I think I understand what you're trying to convey, and I completely agree. The person that I think I would have if we were exclusive is a mirage. Her husband helps to make her who she is. And if she didn't have him, it would affect the dynamic of our relationship, as well. Change one factor, and the whole dynamic shifts.

Exactly!

In my situation, my guy was so drained and traumatized, he had nothing to give. And even though I was not the one who traumatized him, he has voiced concerns about allowing himself to be that vulnerable again. So I would strongly encourage you to create new fantasies about your life as three - if you ultimately decide that is what you want.

Has it occurred to you that perhaps they are trying for a baby because having you in their lives makes them feel happy and secure enough to do so? Granted, I understand that as things haven't been spelled out and cemented about the life you will all create together, nor did they consult you in regard to a baby, such an announcement would be a shock. However, you might very well have been one of the factors that made them want to pursue it.