Why is it important to let go of the past?

Melody Beattie in her book, ‘The Language of Letting Go’, talks about working through issues from within your family of origin, as a way to learn how to love and respect yourself. If you’re someone who puts others first before yourself, then, setting boundaries is a really important first step towards self-care.

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to say, “no” to someone, but were afraid they would get angry with you? There are three important tools to getting over the stress of saying, “no” so that you can take better care of yourself in your important relationships.

‘Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships’.

MELODY BEATTIE

WHY WORK THROUGH PERSONAL ISSUES?

Melody Beattie says, “The more we work through our family of origin issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we’re attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.

The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of. The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.

HOW TO LET GO OF THE PAST

This is a slow process. We need to be patient with ourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight. However, part of learning to love and respect ourselves begins with setting boundaries, and is the number one tool for improving your overall wellbeing.

Family Therapist, Sarri Gilmore’s insights on the importance of setting good boundaries begins with listening to your inner compass as a way for making decisions that support your self-care. She says this is the best guidance for learning when to say “NO” and discover when saying “YES” would leave you stressed and ignoring your own needs. In this video, Sarri shares stories and tools to strengthen your boundaries. Click PLAY to watch the video.

“Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve." Melody Beattie

LEARN THESE THREE TOOLS FOR LETTING GO OF THE PAST

Being attracted to dysfunctional people can linger long and well into recovery. That does not mean we need to allow it to control us. The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn—no matter how long we’ve been recovering. However, a first step on the path to recovering from relationships that no longer serve you is to set boundaries. Here are three important tools to help you:

1. LET YOUR INNER COMPASS GUIDE YOU

There’s something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. Your Inner Compass will guide you, so paying attention to this inner voice will help you to develop trust in yourself. We know when we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we’re controlling others, but because we’ve changed.”

2. SAYING “NO”

No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. Learning to say, “no” to people who are unhealthy for you will eliminate the brief stress of setting a boundary.

3. CHANGING YOUR BELIEFS

Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our boundaries. Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing, than our own. We’ll set a limit when we’re ready, and not a moment before. So will others.

“Things change, not because we’re controlling others,

but because we’ve changed.”

MELODY BEATTIE

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It’s official! Science now tells us that kids aren’t the only ones needing unstructured playtime and time to fuel their imagination. Many adults could do with using more activities requiring imagination, innovation and playful improvisation also. Research now shows studies based on brain-imaging has found that creativity alters our brain chemistry and boosts our physical and mental health.

‘You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have’.

MAYA ANGELOU

Time to Reconnect and Enhance Your Creative Ability

Did you know that reading poetry and the classics can be more helpful than, a self-help book. And, knitting is significantly therapeutic, much like listening to music. When we go to an gallery just to appreciate art, this can dramatically lower our stress and anxiety levels and has a flow on effect of helping you to be calm, relaxed and happy?

It has also been found that drawing, journalling, reading poetry, making arts and crafts can be very helpful in relaxing your mind, your muscles, lowers inflammation and indigestion problems. It also improves positive self-esteem, as well as increased productivity. This is because creative pursuits help us focus our attention, similar to the way that meditating does.

Flow is the key ingredient to accessing the many physical, emotional and mental benefits of creativity. Psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his book, ‘Flow’ talks about the state we enter when we are so engaged in our creative process that we even seem to lose track of time, temporarily forgetting ourselves, our problems and internal chaos. When we are in flow we tend to forget what’s happening in our lives currently and even, what’s happening in our bodies. We find that negative thoughts disappear during this time. For some they achieve this state when they are doing physical exercise, however, even tasks that involve repetition like knitting, crochet help to alleviate strong emotions and have a a calming effect on our nervous system

If you’re feeling depressed or high anxiety, current research from neurological studies have found engaging in activities with meaning and purpose, including creative passions work like your own internal medicine and act much like a natural anti depressant and mood enhancer. Ask yourself, are you in need of a mental, or physical enhancement? And, if the answer if yes, it may be time to focus on your creative passions and increase the time you spend doing these activities. One way to reconnect to your creativity is by taking yourself on a weekly artist date, where you go by yourself on a date, or activity that reconnects you to an activity you love to do, but have stopped doing for one reason or another.

Enjoy this video where Julia Cameron talks about how taking yourself on an Artist Date brings playful delight back into your life.

“Stressed out? When was the last time you took time out and wrote in a journal?

Take Yourself to an Art Exhibit, or Museum

You may have had a mind-stretching, body tingling experience where you were looking at a painting, sculpture or other artwork, you know what I’m talking about. Perhaps you are unsure about art, or have the idea that art is not for you. Rest assured you don’t have to be all artsy to enjoy art. You don’t even have to understand it to be able to get something from it. Just remain curious and allow your body to have it’s natural response to what your experiencing. If you have just one moment where you can experience wonder, then, that is what counts and is having a positive benefit on you.

Emotions are processed by a special area of the brain and when our pleasure centres are activated by contemplating a painting or other artwork even, when it’s not immediately clear what the artwork is about. Our brains, bodies and emotions are positively rewarded. Signals to the brain are the same as when we’re daydreaming, or thinking about the future and enhances the pleasure and reward mode even further. There is also an area called, ‘the interior insult’ that is associated with the experience of pain that is activated, and this may be due to our brains trying process and find meaning in the art work. Taking time out to go to an art exhibit, or museum, even taking a painting class can be very rewarding as a result and will often change your brain’s neuroplasticity by activating and enhancing the reward centres through repetitive positive signals.

Why Not Start Writing a Daily Journal?

Are you stressed out? When was the last time you wrote in a journal? Most people are too busy replying to a full inbox each day, a huge to-do list to even consider the benefits of journalling for themselves each day. But, before you discount it completely there are many health benefits to writing worth considering. Many people are walking around with a huge amount of stress too big to handle. The cortisol produced through constant activation of stress hormones is very harmful and taxing to our immune systems leading to serious health problems, if you don’t put a stop to it in time.

The British Journal of Health Psychology published a study that showed how releasing the stress caused by emotional topic through writing or journaling actually lowered people’s cortisol levels. It is well known that expressive writing of a personal nature is very relieves long term suffering from any kind of psychological trauma. The study showed who wrote in a journal slept better, and this led to improved mood, as well as the ability to heal faster.

Reading Challenging Literature

Most people love to read, isn’t that what you’re doing right now? Did you know that reading topics that provide a challenge for example, Shakespeare provides many health benefits for brain and your mental health? Scans of the brain have found the more challenging texts, prose and poetry show more electrical activity is sparked off in the brain than, reading easier text, or more conventional and predictable language.

Philip Davis, an English Professor in the Magnetic Resonance Centre, at Liverpool University, UK after a research study on the effects of reading William Shakespeare, William Wordsworth, T.S. Eliot and others has on the brain, says, “When you read literature of a higher level leads to mental shifts in pathways and help to create new thoughts, shapes, and connections whether you’re young or old.

Read More Poetry

The same study found regularly reading poetry, leads to an increase in activity in the right hemisphere of the brain, the area connected to ‘autobiographical memory’. Poetry is very helpful in being able to reflect on our own life experiences and compare them to what we are reading. It also lights up the part of the brain concerned with language. Professor Davis says, “Poetry is not just a matter of style. It is a matter of deep versions of experience that add the emotional and biographical to the cognitive,”.

There is also evidence poetry affects our brains in the same way music does. Everyone knows the feeling when they hear a song, they really connect with. This is because the areas of the brain affected by music are the same that are aroused by reading poetry, particularly, the musical resonance of poetry, like rhythm, tone, cadence and word usage.

Get Crafty

Some experts equate the benefits of creative flow from craft activities with the meditative experience, in that it helps to regulate your emotions and focus your attention, much like a mental exercise would. Whether you’re building and restoring furniture, doing wood turning, painting ceramics, doing craft activities can create a state of deep relaxation, one that completely alters your physical and emotional responses to stress.

Sculpting, scrapbooking, sewing, throwing ceramics and pottery, gardening even, doing home repairs all of these tasks activate your brain’s reward centres releasing dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter, also known as a natural antidepressant. The other important factor is the building of community and friendships with these activities and this is one of the best antidotes to depression. Imagine how blissed out you can be when you get crafty or arty!

Keep On Knitting

Many knitters and crocheters find relief from stress when they do this regularly. They also said their cognitive functioning was higher. Not only that being in the company of fellow knitters was one of their greatest rewards. Research shows being part of a knitting community increased “perceived happiness” as a result of social contact and interaction with others. This in turn, improved mood and brain health. It has been proven knitting has significant psychological, social and therapeutic benefits providing much potential for helping with managing stress, depression, long-term illness and physical pain.

Your Hands are Tools for Creating Meaning

Using your hands for meaningful creative tasks is a great way to elevate your mood, stimulate your brain and senses as well as create better internal well-being according to physician + writer team, Carrie and Alton Barron who recommend doing this for at least 20-30 minutes daily.

Discover Your True Self and Open Up A New World

We exercise our brains daily through our work, so it makes perfect sense to also indulge our creative side too. This then, teaches patience, perseverance and creates a sense of pride as well as helping to develop fine motor skills. Just sitting with others who share your interests will move you closer to discovering who you truly are.

““Poetry is not just a matter of style. It is a matter of deep versions of experience that add the emotional and biographical to the cognitive.”

PROF. DAVIS

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In this TED talk, Elizabeth Gilbert muses on the impossible things we expect from artists and geniuses. She also shares the radical idea there is a ‘genius’ inside of all us. How would you like to know how to unlock your inner genius and unleash your creativity?

‘If you’re alive, you’re a creative person.’

ELIZABETH GILBERT

DOES CREATIVITY COME FROM US OR IS IT SPIRITUAL?

In Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome, people did not happen to believe that creativity came from human beings back then, OK? People believed that creativity was this divine attendant spirit that came to human beings from some distant and unknowable source, for distant and unknowable reasons.

In this Ted talk, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about how we all have a genius with and asks why are we afraid of this creative power? She goes on to say whenever we start talking about creativity everyone gets a little nervous and starts worrying about their mental health. Elizabeth suggests we help those creative people, so their genius can come out.

"Our creativity is a wild and unexpected bonus from the universe.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

HOW CAN WE DO CREATIVITY DIFFERENTLY?

Creativity itself doesn’t care at all about results – the only thing it craves is the process. Learn to love the process and let whatever happens next happen, without fussing too much about it. Work like a monk, or a mule, or some other representative metaphor for diligence. Love the work.

Destiny will do what it wants with you, regardless.

“If you are given only one opportunity to speak, be certain your voice is heard.”

De Botton argues that in the 19th century, culture replaced scripture as our culture’s object of worship, but we are no longer allowed to bring our fears and anxieties to this modern cathedral. “It is simply not acceptable to bring the aches and pains of our souls to the guardians of culture,” he laments. He goes on to explore how we can reclaim this core soul-soothing function of art from the grip of empty elitism and sterile snobbery, focusing on the seven psychological functions of art.

Enjoy this video where Alain Botton talks about Art As Therapy:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~ Mary Oliver

"We all have a hungry heart, and one of the things we hunger for is happiness." ~ Mary Oliver

We are very vulnerable, fragile creatures in desperate need of support and we generally don’t get it. … Art [can be] a source of help with our problems — our innermost problems — the problems of the soul. . . . Art can be a form of self-help and there is nothing demeaning about the concept of self-help — only the way in which some of self-help has been done so far, but there is nothing wrong with it as a concept. . . .

There is nothing wrong with [art today]. It’s not the art that’s the problem — it’s the frame around the art. We are simply not encouraged to bring ourselves to works of art. . . . The impact of art is often not what it should be because the frame is wrong.

[…]I believe that art should be propaganda of something [other than the Christian church] — not theology, but psychology. I believe that art should serve the needs of our psyche as efficiently and as clearly as it served the needs of theology for hundreds of years.

Art as Therapy is an excellent read in its entirety. Take a closer look at de Botton’s argument and his seven psychological functions of art here. ByMaria Popova.