by Fiona Johanna

23 Feb 2017

Master The Art Of Being Your Own Wingwoman

A funny thing happens when you hit your upper twenties – somehow after years of aggregating friends and acquaintances, finding yourself with an entourage that rivals a flash mob going out, you’ll wake up and find yourself completely solo one lone Friday night. GASP! I know some of you are thinking that might be the most depressing opening sentence to an article you’ve ever read. How does this happen to someone like me, who by the majority of my family and friends’ standards, am known as one of the most social people in New York City (my mom would say, the whole entire world, love you mom)? Truly it’s a combination of natural coupling as we age, and trimming the fat from exhausting friendships that don’t benefit our wellness in the long run.

But let me be clear, by the time this happens, you should be at the point where you cherish unaccompanied sessions and can be perfectly content reveling in your own company. Nevertheless, for singles, it’s only natural to want to find opportunities outside of your studio UES apartment for that chance encounter with Prince Charming. So let me introduce a new concept that may sound anxiety inducing for those with social anxiety: The Art of Self-Wingwomanning.

“But Fiona, doesn’t that defeat the purpose?” To that I respond, who says the wings can’t be spread and fully operational on your OWN body? It does take a special skillset, but with the right mindset, confidence, and conscious behaviors, you can rack up the digits just as efficiently on your own without the help of three-margarita-deep-Martha on Taco Tuesday. Below are helpful tricks that’ll keep you fly without your coupled-up pals.

Be Approachable

I took a step back yesterday and realized that even though I live in the biggest city in the United States, I rarely interact outside the bubble I’ve created by completely limited my opportunity to meet others. The major culprit? Those white wires hanging out of my hears… Take OUT the headphones folks!

I’m not saying you should spare the cardio playlist that is the sole reason you get on the treadmill, or your podcast on the morning commute. I AM acknowledging that having yourself plugged in (literally) exudes the impression that you’re preoccupied with whatever is on your iPhone- even if it is Adele’s new jam on repeat for the 60th time that day. You never know when you’re going to meet someone organically, so practice mindfulness and attentiveness on the train. Make eye-contact with that sultry stranger across the platform. Keep your RBF in check… Hell, go CRAZY and smile if you’re feeling ballsy! This age of technology has left many of us walking zombies, glued to our screens throughout our day to day, which sadly reduces our ability to see opportunity for human connection right in front of our faces.

Date Yourself

There’s often a stigma that women believe it’s embarrassing to be seen in public settings alone. God FORBID a lady post up at a happy hour by herself because she likes the taste, and buzz, of a hard earned pinot! When you reach the age of self-wingwomanning, these silly notions need to be thrown out the window. I’ve personally conducted a study polling 25 men aged 23-40 about women alone at bars or coffee shops, and every one said their lack of companionship makes them more compelling and interesting, rather than sad or pathetic.

Think of it as an exciting adventure where you can explore different worlds within each new location. Pick places that you are genuinely interested in visiting, be it the ambiance, or their trivia, or they serve the best bespoke cocktails. If you still have apprehensions about showing up and twiddling your thumbs, bring along a good book to read. The fact you’re out in a public setting instead of reading on your couch shows you’re open to human interaction, but also content keeping yourself occupied. Bonus, the book will double as a conversation starter so you can navigate around any potential awkward opener.

Give Yourself A Confidence Boost

We’ve all had those days where you roll out of bed 8 snoozes deep in your alarm, throw on a pair of jeans, brush your teeth and jump out the door to catch the train. Once in a while, those are excusable, but think about your vibe that day. On a scale of Beyonce at the Grammys or Britney Spears à la 2007 melt down, where did your self perception fall? Perhaps a hyperbole, but personally when I take the time to dress to impress I feel THAT much more self assured when interacting with others throughout my day. Think of yourself as a walking work of art. We all believe in and endorse inner beauty here, but there’s a lot to be said for putting your best stiletto clad foot forward!

If you’re getting ready for a night out with yourself, dance and sing in front of the mirror as you normally would with girlfriends. YOU are still a queen and have enough personality to entertain all of your suitors. Put together a “pump up” playlist and repeat some self love mantras in the mirror. Pin point of your favorite badass single-gal idol and channel her aura of independence. Trust us, we won’t label you crazy if you get caught up singing “One Less Lonely Girl” to yourself before ordering that Über to a local meet and greet spot.

Adulting isn’t easy, and while there’s no secret to finding love, what WON’T work is sulking on the couch because all your friends have dates. Life is too short and you’re way too fabulous to be hunkered in just because of nerves. For all my ladies feeling blue from lack of vitamin D, I challenge you to spread your own wings and get three numbers this week. If anything, it’ll make for great stories that all your coupled friends will surely envy. Now get out there and fly, queens!