Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Lean In is author Sheryl Sandberg’s handbook for contemporary women, to guide us in
the 21st century work force. A graduate
of Harvard, Sandberg's own resume is impressive: she was the director of global
sales at Google, and is currently
Facebook's COO.

In
the book, she reveals her own challenges in the workplace. For instance, Lean In begins during her second pregnancy, while at Google.
She had to “waddle” from the
parking lot to her office. When she
learned that Yahoo had special parking for pregnant staff members, she requested special parking at Google. She got her request. (Google has a reputation for being a phenomenal place to work at: free food from several
scrumptious menus; you can bring your pet to work; and first-rate child care. So it’s surprising that no one anticipated the
parking lot issue.)

Lean In
is the expanded version from a TEDtalk
speech Sandberg gave in 2010. Some of the anecdotes she shares are of how she settled her Facebook contract,
her first “formal review,” and an episode of sexual harassment.

The
book, Sandberg says, is a “feminist manifesto.”
She asks women to “lean in”—or
assertively pursue—their careers, since women tend to be less comfortable with
leadership positions. As a result, fewer
go on to become leaders. She argues that women should be less fearful
to take on career challenges—despite issues of
“gender-bias,” sexual harrassment, and work/family balance.

Sandberg acknowledges that we have made strides, but
that we need more gender equality in a wide array of industries. In addition, the job market has changed so
that, as her Facebook colleague says, “Careers are a jungle gym, not a ladder.”

Moreover, she advises women that “adopting two concurrent goals: a long-term dream
and an eighteen-month plan” is a good idea.
Both young and mature women should establish goals and learn new skills. Also, they should get feedback; build
relationships; get good advice; and reach
out by offering to help.

For women,
the problem of getting a mentor is especially challenging, according to
Sandberg. She also addresses the issue of honest
communication in the workplace: to illustrate that point, she cites another
Facebook colleague, who told CEO Mark Zuckerberg, “My manager is bad!”

“Communication,”
she concludes, “works best when we
combine appropriateness with authenticity. . .”

On
finding a spouse, she writes: “When
looking for a life partner, my advice to women is to date all of them: the bad
boys, the cool boys, the committment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do
not marrythem. . . . When it comes time to settle down find
someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart,
opinionated, and ambitious.”

Lastly,
Sandberg shares the anecdote of the
little girl who wanted to be an astronaut when she grew up. The boy she liked, however, also wanted
to be an astronaut. Even this
five-year-old girl recognized an ever-present issue adult women grapple with every workday: "When we go into space together, who will
watch our kids?"

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

At
Home in the World is the mesmerizing memoir by Joyce Maynard that chronicles
her devastating, all-consuming relationship with renowned novelist, J. D. Salinger.

On the surface, it seems inexplicable:
why would an eighteen-year-old girl 'fall in love' with a fifty-three year-old
man? But now, having read the book, I
feel I understand.

Salinger’s first letter seems innocent—he was a fan of
her New York Times essay, "An Eighteen-year old Looks Back on Life"
and "cautions that a glimpse of fame can distract a writer."

The letter‘s sentiments made her feel as if he saw her spirit, gave her a feeling of value, validated her talent
and herself. This is intoxicating. In a sense, too, Salinger tries to save her from—to quote Lady Gaga—"the
fame monster" (of which he knows plenty).

But Maynard also had much in common
with Salinger—both writers, both from New England, both felt like outsiders. Moreover, "this stranger . . . seems to knowme," she writes.
Brilliant, thoughtful, charming Salinger was an artist and a devotee of
alternative medicine and vegetarianism. He
had a sophistication and knowledge of the world he wished to bestow on her.

As for Maynard, she had a
precociousness and a maturity beyond her years, along with her sense of
alienation. She is also needy (who among
us does not need or want love?). She is
anorexic and bulimic. Yet she wins prizes and accolades, writes
magazine articles; gains kudos from New York intellectuals.

All that said, Salinger—the grown-up—should
not have allowed this ‘friendship’ to
go further.

One wonders what Maynard's parents (her
mother, especially) were thinking. She
wonders, too, in the scene before her first weekend trip to Salinger's home:
"I have tried to imagine what was going on in my parents' minds. . .
. Nobody suggests this is a bad idea or
questions what might be going on in the mind of a fifty-three year old man who
invites an eighteen-year-old to come and spend the weekend."

Perhaps they were naive or, as Maynard
says, filled with pride. This was in
1971. As a society, we now more quickly
recognize child abuse or the potential for it.

As a reader, I am fascinated by the
poetic symmetry in Maynard’s life, which can only be regarded as fated.
For instance, her description of her father might also describe Salinger
in the early stages: "courtly and dapper and charming."

In its essence, theirs is a
father-daughter relationship: Salinger
gives young Joyce advice about her writing career, about life. He makes suggestions. Then, later, they are commandments—he
controls what she eats (very little), wears, writes, whom she befriends. Everything is subject to his approval.

When
he abruptly ends the relationship,
Maynard desperately tries to convince
him otherwise. (In truth, I read of the
break-up with relief.)

Add to the mix, a flirtation of sorts
between Salinger and Maynard's mother—which may
have contributed to the "dissolution" of the relationship—and you
have a sad, distressing situation for all
concerned.

At fifty, Fredelle Maynard—an author and “a Harvard Phd”—was at “an age more appropriatefor receiving the
attention of a fifty-three-year old."Years
earlier, when she was nineteen, Mrs.
Maynard had wed a man who was twenty years her senior. Slim, tall, and blond, Max Maynard was
"courtly and dapper and charming." That marriage was now also headed
for “dissolution.”

The writing is in the present tense,
which heightens the book’s intimacy.
This tense—the historical present—also gives a sense of immediacy, of overwhelming
understatement. Once you begin to read At Home in the World, however, you will not stop. The book is so engrossing. It is a cautionary
tale young girls/women ought to read: the lessons related in this book, we may all benefit from.

In the afterword, Maynard states that she
auctioned off J.D. Salinger's many letters to her. But, I wonder, what happened to her letters to him? Does she know? Or can we guess that Salinger burned or
destroyed them?

At
Home in the World forever links Joyce Maynard's name with J. D.
Salinger’s. We can perceive it as
tarnishing his literary legacy; or that the book provides a more
complete portrait of him.

"If I tell what I do, nobody else
can expose me,” Maynard writes. “If I
live my life in a way I'm not ashamed of, why shouldn't I be able to talk about
it? I am surely not the only woman who
made herself throw up every day, or flew into a rage at her children, or felt
abandoned by love.”

--Yolanda A. Reid

For more info, visit these websites:http://travel.nytimes.com/2012/09/16/travel/in-guatemala-a-torturous-drive-to-a-remote-eden.html?pagewanted=1&ref=joycemaynardhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joyce_Maynardhttp://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/29/books/29salinger.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Friday, May 17, 2013

Reading
Domestic Affairs by Joyce Maynard is
like being enveloped by a big warm blanket for the duration. The book is based on Maynard's essays written
for her then-syndicated newspaper column.
She writes about her children, diapers, potty training, the time her
mother knit a miniature sweater--with
toothpicks--for a toy bear.

Her
writing is amicable, soothing, warm--as if we were seated in a kitchen, nibbling
on a Sunday brunch of warm cocoa and orange marmalade on French toast, as we
chat about our lives. And yet, it is
cogent and cohesive; her themes, perceptive, well-developed. Her writing is a bit wordy. But I like it. She
writes that her writing is just about
her life.

“Now,”
she writes, “I document ordinary daily life.”

But
it is charming and absorbing, to peek into Maynard's life. She grew up in a
small New England town, more rural than suburban. Making pie crusts was both a hobby and a
passion. (“I know by heart the Joy of Cooking recipe for blueberry
muffins and the names of all the seven dwarfs and eight reindeer.”)

Maynard
writes about the births of her three
children, the perennial balance of work and family, and her childhood home. A few of the chapters include other topics,
such as "Babysitter Problems,"
Christmas in her household, tomato sauce, dolls and doll-houses, "How
I married Steve," "Baby Love," and a wistful look back at her
sixteen-year old self.

In
an iconic anecdote, Maynard describes her first meeting with Peg, the woman who
was to make her slipcovers: “... Because
I was still pretty busy getting the children out the door to preschool and
second grade, getting the lunch boxes packed, the library books gathered up, I
had to ask Peg to wait a minute.”

Once
the kids were dispatched to school, she said to the slipcover maker, “I'm
sorry. . . It's pretty hectic around
here in the mornings. Getting three
children dressed and out the door. . .”

To
which Peg replied, "I know. . . I had nine."

A precocious child, Maynard first published at
age fourteen. At eighteen, she wrote the
celebrated New York TimesMagazine essay, "An Eighteen-year Old Looks Back
on Life"--to be perceived thereafter as the ‘voice of her generation.’

Later,
her memoir At Home in the World revealed
she had lived with renowned novelist J. D. Salinger for almost a year. He was fifty-three years old; she was nineteen!

Domestic Affairs is a lovely, likable book that “validates”—to use
Maynard’s word—mothers, babies, children, family life—all things domestic. The anecdotes are endearing: when she makes
tomato sauce, or spends an hour readying the kids to play in just-fallen snow
only to return indoors after “exactly eightminutes.” Or when she reads the story of Babar the
elephant to her young son. The bookfeels warm, cuddly, comfy—like a teddy bear or like “the
Lazy-Boy” recliner chair she once coveted.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

"Bound feet and Western dress do not
go together," said Chang Yu-i, the author's
grand-aunt, to her husband the day he
asked her for a divorce. She was speaking, of course,
of his girlfriend. Later, Chang Yu-i, her husband and yetanothergirlfriend co-existed in a modern
relationship. But that
unravelled tragically, except that Chang Yu-i persevered and survived it
all.

The story in Bound
Feet and Western Dress is poignant and bitter, when I think of
what Chang Yu-i suffered and endured and still "did her duty."
She had wed at age fifteen to a man she met on her wedding day!

Furthermore, during their years together
hebarelyspoke to her. He was, I think,
not only rebelling against his parents (who had chosen Chang Yu-i for him) but
also against archaic Chinese customs ("the old ways").
Ironically, it was only afterthe divorce that they became close
friends who discussed everything together.

In fact, strong parallels exist between Hsu Chih-mo and Shelley. Both
were Romantic poets. (Most of us are more familiar with Shelley’s
great poetry; but Hsu Chih-mo’s poetry, quoted in the book, isalsostunning and beautiful.) Both
took girlfriends while married, for they believed in "free
love". Both rejected the "old ways": society and
convention. Both hobnobbed in Europe with famous writers, poets,artistes,andintellectuals of their day;
both embraced modern/post-modern ideals; and so on.

At first, I felt Hsu Chi-mo was the 'bad
guy' but by the end of the book, I had a more complex conclusion: He
had done the right thing in divorcing Chang Yu-i. His timing was
unfortunate, however, having left her when she was with child. An
intellectual eager to introduce “Western ways” and thinking to China, Hsu
Chih-mo released her so that theyboth might pursue more authentic
lives, founded on "free choice".

Bound Feet and Western Dress is written by Chang Yu-i's grand-niece,
the author Pang-Mei Natasha Chang. It weaves masterfully the stories
of both women. Chang Yu-i lived a long life enmeshed in
difficulties. She was lucky, however, that her feet had not been bound.
A traditional woman, she tried to be modern. Life
circumstances obligated her to be independent and self-sufficient, in a
time when China was being transformed.

"In China," Chang Yu-i said,
"a woman isnothing."

China pervadesBound Feet and Western Dress
with its culture and traditions (such as how foot-binding began) and in
the lives of Chinese women--both modern and traditional.

This memoir is beautiful and artfully
crafted. I loved this book! And although there are no
villains, Chang Yu-i was heroic, a womanof andaheadof her time.

About Me

Yolanda A. Reid is the author of The Honeyeater--a contemporary women's novel about love, heartbreak and betrayal that was a finalist for the 2014 Diva Awards. Her poems and short fiction have appeared in literary journals and e-zines such as “Women Writers: An E-zine”; Starlight Poets; Mysteries of the Lyric World; Many Voices, Many Lands and others. Her first novel--Porridge & Cucu: My Childhood--is about a young girl's adolescence. Her debut poetry collection, SONNETS TO THE JAPIM BIRD, is scheduled for release in June 2017. She lives in the USA.