Wednesday, January 19, 2005

You May Already Be a Wiener

By now you all know how the game of Zemblan Headline Challenge is played. We show you two news items. One comes from a purportedly reputable source (for example, CNN). The other comes from a source of lower repute but higher entertainment value -- one whose allegiances are, let us say, more to the spiritual truth than the factual (And yes, we do mean The Swift Report). You tell us which is which. The first ten contestants to answer correctly will win the privilege of buying Yr. Mst. Bnvlnt. Dspt. a brewski at next week's BARBarian bash.

Okay, okay, if you insist! -- make it the first twenty.

A.) POLL: NATION SPLIT ON BUSH AS UNITER OR DIVIDER

On the eve of President Bush's inauguration, a poll shows the nation is split over whether he has united or divided the nation . . . .

During the 2000 campaign, Bush promised to be a "uniter, not a divider."

Forty-nine percent of 1,007 adult Americans said in phone interviews they believe Bush is a "uniter," according to [a] poll released Wednesday. Another 49 percent called him a "divider," and 2 percent had no opinion.

The results nearly match those of a poll taken in October 2004, which showed 48 percent considered Bush a "uniter" and 48 percent called him a "divider," with 4 percent having no opinion.

B.) THE INAUGURAL MENU: A DISH TO PLEASE EVERY DONOR

Just call him the "Iron Chef" of the White House. Executive Chef Walter S. Scheib III is facing a major culinary challenge: how to create an inaugural menu that pays tribute to the brand names of a dozen top Bush campaign and GOP donors. From Coca Cola to Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Pilgrim's Pride turkeys, Scheib's dishes must satisfy the most powerful appetite on Capitol Hill these days: the taste for money.

"I've never had to create dishes that include soda, doughnuts and canned fruit before," says Scheib, who received his training at the Culinary Institute of America, and cooked at the Capitol Hilton in Washington and the Boca Raton Club before accepting the honor of "top toque" in the White House kitchens. But he says he's not worried. "I've already changed the way I cook and have given up all French recipes. This should be a snap," says Scheib, referring to the White House's ban on béchamel and beurre blanc after France refused to support the administration's decision to go to war in Iraq.

But preparing a meal that includes not one, but two varieties of doughnuts can test the mettle of any chef, Scheib concedes. Krispy Kreme Inc. gave more than $90,000 to the Republicans in 2004, while Dunkin Donuts has been a long-time GOP supporter. Scheib's solution: use the Krispy Kremes as the basis for Snowballs in Hot Fudge, a sauce made from Nestlé Nesquick, the product of another major donor, Nestlé CEO and Bush 'pioneer' Joe Weller.

Dunkin Donuts old-fashioned cake doughnuts, meanwhile, will become part of a sweet and savory stuffing for an old-time turkey dinner. The birds: Pilgrim's Pride Whole Butter Basted Turkeys. Pilgrim CEO Lonnie Pilgrim was a Bush pioneer in 2004, pledging to bring in more than $100,000 in contributions to the Bush/Cheney campaign.