How to Let Him Know You Like It Rough

It’s 2019, folks. If you’re not having the best possible sex you could be having, then it’s time to stop beating around the bush. I get that we're all prone to falling into a rut in terms of sexual flowchart, but it’s time to turn off auto-pilot mode and seize the orgasm of your fantasy. And if your sex is too vanilla and gentle, then it’s time to let him know that you like it rough! Granted, this can be somewhat awkward conversation if it comes out of left field. So, here’s how to strategically communicate your desires to him.

First, figure out exactly what your fantasy is in specific terms. Do you want more name-calling or maybe for him to command you to pleasure him? If you can tell him exactly what you want done, it’s going to be easier for him to follow through to your liking. It also might be a good idea to start small and work your way toward the bigger theatrical productions. Implement a little spanking, hair-pulling, or restraints and see how it plays out.

Some people mistakenly believe that clear, sober communication before the sex will prevent the natural romantic flow of things. Get over it! Odds are he will never just stumble in your fetish by chance, so it’s much better to just tell him. Try mentioning your propensity for roughness while you’re out at dinner. Then as you’re taking your clothes off later that night, be blunt and direct about how this is the night you wanna try that thing we talked about.

You may be thinking, my boyfriend is so sweet and gentle that I could never talk him into dominating me. But you may be surprised! Even the most timid boy may have a cruel dominatrix in him just waiting to come out. While it’s important to not pressure him too much, you shouldn’t give up that easily if he doesn’t seem interested. Even if a maniacal sadist is completely out of character for him, just let him know that you still like him for him--you’re just curious about experimenting with a new side of your sexuality! Be willing compromise too. Maybe he’s not ready to facefuck you through dental restraints, but he could still go for some fuzzy handcuffs. And of course, always use a safe word!

If he really likes you, he should be willing to participate in your most desired sexual fantasy (within reason). But if you’ve tried everything and he still refuses to spice things up, perhaps you two are just sexually incompatible. If you need someone to choke you, and he refuses--maybe it’s time to find somebody who will?