Decorating for relationship success

For Abe Greenspoon and Leah Bartlett that means his cherished desert poster stays even though she dislikes it. The same goes for her turquoise piece that he doesn't like.Jean Levac
/ Ottawa Citizen

When a couple combines households, compromise is key, especially when it comes to beloved treasures. For Abe Greenspoon and Leah Bartlett that means his cherished desert poster stays even though she dislikes it. The same goes for her turquoise piece that he doesn't like (below).Jean Levac
/ Ottawa Citizen

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Moving in together is a big step in your relationship. While blending your lives may be easy, living together in harmony means first decorating your new nest.

"It's really important for everyone to feel comfortable in their living space," says interior decorator Kelly Nodello of Fresh Nest Interiors (freshnest.ca). But creating a home that reflects the personality of both partners requires some compromise.

COLOUR CONFLICTS

When Leah Bartlett and Abe Greenspoon made their move about two years ago, the differences in their design styles rose to the surface, creating some contentious discussions over colour. Green-spoon prefers neutral tones, while Bartlett likes to take her paintbrush to a piece of furniture when she gets bored with it, often using dramatic hues.

"She has this turquoise shelving unit. I've never owned a single piece of furniture anywhere near turquoise, (so) basically I wondered if she was going to turn our house into Pee Wee's Playhouse," says Greenspoon, referring to the colourful set of the former children's television show.

Nodello recommends couples with conflicting colour preferences keep larger pieces - including the sofa, window coverings and walls - neutral and add colour through accents such as art, pillows and area rugs, to appeal to the tastes of both partners.

WHOSE FURNITURE?

Combining two households of stuff can often be overwhelming.

Take inventory of both households, says Nodello, but don't rush to purge or buy new pieces.

"It's important to live in your new space and get a feel for your new home before eliminating too much; you may be able to repurpose many furniture pieces." A second coffee table may serve as a bench in the master bedroom, for example.

Bartlett says Greenspoon had nicer furniture on the whole and she was willing to let some things be a casualty of the move such as her red velvet sofa: The colour scared Greenspoon and, more important, it wasn't particularly comfortable.

The decision over whose bed to keep wasn't as simple. "I was pretty attached to my bed," says Greenspoon. "I'd spent a lot of money on it and found it so comfortable."

Bartlett refused to give up her bed and relocated it to the guest room.

"Every once in a while I think she likes to go in and lie on it just for nostalgia," says Greenspoon.

DISCUSS MAJOR PURCHASES

Bartlett and Greenspoon say communicating about their preferences is key to resolving design dilemmas, but Bartlett usually takes the lead in sourcing new furniture and decor.

"She seems to like the process of looking and finding new pieces," says Green-spoon.

It's common for one partner to enjoy shopping for the home more than the other, says Nodello, but both should have a say in the final purchase of larger items with staying power.

TO EACH HIS OR HER OWN

While you may want to exclude your partner's hideous collection of shot glasses from a European backpacking trip in their 20s, making a house a home for both of you means blending items that are part of each of your personal histories.

"Compromise is important in any relationship, even when it comes to home decor," says Nodello. For Bartlett and Greenspoon, emotional attachments win when the couple disagrees on decor.

"Abe has this big framed poster that used to be at his grandparents' house - it is a stark, desolate scene of a desert. I don't like it at all, and it's the first thing you see when you walk in, (but) Abe loves it and it means something to him, so it stays," says Bartlett. Nodello recommends designating a room or area for beloved treasures that create design contention.

"Maybe five of the 45 (shot glasses) could be displayed on a designated shelf," she suggests.

YOUR STYLE AS A COUPLE

While each partner will come into the relationship with their own design style, a shared living space means creating a home that not only complements both individual identities, but also reflects your style as a couple. For Bartlett and Greenspoon, communication is key to creating a home that they can both enjoy.

"We talk about decisions about our living space, and we don't push each other to accept each other's styles," says Greenspoon.

As for the turquoise piece? "It's in the bedroom, so at least she enjoys it privately," he says.

Find out how Abe Greenspoon and Leah Bartlett successfully merged their households in a video at ottawacitizen.com/homes

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