Saturday, July 22, 2006

Hang on to your seatbelts on this one. I have no idea what I'm going write but I have a feeling it will be interesting. And hopefully I will edit it at some point in time.

First though, someone e-mailed me and said I was overdoing the boringness of Jim, Ger and Kev. In order to correct that, I've decided to call them Batman (Jim), The Penguin (Ger), and The Joker (Kev).

So guess what? I get up and look forward to breakfast. Of course I am fully clothed with shoes on so it doesn't take me long to get out and about. I'm starved. And guess what? The Penguin's son and The Joker's son are going to make breakfast. Batman was nowhere to be seen except when he accidently tripped over The Caped Crusader. Breakfast was delish. I don't know what Tyler and Justin did to those hash browns but they were really good. And the eggs. Breakfast is my big meal of the day and so I notice these things. Up to that point in time, Batman made my favourite breakfast of all time, but Tyler and Justin did pretty good. And I can't over-emphasize my love of coffee when camping.

Aah no driving, just get in the canoe and paddle. No motors today and the sun is shining. The Penguin is grousing around and under his breath he's complaining about something or another (something about Karri I presume). Ger is the only one I know who must have coffee, baby duck, beer, whiskey, and herbal tea at hand. At the same time. Of course what does the boring person do (I mean The Joker)? Warns me that this is going to be a treacherous voyage. For just a few minutes I ceded to his alert and I was okay and anyway my breakfast was still getting digested. And I know Batman that I should respect the river and I do but when one has The Joker with one it's tough. And Batman don't worry, The Joker is a joke. The highlight was of canoeing under that tree. That was the highlight of the canoe trip: looking at this huge tree coming at me and wondering if I can duck down enough. Yah I guess Kev isn't that bad really. A small warning: Next year will be my third time and I will be a lot more careless next year. A lot more. One bikes in Toronto every day and one loses ones fear. If The Joker can't take it, fine he'll hold me back.

Lunch. Of course having the previous years lunch that Karri and Gerry made which was the highlight of my canoe trip that year I was expecting something quite good. But Batjim put it the best and I agree. It was still okay. We are canoeing for gawds sakes. We don't need to eat like kings every meal. Maybe The Storm Clan does but really. When you guys get carried away in the evening, it's nice to have a second party to talk to: "Karri-man?" "yes Don" "is that my family getting carried away and pretty well making fools of themselves and making me wonder if I'm adopted or not?" "yes it seems to be them Don" "if I left now would they miss me?" "no, in the morning maybe Don but not now". "gawd I'm glad you are here". I really enjoy having Karri-man around. What would be ideal would be having them supply the chips and dip or something during canoe trip. Just no meals.

The afternoon. None of us wanted it to end. Did I mention The Penguin grousing? Hopefully next year Ger will realize that Karri is going to have a good time and just go with the flow. It was actually kind of nice being with The Joker that afternoon. I think Kev would agree we did well as far as canoeing that weekend. I knew what to do when. So here is the two persons who like to party the most (I think) and we come across this noise from the shore. Karri-women is going from one canoe to another. We both say "wow, I couldn't do that in a million years". And then, agh, we get to this rock bluff. And The Joker says I have to pee. Hello. This is a wall that is sheer. Oh good I'm alone in a canoe, which is not a prob. And he's standing looking at me wondering if I will take off (note: if Kev is with me next year, I'm gone, I'm gonna put some grey hairs on his head). But really, it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. To see Justin, Anita, Col, Tyler, Karri, Jen and others having a party on the shore and me and Kev saying: "let's just go by them, I don't think it's safe to go in there".

And of course we decided we should hide. The Joker wasn't content on just hiding. "Kev?" "yes" "why are we among the frogs and fronds?" "because we are hiding". "guess what, that party upriver is not going to notice that we are among the fronds, in fact I'm not sure they know they are on a river". "okay don, check it out, do you see any civilization?" "they've gone around the bend". "whom?" "civilization".

This a little bit of a highlight of my weekend. We got int0 shore and Kev jumped out and I was slightly worried about the canoe. And Shayna was there holding it for me. An angel. For me of course everything is about hoping Jen and Col and Tyler and Shayna and Justin have a good time. And they seemed to. I hope they did. I wouldn't mind canoeing next year again with The Joker. He's kinda boring but he's okay. I never thought I would say that. Some day I've got to write about Kev and Jim and Ger. They were crazy. Sitting around a suppertime table with Julie too and my Dad. Hello Dolly. It was unique. May I say this? The combination of Roy and Anna made some good kids somehow. Amazing really, they loved me right from the get-go and perhaps there are thousands of uncles as lucky as me. But I don't think so. I do what I do and hopefully live my life the way I like it and hopefuly don't annoy too many people. And to have Jim, Ger and Kev and Julie part of it is God's way of saying: "you didn't quite do it, you tried but it didn't work, good try though but even I didn't realize how annoying they would be, don't break the news to them that they are pretty well useless. I've talked to the person downstairs and he is getting ready for them, he has expanded Hell quite a bit, although he is not sure he's got room for the four of them". "Exactly God, I see where you are coming from and with me here, I take up a lot space, will they ever be allowed up to Heaven?" "Jim is on the borderline, we have a panel judging him at the moment, if he kills another elk then he is staying in Hell forever" "What about Ger God?" "I've got a migraine". "Ger should be here God, but just make sure he's not on any cloud I'm on and we can't leave Julie in hell" "why not?" "well because Heaven is boring, and it really should be spiced up" "who are you by the way, I don't need advice". "God?" "yes" "I have one more request" "this had better be good" "God, I need to bring up one more relative, his name is Kevin" "I'm familiar with him, he doesn't want to come up" "really?" "apparentely he's taken over Hell and Satan is knocking on my door to get in" "God can I go to hell?"

So I mentioned to Kev that I could eventually move out there. If and when I do, I will not be in Creston, it will in the general vicinity of Kev's. "You can't move here". "where" "here" "Kev you may be surprised to hear this but I'd pretty well kill myself before I'd live under the same roof as you and Anita". "what can it take to build me a shack with plumbing?" "plumbing?" "okay forget the plumbing, how about a bed" "a bed?" "would it work if I slept in Max's doghouse and howled at midnight?" "no" "too close?" "yes" "and you would shoot me accidently if I snored while you are naked in the morning" "possibly, yes, for sure".

And so it's a work in progress. I have to figure out how to be invisible and be very, very quiet. What's wrong with a shack with a computer hook-up somewhere on Kev's property? I'd build it of course. I could. A tree house perhaps. I really am quite a builder. I resent that Kev and Anita don't want me there, I would tend their graves quite regularly after I've slit their throats. No they are very nice people I'm sure. I could write. No probably not but gawd it would be fun driving Kev crazy. No, I guess I shouldn't move out there really. Because every single moment of my life when I'm not writing will be spent on making Kev's life hell. And that certainly came to fore at the canoe trip, what a boring person he is. And Ger: cackle, his life will take a sudden veer for the worst. And I have a lot of respect for Jim. And so it will take a little bit of planning to make sure he is comfortable when is gasping for breath while I hang him from his fingernails.

Of course I'm kidding. Everyone just gave off such good vibes that week. The canoe trip was great, but really for me it was about family and I was not disappointed.

And I must tip my hat to Colin. He was amazing. I knew this but it was nice to see again. First up, last to bed. And at Kev's he was there every day after work and even though he was broke he brought six cold Bud. And Justin and Tyler were amazing. I don't know if the boring persons (Jim, Ger and Kev) realize it but the Storm Clan is in good shape. I've met Brandy too, it would be nice if she was at the canoe trip next year.