My life with God, a rockstar hubster, five Brownies age 7 and under, one Brownie in the oven and a heart longing to bring home our children from Ethiopia someday, all documented with my iPhone.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Unexpected Gratitude

We were super blessed to have friends watch all seven of our kiddos this weekend. The past 24 hours or so have not transpired in such a way that I would have planned and yet I feel filled to the brim with unexpected gratitude.

1. It has become very apparent that if given a night away from kiddos at this stage of life it is wise to get away from our house as well. It's borderline creepy to be home with so much silence since every silent space in this home is often filled with noise that comes seeping in on way or another. This house that is usually brimming with life is empty. Oddly enough it feels almost similar enough to after having a baby. There is a joy of new life birthed out of the womb but it takes awhile to get used to the emptiness of life no longer being housed in my body. None of this may make any sense but in my head it does. Plus being at home is kinda like taking a vacation and staying at the office. The to do lists almost scream at me more without the distraction of kiddos.

2. Even though a location will be in the back of my mind for the future I'm thankful this weekend we are at home. Dallergies are wrecking us a bit and an unexpected ankle injury has changed up the way we would have spent our remaining time together. Thankful to not be a brat right now shaming my fist at God about horrible timing. It's only by His wonderful grace that I'm not. It's only by His mercy that I can see how incredibly blessed I am. Friends that will take on seven kids and lack of sleep because of them. The blessing of those seven kids. Sometimes it takes being removed from the blessing to fully see how much you have been blessed with. Even though the birds haven't been chirping and things haven't smoothly fell into place this weekend with my best beloved I'm so thankful to be married to my best friend. Thankful for all the adventures we get to be on together the good ones, the bad ones and all the shades in between. Thankful for the laughter we get to share together and frankly I'm thankful for the pain and the tears we get to shed together as well.

3. There's this sweet story on 50 Famous Stories Retold about Cornelia's Jewels. You find out at the end of it that her wealthy jewels are actually her children. I've eaten great food this weekend. I've been wanting chicken and waffles and I got them and they were every bit as wonderful as I had been dreaming about. After eating out for brunch and dinner I left really ready to leave the perks of city life and exchange it for something a lot simpler. So much pain and hurt covered up behind fancy clothes and cars and wonderful food. Still having a hard time getting pasted the feeling of emptiness and death. I saw a young girl who looked like her childhood innocence was stolen and replaced by something so plastic.

Any kind of longing that I might have to be on the other side was completely crushed out of me. I'll take our small destroyed house filled to the brim with our wonderful circus any day over that. All of it will burn someday. Every single bit of it will be gone except for the things that we have invested in eternally. Everything in this world screams for things that are temporal. Seriously everything is one big huge temporal distraction. It is hard to keep eyes fixed on what is real verses what is just one big huge lie or distraction. This phone in my hand represents one of the biggest distractions around. It offers a false sense of connectedness, the tyranny of the "urgent" is always pressing and offers no true rest, it steals precious time away from the people right in front of our faces, it's rewiring our brains and the damage it's doing to our children's still developing minds might not be fully understood until its way too late. We are literally holding the bitten apple in our hands.

4. So 24 hrs sans kids might have been interrupted by Dallergies and sadly physical pain for my beloved that threw off "the plan" but I'm walking away with a very full heart and maybe a heart more prepared to dive into the rest of lent. There's lot of busy that will surround Lent getting to dos scratched off and preparations being made for new life. We could be as little as five weeks out from sweet Frying Pan. That is quite sobering actually. Walking away from this weekend with a belly full of good food and a heart full of immense gratitude. Praying the Lord would teach us and give us eyes to see what is of Him and what is yet another big distraction. There's so many counterfeit things in our decadent culture.