All posts in Humor

Beginner’s Guide to Aviation Terminology…

( Found in one of those forwarded emails )
AIRSPEED – Speed of an airplane. (Deduct at least 25% when listening to a fighter pilot. Deduct 50% when listening to a Mooney pilot)
BANK – An institution that holds the lien on most pilots’ cars.
CARBURETOR ICING – A phenomenon reported to the FAA by pilots immediately after they run out of gas.
CONE OF CONFUSION – An area about the size of New Jersey located near the final approach fix at an airport.
DEAD RECKONING – You reckon correctly, or you are.
DESTINATION – Geographical location 15 minutes beyond the pilot’s bladder saturation point.
ENGINE FAILURE – A condition that always results when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with low-octane air.
FIREWALL – Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit.
FLIGHT FOLLOWING – 1. Formation flying 2. Bird watching.
GLIDE DISTANCE – Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
HOBBS METER – An instrument requiring an immediate emergency landing if it should fail during dual instruction.
HYDROPLANE – An airplane landing long and “hot” on a short and very wet runway.
LEAN MIXTURE – Nonalcoholic beer.
MINI MAG LITE – Device designed to support the AAA battery industry.
NANOSECOND – Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of carburetor icing (see above).
PARASITIC DRAG – A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.
RICH MIXTURE – What you order at another pilot’s promotion party.
ROGER – Used when you have no idea about what else to say.
SECTIONAL CHART – Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination.
SERVICE CEILING – Altitude above which the cabin crew cannot serve drinks.
SPOILERS – 1. FAA Inspectors. 2. Box lunches
STALL – Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late.
STEEP BANKS – Banks that charge pilots more than 10% interest.
TURN & BANK INDICATOR – An instrument largely ignored by pilots.
USEFUL LOAD – Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight.
WAC CHART – Directions to the Army female barracks.
YANKEE – Any pilot who has to ask New Orleans tower to “Say again”.