Times
have certainly changed - and, from this writer's perspective - for the MUCH
better. In the past, husbands and wives had separate roles and responsibilities
that they really never shared with one another. Each 'did their own thing' and
was judged by everyone (INCLUDING their spouse) on the basis of how well they
performed the role of 'husband' or 'wife'. One need only to look at the
'situation comedies' of the 1950s and earlier to see the conundrum such foolish
compartmentalization caused. In World War II, women all over the world stepped
forward into the 'man's world' performing tasks with previously unimaginable
competency. Yet, upon their return from war, both sexes resumed - tentatively,
uncomfortably, and only briefly - the stereotypes from which they had emerged.

As we moved through the tumultuous 1960s and 1970s, role
reversal - often spurred by a disintegration of the nuclear family by divorce -
was common. The great goal was to find a 'soul mate': one with whom every
thought, no matter how irrelevant or unimportant, could (and WOULD) be shared.
Somehow, we thought, we'd all benefit from this shared existence.

In truth, having someone with whom you can share your
thoughts, feelings, cares, concerns, joys, sorrows, and more is perhaps the
greatest gift of our Creator. To have a spouse who understands what makes us
happy (and does everything they can to foster that) and what makes us sad (and
helps us to avoid those things) is such a blessing. It is only natural,
therefore, that seeing something which could cause a rift or separate that
shared consciousness we become concerned and anxious.

Why can't I share my Masonic ritual with my wife?

Each day of our lives we have things happen to and around
us that are both major and minor. Even for those who say "I share everything
with my wife." the reality is that they do not. Were this to occur, there'd be
no time for ANYTHING else in life. It would be all about YOU - and your wife
would have no opportunity to share HER life (or to tell you how truly bored she
is in hearing the unimportant details of YOUR self-importance). So what does one
say when a wife asks about the evening's meeting? For most Masons, it's a
recitation of who you saw there, what's going on in their lives, and other bits
of relevance.

"Hi, Honey. You're home later
than usual tonight. How did it go?"

"Oh, great. The meeting ran
long tonight because we were voting on whether we're going to consider
moving to a new building out in the western part of city. You know our
current hall has really suffered this past winter and it's a question of
whether or not we should spend the money to both update the furnace and
repair the roof. There's a building out on South Central that might be a
real buy and it's been suggested that we look at moving there instead. Wow!
What a lot of discussion there was. Oh, and I learned that Bill Martin's
wife is pregnant. They don't know if it's a boy or girl just yet but she's
due to deliver in September. Maybe we could give them some of the things
we've still got in the attic? And on the way to the meeting, I discovered
there's a new office products store going in at the corner of Birch and
Maple."

"Well, all of that stuff is
certainly great, dear, but what about the ritual? I want to know every word
of what was said...."

Does that sound like what your wife would say?

How about:

"Hi, Honey. You're home later
than usual tonight. How did it go?"

"Oh, great.

There was a lot of stuff about the
building, somebody's wife being pregnant, a couple of guys who died
including the fellow who came to the house just last month, and some details
about the upcoming dinner-dance. But let's skip all of that and I'll tell
you about the ritual! It was exactly the same as the last meeting but surely
you'll want to hear about it again rather than about all those other things,
right?"

Uh-huh....

Now
it is possible, of course, to argue that if a wife was able to read the ritual
just once, that would be sufficient. On the other hand, without the setting of
the lodge, the interactions of the officers, etc., it really is just 'words on
paper' and has little meaning whatsoever. If your wife - or ANYONE - is so
intent on reading each and every word, there are hundreds of 'exposures'
available in a variety of locations including your local bookstore,
book-superstore, or even right on the web! Heck, there's a 'religious reading'
rack at my local supermarket that has a 'Duncan's Masonic Ritual' right there.
For less than $10, she can read to her heart's content and you two can spend
precious time together talking about the important things in life!

But what should I tell my wife when she asks?

It's probably only the first few meetings that this will
be an issue. After those, the dialog will be like that above.

Coming home from lodge the first time, however, it's always
difficult to know just exactly what to say. There are SO many emotions that wash
over us in a setting so different that anything we've ever experienced, whatever
is said will likely be unintelligible. Even to those who may have taken the
degree with you, trying to explain is nigh unto impossible. Nevertheless, there
are certain things that you will understand on a very 'gut' level: the
friendship, the fraternity, the caring and concern, the panoply of history, the
depth of the imagery, and the dawning realization that you're a part of a very
old tradition. The words are of little importance when compared with the
emotions they evoke - and, to be honest, any astute wife should realize that
you've just experienced something that simply cannot be explained at that time.
What she should see is that you've embarked on a path that will make you a
better man as the days go on - and for that, she should gain a great inner
peace.

Rather than pepper you with questions, a caring partner
will bask in the glow of your enjoyment of the evening. She will, as time goes
on, want to know just what it is that has touched you so deeply and, in time,
you may be more able to explain. She will also be attending various lodge
functions to meet and share with other wives as they too seek to understand.

Taking Off My Wedding Ring

Something that's sometimes contentious for potential
candidates is their understanding of the requirement that their wedding ring be
removed during the ceremony. Freemasonry's detractors, in fact, make an
elaborate point that this 'proves' Masonry seeks to disrupt the family. In fact,
nothing could be further from the truth.

First, let's look at the practicality of it all. In some
religions, the man does not even wear a wedding ring. In the Jewish faith, for
example, it's highly unusual although some Rabbis do permit it. In many
occupations, removal of ALL jewelry is mandated so as to ensure that a person
will not become ensnared in machinery and lose a finger or hand. (Witnessing a
person having their finger ripped off is not something that most folks
understand: this site's author saw it occur and thinks that any person promising
to never remove a ring is just plain stupid!) And finally, there are often tasks
that are so dirty that taking off a ring only makes sense: cleaning a drain trap
wearing a wedding ring is a great way to ruin its appearance forever!

And beyond all of that, FIDELITY - which is the symbolic
purpose of the ring - is FAR more important than a piece of jewelry.

But, putting aside practicalities, let's address the
objection.

Why does Masonry require that I take off my wedding ring?

Actually, it's not just the wedding ring that we require
be removed before taking your degree. It's anything of a mineral or metallic
substance. Why? It's part of the 'Rite of Destitution'....

Freemasonry's degrees are actually a combination of
several ceremonies together. Each degree has several of these. Some are repeated
in each while in others, they stand independently. Each ceremony is designed to
impart an important lesson in which the candidate is an active participant. One
of these ceremonies occurs quite early in the progress of the candidate and in
it he is taught one of the most important lessons of Freemasonry: charity.
Having been divested of all things mineral or metal, he is called upon to
practice that truly Masonic virtue yet he finds himself totally destitute.
Despite his strong desire to prove his worthiness by complying with the request
made of him, he is truly unable to do so - and thereby, he learns in a very
forcible way that being poor and penniless can occur at any time to anyone and
that it is his obligation and duty to relieve such distress if he is able.

Were the candidate to be in the lodge room with jewelry,
for example, he might - considering the situation - be tempted to make a gift
realizing that of all virtues, as the Bible reminds us, "...the Greatest of
these is Charity." In fact, this possibility has been eliminated and the
candidate can fully appreciate the helpless human condition where he may have
never found himself before.

This, then, is the lesson learned. If you're a Mason
reading this, you understand completely; if not a Mason yet, this description -
these words - may be mumbo-jumbo. Suffice it to say, though, that millions of
men who have gone before you have not felt this ceremony to be in any way
derogatory or demeaning to their marriage or the vows of love, affection,
fidelity and caring they've made to their wives.

The ceremony makes an indelible mark on one's conscience
that may not fully manifest itself until years later. It is no accident,
however, that SO many Masons are those who are involved in philanthropic
endeavors and will readily give to others before partaking themselves. Read the
death notices in your local paper and you'll see.... Not all Masons have
fortunes to give away but every one will give whatever he can whenever he can do
it without injury to himself OR HIS FAMILY! This is what Freemasonry is all
about - and this lesson is learned in the Rite of Destitution - prior to which
his jewelry has been removed.

For some additional readings, there's a very interesting
(although, due to page formatting, difficult to see in order to read) essay
here.

Just
click on "Prince, the Search Dog" to find things on our site. He's on every page
and he'll take you directly to our search form where you can see if we've
written about whatever it is you're interested in. Prince has a great memory; he
always remembers where things are!