Sometimes we have to go through the dark valley to get to the light. When nothing is going our way it can feel like absolute Purgatory. But remember that Purgatory means purging. Whatever it is that is not serving your self realization or ascension is being purged. That is one way to look at it. When you work with it in that way then you can try to change or discrad those things. If that still does not work then the only thing to do is surrender. Some call it surrendering to the divine or diven will, some call it detachment or letting go, and some call it the falling away of ego. I am not sure what to call it but I am trying my best to do it and hope to step out of Putgatory a more illuminated and aware being one day. I wish I could say when but in the surrendering of control I truly do not know.

Going down one track seems to be dark. The other seems to be light. And yet they both run parallel in the same direction. They both lead to right now. We may seem fixed to the track but we are not fixed to a self we think ourselves to be. Right now, sitting on whatever track you are on, you are the awareness that is aware of the track. You are what is experiencing the duality of “you” and “your experience.” Merge the tracks, dissolve duality, and be the one non-dual awareness that experiences all of it as one life. You can always reinvent the sense of self you seem to be.

A gloomy day. A gloomy view. But this is what I get to see from this room. With a view such as this why fear death’s kiss? It is this that the dispels the abyss. Overcast and empty but turned the latch key and opened to such a scene. So much green. Subdued, yet seems to say, “this is all for you.” Pivoting from nihilism to existential there is now potential. When at first we see dark clouds and greys remember to say, all this was not some mistake. This green not from chance came, it grew from the rain.

This plant grows straight out of the swampy mud, green and fully alive. Can we do the same? Can we grow straight up from the dirt of a bad life situation? Can we be green and fully alive with the mud beneath our feet? It takes grit. It takes resilience. It takes being okay with the hand life dealt you because you wouldn’t want it any other way. There are days when you want to fold that hand, to sink into the swamp, but that day isn’t today. Today you find your niche right where you are. You extend outwards from it. And you know you’re not alone because I am right there next to you in that swamp. Let’s reach out for the sun, for the water, and get the nutrients we need to thrive. Let’s be part of a system that works together and is naturally balanced. Let’s grow together.

Do we always follow our true power? If only it was a straight line. More and more I try to follow my gut feeling. It is like an electrical line that buzzes when I am not following what I know is best for me and those around me. Maybe it is like being in a lane as a bumper car. We bounce off the edges, we get buzzed and burned, and then we find our way back to the center of the lane. Always forward, always towards our true selves.

Is this really it?
Just this repetitive shit?
“Man, life is boring”
I think waking up with a jerk from snoring
Is this all there is?
Yes and no, just bit by bit
I guess there are moments
But mostly disappointment
It can’t all be sexy
But why so messy?
Just lookin for a break
Fakin it til makin it
Unless there’s bliss to be found in mundane
I’ll keep digging in the rough then just in case
Meantime I openly complain
With no qualms
Most of the time life is swirling down the drain
I say to myself head, resting on palm
Nodding off
To the land of not
The break from dull routine
Into half dreamy scenes
Then coming back with a start from the in-between
Can’t depart yet, that would be too easy
Welcome back to the suck
You’re better off if you don’t give a fuck
Cuz there’s nothing in this kingdom
But the solemn promise of boredom
Is this really it?
Yes and no, just bit by bit
Keep at the grinder
Write down reminder
There are moments and they’ll come again
Which make the dull look like bigger plan
But damn
I’m so weary
Of the long term dreary
Days and months and years of torture
With only prayers of better fortune
But something comes in
A very feint grin
I’m up to the challenge or I wouldn’t be here
Bring it on life, all the lame
C’mon, gimme your “A” game!
I want to beat the best
From the elite, not the rest
The top devil
Who currently revels
In my quiet misery
Life is a mystery?
I call bullshit
It’s easy to figure, just a bad trip
Don’t waste time lining up for the fair
Cut straight to the hall of nightmares
Take the ride
Pocket ticket stub
You’re on the wheel looking for the hub
And so am I so don’t step on me
You know, I just had an epiphany
Life is hard enough
So I won’t play so rough
And go easy on those
Who are in their own throws
They just don’t know
That they’re having day terrors
It’s not just the night that points out the error
Of getting sucked too much into your story
Let’s face it, no ego, life is just boring
When enough you’ve been humbled
You accept no control and stop stumbling
Buckle in for the ride
There’s popcorn but no prizes
Go round and round
Unpredictable ups and downs
Smiles and inevitable frowns
Until you give up and admit
For now at least this really is it
At least there’s always something to do, think, or dream
Get good at meditating and any moment turns sweet
It just takes persistence and cutting through pain
Transcending anything and being fine with mundane
If you rebel against your prison cell
You’ll make you’re own lovely little personal hell
Try laughing at it instead
And go anywhere you want to in your head
Life’s a real son of a bitch
But I’ll tell you what there’s more to it than this
You just have to stay in the mud
And decide to turn it to fun
Sling pies and build bricks for your hut
There’s nothing else to do but get to know your rut
Every inch, every grain
Makes a new wrinkle on your brain
Pick any point on which to concentrate
Eventually consciousness will elevate
And you see through the solid into the wave
Don’t stop there, keep going
Deeper into the boring
It is a portal into worlds beyond words
But first you have to accept the squirm
Of the repetitive shit
Asking yourself “is this it?”
Like me you forget
You try not to regret
And start again
This time illusion your friend
For now at least
Until boredom leaks
Right back in, but you counter with reason
You are one for any season
Have weathered so much
You must have at least touched
On the secret to happiness
There is none without the opposite
It’s all just happening
Yep, it’s found from wading through this shit
Whatever it is
This muck, this grit
I ask again
What do you think my friend?
If bliss does exist
And you have tasted it
Like I have
What would you say
Even though it is fleeting
Do we have reason
Are we faulting or do we get the gist?
Is this really all there is?
Think about it while I nod off
And let me know, I’ll be in the land of not
When I wake up again I’ll be disappointed
But hope an answer will have me anointed
While I stretch and yawn
You’ll tell me from what we spawned
And that I just came from there
I’ll scratch my hair
What little I have left
Seeing how deft
You are to see under our noses
Holy Moses
The sleeping Buddha awakes
And forgets they made a terminal mistake
The only thing that’s boring
Is to be disappointed by the snoring
Yes this is it
It is perfect shit
And ebbs and flows
King and beggar you will know
So you grow?
I don’t know
That’s one way to say it
But I’m up for this
Pile it on
Not til death will I split
No giving up
I’m settled into that rut
Bored but could be worse
I could be up against
An unstoppable force
Though it often feels that way
For now though
My best is not great
Am I somehow reaping what I sowed?
I dunno
Oh well, screw it
Not today myself blame
While in cycle of melancholy
Live
To live
Another day