10. RESEARCH SAY PORN MAKE MAN SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE! BUT DRUNK HULK WORRY ABOUT SUPPORTING GAY MARRIAGE TOO MANY TIME IN ONE DAY!

[When I’ve done this joke on stage, it’s more like this: “Research showed that men who masturbate to porn are more likely to support gay marriage. I don’t understand the science behind this. I just know that I’ve been supporting gay marriage since I was 12 years old. I sometimes supported gay marriage 3, maybe 4 time a day.”]

9. WOMAN EATEN BY LION WHILE HAVING SEX! THIS WHY IT SO IMPORTANT TO HAVE SAFEWORD!

[Like most Drunk Hulk tweets, this is a reaction to a real story. I love this one in particular because it feels like something I’d see in The Far Side cartoon.]

8. CZECH/CHECHEN IS YOUR/YOU’RE OF GEOGRAPHY!

[Remember when everyone was getting those two countries confused? Man, that was weird, right?]

7. ARTICLE ABOUT HOOKER WHO HAVE SEX FOR CHEESEBURGER! THIS STORY COMBINE TWO OF DRUNK HULK FAVORITE THING! CHEESE! AND BURGER!

[I’m very proud of this one and part of me thinks I shouldn’t be.]

6. PUTIN! WIFEOUT!

[This is from when Putin divorced his wife. One of those jokes where I was the only one who enjoyed it. Come on! That’s some clever stuff right there…or maybe not.]

5. MAN ARRESTED AFTER TRYING TO TRADE SALAD FOR BLOWJOB FROM UNDERCOVER COP! GREAT! NOW BEING VEGETARIAN IS A CRIME!

[I apparently like way too many jokes involving sex, masturbation and blowjobs.]

4. 5.5 TONS OF NUTELLA STOLEN IN GERMANY! SOMETIME IT FEEL LIKE DRUNK HULK NOT LIVING UP TO FULL POTENTIAL!

[This is a real news story too. I imagine the criminals sitting on a beach somewhere, morbidly overweight, eating buckets of Nutella, saying, “We did it. We were finally able to retire.”]

[I loved Drunk Hulk’s pick-up lines and I wish I did more of them (the book puts all of his pick-up lines together in one chapter for easy reference – try them out at your favorite bar tonight!), I love this one because it’s sweet. Drunk Hulk is such a softie.]