Let’s talk about this blog. To be honest, I have lost in interest in blogging. More accurately, I have I lost interest in photography, as I have always disliked writing. To me right now, time is scarce and valuable, which doesn’t go well with my inability to write within any reasonable amount of time. I want to quit blogging and already have for the most part. The monthly life and loot posts are all that is left, and still, that is too much for me to handle. My degree of neglect is to the point of never wanting to pick up my camera ever again. I have more important things to do.

However, as much reasons and excuses I give myself, stopping this blog entirely means giving up my memories during this period. That is something I cannot do. And so, everything is delayed and on hiatus while I work out a new way of approaching things.

I have started to take life easy and slow, no longer forcing myself. I have a clearer idea of what I want to do, how to accomplish them, and what I must do right now. At the same time, I realize and accept my incompetence, as well as recalling upon my life philosophies. Before anything else, I must regain myself, the person I truly am, before I can be who I want to be. It is a great feeling to immerse in my hobbies without constraints, for my true path lies within there. //Continue Reading//

June, half way into 2017. In this year, I have been through tough times and even despaired, but since April, various aspects of my life here started to improve. This month, I have been offered a chance overturn my current stalemate of a situation. Finally within reach is the position of remaining in Japan under a stable and enjoyable environment while building up resources for the future. A favorable living environment, a stable balance of time and money, a promising path to the future, the results of which was an especially busy month. During my free time, I enjoyed whatever I can, an attempt to reduce my stuffed backlog of things to do. On days off, I visited explored potential paths for the distant future. Things are getting better, and I must make full use of the time I can now afford.

On the 2nd – finished the second volume of Bakemonogatari. I have been reading the novels of Bakemonogatari since January and I wanted to finish the second book by the end of May. I had about a hundred pages left and sadly fell short of my goal by a couple days. //Continue Reading//

Years and years ago, during my high school days, I promised myself that by the age of 24, I will be living in Japan. I just turned 24.

It was a wish that came half true at best. I may be currently present in Japan, however I am far from having settled down or even know for how much longer I can continue to stay in Japan. In addition, I am unable to live freely, constrained by many things. I am here but not here. Never had I thought my life would travel down this path.

As for my birthday itself, the day wasn’t how I wished it was. I wanted to spend at least the early morning out and about alone, if not the entire day. But things came up. The best I could do, was to buy myself a small dessert in place of a cake while indulging the darkness of night.

Much like my 14th or 16th birthday, 24 was a number I wanted to be special. But of course and of course, nothing happened. An empty promise, an empty birthday. But perhaps, one day…

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For a long time, since years and years ago, I have wanted to read light novels. Not every book gets its own anime series and even for those that did, the anime usually could cover only the first few volumes and rarely all the way to the end. Thus, if one is a fan of a series that was originally a light novel series, one would have to read the light novels to know the story beyond the anime. Although this applies to manga as well, manga is a lot easier (and more fun) to read than light novels. So, for the month of May, I received one package, a single set of loots. Without any additional babble, let’s go straight to seeing what the loots are.

For a long time, I have been wanting to dash forward, to leap, and to chase after my goals and dreams in life. Last month had some rough situations but my friends and I were able to seize an incredibly rare opportunity at the last minute, and now I live in a spacious two story house with just the three of us. Finally, my living circumstances are falling into place. Perhaps now is my chance? This month was a chance indeed, however I had too much luggage for me to sprint. Too much I couldn’t let go, too much things to do, too weak to do them, too little time for all of them.

Not much on the desk. Still deciding where everything should be placed.

The first week of May was Golden Week. My second time experiencing it, and although it would be nice to use Golden Week to build a model or draw an illustration, I knew that it still wouldn’t be enough time to complete anything even if I devoted every single day to a specific project. Instead, I re-watched the first season of Gundam 00 with my friend Lettuce who watched it for his first time, finishing it over two sittings. Lettuce came over at night on Wednesday the 3rd and stayed over until Friday morning. We were able to watch up to episode 19, while introducing him the details of the model kits of the mobile suits that were showing up. We also played a little bit of Rockman.EXE where we explored the back internet area and slowly proceeded in the story, walking around 官庁街 (governmental district) and investigating the missing water incident by trying to get into the water department. Next time, I visited Lettuce’s apartment on the Sunday the 7th and finished the remaining episodes of Gundam 00 1st season. He enjoyed it and looked forward to watching the 2nd season. Also during Golden Week, I chat with chat with my brother and played a couple Gundam breaker 2 challenge missions on the 6th. //Continue Reading//

Prior to coming to Japan, I had believed that there is no such thing as a wasted effort. Everything I have done had a purpose and will connect together at some point to mean something in some way. That was a motivation message I took to heart from Danny Choo, a person that played a role in my exposure to Japan. Those words were true. That was how I came to learn Japanese, by simply doing what I loved and immersing myself in my hobbies. Every moment I spent watching anime, reading in games, listening to broadcasts, and singing songs formed my language skill level today. Never had I thought I would be become this fluent in Japanese.

In other moments of my life, the things I have done and spent time on may not have led to an accomplishment, but they definitely resulted in something, such as connecting to a new hobby or met new friends. Or sometimes just plainly, I had fun. Many things in my life were all by chance, coincidences stacked upon coincidences through the decisions I made and eventually took its shape into what is my life. I am everything I have ever done.

But, I recently begin to question the thought that there is no such thing as a wasted effort. I ask myself, what was my time in Japan in the last 7 months for? What has it accomplished me and contributed to? I lost a friend, used up my brother’s and parent’s money, and still I am exhausting my time. What I have gained were the engravings of loneliness, despair, and dread into my soul, getting a taste of the life of all work and no free time, simply surviving the day and envied those who can afford food. Is going through these feelings again and again necessary for something? What do these experiences lead to? What am I suffering for? With regards to positive events, I attended my first ever gunpla expo and saw Kawaguchi Meijin in person, watched the impactful SAO movie in theaters, and now being able to hang out in Japan with another close friend. They were fun and inspirational moments. But could I make something out of them?

I feel and fear that the path I am walking on may be a dead end. The best that I can think of is that my time in Japan up until now were there to make me reconsider the future that I truly want to pursue. However, I cannot see beyond that.

In the movie ひるね姫 ～知らない私の物語～, there was a scene where the protagonist, ココネ (Kokone, a high school girl), was told by an old man to not waste any time in life because life is short. Kokone replies by asking when did life started to feel short because she feels that life is incredibly long and distant.

Ever since then, I too wondered the same. Life should be long and distant. But for me right now, life seems short and time passes fast. To answer Kokone’s question, life and time started to feel short around when I was graduating from university. The possible reasons why are plentiful, and I don’t have an exact answer I decided upon yet.

What I do know however, is that I want to regain that feeling I had lost with respect to the passage of life and time, to once again live at my own pace, to stand in the position of Kokone’s outlook on life. //Continue Reading//

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This month, I had loots coming from various sources: purchases made in stores, bonuses from movie theaters, online orders, and also gifts from friends. Most of the items this month were unplanned purchases that I just happened to stumble upon by chance, and given the opportunity of crossing paths with me, I had to buy them.

This month was far from smooth sailing. The seas were rough and the storm is still ongoing. However, I am here. I found a path to survival. My situation has improved. My wish and dream of attaining a stable daily life and to live together with friends, was realized in an unexpected way. Although a small version of what I had envisioned, this small happiness alone took me 7 months to reach. A taste of what I want to achieve.

I have moved into my friend March’s place where a room had opened up. It was the house I used to be in when I first arrived in Chiba but then I moved out for a modern apartment, and now I am back. Having an entire room to myself, plus being friends with the housemates now, it is not bad. But of course, the world would not let me have it easy. Circumstances arose and this house would be closed down at the end of the month. I had only just moved back in and now in a few weeks, we all have to leave. I will enjoy my time here as much as I can. //Continue Reading//

Finally, my 4 years of college ends and now I must move back to my old room at my parent’s place in the bay area. Prior to moving back in, I went through a great deal of effort to renew the interiors of the room, the process of which you can see over here in this page.

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The view you are presented with upon entering the room. Feel free to compare this 2015 version of my room to how it was in 2012.