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Goodbye Bill!

Tuesday 13th February 2018

Everyone’s favourite Catholic Bill English has announced his resignation as leader of The National Party with plans to formally step down on February 27th.

Delivering the news at a press conference this morning, English was flanked by his wife and many, many children and told the crowd that he had decided “now is the right time for me to step aside from the leadership of the National Party and embark on new personal and professional challenges."

In the 13 months since predecessor John Key’s mysterious departure as National Party leader, English has had what in politics might be considered a wild time.

Of course, questions remain: Did he jump or was he pushed? Who will take his place? Why did my heart die a little watching him gently weep as he bid adieu to his brief moment in the sun?

Sadly, dear reader, none of these queries can yet be answered but with English having not endorsed any incumbent leaders the vultures are surely already circling and, as is tradition, the people are more than ready to watch them feast.

The new leader of the National party is one of Bill English's 20 kids. Thank you.

Katie is a journalist at The Wireless.

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