Breaking: Nationalist Party Renames Itself Internationalist

Easter confessions of Malta’s top politicians and influential figures.

by Our Staff Reporter

Image: the logo of the newly reformed party

This Easter, Isles of the Left has learnt of the profound spiritual impact made by our last week’s stories on Malta’s top politicians and influential figures.

Adrian Delia, the leader of the Nationalist Party, told us that thinking of Christ as an immigrant and a revolutionary brought him to tears. We met il-Kap tal PN last night on a bus when he was on his way to the mass. Sobbing, Delia shared this extraordinary experience with Isles of Left:

Suddenly, I saw God. He looked me in the eyes and said: “Son, don’t you know about the evils of nationalism? Why don’t you and your gang drop this goddamn nationalism of yours and become Internationalists? You’ve got to quit this nauseating Christian fundamentalism, if you wish to have a priority boarding to haven. Jeez, you’re a bore!

Furthermore, the leader of the reformed Internationalist Party added: “We’ve made history! Lord, thank you for the advice—finally, we’ve got an opportunity to be first at something. Suck it, Labour losers!”

Prime Minister Joseph Muscat, who happened to be on the same bus, also had a confession to make.

Friends, thank you for flagging up the increase in poverty! Honestly, I thought we’re living in the best of all times. I might look like a business-friendly neoliberal, but I too have a heart. Please don’t tell anybody, but deep down (somewhere very deep), I’m a socialist. You know what, to protect myself from all the negativity around, I wear Corbyn amulets and even sleep in Corbyn t-shirts! Keep it between us, Okay?

Once a kind of anti-corruption, sort of independent blogger Manuel Delia had learnt about the statements of his prime opponents, he could not keep silent. Although he refused to speak to Isles of the Left directly, here is what he wrote in his blog:

We all knew that Muscat had an embarrassingly awful taste and there you go—he sleeps in 100% cotton souvenir Corbyn t-shirts! What’s next? Che t-shirts? Mao? Stalin?! The damage done by this piece of news to Malta’s reputation in the financial sector is tremendous. We’re finished—Viva l-Labour!

We also regret to inform you that, in his following post, Manuel Delia accused Isles of the Left of stealing his core subject—the truth. “How dare you, pseudo-intellectual auto-castrated closet fascists, speak of truth? I’m the only licensed distributor of truth, do you hear me?!” Now it’s not funny anymore, so enough for today.

Wishing you a Happy Easter. L-Għid it-Tajjeb.

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