The Winter's Tale
By
William Shakespeare
Act IV:
Scene 4

SERVANT.O master, if you did but hear the pedlar at the door, youwould never dance again after a tabor and pipe; no, the bagpipecould not move you: he sings several tunes faster than you'lltell money: he utters them as he had eaten ballads, and all men'sears grew to his tunes.

CLOWN.He could never come better: he shall come in. I love a balladbut even too well, if it be doleful matter merrily set down, ora very pleasant thing indeed and sung lamentably.

SERVANT.He hath songs for man or woman of all sizes; no milliner can sofit his customers with gloves: he has the prettiest love-songsfor maids; so without bawdry, which is strange; with suchdelicate burdens of 'dildos' and 'fadings', 'jump her and thumpher'; and where some stretch-mouth'd rascal would, as it were,mean mischief, and break a foul gap into the matter, he makes themaid to answer 'Whoop, do me no harm, good man', — puts him off,slights him, with 'Whoop, do me no harm, good man.'

POLIXENES.This is a brave fellow.

CLOWN.Believe me, thou talkest of an admirable conceited fellow.Has he any unbraided wares?

SERVANT.He hath ribbons of all the colours i' the rainbow; points, morethan all the lawyers in Bohemia can learnedly handle, thoughthey come to him by the gross; inkles, caddisses, cambrics,lawns; why he sings 'em over as they were gods or goddesses;you would think a smock were a she-angel, he so chants to thesleeve-hand and the work about the square on't.

CLOWN.Pr'ythee bring him in; and let him approach singing.

PERDITA.Forewarn him that he use no scurrilous words in his tunes.

[Exit SERVANT.]

CLOWN.You have of these pedlars that have more in them than you'dthink, sister.

PERDITA.Ay, good brother, or go about to think.

[Enter AUTOLYCUS, singing.]

AUTOLYCUS.Lawn as white as driven snow;Cypress black as e'er was crow;Gloves as sweet as damask-roses;Masks for faces and for noses;Bugle-bracelet, necklace amber,Perfume for a lady's chamber;Golden quoifs and stomachers,For my lads to give their dears;Pins and poking-sticks of steel,What maids lack from head to heel.Come, buy of me, come; come buy, come buy;Buy, lads, or else your lasses cry:Come, buy.

CLOWN.If I were not in love with Mopsa, thou shouldst take no moneyof me; but being enthralled as I am, it will also be thebondage of certain ribbons and gloves.

MOPSA.I was promis'd them against the feast; but they come not toolate now.

DORCAS.He hath promised you more than that, or there be liars.

MOPSA.He hath paid you all he promised you: may be he has paid youmore, — which will shame you to give him again.

CLOWN.Is there no manners left among maids? will they wear theirplackets where they should bear their faces? Is there notmilking-time, when you are going to bed, or kiln-hole, to whistleoff these secrets, but you must be tittle-tattling before all ourguests? 'tis well they are whispering. Clamour your tongues, andnot a word more.

MOPSA.I have done. Come, you promised me a tawdry lace, and a pairof sweet gloves.

CLOWN.Have I not told thee how I was cozened by the way, and lostall my money?

AUTOLYCUS.And indeed, sir, there are cozeners abroad; therefore itbehoves men to be wary.

CLOWN.Fear not thou, man; thou shalt lose nothing here.

AUTOLYCUS.I hope so, sir; for I have about me many parcels of charge.

CLOWN.What hast here? ballads?

MOPSA.Pray now, buy some: I love a ballad in print a-life; for thenwe are sure they are true.

AUTOLYCUS.Here's one to a very doleful tune. How a usurer's wife wasbrought to bed of twenty money-bags at a burden, and how shelong'd to eat adders' heads and toads carbonadoed.