We Speak Geek

James Trauben was loosed from his prison beneath the surface of New Jersey over two decades ago and exiled to California, lest he draw further strength from his native soil. Contained for a time within the eldritch halls of California State University Chico, he has emerged bearing a Bachelor's degree in History and an array of religious and philosophical trivia.
As the stars are unripe for his ascension, he makes ends meet as a technical writer and columnist/editor for Pixelated Geek.
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Year after year, Christmas season seems to lengthen, like the steady advance of a conquering empire. Someday, I’ve no doubt, it’ll begin in September. And then August. When will the madness end? Will we one day face a year composed solely of anxiously awaiting that one single glorious day? Will all other Holidays fall beneath the ravenous hordes of Santa’s bloodthirsty, glory-seeking elves?

Well, until they do, the ravenous commercial machine knows no respite. To that end, here are some goods to tide any of your friends over who need a few shiny baubles this coming holidays.

$9.99: Laboratory Beaker Mug from ThinkGeek

Mad science is awesome. This is a clinically proven fact. (With Science!) Unfortunately, ours is a mundane, humdrum world, one criminally devoid of opportunities to build our very own time-traveling death ray that also makes toast, or engineer a race of immortal cybernetic minions to conquer the earth and usher in a new world order. This cute little mug allows each and every one of us to live the dream, and when we raise the black, bitter nectar contained within to our lips for just a moment, we too can close our eyes and think of what might have been.

Also, it’s a cheap and affordable mug and serves as a nifty conversation piece.

$12.95 Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Do I seriously need to explain this? It’s a classic of Victorian-era English literature by Jane Austen, augmented for the critical “action-lover” crowd with the addition of everyone’s favorite shambling hordes of animalistic undead. I mean, come on. How can you say no?

Well, I suppose you can. But it’s such a goofy premise it might be worth a read.

$20-30: And Another Thing

Another book, I know. But this could be promising. A revival/continuation of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Series after Douglas Adams’ unfortunate death, it’s written by Eoin Colfer and could be quite funny.

$29.99: The Orange Box, on Steam

With five games in one, the Orange Box still has tremendous value. Between the darkly humorous Portal and Team Fortress 2, we have two games that continue to be enormously popular. Team Fortress 2 in particular has a devoted dev team who continue to make upgrades and have a great sense of kooky humor.

This is a great board game to play among your geeky friends on a Friday night. With a collection of distinct characters, an elegant and simple set of rules and mechanics, a sometimes-goofy series of events, and a menagerie of Lovecraftian horrors to destroy, it’s a great way to spend a couple hours and its relatively simple mechanics mean it can easily be added to or expanded if you really want to. Play it seriously as a horrific experience, or snicker at the frequently bizarre events that lead your party of hapless adventurers to their inevitable doom.

And yes, with the right character, you can punch out Cthulu. Heck, he’s not even the worst among your possible opponents.