Question

When should I tell family members that I'm pregnant?

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I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and I'm not sure when to tell my parents, my brother, and my husband's parents. I've had two miscarriages in the past -- both after I told my relatives I was pregnant. Our families are coming to visit this week. Should I go ahead and tell them in person, or wait until I'm past the first trimester?

Mom Answers

I agree that it's totally up to you when to tell! I miscarried at 10 weeks and definitely told more people that I 'was pregnant'. I'm now 5 weeks along and I'm not telling anyone until I hear a heartbeat. Reason - I don't want to worry my mom. I'm not really worried, but she will be. Also, when I told a couple of friends early the last time, they rattled off statistics about how likely it was going to be that I would miscarry and to not get too excited. Yeah, I don't want to hear that again, so I'm just waiting. We all have our own reasons for telling or waiting. Good luck moms!

I will probably wait to tell everyone that I'm pregnant, because of the weird judgments I'm getting already. I've had two m/cs, so that's in the back of my mind as well. I'm 5 weeks now and have told only two my two closest friends and of course my husband. I have a 9 month old and even with the two friends, they asked me what am I going to do [with the pregnancy]. Have my baby of course, but having another baby so soon after when you're first is still in diapers doesn't seem to be the thing to do. So even though I'm happy and in shock, I'm going to enjoy the moment a little longer because of the judgments, mostly. We're not a well off couple, but we're not living in poverty and can love and provide for another child. I think you should do what feels right. In the end, God willing we'll get to enjoy these babies.

To everyone who is going threw a hard time with your family, just forget it. You are never going to get their approval, so do not try so hard. I see it like this, life is too short for you to be trying to impress people who just want to critcize your actions. They should be happy for you no matter what!! A child is a blessing, so if they do not want to be part of it then let it be. It does not matter how old you are when you get pregnant or how many children you have throughout your life, the point is how you raise them. Show everyone that it is possible to raise your child or children, with or without their approval. No matter what your family values are, family is family and they should just deal with it, that is life. Girls and women get pregnant all the time, no big deal, how you carry yourself afterwards, is what matters. I am 24 weeks pregnant and have problems just like the rest of you, but I say "Oh well!" I am happy with my pregnancy and that is what is important. It is not healthy to be worrying about ridiculous words that have been exchanged. Take care of yourself and your unborn child, that should be your main priority. I hope that I did not offend anyone, but this is my opinion. I am very open minded and I am sorry if I did offend anyone.

Jen I know exactly what you are going through. I am also 18 years old going through the same thing, although I am about 15 weeks pregnant. I am so scared of telling my parents. I have yet the courage to tell them. I am their only daughter and I know that this is going to crush them. I am a freshman in college who sis not plan for this to be this way. Although I can say that I am lucky enough to have a guy who is there for me., but I am having the same crisis that you are. I really want to wait until after the Christmas holiday so that way not to ruin this last Christmas together. I am just so afraid of what they will say.

I have a different reason for not telling people I am pregnant too early. I had 3 children before I had a miscarriage, but that is not why I wait. It seems as though whenever I tell people I am pregnant I have to put up with unwanted advice. And I know this sounds selfish, but I always feel like I am treated more like a carton for carrying a baby rather than a PERSON that is carrying a baby. I can wait for the unwanted attention.
But that is just me...

My first pregnancy we were soooo excited! Between my father and my husband they did all but put up a biilboard...when i miscarried it was a lot of work to get the word out...my
bosses' boss even congratulated me on a conferance call! I say tell your supportsystem...close family and friends that will be there for you in the worst cases...im 5 weeks now with our second pregnancy and we're going to keep it to our closest friends and family.

I think you should tell them now, if you keep prolonging it then it's just going to keep you stressed out & stress isn't good for the baby. I would tell them, it's a joy knowing you have a baby inside of you, and it'll be a relief to you if you tell them.

I go into the OB tomorrow morning. While on vacation with his family, we told them. We didn't receive the responses we deserved. Carrying a child is an amazing thing. It has now been 4 days later and we have yet to tell my family. Based on previous responses we are hesitent. I am recently divorced. My partner is still not but has been trying to disolve his marriage for 14 months now. I'm guessing this is the reason for people's reactions. He and I are so happy. He has a 6 1/2 year old and I have a 4 1/2 year old. They will be really far apart in age, but that also might be helpful. We feel blessed and that everything else will fall into place. I'm a small indivudal and showed very early with my first, so I am afraid that if we don't speak up, you'll see that I am pregnant soon. I'm guessing my gestation to be about 5 to 7 weeks which is a huge difference, Either way, there will be no way of hiding it...

I agree with those who said "there is no safe time". I am approximately 3 weeks, and I had to tell my employer as soon as I found out because of the nature of my job, accomodations needed to be made right away. However, I have been holding off on telling closer family and friends, which I'm now beginning to believe was a mistake, because I went from light spotting to heavy bleeding and now that I'm freaking out, I feel like no one close to me knows so I don't have anyone to talk to about it!
So, it really depends on what kind of person you are. If you are the type who wants to be left alone when you are going through something emotionally difficult, then wait til *you* feel it's "safe" to tell. If you are (like me) a person who needs to talk things out when you are stressed, tell your best friends and most supportive family members as soon as you feel like it so you have someone to talk to and support you if you MC.

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