Poor people have discovered that there's no way to see a doctor for
a painful condition and get treated quickly. Not if you're poor! Unless
you go to EMERGENCY HOSPITAL and claim to be in deep pain, and only way
in is the BIG, DRAMATIC ENTRANCE. I know, it stinks but you virtually have
to lie to 911 and call an ambulance!. That's hard to do for us poor uns.
The Chronically Disenfranchised don't have that kind of chutzpah!
Or personality. But a poor woman in IDAHO assures me, you cannot WALK into
an E.R. under your own power and expect to be seen for GUT PAIN. It may
happen but then again it MAY NOT. But come in an ambulance, clutching your
side, 'unable to walk' and you get some attention. THE MRI's go to those
people. Often, they'll give you pain killers and refer you to a doctor
in the abutting clinic, and that's good too. To go in under a referral
to a doctor.

But the E.R. RHUMBA is for folks who have stones. For instance, I needed
a dentist and a doctor last week. I had tremendous tooth pain.
Guantanamo
sized SEIZURES of absolutely nauseating tooth nerves were crying out, dangerous
for me as any infection in the jaw affects the heart.. I have missing heart
valves so we are the people who cannot have pus descending from the jaw
into the heart and that kind of toxicity can kill us instantly.

How was I to get a doctor FAST? I emailed my pal the card-carrying
pal the know it all SURVIVOR lady, "My medicare card will get me hospitals
for a medical appointment that's weeks away, but no dental, no way to get
tooth pulled. No tooth work whatsoever!

She answered: "Apply to Soc Security for the dental card. They have
them. They give you an OK, then you call your local DPSS with the new "YOUR
DENTAL ACCOUNT number" that the Soc. SEcure gave you but if you need help
fast and are too shaky to drive, 911 is required by law to pick you up
in an ambulance. They will (at your place, or wherever you call from,

I told her well that sounds fun, larky like you but I'm writing a serious
article. I'd have to take out all the fun stuff. Have you tried this yourself?

I have not. I was an EMT and picked up blue haired old ladies
in Stamford, CT
who got dressed up to see their drs and got their hair done, packed
a little suitcase & called 911.
Plenty of times, once twice in a day. I took their vitals the
second time at the E.R & asked why they called 911 exactly? They explained
Medicare would pay for an ambulance ride, but it wouldn't pay for a taxi.

OK, so tell me the way it's done. And then, this ex EMT gal explained
the entire riff.

"Here's how you get a doctor fast. Fall down on
wet floor in the grocery store with witnesses, take your vital signs (this
is heartrate, blood pressure, basics) and then when you arrive at hosp
they are required to do that again. Once the ambulance people do your vitals
that 2nd time & you got the free ride to hosp CHANGE YOUR CHIEF COMPLAINT
and very loudly start complaining of chest pain. Scream (actress!) that
you think you're having a heart attack. Let doctors do a full EKG work-up
on you (it'll take 20 mins, so easy nowdays) and then CHANGE your CHief
Complaint again to being about your dizzyness, shooting pain, jaw, chest,etc.
If they will NOT let you change your chief complaint (sorry ma'am we already
saw you for your one ambulance turn, run along) go ahead, right outside
the hospital, call 911 for an ambulance again. Another turn on the ambulance,
vital signs check again twice, and they'll give you right back to the E.R.
It is the law. Do this until they help you."

No, I've seen it done successfully by wily coyote
seniors.. OK, you ready for the little details? They are these: Always
have a plan for the pets you have in your home, in case they keep
you 24 hrs for observation. So you want a cell phone to activate your cat
keeper with a single dial up.

NEXT, little details. Be polite and light both.
DO NOT come across as loony or they'll put you in the f-ing loony tank
24 hrs and give you no medical care, just "observation" to make sure you
don't harm yourself or others. Once you get a qualified Dr helping you
SHUT UP. Don't exhaust him/her with sob stories of poor senior health care
or "idiot bankers" or any of your trevails. Just help them find the source
of your infection.

If you're tidy and sweet you'll make them think
of you as their own sweet grandmother in need of help. Take a moment to
fix up before doing this. Look nice, wear lipstick. You may get a referral
to an oral surgeon or periodontist INSTEAD of a plain dentist. That would
get covered. Also, in NYC poor people get prescribed Ibuprofen (Advil's
name) so they can get it free or with their co-pay. Otherwise it would
cost $$ ! Where is your daughter Paloma in all this? I thought you said she was making
great money. And you said Courtney Love paid you royally for the last 6 years & was all caught up....but
that was 2006....so I'mbehind the times.

So Bring a good book with you.
do NOT be a bothersome pest to docs or nurses, plenty of whom are your
age & do NOT consider themselves seniors and won't have much sympathy
for you. YOU are USINGthe LAW which is that they have to help you at
a certain minimum...then you will re-use it (calling 911 again soon after
release) for more helpwith the dental pain. They see hundreds of people
mis-using the system each day trying to get pain meds they can sell
on the black market, orthat they are addicted to. The fact that you
need pain meds will send a red flag & a team of irritating young doctors
(residents) will come into use their anti-pain meds jargon on you. "Are
you sure you really needit? On a scale of 1-10, what's your pain like?"
They are talking to you to see if they think you are an addict. The more
friendly & cheerful youare at this point, the less they think you are
in real pain. Snap at them horribly, and they'll write in your chart
"addict behavior." Playyour cards right, everyone's sweet grandmother
who fears the dentist & that's what has kept her away from dental care!
Think this out & knowhow you want to present. Get all your stuff together,
prepare kids/ cats for 24 hrs without you & call 911 from a good
spot with plenty of witnesses. First have a slip and fall. Have a pretend heart
attack. Have attentionto the dental infection. I see this as possibly
3 separate 911 calls. Then you'll top it off with a 24 hr stay in the think tank
for acting just too weirdat the end when your blood sugar drops and you
snap at a nurse that you'll strangle her. I'm kidding about that last
part. Ask for fruitjuice. DO whatever you can. Last bit of advice.
Do this RIGHT NOW do NOT wait until weekend. All E.Rs are
zoos on weekends, esp incities. Fri & Sat night there is nowhere
worse to be than the E.R. That's why you get the poor unlucky stiffs with
no seniority who drew those ugly shifts. No seniority also means drs
& nurses with littleexperience. Hardly the experts who are there
now on day shift. They are dealing with gunshot wounds, domestic violence,
etc. Trust me. Go getthis over with and be home with pain meds by
5pm. I hope everyone treats you well. Keep a tiny notebook in your purse.
Get the correct spellingof everyone who treats you or looks at you the
wrong way in case today is going to turn into a lawsuit of epic proportions.
;-) note nametagsGood luck, I'm pulling for you. This is still
America. They made itso we have to use 911 now, so use the system
to your advantage. By the way, do not tell them about any pre existing
conditions. Alwaystell them you HURT but you don't know why.
Let them discover those conditions as if it were a brand new ailment.
Be surprised when they tell you.THE REASON IS, the whole medical system is prepared
to dislike anyone who has a malady they know about and shows up
looking for freebie help.

Very interesting. Another friend wrote me, "SIGN
UP FOR FOOD STAMPS and VITAMINSUPPLEMENTS so it doesn't GET TO where you're
ill"

He has a point. I have been
unable to buy romaine
salad for months, it's too costly. Luckily my arugula which grows flash
fast and reseeds itself, gave me enough seeds to plant in AUGUST when
the
heat abated somewhat, and I got baby plants in areas where I'd put some
potting soil (I trade baby citrus trees for bags of potting soil,) My
orange and UGLI GRAPEFRUIT tree give me a great daily beverage. And I now do have salad daily.Food stamps would be a delight though, for
me and the cats. SSI DISABLED monthly CHECK for 540$ says I am over the limit to get Food Stamps. Couldn't get to a market anyway. My 83 Honda civic wasn't
street legal, (smog certificate, costly tags,)
and to get to WELFARE OFFICE to sign up, park somewhere safe where tags
cannot cause car to be taken/ towed...hard to do. My 4 Kids are in other
states, unable to drive me to market. But for you all, if no disabled
status, you can get food stamps --
SEE: THE FOOD STAMP PROGRAM, HOW TO DO IT,
GOV'S FREE "SNAP" PROGRAM

NOTE
It's 2015, as I rewrite this. Still no car. Still no food stamps. Obama
lowered DISABLED check to 539$. Still haven't gone to dentist, I
medicate a bad tooth I've had for TEN YEARS, so it won't become too bad
of a jaw infection ---heal it using daily citrus juice, tree-ripened, until it falls off the tree. I do not eat any citrus ON the tree. It is fresh squeezed.
Though I have been known to bottle a few cups for the week. As for
seeing docs, I would have to use ambulance if I at age 75, got ill. The
L.A. Cops took my car in 2010. (No license, no tags, no insurance, I deserved to be a car-less senior in their eyes). Couldn't get to a hospital if I needed one. I've found biking
is too dangerous ---to go a mile and a quarter to supermarket. Seniors
easily go over the handlebars, especially with bags of groceries
swinging from their shoulders. So I eat arugula and oranges, cook up year old beans and stay healthy. But I know that ambulance ride is there if I need it. FREE. The way I like it.