Dating Your Best Friend

Doc Love: Escaping The Friend Zone

Your first mistake was falling for a friend. Your friend should fall for you instead.

You and Ashley might know each other better than anyone else in the whole world, but don’t forget for a second that you are in friendship mode. To you psych majors, the friendship mode is not the dating mode. It might be the dating mode in your mind, but it’s not in hers, and that’s what’s important. In other words, you’re Ashley’s girlfriend. Not boyfriend — girlfriend. The problem with being best friends with a girl is that one of the hardest things to do in life is to transition from best friend to boyfriend. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “The odds are 1 in 100, baby.”

You should never have discussed your feelings for Ashley, pal. I see that you don’t have “The System” — otherwise you wouldn’t have made such a basic blunder.

But you insist that Ashley feels the same way as you do. Really, Simmons? If she isn’t ready for a long-term commitment, then she doesn’t feel the same way about you. You should have stopped hanging out with her when she told you that.

Ashley didn’t start acting differently when she took up with this other guy. She was just following her true romantic Interest Level in you, not her friendship level. You have the two mixed up.

But you told Ashley that you couldn’t wait forever for her. So you’re giving a girl who’s seeing another guy an ultimatum? This really makes a lot of sense, Simmons! If she cared about you more than this other guy, she wouldn’t be seeing him at all. But she swears that she doesn’t want to ruin your relationship by dating. Like my cousin General Love says, “Gosh, and I thought politicians knew how to lie!”

This other guy isn’t your problem, dude. The problem is that Ashley has a low Interest Level in you as a boyfriend. And that’s what you don’t seem to grasp. And you don’t grasp it because you’re friends with Ashley. You keep getting the two — friend and boyfriend — confused.

But Ashley continues to tell you that she loves you and cares about you. Simmons, when a girl loves and cares about you, she doesn’t see other guys behind your back. And, by the way, this girl is very loyal, in case you haven’t noticed.

Sure, you and Ashley will end up together for a long time at some point — like, maybe in the year 2054. That being said, it’s true that she’s your best friend, and that’s all she’ll ever be. Sadly, Simmons, you’ll never be able to handle it with her.

What should you do? Face reality and stop seeing Ashley.

Remember, guys: to go from a friendship to romantic love is nearly impossible.