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Friday, July 31, 2015

Although I am really feeling like North Carolina is my home now, I couldn't think of a better title for this post. And I am really excited to see my family again. I don't see nearly enough of them. I just booked a vacation for our family back to Maine. It has been just about a year since we were back but I am just so darned excited!!

We will be staying in Damariscotta, which is a great place to stay, as well as being so close to the tiny town in which I grew up. And I will be able to have the best thai food at The Best Thai, which is really a great name since it is the best thai. And we will spend a day at the Common Ground County Fair again. I remember that fair when I was growing up, we went for a day while visiting last year, and it is so MUCH BIGGER and better than I ever remembered. Anyone in the area should check it out for at least one day.

What else can I say. I was just thinking about how some movies really have such a powerful effect on my mood, my emotions, my day. I was going to write a whole post about that. Then Jackson and I started talking about our vacations for this year and here we are. Heading home in a couple of months! LOVE IT!

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Today is a cooperative blogging day. And the topic is "dear mother-in-law or ex mother-in-law..." This is a tough one for me as I didn't know Jackson's mother. She died of ALS before I even met him. I know what she looks like from pictures and have a sense of her, only through Jackson's memories. She does come to me occasionally through my dreams. So finding words is difficult.

"Dear Mother-in-Law,

I guess I want to say thank you. Thank you for raising the boy that became the man Jackson is now. Raising boys myself, I know how much of an influence a mother is in those precious lives. I don't know much about your parenting techniques, only what Jackson shares. But because of them or despite them, Jackson is who he is, and for that I am grateful. You raised a caring, compassionate, quiet, strong man, and I love him dearly. I never knew you, but we both love the same individual and we will always have that connection. So that is what I want to say to you, my mother-in-law, thank you."

If you would like to read what Nancy has to say on this topic, hop on over to A Present Moment.

Monday, July 13, 2015

This is a cooperative blogging prompt, and so timely for me, thinking about my parents.

For me the phone call that changed everything was the day my dad called to tell me my mom had died in a car accident. I will NEVER forget that call, how he sounded and what he said.

For me, I was living in Germany at the time, it was afternoon. About the time my mother usually calls to say hi and chat. It was just after she would be getting home from work, winding down, before going to bed, morning in Maine (she worked night shift).

I answered the phone, and all I could hear was horrible sobbing on the phone. I said hi but no one answered or said anything. I remember just saying "dad?" It sort of sounded like it could be my dad but I couldn't tell. All he said was "mom's dead". I remember that feeling of my heart just sinking to the floor, like I would have to scoop it back up and put it back in my chest at some point in time. And I remember asking what happened. He told me that she hadn't come home from work so he thought maybe she had a flat tire or something and he drove out to meet her and help. He said at the end of the road she normally drives, were emergency vehicles, they were not letting any traffic onto that road. He just knew it was her and that something was horribly wrong. He told me that he left his car running at the end of the road, and ran in to find out what was going on, all the while knowing in his heart it was her.

I won't get into details but it was quite far down the road. He saw the accident and said that police would not let him near at all. When they turned around he ran back down the road to his car and actually drove home. He told me all of this through his sobs. I felt devastated for me and for him. I knew that she was his life and that this would be hard for him to get through. It did turn out that, even though he had no way of being positive in that moment that she had died in the crash, his heart was right and she had.

That phone call changed my life in so many ways. Of course the obvious when you lose someone like that, someone so close, that knew you from before the beginning. But in not so obvious ways as well, like I can't drive down the road without thinking of that accident and how you never see that coming. Like how at any given time now I can burst into tears for what seems like no reason at all. How every time Jackson goes to work I say "I love you" because I know that seeing him again is not guaranteed and have a pit in my stomach every day he is late coming home. How I know now, what my children will feel someday, and there is no way to prepare for this. And how every time the phone rings there is a little jump in my heart wondering who is calling and what it is about. How sometimes I just don't want the phone to ring at all. That was the phone call that changed everything for me.

If you would like to read what Nancy had to say about the phone call that changed everything, you can see her over at A Present Moment. What was the phone call that changed everything for you?

Friday, July 10, 2015

I know I posted about my new tattoo when I actually got the new tattoo. But I wanted to follow up with just how much I love this tattoo. My big brother, Jeff, and I got matching tattoos when I was home in Maine. The idea for the DNA was his, but it is just perfect. And I must say that everyone asks me about this tattoo. Everyone assumes there is a story behind the tattoo, and I love telling people about my wonderful brother. I think of him, and how much I love him, every time I look at my tattoo. And now everyone (well maybe not everyone) in Burke County knows how much I love my brother! So all of you back in Maine, next time you see Jeff, tell him I love him, and that I am thinking of him!

A funny note about this post... I had composed this post a few weeks ago, and as I was writing it, my brother sent me a short message telling me that he thinks of us when he looks at his tattoo, so appropriate that we were thinking the same thing at the same time. I had to wait out a poison ivy rash to take a picture and actually post. One of many poison ivy rashes of the season I am sure, but that is a story for another time.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

I changed out my Spring Altar for my Summer one last month, but before I did I took a couple of pictures. Here is the first picture:

Notice anything different? I have two new additions to my altar space. They are gorgeous Goddess figures. I picked them up from a friend on etsy, well she is my friend now as she makes the most amazing Goddess figures. Her etsy store is https://www.etsy.com/shop/gislebertus And I just love her figures! I think everyone should have at least one Goddess figurine in the house.

The taller one is just the colors I love, the purple/blue tones with the touch of green in there, and the yellow one is just so bright and sunny. They are just perfect. So if you have a minute stop by her shop and say Hi!

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Funerals are just so hard. Luckily they are few and far between for me. I always leave mentally exhausted. And yes, you know that person hysterically crying, that would be me. I can't go to any funeral and not be reminded of how hard it is to lose someone close to you. Just being there brings it all flooding back.

This time I didn't know the deceased, but his daughter is a friend of mine. She is a strong woman, and I know she will get through this. But it will be hard. I just feel for her. I know what it is like to have those waves of emotion that just take over, sometimes so unexpectedly. I can be driving to town, or in the middle of watching a movie and just burst into tears remembering how much I miss my parents. How I wish I could call my mom and ask for advice or just talk, ask my dad for help. I know she is missing her dad right now. I want to tell her "time heals all wounds", but I am still waiting for that to happen.

For me it has been almost 19 years without my dad. And I still break down at unexpected moments. I do think it gets a little easier, in that I remember the great times we shared, I talk to my boys about the memories, good and bad. But I saw her sitting there at the funeral and my heart just ached for her, knowing what lies ahead. My heart ached for my parents....just sitting there remembering. It's hard learning to live in a world without that special someone. I know some of you know exactly what I am talking about, and luckily some of you do not. Please keep my friend in your thoughts.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us.It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."