Why Some Women DON'T Masturbate (And Why ALL Women Should — Even in A Relationship)

We once met a woman who claimed (quite proudly, we might add), “I’ve always had boyfriend, so I don’t need to masturbate.” Our eyes bulged, our jaws dropped, our ears began to bleed a little. How could she utter such scandalous words in the 21st century? Women should masturbate!

We tried desperately to explain that it’s not about “need” but about “want”. Take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure and be your own sexual agent. Figure out for yourself what you like instead of always leaving it up to somebody else. We begged her to see the light, and then we begged her to buy a vibrator.

Why Some Women Don’t Masturbate

There are myriad reasons why this particular lost soul might cling to such an antiquated notion:

Maybe her mom caught her touching her “naughty place” when she was little, freaked out and told her to “Stop that right now!” And from then on she always considered masturbation to be a social no-no, like stealing someone else’s doll or picking her nose.

Maybe no one ever taught her how to do it. Most sex education is pretty inadequate when it comes to making women feel comfortable with and knowledgeable about their own bodies. (Lesson #1: the sexual equivalent of the penis is not the vagina, but the wonderful clitoris!)

Or worse, maybe someone passed onto her some “wisdom” from the previous century, like these misconceptions: That masturbation is an uncivilized, animalistic endeavor that is beneath refined human beings. That clitoral stimulation is a poor woman’s substitute for the “perfect” pleasure of a man’s inserted penis. That “excessive” masturbation could damage the vagina, nerve endings or even reproductive capabilities. That any kind of sexual act that can’t result in reproduction is a sin. That women don’t have sexual needs or desires quite like men. Or that masturbation is for single, sad, desperate, lonely losers who can’t get a date on Friday night.

The list of possible reasons for this woman not getting to know herself intimately goes on and on…

And the benefits of masturbation don’t suddenly disappear once you’re no longer single. You don’t give up the morning paper, ladies’ nights, or going to the gym when you’re in a relationship, so why would you sacrifice self-love?

First of all, getting to your happy place on your own is the first step toward orgasming with a partner: the better you know your body, the better directions you can give. And chances are, he’ll have more luck following your instructions with his fingers than with his penis.

It develops your sexual sensitivity and trains your nerves to respond more efficiently.

Finally, while masturbating alone, you may feel more comfortable indulging in some of your naughtier fantasies. Especially those that don’t include your current partner. And especially if you feel at all guilty about those fantasies. (For the record, you shouldn’t. But acting on them? Now that’s a different story).

Every woman should know how to get herself off. It’s a basic life skill that ranks right up there with boiling an egg, writing a CV and using a diva cup.

At the very least, it’s the easiest way to get sex whenever you want it, however you want it.