Re: Rant about your In-Laws

Wow. I can understand how you feel right now Ellen.

I often wonder how I will feel when my mother in law passes. Of course I will feel badly for my husband but seriously I will likely not feel sad myself. Must be kind of strange. I mean, I cry at sappy commercials. I cry if someone dies that I never even knew. So when someone dies that you have such a distaste for...that's an interesting scenario.

Re: Rant about your In-Laws

My husband is doing okay -- and actually, he's relieved, too, but feels a little bad that he's not sadder. He had sort of a non-relationship with his mother. He loved her, because she was his mother, but as a person, she's not someone he would have chosen to have a relationship with. She never, ever initiated contact with him unless she wanted something from him (yet she idolized his do-nothing slacker brother who never had a job and mooched off his parents until the day he died), and then all she ever did was complain -- no matter what anyone did for her or gave her, nothing was ever good enough. All her life, she was always the kind of person who never offered to do anything for anyone else, but expected everyone to wait on her hand and foot. When my husband was still living with his parents in his early 20s, right around the time his kidneys failed and he started dialysis, he had to have some outpatient surgery to install a fistula in his arm. He had to drive himself to and from the surgery (and I can't believe the hospital in Houston allowed this!) because his father was working and his mother didn't like to drive downtown, so she wouldn't drive him there.

Her only contribution to the family finances was running up the credit cards. When my FIL died three years ago, we discovered that there was over $70K in credit card debt. Many of the bills were just stuffed into the couch and chair cushions.

He'd call her every other week out of a sense of duty, but always dreaded the calls because it would be a laundry list of complaints and guilt trips. I hated to see what that stress did to him; he's a 22-year kidney transplant patient with his own set of health issues -- he doesn't need that kind of stress, and I want him around and as healthy and happy as possible for a long time! He's one of those apples that not only fell FAR from the tree, but flew halfway across the continent from the damned tree!

So he's doing really well -- just feels kind of strange because he's the only one left in his immediate family. He talked to our pastor today. He talked to my parents yesterday -- since we've been married, my mom and dad have actually been more parents to him than his own were.

Re: Rant about your In-Laws

Ellen. It is difficult when someone like that dies. There is no way to see them through rose coloured glasses, even after death. I can't believe she wouldn't drive her own son. That speaks volumes. Of course he is going to feel sad because for better or worse, she was his mother. I hope you get through this difficult time, and you and your husband find some peace with the whole thing.

Re: Rant about your In-Laws

Wow, that must've really hurt your husband when his parents wouldn't drive him to the hospital. That is suprising - usually the hospital makes sure you have someone there to drive you home.

I remember when I was that age I had to have open heart surgery, and when I asked my mom (who lived maybe 8 miles from the hospital) if she was going to be at the hospital at the time my surgery was scheduled she said, 'um...well...I am going to take the grandkids to swimming lessons at that time' Thanks, mom. I love my mom, but that kid of crap is hard to forget, especially when you are in a really bad spot. So I get where your husband is coming from. Thankfully my dad was alive at the time and sat with me until they put me under.

Parents. There should be a class you have to pass before getting to be a parent.

Re: Rant about your In-Laws

When my MIL died, I actually broke out into the M.C. Hammer dance. Of course, the husband wasn't around at the time, and I was appropriate when I was around him and their family at all times. Oh well.........I guess we all react the way we react.....it is what it is.

Re: Rant about your In-Laws

We can't control how we feel about other people; we can only control how we behave towards other people. I wouldn't feel bad or guilty about not being upset when someone dies. When faced with that situation, I normally feel bad for those who DID like the deceased person. Just because I didn't like a particular person doesn't mean that someone else didn't like them. So my sympathies are for the ones who are left that are truly grieving.

Re: Rant about your In-Laws

Originally Posted by ScoutMom;3194573;

We can't control how we feel about other people; we can only control how we behave towards other people. I wouldn't feel bad or guilty about not being upset when someone dies. When faced with that situation, I normally feel bad for those who DID like the deceased person. Just because I didn't like a particular person doesn't mean that someone else didn't like them. So my sympathies are for the ones who are left that are truly grieving.

That's exactly how I feel about it. When my MIL (she didn't like me, I didn't like her) died a couple of years ago, I burst into tears while hugging Mr. Rattus, because I felt so bad for him because he loved the ill-natured martyr.

Re: Rant about your In-Laws

Originally Posted by prhoshay;3194565;

When my MIL died, I actually broke out into the M.C. Hammer dance. Of course, the husband wasn't around at the time, and I was appropriate when I was around him and their family at all times. Oh well.........I guess we all react the way we react.....it is what it is.

Re: Rant about your In-Laws

I did cry a bit when my MIL passed, but it was more for the fact that there were so many missed opportunities and now NO chance to ever change any of that. Of course there was no chance to change them when she was alive either, but I think we all harbor a speck of hope in the back of our minds that someday..............

And I cried for my husband. He was actually a bit sad, but more relieved. He was more upset when MY parents died. But like Ellen's, they had been better parents to him than his own. And I cried because he couldn't go to the funeral. We had just moved to SC 2 weeks before and he had just started working and couldn't take off to drive for 2 days round trip to Florida. He took a LOT of grief from one of his brother's and one sister, but he told them if they would pay for his trip and his missed time off work, he'd be HAPPY to come, but that he couldn't do a thing for his mother, she was gone, but his living family needed to eat and have a roof over their heads. Probably another reason why we've not had any contact in either direction from them in 2 years.