Karen: Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle... Angela: It would never work here. Karen: Okay...um, another idea was karaoke... Angela: No. Karen: A Christmas drinking game... Meredith: YES. Angela: God help you!

Angela: Sure. Let's protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that. Michael: Good.

Pam: It's hot in there. How's the naan? Angela: Dry. You look like you were having fun. Pam: I am. You should come dance with us. Angela: I have to watch our shoes, so they don't get stolen. Who were you texting? Pam: No one.

Kelly: Um, Diwali is awesome. And there's food, and there's gonna be dancing. And, oh, I got the raddest outfit. It has, um, sparkles- Michael: Kelly? Um, why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday? Kelly: Oh, um, I don't know. It's really old, I think. Angela: How many gods do you have? Kelly: Like hundreds, I think. Maybe more than that. Angela: And that blue busty gal? What's her story? Kevin: She looks like Pam from the neck down. Dwight: Pam wishes.

Angela: It's really happening! Dwight: Yes. Angela: We can make a difference here. Dwight: I will make a difference here. Angela: You? Alone? 'Cause I thought together we could ... Dwight: Oh, please, don't be naive. But you could be in charge of the women.

Follow The Office

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.