Changing my life on my own two feet

Archive for February, 2009

I really want each of us to challenge our negative thoughts and words. Let’s not whine and complain, but rather face our battles and venture forth with a winning attitude.

Our words are powerful beyond our imagination. They can heal us or hurt us, so let’s choose them wisely!

This quote came from fertilehealthy’s blog entry “the power of our words.” In it she lists negative thoughts and words and how we need to adjust our negative words into realistically positive words. I thought I would try this out with some of my own negative words.

I can’t seem to keep track of my food correctly. It is hard to keep track of food, but I can do it and I have the tools on my iPhone.

It’s taking forever to lose my weight. I am losing weight slowly and am learning ways to do better through this process. I am more likely to keep the weight off due to the things I’m learning.

Because of my sciatica, I don’t know if I will ever be able to run again. I can walk, swim and ride my bike. I can work on doing Pilates and stretching out my muscles to make my core stronger.

I have too much to overcome with my weight and money issues. It’s too daunting facing the crisis we’re all in. I need to focus on what I’m doing each day to make things better. I have to create small goals and be proud of myself when I make good choices. Each good choice gets me closer to my goals.

This past weekend I spent in Michigan visiting family. A cousin is having a baby and my husband and I went to surprise her for the shower. We had the best time, but I did not have much control over my food while there. We ate at my aunt’s house all four days. I tried to do good, but did not get in any activity due to four inches of snow and temps under 30 degrees. I also did not count my calories. I felt like people would mock me. I don’t know why I do that to myself. Thus I have had a rough time and must begin again. I’m back from the cold and now I must thaw out and refocus.

I have had a rough couple days lately and I’ve let it mess up my food tracking and exercising sessions. I hate being an emotional eater, but it’s gotten to me again. I was doing so well too. Frustrations of life lead to me feeling depressed so I eat more and don’t track because I don’t want to see it thus I don’t lose weight and get mad. Oh the endless cycle!

Most of my frustrations the past two days are fears of mine about the future or worries about what other people did or said. I got quite emotional just this evening about some friends of mine who are just starting off running and are doing a great job, but one of them is signing up for a half-marathon that is going to be in two weeks. This girl just started a couch to 5K program at the beginning of the year. I was so upset because it did not seem fair that I had to work for over a year to build up to that distance and she just starts off and does so well. Why do I have to work extra hard to combat everything and others make it look so easy?

When I lost my 2.6 pounds the other night at Weight Watchers, I was ecstatic, but knew the people in there didn’t understand how excited I was because it had been a year and a half since I had been able to lose past that point. It was a huge breaking point for me. HUGE and yet there are new people coming in losing their weight quickly.

Got to break out of this madness before it gets worse. I did not track my food the past two days. Tomorrow is a new day and I’ll post tomorrow night.

Saw a sign today that meant a lot to me: It said In trying times, don’t quit trying! Got to keep that in mind!

Today as I have the President’s Day Holiday off, I am taking time to clean house. As I was mopping the floor today, I was once again reminded how we have to take our weight loss little by little. You see, I HATE mopping. When we built the house, we decided tile would be best as we have dogs. We were right except that to mop all this tile is quite the feat. I try to just take it a couple tiles at a time instead of looking at how much more I have to go. I’ll get overwhelmed by the entire task. I know we can make these comparisons over and over with different things, but sometimes it’s nice to see how we’re already taking small steps in some things and we just have to transfer that idea over.

Tonight, I weigh in and am very excited. I’ve worked very hard this past week and having this blog to confide in really does seem to be helping me. I’ll log in tonight to let you know how it goes.

**Addition – Lost 2.6 pounds this week – 66 TOTAL!

So tonight I made a step toward my weekly goals by going to kickboxing class. My first one ever. I had a great time. As I watched myself in the mirror, every fat person’s nightmare, I kept thinking that I was fighting my former self. I pushed myself very hard and I’m proud of hard I worked. I told my husband that I kept hearing Jillian in my head pushing me forward telling me that if I really want this, I have to push. Crazy how Biggest Loser gets into your head so much!

I also found myself at the beginning of the class worrying about whether or not I was going to hurt myself because of the problems with my sciatica. This is the first class I’ve taken in over a year and a half. It’s been a long time that I’ve babied myself and it’s time to step up. I remember that when I first joined a gym how worried I was to push it at all because I thought I was going to have a heart attack or faint. However, I had to push past and realize that I couldn’t worry about everything. If I did faint or had a heart attack, at least I did it trying. That is what I had to tell myself tonight. If I’m back in physical therapy, at least I did it trying to win my life back. Go me! I’m stepping towards my goals.

I sometimes feel as if my weight loss is a yo-yo. I have bounced back and forth so much within the past couple years and I’m frustrated. I’m tired of this game. I gained 1.4 pounds this week and can say that I tried to eat better this week, but that’s all I can say because I didn’t track my food like I should and I didn’t exercise once. I know…I know…what did I expect? Will I ever learn?

What can I do better this week?

Track my food before putting it in my mouth!

Stay within my calorie/point budget

Walk for 30 minutes each day with my dogs.

Exercise for 45 minutes three days this week

Swim once

Attend a Pilates class at the gym and a kickboxing class to see if I enjoy them.

Last night, I went to see a musical called Waist Watchers. It was hilarious. I loved it. Judith Lisi, president of the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, wrote and produced the musical. The centerbill said she “conceived the idea for this production during a meeting of a well-known weight-loss support group….” She goes on to say that at the meeting she found herself wondering what reasons brought all those strangers into that room.

The musical numbers were great. Some of my favorites were: “Scales of Injustice,” “If You Love Me (Please Don’t Feed Me),” “The Refrigerator Tango,” “Lose Myself,” “How To Be Me,” “If You Fall Off the Wagon,” and “What A Waste.” I cried and I laughed my way through the night. Having been a member of Weight Watchers for five years now, I truly have been there and no how important your group becomes. We all come to obesity different ways, but losing weight is about figuring out what got you there and dealing with that. This musical shows that very well.

One of the songs I listed above, “Lose Myself,” talked about how those of us who are losing weight have to confront ourselves and our fears to get to what’s really inside. The song “How to Be Me,” talked about how hard it can be to know how to really be ourselves. We’ve put up so many walls by eating our pain away that it can be hard to get through all those layers. It’s as if our fat is hiding us. Well, I want out! I am losing myself to find the best in me! It’s been locked up, but I’m getting there with each step I take.