This
is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the
author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any
resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely
coincidental.

All
rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any
material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or
otherwise without the written permission of the publisher, NineStar
Press, LLC.

It
was like being in a Hollywood remake of The Jetsons,
suspended in air and surrounded by cloudless sky, with interweaving
conveyor belts shifting us farther to the front.

Behind
me a couple of lesbians fidgeted while peering forward, trying to see
where we were going. Below, another mix of curious folk deliberately
moved forward on this mechanical mess of pathways. Above me, the
same.

“Do
you have any idea what’s going on?” asked one of the women behind
me.

While
she could pass for the girl next door, all made up with lips as red
as a 1950s advert model, her checkered dress spoiled the effect with
its huge smoldering burn mark.

“What
happened,” I queried.

Her
partner stuck out what was left of her tongue. It too was charcoal
black with a melted piercing smeared all over it.

“Let’s
just say, never get frisky outside while there’s a thunderstorm.”

She
reached for her skirt and was about to lift it to prove her point. I
clutched her wrist just in time.

“I
get it. Your girlfriend’s stud became the conductor. I don’t need
to see something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.”

Her
eyes widened. “Yourlife? Look at your chest!”

I
released her arm and felt my heart. It was like someone had used too
much starch while ironing my shirt. I examined a rusty brown stain on
the crisp white cotton.

“I’ve
returned, but this time for good,” I muttered.

“Wha
uw ya awing awout?” said the one with the brittle tongue.

“What
did she say?”

“I
think she wants to know what you’re talking about.”

I
stood on tippy-toes to see farther ahead, but all I saw was a long
row of people waiting patiently.

“I’ve
been here before, I think. I’m not sure.” I jumped high on the
spot but still couldn’t see where we were going. “I guess that’s
why I’ve got this frantic ink blot on my chest.”

“Sweet
cheeks, it’s blood.”

“Yes,
I know that.”

“So
what’s your story? How did it get there?”

I
felt it again. Its sandpaper texture began to crumble. “I wish I
knew.” Bending sideways, I tried to steal a glimpse, but it was no
use.

“Well,
it’s not quite how I imagined it. I’m not sure it’s how you saw
it either, Frida.” She held her girlfriend’s hand. “I was
expecting tattooed angels parked on clouds with big black motorcycles
ready to take us to Heaven.”

Frida
nodded.

“What
did you expect, um, what’s your name?”

“Adam.”

“Hi,
I’m Sue.” We shook hands. “And this is Frida.”

“Ice
oo eet yoo.”

“My
pleasure.”

“So,
is this the way you pictured it?”

“No,
I can’t say it is. My partner isn’t here.”

“What’s
his name?”

“Wade.
We’ve been together for nearly nineteen years. Or at least, we
were.”

“I’m
sorry he’s not with you.”

I
felt my bloodstain once more.

“Well,
at least he survived, if what happened to me happened to him, if that
makes sense?” I bit my bottom lip. “Actually I really don’t
know what I’m talking about.”

“Aw
leees ee awive…”

Sue
raised her hand like a cop stopping traffic.

“Don’t
try to speak, darling. It looks like hard work.”

“Yeah,
but I get what Frida’s trying to say. At least Wade’s alive
instead of here.”

“A
silver lining in the cloud.”

“That’s
one way of looking at it.”

Below
me a young chap in a Second World War uniform peeled off his gloves.
His conveyor belt had stopped. An African woman wearing more colors
than a rainbow tried to speak to him, but he seemed too traumatized
to reply. She raised her arms in disappointment and began talking to
the gray-haired woman behind her.

“Leopard
print,” said Sue.

“Huh?”

“Check
out the middle-aged woman in the leopard print, far behind us. Wow!
She’s wearing more jewelry than a 1960s movie star.”

I
looked. “I think she is a 60s movie star. Look at that beehive!”

“Jackie
O she ain’t.”

“And
look at the older woman next to her. A lollipop in a pantsuit.”

“Adam,
how can they be from the 60s?”

“Now
I know I’ve been here before.” I glanced ahead and saw the tip of
a wing obstructed by the others on my conveyor belt. I couldn’t
hold back my smile. “Sue, let me ask you something. What era are
you from?”

“Nineteen
ninety-three. Why? Aren’t you?”

I
pointed to the man in uniform. Sue’s jaw dropped steadily.

“And
what country?”

“Poland.
And you?”

“Australia,
twenty-first century.”

“You
speak Polish well for an Australian.”

“Sue,
I’m not speaking Polish.”

She
shared stunned looks with Frida.

“Wha
iz ee alking avout?”

“Girls,
you’re about to enter a world I’ve been dreaming of returning to
since I was last taken from earth before my time.”

“Maybe
you should try Polish. I have no idea what you mean.”

Frida
rotated her finger by the side of her head; a gesture to make out I
was loony. Sue shrugged before carrying on a private conversation
with her girlfriend about the family they’d left behind.

A
few drops of water splashed on my face. I looked to the moving path
above. A group of teenagers also from the 60s flower-power days stood
shivering, saturated to the core. One long-haired guy, with enough
swirls on his shirt to send you into a trance, saw me.

“Never
do your own plumbing when you’re tripping, man,” he called. “I
flooded the apartment.”

“Why
didn’t you run outside?”

A
naked girl with waist-length long hair clutched onto his arm. “I
thought I was swimming in candy floss,” she replied.

“Candy
floss!” he said. “I thought the sky had fallen and there was no
escape.”

“Weren’t
we in space, floating?” asked another.

I
chuckled before bending sideways to look ahead. I saw half his body.
My guardian angel, Guy. He acknowledged me with a kind grin. I was
eager to jump to the head of the queue. I took a calm breath, stood
up straight, and closed my eyes.

I
already sensed his comforting hugs, letting me know I’d returned to
safety. I could feel his strong wings wrap around me like an extra
layer of armor. Nothing would harm me here in the Afterlife, not with
him by my side.

“Adam’s
here,” said another voice I recognized.

“Yeah,”
Guy replied. “There’s something I need to explain.”

“Mannix?”
I mumbled to myself.

Many
passengers later I was at the front. I stepped off the conveyor belt
onto thin air, and before a word was uttered, both the angel and my
old friend wrapped their arms around me. I clutched them tightly,
never wanting to let go. Huge smiles engulfed us all. Behind me were
bewildered murmurs, as a stray tear from Guy softened my cheek.

“I’ve
missed you,” I said to my angel. I kissed him tenderly on the
forehead. “And I missed you too, Mannix.”

“Welcome
to the Afterlife again,” said Guy.

“Why
am I here?” I whispered. We stepped apart.

“I
think this time you’re actually dead,” Mannix replied.

He
sounded unsure, like a wife telling her tired husband that there
might be a burglar in their house. He was still in his early
thirties, just as he was the last time I was whisked off to the
Afterlife six months earlier.

His
sensual demeanor still warmed me in places I’m too polite to
mention, even though his boyhood looks had faded slightly since we
last met. A man was taking his place. A man wise beyond his years,
wearing older-sexy like a stylish coat.

I
touched the dried blood on my shirt, crumbling it into tiny pieces
that fell away.

“Guy,
I need to know what happened.”

He
turned to Mannix. “I’m releasing you from welcoming duties to
show Adam his new home.”

“Which
is where?” the young man asked.

Guy
pulled out a key from his trouser pocket. “The apartment under
mine.” He had a devilish grin. “Adam’s not the only one who
needs a friend at the moment.”

“So
you and Guy welcome the dead?” I asked.

“Yeah,
but we call them new visitors,” Mannix replied. He sipped his
scotch and Coke. “I’ve just started, but Guy’s been
doing it for ages. He got a promotion when they put in the new
conveyor belts. They needed to upgrade.” He looked around the room
before leaning toward me. “Too many lost souls coming at once.”

I
had showered and changed, and was now sitting with Mannix at a lavish
bar called the Carousel in the Medieval Quarter. Two drunken men in
full armor jousted with plastic toy swords in the corner while a
topless woman with tassels on her perfect breasts attempted to tango
as she ignored their clatter. Some drinkers shared their attention
between the drunks and the playful dancer, pointing and chatting as
if they considered themselves boring by comparison. But to me, they
were just as fascinating.

The
last time I’d visited the Afterlife, I was still alive, because Guy
felt the need to take me away from my earthly dramas. And once again,
the supporting extras still intrigued me in this land of the dead.
After all, this part of the Medieval Quarter was known as the
Carnival of Lost Souls. A fitting description.

“There’s
something bothering me, Mannix.”

“Besides
not knowing how you died.”

“Well,
there’s that, but…”

One
of the armored men collapsed to the ground with a thud. A tall woman
in a lime backless dress stood up and applauded. I clapped briefly
before I realized that no one else was taking her lead. A barman
strolled over to check on him.

“Adam,
you were saying?”

“My
new apartment looks a lot like mine and Wade’s back in Sydney.”

“We
do that. I know it’s unsettling at first, but it helps new arrivals
fit in.”

“But
how did you do it? The couch is the same. My stereo is the same, just
without the television. The kitchen is kind of the same, just in a
lighter color.”

“Adam,
this is the Afterlife. We’re masters of pulling things from thin
air.”

“But
doesn’t it seem odd to you?”

“I’ve
had more time to get used to it.”

“This
whole place, it’s like an ethereal version of Earth. There’s
running water. Electricity. Music collections. Food and alcohol.”
The waiter came to refill my glass of merlot. “But you know what,
Mannix? I’ve never seen a toilet. Come to think of it, I didn’t
need one the last time I was here.” The waiter nodded before going
back to the bar. “And besides that, the only thing that points to
this place being the Afterlife is a bunch of people hanging around
bars in period costume from a hell of a lot of eras. And, of course,
there’s an angel. Take that away and we may as well still be
alive.”

“Maybe
your wine is the blood of Christ?”

“Don’t
go there, Mannix. If it was, I’d be more enlightened.”

An
assortment of bizarre collectibles adorned small shelves on the
walls. Some looked like rejects from a charity shop. Other’s seemed
too precious to be gathering dust. A detailed figurine of a girl
walking her shih tzu sat next to a clay horse’s head, so lifelike
it seemed more a freaky attempt at taxidermy.

Each
table also had an ornament sitting on it. Ours was a vintage doll
with a wonky eye. I picked it up while watching a fiendish man in a
leather jacket striding up to the topless woman.

“Mannix,
is Guy still with that boyfriend of his?”

“You
mean Joshua? What made you think of him?”

I
pointed to the man who was now trying to touch the woman’s tassel.
She took his delinquent hand and slapped it.

“I
see your point, Adam. He reminds me of Joshua too.”

“Yes,
with the same personality it seems.”

As
if written as their cue in a play, Guy and Joshua entered the
Carousel that very moment. Joshua was in his angel disguise, with a
slight emo twist highlighted by black feathered wings. When he was
his demon self, the wings were still black, but resembled those on a
bat. Small horns were also part of his natural look, but when he
slummed it in the Afterlife, he couldn’t get away with being
himself. The only clue to his true form could be found in his
reflection, as I discovered when catching a glimpse of his likeness
in a drinking glass.

They
headed for the bar, Josh gazing at me briefly as if I was the only
witness to a murder he’d committed.

“Mannix,
what does that beautiful angel see in that sarcastic demon? And why
is an angel going out with a demon?”

“Between
you and me, I think it has less to do with romance and more to do
with the fact that Joshua knows where Guy’s parents are.”

“Oh
yes, I forgot about that. Guy never met his folks. Something about
being brought up by a fortune-teller, wasn’t it?”

“Shh.
They’re almost here.”

Guy
plonked a large champagne bottle on our table before Joshua landed
four glasses next to it.

“All
right,” Guy answered. “I’ll take you to see Wade. That’s all
I can do for the moment.”

“Can’t
you also tell me how my shirt got covered in blood?”

“No,
I can’t.” He reached for my hand this time. I put down the
doll and clasped his soft palm. “You have to work out what happened
for yourself, Adam. It will start coming to you. That’s the way
things work here.” He clasped tighter, but somehow I suspected he
didn’t actually know himself. “But I guess if I take you to see
Wade, your healing process will begin.”

“My
healing process! Shouldn’t I know how I died first? Why don’t you
tell me before we see Wade?”

“Now
that you’re here, you need to take one step at a time. Come to
terms with your demise, calmly. If I tell you everything up front,
you might find it too hard to handle.”

I
sighed.

“I
know this is hard to take in, Adam,” Mannix said, “but Guy’s
right. I’ve made the mistake of telling someone too much too soon.
It wasn’t pretty.”

“What
happened?” I asked.

“A
loving parent was poisoned by his kids for the inheritance money.
Years of therapy followed here in the Afterlife.”

“Oh
dear. I wasn’t murdered, was I?”

“Trust
your guardian angel. Let him guide you.”

Guy
stood, and as we were still holding hands, I too was lifted from my
chair.

“Adam,
it’s time to start healing,” he said. “Let’s see Wade.”

Chapter Two

“Can
he see us?” I asked.

“No,
Adam, he can’t see us at all.”

We
were standing in my old bedroom where Wade was checking something in
the wardrobe. I was still holding hands with Guy, and he made sure we
took our champagne glasses with us.

“Can
he hear us?”

“He
has no knowledge of our presence.”

“What’s
that man doing in our bed?”

I
took a huge swig of my drink. This good-looking bearded dude huddled
under the duvet, watching Wade check the closet.

“Seriously,”
Wade said to his companion, “there’s no one here.”

“Check
under the bed,” replied the stranger.

“You’re
joking, aren’t you?”

“No,
it’s just a ritual I need you to go through.”

“This
isn’t part of some kinky fantasy, is it?”

“No,
Wade. I do this every night.”

“For
goodness sake, why?”

“I
don’t want to be attacked if I fall asleep.”

“Jerry,
you’ve just met me for the first time tonight. How do you know I’m
not going to attack you?”

His
one-night stand didn’t answer. He simply quivered under the covers.

“Guy,
what on earth is going on?”

“Wade
is getting sex.”

“Thanks
for pointing out the obvious, but why is he looking for sex? I’ve
just died, for goodness sake!”

My
guardian angel wobbled slightly before letting go of my hand and
steadying himself on my shoulder. Jerry opened the bedside drawer.

“What
are you looking for?” Wade asked.

“A
knife. A gun. An axe.”

“Why
don’t I just get into bed with you so you can stop this silly
nonsense?”

“Guy,
he didn’t? No, not my Wade. I’ve known him for nearly nineteen
years and…” My celestial friend stayed poker-faced. Not even his
eyes, of which the whites resembled mini roadmaps, gave anything
away. “Come to think of it, Wade has a fascination with horror
films.”

“Adam,
stop overthinking. Just watch and learn.”

That
man in our bed leisurely pulled down the duvet. He was unusually
thin. I could’ve picked him up by the neck on laundry day and used
him as a clothes-peg.

“Guy,
do I really need to watch this?”

Wade
moved toward him with the grace of a first-time actor in a porn film.
As Jerry lay back, spreading his legs, I had a mad urge to pull on
his foot and make a wish. My partner climbed on board, nestling his
forehead into Nervous Nelly’s beard.

“I
never realized Wade was into saliva.” Guy shrugged while peering
right into the wet underarm action. “Come to think of it, I never
realized he was into thin bearded men.”

“What
was that?” asked Jerry. His slobbering came to a halt.

“What
was what?” asked Wade.

“That
noise?”

“What
noise?”

“Wade,
go and check downstairs.”

My
old man looked hesitant, but this thing he’d brought home looked at
him with puppy-dog eyes. Wade left the bed and wandered down the
hall. Guy and I followed. He marched around the living room before
trudging to the bathroom, making enough noise for lover boy to hear
from our room. He opened the cupboard and reached for a prescription
box of tablets I’d never seen before. He popped two pills and
quickly followed them with a gulp of tap water from the palm of his
hand.

“Oh,
Adam, why did you leave me like this?”

I
looked over his shoulder and read the packet. Valium. Wade was hooked
on valium!

“Guy,
what’s going on? Why is he taking those pills?”

But
my angel guide gestured toward Wade.

“Why
did our relationship have to end like this?” my beautiful man said.

“Wade,
I love you, but what are you talking about?”

I
knew he couldn’t hear me, but maybe in his thoughts I could get
through. He leaned against the basin, staring blankly.

“You
left me, Adam, long before our time.” A tear trickled. “What am I
saying? Your spirit had left me long before you ever did.”

“Guy,
I need to know what he’s talking about.”

“Adam,
I really can’t tell you. Not yet.”

My
angel’s words were slurred, but his mood was sober.

“Why
can’t you tell me? Wade’s in pain. Did I do something?”

“If
you were still here, Adam,” Wade moaned, “we could talk about
your feelings. Why you went and did the things you did. Now I just
have to live with unfinished business.”

Wade
sighed in a groggy fashion. He didn’t hurry back to the saliva
queen. As I looked to Guy for some kind of relief from seeing my lost
lover in torment, my lost lover buried his head in his hands and
sobbed quietly.

Chapter Three

Later
I was back in the Afterlife, sitting alone in my apartment.
Outside it was autumnal. Trees stood naked as if their spirits had
drifted in search of a friendlier season. Flowers kept to themselves,
too cold to show their glory. I wanted to hibernate with them, within
my walls.

There
wasn’t a chance I could leave this god-awful place and breathe real
air again; to live among the living. I wanted to shower with Wade,
soap his back, dry his body, and kiss away all his pain. I’d then
make love to him as if nothing mattered.

There
was a knock on the door. I didn’t answer. Guy let himself in.

“Wasn’t
my door locked?” I asked.

He
wiggled his wings several times before he looked nauseous. “Oh
dear.” He put his hand to his mouth. “That fluttering wing thing
I was struggling to do was me trying to say that your door was
locked, but I’m an angel. I can pretty much go anywhere.”

“You
look like something the cat dragged in.”

“I
tried to have a nap but tossed and turned instead. I wouldn’t be a
good guardian if I didn’t come back and help you through this.”

“I’m
not sure you’re a good guardian now. Visiting Wade was hard. Why
did you do that to me?”

Guy
rested his palms on his temples and collapsed into an armchair. “I
had to start somewhere, Adam.” His head drooped “I know it was
hard. But no pain, no gain.”

“I
don’t want catchphrases. You’re supposed to be my friend. I mean,
the last time I was here, you really helped. But you’re being all
secretive about how I got here. Why can’t I remember?”

“You’re
not alone. Everyone who comes here doesn’t remember how they died.
It’s too traumatic for them to deal with right away.” He met my
gaze with a soft smile. “If our new arrivals knew every detail of
how they died, then we’d be spending all our time passing out boxes
of tissues.”

“Then
pass me the tissues. I need to know.”

He
leaned toward me, but I crossed my arms in anger.

“Adam,
think about this. If you knew, what would it solve? It’s another
layer of hurt you’d need to push through. But Wade’s missing you.
That’s the hurt you need to deal with before anything else.”

“Then
let me talk to him!”

“I
can’t! You’re dead!” Guy shut his eyes. “I’m sorry, Adam. I
didn’t mean to shout. I go through this every day with our grieving
newcomers. And trust me, they grieve just as much on this side as
they do back on Earth. And if I could take their pain away the moment
they arrived, I would. But what would that achieve? Lost souls in
ignorant bliss, caught in a moment devoid of reality. Even an angel
has his orders. I can only do so much.”

I
sat silent. Somewhere my partner in life was suffering and I’d
abandoned him. For the first time in the better part of two decades,
we were no longer a team. Yet both of us felt each other’s absence
like a deep wound.

“Guy,
I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “Okay, I get it, I’m dead. But
it hurts. I had the perfect life and now I’m here, and from what I
can piece together from the small amount of evidence I’ve gotten, I
died through no fault of my own.”

“Yes,
Adam, that’s right. But don’t make that your starting point.”

I
tilted my head back, wanting to scream.

“No,
hear me out. You heard Wade’s grief asking why you did the things
you did. Your memory will gradually return, and I’m here to help
you deal with it.”

I
stared at him like an emotionless zombie.

“I
love you, Adam. I chose to be your guardian angel because you’re a
gentle soul. And here and now, I need that gentle soul to be my
friend.”

He
offered his hand. I shook it begrudgingly.

“Can
I do anything for Wade while I’m here?”

Guy
stood, releasing my grip. “I’ll be right back.”

He
tottered out my door like a personal assistant about to search for an
important file. When he returned, he had a joint in one hand and a
lighter in the other.

“No,
that’s not what I need right now.”

“It’ll
dull the pain.”

I
considered it before shaking my head. He laid the gifts on the coffee
table. I stared at them, slightly tempted.

“Go
on,” said another voice. Joshua had entered the room. “It’s
been rolled from a plant in my secret garden. Trust me, one puff and
it will be like a kaleidoscope of all your favorite television shows
back on Earth.”

“Why
are you being nice to me, demon?”

His
bat wings raised him an inch from the ground and landed him next to
my chair.

“And
why are you here?”

“I
asked him here to help me cheer you up,” Guy answered.

“But
you were only gone for a minute.”

“I
was invited about an hour ago,” Joshua replied. “I made myself
comfortable upstairs waiting for Guy to get back.”

“Look,
I appreciate you both being here, I guess. No, let’s get real here.
I appreciate Guy being here, but as for you, Josh, I’m not sure.”

“Darling,
I can be a great help too. I’ve seen it all, done it all, and been
responsible for it all…” His finger rested on his chin. “Oh who
am I kidding? I’m here for the weed.”

“Joshua!”
his boyfriend cried.

“Okay,
I’m here for Adam as well. He’s the most entertaining human I’ve
met. He can amuse me for hours, even when he doesn’t know I’m
watching.”

“Look,
I don’t care if you smoke weed,” I said. “But please, not here
and now. Go back to Guy’s place.”

“He
doesn’t want us, lover. He wants to wallow in his own tears rather
than dance to our tune.”

“I’m
sorry, Adam,” Guy said. “We’ll leave you in peace.”

As
they reached the door, something inside made me call out to them.

“Oh,
what is it now?” the demon asked.

“Um,
I don’t really want to be alone.”

Guy
rushed to my side.

“And
if it means I have to have both of you here, then I’ll man up and
deal with it.”

“Adam’s
more confused than a mood ring on a manic-depressive.”

“Joshua,
let’s change the subject,” said Guy.

“Good
idea,” I replied. “Sit down, both of you. But please, save the
weed till later. I just want to talk about something other than
Wade.”

“Are
you sure?” Guy asked.

“Yeah.
If I smoke now, I might get paranoid and freak out over what
happened.”

Joshua
casually made his way to the two-seater. Guy joined him.

“Let’s
talk about…” I looked out the window.

In
the distance, a woman tossed a ball to her toddler. He clapped his
hands and jumped in the air, ignoring the ball. A small girl dressed
in a cape, as if walking to grandma’s with a basket of goods,
stopped, picked up the ball, and gave it back to the mother.

“Adam,
we haven’t got all day,” Joshua said.

“Let’s
talk about Guy’s parents. I remember that you said you never met
your parents and that you, Joshua, know where they are.”

“Got
it in one, Earth Boy.”

“So
where are they?”

The
demon pursed his lips.

“He
won’t tell me,” Guy replied.

“It’s
complicated,” said Joshua.

“Ah,
so I’m not the only one subjected to secrets.”

Guy’s
fluttered his wings thrice.

“Okay,
if I remember correctly, an aunt raised you.”

“Auntie
Jemima. A woman in love with life, although I didn’t give her
enough credit at the time.”

“How
come?”

Joshua
laid a hand on Guy’s knee.

“I
think that when you’re separated from your parents, and you know
it, it makes you feel less special. After all, you need your parents
to teach you to fly. Give you your independence. Make you feel free.”

“She
didn’t teach you?”

“She
couldn’t. You see, she wasn’t my real auntie. Just someone who
raised me after I was abandoned long before I could remember.”

“I
still don’t get why she didn’t teach you to fly.”

“She
wasn’t an angel. I was almost a teenager when I realized she
physically couldn’t be related to me.”

“But
you would have worked that out long before your teenage years.”

He
placed his hand on Joshua’s.

“That’s
the thing. As a kid, I sort of knew but didn’t want to know.”

“How
awful.”

“More
awkward than awful. Especially in my teenage years. You know what
they’re like. Every emotion is amplified.” He exchanged glances
with his lover. “I eventually used Aunt Jem’s lack of wings as a
reason to be rebellious.”

I
stared outside again, pondering why Guy had parents. Didn’t God
simply create angels? Clouds were parting in the sky, adding
light to the street scene. The toddler was jumping around even more
now, as if a sugar hit had taken hold.

“Wasn’t
there someone around to teach you to fly?” I asked.

Guy
moved his hand away from Joshua’s.

“I
tried to teach him to fly when we were teenagers,” the demon said.
“I had more faith in him than he had in himself.”

“Nice
one, Josh. Civil conversation with me. You should do this more
often.”

He
poked his tongue out.

“I
wish I’d shared your faith in me at the time,” Guy confessed. “I
took out my low self-esteem on my Aunt Jem. Keeping my distance from
her. Hardly eating. She tried her best to cheer me up, but I felt way
too sorry for myself. I was a flightless loser.”

“Well,
you almost flew when we were teenagers,” Joshua avowed.

“Does
that mean you still can’t fly?” I asked.

“Oh
I can fly,” he said. “Many years later, I befriended someone who
popped into the Afterlife for the short term. He made it his
unofficial mission to teach me.” He lowered his head.

“So
where are Guy’s parents, Josh?”

The
demon looked at the ceiling. “I can’t say.”

“Oh
come on, Joshy. At the Carousel you said you were waiting for me to
get here to support our friend’s quest for his parents. I can’t
believe you’re keeping something like that from him. And for this
long!”

“Trust
me. I can’t tell you yet.”

“Your
boyfriend was drunk when I got here. Now he’s hungover, but he
still brought over a joint. This is not the Guy I remember. What have
you done to him?”

“I’m
a good boyfriend.”

“Really,
Josh? Really? What does a demon know about fragility?”

The
spineless lover stood. “I’m a better friend to him than you’ll
ever be.”

My
guardian angel also stood. “Joshua!” he screeched. “You are
addressing Adam, my friend. You were waiting until he got here to go
fetch my parents. Now you’re changing the rules.”

“I
am not changing the rules, dear boyfriend.” Joshua’s tone was
measured. “But some things need to wait. That’s what you
tell the newly dead all the time.”

“Yes,
and the newly dead have enough to deal with, without your sarcastic
tone added to their real life dramas!” Guy’s booming voice made
my apartment shake. “But in the end, I guess a leopard can’t
change his spots.”

“And
what’s that supposed to mean, you alcoholic do-gooder?”

“Maybe
both of you should stop,” I said. “Before things start being
thrown.”

“Oh
please. This troop of halfwits you have to help out are only here
because they’re the unstable lot. The failures. The duds.” He
pointed at me. “And if you can’t see these losers are what’s
keeping you on their level, then maybe I made a big mistake.”

“Josh,
watch where you point,” I mumbled. “I don’t want to be turned
into anything slimy.”

“You
are so fried half the time that you hit out at the people who
actually care.”

I
shuddered at his vicious voice.

“Can
you blame me? You know where my parents are and you won’t tell me!
Of course I’m a wreck. And I’ve got the dispossessed to deal on
top of your secrecy.”

I
picked up the joint from the coffee table. “Ah, that’s
what we need,” I said. “Mother’s little helper. Who wants to
light it?”

“And
your precious dispossessed are your life, Guy. Not me. Not my needs.
Not my love.” The demon turned toward my front door like an aging
actress about to make a dignified exit. “And for some misguided
reason, I thought we were right for each other.” He walked out,
never looking back.

“I’m
so sorry,” I said.

Guy
wiped the corner of his eye, then snatched the joint from my hand. As
it hit his lips, it sparked with a crimson flame.

“I
never got to have sex with him,” he suddenly blurted while half
smiling, as smoke blew in my direction.

Chapter Four

Guy
spun like a whirling dervish in slow motion to a dance beat in
the background, while his wings flailed like a mad woman arguing with
the world. Soon he was bouncing on the spot, summoning the ghost of a
witch doctor casting an evil spell on his ex-lover. And all through
this crazed dance was a little boy “so close” at finding his lost
youth.

I
too was dazed and stoned, staring out the window, searching for
answers that I knew weren’t there. The emotionless trees whispered
in the night air. They were in control of this landscape as there was
no one in sight. Humans had been painted out of the picture,
insignificant to a backdrop that existed only for my angel and me.

“Do
you like this track, Adam?”

“Well,
it’s keeping us upbeat. Isn’t that why you put it on?”

“I’m
in disco paradise! Come dance with me.”

“Guy,
don’t get me wrong. I like it. It’s just a little, um…” He
stopped his one-man show. “It’s just a little camp. Last time I
was here, you played sixties psychedelia. Hey, we’re off our faces.
That’s what we should be listening to.”

I
rummaged through the record collection. A colorful assortment of
snazzy artwork eased past my fingertips. Seventies divas with
attitude posed next to frizzy-haired backup singers. Silver balls and
neon lights ignited dancers in loose toffee-toned clothing. Two young
men in safari suits stood next to a woman wearing ferns. They were in
the wrong hunting party.

But
then I was welcomed by sophisticated funksters in mod attire. I had
found the acid jazz section.

“Let
me get our groove on.” I pulled the vinyl from its sleeve. “Here
we go. Jamiroquai. It’s music to keep coming back to.”

Guy
extended his waving fingers, as if trying to hypnotize me. I peered
into his sneaky eyes and grinned. Soon his ass found its swing and
his body followed. I boogied up to him, matching his rhythm.

“Why
do you get stoned so often?” I shouted over the music.

“So
I feel like I’m in a Baz Luhrmann film.”

“But
why the escape?”

“Angels
need to find themselves as much as mortals.”

“Wow.
So this is your escape?”

“Confidence
is a hard won mistress.”

“But
Guy, you can’t crumble. You’re my rock.”

He
grabbed my wrist and swung me around. The ambient light sparked my
creativity. I looked to him as my own playboy millionaire. His
crystal-blue eyes and imaginary dark suit made me melt, as they had
done for so many other bachelor hopefuls. But now I was his, and his
alone. His private jet had been chartered just so he could visit my
ordinary life. His butler had treated us to French champagne. I put
down my glass as I sprung back into his arms, but he quickly threw me
to the wind.

My
apartment disappeared to make way for an army of tango dancers. Their
mass of frenzied feet drowned the music. Rat-a-tat-tat! One man with
a blond curl caught my eye as he spun past with his partner. I swayed
until my lover whisked me back, twirling like a goddess in flamenco
heels.

He
was warm. Hot, in fact. His wings engulfed me. A historic building in
a rosy hue shimmered behind him. Errant heels echoed down the
streets. I swooned as his face turned into the latte-skinned man I
had left in the mortal world.

I
jolted out of his arms.

“What’s
the matter, Adam?”

My
apartment returned in a flash.

“You
were Wade.” I turned down the stereo and collapsed onto the lounge.
“Oh, Guy. I’m missing him.”

Guy
sat next to me. “Look at us,” he said. “We’re two tragic
romantics.”

“But
your man is still in this world. Mine is a lifetime away.”

“Adam,
I can’t go back to Joshua.”

My
jaw dropped.

“No,
hear me out. We’ve had no sex because he says he wants to wait. And
he’s been playing with my mind about my parents. I can’t take
anymore.”

“He’s
a demon, Guy. Was it a good choice to begin with? Even if he does
know where your parents are, can you trust him?”

“I
know he knows something that he’s keeping from me. He waited for
you to get here to give me support.”

“But
what if I died when I was older and not in my forties? You’d have a
long wait.”

“I
would have brought you to this point in time.”

“Oh
yeah. There are advantages to being an angel.”

There
was a loud clanking sound coming from outside. A horde of medieval
soldiers marched down the street. Behind them, a small blonde girl
frolicked in a tutu and a necklace of flowers, as if she was
declaring the arrival of spring.

“I
swear this place gets nuttier every time I visit,” I said.

“One
of them is Tyson from the apartment next to mine. It’s the night of
the Harlequin Dance at the Carnival of Lost Souls.”

“Of
course it is. And they’re off to fight a metal dragon that shoots
aluminum foil from its nostrils. And that little girl is really a
femme fatale in disguise who just needs something to wrap her
husband’s body in so it won’t go off in the fridge while she’s
waiting for a quiet night so no witnesses see her dispose of him in
the muddy creek frequented by the neighborhood’s teenage lovers. It
all makes perfect sense. This whole place is the theater of the
absurd!”

“You’re
missing Wade, aren’t you?”

I
nodded. “And I’m starting to feel something went terribly wrong
in our final days. Well, besides the fact that I had blood on my
shirt. My mood since I’ve been here has been a deep shade of
melancholy, although I’ve tried to hide it.”

“What
do you think happened?”

“You’re
not going to tell me, are you, Guy?”

A
second team of armored men made their way past our building. They
were followed by a shirtless dude with a chest as hard as iron. His
gold turban and loose pants were in need of a flying carpet. I shook
my head in amusement.

I
closed my eyes. “I know the feelings but can’t see a vision.
There is a man, I’m sure. He’s giving me a sense of
understanding. But is it Wade who’s making me feel settled, or the
man?”

“Maybe
they both do in their own way?”

I
peered at Guy through one eye. “Guy, how did Joshua make you feel?”

“Why
are you changing the subject?”

“Curiosity.”

His
wings fluttered briefly. “At first, annoyed. We were like two alien
beings from different planets. But then he became gentler in his
approach.”

I
snickered, not meaning to.

“Yes
I know he’s blunt, but you don’t see him like I do.”

“Guy,
come on. Mr. Charming he ain’t.”

He
raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry.
It’s your story. I’ll shut up.”

“As
I was saying, there is something sexy about him. And beneath that
façade of sarcastic wit, there’s a sensitive soul.” He turned to
me, grinning, but soon lost his smile. “Seriously, Adam, he is
sensitive.”

“I
didn’t say he wasn’t.”

“I
know. But it’s that look you just had on your face.”

“What
look?”

“Like
a parent listening to their son telling them he’s got a crush on
his teacher.”

My
jaw dropped.

“Adam,
I know you better than you think.”

“Guy,
light that joint again. You might not like what I’m about to say.”

Chapter Five

I
chickened out in expressing my opinion to Guy. Well, at least
for the moment. I encouraged him to take me to the Harlequin Dance
instead.

Three
tall jokers frolicked with their faces painted white. A club symbol,
usually found on a deck of cards, decorated one of the men’s
cheeks. Another man had a spade while the last had a heart.

A
woman, sporting a snug bodysuit with black and yellow stripes, buzzed
around us, wiggling her stinging tail. A man with camp spirit
straddled her lethal tip, laughing as if he’d just heard a clever
joke.

Somewhere
a piano accordion played. Elsewhere a mandolin was stroked. A
whirling blaze of rainbow hues and fragrances weaved by me and
through me. I shook my tush as Guy moved his wings as part of his own
inspired dance.

“I
wasn’t this stoned when we left your place,” I said.

“Adam,
this is called being high on life.”

“But
I’m dead.”

“But
your soul is living!”

The
armored men also joined in rhythm, clanking at the same time. Their
clumsy attire made them stumble. Their rusted headwear screeched as
they opened their visors to drink glasses of ale. And all the while,
women avoided their boyhood bond.

Yet
somehow, their friendly jeers made them safe in their own company.
Their manhood was merely an expression borrowed for the night. But in
the morning their testosterone would be locked up again in safety
deposit boxes until next year.

“Guy,
I’m not dressed for this. Everyone’s in costume.”

A
little boy whisked past in a red go-cart, startling me. I wrapped my
arms around my angel for comfort. His wings were gone.

“Do
you like our outfits, Adam?”

Diamond
shapes in cobalt and pale blue covered my arms. As I shook my head, I
felt the droopy extensions of my hat bounce. I was a harlequin.

“My
dear guardian, even you should know there’s nothing lonelier than a
relationship that isn’t working.”

Behind
him the fog drifted apart like a theater curtain. A small anime girl
was in its place. Her vocals became one with the harp.

“Joshua
can be kind, Adam.”

“Really?
Is it when he’s sleeping?”

Guy
smiled with affection. “He kisses in a way that keeps me warm.”

“Anyone
can kiss you that way. But is that enough of a reason to be a nervous
pot-smoking drunk?”

He
giggled before melding his lips with mine. This messenger of love
didn’t use his tongue. He didn’t need to. Inside I felt like a
superhero. Untouchable. Open to those in need.

His
slender fingers tickled the back of my shaven skull, as my hands
leisurely explored his well-formed back. We were dreamers heading
down a road of miscalculated adventures.

But
then he rubbed his nose against mine, arousing parts of me that an
angel shouldn’t toy with. My mouth tingled for more of this divine
addiction as that Japanese song whispered in my ear.

Why
am I flirting with my guardian angel? Am I missing Wade? Am I stoned
or just making the best of being dead?

Guy
moaned softly. His voice in harmony with the Asian girl. But the harp
begged for attention through its mystical sighs, until the female
voice screeched. Our embrace was murdered by manga.

“Why
did you stop?” my harlequin man asked.

“I’ll
explain shortly,” I replied. I looked around. No mist. No anime
girl. No harp. “But I have a point to make, first.”

He
stood serenely. His eyes fixated on mine.

“And
what is that point, Adam?”

“Was
it as good for you as it was for me?”

He
smirked.

“That
proves my point. Anyone can kiss you and make you feel the way Joshua
does. But how does he make you feel the rest of the time?”

“Confused.
Stroppy. Annoyed. But on the other hand, kind of special.”

“And
that can sound like real love. Maybe it is. But, Guy, you have to
sort out the confused, stroppy, and annoyed. Otherwise you’ll
become a lesser version of yourself.” I held his hand. “Now, when
does he make you feel these bad emotions?”

“Sometimes
he says things that make me feel invisible.”

“Like
what?”

He
looked to the ground. “Joshua snuck into my bed the other night. I
stirred, trying not to become fully awake, but he kissed me on the
cheek. I lurched at him, tasting his mouth. Soon we were at it,
kissing. The sheets were thrown from the bed. Pillows scattered. You
get the picture.”

“That
doesn’t sound like you’re invisible.”

“But
then he stopped. No explanation. No sex. He gave short answers when I
questioned him.”

“What
did you ask?”

“I
asked why he stopped. He said he wasn’t up to it. I checked him
downstairs. He was up for it.” My wicked guardian grinned. “I
asked why we couldn’t take it further. He said he was tired. I
jumped on him, wanting to ride him. But he was snoring.” Guy’s
alluring eyes shared their sorrow. “I stayed awake for ages, just
lying next to him.”

“How
can someone that looks like he invented original sin be so frigid? I
mean, whether he’s disguised as an angel or slumming it as a demon,
he’s hot!”

“Maybe
it’s me? Maybe he’s not that into me?”

“Then
why stay with him, Guy?”

“Because
he knows where my parents are.”

“So
keep him as a friend. He’s keeping your motor running but isn’t
ready to take you for a drive. Pop him in the garage and find someone
better.”

“Perhaps,
Adam, I’ve just found someone better.”

“Me?”

He
nodded.

“Guy,
you believe in the love Wade and I share, more than anyone I know. So
why did you make a move on me?”

“You
didn’t resist.”

“That’s
not what I asked.”

“Perhaps
I gave in to mortal tendencies.”

“Then
can I please have my angel back. He makes more sense than us stupid
humans.”

We
stood as ourselves out of costume amongst the mayhem.

“So,
Adam, what made you break our embrace?”

“That
singer’s voice reminded me of an ear-piercing scream.” I rubbed
my chin. “Do you know the voice I mean? She was a little Japanese
lass here a moment ago.”

“The
soundtrack to our kiss. Yes, I heard it.” He pointed to her in the
distance.

I
had to raise myself on tippy-toes to see her. She was with a tall man
who stroked a harp like a tai chi instructor waving tranquility out
from thin air. The girl herself sat on the ground, flapping exotic
fans as she sang to a small crowd of children.

“As
I said, her voice reminded me of a scream. I know I heard one just
before I died. I’m sure of it. I remember being with someone I
love, but it’s not Wade. So tell me, Guy. Who was I with the night
I died?”

Chapter Six

I
did something I wasn’t supposed to do. I visited Wade
without my angel guide. Somehow he looked older. About three years
older.

A
young dark-haired man was let into our home by my gentle widower. He
couldn’t have been more than twenty-five, but his rebellious jacket
and torn jeans looked like he was about to cruise some back room.

“You
said your name was James?” Wade asked.

“That’s
close enough,” the young man replied.

“And
the cost is two hundred dollars?”

“Yes,
paid up front.”

My
husband had hired a rent boy. What a strange thing to do. So out of
character for the man I’d spent eighteen years with. I’m dead for
a moment and he’s calling up the candy shop! He led this plaything
to our bedroom.

“I’ve
never done this sort of thing before,” my old man admitted.

“Neither
have I.”

“Seriously?”

“No,
I mean I do this all the time. For money, I mean. Not that I don’t
do it for no money. But while I’m at work, I do it for money.”

“James,
you’re a newbie.”

“Well,
it’s not like I haven’t had sex before.”

“Yeah,
but I could’ve picked someone from an internet singles site if I
wanted just anyone. Today I was going to treat myself.”

“Please
don’t send me back to the agency. I’m really good at it.”

“At
what in particular?”

“At
anything you want, big boy.”

Wade
screeched with laughter. So did I. Fortunately no one here could hear
me.

“Sir!”
James shouted. “I’m ready and willing. At your service one
hundred percent.”

Wade
laughed louder.

“Mr.
James, you’re selling yourself too hard.”

“I
always believe that I should give my all.”

“Looking
at you, sweetheart, half of what you’ve got on offer is enough for
my two hundred dollars.”

“What
is it you’d actually like me to do for you, Peter?”

Peter?
My Wade had a fake name for this occasion? If he had to have a
pseudonym, surely he could have come up with something better than
Peter. Trojan, perhaps? Conrad or Miles. But Peter?

“James,
I think I need a spit and polish.”

Oh
please! He might have given himself a lame name, but his dialogue was
straight out of forgotten VHS porn. Long live Jeff Stryker.

James
undid Wade’s belt before leisurely unbuttoning his fly. I should
have picked my visiting hours more carefully. Maybe when Wade was
brushing his teeth or at work. I would have preferred a killer
hangover to watching the man of my life “getting it on” with
someone earning money to pay his university fees.

“Yes.”
James drooled. He lingered on the middle vowel for added effect.

No.
I watched him slobber over his lips. I left the vulgar scene and made
my way to the lounge room.

A
bit shabby. New furniture was scattered here and there, but none
of it matched our old lounge suite. My favorite framed movie poster,
which usually hung above the armchair, was replaced by some abstract
monstrosity.

There
was, however, a few Modern Living periodicals in a pile on the
characterless coffee table. Featured on the cover of the magazine
sitting on top was a kitchen to die for, if that was at all possible
in my current circumstance. Dark red cupboard doors with knotted wood
benchtops. Divine! I crouched to take a closer look, only to notice
the mysterious date. This edition was published a year and a half
after I’d died!

From
the bedroom, Wade sounded like a soprano aiming for a note he
couldn’t reach. I snuck back to have a look. I knew every
expression on his face. Bliss. Delight. Ecstasy. He was moving on
with his life without me.