Friday, 28 February 2014

Father food is soul food, nourishment at a deep deep level.
If we are lucky then our fathers can give such a special gift to our lives.

We as Fathers can help to nurture us into whole, well rounded, fully living human beings and no matter what the popular press and media state as truth. Dads really do matter.
Unfortunately because the dads of the 1950's were pretty absent in terms of availability and capability: the generations that have followed have compounded the problem and now our lives are poisoned by the toxicity of immaturity.
I cannot speak for the women of the world save that young girls need mature fathers to aid their growth in the world.
When a child has a mature loving Father alongside a mature loving Mother, he or she will have a working example of how men and women can be.
The daughters will know the qualities to look for in a man and follow the examples of her Mother and be able to form true relationships in life.
The sons will not only see how it is to be a mature man but also receive something truly special......Father Food.
There is almost a process of osmosis when men and boys work and play or are in the company of each other. Securely knowing that the older man loves, cherishes and respects the boy allows the boy to honestly be who he is. Without the criticism, shaming and violent reactions from a wounded immature man, the boy will flourish.
As it is impossible to verbalise what we receive from a mature Mother from conception, it is equally impossible to to express that which we receive from a mature Father.

This is an aspect for me still to work on in my own development. My life has been governed by the actions of my birth mother and her giving me up for adoption and I feel at peace with my resolution around this. However I have no knowledge of who my Father is. All the information on the adoption paperwork is untrue. My Mother lied.
I have spent my life trying to find her and no time at all in considering who he is. I may never know but I know I will need to address the loss fully to move on.

The challenge moving forward is .....How do we as a Society facilitate the true maturing of our men and women.
Is this to be a silent revolution or does it need to be loudly acclaimed as a long term Goal?

I have been re-reading IRON JOHN by Robert Bly; refreshing my feelings about fathers, men, boys and then leading to the female side of my world.
Being trapped in my own past experiences has shaped my life to date. I was unaware of the fact that my experience of parenting via my adoptive parents and my rejection by my birth mother had left me sad, silent, full of rage.
This lack of awareness skewed my choice of wife and although taking 25 years to reach this awareness brought about an end to the marriage almost as if I had set it up on purpose. My anger and resentment towards my wife at the time was a silent third person in the marriage. I had to face the truth and end the relationship. I have acknowledged my role in the marriage to myself and have moved on. I cannot speak of her role as I don't know its truth.
My current relationship has been sorely tested by both of us challenging the projections and needs of the other. It is only since my Adventure weekend (MKP) that I have been able to truly stand in my own space and own my own actions and responses.
It is only now that I realise that as genders we need different things from our relationships with others.

With men; I do need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated for being who I am ; a man, I want to drink from the well of masculinity and feed from the soul of the male energy. To be the man I was born to be. I want to be called to account if I am dishonest, disingenuous, lacking in integrity and uncommitted. I want other men to ask? WHO ARE YOU?

With women; I do not want mother. I want to love and be loved and I want a partner in the true sense of the word. I want to know the female world from my partners side. I also want my partner and female friends to ask? WHO ARE YOU?

Only in loosing Mother and truly grieving for that loss and acknowledging that the world of men is different, can a man become his true self.
It may be that Mother is still alive and the challenge then is in breaking free from the family role that mum and dad put us in and at the time suited us to be in.
Going down into the dark side of ourselves and being able to acknowledge and accept our darkness is the way forward.
Meet it, eat it, wear it and then let it go.
Move froward as the man we can be.

My passion for mens work is on record and I wish I could become more involved in the process and yet at this moment my aspirations are stalled. I want to be part of a trans-formative movement which not only puts out intention but also action.
I love my connection with The Gathering of Men, a mens group in the Heanor area, and I want more.

We seem to be 'living' in a world which is 'ruled' by men but who seem unable to grasp their own true masculinity. They hide behind false walls and glass ceilings. They are weak, fearful and dishonest. They appear like slippery snakes and wisps of smoke; empty of strength and integrity.

Never has the world be more in need of the true man and equally the true woman. This partnership is beautiful and awesome. A world where the genders live in respect for each other and not in fear would be some thing to behold and enjoy.