Thursday, September 27, 2007

Animal Life Lessons: How to Love a Bitch

Getting ahead in life is hard, especially when you see with your nose and communicate like a car alarm. But that doesn't mean you can't succeed in the cold world of capitalism. No sir, as any Objectivist worth his 60th Anniversary (this year!) Fountainhead fountain pen will tell you, happiness is morality!

And thus we bring you to the morality of cuteness. Sure, you can get a job, or never move out of your parents' house, but really, how do you achieve the complete contentment of exorbitant wealth when your brain is twice as small as your rivals and your have no skills to speak of? Easy, take a lesson from little Trouble here, endear yourself to the wealthy! cough, cough Katie Holmes...

With the appropriate amounts of enthusiasm and cuddliness you, too, can ensure your financial future and provide for all your future litters. Or, heck, go on that Safari, you're wealthier than the ten poorest countries in Africa combined!