I’m not sure how I’m going to take this movie, one of the first TV shows I remember is the Black and White Lassie reruns. I grew up in the era of Benji, which wasn’t my thing. Give me Lassie, give me Rin Tin Tin, give me something beyond cute.

So, Pal is Lassie as Shep in The Painted Hills.

Should I look at this as a kid’s movie (a sometimes very dark kid’s movie) or a frontier movie? Take out the dog, and this story would not be out of place as a silent two-reeler. It is morality tale about the danger of greed and stars a dog and kid, so I think I have to lean towards kid’s movie.

Jonathan Harvey (played by Paul Kelly) has such artificial looking hair, like it is painted on his face rather than grown. And knowing he is an outdoorsman, the starched quality makes the look even more fake. There is such an unnatural quality about the color and sets in this movie anyway. The way I never thought those 60’s westerns like Bonanza and The Big Valley looked anything close to real.

Knowing Lassie is the big star, you can tell some shots are set up just to get the dog in.

There was an extend sequence after the mine building montage where we get a first look at Taylor’s burgeoning greed and paranoia. It at least explains Taylor’s willingness to attack Pilot Pete a bit better.

Lassie’s jump during the rock climbing sequence reminds me of the Dells.

Of the cowardly ways to kill someone, pushing them off a cliff is way up there. But Taylor is a man who is intimidated by a dog multiple times in this movie, so cowardly really fits. Seriously, he tries to threaten a dog and gets taken down by a collie. Not a ‘vicious’ dog, but a collie.

At least two people involved with this movie, Art (Pilot Pete) Smith and scriptwriter True Boardman, were blacklisted in the ‘50s. I wouldn’t have thought Lassie would work with Reds.

The amazing thing about Lassie/Pal, isn’t all the tricks and action he can do, but that he can play sick and weak. That dog is one heck of an actor.

Ann Doran, little Tommy’s mother, also was in Kitten with a Whip and was also a regular in Longstreet.

Isn’t having a dog dig up a dead body in front of a kid a bit twisted of a plot device?

Kids must have had more patience back then. There are two extend ‘silent’ sequences, Lassie poisoned and the final chase, which I can’t imagine the little ones I know sitting through.

I’d say Taylor’s guilt killed him, not Lassie. But who’s going to convict a dog? No one nowhere, not even Texas.

Watch ability: 3 of 5. Corny, but you could do worse for a kid movie. And the dog is amazing—carrying several scenes without any humans. Gets a little dark, what with the killing and poison, but overall not a bad film.

Missing the Riffs: 2 of 5. Now that I realize how ‘wordless’ many of the scenes are, I’m more impressed by the riffing on this one.

In the world of MST3K, there is one genre that always delivers more than expected: Spy Movies. My taste in spy movies generally tends towards Derek Flint not James Bond. Maybe I should not be surprised that I love the riffs the SOL can put down on these films. So much of the spy genre is perfect for riffing and parody, it is an undervalued player on the MST3K.

Gadgets, babes and elaborate plans complete with double and triple crosses, this is a by the books genre film. The theft of the ‘atomic nucleus’ is so over the top that anything is believable in this world. The worst part of this movie is not Neil Connery, but the fact they keep reminding you that Neil Connery is in this movie and his brother is you know who. The movie is just dripping with Bond movie vets (including M and Moneypenny) who keep talking about Dr. Connery’s brother. Yes, we get it.

And that is a shame. Take away the ‘real’ connection and make it a non-Connery in the lead, and this is a solid spy film. Yes it gets silly. Yes the girl sailors are something else. But it isn’t any sillier than a dozen other eurospy films I’ve seen.

Neil’s abilities aren’t traditional superspy talents, but with the team around him, they turn out to be effective. And I say his ability to get a bunch of blind men to revolt at a factory with, what, two or three sentences is his greatest power.

I never understood the whole get our missing agent’s brother/kid/sister/etc. plot device, I suppose this film should get credit for really committing to the bit.

The bits cut for the SOL didn’t really take too much away. The kidnapping of Yashuko takes a little longer, there is a bit more about the THANATOS plot and Beta’s own plans. We also spend a couple minutes more with Maya and Mildred, but nothing too important. The killing of Alpha of THANATOS was a nifty scene that had some good quipping, I wish it had made the SOL cut.

The blue archers are friends of the Neil. The whole operation is an amateur operation.

Watchability: 3 of 5. It may never be my first choice when it comes to the eurospy genre, but I can see watching it again. It is over the top in many places with all the things that make the genre. I was pleasantly surprised with how well the movie stood up.

Missing the Riffs: 3 of 5. While I prefer the SOL version, it is pretty close.

A first! Something not in the unriffed cut: A lot t of the mayor’s opening oration was cut so the funeral is shorter in this version. Another bit cut involves the killing of Zebulon Tabb and the mayor’s wife coming to the sheriff’s office. I understand wanting to make the movie shorter, but don’t take out actual plot points.

However: in searching for these movies is are so many alternate/rerelease/TV titles, I can’t get too bogged down in worrying about ‘official’ versions. Especially as elusive as some of the movies are proving to be.

And after saying that, I went and found a version with those missing 10 minutes. Internet, you be a cruel mistress. I don’t understand why movies get trimmed to have them make less sense.

One of the best credit sequences for any MST3K movie.

This is puts us 2/3rds of the way through Allison (Erica Paige) Hayes and Beverly (Rose Hood) Garland’s MST3K appearances. Beverly got a lot better make up than Allison did, that shade of red has never looked good. I get that Erica is a low rent Miss Kitty, but she’s really cheap looking in this film. I know Beverly Garland was never in the Genie/Bewitched question, but I’ve always thought she was pretty. She really could play tough and caring at the same time. Beverly was playing an undercover female cop in the 1950’s (Decoy, available thru public domain), like a female Jack Webb.

Ok, her husband is dead and she’s kissing another man 4 days later? Some of the creepiest banter in movie history in that light. Think these things through Cor-Man. Other than that, this is a decent plot.

I’m not, as a rule, a fan of westerns. I have seen a few with my uncle through the years, but I usually won’t pick that genre. This is the Western I know the best, and I’ve always had a soft spot for it.

Which dancing girls are worse: Gunslinger’s or The Incredibly Strange Creatures’?

I always thought a good anthology series would be adaptations of the movies of the Cor-Man. Most of his work is over long at 70 minutes, so trim it down and keep focus on the plot. His work is varied enough and prolific enough to keep it fresh.

Watchabilty: 3 of 5. I think it is a pretty good movie for a Western. Cor-man finds a way to screw up the effects in an effect-less movie (the amazing teleporting John Ireland!), but it is decent. I like Beverly, so that’s what keeps it from being a 2.

Missing the Riffs: 2 of 5. I enjoyed the movie for itself, but this is one of my favorite episodes. I know that’s a minority opinion, but I’ll watch it probably twice without the riffs, and untold scores with them. It is hard to put aside a personal top 10 episode.

I admit, I’m very biased towards this movie. I just love the 60’s dancing styles. Decent jazzy/surf rock underlying soundtrack. And unlike so many movies on MST3K, the pretty girls are actually pretty.

Jerry Warren is one of those underappreciated ‘anti-geniuses’ of BLC movies. Check out 1959’s Teenage Zombie, out in the public domain, and his ‘remake’ of it in 1981 called Frankenstein Island. Knowing he has made two movies worse than this one is amazing. He had no money and loved to use movie and stock footage in all his films. It is like he purposely tried to follow the style of Ed Wood and failed. He did have one ‘decent’ movie in him with The Incredible Petrified World, but I think more and more that was a mistake on his part.

Steve Brodie. The man worked a helluva lot. TV, movies. Like John Caradine, just cut the man a check and he’ll show up. Look up the IMBD pages for Batwoman (Katherine Victor) and Heathcliffe (Lloyd Nelson), impressive credits, not as actors, behind the scenes people. There were people who knew how a movie was made, unfortunately, the director wasn’t one of them.

The movie is barely an hour long, and there are all these dance sequences. Keeps us away from the dialogue.

Couldn’t even afford dials!

Rat Pfinks everywhere in the early 60’s.

A shot of Batwoman throwing her hands up in exasperation to end the movie was cut by the SOL crew. I’m right with you lady.

Watchability. 3 of 5. Actually a fun little movie. Great dancing, cute girls, absurd parody. I rewatched it twice in 12 hours that should say something.

Missing the Riffs: 3 of 5. There are going to be times I want to watch it on its own, and times I’ll want the SOL.