"The mark of an immature man is that he would die knobly for a cause. The mark of a mature man is that he would live humbly for one" - Catcher in the Rye
-WARNING WRITER SPELLING CHALLENGED! But Sometimes you have to say "what the fuck!"

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Here is my mantra…. Or song that I listen to when things go bad, I get down, and want to give up.

That's life (that's life), that's what all the people say
You're ridin' high in April, shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune
When I'm back on top, back on top in June
I said that's life (that's life), and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down
'cause this fine old world, it keeps spinnin' around
I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king
I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face
I pick myself up and get back in the race
That's life (that's life), I tell you I can't deny it
I thought of quitting, baby, but my heart just ain't gonna buy it
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly
I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king
I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing
Each time I find myself layin' flat on my face
I just pick myself up and get back in the race
That's life (that's life), that's life and I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cuttin' out but my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothin' shakin' come this here July
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball a-and die
My, my!

I didn’t go to work today, who knows I may be fired. Sometimes I just wake up and I can’t go anywhere, all I want to do is sleep. I can sleep for hours, besides sex, sleep is one of my favorite things to do. Really, I don’t feel that great today, but I kinda just feel overwhelmed too. So many bills, so much to do, sometimes I feel like Im drowning in a lake and Jason Vorhees is swimming closer with a knife, and Im so bogged down from weights that I keep sinking…. Deeper and deeper….

Im not depressed really, just kinda numb. Maybe I should write some poetry?

I want to sleep the day away
Hell what difference does it make?
I’ll dream away to yesterday

I think instead I will share with you some poems I have written. Poetry is truth, it is like having a mirror into someones soul. Maybe you will think my poems are cheesy, well hell, some of them are, but Im gonna put them out there anyway….

This poem I wrote in high school (can anyone say warning signs?). I actually turned this into a teacher in a poetry class.
Silent Death|I yell out for help in the distance
yet my response is silence
and the sounds of lonely echoes
Reflecting back upon my soul’s calling
I pry open my frozen eyes
So I might be able to notice
Some sign of desolate hope
Am I totally blind?
For all I can see is darkness…..
In my decomposition I try to locate strength
I want to reach out
Yet to my despair I find nothing solid to grasp
Only chilling air surrounds me
In silent slow motion I fall
The cement feels cool against my crashing carcass
And the earth stings my bloodied lip
Life is so cold and uncaring
I can not fight it anymore
I feel the pain and then numbness
And I become one with the nothingness…..Here is another poem I wrote in high school

ReflectionYou observe the fear in her eyes
And try to ignore her ominous presence
Passing whispers of
“she’s crazy”
“she’s insane”
you pretend not to notice
disregard the fires that you see
the twisted face
hammering eyes with unseen pain
reminding you of something
you lost at the tip of your tongue years ago

in passing
you always turn your head
as not to stare
yet
not this time
a strange twist of fate
results in the locking of eyes
seducing you to stare
into the heart of all her
obscenities and laughing anger

she laughs at you
“Why pretend anymore?”
“I will never go away”
with that it is all over
you can bear her no longer
you snap,
so
with shaking hands
your reflection in the mirror you shatterHere is a poem I wrote after my failed marriage

Shame no more

A sharp sting
Glides across my face
With delicate needles
That laugh at my sensitivity

Only property
No identity
A Mrs.
Not a separate human

He has broken me in,
Like old work boots
You see, it took time to learn this.
The rare art of hiding
Bruised arms
In 90 degree heat

When I look in the mirror
I can only see shadows
For the child so lost
And abandoned by her family
Has shriveled into a tiny ball
And does not live here anymore

He has taken my family
My friends, my pride
And my soul
But I can still feel a heart
Beating beneath the layers
I now pretend to be
It beats in hiding
Awaiting the time when the child
Will wake up
And reclaim life
As she is entitled.

Here is a poem I wrote for my brother… about 10 years ago

Brother of Mine

Years of pretending
Aching inside
Blue from exhaustion.
To survive
We viewed life only in the present
To warp reality from the truth.

Many times my eyes rested upon
Your broken face,
Steaming with confusion

How did it feel to be labeled a sinner?
Did you cry inside like I did
While being strangled by authority?
Did your sea of bruises hurt more on the inside
Than at the fleshy surface?

Now we forget
Or claim temporary sanity
Living adult lives
While lurking in the shadows
Never looking back
At our screaming souls

We profess personal effigy
To prove wrong
The destiny decided for us
In our teenage fate

Day after day
Beat upon
Our fragile teenage minds
We had no choice but to submit

Now no one holds us hostage
Besides a tainted history
For if a child does not forgive their abuser
They never truly become adults
All hostages must forgive their captures
In order to be truly free

We must forgive
To grow up

Here is my favorite poem of all time….Richard Corey by Edwin Arlington Robinson. I fell in love with this poem in high school, and it still sends chills up my spine to read it.

Richard Corey

WHENEVER Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed, 5
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace: 10
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, 15
Went home and put a bullet through his head. BlogaramaVisit my Guestbook

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Okay, so Im feeling frisky again...so watch out! As such some rad grrrls and I started a female collective blog “Sexy Tomatoes”. Debra describes it “Sexy & informative, easy and fun reading for all. Basically a little crazy and some personal stuff is reading along the line of what might be found is classic erotic literature, but not smut”.

Here is our intentVadergrrrl & I are working on building up a collective of thoughts, ideas, and info about sexual liberation and female sexuality, what the hope of this is to not only share information with others, but to make it interesting as well... which means while we're not looking to see smut, we are looking for sexy talk to spice up the facts and stories that will be shared.

At Sexy Tomatoes! Grrrls kick ass and we're going to prove it!

So, while Im busy writing my first post for Sexy Tomatoes on the joys of female orgasm, I will leave you with this tantalizing piece, submitted to me via email. I didn’t write this, it was sent to me by another blogger…. Im not sure if he wants credit or not, so I will let him decide in the comments….

How to please your man with Oral SexLesson 1 -- The Basics
The most important thing about sucking a man's cock (or anything else sexual, in my opinion) is to be totally into it. You have to convince him that you absolutely adore what you're doing,
can't get enough of it, would die without it. Be dirty, filthy, a slut, a whore (but a high class, expensive one, of course, willing to give it to him for free, just this once). After all, most guys' ideas about
sex were formed by watching porn movies -- you may want to check a few out to get the hang of what men fantasize about. But the main thing is, make love to his cock, worship it...don't act like you're just
trying to get it over with. You have to get inside his head, fuck his brain while your sucking his cock. Look up at him a lot, whenever you can, with your best "fuck me" look (c'mon girls, you know how
to do that!). Tell him with your eyes how hot this makes you, and how much you're enjoying it.
Lesson 2 -- Foreplay
You really want to take your time with this part...a nice, slow build-up will pay big dividends later. Look at him and ever so slowly circle your lips with your tongue. Then take a nice long trip around his
body with your mouth, your tongue, your hands, your breasts...play with his nipples, his bellybutton, his inner thighs, his fingers, his toes, anything and everything. I particularly like licking and sucking on a
middle finger, very suggestively, eyes locked on his. Move your mouth to his ear, breathe hotly, lash your tongue around inside....and then whisper something slow and shocking, like "I'm gonna suck you
off....". When you finally arrive between his legs, stay away from his cock at first. Concentrate first on his balls, licking them, sucking them gently into your mouth, getting them nice and wet. When you're
ready, begin tracing up and down the shaft with your tongue, or nibble on it with your lips. Flick your tongue against it quickly for a change of pace...there's a niiiiiice sensitive spot just below the head,
on the underside. Sometimes he'll get a little droplet of pre-cum on the tip of his cock...it's fun to play with it, touching it with your tongue and pulling away. Maybe a little silvery strand of it will come away
with your tongue. Nibble for awhile on the head with your lips before you suck him into your mouth....circle it lazily with your tongue. Some men think it's sexy if you kind of slap it wetly against your outstretched tongue, or you can rub it around on your face. You might also slide
his dick between your breasts, moving up and down on it, pressing them together with your hands.
Lesson 3 -- Wetness
Never forget, everything should be wet, wet, wet!! Saliva everywhere! His cock should be dripping and glistening with moisture. Your mouth and lips and cheeks and hair should be wet. I think it's sexy sometimes to let saliva drip down from your mouth onto the head of his cock, and then stroke it with your hand, or just slurp it back into your mouth. If you're really feeling nasty, you can even spit on it and then attack it with your mouth, sucking him quick and hard...this is fun sometimes and helps get across the impression that you're being driven absolutely insane with lust, in grave danger of losing control, rushing out the door, and offering to fuck every male on the planet!
Lesson 4 -- No Teeth!
In my experience, most guys don't like teeth marks on their prized possessions. Maybe a playful little nibble now and then, but mostly, I think your mouth should feel like a nice, tight, wet pussy, only better
(after all, your vagina doesn't have a tongue in it and can't suck on him as nicely as your mouth can). So open your mouth wide and purse your lips around him...guys love the sight of your lips
pressed around him and you cheeks hollowing as his hard cock slides in and out of your mouth, your tongue teasing him on each stroke. Look up at him and treat him to the sight of his massive,
throbbing cock buried in your face, your lips stretched tightly around it.
Lesson 5 -- Rhythm
Another key, once you really get down to business, is to establish a nice, steady rhythm, in and out, in and out, in and out....Not too fast, take your time, but set a pace and stick to it. Let him know that you
don't care how long it takes....you'd love to suck his cock until hell freezes. After awhile you can gradually accelerate. Make nice, wet slurping noises as you suck him. By the way, you don't have to take
him too deep at first, but most guys seem to like it so you might want to practice a little. Personally, I don't mind letting him nudge the back of my throat a little. Moving your fingers and/or fingernails on the
shaft in rhythm with your sucking is also nice if your mouth is too small to take him deeply. This is one time when smaller cocks have they're advantages!
Lesson 6 -- Tease!!
Don't you dare let him cum too soon! You have to TEASE!! If you think he's getting close (most guys are dead giveaways -- they're thighs tremble), ease off, take him out of your mouth, and
flick your tongue against the head of his cock, looking up and smiling teasingly....or you can nibble on the shaft, tickle or suck on his balls, almost anything. This will give your jaw muscles time to relax,
in case you were wondering. This is also another good time to take him between your breasts...or you can rub the head of his cock against your nipples (mine are always as hard as pebbles at this
point!) When he calms down a bit, you can pick up where you left off. Make a game out of it....se if you can get him to a fever pitch, just on the brink of cumming, and keep him there as long as you can,
ready to explode like a geyser! But above all, stay in control. Don't let him grab your head and start fucking your mouth (that's the subject of an advanced lesson!) Let him know that you're in
charge, that you won't disappoint him, and that his reward is coming, so to speak. You can taunt him with your voice, too....ask him if he wants to cum, or if he likes what you're doing to him. Or just give him little moans and gasps now and then, to make him think you're about to cum yourself just from sucking him off (I almost did once, I swear!).
Lesson 7 -- Don't Forget the Nether Region
Some guys will deny this, but most males love to have a girl play around with their butts. During foreplay, if you're the adventurous type and he's squeaky clean, you can lick around his asshole or even stiffen your tongue and do a little gentle (or not so gentle) probing. When you suck on his cock, a wet finger easing into his ass can work wonders...but you may want to save this for the....uh....moment of truth. Some guys go right over the edge just from the thought that the girl he always thought was so sweet and innocent could be so incredibly nasty!
Lesson 8 -- The Grand Finale
Once you've teased him until he's literally begging for mercy, it's time for the main event! I like to release him at this point, look into his eyes adoringly, and whisper in no uncertain terms exactly what I'm about to do. Tell him something like "I want you to cum", or "I want to taste you"....accentuate every syllable. Or ask him if he'd like to cum in your mouth, or all over your face, or wherever. Don't mince words. Now, you can be aggressive...plunge your mouth down on him, suck him hard and fast...use your hands, your fingers, squeeze his balls, tease is asshole, or slide that finger into him....in short, pull out all the stops. He's utterly helpless, he can't stop you, all he can do is let it happen. And don't be afraid....this is the best part, that feeling at the moment his balls tighten up, filled with hot cum, and his cock lurches and expands suddenly in your mouth, and his whole body is taut like a bowstring! I always hear a drum roll in my head at this point.
Lesson 9 -- The Truth about Cum
I have never met a man who wasn't convinced that his cum was a combination of honey, facial cream, and the nectar of the gods. You must think of it the same way. You crave it, must have it, will kill for
it, the more the merrier! You want to drown in it, play in it, let it cover you, all hot, creamy and sexy. As for the taste, it really doesn't taste like much...kind of salty, maybe, but not offensive. No matter....as far
as he knows, you think it's absolutely heavenly!
He may want to cum in your mouth, and that's OK (I'm assuming, by the way, that this guy is certifiably disease free...if he's not, you should never have gotten this far!). But most guys seem to get off on
watching it spurt out on your face, on your tongue, in your hair, on your breasts, etc., etc. Soooo, give him what he wants, with a look of rapture on your sweet lips as his cum splashes on you, oozes down
your chin, drips down onto your nipple. Grip his cock with one hand and stroke him rhthmically as he cums, unless he's already doing this himself (which is kinda sexy to watch). Some guys cum in big,
thick, strong spurts (especially if you followed these instructions to the letter!), while in other cases, it might just kind of ooze out. The more he cums, the prouder he'll be of himself, so be appropriately
awestruck at his monster load of love juice. Let your tongue play in it, swirl it around, collect it with your fingers, suck gobs of it into your mouth and then let it ooze out between your lips while you gaze up
at him. You can swallow it if you want (after playing with it awhile) but you don't have to....just don't spit it out like it was disgusting or something.
Lesson 10 -- The Aftermath
As his orgasm subsides, you can suck him back into your mouth, but be gentle....he may be a bit sensitive at this point. Otherwise, content yourself with licking up any little traces of cum, or just lazily
run your tongue up and down the shaft, or suck on his balls...take your time, don't be in a hurry. Leave his cum on your face, maybe running your tongue around your lips, licking at it or rubbing it with a
finger. If he's half a man, he'll yank you up to him and shower you with kisses and tell you what a goddess you are. Just smile like the Mona Lisa and ask him innocently if he liked it. And be sure to tell
him how much you love the taste of his cum.
At this point, he should be ready to reciprocate, and if he's not, you should seriously consider throwing him out on his lazy, selfish butt! Trust me, if you do this right, he will be your slave, and all of his
friends will be waiting in line for their turn!

Monday, July 05, 2004

"Long live the rose that grew from the concrete when no one else ever cared."Tupac Amaru Shakur

I wish I could take tha pain away
If you can make it through tha night, there's a brighter day
everything'll be alright if ya hold on
it's a struggle
everyday gotta roll on

Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real. Tupac Shakur

"All good niggers, all the niggers who change the world, die in violence. They don't die in regular ways."Tupac Shakur in Details magazine interview, spring 1996.

Tupac changed my lifeI wasn’t going to post anything for a while, Im still fighting this depression, and a night at the redneck/sailor bar drunk of vodka did nothing but make me feel worse. Sometimes, music can bring you further down, other times it can inspire you and help you keep going. This was the case when I came home and found my son had downloaded the song by Tupac Shakur “Dear Momma|”. I have listened to that song over and over, this weekend, sometimes in tears other times with love and inspiration. Tupac was a lyrical genius, a influential profit who was a mater at both inspiration and shock and awe. His, life, like many young black males was cut short by violence, but his words will forever live on, and his messages continue to leave deep impact on our society.

Thug Words of WisdomIm sharing some of his inspirational and discerning lyrics with you, so maybe we can all learn from these wise and poignant words. Thank you Tupac for helping to bring me out of this depression. Through your words, I have found solace, peace, and the resilience to keep fighting in this game of life. Forever your soldja……..

Tupac FactsTupac's given name was Lesane Crooks. He was the son of Afeni Shakur (government name Alice Fay Walker) who was one of the defendants at the Panther 21 trial.

Tupac studied drama at Baltimore's School For The Arts, where he rapped under the name MC New York.

At the Baltimore School of the arts, Tupac met Jada Pinkett, who would become a close friend of his

Tupac was planned to act in the movies Cool Runnings, Higher Learning, Menace II Society and How To Be A Player.

As a young man, Tupac also studied ballet and dance.

Tupac Amaru Shakur was named after an Inca Indian chief, "Tupac Amaru" means "Shining serpent" and "Shakur" means "thankful to god" in Arabic.

When Tupac was 12 years old, his mother enrolled him in Harlems 127thSt Ensemble. He played Travis in "A Raisin in The Sun" in his first acting role.

While he was with Digital Underground, someone once shoved a 12 gauge shotgun in Tupac's face because of a dispute over a woman at a Martin Luther King Jr festival.

Tupac said the individual letters in his THUG LIFE tattoo stood for "The Hate U Give Little Infants F-ck Everybody"

Tupac said that because of his moms ties with the Black Panthers, the FBI was always after him and his family.

Tupac wrote his hit song "Dear Mama" while in prison.

Tupacs first appearance ever was on Digital Underground's Same Song where he raps wearing West African war clothes in the video.

Kidada Jones, daughter of Quincy Jones and fiancé of Tupac, has a tattoo of Tupac on her arm.

Tupac was a big fan of Jim Carrey

Porn Star Spontaneous XXXStacy, who's been in mags like Portfolioand Players has a tattoo on her arm with Tupacs name and the title of the song "Keep Ya Head Up."

Tupac has a huge cross on his back that says Exodus 18:11 a reference to where the bible says "Now I know That the Lord is Greater Than All Gods because he delivered the people from the hands of the Egyptians when they dealt with them arrogantly."

Tupac started his career on Tommy Boy Records with Digital Underground.

Tupac was first inspired to rap when a friend of his was killed while he was playing with a gun. His first rap was about gun control.

When he first moved to California, Tupac was homeless for 2 years.

In the movie Juice, Tupac plays Bishop and said the now famous line "Yeah I'm crazy, but you know what? I don't give a f-ck."

"Everybody's at war with different things...I'm at war with my own heart sometimes". Tupac Shakur in Vibe interview 2/96

Tupac Shakur - Dear Mama LyricsYou are appreciated...

When I was young, me and my mama had beef
17 years old kicked out on tha streets
though back in tha time, I never thought I'd see her face
ain't a woman alive that can take my momma's place
suspended from school, scared ta go home
I was a fool with tha big boys breaking all tha rules
shed tears with my baby sister
over tha years we wuz poorer than tha other little kids
and even though we had different daddies
tha same drama when things went wrong we blamed mama
I reminised on tha stress I caused, it wuz hell
hugg'en on my mama from a jail cell
and who'ed think in elementary, heeeey i'd see tha penitentiary
One day
running from tha Police, that's right
Momma catch me--put a whoop'en to my backside
and even as a crack fiend mama,
ya always was a black queen mama
I finally understand for a woman
it ain't easy--trying ta raise a man
ya always wuz commited, a poor single mother on welfare,
tell me how ya did it
there's no way I can pay ya back
but tha plan is ta show ya that I understand.
you are appreciated......

Ain't nobody tell us it wuz fair
no luv for my daddy, cause tha coward wuzn't there
he passed away and I didn't cry
cause my anger, wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
they say i'm wrong and i'm heartless
but all along I wuz looking for a father--he wuz gone
I hung around with tha thug's and even though they sold drugs
they showed a young brother luv
I moved out and started really hang'in
I needed money of my own so I started slang'in
I ain't guilty cause, even though I sell rocks
It feels good, putting money in your mailbox
I love paying rent when tha rents due
I hope ya got tha diamond necklace that I sent to you
cause when I wuz low, you was there for me
ya never left me alone, cause ya cared for me
and I can see ya coming home after work late
ya in tha kitchen trying ta fix us a hot plate
just working with tha scraps you wuz given
and mama made miracles every Thanksgiving
but now tha road got rough, your alone
trying ta raise two bad kids on your own
and there's no way I can pay ya back
but my plan is ta show ya that I understand
you are appreciated.....

pour out some liquor and I remenise
cause through tha drama, I can always depend on my mama
and when it seems that i'm hopeless
you say tha words that can get me back in focus
when I wuz sick as a little kid
ta keep me happy theres no limit to tha things ya did
and all my childhood memories
are full of all tha sweet things ya did for me
and even though I act craaaazy
I got ta thank tha Lord that ya maaaade me
There are no words that can express how I feel
Ya never kept a secret, always stayed real
and I appreciate how ya raised me
and all tha extra love that ya gave me
I wish I could take tha pain away
If you can make it through tha night, there's a brighter day
everything'll be alright if ya hold on
it's a struggle
everyday gotta roll on
and there's no way I can pay ya back
but my plan is ta show ya that I understand
you are appreciated.......

Tupac Shakur - Keep Ya Head Up Lyrics
Some say tha Blacker tha berry
Tha sweeter tha juice
I say, tha darker tha flesh and tha deeper tha roots
I give a hollar to my sisters on welfare
Tupac cares, but don't nobody else care
I know they like ta beat ya down a lot
And when ya come around tha block brothers clown a lot
But please don't cry, dry ya eyes
Never let up
Forgive but don't forget girl keep ya head up
And when he tells you you ain't nothin
Don't believe him
And if he can't learn ta love ya, you should leave him
Cuz sister you don't need him
I ain't tryin ta gash up, but I just callem how I see 'em
Ya know what makes me unhappy
When brothers make babies
And leave a young mother ta be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman
And out game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women
Do we hate our women ?
I think it's time ta kill for our women
Time ta heal our women
Be real to our women
And if we don't
We'll have a race of babies
That hate tha ladies that make tha babies
And since a man can't make one
He has no right ta tell a woman when and where ta create one
So will tha real men get up
I know your fed up ladies
But keep ya head up

I remember Marvin Gay, usta sing ta me
He had me feelin like black was tha thing ta be
And suddenly tha ghetto didn't seem so tuff
I thought we had it rough, we always had enough
I often huffed and puffed about my curfew and broke tha rules
Ran with tha local crew and had a smoke or two
And realize momma really paid tha price
She nearly gave her life, ta raise me right
And all I had ta give her was my pipe dreams
Of how i'd rock tha mic and make it to tha big screen
I'm tryin ta make a dollar out of fifteen cents
It's hard ta be legit and still pay tha rent
And in tha end it seems i'm headin for tha penn
I try and find my friends, but they're blowin in tha wind
Last night my buddy lost his whole family
It's gonna take tha man in me
Ta conquer this insanity
It seems tha rain will never let up
I try ta Keep My Head Up and still keep from getting wet up
You know it's funny when it rains it pours
They got money for wars, but can't feed tha poor
Sad there ain't no hope for tha youth and tha truth is
There ain't no hope for tha future
And then they wonder why we crazy
I blame my mother, for turning my brother into a crack baby
We ain't meant ta survive, cause it's a setup
And even though ya fed up
Ya got ta Keep Ya Head Up

Tupac Shakur - Life Goes On LyricsHow many brothas fell victim to tha streetz
Rest in peace young nigga
there's a Heaven for a 'G'
be a lie
If I told ya that I never thought of death
my niggas
we tha last ones left
but life goes on.....

How many brothas fell victim to tha streetz
Rest in peace young nigga
there's a Heaven for a 'G'
be a lie
If I told ya that I never thought of death
my niggas
we tha last ones left
but life goes on....

As I bail through tha empty halls
breath stinkin'
in my draws
ring, ring, ring
quiet y'all
incoming call
plus this my homie from high school
he's getting by
It's time to worry
another brotha
nobody cry
life as a baller
alchol and booty calls
we usta do them as adolecents
do you recall ?
raised as G's
loc'ed out and blazed the weed
get on tha roof
let's get smoked out
and blaze with me
2' in tha morning
and we still high assed out
screamin' 'thug till I die'
before I passed out
but now that your gone
i'm in tha zone
thinkin'
'I don't wanna die all alone'
but now ya gone
and all I got left are stinkin' memories
I love them niggas to death
i'm drinkin' Hennessy
while tryin' ta make it last
I drink a 5th for that ass
when you pass...
cause life goes on

Chorus
How many brothas fell victim to tha streetz
Rest in peace young nigga
there's a Heaven for a 'G'
be a lie
If I told ya that I never thought of death
my niggas
we tha last ones left
but life goes on....

How many brothas fell victims to tha streetz
Rest in peace young nigga
there's a Heaven for a 'G'
be a lie
If I told ya that I never thought of death
my niggas
we tha last ones left
and life goes on....

Yeah nigga
I got tha word as hell
ya blew trial and tha judge gave you
25 with an L
time to prepare to do fair time
won't see parole
imagine life as a convict
that's getten' old
plus with tha drama
we're lookin out for your babies mama
taken risks, while keepin' cheap tricks from gettin on her...
life in tha hood...
is all good for nobody
remember gamin' on dumb hoties at chill parties
Me and you
No true a two
while schemeing on hits
and gettin tricks
that maybe we can slide into
but now you burried
rest nigga
cause I ain't worried
eyes bluried
sayin' goodbye at the cemetary
tho' memories fade
I got your name tated on my arm
so we both ball till' my dying days
before I say goodbye
Kato, we're meant to rest in peace
Thug till I die

Chorus
How many brothas fell victim to tha streetz
Rest in peace young nigga
there's a Heaven for a 'G'
be a lie
If I told ya that I never thought of death
my nigga
we tha last ones left
and life goes on....

How many brothas fell victim to tha streetz
Rest in peace young nigga
there's a Heaven for a 'G'
be a lie
If I told ya that I never thought of death
my niggas
we tha last ones left
cause life goes on....

Bury me smilin'
with G's in my pocket
have a party at my funeral
let every rapper rock it
let tha hoes that I usta know
from way before
kiss me from my head to my toe
give me a paper and a pen
so I can write about my life of sin
a couple bottles of Gin
incase I don't get in
tell all my people i'm a Ridah
nobody cries when we die
we outlaws
let me ride
until I get free
I live my life in tha fast lane
got police chasen me
to my niggas from old blocks
from old crews
niggas that guided me through
back in tha old school
pour out some liquor
have a toast for tha homies
see we both gotta die
but ya chose to go before me
and brothas miss ya while you're gone
you left your nigga on his own
how long we mourn
life goes on...

Life goes on homie
gone on, cause they passed away
Niggas doin' life
Niggas doin' 50 and 60 years and shit
I feel ya nigga, trust me
I feel ya
You know what I mean
last year
we poured out liquor for ya
this year nigga, life goes on
we're gonna clock now
get money
evade bitches
evade tricks
give players plenty space
and basicaly just represent for you baby
next time you see your niggas
your gonna be on top nigga
their gonna be like,
'Goddamn, them niggas came up'
that's right baby
life goes on....
and we up out this bitch
hey Kato, Mental
y'all niggas make sure it's popin' when we get up there
don't front.

Tupac Shakur - So Many Tears LyricsI shall fear no man, but God
though I walk through tha valley of death
I shed so many tears
Please God walk with me...

back in Elementary, I thrived on misery
left me alone I grew up amongst a dying breed
as my mind couldn't find a place ta rest
untill I got that Thug Life Planted on my chest
tell me can ya feel me ?
I'm not liven in tha Past, Ya wanna last
Be tha first ta blast, remember Kato
no longer with us he's deseased
call on tha sirens, I seem him murdered in tha streets
now rest in peace
Is there heaven for a 'G' ?
remember me, so many homies in tha cemetary
shed so many tears

Chorus
Lord
I suffer through tha years
and shed so many tears
Lord
I lost so many peers, shed so many tears

Now that i'm strugglin' in this business
by any means, label me greedy gettin green
but seldom seen
and fuck tha world cuz i'm cursed
I'm havin visions of leaven here in a hurse
God can ya feel me ?
take me away from all tha pressure and all tha pain
show me some happiness again
i'm goin' blind
I spend my time in this cell, ain't livin' well
I know my destiny is hell, where did I fail ?
my life is in denial
and when I Die, babtised in Eternal Fire
shed so many tears...

Chorus
Lord
I suffer through tha years
and shed so many tears
Lord
I lost so many peers, shed so many tears

Now i'm lost and i'm weary
so many tears, i'm suicidal, so don't stand near me
my every move is a calculated step
ta bring me closer
to embrace an early death now there's nothing left
there was no mercy on tha streets
I couldn't rest
I'm barely standing, bout to go to pieces, screaming peace
and though my soul was deleted, I couldn't see it
I had my mind full of deamons tryin' ta break free
they planted seeds and they hatched sparking tha flame
in my brain like a match, such a dirty game
no memories, just misery
painting a picture of my enemies killing me in my sleep
will I survive till' tha morning ta see tha sun
please lord forgive me for my sins
cause here I come...

Chorus
Lord
I suffer through tha years
and shed so many tears
Lord
I lost so many peers, shed so many tears

Lord knows i've tried, been a witness ta homicide
drive-bys taken lives, little kids die
wonder why as I walk by
Broken hearted as I glance at tha chaulk line, gettin' high
this ain't tha life for me
I wanna change
but ain't no future right for me
i'm stuck in tha game
i'm trapped inside a maze
see this Tangaray influenced me ta gettin crazy
disillusioned lately
i've been really wanting babies
so I could see a part of me that wasn't always shady
don't trust my lady
cause she's a product of this poison, i'm hearen noises
think she's fucken with my boys, can't take no more
i'm fallin' to tha floor
beggin' for tha Lord ta let me in Heavens door
I shed so many tears...

Chorus
Lord
I lost so many peers
and shed so many tears
I lost so many peers, shed so many tears
fades...
I suffered through tha years and shed so many tears