Drum enclosures are big. This isn’t grade school show and tell where you make something in your home and then just put it in your back pack. So take a lesson from these guys and notice that if you are going to build a drum shield, you should probably build it in place.

Of coures it brings up the obvious question. What if these guys are geniuses who have realized having a drummer on stage can be quite distracting from the band leaders antics? If you get some good mics and be sure and leave him a bowl of water, you could build the drummer a nice cage backstage and get the best of both worlds.

“I’m the creative one, it’s the other guys job to handle logistics.”

“How are we going to move this?”

Remember it doesn’t matter how elegant it is, or how cheap you build it, all that matters is does it do a great job keeping the drummer caged up.

How does that become a thing? Everyone knows drummers have mental problems. It’s part of the reason we lock them up in a drum cage. But what if the caging of drummers was actually leading to their emotional instability. Trapped in there cut off from all human contact. Some people apparently see this as a problem.

Need contact

The reasons someone would worry about this are not clear But perhaps all this mental and emotional issues cause make it more difficult to keep time. So in light of that these bleeding hearts decided to create “Hug A Drummer Day”. Approach with extreme caution.

(And drummers, you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that all those fans trying to feel you up [No not that one. That would be good. The OTHER one. You know.] are locked on the outside of your drum shield. Ironically, beautiful.)

A key feature of a Drum Shield is the difficulty level of escape. Seriously what’s the point of locking them behind glass if they can just walk around it and start singing into an unattended mic? With the advent of athletic high jumping drummers the Drum Shield Roof was invented. But what if you have a drummer that can both jump high and is strong???? Well in the search for ever increasing security we came across the brilliance of this:

The designer of this wonderful idea remains anonymous. But it raises the question. “Is three cinder blocks heavy enough to contain your drummer?”

It’s sad that this needs to be written but Drummers Are Musicians Too. There are some great sites out there that understand the importance of locking up drummers behind a Drum Shield. These sites are going out of their way to even help you enclose them. But in all of the caging and enslaving it is imperative that you remember they are still musicians, at least in their own mind.

We all know drummers can be replaced by a small electronic machine that has perfect timing, doesn’t bum rides, won’t try dating your sister, and doesn’t need help loading in a truck full of equipment. But if you are creating a stage chart and are using human shapes for all of the other musicians, it is incredibly insensitive to use a small round dot for the drummer. Not that the drummers feelings matter, regarding the insensitivity, but it makes it harder for them to understand the chart.

The main point is while it is only the loosest definition that drummers are musicians. To a drummers mind, “Drummers Are Musicians”. And in the interest of not confusing them too much or incapacitating them with the effort of thought: Let’s all just play along and let them get back to banging on things and swinging sticks around.