The last was written by Fylo T. Marnsworth way back in 1883. Fylo invented Smellyvision but went broke because no one would consider buying his recordings of Le Pétomane. In despair he took to pottery and made well over 200 misshapen jugs and jars before realizing he was actually meant for poetry, and the results of that are hardly less than well known. Fylo never married, but spent his life with his cats; when he died he left everything to them (did I mention he had inherited millions of rupees from an uncle with the East India Company?) but his will was broken by evil companions and his wealth dissipated in Denver's dissolute dives. Broken hearted, Fylo died of a heart attack in a charity ward for consumptive lepers in 1884 while visiting a friend. He is buried in Potter's Field at Wogharts in Blivetshire. As a side note, he possessed of both the Victoria Cross and the Medal of Honor, but both were taken from him and given to their rightful owners.

CNS: Hurricane Joaquin changed its track overnight and will make landfall three meters north of the US/Canadian border early Sunday or perhaps Monday morning. Winds in excess of 200kmh and rains in excess of a meter per hour are to be expected.

The Prime Minister announced at 9 o'clock a.m. Atlantic Time that "New Brunswick will have to take its chances, even though it's predicted to wash away. We don't have the budget to help those herring chokers and fight terrorism in Canada at the same time."

The Province of Quebec and the state of Maine are said to be looking forward to additional beachfront properties.

Although Idaho must worry about earthquakes, vulcanism, tornadoes, blizzards, drought, and a multitude of other things, we don't have to worry about hurricanes and tsunamis.

If a hurricane or tsunami affects Idaho we're all in a world of hurt and even moreso if it's a hurricane-driven tsunami or vice-versa. But soon enough, with the Cascadian Fault overdue to liquify the west coast from Yreka to Seattle and global warming raising the level of the Pacific, we may experience both any day now.

Raising a glass to honor/honour those who keep Mom's candle lit in more ways than one. Have fun in Missoula, Rap. Get the music going at the Getaway, Amos. Hum a hummersong, gnu. Declut the clutted, Acme. Arise and shine, Mom.

Many here are finding that Kabelaws has higher prices than the local guys. Kabelaws is about 2 km from me but I haven't been there yet. Bass Pro opens their new store this week so I might go to Kabelaws on the day that BP opens fer a gander.

I found a fleece jacket, without logo, for about USD 25.00. On sale, of course. And I don't pay for stuff with a logo unless it's nonprofit like a museum, or if I really, really want it (like my Moose Drool cap). If some company wants me to advertise for them as a walking billboard they can provide the stuff for free and pay me to wear it.

Pricey depends upon what you want/need. I needed a jacket and I probably could have found one a little cheaper somewhere else. But I figure that you get what you pay for.

Bass Pro shops is about the same prices as Cabelas.

I'm not saying that Missoula, Montana is outdoorsy, but there's also a Bob Ward's Sporting Goods, Sports Authority, God knows how many fishing tackle shops, I gave up counting the hunting stores, and a couple of mountaineering places. Also boating and kayaks and bicycles and hang gliders and I don't know what all. You can hardly move a block without breathing some sort of fresh,outdoorsy air!

Can I donate? I hate to think of your Council meeting in a privy. The smell must be terrible and if it's like a number of privies I know the door is going to fall off one of these days. Wasps and black widow spiders have been known to build their nests in privies and can give the users a nasty surprise. I've know a couple of guys who were relaxing in the privy with a Sears catalog when a six or eight legged critter took objection and injected their dangling bits with a load of something that caused an unwanted swelling and a trip to the hospital. Then a couple weeks later the skin started sloughing off and the parts were raw and tender as new skin started growing. This caused Bob (not his real name) a problem when his date started getting frisky one Saturday night; poor girl was traumatized when Bob screamed, leaped out of the car, and started running around holding his private parts (which is what she wanted to do); she entered a cloistered convent the next day and spent the rest of her life doing penance. Bob got to like pain and enlisted in the Marines. So if I can send, say, ten bucks, to help your council out just let me know. Even a room at the Hot Sheets Motel is usually better than meeting in a privy.

Done my duty today. Voted at Elections Canada. Pissed off that my sealed ballot then went in an envelope that I had to sign but, hopefully, it will be counted. It also pissed me off that the form I had to fill out required denoting my sex. It had two options... male or female. I wanted one that said "Please". The lass told me they have forms that include "Other" if anyone asks. How fucking odd... you gotta REQUEST one of those forms???? She actually reached over and Xed the "Male" box and said, "Last time you checked." I was very pissed off.

Agggghhhhh! Constantly! Emails from buyers in Kijiji that ask, "Is this still available?" Yes it is you dumb fuck! I don't post shit for sale that isn't for sale. Jesus H. Christ what is wrong with these morons?

BTW, what does the "H." stand for? I forgot to ask Dad before he died.

Back from a long bout of high-intensity heavy-duty round-the-clock malingering. I swan I dunnno how long I can keep this up!

What a grand trip it has been.

Kendall's book has a fine tale in it of a man who used a privy and it was a two holer--his friend was using the second one. When he stood up, all the loose change in his pocket slipped out of his jeans and fell into the hole. He couldn't reach it. But ya know how tight Mainers can be with a quarter5, so after a while he proceeded to disrobe down to the buck-naked state. Then he took a five dollar bill out of his wallet and threw it into the hole. His friend thought he'd gone crazy. "Well," he explained, "You don't think I'm going in there for pocket change, do ya?"

Is this the book by Kendall Morse, who lives in Maine and was in the Coast Guard and worked as a Game Warden and is married to Jacqui and plays and sings and tells stories and who once had a television show on Maine PBS and who wrote an earlier book called "Tales Told In The Kitchen"? That Kendall Morse?

MOM, I'm in after a lovely day of running around and eating good food and visiting with old friends. Better have the footbath ready for a bucket of hot water for when I get back home - my feet are going to need a soak!

Right! Mom has a bucket of ice cold spring water awaiting your poor, tired, burning feet and it's got that nice green scum on it. AND there's a tub of nice, warm, relaxing water that's only been used by gnu, Amos, Li'l Hawk, Ebbie, and a couple of guys who were passing by so it's still good.

Let me be the first to welcome you back! Everything's just as you left it, except for the bullet holes and the water damage where Amos forgot to turn off the third floor bath water and the scorch marks on the ceiling and the poison ivy that accidentally got rubbed into the carpet and the places where the dogs marked their territory after the cats did so and that place in the roof where the rocket with the satellite busted through and the basement where gnu's still blew up and the tire marks in the lawn from the ambulance and the medevac helicopter and where Ebbie carved her initials in that really old mahogany sideboard thing you like and the fridge and freezer stopped after the power was off for a week when it was so hot outside but we opened the doors so the odors could escape. Oh, did I mention the rats? The rats are all gone now and that's why there are bullet holes.