Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Every Man's Battle book review

Sexual temptation

How many men struggle with this
issue? Aside from those who always give in (no struggle there), nearly “every
man” is tempted by attractive women or visual images. It’s no wonder this book
has become so popular, selling more than 2.5 million copies. The topic could
not be more relevant today, considering the explosion of pornography and use of
sexuality to sell everything from beer to movies and television shows. How can
men find the motivation and strategies to resist this fast rising flood? This
book provides those things for Christian men who desire to overcome this
temptation as well as other guys who want to remain faithful to their wives.

Three perimeters

Stephen Arterburn and Fred
Stoeker describe the goal as this: Sexual purity when no gratification is
obtained from anyone or anything but one’s wife. To accomplish this, they
outline where three perimeters which must be established: eyes, mind, and heart. The eyes must bounce
from objects of lust. The mind must evaluate and capture thoughts. The heart
must honor and cherish one’s wife. These concepts are explained in more detail
in the book. The authors make the point that impurity is not genetic (i.e., “I’m
male, so I’ll have impure eyes and an impure mind”), but is a habit. And, if it
lives like a habit, it can die like a habit (pp. 105-106).

Your sword

When tempted by our own desires
and/or Satan, we can counter these in the same manner as Jesus, with the word
of God found in the Bible. By memorizing only a small number of key verses we
can quickly utter when tempted, say the authors, we can fight off the attacks
(p. 141). For example, when a situation arises, we can state as Job did, “I have
made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin” (Job 31:1). Or,
we may have this statement of Jesus ready: “but I say to you that
everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
(Matthew 5:28)

The mustang mind

Arterburn and Stoeker explain the
natural male mind as like a free roaming mustang, mating with whomever it can.
To be faithful to one wife and true to God, the mustang must be brought into a
corral. Some proper mindsets are useful in bringing the mustang under control.
Our first line of defense when tempted with another woman may include the
realization that “This attraction threatens everything I hold dear” (p. 169). Involvement
with another woman will ruin a marriage and family. A second line of defense is
to declare, “I have no right to think these things.” I belong to another woman
and am bought by God with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20).

Strategies and
tactics

Once the decision has been made
to choose excellence, specific tactics must be employed to achieve victory. The
authors list two key strategies: bouncing the eyes and starving the eyes.
Immediately upon noticing an attractive woman, one must bounce the eyes away.
If this strategy is consistently followed for six weeks, the authors state “you
can win the war” (p. 125). To help accomplish this, two logical steps include
studying oneself to determine weaknesses and defining defenses for these weaknesses
(p. 126).

Sometimes men may find themselves
in a situation in which a friendship begins to grow with another woman. Rather
than waiting to see what might happen, we must prepare with “war game” simulations.
What if she makes advances? What if you find yourself alone with her? As Josh
McDowell advised teens to decide what to do before
getting into the backseat of a car, we plan ahead (p. 173). Starving the eyes
is part of the defense perimeter. By eliminating the “junk sex” of looking from
one’s life, the “real food” – a wife – will be much more satisfying (p. 134).

The authors also provide some
useful advice for women to help their husbands to overcome this addiction:

·Watch what he watches on
television

·Help him to find the new
equilibrium

·Defuse the seventy-two hour cycle
of heightened sexual arousal typical for men

·Allow him to ogle you a bit

·Do regular status checkups of the
situation

Cherishing

The third and innermost perimeter
involves “being consumed with God’s purpose to cherish your wife” (187). This
can be difficult if she does not behave in a deserving manner. However, the
authors make the admonition: “If you
don’t feel like cherishing, cherish anyway. Your right feelings will arrive
soon enough” (198). If a man sees his wife as a precious gift and remembers to
follow Christ’s example of demonstrating love before being loved in return, he
will be more able to cherish her.

Conclusion

Arterburn and Stoeker
provide inspiration and present some strategies to overcome sexual addiction. Additional
practical, specific methods are available as well to those presented here. Some
examples include: internet filters,
accountability partners, and recovery groups. While every man’s battle is not
an all-inclusive, comprehensive guide to overcoming sexual temptation, it is
motivating and provides much useful guidance.

The authors

Stephen Arterburn is the founder
and chairman of New Life Clinics and host of the popular New Life Live national radio program. He has authored more than 40
books and won three Gold Medallion awards. He has degrees from Baylor
University and the University of North Texas.

Fred Stoeker is the founder and
chairman of Living True Ministries. He graduated from Stanford University with
honors.