John W. Van de Kamp: Here's the latest from St. Patrick

Annapolis Neck resident John W. Van de Kamp is a retired Air Force colonel and former community member of the Capital Gazette editorial board. Contact him at johnvndkmp49@gmail.com.

Annapolis Neck resident John W. Van de Kamp is a retired Air Force colonel and former community member of the Capital Gazette editorial board. Contact him at johnvndkmp49@gmail.com.

John W. Van de Kamp

St. Patrick took time out of his busy schedule checking on the status of novenas and answering prayers of the faithful — Irish first, naturally — to sit down for a wide-ranging interview with this correspondent.

Even though the correspondent’s heritage is Dutch, the good saint noted that visiting Ireland was enough reason to agree to an interview, even though the correspondent rooted for Navy against his Notre Dame, his favorite team. He said he also loves “Touchdown Jesus” but would appreciate a slightly smaller portrait or statue there.

The holy man spoke about how he became the patron saint of the Emerald Isle, why he loves Notre Dame football and how Navy can court his heavenly favor. He also gave his evaluation of how St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated in the New World to which so many of his devotees fled, enriching our history and our culture -- fighting for freedom from Great Britain in George Washington's Army in the Revolutionary War, joining the Irish Brigade and other units of the Union Army to help preserve the nation during the Civil War, taking pride in John F. Kennedy’s election as president and giving their lives to save the innocent victims of 9/11.

The good saint said that he came to Ireland from England: “No, I’m not Irish by birth, but they took a liking to me there. The Druids were a tough bunch. Understand, it’s hard to make a change. The sun, moon and stars are tough rivals, but time and prayer, listening and working together, eventually helped them see the light. The sun, moon and stars can’t hold a birthday candle to redemption and eternal life, now can they?

“Somewhere along the line, they say I drove the snakes out of Ireland. I really can’t take credit for it. The Good Lord never allowed snakes to crawl ashore in Ireland. Whoever came up with that story must have just visited Blarney Castle and kissed the Blarney stone, as I know all you journalists do.

“And I would really appreciate it if Chet Gladchuk at Navy would pony up some money for a nice statue of me out there with Tecumseh. I can help those midshipmen with touchdowns. You already have the ‘Hail Mary’ pass; why not add a shamrock first down?”

“Now about St. Patrick’s Day in the United States. My people couldn’t afford beef in Ireland. When they came over to the new world, worked hard, saved a bit of money after working hard to support their families, they were able to eat something different. The Irish-Americans invented corned beef. Sure, they serve it in Ireland now. Tourists from America keep asking for it and, well, a good innkeeper has to keep his patrons happy.

“And where in the world did this green beer idea come from? The best beverage is a saintly dark brown color. All the other beers look best in their light golden color, as the sun’s rays filter through the windows of a pub on a fine spring afternoon.

“And for heaven’s sake, my saint’s day should be honored, not used as a day to drink too much. Sure, have a pint with your friends. Share good cheer. But don’t overdo it.

“But ahead of celebrating, start the day off right. Get out of bed a bit early, get the family together and go to Mass first. Begin with the Lord. That’s putting things in perspective. Celebrate with him first.

“Back in Ireland, I’m happy to see my people go to Mass, talk with the Lord, and come home for a nice meal with all the family, kinda like you share on Thanksgiving Day.

“And you can call heaven and speak directly to the Lord when you visit Ireland. It’s a local call — elsewhere in Europe, it’ll cost you a lot of euros.

“Many blessings to you and your readers at The Capital. I’ll listen for your intercessory prayers and see what I can do!”

Annapolis Neck resident John W. Van de Kamp is a retired Air Force colonel and former community member of the Capital Gazette editorial board. Contact him at johnvndkmp49@gmail.com.