Letter from your Mama (to Xiao Baobei)

My dearest Xiao Baobei,

This is Mommy talking. Well, of course it is. Who else could it be? Grandma is out of town and I don’t even like to talk about your Uncle. But more of that later.

We’ve only known each other for 6 days but I hope that you know I’m falling in love with you more and more everyday. I’m amazed by the amount of love I could feel for someone so tiny in such a short time.

You know baby, it hasn’t been easy on me lately since I’ve just overcome a major depression that lasted for months. One of the contributing factors was your siblings being taken away from me. It’s a sad story. Again, more of that later.

Now, I’m going to tell you a little bit about your siblings. First there’s the kitty clan: auntie Binh Bong – born in the year of 2005, your jie jies Suzy Bear and Bon Bon (2013, 2014) – both were angels to raise. And then I got your kor kor Ozzy in 2017. All of them are (hopefully) with people who love them dearly and take very good care of them. Grandma was very upset with me so she let go of my most precious possessions at the time as a punishment I suppose. She gave up your auntie and jie jies. I felt so empty inside at the time I couldn’t bring myself to fight with her in order to keep them or even shed a tear but it sure left the biggest hole in my heart. It was so hard for me, having to fight the mental battle alone without my best friend and babies.

Ozzy was a very handsome little boy when I first brought him home, but I got to be honest with you… he wasn’t the brightest boy (in my opinion). He was very hard to house train and could be very noisy at times. Also, his biting problem was hard to tolerate although I gave him chew toys and teething bones to chew on. Also, later on I heard his Daddy telling me that he’s also a very picky eater. I don’t know, he ate a lot when he stayed with me. I would come home for lunch from work just to feed him. Being an Asian pet mom that I am, I don’t sugar coat things about my pet babies. Well, actually your kitty siblings could kill a thousand birds and I’d still say that they’re the sweetest babies ever. I tend to be more critical when it comes to dogs because I have to admit that I’m more of a cat person. Your kor was the most adorable, friendliest, most social baby boy I’ve ever met. He would follow just about anyone we happened to bump into when we went out for walks. I called him “the little bush boy” because he always ran into the bushes in the park where we used to go to. He was my first puppy so I was struggling and experimenting and failing. I do miss him although we only had a couple of months together because his Daddy and I parted way and he got to keep him. I don’t know why but the guys usually keep the fur babies after the breakup. There was a time I refused to look at Pomeranian puppies’ pictures no matter how cute they seemed to be because they just reminded me so much of your brother. I was the same with kitties’ pictures. I guess I just felt so hurt.

Baobei,

I’ve been trying to teach you to be an independent girl from day 1 and it seems like it doesn’t work that well… for me. I’m so proud that you’re doing so well learning how to play on your own, running around your little yard without me. I’ve read quite a bit on how to introduce a puppy to a new house, but I guess I just let my maternal instincts lead the way. You were whining a little bit on your first morning, but you got so much better since and it’s been only a week. I don’t ever want to be exhausted because of you so I didn’t let you sleep with me although it was so tempting and I died a little inside when I had to let you sleep on your own. But I know I did a right thing. Look how happy we both are when we see each other first thing in the morning when I bring you breakfast. I’ll make myself a cup of coffee and watch you eat. Then we’ll play, run around together and it’s my new favorite time of the day. I used to walk Ozzy every morning too, but it could get hard at times. But I’m glad I had him to come back to after a night spent wherever. I’m going to do the same with you, baby. Mama’s going to be there first thing in the morning and last in the night to kiss you good night.

I might not be able to buy you the most expensive organic kibbles or that fancy shampoo that I know you deserve but I’m going to try to get you the next best things for the rest of your life. The pet shop owners can convince and judge me all they want but you’re mine, and I’m going to do what’s best for you within my ability. I’m going to try to raise you as who you are, cheeky, warm, playful and considerate baby girl. I know that I’m going to continue loving you so much in the days to come, and it’s going to get harder and harder every night not hearing the sound of your collar’s little bell. Mama’s going to be strong for both of us, baby.

So I guess that’s about it. I just want to say that I love you so much and I thank you so much for the joys that you have brought me the day you came along in my sad, pathetic life. You make me genuinely smile everyday and seeing you being so well-behaved (and voluntarily used your pee pad) makes me so proud you have no idea.

Please be healthy and happy, ok. Thank you for loving me a little more than your food. What did I even do in my past life to deserve you?