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Yvette Schmitter, The Boss Lady, the modern woman's "wing-lady" for love, life and leadershipTue, 04 Jul 2017 22:35:19 +0000en-UShourly1Let Go Or Be Draggedhttp://yvetteschmitter.com/let-go-or-be-dragged/
http://yvetteschmitter.com/let-go-or-be-dragged/#respondTue, 04 Jul 2017 22:35:19 +0000http://yvetteschmitter.com/?p=2113This is a good one. There are some things that you just need to let go of. I learned this lesson the hard way. Some things were just hard for me let go. The biggest one was family. Totally not a Rockwell experience. You can say that I “survived” my family experience. What I had to learn is that my family did the best that they knew how, however, that best was wrought with emotional and physical abuse. What I learned to accept is not to take it personally. They just didn’t know any better. What I learned is that they loved me – conditionally. That’s a trip and a half if you think about it. Being a kid and everything had conditions on it. I had to unlearn that type of love. Took me awhile. I learned to let that one go because I always knew that I wanted something more than that. I knew that I was more that “what I could do for you.” I knew that I was worthy of unconditional love. I didn’t know what that was until I met Jack. Without conditions he loves me. When I was sick he was there. Right there in the hospital, for every test and surgery. He didn’t blink an eye. He “showed me” what unconditional love means. It was an “ah ha” moment for me. This is what I was missing from my life. When someone loves you unconditionally – regardless.

I recognized what I had been missing. For years I wondered what was “wrong with me” that my family and men that I thought I loved didn’t love me back. Well, I learned a couple of things. First off, I am worthy of unconditional love. Second, that these people/men/family loved me the way they knew how. Granted it wasn’t the love that I needed or deserved but it was what “they knew how to do.” Can’t fault them for that but at the same time I no longer am going to settle for scraps of love. It took me awhile to get to the point where I am emotionally healthy enough to say “I deserve more” and not be afraid.

So this post is all about having the strength to let go of what doesn’t suit you. Let go or as the saying says…be dragged.

]]>http://yvetteschmitter.com/let-go-or-be-dragged/feed/0True Independencehttp://yvetteschmitter.com/true-independence/
http://yvetteschmitter.com/true-independence/#commentsTue, 04 Jul 2017 22:12:33 +0000http://yvetteschmitter.com/?p=2111Its been awhile since I posted. Lots has happened. All good things. I got engaged. I’ve started volunteering at a dog rescue shelter and most importantly my health has improved. Lots to be grateful for these days. As today is the 4th of July and we are all thinking about our independence as a country, as a people. There is one other independence that I would like for you to think about. Your own independence. Your independence from “people, things.” Your independence from negativity. Your independence from the past – past relationships included. Letting go of these things is imperative if you want to SOAR! These past people, places and things weigh you down. There’s a saying …..let go or be dragged. Let go of those experiences that do you no justice.

Recently, people from my past have been trying to get back into my life and I’ve had to say “no thanks.” There was a time in my life where I would have let these people back in. But not today. I’m stronger, smarter than that. Doesn’t matter, if these people are family, friends or pseudo friends. There are just some people that you need to keep your distance because no matter what YOU say or do it’s not going to change “their life.” You know what I mean?

So take a deep breath today and be thankful and grateful for what you have. And know that you are smarter and stronger than you think.

]]>http://yvetteschmitter.com/true-independence/feed/1You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cuphttp://yvetteschmitter.com/you-cant-pour-from-an-empty-cup/
http://yvetteschmitter.com/you-cant-pour-from-an-empty-cup/#commentsTue, 28 Jun 2016 23:36:48 +0000http://yvetteschmitter.com/?p=2108When people say that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else; what they’re really saying is that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Picture how you feel about yourself being in a cup. When you are full of love, joy, self care, compassion, happiness, self worth and understanding – your cup runneth over in a good way and you have important qualities inside of YOU that you can pour into the next person you decide to be in a relationship with. However, when you lack loving who you are, when you aren’t proud of yourself, when you don’t value yourself or when you are “looking for someone to complete you;” you can’t really give too much to someone else in a relationship because you don’t have much to pour from.

What I’ve learned is that I had to love the person looking back at me in the mirror first before I could fall madly and deeply in love with someone else. That took me some time. I didn’t know I wasn’t ready – outside of the relationships that didn’t work (for whatever reasons) I just continued to plow through and “fall” in love for all the wrong reasons. When I stopped – literally stopped dating and focused on loving me did I realize that I was loving the wrong people. Granted they may have been well intended but it never was going to work because I was missing a key ingredient. Love of self. When I truly started to love myself, bad relationships fell to the wayside. I was “happy, vibrant and beyond ok” with being single until the right person came along. The thing is, I’m not quite sure if I would have been able to discern who the right man was if I didn’t find the time to love me for me – warts and all.

So, work on filling your cup first with the goodness and wonderfulness that is all about you. Love yourself – unconditionally. When your cup runneth over you’ll be ready for sharing with the right person. Not only will you be able to recognize the right person but you will see that your cup will be filled too because they will have something to give you as well.

]]>http://yvetteschmitter.com/you-cant-pour-from-an-empty-cup/feed/3Father’s Dayhttp://yvetteschmitter.com/fathers-day/
http://yvetteschmitter.com/fathers-day/#commentsTue, 21 Jun 2016 01:29:09 +0000http://yvetteschmitter.com/?p=2105It’s been awhile since I’ve posted….just let me say LOTS has been going on. I’ve been dealing with some health issues since late 2015 that I can happily say I am healthy now and living proof that life is better after the fray. Well at least for me. I’ve gotten a new lease on life. One that makes me look at every day as a blessing and grateful for the people that stuck by me during my darkest and saddest days. My Dad is one of those people who showed up, stayed, held my head as I cried, wiped my tears and told me to fight for every moment and not give up. Wasn’t sure I would get that. Not meaning that in a bad way but when things go sideways you never know how people are going to react. So, this is for my Dad.

A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again.

A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt.

A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail…

]]>http://yvetteschmitter.com/fathers-day/feed/1Life Isn’t Easy for Any of Ushttp://yvetteschmitter.com/life-isnt-easy-for-any-of-us/
http://yvetteschmitter.com/life-isnt-easy-for-any-of-us/#respondThu, 10 Mar 2016 01:17:31 +0000http://yvetteschmitter.com/?p=2102Whenever I’m down like clockwork I get an email in my inbox reminding me that there is a City Meals on Wheels meal delivery coming. I make the commitment to go and I sign up. I get up early on a Saturday morning, ride the train to Times Square and as soon as I get to the church where the meals program is run from I start to feel a little better. When I cross the threshold and see the hard working team members loading hold and cold meals into the carts us volunteers will take out on these city streets, I smile. I think to myself, no one here is in a bad mood.

We are paired up into groups of 2-4 and we head out on our routes.

There’s chitchat with the other volunteers along the way to the first stop and by the time we’ve reached the first destination we’ve mapped out the plan of attack for delivering meals to our homebound elderly New Yorkers. I have to say the thought of trudging in the snow and rain is not fun for me but what about someone who is already frail? How do they get around to shop for their meals? All of a sudden my problems don’t feel so big and daunting anymore. By the time I make it to the first apartment to deliver the meals I am feeling better. I knock on the first door. No answer. I ring the bell. Then I hear movement and an “who is it?” I announce myself “this is City Meals on Wheels” and then I hear footsteps making their way towards the door. The door opens and it’s an elderly man with a smile on his face. I hand him his meal and he says “thank you, thank you, thank you.” My job is done. Off to the next apartment. And so it went for 12 apartments and the gratitude bestowed on me is overwhelming. I smile and my heart just opens up. There is something about helping other people that turns a frown upside down.

What I know for sure is that life isn’t easy for any of us and the things I think are so bad in the grand scheme of things really aren’t.

]]>http://yvetteschmitter.com/life-isnt-easy-for-any-of-us/feed/0Everything Happens for A Reasonhttp://yvetteschmitter.com/everything-happens-for-a-reason-2/
http://yvetteschmitter.com/everything-happens-for-a-reason-2/#respondTue, 09 Feb 2016 20:05:37 +0000http://yvetteschmitter.com/?p=2099Everything happens for a reason…..right? I’m a firm believer of this saying. We may not understand why we have to walk a certain path or why when it rains it pours but trust that God has a plan. “Walk by faith not by sight.”

We must lose in order to gain. Lessons are best taught through our darkest hour. Through crying and defeat. Through sorrow and loss. All of my pain or sadness has only built my strength, soul, character and wisdom. One day, all of our trials and tribulations will add up and make perfect sense.

Until that day comes, learn to laugh at confusion and dance in the rain. “The pain that you have been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” Romans 8:18

I loved him the way I loved no other being. When he passed I was beyond distraught, I was inconsolable. I cried like I never cried before in my life. The tears just poured out of me and there were times when I would just sit and weep.

He is missed everyday but grief has taught me something. Grief has shown me that I really loved. Grief has taught me about love. Yes, I miss him and I wish he was here snuggled under my desk as I type this blog entry. But at the same time my heart was opened wide to another being and that never happened before.

I’ve written about my lack of family and I am not going to rehash that point. I felt for the longest time that I was unlovable because my own family couldn’t/wouldn’t love me. But another lesson I learned through the loss of Chance is that I realized that my family loves me the way they knew/know how to love me. The loss of Chance opened my eyes to a lot and his passing gave me the biggest gift. Everyday when he snuggled his nose to my face or jumped on the couch and laid on me, he showed me everyday that I was lovable and what love feels like. And that my friends is the best gift my best friend could have ever given me. The knowingness that I am loved and being loved.

]]>http://yvetteschmitter.com/grief/feed/1Lasting Giftshttp://yvetteschmitter.com/lasting-gifts/
http://yvetteschmitter.com/lasting-gifts/#respondThu, 24 Dec 2015 01:18:34 +0000http://yvetteschmitter.com/?p=2092As you know this is a difficult time of the year for me. At the same time I have been going through some health challenges and there have been times when all the crying in the world would have been saved off if I had a hug from Chance or that smile he gives me whenever I’m sad. Yes, I am I getting better but I miss my pup everyday.

So today’s post is kinda apropos. It’s Christmas Eve Eve and it’s rainy out. Not the best time to be out and about “shopping” but I found myself wandering the streets of NYC watching everything so “un-Christ-like.” Honking horns, cars running reds lights, people pushing and shoving – all for what? To get that “gift” to sit under the tree and be presented on that oh so special day.

As this madness, yes I asked myself why was I even outside several times, swirled around me I was reminded what a gift is. The most important gifts of all are those that you can’t even hold in your hands. Like time, attention, thought, caring, peace of mind, true friendship, acceptance, patience, tolerance, laughter, joy, freedom of expression, companionship, understanding and most of all love. I was reminded today, in this rainy chaos that sometimes what is really important in life becomes blurred by outer concerns. You see, money and possessions are not in themselves important. Only what they represent has meaning. We are in the holiday season and everyone is running around trying to find the best gifts for people in their lives. But this time of year is not about what you get on “sale” it’s about sharing YOUR gifts. I think Christmas is everyday not just one day of the year. You are fortunate to be both RICH and GENEROUS with gifts that have real value.

So my “holiday wish” for each and every one of you is the ability to recognize, express and appreciate all of the lasting gifts in our lives – the important ones.

]]>http://yvetteschmitter.com/lasting-gifts/feed/0My Choiceless Choicehttp://yvetteschmitter.com/my-choiceless-choice/
http://yvetteschmitter.com/my-choiceless-choice/#commentsMon, 09 Nov 2015 23:11:38 +0000http://yvetteschmitter.com/?p=2089I’m learning the hard way that suffering only increases when you demand from life that “this should not be happening to me.” When we go through crises our initial stance is to look at things as they “should be” and not address things for as “they are.” Right now I am learning to accept what is and not compare it to what “should be.” Trust me when I say it’s not easy. It’s really tough when you are scared and anxious about what’s to come.

The other thing I am learning is that I really can’t dwell on whether or not something should be happening to me. I need to let go of that so that I can make room for the life that is. It’s a choiceless choice – accept what is, release what was; is to become my new focus.

I do not like to accept help from people. This is old baggage that stems from my days growing up under my mother’s roof. To her asking for help was like accepting defeat and you were deemed weak. To hell be dammed – my mamma wasn’t going to raise no weak children. So, here I am with this fear of being viewed/labeled weak. The fear of being not being able to do it all. This fear was not all bad because I have been able to succeed in spite of a lot of things. I pushed myself hard and made a way out of no way because (1) I was afraid of failing and (2) I didn’t have anyone who would help me if I needed it. I never knew how tightly I held onto that fear until now. I’m going to have to let that go because now, I’m in a situation where I really can’t do it by myself. For a few weeks I’m going to need someone help me take care of me. I never knew how much that terrified me until now. And it’s not like I don’t have a wonderful group of people waiting for me to just say “yes, you can come help me.” I’m acting like I am all alone in this fight when I have a small army willing to do battle with me. I’m learning a lot about myself these days.

So, each day is a new opportunity for me to be more grateful. Wake up grateful that I was able to wake up and for the goodness that I have in my life. And knowing all the while, this too, shall pass.

]]>http://yvetteschmitter.com/my-choiceless-choice/feed/2Emotional Vampireshttp://yvetteschmitter.com/emotional-vampires/
http://yvetteschmitter.com/emotional-vampires/#respondSun, 08 Nov 2015 23:16:56 +0000http://yvetteschmitter.com/?p=2087It’s been awhile since I’ve written. Lots going on in my life right now. Not sure where to start. First off I’m missing my dog every day. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think about him. From hearing another dog bark or a shadow cast in the apartment catches my eye. I know that I don’t have to go far. He’s always with me in my heart. But boy oh boy I could sure use a Chance hug right about now.

Read a quote from Bob Marley that said “you don’t know how strong you can be until you have to be.” And he’s right. It appears when one is down, emotional vampires come out in full force. What’s an emotional vampire? This is a person or people who literally suck your energy. I always tell people to “listen” to their bodies when they interact with people. Do you feel tired, drained? You were just in the presence of an emotional vampire. The super malignant ones leave you feeling that you are unworthy or that something is wrong with you. Got a few of those people in your life?

I’ve worked really hard at distancing myself from the emotional vampires in my life. These people just happen to be the family that I was born…well hatched into. Most families have a “glue” that bonds them to one another. But sad to say my situation is not like that. There is no glue. No bond. We are just people that lived under the same roof for a set amount of time and escaped as soon as possible. The dysfunction that surrounded my family unit, I can say is not as bad as most out there but it was bad enough for me. From domestic violence, alcoholism, physical abuse, resentment to jealousy. All in the name of love and family. Phew. By the time I was getting out of high school I couldn’t get far enough away from the craziness.

Hey it could’ve been worse right? Well, for me I learned that I had to leave the dysfunction of my family behind in order to live. It’s a hard decision to make. Some people can’t find it in themselves to speak out. They don’t want to be seen as difficult. Or worse, maligned for breaking free of the dysfunction in order to live. But for me I had to do it to emotionally survive and live to become the best person that I could be and in the end be just me.

What I learned from this is family is not the one that you were born into it’s the one you make. I have a group of people in my life that have been there for me at my highest times and my lowest times and still loves me. To me that’s what family is all about. So, think about that the next time you come across an emotional vampire that may be a “family” member. It’s not always about what you were born into its about who “got you” regardless.