Fun Facts About the AR-15

In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam and Eve access to every firearm out there except for the AR-15 which he told them not to touch because it was too evil. But then the NRA, in the guise of a serpent, told Eve that the AR-15 is really fun to shoot. So then Eve took the AR-15 and started shooting all the animals in the garden because she is one awesome chick.

I don’t even know where this list came from but it contains some important, yet little known, information that people need to be aware of about the AR-15.

The inventor of the AR-15 was Satan, though his patent has since expired.

Scientists have confirmed the deadly effects of an AR-15 by giving it to a chimpanzee who then murdered them.

Scientists agree that each year the AR-15 will grow more deadly until it kills everyone in the entire world.

Some believe that both Hitler and Stalin were, in fact, AR-15s in rubber masks.

In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam and Eve access to every firearm out there except for the AR-15 which he told them not to touch because it was too evil. But then the NRA, in the guise of a serpent, told Eve that the AR-15 is really fun to shoot. So then Eve took the AR-15 and started shooting all the animals in the garden because she is one awesome chick.

The part that makes the AR-15 so extra deadly is the handle on top. The AR-15 would be used in less murders if it were more inconvenient to carry.

It was an AR-15 that told Miley Cyrus to dance like that.

Bullets that are normally harmless will kill instantly when fired out of the AR-15.

The reason AR-15s have that prominent handle on them is because the most requested feature for an assault rifle was to be able to carry it like a Hello Kitty lunch box.

If you find yourself surrounded by AR-15s, know that they will fire automatically if they sense fear.

The AR-15 is easily concealable and can fit inside a matchbox.

The AR-15 is the leading cause of global warming from how its bullets shoot holes in the ozone.

A very small percentage of gun deaths are attributed to the AR-15 because it is very good at disguising itself as other guns to frame them.

What are the differences between an M16 and an AR-15? Scientists agree that it is something.

The AR-15 can be rendered harmless by giving it only a 10 round magazine as people always miss with the first ten rounds and an AR-15 takes an hour and a half to reload.

The AR-15 can shoot through schools.

In a battle between Aquaman and an AR-15, Aquaman would break down and buy it so people might think he’s more manly.

There were no shooting deaths until the invention of an AR-15. No one even considered using a gun to shoot another human being until someone saw an AR-15 and said, “I bet I could use this to kill a lot of people.”

There was an assault musket similar to the AR-15 used by the world’s most evil pirates, but it was pronounced “Arrr-15.”

The Assault Weapon ban was needed because it is well known that an AR-15 with both a pistol grip and a flash suppressor would be unstoppable by any modern military.

In Europe there is no such thing as an AR-15 and thus also no such thing as murders. Instead of being violent, people there just drink wine and smoke cigarettes all day.

If you are shot by an AR-15, you become one and kill others.

The AR-15 is responsible for 95% of all deaths each year. The rest of the deaths are from obesity and drone strikes.

Both of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan, Fat Man and Little Boy, are jealous of the destructive power of the AR-15.

Abraham Lincoln said the AR-15 is the finest battle implement ever devised.