From anxious to social – What you need to know to become a social man

Being an amazing and social person is not a nice to be. If you want to live a successful fulfilled life, it’s a must. Here is what you need to know to become a more social man.

We live in a society where we are conditioned to feel separated from each other. By managing the skill of being a social amazing man, you’ll not only stand out from the mass, it will also create opportunities to live an extraordinary life.

Feeling separated

I remember sitting on a bench in downtown and being trapped in my head. It was this uncomfortable feeling of being observed by others. And even though people didn’t really care about me, I felt an anxiety. I felt uncomfortable in public, judged, condemned and I remember writing my journal about these fears I felt. I honestly thought that I was broken. I wasn’t always like this, I knew that. When I was younger everything was different.

But while spending more and more time reading and developing my ‘social-skills’, it got worse and worse. First I was only anxious about strangers, but soon it started to take over to my family, my uncles, aunts and cousins. Even my friends. I felt, that I couldn’t hold a normal conversation anymore. I was disconnected. More than ever in my life.

Today, being considered as one of the most expressive and loving persons and helping people out of that trap, I know, feeling socially awkward, and having social anxieties is a decision we make.

Out of that decision we can train ourselves, to be more open, more loving, and most importantly – we can re-condition ourselves to a place where we truly can express ourselves without feeling guilty, or unworthy.

In this article I’m going to share with you the fundamental principles to become an extraordinary and amazing social man.

1. Change your perception about others

What do you see in others? Do you see enemies or do you see friends? What you see and the meaning you give to that, is simply your decision.

I’ve had an amazing teacher in my life, he told me: “You can either see the ugly ears of people, or you can decide to focus on their beautiful noses.” What he meant with that statement is that we all have the choice on how we feel about and see the reality around us.

This really is the first step. You’re perception can change everything.

How about seeing the good in people, first? How about deciding to see people as friends first, rather than ‘strangers’?

Btw. What’s your idea of a stranger? – What meaning do you give the word stranger? What I usually find, in the work I do, people tend to put themselves either above them or below them.

It’s a natural instinct to be afraid of the unknown, but know that every stranger is a human being at the same time. But every friend we’ve met was, at one point, a stranger.

Know that every friend could be a stranger, and every stranger could be a friend. Every ‘stranger’ is also just a human being that wants to be happy. Like you.

So it’s about you, to ask yourself: “Does it make me feel better to judge someone as evil or dangerous, in the first place?”

It’s your decision. But you’re world will change as you decide to see friends. To see the beauty within people. It will not only change your inner state, it will also change the way you show up.

You’re perception can change everything. And you can condition yourself to see the good in people.

What you see in others? It is your decision.

2. Reframe your identity to be a more social man

Identity Reframing is a concept I use in my work, and it actually cures social anxieties in people. I’ve walked this path by myself and even if you consider yourself an introvert, there was a time where words like ‘introverted’ and ‘extroverted’ didn’t exist for you. It was the time when you were a little kid.

Kids are role models in many ways. They don’t judge. Not others and most importantly, not themselves. But it shows clearly that feeling connected is a natural human state. It’s within everyone. Also in you. And the way going back to express yourself naturally is a way back to yourself.

The image you have about yourself

Everyone has a certain image about himself. This image usually guides us through our lives. It includes our beliefs and those beliefs control our actions.

As whom do you identify yourself?

For a long time, I was the one, who wasn’t good enough. The one who was insecure deep within, but nobody shall know. The one that is afraid from talking to beautiful girls. The one who has no power to finish something he started.

Can you imagine how that held me back from being the best version of myself?

I don’t know about your beliefs, but we all carry them around and as we are not aware of them, we let them control our lives. The image we have about ourselves affect the way we show up.

The image you have about yourself affects the way you show up.

Reframing your image to be a social man

The way we talk to ourselves, the way we punish ourselves with limiting believes, the way we look at ourselves is a decision. And you can decide right now to change that image.

Changing that image about yourself is a change of your identity. It doesn’t happen overnight, but as you take small actions every day, you will find yourself on a complete different very soon.

3. To become an attractive social man, commit to become a better human being

How do you want to show up in life? What kind of person do you want to be? How can you help others and inspire them? How can you be a role model for others?

These are the questions worth asking yourself. Being an amazing and social man doesn’t only mean to be open to everyone. Being an amazing man means being someone that can show up in a way that inspires others. Someone that cares and supports. Someone that can give unconditionally.

Love or Fear – You decide.

At the core of our hearts, all we want is to experience love.

What I know for a fact is that, whenever we are acting in our own interest, when we want to enrich only ourselves, when we want to take from others to reach a quick state of satisfaction, there is often fear involved.

When we switch the approach to a place of pure giving, without expecting anything back, fear doesn’t exist. Giving is love. Giving is caring. And giving is what ultimately will give you what you are looking for.

Love is when you give unconditionally. Fear is when you want to take something for selfish reasons (btw. even an act of giving can be a form of taking, when the motivation is to get e.g. validation from it.)

Again: How do you want to show up? How do you want to be seen by others? – The fearful man is the one that acts in his own interests. The loving and caring man is the one who contributes and attracts the beauty. Take Tony Robbins as an example.

Be an amazing and social Man – Take action

Now it’s your time to make the difference. It starts now. The change won’t happen overnight, but your commitment to show up as an amazing man, you can make right now.

Action will bring you there. You don’t have to feel confident. Confidence follows action (if you have confidence issues, you might want to read last Weeks article on my blog: How to turn a lack of confidence into a strenght).

But what you can do is to condition yourself to give away everyday something without expecting anything back. This is how I started. And this is how I got out of my misery.

I started off with making little anonymous notes, then make them personal, then saying thank you to others, then giving away food. And soon friends joined, girls joined. And I started to believe my new ‘identity’. Identity reframe. Because human kindness is in all of us.

People have forgotten how to give. But the ones who do master that, are the ones who stand out, the ones who attract the beauty, the ones who can’t lose anymore. The ones who can speak their truth and express themselves. The ones who are truly socially amazing.

It’s within you! Trust!

Question: What is your decision you made. How do you want to show up in life? Please write it into the comments. I will read all of them!

If you found this article helpful, please share it with your friends and the people you know. You might change someones life.

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Sam Ryter, former Martial Artist is a professional coach and writer. Sam works with people all around the world to create better, deeper and more impactful relationships in their lives.The people he works with, find a deeper sense of confidence, joy and passion for their lives. They start to understand and create wonderful relationships with people and themselves, eliminating any insecurities, anxieties and social phobias.