Industry watchdog Nicky Campbell is to scrutinise the cut-price deals offered by travel agent Thomas Cook after they realised that the arse may have fallen out of their North Africa market.

The company moved swiftly after holidaymakers were forced to use deckchairs to defend themselves against government-backed rapist militias, loyal to deposed president Ben Ali, with many hotel chains realising now might be a good time to lower their prices a bit.

For those seeking a break from the winter cold, Thomas Cook latest brochure offers tourists the chance of a “half-priced deal in paradise where one can relax and enjoy the spectacle of the crimson sun dipping below the horizon, your peace interrupted only by the sound of sporadic gunfire - kids go free! “

Meanwhile, many bargain-hungry Brits claim their holidays have been ruined – not by the widespread violence which is roughly on a par with what they’d expect on any Saturday night at a resort back home – but by Thomas Cook’s misleading brochure information.
Sally and David Watson from Solihull said:

“We were woken at 3:00 am by several armed men who demanded my wife’s jewellery and, contrary to what it said in the brochure, when I tried to complain to the “multilingual” hotel reception, they didn’t speak a word of English. Thank you Thomas Cook. ”

Similarly unimpressed were Sandra and Ian Johnson from Darlington who left this lukewarm review on TripAdvisor :

“Although we were slightly inconvenienced by the locals looting and setting fire to our nearest supermarket, this was nothing compared to the outrage we felt on discovering that the “short walk” from our hotel to the beach was a distance of over three miles over an area which had been heavily mined. “

Campbell insisted last night that all cases would be looked into and urged those bound for Tunisia to check with their tour operators before travelling, adding:

“We’ve heard some very distressing reports from a couple in Blackburn regarding three day-old spunk left on a mattress. ”