34 Slightly Embarrassing Products You’ll Be Glad You Can Buy Online

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1.

A Squatty Potty that’ll make using the bathroom a breeze for your bowels, it’s just that waiting in line with a poo-stool in your hand would really have you down in the ~dumps~.

Amazon

Promising review: “I like to poop. It’s literally the first thing I do in the morning. This makes it even more enjoyable. I bought this about a month ago for my wife and I. We are pretty healthy people and have no ‘problems’ when it comes to #2. But with this you just sit down, put your feet up, and bombs away! It feels like a straight pipe coming from your colon. Remember those difficult to push out BM’s? No more! With just a slight push, you are done. Gravity takes over, and out it comes. This is how the human body was designed to poop. We literally pooped like this for thousands of years! I recommend this to all my friends, who laugh at me until they try it. Stop making it hard on yourself when you poop. This is by far the best bathroom accessory you can buy!” —jjl1911

Get it from Amazon for $24.99.

2.

A weed cookbook for aspiring home-chefs who would rather not explain to the teller where they get their supply from.

Amazon

This cookbook includes drool-worthy recipes like rib-eye with weed chimichurri, raspberry peach pie, french bread pizza, and spinach artichoke dip. Your tastebuds are gonna be covered no matter where the munchies take you!

Get it from Amazon for $27.

3.

A shoe spray to greatly improve your sweaty scent (buying it online means you won’t have to ~sweat-it~ at the register).

Amazon

Promising review: “For some context, I am a college student. My dorm room is small and would quickly smell with a bad odor due to my shoes being taken off and left there. I use this product by spraying the inside of my shoes every time I take them off. This product does a good job at not only removing the bad smell of my shoes, but replacing it with a pleasing mint! At times, I also spray this directly onto my feet before putting my socks on. I will continue to buy this product for my shoe-smell needs.” —Chicago, IL

Get it from Amazon for $13.95 (available in three aromas).

4.

A five pound gummy bear — it’s gonna be a delicious dinner in the comfort of your own home, but would be ~beary~ embarrassing if the public found out about your culinary choices.

5.

A tongue cat brush that’ll make your cat *incredibly* happy but would also make the line at the pet store incredibly awkward.

Amazon

Promising review: “I bought it as a joke. But the cat seems to like it a lot.” —Simon B.

Get it from Amazon for $16.15+ (available in two colors).

6.

A lice kit — seriously handy to have when things get a little ~hairy~ at home, yet would possibly make judgmental people give your ‘do some stares at the grocery store.

Amazon

Promising review: “This product is absolutely amazing and the comb is by far the best comb I have ever used when treating lice. I bought this kit because my daughter (who has dark, thick hair) brought home lice. I applied it to her dry hair and let it sit for 20 minutes and rinsed it out. I then combed her hair with the comb. This is the ONLY comb I have seen get the eggs out easily.” —SherryAndKeegan

Get it from Amazon for $24.95.

7.

A boyfriend body pillow that’s gonna solve all your snuggling needs and be far easier to find online than an actual S.O. is.

Amazon

Promising review: “Not only am I obsessed with this pillow, so are are my fur babies! I’ve honestly never slept better. It’s the perfect cuddle, with no morning breath or awkward goodbyes. This girl loves it! 🙌” —Caren Lewis

Get it from Amazon for $34.99+ (available in seven colors).

8.

A hearty bottle of Poo-Pourri to keep your bathroom smelling beautiful, because we all know that everyone poops, but we like to pretend that that fact doesn’t ~stink~.

Amazon, amazon.com

Promising review: “One bathroom in an apartment just isn’t enough for two adults with healthy colons. Enter Poo-Pourri. It has an amazing scent. It’s very fresh and not overpowering, and it isn’t synthetic smelling. With most room sprays, you end up just smelling flowery poo. This masks the smell completely. I can walk in the bathroom 30 seconds after my boyfriend and only smell lemon.” —Allison H

Get it from Amazon for $8.87 (available in 20 scents).

9.

A pack of disposable urinals for camping and road trips and not for explaining to the fellow buying a 32 ounce Diet Coke behind you.

Amazon

This biodegradable pouch is filled with a unique polymer substance which absorbs liquid waste and turns it into an odorless, spill-proof gel.

Promising review: “As embarrassing as it is to admit, I used this in the car on a road trip. I didnt know exactly what to expect but I was thrilled with the outcome! I pulled over (female), positioned myself over the bag, and it was easy peezy! the crystals absorbed the urine and there was no mess or smell. I have kids and these will work great for them too. I’m really glad I bought these. We travel with our dog EVERYWHERE and we can’t leave him in the car to stop for bathroom breaks at rest stops so these have already proven themselves perfect for traveling.” —Racquelle

Get a pack of six from Amazon for $12.47.

10.

A memory book that’ll cover the not-so-Instagram-worthy moments your family shares together. Nobody needs to know you’d rather record your kid’s worst bowl movements before their first steps.

Walmart

Promising review: “This book is only for those with a sense of humor; others won’t get it, or worse, will be appalled. Too bad, their loss. This baby book takes a fresh look at the realistic things that can and do happen, not just the ‘oh so sweet’ perfection every other baby book on the planet has (yawn). If you, or better yet, the new parents have the slightest modicum of humor, this book is sure to please. At the very least, it will never be forgotten.” —tikisunshine

Get it from Walmart for $8.12.

11.

A hemorrhoid ointment for granting your bottom some relief (buying it online relieves you of having to go anywhere when you’re feeling so sore).

Amazon

Promising review: “Oh man!!! This saved my bum…. literally. Towards the end of my pregnancy I sprouted some unsightly and uncomfortable hemorrhoids, and then the birth happened. My backside was a war zone that lit up at the slightest touch, not to mention the road less traveled between there and the front line where I received an episiotomy. After the initial 24 hour wait, this tube of bliss was threatening to replace my husband on the list of most important things in my life. But seriously, it’s easy to apply and a little goes a LONG way. I used this every time I went to the bathroom for about five or six weeks and I still have half the tube left. It works wonders for more than just sphincters. I now buy a tube for every expectant mom that I know.” —KJzCola

Get it from Amazon for $17.29 (available in six types).

12.

A Pop It Pal — it’s sure to be the satisfying self-care you deserve, as long as nobody asks why you find it so satisfying.

Amazon

Includes a popping pad, “puss” refill, and a refilling tool.

Get it from Amazon for $19.99 (available in three colors).

13.

A toilet cleaner for efficiently cleaning your toilet bowl. Buying it on your computer efficiently makes people think it magically stays that clean.

amazon.com, Amazon

This includes one toilet want, one storage caddy, and six disposable pads.

Promising review: “We have a big family and I clean the toilets often. I remember when disposable toilet cleaners hit the market. I said ‘hallelujah!’ and never looked back. I’ve used every brand, but this wand is by far the best of the lot. It’s the most affordable too. Honestly, this is the one you want. It does a great job with minimal effort. It’s an unfailing boss of a toilet scrubber. The caddy takes up little space in comparison to others, the refills are affordable, and shipping is super fast. Highly recommend.” —Oregonians

Get it from Amazon for $8.97.

14.

An eggplant emoji vibe you can buy online so no one knows quite how much you love texting.

Emojibator

Get it from Emojibator for $29 or if produce doesn’t get you going, grab this standard vibe from Amazon for $25.23.

15.

A box of gas relief medication that’s easy to buy from the safety of your own (currently pungent) apartment.

Amazon

Promising review: “These are great, especially for ease of carrying on you or keeping in your vehicle. They are particularly useful after eating out at a restaurant or a friend’s place. They work great.” —Rico S.

Get the strips from Amazon for $12.74+ (available in two tablet types).

16.

A dog umbrella you won’t mind people seeing when it gets your dog to finally go to the bathroom in the rain, but you’d still like to avoid the inevitable “raining cats and dogs” joke the cashier would say if you buy it in person.

Amazon

Promising review: “My dog enjoys his umbrella. He hates going outside when it’s raining and won’t use the bathroom. I decided to get him the umbrella to see if he would use the bathroom when it’s raining outside. I was a little nervous that he wouldn’t like it because it’s so close to him because he’s scared of everything. Blaze loves it! He even wants to go on walks when it rains and he never did before. I definitely recommend this item to other pet parents. It is easy to put the umbrella on the leash and also easy to remove.” —Adam & Janelis

Get it from Amazon for $15.99.

17.

A wart remover to make sprouting toe growth a summer accessory we all skip this sandal season. Buying this from the comfort of your couch is a solution we can all ~gel~ with.

Amazon, amazon.com

Promising review: “I NEVER write reviews, but this stuff is a miracle. Stop debating what wart removal product you want to buy and get this NOW. I have tried everything, including having my warts frozen off at the doctor, and not even that did the trick. This stuff did. My warts were extremely large and stubborn, but I was persistent and used this gel every day. It’s absolutely amazing.” —Maria Efting

Get a pack of two from Amazon for $13.92 (available in 11 styles).

18.

A Go Girl — not the conversation starter you wanna have with your cashier, but it’s gonna save the day when ~urine~ trouble and can’t find a bathroom.

Amazon

Promising review: “I peed everywhere. That bush? Yep. Peed on it! That tree? Uh huh. Peed on it. Those tiny woodland creatures? Screw you, b*tches! Peed on them. You just hold it in place, pull your pants down just enough for it to stick out, and pee. No more taking your pants all the way off. No squatting. No accidentally peeing down the side of your leg. When you’re done you just shake it out, rinse it if you can, and stick it back into the container. Easy PEEsy.” —Dawn Elizabeth

Get it from Amazon for $9.99.

19.

A pack of toe socks that’ll be toe-tally comfortable if you suffer from chilly toes… but you’ll still prefer to skip the giggles people at the store would give when you get them.

Walmart

Get a pack of six from Walmart for $10.96.

20.

A bottle of bed bug spray best to buy from the comfort of your own pest-infested home, unless you’re prepared to watch everyone start phantom-scratching while standing next to you in line.

Amazon

Promising review: “It all started with buying a used window AC unit. I then noticed bites on my daughter and I(she sleeps with me) so I had someone come help me check the bed. Sure enough we had bed bugs. Even though we were not infested I knew I needed to act quickly. So I purchased this product and treated the whole bedroom. Cracks, electrical outlets, bed, and box spring. I then bought mattress encasements we didn’t sleep in the room for a week while the powder was doing the trick. Needless to say I go in the room everyday to check and see if I find any bugs. And nope I haven’t seen any. This product works! I went ahead and purchased the spray also!” —Natasha Lyn

Get it from Amazon for $5.47.

21.

A DIY crafting book for clever crafters who will fur-ociously hide the evidence of where these cute critters came from.

22.

A callus remover worth buying at home so your best friend doesn’t find out they’ve ~rubbed off~ on you and convinced you to start shaving off your feet flakes.

amazon.com, Amazon

Promising review: “I was thankfully blessed with a pretty face, but in return for that I was handed the ugliest feet ever! I have tried everything. I stopped going to get pedicures because it was so embarrassing. I’d never wear sandals… and I live in Florida. NOT ANYMORE. I received this gem and I am amazed!” —Jennifer Danielle

Get it from Amazon for $24.42+ (available in two colors).

23.

A scary clown mug that’ll look great on your kitchen counter but would look creepy as can be to anyone who might see it sitting in your grocery cart.

Firebox

Get it from Firebox for $9.99.

24.

A tube of toothpaste that’s gonna ease your gums: buying it online is gonna ease your worries about people thinking it’s because you never floss (you sometimes floss).

Amazon

Promising review: “I wish I could give more than five stars. I started using this two weeks ago and I have already seen a huge difference on my gums and teeth. My gums look healthy and my teeth are clean and even whiter!! I most definitely recommend this to anyone trying to bring their gums back to life.” —Amazon Customer

Get it from Amazon for $5.47.

25.

A dandruff shampoo for fixing your itchy scalp with a subtle solution no one will even know about, whether it’s seasonal scaliness or a full-year flake.

26.

A box of tampon flasks that are so genius (just as genius as you are for buying them online so no one gets wise to your scheme).

Spencer’s

Get five from Spencer’s for $9.99 or a similar set on Amazon for $10.93.

27.

A balm for clearing up toe jam, ringworm, and rashes basically as fast as you can click “add to cart.”

Amazon, amazon.com

Promising review: “This is the best product I’ve ever spent money on. After using this for less than a week I have seen such major healing that I think Amazon needs a 10-star rating option! NO LIE….I’ve had a fungal foot infection I caught from gardening. I am very meticulous about hygiene. It has been awful dealing with the look of it and the itching. Sometimes I’d stay up all night because of it. It looked so bad I never took pictures without my shoes on. But after using this for just a week (I want to cry right now) it has cured my feet!” —pascale green

Get it from Amazon for $33.22.

28.

A serial killer coloring book — a fun way to destress in this true-crime-loving world, but it’s sure to look ~sketchy~ to anyone who doesn’t share your… interests.

29.

A box of anti-diarrhea medication that’ll soothe your stomach. It’s good to have *before* you really need it during your date at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Amazon

Promising review: “I can’t survive without these things. I have quite a sensitive stomach and any greasy or spicy food works like Drain-O on my stomach. So if I know I’m going to have some food like that I’ll use these to settle my stomach. Without these I would be stuck on the toilet for an hour or two. These things are a lifesaver to keep on you, and are essential for any home.” —Reviewer

Get it from Amazon for $13.14.

30.

A selfie stick that’ll help you take awesome pictures on your vacation (you just may not want people to find out you actually spent money on it).

Amazon, amazon.com

Promising review: “Even I could make it work and I took the nicest picture of myself in fifty years (image above).” —Norel Pride

Get it from Amazon for $9.99.

31.

A bag of marshmallow cereal (with only the marshmallows) that you’re gonna love… as long as nobody knows you’re a dental hygienist who just bought marshmallows for breakfast.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $10.99.

32.

A wine glass that’ll bring you joy every time you touch it, far more joy than you’d have if the teller were to say, “Wow! You must really love wine!”

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $14.99 (available in six styles).

33.

A BBQ candle for brisket enthusiasts who want a nice smokey smell in their apartment but would rather not ~meat~ anyone who doesn’t share their particular pallet.

Amazon

Get it from Amazon for $17.29 (available in 12 scents).

34.

And finally, a personalized penis vibe kit that’ll be a big hit, even if buying it in an actual store would give you the ~willies~.

Amazon

This kit is easy to use, safe, and uses medical-grade materials to perfectly clone your perfect penis. The kit includes a vibrator and the ingredients needed to form your personalized dildo.

Promising review: “I absolutely love this. It was SO much fun to make and I could not believe how well it worked. It is so lifelike. I highly recommend this product!” —Carly N. Germann

Get it from Amazon for $49.95+ (available in nine colors).

Me after I buy basically all of the things.

SNL

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