TEASER

Ext. Dark Alley in Hibbing, MN

Young kid spray painting smiley face tags on a wall. He hears a noise behind him - looks around, and continues painting. Figure appears behind him and attacks him. Proceeds to beat the kid to death. Characteristic blood spatter covers the smiley face tag. When the stencil falls off the wall, it leaves a smiley face in blood.

ACT I

Ext. of a lodge

Jody is entering a lodge with a sign for the Sheriff’s retreat. Jody does not look pleased to be there.

JODY: (sighs) You can get through this.

JODY: (addressing a young girl who appears homeless) How old are you?

HOMELESS GIRL: 19.

JODY: (hands her some money) Get yourself some lunch.

Int. Front lobby of the lodge

DONNA: Thanks a lot for coming. Yup. Thanks. Here ya go. Have fun!

DONNA: (addressing Jody) Hi! Hiya. Yah, welcome. Come on. Sheriff... Sheriff Jody Mills, Sioux Falls. Okay. I'm Sheriff Donna Hanscum. I work out of Stillwater, but I grew up here, so you have any questions --

you know, best burgers, cheapest gas -- just ask.

(after no response from JODY)

What's wrong? Left your smile back in Sioux Falls?

JODY: I left a kid back in Sioux Falls. Plus a pile of work. But when the mayor insists you go --

JODY: No, thank you. (after a pause in which DONNA continues to hold out the sucker) O-okay.

(enter DOUG, Donna’s ex-husband)

DOUG: Donna.

DONNA: Doug.

DOUG: Well, aren't younlooking good, huh?

DONNA: I lost 6 pounds.

DOUG: Hey! You're a quarter of the way there!

DOUG: Hey, you, uh -- you think you could toss me

a couple extra meal vouchers? I mean, since you won't be using them? (After Donna hands him the meal vouchers) Oh. You are true blue as ever,

Donna, huh?

(exit Doug with a handful of suckers)

DONNA: Doug and I used to be married.

JODY: Got it.

DONNA: Have fun, yah.

(Exit Jody)

Int. Bunker

Sam enters the library carrying his laptop. Dean is already sitting at the table, having been ensconced for what seems to be a number of hours. He’s surrounded by books and papers.

SAM: Hey. We good?

Dean: Aces. (After a pause) Yeah, I love the smell of parchment in the morning.

SAM: I mean, how much lore is even left? We've got nothing on the Mark?

DEAN: Right? You'd think these eggheads, with all the crap they amassed over the years, would have actually collected something important. (Picks up a collection of papers and reads the title) Uh, here. "He-wolf/She-Wolf: A Study in Werewolf Transgenderism." 600 pages, volume 1. But, uh, not something important, like -- I don't know -- maybe the oldest symbol known to man. That's not worth our time. It's not weird enough.

Int. Conference room at the lodge in Hibbing, MN

Sheriff Len Cuse is standing at a podium, addressing the room full of sheriffs. He appears very uncomfortable.

LEN: Uh, good morning. Uh, excuse me. If I could get you all seated, please. Uh, good morning.

AUDIENCE: Morning. Morning.

LEN: I'm, uh, Sheriff Len Cuse, uh, Hibbing P.D. I'd like to say first off, uh, what an honor it is to have you all here in Hibbing this year.

It, uh (his cell phone rings with the sound of a police siren, which he hurries to turn off) Sorry. Sorry. Uh... Uh, sorry, folks, sorry ‘bout that. Uh... What was I, uh -- Oh Right. Right. Um, s-seeing as how this is, uh, m-my first time hosting one of these things--

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Obviously.

LEN: I thought I'd like to try something new: (pause to clear his throat) partners. Uh, f-find -- find an officer from 50 miles outside of where you hail from and be a team this weekend. Go on, uh, a-and make a friend.

JODY: (On her cell phone at the back of the conference room) Alex, I know you'll be okay. You are totally capable of not throwing a kegger while I'm gone -- totally, totally capable. (pauses to listen to Alex’s response) My faith in you astounds me too. I'll call you later.

ACT II

JODY: (introducing herself to the coroner, Dr. Shelly Pierson) Hey. I'm Sheriff Jody mills. I want to take a look at the body they brought in this morning.

SHELLY: Sure. Soon as you become a member of the Hibbing police department.

JODY: Look, I'm just trying to help here.

SHELLY: And I'm just trying to not lose my job.

(enter Donna)

SHELLY: Hey, stranger.

DONNA: Hiya, Shelly. How are the kids?

SHELLY: Ah! Little jerks. Love them to death. Need something?

DONNA: Oh, I just came to check out the vic.

SHELLY: Oh, where's Len at?

DONNA: Oh, he's tied up with the retreat.

Big surprise, right? But I figure what's the sense in having a hotel full of sheriffs if yah can't help out?

SHELLY: Someone's got to get you a halo or something.

DONNA: Oh.

SHELLY: But, um...(indicates Jody with a glance and nod of her head) What's her deal?

DONNA: Oh, Sheriff Mills? Might say she left her manners

back in Sioux Falls.

SHELLY: Ah.

DONNA: But she's with me.

SHELLY: Oh.

DONNA: So, what do you say? Curtains up?

SHELLY: Hold on to your breakfasts. This one's grisly.

DONNA: Ufta.

JODY: (whistles)

DONNA: Ate the whole kit and caboodle. That's for darn sure. Ya got

a measuring tape? (sounds of Donna snapping on some examining gloves)

SHELLY: Yeah.

JODY: Can I see his personal effects? (holds up victim’s pants) That string bean wore these? Where's the belt?

SHELLY: He wasn't wearing any.

JODY: These stayed up without a belt?

SHELLY: Or...wild animals stole it.

DONNA: Jodio. Check this out. Yah know, I've been huntin' since I could hold a mini rifle. Seen darn near every bite in the book, but I couldn't tell ya what did the bitin' here.

JODY: I was afraid of that.

DONNA: Meanin'?

JODY: Nothing. Got me stumped, too.

Ext. Back yard of a house.

A man is taking the trash out, with his wife nagging him from inside.

WIFE: Don't you go smoking, Howie.

HOWIE: Uh, just watch your "Top Model."

(Howie proceeds to get his hidden pack of smokes out of the dryer vent, hears a sound from the dumpster, and investigates. He subsequently gets yanked into the dumpster and eaten. Screams and squishy tearing sounds emanate from inside the dumpster)

ACT III

Ext. Forest transitioning to the inside of the lodge.

Scene opens with the Impala (Baby) driving up the road through the trees. She pulls into the parking lot of the Lodge where the sheriff’s retreat is being held. Sam and Dean get out and enter the lodge. The music playing is “The Weight” by The Band.

“I pulled into Nazareth, was feelin' about half past dead

I just need some place where I can lay my head

"Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?"

He just grinned and shook my hand, "no" was all he said”

Int. Front lobby of the lodge

Sam and Dean talk with Jody in the lobby.

JODY: I said I could handle it.

DEAN: Nice to see you, too.

SAM: Hey.

JODY: Hi. Okay, I'm headed to the morgue. You want in?

SAM: Uh, we just came from there.

JODY: And?

SAM: And flesh was eaten off the second vic, too.

JODY: Anything missing?

DEAN: Eh, His wallet. Why?

JODY: Because I think a belt was missing off the first kid.

SAM: A belt? So...what? We have monsters eating and then robbing people?

DONNA: (in the background) Jodio, you take sugar?

DONNA: No. No sugar.

DONNA: Okeydokes.

DEAN: "Jodio"?

JODY: It's -- ah -- Don't ask.

SAM: Wait a second. Isn't that, uh, uh, Donna?

DEAN: Fat-spa Donna! Right.

DONNA: You guys know my stalker?

SAM: (groans)

DEAN: She nearly blew a case for us last time.

JODY: Yeah, I haven't been able to shake that ray of sunshine since I got here. She's actually been pretty helpful, but, you know, it's just tough keeping her out of this nightmare stuff, you know?

SAM: Right. You mind distracting her while we poke around?

JODY: You show up, and now I'm a babysitter?

DEAN: Look, she hasn't gotten mixed up with this crap yet. Let's just try to keep it that way.

JODY: Fine. But if she tries to show me her sticker collection, I'm out.

(Donna comes over from the coffee table)

DONNA: Agent Frehley? Agent Criss?

SAM: Hey. Sheriff Hanscum.

DONNA: I thought that was you! Well, ain't this a kick in the pants? What dragged you in?

DEAN: Uh, well, uh... We can't talk about it.

DONNA: Oh. Yeah. I hear ya. Anything I can help with?

SAM: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Uh, nothing.

JODY: Actually, Sheriff, I was thinking you and I could go check out the gear expo.

DONNA: What about the morgue?

JODY: Well, you know, like you said, animal control will handle that.

DONNA: (hesitantly) Well, if it's cool with you, it's cool with me.

JODY: Great.

DONNA: Did hear they're packing some pretty serious heat in there.

(exit Donna and Jody. Sam and Dean head over to a group of sheriffs by the coffee, including Sheriff Len Cuse and Deputy Brice Graham)

BRICE: No. No, there's no problem. You ain't the first feds to roll through here and come up with nothing. Sure is cute to watch you try, though.

DEAN: Oh, pal, the FBI doesn't do cute.

SAM: Uh, Sheriff Cuse, we are just hoping there might be some surveillance footage of the attacks. Maybe a traffic camera caught something.

LEN: Right. No. Sorry, I-I-I don't have a record of it. Speaking of, uh...Can you keep an eye on the expo for me, uh, deputy? I got to check in with the guys at animal control. Agents, good to meet you. Uh...help yourself to a bear claw.

DOUG: Oh. Oh, Sheriff Goodhill. No. No. I mean, yeah. But, you know, we just met. Cufflinks -- you know how it is.

JODY: Cuff what?

DOUG: Cufflinks! It's a dating site for cops. Y-You on it, Donna?

DONNA: Me? No. Not quite there yet.

DOUG: Oh, you still, uh, getting in date shape, huh? Huh?

DONNA: It's more like trying to get through the stuff on my DVR first.

JODY: Oh, for the love of god. (addressing Doug) What is wrong with you?! You get off on fat-shaming chicks? (turning to Donna) You are so not fat, by the way. (Back to Doug) And you -- you are just a douche.

DOUG: Uh, okay. I'll just, uh... Okay, then.

DONNA: What the h-e-double hockey sticks, Jody? Calling my ex a douche to his face?

JODY: It didn't look like you were gonna do it!

DONNA: What would be the point? We're divorced! You really think I'm gonna change him now?

JODY: So he gets to treat you like a doormat forever? Is that it?

DONNA: How about this? ‘Til you’ve actually lost a husband, you keep your mouth zipped about mine.

(Pause where Jody remembers how her husband died)

DONNA: Did something happen... To your husband?

JODY: We all have our crosses to bear, right?

DONNA: Hey, I'm sorry if I --

JODY: No. It’s fair. I certainly went there.

DONNA: You want to talk about it or --

JODY: Not right now.

DONNA: All right, then. I'm gonna go get some air.

(The camera follows Donna out, and catches Dean coming into the gear EXPO room, where he approaches Deputy Brice Graham at one of the vendor tables.)

BRICE: Agent. Are you looking for some teeny-weeny handcuffs to slap on some paws?

DEAN: I think we got off on the wrong foot.

BRICE: Right. How's that, exactly?

DEAN: Well, this investigation that my partner and I are here on, it's -- it's big. And, uh, we're looking for some local help -- you know, someone who's not ah -- not afraid to talk shop with the big boys back in D.C. Think that might be something you'd be interested in?

BRICE: Might be. What can I do?

DEAN: Well, first of all, I'm gonna need you to be totally straight with me. Is there any footage of the attack -- anything?

BRICE: Sheriff Cuse changed the password on the server yesterday. It's got the live feed from the traffic camera across the street from where that first vic got attacked. When I went to go check the footage, sheriff said he'd do it himself.

Donna, getting some air, sees Sheriff Cuse crouched over the body of Sheriff Goodhill with his vampire teeth out. She hides behind the porch pillar and freaks out while Cuse runs away.

Int. Lodge Lobby

Dean and Jody are talking at the reception desk.

DEAN: Animal attack, my ass. You seen Sheriff Cuse around?

JODY: Not since the expo.

DEAN: Yeah, me neither.

JODY: How you doing, kiddo?

DEAN: Me? Fantastic. Why?

JODY: Word 'round the campfire is you went off the rez a couple months back.

DEAN: That right? You and Sam been passing notes during class? It's nothing I can't handle.

JODY: Just sayin'. I make a mean bowl of chowder if you ever need to talk.

DEAN: I appreciate that.

(enter Sam)

SAM: Hey.

DEAN: You got something?

SAM: Uh, well, there was something. I hacked into the surveillance server, but the files had been deleted.

JODY: I thought you said that sheriff Cuse was the only one who had access to those files.

SAM: Um, hi.

DONNA: Hi. Jody, can we talk a sec? Alone?

DEAN: Yeah, we'll go -- we'll go look around.

(exit Dean and Sam)

JODY: Okay, first of all, back there, I was wrong to butt in. I know it hurt you, and I'm -- I'm sorry.

DONNA: What? Oh. Yah. "Quit being a doormat." Yah. I hear ya, Jody. It's okay. We're okay. Only... There's something else I can't quite wrap my head around. You ever think there are things out there -- things that...don't end up on the police blotter?

JODY: Can you give me some specifics?

DONNA: Yeah. Okay. Uh, well, I was -- I was kinda far away, so maybe I didn't see it right, but what I think I saw... were teeth. (taps her own teeth) It was Sheriff Cuse. I saw him standing over Sheriff Goodhill's body, and his mouth was full of... Shark teeth, like some kind of...

JODY: Monster?

DONNA: You think I'm crazy.

JODY: Not at all. Did he see you?

DONNA: No. I hid -- like a chump. You really believe me?

JODY: Yeah. So will those guys from the FBI.

DONNA: If you say so. Hey. Yesterday, I saw Cuse taking his stuff into a room down the hall from mine. Must have been...304.

(Jody pulls out her phone and dials. She listens to Sam’s voice on the voicemail recording)

SAM ON THE VOICEMAIL: This is Agent Frehley. Leave me a message.

JODY: Sam, Cuse is our guy. Donna said she saw him check in to 304. Hit me back.

LEN: No, no, I-I-I found her. I -- I s-smelled her blood. I-I couldn't help my -- my fangs. But I didn't bite.

DEAN: Well, aren't you a hero.

STARR: It's your nature to eat people. A vampire who doesn't feed is like a -- like a...

MALE VAMPIRE: Tiger eating salad.

STARR: We're not gonna stop, Len. We'll take down every person in your sweet, little Hibbing till you come back to the nest.

SAM: So, what'd you do, Len? You, uh, break up Burning Man?

STARR: More like Woodstock. Len found me crying on the curb after my daddy kicked me out. I got in Len's van, and the rest is wavy gravy.

JODY: So, what -- Len's like your Charlie Manson?

STARR: Ohhh. Charlie couldn't hold a candle to Len. He taught us everything.

DEAN: Yeah, I'm sure it was all Kombucha and Kumbaya.

STARR: Liberating is what it was. And then, one day, poof! Len's gone.

MALE VAMPIRE: Till he landed his photo in the paper. Stupid.

STARR: For running a police retreat, of all things. You didn't just go straight. You became a damn cop. Now, that is wild, man. Are you feeling dirty, Len? 'Cause we're about to have ourselves a bloodbath.

LEN: Don't you want to know why I left?

STARR: I already know why. You got boring.

LEN: I got a conscience.

STARR: Oh?

LEN: Prey that begged for their lives -- I-it was like even if I used every part, like I taught you, I mean, it's still wrong.

SAM: So you walked away.

LEN: I tried to protect people. After so many years of...gutting them. That's why I'm here. I'll join your bloody caravan... If it means you won't kill these people.

STARR: We aren't killing anyone. You are.

JODY: You don't have to do this.

LEN: Kiss my ass.

STARR: Mm. We love you, brother. But we don't know who you are anymore. (Starr beheads Len) Can't say we didn't try.