Please HELP me, my daughter picked up hitting

06-12-2009, 04:07 PM

I am pretty sure my 18 month old daughter picked up hitting at a playdate. She will hit, and scratch at the same time. About 10 mins ago she really hurt me. She poked me right in the eye. This has been going on for three days, and I do not know what to. I have tried saying no, that hurts, but she keeps laughing. I think she thinks it is a game. How can I let her know that I am serious? I am completely lost. How can I do this without hurting her physically or emotionally? PLEASE, PLEASE I need advice. Thank you so much!

it's possible she "picked it up", but it's also possible that it's a developmental phase. if she thinks its a game, its probably b/c, at this age, they're all about the F-U-N!! it may take a lot of patience on your part, but calmly tell her "hitting hurts" or do something F-U-N, like "oh, i see you want to touch me, let's hug!" and be silly and squeeze and hug and kiss each other.

also look for the warning signs. some children are more prone to hit if they are hungry, tired, need connection, etc. be preemptive by making sure her physical and emotional needs are met.

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Thank you so much, your response made a lot of sense. When Saylor was about 6 months old she would pull my hair, this was a stage that only lasted a couple months, and then she completely forgot about it. I am hoping this is the same thing. Since this started she has been doing it daily, but I have noticed a pattern. When you move in for a kiss, and pucker your lips out, she hits. I think she is playfully trying to "push" me away. We have been telling her "gentle touch, but I like the whole hug ides. She LOVES to give hugs! Next time I will also make sure she is not hungry, etc. Again thanks for the advice. All of the things I learn pertaining to parenting are from AP friendly books. I really cannot look back at my childhood for ides since it was physically and emotionally abusive. For me books and other moms are vital, so thank you very much!

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I just wanted to add that I have a 19-month-old who bites. And last night, my 3-year-old decided to try it out, too! She bit me. And it hurt! I agree that it's all about the FUN at this age, and my reaction -- even though not playful -- was fun for her to see. I know that this is one of those developmental ages, and I just keep saying "Ouch! That hurts Mommy. That hurt me a lot!" trying to make my facial expressions clear that it isn't a game. My children egg on one another, and it seems the 19-month-old starts biting when she gets a little overzealous in kissing -- and then it turns into a game. So, I have to be sure to not let it get to that point. She can kiss, but once she bites, I explain that it hurts and I don't want to play a game that hurts me. And then, I quickly, divert her attention to another activity.

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Thank you also! I am glad to here now from 2 different moms that it is probably just developmental stage. I have been keeping up with telling her owie, but she honestly is not getting it. I have been avoiding her hand from making contact with me. I have a feeling we will have to just wait this out, but thank you so much for the advice, take care!

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It can be difficult, but what I do is keep the mantra in my head, "The point is to influence, not to control" and that that influence comes over time. Eventually, she'll "get it," but it may take many times of telling her. Plus, at this age, "that hurts" is a new concept to her. She's just beginning to learn that when she hurts someone, what that means -- that's where teaching empathy comes in. At some point, she'll begin to see what it means to hurt others.

While it can be hard now, focus on the future -- what do you want your child growing up to learn?