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In my job I help a lot of people with real computer problems. It makes me feel good to know that I am doing something helpful. However, sometimes I have to fix "user issues." I understand that not everybody is knowledgeable about computers, but some people come up with some good ones. I hate to belittle people or call something a stupid question, but you should understand after reading a few examples. These are details from help desk tickets at work followed by my comments.

"User accidentally deleted a network printer from her pc. She did not know the exact printer name so since she was in payroll we added the payroll network printer. She says this may not be the printer she deleted. User needed a shared printer mapped"

I'm not psychic. I don't know what printer she deleted either. Maybe she could try printing to the printer that the help desk connected her to. Then she could walk over to the printer she thinks it is and see if they were correct. She could also try reading the label on the printer that says PAYROLL1.

"User is not able to access VPN from home. Internet is not working either."

There is a reason that we tell people that they need an internet connection to use VPN.

"User's account was disabled and needs to be enabled. He is no longer with the company, but needs to log on."

Do you want us to keep sending you a paycheck too?

"User is unable to boot her computer up. She is getting a disk read error. She is rebooting and every time her computer tries to boot up she gets the same error. She has checked for a disk and she does not have one in her hard drive."

When I get to her desk, she is still rebooting. If at first you don't succeed, reboot! Reboot! Reboot! Over and over and over again. Here's a clue: The message said "If this is your first time to see this message, restart your computer. If it continues, contact your administrator."

"User deleted some files. He is not sure what the file names were, where the files were located or when they were deleted. Can they be restored?"

We have over 350 file shares on one server alone. There are thousands of subfolders in those shares. There are around 1,000 people creating, changing and deleting files on that server. That is just one of the 1,000 servers his file could have been on. He wasn't even sure if it was on a server or his local computer. He expects me to figure out which file he deleted when he can't even point me in the right direction? He can't point me in any direction. I later found out that he wasn't even sure if he ever saved the files. He just couldn't find them. Once again, I'm not psychic.

"User needs to recover a deleted email. He emptied his deleted items folder and cleared the recovery cache."

You have to try very hard to permanently delete an email at my company. You have to delete it from the Inbox first. Then you have to delete it from the Deleted Items folder. After that, it is held in a Recovery Cache for about a week. You technically have to delete the email three times. Sorry man, but three strikes and your SOL.

"I hear there was a layoff recently and I am interested obtaining a laptop with more power than the one I currently posses."

Have you no shame? Show some respect for the recently departed you filthy grave robber.

"I visit our local football team's web site for news and information about our team. I am a former player who likes to keep up with the news. This web site has not been available for the past few days."

Maybe your manager had the site blocked so you would do some work instead of fucking around on the internet all day.