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Saturday, April 26, 2014

QUIET IN THE HOOD

It has been relatively quiet here in the hood this week. SO I thought I would resurrect an old "dillo" story. My new Fort Worth friends seem to doubt all my dillo adventures. Here is an Oldie-but Goodie!

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HOW MANY LIVES DOES A DILLO HAVE?

The NEVER ENDING dillo saga--took another turn last night. I have promised the new queen of the "Old Wire Road Manor" that I would get the latest devil that has been shredding not only my garden and flower beds, but even the this year's planted sod. Bess is such a little Southern Belle---who comes from a long line of Southern Belles---I'm thinking she is a little intimidated with the idea of the "Dillo Games"--but that's alright she has a house full of "men folk" to come to her rescue.

As I made my 1:30 AM patrol looking for Mr. Dillo---LOW AND BEHOLD --there he is in the front yard with his snout about six inches into the centipede sod. RUN GET YOUR GUN AND FLASHLIGHT, Annie! NOW--is there One ---I mean even ONE flashlight in the entire closet that works---WHY OF COURSE NOT! So I head back outside in my flip flops with my loaded rifle. Side note-I live in the woods---it is very hot---the snakes come out at night to eat---they only bite if you step on them---I can't see where I am stepping. I Diverge!

Notorious for their poor eyesight--you can walk right up to the dillo---BUT I learned they have very good hearing. As I take careful aim-about 4 feet away and slowly squeeze the trigger--I discover the safety is on--unlike the time I shot the house. OK--so I take the safety off and once again take careful aim and squeeze---Nothing happens---OH YEAH--you've got to put a bullet in the chamber. The sound that the lever makes to put that bullet in the right place and perhaps me muttering under my breath alert the dillo. He has removed his snout and his ears are up. As I take careful aim once again and begin to squeeze the trigger ----the automatic sprinkler system cuts on in that part of the yard at that precise moment. He is alerted and takes off running and I shoot. I pretty sure I missed him and hopefully missed my brand new car-will have to check that out after daylight.

I think he is in the thick bushes in the flower bed, so for the next 15 minutes, I shake, prod, and explore to see if I can get him out. I finally move enough branches and prod enough to be convinced that he got away. DRAT!

BUT WAIT---I am really sure God put this thought in my head--He needed a good laugh with the condition of the world--I think "Check the back". Ok--I go open the garage door to look out back and immediately hear something. Once again--no flashlight and it is pitch black in the woods. I run inside to turn on all the deck lights---thinking he will be gone. As I go back out the sliding door---LOW AND BEHOLD---there is that devil 2 feet away.

I once again---take careful aim---now I have all the rifle issues solved-so should be a sure thing. I SHOOT! GOT HIM!!! You know you've hit them when they jump straight up in the air and do an acrobatic move that any high diver would envy. For a creature with legs 2 inches long--it is amazing to see him go straight up and then do a back flip with a slight twist and take off running.

I on for the chase! He then runs into the lattice work under the deck and I line up another shot. GOT HIM AGAIN! This time he does a full round off with a complete twist. He heads for the woods. He doesn't get very far before he keels over on his side in a mound of leaves and is still. I think he's dead---but maybe I'll shoot him once more to make sure. I am on the tall part of the deck-8 feet off the ground, but I take careful aim and squeeze the trigger. NOTHING HAPPENS--I am out of ammo!

The devil then lifts his head and looks right up at me. Lifts his wounded body and starts for the creek with two extra holes in him.