Sensation as Queen harnesses Jubilee fever to stand for election

Buoyed by a wave of patriotic fervour, an invigorated Queen has seized the moment and announced that she will throw her crown into the ring and stand for election as Head of State in order to silence remaining anti Royalists.

In a recorded statement from Buckingham Palace, Her Majesty said ‘Although I have been humbled by the events celebrating my Diamond Jubilee, I am aware that there remain dissenting voices calling for the dissolution of the Monarchy. For this reason I have decided to put myself up as a candidate for election to sort this matter out once and for all. It’s time they put up or shut up.’

The news has caused a sensation in the media. After successfully coming through a skirmish with the BBC’s Court Correspondent, Nicholas Witchell, as to who should have the right to report on future Royal issues, Political Editor Nick Robinson, sporting a cut lip, told the Ten O’Clock News ‘ This is a brilliant political move. Using all of her sixty years’ experience, Her Majesty has chosen just the right moment to capitalise on a tsunami of public sentiment,’ adding, ‘we’ve not seen anything like it since Margaret Thatcher’s Falklands factor.’

Such is her level of support following the Jubilee; it seems likely that the Queen will stand unopposed, although insiders have suggested that the Prince of Wales is considering standing against his mother. ‘This is a tricky one for Charles,’ said a close friend, ‘it now seems that an abdication is out of the question, so whilst he has no wish to put his crown jewels on the block, as it were, he has no intention of trotting out the “Mummy” gag for a third time at the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee.’

In a pre-election reshuffle of her inner core team, the Queen is poised to ditch the increasingly infirm Duke of Edinburgh and chose a new running mate. At the moment it’s understood to be a toss-up between David Beckham and Gary Barlow.

Her Majesty will kick off her election campaign by appearing on The One Show tomorrow evening.