Jersey Shore 3, episode 3 recap: Snooki drinks too much (again)

My, how attitudes change -- or, rather, how well MTV edits. Episode three opens with Sammi feeling remorseful after somehow, just now, realizing Ronnie is a liar. A big one. She's ready to apologize to the girls, and Ronnie is ready for her to peace out of the relationship, since it is obvious he has been out of it -- mentally, anyway -- for a long time. Meanwhile, that gruesome twosome, Deena and Snooki, are home from the bar, vocally horny and plowing through whatever food they can find in the fridge. At this point, Snooki has moved from pickles to potatoes. Snooki, potato in hand, goes for Vinny, who denies her. Again.

Deena is getting no where with the Situation, so Snooki dives in and tries to offer him a threesome. Somehow, in the mind of the Situation, two uglies make an awesome. But once in the bedroom, Snooki dips out, and the Situation is bummed. He, too, decides it is a good idea to leave. No one gets laid.

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After peeing behind the bar instead of the bathroom, Jwoww catches Ronnie and Sammi making up. Again. Pauly spots his stalker, Danielle -- who proceeds to throw a drink in his face. No matter: MVP move on, all three finding some ladies who are DTF (Down to Fuck, for the layman). The crew heads home, and Ronnie cooks up some turkey burgers.

The next morning, Snooki rolls to work still drunk, wearing her dress from the night before and a drug rug. The fake-job boss sends Snooki to get coffee and sober up, but she ends up just getting drunk. This may be the first time in the history of The Jersey Shore that someone is accused of having a drinking problem. Snooki, in bender mode, is seen doing body shots with a much older couple she finds at the bar on the boardwalk. Triple gross.

The episode ends with Snooki blacked out on the beach. Rolling around and falling down, Jwoww and Deena do their best to drag her home before she gets in trouble for being publicly drunk. Unfortunately, the police try to help and Snooki ends up getting arrested instead. Jwoww does the right thing and calls Snooki's dad -- and things just get shittier. Poor Snooki.

Semi-memorable quotes:

"She's begging for Seabiscuit" - Vinny, in reference to his penis.

"Can we have a threesome? I'm so fucking horny." - Snooki, while chugging a two-liter of soda.

"Stop caring and fuck me, man." - Snooki

"I was looking for that threesome, I got stuck with the Dee-some." - The Situation

"We've just got chemistry, and I'm not talking about the class."- The Situation

"He's polite and respectful -- which is shocking." - Jwoww

"My DTF-o-meter is pretty much at a ten." - Vinny

"This isn't, like, law school. This is a T-shirt shop." - Snooki

Bree Davies is a reporter, DIY advocate and community organizer born and raised in the Queen City of the Plains. She's the host and creator of the live podcast, "Hello? Denver? Are You Still There?" Find her causing trouble on Twitter.