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18. dec. 2011

Am I afraid of being close?

It is easier to give than to receive. At least, that is what I think - what I think it is like for me. If I am unable to receive - I will lack closeness. Lacking closeness gives me sorrow. I cannot be 100% sure I am right. I might be wrong. According to A Course in Miracles - giving and receiving is the same. So probably my ego is on the stage here - telling me I am good at giving - but not receiving. Might the truth be it is just the other way round? Or might the truth be - none of this is true?I have been discussing the feeling of sorrow with a close friend of mine. He holds that sorrow gives some kind of safety. I know that the feeling of sorrow has a great attraction - but does it give me safety? I have never thought of it this way. So I gave it a thought...

Of course it gives me safety - it gives my ego safety. If I am in sorrow - I have chosen the ego - kept it alive and well and made a distance to my Right Mind, made a distance to God.The feeling of sorrow is often related to being left alone, not being with one you long for, someone departed or just missing someone or something, and not knowing excatly what it is. This is actually a very good picture of the real problem - my feeling of being abandoned by God. (Or actually the feeling of guilt for ME abandoning God).

This is what I do in my relationship with God. I keep a distance, it gives me sorrow - and I feel safe in that. A wellknown feeling. And all of this - just because I am afraid of closeness. I am afraid of being one with all that is. I am afraid of being one with everybody around me, afraid of being one with Jesus, that is my problem. But actually this problem can be solved if I so choose...

The big question is - how do I solve that preceived problem?? I know one thing for sure - I am not able to do that on my own. I have to ask for help. From whom? Well, I have a lot of helpers. Angels are always around and willing to help, Mary is there and Jesus of course. And then there is the Holy Spirit. I can take a pick.A pick of who will help me forgiving myself for chosing my wrong mind, for chosing my ego, and sorrow.I am free to change my mind NOW. That is what I will do.