British car industry launches two new vehicles

Two British car manufacturers have today launched vehicles in an attempt to revive the long-dead British motor industry. As well as being stylish, competitively priced and highly desirable, the Rover Sirloin and the Vauxhall Giblet are also very environmentally friendly cars, both being made entirely out of animal parts.

The Rover Sirloin was the first to be designed, and was the brainchild of Sir Herbert Car, grandson of Sir Henry Car, inventor of the car. Sir Herbert was driving home from his local butcher one day when his engine stalled due to a faulty spark plug. Failing to find a spare one in his boot, he instead inserted a pig's heart into the engine. To his surprise, the engine not only performed better, but also gave off the mouth-watering smell of cooking bacon. So the idea of the Rover Sirloin was born.

Vauxhall claim to have come up with the idea independently, but it is thought that they stole the idea after a clumsy Rover employee crashed a test meat vehicle into a gravy factory. A hungry mob quickly gathered, attracted by the smell of flesh and petrol fumes, as it was unfortunately barbeque season. Tragically, the greedy crowd devoured the car within minutes, including the driver, and the story made national headlines. One Vauxhall car designer happened to read the story when it appeared in front of his face in the newspaper the following day and it is believed that he copied the idea in his own design.

It is hoped that the fortunes of the British car industry may recover at least partially with the new products. Meat vehicles are in great demand, not only for their soft interior, but also their edibleness. However, they will have to compete with more modern foreign vehicles such as the Lamborghini Hamburger, the Toyota Casserole, and luxury cars like the Renault Foie Gras. The BMW motor company is also planning to bring out a quorn car by the end of the year to cater for vegetarian drivers.

It seems that the British car industry may have to rise to "meat" the challenge.

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