Caye Caulker, Belize, its just like any Midwestern town, with palm trees and Spanish accents.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Chastisement

Cousin Alvi was out on Caye Caulker the other day complaining that I hadn’t updated my blog in so long he thought I was still in the U.S. When he rode by on the golf cart he thought he saw a ghost. He also chastised me for watering it down, as you all know I’ve let up on the hard copy gossip because Bigness was getting phone calls and complaints from people with no sense of humor at all. I take certain creative liberties in my stories, some of my characters are composites. This is my opinion and you can choose to agree or disagree with me, no one forces you to read this blog. Most of the people reading this blog do so for entertainment purposes only and do not take it as a CNN broadcast of current events on Caye Caulker. If you have close ties to Caye Caulker you may or may not be able to tell who I am writing about, and if you think I’m writing about you, then stop your bad behavior and I’ll stop writing about it.

More Fan MailBigness wondered why Cousin Rage would turn his face away from him when he passed on the beach and thought that he’s becoming a “Sometimes Crazy” person as opposed to being a “My Friend Sometimes” person.

I hadn’t told him about the email I had received until then, because (Life is short) and I didn’t want to get his panties in a twist over something so juvenile and jr. high school behavior is not on my list of things to do these days.

But since he brought it up… what a perfect time to bring things to light and as we all know, timing is everything.

Cousin Rage informs me via email that he wants me to stop blogging about him, that I have my facts wrong and no one in the ENTIRE Alamina family likes me. And that he speaks for everyone and that not a one of them thinks I’m fit to carry the name.

Bigness laughed and laughed at this. (Now is the time for my daughters to close their eyes and ignore the next sentence) Then gave me a big smack on my behind for being a very very very naughty girl and we danced naked around the room to tango music. (O.K. daughters you can open your eyes now)

I didn’t reply to the email as I didn’t want to dignify the ranting with an answer. I also know the golden rule of the internet… “Don’t put anything into an email that you don’t want one million people to read” So, stop giving me your bad behavior to write about and I’ll stop writing about it.

Bad Mindedness:Typical bad mindedness comes from jealousness of other’s accomplishments. Cousin Rage likes to complain to the village council about other people's tables on the beach saying they are infringing on Queensland, but neglects to let them know that he built his building 15 feet into Queensland, stealing beach intentionally. Should I tell them? Naw, its none of my business and my rule of thumb is don’t bother me with your sillyness and I won’t bother you. I try to not pay him any mind at all, after all there are starving American Tourists in Belize dying for a good cup of coffee and I am the only one who can save them.

Revisionist History:What Cousin Rage fails to recognize is that any stories that I’m telling that happened prior to 2000, I’m just repeating like a parrot as it came straight from Bigness’s mouth to my ear. He’s objecting to revisionist history. But of course he would never dare to approach Bigness to his face as he’s a coward.

BTW, Cousin Rage, since I know you stalk me and read my blog (obviously), I’ve done a family poll and with the exception of one person who doesn’t even live in Belize, everyone else is on my side. So there.

I can honestly say that you have not polled me or any of my family members as to whether we like you, I am Tina Alamina Auxillou and I am cousin to ousin Rage. And in defense, he is right, as far as I know, none of us like you, not even Bigness children, I am your neighbor, have we ever said two words to each other? It is obvious you are in the relationship for personal gain (free shop space) and or Bigness "long schlong" which is legendary with the Alamina boys, hence the name you gave him. If you feel like its free game to write about Cousin Rage in a negative light on your blog, then expect me to write the same about you on my blog. There's not anything nice I can think of to say about you. I have a feeling, this comment won't be published.

Well that's ironic Tina because I have always made an attempt to be friendly with you, it is you who looks the other way and pretends that I don't exist, and always have ever since I came here, even before I met Bigness. I’m not a part of the party crowd. I have to get up and go to work in the morning. I don’t dislike you, we just have nothing in common. I have always had the utmost respect for you, and I recommend you all the time, both on the internet and in person. Your family has been involved in tourism since the beginning. Let's just get it out in the open, for hundreds of visitors to read... if you're not born here, you're not from here, and there's nothing a foreigner like myself can do to fit in. People from Caye Caulker are like that, its fine for foreigner's to stay and upgrade the island, but don't ever expect for the locals to learn to accept you, for real. The motto here should be "fix for me but don't tell me what to do." Cousin Rage is rude and does rude things and if you were his next door neighbor you would feel the brunt of it too, but you are a little way down the beach. I will never be “one of the family” I accept the fact that I will always be an outsider with different ways. Blood is thicker than water and Belizeans will always defend against the outsider which they see as a predator. His children not liking me? Children never like the stepmother, she’s an intrusion, she’s taking their father away from them. In a perfect world there would be no stepparents, but the world isn’t perfect is it? They have to share him with an outsider. As far as "Bigness's" name it came from the fact that he is 6 foot 5 inches tall, has a size 14 foot and is 285 lbs, and has nothing to do with the size of his schlong which you seem to know so much about. Write whatever you want about me on your blog, because you don't even know who I am. And at the end of the day I have to be happy within myself and so do you. Free shop space? Lordy, you really don't know the reality of all that I pay... and you never will.

I am an attorney from California that comes to Caye Caulker frequently. I have met both you and Lee. I find that Lee is a good example of others coming to a place and investing outside money to better a place. It seems to me that you have your panties in a bumch about Lee, but do you even earn a living or is it handed to you on a silver platter. When I met Lee she was working in her Cafe serving me and my husband coffee, earning her all mighty dollar herself, not getting a hand out.I was shocked to find out that the major artist in the store was Lee and all the jewelry was also made by Lee. As far as Bigness her husband that is funny that your mind even goes there about your family. I knew he was a tall guy hence the name Bigness. An educated guess could have led to that conclusion. Moral of the story Tina, Fight your own battles, and stop trying to tear down others because you are unhappy about your own life.Normally I wouldn't say anything but something needed to be said. Hundreds of people read her blog as I, and come to Caye Caulker because of her.

Great for you Mr. Attorney. Yes, I am hard-working and have been self-employed for over 15 years. I created and started my own hotel when I was just 29 years old and it is highly successful today. Nothing was handed to me, I started from scratch. In fact, many in the Alamina are entrepreneurs, and all my sisters (4 of us total) each own our own hotel plus additional business. I've worked hard. I do not bash Lee's hard work, I bash the fact that she has made little to no attempt to be friendly to any of the Alamina families and instead wishes to promote ill feelings towards some of us even when she was asked to tone it down. She chose to make fun of that too. One of bigness' son's who lives in Canada was here recently and she was not welcoming to him & his girlfriend to stay in a house which my grandparents first built and where that kid grew up, yet her own children can come and stay there for years. She lied about polling the family & I just called her out.I'm over it, you get over it now. I will stand up for any of my family members if I feel that they are being treated unfairly. If Bigness and his nephew have a problem, I suggest Lee stay the hell out of it or suffer the consequences.

And on another more positive note, some good might come out of all this negativity. Lee actually said good morning to me today for the first time in years, I did respond in kind. My mother reported Lee also made an effort to be polite to her today too. Times could be a changing & harmony could be in the future for Lee & the Alamina clan.

Caye Caulker fanatic reply is exactly where this is going. More replies from people will follow tearing other people down as she put it. What is the point. We are adults and bigger than that. The solution is to have lee write about other things and leave the Alaminas alone. Nobody has to know who is mad at who. This is so stupid. I hope this will be my one and only reply on this blog. Grant us the request. Why do you carry on? It is a simple request. All I requested was for you to keep me and my family off your blog, is that so hard for you? If you have a problem with me or think I am rude come to my face and stop writing about me on the internet. And you call me a coward. My Uncle,bigness, has changed since he met you and yes I don't care to have anything to do with him. You can not lable me "Sometimes Crazy" and then put it on the net because of that. Why should it bother him or you if I pass him like a stranger on the streets. It is my business. I respected you until the day you treated my cousin Ivan, who is like a brother to me, with disrespect. One day you were sitting alone in my establishment so I went and sat down with you to chat.We were speaking to each other then as people do. Ivan had just come from Canada to visit. He came looking for me and saw me sitting with you and came over. He was nice to you and said "Hi, I am Ivan, Bigness' son". Your disrespectful reply was "I know who you are!" in a mean way. Like, "why are you here? Go back to Canada" There was no, "Hi, nice to finally meet you. I heard so much about you. Welcome home."Even if you were lying it would have been better. He is bigness son. Instead your reply was so negative just like everything else you write about our family. We tried being nice anyway but we left because the situation was too tense. Ivan asked "What is her problem?" Great first impression. Now you know why we don't like you. I never knew your blog existed until they told me you were writing about me and my family and I have a right to know what is being said. I guess that is stalking. Who is stalkins who? The only time I read your blog is when they tell me you are writing about me. I dont ave time to read your about you. I will leave it up to your readers to wonder why you can't grant me my request and stop writing about us. I hope my family post replies and do a poll on your blog to see if they like you or not.Please stop fooling yourself. Funny thing, I still recommend your coffee to tourist and I don't even like you. Caye Caulker Fanatic, You do not know anybody till you really get to know them and even then you do not know them. I had to reply. This is bullshit.

Let it roll folks. Probably many of you have wondered why I have let this topic be hijacked in such a way. Scandalous. I would like to take the time to thank several of you who have sent me very nice emails these past few days. TYTYTY ... and share a little excerpt from one of them... a friend who has property here and knows how Caye Caulker people go...------------------"LOL...actually LMAO ROTF...I read it this morning. I have to tell ya...it is just plain funny. I love how you write. I needed a good laugh ... for true.

Do I need to send you a flak jacket ...aka body armor ? A real Big Gun ? cross bow or other neat destructive device ? or maybe just a plain old baseball bat ? I guess a rocket launcher would be a little over the top huh.... "--------------------------------

I would like everyone reading this blog to understand the "rules" regarding living on Caye Caulker, or in any small place where everyone is related to everyone - except you.

When was the last time you heard this said to you face... "NOBODY LIKES YOU!" Probably it was in 8th grade, or here in Belize, standard six. After that you probably grew out of it and found better ways to spend your time, not so here on Caye Caulker.

Try to remember these 5 easy rules if you are considering living here... 1. Never ever talk about someone stealing beach or queensland, its a VERY touchy subject, especially to those who have built on it. Its only o.k. for them to complain about you, its never o.k. to complain about them.2. Do not ever discuss feuding family - sisters - brothers living side by side.3. Do not discuss grown adults cursing out their ageable mothers.4. Do not ever think anyone will defend you, because even if they KNOW DOWN IN THEIR HEART THEY ARE WRONG, you are an outsider, and therefore a preditor... that is unless they want a visa to visit the U.S. then you are their best friend.5. NEVER EVER EVER EVER discuss drunkard expoitive relatives that come to visit. NEVER EVER.

Its like my guide to dating, follow these 5 easy rules for living on Caye Caulker and live happy.

So, as much as I would not like to do it, I will begin moderating all comments. Please feel free to comment and aafter they are reviewed, I'll post them.

SO LET IT ROLL!And in the words of Bigness "Gial, I don't have time to study those people."

So keep your sunglasses on, a smile on your face and no one will be able to tell what you're really thinking.

We would sure appreciate you not posting negative stuff about the Alamina family...just remember, if you don't have enough soldiers, please don't attack us and write negative stuff about us. Everyone is living their own lives. Kindly watch your tail before posting stuff about us.

Therein lies the problem, YOU don't mind YOUR business, the only one who actually minds his own business is your (choose one from the list - father - cousin - uncle - brother) Bigness. I don't know what I've said that you all have taken offence to or think that I am attacking you with. I am merely stating my opionions. And that is exactly what they are MY opinions. You are entitled to yours. If you think I'm a fat, overbearing, nosey gringa, then that that is YOUR opinion. Obviously your (choose one from the list - father - cousin - uncle - brother) Bigness likes it that way, because he's been drinking the juice long enough. Going for 4 years now. I've noticed that none of you refutes what I'm talking about, you all just don't want me TALKING about it.

I'm glad I posted this. It proves how fake and viscious you all are. I thought I married into a nice island family. You have certainly proved me wrong.

So keep on talking amongst yourselves.I DON'T CAREKeep posting here.I DON'T CAREOpen a blog and title it www.i-hate-lee-alamina.blogspot.comI DON'T CARE

Lee, not everyone in the Alamina family thinks bad about you. We know that since you and Spin have gotten together he has changed into a better person and stopped drink. Tina I would suggest to you that you witdraw your comments because everyone in the family knows you are using crack. Ivan everyone knows you as a drunkard with bad taste in women. Rage, you are just a spoiled brat who thinks he owns all. Leave Lee alone. Nuff said.

Lee, I wouldn't worry about anything derogatory that Tina says about you. She's well known in Belize as one of the "Sour Grapes Girls." dubbed with the dubious distinction many years ago, and things haven't changed a bit.

About Me

I was a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown before I retired at the age of 40 and moved to Belize (12 years ago). I live 20 miles offshore on a teensy weensy tiny island called Caye Caulker, where I have an art gallery featuring my art, silk scarves, jewelery and local Belizean artists. Now, I'm a woman living in the moment accepting all the gifts that the universe has to offer.