Top 10 Films presents a selection of “alternative” Christmas movies – films that have some link to the holiday period without, perhaps, fully embracing the festive spirit…

Whimsical, feel-good festive fun. Sing-a-long musicals and family entertainment. Bumbling cartoon characters, flying reindeer, talking animals, elves making toys, angels getting wings, they are all part of the Christmas movie. But there’s another side to a Christmas sat in front of the telly. The Dark Side. Pitch black film noir, offbeat comedy, sadistic horror. Killer snowmen, drunk Santa’s, capitalist in-fighting, sex fetishes and rampant orgies, terrorists, lunatics, Christmas tree robbers, murderers hiding in the attic, marriage breakdowns and the curse of the mother-in-law. No songs in sight, no talking animals (do Gremlins count?), and maybe no happy ending. There is another way to enjoy the holidays. This is the top 10 alternative Christmas films list.

10. Mixed Nuts (Ephron, 1994)What’s in the Christmas Cracker: Black comedyChristmas cheer provided by: Lunatics, paranoid social workers, Christmas tree stealers, and a dead bodyChristmas dinner speech: “May I put you on hold while I run to my desk? You’re not calling from a bridge or holding a weapon, are you?”

9. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Black, 2005)What’s in the Christmas Cracker: black comedy/film noirChristmas cheer provided by: An openly gay private investigator and a self-referential small-time criminalChristmas dinner speech: “Its hard to believe it was just last Christmas that Harmony and I changed the world. And we didn’t mean to and it didn’t last long. You know a thing like that can’t.”

7. Gremlins (Dante, 1984)What’s in the Christmas Cracker: Horror-comedyChristmas cheer provided by: little creatures that get very nasty when wetChristmas dinner speech: “The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn’t home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That’s when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He’d been climbing down the chimney… his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that’s how I found out there was no Santa Claus.”

6. Eyes Wide Shut (Kubrick, 1999)What’s in the Christmas Cracker: Neo-noir mysteryChristmas cheer provided by: Upper-class sex maniacsChristmas dinner speech: “When she is having her little titties squeezed, do you think she ever has any fantasies about what handsome Dr. Bill’s dickie might be like?

4. The Ref (Demme, 1994) (aka Hostile Hostages)What’s in the Christmas Cracker: black comedyChristmas cheer provided by: retiring cat burglar, bickering married couple, mother-in-law from hell, inept police officers, blackmailing sonChristmas dinner speech: “From now on, the only person who gets to yell is me. Why? Because I have a gun. People with guns get to do whatever they want. Married people without guns – for instance – you – do not get to yell. Why? No guns! No guns, no yelling. See? Simple little equation.”

3. Die Hard (McTiernan, 1987)What’s in the Christmas Cracker: Action-thrillerChristmas cheer provided by: heroic cop, German terrorists, overzealous FBI agentsChristmas dinner speech: “Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.”

2. Black Christmas (Clark, 1974)What’s in the Christmas Cracker: Slasher horrorChristmas cheer provided by: mysterious phone caller and a killer hiding in the atticChristmas dinner speech: “These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get up there!”

About the Author

Editor of Top 10 Films, Dan Stephens is usually found pondering his next list. An unhealthy love of 1980s Hollywood sees most of his top 10s involving a time-travelling DeLorean and an adventurous archaeologist going by the name Indiana.

25 Comments

Good and varied choice over there, Daniel, especially Eyes Wide Shut and… Deep Red! Somehow I can’t imagine that turning up on our beloved Freeview service over the festive period. Ah, at least we have beloved DVD to fill the gaps…

Great list, many I wouldn’t have thought of. I remember catching The Ref on TV late at night once – great little comedy. It was called Hostile Hostages when I saw it, as you mention, I think it’s the title they use in Europe.

there could be only one number one i guess
i had completely forgotten eyes wide shut had a festive setting – such a great film, really underrated
ignore the stupid orgy stuff and treat it as the mystery flick that it is and its enjoyable fare

Brilliant list, Dan! I toyed with the idea of an alternative Christmas movie list, but there’s a few here I never would have thought of. When I saw Deep Red there, for instance, I slapped my head and exclaimed ‘of course!’ Inspired.

Gremlins definitely gets my vote – A festive favourite! Who wouldn’t want to look at Gizmo’s face every Christmas I used to be terrified of Stripe – A little like I was terrified (yearly) of John Lithgow in the Santa Claus movie.

What To Watch..?

Latest Top Tens

Doctors in cinema rarely save lives, in fact, much of the time they only make life more difficult! It's more fun that way! Here's 10 crazy movie doctors - from Doc Brown to Hannibal Lecter - you simply can't miss...

Five Great…

Features

Interviews

No written content appearing on this site may be reproduced, reposted, or reused in any manner without permission. Images (of which Top10Films.co.uk assumes no ownership unless otherwise stated) are used for promotional or illustrative purposes and their copyright remains the property of the original owner.