My life is nuts and I love it just that way!
My writing is directly from the heart. If I feel it, if I think it, I write it....
The good, the bad and the ugly.
For the most part - Life is GOOD. Soak up every second!!
Live, Love, Laugh.... Spin around until you get dizzy and fall down - then get up an do it again!

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Friday, September 28, 2012

I credit my sales manager (and Judge Judy) for that phrase, because it really sums things up nicely sometimes when you really want to say,
"Cut the BS already, will ya!"
I've been relating to this quite a bit over the past year or so while watching the things that go on around me.

Personally, I'm the type that calls 'em like I see 'em.
I don't candy coat it & I don't tip toe around it. If I have something to say, I say it. If I can't say it in a conversation - it goes in an email, but I say it.

While I've had some realities come to light in my own life - it's the eye opening events in the lives of others that make me feel sad. Especially when it's a person who can't care for them self.

Even as a grown woman - I can tend to be easily manipulated. I am incredibly smart in some ways, but in others - totally and completely naive. Especially when it comes to emotions and affairs of the heart. I want to believe that everyone is as honest and forthcoming as I am.

I like to believe that people are who they say they are - and I'm an adult. The little people - they only see the pretty colors & want to believe it's all sunshine and rainbows. They miss the stuff under the surface. The stuff that rips them down.
Most of us know that "affairs of the heart" aren't limited to romantic relationships. It extends to our children, our friends, our family, even our pets or jobs - any person or thing that evokes emotion.

Three words I take very seriously in my life....

I LOVE YOU

If I don't feel it, if I don't mean it, I don't say it.

These words can reduce a heart of ice to a mere puddle.

These three words can also be the biggest manipulation tool on the planet.

Over and over I've seen (and felt) the manipulation of the words.

Look me into my eyes, sweet love, with that big beautiful smile

and tell me how much you love me.

...and the in the next second tell me how very bad and insignificant I am.

Please allow me do some more back flips to show you how much you are loved while you stick your foot out to trip me.

...but you love me.

It hurts my heart to see someone that I care about being, metaphorically, kicked in the face over and over again while just trying to love and be loved.

All while hearing the words... "but I love you."

Such an easy tool this love is.
So powerful a sword to take down another with so little effort. How easily it's wielded against someone who's so seemingly intelligent and stable.
Or someone who is, just a child.

Personally, I'd rather feel real rain on my back and know that it's true, than well.... ya know....

Friday, September 21, 2012

One of the moments that daddy has been dreading since he learned he would be the father of a little girl. The day when his "baby girl" officially turned on him in a hormonal outburst. The day when his normal correction of her homework turned into a 25 minute crying event because he "hurt her feelings."

I have to be honest. I'm giggling a bit as I type this. I knew this day was coming. I deal with it on a regular basis. Yesterday the inability to get a snack from the vending machine drove her to tears. Of course, I'm also female - so I get the whole hormonal explosion bit. Daddy, yeah - not so much.

Now Momma's the hero.
Headed to "baby girl's" room, I'm met by her flood of tears. Armed only with a box of tissues and many years of experience, I calmly try to explain what's (really) going on...

"Honey, do you know how sometimes mommy gets REALLY angry over something really little and you wonder why I got so mad over something so dumb? Well that's kind of what's going on with your little body right now. Is having an incorrect answer on homework really a crying event?"

More tears, full on sobbing - snotty nose, red face - the works. Now she's gasping for air.

Oh for the love of monkeys, I've really done it now. So I break the ice in a silly way (that would actually work for mom).
"Can I get you a glass of wine & box of chocolates?"

Finally she becomes calm.
I explain to her that her little body (and mind) are going to react in ridiculous ways to the stupidest stuff. She'll be laughing one minute & then crying like the dog died the next. No, we don't have a dog, but she got the point.

She seems fine now. She cried it out for a while, but she finally emerged from the bedroom, still pissed off at dad. Poor Daddy, he's just not one of us.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

The memories alone could evoke butterflies and make your
heart skip a beat.

While walking through the campground with my daughter on our last vacation hurrah of the summer – my mind
drifted back to my very first May to September “romance.”

It was the summer before my 13th birthday.
I was with my grandparents for the summer and staying at a campground in Myrtle Beach, SC. I remember it clearly, because it was also the year I was stung by a Portuguese
Man-O-War. I remember, not only because that little stint almost killed me – but because it was the first
time I met a boy on vacation.

Random pic from internet.

I can’t even remember his name, all I can truly remember is the blond hair blue eyed boy who made sure I got home from the pool safely every day, even though it was only thirty feet away from the unit where I was staying.

At 13, the last place I wanted to be was stuck with my
grandparents all the time. Of course I
loved them, but I was a blossoming young woman.
I wanted to meet friends.

I didn’t meet girls at first. There were boys everywhere. I was less than thrilled. That was, until I turned the corner &
crashed heads with the cutest blond hair, blue eyed boy I’d ever seen at the time. I was knocked off my feet by the crash, sent to the ground on my butt.

After he shook out the stars he was seeing,
he rushed to help me up & made sure I was OK. He was so sweet. He helped me up & then held onto my arm and walked me back to our
unit – taking me in and letting my grandmother know I needed an ice pack and
maybe a nap. I can still remember how
endearing that was to me. How much I
loved that this cute young boy wanted to take care of me – to be sure I was OK. My grandparents, being proper, were none too thrilled that
my first friend was a boy.

We walked to the pool and playground together every day. He even helped me to watch my brothers. When I wasn’t expecting it, he held my hand.

That set the precedent every boy after had to meet up to and perhaps also instilled in me, my love of RV camping.

I'm not completely sure this qualifies as an actual summer romance, but it does certainly bring back to mind those May to September days. The days that country singers sing of. Summer romances that set your heart afire. No rules, no schedules – just summer
fun.

Until September, when summer ends and everyone goes home...

With hearts and minds full of new
memories that make you smile, maybe gasp for a small bit of air as your heart
skips a beat.

The "romances" that are only meant to last a few months - so you get a small taste of what real love is
actually like.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

You may call me a do-gooder...I've been called worse, and believe me - I'm not always fabulous, nor am I always a do-gooder.

The fact is that people have been kind to me in this life, and that makes me happy.

I've had my share of crap on a plate and I didn't like it much when I was forced to eat it.

Luckily, there always seemed to be a kind soul reaching out to help me - in real life and in this blog-isphere.

For this reason, I find it important to pay it forward. To do something of equal or greater importance for someone else, no matter who it is. No matter why.

Most times it's easy to do something nice for a stranger. You don't know them, they don't know you - it's all good. How is it trying to pay it forward to someone close to you?
Eh, eh, eh - easy there.... I'm not done. Not just someone close to you - but someone close to you who's done you wrong...

Hmmmm - that's a whole new ball game, isn't it?

It's a ball game that has recently been placed in my lap. Yes - I love to help out my fellow page folk on Facebook. I love to help kids who need help, my friends, my family - whoever needs it. I'd do most anything for anyone - EXCEPT for the person who tore me to shreds.

I call it lessons learned.

Recently my son has given me some stuff to think about. Hmmm - go figure that my darling offspring wants to do good like his momma, and in his eyes for his momma.

This is how it feels to me.
(unbeknownst to my son)

Ya know that stuff that you think that you've long buried back behind the garage when no one was looking?? THAT stuff - the family stuff. Stuff that's been happily left behind. Stuff that my darling dearest child doesn't like buried.
Stuff he wants to fix.

I can't blame my son for wanting the Beaver Cleaver family. He doesn't know some of the stuff that went on. The stuff I've sheltered him from. I've done my best to raise him up in a way that would make my dad proud and try to create the little peace, love and tie dye world that my daddy wanted me to see.
I hid the drama from him. I supported him, helped him to grow & deal with the crap that got thrown at him - while sheltering him from the crap.

I then gave him the tools to become a strong minded individual.

Now, my strong minded individual is bringing it back to me.

I understand it - completely and totally and it scares the ever living crap out of me. Why?? Dejavu.... It's me 20+ years ago - wanting to bring the family back together. To get everyone to love each other again. Kiss, kiss, hug, hug.... Let's just say it didn't work out so well.

It IS much easier to pay it forward to those you don't know as well. To those people who may be absolutely amazing individuals in real life - or total dogs. I don't know. I don't need to know.

All I really know is that in this little blog-isphere, you're good to me -

I'm good to you. If I like you / love you, I'll do all I can for you. No drama - just good feelings. Just happy.

Because I do, genuinely in this little blog-isphere and in real life, want the very best for everyone. You bet I'll keep paying it forward!!

Thank you for reading around & hopefully through this to get where I was going with this.

Monday, September 17, 2012

OK, OK, I awarded myself with the WTF award over
at Fire & Rabbits, but yayyyy – this one is real!!

Well, it’s sort of real.

All kidding aside, I am incredibly honored to
receive and accept this award from The Plucky Procrastinator. ‘Real’ award or not, it is a huge honor to
be acknowledged among my blogging peers

“Plucky” is another blogger whom I gravitated to. In reading her blogs I immediately picked up
on how many of the same struggles we share and have come out of, even better, on the other side. So smoochies & thank you.

I love blogging. I
love this blogging community and I’m so happy to meet new folks & share the
ones who have touched me in some way. So
again, thank you.

As with any prestigious honor, there are some guidelines to
follow… So I’ll do my best to actually
follow them.

How the Liebster Blog Award works:

Thank
your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog.

Link
back to the blogger who presented the award to you.

Copy
and paste the blog award on your blog.

Present
the Liebster Blog Award to 5 blogs who you feel deserve to be
noticed.

Let
them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

Go
to your front window… Now FLASH for
beads!!

Whoops, never mind -
this isn’t Mardi Gras in New Orleans. I
get so confused sometimes…

Now, onto the new recipients! I can hardly wait.

I can never, ever, ever pick just 5 – so I want you to know
this is REALLY hard for me.

Please no
one get mad at me or feel slighted, because if you thought for a half a second I have over looked
you… check my page, you may have been pimped in one way or another at some
point in time. If not, give me a holler.

My goal here is to present this award to someone I like to read. Someone who I feel that I have not given proper attention to
lately & someone I think deserving of readership. Or I just love them. I think you may
like to check them out too if you haven't already.

1. I am Forgiven and Loved and FarFrom Perfect This is my IRLF Heather.
She’s new to the blogisphere & is a great writer. Everyone has stuff that touches someone else
& in turn helps another. I’m
confident that her writing is meant to connect with another. I love Heather & feel she's deserving of this award. xxoo

2. FireandRabbits I know Cass has already received this award this week, but my GOSH – I
love this girl! She’s an amazing and
strong spirit with a kick ass little blog!
I know I’m putting pressure on her to reward new folks – but we’ll let
her off the hook with just an acceptance speech. In Pig Latin … In a unicorn costume. xxoo

3. B(itch)Log Heather just cracks me up! I read
her stuff & she’s real and in your face.
It’s almost as if she were a Jersey girl. :) Warms my heart.

4. What I Really Meant to Say Not just because she’s another Jenn, or that
she refers to herself as Just Jenn, or even that she’s a 2-n’er like me, but
because she’s real! I love her blog and
I’m not sure I’ve given her proper love lately.
So from one Jenn to another… Rock
it chick!

5. A.D.D. Music Mamma Cyn has an “unconventional” blog.
She doesn’t write about “stuff” she writes about music. Because I am also very music driven, some
days her posts get me through a really crappy part of the day & I totally
appreciate that. Honestly, anyone who can turn my hormonal moods from "kill someone" to "spread the love" deserves an award! My husband may clean out the guest room for her. She’s spinnin’ the
tunes all day long & she takes requests!
I request you visit her.

So these are my very special and wonderful award recipients. I hope you love them as much as I do! These folks are also on Facebook, if you're interested.

I'd like to hang out longer, but I tripped up the stairs getting my award...and now I've got to ice my forehead. Don't worry, I didn't spill a drop of wine!

Thank you again to The Plucky Procrastinator for thinking of me and passing on this Liebster
Award. I love you more than my luggage. :)

Friday, September 14, 2012

I posted this silly little cartoon on my Facebook page yesterday with the caption "What my husband thinks I do."

I genuinely believe that this IS what hubby thinks I do all day long.

Yes, I love the internet!
Pfft... Who doesn't??

Without it, I'd be a sad, sad soul.
Not sad in the sense of crying - though I'm not going to lie, tears would be shed. I'm thinking more the pathetic type of sad. Oh stop...I'm joking people. Really!

....right?

It's true. I rely on my computer for - well, just about everything. Finances, address book, planning trips, keeping in touch with friends, remembering birthdays and other dates, shopping. You name it and I can and will be doing it online. Often.

What can I say? I'm a busy person!

Yes, I am online all the time. Well hello...that's my job. I can do like 12 different things at once on the computer and be busy, and be goofing off and throw in a few loads of laundry AND make dinner while I'm at it! :)

It's hard to tell, but I really DO step away.
I have to. I have a job, a family, friends.
The people in my house appreciate clean underwear AND dinner. As much as I'd like this shiny little box to do all my stuff... that's still allll me. That, along with running the kids between cheer & karate, doctor's appointments, school events - oh yeah, my JOB.

Guess what else... I have a life!!
A real honest to goodness life with real friends -- ooh, sorry IRLFs and places to go. Fun places like concerts, vacations, lunches (though that has changed since my job scheduled has changed) outties with the girls & time with the hubby.

What can I say? I'm living the dream. I know what you're thinking..SHUT UP! She leaves the house. Yeah, baby - that's right. I'm a multi-tasking sensation.

So when you see my hubby, and he comments about how much time I spend online - all you really need to say to him is....

An award!! Yayyyy!!!
Damn good thing I showered AND
brushed my teeth so I could pretty up for this award!

So, what to say – what to say?? Speech?? Hmmmm…. I’m not good at planning – so let’s
just say how honored I am to even be considered for an award… and in my best
Sally Field, “You LIKE me! You REALLY
LIKE ME!!” Thank you for this Laine
Blogger Award for Beauty. (Blushing)

I’m not good at rules – but I will follow them, since they are here and they’re
actually pretty simple.

(1) answer the following 5 questions, and then (2) pass the award onto five
more amazing and beautiful bloggers, who I feel are beautiful in the blogging
sense.

Ready?1. What is Your Current Beauty Obsession?

Beauty “obsession?” I’m not sure I’ve
got one, to be honest. I see myself as a
giant fashion faux pas. Since I have
been asked & I am actually thinking about it – I’m really liking the
specific to eye color, eye make up. I’ve
got green eyes & I love that they now POP!

2. What is the One Beauty Item You Wish You Owned?

The one beauty item I wish I owned doesn’t actually exist. It’s a figment of my imagination… They are magic scissors. I can cut the fat off of my belly or my
thighs or my butt and magically there is no evidence of a cut – only a perfect
little tummy, thighs & tushie. No surgery, no needles –
magic scissors! Yeah… That’s my wish. Doesn't it sound absolutely dreamy???

3. What is Your Favorite Topic To Read About?

I like suspense. Something that keeps
me turning the page & on the edge of my seat. I really like James Patterson. He’s a quick read – he keeps me interested
and I always love the story lines. A
little nookie nookie, but no 50 shades of anything - a little murder, a little
suspense. It needs to feel real to
me. No flippin’ inner goddess or foil
packets.

4. What Inspired You to Become a Blogger?

I love to write. I’ve been writing
since elementary school and actually have a few unfinished books (yeah, I know –
FINISH THEM). My girlfriend, Carrie,
started a blog for her cook book (she is my first awardee below) and after much discussion, I decided to follow suit in my own direction.
She encouraged me to get started & to stick with it. Thanks, Car. xxooThis is mostly therapy for me. I went
through some crap a while back & I noticed that writing it out made me feel
better - all of it, the good, the not so good – the crazy. It was good to see it all out there in black
and white, to see it as it was then get a grip on reality. I enjoy knowing that my life experiences – no matter how incredibly screwed up some are
– can actually touch and help another person. That to me is just awesome.

5. What nail polish are you wearing right now?

The
almost perpetual French manicure. I just
started getting my nails done again about a year ago. After several years of babies &
housework, etc, I deserve it. It’s something that
makes me feel pretty – even when I’m unshowered & have no make up on.

Like many folks and kids these days, I am a product of a divorced family. The see my dad on the weekend kinda kid. The weekend warrior.

It didn't really feel all that different to me while I was going through it. It just was.

I knew what to expect. The schedule was more consistent to me than anything else in my life at the time.

My dad was AWESOME. He never, ever missed a weekend with us. He was there every Friday night - 5:30 PM on the dot or earlier, ready to get us. It was hard for my dad to be without us during the week. He genuinely loved us & enjoyed spending the time with us.

It is for this reason that I don't understand why some parents (and I'm not just talking dads here) would reschedule or miss visits with their kids altogether.

The precious time allotted just for them and their kids...disposable?

I've known parents who thought of their visit days as a hassle. The time when "the witch ex wife" or whomever, made them wait (all the way) until their kid(s) gets home from school. They have to delay plans, or rearrange schedules or leave work early to get there on time, yadda yadda yadda.

Instead of being thrilled to have the time, they're complaining about having to make concessions.

Get over it, this is your kid!

*NEWSFLASH* Your kid? They are making concessions too! Have you noticed that at ten years old a child genuinely has a social life? They have friends & sports. They have events and parties to go to as well. And ya know what - they'll throw it all aside at any time, just for an hour with YOU - their parent!

Sadly, I know both sides of this particular coin. Not only was I a divorced kid - but I was also a divorced parent.

My son's father & I divorced when my son was 5 years old. I was then thrown into the other side of the visitation schedule. The side that I didn't know about when I was a kid.

It was then that I learned my parent's side of it all.

I learned the pain my mother must have felt when I decided I wanted to live with my dad, coupled by the pain of my child not wanting to see me every weekend because of friend commitments. I learned the joy of my child wanting to come back home & felt the compassion for how his father must have felt when my son came back home less than a year later.

I WAS the kid who was torn between two parents and I became the mom who tried to make the adjustment smooth for my son. No matter how painful, difficult, annoying or inconvenient it was to me.

As a foster parent I see a lot. On more than one occasion, I've seen a child sit on the front porch - or peering out a window for hours waiting for a parent to show up. I've seen the look of despair in a child's eyes when the parent is late and doesn't call and when the parent doesn't show up at all.

I wasn't the kid waiting on the front porch for 3 hours waiting for my dad to show up. My dad showed up!

Parents need to show up....

So that when your child hears "See ya on the weekend, kid" - they can believe that you will actually see them on the weekend.

Monday, September 10, 2012

I know that I am not the only woman on this planet to be plagued with hot flashes, but mercy - please!

The past few days, they've been coming like a freight train - one passes, here comes the next. Please don't tell me to lay off the caffeine. Do you want someone to get hurt?

Along with my raging hot flashes come my raging mood swings. Think PMS with a rocket up my butt. Uncontrollable irritation over everything. Coupled with the joy and excitement of silliness. Followed by the tears and sorrow over absolutely nothing. You thought I was "Sybil" before.

Not loving this, I have to say. My moods irritate me - but mostly it's everyone else that needs to deal with my crap.

These flippin' hot flashes - they affect ME!

If you are on my Facebook page, you saw the little "joke" the other day about my male co-worker trying to rescue me from a hot flash.

That was an actual moment. Sweet yes - effective, no.

There I was, fanning myself like a mental patient. Red in the face, sweat forming on my brow - dying mid hot flash. He passed my office & immediately asked if I needed help. I told him I was OK, just having a hot flash...

He panicked and brought me water, to which he was met with, "unless you're going to dump that over my head, it's not going to help. Thank you anyway." He didn't get it. That's OK. He did utter, as he walked away, "I don't understand you women."

I giggle now, even as I'm flashing like a dirty old man in a trench coat at the moment. He couldn't get it.

Please, if there's a man reading this - don't give me crap. I do acknowledge this was a very sweet gesture on his part. I also understand that he has a young wife and probably didn't see his first wife, or his mom go through this crap. He had no idea what was going on. Just that I was a sweaty, red faced mess.

Truth be told, I'd much rather have had that water dumped down the front of my shirt, where it would have felt the best. Stating so, however, would have resulted in a sexual harassment suit against me.

This stuff is no joke. If it is, it's a cruel one.

So how long does this crap go on?? I'm told YEARS. I'm not sure I can be trusted to control myself this long. I was stripping off my sweat shirt, in public, in the rain, last night at my daughter's football game. (yes, I had a tank top on under) It wasn't warm. It was a damp, raining night. I just needed to feel that glorious coolness all over my skin. At least until I stopped sweating & began to freeze.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Growing up, there was a young boy in the neighborhood who had everything.

Newest cell phone?

He had it at the age of 10.

He had state of the art video games and the big screen televisions with surround sound to play them on.

He was the envy of the neighborhood for sure.

One day a child came home from school upset, because this boy had stolen five dollars from him on the school bus. The mom went directly to the school to report the incident, only to be met a day or two later by a lengthy letter, from the child’s parents stating that their child is incapable of such behavior and she should re-check her facts. Perhaps she needed to brush up on her parenting skills, since her child had such difficulty with the truth.

This type of behavior continued, and as this boy grew older he started to receive bigger and better gifts; snow boards & ski passes, dirt bikes and other assorted ATV’s.

While the other kids asked their parents for these items, stating, “Well X has these, why can’t I have them too?”

The mom clearly told her child – “Sweetie, I can’t afford these items and your school work is suffering. Perhaps if you get your grades up, and work for what you want - we can work on getting you one of these items.”

To this, the child replied, “But Mom – X never needs to do anything! He doesn’t clean his room, he doesn’t cut the lawn, he doesn’t take out the trash and his grades are terrible!”

“Well, that’s a darn shame,” the mom replied, “Last I knew, no one ever died from taking out the trash. Doing chores helps to build character & teach responsibility.”

Of course her child and the other children in the neighborhood continued to envy everything this young man had. He did, after all, have it all AND he didn’t have to do anything!

When this young man turned 18, he dropped out of high school. Shortly after, his parents bought him a new truck.

This young man, while polite – had absolutely no ambition. No desire to become anything. No desire to go to school, to get a job – nothing.

Why should he? He lived in his parents’ home. They weren’t telling him to leave. They were providing him with food, shelter a vehicle, a cell phone and even cash when he needed it.

Sure, he had a really great job – for a little while – but why? Not like he really needed one….and he got fired. No big deal.

Life moved forward, as it always does…

All of his friends graduated high school. Some moved on to college, others to work. The young man continued to live in his parents’ basement. No drive, no ambition, no purpose. No one really around to hang out with – so he got new friends.

Shortly thereafter, this young man died, of a heroine overdose – in his parents’ basement. Drugs ordered on the cell phone his parents gave him. Drugs bought with the cash he was given, in the car they gave him.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Talking to a friend one day, she mentioned that someone from her past - that she never wanted to deal with again contacted her on Facebook.

Knowing the story, I understood both sides of that thought fear.

I understood why she wouldn't want to add this particular person, but I also know this other person, know the situation and know why this other person wanted to add her to their list.

People change. Memories don't!

Several years ago, these two people were involved. They could have been friends, family, in love - whatever - no specifics. In any case, one did the other incredibly wrong. So wrong that hearts were severely broken.

It seemed to be a ten year event that they would try again. Time would pass & there was something deep within each of them, or an event that drew them back to each other. There was history. There was a connection. There was always an outside force putting them back into each other's path.

Each meeting told them in a different way - you and I can not have a connection. It's too painful.

Ten years had passed again. My friend thought for sure their bridge had been chopped to bits.

No one would try to cross the bridge, or make contact ever again. There was an understanding. They knew.

But there it was - the friend request.

Each prior decade had shown a new and different change. Could this one be better? Is it this time that they can finally find common ground? Or, is it once again a waste of human emotion to even try?

I know each of these people. I know the love. I know the pain. I know the curiosity. I know they will continue to stay in each other's lives.

One way or another. Like it or not.

Can people really change?

Yes, mostly they do continue to change and hopefully grow.

I'd both make and accept the Friend request. Knowing on both ends that there is an un-friend button.