How to fit in anywhere. Or not.

Annabelle, I finally got Paisley and Ernest’s back to school supply list, and I noticed there are a lot of things missing.

Ernest has a back to school list?

No. But I didn’t want him to feel left out, so I made one up. With things missing.

Of course you did. So what’s missing?

Well, “super cute first day of school outfit” is not on here at all. Or new bento boxes. Or one of those pillows you put over your head for a quick nap. Have you seen these classrooms? They’re very busy. I looked for a sensory deprivation tank so she could have a quiet place to go, but the floor in the school wouldn’t support all the salt water.

Scarlett, if you want your kids to have a fighting chance at school you will never, ever get them on of those ostrich pillows. They are just weird. Really weird. And I don’t know that at 6, Paisley needs alone time that much. She can just lie on her mat like the rest of the kids.

Lying on mats was so two years ago, Annabelle. Try to keep up.

Granted I’m not a mother, but I don’t think children sporting ostrich pillows in sensory deprivation tanks is sweeping the nation.

Maybe it will be. Maybe she’ll bring a sense of peace to her classroom. It’s a whole new world out there, what with anti-bullying and all.

Remember how we felt when Mom never let us have bologna sandwiches or join Girl Scouts because it should have been Person Scouts? I wanted to join for the cookies.

I forgot about Person Scouts! For a little while I had Mom convinced that I had petitioned successfully for a Person Scouts Chapter and went to Girl Scouts after school under the radar. I would have gotten away with it too, but she found me sleeping with my uniform - which another mom took pity and gave me.

How did I miss this? And what did you do with all the cookies?!

Well I wasn’t making friends with my lentil stew and groat loaf, but I had great cookies to share at lunch for those few blissful weeks.

I wish you’d let me in on this. I would have done anything for Thin Mints.

When Paisley becomes a Person Scout I’ll share the cookies.

Person Scout?

Dang! Getting Mom out of my brain never gets easier. While I go put my head in the freezer why don’t you answer some questions?

Q: If you find out your boyfriend cheated on you, do you throw him out, or try to make it work? - Should I Stay Or Should I Go in Shrewsbury

A: There isn’t any one size fits all answer to this one. It depends on so many things, like is he remorseful? How much does the relationship mean to you,? How long have you been together? And most importantly, does he own an apartment in Paris?S: If he doesn’t have an apartment in Paris now would be the perfect time to get one.A: Seriously. He has a lot to make up for. This is something no one can ever tell someone else what they should do. Even advice columnists. Only you know what’s right for you and if you will be able to forgive him and move forward. Deciding not to decide anything right now seems like the best idea until the shock wears off.S: And the perfect place to do that would be Paris.

Q: Fall is fast approaching, what are a few items I should add to my wardrobe for now, and the upcoming winter? - Long John Jenny in Jonestown

A: This is perfect that you asked, Long John Jenny because I just got done hauling in my September issues of Vogue and InStyle. My landlord let me use his wheelbarrow. Even though about two-thirds of the thousands of pages are ads, I have gleaned a few helpful things. Wear skirts over your pants, like in second grade during blizzards. Get a really big poncho, and some sneakers to wear with skirts just like Melanie Griffith in “Working Girl.” You will be so fashion forward, people will be amazed.S: I must be way ahead of the curve. I wear ponchos year-round!A: I know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. A poncho at the beach? Oh! And according to ads, if you want to look like Giselle, you’ll wear underpants and boots. It’s all over InStyle. If Giselle goes out of the house like that it must be okay.S: I hope they’re polar fleece underpants.A: I’m sure they are super warm underpants. I’m going to Google that when we’re done.

Q: I’m starting a new job next week and feel like I’m in fifth grade all over again. What if no one likes me? How do I make a good impression and fit in with everyone? - New Kid in Newton

A: I start a new job about once a month. I don’t get fired, I just keep adding. I find bringing something to share on the first day always helps. At my last new job I brought in pictures of Peanut, my hedgehog for everyone’s desk.S: Why would they want a picture of your hedgehog?A: Because he’s adorable, of course!S: Something more normal to bring might be donuts or muffins.A: You won’t stand out with those, Scarlett.S: No, but you might get asked to lunch.A: Hmm, I do eat alone a lot.S: Sometimes appearing normal can be a challenge, but it usually pays off with people not being scared of you.

Scarlett, be forewarned, when you Google “hot underpants” you won’t get what you think you might.

Like that time I Googled “life sized dolls” for Paisley?

Exactly.

The Internet is a scary place.

If you want someone to share an apartment in Paris with you while you heal a broken heart, or have some Thin Mints to share, write us at annabelleabscarlett@gmail.com And follow us on Twitter @fixitsisters.

Annabelle, I finally got Paisley and Ernest’s back to school supply list, and I noticed there are a lot of things missing.
Ernest has a back to school list?
No. But I didn’t want him to feel left out, so I made one up. With things missing.
Of course you did. So what’s missing?
Well, “super cute first day of school outfit” is not on here at all. Or new bento boxes. Or one of those pillows you put over your head for a quick nap. Have you seen these classrooms? They’re very busy. I looked for a sensory deprivation tank so she could have a quiet place to go, but the floor in the school wouldn’t support all the salt water.
Scarlett, if you want your kids to have a fighting chance at school you will never, ever get them on of those ostrich pillows. They are just weird. Really weird. And I don’t know that at 6, Paisley needs alone time that much. She can just lie on her mat like the rest of the kids.
Lying on mats was so two years ago, Annabelle. Try to keep up.
Granted I’m not a mother, but I don’t think children sporting ostrich pillows in sensory deprivation tanks is sweeping the nation.
Maybe it will be. Maybe she’ll bring a sense of peace to her classroom. It’s a whole new world out there, what with anti-bullying and all.
Remember how we felt when Mom never let us have bologna sandwiches or join Girl Scouts because it should have been Person Scouts? I wanted to join for the cookies.
I forgot about Person Scouts! For a little while I had Mom convinced that I had petitioned successfully for a Person Scouts Chapter and went to Girl Scouts after school under the radar. I would have gotten away with it too, but she found me sleeping with my uniform - which another mom took pity and gave me.
How did I miss this? And what did you do with all the cookies?!
Well I wasn’t making friends with my lentil stew and groat loaf, but I had great cookies to share at lunch for those few blissful weeks.
I wish you’d let me in on this. I would have done anything for Thin Mints.
When Paisley becomes a Person Scout I’ll share the cookies.
Person Scout?
Dang! Getting Mom out of my brain never gets easier. While I go put my head in the freezer why don’t you answer some questions?
Q: If you find out your boyfriend cheated on you, do you throw him out, or try to make it work? - Should I Stay Or Should I Go in Shrewsbury
A: There isn’t any one size fits all answer to this one. It depends on so many things, like is he remorseful? How much does the relationship mean to you,? How long have you been together? And most importantly, does he own an apartment in Paris?
S: If he doesn’t have an apartment in Paris now would be the perfect time to get one.
A: Seriously. He has a lot to make up for. This is something no one can ever tell someone else what they should do. Even advice columnists. Only you know what’s right for you and if you will be able to forgive him and move forward. Deciding not to decide anything right now seems like the best idea until the shock wears off.
S: And the perfect place to do that would be Paris.
Q: Fall is fast approaching, what are a few items I should add to my wardrobe for now, and the upcoming winter? - Long John Jenny in Jonestown
A: This is perfect that you asked, Long John Jenny because I just got done hauling in my September issues of Vogue and InStyle. My landlord let me use his wheelbarrow. Even though about two-thirds of the thousands of pages are ads, I have gleaned a few helpful things. Wear skirts over your pants, like in second grade during blizzards. Get a really big poncho, and some sneakers to wear with skirts just like Melanie Griffith in “Working Girl.” You will be so fashion forward, people will be amazed.
S: I must be way ahead of the curve. I wear ponchos year-round!
A: I know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. A poncho at the beach? Oh! And according to ads, if you want to look like Giselle, you’ll wear underpants and boots. It’s all over InStyle. If Giselle goes out of the house like that it must be okay.
S: I hope they’re polar fleece underpants.
A: I’m sure they are super warm underpants. I’m going to Google that when we’re done.
Q: I’m starting a new job next week and feel like I’m in fifth grade all over again. What if no one likes me? How do I make a good impression and fit in with everyone? - New Kid in Newton
A: I start a new job about once a month. I don’t get fired, I just keep adding. I find bringing something to share on the first day always helps. At my last new job I brought in pictures of Peanut, my hedgehog for everyone’s desk.
S: Why would they want a picture of your hedgehog?
A: Because he’s adorable, of course!
S: Something more normal to bring might be donuts or muffins.
A: You won’t stand out with those, Scarlett.
S: No, but you might get asked to lunch.
A: Hmm, I do eat alone a lot.
S: Sometimes appearing normal can be a challenge, but it usually pays off with people not being scared of you.
Scarlett, be forewarned, when you Google “hot underpants” you won’t get what you think you might.
Like that time I Googled “life sized dolls” for Paisley?
Exactly.
The Internet is a scary place.
If you want someone to share an apartment in Paris with you while you heal a broken heart, or have some Thin Mints to share, write us at annabelleabscarlett@gmail.com And follow us on Twitter @fixitsisters.