I felt so relieved after that day that Ben and I met up. The next day, me and my boyfriend get to see each other. Gosh, sobra ko syang namiss! Gusto ko syang i-hug sa gitna ng kalsada! Good thing hindi kami PDA.

Me: Hi! I missed you so much! OA ba?

Miane: Oo! Last friday lang kaya tayo nagkita! haha!

Me: Arte mo! Buti nga na miss ka pa eh! Miss mo ko?

Miane: Hindi! Kaya nga ako nandito eh.

Me: Kelan ba ko makakakuha ng matinong sagot sayo?

We were always like that, my new found love, always kidding around. Got some stupid fights yet still manage to create good memories, happy ones and stupid too. :) What a love, right?

I can't still get over after the incident with Ben. It's not that I'm still in love with him, I just remember how I used to be when I was younger. So vulnerable, easy to get hurt and always listen to people's comment about me. But that was before. After almost six years, I have change..

Last October, I saw Ben, now its late April. I was seating on the bench on one of my favorite park. Thinking deep, i haven't noticed them man sitting beside me. He talked, nagulat ako..

Hi! Busy ka ba? Ang lalim naman ng iniisip mo..

I answered back without looking sa lalaking nagsalita, deep inside I know his voice.

Me: Hindi naman ako busy, marami lang akong naiisip. I am missing this person whom I really love. i just hope we could really stay together despite of the hindrances in our relationship.

Did I ever mention that I super love reading books? Well, I am a bookworm. :) I've been reading books since I was a little girl. Any type will do especially series books and romance books.

I can't really remember the first book I have ever read, i mean a real book, not what we have in school. Nor I can't remember the first book I first bought to myself. But I do remember myself counting them, listing them along with the author, the publication date and place and the date I started reading certain one.

Life is never really what we wanted it to be. But God gave us things we need and some precious gifts that we will always keep in our hearts.

God gave me this person whom I fell for. I love her. Yes a girl named Maybelle. We did fun, we had fun. We laughed at our silly jokes, fought over stupid conversations and slept with phone hung on our ears. We were so different from each other. I am the emotional type with foolishness and she was the not-so-sweet type of person whom I always wanted her to be.

I am happy with her, a feeling I haven't felt for a long time. I feel secure with her, and I feel so special when she holds my hand. Fingers to fingers, so sweet as i remember.

They say that the very best revenge you can give to those people who have hurt you is being happy despite the fact that you are broken. At first, I thought it was hard, but then I realized one thing. It is indeed the best revenge.

I have been hurt thousand times, yet I am standing still. Why? It's not that I am strong but because I have God and the people who truly loves me by my side. My heart has been broken, many times I can't even remember how many, but still here I am.

I regret those times that I feel so stupid and desperate for some people who doesn't even want to welcome me in their lives. But then, I feel so successful that I did entered in their lives by doing crazy things.

One I can't forget was the memories with Gener, he was very special, though he doesn't like or love me back. I did things to get his attention, did I succeed? No and yes at the same time. For the first time in my life, he was the only man i ever imagined to live my life with. Crazy, right?

Now, almost a year had passed since we had our last conversation. Things with him left me hanging with questions, doubts, confusions, hurts and eye opening truths. Though he treated me bad, or should I say not that well, still I can stand to be mad at him. Its his prerogative not to like me, and i swear he played fair by being nice to me. With him, I learned a lot of things, I imagined loads of things and realized that he was given to me because he has to teach me something.

He never liked me, i knew it and felt it. But he treat me nice. Lesson learned? Accept that not everybody can love you as much as you love them. Accept the fact that someone can't really be a part of your dream life.

He never had return calls or texts when he has his girlfriend and when i am deeply falling for him. Lesson learned? What he did was good. It is always better to avoid things so that I can't be hurt much further and so there would be no conflicts with his relationship.

I never knew his side, but i knew him deep inside.

Hw would never believe how much impact he made to my life, but i am really thankful, that once in my life, i had him. and he became one of the reason why I am much stronger now.

Thanks Gener, wherever you are from now.

I moved on, though there was no deep connection between us and we've never been. I thank you. I really do. :)

It was the last show of PyroMusical competition in the Philippines for this year. Gladly, I was given the chance to witness this spectacular show. It was Italy who last to performed, because, Philippines as the host, doesn't compete (or just what i thought). Again, I felt so proud to be on MOA and capturing the whole event that night. I super love Italy and I felt a sudden rush of proud when they started to light up the sky. It was so beautiful, so magical. I had released every negative vibes I had in my body in an instant.

That is of course I am so into fireworks. I don't know why, but it really has that spark that telling me that everything is gonna be alright. As you can follow my journey, my life is hanging by a thread.

So this is it? I never thought it'll end like this. I was never been a part of LGBT community, but now I am proud to admit to myself that I am one of them.

Remember this post: the only exception: Brielle? It was our story. This may look crazy. It may look like it wasn't me. But the hell I care. I love that person. So what if she's a lesbian.

Its just hard for i don't even try to make things work. I just gave up on us without considering her feelings. *sigh*

People's advice and opinion on this matter is really confusing. This makes me think when I can't even think straight. I thought that to love is to be happy. No other things to consider. As long as you are happy and you are not hurting other people. But in this life, there are some consideration. As a Christian, I can't really admit if this is a sin, i just know that our relationship was never right.

But think about it, can we really have or do the right thing when it comes to love when everything seems to be right? It feels like fighting against the whole world. And though your friends are everywhere, comforting you like the old times, you can't really feel okay.

Moving on is not a one night process, it'll take some time. I know that. But no matter what happen, and with this decision of mine of leaving you, please always remember that I am still here to be your friend. I will always love you. Let's just take some time till our wounds be healed.