A twentysomething muddling through life and trying to find peace.

Am I a Chef Now?

I know people who won’t watch television for weeks or months on end, then disappear from the world for a fortnight to live under their duvets and binge watch an entire 5 seasons of a television show.

I know people who watch television constantly- making sure to be up-to-date with the latest show, and being the keeper of all spoilers and plot secrets before anyone else has even had a chance to think about what the show is.

I know people who hate anything to do with comedy, and instead prefer to binge on documentaries about serial killers and whatever else our big bad world churns out.

And I know people who will watch the same show over and over. One of my friends has watched Gossip Girl about 4 times the whole way through, and is sitting through her 6th viewing of the entire Prison Break series. Yep. I couldn’t even make it through 3 episodes of that particular series, let alone the whole thing multiple times.

Anyway, one of the things Mr OneBigSressball and I like to do in our free time together (when it isn’t raining outside which, let’s be honest, is a rare occurrence in Scotland) is to watch a television show together. No skipping forward to next episodes without the other person; no looking up spoilers. Nope. Fully committed to each episode throughout the entire show together.

We didn’t really decide consciously to start watching Hell’s Kitchen together. It started back when we were first dating, and, instead of going to the library on Sunday mornings to study for our finals like we should have been doing, we would spend most of the start of the day lying on my sofa, watching Gordon Ramsay yell profanities at people who were trying their best to cook some scallops.

We would watch it on one of those channels on television that do shitty old repeats of television shows in order to fill up time in their daily schedule in between shows people actually watch, so there was always a good few episodes for us to watch together. However, when I moved out of that flat and into one that didn’t have a television let alone a tv license, we searched to see if Netflix would deliver.

And it DID. Praise whatever higher being is up there- Hell’s kitchen, in FULL SEASONS was on the internet for us to take our time with.

Fast forward 9 months, and we’ve just come to the end of watching 6 seasons of Gordon Ramsay being a tyrant in his kitchen, and I feel lost to be honest.

It’s sad that we don’t get to watch it anymore, but, thinking about it now, we were really too obsessed with the show.

We worked out how the points system worked, so pretty much knew which team would win each challenge at the beginning of each episode after only a few rounds, and figured out how Ramsay would sometimes double bluff the chefs during eliminations, either making them think they were going home and sending them back in line instead… or switching them to the other team.

Once you’ve watched something a gazillion times, you get good at figuring out what someone is going to say and do based on camera angles, music, facial expressions, and their words.

The most important question though, is…

After watching 6 season’s of Hell’s Kitchen, I know how long it takes to cook scallops, I know you need to let meat rest, and I know the basics of how to cook a beef wellington. Does this qualify me as a chef?

You might say no. No it absolutely does not, you tit.

But let me tell you something. I can cook a beef wellington. Or, as they say in HK, a welly.

I can also tell you from quite far away (loads of practise with high camera angles) whether a steak is cooked perfectly or if it’s ‘FUCKING RAW’ as big Gordo so elegantly puts it.

I may not have been to culinary school. I may not have a qualification in anything to do with food (except health and safety in the workplace) but I’m telling you, Hell’s Kitchen has taught me some pretty decent life skills.

The main one being- don’t mess with Chef Ramsay.

I think I’d be able to cook some of the food they have on that show for certain, but one thing I could not do is be yelled at by big Gordo. 100% I’d cry and run away. Not even ashamed.

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4 thoughts on “Am I a Chef Now?”

Wait do they only have 6 season of Hell’s Kitchen on Netflix!? You’re missing out on so many! I think they’re up to 17 or something. I think I’ve seen every season from the start and am also confident I could cook almost everything on the show. And you’re right, if you watch it enough you can tell which way the editing is going to go.

only 6 on Netflix yeah! So gutted that we didn’t get to watch more! You tried doing a beef welly? So much faff for such a simple looking dish!
Also watching 13 Reasons Why season 2 so no spoilers please!