You think English is easy

Please read to the end. In places it may be easier to read it aloud!

The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
The farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is an odd language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We native speakers take English for granted. But if they explored its paradoxes, they would find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square (contestants have corners) and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn't it seem odd that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian dine on? Sometimes it seems all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique oddity of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

Lovers of the English language should enjoy the following. There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word in the language, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when English speakers awaken in the morning, why do they wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?
Why are people told to speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
English speakers phone UP their friends.
And they may try to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers or clean UP the kitchen.
They lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.
English speakers stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is something special.
A drain may have to be opened UP because it is blocked UP.
A shopkeeper may open UP a store in the morning but should then close it UP at night.

English speakers seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, you should look UP the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list yourself of the many ways UP is used.
This could take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more examples.

When it threatens to rain, people say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out they say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but it's time to wrap it UP, for now this writer's time is UP, or maybe it's just time to shut UP!

Now it's entirely UP to you what you do with the information you have ended UP with.