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On a tangent…

People often wonder: What does it mean, exactly, when we say “go off on a tangent”?

The thing is, it’s kind of hard to define.

First of all, words are tricky. Like, when we say “stable,” we can mean anything from “structurally sound” to “unchanging” to “the place where horses live.” Plus horses are funny animals. Not necessarily “haha” funny, but, you know, curious. Long faces, hooves, manes—many weird elements.

Although they’re not as strange as, say, elephants. Did you know that elephants are allegedly the only animals that can’t jump? Which is bullshit, of course, because sloths and some others can’t jump either.

I once had a friend who’d quote this type of trivia all the time, but he’d never think to question or research it for himself. I don’t get it. Wouldn’t you want to at least verify the claim? Check a few reputable sources? It’s like you’d rather keep repeating total bullshit than learn the facts! Is that it? Is that what you want, Peter?!

Thirdly, learn to count. They say math isn’t important, but it’s everywhere around us. Without math, we wouldn’t have numbers and equations. Respect your teachers, kids. Then again, you should generally respect people, even if they’re not like you—women, gays, other races, ignorant weirdos who wear hats. All of them deserve your respect and, in the case of hat-wearing weirdos, pity.

In closing, I think we can all become better at playing instruments, tap dancing, and communicating clearly, concisely, and in an easy-to-follow manner. Thank you.

I can see why someone would choose to believe that Justin Bieber has been legally prohibited from making music without verification. It’s such a beautiful dream, you know? Why risk the chance that it might die?

I came by earlier today and left a brilliant comment. It was exceptional, perhaps the most witty comment I’ve ever made.
As I hit the post comment button, my internet connection failed. My internet connection is as speckled as a chocolate Easter egg except not near as tasty.
My comment had some allusion to the connection between hooves and hats but to reproduce this hilarity is beyond my mental capacity at the end of a work day.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
You do tangents well. It’s like most of the conversations I have on a near daily basis.

There’s actually a very simple explanation: Abraham Lincoln came back from the dead and attacked those people with his fire-breathing powers, acquired from an ancient spirit of a dead alien from the future. But the press doesn’t want you to know the truth.