Saturday, July 07, 2007

I've been meaning to post this for a while, but have hesitated because I don't want you to read too much into it, even though I will be using delightful euphemisms to keep the blog family-friendly.

Say you're a girl that likes driving. The stereotype is that girls are reluctant to drive, but we all know that doesn't apply to everyone. You've met someone that has a really cool car and you have a great time whenever you take it out for a spin together.Sometimes you want to go out driving, but the car owner won't let you use his car. You're not the type to find someone else's car to use, so you just do without any driving for a while, living vicariously through other people's stories about driving. But lately you've begun to think that maybe you should buy your own car. That way if the normal car owner didn't want to go out driving, you could drive by yourself.

You ask the car owner about it and found out that he or she is uncomfortable with you driving anyone else's car, even your own. You respect the car owner's feelings and refrain from buying your own car. You get by fine because there are lots of other things in life other than driving, but sometimes you still want to drive when you don't have a car around.

So, what do you do? Do you go against the feelings of the car owner and buy your own car? Do you keep it a secret? Do you announce it to the car owner in the hopes that he or she will come around and maybe enjoy your new car with you? Do you look for an entirely new car owner, which could be costly and dangerous?

How would you feel if you were the car owner? Would you feel that your car wasn't good enough? Would you think that there just needs to be less driving in the world, period? Or are you ok with people having their own cars and doing what they will?

At my house, we each have a car we like to drive. We prefer to ride together, but sometimes that's just not possible, so going to the garage to find the other's car has moved happens frequently. It's never a big deal and it's never hidden; seeing that the car is parked in a slightly different spot is a giveaway that will bring, at most, a little good-natured ribbing.

Very often (and I realize this makes us either a happy anomaly or freaks, depending on your driving experiences) we'll each take our own cars at the same time, on the same route, to the same destination. I tend to drive a little faster, and sometimes I just want to get there, and maybe he's tired and just wants to get there, too. It's not embarrassing because we're both so well-acquainted with the interiors of each other's vehicles. Then again, we're VERY open about such things!

What's wrong with driving by yourself every now and then? The decision on solo driving should not be so tied to masculinity or love or whatever - sometimes driving is just this random physical need you have, and nothing more, so a quick spin alone will get the job done.

I'd say let him ride with you and see whether that makes him more comfortable with the idea of you driving alone. He'd see that the experience you have driving solo is not nearly as great as it is when you're both in the same car. That would also involve some digging to find out exactly why the solo experience so bothers him (every male I've ever known drives alone, whether they admit it or hide it).

Trading the car in seems like a terrible idea if the other driver could be more open-minded.

(I hope this was understandable. I was trying to stay with your euphemism and keep it clean...the latter's pretty hard for me to do! But for YOU, anything...)

omg! the euphemisms!i don't think there's anything wrong with getting your own car, especially if the other driver isn't available to take you where you need to go all the time. i think you need to discuss what the problem is with you driving on your own. you are a grown woman with a driver's license, one assumes. :) and as dd said, most men drive alone from time to time, too. i doubt he wants you taking the subway. (whew! that was tough to compose.)

I must admit, at first I totally didn't get what was going on here. Finally, after reading the comments I had my light bulb moment.

I would advise, as others have, to get to the root of why you driving your own car bothers him so. Believe me, if you ever decide to have kids driving solo can become something of a necessity for both of you. How's he going to feel if there is no driving at all, for either of you, for weeks?

YES! Get your own car! I mean, what if car-owner goes out of town or something, and then you can't drive for a whole flippin' week because you have to wait for him to get back? Pleaaaaaaase. That is cruel and unusual punishment.

I hope this all works out well and car-owner will come around. I agree with DD, take him along with you and see if he can get a little more comfortable with the idea of you driving on your own. :)

DD, not a single one of my guy friends got it. They were like "one time I was driving and this lady almost ran me off the road because she was doing her makeup, and then this other guy was on his cell phone."

I don't like to drive. I prefer to be chauffeured everywhere. However, Al knows that if I do get the urge to drive off by myself, I'm going to do it.

When we first got married he would get really angry if I drove myself, he was worried that if I drove alone alot, that I'd get too comfortable and I wouldn't ever want to ride with him. But after a few road trips together he finally changed his mind and decided to be secure in the fact that I truely do love riding with him much more than I like going it alone.

Besides, my car is a standard, I don't like shifting gears, he does it much smoother so we don't burn up the clutch.