The support staff at Alchemy Mindworks receive a considerable number of requests for advice, information, assistance, sage council and general dispensed wisdom regarding things other than our software and related issues. In ages past, we were happy to address these requests, time and wisdom permitting. We still are, although with the coming of the great recession and the end of civilization as we know it, our bookkeeper has become involved in the process.

Not to put too fine a point on it, when we’re asked for advice or assistance in dealing with matters other than support for our paid-for products, we invariably have to consume the time of some staff members to address these requests. We usually enjoy a warm, generous feeling as a result of doing so. The aforementioned bookkeeper likes to remind us that a warm, generous feeling and twenty dollars will buy a slap-up meal at McDonalds… not that any of us has eaten at McDonalds in living memory.

For the most part, we don’t have spare staff resources to address these requests. If we did, we’d probably devote said resources to things that might actually make us some additional money, and keep our bookkeeper from weeping quietly into her cappuccino when she thinks no one is paying attention.

We’re still happy to reply to these requests, but we’d like to have something beyond a warm, generous feeling to show for our efforts.

Here’s the rub:

If you need help with a current registered Alchemy Mindworks application, read no further. Visit our support page, complete the form and we’ll be on the case as quickly as possible.

If you have questions about or require assistance with something other than our software and immediate related issues, and you’ve registered a current Alchemy Mindworks application within the past two years, please visit our e-mail page and let us know how we can assist you. Be sure to note that you’re a current customer, and tell us the name and address under which we’ll find you in our database.

In the event that neither of the foregoing is the case, we’d like to ask you either to register some Alchemy Mindworks software or for a modest donation to offset the staff resources we’ll need to address your question. You can find a Donation button later in this posting. Something north of $20 would be appropriate – we’ll leave the financial details to you. Having undertaken one of the above, please visit our e-mail page and let us know how we can assist you.

Someone is bound to observe that it’s just this sort of fixation upon base materialism and vulgar finance that’s precipitated the current monetary crisis and the cruel, mean reality that our world has become of late. We’d be likely to agree with this sentiment – if we’d thought to buy enough spare parts for our time machine to get us all back to the heady days of 1998, we’d be there now, and you wouldn’t be reading this.

A perpetual shortage of cash is the new black, and it’s forced us to become considerably more careful with the finite resources we have available to us.

Our bookkeeper would no doubt observe that any question that isn’t worth the price of a fast-food meal to whoever asked it arguably isn’t worth our time to answer. She’s a bit harsh in this respect, but in fairness, it’s what we pay her for.

Here’s the Donate button.

Our lawyers – who probably weep into their cappuccino still more copiously than our bookkeeper, ‘specially when we post stuff like this – would be outraged were we to fail to qualify the above to some extent. As such, we’d like to point out that:

Current registered users of Alchemy Mindworks’ software, as noted earlier, are welcome to our assistance, as our time and resources permit.

We reserve the right to decline to respond to any request for assistance or information should the mood strike us. We may do so for reasons which include but are not exclusive to (a) a lack of time or resources on our part, (b) a lack of expertise on our part required to address the question in question, (c) a belief on our part that the information we would dispense in response to the question asked of us would be unethical, illegal or likely to offend or disadvantage a third party or parties.

Compensating us as discussed elsewhere in this posting does not constitute a contract between whoever pays us and Alchemy Mindworks either to address the questions asked of us or to provide a satisfactory answer to same.

Our inability to assist you for any reason does not constitute grounds for a refund.

We invite anyone who wishes our help to inquire about our ability to address the issues that concern them prior to banging on the above Donate button.