Do you know what a bone sounds like when it snaps in half? Just like a toothpick… CRACK

I knew the bone was broken before the x-ray was ever taken. I stood there on one leg, my body going into shock. The sounds of the outside world, coming to me like a Charlie Brown cartoon, “Wa wa wa wa wa.”

The mind is a funny thing…

“It’s my left leg. I can drive myself to the hospital.” Even after all these years, still not wanting to be an inconvenience. Some habits are hard to break.

Slowly the rational thought process comes into focus, “It might not be such a great idea to drive yourself. What if you pass out?” Hmmmm, good point.

I glance down at my legs and the flowered fishnet stockings. “How am I supposed to get down on the ground in this get up?” Deep sigh… I slowly lower myself to the asphalt and my grip on consciousness loosens. “I think I’m going to be sick,” the thought floats up to me as I try to pull something inside to hold me together.

Surrender ultimately comes to me, as I weakly croak out a cry for help; again and again and again.

Finally catching the attention of my maintenance worker, he hurriedly comes around the car, shock registering on his face as he sees me sitting on the black top.

What transpires then is a comedy of thoughts. He attempts to lift me up, not realizing the tenacious hold on reality going on inside of me. I groan and ask him to stop. He can barely hear my words. I lay my head on his strong chest, trying to pull some strength from him. The tears have not even started; I’m so detached from my feelings. I attempt to get my good leg underneath me, holding tightly to his broad shoulders. “Lift me when I push up with my good leg,” I whispered.

We worked together to get me upright. Again, reality swam before my eyes as I gently laid my head against his broad chest. “This is so inappropriate,” I thought. “I’m his boss. If someone sees this, the tongues will be wagging.” Why does the mind think so logically when all I’m trying to do it hang onto a thread of awareness?

Finally, he got me into the cab of the 4Runner, Smokey, and drove me to the hospital. The tears are flowing steadily down my face now. The pain takes my breath away. I keep repeating to him, “I know my leg is broken.”
When we arrived at the emergency, the nurse quickly assesses the situation and wraps my ankle up tight. The pain slowly decreases as we sat in the waiting room.

I know the quickest way through my pain is to distract myself. I start talking to my maintenance worker about his daily tasks. We start joking and laughing. He looks at me at one point and says, “Are you sure your leg is broken? I think it might just be sprained, you seem to be doing so much better.” I smile and wink at him, “Yes, I’m sure.”

Finally, I am brought into the emergency room and put into a bed. We continue to joke and carry on. What else are you supposed to do when you’re in emergency, waiting for someone to fix a broken bone? I’m making phone calls, answering my emails and generally working.
They came to get me for x-rays and as two pretty ladies push my bed into the room, they comment on my painted toes. “Your toes look great. We don’t get to see feet that look that pretty very often. Your hair also looks beautiful,” they gush. I smile and giggle inside, “Ladies, if I knew I would impress you this much, I would have put on lipstick before I came in.”

The x-ray confirms what I already knew. The bone is broken, completely in half.

The long process of being helpless; unable to pretty much do anything to take care of myself begins.

The first few days, I stubbornly thought, “I can do this,” as I grit my teeth and refuse to ask for help. After 1 ½ days of that, I knew I had been beat. My days of being self-reliant had come to a crashing halt.

Through the proceeding weeks, my feelings went from gratitude for all those who stepped up to help me and juvenile impatience. My close friends would laugh at my discomfort, reminding me that God has a plan and He was making me softer.

Today, symbolized the end of my transformation. I threw a leg over my beloved Dragon Slayer. Fear cursed through my heart as I wondered if my ankle would hold up. My friend Rik assured me that within 2 ½ minutes I would feel like my old confident self. He was right!!

I spent 4 hours in my Dragon Slayer’s saddle today, scraping the floor boards as I got her low in the curves. The smile on my face lit up the sky and I’m sure it could be seen all the way to Philly!!

It was cold up there in Angeles Crest. A few spots had long strips of ice on the road. I was in my normal tank with my leather jacket and it was not nearly enough layers to keep me warm.

It didn’t matter. All that mattered was I was right where I belonged, in the saddle of my Dragon Slayer. Proving to the world, that if I can change, so could they!!

His large calloused hand envelopes my smaller one. His grip is firm yet gentle. The heat from his palm reaches past the barriers I have constructed around my heart. I feel safe and secure, sheltered from life’s ups and downs.

We bow our heads in prayer and the tears, surprisingly, flow down my face. I am reminded of the incredible talents a man’s hands can create and the total destruction. The strength and power in those large competent hands. The ability to love, caress and gently guide a wayward child back on course. The capacity to crush a dream, frighten a woman or toddler with brutality.

Quick snapshots of life flash through my mind, like an old fashion home movie slide show.

His hand reaches out and gentle strokes my cheek. My eyes gaze up at him in admiration. His palm cups against my face and the warmth overflows my heart with love.

For a moment, way back in time, I remember a similar hand, gently reaching out and removing my glasses before the blow of his palm leaves a bruise on my cheek.

Sitting on the soft leather couch, my bare leg draped over his broad t-shirt clad shoulder. His strong back resting easily against the couch, his thick fingers encircling my ankle.

My heart melts when I remember the feel of his hand in the small of my back, gently guiding me through the crowds.

The kitchen those hands built, with love and sweat in each swing of the hammer, now hold a gun as he threatens to kill me.

That giant hand holds the back of my head before his soft sweet mouth crushes down on my delicate lips, making me cry out for more.

An intimate moment, as I ride behind him on his motorcycle and his arm reaches back. He drapes it across my leg and cups my calf in his strong hand.

His hands rest lightly against the steering wheel when he realizes they are dry from working construction all day. He casually spits in them, hoping for some natural moisturizer. A deep memory is triggered and my fear engulfs me as I try to scramble out of the car before the crack of violence splits my lip.

A stranger really; that man who held my hand…

And yet… his touch opened the flood gates of so many memories and emotions.

Life is funny sometimes…

Never underestimate the power of touch and remember; you never know what your kind gesture may heal.

I stopped at a gas station on my way home from San Diego in my new cage. It has been pouring rain the whole drive so far. A biker was at the pump next to me, wrapping his face in a dark blue kerchief and getting ready to get wet… It reminded me of the days on my 2011 Journey, when I would ride in the rain. He was sitting on his bike when he dropped his big black glove. I also remember how frustrating that was when I was already in the saddle and now I have to get off. I walked over to his bike with a smile on my face. He was wearing colors and I’m sure he was not use to someone approaching him. I said, “You dropped your glove”, I then picked it up and handed it back to him… If the sound of his voice was any indication of the surprise on his face, I have a feeling, he’s gonna remember the simple act of kindness shown to him this day…

I decided to ride with new group of people on October 23, 2011. I’m not much for riding in groups so this was a big change. I had recently met someone who inspired me to try it!! He was quite shocked when I told him and he said to me that he didn’t think my Dragon Slayer liked to share me with people… Was he right?

I arrived at Bartels’ Harley-Davidson in Marina Del Rey at 8 am. I came with David and Felicia. This was the first time I had ridden with them also. I had left home about 7 am and it was sunny out. I was, of course, dressed in a short sleeve shirt. I almost threw a leg over without grabbing a jacket. Lucky, I’ve been riding a long time and I NEVER go without a jacket. When I crested the hill at Getty Center, the fog was so thick, I could barley see. My goggles continually had to be wiped down with my shirt sleeve.

About 6 other bikes joined us and we made our way to the Love Ride site in Castaic. We rode about 30 miles. As we parked, three different guys said to me, “Don’t you find it hard to ride without a windshield?” “Well, I have one, but I don’t usally put in on when I’m going on short rides,” I replied. “This is a short ride?” they questioned. It was very difficult for me to keep a straight face and not drop my jaw.

We hung out for a short while and then David, Felicia and I decided to throw a leg over. David came up to me and whispered, “Do you ride staggered or side by side?” “I prefer side by side, but I can stagger if you like,” I winked at him. The smile that came to his face could have been seen in San Francisco!! “I love side by side,” he grinned.

We rode to Lake Isabella and the curves were beautiful!! I’ve never ridden there so it was sure a treat!! David and Felicia ride together and their bike is named Biotch!! At one gas stop, David said to me, “I’ve been riding 42 years. You can ride beside me any day!!” I guess I passed the test!!

On our return trip, we separated in Palmdale and I continued on alone. I was cresting a hill at about 110 when BANG!! I spotted a black and white in the bushes!! Fastest slow down to 70 I’ve ever attempted!!

Now, the reason why I was speeding, is because I was being tailed. Interestingly enough, by a white BMW car!! Did he really think he could outrun my Dragon Slayer?? Silly man!!

REPRINT FROM HEAVEN

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone – to have a deep soul relationship with another – to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But, God, to one who loves Him says, “No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone. Discovering that, only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me – exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires and longings.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing – one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait, that’s all. Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And, then, when you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful then any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experiance the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me. This is the perfect love, and dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am the King, know it and be satisfied.

I WANT TO LOVE YOU WITHOUT CLUTCHINGAPPRECIATE YOU WITHOUT JUDGINGJOIN YOU WITHOUT INVADINGINVITE YOU WITHOUT DEMANDINGLEAVE YOU WITHOUT GUILTCRITICIZE YOU WITHOUT BLAMINGAND HELP YOU WITHOUT INSULTING IF I CAN HAVE THE SAME FROM YOU – THEN WE CAN TRULY MEET AND ENRICH EACH OTHER