What would you say if your 16-year-old daughter announced she was in love? Maybe you’d humor her. Maybe you’d want to know all the juicy details. Maybe you’d want to lay eyes on the fella to see if he’s worth the attention and affection he’s getting.

This much I can say with certainty, though — if I found out that my child’s beau was a 51-year-old man?! I’d probably do one of three things: 1) Call the cops, 2) grab a set of brass knuckles and my GPS, or 3) Call the cops and tell them I’m grabbing my set of brass knuckles and my GPS so that they can have an ambulance in tow when we both get to his house.

But that’s not what country singer slash child bride Courtney Stodden’s father said when she married her boo, 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchison, last month. I repeat: He is 51. She is 16. And her #%@ father is OK with that? Who’s the biggest loser? The freaky groom or the idiot parent?

I mean, what are the chances of two ridiculously gross and irresponsible men crossing paths to create such a nasty situation? It’s not every day that you stumble on a father willing to let his barely-old-enough-to-drive teen get married. To an actor. Who is smack dab in the midst of what I can only guess is a mid-life crisis. The couple calls it “ageless love.” Yeah OK. I call it a reason to grab a stomach-soothing peppermint to keep me from throwing up a little in my mouth.

I cannot even begin to imagine how or why a grown man would pimp his child off to a guy who is 35 years her senior. That means the groom and the father are peers — in fact, Courtney’s dad is 47, four years younger than the dud(e) he allowed his daughter to exchange vows with. I’ve never had a dad myself, but I thought fathers were supposed to be like, extremely overprotective with shotgun in hand to threaten anybody wanting to lay hands on their daughters. Except this guy, I guess.

We can’t even give them a pass because this was some shotgun wedding. Can’t even use that as an excuse because Daddy Dearest made a statement in a show of support: “Courtney is one of the most level-headed girls out there and I’m not just saying that because she’s my daughter. Doug is the nicest man I’ve ever met in my life.”

Ah, nothing like the sacred romance between a level-headed teen and a super nice pedophile. Oh, and don’t hold out hope for the mama having any common sense, because she’s on board too.