Tag Archives: nurture

When you become a parent, an uncle or aunt, an older sibling, or some other big title, you are responsible for the welfare of that wonderful, new life. A couple of years ago my sister moved down from South Dakota with all three of her children and the moment I held my youngest niece was one of the most life changing experiences. I’d never known love like that before, and from then on I’ve accepted a type of responsibility for them that I always thought only parents felt.

What I remember from when I was a child was how every member of my family dressed me. I had several different styles, and it all depended on who I was spending time with. Sometimes I was cute, sometimes I was classy, sometimes I was casual. No matter the occasion, I wore some pretty interesting clothing. As time went on and I eventually started school, I also noticed dress codes. The older I got the more stricter they became until I was planning my outfits weekly so that I wouldn’t have to visit the dean every day. In high school I thought it was sad that you would sometimes look at an article of clothing and not be sure if the school would allow it.

Within the last week my eyes have opened to the questions of nurture and nature. What comes naturally versus what we’ve been taught. What my parents have said is okay versus what schools and other places have shamed me for, and what God says verses what society says.

“You can’t wear that because it’s too revealing” and “Do you really want the boys to look at you that way?” These are a couple of statements teachers, principles, guidance counselors, and others have said to me. In fact my favorite incident was during my junior year of high school at a dance where I was kissing my new boyfriend goodbye. A teacher outed me in front of the entire student body and told me that if I was going to “act” like a “ho” then I needed to at least not dress like one.

Another example were these skinny jeans that became popular at one point. They had these rips in them but the rips only showed skin if you physically separated the strings. All the girls who wore them were stopped in the hall and told that they were too revealing and forced to put duct tape over them even though they were harmless.

Society needs to stop teaching us that because we are woman we have no class. Because we aren’t virgins we have no worth, and because we show parts of our legs, arms and shoulders we dress like “ho’s” Society needs to stop teaching men that it’s up to woman to control their urges, that they can’t do it alone and if a female shows a little skin that it’s okay to do whatever you want to them because they are asking for it.

This sounds harsh but that’s exactly the impression that men are getting as they grow up, and from recent surveys and articles that I have read woman are now believing it as well. This is a problem because it has caused men to think that we are property to toss around which has caused us to react to men with the same treatment.

I’ve come to realize that men learn from woman and woman learn from men. Men treat woman the way woman treated them and vice versa. The problems that arise between the two sexes are behaviors that we have learned. So let’s stop sexualizing each other and start lifting each other up. Let’s teach the next generations class and respect and morality and not how to not dress like a prostitute and that you can’t control yourselves. Let’s stop degrading others and ourselves.

Even though we are both human, men and woman are two completely different species. We’re forced to live in this world together because we need each other. Not only for reproduction, but for love and friendship. Woman can do things that men can’t and men can do things that woman can’t. There’s a reason one can’t reproduce without the other, why men are physically stronger and why woman are more nurturing. Some of you can bring up the subject of artificial insemination, but that sperm came from somewhere. It’s like the saying, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” The answer in this instance is neither. They came together which means no one is above another.

God created Adam and gave him the Earth and knowledge so that he made teach Eve, whom He created next because He knew Adam needed her. They did not hate each other, they did not degrade each other, they did not hurt each other, Adam didn’t tell her that she wasn’t dressed appropriately and Eve didn’t tell him that it’s okay because he couldn’t contain himself. It wasn’t until Eve ate the fruit that all these thoughts and accusations started. It was a learned behavior. So let’s start speaking life.