Breaking Bad: Unpacking Drake’s 0 to 100

“Fuck being on some chess shit,” begins Drake in his new release “0 to 100.”

Well how about, fuck making me listen to a song for 6 entire minutes. The track is so long, so monotonous, that I thought it was accidentally on repeat until I realized that nope, it it is actually going to take my ears 367 seconds to get to the point.

Which is actually exactly the point, because chess is a game of strategy. It’s about thoughtfulness, outsmarting the opponent, and skill. Kind of like a rap battle. (Raise your hand if you’ve seen 8 Mile!)

But I like Drake, I like his genre-unique reference to chess, and I want to like this song. So in order to get into it — to be able to enjoy it, live it, feel it — I realized, that meant I had to break it down and understand it.

Fuck being on some chess shit

According to the “Internet” Drake is actually not saying the word “chess.” He’s saying “chill.” But that, my friends, is how you win The Game of the Minds — by fucking with your opponent. And by playing with your ears before the track’s barely begun, Drake stole your Pawn and you didn’t even know. He said “chess,” everyone. Trust me.

We got 0 to 100, real quick

A reference to his early days on the playground: before Drake could rap or play chess or acted in Degrassi, he was a child named Aubrey whose greatest claim to fame was counting the fastest. He was the worst to play hide-and-go-seek with because of this, but his quick counting was a foreshadowing into his mathematical mind which would later lead to an underground career in chess.

He’s advising us listeners to seek the counsel of an accountant as he has, maybe invest a little bit of our young savings, begin thinking about that 401k. Or is he? Guys! Focus! No one saves money anymore! He’s trying to distract you by talking about stock options and look — Drake just stole your Bishop.

How you sold albums, still so down to Earth

Said no one ever to Drake.

All up in my phone, lookin’ at pictures from the other night

Here’s Drake’s “Stars! They’re just like us!” moment. He’s letting you know that he too lays in bed at night and holds his phone over his face while scrolling through Instagram and trying to not drop said phone on to his face.

She gon’ be upset if she keep scrollin’ to the left, dawg // She gon’ see some shit that she don’t wanna see

And here’s where he let his mom look at his phone and then experienced this universal moment of combined dread and annoyance:

If I ain’t the greatest then I’m headed for it

Back to the game of chess. His life goal is to beat the elderly men in Washington Square Park whose entire lives revolve around The Game. But he hasn’t beaten you yet. YET.

At first I read that as “Drake-O’s” and thought it was some kind of sugary cereal you were eating for lunch. Ugh, now I am craving a bowl of Drake O’s.

octobers very own

ovo is octobers very own…lol no offense but y’all really dont know

Amelia Diamond

Right, October’s Very Own Extra Virgin Olive Oil!

http://www.ashliwithaneye.com Ashli Pollard

the office of man repeller has severely lost their minds! why does this make me want to try the sugar diet?

DinToronto

This is brilliant. So much truth. Does the commenter ‘octobers very own’ know you’re joking? Guess not.

LaShawnda G

ugh why does anyone listen to wheelchair Jimmy anyways??

Chelsea Murphy

HaWHAAAT?!? You might be real-deal puking soy/muffin/reeses right now but recall that you vomited THIS brilliance a few hours ago and know that the hangover was totally worth it. That was poetry. I think you get the day off tomorrow.