Let's Grumble

I have heard so many wonderful things about some wonderful men and women here. Many of you have heard all about how perfect for me, my Jerry was. I love him plain and simple...warts and all! I love all of his many quirks and craziness.

I was reminiscing recently with my daughter and Jerry's daughter and we laughed about what a mess Jerry was. So, today I was looking around at all of his stuff that I don't have the heart to move yet.

You can't tell of course but I'm typing this with a smile. Jerry was a mess, he made messes everywhere and didn't give a rip about mud on the carpet. That's why they make carpet cleaners, he'd say. He had all of his papers in cardboard boxes IMPORTANT stuff. He had hundreds of them. It drove me and his daughter crazy! To give him credit, he did know what was in which box. He never replaced the toilet paper ever, not even after careful instructions. It worked just as well if it isn't on the roller he'd say. His vehicles were atrocious. He had so many water bottles and just plain trash thrown down in the floor boards that stuff would literally fall out when you opened the door. He does not litter he'd say, well hon, how about a trash can? Once I had to protest riding with him until he cleaned his mess up. He would not try new foods, certain restaurants where for certain foods and there was NO deviation. If something wasn't just right he wouldn't eat it. He loved fried okra...i think it's gross but anyway the batter had to be a certain thickness and a certain color. If not he wouldn't eat it. That is just one of his food quirks. He was really a easy going man but if you crossed him he held a grudge forever. There were no second chances with him. He couldn't work a microwave, it's always been a marvel to me that he could run a business and 100 different types of equipment but he was helpless in the kitchen. If he couldn't find the remote, he'd wait on me to come home to find it for him. Really?? LOL He was a mess, but he was MY mess and I love him so much!

After all of that I gotta say, he did indeed always put the toilet seat down! :)

Replies to This Discussion

Last month I was vising family and reminiscing about Ron. My BIL said, "There's nothing bad you can say about Ron". I replied, "He was an apathetic housekeeper". And he was. When we married, I was 50, working FT, and he was 65 and filed for SS. We'd moved for my job and he was in advertising- not a friendly place for older workers. He was a very good cook, a wonderful stepfather, and took a lot of stuff off my plate- buying cars, getting multiple bids for major work on the house, getting the cars maintained, etc. He just didn't clean very well. I should add that we had a McMansion- 5 bathrooms, 3 floors including the finished basement.

A few examples: we never saw the paperwork for DS to enroll in college after he'd been accepted- I just checked the college Web site and we showed up on the right day. This being the laid-back Midwest, they immediately produced the papers we needed to complete and got DS enrolled. I found the paperwork under DS' bed 3 years later, which tells you how thoroughly Ron cleaned. We had periodic infestations of some mysterious insect- dead insects would show up on the dining room curtains. At one point we had a new infestation and I asked him, "Didn't you see them when you vacuumed in there?" His reply: "I don't vacuum that room because nobody uses it." He rarely noticed the spatters on the inside of the microwave or the dribbles of pancake batter that dried to a crust on the cabinets. I'd clean them up when they got too disgusting.

We downsized 2 years ago. I now have a cleaning routine that doesn't take up a huge chunk of my life and keeps the house looking respectable. I still miss Ron, but it's wonderful living in a clean house!

Frank was thrifty to a fault on most things. He could squeeze a nickel until the Indian rode the buffalo. But now I am reaping the benefits of those years of frugality, I just wish he were here to enjoy it with me.

He was also a TERRIBLE patient in the hospital, I called him an impatient inpatient. And he got most of his chemo on an inpatient basis. I stayed with all the time and tried to act as a buffer for the poor nurses. It was pretty stressful for me but I never complained because he was going through so much more.

lol, Jerry's daughter is like that, I swear she can some how get 105 pennies out of a dollar. I wish I was more like that! Jerry on the other hand blew money like it was water on somethings, other's not so much.

I already said he was so bad about papers and such. I've been going through a drawer of his today separating receipts for taxes from pure junk. Well, liet me tell ya, you know how you get change back and the cashier gives it to you with the receipt? He crumbled them up and threw them in the drawer. I've had to straighten them out to see if we need them or not........so far I've found 105.00 all in crumpled receipts. I love his craziness but, sheesh!

Ron hoarded pain pills. In fairness, I should say that he had genuine back problems and he never abused them- in fact, he was reluctant to take them because they left him feeling dopey and resulted in the infamous Opioid-Induced Constipation. So, he'd get a prescription, he'd take a few and then he'd stop after the pain subsided. The rest of the bottle got put away, except for little stashes he kept in small containers for travel. (Five months after he died, I found the wedding band he'd lost 2 years earlier in a plastic bag, surrounded by Hydrocodone pills.)

When I got up the courage to start cleaning out his side of the bathroom drawers, I found enough Oxycodone, Hydrocodone and other pharmaceuticals to take down a racehorse. Most were expired, but I was able to give the nearly-full bottle of 150 Oxycodone to a fellow church member who was going on a medical mission to Haiti. I safely disposed of the expired ones using directions I found on the internet. When I think of the street value..... I did save a few, of course- but I'm a minimalist when it comes to medication and the one time I tried to use them for something really serious (an abscessed tooth) they were useless.

Just this past week I found a Celestial Seasonings tin with some Hydrocodone and a few Percocets. Reminders of Ron abound!

I'm glad you found a use for the pills. I have found someone to give Jerry's un-used insulin too. To me, it's really funny, the things that make us crazy are also part of the men and women we loved. So, I'm really enjoying that fact that I am not the only one who can say, yeah I loved him but he did some crazy/maddening things too!

My hubby was a saver, he saved lots of stuff. Our garage was loaded to the gills. We made a compromise— he bought a large shed and moved most of it in there, out of my sight. I rarely visited the shed. Didn’t want to see! The amazing thing was he knew what he had in there! If a neighbor need something, they would come ask him if he had “such and such”. Almost always, he did! Now I wouldn’t refer to him as a hoarder, but at one point he did get a little out of control and I had to rein him in some. He would go around looking for old lawnmowers that people would throw out— bring them home and get them running. I know he loved doing that but I had a real fear that was going to get out of control. He would also look for old bikes and disassemble for spare parts. I begged him to stop. Well, I won that argument (at least pretty much) Probably one of a few that we had other then over kids.

Soon after he passed, I had to open the shed. OMG. It was packed to the doorway and impossible to walk inside. When I opened the door, stuff rolled out. Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I have been throwing things out and giving things away over the years. I can’t devote too much time to it but I do what I am able. I don’t know what half the stuff is let alone if it is any good. Every time I go out there, I think of him. This was all his stuff, his treasures. Maybe it is why I have been taking so long to empty it out.

Callie, we have the same issue it a lot of ways. If I posted pictures of the messes we have you'd be boggled. His daughter is driven crazy and doesn't understand how things can be in such disarray. I chose to laugh- he is making sure we think about him every single day! Gotta love it! I have found myself protective of Jerry's (useless to me) treasures too.

At the moment we are looking for 2 keys. I've found about 75. We have no idea what is for what.

His disorganization would make me crazy sometimes. He also had stuff in the basement and garage. A man that lived across the street from us had his garage stacked floor to ceiling and had a van in the driveway for overflow. When he passed, his four adult children would stop by and throw stuff out. I felt sorry for them, his wife couldn’t do it. I keep getting rid of stuff. I don’t want to leave a big mess for someone else to clean up. And truthfully, even things we save and think our kids would want— well they don’t. They will just throw it out anyway.

Keys? I probably have more than that! Haven’t a clue what they’re for. Oh well, if these things made him happy in some way, I’m glad. I was fortunate to have found such a good man. He spoiled me in many ways, helped around the house, kept everything in working order. He was always home, we were always together. He loved to cook— he always made the turkey on Thanksgiving and the stuffing too! He did most holiday meals and that was a treat for me. I did help, of course. I could not have asked for a better husband. I could be me. He had a great sense of humor, one that we shared. We could communicate sometimes by just looking at each other, knowing what each other was thinking. So he liked to save things. He often joked that the inside of the house was my domain. Clutter makes me uncomfortable, I’m maybe a little OCD. Maybe we balanced each other out.

Lupe was a hoarder. There was stuff in the house stacked waist high when she passed. I've donated, boxed up or donated most of the stuff she accumulated and now I can actutally see the floor. Now I see how dirty the floor is. Have to give it a good cleaning. Yuck.