Zack: His costume combined with his powers like "master of all forms of Martial Arts" and "Champion can never die" lead me to believe he was designed by a child.

Steve: Oh, yeah, I can totally see that. Artist having a bad bring your kid to work day and he's like, "Dylan, if you could read a comic about any hero you wanted what would it be?"

Zack: "Well he'd be the ultimate champion of all time and he'd know every martial art and he couldn't die."

Steve: "And he'd have like triple the normal muscles of everybody and he'd be bald but also have big pink hair and he'd wear orange pants and no wiener and a giant belt and he'd be able to read minds and teleport."

Zack: We'll need to investigate whether Champion has a car that can turn into a submarine and a jet.

About This Column

Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.