An inquest has concluded that an oak tree, which fell on to the B1062 near Mettingham last year, had committed suicide.
The tree, believed to be in its late 90s, had become depressed by the deaths of several close friends by the furniture industry and, after leaving a note, had keeled over like a biddy on ice. All 20 passengers in the minibus that struck it were also killed.

Fan was drunk

An electric fan was arrested last night after a drunken rampage through Bar Ha Ha in Tombland. The fan blew newspaper pages over, messed up girls’ hair and threw beer at its whirling blades, spraying revellers in the process. A mobile phone, also arrested at the scene, was later released without being charged.

Dog attacked

A dog was mugged as he walked home from a city nightclub last night. The dog, believed to be a border collie, was set upon in Willow Lane by three youths who demanded his collar, wallet and mobile phone. When the dog refused, they started scratching his tummy, and robbed him as he lay on his side with his back leg twitching, all happy and that.

Q&A session

The letters Q and A will be appearing at Ottakar’s next Friday to talk about their work together on words such as Qatar, qajar, qabbalah and qasida. The letter U will not be appearing, due to work commitments, and as a result, no questions can be asked.

Donate blood

People are being urged to donate blood at Aylsham Town Hall tomorrow between 1pm and 3pm. Those nervous of needles can either be stabbed or struck in the face with shelves.

Norfolk police have changed their emergency number after a new exchange was installed at County Hall. From today, the old 999 number will be replaced by (08793) +47 955982 4840 617253 44 395624. Diallers calling between midday and 4pm should remember to add #07956 as a prefix to the code, while those calling between 4pm and midnight need the code (09563248##*12867) and should add the square root of 9407 to the third set of digits. There is no service after midnight.