Before The Ring

Marriage is something just about every woman dreams about as a little girl; her white wedding dress, her husband, having kids with him one day. All that is cute and all, but the most important time of anyone’s life is while they’re single. Let’s face it, with more than half of Americans getting divorced, there is a real growing problem. Way too many people are rushing to the Alter before truly knowing what commitment they’re about to make and with who.

Before Michael and I were a thing, I had a few characteristics that I thought were really important that my future spouse had to have. I know what you’re probably thinking, Steph didn’t you and Michael meet in high school? Ha, yes! God spoke to me even as a little girl. He told me that I needed to marry someone who loved the Lord and put Him first. My characteristics were: He needed to know and love Jesus Christ, he needed to love and respect his mother (my mother always told me you could tell a lot by how a man treats his mother and sister) and he needed to be a family man. I didn’t want someone who was more worried about what was going on outside of his home rather than inside his home.

This prompted me to ask a friend of mine, who is going through a rough time in her marriage, what five characteristics would she tell a friend to look for in a man. Her answer blew me away. She started off by saying that especially now that she’s dealing with a potential divorce; she knows now more than ever that these 5 characteristics are extremely important (we say potential because at the end of the day we know WHO we serve and I’m praying with her that the Lord restores their marriage.) In the midst of her tough time, she allowed me to share these characteristics to inspire girls to ask themselves what they truly want in a future husband.

A man who puts God first above all. Who will sit and pray with you through every storm in the relationship. (I legit screamed out YASSSSSS when I read this first one. That is THE most important one of all, She legit could have said that and that alone ha!)

A man who focuses on the solution rather than the issue. That’s how you both will outgrow each issue and turn it into an amazing lesson.

Selflessness.

A man who isn’t defined by a woman. Who sees them as a partner and who compliments him. Not someone who is beneath them or less.

A man who truly shows sympathy and empathy through everything. Putting himself in other peoples shoes.

The bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.”

That is why number one on her list is the absolute most important one. To know the Lord is to Love the Lord, so how can a man properly love you if he does not know the Lord? The bible also tells us to not be unequally yoked. Meaning if his beliefs do not line up with yours sis, run. Run the other way. Don’t settle. Don’t think you can change that man because the truth is, you can’t. Only God can and yes God can, but you shouldn’t run to that alter because you think you’re in love and things will change once you two say I do. If he doesn’t stand for God, he will fall for anything.

Lets not forget to look at ourselves as well. Ask yourself this; of those five characteristics you want in a man/woman, do you see any of those in yourself? Do you know and love the Lord with all your heart? Do you put the Lord first before anything else? In your singleness, instead of putting so much time and effort on trying to figure out when you’re going to meet your future spouse, lets focus on being prepared when the Lord does bring them into your life.

Ladies, the bible tells us “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing,” He, not she. So we should be focusing on building our relationship with Christ so that we can be the woman that God has called us to be and the wife that God has called us to be. Life is not all about getting married. It’s about serving the Lord and finding out our purpose He has designed for us.

So for my single ladies, have a date night with the Lord. Sit before Him, worship Him, talk and pray with Him, and let Him lead your path. I’m a strong believer in speaking things into existence. If the Lord places marriage specifically on your heart, start a prayer journal and write to your future husband. Pray to God that your future husband knows and serves the Lord. Write it down and watch God make it happen.