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Author
Topic: Depression? (Read 3449 times)

I have been lurking on this forum for years and finally decided to sign up. I got diagnosed four years ago but probably got infected 5 years before my diagnosis. I have been on atripla for three years now. I got married to a negative man and moved from a large city away from a circle of friends and support group to his very small town where i have no friends but my BIG SECRET.

My brother dies abroad in December and I attended his funeral, I got back to the little town and all I have is my husband. I am not interested in anything anymore, I am cold towards my husband, I am irritable, I have mood swings. We are on vacation as i write and I am least interested in any activities. My husband does not understand my behaviour because he has no clue what I might be going through.

I am trying to get a job as a flight attendant so I could probably be out there around people and away from this little town where I know nobody. I hope this is not a selfish idea. I have a home business that brings in a lot of money but I think themoney is not actually bringing me happiness.

I dont want to take anti-depressants cuz I feel I just need to be a certain circle of people and not where I am right now.

by the way he wants us to concieve but I dont know about that right now.

Welcome to the forums, particularly our little women's family. I'm sorry to hear about everything you're going through. I would suggest you seeing a therapist, first off. Secondly, I don't know where you're at, but I would try to get in touch with an Aids Organization that's close by, or in a surrounding vicinity. They could put you in touch with a support group, where you could meet other positive people and not feel so alone. That's the two places I would start.

Good luck and I hope to hear more from you. Luv,Betty

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hey hun. I am also a lurker who occasionally pops my head out. your post brought me out because I totally understand what you're going through. I have no one that knows my 'little secret' because my husband dosen't want me to tell anyone because he's afraid how they'll think of us or treat us. He also hates if I even bring up the fact that 'yes. I have hiv. if my cd4 count drops a little lower I'll go back to being technically having AIDS' he's not for me going to a therapist and we can't afford for me to be on happy pills with the other meds I'm on. But yeah I am very cold to people. I don't have any friends where we live now and I don't even care about really making friends because I'm like what's the damn point I only have to many good years left. When I was diagnosed 12/9/06 I was immediately put on meds my cd4 was in like the low 70's and I had PCP pneumonia that I was in the hospital for months for. I have no joy in my life. I rarely smile and am always just breaking down in tears. I am also getting back into cutting and I skip my meds if I'm really depressed.

yeah I have no good advice for you but at least you can know you're not alone.

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I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you. - Grandpa Simpson I knit, therefore I am - Me

Welcome to the forums, particularly our little women's family. I'm sorry to hear about everything you're going through. I would suggest you seeing a therapist, first off. Secondly, I don't know where you're at, but I would try to get in touch with an Aids Organization that's close by, or in a surrounding vicinity. They could put you in touch with a support group, where you could meet other positive people and not feel so alone. That's the two places I would start.

thansk to everybody that responded to my post. thank you all for the encouraging words. I am doing much better. I am "out of the dpression mode". I still have no frieds and hate this little town. I have resorted to shopping to make myself feel good.

My husband and I leave for Vegas tomorrow for the weekend. I interviewed with an airline and am awaiting trainig date so I will be out in the skies and out there meeting meeting and being around people in no time. Wish me luck.

Dear Bunny, glad you are feeling better and have set goals for yourself. I recently lost my brother also. Grieving is a process that you must allow yourself to feel.

Dear Nitty, I urge you to get some help,there are places you can go for free,like your local health department,for meds and conseling.I know this because I have been there. I suffer from depression, for over 30 years!!!I know what it feels like to have no hope .Cutting is self destuctive and a cry for help.Please don't hurt yourself anymore, writting how you feel and keepinga journal may help.I have been on antidepressants and they have helped me. I recently weaned myself down to a lower dose after so many years, 150 mg to 50 mg of zoloff. This was not an easy decision, but something I have wanted for years but afraid. Eventually I may wean off completely after a year, but if not I am comfortable now.Its nothing wrong with asking for help and taking antidepressants! I am a longterm aids survivor, lived with this over 20 years, and very thankful and blessed.Don't think about death, live your life,one day at a time.Count your blessings!!!!I will be praying or you.