New Segment here on Atomic Gator, Rapid fire Rich. More stories equals more funny. May stick, may not, who gives a shit either way? This is me staying ahead of the curve and letting you all ride my coat tails. (metaphor) I have no coats with tails on them. Yes that is my arm in my sun glasses reflection. You’re welcome.

Dear Stephanie Zacharek from movieline.com you gave Nic Cage and the god damn Sorcerer’s Apprentice a higher rating than Inception? What have you been eating, retard sandwiches? I’m not here to champion Inception, I liked it but the fact you gave it a D+ when everyone else in the world gave it a B or better tells me you’re an idiot. I realize that movieline.com is a piece of shit, so in reality it doesn’t matter but I would just like to know WTF were you thinking? Can’t wait for your Piranha 3D, review what are you giving that one, an A+? Yes, she was the one critic who also liked Furry Vengeance. I’m starting to believe that any publicity for this stupid movie site is good publicity for this stupid movie site.

So you were too dumb enough to understand inception so you gave a negative review?

Dear Stephanie, shut your whore mouth. (I admit, that one is mine)

No Bullshit, 40 bloody people down, that is one Red Bull

I haven’t seen anyone that upset since the Anita Bryant Concert. (Airplane movie reference) c’mon people work with me here. Apparently that Bull doesn’t like people wearing white t-shirts with red scarfs. Come to think of it, neither do I. Hey assholes at the bullfight, you think it’s cool to watch bulls get killed? Well then, you’re fair game in those stands. Seriously, that Bull is pissed off, you may think twice about attending a bullfight in Spain. At the very least reconsider your attire, I’m thinking don’t wear red to a bull fight unless you want a massive Bull trampling your ass.

Dear ESPN, I usually enjoy watching you when I get bored or want to see highlights daily. However, now every time I turn on the TV there you are telling me about Brett Favre. First he’s retired then he might come back, now he’s back. This is what he ate in September 1998, on and on. Personally I don’t give a shit if he plays or not, I would just like to know before the season starts so I can make sure my Madden video game rosters are correct. Damn ESPN, I know it’s the dog days of summer but can you please find something else to cover right now besides Brett god damn Favre and the little league world series? You’re ESPN for god sakes not Versus.

Hope you liked Rapid fire Rich. No baby seals were hurt writing this particular blog post but never fear, there’s always a chance next time. Lookout baby seals I’m coming for you and I have my club. I’m also bringing dinosaur riding Jesus so be on the lookout, we’ll be impossible to miss.