Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Diary oh diary 2-7-2013

At raining night like this is extremely lonely for me. No idea the reason behind, perhaps it's the cold temperature. And I miss her extremely much. There's no point sulking alone feeling miserable. I shall work the hell out of myself. I shall do as much push up as possible until my muscles fail me. This might be a good way to channel all my energy towards something beneficial. Because when I'm about to give up and let go, I think of her and somehow I can summon the extra strength to push myself up for another time.

I started to feel the change in me. Recently I had opened my mouth a lot less and listened a lot more. I have learnt to observe the others movement and began to understand why they did they things the did. Seeing things in a different perspective did opened up my mind. There're so much for me to learn. I'm feeling so small and so insignificant as compared to the whole wide world. Life is short, I must experience as much as possible before passing on. And I hope she'll be able to see the changes in me. What is she doing right now. Has she been eating well, is her back still aching?

I'm not sure if she noticed, during the rain I'll make sure she's covered on the other side of the umbrella. Part of my shoulder will be wet. Every time. And she'll always walk on the inner side of the road. I do not know if this small little things are called caring, but I know this is the way to protect her.

My palms are getting rough as a result from all the gym session. People said it's more manly that way. I wanted to do all those so that I can have a better shoulder and chest to embrace her. I want to have a stronger arms to carry her burden with. But I'm not sure if the day will come. All I can do is to prepare myself. I'm unable to let go, for me to carry on meaning to make a better me for her. Because, I couldn't find strength on the other side.

Finally the gift is ready and sent for production. For many many night I have prepared this, and for all the occasion I progressed with teary eyes. It's nothing expensive but it's something from my heart. It's a small gesture to tell her that she has made a difference in my life. I can't wait for its arrival, and I can't wait to hand it to her personally. How things turn out doesn't matter, what's important is for her to know that there's a person waiting for her return. There's someone willing offer her a shoulder when she needed comfort or feeling tired. There's someone always loving her.