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uhtred

uhtred

I can only describe it for me (as asexual male). There are some people for whom my attraction is primarily sexual. These are generally people I don't know well but who match the physical and obvious personality type that I'm attracted to. I a fantasy sense, I picture wanting to have sex with them.

Then there are people, generally only people I know well, when I enjoy their company, enjoy seeing them happy. I am likely also sexually attracted to them, but idle fantasies about them don't tend to be specifically sexual.

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SithGirl

SithGirl

Never heard of "primary sexual attraction" so I'm guessing here. It sounds like it would either mean sexual attraction that is the original attraction, strongest, or otherwise the focus; or that it's sexual attraction that did not stem from something else. Not really sure if this second part is a thing, but it made me think of the debate about sexual attraction being "the desire to have sex" and there technically being many reasons why one would "desire" sex without feeling attraction but that's getting into murky waters.

Sexual attraction in general (so, no "primary") is the attraction to or desire to engage in sexual activity with another person or persons. So looking at someone and wanting to f*** them essentially, though it can be over time and might just be a "I wouldn't mind getting into bed with them" as opposed to "I want to get into bed with them."

Romantic attraction is the attraction/desire to engage in romance or romantic activities with another person. It's related to wanting long term partnership but isn't the only outlet for that (QPRs are a thing). It's hard to define because "romantic", like "love", is different from person to person and has many varieties. Basically, it's the way you feel towards a romantic partner rather than a family member or friend. For me, I experience romantic attraction as wanting to spend time with them, share my interests, learn their interests, and engage in fun activities together. It's similar enough to how I act with friends that I give off the wrong signals sometimes, but it's different in my head.

One can know they're experiencing romantic attraction but not sexual attraction when there's no desire to take any sensual activity into sexual territory. Maybe you like holding hands but not holding their... thing. Or kissing is okay, but heavy petting during it is too much. Cuddling is comfortable, but rolling around in the sack is not. (There's also a gradient of what people would consider sexual or too far so... *shrug*). And yep, this is tied closely to sensual attraction, rather than romantic attraction which is close to platonic attraction. Sensual attraction being wanting to hold someone's hand at all, generally seen as romantic but not necessarily.

It's explained in this model. It differentiates primary and secondary attraction by what information on a person is readily available vs a bond formed over time. So primary sexual attraction would be more immediate or quickly-formed attraction based on physique, smell, clothing, behavior, first impressions, etc. As with every model, it has a few... flaws...

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Kimchi Peanut

Kimchi Peanut

It's explained in this model. It differentiates primary and secondary attraction by what information on a person is readily available vs a bond formed over time. So primary sexual attraction would be more immediate or quickly-formed attraction based on physique, smell, clothing, behavior, first impressions, etc. As with every model, it has a few... flaws...

I see... in that case, though I am sexual, I have never experienced such attraction.

But you can hug, cuddle and hold hands with a close friend. Can you not? Maybe only where I'm from lol.

What do I know... I'm aro as hell.

There's an entire emotional dimension that's different to friendship (note I do not say better), one I didn't know about until I met my beau. Granted, you can have physical contact with friends/family, but it tends to be more intense romantically, longer and generally more intimate. Also, you don't tend to be quite as "soppy" with friends, or randomly feel the need to hold them regardless of where you are.

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Telecaster68

Telecaster68

Okay. Guess it's just confusing when sexuals describe their feelings as "wanting to get to know them more, like talking with them" when it's the same for every other kind of attraction.

Yep. This is in fact a problem with the whole split attraction model - it confuses everyone by presenting attraction as being sliced up into discrete types, when it's pretty obvious it just doesn't work like that.

The only differences between sexuals and asexuals in the end are that sexuals sometimes want to have sex with some people for their own benefit, and they view coupley relationships as incomplete if they don't include sex.