Monday, May 29, 2006

MEMORIAL DAY

Happy Memorial Day to all..... This holiday has not been a tradition to our family. I wonder if it is an American Tradition and has not been a part of the Norwegian traditions. So we just do not do this..... Visiting the graves of all of loved ones who have passed. It is not like we don't think or love our deceased, but just has not been a tradition to visit the graves on this weekend. Each year my parents will go sometime during this week and clean and plant flowers on their parents and my older brothers graves. This brings me to my thoughts....

I have an older brother.... Rolf*. Sadly 17.5 years ago he decided that he no longer wanted to live. There is not a day that does not go by that I do not think of him. I have things I miss about him, stuff I want to tell him, and share with him... He is the one who I feel is watching over my Tate as I wait for her. This feeling has great comfort for me because I feel strongly that there is an afterlife and even though Rolf decided to end his own life, he is loved and excepted into Heaven. I drive past the cemetary often but do not seem to go into and find his grave. My parents are out of town this year in Florida visiting my sister. This year I was thinking that I should be the one to take care of his grave. Something I dreaded but knew I need to do. Yesterday my younger Brother, John*, called and asked if I wanted to join his family in visiting the graveside. I am so touched by John's thoughts but I am so emotional about the whole thought of being in a cemetary with all sorts of famlies each one remembering and loving their deceased. I know that this will be a cry- fest since as I write and contemplate this I am teary..... I know that we will sit around and remember him and talk about him.....

I am not sure if I am up to this.... Nor do I understand why we pick one day a year to remember our deceased loved ones. Everyday is a day I remember and love Rolf.

P.S. *Rolf is the father of the three beautiful grown nieces.John is the father of Twinkle Toes and Sparkle and well as two strapping Teen boys.

9 comments:

I'm so sorry to hear about this. You can speak to your brother from anywhere you want to. If going to the cemetary is not all that comfortable for you - just talking to him when you are driving your car is fine. I am a strong believer in the afterlife as well. I am not sure I understand why some people pick one day a year either...but different strokes for different folks as they say. I hope that you found peace with whatever you decided to you!!

I know what you mean. I lost my husband in January. I think about him everyday, wherever I am. I didn't even think to get flowers for his grave until Sunday. I don't think of him at the cemetary; he is in my heart.