Why do families do this?

Having worked in the medical profession for 8 years now I still run into this all the time. 90 year old grandpa, demented, wheel chair bound, cant speak, has coded (had his heart stop) twice. His pressures are in the toilet, he'll never be any better than when he came in, most likely he'll be worse. If he survives they'll send him back to the nursing home. Clearly the man is ready to die...but some families wont. let. go. I get it, you love this person but when do you stop?

It's heart breaking and this is why it's so important to have your medical wishes ON RECORD. So when you cant speak for yourself somebody (health care power of attorney, surrogate, etc) can honor your wishes.

Having worked in the medical profession for 8 years now I still run into this all the time. 90 year old grandpa, demented, wheel chair bound, cant speak, has coded (had his heart stop) twice. His pressures are in the toilet, he'll never be any better than when he came in, most likely he'll be worse. If he survives they'll send him back to the nursing home. Clearly the man is ready to die...but some families wont. let. go. I get it, you love this person but when do you stop?

It's heart breaking and this is why it's so important to have your medical wishes ON RECORD. So when you cant speak for yourself somebody (health care power of attorney, surrogate, etc) can honor your wishes.

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Yep, I feel your pain.

I've dealt with this personally.

Normally it has to do with religion, and/or low brain capacity with a lil bit of emotion/attachment on the side.

A lot of people let emotions/ideologies run their life, and just can't see logic, no matter how clearly it is presented in front of them.

I think if they knew what CPR looked (and sounded) like on a geriatric patient, there'd be more DNRs.

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True.

But the deeply religious types...

I still try to understand their plight though. As in, if you're religious, a normal death should be celebrated as they're up in heaven doing shots and banging virgins with 'god' once they pass, meaning this current life should be exited as soon as possible!

From what I've noticed, and this is of course no real study or evidence, the less intelligent are often the ones who hold on longer. The religious can go either way. I've had some that are at peace with letting go when it's clearly beyond coming back and I've had those that won't let go until the patient undergoes a brain death study to show it's all over.

From what I've noticed, and this is of course no real study or evidence, the less intelligent are often the ones who hold on longer. The religious can go either way. I've had some that are at peace with letting go when it's clearly beyond coming back and I've had those that won't let go until the patient undergoes a brain death study to show it's all over.

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Not sure it really has anything to do with intelligence. Grief makes people do and act in ways they would never normally do/act. If anything, it would have to do with how people cope with their emotions and that completely is determinate upon their upbringing.

Amen! Sorry but that sentence made me lol. But it's true, especially if living is suffering.

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Exactly, it's true.

If I was dumb enough to believe in fairies and unicorns beyond what spawns at lord oaks champ spawn, I'd have died years ago by professing my love for baby jesus over in the middle east, got my head cut off by other religious loonatics, then I'd have floated to 'heaven' whilst sipping my fav single malt, whereby I'd be greeted by a naked 1990 Pam Anderson in a Ferrari at the gates of heaven but with her Hyman intact and without hepatitis.

Clearly the man is ready to die...but some families wont. let. go. I get it, you love this person but when do you stop?

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I don't get it, are you saying that the family wants him to keep living despite all these problems? Would they be allowed to say that they don't want him to live anymore and ask you to unplug his life support if they wanted to?

Maybe it's a money thing.....
Maybe the family gets a pension mailed to the house for as long as the man stays alive and that's why they keep them alive even if.....

But the medical costs would probably be more expensive than any pension.......

maybe.....

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......

I'm not sure what the costs are where you live, but down under it's not cheap, nor is care I.e the subsequent nursing home they put u in is expensive and it is not covered by private health care. I imagine it is similar across all countries.

Here, the care for the 2 relatives of mine it happened to where they suffered for years was around $800,000 (that's money spent after tax...I.e 1.6m of income in reality). Down under they will also force the sale of assets (normally their house) to cover the initial deposit (around $500,000) if you don't have it on hand, which happens to your average families. So they lose their family home, and a lot of the time all their assets whilst they suffer the indignity of not being able to wipe their own ass or remember their own name whilst being bed ridden for 1 to 6 years.

I don't get it, are you saying that the family wants him to keep living despite all these problems? Would they be allowed to say that they don't want him to live anymore and ask you to unplug his life support if they wanted to?

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If they are the next of kin or assigned power of attorney then yes they can make the decision to pull the plug. It could be a number of reasons but I'm amazed at how many people hold out for a miracle while losing everything they own. There's more to that...I get it if the person is younger or lead a healthy life up to the point of being hospitalized. I'm talking about the very old, the gross brain damage (large midline shifts, brain tissue necrosis, etc). Why force them to stay alive when their quality of life is going to be terrible? I personally would never want that, which is why I have a durable healthcare power of attorney so the plug gets pulled if I'm not going to have a decent life after my hospitalization.

my mom passed earlier this year. she was not brain dead or anywhere near some of the stuff ur mentioning. but she had dementia and heart disease.

this lady was the strongespt person ive ever known...she always defied odds (had sepsis twice and once when she had pneumonia at the same time at 80 yrs old). i always knew no matter her complication, shed beat it like she always did. thats what kept me hangin on....

I guess everyone has their own reasons, I remember when I was little my step-grandfather was badly injured in a hit and run and if I remember correctly, the doctors told my father, uncle and aunt that if he had a surgery, he would only have a 20% chance of surviving the surgery and if he survived, then he would be blind, unable to speak and would have to be fed through a stomach tube.
They chose to pull the plug and I assume that it was out of respect to him, knowing that he would not want to live like that.

On a much different note, I think I heard Steve Jobs could have had himself cured of his cancer as he had the money and options to do it, but instead chose to try homeopathic remedies while the cancer spread inside him.