Comrades, I have looked into the future and — oh — what an awful place it is. It's a world where girls are all assigned "K" names like Kindle or Kool Lights and Brody Jenner wins People's Sexiest Man Alive every year from now until eternity. It's a world where a lady's greatest accomplishment is drinking white wine on a patio and negotiating her own daughter's Playboy spread. It's a world where success is measured by your ex-husband's involvement in a high profile murder trial and your current husband's ability to disguise himself as a melting candle. How ugly, this future! How inevitable! And it all starts with Kris Jenner getting her own daytime talkshow. It all starts now.

Fox Television Stations and Twentieth Television has recently announced that, starting this summer, Kris Jenner, the matriarch of the Kardashian family, will begin helming her own hour-long daytime talk show featuring celebrity guests, beauty and style trends and patented Kris Jenner advice. "This is something I have wanted to do all my life so it's definitely a dream come true!" says Jenner, proving that one person's dream is another person's nightmare.

Advertisement

"Whether offering real advice to her family or sharing personal moments with viewers, Kris is honest, compelling, entertaining, and unscripted — all excellent qualities for a daytime talk show host," remarked Stephen Brown of Twentieth TV. Adds Frank Cicha of Fox Television Stations, "Wouldn't be summer without at least one test, would it?"