Don’t knock the idea of only adventuring in one direction. If Columbus never did his obsessive compulsive Westward Quest, today there would be no capitalism, Krispy Kreme Donuts, Dodge Chargers, or obesity related organ failures.

Happy Thanksgiving turkeys! In honor of the gorging you are about to receive, try saving some baby turkeys so they can grow up to be big and strong (and delicious). And yes! This is an HTML5 game so you can play it on your mobile device.

I don’t know what a Unagi is, but my best guess without using the Google is that it is either a type of sushi, a new Asian dance craze, a panty-vending-machine brand, or quite possibly a combination of all three.

Consider this game practice if you ever need to defect from South Korea into North Korea. You would think it’s the other way around, but some of us actually love grey fashion trends and military parades.

Since most of these games were posted on DYOG, now it’s time for you fruitcakes to prove that you paid attention in class. And while you do that, I will use a red pen to circle moles on my body that need to be checked out. Not by a doctor, just checked out by the general public ’cause they’re awesome.

I’m not sure what this one is about. I don’t know much about yoga and I have no idea what a chakra is, but as I general rule I don’t allow anything that requires charging to go near my genital regions.

This game is just a reminder of all the hours I spent playing air hockey in a local arcade instead of attending classes. I have no regrets, as I am accomplished in my own way – I’m only 73 days away from beating the world record for the longest time with a tick attached to the body. Just one example.

When I was a little kid my friends and I used to talk about whether we’d cut off one of our hands for a million dollars. At the time it seemed like a tempting offer, but now I suppose we’d have to account for inflation. So the question today is – would you cut off one of your hands for $2,351,181.35?

Based on the amount of primal joy humans feel when smashing stacks of blocks, I fully expect my offspring to be playing Blosics 59 on some sort of holographic RFID controlled computablet in the foreseeable future.

when i was talking to my dearest cousin one day he admitted he had a huge fear of hippopotamuses especially albino ones which made me wanna take him to the zoo and force him to make friends with david the albino hippopotamus who is just about the friendliest hippopotamus that ever walked the earth but he replied that would be too much for him and kicked me in the

I have noted the complaints about a lack of shooting games lately. Rest assured I am always listening to your bitching cries for justice, so today’s game has plenty of shooting (and keyboard controls that will molest your whining brain through the eye sockets until you get the urge to chop off your disobedient fingers).

Little Known Fact: my grandfather was actually a Supermarine Spitfire pilot during WW2. Unfortunately he was dishonorably discharged for reasons that are still unclear to me. Maybe getting drunk on homemade scotch and wing-surfing naked during combat was frowned upon by the RAF?

You know, I like this game, but the only problem is that its logic really doesn’t conform with what my brain tells me. How does woman + lust not equal Kelly Brook? And how does gluttony + chaos not make the Bellagio Buffet in Vegas?

The latest opinion polls show that most of you fruitcakes want to be exactly like your beloved Admin: winner of the Nobel Prize in 4 categories, Calvin Klein underwear model, Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, and super-deluxe lover. But just in case things don’t work out for you, here’s a chance to practice an alternate career.

What in the name of Jesus Mendez is this?? This is not how I imagine the world after an ice cream factory explosion! There should be rivers of Chunky Monkey, geysers of Chocolate Fudge Brownie, and a rain of Rocky Road! Maybe the game developer knows what they really put in our ice creams…

Look, I don’t want to be Mr. Complainsalot here, but when I make fun of colorblind people I expect to be rewarded with at least a few outraged colorblind people. Don’t make me turn this into a reoccurring theme people! And on that note, here’s today’s game: Red Menace. Or as known to the colorblind: NOTHINGNESS Menace.

There was this time I was in a movie rental place and picked up a video called “Sausage Factory”, because I’ve always had an interest in making my own delicious tubes of minced meat. I assumed the shirtless men on the cover were master Polish sausage makers, but once I slid the tape into my VHS machine I realized I was very wrong. Btw, washing your eyes with bleach does not erase memories.

Really? Another zombie game? Well normally I would take this opportunity to leave a mighty poop in your shoe, but since this one also includes an awesome pixel dog with a chaingun I will simply wait until you are fast asleep and unleash a silent fart mere inches from your face. For I am Angry Husky, and I am not without mercy.

Although you might not expect an accomplished neurosurgeon to have the rugged qualities associated with a bona fide “Mountain Man”, I am proud to say that I am often confused with one none the less. It could be the beard, it could be the long hair, or maybe it’s just the groundhog skin loincloth.

If I could play god and reinvent the world from scratch I have to admit I wouldn’t do much differently. I would however forgo the giant armored sea spiders in favor of something a little more useful, like say a mix between a puppy and a vending machine.

Jump Mr. Frog…! Fly Mr. Bird…! Run Mr. Dog…! Act like you like me but only because you want food or some form of physical contact that has nothing to do with affection and is probably just because you have an itch or you’re bored Mr. Cat…!

You know those games with misleading titles? Well this is definitely not one of them. It also features a song that will remain etched in your memory long after you’ve forgotten how to chew due to advanced Alzheimer’s and multiple strokes.

I have come to the conclusion that there must be some superior being controlling the world and all the living creatures in it by playing a flash game. I bet he frequents forums and complains that it’s laggy and poorly designed.

We just updated this hi-larious Happy Tree Friends html5 game with a couple of achievements for you guys to obsess over. And don’t forget – all of our HTML5 games are playable on high-end mobile phones and tablets!

Merry Christmas Fruitcakes! As my present to you here’s a set of achievements and a leaderboard for our new html5 game Vector Runner Remix. It might not be the greatest present, but it sure beats what I got from my parents: 12-pack of tube socks and a nice big portion of when-I-was-your-age lectures.

I have this reoccurring nightmare where I’m a college freshman being chased by a middle aged lady who reeks of kiwi-strawberry flavored MD 20/20. I cant quite understand what she’s yelling, but it contains the words alabaster glutes. Actually, that might be a memory.

If I only had 10 bullets I would probably use the first 9 at the next Young Politicians of America meeting (nip a few problems in the bud if you know what I’m saying), and the last one I need to save for Bieber.

If you ever come across a movie called Santa’s Blast – don’t watch it. I thought it would be a light hearted movie with Tim Allen turning into a magical reindeer or something, but I failed to notice that the main actor is a guy called Seymore Butts.

In what will hopefully be a long running tradition, I’m reposting everyone’s favorite binge eating game and clearing the highscores so we can all be king of the leaderboard for a few minutes. That’s it until Monday – have a great long weekend, and if you’re not American stop hating our freedom dammit.

I haven’t molested my spacebar this much since my nerds ‘r’ usawesome & popular club at University organized a Press The Spacebar competition. As the winner of the sliver medal I got a brand new 56k modem beer keg.

I know you guys were looking forward to the latest Hannah Montana Kissing Cousins game, but you’re going to have to settle for this new DYOG exclusive instead. If you want a mental picture of this beast, imagine Vector Runner mixed with Dolphin Olympics, but with more vectors and an extra serving of dolphinsexualassault.

Wonderputt reminds me of Wünderputz – something you can ask for in any respectable German “massage parlor”. Just don’t be surprised when a “masseuse” walks in holding a 3 foot homemade knackwurst sausage, accompanied by a baby cow in a gimp suit.

I am the proud owner of two biogems that contain a precious biological material which will repopulate the Earth after some sort of disaster. I don’t know if it’s gonna be a nuke or power hungry apes – I just know my gems are all set and ready to go.

The only thing that scares me more than a hungry sumo is a hooker with Tourette syndrome. Wait.. all the kids are off on summer holidays right? ‘Cause I have a little black book full of hooker references I’ve been dying to use.

Last time I did something that could be described as a rampage I woke up on a cargo ship heading for Durban, South Africa with a unicorn tattoo on my inner thigh. Who knows what would happen if I had a pogo stick too.

Doodle God 2… so does this game pickup where the last one ended? Because in that one I had created a cyborg Olivia Munn with giant cyber-boobs, and I was hoping to upgrade her with a Ferrari torso but the game ended.

I don’t know about you, but I am completely prepared for the coming Bugocalypse. I have a custom made bee keeper suit, I’m learning Bzzznglish (the secret language of the insect world) and as a welcome gift I haven’t washed my dishes in 2 months.

I used to have a coworker that was definitely a Man in Gap. I never saw him wear anything but Gap shirts, pants, jackets and accessories. And after my suggestion for No-Pants-Wednesdays was greeted with great enthusiasm, I unfortunately found out his classic briefs are also Gap.

After I discovered this Christmas edition of Bloons 2, I admit I had one of my minor “episodes” and had to take a fistful of pills to settle down. But now that I’m all chillaxed I couldn’t care less if they make one for each of the 12 days of Christmas and OH GOD MY HANDS ARE HUGE

Ever since the talented Mr. Teale Fristoe released his first game Arachnophilia, there has been public outcry demanding another of his creations to worship. Gaming nerds have camped on his lawn like it’s Harry Potter release night, and tides of women have offered him their first born, almost enough to make my harem of supermodels seem insignificant (I said almost). Well my friends, today is the day.

I have been bamboozled many times in my day, and I’ve learned some lessons I’d like to share with you:
1) your financial adviser should never be someone called Martin McSleeze.
2) there is no such charity as “The Breast Implants for Self-Conscious Female Chimpanzees Foundation”

Instead of spending a day on the yacht with my three Brazilian supermodels wives, I decided to stay in and make not only an achievement for this game but also ones for Truck Loader and Nuclearoids. Now you can stop raping my inbox with all those “you’re a lazy good-for-nothing bum” emails. No wait, those are all from my dad.

I have mixed feelings about the characters in this game. The last bunny I met in a leather mask did not respect my safeword, which is not something I forgive easily. Though perhaps CARROT wasn’t the best word to use…

The last time I was surrounded by so many colored lasers I was dancing to C&C Music Factory at Club Roxxy in 1992. Coincidentally that was the same year I discovered the large lump on my left shoulder was actually the head of my parasitic twin Rupert.

But now I’m building…Sandcastles in the sand (Sandcastles in the sand)
Thought I could fly when you held my hand (Thought I could fly)
Eternity turns to black and white
It was the greatest week and a half of my life

I have to say, if the guys who load UPS trucks do the same job with boxes marked “Handle with Care” as I did in this game, I’m not surprised that my cookie jar collection arrived almost completely shattered. What? Cookie jars are totally manly and DO NOT indicate mother issues.

Shortly after I broke my personal record for the longest time sitting on the couch without getting up (84 hours), I developed something my doctor referred to as “Nuclearoids”. Basically it’s a hemorrhoid that evolves to the point where it can reproduce asexually and forge medieval era weapons.

There is only one reasonable explanation for the existence of the laws of physics, and that is that stacks of things are meant to be smashed to the ground in as violent a way as possible. This theory can also apply to sandcastles and Monopoly boards (but only when losing).

For me ‘hanger’ is the combination of hunger and anger when you’ve been looking for a place to eat for over two hours, and your blood sugar is so low that babies in strollers start looking like delicious turbaconduckens. Unfortunately no one made a game about that, so you’ll have to be happy with a *literal* hanger. I took comfort in the fact that he’s losing his limbs and bleeding.

In my career as a safe-cracker I was often hired by families of deceased oil magnates to break into all the safes on premises and find their wills, bonds, and gimp suit photos. I have to admit I was never payed to unleash the monster – unless we’re speaking metaphorically of course, but that’s whole different story.

Due to the delicate age of some of the members here, I was going to post an educational PSA talking about how eating too much candy is bad for your teeth, yadda yadda yadda. But then I remembered that getting cavities eventually leads to feeling like you’re in a Jefferson Airplane song, so go right ahead, but don’t forget to share your post-dentist appointment videos.

Once there was this kid who got into games on DYOG and couldn’t come to school.
But when he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white.
He said that it was from when the games were just too intense.Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

If you’ve ever been told that your talent for sitting in front of the computer and stuffing your face with Goldfish Crackers would get you nowhere in life, today is your day to prove the world wrong. It’s your time to shine chubby!

Shaun the Sheep is back, and he’s brought some naughty pigs for a picnic in the park. Throw in a bottle of Donum Pinot Noir and those piggies can eat slop off my bare belly for all I care. It’s wouldn’t be the first time.

Many times after a long day of nerding out on the computer I fall asleep with something that looks a lot like this game burnt into the back of my eyelids. When it’s still there in the morning, that’s my cue to take a vacation day.

Who do you call when the most precious diamond in the world has been stolen? A ninja with gigantism of the head, apparently. (And by the way badge freaks, there was also an achievement added to Grid16).

I was recently reminded that I haven’t put up any game achievements in almost a decade, so I did what any dedicated webmaster would do and I went to my lab and cloned a copy of myself to whip some up. Today’s game has ’em, and so does Flood Runner 2 and Sydney Shark. Incidentally, my clone came out female for some reason, and she’s super hot. Can I go there?

Believe it fruitcakes. If you have an iPhone or iPod Touch, just do the clickity-click to get yourself the greatest app since iBoobs. And I know you all don’t have iPhones to appreciate this with, so to celebrate I’ve re-released the original Flash version of Vector Runner and added 3 new achievements.

In my dreams the bloons and the monkey are reversed. I am in control of a flying Super Balloon, plowing through waves of airborne monkeys with a hailstorm of darts, showering the forest below in a rain of primate hair, blood and organs.

If any of you were totally freaked out by yesterday’s Hellspawn Huntsman Spider video, today I’m providing you with some free psychotherapy by letting you blast similar mutants from within the confines of an armored battle mech. They need to start selling those in Australia.

Well fruitcakes, it’s Christmas time, when we let in light and we banish shade. Wait, what? Nevermind. Anyways, I hope you all have a great Christmas (or whatever other holidays you baby Jesus haters might participate in), and remember – if you don’t get the gifts you want, don’t be sad, just make someone pay.

In this game you play as Samurai Tom Cruise, and must prevent your wife and daughter from escaping to freedom by slicing and dicing through the cyber-demons that protect them. Your only weapons: your trusted katana and the ability to control animals with your mind.

Sorry for the late game folks. For the first time in years I was in a situation where I couldn’t cobble together an internet connection. The old two-potatoes-wrapped-in-tinfoil-connected-by-pipe-cleaners trick didn’t even work. Anyways, now I present to you a game that may or may not feature an Ooga-Booga man. OMG RACISM!

If I were a zombie I wouldn’t bother running around trying to bite people in order to spread my undead infection. Instead, I would setup beside the road on days of large marathons and hand out water to runners from a barrel infected with my zombie saliva. See? Even dead I’m still brilliant.

Power Pinball… reminds me of a game the big kids used to play with me in the schoolyard called “Power Pooball”. If I lost I had to lick a big dry white dog poo, and if I won I got to lick a big dry white dog poo. Childhood, such crazy good times! *cries*

I know you guys think I spend all my time oil wrestling supermodels and saving forest animals from the California wildfires, but honestly that’s only about 95% of my day. The other 5% I spend making terrific games like this one. It’s sort of a retro post-apocalyptic shooter with – UH OH GISELE HAS ME IN AN ARMBAR BRB

One day they won’t be called vending machines anymore. They will be called REPLICATORS, and cruiseships will be called starships and everyone will wear tights. Everyday will be a new and exciting adventure, except for days in the holodeck. Those will be kind of boring.

What kinds of things would you put in a super briefcase do you think? Not just boring old papers. I imagine it would be filled with gold bullion, East German pickles, futuristic weapons, and one of those Swiss Army Knives that has like a HUNDRED things in it.

I’ve always had trouble with the word “shuriken”. I just want to say “shrunken”, and trying to say it the right way makes my lips pucker up like I’m kissing a wet piece of liver and the sound that comes out is more like chronic stuttering than it is human speech. So I just call them throwing stars.

This game is purdy, unlike your comments, which will still be plain and anonymous looking because I haven’t fixed that bug yet. I’d get to it sooner, but this lack of fruit baskets is really affecting my productivity.

So this orc walks into a bar with a duck, and he says to the bartender… Actually wait – before I go any further are we sure that’s an orc? Is there a nerd out there who can confirm whether that’s an orc or not?

I have no idea how to submit scores in this game and that giant hand looks way too much like a spider for me to want to stick around and figure it out. You’re on your own kids! I’m off to get a burrito and a Thai massage. Okay, maybe just a burrito.

I’ve played this game for a while now and although I have seen many many booms I have not seen a single vector. As an experienced game developer I would like to recommend some names that might be a bit more appropriate – for instance, just “Boom”, or “Space Boom”, or maybe “Vince Shlomi and the Sham Wows”.

I feel a little bad posting this game, since it’s such a screaming clone of Winterbells, but I love the gameplay and this version has leaderboards we can use. But at least the guy came up with an original theme – bloons and a monkey. Oh, wait…

You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise. It’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

Teale Fristoe, the man and the magic behind Arachnophilia, is hard at work on a new game called Xaat Disi: The Salmon Run Game. Today we’re offering you a special 2 level sneak peek. You may see a short survey after you play – filling it out will help Teale make the game better, and help me deal with these painful foot bunions.

The most annoying thing about monstars is that they’re scary and occupy valuable closet space. The most annoying thing about Death is that he’s always trying to end my life and sometimes he forgets to flush. So Death wins this round in my books.

I’ve always felt there’s no better way to start off the weekend than by getting beaten in a game involving a paddle. And in other news, I think I just got fired. No, wait – I’m the only one that works here. We’re all good.

Here at Dig Your Own Grave I like things to be not just entertaining, but also educational. That’s why I sometimes provide interesting facts to go along with the posts. For instance, have you ever wondered what would happen if a pinball machine and a raw fish got together and made sweet sweet love?

When I was a kid I used to dream of stomping through the countryside in a giant robotic suit. Now I just dream of stomping through my apartment in a black rubber suit with… you know, lets just forget I said that.

Well today is President’s Day in the US, and we all know what that means. It means I can sit here on my couch in pantless glory until midnight and nobody can say a damn thing about it. Sometimes I like to refer to this particular holiday by it’s more common name – “Monday”.

Now the way I was raised, the term “Eskimo” is not considered very politically correct. The preferred term is actually “Inuit”. And we all know what that means – it’s time for you to rise up and fight this injustice. And it’s time for me to see what’s on the Tivo.

I’m not going to go into details, but the last time I experienced a giant diamond being tossed into the ocean under a beautiful sunset was my famous botched wedding proposal of 1997. Note to self: next time try waiting for the restraining order to expire before proposing.

So the other day this pretty influential guy was talking to me, and he was like, “Admin, you are so super cool the way you make games and stuff”. And I was like, “Thanks God, you’re pretty cool yourself, the way you created the universe and stuff. Oh, except for the part where you made testicles on the outside.” Seriously, what’s up with that?

The title of this game promised me cursors. When I read “Cursor Chaos” I picture an orgy of multi-colored arrows, hourglasses, and pointing fingers, all shooting me, shooting each other, insulting my mother, crying, peeing on my couch, and making out with Cindy Seabrook in the closet. I’m not going to lie, I was a little disappointed.

Anyone who’s at least 400 years old like I am might remember my favorite childhood nursery rhyme, “Roly Poly pudding and blackberry pie…”. This game reminded me of that, so I used the google to find out what roly-poly is. Turns out it’s actually a disgusting bug. My childhood was a lie.

If I built a castle and it looked even half as silly as some of these, I would construct a trebuchet using the bones of my wife, the tendons from my children, and the hide of my dog. I would launch my own body at the castle over and over until it was completely destroyed and any trace of the shame it brought to me was erased from existence.

Well I don’t know about you kids, but I had a great weekend. From Friday evening to Monday morning a pair of pants never touched my legs, the only air I breathed was recycled from the vent of an XBox 360, and oh! I found a hot dog under the couch cushions. Don’t worry, I got my dog to lick the lint off before I ate it.

When I first read the title of this game I assumed they meant Sass! Zombie Assault, and that all the characters would be… uh.. doing whatever sassy people do. But it gave me the idea that we should have a little game and try to come up with what we think SAS means. First person to give the correct answer is a moron.

Halitosis, more commonly referred to as “bad breath”, can be quite a serious problem if one isn’t vigilant about maintaining proper oral hygiene. Thankfully, I can say that it’s never been a problem for me. Isn’t that right ladies? Uh… ladies?

Thanks to a bit of fancypants new technology, you can now submit highscores for some games – like this one – without a screenshot. Just login and submit your score in-game at the end. And it’s also got an achievement! That’s right kiddos, Christmas did just come early.

Well fruitcakes, another Christmas is upon us. I hope yours is very merry and you have a safe and happy time over the holidays. And always remember the lessons the baby jesus has taught us: it is your birthright to receive gifts today, and webmasters are super sexy.

Okay, I realize yesterday’s game might have been a little too academic for some, so today we’re just going to blow holes in stuff. Blow holes in your knowledge of architecture and geography that is! Huzzah!

If you’re anything like me, the first thing that comes to mind when you hear ‘pool’, is ‘swimming pool’. And thinking of a swimming pool makes me want to pee in it, because it’s such a warm, friendly feeling. And by this point I’ve usually wet my pants.

There is a common misconception that pandas are cute and cuddly, but a select few of us know the real truth: pandas are bastards. They’re only interested in three things: stealing, panda gangbangs, and sneezing. Shoot on sight I say!

If you played the prequel to this game, 3 Hours in an Outhouse Tank, you may be hesitant to give this one a try. Understandable, but I can assure you that 3 Minutes on the Beach is a much more relaxing and enjoyable experience. Unless you’re into that outhouse stuff, pervert.

I think we can all agree that Zombie Baseball is about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball. But let’s be honest, clipping your toenails is also about 100% more entertaining than regular baseball.

This game is quite the bang for the buck. As well as being a relaxing way to spend a Tuesday afternoon, you can also collect the blood that sprays out of your ears when the music starts, and keep it in your fridge if you ever need a transfusion.

I always face a bit of a moral quandary when I post a game involving drugs. In the end I usually dedide that it’s not my place to try and tell you whether or not I think drugs are bad. That’s something you have to decide on your own. By taking mountains of drugs. And seeing if they make you feel awesome or not.

I’m still not sold on this whole gravity business. I know a while back we determined that gravity makes pooping more pleasant, but beyond that I’m still not seeing many positives. In my version of heaven I’m just floating around town in my underwear. Oh, and don’t forget about the puppies. There are floating puppies everywhere.

It’s common knowledge to those of us in the science community that spiders (known to the more educated as arachnids), are actually the direct descendants of giant lizards, monsters, the devil, Stephen King, and cats.

In celebration of the new school year, today’s game is all about arithmetic. And don’t you dare think of complaining! If you want to be smart and successful like me, you have to learn your maths. It’s easy – just add up numbers until you reach 10. For instance: 2 + 4 + uh..7 + uh… 8… teen… Hey, look! Free XBox! *runs away*

You thought I was kidding about Fish Week didn’t you? Honestly I had my doubts as well, but I tell you – it doesn’t matter how crazy your dream is, with a little elbow grease and some help from your friends, anything is possible. Especially if one of your friends is the baby Jesus.

And so The Great Fish Week of 2008 comes to a close. Truthfully, I’m a little sad. We had some good times with those slimey little guys, but all good things must come to an end. Anyways, I gotta get this trout out of my pants now.

In my version of heaven, I’m running around buck naked in a town painted in all primary colors. Every time I push three like-colored objects together they explode in a shower of skittles and puppy dog kisses, to the sound of wind chimes and children’s laughter. Oh, and there are strippers everywhere.

The game may not look like much, but you should give it a shot. Believe me kids, looks aren’t everything. I realize that might sound silly coming from a man who has amassed a multimillion dollar fortune through male modeling contracts, but a little bit of heart goes a long way too.

I’ve got nothing folks. Here we have yet another game featuring a screen full of balls, but after all these years there is not a single joke left in the great Encyclopedia Balltanica. I am in desperate need of some new material! Maybe someone could create a game where you have to strangle chickens? Or punish a naughty monkey…

Ever since the beginning of THE WAR ON TERROR, one has to be very careful about using the B-word in public. You know what I’m talking about, right? The B-thing that does the e-thing? Yeah? The… you know… a… *cough* bomb *cough* So anyways, this game OH GOD THEY’VE FOUND ME PLEASE I’M A WEBMASTER NOT A TERRORI-

It’s almost not fair for me to put up 3D avoider games, since this is the birthplace of the shining light in all our lives known as Vector Runner – however – I do like the style of this one. The house music soundtrack actually inspired me to crack and shake my very last glowstick. Unfortunately that old hit of ecstasy I had doesn’t seem to be work… wait… I… want to make love to my lamp.

What would you do if you owned a real life UFO? Take a trip to the moon? Abduct some cows? Right at this moment, I personally would take it to Dairy Queen. Peanut Buster Parfaits and chicks – need I say more?

Although my motocross racing days are behind me (thanks to a massive groin injury), I can still enjoy this… hmmm? Oh, no, the groin injury wasn’t caused by racing. How? Well, I really can’t get into it here… but let’s just say it involved Petra Nemcova, 20 gallons of grape jello, and a full grown whippet.

Do not be fooled loyal followers! I have learned that the delicious looking baked goods in this game are not in fact frosty cupcakes, but rather tasteless, crumbly muffins. The developer responsible for this is nothing but a vile temptress, and I will never forgive him for this cruel deception.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing stylings of Music Catch. Enjoy it for hours with a warm cup of herbal tea and feel all your tensions slowly melt awa.. OH GOD THE BABY HAS CRAWLED OFF THE BALCONY

It’s tough for me to decide what I like better, Bejeweled clones, or Poppit clones. It’s kind of like trying to decide between death by fuzzy puppy kisses, or death by Brazilian supermodel kisses. It just depends on my mood.

Although every fiber of my being rejects the concept of defending cabbage, those rabbits are freaky looking enough that I can still make this work. All thanks to my belief that anything ugly should be destroyed.

Tired of boring, predictable games? Has the same-old-same-old got you down? Well rejoice, for the next Dig Your Own Grave exclusive has arrived! I am so here for you fruitcakes. I am your pusher. I am your fat sweaty sugar daddy. I am the cushion for your pushin. I… might have crossed the line with that last one.

The day I see a cupcake lying on the ground and don’t immediately eat it is the same day I put on a Wonder Woman suit and ride around town on a flying pig. I’m sorry guys, but for this game you’re on your own.

This one is just like Bejeweled – except instead of sparkling gems, you have smelly fish. Also, when you lose you suffocate and die on the bottom of the ocean. And although they don’t show it, I’m pretty sure those same smelly fish start eating your body (sort of like this). But otherwise it’s exactly like Bejeweled.

Have you ever fantasized about being the pilot of your very own giant Mech? Well now that perverse fantasy is only a click away! Although if the Mech in your fantasies had the ability to move, you might be a little disappointed.

Not since R.S.V.P – The Racial Segregation Party have I been so disgusted with a game. How many years has it taken us to overcome our prejudices? And then a little game like this comes along and tries to teach us that it does matter whether you’re black or white. Well shame on you game developers. SHAME ON YOU!

Click groups of three or more like-colored blocks to make them disappear. Don’t let the blocks reach the top or something bad will happen. I’m not going to say exactly what, but it may involve your mom, three stray cats, 1 jar of spaghetti sauce, former UFC heavyweight champion Tim ‘The Maniac’ Sylvia, and a lightbulb.

You’re on your own for this one guys. I have a fear of spiders that is all too real, and a reaction to seeing them that is all too feminine. As soon as those fat mutants started crawling down the screen I yelped like a chihuahua and ran straight into the bathroom.

You may have wanted to kill yourself while playing Paint Wars, but it was necessary in order to get your wrist in tip-top shape for today’s game. You see? I wasn’t doing it to punish you, I’m just trying to make you into a better gamer. And give you carpal tunnel syndrome. Play on medium or hard for highscores.

Yipes! Evil tar bugs are invading the garden and it’s up to you to take command of the seed army and save the day. Personally I’d just unload a few cans of Raid Â® Extra Strength Bug Armageddon, but hey whatever works for you.

Well here’s your last game for 2007. And there have been so many games! So which one was your favorite? Vector Runner? How about besides Vector Runner? Oh, the Huge Manatee? Oh gosh, you guys flatter me.

With the imminent deployment of the National Missile Defense System, the great country of America no longer needs to fear the once dreaded “Mutually Assured Destruction” doomsday scenario. Now we can focus our fears on issues closer to home, such as, “Is there something under my bed?”, “Will I die alone?”, and “OMG I just burped in her face I hope she couldn’t smell that”.

Time to blend up some pig snouts and meat scraps! You’ve just started a new job as a hot dog vendor on the busy streets of New York, and the hungry customers are already beginning to line up. And don’t worry if a pigeon or rat falls into your hot dog mix – any real hot dog fan knows that’s just extra flavor.

Now before you start getting all up in the comments with your NOT ANOTHER TOWER DEFENSE GAME!!!!!!1s, I want you to turn off the capslock and ask yourself, do I see any towers?Am I doing any “defending”? Actually, forget that last question. Just answer the one about the towers.

I decided that for this year’s Thanksgiving post I would do a Google search for “shoot turkeys and or pilgrims game” and take the first relevant result I could find. And this is it. And it’s also the last time I’m ever going to do that.

Hurray, hoorah, it’s another DDR keyboard game. But this one throws in color-matching to infuriate the color blind, and an excruciating soundtrack to lobotomize anyone unfortunate enough to own computer speakers. And why you ask? Because life’s just not hard enough.

We’re all pretty smart here. ‘Edumacated’ and what not. I know you don’t need me to tell you about Newton’s most famous Law, the Third Law of Motion. That one that states for each and every reaction there is another thing that happens, and that I’m super cool, and score with all the ladies, and all that. Common knowledge, right?

Phew! Check this game out. I haven’t seen that many polar bears since the Furry Convention back in Schaumburg last year. Not that I was there or anything. I just heard about it from some friends who were there. Friends who aren’t Furries. Friends of friends, actually. I’m completely hairless truth be told.

Fear not, citizens of Earth! When goofy galactic robots invade, you will be there to fight off the invasion. The government has surgically removed your skeleton to provide you with greater agility, and attached powerful automatic weapons to your hands for combat (they are also auditing you for the 2006 tax year to increase your aggression).

That’s right folks. It’s time for another Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. I know! It’s totally crazy. We’re pooping these things out like we just ate them for breakfast. This game features some old-skool 3D vector graphics, and a pace so fast that we can actually 100% guarantee you’ll have a stroke. Enjoy!UPDATE: Now available – Vector Runner iPhone!

Just look at all those sad faces. Thankfully it’s not an Elliott Smith concert, it’s just the new hit game Blocky! Now it’s up to your to free all those frowns or who knows what they’ll do. Thank goodness they don’t have arms…

The rules of the game are simple enough. Destroy everything in your path in the virtual world, all while destroying your ENTER key in the real world. Make sweet love to the wind, and poop out some tornado babies.

Some people say that violent video games are a bad influence on our children, but I say we should just shoot those people to make them shut up. Try to break the logic in that statement my friends. It’s a little something I like to call absolute brilliance.

Today I am pleased to announce the launch of our very first Dig Your Own Grave exclusive game. And let me tell you, I couldn’t be more excited. The game features some of my most favorite things in the world, including guns, giant explosions, advanced force-field technology, and of course, shooting endangered manatees.

There’s an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, smash those *#$&%s into the ground with the largest club you can find. Fill the streets with their sour citrus blood until not a single one is left whole”. Or… something like that.

In this game you have to try and save Sir Whitey McBlockster from a deadly pool of rising lava. It takes a combination of luck, strategy, and patience to do well, but with practice you can actually get some pretty high scores.

Here is yet another games about balls. It’s creator goes by the name of Robin K. I just want to make sure you’re clear on this, since holding the #1 spot on the leaderboard will obviously make you the undisputed master of Robin K’s Balls.

Good news, it’s time to finally put your civil engineering degree to use. Somebody needs you to build the tallest tower in the world, and they don’t care if you use the earthquake building codes as toilet paper. So what are you waiting for? Get off your duff and get into that crane!

You kids and your trendy ‘old skool’ 8-bit games… Bah! When I was a kid we only had 1-bit games and our monitors were 1×1 resolution. Basically the screen would just flash black and white until you vomited, so don’t you dare complain about this sweet little Atari 2600 Dodge ‘Em knock-off.

In an attempt to add some excitement to an otherwise very mellow game, the rest of this post will be in German. Die Luftblase Schweine ausrotten, die deinen desktop Schirm eingedrungen haben! Dein Land hÃ¤ngt von dir ab!

Atom Juggler is like that old Juggler game, but in this one you get to juggle atoms. Just like those clown scientists you always see downtown. Anyways… don’t forget you can press pause during the game and buy powerups for your paddle!

We have your grandmother. She is tied to her rocking chair and suspended above a giant pit of cobras, spiders, wet cats, and drunk bridesmaids. To get her back safely you must follow this link and then keep the little blue square inside the big orange square for at least 60 seconds. Do it, or granny goes bye-bye!

The greatest minds in computer science have banded together to create a revolutionary new gaming experience. And if anyone knows anything about it, let me know. In the mean time here’s a game featuring some triangles and circles that makes you hate your hands.

This one is easy enough, and it’s also a good test of your hand-mouse-eye coordination. Just click on the discs while your cursor is hidden. If you miss, you lose (and somewhere in the world a puppy dies).

There is a stinky grey coconut shaped thing inside your skull. Some people call it a “brain” although you may have heard it referred to as “the enemy of the thing in your pants” or perhaps “your greatest disapointment”. Anyways, you’re going to need it for this one…

One sure-fire way to produce a hit game is to take two classic games and merge them into one. But if you want your new game to be extra awesome, then you also need to incorporate pooping. For poop makes everything better – it’s a scientific fact.

Don’t ask me how to play because I didn’t bother reading the instructions either. Just make your own pixel monster, press some buttons, and at some point take a screenshot so you can show him off to the rest of us. My guy over there is modelled off of me in that he is very skilled at smashing things but at the same time not nearly as good-looking.

Don’t turn your back on this one. It may look straight forward, but it will mess with your head. It wants to break your mojo. It will insult your mother. It’s got the hots for your sister. It will steal your dog and rename him ‘Douche’. It has no respect for you or your silly three dimensions. You’ve been warned!

One step up on the neo-retro evolutionary scale from Dot Action 2!, comes the pixelriffic Gamma Bros. A story of two brothers and… I’m not sure actually, seeing as there’s no story. Let’s just say they’re looking for their lost parents. Space parents. And there’s an evil villain. Probably a giant space cat.

Wake up everyone! It’s time to get your squishy lazy brains back into shape with a soothing math game. I know that ‘math’ and ‘soothing’ don’t exactly sound exciting, but if you don’t do well at this game those blue circles will literally crawl out of the screen and eat your face. I’m not kidding!

Folks, get ready to do some arrow key smashin’ and swear-word cussin’, because these rude little SOBs do not want to let you through. By the way, Pushies is another great recommendation from our Forum Fruitcakes. If you’ve got a Dig Your Own Grave account you can jump right in and have your say too!

Luminara is the by-product of Ellipsis and the classic arcade game Asteroids getting together and making sweet, sweet, videogame love. And it’s not gross, it’s a perfectly natural way for two videogames to show that they love each other.

Sure you guys may be great at shooting zombies and performing lethal back kicks with stickmen, but how are your bubble popping skills? Not bad you say? WRONG. THEY ARE WEAK. And you are weak. Now get in there and burst some bubbles. I demand no less than excellence from my Flash warriors.

Boomshine is another great suggestion from our Forums. Turn up the soothing music, click the circles, and watch them s-plode. And remember, you can never actually lose in this game, you can only quit. You’re not a quitter are you?

Do you hate balls? How about primary colors? Circles get you down? Then for the love of god don’t go anywhere near this game. It hates you as much as you hate it and it will sleep with your wife, make friends with your children, and tell your boss what you really do at work all day.

If you were a pirate and you ran out of cannonballs for your cannon, what would you do? That’s right, you’d start firing your pirate buddies out of your cannon instead. Because you are a pirate, and you are so crazy-out-of-your-mind that it’s awesome. If you were a ninja you’d probably just cry.

If there’s one thing that bees love, its coins. And stinging other bees. And thus is the paradox of your life as a bee. Collecting coins but not getting stung by your fellow bees while you do it. And rocking hard, don’t forget you always got to rock it hard.

There are two distinct things you hear while playing this game. The first is the oddly enjoyable soundtrack, and the second sound, which is sort of like a high pitched whine, is your eyes drying up into little white raisins because you haven’t blinked for the past 10 minutes.

The controls in this game make me want to pry out my teeth with a spoon, but once you get the hang of them the game is pretty cool. Especially the way the guys blow up and one of their body parts looks like a honey baked ham. A delicious honey baked ham. It’s really the only reason I play.

Welcome to the offices of Gung-Ho Ltd., a company where subordinate workers slave 14 hours a day to assemble plastic products with badly spelled labels. If this game hits a little too close to home, I apologize. If youâ€™re still in school, wellâ€¦ welcome to your future!

Folks, it’s time to take your Xtreme sports pastime to the next level. Leave your parachute at home, but don’t forget a bag of Doritos and a six-pack of Monster Energy Drink. We’re going Cliff Diving. Xtreme Cliff Divingâ„¢.

You fruitcakes asked for it, and now you’ve got it: Nanaca†Crash!!. So pause that episode of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and put down your Jigglypuff doll. It’s time to save the world, crazy-ass Japanese style!

I hate to disappoint you guys, but today’s game has nothing to do with defecation or flatulation. But you know, that’s what imaginations are for, right? Like right now I’m imagining that I’m sitting in a beanbag chair with no pants on. And it’s totally awesome.

I was shocked to hear that some people were a little offended by yesterday’s donkey-dung kicking game. To those that were offended I humbly offer you my apologies, and also an alternate game for you to play that has nothing to do with pooping or farting. It is called ‘Fart Fart’ and it is about farting.

Hey, I think I’ve got a better name for this game. Maybe TOO DAMN HARD Syndrome or perhaps ARE YOU KIDDING ME Syndrome. I was also thinking that it might be easier if you didn’t have to create those loops to clear away parts of the board, but instead you had some sort of explosive device, maybe like grenades or a low-yield nuclear weapon.

What do you get when you cross today’s brightest minds in software engineering with the latest advancements in graphical acceleration technology? You get a game with two geometric shapes and two colors. But it is kinda fun.

I’m not sure what is more challenging, keeping my bug going for as long as possible, or stopping myself from clicking so fast that I skip right over my score and start the game again. I’ve never yelled so much at my finger in my life; it’s like it has a mind of its own. A cheeky mind.

What do you get when you cross the classic stylings of Asteroids with Macromedia Flash, 32 bit color, love, modern peripherals, a webmaster who only wears pants by court order, and delicious carrot cake? A frickin’ good time, that’s what.

It’s not as pretty as Storm the House, but it’s a little easier to play. And you get to blast helicopters. Would it cause you discomfort to know that the helicopters are piloted by puppies and kittens? It’s true. And they’re awfully cute. In fact I think they’re wearing bow-ties! Adorable!

I’m not sure that this game is any good or not, but damned if it isn’t the most relaxing thing I’ve ever played. The sounds are really gentle, and even the enemies are all slow and laid back. They’re like, “Chill dude, we’re coming to get you, we’re just gonna grab some lunch first; haven’t eaten all day mon amigo!”

If right now you have the option of trying this game or instead heading to the bathroom and smoking a giant brick of crack cocaine, I would highly recommend that sweet, sweet crack cocaine. It’s scientifically proven to be less addictive, and who needs teeth anyways?

Mondays… Now I don’t want to be at work any more than you do, but there are easier ways to get fired. So put your pants back on and let’s do it the right way by playing flying hamster games on the company dime. This one is a lot like Kitten Cannon, only it’s a little less random because you can use your mouse to control how the hamster glides.

We haven’t done a puzzle game for a while have we? I’m pretty sure we haven’t. This game was originally created ten thousand years ago circa 21 A.D. by ancient Mesopotamian goat farmers as a way to pass the time between their morning chores and Viking attacks. Aaaaaaaand… I just made that up.

If Ragdoll Avalanche and Squares 2 went and had hot, sweaty Flash game intercourse, then Jazzy Ragdoll would be their love child. And as an added challenge to this game, try listening to the music in the opening menu for over 5 minutes without going completely insane. Two games in one! Hurrah!

This game brings back such fond holiday memories for me. Every Christams me and my dad used to play a real-life game that was very similar to Sober Santa. My dad would be Santa, only without the santa costume or white beard, and instead of picking up presents he would throw potted plants at me and call me “fairygirl”.

One of the oldest and most popular games on Dig Your Own Grave is Cubefield. It’s so simple a two-fingered monkey could play it, but at the same time it’s so fun that you will spontaneously burst into tears of joy while playing it. And, we’ve just set it up with our new High Scores system, so you might want to check that all out before you officially become the lamest lame-o on the block.

Join the age-old battle between the bees against the wasps! You are the last line of defense for your hive, and unless you defend it there will be no more delicious honey for us to put on our toast and in our tea. Yes that’s right, tea without honey. You know what you need to do…

I like this game because it has three different game modes. And that means I can dominate all of you in three different ways using only a single game. It’s like triple-domination time, baby. Prepare to be dominated. Three times.

This game is not Pacman. It is something far better. It is Pacxon. Do not play Pacxon if you are sensitive to or have ever had an allergic reaction to it. Do not play Pacxon for at least 14 days after taking a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAO inhibitor) such as the antidepressants Nardil and Parnate. Pacxon and MAO inhibitors may interact to cause a sharp, potentially life-threatening rise in blood pressure.

Here’s a fluffy white snowball game to start off your week. The object of the game is to roll your balls so that they are at least as big as my balls. And mine, if I hadn’t mentioned it already, are absolutely gigantic. You have your mission.

Now that you’ve had all this practice playing Double Wires, you can move on to the more challenging Pendulumeca. The principle is the same but you’ve only got one wire and it’s faster paced. And crappier. Kind of like your score compared to mine. Which was 220m.

I love these little games that only take 15 seconds to play. 15 seconds to demonstrate my complete dominance over a pair of balls. Uh… wait… Well anyways, 18.148 seconds to be exact. Beat that show-offs!!

This is one of those games that the more I play, the worse I get. And that makes me want to play it more, which makes me suck at it even harder. It’s a vicious cycle, and it will end with me naked, crying, and possibly in the wrong apartment. 66.13 was my best, but that was many games ago…

Oh noes! You’re the switchboard operator at a hugely important company, and the phones are ringing off the hook! And because your boss didn’t purchase Nortel’s Business Communication System, you’re pretty much going to have to cut off your eyelids just to make it through the day. BLINKING IS FAILURE.

Click… click.click..clickclick click.. click. clickclickclickclick. Click your way to a painful yet well-deserved RSI in this pretty little mouse-clicker. Honestly, I’ve never been so mad at a yellow square before in my life. By the way, Level 21 is as high as you can get. Why? Because that’s as far as I got and nobody is better than me. Duh.

A little earlier tonight I found this odd little game, played it, and decided it stunk. It’s been about 3 hours now and for some reason I still haven’t stopped playing it. I’m getting really hungry, I’m pretty sure I’ve wet myself at least twice, and I think the kitchen’s on fire. But I’m up to 360 points! 360. Believe it.

You might think that because this game is called ‘Red’ that it has something to do with Communism. And you would be absolutely right. I base that statement on nothing other than extreme paranoia and what some have called a ‘wild, dangerous’ imagination. Use your breast-shaped turret to blast those commie rocks back into the potato fields of Mother Russia. Freedom and Democracy are counting on you!

Put aside your feelings about mice and help this little rodent stuff his belly with mountains of delicious cheese! I’m just going to leave my highscore in the comments. If I wrote it right up here the demoralizing wave that would blast out of your computer when you read it would probably kill you.

It’s been a while since we put up a shooter, but before you start hammering your spacebar back into the stone ages, read the instructions. The point of this one is to build up points by doing combos. Using your mouse you can lock onto multiple targets at once and blow them to bits with a single shot. The more points you get, the longer the game lasts.

Do you hate one-eyed one-horned monsters? Me too! Let’s smash their heads with a hammer. This game may seem easy at first, but it starts messing with you after a while… trust me. And if the game doesn’t seem easy at first, it’s because you’re playing it with the number keys at the top of the keyboard and not the ones on the number-pad silly!

Help the poor little boneless man avoid the metal spikes raining down from the sky! I was able to dodge 135. Coincidentally that is the same number of pushups I do every morning. Right before I head off to male supermodel school. Just some little facts I thought you might be interested in… *cough* ladies.

This game seems almost impossible at first, but once you learn to use the shadow of the ball to help you position your tiles it gets pretty fun. Currently I hold the highscore of 3600, which makes me the Poom-Master, or ‘Poomaster’ for short. Hey, wait a minute…

Those of you that like the reflex-type games are going to have a good time with this one. And if you also like really crappy euro-house music from the ninties that loops every 2 seconds then you can take this game straight to the bank! As usual I will set the bar impossibly high with my best score of 3897. Oui, oui… how you say… eat it?

Another simple little flash game. The point of this one is to throw your knives directly into the girls face. And it’s pretty damn hard unl… hmmmmm? What? Well that’s what I said: throw the knives into the targets without hitting the girl in the face. Duh.

It’s been a dogs age since we posted a game so I thought it would be nice to find a great one and put it up for you. But this isn’t it. This is just some strange game about flowers with really soothing background noises that I just can’t stop playing. Which is odd because I haven’t even figured out the rules yet.

Littlegrey Chatter Box

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