Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Beyond these bluestone walls 2nd draft

Beyond these bluestone walls, they tell
Of men condemned to living hell
And those who walked toward the rope
To end their lives, bereft of hope
Priest's words lost to the tolling bell.

Second stanza:

Unto these men, a fate befell; The mad, the bad, the great unwell;
From social change, a new artelThat Meant not a one would e'er elope
Beyond these bluestone walls.

Third stanza

For into each and every cell
The voyeurs came, and paid quite well
To peer and pry and interlope
And place beneath a microscope
Wretches all, who once did dwell
Beyond these bluestone walls.

I've managed to change the 2nd line of the 2nd stanza and change could to would, 4th line same stanza, also delete that from the same line. I may need to let this one sit for awhile and come back to it later, unless others have some suggesions - she asks with hope in her eyes.