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You can’t control what people think, you shouldn’t control what people say

Barrack Obama said that in one of his addressed to the UN where mentioned he has become used to people calling him appalling things every day. While I won’t dare to equate myself to him, it generally applies to everyone. I have an anecdote from my very first (and expensive) private rehab where I spent 28 days.

The psychologist told me before I left not to expect people playing kompangs (a Malay drum usually used for celebrations) to herald your new found sobriety. No one is going to believe you.

A lot of ex-addicts get snared by this apparent “lack of support” and relapse due to the mentality that “Well, if no one is going to believe me anyway, I might as well go right on doing drugs.”

What has that got to to with anything?

It has got to do with everything.

I’ll like to thank all my readers for being supportive throughout my Project Listen campaigns. There’s a handful of naysayers (but that’s to be expected, and coming from the same IP, disregarded by me) but the point of that lesson is learning how to believe in yourself!

That is the true path to recovery.

That is the only way to become a better person.

You don’t rely on what others think or say for your self-confidence – that is the worst thing you can do. Just believe in yourself and want to be a better person.

Of course, it takes a long time (nay, a lifetime) to become a better person but I wanted to start anyway coz every journey begins with a single step. I have taken enough from the ones dearest to me. I have lived life to the fullest extent. Now it’s time to give it all back.

I could have just written about anything mundane, but I choose to write about the most difficult parts of my life and how I’m changing it. I firmly believe in the reach of Project Listen and I hope that the experiences I’ve been through could be of help in some way to someone.

Thank you again for sharing my videos, it was hard doing them, it was a decision that I made and I’m glad I did it.

One last note – if there’s any of you out there stuck in the depths of drug addiction, know you can set yourself free, but only if you choose to. If any of you are in a spot coz of unwanted pregnancies colliding with religious beliefs, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Finally, cherish your family and those dearest to you for they are the ones who stay when everything else goes to shit.

and REPAY you shall, boy….
and always believe in yourself?? Not when one self is leading the wild in the ways of a boy. With that kind of attitude, things will never ever change. You can only fool the people around you for x amount of time only.

I’m very flattered by the persistence that you display. In a perverse way, I quite look forward to your vitriolic tirades actually. It says a lot about you.

…but that’s not who I am now. I feel sorry for you man.

However, you seem to be really hurting inside, perhaps you should talk to someone about that.

I shall leave you with a quote from a commenter:
The only opinions that matter are the ones from the people you care about, not the white noise you get online or from other people irrelevant and inconsequential to your life.

Wow, thats a rather generic and PREDICTABLE reply coming from someone who is constantly trying to hide their TRUE COLOURS. Nobody is surprised with your reply there mate. I would expected more from you actually….

In a perverse way, I quite look forward to your vitriolic tirades actually. It says a lot about you.
Oh no, no no, that says alot more about YOU actually :) you just love to feeeeed on perversion…

multitude of other nicks? HEH abit rich coming from someone who uses a multitude of nicks as well, aye veritas? :) Also, one look at some commentators on this website and you have to question whether they are legit or not. Beware people, this guy is one cunning individual with wasted talents…. and oh such a waste indeed…

That’s a good point, a reasonable one, although it’s all too human, and with that, comes the ugly flaws of being human.

I’m doing right now and I’m not raised to believe in karma even though I invoke the term a lot. :)

I have also been wronged in the past but I’ve moved on and forgave those who had wronged me. I neither dwell on it nor do I exact thoughts of vengeance. It’s always better to be the bigger (better?) man and forgive.

I believe that’s the true way forward.

Salvation is free, ask and it will be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you.

My buddy in uni and I always had this thing about how life is *only* about looking for true love and happiness and all other things being inconsequential.

I’ve always believed that the only tune you need to dance to is the one that you carry in your heart. The only opinions that matter are the ones from the people you care about, not the white noise you get online or from other people irrelevant and inconsequential to your life.

So soldier on. I’m certain you’d be able to make some kind of peace with the past and find some joy in your hunt for true love and happiness :)

I used to think and care what people will say about me. But in the end i will be the one suffering over the words. As time passes, i begin to feel that what matters the most is how i think of myself and family members..

The words of the song: “The Greatest of Love of All” come to mind but I will not bother to quote lines from it here – everyone knows the song and the words, I guess.

But I would like to quote a very popular poster in the 70’s…the hippie days of flower power & smoking pot – the poster read, “When I die, bury me upside down so the whole world can kiss my ass!”

I guess that says it all – it’s our life and we live it for ourselves and not for others., the hell with what anybody else thinks. We live it the way we want and the best we can but no one’s an island – just surround ourselves with the new we love and those who love us – friends and family alike.

Those prophets of doom can go and fly kite – their kind will never see good in anything anyway…and nothing pleases them more than to drag everybody into the shit-hole they’re in. They’re all around, everywhere – even among my colleagues when I was working – all the bad-mouthing and the back-biting. Best ignored…and move on – life is too short to waste on the likes of these.

Been reading your blog from many, many moons ago and i’m impressed by your progress. I’m the mother with a daughter who cut herself during her teens. She’s turned out into a loving, caring adult now and i have you to thank for giving me some understanding of this condition, HB. You won’t remember it but i’ll never forget – thank you! Now i’ll make like Rob Schneider in all those Adam Sandler movies and go – ‘You can do it!’ :-) Cheers!

HB, well there some people out there say things without thinking and some say things pretending to be stupid not knowing it . Yet I see they do know what they are saying to hurt person but pretend not to in order to get away with it,

Yes I agree on that..
you can’t stop people saying .. but I will always think positive on their comments ..
i always think that it is another opportunity for me to improve myself..
everyone is not perfect.. cheers ….

No matter what you do, there will always be the doubters and haters in life. I guess they just need their daily dose of schadenfreude. Heh. Life is too short to fret over these jokers (and I am sure you know that already).

Mate, it’s good to see that you’re finally doing some reconciling with your past. I know some of us haven’t been really convinced about the “new” HB, but really, at the end of the day, you only need to be at peace with yourself, God and your loved ones. Keep up the good work, mate.

Yup, I agree that’s the way it should be, as I mentioned in the post, there was a very wise drug counselor who told me not to worry about what people think – it has lead to the downfall of many.

That particular psychologist was also an ex-drug user (although those of us in the program had very little regard for him at the time considering he doesn’t inject and only smoked heroin – all of us users were IDUs – injecting drug users – and used more drugs and more intensely then he ever did).

However, that’s a very immature way of thinking, the “I’m harder than you” mentality and obviously I don’t think like that anymore (or I wouldn’t even listen to what he says).

He does have a lot of wise words as a recovering addict who managed to get into a very prominent private hospital here.

Thanks to that, he has unwittingly helped us deal with a lot of issues post-rehab (although I don’t think he knows it considering none of my batch kept in touch with him – it wasn’t encouraged, even with each other although I got to know a few friends in Brunei from that stint).

Cheers for the support mate! :)

Yup, indeed, in the end you just have to be at peace with yourself and your loved ones.

I’ve followed your blog for years, at least since the days of Veritas. Back then I was very taken by your posts and how they coincided with my own fledgling investigation into various narcotics. I’ve been struggling with addiction for some time now and I’m finally at a turning point.

I recently started re-reading your blog, as I had not done so for a year or longer, and it brought some inspiration and hope to this otherwise confused and scared kindred spirit.

I’ll be moving in January, in doing so I hope to make the final changes which will allow me to break free of the addictive mentality I’ve clung to for so long.

It’s nice to hear someone verbalize the struggle of gaining acceptance, but I think this post has made me start to think in a way that such acceptance (from others) seems inconsequential.

I’m sorry to hear about your ongoing struggles with addiction, it can be really tough to quit and the addictive mentality that you speak of, or the potential for addiction is well documented in people like us with the A1 allele gene.

Genetics aside, it is possible to quit, and I wish you all the very best in doing that.

There is a danger of a “substitute addiction” though so be careful of that.

I’m glad you’re taking positive steps and putting yourself first during this important time. What others think is inconsequential and you don’t have to prove an iota to them. Just believe in yourself and I wish you all the best.