Download A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love by Jon Winokur PDF

Download A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love by Jon Winokur PDF

A compilation of grouchy and hilarious quips and quotations which could make an attractive bedside spouse for someone who has suffered the discomfiture of being in or out of affection. Such outspoken iconoclasts as Sigmund Freud and Woody Allen are quoted on issues similar to relationship and marriage.

Jim Pike was once the world's greatest megastar Trek fan—until excursions of accountability in Afghanistan destroyed his religion within the human race. Now he sleepwalks via lifestyles because the assistant supervisor of a small inn in downtown Houston.

but if hundreds and hundreds of Trekkies arrive in his foyer for a science-fiction conference, Jim unearths himself surrounded via costumed Klingons, Vulcans, and Ferengi—plus an odd virus that transforms its vendors into savage, flesh-eating zombies!

As bloody corpses stumble to existence and the planet teeters on the point of overall apocalypse, Jim needs to convey a ragtag group of fanboys and fangirls to protection. wearing selfmade uniforms and armed with prop phasers, their leading directive is to outlive. yet how lengthy can they final within the final no-win situation?

*This is an unique paintings of fiction, horror, and parody, and isn't formally subsidized through, affiliated with, or recommended via the vendors of the celebrity Trek® model.

Get revenge on all of your demanding coworkers with this consultant to one hundred and one amazing place of work pranks.

Are your eyes commencing to glaze over from the fluorescent lighting on your tiny cubicle? have you ever had one too many burnt cups of espresso? Does the man within the dice subsequent to you insist on pencil-drumming whereas cranking "Hells Bells" and five-finger discounting your paper clips? in the event that your resolution to any of those questions is sure, then you're short of a few Cubicle Warfare.

With Cubicle battle, you'll by no means be bored on the place of work back. Make your coworkers bounce, squeal, and run for defense with hilarious pranks resembling the Paper Clip Chain, Bottomless field, and the Sticky observe workplace, in addition to the extra complex Freezer Bomb, Chair Chaos, and Textless Keyboard. no matter if you're no longer a prankster your self, possible use this riotous consultant to acknowledge the symptoms and protect your table from conniving coworkers. undesirable days on the place of work should be something of the previous.

A wild number of brief and not-so-short tales from slapstick comedian Patrick F. McManus.

The Horse in My storage and different Stories is a hilarious addition to Patrick F. McManus’s current paintings in humor. the writer weighs in on his adolescence, way of life, and outside stories along with his general exaggerated observation that may elicit a stomach snigger from every kind of readers.
Read in regards to the antics of Patrick’s associates Rancid Crabtree and Retch Sweeney in such tales as “Shaping Up for the Hunt” and “Bear Hunters. ” McManus performs off the hot obsession with hoarders in his incredible tale “The girl Who stored issues. ” within the titular tale, meet Patrick’s horse, Huckleberry, and luxuriate in the adventure of all of the difficulties that come in addition to possessing your individual horse—or preserving him within the garage.

Other nice tales include:
• “Catch-And-Eaters,” concerning the value of a forked stick whilst fishing
• “$7000 television old Extravaganza,” a glance at one director’s unfastened interpretation of ancient accuracy and political correctness
• “A Lake Too Far,” in regards to the woes of Patrick and his spouse, Bun, on a fateful birding journey in Australia
• “Chicken Chronicles,” which comprises Patrick’s reminiscence of wandering round bare within the poultry backyard whilst site visitors got here to call

So pull up a chair, chill out, and revel in giggling to the hilarious adventures of Patrick F. McManus within the Horse in My storage and different Stories.

Chic-tionary is a darling little dictionary of style and wonder phrases you by no means knew existed. It takes its notion from the odd and a laugh language of favor humans like Tyra Banks (smize), guy Repeller (arm party), and André Leon Tally (dreckitude), and comprises greater than 2 hundred made-up acronyms, abbreviations, and afflictions which are sure to go away an indelible glitter stain at the English language.

Dear gymnasts, You could be doing those handstands over a beer keg! Oh, all that talent wasted on not getting wasted! Sincerely drunk, HogWild BRONZE-MEDAL DRINKING GAMES 45 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 46 GAME 12 Track and Field— Hurdles of Beer Are you aware that many of the world’s top track stars ice their nipples before a race to get a slight advantage? Okay, I made that up, but it would be awesome to hear the TV announcer shout, “ . . ” How to Play Set up a track with beers in each lane.

If the beer falls to the ground, scramble to snatch it up! No hitting or activity of any kind is allowed except the one hand wrapped around the beer. The loser must stick his face near the can of beer, and the winner then shakes it and opens it, squirting the loser with the snatch. Then the loser must chug the beer! After I chug a few beers I’m really good with girls. For instance, I knew this girl liked me because, as I talked to her, she kept looking at her watch! That’s right, baby, time flies when you’re having fun!

Think of the proud, refined history and art of horse riding as you proceed to act like a horse’s ass. How to Play Each team has one player down on all fours as the horse, with a second player riding on top of him as the jockey. The jockey must hold a can of beer while riding. If the jockey falls off the horse, the horse must immediately stop and wait for the jockey to remount. The first team to cross the finish line is the winner. The losers must neigh like angry horses and chug a beer. Ya know, being a jockey isn’t easy.