Breaking a Few Eggs

In the October 4 Bite Me, I asked for suggestions for a new, true Denver omelet. The best recipe so far comes from my friend Stephen Crout, a champion gastronaut of the first order, who’s clearly given the matter some thought. He also reminded me that the prep and service directions are just as important as the recipe itself, and he’s right. So follow his directions, and then enjoy:

Melt the butter into the olive oil over medium heat in a non-stick skillet. Add the scallions and saute for 2-3 minutes.

Meanwhile, separate the egg whites and yolks. Add a pinch of salt and pepper to each. Whisk the whites into something frothy (aka plenty of air incorporated). Beat the yolks lightly and stir them into the whites along with the chiles and 1 tbsp of the parsley.

The idea is to not mix the egg components together. The finished product should have areas of white and areas of yellow, representing our snow-capped peaks and our fields of sunflowers, respectively. You want the whites to stay as puffy as possible.

Slide the eggs into the pan with the scallions and reduce the heat to medium low. Now leave them alone until the bottom has set. Place the pan under the broiler on the second level from the heat source, definitely not the closest level.

When the top of the omelet has just barely set, remove it from the broiler, fold it in half and slide it out onto a heated plate. Top with several pieces of Rocky Mountain oysters and the other tbsp of parsley and serve.

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I consider the oysters and the chiles required elements of this omelet. Possible seasonal variations might include warmed-up thin slices of Colorado peaches, steamed Olathe corn kernels, or tiny cubes of steamed Colorado squash. Seeded and diced local tomato would also be nice.

Should a person request his/her server to "hold the oysters," the server should inform said customer that he can't have the actual Denver omelet and should then call out loudly to the kitchen, "One Interloper with no balls." Further, a request for egg whites only should be announced thusly: "White Guy, no tits, no balls." And lastly, a request for "fake eggs" should be called out as, "Wife Beater, no balls."

May you live long and prosper, grasshopper. -- Stephen

Back at you. -- Jason Sheehan

Patricia Calhoun co-founded Westword in 1977; she’s been the editor ever since. She’s a regular on the weekly CPT12 roundtable Colorado Inside Out, played a real journalist in John Sayles’s Silver City, once interviewed President Bill Clinton while wearing flip-flops, and has been honored with numerous national awards for her columns and feature-writing.