That being said, this is also very very very much a
community discussion. There are a gazillion and one reasons to be pissed off at
Dan Savage – and by all means leap on them and have at it because he has said
some really fucked up things. But he is a gay man and he has far more ownership
of that word, as one of that slur’s victims, than straight critics.

If you are a victim of this slur, if you are a gay or bi
man, if this is a weapon used against you and, like me, you vehemently disagree
with Dan – or any gay or bi man – using this slur in this method, then
critique, speak out and object to this. Because, like me, you think this is
wrong and some words should never ever be used – and certainly never as an
insult.

If you are NOT a gay or bi man, if you are not a victim
of this slur then this is not your place to criticise (or defend) this word use.
It is not appropriate for people who are not a target of this slur to lecture
someone who is on how he may or may not use that word. Even if you find one of
those targets to quote who agrees with you (and do NOT use me that way)

It is also extremely inappropriate for straight people to
judge whether or not a gay man has internalised homophobia. That is not your
judgement call.

There are some discussions where one does not have the
standing to speak without being presumptuous in the extreme. And the
in-community discussions – and certainly arguments – of marginalised
communities are definitely some of those times.