Elizabeth Davies: Raising lots of kids, but raising them right

Friday

Oct 23, 2009 at 12:01 AMOct 23, 2009 at 11:15 PM

I have two kids and two hands. Presumably, that should be enough. It’s not. On some days, it works out just right that I have two legs — one for each kiddo to sit on. I have two arms — one to wrap around each little child. I have two eyes, which indeed do go in different directions on occasion. And I have two ears, which somehow manage to field requests coming from both directions. But some days, it feels like having two of everything is simply inadequate.

Elizabeth Davies

I have two kids and two hands. Presumably, that should be enough.

It’s not.

On some days, it works out just right that I have two legs — one for each kiddo to sit on. I have two arms — one to wrap around each little child. I have two eyes, which indeed do go in different directions on occasion. And I have two ears, which somehow manage to field requests coming from both directions.

But some days, it feels like having two of everything is simply inadequate. Like when it takes two hands to lift one infant seat out of the car at the precise moment a toddler wants to dash across a busy parking lot. (That’s when I use one mouth rather loudly and command said child to “STOP!”)

Two hands also aren’t enough when it’s time for bedtime snuggles in two different rooms. Or when two slippery bodies go sliding around in a bathtub.

On those days, my mind goes to a mother in Arkansas, whose two hands are stretched far more than mine. Perhaps you’ve seen her on TV. Michelle Duggar is expecting her 19th child.

Yep, you read it right: 19 kids.

Some people are outraged at the size of this family. They say it’s irresponsible, that no one could reasonably afford or properly care for that many children.

Yet if you watch their TLC show, “18 Kids and Counting,” you don’t see the chaos you might expect from such a brood. Rather, it’s quite a pleasant change from the bickering that made another TLC big-family show, “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” so noteworthy.

The Duggars are raising courteous and polite children. They are teaching them to serve others and to be helpful. They are raising children who are better behaved than many American children who have only one or two siblings.

I wanted to know how the Duggars were doing it, so I checked out their Web site and found their list of house rules. Shockingly, only one rule was directed to the kids alone: Share your toys.

Every other rule applied to the entire family, and started with good behavior from the parents on down. And while you might expect the rules to deal with actions, like “No writing on the walls,” they mostly focused instead on attitudes. The idea was, if you have the right attitude, you will produce the right actions.

A few of my favorites are:

- Always do what is right, even when others may not — or when no one is looking.

- Never argue, complain or blame. Quickly admit when you have done wrong and ask for
forgiveness, even if you were only 10 percent at fault.

- Always display kind actions and joyful attitudes, even if you have been mistreated. Have the right response by quickly forgiving others in your heart even before they ask.

I began to wonder what the world would look like if we followed the Duggars’ rules. No doubt, it wouldn’t be easy.

But if one family can teach 19 people to follow those rules, perhaps we can hold ourselves to a higher standard as well.

We need to do more than simply skate through life morally and behaviorally. We should compel one another to approach life with more honesty, vigor and care. We must stop living on autopilot and take a second look at our daily decisions.

Then, perhaps our adult behavior will begin to look like the kind we expect from our kids.