~ The Real and True Adventures of Remarriage at Life's Midpoint

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Since starting this blog in August of 2011, I’ve received quite a few questions from people—friends and family, mostly—about how this whole “midlife-second-wife-blog-thing” works. Some have never read a blog before; others just aren’t sure if this site is for them. I’ve been keeping a running list of their questions, and it’s occurred to me that if people I know are asking these things, then people like you, who might have stumbled onto the site by accident, or bumped into it when you were looking for—oh, I don’t know, a site about midwifery—just might be curious, too. If you think of a question that’s not addressed here, please send it to me at marci.keyword@gmail.com. I’ll try to come up with a useful answer. And I might even add your question to the list! Thanks for reading!

Q. I’m a hip, cool, young, single person in my twenties; I’m nowhere near midlife and I’m not in a relationship. Even if I wanted to read your blog, would I find anything in it for me?
A. Yes! Er, I mean, totally, dude. Anyone—young, old, midlife or in-between-wives—ought to be able to find some kernel of wisdom, truth, or insight in the blog that speaks to them. What about your own situation? Maybe you have a single parent who is thinking about starting a relationship. Maybe what you read here might help them. Maybe what you read here might help you, so you can, you know, sort of walk around in their shoes a bit. If not, there are always the recipes. And remember: You might not be a mid-lifer now, but someday you will be. That is, if you don’t go out clubbing every night.

Q. I’m 47-years-old. Does that mean I’m in midlife?
A. Yes, dear. I’m afraid that you are. Add 47 and 47. If you live to be 94, the total of those two numbers, you’re smack dab in the middle of midlife. Come aboard and try to avoid the actuary skulking in the corner.

Q. I’m in my seventies! I’m too old to read your blog, aren’t I?
A. No ma’am. Please see my answer to the first question, the one from the young whippersnapper. It is my sincere hope that everyone, regardless of their age, sexual orientation, station in life, or marital status, will find something here that is useful, interesting, and even makes them smile. If not, there are always the recipes.

Q. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog! I know it is targeted to the female audience, but I can still love it…right?
A. (Blushing.) Yes. You can still love it, even if you’re a guy. Several men subscribe to the blog, and many more have liked it on Facebook. In the final analysis, we’re all people who engage with other people on a regular basis. Sometimes we marry these other people; sometimes we don’t. Men as well as women have health concerns, worries about finances, challenging relationships, and so on. Come on along. I think you’ll be happy here.

Q. I’ve been thinking about subscribing, but I’m not sure I want to give out my e-mail address to a website. If I do sign up, am I going to start receiving e-mail from the AARP or something?

A. This is a great question! I was concerned about this, too, so I actually checked with the fine folks at WordPress. Here’s the answer I received:WordPress.com does not share any email addresses. We have a very strict privacy policy, and do not share any user information unless required to by a court of law.It is standard policy for WordPress to alert me each time someone subscribes to my blog, and they do send me the e-mail address that goes with the subscription. I use that information to send the subscriber a little thank-you note. Unless I know you personally, that is the only time I will ever use your e-mail address. And under no circumstances will I ever share your email address with anyone else. If you start receiving mail from AARP, it won’t be because of me. (Somehow they know when you’re about to turn 50. I’ve always wondered how…. I’ll have to write about that sometime.)

Q. Does it cost anything to subscribe to your blog?A. Nope.

Q. What’s the difference between subscribing to a blog and following a blog?There is no difference; they mean the same thing, which is basically this: You’ve liked what you’ve read enough to want to receive an e-mail alerting you every time I’ve published a new post.

Q. How do I subscribe to your blog?A. If you go to the main page—the one that has all of the posts, one after the other—you’ll see something at the upper-left of the page that says: “Don’t miss a single word—sign up! It’s free!” Beneath that you’ll see a field where you can enter your e-mail address. Do that, hit enter or your return key, and then check your e-mail. You should see a message asking you to click a link to activate your subscription. Once you’ve completed this step, you’ll begin receiving e-mail from The Midlife Second Wife every time there’s a new post.

Q. I am unable to post any comment on your blog … perhaps there is something that I have not completed when I registered?A. Hmmmm….if you are subscribed to the blog—and you’ll know that you are if you are receiving e-mails from The Midlife Second Wife—then you should also be able to comment on the postings. Let’s try this:

Go to the article where you’d like to post a comment. Note that you have to be on the article page, and not just on the home page. To get to the article page, just click on the headline; when you scroll down you’ll see the full article and a place for comments.

Type your comment in the box. (I suggest typing it out first in a Word doc
so you’ll have a copy to refer to in case this doesn’t work.)

You have to include your email in the box where it says “Email required.”

You have to include your name in the box where it says “Name required.”

That should do it. WordPress should be able to recognize you as a subscriber from your information.

You should also be able to check boxes that will notify you of follow-up comments via e-mail. If you think others might chime in on what you have to say and you’d like to follow the thread, check the appropriate box.

Finally, click on the oblong oval button where it says “Post Comment.”

That should do it. Oh, one more thing. If the comment that you want to post is negative, mean, or snarky, please disregard these instructions. And have a nice day!

Q. What is this thing I’ve read about here—something about “The Midlife Second Wives Club” and a charter membership?A. Glad you asked! I wanted a way to honor the people who have been so supportive of The Midlife Second Wife, the ones who made a commitment (to use a marital metaphor) by subscribing to the blog from the very start. TMSW is not quite two months old as I write this, and at this very moment there are 43 subscribers. I have, therefore, decided that the first 110 people to subscribe to (or follow) the blog will be charter members of something I’m devising called The Midlife Second Wives’ Club. The number isn’t arbitrary; 110 is the combined age of John and me when we got married.

Q. Well, what does being a charter member mean? Do I get a gold card?
A. That’s a terrific idea! I’ll have to consider that. What being a charter member means is that should the day ever come when I’ll be able to offer merchandise for sale on the site—coffee mugs, say, or t-shirts—then those first 110 members will receive discounts. If really good things happen to The Midlife Second Wife, then I’ll find some way to reward the first 110 members.

Q. Okay. What if I subscribe and I’m the 111th member. Does that mean I’m nothing to you?
A. Oh dear, this is starting to sound like a relationship on the rocks. Please don’t worry. I will do my best to come up with some sort of creative, tiered-membership system so that everyone who subscribes to the blog will feel the love. It won’t mean that I’ll love the 111th member less than the 110th, but again—and I hope you’ll understand—there’s gotta be something special about being among the first to make the commitment to this enterprise. (Tell me. Did we ever date?)

Q. If I’ve liked the blog on Facebook, or if I’m following The Midlife Second Wife on Twitter, does that count toward charter membership?
A. Hmmmm…I’m going to have to go with no on this one, only because it’s so much easier to communicate with everybody when they’re all in the same room, you know? I’m grateful for the Twitter followers and the Facebook likers—and I don’t want you to leave!—but I think that, just for the sake of convenience, following the blog is key to membership. If I have to go wrangling everybody up to let them know that there’s going to be a book-signing or a film premiere by using 137 different forms of social media, I’ll never get any writing done.

Q. Book deal? Film premiere?I write, therefore I dream. And anyway, stranger things have happened. Look, if Simon & Schuster—Simon & Schuster!—can publish a novel by Snooki Polizzi, why not a book by TMSW? Hmmm? And how many pairs of false eyelashes is she wearing on that cover photo, anyway?

Q. What is the correct abbreviation for The Midlife Second Wife?A. The correct abbreviation for The Midlife Second Wife is TMSW, not MLSW, as some people have written. Midlife is one word, not two.

Q. What made you decide to start writing a blog? What made you decide to start writing this blog?
A. Ahhhhh….an excellent question. And one that deserves a considered answer. Tell you what: I’ll devote a post to this one, okay? And once it’s up on the blog, I’ll revise this page to provide a link so that everyone can find the answer right here. Sound good?
A. Again. A promise is a promise. It is Friday, October 28, 2011, and today I have dedicated a post to this question. You can find it by linking right here.

Q. You’re awfully pretty. Could I write to you or could we maybe meet for coffee?
A. Did you not read the title of this blog? Listen—I am a very married lady. (Oh. Excuse me. You say you thought you were writing to the midwife who has a blog?)

Q. I’ve actually been married more than twice. Is there any point to my reading your blog?
A. Please see the answers to the questions at the top of this page. And while we’re on the subject, do allow me to state for the record that The Midlife Second Wife, although technically referring to a woman who is either the second wife of a man who might have been married once before or who has herself married twice, but not necessarily to a man who has been previously married, does not refer to polygamy, as in “Please let me introduce you to my first wife, Lydia. And over here is my second wife, Pam. This is Judy, my third wife. And here comes Nora! Nora is about to do me the honor of becoming my fourth wife. All together we’ve got 17 children!”

Q. Honey, I’m home. How long before we eat?
A. Not long, dear. I’m just finishing up. There, I’m done.