~ A site for women interested in a red pill perspective (where men are welcome too!)

Moms Need Dads

Last Father’s Day I did a post on why kids need their dads. This year I am going to focus on why moms need their kid’s dads, too!

(And yes, I know, I am a single mom. So if I think kid’s need their dad’s, where are mine? Well, that’s a long story and one I am not going to go into here. But it is because of my living as a single mom that I know firsthand the ways dads are a huge asset to moms, and so that is what I would like to focus on rather than my personal story and mistakes.)

Before I had children, I did not realize how much time and attention and energy children take. It is hard to explain to someone without children. But after having children myself I realized why women didn’t rule the world. They were too busy with children. And that’s not a bad thing.

I also realized why it is good for the man to be the leader in the family, because once mom has children (which was not really a choice up until 40 years ago, so all this is ancient programming) she really NEEDS someone else to take the lead so she can focus on the offspring.

And so the division of labor began, not out of oppression, but out of necessity. Women who are pregnant or who have young children simply cannot hunt. How on earth could a woman hunt with a howling offspring scaring off any game long before she can get close enough to catch it? Today, hunting has been replaced by a indirect trade economy where money is exchanged for things like food. Sure, mom could go get a job, and many do, but she still can’t leave the offspring home alone and so it’s either her caring for them or her paying someone else to care for them while she works.

I am going to say something truly shocking here but — how about DAD can go hunting (or to work) and mom can take care of the kiddos? And while she is caring for the kiddos and teaching them about life she can do things like cook, and nest, and take care of the home front? To be a helpmate to her lead. It kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?

Many of the stay at home moms I know struggle with dissatisfaction, in part because I believe our society undervalues this actually very practical division of labor. These days, SAHMs are all too often treated like they are “wasting” their lives. And of course they also often go without some of the material things two income families may have. But are they “wasting” their lives? Hardly!

When I was expecting I had this quote by Jacqueline Kennedy hanging on my fridge: “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”

So that’s why moms need dads. So dad can take the lead and mom can focus on the very important job of raising the kids. (Mom can always have “a career” when the nest is empty. In everything, there is a season.) And of course, as I wrote about in the link above last year, kids need their dad, too. It may sound old fashioned, but it works.

And as someone who is trying madly to both hunt and be a mom, trust me — moms need dads (women need men). If you have one, willingly hand him the reigns, cheer him on, be his biggest fan, and thank him every day for all he does for you and the kids. He’s a hero!

Feminist icon, Simone de Beauvoir told Betty Friedan: “No woman should be authorized to stay at home to raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one.”

@ fuzzie it’s ok. It’s not ideal for sure. But everything happens for a reason. Now bc of my experience I can counsel other women to do different. I bought all that feminist stuff, and well, it has not really worked out all that great. Sure I have an education and a career, but nothing comes without trade offs. You can’t snuggle up a career and education, nor do they replace a happy family unit. I learned this the hard way. Hopefully others will read this before they do too? It all happens for a reason… Or at least I can make lemonade out of lemons? And fact is the Bloomettes and I do better than many single parent families. I work from home, they are in minimal childcare, they see their dads every week and all that is cordial and smooth. I can be thankful, it could be a lot worse.

Redpillgirlnotes,
It’s good that you are on good terms with the kids’s fathers. That speaks well. While you can claim first hand experience, the sense that I get, from you, is that they aren’t listening.
Maybe, I should take some time off and not think about this stuff.

Redpillgirlnotes,
While most of your commenters are men, I don’t know who lurks. You have a point. Save one from the path of frivorce and familial ddestruction, you have done good work.
I still haven’t read Roosh’s Anna sreies but, it pains me that he can’t find a sweetie.

@ fuzzie as my first post was aptly named, this s#it is all f{^,£€<Ed up. We are all sifting through the broken wercksge of destruction before we were born.

Read all the parts of the Anna story, the lets discuss.

Nobody wins in the battle of the sexes. It's lose-lose. Too bad most don't see it. Yet.

The curse of being forward thinking is one can see long before others what is ahead. But nobody believes. Until of course what you warned them of is their reality. Then they may regret not understanding but it is too late.

The earth spins every 24 hours and goes around the sun in 365 days regardless.

Fedpillgirlnotes,
I’ll read the Anna series. Boys learn early about fights on playgrounds. There are only degrees of losing.
You just reminded me of Cassandra. I wish that she had accepted Apollo’s advances. She would have been believed.

@ fuzzie I don’t understand I guess. My life is real, and difficult, and I am doing my best to stay positive and find the outcome I seek. I cannot give up. It is not an option for me. I have two little people who are counting on me to figure it out. Every day. This is not theoretical for me, ok? Just stop. My life is complicated enough.

@ fuzzie you are not responsible for saving me and I am not responsible fro convincing you. Ljbf and all that. Seriously it has been a hugely difficult day. Stop. Tell someone else how hard guys who won’t commit have it, ok? I have my own (very real and immediate) problems. No disrespect. Thanks.

Is it really surprising that Roosh “can’t find a sweetie”?
I’ve never read the series, but it’s pretty self-evident that a guy who has the sort of lifestyle that research like ’30 Bangs in 30 Days’ goes into is probably going to be monogamy-challenged. And what kind of woman sees a guy with that type of lifestyle and goes….”OOOO! Pick me! Pick ME!”
Not the best or brightest.

@ Liz, yes it is hard for me to feel sorry for Roosh that he doesn’t have a sweetie.

@ fuzzie now that you have read it, perhaps you can see why he doesn’t have one? I am sorry I was so short earlier. Father’s Day has always been hard for me, now it is even more so. I was short tempered. My apologies.

Re: roosh I really do hope he takes things in a new direction. I think he does care about men’s rights. But in a way he and the approach to women and relationships that he has advocated thus far, it’s part of the problem, not part of the solution. There is more to life than getting laid or collecting notches.

@ Liz it wasn’t the Anna story, it was reflecting on my life that made me unhappy. I try to stay positive but some days it gets to me more than others. I wish things had turned out differently for me and for my girls. I really do.

Maybe you can listen to some uplifting music, or exercise or something to harness some positive energy. I don’t want to sound trite (“count your blessings”) but it’s true…you’re very blessed in so many ways and that’s an important thing to keep in mind. Also, I think your girls have a great home environment, from what you’ve described. How is the little rooster chickton? Or is is little darlington? 🙂

@ Liz thanks. Yes, good ideas. I will be fine. The baby chick unfortunately disappeared, that was also part of yesterday’s funk. The mom is missing feathers, like there was a struggle w something. She walked around mopey all day. Poor thing! Similar to this post topic, without a rooster to protect the flock, warn them of danger, and defend them if needed, she had to face it alone. My friend has an extra rooster, I was waiting to see of the chick was a girl or boy, now I will pick it up today.

Not sure what is meant here, but now that I am no longer committed to a women my life is much, much easier. I only wish my son lived with me every day, but overall things are much better without commitment in this day and age.

“I don’t want to sound trite (“count your blessings”) but it’s true…you’re very blessed in so many ways and that’s an important thing to keep in mind.”

And may I endorse the comments by Liz and Poseidon. I think your achievements are remarkable.

FWIW a while back a female cuzzie (not Molly) during a rebellious “feminist” stage insisted that she could run my farm on her own while I was overseas. Thank the lord I asked my regular caretakers (a hard-working Asian couple who run my affairs in my absence) to check in each day. Strewth, the cuzzie didn’t have a bolter’s show of running my farm! The strength and energy and toughness required was completely beyond her.

You run a farmlet and raise 2 kids. You should be proud of yourself. I’m in awe of you, to be honest.

@ Poseidon the “men who can’t commit” comment was part of a conversation Fuzzie and I have been having about the blogger Roosh V over several threads, and possibly two blogs. Fuzzie was saying he feels for Roosh not being able to find a “sweetie” while based on my readings I think he chooses not to find one. That’s his choice of course, but if so I do not feel sorry he does not have a sweetie. Maybe that makes no sense, unless you follow the PUA names Roosh V.

Thank you Cill. Perhaps I should be easier on myself. I was feeling like a total failure yesterday to be honest. I do run all this solo yet not because I “want” to but because I “have” to. Not that I don’t enjoy it but my life goal was never to be a “single independant female.” And surprisingly, more than once my doing all I do has been seen as a negative, perhaps I am not dependant enough, for some? I am not sure. Anyway between us I work myself to the point of exhaustion to keep everything going, although I give the appearance of “devil may care” to the public. Because people want to believe “in the dream.” But as any farmer knows, there is endless work and if one is not on top of things it can go bad quickly. Perhaps for a man such things are not stressful but for me, to know it all rests on me, it’s downright terrifying. I’d toss those reigns to a capable mate gladly! Maybe that day will come. Fingers crossed!

I grew up on a farm. There was no such thing as “shape up or ship out”. A kid shaped up because there was no “ship out” option. That’s the position you’re in and I respect you for it.

Sure I run a farm single-handed. However my position is very different from yours. My main source of income is not the farm. Unlike most farmers I’m mortgage free. I owe nothing.

Your business is land-related and a lot more than just farming. Knowing what’s involved in primary production, as I do, my respect for you is huge. Yours is the antithesis of the “made” jobs of the fembots. The buck stops with you.

I think you should shout yourself a glass of wine and give yourself a pat on the back. Go on, you deserve it.

I read a small amount of Roosh, but got tired of his crap quickly. I’ve never been a PUA or wanted to. I only wanted my own women for us to be faithful to each other. I don’t understand how Roosh can expect to obtain a decent wife while he lives like a slut himself. I also don’t subscribe to the game stuff. I view game as manipulation. I believe both men and women can stretch the truth a bit out of love for the purpose of helping the other feel better about circumstances. But the game explanations in the sphere are too much like manipulation for me. Which is a huge part of me not wanting another relationship; due to all the manipulations that occur within intimate relationships. I’d rather be alone.

I believe it is more difficult for women to not have a partner than it is for men. I guess what you are going through is due to you being a normal women, wanting a quality man to share commitment. Unfortunately, as you fully know, humanity is sick. Our most basic needs do not get met. I do believe trust in God is the only foolproof option.

Thanks Coll, I appreciate the encouragement! I make it look easy for show and bc thats what people want but the truth is, if it were easy, everyone would do it. And thanks for encouraging me to “be bloom.” Sometimes I feel so different than most I wonder if I just don’t get it? Maybe the reity is I get it too well? Cheers! To farmers! They feed the world!

Again Cill, thank you. Many men have considered my being capable a drawback. It threatens some. And you are right, the one for me will not. An able co-captain would be an asset, one would think. Perhaps they fear I seek the captain chair? If they knew me, or bothered to, they would know I want anything but. Not that any old captain will do, but a worthy one is most sought. Indeed.

Indeed Poseidon, indeed. The old way is the good way. Undervalued and hard to find perhaps, but the Book lays it all out… The path of a happy life. Casual throw away relationships are not happiness. Perhaps in time Roosh and pua’s will see, partaking of the fall is hollow and part of the problem. Character. Integrity. Self control. Wisdom.. These are the traits of a true Alpha, a worthy lead. That’s what good women want.

I tell you what I’ll do. I have a bottle of Moet here. It was given to me. Not being a drinker of bubbly I don’t know much about them. You might know. From the label :
“Champagne
Epernay France
Fonde En 1743
MOET & CHANDON
RESERVE IMPERIALE
12% Vol Produit de France ”

Okay I’ve popped the cork here. Imagine yourself with a glass of this Moet in front of you. Imagine me with a crystal glass of it in my hand IRL right now. You ready?

Ladies and gentlemen let us charge our glasses and be upstanding and drink to the health of each other! Cheers! To farmers! They feed the world!
(sip)
(glug)

Bloom with all these “Cheers” the bottle’s going down like it’s going outta fashion. Cheers!
(I’ve got a couple more bottles of it here. Should I open one? Yeah why not. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb!)

Interestingly today I get a call, out of the blue, the realtor representing the 10 acres to my north, and it’s owner, a elderly woman who apparently shares my vision for preserving and protecting local ag land. Her words? “I want YOU to have it. I can’t see anyone else having it. Let’s make it work. Name your price.” The realtor has already told me she does not need for money. But I hesitate. Why? Because I don’t expect a handout. But maybe I need to appreciate a gift. It would be a miracle for sure! I am going to explore the possibilities — what do I have to lose?

“you must finish it!”
Spoken like a true man of the land, Bloom. We’re the salt of the Earth, are we not? Makes you wonder how the world ever got by without us. To my fellow farmer Bloom! Cheers!
(P.S. I too have one of those stopper thingies but I’ve forgotten where I stashed it. Too bad… 😉 )

Ah here we are, Wetzel Estate, Willamette valley, cuvée blanc, methods champinoise. Winery is in the Dalles (eastern Wa) fruit from 4 hours west of there. Interesting… its been in my cridge so long waiting for a slecial occasion, i cannot recall the purchase although i am most sure it was at the winery itself. Cheers!

Wetzel Estate, Willamette valley, cuvée blanc, methods champinoise, eh? Well we can’t let that one go to waste either. Cheers Bloom me hearty! Hey we should have a toast out on the boat, on the ocean wave! On second thoughts I might end up on the rocks (there’s Scotch on the boat). Let’s toast to good wine, good company, good fun!

I had some Marcel Deiss Gewurtz once. It was as you say, like nectar. Well here it’s 4:39 p.m. on a beautiful mid-winter afternoon. I’m on my deck looking out over the flat Pacific. This place is so beautiful it still takes my breath away. Exquisite. Your place sounds beautiful too. Cheers to your farmlet, Bloom!

@ cill if you and mollie and izzy and choices and moe man and moe man mum every get in a boat and head to the Pacific Northwest of the United States — you know where it is summer in your winter, well Bloom makes an excellent tour guide and we could cheers to farm folk in person! May it be so! Cheers!

We know the contrast between winter mud and the finer things of life – like fine bubbly wine. The contrast means we enjoy the finer things of life more than a city slicker ever could, eh Bloom me hearty? Cheers me fellow toiler of the land!

@ cill and I have, by marriage, New Zealand kin of my own. My uncle’s brother and his daughter who is an acclaimed screenwriter and director in your neck of the woods! They are Chinese by birth, via Hong Kong, then New Zealand. Her dad, my “uncle” via my uncle, is a physician, as are his two eldest daughters. Small world, that. Cheers! (I would say the film but then it might out me. I like my anonymity.)

I do believe I know who you mean Bloom, but I won’t mention the name of course. Re bringing some family to visit you by boat, I might just do that some day. My sailor’s bones are aching for the high seas. Cheers to the thought!

And actually if moe man is willing, I might launch a fair but of on farm publicity with a blurry photo of a “wild man” the last such sighting was 20 some years ago. I think it might make a fine opening to talk about the wise ways of the moe man and women folk? By golly it might even become all the rage!everything old is new again, as they say,,, moe man mom may not be able to keep up with the codpiece rock orders if so! Cheers!

Yes well, good sport that I am and knowing how much amusement you folk get out of this sort of thing, I’d be prepared to stand in the open for a bit so a satellite snapshot could be taken of me. I think it might focus down on the top of me head, though, and show not much more than me thinning pate. It’s not the most flattering angle of me.

I think if we just use my avatar photo, Bloom, I could pass as a serviceable Squatch. It could get your Squatch business rolling, I reckon.

Guys like Roosh often wind up suicides. Their carefully constructed New Age Superman personae break into pieces on the rocks of encroaching mortality, declining personal appeal, the implacable disinterest the world has in accommodating outliers.

Not that suicide is a bad thing in all instances, and certainly not with a single, rootless, narcissistic personality.

Killing Cool advances the concept of “Pretenderism” — the fashion, it would seem, of cloaking oneself in the attributes of Cool or some other tribal enthusiasm. Rather than embodying a set of attributes that exist independently of fashion.

The problem of the internet is it makes it so easy to construct an intermediary, glossy “self”, which in fact is a retreat or straight evacuation from the true self. Narcissism is enabled, narcissism is fed. Most people are playing some role other than that of themselves; this is the magic of Facebook. I don’t know anyone who isn’t happier if unplugged from the internet.

Pre-Internet, the easiest way to construct an “intermediary, glossy ‘self'” was by being from somewhere else…the people you lived with knew pretty well who you actually were, but new people, you could fool for a while. Think traveling salesman and the farmer’s daughter.

Goethe observed, circa 1828, that the Weimar girls tended to be more attracted to visiting Englishmen than to the local male talent, and hypothesized some interesting reasons why this was so:

…part of it though, was surely just the fact that the visitors were from somewhere else.

Also, consider the work environment. In a company or other organization where people have decades-long careers and are generally promoted up through the ranks, the real person will be much more visible than in an environment of frequent job-switching, merger, reorganizations, etc, in which environments the constructed self is likely to be successful, at least for a while.

Indeed, the organizational chaos that exists in many companies (resulting from frequent mergers & acquisitions combined with poor organizational design skills on the part of senior managment, coupled with mushy b-school and sociological thinking about “teams”) places a major premium on both social navigation skills and on creating very rapid first impressions.

@ BV and David, interesting thoughts! I suppose in the world of online dating and as you both say, a transitory culture where neighbors hardly know each other anymore, the person with the created persona (and especially those with a personality disorder that negate things like conscience) it seems it would be pretty easy to lead a double, triple life. Character has always been a big litmus test for me, one can’t hide lack of character well for too long…

Women are always saying that online dating is a morass of double-life-living tricksters. In truth, the only people doing the deception are the women who choose to believe bullshit, and willingly embrace bullshit, because it’s a thrill.

We meet strangers every day in our quotidian lives, and quickly sort the Real People from the Phonies.

Do women have the ability to discern real from fake? Seems to me most do not and that typically a woman lives in a fake reality, unaware of her own intentions, her own deceptions etc and why the appearance of some trait (vs possessing said trait) is effective in the smp