Hi, My Name Is Dick.

This week we’re taking an in depth look at what we like to call our ‘international flavor’ here at Sub Pop. Ladies and Gentlemens—please meet Richard Laing—a guy from Scotland who thinks ice lolly is the correct term for a popsicle.
L: State your name and position.
R: Dick Laing, sales.
L: Tell me a little bit about what you do.
OH WAIT. IN COMESCARLYSTARR. Dick used to be her intern.
L: Go ahead Richard—tell me about what you do.
R: I…huh…uh…uh…(silence). I try to create demand and meet demand for records.
C: Listen to you, sounding professional.
L: Carly, do you think that is a bullshit answer?
C: Definitely. I know what Richie really does..
R: What do I do?
C: He pretends to be Scottish when he’s not really.
(Here Richard laughs a little honking nerd laugh…)
C: That way…
R: I said no racial slurs!
C: He has to be here to fill our minority quotient.
L: Yeah, it’s pretty white around here. I don’t know if a Scotsman really helps, though.
R: Hey, Carly, remember when I used to be your intern?
C: Yes.
L: Sounds like it was a real memorable blast.
L: Who do you guys like the least here?
C: You, of course. (to Lacey)
R: (silence)
L: It’s okay, no one reads this thing…
R: (silence)
C: C’mon, Richie!
R: I’m passive explosive and not ready to explode yet.
L: Okay, you total pussy, who’s your favorite coworker?
R: Equally, Dean and Andy.
(I’d like to point out here that these guys are Richard’s “bosses”. What a crock of shit.)
L: Alright, last question. Would you guys strip naked and snuggle each other in a snow storm?
C: Isn’t the last question always about stripping naked or doing it?
(She’s on to me.)
R: Sure.
(This is the way it always ends, too.)
L: Okay, okay. For real. What is your favorite record of 2007 so far?
(Silence all around)
C: I can’t remember what came out this year. Oh, wait—easy. The rerelease of CSS.
L: Oh c’mon!
R: Equally, Grinderman and Panda Bear.
L: I like how you don’t ever want to hurt anyone’s feelings….