Episode #008: My Chemical Pregnancy: The Lesson I Learned

I find that I talk a bit more than usual when the topic is filled with emotion. This video has more emotion than some of the others…which means it got a little lengthy. Oops. You’ll notice I did my best to cut out any of the fluff in order to keep it at a manageable length. ALSO, there’s a quick note about episode post dates, which consumes the first 1:08 minutes. :] You can skip to the heart of it by going directly to the 1:08 mark if you’d like.

In This Episode:

[0:09] – The crucial mistake we made when trying for baby #2[0:53] – Today’s topic: charting your cycles[1:04] – Explaining the charting mini-series
[1:22] – Factors that may affect the validity of your temperatures
[2:09] – The standard pattern of a cycle[2:40] – What a typical chart looks like[3:29] – Tips for charting while night nursing and/or co-sleeping[4:07] – What an irregular follicular phase may mean[4:28] – What an irregular luteal phase may mean

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[0:00] Hey there, welcome to Mama in the Making. I’m Rochelle Serna and just a quick note before I begin today.

Obviously we’re in the car. Welcome to my car. Vincenzo’s asleep back there, you might be able to hear him snoring.

But I have been kind of been going back and forth between what to do; I really enjoy the regularly scheduled Monday content, um, and I also really like sharing my story because I think that—I know for me it’s fun to find other people kind of going through the same thing, so I like to put my story out there to help others find, you know, someone going through the same thing, and then also it’s brought some amazing support to me during this time.

So what I decided to do is Mondays are still going to be the the baby-making goodness regular, you know, regularly scheduled content, and then if I have anything about my baby making journey that I want to share I’m going to be posting that on Wednesdays.

So, there will sometimes be Wednesday episodes, sometimes not. Just depends on what’s going on on our end.

[1:08] So, this is my first official Wednesday episode and it is all about cycle number two.

So we tried last month and didn’t have any luck, although I’ve completely figured out why and will be sharing that in another episode so that you can help prevent what I did {big eyes oops face}, but then this month I got some pregnancy tests come back positive, pretty early, I was about 11 days past ovulation and 12 days past ovulation.

And we even ran out and bought a little t-shirt that said, you know, “I’m going to be a big brother” and we totally jumped on the train.

[1:47] That being said I didn’t feel 100 percent like my body with pregnant. Not like it did with Vincenzo, or even the month before when I wasn’t pregnant all. I was convinced it was, and this time I wasn’t sure.

And I don’t know if that’s because I was protecting my body because the next day right after I got those positive results I actually got my period.

So I found out really quickly—you know, at first I did think maybe it was something else. I had tested that morning and still got positive test results, but you know it didn’t seem like just a little bit of spotting, it was too late for implantation bleeding, and so I kinda figured out real quickly that something was going on.

There was a little bit of pain, more so than usual with my menstruation, and definitely some cramping and some other signs that led me to believe that I was having what is called a chemical pregnancy.

That’s when you get a very, very, very early miscarriage.

What my tiny baby taught me…

[2:50] I did have one major lesson, and I—that lesson for me was to let it suck.

I think that sometimes, you know, I try to cover things up with positivity.

We all want to be so happy all the time, we all wanna be—we want to feel happy. And I think sometimes that’s clouded by this idea that we have to be {act} happy to feel happy.

And I have no idea, this is totally just something {hands up in a curious surrender} that came to me with this experience of this super early miscarriage, but I don’t think that that’s the way to get to happiness.

I think that being happy comes from truly feeling that way, not the other way around—like be {act} really happy and then you’ll feel happy, because it kind of took, like, feeling crappy to get to the happy part.

[3:35] So, you know, for me it was a day of just being like, “this sucks.” You know I’m not gonna try to be like, “oh it’s okay it was so early” and, you know, “it was, it was meant to happen and everything’s fine!”

Like, no. I was like, “this is really sad” and, you know, I had events to go to that day, it was a weekend, and I had different parties to go to, and I didn’t like try to be super happy, I was quiet.

I let myself just be in that mood, and let it be ok. And it was so freeing because I never do that!

And I didn’t even realized that I never do that, but I never do that.

[4:14] So I let myself just kind of be in a crappy mood, and by the end of the day I truly felt grateful.

I was really, really grateful. Because I had gone from, like, “this is really crappy and I’m letting it be crappy”, to that—for me that was acceptance. I accepted the situation.

I accepted that it wasn’t ideal, and that it was sad, and then by the end of the day, like I said, it was like, “okay, I let that go,” I accepted it, I released that emotion of sadness, and then I just had gratefulness left. And true happiness. And it’s very strange, but by the end of the day I really was.

[4:51] I was happy because I was grateful that my body, you know, got pregnant. I was grateful that that baby, that soul, was around me for whatever the amount of time time, you know, before and if it’s still around now, and I was grateful that my body was protecting the baby already.

You know, my body figured out that, “hey something’s not right”. Something didn’t work out. There was a—you know, cells didn’t divide the right way, or this wasn’t the healthiest egg, or you know, whatever it was my body figured it out and it protected the baby.

[5:23] So for me I, I was able to make that transition, but I was only able to make it when I let it suck.

And so I guess for me the main lesson was that my path to truly accepting this, and to truly accepting things that sometimes aren’t ideal, I think, just might be letting them be crappy.

And then letting, naturally, the state of accepting that. Be like, “ok this was crappy. I’m human, it’s ok that I feel crappy. It’s totally fine! I don’t have to be positive right now.”

And then, when I free myself of those things, and those expectations I am able to move into a place where I can truly be happy—on the inside, and then let it come out on the outside.

[6:08] So if you’ve had an experience like this, or just need a hug because you’ve gone through this definitely let me know. I’ll be happy to give that hug via the internet, um, and so much love, sending it your way.

Rochelle Serna

I’m Rochelle — a mother of two, self-proclaimed non-tox-nut, dreamer and do-er that loves helping families find natural products for a healthier life. Thanks for stopping by! Learn More

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