One Christmas, one New Year, one birthday, a new job, and a new baby. My how much can change in a year.​About a year ago today I was writing about the fires of transformation, talking about how I was trying to transform my life, and delve into my inner depths to try to unearth who I want to be and discover who I was meant to be. I still haven’t reached my finish line; indeed, I don’t think you ever can. We are meant to be constantly evolving and changing as individuals, but always for the better. Passions change, life stations change, and so we must too change with them.

As my life has changed, blogging fell by the wayside. It was getting harder and harder to find the motivation—and time—to write when I was working full time and pregnant. Needless to say, once Baby T arrived, there wasn’t even enough time for daily showers and going to the bathroom, let alone writing at all. Much like my garden outside, Ainsley and Arrow is now seeded with weeds and wilting in the summer heat. The pages aren’t blooming with new posts, and the colors are less vibrant.​The brilliant thing about nature—and creativity—is that it can always be brought back to life. It never completely goes away. Planting new seeds, adding water, and giving a garden time is all it takes to blossom anew.

For me, giving birth has given way to another birth: a spiritual one. Suddenly, my priorities have changed, my eyes opened, my heart filled, and a new personal life has taken its’ first breath. Following my passions and transforming into who I was meant to be has never been so pertinent. The need to light my own fire to become a self-reliant woman and mother has never burned brighter. Sometimes, starting over isn’t because something has died and we have failed, but because something new needed to be born and our direction changed. The power of starting over is that we get to start again, this time making something new.

As with all new change, it is scary. I confess that I have been anxious and nervous about coming back to blogging and making a business plan, not because I haven’t done it before, but because I left it for so long I had forgotten what it was to be inspired and motivated to chase my dreams. As I (uncomfortabley) write, I feel a new calmness in my soul and envision a different future for myself. Not one that requires me to leave my beautiful new baby for 8 hours a day, but one that lets me be the mother I want to be while also being the independent woman I want to be.

It feels good.

Not all gardens are successful. Some plants die while others thrive, and that’s okay. It is all in the process of planting the seeds and seeing what blooms. In truth, it is more about becoming the gardener than growing the flowers. I plan to get my hands dirty, starting today. It has never felt so rewarding.

Happy Saturday everyone! I hope you are doing something fun this weekend.

Today I am very pleased to share an uber-cute maternity dress provided by Pink Blush Maternity. My experience so far is that it has been tough to find cute and flattering maternity dresses. This little blue lace number is fashionable and, most importantly, comfortable. It stretches to fit any stage of pregnancy. When it arrived it sure didn't look like it would fit, but true to their word my 8-month belly fit in it just fine. I have another Pink Blush Maternity dress and absolutely love it. I've gotten more compliments in their dresses than any other. The clothing truly fits a pregnant body beautifully!

Non-pregnant fashionistas: don't despair. Their Pink Blush website also features adorable women's dresses, ranging from every day to dress, maxi to thigh-high.

Don't take my word for it (but do!) and take a look! Click any image to shop.

Head over to Instagram for a chance to win a $75 Pink Blush Maternity shopping spree! Simply follow me at ainsleyandarrow, tag as many friends as you want, and be entered to win!

(If you've won a contest with Pink Blush in the past three months you will not be eligible to win.)

I am officially 30 weeks pregnant and am all the combinations of overwhelmed, anxious, excited, joyful, and terrified. I am about to enter one of the most exciting and joyful journeys of my life thus far. It is also a huge change. We will be family of three now, not two. We won’t be free to just get up and go as easily (but I guess we weren’t really anyway since we are dog parents, right?). There have been so many things to think about, that thinking about yourself kind of gets lost in the paint colors, bottle brand options, and birthing classes. One of the things I have deciphered as part of my anxiety is struggling with being able to recognize and conform to my new identity.

Everyone tells you “Your life is about to change so dramatically” and I get that, I didn’t think that it wouldn’t. Everyone also says that you won’t be you anymore, you’ll be mom, you won’t want to do all the things you used to enjoy, and you won’t have time to do them anyway. This is the part I am struggling with. Do you have to give up who you were just because you have a baby? I would tend to disagree. I in no way doubt that you are about to lose whatever free time that you had for a while, and that your priorities will change. This can happen in any major life change (which is why it is good to be flexible and be adaptable). However I don’t anticipate that I will lose interest in the things I like to do. I would expect that I would still want to celebrate Halloween with costumes and extravagance. That I would still like to go out dancing. That I would still like to take tropical vacations. I bristle a bit at the insinuation that I will suddenly stop caring about these things and more simply because there is another little body in our house.

I agree that there will be new things that I love doing, too, and I’m sure most of them will be centered around the new little joy in our lives. I also recognize that I will need to add “mom” to the descriptive list of woman, spirited individual, wife, dog mom, artist, scholar, etc. But I also think women get into trouble when they throw themselves into motherhood and don’t leave anytime for themselves. From my experience, when I throw myself into anything and neglect self-care it takes a physical and emotional toll. I soon may not have the flexibility to take care of myself the way I used to, but I also don’t agree with the fact that you just can’t anymore. Making a little “me time” is important in any aspect of your life. It’s important in relationships, when you’re in school, when climbing the corporate ladder, or dealing with heavy family issues. The best part of you is you, and it is important that this identity remains throughout.

I can hear some of you moms right now. “ARE YOU KIDDING,” you are saying, “Just wait till you’re a mom and see how much time you have for yourself.”

I hear you. I’m listening. I’m not going into this new journey blindly optimistic. I am anticipating the tiredness, the selfless giving, and that time will fly by before I know what is happening. I have heard stories. All I can tell you is that this mom-to-be is going to try her best to keep all of these things in mind, and attempt to find some kind of balance between self-husband-baby. There are going to be three of us soon, and I couldn’t be happier. I look forward to evolving into my new identity, a complex being of many roles, but still being the best woman that I can possibly be.

Hi Arrow readers! I've missed you. I dove headfirst into pregnancy and house projects. Needless to say, I am overwhelmed and things have gotten a little bit out of control. In my final months of pregnancy, I have been trying to refocus my goals and priorities and put my new life in order. One of the things that has been missing is blogging. I miss it! One of my goals is to try to be better and post more frequently. I appreciate your support and logging on in my absence; the readers have really kept things going. So thank you!

Today is a dreary Friday, it's raining (again). I have been traveling a lot for work, and my mind is in a state of chaos. One of the best ways I find to get organized is to make lists. I love lists. I would have lists of lists-- if I ever let myself get that crazy and carried away. One of the current lists is baby things to buy...and there is A LOT of stuff that they recommend you need to be a mom these days. Of course you don't need it, but it is easy to feel like you aren't prepared and on top of it without the things on all of these lists.

Fortunately, the fun thing to shop for is a diaper bag. My husband asked me "Aren't you going to get a boy-looking bag since we are having a boy?" HELL NO. I'd rather have a pink and glittery bag, defiant of child's gender. More so because, even though it may tote butt paste and diapers, a new purse should be one of self-expression and something you really love. I even refused to buy something neutral enough that my husband and I can share. I anticipate there being a lot of boy-ish things in my future-- i.e. legos and Star Wars-- so fashion is one place I can still be me. If you're in the market for a new diaper bag (or maybe even your first!) then this is the place for you. To be quite frank, you could still rock these bags even if you aren't a mom; I think these bags look stylish enough to tote work files, knitting, or a weekend's worth of getaway clothes!

*This post may contain affiliate links.

Okay so I know that this is Friday's FIVE favorite things...not 6... but I'm throwing you a bone-us here (ha!). I could hardly choose just 5, so you get one free-- kind of.

1. Summer-y neutral palate

A stylish design to be sure, this bag features a light gray and white design while still be functional enough to resist spit up and apple juice. Perfect for the designer mom on the go.

I couldn't resist this unique twist on polka dots! Artsy, stylish, and practical, this bag screams multi-functional. Can be used as a diaper bag or tote. The transitional features of this bag make it worth the splurge.

Baggu Diaper Bag

5. Add some blue to your hue

Every outfit needs some color, and this medium-tone blue is versatile enough to pair with whatever you are wearing. All the pockets make it a mom's best friend.

Tory Burch 'Thea' Messenger Leather & Nylon Baby Bag

6. Geometric bag with lots of storage

As any mom will tell you, babies and kids require a lot of stuff. This beautiful marriage of tribal meets geometric print will leave you saying "I do." Plenty of room for whatever your kid needs.

Uncomfortable questions pregnant women get asked frequently... and we wish you wouldn't.

Pregnancy is full of changes. Obviously, right? I knew myself that things would change and be different, but I wasn’t really ready for the magnitude of changes that I would be going through. It’s a whole new experience and something you can never prepare for once your body starts changing, inside and out, and is doing things it has never done before. For me, it’s actually quite unnerving. It’s exciting to be creating a life, but it is scary to say goodbye to the body I knew and experiencing rapid changes as a little being is growing in there. Going into pregnancy imagining the movie Alien didn’t help either I’m sure. I had lost a lot of weight previously, and am not even close to being back where I was, but the entire shape of my body is changing and things that would fit when I was at my heaviest doesn’t fit anymore. It’s hard to be confident sometimes when your hips are wide, feet are swollen, and skin is in crazy mode. I’m sure the hormones have a large impact on self-esteem and moods, too!

I am very lucky to have an extremely supportive husband, family, and friend circle. I feel even more supported by women now that I am pregnant than I had before. Pregnancy brings a new community around you that you never had before, and is almost like being initiated into a sisterhood. It’s a beautiful experience. With that being said, there are also those who, I’ve experienced, don’t really have a filter when asking pregnant people questions. Even more surprisingly are the ones that have been through pregnancy and still ask silly questions. They may not mean any harm, but it isn’t any less hurtful or detrimental to a pregnant women’s state of mind. Here are the worst questions I’ve been asked so far, and here’s why:

“You’re in your second trimester, shouldn’t you have more energy/not feel sick/not be tired/etc?”

Oh, you’re right. I don’t actually know how I’m feeling, but the books and websites do. Okay, being a little snarky, but it’s very difficult in any situation when people assume they know how you should be feeling instead of understanding how you actually feel. Yes, the second trimester is a lot better for many women. Yes, I do feel better overall than the first trimester. However, growing a human takes a lot of resources, and everyone responds to pregnancy differently. For me, I am tired very often, it’s hard for me to exercise at anywhere near what I was used to doing, and I still don’t feel well first thing in the morning. And that’s okay. It is important for pregnant women to set their own boundaries and limitations, and is equally important for partners, friends, and family to accept it and be just as supportive. Instead of asking the question in the former way, why not just say “How are you feeling these days?” or “Tell me about that experience.” I am always touched when someone asks how I am doing, and actually means it.

"Wow you look so big. You’re only [X] months?”

Does any woman, pregnant or not, like being told that they look big? Nope. No one I know would appreciate any comment like that. Pregnant women are no exception. It’s a delicate time for them, with their bodies growing-- exponentially at the end—and even though a big belly might mean a healthy baby, many women are still uncomfortable about themselves. Every single woman carries a child differently, and a lot of factors go into that: height, starting weight, bone structure, weight gain, diet, genetics, etc. The person might have meant something else, but all the woman hears is “You look large.” Ouch. Instead, try to just give a compliment, or saying “I love seeing that baby belly!” Women are typically excited that they have a baby belly, because it means baby is growing! They just don’t love thinking of themselves as large, or how large they might potentially get.

“Are you sure it’s not twins in there?”

Oh you mean am I sure that the human I have been growing for months and have seen on an ultrasound is singular? Yes, actually, I’m really sure. I was expecting to get this question, but wasn’t expecting to get it at only 5 months. Even though I thought I was prepared, I was hurt. I felt embarrassed. I felt like I looked large and unattractive. It was way too early in the pregnancy to start feeling like that. I should definitely not be giving anyone enough power to influence how I am feeling about my body that is growing organs on a cellular level, but it is hard not to sometimes. Again, the speaker may not have meant any harm, but it’s hurtful. Just don’t ask the question. Don’t act surprised at the belly size. Just be kind.

“Are you planning on breastfeeding?”

Usually, if I am asked this question it is from family or close friends, and I don’t mind discussing it at all. Usually, in that case it is just out of curiosity, especially from friends who don’t have kids yet. When it becomes awkward is when strangers or coworkers ask you about breastfeeding. In that case it is usually because they are being nosy, or want to tell you why you should breastfeed. I am a strong believer in a woman doing whatever is best for her and best for her child. Sometimes women cannot breastfeed, or need to do a combo of breastfeeding and formula, and that is perfectly fine. As long as the woman is informed and her doctor is guiding the process so that baby is getting whatever s/he needs, it should be no one else’s business what her plan is.

“Are you just loving being pregnant?”

No, actually. I’ve heard about and read experiences of women who love being in the state of pregnancy. They feel great, they love the little kicks, and feel just dreamy for ten months. That is perfectly wonderful. I am not one of those people. I don’t hate it; far from it. I just don’t love it. It is a unique female experience, and I find it fascinating, wonderful, and frightening all at the same time, but I wouldn’t describe my feelings towards it as adoration and love. I love creating a little individual that is one half my husband, and one half myself, and I do feel reassurance and wonder at the little kicks I feel. The experience is not likely to prevent us from having more children (God willing), but I doubt I will look back on it and say “Oh I just adored being pregnant.” And that’s okay, too. Some people respond to this answer with blatant confusion and disapproval, which always induces feelings of shame at my own pregnancy experience.

It appears, among other kinds of shaming of women, that there is a lot of shaming involving pregnancy and the expectations that go along with it. It’s okay to not love being pregnant, it’s okay to be terrified of birth and not want to go through it, it’s okay to not want to be told you look huge, and it’s even okay to be disappointed when the baby’s gender isn’t what you hoped it would be. This is an individual’s experience, and absolutely no one should be judging anyone’s experience of pregnancy. Women should be supporting each other as sisters, and defending each other to judgmental outsiders.So next time you see a pregnant woman, just tell her that she looks great and super adorable with that baby bump. No questions asked.

Hello my friends, how was your week? With the hovering spring season, it seems like life is speeding up and the days are moving faster. My daffodil plants have grown with the warm weather, the yellow buds ready to burst with radiant blooms. The warm weather as sung to them like a siren, and they are weeks ahead of their season.

I love the spring season. I love seeing the bright colors make their way into the clothing in stores. I love the longer sunny days. I love hearing the birds sing again, making it seem like it should be warmer out than it is.

Spring also means babies! Usually baby birds, squirrels, and other animals, but this year it seems to mean babies for people, too! A lot of my facebook friends are pregnant right now and having babies between now and August. Must be something in the air...

This Friday I want to celebrate all the mamas and mamas-to-be out there with some pregnancy inspired favorites. Here you go!

1. Trendy distressed jeans

I am obsessed with my maternity jeans from Target. I prefer the kangaroo-pocket, over the belly jeans because I find they stay up better. I also love them because I went a full size down in these, so they definitely run big!

2. Dress your bump monochrome

One of the best pieces of advice is to dress your bump monochromatically. Dressing in all black or a mix of similar colors keeps you looking chic and not frumpy. Make sure to add a great accessory like a different color purse or leather to keep your look fresh.

Emily Blunt, pregnant with second child, has her fashion game right!

Photo: Daily Mail

Photo: Daily Mail

3. Dress your bump bright

Okay, so totally different piece of advice: take pride in your bump! Be proud of your new womanly figure and enjoy your new curves. The pregnant form is a beautiful form, and there is no reason to hide it. Dress in bright colors, stripes, patterns-- anything you feel fabulous in!

4. Maternity leggings

I am bananas about my leggings, so when mine started cutting uncomfortably into my abdomen I was pretty bummed. Fortuntely I found these leggings with a kangaroo-pocket. They fit very well, are a little thicker for no show through, and even have a low cross-cut backside so you don't feel so sausage wrapped.

5. Boppy body pillow

I'm the first to admit, I thought spending money on a big pillow was asinine. I mean-- it's just a pillow, right? Wrong. I was having trouble getting comfortable sleeping and since the store didn't have any regular body pillows, I broke down and bought Boppy.

I LOVE BOPPY. The best bed partner since my husband. It really helps you get comfortable, is washable, and is curved to fit a pregnant woman's body. I can't recommend this pillow enough.

Boppy, as it is affectionately called in my house, has three pieces and velcros together. I don't use the belly support piece yet, but I am sure I will get to that point in mere weeks. Looks weird, works miracles. Seriously.

It’s a terrible feeling. Staring at the mirror day after day, not looking at my face but staring at all other parts, wishing that this was smaller or that was tanner or this was flatter. You should go to the gym more, I would tell myself. You shouldn’t be eating that, my inner critic would scream at family dinners. Your face looks a lot better if you wear more make-up, she would say. I would say I’ve spent the majority of my teenage to adult years being body insecure. I fear this is the song of many adolescent girls in America.

There was one year, one great year, that I lost thirty pounds and felt amazing, beautiful, unstoppable. I was at the gym most days of the week, ate well, and carried myself proudly. Then once I settled into marriage and a job that started creating anxiety, the lbs started sneaking back up on me and my old friend, insecurity, returned. The compliments I received never seemed to stick. They were something I just could not believe.​Today, my belly is starting to get bigger, and I’ve never been so excited. The contradiction of my excitement over growing bigger and wanting to gain enough weight often makes me giggle. The idea that our baby is growing strong and healthy and is starting to create a body shape I’ve never experienced is a feeling that I wasn’t prepared for. I still my (hormonal) down days, but overall I experience a host of positive emotions—joy, excitement, love. I often feel overwhelmed, but am okay with that, too.

I now stare into the mirror, not looking at my thighs but at my belly, hoping that it has grown, that today might be the day I start looking like a pregnant woman. I don’t worry now about my size or the muscle tone of my limbs, I only worry about eating right for the developing baby.

I look at my face and see a different person looking back at me. I feel calmer and more collected. I’m no longer wound so tight or so anxious. I don’t worry as much about crumbs or spills. I’ve even been causing a few myself due to some newfound clumsiness.I wear less make-up these days. I don’t feel the need to put on the same mask I wore when I was younger. I am okay with letting myself shine through. I feel like I’m evolving as a person, a female, a woman.

I know that this may change. I read about how women in their third trimester start to experience discomfort and pains. I hear about how women in their final weeks just want the baby to come. I don’t know how I will feel months from now, but I hope that I am able to read this and recall the feelings of positivity and excitement that will carry me through those tough days.​I hope that, many months from now, I am able to wear my badges of motherhood proudly. I hope that I am able to carry myself with pride and not embarrassment. Creating a new life from the most basic cellular level is an incredible experience and nothing short of a miracle. I still plan to lose the weight and exercise and eat healthy. I want to be the fittest mom that I can be. But I pray that I can hold onto this newfound woman. She is secure, she is proud, she is beautiful. She is the me I always wanted to be.