Sunday, March 13, 2016

CNN's John King Caught In Bed With Interactive Map of Ohio

NEW YORK --- Early Saturday morning, CNN's
Dana Bash arrived at her room at a Cleveland Holiday Inn where she found her
husband in bed with an interactive map of Ohio. According to Bash, the two were
said to be engaged in "BDSM sex acts" inspired by a "50 Shades
of Grey" DVD they acquired from a Redbox located in the hotel lobby.

He yelled "You weren't supposed to arrive until Sunday at 2 p.m. EST, 3
p.m. CST!” blubbered Bash, as she wept uncontrollably. “We were going to go to
Fiji this summer! Fiji! Do you know how expensive it will be to change those
tickets? Like, at least $200, because we chose Southwest, even though I told
him Delta doesn't charge a fee for flight changes. But he didn't listen. HE
NEVER LISTENS!”

Initial reports have King arriving at the
motel in a Taxi around 11 p.m. Wednesday night, as he escorted the interactive
map into the lobby.

“He couldn't keep his hands off it” recounts Cheryl, the Holiday Inn clerk on duty
that evening. “He just kept talking about turnout in Hamilton county and
pressing the screen. I think the map was uncomfortable.”

“I don't blame the map” said an unnamed hotel patron. “It clearly had too much
to drink, and King was taking advantage. I mean, Donald Trump was clearly
leading in urban districts. That doesn't happen with a sober digital
representation of public polling.”

We asked the patron if he could remember any of the conversation, and he
remembered hearing King saying “I want to see that African-American demographic
again. Just one more time baby.”

King has been unavailable for
comment.Written by: Justin BuelleEdited by: Julio Jorge