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Thursday, August 23, 2007

Triple H for President

"The people that I see criticizing [President Bush] are the sort of elite, effete snobs who can't hold a candle to this guy [intellectually.]"

Translating that out of movement conservative speak, Rove is saying that Bush critics are "liberals," which is to say, that Bush critics are girly sissy men/borderline homosexuals (see the applause Coulter got when she called John Edwards a "faggot" at CPAC) who are also pseudo intellectuals.

Conservative movement morons who have had their brains rotted out by listening to too much Rush Limbaugh and co. propaganda eat up this kind of stuff. Case in point.

Limbaugh himself calls "liberals" Newcastrati and has a habit of speaking in a lispy, high-pitched effiminate voice whenever he impersonates a "liberal."

Ah, don't you just love it? Fat, pasty,middle-aged self-admitted nerd who couldn't get a girl and who has never played a sport and has never set foot in a gym in his life and dodged the Vietnam draft Karl Rove talking about the "effete" Bush critics with fat, out of shape, draft dodging idiot Rush Limbaugh who thinks carrots are deadlier than cigarettes. I, for one, know when I think of manliness - I think of Limbaugh and Rove and our ex-cheerleader* ivy league educated rich boy draft dodging legacy President.

And then the elite-ness of the critics. Yep, the 70% elite of the country that disapproves of the President.

The buzz in the Rush-Hannity-Drudge axis of the noise machine is that John Edwards looks like too much of a sissy to be President (Rush calls him the "Breck girl.") That if he was our President terrorists would be emboldened to attack us because Edwards doesn't look tough enough.

Of course, in conservative movement world, "toughness" is a function of performance. Its being able to act like you're tough and being willing to send other people to act tough for you. However, its not just the Limbaughs and Roves of the political pundit class that worships this kind "manliness" - witness Chris Mathews drooling over proffesional actor Fred Thompson.

Which is why I think Triple H will make the perfect conservative movement presidential candidate of the United States of America. I mean, just watch the video below. It doesn't get more manly than that! Plus, its acting so its just the kind of imaginary fantasy manliness that seems to be popular. What about his politics?, you ask. Well, he's conservative obviously. I mean, just look at how manly he looks - by definition he must be conservative. Just ask Ann Coulter.

Sure, he might not have have that much experience ... but all you need to do is stack his cabinet with war-mongering ideologues from AEI and PNAC who hate liberal democracy and set-him up with Karl Rove - the greatest political mind to ever live - and you've got the makings of the greatest American President in the history of the universe. And just look at him - there's no way in hell any terrorist attacks would happen on his watch ... the terrorists would be too scared of getting put in a Pedigree (the finishing move you see in the video.) Plus, he's already got his own conservative manly kick ass theme musicthat would be a perfect replacement to Hail to the Chief.

*Actually, I don't think being a cheerleader in college is an aspersion on anyone's "manliness" but you know good and well that if any Democrat was a former male cheerleader the likes of Rove and Limbaugh would be using that information to characterize said Democrat as an effiminate sissy.