Does anyone else have a youg stepchild with serious anxiety issues?

Betty - posted on 01/30/2010
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Lately, my 4year old SD has been showing lots of distress, constantly getting tummy aches and vomiting. She cries and gets sick over the simplest of things too. Whenever there is a transfer it's the worse for her and it doesn't matter if she is coming or going. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to keep her from getting upset because it just upsets me so badly to see her that way. She was seeing a therapist for a while but it hasn't helped at all and she refuses to talk to the therapist about anything that goes on in either of her homes. She has no memory of her parents ever getting along and custody is 50/50.

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Megan - posted on 01/31/2010

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I have myself suffered from generalized anxiety disorder since I was 4 years old because it ran from my great grandma, to my grandma, mother, and then to me. I remember thinking at many times my life "was over" and things were just too hard, and I was sooo young and should have been carefree!! Well, I was different. I do think people need to change the way that they parent when someone has a child who does suffer from anxiety to the point where it disrupts their life. It can be debilitating. I think that the parents need to always get down to eye level with the child and explain things slowly in a way that a 4 yo can understand and allow them to ask questions, no matter how silly they may seem. My daughter has some anxiety issues and I always try not to baby her, but to always be aware of how she feels because she's not doing it on purpose. I would try to take time out of every day to congratulate her and have some one on one time. This child may need extra attention, but that is okay because that doesn't mean they are getting more love....you are just choosing to parent according to your childs needs. I would be more than willing to talk to you further about this as I feel like I know quite a bit about anxiety and i have it and am currently on medication. I have been on this med for 10 years and although it does have a few sideeffects, i am currently still very happy and i think things are a lot easier to deal with now that i have some sense of "control". Don't get me wrong sometimes when thigns seem too out of control, for instance i just got out of the hospital 2 days ago. I got an infection and a bad reaction to the anestesia after getting my gall bladder removed on tuesday morning. I was without my control, feeling sick and awful and then my anxiety makes it way worse. And when you cant keep anything down, I couldnt keep my medicine to help my anxiety either which made it worse, so I still do struggle with it. I have a lot of sensitivies and emotions about things a lot of people might not realize, but I've learned that that is okay. I try to put my daughter out there. Every summer she plays soccer, t-ball, and loves to be doing avctilivites. I give her her extra space and attention when I can tell that she needs it and I think because i am so good i feel at dealing with her and her feelings is the reason why her anxiety is completely out of control. She's actually doing really really well and most people dont even know she worries. She worries about people and friends and just is extremely caring. I know when shes a teen ager is might be different, but for now i think i am doing the right thing.

If you ever want to talk, i really would like it.btw i recently became a step mom myself a month and a half ago, so i know how hard the step mom thing is too.

wow im not the only mom with this problem.. my four yr old step daughter is like that too. we get her for two weeks at a time and the firtst week shes here shes got a "tummy ache" and by week two shes ok again but its like this ever month

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Jennifer - posted on 02/02/2010

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Wow, That sounds about where I'm at. My SD is 8 and always a tummy ache or a head ache. We went yesterday to her therapist and she recommended that you let her know you are sorry she is sick and how much it sucks and let it go. Try and get her mind off of things so she doesn't sit and think about it more. We are also having trouble with her telling me no. Flat out no for anything I ask her to do. I think in time it will get better but I know where you are coming from and how you feel. Remember you are not alone and we are all trying the best we can.

I am a stepmother who married the childen's father when they were SS 5 & SD 14-months. The oldest was fine with transfer and the youngest used to get uneasy. BUT I am gonna talk to you about how I as a CHILD felt with transfer myself as a GROWN STEPCHILD. I always had a headache , stomach ache, vomitted constantly, laid on the couch for weekends. I NEVER did out grow that. I habe no contatc with father now.

The only thing that eased my pain was my mother packing a little bag just for me. We would fill it together. TV Dinners, My faorite Pop, Hostess Honey Buns, My Blanket, My Cabbage Patch Doll, etc. They were items that were mine and I could ise them as needed when I severely needed it.

Maybe ask BM to do so? Or maybe you shop with her to fill a bag of things that she loves and haves memories. Something that belongs to her either going to your home or her BM home. I wish you luck and I pray for you. It was a very hard time for me and I completely UNDERSTAND where your SD is coming from. I was her once 30-years-ago.

My 4 year old SD had horrible nose bleeds everytime we would get her back from her BM. My husband has had full custody since 18 months. Her BM would spoil her like crazy when she had her then we would have horrible trouble with her when she returned home. But one time we had to take her to the emergency room because the nose bleed was so bad she vomited and it just wouldn't stop. I am not a fan of medicines, but I do understand some people have no choice. A friend told me about a supliment that had helped her family and I decided to put my whole family on it. There is no warning labels and it had a money back guarantee. Its amazing the transformation she has made. She has had one very mild nose bleed in the past 5 months. She still has some attitude problems but I can handle that, it was her health we were conserned about. The sad thing is her BM won't give her her shakes even though she knows it has helped her so much.

i definitly agree with the not spoiling her. she does need to learn limits and that she can not get away with everything. i guess its hard to explain the fine line between special attention and a different kind of parenting and spoiling. i wouldnt let her get away with that though, but i do think some type of counseling(a therapist other than the one she currently sees) would be a great idea, even for you and your husband to learn how to deal with such problems.

Thank you Megan :)I really do think I need to take a step back and improve the way I respond to her and her needs. I thought for the longest time that her tummy aches were her way of manipulating the situation but it has evolved to be much worse even after us refusing to respond to it by letting her win an argument or something and now she is throwing up in her sleep even. I'm going try everything I can to make her feel better but I will admit, she is very hard to please because she is very spoiled. One day she actually cried and became sick all because the sun went down. She is so freaking funny and it's hard not to just laugh at her when she gets upset over things like that.

We saw the anxiety issues a bit later than BM did but we all seem to be getting our share of it now. I plan on playing relaxation music in our home while she is here and also in the car. I also plan on trying aroma therapy with her. If we need to we will discuss medicating her but I want to try every possible alternative first. Acupressure, muscle testing, a day spa whatever it takes. I have always thought she had chemical imbalance(bipolar or something like it) and there is medical history on both sides to back that up.

Sorry I won't be much help. According to BM, SD had anxiety issues because of her dad. When with us we never saw this anxiety yet she was five years old at the time and at "mom's" recommendation, her doctor put her on anti-depressants. This is noted in SD's medical records that hubby got a hold of.