Why I Love Being Single

I tried marriage, now I’m divorced and despite the ongoing negative stereotypes about being single, here’s my 10 reasons why I think being single is better.

Photo courtesy of Barbara McNally

As a divorcee and former housewife, I spent decades in what many considered to be the “perfect marriage,” although perfect was far from reality. While my husband had many great qualities, our marriage was one of sacrifice, social expectations and smokescreens. I felt confined, spending my days going through the motions and unable to experience life the way I wanted. I played the role of obedient wife, nurturing mother and smiling hostess; but I wasn’t happy.

Although our divorce wasn’t easy, I finally felt liberated to live life for myself and embrace all the world had to offer. Being single terrified me at first, but I found that I was much happier alone, living the life I wanted, rather than trapped in a relationship where I felt like I couldn’t be myself.

There’s such a stigma to being single in our society — being single means that you’re lonely, always searching for a mate, and ultimately, unhappy. But that’s just another stereotype. In reality, I’m much happier, and far less lonely, being single than when I felt trapped in an unhappy union. Being single has truly been a doorway to self-discovery. I’ve done things I could have never done when I was married, living my life constantly in sync with another person. I’ve discovered a whole new world and a whole new me.

It’s not that I’m against entering into a committed relationship again if the right partner comes along; but for now, I feel blessed to be single. After spending years focused on the needs of my husband, I finally feel liberated to live for myself, by my own terms.

Here are 10 reasons why I love the single life:

1) I choose what I want to do and when I want to do it. After years of checking multiple calendars and planning my life around my husband’s schedule, this was such a drastic, yet refreshing change. Life began to flow more naturally — impromptu dinner dates with friends, last minute changes of plans. I could truly LIVE.

2) I can speak my mind, without having to worry about the impact my opinions might have on my partner. During our marriage, my husband and I were constantly entertaining business associates and friends with strong, and often ignorant, opinions. Now, I can speak my mind on issues from politics to personal likes and dislikes without having to worry about how it will affect his image.

3) I can make my own friends, without worrying if they will get along with my husband. This seems to be a big issue for many couples, whose distinct personalities often result in a unique assortment of friends. It’s wonderful to be able to spend time with people whose company you truly enjoy, without spending time with those to whom you feel obligated based on their friendship with your partner.

4) There’s peace and quiet whenever I need it. Bliss.

5) I have the freedom to join organizations and social groups without feeling like it’s taking time away from my husband. Since our divorce, I’ve started my own charitable foundation and become actively involved in the local community. It’s wonderful to be able to devote time to these causes on my own schedule.

6) My money is mine to spend. I can budget, save and spend money as I see fit. I also don’t have to explain my purchases, like why I splurged on that new pair of shoes or donated to a particular charity.

7) I can eat healthy without being tempted by another’s nutritional choices. Dinner parties with filet mignon and roasted potatoes? Talk about a diet buster!

8) I can decorate in the style of my choosing without having to consider the design tastes of my partner. As a result, my home is more inviting and relaxing than ever before.

9) I can enjoy a sensual and sexual life without boundaries or restrictions. Since my divorce, I’ve explored my sexuality in new and exhilarating ways. It’s liberating to embark on this journey without submitting to the expectations of another.

10) Finally, I can devote my time and energy to focusing on me- my health, interests, friendships and career. For once, I can really live life to the fullest.

A San Diego local, Barbara McNally is the author of Unbridled, a memoir chronicling her journey from stifled, predictable housewife to independent and joyous living. She is also the founder of Mother Lover Fighter Sage, a foundation inspired by her journey and dedicated to providing women with opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Learn more at http://unbridledfreedom.com/.