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Saturday, May 19, 2012

Killing Her

Madhya Pradesh,
India: When kamala gave birth to her first daughter, her husband, though not
overjoyed, was still happy. They distributed sweets in the village and even
called a pandit to bless the child. When kamala got pregnant again, her husband
forced her to undergo an ultrasound. It was a GIRL. What followed was a series
of abortions and a sure and steady decline in their marital life. Finally, when
she did conceive a boy, she suffered a miscarriage. Cursed and harassed, she
was thrown out of her home by the very husband who had promised to be with her
through thick and thin. Gone was the love, the joy…her world was filled with a
black emptiness.

This is the story of
just one mother grieving for her child. Many more eyes are still brimming with
tears. So why is it that we become perpetrators of such evil? Why do we not
hear those silent screams of the unborn girls? Why do we refuse to see the
agony of these mothers?

The causes are
numerous. India has predominantly been a patriarchal society. The boys are
expected to carry the family name forward. The birth of a boy is celebrated. Family
and friends from far and wide are invited to bless him. The mother takes pride
in her achievement. Her status in the family increases. Her mother-in-law loves
her more than the other ‘bahus’ who have not given her a grandson yet. She is
often treated as a queen and the family’s ‘chiraag’ as a prince.

Our traditions add
fuel to this desire for a son. Not only do the sons ensure that the family’s
genes never die away, they are also the sole bread-winners. They have been
entrusted with the noble task of taking care of their parents in their old age.
As per our religious philosophies, it is the son who fulfills the last rites
for his parents.

Most of you, who listened
to the bedtime stories your grandma told you, are probably familiar with the
stories of Shravan Kumar- the ideal son. He took every pain to fulfill the
wishes of his blind parents.

This story is often
narrated so that the children can learn from him, so that they can imbibe his
good qualities. Fair enough. But does this also not show that aching longing of
a mother’s heart to have a son like him? Knowingly or unknowingly, such stories
give rise to the yearning for a son.

But why only old
stories? Take the example of most of the advertisements today…most of them
depict a happy family as: 1 mother, 1 father, 1 son (Maybe a son and a daughter
if they are feeling generous.). Only recently have the daughters made their
presence felt on this front. Why? I know it is a very small, maybe irrelevant
revelation. But it just points to our mindset.

From the day a girl
is born, she is treated as different. Either she is venerated like goddess
Lakshmi or she is cursed like you would a filthy sewer rat. We, as a society,
rarely talk of them as equals. We either ban them from participating or we give
them reservations. Why?

A girl’s first
breath means trouble for her family. In very crude words, girls are considered
to be a waste of resources…a drain on the family’s wealth.

The primary reasons
are financial and social. This was the common line of thought I observed while
talking to people: “you give birth to a girl, you educate her, ensure that she
gets all comforts, you give her the best facilities. Then one day, you have to
marry her off.” This is where the real problem steps in.

In India, we follow a system of dowry. This system
is not unique to the country. Currently it is being practiced in parts of Africa,
East Asia, South Asia and the Middle East. But that is what Wikipedia says. If you
google it, the rest of the links are all related to India. Dowry is no more “gifts
given by the bride’s family to express their joy.” It is the birthright of the
groom’s family, a symbol of their status, an indicator of their son’s worth. How
can they compromise with that?

It is this burden of
dowry which deters parents from welcoming girls with open arms.

Certain other
reasons might be the difficulties in ensuring the safety of a girl child.

Also, couples
planning on only one child prefer boys for the reasons I stated above. The easy
access to medical facilities and the latest technologies has made the prospects
of birth more dismal for a girl. Ineffectiveness of law is another reason. How can
you control the information given by a slight smile or a frown as the doctor
conducts a regular check-up for the health of the baby?

However, I think
girls too have a major role to play. There are families who celebrate the birth of a baby girl. They don’t discriminate against them. They provide them with
every possible facility. They help them study, allow them to explore new
avenues and progress in life. These lucky girls should realize their true
potential and should work for the benefit of their gender. By this I do not
mean that they should take the plunge and become social activists. Even if
these girls develop a progressive mindset, achieve financial independence and
put their foot down on such evil practices, it will go a long way to further
our cause. Imagine girls who are self-reliant, know the difference between
right and wrong and are willing to fight against injustice. I’m sure they’ll
uproot this poisonous vine.

I agree that
traditions cannot just be tossed in the air. Neither can people change their
attitude after reading just one article. Even if I had a magic wand, it would
be a tough task setting things in order. But at least we can start. One initiative
gets a thousand followers. All we need is that one start. I have just one
worry:

This evil of female foeticide
has embraced the nation in a tight hug. It feels really good at first, but then
it begins to suffocate us. I wonder if we’ll break free before we see stars
swimming in front of our eyes.

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About Me

At first look, I'm extremely normal. Well, I look the same at second look too! (They tell me I don't even look like an engineer!) I love each moment that life offers me, and the people it is filled with. Taking one day at a time, I believe in giving my best. A dreamer at heart, I hope my humble, non-important opinion can someday make even a grain of a difference in someone's life. Till then, it's me and you and our world of words!