I was in a train to Jakarta. I slept from Cilebut to Depok, then a tall man carrying a 2 years old son, followed by his 6 years old curly hair daughter and another (maybe) 12 years old tomboy daughter, and his young-looking wife. They do not look like a rich family by to the clothings they wear.

I offered my seat to the man, then he commanded the curly hair girl to seat and she did. It was just one seat, but then the mother tried hard to fit herself in, too. “Why should you?” I said to myself. One seat is enough and you’re a grown up woman and strong enough to stand until you reach your destination.

After 5 minutes, the tomboy asked to seat, and the mother gave her seat. I could see then, they were a happy family, going somewhere for a holiday.

Then this thing began to trouble my mind again. A woman who sat next to the tomboy stood up and got off the train. The man automatically shouted to his lady whom I still doubt she was his wife because of her age, to take the seat. And she did. She did without offering it to me first. I was like, “Where is your manner, dude and duddett? I’m still here and I’m alive. And the most important thing is, I was the one who gave your family a seat.”

Gosh, this people. Even she offered me a seat, I wouldn’t take it because I knew I wasn’t fasting. But, there’s something we call Politeness, when someone has offered you a seat because of your family condition and you already took it, you offered back that advantage when you got an additional seat when you don’t really need it. Well I know you need it, but at least an offer (basa-basi) is a polite thing to do to keep good relationship between people. I believthis man and the family don’t get thatlesson from their ancestors… Poor you guys.

Neither the man or the wife had ever thanked me for the seat. Not even smile.

Moreover, when another seat was available next to the curly hair daughter, this man without hesitating offering it to the woman (not very old compared to me) who stood next to me. I stared at both of them on purpose.

Fuck you, man. That woman wore veil and I was not. Screw you people who are racist and fanatic! What if I was a person who genuinely accepted the Quran’s teaching but hasn’t decided to wear a veil yet. We live in a tropical country, fyi, if you didn’t pass your geographic lesson at high school. It’s 27 C degree and I wouldn’t force myself to cover myself even more.

Someone will get mad by reading my story. I’m just telling you the truth.

Just a month after I said Yes but it’s already been a month of a hell. I said Yes and I have committed to do this. And I am committed to do it seriously but fun. However… Hahaha… It doesn’t look like that.

But I believe You, God. And I ask for more of your blessing, and please please please give me wisdom and patience.

Well, gue terima kerjaannya, tapi gue juga mo melakukannya dengan santai, hepi, berkecukupan. Yang pasti gue bukannya nggak mau anggap serius ni kewajiban gue, tapi… When I said yes for the job, I am determine to learn how to:
– Lead
– Face older cocky colleagues
– Have some fun even it will be frustrating, and
– Be a model for the juniors (Even I know I won’t be one)

I was reminded that some of the people can turn to bloody warewolf, but I really didn’t imagine if their puppy face could fool me really bad.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 15,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 6 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Guys, what do you do when you think you have done something wrong. You knew that you did wrong. You knew you can’t revise it because it’s impossible. Because it’s not you. But it’s yours. But you are really regretting it.

I kept thinking of some people in my past who gave me nothing but I knew… I knew…

Damn, But I’ll never know.

But I knew through their eyes. When I look at them. They… Shouldn’t be nothing. Forced to be nothing.

Then I’ll just praying for an improvement and luck. I hope God also helping me hard to get me through this. Coz I need You.

I finally get a chance to write my family experience to Bali, two weeks ago.

Summary:
4 days, 4 nights
2 adults, 1 child
Bali & Nusa Lembongan

Day 1 (Thursday)
We left Bogor with Damri bus (IDR 40k/pax), and arrived at Terminal 3, Soekarno Hatta airport, Jakarta, two hours later after a quite terrible traffic we passed through. Luckily I had bought some snacks for my kkiddy so she didn’t get bored with what was happening outside the bus.

I did the web check-in for both CGK-DPS and DPS-CGK flights. Fyi, we flew with Air Asia and I had printed the all boarding passes, so we just need to do the baggage check-in at Air Asia counter at the airport.

As we arrived at the airport, we checked-in our baggage, which took a quite long time to queue. And it got worse, the plane was delayed 25 minutes from departure 7.35pm 8.00pm. And it got worse (again), when we passed through a big ugly cloud, so our plane swang right and left. It made me scared. Damn scared.

We landed nicely, and I realized that we are not in Jakarta anymore, so I should find out where the Blue Bird taxi hangin around to get passangers. I knew that our accommodation for the first night is only about 1 to 2 km from the airport and I could predict an IDR 20k would be sufficient. But… Asking to local Baliness at Burger King and Indomaret weren’t helping. They just pointed out a spot, but no further information on how to get a Blue Bird Taxi. We finally found a Blue Bird near Solaria restaurant when some foreigners arrived and paid the taxi. But there were also local airport taxi drivers who insisted us to get in their taxi. I said No to one of them, then he looked at me with a very scary face, like he wanted to stab me with a knife if I said No once again (I was just imagining it like in a movie, lol). But the face was really scary. Please be aware guys. Here’s my hint: After taking your baggage from the airport, go with the crowds, across the road to Burger King, to Solaria, get out the gate of the Airport, find a Blue Bird taxi there! The (also) blue airport taxi offers a lot more expensive taxi fare. Compare this: Blue Bird only IDR 15k, airport taxi offer IDR 60k and IDR 50k the lowest to my destination which was only 10 minutes drive from airport.

Okay then, so we stayed at Kupu Kupu 39 at Jalan Wana Segara in Kuta. It was a very nice cheap accommodatio. With only IDR 200k, we got clean and spacious room with spring bed, cupboard, clothesline pole, clean bathroom and towels. I was very happy with it, because I was just booked it from Booking.com

I really want to scream, but silence with tears are the only things I can do. I am imagining myself in a beach, on white sands, looking at big waves. I am dreaming of me time which may never come true. I am now married, tied with a child and motherhood responsibility, started in a quite young age as my self consider.

I tried to coat my disquitetude with fake cheerful face, but I am too honest.

Pray is not enough.
Act is not helping.

Can the world stop spinning for a day, even though I know I won’t change anything if I am the one who lives on that weird day.

No pastor, parents, spouse can teach, give advise, or motivate me wiser and better, and my ears are closed for those things like my own mind is the best thing to look up to. And this moment I feel so atheist.