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So here I was committed to working through my pain and anger with my cheating spouse to see if there's anything left in our marriage to reconcile over, and now she's suddenly making noises about not knowing if we'll make it. Specifically, once we see a marriage counsellor and the crap gets cleared away, she's worried SHE might not see anything left worth saving.

FOR FUCKSSAKES, EITHER FISH OR CUT BAIT. I could be walking away NOW and carrying on with my life instead of going through this agony.

I am so FED UP with this. Maybe marriage isn't what I hoped it would be. Maybe it's best I stay single, date casually, and die alone.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada

1Faith♀ 38975Member # 38975

Posted: 12:55 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013

Call her on it.

She is projecting. She is blameshifting and hoping to get a response out of you.

Say fine, if that is what you feel let's save the time and effort of MC and just file.

I am only interested in MC if we are both truly vested in wanting the marriage to be better in the end.

So if you aren't there. Please have an ounce of integrity and be honest for once in your life and just say so. I will be sad and disappointed but at least we will not continue to live in limbo.

Marriage is whatever two people make of it. When one person decides their needs are more important than the other's then you have conflict.

Not every woman is your wife. Just like every man is not like my FWH. Some are great and some are selfish broken people.

You deserve honesty and truth. Your wife is in denial and has not yet shown she is capable of taking responsibility for the aftermath of the affair.

Call her on it. 180 her NOW and put an x on the calendar as when you feel you can/will be ready to reevaluate the status of your marriage and any possible potential for reconciliation.

I am sorry you're here and I am so sorry you are hurting.

(((hugs and prayers)))

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1512 | Registered: Apr 2013

kansas1968♀ 32214Member # 32214

Posted: 1:08 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013

This whole journey that we are all on IS truly a "B***CH"

Emotions are so raw and jumping all over the place. I wanted to walk away so badly but just couldn't make myself do it, so I know exactly how you feel.

Have really no ideal what a betrayer feels like since I have never been in that position. One thing I do know is that my WH said many times that he has a hard time trusting that I will ever really love him again. That I will ever really be over his betrayal and will forever look at him in a very dimmed light. Maybe she is afraid of that?

Maybe a cheater can give you some insight? Isn't this trip truly horrible!!

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1328 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas

5454real♂ 37455Member # 37455

Posted: 2:54 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013

Specifically, once we see a marriage counsellor and the crap gets cleared away, she's worried SHE might not see anything left worth saving

Trying to blameshift much? Gosh AS, your marriage was such a shambles that it just forced her to have sex with another man. Can't you see it was a great solution?

Sorry brother. She's not taking any responsibility for herself, nor showing any remorse.