CEO: We’re doing a departmental review. I want to talk about the evolution of your
departments a little bit.

SVP: Sure.

CEO: I have it down here that your first department was
created in 1999, under the original moniker of Real Life Begins After High
School.

SVP: That’s right.

CEO: Then in 2004, your department was eliminated, only to
have it spring back up as Real Life Begins After College?

SVP: …yes…

CEO: And finally in 2009 it was again modified into Real
Life Begins After Law School.

SVP: (swallows hard) That’s correct.

CEO: I have some inter-office memos here that question your
department’s core function.

SVP: We exist to ease tension. We try to move the company in a positive
direction while milestones are reached.

CEO: Is that positive direction forward?

SVP: …

CEO: The issue has come to a my attention because
departments that almost never agree are unanimous in their request for your
department to be eliminated.

SVP: I think that’s a little unfair-

CEO: Love, Hope, & Other Troublesome Emotions has come together with Budget & Finance in their quest to end your department. They are joined by the entirety of floors 7 through 27.

SVP: What? Why?

CEO: Complaints include that you delay the maturation
process needlessly. That you build a
cocoon of apathy within the company by convincing various departments that what
is happening in the present is of little to no consequence.

SVP: Our mission statement is to reduce stress by focusing
on the next milestone of life, and in doing so to increase care-free enjoyment
of “the now.”

CEO: First of all, I hate mission statements. Second, your focus on care-free enjoyment
seems to have single-handedly caused a massive backslide during the collegiate
years in the areas of problem-solving, planning for the future, and
understanding that actions have consequences.

SVP: All I do is give advice to other departments based on
my department’s set goals.

CEO: Not anymore.

SVP: What?

CEO: We’re letting you go.

SVP: Now?! I’m in the
middle of revamping my department for a Real Life Starts After Fatherhood
campaign.

CEO: Yes, I know. The
problem is that unlike your previous efforts, instead of having a ridiculously
over-priced piece of paper at the end of the campaign, we’re going to have a
baby on our hands. Something that your
department is woefully unequipped to handle.

SVP: Who’s going to run the Fatherhood department?!

CEO: The corporate timeline has a baby planned for sometime
in 2015, plenty of time to interview qualified candidates. We hope to hire from within, but will also be
meeting with outside candidates. We will consult with our “Brother Companies” who have handled the addition of
a Fatherhood Department before.

SVP: But, I had so many plans…

CEO: I am tragically aware. I
have a document created at your work station that plans a transition from Real Life
Begins After Fatherhood to Real Life Begins After Retirement. You’re aware that this plan would result in an
automatonic shell of an existence that would span decades.