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Funny satire stories about pets

A brazen thief has admitted taking various pets from 21 pet stores across the Black Country and Staffordshire without paying for them during a seven-month stealing spree.
Ecbert Sitz drove across various towns in the West Midlands with the intent...

French Lick, Indiana - Duane Fick, 27, can assure the presiding judge in his upcoming trial that his beloved cat, Fuggles, is pissed-seriously pissed. And from what this reporter can gather, that piece of evidence seems to hold true. "Fuggles has nev...

I just got the best pet in the world. A Goliath Birdeater, a spider that's been shipped from the Amazon Rain Forest to my little abode in New Jersey.
My Goliath Birdeater has the dubious honor of being the largest arachnid in the world. It's about...

As a helpful service to those wonderful people who love, cherish, and keep little furry friends, we at the National Vole Advocacy Alliance provide the following useful tidbits for Pocket Pet (PP) owners.
When carrying your wee furry guys to work, remember to keep your pockets fresh with PP litter.
Letting your little Pocket Pet buddy run loose in the Mall is a great way to meet new people.

Hello. My name is Jackson Hoff. As a life-long editor of one publication after another, I feel it is my responsibility, occasionally, to supply a sharp, biting view of (insert topic here). I've thought long and hard about that responsibility. I think that was at breakfast like a week ago. I bet I spent 20 minutes straight kicking that around. I was deep into it when the cat knocked my pineapple ju...

Animal rights groups have brought to BATTL news attention that due to financial constraints more and more people are dumping their pets. This is despicable treatment of a living creature that relys on us for love, support and sustenance.
Aren't we as humans supposed to be inventive and adaptable? Weren't we the ones who put a man on the moon and invented Velcro? If we are this all conquering,...

The new Archbishop of Glastonbury has spoken of how his life has changed since he discovered that his pet bears had been secretly drinking.
The Most Rev Jasper Selby has had three pet bears (Bruin, Cuddly and Yogi) for 10 years. They've always bee...

A pet tortoise disappeared from a house in Hooselow but was discovered after five minutes scooting back through the side entrance.
This could well be a world record for the return of a pet tortoise. Most tortoises disappear for weeks at a time, an...

San Francisco, CA - now that the Presidential election is over and once again, Democrats will get another kick at the can, certain programs, such as the one proposed by the San Francisco Lesbian Gay Bisexual & Transexual SPCA might stand a better...

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON (ABSNN) - Seattle police confirmed today "the brutal and senseless killings of 219 companion animals" in the past two weeks. The killings were committed by 'Cougars,' but not of the feline, four-legged variety."
Kings County S...

Despite years of intensive, and expensive, speech therapy, Priscilla the talking Poodle can still not pronounce her "L"'s and "Y"'s. She is now doomed to go through life telling her doting owner and best friend "I wuv woo!"
The dog, a popular subj...

Pet owners wanting to turn their pets into lookalikes of their favourite celebrities, a craze that began in Los Angeles, could be headed to the UK.
Plastic surgery for dogs and cats is big business in Tinsel Town where pet owners are paying in exc...

What if the law of the jungle were also the law of kindness, compassion, and love?
Well, if East Village kitty Sammy Mesda has anything to do with it, one day it very well could be.
Sammy, whose blackness, litheness, and sleekness can only call...

World renowned Bermondsey cats and dogs home has been rescued at the last minute from certain bankruptcy, after huge debts would have closed the centre within weeks and that would have meant certain death for all the animal residents.
Luckily,...

Huddersfield Council in northern England are fed up to the teeth of complaints about nocturnal emissions of the canine kind. It seems that people are allowing their best friends to litter the pavements with dog logs.
Theresa Green, an ex-peace cam...

A veterinarian in Toronto, Ontario is in trouble with animal rights activists for circumcising male puppies. Peter Skinner, who has run his practice for seven years, says there is high demand for the procedure, which is usually performed on Doberman...

Plastic surgery for dogs is the hottest thing in Hollywood right now, and many practitioners are struggling to keep up. Not so Dr Michael Sag, a leading plastic surgeon who predicted the trend over a decade ago and runs the wildly successful Canine...

With its failed attempt to pass "Stop Online Piracy Act" (SOPA), Congress has decided to wait on attacking the pirates on the internet and moved its attention onto the pets who pirate sounds from the entertainment industry.
"Pets have been quotin...

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