Chris Brown: Hours after he proclaimed he’s “not a monster” in a YouTube video, news broke that he’s been slapped with a lawsuit by a photog who claims Brown’s bodyguard beat him up. We’d say the hits just keep on coming, but that would just be a really bad pun.

PEOPLE: Put together a handy–but short–guide to some of the celebrity deejays out there. Kind of cool.

PEOPLE: Want to know how they choose their cover stories? We could tell you from our own experiences, but we’ll let The New York Times do it for us. While they don’t exactly portray the mag in the best light, it is pretty accurate–which is an improvement from the article last winter.

Jon & Kate Plus 8: Not that we didn’t already know this, but a media firestorm can really drive up ratings. The Jon & Kate premiere more than doubled last year’s audience. Now let’s see if they can keep it–and their marriage.

Real Housewives: Planning another spin-off, this time in Washington, D.C. How many do we need? Aren’t they all the same after a while?

Mel Gibson: We didn’t cover it previously because it was just rumor, but now his represenative is confirming the news that Gibson will be a father once again. His girlfriend is more than 3 months along–no wonder his soon-to-be ex-wife is moving ahead with the divorce!

Mike Tyson: According to news reports, Tyson’s daughter was seriously injured yesterday after accidentally hanging herself. Prayers to their family.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Fans have been clamoring for a movie but we don’t think this is what they had in mind. The original 1992 film is being remade–but without Joss Whedon and Sarah Michelle Gellar.

SIZZLED OUT: Robert Pattinson

STILL SIZZLING: This rapper played his final concert this weekend since he’s due to report to prison today for a 1-year sentence on weapons charges.

Heath Ledger: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, the film Ledger was making when he died, premiered at Cannes last week. Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t have a US release date. Still hard to believe we’re never getting more Ledger.

Susan Boyle: Her 15 minutes of fame got extended last night when she passed the semi-final round of Britain’s Got Talent. She’ll compete in the finals next week.

CBS: Won the ratings game overall this season by averaging the most viewers. Sad fact remains that viewership is down and will probably only go further south.

Gawker: Predicting the songs we’ll hear again and again this summer. Major flaw: including “No Boundaries” by American Idol’s new champ Kris Allen. Really don’t see that taking off.

American Idol: Has there been a bigger upset in Idol history? We think not. And we totally blame all the pre-finale hoopla around Adam Lambert for his loss. The hype totally backfired on him!

Kanye West: Used his blog to declare “Justin is the new Mike, Beyonce’s the new Tina Turner [and] GaGa’s Madonna.” Kind of little soon to be making grand statements like that, no? Then again, this is Kanye West so…

Pete Wentz: Peeved at Gawker for including him, Ashlee Simpson and son Bronx, in their Stalker column. The result? “Hate mail” sent to Gawker on his behalf gives them another opportunity to make fun of him. Good work, Pete. But we suppose this tweet was Pete’s way of firing back again. To be continued?

Natalie Cole: The singer, who suffers from hepatitis C, had a kidney transplant this week. What would we do without organ donors?

Upfronts: Okay, all the news of pick-ups and cancellations is just getting to be too much. We can’t keep track anymore! Who wants to make us a handy chart?

MTV Movie Awards: Including exclusive clips from New Moon, the Transformers sequel and the next Harry Potter flick should definitely drive up ratings. Maybe they’re better off with just a two-hour long clipfest?