Thursday, November 23, 2006

A Modest Proposal

Okay, I forgot one thing about Thanksgiving I've always liked: the Macy's parade.

Yes, I know. It's nothing but a gigantic ambulatory commercial for toy companies and for the corporate behemoth that sponsors it. However, when I was kid it was a chance to see New York City (where I dreamed of living some day) and one of my two chances to see numbers from whatever was running on Broadway. I was a mild-mannered little boy, but you did not get between me and the television set on Thanksgiving morning or Tony Awards night.

I still watch it, half from nostalgia and half out of genuine interest. Because between the crappy pop music acts and commericals you get local high school bands, and those Azalea women from down South who dress as toilet tissue covers, and the kids who for one reason or another get to ride on the floats. I like to think of families all over the country sitting and waiting for a loved one to pop onto the screen for two seconds, so they can scream "There she is! There she is!" and dine out on the taste of celebrity for an entire year.

One thing lacking, though, is knitting content. This thing is supposed to kick off the holiday season, and what group is more hypersensitive to the approach of the holidays than knitters? This morning you could hear the collective gasp reverberate across the time zones as knitters awoke and suddenly realized what's facing them in the coming weeks.

Not all of us celebrate Chrismahannukwanzawalisolstice, of course, but enough of us do that we should be represented. Our yarn and needles represent the season far more strongly than Hall and Oates, for heaven's sake, and Macy's gave them a slot in the line-up.

While assembling the relish trays I've been brainstorming. Here are a few things I think would make a fine start toward redressing the imbalance. Feel free to add your own ideas, and maybe we can build up enough mass to shake things up next year.

Five hundred synchronized knitters in spangly costumes, marching and working fair isle in unison.

An animated float, sponsored by Schacht, featuring fifty lucky knitters (one from each state) riding round and round on a giant Matchless while Raven Symone lip-synchs to "Carol of the Bells."

The cast of Sesame Street dancing down Broadway on a float celebrating the release of the new movie Elmo in Unfinishedobjectland.

A 100-foot-tall Elizabeth Zimmermann helium balloon.

Of course, if we're going to make this happen we need star power either at Macy's or NBC. Does anybody know if that nice Meredith Viera knits?

Instead of - or perhaps accompanying - the EZ balloon should be knitters knitting while riding on motorcycles behind aran sweater wearing drivers ala EZ herself. I don't know if Meredith Viera knits but I watched as Matt totally dissed Tracy Ulmann AND the handknit tie she presented to him while promoting her knitting book. I'd knit him an I-cord noose.

I love the idea. We could all make a really cool float. Of course, if we do it, the stitchers will want a float, and then the quilters will crash the parade with the most perfectly designed and color-coordinated float. *sigh* We should probably invite them now before needles and barbs start flying. ;-)

Building on lauriem's suggestion... I think Dolores in a big, hay-filled conveyance with a stage and the boys from the Lucky Horseshoe would probably be more her style. Lucky knitters who won a drawing could be the audience on said conveyance, all madly knitting away. (We might have to turn up the music so the comments wouldn't reach the crowd. Kids will be present, after all.) Although considering the weather, the poor guys might have to be putting knit items on to prevent damage to important bits. Darn! No, wait...Dolores could cuddle up to any who got cold. Urk. I think my eyeballs just exploded at that vision.

But it'd sure do something to get rid of the erroneous idea that knitting is the primary occupation of sweet grandmotherly types, wouldn't it? ::innocent look::

We watched "Babe" after lunch, and admired the sheep obedience scenes. Surely there is room in the parade for the Kilgore College Sheep-ettes drill team or some such. Dolores? Get on that for next year, sweetie.

Neal Patrick Harris cracked me up on CBS's coverage. He is definitely comfortable with being out.

I'd have to knit a turkey that would be the bandleader as the cheerleaders do "The Turkey Trot"...btw, my hubby watched the Macy's parade as a young boy with his uncle and he rode up an elevator with some of the Radio City girls, he still reminds they were in costume and as a seven year old he suddenly knew what his hormones were all about!

Let's put the sock yarn in the spangly costumes. It would be much easier to make them in a 50g size rather than an average knitter's size. I'd rather ride on the hay wagon float with the Mongolians anyway.

I don't know, I have this vision of marching knitters (like a marching band) parading through the streets, chanting Knit 1 Purl 2. Then there is a commotion, no one knows what is happening, but fear shockwaves through the streets. Oh no! In all the excitement an overzealous sock knitter looses her grip on her Addi DPN as it rockets through the air popping 3 balloons. Chaos in sues. Oh the Horror!

If they won't immortalize EZ in an enormous helium wonder (or even one of those robot balloons they had) a ball of yarn and needles would be fitting to accompany the band of clicking knitters. We could get quite a rhythm going, for sure.

I hadn't knit in months, but I started my new project during the parade. I insisted that we order room service for breakfast so that we wouldn't have to miss a minute of the parade. What a glorious morning that was! Heck, there is definitely something to be said for spending Thanksgiving at a resort. None of that 'spending the day in the hot kitchen' stuff. And we didn't have to wash a single dish. Glorious!

Franklin, I listened to "Cast-On" yesterday and LOVED your essay. I've disliked this time of year ever since I was a little kid. I just have no energy to deal with all the hoo haw. . .and it all seems so empty anyway. I'm also irritated by how the Christians have co-opted a perfectly good pagan holiday. Whatever. I loved hearing that I'm not alone in my feelings. -e

I could swear that long, long ago, one of the stock clown sets that accompanies the balloons included store employees dressed as a couple of balls of yarn, a couple of kittens, and some mice carrying long knitting needles with two mice per giant needle. Like back in the days of black and white TV (she said dating herself).

If not EZ then a giant pair of Boye knitting needles taking aim at Mickey Mouse. Leading the balloon is a drill and flag team with needle twirlers and flags displaying different lace and texture patterns. Following the balloon will be a float entirely made of needle felted batts sculpted into intricately patterned fair-isle sweaters in a mountain. Atop the mountain, reclining on a velvet sofa, is Dolores in full glory being fed bonbons by Norwegian sweater-clad enraptured youths.

OMG, Hall and Oates are still alive?! I had all of their albums when I was a tween, absolutely all of them. (One of my friends told me that that fact alone is proof that I was going to grow up to be a fag hag. Snort!)

Copyright and Posting Notice

All original content of this blog, both words and images, is held in copyright by F. Habit. Use of any kind, in any medium, for any reason without express, prior written consent is prohibited.

Permission is not granted for the posting of any content from this site to Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, or any other Web site.

Please do not provide links to any product, service, organization or cause when leaving comments unless directly related to the topic of the post. Unsolicited advertising will be deleted and repeat offenders will be blocked.

When in doubt, please ask. I'm not mean, I'm just committed to preserving the quality of experience for my readers.