10 Tips for Well-Behaved Kids and Happy Parents by Amy McCready

Thursday, July 23, 2015

10
Tips for Well-Behaved Kids & Happy Parents

A Parenting Checklist to Curb Chaos

By
Amy McCready, author of The “Me, Me, Me”
Epidemic

Are you one of “us”? You know,
the parents who make endless to-do lists in an attempt to make our chaotic
lives just a little more
manageable? Life with kids is certain to
include curveballs so having a “parenting to-do list” can keep things from
getting out of hand and actually improve your kids’ behavior! (How’s that for a win-win?) Here are ten simple
to-do items for raising well-behaved kids and keeping parenting burn-out at
bay.

1. Make daily investments. The number one thing you can do to raise happy,
cooperative, even joyful kids is invest in one-on-one time with them every day.
Here’s why: kids are hard-wired to want
and need positive attention from you. And when they don’t get that in positive
ways? They will seriously act out in negative ways – because to them, attention
is attention. My favorite tool to give
kids what they want and need most (your attention and a sense of belonging)
while simultaneously preventing tantrums, sibling fighting, whining and more is
called Mind, Body and Soul Time.
Here’s how it works: Set aside 10-15 minutes, once or twice a day to spend with
your child one-on-one with NO distractions. No phones, no checking email, no multi-tasking. This is a time to be completely present doing whatever your child loves
to do. Think reading books, coloring,
playing dress-up, or swinging on a swing.
The key is to make it all about them. When you invest the one-on-one
time, you give them the gifts of feeling loved, safe, secure, and valued. And, you’ll get that investment of time back
10-fold in good behavior!

2. Hit the Snooze Button. In other words…get serious about sleep. When we’re overtired we’re irritable, cranky,
and sometimes even feel ill. It’s the
same for kids. In fact, most kids need MORE sleep than they’re getting because
their bodies are growing at such a rapid clip.
Talk to your pediatrician about how much sleep your child really needs
by age. If your child has a sleep deficit, try moving up bedtime by 10 minutes
every few nights. When kids are well rested, they’ll be better behaved, be more
attentive in school, and be A LOT more fun to be around! 3. Make Routines Rule. When it comes to managing the most
challenging parts of your day like mornings, mealtimes, bedtimes and after
school – routines are your best friends.
Kids thrive on them – and they help make everything run a whole lot
smoother. Let your kids help decide how the routine will
go (do we get dressed or brush teeth first? How can you help get dinner ready?)
For little ones, write out the order of the routine using pictures or words and
let them decorate it and hang it where they’ll see it every day. Then – help
them (and you) stick to it.4.Get Everyone to Be ALL-IN. The best run households with the most time for
fun are those in which EVERYONE – from parents right on down to toddlers –
contribute to the household responsibilities.
You are a team. Not parents vs. kids. Not parents do it all. All kids,
from toddlers to teens, should have “family contributions” (not “chores!”) that
they do daily. This helps bring your family closer together, teaches kids important
life skills and works to prevent the entitlement epidemic.5. Refuse to Referee. As tough as it is to
not jump into the middle of every
sibling squabble, the reality is we parents often make things worse when we
intervene. When we play referee, assess blame and dole out punishments, we set
our kids up to see winners and losers – and a reason to escalate sibling
rivalry. Instead, encourage your kids to find a resolution and even common
ground on their own. If things are
escalating out of control and you have to get involved, don’t choose sides, but
ask questions to help them figure out a solution that all parties can feel good
about. By refusing to referee and setting your sights on SOLUTIONS, you’ll go a
long way in preparing them to resolve conflict throughout their lives.

6. Keep it Simple. That’s good advice for most aspects of life,
right? When it comes to family “rules
and regulations,” simple is always better.
Kids get overwhelmed with too many rules and consequences. Determine the most important issues for your
family and clearly communicate the expectations – without being overly
complicated. Be sure to reveal consequences in advance and then stand
firm. Kids want and need firm and loving
limits. 7. Take a Time Out from the Time-Out. “That’s it, you’re in time-out!” How many parents have uttered that phrase
over and over and have been frustrated because it doesn’t work to actually
change behavior? Why? Because sitting in a corner or on a time-out chair
doesn’t help kids understand how to make better choices. It doesn’t teach them
how to do anything differently next time.
And for most strong willed kids, time-outs are the training grounds for
serious push-back. Instead, focus on
training, not punishment. Ask, “What can we do differently next time?” and role
play the do-over.8. Say No to NO. Kids – especially the
young ones - are all about the questions.
All day. Every day. And more often than not, our go-to answer is “no”. It’s usually for good reason (it’s midnight
and the park is closed); but kids get frustrated with a constant stream of
no’s. Not to mention that too many no’s
creates a situation ripe for a power struggle. Look for opportunities to say
“yes” when you can. If your child wants to go to a movie and it’s not convenient
right then, try, “Hey, a movie sounds like fun! Should we go Friday after
daycare or on Saturday afternoon?” Will there be times when the answer is a big
“no”? Sure, but the more yes’s we can sprinkle
in to the mix, the more palatable the no’s will seem to our kids!9. Watch your energy. Which “YOU” do you want your kids to
see? Do you want them to see you as the joyful,
fun, lighthearted parent or the one who’s in a constant state of stress and
irritation? What they see is what you’ll get
as kids will often set their tone by ours.
Try changing your energy by simply smiling more. It will help you remain
calm in times of stress, and your kids will notice and keep their behavior more
positive as well.10. Consider the Source. Misbehavior is always telling us something.
For example, if Jacob keeps pestering you at your desk, could it be that you’ve
been there all day and he needs a little Mind,
Body and Soul Time? Or, if Kayla throws
a royal fit about wearing the RED shoes that totally don’t go with her outfit –
perhaps she really wants to make her own choices and feel independent? Before
you get worked up about a particular misbehavior, consider what the child is trying to tell you so you can focus on SOLUTIONS
to solve the problem. You’ll all feel a
lot better for it!

Keep these ten tips handy to bring out the best in your kids and keep parenting
chaos at bay!