Thursday, January 21, 2010

Thanks to all the SoSG readers who submitted questions. Due to space and time (continuum) constraints, we pulled one question from each submitter and here is the final list of questions. Sons, feel free to add your comments throughout the day; readers, feel free to opine on their responses or in general; the debate thread closes at midnight.

THE DEBATE QUESTIONS:

1. Dr. Geek: Zombies: fast, slow, or dancing?

2. Neeeebs: If you were on a desert island with Dusty (SOSG commentor), RBNLAW, Mr. Customer, and Neeebs, which one would you kill and eat if you were starving and there was no more food?

3. What Difference Does It Make: Two-part question; first: Ho w bad do you want to stay on; second, what lengths are you willing to go to keep it?

4. Loney Fan: If your significant other had Benjamin Button disease, at what age would you stop having sex with him/her?

6. Karina: will Harrison Ford and Joe Mauer make the front page again?

7. Paul: Favorite Manilow song?

8. Quadsevens: How do you order your scotch?

9. Jason: Ned calls and offers you the opportunity to put together a contract offer to a free agent. Within reasonable constraints, what is your offer and to whom?

10. Dusty Baker: Who is your favorite minor Simpsons character and why?

11. Mr. LA Sports Fan: You are trapped at the end of a tunnel. A horde of Giants fans are pursuing you. You find three weapons at your disposal: an Atlas of the country Tanzania, the lost memoirs of Rutherford B. Hayes, and a figure made out of fusilli pasta shaped like Jerry Seinfeld. What do you use to make your escape, and how?

12. Fanerman: Though you try to keep your lightsaber as a keepsake/lockpick, it is eventually confiscated from you. On what non-lightsaber weapon do you decide to spend your severance-package credits?

6. Karina: will Harrison Ford and Joe Mauer make the front page again? After Extraordinary Measures, Harrison’s only going to be on the front page of Oprah’s magazine.

7. Paul: Favorite Manilow song? “Hurt.” I think he wrote the line “I Want to F—K You Like an Animal” (And “Ready to Take a Chance”… that’s good too)

8. Quadsevens: Scotch on the rocks…though I almost bought a bottle of Johnnie Walker blue… which would have changed everything (till duty free told me flights from New Jersey did not qualify as international)

9. Jason: Bring back the O Dog. He made about $3 million last year... maybe throw in an extra couple of bucks or a trip to the All You Can Eat Pavillion.

10. Minor Simpsons character and why? - Disco Stu, only after he admitted he feels trapped by his disco image.

11. Mr. LA Sports Fan: You are trapped at the end of a tunnel. A horde of Giants fans are pursuing you…. I fear many things in this world. Hyperinflation. Coyotes. Parachuting. The power of Ryan Seacrest. But SF Giants… for them, I feel no fear.

12. Fanerman: On what non-lightsaber weapon do you decide to spend your severance-package credits? I have a light saber on my Droid phone… and it seems to take care of most of my needs. But if I need a second weapon, it’d be Jesse Venutra’s gun from Predator. Most non-math problems in the world can be solved with that mother.

Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!

A spanking! A spanking!

You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me.

9. Well, with the Padilla signing, our rotation is set — or at least as set as it was last year. Assuming Torre is comfortable with holding tryouts every fifth start, I'd turn to our infield. Apparently Jamey Carroll is our utility infielder this year (with Jason Repko as a utility outfielder), so the question is: Am I comfortable starting Blake DeWitt at second? I am, so I would save the money for a deal at the trading deadline. Maybe we could spend money instead of prospects this year. Next question!

11. Quickly I read the lost memoirs of Rutherford B. Hayes. In it, I learn that as a young man, he spent time in Tanzania, where he learned to create a flamethrower out of pasta. But only pasta from a certain part of Tanzania works. So I consult the atlas and learn that pasta made from grains from the the region of Morogoro works best. I consult the Seinfeld figure. What's up with that? I think. The horde is almost upon me. Using a visual guide from morogoropasta.com on my iPhone, I identify the right pieces and start pulling them from the figure. But the horde is about to strike! So I drop everything and shout JOE NATHAN, FRANCISCO LIRIANO AND BOOF BONSER FOR A.J. PIERZYNSKI! And poof! The horde is slain.

12. In honor of my fellow Star Wars geek fanerman, I will answer ALL NINE parts of his question:

1) You decide to attend Jedi training school. Do you align yourself with the light side or the dark side?

Whichever side gets more chicks. The Dark Side.

2) After learning the basics of the Force, you must choose to specialize. What force power do you focus on? What is your signature way of using said force power?

Mind trick, without a doubt. You will support Orel in the SoSG campaign 2010.

3) You have finished Jedi training school, you are given the chance to build your own lightsaber from scratch. What color and customizations do you choose?

You mean I don't have to go to DeVry for this? Color: Dodger Blue, of course (from organic crystals). Customizations: I'd get the 3GS version, of course. I'd put Yelp on it so I could find the nearest cantinas, and definitely some kind of turn-based GPS.

4) Fill in the blank. Your promising career as a Jedi/Sith is cut short because ____.

...of Wookiee Growth Hormone.

5) You are kicked out of the Jedi/Sith order. You must now choose a new career in the Star Wars universe. What career do you choose?

Metal bikini inspector.

6) Though you try to keep your lightsaber as a keep-sake/lockpick, it is eventually confiscated from you. What non-lightsaber weapon do you decide to spend your severance-package credits on?

Thermal detonators for everyone!

7) You leverage your new weapon to "acquire" a space-faring vehicle. How did you go about this? What type of vehicle is it?

A GTA-style shipjacking (did I mention I was on the Dark Side?). Definitely a Corellian freighter like the Millennium Falcon. In fact, I'd probably just steal the Falcon. You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

8) Your new vehicle makes you especially popular among the Cantina-hopping females. What species of female do you choose as your companion.

Why limit yourself to just one? Human, Twi'lek, Togruta, bring it on!

9) You take an impromptu vacation to a faraway system on the other side of the galaxy. Which system is your choice destination for a dream vacation?

(Done without looking at other Sons’ answers, so apologies in advance if there is serendipitous overlap…)

1. Dr. Geek: Zombies: fast, slow, or dancing? Yes.

2. Neeeebs: If you were on a desert island with Dusty (SOSG commentor), RBNLAW, Mr. Customer, and Neeebs, which one would you kill and eat if you were starving and there was no more food? I would eat myself, starting with my left leg, rather than hurt any SoSG reader. (Note that I didn’t say SoSG Son.) In the meantime, Donner Pass, here I come!

3. What Difference Does It Make: Two-part question; first: How bad do you want to stay on; second, what lengths are you willing to go to keep it? I don’t want it that bad, but I am still willing to go to ridiculous lengths to keep it anyway. After all, I started this Campaign inanity in the first place.

4. Loney Fan: If your significant other had Benjamin Button disease, at what age would you stop having sex with him/her? I’m married. I’ve stopped having sex—with my significant other, that is—long ago.

5. Mr. Customer: Three-part question: 1. What is your name? 2. What is your quest? 3. What is your favourite colour? It is Arthur, King of the Britons; Vision; Living.

6. Karina: will Harrison Ford and Joe Mauer make the front page again? They’ll both make it, but Ford likes to fly Solo.

7. Paul: Favorite Manilow song? ”Can’t Smile Without (Chin-Lung) Hu”

8. Quadsevens: How do you order your scotch? I’m an Oban man, and I drink it neat.

9. Jason: Ned calls and offers you the opportunity to put together a contract offer to a free agent. Within reasonable constraints, what is your offer and to whom? To the late-season 2008 Manny Ramirez, please come back in 2010.

10. Dusty Baker: Who is your favorite minor Simpsons character and why? Jessica, for that whole buffalo wings fiasco.

11. Mr. LA Sports Fan: You are trapped at the end of a tunnel. A horde of Giants fans are pursuing you. You find three weapons at your disposal: an Atlas of the country Tanzania, the lost memoirs of Rutherford B. Hayes, and a figure made out of fusilli pasta shaped like Jerry Seinfeld. What do you use to make your escape, and how? Assuming that a horde of Giants fans means two, including Pablo Sandoval: I would use the pasta as a diversion for KFP and beat the crap out of the other one with my bare hands.

12. Fanerman: Though you try to keep your lightsaber as a keepsake/lockpick, it is eventually confiscated from you. On what non-lightsaber weapon do you decide to spend your severance-package credits? Midi-chlorians.

I like how the Sons would fight the horde of SF Giants fans. Nice approach, gentlemen.

Orel, what's wrong with Ewoks?. Why not Tattoine at least for a night?, i wouldn't mind to have lots of drinks at the Mos Eisley Cantina (or Chalmun's depending how you like), listening to the Cantina Band ...

Sax, you're a wise man: high count of Midi-chlorians makes you powerful, like Master Yoda.

Ok here we go, my answers...1. Dancing very fast, because slow dancing with a zombie is just freaky.2. I would sacrifice myself for the good of the group.3. Just bad enough to answer these questions.4. Until he/ she was legal, andy by then I would be too disgusting and old anyways.5. Alex, world peace, dodger blue of course (or bloue).6. Yes, together when they have a love child.7. I write the songs (because it is just cocky as hell - really, the whole world sings your songs?!?).8. Clear and transparent, sometimes double sided if I need to stick two things together.9. Me, Alex, because it is cold in New York and you need a second baseman. I would offer a bucket of balls and a seat in the press box.10. Comic book guy. I love his voice and he is funny when he says "Not Funny."11. I would just step to the side and watch all the Giant fans run into the walls and kill themselves because come on, they are Giant fans. Then walk out whistling I Write the Songs. 12. Adamantium claws so I can make that sound "SNIKT".