Jewish Mormons

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Jewish Mormonsis one happenin' Jewish cat!Shalom, baby!

Mormonism is the first true American religion (the latest would be Scientology) having been conceived on American soil. They believe that everyone wants to be Mormon, they just don't know it yet, or that they haven't met the right missionary.

Since their beginnings, Mormons have sought to bring everyone into their fold--by any means necessary. The church has devised many methods of in-bringing, the most prominent are: conversion through missionaries and vicarious baptisms.

Missionaries find pre-Mormons lost in out of the way places around the world. Pre-Mormons have learned to recognize Mormon missionaries due to their distinct bicycle pairings and by their uniform clean white shirts and black ties. Missionaries work to insure that everyone they meet can become Mormon by learning everything they can about pre-Mormons and sending that information to the Super-Mormon Computer located in Salt Lake City. The church uses this list of pre-Mormons when performing the ritual of "vicarious baptism".

Vicarious Baptism works best on pre-Mormons who have passed and have no living relatives (or lawyers working on their behalf) to finally achieve enlightened status within the Mormon church.

These practices have proven to be quite successful within the Jewishcult; once learning on their own Jews are not worthy enough to receive God's eternal blessings, several hundred thousand Jews have requested--from beyond the grave--to have their names added to the Super-Mormon Computer.