How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse Using Science

In the event of a zombie apocalypse it will probably help to have: a baseball bat, a gun, a chainsaw and a plethora of blunt objects. Also, it helps to possess a strong grasp of neuroscience.

The quick, handy guide above (not to be confused with the one from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) shows many of the neurological problems zombies have and how the non-undead can exploit those weaknesses. It includes every malady, from ghouls’ slow motor skills to terrible amnesia.

Based on that map of the zombie brain, Voytek and a fellow neuroscientist Timothy Verstynen established that the walking dead suffered from a condition they called Consciousness Deficit Hypoactivity Disorder. CDHD is characterized by “the loss of rational, voluntary and conscious behavior replaced by delusional/impulsive aggression, stimulus-driven attention, the inability to coordinate motor-linguistic behaviors and an insatiable appetite for human flesh.”

Yeah, zombies.

“When Tim and I were working on our neuroscience Ph.D.s at Berkeley we discovered a mutual love for the zombie genre,” Voytek said in an e-mail to Wired.com. “Over time (and probably beers) we started talking about what a zombie brain would ‘have to look like’ given their ‘observable behaviors’ in film.”

‘Over time (and probably beers) we started talking about what a zombie brain would have to look like.’

In their research, the scientists were able to determine that humans can exploit many zombie deficiencies. For example, abuse the undead’s poor motor skills by running fast, take advantage of their amnesia by hiding until they forget about you, or activate their Capgras delusions by mimicking their actions so they don’t attack you.

“This entire endeavor is partly an academic ‘what if’ exercise for us and partly a tongue-in-cheek critique of the methods of our profession of cognitive neuroscience,” Verstynen said.