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How do I handle my overbearing in-laws?

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Now that we're expecting our first child, my husband's overbearing parents have gotten worse. My mother-in-law just told me that she'll be staying with us for weeks after the birth, and that she and my father-in-law will spend Christmas at our house. I'm thrilled that my baby will have loving grandparents, but I'm scared that my home is becoming theirs. What should I do?

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Luckily, my MIL is not as overbearing as some, but she has my dh so wrapped around her finger that she is the only one called any time we need a sitter, she watches him ever Monday and comes over or makes some sort of plan that we "can't miss" every weekend. I have no problem sharing my ds with his gma, but she doesn't respect many of my wishes and spoils him rotten (which I would have no problem with if it weren't 3+ times a week, I know spoiling is gma's job). My poor mother lives the same distance away but because she doesn't force herself down our throats is the one that suffers. We are now expecting our 2nd and unlike with the 1st I am having my mom come over during the day for the 1st week to help. I know my mom will ask me what I would like done and do chores/make meals and allow me time with my children where as it is the opposite with my ILs who decided while I was in the hospital that I would host my MIL's bday a week later since we had the only grand baby.

This bugs me to no end. This is YOUR child. YOU will be raising him or her. Everyone else needs to realize that the only thing they have control over is how much or how little they spoil your baby. You and your husband need the first week or two to figure out your baby's clock and how to adjust. to being parents. Set the ground rules now rather than later...the longer you wait, the harder it will get. If others don't like your choices that's tough. They will get over it.

I didn't have a real close relationship with my mil to began with, so she tried to do a lot for our first child, but i think she already knew i wasn't having it. My husband is a former mama's boy, so he was very resistant to helping me set bondaries at first, but he too has come around now that my child is older and he see's for himself how she can be. I am expecting #2 soon and I'm already dreading having to hurt someone's feelings, but thats the way it has to be when you're a good parent who wants to raise your children for yourself and on your own terms!

You need to clearly set your expectations and your boundaries NOW prior to the baby being born! You and your husband need to be on the same page as you explain to your MIL what exactly your boundaries are. Don't wait until after the baby is born - because your emotions will be everywhere. Don't enable the overbearing behavior.

i love my husband, he really stepped up and was a man when it came to the insanity of his mother. first we announced our engagement, bam the planning started, we wanted small private and a 2 year engagemnt, she was printing out horse drawn carriages and big ugly gowns and churches, then we got pregnant, bam we moved up the wedding date and she started again, he stepped in and suddenly not even so much as a phone call. it was bliss, except then the pregnancy set in and it started all over, however, he stepped in again and 6 days after the birth i issued an invitation for her to come see the baby. it really helps if your husband/partner can reign his mom in, takes away the stress and you can enjoy YOUR life.

tell her NO. Tell her, your husband with you of course, that you and your husband want to bond with the baby first. I would suggest you and your husband agree on some period of time she could stay and let her know (together) what's okay with you guys. My mother in law is very controlling and overbearing, and take it from me, you have to have boundaries.

If you are comfortable with, then go for it. But if you are already feeling overwhelmed, my advice is to respectfully decline the offer to stay for a couple weeks after the baby is born. Just find a way that she will (hopefully) understand that you and your hubby need time to establish your own family routine and bonding first. Remind her that having a new baby is hard, and that while you appreciate help, that it is very important for your family that you and your husband establish your own family unit. Offer, if she lives close enough, for her to come help some during the day, if that is something you would be comfortable with. Good luck. I have an 11 year old whose real father and that side of the family have nothing to do with him, a 2 year old with my fiance and one on the way. My fiance's mother is one of the overbearing type too. I hope things work out well for you all.

I am so glad that I love my in laws. My husband and I lived with them for almost 2 years when we first got married. They are like my second set of parents. My mother in law and my mother were with me when I had my first child, and will be there for this one also. My husband passed out in the delivery room and is not going to stay for this birth. I am due in 21 days. I am starting to think I am the only person that can say they love their in laws. They treat me the same as they do thier two daughters.

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