Tracy Beckerman is Lost in Suburbia and trying to hold onto just a little bit of her former, COOL, pre-mom self!

I’m Glad I’m Not a Turkey (at least in the poultry sense of the word)

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About this blog

Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ≠ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites,
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Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ≠ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, including www.todaysmama.com, www.rolemommy.com and www.newjerseymomsblog.com and is an official blogger for Lifetime Television's hit show, \x34The Balancing Act.\x34 She also does stand-up comedy and has appeared at venues including The Comic Strip Live in NYC and The Erma Bombeck Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. Before she became a columnist, Beckerman was a writer and producer in the television industry for 10 years, managing the advertising & promotion department at WCBS-TV New York. Tracy is married to a very understanding guy. They have two children and live in New Jersey where she writes, does battle with woodchucks and avoids, at all costs, driving a minivan.

As I was shopping for dinner this weekend, I turned down the meat aisle and suddenly noticed the abundance of poultry. Or more specifically, the abundance of turkeys.

Lest you think there was a gang of wild turkeys roaming the supermarket, I can assure you they were all frozen – which was good news for meÖ although not for the turkeys.

It occurred to me at that moment, as one might be inclined to do when presented with an abundance of frozen turkeys, that Thanksgiving was upon us and I had to start thinking about what I was thankful for.

The first thing I realized was that there is actually a lot I have to be thankful for, including, of course, the fact that Iím not a turkey.

Lest you think I only have poultry issues, Iím also quite thankful that Iím not a dog.

Our dog sleeps in a crate and only gets to eat kibble and has to go outside to use the bathroom which is really no fun when itís freezing cold or pouring rain, I would imagine. I like sleeping in a bed and eating sushi and pizza and prefer my bathroom in the house with the door closed and hopefully some toilet paper left on the roll. Of course the dog doesnít have to pick up the dry cleaning or do laundry or worry about money or cellulite, so maybe being a dog wouldnít be the worst thing.

I am also quite thankful that Iím not a bearded dragon. My son had a bearded dragon and it didnít do much. It seemed quite content to lie on a rock under the heat lamp and then lie there some more until some crickets showed up and then he’d eat the crickets and then go back on the rock and lie there again. Although I like to lie on the beach for a week or so on vacation, get up to go to the buffet and then go lie on the beach some more, eventually I get bored. Besides, all that time in the sun would really be bad for my skin. Of course the bearded dragon didnít have to worry about sun damage and wrinkles and heíll never need Botox, so maybe being a bearded dragon wouldnít be the worst thing either.

My daughter had a pet chinchilla. It was soft and cuddly and spent all of its time running on a wheel in circles.

Sometimes I feel like Iím also running on a wheel in circles, but at least I donít have to worry about somebody making a coat out of me.

We also used to have fish, but they all died and we flushed them down the toilet. Needless to say, Iím very thankful not to be a fish.

Clearly, compared with being a person, itís not that interesting to be a pet. However, when you are a pet, you are loved unconditionally, except when you do something bad on the rug, so thatís a pretty good deal. Still, Iím thankful to be able to sleep in a bed and eat pizza and have a roof over my head and a family that I love who loves me back unconditionallyÖ except when I do something bad on the rug.