Old people should be tracked by satellite

London - (Rotters): The UK charity Age Concern says that satellite tracking should be used to allow families to monitor elderly relatives, especially those with a tendency to impose themselves on foreign countries on the pretext of yet another totally pointless State Visit at taxpayers' expense.

"We see nothing wrong with fitting the elderly relatives of Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin with transponders so that the cops can keep an eye on them from a safe distance," said the charity's spokeswoman.

"A simple electronic tagging device worn on the ankle similar to that which felons on parole wear could be easily fitted.

"Some of these increasingly geriatric old duffers are known to be ruthless old geezers who need keeping tabs on.

"If we are able to have electronic traffic monitoring for the London Congestion Charge shouldn't we be able to do royal old age pensioner monitoring when there are concerns?

"If we can bring the same technology together there could be useful applications for the welfare state...er..I mean Civil List.

"Of course it would have to look sensitive as we need to avoid a Big Brother approach.

"But in advanced cases of dementia involving Hellfire Club grande dames insisting on being royal shouldn't something a bit drastic be done at last?"

Lord Levy is 69.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

The former corpse and monarch is set to involve himself in the 21st Century by joining various social media.
The king was resurrected by royalist necromancers in 2012 but has maintained a low profile since his return to life.
Richard III was ki...

London- Britney Spears traveled to Britain to address the House of Commons to complain about the structure of the British government.
Spears complains that England is not a true democracy but a false democracy.
"After reading excerpt from Aris...

The Dalai Lama may be a man of few possessions™, but he's hoping to get the better of Anglican Archbishop Justin Welby in a very material manner; while also sticking up for the faithful (at least, the right kind of faithful, anyway).
Attendi...

Distraught Greek bank personnel and managers were spotted carrying begging bowls along the streets of Athens and other major cities in the country!
After refusing to accept the EU's reforms and repayment conditions Greek multi-millionaires and nor...

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh speaking at the opening of a new Greek themed hypermarket, caused much amusement yesterday, when he pulled out what appeared to be a crumpled script from his pocket and read out the following list, apparently not real...

The Vatican well known for it's lofty metaphysical discussions about the meaning of life like whether children will go to hell for masturbating and if women's orgasm are sinful and important philosophical quandaries like that - has now turned to deep...

Somerset Levels, UK - A massive arsenal of IRA weapons including AK-47s, MI6 assault rifles and a Sherman tank has been found by teenagers at the bottom of a British river bed.
13 year-olds Bob Piranna and Warren Nuckles were magnet-fishing on th...

Top health officials have issued a warning to people not to put Toblerones in a fridge. They state that when the triangular chocolate bar becomes cold and hard it can become a "lethal weapon capable of damaging members of the public and even buildin...