Let Go Of Your Anger

Fear and anger follow one another, like lovers caught in a betrayal battle; our ego self resists
surrendering to the eternal self within, our own mind defies the encompassing energy of love that fuels the dance of our existence. The emotional toll of being afraid faced with a new edge in a posture, a miscommunication in our relationship, a challenging experience in life triggers our inadequacies, illuminates what we lack in skill or intellect, and uncovers our habitual patterns of thinking and acting. In order to rid ourselves of these negative thoughts we, either, internalize our anger directing it at our selves, or we extend it out to the universe, usually at the people around us, or those who are close to our hearts.

A young yoga student traveling through India spent time studying with many different teachers, searching for enlightment.
One day, arriving at the seat of a new teacher, the student began to elucidate what he had learned. Fear and anger reside in us for as long as we are choosing to hold onto a separate identity ignorant of our eternal connectedness”
The real truth behind phenomenon is emptiness. There is no attainment, no delusion, no gurus, no mediocrity. There is nothing to give and nothing to take away.” The teacher who was sitting and smoking, suddenly hit the young man with his bamboo pipe. The young boy became extremely angry, demanding “why did you do that? If nothing exists, where is this anger coming from?”

There are times when our anger is so overwhelming we run away from it, choosing to avoid the situation and thus not facing the separation dilemma. We perceive our moments as our own reality and the objects and events around us as rising from their own separate reality. As we continue with this view of the world we choose to avoid moments that challenge us, or we choose to fight through them, pushing and struggling against the odds. There are times we actually break through the barriers, only to face a new set of circumstances.

Geshe Michael Rosh, one of the select few who have spent twenty five years studying with Monks in Tibet receiving a Geshe title describes our confusion in the following manner. Holding a pen high, he asks onlookers to tell him what it is. Feeling self conscious at the obvious answer, the room wavers in confusion before someone says “it’s a pen.” Smiling, Geshe Michael comments: “that’s right, this is a pen.” The uncomfortable unease is broken by soft giggles. “My partner and I recently added a new member to our home. A beautiful small puppy Pug named Shree. As I was writing with my pen, Shree was reaching for it trying to chew on it with its young teeth. For me it was a pen, a writing tool, but for Shree, it was a toy, something to chew and play with. So who is right? Shree or I? Is it a pen or is it a toy?” If there was an awkward feeling at the first question, the dark cloud that moves over the crowd now is threatening rain showers.

“It’s neither,” a feeble attempt at an answer rises from the depth of the crowd. “It’s still a pen,” remarks a young man, dressed in flowing white robe. “I hope someone gets what I am about to say,” Geshe Michael beams child like glee at the curious eyes seated before him. “We think of this pen as a pen for its own sake. However, the pen-ness of this object does not arise from its own nature. We assign the nature on this object, much as Shree assigns a different quality to the same object. It’s this suggestion that objects arise for their own sake that causes confusion, ignorance and suffering. This pen is not a pen for its own benefit. When we can see how we make these choices we will cease from hanging on to this image, and realize that all life rises from a deeper source, a source which we are constantly connected to.”

Practice helps to release our judgmental point of view by bringing to the forefront those things we are pushing away, or fighting against. Suddenly, we realize that we have more than the perceived two choices. The more our breath awareness deepens, the softer we make our jaw to smile, the more clearly we see what we are paying attention to, and by softening this attention, no longer placing the mind or the body at tension, we experience the choice of relaxation. We can fight, we can run away, however, when we stay present, open to all of the emotions that come up, feeling our thoughts and feeling beyond them, feeling through our flowing current of tension, and relaxing in the moment without trying to change it, something profound happens. Our breath becomes an anchor, and what we experienced as a challenge becomes a transforming lesson in letting go. Fear and anger reside in us for as long as we are choosing to hold onto a separate identity ignorant of our eternal connectedness.

Maybe our parents did not love in the way we wanted, and thus from an early age we have developed our own identity to feel safe inside. Our first love rejected us or betrayed us, and now we hold onto that memory protecting our bodies and hearts from relaxing into the natural current of life and love that shapes our being. We fail to meet the expectations of others, be it in school, work, and perhaps even life, building a positive sense of identity through a new set of friends, moving away, or finding varied expressions of reality through alcohol or drugs. Physically and emotionally these experiences leave their mark on our body and the manifestation can be as subtle as an inefficient flow of energy, causing irritability, anxiety, or depression, and as destructive as cancer.

Ancient yoga scriptures recognize this process and the effects it has through masking the true nature of our soul. They call it Samsara, the habitual pattern of living, where our lives are shaped by the events that we experience, while we seek to hold onto a unique and separate identity. We become molded in the way our parents, our culture or our intellectual exploration have transpired in our lives. The longer we hold onto those patterns, the more we hide from our true self, the more our hearts ache and we find ourselves circling similar patterns of relationships, challenges, and attitudes. We might even reincarnate into the same situation, until we can relax into the now, breathe the fullness of the present and seek the gift of surrender into the spiritual unknown.

It is the mind that holds the doubt that we come onto the mat to transform, so let go of the past, relax into your doubts and say yes. YL