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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Malice In Blunderland?

Hurrah! Now I don't even have to leave my cliff top mansion to explore the delights of those grimy back streets behind Ramsgate's trendy East Cliff!

With the launch of Google Street View in Thanet today, I can now fester in front of the computer, trusty bottle of Morrisons Morrinov vodka by my side, and stumble around the Millionaires' Playground without even lifting a foot. Plus my foot will now be less plastered in dog doo-doo from having to negotiate the festering pavements hereabouts! It's a win-win! Although Google will insist on labelling Ramsgate as Margate. Idiots.

Hang on. What if the local ne'er do wells get wind of this new service courtesy of California's billionaire internet boffins? They could case my cliff top mansion without even having to mooch around outside, looking suspicious. Nah. On second thoughts, they're all way too stupid. I've had a good sniff around our Sandy's gaff in Broadstairs though. Nice carpets!

You missed a good one the other night ECR went to see Jo Caulfield at Canterbury, she said her sister had moved from London to Ramsgate thought it was up and coming and moved back! just before the fast train! Suggested Margate might be a town where most people are grandmothers at 32 and all the teenagers were pushing prams in track suits, just about sums it up wouldnt you say! She was so good i am still chuckling about her jokes! A friend took me as i was very down in Jan after coming back to Thanet after being in the sunshine abroad! Problem is it always is the same whenever i get out i hate coming back.7 year sentence left, until my youngest finishes school !then i will have served my sentence in Thanet!

And the way to get Street View is by going to Google, clicking on maps, heading for whatever you're interested in, then dragging the little person in the top left hand corner onto the street or house you want to case for your next burglary.

Overheard in Thanet

Is your hot chocolate gluten free?Man at kioskJust wait til I get hold of yer, yer cunt. Yer fuckin' door won't save yer!Man on phone in streetThere were dead bodies everywhere at my fuckin' birfday do. No, seriously, my missus had to give one bloke CPR!Man on phone in streetYer can't smoke in a petrol station can yer? Fuck it, I'm gonna light up anyway. If I blow meself up I'm gonna charge you compensation!Woman to staff member at petrol stationWhat happened to all those Socialist Workers eh? They joined the bloody Labour Party, that's what!Man to woman in WaitroseSo I grabbed the fuckin' potato peeler and stabbed the cunt.Man sitting outside barTwitter? That's the bit between a bird's twat and her shitter, isn't it?Man on trainYou know the medicine they give us was invented by the Germans in WW2 for their troops, so they could be shot?Man on streetYeah, well, he's a fucking bald headed cunt.Man at Margate football matchYou better choose your sweets, inch yer! I'm not a bleedin' psychic, inn I?Woman to small childI like haring but I don't like it when the dog just bites into it an' it fuckin' screams and then you 'ave to go an' chop it.Man in restaurantI'm a registered businessman!Man on phone in streetI luv 'im, even though 'e raped me an' bit me. 'Cos 'e respecks me.Woman talking to man in streetChild to baboon in animal park: 'Ello!Mother: Don't talk, MatthewChild: Why?Mother: 'Cos it's an animal.

If you come on and start having a go at Margate, it immediately puts everyone's shackles up.

Man talking about the warm-up act at the Alexei Sayle gig at the Theatre Royal, Margate'We are not expecting widespread flooding; however precautions have been deployed and we are doing our upmost to ensure all areas are secure and protected.'Thanet Council press release

Did You Know?

Richard's Thanisaurus

Bignews Margaten. a fatuous blog that pays lip service to 'freedom of speech' but shits its britches at the first sign of trouble. Contributor: anonymous.

Much of the reason we experience noise on landing over Ramsgate is because training flights are precisely that. Half the time the pilots get too low and have to put their engines on... They are training and get it wrong! - Local pilot

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Eastcliff Richard is an opinion-based blog. If you disagree with something you read, feel free to leave a comment to that effect. If you want to take it further, a friendly request for a correction or addition, stating your reasons, will almost certainly get better results, and cost you less, than instructing a lawyer. Email richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

It may be crap, but your self congratulatory hype is hugely entertaining - Anonymous

In Ramsgate, Eastcliff Richard punning on the town’s division into East and West Cliffs takes the palm, its witty creator concealed behind the persona of a media moghul who might, to judge from accompanying sketch, have been played by Terry Thomas. - Country Life

I have asked Eastcliff Richard to remove defamatory statements, he has refused, make of it what you will. - Tony Flaig, Bignews Margate

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Unceasingly defeatist - Save Dreamland Campaign

An anonymous spouter of spiteful drivel - Tory Councillor Chris Wells

A lazy, workshy, badly educated, sexually defective, ugly, scummy loser with delusions of grandeur stuck in a tiny little world which he seems to regard as fascinating. - The real Rebecca

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The Thanet Daily is a humour/satire/local gossip blog based on the Isle of Thanet in Kent. Opinions expressed on this site may not be suitable for minors, wilting flowers, or duffers. The content, opinions and comments contained in this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of its author(s), fictional or otherwise. The Thanet Daily accepts no responsibility legal or otherwise for their accuracy of content. The Thanet Daily is not responsible for the content of external internet sites. Actually, if truth be told, the whole thing is a crock of shit.