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Monday, August 31, 2009

I got an email from Oprah this morning. Although I'm often irritated with her lately (her shows aren't as good as they used to be and she made Mom's that blog look stupid) I still like to get her daily emails because there is some good info in there.

Today's email was about Motivation. We all know that I'm in desperate need of motivation and I'm struggling to get back on my track. At this point I can't even SEE the track. But I'm looking for it.

I talked last week about a couple things that I have to look forward to that should be motivating me to get my butt moving. Oprah just gave me a couple more things.

Exercising wards off Alzheimers.

This is an important one for me because if I lose my cognitive skills my husband is in really big trouble. This poor man as the memory of an gnat and I am constant having to remind him or things and find his stuff.

Exercising boosts your energy.

Again, I need more of THAT! I have Irish Twins (2 kids born in the same year) that are 2 and 3 and they run me ragged! I'm often so tired that I just let them do what they want because I'm too tired to stop them.

Exercising slows aging.

Not only do I feel old right now...I look older too. 10 years ago people were mistaking me for a 20 year old. Now I completely look my age and it's started to trouble me. And my recent skin cancer diagnose doesn't help. I want to look younger! Also learned a tip from The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Vaseline. On your face. No wrinkles!

Exercising helps manage menopause!

This is one of the reasons that I started all of this working out business. I know it's coming. THE CHANGE! I'm already getting the hot flashes and hormone swings. Once my metabolism shuts down...I'm screwed! I have to get this all under control before the big M hits.....

Exercising reduces the need for drug treatment.

This is a pet peeve of mine. I hate how doctors always want to throw DRUGS at a problem. My husband is a hypochondriac and at one time he was one 3 different drugs for things that I didn't really think were a problem he couldn't solve with some exercise and healthy food choices. And guess what? I was right. He is no longer on them...plus, they made him feel like shit! When I have an issue...I always try an herb remedy first.

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I'm challenging myself to stay under 15g of sugartoday! I'm got my handy Lose It iPhone App out and planning my meals for the day. I hope I can do it!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I didn't get my post written yesterday but I have a great excuse. Wanna hear it? I'm a Mom who blogs (as opposed to a Mommy Blogger) at The Young and The Relentless and yesterday I was the featured blogger at SITS. It was a great day! I had tons of visits and comments on my blog and made a bunch of new friends.

You will notice that I've gained two pounds since last week. I would like you to know that on Friday of last week...I weighed 206. But guess who showed up for my blogging party yesterday? TOM.

The last few months I've done a little experiment with some supplements and as soon as TOM leaves...I'll tell you about them. I think I've had a break thru on the PMS front.

I am having a horrible time getting back on track. I've too tired to get up early (because my son wakes up during the night...he's 3) and my kids are refusing to take a nap so I'm getting no workouts in. And when I'm tired...I eat.

One morning this week I was laying awake in bed at 4am (thanks Alex) and I was thinking about all of the things that are coming up that I wanted to lose weight for. The first one being the 5K that is not just 16 days away that I'm going to blow off.

And I have a fabulous blogging conference that I'm going to in October. I want to look all cute and stuff when I meet these bloggers for the first time. There is a shirt that I bought at the beginning of the summer that I want to wear....

Finally, I want to learn to ski! My friend Chrisy even offered to teach me and I told her I would do it *when I lost weight*. My reasoning for waiting was that I wanted to buy a CUTE OUTFIT to ski in and I didn't want to buy FAT CLOTHES.

So...here I sit. Not working out, eating Swiss Rolls (damn you Bobbi) and gaining weight. I guess I really need to have a long talk with myself and get motivated. Why can't I get my ass in gear?

SITScation........7 weeksLearn to Ski....20 weeks

This week AMBER wants to know what my favorite dieting secret is. If I had to come up with one thing that is a key to losing weight...I would have to say FIBER. We all know what fiber does for us....and if you are full of **** you will gain weight and feel like crap. Literally. This is a secret that I need to do more of...because it makes sense that if you eat healthy, natural food (made by God a farmer) that you will process it faster and feel better.

I've been sick. I had this huge epiphany last Thursday....and then I got a horrible head cold. I'm just NOW starting to feel better....but it's been a week of comfort food and laying around.

You may notice that I changed the name of my blog. I am now Fat to FIT Mommy. You can read all about the changes in my thinking and name if you click HERE. I recently had a bunch of drama in my life involving my parents and my decision to not have them in my life (for now) brought back so many memories and feelings I needed to deal with. It was as if a light bulb went off and a lifetime of bad choices became clear to me.

I'm putting the past behind me and starting over with a clean slate. I will no longer allow toxic people to create drama in my life. I will walk away from people that aren't good for me. I will be selfish and do things that are right for me and my family.

Not just back to school time, but basically, summer is coming to an end. Is summer harder or easier for you to stick to your weight loss goals?

I've been thinking about summer ending because I'm not a workout in bad weather kind of girl and once the temperatures drop....I will need to move my exercise indoors. Which shouldn't be that hard since I have an Elliptical and a Weight machine in my basement. It's just a matter of committing to the change in routine. I can do it...and I will! That said, I will need to find all of the motivation that I can because I tend to want to hibernate in the cold Utah winter.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

When I was a little girl and I thought about having a family of my own; I always dreamt of having a daughter. I couldn't wait to dress her up and do girly things with her. So when I finally started having children and we were blessed with Mallory....I was so happy!

Lately, I'm realizing having this girl in my life is a huge responsibility. In this day and age, Children are bombarded with images on TV, movies and magazines of unrealistic body types and things that want to steal their childhood from them.

I desperately want my daughter to be a child for as long as she possibly can. I want her to love her body and have a healthy self-esteem. In addition to that I also want her to be athletic and never have the weight problems that have plagued me my entire life.

All of this begins with ME!

I was listening to my favorite daily blog talk radio show yesterday and Fiona Bryan (aka Bantering Blonde) was guest hosting for Jen Hinton. The topic of the show was Body Image and we were talking about the Kelly ClarksonSELF magazine cover that was altered to make her appear thinner. We also talked about how we can help our kids have a positive body image and it gave me a lot to think about.

I thought about the example that I'm setting for my children and it occurred to me that I'm not doing a very good job. Ever since they were born (and for many years before) I've been struggling with my weight. I've always been trying to shed some pounds and it has always been hard for me. I grew up with poor eating habits and with someone commenting on my weight and often felt like his love was conditional. If I was heavy...he wouldn't love me as much. Those thoughts are still with me.

When I started this blog...I named it Fat Mommy to Hot Mommy and I was focused on losing weight. This has been my focus for years.....and years. And I have lost weight but it is never permanent because it isn't a lifestyle change. It is always temporary because I'm not focusing on the right things. I realized that I don't want to be a HOT Mommy...I want to be a FIT Mommy!

Because of the connections I've made through this blog and twitter, I've realized that it's more than just losing weight...I want to be healthy and fit. I want to make PERMANENT changes that will have a direct impact on my kids and what they learn from me. I want to stop feeding my feelings and I want to be active and athletic!

One person that has been the biggest inspiration to me is Chris Ross from See Chrisy Run. She has been a runner for years and she recently started training for a series of races in the Utah mountains. Last Saturday, she and her friend (she calls her Supermodel) ran the Jupiter Peak Steeplechase...straight up a mountain! I don't see myself ever doing something like (I'm not that brave) but what touched me, is how proud her boys are of her.

I want to run, bike, ski and play with my kids. I want them to be proud of me and my fitness. I want to keep up with them and to live a very long life so that I can see them become fabulous adults. All of this begins with me....

So the first thing I did was change my blog name to Fat to FIT Mommy.

I have so much to learn and work to do. It's hard to undo damage from your childhood but I'm determined to do it...so that my kids have a better life.

I've been a very naughty girl. *connie hangs head in shame* It's been an emotional week. My skin cancer diagnosis left me reeling and in shock. But thanks to many wonderful emails and comments I discovered that the chances of it being Melanoma are slim. And if by chance it is, I'll deal with it. However, these revelations....didn't prevent me from doing some emotional eating. I knew what I was doing and I knew the consequences.

My sister has been here a week and a half and I'm struggling with her being here because of the FOOD issue. She buys lots of junk food and I've found myself eating it. She also eats like a Toddler so I've altered our menu to accommodate her and it's taking it's toll on my eating habits. I've got to find a way to balance this out.

Bobbi's stash...it was worse, we ate some of it.

I jumped back on the Wagon yesterday and I was happy to see the wagon sitting outside my house waiting for me at 5:30am this morning! I wandered the neighborhood...not sure where I wanted to walk...this darkness is freaking me out a little. I ran into my little old man and I noticed that his ball has a string attached. What a smart guy! I also saw a falling star (my husband has informed me it was a METEOR) and I had to laugh because When I Grow Up by The Pussycat Dolls was playing and this was the line when I saw it....

Be careful what you wish forCuz you just might get itYou just might get itYou just might get it

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

My alarm went off at 5:15am this morning...like it does most mornings. For the last two weeks I've been shutting it off in the middle of the night because I'm not getting enough sleep. There is a little boy in my house with sinus trouble and he likes to play in the middle of the night and then he gets hungry. It's really hard to get up at 5:15am when you had to serve snacks in bed to your toddler at 1:36am.

Anyway, I have a ring tone that wakes me up that is somewhat motivating. It is what gets me out of bed most mornings. It's from the Big & Rich Song Big Time.

Today is even better than yesterday

Everything is going my way

I'm living the big time

Once I hear this...it runs through my head a few times and then I get up. Today was tough. For once, I didn't have a headache but I did have a pain in my stomach that I know well. A gallbladder attack.

I haven't had an attack in almost two years but I know why I'm getting one now. I've been eating crap and not drinking water or exercising. It's been an emotional week and I take it out on food. Plus, my sister is here and she buys all kinds of crap and it calls to me from the pantry. Thinking of getting a lock box for her to put her stuff in....

I laced up my shoes, grabbed my water bottle and I was off like a Prom dress. It's really dark in Utah at 5:30am so I've decided to walk through the Adult Living community a few blocks away. It's well lit and there is a little old man that walks there every morning. He's smarter than I, as he wears a flashing red light on his belt. He also bounces a small ball every few steps and his movements are fluid and light. I'm sure he is pushing 80 and he inspires me....

I also ran into the Mormon Barbies that I see ever so often. I wave as they trot by in their perfectly matching workout outfits, tanned limbs and sleek blonde ponytails. I'm jealous of their ability to run....

When I started out this morning,I told myself that no matter what, I was going to go 2 miles....I look at my iPhone and I'm only at 1.26 miles. My knees are sore and my right hip is starting to talk to me.

I'm at a crossroads. I can keep walking straight and go home...finishing just under 1.5 miles or I can turn left, walk up the hill and reach my goal. Before I make up my mind a new song comes on my iPod...Lose Yourself by Eminem.

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunityTo seize everything you ever wanted-One momentWould you capture it or just let it slip?

That was the push I needed and I took the long way home....2 miles exactly!

On Monday, I was all worried that I had thrown away the last 2 and a half months worth of work. I finally got out for a walk and it felt like I was starting over. I have lost my momentum and I'm working to get that back...but it's hard. Especially after yesterday.....

As part of my attempt to take better care of myself I made an appointment to see a Dermatologist to have all of my moles inspected. (they all checked out fine) While I was there I was going to have her look at this spot on my face that I've had for a couple years that is like a dry patch that will never go away no matter how much lotion I put on it. The worried look on her face as she examined it sent chills down my back. She told me that she would be taking a biopsy of it to *see how bad it is*.

I have skin cancer.

I left the office and called my husband from the parking lot and I broke down. How could I have waited so long to have this checked? I racked my brain to think of how long it has actually been there and it's been at least 2 years...and it's grown. I spent the day trying not to think about it but the word cancer kept creeping into my thoughts. And of course I googled skin cancer which was a bad idea. I won't know anything for three weeks (sooner if it's REALLY bad) so I'm going to try not to worry...but it's hard.

In the back on my mind I knew this day was coming. I grew up with a Mom that taught me to suntan with baby oil and we never used sunscreen when we were out on the boat. As an adult, I had what they call Tanarexia....I frequented the tanning salon several days a week and bought lotions to make me darker! I'm happy to say that I haven't done any of that in six years but the damage has been done.

Monday, August 3, 2009

I haven't exercised (except for that one walk in Wisconsin) for two and a half weeks. I was on such a roll before I went on vacation. Even though I was struggling with migraines...I still went out and moved! And I took that Zumba class! Wow...I was feeling so good.

I got up this morning at my usual time and it was pitch black outside (and HOT). I don't really like walking in the pitch black that much because I worry that people can't see me. I didn't encounter any cars....but it still makes me nervous.

So the results of this morning were that I was only able to go 1.5 miles. My back and knees were hurting and I felt like I was walking through sand. I've lost my momentum. Two and a half months of work is down the drain and I feel like I'm starting over!

The 5K I was training for is only 6 weeks away....I'm not sure I have enough time now.

Also...since I'm in a confessing mood. My sister moved in with us this weekend. She left an impossible situation in Texas, packed up everything and moved to Utah. We are jokingly calling her my Sister-Wife because I seriously need some help around here with these kids! I know I'm going to love having her here...but she drinks Dr. Pepper. OH TEMPTATION! I'm trying to resist.....

*connie chases the wagon and jump back on*

Anyone else struggling lately?

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. ~Martin Mull