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Quiet Reflections and Prayers

I found it was possible and simpler than I had imagined to soften my experience in my heart and in the world.

I began by taking the reigns of my own healing journey, while dropping the struggle at the same time. Help showed up as needed, but it was when I really began to live from my inner heart space that I began to experience tenderness.

I found life really does work as a mirror. And so I focused on being my inner healer and living out of a formless, creative space,. My inner experience immediately became a place of reprieve. After a while, I understood that trauma and past patterns could be held and transformed in a natural, organic way. I learned to trust my inner healer to show me just enough in each moment and to catch all the pieces of my heart each time I tossed them up or whenever life became too heavy.

I found peace in the deep knowing that all things could be viewed as being in a state of continuous transformation into tenderness.

Every single creative project I entered as well as every life challenge reflected the serenity to be found as I surrendered ever more deeply into this organic movement. Instead of trying so hard to struggle against this natural process, I learned to return to the quiet prayer within and allow outer movement to follow.

I began to notice small moments of natural tenderness and a faint whisper of a wordless prayer in my heart. It was the opposite of the struggle to push away pain and impossible to ignore because I had known such huge contrast.

After a while, it was most natural to remain open to experiences and the slightest sign or hint of the beginnings of tenderness.

I found all things eventually reached the point where I had no real option but to let go and trust in a higher wisdom. Trying to hold on too tightly had never really worked out.

Again and again, I was faced with increasingly complex experiences where my only hope was to trust I would be met and guided by my healer self with each step. In those moments, I wasn’t depending on my own limited sense of self in a separate body. I was in a state of listening prayer.I was deeply present and receptive to higher inspiration, wherever it came from.

I let go of all forms of thought that didn’t feel like higher inspiration. All stories in my mind that reinforced separateness had to be set down — if only for a moment.

There was pain in returning to wholeness. It was painful to reach back to parts of myself stuck in the past. And it was painful to begin to feel the pain of others as my own pain.

But there was no turning back. There was a tenderness in tapping into truth that I was unwilling to let go of again. And so I continued to meet each unfolding moment from a state of prayer — trusting in life to meet me. It felt like a huge risk. I had been in that place before.

Maybe it was seeing the stories on the surface become unbearable that made jumping into the unknown seem less scary for a moment. Perhaps it was having been touched so deeply by the sharing of others or the desire to play a part in the shattering of old patterns of suffering. Perhaps it was a combination of these things that caused my heart to make a gesture to future generations through healing and softening my own heart a little more. How could I not?