I'm not an I-Phone person. I am, however, a Mac person. I love the computers, I would love an I-Pad more than I would love several uninterrupted generations of world peace, but the phone just plain does not do it for me. I'm a "QWERTY" person through and through. If you know what that it, great. If not, that's fine, too... but you should probably learn a bit more about technology. It is because of this that I am a DROID person. I got the first DROID back when it was new and found the entire experience very agreeable. Granted, it was my first "Smart phone", which is something all of us who are fortunate enough to have experienced remember like it was yesterday. After a long and happy period of downloads, tweets and updates I upgraded to the DROID 2 back in May. I'd heard that they made some improvements and I was anxious to give the new version a walk around the block. However, this was not the droid I was looking for. From the second that I got it there were problems. The "Voice Command" would go off whenever it damn well pleased, It completed tasks with all the deliberate speed of an octogenarian footrace and it'd crash about as often as a 787 piloted by an ankle-monitor-free Lindsay Lohan. To put it another way, I had a DROID alright.

I had R5-D4:

Remember this guy? When the Jawas came peddling their wares to Luke and his Uncle Owen, this is the droid that they were going to buy. They had picked him out and he was all ready to go. Now, what happened next is open to interpretation. It is possible, even probable that like any savvy desert merchants, the Jawas were indeed trying to pass a crappy droid off on a pair of rube-ish bumpkins. I mean, it's clear that these guys can't droid shop for shit. Buying an effeminate protocol droid purely on his ability to speak Bachi? Please. Why don't you get the extended warranty while you're at it? The other theory, equally plausible, is that R2-D2 deliberately sabotaged his fellow R2 unit. He didn't come all that way just to be shirked off to some other Bantha-shagger, did he? In case you did not know, there are some theories that R2-D2 is actually much smarter and machiavellian than he let's on. Either way, this is what happened next:

Bad motivator. Blown gasket.

No matter how you slice it, R5-D4 the little droid that couldn't. Not exactly the most ceremonious death in Star Wars history, is it?

Still, it's better than what Mace Windu got..

Anyway, this is essentially what my phone did in less than two months. I got some Jawa on the line at their call center on Tatooine (It might have actually been India, but the accent was surprisingly similar) and they shipped me a new one. So far it's working pretty well, I guess. I just can't believe that this company would hand me over something so unreliable. This one better work well or I'm calling some Sand People I know who owe me a favor.