REVIEW: Pop-Tarts Gone Nutty! Frosted Chocolate Peanut Butter

I get it. I’m a realist. You’re salty and sweet, ooey-gooey and down right delectable, and I was wrong to have tried to hog you all to myself. I can see monogamy just can’t work for you.

What with you going behind my back with Jelly or Honey all those years, it should have come as no surprise to me when I learned you really did have a thing for Bacon. And don’t get me started on Bananas, or, as even my more adventurous friends tell me, Pickles.

But Peanut Butter, it’s time for you to be a realist. We were made for each other.

You know how I know? Because when it came time to pair you up in all the convenience of a toaster pastry, that matchmaker Kellogg’s company didn’t hitch your wagon to Jelly or send you a valentine from Honey. No, they stuffed you inside of me, and damned if I don’t admit we are perfect together.

Why hide our love from the world any longer? I say we announce that we’re back and better than ever. They thought our best days were behind us, what with Reese’s Peanut Butter Puffs no longer being the novelty it once was, and our time in pretty much every conceivable Snickers form having run its course. But there’s just something about this new love, born from the Pop-Tart, which just works.

You adorn yourself in a golden wrapper, but it’s what’s beneath that shining attire which counts. Could it be our delicious utility together? Sometimes dull and uninteresting when eaten at room temperature, our Pop-Tart is perfect in any climate.

Tantalizing with a semisweet chocolate aroma, each slightly crispy bite of the exterior frosted shell yields to your peanuty and salty gooeyness. It’s homey and familiar – not pretentious or overly oily like some of those organic designer peanut butters; yet at the same time, it’s wholesome and full bodied, like the Midwestern girl next door. I love how you don’t use chemicals like hydrogenated oils to taste your best, proving that natural taste can definitely go a long way.

Did I mentioned the chew? I know there are some who scoff at your ability to stick to the roof of their mouths, but as we come together in one sweet, salty, chocolaty and smooth amalgamation, even the most rushed eater is forced to reckon with the forces of mechanical digestion and savor our love. Even our outer shell, a bit doughy, tasty and bland on its own (despite the cocoa tint) gets new life during this phase of our relationship, as we rekindle the classic flavors of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.

I could go on forever but I think you know what I’m saying. Peanut Butter, it’s hard to screw us up. And yes, Pop-Tart has tarnished the flavorful marriage of power couples before. But in this case, we don’t just go together, we go together in one of the best Pop-Tart flavors that has ever been conceived.

True, there may be minor flaws to our love – you are a bit thin, you know, and I’d love to love more of your filling – but it’s nothing we can’t overcome. But promise me one thing, Peanut Butter. Even if Pop-Tarts decides to start paring you with your old flings, just remember that I, Chocolate, was your first true love.

Item: Pop-Tarts Gone Nutty! Frosted Chocolate Peanut ButterPurchased Price: $1.98Size: 6 toaster pastries/boxPurchased at: WalmartRating: 9 out of 10Pros: Perhaps the single most memorable Pop-Tart I’ve ever eaten. Exceptional balance of chocolate and peanut butter flavor. Tastes like a slightly melted version of a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup, except without the gritty peanut butter texture. Ooey-gooey peanut butter filling, even when not warmed. Sticks in the nooks and crannies within your mouth. Cons: Only six Toaster Pastries instead of the usual eight. I wish these Pastries were pregnant with an bulging baby of peanut butter filling. On the heavier side of the sugar spectrum for Pop-Tarts. Probably not best to eat the entire box without some sort of liquid to wash it down. Writing a love letter to a condiment.

Related

So I’m walking through Target looking for Superman Movie Masters Faora and strike out. But, like I always do, I go around the track to look for new and exciting foods. Low and behold, on the shelf of the cereal aisle are the Pop-Tarts, unlike the droids, I was looking for. Like a hot stripper on a shiny pole this box called out to me. “Yo, it’s me, PB Pop tart (Stage name) and I was sold! I bought 3 boxes of Chocolate and 3 boxes of regular. I always buy a box to eat, and freeze the others. I don’t eat junk food often. Only new products to try or absolute favorites. Excited, I tell my Wife “Look what I found” she said “oooohhhh”. We open the box and I start jumping up and down….GOLD WRAPPERS. That literally sealed the deal. I tried them frozen, raw and toasted. Each way was delicious. Frozen was my favorite. I hope these stick around. They are fantastic. I LOVE cooking and have a huge relationship with texture. That snap on the icing made this tart high on the list. They found a pastry balance similiar to that of a Reeses Peanut butter cup.
We eneded up with a PB pop tart vanilla and bacon shake….what? It was snack night!

I bought these last night at Target on a whim. I’m normally a Pop Tart purist, and stick with strawberry or blueberry, but the chocolate and peanut butter lure couldn’t be denied. And I am so glad I got them! I am eating part of one right now, and have shared with co-workers, all of which loved them. I really hope they keep these around!

I hope C & PB have an open relationship because I’m becoming party to their Pop-tart sanctified union and also seeing each one of them on the side. Each one is as enjoyable as the other in this instance. Well done, Kellog’s.

You obviously tasted something that I did not. I am so disappointed I don’t even know where to start. The whole thing is too sweet for my taste. So much so that it’s hard to taste the PB, which is the best part. I’ll stick to Brown Sugar Cinnamon poptarts…