Monday, June 6, 2011

Weiner Comes Clean

Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-New York) today finally admitted what he's been wasting everyone's time denying: He likes to send pictures of his namesake to women via Twitter and Facebook.
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This is the one he sent me.

﻿ CNN just published a brief account of Weiner's confession during a press conference, and it's pretty straightforward. There's no byline, but my compliments to the writer who turned the phrase "an incriminating photo of a man's bulging underwear." It's so poetic. It goes on to describe an earlier press conference, in which Weiner played around with the question of why he hadn't reported his allegedly hacked Twitter account to police, as "testy." Which is exactly the word I would use to describe a man talking about his bulging underwear, regardless of the emotional tenor of the conversation. Stand-up work, CNN staff writer.

There's also this gem: "Weiner claimed that he didn't believe he used any government resources while sending various photos to women he'd met online." Oh, Rep. Weiner. Don't sell yourself short. You are a precious government resource. Every last inch of you. And I believe you used yourself to excellent advantage.

The Weiner dog states that he never personally met any of the women he graced with topless and/or bottomless photos, and that he is not going to resign over this matter of his member of the House. This is, however, the same man who demonstrates a tenuous grasp of the word "certitude." Also, he previously apologized for being "a little stiff" with reporters, whereas everybody knows you never use the words "stiff" and "little" in the same sentence if you want to impress the ladies. Or the men. Or Brian Williams.

I don't want to beat this issue. It's been raging long enough. With the Congressman's confession of his boner, we should let it run its course and come to completion. Dab at it with a tissue and zip it up, I say.

On the other hand, I'll bet I could come up with a lot more weiner jokes if I had to. So maybe this isn't the time to go soft on this matter. Rep. Weiner, it's up to you. Tell us what the thrust of our continued coverage should be. Just don't be a dick about it.