Bluestockinghttps://asmarked.blog
Tue, 15 Aug 2017 14:22:34 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.pngBluestockinghttps://asmarked.blog
Oh that wicked nightmare!https://asmarked.blog/2017/03/02/oh-that-wicked-nightmare/
https://asmarked.blog/2017/03/02/oh-that-wicked-nightmare/#commentsThu, 02 Mar 2017 06:20:06 +0000http://asmarked.blog/?p=300]]>I’m stuck again in the same labyrinth of doorways and staircases. My throat is dry. I run frantically pushing the doors open to find a way out. I leap upstairs, I run downstairs. But no matter what I do, I get back to the same place.

As I continue to run through the maze, the doors keep closing behind me, staircases disappear midway and I land hard on the ground.

There’s a strong feeling of déjà vu. I don’t know how I know this but I do. I know this is a nightmare. Panting and sweating, I decide to stay put and beg my eyes to open and put an end to this nasty nightmare. But I can’t for I see them. They are everywhere. Men and women shrouded in blankets. They look like ordinary humans speaking in hushed tones. I strain my ears to listen what they’re saying, but I can’t. All I can hear is silence, a deafening silence. Like someone has played a video with the mute button on. Perhaps it won’t be so scary if it weren’t a nightmare.

They look normal until they turn their heads and look at me with that vicious grin. The piercing gaze of their green eyes cuts deep through my skin. I stand still holding my breath in a futile attempt to shrink my existence into nothing so they won’t see me. But they’ve already started moving in towards me.

I close my eyes as my hands instinctively reach over my head. I can hear my heart, every pound in my chest. My eyes open finally giving in to my plea and I see that my brain has already transported me back to my bed, safe and sound. My heart continues to race though. Bathed in profuse perspiration my body feels cold. I grab the water bottle on my bedside and let the water pour down my throat and my sweat smeared body.

I don’t exactly remember for how long this nightmare has kept me enchained, perhaps since my childhood. And every single time it manages to send shivers down my spine. However, over time, along the journey to discover my true self, I began to comprehend what that maze and its people have been screaming into my ears.

That maze somehow seems to represent the world where I often feel lost and unsure of which path to choose. In my quest to find that sense of belonging, I often get stuck with wrong people and at wrong places. I keep my real self hidden in an attempt to blend in. I pretend to blend in. But my mind, body and soul rebel in unison and signal me to run away. The deafening silence in my dream somehow symbolizes my inner voice I’m unable to hear.

And those people covered in blankets; perhaps they’re not all toxic and bad. It’s just that they’re not the right ones for me. Their stabbing gaze is the judgement that I fear. And as they move in to get me, to tell me that they accept me as one of them, I feel my existence drowning among the crowd, a crowd which is not mine and where I feel like an alien.

My desolate conscience whispers into my ears, “You deserve to exist, don’t erase your existence.” The nightmare ends there. And what begins is a journey of self exploration, of giving up the social mask, of finding my own tribe, and of becoming someone I’m meant to be.

]]>https://asmarked.blog/2017/03/02/oh-that-wicked-nightmare/feed/2asmarkedge26411150325_2af6636d09_zBuilding resilience in young children-Dr. Vinita Vermahttps://asmarked.blog/2017/02/23/building-resilience-in-young-children-dr-vinita-soni/
https://asmarked.blog/2017/02/23/building-resilience-in-young-children-dr-vinita-soni/#commentsThu, 23 Feb 2017 12:27:32 +0000http://asmarked.blog/?p=286]]>The world is a beautiful place yet so frightening. And if you’re a parent, you already know what I mean. Becoming a parent makes us know fears we never knew existed. As a baby grows into a child ready to step into the real world, the realization dawns that he/she is not the center of universe which they once believed. Life’s not easy and fair. There are challenges to be dealt with at every stage. And that’s where resilience comes into play.

I still remember my daughter’s first day at school. She was happy and excited. But once we reached to drop her at school, her face fell seeing other children cry. And I noticed that excitement on her face was replaced by apprehension. Her eyes brimmed with tears. Seeing my child like that I felt a knot in my throat too. But deep inside I knew this was the beginning of her journey outside her cocoon. Removing the hurdles from her path was not my job. Change and growth are inevitable and essential. The best I could do as a mother was to equip her with the skills that would help her cope.

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity and difficult situations. According to developmental psychologists, while some children develop resilience naturally, others may need assistance for the same.

Here I’ve summed up few strategies through which resilience can be built over time in children with a consistent effort:

Attachment and relationships

Contrary to the popular belief that resilience is built with rugged independence; love, support and compassionate nurturing are the building blocks of resilience. Human connection strengthens resilience by providing support and emotional security during hardships. Your presence and kind support will soothe the discomfort of challenges and will help your child sail through the difficult times.

Empathetic Approach

Empathy is the cornerstone of all relationships and human behaviour. An empathetic parenting approach will help the child feel understood and loved, which will in turn boost their self esteem and confidence. Teaching kids to empathize with others and encouraging them to help others will alleviate the feeling of helplessness in them. At the same time, it will make them more compassionate, which is a win-win situation.

Building Competence

Children believe what we think and speak of them. Our opinion of them hugely impacts and shapes them. They become what we perceive them to be.

Focus on their strengths and express your belief in their capabilities to handle a situation by allowing them to make choices and decisions wherever possible. Teach them the importance of self care by being a role model.

Enhance problem solving skills

Don’t always rush to their rescue rather give them a chance to build resistance against hurt and upsetting situations. Instead of giving them a piece of your mind, help them use theirs by asking questions. Let them analyse the situation and suggest what might work, what has worked earlier in similar circumstance or how according to them the problem can be dealt with.

Rejuvenation is important

Help them relax and rejuvenate. Like they say a well rested brain can achieve great things. It would build their problem solving skills and thus nurture resilience.

Nurture Optimism and self esteem

Talk to your children about the hardships they’ve faced in the past and appreciate them for handling it well. Make them see that how facing a problem has strengthened them for overcoming challenges in future. Teach them that mistakes and setbacks are a part of life and that they can be dealt with courage and that a dash of humour makes life cushier and challenges easier to deal with. And more importantly, let them know that it’s okay to ask for help.

Don’t tell, show them how to do it

Children are great imitators, so why not give them something good to imitate. Those little eyes are always watching you and learning as well. Don’t mask your disappointments and failures from your children rather show them how you deal with the setbacks.

And above everything else, let your children know that they are loved, always and unconditionally. That’s something they’ll carry forever in their hearts and that would make the foundation of their emotional and social well being.

]]>https://asmarked.blog/2017/02/23/building-resilience-in-young-children-dr-vinita-soni/feed/2asmarkedge14869969397_3aa527678c_zWho was she…https://asmarked.blog/2017/02/13/who-was-she/
https://asmarked.blog/2017/02/13/who-was-she/#commentsMon, 13 Feb 2017 04:47:18 +0000http://asmarked.blog/?p=274]]>It was years ago that I saw her. Yet her distinct features are forever etched in my memory.

I was sitting in the waiting lounge at airport killing time when my eyes found her. She sat in the corner chair near the wall right opposite to me. A new mom completely engrossed with her new born, oblivious of the world around. There were bags under her rich chocolate colored eyes like someone had smeared ash around them. Her eyes that told stories of countless sleepless night she’d spent taking care of her baby. Her uncombed hair tied in a bun with few strands falling on her face, her cotton dress creased and stained, but she didn’t seem to care.

I watched as she held her baby like a treasure, caressed her gently and then adjusted the blanket in which baby was swaddled. The baby seemed to be asleep. But she continued to sing lullabies and rock the baby. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and craned my neck a bit to get a peek at her treasure as well. It was then that she caught my gaze for the first time and for some reason she looked offended, rich chocolate in her eyes transformed into strong bitter coffee. Unsure of what to do, I smiled briefly and looked away. My cheeks flushed with heat.

Perhaps I’d been gawking mindlessly at them for too long. Perhaps it was just the overprotective streak of a new mother. Or perhaps she thought I was mocking her appearance. No, I wasn’t. And I didn’t mean to offend either; I was just admiring the raw beauty of motherhood.

From the corner of my eye I could notice her getting busy with the infant again and I let out a little sigh of relief. This time she sang the lullaby even louder and rocked harder. Even couple of passers-by slowed down for a while and watched her in amusement before picking up the pace again toward their respective destinations. The intensity of her voice and moving hands perturbed me strangely. But I stubbornly continued to gaze at my mobile screen attempting my best not to bother her again.

As a faceless voice announced the boarding for my flight, I gathered my belongings and stood up. And just then out of the blue something unthinkable happened. And it all happened in a blur of just few seconds. The baby slipped from her hands and I instinctively rushed forward with my arms open. I barely managed to catch her swaddled treasure in time. A train of rapid emotions—shock, fear, relief and confusion crossed my trembling self, my mind still struggling to keep along. She seemed dumbfounded and blankly stared at my hands with her brown eyes hazed by an impenetrable, incomprehensible steam.

Following her line of sight what I saw made me recoil and sigh. Baby! That baby wasn’t a baby! It was a doll, a lifeless doll, staring at me from under the blanket. It was a doll she’d been caressing all along. Without a word I kept the swaddled bundle back into her lap, adjusted the blanket, turned back and walked away. And the last thing I saw before turning back was the haze in her eyes slowly lifting to expose the ready to drip molten chocolate. I could feel her gaze at my back but I continued to walk without looking back.

Sitting in the flight I let my head fall back and closed my eyes in an attempt to brush aside the lingering image of that fluxed chocolate about to dribble. What did that fluid hold within? May be an unborn child. Or the one that was born and lost. Or the one that was never conceived. Whatever it was, the melancholy in those rich brown eyes constricted my throat.

I don’t know who she was, where she came from or where she was going. I don’t know her name either. For me her only identity was that of a mother. But was she one? I honestly don’t care. I still recall her as a mother, a real one—compassionate, protective, loving and oblivious of what the world thinks of her child.

This quote intrigues me like no other. Vulnerabilities….the state of being exposed…the feeling of low and raw emotions…often fathomed as a sign of weakness…….that’s how a linear mind perceives it. That’s how vulnerability looks like at the surface.

Being vulnerable, however, isn’t being weak; being vulnerable is being human. Pain is real and it hurts….hurts a lot at times. When wounds wreak our hearts open, the choice is ours—whether to ignore the wound and get scarred for life or to tend to and heal it with self-compassion. And one of my favourite quotes “The thing with pain is…it demands to be felt” sums it all. The only way to deal with pain is to feel it. And like you survived the wound…you’ll survive healing too.

Fear of rejection and being judged often keeps us from showing our vulnerable side to the world. However, if we look beneath this emotional nudity we’ll understand that the better we know how the pain feels the more capable we become to develop resistance and transform this pain into stepping stones of achieving emotional freedom.

Being vulnerable is the only way to feel your emotions in fullness. With vulnerabilities comes resistance, with vulnerabilities comes strength, with vulnerabilities comes courage and empathy. Vulnerabilities bring you face to face with those broken parts of yourself you’ve kept hidden from the world…and you learn to love them.

To be concise, vulnerabilities make you beautiful and authentic!

]]>https://asmarked.blog/2017/01/19/out-of-your-vulnerabilities-will-come-your-strength-sigmund-freud/feed/0asmarkedge2333989288_53a8b917e3_bTroublesome Transitionshttps://asmarked.blog/2017/01/13/troublesome-transitions/
https://asmarked.blog/2017/01/13/troublesome-transitions/#commentsFri, 13 Jan 2017 11:21:16 +0000http://asmarked.blog/?p=223]]>It’s 7 am in the morning. DS refuses to come out of the bed. I insist…he whines. I look at wall clock anxiously and run around the house to carry out morning chores so that everyone can leave home in time. Amid the morning chaos getting DS dressed, fed and out of the door becomes a recipe for meltdowns and tantrums. And we all end up getting stressed and frustrated despite my earnest attempts to stay calm and patient.

This is how typical mornings in my house looked like until few weeks ago. Chaotic mornings that spilled stress to the rest of my day. I wanted to get to the root of the thing which was causing friction.

Was it school? No, because he absolutely loves going to school. Then sleep, fatigue, lack of attention? Definitely no! He was getting proper sleep and I made sure that his attachment tank remained full too. What was is then? While I sought the answers, a little research and tweaking of my approach and response to his behaviour broke the ice finally.

Transitions! I should have known. Ever since he was a baby I’ve known that change of place and situations has always troubled him. And I’ve always made it a point to brief him in advance about the upcoming change. What I missed this time, however, was the fact that even subtle transitions of day to day life like shifting between activities could elicit meltdowns of that degree.

Life doesn’t flow smoothly; it is made up of transitions. And to move along we need to get on with them. But transitions aren’t always pretty…sigh! They take effort, consume energy and push you out of your current comfort zone. It’s against human nature to abruptly stop what’s captivating our interest at the moment and move on to next.

In the process of growing up we all learn to deal with transitions, acknowledge our emotions and learn our responsibilities depending upon individual temperament. Even I hit the snooze button on my morning alarm at least twice every day before my sense of responsibility takes over and gets me going. While the concept of time and schedule makes sense to us adults, but not to small children. They live in the moment and might find it hard to cope with change in the fast moving and overwhelming world. Why get out of the bed when you could remain snuggled in blankets, or go to bath tub while that new lego set intrigues you…and then why get out of bath tub when playing in water is so much fun!

And unfailingly the adult who imposes the change on them becomes the villain. I knew that I needed to change my approach to ease the trouble transitions were causing. Apart from maintaining his schedule and keeping him informed about the upcoming change (which are crucial to ward off transition troubles) here’s what I did.

Happy and cuddly mornings

I decided to give up some more on my sleep (And that’s excruciating!) and be up half an hour earlier. That gives me more cuddling time with DS and he resists less while getting out of bed. That certainly made our mornings happier to start with.

Superhero trick

Ever since he turned four, DS miraculously discovered his superhero streak. And guess what Mommy couldn’t be happier! To get him dressed and out of the house I tell him how we’re on a superhero mission and need to speed up the chores and defeat the sloth monster to catch the bus! Voila…it works!

And I use the same strategy for other outings and errands too.

Blame the clock- Timers save Mommy’s day!

While on a play date or in a park this one comes most handy. The idea is to shift the focus from ‘mean mommy’ to ‘mean schedule’. I put a timer and tell him that once the alarm goes off, we need to close current activity and move on to the next. Besides, I inform him five minutes in advance that we need to wrap up, it’s time.

Making transitions positive and rewarding

Fear of upcoming change may often scare the young minds and make them anxious. For common triggers and troublesome transitions, I try to put forward something that seems positive and rewarding to DS. Like in the mornings if we reach 10 minutes early at our bus stop, he gets to play in the park right next to it. And we follow it as a ritual which makes him see the positive side of transitions.

These are the few techniques that worked for me. If your little one finds it hard too to put brakes on one activity and start another, you may consider these or other expert techniques or even use few of your own depending upon your kid’s temperament.

Transitions, I must say, can be troublesome indeed. And as adults it’s our responsibility to be present and respond empathetically during such difficult times and help our kids learn to cope with them. They’ll grow out of this soon, what they’ll remember however would be the compassion and kindness shown by us when they felt terrible and vulnerable.

]]>https://asmarked.blog/2017/01/13/troublesome-transitions/feed/2asmarkedge4929686071_970be30b8d_o3033054970_0df38e9104_zThat Flawsome Journey!https://asmarked.blog/2017/01/05/that-flawsome-journey/
https://asmarked.blog/2017/01/05/that-flawsome-journey/#respondThu, 05 Jan 2017 10:57:19 +0000http://asmarked.wordpress.com/?p=204]]>What we desire isn’t always what we need….yet what we really need always finds a way to come to us….sometimes the hard way though! I thought as I sat near the window of a beach hut watching the waves building up and smashing at the shore.

Who knew a holiday could bring about that much change in one’s life. Though this one had always meant much more that a holiday, little did I know it would turn into a roller coaster ride.

This is my story. This is also the story of a flawsome journey that changed my life…A journey of similes and metaphors and hyperboles. A journey of unpredictability and twists and turns. A journey of awe-inspiring and breathtaking moments. A journey where I could see my life from a higher vantage point and experience how universe works. All in all, it was a perfectly imperfect holiday which catalyzed an irreversible shift in my life.

If we go little back in time my life was in mess with clutter everywhere that threatened to drown me. I was desperate to come out but nothing seemed to help. I wanted to scream…I wanted to cry which I did more than ever those days… and I wanted to run away…run away from the chaos…from the world…from myself. Crouching down on the floor I wondered where all the happiness had evaporated from my life.

On one such day while flipping through the pages of a magazine, I caught a glimpse of a beautiful hut on the beach looking over the spectacular sea. Something about that picture entranced me. And I felt this strong urge to be there. As if there was something magical about that hut which constantly pulled me. A pull so strong that brilliantly outstripped the fear of that recurrent childhood nightmare where I would witness a ship drowning in the ocean. The conflict didn’t last long and in an instant I knew I’d to be there in that hut despite being a hopeless hydrophobic. Perhaps this was my chance to take on my fears…to rejuvenate…to seek answers…and more than anything to find my lost happiness.

While that hut continued to beckon me, I worked hard on my schedule to make window for that vacation. However, nothing seemed to work right and from unexpected, last minute ticket and booking cancellations, to political uproars to flight delays I got it all covered.

Once I embarked on this journey, more unexpected obstacles began to surface one after other; the whole trip seemed to be mysteriously jinxed. And it was hard not to think that how the muddle of my life adamantly followed me on the trip too, which made me wince.

Had I known how this trip had lessons in store for me at every instant, maybe I would have tried to keep my anxiety and impatience in check. But of all the other things, this is also one which makes us human, our limitation to see past that bend in the road.

And now here I am…sitting in the beach hut watching the gentle sea waves scattering the hues of morning sun like sequins. I find my thoughts slowly drifting to the small boat tied at the shore swaying with the rythm of sea. And that rythm miraculously choreographing my thoughts.

I glared at those timeless waves for what seemed like an eternity. Then in a flash the memory of that rocking ship on the stormy sea hit me. And the mere thought sent shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes for a long moment. A swelling sea beneath my feet with waves so huge that made the ship look like a dwarf. Rain splattered everywhere and it was hard to distinguish gray sky from gray water. The raging sea seemed to mock the panic-stricken humans by threatening to tip the ship over. Huge crests crowned with white froth racing to meet the blurred horizons. At that moment I couldn’t tell dream from reality. One was the reflection of another. My nightmare…Oh that wicked nightmare had come alive!

Someone seemed to have blown life into that lifeless nightmare which menaced countless lives now. And it happened all of a sudden without a warning! A thousand thoughts crossed my mind with intensity that matched to that of cyclone. Had that bewitching hut on the island lured me into this? No…Oh dear God no! I didn’t ask for this. All I had asked for was a peaceful life…not to die in the middle of the ocean with my worst nightmare being invoked. My brain working hard to retrieve memories from the past…as old as when I was a little child…and fervently replaying them. Faces, conversations and places coming alive and then vanishing in the blur. I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes.

My life and its highs and lows…stormy sea with its crests and troughs…all were in synch. The oneness I felt with universe in that moment surprisingly soothed my soul. Stiffness began to resolve and I breathed easier. The noise outside slowly faded into a deafening silence. I don’t know how much time had passed before the murmuring of fellow passengers brought me back into the scene. Panic on their faces was replaced with a sense of relief. And as I looked around, I realized we were nearing the shore with island in the view. The storm had passed like it never came.

And now as I sit here in the beach hut, my thoughts and waves seem perfectly synchronized…coming together and then falling apart. And isn’t that how life works. It doesn’t stay constant ever. It comes together for a while and then falls apart. And it happens again and then again. The point we fail to understand is that it’s not always about sorting things and defeating the obstacles to create a perfect life, it’s about letting the life be real at times.

Running away or physically distancing yourself from the problems can never solve them, as it’s not the problems, it’s you. Yes you and your reaction to them! And wherever you go, you’re sure to take yourself along. Though a break can give you a better and clear perspective to take them on.

Now I do understand why what we desire isn’t always what we need. And it was my desire for the ideal to take over the real, that caused all the misery. While I’d set out in pursuit of happiness what I discovered was the meaning of life and a sense of purpose. Having come so far from the worldly distractions, my thoughts now merely dwell on what really matters and I find my connections growing deeper with people and things I love and dreams I’ve nurtured. I realize that life is precious and gratitude is indeed elixir of life. I reckon that when everything around you moves in a swirl beyond your control, all you need is to stay put and let the swirl pass, just like that little boat on the shore. And that nightmare of drowning ship…I saw it again the night I reached here after the storm. This time the ship drowned while I swam to the shore.

I sit here taking in the salty smell of sea water and glaring at the vast horizons. This vastness doesn’t intimidate me anymore rather it feels liberating.

And those waves…Aah those tranquilizing waves…rising and falling! Dancing and crashing on the pebbles! Always the same yet never! Now as I walk on the shimmering sand to reach them …they rush forward to welcome me. Each wave splashes me with new zeal and takes away the thoughts that were never mine as it recedes. And I become more of what I am…rather the best and truest version of myself.

I see the boatman untie the small boat to get it ready for the sail. I quickly say a secret prayer as I see the little boat bob away glistening in sunrise on the majestic sea.

]]>https://asmarked.blog/2017/01/05/that-flawsome-journey/feed/0asmarkedge15349597_341797879529559_5564717630212718141_ndscn3333Every child is entitled to be a child!https://asmarked.blog/2016/07/13/every-child-is-entitled-to-be-a-child/
https://asmarked.blog/2016/07/13/every-child-is-entitled-to-be-a-child/#commentsWed, 13 Jul 2016 12:41:37 +0000http://asmarked.wordpress.com/?p=185]]>A flailing toddler howling inconsolably, kicking frantically and pounding the floor, flustered parents and baffled onlookers—a pretty common yet not so pleasant sight for many of us.

And what do we, say as onlookers, do when we witness these ‘infamous tantrums’? While many of us pretend to ignore the hoo-hah (for the sake of politeness), some of us shower the perplexed parents with nasty looks for not being in control. And a few…just few of us are those who truly understand and empathize—People who know that these meltdowns are a part of childhood.

“With expectations that children should act like adults comes great disappointment when they act like children”, says Rebecca Eanes, founder of Positive-Parents.org. And I can’t agree more.

I’m no parenting expert, rather far from it. But I know one thing for sure—Babies are not born with evil intentions to downtrod us. Period.

Being a parent of a preschooler I’ve closely known these meltdowns both as an onlooker as well as the one dealing with them. And while handling them I’ve put up with nasty comments, unsolicited advice and have felt the burden to be in control, be it in parties, family get-togethers, or supermarkets.

Control him? Like seriously? He didn’t come with a remote control. And nor do I intend to control him. I certainly do intend to discipline him, teach him, guide him, but never control him. He’s a human being not a remote controlled toy for God’s sake.

I recently heard someone describing a preschooler acting out in public, showing resentment or talking back as rotten and spoilt. It left me flabbergasted for sure. Of course everyone is entitled to have an opinion. But every child is entitled to be a child too. Judging a child based on some twisted, adult made scale of acceptable human behaviour is atrocious. And calling a child rotten is demeaning to the core.

It’s not easy being a child. They’re little humans struggling with big emotions who seek our help in understanding, defining and dealing with every single emotion. There’s a lot happening in their rapidly growing brains. Their growing sense of independence perturbs them when they fail to see the boundaries. They constantly test and push our limits to know theirs. Thus the responsibility of setting healthy and firm boundaries while being kind and empathetic is utterly on us as parents. And yes they’re entitled, entitled to feel the entire spectrum of emotions— grumpy, excited, disappointed, happy, upset and so on, just like the rest of us.

Every tantrum or meltdown is an sos for help. There’s always an underlying cause. We need to validate the feelings first and address/correct the behaviour next. They need us to tell them that it’s okay to feel how they feel. However there are positive ways to deal with difficult emotions without hurting or offending anyone.

It’s a pity that human beings seem to have evolved, but their instinct to curb emotions hasn’t. Emotions still remain a taboo. Banishing people for what they feel without understanding what makes them feel so is tragic indeed. Spanking never ever helps (Even research supports that!), and same goes with reprimanding and power struggles. All it does is teach our kids wrong ways to settle a conflict.

Consider this for example. After having a tiff with my husband the other day, I withdrew myself from the situation and sat in silence till both of us were good enough to discuss and reflect on what went wrong. Now what if to teach him a lesson, I take away his car keys or make him stand in one corner of the house with all his privileges taken down. Or how about insisting that he apologizes verbally when he doesn’t even feel like. Sounds insane, doesn’t it?

Though smaller in size, kids are full humans too and deserve to be treated with respect. They’re like mirrors who reflect what we’re. They help us see things we haven’t resolved within ourselves. These little beings expand our hearts, mind and soul making us better humans.

Ever since I came across this concept of positive parenting, things have changed for the better (And when I say positive parenting, it doesn’t imply submissive). Less yelling, more connecting, and time outs giving way for time ins are certainly making a difference in my house. With a strong willed preschooler at hand, it gets challenging for sure, but at the end worth it.

And I’m certainly going to write some more on my tryst with positive parenting.

I know I wasn’t a good mom today. I lacked compassion, spoke harsher than I intended to, and struggled to keep my emotions in check. It was a hard day. Perhaps you don’t know it. And how could you? I’m sorry.

After tossing and turning for the whole night I woke up with a headache. I groggily scurried to the kitchen only to find everything in mess. When I came to wake you up, you smiled at me with those brightly lit eyes. “Mumma…” you said reaching out for those morning snuggles. And with sheer discourtesy I got busy with morning chores. Not because I don’t love you, but because I was tired. And perhaps mommy needed some more sleep.

But there was no way you could have known this. I’m really sorry.

Then I tried to dress you up for school and you rollicked around the house inviting me to play the run around game. And I yelled, “Hurry up! We’re late”. I wasn’t yelling at you dear. Trust me it wasn’t you.I could hardly hear myself speak.

Aah, but how could you’ve known. I’m sorry.

When mommy was busy on a call and you ran inside with a wonderful doodle art on your slate, and that glint in your eyes, mommy didn’t smile. And when you tried thrusting that forward, I retorted, “Watch your manners!” But it wasn’t you mommy was angry at.

How in the world would you know that? I’m so sorry. And that ship sailing on the water on your slate was fantastic indeed.

Today I wasn’t at my parenting best. And somehow you were convinced that it was you. So you tip toed around me for hours. No, it wasn’t you sweetheart. It’s just that mommy was having a bad day. And some bad days are just worse than others. I was mad at myself, or perhaps the world, or may be at my inadequacy to cope. Sometimes mommy tries to be text-book-perfect , which is pretty unreasonable, you know. It’s not always easy being an adult, a mother, a parent. And so is being a child, I know.

Mommy can be touchy too at times. There are days when feet hurt, back aches and eyes droop. Or days when I just don’t feel like myself. After all, life isn’t always a straight highway. No you don’t know that. And you don’t even need to, at least now. But just know this that I’m trying. I’m trying every single day to be a better parent. And as I sat flipping through pictures of your first birthday, my anger turned into sadness and sadness into tears. I feel crestfallen.

I’ll be fine again tomorrow after a good sleep, few scoops of ice cream and a read through a good book. But I want to apologize so that you know I’m trying. I’m not a perfect mother, but I’m learning to be a better one.

And while I’m writing this I hear you mumble in sleep. Oh what’s that…let me hear… “Incy Wincy Spider…Climbed up the Water Spout”…and there’s something about the good dinosaur too. I’m waiting for you to wake up. We are going to cuddle and eat ice cream. And then how about some finger painting?

And I promise to be a better mom tomorrow.

I love you,

Mommy

xxxx

]]>https://asmarked.blog/2016/03/17/i-wasnt-a-good-mother-today/feed/12asmarkedge9436653177_8489958ec9_oLife of a work-at-home mom (WAHM)https://asmarked.blog/2016/03/03/life-of-a-wahm/
https://asmarked.blog/2016/03/03/life-of-a-wahm/#commentsThu, 03 Mar 2016 12:29:20 +0000http://asmarked.wordpress.com/?p=154]]>I feel exhausted, rather knackered. And the problem is ….I’ve chosen this weariness all by myself.

I’m a work-at-home mom (WAHM). Though every mom is a working mom and can never be called non-working, but here I used work-at-home in context to my professional role along with family responsibilities. I don’t intend to fuel the famous stay-at-home versus working mom debate here, because I do both. Period.

So a work-at-home mom…a happy mom working effortlessly on a laptop with a content and joyous infant on her lap. If this image pops up in your head hearing WAHM (which most likely would) hold on for a while. Being a WAHM means my personal and work lives collide all the time, as I do everything being at the same place and under the same atmosphere. Juggling with my responsibilities, I hardly go out (except school drop and pick-up). And every time I’m seen outdoors, my contribution behind those closed doors is blatantly questioned when people ask me things like, “what do you do all day?” And those, who know that behind those closed doors I earn a living too, call it a wonderful way of killing time. Voila!

Though I love my WAHM life as I get to pursue my dreams while being at home, but it’s certainly not as easy as it sounds. I face challenges like any of you in day-to-day life. And as I get asked these questions over and again, I would like to give you a sneak peek into the life of a WAHM.

It was three years ago when I took that monumental decision to be a WAHM. To be precise, I decided to earn. As the monetary dependence makes the woman in me feel crippled.

Though I’ve always had the option to join my regular job after childbirth, but witnessing my darling son achieve those growth milestones seemed miraculous and blissful. Nothing in the world could have enticed me into staying away from something so gratifying. And the ‘back to work option’ soon turned into ‘never been an option’. In the wonderful growing years of my son, I wanted a schedule of my own, which wasn’t possible in my previous job. And hence I decided to venture into the alternate career of writing, while being at home.

Challenges crept in

As my work evolved, so did job offers and opportunities. There were times when I found it hard setting boundaries and priorities. Meanwhile DS started dropping his daytime naps too. So I either watched the opportunities pass or felt guilty about less family time or compromised on my health.

There were days when I changed nappies while being on call with clients (attempting my best to sound professional), typed emails with a frantic toddler on my lap, took notes with crayons, and struggled to find few moments of peace and sanity to concentrate. And on those days, how I wished I could seek refuge from this pandemonium in office premises.

Those seemingly tough days

Soon I learnt that this work at home gig has its own perks and simultaneous challenges too. There are days when productivity seems to soar high with my three year old happily humming through the day. Again there are other days, when nothing goes as planned. There are fits and tantrums, lagging work, empty refrigerator, laundry strewn around the house, migraines, flares and an utter chaos. There are days when I feel the burden of the world on my shoulders and a constant pull in wild directions. There are days when my best attempts to stick with the schedule turn futile and life seems to be thrown out of balance.

I love being a WAHM

So that was the hard part of it… being a WAHM. Despite all the challenges I face, a throwback at my routine day looks like this—bright smiles that lit up my world, countless hugs and kisses, laughter, tears, stolen moments of sheer joy, and putting one foot in front of other to achieve my dreams come whatsoever. Yes I’m doing it all. Because I aspire to create the life I love. I slow down when needed, reset priorities, reschedule work to achieve balance overhaul, and most importantly I make a promise to be gentle with myself every day. So next time you see a mom, whether stay-at-home, working, or working from home, kindly be little considerate and never ever ask—What do you do all day?

Being a WAHM is not easy (same like a SAHM or working mom), but I never regret having taken this plunge. I rather love it. And as today is one of those exhausting days, guess I need to take a break and answer those twenty missed calls (Yes you read it right…20) flashing on my phone.

Isn’t it ironical that though our modern lives are equipped with cutting edge technology that claims to save time, yet our lifestyle is getting hectic paced and nerve-racking than ever. The world around seems to be moving in a dizzying pace, and we just hasten to keep along. Everyone in rush, people tied to smartphones and laptops, unfeasible deadlines, maddening traffic, honking, road rage, overwhelming exhaustion, a few highlights of our so called modern lives.

Being crazy busy is the latest vogue. Moreover, our modern society breeds discontent by advertising flashy materialism. Dreams, ambitions, excitement, money, success…it’s all good, but isn’t this frenzied quest of fulfilment driving people haywire? The fact is that no new achievement or success can bring you happiness and contentment if you’re not grateful for what you already have.

We can’t control the pace and hustle of the world around. But, at personal level, we can make a conscious attempt to lead a balanced, content, and happier life. Slowing down a bit and appreciating life is a personal and conscious choice, which we make every day by learning to practise gratitude. Whatever the circumstances, one can always find something to be grateful for. And as Paul S Boyntonsays, once we learn the difference between a burnt potato and a catastrophe, we learn to laugh at small upsets and live more grateful and happier lives.

Gratitude means being thankful, counting your blessings, and appreciating simple pleasures of life. Gratitude is the antidote to discontentment. It is one of the healthiest and medicinal emotions you can ever feel. The more you practise it, the more fulfilling your life becomes. It redirects our mind from what we don’t have to what we already have and turns it into enough. Gratitude unfailingly lifts our mood and spirit paving way to an abundant life. Moreover, gratitude strengthens our relationships for it requires us to acknowledge other people’s contribution in our well being and happiness.

Goodness of Gratitude

Robert Emmons, one of the eminent scientific experts on gratitude, reveals that gratitude is proven to have significant impact on our physical, psychological and social well being. A series of studies conducted by his team shows that people practising gratitude have better immune system and they sleep better. Such people are known to have higher levels of optimism and happiness, and are less likely to suffer from depression. Grateful people are more compassionate, helpful and forgiving.

Practising Gratitude

Gratitude is magical and holds the power to transform your woes into bliss and happiness. Practising gratitude is a two step process—feeling and expressing, both of which are equally important. Maintaining a daily gratitude journal can be a good start. Notice the little things in day to day life that you feel grateful for and note them down. Expressing gratitude is the next step. A note of thanks, a phone call, or a meeting with person you owe a word of thanks is a wonderful exercise for practising gratitude.

Say Thanks in Advance

One of the shortcuts to happiness is expressing gratitude in advance. When you feel and express this magical emotion before things actually happen, you send out a positive message to the universe. Positive energy emanates from your heart out to the universe and then back to you. Stay happy for who you are and be grateful for what you want to become. Take the magic of gratitude wherever you go. Infuse your life, challenges, hardships, passions and relationships with gratitude and see the magic happen. Give gratitude to people before they do anything for you. Give gratitude for the life you want. Give gratitude to the universe for making things happen in your favour.

The answer to a happy and abundant life is inside your heart waiting to come forth. Let it come out…say thank you. Feel it inside, say it to yourself, say it aloud, and do it often. Find gratitude, find happiness!