Cocktails, Friends, and a Conversation

I recently spent some time with a close friend and had a wonderful conversation over a couple of drinks at an awesome pizza/pub joint in Memphis. This friend has been very supportive of me coming out to her, and has asked some interesting questions about Katie, which I’m more than happy to answer. We got on the subject of what it is to be a woman, and the goals that I want to achieve and respect as I move forward.

When I first started down this road of self discover two years ago, I was easily attracted to the “fun” aspects of femininity. I loved the clothes, learning about fashion, and appreciating the creativity that makeup has provided me. And I can’t forget about the shoes, oh those beautiful. Sexy. Heels. By the way I just got these tall Nine West stunners! And for a great deal too!!!

A girl just can’t help herself sometimes!

Anyways, back to the point. During the conversation with my friend, I stressed to her that I wanted to better understand what it means to be a woman. Just like I make a conscious effort to balance my relationship with my wife K, I want to have a balanced appreciation of womanhood.

There are many people around me who have helped by sharing their experiences with me. I had my first experience being hit on during a drag show, which took me totally by surprise, and made me think of things in a new light, especially when I had no clue on how to react to the attention. I’ve had plenty of friends who’ve received unwanted attention from guys, and in completely random places too. Being hit on at a gun range, while holding a gun being one such case! As a guy, I never think about being hit on, and I’ve never had to deal with the creepy feelings some situations can provide.

As my male self, I have no problem walking the downtown streets, most of the time not looking over my shoulder at any seedy individuals. I have a new found appreciation of why my wife and female friends carry around pepper spray. I could not imagine being in a situation where I’m watching over my shoulder, looking out for where trouble might come from.

One can look further at these issues by thinking about how many woman are objectified, how they may be treated in the workplace, and how on average, they make less in pay than their male counterparts. One could also think about how much respect I am showing to woman if all I do is dress up as Katie and stay home, and avoid facing the real world outside.

In the end, I think it is immensely important for me to have a balanced appreciation of what it is to be a woman in today’s society. I would feel guilty indulging in the “fun” aspects of femininity while I’m dressed up as Katie, and not think about the challenges of an everyday woman. It’s not right, and it’s not respectful. I will never fully understand what it means to be a woman, but I want to make that effort to better understand, and be a better man, a better husband, and someday, a better father.

I applaud your attempts to have a balanced appreciation for what it is to be a woman in today’s society. I know when I first began dressing it generally revolved around fun things to do and thus I was drawn more to it just because of it being “fun times.” I know it has been important for me to see that being a woman is not just about dressing up in fun clothes.

But some things that supposedly only women have to endure, I too have endured, as a male. Job discrimination, yup, in my field, it is more commonly female and I have been told I can not do some of the things that women can. Being aware of my surroundings and people threatening me, oh yes, many, many times. How about being hit on? yup, often actually.

Is it tough to be a woman? Yes. Is it tough to be man? Yes. My thought – it is tough to be alive. Life is a struggle for most living things, it actually helps to define living.

Thank you! 🙂 I’ve been wearing them all weekend to break them in. I know that being 6’1″ already, and wearing these platform heels will make me stand out in a crowd (at over 6’6″), but I just can’t help my big heel addiction. By the way, I got them from 6pm.com, which I think is associated with Zappos.

I can so identify what you are saying, Katie, having myself lived on both sides of the fence, to borrow a metaphor. I can see how we are objectified by men and yet, at the same time, I can see how much we play a part in our objectification by men in order to get what we want, a perspective to which, I believe, non-transgender women and men alike, can’t really see as clearly. The trade off, as I see it, is that we seem to be able to have fun, even in the simplest of things, such as putting on make up and picking out what clothes to wear according to our moods or to make a statement, such as I mean business or I want to have some fun.
I love the shoes but forgive me, I am also jealous because shoes are the hardest to find in my size, a woman’s 12W-13. I have a number of pairs of shoes that I can’t wear because I was trying to kid myself to thinking that I could wear size 11W, even for short periods at a time. I paid the price of numerous visits to a podiatrist with foot problems I never had before this past year. At least my insurance covered those visits.

It’s been interesting to talk to friends about this topic and read people’s comments. Everyone has a slightly different experience, which shapes their view. As for the shoes, I can understand your feelings. I have a hard time finding a size 12 that fits well. Luckily the largest shoe Nine West makes fits me perfectly, maybe just a little snug. I have to wear them for a few weeks, walking around the apartment, to break them in.