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Pull the Jealousy Weed out by the Root! Jealousy in relationships is not sexy. It is not fun, or nice, and often it is either the reason that your partner leaves, or the reason that they are unhappy. It’s important to take a look at your feelings and behavior, and see if this is becoming a problem in your life. Do you worry about your partner when they are out with other people? Do you go out of your way to keep them from going out with other people? This type of controlling behavior is not healthy, and ultimately will not help your relationship.

It is important, first, to take a look at where jealousy in relationships comes from. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship in the past where someone has been unfaithful? Maybe the behavior or dress of your partner when going out is something that concerns you? Before you go into dialogue with your partner about jealousy, it is very valuable to take a look at the root of the problem and to be able to communicate the cause clearly. Make a list of situations that make you uncomfortable, and see if there is a common thread, or person, or behavior that ties them all together. If you cannot find a pattern, maybe talk it out with a trusted friend – often an outside perspective is helpful to find the overall theme of the jealousy in the relationship.

Once you’ve found the root, it is very important to talk with your partner about what you’re feeling. Be very careful here for to lay blame on him or her! IT is easy to become defensive, and once that happens it becomes very difficult to listen. Start with saying that you have been doing a lot of thinking, and that this is something that is important to you and that you want to work through together. Explain the reason for the jealousy in your relationship stems from, and what you think you (as a person and as a couple) might be able to do about it. If it is a specific person, explain that you know that nothing is going on, but it makes you a little uncomfortable, and you will try to get over it if they will try to be sensitive to your feelings about it. Use a lot of “I feel,” or “I am” statements, and try to avoid saying “you” in the conversation at all if possible.

One additional note: When jealousy in relationships applies to all situations where your partner interacts with the opposite sex, you have a problem. You don’t need to be dating anyone until you can get these feelings under control, and it might be time to seek professional help. Ultimately, you will feel stronger and more confident when you can beat those feelings, and you can give yourself fully to your partner in the future.