AWARDS-SHOW KISSES IN DESCENDING ORDER OF FABULOUSNESS: Creepy comics Garry Shandling and Brad Garrett on the Emmys; longtime collaborators Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman on the Tonys; trophy-holding overenthusiasts Adrien Brody and Halle Berry on the Oscars; strangers in the night Scott Wittman and Sarah Jessica Parker on the Tonys; and finally, floozy chantoozies Madonna and Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera at the VMAs. The same-sex aspect of it was finebut ewww, the age difference!

BEST MOVIES I SAW: Irreversible, Raising Victor Vargas, Capturing the Friedmans, Finding Nemo, 28 Days Later, School of Rock, The Triplets of Belleville, and Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. (All right, I'm hopelessly lowbrow, but at least I like a good old time and maybe even a greasy grope in the dark. Oh yeah, and I loved The Brown Bunny! A lot!)

WORST MOVIES: It Runs in the Family, Anger Management, Gigli, The Hulk (the first halfI couldn't make the second), Wonderland (ditto), Pirates of the Caribbean (sorry, I found it a big bore, and I usually like moronic romps), Anything Else, Mystic River, 21 Grams, Love Actually (which was shit, actuallyand shouldn't it have a comma?).

SADDEST "FUN FACT" THAT I SAW FLASHING ON-SCREEN BEFORE A FEATURE: "Which star lost 80 percent of her hearing in one ear from a physically abusive boyfriend? Answer: Halle Berry." Party! (By the way, I hope she didn't lose the other 20 percent when Adrien Brody kissed her.)