Once upon a Space (since time is only relative to humans,) there existed a being.She was from the once distinguished planet Pluto, now demoted from major planet status, at least by Dearthling standards.The Plutriarch, which is the Plutonians magnificent and revered leader, held a conference concerning this insult to their be-lov-ed home.Something had to be done.A plan was initiated which was unanimously agreed upon by all the intelligent inhabitants of Pluto. And, oh yes, they were all, all 23 of them, so infinitely advanced intellectually, as well as having a magnitude of wisdom, that it went far beyond human comprehension.All save one.And it was she, while musing over why the galaxy of the sock people were continually abducting non sentient ones from Dearth (for Dearthlings are the only ones that have the gall to wear, on their feet no less, replicas of another species, pfft, then follow that by insulting, with further effigies, the inhabitants of the planet Shod. How despicable is that ) dryers, who raised her hand to adjust the metallic cosmic ray deflector cap she was wearing and inadvertently volunteered herself to the mission proposed.This five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where...no, wait, that isn’t the correct one....her’s was to infiltrate the planet Dearth and convince them, in a non interference with their internal development manner, which is always the prime directive for all intergalactic intervention, that Pluto was, indeed, a planet.One that was, in fact, inhabited.The planet itself was disguised using a holographic field which covered it’s entire surface giving it the appearance of being dead and uninhabitable.This camouflage was used by many a planet, as well as moons, to keep the Dearthlings from ‘moving in’.The cosmos was wise to them. Keep them distant and oblivious. No one wanted them in their neighborhood, let alone on their planet, moon, death star etc.Comma, comma, comma.

A log of the various planets (via squirm hole travel...they are quite small, thus the name) our yet unknown Plutonian agent will visit on her mission, will be revealed in time. Cosmic time.

(The following is done in humour, and by no meansis meant to insult or offend.)

+ + +

(This has nothing to do with the story, it is just a thought. Since Pluto is/was the ruling planet of Scorpio, where does this leave them, Scorpios, if Pluto is no longer considered a planet? Do they get to choose a new planet? Do they substitue Mickey's dog? What?)+ + +

Agent 3.14159265359 embarked on her mission. (No one on Pluto had a name. Names weren’t necessary, especially since there were only 23 of them. Most responded to ‘hey you’. Of course, occasionally someone would call another ‘imbecile’ and sometimes ‘dear’ and as a joke ‘Fido’....geddit? Pluto? Fido?)First stop, the 8th planet from the revered giant golden glowy thing, aka the Super Ubiquitous Nebula (ok, so it’s not a nebula per se, but it would have been once upon a time, and although it might seem so, it’s not easy thinking up this stuff. Anyway, our sun does not have a proper name, other than sun, like other stars do. It does, however, have a symbol, which is this) ....

....as she made her way deeper into the system.She landed on Neptoon, which is a two dimensional planet.Neptoonians, the Plutonians closet neighbors, lived underground, as did the majority of civilizations in the outer regions, to take advantage of their planets core heat. Most all planets, as was mentioned earlier, projected holographic illusions to delude any invasive species, giving the appearance their planet is uninhabitable and held nothing of value (especially since most had Dearth’s number and didn’t want them knowing of their existence.) Here is what Agent 3.14159265359 saw, when she first arrived, coming towards her.

Once she made a 90 degree turn, it all became clear. (Yes, Neptoonians sidle along cautiously when encountering something new or unknown.)

When assured she was not a threat (nor a Dearthling), they gathered around her. They were most curious as, although a neighbor, none had ever seen a 3 dimensional object (other than the representation of their God), let alone a 4 dimensional Plutonian one such as she.In fact, they thought Agent 3.14159265359 was fat. That didn’t sit well with her. It didn’t stand, nor recline well, either.

Suddenly, a deep resonating sound was heard and all the Neptoonians that had surrounded her, hurried off. Agent 3.14159265359 <(we will dispense with this and just refer to her as ‘Agent Tart’, because she is sweet and like a small pi), ahem, Agent Tart trailed behind. All were congregated at an erection, jutting up from the planet’s surface, chanting ‘number two, number two, number two...' (Please start playing the theme from '2001 Space Odyssey' in your head....now)This-

was apparently their god, whom they feared and revered because the great one (or in this case HB two, the HB standing for 'Hopefully Benevolent'), their creator, could come from the sky at any moment and erase one of them, or their entire civilization could be easily ‘rubbed out’. It was forbidden and unholy sacrilege to stand or even cross the shadow of their deity, for in doing so, it was believed, would bring immediate expunguation. (The concept of a social religion was foreign to Plutonians. They did not know the cause of their creation, only that they were, and therefore worshiped being. None of them had ever been ‘erased’ so they had no concept of not being.)Seeing that the Neptoonians were all nearing a state of frenzied euphoric climax, Agent Tart felt it was time for her departure. Next stop, Youranus. (WARNING! ANY AND ALL GRAVITAS WILL BE COMPLETELY LOST IN THE UPCOMING EXPOODITION...damn, it's started already! :)

+ + +The following is whatever the extreme opposite of gravitas is.Yes, I’ve sunk that low.I don’t apologize, it was necessary.

Youranus is a gaseous, sulfuric planet. It’s appearance reflects the presence of a high-altitude hydrocarbon photochemical haze overlying clouds of METHANE, which in turn overlie clouds of HYDROGEN SULFIDE and/or ammonia Below these are additional unseen cloud decks of different, but just as noxious, compositions. It’s blue-green coloration results from the absorbed bands of METHANE.It has 27 known natural satellites. Dearthlings have named them all, as they have a tendency to do to everything in their known universe. A rather egotistical, bossy bunch. That is why other higher life forms in the uberverses and multidimensionals avoid them.Youranus has a primarily smooth, featureless surface, other than a single major crater, an active volcanic rupture at it's most southern point, which erupts periodically spewing repugnant, malodorous viscousness.Thankfully, it is void of any higher life forms, only harbouring the most simple of bacteria and perhaps an occasional parasite within and around said active volcano.Some are beneficial to it’s host, others causing acute internal turbulence, planetary quakingand violent expellations of steamy, foul-smelling magma.It is rarely visited, even by the most iron-willed of intergalactic explorers such as the Sphinctarians. Agent Tart thought it best to avoid Youranus altogether.She proceeded onward to Sadurn.+ + +Hue <(not misspelled, it is intentional) mightask, why is everything shades of one colour?Plutonians see ‘through the eye of their creator’.Seeing in one colour only, is also a drawback of being four dimensional.Perhaps, not so much of a drawback because to them, everyone is the same,just lighter or darker. There is no such thing as black and/or white,just shades of teal, which is the Dearthling word for it, Plutonians refer to it simply as ‘the creator’s orb’.Acutally, they know no difference.(and the last picture was much more disturbing in colour. Take the creator's word on it! :)Anyway, everyone on Pluto is 'considered existentially equal,' althoughthings are not always agreeable. They do have superiority complexes amongst themselveswhich actually keep them occupied trying to outdo one another in intellectand learning. Debates are the norm.The only one that did not, was Agent Tart, who would amuse herselfwith what the others considered trivial inane things, or constantly questioned ‘but why?’ And simply dreaming of stuff and things.She was considered ‘dim’ by most.+ + +

Sadurn is a very large, hollow planet, having 62+ moons (and, of course, the Dearthlings named every one of those as well, plus it’s rings, too. *sigh* It is a very busy area of space. Indeed.)As mentioned previously concerning most life forms in the thithersphere, Sadurn’s inhabitants live beneath it’s surface. Entrance to the underness has been bored into the planet’s surface by a ginormous hexagonal wind which circles it’s northern pole, thus connecting to the numerous meandering shafts and caverns beneath.Sadurnists, or Sadists, for short, live within not only to take advantage of core heat, but also due to the debris from Youranus (currently unclassified and referred to simply as Watza Matter), carried by interstellar winds which, in turn, form the concentric rings around the planet’s exterior and regularly rains detritus ordure upon it’s surface. Not to mention the smell from Youranus’ various gas emissions. Thus, their move to a subsurface life. The vast tunnel systems, kept warm by the planet’s molten center, is home to various forms of life, but since adapting to life underground, without light and rarely emerging, no one has actually seen what they really look like. Just glowing eyes in the darkness.Apparently there is generally just a lot of groping going on netherwise.Sadurn has but one revolution, consisting of ten and a half hours (Dearth-time) total, and it is called, what else, Sadderday. <(feel free to groan)Their sole food source is a hybrid called Meloncauliflower, the only thing which will grow beneath the surface, tastes quite nasty, but provides the nutrients needed for survival. Or so it is believed. For all anyone in the universi knows, Sadists could also be cannibalistic.AND YES, the inhabitants are sad. After all, wouldn’t you be if you were forced to live underground to avoid fallout on the surface from Youranus, and had but one food on the menu? Not to mention the lack of light, you’ve heard of SAD, right? Yep.

A rare view from above showing the entrance to the interior and the glowingeyes of some of it's inhabitants. It is unknown what the splatterings are along the sides of the tunnels, perhaps one is better off not knowing. So once again, Agent Tart did not feel the need to linger further, but instead continued on to JewPeter.+ + +

A much needed rest and refreshment stop was required, and where better than on JewPeter.

Peter was of the lost tribes of Israel, the thirteenth tribe to be exact, well, it wasn’t really a ‘tribe’since it only consisted of Peter. Anyway, his exodus was through a portal to another planet,this one, which he named after himself.

He eventually built a very successful inter-planetary restaurant/deli on a cliff (surface land is limited) overlooking the hydrogen sea (located not far from the perpetual storm spot) called ‘Lot’s O Bagels’ (in honour of a famous Old Testament biblical character who lost his wife, the salt of the earth, she was, who’s curiosity caused her doom. Let that be a lesson to us all! NEVER LOOK BACK, ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD or you will trip and fall. Guess it’s better to fall forward than back? *shrugs shoulders* meh?Anyway, he has a very successful business with clientele from not only the 67 confirmed near and distant eccentric moons, but throughout infinity and beyond, and is said to have the best Matzo Ball soup in at least the seven known universes, not to mention his evening stand-up comedy routine would put Seinfeld and Shandling to shame.

Agent Tart ate her fill, enjoyed the show, wiped her mouth, thanked her host, Peter, for his hospitality, and moved on.

(Actually, the first time I saw a Hasidic Jew I thought he was an Amish person. Who knew? Not me, that’s for sure. I think it’s the hats. And beards. And clothing.)

TRANSMISSIONBE ON ALERT! DEARTHLING SHIP WILL DO WHAT THEY REFER TO AS A 'FLY BY'MAKE SURE HOLOGRAPHIC CLOAK IS FUNCTIONING! THEY ARE A MERE TWO EARTH WEEKS AWAY!THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD!Agent 3.14159265359, UNDER AND IN

URGENT TRANSMISSION!TODAY IS THE DAY! PREPARE AND WARN THOSE ON OUTLYING SATELLITES!!UNDER AND IN!

Humph, those ‘think they know-it-all’ Dearthlings! (actually, the ‘r’ should be removed, they are such violent organica, not only amongst themselves but completely oblivious to other life as well.)The nerve of them (well, it's not their fault, it's part of their system, literally and metaphorically), claiming all sorts of things about our PLANET! Before pointing out other’s oddities, they should take a closer look at themselves! Seeded on a beautiful planet that they don’t appreciate and are now looking for others to inhabit since they’ve made a mess of the one given them! In their own language, they apparently wish to become the ‘slum lords of the universe’. FYI, Dearthlings, we avoid crashing into Neptune because we create what you call ‘mean-motion resonance’ by power of combined will. Thankfully, until they decide to place their kind in some form of stasis for prolonged periods of time and genetically modify their fleshy, boney bodies to withstand space travel, we should remain safe. There are much closer bodies for them to take advantage and PROFIT (which is all they seem to be concerned about) from!

OUTGOING TRANSMISSIONORDERS RECEIVED. WILL OBEY (even though I miss home). SHALL REMAIN IN AREA TO KEEP WATCH AND WARN NEIGHBORS OF ANY THREATSDEARTH'S AUTHORITIES KNOW WE ARE OUT HERE AND THAT OTHERS HAVE INFILTRATED PLANET THROUGHOUT HISTORY (possibly some that are as greedy and selfish as they.)UNDERSTOOD. THEY MUST BE MONITORED.....WHEN WILL THEY EVER EVOLVE PAST THEIR CURRENT STATE?

ENDING TRANSMISSIONAgent 3.14159265359, UNDER AND IN

A short intertransmission-

You may have wondered why the planet names are similar, yet not quite the same in Dearthish. We have been transferring information to you telepathically since you first climbed down from the trees, they've just been bastardized over the years, it's the whole 'whisper down the ancestors' thing.Just ask Einstein. Oh wait, you can't, he's been reabsorbed....

​DANGER, WILL ROBIN'S SON, DANGER! (Don't ask. It's an Dearthling thing. I have no idea what this has to do with a Dearth bird, or if it's their President, Bruce Wayne. telling Dick Grayson's (their Vice President) son 'I am your grandfather' or something! I don't know! I know nothing of their species, you knew that when you sent me on this mission! I know nothing!) This is what I have recently uncovered-