I love my husband. 30+ years ago I made the commitment to "go where he goes". To be his wife for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. That is still my heart and soul!

29 years ago, God blessed us with a daughter ... 28 years ago, He blessed us with a son. And in the last 11 years, He has blessed us with 6 grandkids. :-)

How do I reconcile my heart to the life we are living??? We are not the "traditional" family in some ways. Granted - there is just Rick and just me. No ex's ... no step children ... just the 2 of us ... just our 2 kids, and the grandkids. But - due to choices and decisions (not always good and right - especially in looking back) we are not living a "traditional" life.

Rick drives a milk transport truck. Which means that he never knows where dispatch is sending him until the call comes in. Even on his days "off" - he has to call in at 10 a.m. and again at 5:30 p.m. AND be subject to receiving a call 24/7. Sigh. Not meaning to complain - but how do you plan anything around the job when it is like this? In 7 months he has only had 2 or 3 true days off - when he was not subject to a phone call coming in, and where he didn't have to call in the twice a day. When he isn't driving, he is resting/sleeping.

Daughter lives within 20 minutes of us. Yet, there are days and weeks at a time when the only contact we have is a phone conversation, a text message, passing each other on facebook.

Son lives almost 4 hours from us. In the last 9 months we have seen him 3 times - each time for about 2 hours. So, a total of about 6 hours with him and his family in the last 9 months. We did have the grandkids for spring break in March. So, our contact with him is also a phone conversation, a text message, and occasionally passing each other on facebook (with his wife).

I realize that we are not the only ones to live a non-traditional family life. And I realize that there are some who don't much care to see their kids and grandkids that often.

BUT - I MISS MY KIDS AND MY GRANDKIDS!!! Miss them so much that my spirit grieves, my heart aches. Miss them so much that it hurts physically. I know that we are not going to have that "Leave it to Beaver" family life. And that's ok. I just find myself wishing and praying so much that we could have more of a LIFE with the kids and the grandkids. Sigh. Have time to sit and talk ...drink a cup of coffee ... enjoy a good meal together ... sip cold ice tea ... laugh ... watch a movie ... shop ... go fishing ... dangle our feet in the water ... hug ... a trip to the zoo ... sit at the park and watch the grandkids play ... have a picnic ... hear the voices of the grandkids - even if they were arguing!

Some will say that we just have to "work at it" ... and I know that. However, it is hard (and impossible at times) for one person - namely wife, momma, grannee - to coordinate it all together and make it happen!

I pray daily, many times thru the day, for each of the kids, their spouses and the grandkids. Pray that God will love on them for me. Pray that somehow God will put the knowledge, the assurance within them - that I love them. That I miss them. That I long to see them and live LIFE with them. Pray, too, that they will somehow understand and forgive me for all the times that I haven't been there with them thru the storms and struggles of life. The times I haven't been with them thru the joys and victories. With them in prayer, over the phone, in text messages, thru the emails, and even on facebook - but not with them physically.

I wonder if anyone else goes thru this struggle of trying to reconcile their heart and hurts with the reality of life and living???