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I’m laying on my couch, alone, in the dark, wrapped up in a super plush, awesome blanket. My 18 month old is sleeping and I NEED a nap. But I can’t sleep. As much as I want too, as much as I know a nap will prevent me from being cranky tonight, I feel a tug in my heart to get up and grab the computer and type.

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I’m currently reading Let’s All Be Brave, Living A Life With Everything You Have by Annie Downs. (OMG! As I googled things to link to her name, I came across this. Even after staring at her picture on the back cover, I didn’t realize I know her. Well, I don’t actually know her but I feel like I do. I’ve been listening to her for months while doing the IF Equip daily devotions. Now I love her even more!) READ.THIS.BOOK! Stop what you are doing right now, after you finish reading my blog of course, and head to Half Priced Books, or wherever you like to pay full price for books, and buy a copy!!!

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We have a notion that being brave requires us to do big things. Like sell your home, give everything you own to the poor and move to a 3rd world country. Yes, that is brave, but is it for everyone? Absolutely not! Roaches cause me to cry, sweat, cuss and have a heart rate that is deadly for my body. I need to live in a country where I can run like a mad woman and empty a whole can of RAID on one bug.

I don’t feel brave. Sure, I’ve had brave moments but that’s all…moments. Most of the time I allow a lie to creep into my head and I dwell on it till I’m crying over this created situation and completely living in fear. I’m very open about fear. I’ve blogged about it, cussed about it, cried about it, laughed about it, preached about it, done women’s events about it. I even have a tattoo on my forearm to look at everyday to remind me that Jesus is right beside me and to believe Him and not the lie. Because that’s all fear is, a lie that we have started to believe. We have a choice, do we believe the lie or the truth. It seems so simple yet it is so hard.

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I haven’t completely kicked fear’s butt, but I remember the day I had enough. The day I threw the first punch.

I was at a women’s conference and Lisa Harper did a bravery alter call. I knew she was talking to me, but to answer an alter call, takes courage, an act of bravery which is exactly what I was lacking at that moment of my life. (If you’ve ever answered an alter call, you know what I mean!) I found it ironic, asking fearful women to walk up to the alter, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, to receive prayer on bravery. I knew I had to walk up but my feet were glued to the floor. I was right next to my pastor’s wife, my friend, my mentor, the woman that reminds me to breath. She thought I was brave. My husband and I quit jobs, sold our house, and moved to the big city to help plant a church with her and her husband, along with a few other crazy couples! That’s brave ya’ll!

But I can’t consider myself brave because I’ve done brave things. I was currently living a life wrapped in fear. I was a fake, my facade of bravery had finally crashed down all around me (and it had the audacity to do it in public not in the nice private comfort of my own home. How Rude!) I had no choice but to walk up to the front.

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Being brave isn’t doing big things. It’s what you do everyday. It’s facing sickness head on. It’s daily walking into a job that you know isn’t your dream job but it’s where you are now. It’s falling in love. It’s waking up and getting out of bed. It’s saying yes to certain things and no to others. It’s admitting you’re wrong and saying please forgive me. It’s walking away from something bad for you. It’s closing a door and daring to imagine you life differently. It’s writing that check. It’s getting on that plane.

You know what your next step of bravery looks like. You know what you have to do. Do it my friend! Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord, your God, will be with you where ever you go. Joshua 1:9 Do it and have confidence in yourself and the talents God gave you.

If you need help being brave today, listen to No Longer Slaves by Bethel. Now that you’re feeling fiesty listen to It Is Well. Have the courage to admit that even tho your life may not look like what you thought it would, it is well and you have trust that you are exactly where God has you and HE.IS.WITH.YOU. When Jesus died on the cross and the veil was torn, in THAT moment, we gained direct access to Him. That His presences hovers over us and give us boldness.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not sentimental. I throw everything away. I don’t need 50 pictures of my kid’s foot prints or the pumpkin they drew in pre-K or the “clay pot” they made in art class. I don’t hold on to Christmas cards, I throw them away, all of them, every year (sorry if you have sent me one, ever.)

We go camping every year on Labor Day. I married into this tradition, my husband’s family has been going every year for 31 years and he hasn’t missed one yet. It was mentioned that the camp site we have been going to for the last 8 years is being sold and this could possible be the last year we spend at this camp site. This news, kinda made me sad, but not too sad because like I said, I’m not sentimental.

But I will miss a certain Cypress tree there. This tree is magnificent. You may or may not believe in God but there is something about this tree that screams miraculous. You can’t be in the vicinity of this tree and not feel its power. You can’t stand next to this tree and not feel small, like there is something bigger out there.

This tree has to be at least 500 years old and I so wish it could talk. I can only imagine the things it has seen and conversations it has heard. This tree is so enormous only a portion fits in the picture. The 4 tiny people at the bottom is my family.

This tree was around when it was just the Native Americans roaming the land. It is majestic and I wonder how many people were married under it’s branches. I wonder how many people found solace in it’s shade. This is kinda cryptic, but I wonder how many people have been buried by it, because honestly, can you think of a better tombstone? It’s on the Frio River, how many floods has it stood up too? How many droughts has it weathered?

What conversations has it heard? “Will you marry me?” “Honey…we need to talk.” How many desperate people have cried out to God wondering if He really exists and if He really sees/cares about/loves them?

This tree has seen me pregnant three times. This tree has seen my 7.5 year old daughter for 1 week every year of her life. How many other kids have grown up with this tree? How many pictures is it in? This is our most recent camping picture, we take one just like it every year. 45 people fit in front of 1 branch. Gosh, I sure wish it could talk.

Large cypress trees will grow where thorn bushes were. Myrtle trees will grow where weeds were. These things will be a reminder of the Lord’s promise, and this promise will never be destroyed. Isaiah 55:13

I believe God is showing His mightiness and His love for us through this tree.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.