Friday, May 28, 2010

She is a woman from Russia and have strong will power/strong spirit to lose weight, after eighteen months she lost nearly 155 lbs. You are surely interested to know how did she made this amazing change(weight loss) you should see her diet:

Breakfast: 2 eggs, or a piece of cheese, or porridge, a piece of black chocolate or a spoon of honey, coffee without sugar.Second breakfast: half of a pomegranate, green tea.Lunch: boiled lean meat, fish or a chicken breast, fresh vegetable salad with vegetable oil, green tea.Snack: a handful of shelled seeds, green apple, grapefruit or pomegranate. Dinner: green tea. Below are some pictures of her weight loss before and after...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

“Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn’t brake properly and boom – He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof – Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.”

“What a horrible way to die!”

“No no, he survived that, that didn’t kill him at all. So, he’s landed in my upstairs bedroom and he’s all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He’s just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones.”

“What a way to go, that’s terrible!”

“No no, that didn’t kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.”

“Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!”"No no, that didn’t kill him, he even survived that. So he’s on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him.”

“Man, what a way to go!”

“No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He’s lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn’t mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him.”

Sunday, May 23, 2010

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answers would determine who among them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest that thing you know?" Steve, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It comes without any warning; It just pops into your head. A thought is the fastest thing that I know.." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm.... let me see.

A blink! It comes and goes without you knowing that it ever happens. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know." "Excellent!" said the interviewer.

"The blink of an eye, that's a very

popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, the light in the barn comes on way out across the pasture. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing is Diarrhea." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats..."Oh, I can expleyn sir,"

said Eleuterio. "You see, sir, da ader day my istumach was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the bathroom, but bepore I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, sir, I had alreydi shet in my pants!"

Friday, May 14, 2010

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.After all the background checks, interviewsAnd testing were done, there were 3 finalists;Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one ofThe men to a large metal door and handedHim a gun.

'We must know that you will follow yourInstructions no matter what the circumstances.Inside the room you will find your wife sitting

In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could

Never shoot my wife.'The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man

For this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.He took the gun and went into the room.. All was

Quiet for a bout 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't

Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given theSame instructions, to kill her husband. She took theGun and went into the room. Shots were heard, oneAfter another. They heard screaming, crashing,Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all wasQuiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits down. The owner, walks up to him and hands him a menu."I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah,yes, that's what I'll have--meatloaf and mashed potatoes."Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened. The blind man eats and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again."Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll get you a fork."The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife Gladys that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Gladys, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Gladys complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I have your fork ready for you."The blind man puts the fork to his nose, sniffs, and says, "Hey, I didn't know Gladys worked here!"