The dude who decided not to get in on his usual office lottery pool on the very day that it hit a $319 million jackpot is SPEAKING OUT and TELLING HIS STORY, so that even the most miserable of us shall be able to put a face to our "at least I'm not that guy" self-reassurances. His name is Michael Kosko, he's an I.T. worker in Albany, and he "didn't have two singles" to chuck in the pool that day. And he declined to take a $2 loan from a coworker. Bummer.

Listen to this goddamn good attitude:

Besides, he said, after growing up poor in Albany, he feels like he's already won the lottery.

"I have a job with the state doing work I love," he said.

Yeah right. Never have we seen such transparent angling for a piece of that sweet, sweet Mega Millions pie. Haha, just kidding, Mike. You know we've always been on your side. We're good friends. Just remember that, should any sympathy money come your way. Just remember we'd be happy for you, we mean. Happy to share your joy. In all ways. Or, whatever, you know. You're a good guy.