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Monday, April 23, 2012

Smells like teen spirit!

Hey, you. No, not you, YOU! Yes, you. Come here a minute. I wanna tell you something that I think you need to know.

You stink.

I hate to be the one to tell you, but you do. Like, really bad. It's not body odor, it's your perfume. It's just. Too. Much.

Look, I understand that perfume can be fun to wear. I also understand that many people like to smell a certain way. Some people even create their own scents by layering fragrances. However, when you're going to a meeting place where there will be lots of people sitting in close proximity, you do NOT need to hose yourself down with a cocktail of Jean Nate, Enjoli and Skin So Soft five minutes before you walk in. You really really don't, and I think I speak for everyone when I say QUIT IT!

Maybe you didn't know that your nose becomes immune to scents it's exposed to on a regular basis. It's called olfactory fatigue. Basically, it means that the more we smell something, the less we notice it. That's why farms don't smell bad to farmers. They're used to the smell, and their mind and senses sort of block it out, put it into the background, allowing them to smell other things. That's why some cat owners don't smell the litter box that hasn't been changed since the beginning of the century. That's also why you think your fragrance has "worn off" after only a short time. Just because you can't smell it anymore doesn't mean everyone around you can't. More isn't better. There is no need to asphyxiate the rest of us because you forgot what you smell like.

Think about this. Do you turn the car radio up to impress your fellow drivers with your music selections? Because we're not impressed. We're just annoyed. Your idea of musical brilliance is usually much different than your neighbor's idea. Sure, maybe we wanted to hear your mash-up of Weekend In New England and SuperBass at decibels that make the ground shake...but probably not.

Perfume preference is the same. Most people don't appreciate being nasally assaulted by the extremely pungent "signature fragrances" of others. What smells like a spring day after the rain to you may smell like Deep Woods Off to someone else. And until they put the words "Eau De Toilette" on the label, bug spray will not be cologne. Please, go easy on it.

Call me "Ishmael".

These are the absolutely true stories of Erika - wife, mother of three, and word ninja. When not writing wrongs or battling her nemesis, Dishes Galore, she enjoys poking people with sharp sticks until they make little squeaky sounds. *poke*