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AUTHOR BIO

MR.J® BIO:MR.J majored in English and Communications at Old Dominion University.He's performed standup comedy at HA! Comedy Club in NYC.He's written for radio, TV, and the stage.Mr. Jones has also been published in copious periodicals including News Blaze, TCC Times, VA Pilot, Mace and Crown, Daily Comedy, and Punch Line Magazine.

MR.J® BOOK REVIEWS:"Amphigory Almanac" ranked #38 on AMAZON'S TOP SELLER HUMOR BOOKS LIST July 17,2010 & Mr.J (brandon diddy jones) is nominated as BEST BREAKTRHOUGH AUTHOR 2011 by INDIEPRINT PRESS, INC,-topics.dallasnews.com/article/0fJz5Km9DIdOk?q=Barnes+%26+Noble%2C+Inc.Amazon A-list Award Achieving Author, Mr.J is nominated by Indiepress Inc. as BEST BREAKTRHOUGH AUTHOR 2011.-Muse Monthly MagazineMr.J's new book entitled AMPHIGORY ALMANAC is splendid, superb, and smart.-Travel Trade TribuneMr.J commands the english language with terrific the power of Zeus that resonates from the surface of the page to the deepest crevice of the reader's imagination.-Word-Nerd World WeeklyAMPHIGORY ALMANAC display's Mr.J's elogence and eloquence are subtle yet celebrated in this peice of paperback perfection.-Elite English E-zineImagine if Mark Twain and Mitch Hedberg had a love-child of literature it would be named Amphigory Almanac.-Quiet Quip QuarterlyAMPHIGORY ALMANAC's relentlessly razor sharp and remarkably rapid fire humor create the sparks that could set the entire sky on fire with wickedly wonderful wordplay.-Geek Speak GazzetteMake sure you have a dental plan before cracking open AMPHIGORY ALMANAC'S covers because it will be jaw dropping.-Papercut Press PublishingIn the 19th century of fiction there was Lewis Carol, in the 20th century of fiction there was hemmingway, and now as readers embark the 21st century of fiction we fasten our eyes in awe to the newly named sultan of sonnets, the prince of prose, the wizard of wordsmiths: Mr. J.-Novelist Newbie NetworkWhat Edison was to electricity, what Marconi was to sound, and what terrible sitcoms was to Sherwood Shwartz is equivalent to what Mr.J is to comedic commantary.-Bookworm Brodcasting Bros.If boredom was a disease Mr.J's homerun hitting humor book AMPHIGORY ALMANAC would be the cure like insulin of intrigue to the diabetes of dullness.-Rainy Reality Review

MR.J BOOK EXCERPT:Meet Mr. J, a mouth-breathing-barbaric-lousy-writer so self involved that he failed Astronomy 101 because he literally thought the world revolved around him.Someone once stole his identity but it was quickly returned . . . along with several others to choose from.Mr. J is writing a new book or as he called it "an Amish blog".It will probably have more unread pages than crack dealer's beeper during the 80's.

MR.J® INTERVIEW:"Indie Interrogation: Mr. J"By Lil NubiMonday August 22, 2011http://royalflushmagazine.com/2011/08/22/indie-interrogation-mr-j/"Today we have an interview with the man, they myth, the legend Mr. J! No, not Mr. J from Americas Next Top Model, but the other Mr. J. Yeah, that's right...the author of "Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levit: Meet Mr. J". I simply call it Meet Mr. J, its easier to remember and a hell of a lot easier to say. Let the fun begin, shall we?Who is Mr. J? I mean, does the J stand for something or do you prefer to remain anonymous? I understand if you don't want your celebrity status to interrupt your daily going-ons.-Mr.J is either the fake author of a real book or the real author of a fake book.-Broken down it's: Three syllable sounds, two lowercase letters, and one witty writer.-It's an acronym of "Mostly Ridiculous Jokes".-I don't need a pseudonym to keep me from being a famous face in the writer world, my lack of talent as an author has that covered. I'm so unrecognizable that even my driver's license photo is just a picture of a superimposed question mark stamped over a faceless silhouette.Upon reading your book, the only conclusions I can draw are that you are either schizophrenic, or have an identity complex. Which of these terms can you relate to more?-I don't have schizophrenia, one of my alter personalities does.-I have multiple personalities, unfortunately, they're all boring, dull, or both so it's hard to chose which to be which has lead to my identity complex.I'm not sure which real me to pretend to be or which fake me I really am.-It all started when my identity was stolen then the thief realized who I was and returned it immediately along with several others to chose from. Since then, to me, books on 'self help' seem identical to books on 'helping others'.The book took me twice as long to read than it normally would of, I had to look every third word up in a dictionary. Do you consider yourself to be a wordsmith, and do you talk like this in normal conversation?-The word choice can be confusing like a colour blind kid trying to solve the Rubik's Cube, like Stevie Wonder trying to parallel park, or like an Amish elder trying to get a job at Radio Shack.-Unfortunately I do talk like this: And people just stare at me like I'm a lava lamp, like I owe them money, or like I'm a French Menu.-I find too many polysyllabic words in a row is boring and causes people to zone out, even my tape recorder gets to a point where it just pretends to listen. Every time: I press record and it yawns. I press rewind and it tries to remember what the last big word I said was. And then finally when I press play, it pretends to run out of batteries.Would you consider yourself to be an intelligent man? Do you feel you're smarter than the general public and this is why you have to use such a profound vocabulary?-Joking aside (which is to the left side of my superior intelligence and to the right side of the general public shame of their own stupidity/envy of someone else's intelligence and by 'someone else' I mean 'me', for all you dumb dumbs out there...but joking aside) I don't think laughter and learning should be segregated like church and state. And amalgamating vaudeville and vernacular acts as the midwife that births brilliantly infested excerpts of ebullient, erudite, & esoteric entertainment.Am I taller all of a sudden? Nope it's this soap box underneath my feet, sorry to pompously pretentiously and pedantic parade precipitous pontifications in homage of Hamlet's hebetudinously humorous Pollonius that took longer to get to the point than the earlobes of Spock.-So yeah, I used to be a narcissistic, megalomaniac, snobbish word-nerd that has been arrogantly self absorbed since I was born, even before that. For example: My sonogram looked like twins but was an illusion because it was a picture of me looking at the genius trapped in my handheld window which the dumber general public still argue was my own reflection in my handheld mirror, either way I'm a winner, an only child and a winner or a twin separated at birth from my identical brother who I assume looks like a winner.-And according to the dumber general public or the public that's dumber in general, I'm still self involved these days. Example: Recently I failed Astronomy 101 even though I'm smarter than the general public simply due to the small fact that I thought the world literally revolved around me and my brilliance.Upon completion of your book, would I be right to assume you got beat up a lot in school? Don't be bashful, I'll keep this between us...-Well, I had home school...So yes. But since I'm an alumnus of Mr.J Academy, I won't see any of my classmates till my 10 year reunion...aka: Next decade when I look into the mirror and remember how snow days were never canceled and for some reason still held a brief roll call of attendance for the entire student body that consisted of one student, one body, and less than one which if my math is right would be roughly zero or so, when it comes to counting the entire student body's accumulated total of absences: Since staying home sick meant going to school sick.There are at least 1.2 million different characters in your stories, are they based on real people or do you make most of them up? Do you take real life experiences and turn them into short stories?- I can't say really. I'm not sure if it's life imitating art imitating or if it's art imitating life, but I can say that regardless, either way, I'm sure they're both imitating an sh*tty book...and an imitation of an imitation is an original, sh*tty, but original.Do you write short stories because you have ADD and can't focus on one thing for too long? Don't feel bad, I enjoyed reading all of the stories, and feel if it was just one story I would of been bored out of my mind anyways.-Yes, I have A.D...Hey what's that?-My book is so ADD that the book mark is a set of shiny keys.-And yeah if it was one long story it would be so exuberantly excruciating for the reader that it should come with a tub & toaster, chair & rope, or razor & note.I found your book to become somewhat addicting, as much as I wanted to putit down...and trust me I really wanted to put it down I just couldn't do it. I wanted to get to the next story, and the next story, and so on. Did you expect this type of reaction or am I the only one to have this reaction?-You're the only one who's read it so I'm not sure. I still haven't read it. It was hard enough to write a novel, to read one too would be too much.-I assume readers would want to get to the next story in hopes of it being better than the one they're currently reading, which of course it isn't. I'm thinking to changing the title to "Screw me out of 12 bucks".-People often think I was on drugs writing it, so it makes sense that it's addicting. I've heard (cuz like I said, still haven't read it myself, but I've heard from others who have pretended to read it) that it's so addicting that rehab clinics have now replaced methadone with abridged audio versions of my book narrated by Dr.Drew Pinksy.It seems like your book tour will never end, when it finally does come to a conclusion, what is next on your horizon?-Write an apology letter to everyone who read my book. I'll be saying the phrase, "I'm sorry" more than Alec Trebek during a game of Celeb Jeopardy featuring Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman, and Glenn Beck. So lemme start that long list now: "Sorry" to EACH, EVERY & ALL...two of you. I assume I have at least two readers all together, yeah probably two (that is-if I round up by three).Before this is immortalized on RoyalFlushMagazine.Com, you have anything to say? You better speak now or forever hold your peace!-Yes, subsequently in closing I leave you with 3 things:1...Buy my book, "Meet Mr.J" written by Mr.J because all precedes go to charity.2...Since you bought my book, I should be honest and tell ya that yes precedes went to charity but also forgot to mention that I just changed my name from Mr.J to "Charity" and I think it's ironic that no one gave me my name "Charity".3...Finally, now that you've bought my book for a "Charity" that just changed it's name back to "Mr.J", I'd like to be humble, modest, and meek when I say: You're welcome!You can pick up Mr. J's book "Meet Mr. J" at Amazon.Com and you really should. Do you want this guy driving your cab, flipping your burgers, or even mowing your lawn? I didn't think so. Go buy the book, alright?"

MR.J® PRESS RELEASE:Outskirts Press, Inc. has published it's highly anticipated release of humor, AMPHIGORY ALMANAC: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity: Meet Mr. J by Brandon Craig Jones.The author's most recent book to date is a 5.5 x 8.5 paperback in the literary collections and humor category and is available worldwide on book retailer websites such as Amazon and Barnes & Noble.The webpage at www.outskirtspress.com/meetmrj was launched simultaneously with the book's publication.Meet Mr. J encompasses a myriad of assorted amphigories ranging from plays on Ben Franklin, lists of one-liners, short stories, teleplays on 'bromance,' pontificated, postulated, and populated prose preponderantly by parading precipitous, pretentious, pompous, polysyllabic pedantry.Finally a voice for an unspoken generation speaks with acerbic wit and ear tickling vernacular that rings true. Parenthetically, 236 typos (i.e. errors of grammar, syntax, semantics, linguistics, etc) have been intentionally left, not to exasperate a maladroit writing skill, but to accent how frivolous and moot rules can be in creative writing.It's a "Where's Waldo" of Errors making it interactive for the grammar gurus' scrutiny.Sometimes the stream of consciousness may seem scatterbrained and unfocused, but this was not done adventitiously. Each word was diligently and rigorously labored over.The steadfast and unwavering pace of self deprecating and self disparaging levity reminds the reader that the mission of the book is to be jocular and jovial at its own faults, follies, and foibles.Debuting author, Brandon C. Jones, hits the scene with his complete collection of work.Each chapter is autonomous and non-interdependent on the others. It's the kind of treatise that can be read in several different settings without losing momentum.Tone, word choice and style fluctuate, but motifs of a throwback to archetypal Woody Allen's erudite absurdity act as the midwife to the birth of a refreshing style of American literature.139 pages in length, Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity: Meet Mr. J is being aggressively promoted to appropriate markets with a focus on the literary collections and essays category. With U.S. wholesale distribution through Ingram and Baker & Taylor, and pervasive online availability through Amazon, Barnes & Noble and elsewhere, Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity meets consumer demand through both retail and library markets.Additionally, Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity can be ordered by retailers or wholesalers for the maximum trade discount price set by the author in quantities of ten or more from the Outskirts Press Direct bookstore at www.outskirtspress.com/bookstore.ISBN: 1432760076For more information or to contact the author, visitwww.outskirtspress.com/MeetMrJ

MR.J® FAV QOUTE FROM BOOK:Favorite Quotations EXCERPT FROM PAGES OF THE NEW BOOK: Last Tuesday Mr.J was struck on the skull with his own shovel.Exactly one week later on his deathbed he confesses to his best friend, "I've been lying, cheating, and stealing behind your back."His best friend replies, "I know, that's why last week I borrowed your shovel."

MR.J® NEWSPAPER INTERVIEW:It is not often that Old Dominion students find...themselves swathed in literary fame.Old Dominion alumni find their names listed in booksellers,but it is a huge feat when a current studentachieves the status of having his/her book soldeither online or in bookstores (self-publishingon blogs and writing sites do not count). MeetBrandon C. Jones.He wrote "Amphigory Almanac:Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose,& Linguistic Levity: Meet Mr. J" (might need adictionary for the title alone), is a student, andquite full of wit and comedic charm.Jones got his start being a stand-up comedianat age 17 at Ha! Comedy Club NYC."Incidentally,I started by writing jokes and they werehebetudinous humor drenched in maladroit mediocrity.Subsequently, I became a preponderantlyprolific penman.Parenthetically, some jokesfrom the stage made it to the page." Such humorexists in jokes like: "I graduated class president,prom king, valedictorian . . . Man, I miss homeschool.Sure every time I look in the mirror it'sa class reunion, snow days are never canceled,but when your body is the student body there'sno need for roll call at Brandon Jones Academy."For a good synopsis of the book, the best bet isto read it.Jones said about his book, "My book isconfusing at best. Understanding some chaptersis like trying to solve the Rubik's Cube . . . colorblind . . . Essentially it's either a real book bya fake author or a fake book by a real author."Whichever one it is, it is definitely worth checkingout, despite Jones' claim that readers want"an immediate refund and apology" after readinghis book.It was not an easy process, writing a book.Jones juggled school and writing, and puttingboth factors together did not equate perfect results.There were times that he "almost gaveup and folded under pressure like origami," butmany great authors take detours before arrivingat the end of their journey.For his first book,Jones "trott[ed] the uncharted blue marble spinningin the abyss of star sprinkled doubt orbitingthe galaxy of inevitable failure, frustration,and disappointment.I had no Rosetta stone, nocompass, no archetypal template or formula toguide me. I was lost but kept moving forwardat a steadfast and unwavering pace.I was likeLewis or Clark exploring the ragged edges of theuniverse."However, Jones did get come inspiration fromhis ODU professors, one of them being Dr. Joy, aCommunications professor. "After acing the finalexam in her class, I knew I could use sophistryto manipulate some automaton to publish mybook even though reading it will you put you tosleep faster than a narcoleptic counting sheep on20 mg of Ambien." He made an articulate literaryshout out to the great American novelist,F. Scott Fitzgerald. "I pay a copious homage toF. Scott Fitzgerald's brilliantly infested passagesgleaming like the crimson bloom of the rose coloredsun radiating with a subtle elegance yet acelebrated eloquence." Also to Woody Allen. "Ialso like amalgamating erudition and absurditylike a nerdy Samuel Becket aka Woody Allenpre-Annie Hall."Jones did offer some good advice for aspiringauthors. "Think outside of the box and the books.Be the first to write a "Where's Waldo?" bookwith flat brail that can only be read while usingoven mittens.Or a book called "Ventriloquismfor Dummies", I can't believe no one's done thatdouble entendre yet." He also remarks on publishingin the era of e-books and instantaneousreading. "Oh and don't publish on paper. It's aniPod era and hardcovers are pre-Marconi phonographs.Printed paper publishing is so outdated itmakes Alexander Graham Bell's first prototypelook like the unreleased iPhone."Jones is already starting on a new book."I'm making a yearbook because I never had onein home school. I'm still not sure if I want thelast chapter to say, "Have a great summer, KIT",it's just so predictable.Maybe I'll think of a twistending while picking up some Windex for myclass reunion."Asked about what he sees himself doing in tenyears, Jones said, "Writing . . . on a cardboardsign, "Will check grammar for food."Or I'll beconsumed with intrinsic elation while working onmy 3rd novel."Let's hope it's the former. Whoknows, he may write the next bestseller includingpop-ups, braille, and those little soundbite chipsfound inside greeting cards.In the meantime,pick up "Amphigory Almanac: HebetudinousHumour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity:Meet Mr. J".It's available online at Amazon,Barnes & Noble, and the Dominion Bookstore.