Before this descends into the usual Dane Cook-bashing, I feel compelled to say that I do have some sympathy for the guy. Joke-stealing aside, he had a few okay bits, and if you’ve seen a lot of comedy, all things considered, you’d probably call him above-average. Then he got famous way too fast and it showed, and everyone hated him for it, and I’m not sure it was entirely his fault. He was more overexposed than terrible. (There are worse – have you ever seen Ant?)

Anyway, he stopped by the Laugh Factory for a drop in last night, and apparently it got ugly.

There were some, like Daniel Kinno, who found themselves bumped so that Cook could take the stage for as long as he wanted while he worked out new material, a raw process of discovery that Kinno describes thusly: “Watched him spiral for 45 minutes before I left. Could have been worse, he could have done his act.” YouTube starJenna Marbles was slightly less charitable or pithy, saying, “Dane Cook took a sh*t on everyone. Might as well have been literally.” And stand-up comic and Late Night With Jimmy Fallon writer Ali Waller provided a more specific appraisal, saying, “Glad Dane Cook stopped by the Improv tonight, otherwise I’d never hear the story about how he ‘chainsaw-f*cked’ a ‘disgusting whore’s c*nt.’” [via AVClub]

To be fair, “chainsaw-f*cked a disgusting whore’s c*nt” is decent wordplay. And if he’d actually sh*t on everyone literally, he’d be hailed as an Andy Kaufman-level subversive genius. WHAT, BRO? THIS IS ALT COMEDY!

But no one offered a more detailed—or more scathing—review than comedian and actor T.J. Miller, who spent last night and much of this morning unspooling his assessment not only of Cook’s set, but his entire career and current state of mind. Here it is, in chronological order:

“F*cking Dane Cook is eating [shit] at the laugh factory. He bumped [Bob Olson] and is being just mean… The hubris of this man unfortunately led to his fall, but I’m afraid he is a damaged man & well, that’s about it. He [is] certainly not a comedian… Watching him try and work through his own sh*t on stage when he is saying, ‘Go f*ck a dirty whore. That’s the best therapy.’ #lord… Dane. You’ve been doing standup for so many years and you still believe it’s okay to bomb and talk about your issues? You. Didn’t. Earn This…

I remember hearing [about] someone named ‘Dane Cook’ in college on Napster. I heard Harmful If Swallowed after college… Then there was a backlash (there always is, it’s inevitable), but it grew. It was more than I could believe, and it was due in part to him… I liked him. His snake bit, a lot of sort of absurdist stuff. Suddenly he was on SNL, he was the ‘king’ of MySpace, [and] he was famous. Good Luck Chuck and Vicious Circle sealed his fate in contemporary culture.

And then last night, he got on stage and was vicious, misogynistic, cruel, and arrogant. He talked about not paying for an abortion. He talked about finding some whore to f*ck to take out his anger at his ex-girlfriend. He talked about how girls would do anything for him ‘because I’m me.’ He got mad when people were texting. ‘Dane Cook is onstage,’ he said. ‘Have some f*cking respect.’

Here’s an idea, Dane: have some f*cking respect for the audience that gave you the chance to be what you dreamed of being, and don’t be mad at them because you f*cked it all up from hubris and thirst for fame. Don’t disrespect the people that gave you a chance. Don’t do an hour of mean-spirited trash. And Dane Cook, certainly don’t ask anyone to feel sorry for you. If you are the person you were onstage last night then you are not a good person. And the way you talk about women is disgusting and pathetic, but really just hurtful. So Good Luck Chuck. [You] need all the luck in the world to realize you need to go to therapy & figure out how to not be a hateful person. Stop performing until [you] do so.” [all via AVClub]

Ouch. Every comedian bombs and every comedian is allowed to on occasion, especially during a drop-in, when the whole point is to work out new material, but the fact that three or four separate comics thought he bombed badly enough to warrant writing about means it must’ve been reeeeally bad. These are people that probably see comics eating it almost every night. But then, 45 minutes is a really long time to stay onstage when you’re sucking. Anyway, it looks like we can stop treating Dane Cook like the self-aware guy from that one episode of Louis and go back to treating him like the douchebag who thought he looked super cool in this banner pic.

Unless this was all just viral marketing for the f*cksaw, in which case, awesome!

—

MINI-UPDATE: Comedy is like a knitting circle, so naturally all my comic friends have heard about this and have opinions. I thought this was an interesting take from one (anonymous, because, again, knitting circle, but not me, and probably not someone you’d know):

In all honesty, as someone who’s seen Dane Cook f*cking kill 25,000 people at the Staples center, TJ Miller isn’t on the same planet as Dane Cook. Some people are just stars. He might not have the best jokes and he might be kind of a douche but he can make people fall in love with him. Also worth noting, and this cannot be overstated, Dane Cook MADE the Laugh Factory. If he wants to go up there and take a sh*t, he’s more than earned it.

The only way I can imagine losing an erection faster than between that headline and finding out it wasn’t an actual bomb, would be if the headline was alison brie naked and the story contained an autopsy photo

I heard a note about Cook’s episode of Louis during the recent media storm surrounding Louis CK’s most recent special. Apparently, Louis wrote the entire bit word for word and then approached Cook about doing the segment. Cook wanted to change a few things about it (I can’t recall what) and Louis told him that he either does it the way it’s written or Louis will hire an actor. Really we should be praising Louis CK over fucking with our emotions like he does every week.

My feelings are complicated on Dane Cook, I’ve seen him live before at the LF, and he wasn’t horrible, but I’ve always preferred to listen to his CD’s than see him live. Every comedian bombs also, it’s just the name of the game, I’ve bombed before a couple times, and it fucks with your head. Yeah he’s a douche, but we’re the ones who made him famous that quickly, so maybe we’re partially to blame.

Torn, as if between two lovers. The first time I ever even heard of Dane Cook was when he was in the lineup one night at the Laugh Factory (waaay before fame & backlash), and he was great. The joke-stealing accusations seem overblown, and the way CK tells it, Cook was incredibly cooperative about being on the show–CK took one of his suggestions, but only after somebody else confirmed that it was a great idea.

On the other hand, Cook and Chappelle used to compete over how long they could stay on stage at the Laugh Factory (we’re talking about multiple hours) and that seems like a season in hell.

Ant yelled at me in a netcast for NBC once (I only watched it because someone told me he yelled at me)…..

I think it was because I offered him the friendly and badly needed criticism that on Celebrity Fit Club, just because the cameras not ON him doesn’t mean the camera isn’t picking him up, so he might want to try and look less like he’s desperately trying to not shit in his pants while in the background.

And Dane Cook sucks. He wasn’t TOO awful early on, his story telling was ok, but repetitive use of the formula: all energy + pointless story – punchline = awful comedy. That said, I don’t actually mind him too bad as an actor.

Man one comic saying another comic is TOO miserable for the stage… that must be some miserable shit. I’ve seen this though, Eddie Money New York State Fair, 2007. We knew it was insane when he brought out his daughter as a backup singer for “Take me Home Tonight,” and repeatedly shouted, “Stop trying to eye-fuck my daughter, Syracuse!” The difference: Eddie Money’s voice is still Golden after all these years. Now that, Dane, is a performer.

Look at them fuckin’ eyebrows! You can tell that tah’Qeq, Cook, is a Rommie! The only thing Dane can COOK is “Failaroni and Cheese” for women that like Oprah/Ellen, have stinky Vagisil cunts, and generally are sympathetic to Cardassian political interests in the Gamma Quadrant.

Dane Cooks not funny at all. He’s pure personality/energy, which isn’t anything to scoff at I guess. If you can make thousands of dumb frat bros fall in love with you by shouting stuff, that’s definitely a talent and probably not something to be dismissed.

But I’ve actually heard most of his bits and can’t recall any off hand that are funny. He’s basically all delivery and no content.

I love tj miller his sense of humor is pretty great but fuck the YouTube girl she is exually as big of a cunt as Dane is proported to be. I’m sure his set was awful and it actually sounds like he’s going in an awesome direction, abortions and chainsawing vaginas are amazing

Vince, could you get your anonymous knitting circle buddy to tell us all more about how Dane Cook MADE The Laugh Factory, a club that opened when he was 7 years old. I’m just curious how you can MAKE a club that had already been open and successful for 20 years before you ever set foot on stage in it. Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Rodney Dangerfield, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld (and the list goes on and on) all regularly played The Laugh Factory before Dane Cook could even find it on a map.

Though at this point, bashing Dane Cook is the equivalent of the old “christmas cake, amirite?” bit. It’s too easy, and as much of a dead horse as saying something is a better love story than Twilight, hating Justin Bieber, and Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse. It hasn’t been a new insight for a while, and someone better has probably said it wittier than you.

my friend’s sister makes $72/hour on the computer. She has been without work for 9 months but last month her pay was $8180 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read more on this site… LazyCash10.com

I saw Stanhope at the Improv here in Tempe a few years ago and his abortion material did NOT go over well. For me, it wasn’t just that it was offensive (because honestly, what do you expect if you’re at a comedy club?) but it just wasn’t funny. He just came off as damaged and bitter and in need of therapy. Yes, I realize that’s usually where the funny is, but it just wasn’t in this case. I just felt kinda sad for him. Total downer. Sounds like what they’re saying about Dane, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was along the same lines.

Saying Dane Cook “made the laugh factory” is quite the statement. He absolutely did not. I wonder what else he did though. Being bad / offensive on stage is definitely not something comedians shit on each other over. It’s telling other comedians hate him so much they’re willing to jeopardize their own rep by shitting on him.

I love TJ and don’t have much nice to say about Dane, but trying to pick a beef with a famous comedian because you sense he is weak is a pretty cheap move. Comedians bomb, comedians cross the line, if Dane is trying a different approach and it failed miserably then that was its own reward. It is hard to take Dane’s side in anything, but TJ’s rant was uncalled for.

I saw Cook at the local funny shop on his way up the famous ladder and he told some stories, then he played a CD of one of his other shows, saying “Here comes the funny part.” I realize comedy is completely subjective to each individual, but I can see why this guy is hated.

I have never thought of Dane Cook as a funny comedian. I have never actually thought of him as a comedian. There is nothing likeable about a Dane Cook joke, because most often they are short and the punch line is almost inevitably obvious and predictable. His jokes are shallow, and lack much depth. He has no real angle in comedy as he tries to make jokes out of anything instead of finding a niche.
Everything i’ve ever heard from him has been underdeveloped. He even kills the punch line to his own jokes….not knowing when to stop.

In response to the “MINI UPDATE”: Dane Cook MADE the Laugh Factory? I thought it was Jamie Masada and that he started in 1979 with Richard Pryor as his first performer. In 1979 Cook was 7 years old and his material still sounds like it was written by a 7 year old.

Also, Jim Jones may not have been the best religious leader but he made people love him and he killed them in Guyana so I guess we should lay off any criticism of him, too.