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It's Today Not Tomorrow - Living In The Moment

Lately, I keep finding myself thinking about, trying to plan or let's just face it, worrying about the future. And today, I realized I need to just stop. That's right - just stop. Focus on the moment, not the moment tomorrow, not the moment 5 minutes from now, but the moment now - this moment that I'm currently living.

This feeling of needing to focus on the future stems from finances. I'm not sure why the minute your child goes to preschool that a woman feels (or feels pressured by others) to try to generate some income during those precious 2.5 hours that your kid is in school. And maybe most women don't feel that way, but I do. And I, at times, get outside pressure from others that this is what is expected of me

And so I'm feeling the pressure and my stress level is rising, and I'm missing the moment because I'm worrying about what I'm going to be doing as a job a couple of years from now when Lil Man goes to school. And trust me, as I type this I know how utterly ridiculous that sounds. Because we don't know the future or our circumstances, and I honestly have no clue what employment I will be able to find a couple of years from now.

And I also think part of the reality is that I feel guilt. Yes, guilt. Because I feel in some way I should be contributing financially to the household. Now granted, in Hubby's defense, he doesn't harp on this. But there are comments here and there about me getting a J O B and when will I generate some income. And I think whether it's truly implied or not, I feel that it is. I feel that I should somehow be contributing. So I work my rear off, trying to find ways to generate some income here and there.

And I realized today, I'm missing today. I'm stressing about getting this done and that done so I can try to 'work' to bring in an extra $20 or $30 when Lil Man is napping or at school.

And this is not what I want...this stress... but I also don't want this guilt or pressure either of feeling that I'm not contributing financially. I haven't found the balance yet, but I know that I need to.

Because in the blink of an eye, these years will have morphed into something else. And today is today, and it's where I need and ultimately want to live.

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Comments

I was a stay at home Mother and I didn't want a job.I had the most important one in taking care of my 2 kids.My husband worked double shifts a lot of times and never said anything but that he did it so those kids could have a Mother.