Since today is perv day on this blog, I figured I’d post some pictures of Jane Carrey, Jim Carrey’s daugher, at the premiere of “Horton Hears a Who” in California on Saturday. She is very attractive and if I was really interested in finding out who her mother was, I’d Google her, but that sounds completely illegal.

But then I said fuck it and Googled her anyways. Her mother is Jim’s first wife, former Comedy Store waitress Melissa Womer. And I also found out that she’s 20 and a lead singer of the “Jane Carrey Band” so now I don’t feel as bad about Googling anything. Check out her band playing when they first started:

I wonder what Jane REALLY thinks about her dad banging Jenny McCarthy. First her dad left her mom for Jim’s “Dumb and Dumber” co-star Lauren Holly and now he’s dating a form Playmate. Granted they’re photographed spending alot of time together, especially at autism benefits because Jenny’s son is autistic, but I bet its just because she’s trying to establish a music career. Selfish bitch. Using a poor autistic kid who’s mother was in Playboy multiple times to become famous. How do you sleep at night?

Not that everyone didn’t know this. Even the guy’s who hold the microphones on those long poles get a piece of Lindsay during taping, so its no wonder that pretty boy Jared Leto could hit this. Even after he gained 57 pounds to play the role of John Lennon’s killer. The movie, Chapter 27, seems like it would actually be good….until you watch the trailer. Not that I haven’t liked Jared in everything (except Panic Room), but itseems a little premature to start saying “Oscar run.” Especially when you have to look good by comparison when your co-star is Lindsay Lohan playing….well, Lindsay Lohan. She always acts like she’s completely lost when guys come onto her in movies, but you know as soon as the cameras are off they have to throw cold water on her and fan her off so that everyone on the set doesn’t get blown.

If it was me, I’d just let it happen. I’d probably pay her a whole lot more money, too, and if the movie bombed, I really wouldn’t care. People only attach her to movies to 1.) get blown during the read through 2.) to cause a PR stir 3.) they’re completely retarded.

By the way, where IS the 30 Seconds to Mar’s cover album of the Beatles for this movie? Did they not even do one cover with Jared in the movie? Dumb.

By now everyone knows that Britney Spears is going to do a stint on “How I Met Your Mother.” She will supposedly play an secretary or assistant to someone that Ted’s character on the show is playing. Now we find out that she was supposed to play a secretary to a dermatologist who was supposed to be played by Alicia Silverstone. Ms. Silverstone, not relevant since the 90’s, has backed out because she does not want to be freaked outexposed to crazies overshadowed by Ms. Spears. So now Sarah Chalke of “Scrubs” fame has stepped in for one episode to play the ill-fated dermatologist.

First of all, Sarah Chalke confuses me. She came out waaaay before Katherine Heigl on “Grey’s Anatomy”, but somehow has played a Mad TV-esque spoof on Katherine in Scrubs. And she’s also very hot and bangable in some episodes, but then another day I don’t even want to look at her. Its like that okay-looking chick you banged last weekend and can’t stop having sex with even though she annoys you because no one else wants to touch you right now. You have her come over, slap your shit around, and then can’t wait for her to leave. But then when she doesn’t return your calls, you get all attached and shit.

I think this is a brilliant PR move by “How I Met Your Mother”. Britney will be completely atrocious, but everyone will tune in to see the disaster. Kind of like her MTV Awards appearance or the reason a gaper’s block forms on the road – you cannot look away even though you want to puke. In case you wanted to know what Neil Patrick Harris had to say (and it IS kind of funny), you can visit this site for an interview with Entertainment Tonight. He wonders what side of Britney we’ll see on the show and if she has a master plan and is just fooling us. I think Britney thinks that her British accent is just hotter than her southern one. Southern is waaaaaaay better.

Jim: I just wanted to do something a little different with the Topic of the Week. Too often you and I are down on people or on Hollywood as a whole. This week, I want to give all kinds of ‘props’, as the kids say, to the studios and moviemakers for what has been an already awesome 2008. I mean, the Academy should just vote for next year’s Oscars now with all the awesome films that have come out in the last 2 plus months. First on that list, at least for me, is “Witless Protection”. This film, which came out on February 22, stars Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy. The hilarious and not at all mind-numbing Cable Guy stars as a sheriff who witnesses a crime and then gets involved in all types of hijinks! Let me tell you one thing right now…..when I think of fantastic comedic duos in history, only a few names come up: Laurel and Hardy; Abbott and Costello; Schindler and his list. Add Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy to that list, my friends.

Phatty: Jenny McCarthy has been on my list since Scary Movie 3. Cinematic gem? I think so. Now as long as we’re doing a Best of 2008 movie’s list in the first week of March, we have to mention “The Hottie and the Nottie”. Another cinematic masterpiece that not many people know about. I have a feeling once people get past that lazy eye, they’ll open a world of acting wonder that they never knew could exist. Best Supporting Actress should go to Ms. Hilton’s co-star, Christine Lakin. She gave so much herself in this role. She knew that she was much more attractive and a better actress, yet she somehow dumbed herself down and made herself into the Nottie better than anyone else could. You could really tell that the average 28 people who viewed this motion picture in theaters nationwide were moved by these two talented girls performances. Wait…..where the hell am I? What just happened? This must be how Will Ferrell felt on the debate team in “Old School”.

Jim: While “The Hottie and the Nottie” was a true cinematic gem, I think a lot of people are missing the best trend to happen to Hollywood since the emergence of mob movies in the 70s. I’m speaking, of course, of the newest wave of dance contest movies. The best of all of these is the special “Step Up 2 the Streets”, starring……uh…….some dudes and some chicks. First of all, you know its good because there is a number in the title instead of the word ‘to’; the old fogies like Roger Ebert don’t understand what it means to the younger generation to use numbers instead of letters. Secondly, the tagline for the film is ‘Its not where you’re from…..its where you’re at.’ I mean, it doesn’t get better than that. Its a life lesson and marketing tool in one!

Phatty: And we all know that life lessons that are also marketing tools is what makes the movie business run. I also want to nominate both “Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins” and “College Road Trip.” I’ve missed Martin Lawrence since the last thing I can remember him in was “Bad Boys II” and he’s such a great actor. He absolutely killed Will Smith as far as acting goes, and we all know how good Hitch is. College Road Trip might make an early run for “Best Comedic Performance of Our Generation” and “Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins” can (somehow) be compared as the latter day “Saving Private Ryan.” Don’t see the connection? Well then you haven’t seen the movie. The beaches of Normandy never saw the chaos and havoc of a Jenkin’s family reunion.

Jim: Thats some quality entertainment right there, my friend. I didn’t see ‘Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins’, but I heard that the scene with Lawrence’s fight with Mo’Nique was the best comedian-fights-big-black-lady scene since the 1988 Eddie Murphy-Della Reese tilt in ‘Harlem Nights.’ And I know you love Martin, but when youre talking severely underappreciated actors, the discussion begins and ends with Matthew McConaughey, the star of last month’s ‘Fools Gold.’ Not even Kate Hudson’s adorable and totally bangable ass could sway me from admiring the true genius of Wooderson in this role. It truly was the role he was born to play: shirtless doofus who is on the trail of a buried treasure. I know what some are thinking: Hey….dude takes a spoiled, pretty princess-type along with him on a hunt for treasure–is this ‘Romancing the Stone’ all over again? And to answer that question I say, ‘Go fuck yourself, dad, and make me some chimichangas.’

Phatty: Speaking of chimichangas, did you check out Nick Nolte’s supporting role in “The Spiderwick Chronicles”? He played a character named “Mulgrath” who plans to steal the children’s souls and smoke them (I’m pretty sure thats what he did, but I also only went to the see the movie because I was high). Its actually not fair to praise Mr. Nolte for this tour de force performance since he does steal children’s souls in real life. Don’t believe me? Do you remember Katherine Heigel in “My Father, The Hero”? Who else would film a scene in which their teenage daughter wears a thong to the pool……wait, that was Nick Nolte wasn’t it? Oh shit. That was Gerard Depardieu. Damn it. Ohhhh now I remember! It was Lorenzo’s Oil. Definitely stole his son’s soul. Who saves lives with olive oil? Nick Nolte’s manipulative ass, thats who.

Ben Stiller talked with Entertainment Weekly about his new spoof movie “Tropic Thunder.” In it, there’s a character named Kirk Lazarus, who is an Oscar-winning actor cast in the most expensive Vietnam War movie ever made. Problem is that he dyes his skin because the character is black.

Who has the balls to play this character, you ask? Robert Downey, Jr. Here’s what he had to say about the role:

”If it’s done right, it could be the type of role you called Peter Sellers to do 35 years ago,” Downey says. ”If you don’t do it right, we’re going to hell.”

Wow. Honestly, after Saturday Night Live, Mad TV, and The Dave Chappelle show, we should be used to stuff like this. Except its not just some dumb skit making fun of a taboo. White man plays a black man. Black man plays a white man. And usually the black people are more dead on as a white person. But we’re talking a major motion picture here. So Entertainment Weekly’s interview continues:

“Downey, meanwhile, is confident he never crossed the line. ‘At the end of the day, it’s always about how well you commit to the character,’ he says. ‘I dove in with both feet. If I didn’t feel it was morally sound, or that it would be easily misinterpreted that I’m just C. Thomas Howell in [Soul Man], I would’ve stayed home.’ (Note: In one scene, he tries to bond with a real African-American castmate by quoting the theme song from The Jeffersons.)

And just in case you were wondering what Stiller and castmate Jack Black do in the movie:

“Stiller plays an action hero who has just adopted a baby from Asia but worries that ‘all the good ones are gone.’ Black portrays a comedian known for performing multiple roles in a single film — his latest is called The Fatties: Fart 2. But when the film’s director (Steve Coogan) and writer (Nick Nolte) get fed up with their prima donna cast, they drop them into the jungle to fend for themselves. The actors think they’re doing some sort of full-immersion filmmaking, but the danger they’re in is very real.”

I’m gonna go ahead and say this movie might not do so well at the box office. Even with box office gold names like Nick Nolte and Jack Black. Robert Downey Jr. sure is throwing himself into some different roles as of late though. He’s playing Iron Man in the upcoming comic book thriller and now this. Iron Man looks somewhat decent but will just play out like Fantastic Four. At least it won’t be as shitty as The Hulk. But “Tropic Thunder”? The trailer comes out on March 17th so I’ll let you decide. And if you’re Irish, you’ll be wasted so get back to me on the 18th.