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Can't
Take the Teasing

I am a senior in high school. I've been
a vegetarian for a long while and really want to become
a vegan. I find it very difficult to be around people
who eat meat because they do not feel for the poor innocent
animals they consume. How do I deal with a friend or
boyfriend who refuses to stop bugging me about my compassion
for all animals?

The vegan way of eating is not much
different from observing religious dietary laws or avoiding
certain foods due to allergies. As a society, we don't
question these practices because it is impolite and
politically incorrect to challenge a person's religion
and cruel to imperil anyone's health. When it comes
to the ethics of food, however, there are no cultural
guidelines. Electing to step outside mainstream eating
habits is considered extremely odd.

Most people don't think about -- or
want to think about -- where their food comes from,
how it is produced, or how it ends up in their grocery
store and on their table. Our lives are too complicated
to attend to such matters, and the masses merely want
food that tastes good, is familiar, and fills them up.
At some level, meat eaters are aware that it was necessary
to kill an animal in order for them to have their burgers,
steaks, legs, limbs, and ribs. But more often than not,
they were taught (like we were) by our educational systems,
medical establishments, government guidelines, industry
and restaurant advertisements, grocery store literature,
and the culture at large that meat is essential for
a balanced diet and good health. The death of animals
who are raised for food is accepted as necessary. Consequently,
the consumption of animal products is not only sanctioned
but encouraged.

Our various cultural institutions foster
moral numbing when it comes to connecting meat eating
with death. In essence, most people are asleep at the
table. As vegans, we must appreciate how deep and pervasive
this perspective is, and realize that no one individual
is to blame. We must also remember that most of us were
once meat eaters as well, and our wakefulness came upon
us gradually, often with some initial resistance and
consternation.

It can be agonizing to watch people
we care about engage in actions we feel are dead wrong.
Nevertheless, the harder we force our beliefs on them
the more we will drive them away and the tighter they
will cling to their own assumptions. Everyone is entitled
to her or his opinion, whether or not others agree with
it. And, of course, each of us thinks our stance is
the true and correct one. Your friends probably feel
just as strongly about their position as you do about
yours, and no amount of discussion or arguing is going
to persuade them otherwise. In the end, the only viewpoint
we have control over is our own.

Some of your friends may not want to
hear about veganism because they know in their heart
you are speaking the truth and if they acknowledge this
they would be compelled to change their habits. Few
people want their world turned upside down, so most
are more inclined to ignore, disapprove, or discredit
threatening perspectives than to modify their lifestyle
and give up personal pleasures.

There are some people who may never
grasp the vegan message. If a friend's heart isn't open
or ready to hear what you have to say, your attempts
will be futile. Because, at times, it can be painful
to be around meat eaters, some vegans prefer to keep
company only with other vegans. Although this is certainly
understandable, it minimizes options and closes off
relationships that could otherwise bring joy and fresh
perspectives to our lives. Our nonvegan friends have
many positive attributes that caused us to seek them
out as friends in the first place. These qualities do
not change simply because our own view of the world
has shifted. Our friends have remained the same -- we
are the ones who have moved in a different direction.

Instead of being frustrated that your
friends have not chosen the same path you have, you
can help them understand the vegan point of view by
sharing the reasons for your choice. However, this should
not be done with the underlying intent of getting them
to "see things your way." That would be manipulative
and deceptive and could easily backfire. The purpose
of explaining your motives for becoming vegan should
be to garner acceptance and respect -- not to convert.
Your friends will be able to hear what you are saying
and think about the issues more objectively if they
do not feel put down or attacked in the process.

After your friends are aware of why
you decided to become vegan, they will most likely be
more tolerant of your choice, especially if you demonstrate
the same nonjudgmental consideration toward them that
you hope to receive. If, on the other hand, their taunting
persists and you find it too distressing to bear, let
them know in a calm, rational voice how it makes you
feel. They may be completely oblivious to how much it
hurts or bothers you. If the derision continues in spite
of your efforts, you may need to sacrifice your friendship,
at least for the time being, and start to develop relationships
with people who are more open-minded and nurturing.