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Chopping Mall (1986)

Plot: In order to cut down on shoplifting, vandalism, and general mischief at the mall, a brand new, cutting edge security protocol has been put in place. A trio of robotic enforcers has been dispatched to patrol the mall’s corridors, on a constant vigil for any kind of trouble to content with. These robots look menacing but aren’t just for show, as they are fully equipped with the means to subdue and even harm any criminals who resist this sweet, metallic justice. Some concerns are raised over the safety of these new guards, but a demonstration proves that as long as you have a valid keycard, you have nothing to fear from the robots. But this proves to be inaccurate rather quickly, as the robots begin a wild killing spree on the first night of operation, even as a crew of horny mall workers party in the stores!

Entertainment Value: This is a short, sweet horror flick that wastes little time and avoids most of the usual filler scenes. At under 80 minutes, the pace is brisk and the exposition is minimal in this one. The set up is simple and effective, some killer robots are on the loose and a mall full of potential victims is on the menu, unless someone can stop the hi-tech advance. The premise is a fun one, as murderous robots are always a safe bet and the plot stays simple, to ensure the focus is on the b movie thrills and not much else. The fast pace, tight focus, and lean narrative is why Chopping Mall is so much fun, it knows what it is and sticks to what it knows fans want. The cast here is pretty loaded with genre talent, such as Barbara Crampton, Kelli Maroney, Paul Bartel, Gerrit Graham, Mary Woronov, and even the legend himself, Dick Miller. Some are just small roles or cameos, but it still adds a lot to the fun. This is pure 80s horror cheese, it is a blast to watch and earned its reputation as a genre favorite.

The movie has a lot of bikinis, panties, and revealing attire, but only a couple of brief topless scenes in terms of nakedness. So the sleaze is solid, it is more driven by tease than actual naked flesh. The violence is dialed up however, as the robots are on the hunt and rack up some memorable kills. This includes neck wounds, a toasty full body burn, a high fall, and one of the coolest head explosions around. That’s not including the non gore effects like the wicked lasers and poor Dick Miller’s electrocution, then we’re treated to a nice explosion as well. So a decent amount of bloodshed, fun action scenes, and totally 80s lasers to boot. A lot of fun lines in this as well, with mostly banter between the young people, but also plenty of snark elsewhere. Bartel and Woronov have small roles, but they are all about smart ass comments, while Dick Miller’s cameo is him shouting at a robot about proper manners. A wealth of 80s lingo abounds as well, just a lot of humorous dialogue to be found here. As for craziness, just the b movie vibes and silly dialogue, otherwise pretty standard horror cheese.