So a commonly asked question that no one has ever asked me is, “How much time do you spend working on Flush Twice?”

And honestly, it varies. If I have enough jokes in my e-mail, then it’s pretty much a snap. I copy/paste the jokes into the queue, along with some editing to correct spelling, grammar, and fix any other errors that one typically finds in the copypasta. It’s just a mere five jokes a week, so I like to get it all done in an evening. Takes about an hour or two if things are going well.

These rants are just like any other “twittube” or “facespace” post that people make. I just type whatever nonsense comes off the top of my head. Other than ensuring that spelling, grammar, and paragraphing is adhered to, I make no claims that you’re reading the Journals’ of Ernest Hemingway. In fact, if you’re reading this, you’re probably more bored than I am and need to find a better hobby. All in all, it’s about an hour’s worth of my time, because I really don’t rush it, and there are frequent breaks and digressions.

The amount of time I spend on the comic is the real wildcard. Some weeks I spend a lot of time trying new stuff, while others I just quickly toss it together because I’m really not feeling it. Interestingly, the comic you see, and the stuff I’m working on, are not necessarily connected. The panels I publish are based on tried and true techniques that I feel comfortable using. Occasionally I might create something that looks really cool, but if creating it is very tedious or I’m just not able to consistently create that kind of work, then I’m not going to post it. A lot of really interesting (and sometimes disturbing) stuff ends up on the cutting room floor.

So there you have it. Jokes and rants take two to three hours a week, but the comic itself could be anywhere from 15 minutes to ten hours of time spent each week.

Pax,

-f2x

PS:I also just wanted to add that the tomatoes have finally ripened, and I’ve been enjoying the most delicious tomato sandwiches. Here’s the recipe:

Pick ripe tomato off of your tomato plant.

Put 2 slices of bread in toaster.

Slice tomato.

When bread pops up, spread on Miracle Whip (or mayo).

Add tomato slices and smash together.

Enjoy.

I suppose you could add bacon to this sandwich if you wanted to, but honestly they are so juicy and delicious by themselves, it’s almost a shame to mess with it.

Also, I wanted to touch on what makes a home grown tomato so much better than any store bought:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?”

The Princess immediately said, “No!”

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to “gentlemen’s clubs” and dated ladies half his age, and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching, and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders, and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin’ cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?'”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?”

Pathos in the Plumbing

Flush Twice proudly presents:

Sunday’s Rant

So last week I got a call from work. They wanted me back on first shift, and they had already let the last remaining 3rd shift temp go. To be honest, I was relieved. I had had enough, and was eager to return to days.

Don't get me wrong. I actually enjoy working 3rd shift, but this time it was different. It wasn't like it used to be. I couldn't just go in, do my job, and go home. I had to deal with a whole bunch of random chaos every night.

So what's it like now that I'm back on 1st? Well, it's basically still chaos, but at least there are other people I know and trust to help me through it.

Kudos

Some of the daily jokes were provided by George, but a couple were left in the queue by an anonymous donor. Thanks goes out to George and whoever the mystery contributor is. It means a lot. If anyone else would like to add jokes to the site, you can do so on our submission page, or send an email to flush2x@gmail.com.

GET THE PLUNGER!

What is Flush Twice?

Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic in the sidebar that updates every Saturday. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.

Jokes are generously provided by visitors like yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail flush2x@gmail.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!

So what makes a joke funny? Well, it boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.

Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.