By the way, if you're wondering whether or not I ever heard from Best Made, the answer is...sort of. Evidently someone named Jack forwarded my post to the axe-bedazzler himself, Peter Buchanan-Smith, and in turn forwarded me his reply, which was as follows:

Jack! Thanks so much for the link. I'll comment when he shows me his face, tells me his real name, or is willing to test drive my product... then he'll have grown a pair of balls big enough to slap down on the proverbial glass table... Thanks so much for sending the post. Always a pleasure to see Best Made inspiring such critical thinking. All the best, Peter

Anyway, let's skip ahead to late June, 2017, when I received an invitation to "An evening with Specialized Bikes, whiskey, and Best Made Co.," described thusly:

In addition to celebrating good people and tasting fine whiskey, we’ll be displaying our new adventure/gravel bike, the Diverge. The crew from Yonder Journal is making the trip out from Oregon to talk about their latest documentary, Project Y, which aims to discover the motivations behind gravel racers, and how the popularity of gravel racing events have seemed to explode over the past few years with events like Dirty Kanza and Grinduro. It’ll be a great opportunity to dive headfirst into the experience and hear from the folks who are living it!

I like bikes, I like whiskey, and I think Best Made is freaking hilarious, so you'd better believe I RSVP'ed in the affirmative faster than a ticket-buying bot scoops up the first row of a Taylor Swift concert.

The event was last night, and so it was that on the seventh anniversary of my first Best Made post, I ventured forth into the belly of the beast:

The Best Made store is located on White Street, just off of Church Street in Tribeca, and if you're: a) a longtime New Yorker; and b) depraved, you may recognize this as the erstwhile location of the no-longer-extant Baby Doll Lounge:

Best Made doesn't occupy the actual space (it's a "modern, casual restaurant & wine bar with a creative Italian menu featuring pizza, pasta & omelets" now), but it is one door over.

Regardless, when I saw all the hip bikes parked out front I knew I was in the right place:

And so, brimming with furtive excitement like a Baby Doll Lounge patron, I entered The House that Bedazzled Axes Built:

The first thing I noticed was this showcase, featuring an item no New Yorker should be without:

Like The Best Made Axe, the American Longbow is a timeless instrument fabricated around a hickory core, harvested locally in the USA. Black fiberglass laminates and bubinga risers add power and beauty for an elegant merger that is equally effective on the range as it is on the hunt.

Now I'm no Archery Fred so I'll tread carefully here, but I did enter the phrase "best longbow" into a popular search engine and the sense I get is that this thing is overpriced by about $300.

If any William or Willemina Tells would like to weigh in please do so in the comments below.

Anyway, once I was finished checking out the longbow I ventured forth into the bro-down:

I greeted Derrick from Specialized, who I've known for quite awhile, and thanked him for inviting me. In turn, he presented me with a book someone gave to him to give to me like five years ago or something:

The connection here is that, like Richard Feynman, I too lived in Far Rockaway as a child. However, the similarities end there, because unlike Richard Feynman, who was a world-renowned physicist, I am an idiot. Nevertheless, I was touched by the gesture.

Book in hand, I then graciously accepted a modest pour of some artisanal bourbon:

And continued browsing the store. There was much to admire, such as this thing:

I have no idea what it is, but it costs eighteen hundred and fifty bucks:

There was also this $1,650 box:

This may seem like a lot of money to pay for a box, but keep in mind it performs two (2) vital functions:

1) You can put weed in it;

2) It makes this smaller $600 box seem like a total bargain:

But what good is a box if you don't have any gloves with which to handle it? Don't worry, Best Made has you covered:

These "rough-out" gloves are made in the USA using high-quality medium weight tannery run elkskin, which in addition to its durability, leaves natural imperfections and handsome scars that develop with age.

Sure, you could pay a lot less for Geier gloves elsewhere, but they don't come with the prose:

Best Made also carries plenty of merit badges you can use to reward yourself for your imaginary accomplishments:

Welcome to the uncomfortable place where the outdoorsy bro aesthetic and the white power aesthetic meet:

These will look great on your rucksack or bomber jacket, as applicable.

And of course there were the axes:

The handle says "courage" because after that second small-batch bourbon some Best Made axe owners actually muster up enough of it to take the thing out of its presentation box.

In any case, it was absolutely brilliant of Specialized to hold this event at Best Made. Anywhere else a $9,000 gravel bike might seem like an extravagance, but in this setting it seemed like a total bargain, and certainly it was the only object in the room I'd actually want to take home with me and use (besides the whiskey, of course):

And while ordinarily I'd be tempted to scoff at stuff like dropper posts:

And sproingy headtubes:

It all seemed positively prosaic in the context of really expensive boxes and $540 sunglasses::

They showed a trailer for the full-length film and answered questions from the crowd:

The project seems genuinely interesting and entertaining and I'm looking forward to seeing it. I'm also pleased to report that during the Q&A I was the first to ask "#whatpressureyourunning."

And so, having accomplished everything I'd set out to do, I hopped back on the subway and cracked open my copy of "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!" for the ride back to the Bronx:

As for Best Made and Buchanan-Smith, he was right about my not having big balls, because Specialized also organized a demo ride this morning but I skipped it--partly because I was busy, but also partly because it was raining.

Then again, doing big rides in the rain is sort of like having big balls: it seems like something worth bragging about, but it's mostly just uncomfortable, so who the hell needs it?

Anyway, I'm hoping I can convince Specialized to let me borrow one of those Diverges, but I'm not holding out much hope for that axe test.

72 comments:

If you didn't avail yourself of the opportunity to kick Peter Buchanan-Smith in the pants yabbies while on your visit to the Best Hoax Co., I suggest you go back. There may be no man alive more deserving.

I give Best Made Co props for chutzpah. If you have to make money from questionable goods, at least they're taking it from folks who clearly have too much. Specialized is fishing from the same pool with the $6-15k plastic bikes.

Can't believe the Baby Doll Lounge is gone. Sacrilege! The Goo Goo Doll's Band used to pound things down, down there. And replaced by yet another locally sourced, locally curated by a local consultant, locally organic, pasta joint (hint, bring a big bag of cash for this flour and water product). A sign inside the lounge door used to say "No Lips Below the Hips, Boys"; from that, one could infer that lips below the hips was perfectly OK for babes. Maybe it'll re-open someday as the Babble Lounge.

Guess what? Baby Doll is alive and well as a pizza shop in Portland, Oregon!

"Baby Doll Pizza offers authentic, New York style pizza featuring dough, sauces, and cheeses made in-house by classically trained chef and owner Travis Miranda. Premium toppings include locally-sourced vegetables and house-made meats like brisket and sausages. Pineapple is not permitted on our pizza, although it’s best to ask Travis for the reason in person. To compliment our pizza and sandwiches, Baby Doll offers a rotating selection of local and regional wines and beers on tap and by the bottle. Baby Doll Pizza takes its name from the Baby Doll Lounge, a topless bar owned by Travis’s grandfather on the corner of Church and White streets in the Tribeca neighborhood of Manhattan. Born and raised in New York City, Travis attended the University of Oregon before pursuing his passion for food at the prestigious Culinary Institute of America. Armed with classical culinary training and a palette for pizza honed on the streets of New York, Travis returned to Portland to bring proper New York style pizza to the Pacific Northwest."

I think you called it about right on the longbow. Looks about like a Bear Montana which retails around $400. Some artisanal traditional bowyers (one who makes bows)can fetch upwards of 1000 American fun stamps for their custom curated sticks with strings I wonder what if any pedigree these Best Made pieces possess.

I'm a bit of a primitive bow fred myself but any dufus can buy a bow. I made my own.

i had a bow that looked just like that. i think it was called old hickory or something. i do notice the first weight is 25lb. best i remember that was an appropriate weight for me being a 9 year old sissy back in the 50s.

it is interesting how inflation chews up the dollar. i'm pretty sure mine cost about $10. and it came with a couple shitty arrows.

Those wooden boxes are from Gerstner who have been making really really nice wooden tool chests for over a hundred years. They're well liked by tool and die makers because they don't damage delicate tools like micrometers, or dull the edges of cutting tools like metal boxes do, and being wood they'll transport moisture away from wet tools helping prevent rust. The kind of thing that gets handed down between generations because they're well made, durable, and functional.

The large one looks like the classic which retails for $1345 and the small one appears to be the $445 J0900 "Purse".

So not at all remarkable that BestMade (by someone else) gets them, sticks their name onto it and raises the price a few hundred bucks so some poor soul can pay too much to stick in on a shelf. Schmucks.

I worked in machine shops for many years as a young man. I had a semi-crappy Craftsman tool chest and some not-crappy Kennedy boxes. One of the old fellas I worked with had the most beautiful Gerstner box you've ever seen. He oiled and wiped it down, then put a blanket over it when he left for the day. Every couple of years he'd replace the felt in the drawers.

I'd be surprised if these Best Made clowns are really using Gerstners. Too thin a margin I would think. There used to be a bunch of knock-offs of varying quality levels, but I don't really know the market on those types of boxes anymore.

i'm kinda shocked that snobbie didn't recognize the red thing for 1850 coupons. it's obviously an artisnal sandwich board. you can even see the shoulder straps in his picture. don't they use those in the big appalachia anymore?

Actually, I am a wee bit of an archery Fred, so I would say "best longbow" is like "best pennyfarthing". Maybe you object to the aesthetic of the (objectively superior) modern compound, but it's quite possible to make an artisanal recurve bow with the significant functional superiority demonstrated effectively by 12th century Mongols. The longbow is useful if you are a battle of Agincourt reenactor. In which case it should be made of yew, not hickory. Hickory is too stiff. Did you know the English equivalent of our middle finger comes from Henry V's archers, who would hold up their first two fingers to show the French their bowstring hands were ready to rein more death upon them?

And I like the $1650 machinist's toolbox. I have a few from various ancestors but they are all greasy and full of micrometers and taps and shit.

$1850 for an artisanal sandwich board? absurd! but for an artisanal leaf and flower press*, it's an incredible bargain. imagine the crestfallen looks on the other kids' faces when you show up with leaves & flowers from your front stoop pressed in this thing. there's only one gold star being handed out in THAT class!

I have practiced and taught archery to many people as a certified coach but I have never seen an enchanted bow that "patiently teaches true form" before. That bow is a wonder! Its best attributes are its high price and unimpeachable pedigree. The bow is above average in size.

As a recovering bike Fred and a part time tree fred-or maybe a George (of the jungle)-I think he's wasting his time with axes. The next wave of hipster is looking for saws. In fact specialized would be wise to look into this. They already make carbon fiber tree climbing spikes.

I highly recommend the Feynman book, hilarious and thought provoking, be warned though, Feynman is irreverent and has no respect for pompous people, maybe that's not your thing? :-) /s

I realize your job as high-powered bike-blogger and human kid-schlepper may not leave you much spare time, so start with the chapter about his safe-cracking spree at Los Alamos, page 137 in my copy. If you're not hooked afterwards just drop the book.

Seems appropriate they served Widow Jane whiskey, which is made by Midwest Grain Products, purchased and watered down by Widow Jane, then put into bottles with fancy labels, and sold as a small-batch product.

Anon @1:04 - I am glad that you noted that and I am glad that I am not the only one who calls out fake 'craft' whiskey makers whenever the opportunity presents itself. If MGP didn't create the faux craft whiskey business, they sure as hell enabled it. With a few thousand dollars worth of MGP's booze, some fancy bottles, and a bullshit but engaging back story, you too could be in the ARTIS ANAL whiskey business (see, e.g., High West 'Distillery'). Their order form makes it easy as pie.

In any case, fake craft whiskey from Widow Jane seems to be a perfect pairing with fake artisanal axes, tool boxes, etc. from Best Made Co.

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!