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I woke up in a train. To be more precise, I woke up in a train, knowing that I was still asleep *in reality*. It is quite a popular concept in some sci-fi literature and movies, I know. Dreams in dreams, dreams in dreams in dreams, etc. Just like a Matryoshka doll.

…I looked at the label before throwing it out. The funny thing. It said, “Price: Wash before use”. I thought, -- oh, come on, “the greatest insight for the enlightened”. No doubt, it was...

…The train seemed to be full of passengers. I KNEW it in this dream, -- but I saw nobody. Nonetheless… I got up from my seat and started my strange “journey”, just to get any idea of what was happening. I went through the aisle, looking around me. It seemed to be something like a phantom train. The doors were not shut. In fact, they rather looked like household doors. The train was swirling somewhere UNKNOWN and all I could see were trees, trees all around, and all these doors constantly clawing at them.

When I finally got to the cabin, I KNEW that the engine driver WAS there. However, just like the passengers, just like the whole phantom and partly delirious setting, well, he was out of sight… touch… and so on, yes.

…When I was about 11, my ideas about age were like “Oh, gosh. Even 15 seems so old. How can the say Pushkin or, say, Lermontov were soooo young when they died, I wonder”. And here we go… “I’m afraid I have to admit I’m older than Lermontov”. “Oh, crap”.

They say you’re asked what you have achieved during your life when you’re dead. I’m not quite sure about that, but what is obvious is that you’re asked the same question in many circumstances while you’re still alive, anyway. Funny. Just like “another greatest insight for the enlightened”, which goes as: “Well, then, what is the REAL difference?”

As a child, sometimes I watched TV with my old great-grandmother. She was not only greatly conservative, but also what we would call “mad in her own way”. I said that I wanted to become a great actress, or something like that. And she was suddenly angry, saying that I was a complete zero at singing or dancing, “SO HOW DID I SEE THE WHOLE THING?? -- *DARE* IMAGINE IT?”

Time flows… People change… Well… “SOMETIMES”…

I went to the store and asked for something salty, junky and tasty. I knew it would be a nice painkiller. Both physical and mental.

I simply watched my skin becoming all spotty and red, I saw it happening with my own eyes. Fast. And... all of a sudden. The mirror was no foe. Was no friend. It was just showing this strange process. It was as if the skin were severely burnt. Not with the sun or anything like that, though. I wanted to go back abruptly. But it was clear that nobody paid any attention to it. “At least, as long as you pay for the “bunches of goods” and ask something that has been interesting to you and smile, sure”.

I woke up as if I’ve been drinking hard for some days. I’ve some new bunches of cheap-glamourous clothes as homewear. I’ve some bunches of cheaper-class bath products, etc. BLAHBLAHBLAH, yeah.

I took some plastic bags and started to throw away some old ones. The ones I didn’t like. I used aaall the new “bunches” at once. I thought it would do just like junk food. Oh, MAYBE…

I bought an organic hair mask. The contents and the description contained so many “beautiful words”, besides it smelled great. I wondered whether it would serve as a nice facial mask instead, well. And whether my face would grow “lustrous, long, silky hair” because of the words in instructions.

I found out that I had a brain tumor, okay. It seems that it was quite a long time ago. And it seems completely normal now. Because I still have some plans. And wishes. – The ones that I DARED NOT think of too seriously before that.

deviantID

Ekaterina Zagustina (aka KatjaFaith) is a Russian illustrator and photographer. The base of most of her works is a photograph, digitally manipulated and/or mixed with digital painting. Among her publications are several book covers for Apex Book Company, Viaje a Bizancio Ediciones, cover art for THE SORROW KING by Andersen Prunty, EXIT by Shane Filer, as well as some other book illustrations and CD-covers (US, Canada, Spain, Russia). Her works have been featured in PhotArt, Fashion Collection, BigMag, Sugarkiss Magazine, Sketchozine, Apex Magazine, # photography, etc.