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In Between a Rock and a Hard Place…

I mentioned in yesterday’s post that my little business venture (not even considering what would be my ultra dream job because that’s not attainable at all) has probably been derailed permanently. I am in between a serious rock and a hard place and I just do not know what to do or how to proceed, because it’s a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation for sure.

So, with that, here’s the scoop: my sister’s second kid is due in October. That will put her having two kids by two different fathers. I’m not so judgmental of that situation in and of itself, after all my sister and I have different biological fathers and let’s face it – shit just happens. However, when you have mom, dad, sister, BIL + two little kids living in a 3 bedroom/2 bath house, well, you can see how that just doesn’t work. Also, I come and go quite frequently due to work (the crane business involves a lot of travel after all) but their house is also technically my permanent residence even though I’m only here less than a quarter of the time so you can see how this is a sticky situation for all parties involved.

With that, it’s clear we need a bigger place – a house big enough to fit all of us in comfortably. This means 5 bedrooms, 3 baths and a large common living area and kitchen. We just don’t have that here. Time to look for a new place, which is stressful in and of itself.

Well that’s stressful but manageable right? Well, here’s where the real stress comes in and what’s liable to totally derail my vision to own a cigar & liquor lounge permanently – I’m the only one in my family with good credit.

My poor dad was seriously injured on his job in 2005, my senior year of high school. He was an independent distributor for a local bakery and as such he had no insurance. He blew out his already bad knee which had to be completely reconstructed. No insurance + reconstructive surgery? Can you say massive medical bills? That combined with a lack of disability insurance put a major financial strain on them at the time that they just could not recover from.

My dad was out of work for well over a year, I was a broke undergrad and my sister was way too young to work. All that was a recipe for financial ruin, and that’s exactly what happened. Their previously unblemished credit went down the shitter in short order. They got behind on everything through no fault of their own and have never been able to recover.

Now, my sister I’m a little less sympathetic to her situation. She went out-of-state to college, goofed off instead of went to class, failed out, defaulted on a student loan and racked up several medical bills from her first pregnancy. As such, her credit is about as rock-bottom as it gets when it comes to American credit rating formulae. As far as brother-in-law? Hah. He’s got credit card fraud on his record. His credit sucks even worse!

So where does that leave us? My parents’ credit is fucked, sister’s and B-I-L’s credits are both super-mega-assfucked, but despite having a medical issue 9 years ago that bankrupted me also, I have managed to clean my credit up and although my credit isn’t completely perfect, I can get approved for just about anything. As such, guess who would have to be the primary borrower for a new place? You guessed it: ME.

Now, as my younger sister and B-I-L are in their respective situations due to their own doing, if it was just them in the picture I’d tell them to sort out their own problems. However, with one kid already here and another on the way, that is so much harder of a thing to contemplate. I’m less worried about their well-being (I couldn’t care less honestly, they’re both fuck-ups) as I am the well-being of my 3-year-old nephew and soon to be newborn niece. Of course, my poor parents I’m super sympathetic to for putting up with their shit for this long and I gotta give them credit for doing it. I wouldn’t have had the patience myself!

So having, for all intents and purposes, dependents puts me in such a bad spot. What the hell do I do? If I do the bleeding-heart liberal thing and agree to take on what would be a total mortgage, well I would never make enough money owning a cigar and liquor lounge to pay that mortgage plus all my other living expenses. In essence, I’d be signing myself away to indentured corporate servitude for the rest of my life. Leaf & Barrel Cigars & Whiskey? Fuh-fucking-geddaboutit.

Now, option B would be to be a selfish prick and pursue my own interests at the expense of the two kids especially. See, shit like this is why I don’t want kids of my own, but it’s like I’m being thrust into much of the stress and sticky situation of having to be a parent (in an indirect way). Alas, if I take option B I fear for the kids’ future especially, as well as keeping all kinds of stress on my parents.

Man does this situation suck the big one. I truly do not know what I should do. With option A I’m sacrificing my own goals and dare I say my own mental health and would no doubt drive me into a deep depression long-term and possibly/probably even suicide (due to being stuck in jobs I hate, but pay well, forevermore), with option B I’m potentially harming my nephew and soon-to-be niece. This situation really, really fucking sucks all the way around.

So dear readers, I open up the question to you: If you were in my shoes, what would you do? I hope some of you chime in and maybe even send me private messages because I really want someone I can talk through this with. It’s a major decision that is going to have major ramifications one way or another. Like I feel myself getting sick just thinking about the gravity of this decision. I’ve been faced with difficult decisions in the past, but they all pale in comparison to this one.

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7 thoughts on “In Between a Rock and a Hard Place…”

Well, what do we do? I’m also trying to take care of a little girl that isn’t mine while trying to live with a house full of mental health concerns.
Look, I know shit happens. However, the adults that are able to work have an obligation to fucking work, especially with children involved. The adults that cannot work need to be seeking out alternative incomes.
Now, my woman decided a few weeks ago to back her hours down to 15 per week to deal with the kids being out of school. I told her it was a bad idea, but she did it anyway. One paycheck on that schedule threw her into a panic realizing she can’t even cover rent now.
I hate to be the asshole, too. But, I’m so pissed off at her, I can barely say anything. Once again, rent is late and there’s a palpable threat of another eviction. My thing is that unemployment is at record lows, work from home options are at record highs, and in some states employers openly advertise no whiz quiz for hiring. What the fuck is everyone’s excuse for not having income again??
You tell your sis and her man that if they expect their children to be happy, they better pull their pants up! I don’t talk to my parents, and they can go straight to the fucking grave for all I care. Why? Because they acted exactly like that, didn’t take care of their family, and kept my sis and I in poverty our entire childhoods. My sister found out in her heart to forgive them, but I can’t. I can’t forgive stupid choices that result in everyone suffering, especially the kids.
It’s not a rock and a hard place, it’s two people’s wills against yours. Don’t forget that you hold the power, here.

Well, credit is only one piece of it. For that matter, you could still assist them with your credit to get them into their own place. When I didn’t have credit history, I got into a place that considered my savings (just over 6 months rent worth) in lieu of credit history. The place I’m in now accepted all four of us with a recent eviction and only one income at the time.
Have they looked for social help? WIC would be the first place to start. I would be shocked if there wasn’t a low cost housing program to sign on to. I know it’s not always appealing, but the one here puts people up for about 60% of the lowest rent otherwise available. It’s a long road to recovery, but there is a way.

Also, my apologies for the assumptions. I clearly just projected myself into your situation, and didn’t catch it until after I hit send. 😣
I do respect you and your situation, and I hope you can forgive my ignorance.

If option A leaves you anticipating depression and contemplating suicide, then option B is infinitely preferable. If you commit suicide (or lose your job due to depression) everybody would be worse off with option A. And what if you sister has three more children with three different fathers? What exactly would you be obligating yourself to?
Home ownership (with a huge mortgage) isn’t the only option. They can rent.

I would do option B in a second. The alternative is accepting your sister and her family will treat you like a doormat and money tree forever. Give them a hard deadline to get out, and hold them to it!