Losing a race with modern technology

By Alan Ford

Published: Monday, September 24, 2012 at 11:46 AM.

Ever feel like your world is reduced to a race track and all the modern sports cars out there are lapping you in your 10-year-old, four-door sedan whose air conditioner and windshield wipers no longer work?

If so, you’re not alone. Welcome to my life.

Kids are walking around with fancy iPods and the newest iPhones, and sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in the eight-track tape/cassette world of the ‘70s and ‘80s.

I said something about some VCR tapes I had in a box to some friends recently and about got laughed out of the room in these days of DVRs and TiVos.

Just the terminology slays me. We’re putting consonants and vowels together to form so-called words that only smarter people know what they mean. LOL right? (It took me a while to learn that stands for "laugh out Loud").

It’s tough out there, as comedian Rodney Dangerfield used to say.

I mean, twice a year when the time changes I’m totally lost trying to remember how to "spring forward" or "fall back" on the different clocks around the house, in the car, etc. Thank heavens it switches automatically on cell phones. That’s part of the reason I don’t wear any of the 10 watches I’ve got stuck in a drawer.

Ever feel like your world is reduced to a race track and all the modern sports cars out there are lapping you in your 10-year-old, four-door sedan whose air conditioner and windshield wipers no longer work?

If so, you’re not alone. Welcome to my life.

Kids are walking around with fancy iPods and the newest iPhones, and sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in the eight-track tape/cassette world of the ‘70s and ‘80s.

I said something about some VCR tapes I had in a box to some friends recently and about got laughed out of the room in these days of DVRs and TiVos.

Just the terminology slays me. We’re putting consonants and vowels together to form so-called words that only smarter people know what they mean. LOL right? (It took me a while to learn that stands for "laugh out Loud").

It’s tough out there, as comedian Rodney Dangerfield used to say.

I mean, twice a year when the time changes I’m totally lost trying to remember how to "spring forward" or "fall back" on the different clocks around the house, in the car, etc. Thank heavens it switches automatically on cell phones. That’s part of the reason I don’t wear any of the 10 watches I’ve got stuck in a drawer.

At our jobs, we expect the technology to change rapidly, and in the newspaper/media business, that’s an understatement. But we sort of thought once we were off the clock, things might get a little easier.

Nope – I find I’m like a deer in the headlights doing mundane things.

ATM machines used to be a breeze to use (there’s another three-letter label). Sometimes I feel like I’ve really accomplished something now when they actually spit out my card after the transaction.

And how 'bout those "check yourself out" scanning devices in grocery stores around. Yeah right – the milk would go sour and the popsicles melt before I’d be able to figure those out and get out of there.

On a similar note, even as you swipe a credit card yourself, I hate getting that "do you even have a clue what you’re doing" look from the person at the register.

So it’s with great relief to finally get home, plop down on the couch and turn on the television to tune it all out. That is, if I can figure out which remote I need and how the silly thing works – and where you’re supposed to put in the new batteries.