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Sunday, May 29, 2016

Perfume: Of Fragrance and Femdom Scent of a Woman

If you think there is nothing farther removed from kink than perfume, think again. Even though I'm all in favour of toys and hot leather outfits, that is not what femdom and love are all about.

Don't judge a book by its cover.
If you do, go for something more intoxicating. How 'bout kiss from a dragon?

Shrine
The joys of a rainy Sunday afternoon sometimes include running into a superb blog about perfumes. Yes, that is right, the guy who once came home on a Sunday night with mistress' underwear hiding in his weekend bag - by accident of course - not that mistress believed me, is reading about perfume n stuff. When I told her about the stowaway, she asked:

"Are you building a shrine in my honour?"

Dutch replied something like: "My heart serves as your shrine." Superfluous and she knew.[1] Fast forward several years and I find myself browsing "Perfume Shrine." Oh irony! It is a superb blog. The author loves writing at least as much as she cares for her potions.

After reading posts such as "Is perfume political, you bet" it came as little surprise to find a number of posts on the subject of perfume and BDSM. They are all excellent blog posts and its topic made me think about men, women, love, Chanel No. 5 and perfumes in general. My mind drifted away and started pondering the deeper significance of a man buying a new fragrance for his mistress. Enter the twilight zone...

It takes the bravest of us men quite some time before we buy anything other than red roses for the woman we love. Switching flowers says "our love is secure and will last." It also says "You showed me enough of who you really are to take this next step." And yes some couples have children, long before that happens. Nothing wrong with that, it only goes to show how significant and profound such a step is. That doesn't mean you shouldn't buy her roses anymore. Compare it to shoes, no women can ever have enough shoes (their opinion), therefore you should never stop buying her roses.

Who is she?
Life is all about running the gauntlet, so the really, really, bold thing to do, is to buy her a unique scent, a privilege bestowed on very few men. Even if they get it wrong, they are the lucky ones. You can never go wrong with Number 5, but for most women there are better-suited fragrances out there. For a man to buy his beloved mistress a new perfume, is the most daring thing he'll ever come across in his life. Turn back time, fight the impossible war or whatever else is less risky than buying her that perfume. We all know at its core it is impossible to explain why we love. If you try rationalize the magic that is love, you end up ticking of a list of generic traits. The same thing goes for perfume.

Who we are. What drives us at our most intimate. Those questions - just like why we love one person, but not another - is what the secret of life is all about. The answer to these questions only reveals itself in our dreams and by the morning we cannot remember the outcome, even though the answer has firmly rooted itself in the deepest layers of our sub-conscience. If we were to remember we would probably say: "of course" or "obvious". During the day we carry the answer we found in the dream with us. We know it's there, but it is forever out of reach. It is the kind of dream you desperately try to hold on, even though you know any attempt to do so is futile. The best you can hope for is a few moments of near-consciousness in the early hours of the morning. Mistress is firmly in your arms. Then the obscenities of yet another day chase away, whatever leftover explanation magic - of why we love - that dares to linger on. The smart ones have long since given up on explaining why we only love her. They let their actions define how they love. Not that I remember anything of what I just wrote as the real me slowly wakes up and rejoices in another day with her. It's so good to wake up first, so I can look at her for a bit, before she wakes up.

Can a slave smell nice to please his mistress?
Even if it includes some bold choices?

Close your eyes and remember
Being unable to define the parameters of our love - something we should be grateful for - does not mean we do not understand the why of it. Conventional words simply lack the proper qualities to express the truth. The same thing goes for perfume. You can read all about top notes and silage - I learned so much today - but you still cannot smell it. Even if you could, the most brilliant perfume in the world works out different for every woman.

There are two steps in the process of picking the right perfume. First come the basics, aka the various elements that make up the perfume and then there is the part where you close your eyes and envisage how it would smell on her skin. It's where the good stuff begins. It is also where the parallel with love comes in. Some things go beyond what we see and feel. They convey a deeper understanding of what truly matters, but only if we let go of reason and ratio. Just like in love, choosing a perfume, means seeking guidance from what you cannot see, feel or control. Some call it gut feeling, but that doesn't do it justice. It is something much more pure and precious.

Buying her a perfume is perhaps the final act in a process that inevitably draws two people ever closer. Its choices tells her about how you see the light in the woman and mistress you love. At the same time it signals a willingness to accept the undeniable darkness we all carry within us. Those things she shies away from - yet so obvious to those who love her - are also present in the choice you make. Most of all, it says I hear what you want me to know, but cannot tell. It defies logic and common sense, but in itself it's highly rational. It requires a man to learn about a hundred perfumes or more to find the right one. And even then it is tricky.

So why should a slave buy a new perfume for his mistress? In the end there no other way to serve than with the heart. Behind every mistress there is a woman and the choice of perfume shows it is about her, not the plaything. Not exactly true of course, everybody knows, the woman makes the mistress.

Of course money doesn't matter, but not in the way you think. Ask yourself, should you buy a perfume that is less expensive than No. 5? If it is the right choice, obviously! Davidoff's Cool Water is one of the best men's fragrances of the last two decades. It also is highly affordable and more importantly, women love it. Should you shun it, just because it does not come with a ridiculous price tag?

And? Do I?

You cannot loose
But what if you get it wrong. Now this is where it gets interesting. It is a tricky one for the ladies too. The way she responds will tell you more about her - most of which you already knew - than the next 20 years combined ever can. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't. Soit, but when she goes all Hyacinth Bouquet on you, or worse, it is time to move on. Put your heart into it and you can never loose, single soon or solid forever.

Some say the final step is to buy her shoes.[2] Don't. How 'bout jumping of the bridge right now? There is a difference between tenacity and mission impossible. Louboutins you say? Buying those is not an act of love. It just goes to show you're an idiot with money and poor taste. If only it were the other way around... And yes, perhaps she likes the shoes, but other than thinking you're a brainless ATM, consider yourself out of luck. Then again if money is all that matters, you probably deserve one another. To all other guys: Sapere Aude, you'll need it.

Notes:
[1] Looking back I should have said, I rather fold you in my weekend bag and take you home. Hindsight is always 11/11. Hahaha.
[2] Try this instead. Offer to go shoe shopping for her birthday. It'll be hell. She'll be happy. What else is the point in being a slave?

"There are no little events with the heart. It magnifies everything; it places in the same scales the fall of an empire of fourteen years and the dropping of a woman's glove, and almost always the glove weighs more than the empire."- Honoré de Balzac