Romantic Gestures That Either Score or Spook

Romantic gestures and tokens of appreciation are not lost on men. In fact, they count for a lot. We love knowing that the girl we're mad for likes us back. And we love knowing that she thinks about us when we aren't there. But we can get spooked for what may seem like the strangest reasons, and sweet gestures given at the wrong time can send us running in the opposite direction. Here's the scoop on what lovey-dovey stuff works for us, what doesn't, and when it's okay to bring it on.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

The most dangerous moment to lavish attention on a guy is when you first start dating. You may be so caught up in the thrill of a new relationship that you feel an overwhelming desire to indulge in truly sappy romantic behavior (like giving him a mug that says World's Greatest Lover). The important thing to remember in the first few weeks with your new love: Romantic gestures from women fall into two distinct categories: (1) She really likes me! (2) I'm dating Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

More From Cosmopolitan

The truth is, a guy doesn't expect or want much during this phase. Of course he's praying for sex (and at this stage of the game, that is the most romantic gesture of all). But don't send him love letters, cute cards, or cook him a big family dinner. The key is not to try too hard. You don't want him to worry that you've put more thought and effort into this one gift than he has put into the entire relationship.

Birthday/holiday rule: If a gift-giving situation pops up during these early romantic stages, remember, less is more. Your best bet is to give him a gift that can be consumed. If you know he likes a certain type of beer, buy him an entire case. If he's a fitness freak, get him his favorite nutrition bars. Avoid trinket-itis — that is, buying precious little figurines/key chains/etc. You may want to give him the Beanie Baby that looks like his childhood dog. Don't.

This is when you're boyfriend and girlfriend...but just barely. You are on each other's speed dial, but you haven't exchanged apartment keys yet. The thing about romantic gestures at this point is that they should be all about the two of you as a couple. So inside jokes are good. If you went to Sea World together, get him that dolphin trash can. If he's had a rough day, go ahead and get sappy. Give him a coupon that says, "This entitles you to one back rub" or some other even more erotic gift. If you're traveling, send him a postcard saying you are thinking about him. All of these gestures show that you really, really like him.

What not to do? Anything that expands your intimacy into a domain where you haven't been invited. For example, whatever you do, don't call his mom on the phone asking for the recipes to his favorite dishes, even if you really want to cook him a special dinner (because he may not want you talking to his mom). If you've noticed he has a collection of frog stuff (frog magnets, frog mittens, frog playing cards), don't go buying any more for him. It may be his inside joke with another friend, and it will seem like you are trying to get in on it. These may seem like little things, but to a guy, they suggest you are upping the commitment ante, and that can unhinge him a bit.

Birthday/holiday rule: This is tricky. You want to get him something nice but not too nice. For example: Filofax? Yes. The new, improved PalmPilot? No. An expensive night out on the town? Yes. A tropical vacation for two planned for six months down the road? No. A sexy love letter where you spell out exactly how fabulous he is (both in and out of bed)? Yes. That letter embroidered on a pillow? No. (Always avoid anything that he feels he has to display in his apartment.) The key with all of this is to give him something he can enjoy right now but that isn't too heavily directed toward the future.

This is the final Jeopardy! round. You're a couple, big-time. If you aren't living together, you definitely keep toothbrushes at both places. You've probably met the folks, and you may even be sending them presents at the holidays. At this stage of the game, he loves to be told that you still think he's Your Man. So get personal and creative. Send him lusty e-mail luring him out of the office for a lunchtime quickie. Plan a weekend away, and then while on vacation, grant him three wishes and bring along a, um, Polaroid camera. Do things that remind him of all the different phases of your relationship. Re-create your first date: food, clothes, everything. Give him a mix tape with every song you've ever danced to. Put together a photo album of the two of you in your absolutely happiest times.

Birthday/holiday rule: Get him (and his best friend) season tickets to go watch his favorite sports team. Buy a star in his name. Book him for a week at a basketball fantasy camp — the same week of your family reunion (so he doesn't have to go with you). And give him a dog — even if you hate them. Because the best romantic gestures are the ones that remind him of why the two of you are so perfect together.