2.19.2011

Well, one month has flown by! I can say that I am looking better and feeling better. I have lost some poundage, inches, and quite a bit of body fat percentage, and am getting really excited about the next couple of months...and even after.

I have been working out consistently 6 days a week and going really hard. At least 2-3 hours a day.
I know 2 hours sounds like a lot, but for me 2+ hours is necessary. Every exercise I do serves its purpose. Back in the day, I would work out whenever I could between work and school, and on Saturdays I would do my own solo triathlons just for fun. So, sometimes I got in 3-4 hours of working out a day. When people say they do not have time for it... I say baloney! Even if it is just a couple of times a week, for 30 minutes. There IS time!

Of course, I do not have a job right now, or kids, so I could work out for 8 hours if I wanted to. :) But, when I was working, going to school, and being an awesome girlfriend and wifey, I just made time for it. I would study while doing cardio on the treadmill, or sometimes even coerce my boss into doing a fitness video with me. And of course, Frankie was a fitness phenom, so we worked out all the time together. And if we weren't working out, we were snowboarding, rock-climbing, playing volleyball, ping-pong, basketball, swimming, surfing, or trying some other fun sport! We motivated one another perfectly.

This 2+ hours does not include my walks with my puppy wuppy doo doo. Those are usually around 30 - 45 minutes. On Sunday, I try to take it easy, but take a much longer walk/jog with Kai.

On top of that, I hired a personal trainer, who has given me a workout plan and some really fun, but really tough workouts a couple of times a week, and he is just really awesome. He knows I am really serious about this, and has actually mentioned once I lose the weight that I should do a fitness competition. He does them....and I can see that being a good goal, but first I have to lose 30+ pounds! ha!

It really has not been hard at all. It is amazing how much more energy I have. Even when I am not working out, I feel like I need to be doing something. Besides my intense workouts, I am eating the right balance of foods that my body is fueled the best by. I have always eaten clean, healthy, organic foods, but the last couple of years it has been hard to consistently feed myself right. My metabolism went all crazy because I started eating less frequently, and that on top of stress did me in. Now, I know that for me, I have to stay consistent.

I am not one of those girls who can get away with light workouts, and sort of eating healthy. I have to be all in. So, I am all in for the long-term! 8 weeks are going to fly-by, but even after that, I am so excited to maintain and even get better over time. Frankie and I were immensely inspired by Don Wildman. Seriously, if you have the time, click on his name and read the article about this man! Both Frankie and I aspired to be like him when we were old! I want to get back in shape so I can keep having more adventures like the ones Frankie and I had together.

I felt like I had lost a huge piece of who I was by not working out consistently. I absolutely love it. Always have. Now, there is no stopping me! It is so amazing because I had the drive to workout before Frankie died, but now it feels so different. Sometimes my workouts are pretty insane, but I smile the whole time because I know I push myself harder because of how blessed I feel to still have my body and spirit together. I am amazed really at all that our human form is capable of and know that Frankie would want me to use it to the up-most of it's abilities. I know he smiles every time I think to myself "Can't is a bad word." And of course his favorite, "Pain is only weakness leaving the body."

This is just for my own personal motivation :) Every time I run, I think of this in my head!

I feel amazing. Man, I missed this feeling. Can't wait for another good workout tomorrow. :)

2.15.2011

Frankie and I always got each other cards. Usually 2 or 3 at a time because we liked funny ones and weird ones, and serious ones. We always gave each other random cards during the year. But, I went through all of our Valentine ones this morning. I love them all for different reasons, but this one just summed up so much of of what I feel every day. And Frankie would always fill up the whole other side of my cards with the most loving words.
Frankie and I were always so blissfully happy because we had each other. And even now I feel that bliss because I know he is around me always. Today I could not help but just celebrate our love even more than I always do. I saw a few things during the day where I knew he was with me, and I couldn't help but smile because I knew he was next to me...making me happy. Man, I love my husband so much. It is amazing how it is so strong, and even stronger through all of this.

I have put the following that Frankie wrote to me on my blog before....but I love it so much, and it is the perfect thing for me that sums up our never-ending love. Happy Valentine's Day!

Brooke,

There is an ocean which no eye can see the end. There are no sides, no beaches, no banks, or beds - Just water that continues forever. Within this sea that has no end there is just two people. Just you and me - swimming and splashing, laughing and kissing. I hold you close as I lift my hand from the water we watch the water drip off my skin and it goes back to the ocean drop by drop. I look into your eyes so blue and true to me and say - "Each drop that must fall to fill this ocean is from my heart and each one is a piece of my love I have for you. As you can see it is never-ending. Never. With each passing unit of time my sea of love deepens for you Brooke. I love you."

2.04.2011

Tonight I am getting that feeling. That overwhelming build up of emotions inside. My eyes brimming with tears. Missing my love so much. That tightening of my chest, because I feel my heart snap again from the pain. "I stood still, vision blurring, and in that moment, I heard my heart break. It was a small, clean sound, like the snapping of a flower’s stem." — Diana Gabaldon

I miss his laugh so much. I miss all the silly things I would do, just to make him laugh. To see those eyes light up with love for me, is better than watching the most gorgeous sunrise or sunset I could ever imagine. I loved it when he would just look at me, and then he would take a deep breath, and I would realize I had stopped breathing too, and we would both just breath in...and no words had to be said, because it was just so right.

And now my tears have fallen, and I will go to sleep, on my tear stained pillow with hopes of dreaming of his eyes looking into mine.

And tomorrow I will awake, and I will pick up the broken pieces and gather my broken heart, again... and I will choose to smile and will continue to dream and hope for what will be, with our eternal love guiding me...