Don't panic, they're not firing "shots across the bow" at our glorious RN for poaching cod. It's the store, not the massively indebted country.

Kate Moss was described by an inside source today as "distraught, and deeply concerned about what her future may hold."
Subject to a successful trial period, she had been promised a checkout job at the discount frozen food emporium to help fund her Autumn years after her modelling career fizzles out.
Iceland today anounced that the nation's favourite mum, Kerry Katona, has been dropped from their ad campaign after recieving footage of the 'celebrity' snorting the magic nose powder.

"cry for help" probably resulting in interviews for 6 figure sums, a record being put out and a place on "I'm a celebrity get me out of here" that said I would gratefully accept a soapy tit w@nk off her

Now could be the time to set up a 'Celebrity death pool', everyone put a quid on who you think in the A-Z list of 'Celebrities' may do us all a favour by dying and if there's enough votes, let's say 100 in by the end of the month. We can start the Final Countdown from the 1st day of September. 1st person to see their choice expire by the 31st December gets the sponds, if there are no successes, Hols 4 Heroes gets it.

We used to do that celebrity death sweepstake at a school I worked in. Teachers might surprise some of you with their gutter reasoning, many would fit in well in the NAAFI bar (apart from their leather-elbowed tweed jackets).

One guy had Pamela Anderson Lee on acconunt of her contracting Hepatitus C.

The channel 4 comedy TEACHERS was surprisingly accurate and well observed.