If you’re like me and lack an opinion either way on Marmite, it seems to be a big issue for some people.

When I confessed to my lack of conviction either way in the office, I was told twice ‘that’s not allowed’.

One person that asked if it was okay to be indifferent to Marmite was met with responses like: ‘Pervert’, ‘there is simply no punishment that is sufficient’ and ‘it’s times like this that I wish this country had the death penalty’.

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Strong.

But there is a quiet revolution happening. One person messaged me privately to tell me they were also indifferent, saying ‘glad I’m not the only one!’

It’s the same reaction I get when I tell people I’ve never seen Star Wars. People are genuinely aggrieved by both social faux pas.

I like Marmite, but I don’t buy it all the time. When I do eat it, I don’t lather it onto my toast – it’s just a thin layer that mixes nicely with the butter.

It’s the same with Twiglets – they’re just cardboard sticks with flavour. I’ll eat them if they’re on a buffet, but then I’ll wash it down with a nice bit of cheese.

So perhaps this row between Tesco and Unilever is a signal. This is our moment. This is our Bandung moment!

Stand up and be counted! Be bullied by the Marmite lovers and haters no more! Join with me in saying, ‘My name is Richard and I’m vehemently non-committal in my opinions over a gloopy yeasty spread with a clever marketing campaign’.