Case Number 15999: Small Claims Court

MEL B: TOTALLY FIT

The Charge

"Ooh, I'm all sweaty!" -- Mel B.

Opening Statement

From hit records to squat thrusts, a former girl-group star takes to the mat
to show you how to buff up.

Facts of the Case

Melanie Brown (Spice World) is best known to the world as Mel B., the
feistiest member of the now-defunct pop collective Spice Girls. Her post-Scary
Spice career in the music business has been mixed, featuring a couple of
middling albums and a relationship with Eddie Murphy that ended with a nasty
paternity case.

But the entertainment world is forgiving, and there is always room for a
one-time star to remake herself. In this case, Mel has turned to the world of
fitness, releasing her first compilation of workouts entitled Totally
Fit.

Totally Fit provides a mix of routines designed to improve specific
areas of the body. With the exception of the Cardio (15 minutes) and the
Advanced Cardio workouts (30 minutes), all the routines are ten minutes in
duration. Users are encouraged to build on and combine routines in order to
improve their fitness level and get faster results.

The Evidence

Mel B. is out to kick your butt. Make no mistake about it, this is a tough,
no-holds barred series of routines that, if you can get through them, will
probably have you dropping pounds and leaning up in only a few short weeks.

In the course of the DVD there are some unique and challenging moves to get
the blood pumping and the sweat pouring. Almost all of the routines have moves
executed in one-minute durations; do a minute of lunges, then a minute of
thrusts, and then on to a minute of kicks. It's simple and allows the user to
get the hang of one move before moving onto the next. The most challenging
element of the routines is that Miss B. isn't interesting in giving you a
break...aside from a short respite in the abdominal series, its all-out action
from start to finish. These routines -- even the ten-minute ones -- will provide
a stiff challenge for anyone who hasn't exercised in a while.

The down-side of the Totally Fit routines is that they can get
repetitive. The leg workout, for example, features a lengthy stand-up, sit-down
move coupled with kicks and knees. It's basically a single move repeated over
and over for six minutes; it gets stale early and stays that way. There is a
good deal of variety in the moves throughout the DVD, but repeating a similar
move repeatedly gets a bit tiresome.

Mel herself makes for a fun, outgoing host. She makes a lot of double
entendres during her workouts, keeping the mood light and upbeat. She's in great
shape and is definitely walking the talk. All the routines take place outdoors
in a tropical setting, accompanied by several other participants. The camera
moves about on a regular basis, allowing the participant to get a look at the
moves from different perspectives.

The technical aspects of the release are top-notch. The widescreen image is
defect-free; despite the outdoors setting there is no light flaring or other
inconsistencies. The 2-channel audio is loud and crystal clear, both in the
workouts and the bonus segments.

The only extra on Totally Fit is a nutrition and cooking segment. Mel
takes viewers through several of her favorite healthy foods, touching on
breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. We watch as she prepares fish, chicken, and
turkey meals, all done with low-fat and high-protein ingredients. While the
recipes demonstrated are all simple, they do not offer specific measurements or
a list of contents aside from the running commentary while the food is being
assembled.

The Rebuttal Witnesses

There's no delicate way to put this, but I am compelled to make mention of
it. As is popular with some young women these days, Miss B. has undergone a
breast enhancement procedure that has left her with impressive décolletage.
Not one to be shy about showing off what the good Lord (and her plastic surgeon)
has given her, the result is a display of fleshiness that goes beyond impressive
and right into downright distracting. I'm certainly going to tell another person
what they should or shouldn't do with their own bodies, but there may be more
than one reason why someone's husband or boyfriend is using this product.

Closing Statement

Totally Fit will kick your butt up one side of the wall and down the
other. You'll probably end up in the best shape of your life if you stick with
the program...just don't expect the experience to be a walk in the park.