Wily's Warriors - Season 2 - And Now For Something Completely Random...

by Darksage

Starnik as
Quick Man

Darksage as
Crash Man

Ben as Heat
Man

Cyros as
Flash Man

Cinder as
Bubble Man

Naoshi as
Metal Man

Shadowstrike
as Air Man

Iga as Wood
Man

Narrator: Somewhere in the darkest confines of Skull Castle lies the mysterious "Secret Lab" of Dr. Wily. It is said to be the home of some of his most diabolical, but failed, experiments. Only those brave and cunning enough have ever been able to find it.

Naoshi: Sweet, the secret lab. I found it finally, now to score some loot!

Narrator: Or maybe it’s the ones who are neurotic and stupid. Oh well, I’m out of here! *leaves the ep*

(Naoshi looks up at a gleaming light shining on a pedestal holding a jar on it)

Naoshi: Oooo…shiny…

(Metal Man approaches the pedestal, looking at the jar.)

Naoshi: It looks like a pair of hands in there. I don’t need them but I need a souvenir, plus the jar is shiny! *picks up the jar* Mine, all mine!(As the jar is picked up, the pedestal lowered into the ground, followed by a rumbling behind Naoshi)

Naoshi: A GIANT STONE BALL! I’m not sure, but I think I should run.

(Queue the Indiana Jones theme song, played on kazoos)

Naoshi: *running down the corridor* AAAhhh!

(He runs past the narrow hall, swings over a pit of alligators, and jumps over a wall of Legos, with the ball in tow)

Naoshi: Finally, there is the end. *slides under a narrow closing passage, gets to the doorway* Yes, I avoided the traps, who’s the man? Who’s the *gets smashed in the head by two swinging stumps* Ouchies…*dies*

(as Naoshi falls to the ground, the jar goes flying into the air…)

Shadowstrike: I’m telling you Sage, you should really talk Wily into giving you some hands.

Darksage: First off, I hate talking to Wily. Secondly, I’m doing just fine without them. Thirdly, I don’t feel like wasting our only off day this year talking about this.

Shadowstrike: I know and it scares the heck out of me. You can drive, open doors, give us high fives, and other things. How can you do it without hands?

Cyros: I have an opinion.

Shadowstrike: *Covering his face with his hand* I’m going to regret this, but what?

Cyros: We should take out Wily’s jet and go on a Pokemon hunt!

Shadowstrike: For the last time, shut up about Pokemon or I’ll shove a Pikachu up your ass.

Cyros: You have a Pikachu? GIMME!

Shadowstrike: Knock it off crazy lady, it was a joke!

Cyros: Don’t call me that!

Darksage: *shakes his head* Whatever. Still, even if I wanted hands, it’s not like they’re going to fall out of the sky.

(Falling out of the sky, the jar containing the hands lands in Darksage’s arms)

Darksage: Wow that was coincidental.

Cyros: Let me try something. IT’S NOT LIKE POKEMON ARE GOING TO FALL OUT OF THE SKY! *holds his arms out*

Shadowstrike: *hits Cyros in the head* Don’t be a moron. Anyway, where did those hands come from?

(Everyone looks behind them as Naoshi’s limp body falls out of the doorway)

Darksage: That answers that. It looks like he died again.

Shadowstrike: What else is new? Cyros, it’s your turn.

Cyros: *sighs* Fine, I’ll press the button.

(Cyros goes to a nearby wall and presses the M.E.R.A.B., the Metalman Emergency Repair Assistance Button)

Shadowstrike: At least Wily installed that for us. I’ve been getting sick of hauling his carcass back to Wily on my own.

Cyros: Why do you think every time I do something it has to do with Pokemon? I do more than chase after pocket monsters.

Cinder: All right, I’m sorry Cy.

Cyros: Thank you.

Cinder: So, what were you doing?

Cyros: I was looking for Cactuar!

Cinder: I GIVE UP!

Cyros: Hey, it wasn’t Pokemon!

Shadowstrike: Quiet. Hey, what is this meeting about anyway?

Iga: I don’t know. Bass just said Dr. Wily wanted us all here, so here we are. Now we just need Sage, Naoshi, and Ben.

Shadowstrike: Well, Wily might as well start. Darksage is still out somewhere scamming with his new hands, Naoshi is getting repaired AGAIN, and Ben is out cold and drunk in his lab. So it’s the usual. Hey, where’s Starnik?

Cinder: Over there. *points at the TV*

Starnik: *drooling while watching Law & Order*

Dr. Wily: *standing with Bass* Attention my warriors!

(Everyone turns there attention to Wily, except Starnik, who’s still in a zombie-like trance by the television)

Dr. Wily: Two announcements. First, I have repaired Metalman.

(Naoshi walks in, licking a lollipop he got from the doctor)

Dr. Wily: I’m only going to say this once, STOP KILLING METALMAN!

Shadowstrike: We don’t kill him, he usually kills himself.

Dr. Wily: Oh, never mind then. I guess I should have increased Metalman’s intelligence instead of his obedience when I reprogrammed him.

Naoshi: *Ignoring Wily as he licks his sucker*

Cyros: So, what else do you want to tell us?

Bass: Silence fool! Let the doctor speak. *turns to Wily* So, doc, what do you want to tell them?

Dr. Wily: Earlier today, someone broke into my main office and turned all my notes into paper airplanes, and even set some on fire.

Shadowstrike: I know we usually lie to you, but it wasn’t us.

Iga: Yes, and you know I’d never send any paper product to its doom.

Dr. Wily: I know it wasn’t you, you imbeciles. I programmed your hands, even Quickman’s and Heatman’s, not to touch the doorknob. If you did, an alarm would have sounded.

Shadowstrike: So, then, we should care, why?

Dr. Wily: You should because your mission for tomorrow is to find the intruder that did it and you have all day tomorrow to find them, or else.

Cinder: Else what?

Dr. Wily: Or else I will reprogram all of you!

Shadowstrike: Like he said, or else what?

Iga: We’re so bored here it doesn’t matter anymore.

Dr. Wily: Okay, well... *spots Starnik by the TV* Well, then I will cancel the satellite TV subscription!

(Everyone’s attention is suddenly moved to the flash that came from the couch towards the television)

Starnik: Thanks to the marvels of television, I now am full of the knowledge of the greatest detective of all time!

Cyros: You’re full of something, but it ain’t knowledge!

Starnik: *turns to Shadowstrike* One second.

(In a blur of speed, Quickman goes behind Flashman and back within a fraction of a second)

Starnik: Okay, where was I?

Shadowstrike: Well I-hey, what happened to your pipe?

Starnik: I put it to good use.

Cyros: *walking funny* I feel strange… *farts bubbles*

Shadowstrike: YAY!

Starnik: Anyway, I spent all night watching the marathon on channel 432, so now I know everything about detective work.

Shadowstrike: Did you say 432? *picks up and reads The Channel Guide*

Cyros: *pulls the pipe out of his ass* So how the hell is that going to help us?

Starnik: My dear boy, I now know everything from…

Shadowstrike: The Erotic Advetures of Sherlock Holmes?! You watched the Sugar and Spice Network?!

Starnik: Hey, it will help, trust me. So, if I remember right, the first place to look for evidence is the panty drawer.

Cyros: This is insane.

Shadowstrike: Uh, guys, maybe it’s just me, or if we had an intruder wouldn’t they try to leave the base?

Starnik: I thought of the theory too, but it seems the base is on total lock down.

Shadowstrike: Even the jet hanger?

Starnik: I thought of everything. Wait, I have an idea, let’s check the jet hanger since it’s not in the lockdown! *goes off*

Cyros: Is he getting more annoying than Naoshi or am I crazy.

Shadowstrike: Yep, but you are right about the annoying part. *goes after Stanik*

Cyros: Heh, I guess I am the voice of…HEY! *follows Shadowstrike*

*Meanwhile, hiding behind the couch in the lounge…*

Naoshi: Yes, no one can help you in the hanger Airman. I will get my revenge on you for killing me…multiple times…again and again… Oh well. Hm hm hm hm…heheheheh…HAHAHAHAHAHA BLAHHHKKKKKK!!! I think I swallowed a bug! *heads out*

Minutes later at the hanger…

(Starnik, Shadowstrike, and Cyros arrive, looking at the jet which is now covered in graffiti)

Starnik: *still dressed as Sherlock* I guess there might be some clues here.

Shadowstrike: No $#!% Sherlock.

Starnik: Hey, I’m the one conducting this investigation, so give me some slack.

Shadowstrike: I give up. *Sees Cyros in the jet* Now what the hell are you doing?

Cyros: I was thinking about taking the jet to get washed...and go to France!

Shadowstrike: Let me get this straight: there is an intruder in the base, two rooms so far have been trashed, and Wily is threatening to take away TV privileges, AND YOU WANT TO GO TO FRANCE?!