I go to her when I'm feeling down, need inspiration, a good chat, or laughter. Everyone knows how these kinds of friends make you feel. They lift you up, make you feel happy, make you feel that you can take on the world, and have generally "got your back." How would you react if one started calling you fat, ugly, stupid, or said you couldn’t reach your dreams?

I know, it’s unthinkable. If you had a friend do this she would soon be getting the flick of the wrist – goodbye.

If we don’t tolerate our friends putting us down, then why do we treat ourselves that way?

Think about it: How often do you look in the mirror and feel unhappy with what you see, or think you can’t do something? Or give up before you’ve started because that negative voice inside your head told you to?

The voice your head is not your best friend. Ironically, if anyone else spoke to you that way, you would have a fit and demand to be treated better. So why do we let ourselves get away with this behavior?

Is it because we start to believe the voice inside our head? Or because we don’t think we're worthy of something better?

The "why" might be different for each person, but one thing’s for sure: We can’t keep treating ourselves as second best.

If we start to treat ourselves like that, pretty soon we'll be allowing other people to treat us that way as well.

So how do we ensure that we are our own best friends? We have to shine a light on it to cut it out.

Step 1

I suggest each time you have a negative thought, write it down on a piece of paper or say it to yourself out loud.

By writing it down on paper or saying it out loud, you reduce its hold over you. Then we can look at it with a new pair of eyes or ears and see that it holds little truth.

Step 2

Rethink the statement you just said. Look at the nastiness of it and reword it or reshape it by pumping yourself up again.

Let’s start with an easy one. Say you look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're ugly. Rework this by saying, "I feel this way, but it’s not true. I am beautiful because …" Then list three parts of your body that you love or have been complimented on before.

By reminding ourselves that this limiting belief isn’t true, we gain power back and are able to remind ourselves of the truth.

Step 3

After you rewire your brain, it's important to STOP. You’ve taken your negative belief, shown yourself that it's a lie, reminded yourself of why it’s untrue, and given yourself some love. Before your ego can act up again, stop the conversation. Fully engage the task at hand and move past this point. Don't dwell on what can become a vicious cycle between your ego and yourself.

I assure you by using these steps for a couple of days, you'll begin to see a shift in how you think. We are reprogramming your brain from the limiting beliefs it used to believe.

It might be difficult at the start because you're changing neural pathways, and with anything the first time is really difficult. Think of a new muscle being developed; after time it will improve. The muscle will get stronger and it will be easier to become your own best friend.

Maddison Vernon is the founder of Miss Imperfect, a space dedicated to teaching and empowering women to begin living the life they want. Her goal is to show women they don’t have to wait for the ifs and whens of life to fall into place.

Maddison Vernon is the founder of Miss Imperfect, a space dedicated to teaching and empowering women to begin living the life they want. Her goal is to show women they don’t have to wait for the ifs and whens of life to fall into place.

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