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‘Not a Big Fan of Rap’

January 7, 2009 11:29 amJanuary 7, 2009 11:29 am

Monologue |Aired Tuesday night on NBC: Hey, did you see this in the paper? In an interview with the Washington Times, Vice President Dick Cheney said he is not a big fan of rap music. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was stunned by that.

Actually, I’m surprised. I mean, look at the guy. Cheney gets driven around in a limo, he’s surrounded by body guards, shot a guy in the face — he is a rap star.

Well, let’s see what’s going on. Unemployment is up again, especially if you’re the new senator from Illinois trying to go to work.

Well, today on Capitol Hill, Roland Burris, who was appointed by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to fill Barack Obama’s seat, was turned away and denied his seat in the Senate. And the sad thing is this Burris guy is kind of caught in the middle of this whole thing. Because legal analysts say in appointing the senator, Blagojevich may have actually acted legally. He may have acted legally. God, there’s a first time for everything, huh?

Anyway, I love this part. He was turned away because they said he didn’t meet the high standards of the Senate. Gee, I wonder which senator turned him down. Do you think it was the one who embezzled the money? Maybe it was the one who got caught with the hooker?

President-elect Barack Obama has now named former Clinton chief of staff Leon Panetta to be his director of the C.I.A. But a lot of senators are criticizing this because they say Panetta is not an intelligence professional. You know, like President Bush.

And in an interview over the weekend, President Bush revealed that he has a prized collection of over 250 autographed baseballs, which would be very impressive if he were 10.

And the F.D.A. has approved a new drug that will give people longer eyelashes. Well, thank God we are not wasting time and money on cancer research.

And the World Health Organization announced that there is a new outbreak of the bird flu. They’re warning people not to pick up any dead birds you see lying on the ground. Well, there goes my weekend!

A lot of environmentalists are now urging people, if you eat meat, to switch from eating hamburgers to eating kangaroo burgers. They say kangaroo meat is better for the environment, and each burger has a little pouch to keep the fries in.

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