This whole Iraq thing is getting pretty out of hand. Oh, yeah; breaking news, right? I'm referring to this whole civil war that's stirring up between two Islamic sects that are basically the same (to my ignorant American self, anyway). I've realized this entire conflict, at least at this point, can be interpreted as one epic Bronx Tale/West Side Story-esque gang war. The patterns of violence function almost identically to that of a mid 1950's Brooklyn teenage neighborhood gang. "Those Sunni motherfuckers slashed my brand new tires! Let's beat those dickheads!" And then a street brawl commences with a bunch of italian kids with slicked back hair and wife beaters wielding baseball bats and heavy chains. Only they're not cocky Italian teenagers from 1950's Brooklyn, they're angryass Iraqis...throwing shit at eachother I guess. The media doesn't do that great of a job covering these brawls, I have no idea what goes on in them.

In any case, I'm pretty inspired to write some kind of play relating to the subject matter, this crap is a goldmine of exploitable drama.

So earlier tonight I had the most irresistable urge for some chicken nuggets. I was just sitting here, doing essentially nothing, and I proclaim to my brother, who is fucking around on his computer, "MAN, I could really go for some Wendy's right now." He gives me his "uh what" response and after a few minutes I convince him to join me in this mini-adventure. After 10 minutes I found one that was still open (it was about 2 am, keep in mind) and ordered about 20 chicken nuggets and a frostie. I saw this gigantic goddamn truck curiously driving around the parking lot in circles for a little while, but it turned out to just be a streetsweep or something. The End.

My life isn't all that interesting. If I updated this exclusively when something cool happened, I'd probably update like, twice a year, at the most. Maybe I should join the Marines just so I can make updates like "Today I shot a man." or "Today I drove a tank."

Anyway, I saw that "Date Movie" tonight, and it pretty much sucked; think poorly executed parodies with enough nuts/poop/Michael Jackson jokes to feed Africa. Tasteless, to say the least.

I found an old cigarette in my drawer, so I'm going to go smoke that on my roof and maybe watch this artsy fartsy independent film I picked up earlier today.

In this very special entry I present to you various "good" ideas offered to me by an especially stoned teenage male.

-When you're rich, hire the best lawyers in the country and spend a bunch of money so you can take a stupid as hell case (Judge Judy kinda thing) all the way to the supreme court

-Every human being falls into a specific "formula", like your stereotypical real world or teenage drama you'd see on one of those family channels (or maybe WB or an MTV owned channels), just more advanced.

-An epic science fiction (I should read more of this!) saga about the parallel history of two tribes of people, featuring mainly the two kingly families, their capitol cities, etc. go from the beginnings of the tribe through expansion into massive cities, and stuff. include wars and stuff between the two tribes. Story ends after 100(0?)'s of years of being separate and sometimes hostile, when in a large ceremony they merge into one

-Where do Mexican immigrants and their families live?

We also decided to hereby refer to "marijuana" as "mousetrap," please make note of this change and be sure to include it in your everyday vocabulary.

Repeating “no” approximately 200 times brings that extra little bit of literary poignancy that only they are capable of. Truly they are wordsmiths that redefine the English language into a realm where words dance and twist to the rhythm of raw art itself.

Here, again, the Peas bring to light their mastery of irony by interjecting the single positive sentiment into an endless stream of negativity.

Some philistines might say that making tons of songs that use the same "no no no no no no" chorus shows a lack of creativity. They might say, well, that it is goddamn retarded assgarbage that only brain-dead shitmolesting rectum faced inbreds would like.

They would be wrong. Those of a more refined nature would see past this for the artistic merit they subtly interject with every repetition.

"That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl"

It is only through this repetition does the young man's endless desire truly become apparent; the third line demonstrates the emphasis on his shame at his inaction, while the FIFTH echo illustrates his subconscious desire for acceptance for his choices from an uncaring society (alluded to in line one.)

Truly, many levels are at work in modern pop music. Why else would it be so popular? Even the lyrical genius of Eminem has expanded into this realm, with his song "Just lose it UGHG UGHHG UGUUGH UUGHU UGUGUHG".

The flag was set at half-mast today. Did a senator die? No. Did anyone of any personal or social significance die? No. Of course not.

At this school, things don't function as they do in normal society. No one could really tell you why, its really a combinations of varying, unrelated reasons, like the universe. There are a bunch of theories and ideas floating around, but nothing too concrete.

Anyway, turns out that some insane/unsocial girl put the flag at half-mast because some mild acquaintance of hers (from at least 3 years ago, I should add) died in some "partying too hard" type of incident. That's bullshit. You don't lower a flag because someone you once knew a while ago, and probably wasn't a terribly great person, died in some situation of epic irresponsibility. Angered by this situation, myself and a few associates decided to hoist the flag back to its intended position. I'm no jingoistic ameriphile, in fact, I don't like the American flag (if we're talking purely of aesthetics, Bhutan probably takes the cake). In a lot of ways, I don't even like America. But I'll be damned if such desperate acts of exaggerated tragedy will flaunt about our society because someone with a half-assed brain doesn't think people give them enough attention.

Am I an asshole? That last part sounded a bit asshole-ish.

I'm a decent fellow, really. My social etiquette is usually based on whether or not I think it's justified to be a jerk. I'm not mean if you're dumb, or annoying, or a moron. If you're mean, I'm mean. I'm a counter-asshole. While this particular incident wasn't "mean," it was immoral, and a pathetic cry for attention. Which, in my book, falls into the "mean" pile.

In other news...

-I'm officially going to India in May. Yay.-I almost ate a peanut butter sandwich today.-Corn starch-based packing foam is edible, and doesn't taste all that bad. -In Microsoft Word, "mad" is a synonym for "crazy." -I just saw someone SPIT on the floor of the LIBRARY. Uncalled for, dude, uncalled for.

My mom printed out an article of this title for me today. It looks like it came from one of those christian psuedo-science websites with a spin on personal health and nutrition. This was somewhat insulting, both to my seemingly invincible cunning, with which I have fooled my parents on a multitude of occasions, and to my personal integrity. I have never openly admitted to my parents that I have ever, *ahem*, consumed a certain controlled substance of the cannabinoid family. In fact I have denied it at every accusation. However, my parents do not state outright how they feel or think about any particular situation. Like me, they only express their disgust or anguish for something through often reticent subtleties. I realize now that my parents have come to the conclusion that I have smoked weed/pot/marijuana (there is no single term for it I really prefer, let alone like). It's a bit of a blow to my self-esteem, because I have honestly believed I have slipped away clean. I guess my supposed "cunning" isn't as reliable and impeccable as I had once thought. Anyway, enough boring shit about me and my parents, on to this article, which was written by scientists!

So this article discusses this revolutionary new research conducted at Zucker Hillside Hospital in Glen Oaks, NY (what?) that reveals similarities "in the brains of pot smokers and young schizophrenics." Yes, brain similiarities. Specifically, it states that they found abnormalities in a left-brain pathway that is associated with language and auditory functions in both "pot smokers" and schizophrenics. It seems like they do a lot of research with the "pot smokers." Such things have been concluded like pot smoking inhibits your ability to drive, learn, and most importantly, read the bible. It's all quite interesting. But it seems that in this research they present their conclusions as if being stoned is a 24 hour a day thing. I'm no neurologist, so I can't hold much ground in an argument over the science of pot-brained teenagers, but most people are usually somewhat functional after only a few hours. After looking at this article's source site it's vaguely conservative undertones have become pretty apparent. It seems like a pretty legit medical news website until you start seeing articles like "Abortion linked to breast cancer." I'm sure there's articles in there that link most liberal views to some form of cancer. Maybe I'm just being a critical jackass. A few minutes ago I was compelled to disect this article and look up every doctor, organization, and affiliate linked to it, but that has since died off. I don't know why I care about useless shit like this. My mom hands me some shitty article and I turn it into a heated self-discussion and rather lengthly livejournal entry. Something tells me I should've just thrown it out and forgotten about it. I'm going to try and invest my time in something I actually care about now.

For my first piece, I'm going to pull a Jerry Seinfeld-esque "Whats the deal with ____?" type of thing. Alright, brace yourselves.

You know what I hate?"What's that?" you say.These fucking assholes whining about people getting diet soda at McDonald's and other organic health food joints. They say, "You're getting a Big Mac and DIET Coke? OH MAN LOL." What the fuck guys, getting diet soda is a decent way to trim a few calories. Are some people not qualified to get diet soda? I don't fucking care if some fatass gets diet soda with their grease-drenched meal. As humans, we force ourselves to amuse eachother at the expense of someone else's shortcomings. Well you know what you giggling asshole in the back of the line at McDonald's? Your FATHER is an ALCOHOLIC and your MOTHER works at WAL-MART. That's right, you witless commie, you're not any better than that poor fat guy trying to trim a few hundred calories. I have a feeling these are the same people who spend thousands of dollars on their shitty hondas to make them 10 times as loud. But that's a topic for another day I'm afraid. I have to hand it to the fat community. Not the "I'm fat and I hate myself" community, the "I'm FAT AND I'M PROUD" community. I honestly feel they've made commendable attempts to bring obesity up to being the standard of beauty again, like in the middle ages. Unfortunately, that has about as much of a chance of coming back as dumping shit out our windows and being dead by the age of 25. Those were the days.

Ah, yes. LiveJournal. I've never been particularly fond of it, however I feel socially and emotionally inclined to create an account. Its not my fault I abandoned my contemptible morality for the sake of a simple webpage, its these goddamn social pressures. Oh, social pressures, always pushing us teenagers to do drugs and shoot people and steal cars and such. Let this be sort of an extremely boring kickoff party for something no one cares about. Like those shitass screwdrivers you see on late-night infomercials. So have a drink, enjoy yourself, and anticipate my many rants to come. In all honesty, like most people, I've felt the need to create this account as a method of sort of venting my mind of all its cluttersome crap. You ever see those dumpsters that are so goddamn full there's cardboard boxes piled all over the fucking place, but no one does anything about it? Yeah, thats essentially my brain. Only difference is, I'm doing something about it. I'm taking initiative. I'm giving a few pennies to the Jimmy Fund when they run that lame commercial before a movie. I'm recycling. I can't concieve of any clever way to wrap all this up so, yeah...See you around.