Taking a page from a negotiation strategy playbook that no one has seen before, Charlie Sheen is asking for a hefty pay raise to return to Two and a Half Men — this following a series of interviews during which he, among many colorful utterances, said he “vehemently” hates series boss Chuck Lorre.

Touting himself as a “man of my word” (as well as a “total rock star from Mars”), Sheen said he would oblige his contract to deliver a ninth — and even 10th — season of Two and a Half Men under one condition: that “because of psychological stress… what they’ve put me through,” his weekly paycheck is increased by some 50 percent. ”It’s three mil an episode,” Sheen told Today. “Take it or leave it.”

“Defeat is not an option,” the self-made motivational speaker added.

As part of his very special approach to sweetening the deal (?), Sheen says his bosses at CBS “owe me a big [apology] — publicly — while licking my feet.” (Though, doesn’t he have porn star pals who fulfll that service…?)

Defending his hardline stance — as he has argued, Lorre and CBS had no right to pull the plug on Men‘s current season, since Sheen declared himself ready to work weeks ago — the actor said, “They picked a fight with a warlock.”