Our last week as us

September 12, 2016

Dear Max

We have three sleeps left. Three.

A mere three after 38 or so weeks of the most incredible, privileged and craving-ridden time of my life (much like I had with you).

This year, I have consumed more orange juice and melted cheese than I have in my whole life. I have taken more Gaviscon than I can remember, and I’ve eaten more white rolls than is “normal” when not pregnant. Or even pregnant, maybe. I don’t think I’ve ever felt sicker than I have in those first 13 weeks.

And despite having had one of my least fulfilling work years, outside of it, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more full of love, contentment and humour.

I have missed running so much, and wonder if I’ll ever be able to do it properly again. The other night, when I heaved myself, stomach and enormous ankles into the bath, with you looking patiently on, I asked you to imagine getting into the bath with a watermelon strapped to your stomach, and your reply made me smile: “Um, pretty much the same way you are feeling now’.

There have been uncomfortable moments, the most unusual and awkward movements from your sister, but it’s been a safe and uncomplicated pregnancy, and for that I am grateful and relieved, and I feel guilty even complaining about discomfort when things are generally so good.

When you were born, I missed my pregnancy so much, and I imagine I might feel the same this time too. It’s not that we don’t love it when our babies are born, but pregnancy is a pretty amazing state, and when all goes well, it’s fairly easy to take care of all your baby’s needs – and still get seven hours of uninterrupted sleep (not counting all the loo wake-ups in the last few weeks). It’s also an exceptional time of bonding, and it’s a privilege to be the one responsible for carrying a baby, and getting to feel and experience her inside.

Thank you for being so kind, for always asking about the pregnancy, for being gentle and for being excited about a future with a sister. May our good times and special mom-Max moments continue, and may your sister bring as much learning and joy to you as I know you will to her.

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9 Comments

Amy

TEARS, TEARS, TEARS! So beautifully written Tanya. I remember that feeling when I was pregnant. Erin just ADORES Sienna and we’ve never had a minute’s trouble. I’m sure Max is going to be the best big brother any sister could wish for. All the best for the birth. xxxx