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Your Profile Photos – Should You Be Sexy?

Grant Langston - Senior Director, Content

January 3, 2011

When you come to an online dating site you’re, clearly, hoping to meet people. The nature of the system, in a manner of speaking, can put you in competition with other people who are also trying to meet people. There’s no avoiding that.

The question is what types of activity make you seem interesting and unique, and what types make you seem desperate and of questionable taste?

No place is this better illustrated than your profile photos. Many of us have considered how we might make ourselves more unique and interesting by way of our profile photos. Some people stand in water fountains. Some people jump out of airplanes. Some people try to appear sexy.

In this article we’re going to consider the idea of turning up the sex appeal in your photos. Is it a good idea? Does it depend on how attractive you are? Where is the limit?

The Short Answer

The quick answer to the question “Should Your Profile Photos be Sexy?” is “Of course.” The more complete answer is “Of course, your profile photos should be sexy in a soft-spoken, adult way.” But “soft-spoken and adult” aren’t those subjective words?

Yes and No. Let’s start with the idea that THIS is a sexy photo.

You see, being sexy or projecting sex appeal is about looking happy, looking nice, being at ease, and being well photographed. It isn’t about trying too hard. We see lots of examples out in the world of professional beautiful people presenting sex appeal with push-up bras and skin tight tank tops. That can be sexy in a fashion magazine, but very, very few people are attractive enough to pull that off, and an online dating profile is the wrong venue for such photos.

Let the natural chemical attraction that brings people together work for you. I’ve heard many men say, “I don’t understand why women are attracted to us.” Of course, you don’t. You’re a heterosexual man. But straight women are attracted to men because they are designed to be attracted to men. As a man you don’t have to try and gin up some sort of artificial sex appeal. Look happy, clean, and confident in your photos and let the natural attraction do its work.

Are You Sexy? Of course you are!

Many many people are convinced that they have no sex appeal. This is certainly reinforced by a media culture that considers anyone over 35 old and boring. The lesson we learn based on hearing this message in a million subtle ways is that if you try to be sexy past 35 you will make a fool of yourself. This is ridiculous.

The list of people who are older, not classically beautiful and sexy is long and distinguished. Most of these people do have a few things going for them.

They are confident.

They know what kind of clothes compliment their assets.

They insist on great, flattering photos.

Regardless of your age and self-concept, these are things that you can do. Don’t be scared to talk to someone about this. If you’re a 60-year-old man who has never thought about looking sexy, reach out for advice. Explain your situation to a 30-year-old woman (daughter, friend, co-worker) and ask for guidance.

What if you are a fireball of sexuality?

It is true. In any large population of people you’re going to have a few women and men who are truly and dramatically sexy. Should those people work to downplay this element of who they are?

Feel free to be yourself. If you dress in an ostentatious manner as a daily habit, by all means use that in your photos. It is important for your matches to know what they are going to see on a date with you. What you don’t want to do is to play it up for these photos. You don’t want to go out and buy a skimpy dress or wear a skin tight shirt because you think it will help you get more dates. Even though you’re very attractive pushing your posing and clothing to a certain limit is going to turn off lots of people. We like the word “subtle”. If you’re very attractive that is going to shine through without extra work from you.