Just because Meowmy and Arwen are having lunch, does not mean that you get lunch. You get fed breakfast and dinner. You do not need canned food at lunchtime. This is not the military - you do not get 3 square meals a day. Suck it up and eat the dry food that is out all the time.

Yes baby, i know you're a girl. you DID have five litters of kittens to prove that to me. no, I am not changing your name. oh, and about this five litters. I REALLY am sorry about that. The vet would not perform the darned proceedure while you were preggy, and you kept getting preggy before you weaned the previous litter. Honestly, you are a kitty ho. but I love you. I'm so glad you're fixed now though. You're getting fat and I've always wanted that for you. please stop trying to eat my body butter though.

I know you loved your kittens, and i know you have never quite forgiven me for sacrifficing them to the evil metal animals in the street, but I assure you, they are in a better place* So please, stop trying to nurse the guinea pigs/chihuahuas/amigurumis. First, you have no milk. Second, none of the things you present your bewbs to WANT your milk. So cut it out.

I know you are nervious in this new house. So i am so glad you are finally popping out occasionally. But also, stop trying to give kisses to the new doggies. they are a little creeped out.

Lovles,

Kimmie-mama

Dear Missy,

You are my dad's cat. that means you should go force your love on HIM. I love you, but getting french kissed by a cat is rather odd.

Also, stop licking my eyelids.

Love,

Kim

*(forever homes... I just realized it sounded like i threw kittens into the path of cars... I didn't. i found a good home for every last kitten. It was the least i could do, after not being able to get her fixed in good time.)

I know you love cuddles, especially since Daddy is away and you have me to yourself. But please if you want one don't stand on me. Certain part of mummy are a bit tender at the moment and you putting all your weight on them hurts like buggery. Plus it blocks me view of the tv. Lying down is fine and much more comfortable for both of us.

I love you. I love that you love to follow me everywhere I go. But for once I would like to use the bathroom, take a shower, walk to the kitchen, e.t.c without you following and tripping me. Your yowling at the door every time I close it breaks my heart. I don't follow you and stare while you utilize the litter box I would appreciate the same courtesy. You'd think after 16 years I'd be used to it.

I love you. You should know that by now, because you've trained me to open doors for you and to give you treats when you're good. I do need to ask you a favor. Please to not bring mices in any more. I know you're a huntress, and that last mice was HUGE. I am sure you brought it in to say, "Momma I missed you here's a pressie" but that's not one I can use easily.

Please to take mices outside from now on, and I promise you will still get lots of scritches, belly rubs and TREETS! from me.

I know I've put on a few pounds over the last few years, but while my fingers may look like sausages, they are not actually sausages. Please, therefore, refrain from trying to eat them. They are not food.

Also, after a visit to the litter tray, scraping the wall in an attempt to cover it up won't accomplish much. Really, it won't. I'd have hoped you'd have figured this out after eleven years.

I understand that as far as you're concerned, you are the centre of the universe. And I'm happy to indulge from time to time. I just have a few things I'd like to mention:

1. I don't know how you do it, but why is it that every. single. time. I am on the phone you are able to come running from anywhere in the house/back yard/neighbourhood? Also, do you really need to cry the whole time I am talking? People are starting to think I am hiding a baby somewhere in my house.

2. Yes, I know you love cuddles. I am happy to provide cuddles. But I'd appreciate some notice before all 6.5 kg of you lands on my chest, claws outstretched, ready for a hug. You may have noticed by now that I am often busy doing something else. Just some advanced notice would be nice. And no, meowing whilst in mid-jump does not count.

3. Daddy would also like to request that you alter your landing zone on the bed when you jump up to say hi. Maybe a foot further down would be better.

You have been an indoor cat all 7 years of your life. What possessed you into running outside the other morning as I was leaving for work? Why did you make me chase you around my car a dozen or so times only to run back to the front door and laugh at me? Yes, I know you were laughing, you had a big kitty grin on your face.

Thanks a lot with lots of smooches,Mamma

Logged

Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah

You're a two months old kitten. Choco is a six years old cat. What in the world makes you think it's okay to jump on his back with no warning without risking being slapped ? You're lucky Choco is a very nice cat, otherwise you'd probably be scratched all over already.

Also, why is it that you can be sleeping on my bed at night, or on me... ALL NIGHT (that was tested) but the minute *I* try to go to bed, you turn into Hyper Psycho Kitty ? Tsk tsk. At least, Mom is gaga over you, which is a good thing.

Dear Choco,

Thank you for not strangling Tsuki to death with her antics. I hope you do realize I love you no matter what, and I'm proud of you for the way you act towards her now.

You are a cat. You eat cat food. My ice cream cone is mine. Next time I'm lying on the couch, watching my show and eating my ice cream cone, please do not walk across my body (purring the whole time), and plop your fuzzy butt on my face so you can partake of my ice cream!

Maybe let's call a truce. If I give you a teaspoon of plain ice cream in a little saucer for you to enjoy, will you leave me alone to enjoy my ice cream cone?

Also, after a visit to the litter tray, scraping the wall in an attempt to cover it up won't accomplish much. Really, it won't. I'd have hoped you'd have figured this out after eleven years.

Similarly, scraping the tile around the litter tray is also ineffective. And, while I appreciate the fact that you always have all four paws in the litter tray while you do your business, it turns out that the paws are not actually the most relevant part of your body for this procedure.