Monday, February 25, 2013

My life feels like a merry go round. Except its not one of the fun ones you ride as a kid. It's actually terrifying because its spinning so quickly and there's no way to get off. You can't even look out and see all that's around you you can only focus on what's right ahead. Try to switch places and you might fall. I don't like this because I feel so dizzy and just so tired I want to jump off even though I know I'll hurt myself I want it to stop so badly or at least for it to turn a little bit more slowly please?

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I am scared to love someone because what if they leave what then. I know I haven't been as close with my friends lately and I'm guessing its because I've been spending way more time with him but if he leaves I'll have no one. It's so scary but I don't want my being scared to get in the way of a good thing because I've never met someone who makes me feel so special or loved or important and I need that I really do

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

I'm catching up on the bachelor and in the episode Sean the bachelor takes 2 girls with chronic illnesses to an amusement park with him and his date and basically makes their lives. And guess what they have mitochondrial disease aka the disease Julia has I thought that might have been what they had before they even said it and I am just crying so much watching them you can tell they are sick but they are just so happy and it's the farthest thing from their minds. And this isn't just a "tough time" they will go through because this disease will only get worse and take over more and more of their bodies until they can't do anything anymore until it kills them. I just can't stop crying I hate that this has taken over my sisters life because I just want her to be happy like those girls and like every teenage girl should be. Life is so unfair and I hate it honestly what I would do to trade my life in so she could live one Jesus Christ it kills me that I can't and there's nothing I can do and it's too late I feel like the sadness inside of me will always be there and never go away why did it have to happen life is just so terrible sometimes