Travel, Dance, Minimalism (Some poetry, some books, some art)

saying no

It’s hard to not exert your will over others, if not through outright ordering, then through coercion and manipulation. Sometimes I just really really want one of my friends to go to some event or class with me, something they’re not that into but I just know would be so fun for them.

I need to work on letting other people say no and letting that be enough.

Something from the comments: “Not allowing people to say no in everyday life is basically erasing them as people.” – Speedwell.

Feel that so hard. My parents didn’t discuss. Their word was law. I was a bratty kid. I always complained, argued, refused. That wasn’t… um… that wasn’t encouraged.

And look at me now! Refusing alcohol and drugs on the regular! (Well usually just alcohol). There was this guy I stayed with (my first couchsurfing experience actually) and he kept insisting that he had bought wine specifically for my visit so I had to drink it. I explained why I don’t drink, I said thanks, but it will just be wasted on me since I won’t enjoy it, but he would not respect that. In the end I took a glass, waited until he left the room for a minute, then dumped it down the drain.

People like this are one giant red flag. Which is why I need to learn to not accept this behavior from others including and especially myself. Be the friend you want to see in the world, and all that.

I keep learning more about how awesome and important consent is. Love it.