Sarah and I chatted for a while on satruday. Wasn't fun for a while... pretty much the first thng she said was that she didn't know if she loved me anymore. great start. i don't know. i *think* we're cool, but i just don't know. she has so many doubts about this, about us, about me...

And now i'm getting sick of the unified links person. i'm writing this god-damned code for her. it's nearly finished. i have to fight to produce *anything*... i've put in literally hundreds of hours, maybe not a thousand yet, but it must be getting up towards it... 6 or 7 hours a day for atleast a few days a week, that must come out at atleast 25 hours a week on average... 4 weeks is a hundred hours.. i've been writing this thing for a few *months* now... that must be about 4 or 5 hundred hours of hell...

and then there's all the shit i take from her.. all the bull that she lays on me... and a lot of that is her own fault... i never asked her to tell the client that we had other projects and that i was really busy. if she'd let the client talk to me directly, i could've explained that i'm going through crappy depression and really fucked up concentration and stuff... i mean, she's a fuckin' *counsellor*.. a therapist in other words... she's *trained* in psych... she will know that depression has these effects... she'd understand, i'm sure of it... but *NOooo...* can't be *honest* with the client... must cover up for my being crap.. i think that's how she sees it...

i'm sick of it. i'm sick of her taking me for granted.. she's based her entire business idea around stuff that *i* can do... not that *she* can do, *me*. great business plan... and an even better way to actually *acheive* that plan.... oops, did i forget the <sarc> tags???

So, she's managed to piss me off so far that this code is the last thing i will be doing for her. she can have her laptop back permanently, i don't want it. i don't want the shit that comes with it. A development consultant (yep, that's my supposed job title) who isn't consulted before a development is accepted... yay... *useful*....

So that's what i'm doing now, I'm finishing this code. Not for *her*, not for Unified Links... but because *i'll* look crap if i don't. *I'll* get blamed... she won't have any qualms about blaming little ole me for it...

So i'm now thoroughly sickened off. i've but a *lot* of time energy and self-loathing/reproach/turmoil/etc. into trying to write this poxy piece of code. and i won't even get any gratitude for it... i didn't last time... she moaned like *fuck* about it not being written... which actually didn't take all *that* long... and i don't think she even said "thanks" in passing...

Oh well.. I'll finish it ASAP... but not tonight... it's Jon's birthday and he's having a BBQ, so I'm going to that... gonna eat and hopefully have fun... and not drink much so i can drive home afterwards...