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Picking Cardinal Walk-Up Music, Part One

I’d actually already thought about doing a post on the walk-up music each Cardinal employs as he steps up to the plate, but recent events made this creation a more urgent matter. While in St. Louis for his recent (and more successful than his first of ’12) trip to Busch Stadium III, StanGraphs CEO Spencer Hendricks sent me a text message stating that utility/dispensable outfielder Shane Robinson had some sort of metal song as his walk-up music. The idea of a punchless hitter like Robinson stepping up to the plate to weakly ground out to third right after rocking his shit out made me laugh, and it also made me feel this post needed to happen at once.

The idea behind this post is not just to let you know what choices each player has made in terms of walk-up music, but to go ahead and revoke their decisions and announce my own song choices for them. Some of these songs may be appropriate in terms of sound, while others may simply be effective based on title alone. Either way, I’m totally better at this than the players are. There’s simply no excuse for some of these.

Note: all of these songs were pulled directly from the official Cardinals site, though they haven’t been updated for a couple of months. Most of them are likely still accurate.

I decided to be fair I would listen to every song on this list I’d never heard in its entirety. As it turned out, that was most of them since I usually spend my time listening to good music. Molina’s current song is “Sigan Bailando,” a Spanish language hip hop song that would probably fit alongside perfectly with all the other terrible songs like this infesting the radios of people who listen to radios. Based on my brief foray into high school Spanish, I’m guessing it translates to something about dancing. Instead, I’ve chosen Jane’s Addiction’s “Caught Stealing” as Molina’s new walk-up song. After all, that’s what opposing baserunners are going to be should they attempt to get down to second base. Seems fitting, doesn’t it?

Craig’s currently stepping up to E-40’s “Tell Me When to Go,” an obnoxious rap song by an obnoxious rapper known for the occasional catchy single. I’m not a fan of the choice, especially considering Craig is the official mascot of StanGraphs and is far too powerful and beastly to have such a lack of intimidation in his walk up music. Both for the name of the song and its heft, I’ll pick Mastodon’s ‘Blood and Thunder,” a delightfully aggressive and manic song that could surely inspire anyone to crush baseballs over fences.

Allen Craig needs to have something more bone-crushing in his head as he circles the bases after homering.

What do we know about Lance Berkman? He’s a little bit of a redneck, a hell of baseball player on the downside of his career, and he wants the Astros to stay in the National League, dammit. His actual song, “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” by Johnny Cash, is honestly a pretty good choice, and it’s a far better song than the one I’m choosing for him. I’ll go with a mainstream country radio song from a few years ago in the form of “As Good As I Once Was” by Toby Keith. The chorus goes like this: “I ain’t as good as I once was/But I’m as good once as I ever was.” While I’m still not entirely sure what that means, it seems to fit, and it works with Berkman’s flags ‘n firearms Texas reputation.

First of all, what the hell? I actually laughed out loud (for real, not in the text message sort of way) upon reading that Holliday’s intro was a wrestler’s intro music. In a way, that’s fitting; Holliday could certainly give any other baseball player a pile driver (Farnsworth style!) without having to exert that much effort. As tempted as I was to go ahead and let Holliday keep his silly song (since we have the power to actually change this and all), I decided “Elite” by the underrated Deftones was a better choice. Holliday is obviously an elite player, so that part fits. He also swings with ferocity, something the song itself also does quite well. There is one lyric in the song I’d like to change though:

Original lyric-“You’re into depression/Because it matches your eyes”

Holliday version-“I’m into baseballs/I’ll hit them right at your eyes”

Whether or not Holliday changes his walk-up music soon, at least he’s moved on from that annoying “Chicken Fry” song that he just insisted on having around for like 50 seasons. Ugh.

OF Shane Robinson

I just had to go ahead and tackle Robinson in my first walk-up song post if for no other reason than the ironic information Spencer texted me a couple of days ago. Robinson currently digs in as “Ashamed” by electro-metal band The Browning plays. Having never heard the song, I went ahead and gave it a listen, hated it, and chose a more apt tune for the reserve outfielder who sometimes gets to play in Major League Baseball when other people are hurt. I wound up choosing “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon and Garfunkel for two central reasons: 1) the song is infinitely better and more listenable, and 2). the surname and gender implication both match! You can’t tell me Shane Robinson hits like a mister.

Since the Cardinal roster is huge and I want to deal with pitcher entrance songs as well, I’ll stop at five players for today. This post concept is just going to have to become a series. You know you want it.

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4 thoughts on “Picking Cardinal Walk-Up Music, Part One”

I’d Either Go With “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC or “WRONG” by DEPECHE MODE. Either Would Be Hella Fun To Step In With. Oh Those Loverly Dreams Of A Baseball Career That Never Happened
hehehe
Nice Post, Sir.
I Enjoyed It A Bundle.
-B.

Glad to hear it, man! I’m excited to do more of these and cover every Cardinal’s music. It was cool to research, as I honestly didn’t know what songs most of them used. Any songs you have picked out for certain Cardinals? It’s extremely fun to do.

First of all, the song is called “Chicken Fried, “not “Chicken Fry.” I think a chicken fry is something you get at a KFC knockoff. Do NOT ask me to explain how I know. I do agree on your choice of T. Keith for Lance Romance. “Daaaavveee …”

Also, the song is not for just any professional wrestler. It is the theme for The Big Show, aka The Giant, aka Paul Wight. Again, I ask you take my word on this and not ask how I know these things.

This whole comment really makes me want to take away your semi-hipster card, but you’ve had it too long for me to do such a thing. You are, after all, old. The board will have to make a ruling on this one.

On a side note, how old is The Big Show? Like 50? He was totally wrestling and balding when I was 10.