Sunday, 24 April 2016

The tale of two bows.

This is a
tale of two bows. The first one happened a few months ago (25 October) when
Kong Hee bowed in multiple directions to his congregation.

Then, just last week, at the Star Awards, actress Rui En also bowed to a packed crowd. She
said, "Regarding the recent incident - it's still under investigation, so
before the full report is out, I hope you can all forgive me. I'm unable to
answer the media at this point, but I hope to apologize for whatever
inconveniences this has caused...I am very sorry."

It is
reported that "at the end of her speech, she moved away from the
microphone and gave a deep bow. That's Rui En's apology and bow.

Now comes
Kong Hee.

He took the
microphone, spoke in tongues, told the congregation to collect their gifts from
the Church, that is, free CDs, and said:

"You
have suffered much over the past few years because of your commitment to City
Harvest Church. And your commitment to me. I am so sorry for all the pain and
the turmoil you have had to endure under my leadership, under my watch. You
have had to answer questions, and criticisms from family, from friends, from
colleagues.

Pastor is so
very sorry. So so sorry. That you have to endure through all these under my
leadership."

Then, he
continued his message to the Church and ended with this: "City Harvest, I
love you. I really, really do love you. Always have and always will."

This is where
he bowed, four long, deep and meditative bows. He bowed to the left, center,
right and returned to the center again.

Lesson? I guess an apology is an apology is an apology. It has to be
inward-focused. It has to point to a wrongdoing. It has to be one that accepts
full responsibility for that wrongdoing. It is also about accountability. It is
about personal integrity to do right. It is most importantly about change,
making amends, repentance, and moving forward.

Yesterday,
Rui En admitted, "This is an important moment in my career but I also face
a difficult obstacle. To be a good actress, I not only have to act well, but I
also have to put on my best self to the public. Because I have a
straightforward personality, I show all my emotions on my face, so sometimes
that causes misunderstandings. I still wonder every day if I'm suited for
entertainment industry."

Here, I find
that public celebrity/figure, whether in the entertainment industry or the mega-churches,
share this same "difficult obstacle".
And in this context, it comes in three parts:

1) Reconciling one's private self with public
self. For Rui En, this is difficult because she literally wears her heart
or emotions in her sleeves. She is straightforward. There is therefore a gap
between the person she is and the person she is expected to project to all. And
the wider the gap, the harder the obstacle.

But of
course, the expectation in the entertainment industry is different from the
religious institutions. It is only natural. No matter how human they are,
pastors are supposed to set the example. Their misstep is sadly always met with
this reaction, "But he's a pastor what!" With celebrities, the norm
is to shake one's head and mutter, "Expected lah."

2) The issue of authenticity. I feel that
all public personalities are role models in one way or another. Barring artists
in the likes of Charlie Sheen (whose idea of a role model is to follow your
heart), celebrity are like earthly heroes whom the fans look up to.

For pastors,
the higher expectation comes with its higher calling. This is what the believer
needs to believe as they view the church leadership as the emissary or
ambassador of their Creator.

That is
their un-admitted hope even if they claim to be following God and not his
anointed human leaders. It is sadly a dependency syndrome where they can feel
better about themselves (and it is less exhausting too) to know that they can
look to or rely on a better example (than themselves) every time they don't
meet the mark.

Seen in this
light, morality is about following a supposedly brighter light to lead one's
way and not so much about developing one's own light by going to the source.

For this
reasons, pastors are held up to a standard that sometimes seems unrealistic to
me and the vicious feedback cycle is that some pastors will endeavor to meet it
unfailingly, without exception - or so help me god!

This brings
me to my last point, coming back full circle to the bows and apologies.

And

3) The calculated apology. I know it has
been six months and the appeal is still pending till September. But there is
just something unnerving about Kong Hee's apology and his all-surround bows.

Honestly, I
would rather he spare his congregation the "apology" and wait for
such time when he is prepared to really apologize. It is therefore better to
say nothing at all than to apologize with one hand and using the other hand to
deflect all blame or worse, finger-point. (Surely, dragging his church through
142 days of trial with allegations of deceit and dishonesty proven beyond
reasonable doubt, not to mention the name of Christ - even if the main charges
were dismissed on appeal - would at least hint to some failings in leadership
right? The right and honorable thing to do then - apart from an apology - is to
step down, and definitely not to tighten even further the couple's grip on
power with an allegedly new anointed pastoral leadership from on high).

And telling
his congregation that he is sorry that they have to suffer pain, turmoil and
criticisms under his leadership and no more is as clear an apology as a father
telling his child to do as he says and not as he does.

A role model
is one who is exemplary in both speech and deeds, and not just in speech. At the
risk of stating the obvious, this is sadly a calculated apology. And to think
that it comes from a man who is supposed to embody most, if not all, of the
qualities of his crucified Savior is deeply disheartening.

So kudos to Rui En, for
having the moral courage to do what is right. Cheerz.