I wish I knew Dana Jacobson back in the day like when Max™s Kansas City was the hang out of choice. Just thinking about walking into Max™s with an amazon woman like Jacobson, swilling vodka would make me the envy of every Hell™s Angel member in the place.

And there you have it, folks. Any lady-human-persons who might someday aspire to a career in televised sports broadcasting should know that in their darkest hours, there’s always the added motivation of someday becoming wank fodder for a middle-aged blogger. Or Mike Ditka.