resentment

“When we wake up, IMMEDIATELY an attitude is born. For example, when I woke up, I was slightly overwhelmed and irritated with my monotonous agenda and realizing that all the changes I desire require tedious attention and action to be brought to life. The word PURPOSE came to mind. I admitted to myself that while driving many mornings to work, I feel purpose-LESS. I’m sure many of you experience that sick feeling when your alarm goes off, knowing that you have to spend another day acting as though the monotony of your job, your relationship, and your life is everything you ever dreamed of. Then, FLASHES of past decisions that led you to the present moment flicker from your subconscious to your conscious brain and bounce like 1,000 rubber balls from left to right, up and down…. everywhere. Soon after that, REGRET sets in. Instead of acknowledging YOUR part in why you’re in your current situation, your brain uses a defense mechanism that switches the regret and pressure (you briefly put on yourself) to finding SOMEONE or SOMETHING to blame. “Hell yeah, now the ball is rolling. Wonderful. Damn it. Not again….” Discomfort shifts to memories which drops to regret and ends up funneling down to the (seemingly) most painless of all the storms; RESENTMENT. Just another day in paradise, right? This morning at 5:45am, I was playing the blame game. I was deep in that terrible pattern of thinking, quickly approaching complete defeat. I got in my car and everything seemed pointless. As I started to drive, I glared through the windshield like a viking going out into the battlefield for nothing short of a violent vengeance. I drove past a person walking. I recognized this person. I’ve seen him walking before, many times. He lived near me and we’ve shared a few conversations in the past, in crossing, at the gas station. WHAM!…..I had a shot of compassion shoot through the self-defeating war and furocious disposition that I caused by letting MY brain take over. I sped past him(because I would be late for work if I let my heart get involved) but before I knew it, I’m pulled off the side of the road. As I watch him approach in my rear view mirror, I see he is dressed professionally and seemed to be on a mission to better his life. I ask him where he’s headed. He said,”a job interview.” I offered him a ride and he smiled and accepted. It turns out, it was only a couple minutes out of my way and it was THAT unexpected conversation that I needed at that moment to open my vision back up. We talked a lot about anger and the area we live and the opportunity… or lack there of. He explained his aggression towards people and I admitted to my faults but then abruptly flipped it into a POSITIVE by telling him that we can’t let negative emotion drive us because it’s not hurting anyone but OURSELVES. He thanked me and I wished him luck. We went our separate ways. Although I don’t know him well, I really hope he gets that job………

So, wow. That was my first reaction as I drove off. That quick interaction changed my whole attitude and day. What I’m saying is, I stepped outside of my own misery and discomfort to help someone else and that made the purposeless feeling do a 180 turn to PURPOSEFUL. Let your heart get in the way. LISTEN to it. If you follow your brain all the time, you will become a bitter, self-serving robot existing to either beat up others’ characters but, most commonly, you’ll just destroy your own. The brain wants GREED, OBSESSION over things, misery, addiction, and self-destruction. What the heart wants is SIMPLE. The heart craves love, peace, PURPOSE, and meaning. I will hold onto that moment for the rest of the day and beyond. That moment gracefully broke the avalanche of regret and resentment. Today, do ONE kind gesture for someone else. Expect NOTHING in return. See how it makes you feel. I am confident you’ll see that, after that moment, you felt great purpose on this earth and your own personal problems faded into the background for a moment, maybe even longer……… Have a great day and remember, your day can change as fast as you can erase the end of the word purposeless and replace it with purposeful. Strength and blessings.” #BzBe13