Saturday, March 19, 2005

T-Bird (Part VII)

T-Bird was not to be deterred by a stubborn ass Nanner. She caught me one night right before Halloween as I was modifying one of my dresses for a Halloween party. How dare she follow me home and insinuate herself in my living room? I was still extremely wary. I didn’t have a lot to say through that evening and early morning. I wondered which body snatcher had taken my T-Bird and replaced her with this rational human being.
Who was this woman who was telling me that she was to blame for our problems? Who was this woman who was admitting what a basketcase she is? Who are you? And what did you do with T-Bird?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I circled her like a lioness protecting her cubs. She knew, or so she told me later, if she didn’t grow some brass cajones and basically invade my home and sit there in my face, I would never make the first move to reconcile our relationship. Damn right she was too. Bitch... knows me too fucking well. I had met her halfway for too long, and she knew it. Its not that I wanted her to grovel but I wanted her to know I was fed up and done with the crap. Either she could handle it or she couldn’t.
This certainly did not cure what ailed us... or her... or me. We learned though that silence did not mean we were upset with each other. We were finally on the right path together. Again, when things between Lex and I soured it was T-Bird who was there. (Even now, like when he IM’ed me a few days ago and wanted to "get together" she told me to tell him to "go fuck himself." (Such love.)
It was around that same time that she really, really hit the skids. This was the true test of the "new" people that we were. She ... has a difficult time handling J3 at times. In other words, he’s rotten spoiled and knows how to push her buttons and manipulate her to get his way. Even if it means she’s might kill him. Bob, while not a saint himself, comes awful damn close. He has stuck by her through thick and thin. More thin. He says its because of J3 but that’s a crock of shit. Bob loves her as much today as he did the first day they met. Why? Because he can see her heart. Bob has spent a lot of time on the 12th level of hell. Good man. Mows my grass to piss T-Bird off. (Jealousy? Yes! What? Didn’t think of that?)
One night she was telling me that she had heard the neighbors up the street from her screaming at each other and their baby sitting there squalling during the whole episode. She came home and called the cops. Hmmmm... Not three or four nights later she called me in tizzy. She was fit to be tied over J3. This is one of the things I almost killed her over. I was an eighth of a hair's-breath away from jumping in my car, driving the mile to her house, pulling her into the church parking lot, and opening a can of West Virginia whoop ass.
I don’t remember the exact conversation. Too bad, it was a good one. I told her that if she didn’t shut her pie hole that maybe her neighbors would call the cops on her because she didn’t sound any better and the reason J3 acted the way he did was due to his stellar role model - her. Never ask the Nanner a question you don’t want an answer to. She made that mistake. Stiffly, she said good bye and hung the phone up. I figured this would be it. Either she would call me tomorrow and we would talk about it like adults or we wouldn’t. We did. She admitted that I was 100% right and changes needed to take place.
Change is so hard.
By August, the shit was just flying left and right. I was getting calls from KCZ AND Bob. That means its really bad. I was prepared when T-Bird called in full meltdown. Yes, I had already hashed it out with Bob and KCZ, since I was probably the one person on Earth who could convince her to do the right thing.
I suggested she send J3 to visit her brother in Michigan for a few weeks. Her brother has three girls and could use another man in the house. I told her it wasn’t a sin to need a break or to take one. (Yes, she reminded me that I was no better.) I told her I would take J3 to Michigan and pick him up if need be. I also encouraged her to go into an inpatient/outpatient program at the hospital for depression.
Surprisingly, she didn’t go off the deep end as usual. She really was looking for a way out. She mentioned calling her dad in California. He had never seen J3 maybe they could go visit. Hmmm... I guess that would do. Her dad did agree and actually bought the tickets for them. She counted down the days (so did we.) California would be good for her. Sort of.
First, she realized that the idyllic life she always pictured with her absent father wasn’t so idyllic. His wife is a bitch, her half-brother a spoiled brat, and her step-brother a moron. Ahhh yes, life with dad was not what she had imagined. Still, I think she let go of a lot of old hurt and forged a new relationship with him.
As I made my way through the "peeling of the onion" she followed along at a safe distance. When she saw the difference it made in me, she was compelled as well to discuss, more in depth, her feelings and perceptions and how just because someone else’s perception was different than her’s did not make them any more wrong than her. She started back to beauty school but the stress was too great. She switched to a shorter CNA course and graduated at the top of her class.
Again, doesn’t mean everything is... peachy keen. She melted down two weeks ago over her mom and Bob called me a work, worried she was going to leave and take J3 to a homeless shelter. I told him to stop buying into that shit and to let her and we’d see how fast I filed a petition to remove J3 from her custody. She still won't talk to me about stuff like this. Why? Because she knows I’ll tell her what an idiot she’s being. She’s tried the "homeless shelter" shit before with me and I said, "Go ahead, but you’re not taking J3 anywhere near one of those places when he has a home to stay in, either with his dad, your mom, or me."
Yes, the Nanner has learned how to be brutally honest and not give a shit if she likes it or not.
(Last segment... coming up soon)