"Hairy Polarity and the Sinister Sorcery Satire" is a full length comic book put out by Tim Todd's Revival Fires Ministries. Unlike his other entries in his "Truth for Youth" series, Harry Polarity attempts to simultaneously parody, criticize and cash-in on the Harry Potter Mania that was sweeping the nation back when this comic was first published. Despite not having a firm grasp of what the Harry Potter novels actually contain, it seems that Tim Todd and company seem to have a rather tenuous grasp on how the supposed witchcraft the novels are suppose to elicit in their readers would actually play out in real life. What we end up with is a Wonka-esque tumble down the rabbit hole that is equal parts half-baked cameos, horrible puns, and interdimensional travel that would give Dr. Who a run for his money. The $64 question seems to be "Does Tim Todd think this is how reality actually works?"

Hi folks, my name is Urvy Jaramillo, and I was the lucky guy to find this comic online on a website after reading the preview pics at The Truth For Youth website. I wanted to find out what's it about, so I did a search and it was there. I read it for myself and saw how ridiculous it looked! Still, I am honored to be a part of this dissection, so let's get this show on the road, everypony! (Sorry for the “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” joke. I am a brony, by the way.)

Sean:

Glad to have you on board Urvy. I would like to point out that we were aware of this comic's existence for a while, but were hesitant due to fear of copyright issues. Thankfully, we've learned that since this is both a parody and a review, it falls under fair use. Now let's just see what comedy gold we can mine out of this.

Urvy:

What? No “Truth About insert topic here” subtitle? Lord Vulgarmouth looks like an Asian version of The Joker from the 2004-2006 Batman show right here...

“Deep Fat Fry Minnie and the others!?” SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!

Looks like it's one of those “seems like yesterday” flashback stories, eh?

On a side note, Ari is maybe a dead ringer for Stats from that safe sex comic...

Sean:

There's something really off about this panel, and I think it has something to do with the fact that Ari's looking at the camera. Hey Ari, maybe you should pay attention to your friend's imminent danger? No rush though, take your time.

Jessica:

It's good to know Ari has all the acting chops of a late 80's B-Porn movie actress.

Urvy:

AHHHH!!!!! MY EARS!!!! Way to almost make me deaf here, Ari!

Sean:

Ari has a point here, he's not shooting heroin, or playing hooky or anything like that. It seems that his only crime is not making worship his only past time.

Jessica:

His dad must have seen “The Exorcist” after he got that demon out...

Sean:

Demons, exorcisms and real witchcraft? I think it's time to update Dad's prescription.

Sean:

Again, I gotta side with Ari. His parents are seriously over reacting. Saying Harry Potter encourages kids to join Satanism is like saying that reading "The Hunger Games" encourages them to kill people.

I know that the real Harry Potter franchise has a theme park in Orlando, but this is ridiculous here! Did the artists use a DeLorean to go to the future? I know the theme park had rides and such, but an actual dedicated store? Heck, if I went to a dedicated Ghostbusters or My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic store, I would go “SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!”

“Dr. Bella Verbosi”, eh? Looks like they had to combine a well-known name with a weird one.

Sean:

I want everyone to take a good look at this panel, because this is the perfect example of how silly Tim Todd comes across when he tries to appeal to the kids of today. First, we have pink haired Super Saiyan Harry Potter. Guess he thought he'd also take a stab at Dragonball Z. Second, we have his terrible parody names (because kids are totally going to get the Bela Legosi reference). And finally his laughable attempts at slang. Seriously, "Phat"? This comic was printed in 2004! That word was out of style even when I was a kid!

Sean:

Hang on... why is Ari flip flopping all the sudden? Just a few panes ago he was so adamant about how his parents were being oppressive, and now he suddenly agrees with them? While I did expect him to change by the end, we haven't even gotten to the actual witchcraft yet! Jumping the gun a bit aren't we Mr. Todd?

Jessica:

You can't rightly expect consistency in a place like this, now can you?

I'm beginning to think that Ari's parents were somewhat right about this girl. She's leading Ari to break into restricted areas. Apparently she saw the sign above the door but not the big "Do not enter" warning.

Jessica:

It makes you wonder how this girl managed to get past the age of ten. "Stranger Danger" is a real thing, you know.

Urvy:

So, magic is all about guessing passwords while leaving clues behind? The person who worked on that store was running out of ideas, if you ask me.

Chanting in a employees only area? Weird, I thought it would have microwaves, vending machines and such like a normal employee lounge.

Sean:

Oh my god, the creators of Harry Potter are secretly in league with Ri-Chan! (No, I'm not letting that go. It's still a stupid name)

Urvy:

If I join a book club, I doubt that they would do freaky ceremonies with candles and pentagrams or pink sunglasses. Also, “brainstretching”? Is that like where they take out one's brain and stretch it like putty?

I think I am thinking of that Cheers theme song when Minnie said that. Oh and Minnie, a Mr. Ron Stopable will see you in court for stealing his catch phrase.

Speaking of lawsuits, I believe that “Magical Mystery Tour” quote is trademarked, Ingrid.

Sean:

So they learn everything about these kids, drug them, take their clothes off while they're sleeping, and then offer to run away from their parents and go to a world where their greatest desires come true. Am I the only one creeped out by this?

Looks like they're also stealing from Pink Floyd, but added wings to avoid a lawsuit, very clever, Mr. Todd.

Sean:

What the hell is up with Ari's face in the first panel? I guess they're trying to make him look amazed, but he comes off like he's opening wide for a money shot. This comic just keeps getting more and more inappropriate.

There goes that flying pig again, how many appearances he'll make by the time this comic ends?

Sean:

Of course Minnie can cast that spell, it's not rocket science. In fact, it was really easy. Why would she even need to go to school if she already knows all the spells?

Jessica:

It has been pointed out in other sources that students in the Harry Potter universe don't actually study subjects like math or history as their lessons only cover magical topics. I'm guessing Pigzits is no different in this regard.

There's no humor like good 'ole meta-humor. What's with Ari's self awareness here? This isn't Deadpool.

Sean:

Of course not, Deadpool is actually funny.

So you want these two to continue writing the books? Have you ever read anything by a 14 year old? Trust me, you'd get the same quality from publishing "My Immortal".

Urvy:

Let's see, the spy council of ghosts consists of Porky Pig, Rapunzel, a Musketeer, and a head of a scarecrow king... Boy, even though this story is parody, there's lots of copyright violations here, then again, parody is protected by the First Amendment anyway.

Jessica:

Lucky for us.

Urvy:

”I am a Gandalf wannabe”, heh, mocking Dumbledore by calling him a Gandalf ripoff, how interesting.

Sean:

Wait, I thought they just told us that Hairy was fictitious. Consistent much?

Sean:

Look out! They're under attack by an extinguished Balrog!

Jessica:

Apparently that thing is a "Trollgre."

...which I guess is what you get when a troll screws an ogre. Try getting that image out of your head.

So you followed an mysterious note, signed by a fictional character, into a back alley behind the store? Jesus, this is making the bike shop owner from Diff'rent Strokes look like a calculating genius.

”No more playing Christian, I want to play a real game! Find me an NES!”

Sean:

Gee, another Salvation scene. I totally did not see that coming.

Sean:

Couldn't they have just put the shades on while he was asleep? Just asking.

Urvy:

Oh My Gosh, a typical Anime shock gag!

Sean:

I don't blame Minnie for being skeptical here. Ari was going on about how this was against his religion all throughout this comic, and when he tried to invoke Jesus it failed while her magic succeeded. Now he's suddenly telling her that it'll work for real this time despite not giving any proof.

Urvy:

”OBJECTION! You are controlled by Vulgermouth, you Gandalf wannabe!”

Sean:

Way to blow your cover there dude. Minnie probably would have just believed Ari was out of his mind until you decided to attack a defenseless kid.

There's something that's been bothering me for a while: Why did Tim Todd decide to make the JK Rowling equivalent of this world a man? Did he somehow miss the hundreds of public appearances she had made and simply assumed she was a dude?

Jessica:

Verbosi desperately needs to see an Orthodontist. Either than or magic himself up some dentures. Guy must be british.

Urvy:

OBJECTION! Tell the truth, Verbosi!

Sean:

"I wrote them, you fuck fool!" Is that meant to imply that Ari is a virgin? If so, I think Vulgarmouth hit the nail on the head pretty hard.

Urvy:

Now, Tim Todd is stealing from George Lucas!

Sean:

Ow! The puns! They hurt!

Urvy:

Looks like we have Eddie from those Iron Maiden albums in a witch hat, Discord from “My Little pony: Friendship is Magic”, Bowser, one of the Gremlins hugging a kid, Yoda hiding in the background, and in the far right, a depressed Lord of Darkness from that “Legend” movie.

Sean:

I like the Swamp Thing cameo on the far left. Sorry Tim, but that's as close to being Alan Moore as you're ever going to get.

Urvy:

Whoa! I didn't know that demons resemble deer on steroids!

Jessica:

"It is I! Thuukus! Duketh of Demonths!"

Sean:

Meh, it's still a better name than "Ri-Chan".

Jessica:

He likes that shape best? It must have a huge wang or something.

Urvy:

”Hey kids! Now you can have your own demon with a book!”

Jessica:

It's like those crappy prizes that come in Cracker Jack boxes.

Sean:

I've grown up with Harry Potter fans, several of which I remain friends with to this day. I can safely say that none of them believe for a second that they can use magic.

Urvy:

”A cancer so deadly, little kids will be witches and fly on broomsticks and do stereotypical witch things!” Seriously folks, I doubt reading books will make kids cast spells, fly on broomsticks (which is impossible in reality), sacrifice animals and virgins, and all that jazz anyway.

Jessica:

It may be impossible to fly on a broom... but don't tell that to all of those idiotic college Quiddich leagues.

Sean:

So they know they're going to lose to God in the Apocalypse, but they're going to fight him anyway...why?

Jessica:

I guess they're just really, really, REALLY obstinate.

Urvy:

Do I really need to sing the Randy Orton entrance theme about hearing voices? Because, I think that song fits this panel.

Sean:

A book taking place in the late 20th century, using a modern dialect of English was written 200 years ago. Uh-huh, sure.

Urvy:

Remember what I said on the previous panel? I think that Randy Orton song would be a better fit here, because Verbosi is really hearing voices in his head more.

I think this Demon's plan is a bit over complicated. Why not just turn into a human and write all the books yourself?

Urvy:

”Because she prefers free choice!” So, is Tim Todd saying that freedom of choice is demonic? I don't see that in the Bible, I can tell you.

Sean:

Wow, God's an asshole. "I'm not going to help Minnie because she doesn't believe in me"

Urvy:

”You are one big, ugly motherf***er!” Now Tim Todd is ripping off Predator!

Sean:

Hang on, I thought their magic was actually the work of Demons. Why would they disobey Thuukus' commands?

Urvy:

”Am I still in this comic?” Yep Minnie, but we're almost done.

Jessica:

Now we've just done away with subtlety all together and just torn an enormous, gaping hole in the fourth wall.

Urvy:

So that Yu-Gi-Oh cosplayer is an angel, but why the Yu-Gi-Oh getup? And he's huge than what we saw earlier!

Sean:

Hang on, I thought their magic was actually the work of Demons. Why would they disobey Thuukus' commands?

Urvy:

”Come with me if you want to live, Ari!” Another movie reference, only Tim Todd changed it to avoid lawsuits here. Pretty sneaky there, Tim!

Jessica:

Looks like the angel there likes to keep up on the manicures.

Sean:

I know Minnie didn't see all of Thuukus' revelations. But surely she can turn her head and see a GIGANTIC ANGEL TEARING A HOLE IN THE SKY!

Jessica:

"This place is so magical and fun!" says the girl who just got her ass handed to her.

Urvy:

I wonder what that Beefed-Up Discord wannabe means by “Arrangements”...

Jessica:

Bow-chicka-bow-wow.

Urvy:

”NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Jessica:

It finally hits the dumb broad -- "I done fuck up!"

Sean:

Yeah, just leave her to die and go to hell. It's okay, she was a heathen anyway.

Jessica:

That giant spider has the most boring job in all of Hell. It's almost as bad as those two other guys.

Urvy:

”Wha? It's only a dream?” Again, more movie refs, and I thought that Titanic comic Tim Todd did was chock filled with references.

Sean:

Oh come on, you're making the Latin from Asterix look like Cicero!

Urvy:

”Taste my Jedi push, you fugly scary hag!”

Jessica:

What did you do? You drug your feet the whole way, practically kicking and screaming. I'd say Minnie has to take some responsibility for her situation here.

Sean:

She told her parents about the suspicious note? Why the hell didn't they stop her? They might not believe in witchcraft and all that, but surely it must have occurred to them "Gee, this sounds like the kind of note a rapist or serial killer might write!"

Urvy:

I wonder if Tim Todd has any commentary on medical science here... To him, I guess medical science is no alternative to prayer or something...

I hate to say nice things about Tim Todd, but at the very least, he handles non-caucasians very well. Ari and his family are clearly not white, but they're depicted just like any other protagonist from his works. So bravo Tim, you're not as xenophobic as Jack Chick.

Jessica:

Still, that's pretty faint praise. "At least you aren't as much of a raging racist bastard as this other guy!"

I think the whole ethnicity of Ari and his family was solely so they could use the similar sounding name "Ari Potiphar" without having to explain why he's so lily white. Right thing for the wrong reason, I suspect.

Urvy:

Why is the TV on if a man in a coma can't hear or see what's happening? Where is the logic? I'm thinking I'm gonna have a Twilight Sparkle-esque meltdown here!

Sean:

Why are they getting away with this? She was right there when the police arrived, surely she would face some kind of jail time for drugging several teens and sending them into comas!

Urvy:

Now, he's quoting WWE wrestler R-Truth by stealing his intro to his entrance theme! But I'll be frank, it is originally found in The Bible, but the verse escapes me for the moment.

Jessica:

"Lying comes naturally to the devils, politicians and TV evangelists. Oops. Scratch that last one."

Urvy:

I guess this comic is gonna be end in a cliffhanger, I hate these cliffhanger endings!

Sean:

It's not really a cliffhanger, it's more of a bittersweet ending. Yeah, Ari managed to get out safe, but it was too late for Minnie. It's kinda sad, but that's the way life is sometimes. Kudos for not going for the Hollywood ending!

Urvy:

Oh, false alarm! For a minute there, I was gonna go into Flutterrage mode here!

Sean:

...You didn't have the balls did you Tim?

Jessica:

Eat your heart out Disney.

Urvy:

Yes! The end of this comic! We are free from the insanity!

Sean:

Why wasn't Dr. Verbosi's faith real? I'm pretty sure that realizing he was about to spend eternity in Hell would be enough to make a convert out of anyone.

Oh joy, more of Minnie's slang. She about as convincing of a teenager as Abe Vigoda.

Urvy:

Hmmm, that is a big list of things that wouldn’t happen in real life if kids saw the movies and read the books, however, he didn't include anything related to making Harry Potter fanfics. I wonder how those who are against this series think about those fanfics at deviantART and FanFiction.Net anyway...

Sean:

A few of these are real, but I notice that they neglected the proper context. Like the ritual of bringing an evil wizard back through shedding of blood? Well for one, Voldemort wasn't actually dead, and two that was kind of the point, it was meant to be an evil ritual for bringing back the main villain.

Urvy:

Yay, fake reviews! Pity, that flying pig deserved more scenes in this scare story of a comic.

Sean:

Could someone just shut Minnie up? It stopped being funny ages ago and now it's just irritating.

Conclusion

Urvy:

Well, I can give Tim Todd credit, unlike Jack Chick, he does follow what is popular in the media and manages to get the references right. Still, while parody is fun and all, this was down right insulting to fans of Harry Potter. And the overkill of movie-line ripoffs and copyright-violating fluff just kills whatever message about Harry Potter being the devil and such. If I wanted parody and spoofing done right, I would rather watch a David Zucker movie or pull out a copy of MAD Magazine. Still, it was fun dissecting this comic anyway. I wonder, which book series will Tim Todd target? Twilight? Hunger Games? Game of Thrones? (I better be quiet, don't want to give Tim Todd any ideas.)

It's an honor having me to join in on the fun! And it's a pleasure finding a scanned copy of this comic! Thanks, everypony! Now, off to Arkham City!

Sean:

I honestly did not enjoy this one as much as most of Todd's other works. Usually, these are of a "so bad it's good" level of quality. But this one tried to be funny, and all its attempts ended up falling flat on its ass. Oh, and as if that wasn't enough, he had the nerve to call this a "satire". No, "The Daily Show" is satire, this is just throwing out references and bad meta humor. And that's a shame, because this is the one where you want it to be hilariously bad. Sadly, this is what we got, take it for what it is.