Last night I did something I’ve never done before. It was the awards show for the 2015 Brighton Prize and I am lucky enough to be one of the Directors. We wanted as many of our ten shortlistees to read as possible, fortunately our winner Lucy Flannery was there to read her prize-winning story, Calm Down Dear, but our two runners up, Tamsin Cottis and Cheryl Palmer couldn’t make it. I offered to read Cheryl’s story Mermaid for her. I loved this story from the first round of reading, it was very striking and original and had a poetic rhythm to it fitting to the title. When I was practising in the afternoon I realised that I hadn’t ever read somebody else’s work to an audience.

I made my stage debut five years ago, when I read at Brighton’s Grit Lit event in December 2010. I was absolutely petrified and on last! Somehow I managed to get through without anyone guessing how nervous I was. I thought that my right leg was shaking so much that people must have seen it but nobody mentioned it. What people did do was come up and congratulate me on my reading. Since then, I have read my own work many times, usually in dingy cabaret bars but also in festival tents and university conferences. I am always nervous but it does depend on what I’m reading. If a story is very personal to me I will be terrified, if I have any doubts about what I’m reading my hands will tremble and my mouth will dry. Sometimes, when I know it’s good, when people I trust have told me it’s my best, I will be more in control.

On Friday I went to the TEDx talks at The Brighton Dome. The theme this year was Losing Control. All the speeches addressed the relinquishing of control as a positive experience, the act of venturing out of our comfort zones making us better humans, more open, able to live up to our true potential. These talks made me think of my own experience reading my writing to an audience. At one point my nerves were so bad that I had a form of hypnosis to try and tackle the root cause. It worked, up to a point, but I always have a little bit of stage fright, I always stumble a bit over my words or suffer from shaky hand syndrome. Last night was the exception. I think because the words weren’t mine I could read without fear. I didn’t feel nervous at all. It was probably my best reading. Now comes the tricky bit. It’s okay to be a bit nervous but I would like not to be. I would like to be able to read my own stories the way I read Cheryl’s. To be in control. Then again, perhaps losing control makes me a more emotional reader and helps get the message across with more impact. Whichever it is, I know that if I want to be a writer I have to keep on doing public readings, it’s part of the game, and if you want to be a writer you will need to do them too. So, deep breath, let yourself go.

The winner of the Brighton Prize 2015, Lucy Flannery, with our host Lonny Pop. The shortlist and details of the prize are on our website www.brightonprize.com

My resolution about blogging once a month hasn’t quite worked out. I just don’t seem to have the time and as a result I’ve got lots to tell. October was a pretty good month this year, of course I had a few rejection emails and failed to list in a couple of comps, but this is usual for me and mostly I don’t let it get to me. I did get a rejection from a big name journal that bothered me slightly but this was because I submitted to them nearly two years ago. What’s the point, seriously, after two years? I’d forgotten I’d even submitted so the rejection was a real ‘you think we’d be interested in you?’ slap in the face on a Monday morning. Submission managers – if it’s been over eighteen months, don’t bother with the reply.

One story I am very proud of was over-looked and rejected by almost everyone I sent it to. The thing is I knew it was worth something because the two times I read it to an audience complete strangers came up to me and told me how good it was. It is a bit of a hybrid though, not quite literary fiction and not quite science fiction, so I can see how it might not appeal. I entered it into The Bristol Prize at the last minute when I read that they didn’t dismiss genre fiction and lo, I heard it had been short-listed in July!

The prize giving was held at the Arnolfini in Bristol on Oct 19th. My Rattle Tales buddy Katherine Doggrell came with me and sixteen of the twenty short-listed authors were in attendance. It was a great evening and it was lovely to meet everyone. It reminded me of how supportive writers are of their fellow scribes. Gathered in the gorgeous gallery space with free flowing wine we all chatted about our stories and how to pull our Oscar face when the winner was announced. First prize went to Paul McMichael with The House On St John’s Avenue, and well-deserved it is too, the story is funny, moving and a little bit out there. After the event we all headed off for pizza and more chat in a local tavern. The Bristol Prize is brilliantly run by Joe Melia who realises that it is the writers and the stories that are important but other prizes take note, there was much talk in the room about how badly some prizes are run, the very least that is required is an email telling us that the long-list is up, I think we all know which ones we’re talking about here. I will post a review of the anthology when I have read all the stories.

Another high-light of the evening was finally getting to meet Tania Hershman. Tania is the editor of The Short Review and an award winning short story writer. When Starlings was released and couldn’t get a review for love nor money The Short Review stepped up and not only reviewed it but gave it the best review ever given to anything anywhere. In times of artistic crisis I read this review (written by author AJ Kirby) because it makes me realise that I can do this thing after all. I got to thank Tania personally and I hope our paths cross again.

The other big event of October was the Autumn Rattle Tales show. We’d had a busy Summer what with Green Man and Brighton Digital Festivals and helping our very own Lonny Pop host The Small Wonder Slam at Charleston in September, and we almost forgot about our regular show so it was a bit of a rush to organise. In the end it turned out to be one of our best. To see why go to our brand new website (brilliantly refurbed by Alice Cuninghame) and read a review, there are many other brilliant features on site including a rather good guide to submitting which will help with submitting stories anywhere, not just to us. The show took place just before Halloween and I got to read the only real ghost story I have ever written, Footprints, which was written for What The Dicken’s Magazine. When I set about writing this story I wanted it to be traditional rather than graphic to rely on atmosphere rather than shocks. After I had read it a member of the audience (who is an experienced creative writing tutor) told me that it reminded her of MR James – she made my day!

What an inspirational few days. On Thursday I went to Hurstpierpoint to attend Loud Literature, a children’s creative writing event staged as part of Hurst Festival. It’s organisers, Belle Amatt and bookseller, Deb Hollywood did a great job getting entries from local children. They were kind enought to ask me to help with the judging. The stories and poems I read in the 12-15 category were amazing, far beyond anthing I imagined the children would produce and it was extremely hard to decide on which ones were the best. In the end they were all winners because at the event pretty much everybody who wanted to read their work (and that was nearly everyone) got a chance to and many of the stories were displayed in Hurst Library. The atmosphere was very light and supportive I and my fellow judge, Jill Hucklesby, Chris Bradford and Cherry Radford read our own work and commented on the stories read by the children, all of whom read brilliantly and very confidently. In my category I particularly liked the story from the point of view of a hunted guinea pig and a heart-wrenching long poem about a man fallen on hard times which was wise beyond the writer’s years. One of the girls, Philippa Crondwell, submitted two pieces, a poem and a short story, both of which were so good they would have done well in any adult national competition. That girl is definitely one to watch. I was also struck by how many boys entered stories and read beautifully to the audience. Boys get a bad press about writing and creativity and on Thursday that assumption was shown to be very wrong indeed. Thanks to Belle and Deb and I really hope the event happens again next year though if it does, I think you’ll need a bigger venue!

On Friday night Rattle Tales helped out at the Small Wonder Festival Slam in Charleston. Our own Lonny Pop was the host of the shovel themed competition and the rest of us were reading, judging, assisting, adding up (Countdown stylee) or just there to shake our rattles and put leaflets on every available surface! It was such a great event. For those of you who don’t know a slam involves names being pulled from a hat to decide who gets to read and we had a rather fetching red topper borrowed from my cabaret singer neighbour! Lonny couldn’t have done a better job and everyone who wanted to read did (including this very lovely 92 yr old lady) as it over ran just long enough to make sure there were no more names in the hat! I read at the Slam last year and it was a terrifying experience, but a lot can happen in a year and this time when I took to the stage (as one of the Rattle Tales scene setters) I didn’t feel nervous at all and Lonny (whose name wasn’t pulled from the hat last year) smashed it as host. Can you dig it? Yes you can!

Autumn has arrived. Last week was all sweltering heat and last minute camping trips then the storms came and swept summer away in a flash. The sun is still shining but there’s a morning chill on the school run and I have plans to make blackberry jam! I love autumn; it’s my favourite time of year. My friend Sara Crowley (sara crowley.com) posted on Facebook that the first week in September is the start of a new year; it has a new pencil case smell. I have to agree and it also means it’s nearly Halloween, which is my favourite day of the year, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

What did my summer bring? One thing I can tell you is that I only wrote 300 words in the whole season. All intentions of finishing my short story collection vanished in a haze of French sunshine and days on Brighton beach, followed by frantic preparations for my oldest starting secondary school. From Latitude Festival (which for me marks the start of summer) to September 4th I wrote practically nothing. But, aren’t writers supposed to write every day? Isn’t it a compulsion that can’t be denied? Obviously not for me. I have to admit I was quite surprised. I have written something (anything!) almost every day for a number of years. However, I didn’t start writing seriously until I was thirty-nine so I suppose I haven’t followed convention to begin with. To all those people who think you have to start when you are a tortured teen and build from there I say – Pah! (sticks tongue out and blows seasonal raspberry). It’s never too late to start; if you feel compelled just have a go. Granted, there is a lot of bad middle-aged writing out there but there’s a lot of terrible writing by people under thirty too. Good is good. And bad is bad. If you want to start writing in the autumn of your life there’s nothing to stop you, you could have fifty years of work ahead of you (think Diana Athill, Frank McCourt, Richard Adams hell, Bram Stoker was fifty when he wrote Dracula). Plus you have all those years of wisdom behind you to try and sense of it all. Autumn see, it’s a wonderful time.

Anyway, after eight weeks away from writing I have been unstoppable. Inspired by my son starting big school I started on a short story based on dramatic events at my secondary school in the 1980s. I have written 10,000 words in five days. This short story is no such thing, it is a novel, the novel I have been looking for since Starlings flew from my imagination in a little under nine months. I have characters and plots and a beginning, middle and end and no dirty great road block saying stop.

There’s so much happening elsewhere this autumn too. Brighton Digital Festival is underway. The spoken word group I’m involved with, Rattle Tales, joined in by putting on a show of global consequences. Unfortunately, I couldn’t attend but it sounded amazing. Members of Rattle Tales, the audience at The Latest Music Bar and writers on Skype created a story live from a skeleton of pre-prepared words, themes and actions. There was a lot of shouting and then there was a story! The results will be posted on the Rattle Tales website later this week. Well done to Alice Cunninghame who organised and led the event.

On September 27th, Rattle Tales is helping out with the Short Story Slam at the Small Wonder Festival in Charleston. One of our founders, Lonny Pop, is hosting and members of the group with be setting the tone by reading three-minute shorts on the theme The Shovel. Believe me you want to go to this one if you can. Lonny is a brilliant host; her motto is ‘never yawn!’ There will be no chance of that , when Rattle Tales have finished it’s over to the audience; names pulled from a hat and then three minutes to delight the judges and the chance to win £100. Click here for tickets. There will be another Rattle Tales show next month, keep checking the website for details www.rattletales.org.

The thing I’m looking forward to most in the next few weeks is The Bristol Short Story Prize on Oct 19th. I am utterly thrilled to have made the short-list this year. All year, what I have considered to be my best work, has been rejected by EVERYONE, not even a sniff, no long-lists, no publications, barely even a reply until the Bristol long-list was published in July and my story What Me & Pa Saw In The Meadow was on it! Then came the email telling me I was short-listed and would be included in the anthology. I have several Bristol Prize anthologies and I think the standard and originality of the stories is incredible so I am awed to be included. I am really glad that someone enjoyed reading my story as much as I enjoyed writing it. You will be able to buy a copy on their website.

I leave you with a link to Ode to Autumn by Keats because it’s lovely. I was trying to find a version brilliantly read by a woman (because I’m sure there are some out there and you rarely get to hear one) but I want to get back to my writing and, in my humble opinion, Ben Wishaw reads it as well as it can be read.

Share this:

Like this:

Contact me

Starlings long listed

Starlings has been long listed for the 2012 Edge Hill University Short Story Prize in a year with a record number of entries, sharing company with entries from Edna O'Brien, Hanan Al-Shaykh and Robert Minhinnick.