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The way it works in my head for a recipe like BBQ sauce or ketchup is like this:
1-2 dates is just enough to mellow the harshness of the vinegar and/or temper a spice like cayenne so the sauce is tasty but not dominated by one flavor component (like the vinegar)
1/3 cup dates or more is straight up making something sweet

Also, dude, that list of "worst diets" was a list of "worst diets for weight loss". Absolutely nowhere is Whole30 advertised as a weight loss plan. In fact, it's regularly mentioned that it's not. Lots of people do lose weight on a Whole30 because by giving the body better quality food and not a free pass to snack (lots of those "weight loss plans" basically have you eating little bits of food constantly), folks lose some weight.
Blood sugar spikes can cause headaches. What causes blood sugar spikes? Sugary foods, whether it's a Snickers or a Larabar.
Most folks don't know how to listen to their bodies without some guidance. I had no idea that legumes were what made me feel like death warmed up until I did a Whole30 with the proper reintroductions. I wouldn't have had a framework to figure out what was making me feel bad if it wasn't for the Whole30.

My typical post-workout on Whole30 is like one chicken tender and a wedge of sweet potato because I'd be eating either lunch or dinner shortly thereafter, but I need to get the post-workout fuel in. Try seriously shrinking the portions post-workout.

I think that may be a little over-simplified in this particular case. A lot of vinegars will list the sulfites in the ingredients, but it's bracketed or in parenthesis, but those are naturally occurring. That's allowed. In the case of vinegars, just because the label says "Contains Sulfites" doesn't automatically exclude it. We would need a pic of the ingredients or an exact transcription of the ingredients in a post here to make a determination on a particular bottle. Here are some examples:
Compliant:
Balsamic vinegar of Modena (contains sulfites).
Red Wine Vinegar, Grape Must. Contains Naturally Occurring Sulfites.
Non-Compliant:
Burgundy wine vinegar dilute with water to 5% acidity, sulphur dioxide

Hard boiled eggs can be *so* tough to eat. I like eggs and there are some days when there is nothing in the world that could convince me to eat a hard boiled egg.
The egg drizzled into soup (like egg drop soup from the Chinese restaurant) might go down easier.
How about cold meats? Chicken that was grilled or roasted the night before and you can eat it right out of the fridge? Then it doesn't have that "cooking meat" smell. Even if it's just a bite or two at first. Then maybe a couple days later it'll be 4 bites, then 5, etc.

I think, for me, a large part of the problem is that the blogger is clearly advertising this bake as a complete breakfast for when you have a craving for something sweet at breakfast. Which, for Whole30, is totally not the way to do it.
I think it'd be an incredible Thanksgiving or fancy dinner side, though, like Shannon said.
Just my 2 cents

OK, here's my opinion. I'm an RN and it might be heresy, but I never recommend Ensure or Boost to anyone. Terrible ingredients.
It's like... "don't even get me started on what I think about Ensure and Boost... grrrrrr..."
Extra protein is good for wound healing. How about some compliant jerky? Here's one: https://www.amazon.com/Chomps-Grass-Sticks-Whole30-Variety/dp/B0108MQVAM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503691015&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=whole30+jerky&psc=1&smid=AR8XJJ19SNPNX
Each stick has 9 grams of protein. 2 sticks and your'e already at 18 grams.
Or, you could just eat one beef patty extra each day. 4oz has about 25G of protein, plus all the other benefits of real food.

The health benefits of kombucha (when fermented to just that negligible alcohol content in "normal" kombucha) outweigh that negligible alcohol content. When it's further fermented to have a significantly higher alcohol content, then it's more boozy beverage you drink for the sake of getting a buzz than a fermented beverage you drink for the good things it does for your gut.
You can't have freaking vanilla extract because of the alcohol content; I would think any liquid with a higher ABV than most beers would be obviously out.

It's really impossible to give someone a list of brands or flavors of anything since there can be (and are) regional variances in recipes and companies can (and do) change ingredients on a whim without telling anyone except the people who print their packaging.
Basically, you'll have to read every label. You'll likely have an easier time finding "plain" teas without fruits or flavorings that are compliant. But anything with stevia is out; lots of fruit teas have candied fruit and that's out. I had a vanilla caramel tea with "natural flavorings" which is allowable, except that it also had soy.

The health benefits of kombucha (when fermented to just that negligible alcohol content in "normal" kombucha) outweigh that negligible alcohol content. When it's further fermented to have a significantly higher alcohol content, then it's more boozy beverage you drink for the sake of getting a buzz than a fermented beverage you drink for the good things it does for your gut.
You can't have freaking vanilla extract because of the alcohol content; I would think any liquid with a higher ABV than most beers would be obviously out.

I think, for me, a large part of the problem is that the blogger is clearly advertising this bake as a complete breakfast for when you have a craving for something sweet at breakfast. Which, for Whole30, is totally not the way to do it.
I think it'd be an incredible Thanksgiving or fancy dinner side, though, like Shannon said.
Just my 2 cents

This was exactly what I was going to suggest
Or, if you still want to have watermelon available for your kids, start with one of those baby watermelons, portion it out and label one for you, and one each for your kids. You have yours, but going back into the fridge to get more and only met with the portions for your kids might give you enough pause to tell yourself "you already had yours; eating Jimmy's would make me a really not-nice mommy" and walk away (making up kids' names here).
Regarding the nuts, *never* eat directly out of the container. Make portions of nuts to keep in the car...the tiny snack size baggies are perfect for that. Label containers if you have to with "do not eat out of the container" to help you break the habit.

This was exactly what I was going to suggest
Or, if you still want to have watermelon available for your kids, start with one of those baby watermelons, portion it out and label one for you, and one each for your kids. You have yours, but going back into the fridge to get more and only met with the portions for your kids might give you enough pause to tell yourself "you already had yours; eating Jimmy's would make me a really not-nice mommy" and walk away (making up kids' names here).
Regarding the nuts, *never* eat directly out of the container. Make portions of nuts to keep in the car...the tiny snack size baggies are perfect for that. Label containers if you have to with "do not eat out of the container" to help you break the habit.

This was exactly what I was going to suggest
Or, if you still want to have watermelon available for your kids, start with one of those baby watermelons, portion it out and label one for you, and one each for your kids. You have yours, but going back into the fridge to get more and only met with the portions for your kids might give you enough pause to tell yourself "you already had yours; eating Jimmy's would make me a really not-nice mommy" and walk away (making up kids' names here).
Regarding the nuts, *never* eat directly out of the container. Make portions of nuts to keep in the car...the tiny snack size baggies are perfect for that. Label containers if you have to with "do not eat out of the container" to help you break the habit.

It's also easier on the budget. It's a lot less expensive to get good quality eggs (like a dozen for $5 vs $8 for one palm sized portion of salmon). So you can still get some great salmon and enjoy the benefits of the fish while being friendlier to your wallet.

You don't need to eat meat for breakfast if you're happy having eggs. I do a lot of green beans or asparagus for breakfast, quickly sauteed (more like slightly blistered) in a screaming hot pan. I don't know why, but I tend to like my veggies in the morning to be either soup (Mel Joulwan's cauliflower soup is probably my favorite soup in the entire world with her zucchini soup not far behind) or finger-foods. I typically put the soup in a big coffee mug and drink it.

Can you stop at a store somewhere and get some eggs? All of the convenience stores and supermarkets that I go to carry hard boiled eggs. Or you can get regular eggs and scramble them in the microwave (this is assuming you have access to a fridge and a microwave).
A can or two of chicken or tuna could also work...might not be the tastiest meal, but it'll keep you full.

If you have trouble with MSG, yeast extract contains naturally occurring MSG (so it's technically allowed). But if it was a toss up between drinking some bone broth and drinking some of those cubes in water, I'd go with the bone broth since it'll have collagen and minerals that will actually provide a positive benefit. Those cubes just taste like broth, mostly thanks to the MSG.

You might also want to get tested for SIBO- (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth)-exact same symptoms. The test is a breath test that your PCP has to order. You do it at home, send it in to the lab, and then the results will indicate whether you have bacteria in the wrong place.

I mention this because I had the same symptoms, and my PCP suspected either SIBO or exocrine pancreatic insufficiency. The SIBO test was something she could order, but the EPI test was something I had to drive 8 hours away to get. Rather than drive the 8 hours, we started by testing for SIBO, and I was positive for it, so that's what we're treating. But EPI is treated with simple digestive enzymes, and those are also useful for SIBO and other digestive issues, so I take those as well now, on the advice of my PCP.