It might have been mistaken for a teen girlfriends’ slumber party. Equipped with plastic cups of white wine, the gaggle giggled nonstop as each eased into a frothing moonlit hot tub. Their late-night chatter was interrupted only by an occasional round of raucous laughter. Three of the hot tubbers were sisters, ages 41-44. The fourth was their 72-year-old mother.

Dorie Smith and her daughters are among hundreds of mother-daughter sets who pilgrimage each year to Rancho La Puerta, the renowned fitness spa just across the border, in Tecate. They go for a tuneup — both physical and spiritual.

The women have discovered something mind-altering about “the Ranch.” For a week, they thrive on a powerful cocktail concocted with equal parts exhaustion, exhilaration, pain and pampering. It’s a recipe that erodes emotional barriers, encourages communication and vulnerability, nourishes intimacy.

“I haven’t been with my mom this much and not argued, ever in my life,” said Abby Laporte, 20, who visited earlier this year with her mother, Jennifer Laporte, from Petaluma.

“All you have to do here is take care of yourself,” Abby added. “It’s so restorative. You come back to that self that you really dig.”

Ranch guests exercise, eat healthy meals, indulge in sybaritic spa treatments and dabble in enrichment courses that often focus on relationships — but can range from using hypnosis to improve your golf swing to a discussion of the G spot.

Except for spa treatments, the week’s stay is basically all inclusive. There’s no debating which museum to visit, what to wear, which play to see, where you’ll eat, who will pick up the check.

“Your hardest decisions here are which class to attend and which treatment to get,” said Ranch fitness director Barry Shingle. “We offer enough activities that there’s something that will appeal to everyone and every fitness level. You can plan certain activities together — but plan separate things, too. Things you do separately you can talk about later.”

And there’s plenty of opportunity for talk.

Guests stay in handsome Mexican colonial-style villas that are unplugged from the outside world — with no TVs or Wi-Fi. Cellphone use is restricted to a pair of booths in the guests’ lounge.

“If you share a room with no Internet access and no TV, you end up with real quality time together,” said Deborah Szekely, who founded the Ranch with her late husband, Hungarian professor Edmond Szekely, in 1940.

Deborah Szekely, who turned 91 earlier this month and is far from slowing down, meets with Ranch guests most Monday evenings. Her daughter, Sarah Livia Brightwood, is Ranch president and handles day-to-day operations.

“The beautiful thing about the place is that there’s nothing to do when you go back to your room but read and talk and sit together on your totally serene patio,” said Jan Percival, a San Diegan who first visited the Ranch with her mother, Camilla Percival, in 1983.

“From then on, we went every year on her birthday,” Jan said. “It became a huge highlight of our lives and our relationship — a full week together with no distractions. It was an amazing gift, a retreat that could never happen in the real world.”

Signs point to opportunities for tuning up body and soul.
Alison DaRosa

“She did her thing and I did mine. We were together at meals and in the evenings,” Jan said. “We never heard a phone, a TV. We could really focus on the moment, the beauty, who we were with. It was just like with my mom.”

Charlotte Sorenson, 73, first visited the Ranch with her mother 27 years ago. Now she visits with her daughter, Kristin Sorenson, who’s 50.

Their first visit together was four years ago, when each thought she was riding to the rescue of the other.

“Kristin had just taken a stressful new job,” said Mom. “She had two young kids, was living in Manhattan, commuting to work two hours each way. She had no balance in her life; she desperately needed this.”

Kristin’s view: “The reason I felt justified in coming was my mother was recovering from cancer. It was a very poignant time for her. This would be therapeutic. She needed it.”

Mother, who lives in Boulder, Colo., and her New York daughter met at the Ranch, each to take care of the other. They did just that, and by osmosis, took care of themselves. They’ve been doing it every year since.

“I don’t want to come back with anyone else,” said Kristin. “She’s my closest friend. We are so simpatico. We just enjoy it so much.”

Guests typically start their days with a hike. Like classes, treks are offered for a range of fitness levels.

“We each do our own thing,” said Kristin, who enjoys hiking out front, alone, savoring the serenity of the early morning.

But during the day, it was easy to spot mother and daughter Sorenson together — laughing at themselves in a strip tease dance class, sunbathing at the women’s health center, sitting together on a weathered wooden swing, deep in conversation.

Sandy Medallis, 58, who was with her daughter, Sally McGrath, 18, said they were spending more class time together than they’d expected. Mom, who lives in Longboat Key, Fla., and daughter, who will be attending Harvard in the fall, agreed they were having a blast sweating together, then savoring the tranquillity of the place. “We’re having a terrific time,” said Mom, “and would certainly visit together again.”

Some mother/daughter pairs admit they began their Rancho La Puerta week with a bit of trepidation.

“For the past six weeks, Julia’s been shaking in her boots, worrying about spending a week with her mother,” said Jill Weinberg, 57.

Julia added: “We’re having a wonderful time; our whole family is shocked.”

Dorie Smith, from Lafayette in Northern California, acknowledged she had to do some slick negotiating to get her daughters to join her at the Ranch. The sisters said finding time in their hectic schedules for the getaway was monumental, but added they were leery of pushing the bonding envelope too far. Instead of the usual weeklong stay, they agreed to join mom for four days.

“I thought we’d be bored,” confessed Sierra Higgens, Dorie’s oldest daughter. “I stand corrected. It’s been great. I wish we were going to be here for the week.”

Added middle daughter, Tracey Millham: “Would I do this again? In a heartbeat — if mom will take us.”

Said Kelley Daly, the youngest daughter: “Last night, when we snuck over to the hot tub with our wine, it was so much fun. We talked and talked, the longest talks we’ve had in years. It’s been like that every night — the slumber party effect kicks in.”

Of course, it’s not just about talking. It’s about listening, too. It’s about seeing each other in a different light, about shedding roles to really appreciate the extraordinary individual who just happens to be your mother — or your daughter.

Earlier this year, my daughter, Kim DaRosa, and I visited the Ranch together for the first time. Neither of us wanted the week to end.

My heart brimmed with love and pride as I watched her interact with other ranch guests. So vibrant, smart, happy — and always empathetic, understanding, eager to nurture. Finally Kim had time to nurture herself.

“Being here brings back so many warm memories of childhood, when it was just the two of us: no husbands, no kids, no work deadlines, no juggling responsibilities — just the two of us off playing together,” my daughter said. “It’s been 30 years since we’ve had that.”

She added: “If I could change one thing about this place, I’d make it so there are 30 hours in a day, 10 days in the week.”

All during our week, we delighted in having the time and space to play — to be good to ourselves, to pamper our bodies with healthy food, lots of exercise, massages and aromatherapy wraps. We relished our “stress-free cocoon,” as Kim called it, and in the end, both loved that we could confirm something we’d probably known all along, but hadn’t taken much time to think about: that each of us is the kind of woman we’d have chosen for a best friend, even if we weren’t mother and daughter.

If you go

What: Rancho La Puerta

Getting there: Because The Ranch is in Mexico, just across the border, you’ll need a passport to visit. Round-trip bus transportation is provided from Lindbergh Field.

Staying there: Weekly rates range from $2,800 to $4,700 per person, depending on season, room type and number of occupants in the room. Get 20 percent off by booking 9-12 months in advance, 15 percent off by booking 6-8 months in advance.