Monday Morning Fika with Sophie Sansregret: Elf Ramblings

For On Estancia

My Dulcet Anastasia

As you can see my Dragon software translates your name as On Estancia is. I am seriously considering putting you in my next book under that name. Of course, you probably won’t want to be my next book because it has dirty words and such.

I’m so pleased to be on Fika which I tend, erroneously, to write more acronymically (FIKA) than Scandinavianly. Fika is a cool drink of water for me because I’m tired of plugging my book THE COACH HOUSE which—an affordably priced novella which is delightfully erotic-ish romance with a cat, vampire, English prof, and index—is old news now that it’s been in the world these past 32.3 days.

Besides, I prefer to plug other people’s books. Anyone as shy and retiring as I am really prefers to stay out of the limelight and tend to one’s knitting and self-chastisement. I think we all know by now that Sophie is really not much more than the sweetest shy dormouse. Petite. Hairy-faced. Cute as a button and prone to nibbling Elves bottoms.

But this is neither about me nor THE COACH HOUSE qua THE COACH HOUSE which can’t be found here. Nor here. Or was it not here as well? But rather, Fika today is about the inner shy dormouse me who finds it really hard to write naughty words and post them on her blog (even as her other pseudonym) but who wrote a dirty book finally after years of psychotherapy only to be conditionally accepted, edited, and rejected.

As many of you know, THE COACH HOUSE was de-spanked, thanks to an ongoing round of emails and discussions and edits oh my! starting in 2007 (I think). Nonetheless, I wanted to share something I wrote that did not have dirty words (respecting my lovely hostess)—which I write, ad nauseam, every other day for the unsung (mercifully) part of my day job which shall not be mentioned.

But soft! Just to clarify, as Fika is NOT about plugging one’s book, this excision/excerpt should surely fill the bill of not self-promoting. The point is to amuse and not use dirty words.

This what I sent to a miscellaneous editor AFTER being told THE COACH HOUSE was too “out there” with spankings and could I please tone it down a bit. Yes, my response was a bit of a chuck-you and yes, it was so-received (she never played racquetball with me again). This was sent after nearly a year of hokey-pokey edits, revisions, and deletions. I finally had had the proverbial biscuit and took the naughty words out.

With no further ado (ugh), this is NOT from THE COACH HOUSE which is not available here. I won’t gloss the text here because we’re a fairly erudite bunch.

Daniil’s unhumanly hands, roughened by centuries of toil and exercise impatiently sought her womanly region which was already misting with pleasure long-anticipated. Panting like a wolf on a cold October night after howling at a full moon although he was a vampire and not a werewolf, Daniil tore open his blue Oxford silk shirt and deftly, without thought, unbuckled his belt, flinging himself on her human form, the only one she had as she unlike he was fully human although there was a time he was human but that was long-since past like his need to trim his hair or tend to other such forms of toilette. He was desperate to have her desire meet his in a greeting of mutual attraction and delight.

Nearly breathless in his yearning to touch her curvaceous torso which ended in long legs not unlike the legs one sees on a very beautiful Greek statue, but not so white as his because he was a vampire and she, a delicious mortal human woman, as warm as they come, he leant forward. Moving her gently rounded hips provocatively, Carys whispered as timidly as a Tittle mouse, “Kiss me, Daniel. Kiss me my love.” His full and sensuous lips swiftly answered her softly spoken request. To her delight his velvet and probing tongue was firm and assured, although a tad cold due to his lack of circulation, but that in itself had a relief for her lust-heated body.

Daniil kissed her deeply, ardently, as though he might swallow her if he was so inclined but really he just drank blood. Had he been the werewolf to whom I alluded above, our plucky heroine may have been in trouble. She allowed his tongue to carry her into a purely sensual world of tingles hitherto inexperienced, as the kisses of her fiancé Steve repulsed her in their dead-fishlike quality.

I apologize that I did not save the original in which Daniil and Carys had a little spanking tete-a-tete. She ditches dull-as-dishwater Steve in favour of some lusty vampire tush-tapping. I had no inkling that six years later, memory sticks would be cheap and I would have found a little home, perhaps at Blushing, for my wee book. THE COACH HOUSE stands as it does today, a fun novella with some cheeky tidbits and a modicum of naughty words which would have Ana put me in the naughty corner sans Elf. The index was just for people like me who hate to waste their erotic reading time waiting for the “good stuff”. Oh, and the house porn. Did I mention the “house porn” as we call it was foisted upon me? I have 8,000 words of décor just rotting on a floppy somewhere. But who cares? I didn’t the first time.

Don’t buy my book. There’s no spanking at all. The next, we’ll see. As I am fornicated out these days, I’m working on mystery or comedy or both once Neurotica is done. My newest hero is the cross-dressing fire-fighting Chesty Leathertush who may or may not be prone to bumping off little old ladies. But that’s another blog for another day.

I am proud to the Book section and Blog editor for Evolvedworld.com, as well as a regular writer and blogger there.

I grok cats, chocolate, and sleeping in. My other bicycle (I have a red Bianchi) is a car.

Carys Brenner was living a peaceful but unexciting existence with her fiancé Steve when she started to dream about a dark and mysterious stranger making love to her. The dreams were in fact more real than she could have imagined. The vampire Daniil, assigned to guard the humans on Cary’s side of the time portal from cannibalistic Phages, had finally decided to see the woman who lived on the other side. He is overcome at first with lust, later with love, for Carys. Daniil discovers one evening that Carys’s ex-fiancé was in fact one of the very creatures he was hunting. Daniil knew he would have to kill the Phage and seal the portal over to protect the humans from Carys’s time. He could never see Carys again. But he would have to save her first.

I love the humorous way you have of putting words together, especially as it includes a vampire! It brings my exclamation marks out in all their full glory! I shall have to hurry and download your book in its entirety!

Aww you all are sweet! And Chesty is real! Well, in my sad little mind. Chesty started as one of those “stripper name” memes. I have lately been in the mood to write more comedy and perhaps a mystery. When I discovered Chesty Leathertush was my stripper name, I knew I had a story. I think it will take 2 years to write, with my sitter situation, but it’s there. Chesty, cross-dressing fire fighter of dubious gender but a love of all things crocheted. Get ready.

Hard to imagine years ago when ebooks were new. Now it’s fair game. Back then, it was a lonely world. And now the narrative is so different that I can’t even begin to think about “fixing” because I would likely just write a whole new book. Oh wait, I am. 🙂

I’m cracking up, Sophie! Hilarious links. However, it’s a sobering thought that The Coach House used to have spanking and no longer does! Sad news. I had no idea. I read it and loved it. I shall now go read it again and imagine what once was . . .

LOL. My teen says you need to write a story about “Fika-chu”- yes, silliness in my household, you’d never expect it. But I was laughing at your title, Sophie, and then found myself explaining Fika to teen, who then came up with Fika-chu, which had to be shared with Ana on facebook lol.