Horrible thoughts terrible anxiety

I always feel as if I am destined to be punished to certain decisions I made. We all make mistakes but my anixety doesn’t let me live it....
I went through something serious so I stupidly went out with friends for the night. I got really drunk and even smoked some pot.... I felt so sick so I left I stupidly drove. I remember getting home
But not the full ride home..... my anxiety is killing me. What if I hit a car? Whag is I hit someone? What if I killed someone?! Would I know , even if I was blacked out ... would I know if I hit something?!?!

I am losing my mind and feel horrible. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I’m just so embarrassed. My car is fine I checked it.... My friends think I’m crazy but they don’t have anxiety like me... yes it was dumb of me. I wasn’t thinking and I’ll neber do this again...
Someone help :(

Don't quite understand -- do you have an ongoing chronic anxiety problem or is it just guilt over this one incident? As for the guilt, guilt helps us learn what not to do, and then we move on hopefully not repeating the mistake. You've learned the lesson and on that issue now it's time to move on -- this is something you don't want to do again, it doesn't matter what others think, and you've learned the right lesson -- don't drive drunk. But if you have chronic anxiety, that's a different story, and I'd ask, if you do have that and it's interfering with your life a lot are you in therapy for it? Are you doing anything to try to stop thinking that way? So the car thing isn't anxiety, that's guilt. If you let guilt fester, it can turn into depression. That's why you learn from it what it has to teach and move on. If you don't, that's insecurity. For the chronic stuff, you try to learn how not to think in a way that impedes your life. From the sound of it, you're still functioning in life, which is why I think therapy is a place to go. If you has said you weren't functioning well at all, it might be time to talk to your therapist about seeing a psychiatrist about meds, but again, it sounds like you still can do things, you just relive them afterwards and judge yourself very harshly and can't let it go. For that I think therapy, again, is the place to go to work on that. Peace.

Anxiety is awful, isn't it? You checked your car, your body and with your friends. Nothing happened. I guess there is a good lesson in that drinking alcohol can be dangerous and lead to accidents if you drive . .. . drinking and driving (or being high from pot) is illegal and dangerous. Just say not to that ALWAYS. And if drinking brings on anxiety because you 'can't remember things', you are drinking too much and shouldn't

But in terms of this event, let it go. And anxiety should be addressed. Have you talked to your doctor about it? Have you ever gotten any professional help for it?

PS we ALL make mistakes at times and have regrets. You shouldn't beat yourself up for being human but learning from it is essential. good luck

Yes. But it is as if it’s not good enough that my car isn’t damanged or that I remember eating Oreos outside of my house.... I wouldn’t be doing that if I got into an accident or hit someone I just always am afraid of hurting others it’s odd and I feel like no one has this type of anxiety. I don’t want to go to jail I want to be normal and therapy and medication doesn’t help. I am on Zoloft

I see you have chronic alcoholism which makes your fear valid. If you are driving drunk, yes. You could hurt someone. You didn't this time but you could next time. What about alcohol addiction treatment? To the whole nine yards of a treatment facility or small steps like going to an AA meeting?

Yes I have went but slipped up after losing my child.
I am just so paranoid while I was blacked out I hit someone or something. I was told the impact would be something I would remember even blacked out but I don’t know. If that’s even true

I still can't tell if you're suffering from anxiety or depression. Alcoholism is usually a function of self-medicating depression. But you say you're on Zoloft? If you're on Zoloft, I assume you have a psychiatrist. You don't say if you're in therapy, which with all the issues you have to deal with I hope you consider seriously. While addiction treatment would be great, that isn't going to do anything about your anxiety or depression, whichever it is. You also presumably know that pot doesn't often go well with anxiety or depression, as it can push our focus inside and what you're thinking inside right now isn't pleasant. Now, there are newer strains of pot that are used to treat anxiety, but I have to say again, you sound like you're depressed more than anxious. I'm not there, I don't know really, which is another reason to see a psychologist and do some talking about this with a professional. You also presumably know that alcohol and Zoloft don't mix well, and if you're an alcoholic and not just labeling yourself as one, you're not just drinking occasionally. Once you turn to addictive drugs to self-medicate, it gets harder. I hope you get some help that works, because if you're suffering this much the Zoloft isn't working.

Gosh, I'm really sorry you lost your child. That's almost impossible for me to think about as that is so traumatic for a mom! Was it a custody thing that caused you to lose your child? Not to pry.

We have excellent substance abuse/ addiction forums here with lots of people in recovery. I highly recommend it. A slip up or relapse is sadly not too uncommon. Take one day at a time. Also, mental health issues are so intertwined with addiction and alcohol abuse. Working on both is really essential.

But this does not sound like you have not had any sort of accident. Try to let that fear go. hugs

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