Buyer Beware

by Peggy McFarland

Vlad draped a shroud over his coffin, added a glass table-top, slid chairs close and then stepped back to check the effect. He added candles, a vase of orchids and tables settings. "Buffet," he told the empty mirror, smiling at his bon mot. He coated his body and clothing with SPF 70 sunscreen and then sprayed again - one burnt ear-tip taught him there was no such thing as too careful. Thanks to Coppertone and HGTV, he now lured healthy, fresh-blooded beings into his home instead of slinking into the night like a dirty rodent to hunt alcohol-saturated beings - talk about heart-burn! Outside, Vlad mowed the front lawn, slowing around his balloon decorated mailbox and taking extra care not to dislodge the "OPEN HOUSE" sign.