"What it must look and smell like when a movie brain vomits. Truly worthless."
-Variety

Saturday, October 24, 2015

bo 10-25-15

Oh, man! Did I totally forget this? Phooey. See, this is why I don't work for The Onion. They now have box office reports like this, and they're, like, way way funnier. Oh well. I still say diversity's a good thing, as even I'd rather be reading other online stuff at times. Anyway, we got three debuts this week. The Martian is still at #1. What's their secret? Is Ridley Scott personally letting people in through the back at the theater? No, that doesn't make sense. I guess there's just something about Matt Damon and space, as with Elysium a few years ago. That was a bit more dystopian in outlook, however... if I remember correctly. And a bit of an opposite role for Sharlto Copley, at least compared to District 9, to put it mildly.
Anyway, Danny Boyle's Steve Jobs debuts at #7 in the Top 10 after its third week of being out in public. Alas, a movie will just never be as beloved as some of Apple's products. Why, I remember that one story like it was yesterday: the thieves in New York City were stealing iPods not to resell them, but just to have them!!! That's love. That's love of a product. And yet, what happens every time a few dozen people get trampled to death at a Walmart scrambling to get the latest iPhone? Everyone talks about the downfall of our society. Um... hel-LOOO? Steve Jobs? You're WELCOME??!!!
Our second debut is the latest installment of the Paranormal Activity franchise. I wonder if the original makers of The Blair Witch Project are just sitting there, kicking themselves half to death. Lemme check and see what IMDb has to say... welp, after a 7-year hiatus, co-director Daniel Myrick's still going strong, and he's about to release a movie with Beverly D'Angelo. You're just a hop, skip and a jump away from Pacino, my lucky friend! Anyway, I guess this is the fifth installment of the P.A. franchise. Seems to depend on how you choose to count that Tokyo Nights one. Hmmmm....
And last but not least, Michael Caine gets to play the British Best Friend to Vin Diesel in... whatever. Let's call it Babylon A.D. 2 or something. The director's named Eisner, but the studio's not Disney, so I guess it's a case of youth rebellion. All I know is, as Dave Letterman might have said on his old show, you got your ghosts (ding), you got your witches (ding), you got your... Hotel Transylvanias (ding)... have fun this Halloween weekend at the multiplex, kids! Ah hee hee hee hee hee hee.... squirrels and nuts!