Friday, December 18, 2009

Just about the wonderful nature of information and knowledge. It’s baffling. Trying to obtain any information within this world, to climb that mountain of knowledge, is like trying to open your eyes against the sun. And what’s so incredible to me is that faith is so entwined with knowledge. It’s obvious that you can’t be an expert on everything, that you cannot know all there is to know. But within that realization comes an inherent faith that there is absolute knowledge, faith that there is a truth to knowledge (whether or not that truth simply is that knowledge exists), and faith that we’ll never know the extent of it.

So we’ve all got a little faith. What we don’t have is fucking intelligence (kick the record spin)."

This is happening as we speak. Something just happened in my life that was important and now I'm blogging about it, maybe cheapening it, but for serious.

Last night I had a big revelation. I had checked my bank account a few days ago and realized I had a set amount of money. I was like. Cool. Awesome. That's some money. What I'd forgotten about was that I hadn't paid rent yet. Then I realized that last night. And freaked out. And realized, "I have no money, this is the scariest thing ever."

So I prayed fervently last night for some help, some way to figure out my financial situation from Heavenly Father.

I just checked my bank account. Whether it was just my eyes, a clerical mistake, some sort of pending check, whatever. Suddenly I have like 200 extra dollars in my bank account.

What in the world. Wow. I usually don't get very personal and spiritual and things like that, or at least anymore. But that was pretty incredible. Your prayers are answered, that is the truth right there.

So I've been living pretty crazily recently. Just. Busy. Insane. Busy. Busier than I think I've ever been busy. And it's been amazing. This is going to be my life and I love it. So. Much. It's so rewarding. I stay up all night reading books, then get up and go make movies/edit movies/talk about movies all day. Sweeeet.

Here's what I've been up to the past week and a half or so:

I shot, edited, and mass produced a documentary. I started a website and wrote three articles for it. I shot, edited, and spammed a promo for my doc/website. I made my brother make me a sweet poster and had it printed ad nauseum. I saw a play. I watched a movie. I wrote a 7 page paper. I wrote two 1 page papers. I read two books. I wrote a three page essay. I made transparencies. I helped make a 16mm movie. I signed up for a feature length film and a short film. I went to a film festival. I met 6 people in one day. I lost my cell phone. I made a few lists. I wrote some things. I stayed up all night. I did my laundry. I went shopping— twice. I played in the snow. I performed rhythmic gymnastics. In the snow.

All in a week. whut. Am I missing anything? Probably. I'm too tired to think right now.

And tomorrow at 11:30 AM, I’m heading up a fake protest on campus, distributing said DVDs and posters, and hoping some people think it’s interesting.

Oh and on Saturday I’ll be playing Hitler in a comedy show at a swank party. You guys should come.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

At first I was insulted and mad about my partner's accusations. But now I just think; well. What else could you ask of me? If you wanted your ideas implemented, don’t just suggest them. Tell me why they would work within our project. Persuade me. Otherwise, then I DO get the impression that it is my project and not ours. Because to me it seems like you are waiting for me to do the next thing. Also, I shouldn’t be insulted by that charge. That “This seems like your project, not ours. You’re taking too much control” thing? Well, so what? That’s what I want to do for a living. Create my ideas. I want to create and sell my ideas. I didn’t have total control. I didn’t want total control. I relegated ideas. You revamped the script. And it looked great. We used it. You’re drafting blog content. Sweet. But overall, yes. This is my fucking project. These are my fucking characters. This will be my. Fucking. Result. So fuck off. This is mine. You made it that way. You let me take control because you didn't step. up.

And this is how I’ll live. Nobody was like “Uh, Achilles? You mind not leading this charge? You’re lookin’ like a dick. Some of us want some glory. Ajax is a little pissy.”

Nobody was like “Hey, dude, you wanna knock that shit out Homer? Some other people want to write epic poems for the first time. Kthanx.”

I’m not Homer and I’m not Achilles, but whatever. Those guys didn’t care. They did what needed to be done. And so will I. At the risk of sounding like an asshole, I will take over the project that I created, and I will make it work. Thanks for helping me, thanks for reigning in my flagrant disregard for self editing, consistency, and my incredible oversight. Thanks for letting me down when I needed communication, commitment, and leadership. And thanks for apologizing. Now let’s get this fucking thing over with.