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ending a friendship

How can you tell when a friendship has come to the end of its journey? You’ve been best friends since Jr. High, shared a lot of secrets, wiped each other tears after a heartbreak, and changed the diapers of one another’s babies. You supported each others achievements, disappointments, and hardships.

At least that’s how you saw it.

In all reality, you’ve been the one supporting the friendship. You have never missed a milestone in their life, but they’ve always missed yours. You put $100 in their wedding card, yet they only put $25 in yours–two months after you were married. When you talk on the phone with them, they dominate the call, but just before they hang up they ask, “how are the kids?” or, “so what’s new with you?”–never really wanting a reply. Your so excited to share the good news about your sons new job or about your promotion at work that you begin to speak. Bad move. They begin to yell at their kids in the background, put you on hold, or “un-hun” you to death, just before saying, “well that’s good. I’m happy for you guys”.

“Yeah, but not really. What did I just say?”

You and your spouse build a new home, but they never come to see it; however, you make the ten-hour trip to see their new home and bring house-warming gifts. Patterns like these happen over and over again throughout the course of your friendship. Your not tallying up your “good works” because you do it from the heart,with love. But you do wonder why they don’t show you some love.

You saw the pattern for years, but you ignored it–that’s just who they were; nothing personal. Now, at 40, you have decided to take inventory of useless friendships and clean house. You are in a good place in your life and have realized that this friendship has never benefited you. You have had an epiphany and it’s time to move on.

A friend is someone who loves you as if you were a blood relative. Friends empower one another with words co-signed by actions. You should not be putting more into a friendship than what you’re getting out of it; that’s how you know that your friendship journey has come to an end.