New Ryanair Seats to Deliver Mild Electric Shock To Kids Who Kick Them

There was great news for frequent flyers this week with the announcement that kids who kick the seat in front on Ryanair flights will soon be electrocuted.

Most people will agree there are few things in this world as annoying as taking your seat on a plane and then feeling the relentless non-stop kicking into your back of a horrible little brat who is sitting right behind you. Even worse, their inconsiderate parents pay no attention and allow the little shit to carry on doing it. Well, no more.

Ryanair’s head of communications James Colgan explained how it’s going to work at a press conference yesterday. “Every plane in our fleet will soon be fitted with the new shock seats which have been wired to deliver a mild shock to anyone kicking the back of them. The shock gets stronger each time and the kid should get the message after two or three jabs of electricity shooting up their legs. Any child who still persists in kicking the seat will eventually be zapped so hard believe me they’ll be knocked unconscious for the rest of the flight and probably the rest of the day.”

The news has been widely welcomed by passengers throughout Europe with Ryanair experiencing a sudden increase in the number of people choosing their airline over others when booking flights.

It was expected that child welfare groups would be up in arms but so far that has failed to materialise. We spoke to Avril Mooney of Children First and asked for her reaction to Ryanair’s controversial plans. “Listen, I spend my life defending the rights of children but something needs to be done about this or the next brat that starts kicking my seat on a plane is getting punched in the head.”

Ryanair also announced that they intend to introduce the new ‘Cry Box’ early next year – an innovative new sound-proof device which cabin crew members will place over the heads of crying babies so the rest of us don’t have to listen to them.