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Friday, September 17, 2010

Friday, September 17, 2010

We here at Cake Wrecks realize that often there are readers who simply. don't. get it. So, in an effort to "bring the funny" to our few humor-challenged readers, we have enlisted the services of our intern, Britnee, to help translate. To our regular readers: please bear with us. We will resume our regular posting tomorrow. And now, take it away, Britnee!

Like, OMG! You're totally gonna laugh. So, there's this cake, right?

See, what happened was, the guy that ordered the cake actually wanted actual FLOWERS on the cake. Like, in icing? And instead the DECORATOR wrote "and flowers." Right? Get it? O. M. G.!

And this is, like, totally hilarious:

LOL So, here, a guy wanted a cake to say "Schwager House" - which is totes redonk - but he wanted it written out in all capital letters. And get this: the decorator wrote "all caps" ON THE CAKE. Right there! In icing! On the cake! See it? HAHAHAHA! OMG, I gotta tell Kristy about this one.

Check this out: so, next, this lady, Madalene, wanted a cake for her son and some junk, and she, like, wanted the cake to say "#1" on it. Well, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!?!

Hi-LAAAAAAAR-ious!!!

See, the cake says "#1 ON IT" ON the cake!!! HE TOTALLY WROTE IT ON THE CAKE!

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOO

And then there was this guy, Dennis? And he wanted a cake, for his mom's birthday? And she was like, turning 89, or whatever? So, he wanted an "89" in the corner? And do you know what happened?!?!??!

{{{dying with laughter}}}

The decorator WROTE OUT "89 IN THE CORNER!!!!!!!"

LOLOLOLOL!!!!

{catching breath...}

Okay, okay... but the most bestest one ever EVER... is when it was Ashlee's birthday, and her boyfriend wanted the cake to say "Happy Birthday Ashlee" and her name has two Es in it and OMG OMG OMG what do you think happened?!?[hopping up and down](This is going to be awesome!!! You are SO going to TOTALLY lose it!!!)

Wait.

I don't get it.

....

Well, here's John again.

[Sigh] Um, thanks, Britnee, for that thoughtful and extremely explanatory commentary. I hope all of our humor-challenged readers enjoyed it. And for the rest of you, allow me to end with an obscure math joke: Did you know that 8/5 of Americans aren't good with fractions? [Chortle]Thanks to Will E., Chris O., Madalene W., Dennis W., and Robert H.

i predict that a few negative nancys (or is it 'nancies'?) are going to show up here and comment on your passive aggressiveness, and to remind you that the interwebs are ~srsbsns~ and that this post is all mean and whatnot.

i say, let them get their panties in a knot. it's more fun that way, y/n?

anyway, now that the formalities are out of the way, i love this blog. even the more controversial posts (because life is too short to take everything seriously).

I actually really like the border on the "#1 on it" cake. Makes me think either there are a bunch of artistic types with no brains for inscriptions, or the writing gets done by a different decorator. Probably the latter.

I loved how Britnee's comments? all ended in questions? because it makes me laugh when people actually talk that way? But like, this post was like, totally awesome and like, insanely hilarious! I loveeeeeddddddd ittttttttttt!

Do you watch Mel B on the Style Channel? This happened to her on the last episode. She wanted "Pheonix" in the middle of the cake and they wrote "Pheonix in the middle". I blame her husband, he ordered it. But really? why are bakeries so dumb???

I just cannot believe that there are so many people as stupid as that. I'm thinking that the customers purchasing those cakes just irritated the bakers and the bakers said, 'Here you go you nasty customer! Here's exactly what you asked for!'

Not that I doubt these are real but this seems to happen a lot. Was watching a show the other day that the same thing happened and it sure didn't look like they were buying a cake from some low end bakery. They even had the gall to tell the gal that it would take 3 hours to fix the problem. Even I know icing can be scraped off! Scary!!

Math joke saved me at the end ... just barely ... I'm 25, female, and I have never acted/spoken like "Britnee", but - sadly - most of the females my age from middle class America do so the imitation was spot on.

*sigh*

Parents, expect more from your daughters, please. Do not accept this kind of self presentation. It's not cute.

OMG, Britnee is so totally going to fit in with the rest of the inmates at CW.

May I suggest that one day you post a wreck with an audio button for each CW staff member (Jen, john, #1, Britnee, whoever else hangs out there like the UPS guy). Have each one record the commentary for that cake.

(BTW, we may have a SunDrop cake festival in my town based on yesterday's wedding cake.)

The first cake looks sickly,the one with the fruit?,looks icky,and the "89 in the corner" sounds like a dirty inside joke.And for those of you devoid of a sense of humor,your life must be empty-So Eat Some Cake!!

My favorite math observation comes from the 2008 Presidential election season. An article in the New Yorker quoted a "retired schoolteacher" as saying she didn't think Barack Obama was trustworthy, because "He claims to be black, but I heard that he's really two-thirds Arab."

I'm betting that this post was aimed at all the people who said yesterday, "HEY THAT IS NOT A WRECK YUO DO NOT KNO WUT A WRECK IS (even though it is your blog and you came up with the idea)!!!@!!" Kudos.

I hve been doing cakes for a while now. I actually spelled "congratulations" wrong a few weeks ago (missing the g). I realized it within a few hours and offered to change it, but the woman did not care. I work from home. I do, however, find these cakes HILARIOUS. I mean, we all make mistakes, but writing the instructions on a cake?? Just silly!

Well, I always "get" the stupidity and don't always find it very funny. I only hope this site 'shames the ignorant' and I know that is an oxymoronic expectation. I live in a particulary ignorant area where I constantly hear people defending their incorrect spelling and mispronounciations - in their drunken and drugged stupors. Believe me, that is a significan population of California - just 100 miles from Silicon Valley. And, I, too love your post - especially with the strange and wonderful piles of frosting. Sundays can be a wonder.

Well, at least that last one for Ashlee is beautifully done (unlike the #1 cake, which has the strangest mix of upper and lower case letters--and do I see the imprint of some guide lines for writing straight??).

Clearly some of these decorators are paid to be artistic, but not to think, interpret, or do anything other than what is literally on the order form...

Urrrgh, one of my pet peeves is people? Who end every phrase? With a question mark? And yes, many times the speaker is a young woman of fashion. Oh well. People still tell me I talk like a Valley Girl (one of the phrases that gives me away is "Oh m'gooosh").

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I thought that these sort of 'literal' wrecks would have gone the way of the Dodo by now (come on, doesn't everyone read CW? *g*). I'm always shocked when I find out that they haven't.

As the prissy manager from 'Chez Qui' in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" said: "I *weep* for the future."

Like, OMG? Great job Britnee!!!! Sorry you didn't get that last cake tho'? ;-D

The Schwager House cake: Yep. That looks like parsley to me. There are blackberries, blueberries, un-uniformly cut strawberries, kiwi roses(?) that look like bell peppers, and the yellow "roses" look like a rolled up slice of provolone cheese. Yum.

89nd (j/k) birthday girl's cake: I think the technicolor icing is supposed to look like "streamers". If done appropriately, I don't think it looks too bad - makes a cake look festive. But then they go and put curled ribbons on the cake. Yum.

wv: reard - These wreckerators need to reard the instructions more carefully!

Jen & john (hubby of Jen) - you should add a spot on your website dedicated to our word verifications ;-)

I find it so great that after all the days of wreaks,the whole gang there keeps coming up with these awesome ideas to deliver the laughs.To find the wreaks out there in this big old world appears to be easy, but to have such variety in your ways of making us laugh is the real talent. It keeps the blog fresh and makes one look forward to tomorrow to see what you will do. Is there a Cake Wreaks #2 book out?

Oh my gawd... I like *totally* get the joke now! Hehehe. It really DOES drive me nuts when people think they have to explain the cakes to all of us in the comments section. Well, cuz, ya know... we're so stupid!

I would love to post your comment. I enjoy constructive criticism. However, I am done posting anonymous criticism. If you are courageous enough to write an angry comment, at least be courageous enough to put your name.

Seriously! That was like your bestest work EVER! Oops, ha ha, my gum fell out. I'm gonna like ask my mom to get me one of those for my birthday, but like really really big [chomp, chomp] and really pink and stuff. Yeah, so like WHAT-EV-ER? I'm bored. I'm hanging up now. I need new gum.

I SOOO love the valley voice, like, totally... I should SO do that some day, ya know?? Like, wear a ponytail and leggins to work, and stuff... Just to, ya know, see if anyone really would, like, get totally annoyed and stuff.

Meanwhile I thought the first cake was quite pretty and understated at first until I zoomed in and the things I thought were little bunches of grapes suddenly looked like giant bird poos with wasabi garnish.

Oh and Anonymous (wow that's a surprise) at 11:05 - yeah I know a heck of a lot of girls that talk like that too. Here in Australia. And I still think it's funny.

Not at all shocked by these cakes lol. No longer can a wreckerator shock me with the lack of paying attention to what they are doing. I need to know where the bakeries find these people so we can make sure to run away screaming.. preferably after I get a nice piece of cake.

You know, Im a decorator and I keep having people tell me how creative I am and how I have so much talent. I seriously didnt beleive it. I was like, anyone can do this. Its just something I learned. Anyone can learn how to decorate a cake.....but after seeing these cakes....Im not so sure. Some people really just shouldn't be doing this.

I usually just read far enough into the comments to ensure that my totally original, side-splitting comment (e.g. today's "I don't get it") has already been submitted by multiple people, but now I spare a moment to feel for Jen and John as they read the eighth iteration of some well-meaning person explaining what the cake was supposed to say, and that the baker just made a mistake, and also "your" stupid if you can't tell that's supposed to be a dog/balloon/fireman/carrot/baby.

Some blogs have a regular post celebrating the best comments of the week. It would be nice to see the wheat winnowed from the chaff. If that's what winnowing is.

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