When I get excited about something, my depression lifts, but when I have setbacks, I get easily discouraged.

My depression is never so bad that I don’t want to participate in life. If I have the energy, out I go. Without fail. If I don’t have the energy, then I get depressed that life is passing me by. Friends marry, have kids and take on mortgages while I blog endlessly about my feelings.

If I have dysthmia, how does it negatively affect my life? I probably take fewer chances than would be healthy. I probably reach out to other people less and connect less and stay home more. At social gatherings, I extend myself less and say hello to fewer people.

When I struggle to earn a living, I collapse within. I rarely have the strength to initiate connection. It’s particularly hard for me to approach women.

What do my monetary troubles tell me? That I have severe character flaws and an inability to connect normally with others. My monetary troubles are a mirror to my painful personal shortcomings.

I feel like I am on the right path with my life. I am excited about my religious community, my friends, my education in Alexander Technique, and my weekly writing workshop.

Heaven can wait.

Doing things that I love, having creative outlets, speaking my truth, these are among my paths out of depression. The more things I can get passionate about in real life, the better.