Mommin' in the Valley with a cute husband, crazy dogs, and a kid named Lee.

Love and marriage

This morning, while waiting on my coffee to begin working its magic, I scrolled through my Facebook feed and saw a few things that I thought were silly. Petty. Childish.

Why do so many people marry someone they don’t even like? And then, why would you call attention to the fact that you don’t like your significant other?

Because I obviously know everything (ha!), let me tell you about the man (or person) you should marry:

Marry the man who courts you. (Did you just snort your coffee through your nose? Yes, I said COURTS you). If he isn’t trying to take you on an actual date, or go out of his way just a teeny tiny bit for you, tell him bye. I mean don’t be stingy, if you are both broke college kids/parents/just broke like everyone else, all he has to do is pick up some food and meet you at your car on your lunch break. Or leave you a sweet note under your windshield wiper. Or a candy bar in your car’s cup holder. A little effort never killed anybody.

Marry the man who asks you if he can kiss you for the first time, before he does it. I understand that this is awkward, but unless you are in the middle of a moment straight out of The Notebook, it’s a sign of respect. Believe it or not, your consent matters.

Marry the man who shows up for you. When I lost my brother, I broke up with D. He didn’t acknowledge it or pay any attention it to. I believe his exact response was, “Yeah, we’re not gonna do that”. We had been dating for less than a year at the time, but he came to the visitation and the funeral and stood beside me. Without me asking, he was there. At any point in time, all I had to do was lean back slightly and I could feel him.

Marry the man who stands up for you. Regardless of who it is, if anyone says anything that D interprets as rude or threatening towards me, he is up and headed their way to correct them. You see a lot of relationships these days (and probably always have) where a significant other is disrespected while the other stands idly by. I’m all for feminism and whatnot, but if he can’t be bothered to stand up for you… Is he really even a man? You don’t have time for games, or idiots. You need a man. If he doesn’t have the kahunas, tell him bye.

Marry the man who accepts your family. I think it is beyond strange that this even needs to be stated. If someone is trying to pull you away or distance you from your family, tell them bye. D has called my mom, “Momma”, since the day they met. I introduced her by her first name and he ignored it. He has always and will always call her “Momma”. Though my favorite thing that he does with my family is put my little sister in her place ( even more than I do). He is always (playfully) harassing her and I just really enjoy watching it.

Marry the man who does the dishes. You both worked all day, why are you always the one doing the dishes? (Why are you posting a Facebook status about your husband never helping around the house instead of talking to him about it?) In our house, if I cook dinner, D is doing the dishes and vice versa. That’s it. No questions, no arguments, that’s how we roll. If your person watches you cook dinner, eats said dinner, and then plops their booty on the couch, tell them bye. You don’t need that in your life.

Marry the man who supports you EMOTIONALLY. If he’s not the first person you call when something good or bad happens to you, tell him bye.

Marry the man who gets up with the baby. I meannnnn if you’re not already married (no judgment here sister friend!). He helped you make that sweet little love, he can help you take care of that sweet little love. Even if you’re breastfeeding – – he can change baby nugget’s diaper and bring him/her to you in bed. He’s not helpless. If he hears baby love crying and rolls over, tell him bye. Well okay, you have a baby together, maybe just tell him that you need him to help you.

Marry the man who never stops flirting with you. I remember being nine months pregnant and bigger than a house and D would still pop my booty every time he walked past me. Just last night I was sitting on the couch in my sweatpants and t-shirt with my hair piled on top of my head and a drooling Lee man on my chest and I looked over to see my husband winking at me. Trust me, you’re gonna need that in your life.

And finally, marry the man you cannot live without. This sounds dramatic, but it really isn’t. Yes, he gets on my last nerve sometimes and drives me completely insane. But I would rather be irritated with him, than irritated without him. I can never stay mad at him for longer than a few minutes. He flashes me that goofy grin and I’m done for.

D is everything that I never knew that I needed (disgusting, I know).

And that, my friends, is what I hope you can find for yourselves someday (if you haven’t already).