5k Jagoffs

So yesterday we posted on Twitter and Facebook, asking folks to send in any Jagoff nominations from the Pittsburgh Marathon. We suspected, drivers who crossed the barricades, Peter Parkers who abandoned their cars or neighbors who had parties, drank/ate to much and passed out near the race course or Jagoffs that ran the race, drunk in a Batman Forever costume!

He sent us the photo above of a business along the race course who threw out some Jagoffery. Along with the pic, Doug wrote:

The creeps who posted protest signs along the route protesting the race, the runners and even the spectators. In addition to the three poster-board, hand drawn signs (including one that they had to white out a misspelling and all of which were removed and recycled so some good could come from them), were grease chalk written “slogans” on the sidewalks.

Hey, you know us, we like to make fun of just about anything. If someone was being silly with the sign above, so be it. Doesn’t sound like it though.

The Pittsburgh Marathon causes few headaches, of course, for some of us. On the other hand, the revenue and global recognition the the entire Western Pennsylvania region gets for this (especially since the Pens don’t have us on national TV at this point) is HUGE!

So to the Marathon-Martyrs… sit back, eat your donuts and 6-egg omelettes on Sunday morning, keep looking out your window for the steel industry AND the Pittsburgh Press to come back, clutch those unused tickets to the last Pirates Game at Three Rivers Stadium and keep calling talk shows and complaining at the local adult refreshment establishments about how it’s always a “Kenyan and never a Pittsburgher that wins the race” and how all “these foreigners” coming to Pittsburgh to work as engineers, scientists, etc. are ruining our town!

In the meantime, the rest of us are gonna make sure this area grows and stays more progressive than the “new” KISS 8-track tapes you just got at the local flea market (that you couldn’t get to because of the Marathon) Ya Jagoffs!

Thanks to Doug Graham for the post idea and to Becky P for her Facebook comment. Both, are Honorary Jagoff Catchers and we’re proud of them.

It’s October and that means its Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So we headed to the Charlotte, North Carolina “Race for the Cure.” The trip was worthwhile in that we were part of about 18,000 people raising over $1 million for breast cancer research! Here’s a 3-pic summary of the race: Picture #1 we marked our territory on Bank of America Stadium, home of the Carolina Panthers. #2 an obvious HUGE number of spectators that turned out #3 a campaign sign-holder Jagoff SHAMELESSLY promoting their candidate while most of us are ready to pass out (he’s completely unaware of our shirt).

And now to the parked car at the top. Shortly after I rounded the corner on Summit Street, there was the Jagoff Holy Grail, something that just made this a “business trip,” – a person that took about .000084 seconds to park their car. Because pointing out Jagoffs is our civic duty and not just a hobby, I broke off of my blazing 13-minute mile pace to stop, turn around, and take the pic (the guy running right behind me with a stroller was none too happy with my quick-stop-photo-op. If he submits me as a 5K Jagoff, we would be obligated to make the post but I doubt he knows what a Jagoff is!)

Maybe this Charlotte-Parker had a good excuse for the back of their car being almost 3 feet from the curb — like, maybe they were coming home from a late night binge, suddenly saw thousands of people running at them and freaked out and quickly ditched into the first spot they saw. Or maybe they actually had a side-car attached to the vehicle when they parked and then someone stoll the sidecar!! (See, we give everyone the benefit of doubt.)

Back to this being the start of Breast Cancer Awareness Month – we have THIS to say: Pittsburgh’s Race For The Cure gets about 30,000 people on Mother’s Day (be sure you regsiter) and breast cancer now has a greater than 90% survival rate sooooooooo, HEY BREAST CANCER, we’re closing in on you, YA JAGOFF!!!

NOTE: Thanks to all in Charlotte – Family, event organizers, spectators, sponsors AND ESPECIALLY the Parking Jagoff on Summit for making the trip worthwhile!!!

Happy Labor Day! (And we mean that DESPITE what you might think from this earlier post about the Verizon Strikers!)

Today’s post is going to sound like one of those “5:30am Breaking News on TV” stories. You know, “We are live in front of the scene. We are told that there has been an incident here but details are scarce so we will be back to you with more information in the next half hour as soon as we can find someone to talk to. Reporting live and EXCLUSIVELY…”

You see, we don’t remember the guys name for this and we failed to obtain a picture of him because we couldn’t figure out where he was standing and talking on the microphone!!!!

The 23rd Annual Steelers/Gatorade 5K was yesterday. It was a fun run as all of the previous years. And it benefits the Art Rooney Scholarship Foundation – a great cause. BUT……………..

For some reason, those organizing this event moved the start of this year’s race from the previous location, the 4-lane road around Heinz Field, to the Gateway Clipper landing area next to Heinz Field. Get the picture? They moved the start of the 5k race, with about 8,000 registrants, from a 4-lane street that runs the entire side of Heinz Field to a river-side slab of concrete that’s about the same square footage as a downtown bus shelter!

Enter our man, the Race Director who kept yelling at people over the microphone as he was trying to stagger the start of the race, “Step back from the start line! All you’re doing is crowding and making it worse!” “Everybody will get their turn” “We will be starting the race in corrals!” “People, you’re going to have to wait your turn!!!!” “Remember, if you want to pass someone, pass on the RIGHT!”

WHAT? Yep, he said “pass on the right” AND a bunch of OTHER stupid berating things to the thousands that paid $25 to come and enjoy what USED to be a fun event!

After the race, we figured out who this guys was. He’s the RACE DIRECTOR. Even more, he looks just like our high school gym teacher that we used to hate – grey crew cut, fu manchu mustache, old-guy muscles and that I’m-gonna-put-a-whoopin-on-ya look in his eyes. Not one molecule of “customer service” in him!!!!!!

Hey, Mr. No-Name-and-No-Picture-But-That’s-Our-Fault-Ex-Gym-Teacher-Race-Director, we almost failed gym with a guy like you but we did pass math class. Thanks to that math class we have one up on you when it comes to ‘ciphering “people per square foot!”

But without acting TOO snooty with our high school algorithims and stuff, we have one little common sense tip for next year so that you won’t have to yell and scream stupid stuff on your microphone every 5 minutes for a solid half-hour scolding a hot-sticky-ready-to-run crowd: START THE RACE IN AN AREA THAT ACTUALLY HOLDS 8,000 PEOPLE, YA JAGOFF!!!

AUTHOR’S NOTE: We’re glad that we write this thing anonymously cuz, if old Mr. No-Name-and-No-Picture-Ex-Gym-Teacher Race Director finds us, he’d probably make us run 30 laps as punishment!