Mamablogger365 – A Momentary Lapse in Reason by Kate Fineske

A light snow was on the ground. The sun, which had shown its face all afternoon, was slowly being replaced by dusk. And I was driving home after picking up our newly finished holiday cards fresh off the press – relieved to have one more thing checked off my to-do list.

I glanced to take another quick look at the adorable (if I do say so myself!) photo of my family on the front of the card… and then quickly called my husband to tell him about how great they had turned out.

Ring. Ring. Ring.
Nothing. Direct to voicemail.

Hmmm. I knew my husband had taken the kids to the grocery store while I had gone across town to pick up the cards, maybe he was with the cashier now and just couldn’t talk?

Again, I glanced over at the cards and thought to myself proudly, “Look at my family…”

A smile filled my face and my heart filled with love as I was visually reminded of my supportive husband and my 3 kids who filled my days with so much love.

And I am not blind to the fact that there will still be days like these to come – days that most likely might present more challenges, heartbreaks, and tragedies.

But today, generally speaking, I felt happy and full of holiday spirit.

From One Extreme to Another

And again, I dialed my husband’s cell number. (He should be home by now and I really wanted to tell him about our gorgeous cards!)

Ring. Ring. Ring. Voicemail.

So instead I tried our home phone.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Answering Machine.

And it was exactly at this moment that things changed.

Because suddenly, I panicked.

Why wasn’t my husband picking up the phone?
What was the problem?
Could he have gotten in an accident?
Are the kids OK?

In no more than the blink of an eye, I had gone from having a fantastic, blissful, love-filled day; to complete and utter panic and worry.

My mind continued to spit out thoughts and questions.

Could that ambulance (which just passed me by on the highway) be going to their accident?
Maybe my husband wasn’t answering because the phone was thrown from the car?
Or maybe, he wasn’t even conscious…

I know. I probably sound a bit crazy, but this is exactly my psychotic thought process during my short, momentary lapse of reason!

My heart skipped a beat and my smile was replace by a full fledged tear, and visions of what my life would look like without my family spilled into my head…

Where would I be without my oldest daughter? (my pride and joy)

How could I live without my middle guy? (whose ear to ear smile could brighten any bad day)

What would I do without my youngest? (my little baby whose laugh was so contagious)

And I thought of my husband, because I really couldn’t imagine my life without him and his support and his friendship.

And in a continued panic I felt another, bigger tear, slip out of the corner of my eye and down my cheek.

Yes. In the blink of an eye, I had gone from one extreme to another. And now…

I. Was. Completely. Psychotically Panicked.

I had been suddenly attacked by a sensation of fear so strong that it momentarily prevented me from good reasoning and logical thinking.

A Return to Reality (And Relief)

And then it stopped.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

My phone rang and almost as quickly as it had started, the panic stopped.

“Hello!” I said with a sigh of relief as my husband started quickly talking to me through the phone about: how-they-just-got-home-from-the-grocery-store… and if-he-should-start-dinner-or-wait-a-bit…

Through his talking I heard the sounds of my daughter and middle son arguing about who gets which pencil when doing homework…

Then, moments later, my husband interrupts talking to me to quickly say “No!” to my youngest son who was beginning to climb on the couch.

Relief crept back in, the panic subsided, my momentary lapse of reason vanished, and I took a deep breath.

And it was in this moment, that I remembered how much I really. do. love. them.

In that split second of relief… I realized, what it is like to love, unconditionally, with your whole heart – as I believe motherhood has really allowed me to do.

And, of course, I made sure to quickly scold my husband for having his phone on vibrate!

Leave a comment. Have you ever had a sudden rush of worry and panic? How do you deal with irrational worry? Do you believe motherhood has expanded your heart and your ability to love?

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This post has been contributed on behalf of The National Association of Mothers Centers, whose mission is to create a community of women, who through mutual support and public advocacy, explore, enrich and value the maternal experience.

The post author, Kate Fineske, currently is a staff member with the National Association of Mothers’ Centers where she maintains and provides the content to the Mothers Central Blog – the Parenting Blog of the NAMC. She is also responsible for helping the NAMC work to build stronger connections and support with the local Mothers’ Center Chapters nationally.

Kate is a longtime member of the National Association of Mothers’ Centers through her local chapter of the Mothers’ Center of Greater Toledo in Ohio. She and her husband are busy raising 3 children ages 1-8. Kate’s professional background is as a graphic designer in the creative and education industry. Since 2005, she has been using her professional skills by actively volunteering with the Mothers’ Center of Greater Toledo in various leadership positions. She also blogs personally at http://www.onthegomomma.net.

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