A Happy Mess That is Truly Blessed

When life gets to hard to stand..

This week has been hard! My goodness how much can one person take. Let me give a little back story. I’ve learned time and time again that as soon as I get super close to God Satan comes in and tries to screw things up. When me and Kyle became missionaries about a month later nearly all of our savings was stolen from us. I can’t remember to many details about that day but I knew it was Satan trying his hardest to get to us. Since then it has been little things here and there. Unfortunately lately, I have not been the greatest wife. I have turned to anger so easily and have turned really good days with my husband into tension filled horrible days and for that I feel awful. Kyle, if your reading this I am so so sorry for those days. We did have a really nice talk the other day where I told Kyle that it feels like some days, some situations I have a good Angel and a bad one on each shoulder and I’ve gone towards the bad one since it was easier. Ya know “get mad at Kyle because his shoes were in the middle of he floor again” “get mad at Kyle because he is helping at church instead of helping you” honestly really ridiculous stuff that I am so embarrassed about. Lately, I’ve been trying to be a more intentional wife. I’ve been trying to do my daily house cleaning (even the ones I hate) with a servant attitude because I know that is something that is helpful to my husband, who by the way works his butt off outside of the house so I can be home with Hannah.

Any way back to this week, I’ve been trying my hardest to be this intentional wife, and an intentional mom and bam like right on cue satan hits. I’m doing my best to serve my husband, and daughter the best I can and I hit a brick wall where I need to make a decision. Well I chose Gods side and I’m feeling the effects of Satan. I was in urgent care a week ago with a minor issue that isn’t entirely fixed, my daughter has hit the terrible twos early (and boy are they terrible) and now my dog has fleas that I just can’t get rid of. On Monday everything hit hard and I truely couldn’t deal with it anymore. I was not strong enough to stand so I did something I haven’t done in years I kneeled. I kneeled, cried, and prayed. I prayed out loud to God because quite frankly I am not strong enough to deal with life alone. I know that God thinks I’m pretty strong…hello summer of 2015, one I’ll never forget, but sometimes I realize life is to hard to stand and I have to kneel. I have to become so vulnerable and cry out that I need Gods help because I am getting hit with way to much at once. Okay now I get what most people are saying fleas, urgent care, terrible twos doesn’t sound like much and the miscarriage of Presley sounds like a much worse situation. But I have to disagree since they are terrible situations in their own ways. I truely believe Presley’s, even Sages, situations happened to strengthen my relationship with God, they happened to make my testimony even stronger. The urgent care, terrible twos, flea situation is an attack by Satan. I’ve lived through these attacks before, it’s a smaller situation but it can pack a punch. But anyway, it would be so easy to fall into his temptation of getting angry at Hannah, the dog, etc but in the long run what would that do? Absolutely nothing! I needed to kneel pray and give this all to God. He is bigger than me he is bigger than Satan and I know He will help me through all this. This whole situation has helped me and Kyle become closer and he even found a way to joke about the situation since our house has never been so clean before. It looks like we just moved in. But hey I have a good reason to rearrange the house now right. I guess in the craziest of situations you have to find the positives. But in the end when life gets to hard to stand…kneel