I’ve Failed

Sometimes, all you have with you are your own words to describe how you feel, what you go through and how much it means to you. Life shows you so many ups and downs, there is not a single human being I have met or interacted with, who is not suffering in one or the other way or chasing happiness. This is what it has become, an endless chase or reasons to be found to feel good about life.

They say that at the age of 25 you face mid-life crisis, I never knew what it meant but somehow it always appeared to be negative, a stage of life where you have seen so much that you become numb, saturated and stuffed. Is this what it means? If yes, then maybe I am facing the same right now.

It is not new that everyone has an individual life pattern, choices they have made and the consequences they have faced, and so is this post not about being perfect or getting readership. This post is just about me expressing myself out in words for a release, a release which hopefully gives me back a gush of fresh breeze, play with my hair like a mother’s hand which caresses a child’s head putting him to sleep. Yes, I crave that badly these days. It has not been easy, Ashwini, it really has not been. You have been strong, you have been broken, you have faced it all but you are still alive and there is a reason you are still breathing, that is you, yourself. So be proud of it.

I feel that happiness is a temporary emotion, it’s just a rush and it cannot stay with you. The more you run behind it, the far it keeps getting. Don’t you agree? There are so many pressures in life; family, career, relationships, friends, and you yourself. Everything surrounds you once in a while making you feel stuck, wanting to break all these chains and run away. But how often can we do that? We just wish for it. Life has become so fragile that every once in a while we feel the need to take a break. Our hearts and minds have become so delicate that they cannot succumb to the suffocation. I am sure everyone who reads this will relate to this and somewhere feel inside that I am not the only one. Yes, that’s the truth; no one is alone in this world going through these emotions. We come across so many people facing even much more than we do but we come back to ourselves, consoling our mind that whatever it is, what about my pain and problems? The cycle keeps continuing. What’s the solution? Do we have one ready or do we create one? I don’t know.

People come in our lives, people leave. Not everyone stays but each time you learn a new lesson, a new experience, something unique to remember, something to be thankful about and something to be regretful about. We have become so weak that we need distractions to keep ourselves busy so that we don’t over think or go into that in depth chain of self criticism or analysis. Days, Weeks, Months, Years pass by but where do we reach? We either are at the same place or we have moved on but not applied what we learnt. It all comes back to us once in a while.

We trust a few people who become our confidante but after a point of time; we don’t even feel like speaking to them about the usual troubles which keep bothering us. So what’s next? How do you manage to survive ahead? So many goals to be achieved, so many heights to reach, so much to feel happy and relieved but where to start and when to end? Everything feels like chaos. A chaos like dark walls of messy cyclone, a rain full of experience and a summer raging inside us, consistently. We are more than just seasons, aren’t we?

adodani

You haven't failed. It is a phase and like everything it will pass away. You have spelled it all very correctly that even though we acknowledge the fact that people are facing a lot worse than us we still give our problems the priority. It is very natural. Happens with everyone, happened with me too. A trick, however, that I found to deal with a situation like this is I think of my past where I have struggled much more and have eventually came out of it.

You can be your best inspiration Ashu. You know you have faced it all and came out of everything triumphantly. And even after everything if you feel that you have failed, then always remember endings are nothing but begginnings of better things.