Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Okay there isn’t a short way to share this story, so I will just lay it out in all its glory.For those of you who don’t know, children truly do fill your life with joy and light.

My six year old, soon to be seven (and yes to him it is important to distinguish this fact), developed a pretty serious eye blinking problem a year or two back.He has had on going learning hurtles, which he is steadily leaping over, but at that time the “eye blinking” was cause for worry.

It was ruled out as a vision problem, so the question was had he developed a troubling habit or was it far more serious and an uncontrollable tick?The teachers were concerned which had me nervous.So like any neurotic mother I took him to the doctor.

The physician a young, newly promoted from Physician’s Assistant, anxious to cure any and all oddities, determined it was a sign of turrets.My son was to immediately undergo psych evaluation, among other things, (remember he is around 5).My heart felt at war with my brain.My desire to rescue my son from labeling, battled my knowledge of early detection is best.My husband became the diplomatic party, ruling we would adopt a “wait and see” policy.

So we did, and after our own observations we noted it appeared that he blinked most often when he was nervous or anxious about something.So we were mostly right, no need to over react, help him manage his stress, etc.

Okay, let me fast forward to present day, my son now a month from being seven is happy and well adjusted; making personal strides every day.We have been playing outside on a hot summer day and came in for a pop cycle.“Mom do you see spots when you come in?”

“Yeah, sometimes that happens when you’ve been out in the sun.”

He smiles as he takes his first bight of the cherry red treat, “Yep.I can make it happen when I close my eyes too.”

I’m not thinking much about anything right now, just watching and enjoying him, then he demonstrates his talent and an instant flash to the “troubling eye blinking” races through my mind.“Do you do this often?” I ask.

“Uh-hu, when I’m bored.”

“So that’s why you blink like that a lot?”

“Yeah, it’s like fireworks in there!”He runs back out to play and I am left with the freeing gift, that my son gets bored easily, especially during school, homework or when he is getting a lecture from his parents.:D

I am not saying any parent should “wait and see” if they have serious concerns for their children, please don’t mistake my words.My heart is just full of love, joy, laughter and gratitude, which I wanted to share.

Monday, June 3, 2013

The Monday morning rush began earlier than I wanted.Not the same rush as those who have to get out in the real world, but the rush of my daughter’s thirty questions before I’ve brushed my hair or teeth; then the hurry of starting the laundry and the rest of the house work while she is eating breakfast and playing her games.

Somehow the television escaped my attention, left over residual from the morning’s weather check.As I scurried from room to room I could hear early morning shows and commercials screaming out countless things which are wrong with me.Each of my steps began to feel heavier and heavier as I learn that not only is my weight, skin and hair beyond hope, but so are my nails, neck, eyelids, knees, ankles, lips, teeth, style…you name it, it’s wrong and needs help. I clicked the boob tube off, eager for reprieve and hoping my daughter has only been focusing on her own immediate entertainment, rather than hearing the same abusive onslaught I have.

I’m finally back on task, leaned over the abyss known as my tub, where my 3 youngest children decided to go for a swim; yes, equipped with swim wear they had a grand time the night before, and now I am scrubbing the bubble residue.My rear-end jiggling to its own beat, my feet thrashing about struggling to maintain my balance, and though I am out of ear shot from the constant beating my self-esteem was taking from the melodic flow of “helpful” media, the battering of its lashing is still in my subconscious bouncing around its reminders.

I am filled with self-loathing and wishful thinking, almost to the point of doing whatever necessary to obtain the “ideal” me.But then a small voice inside me wondered, whose idea is it anyway?It certainly isn’t mine, or my husband’s.I should and do want to be pretty, but maybe not in the same sense the world sees attractiveness.I want my husband to be proud of me, but if I am the beautiful that God has planned for me, then he will be.

The beauty that God has placed for us begins on the inside and shines outwardly.It is rare, genuine, and that which other’s refer to as “natural beauty”.It is unmistakable and something I want for my children as well as myself.It is not hard to obtain and doesn’t cost a dime.When you are generous, compassionate and full of joy, you possess true beauty.

Some of the most stunning women I’ve ever met where not cover girl material, they weren’t a size five and their skin wasn’t flawless, but to me and many others they were and are the epitome of elegance, and exquisiteness.

I hope to one day come to grips with my body’s shortcomings and embrace what is truly there.I pray to seek God’s idea of beauty rather than the media’s, and in doing so I hope to pass this desire on to my children when they seek beauty for themselves.

Reverse the negatives into positives!It only takes three to feel better about yourself.Don’t let others convince you that you are making excuses, because you are simply accentuating the positives and revealing the truth.