Just Saying

Sunday, 31 March 2013

Never Together... Never Apart - Part-6

Why it has called a ‘Long distance Relationship’? Distances are not
measure in miles; they are measured in the closeness of hearts.

*****

Initially, distances brought us together. They worked as a wooden
bridge over the two sides of river. The bridge, which was connecting the
two sides, Samar and me. We were together on calls all day. Our unnamed
love story switched from face-to-face to facebook again.

One can feel the fever of Long distance relationships when one starts
to search for a cheapest STD plan for your cell phone and then one
realizes that unlimited talk time plan is the suitable one. So was in
our case. I could talk to him for infinite hours. Firstly, we used to
talk until our balance exhausts but then we preferred the unlimited
plan.

I had so much to tell, so much to share. Eventually,
unlimited phone calls brought us together. His departure created a big
empty space and to fill that place, he was always there on phone calls,
text messages, and Facebook (after utilizing those 100 sms/day).
His care increased. He used to call me every night to make sure that I
reached home safely. His overwhelming care forced me to miss him even
more and vice-versa. I missed him the very next moment he detached
himself from our last hug. My heart was still holding the memories, the
fragrance of that precious moment. I wished to stay in his arms. That
was the only place where I felt safe and secure.

We came
closer. Long distance relationships are indeed the best one to hold. No
physical touch, just a touch of souls with each other. Our relationship
connected with the strongest thread of trust between our two hearts.
Every day I wished to see him around; irritating me, listening to my
never ending talks, Every night I wished to sleep in his warm embrace.

We used to talk to each other until one doze-off to sleep. It didn’t
matter whether it was 2 am, 3 am, 4 am or even 5 am. I spent several
sleepless nights with Samar on cell phone calls. My phone used to be
either on my ears or on charging. Cell phone was the only link that
could keep us together all day long.

“Had dinner?” Samar
asked softly. He was hell tired yet he cared to call me. It was his
routine and he never missed a single day to make me feel his love and
care. I was falling deeply in his immortal love. For no reason, for no
expectation… just for a moment; just for the present. The love wasn’t
with the expectations, It was filled with the nature of devotion. We
never asked each other to love, we just devoted our heart.

“Yes” I replied and then our useless crap talks began.

Six more months flew by and we were yet stuck over our unnamed
relation. We still contradicted each other. When we are not together, we
miss each other and we are together, we are busy arguing over some or
the other topic. I had realized that we were awesome as friends but we
won’t be the same as lovers because the priorities change, care changes,
responsibility over takes and we were not compatible enough to handle
each other in the tag called love.

Sometimes, I used to feel
as if I was going crazy behind him. I used to crave for his sight, I
used to crave to listen to his husky voice and to feel his silky touch. I
knew I was in love with Samar but as it is said sometimes your heart
needs more time to accept few things which your mind already knows, same
way, my heart was not ready to accept that we can never be together. I
never had the guts to ask Samar whether he felt the same for me or not,
maybe he did, maybe not.

After few days, Samar busied himself.
I had a strong feeling that he did that deliberately. He started
creating a distance between us. No message for entire day, just a few
minutes call at nights he used to prefer. I was experiencing an all new
Samar. I had no idea what was going wrong. I feared was he in
relationship back there in his city and that was the reason behind his
changed attitude. My heart felt trashed and crapped in no time. I could
not take this anymore, so one fine day, I decided to confront Samar for his strange behavior towards me.

“Samar, why are you creating distance between us? Why are you going away from me” I asked as I silently sobbed under my breath.

“I have my reasons” he said firmly.

“And what are they?” I continued.

“Can’t you see that….” He continued..

He gave me his reason. A reason which took my breath away, a reason
that gave me millions reasons to live but that reason filled my heart
with sorrows as well. I did not know whether to pull him towards me and
make him all mine for all my life or to end the call right then and
promise to never contact him ever… his reason had left me in dilemma
with these two choices, which could either change my life to best or
would change to worst…

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