When celebrities have something to say they talk to Oprah. And it sounds like Lance Armstrong has something to say. The disgraced cycling hero, who last year was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles and banned from cycling after a report documented in detail his alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs (a charge he's repeatedly denied), is going to appear on Oprah's Next Chapter on January 17 on OWN. This comes after a report in The New York Times last week cited an anonymous source who said that Armstrong was considering revealing a history of doping. And the description of Armstrong's appearance on the Next Chapter website says, "Armstrong will address the alleged doping scandal, years of accusations of cheating, and charges of lying about the use of performance-enhancing drugs throughout his storied cycling career."
We have no idea what Armstrong will say, but we are certain that he will face some pretty tough questions. Still, it'll take a lot for his sitdown to rank among our picks for Oprah's 10 Most Awkward Interviews Ever. This is a list full of ugly crying, couch jumping, mic painting, and not one but two appearances from Elizabeth Taylor.
10. Mary Tyler Moore (1997)
It's putting it very mildly to say that Oprah Winfrey is a fan of Mary Tyler Moore. Actually, in a surprise 1997 interview with the comedy pioneer, she revealed that she'd pretty much patterned her life on that of Mary Richards, MTM's alter ego on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. It's impressive that Oprah was able to recover from the following tear-soaked hysterics upon first seeing Moore to even speak coherently.
9. Barbra Streisand (2003)
Mind you, Streisand's interview didn't have to be awkward. But it very quickly became just that after Oprah realized that Babs had spray-painted one of Harpo's microphones white so that it could match her ensemble. The stuff Kathy Griffin parodies are made of.
8. Mackenzie Phillips (2009)
In which the American Graffiti star reveals she had a years-long incestuous relationship with her father, Mamas and the Papas' singer John Phillips.
NEXT: Oprah stages a public reconciliation with an author who refused her Book Club and the interview she called "the hardest of my career" 7. Jonathan Franzen (2010)
In 2001, Oprah extended an offer to author Jonathan Franzen to appear on her Book Club to promote his National Book Award-winning novel, The Corrections. What happened next is still unclear: Franzen appeared to refuse the honor. So Oprah withdrew her invitation. Nine years later, Franzen and Winfrey publicly made up on-air during the final season of her show.
6. Whitney Houston (2009)
Everyone talks about Houston's infamous "Crack is Whack" interview with Diane Sawyer in 2002. But even more disturbing was her 2009 chat with Oprah, in which she put on a none-too-convincing facade of normalcy. Though Houston spoke candidly about her struggle with addiction, she blamed her history of drug abuse on her marriage to Bobby Brown and acted like she was completely sober. Seen in hindsight through the prism of her tragic death, her last major interview is a portrait of the point when addiction becomes its most dangerous: when its hidden.
5. Elizabeth Taylor (1988)
In a segment on her 25th anniversary DVD box set, Oprah says Liz told her right before the start of the interview that she would not answer any questions about her personal life and, instead, only wished to discuss her perfume line, White Diamonds. No wonder Oprah herself called it "the hardest interview of my career." However, it wouldn't be the last time she would cross paths with Taylor...
4. Michael Jackson (1993)
Oprah didn't hold back when she sat down with the King of Pop at the Neverland Ranch. After questions about his changing appearance and lightening skin tone, she asked, "Are you a virgin?" MJ replied, "How can you ask me that? I'm a gentleman!" To make things even more uncomfortable, Oprah's "hardest interview ever," Elizabeth Taylor, popped up unexpectedly, ambushed the interview, and deflected some of the more difficult questions on Jackson's behalf.
NEXT: The hardest-hitting interview Oprah ever conducted is also her most awkward. 3. Jay Leno (2010)
If it weren't for the No. 1 pick on this list, we'd say Oprah's one-on-one with Jay Leno, following his return to The Tonight Show in 2010 after Conan O'Brien's ouster, is the hardest-hitting interview she's ever conducted. (The interview subject in the No. 2 slot brought about the awkwardness entirely on his own.) She point-blank asked Leno if he thought he'd been selfish ("I've asked myself that," he said) and if he thought he'd "robbed Conan of his dream." It was all the more awkward because in every previous encounter on her show, Oprah and Jay came across like best buds — he even wheeled out her birthday cake during her 50th birthday celebration! The most squirm-inducing moment, however, came when Oprah revealed the results of an oprah.com poll in which 98% said Leno was at fault for the failure of Conan's Tonight Show.
2.Tom Cruise (2005)
It was the couch-jump seen across the world. Tom Cruise so could not contain his newfound love for Katie Holmes that he played a grown-up version of Jack B. Nimble on nationwide television.
1. James Frey (2006)
This wasn't an interview. This was a massacre. After it was revealed that Frey's memoir A Million Little Pieces wasn't a memoir at all, and that Frey had fictionalized key episodes in the supposedly confessional account of his struggle with substance abuse, Oprah brought the Book Club author back on her show for a brutal Round 2. She said she felt "betrayed," then proceeded to rip him a new one for the next hour. When it was all said and done, it was our frayed nerves that were in a million little pieces.
You got an opinion! You got an opinion! Everybody's got an opinion! Sound off about our picks in the comments below.
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Harpo]
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As Robert Duvall once taught us, the role of godfather is "a very close, a very sacred religious relationship." This does not not only hold true for the Italian-American mafiosi to which Duvall was referring at the time, but for each and all who embrace the tradition. There is no greater honor — no Pulitzer Prize, med school diploma, or rare World's Greatest Mime accolade from Sheboygan, Wisc.'s impossibly selective street theater community (it's all politics now, anyway) — than being named godparent to the child of a close friend or relative. Adding to the list of things that make even their own reflections jealous, The Huffington Post reports that Beyoncé Knowles and Jay-Z have been handed the godparent titles for the unborn baby of friends Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. While the hearts of fans might be warmed by this news, those wary of what peril might unfurl when a dynasty becomes too powerful are probably reopening their unused apocalypse survival shelters right about now.
But we can worry about the human race's doom at the hands of this ever-growing nucleus of might later. Our main focus now is how cool it is that Beyoncé and Jay-Z are going to be kodparents (that's actually the legal term when it comes to a Kardashian baby) to this highly anticipated human. They'll have a lot to work with when it comes time to set their new titles into action: they've got creativity, entrepreneurial genius, the pipes for party-stopping birthday serenades, a steady supply of Nets tickets. But do the Carters top the list of the greatest godparents Hollywood has seen to date? They do have some formidable competition...
Johnny Depp
Godfather to: Billy-Ray Burton, son of Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter
How Does He Fare? Knowing that your godfather is the guy who married a zombie, tortured children in his chocolate factory, killed Anthony Michael Hall with his bladed phalanges, and destroyed a Lewis Carroll classic (all with the help of your father, no less) is sure to give a kid some nightmares.
Lady Gaga
Godmother to: Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John, son of Elton John and David Furnish
How Does She Fare? Homemade meat dresses and egg shelters are not necessarily the sort of birthday gifts a kid might want to receive year after year, but the whole "be yourself" attitude is a self-esteem bonus.
Bono
Godfather to: Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, twins of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
How Does He Fare? Hopefully, he's not the one teaching the kids math. Fourteen does not come right after three, in any language!
Hugh Jackman
Godfather to: Chloe and Grace Helen Murdoch, daughters of Rupert and Wendi Deng Murdoch
How Does He Fare? Oh, you mean the guy who's handsome, charming, and perfect in every way? Yeah, he'll do.
Nicole Kidman
Godmother to: Also Chloe and Grace Helen Murdoch (still daughters of Rupert and Wendi Deng Murdoch)
How Does She Fare? She's no Jackman, but then again, who is? Kidman's a winner nonetheless.
Jennifer Aniston
Godmother to: Coco Arquette, daughter of Courteney Cox and David Arquette
How Does She Fare? Who cares? We're all too happy that Monica and Rachel are still best friends to worry about Aniston's real-life abilities.
Steven Spielberg
Godfather to: Drew Barrymore, self of Drew Barrymore
How Does He Fare? Spielberg's first interaction with his goddaughter launched her into a world of alien life forms, gun-wielding government agents, and near-death experiences... but the magic!
James Brown
Godfather to: Soul
How Does He Fare? I think we can all give him due credit for this one.
[Photo Credit: Christopher Polk/Getty Images]

The hardest part of saying you're sorry is admitting you were wrong. So I'll say this right now: Winston/actor Lamorne Morris who plays him, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've doubted you for so long. I'm sorry the New Girl writers haven't known what to do with you since you took over for Coach (Damon Wayans Jr.) after he got freaked out by Nick and had to go live with a different group of white people. I'm sorry it took this long to have an episode to call your own. But I hope, now that you've finally been given some substance, we can all move on and all the doubts and criticisms can be a thing of the past.
Phew. That feels better. You see, it all happened during last night's episode of New Girl called "Cabin". In this particular episode, raging moron Schmidt felt compelled to have Winston get in touch with his blackness, to let his black light shine (his words, not mine).
Of course, Schmidt did that in the only way he knew possible: the racist way. He bought Winston a Rastafarian hat, he offered to eat soul food with him, he wanted to share his "people's culture" with him. Winston, who damn well knows his friend much better than his friend apparently knows him, decided to have fun with this opportunity.
Winston messed with Schmidt by telling him the most cliched, stereotypical things possible. That his family wound sing around a burning trash can while enjoying the sweet taste of crack cocaine. By now this should have stopped Schmidt cold and realized he was being teased and that Winston, clearly, never was and never has been a gangster from the projects.
The whole thing ended in an amusing enough misunderstanding in "the hood" with a man named Robert with a nice smile. But it wasn't this part of the story line that did wonders for Winston (though him laughing at Schmidt with his back turned was delightful.) Instead, it was when Winston confronted Schmidt after all this absurdity.
Winston tells Schmidt that not only does he know who he is, but he's comfortable with himself. That he is a black man who just happens to live with three white people, nothing more, nothing less. Winston/Morris is not a sight gag or filler to boost his white friends' lives, he's an actual, realized person. It just took us halfway through the second season to get there.
While Winston and Schmidt dealt with their own set of friend revelations, "honky as hell" Nick and Jess had their own messes to deal with.
When Jess got invited to a cabin in the woods with her handsome doctor boyfriend Sam (David Walton) she panics that everything won't be perfect and invites Nick and his wild stripper girlfriend Angie (Olivia Munn) along as a buffer.
What could possibly go wrong in this sitcom scenario?! Well, for one Jess accidentally shoots out the electricity after wildly, recklessly swinging around a shotgun Angie found (I wouldn't know what to do with a gun, but I'm smart enough, as are most people to not do that).
Then the foursome gets drunk on enough absinthe that could have killed them all, Angie makes a pass at Sam because she thought they were doing a couple's swap scenario, Jess freaks out about her relationship, and Nick confesses his feelings to the hot, but reckless Angie, who takes off in the morning with some of his possessions and a lot of his dignity.
Now, all of this stuff we saw coming from a mile away. Jess fretting over what a boy thinks of her (though I am glad they aren't glazing over the fact that she lied about who she was when she first met Sam) and Nick getting himself into another dead end situation.
Not exactly new material for either of these characters or the stars who play them, but it was really all worth it to watch Sam violently throw up his absinthe into the fireplace, wasn't it?
Here, now, are some of the other best moments and lines from "Cabin":
- "You were so light and charming, you were like Pixar Winston"- Schmidt, to an understandably offended Winston.
- "White Nick, Brown Cece, I'd like to have a frank discussion about race" - Schmidt, to an understandably offended Nick and Cece.
- "There’s nothing like the feel of a fire and a fresh-baked cookie and that sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs"- Winston, messing with Schmidt so hard.
- Jess needing a "back story" about the cans she's shooting.
- Jess' fear about drinking absinthe: "[It] has killed so many of our famous painters."
- "I suppose we could get out and ask some of these street youths"- Schmidt, trying to buy "crack cuck-ane" with Winston.
- "I like dogs more than cats. I like chipmunks more than squirrels. I believe in UFOs. I once had a bass teacher when I was younger who did the standing bass, and he had a very weird smell, and I still remember that smell. His name was Mr. Hilton."- Nick's drunk confession to Angie.
- Nick has his own form of currency called Nick Bucks, which can be redeemed for hugs or something from his nightstand.
- Schmidt vowing to order racially sensitive vanilla and chocolate swirl frozen yogurt.
[Photo credit: Patrick McElhenney/FOX]
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There are many great things you can say about Brandi Glanville, the anti-hero of The Real Hornets Nest of Tiahoga Bluff.
You could say that she is beautiful. You could say that she is tall. You could say that she is blunt. Those are all true. But the most true — the truest — is that she is not having it.
No, Brandi Glanville is never having it, not for one moment. She does not care what it is, she does not want one (unless, of course, "it" is a glass of white wine, a book deal, a Xanax, a large penis, or a fur vest, then not only will she have it, but she will have several, as many as she can possibly handle until her hands fall off).
And there was a lot of "it" heading Brandi's way last night. First of all we had to deal with the continued fallout of the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, who is potentially the worst person who has ever been on a Real Snatchsnatchers show. She is just a puddle of darkness turned into a toxic pudding and then set loose on the world.
She hammers after Brandi for God knows what reason and then won't apologize for it. Brandi uncharacteristically leaves the house and goes outside, we assume to leave the party for good, but no.
She pulls a page from the Reality Television Guide to Fighting and Confrontational Ethics and just hangs outside the party waiting for someone to come outside and talk to her, watch her cry, and try to convince her to come back inside.
Of course, Kyle Richards, who thinks everything can be fixed with a wink and a whisper, falls for the trap. Lisa, Brandi's one ally, joins the two and they all sit on the curb in their dresses, mostly cast offs from bridal parties they were in back in the '90s. See, they did wear that dress again.
Brandi is inconsolable because she didn't want to be ganged up on at yet another Real Headbangers party, which is what always seems to happen to her when she goes to one of these events.
Usually she fights because, as we know, she is not having it, but tonight she did not. She knew where this was going. They were on the Acela to Screamtown and Faye Resnick was in the club car just swirling some brown liquor in the bottom of a crystal glass waiting to punch Brandi's ticket.
Brandi wanted to get off, she did not want to do this again. For once she just wanted someone to understand. So there they sit on the curb, Kyle, Brandi, and Lisa, like three glitzy monkeys: See No Evil, Speak Evil When Evil Comes for You, and If You're Gonna Be Evil Come Sit By Me.
The other time Brandi wasn't having it this episode was when Lisa finally orchestrated a Meeting in the Hall of Mirrors between the warring states of Brandi Glanville and that whore Shaennaeiouandsometimesy (seriously, this girl has never met a vowel she didn't like).
Shaennaeiouandsometimesy not only used to sleep with Brandi's ex-husband — talking abdominal muscle Eddie Cibrian — it seems like the two carried out quite a prolonged relationship, all while Eddie was married to Brandi and she was pregnant with their second child.
Brandi didn't want to have this sit down but after consulting St. Camille, the Sybil of Grammer, she decided that it might provide some closure.
But that wasn't the real reason. Shaennaeiouandsometimesy is on Vanderpump Knows Best, a new Bravo television programme, so this was a nice introduction to that show.
Yes, Brandi put herself in an emotionally vulnerable place so that her friend Lisa, who is an executive producer on the show that bears her last name, could be a success.
Lisa is literally profiting from Brandi's pain. I gotta say, the integration of My Three Vanderpumps was some next level genius shit from Mr. Andrew Cohen and the suits (and skirts) at Bravo.
First of all, Shaennaeiouandsometimesy gets up from her sit down with Brandi and then walks into the back and starts talking to the other waitresses.
Then Lisa comes out and talks to her about the discussion and it looks like the Housewives, but something is a little off. The resolution is a bit better and the lighting is sunnier, crisper. Then, there's the title: The Vander Bunch and we have been successfully snookered.
They dragged every single one of us right into a new show without even telling us that the show we wanted to watch was over. And if that wasn't enough, they made the whole thing a two hour episode of Real Branding Platforms of CitiBank Pavillion so that our DVRs automatically recorded the first episode of The Facts of Vanderpump without even being told to do so. Genius. Diabolical genius.
As for what actually went down at their little detente, well, Brandi (everyone together now!) wasn't having it. Oh hell no. Shaennaeiouandsometimesy sits down and starts crying and Brandi says, "I'm the one who lost everything.
If someone is going to cry right now, it's not going to be you." Brandi took a purse full of snaps, dumped them out over the top of this little whiny girl's head and watched her drown in them.
Brandi did not have it, not even for a second. Then she sat there and continued to entertain this stupid little girl (who, for the record, is not nearly as hot as Brandi) without punching her in the face. She didn't let her get away with anything and told Vowel Salad that she should have known better and that she was hurting someone.
But in the end, Brandi is a good and generous soul, and told her that Eddie was going to cheat no matter what, and that she doesn't hate Shaennaeiouandsometimesy and that she shouldn't be afraid of Brandi. See, Brandi is not having it so much that she will have it. She's amazing.
Oh, and she called Faye Resnick a "chick with a dick," which probably isn't accurate (and not helping Brandi gain any friends) but it was really freakin' funny.
We now pause a moment to bring you the latest installment of Living at Home With Yolanda Bananas Foster. Yolanda visits her enormous masterpiece of a refrigerator (seriously, that thing is like a Vermeer) and pulls out some ingredients and talks to the kids about how important it is to eat dinner together and how it's important to model rather than play volleyball because playing volleyball will give you giant man shoulders and then no one will ever find you desirable again ever.
She tells the children that she bought them a horse to learn responsibility, because giving them chores or getting them a paper route isn't sufficient. Here comes her husband, David Foster Wallace, who looks like a goldfish peering out of a plastic bag and is entirely awful. He sits down at the kitchen island and Yolanda, always the most proper person in the room, sits on the counter and puts her feet in the sink and eats her plate of pasta off her lap. Yes she put her feet in the sink to eat dinner.
Let me say that one more time so you can grasp the magnitude of what she did. She put her feet in the sink so that she could eat dinner. Oh, Yolanda, there is a reason you never leave the house to play reindeer games with the other ladies, isn't there? Yes there is.
Speaking of new ladies, I think I'm going to start calling Marisa Zanuck "Fetch" because she is never going to happen. (Also, as far as cast members go, she's kind of a dog — not like an ugly dog, just kind of lame). So Marisa comes over for a yoga date with Kyle and her yoga instructor, Mark.
This is great because usually the ladies go on activities and then the person they're engaging with leaves them after 20 minutes so they can just sit there and talk about nonsense. Kyle and Marisa don't really want to do yoga, they just want to talk shit about all the other Housewives.
Mark, well, he is there to do yoga. He is very serious. Mark is like, "Um, can you play attention please?" but they cannot and then he's like, "Why don't you stop talking about these stupid bitches and get into Warrior Two," and finally he's like, "You ladies are all stupid and you are disrespecting my yoga." Good for Mark.
We didn't get to see any of my beloved Kim Richards last night, but we did hear that Kyle is pissed at her because Kim is pissed that Kyle didn't come to Chad's birthday party which Kyle says she wasn't invited to. Phew. Get all that? Kyle says she thought that once Kim got sober everything would be fine, but it's not. No duh, Kyle.
That's because the problem wasn't Kim's alcoholism. Well, that was part of the problem.
The other part of the problem is that Kyle can be a narcissistic tornado of need. Now that one part of the problem is fixed, the other part of the problem needs to be fixed before there's no problem at all. That is just math. That Kyle doesn't even realize that she has to change how she treats her sister just shows why there is a problem in the first place. Also that she is bad at math.
Now we have to talk about Taylor. Oh man, Taylor. First of all she was visited by some sort of clairvoyant/mystic named Alisha. She is absolutely nuts. She shows up with one of those smiles that just means trouble.
It's not a real smile like she's actually happy, and it's not a fake smile that means she's trying to pretend to be happy. It's a smile that is not found in nature and that means that she is no stranger to the DSM IV. It's like she's smiling about something only she sees, and it's not good.
She tells Taylor, "Oh, I came because I have some really great news for you. Something is going to change. Something good is going to happen..." "My lawsuit is going to settle?" "Yes! That's exactly it. That is precisely what I saw. Yes, your lawsuit is going to settle. Here, suck on this ointment. Yeah, really rub it on your lips." Alisha closes her eyes while they both digest the serum and she keeps scrunching her face and shaking her head no like she is telling the devil that lives on her shoulder that, no, she is not going to stab anyone today.
It's freaky. Even Taylor thinks its freaky, and we've all seen the way she eats cotton candy.
Then Alisha gets up and starts asking questions and flailing around the room like a bird with one wing caught in a window. "Father no!" she shouts looking directly up into the air. "Father no!" she shouts bucking to the right, her arm extended. "Father yes!" she shouts bucking to the left and then grasping Taylor's wrist in a way that makes everyone uncomfortable. That's when I realized that Alisha is not a psychic.
No, she is just a person with Tourette's. That's all she is. She is twisting and turning and shouting and ticcing and that makes her look crazy. So she just tells people she does these things because she knows about the energy of the universe and then they give her money. That's quite a scam. I wonder how much Taylor had to pay for the two of them running around the house ringing a bell and squirting a spray bottle? $300? Damn. Good scam.
Now to end our little stroll down the sidewalk of sadness with Miss Taylor Armstrong, we need to discuss her lawsuit. Well, that and the fact that she invited everyone to dinner at the conference room of the Hyatt in Sherman Oaks with overstuffed brown chairs and pretended like it was a posh restaurant.
Oh, and that she brought her lawyer as her date, just like that one party where she invited her doctor as her date. Thank god Taylor started doing her nails at home, or else her manicurist would be at her left side at every dinner party for the rest of eternity.
Anyway, Taylor had some shady "$1.5 million dollar lawsuit" and we do not know what it was about, but that it was with some former friend of Taylor and Russell's and that when Russell originally settled the lawsuit one of the stipulations was that Taylor be held liable too. This sounds super shady. This does not sound like a real lawsuit. This sounds like some crazy shit that someone makes up to explain why they don't have any money and it's all a lie.
Then, we find out from Taylor's lawyer that the settlement is that Taylor has to give up her wedding ring and two of her Hermes bags. OK, that is not a settlement. Sure, Taylor has no money and no assets and lives in a rented house, but no one says, "I'll go away for a 10 carat ring and two $10K handbags."
Sure, both of those assets are worth a lot of money, but a real person would say, "Sell the ring and the bags and then give us the cash." No, this is some sort of extortion. This is some sort of shadiness. This might even be some sort of elaborate excuse as to why Taylor had to pawn her ring and two of her bags to pay off her bills. Who knows.
It's all, well, it's all very troublesome and not very well explained which makes us think it's even more troublesome. If it was simple and made sense, then she could just spell it out for all of us and we would get it, but we don't.
So Taylor leaves the Hyatt with her lawyer and he drops her off out in front of the house and she walks up the pave stones to the front door and the motion sense light snaps on before she gets there, casting harsh shadows across her face and temporarily blinding her.
Another night home, she thinks. Another night home. She goes in and there are pleasantries with the nanny and a status update on Kennedy who is upstairs asleep. Taylor thanks the nanny and says that she'll see her next Tuesday. She takes off her heels and pads up the chilly stairs and turns left where Kennedy's door is slightly ajar. She lets herself in, careful not to creak the door too loudly or step on anything.
She just wants to watch her sleep. She just wants to see her there in her pink pajamas, slowly inflating and deflating there in the slanted light from the outside. The motion sense light snaps off and it gets just a shade darker.
Taylor's eyes take a minute to adjust and she watches Kennedy for a few more breaths, in and out, and then goes to Kennedy's closet.
She moves the carpet over and underneath there is a board that she fishes out by digging her nails into the side. Underneath there is money. Stacks of it. Piles of it. It's her "trust fund" that Russell was supposed to leave her. Ha! She thinks.
Not much left now, but the pile only looks small because she knew how large it once was. She takes a stack of 20s packed in a rapper and slips it into the pocket of her blazer and goes to put the board back but it slips from her fingers and lands with a thud. "Mommy," Kennedy says from the bed, "What are you doing?"
Taylor puts the rug back and stands up slowly, screwing a smile into her face. "Nothing sweetie," she says. "Go back to bed. Mommy's just making sure everything will be OK."
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
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Never underestimate the power of the public's profound ongoing fascination with the great Leonardo da Vinci. Or the power of Starz to create some unexpectedly great television, for that matter. (See: Spartacus, Boss, Party Down.) With those two forces combining, its no wonder that the cable network's upcoming series Da Vinci's Demons has art, history, and television fans all, collectively, chomping at the bit. (Sorry to disappoint Dan Brown fans, however, as Da Vinci's Demons isn't the latest chapter in that saga.)
The show, from writer David S. Goyer (The Dark Knight, Flash Forward) and starring British actor Tom Riley as the famed artist and inventor, looks to give Da Vinci a sexy new, action-packed twist. The first full-length trailer for the drama debuted at the Television Critics Association's winter press tour over the weekend, but you can watch it here. Enjoy! Okay, so some artistic liberties have certainly been taken here, but this could be fun. Like if art history class met Game of Thrones (sex! violence!) or A Knight's Tale (modern twist on history!) and put it on TV. We'll find out if the entertainment experiment works when Da Vinci's Demons debuts on Starz on Friday, April 12. More: TCA: Workaholics' Seasons 4 and 5, 'Drunk History' Headed to Comedy CentralTCA: Carlton Cuse Says 'Bates Motel' Is, 'The Idea of a 'Psycho' Homage...Isn't Engaging'TCA: Matt Damon and Michael Douglas Say 'Behind the Candelabra' Will Respect Liberace's Legacy
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Many of 2012’s later pieces of cinematic output had us writhing in anticipation throughout the year, desperate to see these promised gems come to fruition on the big screen. One such provider of chronic enthusiasm has been Django Unchained, which finally hit theaters on Christmas Day. As 2012 rose and settled, fans mustered countless reasons to foster excitement for the film — one being the cast. After all, Django was boasting some of our favorite stars in the business: Will Smith, Kevin Costner, Kurt Russell, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anthony La Paglia, Sacha Baron Cohen…
Oh. Wait. No. None of those people are actually in the movie. But they almost were.
Those adhered to the entertainment news circuit might have heard tell that the above actors might be taking roles in Quentin Tarantino’s Western. The director named Smith as an early choice for his title character, and met with the blockbuster actor to discuss the prospect of the stardom. Several of the other names in question breached production before conflicts — or, quite possibly, the nature of the material — severed their relationship with the pre-Civil War movie.
Both Costner and Russell were attached to the villainous character of Ace, who was ultimately embodied by the capable James Remar. Gordon-Levitt and LaPaglia were slated to play two of the Australians who aim to transport Django to the coalmines towards the end of the film (one of these roles was usurped by filmmaker Tarantino). Cohen’s intended role was never revealed.
It is commonplace for any movie to shift through a few different layers of performers before cementing a starring team, but Django is an exceptionally explosive case. Still, thinking back on past Tarantino efforts will afford a few recollections of “almost-castings,” and some wistful wonderings of what might have been…
Pulp Fiction
Jules
“My name’s Paul, and this doesn’t concern me at all.” If you’re a Pulp Fiction aficionado (a Pulp Fictionado, if you will), then you recognize that line immediately — it is delivered by actor Paul Calderon, who plays a bartender and employee to crime boss Marsellus Wallace. But while Calderon’s role doesn’t extend beyond a few rhythmic one-liners, the actor was nearly handed a much larger role: that of Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson’s character), due to how impressed Tarantino was with his onscreen skill.
Vince
Tarantino's critically acclaimed and publicly beloved 1994 picture almost is notable for relaunching the career of a then-declining John Travolta. But Travolta's role of Vincent Vega, the dimwitted heroin addict who works alongside Jules, almost went to Reservoir Dogs star Michael Madsen. Interestingly, Madsen's character in Taratino's directorial debut is named Vic Vega, and is considered, canonically, to be Vince's brother.
Kill Bill
Bill
Again, we return to the hesitant party of Kevin Costner. Rumors had Tarantino approaching the actor with the opportunity to play the titular character in the filmmaker's Kill Bill movies (whom we don't actually lay eyes upon until the second film in the two-part story). But when Costner refused what would turn out to be the first of two Tarantino offers, fans found themselves facing a Bill in martial arts movie veteran David Carradine. And to no disappointment: Carradine gave the often understated character an unforgettable, chilling, and often heartbreaking performance.
Inglourious Basterds
Hans Landa
Here's one you've probably heard about. While we'd have a hard time imagining anyone but Christoph Waltz in his career-making, Oscar-winning role of sociopathically pragmatic Nazi detective Col. Hans Landa, Tarantino's first choice for the part was actually Leonardo DiCaprio. Conflicting rumors have obscured the truth behind the dismissal of DiCaprio from the part; some sources claim that Tarantino felt more comfortable with a German actor, while some say that DiCaprio was ill at ease with the nature of Inglourious Basterds' material.
The Bear Jew
Easily the funniest and most surprising bit of the bunch is the rumor that attached Inglourious Basterds' wrathful Staff Sgt. Donny Donowitz (known in legend to be a Golem, and referred to by Nazis and Nazi-hunters alike as the Bear Jew) to actor Adam Sandler. Tarantino reportedly approached the blockbuster comedian to take the role prior to landing on friend and filmmaker Eli Roth, but Sandler's conflicting Funny People schedule forced him to turn down the fan favorite character. For those who believe this to be just as well, certain that Sandler would only drive down the gravity of Tarantino's movie, let them recall that this sort of attitude might have preceded the casting of Travolta in Pulp Fiction, Pam Greer in Jackie Brown, and 90 percent of the Django Unchained cast. Still, Roth's contribution was exemplary.
So now when you head to the theaters to check out Django Unchained, or revisit old Tarantino pictures at home, imagine just how different the movies would be with Costners, Madsens, Gordon-Levitts, and Sandlers in place.
[Photo Credit: Miramax, Universal Pictures]
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This Christmas Eve, the world bade farewell to two icons of show business — a pair of time-tested actors whose onscreen presence has maintained its vigorous influence since the early days of their careers. Jack Klugman, an actor nearly synonymous with his The Odd Couple character Oscar Madison, passed away at the age of 90. Charles Durning, a venerable chameleon with roles in everything from Dog Day Afternoon to Tootsie to Family Guy, died at the age of 89. Each performer has contributed something invaluable to Hollywood, with Klugman earning the honor of having perfected the art of the onscreen everyman, and Durning winning the superlative of the industry's champion character actor. Both men were and will forever be widely appreciated by fans and colleagues alike.
Since the passing of Klugman and Durning, many celebrities and artists have taken to Twitter to express their grief and reverence for the work of the actors. Below are a selection of tweets from fellow comedians and dramatists, all hoping to pay tribute to Klugman and Durning:
Jack Klugman
“@mikedrucker: RIP Jack Klugman, you were in everything I love and made everything I love better.” I agree! So funny! So likable! The best.— Judd Apatow (@JuddApatow) December 25, 2012
Condolences go out to the family of Jack Klugman. An extraordinary and talented man. He will be missed.— William Shatner (@WilliamShatner) December 24, 2012
today i lost my mentor, second father and my dear friend.i will miss you so much jack and will be eternally grateful.RIP JACK KLUGMAN— John Stamos (@JohnStamos) December 25, 2012
RIP Jack Klugman. You made my whole family laugh together.— Jon Favreau (@Jon_Favreau) December 24, 2012
Have to give some appreciation for Jack Klugman, who was a great comedian. But also i appreciated him because i am an Oscar, not a Felix.— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) December 26, 2012
I worked with Jack Klugman several years ago. He was a wonderful man and supremely talented actor.He will be missedbit.ly/Y8XfbP— max greenfield (@iamgreenfield) December 24, 2012
Jack Klugman: a fine actor who didn't let throat surgery stop him from doing what he loved most--acting. Rest in peace— Leonard Maltin (@leonardmaltin) December 25, 2012
Thank you for the laughs, Jack Klugman. RIP.— Steve Levitan (@SteveLevitan) December 24, 2012
R.I.P. Jack Klugman . Epitome of the everyman. #Classact— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) December 24, 2012
Charles Durning
RIP Charles Durning.Amazing obit in the NYT.Was in the first wave of troops to land on D-Day nytimes.com/2012/12/26/mov…— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers21) December 25, 2012
R I P CHARLES DURNINGthe actor's actor— Henry Winkler (@hwinkler4real) December 25, 2012
RT @coltfan7: First Phyllis Diller, now RIP Charles Durning. Sad day for the #FamilyGuy company // Peter Griffin misses his mom &amp; dad.— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) December 25, 2012
Charles Durning, RIP: "I was born a character actor." dld.bz/bVeYU— Roger Ebert (@ebertchicago) December 25, 2012
Sad. Love him in #Tootsie :( RT @usweekly: Charles Durning, character actor, dies at 89 usm.ag/TmXosh— yvette nicole brown (@yvettenbrown) December 25, 2012
Adios, Charles Durning. You were always 'that guy'. The best. RIP— marc maron (@marcmaron) December 25, 2012
R.I.P., Great American. | "Actor, World War Two hero Charles Durning dies at 89." - news.yahoo.com/character-acto…— Adam Baldwin (@adamsbaldwin) December 25, 2012[Photo Credit: Wenn (2)]
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Over the past seven years, we've spend a good amount of time on the sixth floor of the GE Building, seated in the TGS with Tracy Jordan writers room, watching the churning out of brilliant concepts like Tyke Myson: Baby Boxer, Wonder Woman Gets Her Period, and oh so many Fart Doctors. As we know, the television program that introduced us to such comedic wonder, 30 Rock, is coming to a close this season.
On Thursday morning, Kevin Brown (who plays the NBC sitcom's most well-read character, Walter "Dot Com" Slattery) tweeted the below image of the cast and crew banding together for one last set photo, in bittersweet celebration of 30 Rock's final wrap on shooting — as confirmed in a tweet by another of the show's supporting stars, Katrina Bowden (pictured), who posted on Thursday, "Yesterday was our very last day of shooting #30Rock laugher,tears,emotional speeches &amp;a lot of cake. Tonight we celebrate 7 great years :)"
Now, we're sure that everyone was truly broken up over the conclusion of their long-running, critically acclaimed program. But why, then, can no one seem to focus on the fact that their picture is being taken? If you take a good look at the picture, you'll see many familiar faces from the TGS writers room — those of Cerie (Bowden), Frank (Judah Friedlander), Twofer (Keith Powell), Lutz (J.D. Lutz), and Sue (Sue Galloway) mesmerized by some bizarre offscreen phenomenon. Oddly, the usually befuddled Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) seems focused, with his reliable entouragee Dot Com following suit. So what exactly might all of these people be so engrossed by?
Here are a few theories...
What is Cerie looking at?
Back from a nine-month voyage with his Somali pirate cronies, Cerie's socialite husband Aris has started an off-camera brawl with NBC page Kenneth Parcell... a long-gestating rivalry, fueled by an ill-conceived kiss Kenneth gave Cerie back in Season 1 of 30 Rock.
What is Frank looking at?
Having caught a glimpse of the one NBC cleaning lady with whom he has not fostered a romantic fling, Frank has taken to studying her habits diligently in order to win her heart before his days in the GE Building are over for good.
What is Twofer looking at?
Upon hearing someone shout something defamatory about his alma mater (he went to school in Boston... well, not in Boston, but nearby... no, not Tufts), and refuses to take that sort of codswallop lying down.
What is Lutz looking at?
Any semblance of a friend he might make before the final wrap of the show.
What is Sue looking at?
Whatever the English translation of a "fondruke" is.
What isn't Tracy Jordan looking at?
Captivated for once by the task he's been asked to undertake (smiling and staring straight ahead, kind of his wheelhouse), Tracy seems to be missing whatever is keeping his colleagues so enrapt. Perhaps he was sedated by a Diet Slice and some pita chips.
What is Dot Com ruminating about?
Having come to terms with his romantic inadequacies and personal insecurities, the sage prophet that is Walter Slattery can now smile big, thinking back upon a life of artistic expression in The Seagull and Angels in America. You've done well, Dot Com. You deserve a smile.
[Photo Credit: Twitter]
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Basically, we could have called this two months ago. The X Factor's season 2 finale was about as predictable as any singing competition denouement we've ever seen. That's right, folks. America cast 35 million votes and determined Tate Stevens to be the winner! Now he can buy $5 million worth of ten-gallon hats. Instantly dispelled was the question about whether America was ready for a country-singing X Factor winner. The question of whether we need any X Factor winner, or X Factor period, however, remains.
The three finalists, Stevens, Carly Rose Sonenclar, and girl-group Fifth Harmony (deemed by Simon Cowell Wednesday to be possible successors to One Direction) all pranced down the red carpet singing "All You Need Is Love," in a kind of harmonic free-for-all that, as nearly all "All You Need Is Love" covers do, that completely missed John Lennon and George Martin's intricate sonic layering. If I finally hear a cover of this song that also weaves in a string-heavy sample of "Greensleaves," as in the original, then I'll be happy.
After that, nearly two hours of pure, unadulterated adulteration followed. A night of astounding filler. First, a montage of Simon's nasty barbs set to "Mr. Grinch' as if this were 2002 and we were just discovering Brit-imported reality-show snark. Were quotes like "You're a mouse trying to be an elephant" and "You sang like a dog trying to lay an egg" really worthy of anchoring a supercut of Cowell barbs? Speaking of which, now that I've spent a better part of the fall TV season staring at Simon's square head and chest hair, I think the time is right to ask the following: what the hell has happened to his appearance? His face is so much fuller than it ever used to be; his eyes are getting all squinty and immobile a la Kenny Rogers and Bruce Jenner; and his hair is sculpted into an Arsenio Hall flat-top circa 1990. Someone's got their work cut out for them in the off-season.
Lest you forget, X Factor reminded us all evening that Christmas is upon us. Stevens did his typically solid, if forgettable, thing, with Charles Brown's "Please Come Home for Christmas." But Fifth Harmony. Oh, Fifth Harmony committed sonic heresy by attempting a multi-part cover of Darlene Love's peerless 1963 classic "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)," a song that, for my money, is just a tiny rung below 'White Christmas' for the title of Greatest Christmas Song of the 20th Century. With Fifth Harmony's cover, gone in its entirety was Phil Spector's wall of sound. It's one thing to lose that song's cascading piano chords, but to not even have one decent vocalist (out of five!) tackle that soaring 'They're singing deck the halls/ But it's not like Christmas at all" pre-chorus was tragic. Instead we got one girl with a life-sized tropical-drink umbrella, and another wearing a giant bow on her head like Aretha Franklin. Except this girl is not a gift to us all. Then to top it off, they even did a soft-shoe with candy-cane canes. Luckily, we still have the actual Darlene Love slated to perform "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)" on the Late Show With David Letterman Friday, as she does every year before Christmas, as a palate cleanser. Because if I had to choose between a lump of coal in my stocking and having to hear Fifth Harmony mangle Phil Spector's masterpiece, I'd take the coal.
Next up was a montage of Britney Spears' repertoire of odd facial expressions. It was set to Edvard Grieg's crescendo-ing "Peer Gynt,' as Brit Brit's face became ever more contorted. I suppose we should admire X Factor's subtlety in their musical selection for the Britney montage. I'd have likely picked "Ride of the Valkyries" as accompaniment myself.
Carly Rose Sonenclar then followed that up with a better, albeit similarly anemic, rendition of Mariah Carey's latter-day staple "All I Want for Christmas Is You." But she sang it next to a hearth and Christmas tree that made it seem like she was smack in the middle of Dr. Stahlbaum's house and was about to sing a duet with a nutcracker come to life. I really expected that Christmas tree to suddenly grow. Alas, it did not.
Finally, it was time for some results. Fifth Harmony was deemed to have placed third. Group member Ally tried to insert the word "ya'll" as many times as she could into one sentence. She's folksy!
Time for more filler. Pitbull did his usual Absolut-fueled Miami party-starting thing, including requisite untied bow-tie. Then One Direction came out, performed, and showed the two remaining U.S. X Factor finalists a level of fame and success that they will never achieve. I particularly loved the eight-bit videogame aesthetic of their performance. This has been a great year for arcade side-scrollers what with this, Wreck-It Ralph, and Community's "Digital Estate Planning" episode.
Finally, it was time for the winner to be declared and a runner-up to be chosen to head back into obscurity and despair. Tate and Carly, along with respective mentors L.A. Reid and Spears, marched out to "Requiem for a Tower," just to emphasize all the more what a battle this is. Let they, whose X Factor journey is about to come to an end, salute you, America! Well, Tate obviously won. He was by far the best of the group and deserved it. I was a little freaked out by Mario Lopez' slightly ominous declaration immediately thereafter, "Tate Stevens is about to go start a whole new life, a life he only ever dreamed of." I'm hoping that new life involves a gravelly baritone-off with Trace Adkins and Randy Travis. And hey, Carly Rose Sonenclar has only lived a third of Stevens' 37 years. There are so many other reality shows ahead of her.
And that's a wrap! How will you guys bear to go nine months before X Factor graces your lives once again?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: FOX]
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