6 year old Katie suffered more than most, with her sandcastle taking the worst of the damage

CHIGGLESWORTH, London -- The good people of England are once again in a state of anarchy and confusion after a massive earthquake, the biggest ever seen in the United Kingdom, struck at the heart of the country this morning. The quake measured 1.1 on the Richter scale, far surpassing the next biggest quake on record, which measured 0.3 and was recorded over three million years ago.

Emergency services received calls from almost everybody, causing both of their phones to break, as millions took to the streets to panic. "There were people running around like headless chickens", said one London resident. "They were screaming and throwing things at each other, many were running in circles, and then the earthquake struck."

Confusing messages were being received from Downing Street this morning, as their first press release telling everyone to panic was corrected with a further message advising people NOT to panic. An apology for the typo in the first message was also issued. People are apparently choosing the first option as a precaution.

Aftershocks have been predicted, and as a precaution, the government are expecting to announce an emergency evacuation of the country this evening. France is the likely destination, and they are apparently considering an offer to ‘swap countries’, after the recent garlic shortage has driven the country to despair.