Sunday, 2 March 2014

This is not an actual blog post as such but just a collection of random thoughts given the portrayal of women and body image of the media following my recent googling of Queen Mischa Barton resulting in the discovery of some horrific, nasty articles written by both pathetic bloggers and major news outlets given the fact she has now gained a little weight and looks like a normal person:

WHY is Jennifer Lawrence held up as some sort of spokeswoman for women that aren't skinny in the media? The whole basis of the breakout role of Jennifer Lawrence's career is that her body is at such a prime level of physical fitness that she is able to WIN THE HUNGER GAMES. No, Jennifer Lawrence does not look as skinny as some individual actresses in the media. But she is clearly a very slim, slender and attractive woman and trying to hold it up as anything else is incredibly demeaning and patronising to all of us that aren't size 8s.

WHY are women held up as a failure for putting on weight or a success for losing weight? Well done Jennifer Hudson, you are now thinner and therefore deserve to be more successful! What a shame Mischa, you now look like a normal person, no wonder your career isn't as successful as it was!

It is clear that to be an equal darling of both the media and Buzzfeed articles you need to either:

Be one of the like, <5% of the population that can stay slim without trying (and even then, good luck adjusting once you're over 30!)

Go to the gym 6+ times a week and ensure 90% of your food is lettuce, chia seeds and protein shakes

But the important thing to ensure is:

To always talk about how much you love cake and fries and burgers and pizza so you remain relatable.

I haven't written in this blog in ages as A) I don't have much to say as finally rather than constantly obsessing over how much I weigh I'm kind of living my life and B) it's beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. I re-read some of my earliest posts the other day and some of them I find a little shocking. I mean for example, THIS post to pick a random is so indicative of a person who is lost in an endless binge starve cycle and has no body confidence that reading it makes me just want to give my past self a hug. I was at a healthy weight when I wrote that blog post but even just re-reading the individual sentences just makes me itch and crawl as I can remember the true self-loathing I felt and the tears that were in my eyes as I wrote it. I mean just to give you an example this picture was taken a week after that post was written:

That is NOT someone who should have been crying for hours as they'd eaten a Twix they hadn't accounted for in their insane weekly food plan created three weeks in advance in some bizarre Excel workbook they'd created for themselves and spent an hour a day curating.

I don't know what my point is really. I think basically I am slowly coming to the realisation that somewhere inside my head I was a bit ill and had a warped perception of what I actually looked like, and all these thoughts are out there recorded on the internet and it makes me sick. I hate the fact I allowed myself to be talked into getting into that ridiculous mindset.

I know most of my readers are people that write similar blogs so all I can say is this:

Think very carefully right now about your relationship with your own diet and whether you are on this diet for the right reasons.

NEVER lose weight to keep anyone else happy or because someone else thinks you should. Whether that's your boyfriend, husband, friends, family or whatever, make sure you lose this weight for yourself and not someone else.

If someone shames you for your body they don't deserve to be in your life.

Eat what you want when you want it. I'm sitting writing this next to a pizza. YOLO.

And here is my pledge to myself that, perhaps in the future, if I feel like it for the right reasons, I'll cut down on unhealthy food and step up the exercise. But I will never, ever count another calorie or point or Syn or anything ever again. All this promotes is an obsessive, unhealthy attitude that takes literally YEARS to break. And I would urge anyone reading this to think about doing the same.