The Lonely Wolf

Summary:
To phase the first time: disorienting. Horrible. Terrifying. Painful. To become a monster: sickening. Strange. Agonizing. Estranging. This we know from Jacob. Must it not have been so much worse to be Sam? He did it all... and he did it all alone. A story in the perspective of the first of our beloved werewolves, Sam Uley. From shortly before the time of his first phase to his marriage to Emily Young.

Notes:
I disclaim. Add the story to your favorites! Just do it, people.

“Not… oh, God, I’m going about this all wrong. Leah, what I can’t tell you, what I’ve been keeping from you all along, is why I’ve… I love you. I always will. But there are some things stronger than love. It’s like gravity, pulling me in. I can’t resist it, Leah. If I could-“

“I don’t want to hear this, Sam,” she says, quite calmly.

“I’m sorry. It’s the truth,” I plead.

“Not in the sense that it’s some kind of lame excuse, though I think you could come up with a better lie to leave your fiancée, the mother of your child, with. But I meant I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear how much better and prettier and smarter and more God-damn feminine she is than me, all right? I don’t want to hear how much better she is, because you know, you know, that this is tearing me to bits. So please be considerate and leave that out. As a personal favor to me.”

I take in her face. Her almost too-long eyelashes are dotted with mysterious moisture. I’d like to attribute it to the dishes in her hands. Tears do not suit Leah. But I know that’s a pretty lie to tell myself. “I can do that for you.”

“So do I have to move out?” she asks.

“No. It’s your house—remember? I’ll get my stuff and move into that little yellow place by the edge of the forest. Finish school. I promise I’ll leave you alone.”

“Hell of a promise.”

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “So, so sorry.”

“I love you,” she says. “It’s probably cruel to say but I don’t give a damn. So you should know it.”

“I love you too,” I answer.

Her reply is a loud, resounding laugh.

As I stroll toward the door, she stops me. “Sam, tell me who.”

I breathe in and out and finally say, “Emily.”

“Of course,” she replies. “Of course. Because if God’s going to take you away from me, why not take you both!”

I hear her voice growing hysterical. I stop her. “Leah, Emily’s never done anything to encourage me. I promise you that. She doesn’t want me, doesn’t know me, and doesn’t love me.” I shudder a little at my own words, but press on. “She’s your friend. I’m the only enemy here.”

She doesn’t speak, no answer to my outstretched hand, and I turn and walk away, out of her life forever.

As I leave my… her tiny kitchen, I hear the sound of her ring clattering to the floor, and a loud, wordless wail.