Friday, October 22, 2010

another tool....

okay, i SWORE to myself i'd go slow on poppin'all these tidbits from the book i'm reading.

and well...i REALLY wouldn't pop one up today....EXCEPT that....well....it feels like a darn tool to me!it felt SO helpful.

and i wonder if anyone else will feel this way.and it's only two sentences i want to share..(from the book scarred by struggle, transformed by hope)

"surrender is the moment in which we decide thatit is time to become someone new. surrender is notabout giving up; it's about moving on."

okay.......this rocked my world last nite.

and i'm not sure how to explain it without puttingall these personal details out. which i don't wantto do! (see?? i REALLY can keep SOME stuff private!)

but here's the gist.....

there's been several hurdles in my life that i strugglewith off and on. sometimes i so 'have' it and am okaywith everything. and then sometimes i so don't and i'mlost and sad.

but here's the thing...i don't know if i ever in my boneslooked at the situations as 'i've become someone new.'

now.....this is important....i've SAID THAT out loud.and thought it in my head.but don't think i soaked it down deep into my bones.and these situations bring out who i used to be so easily.

so when those situations come around and tackle me tothe ground, i think they do so when i'm operating as my 'old self' or at least some of my old self.when i don't think of myself as someone different.when i land back in a role or get caught up in someoneelse's perceptions of me.

i'm not sure. haven't had enough time to think it thru.but i am pretty sure. enough to put it out here...

if those situations come around and i know in my bonesthat i am not the same....then i think it would all bedifferent in how i handle it.

okay....i do this to a point.but i think the real struggling is mixed in with all this.

and i'm not sure i ever actually had a real honest to goodnessdeep down 'surrender' moment with this stuff.

i think i've done everything but that.i think i've done the logical in my head stuff.i've tried to hear my heart and honor it.i've tried to act with love.i've fallen apart.i've gotten angry.i've gotten quiet and put up walls.i've opened up and tried not to need anything.i've cried.i've laughed.i got cynical.i got philosophical.

but i don't think i ever honest to pete surrenderedand understood that it's about becoming someone new.

and, i don't know, but it's thundering around insideof me that this matters a whole whole lot.

AND! it's pretty exciting.cause all this other stuff isn't 'all the way.'it's trying. it's attempts.but it's not the real foundation i need to move on.

i'm thinking this is a pretty cool thought.....and i'm rollin' it all around.wanted to share.....

1 comment:

moving on. letting go. giving up the need to keep score and avenge. surrender. because life is always going to happen around us on life's terms. it isn't what happens (or happened) that's important - it's what we do with what happens(ed) - how we respond and react to it. whether we grow bigger or smaller as a result.

as i remind myself:

holding onto resentments against another is no different than me eating rat poison myself and then waiting for the rat to die.

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“to allow the sorrow and weight of life and yet to dance with an easy and open heart. to ache in your darkest depths and yet to laugh from your light filled center. to know the reality of humanity and yet to believe in the magic of the stars. to act with love in the middle of the fear and to hold each moment as the gift that it is. this is the challenge of living.”

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