It’s your birthday, we gon’ party like it’s your birthday! It’s Kate Middleton’s birthday, we gon’ party like it’s Kate Middleton’s birthday! No, really. Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge and part-time wife of Prince William, turned thirty one years of age today. Let’s lock the doors tight and have a kiki, because this one’s about to party like there’s no tomorrow!

According to naughty sources on the net, this little Royal birdie is planning to have a private bash with just a few friends and family in attendance. It makes sense – the girl’s been vomiting more than a drunken person with Salmonella poisoning, so we don’t blame her for keeping the party on the DL. In fact, it’s going to be so low-key that it’s going to revert back to “rural”. According to a correspondent for Today, Kate is planning to celebrate her day of birth at her and William’s remote cottage in Wales. (How poetic of them…)

Well, she is most probably super hormonal; she can’t take any alcohol, and she cries at the drop of a glass, so to all those of you who waited for an invitation to her pretty little bash, be happy that you didn’t receive one in the mail – trust us, it would be more boring than watching Judi Dench strip.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will be moving into a twenty-bedroom apartment in Kensington Palace very soon, plus they’ll be gifted, by the Queen, Anmer Hall in Norfolk. According to Zap2it, “This 10-bedroom country estate is just two miles from the Queen’s Sandringham House, which is where the Royals celebrate Christmas. Anmer Hall has been part of the Sandringham estate since 1898. The entire estate is about 100 miles northeast of London.”

Now how’s that for an outrageous birthday present? It’s her party and she can cry if she wants to. Happy birthday Kate!