Oh no, do you really think so Deb? Looking back at my last three posts on this thread I suppose they do imply rejection. Is that what my little lady is trying to say when she tells me she can't miss me until I go away? The other day she said if she would have shot me when she wanted to, she'd be out of jail by now.

Yes you're right, I do have a wonderful lady that does love me. She does have a sense of humor tho because she did tell me those things. You know how I feel about her after 15 years together is just like the first week. She is a treasure and EVERY day for 15 years I kiss her and tell her I love her.

Earl and Eddie are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco, and drinking beer when suddenly Eddie says, "Think I'm gonna divorce my wife--she ain't spoke to me in over two months."Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over...........women like that are hard to find."

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair."Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.""We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy."What did you watch?" asked Marsha."The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.""I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair...Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally" .

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet.

Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!

Andy said, We've got to give it back.

Sally said, Finders keepers.

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door.

Pardon me, did either of you find a bag containing a large sum of money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?

Sally said, No.

Andy said, She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.

Sally said, Don't believe him, he's getting senile!

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him.

One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.

Andy said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ....

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, We're outta here!

A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so **** expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

After several weeks in Baton rouge for a paper machine trial, this joke seemed appropriate:

GatorsThere was this Norwegian who was on vacation 'over-there' in Florida. All his life he'd wanted to have a pair of alligator-shoes, and now he thought he would finally be able to get around to buying a pair. Gator shoes are of course expensive, and haggling down the price didn't help. Finally the Norwegian yelled out in anger, In "Just keep your lousy shoes. If that's how it's going to be then I'll just get myself a boat, go out into the swamp, catch a gator and make my own shoes!" The owner of the store just looked stupidly at him, "Yeah, sure, and give my best regards to the Swedes who're already up there trying to do what you just told me." The Norwegian runs to a boat-rental and gets a boat, then he heads out into the swamp.After a while he finds two Swedes standing up to their knees in the water. Both of them are holding a spear pointed at the water. That must be the Swedes the Norwegian thinks. Suddenly there's a movement in the water and an alligator swims towards one of the Swedes. The Swede is standing there like a statue, just waiting for the big gator to get closer. When the gator is close by the Swede sticks his spear into the gator, and with a bit of fighting he get's the beast onto the land, where there is a big pile of gators. The Swede turns the gator on his back and examines it's feet, and then finally utters, "****! No shoes on this one either!"

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room..

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment..'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.

Well Catfish....what do you have to say for 'ourselves' now? I wouldn't say you're out on a limb by yourself but I'm too far away to really help you and frankly you're skating on really thin ice here.

p.s. So what else do you have ?

And Deb, what do you mean 'change a roll of toilet paper' ? Doesn't make sense.. just set it on the floor...why go through all that work to put it on the 'roller' when all you do is take it off eventually anyway ?

Elvis, Liberace, and River Phoenix are all sitting around in Heaven talking about how bored they all were day after day with nothing but white clouds everywhere and nothing much to do. They went to St. Peter and asked if it would be possible to go back down to earth just one day for a rememberance of their past life and to cut the boredum for just one day. St. Peter said that was never done. Each day for several days in a row thay kept asking Peter until one day he said all right, just one afternoon. However he said that if they slipped back into their old habits they would be zapped and immediately sent to **** instead of coming back to Heaven. They all agreed and in a second all three were standing on a sidewalk back down on earth.As they walked down the sidewalk Elvis saw a sign that said "Cold Beer" over a saloon and stepped to the door and began to walk in and immediately was zapped and disappeared. River Phoenix looked at Liberace and they were amazed at how fast he was zapped and disappeared. They both said they had better mind Peter and be careful. A little further down the sidewalk River looked down and saw a bag of dope on the sidewalk. He stopped, stared at it a minute and bent over to pick it up and ZAPP, Liberace dissappeared.

I recently picked a new doctor. After a couple of visits and exaustive lab tests he said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment I couldn't resist asking, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?""Oh no", I replied, "I'm not doing drugs either!"Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"I said, "No my last doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!""Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?""No I don't." I saidHe asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have alot of sex?""No" , I said.He looked at me and said, "Then why do you even give a ----?"

Farmer Brown: "Did you lose much in that last tornado?" Farmer Jones: "Lost the henhouse and all the chickens. But that's OK 'cause I ended up with three new cows and a pick-up truck."

Two farmers were boasting about the strongest wind they’d ever experienced. “Out here in California,” said one, “I’ve seen the fiercest wind in my life. You know those giant redwood trees? Well the wind got so strong it bent them right over.”

“That’s nothing,” said the farmer from Wisconsin. “Back on my farm we had a wind yesterday that blew a hundred miles per hour. It was so bad that one of my hens had her back turned to the wind and she laid the same egg six times.”