A FUnnie look at the loony residents of the Democratic Underground aka DUmmies in particular and the Leftwing Blogosphere in general.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

John Kerry's Halloween Surprise

Just as October was ending, John Kerry presented us with his Halloween Surprise. In case you didn't notice, the Democrat October Surprise in the form of the revelation that Mark Foley had gay non-sex via e-mail hit several weeks too early. In fact, it hit at the end of September when the overeager DEMOCRAT party operative running the "Stop Sex Predators" Blog jumped the gun and revealed the Foley e-mail, forcing Brian Ross of ABC News to do his report, fed to him by the Democrats, ahead of schedule. As a result, most people have pretty much forgotton about Mark Foley. The second Democrat October Surprise, in the form of the David Kuo book, suggesting that evangelicals conveniently take a break from politics, completely fizzled out. However, the Democrats did not let us down with their inadvertent Halloween October Surprise when John Kerry told a dopey joke that backfired bigtime. Kerry suggested that if you don't do good in school, you end up stuck in Iraq. Then Kerry made things even worse with his unconvincing excuse that he REALLY meant that Bush would be stuck in Iraq and that anybody who didn't get his strained interpretation of his joke was crazy. Of course, the DUmmies are now nervously defending Kerry as you can see in this THREAD titled, "I’m not going to be lectured by a stuffed suit White House mouthpiece." Yes, they are sticking up for Kerry but deep down you just know they had wished Kerry had kept his mouth shut and not blown the election for them. So let us now watch the DUmmies nervously defend Kerry in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, suggesting that Kerry try to improve his joke delivery at tryout night at the Laugh Factory, is in the [brackets]:

KERRY: "I’m not going to be lectured by a stuffed suit White House mouthpiece"

[Is that a John Kerry press release or is it from MSNBC's "Hardball" show?]

Washington – Senator John Kerry issued the following statement in response to White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, assorted right wing nut-jobs, and right wing talk show hosts desperately distorting Kerry’s comments about President Bush to divert attention from their disastrous record:

[WOW! This is an actual official press release from John Kerry's office and it sounds like it was written by DUmmie ben burch.]

“If anyone thinks a veteran would criticize the more than 140,000 heroes serving in Iraq and not the president who got us stuck there, they're crazy. This is the classic G.O.P. playbook. I’m sick and tired of these despicable Republican attacks that always seem to come from those who never can be found to serve in war, but love to attack those who did.

[John, I think it is about time for you to set an appointment with Dr. Buddy Rydell for some intensive Anger Management therapy.]

I’m not going to be lectured by a stuffed suit White House mouthpiece standing behind a podium, or doughy Rush Limbaugh, who no doubt today will take a break from belittling Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s disease to start lying about me just as they have lied about Iraq. It disgusts me that these Republican hacks, who have never worn the uniform of our country lie and distort so blatantly and carelessly about those who have.

[Still ANGRY about losing in 2004, huh?]

The people who owe our troops an apology are George W. Bush and Dick Cheney who misled America into war and have given us a Katrina foreign policy that has betrayed our ideals, killed and maimed our soldiers, and widened the terrorist threat instead of defeating it. These Republicans are afraid to debate veterans who live and breathe the concerns of our troops, not the empty slogans of an Administration that sent our brave troops to war without body armor.

[Don't apologize, John. Just lash out wildly. Blame Republicans rather than yourself.]

Bottom line, these Republicans want to debate straw men because they’re afraid to debate real men. And this time it won’t work because we’re going to stay in their face with the truth and deny them even a sliver of light for their distortions. No Democrat will be bullied by an administration that has a cut and run policy in Afghanistan and a stand still and lose strategy in Iraq.”

[Yup! Your 2004 election loss has hurt worse than I thought. Oh, and thanks to your dopey joke, you can FORGET about 2008. And now to hear from Kerry's DUmmie defenders...]

kick ass kerry.........doesnt get any better than this.

[It sure doesn't get any better than this. Kerry just lost the Democrats a ton of votes.]

bwahaha, stuffed suit Snowjob---Kerry will never again be SWIFTBOATED!

[Or SWIFTJOKED!]

Senator Kerry, don't let them get away with anything! You're hitting back hard and doing great!

[...for the Republicans.]

Republicans with media access demanding apologies is just the way to get this into the echo chamber-it may work.

[Uh-oh!]

One way for DEMS to get media exposure is to "fool" the media & Republicans into repeating your "outrageous" statements for you. Either the strategists finally figured this out or it happened by accident- either way, good stuff!!!

[LOL! This is like Inspector Clouseau falling over a sofa while interviewing a suspect and then declaring that it was ALL planned in advance.]

I predict BushInc will end up regretting they blew this up.

[Keep repeating that until you can almost believe it yourself.]

They keep giving us the news cycle.

[All according to the brilliant John Kerry news cycle plan.]

So Kerry made the statement on purpose knowing it would piss off the repugs, so he could respond and showcase their lies and miserable policy failures, or something like that? And they fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Pure genius!

[All planned in advance by Inspector Clouseau Kerry.]

I don't know - but he's SEIZING the day.

[Well, Kerry did have a brain seizure, that's for sure.]

Or perhaps he really is pissed off. I love a pissed off Kerry because he's so passionate when he's pissed off.

[I love a pissed off Kerry because he is BLOWING it for the Demcrats.]

Of course, this will drum up the repub idiot base, but that's okay, we knew they'd use whatever they could to smear something to get the elderly church goers flustered, so it's going to be a combo of gay marriage and Kerry "troop mocking".

[I'm glad to hear that a fired up Republican base is okay with you.]

I agree...I think the pukes were baited. It is hard to imagine after so many years of THEM tricking US, but I sincerely think that Kerry was ready for this. And now the debate shifts right back to Iraq. That favors us by a mile.

[Inspector Clouseau Kerry didn't really fumble. He had it all planned out in advance.]

I like this version of Kerry.

[The stupid angry version works fine for me too.]

I always knew that inside the restrained Kerry in 2004 was a lion dying to get out. Look out GOP, the lion has escaped!

[Inside the restrained Kerry in 2004 was a mind dying to get out. Look out DEMOCRATS, the mind has escaped!]

YEAH ! good rant John !!!!!!!

[Your rabid foam looks so compelling!!!!!!!]

He and Gore both seem to have found their balls AFTER losing elections...

[And both seem to have also lost their minds AFTER losing elections...]

Love it when he's off his leash!

[And off his rabies shots!]

Holy Shit! It seems like Dems are finaly learning how to fight to win!

[More like fight to lose.]

learning from Dr. Dean

[YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!]

Why is Kerry denying having said what the video shows him saying? If that's what he believes, he should stand behind it. What's wrong with standing by what he said?

[And this soon to be tombstoned DUmmie WINS a Kewpie Doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity!]

He mispoke. He meant to say "get us stuck in Iraq." MeaningGeorge Bush didn't do well enough in school to understand the complexities of the region, much less to understand he can't just beat people up to get his way. Kerry has said what he meant to say, but he is not going to apologize to a bunch of liars who pretend to support the troops.

[Excuses. Excuses.]

And isn't it the truth? Eliminate the military college people, the doctors, nurses, and specilaists and what is left? There are probably very few college grads in the miltary and I don't know of any on a campus right now who somehow are in Iraq at the same time. Now there might be some gung ho types on campus who talk a good game, but are they quitting school for Iraq? Not likely.

[Is that you, John Kerry?]

It was a stupid remark, off the cuff at time when Dems can't afford f*ck ups. This pisses me off - a stupid ass mistake close to the election.

It pisses me off that he would be so arrogant and careless when other Dem candidates have been working their asses off to run good campaigns.

[John Kerry's Trick has turned into a GOP Treat!]

John, you are not going to be the nominee in 2008 - please let us run this one without you. And please ...STFU!

[Shhhh! Kerry's on a roll!]

And Kerry, STFU, no one needs this crap right now. Kerry just dealt Rove an ace and I'm sick about it.

[Never play poker against Master Rove.]

I don't think his plan was to mis-speak so he would get attacked and then come back fighting mad. He screwed up and it could hurt the dems.

[It looked like he bungled but it was all planned that way in advance by Inspector Clouseau Kerry.]

Who knew that Kerry would be the GOP's October Surprise.

[Happy Halloween!]

I really don't understand all of those here who are congratulating themselves over this. Kerry stepped in it and with a week to go, the media is focusing on whether or not the Democrats hate the troops. This is bull shit and Kerry should have known better. This is why he can't win a national election. He has all the charisma of a wolverine. Perhaps he can repair the damage with a few dozen six syllable words. That should play well in Kansas. Yes, I know he's right, but that's besides the point. The average american will see this a a slap at those who are currently serving in Iraq. And why shouldn't they? Many of them volunteered out of sincere patriotism. The fact that they were mislead is irrelevant, at this point. They die, and Kerry pokes fun at them. Way to go, John.

[Way to go, John.]

Stupid ass mistake on Kerry's part. It was a dumb remark, one easily misinterpreted. Its so unfair to all the Dems who have been working so hard this election season. Someone put a muzzle on Kerry and send him off to go windsurfing or something.

[Or waterboarding or something.]

Kerry and Pelosi need to SHUT THE F*CK UP! At least until Nov 8th. Unless your spouting the failures of this retarded administration, or continually hitting them where it hurts, (Foley, Ambramoff... etc.), keep your trap shut, lest you say something really stupid that the Repigs can spin into damage for us. I'm so fucking pissed right now, I can't believe it. I even started coming up with conspiracy theories that Kerry is a Repig plant, why else would he have conceded in '04 so easily? Now this horse-shit! I realize that people are passionate about what they believe, now more than ever, but WE DON"T NEED THIS KIND OF CRAP RIGHT NOW! Jesus help us... I can just hear Rush Limpdick shitting himself with glee right now...

[Keep speaking up, Kerry and Pelosi!]

Kerry is OK...but he should quit while he's ahead...but he doesn't...he always manages to step in dogshit in the middle of a speech and making himself look foolish, trying to shake it off his shoe.

[I have confidence in Kerry that he will make it even worse.]

I don't know if it will do them any good, but it certainly doesn't help our cause. It's easy for us to be in John's corner and get fired up in the heat of battle, but the REAL battle is over the voters who haven't decided HOW to vote or WHETHER to vote. We're counting on some voters who have to hold their nose to vote for a Democrat, and some of them will be turned off by Kerry's remark. We also need rethug voters to stay home, and the GOP will try to use this to get them fired up and to the polls.

[A lot of DUmmies vying for Kewpie Dolls in this thread. Sorry, but I already used up my quota.]

Gosh, maybe his original remarks were bait for a pretty ingenious trap. Get these pussies to spout off, impugning his respect for soldiers, then shoving their fat, lying faces in it.

I have a VERY SPECIAL offer for my DUmmie FUnnies fans. It is a product I have been using myself and fully endorse: the amazing HELICOPTER KITE. This helicopter kite flies like a helicopter. You can make it go hundreds of feet into the air or hover it just a couple of feet off the ground. The propellor rotation is done entirely by windpower. Please check out the VIDEO of the INCREDIBLE helicopter kite. Not only was the helicopter kite aerodynamically designed but it is also MADE IN THE USA! So feel good about purchasing an AMERICAN MADE toy, not produced by Chicom wage-slave labor, which makes the perfect Christmas or birthday gift. The helicopter kites have a LIFETIME warranty so all defective or broken parts will be replaced. Your purchase of the helicopter kite will not only provide you with lots of FUn but it will also help keep the DUmmie FUnnies going. So take a look at the VIDEO and be AMAZED!

p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.

I did a search for an answer to a bingo question on netscape and found this blog, and this rediculous Mecca bingo song/video...Brace yourselves!. Bingo Video. First I discovered Berryz and C-ute and Mesume, now this super huge chic group...What next!

Links to this post:

About Me

I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being who materializes once every 5000 years in a Las Vegas hotel suite. My greatest goal in my eternal life is to spend 6 months on a small tropical island with Mary Matalin doing nothing but pitching a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert) deal with her. If you happen to be Mary Matalin, please contact me at:
pjcomix@gmail.com. If you are anybody else, you can contact me there too. Remember, if you are a book publisher, please feel free to embarrass me with an extravagant book advance.