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My husband and I live in Austin, Texas and like many of you, hide our lifestyle from our families. We are so lonely and tired of being alone, but have no idea where to begin to look for that special someone to fill the ever widening void in our marriage. We have no kids and we work alot and are so lonely, mostly because we know nobody like US! We feel like aliens.

He constantly lies to women and says he isn't married because he dosen't want to scare them off, but then when things turn romantic he has to tell them and then it usually dosen't go well. I just avoid the question all together. The women usually just want me and me alone and at that, just for sex, not a relationship, and certainly not a package deal. Any advice or anything would be appreciated!

There used to be an active poly group in Austin. I/we live too far out to make it in often enough, but they used to have monthly meet & greets, movie nights, that sort of thing. Have a look in Yahoo groups.

And there are a couple of ads in the personals section of this forum, too.

In general, lying to prospective partners is a good way to remove them from being prospective partners. It's no way to engage in what is supposed to be an honest and ethical way of loving.

Next, expecting somebody to be interested in both of you equally--wanting a package deal--is going to limit the pool of potential partners a great deal. Single, bi babes looking to get involved with a couple are referred to as unicorns for a reason (they're quite rare).

I'll suggest reading widely on these boards. There are discussions of unicorns and meeting new people and so forth that can provide a good deal of information.

__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.

When I said that he has to lie---I meant that if he come right out when he meets a regular girl and tells her that he is "married" they are immediately uninterested in a long term relationship....as you guys well know most don't even know what poly is, let alone trying to explain it the moment you are asked what relationship status is..so what I was saying is that it is very difficult to know how to address the issue in everyday life and dating.

In no way was I saying that we are "fucking around". It is the exact opposite of that! Women want only sex from me and I want a relationship with them, however I want one that includes my husband, which is very hard to find as the person above you pointed out. My husband HAS NEVER has sex with a female and not told her that he was "married." Perhaps I should have been more clear when I stated that. I meant that as soon as a woman shows a romantic interest in him and it seems it will go there....he must be honest and tell her that he is married and then drop the poly bomb which then naturally dosen't go over well...

So, when I was asking for advice I was asking for advice on how to approach single women about poly relationships without deception or anything shady, but still having a chance at opening their mind to the idea or possibility. Maybe places we could go, or people we could talk to, anything helpful...even a community that is like-minded and local.

and thank you to the people that welcomed us without judgement..sometimes people don't word things right and assumptions can be made that aren't always correct, but I can see where one could get that idea by what I typed previously. Thank You.

I'll address the one that's easy to fix. The reference to "fucking around" is in Autumnal Tone's signature, and not a specific reference to this discussion. It appears as part of all of his posts.

As for the other areas you on which were seeking advice, there have been some very useful discussions on this forum on those subjects. I'd recommend doing some keyword seaches. Sorry I can't be of more help, but this is an area of poly life I just don't know much about.

Specific to Austin: if I recall correctly, the Austin poly meet-ups used to be held at Central Market, in the cafe. You might have a look at their calendar of events. And the meet-ups are weekly, not monthly.

Glad to see you guys here! I haven't posted in awhile but I guess I am one of those "unicorns" mentioned... I had no idea I was, though, until I was poking around a dating site basically looking to have my first experience with a woman and fate was kind to me, in the form of a message from a wonderful male/female couple. I figured hey, why not have sex with a guy too, I know I like that and it will make it less awkward than just a girl and my pounding heart. After a few weeks of sex and hanging out and taking trips together, I realized I had feelings for both of them beyond sex, and they admitted they did too. Together ever since. So my point of this mushy story is that the perfect girl DOES come, although she may have never known what she wanted. The best would be to try to find a girl who is down for sex with both of you and actually wants to hang out, not just have drinks and bang. See where chemistry takes you all... Although I am concerned that you speak of a "widening void" between yourself and your husband... Poly triad relationships should only be had when the first (or primary... hate the connotations of that word though) coupling is secure in their relationship. It is a girl's worst nightmare to come into a relationship with a couple expecting lots of love and stability and then having to watch the couple throw proverbial dishes at each other all the time, get so attached to you they want to leave the other, etc... But I trust you are a mature adult, just wanted to put my warning out. No offense meant. I wish you two the best of luck.

There used to be an active poly group in Austin. I/we live too far out to make it in often enough, but they used to have monthly meet & greets, movie nights, that sort of thing. Have a look in Yahoo groups.

And there are a couple of ads in the personals section of this forum, too.