The Idiots's Guide To Being A Good Husband For Dummies

1) Be a sport and call the wife before you leave work to find out if she needs you to bring anything home. And even if what she needs is three douches, a box of tampons and Vagisil, just say "Okay honey!" Then, just have a good chuck about it with the checkout person. Don't feel guilty about it either--your wife had a good chuck with the checkout person the day she bought jock itch spray and Lil' Mini's condoms.

2) When you walk in the door, give your wife a giant kiss, even if she's covered with gravy, sweat and play-doh crumbs. Say, "I missed you all day!" and "Wow, it looks like you had your hands full with the kids; let me set the table while you go take ten." Once she's out of the room, round up the kids and threaten them with asparagus if they so much as dare to start torturing each other during dinner.

3) Even if the evening meal is Meatloaf Again, gaze appreciatingly at both it and your wife. "Mmmm, smells great honey! You make the best meatloaf!" Eat it all,ask for seconds and volunteer one or more children to clear the table "Now kids, your mother's had a hard day, let's give her a hand." When you're packing up the leftovers, just drop the remaining meatloaf on the floor "accidentally" so you don't have to have it again tomorrow "Oh honey, I'm so sorry! I'll bring pizza home tomorrow night!" That way, you get to pick the toppings.

4) Help pick up the toys in the living room and use the opportunity to hide that stupid loud Leapfrog letter toy and the toy chainsaw that woke you up at 6am last Saturday morning. Believe me, your wife will appreciate it as much as you do.

5) If you're feeling frisky, go take a shower before you bring it up. It's harder to say no to a guy who smells like Zest and Old Spice than one who smells like sweat and meatloaf. Give your wife a nice foot rub during the last 15 minutes of whatever program you're watching, then when the credits roll, say "I'm feeling frisky--wanna go make the dent in the bed deeper?" Once you get into the bedroom, take 10 second to look at your wife like she's Gina Lollabrigida and say "You're so beautiful..." Then when y'all are done, say "Wow, my knees are weak!" and give her a big snuggle before you pass out.