15 July, 2014

It all
started with the outlet tube of the washing machine snapping open at the joint, a couple of weeks back.
The existing tape had to be removed, the outlet pipes fitted together again
properly and taped up securely with insulation tape. Once I was done repairing the pipe, casual conversation led to me saying that small electrical repairs
around the house like repairing plugs, changing fuse wires etc were things I
used to do at home, during my college days and how it used to leave my grandmother rather horrified.

I also used
to repair leaky taps at home by changing washers and the like. I’ve used
a proper saw on wood to build something once and these habits of mine were
always a bone of contention with my grandmother. Her comment to my mom
always used to be “these are not things girls should be doing. It is very
unfeminine for a girl to be repairing stuff, sawing wood etc”.

Yet
another incident that this brought to the fore was when one of my aunts used to
repeatedly tell me not to sit with one knee over the other. Apparently,
if girls sat that way, it was a sign of disrespect. Boys could sit anyway they wanted, they could scratch themselves anywhere they wanted, in plain view of anyone around and it was perfectly acceptable. But girls sitting with one knee over the other knee was an absolute NO !

During my
college days, I also used to paint with water colors and I did notice, even
then, that painting did not evoke any negative response from anyone at home. It was seen as something creative, something
feminine.

This whole
concept is worth a serious think – “What does one mean when one says this is
not something girls are supposed to do or not supposed to do ?”

Growing up in
a patriarchal society that is India (it was and it still very much is a
patriarchal society), girls, right from a young age were taught to conform and
obey, no questions asked. If it was someone like me, questions would be
raised only to be shot down and muzzled. Answers were never forthcoming
and I now realize that I never had any of my questions answered because the
elders in question simply did not know. Customs, ideas, norms, habits
were given the title of “tradition” and simply passed on from one generation to
the next, with no one questioning the basis or the logic thereto.

As a child, I
came in for a lot of flak from the elders in the family for playing cricket
with the boys. Apparently, it was something “girls simply would not and
should not do”. I didn’t get the logic behind that statement then and I
don’t get it now.

During the
long summer holidays, a whole load of us used to get together in the afternoons
to play card games or board games. Inevitably, there would be a lot of
noise and ruckus and I remember one grandpa in the building complaining to some
of the grandmoms about their grand daughters making noise and how it was so “un
girl like” to do so. That there used to be boys too, creating an equal
ruckus alongwith us, was completely sidelined – almost as if it was considered natural
for boys to behave that way but not for girls.

It’s been a
few decades now and the sad fact is that things remain pretty much the
same. Attitudes are the same, mind-sets, outlooks and approaches pretty
much remain similar.

Women should
not have to protest, should not have to hold up banners, should not have to
walk around naked holding placards, should not have to burn bras to be heard
and taken notice of. When a woman speaks, it is as much her right to do
so as it is any man’s out there and when she does speak, giving her an ear is
something that needs to come naturally to the public just as they would, if it
was a man speaking.

Being a woman
has never been easy anywhere in the world, especially so in patriarchal
societies like India. Come to think of it, a woman is pretty much doomed
the day those XX chromosomes decide to hang out together. That is
essentially when the struggle begins – a struggle for life, a struggle for
existence, a struggle for self-identity, a struggle to have her voice heard, a
struggle to have her opinions taken seriously. For a woman, life gets
down to being a struggle to simply survive with her senses intact, for, she
comes into a world, a society which is biased and inclined towards heeding the
XY chromosomes over the XXs.

Despite
rampant cries for change, the cultural identity of an Indian woman is still
looked upon, first and foremost, as being a wife, a mother. The
traditional female identity in India still pretty much places a woman in a very
restrictive environment. Education too, even now, is seen by society, not
as much as a tool towards an independent woman but more as a means to improve
their chances of finding a husband of a higher social status.

Irrespective
of life in a village or a city, women are still expected to adhere to
traditional expectations. In many families, it is still considered
necessary for a woman to touch her husband’s feet as a mark of respect, she is
still expected to wear on herself, accessories that “mark” her as a married
woman – her mangalsutra, her sindoor, her toerings. Does society show a
shift towards expecting something on similar lines from men, now that we call
ourselves an advancing society ? Sadly, the answer still remains in the
negative.

Religion is
still used to reinforce cultural stereotypes of feminity. Sita is still
embodied as the perfect Indian wife who sacrifices just about anything and
everything at the drop of a hat to follow her husband and does what is asked of
her – no questions asked. I still remember the press exemplifying
Narendra Modi’s wife as a perfect example of an exemplary Indian wife – one who
still prays for her husband and sacrifices her comforts for his benefit because
she’s still married to him – unheeding of the fact that theirs was a dead relationship
the day he chose to walk away from it. That is just one example of the
media doing its duty towards reinforcing stereotypes, at a time when women all
over the world are trying to break free of typecasts and labels.

The media is
often found saying that sexism is on the decrease now as compared to what it
was a few decades back. There are
countless articles which say the lines between male dominance and female
submissiveness has blurred and that there definitely is a grey area which is
growing. Well, as things stand in
society today, what we see is probably not the institutionalized sexism that
one used to witness a few decades back.
There are no professions from which women are barred or not allowed to
practice. What we see in today’s world
is sexism in a more subtle form.

It rears its
head every single time a female faces catcalls and sexist comments as she walks
down a road. It rears its head time and
again when male colleagues attribute just about anything and everything about
you to it being “that time of the month”.
It rears its head every single time men deem it fit to make jokes about
women not being able to do things which society has always considered “macho”, driving
for instance. It rears its head every
single time the so-called “educated” men don’t think twice about making
statements like “a woman’s place is in the kitchen, making rotis and cooking
for her family”.

Sexist
attitudes are long gone, is what some people say. It is something that used to belong in the
previous century, said someone, the other day.

Unfortunately,
that is not quite the case. Not
quite. It is still very much out
there.

We still live in a society which defines woman-ness or feminity in terms
of actions or dress codes. We still live
in a society that permits and makes sanctions for gender based jokes in
workplaces or schools, we still live in a society which recently ruled that
family owned businesses do not have to cover contraception in their workers’
health insurance. We still live in a
society where male members in the Senate and the Supreme Court get to decide on
whether women should have control over their own bodies.

Sexist ideologies still continue to seep their way into several issues in
society, thus affecting and twisting perceptions and public attitudes. Sexism does exist even today and this is an
issue that needs to be at the forefront in terms of raising awareness, not
something to be denied or swept under the carpet or deemed as something that’s
long gone away.

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About Me

I don many hats - a daughter, a wife, a mom to two (and still sane, by the way) and a full time teacher, to mention a few.
Writing has always been one of my passions and continues to be my mode of expressing my feelings, thoughts in my personal space.
This blog was essentially started, way back in 2006, to pen down the little tidbits,memoirs of The Nutty Siblings - Macadamia and Pecan's childhood.
Now, with the kids having grown up, the blog has indeed become a space where I pen down my thoughts as and when they demand to be penned down.
I love satire in all its aspects and of late, have embarked on a satirical journey on this blog, with regard with TamBrahm weddings. Many parts have already been penned and there are many more to come.
As life’s train chugs along, bringing along with it our share of the good’s, the bad’s and the in-between’s, as the kids grow up and we grow older, the little chronicles on Tiny Tidbits will hopefully continue to serve as those little windows , a little time machine that takes us on a humorous, engrossing trip, back in time.