Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Interview with Kathleen Sullivan (Part Four)

Everything in life is a circle.A pentagram painted on the ground.Circles can rape.Circles can hide.Circles can take you for a long painful ride.- from Circles, by "Gina," age 10

Here's the final part of my interview with Kathleen Sullivan, survivor of cult ritual abuse and mind control. (The first three parts can be read here, here and here.)

I want to thank Kathleen very much for this. The intelligence and integrity she brings to bear upon what should be inconceivable experiences contribute much to our understanding of a difficult, and urgent, subject.

In Unshackled, Kathleen mentions an elder statesman, "master hypnotist" and paedophile she calls "Lucian," who obtained ownership of several of Kathleen's alter-states while she was still a teenager.

Could you tell us something of "Lucian," and the Luciferian beliefs he shared with you?

Lucian is highly regarded within the ranks of the Illuminati, although his popularity with the public has definitely waned in the past several years. He is a former DC-level politician who, due to the circumstances of his birth, cannot become President. For that reason, and because he appears to have an extreme, life-long need to wield power and control everyone and everything around him, he has operated in the background of almost every administration since at least the 1970s. Extremely wealthy, he perversely enjoys entrapping and blackmailing politicians and using the “evidence” of their indiscretions to continue to blackmail them throughout their careers. He especially likes to entrap politicians who claim to be born-again Christians. He told me, more than once, that they are all “hypocrites” and that he is determined to prove that.

He is also not above doing more ugly things to people who get in his way or cause problems for him. The last time I saw him, shortly after Clinton became President, “Lucian” informed me that when “they” have total power over our government (whoever “they” are), he’ll have me back with him as his “pet.”

Concerning the Luciferian beliefs that Lucian taught me: as a person who did not come from a Christian family, Lucian seemed to be primarily interested in the Old Testament. He told me that he and other Luciferians consider Jesus to have been a usurper, in that Jesus stole Lucifer’s rightful position as the true son of God. In a Yin/Yang way, he stated that while Lucifer was thrown down to rule the earth, he has become known as Satan, the evil one, to most people. But Lucian and his associates know him as Lucifer, the light-bearer. This is why they prefer the word, “Illuminati.” The “illumined ones.” He and others like him have grandiose schemes to develop a one-world religion and one-world government that would originally pretend to tolerate Christianity, but would eventually have all Christians either convert to their more global religion, or face ugly consequences. But of course, Lucian – who is a flaming pedophile – is also convinced that they will be able to convince the masses that adult/child sex should be legalized.

Lucian was one of the few members of Illuminati who seemed to truly hate Christians with a passion. I don’t know how that came about.

Like the others he worshipped with, he called the sun, “Ra,” and stated that the sun’s light, when it comes into our bodies, transforms us to be more like that top God. At one location, they had a wall made of round crystals at least the size of golf balls. They believed that they could stand inside that wall and that the sunlight would somehow be concentrated by the crystals and speed their transformation. He stated that he and others like him would transform into Godlike beings that would rule the world and universe. He also mentioned something I still think is extremely odd, because I’ve not heard of it from any other source. He talked about what he called “Saint Peter’s Net.” He stated that as godlike beings, they would form a “net” and capture the energy of others who die and use their spirit-energy to become even more godlike. (In a way, this reminds me of cannibalism and ingestion of blood by some occultists in rituals, to gain the life force of their newly deceased, or dying, victims.)

Some of the Illuminati wives of politicians I was ordered to “worship” with, as a slave, included Greco-Roman religious traditions in their daytime rituals. Forced female-female and adult-child sex was often perpetrated at their rituals. At each of their rituals, at least some of the wives would also have sex with each other. They did not believe in cannibalism or drinking blood. Instead, (this is gross, sorry), they drank semen from the men, after it had been processed somehow to “purify” it. They believed it would also increase their energy. I didn’t.

Lucian, who often gave my father orders, was – like my father – since at least the 50’s, closely aligned with Nazi immigrants who were brought to the US by the OSS/CIA and U.S. Army. Like my father, Lucian was also into Gnosticism, and truly seemed to believe that by physically suffering and depriving himself of certain pleasures (excluding sex with children) he would become more spiritually godlike and elevated. That didn’t seem to keep him and Dad from tormenting and depriving their victims, however. Perhaps they failed to realize that they were also making us spiritually stronger, if their beliefs were true.

Lucian was one of extremely few persons in the Illuminati who talked with me, instead of to me. But he only did this when I was alone with him. All of the others seemed to view me as an object, a bought-and-paid-for slave who was of no importance, other than what I could do for them. So, to make a long answer shorter, I have no memory of any of the others discussing Maitreya with me. I have since learned, however, that Lucian has strong connections to Lucis Trust, and so does Maitreya.

According to Lucian, what's Maitreya's purpose?

First, more background about my experiences with Lucian. I am not claiming that anything that Lucian told me was true. He and the other people who believed they “owned” me did believe, however, that I would never be able to remember what occurred when I was in their presence – including what they said. I had what they referred to as “failsafe” programming. This means that, if all else failed, I was supposed to suicide when the memories started to emerge. Fortunately, I have had a succession of competent therapists who have kept me alive whenever suicide conditioning kicked in. (Usually, when I had to be hospitalized to keep me safe until I worked through the program, I was diagnosed as having “major depression with suicidal ideations.”)

Because I was considered “failsafe,” and because Lucian was a master hypnotist who was proficient in mind control, he seemed quite confident that I would never remember him, let alone talk about what he told me. As a pedophile and abuse survivor (I can’t go into that further), he seemed to have great difficulty socializing comfortably with other males. This may have been one of the reasons why he, unlike most of the other slave-owners, chose to “teach” me, from my teenage years on, what he believed was really going on in the world and in politics, and even in specific politicians’ lives. This included “their” plans for Maitreya.

He basically told me that Lucis Trust is really a springboard for the Illuminati’s eventual creation of a one-world religion. He stated that they were using Maitreya, who Lucian said was a master hypnotist and was already performing documented faked “miracles,” to convince the “masses” that Maitreya was the second coming of Jesus. Lucian and his associates sometimes discussed the possibility of using other smoke-and-mirror techniques, including holographs in the sky, to convince the “cattle” (he had serious disdain for anyone “lower” than himself, socially) that Jesus had returned, and that other parts of the Bible’s Book of Revelations were also occurring.

Lucian said that if “they” were successful, then those among the masses who believe in the rapture would give up everything and just sit and wait for it to occur. He said that those people would be “easy pickings.”

He also said that Maitreya was being mentioned as the possible figurehead for the new one-world religion, which they hoped to center in Rome. Again, these were things he said over a decade ago. I don’t know how much of it, if any, was true – at least to him.

Do you believe all the perpetrators are genuine occultists, or are some "agnostic," and merely using occult symbology to traumatize their victims?

I think that you have to look at each perpetrator on an individual basis.

My father, whose Welsh father was a Druid and proud of it, rebelled against his father for a while by rejecting the Druid rituals and instead looking to the writings of Aleister Crowley and the teachings of Luciferian Nazi immigrant doctors and scientists. Eventually, Dad included a few of Anton LaVey’s teachings, although he didn’t seem too impressed with LaVey. Dad also incorporated some Druid rituals and teachings.

Even though Dad did seem to believe in such teachings, he attended Christian churches regularly – Lutheran, Southern Baptist, and Methodist. He was a singer in the choirs, a lay leader, and a Sunday school teacher. (He preferred teaching youths, go figure.) So, my father was a genuine occultist who used Christianity as his cover. And yet, he was also a methodical and manipulative control addict who became quite adept at using trauma-based mind control on me and other children. And he thoroughly enjoyed using the occult trappings to terrorize and intimidate and torture us. My father basically was the whole package.

(One person who responded to a previous part of this interview fluffed me off because I wrote that when I was a child, my father was a high priest. I need to clarify that I do not give that title any importance. My father was extremely narcissistic and grandiose. He was big into control, and also craved attention. I believe this is why, instead of submitting to another local occult leader, Dad started his own little group in Reading, Pennsylvania. He demanded total obedience from the members. Those who bucked his authority sometimes paid the ultimate price, and were used as “examples” to keep the rest of us “in line.” I learned those lessons very well. In my mind, my father was both God and the worst monster on earth. I have no doubt that there may be thousands of self-identified “high priests” who operate small cults throughout the United States and Canada. Because Satanism has been so thoroughly infiltrated by fake occultists, it’s really not that big of a deal anymore to be called a “high priest”.)

I have met other sadistic perpetrators who clearly did not believe in the occult, and yet were quite adept in using occult teachings and ritual implements, stone altars, etc. to terrorize, control, and torture victims. There is a considerable network of such cell groups operating in and around Cobb County, Georgia. Another large network of cell groups reportedly operates east of Chattanooga under the cover of a specific religious denomination. Like the Aryan network in Cobb County, the Tennessee network does not reportedly take its occult practices seriously. However, the practices are used - in a mafia-like fashion - to intimidate and frighten even outsiders into silence.

I personally have gotten to the point where the occult is no longer a big issue to me. My biggest concern is that groups of sadistic adults are meeting together to terrorize, group rape, torture, and even kill precious children and other humans in the most horrific ways. Some of these groups of psychopathic adults also run lucrative underground businesses that include: manufacturing and selling illegal drugs, buying and selling children, creating and selling illegal pornography (including “kiddy porn”), forcing child slaves to “sexually service” others. (This is known as Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children.)

No child – no human – should ever have to experience one minute of the horrors that many of these victims endure (if they can) day after day, week after week, year after year, with no hope of ever being freed. My many horrific experiences with such groups – both as a child and as a dissociated adult - would make the atrocities at Abu Ghraib pale in comparison.

Since going public, have you been subjected to harassment and threats?

Of course. Here are some examples.

While I was in the early stages of recovery and was still severely dissociated, I freaked out when I left my therapist’s office and stopped at a discount store that I’d never gone to before, and was specifically paged over the intercom – I guess to let me know that I was under surveillance. Of course, when I went to where the message directed me, no one was there. Oftentimes, I would go to the post office to see if there was mail in our box, or I would go to our regular grocery store, and a cult member would be waiting there for me, to give me a verbal “message.” (“If you do ____, we will _____…”)

On one occasion, I went to a library I’d never been to before, to research a corporation that some of the perpetrators were employed by. Soon, a man sat down next to me, insisted on my telling him which company I was researching, and told me – in recognizable coded language – that if I continued that research, I’d be killed.

On another occasion, I entered our Atlanta home via our back deck and found a mini-ball – a relic from the Civil War – lying in front of the door as a message that a specific cult member from Cobb County had stopped by. (He still sells such relics.)

One time, when a self-identified deprogrammer visited our house, a military helicopter nearly landed on our roof. I walked outside, smiled big, waved, and said, “Hi!” as the men inside the copter sat stone-faced, staring at me. Our home was not in an air path, and the copter was VERY close to the top of our two-story roof.

I was also approached by perpetrators in public. Each time, they talked nicely and smiled the whole time as if we were best of friends. Each time, I froze in terror. Some would put their hand on my shoulder, which was enough to put me into a total trance state. They were always very careful to do things that seemed quite benign, so that if I complained to anyone, I would appear to have the problem, not the perpetrators. (I’ve since learned that this is a common technique used to terrorize and intimidate victims of this kind of abuse.)

The worst form of harassment during my earlier stages of recovery was when fairly young children – always a different one, a male or female – would call our home late at night, specifically ask for one of my alter-states by name, and then deliver an adult message to that alter-state in code that that alter-state could understand. The calls always came shortly before a traditional occult ritual night, in which a child would probably be killed as the group's "sacrifice." The children relayed the messages, regardless of who answered the phone. As a result, both my husband and protective teenaged child were quite angry. I repeatedly had to beg them not to fuss at the children – they were just doing what they were told. Each of those messages was spoken by the children in a very flat tone; I still have one of them on tape. Those harassing calls were hardest for me, emotionally, because I was tormented in knowing that those children were still being used by the perpetrators and there was nothing I could do to help them – especially if they were chosen for the next ritual sacrifice.

Another form of harassment and threats in the form of “concerned” individuals who claimed to have helped other survivors, and expressed their desire to help me, too. I would relax my guard after a while and believe they were genuinely concerned. They would influence me to trust them enough to regularly report to them, what was going on in my life. When they got me dependent on them for what to think and believe, and influenced me to rely on them and cut off my regular support system, then they would start giving me orders. The threats and harassment came when I realized they were bad news, and refused to obey or allow them to be a part of my life anymore. One person, who had offered to edit my book for me at no cost, was such a person. A couple who still live in our small community did the same; the wife became my counselor at school and at home; even when she acknowledged that her first husband (now deceased) was a brother of a former head of the NSA, I continued to trust her. It wasn’t until I saw a blank CIA employment application on a laptop a friend of her husband had given her, that I had enough sense to stay the hell away from both of them.

There were others, like Mark Phillips (CIA), who were also sent into my life to drain me financially, again separate me from my support systems, get me totally dependent on them, get into my head to troll for hidden information, get all of my documentation, and then – when they didn’t have any more use for me – dropped me like a hot potato, telling me that everything I told them was fabricated, that I was psychotic. I cannot tell you how dangerous those times were for me. They turned me against everyone who cared about me, leaving me no one to go to after they dumped me. Those were the times I was willingly suicidal. If not for my very patient and forgiving husband, I would not have survived.

The worst thing that was done to me, that I fully remembered starting that very night, was when I was group raped at the Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta in October, 1997 – two days after the end of a conference on mind control. It took the group of spook perps a lot of manipulating to get me into the below-ground room near one of the elevators. It was a horrific couple of hours. Unfortunately, my husband was at home in Chattanooga, and nobody was expecting me for hours. The worst part was that one of my male relatives, who became a mini-Dad from hell, was one of the rapists. He’s still too dangerous and way too connected for me to name. And again, it was one of those situations where after everyone had their jollies with me, and I found myself in a daze, wandering around the concourse, with no awareness that I’d just lost several hours – how in the world could I have proven it was done to me, when I couldn’t even remember? All I knew was that a certain part of my anatomy was burning horribly, and I found that quite odd. Fortunately, I had a therapist at the time who took emergency late-night phone calls. A bunch of alter-states that had come out, or been summoned out, at the airport room, told her – in broken sequence – what had been done to me. When I was raped and my life threatened in the room, I was told that they (a former Directorate of Operations employee and his two goons and my male relative) “had” to “do this to” me because I had named two politicians with CIA ties, in my CKLN radio interview, several weeks earlier. One of the male onlookers in the room also gave me the message that they were “not happy” about a novel, MK, that I had finished in the past month and had shared with several survivors.

Before the airport “reprogramming session” was over, the men – all hard-core spooks - left the room, and an older MKULTRA psychiatrist/programmer entered. Because I’d been thoroughly traumatized, it was easy for him to hypnotically insert two new sets of suicide commands in my mind. In other words, if one set of commands didn’t work, the other should be successful. I believe he did it to keep me from ever being able to talk about him and the terrible things he had done to me, starting when I was a young child.

Later on, when the command sequences started kicking in mentally, I was again fortunate to have help from mental health professionals who understood how to dismantle suicide programming, and obviously survived. Best of all, the old bastard died several years after the assault, reportedly of cancer.

I’m sharing this specific instance with you, even though it is still very difficult for me to write about, to help you to understand that there are levels of intimidation and threats. Usually, when a victim starts to figure things out, the perps will use seemingly innocuous techniques to intimidate us, such as whispering veiled messages in public settings or by sending in (or having us referred to) “concerned” individuals who know how to “help” us. Usually, nothing more than that ever has to be done to us, to keep us silent. But when we keep squawking, they might still pull in the big guns. Since 10/97, more people were sent in on me, one by one. I started noticing certain behavioral patterns among them (sociopaths can only fake it so far), and stopped allowing them into my life. If something odd does occur now, I don’t freak out. Instead, my reaction is, “Oh well, there’s another one. These people need to get a REAL LIFE!”

Since you've been in recovery, have you ever received words of remorse or encouragement from people within the network?

There is one retired military officer (“Poppa” in my book) who I first met with, clandestinely, in 1985. And not by choice – not at first. I didn’t trust anyone, so why should I believe he had become a better person? Over time, he became primarily responsible for helping me to gradually be extracted from the Aryan network, centered in Cobb County, that had local control over me. During our first extensive clandestine meeting in a hidden set of rooms and corridors under an Air Force base, Poppa expressed strong remorse for his earlier actions as a part of the mind-control perp system. His words seemed to be genuine. I also saw a new softness in his face that I’d never seen before. The things he told me, and admitted to me, in that and other meetings, were marvelously healing. He became a new and very positive role model for me, because – in the face of great and dangerous odds – he seems to have put his duty to his country first and has – through his own clandestine network of former military men under his command – helped me and other victims (particularly groups of children) to become free.

Because he knew I was used to memorizing certain phrases and living by them, he told me that in spite of all the technology that has been used to control the minds of victims, his people have discovered a technique that inevitably breaks the programming down, without a need for any “deprogramming” sessions. Again, his face was soft when he told me that their formula, in working with freed victims who were programmed “Delta” assassins, was: “compassion, caring, and kindness.” Whenever I met with Poppa and his people over the next few years, the effect of being in their presence was just as he had predicted: like water pouring through a cave filled with hidden nooks and crannies (symbolizing the most deeply hidden mental programs), their willingness to show me genuine concern and kindness short-circuited many of the mental programs that - herein lies the irony - had originally been installed by sociopathic people who were absolutely incapable of demonstrating certain emotions. Poppa and his people gave me what I had starved for, all my life. They resurrected my shriveled soul. Whereas I had previously drawn myself, all my life, as a tree totally gutted by heart rot, I now drew myself as a tiny seedling – still much to learn, but I was already learning what was most important. Empathy, caring, kindness, compassion. Most important for me is that I have also now developed those parts of my humanity. I no longer have a heart of icy cold stone. I care about others; I give a damn.

Is it perhaps better for the safety of survivors, that most people still refuse to accept that such things could happen?

Although it may be better for the immediate safety of some survivors, ongoing denial of the existence of these crimes causes serious problems for many more survivors. Especially since the False Memory Syndrome Foundation backlash occurred, and FMSF-assisted lawsuits were successfully brought against several mental health professionals, it’s been harder for survivors to find therapists who are willing to help them. Survivors are also more likely, partly due to managed care, to be misdiagnosed as having “bipolar disorder” (the new trend) because it’s cheaper to dope them up to level out their rage and bouts of manic energy generated by old emerging emotions and memories, than to pay for years and years of therapy. It’s a new band-aid approach.

Public denial is also a big problem for survivors who are so disabled – mentally, emotionally, and/or physically - by the horrors they have survived, that they desperately need financial help. Unfortunately, it’s now harder than ever to qualify for U.S. Social Security Disability benefits. If a survivor was never functional enough to hold a job, that survivor cannot qualify for SSD, anyway. In such a situation, the survivor can apply for SSI (Supplemental Security Income). Such benefits, however, pretty much leave such survivors in poverty. As a result, they, and other impoverished survivors who do not even have SSI, do not have sufficient resources to improve their lives and make themselves safer – basic things like deadbolt locks, emergency cell phones and the like. They also will have a harder time obtaining therapeutic mental help.

Another related problem occurs within the U.S. court systems. I have been in contact with several female survivors who married perpetrators who had enough resources – including financial support from other cult members - to gain full custody of the children away from the mothers. Some of the mothers were even advised that if they started telling the judge that the children were being ritually abused, the mothers would be viewed as mentally ill. Those mothers who were already receiving help from mental health professionals were especially vulnerable to being discredited this way. Some of the mothers are in emotional agony nearly every day, frantic in the knowledge that the bizarre behaviors they see in their precious children, when they are “allowed” to visit with them, are probably a direct result of ongoing victimization. AND THERE IS NOTHING THEY CAN DO ABOUT IT.

Several mothers, and at least one father, who tried to protect their children from further abuse by snatching their children and running with them to other countries have been caught by the FBI, brought back to the US, charged with “kidnapping” their own children, and some have been incarcerated. Unfortunately, if the protective parent is put in prison, that parent becomes much less effective in providing strength and emotional support for the child(ren).

Perhaps the most detrimental, long-term effect of the public’s ongoing denial is that children continue to be tortured, group raped, bought and sold, given for sex, and even killed. Even if we do not feel any concern for such children, we still must consider this: if the victims never get out of the underground criminal system, what can we expect from approximately half of them – based on current statistics – when they become adults? What is to stop them from doing unto others, what has been done unto them?

What’s to stop some victims-turned-perpetrators from indiscriminately inflicting their volcanic rage - generated by days or years or even decades of unbearable pain, terror, hopelessness and helplessness - on us or our children? (Remember Timothy McVeigh?) Society may suffer harsh consequences if we continue to self-protectively turn our backs and stop our ears and pretend these victims don’t exist; if we ignore their desperate, often-silent screams and prayers for help that – at least for now - never comes.

take a glass and raise it highto those of us who won'tlay down and diesome of us beaten and abusedby those we lovedothers by our governmentstill we won't laydown and die

1162 Comments:

Anonymous said...

OK, i confess, i only read about the first third before i lost interest (not quite sure why). so maybe i missed the answer, but the question that kept coming up, and which i assume she addresses somewhere, in her book or on her site if not in this interview is:

If all this is true, WHY IS THIS WOMAN STILL ALIVE??

Again, my apologies if that question was addressed in the unread portion of this gargantuan post, but i'd really appreciate if somebody could point me to any answer that may have been given to this obvious question.

Henry came to mind for me as well, but he wasn't exactly a politician -- he didn't run for office. He was a high-level bureaucrat. Others who could possibly fit the role of Lucifer-worshipping, blackmailing, hypnotizing, hypocritical DC politician? Oh my! The mind positively boggles at the endless range of possibilities. . . .

Jeff, I'm impressed to see how much "shorter and less frequent" your posts are becoming! How's the book coming along?

I've been there and I'm still alive, too.How... and in spite of programming to suicide? Good question. I can only say a ferocious tenacity to keep going that could only come from God and a commitment to love/justice/reality whatever from the same source. It's not something I can argue about, merely state.Jim

There are many people telling seemingly incredible things about whom you could ask, "Why are they still alive?" And human? already answered it: so people will ask that question.

Some crimes are so outrageous they become their own cover up, because no one in their "right mind" would believe they could happen. Think of the Franklin Credit Union. There are victims still walking around talking about it, but since it's the word of the elite against marginal figures forced into prostitution and drug addiction as children, who suffered the deliberate creation of multiple personalities - well, who do you think most people and institutions are going to believe? It's only when evidential smoking guns threaten to appear that the body count climbs (ie, investigator Gary Caradori murdered while in possession of incriminating photographs, and perp Craig Spence when he was about to tell all).

Which would be the wisest course of action for the perps: lend legitimacy to the victims' accounts by taking their lives, or let the "poor, sick people" keep telling their "fantasies"?

the deceased shrink may have been J. West. H.K. must be Lucian. they can let her live because the sheeple are so brainwashed that they could never believe that this could be happening in our govt. our phsycopathic society is blinded by it's own insanity. remember, W. is a good christian.H.K. is an elder statesman. i just hope and pray that Jesus shortens these days, SOON.

Kathleen herself said she was doing some research on a corporation that some of these perpetrators belonged to. She doesn't name it.

She alludes to her local cult there in Atlanta. I think there are an awful lot of facts that could be verified by someone.

There was a study done recently that only dealt with recovered memories of sexual abuse, not ritual abuse. They went back and investigated these recovered memories...and what do you know, they found evidence for most of them. They even got some confessions from family members.

So it seems this story could be investigated by someone. I don't think you could prove the stuff about national figures but you could start with the local ones. You could do simple things like verify that there is such an "underground room" in the Atlanta airport.

That said, the story of the "illuminati" and how Lucifer was replaced by Jesus, etc, it all sounds too pat to me, too simplistic. It sounds, once again, like a story that just happens to fit the rightwing conception of how the world works.

And why is she alive? I do think that's a legit question since she obviously continues to have contact with these folks. I have to say I'm reminded of Cathy O'Brian who does name names as her stories get more outrageous (raped by several recent president's, Bush turning into Reptilian alien, etc.). Okay, not only is she alive, but not even a libel suit for allegations of rape?

I feel like I live in a double world sometimes. There's the "normal" world and there's the world from my childhood that haunts my present.

I've been home sick from work for three days. On Friday I went to the ER because my head kept spinning so that I could not walk or stand up. A cat scan showed a deep sinus infection that must have been bothering my ears.

On Monday when I saw my therapist I told her I was being overwhelmed with sexual abuse memories. She worked with a part who had been drugged whenever she was abused so the constant spinning feeling brought about some more memories.

I want to be free. My therapist took a group of her clients on a dolphin retreat two weeks ago. We spent many days with the beautiful healing dolphins. They brought a peace to me that I've never felt. I can swim but I had never used a snorkel before. The rest of the group was doing well but I kept getting water in my mask so I'd surface and do a dog paddle like swim to stay afloat while I cleared my mask. It was exhausting to keep my head above water. I was churning my legs as fast as I could to stay up. I was exhausted by the second day and had not seen much since I was also breathing through my nose fogging the mask up and I had put tons of sunscreen on my face thus burning my eyes constantly.

The next day, my therapist took my to this beautiful beach. (We were near Bimini in the Bahamas.) She showed me how to slowly push my feet back and forth to stay afloat when I cleared my mask. She also taught me to spit in the mask and not to put sunscreen on my forehead so I wouldn't have burning eyes. That day I saw all of the colorful fish and beauty. I wondered if I had spent my whole life dog paddling like crazy and missed all the beauty. Then she showed me that I float in sea water. I was blown away. I just laid back and floated in the surf the rest of the day. I cried off and on the whole day. I didn't know about floating. Life is so easy and peaceful when you float.

I also loved the dolphins. They have a peaceful healing presence about them. I have alwasy been partial to dogs because they were my family growing up not the humans.

We were on a catamaran so I was really close to the water. All of the others went to snorkel with the dolphins at the rear of the boat. I liked to stay and watch them from the front of the boat as they played. Since I still have one part left named Space who is four, he came out to see the dolphins. I had learned Sanskrit singing from some monks a few years ago. Space laid in the nets just feet from the dolphins and sang to them. Space used the same voice inflections that the monks had used. Part of his chorus was the AUM word sung over and over. It was amazing because the dolphins started to all come to him. Some of the others finished swiming and then came up to watch in silence as twenty to thirty dolphins of all ages swam around Space as he sang. Space had also learned energy work when he was created to the "dark side" as a child. In the last few years he still did energy work but it was more like sending prayers of energy and love. He held his hands out over the dolphins and sent them the love he knew how to send. It was a magical experience for Space and for the others who watched.

It was a beautiful trip.

On the very last night of the trip there was an electrical fire on board the boat. Everyone got off and the fire was put out quickly. When the fire first started, I had jumped to the dock with the other ten people on the trip. It was about ten at night and the boat owner had stepped away from the boat at that time. All of a sudden I found myself back on the boat heading toward the fire in the cabin. The cabin cushins and curtains were in flames. I was kind of in a daze. I turned around and jumped back to the dock as some fishermen threw fire extinquishers threw the cabin windows and then put the fire out. I had no idea why I had gotten back on the boat. Then I heard Space tell me in tears that he had gone back on the boat to die. He had the best time of his life and now he wanted to die. He did not want to return to memories. He was tired of the constant battle with the dark side.

* "Lucian" is the alias (code name) of one of the original Bavarian Illuminati: Count Christoph Friedrich Nicolai (1733-1811). Robison (mispells his name Nicholai) calls him the great scoffer of religion. He was the greatest bookseller and publisher of the German enlightenment. In cahoots with Lessing and Mendelssohn he also published philosophical periodicals that "warred against authority and religion." He was probably Weishaupt's own bookdealer and was initiated into the Illuminati because of his notoriety as the chief channel of banned ideas.

* "Lucian" is probably derived from Lucian of Samosata. The Bavarian Illuminati took on new names after initiation (Weishaupt = Spartacus) - always alluding to the classical era.

O Senator of Rome! if true and well You are reckoned honest, in the Vatican, Let it be yours His Holiness to tell, There are many Cardinals, and not one man.

They are made like lobsters, and, when they are dead, Like lobsters change their colors and turn red; And while they are living, with their backward gait Displace and tangle good Saint Peter's net.

If this is at all meaningful, I don't know.

* When "Lucian" said they cast their net to capture the life essence when a victim dies, it reminded me of Don Juan's description of the "inorganic beings" whom he claimed do exactly that, and can even trap an unsuspecting traveler in the astral plane or in lucid dreaming. Don't know why, that's what came to mind from her description of what he said.

* The sex rituals described by her are almost exactly what was recorded as taking place at Frankist rituals in the 18th Century. This strengthens my conviction that the Sabbatean/Frankist occultism is the most predominant. Eyes Wide Shut is probably a reenactement of a grand Frankist ritual (orgy and all).

* The Maitreya/Lucis Trust connection also adds weight to Frankist/Sabbatai Zevi/messiah belief that still pervades; but it has taken on a new form because of the eastern/theosophical influence.

I'm inclined to think this is about 95% bullshit. Are the mundane parts real, or are the fantastic parts real? She seems to be fairly lucid, but lots of crazy people are. I don't think any of the simple answers are correct.

Again, I thank every one of you for your responses and comments to what I have shared with you. No person has the ultimate answers to anything. We'll all be learning, all of our lives. All I ask from each of you is that you be willing to learn and savor the purest truth you can find, and that you keep your hearts open to the survivors. I promise to do the same.

I especially want to write to SW and Space: THANK YOU for surviving. We need you! The world needs you!

Someone mentioned that I'm still in contact with folks from my past. I am not in contact with anyone other than my husband, who is actively working on his own "issues." Although I think of some of the guys like Poppa with great fondness, they have chosen to continue living lives of deception, as is necessary when one is involved in covert activities. Although I was quite tempted to join them at first, I instead chose to work very hard to recover and integrate and know my truest self, as much as I possibly can. To keep contact with them would sabotage my recovery.

More concerns have been expressed about my not being willing to give names. This is true. HOWEVER, I inserted many clues in Unshackled for junior (and senior) detectives and anyone else who has free time and an itch to follow-up on some of the clues.

Finally, I want to add several more thoughts about why I'm still alive.

1)Wannabe assassins would be idiots to come up against me. I'm not violent, but I still fervently believe in survival, and my skills are definitely hardwired due to repetitious training. Those who are aware of my history and training know that. They also know that my husband is equally proficient. We're not the ideal couple to come up against.

2)Having been forced to spend many days and weeks with spooks and pols who prided themselves in their masterpieces of dirty work, I know a lot of their ins and outs. Although their technology may change, their psychopathologies will not.

3) I'm convinced that the greatest source of danger lies in certain people from my past. I know from personal experience that some of them are vicious, totally paranoid, and vengeful. I believe that Cathy O'Brien is alive because she is being used by handlers as a lure and as an unwitting conduit for disinfo. This makes her more of an asset to them, than a liability. I am very concerned about her safety, however, should she ever stop cooperating with the wrong folks.

4) My father is dead. I would not be safe to speak out if he were still alive.

5)Locally, I was run by Aryans whose cell groups were covertly infiltrated by "God and Country" folks who didn't agree with their plans for a violent takeover, circa 2000, in Hitler's honor. Their loss, my gain.

6) I have followed the advice of quite a few advisors - including several private investigators - by putting out enough of my story that if I am offed, or become very ill without good cause, it will only bring more attention to the information I have made available to the public.

7) Finally, I've had a marvelous sense of God's presence since I was a little girl. Maybe it's because I desperately needed the presence of a "good" and loving father. I trust God's purposes for my survival. Rather than obsessing about "when" and "how" I might be harmed or killed, I choose to count every day as a precious gift from God. My faith in His love for me gives me strength and courage to speak out when it seems to be the right thing to do, and the right time to do it. Like now.

Thanks for your reply above, Kathleen. I am glad you mentioned your training and consequent ability to defend yourself. I was trained as a delta and I had occasion very recently to feel the "power" of it if I can use that word. I found it scary later and wondered if I wasn't one of them afterall (though I hasten to add that no-one is dead as a result). So reading that you are aware of that part of you is still there but can still good is a blessing. It's strange how you can see things in others but not in yourself.It's odd reading posters' doubts about it all and yet they are unaware that their expressed doubts are in fact their own answers. The perps understand the general public much better than the public do themselves. I think Jeff and yourself have explained it well.Bit disturbing about Cathy O'Brien although the perps are quite capable of running a scam like that. Have a false "lightning rod" attract all the victims, collect their evidence then the "lightnig rod" says "I was wrong" and everyone is left to hang out to dry with defamation suits to follow.These people are TOTALLY committed to doing everything wrong. There is, indeed, "no rest for the wicked". Their is no freedom for them. They are totally driven. This is the bit that most people just don't understand.If you can think of something awful then you can bet that some of their number are doing it. That's the pathology.

"Instead of welcoming (me), this government put me into prison. History will reveal the truth in the future and the American government and people will realize what an evil thing they did. What will they do then? They will bow down. Again, that is the way of natural subjugation."

I find this story unconvincing. Regarding her father, it seems perfectly plausible. But if she was actually involved with high level military/industrial complex people, she wouldn't be alive here talking about this. I can't see how "Lucian" would pick her to "confide" all that he supposedly has.

Plus, she seems like quite a gifted author. I call disinfo or most likely just book sales.

First time posting, love the blog - and I remember you as Minstral Boy on DU, right? I'm WhoCountsTheVotes - we helped publicize some of this stuff on DU when the Abu Ghraib scandal first broke :)

can anyone explain to me how does the film eyes wide shut work itself into this report. did kubrick have a link with these people?...did he try to worn us...or worse...he was a part of it?i am still very new to all this and i may sound a bit silly. but i don't mean to.please help~!

Kay Griggs, in her interviews describing rampant ritual homosexual abuse in the upper ranks of the military, gives a graphic account of Kissinger's pedophilia. Her main emphasis is that the powers that be SELECT people to perform their "tasks" who are vulnerable to blackmail and coercion.

"Can anyone explain to me how does the film eyes wide shut work itself into this report."

The Konformist has a very goodinterpretation of Eyes Wide Shut by Adam Gorightly.

Here's the first paragraph:

In Stanley Kubrick's final film, Eyes Wide Shut, are numerous veiled allusions to the CIA's MK-ULTRA mind control experiments and Monarch sex slave programming, subjects which readers of The Konformist should be well familiar. According to believed victims of Monarch abuse, their ranks number literally in thousands, and it has been alleged that these very same victims have been used extensively as sex slaves, drug mules and assassins. According to varied sources, Monarch programming begins immediately at birth, and is carried out through the lives of its victims, as they are used by intelligence agencies and secret societies like mere pawns on a gameboard, until--in many instances--they have outlived their usefulness, and are terminally "discarded". While this author does not buy lock, stock and barrel all of the sordid tales associated with Monarch abuse, I nonetheless suspect that it does actually exist in many cases, regardless of all the disinformation that exists in mind control lore obscuring the true reality of the situation. Like all weighty subjects--conspiratorial or otherwise--one must separate the wheat from chaff, which is not an easy proposition, to say the least. According to Per Sewen of Illuminati News, he viewed Eyes Wide Shut with a woman who had been "subjected to Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) by the Illuminati and she found it very, very accurate. None of us had any idea what the movie was about, so it was a shock for both of us, especially as these kinds of movies can be very triggering for victims of SRA. And it was. This girl didn't feel well afterwards..."

That Konformist piece was extremely thought-provoking and has me wondering now how much of Kubrick's work after 1960 has a consistent subtext: Lolita, Dr. Strangelove, 2001, A Clockwork Orange, Barry Lyndon, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket, Eyes Wide Shut.

I've never been a Kubrick fan and haven't seen most of his films, so I can't comment on this myself. But I'd be extremely interested to know if anyone else has written on the matter.

The movie was also reminiscent of [SRA and mind control survivor Arizona Wilder's] ritual experiences. "In one of my journals from 1990, I talk about a ritual where they all have golden masks and hooded robes," she says. "It has to do with the sun god. Thye use these masks in Egyptian-type ceremony rituals. The masks mean "we are not individuals, but we have one purpose in mind."One thing they did is they never unmask."

Wilder also finds a deep significance in the sign for Rennes Street and the name of the pianist whose name Nightingale means messenger from the dark. "The name of the costume shop was representative of getting to the ritual by going 'Over the Rainbow,'" she says.

"The movie was making a statement. We [the Illuminati] are here. What are you going to do about it?" she concludes.

...

Filmmaker Stanley Kubrick was well known for his mystifying movies, his notorious control-freak mentality, and his consistently mechanistic world-view. With his trademark horror-show porno touch, Kubrick's obsession with Illuminati iconography has served his masters well. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) was about evolution and the diddling of mankind from behind-the-scenes. A Clockwork Orange (1971) was the prototype of trauma-based mind control for programming violence. Barry Lyndon (1975) explored the occult politics of the ruling classes in 18th century British society. Lolita (1962) singlehandedly promoted Pedophilia Chic. Full Metal Jacket (1987) was an iconic depiction of the Military S&M Cult, showing the brutality of the Vietnam War preceded by US Marine Brainwashing, i.e. basic training.

But certainly Lolita has its pedophilia angle; Dr. Strangelove presents the upside of nuclear annihilation (lots of young girls for the surviving elite to impregnate); and the first half of Full Metal Jacket has a mind-control subplot.

i appreciate this article so much. i'm an MK survivor and i've often asked myself the same questions that are asked here, "why am i still alive?" and, "can this really be true?" bla bla. these questions are supposed to be asked. "they" count on them being asked. "they" count on how those questions make us feel so we'll shut up about it, or kill ourselves or whatever. the reason we're still alive is because we won't shut up about it and not only that, people are finally waking up to the horrid truth of this matter. some people, at any rate. we know what's safe for us to say or not to say, who to name or not to name. and we can't deviate from that very thin line. it's just not a smart thing to do. i often ask people, who would like to discredit, if they've ever had an experience in their life that was so weird or unbelievable that they just refuse to ever talk about it because noone will believe them... and usually, there is always something. multiply that by about a billion things like that happening on a regular basis and maybe some understanding will occur. maybe not and that is ok... but we can never stop telling people about it or we won't be alive for long. keeping this kind of life a secret only leads to a secret death. esp. when we're breaking out of our programming. as for false memory syndrome, that can easily be shot down by anyone who's actually been there - with real memories. the thing that's helped me the most in my recovery, is to have a real friend. she taught me about love, compassion, patience and etc., by her examples in these things - toward me. and i've learned - and still learn - these things from her. and it really does turn a stone cold heart back into what it was originally intended to be. and then, there's God. some ask, "why would He let this happen?" but i know that He's kept the things that were "too much" from happening and since i made it through and i'm here and i'm sane and i have a great element of happiness and joy in my life, ... that none of it was "too much" He really did keep it away ever since i was a little, or, i either wouldn't be here at all, or i'd be drooling in a corner of a padded room for the rest of my life as some of us are, and so, i'm a stronger and a better person (people) for having gone through those things. and i love Him for that. and furthermore, i love me for that. i admire you kathleen and people like you who get our story out to so many. it validates our own histories and helps us to further heal. i'll be praying for ya.:)SVW

This is nonsense. If they wanted you dead, it wouldn't be difficult to arrange. A tragic accident, suicide; it's happened many times before. Where's the evidence that this whole story isn't a collosal red herring?

She continues to add on and on more reasons of specific suspects from the Govt. This happens alot in pathological lying symptoms. I can't for the life of me why People can't spot this out.

When someone tells the truth, probability and logic can help you determine this victim's story must have happened in her past. But this whole story is shaky from the get go. She probably was abused by a family member but really people will believe what they want to believe.They reinforce it by believing what they want to believe.

I think the problem with extreme mind control Occultist theorists is 90 percent of them dont have any proof and the other problem is they don't know when to stop with the tale. Kathy just kept adding on and on and on. And this is what being Pathological are brilliant at.

One crucial flaw though ...There is no stopping with the layers of the story. Hence, this story seems so deluded by Abuse that she has distorted reality to be able to make this all up so she could have a definite reason why her abuse had to happen. Everything I read from this girl Is a Attention Holic. And no one seems to take her to any task to be like. Just play the probability game in your head...

Of all the people you say are complicit in Mk Ultra and then imagine telling a story this complex with no rhyme or reason to it.

I would be willing to bet if you searched on the net people would tell you of some Kathy Sullivan stories when they encountered her. You can call me crazy but theres serious signs of Pathological lying patterns. I am seriously wondering why hardly one has had their "Captain Obvious" moment yet.

And of course she has a book out. Look at the signs people.

Red Herring... its a good story Kathy. But you need to know when to stop with the details. You capsized the boat after you went on about your Father and Govt officials.

This is the problem I have with MK Ultra. People who do these stories don't know when to stop. In a sense they tell it so much it becomes real to them.

Another problem is something I commonly notice with Kathy and other "Mind Control victims". She references alot of source materials from movies and books. Manchurian Candidate,Rosemarys Baby type scenery, Nikita Assassin for the Govt?

She is grafting on to specific memories that have influenced her and collaging a semi reality-fantasy.

Add to the fact she is on Psych drugs and it all makes sense why her story has become so wild.

Also her comment on "Assassins" I doubt this woman is trained in any martial arts or any combat training.

Good Lord there are just so many holes in her story. The therapist is also doing a number on her to continue with this facade with more surface cracks showing by the day to her credibility.

Again, Mind Control Experiments are probably a reality but when you go over the deep end... its so visibly seen. I knew someone like this. (not mind control yarn teller) Could not tell the truth for the life of them and with every passing word it got worse and worse.

What's tragic is that listeners who goad her on because they don't know realize it does more damage to the person by not stopping someone from lying.

If anyone wanted to the MK researchers could research her past This and Project Montauk just kill me... how badly people go off in wanting attention.

Anyone with a keen researcher eye can detonate the lot of this story. It's one thing to pass it as fiction but another as a true account.

Take the Polygraph and will see your true colors. Even though I can already tell from a mile away

They all make the same ridiculous, detailed claims. All claim to have participated in murder (yet excuse themselves from culpability) All "name names" without giving any actual names, because that, apparently, is what gets ya killed, right?

Puhleeze. Then, of course, the give 'detailed" stories of abuse and mind control technique- except there's not really any actual detail, is there? Nothing, ever, that can possibly be checked or verieied...just allusions to "electrical," "ops," other nifty sounding but useless keywords...

None can ever illuminate us as to WHY these big powerful "satanic" families need or want to have "ritual" sex with kids, or make them sex slaves, or offer ridiculously pointless pseudo-explanations.

Then, of course, these people are completely, utterly powerful, untouchable, and infallible- they never leave evididence, they never fuck up, none of their "slaves" are ever able to bring home even a bloody rag...yet at the same time, they're utterly unable to eliminate these folks before they write books, go on lecture circuits, and blather this crap all over the internet And from the looks of it, this ain't no exclusive group, but a fucking university sized class full of "escaped slaves."

There's one more ridiculous aspect- they always claim all these elaborate measures are taken, apparently at great risk, to make them fell "insane and helpless."

Yet we all know a quick suicide or a "car accident" would be much simpler and never questioned. (and don't gimme that "I'm a deadly weapon" manure, because bigger, badder people than you (who were theoretically a lot less inconvenient) have gone that way without a fight. if they wanted you gone, gone you would be, and quick.

I don't get the angle on Cathy O'Brien, they let her loose to tell the truth? But collect the details on who is looking? They must have a pretty long list now.

Is it possible her story is the one to follow, as as far I know she is one of the very few who have named names. Has a plausible story, that has had many aspects verified. She even went as far as to have her vaginal mutilation photographed by doctors.

She said crazy things like Bush SR. and Clinton are secret buddies, not so secret anymore..

You notice how Kathy talks and talks making excuses and saying, "I just can't remember that parT" Then she goes on another tangent what she is remembering. I could do that too if I read a shelf of paranoid mind control fantasy and watched a shelf of movies dealing with Govt Conspiracy

This is another common theme with pathos. They have to keep talking even if they are stumbling the whole story. In their mind they think the story is plausible.

If you tracked down some of her classmates ten to 1 she got caught lying at something. Unless of course her classmates were all "Kill Bill" assassins and they have all went to the Spirit in the Sky. Then for obvious reasons it's impossible. But Im betting on the first one.

SW you do realize that dolphins are sadistic fucks don't you? Rape and violence against female dolphins is fairly common. There is also plenty of footage of dolphins more or less torturing smaller porpoises for, what we can only assume is fun. They don't compete with these porpoises for food and they're not threat to the dolphins. But they seem to make quite a sport of tormenting and torturing these smaller relatives to death. Healing dolphins my ass. They probably came up to you to figure out how to rape you. If it's got a big brain, chances are its evil. Humans, dolphins, elephants--bad news that lot.

As for the interview, goverment agencies do a lot of wasteful crap and are often inept--but why on Earth would they give a damn about Sullivan, even if she names names? She sounds like a kook and no one is going to believe her. There is zero point in harassing her or wasting any resources on her. Even if it was a matter of wanting her back, it isn't as if there is a shortage of slaves. The wealthy can have them imported from whatever third world country they want, dispose of them, and get fresh meat. Having CIA and FBI agents chase around, gang rape and harass one of their apparently countless victims seems like a waste of time. I don't doubt many horrible things have happened to Mrs. Sullivan, but the skeptic in me has to say that there is a pretty significant possibility that a good deal of this story is made up by a traumatized mind. I mean it sounds like the stuff you hear from schizophrenics--and no, not all schizophrenia is from ritual satanic abuse. And there is no need to invoke Satanism for every case of child abuse, torture, rape, slavery, etc. The fact is that this has been going on for most of human history, with and without Satanism, and is pretty much normative behavior for humans. Ancient Greek society, for instance, was firmly based in instituionalized pederasty. They weren't Satanists, they weren't sacrificing kids--they had a culture of pederasty. Child brides were not uncommon for most of human history--and let's not kid ourselves that the husbands of child brides didn't use them sexually. Slavery, common practice throughout history and still is. Torture, common practice, still is. Point is, humans will, if given the opportunity, rape kids, enslave their fellow humans, torture their fellow humans, and kill them. That is the ugly truth. You don't need to dress it up in a black robe--we can feel better about it if evil comes in a black robe and a pentagram. But primates, like those "nice" dolphins, are mean, sadistic creatures. That some of this sadism occurrs under the guise of the occult, sure--that very much more of it happens just because we are twisted fucked up apes is the real horror.

Why should it be? I've already said I have't the time to give to the blog I would like. I'm not going to waste what time I have mixing it up with everyone who has contrary perspectives. Particularly when those perspectives are clearly agendas.

Jeff - love your blog, but I find your last comment here less than satisfying. I know you're busy, but these recent anonymous counter opinions were among the best I've seen here supporting a contrary point of view.

And maybe I missed something, but I didn't see any agendas, just well-reasoned arguments that differed from yours and most others. I'm really sorry you don't find a little time to respond substantively, I'd really like to hear what you have to say.

But I do see that would take a chunk of time, given how persuasive his/her/their arguments are, and I certainly respect your prioritizing as you choose.

Well, it's like this: when someone replies to a ritual abuse survivor's tender story of a healing swim with dolphins with the comment that dolphins are "sadistic fucks" who torture and rape, I see an agenda of retraumatization. I see someone who not only denies an injury, but doesn't want it to heal.

Jeff -- Yes, the dolphin retort was callous, but I don't see that it directly translates to having an agenda, at least not beyond the desire to make one's point. If he thinks Kathleen is psychotic, he's not buying her story. Again, I agree the whole tone was unnecessarily arrogant and rough, but I'd still like to see his/her points debated on their merits, had you the time for it. Thanks for the response.

What this is about: some comments in this thread seem to have been disappearing down a glitch in the Blogger matrix. If it's happened to one of yours, please let me know. The only comments I've ever deleted have been at their authors' requests.

Sigh. I do NOT like to get into eternal arguments with people like those who seemed intent on discrediting me in some of the prior postings.

Please excuse me for a minute. I just gotta write this to those particular posters while I have this rare opportunity to communicate directy with perps. Any comments made to them will be in parentheses.

(Guys, you have GOT to come up with some new materiel. These arguments of yours are really getting old.)

I am not surprised by the poster who tried to traumatize the pure crap out of the survivor who risked vulnerability by sharing about a lovely experience with dolphins. That person's really bizarre dolphin/rape comment comes from a heart that is ice-cold and bent on destroying others. It was a trigger designed to totally freak the survivor out and bring up at least one of that survivor's worst fears - obviously the fear of being raped again. It was also intended to pull the rug out from under the survivor, who was clinging to the lovely memory like a life preserver. Talk about utmost cruelty and lack of concern for human life!

I just realized one of the reasons why they haven't killed me. It's like a cat and mouse game for them. Sadists like to keep their prey alive so they can keep inflicting more and more pain on them. What's the fun in killing them? Really? Another thing I've been told is that they're probably keeping a file on me to figure out new ways to keep their victims from breaking loose and healing. That idea really upsets me, but there's nothing I can do about that. And I'm not about to stop healing for anyone or anything. I've worked way too hard to get to where I'm at, and healing is an absolutely marvelous experience that is worth ANY price.

Maybe some of the prior postings can help some of you to realize that professional perps don't need to cause an accident or whatever to "off" us. Because they are quite lazy and do not want to attract more attention than necessary, they seem to prefer that we off ourselves. One way they can push us over our inner cliff is by terrorizing us in thinly veiled ways that seem to be gobbledygook to anyone else who doesn't know what they're communicating to victims. Jeff and several others of you caught it, though. Kudos to you guys!

This particular technique is called suicide programming. Google the phrase. There's at least one webpage devoted to teaching people about this particularly malevolent form of mental conditioning.

This is why I have made a life-long commitment to never, ever suicide - no matter how bad my pain gets. It's also why a number of contacts have my instructions to make a very big stink of anything unusual, including forced suicide or an accident, ever happens to me. Several private investigators told me that the perps fear martyrs worst of all.

Those of us who dare to speak out get this kind of harassment on a regular basis, privately and publicly, from professional perps. It gets rather monotonous and tiring after a while, but not at first. At first, these kinds of triggers can influence more emotionally vulnrable survivors to suicide, to avoid being hurt again. I've had to check into hospitals several times to survive the effects of suicide programmnig. It's especially nasty stuff.

I learned a couple of years ago not to respond to each point of professional MC perps' arguments, because they are designed to keep me fighting windmills - yeah, the story of Don Quixote was one of those used as part of my mental programming.

I learned the hard way that I simply am wasting my precious time and energy by sparring with them, and letting them draw me more into their sewage-filled world again.

These guys have made a new career out of trying to convince us survivors, and anyone who listens to us, that we're just "crazy." Even Jolly West tried to do that - even accusing us of suffering from Munchausen's Disorder. Good grief.

To discredit us to everyone else, they often present cold false logic that is designed, ala mind control, to short-circuit the reader's brain and get the reader to stop thinking for his/herself. Their mind-numbing arguments basically hijack the readers' ability to think for themselves and make their own decisions. I have no doubt that the person(s) who wrote the prior attacking postings are pros at mind control. It's not surprising that I always feel slimed when I read their stuff.

Unfortunately, their "logic" CAN be very persuasive, particularly since they know that most readers understandably do NOT want to believe that we survivors are telling the truth. They know that this is the readers' biggest vulnerability, and they go for the juglar to get readers to do a 180 and believe we're making everything up. It's kindof like soma. Just tell me your lies, make the truth all go away, make my discomfott go away. Make it all a bad dream. Sorry everyone, but this stuff is real. I wish it wasn't too, a lot of times. But I don't have the luxury of denying the ugly stuff, because it's my personal history and it just won't leave me alone - flashbacks, etc. - when I do try to make it all "not real."

Another indication that the poster/s are professionals, is that at least one kept referring to me as Kathy. Fortunately, that particular perp (hi, Marquart)and I know each other quite well. He told me, back in the late 90s while posing as a rescuer, that mind-control perps deliberately address us by our childhood names because they know it will "make us regress" and therefore make us more vulnerable to their words and suggestions. Attacks against our minds. I guess he thought it would work one more time.

Anyway, if you can consider that maybe what I've shared in this particular posting is true, then you may also consider the possibility that you've just witnessed 1+ pros in action. Use it; learn from it. They all have personality signatures, no matter how hard they try to present themselves as normal human beings. Pretty much across the board, they also have zero empathy and usually have a cold, mean streak that they never can fully disguise when they're angry.

Now let's get back to a more healthy realty. I have helped to create a mega-website that is educational in nature. It's at http://naffoundation.org This website has hundreds of links to other websites that can help those of you who want to learn more about mind control, MKULTRA, etc.

Unlike those perps who try to hijack your minds, I am deliberately asking that you do NOT assume that what I've shared is true. Please don't. Do your own legwork. Do your own digging. And please be willing to go beyond your comfort zones. Our experiences with perps are horrific and can be very uncomfortable to read or hear about. I deeply apologize for that - I really do try to water my information down as much as I possibly can without deleting the most important parts of it.

While I'm at it, I need to respond to another posting about how "they" keep coming after Henry Kissinger. Good heavens, sir or madam! You make it sound like Henry isn't a mega-millionaire with all kinds of protection and resources and connections! I assure you - he can take care of himself just fine without any sympathy from you!

I want to share about another perp technique that some of you may have recognized in some of the prior postings. This technique is used almost universally by professional perps who seem intent on destroying the reputations and credibility of outspoken survivors. I wrote about this technique somewhere on my website or the NAFF website. I call it the "cootie game." By suggesting that outspoken survivors are mentally ill and/or are fabricating our stories because we can't stand what was done to us on a milder scale (Marquart, your personality signature is all OVER these postings), they try to distance our listeners from us. Like the childish fear of cooties, nobody wants to be associated with mental illness.

When I was a child, playing with my siblings and neighborhood children, we often played Cootie. It went like this: one child would say "EEW! He/she has cooties!" Then the rest of us would go, "EEW! and back off from the targeted child, who of course wasn't buggy at all. We would distance ourselves because of our irrational fear that the other children would also accuse us of having Cooties if we didn't back off from the targeted child.

By calling me and other survivors mentally ill, perps try to influence listeners and readers to tap into their deep fear of "catching" mental illness from us.

So let me make this easier for those of you readers who really do want to understand this stuff. The reality is, I have never been diagnosed as being mentally ill. A mental illness is usually a disorder - often chemical - in a person's brain that never can be healed or fixed. Schizophrenia is perhaps the most common example; bipolar disorder is another.

I have been extensively tested over and over, since I started to remember in 1989. Each time, I fully cooperated with qualified professionals (unlike you, Marquart) by completing numerous lengthy tests, including MMPIs, to determine my state of mind. The tests always showed that I suffered from major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and dissociation. All of these problems stem directly from my having been traumatized.

A year ago, I underwent another battery of psychological tests to see how my recovery was going. I was quite excited to learn that I no longer test for depression or a dissociative disorder. I still do suffer from anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder, which I'm still learning how to cope with. PTSD is a disorder, not a mental illness, and it has a solid basis in reality...Post-TRAUMATIC STRESS disorder.

Another issue I want to address is that one of the posters stated that I got my materials from other sources (Marquart, do you ever come up with an original new thought?) In reality, I have been extremely careful since I started remembering, to avoid any movies, books, etc. that could possibly "suggest" memories or contaminate what is coming up. I have been very fortunate in having quality professional help from people who encouraged and helped me to keep my memories my own.

Finally, no therapist who has worked with me has ever "suggested" my memories to me. In fact, I had the opposite problem. My memories seemed so bizarre and impossible back then to the people who helped me to heal, due to the fact that information about MKULTRA, etc. had not yet been made public. Because of this, I often wondered if I was crazy. It was quite a relief when the confirmations started coming out, to learn that no, I wasn't. I feel good about myself in that I trusted my memories and communications from my altered states, until the confirmations started coming. This is one of my strengths that kept me alive when all else seemed hopeless for me.

I apologize for including the little digs at Marquart. I know that's distracting. But I'm sick and tired of his harassment. He's one perp who just won't stop trying to scare and intimidate me. Sick puppy. Since he can't successfully intimidate me into being quiet about his true agenda, he instead keeps doing his best to leave his skidmarks on what I share about mind control with others.

I think it's hardest for such perps to accept that they have not only lose control of "their" victims -in reality, we were NEVER their property - but that these former victims then have the audacity to actually confront them and publicly out them. That makes it so much worse, because it also makes them a laughing-stock to the other perps. I can hear them now: what's your problem? You can't even keep control over your own victims?

Of course, the more successful pros don't realize the immense strength and stamina that "their" remaining victims have, and that they, too, are likely to lose control over the victims. It's just a matter of time. (Scary thought, huh, guys?)

I have conferred with enough mental health professionals to understand that such total control freaks fear losing control of their victims above all other fears, because having nobody to control can leave them with only themselves for intimate company. That would mean facing their own inner chaos, and they just plain don't ever want to go there - they don't want to face their inner darkness.

I honestly do pity these perps like I would a rabid dog. I don't think they are capable of realizing how screwed-up their minds are. But I don't pity them more than that. They don't deserve my time or energy anymore. I consider them to be particularly unrecoverable, because the pain they would have to feel if they face themselves - all the way through - is unbearable for them. I'm convinced that this is the underlying motivation of why they do such terrible things to innocents - they cannot face that they have become the worst human monsters on the face of this earth.

This is my last communication on Jeff's blog site. I'm in graduate school (yes, I am educated) and it takes up a lot of my time. I wish hope and happiness for all of you (perhaps most of all for you, Marquart. You need a mega-dose of it.)

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I've been reading about this all night, and am crying. I have recently had depressive bouts and suicidal idealations, and have long had similar memories as survivors. How can I tell if I've been subject to Monarch programming, or find a trustworthy therapist?

ANONYMOUS-you are way too obvious. The entirety of you posts show you to be quite compulsive about this whole subject....Kathleen is correct when she says that the psychopaths can't help but reveal themselves....

TO answer the question, why have they not killed her, the answer lies in killing her credibility. One also wonders if there are built in safeguards keping these poeple alive as well. There is one person I know, a fifties whiz kid raised at Livermore and sent to Vietnam as a cryptograph decoder and computer tech who is kept alive because he has unique information. Kathleen may well be in a rarified position herself. Discredit her, but gleen from her as well...ps -- the Vietman Vet I refer to also threatens to haunt them if they kill him, and they have tried similar tactics on him as Fidel Castro...some poeple have many lives it seems, and that can scare the perps it seems...

HK also came to mind -- he semed a politician in his own mind, along with that bullhorn raving, New World Order writing Zbieg B. (sic?)

This is a first, writing to you, a friend recently introduced your site to me. The art, the Dylan, Leonard Cohen, the graphics, resonate so incredibly.

ps -- do you write of Theodore Adorno? I better search. Also, saw your Moon postings. Really gave me a pre Thanksgiving wig out. They DID look like cards, or Imperial Margarine clones.

Like Ms. Sullivan, I too am a survivor of what apparently is a US government-sanctioned mind control project. I was fascinated to read the comments posted after each part of the interview--people using the exact same dismissive, invalidating terms and tone posted very similarly when I was finding out about this and posting to a thread on a message board. And I've now observed this many times on 3 different boards--some of the negative posts sound scripted and very unlike the usual deep-in-denial comments from people who simply resist having their happy little realities disturbed.

It may sound paranoid as hell, but I think there actually are people whose job it is to go around doing keyword searches and find the program survivors who are surfacing online and "handle" them. I learned that posts I made on certain subjects were followed within days by Real World harassment, while others were ignored. That's how I managed to finally identify a handler, even though my specific memories of him are largely clouded and blocked--immediately after I posted about figuring out who he was (no name was posted, of course) he left a note on my door and then confronted me on the street. Major slip-up.

This stuff is REAL. No matter how many nasty, demeaning, insulting posts are made by ignorant fools or professional "program" people, they can't obscure that reality when the pros screw up...which they do. They're not perfect and even the smart ones with the high security clearances can be panicked into making mistakes.

Please don't kid yourselves that the more aware, high-functioning or better educated among us aren't aware of how we sound to the public. We know. But some of us choose to speak out anyway. Since my own abuse was coordinated by the Mafia (both US and European), I'm not stupid enough to name names. But short of that, I'll continue to post online when I manage to connect enough dots to verify that one of my horrific memories is real.

So far, I've been subjected to some scary damage control operations, but, like Ms. Sullivan, I'm still here and I'm still talking. "Why" is a continuing question and the answer may be luck--I was apparently sold or transferred several times to different programs, which may mean there's something in my mind or my genes that continues to be important to someone who continues to be in power somewhere in the shadowy world of the Controllers.

I too have a small nework of people who know parts of my story and who will kick up a fuss if I die. They know about my life-long history of suicidal ideation and they know how hard I fight it now that I finally understand...and, most important, they know how I would or would not do it. And two of them know the name and address of that handler and the name of the top secret govt. contracted local lab where he's been employed for decades.

To Kathleen and the others who've posted comments having gone through similar experiences - I believe you. Thankyou for coming out with this info so that the public can become more aware of how corrupt factions of our governments have become.I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve after having gone through what others cannot even imagine.Dolphins are healing, this is well known- they do have an excellent healing effect on people and children.

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