16 month old who wont be distracted

06-22-2010, 09:42 PM

My son is 16 months and loves pushing the limits. His newest thing is trying to get out on to the road when we are playing outside. Each time her does it I take him off the road (or if I stop him first) I tell him the road is dangerous and he could get hurt or simply say "danger". I have tried distracting him, but once he has his mind set on something there is no distraction great enough. I have tried telling him if he goes on the road we have to go play inside and have done so, but the next time he is outside he still tries the road. Any suggestions???

I know what you mean! At 16 months, he is hard-wired to explore his surroundings. Although, it's not so much about "pushing the limits" (which has a negative connotation), as it is about simply needing to explore and experience everything!

I tell him the road is dangerous and he could get hurt or simply say "danger".

I like the second one better, just saying "danger". His brain is too immature to comprehend any lengthy explanations or rationalizations. He probably doesn't understand "danger" either, but it does make us feel better to be able to say something in these kinds of situations! Saying nothing works great, too...just continue to prevent him from going in the street.

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I was hoping for something more concrete as a way to stop him but I think deep down that was the answer I knew I would get lol! Im just worried hes gonna run for the road at the wrong time. Diligence is key I guess!!! Thanks for the support though..its hard to keep saying something that doesnt have immediate results but I will in time Im sure!

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I know, it's hard when we just want someone to give us The Answer to our problem! 16 months is a really hard age, because he's just not capable of any kind of logical thinking, yet capable enough to move around quite well. So the concrete way to get him to stop is: you stop him. That's how you know he won't run into the road at the wrong time. When you're in a situation in which you're outside and there's a road close by, you're there with his every step. You're there to physically move him away from the road. And if that's too tiring or annoying after a while (because let's face it, it is! ) then you go somewhere else.

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I've always focused on how to make a situation safe. Clearly, you have to stop him if he runs into the road. But that's a great time to model safe behavior around the street. My children have ALL tested this limit as young toddlers. It's normal and, as Kelly said, exactly what they should be doing. What's worked for my toddler (and for her older sibs) - when she runs toward the street, I stop her, usually by picking her up (and of course I'm right there, so she can't get far, right ). This is a game and is great fun, so if that's all I do, even saying "Danger" or whatever, even if I use a stern voice and mad face, she will repeat as long as we're outside. So I then remind her "We cross the street safely. Do you want to go across the street?" Of course she does! So we stand on the sidewalk, I remind her she has to hold an adult's hand, we practice looking both ways for "moving cars" then we walk across. This is also a fun game, and she will repeat as often as I can tolerate, but she's learning safe behavior while we're doing it, so it's positive! We have done this with our toddler since she could walk and now, at 19 months, she will grab my hand and pull me when she wants to go into the street. . .usually

I think a lot of the repeated behaviors that drive us nuts stem out of two drives. If we're honoring our children and minimizing the number of "no's" in their environment, then more often than not it's a way to seek our attention. That doesn't mean it's bad; more than likely, the child is being smarter than the parent & telling us we've been on the phone too long, or spent too much time on email, or are focusing too much on making the house look perfect and not on the needs of the little person in our lives. Honoring that usually means teaching them how to perform the behavior safely (even if we know they aren't physically or mentally capable of doing it withouth adult supervision for years, they can still practice, and sometimes they surprise us and really are ready for something) and giving them what they really are asking for - our attention. If there are a lot of "no's" in a child's life, then they may simply be trying to assert their natural curiousity, and in that case are telling us we need to work on making a "yes" environment.

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It IS really hard, because they're mobile and want to start trying out separating from Mom, but still don't have the judgement to be safe alone. But I love it! They are so excited about their worlds. They are finally able to explore on THEIR terms. You can almost watch the brain growth that's happening as they explore. I think there's a book called "The Scientist in the Crib" or something like that. I often think about that when playing with a toddler - they are little scientists testing everything. They don't accept someone's else's word for it, they want to know by experiencing it.

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Ya we have been doing the "safely" crossing the road thing now and I will admit at 17 months now he isnt running for the road very often...or he will run to it and stop before going on it atleast. We rent and dont have a fenced yard(and its a side lots so the road is everywhere) but he is getting better.

I am trying SO hard not to say "no" to him when possible and to use other words if I do need to express that he shouldnt do something...but its HARD!!!! When your kid goes to run out on the road your 1st instinct is to say no. My husband and I sometimes have to remind ourselves to use more positive wording and some nights after the baby goes to bed we talk about what we can say in different situations...I honestly think positive discipline is the hardest part of AP because most people are so programmed to be negative!