"Then I'll be buried alive only to re-appear inside the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier!"

Laying down and not getting up for four days? Sounds like something David Blaine would do.

The Cubs better not complete the baseball exorcism cycle next year.

If history has taught us anything, it's that the Cubs win the World Series in 2015 against the Miami Gators.

A Cubs championship before then, however unlikely, would undercut the epic nature of their destiny.

"100-to-1 shot!"

No, I'm not delusional. The Devil Rays become the Miami Gators, National League teams throw a few games  the stage is set.

"Cubs win World Series against Miami."

In addition to overcoming 107 years of futility, they can do what the Red Sox and White Sox could not  ensure Back to the Future: Part II continuity.

AP: Cartman once described independent movies as "gay cowboys eating pudding." Now we have "Brokeback Mountain," an upcoming movie by Ang Lee about gay cowboys.Stone: If they have pudding in that movie, I'm going to lose my mind.[source]

Cindy Sheehan, the military mother who made her son's death in Iraq a rallying point for the anti-war movement, plans to tie herself to the White House fence to protest the milestone of 2,000 U.S. military deaths in Iraq. [source]

I like Cindy the psycho, but I think she'd be infinitely more entertaining as a magician, an activist magician.

"For my next protest, I will make the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier disappear!"

w/ McKernhttp://412.careersite.com/… think i can do this? i do.you have references?yes sir.
i have solid references at a fortune 500 company
two of themyeah, i think you're qualified
i'm applying to assistant manage a chipotlewell, thats… a step.
jesus.
you almost make me glad i never finished college, jon.

Royal Oak, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit, may be the location of the next Real World season.

Viacom, MTV's parent company, "leased 8,812 square feet of space for its MTV network in downtown Royal Oak," the Oakland Business Review reports. "The space is in the Main North development, which is under construction on Main Street, near 11 Mile Road" and "is categorized as office space."

Multi-platinum recording star Aaron Carter makes a guest-starring appearance for one of the tricks.

I remember watching a New Year's Eve special on Fox during which Penn and Teller botched an escape stunt.

They planned to escape from a "champagne torture tank" but swam into trouble picking handcuff locks. I believe Teller accidentally dropped the lone lockpick. An emergency crew ended up smashing the tank open with sledgehammers and carting the asphyxiated duo away in an ambulance.

2. I tried writing a sketch about Domino Harvey at Bounty Hunters Anonymous

"My name is Domino Harvey, and I'm a bounty hunter."
"Hi, Domino."

but couldn't sustain the premise.

The plan was to populate the BHA meeting with other notable bounty hunters  Boba Fett, Dog, Brisco County Jr.

It sounded better in my head than in Notepad.

3. Sometimes I wonder if I lose international readers with decidedly American pop culture references.

Like, do Scottish people know who Dog is?

4. Another scrapped sketch: Bilbo Begins.

5. When actor John Cusack reportedly inquired about getting tickets recently, White Sox chairman Reinsdorf rejected him. He still remembers when Cusack became the world's biggest Cubs fan during the North Siders' 2003 playoff run.

"Cusack used to be a White Sox fan," Reinsdorf said, recalling Cusack coming to the Sox 2000 playoffs. "He showed his true colors. Now that we won, someone on his behalf called my office. I wouldn't give them to him."

"…unless he gave me a pound of his flesh!"

How ironic it would be if he denied Joan Cusack access to U.S. Cellular Field.

6. Jord asked me if I thought recycling actually works.

[pause]

"Am I certain that what I recycle will be recycled? No. To let that dissuade me from recycling, however, is absurd," I replied.

He responded with a condescending "Yeah, yeah…"

Excuuuse me for being concerned about Earth's dwindling landfill capacity.

1. UNTITLED BOB SAGET PROJECT (HBO) – Bob Saget has set up a new comedy at the pay channel about a divorced dad who works as a gynecologist in Phoenix and struggles to balance raising his 14-year-old son and his active social life. Saget will star, co-write and executive produce the project.

2. I attended Resfest on Saturday at the Museum of Contemporary Art, during which time two Hindians wed upstairs.

Hipsters and Hindian wedding guests sharing the same small lobby  'twas a sight to behold.

3. Who the hell gets married at a museum?

4. To my dismay, I missed a screening of a shorts program that included Dimmer, a short film commissioned by the band Interpol about three blind teenage boys roaming the industrial neighborhoods of Buffalo, NY.