Upon hearing of the king’s tragic death at only age 90, he praised him as a leader who was “always candid and had the courage of his convictions,” while Secretary of State John Kerry called him “a man of wisdom and vision.”

The King reportedly hated Obama so I’m putting that in the plus column for him.

Since all you have to do is write an essay to get scholarship money, I’ve decided to write an essay which I will let my readers preview here.

My essay is titled, Je Suis King Abdullah.

Outside of the 60 or so beheadings a year, the floggings, the abuse of women and gays, King Abdullah was a peach.

His record on LGBT rights is stellar! Homosexuality is a mostly taboo subject in Saudi Arabian society and is punished with imprisonment, fines, corporal punishment, capital punishment, whipping/flogging, and chemical castrations. Transgenderism is generally associated with homosexuality. However, his government generally leaves them alone, they just don’t have any rights.

Five gay men who organized a gay men’s beauty contest in 2005 disappeared and were never heard from again.

The Committee for Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice metes out the lashes, jail sentences and disappearances. They only hang gays when they commit some other crime.

King Abdullah was a good representative of the moderate Muslim and had nothing to do with the 9-11 hijackers.

King Abdullah was a kindred spirit all Americans can relate to. He was a family man. Reportedly, he has no more than 4 wives at a time for about a total of 30. He had the quaint practice of marrying the widows and daughters of defeated enemies. He has about 15 to 35 sons and 20 daughters (he’s very secretive), something like that, and not one, NOT ONE is on welfare or collects food stamps.

The International Business Times wrote an article titled “Late Saudi King Abdullah Leaves (Relative) Legacy As Women’s Rights Advocate”. They must have access to some hashish.

Another headline read it was the “Golden Age” for women under Abdullah.

Women in Saudi Arabia have to wear a long black cloak, called an abaya, cover their hair and, in some regions, conceal their faces while in public and women with tempting eyes have to cover those up too.

The king has four of his daughters drugged, starved, and locked up for 13 years in a rundown palace for speaking out about women’s rights. No doubt they deserve it because he was a man of remarkable character.

Watch:

He should be recognized for his promotion of driver’s education for women. Oh, wait, scratch that, if they drove, they were thrown in prison.

He opened up some doors for women and gave them the right to vote as well as go to school abroad, run for office, and take jobs as supermarket checkout girls, but they can’t do any of that without permission of the male guardian – a husband, father, brother or son. Women are never free of men. They’re more like property or children but children aren’t treated all that well either.

The NY Times said that King Abdullah ‘nudged’ Saudi Arabia forward. It was the ‘nudge’ heard ’round the world.

Then there were his efforts to drive U.S. oil companies out of business. The Occupiers and environazis appreciate that.

He knew how to handle bloggers. Getting 10 to 15 years in jail and 1,000 lashes is certainly fair for criticizing the clerics. His creative use of crimes like “breaking allegiance with the ruler” and “setting up an unlicensed organization” works so well in putting just about every dissenter in jail.

King Abdullah improved the treatment of migrant workers except when he was having them arrested and deported.

While the judicial system is medieval, brutal and unfair, it could be worse.

Saudi Text On How To Sever the Hand or Foot of a Thief

He is very religious and promotes his religion with great zeal. His textbooks promote religious hatred towards anyone, including Muslims, who is not a Wahhabi to ensure that all the children grow up just as religious as he was.

Any Christian anything is of course banned, even if it’s at the American Embassy. Judaism is treated much the same way though they hold a special hatred for them.

He was so religious that he funded radical mosques here in the states.

You might remember the Khobar Towers attack by al-Qaeda. A truck-bomb was detonated adjacent to Building #131, an eight-story structure housing United States Air Force personnel from the 4404th Wing (Provisional), primarily from a deployed rescue squadron and deployed fighter squadron. In all, 19 U.S. servicemen were killed and 498 of many nationalities were wounded. The King wouldn’t let us investigate but he was a man of great character so I’m sure he took care of it.

There is no freedom of speech, religion, no privacy rights, women are chattel, gays and cross dressers are executed if they commit one other transgression, they can be arrested at any moment on any trumped up charge if the judges, the police or the King say so but what makes him so remarkable and such a man of character is that the guy before him was even worse.

President Obama thought so much of King Abdullah that he bowed down to him and that’s good enough for me. Barack said he didn’t bow to him after a hullabaloo here in the states but I’ll let you decide that one.

In closing, the man was a great nudger and nudged his kingdom out of the year 600 into the year 700.

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