The problem with most us men is we don't like to admit we have failed, or we don't like to acknowledge there is an issue. We hate to fail, we will put it all on the back shelf hoping that we will not be able to see it or it will go away. Women are very different to men. Hehe. Some of us we show our feelings in other ways or we don't think a kiss or cuddle every time we see each other is necessary.

That's not too say we are completely at fault lol.

I was the same and thought counselling was silly. There is no problem.

Kind of the best thing I did.

Even if people move on, the weeds from one paddock will eventually show up in the next paddock.

If he wont commit to help then you may need to make the hard decision.

Sorry we are so stubborn lol.

06/2016 Went in for colonoscopy came out with a tumor. Age 35 12cm from verge at junction. Rectal cancer.Clinical stage T3 NO MOTemp illestomyCompleted 5FU and RadiationLAR surgery planned 13 Oct 2016Completed ULAR surgery 11-10-2016.0/22 nodespT3 N0 M0 R1Stage 2A

One important step I took was seeing the counselor at the cancer center. I'm seeing her again next week. If she recommends that I go to someone else due to my particular issues, I'll do that. Something else I have been doing is thinking about all the things I used to like doing, but stopped because he didn't like to do them. Like camping, I love camping and haven't been in years because he refuses to go. I'm going to start planning some camping trips for when I am well again. My nurse navigator asked me an interesting question when I called to tell her that my husband had left. She asked me who I am. I honestly didn't have an answer because I changed myself so much based on him and his wishes. That's where going back to the stuff I like to do comes in. I'm taking back my life.

Ok girlfriend. I am sorry to hear this. But it resonates with me. My X divorced me as soon as I got through treatment. We were not getting along and I straight out asked him 'would it have been better for you if I had died?' He said 'Yes'. That was it.. right there, the end of our marriage. He tried to backtrack saying it would have been final etc. I told him it Never, ever would have been easier on my heart and soul if he died. He was a high functioning professional who was an alcoholic, and smoked weed which I know many like but it was a bad lifestyle for our family (he did it in private but I had to deal with a stoned partner who thought it gave him 'clarity') He would take my pain killers and my synthetic thc pills (so I could have an appetite while on chemo) I would run out because he would be taking them, and have to be at the pharmacy feeling sick. I had a 3yr old. He told me I would never become a landscape architect which was my dream job (and second degree later in life) he sat in marriage counseling and in front of me said I didn't deal with my cancer very well (uhhh u try having rectal cancer!!!!) so he divorced me. I became a landscape architect. I am happier now than I have been in a decade. When I realized it seemed I would survive I did not want him in my future when the next difficulty comes into life, in charge of my care. I am better off alone. Now I am thinking of buying an acre and designing and building a home he never wanted to do. It's been a journey. I can face anything. So can you - I hope you two can find your way back to each other, but you can be ok on your own. Good luck I hope things go well

Aqx99 wrote:One important step I took was seeing the counselor at the cancer center. I'm seeing her again next week. If she recommends that I go to someone else due to my particular issues, I'll do that. Something else I have been doing is thinking about all the things I used to like doing, but stopped because he didn't like to do them. Like camping, I love camping and haven't been in years because he refuses to go. I'm going to start planning some camping trips for when I am well again. My nurse navigator asked me an interesting question when I called to tell her that my husband had left. She asked me who I am. I honestly didn't have an answer because I changed myself so much based on him and his wishes. That's where going back to the stuff I like to do comes in. I'm taking back my life.

Yeah for taking your life back! That's empowering, you've been through so much. My husband is useless emotionally when it comes to support. He's a weenie when it comes to dealing with cancer but he'll never change. I am thankful that he has good insurance and a healthy pension and I have no other expectations. I'm lucky to have my daughters and friends and this support forum. Funny thing I never liked camping, it was so much work with the kids, he loved it. I loved Disneyland and he hated it... I'm really wanting to visit Disneyland again!

Lee mentioned me in her comment. I am going through something similar to you. My Ex had an affair while I was receiving Folfirinox - or as my oncologist called it "the kitchen sink". To put it bluntly I was dying and had no emotional support because he was putting all that energy into his girlfriend.

I know he couldn't handle the cancer. He keeps saying it was him and his inability to talk about his feelings. Gave me some pathetic reasons - I left the toaster on the counter, I didn't fold the towels right, I didn't make the bed as soon as I got up in the morning (I had 2 kids to get ready and out the door to school as well as getting myself ready for work or an appointment).

I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk. Honestly it sounds like him leaving was the best thing he could have done for you. It will reduce the amount of stress and bull pucky you have to deal with so you can focus on you. I know it is difficult going through this alone. I have made friends here that I have become very close with. I have always believed that family isn't just DNA. I don't get along with my family very well and they are all still in upstate NY where I am originally from.

On a side note - how is this for coincidence.... My name is also Anne and I moved to NC from TX a year ago. Where in NC are you located?

Lee mentioned me in her comment. I am going through something similar to you. My Ex had an affair while I was receiving Folfirinox - or as my oncologist called it "the kitchen sink". To put it bluntly I was dying and had no emotional support because he was putting all that energy into his girlfriend.

I know he couldn't handle the cancer. He keeps saying it was him and his inability to talk about his feelings. Gave me some pathetic reasons - I left the toaster on the counter, I didn't fold the towels right, I didn't make the bed as soon as I got up in the morning (I had 2 kids to get ready and out the door to school as well as getting myself ready for work or an appointment).

I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk. Honestly it sounds like him leaving was the best thing he could have done for you. It will reduce the amount of stress and bull pucky you have to deal with so you can focus on you. I know it is difficult going through this alone. I have made friends here that I have become very close with. I have always believed that family isn't just DNA. I don't get along with my family very well and they are all still in upstate NY where I am originally from.

On a side note - how is this for coincidence.... My name is also Anne and I moved to NC from TX a year ago. Where in NC are you located?

Talk about coincidences, I grew up in Elmira, NY. I live in Pfafftown, NC, west of Winston-Salem. I have heard people say that getting cancer was the best thing that could have happened to them, I doubted it until this all happened to me. I had no idea how trapped I was, until that huge sense of freedom washed over me a few days after the shock wore off.

Lee mentioned me in her comment. I am going through something similar to you. My Ex had an affair while I was receiving Folfirinox - or as my oncologist called it "the kitchen sink". To put it bluntly I was dying and had no emotional support because he was putting all that energy into his girlfriend.

I know he couldn't handle the cancer. He keeps saying it was him and his inability to talk about his feelings. Gave me some pathetic reasons - I left the toaster on the counter, I didn't fold the towels right, I didn't make the bed as soon as I got up in the morning (I had 2 kids to get ready and out the door to school as well as getting myself ready for work or an appointment).

I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk. Honestly it sounds like him leaving was the best thing he could have done for you. It will reduce the amount of stress and bull pucky you have to deal with so you can focus on you. I know it is difficult going through this alone. I have made friends here that I have become very close with. I have always believed that family isn't just DNA. I don't get along with my family very well and they are all still in upstate NY where I am originally from.

On a side note - how is this for coincidence.... My name is also Anne and I moved to NC from TX a year ago. Where in NC are you located?

Talk about coincidences, I grew up in Elmira, NY. I live in Pfafftown, NC, west of Winston-Salem. I have heard people say that getting cancer was the best thing that could have happened to them, I doubted it until this all happened to me. I had no idea how trapped I was, until that huge sense of freedom washed over me a few days after the shock wore off.

I completely know the feeling! The things you see after the fact. I am much happier now than I was before. And yes having cancer changes you - especially when you realize that you have been dealing with the emotional aspect on your own.

Elmira! I grew up just outside Saratoga. I'm currently just north of Charlotte.

The freedom is nice, and now you know you can beat any problems on your own. I have found myself relishing those little things that I realized I had given up for him if he didn't like something. At first I was scared to death but soon being able to do what I wanted was so wonderful.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please feel free to PM me if you would like.