Sunday, March 13, 2005

...and this is life

The past few days have been amazingly busy. I've been occupied all the time, doing nothing. Funny as it may sound, it's really an occupation in itself. You just lie around, seemingly aimlessly, wondering about various things, working things out in your head (or in my case, TRYING to work things out) and find that the time's just flown by...

Also rediscovered a love for watching movies. Funny really, that on a campus with over half a terbyte of movies, I should start after 6 months, but really, in the time after Engineering, I had totally lost the keenness to watch movies. Seemed like a total waste of 1.5-2 hours of the day......so many more and better things could be done in that time.....

Anyway, re-watched some movies that I love and saw some new ones too, all in a vain attempt to keep the damn mind occupied. And yeah, I really identify with Melvin Udall and Harry Burns......seemingly different characters, contrasts almost, but their thought processes do strike me as similar in some areas and their personalities are a bit like me at times :-). Specially Harry....

"Sometimes, bad things happen and you can't do anything about them". A line from one of the movies I just saw.......but are there any people who do this? Just leave everything to the mythical creature called "God" and move on? Can we really do that? I don't know. I can't, at least. Sometimes, life's just not understandable. Actually, most of the time, it's not. But does that really mean you stop trying to figure it all out, and straighten up the mess? Do you really just "forget" about things?

I don't think we ever forget anything really.....I hate people saying that, "Forget about it". Because the more you try not to think about something, the more you really are thinking about it, just in the attempt not to.....so what then? Do we really accept things? Ultimately, none of us do. We delude ourselves into believing we do and we try to keep moving, but the truth is that until you face reality, you're carrying the burden. It's not something you just wish away or something you can turn off like a damn switch......it's there all the time. Oh, and by the way, even in the movie, the character does have to go back and face reality....as I said, he can't forget it and just move on, as most people love advising us to do.....

It's something I am seeing happening to a friend of mine.....two friends actually. And that's made me realize that the one thing that none of us can really do without is that belief in ourselves. These two are different people in every sense. While one has lost belief due to not having any answers, the other has lost belief due to something that happened earlier in life. But how does one live if you can't trust yourself? How does one live if you don't know what you yourself are worth? Can anyone really achieve anything in life without knowing what one is worth?

Guess I am not the ideal person to make this statement, but the way I see it, unless you really believe that you deserve something and are worth it, you'll never get it. Whatever people may say, most people only get what they truly believe they can......and this, is life......

I thought that you were tabs, circe, ideasmith, la devil, m, j, warped mind, lady of the lake, saint, rosie, scarlet, dreamcatcher, dreamer, etc. etc.... I don´t know which one are you, if you are some, if you are not all, if you are all...