Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The kids

Natalie talks about Abby fairly often. She must think of her often.

She randomly gives Abby a hug and a kiss. She recently told an almost stranger that Abby wouldn't be with us for very long, that her heart doesn't work right. She will also talk about what she wants to do with Abby if/when Abby gets bigger.

Last night she asked me how big Abby is. I grabbed one of her dolls and said she was probably about that big. Then I showed her how she is curled up in my belly. Natalie asked if she would get to hold Abby. Then she held the doll and showed me the ways that she would hold her and cuddle her. It was so beautiful.

Today, Natalie watched a baby sleeping in her car seat as she got dressed after swim class. Then she leaned in close to my ear and said "I wish Abby's heart would work better." Heartbreak, total heartbreak. I do too. As much for myself as for Natalie. So she could have the sister she so desperately wants. (She told Trever recently that she wanted to be the brother and Nathan and Andrew could become girls so she could have sisters.)

Does anyone know of a baby girl that is in need of a loving home, a loving sister????

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I was shopping with Nathan recently. He picked up a dress (size 7) and told me it could be for Abby when she was as big as him. I told him I thought that would be wonderful. He wants a house full of siblings. And he has told me that Abby "doesn't count" because she won't be with us very long. He's not being mean, he shows his love for her all the time. He tapes her ultrasound pictures on the wall in his room, as well as around my office.

As he is the oldest, I am so curious how this will affect him. How my emotions will affect him. When he knows I am crying he always comes up and holds me, just patiently sits with his arms around me and his head leaning against me while he tells me how much he loves me. He is so sensitive and in tune with emotions.

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Andrew gets super jealous if we hold another baby. He's actually okay with us holding a baby as long as we are holding him too. He is also really interested in babies. Wants to sit by them, touch them, look at them. Today he walked around my friends house carrying a little baby. Just carrying her and pushing her in the stroller. It was so cute. I'm so curious to see how he reacts to little Abby when he meets her.