It’s graduation season and I offer my sincere congratulations to all of you grads on your accomplishments. For some of you, I want to wish you the best of luck as you move on to the next level of education. I want you to try your best. I want you to take on all challenges with a positive attitude. I want every mistake to be a great learning opportunity.

For the others, I want a steak burrito with pinto beans, guacamole, hold the rice, and put some diablo sauce on it.

I’m not sure if I ever mentioned it, but I got suckered into going to a Catholic high school in Chicago. My brothers, who had finished college by the time I went to HS, convinced my dad that I wouldn’t get as good of an education at their public alma mater. My oldest brother suggested a Catholic school, which I loudly objected, “Noooooo!!!!” The other one suggested a military academy, to which I said, “Which Catholic school?”

How bad was it? Two words – ALL BOYS. Sure there was an all-girls school right next door, but for all intents and purposes they were 800 miles away. And trust me, there weren’t any girls that looked like the ones in the video for this week’s Guilty Pleasure – Nightranger’s 1984 hit, “Sister Christian.”

I really don’t understand the video. It shows this beautiful girl at her graduation, walking the halls of her school reflecting back at her time there. From what we can see in the black and white flashbacks, she was the shy, nerdy, wallflower type who longed to hang out with the cool kids. Then, during the obligatory guitar solo, she is seen sneaking into Nightranger’s rehearsal. As the guitarist unplugs from his amplifier, it comes crashing down to reveal the girl. Horrified at being caught, she runs away in embarrassment. In the next flashback, the girl is with friends in a local diner and they spot the band at a booth. They decide to go to the bathroom and primp to impress, walking out with sexy, mature looks on their faces – only to find the band left. Then, finally, you see the girl and friends walk out of the school doors after graduation to jump in a convertible with Nightranger, who are obviously their besties now.

What just happened? They went from empty diner booth to best friends? Where was the character development shit? Is sitting in on a Nightranger rehearsal that transformative? I think they skipped a whole bunch of events in the middle that were crucial to the story. And they obviously cut out the very next scene – where the band gets busted for messing around with minors.

But there’s one big, giant sin that goes beyond this video. It’s one lesson that I want you recent graduates to take away from this rant. One golden rule that, if you remember it, will help you out in many situations. And that’s this – drummers shouldn’t sing. Especially ones that wear only one wristband.

In Spinal Tap they did! But in real life I think they’re indestructible. There’s the one-armed drummer from Def Leppard and Blink 182’s Travis Barker survived a plane crash. There’s the curse on guitarists who play Fender Strats – Jimi, Buddy Holly, Stevie Ray Vaughan. But that’s for another day…. THanks for stopping by!