The fallout from the ugly blowout Super Bowl has started to clear, so we might as well face facts: it’s the off-season. It’s exactly seven months until the next meaningful NFL game. That’s 212 excruciating days of torture and baseball.

The only way we’re gonna get through this is together. Online sports media is already so desperate for more football content that they’re losing their minds over the news that Jared Lorenzen is playing semi-pro ball in an indoor league in Kentucky.

That’s just the first of the many distractions needed to make it until September. KSK will do what it can to make the time as painless as possible. As usual, we’ll have our off-season standbys, including Kill! Kill! Kill! posts, KSK mock drafts, as well as an assortment of other off-topic to keep you entertained and hopefully not suicidal as you’re deprived of football.

Well, I guess the absence of football will give me time to finish my dissertation. By the time we next see it, I’ll probably be living in a different state, with a job (I’m going for something with the official title “Mistress of Statistical Awesomeness”, and I’ll be making people call me “Doctor.” It’ll be a whole new world, with all new football to welcome me!

Oh the nail-biting excitement as Minnesota tries to get to the podium in time to not lose a draft pick! The thrill of Jerry Jones overruling every one else in the war room and taking a center who would have been available in the 3rd round! The boner-inducing emotion of the Patriots trading away first round picks for 3 4th rounders and a cut-off hoodie!

Carl, stop doing cannonballs and pay attention. Here are the rules of who cannot be forced to do it. a)has a new head coach, b)made the playoffs in one of the previous two seasons, or c)already appeared on the show in the last 10 years.
Here is the list: Bears, Bills, Cardinals, Giants, Jaguars, Raiders, Rams, Steelers.
I say Steelers.

God I would love to see the Raiders on Hard Knocks. From the Owner who looks like he gets free hair cuts from a barber school, to the Front Office that takes personnel decision advice from the idiot that cuts the owner’s hair…oh so tasty. And the fanbase…the gloriously insane fan base. MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!!

Let me clarify: I think that the league will pick the Steelers, b/c it will probably be their best chance to get them on the show for a while and lots of people would watch.
The team I would like to see is def the bears just to see Cutty be a dick and to drool over his wife.

I had a vasectomoy after my second. Local anesthetic to the scrotum, (unpleasant but nothing horrible), and twenty minutes of awkward conversation with a guy taking a scalpel to my nuts. Drove myself home, treated myself to a milkshake on the way and walked the dog later that night. Best decision I ever made.

To kick off this offseason, I will be spending this Sunday eating the 11-course tasting menu at Takashi. Next Sunday I will realize that my efforts to distract myself with delicious food are meaningless, and will probably go to brunch and get drunk at 11 am with people who don’t watch football. I will marvel at their carefree Sunday world.

I for one cannot wait when Mel Kiper emerges from his coffin to unleash his prophetic draft picks version 3.531221 Alpha Edition. Then he is wrong once again, is slain by yet another member of the Belmont clan, and has to retreat to his castle of darkness once more.

Glad I don’t a shit about the Winter Olympics. Guess I’ll be searching for craft beer festivals to fill the interminable void of the NFL offseason. I’ll try to stay under 320 when football season starts up again.

Time for squats, deadlifts, and presses until the weather is good enough for spandex and I can get out on 40-plus mile bike rides around hilly countrysides on the weekends. I’ve been doing this National MS society fundraiser century ride for a few years now, and since that happens in early August, I end up in shape and healthy just in time to get my sloth on during the football season. It works out perfectly.

As an ectomorph, gains are like fat guy touchdowns: celebrated when they happen, but rare. I somehow lucked out with strong legs, but the upper body is a dog that won’t hunt. So, incremental increases happen, but just keeping things up (especially now that I’m getting old) is good enough.

Between College Basketball, yes I am prepared for my Alma Mater’s inevitable loss in the sweet 16 of the NCAA’s things are going too well, the NBA, Stop bullshitting Kevin Durant, The Golden State Warriors, Portland Trail Blazers and The Pacers are fun to watch and yes everyone’s favorite target at KSK baseball there is plenty to look forward to. I wish you all the best & for those of us stuck in the east and end to this fucking snow. Best wishes crew.

Think of Rugby (either Union or League) as your methodone while you wait for your main hit to start back up again.

For Rugby Union you have the 6 Nations and the Heineken Cup going on in the Northern Hemisphere (plus respective leagues and lesser comps) and in the Southern Hemisphere you have the Super XV starting up soon. Peter King and his ilk should really enjoy those competitions as white skill players aren’t the minority. And they wear short shorts, so he’ll enjoy it even more.

Rugby League is for lunch-pail gritty smash mouth footbawwwww fans. You have the Australian NRL starting in March and the British Superleague starts this week.

March Madness meh, NBA blows, MLB–Oh God Why!
Very stoked for the World Cup, and then its bratty little brother, the FIBA World Cup (Puerto Rico No. 7 Wooooooooo!). But September’s tops.
Another hella season by KSK, still my favorite site. I luv all of ya erudite Klowns.

I go into the offseason with confidence the Cowboys will make wise Free Agency decisions,draft well while resisting the urge to trade up for a punter,and finalize the coaching staff in a way that insures cohesive and a winning atmosphere.
So if you read a news story about some old fart in NM going on a drug fueled rampage and then does a Thelma&Louise into Chaco canyon?
Don’t assume it was me.

It is one space. All you need is one. Two spaces fucks up the flow, and look of the copy. If you want two spaces, your website, brochure, whatever is going to look like it was created by an advanced race of chimps who learned graphic design.

I have said this to clients who have fought me tooth and nail. I almost busted out my fillet knife and went to town on one. But I held it together.

Fucking international students type with two spaces and it drives me up the fucking wall when I’m editing their texts. Goddamn it, one space. We don’t use fucking typewriters anymore. That’s like writing poetry with every line endstopped. Fucking bush league. If I see any of you two-space-using motherfuckers irl I’m buying you a beer, slipping you a roofie and then giving you a vasectomy with a red grading pen while diagramming a sentence into your torso using the sharp corner of a style guide. I’ll then volunteer to write your obituary using nothing but simple sentences, but I will abide your dying wish to have two spaces used so that the paragraph looks like the typist was getting lubelessly cornholed by Wesley Pipes every time she typed that particular punctuation mark that we know as a period.

Subsequently, I will take out a large loan to buy you a headstone made of the finest Italian marble. It will read: “Here lies Cuntler – father. Hero. Friend.” Yessir, I will desecrate the only lasting remnant of your existence on this earth with an em-dash – but not before I give your oldest but not-yet-eighteen-years-old daughter my contact information and offer of a shoulder to cry on should she ever need it. Moved by my previous selflessness and generosity, your wife will tearfully nod in silent approval as I give her a hug and a bouquet of calla lilies to lay at your headstone.

Then, x years later once your daughter has finished her freshman year of college at the state school of her choice, I will romance her like no boy in her life ever has or could. I will then show her the wonders of dom/sub culture, and I will use her as a vector for revenging the centuries of slavery that your people inflicted upon my race. She will be the happiest 19-and-a-half year old girl in the Midwest -which will be quite the feat given her regularly prolapsed asshole. I’ll make sure she learns to like it, though – I am nothing if not a gentleman.

I appreciate the pleasant epitaph, and if you have seen my posts, I am not much of a grammar / typographical adherer, so the ‘em’ dash works for me. The worst part is that my chosen profession is squarely divided on the issue because half of the judges and attorneys I work with are old. So a lot of times my admin or I get to spend time converting from one space to two or vice-versa to satisfy inflexible grammar nazi 1 and 2 spacers. The best are the attorneys/judges that still use Word Perfect. So much fun. Get used to it, early twenties recent graduate of college. People are stupid and inflexible about such things . . . so let it go.

Granted, it would be unlikely to top 500 comments. But you just know that unitiated outsiders looking to comment on the game would join our ranks. The rolling of tide would be pretty significant. I’m pretty sure there’s a New England Clam Chowder of soccer for teams like England and Brazil.

Your numbers are skewed. At least five percent of the posts will just be GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA etc….

Nye was OK, but his fundamental lack of understanding about just how far these charlatans are will to go to be Liars For Jeebus that he was genuinely unprepared for the stupidity that Ham was going to throw at him OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

Were you theeeeeyahhhh??? Were you theeeeeeeyaahhhhhhhh????

No, he wasn’t, but more importantly NEITHER WERE YOU, YOU FUCKTARD.

There were no witnesses, only evidence.

Evidence that contradicts every single word in the bible and every single word Ken Ham has ever fucking uttered.

These people belong in mental institutions. Young Earth Creationism isn’t a philosophy, it’s an insanity.

Wait this is real? Why do people bother debating these creationist assholes? You can’t debate someone’s faith; it can be as pig-ignorant as possible and they’re not going to budge because conceding any valid point you might make would be to deny who they are as a person. They’ll never yield, they’ll just yell louder.

And I do draw a difference between debating them and arguing against their forcing their points of view. Debating them suggests they have a point. Calling them on their bullshit and refusing to concede that there’s anything worth debating is, IMO, the way to go.

This debate isn’t and never was for the legion fundie retards who thump their bible harder than Tawmmy smacks his meat after a Bruins playoff loss. Nye himself said it was next to impossible for him to actually convince anyone that far down the rabbit hole of the validity of evolution. It’s for their fourteen-year-old who’s in 9th grade biology and sees a retard imitating his parents and babbling biblical retard shit. So the teenager rebels and subscribes to commonly accepted scientific thought. It’s so college professors and TAs teaching Philosophy 101 can use this debate for the entire semester to illustrate just about every logical fallacy in the book. That’s what it’s for.

I wasn’t exactly slavishly devoted to watching games on Sundays this season unless Seattle was playing, and I have zero excuses now for why I’m not doing everything possible to lose weight. I’m too old, and it’s an issue with sex. Fuck. It’s an issue just sleeping together because of my sleep apnea.

So that’s how I’m going to celebrate the offseason. Come back looking more like Rex, less like Rob.