For some reason, people still like to give Hockey’s Future some kind of credibility when it comes to scouting and writing.

Frankly, I think they fail miserably at both. If you have an Internet connection and can memorize the hockeydb.com URL, you have met the prerequisites for being a Hockey’s Future writer! Mazel tov!

They published something yesterday called the Nashville Predators Depth Analysis, Fall 2011. It was penned by a bloke named Evgeny Oliker.

I encourage you to read the whole abomination, but here are some cherry-picked highlights. Starting with a quote from the introduction.

During the past five seasons, the Predators have only had one forward surpass the thirty goal mark. A new fleet of forwards can change that history and write its own.

Changing history. Yep. Good luck changing things that have already happened. Unless Taylor Beck and Michael Latta will be playing the parts of Bill and Ted, and strange things will be afoot at the Circle K. (Who would Rufus be in this scenario? Stortini maybe?)

On Gabriel Bourque…

Now in his second season in the AHL, it will be crucial for Bourque to show that he can improve on those totals and continue to prove his doubters wrong.

Who are these doubters you speak of? And what exactly are they saying about him that he must disprove?

On Ben Ryan…

Ben Ryan’s professional career may be in jeopardy as his goal totals in the CCHA have dropped for the past few seasons.

Sorry Ben, your goal totals have decreased in the past few seasons at Notre Dame, including that one year you only played in 29 games… So much for being a professional hockey player. Anything that you actually do now as a pro is meaningless compared to your college stats. If only you could have scored two more goals your senior year, the Hockey’s Future writer would have lost his justification for ending your career.

On Juuso Puustinen…

Puustinen can be compared to current Predators forward Patric Hornqvist in terms of style of play. Like Hornqvist, Puustinen has a knack for scoring goals around the net and loves to shoot.

Puustinen can be compared to Hornqvist in terms of hair color and continent they were born on. I don’t think any of his five goals have been garbage goals around the net so far this year.

On Charles-Olivier Roussel…

Charles-Olivier Roussel is a great all-around defenseman who can contribute offensively, defensively and even play a physical game when needed.

I’m just going to re-write this one. Charles-Olivier Roussel is a defenseman. (pause). He was sent back to juniors for a 5th year because he’s not a very good defenseman. The fact that Hockey’s Future lists him as the 6th best prospect in the organization is really all the evidence you need to remove a level or two of credibility.

On Scott Valentine…

Scott Valentine is a very mean defenseman…

Okay, there was more to the sentence….it went on to say how many penalty minutes he logged last year, because OBVIOUSLY one’s penalty minutes is proportionate to one’s meanness quotient. But still. All you have to say about that guy is that he’s “very mean”? Was your source his 2nd grade teacher?

On Teemu Laakso…

The problem that Laakso faces is that he does not have any outstanding qualities.

I bet he’s a better writer than you are.

And finally, on Chet Pickard…

Chet Pickard was picked 18th overall in 2008. However, being picked that high can at times be a curse for a goalie.

Sure. Chet Pickard is cursed because of where he was drafted. Nah, I don’t think Chet is cursed. I think he lets in too many bad goals. That’s all, really. Yet they still have him higher on the prospect list than Jeremy Smith?

Ryan, I think I was more offended by your writing. I mean, Zack Stortini as Rufus? Come on! There has never been, nor will there ever be, a hockey player born on this planet that can be compared to the late, great George Carlin.

HFBoards are a bunch of hacks. I swear all they do is look up articles written by some other unknowing hack and re-arrange the words or as you say, just look at stats on hockeydb. There’s more intelligence in the “What’s Your Favorite Beer” thread on hockeyfights…

That Hockey’s Future and Hockey’s Future Boards maintains a relationship is all one should need to know. There’s an air of “We’re the smartest people in the room” that permeates everything attached to Hockey’s Future. If you don’t agree with them, heaven help you.