A late diagnosis

Finding out later in your 40’s that you have Cerebral Palsy isn’t the same as finding out at the age of 2 to 3 years old.

When we’re diagnosed with something as a child we have our lives ahead of us to come to understand and adapt, to be able to deal with the condition and that helps us find an acceptance, even if we don’t fully come to terms with it.

I knew something was wrong, but I had already unconsciously reconciled that I may never get to know. Never knowing what I had and having to wait to find out, meant it would go on to take me years longer to adapt, when I eventually did find out.

Although it took me years to work out my symptoms, I was more concerned about the lack of interest. When anyone shows interest, they show they care. That mattered more to me than the disability itself.

Thanks. Those weren’t the easiest of times. I felt angry and let down that those who should have been supporting me didn’t, but in all of those years, I never gave up hope that one day I would find out.

I was quietly optimistic that one day I would find out and knew it was right for me to know. It has allowed me to build on that, whilst helping others also and for that I am enormously proud and grateful.

Remember I was telling you about my other mom’s friends whose small children have Cerebral Palsy? Every time I see them, I think of you and it breaks my heart.

They got their kids tested at infancy and you had to wait until your 40’s and pursue it on your own. No excuse at all. You have definitely conquered and continue to conquer your demons, my dear friend.

Awww that’s so sweet Bonnie, thank you. I feel for anyone dealing with Cerebral Palsy. So sad for your other mom’s friends, whose small children have Cerebral Palsy.

I try not to become jaded on how I got to this place, because I couldn’t do what I do if I became embroiled in my own personal battle, so I try not to.

We don’t forget the wrong, or the hardships we have to go through, the crossed words, the injustices, the reasons for our behaviour, but in a way what we have to go through shapes the person we become. It also doesn’t cancel out others’ responsibilities or conversations. They must reconcile those things for themselves.

But I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing now if I hadn’t have gone through those years, so that is the way I am choosing to look at it. I get side-tracked every now and again, (I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t) but I am in a much better emotional space because I am able to do what I do.

‘No excuse at all,’ I agree but we can’t turn back time. It is what it is. I have to get on with it.