Monday, November 8, 2010

Walls

Yesterday, while talking to three of my closest friends about this and that, I started feeling majorly uncomfortable about some things. I realized I still have a huge amount of walls built up.

Some of them are good walls. (I guess I would call them "Boundaries".) Some of them are walls I've just always had. Some of them are walls that have grown from my recent past. I guess I didn't realize how much they really bother me.

I don't think of myself as a fragile person, but I guess I kind of am. While people just tell me to ignore the walls and get over it, I realize that I just can't. There are some walls that are perfectly OK staying there, and the right person will one day help me with them.

I'm not going to take a bomb and blow up these walls. Some of them are going to have to be dismantled brick by brick. Layers are going to have to be peeled back. I'm completely convinced that some of the walls are just going to stay there. Some of them need to, at least for right now.

People don't know everything about me. They will never know exactly what and to what extent things happened. They don't need to.

I'm trying not to be paralyzed, but at the same time I'm not going to jump someones bones just to get over my sudden fear of intimacy, you know? There's gotta be a happy medium somewhere!