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Fleeing Gaddafi fails to evade chugger

Reports from Tripoli suggest that fugitive Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, after eluding the entire rebel forces, has finally been tracked down by an English charity collector called Geoff.

Geoff, 18, was working as a street fundraiser for Mencap to finance a gap year in Bali. The charity has been forced by chugger overcrowding to widen its area of collection, which is how Geoff found himself soliciting direct debit payments from citizens of the desert city of Bani Walid, 95 miles south-east of Tripoli.

‘I could see he was trying to hide,’ explained Geoff. ‘As soon as I made eye contact he looked around wildly before pretending to be on the phone.’ Geoff then used the tactic of pretending to be approaching someone else, and switched to the fallen dictator at the last second. ‘Despite all the atrocities committed by his regime, not even Colonel Gaddafi could be so rude as to completely ignore me’ reported Geoff. ‘And the script is carefully scripted to keep you talking even if you are really keen to get away as he seemed to be.’

Gaddafi tried the classic move of offering a one-off donation, but this was rebutted by Geoff who explained that he wasn’t allowed to take cash. Before Gaddafi could escape he was signing up for monthly payments, which immediately alerted rebel security forces.

Gaddafi had successfully evaded the rebel forces of the Libyan rebels, as well as the air attacks of NATO forces, but it turned out that trying to avoid a charity canvasser with a clipboard was too much to expect. Gaddafi now awaits trial in a military prison, and the first monthly payment is being flown out to Libya today.