Don’t blink in surprise or wonder when you see and smell marijuana everywhere.

Don’t blink in surprise or wonder when you see and smell marijuana everywhere.

Photo: JOSHUA TRUJILLO, SEATTLEPI.COM

Don’t blink in surprise or wonder when you see and smell... Photo-5881316.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Pretend you can tell where your salmon came from … or that you really care.

Pretend you can tell where your salmon came from … or that you really care.

Photo: Marje Cannon, Getty Images

Pretend you can tell where your salmon came from … or that you... Photo-5881317.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Say you love the viaduct and wish it could be fixed instead of torn down, especially since the waterfront will soon be filled with condos for rich people.

Say you love the viaduct and wish it could be fixed instead of torn down, especially since the waterfront will soon be filled with condos for rich people.

Photo: Stephen Brashear, Getty Images

Say you love the viaduct and wish it could be fixed instead of torn... Photo-5881318.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Bitch about the rain and clouds, and then go on and on about how, if you don’t get a few days of sun soon, you’re going to lose your mind (which will all be true soon enough). Also, figure out what this statue belongs to and its name! less

Bitch about the rain and clouds, and then go on and on about how, if you don’t get a few days of sun soon, you’re going to lose your mind (which will all be true soon enough). Also, figure out what this ... more

Photo: Robert Sumner, Getty Images

Bitch about the rain and clouds, and then go on and on about how,... Photo-5881319.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Pretend you love dive bars and know the name of at least one in your neighborhood, but don’t worry about actually going to it.

Pretend you love dive bars and know the name of at least one in your neighborhood, but don’t worry about actually going to it.

Pretend you love dive bars and know the name of at least one in... Photo-5881320.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Make sure you don’t screw up the recycling at a house party! It seems too simple, but, yeah, it all goes in the same can, but food and some food containers go into the compost.

Make sure you don’t screw up the recycling at a house party! It seems too simple, but, yeah, it all goes in the same can, but food and some food containers go into the compost.

Photo: Jetta Productions, Getty Images

Make sure you don’t screw up the recycling at a house party! It... Photo-5881321.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Act as if standing sardine-like in some bar bobbing your head but unable otherwise to move is the best music experience ever.

Act as if standing sardine-like in some bar bobbing your head but unable otherwise to move is the best music experience ever.

Photo: Mat Hayward, Getty Images

Act as if standing sardine-like in some bar bobbing your head but... Photo-5881322.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Buy several used plaid shirts so it looks like you’ve had them for ages … and some Seahawks gear because …

Buy several used plaid shirts so it looks like you’ve had them for ages … and some Seahawks gear because …

Photo: Amanda Edwards, WireImage

Buy several used plaid shirts so it looks like you’ve had them... Photo-5881323.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Act like the Seahawks’ winning the Super Bowl has changed your life, just like when the SuperSonics (they were our NBA basketball team) won it all in 1979.

Act like the Seahawks’ winning the Super Bowl has changed your life, just like when the SuperSonics (they were our NBA basketball team) won it all in 1979.

When people say “snow,” you say, “But, Seattle has a lot of... Photo-5881335.79955 - seattlepi.com

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You don’t say “light rail.” You take the “Sounder” or “the train to the airport.”

You don’t say “light rail.” You take the “Sounder” or “the train to the airport.”

Photo: JORDAN STEAD, SEATTLEPI.COM

You don’t say “light rail.” You take the “Sounder” or... Photo-5881336.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Tell people you’d like to bike, but the city is just too dangerous, although it is getting better. Then say “Dead Baby.”

Tell people you’d like to bike, but the city is just too dangerous, although it is getting better. Then say “Dead Baby.”

Photo: JOSHUA TRUJILLO/, SEATTLEPI.COM

Tell people you’d like to bike, but the city is just too... Photo-5881337.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Speaking of bikes, act like you're just dying to get naked and ride one in a parade.

Speaking of bikes, act like you're just dying to get naked and ride one in a parade.

Photo: LINDSEY WASSON, Seattlepi.com

Speaking of bikes, act like you're just dying to get naked... Photo-5881338.79955 - seattlepi.com

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For heaven’s sake, don’t talk to anyone on the bus.

For heaven’s sake, don’t talk to anyone on the bus.

Photo: Mint Images - David Schultz, Getty Images/Mint Images RF

For heaven’s sake, don’t talk to anyone on the bus. Photo-5881339.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Pretend you are truly worried about the next great earthquake, because you’ve known since childhood that it will liquify most of the ground under Seattle and dump the city in the water … You also know what a “megathrust” is and as a bonus you can throw in “lahar.” less

Pretend you are truly worried about the next great earthquake, because you’ve known since childhood that it will liquify most of the ground under Seattle and dump the city in the water … You also know what ... more

Pretend you are truly worried about the next great earthquake,... Photo-5881340.79955 - seattlepi.com

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You hate that Ballard and Fremont are being overrun with condos and mega-apartment buildings (… though you live in one or want to because that’s the only way you can afford to live in those neighborhoods).

You hate that Ballard and Fremont are being overrun with condos and mega-apartment buildings (… though you live in one or want to because that’s the only way you can afford to live in those neighborhoods).

You hate that Ballard and Fremont are being overrun with condos and... Photo-5881341.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Say we have an amazing library and then scoff at the EMP, though you probably haven’t been to either one.

Say we have an amazing library and then scoff at the EMP, though you probably haven’t been to either one.

Photo: Cavan Images, Getty Images

Say we have an amazing library and then scoff at the EMP, though... Photo-5881342.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Criticize Microsoft…

Criticize Microsoft…

Photo: Oli Scarff, Seattlepi.com

Criticize Microsoft… Photo-5881343.79955 - seattlepi.com

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… but worship Amazon.

… but worship Amazon.

Photo: Spencer Platt, Getty Images

… but worship Amazon. Photo-5881344.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Bad-mouth Bill Gates …

Bad-mouth Bill Gates …

Photo: The Associated Press

Bad-mouth Bill Gates … Photo-5881345.79955 - seattlepi.com

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… but defend Jeff Bezos.

… but defend Jeff Bezos.

Photo: Andrea James, Seattlepi.com

… but defend Jeff Bezos. Photo-5881346.79955 - seattlepi.com

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Act like you work for a startup or will or have a startup idea ... when you're just happy with that 8-5 gig and a private life.

Act like you work for a startup or will or have a startup idea ... when you're just happy with that 8-5 gig and a private life.

Photo: Paul Bradbury, Getty Images/OJO Images RF

Act like you work for a startup or will or have a startup idea ...... Photo-5881347.79955 - seattlepi.com