Is Polyamory better suited for humans than Monogamy?

Extremely common affairs such as: rekindling old flames with ex's on Facebook, emotional cheating with a friend or co-worker, sex while on vacation in another state/country, sex while your spouse is on vacation, sex in your spouses bed while they are at work, 50% of marriages end in divorce, not to mention the sexual desires/fantasies for those other than your partner.

It would appear that monogamy isn't the most effective tool for the human animal.

"Polyamory: often abbreviated as poly, is often described as 'consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.' It is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."

With such a lust for those other than your partner, and the actual acts of adultery (Emotional or physical) you'd think more humans would partake in such a system.

Our track record shows it would be fitting, so why don't humans adopt it? Why do we value exclusivity, while ineffectively carrying it out?

They feel as though if they can follow one aspect of Christianity (since people like to believe we're a Christian nation), then they're "Christian enough." Let's be real, when people condemn mormonism it's not because of the underage crap that was happening--it's because of the multiple wives thing going on.

And open relationships are frowned upon because it means accepting yourself as nature made you.

Excellent response! It was exactly that reason why they rebuked Mormonism. In hindsight, it was the most frequent target on the news (And local religious folks). Due to Christianity, hmm. Thanks, it's a pleasure speaking with you as usual.

I think your answer is true for some people, not for others. It's important to recognize that everyone is different. There is no "one size fits all" for relationships. Monogamy may not work for everyone, but neither would polyamory. I don't believe that polyamory is any more "natural" than monogamy is, because the emotions of attachment and jealousy that make us desire monogamous relationships are just as natural as the feelings of curiosity and boredom that make us cheat.

What Girls Said 26

I think polyamory is fine for some people, but it's not going to work for everyone. Just as monogamy won't work for everyone.

However, I would say that on the whole, in general, humans ARE better suited to monogamy. Obviously it can be tricky, and you have to be with the right person and be devoted to make it work. But I just don't believe the majority of people have the right mental and emotional state to be able to have successful polyamorous relationships. Curiosity and a desire for variety are natural for humans, but jealousy, possessiveness, and the desire for a special bond with with a single partner are just as natural. Personally, I think it is easier (for most people) to incorporate variety and adventure into a monogamous relationship than it is to quell jealousy, drama, and emotional pain that could come along with polyamory. I think, for most people, monogamy is the lesser of two evils so to speak. But of course everyone is different, and polyamory will be the best choice for some.

Humans aren't perfect. We want the most and we want to give up the least. We want freedom but we want to have control. That's why cheating and affairs happen. But both monogamy and polyamory require compromise. It just depends on which compromise you'd rather make. A

I think it's an individual thing. I feel this is something that shouldn't be seen as a negative, but something people should discuss before getting into a relationship.

I'm a loner by nature, so I tend to only closely associate myself with a small group of people. I'm 100% a monogamist and feel it's important for my partner to feel the same, but that's not to say that I'm against others feeling the need to spread their love. I'm for all consensual, adult, relationships.

I believe people eventually chose to be monogamous when they saw that the offspring survived longer than in polygamist relationships. But, we've evolved since then and can manage to raise a child with less than two parents and with more than two..

It's very complicated. I know my boyfriend would hate to see me with anyone else. And I don't think he'd be comfortable having sex with anyone but me unless I broke up with him. He really really loves me. I think our "track record", is just proof of humans being selfish and imperfect. But I'm sure a lot of relationships WOULD be better off as nonexclusive. Especially with younger couples who don't really know what they want. But I think that once you do find a person whom you really really love in a way that makes you want to settle down, you only appreciate the beauty of others, not desire them.

I suppose my disdain is with how animalitic and flawed humans are. I seriously doubt that if your co-worker was a ridiculously beautiful, masculine man who exudes everything you find sexy, and were assigned on a project together you wouldn't merely be appretiative. but rather, get all cheesy talking with him and fuzzy on the inside.

Maybe because I'm hardwired to find certain things attractive, but probably not because I'd actually want him in my life. I might think "I bed he'd feel good..." But my desire would never be to find out. I don't want to let anyone in me but my boyfriend. I really don't think anyone else deserves me anyway. Everyone else annoys to me some extent. And even after over a year and a half, I still have gotten tired of this guy one bit:) so I think other people could maybe feel this way too. I know he

You would fantasize about someone other than your BF,your peer, how good his d*ck would feel inside you. That's a tad bit different than a mere appreciation. I'm confident your boyfriend wouldn't be thrilled. Although, indifference to it could raise a different flag.

If I'm full and I look at a cake, I'll think "man I bet that tastes good", but I won't actually want to eat it. And thinking it would taste great doesn't mean I was meant to eat it. Acknowledging that something is good, IS admiring. I don't want anyone else. I'm already satisfied. This is just me though. I'm not trying to prove you wrong or anything. There is no right and wrong here. I think this is a much more moral and emotional debate than a logical one

I would understand B to be a natural human instinct but I'd be pissed to hear it. It should only be a fleeting thought. We are programmed to be attracted to each other, that doesn't just stop when you find "the one", but actually wanting those things does. I don't think people who cheat are actually in love. Just my opinion.

Lmao. You must have some crazy fleeting thoughts. I've never once in my life went from looking through a stack of books at the library, gazing up to see who walked into the room, and immediately think "I wonder how tight her pussy is" and I doubt your sex drive is near mine.

The flow of thought: She's sexy, her curves look very good.. (looks at her butt), THEN say "Damn, I know that shit feels bomb."

Maybe I'm a goody two-shoes. I even think "that's" going too far being in a relationship.

And this is also just me but yeah my "fleeting thoughts" can be sick. I don't think I'm normal though. If only you knew the rest of what goes on in my head... But my beliefs are rooted in all of my thoughts. I'll picture my dad naked(not vividly) when I hear him in the shower but god knows its nothing I ever want to fucking see. Eww.. My mind just GOES lots of places. It doesn't live there.

Yeah. Maybe too aware:/ it's both a blessing and a curse. And "sick" can range anywhere from wondering if my 3 year old cousin would be a better kid if he was neutered all the way to I wonder what human flesh tastes like cooked. Again, these are just thoughts. A less "sick" and maybe just weird thought that I sometimes actually consider is, I wonder what would happen if I just stood up on my chair and started barking like a dog with a straight face.

Lmao omg. I didn't think I would actually be surprised. I'm honestly here laughing thinking about the barking like a dog with a straight face bit. Reminds me of when I would taste someone's food, I'd have the most disgusted look on my face and go "Ew, ugh! This shit... This shit is fucking delicious ugh!". I wondered what human flesh 'looked' like cooked. I bet it's like steak, ehh. God I could riff on that weird shit for days. Too aware, tell me about it. Being naive wasn't too bad.

Large parts of the world's male population may have four wives. However, this does not work the other way around. Also, it seems that for dignities there is no limit. When polygamy is allowed, it should be adopted equally. On the other hand, not only human kind is monogamous. Also penguins and other animals stay together all their lives. In conclusion, it seems to me that for most humans, one man or one woman is more than enough to handle. For myself I have come to the conclousion that I am not a monogamous person and any relation with my girlfriends and occasional boyfriend will only work if they feel the same or at least respect my nature.

I am polyamorous. I feel that we probably aren't fitted for monogamy. But everyone's different. I don't believe this can be answered. Human being are so complex and I think it comes down from what you seek in life and if you can get it from one person. I need the support (not the sex) from many people. I need to be lifted up frequently. I also need my alone time, and polyamory has allowed me that too. However I can understand the idealism of wanting that one special person and to feel THAT special. I understand monogamy because I lived it until I was 29.

Because there is rarely a situation where both partners are okay with polyamory. When in a relationship, you'd want to think your significant other would only want to be in fascination with yourself; monogamy.

Muslim polygamy exists in Muslim countries but people in the West mainly know the legends about harems. Western polygamy too exists, outside law. I wouldn't like to pay a coke to everyone living in 3 person union in the USA. I'd certainly be broke.

The Mormon culture isn't necessarily a great example of consensual, mutually enjoyable polyamory. Marriages are often arranged and force young girls to wed against their will. And when one man has several wives, young men are often unable to marry because there aren't enough women to go around. Men are the only ones who are allowed to have multple spouses, a woman couldn't have multiple wives. It's not about freedom. It's a pretty messed up system actually, if you ask me.

Hm, I'm not sure of the validity of that statement. At least in the United States, such coercion is illegal. Did you mean women having multiple husbands? Humans are still primitive, men wouldn't like that very much. I think monogamy is primitive (Technically, it is) and worked well for a primitive era. Now we are in a new era where two parents aren't needed for survival. Polyamory seems the next step in the evolution of relationship models. Although, I'm with you that I'd be too jealous lol.

But anyway, to answer your question: I think as long as all parties invloved are honest to each other and no one's harmed, there's no reason to look down on concepts other than monogamy. It's not like monogamy has been there forever, it's been created by us and so we also can choose to create something else for us, individually.

Polyamory= sentimental and/or sexual relationship between more than 2 persons.

Polygamy = an union with legal consequences (marriage) between more than 2 persons.

Polyamory was first probably. This and polygamy have been there forever. Monogamy was introduced to stabilize relations between members of the tribe once humans started living in society. Marriage is socially functional in guaranteeing child support and mainly in keeping family possessions in the family. (and in the tribe)

I think it's definitely better for humans, but I think we don't adopt it because of how our brains are wired. When we have something (or someone) it's our property and we don't want to give it up. And of course there's always the possibility that your partner might like another person better and leave you for them. That's something no one wants.

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Anonymous

Studies I've read show humans were more likely to be loosely serially monogamous...

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Anonymous

I agree. It's not meant to monogamous

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Anonymous

I don't think that would work out for my relationship. I would hate to see someone else with my boyfriend and I know he couldn't stand seeing someone else with me. I guess it depends on the couple.

Meanwhile, you're likely to commit one of the following acts over the course of your current relationship: "Extremely common affairs such as: rekindling old flames with ex's on Facebook, emotional cheating with a friend or co-worker, sex while on vacation in another state/country, sex while your spouse is on vacation, sex in your spouses bed while they are at work,not to mention the sexual desires/fantasies for those other than your partner."

I'm not MORE likely to commit an affair, anyone can cheat. It's not fair to anyone being cheated on. If a person is that worried about cheated on, they really shouldn't be in a relationship. It takes self control not to cheat, and two people who mutually respect each other are less likely to cheat.

I didn't say you were. I just said you're likely to commit one of the following acts. Everyone here is, not singling you out. It just seems like an out of sight, out of mind things. (Hypothetical) Your Boyfriend won't tell you he ran into his ex that gave him a naughty look that made him feel sexy, so no ones hurt. No harm no foul is still wrong, to me.

What Guys Said 10

I think part of the problem is people live so damn long nowadays. Marriage was much easier when humans married in their teens and died in their 30s. I think this is one of the reasons society is getting married at an older age.

Monogamy is also a more stable decision when it comes to finances. Potentially having children with multiple partners and the drama included with that I think lots of people would rather avoid. It's a more stable situation to raise children in as well. Also knowing that the kid is yours is a good feeling as well.

I think most people are naturally very jealous. We hate sharing especially when it comes to partners. Even if we don't treat our partner the way they should be treated.

I do agree with you in the sense that it's natural for human beings to be attracted to other people even while in a relationship. It's also true that there's a "honeymoon stage" in relationships where you can't keep your hands off each other then it gets stale. Also no human being has EVERY trait we consider desirable in a partner. Even in a relationship we can notice appealing traits about other people that our partner doesn't have.

I guess my answer is I don't think humans were programmed for monogamy but it is a more stable environment overall to do so.

You make a lot of well thought out points. What do you feel about this news story? link

A few things you said 'really' resonated, in that we are jealous DESPITE meanwhile treating our partners poorly. In regards to being attracted to those other than your partner, how is that acceptable? Hypothetical scenario, I'm sure a 5'5 Asian guy would be upset to know his wife really also loves BBC.

Right that's what I mean. I think we all desire traits that even our partner may not have. Nobody hits the lottery with a partner or can create their perfect partner. I don't think it's acceptable but it is understandable IMO.

As for your link I find it to be very interesting. I wonder how that dynamic would shift if another partner got pregnant. It claims they all have multiple partners. It seems to be too.. unpredictable and potentially explosive due to more opportunities for strife.

I'm sure they must have some kind of rules or plan. I can't see things functioning without that. I'm in no way chastising polygamous relationships it just seems like there are far more opportunities for things to go wrong.

This has been asked several times and I fervently believe that men need monogamy despite every guy feeling like he deserves 2+ wives. If polygamy were the norm, the 1% of guys with the most wealth would have several beautiful wives because he could easily provide for them all. This would leave the general male population with either no wives to choose from or the less-desirable wives to choose from.

Also, if polygamy were the norm, there would be far more consanguineous marriages since the men with several wives would have many children with the same father which would eventually narrow the society's gene-pool whereas monogamy would facilitate a more diverse gene-pool since the same amount of children would have several different fathers.

In conclusion, polygamy is better in the bedroom but worse for society's men and evolution.

Monogamy should be effective, but I think deep down inside most of society, we truly don't want it. That doesn't mean that what we want is good for us. It's the devil at work here, and people either don't realize it or don't care and embrace it. I personally still believe in monogamy. However, I can't prove it works, because I've never been in a relationship yet. I'm waiting for that special person - if there is such a person. There's too much of society that is lusting over other people. They can't seem to control their feelings. Not everyone should be married. Some people are not built to be married. People should not assume they should get married because they are a human. I won't be surprised if anyone disagrees with me or thumbs-down my comment. I do believe it's the truth, though. People need better self-control, but they don't have it. They run wild, like wild animals in a store on Black Friday.

Some people are definitely made for polyarmorous relationships. That's for sure. However, most average people enjoy monogamous relationships and are only made for attaching to one person at a time. Adultery isn't caused because humans are being forced to only have one partner, it is caused by one partner failing to keep promises and be responsible enough to handle the relationship. No matter what excuse for it happening. Adultery can probably even happen in a polyamorous relationship. So it wouldn't fix anything. People who are adulterous are simply adulterous. Having more than one partner isn't going to change that.

Now, an advantage of polyamory is the fact that a lot more reproduction can happen and more babies can happen. Given the right circumstances. If the human race suddenly had a rapid population decrease, like say: Nuclear war or the pox, polyamory polyamory SHOULD be the system in place, considering we need to rapidly populate to keep ourselves from ceasing to exist. Of course, this would only work if it was one guy with 2+ more females, not one female with 2+ guys. So if the male population was larger than the female population, polyamory wouldn't help that much.

I would say that monogamy is the way one SHOULD stick to for a better life. But since humans aren't real monogamists by nature that's more of an ideal that societies usually strive to achieve.

Humans aren't true monogamist creatures - let's make that clear. Monogamy means that you stay with one partner and only one for your entire life. And if that partner of yours happens to die early or anything you don't go our with others you just die alone. Many species of animals are exactly like that.

But humans aren't like that. We usually have partners before marriage (if we get married anyways), and for those who have an "after the marriage is over" part in their lives - obviously that's not monogamy by definition.

exactly. my brother is serious, serious playboy. it's sad to hear how many wives banged. this woman went down to do her husbands laundry, and sadly will never her brains were getting banged out. yet, they prefer monogamy?

While Polyamory sounds nice to some people, others would rather stick with monogamy. It makes the relationship more valuable. Monogamy shows that one's partner is all they want and need.On the other hand, some people have a lot of trouble being loyal, in which case it's better they be in open relationships. They would save a lot of heartbreak that way.

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Anonymous

No. just because you are horny does not mean you should go romping with everyone...

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Anonymous

We desire our partners be faithful, because having a faithful partner was important to our ancestors in continuing their line. Men could be certain the child they were raising was their own, and women would not be abandoned with child, for another woman. While having a faithful partner is an advantage, there really isn't any advantage in actually being faithful. So we are programed to want what few of us are willing to give.

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Anonymous

Not better suited per se but it seems almost inevitable. Monogamy is a mere concept created by humanity to preserve morals. But think about it, humans are basically animals and there are no rules in the animal kingdom.