​So, you took the plunge. You moved somewhere you didn’t know anyone, you moved for love, you took a job, you got an internship, you decided to live that bohemian dream in Montmartre, you left after the divorce, you needed a change.

Starting over is HARD. And if you’re like me and go big or don’t go, starting over in a new place is REAL HARD. Depending on how many borders you crossed to set up your new life, feeling settled can be – ahem – tricky at best. Visas, registrations, leases, new laws, etc. Throw all that on top of not having your support system and it can be, to say the least, overwhelming.

And, let’s face it. There are mornings you wake up and wonder WTF have I done? What am I doing here? WTH was I thinking? But, before you go thinking you don’t have what it takes, remember how brave you were and how much farther you’ve gotten than all those people at home saying… I could never do that.

This is one of the most exciting things you’ll ever experience. You created an opportunity to be free from the assumptions and expectations you came from, the should’s and would’s to get to know yourself better, to grow as a forever foreign femme, to head in a new direction, to gain independence. The options are endless love! I’m getting excited/nervous/exhausted just thinking about it again. But, I’ve done it a bagillion times. I think that’s a number. And, by choosing a life married to a bloke from the other side of the world who brings home the bacon-err beef bacon (we live in Saudi Arabia), I basically ensured I will always be livin’ this nomadic life.

Anyway….

Whether you’re in your new home for 3 months or 3 years, I’ve got some ATYPICAL advice to making it feel like home. So much so, that when you leave/move on/take the next opportunity, you’ll be sayin’ you’re gonna miss YOUR home (more on that below).

SETTLING INTO A NEW CITYTHE ADVICE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD

Find THAT Friend.So many posts on settling in a new place explore very social options for meeting people. Which is great, if you’re SUPER EXTROVERTED. For those of us who don’t dig big groups and social gatherings when we know NO ONE, I have an alternative.

Find ONE friend. They are the kind and bubbly person you meet at work or the gal you actually feel inclined to spark a convo with in a coffee shop. They are the couch surfer you meet up with for coffee who jives with your vibe. The friend of a friend back home whose college roomie moved there 3 years ago who would LOVE to show you around. The yin to your yang. This is the person that will make all the difference in the world. They are the friend that complements your personality.

It’s also important at this stage of your move to make a real connection. Surface level interactions are likely going to make you feel even more alienated in your new life. Find someone you actually want to be friends with.

Obviously, this could take a bit of time as well, but finding that quality person will open the other doors. You will meet their friends and acquaintances who you might really like and they will be able to tell you about stuff you’d actually be interested in. They will provide enough familiarity that you might be willing to put yourself out there a little more. Or, they won’t let you sit at home. They’ll get you to come out and play.

Slow The F*** Down. Don’t rush things. It’s easy to get really eager and want to feel comfortable in a new place ASAP but unless you know a lot of people and are familiar with the city, that’s just not going to happen. Take your time and cut yourself some slack. Recognize that it might be lonely for a little while and use that time to reflect on what you want from your life or what you wish you’d done differently. This is your chance to take care of yourself, to set yourself up for long term success. Take this time to observe, to watch with child like eyes. Soon enough, you won’t notice how the sun beams off of those buildings with a sparkly glow or how locals do this or that. Relish every second as a foreigner.

Walk. Walk. Walk.There is no better way to discover your neighborhood, your city, the things it has to offer. A lot of my favorite places or services were found by chance. And while the internet is a fabulous resource, sometimes, there’s nothing better than good ol’ discovering. There is still the chance that YOUR coffee shop is not on Yelp.

Spend Time Outside.This goes hand in hand with walking. Sunshine is good for the soul, sitting in a park with your feet in the grass is grounding and good for your well-being in this emotionally charged time. You’ll be surprised the difference it makes to stop with a coffee in that park you happened by on your stroll home from work or job hunting. You’ll have more clarity and less noise in that head of yours. Its healing. Likewise, sitting at an open air or sidewalk cafe isn't something one can always do year round, so take advantage of it.

Pick ONE Thing.Instead of diving head first into everything that looks interesting, choose wisely. In a new country and need the language? Take a course. Dying to learn something artsy? Sign up for that pottery class. Really into yoga, barre or the newest fitness class around? Do it. Just don’t overload yourself. Again, slow and easy. Too much stimulation and you’ll likely just get thrown back into the busy pace of going from one thing to the next. It will also numb you to all the changes you’re dealing with. Start slow and see how you feel.

On that same note, this also means you don’t have to say yes to every invitation. There very few times in your life when you will have the chance to be so choosy. Trust me, the events, birthdays and social get togethers will start rollin’ in sooner than you think and you’ll wonder why you didn’t take more time for yourself in the beginning. Only say yes to things that truly interest you.

Limit Your Long Video Chats.This is tough when you’re not settled. All you want is to talk to someone you know, to feel normal, to not explain your life story to anyone who seems interesting as a friend. To zone out watching tv. And some of that is good. However, I urge you to limit the amount of time you spend chatting with mom/bf/bff. It can get a bit depressing if your transition is not going seamlessly. And, it’s important for you to be using that energy to make this new space home. Journal, watch local tv or see foreign films from that country. Go to a museum and wander on a free entrance day if you get bored. It also helped a lot to go to a local café or coffee shop to chat with people from home. You’ll be out and about, they’ll see a glimpse into your new city and you’ll be less likely to burst into tears of homesickness because, uh, look around lady!

Before I go, if you’re reading this and just moved somewhere new or are about to, I really commend you. It’s never easy packing up and jumping in to a new life. Moving to a new country I’d never been to and knew no one in was terrifying. It’s a far cry from travelling through. Remind yourself of this amazing step you’ve taken and take lots of DEEP BREATHS. It always takes me about 3 months to wake up and just feel okay. After that, it gets smoother. Every day gets easier. Don’t beat yourself up and be kind to yourself. Take a few trinkets from home, buy a few original pieces and make sure your space FEEL like home. It IS your home now. And you’re gonna rock it.

And, remember, when you leave this place, you will never be the same. This city is YOUR home. Not the one you grew up in, not the one that raised you, but the one you chose. The one that made you who you are as a forever foreign femme. No place will ever be home to you the way this one is. Exhale into that. Sigh.