Wow this was incredible. I loved it, and thought this was a good insight on to how Remus felt when coming back to Hogwarts. My favorite part has got to be when he goes into the room of requirement. I would have loved to read about more pictures he saw and the memories behind them, though. It felt like that was missing a little. Anyway, you're a great writer and I really loved this... I shall sneak away now and read some more from you =D

-Theia..=]

-Theia.. =]

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, thank you so much for the review(:
I also loved when he went into the room of requirements, and I actually was thinking about re-doing it, and adding more with the pictures.

This is the fic I read centered around Remus's sadness about the marauder's deaths and Sirius's 'betrayal'. I like how you had him walking around the halls of Hogwarts before you brought him before the mirror of erised, though I think the fic would have been more powerful if you'd included at least one flashback to contrast what his life was to what it is now instead of having Remus tell us. But besides that the writing was lovely and I liked how his desire was to bond with Harry like he had with James.

Author's Response: Hello(:

I am glad you liked him walking around the halls, I really wanted to show his emotion towards him seeing his home again. And I agree, I may go back and change that sometime. Thank you so much for the review(:

Hello SiriusLover177! On behalf of the HPPC Staff, I want to say thank you for entering our Challenge! And what a great entry you've given us!

First off, I want to say that I really like the premise of the story: Remus' first day back at Hogwarts since he lost all of his best friends! I've spent a lot of time with Remus as a character, because he's one of my favorites, and somehow I'd never really thought about how difficult this day must have been for him! Hogwarts was where he spent some of the greatest years of his life with his best friends, and now that he's back, he's completely without them for the most terrible reasons! All those memories flooding back, bringing both joy and despair... it's so painful and such a beautiful moment to write about!

I love the moment when he wants to scream, but just refuses to allow himself to do it, and so he covers his mouth with his hands. It's very powerful and realistic, acting in a physical way to control an emotional response. There's just so much heartbreak and loss behind that moment, it's very touching.

I really like the memory walk-through that you do, where we're taken back to Remus' school years as he walks to the Room of Requirement. It's just very lovely and touching, but with that sadness still there. And we see the quote come into play as well! I can't believe you took such a funny quote and worked it into such a deep, dark story! I'm honestly very impressed that you saw this story from that quote! It's very cool and worked really well.

"I want to go back to a place where I was happy." - I really loved this idea of all those pictures coming into play and it's so sad and wonderful at the same time! I kind of wish you had expanded on the details here just a bit! In my head I can imagine this big room covered wall to wall with happy memories of him and his best friends and his life from back when things were good, and I sort of just wish you'd taken us through a few more pictures, maybe Remus laughing at a forgotten moment, his eyes a little tearful perhaps... It was just such a wonderful set up that you could have taken more advantage of, but still very lovely all the same. :-)

The Mirror was a really nice touch and a perfect way to end the story. Of course Remus would see his best friends in the mirror originally, but deciding to change what he sees into a relationship where he and Harry become close? Perfect. I thought that was really lovely and touching and a beautiful step forward for Remus.

So one thing I've noticed pretty consistently throughout this story that I'd like to point out is that you tend to flip back and forth between past and present tense. For example, in your opening sentence you say "Sighing, I left my room in defeat; there is no way Iíll be sleeping tonight." - The first half of the sentence is in past tense: 'I left my room" while the second half is present: 'there is no way'. All in past tense would look like this: "Sighing, I left my room in defeat; there was no way I'd be sleeping tonight." All in present tense would look like this: "Sighing, I leave my room in defeat; there is no way I'll be sleeping tonight." Do you see what I mean? I had to reread your first sentence a few times before I understood what the problem was, because I knew it felt off, and that opening line is SO important! That's the first thing a reader is going to see, so it's really important that it's strong and consistent and correctly written! The whole story goes through this changing tense, too. For example: "Leaning against the cold Hogwarts wall, I close my eyes" - Present - but then we get: "I could feel my body trembling, trying to fight the longing pain in my heart." - Past. Does that make sense? Just something to be conscious of! Most of the story is in present tense, and I prefer it that way for this style of writing, so maybe comb through for a few of those switches? The example above would be changed to "I can feel my body trembling, trying to fight the longing pain in my heart." - Or just "I feel my body trembling..." I hope this is helpful and makes sense!

There are a few other grammatical mistakes here and there and a few moments where I think you could have chosen stronger wording to pack a more powerful punch, but overall it was a really nice read and I'm so happy you entered our Challenge with this story! Thank you!

Author's Response: Your very welcome for entering the challenge, and thank you so much(:

Yeah, before I wrote this story I never thought about it myself. I never imagined the pain, and sorrow he would have felt coming back to his, and his friends home sense they turned eleven. And I agree, it is a very beautiful moment to write about.

Thank you, I wanted to add that part, with him refusing to scream to show his emotion, and him trying so very hard to control his emotions. I am glad you thought it was realistic.

Yes, it was very difficult to find a place to put the quote, but I really liked where I put it. I liked trying to put such a funny, out of place quote, and trying to place it in such a sad story.

And I agree, I think I will go back and re-do that, and add more memories, I totally could have used that more into my favor, and really brought a more emotional, and maybe happy moment. I do believe I will go back and try and make it a better moment, because if I try hard it could really be a story changer, maybe bring out some tears, or laughs?
Thanks for that advice(:

Yeah, I really wanted Remus to grow from this experience, and I thought showing that though the mirror was a good idea, because it shows your hearts desire, and there really is no other way to really understand someone changed besides that, because the mirror cannot lie.

Thank you for telling me this. I have such a hard time with tenses, it will be my death one of these days! I will go back and change those. I really appreciate you telling me about those(:

Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks with your long overdue review! I want to start by apologizing about it being so late. I have had loads of homework and I have some huge exams coming up in 2-3 weeks here so all my spare time goes towards exam stuff. But today I have decided to take a break to do some catch up, so here I am!

For the most part, the story flowed quite well. I understood where things were going and I do not think anything was going too fast. I was a little confused about Remusí whereabouts in the castle though. He went from Filchís office to the Room of Requirement, which I donít think are on the same floors, so I was kind of cofused. I was also sort of questioning how Remus knew about the Room of Requirement. I know he was a Marauder and all, but Iím not sure if he would necessarily know about it.

And there was another thing I noticed that effected the flow, and that would be the tenses. There would be sections of present tense and sections of past tense and they would be intermixed. I know you had memories, which were fine in past tense, but youíd have sections of what was actually going on in past tense to, while other parts of what was actually going on in present tense to. So you may want to look closely at the verbs throughout to make sure they are the tense you intended them to be, as it got a bit confusing at times.

Other than those few things though, I saw no other problems. You really managed writing a stream of consciousness type thing quite well. It was easy to keep up with and I did enjoy reading it. Great job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Ha, it's no problem, I totally understand with homework and everything(:

I'm glad you think it was at a good flow, and I understand what you mean, I could have put more thought into where he actually was going, I really didn't think about that.
And I always kind of pictured in my mind that the marauders knew about the room of requirements.

Hey there!
So sorry for taking such a long time to get the review across!

Hahaha, at the start I was thinking 'Hmm...why is this story so familiar? And at the end when I read the author's note, I was like 'Oh yeahh! I beta-ed this story!' I have a memory of a goldfish for everything...ugh. You would hate to be me. :P

Anyway, as I said to you before I love this story and reading it again brought me to the verge of tears. I really like the way you characterised Remus and you were really spot-on with his thoughts and emotions!

I do think that the story is fast-paced in terms of transitions (ie. from the night Remus cried to the morning) so I guess you could work on that, but overall I think the whole thing flows very well and you wrote it really neatly!

Woohoo! Remus ftw,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: Haha, niceee.

I'm glad you think I had Remus' emotions spot on, that means a lot.

And I understand what you mean, it being fast-paced, and I could work on that.

First off, sorry about the wait. I was away on holiday without internet, but I'm home now and catching up on my reviewing :)

I adored this story, it was so heart-breaking yet amazing at the same time. I don't think I've ever read a (angst) Remus-centered story and I have to say this is a great way to be entered into his way of thinking (can i call it that?)

I think you paced it well, though one thing confused me. How old is Remus? Is this set in HBP? Just an idea you may want to put the year or something in it :)

I can't find any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes which made me want to do a happy dance!

Jas

Author's Response: Ha, no problem about the wait(:

And yeah, I wanted to do something I've never done before, I wanted to show how Remus handled everthing.

This story made me feel so bad for Remus and for what he had to have gone through with James and Lily's death. I think that you wrote his emotions very well, and I could definitely feel his nostalgia as he walked through the halls. I liked how you also described how he felt with Sirius' so-called betrayal. It was interesting to see his view of it.

I thought that the flow of the story was very good. I don't think it was over too quickly and I think that you did a good job with transitioning the scenes and describing each scene. I also didn't catch any grammar errors so well done on that!

Overall it was a very good story and I enjoyed reading this and I think you did a good job with describing Remus' experiences and also his emotions!

Well done! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you think I had Remus' emotions right, that makes me happy.
And I agree, no one really thinks how it all effected Remus, so I wanted to show that. I'm glad you liked it(:

I'm glad you think the flow was good, I was pretty scared tha tI went to straight forward. And fast.

Well written, if not a bit sad, fic. Lupin has always been one of my favorite characters and I think you capture his anguish well as he grieves for his friends.

It flows well, but I think it's just a bit too straight forward. Nothing really pops out at me as incredibly moving. It's as if I'm watching his life through a series of slides and I don't feel the connection to the little anecdotes as he passes through Hogwarts. Perhaps a more descriptive approach that really highlights key areas of each Maurader's personalities would have helped me connect more.

It's more important that even though Lupin has these feelings with these memories, you have to make them more than just a fleeting memory. That way, the story is something to remember rather than just a flash of sadness that quickly fades away.

I hope that didn't sound too critical as there's nothing wrong with this story. I just had some suggestions for you to think about while you write your next piece.

Keep on writing and enjoy!

Author's Response: I understand what you mean, by saying that it is straight forward, and it could have been more descriptive. I will keep that in mind when I write more.

AndI agree with you, into making the memories more than just memories. I will trybto work with that.

And no probelm, I like critical,there is no way I can get better if no one helps me by telling me what to change.

I really liked this story! It was short but to the point and I think in a character reflection piece like this, it absolutely works well! I liked that you gave some insight into what Lupin thought about everything that happened to him back when Voldemort fell and how he's been dealing with the deaths of his closest friends and the betrayal of his other best friend. It was really well-done. I also liked that although he was sad for a lot of it, there was a definite conclusion at the end. He was ready to move on and be there for Harry like he couldn't be before. He was ready to say goodbye. I think you captured the angst he would have been feeling wonderfully, so bravo! :)

~VioletBlade

Author's Response: Thank you so much.
Yeah, I wanted to have Remus' story on how HE felt after the fall, because he was truly the only one still there.
And I agree, he finally understood that he needed to be there for Harry, and he needed to move on.
Thank you so much for the review(:

I thought this story was sad, but in a great way. I thought you did a wonderful job with Remus' emotions. I could feel his heart break a little as he walked through the halls remembering the times he had shared with his friends. It was believable and relatable. I really liked the change in him though when he looked into the mirror again before leaving the room of requirement and seeing himself and Harry getting along the way that him and James did. I thought that was a wonderful turning point in expressing how one understands that there is life after death of those that you love most.

I thought you did a great job describing the scenes. It was subtle and not overwhelming so it didn't take away from your story at all. The flow and pace of the story were well balanced together. I didn't feel rushed while reading it and I didn't feel that it dragged on. I was drawn in from the begining of the story and it held my intrigue throughout. I am really not that great at grammar, but from what I do know, I didn't see anything that stood out to me.

Overall, this was a very nice story and I think you did a brilliant job capturing Remus' feelings, making them real, and keeping them going through the end of the story. You did well with flow, pace, and description. Good Luck in the challenge!

Keep up the great work! =)

Thanks for requesting!
-SR17

Author's Response: I'm glad that you thought it was sad, that's what I tried to do(: And how you said how I got Remus' emotions right, that means a lot, because I was afraid I didn't do that well enough.
And I agree, when he realized that he didn't need to mourn over his friends death, and he could move on, I loved that part.
Also, how you said the pace of the story was good, that made me happy because I was pretty scared that I rushed it, so it means a lot for you to say that it flowed well.

I saw this story posted in CloakAuror9's review thread and the summary caught my eye. I'm glad I took a minute to read it. It was a really touching, really well-written piece. I love reading Remus when he's being moody and introspective. Everything in this felt perfectly in character. Lots of nice little memories snatched from canon and supplemented with plenty of your own imagination. Thanks for a good read!

Author's Response: Well I am glad that the summery caught your eye, that really makes me happy.
Thank you for saying that it was well written, that really means a lot.
And I agree, I love Remus when he is moody as well, he is one of my favorite characters(: