Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Hope...

I had the most amazing experience with Robert last week. I had started school again on Tuesday and it had been really difficult to be away from him all day. I ended up feeling like we didn't get to reconnect or spend a lot of time together at night, because I wouldn't get to the hospital until 6:30. And sometimes there were people dropping by, and Robert had been really tired and feeling sick with his infection.On Thursday night I woke up with him to help him to the bathroom and as he was finishing washing his hands I gave him a hug. He started crying so hard, I had never seen him so upset. He was saying he didn't know how much more he could take, and he wasn't sure if he could keep doing this. He was just genuinely so tired, on every level. I calmed him down as best as I could, and we talked for a while, we prayed, and cried. I went back to sleep just wondering how all of this was going to happen, and hoping that Robert would be able to make it through this with ease.The next morning I decided not to go to school and just spent time with him. He seemed to be doing a little better that morning and thanked me for comforting him the night before. We just spent time together until his mom came so I could run and take a shower and get some things done. So I went and did my things, and I was driving back to the hospital on the freeway when my phone rings. I pick it up and it says Robert My Love is calling. I answer it.Ash: "Hello?"Rob: "Heyyy!"Ash: "How are you doing?"Rob: "Ashley, I feel soooo good. I can't even explain it. I just feel so good. Like all my pain is gone and so much has been lifted from me."At that moment I felt this wave of incredible peace, with a strength that I had never felt before. I immediately began to cry.Ash: "Wow. That is amazing."(I had no other words for what I knew and felt)Rob: "I know. I just feel so so good. I wish you could feel this feeling. I never want it to go away.Ash: "Well I am just glad that you have it, and I think I am feeling a portion of it. I am so excited to see you and I am so happy.Rob: "Me too. I feel like I can do anything now."We then said we loved each other and that I would see him soon. I was on one of the highest, if not the highest, spiritual high I have ever experienced. I was overwhelmed with gratitude, love, hope, faith, all of it. It was the first time since I found out Robert's cancer had come back that I just knew that everything was going to be all right. That all of this was going to work. Even if I didn't understand everything, why or how, that I just knew that my faith and hope would carry me through everything that this experience has to offer.When I got to the hospital Robert was glowing. Linda was sure he had gotten some kind of pain meds, but I took one look at him and just knew that Heavenly Father had allowed Robert's pain to be taken away and for him to feel like he could take on anything. To make him feel and know that he could and would do this all again, and come out the other side victorious, and stronger than ever before.After getting to talk to him alone Robert told me that he had had some sort of a dream state and that he felt things being taken from him and he felt this peace enter him. He kept saying that he would do anything to keep this feeling. He wanted me and Linda to know exactly how it felt. I think I got to feel a tiny portion of how he was feeling, just by being around him. It was simply incredible. I have never experienced anything like it. I have nothing but gratitude for... My Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. I know that he will carry us when we can go no further on our own. For the atonement and its healing powers. For a loving Heavenly Father that will always make up what we lack, who is constantly sending us angels and heavenly assistance when it is needed by us at any moment. For the spirit's strength and comfort. For the connection we have as brothers and sisters to care for one another, and love each other, and serve one another. I am just so grateful for my experiences. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and his divine plan for each of us. There is so much he wants to bless us with, all we have to do is allow him to, and be grateful for whatever way it shows up in our lives.We love you all very much. Thank you for the power of your prayers.

*Robert is feeling good, his numbers are coming up. He is now .8, and we are grateful to see them rising.

Our Heroes

Donations to the Hope Trust

Donations will go to the Robert Ashworth Memorial Fund to benefit his wife, Ashley.

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Robert's Story

Robert Kenneth Ashworth, 25 won his fight with leukimia (AML), just not the way we hoped. He passed away December 13, 2009. He was first diagnosed in November 2007 and completed four rounds of chemo and a bone marrow transplant in the following 9 months. He recovered from end of July 2008 until the leukemia returned in February 2009. He received a second bone marrow transplant and won his fight again. He was cancer free from October until December. He is survived by his wife Ashley, 24 and his parents Linda and Ken Ashworth. We are telling their story here.