Where’s Lindsay Lohan when you need her?

Did you ever wake up crying and you weren’t sure why? You’ve had a huge swelling of emotions that you could feel like the heat from a roaring fire, and then snap! Just like that, you’re awake; you’ve experienced something of almost unbearable emotional intensity, something deeply draining, something almost alive, but with every second that passes you drift further and further away from whatever it was that made you feel that way. And you forget it. You forget the moments, the details, the places and names, all gradually but surely disappearing with every second that passes. You get up, go to your bathroom, and study yourself in the mirror, the face looking back at you familiar but foreign, and a horrible feeling starts growing in your stomach and your heart, a feeling that tells you that, though it was just a dream, you’ve somehow lost something of infinite value. A feeling so big it makes you want to cry. But you don’t. You have a cat to feed, a humidifier to turn off, and a degrading job to get to, so you wash your face, put your clothes on, eat your cold breakfast, tie up your shoes, step out the door, and try to join the human race. Just like everyone else. Continue reading →

Excuse me, I must have something in my eye

A lot of our greatest fears (y’know, other than “shark!” or “sock puppets!”) centre on being alone. Really, really alone, without a genuine connection to anyone, that feeling of being set aside, cast adrift, that we don’t matter and that no one cares. It’s only natural that at some point in our lives we’ll find ourselves overcome with feelings of isolation, whether it’s out of a natural anxiety, a sense that we’re different, or simply because we don’t know anyone yet. That’s something most of us overcome at least to some extent, but for those few of us who are truly alone — with no close friends, family, or even acquaintances — the real horror of that loneliness is that, more often than not, we did it to ourselves. It tends to be that it’s not that hard to make friends, it’s just tough to meet new people, but what’s easier than either of those is to simply stay quiet and fade into the background, in the vague hope that someone, someday will finally tell us, “there’s nothing wrong with you,” and really mean it.