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Two Polish hunters got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big bull moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one moose.

The hunters strongly objected saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both... and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."

Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded. However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Yanush and Stashek survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Yanush asked Stashek, "'Any idea where we are?"

Stashek replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!"

Hell explained by chemistry student

Been around, but a funny read on a boring day...

The following is (supposedly) an actual question given on a
Louisiana State University chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that
the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off
heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and
heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at
which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely
assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the
different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not
a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night,
then number two must be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has
frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct…...leaving
only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa
kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck."
If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Sunday Quickie

Sunday Quickie

A couple who lived in a very small high rise apartment knew
that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their
8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle
and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out,
"How do you know they're having sex?"