Thursday, January 1, 2009

I am one of those people with an overwhelming need to please and be accepted. I try to not forget birthdays, special occasions, I try to 'read' my friends so that I can be there if I think they need me. The worst part is that I have a very short list of people that I want acknowledgement from, but I do want....or rather NEED them to be proud of me. For a long time that person was my mom. I can remember crying into her arms because I thought I had done something to disappoint her and she told me how proud of me she was and that there was little I could ever do to disappoint her. This kept me grounded and centered when everyone else was critical of me and until I found a few others that inspired that reaction in me. Now I feel like many view me as an intrusion or a bother and that would never be what I wanted. So anyhow....today I felt empowered. My next door neighbor, Jeanette turned 84 years today. She was born 1/1/25. she is a little spit of a thing...I don't think she weighs her age. She has been a widow since the second year I lived here....I've owned this house for 10 years. So I call Jeanette every Monday to coordinate our agendas. What day does she want to go grocery shopping, what do we have for medical appointments. She fretted over me the whole time I was limping, and when she found out that I would need surgery she went into hyper drive. I stop over to check on her every chance I get. My sons mow her grass and shovel her snow. Two years ago, I called her to wish her a Happy Birthday/Happy New Year's and she didn't answer, I went to her house and I found her in the middle of a stroke on her kitchen floor. I called 911 and stayed at her bedside for a week. There is little signs of the stroke now but I fear for her. I threaten her if she goes out in the snow...for a broken hip would surely mean a nursing home. I often feel guilty...because I can't spend more time with her and that I never had the chance to do all this for my own mother. Cancer stole her from me way to soon. So....this morning I put on a pot of black eyed peas because my mama also made them for New Year's and told me they were good luck. I had a card and a beautiful cashmere throw as a present for her to wrap up in while watching the news, but I also had a secret. So after the peas were done, I made a little cake. Then there was a knock at my door. It came be very hard to hide things from someone who lives right next door. I did it though. Around 1 pm I called Jeanette and told her I was coming to get her so that she could eat with me. I half carried her the 10 yards to my door. But she came in and sat down. Gregory told her we were going to have a birthday party for her and she scoffed. I told her that because of a surprise I had, that we were going to start with the cake. I put it on the table and and lit the candles. I told her to blow them out, close her eyes and make her fondest wish. As she sat there with her eyes closed I snuck her son Paul who lives in NC and his children into the dining room and told her to open her eyes. I need a sidebar....she has not seen her son in 3 years...he moved to NC when he accepted a professorship at UNC, then he divorced...blah blah blah....it was always something. I starting called him and emailing him at Thanksgiving telling him that he really needed to come home. That his mother is mostly likely nearing the end of her life and she needs to see him and the children. I just kept on badgering. He told me that he was coming to CT for New Year's and I told him that he had to drive here. He never called me a name but I know he thought it. Well...let just say....even now as I think about her face when she opened her eyes and saw her only son and her grandchildren that that it was the wish she made. He will only be here until tomorrow but it meant everything to her. He even came over and wished me a Happy New Year with a kiss and told me that he is very glad that he made the trip and that he is glad that his mom is so loved.So how does that go again...'Do unto others...' I can only hope that my son sees how a little something can mean a whole lot to someone.