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Thursday, September 19, 2013

head space for sale

I got a bike ride in today and took care of some annoying tasks that have been hanging over my head. I had pizza twice but still managed to stay within my calories for the day. I am hungry now and would kill for a glass of wine but water with a lime will have to do!

I've had several people ask me what my plan is. My answer is that I have no clue. But I am okay with that. I have boldly embarked on millions of plans, only to fail completely by the 2 week marker.

This time is different. This time I am focusing on my motivator rather than my plan. The best plan is worthless without a motivator.

It's relatively easy to find a motivator--I want to weigh X number of pounds, I want to fit into a certain size of clothing, I want to be attractive to the opposite sex, etc, etc. I thought a noble one was that I wanted to get "healthy" for my kids. What that really means is that I don't want to be a fat mom that gets them teased.

But this time I have the best, most amazeballs reason ever. Ready for it?

I need to free up the real estate in my head.

This has never crossed my mind before. But as I have pondered this year of living healthfully, I have realized that I spend an ENORMOUS amount of time thinking about my weight, my size and my failures to lose weight. I also spend a lot of time dreaming up ways to cheat it, how to dress myself nicer so I look slimmer, how to exercise (but never doing much), how to eat (but choosing to overeat instead). Fricking waste of time.

I need this real estate. I have lost brain cells due to motherhood and I really can't afford to lose any more. I need this space in my head.

I need space to heal and grow as a single woman and single mom. I need space to store up energy and motivation to parent when I am completely spent. I need space to brainstorm ideas for my business, space to be creative.

I am evicting my weight from my head. I will no longer spend time and energy thinking about it. As I've moved through my healing process from the divorce, I learned to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to God. When I feel myself slipping into a place of unforgiveness, I have phrases that I say to myself and to God to get back on track.

I believe this strategy will work here.

This issue is no longer up for debate. This issue has been evicted. Focus on living healthfully.