What will happen when Mars attacks

The Prime Minister will pledge that all the guilty would be brought to justice.

The Guardian will worry about Martianphobia, and point out that destroying the White House was an untypical act by a basically friendly group of people. We should not judge the many by the actions of a few.

The Daily Mail will ask what the security services knew about the Martians beforehand – and did they try to recruit them ?

A retired general will write to the Times blaming defence cuts

George Galloway will say we deserve to be attacked because of all the unprovoked and aggressive Martian probes we have sent to their planet.

A soft-spoken vicar will weave it in to Radio 4’s Thought For The Day, saying that the victims are in our thoughts and prayers, but indicating that we are all, in a very real sense, Martians.

The Iranians will ask them to Tehran for talks.

An internet group will say it is all a set-up job by the American government. Or the Jews. Or it was created in a film studio and really didn’t happen at all.

The Daily Express will claim they were driving a battered Fiat Uno in a Paris underpass

The Sun (via Tracey, 19, from Doncaster) will blame the Human Rights Act

UKIP, conscious that another planet is abroad somewhere, but unclear exactly where, will blame the EU for the lax immigration control that let the Martians in.