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On Loving When You Don't Love Yourself

Monday, July 4, 2016

FUN GAME: Take a shot of whatever every time I say the word love. Hurrah!

"You can't love someone until you love yourself." We've all heard it at some point or another, if not scripted out in a pretty font and background, by some teacher or counselor or friend or other well-meaning human. It's a quote that is possibly one of the most well-known and dare I say, one of the most untrue. Hear me out.

Picture this: a confused and clueless seventeen year old girl, scouring old episodes of One Tree Hill for any semblance of an answer to one two of life's greatest questions: "Will I ever love myself? Can I love other people??" Unbeknownst to past Kae, yes, yes I could. At the time, however, I was stuck wondering if the love I had for the people in my life was even real. I mean, I didn't really love myself. So I couldn't love anybody else, right?

Y'all know I'm 110% pro-self love. Loving yourself is truly a beautiful & grand thing. BUT it's also a process that can't happen overnight, and sometimes it's just not possible at the time. It is, however, always possible to love other people, & the notion that it's anything other than possible can be damaging and confusing. It can cause you to question your entire life.

The love I have for the people in my life, for my best friends, is a magical kind that I almost missed out on experiencing because I thought I didn't deserve it. I mean, it wasn't real, right? How could it be if I didn't love my own self every minute of every day? Here's a secret:

It's easier to love other people than it is to love yourself. I think that's just fact. The things we say & think about ourselves would never even spend a second in our minds if it were about a loved one. And another thing: the love you feel, even if it's not for you, is so, so real. Don't get caught trying to become a different person just because someone thought they were handing out good advice.

My advice? Just love. Work on loving yourself while you love others. Or don't; just focus all on you. That's ok too. But you need to know that the first option is a thing & not being 100% in love with you never invalidates the love you feel for other people, whether that's romantic, platonic, or even the love you have for your cutie pet. It's all real.