Red flags when dating a new guy

You ask him any iteration of relationship check-up questions and he’s either unsure, needs more time, or tables the topic entirely.

It’s completely fair to ask if he sees long-term potential in the relationship, his view on commitment and marriage, and other “big picture” questions.

If you're in the first few months of dating and there have been a few false starts or warning signals, perhaps it's nothing — everyone is flawed, and it's good to give a little leeway here and there.

But there are some legit red flags that some people wave around like glow sticks on a dance floor, and it's up to you to pay attention to them.

I have a friend who recently cut a guy out completely because he'd do things like text her something positive and bubbly at 9 a.m., mention how bated his breath was at the prospect of seeing her soon, but then balk when she'd try to nail down a date.

If you're dealing with a text-happy commitmentphobe, now is the time to edge them out. I often take a few hours to write back; sometimes I've been known to take days.

But if someone tells you they're an investment banker and it turns out they're a bank teller, this is a harbinger of things to come. But if homie never offers to pay his way — or, worse, pretends to have forgotten his wallet or claims he'll get you next time, only to pull the same thing again — this will likely cause problems as time unfolds. But if they're talking about what a wild "connection" you have three days in, or talking about the future when you have approximately ten minutes of a past, it's best to slow your roll — and slow theirs.

Unfortunately, too often, we let little things get in the way of new relationships (and flings), and are too quick to judge each other. Wolves regularly gallivant about in sheep's clothing, especially in a city like New York, where I live.

Remember that the person on the receiving end of all of your projections and anxieties is also human, and likely experiencing the exact same worries and concerns you are. I can't tell you how many times I've met someone or a friend has met someone seemingly lovely, only to find that their Lawyer or Carpenter or Mathematician (all about the code name) is actually a total fraud.

But deep down you may have a nagging feeling that something just isn’t right.

While often red flags come in the more obvious forms (he is verbally abusive, physically aggressive) it’s the more subtle ones we miss.