Tag Archive for One Big Happy

Friday, December 07, 2012 5:40 PM I need a receipt (not a copy of your check, a receipt from the school showing the charges) for the “required” fees for marching band. [Translation: You’re a “liar.”] I will only be paying for the required marching band classes. Winter guard is not required for P.E. credit (I checked with the school and…

Don’t ever get married with children because divorce is completely fucked up, volume 999 August Ex: I want another day, so I can have 8 hours (Weds. and another) with my kid during the week and 7 on the weekend. But not Fridays. Or Saturdays. Me: OK – you’re mom after all. That works out to 55 days a year…

Eight and a half years ago, I started this den of loons. I had had web pages over the years before, but there was this new, stupidly named thing called a blog, and I thought, “what the fuck?” I needed a place to dump my brain. I needed a place with more permanence than Facebook and other yet-to-be-invented bullshit. And,…

Sorry. No names, to protect my ass from getting sanctioned. It goes a little bit like this: August 2005: Me: This “marriage” is a fail. Sorry. So long and thanks for all the fish. Her: I’ll take the kids and your check. You keep the house because it costs more. You keep the critters, because they cost more. And require…

A million years ago, my Hyundai was a piece of shit, and the wife wanted a minivan. A $27,000 7 passenger minivan. Why that one? Because the second row had built in booster seats. Any van could have managed the soccer mom, grocery getter jobs, but we needed a palatial stretch with painted bumpers and a useless spoiler in order to get the bucket seats that folded down into boosters, so that kid 2 didn’t need a separate booster seat.

(Yes, I went along with this bullshit. Mea culpa. I didn’t do the math and I hoped to get laid out of the deal.

Wife: I hate this car – it’s old.Wife: We could get a minivan.Wife: Here’s a minivan with built in booster seats so Kid # 2 doesn’t inconvenience us with moving the booster from one car to the other. It’s only $10,000 more than the base model and only $15,000 more than a year old used one.Car Salesman: You can lease it for three years @ $479 a month!Wife: Yay!Me: *maybe I’ll get laid out of this*