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First off, Cat Deely, the “80s Prom” theme party isn’t until next week.

Last night’s “So You Think You Can Dance” moved into high gear as nine couples brought their best shimmy shakes and belly rolls to the stage, and they just weren’t good enough.

With this being only the second show of the season, you would think A-game would be in full tow. However, most of the 18 dancers appeared to be checked out. More often than not I found myself being let down by dance styles that I usually find exhilarating.

Even fan favorite choreographer Shane Sparks had two routines that whiffed of mediocrity, while season newcomer dance instructor Louis Van Amstel seemed to bring the unexpected Waltz heat.

After the jump, I will do my best Jarett impression (keeping with last week’s tradition) and try to rank all the performances from best to worst. Then I’ll offer my predictions on who will be dancing for their life tonight.

1. Max & Kayla

Brian Friedman brought some new choreography to the show that blew my brains into a cherry Slushee of enjoyment. I usually hate a huge set piece (i.e. the Victorian couch) but this one didn’t seem to bug that much. Kayla brought it, like normal, and Max came in a close second with his Aladdin-esque outfit bringing in the rear.

2. Jonathan & Karla

Dear choreographer: Stacy Tookey, can I kiss you on the mouth? These two had a lackadaisical cha-cha last week, but this week this contemporary routine catapulted them into one of PopWrap’s top positions. Be forewarned dancers, Jonathan may be a force to be reckoned with this season.

3. Vitolio & Asuka

Dizam! I will be the first to admit that when two dancers take the stage and I know it is going to be a waltz, I’m tempted to make a run for the kitchen. However, when this little ball of emotion got rolling, my butt was all Elmer’s Glue. I thought I didn’t like Asuka at all, but she, like my butt, may have me stuck.

4. Ade & Melissa

Is jazz back? I mean I guess this is a jazz routine, at least that is what the show is calling it. Either way, choreographer Sonya Tayeh may very well be the mayor of Loony Town, but I’m OK with that. Both dancers seemed to be the most in sync this episode, giving a unique naughty sense to a routine that could have appeared cheesy if given to the wrong people (Kupono & Ashley).

6. Evan & Randi

Newcomer Louis Van Amstel handed them a pretty locked and solid routine, only to be let down by a slip and slide of a mess. Consisting of mediocre kicks and moments of forgetfulness, this dance is only in this spot because of their performance last week. Side note: Isn’t Evan a lil’ Benji Schwimmer?

6. Brandon & Janette

I’m not the biggest disco fan so I may be a little biased, but this routine seemed to stink of a talent show gone naughty. Brandon is brilliant, he may be a snotty little punk, but he is brilliant. So that alone got this dance a few points of perfection. As for Janette, let’s just say she needs to step it up.

7. Jason & Caitlin

Oh Caitlin, you could have been the sex-pot of this season with this routine. Instead, you simply lost your mojo midway through. Jason, on the other hand, got the big fat shaft. He is a polished dancer, full of attitude, charisma and heart but he simply had a bad partner and an even worse routine. Sorry Shane, but you must have been sleeping through this one.

8. Phillip & Jeanine

Phillip + tango = disaster. How hard is it to go out there and at least act like a real dancer for three minutes? These two looked like they were performing on “Uncle Jim’s Themed Cruises,” complete with dumb grins and gumshoe dance moves. Philip will probably stay due to his brilliant performance last week, but he needs to start watching some tango tapes, stat!

9. Kupono & Ashley

A Shane Sparks routine never belongs below the No. 3 spot let alone at the end, however this week both of his appear on the bottom half of the countdown. I’m sorry but when you are given a brilliant choreographer and a more brilliant song like “Imma Bee,” your butt better make it work. Kupono’s cheerleading-like moves brought Ashley down a few notches, the rest of their hideousness was simply a lack of commitment.