My intense 2-year-old is nothing like his easygoing sister. How do I help them get along?

If you have brothers or sisters yourself, you know that even children who have the same parents can be polar opposites. To promote sibling harmony, don't expect one child to be like the other. Instead, take the time to get to know each of your children as an individual, and take pains to appreciate and understand what makes him or her unique. Once you do that, you can tailor your approach to discipline and childrearing to suit their personalities.

If your extroverted child is badgering his more reticent sibling and she winds up pushing him away, for instance, tell her, "You need to find some space and quiet right now." Then say to her brother, "Let's find something interesting for you to do. I think you're picking on your sister because you're bored." Whatever the circumstance, you'll need to help translate for your children what the other one needs; in time, they'll grow to understand each other.

In the meantime, resist the urge to jump in and referee when a minor skirmish arises. Instead, give them a chance to work out the dispute on their own. If you must intervene, teach them how to problem-solve so they don't always need you to play judge and jury. If they're fighting over a particular toy, say, "Let's think of some other ways to resolve this." Then ask each child to come up with a couple of possible solutions. Perhaps your daughter could offer her little brother a different toy, for instance, or he could have the coveted item for five minutes and then turn it over to her. Remember that what you're trying to impart are negotiating skills, not surefire solutions. Also keep in mind that using specific language is important, especially for toddlers. So don't just tell your son to stop bugging his sister — be specific. Say, "It's not okay to bite or tackle to grab a toy. Tell your sister 'It's my turn, please.'" If fights often erupt over sharing (or lack thereof) — of books, playthings, or your attention — scale back your expectations. It takes toddlers time to learn how to share, so these squabbles may be something you'll have to live with for a while. (For more on sharing conflicts, click here.)

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