This blog is a story about me and my dear friend Ana (aka. anorexia). It's partly fiction, but almost completely true. And it's definately Pro Ana.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Tired Again

Sorry, everyone, i'm WAY too worn out to write in story form. I'm not really sure why... I mean, i went to bed around 7:00 last night, but then again, i did keep waking up every hour because Jacob wasn't there. He was working... I expected him home at 1:00 at the very latest, but he didn't get home until 4:00, so when i woke up at 1:00 and he wasn't there, there was no more sleeping for me, just sitting up worrying. It kind of massively pissed me off that he didn't even call me and let me know how late he was going to be, but whatever, i'm not going to whine and cry about the man that has carried me through hard times many times....I did end up cutting last night (this morning, rather) around 3:00... I was just so worried about Jacob that i didn't know what to do with myself. It was the only way i could calm down... He was a bit angry when he found that out, but he didn't get as mad as i thought he would. he just made me promise that it'd never happen again. In return, i made him promise never to be that late without warning me again.Then this morning i woke up at 9:00 to go to work, and worked until 4:00. ...Wow, i'm just telling you all the exact times that i did everything in this post, huh? Lol. Sorry. I ate one hot pocket before i left, but that's all i'm going to eat today so i don't feel too bad about it. Everyone else in this house ate an entire turkey dinner, but i said forget about that. I'm quite proud of myself for it. :)My weight is at 121.5 now, so i lost half a pound in one day. I'm certainly OK with that. Ana would like it to be more than that of course, but hey, it's still progress, even if it's small, right? And to answer one of the questions i got in my comments, my "secret" to losing the weight as fast as i am is only eating one meal--which usually consists of 500 or less calories--a day (avoiding even that if i can) and being on my feet for at least 5 hours at work. It's pretty brutal sometimes, but others, it seems almost easy to me. Much much easier than eating normally anyways.I still need some sketches or something for my Ana-tribute tattoo if any of you all are interested. I didn't get any at all yet. :( Please, please send me some at my email (emofreak5@yahoo.com), OK?I love you all bunches and bunches! Your comments are my motivation for getting through the day sometimes. *hugs and love to all* Stay strong.

"so when i woke up at 1:00 and he wasn't there, there was no more sleeping for me, just sitting up worrying. It kind of massively pissed me off that he didn't even call me and let me know how late he was going to be,"

Maybe he just didn't want to wake you up in the middle if the night. :)Hope you have a nice day!

Try to not cut anymore. I don't know what it's like to cut, so I really don't have the right to tell you what to do, but I can't imagine that it's so good for you, honey. And good job on the weight loss! Keep it up, it's what makes you happy. I really think we have to stick to the things which make us happy.I like your blog so much! Stay strong, love.Merely

Awwww no story lol that's ok hi I started reading you blog a week ago i spent about half a day reading your posts lol yes I have nothing better to do and It distracts me from the fridge lol you should really gather these and write a book about it this this really good I'd toatally buy it!!! Your so lucky you found such a perfect guy some of us are still looking lol listen to Jacob he has your best intrests at heart in the long run Ana is just screwing you around trust me kk hang in there girl keep posting ! : )

I think you should buy someone to design the tattoo you want if you haven't got any sketches yet. Example Deviantart is full of good artists. Maybe someone in there could sketch it to you? :-) I can't suggest anyone in there but I bet you'll find the best artist whom art you like.

I'm not sure if a tattoo for ana is such a good idea :( that means that it really will be with you for ever, which is kind of a nice thing but also pretty terrible at the same time :/ just my opinion.. :)

I get a lot of comments telling me that i'm not anorexic. I want to tell you right now that i KNOW i'm not anorexic. Saying that i am pro-ana does not make me anorexic, and i'm well aware of that. My eating disorder is EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified). I simply use Ana as my main character because she is the well-known ED i am closest to, and honestly, who's ever heard of a name for EDNOS?I never said that i wanted this. I didn't try to give myself EDNOS. I'd much rather be a normal person, but i'm not, and i can't be. So here's my story. If you don't appreciate it, then i simply ask you to leave.

People I Love

Keira Knightley

She's so beautiful and thin. I want to look like her....

Ana

this picture perfectly captures the essence of Ana and her love for her followers... and how she never lets go.