Eureka (U.S. TV series)

Eureka (2006–2012) was a science fiction TV series, that aired on the Sci Fi Channel, about a remote town in the Pacific Northwest where the best minds in the U.S. are tucked away building futuristic inventions for the U.S. government's benefit. In the UK it is known as A Town Called Eureka.

Taggart: We'll walk you out. You know, in case of alien invasion. Strength in numbers.

Jo: Right.

Carter: Henry, You don't believe in aliens, do you?

Henry: No, I believe in Occam's Razor. It’s the basis for methodological reductionism.

Carter: ... Oh, Yeah. So... still dizzy...

Henry: Okay, so, given two equally predictive theories, you choose the one that has fewer assumptions. So, a tree falls after a storm. The first hypothesis holds that the tree was blown over by the storm. The second - rival hypothesis - claims that the storm forced an alien spaceship to cash into the tree. See?

Carter: [into phone] Hey, uh, Allison, it's Jack. Listen, um, people are acting a little weird and we...well, frankly you're acting a little weird. Um, but, we should really get together and sort this out before it gets any worse.

Jo: [manhandling Seth into the station] Caught him trying to burn down Fargo's house.

Carter: [still into phone] Too late.

Jo: You're no fun.

Carter: You know what'd be fun?

Jo: Ice skating!

Carter: Never mind.

[Allison is trying to seduce Carter]

Carter: I can't.

Allison: [glances down, amused] Really? [looks down again]

Carter: Oh, no, I mean, I can! I'm fully capable.

Carter: Taggart.

Taggart: Mm?

Carter: You're naked.

Taggart: Au Naturale.

Carter: May I ask why?

Taggart: Why not?

Zoe: The school's completely out of control. Kids in fights, making out in the hallways, teachers apathetic.

Carter: So, more like normal school, then.

Zoe: Exactly.

Carter: [armed with a flamethrower] Unless you want me to roast your chestnuts, back off!

Fargo: [Dictating last words to Beverly] E-mail to Allison Blake: "You are the most intoxicating woman I ever met. I used to dream of you catching me asleep on your desk late at night." Send one of those to Jo and substitute "jail cell" for "desk". Oh, and send one to yourself substituting "couch." And see if you can work the word "tempestuous" in there.

Zane: Jammed together in a windowless warehouse, wading in feces until [slices hand across throat] they get decapitated, or pecked to death. [cheerfully] When you eat that chicken, you're eating all that hate.

[cut to Carter shoving Zane back in his jail cell]

Zane: Aw, c'mon, I have to sleep in here?

Carter: At least you're not wading in your own feces. GD has an apartment for you, but you're a criminal, and you don't deserve it.

Zane: You may think I'm a criminal, but my mom loves me and she wouldn't appreciate you insulting her boy.

Jo: Okay, what do you mean, they're stupid?

Carter: I mean, stupid. Like, like [acts 'stupid'] stupid. Stupid.

Jo: Carter, you can't catch stupid.

Zane: This may be my favorite conversation of all time.

Carter: How you feeling? You feel dumb?

Jo: No. You?

Zane: How could you tell? [Carter and Jo both nonchalantly zap him] OW! Gah!

Zane: There's only one thing I want from you, Jojo. A sandwich.

Guy 1: Marco.

Guy 2: Marco.

Guy 1: Marco.

Guy 2: Marco.

Carter: Polo! One of you says 'Polo'. The game is Marco Polo! Go.[he walks away]

Guy 1: Polo.

Guy 2: Polo.

Guy 1: Polo.

Guy 2: Polo.

[Finding Zane after he's escaped]

Carter: You vacationed here when you were ten. Figured it's off the main roads, place to hide out for a couple days first.

Zane: Well, I guess my FBI file's more detailed than I thought.

Carter: Not in your file.

Zane: Well, then that computer of yours must have an amazing predictive algorithm.

Carter: Didn't use the computer. I called your mother.

Zane: [starts laughing, then abruptly stops when he realizes Carter is serious] You called my mother?

Zane: Please don't let me die in this crap town.

Zane: What's the project status?

Allison: Ah, well, everyone at GD wants to get their hands on the data.

Vincent: [about the customers looting Café Diem] First the utensils turned to gold, then the counters, then the silverware. And that’s when they turned against me. Like vultures. Greedy little genius vultures. I thought intelligent men were above such things.

Zoe: Dad, you're walking the woman you possibly love down the aisle to marry another guy.

Carter: Okay first, not true. And second, since when do you and I talk about this stuff?

Zoe: Since I'm seventeen and you're in denial.

Zoe: I love your hair... and your cats.

Lexi Carter: Oh, a Tibetan monk told me that tabby is a reincarnation of Grandma Lil.

Lexi: Be careful with Grandma, she's in heat.

Henry: [starting wedding ceremony] Love is timeless, transcending everything we know, everything we understand, and giving us strength and comfort forever. What is past is now present, and what is present will become your future. That is what love is, never ending.

Fargo: You wanna dance? Let's dance! But just so you know, in high school, I took a semester of shoto-con!

Zane: (sighs) Fargo. I don't want to fight you. I'm worried about Jo.

Fargo: Oh.

Zane: One second, she's acting normal, and then the next, she's kissing you.

Fargo: Yeah, well maybe she's finally come to her senses?

Zane: You just talked to her, didn't she seem different to you?

Fargo: Uh, well, she...kinda just asked me out.

Zane: And that didn't strike you as odd?

(Jo--in Julia's body--is locked up because no one believes she's actually Jo)

Jo: Zane! Thank God you're here.

Zane: Julia, right? Allison told me what you did to Jo.

Jo: No. She's Julia Golden. And I'm Jo.

Zane: Ah, psych ward. I'm Henry.

Jo: I can prove it. Ask me something personal that only Jo could know.

Zane: (slightly uncomfortable) Ah, pet peeves.

Jo: Small guns, big egos... and overly-critical boyfriends.

Zane: Um, boxers or briefs?

Jo: Me or you?

Zane: Funny. Me.

Jo: Boxers. Except on laundry day, which... by my count, would be tomorrow.

Zane: (still unconvinced) First date?

Jo: Sunday brunch at Cafe Diem. (Zane moves closer) I was nervous. You brought a rose. I wore a sundress. You said something smart... which made me feel dumb... But you made up for it on our second date.

(Zane moves as if to leave, then types a code into the door and enters the cell)

Zane: So... Does that mean I sounded dumb, or I made you feel smart?

Jo: A little bit of both.

Zane: And how'd the date end?

Jo: Let me give you a reminder. (kisses him)

Zane: That's my Josefina.

Jo: (hits him) Now get me out of here before I taser you for kissing another woman.

Zane: Yep, definitely Jo.

Fargo: You had me at Halo.

(Jo has just been zapped back into her own skin)

Jo: Hey.

Zane: You had me worried there.

Jo: How do I look?

Zane: Perfect.

(Note: is in reference to a fight they had earlier in the episode, in which Zane stated no one was perfect)

Carter: No we don't! I mean, wh-wh-wh- what? It's behind some picture in some wall? (she stands up and walks across the room) And, I mean, look at these plans... (She swings back the picture of George W. Bush on its hinge revealing the pneumatic device.) Oh...

Jo: (fluffing Zane's pillows angrily) Why is it that every guy I date ends up in this infirmary?

Zane: 'Cause you're bad luck, obviously.

Jo: A joke. At my expense. Glad to have you back. (moves to the other side of the bed and continues to attack the pillows)

Julia Golden: [to Carter] Nemesis is a neutron star that's been theorized to be in binary orbit with our sun.

Fargo: It crosses earth's orbit every 65 million years, causing an extinction-level event.

Jo: Like a killer asteroid?

Fargo: That's not even the half of it. The tidal stresses from the star's gravitational pull could cause a sudden reversal of Earth's magnetic poles and unleash earthquakes, tsunamis, total global chaos!

Julia: The world could literally be turned upside-down.

Carter: All right, um, I'll check with Henry. How much time do we have?

Julia: If we're lucky? Maybe 2,000 years.

Carter: [disbelieving] Two...thou–hmm. See, that's not so much a problem. So next time, don't bury the lead.

Carter: So the laws of physics are in peril, my daughter's moving out and the worlds coming to an end?

Jo: I say, have the muffin.

Larry: My Fembot prototype was working perfectly before-

Carter: Do I really wanna know this?

Larry: She was working perfectly before I went to get my coffee. When I came back after the collider incident, she was... completely non-responsive

Carter: Maybe she's just not that into you.

Henry: That surge in electromagnetism fed back into the strength of the amplifier, creating a loop of building energy, and voila, a new North Pole.

Lucas: I swear I had no idea.

Carter: [bending down very close to him] Well, you are gonna have to tell Santa that he needs to move his workshop.

Kevin: So get this, Mom was late this morning, and I didn't get to make it to Dre's, and I mean she's always on me about being late! Maybe now she'll realize that time is a relativistic construct and ease up!

Tess: (laughing) Yeah, I wouldn't count on it.

Allison: Dr. Grant, I know this must be overwhelming for you. We know what it feels like to get pulled away from your own time.

Jo: (Speaking to the Astreaus candidates) I said toes on the line you worthless bunch of P.H.ds! You are group Alpha. I will be attempting to train you for the physical fitness requirements of the Astraeus Project. This is my lab. You wanna go into space - (to Zane) on purpose - you gotta go through me first. Who can tell me what a push up is? [...] Why don't you all show me what a push up is? Say 50 times? Down on the ground! (to a secientist) You're a botanist right? Kiss my grass! (to Henry) Looking good Dr. Deacon.

Henry: Thank you Jo. Oh, I... uh, Ms. Lupo.

Jo: Come on Alphas! Group Bravo says you are the sorriest collection of community college rejects they've ever seen. You wanna prove them right?!? (bending down to the level of another scientist) What kind of mathematician can't get to 50?

Carter: Do you know how Fargo's been living on my couch and spending every second with his sort of dead girlfriend, it's not healthy... So I'm wondering in your lovable and tactful way if you could maybe...