Thursday, August 18, 2011

New Rules: You Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote If...

1. If you pronounce "Constitution" with extra vowels while simultaneously looking like Ted Nugent.
2. If you have ever ridden a lawnmower to check your mail.
3. If you have ever, at one time in your life, eaten microwaved Walmart turkey during Thanksgiving while having a mullet.
4. If you think the National Anthem should be "Dueling Banjos."
5. If you think your God's cock is bigger than everyone else's.
6. If you have ever called someone "a Jihad."
7. If you fail to believe in adverbs.
8. If you call the word evolution "evilution."
9. If your idea of healthcare is to marry a Canadian.
10. If you call a non-white friend your [insert ethnicity/group here] friend.
11. If you think Jesus loves you while simultaneously sharing your hatred for homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
12. If the only gay club you approve of is a baton.
13. If you have ever flogged hobos with a 2 x 4.
14. If you've ever complained about liberal bias in the obituaries section.
15. If you think smeared bagels are victims of the New York Times.
16. If you think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
17. If you believe Huey Newton is a cookie.
18. If you have ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't contribute to society.
19. If you argue that you need 300 machine guns in case a bear attacks your home.
20. If you have ever spotted Jesus in a 3 week old container of yogurt.

*Note* - This post is purely for humor purposes. I do believe in equal expression of opinions, just in case that argument were to ever come up...