In Love and Relationship, Truth is Not About "The Facts"

by Chelsey Johnson Nov 13, 2015

In our Western culture, facts rule. They are evidence, and evidence is the foundation of any argument, point, or truth. Evidence is what we use to make a judgment of what is right and what is wrong.

But we all have things in our lives that we know, that we feel, that are counter to the facts available to us. A hunch, an inkling, an unwillingness to fully accept something that feels off.

Our intuition doesn't run on facts. It filters through its own systems, ones that are not rational, but rather, intelligent. Intuition is discerning.

When we use the "facts" of reality to defend ourselves against an inner truth, we sit in a prison of incongruence.

I sat in that prison for a long time - most of my life actually. See, the benefit of relying on facts is that I am not responsible for my own decisions. Evidence is the deciding factor; I let the outer world dictate what I choose, and I don't have to be responsible for the outcome. The only kicker is, when I make an externally-based decision to say yes or no, to end or continue a relationship, and I do it at the expense of listening to my gut, it's guaranteed to backfire.

...Like when I kept dating that guy after I suspected dishonesty (and we ended in a fiery ball of cheating flames)

...And when I went away to school even though I wanted to stay for him (and lived on the phone, or commuting SF to LA for two years)

...Or when I didn't say stop when I wanted to (and the condom broke)

The benefit of all those choices was that I didn't have to say, "I'm choosing this because I want to." Just thinking those words made me nauseous.

Instead, I had REAL reasons. I was choosing based on what I could justify. I was more worried about what other people thought than staying true to myself.

When I came to OM, I realized that I couldn't fake it anymore. Orgasm can't be faked. I had to accept that truth isn't what I or anyone else thinks; truth is the thing that I feel in my body and my bones. I couldn't abandon my intuition anymore without immediate and direct consequences. The cost of a life lived for other people's approval was actually MY LIFE.

In my current relationship, I have taken on a practice of making my own decisions, with my own discernment, instead of projected judgment. It is probably the most important thing I've ever done.

When, early on, he stopped communicating, evidence would have suggested he didn't want me and I should let it go. Instead of nursing my wounded ego, I felt into my own desire. I texted him bunny .gifs and emoji poems, told him I still wanted him, pushed him to show up, told him how it felt to be ignored. I made it clear that he could come back in when he'd worked out his fears. He did, and I was stronger than I'd ever been.

Later, when he suggested we go without a labeled relationship to face our conditioning, I agreed. I let go of the title of girlfriend, and didn't take it to mean we were breaking up. Despite the paroxysm it gave my circle of female friends, I knew in my gut that we weren't done, but investigating an even more challenging territory together, and that this was a fear to lean into. Now, instead of my teenage dream boyfriend, he's my partner.

As we enter this new phase of building a life together, I am reminded of my power of discernment. I can feel what is, and I don't need anyone to agree with me in order to follow my heart. The real truth, the spiritual truth, is that I can listen to my desire and my fear.