Rolling your eyes over NIPPLES IN SONIC 06? Tired of being called racist just because you railed on some non-English speaker at the forum you run? Bored with sending in fake news entries to everyone's favorite Sonic news site? Upset that everything you ever knew about Rotor has been destroyed? Cringe every time you see a "Request for Comment" in your E-Mail? Confused at how "freedom of speech" doesn't always apply to (EDIT—INFLAMMATORY - T)?

Want to do something about it? It's time to put your money where your mouth is.

How's this for a social experiment? Sonic Retro is working with TSSZ News to dish some payback to everyone's favorite Sonic news journalist, Tristan Oliver. Tristan has an Oldbie account in good standing at the Sonic Retro forums...but not for long. To change this, all you have to do is donate money from now until December 23rd. The more money donated, the longer he'll be under the ban hammer. That's because for every $75 donated, Tristan will be banned from participating in the forums for one day. We're not kidding. This is real.

Every dollar donated goes to Child's Play, the gaming charity brain child of Penny Arcade that brings a brighter Holiday to sick children in hospitals around the world. The money goes directly to their account--there is no middleman, though we can track how much is donated via the magic of ChipIn. You can too—the widget seen here will be updated as more money comes in.

So, your donation not only helps get rid of that red-headed bastard for a while, it also helps children in need. It's a win-win for everybody...except for Tristan. The ban will take place from January 1 to...well, whenever. Will it be 10 days? 20? 50? More? It's all up to you. The official results will be announced on Christmas Eve—December 24th.

So, channel your rage, open your wallets, and help make children's Holidays brighter all across this big blue world. Every dollar brings Sonic Retro closer to a classy, JOURNALISM free environment. Plus, you'll show just how classy and upstanding the whole Sonic community can be. Donate today!...or we'll be reading more articles on "POTENTIAL DREAMCAST 2 OMG YOU GUUUUYS"....First @ TSSZ.

You can use the ChipIn widget to donate. You can use a Paypal account, but it's not necessary. A major credit or debit card will do just fine—there is a link on the ensuing page to use that option, without signing up for PayPal. If you want to share this, ChipIn has many options to do so. Encourage your friends and your family—they'll not only feel good knowing they've helped Child's Play, but because they've felt the power. Of the ban hammer. On Tristan's face.

I haven't donated to Child's Play since my Sonic 1-3 marathon back in high school. Looks like it's time again.

What I find funny is the "I'm self-aware that I'm a cocksucker so I'm letting you ban me for money despite me writing negatively about an alleged banraiser for Chaos Hedgie aka Stepstool aka Electrical Tape Man and after this fundraiser I'm going to back to being a cocksucker" thing. Good times.