]]>Last week, Madonna took a rough tumble down a flight of stairs at the Brit Awards. Because she’s the creamy, smooth Queen of Pop she got right back up and finished her matador-inspired performance of her newest single “Living for Love” from her upcoming album Rebel Heart, which is to be released on Tuesday after a shit show of leaks, bad demos, and an international investigation into those who would do her harm. I just hope Lady Gaga has beefed up security. Since thirty years have passed since Madonna first started making headlines, I thought it only right that this week I review Truth or Dare, the 1991 documentary of Madonna’s Blond Ambition Tour. Forgive me while I take the next few paragraphs to completely gay out.

Truth or Dare is not just a documentary. It’s a masterclass in how to be a fierce bitch who knows exactly what she wants, how to get it, and still be a vulnerable human being at the end of the day. Starring Madonna at one of the highest points in her career (on the heels of her success with “Vogue” and her costarring turn in Dick Tracy), Truth or Dare was the type of movie that gay kids from the burbs needed as a beacon to get through the doldrums of back-to-school nights, school dances they didn’t attend, and the meat-grinding hell of P.E.

In Truth or Dare, as she does still, Madonna inhabited a rarefied echelon of fame. Described in a 2008 Vanity Fair article, “The world is a series of rooms, which are arranged like concentric circles, or rooms within rooms, joined by courtyards and antechambers, and in the room at the center of all those rooms Madonna sits alone…” In Truth or Dare, Madonna’s room is filled with celebrities to be dismissed (Janet Jackson, Olivia Newton John, and Kevin Costner), celebrities to fawn over (Antonio Banderas) and celebrities you can tell she’s done fucking (Warren Beatty). The room is filled with gay dancers who worship her, fans who worship her more, and the staff who worship her just as much as their paychecks will let them. Also crowded into this room is her family, that complicated group of people she must keep in her life even though her father never truly gets her and she needs to ask her security guards to make sure her brother doesn’t get into too much trouble.

Ultimately having final say on what was and wasn’t depicted, Madonna showed a lot of restraint in how she was portrayed. She allowed herself to be seen first thing in the morning before her sleeping pill had worn off. We see her telling her dad that she can’t change her show because it would “compromise [her] artistic integrity” even though she’s wearing a shower cap. She allowed herself to be made a fool of, and for that we’re grateful. I mean, did anyone really think the scene where she blows an Evian bottle was sexy? She’s a goofball, shouting “…not!” after random aphorisms like the nineties nerd she was.

And through it all—in between the trips to the beach, shopping sprees at Chanel, and a poignant moment at her mother’s grave—is the music. While the off-stage footage is all in black and white, giving an importance and depth to the film, the pop classics at the heart of Madonna’s legacy are all filmed in beautiful color. While the gritty processes of her makeup routine, her dancers’ fights, and her awkward interactions with her stepmother are all given a serious tone with grey and black shades, the pure joy of songs like “Vogue,” “Express Yourself,” and the infamous “Like a Virgin,” are perfect capsules of music history.

When I was eighteen, I read an article in XY entitled “Why Gay Boys Love Madonna.” I didn’t need to read the article to know why. Gay boys love Madonna because she gets to do what we wish we all could: dance on stage in front of millions of adoring fans, fuck celebrities, and travel the world with a cavalcade of dancers who worship us. She showed us how to stand up for ourselves when she refused tone down the simulated masturbation in Like a Virgin when local authorities in Toronto threaten to arrest her. She showed us how to vogue, how to laugh, and how to cry. And when the first notes of “Holiday” come swirling through the screen, and what was black and white turns to color, and you see her spinning in a euphoric state of being, you just know that if we took a holiday, everything really would be okay.

]]>I miss the old Guy Ritchie. The one that made our noses bleed with double-crossing ensemble films like Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, and RocknRolla. The end of RocknRolla promised us a sequel, but it looks like we’l be waiting a minute as he burns though Treasure Island and probably the odd Sherlock Holmes sequel in the interim.

Warner Bros. likes the magic he spun with the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle series, so now they’ve signed him up to do more of the same (presumably) with Robert Louis Stevenson’s tropical saga. Maybe after that he’ll get back to those uniquely told caper films?

Eh. Not so fast.

His name has also been bandied about in conjunction with a Cannonball Run remake, which sounds slightly better than Treasure Island, but still not as good as anything he did before that, not counting Swept Away, which shouldn’t be counted towards anything.

Robert Dewey Hoskins, who served a 10-year prison sentence for stalking Madonna and who may or may not have been the inspiration for the youngest child on Malcolm in the Middle, has escaped from the Metropolitan State Hospital near Los Angeles. By escaped, I mean he just walked away. Bang-up job, Metropolitan State Hospital.

Authorities say Hoskins is “highly psychotic when not taking his medication and has very violent tendencies.” How “violent” and “psychotic” are we talking? Well, he once threatened to cut Madonna “from ear to ear” if she didn’t marry him. Yikes! You’d have to be crazy to want to marry Madonna!

Whatever wacky hijinx Hoskins has in store, he’d better get a move on. The Material Girl (god I hate calling her that) is set to embark on a world tour in the next few months, and I’d hate for him to miss out on the opportunity to get annihilated by her security team because she’s out of the country.

]]>Though they were successful in preventing Cee Lo from popping out one of his luscious titties during the Super Bowl Halftime Show, the NBC censors couldn’t prevent M.I.A.’s knuckle malfunction. As such, the network has apologized for the singer’s flipping off home audiences during her cameo in Madonna‘s performance. It’s unclear whether she was flipping off the censors for bleeping out the curses from her verse, or the wardrobe department for dressing her likeKing Tut.

NBC has stated that her actions were “completely inappropriate and very disappointing.” Which is the same way I feel about Madonna’s performance.

]]>The completely infallible New York Daily Newsgossip section claims to have overheard from one of Madonna’s dancers that she is planning on “bringing gay to the Super Bowl.” Considering there hasn’t really been an exciting Super Bowl halftime show since Sir Paul McCartney beat his ex-wife Heather Mills with her own prosthetic leg (may have just been a dream I had), I am completely on board with Madonna doing anything she can think of to break up the monotony of familiar medleys and fireworks.

The question is, how does one “gay up” the Super Bowl? You can’t very well have men or women penetrating each other on stage, so you need to take a less obvious path to gayness. Fortunately, I’ve been tasked with suggesting a few very subtle ways to homosexualize the Super Bowl. Pay close attention to subtext and symbolism here, because, like I said, these are very subtle.

19. Start off her Super Bowl set with, “If your erection lasts longer than four hours…GET UP AND DANCE!”

18. Force Clay Aiken to kick all the extra points

17. Madonna and the NFL Present: A Salute to Drunken, Three-Hour Brunches

16. Sodomize Criss Angel: Mindfreak with a searing-hot Lombardi Trophy that has been resting over burning coals

15. Don a #8 jersey, with the last name “Proposition” stitched on it, then have Justin Tuck tackle her midway through her performance, making a powerful statement about gay marriage

14. Get Carson Kressley to dress Bill Belichick and Tom Coughlin in the same outfit, then at halftime, have the fans in attendance decide “Who Wore It Best?”

12. Pay tribute to the unsung, non-Chicago bears that keep magazines like American Grizzly afloat

11. Do a cover of “It’s Raining Men” while every player in the NFL over the past 20 years parachutes out of a C-130 cargo plane into the stadium (Note: This is only effective if the top of the stadium is open)

10. Do her usual set, just from the inside of a Mini Cooper

9. I dunno…do something with like, a gay Jesus or something?

8. Perform a bunch of Coldplay songs

7. Flash her wrinkly old vagina to the camera, turning an entire nation gay. Except for the women. They’d be straighter than ever.

]]>If you have seen any entertainment news at all in the past day and a half, then you know that Demi Moore was just treated for “exhaustion,” a dire condition suffered by rich assholes who have forgotten what stress was like, and now lose their shit when they encounter some. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh; it’s entirely possible that they are simply covering up something embarrassing/illegal with the exhaustion, which is basically the philosophy degree of medical ailments. For instance, Demi probably bent her penis grudge-f*cking Ashton’s replacement, and Tracy Morgan‘s body probably rejected the clean mountain air of Park City, Utah, what with its lack of inhalants and ozone-depleting levels of vaporous Mormonism.

Most people feel tired after a busy day, but bona fide medically diagnosed exhaustion is something else entirely. Exhaustion may also be described as fatigue, languidness, lassitude, listlessness, lethargy and languor. Fatigue or exhaustion symptoms are reported by the patient as opposed to being something that is observed by others, which would be a sign instead of a symptom.

Okay, so now I’m more confused than I was, although likely the person writing that was suffering from being retarded.

Demi and Tracy are just the latest to come down with exhaustion. There is a veritable army of celebrities who have checked themselves in to hospitals because life was too tough at the top of a pile of money.

Mariah Carey

Back in 2001, Mariah Carey checked into a hospital because she was tired. I’m sorry, “extreme exhaustion,” which is probably exhaustion dyed bright green, base jumping. She did it again in 2002, and her PR people assured the world that it was because she was overworked, and totally not because she was having psychological problems, which, of course, means she was likely losing her shit. Her PR people apparently come from the school of thought where they think the best way to divert attention from something is to call attention to it. If she had publicly crapped her pants, they would have said she changed her pants due to exhaustion, not because she shat herself on stage.

Selena Gomez

As bad as I would love to rip on her, I will take it easy on Ms. Gomez. First off, she’s just a kid (what is she? 15?), and I do buy that a barely-legal girl who has spent the last several years in front of a camera might actually be malnourished. It’s not like mom set her up to make the best decisions, seeing as how her mom stuck her with freaking Barney when she was 10. That type of thing leads to all kinds of “different” behavior, like dating other girls. Kudos to her mom for being open minded, though. I’m sure Justin will one day make Selena a great wife. Just get the kid a damn cheeseburger.

]]>Bad Teacheris coming out on DVD this Tuesday (October 18th). What better way to observe this momentous occasion than to run down some other Hollywood bad girls? As bad as Cameron Diaz is in Bad Teacher, she can’t compete with the real deal. Take a look at Hollywood’s 10 best bad girls.

Enter your birthday below to see an exclusive clip from Bad Teacher.

Winona Ryder

Many Hollywood bad girls get involved in garden variety pursuits like drug or alcohol abuse. But Winona Ryder did something that, in its own way, is even worse: shoplifting! When a millionaire movie star is stealing clothes just for the thrill of the crime, you know she’s stolen a seat at the Hollywood Bad Girl Hall of Fame.

Madonna

Unlike many bad girls in Hollywood, Madonna is a shrewd professional in all aspects of her career. Rather than going out of her mind, partying, stealing boyfriends, etc., she pretends to do all of those things, and more, as part of her public persona. But have you ever seen her do “Like A Virgin”? If she’s not a Hollywood bad girl, than nobody is.

Lindsay Lohan

One of the definitive Hollywood bad girls, Lindsay Lohan took the enormous promise she showed as a young child actress and squandered it on sex, drugs, and alcohol. Ain’t that always how it goes? She may be in line for a comeback, though, so don’t rule her out just yet. If her adult performance in Robert Altman’s A Prairie Home Companion is any indication, she still has talent to spare.

]]>http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/hollywood%e2%80%99s-top-10-best-bad-girls/feed/0winona-ryder1Madonna-Like-A-Prayerlindsay-lohan-bikiniIn Honor of Carrie Fisher’s Weight Loss: Proof That God Loves Actors and Hates Actresseshttp://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/proof-that-god-loves-actors-and-hates-actresses/
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/proof-that-god-loves-actors-and-hates-actresses/#commentsWed, 24 Aug 2011 20:34:43 +0000http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=14148The proof is all around us, if we know where to look. I looked in the tabloids, and found all the proof I needed.

]]>Earlier this year, Carrie Fisher inspired me to write a horribly sexist post about actresses who have aged less than gracefully. Judging by her recent weight loss, I’m guessing my article inspired her to go on a diet. What else would explain her total transformation (she lost 50 lbs. on Jenny Craig)? At any rate, I’m happy my poorly written drivel was able to help. And in case you missed it the first time around, here’s the article that started it all. Congrats to Carrie Fisher…

At any rate, god hates actresses and loves actors. The proof is all around us, if we know where to look. I looked in the tabloids, and found all the proof I needed. Here are seven examples of famous on-screen couples. In almost every case, the actor involved looks older, but more distinguished, while time has ravaged the once ridiculously hot leading lady. I know it’s not fair, but I didn’t make the rules. You got a problem, talk to the big man upstairs. Until then, take a look and see for yourself.

Tom Cruise and Kelly Mcgillis – Top Gun
In all fairness to Kelly, she was older than Tom when they filmed Top Gun. Also, she’s now openly gay, so she doesn’t have a lot of incentive to conform to my jaded standards of feminine beauty. But Cruise still looks like he could be her son (provided she had him when she was 13). Maybe there’s something to this whole Scientology thing after all. Oh wait, there is: money!

Warren Beatty and Madonna – Dick Tracy
It’s been over 20 years since Dick Tracy revolutionized the way people are disappointed by comic adaptations. How has time treated the stars of the film? Warren Beatty still looks like Warren Beatty. Madonna looks like Skeletor with Chlamydia. Keep working that sexy angle, Madge.

Ted Danson and Kristie Alley – “Cheers“Ted Danson looks older, but he carries it well. Hell, I’d still bang him…if I was gay…or if the price was right. But Kristie, on the other hand, isn’t looking so hot. If your attempt at a reality-show has the word “fat” in the title, it’s time to hit the gym.

Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan – Innerspace
Here’s an old pic of Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan looking less than thrilled. But here’s a more recent picture of the couple looking happier than ever. Is it just me, or does Meg look great. Oh wait, that’s not Meg at all. She cheated on him with Russell Crowe, so Quaid dumped her for someone half her age.

Here’s a recent picture of Meg looking sexy. Still got it.

Rob Reiner and Sally Struthers – “All in the Family”
This is a tough one. Rob and Sally both got fat. But Sally got fat while devoting her time to charity, and Rob got fat while making crappy films and passing laws that make it illegal for me to smoke in a bar. Up yours, Rob. Sally wins!

Jessica Simpson and Johnny Knoxville – The Dukes of Hazzard
In most cases, time’s assault is gradual, and a woman’s beauty slips away over decades. But sometimes, if a woman eats enough McGriddles, it happens almost overnight. That’s what happened to Jessica Simpson. As for Johnny Knoxville, he still looks like the same jackass.

Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher – Star Wars
This list idea was born when I watched Carrie Fisher’s HBO special, “Wishful Drinking.” As Fisher herself points out, it’s not really fair that the image of her younger self wearing a golden bikini is tattooed into the minds of most men under the age of 40. It’s also not fair that Harrison Ford looks relatively the same, except the creepy scarf and earring make him look like a gay-80’s pop singer. But tough titty. That’s life. If Fisher was a normal woman on the street, I wouldn’t think anything of it. But she’s not. She’s Princess Leia, or at least she was. To quote Holy Taco, now she looks like “Salvador Dali’s take on Sally Jesse Raphael.”

This article was originally posted on January 4th, 2011. It was modified on August 24th, 2011.

]]>When I first read the news that David Letterman was being targeted by Islamic Jihadists, I thought I must have been reading the satirical website, CelebJihad (NSFW). But sadly, the story was all too real. Apparently, the late-night talk-show host angered an Al-Qaeda affiliated website by mocking the death of reputed terrorist Ilyas Kashmiri. Granted, an “online jihadist” calling for Dave’s death probably means about as much as me calling for Scarlett Johansson to do a topless scene, but experts are still worried. And while Letterman himself is probably worried as well, at least he can take solace in the fact that he is in good company. Here are five other celebrities who have been targeted by Islamic extremists.

Russell Crowe

According to the FBI, Russell Crowe was the victim of a 2001 kidnapping plot by Al-Qaeda, which was part of a larger plan to “culturally destabilize” the United States. I’m not sure how kidnapping a bunch of actors, especially those from New Zealand, would damage the U.S., but I will say I like the plan a lot better than the one they went with: hijacking planes and flying them into buildings. For a while, Crowe received protection from Secret Service agents, although they were tight lipped about the exact nature of the threat. According to an interview with GQ, Crowe says he “never fully understood what in the f*ck was going on.”

Madonna

If there’s one thing Islamic extremists hate, it’s promiscuous women. And if there’s one thing Madonna loves, it’s being a promiscuous woman. Throw in her midlife conversion to a bizarre Jewish sect known as Kabbalah, and it was only a matter of time before trouble reared its ugly head. In 2009, the singer was forced to add on extra security after a Palestinian militant group threatened to cut off her head because she spreads “satanic culture against Islam.” In all fairness, I wanted to cut her head off after that American Pie cover, but I wasn’t stupid enough to say it in a public forum.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone

As their new Broadway Musical The Book of Mormon clearly demonstrates, Trey Parker and Matt Stone are no strangers to ridiculing religion. But outside of the occasional protest or boycott, the pair never ran into any real trouble, at least not until they picked on Islam. After an episode of South Park in which the Prophet Muhammad was thought to have been depicted wearing a bear suit, an American convert to Islam named Abu Talhah al Amrikee (a.k.a. Zachar Chesser) issued a warning stating that Stone and Parker “will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh.” Luckily, Chesser is currently serving 25 to life, in part, for making threats to Stone and Parker. Speaking of Theo Van Gogh…

Theo van Gogh

Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh was related to the famous artist, Vincent van Gogh. And while Vincent is famous for having his ear cut off, poor Theo is famous for having his head cut off. After angering Islamic extremists with his film Submission, van Gogh received several death threats, but refused to take on extra security measures. Bad move. In 2004, a lovely young man named Mohammed Bouyeri shot van Gogh several times, before attempting to cut off his head with a knife. The killer was later linked to an Islamic Extremist group known as the Hofstad Network.

]]>http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/5-celebrities-who-were-targeted-by-islamic-extremists-besides-david-letterman/feed/0russell-crowe2madonnaalbumtrey-parker-matt-stonetheo_van_goghChet Hanks and the Most Embarrassing Children In Hollywoodhttp://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/chet-hanks-and-the-most-embarrassing-children-in-hollywood/
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/chet-hanks-and-the-most-embarrassing-children-in-hollywood/#commentsThu, 13 Jan 2011 18:52:12 +0000http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=15994Clearly, Chet is embarrassing the living hell out of his old man, but he’s new on the scene. If he hopes to be the most embarrassing child in Hollywood, he’s got some stiff competition.

As we reported yesterday, Tom Hanks has a son (besides Colin), and he likes to rap. Meet Chet Hanks (a.k.a. Chet Haze), the most embarrassing thing to happen to Tom since That Thing You Do.

From an early age, it was clear that Chet was a black sheep, so his parents sent him far, far away to an exclusive private school in the Midwest. But the Internet has rendered distance and location meaningless, and it’s nearly impossible to prevent even the dullest of bulbs from shining their untalented light on the world (for example, look around this site). Yesterday, it was Chet’s turn to shine, when his college-themed rap single, “White and Purple,” blew up the Internet.

Being a man of action (a douchey tattoo on his right arm reads, “fortune favors the bold”), Chet quickly sought to cash in on the attention, and tweeted out a second song, “West Side L.A.,” the lyrics of which clearly demonstrate his ability to read a map. I haven’t been this impressed since I discovered a little band called the Imperial Stars.

Clearly, Chet is embarrassing the living hell out of his old man, but he’s new on the scene. If he hopes to be the most embarrassing child in Hollywood, he’s got some stiff competition. Here are 7 contenders for the title (including Chet).

Chet Hanks – Son of Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson

Just to recap, this kid raps (and by ‘raps,” I mean “talks” over remixes and samples) about going to a private school and living on the mean streets of West L.A. (West Hollywood, I assume). He has a Latin tattoo on his arm. And last night, he tweeted the following: “much love to both the fans and the haters for helping me pop off.” That’s right; Chet Hanks thinks of all the haters while he masturbates. Well played, ass hat. You’re making your brother Colin look legitimate.

Captain Miller deserves better than this.

Melissa Rivers – Daughter of Joan Rivers

It’s not as if Joan Rivers‘ career is flying high. Yeah, she makes the rounds on reality TV, but who doesn’t? I’ve been on “Tool Academy” twice.

Her daughter Melissa turns up on a lot of reality shows, as well. Unfortunately, she’s usually accompanied by her mother. If the only way for someone to get on “Celebrity Apprentice” is to bring their decrepit mother along, that’s got to be embarrassing for the parent.

Cameron Douglas – Son of Michael Douglas

It’s not uncommon for the children of celebrities to end up on drugs. After all, they don’t call it a life of privilege because they’re out digging ditches. Having millions of dollars at your disposal just lends itself to getting coked up. But even a rich, coked up jackass should have enough sense to know that when you already have millions of dollars at your disposal, there’s really no need to deal. Poor people deal drugs and risk going to jail so they can get rich. If you’re already rich, it’s all downside. I guess Cameron Douglas didn’t get the memo.

Last spring, Cameron was sentenced to five-years for dealing large amounts of coke and meth. Even his father couldn’t argue with the sentence, calling it “adequate,” and adding that it may have saved his drug-addicted son’s life. So while watching his son get sent to the pokey was certainly an embarrassment, maybe it’s all for the best (prison rape, notwithstanding).

Jake Busey – Son of Gary Busey

Jake Busey must be a major disappointment to his father, Gary. It’s not because of anything Jake has done. Rather, it’s what he hasn’t done, which is go completely batshit insane. A father always wants his son to follow in his footsteps, and I’m sure Gary is let down by the fact that Jake isn’t out their spouting Busey-isms (“Freedom: Facing Real Exciting Energy Developing Out of Miracles”) or playing evil organ-harvesting Jew doctors. Try harder, Jake.

Kim Kardashian – Daughter of Robert Kardashian

This is more of an honorable mention, since the parent in question is deceased. Even so, wherever Robert Kardashian resides these days (I have a general idea where that is), I hope he’s able to see his daughters.

For those of you who don’t remember, Robert Kardashian was a high-profile lawyer who helped his close friend O.J. Simpson get off the hook for killing two people. Unfortunately, he passed away in 2003, four years before a video of his daughter Kim getting railed by a low-life rapper named Ray-J was released to the public. It’s a shame he wasn’t around to see that. I’m sure he would have been proud.

I would have mentioned his wife Kris on this list, but she is clearly incapable of feeling shame or embarrassment.

David Banda Mwale Ciccone Ritchie – Son of Madonna

When Madonna adopted an African baby, it catapulted her right back into the spotlight. Take that, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie!

But now, five years later, he’s not an African baby any more. He’s just a black kid, and that’s not enough to get you on the cover of People. Madonna better hope this kid turns out to be gay real soon, or else this whole adoption was a huge waste of time. How embarrassing.

Montana Fishburne – Daughter of Laurence Fishburne

When all is said and done, Montana Fishburne is probably the most embarrassing entry on this list. Last year, Montana (a.k.a. by her stage name, Chippie D.) embarrassed the living shit out of her father, actor Laurence Fishburne, by appearing in a sex vid.

Celebrity sex vids are nothing new, but they usually come to light after being stolen (or in some cases, intentionally leaked). This gives the celebrity the opportunity to feign outrage and act like a victim, while at the same time demanding a cut of the profits. What makes Montana’s video unique is the fact that it was not stolen or leaked, but rather produced. In an attempt to kick-start her career, she decided to cut out the middle man and go straight to the source: Vivid Video. At the age of 18, Montana became a full-fledged pornographer. Throw in a previous arrest for prostitution, and it’s easy to see why her father wishes he could take the red pill…or maybe just a whole bottle of sleeping pills.

Fun fact: Montana Fishburne credits Kim Kardashian with inspiring her to become a prostitute. Of course she does.

]]>http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/chet-hanks-and-the-most-embarrassing-children-in-hollywood/feed/5chet-hankschet-hanks-2Dan MacMedancameron-michael-douglasgary-busey-and-sonkimandrobertkardashianmadonna-adoptionlaurence-fisburne-montana-fishburneMadonna Gets to Direct ‘W.E.’http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/madonna-gets-to-direct-w-e/
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/madonna-gets-to-direct-w-e/#commentsWed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000Total nag-hag.I've got a bit of good news for those of you who hate your eyeballs. Soon you'll be able to point them at a new film directed by crazy momenteer Madonna. The movie, titled W.E., will be the diva/box office poisoner's second directorial gig and of course it's about British people. It tells the true story of the love affair between King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson that led to the British royal abdicating from the throne to marry his divorcee lover. Midget-prostitute-battler and Oscar nominee Vera Farmiga is said to be interested to star.Madonna helming a lavish, period piece sounds like a recipe for disaster. Just like these mustard pancakes I just made. I didn't add nearly enough Clamato. (Variety)

I’ve got a bit of good news for those of you who hate your eyeballs. Soon you’ll be able to point them at a new film directed by crazy momenteer Madonna. The movie, titled W.E., will be the diva/box office poisoner’s second directorial gig and of course it’s about British people. It tells the true story of the love affair between King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson that led to the British royal abdicating from the throne to marry his divorcee lover. Midget-prostitute-battler and Oscar nomineeVera Farmiga is said to be interested to star.

Madonna helming a lavish, period piece sounds like a recipe for disaster. Just like these mustard pancakes I just made. I didn’t add nearly enough Clamato. (Variety)