How Do I Pick a Direction for My Life?

“There is a certain terror that goes along with saying “My life is up to me.” It is scary to realize there’s no magic, you can’t just wait around, no one can really rescue you, and you have to do something. Not knowing what you want to do with your life—or not at least having some ideas about what to do next—is a defense against that terror.”

Superman is my favorite superhero. But we have a love-hate relationship. You see, there’s no easy way to tell a story with his character, so his comics usually suck. Writers fail to address what makes him unique and he constantly ends up with simple crime-fighter stories that don’t suit him.

And I hate it. I hate reading terrible Superman comic after terrible Superman comic. But I keep coming back because—every so often—a writer hits a home run. They understand what makes his character unique and they take risks to deliver an incredible story.

Your life is a Superman comic. By default, it’s going to suck. You could wait around and hope it gets better, but it won’t. You could hope that adding some flashy artwork will make it better, but it won’t. You could—instead—figure out how to tell a good story, learn what makes you unique, and start taking a risk or two. Lucky for you, that’s what this article is about.

From one twentysomething to another, I want to share with you some of the experiences and wisdom that have helped me answer the question, “How do I pick a direction for my life that results in a story worth telling?”

LET THE STORY START NOW

“Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come / or a plane to go or the mail to come / or the rain to go or the phone to ring / or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No / or waiting for their hair to grow / Everyone is just waiting.”

-Dr. Seuss

I applied to 15 medical schools last year and wasn’t accepted to any of them. It had nothing to do with scores, letters, or GPA. In fact, my scores kind of rock. But I was stranded on the waitlists because my life lacked a compelling narrative. I was going through the motions, bereft of any story.

If I’m honest, I didn’t see my life story starting until medical school. I viewed everything else as a prologue or an introduction that could be easily skipped without missing any major plot points. My experiences were a means to a beginning. I was “doing my time” so that I could get into medical school and finally begin living meaningfully.

Whether or not you’re an aspiring doctor, that’s a dumb way to live. Waiting for an event or a person to give you permission to tell an awesome story with your life is a surefire way to never tell it. I had trained myself to see that the best parts of life were reserved for the future. They aren’t. They don’t show up on your doorstep when you turn 30, get married, or get a promotion.

Waiting is never rewarded with an incredible life. The unique, meaningful story you desire is the result of taking action today. Let the story start now.

GET GOOD AT SOMETHING

“People tend to complain about the economy, their job, the government, their lack of income, but aren’t doing much to improve their value or skills… Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. If you work hard on your job you can make a living, but if you work hard on yourself you’ll make a fortune… Instead of comparing yourself to others, differentiate.”

– Peter Voogd

If you’re like me, you’re not actually very good at anything. You’re patiently accumulating “experience” at work. Since employers care more about your time than your value, your plan is to wait it out and leverage your years worked for a more meaningful job. Just a few more years and you’ll be able to cash-in, get promoted, and finally say, “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life!”

While you might land the promotion because of your years on the job, that doesn’t guarantee you’ll be doing what you love. Why? Because mastery leads to satisfaction, not vice-versa. We don’t master our jobs because we enjoy them; we enjoy our jobs because we are good at them.

A dream job can only be enjoyed by someone who has mastered its skills. A skilled plumber is happier than an unskilled CEO. Unfortunately, the job market is structured in such a way that discourages mastery and rewards arbitrary accomplishments like a college education or irrelevant experience that “looks good on a resume.”

We have been taught to think about dream jobs all wrong. In our teen years we formed lifelong opinions about what it means to have a rewarding career. Most of us are going through the motions until we get there.

The problem is that a dream job isn’t rewarding because you’ve always wanted it; it’s rewarding because you’ve mastered the skills to do it well. How many of us would have found greater success if we had focused on mastering a skill or trade instead of going to college? You and I will have a more profound impact on the world and tell a far more compelling story with our lives by focusing our twenties on mastery, rather than “experience” or job hunting.

“We don’t master our jobs because we enjoy them; we enjoy our jobs because we are good at them.”

So get good at something. Anything, really. The world needs more people who are good at stuff. Go to a trade school. Learn to code. Join a boxing gym. Take a course on Photoshop. Practice public speaking. Read 5 books about marketing. Ask your boss what skills your company needs most.

FEAR OF PICKING THE WRONG DIRECTION

New problem:What if I pick the wrong direction for my life and waste an incredible amount of time on something that doesn’t make me happy?

In Chris Farley’s magnum opus performance as Tommy Callahan, he is faced with the monumental task of selling enough brake pads to keep his father’s company afloat. The turning point in the movie is when Tommy makes his first sale to a curmudgeonly store owner who cannot get over the fact that “there’s no guarantee on the box!” Tommy understands a customer’s fear of making the wrong choice and knows that a guarantee provides peace of mind. Tommy’s response is my response to you.

“Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer’s sake, for your daughter’s sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.”

–Chris Farley, Tommy Boy

Picking a direction for your life doesn’t come with a guarantee. All the best things in life are the result of taking a risk. The only wrong decision you can make when picking a direction for your life is not picking any direction. So do something.

RISKING NOTHING

“Overestimating risks and avoiding losses is a fine strategy for surviving dangerous environments, but not for thriving in a modern career. When risks aren’t life-threatening, you have to overcome your brain’s disposition to avoid survivable risks. In fact, if you are not actively seeking and creating opportunities—which always contain an element of risk—you are actually exposing yourself to more serious risks in the long term.”

I want you to think for a minute about your personal “Rock Bottom.” If all of your worst-case scenarios came to fruition on the same day (OK, exclude family deaths and other terrible things that can’t be controlled), how bad would that be? Say you lose your job, house, and car. Say your girlfriend runs away to Spain with your best friend. Say the new Batman vs. Superman movie is terrible.

Yes, it’s all bad, but the wonder of being in your twenties is that it’s nothing that can’t be fixed in a few months. Compared to someone in their fifties with grandchildren, retirement savings, and two homes, you really don’t have much to lose. Comparatively, your Rock Bottom isn’t that bad.

Your twenties are your opportunity to risk everything (which isn’t much) for the sake of a meaningful direction in life (which could be a lot). Luckily, I can’t imagine any situation where you actually have to risk everything.

You don’t risk your reputation when you ask a pretty girl on a date (it just feels like it). You don’t risk your lifelong financial stability by taking an unpaid internship (it just feels like it). You don’t put your job on the line by pursuing a promotion (it just feels like it). You won’t miss out on the greatest night of your life by staying home on Fridays to do freelance work (it just feels like it).

If your twenties was a game of poker, you would realize that there are no hands that demand you go all-in and that there are too many hands you aren’t playing. There are too many risks that you are avoiding because of your fear of Rock Bottom. Your twenties should be characterized by risk because the Risk:Reward ratio is incredibly in your favor.

Every direction in life worth going demands risk. Try to remember how little you’re actually risking.

“Most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.”

-Tim Ferriss

LEARNING TO SAY NO

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

– Steve Jobs

We don’t stumble across meaningful lives. We get there by committing to a direction and taking risks. As Steve Jobs points out, the trick is in learning to say no, not yes. To get where we want to go, saying no to a lot of good things is the only way we will have any of the good things we really want.

But that feels limiting. It gets our FOMO senses tingling. It doesn’t sound like freedom.

“Dabbling is for the uninitiated. Focus is for the world-changers.”

Although it never feels this way in the moment, there is more freedom in saying no than in saying yes. As twentysomethings, we have the ability to say yes to a million opportunities. Our potential is high.

Our stories can about social justice, business, fashion, design, medicine, Jesus, Buddha, art, music, poetry, or travel. But it can’t be about all of them. Maybe two or three, but it’s always smarter to say yes to one thing at a time. Dabbling is for the uninitiated. Focus is for the world-changers.

So pick one thing. Get incredibly clear about the kind of direction you want your life to take and start moving in that direction one step at a time. Be clear about the things to which you will need to say no. Be just as clear about your un-priorities as your priorities.

FINAL THOUGHTS

“I have seen countless twentysomethings spend too many years living without perspective. What is worse are the tears shed by thirtysomethings and fortysomethings because they are now paying a steep price—professionally, romantically, economically, reproductively—for a lack of vision in their twenties.”

–Meg Jay

Picking a direction for your life can be paralyzing. There are so many options!

Do you follow your heart, your mind, or your gut?

Do you do something brand new or press into something familiar?

Should you stay grounded or let your dreams run wild? How does your personality fit into this?

What about your hobbies?

What about your network?

These are all great questions that don’t matter as much as you taking action.

“Clarity comes from action, not introspection.”

If you’re honest with yourself, you know which way you should be headed. You don’t know the exact coordinates, but you know that you should be going west.

So start walking. Your story will develop as you consistently decide to develop your story. An end goal isn’t always necessary because clarity comes from action, not introspection.

So pick a direction and don’t let directionless scrubs tell you that you’re going the wrong way.

Matt!

Tired of the low expectations that accompany being a millennial?

We are, too.

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