Tuesday, August 14, 2012

私鉄沿線 ー 野口五郎

Perhaps you have missed Goro Noguchi. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaave.

Along a Private Railway Line - Goro Noguchi

There you were by the exit
always waiting for me
I loved getting off the train
and looking for you
I locked the sadness in my heart
and the flowers at the flower shop changed.
Won't you please have some hot coffee with me
once more in my part of town?
Someone there asked, [1]
"How are you doing?"

I write about you on the message board [2]
and go home
Perhaps if I search my memories
It'll be as if you've returned to this part of town [3]
I guess our love is over? [4]
The season has also changed.
When you visited
you were always cleaning my room [5]
I don't know either
"How are you doing?"

The lights will probably come on soon
in this district busy with shoppers
Today I'm going to avoid the crowd again
and just go home, all alone
Unable to leave this town [6]
I await your return

Notes:

[1] I changed this line out of passive voice and added the "someone" subject. In a way it's better because it preserves the vagueness of who is being asked? Maybe it's not vague to a native speaker. Well.

[2] UPDATE: YOU GUYS, I SAW THIS MOVIE, AND IN THIS MOVIE THERE ARE ACTUAL MESSAGE BOARDS, CHALK BOARDS, OUTSIDE TRAIN STATIONS THAT YOU CAN LEAVE MESSAGES ON. The second I saw it I was like WHOOOAAAAA. Original Note: Yeah sorry, I dunno what else to say here. Anyone know what this is actually referring to in 1975?

[3] Pretty pleased with myself for changing the tense of 来る. This is more natural English, right?

[4] T_T

[5] Feel like I smoothed this out a little bit in a good way? Also, wow this line lol Can't tell if I should find it cute or what.

[6] Out of the various ways this could have gone I felt like this sort of blunt way seemed the best translation. I dunno. I thought about going more dramatic with "unable to escape" but I don't think that nuance is in the original really? I'm not entirely sure I got it right to begin with, but it does make sense in context....