Party-givers Should Bar Piggish Couple

January 02, 1986|By Abigail Van Buren.

Dear Abby: I have had it! For the last six years my husband and I have had a cocktail party on Christmas Day for our neighbors and close friends. We have an open bar and a beautiful buffet, which is quite expensive.

Here`s my problem: One couple (man and wife) arrive early and gorge themselves at the buffet table. They eat so much and so fast, little is left for the other guests. Honestly, Abby, between them they polish off over half of a special meat dish that most guests have complimented me on. After they have sated themselves, the husband concentrates on our liquor.

The other guests have noticed how piggish they are, and my husband said he has had these pigs at our parties for the last time. But how can we avoid having them? They are very close neighbors, and it would be awkward to exclude them.

If we don`t invite them, they are brassy enough to come uninvited when they see all the neighbors going into our house. Any suggestions?

Anguished in Arizona.

Dear Anguished: Inviting people you do not want in order to ``avoid awkwardness`` is a cop-out. Do not invite them. And if they come anyway and proceed to attack your buffet, sidle up to them, and whisper with a wink and a smile, ``Whoa! Save a little for someone else!`` Or be prepared to spend a little more to feed the pigs.

Dear Abby: May I join the hordes of those who are undoubtedly writing about the gentleman who entered your column on the back of a mule to promote Mule Appreciation Day?

While I do not share his devotion to mules, I see nothing wrong with his premise that a day set aside to honor the animal could cover both bases and do for bachelors.

I do, however, take exception to his stating that George Washington was presented with a pair of jackasses by King Charles III in 1785. Charles of what country?

Nancy Torres, San Francisco.

Dear Nancy: ``Hordes`` did not write. One lone editor in Northhampton, Mass., called to question the name, but the item had already gone to press. The writer undoubtedly meant Charles III of Spain.

Dear Abby: I read with a great deal of amusement the letter from ``Bill Wadley, Kimberling City, Mo.`` wherein he referred to bachelors as ``two-legged jackasses.`` He also asked, ``What do bachelors do besides avoid marriage and responsibility?`` May I tell him?

For one thing, they bear more than their fair share of the tax burden. Although bachelors have no children, they`re heavily taxed to educate the children of married men. And their tax dollars go to support families who are on welfare.

Tell Mr. Wadley if I ever want to meet a genuine two-legged jackass, I`ll head for Missouri.

Proud Bachelor.

Dear Bachelor: And let`s not forget that bachelorhood has its privileges. In time of war, they get to go first.

Dear Abby: I am interested in helping neglected and abused children located in a home near Las Vegas. They have a project that helps them earn a little pocket money. It`s recycling used Christmas cards.

Can you alert your readers to send the fronts of attractive religious cards to St. Jude`s Ranch for Children, P.O. Box 985, Boulder City, Nev. 89005-0985?

For additional information about this home, they can write to the Rev. Herbert A. Ward Jr., SSC.

Thank you for any help you can give us.

Ed McMahon.

Dear Ed: Get ready! Many of my readers have asked me what to do with their old Christmas cards. Some are too beautiful to throw away, and they have no place to store them. Now I know. Readers, please note: Ed is asking for religious cards only. (No Santas, please.) And if you want to be a dear, include a buck. I`m sure the kids could use it.