A blog mostly focused on poetry. I am not sure I understand anything else.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Edna St. Vincent Millay Sends a Letter to Emily Dickinson from Kyoto

For Gavin

I must apologize for the delayin writing this. The flight fromNew York was Hell—cramped, full of crying, foodinedible. Still, you get hungry andyou eat, and you receiveconstipation foryour pains. I’m never flyingcoach again. But here

You asked about the temples.Well, they’re gigantic,old and everywhere.They all sell amulets and prayers—long life, fertility, good fortune—the standard wishes.I bought all three for you,dear, and one morewhich shall, for now,remain a mystery.

I rang their bells, smelledtheir smells, found too manymonks attractive. Their groundsoverwhelm the senseswith such tightly controlledforms of beauty: thick bamboogroves, curious flowers,a million varieties of moss.They are about as closeto Heaven you can getwithout jumping offa cliff, I think. If onlythe water in the ponds didn’tseem so still, in certain places,so serene, so stagnant,such big brown eyes ofunfulfilled desires.I would only considerliving here in amissionary capacity.

You asked about the Ryoan-jitemple specifically,that famous rock garden.This puzzled meat first—the whole idea ofplanting rocks outsidecemeteries. I had a lookfor you today.This is what I saw:14 boulders, olderthan anything built byman. They sit on grassmedallions, surrounded bycombed white gravel. The brochuresays there are 15 boulders, butfrom any seated angle just14 are visible. Enlightenmentoccurs when you can see15, rise aboveterrestrial concerns—position, time and place—I sat there for two hoursseeing 14 and I leftmildly frustrated.

Frustrated, that is, untilI wrote the word‘frustrated,’ for you,Emily, up there. Then I sawmy 15th boulder, yes, just then.The word ‘frustrated’ putthe whole thing ina Zen perspective: it is love.Love is the one concernI do find difficultto rise above…