A bold study: The curious effects of the special relationship on the psyche

I am called to do all sorts of healing. Lately, there’s been a theme emerging, and I do believe I understand what the Holy Spirit is up to, guiding me to study the special relationship. It is quite apparent that much of the world is expecting something from their special relationships.

The special relationships of the world are destructive, selfish, and childishly egocentric. Yet, if given to the Holy Spirit, these relationships can become the holiest things on earth—the miracles that point the way to the return to Heaven. The world uses its special relationships as a final weapon of exclusion and a demonstration of separateness. The Holy Spirit transforms them into perfect lessons in forgiveness and in awakening from the dream. Each one is an opportunity to let perceptions be healed and errors corrected. Each one is another chance to forgive oneself by forgiving the other. And each one becomes still another invitation to the Holy Spirit and to the remembrance of God. – ACIM

My last attempt at a special relationship was in 2009. It exploded in my face, and I would never be the same. I learned volumes from the sick attraction to guilt. Now five years into my experiment of disengaging from the search for the special relationship, I’ve been able to observe my motivations for attempting to form a union with another person. I just want to know and love myself as I am — without another identity attached. I’m a seeker of truth, and when I see through your game, you’ll try to attack me, and then you’ll see my rear end leaving… but in the meantime, I teach, and learn love — and I study you.

Along the way, it seems my intentions have been misunderstood. For any misunderstandings when my involvement in their “personal lives”, met with discontent, I gently remind them that, in their own way, they indicated their willingness to take part in my study of the curious effects of the special relationship. Recent experiences seem to have been arranged with just the ideal type conditions to do some excellent real-life study.

The special relationship is a widely accepted contractual relationship with an ego. The whole idea is that it’s an attempt to exchange services to achieve safety, comfort, pleasure and specialness. The goal, though disguised in lovely wrappings, is to buttress the value of a despised identity suffering from self-debasement. This is the result of body-identification, a result of forgetting one’s true identity. Generally, this happens at childhood, and continues throughout the native’s dreamy existence.

As it goes, the special relationship is formed because the native is unhappy with their old, worn-out identity, so they seek to give their un-interesting identity away in favor of a better identity they prefer. This results in tremendous guilt. It’s a type of union where union is restricted. This justifies further guilt. There’s an attempt to externalize the guilt by dreaming of a heavenly union, then focusing the hatred and anger at God (aka, your brother), in fear of and defending against the actual love of God. The native inevitably attacks out of self-interest to protect the little bit gathered with the other scared soul, so fearful of a dangerous and unkind world. The two seem to exist together, but try diligently to keep the rest of the world away. Anything that threatens the special relationship is shunned and attacked.

Marriage is an attempt at union through the special relationship. I do find the whole idea quite objectionable since it appears to include repeated attacks, with each standing guard and seeking to defend in fearful protection of the tremendous guilt and rage it tries to hide.

The goal, I admit, was to attempt to prove accurate what A Course in Miracles has suggested with this interesting and curious phenomenon. The Course provides a supremely objective perspective, and causes careful study of one’s goals and attempts at ignorance and delay.

Had it not been for the tremendous level of trust that I have earned with some of my bold and courageous friends, this study would have been extremely difficult or impossible.

Everyone is part of the study.

Enjoying good times with friends makes for an excellent backdrop for the study of the special relations, each with their boyfriend or girlfriend, special other, entwined in some dance of the “sacred union” of the world’s offerings, another; at least, serially, and perhaps with no limits, but usually so. In the event of violations, the specialness offered can be withdrawn, and guilt projected, or worse yet, some other overt punishment.

I thank all who participate in my personal studies. You are free to seek marital “bliss” in private lives, each with your special other. I will love you no less, for sure! Indeed, I think so fondly of all of you. You will deal with the guilt of making alliances that violate love, in an attempt to secure isolation, as it is the ego’s way, and we make the choice for holiness, it is inevitable that this is happening — a choice for specialness was made, so we’re not done attacking God.

Ultimately, there really is no need for guilt, but as long as it is cherished, it was considered real.

I’m building relationships that don’t cherish guilt. We support everyone’s freedom of expression. We ask and receive divine guidance. We share a common goal of peace.

In community I find peace through peaceful means * We build relationships on forgiveness – we don’t cherish guilt * We support everyone’s freedom of expression * We ask and receive divine guidance * We share a common goal of peace

My community helps me do experiments that open the mind to its deepest secrets, and makes fun of them with a smile. Those of you know >REALLY< know me, also know my playful nature. I’ve not a wicked bone in my mind/body, and that’s why I’m always in perfect health.

Lately, some of my experiments have been quite bold, and poke fun at what most consider quite sacred turf, and that would be the “courting” ritual.

Mental health is crucial both for enjoying peaceful community and for creating it. We’re the ones shepherding new thought and infusing wisdom from the subconscious mind that then is spread throughout the shared mind in a glorious and powerful way by a force that works for the benefit of all, you and your inheritance.

Do take part in this experiment as you are moved. The mind that understands how it shapes other minds is awake. This mind freely offers the ideas that heal so instead of repeating lies, we sing a happy song becoming holy instruments of peace.