The end of days - Anatomy of a punting apocalypse

Saturday was close to the worst day for punters in recent memory. It evolved from a simple bloodbath into a genuine fear that the world may be ending. This is how it happened.

13:50 AEST – Randwick – The first buds of spring expectation were deflated in The Highway. Hugh Bowman left his GPS in the jockeys’ room, leaving well-backed Pumpkin Pie to pick her own way through the pack. She failed. What about the other favourite, Suncraze? He missed by a pimple. F$$$k! Never mind, plenty of races to find a winner

Meanwhile, J H Bowman on Pumpkin Pie looks at the Iron George ride and says "Hold my beer." Supposed to be the best jock in the world! 😐

14:05 AEST – Caulfield - First signs of the coming apocalypse, well-backed Aloft ($4.20) sets a steady tempo in front in the Herbert Power, and then compounds to finish second last. Hmmm, is that a cloud on the horizon?

14:40 AEST – Caulfield – What were you doing 730 days ago? Well Fast ‘n‘ Rocking was winning. Hasn’t done a lot of it since, but thought he’d bob up on a major raceday and win the Weekend Hussler Stakes, knocking off the well-supported Religify. In the process becoming the fifth horse of the apocalypse.

you know when fast n rocking is beating you by a head it's not your day...

15:15 AEST – Caulfield – The punters were getting restless after a couple of strange results, but we were told Alizee was the rock upon which all future punting successes could be rebuilt. In Glyn we trusted. It was no surprise then that we were burnt. Aloisia, trained by a bloke who is more famous for preparing jumpers, won like a star. Alizee ground her way into third. Things were getting a little ominous.

15:50 AEST – Caulfield - The Heath was becoming a punting disaster zone, but surely Bonneval and Hartnell could give the punters some joy. At least Hartnell was ridden with some positivity, but he is not the horse he once was. Bonneval meanwhile, settled last and never threatened and pulled up like the rest of us, lame. Gailo Chop, who was third pick, led all the way. We began stockpiling canned food.

Bonneval not out there to win today. Otherwise known as giving it a Lloyd....#grandfinalnext

16:30 AEST – Caulfield – We’ve scoured Revelations for any mention of Mighty Boss but have come up blank. But there is mentions of earthquakes. Most of us didn’t even know he was in the field. Michael Walker’s ride was superb, but we were in no mood to appreciate such subtleties as he railed to gun down Kementari. Time to head for the shelter.

16:55 – Randwick – If anyone is going to save us from the apocalypse, surely it was Happy Clapper. But there was to be no divine intervention as some plugger called Classic Uniform decided to show a bit of courage and edge out Australia’s second greatest racehorse, who spent much of his racing afternoon planted out on Alison Rd. Thanks Blake Shinn.

17:30 – Randwick - By the end of the day, we were in full chaos mode. Cyril Small, racing’s answer to Monty Burns, was steering them home at Gold Coast and then in the last in Sydney, the favourite dropped the rider at the gate. To complete the farce Grand Condor saluted at $101. We don’t know exactly what Pestilence is, but we are pretty sure that Grand Condor is somehow involved.

Share your thoughts

I thought Redzel was pretty easy to find and I had that last one, Classic Uniform against Happy Clapper at 20/1 in the UK. I follow US racing as well as the big Australian carnivals and there was a pace angle in Happy Clappers race that suggested Classic Uniform was favoured on the day. Yee Haa