AuthorTopic: DOWNY Off the Record...brought to you by DOWNY (Read 1518 times)

DOWNY

This post is going to be different thamost DOWNY posts. Usually I get all hopped up on meth and wasted at the bars and tell you the stories that happened. This time I am going ro just tell it how it iis whirl I am still wasted. I figure, what better waht to capture the DOWNY essence than to just go with the flow. Maybe this post will be less coherent than usual but if you don'y like that you can go @#!* yourself.

To preempt the spelling nazis- @#!* you louder tham bombs. also, @#!* fat people because i hate them and they usually smell like *&^%.

Anyweay so this is just to share the thoughts of DOWNY while he is wasted instead of after he sobers up and thinks about whatever it is he is saying. So tonight sarted off real good. hit upo a couple bars and did a bunch of jaeger bombs. then i was coming home and i realized i was way too drunk to drive. well, i usually drive drunk anyway but this time i just had a bad feeling about it. like when you get on an airplane and there's a middle eastern person on board (just kidding, fuckers.)

so anyway I pull over at Wendy's and go inside to chill out for a bit. I order a big *&^% combo or something terrible and sat down with my friends to eat. we thtough that the wendy's would sober us up. but in reality i think it just tasted like *&^% because i puked in the bathroom. i trited to get it in the trash can but i missed and it hit the floor right in front of the door. so if you guys go to the wendy's on 12th ave take a big step forward if you go into the mens room. at leasti think it was the mens room but no guarantee on that one.

so anyway we finish our disgusint food and take off. on the way home i realized i was still drunk so naturally we went to meijer's and bought another case. it was a night from heaven- hanging out in the downy pad wasted with a new case of labatt blue.

and it got me thinking about the nostalgic days of old. back when i was in undergrad i had the best night ever. we're talking prom night in baghdad. check this *&^% out.

It all started when my and jay met up at blockbuster to get a movie. well, he had the weed and i had the shrooms. i'll skip the details point is we were screwed up. so anyway at this point i was a coach at my former high school. this meant i had keys to the building.WELL, WHAt else are you gonna do when you are so screwed up you can hardly see? Obviously the answer is to go to your old high school at 1 am on a tuesday, let yourself in and roll a joint on your old teacher's desk.

so we go in. the marble floors of the school were black and grey- grey with black flecks. i remember this distinctly because the shrooms hit hard and the black flecks looked like insects running over the ground. the hallways were black except for the glowing red exit sighsn. it was very eerie walking in the near pitch black building. DOWNY half expectd michael myers to jump out and filet him.

we went into the teacher's lounge and they had these pimp couches so i had down. soon my legs started getting the characteristic muscle spasms and cramps of a bad trip. soon i was feeling really ill and considered telling jay to cal 9-11. luckily his better judgement told me to shut the @#!* up. of course the paranoia was setting in. what are we doing here? how did we get in and where is the bathroom? i'm going to piss myself soon. then the cops will come and i'll go to jail.

i snap out of it and look up at a picture of a teacher who passed away soon after i graduated. DOWNY is sad.

we then go to the room of the joint rolling and unlock the door. jay rolls a fatty on the desk while i sit in one of those retarded chair desk attached things and watched the bugs on the floor move.

we smoked, right there in the room. it was pure heaven.

then out of the blue all i hear is RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!

You guessed it. we set off the goddamned fire alarm. within minutes cops and firetrucks poured into the parking lot. of course we were brilliant enoug to leave jay's van right outside the side door, as if we had broken in and wer about to haul *&^% out. well the cops busted that place in and said they were going to arrest me for trespassing and the weed.

well, luckily for us jay is the *&^% and swallowed- yes, he swalled- this whole joint, still burning. that got us off the hook with the weed. Ociffer DickBalls was like "I know you boys have pot. where is it? we're going to find it and then you're going to jail." We said nothing. He found no weed. He did try to grab my package during the search though- note that for the recordf.

so anyway, no weed found = no arrest. then there's the trespassing thing. well, Coach DOWNY just happened to NEED access to the school to prepare for that weekend's football tournament. i was even smart enough to have a playbook with me to make it look like we were coordinating the weekend. Well, Officer Buttfuck really didnt know what to do with this one, so he let us off. Of course people asked me why we were there that late and what set off the smoke alrams. Well, DOWNY just said he brainstorms late at night and that the smoke alarms must have malfunctioned or something.

So jay and I went back to my place and had a few beers. then we played Madden 2004 and watched the Usual Suspects.

Ah nastalgia. Sadly tonight wasnt that sweet except that i puked on the floor at wendy's and i stiffed a parking meter and didnt get a ticket.

tIMES LIKE this really make me reflect on my life. the fact that i took a break from driving home tonight makes me think i am really starting to grow up. DOWNY is becomng a productive memeber of socieit.y

Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow.