Introducing KFC's 'Dude Food Etiquette'

Dining rules would seem to be pretty simple. At least we thought so. Then KFC decided the world needs a refresher and announced something called "Dude Food Etiquette," tackling such dilemmas as the persecution of double-dipping and the five-second rule. KFC never mentions what exactly is so "dude" about these seemingly unisex troubles, but they do come with survey "findings" to help back them up. A few examples:

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"Nearly half (46 percent) of respondents believe that it would be more offensive to double-dip than skinny-dip at a party."

"Only 22 percent of the respondents believe it is okay to eat food that has hit the ground — and stayed there — for five seconds or less."

"In the absence of a napkin, 40 percent of respondents would wipe their hands on clothes (pants or shirt) — though not necessarily their own, as six percent admitted they would use a friend's clothes as a napkin."

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Okay, then. (Yes, there are videos to come, too. About "Dipping Rules.") Here's the work in full: