Parenting & Sexuality

“As our children grow, they need information taught by parents more directly and plainly about what is and is not appropriate. Parents need to teach children to avoid any pornographic photographs or stories… talk to them plainly about sex and the teaching of the gospel regarding chastity. Let this information come from parents in the home in an appropriate way.”

-Elder Ballard “Like a Flame Unquenchable”

How to teach your kids to have healthy sexuality:

It goes beyond abstinence.

Individuals who have remained abstinent can still struggle with sexuality in marriage.

The body and spirit combined represent the soul of a human and that unless the body and spirit together are united and perfected, true joy is not achievable – see D&C 93:33-35 & chart below.

Official milestones:

Young Children:

It is normal for very young kids to be interested in their bodies & to touch themselves

This is natural, it does not mean they’re perverted

Use distraction to stop, say “I know that feels nice, but how about we go outside.” or something similar

Respond in non-shaming ways

Explain to children how wonderful their bodies are and great it is that they work

Use correct names of body parts

Older children:

May see sexual latency during early childhood

Puberty:

as early as 7 or 8 in girls, with first menarche at 12

as early as 9 or 10 in boys, with first spermarche at 14

Adolescents are prepared report much better experiences than those who are not.

Avoid object lessons – it is what it is

Avoid shaming

—

Pep talk to Kelbie:

DON’T WORRY, you can do it!

You do not need to be perfectly sexually healthy to raise sexually healthy children.

It is never too late to improve. Guilt is not allowed.

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Create a culture of openness:

Change:

How – be approachable, open & non-reactive

ANSWER QUESTIONS

good parenting = more effective

bad parenting = less harmful when parent-child relationship is positive

BE INVOLVED, SET LIMITS, LISTEN

Things to try:

find time to spend with your child (one on one), do something they want to do

ask what you can do to improve your relationships with others – feedback

When – often, not a single conversation

ANSWER QUESTIONS

proactivity = the key

strategies = cocooning – sheltering from any source outside the family that poses a threat to chastity

Once you feel practiced in using these well, begin an open conversation about sexual wholeness when it feels right

Get dad involved – it has positive impact on sexual beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors

Be led by the Spirit (1 Nephi 4:6)

Explaining to children the church’s standards and beliefs

Use For the Strength of the Youth

Which says: “The Lord’s standard regarding sexual purity is clear and unchanging. Do not have any sexual relations before marriage, and be completely faithful to your spouse after marriage.” (see more on this here)

Surely God’s trust in us to respect this future-forming gift is awesomely staggering. We who may not be able to repair a bicycle nor assemble an average jigsaw puzzle–yet with all our weaknesses and imperfections, we carry this procreative power that makes us very much like God in at least one grand and majestic way.