On Friday, December 17, I was arrested and charged with a Class B Misdemeanor, the first time I have been arrested and charged with anything.

Over the next seven days and six nights that I spent in the custody of the authorities awaiting bail, I found my wife of six years, the woman I had given my life and love to, had decided she had had enough of me, saying I had hurt her emotionally and she could trust, rely on or understand me. She intends to file for divorce next month.

I would guess I should have seen this coming. She had told me the feelings she had had for me before were not the same, and this was something she had been agonizing over for a while. It is not easy when the woman you love and are married to lives 200 miles away across the border in Canada. She would come over once a month and stay a weekend, but there was a five month period this year when she had been out of work due to an infection in her right leg. As I am sure you can understand, separation does not always make the heart grow fonder.

What I do know is I love her very, very much. She was my best friend, my lifeline, my reason for being. She helped fill the void in my life. I could apologize ten thousand times and tell her that, yes, I was not the husband she expected me to be. I know I failed her, and I not about to stand in her way when it comes to divorcing me, even if I am of the ilk those vows I took over six years ago were supposed to mean something. She needs a release, to not have to worry about getting me up to Canada or if I have money or food anymore. She needs that break.

I just would like it if we could at least be speaking terms, waving hi to each other on the phone or the net, trading e-mails and cards and so forth.

The other thing that scares me though is the possibility I may go back to jail. Even if it is my first offense, and a misdemeanor, I may still go back. Those days I had been inside scared me like nothing else in a very long time. I know I did something incredibly stupid and there is not a moment where I do not think about how I should have turned left instead of right that day. I also know I must take responsibility for my actions. I just don't want to go back to jail.

I have been praying ever since then for two simple things:

1) Terri (my wife) can receive the solace she is searching for and want to at least talk to me again.

2) That I get probation.

For those that are wondering: I have done enough stupid things. That is one stupid thing I will never do.

As much as I hate to admit it, yes, men do cry. I am right now. I am sorry.

Yup, Amherst labeled the safest community many years in a row. The cops there are tough.

Massachusetts, if I go near that state the cops smell me and I end up in jail. I was arrested 20+ years ago and still have a warrant out for my arrest. No one knows why, no one can tell me how to get rid of it. I even asked a judge 10 years ago about the statute of limitations, he said it doesn't apply in Mass.

I come from a family of cops, 2 cousins on Mass State police and my Grand Father was a Chief of Police in Hopkinton.

9
posted on 12/27/2004 9:16:17 AM PST
by The Mayor
(let the wisdom of God check our thoughts before they leave our tongue)

They are tough, but they seem to be at least reasonable. I was given an opportunity to post bail prior to arraignment, which was $250. I did not have it, so I was forced to wait it out and the judge hit me with $500 cash bail, $1500 bond. Again, my family got me bailed out.

You still think I could get probation? I honest to God do not want to go back to jail, believe me.

The details are critical before I could answer that honestly. But, misdemeanors usaually don't carry a jail sentence especially if this is the first time you have ever been arrested and don't have a record.

11
posted on 12/27/2004 9:37:00 AM PST
by The Mayor
(let the wisdom of God check our thoughts before they leave our tongue)

Oh my.. I am not a lawyer & have no money to help with but I do know that all the messes over the years I have found myself into have worked out despite the hopelessness that seemed there for what seemed an eternity

When I was in business and a "wheeler-dealer" of sorts & was having some BIG time problems , a good friend told me to use this formula:

what is the worse thing that could happen to you? (for you, you have shared that it is to go back to jail)

second thing to do is ask your self , can you get through it? (NOT DO YOU LIKE IT BUT CAN YOU SURVIVE?)(and I think you could)..

once you step over that threshold of knowing that even if you don't like it, YOU CAN HANDLE IT, gives you a lot of peace & I sense that is where you are right now.. deserted by wife, in a criminal mess & rather a frazzle.

I will pray for you and do hope you continue to share via this forum & perhaps via email or FReep mail with The Mayor who is close to you geographically & seems to have walked in your shoes.

God BLess you Houmatt.. you will get through this, you will and will be a better person for it.

We can handle the women thing for you when the other is finished .... *wink*

Dear Houmatt, place your trust in the Lord. He does not assign burdens too heavy for us to carry. If the load nonetheless seems crushing, ask Him to help you carry it. You never know, but in the end much good may come from what now seems so irredeemably bad and difficult for you. I'll be praying for you and your wife. God bless each of you, and by His Light and Grace lead you to His love, truth, and peace.

All I want to be able to do as far as my wife is concerned is at least maintain a friendly relationship with her.

I know my marriage is over. But I emotionally invested seven years of my life into that woman. She was the one I turned to when I needed someone to talk to; when I was lonely or upset.

I can assure you there is not a single person on this planet who knows me better than she does.

I am reminded of the song Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now):

How can I just let you walk away? Just let you leave without a trace? When I stand here taking every breath with you, ohoo You're the only one who really knew me at all How can you just walk away from me? When all I can do is watch you leave? Cuz we shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears You're the only one who really knew me at all

Houmatt, My prayers going up for you right now. God's love and protection in your life. Also praying for your wife...that she may find what she needs most...peace. I am sorry you have gone through these things, and I will keep you in my prayers.

May God hold you close to Him now and give you peace and strength to endure. May He soften your wife's heart and bring her back to you. May He also influence the justice system so that you will not have to go back to jail. All of this we pray in Jesus' name.

Actually, she had come down from Canada to Houston seven years ago to be with me. That is where I married her. But she was not happy there with the homesickness and all and I told her we would go back up as soon as we could.

That happened last year, when the company she worked for sold off her division. We came up here, but she said she was going to live with her parents until she could get her own place to crash. For reasons still not clear to me, the option of living up there while we went through the motions was never explained to me. I would imagine her parents nixed the idea. I do not think Terri would have objected to it, as she lived with me for a year before we could get married and she got a work permit. While she got the odd pay from a telecommuting job, I was working and trying to support her.

When my wife of twenty years, the mother of my children, divorced me, the whole world was nothing but blackness.

But that is the time when you just have to hit your knees and seek the Lord. There's no other solution. He's the Friend that is closer than any brother ever could be. He's promised to never leave you or forsake you.

And there's nothing you've done that is unforgivable with Him. He paid for it Personally, because of His great and eternal love for you.

I am a Pennsylvania lawyer. While I can't represent you in New York, I could look for the sentencing guidelines. Freepmail me charge and I will attempt to find the sentencing guidelines. Most misdemeanors are elligible for ARD or whatever New York's equivalent is.

I once created and told a lie so heinous, I could never admit I lied. I went to my Pastor, and I admitted what I had done, that I felt so incredibly guilty, embarrassed, and shamed by it. I told him what a friend had said..the first part of your getting through this, is coming clean. And I asked Pastor, should I do that? He saw how hurt I was, and how much I was hurting, he knew I was genuinely sorrowful for this act, that I would never do it again and, the hurt I caused would be indelibly etched in my head and my soul. He looked at me, by now with tears in my eyes, hoping he would give an answer that would take away this pain, and he said...

Jesus Christ gave His life for YOUR sins. Allow Him to carry this burden and accept that you cannot undo what you have done.

And then he said, I hope this helps YOU make YOUR decision.

I'll Pray ya', man...

Good Luck

:O)

P

43
posted on 12/27/2004 1:13:51 PM PST
by papasmurf
(This tag line made possible by my big Sister, who taught me to read, write, and love.)

The records of your arrest and the disposition of your case are matters of public record and anyone here could get to them with relatively little effort if they were so inclined.

If you doubt this, ask President Bush about driving infractions from 30 years ago.

A misdemeanor, while nothing to be proud of, is not the end of the world. You will do no more jail time. You probably will be fined and put on probation. Given the fact that you struggled to come up with $500 in a week, any fine imposed is going to be sufficient hardship in the eyes of the court.

Pay it in installments as the court permits and use this incident to re-evaluate who and what you are.

You're not stupid, Houmatt. You and I have had some differences in the past, but I'm offering this bit of advice as a fellow conservative. Use this unfortunate low point in your life as a wake up call, emotionally and spiritually. Ten years from now, you may look back and say that this is exactly what you needed to get your head back on your shoulders.

Prayer is a good place to start. But being at your lowest point, you need to give your life completely to Christ. Pray to Him and ask him to take control of your life. Reaffirm to Him that He is your Savior and your Lord and you are powerless without His love and guidance. Trust in Him. In Him you will find the strength to change things in your life so that you may find the right course to bring you closer to Jesus.

Things with your wife will work out the way they will. Not according to your plan. Your wife has indeed broken her vows. Unfortunately, you both must live with her weakness. But you must let her go if that is what she wants. With regard to your marriage, that is the only way. Trust in Christ and love Him with all your heart and he won't let you down. His plan for you may not be clear to you for some time but He will love you unconditionally and give you the strength to find and stay on the right path.

Good luck and be strong.

50
posted on 12/27/2004 1:22:28 PM PST
by Bloody Sam Roberts
(All I ask from livin' is to have no chains on me. All I ask from dyin' is to go naturally.)

Disclaimer:
Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual
posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its
management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the
exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.