observations from the final days of a decaying species and environment

Monday, April 03, 2006

WHAT I DON'T SELL, I BURN

I'm moving out of my place and in with JS. She has a small one bedroom condo.

My landlord has increased my rent to $860 and has some new bullshit deal where they're charging for heat also... $42 a month extra for my unit. That's $900 dude. They're also renovating the place, so my sister isn't going to take it. It would be her living amongst plaster and dust for six weeks (plus $900 a month base), so she said "no".

So, I'll be taking my $800 security deposit back and putting shit in storage for $50 a month. Not so bad.

I can't wait for it to warm up to a more consistant level because when it does I'm having a yard sale and selling off half of my shit. I may even have a lemonade stand.

I'm going to strategically place signs near the L stops at montrose and at damen and then up in Lincoln Square that reads "WHAT I DON'T SELL, I BURN"

Up for sale/to burn:1. 20" TV from the 1980's. Includes a Darth Maul sticker.

2. A VHS VCR from about 1986.

3. A sleeper couch the weighs in at around 115 lbs.

4. A computer desk that I bought at a yard sale 2 years ago.

5. A grocery bag full of PLAYBOYS (I might be too embarrassed to actually try to sell those... I may just write "playboys" on a bag and leave them outside... last time I did that the bag was gone in under an hour).

6. Queen-sized mattress and box spring (never mind the dried blood stains)... who the fuck buys a used mattress anyways? This one will be a good start for the alleyway bonfire. I hope nobody buys it. Perhaps I'll drown a tree rat or two in kerosene to spark the flames.

7. A microwave oven with a sticker that says "New Order: Republic. Summer of '93. 93XRT." This oven has followed me around for 13 years and over 10 residences. I hope that the sticker doesn't give away its age... that sort of thing tends to automatically lower sales prices.

8. About 6 winter coats.

9. Lots and lots of clothes from the '90's (grunge still rocks!!)

I'll have a wednesday night blow out at some point in may that you'll have to attend. I have to party there one last time before I pay some immigrants $100 to clean the place.