Empowerment for Women Leaders

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So I’m cruisin’ along in traffic and I realized that womanSpeakUpNow is not only about speaking up to others (like i did yesterday to the C-store cashier’s boss: “[When you correct her, you need to do it in private.]”), it’s also about speaking up to yourself. I’m finding out that i don’t always have to tell someone off [wSUN is *not* about telling people off (!); it’s saying what’s really real for you and having the courage – even though the person might not like you – to say what IS, politely (and maybe passionately), without name-calling or blaming]. I don’t always have to go, “[gritch, gritch, gritch]” but if I give myself permission and acknowledge to myself what I’m feeling – and what I could say but I don’t have to – a lotta times, that’s enough.

wSUN includes getting really real with yourself about others and getting really real with yourself about yourself. My example: what’s really real for me right now is that I want to share so much that I’ve learned. I want [to help] every woman that I can find to have the courage to speak up and tell her truth. Do you or she wanna start a business? Do you wanna change careers? What is it that’s really real for you? Do you wanna take an art class? Do you wanna go play soccer for an adult women’s soccer team? What’s really real for you?

Speak up now, honey. If you’re thinking, “But, Hil, I can’t say that [to someone]”, okay fine. You may not be able to say that to whomever – her, him, them – but you CAN say it to yourself, to start with… Alright, love you. Have a GREAT DAY! Bye.

When we tell the Universe, “This is my dream. This is my vision. THIS is what I want!” (that we wanna be an artist, a Lady Boss, whatever…); when we decide to do something great and meaningful, the voices start up:

“I’m nobody… just little Tammy from Muskogee.”
“That will never work.”
“If I take all the steps and do all that work, and then it doesn’t work… Dude! That will be such a waste of my time.”
“People are gonna laugh and say I am crazy.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I don’t know enough.”
“Who do yew thank yew are, shuger?”
“Yeah, it’s what I wanna do but I can never make money doin’ it…”

But! When we go to McDonald’s and put in our order for a Big Mac –“we’ve all done it, shuger, so don’t act like ya haven’t…” – we do not say,
“What if they run outta buns? What if they forget the pickles? They’re not gonna make my sandwich; they’ll put too much special sauce on… What am I doing here? Who am I to be having a Big Mac?!”

We do not say any of that. We tell the cashier what we want and we expect the people to give it to us exactly how we ordered it. If we stop the employees and say, “Wait! Wait… no, hold on: I don’t want the Big Mac. I want the Fish Filet. Ok, no tartar sau- ok, maybe a little tartar sauce- and I want the French fries…well…do I want the Fish Filet?”

If we change our minds and go back and forth, they can’t give us what we ask for.

Guess what? The Universe is exactly the same: if we put our order in and get quiet, it comes. All we have to do is be hands off. It comes, including opportunities to clear whatever stands between you and what you said you wanted. Sometimes [this] includes deep feelings of anger and sorrow. Embrace [them], they’ll dissolve in five minutes and you’ll go to the next level of clearing (but that’s another video…).
The minute you say, “This is who I choose to be; this is what I want,” the Universe goes to work to make it happen! If you’re led to take steps and you won’t do it; if we say, “Well, yeah… no…”, you’re saying, “No, I really don’t want it, I just said I did but I really don’t…”, you’re not meeting God halfway. God/the Universe does not judge. He/it just says, “Okay. As you wish.”

So what can you do? Decide, one hundred percent, even if it feels really scary to do it. If you have the dream or idea, there’s a reason. Decide, 100%, even if it seems impossible. Then, feel the feeling of the thing already having happened, i.e., friends are inviting you to parties, how proud you feel that it’s done. Feel feel feel feel, and hold that [feeling] as long as you can. During the day, stop and just feeeel. Feel that feeling even when the voices are [naysaying], like we already saw today. Feel the feeling of that two-week vacation in Italy that you’ve earned, you got ‘er done, everything’s coming together now and you have the money to go to Italy.

Feel it and forget it. Take the steps you’re led to take. Go ahead and argue and fuss and do it anyway. Trust the Universe to know what it’s doing, to see the bigger picture, to know things you have no way of knowing. Let go, let God, take the steps you’re led to take and know that your order is being prepared right now.

Please like it if you like it. Please share it if you got anything out of it and I’ll see you next time.

Every single study shows that video – especially
YouTube – is the #1 conversion and marketing tool;
as of 2012, 4 BILLION VIDEOS are being watched
EVERY SINGLE DAY!

How many women are you not helping? How much
money are you leaving on the table by not taking
advantage of the huge power of video, especially
when there are so many free ways to use it?

Right now, you’re thinking:

“But Hil, I can’t. I look and sound stupid on
camera. I don’t want to humiliate myself in front
of the whole world. I don’t want people to laugh
at me!”

“I don’t have thousands of dollars for all that
equipment.”

“Where would I start? What would I say?
It’s overwhelming.”

“I’m doing just fine with my business.
I make enough to cover bills. Really, I’m fine.
Jane X doesn’t have any videos so I don’t
need any either.”

I understand. I have said many of those things
to myself in other areas…

Deep down, however, you have a niggling feeling
that you could take your business to the next level
– and get your message to thousands more women –
if you made and posted videos.

Here are the three REAL reasons – all of which
aren’t your ‘fault’ – that you haven’t done video
(yet 😉 ).

1. “Be Quiet!”

From the time we’re little girls, we’re taught to be
passive; be a lady; be polite; don’t make waves;
don’t speak up; don’t ruffle feathers; let the man
handle it; keep your head down; we’re the weaker
sex; don’t bruise any male egos; a woman’s place
is in the kitchen. If you’re younger than 40, you may
have not heard these as directly as your Mom did,
but I promise, through her words and actions, she
inadvertently passed many of them down to you
(not blaming our moms, they did the best they could).

Some of our sisters have totally overcome these ingrained
messages (Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow,
for example); some have outright rebelled (Lady Gaga).
Even women who have busted through some of the
junk that holds us back, struggle with unworthiness
and are afraid to tell the truth… When women spoke up
recently about harassment at a huge rideshare
company, many people discredited the womens’
stories and minimized the trauma that these women
had experienced. The message that the rest of us
got was, “Don’t bother to come forward. You’ll be
ridiculed; you’ll sabotage your chances of ever
working in your industry again; you’ll be looked at
as a snitch; you shoulda taken one for the team!”
(I’m getting chills writing it…)

So, it’s not your ‘fault’ that you grew up in a culture
that bombarded you with these false constructs,
day in and day out. BUT, as an adult woman, it is
completely in your power to choose to be aware
that these beliefs are undercurrents that run right
under your daily, surface thoughts, and choose
to examine and eliminate them.

Let’s look at the first objection again:

“…I can’t do it. I look and sound stupid
on camera. I don’t want to humiliate myself
in front of the whole world. I don’t want people
to laugh at me!”

It’s not that you’re afraid of others pointing
fingers, snickering, criticizing. It’s that you’ve
been taught to criticize yourself. In order to
avoid that, you stop yourself from ever doing
anything ‘out there’, different, potentially
controversial. ‘I wouldn’t want to embarrass
my family,” is a good way to justify lack
of action; I’ve used that one myself.

If you’re over 40, you remember the bigmouth
in the class that got sent to the principal’s
office. If you’re younger, you may have noticed
that the class bigmouth was suddenly quiet one
quiet one day and no longer disruptive (Ritalin).

We tell ourselves we look and sound stupid;
the REAL reason is, we don’t want to risk
failure (and we’re mostly raised not to try!
One study discovered that boys and men are
encouraged to take risks while females are
discouraged!). Nice girls don’t ‘put themselves
on display’; that’s from our grandmas
and great-grandmas.

2. “Cook and Clean!”

The number one thing our parents want /
wanted for us was to ‘get a good man’. The
number one fairy tale during our childhoods
depicted a sleeping beauty rescued by a Prince
after years and years of ‘captivity’.
The story gave him all the power to save
her from the evil, spell-casting queen and
cast her as a passive, disempowered
victim. Remember how many times your Mom
read you that story? How many times
you played dress up and waited for your
handsome prince or knight on a steed?
I have been disappointed over and over

in my grown-up life that no man ever
lived up to that fable…

To help ensure that we ‘get a good man’,
we’re strongly encouraged to excel in
homemaking arts: cooking, cleaning, sewing.
(Yes, I know that the newer generations
aren’t affected as heavily, yet all these are
prevalent in our collective, societal psyche.)
We weren’t encouraged to succeed in math,
engineering, etc. Thus, the thought of
recording your image and your sound can be
very intimidating.

3. “Who Do You Think You Are?” / “Who ME?!”

“What makes YOU an expert?!” I’m willing to
bet that while you heard this as a child from
a parent, teacher or relative, that you’ve said
it to yourself a gazillion times more. “Who am
I? What do I know?”

We’re taught to be quiet, focus on running the
house and be attractive so we’ll “find a good,
strong man to protect and provide for us”, so,
the LAST THING most of us could imagine
ourselves to be is a LEADER!

When we see other women, Condoleeza,
Hillary, famous singers / actresses, etc.,
they’re somehow in another league, special,
the chosen few, etc. We can’t possibly fathom
ourselves as being one of that group.

Yet, if you’re READING THESE WORDS,
you’re IN THAT GROUP! How do I know?
Something about the title, something in your
heart or gut, made you curious, made you want
to read this article. If you didn’t have the
leadership spark, you wouldn’t have been
compelled to click on it. That’s how I know.

What can you do to reverse the above?

1. Notice your underlying self-talk. When you
feel shame, blame, guilt, etc., go into it. Your
feelings are trying to tell you something. Put
yourself in a private place, turn the phone off.
Listen to the undercurrent; it’s kinda like the
thing that runs across the bottom of the TV
on CNN. In order to focus on what the news
person is saying, we have to ignore the
words travelling underneath. In order to focus
on our day-to-day activities – work, family –
we have to block out the words travelling
underneath. “I’m no one. No one wants to
hear anything I have to say.” Just notice
and listen to the words.

When you’re ready to go deeper: feel.
Get quiet and go into the feeling.

Two weeks ago, I went from great to despondent
in a matter of hours (very rare for me). On my way
‘down’, I remembered that it was another one
of ‘those’ times – the times when I go into
the tunnel and come out the other side;
having that thought before I plunged gave
me more courage to completely immerse
myself in it… I changed environments (went
on a short drive) to break up the energy /
give myself a different visual — please notice
I did NOT say, to change my feelings!!
Soon after I got behind the wheel, I saw:

Fourteen MOUNTAIN RANGES of shame that ran
my life; that controlled most everything
I said and did; that held me back from being
my whole self, from expressing all that is
inside me.

2. Note to self. Now and then, you think,
“Oh, I want to tell women about [money,
relationships, real estate, fitness].” If you’re
like a trillion other women, including me,
you start to explore that thought then are
immediately shut down by, “But I can’t.
Too stupid, expensive, impossible, out of
my comfort zone, don’t have permission
to do something like that.” The next time
you have an, “Oh, I want to tell…”, right
before the shut-down voices begin, do
a quick note to self: “I WANT TO TELL!
If I ever figure out how, I want to tell my
women how to [whatever],” then forget
about it and smile at the voices that
starting piping up, as if they are tiny
children (and they are!) that can’t help
it. Feel compassion for them; they were
born out of the need for self-preservation
and were there to try to protect you from
emotional harm.

3. Look for other women that have overcome what has until now stopped you. To yourself
say, “If SHE can do it, after what she’s
been through and with no budget, maybe
I CAN TOO!” (The nay-saying voices will
pipe up. Just smile. “Awww, sugars,
I hear you.”)

4. Surrender. You have the thoughts you
have (“I want to tell… If only they knew
what I know… I want to teach about…”) for a
REASON! Admit this to yourself. God /
the Universe didn’t them in your brain
by accident nor as a cosmic joke. 😉

If you do the above – be gentle and
patient with yourself – you will notice
subtle (and sometimes big!) changes
in your life. When you’re ready to move
closer toward your online video debut,
watch: 3 Keys To Being On Camera
…For more confidence, happiness, time,
energy: check out the free videos I have
for you on YouTube. Click here or type

LadyBossLifeCoach in the YouTube
browser. Watch me be a so-bad-it’s-cute rapper!
Watch me dress up as different me! Just watch!

Friday, at my remodeling job, I was yelled at, snapped at, eye-rolled at then spoken to in a condescending tone by another worker. It was quite surprising, as this has not happened with any other human for a very, very long time. I asked myself: Did I attract it? Am I holding the ‘kick me’ sign like the little creature in “What The Bleep Do We Know?”

My ego said, “Well, I NEVER! How dare he!” I felt I had to re-set my energy / ground myself (which also hasn’t happened in ages). There were times I almost gave him my power. There were times I silently accused him of being bi-polar, scantily endowed, threatened by strong women, etc…

Finally, by Saturday afternoon, I jumped in and yelled back from a place of simple expression – no anger, judgment nor blame – and it was kinda fun, believe it or not!

The important thing is to first FEEL whatever’s your ego is feeling. 1) It allows the flow of energy to keep flowing, rather than pushing it down. 2) The feelings are a message from yourself to yourself that there’s something you may (and probably) wanna look at and clear!

I felt my feelings fully. Once I’d acknowledged and honored my ego, I was able to take my ego out of the equation and see this from another perspective:

My inner self said, “Wow! What an opportunity! I’m in a half-million dollar home with a demon! Ha! The irony! The contrast!” (Notice, I felt ALL my feelings before I even viewed it from a different angle! Otherwise, es no bueno.) Know that there’s a silver lining here somewhere, especially if it’s not a regular occurrence in your reality!!!

For years now, I have told the Universe I want to be a vessel; I volunteered / vowed to be exactly who I am for my own and others’ growth / expansion… Perhaps HE had stuff that needs to be cleared… I never intend to be a catalyst or intense or whatever. I am just being my everyday self yet perhaps my energy stirred him up (which is not to say that his behavior is ok).

At no time did I feel insulted, humiliated, angry. It was a little unpleasant at times. It was a little frustrating: we could have had so much fun (I gave myself permission to have fun regardless: I LOVE painting and I love recognizing others / expressing myself. I said to him, “That is the fastest cutting in I’ve ever seen in my whole life.” “ That shirt looks nice on you.”); we could have accomplished so much more if we’d worked together. I couldn’t fathom how he could not see that.

I DID see that he just wanted to fight, resist, argue, create conflict. Since I have no need for people to change, no need for them to be something they’re not, it didn’t bother me as much as it would have even six months ago. (Yey!)

So, when / if this happens in your beautiful life, feel everything first then view it as a curiosity, as a part of the whole, amazing, adventurous tapestry of this group we call humanity, of this thing we call ‘life’. 😀

P.S. Why is it important to keep the flow flowing and remember how things usually are in your life? It lets your happiness set point shoot back up… Just hours after I clocked out, my handsome, funny neighbor invited me for grilled steaks and let me drive his sexy, black sportscar….

Between Abraham-Hicks and Derek Rydall, I am reminded that I am my own source!

One example is in the video I made in the Dallas airport: I was rushing around, stressing out, getting ready to go to the OKC airport. I noticed it and didn’t like how I was feeling. “What do I expect to feel when I finally get there?” I asked myself. “I will give myself permission at that point to feel calm, happy, excited… the heck with that! I want to feel that now!” So I did!

I used to make these – and everything else outside of me – my sources of happiness / satisfaction:

If my face looked ‘good’ in the bathroom mirror

If I found myself in a visually pleasing neighborhood (mine isn’t)

If I had money in my pocket and/or in the bank

If I had a guy to flirt with

If I got a text from my friends

If my pants fit

If the people I encountered during the day – friends and strangers – were respectful, nice, positive, etc. (And when they weren’t, OH! I was a ‘crappy creator’, judgmental, affected, etc.)

It was SO EMPOWERING to see this! It was great to look inside myself for

happiness

peace

satisfaction

Things flowed! Project work – that I used to have to force and guilt-trip myself to do – just flowed out of me, naturally, easily and with joy.

Nothing outside you can make you happy, nothing outside you can make you sad! Yes, you can enjoy EVERY- and anything but none of those things can disrupt you anymore, because you’re no longer giving your power away. YEY!

This is not about being ‘positive’ in the face of x, y or z. It’s about being SO FILLED UP with your own happiness and joy that nothing outside affects you one way or the other. It’s about accepting whatever happens outside of you as just being what it is.

An old fable I once heard:

There was an old man who lived on the outskirts of town. One day the townspeople showed up with a young woman and said, “She says you’re the father of her child.”

“Is that so?” he asked.

“Yes!” they said. “And you have to take care of the baby.”

“Is that so? he asked. And he did.

A few months later, the townspeople showed up again. “She says she lied and you’re not the father and she wants the child back.”

Guess his response…

What I get out of this story: the man went with the flow. He was neither happy nor upset and eventually, things resolved themselves without him doing anything but being accepting (although, as a mother, I felt a pange of sadness at the thought that he would miss the little one).

Speaking of feelings: this is also not about NOT feeling your feelings! Feel them! (Even ‘negative’ emotions are not able to capsize you, if you let them be what they are…) Ask yourself what the feelings are trying to tell you! Two days ago, I was in a snit like I haven’t had in weeks (and I let myself totally be in it! I accepted that I was upset!). I finally stopped, got quiet and saw that I had given SO MUCH of my power away to outside circumstances; I had made them my source. I took it all back and felt very differently. (Notice that I accepted and felt my stuff first before looking. 🙂 )

You can look at things without making yourself wrong or drumming up feelings of yuck. For example, just now it occurred to me that lately, I have found myself with people who are negative and victim-y… they go onnnn and onnnn and onnnnn… I started to think about what that is a reflection of yet, without telling myself I was doing anything wrong, without getting depressed… because I am no longer making ‘if I attract good things to myself, I’m worthy’ my source!..

From the time we’re three weeks old, Amercian society teaches us, “If you have ONE LINE on your face, you’re toast / worthless / old / washed up.”

When we see a pic of an older woman from another culture, oh ho HOOOO! We say AND think, ‘Oooohh, so wise and beautiful…’

Yet, when we see the equivalent photo of a white woman, we cringe and shudder! …It’s bullsh**!

This is all a ploy to get us to BUY PRODUCTS!!! Think about it! If the cosmetic industry can convince you that your face is wrong, you’ll buy the makeup, the skincare cream, the anti-aging formulas!! Ding ding ding ding ding!!!!!! And it can be scary, because everyone ELSE was brainwashed to think the same thing! I was dating a younger guy (okay, dating is too generous a word… 😉 ) and he actually held my face, looked at the skin below the right corner of my mouth and asked, “How did you get that scar?” OMG!

With that said, I love to put a little mascara on at night to emphasize my eyes and/or more makeup for theatrical purposes (and beards and mustaches; see my Christmas video 😉 ).

If you are into the whole makeup thing, I SO do not judge you; party on, Waynette! Just be aware that the cosmetic companies are brilliant marketers and that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!! Through the process of growing up watching adult women put on makeup and so on, and seeing movies, magazines, tv shows full of very made-up females, we were marketed to, and bought it hook, line and sinker. We were not taught how to radiate our glorious, feminine energy (here’s how you do it: https://youtu.be/oTL_I5Ihrh4).

I cannot tell you how many men go on and on and on about how beautiful I am…when I have not ONE stitch of makeup on my face!! I KNOW what they’re seeing is my shine, my personality, my happiness; I have worked on exuding those for a very long time (think about how, when you run out of the house, not ‘dressed up’, and you’re really happy and somehow don’t care that day, yet people react to you very positively!).

Once we get on the outfit, the bling-bling, the nails, the face goop, we hide behind it and let THAT show instead of what’s inside us; i’s what we were taught to do!

Do what works with your beliefs; just take some time to think about the TRUTH of how you ‘look’. Ttys – Hil

This summer’s heat has kicked my butt! And the hot flashes have not helped!

I swore – on my mother and a stack of Bibles – that the very min-ute I had a steady income, I would conquer the world, also known as get 38 books finished, make all the accompanying videos, touch a zillion lives, amass a fortune…

Yet every day after work, I was an exhausted, melted mess. “Oh my God,” went my self-talk, “I am the biggest loser / failure that ever lived….!” I was so-o-o-o frustrated until I started talkin’ to my girlfriends who know about stuff and whom are my age.

“Yes, it’s the heat,” they all said. I was so relieved! I hadn’t been able to understand what my deal was, now that I had plenty to eat, could pay bills on time and had a little wiggle room (also known as bean burritos with extra cheese, annnnn-ny time I want! Whoo-hoo! [and it shows on my waistline, but hey: Eat, Pray, Love!] ).

Yesterday, during another conversation, I discussed with my Cali pal how I set my financial intention everyday and have learned to hear my inner voice more clearly to achieve my money goals … ‘Wait!’ I thought. ‘Let me do the same with my energy level!’ and went to bed. Woke up at 5:30 a.m. to the sound of rain, which meant it was much cooler and for the first time in months, I would be comfortable while driving all over the city! Yeyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

(I have been 100 trillion percent miserable: soaked within 5 minutes of stepping out the door, then the van’s air conditioning freezes me to death because my clothes are damp and the cold air blowing sears my skin…[boo-hoo-hoo, lol] ).

Got ready with high expectations and excitement; I only needed $73 more to pay this week’s cab rent and buy a few groceries. Logged into dispatch at 6:38 a.m. and went to see if I could get loaded downtown. One hour yielded nothin’, which ordinarily wouldn’t fluster me a bit… yet today, I wasn’t just sad, I was reeeeeeal-ly sad… not to mention that the lower temperature was supposed to make this a VERY HAPPY DAY; precipitation was supposed to make it a very pro-fitable day… but it was stinkin’ to high heaven! What the heck?! Even after I ate a little food, I still couldn’t shake the icky feelings… to top it off, the people that finally boarded my cab (FIVE HOURS AFTER I STARTED TODAY, GRRRRRR!) weren’t very social no matter what I tried and snapped at me for taking the route they told me to take rather than the way I wanted to go…

I dropped them off, started questioning, and it hit me: I just had the heaviest cycle I’ve had in decades, thus, I was low on iron! It was that simple!

So, just know / remember that

Nearly every woman our age is sluggish in hot, humid weather (pre-menopause doubles the effect for me!).

Recall how energized you are in winter.

Be patient; do what you can when you can; your empirical plans ain’t goin’ anywhere.

Ask yourself what nutrients you may be missing: the Bs? iron? protein? then consume the best source of them that you can… – ttys, Hil

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So, one night (23 Jan ’13, Weds to be exact ;), I couldn’t sleep… then I still couldn’t sleep… not to mention I was out of tobacco (which is still harrowing)! Finally, it was almost time to get up! ‘Might as well go do temp labor,’ I thought.

Got there at 5:30, found someone with nicotine by 5:45. I was so relieved, I didn’t care what happened the rest of the day, PLUS, I was first in line, which sometimes makes a difference in where one gets sent.

I got assigned to go work on the turnpike… unique and different but really not that significant. Waterproof boots, vest, gloves and hardhat were required (rental and purchase cost me $3.50!). Went to take my drug test; passed, of course. Got to the location, had to drive over God-knows-what to park in the grass… One of the supervisers picked me up to drive me to my ‘station’ on the 8-mile project. He tailgated as the sun streamed right into his eyes while I held tightly to my seatbelt!

About 2 years ago, the same temp agency had sent me 45 minutes away to another road project. I was too honest not to confess to the supervisor that I wasn’t certified for the big machine that spews out water in preparation for the mud-smoothing vehicle, and got sent back. Well (!), the guy at the wheel on this day was the same guy from long-ago and, BOY was I glad I had told the truth back when!

In any case, I got dropped off and instructed to pry off cement scraps from the vertical part of the curb as part of the cleaning process before they lay the ‘carpet’, which goes under cement, tar and whatever other layers…

I had assumed that, being between the west- and eastbound lanes of a major turnpike, I would have to focus and tune it all out, BUT, crazily enough, it was very peaceful! I did have a touch of anxiety about the possibility of an out-of-control driver careening into the median, but managed to keep it at a manageable level (not to mention, it was one of the most beautiful days, weather-wise, you’ve ever seen! [which meant that the Port-A-Potty was only half the ordeal it is usually 😉 ] ).

The great thing about day labor work is that you get into a rhythm and because it’s repetitive, you can all but meditate… This particular site is so long that the nearest other worker was hundreds of yards away. I sang, I screamed, I swore and had the time of my life!

Shortly, I was like, OMG! how many times in one’s life does one get to work in the middle of the turnpike?! and started snapping pics. My second task was to consolidate cement scrap piles. This is before I started:

This is after:

By and by the burrito truck arrived and I promise, it was the best one I’ve had in years (kinda like when ya have hot dogs at camp, ya know?)!

Pretty soon, they ran out of stuff for me to do and transported back to my car. I already felt jubilant, what with being outside and being able to fully raise my voice (I would never in my condo [don’t get excited, it’s an efficiency, lol (and all the kingdom I need right now) ] because I don’t wanna disturb my neighbors…). Another part of mustering all my wherewithal to go do what I usually dread is that, once I’m clocked in, all the screaming about ‘WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TO PAY BILLS???!!!’ stops because I’m doing it. 😀

The guy who signed off paid me for two extra hours, which sent me further into joy… So, if you ever have a chance, you gotta do it, at least once. Lesson for me: what I feared would be another soul-annihilating day turned out to be amazing, and an opportunity for me to loudly proclaim and express melodies without causing another mental anguish or getting arrested for damaging their hearing. 😉