Discover what happens after the break-up

What’s left to say

Denial is an insidious thing. A dangerous thing. A debilitating thing. I feel jacked up, and messed up. All because of denial, and its precensse in my life, in my mind. What is the cure? Some would say it’s oppsoite I geuss, acceptance.

How do you accept the unacceptable?

Maybe you can ignore. Maybe you get pass it. Perhaps you, like an old sports injury, just learn to live with it. But accept? I don’t know about that.

I look in the mirror and I see a man that is…shadowed. And angry. At being left. At the silliness of needing me out of her life, but telling me to stay in it, and just accept her new life of dating other men. At the thought that I have to rebuild myself, and resenting having to do so. I’m a man that for the first time, truly has issues and baggage the size of a Paris Hilton vacation trip. I’m a man that knows he is worth a great deal, and still wakes up alone, and feels lost in the dark.

I don’t like the feeling. I don’t like the lack of..control I feel within myself. I should be able to just make it go away. She did. Millions of dumpers do every year. Why can’t I.

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4 Responses

You admitted something before that I think is important. Since she is the dumper*, she went through many of these stages while still physically present with you. Remember you talked about her signs of depression before leaving?

I went through about 8 months of “preparation.” I just knew it was coming. The issues were significant, but I was fair.

“If you X and Y again, I won’t have any choice but to leave you.”

“I can’t live with this. I need you to know that. As much as I love you, I will live without you if X.”

I expressed this with a clear voice… and one over-the-top night… he fell head-first into TWO deal-breakers. And just like that, I asked him to leave.

He may have felt caught-off-guard. But I was already mourning the problem. I was already prepared to leave. But he never believed I would do it, so he is starting his grief from Day 1.

And while Tina may have no logical reason for leaving you, she was still preparing beforehand. Her grieving process started long before she made the move. But yours started at the day she left.

I believe that is probably why you see her in such a different place right now. But you’ll get there…

= = = = = =

*I accidentally spelled “dumper” as “dumber” the first time and almost didn’t catch it. I thought you would get a giggle from that little slip. LOL

well, at least you gave him chances. I find it irritating that she was preparing, instead of being an honest and mature adult, and saying, “Joe, I’m scared, I’m not sure I want this… i have these concerns.” Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do, especially if you’re engaged.

Well… we have already established that Tina wasn’t exactly a [stable] and mature adult when you started the journey, so keeping true to her stage in life is par for the course. What we hope somebody would do – and what they’re equipped to do – are sometimes quite different.

If it’s true by your account that she was young and not grounded, you stand as the collateral damage of her quest to “find herself.”