Product Reviews

Nutcase
Blackdana Classic HelmetNutcasehelmets.com
Nutcase helmets are on point in feel and comfort. I’ve taken mine out for many spins, and felt much safer riding around unaware drivers/assholes. You know the type—the Utahn who thinks they have a mandate from God to drive their shitty minivan about with their standard blissful ignorance of others. I’ve worn helmets for a while now for different sports (my brain is worth it) but haven’t put on a cycling helmet since my mountain biking days. Helmet tech has improved a lot since the ’90s. Nutcase’s new magnetic buckle is the shit. With one hand open/close ease, you might think safety is compromised, but it isn’t, which is great—buckles have long been a bane for comfort, but the padding makes the process seamless. I initially took issue with the black bandana design, but I’ve decided not to paint it and embrace my new brain bucket. –JP

Neff
Animal Hat and Tanka Tank TopNeffheadwear.com
Neff should seriously consider firing whoever designed the Animal Hat. It’s super comfortable and fits really well, but the design is fucking ridiculous. You’re designing hats for snowboarders, not anime nerds and Harajuku girls. I might have been able to throw it on and forget about its absurdity if people didn’t constantly remind me that I had fucking fox ears on my head. In order to actually leave my house with this thing on my head, I was forced to grow some ladyballs and accept that I looked like a total ‘tard. Once I embraced this fact, I wore this hat everywhere—and I got a surprising number of compliments. The Tanka Tank Top, on the other hand, kills it. It’s a men’s shirt, so the second I got it, both of my male roommates tried to steal it from me. Even though it’s made for dudes, it fits the female figure surprisingly well—it looks awesome with leggings. The blue pocket adds color to the otherwise black-and-white print and it’s the perfect size for a pack of cigs. Plus, it’s low enough on the shirt that it doesn’t obstruct the view of the titties. This tank is definitely going to be a staple in my summer wardrobe this year. Neff really needs to rethink their hat game, but their tank tops are on point. –Katie Panzer

Aggronautix
Wendy O. Williams 1982 ThrobbleheadAggronautix.com
Let me begin by saying that it’s somewhat of a challenge to review a product that you don’t even remove from the box, but seeing as this is a hand-numbered, limited edition figurine, I’m going to be a total collector dork and leave it packaged. Aggronautix has a pretty impressive line of bobbleheads (or, to use their terminology, “throbbleheads”) going on, and the Wendy O. Williams 1982 edition is no slouch. Mohawk, spikes, ripped-up clothing—check! Limited to 2000 units, it’s a cool piece for any Plasmatics/W.O.W. or punk rock memorabilia collector, but beyond that, I don’t really see much of a market for it. Aggronautix has throbbleheads of G.G. Allin, Keith Morris, Tesco Vee and several others available, but it’s my opinion they should stick to dead punk rock icons (Darby Crash, guys?) instead of tossing out figures of, say, Milo from the Descendents. Regardless, this is a cool piece, and Aggronautix is a company worth checking out. –Gavin Hoffman

SuperHeat Games
Skateboard Card GameSuperHeatGames.com
SuperHeat is a “skateboard trading card game built by skaters for skaters.” I honestly do not understand this game at all. It’s as if a bunch of Magic: The Gathering people got together and were like “you know what? I am sick of wizards and magic and fairies, but skateboarding is cool now, so let’s make a card game about that.” If you want to talk about skateboarders and tricks and spots, then get a skateboard. By actually going skateboarding, you will understand what skateboarding is and how it works, not by these little plastic cards. Also, the instructions were nearly the length of War and Peace. Do you honestly think any real “skater” has the patience to read through five pages of printer paper instructions? No, they don’t. That’s why they skate, because they are a bunch of ADD, impatient, 14 to 18-year-old kids. And if they are not, then they are way too old to be playing with plastic laminated cards of other men flying through the air. My advice on this game: Save your money and buy a real skateboard. This game is for the birds. –Hondo

Snack Palette
Disposable Snack Palettesnackpalette.com
When it comes to writing product reviews, it’s things like the Snack Palette that I get the most excited about. I can’t help it—I’m a sucker for ingenuity. The concept of the palette is simple: Take a regular plastic plate, and add a cup holder to it. Simple as it seems, the palette is clever and convenient in its design, and best of all, it works. So far, I’ve only been able to point out one shortfall: 12 oz. cans. If you’re planning on using the snack palette for its intended purpose, you must also have cupsavailable, since cans are too small for the cup holder. That, however, is a slight oversight compared to the palette’s benefits. When simplicity, creativity and quality fuse into a single round piece of plastic, the possibilities are endless—like being able to hold your food, beverage and utensils in one hand while playing horseshoes with the other. Come to think of it, that’s about right where the possibilities end, but that doesn’t change the fact that the Snack Palette may be the greatest thing to happen to barbecuing since roast pork. –Chris Proctor