Merv the Magician - First HR Manager

By some mystical means, Merv the magician was hired as a security guard – he may have been going through a difficult spell at the time. He looked impressive in his uniform, but company executives quickly recognized that Merv had far more to contribute than walking around the plant, taking notes and looking gruff.

A meeting was arranged. Merv met with the management team and after demonstrating his wizardry, they argued and debated at length how best to use his magical powers to benefit the company. Finally, they agreed that one spell would be granted for each business division, to correct concerns shared by the team.

Sales Division came first. The management team had long been concerned at the sloppiness of sales people in completing paperwork and reports and following administrative requirements, even of the simplest kind. They also thought sales people were too obsessed about their own interests and should be better team players. Merv waved his wand.

The improvement was immediate and incredible. Forms were completed, accurately and neatly. Sales people seemed sincere and caring. They met together to share information and discuss best practices. Unfortunately, the new excellence took time. The number of sales calls reduced significantly and sales figures plummeted. Panic resulted and the spell was cancelled.

Manufacturing Division was next. The team was concerned about an increase in the number of industrial accidents and a sharp increase in Workers’ Compensation costs and potential penalties. Loss of productivity was also serious with so many employees off work. The Manufacturing spell required full compliance with all occupational health and safety requirements. Merv waved his wand.

Shortly after, two accidents happened. One employee slipped on newly painted yellow lines and one fell while measuring the distance between water sprinklers and the racking below. In many places work came to a standstill as office staff taped down cables, and production lines were locked out to make minor changes. With regret, the spell was cancelled, but recognizing that the issue could not be ignored.

Finance Division came under personal attack. Finance people, particularly auditors, were seen as ultra critical and severe and somewhat lacking in humor. The required change was for finance staff to lighten up and act more like partners than critics and be a little more jovial.

What a refreshing change - all smiles and understanding. Finance fun abounded and jokes about bottom lines reached new depths. Unfortunately, adding imaginary zeros to pre-tax profit and yelling “April fool!” to the tax inspector was not an acceptable outcome and the spell was cancelled.

The management team reacted with anger against Merv the magician. He had failed them and the disastrous results following magical intervention had to be dealt with. In rare agreement, they united against Merv the malignant magician who they blamed for everything and told him so.

Merv was incensed, he had given his best magic but with no appreciation whatsoever. He cast one more spell - with crooked finger pointing at the assembled executives, he chanted:

If you fail to talk among yourselves, don’t try to blame someone else. Discuss your problems as a team, make a plan and reach your dream.

With emotion streaming through the point in his hat, the magic hit the management team like thunderbolts and then calm.

The spell was Merv’s best ever. There were immediate improvements affecting all areas of the company. The management team listened to one another and were able to collectively resolve issues and develop solid business plans. The company prospered, the safety record improved and people were happy. It became legend how Merv was able to bring the management team together and save the company from almost inevitable disaster had they continued as before.

The gratitude of the company was overflowing. Merv received awards at the Holiday Party, was given a reserved parking spot for a month and, recognizing his amazing skills and ability to enlighten management, he was promoted and honoured as the first Human Resources manager ever! He will ever have his place in history and in tales of strategic HR magic.

Now this all happened a long time ago, so I cannot fully vouch for the accuracy of this tale. What do you think?