Don’t let the sun set on anyone with a sombreroA large segment of Arizona residents feel the state is under siege from illegal immigrants, whose presence represents a security and economic threat to the state’s livelihood.

The perception, however, is that it’s an attack on Latino culture, specifically the language.

Taken literally, this law means that people with heavy Southern accents or Texas twangs can’t teach English. Teachers with lisps are out of work. Even Stephen Hawking couldn’t teach sixth grade science in Arizona, since his computer-generated voice is hard to understand.

Arizona, however, wasn’t through with those Mexicans. Hardly.

White is company. Brown is a crowd.The state’s new motto should be “Hey Martinez and Gomez! Get the hell out!”

Gee, I wonder what ethnic group would be impacted by this? Estonians? Chinese? The Dutch?

Why, no. None of them.

State Public Instruction Superintendent Tom Horne just came out and said it was targeting Latino studies. Horne is bent about a book called “Occupied America: A History of Chicanos.”

But, luckily for Arizona, this bill addresses other nonproblems.

Black History month is probably a goner, and there are dance committees across the state right now wondering if they’ll have to ditch the Sadie Hawkins dance — America’s last homage to hillbilly culture and Li’l Abner — at the last minute.

At least there’s a funny part: The bill also

bans classes promoting the overthrow of the U.S. government.

I’m betting that “Occupied” book won’t mean a lot to anyone who reads it. I don’t remember much from my high school algebra or chemistry classes. Even if I had taken Sedition as a high school elective, I probably have forgotten most of the terrorism stuff by the following summer.

Of course, if I needed a refresher course in anti-government propaganda, I could go to a Tea Party rally.

New laws for ArizonaThis might be the beginning of a whole slate of laws targeting Latinos in Arizona. I wonder if these laws are already on the books:

• A Mariachi band with five or more members is now a criminal organization and can be prosecuted under RICO laws.

• A Quinceañera may be commandeered by local police and used as a detention facility

• Burritos and tacos are now considered deadly weapons.

• If you go to Subway and order a “sangwish,” you can be charged with assault on the English language. If you add jalapeño peppers to said sangwish, the charge can be enhanced to an aggravated felony.

• Telenovelas are now considered controlled substances, and watching them is now considering a substance addiction.

• Don Franciso of Sábado Gigante can be charged as a pimp under the state’s new “Mexican guys surrounded by Mexican chicks” laws.