One of the things my grief group has talked about is setting expectations. Writing a letter to your family, friends and co-workers explaining how you feel and how you expect to be treated. If it were me, I would have wanted her to tell me prior to being caught in a meeting with it. She should have approached you privately and given you a chance to absorb the information and let you feel.

Lee Ann, what an awful situation for you to have been in...I am so sorry. As far as you reacting as you did, how could you not have? I have been in those types of sitations too, and I have also walked away and have had my share of meltdowns. Sometimes people are insensitive, some just honestly don't get it, some try to hard to help. Unfortunately, we are left to dodge the comments and situations and then have to find a way to recover from them. It's important to remember to be gentle with yourself. There are no right or wrongs. Please know that my thoughts are with you and I hope that tomorrow is an easier day for you. (((HUGS)))

Thank you Rosemary. Today was a little better, but I still feel like I am recovery from that event. I just wished that somebody would have given me a "heads up" about the news. That way I could have maybe come in a little later or tried to brace myself for the news. Something! The one thing I was thinking was that I work with a caring group of individuals (nurses to be exact), but sometimes they are just so Clueless! I think you are right to say that some people just don't get it.

I was thrown into a similar situation- I switched teaching jobs in the middle of the school year after our loss. My new/old job (a job I had left and went back to) put me at a center working with a teacher who was 8 months pregnant and didn't even let me know until they casually mentioned it my first day when I was filling out paperwork. If DH hadn't lost his job the next day, I probably would have quit again. She was due in February, my due date was supposed to be January, and working with her SUCKED. I was trapped in one room with her all day, she whined to me about how much she hated being pregnant, how she was so tired of going to the doctor (only once a month), and it took everything in me not to either break down or punch her in the face, because it just killed me. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know. (But my bosses did and they shouldn't have put me there without any warning.) Thankfully she had her baby last week and she probably won't be back this school year. But then we have 3 pregnant teenagers and about 30 teen parents. (I work at an alternative school.) My best friend had her baby a couple weeks ago- we got pregnant a month apart.

It's just hard. Everything about this is hard.

quote:Everywhere I go there is talk of babies and I constantly see babies. I have never noticed them so much before in my life! Did I do the right thing by leaving? I feel embarrassed that it bothered me as much as it did or I should say, that I am really embarrassed that my coworkers witnessed my reaction. Honestly, I didn't think it would bother me as much as it did, but it seemed my mind went back to when I announced my pregnancy to the group, which wasn't that long ago. It just made me extremely sad. I started going through all the emotions of loosing my daughter again and everthing that happened before and after her birth. What if I can't have any more children? I am just so exhausted. Some days, I just dont know how I even make it through and today is one of them. Thank you for listening.

You absolutely did the right thing by leaving. Do whatever you need to do, for you. I understand being embarrassed, but I've decided I don't really care what other people think. They haven't been in your shoes. There's no rule book on how to act. Do what feels right to you.

I am just glad that there are people who truly do understand what I am going through. I was thinking today...is this just some kind of cruel joke life is playing on me? I know it's not.... but it sure does feel like it sometimes. Life can really throw some hard knocks. I just feel like throwing my hands up. I just keep thinking Really? What are the odds? I now have to watch my co-workers belly grow while constantly being reminded of my loss. Honestly, this situation only makes the grieving process that much harder for me. If I could take some time off I would. I probably should have when Olivia passed away. I think it's really starting to take it's toll on me. I just don't know what to do sometimes. I need my job benefits because I carry our insurance and we can't be without it. I just feel like I don't have the energy to do this again this semester. I just don't feel like it.

Oh I am so sorry you had to go through that. I would have been wanted to got a heads up as well. I can't seem to get away from babies either. Yet they are everywhere. Espeically when I go to the mall, its babies day out a lot on the weekend and I can't help but think that hsould be me pushing a stroller. One of my friends she lost her daughter at 20.21 weeks went into early labor and just lost her little girl. I had my daughter Naomi the same month hers past away even though I wasn't due til 3 months later. And well Naomi isn't here anymore and maybe 2 months ago my same friend annoucned to me on text out of the blue "im pregnant". My stomach just turned. I was upset. Yet happy for her. Its not easy I know. And my friends they invite me to little girls birthday parites like age 1 or 2. I think the nerve of them, yet they just don't know. I tell them im sorry im not ready its only been 7 months since Naomi has been gone. Im not strong enough. Yet I sometimes think can I try it but I don't wanna put myself in that situation and upset the whole party. Its hard. Im so sorry, I hope you have better days ahead.

I just wanted to tell you that I am very sorry for your loss and I relate to what you're saying about making it through the day. Sometimes, when I look back on those first weeks and months of grieving - sometimes even now - I think and am amazed that I get out of bed and go to work and interact with the world and live. I don't know how I did it - how any of us do it. I mean, I know how and I can tell you what I did, but part of me still can't fathom what we've been through. When the grief catches up with me - or when I'm just tired of it - I have this image in my mind of what I felt like - what I feel like I want to do - this image of myself just lying down on the ground. Just falling down. Being on the floor. Limp. Lifeless. Laying there. Surrendered. Just letting it all wash over me and not doing anything about it. It is so tiring. Grieving. And going on with life. It is a lot of hard work. Please do your best to spend time being good to yourself, resting, eating well, gentle exercise and just do what feels right for you.

I posted this elsewhere but I should have posted it here. My co-worker had her baby a few wks ago. I am happy for her but sad as well. It's a feeling I can't really describe. Now I have to look happy (not sad) when I see her and the baby. It's harder than one thinks (to look all happy) when inside your saddneded and even jealous because you didn't get the happy ending that she did. I have another friend who had triplets through IVF. She's asked me to come over and meet them, but I keep making excuses that i am busy or have a cold. I know it's terrible but I don't want to be reminded of what I have lost. I know what I have lost without being face-to-face with with it.

I have a coworker who is due just a few weeks after I was (supposed to be) due. I know when we have her shower and when she has her baby those will be VERY difficult days for me. Lots of fake smiling covering up pain inside.