December 30, 2007

I return from my Christmas holidays to learn the sad news that Andrew Glyn - the man who taught me more than anyone else - has died. He taught not just by words, diagrams and equations but by example. And one of his lessons, I realize now, was about the relationship between intellect and political commitment. I was a student of his in the mid-80s, whilst he was working for the NUM to show - correctly as it turned out - that Thatcher's plans for mass pit closures were economically irrational. His reward for this was to have his phone tapped by MI5. And it's typical of the man that his response to this was bemused humour, not paranoia or self-importance.However, although this was a time when political passions were much stronger than now, Andrew never let this work colour his teaching. He never gave those of us who shared his views an easy ride, and was never less than generous to those who didn't share his views; his conservative and liberal students held him in as high regard as I did. Socialism, to him was never an excuse for sloppy thinking. Andrew's first priority was intellectual rigour; socialism was a second priority Or maybe third, after jazz. He once said: "the three greatest men who ever lived were Lenin, Trotsky and Charlie Parker, not necessarily in that order."If his socialism was held lightly, so was his intellect. Although he was the cleverest man I ever met, he never used his intelligence to put others down, to show off, or to gratify his ego - indeed, he had less ego than almost anyone. His intellect served his students. He was a teacher and socialist, in the best senses of both words. And - much more important - he was a great bloke. Other memories are in this Facebook group.

September 24, 2007

1. The Wright brothers didn't just fly the first plane, but also caused the first fatal plane crash, killing one Thomas Selfridge.2. Pierluigi Collina was once voted the sexiest man in Italy. This makes me very happy.3. The steam engine was invented by Hero of Alexandria in the first century AD.4. Joseph Schumpteronce fought a duel with swords, albeit only against a librarian.5. In the 1950s, the Isle of Wight was the centre of the UK space industry. Rockets were built in East Cowes.6. The name Factory Records was devised not by Tony Wilson but by Alan Erasmus, who had earlier appeared in Coronation Street, thus giving him a claim to be one of the greatest Englishmen who ever lived.7. Giraffe, though rarely eaten at Bar-Mitzvahs, is in fact a kosher meat.

September 09, 2007

1. There are 99 rivers in the world which are four times longer than the Thames, most of which I'd never heard of.2. Liberace won record damages when he sued the Daily Mirror for libel after it said he was gay. Until learning this, I'd never understood the appeal of Blair or Cameron.3. Median hourly pay is higher in lorry manufacturing than in financial services.4. 50 years ago, most Italians didn't speak Italian. 5. Romans didn't often wear togas, and plebeians were sometimes rich.6. Ned Ludd, possibly fictional founder of the Luddites, came from Anstey, just down the road from me.7. The chupacabra might be real. More likely, there are even more breeds of ugly dog than I'd realised.

August 31, 2007

As part of my ceaseless quest to bring you a better blogging experience, I introduce what I hope to be a new weekly feature: seven things (one a day) I know now that I didn't know last week. Here goes.1. Arthur Conan Doyle played the banjo, and once took the wicket of W.G. Grace. But he didn't keep goal for Portsmouth FC.2. Rats prefer sugar to cocaine (hat tip).3. You don't need a penis to have an erection - though it's not recommended.4. The term "role model" was coined by Robert K. Merton, father of Nobel laureate Robert C.5. The number of hours worked by the average American home-maker did not change during the 20th century; it stuck at around 50 a week (p199 of this great book.)6. In a normal distribution, a 25 standard deviation event is a 6 x 10-138 probability. There are only 1078 atoms in the observed universe...7. ...and the observed universe might be larger than the actual universe.

July 29, 2007

Richard Herring's piece on kidulthood omits an important point - that the kidult on his skateboard and the "mature" adult in his suit and tie are equally stupid.The folly and pathos of the kidult lies in the fact that he wants something - youth, hipness - that is both unattainable and of dubious value. Do you really want to be young again, with your naivete, gaucheness with girls, unformed tastes and insecurities?But in this, the kidult is little different from the besuited 40-something professional. To be still chasing money, power and authority two decades after leaving university is pathetic, in the proper sense of the word. To have failed to see in 20 years that these are mere trinkets of frivolous utility suggests that one is incapable of learning anything about society or human nature. In this sense, there's wisdom in kidults. At least they see that conventional professional success means nothing of substance.

July 25, 2007

Housing minister Yvette Cooper has found the solution to Britain's sexual health "crisis." No, it's not that thinking of her puts people off sex. It's that building more homes will reduce sexually transmitted diseases.One of the main effects of the housing shortage is that it's forcing young people to live with their parents for longer. A housebuilding programme will let them move out earlier. And having a place of their own will make it easier for young people to have sex. It's easier to invite someone back to your place if you don't have to worry about waking your mum up; my sole motive in buying my flat in Belsize Park was to have somewhere to bring the laydeez*. Extra housing will therefore create a supply of virginal 20-somethings ready for sex. This supply might be increased by the fact that living on one's own gives you more self-confidence than you get from living with your mum.This will reduce sexually transmitted diseases. Yes, reduce, as Steve Landsburg has explained. If a virginal guy is on the market, there's a (small!) chance women will sleep with him rather than with the bloke who's been around and will infect them with the clap. So, the prevalence of STDs will fall. In this way, housebuilding is a way of cutting STDs. After all, is it really a coincidence that the numbers of 25-34 year-olds - those most affected by the housing shortage - with new cases of chlamydia has risen by almost a quarter since 2002? * It didn't work, which only shows that the law of unintended consequences is everywhere.

July 15, 2007

There's something absurd about Leeds Metropolitan University's decision to offer a degree in Northern Studies. It has nothing to do with "dumbing down". It's the presumption that Northernness is a body of transferable knowledge. It's not. Northernness is a set of habits of mind.This is not a purely geographical issue. The Wirral and Aldlerley Edge are more Northern than many midlands towns. And Arsenal, until quite recently, have been a Northern team; I remember David Beckham fouling Nigel Winterburn at Highbury once, to be greeted with a chant of: "you dirty Southern bastard."Here, I reckon, are the differences between North and South:1. Northerners do, Southerners sell. Self-made Northerners got rich
by making things, Southerners by trading. The two most famous
Southern entrepreneurs - Sugar and Branson - got rich by selling stuff
that doesn't work.2. Northerners listen, Southerners talk. The taciturn Northerner is a cliche, as is the gobby cockney cabbie. The early success of Coronation Street - like that of other kitchen sink dramas of the early 60s - was based in large part upon Tony Warren's ear, his ability to capture Northern dialogue. There's no Southern equivalent. The allegation that Oasis rip off the Beatles rests upon Noel Gallagher's having listened so hard to the Beatles that they are part of himself. And the North has produced more and better stand-up comedians because of Northerners' ear for language and timing. With the possible exception of Harry Enfield at his peak, there's no southern Les Dawson or Victoria Wood. The difference between Bernard Manning and Jim Davidson is that Manning was occasionally funny.3. Northerners have craft, Southerners style. It would be entirely in character for David Hockney, Harrison Birtwistle or Henry Moore - not to mention every Northern writer who ever drew breath - to talk about the "craft" of what they do. Damien Hirst - a Southerner despite growing up in Leeds - never would.4. Northerners have character, Southerners have presentation. The South's most successful pop stars - Damon Albarn or David Bowie - have been able to reinvent themselves. Morrissey or Noel Gallagher never could.The difference between the Spice Girls and Girls Aloud is that the former are Southern - they owe their success to media manipulation - whereas the latter, being good-looking girls who can sing, are Northern.No Northerner would ever worry about being "cool."5. Southerners have charm, Northerners (occasionally) have warmth. You can never tell if a Southerner likes you. Also, fraud (other than benefit fraud) is a Southern crime, murder a Northern one. 6. Southerners are guilty about where they come from, Northerners proud. Both are correct.

July 10, 2007

No-one will ever improve upon Matthew Parris's assessment of Alastair Campbell. But one service Campbell's done us is to remind us of Blair's contemptible grandiosity. Campbell writes:

TB said in the end, there are big people and little people...The big people do big things and the
little people do little things. You [Campbell] are a big person.

But the thing is, it's the little people doing little things who
matter. All the essentials of life come from the little people who
clean the streets and make our food. The humblest binman has done more
good for me in the last 10 years than Blair's managed.
And it's little people who know more than Blair ever will. They know to
co-operate with their fellow man, rather than seek dominion over him;
Pol Pot, Hitler, Mao and Stalin were all big people.
They know that dreams are dreams and reality is reality, and only lunatics and fanatics impose the former onto the latter, for that would be to make government a mere instrument of passion.
They know that "success" goes not to the wise and
virtuous, but to the ambitious and rapacious, and that power not only
corrupts but enslaves.
And they know, as Adam Smith did, that "wealth and greatness are mere
trinkets of frivolous utility", that the paths of glory lead but to the grave, and that the true goods are those of excellence, not mere effectiveness.
And they know too that neither fame nor obscurity can disguise the fundamental equality between us. As a poet Gordon Brown is fond of citing wrote:

Full many a flower is born to blush unseenAnd waste its sweetness upon the desert air