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2016: The Worst Sports Year Ever

Big day. The Cincinnati Bengals head into yet another wild card playoff game. Marvin Lewis has lost six of these puppies already & the Pittsburgh Steelers seem to always have their number. But I dunno, for some reason I’m not feeling too bad about this. A.J. McCarron hasn’t failed in the playoffs yet. If Andy Dalton was in there I know he’d fail, but this is all new to A.J.. He doesn’t know what he doesn’t know, right?

Holy crap, the Bengals are in the lead! Burfict got the INT! FINALLY. PLAYOFF VICTORY FOR THE BENGALS! THE NARRATIVE HAS CHANGED! WE GOIN TO THE SHIP! All we got to do is run down the clock & we got this! VICTORY! IT’S A NEW DAY, YES IT IS!

Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Welp. This year’s not off to a good start.

February 5, 2016

Super Bowl’s coming up soon. Still kinda hard to watch the football after that debacle, but at least Jeremy’s team has a pretty good chance of winning it all. And if they don’t, Dustin’s least favorite team will, and I can laugh at him. More importantly than that, my Louisville Cardinals are kicking some ass in the college basketball! Got a big win over North Carolina on Monday night, yes sir. I’m really enjoying watching the team. We got Chinny Onuaku owning the boards, the transfer grads Lee & Lewis holding it down…watch out ACC! You don’t want none of these Cards! 18-4, 7-2 in the ACC, looking pretty good for the tournament, and our teams always turn it on at the end of the season!

Man, there’s just nothing better than college basketball season. Especially now that Louisville’s in the ACC. Great games every night, a dynamite ACC Tournament followed by March Madness. It’s the best time of the year!

Oh no.

Oh no.

Welp, there might be something to the whore’s claims. That ain’t good. 2016 really off to a bad start.

April 4, 2016

OPENING DAY! Sure, the Reds aren’t expected to be very good this year, but you never know! Maybe they’ll take some people by surprise! And they got the win today so they’re 1-0! FIRST PLACE WHAT ABOUT IT.

Reds’ April Record: 9-15

Reds’ record after May: 17-35

May 12, 2016

The Reds don’t seem to be very good, but I’d be lying if I was paying much attention. It’s been all about the Nashville Predators! They beat the #2 seed Anaheim Ducks in a great seven-game series and this series with the San Jose Sharks has been just as great! Game 4 was a three-overtime classic, Game 6 was another overtime win for the Preds & even though they haven’t won in San Jose yet I’m feeling like tonight is the night! Shea Weber won’t let the Preds lose this, I’m sure of it! He & Roman Josi will surely keep the Sharks under control enough to give Nashville a chance and extend the season yet another round. YEAH PREDS!

Welp. That got out of hand real quick.

August 18, 2016

Been kinda quiet lately with the Reds being absolutely terrible and giving me nothing to write about…though they have been better since the All-Star Break. Kevin Durant went to the Warriors, and that seems pretty lame, but at least it gives me less reason to care about the NBA since it’ll be so one-sided. My USB column about Eva Marie was a pretty big hit. I’m almost getting the urge to write about pro wrestling, it’s kinda weird. It’d be easy if I could just write about stuff like this Eva Marie storyline. It’s so great, and she’s so hot.

OH COME ON!

August 30, 2016

You know what? I’m almost at peace with 2016 sports. The Reds have actually looked a lot better since the All-Star Break and there’s some good pieces there for the future. The Preds traded for P.K. Subban and he’s already become my favorite hockey player ever so I’m really looking forward to that season starting. The Bengals’ first-string has looked incredibly good every preseason game. Louisville football starts up in a couple days and maybe they’ll beat Clemson or Florida State this year. I’ve also adopted a favorite EPL team in Tottenham Hotspur, and they haven’t lost yet! My fantasy football drafts seem to have gone well. Yeah, this year hasn’t been very good so far (and I haven’t even written about all the people that died or the wasteland that is the upcoming election), but it sure seems like things are finally turning around.

Hey, there’s Teddy Bridgewater! With all due respect to Dalton & McCarron, that’s my favorite QB. What kind of breaking news is there about him?

@NFL: Teddy Bridgewater suffers “significant” knee injury

@JayGlazer: Mike Zimmer says it doesn’t look good for Teddy Bridgewater to play this year. Got taken off field in ambulance. Not good