The iPhone 5 is longer, it has a smaller port, and some people think it's boring. But you can't really form an opinion on a prestige piece of hardware like this until you've had sex with it.

In the (very funny, sort of explicit, NSFW) iPhone review parody from Jest below, one reviewer gets right down to the business and gets it on with his phone. Honestly, this is still less nauseating than how most of the actual reviews will read: