RA: Ok...well, you're still late. You know the rules, one down and back for every minute.

JN: I ain't even feeling that. I'm here now. Let's ball.

RA: Not until you do your sprints.

JN: You must be outside your mind, joe.

Joakim Noah begins dancing.

RA: Stop dancing.

JN: Aight.

Joakim Noah begins rapping

"N.Y. Do or die. Hell's Kitchen. Know what I'm saying? Twenty blocks away from the Garden. That's how we do you. A lot of people over here pulling for the kid. Know what I'm saying? That's how we do. Hell's Kitchen, 51st Street and 10th Avenue. My block was here tonight. Coach, you don't understand, I have a reputation out here. Put me down, even if it's two minutes. Know what I mean? Just let me shine in the Garden lights."

Ben Wallace: TURN DOWN THAT RAPPING MUSIC!!!

JN: Aight. Bad Boy, baby.

Joakim Noah begins singing.

Adrian Griffin: My lord! That kind of conduct is quite unbecoming of a man of our principle. This youngster must suffer the consequences of his acts!

Jim Boylan: Yes, sir. Right away, sir. Can I suspend him for a game?

BW: One measly game?! Make it two, dagnabbit! That raps music ain't no good. All loud and mumbly.

I think this post ought to be in some kind of manual -- say, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Stand-Up Comedy" -- as proof positive that not everyone is born equal when it comes to being funny. This is seriously one of the most unfunny posts in world history. I'm sure this post caused riots in Ukraine or the Ivory Coast or some place like that. Some people have a gift for this. You don't. And I'm going to go beat the crap out of Kelly Dwyer for sending me here.

Trey Kerby EntertainmentDisclaimer: All characters, names and places used in theblowtorch.net fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are fictitious and are used herein for the purposes of comedy. Any similarity to real people, without parodic purpose, is a coincidence. All trade names, product names and trademarks of third parties, including any trademarked characters, used in theblowtorch.net fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are used without the authorization of those third parties, and are used only for the purpose of parody and identification. No sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation by or with those third parties exists or should be implied.