~ God is up to something

Wait

Wait…but in the waiting…do not stop living. We think that in times of quiet and in times of uncertainty it’s not a good thing and that we need to stop doing everything. We need to stop living and stop doing. That’s not true.

Do we need to slow down? Do we need to wait? Do we need to listen? Do we need to take some time? Do we need to experience? Do we need to think? Do we need to pause? Do we need to wait?

The answer is yes…to all these questions. From time to time we need to put the breaks on and see what’s about to happen. Sometimes we don’t have a choice. Sometimes the Lord forces us to do this.

Sometimes it seems like he is shutting all the doors, cutting out everyone, cutting us off. School will become too expensive, the school we want to doesn’t offer the program, the loans are coming out of repayment, all the prerequisite course have been taken, we’ve missed the deadline, the part time job isn’t paying the bills…etc etc.

We freak out…we say what now? What are the next steps? What are the options? Where do we go from here? Often times we talk to people…it’s funny though because at times, the Lord shuts these people out too.

They don’t answer the phone call, they don’t respond to the chat or the text. We get angry at them. But you know what…it forces our conversation with God.

I was talking to my friend tonight and she said that she thought that she was good at prayer. She said she didn’t think it was as hard as it has become. At first I didn’t know what she meant. She said it’s exhausting. And it is…it’s emotionally draining at times. Especially in the situations like mentioned above, when it seems like no one is there and everything that can go wrong, has and is going wrong. We lose hope and we lose sight.

But it brings us to our knees. It brings us to Jesus. And what a great place it is to be. It’s a hard place to be but you know what we can be honest. We can scream and yell and cry and carry on. We won’t hurt his feelings, we won’t scare him away. He’ll stay, he’ll listen. And he will respond.

Now for most we aren’t going to hear out right words from him. But he speaks to us. That I can very much testify to. You just have to be open to how he is going to speak to you. He speaks to each of us in different ways. It’s part of how he loves us. It’s so beautiful. His timing is so perfect.

Sometimes this requires us to wait. But in the waiting we need to keep earnestly seeking after him. We need to keep talking to him. We need to keep being open with him. We need to keep trusting him. We need to keep giving it over to him. We need to stop worrying.

Oh and I realize this is all so much easier said than done. It’s a tough thing. I hate it. But love it at the same time. If you’re like me I like to know everything, control everything, and fix everything. God will basically laugh at us and say watch me work and look at how much better I can do this.

Now it may take us some time to see that his way is better. But it is simply amazing when his timing falls into place and you can see it. It’s not always super obvious at first.

If you could look at the timeline of events in the last year of my life with me, you would see what I mean. If you would look at your last year, I’m sure that you could see something similar. We just have to be willing to wait…and to listen.

I have to keep reminding myself of this. I get so anxious because I want to see the finish line. I want the end result. I want the gold that comes at the end. I want the sunshine after the storm.

I want the already refined me. I want the new me without all the troubles and heartache. I don’t wan the growing pains. I don’t want to learn the hard way. It usually sticks with us better though when we do learn that way. And we appreciate it so much more.

As I mentioned the past year or so has been an adventure in and of itself to say the least. The person I was at the beginning of 2014 is not the person that I am in the middle of 2015. God saved me and spared me so much. He has pushed me and challenged me and stretched me. He has taken people out of my life and brought people into my life. He has changed my heart and passions.

He has opened my eyes to his plan. His plan is so wonderful. I cannot say that I understand it at all times but I trust it. I tried my plan. It didn’t work. It led to more pain and suffering. Now of which I have to suffer some of the consequences of those choices. But I am not stuck in those old ways.

I am still waiting. Waiting for what’s about to happen in this next season. But I’m not done living. I’m not putting my life on hold. I’m not getting depressed. I’m not giving up. I will rise to this challenge with his help. I will not self medicate or self mutilate. I will rest in his unfailing grace and his love.

I will not let the devil win, try as he may. My Jesus has me and is protecting me. People intercede on my behalf and he shelters me. I cry out to him and he hears me. I will not give up the waiting. I will keep doing what he’s asking me to do.

People may not understand it. People don’t know the whole story. People don’t know what the Lord has asked me to do. But he’ll help me carry it. Together we’ll walk it out. My time is coming. Your time is coming. Don’t stop fighting.

Get on your hands and knees and fight. Fight like you have never fought before. Trust in the Lord and hope in the Lord, in whatever your situation may be. Find rest and peace in him.

Don’t stop living just because you are in the waiting room or in the hallway. Keep going and keep trusting. He’s got it figured out already. You just have to follow him.