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Author Archives: 80smetalman

Reflecting back on last week’s post about anxieties about infertility, my Aspergian mind travels to the source which first got me thinking about it, the ‘Dear Deidre’ advice column in the UK tabloid, “The Sun.” In her column, Deidre features a weekly story based on a letter written to her. Each casebook story as it’s called, begins every Monday and concludes on Saturday in the form of a story strip with Deidre giving her advice to the writer at the end.

The Sun

For some reason, I find myself drawn to reading these casebook stories. I can’t explain why, maybe I’m thinking I’m reading about people sadder than me. The thing is that I don’t really want to know other people’s problems but yet I’m drawn to it. Anyway, my Asperger’s mind has noticed something else in Deidre’s casebook stories, there have been repetitions. In relation to last week’s post, there have been two casebook stories where a man who has a low sperm count, has written to her because his wife has gone out and gotten pregnant by another man. A third one if you count the casebook story where the wife was simply cheating on her husband, gets pregnant and there’s no certainty as to who’s the father. This isn’t the only case of repetition and so I thought I’d share some of the others with you.

4 stories about men who were dumped by their girlfriends over the man’s poor sexual performance.

In addition, there have been two more stories about women who cheated on their husbands, citing that because the husband is no good in bed, she is actually saving her marriage.

Two stories from British men who got in touch with Deidre because they met up with an old girlfriend who is living in the US, with an American boyfriend but she has a little fun with those men while back visiting Britain. This leaves those men feeling very confused.

Two more stories about a woman who discloses to her friend that her partner has a small penis. This friend blurts it out when drunk putting a strain on the friendship.

These are the ones I remember at the moment but if there are anymore I will share them. Now you may be asking what the point is of all this. Maybe it’s my ability to notice these things and point them out. Still, it goes to show that everybody can have the same problems in the world.

This isn’t about me to clarify from off the bat. Recently, I read a Facebook post by a woman who has been told by medical practitioners that her husband has a low sperm count. Like me, she too suffers from the anxieties related to Asperger’s Syndrome and posted about her problems and possible solutions on the Facebook page. Obviously, she was looking for advice and support, which she got in bundles full. My advice to her was to point out that it wasn’t her husband’s fault he is infertile and she shouldn’t punish him. I expected a hostile backlash from people but it never came.

Before I go into further detail, let me bring in an alternative scenario. Say there was a man whose wife/partner was unable to bear children, not her fault. This man is so desperate to have a child that he goes out and gets some other woman pregnant. When the child is born, the man brings the baby home and expects his wife to raise the child as their own. Does everyone see what is possibly wrong with this scenario? If this happened for real, and it probably has, I would certainly think that this man was being a selfish bastard. Wouldn’t you?

If the media is to be believed, the reverse of this happens all the time. Women who are so desperate to have children but their husbands/partners are infertile. So they go out and find a man and get pregnant by him. These women then expect their other to raise this child as their own. Imagine how this man might feel. Most men probably feel totally emasculated as a result of this. Many blame themselves for having being unable to produce children, it isn’t their fault. Even if the woman does it without the man’s knowledge, claiming she got pregnant against the odds, if the deception is ever discovered, that would make it many times as worse.

At the beginning of the post, I stated that this wasn’t about me. However, once upon a time, there was a concern that it might have been. I had the mumps right before my 12th birthday. The doctor gave me strict orders to stay in bed because I was developing sexually. Fourteen years later, when I got married, I did tell my then wife about my concern. Children weren’t a top priority for us when we first wed but as they say, the first one can come anytime. Just under a year after we were married, my wife became pregnant and gave birth to my son nine months later. One might ask, can I be absolutely certain he’s mine? I believe I can because when my son was 16, he fell out with me and wouldn’t see or speak to me for sixteen months. My wife and I had divorced three years prior so if he wasn’t mine biologically, she would have told him and then me. She hasn’t and besides, he looks way too much like me to have any doubt. While our other two children aren’t splitting images of me, the same principle applies. I know they’re mine.

But what if they weren’t. If I had ever been told they weren’t and pro-created by other men because I couldn’t, I would have been devastated. I wouldn’t have known what to do, especially with my Asperger’s. This is why I have complete sympathy for men and women who are unable to have children and sometimes, I wonder why or how God could be so cruel to them in this way.

My final pictures from my trip to the USA are from the baseball game I went to one evening. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been back a month now, but I digress once again. The game was between my local team, Philadelphia Phillies and my favourite team, the Los Angeles Dodgers. It was a great game with both teams each scoring three runs in the final inning but the Phillies won 9-8.

I don’t know who this statue is of but I thought it would be cool to get my picture by it.

Play was delayed for 15 minutes on account of a brief but vicious thunderstorm. So, the gentleman in the foreground decided to dance in it.

One thing I spotted during the evening was a Muslim family where the mother and two daughters were in traditional Muslim dress. This got my Asperger’s brain in gear. While I should not have been surprised at seeing them at a baseball game, it proves that sports in general are a great way to put aside differences. The British right constantly condemns the UK Muslim community for failing to integrate into British society, something the Muslim community denies. Here in America, what better way to integrate than going to a baseball game.

In reality, I didn’t go to that many bars while I was in the States. I found it better to drink at the house not that I drank that much, really. Then again, I was on holiday. Here’s some photos of typical American bars.

Caroline’s Bar in Somers Point NJ was a little picky on who they let in.

My friend Frank singing karaoke

Frank’s wife Candy singing

Candy and Frank sang a duet

An inside shot of Caroline’s

From top to bottom: my brother in law Mark, sister Dawn, my wife Tina and step-daughter Lorretta at the Brick House in Egg Harbor Township, NJ

Pabst Blue Ribbon- the official beer of rednecks

Tina and Lorretta at the Circle Liquor Store in Somers Point. This was just the wine aisle

I discovered I had my own brand of alco-pops

The hard liquor aisle. We bought a whiskey called “Knob Creek” for my stepson Teal.

It turns out that many bars in Southern New Jersey do not allow bikers to wear their colours inside. I can see the reasons why but I still find it amusing. Of course, now you’re all thinking I’m a total lush now. Actually, I didn’t drink all that much, honest.