We've discussed 'internal conversations' but what do you say to your partner? Do you offer suggestions, encouragements, warning? I think I've done all three at different times but not much seems to work - indeed there are potentially dangerous side effects...

Thats me too - but a quiet time does not preclude a word or two. I think I want to hear something to the effect that we are a team. To be honest I've tried a variety of approaches with my DP - but none of them have worked.

I guess my real question is what does the girl say to the guy? What does he want to hear?

I do usually do that. What I'd like to do is to make him feel good about his dancing, really make sure he does not think I doubt him in any way. Obviously, trying to help an be sabotage since that comes accross as a lack of faith. However, being cavalier might also work badly. The sensible part of me reminds me that there is nothing much you can do at that moment but the emotional part of me does not listen and wants to do something. Perhaps I should say 'wanna go for a drink after?'

I want my DP to know that no matter what happens it doesn't matter because I would rather lose with him than win with somebody else. I am grateful for what he can do and not what he can't and I want him to realize that. No pressure, it is what it is and let's have a good time. At least that is how I feel, I'm not sure how he feels back.

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Everyone tries to rush up through the syllabus levles and think once they are at the top they have arrived. What they don't realize is that by doing this it is like skimming through a book, you may get the gist but you will never understand the story.

I want my DP to know that no matter what happens it doesn't matter because I would rather lose with him than win with somebody else.

My DP will read that comment as:

'We are not good enough to win this time.'

Tried that once and he kicked a tanty just before the comp. Nope squeeze and smile works better for me any day lol ! Depends on your DP I guess. Mine tends to ready everything negative and turn super sensitive and defensive before comps !

I want my DP to know that no matter what happens it doesn't matter because I would rather lose with him than win with somebody else.

My DP will read that comment as:

'We are not good enough to win this time.'

Tried that once and he kicked a tanty just before the comp. Nope squeeze and smile works better for me any day lol ! Depends on your DP I guess. Mine tends to ready everything negative and turn super sensitive and defensive before comps !

Yes, this is obviously a personalized subject - one mans boost is another mans inhibitor!

Interesting that no guys have commented here yet - do they ever worry if WE are going to be OK or need encouragement?

For our first comp together, I actually had a mental war - just whether to say anything to my partner. Because on one hand, I personally had this meditation, ritual, you may say, to focus myself. To concentrate myself. And I don't typically like talking during that stage. On the other hand, saying some encouragement, helping her seems to be something nice to do. Another reason was back then, my partner and I read "Maximize your Dance" (or something like that, couldn't remember the book title), and it said that right between dancing, you could/should focus on only one aspect/word of the dancing. That will help you focus. So I remembered our first comp, I told my partner what I would like to concentrate on for each rounds (frame, movement, just have fun, etc). And after the comp, she said that it helped her to actually focus. (whew~). Then the next comp, I thought, well, if it worked the first time, it probably would work the second time...when I told her, she gave me the look - so I never said any similar things anymore.

I think lately I normally gave a squeeze - though mostly right after the dancing, when we got off the floor. I mean, her hand normally was out of my reach for most of the time. That, or I have to grab her hand to squeeze it, and I have the feeling that she would punch me if I do that...

I also say something like "we will do great," "we are awesome" etc. Though I am not entirely sure if I say it for her or for myself.

Actually, for the lady, do you prefer us to say something? Or really just shut our mouth up and mind our own business?