What the thermometer read this morning when I took My Sweetness' and Mr. Personality's temperature.

9:08 a.m.

The actual time I pushed, pulled and prodded the stretch limo stroller into the waiting room of the doctor's office (the only way I can get all three children in one place at one time!)

9:30 a.m.

Summoned into the doctor's office and trying desperately to maneuver the five foot long monster through the tiny cramped quarters without running over too many toes or squishing any fingers.

10:20 a.m.

Still waiting to see a doctor. Reading Little Red Riding Hood for the fifth time in the most dramatic voice possible in an attempt to distract three miserable and bored out of their minds little people from crawling into the doctor's cabinets or touching the hazardous waste trash can.

10:22 a.m.

Now resorting to singing silly songs..."I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee..." Anybody remember that one?

10: 25 a.m.

Holding both wailing babies while the doctor attempts to examine them. "Yep, one has a red throat little mommy." And then the dreaded sermon and the stern look, "You know they're behind on their shots, we've gotta see them right away.

"Oh yes, well, that has been an intentional delay." Fidgeting under the strict gaze, desperately trying to sound confident but respectful, when what I really wanted to say was that I have researched this extensively and feel I am making the best decision for my children's health and safety by postponing their 12 and 15 month shots until they are at least 2 and a half years old. Yep. That's what I wanted to say. Ah, well. Somehow they convinced me to schedule the appointment for them to get their shots (even though I will call and cancel anyway).

11:45 a.m. and 4:00 p.m.

When the pharmacy promised the prescription would be done and when it was actually filled.

12:00 p.m. and 2:00 p.m.

My desperate attempts at putting my children down for naps...desperate, I tell you. And desperately failed attempts, I might add. Sitting in the middle of the floor holding my poor, miserable sick little babies.

2:30 p.m.

I started feeling sorry for myself. "If only my family didn't live 1,000 miles away!" And then I got mad at how pathetic I was for feeling sorry for myself. (Goodness, I only have three children after all and I want more--how will I ever handle it if I can't handle this?)

Daddy comes home. Tired and exhausted. To a very tired and very exhausted little family. He recently had a tooth pulled. He needs to rest. Mommy has an opportunity to learn patience, self-control, and selflessness. Mommy fails. Miserably. (Oh dear, why am I referring to myself in the third person?)

6:00 p.m.

Communication breakdown. Wishing I could just escape for a little while. Where's the emergency exit when you really need it?

"Joye, I'm here."

I brushed the barely heard whisper away, now crying into the dirty dishes, frustrated at my failures today as a mommy, as a lover of my God, as a caring wife.

"Joye, I'm here. Let me love you."

"Now, God? I'm not very lovable at the moment. I'm too busy being angry with myself. But really, God, you still want to love me now?"

And then I see it. God is in the business of loving imperfect people. Nothing I ever do will make Him love me any less. It's a mercy I don't deserve, but a mercy that cost Him dearly to give.

He is my emergency exit. My route to safety. I escape the flames because I run through the door of His Son, not because of anything I will do or ever have done.

29 comments:

oh Joye - what a tough and FULL day you've had! Sick babies are so hard on a mommy's heart and sanity! I'm so glad you kept your "appointment" with Jesus. I'll be praying that you get some well deserved rest tonight!

Oh how I love your blog, Joye! I love how you are honest and I love how you love Jesus. And I love how you crack me up with stories that I can so relate too....like wrestling with the stroller. LOL! I hope your little ones are feeling better tomorrow!

It is an amazing organization :) Your probably won't see it in LA but I will be posting a link. They told me it should be on their website after the news is over :).I love your blog and I am prayin your kiddos feel better soon!!

Oh so sorry :( Poor little ones. Remember we're not perfect...we are ALWAYS going to experience failure and not feeling our best...I feel that now! I'm the one who's in bed with an excruciating earache and the kids are being so sweet and taking care of me...thank you LORD! Dan is out of town, and Alex is being the 'daddy'! ;) I hope you all feel better today!

I remember those days! I think I slept for months after the kids got older! Poor dear thinking of you and pray your little ones will be better soon! I never had family close by either and felt the same feeling of sorrow over that fact..have you ever heard this song that I posted a while back..? It reminded me of you today. If you have time stop by and feel the words! Hugs :)

ooh, the "help mommy be nice prayer"- that one stings, doesn't it (I've gotten it myself too- glad to know I'm not alone). So, I see you've already gotten the lovely blog award, however I too am passing it on to you. It was so easy to pick you, I truly feel blessed to follow your lovely blog. so stop by mine and pick your second award up, okay ?Julianne :)

I'm sorry; what else can I say? I could tell you I've been there and that things will get better, but in the midst of the moment, I'm sure my thoughts comfort little. Thankfully, you've run to the only One who can soothe the "crazy and chaos" going on around you.

Hi Joy! I know, it's so hard to try to manage things when the kids are sick! Everything gets put on the back burner, and that's okay!!! I'm so glad you spent time with the Lord after your chaotic day. There is nothing better than His soothing words!!!! He's so faithful!

Oh, dear what a day! Sometimes the most blessed peace comes when we find ourselves in a place where the only prayer we can utter is "Help, I can't do this without You!". An oil note, peppermint rubbed into the bottoms of the feet can really help cool down fevers. Just FYI :)