Writing it out, one blog at a time.

The Clock Is Still Ticking : Time Isn’t Waiting For You

I used to beg him for his time. It was pathetic, really. It was as if he was the only person in my life, and I had to convince him that he wanted to spend time with me. I had to constantly beg for a bit of his time, which he mostly gave to his friends. I was naïve to the fact that I was going down such an unhealthy road. After all, why should you have to convince someone, that says they love you, to give a bit of their time to you? You shouldn’t. At all. I was just too needy, or too blind, to change the situation. Classic case of co-dependency, I’m sure.

Well, time has passed on, and several things have changed in our lives. I gave up on begging for time. I’ve long since realized that I don’t have to beg anyone to share time with me that they don’t willingly want to give. That doesn’t mean that the sting isn’t still there when I realize I have compromised so much of my time, for a person that wont willingly give much of theirs to me. It is even harder for me to fathom how a person won’t compromise any of their time for their own children. How can there be so much in life to do, that there just isn’t any time to give to your family? Why must we wait, and put our time on hold, waiting for the chance that you have made time for us?

So, we stopped waiting. The kids and I took a trip out of town for the whole day last weekend. Sure, I had stuff at home to do, but this was time most needed. And we had a really fun day. We got home, and he said he was jealous that he couldn’t come with us, but he could have….. I come home from work and spend time with the kids, do the normal household chores, etc. And when the kids ask if he wants to play a game, or go to a movie, or some other time spending activity, the answer is always the same. “I can’t, I have so much to do. One day I won’t be so busy.”

But the crazy thing that I cannot understand is that, when one day comes, how can’t he see it will be too late!? Time is ticking by! Time doesn’t stop and wait for you to be ready, the clock ticks on. The kids are growing up, and we are growing apart. When the one day comes that you will have time, we won’t have the time to give anymore. The kids are growing up with this notion that dad is too busy for them, and I overcompensate my time to try to make up for it. I am not begging for his time for me anymore, but plead on their parts for him to spare the time. I try to stay positive, and not act disgruntled, but it seems to be getting harder. And all the while, I cannot help but believe that, if would have been a little stronger in the past, this would not be how my children view the importance of family time today.

Maybe it is just a sign of the times today. Everyone is so busy anymore, but time with your children is something you only get one shot at. And I believe that the time you put in with them when they are young, shapes how the future will go. Not only how their relationship will be with you, but how they will end up viewing the importance of time with their own families. Time is so precious. Some people get a lot of time in their lives, while others just get a short while. You never know which side you will land on, so you have to make good use of the time you are given. The clock is still ticking. Time is not waiting for you.

I am the "little armored one", moving gently through life. Hoping to safeguard my sensitivities with layers of words and the expression of thought. Shielding my mirror neurons at times, or tasting music and spinning till I'm dizzy. Every moment here is a gift.