Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Untimely Endings

Yesterday came the sad news that a friend had taken the decision to end his life.

For obvious reasons, I will not mention his name or the circumstances surrounding his untimely death.

This is a difficult post to write, but I feel that it should be written. I know that he used to read my Blog, and would often talk to me about it, so it feels only right to honour his memory here.

This man had so much to live for, and had done so much with his life.

He travelled the world. He had many, many friends. He held down some amazing jobs. He had some lovely girlfriends. He was the life and soul of every party. He was a manic depressive.

Many people won't understand his decision to end his life. Some will say that he took the 'easy way out'. The rumour mill has already started doing the rounds on certain social media sites, despite the families wish to keep details quiet.

The fact is that many didn't 'know' or 'understand' him as well as they think they did.

Many can not comprehend feeling so lonely and isolated, despite being surrounded by friends and family. Or indeed, the feeling of being 'invinsible' during a manic episode..

The thought of help, from anyone, no matter how well intentioned, is embarrassing for most, but for those with Bipolar or other mental health conditions, it's terrifying. People finding out the thing that you have been desperately trying to hide from them, is simply horrifying.

We will never know the exact reasons that this man, this friend, chose to end his life. However, it was not a 'cry for help'. It was not a 'bid for attention'. It was the action of an incredibly brave soul, who simply got too tired to fight.

This wasn't a selfish act. It wasn't to hurt those he left behind, or those he loved and whom loved him back. It was a choice. HIS choice. Those that really knew him and really love him will completely understand that choice. I am in no way condoning his actions, I am merely stating that I understand them.

He will no longer suffer with the demons in his head. He will no longer have to play the 'happy man' when inside he felt like crying.

I will no longer receive the drunken, crying, ramblings of a friend who was desperately searching for peace at 4am..

It has been less than 48 hours since you've been gone. You are already deeply missed.