I went to see my doctor this morning."How can I help you?" she asked."I found a lump while I was in the bath," I replied, pointing downwards."Oh right," she said, "Take your trousers down for me."After having a good old feel of my bollocks for a few minutes, she said, "I can't feel a lump."I said, "It's on my toe."

I went to see my doctor this morning."How can I help you?" she asked."I found a lump while I was in the bath," I replied, pointing downwards."Oh right," she said, "Take your trousers down for me."After having a good old feel of my bollocks for a few minutes, she said, "I can't feel a lump."I said, "It's on my toe."

I went to see my doctor this morning."How can I help you?" she asked."I found a lump while I was in the bath," I replied, pointing downwards."Oh right," she said, "Take your trousers down for me."After having a good old feel of my bollocks for a few minutes, she said, "I can't feel a lump."I said, "It's on my toe."

I went to see my doctor this morning."How can I help you?" she asked."I found a lump while I was in the bath," I replied, pointing downwards."Oh right," she said, "Take your trousers down for me."After having a good old feel of my bollocks for a few minutes, she said, "I can't feel a lump."I said, "It's on my toe."

Four old retired guys are walking down Queens street in Morecambe....... They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 pence." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,"Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be,gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a Beer with a whiskey chaser . In no time the bartender serves up four beers & whiskey chasers - andsays, "That'll be 20 pence each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 20 pence finish their drinks and order another round. Again, four excellent cool beers 7 chasers are produced, with the bartender again > saying, "That's 20 pence, please." They pay the 20 pence, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two beers with chasers and haven't even spent a Quid yet Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve beers with chasers as good as these for a few pence apiece?" "I'm a retired tailor from Preston ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for £125 million anddecided to come to the seaside & open this place. Every drink costs 10 pence . Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of themsip at their Drinks, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says,

"They're retired people from Yorkshire They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."