The Next Big Thing: CricketWeb 'A' in the Caribbean

November 27

So here I am in a cheap hotel room in Port-of-Spain. It’s not how I dreamed my first tour, sitting under a bedside lamp with mysterious stains on the bed. The place does have a unique charm, not unlike the sidewalk in a poverty-stricken village in Chennai. It’s painful enough without roommate Nick jeering, “Stop writing and give me a hug you fine piece of human specimen”.

With fellow Reds batsman Rob Dauth excluded from the tour I really wasn’t expecting any homosexual implications. Dauth wasn’t the only noticeable exclusion from the squad of 16. Fellow team-mates Ken Dobson and Sean Bennett were ignored from the selectors as they practised their “Lets slowly make CricketWeb a red-free-zone”. Nick and I are the pride of CW Oval. We’ve done far too much for the selectors to turn the other cheek. It’s our divine right to be there as I have shown by my superior FC batting average of 28. We’re keen on proving a point to the selectors. We just need to work out what that point is.

NB
4JS

Is that permanent? It is! Just my luck, the CWBCC yet again show their quality budget as my pen runs out. I return to find that Nick has taken liking to my diary and expressed his feelings publicly. How embarrassing. Where to from here I wonder?
It appears that the board are not taking any chances and preparing for the worst. Penny Mitchell, mother of 11-year-old Lewis Mitchell has decided to take legal action against the board, expecting them to pay $1000 in medical bills suffering an injury Mitchell suffered fielding during a Dev League match in Sydney. As the capital of the CWBCC doesn’t extend much further than $1000 it’s no wonder why I am situated here.

It’s so typical that an 11-year-old would hinder my debut tour. The fellow squad members have shown great compassion for my situation by voting Nick and I to have the room with the double bed. I won’t be getting much sleep tonight.

November 28 [Part 1]

I was woken up at 8am by a knock on the door. I went outside to find the culprit and found a telegram stuck up. It was an article by ‘The NJS News’ claiming that the rumours about a lawsuit were false. It does however raise the question as to where the money had gone. Surely they could have afforded better accommodation.

The sight of Nick topless on the bed was enough to encourage me to go to breakfast early. When I arrived at the table it appeared that Big Trav had already introduced himself to half of the buffet. I was soon joined by the rest of the team and the meal was greater than what I expected. From there we were instructed onto the bus where we were to travel to the training ground.

Desperate to get away from Nick, I took the first free seat available. Don Lezama was ecstatic that someone had actually chosen to sit next to him. It was short-lived however as I dozed off while he was describing the life cycle of llamas. It was much needed as Nick had kept me up until the early hours but we won’t go into that! I should no better than to fall asleep on a bus and was awoken by Big Trav’s permanent marker, the same pen that Nick had used yesterday.

I was only semi-conscious when I stepped off the bus. We had been joined by the local reporters although most of the cameras seemed to be pointed solely at me. At the time I couldn’t understand why, I was hardly the star batsman of the team. Maybe it was a loyalty thing from my stint at Port-of-Spain last off-season. It wasn’t until I entered the change rooms that I realised why. I needed to wash my face and while doing so caught a glimpse of the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot but more importantly I had a monobrow, glasses and a moustache drawn on my face. It really does make me wonder what will appear in the paper tomorrow. How embarrassing.

Sreesanth said, "Next ball he was beaten and I said, 'is this the King Charles Lara? Who is this impostor, moving around nervously? I should have kept my mouth shut for the next ball - mind you, it was a length ball - Lara just pulled it over the church beyond the boundary! He is a true legend."

November 28 [Part 2]

My day improved as soon as training started. After a short talk from captain Sean Fuller we started our fitness session. Fitness levels really started to show while working the stairs. By the end of that, Demaza looked quite out of it. I got great pleasure out of watching Big Trav try and do the hill runs on a stomach full of crab.

The fielding session went quite well and the team looked in good shape (apart from Demaza). Mamesh was trialled as the reserve keeper and naturally we all expressed what we thought of the Colts. He was worked out with poor, wide throws and overarm shies at the stump from nearby. He came out of it surprisingly well and greatly improved his chances of being the second choice keeper for the tour.

We then went to the nets and to my pleasure I got to face Demaza. It was good revenge as the overrated Blue seamer struggled to get to the crease at all. I was seeing the ball well and middling everything Trav sent down. It wasn’t so funny when Nath Patrick successfully lined up my new monobrow and sent me from the nets early.

I sat out the rest of the session with an icepack between my eyes but it did give me a good chance to check out the talent. Sean Fuller looked in fine touch with both bat and ball. Even better was the news that Sean Bennett will be added to the squad after his contract status was sorted out, meaning that there will be another Red in the squad.

After lunch there was more fielding and we finished up with a game of rugby. It was amusing watching Don Lezama trying to understand the game and he subsequently left the field in shame after running backward to avoid the oncoming defence and then kicking the ball forward to his team mates who were all in hysterics.

Dinner was great with the team already starting to bond. It’s a shame that it had to end because yet again I have to cope with Borcich crying himself to sleep. I wonder if it would be worthwhile to crash in a dumpster tonight.