Illustrated Guide: 10 Things You Need To Know About Prom (From Someone Who Never Went)

Prom is a formal event for high school students that takes place near the end of senior year… but it’s so much more than that. Prom is also a very important event in a young woman’s life. You might say it’s the most important thing she ever does (besides get married, obviously).

Here’s a true testament to the massive significance of prom: I know everything about it and I didn’t even go*. Prom’s influence is so far-reaching, so pervasive, so unquantifiable that I know pretty much all there is to know about it, thanks to pop culture. Here, I’ve helpfully narrowed down the 10 most important things about prom in one helpful Illustrated Guide.

*Rather, I didn’t have one, because I was a home schooler. Don’t act surprised.

(A note on that Latin: No, it is not proper Latin. It’s actually flat-out incorrect. But it is from Event Horizon.)

I lost my virginity to my (future) husband at prom while getting crowned Prom Queen after a popular guy made a bet to make me cool. True story.

Jennifer Wright

SAVE YOURSELF FROM HELL!

CORNELIA ET FLAVIA SUB ARBORE SEDET ET LEGIT!

Kaaaat

RAEDA IN FOSSA EST!

Tania

I didn’t go to prom. No one I knew was going, and I didn’t want to go alone.

It’s not as big a thing in Canada, I don’t think.

Liane

Same here. I didn’t go to prom. And I’m Canadian.

MR

Your ‘If you have glasses, take them off.’ sketch is very funny. I just looked at Jennifer’s latin. That’s not something to do with Cornelia in Brideshead? I have this memory she was always saying latin phrases. did learn to read and speak brasilian portuguese the summer I lived there, and I see the written language is much closer to latin than spanish is.

MR

PS. Yep I was wrong, it was Cordelia not Cornelia.

anna

i didn’t go to prom. i skipped it, then snuck out that night and had sex with my boyfriend in an abandoned building, got caught coming back in and was grounded for the first and only time in my life. all 2 weeks before my 18th birthday.should have gone to prom.