Revelations: When the Law of Attraction Doesn't Appear to Work

by Anyaa H'redullaLife is a series of mundane events and experiences, the accumulation of which occasionally result in something more spectacular. When this happens, it is up to us to integrate the spectacular with our everyday life so that it, too, becomes the mundane. This is how we grow. This is evolution. This is something I have been doing since August 2008 regarding one particularly challenging aspect of my life. Perhaps I should begin with a little background information to put everything in perspective. As you may read in some of my other Life Reflections, I have been on a conscious spiritual path for more than twenty-five years. I make the distinction between a conscious and unconscious path because I believe everyone is evolving spiritually whether they are aware of it or not. Like many others since 1987, I happen to have become aware of it. Also, like many others, I started out wanting to improve my life... my financial situation in particular, and have 'worked' on it for years. I've read many books on manifesting prosperity; I've repeated affirmations - literally hundreds of times; I've practiced various abundance exercises; I've subscribed to newsletters from individuals/groups who promised to make all my dreams come true; I watched The Secret movie (dozens of times); I studied the Law of Attraction; I took courses; I joined teleconferences and listened to interviews by the 'experts.' In short, I did everything I came across to change my life, to attract wealth and prosperity, because that is supposed to be my birthright... isn't it? Doesn't God want everyone to be abundant in every part of their life? Isn't that the message we hear? If our intentions are pure and we're not harming others in our pursuits, shouldn't we all be prosperous? Shouldn't all our dreams come true simply because that's what we desire? That's the illusion many believe. But what happens when, after doing everything you know how to do over a period of many, many years, nothing changes in your life? How do you reconcile your beliefs with the reality of your life situation? What if you attempt to create wealth, but end up more in debt than when you started? I'll tell you what happens: You believe you're flawed; you believe you're doing something terribly wrong... or something is terribly wrong with you; you believe you're not worthy; you believe you don't deserve to receive good things and you're the only person in the world who cannot attract what they want... none of which is conducive to manifesting one's desires through the Law of Attraction! When many, many people are following the Law and reporting extraordinary changes in their life; when money flows to them from the most unexpected sources and great opportunities come knocking on their door, but you're doing exactly what they're doing with no such results, you feel totally defeated. Oh yes... I'd heard about subconscious 'blocks' that prevent us from attaining our desires, and I had worked on them, too. I discovered beliefs and concepts that were in direct opposition to my prayers and my desires. It didn't make any difference to resolving my situation. I even discovered a past life as a monk where I had renounced all my worldly possessions so that I might know God ... unsuccessfully I might add. During that life I took a vow of poverty literally thousands of times! Since all our past memories are stored in our unconscious (according to Ho'oponopono) and are carried forward with each incarnation, that was a truly remarkable discovery. You'd think uncovering something like that would facilitate a huge shift in consciousness and an improvement in my finances... but it didn't. I meditated. I prayed. I visualized. I affirmed. I created dream boards. I watched self-created movies of my desires. But there was no massive influx of wealth. There wasn't even a tiny influx! Nothing changed in my life... except I got deeper into debt. In an effort to change my financial circumstances, I tried various businesses, including MLM, but no matter how hard I worked, nothing changed. Oh, they all succeeded for a short time, but eventually they fizzled out. Please don't think I'm anti-business. I most definitely am not and was self-employed in a small business for seven and a half years and, most recently, in a home-based business since 2005, which enjoyed mild success. More recently, I went into partnership with a friend believing our new business was the answer to my prayers as the way we discovered it appeared to be serendipitous - an inspiration. But despite long hours, many dollars and much effort, a few short months later I realized it was for naught and we shut it down. I must admit, it wasn't a complete write-off! As a result of working that business, I learned a great deal about online network marketing, but it was a costly lesson and I ended up even further in debt. It was depressing to say the least, but I knew there had to be an answer... somewhere... and I persevered. Continuing to read whatever crossed my path, I came upon a book called When Prayers Aren't Answeredby John E. Welshons. This was a truly inspirational discovery that began to give me some of the answers I had been searching for. Revelation #1: ALL prayers are ALWAYS answered! I haved always believed that all prayers are answered and John Welshons' book confirmed it. But somehow I'd overlooked that fact as it related to my own financial situation. This wasn't a conscious awareness by any means - just something that lurked in the back of my mind - an assumption I guess. And we all know what A S S U M E stands for! I assumed that my prayers just hadn't been answered... YET. I assumed there was still some mental concept that I had to overcome; some innocuous little unconscious thought in the recesses of my mind that was preventing me from realizing my dreams; or perhaps some personality trait that I still needed to heal. I assumed that everything I had been trying to manifest was coming to me, but it was coming some time in the future, because my prayers sure hadn't been answered the way I wanted them to be! If my prayers were being answered, why hadn't my finances improved? Why didn't I have all the things I visualized?

Then came the next AHA.Revelation #2: ALL prayers are always answered... but not always in the way we want or expect them to be! If we believe that all prayers are answered, don't we expect that answer to come in a particular way? I sure did! And I don't think I'm alone. John Welshons relayed a story in his book about a woman who was dying from cancer. She had tried every known conventional AND non-conventional treatment available. She even held a marathon healing session with friends over an entire weekend! Despite all her efforts to heal herself and the efforts of those who loved her, the following week her doctor informed her that the cancer had grown and metastasized. How does one reconcile an outcome such as that? Were her prayers answered? When asked what healing meant to her in the face of the doctor's news, she replied that the healing weekend had been her opportunity to make peace with her illness. That was the answer to her prayers - she would die in peace. My life situation was definitely not life-threatening or terminal, but I sought to see the parallels with that woman's experience. Even if I didn't die, what did it mean to me if I 'failed'? What did I fear most about failing? Why is it so important for me to overcome this challenge? Why did I fight it so desperately? What was God trying to show me that I could not see? Somehow, I had always known that I could surmount this obstacle. I even went so far as believing this is a task I set myself before incarnating in this life. It was my 'outer purpose' that needed to be healed if I was to ever live in peace. On pondering these questions and asking myself why the Law of Attraction didn't work for me, I used one of my Joy Maker Tools which I named "Write On" which has helped me considerably with many challenges in my life. I did a dialogue in my journal and was 'told' that God always answered my prayers - that every experience is a blessing. This was something that I thought I'd accepted a long time ago, so what was so important about that information now? I already knew that the present moment is perfect as I wrote in my article Present Perfect, but I was obviously missing something. My dialogue revealed that I 'accepted' that everything was a blessing, but it was only an intellectual acceptance. Not only that, I believed that once I had accepted something, there should be a REWARD... in this case... peace! And peace meant having more than enough money in the bank! Can you believe it! I had expectations! I had GREAT EXPECTATIONS! I was attempting to manipulate God by paying lip service to the laws of the universe. Everything I had ever done to change my financial situation was designed to 'save me' from the hell I believed I was living on this earth. I even figured that if I showed gratitude, my life should change. The truth was, I was NOT grateful for what I had. At that particular time, I had $2.46 in my bank account and needed groceries. How could I be grateful for that? It was a humbling discovery to say the least, and the realization that I wasn't the spiritual person I thought myself to be was difficult to accept. My ego desperately wanted me to stop my dialogue at this point, but I knew I had to continue. I had to delve a little deeper. It also occurred to me that I should abide by my own advice: I could only do what I knew. When I knew better, I would do better. Now, I knew better. It wasn't wrong to believe what I did. My efforts were simply misguided and based on what I knew at the time. However, as misguided as they were, they also weren't getting me what I thought I wanted. What was it I TRULY wanted? What did I need to do to get what I wanted? At this point in my dialogue I was 'given' a message:

Accept what 'is' – totally, without question – as the perfection of this NOW. Accept it as God’s answer to your prayers... no matter what they may be. Whatever you are experiencing IS the answer you’ve been asking for whether it’s in the form you want and expect, or NOT. It is ALWAYS the perfect answer. ALL WAYS! How could I apply this message to my situation? If my prayers had been answered, whatever I was experiencing was evidence of that prayer. But I had a really hard time figuring out how increased debt could possibly be the answer to my prayers to find a solution to my financial situation! How could THAT be the answer? It didn't make sense to me. I obviously needed to view it from a different perspective so I continued reading and dialoguing. The truth is, we don't know what's best for us. We may think we know what we want, but in the bigger picture, maybe it's NOT the best thing for us to have what we want. Perhaps it's not in our best interests to have a beach house, or a new sports car, or a million dollars, or any of the other things we think we need. If we're trying to manifest these things, but having those things would interfere with our spiritual evolution, then shouldn't we be grateful for NOT receiving them? It could be the greatest gift ever NOT to get what we want! Part of me knew I didn't really need material riches to be happy and joy-full, but I had been in denial about that part for a long time. It was another of those innocuous little thoughts that never really surfaced into my consciousness. I so desperately wanted to alleviate my 'poverty' that all my efforts had been focused on changing that situation. So, what did I TRULY want? The following was another clue from When Prayers Aren't Answered.

"… our soul wants to know itself… fully. Our soul longs to return home, to its source, to the One. It yearns to experience itself in all its fullness and radiance… What the world of form considers to be desirable and potentially fulfilling might very well be recognized by our soul as a distraction." John Welshons, When Prayers Aren’t AnsweredShortly after reading this, I read a quote by Ram Dass... also in John Welshons' book:

"Once you ask for God, He isn’t going to let you have anything that doesn’t bring you closer to Him. It just can’t happen. He’ll prevent it, no matter how much you protest." Ram Dass

Well, I had been protesting greatly! But where had it got me? This was all food for thought and resulted in much soul-searching. The wheels started turning and I remembered some significant events in my life that were very meaningful to me and where I had, indeed, asked for God. In my mind, I went back to my Reiki Master initiation. In a meditation during the ceremony, I made a vow to dedicate my life to God. I have no idea where that came from or why I said it, but I did (to myself) and I meant it. I also recalled another occasion, a little earlier than this, when I was ordained a priest in the Order of Melchizadek. Another promise to God! Then there was the book I read by Kryon called The Journey Homewhere Michael Thomas, the subject of the book, was asked by the White Angel what he desired most as a human. "I want to go HOME!" was his reply. When asked what that meant to him, Michael replied:

"Iwant to be loved, and to be around love. I want to feel peaceful in my existence. I don't want to be subject to the concerns and trivial interactions of those around me. I don't want to worry about money. I want to feel RELEASE! I'm tired of being alone. I want to mean something to other entities in the Universe. I want to know that I exist for a reason, and do my part in heaven -- or whatever you call it-- to be a correct and appropriate part of God's plan. I don't want to be a human as I have been."Michael Thomas inThe Journey Home by KryonIsn't that what we ALL yearn for? Isn't that what we ALL want more than anything? Don't we ALL want to go Home? I know those words resonated with me when I read them so I printed them out and pinned them to the wall so that I could remind myself of them. That was in 1997. Were these memories the reasons I had been unsuccessful in my attempts to create worldly wealth? Had my earthly desires taken precedence over my heartfelt desires? Was I unable to manifest the things I thought I wanted because they would interfere with my deepest desire?I had never stopped following my spiritual path. But, at the same time, I also attempted to create more abundance in my life and resolve the issue of my debt. What I realize now, is that these two paths, in my mind, were mutually exclusive and made it impossible for me to follow them both at the same time. This was the lesson I needed to learn. It turned out to be impossible for me to manifest what turned out to be egoic needs - things my ego convinced me I needed in order to be happy - even though 'everyone' tells us that anyone can have anything they want! It just wasn't true for me, and I believe others who have tried to use the Law of Attraction to create their dream life have had similar experiences. There is a higher order at work in your life and if you've been unsuccessful using the Law, as I have, it just may not be the best thing for you... at least at this particular time.Revelation #3: Your Heart-Felt desire ALWAYS takes precedence over any other desire! That doesn't mean you can never have material possessions, but I now believe nothing will ever manifest if my heartfelt desire isn't my priority. This is why people with a passion for what they do are successful! They are aligned with their heartfelt desire so everything else in their life falls into place because they are honouring their passion: They're aligned with the Law of Attraction. It took several weeks for me to understand that, but a very strange thing happened once I'd integrated the above revelations. Where I had previously felt panicky whenever I was confronted with a bill, or a financial challenge, or a phone call from a creditor, I felt at peace... something I had rarely felt before. That was something I had always strived for, and now I had it. All my life I have been provided for: I have never starved and I have always had a roof over my head. That alone is more than many have experienced! There were frequent occasions when I had no idea where the rent money was coming from or how I was to pay the phone bill or buy groceries, but now, small amounts of additional income started to come my way. I wasn't actively pursuing them... they just appeared, and I was able to relax about my financial situation. My debt is still a reality, but now I feel confident that it will be dealt with when the time is right.I have been hesitant to share this experience as I was afraid my newfound confidence would somehow disappear (since that has been my experience in the past). That hasn't happened, so far, and I feel I am integrating that 'spectacular' experience and making it the mundane - so that it becomes part of who I am. I still have questions about what I should be 'doing'. The difference now is that I'm not actively looking for something. I am content to wait patiently for the right thing to come to me instead of pursuing it... well, more patiently than before :). Whatever I do in the future, I will remember my heartfelt desire and make sure it takes precedence over any other desires! Also, I'll be eternally grateful to John Welshons and his inspirational book! I believe that must have also been an answer to a prayer!