Bert and Ernie Officially Deemed Asexual by Sesame Street Officials

Two famously close New York City men-puppets (“muppets”) of a certain fictional neighborhood that bears a striking resemblance to Fort Greene have officially been noted by their spokesperson to have never had sexual relations nor a specific sexual orientation, often speculated on given their widely public and historically intimate friendship. Yes: Sesame Street has actually released a statement noting—after a petition for the marraige of Bert & Ernie was widely circulated—that the two friends are not nor have they ever been gay. Dylan Stableford at The Cutline noted the statement on their Facebook page, which reads:

Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets™ do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.

Over at The Cutline, Mr. Stableford also notes the protest of certain Facebook commenters, who note The Count’s many girlfriends and the HIV-infected character on a South African version of Sesame Street. While a loss for gay marriage advocates, the news break is a victory for the silent asexual and androgynous contingent among us, who have yet to publicly rally against their persecution by those in the philosophically murky ground of expressing desire for Bert and Ernie to not only come out, but to be homosexuals in the first place.

Maybe with rising rents as they are, Sesame Street just isn’t the progressive neighborhood it once was. If they’re considering a move, Williamsburg has already proven a welcome home for New Yorkers of their particular stripe.