Pages

Sunday, January 30, 2005

PGH Assignment: Michael Moore's Next Documentary

The telephone rang, jolting me from the most pleasant, but strangely odd, dream. The infernal chirping of the cordless phone continued as I reached over to find it. I must have knocked it off the nightstand, because I heard a small "thump" and the ringing moved down about 3 feet. I got out of bed and picked up the phone. I didn't recognize the telephone number, but answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Basil?" came the voice on the other end.

"It's 'basil'" I corrected.

"Yes, that's what I said," came the voice. I didn't say anything. He continued, "I'd like to talk to you about your blog."

"Why?" I asked.

"So, you are the 'Basil' of 'Basil's Blog?'" he said.

"It's 'basil' and it's 'basil's blog,'" I corrected.

"Yes, that's what I said. I'd like to talk to you about your blog," He repeated.

"You remember when I asked 'Why?' Well, what I meant by that was, 'Why?'"

Michael Moore hesitated. "To tell you the truth, those people scare me. Not all of them. I have a distant cousin, Gordon, who hangs around there. But he's the black sheep of the family; too conservative, you know. But, I'm not talking to them. They have guns. And bigger guns than my bodyguard carries."

I sighed. "Okay, why don't you branch out from politics? How about humor?"

"What's that?" he asked.

"It's not important. Just be aware that many people go to humor sites. And they're funny. Some of them."

"Sounds fun, which is sorta like 'funny,' so, yeah. Who do you recommend?"

I thought for a second. This was going nowhere. I needed to get rid of him in some way. I went to the window and looked through the blinds. I could see him sitting in an SUV wearing a ball cap and a gravy-stained "Fur Is Murder" t-shirt. He saw me and waved. I closed the blinds. Then it hit me. I knew what I had to do. But did I dare? I had my misgivings, but I thought of the greater good. "There's one I haven't mentioned. He's a lawyer, and..."

Michael Moore interrupted, "You mean like John Kerry and Hillary Clinton?" I could hear the excitement in his voice.

"Uhhhhh, yeah. That's right. He's a lawyer, and he's just a few hours north of here. About a six-hour drive. He'd be glad to talk with you. And, uh, stop and pick up a puppy. He likes puppies."

I gave him directions to Knoxville and hung up the phone. I paused. This was like fraternizing with the enemy, and I knew there'd be hell to pay. But, sometimes you just do what you have to do.

I picked the phone up and dialed. "Professor Reynolds, please." She placed me on hold. The music was playing and I was humming along:

When she walks, she's like a samba
That swings so cool and sways so gentle
That when she passes, each one she passes goes - ooh

The music stopped and I could feel a chill go through my body. "Yes?" came the voice of the Evil Glenn Reynolds®.

"I just thought I'd let you know, there is someone coming to see you," I said.

"You dare send someone to me? Who do you think you are, pathetic human?!" came the cry from the other end of the phone. "So, when's he getting here?"

"He just left. He's driving an SUV, but I don't think it's his. He's a hobo; you can tell by the way he's dressed. And he's carrying a puppy."

Evil Glenn® laughed, "Very good, very good. You have earned a reprieve. For now, I let you live. But one day.... One day."

As I hung up the phone, his final few words were still ringing in my ears: "Prepare the altar for the sacrifice. And plug in the Cuisinart."

Read Precision guided humor assignment about basil's Michael Moore's Next Documentary. It's funny. My question is how can your correct someone for speaking in lower case? I dunno either but he does....

Oh, my word! I can't believe I missed the best part! The first time I read this, I thought, "What a clever idea...to list lots of blog sites in a story...and it was a cute/funny story, too." BUT the second time I visited, I clicked on the picture at the top of the blog. My word, basil! How CLEVER of you to have created a whole site for MM's blog! WOW! This post took a lot of work. Did others miss this, too, I wonder?!? Once again, I say, "I LOVE your storytelling best of all!" Keep up the good and wickedly clever work!

Breaking news from the bowels of the blogosphere! You heard it first... second... um, OK, LAST! right here! Direct from basil's blog, we get the inside scoop on Michael Moore's Next Documentary! basil (no, not Basil - the other one)

. . . what Michael Moore was going to tackle next, there is the tantalizing possibility that it's the Blogosphere. I don't have the impression that he knows the lay of the land, or that he has any idea what...

In the spirit of this, spambots go here. Haha! Does this mean that I'm starting to think like Karl Rove? I am honored! Oh, while we're on the subject he plagiarized his tag line. There's a site with a similiar tagline that is MUCH BETTER than either of...