Last week to a concert I chanced to go, They asked me to sing but I answed, 'No'. I said, 'I'm a conjuror, my name it is Cleggs, I'll show you a trick if you'll lend me some eggs.' Then all of a sudden it struck me, I wished I'd 'ave said I could sing. URL: http://monologues.co.uk/musichall/Songs-A/All-Of-A-Sudden-It-Struck-Me.htm - 10KB - 01 Dec 2012

When ere I go to sleep at night I have such fearful dreams The things that happen to me make me waken up with screams Last night I dreamt I went to the works of Mr Kirk And thought that I was fool enough to go and ask for work. Chorus: And I'm afraid to go to sleep again I am, so 'elp me bob I'm afraid to go to sleep again For fear I'll get the job. URL: http://monologues.co.uk/musichall/Songs-F/Frightened-To-Go-To-Sleep-Again.htm - 11KB - 01 Dec 2012

One night, as I was walking out, I met six other giants, like myself. They were as green as green could be, Not so full of devilment as me. They said, 'We want to see the sights. And you are just the fella we require.' I said, 'You leave this job to me, I'll show you how to set the town on fire.' URL: http://monologues.co.uk/musichall/Songs-G/Get-Behind-And-Follow-Me.htm - 10KB - 01 Dec 2012

Last night I went to a social club To meet some pals I know We danced and pranced and jumped about Until it was time to go So we all went home in a cab We all went home in a cab The bottom fell out But the driver went on So we all ran home in a cab. URL: http://monologues.co.uk/musichall/Songs-W/We-All-Went-Home-In-A-Cab.htm - 10KB - 15 Sep 2013

It's years, an' years, an' years, an' years, Since last I 'ad a fight An argument arose on politics, the other night. When I told a fella 'e was wrong, 'E gave me such a punch. Right in the very region where, I always keep my lunch. URL: http://monologues.co.uk/musichall/Songs-I/I-Had-My-Hands-In-My-Pockets.htm - 10KB - 15 Sep 2013

I never could get on with strangers somehow Strange faces I never could see Now I met a man in the street t'other day But the man was a stranger to me He said, 'What's the time?' So I pulled out my watch I said, 'Look for yourself - do, go on - I don't think it's going' He said 'Yes it is' In a tick after that it was gone... URL: http://monologues.co.uk/musichall/Songs-M/Man-Was-Stranger-To-Me.htm - 10KB - 15 Sep 2013

The 'ouse that I live in is 'aunted, I've 'eard funny noises of late. Oh, one evening in the back-kitchen I'll swear, I saw a man's shadow so clearly there. When I called the wife she said 'Oh, it's a ghost, And you'd better get off to bed. Keep out of 'is way, don't let 'im see you, At every man that he looks, drops dead!' I'm terrified out of my life, I'd leave the 'ouse but for... URL: http://monologues.co.uk/musichall/Songs-O/Our-House-Is-Haunted.htm - 11KB - 15 Sep 2013

Last week I put up, at a certain hotel, I've never lived in one before. When night came I couldn't find which was my room, So I saw number nine on a door. So I lifted the latch and walked in, Just like a silly old lout. But a woman was there and she shouted, 'Police!' So I lifted the latch and walked out. URL: http://monologues.co.uk/musichall/Songs-I/I-Lifted-The-Latch-And-Walked-In.htm - 11KB - 15 Sep 2013