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Topic : 10/06 IQ Answer

Number of Replies: 118

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Created on : Friday, September 29, 2006, 09:49:49 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Have you ever felt like you’re running in place and going nowhere? What if you could learn some critical keys to increase your intelligence? Dr. Phil, along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, chairman of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board and author of The IQ Answer, gives you practical techniques to maximize your full potential. His first guest, Elizabeth, says she’s tried everything to wake up her daughter, Miranda, in the morning -- massaging her feet, splashing water on her face, even blasting rap music! Miranda says she can sleep up to 17 hours straight, and has lost five jobs because of her tardiness. Find out what happens when she gets a wake-up call -- Dr. Phil style! Then, Faith says her 17-year-old daughter, Myia, panics before taking tests. She gets headaches, stomachaches, and often comes home crying. Can Dr. Lawlis help the teen get over her fears? Plus, find out why Dr. Phil needs Dr. Lawlis’ IQ Answer, and learn important information every parent needs to know about retraining your child’s brain. Talk about the show here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

organization is key

I know that this problem (stress) can be easily fixed since I'm like that too especially oral presentations. It very important that he knows the defenition of organization and how to do it. Organization means that everything is seperated into categories, it doesnt necesarily mean neat but its a personal system where you can find things in less then 30 seconds. Losing something at the last minute is stressful. It also important to plan well which means do 70% of the work at the begining. This strategy never fails and avoids lots of panics and stress. Theres such a relief when your not paniking at the last minute and when you get it over with. It feels like bricks coming off your shoulder. At the beginning of an assignment, or when he finds out theres a test, he should have an agenda right on his desk and takes notes. When I get stressed out I always take a piece of paper and right everything out thats stressing me out and circle the ones that must be tackled first (priorities). Its normal to get stressed out, most people do or get nervous and I think its a good time for him to get started because it will get worse in high school and post-secondary.

My 13 year old has a binder with an accordian file...a slot for homework from each class...graded papers do not go there...just the homework coming and going from school. That, plus close communication with the teachers, keeps him honest about the homework. I went into detail about that in a past posting. Also, the school requires each student to have and fill out a day planner every day, with all homework assignments. Having it filled out is part of their classroom grade.

I make the kids get their lunches made and clothes out the night before. When they were in elementary school, I used to have them sleep in their clothes for the next day, just so we wouldn't have the battles of getting dressed in the morning...they've mostly outgrown that now. (although, our 13 year old tries to get away with wearing the same shirt and socks all week...I really have to keep an eye on that and remember what he wore the previous day) Showers are taken in the evening too. Homework is filed in the binder as soon as it is done. Getting them to comb their hair in the morning? Doesn't always happen, but most high school and junior high boys have messy hair, so they don't really care.

Our 17 year old, with Narcolepsy like me, has a hard time getting up in the morning, no matter how early he goes to bed. He has three alarm clocks in his room, none of them close to his bed...he has to get up to shut them off...occasionally, we move them, so he has to wake up enough to find them. These alarms go off within 5 minutes of each other. Since we started doing this, getting up is less of a problem.

It is really refreshing that our youngest son is naturally organized and does his homework with out prompting, gets himself up in the morning and gets dressed without an arguement...we'll see what happens when he gets to junior high. The elementary school has taken up a new policy of having a designated homework folder, which goes home every night. Notes to the parents are in there too, and must be signed by the parents to acknowledge that they were read. I think this is really beneficial for future habits.

Organization...the key to less stress...less running around like a chicken with its head cut off looking for stuff at the last minute.

(I'm not perfect at the organization thing, but I do keep a daily list, so I can remember to do what I need to do...the house is mostly a mess, but I do know where everything is...I'd be in big trouble if Martha Stewart came to my house to get rid of the clutter.)

I dunno....

Is it me, or are we creating a next generation of pampered pansies? Has anybody ever thought of shutting down all these mind warping video games, Ipods, Blackberrys, screen names, online chat rooms, TV sets, DVD players, etc. and turning the light off - at say, 9PM and saying "night night kiddo"?

This show hasn't aired yet for me to watch, so I am going strictly by the tag line on the show page. But I can tell you this - I have - more than once - told my son (who thankfully is in the last year of high school) - you miss the school bus? You walk the 5 miles to school. You don't do your homework? Fine. I have my education and my career - you want to work in retail the rest of your life that is your decision. I just know - and my son knows too - it would be a cold day in h*** I would massage his feet to get him up for school in the morning. I wake him once. He gets up. He knows, from experience, he misses school he not only has to deal with the school, he has to deal with me - and he knows his odds are better if he skydives from a space shuttle.

family abuse

this week my brother was indicted on 5 counts of gross sexual assualt aginst his daughter. She is 15 now, was 9 when the sex started, 11 0r 12 when it ended. He will be the 2nd family member( if found guilt) convicted of rape, he is the 3rd charged withrape ( the other relative who raped his daughter took a plea bargain for unlawfull sex contact ....) the 1st rapist in our family is serving life in prison as a serial rapist.

There are 7 total sex offenders in our family, some have offended only within the family and never been caught because of the families treatment towards those who speak up.

you see, my anger is mostly at those who cover up, defend, deny abuse is going on in our family.

This abuse is touching the 3rd generation now, most of the kids (girls mostly) are showing signs of abuse. Because they have gotten away with it it seems to encourage them to move outside the family for victims.

Of course, me and those who speak up are the villians in all this for causing problems for the abusers. My family CANT BELIEVE I would warn newbies to the family who the pervs are so they may keep their kids safe ( most ignore me anyways) , they think I am horrible for my disloyalty.

At this point I want this sick family exposed in the media, then maybe they will find it harder to cover up with the world watching who they support. They have gotten away with this for years because of the secrecy, am I right to want it exposed ???

I need support from anyone out there, I am the only rock for those suffering and I am being emotionally beat down by all who think I should stay out of it. Imagine "normal" people telling me to let it go, you cant fight them ,it wont do any good the kids are doomed anyways...

there's a joke in maine that we're all related because of incest, maybe thats why the attitude I see in this state is so accepting and leniant on offenders. You see, more likely than not, my brother will get a slap on the hand because the D.A. is only concerned with a conviction or plea thats leads to him being registered, jail time or a real effort at convicton over a plea is TO MUCH MONEY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You wonder why victims dont come forward, the same reason everyone says dont bother with it... punishment is a joke.

I have asked DR. Phil for help & ask you ALL to pray for my family & the kids and I pray you will see me standing up on the show blowing these people out of the water !!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all for your prayers... and I do know God has a plan... I just wish I could see that plan to know the suffering of these kids will end. Goodwindrilling @aol.com

reply to family abuse

this week my brother was indicted on 5 counts of gross sexual assualt aginst his daughter. She is 15 now, was 9 when the sex started, 11 0r 12 when it ended. He will be the 2nd family member( if found guilt) convicted of rape, he is the 3rd charged withrape ( the other relative who raped his daughter took a plea bargain for unlawfull sex contact ....) the 1st rapist in our family is serving life in prison as a serial rapist.

There are 7 total sex offenders in our family, some have offended only within the family and never been caught because of the families treatment towards those who speak up.

you see, my anger is mostly at those who cover up, defend, deny abuse is going on in our family.

This abuse is touching the 3rd generation now, most of the kids (girls mostly) are showing signs of abuse. Because they have gotten away with it it seems to encourage them to move outside the family for victims.

Of course, me and those who speak up are the villians in all this for causing problems for the abusers. My family CANT BELIEVE I would warn newbies to the family who the pervs are so they may keep their kids safe ( most ignore me anyways) , they think I am horrible for my disloyalty.

At this point I want this sick family exposed in the media, then maybe they will find it harder to cover up with the world watching who they support. They have gotten away with this for years because of the secrecy, am I right to want it exposed ???

I need support from anyone out there, I am the only rock for those suffering and I am being emotionally beat down by all who think I should stay out of it. Imagine "normal" people telling me to let it go, you cant fight them ,it wont do any good the kids are doomed anyways...

there's a joke in maine that we're all related because of incest, maybe thats why the attitude I see in this state is so accepting and leniant on offenders. You see, more likely than not, my brother will get a slap on the hand because the D.A. is only concerned with a conviction or plea thats leads to him being registered, jail time or a real effort at convicton over a plea is TO MUCH MONEY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You wonder why victims dont come forward, the same reason everyone says dont bother with it... punishment is a joke.

I have asked DR. Phil for help & ask you ALL to pray for my family & the kids and I pray you will see me standing up on the show blowing these people out of the water !!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all for your prayers... and I do know God has a plan... I just wish I could see that plan to know the suffering of these kids will end. Goodwindrilling @aol.com

You are an awesome, brave person to be tackling this on your own. Stand tall be proud. This abuse has to stop some how. I think you need to find others to be supportive. What about some church in the community . Or do you have like what i have in my home town a place

for abused people women. It isnt just for physical violence but others as well or check out

relating to Miranda

I completely understand how Miranda feels. I too slept like she does when I was a teenager, well into my 20's. Thank god we didn't have the absentee days as they do now, cause I would have never graduated . I never went to my first 2 classes of the day, NO Matter what! My parents took my car away, grounded me, and threatened to take away privelges like TV. It just didn't matter. I just couldn't get up. I had the water in my face, the loud music, covers pulled off, lights turned on, nothing worked. I did graduate, because I was smart enough to get the grades, and by the time I was a senior, I only needed 1 credit to graduate. All of those standards changed the next year. I never would have made it. I was always late for everything, and sadly I still am. Following a clock only makes me more frustrated! When I graduated, I destroyed my alarm clock with a hammer. (happiest day of my life...jk)I'm almost 40 now, and I've found a few things that worked for me. First off, I worked 3rd shift through my 20's. It was the only job I cold keep. Yes I was late, a lot! But no one wants to work 3rd, and most people are willing to deal. I worked in a nice hotel as an auditor, so as a female it was a pretty safe job. I also had the chance to use my brain. I always seemed to be more alert at night, and I still find this to be my best brain functioning time. Miranda, don't give up. I work for an amazing company now for a person who understands that being at work at a certain time just doesn't work. I still work 8 to 10 hours a day, but they are the hours I choose. The most important thing is that I don't wake to an alarm now. I wake naturally. and get going at my own speed. I am so less stressed, knowing that I'm not letting anyone down, and not being rushed cause I overslept again. I only sleep about 8 to 9 hours a day now, instead of 12. Once you figure out what hours you function well at, then live those hours. I still am very alert mentally once the sun goes down, but strangely it's the beggining of my day that I get my physical things done. Like cleaning, exercising, and things like that. My brain doesn't have to work to do those things. Once you learn how you function best, you'll feel alot better about your sleep habits. Good luck Miranda, and enjoy that sleep, don't feel guilty, it will get better, and I do understand!!!!!

tried the church

You are an awesome, brave person to be tackling this on your own. Stand tall be proud. This abuse has to stop some how. I think you need to find others to be supportive. What about some church in the community . Or do you have like what i have in my home town a place

for abused people women. It isnt just for physical violence but others as well or check out

internet site for domestic abuse .

I actually am a christian, and did ask for help from the church... still waiting on an answer, but I have doubts about anyone really giving the type of help they need with such an ugly thing this is about. I really have all the advice, sympathy, "safety plans" I need and I certainly am not looking to sit around and just talk about it ( 40 years of talking about it, asking for help has not worked).

I am emotionally wraught because thats all that has happened and now these victims are hanging out there and it makes me sick. The last thing I want is to ask for anything beyond a kind word or a shoulder to cry on......... I learned a long time ago asking for help would be useless. Sure you get a lot of "let me know if there is anything I can do..." The reply in my head is always " let me know what your willing to offer or do...". But I am proud and have known all power lies with Jesus so I just go to my knees and ask him to provide, protect, comfort, save, and expose.

What a show.

As I watched this, I was impressed with how much Erika was embraced by the McGraw family. I too kept waiting to hear from the bride's family on how they embraced Jay. While there was a very short flash or two of Erika's parents, I was left feeling bad for them. Did Erika's family simply not feel comfortable in the limelight or were they left out by design? I understand it is the "Dr. Phil Show" not the "Erika's Parents Show" but I wonder how they felt watching the whole thing on TV?

The wedding was beautiful, that's for sure. It seemed pretty flamboyant and extravagant. Most people in the real world can't come close to having an event like that. Some people that 'have money' just don't get how showing what they can spend on a wedding (or other things) can appear to us ordinary people. I also felt for the parents of the bride ,as it appeared Robin & Co. just took over. I am in the position of mother of the bride right now and I would also feel hurt to be left out. I want my daughter to be made welcome in their family but it sure seemed lopsided. It just shows what lots of money can do. Some things should be kept within your own circle of friends and family. Did this show bother anyone else? My friends that saw this show agreed that it was 'over the top'.

10/06 IQ Answer

My 13 year old is very bright, but he almost failed 7th grade last year because of missing homework. (The "moths" in his locker must have been eating his homework, because it always seemed to go missing...and the dogs won't eat his homework...he's tried). He, too, would lie and say he didn't have homework.

This year, we've taken a different approach. I keep in close contact with his teachers...by email and in person. Scott has to CALL me on the phone from class if he does not turn in an assignment when it is due. All of his teachers have agreed to do this.

He also has to fill out his day planner (all of the students at the school are required to do this). Scott has to get the teachers to sign his planner every day to confirm that he has correctly and completely written down the assignments.

I have spent a couple of days at school with Scott, tagging along with him to all of his classes all day long. I now have a feel for the teachers' different teaching styles, and what homework to expect on certain days of the week. The teachers took notice of this and appreciate my involvement. This has made them more willing to communicate with me. We also have an agreement with the teachers to let Scott have 2 extra days to complete missed assignments. This is to prevent Scott from simply accepting a "zero" on the assignment and getting out of doing it altogether.

I am constantly the "homework police" with him...tapping him on the shoulder to remind him to focus on his work. He had a diagnosis of ADHD for years, which has turned out to be linked to a sleep disorder and a vision disorder (read my previous posting to another mom).

If Scott misses an assignment, Mom will show up at school...multiple missing assignments will result in Mom spending the whole day at school with him...pretty embarrassing for a junior high student.

Since we have started our new policies, Scott's school performance and getting his homework turned in has greatly improved. Having the right medication for his sleep disorder, and getting the vision therapy have also been a great help.

Don't feel like you are failing your son, tell him often that you are being tough because you love him and care about how he will turn out as an adult. And please consider getting the right testing.

Also, if is any comfort to you, the homework battles seem to be rampant among junior high boys...I've talked with a lot of parents of boys, and they all say the same thing.

In the USA, typically in 7th grade, the students go from having one teacher to having six teachers. This is a big adjustment for kids, not to mention all of the hormonal changes going on at that age. The kids tend to feel kind of anonymous with so many teachers...like they can get away with not turning in their homework.

Last year, one of Scott's teachers made the excuse that she had 30 kids in her class, and that she just didn't have the time to keep Scott on track. My comment back to her was that yes, she had 30 kids in her class, but Scott was one of them. I asked her to have the kids in Scott's lab group help keep him on track...his grade in that class improved after that.

After diagnosing and treating Scott's problems, behavior modification was definitely necessary...and still requires vigilance on our part, as his parents.

I hope this information helps. I'll keep you in my prayers

A Dedicated Mom

wow I wish my parents were the "homework police"! I'm only 21 so I can still cleary remember how I felt about school and homework. Some things greatly contributed to my poor performance though. My parents split up when I was 12 and I was forced to live with my verbally and physically abusive father, (my mom wouldn't fight him) he needed me around for the chores and the extra money on the welfare checks. Anyway, my dad, wouldn't let me sleep, eat, or even do my homework unless I had all the dishes and all the laundry cleaned all the time. I swear he dirtied every dish everyday. If I refused I'd usually end up with a bleeding nose. I spent alot of time foccusing on my grief and thoughts of suicide rather than my schoolwork. His way of getting me to do things was the fear tactic, and I rebelled sooo hard. although I rarely did my homework, I still maintained A's B's and C+'s because of the fear of what he would do if I did any worse. My I.Q. is 128 so that helped. I usually did very well on tests and in class work, but having no homework marks took 20% off my final grade right away. Also, I have never been very good at taking care of my stuff, all my assignments were shoved into my binders all crumpled and ripped, things werent even in the right binders or I would lose things all together. I believe that's a personality trait, because I am still very much like that. Everything in my house is lost. I was also diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age, however, my mom only chose to tell me this last year. Looking back I can see so many things I did, or didn't do because of my ADHD. I now have it into adulthood, and I don't think it's gonna go away. My dad also (on top of hitting me and calling me names in public) went around the neighbourhood at the same time everyone was walking to school, and collected pop cans out of ppls recycling bins. This caused alot of harrassment in school. When I was 13 I ran away from home and lived on the downtown streets for 5 days before my dad gave me permission to live with my mom. Well, after I moved in with my mom, she felt so bad for me that she didn't give me any discipline and I dropped out of school shortly after. I was really rebelling, I had no desire to go to school at all. She worked 16 hours a day, 6 days a week, so there really wasn't much she could do. I didn't have any schooling for about 3 years. It wasn't until my son was born that I returned to school. I did a whole year and got some gr 11 courses. The next year my daughter was born halfway into the year. I returned to school 9 days after her birth and at the end of that year I recieved money for college for being in the top 30& of my grade. Last year was the last time I was in school. I dropped out again, I don't know why, I was in biology, chemistry, math, and english. I was failing math but I was getting c's in chem and bio and A's in english. Now, my schooling is so scattered that I don't know how to get back on track. I have gr.11 math, gr.10 science, gr.11 english, gr.12 communications, first nations, family management, and C.A.P.P. I would love to either be a wildlife conservation official or a children's nutritionist but I don't even know where to start. I don't even have a high school diploma. I only wish the first year of middle school was more successful, maybe if the teachers foccussed more on how important schooling is, I don't know, all I know is that it is going to take years, and alot of money to have a stable education. When kids are in high school, they aren't thinking about the rest of the rest of their life, just the stresses at the time.

Did I miss something?

Has Miranda been to a medical doctor? The poor woman could have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Why was this not even a consideration? I have fibromyalgia and know people with CFS as well. CFS patients sleep constantly, cannot wake up, have no energy.

I heard Dr. Phil was biased against CFS and FMS. It is a REAL illness and it is quite possible Miranda has CFS. She needs to be checked out by a medical doctor. Dr. Phil needs his own wake up call this time!