remembering those who died before birth

Some months back, I visited Waipu (Northland), and, in the Presbyterian church yard, spotted the above memorial remembering those who died before birth (detail below – people have often put a name or word on the stones behind). I think it was particularly sensitively done, around a topic that too quickly (at least on the “by human choice” aspect) degenerates into heat without much light. Certainly I pray commenters here respect the spirit in which this is offered here, echoing the way it is offered in Waipu.

I do not really want to discuss fine details of the wording – how you or I would improve on it. I think they are providing a prayerful focus I have rarely seen elsewhere. In NZ miscarriages are little spoken about; the NZ abortion discussion is quiescent, in spite of having one of the Western World’s highest rates; rare would be the (nonRC) church leader who has agility in ethical theories (beyond “the Bible says” – which it often doesn’t); good luck finding any statement from an Anglican bishop or synod.

So, in the spirit of this very good memorial, I just want to offer these images. Maybe it may inspire someone, somewhere else, to create what is appropriate in your own context. And certainly may it inspire all of us to spare a prayer, and be a little more aware of what is more common than certainly we mostly talk about.

Thanks, Rodney. At the heart of the Waipu township there is a parking area by the museum. The church is across the car park from the museum – I don’t think you can miss it. This memorial is round the left of the church – again, I don’t think it is difficult to locate. Please take time to visit the museum; don’t miss it. It tells an absolutely amazing story, and does so in an excellent way. Advent blessings.

Thank you, Bosco, for posting this. Our first child, a little boy, was stillborn 6 months into the pregnancy. The pain has diminished to an ever-present ache in our hearts. This monument, and the prayers that go with it, means more than I can say.

Bosco, I lost my first and third pregnancy and the shocking treatment meant we campaigned for this issue to be properly recognised.

This poem I wrote ( it’s been published various places ) to express the first loss:

IF

the crimson thing which briefly lived in me
So long ago it seems
Now strangest of dreams,
And sadder-
If it did
Will its fair ghost haunt me forever?
Shall I meet at every turn its cherub face
For in the way of things I feel no place
For it
Or for the loss
Of it.

Yet I did feel it,
Feel it now.
But how?
I turned away
Some long time since
When others said
It’s not to be.
I ceased my grief
And like a thief
Withdrew
From what I knew.

Did it,
Small thing,
Know me?

*

I hope women are being treated more respectfully in the UK today, for all the nonsense gets talked about early life and morality there has been a distinct lack of compassion about this issue.