Baking for the Wicked

Mocha Mayhem Cupcakes

My gorgeous friend Jennifer came over today, so I absolutely had to make her cupcakes. I mean, what sort of a friend would I be not to? So, caution to the wind, and diet aside, I whipped up a batch of the most moist, decadent, and divine cupcakes you could imagine.

Originally, I had planned to put a marshmallow based frosting on top of the deep chocolate cupcakes, but I followed some food blogger’s recipe, and it was an absolute disaster. I have a sneaking suspicion that she actually hadn’t tried it out herself, that it was a sort of hearsay recipe, because I have come to the conclusion that it was a scientific impossibility. I ended up throwing a veritable tantrum, and, shouting obscenities, I streaked the kitchen walls in clumpy whipped cream and marshmallow bits before stomping off to pick up Jen.

But, dear readers, all was not lost! As time was of the essence, I ran to the store and grabbed butter and dark chocolate, vowing to never again forsake my Magical Mystical Frosting. Because frankly, once you have found the the indubitable answer, the vérité absolue of frostings, woe to the ingrate who strays from the path of righteousness. Plus, isn’t it more fun to decorate your own cupcake?

When Jen arrived, I informed her that she would have to be my assistant, and I have to say, I have never seen a more dedicated whisker! We had a grand old time making the frosting, and it was even grander to eat our creations. So, it is with the utmost love and affection, that I bequeath this recipe to you.

MOCHA MAYHEM CUPCAKES

For the cupcakes:

2/3 cup white sugar

2/3 cup brown sugar

1 cup flour

1/2 cup cocoa powder (preferably unprocessed)

3/4 tsp baking soda

3/4 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 tbs white vinegar

1/2 cup milk

2 tsp vanilla

1 egg, plus 2 egg yolks

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup very hot coffee

For the frosting (this is a mocha version of my Magical Mystical Frosting):

Heat your oven to 350ºF (175ºC). Line a muffin or cupcake pan with cupcake liners. In a mixer (or by hand, whatever), mix the sugar and wet ingredients together, and gradually add your dry ingredients, but add the hot coffee last. Mix it until the batter is smooth and everything is just incorporated. You don’t want to over mix. Fill the cupcake liners almost to the top, but leave about 1/4 inch at the top. Bake for 25 minutes, and make sure they are done by inserting a toothpick into the center. It should obviously come out clean. Cool completely before frosting.

For the frosting, you will need two small pots, and a metal bowl or double boiler. In the larger pot, combine the sugar, flour, salt, and coffee over medium heat. In a small bowl, stir the milk with the cornstarch, making sure there are absolutely no lumps. Add this mixture to the pot, whisking often.

Melt the chocolate in the metal bowl over boiling water in the smaller pot, or use your handy double boiler. You will want to stir both pots constantly, which will be challenging if you don’t have a Jennifer. Some people do this in the microwave, but don’t complain to me if you burn it.

Once the cornstarch mixture is super thick and hard to stir, and glurphing and glorphing in gooey glee, add it directly to the melted chocolate bowl, and after fully combining the two, put the bowl in the freezer for about an hour. Ish. It depends on your freezer.

Once it is sufficiently cool, remove it from the freezer, and whip it, along with your softened butter and an elegant splash of vanilla, until it is fluffy and light and creamy and amazing.

Generously deck your cupcakes with this thick and scrumptious confection, and congratulate yourself on a job well done!