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You should have realised how ridiculous 'red lotus flames' sound though...

Also, about the 'inefficiency', there's a reason sentences are done the way they are.

The sentences are structured that way so as to build impact.

'Clare[sic] drank a glass of wine then kissed Kamito.'

or

'Claire drank a glass of wine.

Then Claire kissed Kamito.'

The latter shows a stark contrast in the actions, more so than the former. Of course, there are other implications, but I won't blame you if you don't notice all these little things. As a translator I aim to convey as much of the author's intentions as I can at all times, but to each his own. And the Chinese translations are not too far off from the original, I read both of them in JP and Chinese. Use wenku8.cn, btw, they've provided the best translations so far for me.

You should have realised how ridiculous 'red lotus flames' sound though...

Also, about the 'inefficiency', there's a reason sentences are done the way they are.

The sentences are structured that way so as to build impact.

'Clare[sic] drank a glass of wine then kissed Kamito.'

or

'Claire drank a glass of wine.

Then Claire kissed Kamito.'

The latter shows a stark contrast in the actions, more so than the former. Of course, there are other implications, but I won't blame you if you don't notice all these little things. As a translator I aim to convey as much of the author's intentions as I can at all times, but to each his own. And the Chinese translations are not too far off from the original, I read both of them in JP and Chinese. Use wenku8.cn, btw, they've provided the best translations so far for me.

Well, in that case, can you take over then? Clearly you are the better translator for the job~