A Bedtime Fairytale For Exhausted Mums…

“Once upon a time in a land far away lived a Queen. Her son, Prince Batman was the perfect child. He never bit her, never threw his dinner on the floor, and he slept through every single night!”

“I hate her!” I hear you cry.

This morning sees me staring at my monitor through slits, which were once eyes. I am Grey, my motivation is none existent, yet I have a million things I need to do today.

Sam decided 3.03am was getting up time last night. This was after baby bump had me up from 1-2ish feeling sick. After 90 minutes of trying to get Sam back to sleep, I gave up and put him in bed with me & DaddyGeek. Sam then spent another 90 minutes rolling around, squealing in delight, pulling my hair & kicking his Dad, before falling asleep for another hour.

How did I survive these 3 hours of hell? I made up a fabulous Fairy Take life where my hair was swishy, my baby bump wasn’t covered in bruises from the clexane injections, and my son slept all bloody night!!

In his defence, Sam did leave 80% of his bedtime bottle last night, so I am assuming the 3am party was down to that. Alas, the bottle I gave him just before 4am seemed to fuel his fun, rather than send him back to sleep as I had hoped!

So, back to the Fairy Tale….I was Queen of a land called Cohosh (It’s a plant, known to have healing properties for many girlie ailments – don’t question the crazy hormonal lady)! I had no Grey hairs, my chin (note the singular noun there – I had ONE chin)! My chin was not covered in spots, and I could walk without holding on to stuff as my hip wasn’t on it’s way out!

I spent my time playing with my perfect son, who never ever kicked my baby bump. We played outside on the grass (which had no ants in it), and we weren’t at risk from UV rays, despite the wonderful sunshine! Hmm, I seem to have overlooked DaddyGeek, so am assuming he was off doing Kingly duties or something. At 4am, my Fairy Tale seemed bloody perfect.

I am now sat here with slits for eyes, squinting at my laptop screen, listening to Sam squeal with delight as he watches Raa Raa the noisy Lion, wiping his dribble on my new top – (which I stupidly left on the chair in the playroom), I realise that sleep is for the weak. I don’t need swishy hair, a full 8 hours kip, the perfect complexion or an amazing jaw line to make my life perfect. I need to drink my tea, play with my son, nag spend time with my husband and make time to sit back and appreciate that life is bloody good – exhaustion aside!

In reality, I am queen Tina & I look more like this…

(Did I mention I once played the Queen of Hearts in an am dram production of Alice In Wonderland?) NOT one of my finer moments!