We both have very ethnic German lastnames. Mine is slightly more normal, and hyphenating would make my full name sound like I just said a sentence in German.

I guess I also had a little guilt because I am the last of my line. I do have an older male cousin who's in his 30's, married, but childless. They'd rather be able to go on vacation whenever they want, rather than continue the existance of his family tree... but, hey, we all have our priorities.

I most likely will change it. What I don't understand is when women keep their married name after a divorce.

I'd love to know how men and women feel about this. Am I unintentionally insulting my husband and distancing myself from him, my son and our future kids? Or am I right for keeping the identity I've had my whole life because it was my gut reaction to do so? Or am I just making too big of a deal about something minor?

It depends on how you both feel about this. You don't have to be a "feminist" to not change your last name, some women don't change it because it's too much of a hassle to get everything changed and their husbands don't mind. Everything doesn't have to be some political statement, some people really don't care about certain things. It really may not matter to your husband, regardless of what others think, so you wouldn't be unintentionally insulting him.

When it all comes down to it, no one can really make that decision for you other than you or your husband, and most people end up doing what's best and convenient for them.

I guess you have to do it legally? You couldn't just have checks made out in the other name? I think you do like Babe Winkleman says, Do it today

Once you have a marriage certificate, if you want to change your name (on my marriage license I actually had to write down what I wanted my name to be after the marriage), you take your marriage certificate to the social security office, so you get a new SS card, then you get a new license/ID from the DMV, and then you go on from there. You have to change your name with each and every thing individually, insurance, bank account, doctor's offices, etc.

Usually they will require your marriage certificate, but some places, like my doctor's office, just asked for the new ID. But you need some legal document to show your name change. If you don't have the marriage certificate and/or new SS card and/or license, they won't change your name on your accounts and such. So, no, you can't just up and decide that you have a new name and make everyone change it on their documents/records/whatever.

It depends on how you both feel about this. You don't have to be a "feminist" to not change your last name, some women don't change it because it's too much of a hassle to get everything changed and their husbands don't mind. Everything doesn't have to be some political statement, some people really don't care about certain things. It really may not matter to your husband, regardless of what others think, so you wouldn't be unintentionally insulting him.

When it all comes down to it, no one can really make that decision for you other than you or your husband, and most people end up doing what's best and convenient for them.

You also raise good points. The reason I'm even asking for opinions is because I myself keep flip flopping on the subject. One minute I'm like, is it really important? It's kind of an outdated concept anyway. It doesn't change how we feel about eachother...

Then I'll flip and think of the symbolism, and I'll want that symbolic bond as a complete family.

I guess I also had a little guilt because I am the last of my line. I do have an older male cousin who's in his 30's, married, but childless. They'd rather be able to go on vacation whenever they want, rather than continue the existance of his family tree... but, hey, we all have our priorities.

But keeping your name for yourself because you're the last one doesn't really make much sense to me when your kids won't have your name anyway, so you're not passing it on to anyone else, if that makes sense.

But keeping your name for yourself because you're the last one doesn't really make much sense to me when your kids won't have your name anyway, so you're not passing it on to anyone else, if that makes sense.

I've kept my name, and our son has both of our names. My lastname is rare, and it is a big part of my identity.
And I can't see that it should be insulting or that you are distancing your self from him.

__________________

Wife of Germaner, and proud mother to our three sons

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I cannot tell other people what is right for them, but I had no problem changing my name and, in fact, was glad to do it. To me, it's about becoming a family. I want me, my husband, and our children to all have the same name. When I was growing up, my Mom was divorced from my dad and had re-married. So she and my sisters all had a different last name than I. I didn't like it one bit. I am honored to take my husband's name, and am glad that my whole family has the same name. I am just very traditional, so it suits me.

Well I am divorced but not because of a name issue. When I was planning to get married, I did want to keep my last name. But he told me if I was to get on the health insurance and automobile insurance, he told me I had to change my name. After I realized, a marriage certificate should've been suffice.

But I didnt want to change my maiden name, for various reasons. First, I am Polish and very proud. I felt if I changed my last name to an Italian name, I would not longer be identified with those who did not know me, as Polish and felt it was taking away from my Polish identity.

Another reason I would have preferred to keep my maiden name is because if I ever decide to go for my PhD/PsyD, just knowing that most of my education and the steps leading up to my Dr. title would be because of my maiden name.

Also, after I got married, my former mother-in-law was AWEFUL to me. No words can describe the hatred I had for her...she said extremely horrible things to me and about my family. Having to change that last name, would make me feel like I was part of her. What made me cause a big deal about it, I asked him if the situation was the other way around, if he would change HIS last name for me and he said no. Then I said, "why should I then change it for you?"

Aside from my negativity, I do not see what the big deal is. If you and your husband love each other, that is what should matter. A name change does not feel how the two of you love one another and feel about one another.

If I got married again and was going for my PhD/PsyD, I would most likely keep my maiden name for work purposes. I would possibly have my name, as well as, his - such as Kitty-Smith-Jones (an example).

But I do not think if you want to keep your name it is a feminist issue. Losts of fems change their last names. Lots of non-Libs keep their maiden names.