The state police in Massachusetts are scolding the people of that state for getting their priorities wrong. Lots of people took and posted pictures of two teens riding on the back of a tractor-trailer outside of Boston. What they failed to do was use the phones that we presume they took those photos with and actually call the police. [More]

If the Taco Bell taco-licker wasn’t enough to put you off fast food for a while, now comes a photo posted by a Subway employee of a man touching a loaf of dough with his penis. But not to worry because the employee says this was done in the privacy of his own home. [More]

Looks like Domino’s isn’t the only chain that employs morons who make a public record of their jackassery in the kitchen. Two employees at a Pizza Hut in Pflugerville, TX, find themselves out of work because they not only took lewd photos of themselves messing around at work, but also posted them on MySpace. [More]

Dave can’t get Bank of America to accept that his parents are gone, even after sending over the death certificates. He keeps telling the bank to take the house, because nobody in his family wants it and the mortgage is underwater. Bank of America keeps threatening his parents with letters about how behind they are on payments. Oh sure, everything about this story is funny on the surface, but not when Bank of America tries to extract money from a closed account you once shared with your dad, forcing it to re-open and siphon funds from your real accounts. [More]

You can’t expect every person to be up to date on the latest news cycle, especially not on a global scale. But there’s a Virgin Atlantic Airlines CSR who not only somehow missed that Pakistan just suffered its worst flooding in 80 years, but who kept insisting the Elisa, a customer trying to make her way back home to NYC, prove that the flooding happened. Elisa says the CSR “insisted that there were no indications in her notes that a flood had happened in Pakistan,” and that Elisa would have to prove the news or pay $933 for a “service change fee” to get back home. [More]

That headline may have ruined your plans for the remainder of the weekend, but it’s for your own good. Seven college-age men were caught doing just that on Saturday at a Panama City Beach, Florida Kmart store. Police intervened, but the store did not prosecute. [More]

On a flight yesterday, minor celebrity Kim Kardashian figured out that the guy next to her was the air marshal, at which point she excitedly announced it to her followers on Twitter. “Jim the air marshall makes me feel safe!” she tweeted. But it’s okay, she understands how security protocols are supposed to work; after some of her followers complained about what she’d done, she responded, “[I] highly doubt anyone is twittering like me on this flight! shhh.” [More]

It’s easy to pick on the people who end up on PeopleOfWalmart.com, but… yeah, it’s just easy. Especially when they trap their babies under a mountain of crap. Parents, I wish I could recall you. [More]

Don’t hit on the interviewer. Don’t ask whether they might be able to discover your past arrests. Don’t ask what the company does, or see if they can pick you up when it rains. In fact, here are 43 things you shouldn’t say during an interview if you actually want the job.

A 20-year-old in Aloha, Oregon, called 911 on Memorial Day to complain that he wasn’t given the orange juice he ordered. While he was on the phone describing this emergency, a McDonald’s employee also called 911 to complain that the 20-year-old was blocking the drive-thru. And somewhere in the city, a kitten died in a tree fire because the emergency lines were all tied up. UPDATE: We’ve located the audio of both calls.

Virginia Hammerness, the 75-year-old heiress to A.P. Giannini’s family fortune and a significant stockholder in Bank of America, the bank her grandfather founded in San Francisco in 1904, has harsh words for the people in charge.

Police have arrested Anton Dunn, a 42-year-old New Yorker who uploaded videos to YouTube and other sites in which he wears a black mask and calls himself “Trashman.” In the videos, Mr. Trashman announces that he’s managed to poison “millions of bottles of baby food” with cyanide. Gerber, the company he names in his threats, says it’s found no evidence that any food has been tampered with.

One of the blogs I’ve been following recently after my experience at the Apple ‘Genius’ bar with a smug doofus who told me I’d have to return my $2,000 laptop because he couldn’t figure out how to turn a screwdriver counterclockwise is ungenius, the chronicles of an ex-Genius detailing life behind the Bar. I haven’t linked it before now because it’s never really as incriminating as I’d like.