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I’ve decided to revisit this blogging outlet to put my joys and frustrations down while I am held captive to a rocking chair.

I have 2 beautiful little girls. My oldest is 21 months old (Yes I’m that person, but I promise to stop once she’s 2). My youngest is 8 weeks old. And yes, my second child was planned. I get that question a lot. I was breastfeeding and no I didn’t think that was birth control. In fact, I was hoping I’d still be able to get pregnant. And I did! It took one try so I am apparently very fertile.

This past pregnancy and birth was a completely different experience than the first. A lot of people told me that would be the case. However, that doesn’t actually prepare you for the journey you’re about to embark on. My first daughter was pretty tough. From the time she was born she was attached to me. Nursing was difficult and sleeping was a challenge. She couldn’t be put down! But, of course I don’t remember the actual way I felt while all of that was going on.

So now with my second daughter she is in the middle I’d say. She’s pretty attached to me but for the most part is pretty content alone. We have our good and bad days with sleeping. She’s in her crib for naps and bedtime for the most part. She has ended up sleeping next to me the past few nights which is why I am exhausted and feeling frustrated today! It feels like she’s given me more sleepless nights but my husband tells me that’s not true.

It’s amazing what you forget in just 19 months. I get challenged emotionally pretty often with my second. I can’t nap when she naps because I have a toddler that I miss. My husband doesn’t help at night because he goes to work every day and although he offers I begrudgingly turn him down. I love my role and I wouldn’t change it for the world but the past 2 months have taken an emotional toll.

I am exhausted. I read a lot, and whoever writes about the developments of babies needs to stop. I realize not every baby/child is alike. I know through friends with children and of course being able to compare my children. But still, reading that your 8 week old should sleep 5-6 hours at once at night makes me bitter and frustrated. Why isn’t my baby doing that? Probably because she’s a baby and there’s no telling a baby what they’re expected to do. But still, with google and all these blogs we have access to it’s hard not to read them and wonder why your experiences are so different.

My biggest challenge has been letting all of that go. Even with my own knowledge of what my first was like. They’re not going to be the same. In fact, they’re already proving to be very different. The sleepless nights aren’t forever and the crying isn’t forever. It all fades and then you blink and you have a toddler who loves princesses and minions and sings and dances. And the memory of her being a baby is only relived through pictures rather than my memories.

Being a mom is both the most challenging and most rewarding thing I have ever done. From labor to dealing with a toddler, there have been a lot of beautiful moments and a lot of crazy moments and I know there’s a lot more to come. This is a crazy journey and I’m trying to get better at documenting it.

While my weight loss has gone great with diet and working out I am seeing a number in my head this isn’t on the scale yet. So, welcome to juicing.

Today is my first day of my 48 hour juicing cleanse. I plan on juicing twice a week until the BIG DAY. I have been up since 7:30, I had my first juice at 8:00. It is only 10:30 and I am starved! Not terribly, I know I will survive.

My fiance doesn’t understand this juicing thing. Obviously, I did not ask him to do this with me. Luckily he works over night tonight on my day 1 so I don’t have to cook him dinner. No temptation there. I am already on the no junk diet so nothing tempting is in the house. I already cleared out all the fruit (i eat a pound of fruit a day! not really, thats an exaggeration). I have no protein bars left….just frozen veggies and all my juicing stuff!

I am curious to see if there will be any results. You are basically starving yourself but they tell you that you get all the nutrients you need in this juice. I wouldn’t recommend living on an all juice diet. Especially if you’re a meat eater. But, alas I decided on a 2 day cleanse.

I should have blogged at the end of my day rather than the middle. But, for me I am hungriest around this time of day. I could skip dinner and not feel hungry. So, day 1 during my hungriest time of the day I am surviving with no solid food. I really don’t feel that hungry yet. I do, however, realize tomorrow will be a different story.

My Mexico wedding is now 70 days away. That means I have 30 days to get to my goal weight.

Only 30 because my first dress fitting is exactly 1 month away. I have to basically be my goal weight so that my dress actually fits at the final fitting.

Since the winter I have officially lost 12 lbs. I am at the point where I have to work really hard to lose any more weight. But, I will get to my goal.

My diet has changed quite a bit. I am the worst snacker. Working from home causes boredom and boredom causes snacking. I forced myself not to keep any snacks in the house! Poof, snacks be gone gut be gone.

My workout schedule is at least 5 days week. I have been doing insanity for almost 40 days now. My fiance says he notices the changes but I have not noticed them as much.

The workouts are truly insane. I haven’t pushed myself this hard in a workout since I was a gymnast. It feels really good to be challenged and exhausted again. I sweat off probably 3 pounds a workout (exaggeration). After I work my ass off I am starving, so I eat…unfortunately I also eat prior to the workout to give me energy. THIS might be why I am stagnate at my current weight.

This month I officially cut out carbs. I just did that, we were going to start that in August but I wasn’t sure why we would wait to do that…so I made the ruling to start! Yes, I know that most people understand that cutting out carbs can be dangerous. You lose all the weight and then 3 months later eat a carb and I am fat again. But really, I just need to be flawless in my gown. I plan on keeping up my workout schedule after the wedding but really, I like to eat some bad stuff occasionally and I think that’s ok.

Today I did probably too much. I did an Insanity workout, but then the computer froze mid way through so I decided to finish up w running 4 miles. My body was pretty defeated. So no I am exhausted sitting at my desk just wishing it was 5 so I could make some kind of delish dinner.

Anyways, my journey to being fit is a hard one yet fun. I didn’t realize how much I missed pushing my body to it’s limits. Who knows, maybe some day I can be a trainer. You never know!

They are strange to me. We get older every year and we celebrate that. Which is great. I mean, it’s more like you celebrate your birth. But in some morbid way it’s almost like we celebrate making it for another year. Which again, there is nothing wrong with. It just seems sad. Although, I am grateful to make it another year.

This year has been an amazing year. I married my best friend and love of my life.

The year of 25 brings me a beautiful intimate wedding in Mexico with all of our closest family and friends. Less than 4 months until I get to get all bride beautiful!

Aging is a funny thing. No one wants to get older but years bring great things. 25 brings my marriage. 26 will hopefully bring children. After that I get to watch my children grow and what could be more amazing than that? I don’t like saying I am closer to 30 than I am 20 but it just means I am at a place in life where I am happy and growing. you can’t beat that!

I miss being 18 sometimes, especially in summer. But at 18 I wasn’t madly in love. I wasn’t starting a family. I wasn’t who I am today. So at 25 I am grateful to be aging (gracefully).

The down side…I have to workout 4 times a week to remain my weight!!! And I still don’t have that 18 year old body of mine! Ah well, that’s probably the only downside to being an old woman!