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Friday, January 18, 2013

My husband is dating my niece

Dear Ladun,

My niece stays with me. I have been responsible for her
education and her up keep before I got married to my husband. So when I got
married she moved in with me. She passed out of secondary school last year and
still at home waiting for her admission. Her closeness with my husband is
something I don’t understand. She is freer with him than me. Something tells me
they are about to start an affair. This faithful night I called my husband and
asked him what was going on between them, he said nothing. I told him to
remember that this girl is my niece, my blood and he should be very careful. He
fought me over it and I saw more signs.

I told my grandma and my aunty (her own mom) they said I was
lying that I should give them a better reason if I want her out of my house. I
feel like sending her out right now but I don’t have a genuine reason yet. I am
not a kid, I know when something is about to happen. I can read through their
body language. I sometimes hear her discuss with my husband in the living room
and when I move closer she stops. I hear her voice clearly and when my husband
leaves for the office I do call her and ask what they were discussing.

This
girl will start swearing that she didn’t outer a word to my husband not to talk
of discussing anything with him. I need to catch them this week. More so, her
education is finished because I am no longer interested in spending a dime on
her anymore. Imagine hearing your niece voice and she still has the effrontery
to swear that it wasn’t her voice I heard. I am totally mad right now and want
this girl out immediately. Who knows how I can catch them?

127 comments:

Asking why you can catch them? What's the problem woman? You have no inkling as to what heartache you are trying to cause yourself. Sometimes it's better to feign ignorance. So what will you do after you catch your own niece? You will behead her and move out of your husbands's house? You have the power to nip it in the bud now. Are you the only family she's got? Let her stay somewhere else na. Don't go about like a suspicious person. Snooping on his phone and eaves droppin in conversation. Just live your life, you have one. Take precautions and not penalties.

lmao! and u had to advertise at the end. lol! my frend state exactly ur advice to her!well...dear lady, as u are a grown woman, u know exactly wat u feel. simply send her bak to her parents or another family member. if ur feelins com out true..u'll only hurt urself, either leavin ur hubby and neva looking at him disame or u'l hurt ur niece. Only God knws wat rily has gone down btwn them, bt then again, dey may jst be rily cool wit each oda...D LYING PART I DONT GET THOUGH, which means derz somthng fishy..but send her home my dear! save ur home!

Sister,whatever method you use in catching them,just be careful,she doesnt destroy your marriage.Isnt it better you relocate her quietly and still send her money for her education,then you can work on your marriage than causing problems with your husband then your own family.Women are always on the receiving side.

No act of kindness goes unpunished. I think you should get a recording device. I wish I knew you I would have given you mine. Plant it somewhere and come back to listen to the conversation. Buy a good one that can filter all background noises and can record up to 72 hours. You better catch them this week!

U can buy hidden cameras n place it around d house, they come in all forms; wall clock, pen, USB drive. Etc. it is possible that she relates to him well, don't think that's bad, mayb u r too tempramental

My dear, you don't need proof to do anything. Once someone makes you uncomfortable in your own house, you have to take action. I will suggest you tell her to move back to her mum or your grandma but continue to pay for her university fees. She is family and if she suceeds in life, it is to your own credit. Even if she is not having an affair with your husband, she is taking the piss and no longer has any respect for you. She will create tension nd resentment between yourself and your husband. You have to let her go. If your marriage breaks down, it will not affect her. She has her life ahead of her. Take action now! My sister was rude to be husband once when she was staying with me and we were paying her school fees (£7,000 per year); I kicked her out and I never looked back. she lost her way and never graduated, but I know that somewhere in her heart she will look back with shame at the way she acted at my house and with my husband. she has never apologised up till today. She is married now and dealing with having never graduated and not knowing where to start again. I have not regrets.

my favourite comment ,unnecessary sentiments and emotions is what has pushed us africans into several life destroying situations the buttom line like this anon has stated is that she is not comfortable in her own house and irrespective of whatever decision she makes one set of people are bound to be unhappy so why waiting again?besides the consequences of her being right will be much more disastrous if the girl mistakenly carry belle in nigeria where most men dont know the meaning of protection

siddon there o,if the cousin snatches her husband will you take her in? go and ask several women who today as sleeping in one room apartments precisely because they trusted too much until a close friend or relative snatched their husbands and he pushed them and the children out

Your sister had sexual advances from your husband but due to principle and perhaps love for you,she turned him down.and she's the volatile type,that doesn't take trash.when the thing was getting too much,she insulted him so bad.yet never told you anything.yet you sent her out and she became a drop out.and your cowardly hubby was just looking on......what if she had slept with him and taken more than her fees.women are thier own enemies

Catch dem doing what ? Are you sure it's not your mind ? My dear don't give yourself hypertension over nothing , this girl is like your daughter why are you so insecure , if I were you I would just ignore , pretend there is nothing then pray be yourself and you will see abi catch them like you want to . Relax .

Oh my,I can only imagine how annoying dis is for u,well here is my advise,theres this new hidden cam for mums created to help them watch dia nanies!it looks like a beautiful alarm clock but its a camera!get one or two and place around areas uv noticed they like 2hang ihope this helps...rabs

Dear Writer no need to wait to catch them, find an excuse to send her packing immediately . Say u need that room or something. Any excuse and send her back So many useless men in Nigeria and wives open your eyes and be very careful about relatives. A useless man can even sleep with your sister. Something similar happened to my Aunty R , her niece (A) was staying with them and someone she caught her husband in bed with her niece . She was so furious and packed out of the house and called a family meeting ...... In the meeting the useless husband admitted to sleeping with the niece and joked that his wife has told the whole world that means he has to married the niece or else who will marry her..... bloody fool

This was like 10years ago, the marriage never recovered, the woman Aunty R left and the man married the niece and they have 4 children. The family were so annoyed with the niece and refused to collect bride price from the man, but after seeing she had children they agreed for a quiet trad wedding . The niece is now so arrogant feeling like madam and maltreats the children of the first wife (her aunty children and her first cousins), she calls all of them witches and has tried to make their Father stop giving them money .... Some people are plain wicked , this is a nice Aunty who was good to her and treated her well, she broke the home and has the audacity to maltreat the children from that marriage... I have learnt not to allow any relative live with me, they can be the beginning of problems.

All my relative come in the morning and go at night . I CANNOT SHOUT !!! .

I don't think is true,but if u insist then I'v got a way in which u can get dem red handed...don't say anything again just pretend nothing is happenenig,gist with dem,play wif dem nd make urself comfortable in ur matrimonial home.....then u wait 4 a day u r all gonna be home then tell ur hubby u r goin out nd u r gonna come back late(make sure ur niece isn't on her period)then come back early without ur car..u know just do d normal stuff...I pray u see what u r looking 4 ooooo

You are waiting to catch them, be waiting o. Send the girl away now to another relative but please still assist with her education. You shouldn't have allowed her in your matrimonial home in the first place.

I think u shud send her packing if u don't feel comfortable wit her presence in ur matrimonial home...afterall it is ur home. Even my blood sister sent me packing from her house and not becos i had anything to do wit her husband but becos i cooked n cleaned beta than she did n she felt threatened. Though i hated her 4 a while, i 've forgiven her. Nobody shud make u feel uncomfortable in ur husband's house.

Just send her out. Don't bother about catching them. If u feel smtin is wrong, something is. Unfortunately, if your husband is rili into her, it will continue even when she leaves so just pray.......after sending her out and warning her.

Could it be that you are over reacting and paranoid? That's possible you know.Whilst waiting to 'catch' them, work on your marriage, your closeness to your husband, communication in your marriage etc. So that you can be 'free' with him too! Be closer to your hubby now more than ever. Sending her out is no guarantee that your niece & hubby will not get their groove on if they want to!

please the hot and pain will be too much for you to bear. Please send her out now and pls still continue to help with her studies. Educating her will be of more benefit to your family than catching her. Its pointless trying to catch her. listen to your body language now and act. its not even advisable tp have a treat in ur home. Act now and keep your family intact. all the best

You're still waiting to catch them? Alright then. You shall be catching them when your niece's belly is swollen with your husband's child. More than half the time, our instincts are right. Send that girl back to her mother fast.

Madam, u r waiting to catch them abi? I think you should send her back to her family and you can continue to sponsor her from there. Even if they are to cheat, let it not be under your roof as there is no guarantee that there won't a rendezvous between them. Or you can do that jazz that some people do on their spouses.You are asking how u can catch them.... you are hilarious!

I advise there is a more mature way to go abt it cos even if you send her out, it might give them more opportunity to see each other in hotels or other private places. though quite annoying i think you shld just take ur mind off it and be prayerful. Almighty God is d solution to all problems and he will give you the wisdom to handle such situation. Lets all avoid to bring family members most specially female to stay with once we are married cos dey can be dangerous to our marital lives.

Send her packing, since she's through with her secondary school education.If she eventually get admission to a higher institution, please don't retreat from sponsoring her; she doesn't have to stay with you for her to be sponsored. Please don't jeopardize your marriage; don't allow the help you are rendering turn to a misfortune for you.A word, they say, is enough for the wise.

You have been reading and watching a lot of nonsense. If you aint comfortable with the girl anymore, just send her away. What is this stuff about catching them. If you don't trust your husband, its a different matter. He doesn't need your niece to satisfy his thirst. All this rubbish is sick. People cannot have a decent relationship with the opposite sex again because of your warped mind.

Dear madam, I knew someone who had this same situation a few years back. She agonized, ruminated over the issue, developed so much bitterness till she developed cancer and died.To what intent do you hope to catch them? Neither of them will ever admit to the affair, and now that they know you are on to them, they will be extra careful. Send the girl out. Period. Your intuition is enough for you at this point. Don't mind your mother or your sister. If they are truly into each other, they WILL go and continue outside, but you won't have to see it. Adopt the 'siddon look' approach o! So that you can have your health to take care of your children. Pls don't go crazy living in unnecessary agony. Nature has a way of dealing with treachery. Believe me.I wish you all the best.

There is love in sharing atleast she's ur niece. LOL . At the end of the day its ur home,u don't need a reason to send her out...ud have to contend with ur extend family members though and since u r married to a bingo...PREPARE TO CHASE FEMALES AWAY FROM HIM FOR THE REST OF UR LIFE ...Peridot.

Hollywood style would be to bug your house with hi-tech cameras and micro phones but I dont where one can obtain such in Nigeria. So you have to improvise. Buy two china phones that can record voice notes. Place one in the living room and one in her bedroom on a day you are sure they will be alone. Do I need to point out that the phones should be hidden? Also it shouldnt be planted longer than a day or it could be discovered.

Sha dont commit suicide when your fears have been confirm and most importantly dont get caught and dont reveal how you found out except you have no intentions of staying with him.

u are a woman and we don't just see things. when our intuition talks they're always right! she could be swearing for all i care, but she's a spoilt teenager who wants to enjoy what her aunt owns. Let ur grandma and aunt [Her mother] talk all they want but pls send her out bcos all they'll tell you after it happens right under ur nose is that u trained her that way or we are sorry but she's too young to abort any pregnancy, she may die, blah, blah, blah!

But if you truly feel the way u feel, then feel free to throw her out cos a lying cheat doesn't deserve to be under ur roof, more so someone who is ur flesh and blood meant to be protecting ur interest. We already know that men are {pardon me pls] "natural born cheats"....

As per catching them, u could set a trap for the, hidden camera or hidden voice recorders could be planted in specific areas they both hang out within ur apartment and u can truly listen, playback and give as evidence to ur husband, ur niece and any insensitive person who thinks u're lying but please u need a lot of patience and strength to go thru this, e no dey easy and make sure u have a back up of any recorded evidence u get [keep it in a safe place outside of ur house] in case they tamper with the copy u show them.

You need to be careful as it looks like you are so sure it is happening without even having evidence it is. Be patient. If it is happening you will catch them. Confronting them will make them hide it more. Just behave as if you are not suspecting anything again and you will catch them the way you want.

My Friend, who want to catch, then you will. what you look for is what you will see.Frankly speaking, you have lost focus. Your self esteam is going down too fast. Finally pull the trigger if you have to. chase her if thats what you think is the solution and focus on better progressive things this new year. the year is too young for one to loose focus.

to catch themact like you are going for an occassion, and let it be known that you are going all day. Two to three hours later, come back home.find a tiny camera plant it in your bedroom or her bedroom.

You dont need anyone to agree with you on this one.. You have said the main thing that is biting u.. YOU WANT HER OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! all this "Who knows how I can catch them?" na just "wash".Just simply ask her to leave your house and stop looking for silly excuses that dont exist..I totally agree with your mom and aunty.. but instead of giving excuse.. simply ask her to pack out! She no be ya pikin..

So you decided to share our secret with the whole world right? Is it my fault that you don't know how to give bj? Let me tell you, your niece is a professional in giving bj so just take this as your final warning. Before i come home today you better have your bags packed otherwise I will re-arrange your face.for your info, i am already sleeping with your niece and I plan to marry her and there is nothing you or your family can doo about it!

Unless you decide to join us in a threesome, then maybe i can consider it and the two of you can stay and she will be assistant wife. so the choice is yours o!

If truly you are her hubby.....I pray on the half of this woman, who has done nothing but be nice to the people she cares about....that may the God i serve deal with you and that he niece accordinlgy.....

excuse ma'am.....are u actually waiting until u catch them,for me,i think u owe no one an explanation if u send the girl out of ur house but u have to use diplomacy,one thing u have to guide with all digilent is ur home.pls ma'am act fast before u regret it.

U have time to even write this story when in actual sense u should be packing her stuffs right now and sending her back to her mom! U have tried.. U started training her before u got married,that was a good thing but u could train someone for her mothers house not neccessary move in with u...

Don't even wait to catch them,send her packing,tell the mom that u are no more comfortable with her in ur house again but u would still be footing the bills if need be.. don't let ur little niece take ur man, men would go after skirts,the best way to keep a dog in check is to avoid giving It the bone u don't want it to eat.. But u keeping bone in front of a dog and u asking it not to eat,lailai...

Suspicion or not....abeg pursue the idiot from ur house for your own peace of mind!education don finish abi?Tell granny and her mother that u are simply not comfortable with the closeness btw her and ur husband! Shikena!Na u get house o, no let family members use mouth break ur home for u oh!

Shey she don do baby nurse and house girl finish. Let her go pls. No be for ur house dem go do any rubbish again. But if true d man don dey sleep with the girl, dat no go just end like that. U nid to hv evidence and Kip it without saying anything. Send her off quietly. U mayl need that recorded evidence someday or never. Good luck.

could it be that the two of them are just close and theres nothing really going on between them? mayb she just feels comfortable telling him personal stuff, yea mayb they are close like that.and it could be shes setting him up with her friends. it could be anything really but sending her out of the house to me is the wrong move. this is soo because1. if they are really seeing eachother sending her out of the house wont end it, infact it makes it easier

2. sending her out of the house will make her not feel bad for anything wrong she is doing or about to do. infact it will give her a reason to get back or go all the way in my opinion.

live your life! marriage is tolerance, u are his wife, if they are really geting together they will one day end it. and really there might be nothing going one between them that way.

m a girl aged 22.. Im staying to mysister's house...She is paying ma school feesand she gives me whatever i ask for....The problem is,,,,ilove her husband and we are dating,,,,,healso love's me. He said he made a mistake to marry mysister....I love my sister's husband toomuch, he is a moneymaker...Now im thinking to be his secondwife... But first thing i want them todivorce... What must i doguys?? Help me!!!Can i kill my sister,are u sure dats your niece planning to kill u already.read dis on facebook.

see this is the problem with most africans always judging. Madam you have a pyschological problem and am sure your husband think so too. I grew up with my aunt ( my inlaw- my maternal uncle married her) too, and not a day passed by that she didnt accuse me of trying to snatch her husband, from the time i was 8 till i was 21( when i packed my shit and left). We live in the usa, they raised me and unfortunately my father died when i was young, so i took my uncle as a father figure, i confided in him because he was understanding and i was a tomboy and my aunt always beat and falsely accused me of trying to take her place. My aunt we later found out last year is bipolar, and i think you are too. The accusation got so much that after university i packed my stuff and left, i dont talk to her anymore, but my uncle calls to make sure am okay. So woman you are the creator of your own problems, stop trying to push your husband into doing something he has never thought of, as far as i know i bet you have wicked friends like my aunt did,egging you on and telling u your husband must be messing with your niece. Maybe you are jealous of their relationship because you never had a closeness like that with your father, so stop accusing before you destroy your marriage. A word is good for the wise!!!

My dear, because your aunty turned out to be wrong doesnt mean the lady in this situation is wrong. The fact that you experienced a crazy aunt doesn't mean all aunties who think their nieces are having affairs with their husbands are bipolar!

they might just be close. the guy might be easier to talk to than her aunty, before you destroy your home, buy a digital recorder its cost like 5k and leave it in the living room and pretend you are going to the super market, try it a few times, u will surely know what they are talking about, that's how i caught my x, she was having phone sex with a guy she met on facebook

Pls send her back to her momma nd send her upkeep.a similar thing happened to my neighbour and it was too late before. She found out that her husband was sleeping with her niece...Don't let her spoil ur home

If you know what is good for you send your niece away, nobody should be making you uncomfortable in your own home, we need to learn to trust our instincts, dont wait until you catch them, it wont do you any good, on your own part, work on your marriage too. Even if there is nothing between them, she has no business discussing with your husband in low tones

I think you should be more concerned with finding out why your husband would be pursuing an affair with your niece rather than trying to "catch them at it". If you did catch them, then what next? If you are uncomfortable with her being in your home, then ask her to leave but your energy should be directed towards your relationship with your husband. He being involved with any woman, especially a member of your family is merely symptomatic of deeper issues in your marriage. Hope things work out well for you.

Be wise, put a recorder if u want proof, but if u feel uneasy let her go. One of my aunties husband impregnated her niece and they sent my aunt away since was not pregnant yet, even the girl's family sided the man to marry the girl. Remove her so she will not destroy your marriage.

Madam, y☺u obviously have trust iss with your husband, y☺u should face him, salvage whatever is left of your maarriage. You suspect y☺u niece because she lives in the same roof with him, what are y☺u always doing when these two are gisting? The issue isn't your niece, while your niece 'might' (still a maybe) be taking advantage of your lack of attention to your husband, remember that there are so many women who dont need your roof or money but will willingly give your husband the attention he is seeking. What he can't get from y☺u or your niece he can get outside without ϋ suspecting a thing. Madam save your marriage and if y☺u have started a good work on Ʋŗ niece by educating her please do. Don't breed unneccesary hatred. Don't get carried away by the now....... And why haven't y☺u drawn your husband close enough to ask him? Its a good thing your niece is afraid of y☺u enough not to lie about what they discuss. Y☺u can send her away but don't breed hatred. Find someway to trust your husband. Please cahange your perspective madam. There might be nothing to catch. Women and this intuition thing sef.

I heard a very similar story recently; the only difference is the niece is now heavily pregnant with the man's child and has said she's not going anywhere as she is in the father of her child's house. The man has said that whatever decision either of them make is ok by him. The wife who has raised this girl like her own daughter, brought her from Nigeria when she was suffering and help her with her naturalization is just sitting there looking like mumu. Writer keep it up... I've just given you a probable end to what you are experiencing. The ball is in your court.

I cant believe what some of you are saying, so she should plant hidden camera abi, ok, if she eventually catches them , what will happen? Will she kill the girl or what, pls use your sense, send her back to her mother, she doesnt have to stay in your house for you to send her to school!

As a Zimbabwean woman, who's dad cheated on my mom with her own niece. I would advise trust your instincts and kick her out. My mom suspected it but refused to believe that her own blood would betray her, after taking care of her as a small child and brought her from the village to live with us to go to school! When she finally caught them, it was too late as my cousin was now pregnant. Protect your marriage at all cost, you dont need anyone's advice as you already know what to do. Best wishes to you.

What should a grown niece of that nature be doing in your home?add her joblessness and admission problem with the fact that your house is a small one(not populated),it is a recipe for disaster.men are very easy.he may see her in towel and get the urge or cooking in the kitchen while you are away and if shes not the principled type,she will fall flat for his rod.even making funds with married men as a single lady is risky.most of them see their wives as conquered territory and opt for fresh blood.even when the wife is young and more beautiful sef...besides men hate to leave their comfort zone.they like these home sneaking affairs.esp if your husband is outspoken,from gisting with the girl,it can easily escalate.its a normal libido issue with men everyday.so that is why I say,it's a recipe for disaster

However,in the reverse angle.you may be paranoid.from the way you talk,you sound like you are the type that likes to rub it in her face that you are training her.that she has nothing without you.look how you're saying that she's indebted to you all over your story.is this how you treat her.the kind of aunt that feeds you but gives you no spare money to buy pad or for personal upkeep.and she needs some little small cash for miscellaneous items and she knows you won't give or she dares not ask lest you tell her her family history.then your husband is there.nice man with no intent at all.sees her as a teenager.gives her the encouragement you can't give.advices her over her WAec.outspoken.squeezes small cash into her hands when you are not lookin.and when you hear whispers,they have to lie so you don't suspect wrongly....it's a precarious situation for them.the understanding uncle.the stuck up aunt.happens all the time and the man wants to help but is afraid to lest his wife turns to a beast in d house and puts d poor niece to more misery.is this what is going on?

Examine before insulting anyone.have you been all that to them.do you listen to your husband?is she the one he talks to?

I have an aunt who is married 2 a Yoruba man.im ibo.the man is so vitreous,kind and intellectual.while the wife is the passive kind.they love each other but my aunt is not the intelligent(not like she is dull) but she's jus typically a Nigerian woman who cares about what she ought to care about and no more.not the kind to read wide for any reason.the man usually calls me to chat.jus to look for fresh ideas.always excited to speak with me.and he is a good man.no interior motive.yet I don't visit them.rarely.what if I was living with them for a while and he is all engrossed in discussion.how will my aunt perceive it to be?will she feel jealous or jus trust the platonic nature of our friendship.so pls open your eyes and look into yourself as well

Come, dont ever trust any foolish Nigerian man with a woman, period! Whether blood, friend , house girl whatever. They are very useless. Even your girl child, dont leave with her father. There is a lot of crazy things going on. These people giving you advice to put camcorder and the rest are probably not married yet. Drive that girl asap! make sure your husband is not home when you do it. Dont wait for it to happen because you would DIE of hypertension and she would marry him and have kids for him! If you are lucky, you would find yourself in Yaba Left. As in Aro Psychiatric Hospital.

Sorry to sound mean or heartless but its a little too late. This husband of yours and niece already have a thing for each other and until they "taste" each other, their eyes won't clear that is if they have not already. Even if she is sent away, they will still meet. That is called passion and or lust. Only God can make them disgusted at each other. Start praying. Im talking from experience. What a foolish man and wicked girl they both are

CAN WE LIKE COMMENTS. THEY ARE ALREADY FEELING THEMSELVES I AM NOT SURE THE WIFE CAN DO MUCH ABOUT IT NOW. KICK HER OUT BUT THEY WILL MEET AND STILL FUCK SHIKENA. SORRY IT HAD TO HAPPEN TO YOU BUT NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO

That is why women of this days are being advised to open their eyes while accepting marriage proposals. How can a sensible, morally principled and a good christian, think of having an affair or getting too close to comfort with his wife's blood relation ? Women please becareful the type of men you accept to marry. Madam as for you, since you have become totally uncomfortable with your niece's move in the house, take her home. Atleast you have seen that your husband lacks respect for you and the marriage by neglecting your warnings by still going back to "his closeness to your niece" because he should have put a stop to it when he heard you say those words to him. Of a truth, discipline, morally upright and faithful man and a true child of God is the best gift a woman can ever get. God bless them.