Thursday, November 7, 2013

Supernatural, Season 9, Episode 5: Dog Dean Afternoon

So, opening person (inevitable victim) is a taxidermist
(with another Game of Thrones reference, think the writer is a fan?) His dog
acts up which spooks him (and is there anything more spooky than a taxidermy
shop at night?) and he manages to scare himself with a grizzly. Don’t worry it
was just a false alarm! Hah! As if, a man dressed as a cowboy with a forked
tongue appears and folds him up neatly (and painfully).

To the Winchester cave and apparently Kevin is laid up
from his little holiday with an eternal hang over (I am putting this down as
another “why we don’t have to back up that whole ‘we’re family’ thing Dean
pulled and Kevin isn’t going to be in this episode” excuse again). Sam has a
case he wants them to investigate but Dean’s still wary since Sam still needs
to heal from the trials; of course, Sam feels fine (running
on angel power – and he can’t get rid of Ezekiel until Sam is fully healed
which won’t happen if Sam is getting active and hurt).

Because of the whole super sekrit thing, Dean can’t tell
Sam any of this and is dragged off to investigate the creepy taxidermists. On
the door of the shop they see “Die Scum” has been painted on in red – with a
little triangle and paw-print symbol in the corner. They pretend to be FBI
agents, as usual, to fool the local law enforcement (who, conveniently, stopped
checking that since Bobby died; which is good of them). Talking to Stevens, the
man who found the body, they learn that all the entrails from the prepped
animal corpses are missing (Dean is more than a little squeamish about the
whole thing – especially for someone who beheads things). Sam thinks witch but
they can’t find a hex bag – and Dean is definitely weirded out by taxidermy.

Back the motel, research turns up that the paw-print
symbol belongs to SNART. A local animal rights group. But they need to know if
they’re actually witches or just hippies - which means a trip to the vegan
bakery (which Dean, avid meat eater, is so very unhappy about). And lots of
people wearing sunglasses inside (to Dean for snark: only blind people and
douchebags wear sunglasses inside).

They talk to the bakery owners and co-founders of SNART. They admit to spray
painting the death threat because of how much hunters are evil evil people to
them – but not to killing the man. And it backfired because while spray
painting the place someone who hissed caught them and maced them (hence the
sunglasses inside).

Looking at their injuries Sam and Dean return to the
motel for more research: they weren’t maced, they were sprayed in the eyes by
venom. Yes, snakey theme – venom, constriction, hissing. They brainstorm but
don’t come up with anything specific.

Meanwhile our snakey guy bribes his way into a pound and
pulls out several cats – and swallows them whole. The desk clerk who he bribed
(who assumed he was picking up animals for perfume testing) is unfortunate enough
to catch him in the act and be brutally clawed to death (why would a snakey man
have claws?)

Sam and dean arrive at the scene trying to fit “claws” in
with their snakey theme – and notice that the taxidermist’s dog is in the
pound. Paranoia takes over – shapeshifter? Skinwalker? They test the dog with
silver just to be sure. They do notice that the dog (called the Colonel) starts
barking whenever he sees someone in a big hat (possibly a Stetson). They hit on
the idea of using Colonel as a witness – and call Kevin for research

Back at the motel, the research has come back; an Inuit spell. Allowing them to
mind-meld with the dog; Dean volunteers and makes excuses why Sam can’t (again,
trying to preserve his delicate healingness). He drinks the potion (which
tastes awful of course) and it doesn’t seem to work –until later and Colonel
complains about the radio station (he doesn’t like Foreigner?). They get
descriptions of the killer’s smell

All through the conversation Dean keeps picking up the rubbish Sam throws in
the bin, harasses the postman and keeps scratching. Yes, mind melding with the
dog has caused Dean to become dog-like (I actually liked the fetch thing – the
scratching not so much. I can’t imagine a dog would scratch if he wasn’t
itchy). Contacting Kevin confirms that these are known side effects. As an
added bonus, he can also hear all animals – so he starts arguing with a pigeon.

It gets more ridiculous from there – including Dean being
infatuated by a poodle. Inside Dean interviews several dogs – including one who
saw everything and will spill in exchange for a stomach rub from Sam. And calls
the monster a “total closet case.” Really, Supernatural?
They do learn that the sack the killer put the cats in (the ones he didn’t eat)
had the name of a local restaurant on it.

After releasing the rest of the dogs, it’s off to the restaurant – which is
closed (break in time). In the kitchen they find a picture of chef Leo (the
killer though they don’t know that), a whole lot of prescription medication
that’s commonly abused and a cage of mice begging to be helped before the chef
eats them. In the fridge there are lots of bits of animal viscera carefully
labelled and Sam finds a book on shamanism with instructions on how to eat a
bit of an animal – and then gain its abilities (hence the guy growing claws
after he ate a cat – it wasn’t snaky powers). He also has recipe cards for lots
of different combinations.

They hear a noise and go check it out – finding an
assistant chef and a waiter apparently the restaurant is shut for the chef
hosting a private dinner. Sam and Dean pose as health inspectors (despite their
clothes and lack of ID) and kick them both out, shutting down the kitchen. They
split up to search – and Sam gets his throat claws by Leo who has snacked down
on chameleon parts for perfect camouflage. Any other hunter may have bled to
death – but not Samkiel. The angel wakes up and heals the cuts before sinking
away again, leaving Sam confused, woozy but very not dead. Leo’s pretty shocked
as well – but also intrigued, he punches Sam and intends to make him lunch

He has Sam laid out on the slab – but there’s Dean to
deal with, and he’s eaten something that gives him sufficient reflexes to dodge
bullets (doesn’t improve his aim any, though). Manimal overwhelms Dean and ties
him up. Dean’s new doggy senses let him smell that Leo’s dying – stage 4
cancer; which is why he got into his little food-magic, they provide him with
temporary cures. He does blame some of his predatory behaviour on eating predators
– though he was always willing to kill to get his own way. Dean makes a weird
comment about emptiness in Leo’s life which doesn’t seem to match anything and,
for random reasons, Leo goes rooting through his animal supplies to find the
ideal thing to kill Dean. Note, this would be Dean that he already managed to
overwhelm and tie up – so quite why he needs a new cocktail is beyond me.

His playing with the wolf heart gives Dean chance to cut
through his bonds though. Dean runs outside, chased by wolf Leo, and calls a
whole pack of dogs he’s rescued who easily rip the man apart.

Dean runs to check on Sam, threatening to lick his face
when he doesn’t instantly wake up. Sam wakes up, Colonel gets farmed off on the
vegan bakery owners and the spell wears off. And Dean has to make more excuses
about Dean’s Ezekiel-ness and why Leo thought Sam wasn’t human.

I actually kind of love how Dean and Sam suspected the
dog. It seems silly but after what they’ve been through – including people
masquerading as family pets – why wouldn’t they be this paranoid? How can they
assume a dog is not the suspect?

So, Kevin is going to be used all episode as a resource
for research but is never actually going to be used on screen? I have to say,
I’m not seeing Dean’s epic speech being reflected in reality.

And we have some POC woo-woo – Inuit magic – drawn upon for, well, woo-woo.

Unfortunately this episode was meant to be funny and just
didn’t hit my humour at all. Supernatural can
actually do funny and silly kind of well – but watching Dean run around
with a series of cringeworthy antics doesn’t appeal

And, again, this season has barely started – especially since last episode was
a filler as well – I would say it’s a little soon to be derailed from the meta
– but beyond angels being about and Abbadon wandering around being evil there
isn’t much meta. Too soon! Establish some plot before giving us a break from
it!