Results for "jesus"

In news that's sure to be the talk of the galaxy, Pope Francis (seen here looking suspiciously like an aged Fonzie) has announced he would baptize aliens if they asked for it. But only if they asked for it. Me? I'm going to find and blow up their home world whether they ask ... / Continue →

This is the $500 Miracle Machine, a countertop winemaker that produces wine from water, grape concentrate and yeast in about three days. You just pick the style of wine you want to make, add the appropriate grape concentrates and yeast (available from the Miracle Machine onlin... / Continue →

Happy holidays! I hope everyone is having a wonderful time with friends and family or calling around town to find the one bar that's already open. I'll be around for the next week writing a little when I can and fielding questions from my aunts about why I haven't settled dow... / Continue →

Despite the number one rule of drinking being never talk religion or politics, several churches across the country are starting to hold beer-friendly services. Some are held in actual churches, and others, well, others are held right at the bar. You there, altar boy -- fetch ... / Continue →

Apparently an old lady in Spain took it upon herself to repair a valuable fresco of Jesus in a neighboring church. *eyeballing picture* AHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHA! No word who ever told the old coot she had a lick of talent, but I think we can all agree they're the real criminal her... / Continue →

Is that a 'life back' guarantee?
That's right folks, ten days to Judgement Day. That's the highest you can count on two hands provided you weren't born with extra digits (I have a half-pinky so I can round-up to eleven!). Apparently some religious zealots have unraveled th... / Continue →

Yes, that's really my local liquor store. Yes, they really open at six every morning. Yes, I've been there when they unlock the door. HAAAAAAAAPPY HOLIDAYS!! Hope you're all having a great break and haven't sleighed(!!!!!!!!11) any relatives yet. I came close to braining a... / Continue →

Some moron decided it would be a good idea to attempt stealing holy gas from a church van. Only problem is, Jesus wasn't having it. BURN HEATHEN, BUUUUURN!
Blake King, 24, was reported in stable condition Wednesday in Vanderbilt University Hospital's Burn Center.
Evansvill... / Continue →

This is a Starship Enterprise car emblem in the style of the 'Jesus Fish', 'Darwin Walking Fish', 'Dino Eating the Jesus Fish' and 'Sci-Fi' car emblems. They cost $8 from ThinkGeek and look great on a Prius. But that's it. Don't bother buying one if you drive anything else, ... / Continue →

God, apparently pissed that Jesus forgot to take out the trash (read: sinners), got so upset he lightning-bolted one of Jesus' statues ablaze. Now that's some tough love. Unconditional, but tough.
The "King of Kings" statue, one of southwest Ohio's most familiar landmarks, h... / Continue →

Okay, so maybe it's not actually Jesus. Maybe it's just the face of a hobo. Hey -- hobos have faces too you know. And you know what else they have? A stench that'll singe your nose hairs. But they don't have souls, which is why it's okay to nudge them with your car if they... / Continue →

This a computer model of Jesus' face using information from the blood on the Shroud of Turin to create the image. He looks like somebody I know.
The image has been created for the History Channel's upcoming special, "The Real Face of Jesus," which is set to air next week.
... / Continue →

No, your life is not Twilight, your life is f***ed up and I'm calling the animal police.
My Life Is Twilight
Thanks to vreaker, who got hit by a guy on a moped trying to cross the street to buy beer. YLIG.... / Continue →

Listen, I don't know much about guns except for the fact that mine just ripped through my Snuggie's sleeves again, but apparently the US military is pissed after discovering some of the high-powered scopes used on military-issued rifles contain codes to passages in the Bible.
... / Continue →

Youtube user TotemX went and made a flipbook starring Super Mario Jesus. Basically SMJ jumps off the cross and proceeds to stomp the hell(!) out of some goombas, tear Bowser in half, and then punt the princess like a football. Which....I'm not entirely sure is what the real ... / Continue →

WARNING: NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW
This is the highly, highly, HIGHLY NSFW music video for the Flair's 'Truckers Delight'. I can't even begin to describe to you how dirty I felt after watching it. Unless you've ever swam in pig shit and then showered in vomit afterward. In which c... / Continue →

Listen, I'm not here to tell you to follow Jesus or smoke buddha or whatever, I'm just here to report the things I see and maybe make a couple drug connections in the process. And this is a 'dinosaur eating the Jesus fish' car decal. Love it or hate it, you've got to admit it... / Continue →

First of all, we're not going there. I just thought this would be a good time to open up a discussion about what sort of dinosaur mount you think Jesus will ride into battle against the robots. My guess is a supersweet t-rex/raptor hybrid God made just for him. That can fly.... / Continue →