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ARGHH, LDRs!!

GuestThread Starter

This is how I feel about my boyfriend:

But THIS is how I feel about our long distance relationship:

:cry:

We've only been long distance for a little over a month and it's already driving me batty. I've been having some personal/family issues recently and it's been so hard not having him here, I feel like I'm single and alone all over again. He calls me every day to see how I am but it's just not the same :cry: The worst part is that I'm not really sure how long the long distance part will last...it's looking like until at least November. Oh, it makes me so sad to even think about it!

I know we've had a thread similar to this before (awhile ago), but some more comisseration about LDRs would be great. The whole situation is really stressing me out, I just want my boyfriend back!

Member

I know exactly what you mean vanojr9! My boyfriend and I were together for a year, and then did the LDR thing for a year and a half (one year of that was NY-LA, and half of the next year was SF-LA). He was finishing up law school in NY during that first year, and he had a TON of free time.. I, on the other hand, was starting as an associate at a huge law firm in LA and was overworked, tired, and pretty miserable. It was definitely tough, and the time difference didn't help! Also, he wasn't sure if he was even going to come out to CA, which made things definitely tough on me. I wasn't sure when or if this distance was ever going to end! My grandmother also lost her battle with Alzheimer's during the second part of that LDR and we definitely faced a lot of challenges...

BUT - that being said, we got through that, I transferred up to the SF office of our firm after he made the move out to CA 6 months prior, and we're now living together and (hopefully!!) getting engaged in the very near future.. so hang in there - I know it's tough, and there are definitely challenges, but as hokey as it sounds, if it's meant to be, it'll all work out.

The Bargain Hunter

I know exactly what you're going through too. I've been with my guy for almost 6 years now and when we started, we were together 24/7. Semester breaks were always hard. Being away from him was always hard. I cried a lot. But as the years go by, it gets easier. It gets much easier when I'm not with him physically under the same roof for months at a time. That would just bring me back to where we were and when he leaves, I'd be a mess.

I'm used to it now. I can't wait to get this over with. I'm tired of this already. Hang in there. It will get better.

I Bleed Georgia Red

Admin

i'm in a long distance unrelationship (odd, i know, but i'll spare y'all the overcomplicated details) and it's hard for me and it's not even a real relationship...so i can't even imagine being in a real long distance relationship, even though i was in one for a year and a half a while ago. hang in there, hun.

Southern Sweetheart

Ugh I was in a LDR for a year or two before I couldn't take it anymore and had to call it quits... it really is like being single sometimes! (Then again Ex-bf was a jerk). I hope things start looking up for you One of my friends who is in a LDR right now uses a webcam to talk to her bf and it's really cute and plus it helps to bring a human face into AIM/MSN chat sessions. They're pretty cheap too if you want to try it out! (She got hers for $35 on sale at best buy!)

Southern Sweetheart

i'm in a long distance unrelationship (odd, i know, but i'll spare y'all the overcomplicated details) and it's hard for me and it's not even a real relationship...so i can't even imagine being in a real long distance relationship, even though i was in one for a year and a half a while ago. hang in there, hun.

Click to expand...

Amanda, is this the same bf as before that you dumped? Or is it a new boy?

I Bleed Georgia Red

Admin

Amanda, is this the same bf as before that you dumped? Or is it a new boy?

Click to expand...

it's not the one i dumped, but i feel odd calling him a new boy since i've known him since i was like 12...but i care about him immensely, so i'm willing to wait and see if our unrelationship turns into something.

Member

Long distance is so hard... we did a lot of long distance between summers in college combined with study abroads, it was always like 8 mos apart out of each of the first two years we were together. Then we had a whole year together and then a whole year of long distance... which was HELL. Seriously... we almost didn't make it. Sometimes you just have to make yourself busy so you aren't thinking about him not being with you constantly. As many visits as you can possibly squeeze in is good too... how far is he? And I just tried to communicate as much as possible, i'd send him things in the mail, emails, etc. We were originally planning on two years, so he could finish his masters where he started it, and then we quickly realized if it was going to work we needed to be together. Long distance is such a strain on the relationship that you really have to both be committed and into it for it to work. I wish you guys the best of luck, I know it is rough, but when you're through the time apart there's a feeling of "if we can get through this, we can get through anything!" And that is nice

Member

Long distance relationships were always a complete disaster for me b/c the only ones I had (two) were extremely unstable when they went from short to long distance. So I was constantly worried and upset about the status of the relationship...and not being able to see/talk to the guys made it very traumatic.

But at least it sounds like you have a great relationship. So even though you must miss him everyday, you can look forward to seeing him soon, and be a tiny bit comforted just knowing that he's "there."

GuestThread Starter

Thanks for all of the advice ladies, I feel better already, and MandM, your cat is really pretty!

misachan, my situation sounds similar to yours! My bf is only 3 hours away, but he's about to take the bar exam, so he can't get away much, and I'm a grad student working on my diss and teaching, so I'm busy all the time too. We're both in stressful places. And it's hard to be stressed out and not have the person you've come to expect support from there. I have actually spent the majority of my 20s single and without any sort of serious romantic relationship, so I thought the transition to LDR would be easy, but it really hasn't been. I miss my boyfriend a lot.

But the good thing is that he always wants to talk about concerns that I have about the whole LDR thing. I called him tonight and told him I was feeling sort of disconnected right now and he made plans to come visit me this weekend. So we're both really invested in making things work. And I know that I can always trust him and depend upon him even if he can't always be here, that does make things easier. I hope I do feel like you did, Blue824, by the end of it!

Rising Star

I totally understand. I haven't been in a LDR, but I can imagine how hard it is because my brother lives in Paris but his girlfriend lives in Becanson and he keeps telling me how much he misses her. And they talk every single day over the phone!!