Become the Mom You Want to Be

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Becoming the mom you want to be is not necessarily an easy task. I talk about this in detail in my book, Becoming the Confident Mom You’ve Always Wanted to Be, our desires are constantly changing, our ideas of what it means to be a great mom also evolve through different seasons.

It’s pretty self-defeating to try to be a perfect mom, so that’s not what this article is about. Let’s just pop that bubble now – there are no perfect moms! I loved reading Jill Savage’s book, No More Perfect Moms – Learn to Love Your Real Life – She writes so clearly and has such great tips on changing your perspective. {Want to win a copy? Read on…..}

Sometimes we just need slow down, re-evaluate our season of mothering and it often means aiming for more contentment and satisfaction in your mothering efforts. Not huge changes, but just some tweaks.

In order to become the mom you want to be, it helps to stop and take stock of just what you’re doing and where you want to be. Here are some tips that may help.

Do What You Need to Do

Many of us moms feel like we can’t put the kids in front of the TV or DVD player – not even once. {Um, not trying to start a big controversy here, but sometimes mama, you gotta do what you gotta do!} It is true and experts are in agreement that daily TV viewing for hours on end is not a good habit, there’s no shame in letting them watch something so you can save your sanity (or read a book!). Sometimes you just need a few minutes, and then you’re a better mom after a little recovery time. Taking a break, allowing them some time on their own and you as well can refresh everyone just that little bit to get through the rest of the day. If you can incorporate an afternoon rest or quiet time for everyone, even better!

Exercise When and How You Can

Even if you can’t put in an hour in the gym (and many busy moms can’t!), don’t give up exercising altogether. Just because you can’t go all out and run marathons doesn’t mean you can’t give yourself some much-needed exercise (and the resulting energy boost). Do what you can do – walk with the baby in a stroller; take your child on a hike; run races; dance to music indoors. The point is to move every day for a period of time!

Stop the Guilt

Ah, guilt – moms are so prone to it that it’s almost a stereotype. To make things worse, guilt makes a circle – if you feel guilty about something, then you feel guilty for feeling guilty! And guilt can wear you out, physically and mentally. It zaps your energy, I know…..much of my energy has been sucked out of me by carrying guilt around all day. So remind yourself that you are doing the best you can; no mom is perfect. If you snap at your kids or “lose it” occasionally, an apology works wonders (once everyone has cooled off).

Don’t Live in Another’s Shadow

This is a tough one. If you had a fantastic mom or have a friend that is a fabulous mom, you may feel pressure to be just like she was or is. You may find yourself unable to measure up. If you had a lousy mom (or worse, an abusive one), then you may carry the fear of being like her and try to “rise above” your upbringing.

If you need to see a counselor or therapist about this, do so – it’s that important. It’s a good idea to “own” your mothering efforts and recognize that you are an individual. Your household won’t look like your mom’s household, whether that’s good or bad. And you shouldn’t expect it to. The same is said for your friend down the street or that ‘seemingly’ remarkable PTA mom you see at school.

Hear What Your Kids Are Saying

Really hearing your kids – listening effectively – is a key component to being the mom you want to be. Sometimes, that means biting your tongue and listening rather than immediately offering to solve the problem. Other times it means you need to be proactive and solve the problem. Most importantly, listening shows your kids that you do care and are there for them.

Remember, you will make mistakes, you will be discouraged, you will be worn out – but all this will pass too. Draw on your strengths, pull up your boot straps and keep on trucking – it is all worth it!

If you would like to win a copy of “No More Perfect Moms” by Jill Savage, please leave a comment to the question below. I will pick a winner Sunday, March 24th – entry closes at 6 PM Pacific time!

I need a change too! I like what I have read so far. It is so easy to compare ourselves to every other mother who seems to have it all together. I have 2 boys, ages 15 and 8 and a wonderful husband. I want to be a better mother and wife. I would really like to get my household in shape and bless them with my dedication to doing my best. I would like to win the book! Thanks,Laura

Melissa

Does Jill’s book touch at all on discipline? That’s an area I need to focus on!

Anne

Yes! I have been trying to focus on being my own person and doing what is best for OUR family, but the pressure to be the “perfect” mom is still there. This book sounds great!

Denise

Yes, I need to change my habits when it comes to health. Your thoughts on exercising, hit home. Thank you!

Ronda

I definitely need to change some things in my life and keep praying that with God’s help I’m becoming a different person each day. I’d love to see the book!

Shauna W

Yes, I am in need of change in order to become the mom I want to be.

Renee

Wow! This was great to receive in my inbox!! I have been on a “guilt” trip lately. I am a Mom of a 6 year old, 3 year old and 7 month old. I work full-time, take full-time college courses (online thankfully!) just moved to a new house that we are currently remodeling (it is an old farm house in need of updates). That being said, I’m not looking for an “atta-girl” – all of this is because I’ve chosen to do it or take on the projects, but knowntheless, it’s stressful! I feel beyond guilty when it comes to being that “perfect” Mom I strive so hard to be. The laundry is piled skyhigh (ok well not that high, but close), dinners are quick throw togethers, and I haven’t even touched the massive pile of boxes in the basement needing to be unpacked. That being said, I need a change! A change- emotionally, mentally and physically and it sounds like this book would be just the thing to jump start that change, with the RIGHT mindset.

Erika Svard

I could use a change! I’d love to stop comparing myself to other moms! Thanks for the chance to win!

http://www.theconfidentmom.com Susan

Not so much, you will want to find another book to help with that – have you read ScreamFree Parenting or Love and Logic?

lily old

Yes, there is always room for improvement when it comes to my guilt meter I still feel bad when i have to say no to anyone because i heed to have times with my family. I think it’s because I’m with the kids all day, but there’s not a lot of quality time, just taking care of needs. I have a 3 year old with CP and a 13 month old daughter. Working on the balance of the day without getting overwhelmed by the many tasks is the hardest challenge I feel in my life, then you try to add anything else and it gets stressful pretty quickly. Just want to learn to let go of the many to do list and just live in my motherhood.

Pamela Koop

Yep, in need of a change and much grace with a newborn and 2 year old pushing the bounds!

Maria

Definitely in need of change! Desperately need better routines and more consistency!

Amy

Oh, I so need a change! I have not been entirely happy with myself lately and know that I am capable of so much more as a mother and a person!

Barb

After 21 years and 3 kids, yes–I am always in need of a change. And my family is always in need of my willingness to change when necessary.

Lauren

Yes! I am in the guilt cycle for sure. Sounds like a great read.

Brittany

I needed this today (and everyday)! I am eaten up with guilt every day and I say exhausted. I never feel like a good enough wife or mother. The only people who get the best of me are my co-workers and that is not fair to my family.

Grace

As a new mom, I’ve been living another’s shadow and in my case, many shadows wanting to be like one mom in this way and another mom in that way. I’ve been so frustrated wondering whether I really cut for motherhood! This sounds like a great read to help me with motherhood! NB, is the offer open outside US?

Megan

Yes! I need a change! I’m constantly on the guilt cycle, as I’m a full time working mom who longs to be at home with my 2 year old! However, we’re working on getting out of debt so that I can stay at home next year to be with my daughter and continue to grow our family! I just have the hardest time juggling everything and can get very overwhelmed!

Sarah

Yes, I need a change! I am really bad at the mom-guilt thing. I have two children two and under and work full time. Since my daughter was born it feels like I have just been working so hard just to keep my head above water I haven’t really had a chance to enjoy my children or being a mom. I really need to make that more of a priority, my children will be grown before I know it and if I’m not careful I will miss it!

Sarah

Yes, I am definitely in need of a change! I have a big problem with the mom guilt thing. I have a two year old and a one year old and work full time. Since my daughter was born, it feels as though I spend so much time just trying to keep my head above water that I don’t have time to just enjoy my kids. I really need to let go of the guilt, and just soak in being a mom. My kids will be grown up before I know it, and if I’m not careful I will miss it! That would be the biggest regret of my life.

http://www.theconfidentmom.com Susan

You are good enough – I hate the guilt cycle that tries to steal our confidence! I would be happy to send the book international!

Dalyn

I would love a change! My kiddo is all i think about it seems. Now that i have him, i pretty much even ignore my own desires, which has to stop. At 8+ months pregnant, there is definitely a change coming. I Just need to work my hardest on balance and organization (much easier said than done).

Morgan

Yes I’m in need of a change! As a working mom of 2 year old twin daughters I’m constantly feeling like I’m not doing it right and guilty for having to work. I struggle constantly trying to find the balance between work, house work and spending time with them.

Tammy

I am in need of a change….need to simplify my home and my schedule and find more time for important things like connections with the ones I love and creativity…..

Crystal

I really need to read this book. I am always trying to be the perfect mom but I can’t live up to my own exceptions.

Rebecca

Oh definitely! Better at sticking to my schedule so I’m not so rushed and have time to be patient with my girls…

Shonda

I am in definite need of a change. I am the mom who wants to be perfect, but can never get there. I need help!

Darcey

Yes, definitely in need of a change. Need to find ways to calm our house down and deal with all the emotions. Very busy chaotic household. Would like it to be more calm. With 2 boys, a toddler, (another daughter), and a mother-in-law with dementia we could use all the suggestions we can get.

Sherry

Oh the guilt thing! I’m always blaming myself for something not going right. The should’ve, could’ve, would’ve thing kicks in and I beat myself up over it. I could use any encouragment for this.

http://babyrowe.blogspot.com Sabrina

I love books that share practical & real advice, especially for moms. I can definitely use the parts about stopping the guilt.

Karen

Would love to win a copy – failing that, it’s on my to-buy list.

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