Dear Faiza,
HELP! I’m so confused! So, a friend of mine for years approached me speaking about marriage and about how he had already spoken to his mother about me. I asked to get to know him a bit better before we proceed further. He then asked if I have gone all the way before, and being the sweet girl I am, I was completely honest with him. After that, I realized that he has been wanting to F around ever since. I stopped him, and put him back in his place. What confuses me is that I don’t know if my answer to his question changed my image to him, and tbh, he got me to a new low in my life. What should I do and how do you think I can handle this situation?
A Girl In The Arab World

Dear Girl In An Arab World,

I don’t know why the V question is one that seems to be asked by certain men as a normal formality, and yet it’s not a question we women consider asking them. I believe it’s completely inappropriate for a man to ask a woman this question. Even if it was, “Have you ever F’d around,” it comes back to the real question they want to know: “Are you a Virgin or not?” I think it’s also your right to completely reject answering this question with a simple, “That’s a very inappropriate question to ask a woman.” We don’t respond this way, because we’re afraid that answer might mean we’re not virgins, and therefore, a major slut. But that’s not the case at all. Your virginity, or lack thereof, should NOT be open for discussion by anyone, unless YOU would like to discuss it yourself; and by that I mean YOU initiate the conversation for whatever reason.

Here’s the Hard Truth: in cultures like the Arab culture they value a woman’s decency and self worth based solely on her V Card; a woman will always be judged on whether she is, or is not, a Virgin. This will never change for many of the men who stubbornly cling to this cave man mentality. So it is up to us WOMEN to take a stand on it! Now, I’m not telling you to start a revolution, but rather, not to be afraid to answer with, “That’s a very offensive question to ask a woman!” You should never have answered that question, because it’s only feeding the cultural belief that a woman’s worth is valued by the writing on her V-Card. Whether you’re a virgin, have F’d around or not, is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS! Just as you wouldn’t ask him about his past and if he’s F’d around, or not. Never mind the fact that if he’s Muslim, he shouldn’t have F’d around either, considering the faith isn’t sexiest like the culture. Both women, and MEN, are to have clean V-Cards. Not just women!!!

Your body belongs to YOU! Your past is YOURS! You share both with someone worthy of that information. Not some Fuckboy who’s only going to use that information, to try and shish kabob with you, or worse, use it to guilt, belittle, or threaten your reputation, as it has been done to countless women.

This boy was not worth your time, energy, or you belittling or feeling badly about yourself. We all make mistakes. Seek forgiveness from the ONLY person who can judge, and forgive you: God! Not any man!

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I’m not sure Faiza. Like I def think it sucks how we as women are supposed to be virgins and everything, especially considering how culture plays such a huge role in the V card thing. At the same time, especially with Arab guys I don’t see an Arab guy being ok with leaving the issue undiscussed or the answer not answered. I’m not saying that all guys are the same. Rather, I think that Arab guys in general would not be ok with that. So you either have to answer one way or another OR choose to REALLY narrow your pool. I speak from experience as I’ve found my honesty with guys on this subject has made me lose all hope of ever getting married to an Arab guy. I’ve literally had good guys walk away when it came to that topic and “coming clean.” I also heard that if they are ok with it, it becomes a point for them to insult the girl later on in the marriage. They just aren’t ok with it! So what does a good Arab Muslim girl supposed to do exactly?!

Brilliant response! In this day and age guys seem to want the perfect untouched girl whilst their out there doing whatever they want. true- man aint worth it if he asks you the V question. He either asked to know if your game or asked to see of your marriage worthy. This is from my experience.

This is probably the most worthy thing to read…. even more important than our textbooks! These life lessons are just amazing Faiza! We all hope and pray you find the right soulmate and so do all the other penguins!!! Including me 🤗😇