About 10 years ago now my ex girlfriend an i of 7 years were in a on off period in our relationship, at this time i spent alot of time with my best friend and friends, i would confide in my best friend on my situation with my girlfriend, he would assure me and say things like dont worry we will get a shared place and get on with our lives (We were 19 at the time so the age to be thinking about becoming independant)

A few months later i found out through a friend that was reluctant to even tell me that my best friend was meeting up with my ex very often and was even bringing her out with the rest of our friends (obviously when i wasnt around) and everyone knew except me !! for months ......

anyway i kept my intel under wrapps because me and my best friend both had invested in things that we share between us. such as musical equepment and so on......
so i suggested these shared things have there turn at my house for a few months, so with my recent discovery, my plan was to leave this group of friends that i had literally been friends with my whole life starting from very first years of school. leaving with my new half paid for equipment, semi stolen out of the despicable acts of a best friend.............

i didnt want to do it ! but i was faced with questions like....

why has no one told me ?

am i really that much of a low ranking member of the group that they would all happily keep this from me ?

Should i leave them all ?

Whats lonelier ? being alone ? or being with a group of so called friends like this ?..............

MY desicion was to leave them all behind, i figured i was hanging around with a bunch of immoral lowlifes, that would eventually crush me into low self asteem........ well its 10 years later..... its never been lower !!!

But im jumping to far ahead - REWIND ............

so.. i made my desicion.....

This desicion allowed the group to talk about me amongst themselves in a whole new light of hatred, i spent a minimum of 10 years with these guys, so i know ther the sort of ppl to put ppl down all the time using shear numbers of the group, theres always been one or 2 ppl in the lime light of these guys jelly talk and demonizing............... i suppose it was just my turn !!!!!

a year or so later have passed its my 21st Bday and my ex turns up and somehow we are talking again..... P.S ( her n my best friend never sealed the deal for a relationship) wich suited my (so called) best friend fine cz he was young , dumb and horny.
(in other words he was still exploring)

yep - A few months after my 21st me and my ex are back together, after all she was my highschool sweetheart, i really did love this girl and she did back, i looked at the past and realised we all make mistakes and learn from them or find out what we really want.......

ive been pretty lonely this last year or 2 trying to find new friends with what feels like the added demonization of me by my old friends spreading fast accross my city, sometimes to people that dont even know me !!! coming up to me saying 'are you so n so ?' , me replying 'yeh 'and them saying some very uneducated insults at me based on what my old friends are saying about me .........

18 months after my 21st, ive created a new life, i have new friends (or so i thought) i have a career focus thats going well and me and my ex are still together happily (or so i thought)

My ex confronts me with the fact shes cheated and with guess who, my ex best friend, i couldnt look her in the eye when i was told, i knew instinctivly before she even told me who it was she cheated with, i told her to go, she left replying i love you repetadly.....

the demonization of me still remains and is now worse with my ex girlfriend jumping on the bandwagon, at this time i feel hated by lots that have no genuin reason to hate me other than the fact they were involved in gossip that had my name swung about.

so ....... im at an all time low at this time, but i got my carrer focus and new friends coming in daily.

a year later

im settled in with a new group of friends, but i still feel demonization of me on one side of the city, but
im doing buisuness with a new friend, weve decided to start up something we both love doing (#BONDING)

Bonding my ass ! this guy wanted my set of skills and that only !....so not much happens from here in the new group of friends untill i feel the end of the friendship coming,i feel ive landed inside a group of popular narrcasists , everyone always talking jelly about somone and i hated it, i never got involved....
sooner or later i became subject to this behaviour and this stole the last of my self a steem, as a result i slowly dissapeared from the group.........

im now 27 and ive been socially excluded for a long time now, i wont work, i wont go outside barely, ill just keep myself to myself. so much fear out there for me ! all the jelly talk, all the demonization, all the hatred..... ive heard a million times all the right things to do, but theres a difference between thinking up these ideas than actually taking part in them after my experiences.............

Anyone else ever suffered or suffer from similar situations ?
id like to know im not the only one and id still like to hear solutions ?

sorry for the long story

Thanks

Last edited by snail on Sat Feb 21, 2015 3:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:Edited by Snail for swearing.

This sort of problem is relatively common. Are you able to visit your doctor at all? If you explain to him or her that you are suffering from severe social anxiety/agoraphobia and are not able to work, your doctor will be able to refer you for cognitive therapy, and may possibly prescribe you something to help with the anxiety and depression (if you want that). I think you are likely to find this very helpful in getting better.

These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.