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Thursday, May 27, 2010

I got a big package in the mail yesterday. It wasn't exactly addressed to me, although it DID have MY last name and address on it. Last time, I got a box this big, it contained my cat tree from Nip and Bones. This is exciting! Of course, I wasn't quite as excited when the porter brought it in the apartment.I had flashbacks to the air duck men and ran and hid in my top secret hidey hole. The woman couldn't find me and totally panicked because she thought I'd gotten out into the hall. She ran up and down the hall and even went downstairs to look for me. Then she panicked again because she ran into Sophie, the pit bull, and his brother Miles getting off the elevator and thought that, if I was in the hall, they'd found me and ate me alive. After I made her sweat and cry for about 10 minutes, I finally came out of hiding to many hugs and kisses.Getting back to my original story, the peeps keep saying the box is for them. Gasp! But we know that possession is 99% of the law and you can clearly see that I'm in possession of it. The peeps are in no hurry to open it though. They claim its a new stereo to take the place of the one that the woman deliberately broke. Don't give me no lip, woman, you broke it and you know it.

Possession is 99% of the law.

I can't wait to see the look of surprise when they open it and discover it is for me.

I WON ANOTHER CONTEST!!I'd like to thank my good furrend Rumblepurr because I entered a contest on his blog and won the peeps a $60 gift certificate from CN Stores. I can't wait to see what the peeps are going to buy me!Rumbles and his brother Inigo are very sexy and handsome mancats so I suggest you check their blog out if you haven't already. I hope they have crushes on me because my heart flutters every time I see pictures of them.Thanks again to CN Stores and Rumbles.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

There is nothing better than having a laugh at the woman's expense. She makes writing these blogs so much easier. I always have a new topic to write about. This is our latest adventure.Pop went out to do the grocery shopping and the woman was doing the laundry. Earlier in the day, she'd gotten some huge rocks that lit up—more about them some other day—and was looking for pot holders to put under them. Into the linen closet she went, with me following closely behind. If there's an open door, I want to investigate. Due to the size of our apartment, the linen closet doubles as a pantry. Are you with me here?The woman pulls out the first pot holder and, viola, down goes the six-pack of Birch beer. Crash! Bang! Fizz! POP! Split! This was worse than the oil spill off the Louisiana coast! This was worse than the earthquake in Haiti! Send in the Marines! The split was my sides from laughter.OMC! The floor and rug were covered in red Birch beer. Woman! Do something! She did. She started crying and then she started sopping it up with kitchen towels from the linen closet. After she sopped up the tears, she started on the floor and rug. By now everything was sticky, including her pants and slippers, which she kicked off. Birch beer, for those young 'uns out there is like root beer, only red in color. It's about 50% sugar, which is why it was in the closet and not the refrigerator.I had to investigate further but every time I took a step, I stuck to the floor. The sweet smell was overwhelming. The puddle was spreading and one of the cans was hissing. The woman was screaming at me to get away. And I should do as you say why? woman.

OMC! Woman, you better get this mess cleaned up before Pop gets home! (BTW, this pic is taken right in front of said linen closet)

The woman's next move was to go into the kitchen to get the Murphy's soap to clean the floor. Unfortunately, when she reached for the soap—OMC, I don't know if I can type this, I'm laughing so hard—the Ajax fell out and opened. It's the only toxic not-plant-based cleanser in the house and it was all over the kitchen floor. The woman was standing beside herself, she was so upset. Cue the tears! Cue the dramatics! Cue the "why me, Lord. what have I ever done" cries. Oh, those hormones were unleashed and I was running for my life.After much ado, the two spills were cleaned and I was free to roam around again. Whew. Another disaster dealt with. Another blog post written and documented.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I've been saying since I first came online years ago that the woman was older than Moses, prehistoric even. In fact, last night I had this very discussion with my furrend Cleo's Mom. Well, I finally have indisputable evidence to back that up! This is going to cause the fur on your backs to stand up as it did mine!

Usually the woman takes her baths at the same time I'm taking my morning nap. That way I won't be crying for her to play with me, she claims. I think it's to save my sensitive eyes from seeing her hairless bod. But today I found out the real reason.

I've already mentioned how odd it is that the woman feels the need to shave all her fur off while in the bathtub. How can having fur NOT be beautiful? I guess when you don't have a rough tongue and can't clean your fur properly, it's a necessity.So today, I sauntered into the bathroom to supervise this so-called bath and what do you suppose I saw? Warning: Prepare yourself for this. I present this as Exhibit #1 that the woman is from the Stone Age (if you couldn't figure it out already from the music she listens to). The woman washes her feet with A STONE! Did I just hear you gasp? I gasped too. I saw it with my own eyes or I wouldn't believe it. She claims it's just to remove "dead skin." The woman is so old her skin is dying right on her feet! Pause for another gasp. Not even @grrlysquirrel who's always defending her can take her side this time.

Stunning Keisha shows the correct way to bathe

The evidence is in. The woman is indeed older than Moses and from the Stone Age. The persecution rests. Again.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Apparently my peeps have been keeping something from me. Yes, they have ducks in the house. They call them air ducks. Yesterday, I got the scare of my life when they decided to have someone come in to clean the air ducks. I may only have 8 lives left after this, it was so traumatic.

I thought my duckie was the only duck in the house. The peeps, you see, must be hiding those other ducks in the wall because the workmen had to take off the vents in the wall and ceiling to reach the air ducks. On a different note, I wonder how the peeps feed these ducks or if they feed on dust and stuff. After they took the vents off, they put a high-powered vacuum into the hole. That sucker was LOUD. It's a wonder it didn't suck the feathers off those poor ducks. I think PeTA should be informed of this duck cruelty, not to mention kitteh cruelty since my sensitive ears had to listen to that horrid, horrid sound. Did I mention it was LOUD?

The one caveat was that one of the workmen was very allergic to cats. Hee Hee! As he worked, he started breathing heavier and heavier and then he started sneezing. He sneezed about 40 times and finally ran out into the hall where he continued sneezing. When he came back in he kept clearing his throat and was wheezing and snorting. The woman had to give him a bennie to make him feel better. If I wasn't hiding under the bed, I would've come out and starting rubbing my dander on him.

I'm standing on front of a vent but I can't find the ducks hiding in there.

Finally, the torture was over. When I emerged, I looked into some of the lower vents but couldn't see any ducks. I hope they survived the vacuum. It was LOUD.

Friday, May 7, 2010

In my short time on this green Earth, I've been making some observations of instances where we cats come out on the short end. For instance, the peeps eat as much as they want whenever they're hungry. We, on the other hand, get our food measured and rationed. [Ma: Cathy, you always have hard food in your dish even though I've been told not to leave it out.] Whoa! Who let the woman in here. Out of my diary, woman! The nerve of some people.

For the most part, the peeps' food looks to be inedible kibble, except for the yummy chicken and tuna they don't have nearly enough. I say, let's ban bananas and peanut butter. Yuck! Does any cat really LIKE bananas and peanut butter? They smell yucky and look even yuckier. How the peeps force them down their throats is amazing to me. In the few instances where peeps eat something that looks like fun, they won't let us near it. The woman bought these little red grape things. Would she roll one on the floor and let me chase it? NOOOOO! Then she cries that I never play on my own.

Anipals, tell me what peeves you most about your peeps. I know we're all glad we have peeps; but, let's face it, they do have some annoying habits.

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