GUEST COLUMNIST: Does an apology mean anything anymore?

By Chris Komisarjevsky

Sunday

Feb 17, 2013 at 12:01 AM

Lance Armstrong is a thief of the tragic kind. It’s bad enough to stoop so low as to steal a trophy, a prize, a yellow jersey or a bronze Olympic medal from others who rightfully earned them. But it is another thing altogether, year after year, to steal the truth from those who had the courage to share what they knew by beating them down with tactics worthy of a modern-day Attila the Hun.

Lance Armstrong is a thief of the tragic kind. It’s bad enough to stoop so low as to steal a trophy, a prize, a yellow jersey or a bronze Olympic medal from others who rightfully earned them. But it is another thing altogether, year after year, to steal the truth from those who had the courage to share what they knew by beating them down with tactics worthy of a modern-day Attila the Hun.If the ruthless Hun were alive today, he might well have abandoned the scimitar for some of our more modern-day psychological weapons designed to bully, intimidate, sue, threaten, humiliate and prosecute those who were courageous enough to speak the truth and expose him for what he was.All of this is part of a very sad tale. With the passing of time since his two-part, exclusive “confession” to Oprah Winfrey, some hoped that there would be more balance to how he was viewed, but that’s not been the case.Did Lance help resurrect his reputation by appearing on camera? Absolutely not.Did he build a platform for what he calls “his return”? No. In fact, he did the opposite. In spite of one possibly teary moment when he talked about having deceived even his son, the calculating Lance came through, just like he has in everything else he has done.What he did, though, is to provide us with some things to think about.First, he gives us what could well go down in history as “Two Lessons from Lance.” One, liars will always be caught. It’s never a question of “if” they are caught, but simply “when.” And two, even the most ruthless will face a fall and be disgraced.Second, he forces us to ask the question: “Does ‘sorry’ mean anything anymore?”It is common thinking, and history bears it out, that most of us will forgive if we hear an apology. It is also common thinking that we love the comeback kid.But it’s not that simple. Going through the motion of an apology doesn’t work. Neither does waiting until you have no other choice.Allegations of doping had been around for years. Test results were there. Even if he didn’t want to believe it, this day was bound to come. Real courage would have dictated that he speak out much sooner. And with that kind of courage, there could have been at least a chance that people would believe his “I am sorry” — that it meant something and could possibly pave the way for forgiveness and a new start.Lance Armstrong will deal with this forever. It is in those quiet moments, alone by himself, “lay’n around” and staring at all those yellow jerseys as he said in his now-famous tweet, that he has to face the impact of his own actions. It is amazing how, in life, things come full circle.But the greater pain is for others, such as his children, his former wife, his girlfriend, his Mom, the Livestrong Foundation, his sponsors, the dedicated cycling community, and those who did stick by him. Some others did cut their ties in an effort to save themselves from the disgrace and humiliation of having believed, even when the truth had been staring them in the face the whole time.Worse yet, there is also the damage to those — especially the young — who wanted to be just like the Lance they thought he was. Hopefully, they will not lose their ambition to compete, whatever their sport or their passion, or their desire to win. But it can’t be at any cost, nor at the cost of others. None of us have that right.While Lance’s apology fell flat in the wake of his actions, for the rest of us — mere mortals, who make human mistakes of a reasonable kind and genuinely try to do better — “I am sorry” can be the most powerful three words we have to use. We simply need to use them well and with courage.I am reminded of what many parents still tell their kids: “Breaking that window with the ball is OK. Those things happen. But not apologizing, together with not offering to pay for a new one, simply isn’t.”

Chris Komisarjevsky is a former professor at Boston University, a retired worldwide chief executive of Burson-Marsteller, the global public relations firm, and the author of the new book, “The Power of Reputation.”

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