For mothers who have buried their children

By Zaheerah Bham-Ismail. Navigating my way through motherhood with three beautiful teachers! Speech, Language Therapist & Audiologist, Community Worker, Host of Itrend on Itv

With mothers day coming up, I cant help but think more about those who have buried their mums and those mums who have buried their children. Just a short few months ago, we buried my sister. She left behind two gorgeous little boys for whom Mothers Day and every other day will always feel a little empty.

I have read that when someone buries their parents they are called an orphan, when someone buries their spouse they are called a widow but for those who bury their children, there is no term. I think that no word or termcould adequately describe this loss and do justice to the depth of what it does to your soul and to your being.

I look at my mum everyday and despite her smile and her strength for us, I see her eyes. I see the years she holds onto ..the years that gave her dreams for her child. I see the unconditional love that still continues to show even without the physical presence of the child. I see strength that keeps holding a family together. I see the love that she ensures the rest of us feel. I see perseverance that makes her get up the next day to do it all over again.

To my mum and all those that have lost their children along this journey… I see you. My soul tears when I see you smile as I know how much it takes from you. You are the mothers that give us hope. You are the mothers that teach us all that we should be for our kids. You are the mothers who have taught us that every moment is a valuable one, that every moment is a cherished one and that every moment is one we only get to hold on to in our memories going forward.

I see your bruises…but I can never feel them nor will I ever minimise your pain by saying I understand. I know we will never be able to take away the emptiness …but I will hold your hand through it. I will stand by quietly for as long as you need me to. I will try and make you smile and make you laugh especially on those days when you feel you no longer can.I will hold your hand a little tighter when you see their friends and others their age and I will be there when it all falls apart.

So on this mothers day I wish you my mum and to all the mums that have lost a beloved child a warm mothers day..surrounded by the comfort of your memories and the sunshine of your love.

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11 Comments

Yasmeen Bhamjee Moosa on May 8, 2017 at 6:06 pm

Heart wrenching and a wonderful way to articulate your feelings for your amazing mum. She truly is building a legacy and your sister was testament and I have no doubt you will be too. We never know the path that we will be led down, but o have faith that there will always be someone to see me💖

Thank you for this post, yes nothing can ever be more painful to a soul, then burying your child. Amidst our smiles and day to day activities, a moment does not go by without inwardly thinking of them. A part of your souls dims away as you see your child being buried. Yes when it’s any celebration the yearning heightens, despite our full acceptance of the Almighty creators decision to recal them.

I don’t think there is a greater test than burying a child. The only comfort is the thought of the unfathomable reward in the hereafter for such heroes. Allah knows best and will never test us more than we can bear.

Beautiful read zaheerah Your mum is a true warrior and inspiration to all of us I would love to take this opportunity to salute her and the many other mums like her for being beacons of strength to us all. There ongoing battles and resilience and the manner in which they still smile at the world are lessons we certainly need to learn. They are the true leaders of the world Ayesha Gorie luv u lots Words fail to describe the inspiration you are to those who know and luv you You are one of those rare people who’s inner beauty shines even more on that already gorgeous exterior Big hugz

Beautiful post indeed. May Allah give ur mum strength during this difficult time. I’ve been there 19 years ago,and believe me its not easy.But knowing our reward is with Allah gives me so much sabr. Jzkl Saads for tagging me.

Thank you Zaheerah, how do you even enjoy Mother’s day as a mother when you’re grieving your own mother’s passing. I lost my mom last year on mother’s day, I feel it’s not fair for my own child not to look forward to the day but I’m in pain how do I enjoy it without losing myself

Ya Rabb, Algamdulillah Allah knows best. We accept but the pain isn’t easy. May Allah SWT grant sabr and ease the pains of all parents who have buried a child. Also ease to their spouse and siblings. May Allah SWT grant them all Jannatul Firdoz and be satisfied and forgive them their shortcomings, inshaa Allah Ameen Thuma Ameen

Thank you so much for this wonderful piece having only lost my only child aged 35 years 10 agonising months ago . This Mother’s Day will be even harder as I lost my Mother 6 months before my child . Thank you for the comfort and understanding of these words .God’s .Blessings to you and your family

Thanks for this amazing article, Zaheera. We lost our daughter 15 years ago, and having someone standing alongside us- silently or not – is the most wonderful gift you can give a grieving mom. Your mom is so lucky to have you as a daughter, who is understanding of the complexities of the mourning process. Well done to you!