"You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."— Oscar Wilde (The Picture of Dorian Gray)

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

ON LOS ANGELES: AWP, PYTHONS, AND WAX

Last week,
I went to #AWP16 in Los Angeles, California to represent Carlow University and our MFA Program for Creative Writing. Needless to say, we had a blast! We got
to speak to a lot of potential applicants, spread the word about our program,
and by the end of the conference, all of our materials were gone and I had a
list of inquiries triple from what I had last year. Our hotel wasn’t too far
away from the conference center either, so I usually walked the mile+ back and
forth each day, and it was really relaxing and quickly became something that I
started to look forward to each day. All in all, I became a big fan of LA in no
time at all.

Naturally
I did some networking and book buying while I was there, too. I got a great
collection of poetry books from Black Ocean, one of my all-time favorite
presses for dark surrealism, and I also picked up some pieces from WriteBloody Publishing, Third Man Books, and Two Sylvias Press. The gods of dark prose must
have been smiling on me that day, because I also ran into some friends while I
was at the conference and got to say “hi” and have a chat with Leza Cantoral,
Christoph Paul, Weston Ochse, and Cameron Pierce.

Outside of
the conference, I was determined to do a TON of sightseeing, and one of my best
friends, Ryan DeMoss, was in town, so the two of us ran around the city and
caused debauchery like only we know how. The first night there, we hit up an
Irish bar (Casey’s) and had the absolute best bartender. He let us sample a ton
of Irish whiskey, and he also belted out some Tom Waits which was much
appreciated! We bar hopped a bit more the next day and had
some existential conversations about religion and the idea of paranormal activity,
and when my mind stopped spinning around ghosts and god, I enjoyed one of the best
batches of sangria that I’ve had to date (and I make a pretty mean batch of sangria
myself, so I was definitely impressed!).

Friday
night consisted of a trip to Little Tokyo Village where I had my first
experience with Green Tea Mochi. The sake wasn’t a new experience, but it was thoroughly
enjoyed nevertheless. Prior to that, we ate at Justice Urban Tavern and dined
on oysters and mussels after a failed attempt to find a voodoo priest on Olive
Street. Turns out he was in Nigeria, but that’s a story for another time.

But
despite all of that, Saturday night was really when the trip hit its high
points for me. I pretty much ran back to the hotel from the conference, changed
my outfit, and jumped in a cab to head straight for the Museum of Death in
Hollywood. I was so excited and had a ton of expectations, but when I got there
and started to make my way through it….well, let’s just say I was very
surprised by my reaction to everything. Now, you folks know me. I’m morbid,
dark, and a have a definite passion for the beautiful grotesque, but this collection
of madness and murder hit me hard in a way that really made me uncomfortable. Don’t
get me wrong—I loved the display of mourning jewelry, and I thought the
evolutionary practices of death and funerary/autopsy equipment was fascinating,
same with the oddities chamber, but the way that murders were celebrated gave
me some emotional distress, and that’s saying something, because I’m genuinely interested
in the idea of psychological torment and madness, but I don’t/ can’t fathom the
idea of celebrating it. I’ve listened to Al Carlisle speak about his
experiences with the Ted Bundy case on numerous occasions, but I’m not walking
around with a Ted Bundy pin on my backpack. I guess I’m just a little disturbed/intrigued
by the line of fascination/idolization and where those lines are drawn. It’s
certainly given me a lot to think about, and for that reason alone, I think the
museum is a huge success. I would highly recommend checking it out… just be
ready. It’s intense in a lot of different ways that you might not be expecting.
For instance, the Heaven’s Gate exhibition really hit me hard, and at one
point, I even turned at Ryan and said something like “I’m having a lot of
feelings and I think I have to go.”And go I went. Straight to the bar.

Ryan and I
ended up at Loaded next, and well, proceeded to get loaded—just kidding (kind of).
We had a few drinks and then met fellow RDSP author, Maria Alexander and her fiancé
for dinner. I was so happy that Maria Alexander and I were able to touch base
and spend some time together. Her and her lovely fiancé met us at Miceli’s,
which is this gorgeous Italian restaurant off of Hollywood Blvd, and we
definitely spoiled ourselves there. I had some of the best pizza I’ve ever had,
and then followed it up with some tiramisu…which Ryan and I were supposed to
share, but I’m pretty sure I mostly ate it all (sorry I’m not sorry, Ryan!).
There were discussions of BDSM, princesses, and corsets while we listened to opera/ jazz, and when we left, we left with happy
hearts and full bellies—both definite signs of the best friendships.

To cap off
the night, Ryan and I walked down Hollywood Blvd to look at the stars, and then
somehow while doing that, we managed to hold a python, get tattoos, and end up
in a wax museum at midnight.

Overall,
it was a really wonderful trip both professionally and socially. I think
traveling is so important in life because it broadens the mind and the soul in
so many different ways, and it allows us the intimate space to get to know
ourselves better. I’ve been working a lot on self-growth lately, and as such, I
journaled most of the trip. Through that, I found out something important about
myself: I’m spontaneous even though I plan things in my life meticulously. If
my heart feels good about something, I’ll do it. No questions asked. That alone
shows me time and time again that I’m driven by my heart, and that while I take
a logical approach to life, in the end, it’s not about the best decision
financially, academically, etc., but rather it’s a decision about what’s going
to make my heart happy and give me reason to wake up and smile in the morning. For
instance, never in a million years would I have imagined that I would get a
matching tattoo with someone. It’s not me… at all. But it was in LA, and it was
with Ryan. Now when I wake up and see it, I chuckle and think about us running
into that tattoo parlor on whim. It makes me smile (when I’m not forgetting it’s
behind my ear while drying my hair in the morning), and because of that, even
though I didn’t necessarily plan to do it, or even have the money technically
saved up to do it, it was the right decision to make, and it remains to be so.

Los
Angeles taught me that I’m a hopeless romantic, that I see (or can see) the
good in every situation (even if I tend to fixate on the bad sometimes), and
that in the end, my friends will always have my back and be the best pick-me-ups
a girl could ask form.

Behind the Madness

Stephanie M. Wytovich is an American poet, novelist, and essayist. Her
work has been showcased in numerous anthologies such as Gutted:
Beautiful Horror Stories, Shadows Over Main Street: An Anthology of
Small-Town Lovecraftian Terror, Year's Best Hardcore Horror: Volume 2,
The Best Horror of the Year: Volume 8, as well as many others.

Wytovich
is the Poetry Editor for Raw Dog Screaming Press, an adjunct at Western
Connecticut State University and Point Park University, and a mentor
with Crystal Lake Publishing. She is a member of the Science Fiction
Poetry Association, an active member of the Horror Writers Association,
and a graduate of Seton Hill University’s MFA program for Writing
Popular Fiction. Her Bram Stoker Award-winning poetry collection,
Brothel, earned a home with Raw Dog Screaming Press alongside Hysteria:
A Collection of Madness, Mourning Jewelry, An Exorcism of Angels, and
Sheet Music to My Acoustic Nightmare. Her debut novel, The Eighth, is
published with Dark Regions Press.

Follow Wytovich at http://www.stephaniewytovich.com/ and on twitter @SWytovich​.