David S. Goyer is one of the most powerful voices in the world of superhero movies. He wrote the Blade movies, co-wrote the Nolan Bat-trilogy, and will write both Batman V Superman and the Justice League movie. You’d kind of hope a guy with so much sway over popular superhero movies would a) actually know something about comic books and b) have an enlightened view of the medium and its fans. Unfortunately, on a recent edition of the Scriptnotes podcast (which has since been taken down) Goyer said a lot of stuff that may make comic fans unhappy, particularly if you like yourself some green superheroes.

For starters, according to Goyer, She-Hulk was probably created entirely so Hulk would have somebody to f*ck…

“The Hulk was this classic male power fantasy. It’s like, most of the people reading comic books were these people like me who were just these little kids getting the shit kicked out of them every day, and so then they created She-Hulk, right? […] I think She-Hulk is the chick that you could f–k if you were Hulk, you know what I’m saying? She-Hulk was the extension of the male power fantasy. So it’s like if I’m going to be this geek who becomes the Hulk then let’s create a giant green porn star that only the Hulk could f–k.”

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Woof. Where to start with that little theory? Well, for one, Hulk and She-Hulk are cousins and I’m pretty sure they’ve never bumped green uglies. She-Hulk has had her fair share of conquests, but they’re usually depicted as just that. She’s typically the one in control of the relationships, and in general She-Hulk has been depicted in a pretty forward thinking way.

Then Goyer moved onto Martian Manhunter! Goyer asked folks (apparently this podcast was recorded in front of a live audience) if they’d heard of Martian Manhunter, and when a few people put their hands up, he then asked how many of them had beed laid. Ho ho! So, between that zinger and the She-Hulk stuff above, Goyer has now firmly established that he believes all comic book readers are pathetic, chalk-skinned basement masturbators. Goyer went on to offer his thoughts on how he’d include Martian Manhunter in a Justice League movie…

“He can’t be f–king called the Martian Manhunter because that’s goofy. He can be called Manhunter. The whole deal with Martian Manhunter is he’s an alien living amongst us. So, he comes down to Earth and decides, unlike Superman who already exists in the world now, that he’s just going to be a homicide detective. So, instead of using super-powers and mind reading and like, oh, I could figure out if the President’s lying or whatever, he just decides to disguise himself as a human homicide detective. Dare to dream!”

Because who’s ever made a successful movie/TV show/comic/video game about solving murders? How boring and lame! Here’s how Goyer’s Martian Manhunter (er, sorry, just plain non-goofy Manhunter) would work…

“I would set it up like The Day After Tomorrow. We discover one of those Earth-like planets. So maybe like, we get the DNA code from that planet and then grow him in a petri dish here. He’s like in Area 51 or something and we’re just basically, doing biopsies on him. Then he gets out and he’s really angry and he f–ks She-Hulk.”

Nice call-back to your earlier dickery [golf clap].

So yeah, sometimes people say things on podcasts that aren’t necessarily appropriate for public consumption. Maybe this was a misguided attempt at comedy? I’ve enjoyed Goyer movies in the past, and am not about to write off his future projects, but Jesus, I don’t know if I’d be able to survive five-minutes in a room with the guy if this is what he’s like on a day-to-day basis.

+2. He’s a hack that doesn’t deserve 1/10th the fortune he has. His name only appears in the credits because he submits ideas and drafts that are usually never even used. You know all those little nitpicks you have with otherwise good comic book movies that aren’t perfect because of a few silly things that simply shouldn’t even belong in the film? That’s all Goyer’s “contributions”.

He has full directorial and writing duties on BLADE TRINITY. I rest my case.

So the man who wrote the Hasselhoff version of Nick Fury: Agent of Shield, Blade: Trinity, Jumper, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and the not really Superman Man of Steel thinks he is God’s gift to comic book creation. yeah.

I want an actress for those roles who has at least a passing familiarity with violence. There is something so preposterous about the surfer chick on Hawaii Five0’s action scenes, and the actresses that actually take six months to be trained by the stunt directors (or whatever) do a much better job with that kind of physicality.

Sheer body type, yeah, I think you’ve found a great pick, and She-Hulk in particular has always been very forward about her sexuality, which wouldn’t be a bad role for a porn star. Similarly to my dream of someone who knows what hitting a person actually looks/feels like, someone who actually is super comfortable with their sexuality on camera is something I would wish for She-Hulk.

I’m a little hesitant on this because it would if true it would fit some overstuffed blog about comics a little too perfectly, but wasn’t wonder woman the outcome of her creators sexual bondage fantasies?

Which is a large part of why she has lasso and so often gets tied up with it herself. That was always one of the biggest head scratchers to me about WW. Some one supposedly from a Hellenic Greek island yet has the accouterments of a waitress from a particularly bad Texas themed restaurant

@Eatz Yes. His sexual proclivities did play a role in her creation and development.

The lasso even has a counterpart in the original lie-detector machines that measures systolic blood pressure.

It worked like this: While asking a series of questions-What is your favorite color? What did you eat this morning? Did you murder your coworker?-Marston would take a subject’s blood pressure. An elevated reading associated with an answer pointed to the subject’s guilt. With just a rubber tube and that cuff a doctor inflates around your arm, Marston claimed to be able to tell the truth tellers nearly 100-percent of the time.

He has a problem with an alien that comes to Earth and becomes a homicide detective, but no problem with an alien that comes to earth and becomes a newspaper writer?

Manhunter uses his powers AND his secret identity to help people, but Superman only uses his powers to help people, not his secret identity.

Sure, the reason Clark Kent became a writer was so he had an excuse to leave immediately, rush to danger and always be around when bad things happen. Also, to protect/work with Lois Lane. However, in the Man of Steel we saw Superman work several different jobs (fisherman, whatever it was he did for the secret govt operation in Antarctica and grounds keeper at a graveyard), but as we learn from Lois, Superman used aliases for these jobs that weren’t Clark Kent. Meaning, even if they left out the part in Clark Kent’s past where he earned a degree in journalism, “Clark Kent” has little-no job history on his resume. How does someone without work experience and/or college degree, get a job at one of the best fictional newspapers?

I believe I mentioned something similar to this on here not too long ago, how I wish/hoped they’d modernized Clark Kent’s secret identity profession. I felt that given Superman’s work experience in Man of Steel and the backlash towards Superman/Zod destroying Smallville and Metropolis, it’d make the most sense if Clark Kent takes a job as a Project Manager or Supervisor at a construction company. He oversees several projects at various locations throughout Metropolis, maybe Smallville too, which give him plenty of excuses/alibis when he needs to leave immediately.

Not to mention, if Henry Cavill can pull it off, I believe an homage to Christopher Reeves’ clumsy/goofy portrayal of Clark Kent would be ideal. Physical appearance is all Clark and Superman should have in common. Clark Kent is a secret identity, a ruse, but he’s in on the joke with the viewers which makes it fun. Clark is the butt of jokes. His workers barely respect him and make fun of him behind his back because he constantly makes little mistakes, he’s rarely around but gets credit for their work and despite his enormous physique, he acts like the weakest man at any job site. And because it gives Superman the last laugh, per se, shows he feels remorse/responsibility and fills time between the panels, most nights Clark hires a “Night Crew” to work at one of his many projects. The “Night Crew” is really Superman. Clark does this for many reasons, it allows Superman to be in the middle of Metropolis/Smallville should he be needed, it keeps Clark’s projects ahead of schedule and motivates his actual construction workers to keep the “Night Crew’s” pace so they aren’t replaced.

Oh, and equally important, since Lois knows Clark is Superman in Man of Steel, we don’t “need” them working together. The whole, hiding his secret identity, when will Lois figure it out, is thankfully gone. Unlike the Avengers movies, I think secret identities are important, but I’m fine with Lois knowing. This Lois should be more of a partner/love interest, than clueless coworker/damsel in distress/love interest. Have Lois help find/provide info. with/for Superman, like an Alfred/Oracle type. I realize having them work together makes it easier to link their stories together and not force them in, but it’s still doable in this scenario. She can be the #1 source for Superman news/info., makes her more of a Peter Parker type, but still believable/doable, no?

Given how shitty MoS was and him becoming a reporter was part of an epilogue that may as well have taken place on another planet, I don’t think he seems to have that much interest in Superman beyond the paycheck.

Man of Steel had its own cover for Clark Kent telegraphed 30 minutes into the movie and wasted it just to cram him into the Daily Planet. The hipster douche who ran the underground news site should have been Jimmy Olsen, who gives Clark a job after figuring out the secret from Lois’s story.

Ahhh….David Goyer. Back when the internet was fresh and new, and I was young(er) and stupid(er), I engaged in one of my very few forum wars with him over the cinematic sequel to “The Crow,” which he was scripting. Good times, indeed. It seems he’s changed little since then, and, as Ironavenger6491 points out above, he still fails to understand what makes comic books work.

Ah, well, it’s good to see that the Hollywood studios still reward mediocrity with undeserved success.

Man, making a comic book fans are nerd virgins joke? No wonder he was able to create such wonderful works of art as Blade:Trinity, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence, Jumper, Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD, Kickboxer 2, and the Demonic Toys Saga.

“Co-wrote.” Nobody’s ever been able to get Johns to admit it (because, having interviewed the man, he is 100% a class act), but having read those books, I see a lot of Johns and very, very little Goyer.

I dont understand the backlash at this at all, this is why I hate the internet, everyone gangs up on someone for having a fucking opinion. And you know what, hes fucking right, She-Hulk was made by a man and there for is some kind of weird male fantasy of having this strong chick with giant tits. So everyone needs to get the fuck off their high horses.

Actually she was created because the network the old Hulk tv show was on wanted to make a spin off about a female hulk so Marvel cranked one out first so they’d have the rights to it. Then the network passed on the spin off and Marvel had to find other things for her to do.

David Goyer is one of those weird comics writers they have now a days that want to pick and choose what parts of the comics mythology they want to keep. Oh I can buy that superman is an alien from another galaxy who somehow landed on earth and got amazing powers, but a guy who dosent kill people well that’s preposterous. These leaps in logic are flawed and inconsistent. Yea a Martian who can shapeshift and hates fire and can phase through objects is totally cool but the name Martian man hunter that’s too insane to be believed. Who gets to decide what is ridiculous and what isn’t about superheroes? Writes like David Goyer want to have these heroes but they can’t justify that they might be silly so they scowl and gritt their teeth so the viewers don’t dare ever believe that a guy who dresses like a bat and beats up criminals with his ninjutsu might be a silly idea. Superheroes are weird as hell, and you can be an adult who likes to see dinosaurs get punched in the face by a pretty blonde lady who lives in the Statue of Liberty. I can’t think of a better role model actually.

i love when mediocre people are able to position themselves in such a way as Goyer, in an industry he clearly has no joy for and then have the arrogance and narcism to insult the fan base. I wonder how long before the phone stops ringing for Goyer.