Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Eyeball Massacre!

Okay, so my appointment this morning was a screening to see if I was a good candidate for LASIK surgery. My eyes have been bad my entire life--really, really bad. I've worn glasses since third grade, contacts for years, etc. I've wanted LASIK for as long as I can remember.

So I set up this appointment at the high-tech Moran Institute at the University of Utah. I thought the screening would be a five minute sit-down talk with an eye doc. Boy, was I wrong. They tortured my eyeballs for three and a half hours! EYE carumba! (Get it? EYE...never mind) I stared deeply into at least twelve laser beams, had yellow goo dripped into my eyes, stared up, stared down, etc. They did NOT use the worst machine--that wicked thing that shoots the puff of air into your eye. So, at least there's that. But they used everything else.

And guess what? I DON'T qualify for LASIK. The doctor said my corneas are too thin. According to him, LASIK is "Out of the question!" I do qualify for super-awesome corneal implants--which I would totally get, if they weren't, ulp, $4,000 per eyeball. (by my math, that's over $12,000 total!)

So I'll be wearing my glasses and contacts for a few more years, until the price drops.

My eyes were so blitzed that I had to drive home with crazy dark glasses. When I got home and looked in the mirror, they looked like this:

The light on my face is bright afternoon sun. That's some crazy dilation.

Needless to say, I don't want ANY extra staring at the screen time today. So you'll have to wait until tomorrow for the next part of the Taco story.

6 comments:

The curse of Hale eyes. I don't qualify, either. My niece Annie Pulsipher has 9.5 contacts for each eye. Nephew Colton McKay has had a cornea transplant. A small price to pay for the genetic brilliance, right?

Well Sarah, he did say "by my math". His math must add differently. :)

I went to a new eye doctor in California and they had all sorts of fancy equipment I'd never seen (I've been going to eye doctors since I was one). Instead of the air puffer they had this thing like a big pen with a rounded tip that they bounced on my eyeball. Weirdest thing. It didn't hurt, but my vision was like looking at ripples in lake.