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J 5 years agofrom East Coast Canada

Yes. Sadly some have a more carnal knowledge of things than need be sometimes. For those I wish for good support and acceptance.

Author

Randy Behavior 5 years agofrom Near the Ocean

I suppose children put in grown up predicaments think differently than happy carefree children.

J 5 years agofrom East Coast Canada

I read this, then listened. The singsong tone puts the reader back at a time of when innocence should exist, the narrator a child, the writer a woman. The mature and logic thoughts being spoken by a child gives this a realness otherwise just unreachable through written word alone. Beautifully done.

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Randy Behavior 5 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thanks Ryan; I'm glad you approve.

Ryan McGill 5 years agofrom Omaha, NE

Very nice. Nothing sacrificed in the telling, just rightly written to be compelling. I'll have to run through it a thousand more times to get it all; I like them that way.

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thanks for the comment Cheeky Girl.

Cassandra Mantis 6 years agofrom UK and Nerujenia

Beautiful poem, I love your writing. :)

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Hi Doug. What really helped me was an old video of a guy doing a spoof on poetry reading. His poetry sucked and it was hilarious and the audience loved him. I figure even if I suck, people will still be entertained. And if they throw tomatoes... I'll make a salad.

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Luke that's all good. I'm glad you approve, and thanks for the lesson and sharing your form. I'll find you on FB. You won't recognize me of course... I have a head and everything.

Doug Turner Jr. 6 years ago

Like my boy Rider mentioned, hearing it read out loud brings an extra delight. This one is so playful at times, yet carries behind the words a sense of adult understanding about the real world. You're good at this reading aloud thing, and seem to be enjoying yourself.

Luke Prater 6 years ago

Hi Randy - your Octain is great!

It matters not how long I stare

Devoted whole this block of time

I can’t persuade these words to rhyme

So generous, this toy to share

A vexing swarm for me his form

No pleasing scheme can I ensnare

A limp attempt, befuddled crime

I’m hatters now, so long I stare

rock! can I post it on a thread i have on Facebook with all Octain written to date (there were about 70 before OSP Form Monday started). You retain full copyright. It's just nice seeing them all in on place. I can send you the thread via email, or if you have a FB account, friend me (it's on my sidebar) and I'll tag you in the thread. I'll put your blog address beneath also.

Hit me back

Cheers , Luke

Author

Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thanks for the encouragement Saddle! I think I will include voice. Maybe go back and add it to others too...

saddlerider1 6 years ago

I have come back to listen to your dramatic rendition of this beautifully written and felt poem. It's amazing how we feel what we write and hold it back and it rest's in our soul, shouting to be released to the world.

By being able to read it aloud with the just right tone and bring it to life for our readers to enjoy is an extra delight. I am so pleased to listen to you again, please continue to share each poem you write in this manner, wow...what a gift. I am humbled. Hugs

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Potluck you say.... what ever shall I bring?

Jingle poetry 6 years ago

well expressed.

Glad to discover your poetry talent,

Impressed,

Hope to see you join our poetry potluck today,

1 to 3 random poems or poems unrelated to our theme are welcome in case you fall short in doing a theme fitting piece.

Bless you.

Keep up the excellence.

xxx

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thanks for coming by and commenting shan.

Thank you angela for such a dear comment.

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thank you for reading me ayala. Mmmmm sorry 'bout your heart though.

Kerry all's well that ends well, and all that.

Kerry thanks for coming by my hub and leaving such a nice comment.

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Brian thank you for your comment and opening up a new world of poets to me.

Sorry Glynn... don't think anyone has said I walloped them before.

Gautami tripathy I'm glad it caught you up. Thanks for the comment.

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thank you jaytale. I'd love you to read more of me.

Hi Kodjo Deynoo. I like writing on a roll. I call it "in the flow." I love to be there.

Thank you Tino. I'm glad you could feel my emotions.

angela 6 years ago

what a riveting write...I'm in awe of your words, your telling of this..amazing talent, but more so, amazing human spirit to share with us.. thank you ~

shan 6 years ago

Excellent use of words and emotion to convey your message Randy thanks for sharing

Karla 6 years ago

Beautiful. The imagery of innocence juxtaposed with a horrible reality is well-done and emotionally wrenching. Thank you for sharing!

Kerry 6 years ago

Wickedness comes in many guises, but the wicked parent is its most evil incarnation... There can be no greater betrayal.

enchanted, yeah me too. this is incredible verse...delightful word play and stirs thoughts of childhood with a deft spoon...well played RB

Tino 6 years ago

This really played with my emotions. Laughing at bathtime, the anticipation of punishment to come, the deep sorrow of scars for any child.

Awesome piece, so glad you shared it.

Kodjo Deynoo 6 years ago

I like reading a poem, where you start and you can't stop reading, because the writer could not stop writing. I can tell you were on a roll here and indeed it was a beautiful read

jaytale 6 years ago

Great poem. Gripped me to the last line. Look forward to reading more.

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Hi Reflections. Thanks for coming by and commenting. The woman in this poem was to be my third Mom. Third times the charm. Some thirty plus years later and she's coming to brunch tomorrow.

Reflections 6 years ago

Wow... this is so deep, tears flow in admission of true understanding... a beautiful share of an enormously special moment.

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thank you Claudia. This is the only poem I've ever read in front of an audience. Even though I didn't win, the tears in the audience were reward enough.

Claudia 6 years ago

this moved me to tears randy..excellent write

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Oh shoot, I see that you did. Nice comment too. In fact it was that comment that prompted me to rewrite fuzzy slippers after I accidentally deleted it.

Doug Turner Jr. 6 years ago

Glad you recommended this one. I checked it out before but enjoyed it just as much this time around. Nice subtleties: "urge to flinch is strong" -- says so much about the situation in a few words. Rock and roll.

Author

Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thanks Arb. Its funny how these memories come up so clear with colors and textures, full of live emotion until I write them down. Then they fade back to inconsequential.

arb 6 years agofrom oregon

Emotion wrestling with memories, squeezing forgotten and unforgotten until married in an ink that births the poem. Very nice Randy. I shall read some more!

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

586! not bad for a wannabe.

epigramman 6 years ago

.....I need to take another bath in these words - and get that literary grime out between my ears ......as a wannabe writer here at Hublululand!

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Randy Behavior 6 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Doug your comment completely makes my evening. Earlier I wrote 6 stanzas of a poem from this time period in my life and accidentally erased it. Didn't have the drive to rewrite the damn thing, but now I think I will. Thanks. p.s. if you want to know me ask away I'm never shy on paper... so to speak.

Doug Turner Jr. 6 years ago

I was honestly reading this and thinking "This should be published somewhere. SHE should be published somewhere." And then I learned that it has been published. Well, this one certainly deserves to be. It does what good poetry should: engrosses, entertains, challenges and inspires. I don't know much about you -- other than you live by the ocean and own a pretty sweet belt -- and I don't need to know much about you. Your poetry does the work for you. Great write. I'm a fan. Cheers.

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Yes He does.

davidseeger 7 years agofrom Bethany, OK

God love you.

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thanks for your comment Saddlerider. It turns out quite a few can relate to my rocky childhood. I totally related to Mommy Dearest when I saw it and even Sleeping with the Enemy. I think it is the fear that is so familiar. I'm glad this piece connected with you.

saddlerider1 7 years ago

What a masterpiece, I hung on each word and felt the pain of you at that moment in time, what must have been going through your mind. What is going to happen to me? the brush on my back. I know of such thoughts, I had them in my youth and the abuse still appeared in it's ugliness. This reads like something right our of Mommy Dearest:0( Thanks for the share, enjoyed your words, I was mesmerized from the start.

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thanks for your comment MFB. Like some many children I didn't know that my up brining by this woman was anything but "normal" till after, of course.

MFB III 7 years agofrom United States

oh, the hidden secrets of a mothers rage upon frail flesh, cotton weaves cover the twisted acts of abuse, until innocent eyes reveal the horror of the hairbrush that does not offer beauty and style but pain, superb write randy.~~~MFB III

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thank you Tom, and thanks for your help with it.

Tom Rubenoff 7 years agofrom United States

The subtle shifts of focus between you and your sister in the poem are most artful and effective. Thank you for sharing this moving poem.

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Michael thank you for the lovely comment; I don't think I've stunned anyone before. Some of my writing is shear silliness though. Have a look see.

Greetings Tony. If anyone can relate, I am happy. If it is universal, even better.

love and light

Tony McGregor 7 years agofrom South Africa

What can I add to the comments? Nothing really this poem is simply awesome. So personal and yet, perhaps because of that, so universal too! Well done.

Love and peace

Tony

Michael Ray King 7 years agofrom Palm Coast, Florida

Incredibly well written. I am stunned. Strong, impassioned writing will have that effect a person...

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Epigramman- :)

Cris- Yes this one did. I wrote with a pic axe and shovel.

Cris A 7 years agofrom Manila, Philippines

This is just plain great! SOmething tells me this comes from a very deep place. Thanks for sharing this gem of a poem :D

epigramman 7 years ago

wow I would like to take a 'bath' in your randy behavior of poetic invention and overall hub magnificence!

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Wow, how sweet; you charmer you.

epigramman 7 years ago

A new language of poetry has just been invented and words are better off because of it.

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Yeah, I didn't give myself a chance. As I wrote I didn't understand; I understood. I can be a bit impatient with myself.

lxxy 7 years agofrom Beneath, Between, Beyond

See, you figured it all out on your own (or with Google.)! You're welcome. =)

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Ixxy your comment is a riddle to me, dead tree format? Ahhh, do you mean paper? :) Well thanks.

lxxy 7 years agofrom Beneath, Between, Beyond

This is such a wonderful poem to be your debut dead tree format unveiling!

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thanks LeonJane! Yes if the internet blows up with all my poems at least one will be preserved :)

LeonJane 7 years agofrom Australia

Brilliant! and well done for being published in ink.

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Hi Little Whistle! I'm the poster girl for renewal, lol.

Well hello Dohn. Glad you like this one... I'm new to this rating thing.

dohn121 7 years agofrom Hudson Valley, New York

You drew me, Randy B just like you always do. I loved the sentimentality of this poem. The nostalgia is palpable to say the least. I rated it beautiful and awesome.

LittleWhistle 7 years ago

I am speechless. This is innocence lost and perhaps renewed. Thank you RB!

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thank you Nikki and nice to meet you.

Nikki Wicked 7 years agofrom Louisiana

wow! awesome poem.

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Randy Behavior 7 years agofrom Near the Ocean

Thanks ladies! Imagine how nerve racking it was to have this poem for my first live read.

Pam Roberson 7 years agofrom Virginia

Yes this is magnificent. So many intense emotions beautifully and painfully displayed. Thank you.

Nancy Hinchliff 7 years agofrom Essex Junction, Vermont

OMG, fabulous. I was completely mesmerized, even though I had encountered this before in another shape...very close, but not as well sculpted. Thanks for sharing something so personal.