Seven is such a great age and she's such a great kid. Her very presence lifts my spirits, fills my heart with love, but paradoxically makes me sadder that I can almost bare. I hate cancer for sadness it heaps on the happy moments.

Today it was the cinema. We sat together with our 3D glasses perched atop our heads waiting for the movie to start. She talks a mile a minute, whatever comes into her head pours out of her mouth. I love listening to her especially when she's struggling with a new word. The word of the moment is 'sarcastic' but she pronounces it 'sartastic'. It's not that she doesn't understand the meaning, she does, very much so, it's only the pronunciation she has to work on. I don't correct her, if she asks I tell her how to say it. Sometimes she makes me laugh so hard I have to plead with her to stop. We're very lovey dovey together.

When the lights dimmed and trailers rolled she pulled her glasses down and focused totally on the screen in front. With one hand she stuffed popcorn into her now silent mouth. Her other little hand reached for mine and we stayed that way for the duration, holding hands and just being.

Then the sadness washed over me. I don't know how many more times we will get to share these little moments. I will miss her so so much. I won't be there for the big moments in her life, or even to put an arm around her and tell her everything will be ok when times are hard. I felt the loss of what I would never see so acutely. I will miss the woman my little baby will grow to be. I was glad of the big dark glasses in the big dark cinema to hide my tears.