“yes but novels are different as if I was breaking TOS then I would have done that with all my other story chapters so logically its bullshit that I get hate when people are just greedy all I do is grant peoples dreams but it never works out for me.”

I was told to read this story because it is supposed to be a good story, and in a way it is. And it isn’t. Sure this story is grammatically correct, there is not a single period out of place in it, but it’s kinda dull. There is very little rising and falling action in it, and if there were this story would be better.

If you needed something to submit in a grammar class, then this would be fine. But if you are looking for a good pokémon story, then I don’t think this counts.

Could you elaborate, please? I agree that the story is a little slow, but character studies usually are. What in particular did you find dull? Is there anything you’d have liked me to change?

4h agoHello there Elmo.

Well, If I were to make some changes to “Blood is Thicker than Water”, I wouldn’t fit the whole story into one chapter. If you were to spread things out, like have it so your main character’s journey on each of the islands is was spread across five or six chapters, it would allow you to add more rising and falling action.

Also, I think it would of been good to have a few pokémon battles in detail, like one of the battles that involved Luna for instance. You could add in more details about your main character’s reaction to the effects of different moves against his pokémon.

J

6m ago…You do know what a character study is, right? This was never supposed to be an epic journey with clear rising and falling action. If anything I’d say I dragged it out far too long; there were only a few things I really wanted to say, and I didn’t need to describe the whole journey to say them. Perhaps that’s what you found dull, that there were too many slow sections that could have been condensed?

[Also, I think it would of been good to have a few pokémon battles in detail, like one of the battles that involved Luna for instance. You could add in more details about your main character’s reaction to the effects of different moves against his pokémon.]

If you want a story about battles you are looking in the wrong place, my friend. Skipping over the battles was an intentional choice. It was done to show that Hau doesn’t like battling. The details and outcomes of the battles ultimately aren’t important because they’re not what he should be focusing on in the first place. That’s kind of the entire point of the story.

May I recommend the story “Another Verse”, by Farla? That story is a much more complete novelization of the game, and has very detailed battles. It sounds like it might be more what you’re looking for.

secs agoOh, I actually didn’t know what a character study is. Thanks for explaining that, and for the recommendation. J

I honestly find it cute how everyone’s now attacking me with “This character study has all the traits of a character study!” They’re actually trying! Maybe one day the poor babies will understand how different genres work.I later discovered the root of this: they were apparently a fan of that gardevoir romance story, and made a reply-review slandering me. They blocked me when I told them that’s not cool, because my critics continue to be hypocrites.Speaking of which, let’s see how that author took the continued attention they explicitly asked for: Icarus The Fallen
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/10011877/

After giving the matter some thought, I think I’ll do just fine without a detailed and narrow viewpoint such as yours. And when I asked for you to help keep it well within a moral scope, my plan was for you to PM me, as most respectful people would as opposed to posting it where the world sees every little thing, down to the most minuscule detail of your personal grievances. It’s not helpful anymore, it’s just annoying. And did you really think that in the span of four chapters the entire system would destabilize itself to one where pokemon and humans are equal? Did you not stop to think, given that I’ve addressed that both in the story and outside it, that it would be a major theme to be explored later? As for Aster’s deciding to go if she can’t be “‘just a gardevoir to him,'” that doesn’t make her a terrible person. At all. Would you want to hang around someone constantly you have feelings for but can’t be with? That’s not “grounds for a platonic relationship,” that’s
self-torture. Your attention to detail is impressive. Your analyzation is deeply flawed and your presentation of it is presumptuous if not downright pretentious. I ask you to refrain from reviewing anymore; my “desperate” attempt was so that p…

This message has been truncated due to length. To view in full, please visit site.

So giving authors personal attention continues to be a waste of time. And I’d just like to point out, once again, the hypocrisy of hating me expressing my views in public but being fine with someone abusing the review feature to publicly slander me.

re: Your review to The Tales Of A Trainer

27 NovGohan Rose A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12733844/

Wow, don’t you think you’re being a little harsh. I mean he just wanted to do something different and your fucking nitpicking everything he does wrong.

secs agoPointing out basic grammar errors is not nitpicking.

re: Your review to Moon and Lillie’s Kantonian Adventure

29 NovBatmanRules256 So, since the review glitch has returned and I can’t read your full review because on my email, it won’t show me the full review and it won’t bring me to it, if i miss anything past “Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two c…”, that is why. Sorry, but I can’t fix it and I don’t know how long it will be till it’s fixed, so, I’ll respond to what I can. If you would like me to reply to the rest, please send it to me in a reply to this message (please keep it separate from your reply to my own reply so i can distinguish the two).

To reply to your point on capitalization, here’s the rebuttal proposed by ChocoChipKitty on that very thread (sorry I’m copy-pasting, but they basically said what I would reply to you): “Here’s what I know, and honestly, this pretty much decides it. You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, that’s true, but Pokémon are different than that. In the BOOKS and MINI NOVELIZATIONS that are OFFICIALLY published by the Pokémon Company International, a Pokémon’s name is ALWAYS CAPITALIZED. That’s just the way it is, and if you guys disagree with it, that’s fine – but on the subject of Pokémon, the Pokémon Company International are the experts.” So, with that said, you are entitled to your own opinion on the matter and both of us could prove our own views, but since I follow this view and (please don’t take this in a hateful way) it is my story… huh… anything else i had to say was covered in this quote…

On the topic of my formatting… I will admit that some of those may be typos I don’t catch. If you do send the rest of your review to me to reply to, can you give me some specific examples? It isn’t that I don’t believe you, but sometimes I just don’t catch them. Though, I looked through the prologue just now and didn’t see any of the mistakes, but you’re clearly seeing something I’m not, so please specify so I can understand for the future… unless what I’m responding to is not fully complete without what else was there, but we’ll cross that bridge when the glitch is fixed or something like that… On the same topic, but with my speech verbs, I can’t really respond since I don’t have the full review… could you elaborate on the speech verbs part a bit? But, from what I have now, I use some of them (e.g. “giggled”) to give an action, but I also like to not do the thing where they don’t say who’s speaking in the dialogue, so it’s kind of an awkward argument to have… this one kinda comes down to my preference, but I will have to hear your full explanation on speech verbs to get the whole idea about how I’m not doing it correctly and suggestions on how to correct it.

Sorry I couldn’t fully respond, but since the site’s having this problem it seems to have every year, I cannot help it. I apologize once again and I hope what I did respond with was helpful.

secs ago[here’s the rebuttal proposed by ChocoChipKitty]

And what was the rebuttal to that rebuttal?

The review bug seems to have fixed itself; I can see it from my end. Check your review list to see if it appears.

I didn’t give specific dialogue examples because the problem was all throughout the story. The first one is [“Aww, come on, you oughta not be scared of it by now.” The voice said]. That should be [“Aww, come on, you oughta not be scared of it by now,” the voice said] by the rules I outlined.

If you want a better explanation of dialogue, there are helpful references online, and also right here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar

26m agoYes, it has fixed itself. I checked just before i opened this PM. Before I continued with what you are saying now, I’ll address the issues that were cut off, but i can see now.

about cutting off complete sentences (the sentence that’s in between the two quotations of a character), those errors you mentioned are typos. I didn’t catch them, but they are typos. I apologize and will try to make sure in the future to fix those. I apologize for them. as for the sentences in the quotes themselves, I actually didn’t know that a comma was used. I will remember that for the future. Thank you for that.

About transitions, well, I’ve gotten mixed opinions on this one. There’s your view (not just you, but your view has been presented to me prior) and there’s views I’ve gotten that say i should make it flow better when I’ve done transitions that aren’t like i did in this story… I actually like the way I do it because it breaks up the story and doesn’t make it seem like I’m rambling.

about figuring it out, well, i thought i had, but when i ended the story, I then got new ideas and then I couldn’t figure it out. So, I just put that so it explains why it might be a while for the next one. Yes, I should have had it figured out, but no, I’m not really going to do anything about it at this point besides write the story when I do figure it out.

Now, on to what you replied to my message two hours ago:

[And what was the rebuttal to that rebuttal?] I’m going to be honest, there’s mixed opinions and there was no direct rebuttal. But, I’m going to have to agree with ChocoChipKitty because I do have several official game guides and Pokedexes for the games in my possession, particularly X and Y and Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, and they do capitalize the names of Pokemon. Even if I don’t use Bulbapedia as a source for my position, the official stuff capitalizes them. So, I will place this argument as one’s view that really shouldn’t be a discussion. It really doesn’t matter… in my opinion, it’s a matter of preference. You have yours and I have mine and there is evidence to support both.

[I didn’t give specific dialogue examples because the problem was all throughout the story. The first one is [“Aww, come on, you oughta not be scared of it by now.” The voice said]. That should be [“Aww, come on, you oughta not be scared of it by now,” the voice said] by the rules I outlined.] I was unaware of that. I will have to keep that in mind. I’ve just been used to putting periods at the end of the quotation before the identifier of the speaker and I have never been corrected on it before, even in classes. Thank you for letting me know that. I will try to remember that for future use.

Thank you for your input. It does help me become a better writer.

secs ago[I actually like the way I do it because it breaks up the story and doesn’t make it seem like I’m rambling.]

I would actually argue the reverse — breaking up the story with symbols or spaces is much more effective than breaking it up with more text, and paces the story more effectively. It gives the reader a mental pause for breath that a location header does not.

[there was no direct rebuttal]

Yes, there was. Or more accurately, there was a referral to the FAQ, because ChocoChipKitty’s point was not a direct rebuttal in the first place.

This is the standard response to ChocoChipKitty’s argument, because it’s always the first one people go for:

[“No matter how far away things are, a Pilot’s eyes can see them!” The games do not model correct capitalization in other respects either. Go look up the actual grammar rules for capitalizing “professor”. Notice how the games spit upon that. Then go look at how the games started off writing it PIKACHU and POTION, so no, the games don’t even consistently do it your way.]

The main point of this is perhaps not clear, but what it means is that the official media is not a valid authority on this. Even official, published media can have errors that slip through the cracks, and video games in particular are lax on proofreading. This is demonstrated here by the fact they capitalized “pilot” in Black/White, even though that is clearly grammatically incorrect.

So, no, this is not a matter of preference. English has clear rules on this, and those rules exist for a reason — capitalizing common nouns at random is distracting and makes text harder to follow. That the official media disregards these rules is not a valid argument for capitalizing pokemon species in prose.

secs ago[I would actually argue the reverse — breaking up the story with symbols or spaces is much more effective than breaking it up with more text, and paces the story more effectively. It gives the reader a mental pause for breath that a location header does not.] Well, actually, if i put, for example, “she dragged her all the way to the pier” and later “she pulled her to the mall”, after text, it kinda seems like I’m rambling… though, I do see your point. I will have to find a median between the two.

[there was no direct rebuttal…That the official media disregards these rules is not a valid argument for capitalizing pokemon species in prose.] to be fair, they’ve certainly cleaned it up. But, I assumed that they made them all caps so they stood out more. Pokemon is a bit of a tricky instance. No, I don’t think Pilot should have been capitalized unless she was referring to a trainer class (it’s been a while since I’ve played Black and White, so if it is one, I can’t remember, but whatever, it’s probably incorrect regardless). But, whatever, that’s one issue. While, yes, video games are a bit lax, it still stands to reason that when it comes to the species of Pokemon, it’s a bit hard to find an objective, one hundred percent correct rule. I mean, there’s many different clauses to grammar (for example, Grammar vs grammar) that make talk of stuff like this. In my opinion, whether or not one capitalizes a Pokemon’s species really shouldn’t be a big argument piece… at least on a site for fanfiction. Now, you are right, but I will say this (and, I mean no disrespect in saying it): you will have a hard time convincing however many people write Pokemon fanfictions still that they shouldn’t do it. It’s far too ingrained that they need to be capitalized. One of the comments on that thread you mentioned said that in the Japanese, they don’t capitalize, but at the same time, we don’t use any of the same names they do, minus the Pikachu line and legendaries’ names. Now, that thread made some good arguments, especially for other things like orcs and i did find useful information. I do respect your position, I truly do, but this is the one I’m not going to change. I am sorry we disagree on this, but this is the single one I’m not going to change. Everything else you’ve said I will work on, especially the typos.

in regards to your review

30 Novkatanaeyegaming hi was just letting you know that it’s not a separate chapter it’s actually a separate part of the story as i ended the 4th one and started it where it left off so technically its a novel #readtheseries

6m agoalso if you review me like that hate on sorakeyblade99 for that he did it too.

secs ago[i ended the 4th one and started it where it left off so technically its a novel]

…So it is a chapter, then? You do realize novels have chapters, right?

4m agoyes but novels are different as if I was breaking TOS then I would have done that with all my other story chapters so logically its bullshit that I get hate when people are just greedy all I do is grant peoples dreams but it never works out for me.

secs agoIt’s annoying because it clutters up the archive and makes it harder to follow the story. It’s not even “hate”, it’s just a request that you make things easier for everyone else.

While you’re at it, you really need to work on your communications skills. I can barely understand you.

secs agoalright, talk to you later. until then Team Brute Force Wyvern out

RE: your review on In This World

30 Novwhatanauthorsgottado You know, I’ve talked to Farla about this and I feel like you’re almost the same person, so I’m going to assume that you are based on the very close similarities in your reviewing style. The games capitalize each instance of a Pokemon’s species name, so I’m going to do the same thing. I don’t care what your forum says.

The mom is abusive. Her promiscuity and dishonestly add fuel to the main character’s anger fire.

If you look at the Bulbapedia page, Hoenn has a population of around 250. I know this is a little unrealistic, but this is a fanfiction.

Using Arceus as god is a common fanfic trope. I’m using it.

I consider it more of a prologue simply because the main character hasn’t even gotten her Pokémon yet, which is a little odd by nuzlocke standards.

secs ago[The games capitalize each instance of a Pokemon’s species name, so I’m going to do the same thing.]

You’re also going to capitalize every instance of “pilot”, then?

[Using Arceus as god is a common fanfic trope.]

A dumb thing being common does not make it any less dumb. I’m only going to respect your decision if you can give me a real reason for it.

[I consider it more of a prologue simply because the main character hasn’t even gotten her Pokémon yet, which is a little odd by nuzlocke standards.]

And as I explained, that’s not what a prologue means:

[“Prologue” is not a fancy name for “first chapter”. According to Dictionary dot com, its definition is:

1. a preliminary discourse; a preface or introductory part of a discourse, poem, or novel. 2. an introductory speech, often in verse, calling attention to the theme of a play. 4. an introductory scene, preceding the first act of a play, opera, etc.

Those things are all a bit more complex than just “the first part of the story”. A prologue is separate from the main story. It occurs in a different time or place, or has a different narrator. A prologue is used to set up the main story in some way, often to establish an unusual setting or circumstance, describe an important subplot that will be revisited much later, or to draw attention to a theme. (This also means that it has to be self-contained, which usually means it has to be pretty substantial, so don’t use “It’s just a prologue!” as an excuse for a tiny first chapter.) If your first chapter doesn’t do this, it’s not a prologue, it’s just the first chapter of the story. A scene with Team Evil setting up their master plot before your main character’s journey begins is a prologue. If your plot is connected to a historical event, a depiction of, say, the creation of the Regis is a prologue. Your main character beginning the pokemon journey that will comprise the rest of the story is a first chapter.]

If you didn’t want my comments, you should have blocked me to save us the trouble. Farla and I are not the same person, so you will need to block us separately.