Everyday life as a Domina

Tag Archives: shibari

So Hell Night is coming up, and as you can imagine, I’m beyond stoked for it.

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t other things to keep me entertained in the meantime.

Last night, for example, was a rope class held at Sadie’s house. I’ve always loved ropework, and have been anxious to learn some more advanced shibari techniques, so I was excited to go. As it turns out, he didn’t teach anything I didn’t already know, but it did give me the opportunity to do a rope harness on a woman for the first time, so that was fun.

The original plan was for Sounder to be my bottom, but he hadn’t been feeling well the entire day. He followed me to Sadie’s house, and I noticed he was walking really slowly as he got out of the car, and up to the door.

It wasn’t long before he needed to go home and try to recover.

And as it turns out, one of the Tops needed to leave, as well, so it worked out. The bottom and I paired up together, introduced ourselves, and then I proceeded to tie her up. She’s such a pretty, petite thing, and she made the most adorable whimpers when the instructor passed out the clothespins and string for zippers.

So it was fun, I enjoyed myself, and it was nice talking to her. She was one of those people who I’d seen around at different events and gatherings, but had never really talked to. As it turns out, she’s pretty cool. She loves tattoos and Star Wars, so she automatically gets a position on my “People I Like” list.

And she looks cute tied up, so there’s that.

Note the awesome shirt, that shows off her awesomeness.

I finished before the others did, so I started experimenting with different ways to burn the extra rope.

Actually I lied. He did teach a column tie, which I didn’t know how to do. But a) it’s not as pretty as the tie I use, b) it’s not as easy to do twice, for each hand/leg/whatever, and c) it uses more rope. Still, it’s always good learning new techniques and new ties. Maybe, one day, my go-to tie just won’t work for a particular situation.

Afterward, I ended up spending most of the evening hanging out with Pet who is now an adult film actor. He just did his first scene a couple weeks ago, for extremeboyz.com. So I spent 15 minutes watching the scene with him.

And holy fucking shit, he’s hot when he’s in pain. I mean, I already knew this, but still, it was fun watching it. Anyone who wants to watch a gorgeous twink in pain should go check it out. You can see some pictures of his scene by going to the free gallery, clicking on Connor (that’s his stage name, so I guess I’ll switch to calling him that here), and going through. But really, the pictures don’t do him justice. The video is awesome. I highly recommend joining the site to watch it.

Anyways…

We also got to talking about Sounder, and how I want him to suck cock at the end of Hell Night. I was originally thinking of using Kazander, but the problem is Kazander is still pretty reluctant with the whole bi thing. And really, I just want someone to grab Sounder and just fuck his mouth, you know? Kazander probably won’t be able to muster that kind of enthusiasm.

Connor, on the other hand, is gay, and a switch, so that won’t be a problem at all. He also thinks Sounder is hot, so that helps. He was impressed by the size of the dildo Sounder uses to fuck himself, and expressed that when I showed him pictures of Sounder fucking himself.

You know, since that’s the only way he can masturbate now…

And the good thing is that, while Connor is gay, he doesn’t have a problem with me being in the room or touching his cock, and is more than willing to help me humiliate Sounder throughout the process.

The problem is that Connor still lives with his parents, and I don’t want to bring him to Sounder’s house that night, so we might have to figure that out. If not, I have another option that may be available.

So that’ll be tons of fun.

After that, we started talking about the class and what the instructor went over. He lamented the fact that he knew precious little about ropework, and I told him I was more than willing to teach him a few things.

We just needed a volunteer.

Luckily, Sadie’s daughter (I’ll call her Bunny) was there, and loves being tied up, so she jumped at the opportunity. I took Connor through the rope harness the way I do it, which uses a stem in the back. When you do a rope harness on women, you don’t need the stem, since she has boobs, but he was probably not going to be doing a whole lot of chest harnesses on women, so I taught him my way.

Then, he untied her and did it on his own, and he’s a pretty quick learner. I had to laugh, though, when I noticed that the bottom two ropes were twisted (you can’t let your rope get twisted, it’ll put too much pressure on that spot). I told him to always double-check to make sure it’s straight. Since Bunny is well-endowed, and topless, I had to lift up her boobs to see the entire rope. And then Connor held them up himself.

It was funny because we had only just discussed how sexy her boobs were, and Connor said he didn’t feel the same draw. I laughed and said, “Well, you’re the only one in this room who doesn’t love her boobs.”

Minutes later, he was groping them. It was entertaining.

But he’s a fast learner, and was able to do the chest harness mostly on his own, with very little instruction from me.

Then Bunny showed me her way of doing a Shibari harness, which is the opposite of the way I do it. I start from the top and work my way down, ending with the rope in the back, while she starts from the bottom, threads it through her legs and up her back, and then down, with the rope ending in the front.

From the front, it looks exactly the same, except her way has the rope in front. I like my way better, but I will definitely keep her way in mind. She explained some things a Top could do with the rope in front, and I like her ideas. So that could be a lot of fun to try.

In other news, Southern will be in town in May. We’d finally planned it out so that there wouldn’t be any family in town, and we could actually play at my place, for the first time in six years.

And then the Universe said, “Haha, fuck you.”

I have suddenly come into the possession of not one, but two white-trash, homeless teenagers. One of them is Kazander’s “daughter” (not his biological daughter, but for all intents and purposes, she might as well be), and her boyfriend.

She lived with us a few years ago, and we were her legal guardians (a judge looked at me and said, “Yeah, sure, you can be responsible for this kid”). Shit went down, and she moved back with her white-trash, drug-addicted, alcoholic, self-hating, toxic whore cunt of a mother.

Now she’s back, this time to stay, and she has the added perspective of knowing we were right, and she should’ve fucking listened to us, and she’s a damned idiot for going back. She’d be in college right now if she’d stayed, rather than a high-school dropout who spent the last year living in a tent.

I needed to talk to the manager of Victoria’s Secret for Hell Night, and found out that the tiny, petite teenager was wearing the same band size as me, and decided that she needed to be fitted and get some bras that that aren’t four sizes too big, so I took her with me and dropped her off with one of the saleswomen while I went to find the manager.

When I came back, she was in the dressing room, while the saleswoman gave her different styles and helped her pick what works best for her.

When the woman went to get a different style, the teen (I guess she needs a name. We’ll go with Lia) looked at me and grinned, and said, “This is so cool. I’ve never been treated like this at a store before.”

Which made me sad. I mean, I don’t think she’s bought clothes anywhere other than Goodwill since she moved back with her mother. So I’m hoping that she gets used to our lifestyle again, and decides it’s what she wants, and after living in a tent, hopefully that will motivate her to get her GED and go to college.

So I’m handling her wardrobe from now on. Sure, once she gets a job, she can use her own money to buy the clothes she likes, but for now, I’m making those decisions, and she’s not dressing like a broke stripper. Luckily, she has literally like 4 outfits, so I won’t have to throw anything out.

So bottom line: I have one teenager here already, and her boyfriend is supposedly driving out sometime next week. Southern and I were supposed to have a couple hours to ourselves, and my house is now out of the question.

And of course, the only time that works for both of us is late morning/early afternoon, where trying to swing a hotel room is virtually impossible. Check-in is too late, and check-out is too early.

Ugh, fuck me with a chainsaw.

Luckily, I have this awesome sissy/knight in shining armor. I asked if I could use his house while he’s at work, and he said yes.

On Sunday, Kazander and I checked in to our hotel and went up to our room.

Loved the view from the tub.

Unfortunately, Sounder was not with me, as originally planned. But that’s because I may have sort of broken him (and not in the fun way that I like to break my boys) last week.

M’kay, so what had happened was…

I went over to see him on Wednesday, feeling extremely sadistic, and he was going to experience some of that.

So I pulled down his panties, tied him down on his bed and pulled out my fun impact toys. I got the flogger, the paddles, the tawse, and the single-tail, and set them out, making sure he could see them. I made sure to come prepared. I didn’t want to break blood vessels in my hand like I did last time.

I started gently, with the flogger. But soon graduated to the paddle and the tawse. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough room for me to use the single-tail, not the way he was lying.

But that didn’t matter. I was having fun, and he was squirming and thrashing around beautifully. I loved watching the way his body moves when I hurt him. He would tense up, occasionally holding his breath, trying to handle the pain, gasping and moaning and grunting. I loved watching that tension rolling through his legs, arms, and torso, his hands clenched into fists. I loved watching him strain against the ropes that held him down.

In short, he’s fucking sexy when he’s in pain.

So everything was going great. Then, as I was spanking him with the paddle, he said, “wait.”

Now, just so everyone knows, we don’t have safewords, so I never gag him, and make sure he’s always able to communicate what’s going on.

So I asked him what was wrong, and he said he felt like his balls were swelling up. I hadn’t touched his balls in a few minutes, but untied his legs, anyway, to let him roll over.

That’s when he said it actually felt like he turned wrong in his thrashing and tweaked something in his abdomen, right around his hip line, and it felt like whatever he’d done was dripping into his balls. He said it didn’t hurt, necessarily, just felt uncomfortable, and despite the fact that his balls looked exactly the same, he said they felt like they’d tripled in size.

It was the weirdest thing I’d ever heard of. I finished untying him, let him up (he put on one of the few pairs of men’s underwear he still owns, for doctors or whatever), and we talked and hung out for awhile before I went home.

Before I left, I checked again, and his balls still didn’t look any different. So I figured the discomfort would go away.

The next day, he was still sore, and still felt swollen. Friday, it hurt, and was still swollen. I told him he needed to get it checked out, and he replied that yeah, he’d begun to concede to that, himself. So he put a call in to his surgeon and had an appointment set up.

It was adorable, he was wearing his men’s underwear, and made the comment that he didn’t like having to wear them. I love the fact that he was hesitant and nervous about being made to wear panties at first, and now he prefers them to men’s underwear. I loved that.

At that point, we were still planning on him coming over to the hotel on Sunday. We would just have to be very careful, and there wouldn’t be any impact play or anything rough. That sort of play would wait until he got the all-clear from his doctor.

But then, I woke up to a text on Sunday morning (he’s a morning person, but he’s fucking adorable, so I’ll forgive that horrible flaw), warning me that he had just picked up a prescription for pain meds. The cute thing is that his reason for telling me was to let me know that he’d be a little quiet and might doze off, so I wouldn’t think anything was wrong if he didn’t answer my texts right away.

Seriously, y’all… He’s too fucking cute.

I told him to get some rest, and that we’d postpone the session in the hotel.

So that was a bummer, but what could we do? It’s something that was out of both of our control. And as I reminded him, he’s not getting out of the session with Kazander. It’s still going to happen. It’s just going to happen on another day.

The other bummer is that the party I’m having with him, Sadie, and Kiki is supposed to be this Saturday. We’re waiting until tomorrow to see how he’s feeling, and we’ll decide then whether the party is still on, or whether we’ll need to postpone that. Right now, it’s looking promising, but I want to wait and make absolute sure he’s feeling up to it.

He saw his doctor yesterday, and the doctor said that it’s more than likely a tear in his upper abdomen, which can be fixed laparoscopically. The problem, and the concern, is that the tear should not have happened without significant force, and the fact that it did happen without significant force makes him think that there’s an accompanying tear in the lower abdomen. If there’s another tear in the lower abdomen, that’ll be a slightly more complex procedure. There’s also concerns regarding the level of pain Sounder is feeling. He’s got some scar tissue from previous injuries in the area, which may or may not be contributing to some of what he’s experiencing now.

The bottom line is that he needs an MRI, and can’t lift more than 10 pounds, and needs to take it easy. He can still go to work and go about his life, he’s not bed-ridden, but he can’t push himself, he can’t work out, and I can’t beat the living hell out of him.

So the party can still happen, as long as he’s feeling stable. We’ll just focus on humiliating him, rather than beating him. But I also don’t want to risk making his injury worse, so we’ll play it by ear and see how it goes.

So Sunday night didn’t go as planned. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have fun.

Ever since Sarah wrote me about some basic rope techniques, my interest in shibari has been once again fanned. It’s been so long since I’ve done any of it, I had to give myself a bit of an online crash-course in what I used to know.

When we first walked into the hotel room, I noticed a sturdy-looking coffee table in the “living room.” After examining it a bit, I was satisfied that it would hold Kazander’s weight. I had a general plan in place, but it was still early, and I wanted to make sure he was burning with need. I teased him for hours, grinding against him, reaching through the bars of his cage to stroke his dick, making him eat me out, grabbing and groping him.

I wanted him whiny and horny and desperate. But he wasn’t going to cum.

Hell no, I wasn’t going to let him cum. Sunday was our anniversary, and there was no way I was going to let him cum. He didn’t get to cum on our wedding night, either.

But finally, I’d teased him enough.

So I stripped him and laid him down on the table, then pulled out my rope.

I think he looks so cute all tied up, don’t you?

At first, I just tried a simple ladder, and because my rope skills are that rusty, I actually had to take a minute to remember how to do it. But he was patient and let me mess with him. And it didn’t take long for me to get my rhythm back.

I love putting him in this position.

Immediately, I tied his legs together and up, keeping his ass nice and exposed. I really love putting him in that position. His ass is so much fun to play with, and because he’s not a masochist, I love tying him up like this and beating him, knowing that he can’t get away, he has no choice but to take whatever I decide to give out.

Super awesomeness.

Once he was tied down, I pulled out my electrical kit, grabbed the plug, and plugged it in to the power box. Slowly, I lubed it up and slid it inside him, grinning as he whimpered and moaned, knowing what I was going to do.

But I was nice. I didn’t turn it up too high. I only turned it up just a little past “pleasurable,” so while he wasn’t super comfortable, it was something he could handle.

The power box would shut off after 15 minutes, so I decided to give him that time to ponder his position in life, pointing out that most men get to fuck their wives on their anniversary, and he’s tied up. lying on a coffee table in a hotel room, plugged and tormented because I find it amusing. I told him that his dick is so useless, so pathetic, I would never allow it inside me again.

It wasn’t long before that pathetic dick was straining against the cage. I know he wished I would reach down and play with it, to tease it through the cage and frustrate him, to tease him further, but he’d just have to keep wanting.

I sat down on the living chair and propped my feet up on the table beside him, responding to all the Facebook happy-anniversary posts, and basically ignored him.

And he makes such a good footrest.

When the machine shut off, I took the plug out and replaced it with my strap-on, fucking him raw. I know he was starting to get sore and stiff from being kept in that position, but I wasn’t quite done with him yet. I made him take my cock a bit longer before finally letting him up, letting him crawl to me and kiss my feet to thank me for using him.

I told him to go downstairs, to the 24-hour Starbucks, and get me my Venti nonfat iced caramel macchiato and a bottle of Baileys from the gift shop. He returned and drew me a bath while I mixed the Baileys with the coffee (everything tastes better with Baileys).

Once the bath was ready, I got in and relaxed while he straightened up.

Then, he got in with me, sitting on the floor of the tub between my legs and leaning back against me, wrapping his arms around my leg and just being the sweet, slutty boy I love so much.

After awhile, it looked like he was going to doze off, so we got out of the tub, rinsed off in the shower, and he licked me to another orgasm before bed.

Again, make sure you have blunt-tipped or medical scissors on hand, safe-sane-consensual, communicate with each other blah, blah, blah, all that common-sense stuff.

M’kay, so the next thing I’ll show is a very basic shibari harness, like the one in this picture. It’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it, and you can do it relatively quickly.

Keep in mind, this does take some time to get right, and you’ll need to be patient, but it’s so worth it. This harness is unbelievably versatile. You can do anything with it once you’ve got it on him. You can tie his wrists and/or ankles to it, in pretty much any position. You can tie him to things in a specific position. You can put it on him under his clothes when you go out for a constant reminder of who owns him. You can use this as a starting point for virtually any kind of bondage you can think of. Literally endless possibilities.

You need a long length of rope for this. At least 35 feet, you might do better going with a 50-foot length. Again, better too much than not enough. And bear with me, y’all, it’s been a long fucking time since I’ve done this harness.

Also, when I did this last night, I was very eager to do some other things to him, so I wasn’t going to spend a damn hour making this harness perfect.

Thanks again to my boy, Sounder, for being my guinea pig.

Step 1:

Find the middle of the rope and double it up. Make a knot so you’ve got a loop at the end. Make four more knots, so you’ve got a total of 5. The distance you need between the knots will depend on the size and height of your sub, but you can adjust it as you go, so start with 6-8 inches.

Take the space between the fourth and fifth knots, and put that over your sub’s head, so the knotted length is in front.

This is what the back will look like.

Step 2:

Separate the lengths of rope behind him and bring them around to the front, one on either side. Thread them through the space between each knot, back-to-front, then wrap them around his body and do the same for the other spaces, until you get to the loop at the end.

Make sure you don’t do it too tightly, or you won’t be able to get to the bottom. This harness gets tighter as you tie it. Always make sure you can get two fingers between the rope and his skin. Again, adjust as necessary, and don’t be afraid to start over. It takes practice to get it right.

If you’ve spaced the knots correctly, the last knot should rest right underneath his balls, with the loop hanging down below that.

Step 3:

Now all you have left is the loop at the end. Pull the loop between his legs and behind him.

After threading the rope through the last space in the front, you won’t cross them behind his back like you did the other times. Instead, you’ll thread them through the loop.

Step 4:

Pull the two lengths of rope up his back and thread them through the space just above the first knot, on either side, front-to-back. As you can see, I started to run out of rope. I’m 70% sure this was 35 feet long. But I might be wrong on that, I’ve had this rope so long, I can’t remember what any of the lengths are.

Tie the two ends together in a square knot, and you’re done! If you have extra rope, you can wrap it around the two lengths going up his back, or you could tie him to something, or you could use it to tie his hands behind his back, or whatever you can think of.

The finished product, yay! From here, you can do whatever you want.

Want to use the rope handcuffs with this? Super easy. Go ahead and do Steps 1 to 3 of the handcuffs as you would normally. When you get to Step 4, wrap the rope around the bottom two crossed ropes across his back, along with the loops around his wrists. Then do Step 5 as normal, and you’re done. It’ll be comfortable, secure, and he won’t be able to get out of it.

Sarah, I hope these techniques helped you. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask anytime. I’m sure Sounder or Kazander would be thrilled to be guinea pigs and help me illustrate other things, wouldn’t you, boys?

I’ve been experimenting with Femdom with my boyfriend, and so far we both are having a lot of fun. It’s still really new and we’re going slow but we both like it.

We both like bondage. I really like restraining him. We got a set of those “under the bed” restraints, and that’s awesome. And we have handcuffs too, but those get way too uncomfortable for him because he has big wrists. I want to try tying him up with rope but we’ve been having trouble getting it right. Either it’s too tight and cuts off his circulation or it’s too loose and he can get out. Are there any techniques you know of to help?

Thanks!

Sarah

Hi, Sarah. Congrats on delving into the wonderful world of Femdom. I have no doubt that you’ll fall more and more in love with it, the deeper you go.

I do want to point out that I am in no way a rope master. It is, sadly, one of the few things I have limited knowledge of. It’s something I’ve always wanted to learn, though. Shibari is absolutely stunning, and really is an art form in and of itself.

Case in point.

Incidentally, if anyone happens to have experience with shibari, and lives in the Las Vegas/Henderson area, hit me up. I want to suck the knowledge from your brain.

So I’m not a rope master. However, I do have some basic knowledge that I’m more than happy to share.

Before anything else, we’ll do the whole obligatory SSC thing. If you’re doing ropework of any sort, particularly with methods you’re not familiar with, or suspension, etc., make sure you have a pair of blunt-tipped scissors. Should something go wrong, and you need to get him out of the ropes fast, that’s the way to do it.

First, you need to use the right kind of rope. Nylon is okay for basic stuff. Silk is better (but expensive). And judging by the tone of your question, I’m assuming you’re just looking for a couple of basic techniques to get you started. Nylon will work fine.

You could always buy a ready-made, idiot-proof set like this one. It’s definitely got its advantages. It’s pre-assembled, it’s nice and soft, and it requires basically zero work. I have a set myself, for those days that I’m feeling lazy and don’t want to go through and actually hogtie someone (hint: even basic ropework is time-consuming).

Here’s a picture of my set. Sounder was kind enough to “volunteer” to be my guinea pig for all of this.

Quick, simple, effective. And you KNOW I totally took advantage of this position after putting the phone down. Let’s just say he’ll be very sore tomorrow………

So there’s always that. The obvious problem with a set like this, though, is a lack of versatility. Sure, you could tie his wrists and ankles in the front, rather than behind him. But that makes it too easy for him to get out of. And unless your sub is extremely flexible, like, Olympic-gymnast-flexible, being hogtied is a position he’ll only be able to handle for a short time. So it’s fun occasionally, but this by itself is just not enough.

One of the most basic ways to tie a sub’s wrists together is called (I think) the Handcuff knot. It’s pretty easy. You’ll need about 25 feet of rope for this technique.

Rope work takes way more rope than you realize. A good thing to remember is that it’s better your rope be too long than too short. Don’t waste your time getting 5- or 10- foot lengths of rope. You won’t use them often enough.

Okay, so here we go. The Handcuff knot. Oh yeah, and Sounder is only allowed to wear women’s panties, so that’s why he’s got them on here.

Step 1:

Have him stand with his wrists out, about a foot, foot-and-a-half apart. Find the middle of the rope and lay it across his wrists.

Step 2:

Wrap the lengths of rope around both wrists two or three times. Count how many individual ropes are wrapped around his wrist. There should be at least five, especially if you’re going to keep him in this for awhile, or if you expect him to squirm and struggle and pull on it a lot.

Step 3:

Cross the two lengths of rope underneath, then bring them up and over the two 5-rope-wide sections.

Step 4:

Begin wrapping each length of rope around, until you reach his wrist.

Note:

Make sure there is some space between the wraps and his wrist.

Space. You should always be able to work two fingers in between the rope and his skin.

Step 5:

When you’re done wrapping, it’ll look like this. Take each length of rope and pull it through the last wrap on each side. From here, if your rope is short, you can tuck the ends in, underneath the wraps. Or, if you’ve still got some length left, you can tie a square knot in the center and use it to lead him around, tie him to things, etc.

Ta-da!

You can also use this to tie his hands behind his back, or to tie his ankles together, or to tie his wrists to his ankles, or his wrists/ankles to the furniture, the possibilities are endless. And this is a pretty comfortable tie for subs, so as long as it’s not too tight, you can keep it on him for extended periods (obviously communicate with him, watch his fingers/toes to make sure you’re not cutting off circulation. Common sense and all that).

So that’s one technique. Tomorrow I’ll detail how to do a basic shibari harness (don’t worry, it’s easy once you get the hang of it, and doesn’t take much time to do).

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This is an 18+ blog about my day-to-day life as a Domina, wife, mother, and all that other crap. A chronicle of me. While this blog focuses primarily on the D/s aspect of my life and my relationships with Kazander, Steel, and Sounder, it is not exclusive to that subject, and I might talk about my kid, or my annoying mother, or my sister's pet cat, or whatever the hell I feel like talking about.

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It begins over a friendly disagreement, during which you smile, roll your eyes, and say, “Go fuck yourself.”

“But, Ma’am, that’s physically impossible.”

You smirk and ask how certain I am of this. On a roll, I launch into a smug and tangential rant about the anatomical impossibility of an individual’s being capable of fucking oneself. Your response is to merely shrug, smile, and make a cryptic statement:

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