In my essay, "The Phantom Menace",
I predicted that Saddam Hussein  and indeed, virtually all of the "terrorists" that
government has paraded before us  would turn out to be absolutely no
threat whatsoever. I pointed out that the FedGov's stated reasons for starting a
war with Iraq were mutually exclusive.

History is now bearing out my assertion. The Weapons of Mass Destruction(TM) that
the FedGov shrieked were in imminent danger of being used against Americans have
disappeared. In fact, Bush Administration officials are now claiming that it is
unlikely that any are to be found.

This is in direct contradiction to what Dubyuh and his cronies claimed immediately
prior to the invasion. At that time, the story was that the FedGov's spy
satellites had conclusive proof of the WMDs' location, and that the only reason
the FedGov wouldn't release this data to UN weapons inspectors was to maintain the
anonymity of US intelligence sources.

Now that the war is all but over and US troops are crawling all over the place,
the WMDs have somehow become impossible to locate.

There are three possibilities to account for this:

There never were any WMDs. The Bush Administration deliberately lied, using
the occasion to gain effective control of an enormous oil reserve.

US intelligence is incredibly faulty  so faulty that a war was started on
the basis of items that never existed. If intelligence was so poor on an item
this critical, it calls into question every single piece of intelligence gathered
before or since. None of it should be trusted.

The WMDs were smuggled out of Iraq prior to the war and are now in the
clutches of some other evil madman.

There is no way to know which of these is true. However, last week, when a caller
confronted leading Republican whore Rush Limbaugh with this very idea, Dubyuh's
next move in the War on Freedom (nee War on Drugs, nee War on Poverty, nee Great
Society, nee New Deal) was unwittingly telegraphed.

Keeping half his brain tied firmly behind is back (just to make sure he didn't
accidentally come to a rational conclusion), Rush stated that he simply couldn't
believe that the Bush Administration would lie about the existence of the WMDs.
Similarly, Republican-run intelligence couldn't possibly be that faulty,
particularly given its success during the war. Therefore, the WMDs must have been
spirited out of Iraq prior to the war.

"I would be in favor of taking Syria apart to find them," Limbaugh opined.

This, then, will be the next logical step in the War on Freedom:

Use the Weapons of Mass Destruction(TM) that were smuggled out of Iraq as
justification for further draconian domestic policies. Continue to terrify
Americans with ghost stories about non-existent domestic terrorists as a means to
assume additional power.

Claim that the Weapons of Mass Destruction(TM) were smuggled into [INSERT NAME
OF POLITICALLY INCONVENIENT COUNTRY WITH LARGE OIL RESERVES HERE] as justification
for invading other countries.

Don't do the one thing that would actually reduce the likelihood of terrorism
on American soil.

It's quite clear (echoed by Rush Limbaugh) that the Bush Administration considers
American control of the Middle East imperative. The rationale for this will be
fighting terrorism or liberating oppressed peoples: the honest truth, of course,
is that Bush believes America to be inextricably bound to Middle Eastern oil.
It's time, in Dubyuh's mind, to "bring civilization to the Darkies," and he
doesn't care what lies he has to spew in order to do it.

"But Bill," the Republican apologists will whimper, "the military isn't going to
stay in Iraq. As soon as Iraq has democracy and a free country, they'll leave."

If this is so, will Iraqi oil companies be free to sell oil at double the current
prices if that's what the market will bear?

Of course not. The FedGov will forevermore exert at least enough political
control over the country to maintain cheap oil prices. This is all the FedGov has
ever been interested in and all it will ever be interested in.

"Freedom," "liberation," "Weapons of Mass Destruction(TM)" ... these are all just
sounds to those in the FedGov, noises to be made when attempting to garner public
support. To Dubyuh and his ilk, these words have no meaning beyond how they may
be used to inflame the emotions of those who vote.

Noise, that's all: just noise. If Klingonese
would serve to stir up emotions, Dubyuh would be be ranting, "batlh da Qawlu' taH! Qa'pla!"

If you still can't conceive of the notion that this is entirely a con game
constructed by individuals expert at manipulating your emotions, consider this:

There is one thing  one simple, completely free thing  the FedGov could do to
reduce the likelihood of terrorism on American soil to nil. It could be
implemented with the stroke of a pen, unilaterally, and not require any input by Congress.

The President could enforce the Second Amendment to the United States
Constitution. He could declare all 20,000 gun laws on the books both
Unconstitutional and immoral, instruct the Attorney General to prosecute anyone
who attempts to enforce a victim disarmament law, and issue pardons to anyone
convicted of a gun crime involving no violence.

The day after this occurred, crime would plummet and domestic terrorists would
stop planning any of their nefarious activities. The September 11 terrorists
would never have attempted their hijackings had there been some likelihood that
they were surrounded by armed individuals who would never let their day be
interrupted in that fashion.

That Dubyuh isn't even considering such an action is proof positive of his
intentions. He doesn't want free individuals capable of defending themselves and
those around them from terrorists. He wants ready victims dependent on government
to do it for them.

At the opening of another fictional war, Obi-Wan Kenobi remarked that they would
not have carried a victory but for the intervention of
the clones. To paraphrase
Yoda's response:

"Victory? Victory, you say? Not victory  a defeat it was. Begun, the Freedom
War has!"

William Stone, III is a computer nerd (RHCE, CCNP, CISSP) and
Executive Director of the Zero Aggression
Institute.
He seeks the Libertarian Party's nomination for the 2004 Senate race in South Dakota.