Sunday, January 6, 2008

Sunday, January 6, 2007: Waiting For Results

Well, tomorrow is the big day. We meet with Dr. Downey at 9:45. I haven't been thinking about it much until tonight. Both Brian and I feel in our gut that we will be told that there isn't a trace of cancer to be found. We have to consider the possibility that there is cancer left yet and have talked about that. We have a lot of questions for the doctor tomorrow and hopefully will leave the appointment with answers and a good sense of direction.

Obviously our prayers would be that there is no cancer to be found. I am also praying that we remember, whatever the results, it is God's will. I find comfort knowing that God already knows the answers. He knows the plans he has made for me. I find myself saying that verse over and over in my head a lot.

Lately I have been overwhelmed by these plans though. Brian mentioned in an earlier post that I have been depressed. Prior to cancer I was going through depression - taking medication and talking to a therapist. I find it very odd that I can endure a year of cancer battles and yet something like depression can knock me down. The devil knows that this is a big weakness of mine and that scares me. It scares me quite a bit that the devil considers me a threat!

I have so many weaknesses such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Now that our physical battle seems to be coming to an end I feel like I'm starting an emotional battle. I should have posted this earlier and asked for prayers but instead I found myself hiding in bed and sleeping as much as I can. Brian has been so supportive through this. It's a fine line of laying in bed to recover and laying in bed to escape.

So there it is. It seems so strange baring my soul to so many people but if I'm in for a spiritual warfare battle then I definitely need prayer warriors on my side!

Specifically, I ask for:

*the strength to pull myself out of depression

*the ability to overcome my negative self-talk

*the courage to go where God calls me

*for Brian - extra patience and love (as living with a moody woman recovering from surgery isn't an easy task!)

*Brian is having a lot of trouble sleeping at night and dealing with his CPAP machine

*We continue to pray prayers of thanks for the miraculous news of no visible cancer!