On May 9, 1999, the San Francisco Giants handed out 35,000 Willie Mays bobblehead dolls to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Candlestick Park.

The fans were amused. Jay Leno had conditioned them to laugh at things with big heads, and now they had a big-headed thing of their own that they could place on their dressers and stare at whenever life became unbearable.

Word of the giveaway’s success spread quickly, and within a couple of days, every team in baseball was giving bobblehead dolls to their fans, and they’ve continued doing so to the present day.

Over the past 13 years, anyone who’s occasionally gone to sporting events now has more bobbleheads than the square footage of their homes can accommodate, and they’ve had to rent out storage units to keep pace. Families have shipped their children off to sweatshops and fed their elderly to compost piles simply because there’s no room left in their houses for anything but bobbleheads.

And yet every year, when teams solicit ideas for promotions, the marketing departments still shrug their shoulders and mumble, “More bobbleheads, I guess.” On rare occasions a team will produce a fresh concept, such as the Rays and their Don Zimmer teddy bears, but typically the giveaway schedule looks something like this: a rally towel, a magnetic schedule, 64,000 DIFFERENT BOBBLEHEADS and a drawstring tote bag.

This year’s no different, with MLB teams combining for a grand total of 98 bobblehead nights. It’s a tired gimmick, and teams could benefit from some change.

To help this process, Playbook has come up with new giveaway ideas for each of the 30 ballclubs.

Tampa Bay Rays

• A foam finger with a bloodstained fingertip -- an ode to Sam Fuld and his glucometer

• You know those sticky hands that you can get for a quarter in the grocery toy machines? One of those, but it’s a sickly brown color and it’s labeled “Nick Swisher tobacco spit”

• A latex Terry Francona scalp cap

Oakland A’s

• Using Billy Beane principles, the A’s can simply take the giveaways that didn’t work for big-market teams and hope that they’re better received in Oakland. Get excited, A’s fans, because Yankees chip clip day is coming soon.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

• You get to watch Mike Trout, Albert Pujols, and Josh Hamilton playing baseball on the same field. That’s the prize. Don’t be greedy.

Houston Astros

• Large vacuum-sealed bubbles of air labeled “Luxury Tax Cap Space”

• A “whine stopper:” a plastic, airtight cork that fans can use to reseal the wine bottles they’ve been drinking from to cope with the team’s failures. It also reminds them to stop whining, as things are gonna be ugly for a while.

Detroit Tigers

• A fanny pack modeled after Jim Leyland’s lungs: black, dripping with tar, emits a puff of smoke when unzipped

Texas Rangers

• A Yu-vuzela, which is a Yu Darvish-themed vuvuzela that makes a distinct yooooooo sound

Seattle Mariners

• Sacks of surplus frozen Ichirolls that they couldn’t sell off in time

Miami Marlins

• A convenient pocket guide to help fans distinguish the players from the grounds crew

• A stress ball shaped like Jeffrey Loria’s head

• A small sea monkey kit modeled after the stadium’s aquarium backstop

• The team’s name is a nod to the Franciscan friars who founded the city, so it seems weirdly appropriate that the newly elected Pope Francis be made into a plush doll, outfitted with a Padres jersey, and handed out to the first 10,000 fans at a game sometime this season