eggs

A Miami man visited a doctor recently for what he assumed was a skin rash or a boil on the side of his face, but doctors surprised him by explaining that the lesion was actually a spider’s nest.

“When the patient came in, he thought he was just going to be getting the area lanced and cleaned,” said Dr. Emmett Brown of Miami-Dade Hospital Center. “As soon as he came into the ER, though, we sectioned him off and had to perform minor surgery immediately.”

This is not the first time that a Miami-area man has had spider eggs laid inside their body. In 2006, another man was complaining of an itchy spot on his leg, and doctors were forced to amputate from the knee down after they discovered a colony of more than 10,000 baby spiders had nested under his skin.

“Our patient was a lot more lucky. He will not lose any of the skin on his face, and we were able to contain and kill all of the spiders,” said Dr. Brown. “Basically, a pregnant spider must have been crawling on our patient’s face during the evening, and was able to lay her eggs in an opening when our young patient was suffering from severe acne. It’s a fluke, and rare, but something everyone should be aware of.”

Star NFL quarterback Tony Romo recently revealed some deep, dark secrets during a radio interview on the Jay Mohr Show, when on the topic of superstitions and pre-game rituals was brought up by the host.

When asked about his strange pre-game preparations and superstitions, Romo, 34, told Mohr that he goes through a regimen every game day and has kept the routine secret all his life, until now.

“This is really embarrassing. I’ve never told anyone this before, but – Well, the first thing I do when I wake up on a game day [at home] is throw a dozen raw eggs against the wall outside on my patio,” said Romo. “I’m serious, it feels great to do. Then I sit with a glass of orange juice, and watch as my housekeepers clean up the egg mess. I do feel bad about that part, but they make a great salary, and they’re used to it by now.”

Professional athletes have been doing strange things since the dawn of sports when it comes to pre-game superstitions. Michael Jordan recently told Sports Illustrated writer Carmine Sheckles that he urinated on a brand new pair of his shoes, which he would later go on to wear in that night’s game. In another oddball pre-game superstition ritual, former New Orleans Saints and Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams told Sports News Daily that he use to lick the carpet at home, or whatever hotel he was staying at, before walking out the door on the way to a game.

“I know it sounds weird, but maybe me coming out about my weird behaviors will help others who to know they are not alone in their weird behaviors,” continued Romo, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “Ok. So, the other thing is – well, every day since I was 5 or 6 years old, I have chewed on a Barbie doll while taking a shower. Something about the texture, or the type of plastic they use, I’m very addicted to. I keep them until they’re falling apart, then I throw the doll away and get a new one. God, it feels good to finally say that out loud.”

“It took a lot of guts to say what he said when he was on my show,” said Mohr, speaking of the interview the following day. “I estimate that the sales of Barbie dolls and eggs are going to go up dramatically among teens and young adults who want to be like their idol.”

Cable channel TLC has reportedly reached out to Romo in a request to appear on their documentary-series My Strange Addiction.

Soleil Moon Frye, the actress known to millions as 1980s TV moppet Punky Brewster, has decided to sell something very personal on eBay. No, it’s not those miss-matched sneakers from her starring role; The actress, now 37, recently put her eggs up for auction on eBay with a starting bid of $10.

“I was hoping the opening bid would be more than $100, said Frye, “but I understand. I don’t have the eggs of a 20-year-old anymore. If I was a younger actress, like Jennifer Lawrence or Shia La Beouf, I bet I’d be able to get maybe ten or eleven thousand per egg. It’s much like how Hollywood operates,” she added.

Comments left by bidders ranged from the curious to the confused. ebayBetsy100 wrote “I was a big fan of Punky Brewster when I was a kid. If I use one of your eggs, will my baby be abandoned by the father, like Punky was? That would be so unfair to the child, no matter who the father is.”

Probuyer77 wrote: “I hope I win the bid because I want my daughter to be a famous person (or son). Will you be a surroget [sic] mother or will I have to carry the child? I would pay extra if you were the birth mother if I win your egg.”

Several users were actually more surprised with the fact that you could sell your own eggs on eBay than they were that Frye was selling hers. “Wow, I could probably make a fortune selling my eggs,” said eBay user quickcash666. “I mean hell, I get new ones every month anyway. I didn’t know that was allowed on eBay, or is [Soleil] just allowed to because she was famous once three decades ago? Celebrities get all the luck.”

Frye hopes her auction will bring awareness to the problem of infertility. “I’ve always been a trend setter,” she said. “I’ve always been unique. I was the only kid named Soleil in my classes all throughout school. Even if I don’t make a lot of money from this auction, I hope I can bring awareness to people facing reproductive difficulties. I mean, I’ve got three kids, so I know my eggs work just fine, but if just one of my eggs can complete a family, that would be enough reward for me, even though the money would be a bonus.”

Frye may get her wish. After completing this interview with Empire News, the actress was contacted by Michelle Duggar, star of the reality series 19 Kids and Counting. “They offered me a spot on the show,” said an excited Frye. “This will bring the awareness I was talking about and get me back into my acting, so it’s a win-win! They even mentioned a spin-off show called Frye’d Eggs! Their show is very popular and the Duggars said if the auction doesn’t go as well as I hope it will, they will buy my eggs directly! I guess the only thing we didn’t discuss was if I’m going to be, like, the 20th kid and counting or not.”

The high bid for Frye’s eggs was $477.01 at the time of this story’s posting.