From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Y.E.S 29

“Love is not a one size fits all affair. You never be an expert of relationships because every person is different meaning what worked so well in your last relationship could be a total disaster in your next. This why we are warned to never rush into a new relationship but who is listening. Study your partner well first and never jump to conclusions especially at the beginning of a new relationship because usually you will be wrong and to your disadvantage!” Mike Maphoto

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Any girl who is worth her weight in salt has a lawyer, an accountant and a mentor in her camp! Half of the girls I know out there have a hairdresser, manicurist and favorite masseuse! What do the last three have in common; they are focused on beauty which I am sorry to say this does nothing to boost your income? I have never had a dedicated person who does my hair because frankly speaking it’s not necessary! Hair will always grow and yes I do my hair, that’s something that can never change! No wonder we have kids sleeping with old men for hair because even us the older ones make it such an import thing in our life like it shits chocolate! No, if you want to conquer the world you need to have people who add value and stability to your life! You need to make friends with the right people because one day when you lose your job, your hairstylist won’t give you recommendations on what to do next! Instead they will tell you that you need to base your scalp more because your dandruff is coming back or recommend someone to help you. That reminds me, the greatest think I ever did for myself, when I left university my hairline was totally gone. I met a girl who had a product that rejuvenates hair and instead of just buying the product I asked her if I can invest in her company. She agreed. That is called identifying opportunities the very same thing I was being suspended for even though they taught me at work to do it. “Honor Your Crown” is the name of our company and product and it was the best decision I ever made! I was comfortable in my job though so was I ready to sell our product exclusively? I don’t think so.

This was all I thought about on the way home. Maybe I should call Carol, my business partner and just quit my job, take an early package and move on with my life to be self-employed and join the big people world of hustling. Maybe with a hair product for black people I could one day be elected mayor of the DA.? That thought made me laugh.

“Love you are too quiet let’s do drinks!”

My sister said when I picked up! This girl was weird. Just a day ago we were fighting and now she wanted us to break bread.

“Today is a bad day!”

I told her. After mom I am not sure I was ready for her too. I would never survive the both of them in my ear. That’s why she was calling and being nice. My mother had told her.

“Mom told you didn’t she? I fucken knew it!”

I cursed out loud. My mother had no secret that’s a fact and it’s not like I was surprised. I did say that my sister was the good child in her eyes meaning she could never bear hiding anything from her even if it was my secret!

“Yes she did but this not about mum. I want to see my baby sister and have drinks with her! You still drink right? I will bring the wine and we can drown your sorrows away!”

She said and she managed to make me laugh. My sister was the type that passed out after one drink so that wine glass would end up being drunk by me.

“You are trying to get me drunken dude because I know how this always works between us!”

I laughed with her.

“Well yeah but at least I am there! I will have you know that my alcohol stamina has improved a lot since marriage! Men make you drink every day because they fucken stress you but you take their bullshit one sip of wine at a time! By the time you wake up you an alcoholic!”

She said and again we laughed. That would probably have been so sad on another day but and it’s a big but, it was funny at the moment.

“Ok bring the wine but you need to drink too! I can’t wake up with a headache, unemployed and all alone!”

I told her and she assured me that she would suffer the consequences with me!

“You know I don’t trust you right!”

I told her and she laughed. I guess my sister was coming over this evening. I wanted some cake! I needed something to binge on. That would make me feel better! I stopped and bought myself a triple chocolate cake. I loved this sinful delight and often denied myself the pleasure!

“I am thinking of making this suspension permanent hey!”

I told her.

“You can’t be serious!”

She said to me.

“I am actually. Remember I told you about my business with Carol. I am thinking of actually going into it full time!”

“With the way you love your career life so much I doubt you can run a business on your own. You like structure and stability!”

I know. She was right. The reason why black woman often don’t succeed after university if they don’t get a job is that we are not taught how to be brave and challenge business. We are actually taught that unless you have a job then you a total failure. We are therefore very good at get jobs and getting stuck working for someone else for life!

“I do like that because of the security sis but if they have suspended me what happens if tomorrow they don’t pay me. I have my car payments plus apartment! I have only just signed the bond on my land so I am under pressure now more than ever to have stability! I am not getting any younger!”

I told her. I was not crying but the pain in my voice was real. You can’t really cry on some things. Often I told myself that everything I wanted would come right but there were times when even I was not sure about what I wanted in life.

“We will discuss when I see you after work!”

She said when she realized I had gotten deep. I decided to stop at the Woolworths next to my house! Made sense! They have the best cake anyway.

“Wine in the middle of the week, are we celebrating or are we drowning our sorrows away!”

A man’s voice said from behind me! I turned around and there was a familiar face! I did not know his name though. It was my neighbor who had made funny comments when I hit my brother in law.

“Go away; I don’t talk to people who mock me!”

I said but with a smile on my face.

“I come in peace I promise you!”

He said as he raised his hands in surrender mode! That made me laugh, goodness I have been laughing a lot since I left my mother’s house. Under the circumstances I think it was a bit odd. Is this what they called being in denial.

“Yes you better!”

“Permission to approach so I can introduce myself properly!”

He asked.

“Permission granted!”

I played along. He was a very athletic kind of guy. Taller than me, not too muscular but you could see he worked out. A small mkhaba was visible suggesting he was older than me. He stretched out his hand and said,

“Hi, my name is Mbuso and I am your neighbor whose parking lot you sometimes steal!”

He said and immediately I protested,

“It’s not my fault. That old lady always takes my spot when I come late and when I come in at night I have to find the only other spot available!”

He said.

“I didn’t ask you all that. I will start again, hi my name is Mbuso, and I am your neighbor the one who’s parking bay you always steal!”

He said again smile. This guy was making me feel silly.

“Hi Mbuso. My name is Lungile!”

I said.

“Pleasure to meet you!”

I said. He smiled. He was not Sfiso good looking but he was decent. I know as we grow up looks don’t matter but ugly children will depress you Shem. Imagine raising children that look like they were born eating peri peri ah, how can that be nice. You want cute babies. You know when you have ugly babies they don’t get many gifts growing up. They are not popular with other kids and adults don’t want to lift your child and play with him or her! Why must I condemn myself to such?

“So what’s the occasion?”

He asked me.

“Sorrows unfortunately not victories!”

I told him,

“And your side?”

I said looking into his trolley. He had a lot of vegetables and cereal!

“I am cooking for my beautiful lady at home! She is quite demanding and I am her slave.”

He said,

“You should join us!”

Huh? Was he mad? Why would I want to eat with him and his girlfriend? Women don’t accept their men making new male friends. With us it was worse because we were neighbors. She would never be comfortable.

“No thank you. Today it’s just my bottle and I and besides my sister said she might come so don’t want to be running in between houses!”

I told him.

“Understandable but when I run out of SALT I will come borrow from you!”

He said and we both laughed as he started to walk away!

“You do that!”

I told him. Men are weird creatures. He had told me that he was cooking for his woman yet here he was obviously flirting with me. I felt sorry for his woman but was that not every woman married or in a relationship. By the time I got to the till he was gone already. I had wanted only wine and cake but I ended shopping on a few more things. Guess I was not in a rush to get home after all.

My phone rang as I walked into the house. I was carrying things which made me end up running. I did not know the number so I decided that I will ignore it. I was tired and had had enough phone calls for one day. I unpacked and put everything away except for the wine of course. The cake will have a bit later. It rang again same number!

“Hello!”

I said with my serious tone so that if it was someone trying to sell me something I would hang up.

“Good evening how are you?”

A voice said from the other side!

“I am good thanks, who is this?”

I asked immediately! Did not want chit chat?

“It’s Simba!”

He said,

“Oh Mr. Tizora what can I do for you?”

I asked him formally.

“Do you have a few minutes to discuss our deal and working arrangements going forward?”

He asked me!

Crap what do I do now? If I told him I was suspended we might lose the deal and if I continued this conversation I could actually be fired because I would have represented the company when I was expressly forbidden to do so!

Thank you for reading my letter. Hope you are well and your readers too.

I am sixteen and I think both my parents are cheating on each other. My parents consider me a child so my mother has a tendency of asking me to send her friend’s messages or reply her WhatsApp’s for her when she is busy. She was telling my aunt (her friend) about the two guys she has been sleeping with comparing the size of their “THINGS”. My mother is 38 and I have another sibling making us two. She then forwarded my aunt pictures of their “THINGS” and it was quite traumatizing. I said nothing. My mother then went to visit her family in PMB after one of her cousins gave birth. She went with my little brother because my father said he won’t babysit. They even fought about it but I thought it was because dad was suspecting she was not going alone. My father gave me money to go watch a movie but I went to see my friend instead and came back early. I found my father on the couch having sex with the aunt I said my mother had been texting. They jumped up both naked meaning I say my dad’s “THING” and I am even ashamed of that! It was disgusting! The aunt ran out into my bedroom even to cover herself! She is my mother’s best friend by a long distance!

I am very close to my mother! I love my dad yes but my mother is my life. Do I tell her what I saw? Do I tell dad what I know? How do I wash away the image of my naked father from my head? I can’t even look at him straight anymore!

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26 thoughts on “Y.E.S 29”

Any girl who is worth her salt has a lawyer, an accountant and a mentor in her camp! This is a girl mastering life for sure. Wow GHS, all I can say is that since you have dirt on both of them, I believe it will implode on its own. If you divulge one parent , to the other, they may make up go for counselling and you will be that child that tried to break them up. One of your parents will end up resenting you in any case. the common denominator is this aunt and find out what her end game is. She probably brainwashes your mum and encourages her to cheat so that she has access to your dad. Here is a hug from me , hopefully the image of seeing your father naked will erode with time.

Jesu wase Netherlands, 16 and already you have seen so much damaging things in your own household, now that is just sad. I got ‘traums’ for you and me reading this letter and I can’t begin to imagine what you must be going through, or what this may do to your psyche. I hope the ladies of the blog can maybe assist vandag coz seriously words are failing me. your parents though….. talk about lack of chill on steroids.

Well 16 year old I’m sorry for the trauma u going through .
Keeping quiet about this situation won’t do any justice to u. Talk to some1 your teachers at school or some1 elderly who will understand. And tell them how u feel. Maybe they might be brave enough to confront your parents. Because u doing it alone will cause more damage and u will live in misery. And you still young for that…
Hope u get better as time goes by…

ohh ngani yami…i don’t know what to say. I cant imagine my 16yr old seeing my shinaningaz. My advise will be that confront all your parents mom, dad, aunt individually just to find closure for your self. Tell them your piece of mind. In that way you will know whats going on and next time do not touch your mothers phone even if she wants you to.

Must most of all do not let this get into you and I am glad you see that it is wrong so please do not grow up and do the same.
Adults cheat for a reason, which is non of your business unfortunately. All we hope for is that, what ever the reasons that your parents are cheating, they will somehow reconcile.

16 if u have an elder or granny u trust confide in them, u need some 1 to talk to, this is traumatizing ur parents have no shame as fr ur mum’s bff yena clap once ur dad shld do his####t outside hw can he disrespect ur home like that ur mama is worse she knows u youngsters know technology more than us n letting u touch her phone like that…ur family needs prayer qha….marriage is no longer what is used to be hope u heal n forget abt it all in time

I feel sorry for the 16 year old girl that wrote in today. The situation is purely messed up. For a second i thought i was reading a chapter from one of Mike’s books lol. I honestly wouldnt know what to do if i was in your shoes. But maybe i might agree with someone who said you must confront them all seperately. Clearly your aunt is not your mothers friend but you also dont want to blame yourself if the parents break up. All the best…………………

16 askies shame… one thing for sure your scandalous aunt has told your dad about your mother’s shenanigans. My advice is to sit them both down and tell them both at the same time and also tell them how it makes you feel… However if you are a black child don’t take my advice, talk to an older family member to help in this regard…. your long distant, friend of a mother aunt is absolutely vile, she’s probably encourage your mother to cheat so she can move in for the kill….. she’s a witch, pull her aside and tell her off… ya’ll dont need her poison in your house

Honestly we killing our kids who on earth does this to their child respect has gone out the window in that house nana please do not let this damage u i know it will haunt you but please do not let it define you as ua an individual i know what u saw might be difficult nd demeaning but let it not be what sways u to go nd depend on men or alcohol looking for comfort ua parents know what they did was wrong i say sit down with them individually nd tell them ua feelings they have no right to even scold u cos they made u see what kind of life they living shout at them if u have to get that anger out on both of them they deserve it sometimes us parents we need to hear the reality that we ignore and u talking to them will be a wale up call they need good luck sweetheart nd im sorry u really had to go thru so much at such a ypung age especially from ua parents never allow this to define you

The letter is heart breaking and whether you tell them or not its going to change your life. I suggest you tell your mother about what you saw in her phone and how much you understand. You say you two are close, so this shouldn’t be too difficult. Explain to her how it makes you feel, your perspective of things and that this traumatized you. Ask her how would she feel if your dad was doing the same to her because clearly she is the one in the dark, unless m wrong. I don’t think your mother would continue doing those things if she saw how they affected you. As for your aunt m not sure what you should do with her bcos she may turn you against your mother. Tell your mother you need counselling nd if she understands she will take you there. Don’t tell your father, this may sound evil but it will work in your favour bcos you will never be wrong in his eyes. That’s my two cents advice.

I had a stepfather he was cheating on mom I knew about t she probably knew too but choose to turn a blind eye I encouraged her to leave him coz he was playing with her emotions at the time I WS still at varsity. she disowned me and stop sending me money etc and would ignore my calls the very same step father came to my rescue by buying me basics and expected nothing in return. so my mom heard about all this so to her it was interpreted as though I want my stepfather to myself the man later passed on but to this day mom recent me. point being DO NOT GET INVOLVED as painful as t is find another way to remove pictures of what u saw n know out of your mind by talking to ya teacher or anyone u trust.

Thanks Mikesto. Nana I’m so sorry for what you are going through because of grownups who just can’t keep their undies on. I agree with the person that said you must talk to them indiviidually about how your feel. And as for that friend of your Mom she is not a true friend and I think your dad already know that your mom is cheating on him. That aunt must fall, she is detroying your family. Wouldn’t be suprised she is the one that introduced mommy dearest to the boyfriends.

To GHS: I think it’s better for you to get professional help (counselling) first. Then during your sessions you can verbalise your experience to your parents with the help of the therapist. (Talk to your parents individually…..It is up to your parents to come clean to each other) .They need to know what they have put you through as a child. Good luck and take care.

Yhoo some parents are really twisted I remember the saying ‘ the things you take for granted some people are praying for’. Imagine there are some people who are praying for children, and some have children like GHS’ mother but are taking them for granted. God is your strength my dear, just ask him to give you the grace not to follow into your parents footsteps. I remember when I was growing up how I hated it when my mom will leave us with his mother and do vat en sit with his boyfriend and I told myself I will never to that to my kids. And to the glory of God I broke up with their father 11 years ago and they have never seen me with another man or me leaving them to spend a night or weekend with a boyfriend. Growing up is not easy I pray that memory and shame of seeing your father’s nakedness will soon fade away.

I have been in a similar situation. I kept quiet but that didn’t help. My parents are at each other’s throats, that situation that happened 3/4 years ago is only surfacing now. It has more detrimental effects now than I think it would have had, had I said something then. If I were to redo things, I would probably tell my mom I know what she’s doing (in the most respectful manner, although it might be awks) and ask if she’d handle dad doing the same and advise her to check her friendship list, just as a warning. To tell you the truth, from what I’ve seen, firsthand experience, it never ends well. There isn’t a win in this situation. If you keep quiet, at some point it will surface. I know how it feels to be in the middle. Best wishes

Dankie bhuti Mike,
All kids are cute, some become more cute than others.
GHS, yo letter sounds so similar to a previous letter we had couple years back. So sorry for the trauma U went thru seeing yo own father & an “auntie” And first yo own mother putting U in a similar trauma unknowingly but still.
If U have a Pastor U can trust & confide in go C him/her & ask 2relatives from both families sides to be there & get it out of yo heart. That will be like therapy. Then U can start healing & concentrate on yo life. What will happen (divorce or reconciliation) is beyond yo control. Both parents have been selfish, now do U, be a bit selfish to heal yoself. All the best nana.
@Mosa, pls learn to use commas & fullstops. Otherwise yo comments become difficult to understand. No offense intended.

Hi Nana I’m so so sorry for what you have to be going through. I think its best you go talk to your “auntie” and probably take a device that can clearly record what she says because frankly I do not think your aunt is going to feel she has to explain herself to you as a child and therefore will speak without thinking of consequence than with this recording you have enough evidence to show mommy the type of friend your aunt really is….and your Anty probably told daddy about mommy cheating ways so then sit both your parents down and you can vent about how their promiscuity is affecting you as their child and how it is tearing apart your home however this is not going to be easy BT rather uncomfortable,painful and very unpredictable but never blame yourself for what happens next because no one is yo blame for their promiscuous behavior but them stay well and be strong I advise you seek counselling maybe an elder in the family or community or a church leader or pastor or even teacher any older person that you are comfortable enough sharing this confidential information with.