Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•Evan Lysacek won America's first men's figure skating gold since...the last time the Olympics were held in Canada. Evgeni Plushenko nailed his quad, but was uncharacteristically shaky. He can now re-retire to a life of Bond villainy.