Are you a maniac willing to sleep in a parking lot for free chicken? Do you not mind supporting an organization that actively funds legislation to ban gay marriage? Good news! A new Chick-Fil-A is opening!

Chancellor Warhol isn’t our favorite local rapper (OPENMIC has that title on absolute lockdown for the conceivable future), but we’ll be damned if he doesn’t bring it each and every time we see him live. Though we missed most of his winning Road to Bonnaroo set, we did catch the bulk of a crazy energetic show at Bonnaroo proper, where he had a solid crowd of hip-hop heads absolutely losing it. Chance releases his second album, The Silver Factory, today and is celebrating with a free show tonight at Mercy Lounge. Unless you’re under 21. Then you gotta pay. The Hollywood Thrillers open, so Chance probably won’t go on until maybe 11 p.m., if we’re reading our rock clock properly.

Well, procrastinators, your failure to buy SoundLand wristbands when they were a meager $35 must be haunting you right about now. Eight days out from the festival’s kick off, ticket prices have jumped to $65 for a wristband and $25 for a single show. And unless you only want to see Foster the People, you’re going to want a wristband. Or, better yet, a VIP badge. “But Dixie,” you say, “$65 is so much money! And the blood bank won’t let me sell any more plasma this month!” First of all, that sounds terrifying. And since you’re missing so much blood, we’re going to go ahead and guess that you’re too weak to work as a volunteer like we recommended a couple weeks ago. But there’s still hope for you yet.

As the clock ticks down to SoundLand opening day, the local interwebs have been flooded with a deluge of SoundLand contests, all hawking wristbands or VIP passes to a handful of lucky winners willing to give up their e-mails for marketing purposes. Many of these contests are ending soon, so you’re going to want to get in while you still can:

This is by no means an exhaustive list and, of course, there’s always a chance that more contest will pop up before Wednesday. The Scene usually has a caption contest and, as long as you’re not awful, you have a good chance of winning one of those. We’ll keep adding on as we find more. If you happen to be giving away some SoundLand wristbands, drop us a line and we’ll add you to the list.

If you’re anything like us, your personal economic depression austerity measures (that’s a fancy way of saying “your unrelenting cheapness”) have pretty much put the kibosh on any possibility for excursions to upscale MStreet bars like Whiskey Kitchen and its ilk. Though we’ve heard good things about Tavern’s happy hour, we’re pretty used to getting good and tanked for the cost of a single top shelf cocktail from Virago. $13 for a green tea/honey/champagne concoction? Nice try, Virago. We’re just gonna go drink Tecate in a basement somewhere.

However! For one week only, all four of the MStreet joints — Virago, Whiskey Kitchen, Kayne Prime and Tavern — are offering deep, half-price discounts on cocktails. But there’s a catch: you have to drink their new and original drinks. That’s not really much of a catch. So, yeah, it means that you can’t just stroll into Whiskey Kitchen and get a $5 Maple Manhattan. But it also means that you can get something with some kind of booze in it for half of what it would usually cost and it probably won’t turn you into some kind of hideous mutant! We say probably because none of these “new and original” experiments are online yet, so there’s still an outside chance that one’s made using locally produced Oak Ridge radioactive waste.

In any case, the MStreet Mix event started yesterday and runs until September 17. You may need reservations in some of these places, although we’ve wandered into Whiskey Kitchen before 12th & Porter shows without too much of a hassle. Try not to dress like a hobo. Tavern and Whiskey Kitchen don’t appear to have a dress code, but you may be judged harshly for your jorts.

Ever wanted to get in on the food truck game? Not worried about Old Man McGillicutty at PizzaReal harshing your Five Points buzz? Well, good news! The proprietors of Bangin’ Tacos are moving to Colorado and aren’t taking the trailer with them. For the low, low price of $25,000, you could be the proud owner of the Bangin’ Tacosmobile, which launched only a few months ago to pretty solid acclaim. We’re not exactly sure how much it would cost to buy a trailer and retrofit it with stoves and whatnot, but it’d probably cost more than 25 large, right? This is your chance to start that truck before the bubble finally bursts! But you can’t start a crepe truck called The Crepes of Wrath. That’s our idea.

Snoozed on the Mutemath secret show? If you’re still jonesing for free live music and aren’t afraid of experimental, quasi-electronic jams, Grimey’s has exactly that hook-up. Hands Off Cuba (not to be confused with bearded folkies Hands Down Eugene) is releasing their latest EP, Volumes of Sobering Liquids, today and celebrating with a free in-store at Grimey’s. Sure, it’s not exactly “Break The Same” but Hands Off Cuba do happen to be one of Nashville’s finest experimental outfits (featuring members of Lambchop and other notable bands). Plus, you’ll probably get a free beer out of the deal. The show starts at 6 p.m. at Grimey’s.

We’re a bit behind the curve on this one, but New Orleans-based alt. rockers Mutemath announced on Twitter last week that Nashville would play host to a secret pre-tour show in some undisclosed location on September 6th (that’s tonight, yo). You have to RSVP by 12:00 this afternoon to be considered for tickets. Otherwise, you’ll just have to drive aimlessly around Lipscomb looking for a secret show like you did for Mumford & Sons all those months ago.

UPDATED 10:04 A.M.: RSVPs are closed! If you’re really nice, maybe you can be our date.

Happy Labor Day, socialist layabouts! We’re taking a moment out from our day of commemorating the Haymarket Affair by not being able to mail anything to remind you all that you don’t necessarily have to pay to get into SoundLand (formerly Next Big Nashville). Assuming your hastily Xeroxed zine was denied press credentials, you can still earn your way into the festival by volunteering. This is probably the best possible option for college students (short of, y’know, actually buying a wristband) since you’ll probably just have to work at the field trips during the day, freeing you up to see shows at night.

Yes, you’ll have to work a minimum of 12 hours — three shifts — to get in. Yes, technically that works out to being sub minimum wage. But, if you made good money decisions, you probably wouldn’t be in the position of considering a music festival wristband instead of eating. Volunteers must be at least 18 to register. Much like volunteering at Bonnaroo, you can list a couple of the bands you absolutely don’t want to miss and they’ll work around that and your schedule to get you slotted.

Seriously though, it’s a pretty good deal. Soundland runs from Sept. 21 to 24. Get your application in soon, lest you have to deal with over-privileged media types (hi!) during Yelawolf.

Tonight at Dino’s! Hate Life Thursdays skulks back across the river for another night of free debauchery. Local garage punks D. Watusi are playing a show in the corner behind the jukebox, followed by a DJ set by the usual suspects. The party starts at 9. Bring cash — Dino’s has not yet joined us in 1998 and invested in a credit card reader. Be there or… go to 308 for their DJ night? More on this battle for the ages soon.

Here’s a thing you can follow! This fake Twitter account might be a little too inside baseball for anyone who didn’t go to Belmont, but here’s what you normies need to know: a) Bob Fisher is the president of the university and b) in this situation, he is drunk. Oh, and Belmont likes to build new buildings and annex parks despite protest from the community. Also, one of the dorms used to be a housing project. Makes you think twice about effectively paying $900 a month for a crappy on-campus apartment, doesn’t it?

Oh, and Brad Paisley. He has nothing to do with this but we’re legally obligated to mention that he briefly attended Belmont before he started writing awful songs about checking women for ticks. Gross, Brad. Real gross.