2010 weeping eagle awards

Friends, commenters, lend us your very worst nominations for the very first annual Wonkette Weeping Eagle Awards. We considered a bunch of different complicated email and web-survey methods, but finally decided the most entertaining way to choose both nominees and categories was to let the notorious Wonkette commenters have at it. And the award ceremony will take place next Wednesday, July 7, at Solly’s U Street Tavern in Washington. If you’re in town and you love America and the Wonkette, you are invited.

Admission is FREE because it’s a “cash bar” (and cheap drinks!), but this very special awards ceremony will feature “soul food cocktailized” by Chef Chris of Penelope’s Catering and “Whoopie Pies” by DC’s Whoops! Bake Shop.

ONWARD TO THE NOMINATIONS: The Weeping Eagle cries for the Terribleness of American Politics and Media. We plan to dishonor the worst hacks who suck the oxygen right out of the sky with their awfulness. Writers and editors of newspapers and websites, cable hosts, lobbyists, Hill staffers and elected officials, and a few myriad guttersnipes and ne’er do wells. PLEASE BE CREATIVE and don’t just say the same old Fox News blowhards or whatever. We’re looking for fresh rotting meat, and we’re looking for specific examples of douchery.

“Winners” will be chosen by poll starting Wednesday night and continuing through the week. Those brave enough to pick up their award in person will receive a beautiful, custom Weeping Eagle trophy and patriotic certificate of Bad Citizenship … and, most likely, a round of drinks and encouragement to “do better next time” and “stop being such an assclown.”

The Keith Bardwell “I’m Not Racist, But . . .” Award – Goes to the person who does the most outrageously and obviously racist stuff and at the same time both declares and (this is important) ABSOLUTELY BELIEVES that he or she is not being racist.

JIM GERAGHTY FTMFL! Does he realize how gay his knock-kneed background picture on Twitter looks? “Hay guyz, just climbed a mountain, hehehe” I suppose a legitimate nomination for this award requires more than that, but I’d rather watch a donkey show than read NRO, so…

hightailing_elvis

This motherfucker, http://joebarton.house.gov/Default.aspx
I nominate this shitstain as most willing to personify the vile corruption destroying our nation while simultaneously coming off as stupid enough to possibly not realize what he represents. Is it a writing credit? A directing credit? It is complicated, this is LIVING THEATER.

The Oklahoma legislature, for being dicks to the Flaming Lips. Oh, and for passing a bunch of astonishingly cretinous and invasive abortion-related laws.

Can we work in George Rekers somehow? Perhaps as a nominee in the category Least Persuasive Excuse? He can share this category with Mark Sanford and Eric Massa.

BTW, what’s the time frame for this? Will there be a Lifetime Achievement award?

imissopus

[re=609047]emcee[/re]: I would like to nominate Rand “I’m not a racist I just think we should roll back the 1964 Civil Rights Act” Paul for that award. Also.

Myrna the Minx

I mean, where to start with Nevada pols?

Ensign for schtooping his best friend’s wife while she worked for him and then asking his parents to bail him out of trouble like a teenager. Oh, and then he failed to get his cuckolded friend a job as compensation for schtooping his wife. Plus he no doubt violated Senate ethics at some point while doing all of the above.

Senate candidate Sharron Angle loves America so much she wants to decimate it for its own good–getting rid of Social Security, Medicare, the Dept. of Education, the VA, you name it, she wants to privatize it. It’s all part of God’s plan after all–just like armed insurrection 2nd Amendment remedies. Also, she thinks everyone should have babies whether they want to or not and that all the newly unemployed people are just lazy and spoiled. The 3rd Great Depression is just a small obstacle in their search to find their dignity again through low paying part time jobs.

Lame Suck Governor Gibbons has done so many silly things I can’t even remember them…alleged parking garage sexual assault, seedy cell phone calls on state technology, embarrassing divorce, cussing out poor reporters catching him red handed with his mistress who looks amazingly like the his alleged sexual assault victim Chrissy Mazzeo. He and his mistress had their photo taken with S. Carolina Gov Sanford in DC as evidence that they were NOT in Washington DC together. Oh, and we can’t forget the illegal immigrant he hid in the basement when company came over. And his press releases written by a 5th grader are always good for a laugh.

And Dean Heller is afraid hobos are making a comeback–and not just at Halloween. Phew.

sanantonerose

Another vote for Tea Party Candidate Sharron Angle. That crazy bitch wants to tell rape and incest victims that their terrible ordeal was all part of God’s plan. Category? Misplaced Trust in a Higher Power Award. Also in the running could be Bobby Jindal and the entire Louisiana Senate for voting to “pray for an end to the oil crisis in the Gulf.”

For ‘Tea Party Drag Impersonator’, I nominate James Renwick Manship for his creative casting of George Washington as Napoleon’s Grandmother Miss Thang Whatevah. And while Rick Barber’s psychotic George Washington was also cringe-worthy, the actor who played him is unknown, while Manship is a local hobo who’d willingly debase himself for recognition.

Zorg

Hard to go wrong with the Texas State Board of Education and their rewriting of American history textbooks to suit the wingnut constituency of the state, which is really saying something.

I Heart Accuracy

To fine wonketteers everywhere, for your consideration.

Bill Sizemore: Finger-banging the Oregon referendum system since the late 80s-early 90s.

By collecting enough signatures, Oregon citizens can bring any fucking thing to a vote, even outlawing those googly eyes on pet rocks. Dickwad, above, leads the charge of what has become a petri dish for Rovian double-speak, friendly-title-coating of poison-pill bills, and general non-acceptance of reality (refusing paying taxes, honoring court judgments, keeping records of things, etc).

Assmunch cut his teeth blocking expansion of light-rail in 1993. Through incessant introduction of initiatives, like rapey sperm in a Bible College retreat, Bill Sizemore managed to pass one bill-sperm that the State is still trying to sort out, Smoking Baby Measure 47. What a waste of fucking time. Now this jerkoff is running for Governor? What an asshole. This personified neocon is why some people should get a “best if used by” stamp, then get sent to a targeting range FOR THE TROOPS.

The Bill Sizemore Rapey Sperm Theory Award of Rescuing America

Thugs & Criminals

I will cry actual eagle tears if Jake Knotts is not a finalist in the John C. Calhoun Embarrassment To The Free States Award category.

Ye Olde Fap-Smith

For consideration in the “Irving and Bill Kristol Filthy Human Dildo Award” category — at least until I think of someone worse for Wednesday night — I unofficially nominate:

Ramin Setoodah, for his nauseating piece in the soon-to-be-defunct periodical abortion that is Newsweek, in which he argues that the gheys should only be typecast in traditionally ghey roles. Because apparently “acting” no longer means pretending to be someone/something that you, in reality, are not. I could give him a pass if he had been hungover and it was late afternoon and he needed to quickly shit out a pot-boiler to meet a deadline, but it seems he put some sort of effort into the article. So, fuck him.

trondant

Paul Broun, Jr.(R-GA). Too much of a motherfucking pussy to show his pasty face in Athens since this. Then we learn he’s as good at bankin’ as he is at doctorin’ and legislatin’. He took it in stride, with his usual tact and aplomb, holding only himself responsible. And this only scratches the surface of his gibbering, feces-smearing douchebaggery.

The health care debate alone made him a household name among households in which the kids sleep with the parents way past their teens. And yes, that could also mean the teen-aged years of the parents. I’d wish an aneurysm on him, but that would imply that the vast brown lagoon of pigshit sloshing between his ears constitutes a brain.

Trying not to overplay my hand w/ the most obvious candidates here and hope the categories are general enough to use, Wonkette Overlords.

gurukalehuru

Mike Tyson – political kingmaker

memzilla

One special Lifetime Achievement Ruination of America Weeping Eagle Award to Ronald Reagan, without whom the 2007 Economic Meltdown would not have happened.

“It seems that you can look at a chart of almost anything and right around 1981 or soon after you’ll see the chart make a sharp change in direction, and probably not in a good way.”

After Saint Ronaldus was elected till now:
* We went from being the largest creditor to the largest debtor nation.
* Growth of GDP began plummeting to a 57 year low.
* Working people’s share of increased productivity began plummeting to a 60 year low.
* The average CEO pay went from 40 x workers to 400 x workers.
* Concentration of wealth at the top spiked to the same level as 1927, which forced working people to eat their savings and go into debt. (1927=The Invisible Hand is Enough to Regulate The Market, We Don’t Need No Steenkin’ Rules).

[re=609068]gurukalehuru[/re]: Another nomination for political kingmaker: BP for giving Charlie Crist an actual shot at winning a Senate seat.

zhubajie

Is this the Glass Belly Button Award? Which allows the holder to see where they are going, in spite of recto-cranial inversion?

hoosiermama

I’m thinking about some folks to nominate, but for right now my only suggestion is that the name of the award for most fucked up ideation of American exceptionalism should be called “Shining City Upon A Hill Award” — referring to a Reagan speech, who ripped off the concept from John Winthrop.

Terry

Vittor.

Maybe he should be given a Life Time Achievement Award and exempt him from competition. Recall that he is able to deliver morality lectures by day, yet by night regularly pay a prostitute for activities that include him pooing in a diaper. Then he has the baby powder fresh cajones not to resign.

surely pat robertson should win something (other than an increase in his magic powers) for saying that the haiti earthquake was the result of their voodoo deal with the devil or whatever. bonus points for the fact that his statement was actually historically contradictory.

BklynIlluminati

Can there be a Liberace award for best Republican/wingnut who outed himself with his own stupidity? The award can have rentboy on it. Also how about best fear monger award, the nominees can be the usual Becktard, Snowbilly grifter, Bachman insanity overdrive et al.

311 truth movement

Give Charlie Crist something. Anything!

memzilla

[re=609076]Bearbloke[/re]: Some of got a good long night’s sleep because we avoided this movie like the plague.

Magic underpants award. Not limited to just Mormons this should be open to anyone who has gone above and beyond the call in bringing their religious delusions into the public arena. Anyone pushing abstinence only education would automatically qualify.

4tehlulz

How about Joe Lieberman Troll of the Year Award?

It could be:
Scott Brown, for tanking financial reform over a small bank fee?
Russ Feingold, for voting to filibuster because fin reform isn’t perfect (and doesn’t have his name on it)?
Bart Stupak, for nearly tanking HCR over abortion?
Mary Landrieux, for killing energy reform because she thinks bp is doing a heck of a job?

lochnessmonster

I wanted to put Mark Kirk in for being such a lying liar but then agani, aren’t all politicians lying liars?

4tehlulz

BTW, this needs a special achievement award the GOP members of the Judiciary Committee, who decided that _Brown v. Board of Education_ was a matter of debate.

memzilla

Have we gotten to almost 40 comments with no one having mentioned Jonah Goldberg? Jonah Goldberg for Shameless Political Hack Category!

Shanghaied

A Brownie Award for Uselessness in Public Office

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

[re=609047]emcee[/re]: Okay, that’s a good category, but when you stop and think about it, it would end up being at LEAST a fifty million way tie. Okay, I admit, the math is kinda hard here, but you need to take ninety percent of the GOP, plus ninety percent of the FNC employee roster plus 100% of conservative talk radio hosts multiplied by number of radios and tvs in the South, carry the one…

see where I’m going with this?

slappypaddy

there should be some sort of award and/or category for skoalrebel, who made so much possible. “creative use of a stovetop” might be it.

earnestcivilservant

The IT cretins at work have banned me from the Wonkette, but now I have my IPad gadget, screw them. I am back!

How about “Hottest New Politician”? Having that category a few years ago would have allowed us to recognize Sarah Palin much earlier on. Maybe Scott Brown would qualify?

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

[re=609055]sanantonerose[/re]: Ooh, for a side bar on misplaced trust of higher being award, you got Tom Coburn asking the American people to pray for Senator Byrd’s death. That the fucker got his wish actually kinda creeps me out.

I would like a more fitting title for the category though, something along the lines of , “I hope you burn in hell you ultra Christian self righteous ass munching fuck, because I’m not entirely sure you being bathed for all eternity in hellfire would be ironic, but it sure as shit would be supremely satisfying poetic justice you sanctimonious little prick that with the unfortunate habit of trying validate your heinous douchbaggery with a fucking bible.”

But I’m not sure that would fit on a trophy.

coolcatdaddy

Hillary Rosen.

One of the most prominent lobbyists in Washington, she basically drove the Human Rights Campaign, which had previously been a rather benign annoying organization, into a suckhole for donations and springboard for her own career, alienating practically everyone in the LGBT community.

She went on to head the RIAA’s efforts to sue everyone who hummed a tune, spewing fear and misinformation about basic concepts like “Fair Use” and Creative Commons licensing all over DC.

After being the most damaging head of the RIAA in its history, she became a talking head on CNN, MSNBC, etc.

But, she’s back! Most recently, she became a PR hack for BP.

She represents everything that’s wrong with American politics and dialogue about issues – she has no morals, no sense of decency and no shame.

tencentcomic

It’s a long shot, what with the false pretense that he actually doesn’t care, but I nominate Ken Layne for his unrelenting efforts to spew and ooze all of the crap he posts on Wonkette. Seriously, none of this material and none of we (us?) commenters would have a chance to shine or putrify right here on the Internet if it weren’t for Ken and his buddies.

the problem child

The “what a great concept, let’s set up up (another) webpage to harvest fake e-mail addresses” award to Michael Steele.

Johnny Zhivago

If the criteria is just awfulness, frankly, I don’t see how this is going to work.

There is just too wide a field to possibly choose from.

Mr Blifil

I have no ideas but it seems to me logical that the “winner,” if they attend the “ceremony,” should be required to perform some manner of anal violation on this Dave Weigel person while the assembled onlookers gawk and point and shout “huzzah!” For atonement.

I take it back, let’s give Robert Byrd the Posthumous Dithering Doddering Lifetime Shitstain Award, and tell someone on his staff that it’s a really prestigious BIG DEAL. Someone from his office would definitely show up, and then that person could perversely humiliate this Dave Weigel person. That would be known as “everbody going home happy!”

Hart88

Eric Cantor, for trying to minimize the Teabagger’s racist rants during the HCR vote by claiming that someone had shot out the windows in his office…in Richmond…at night…and missed by two floors.

Capitol Hillbilly

I nominate Mark Thiessen for the “Cancel My Subscription to the Washington Post” award.

Look, if you want to give a bunch of awards to Ross Douthat, just do it. No need to beat around the bush.

But also–Mickey Kaus–that guy, and anyone (i.e. the NY Times) who hailed his Senatorial run as a breath of fresh air.

Ted Kennedy Breakdancing

[re=609064]Thugs & Criminals[/re]: I will have to agree with Thugs & Criminals and give my vaunted nomination to Jake “Fucking Raghead” Knotts. I mean anyone who tries to say that Saturday Night Live, America’s home for safe unfunny “humor,” did a sketch which they called Barack Obama a fucking raghead…

Well thats just douchery and lies of a brand new level. I just figured Knotts would be one of those assholes who didn’t even get broadcast channels anymore because he didn’t get the magic box to hook up to his trailer’s antenna.

What a fucking asshole that guy is. Seriously.

Mr Blifil

OK I lied I thought of someone. Obvious I know but I AM NOT TRYING TO WIN A POPULARITY CONTEST.

Andrew Breitbart for breaking the internet. More specific wrongdoing, you say? How about his months-long crusade to conflate the (pre-reharsed?) spectacle of eggs thrown at the side of a slowly moving bus into the My Lai Massacre? And for exploiting his stooge Kenneth Gladney such that he has probably ruined the poor guy’s life, not that I feel an ounce of pity.

Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin

[re=609094]tencentcomic[/re]: I, too, nominate Ken Layne. Fish cannot survive without water, sound cannot exist in a vacuum; in this wise is asshattery intrinsic to political commentary in our terrible terrible world. If someone’s gotta win a douche prize, it might as well be a douche we read and respect.

I have one that would make the most patriotic Uhmerikan eagle weep in it’s nest for the rest of it’s life – that time some judge bitch slapped Orly Taitz and threw out her birther lawsuit. Every teatard across the nation wept. Wasn’t that this year?

Mild Midwesterner

I think we need a “Rookie MVP” category of some sort. And for that award, I nominate the big pimp James O’Keefe!

But I also have a technical question: I love America, and I love Wonkette, but I really hate them together (this is also how I feel about fluffernutter and tequila). Can I still come to the party?

James O’Keefe, for excellence in New Media and criminal trespass and for being able to take it up the poop shute from Breibart without much whimpering.

slavojzizek

I nominate Dick Cavett for a special award. He has written 30 columns for nytimes.com, but, to date, not attained one single page view. An incredible achievement.

Oblios Cap

Erick Erickson gets the award for self-delusion. He actually thinks his shitty Redstate website has influence in the political arena, when it’s really a comedy site showcasing really crappy writing and even worse “ideas”.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

[re=609110]S.Luggo[/re]: [re=609102]Mr Blifil[/re]: I second both O’Keefe and Brietbart.

Asshole Andy isn’t even trying now, putting up a 100G reward for journolist stuff? Isn’t that what disreputable tabloids do…

oh

Radiotherapy

Yo, Bristol Palin, best supporting actress in a Made for TV Melodrama.
Who is the next Meryl Streep? Now we know!

I nominate the Idaho GOP for the first annual “Our State Actually Deserves All That Nuclear Waste Sitting in Decomposing 50-gallon Drums Somewhere in the Desert at the Idaho National Engineering Laboratory and Leeching Slowly Into the Snake River Aquifer” Award.

guerilla-nation

If I may be so bold, I nominate myself. About four months ago, I got drunk and voted for Rick Perry. Ain’t nothing awfuller than that …

Monsieur Grumpe

Another category should be “Voice That Drives People to Stuff Sharpened Pencils into Their Ears Award” and I nominate the Sarah Palin and Joe Lieberman

mostly corn

The “Postermammal for Justifiable Retroactive Abortion Award,” presented to Steve King (Anus-IA).

Nerdalicious

Anyone from Arizona with age spots. & also Tony Hayward otherwise known as Pip the Sailor Yachtsman (while the Earth died)

tencentcomic

Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken. Come on everybody! What would we all be doing right now (other than working or playing with ourselves) if it wasn’t for Ken and his more or less continuous stream of bile to chew on. Ken, Ken, Ken… Oh well, back to my other obsessions…

SlouchingTowardsWasilla

Wait. Is there a time limit on this? Is this douchebaggery that has been committed this year? The past twelve months?

If this was already addressed, I apologize. I was too lazy to read all the comments.

Biggest Hypocrite: That guy who railed against homosexuals as a consultant, speaker, activist and writer but who was caught vacationing in Europe with a young homosexual escort who the guy hired from a homosexual massage, escort, hook-up and dating site.

Biggest Hypocrite, Part II: Eliot Spitzer, who, as an attorney general, prosecuted several high-end prostitution rings–while also patronizing several high-end prostitution rings, possibly including some rings that he worked to prosecute. And Spitzer never served a day in jail.

Most Heart Attacks: Dick Cheney.

peanutbutterjellytime

Most wasted ink: Salahis

ella

It occurs to me I might have slightly misquoted Matthews, but you know which one I mean. It literally made my jaw drop.

pub_option

I nominate the Supreme Court for the Citizens United decision. Could the wing of the eagle in the award be tilted outwards, such that it appears to be offering a bribe?

EdFlinstone

Amy Siskind has been flying under the radar, but has been bringing major douchery for years now and it’s time she receives the recognition she deserves.

ella

Commies Under the Bed: Glenn Beck for his art history lecture about “commie art” at Rockefeller Center.

queeraselvis v 2.0

Jake Tapper for Worst Misuse of Military Alphabet to Defend Meghan McCain’s Bodacious Ta-tas. Or Biggest Piece of Fecal Matter to be Extruded from Megs McCain’s Lower Intestine.

Lake Affected

Best Unintentionally Hilarious Picket Sign: “Homescholers for Palin”

Crazybroad

The I would never quit on you public service award should go to Kwame Kilpatrick, for having the audacity to say he cares about the City of Detroit, all the while raping, robbing, and pillaging (literally) through the City. Let’s also not forget his non-apologies and absolute refusal to take responsibility for anything. We’re pretty sure mommy is paying his legal bills from her slush fund.

Glenn Beck – I know…I know – we’re not supposed to knee-jerk offer some Fox nooz asswipe, but Glenn is special. He has polluted the national discourse in far deeper and worse ways than Rush et al could ever do.

He also brought the phrase, “Don’t tease the panther” to our attention. For this he should be disemboweled and have his organs burned before his eyes.

weejee

I’d like to nominate Liz “Rhymes with Runt” Cheney for so very many outbursts of total doucery and waste of valuable air. But in the particular nominate her for railing about DOJers terrorist sympathizers.

Also strongly agree with [re=609069]memzilla[/re] that Ronbo deserves a lifetime and deathtime achievement award since he is still fucking with us. Reagan is like the clap, he just keeps on cumming, and cumming. Everyone pull-up a vision of happy white folks sittin’ on the porch in the summer sipping nickle Coka Colas outa green glass bottles. Something 1930s or so. Now hold it a minute and get all nostalgy with a tear in the eye and a lump in the throat. Come on hold that vision. Good, now let’s take those fucking Coke bottles and recycle ’em right up Ron’s departed ass.

Death Impaneled

Can we nominate local politco’s. I want to put up my state’s Hiram Monserrate for ‘Unrepentant Douche of the year award” for beating his girlfriend, leading a political coup that stopped NY government, getting convicted and eventually thrown out of office, and then running for the seat he got thrown out of in the special election and blaming the whole thing on Racism.

EdFlinstone

[re=609163]EdFlinstone[/re]: If you want specific examples heres a few of Amy Siskind’s gems:

1. Criticizes Ben Nelson for anti-abortion work in congress while lauding Sarah Palin.
2. Wrote that if healthcare failed women will be blamed, several weeks later advocated
that Coakley should run against healthcare.
3. Obama, raised by a single mother and his grandmother, married with 2 daughters is a
misogynist and “uncomfortable” around women.

How she’s escaped the wrath of wonkette is a mystery.

TJBeck

I think Jim Newell deserves a nomination, for obvious reasons.

biscuits

The Argentinian lady that made “hiking the Appalachian trail” the new sexy time phrase

The gross old hypocrite that made “carrying my luggage” the new sexy time phrase

And the governor of VA for forgetting that Confederate day might be offensive to people whose ancestors were enslaved by the Confederacy.

Wait, what about the guy from TN who decided to run for office and NY and started speaking yiddish to sound more cool?

I nominate Victor Davis Hanson, who had this brilliant insight in February 2009 – “We are quite literally after two weeks teetering on an Obama implosion” – and has been a font of racist vitriol ever since. His most recent contribution was to inform us that the “Arrogant Obama Presidency Plays Out Like A Greek Tragedy.”

How about the “Ipse Dixit” (“because I say so”) award for the most bald-faced out-and-out, demonstrably false with no possibility for ‘walk-back’ public pronouncement, with winners in the public official, corporate shill, and “journalist” categories?

There are so many nominees and so many possibilities I don’t know where to begin, but the clincher is that it has to be something that is not just a matter of opinion or characterization, but is just plain old incorrect, such as the “volcanoes only occur in warm climates” statement. The other limitation is that it is not a biographical statement (a la blumenthal) but must be a statement of general knowledge and/or clear historical record.

Weeping Jesus

I’m ambivalent about any event that might tend to dilute the market for posters of me hovering in outer space, lip trembling, eyes brimming, a solitary tear perched on my cheek as I contemplate the awful moments when that one building or whatever was hit by those planes and such. I admit, I generally only cry when bad things happen to the god-loving US of A, but really, it’s a bit much for even me to anguish over the other stuff that goes on around the world, particularly in those koran-thumping countries.

So, if the Weeping Eagle wants to pick up some of the less glamorous things and give them some tear duct work I guess I have to say “Have at it, my man, have at it”. I can use all the help I can get.

Please order my new posters in time for this year’s 9/11 Annual Maudlin Extravaganza.

Mild Midwesterner

[re=609130]mostly corn[/re]: Why are you copying my avatar?

Oldskool

The crazy ass caught in Afghanistan looking for Bin Laden. He deserves the Most Obvious Attempt At Hero Worship Without Getting His Psychotic Head Sliced Off On Camera Award.

Minority Whips are Racist

In the true spirit of the Weeping Eagle, I’d like to see a Most Effective Tea Bagger award that goes to the average, non-corporate entity tea bagger that didn’t just sit around in a lawn chair at HCR town halls with a misspelled sign and an assault rifle, but actually tried to get something done:

– Gary Brooks Faulkner for his black ops in Pakistan attempting to convert Osama bin Laden with some Christian missionary tracts, kidney meds, and a bit of hash.

– Joe Stack for his airborne attack on low-level IRS employees who were likely attempting to subvert the agency from within, since they too lived in Texas.

bureaucrap

[re=609093]coolcatdaddy[/re]: I agree, but there are so many like her. We’d have to figure out a category that captured that special brand of complete moral prostitution wearing a flimsy mu mu of progressive activism.

BTW, must send my regrets. Even though Solly’s is in walking distance, I’ll be out of town that night. :(

Manos: Hands of Fate

John McCain for his slavish desire to chuck every single proclaimed principle he ever claimed to stand for to keep in right with the mouth-breathing hateful crowd that makes up the Arizona GOP so he can keep his stupid job and remain a baneful prescene on Sunday morning TV.

Kathleen Parker for complaining about too many Jews on the Supreme Court (I know Pat Buchanan said the same thing but everyone knows he a crypto-fascist already so he doesn’t have the “I’m just a regular old nice American woman” creep factor going)

Thomas Friedman for being an overpaid idiot

Chris Matthews for comparing Sen. Blanch Lincoln to Norma Rae

Ben Nelson for sucking up a shit load of federal subsidies and then complain about the deficiet whenever the feds want to help unemployed people who don’t live in Nebraska.

Oldie-but-goodie Rick Santelli. Just the other day, there he was on the floor of the NY Stock Exchange, spittle flying, exhorting us to “Stop the spending!” (Except for bailouts for him and his crooked buddies. That spending is “different.”)

Dashboard_Buddha

The Maine republican party should get a E Stupidus Dirigo (I Lead the Stupid) award for being the first state party apparatus to support the “Austrian School” of economics without knowing what it is and for just being a collection of vandalizing fuckwads in general.

The “The Grim Reaper Must Be Out To Lunch; ZOMG How Is This Old Still Here!?” award: Phyllis Schlafly

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

Okay, here’s an obvious yet fun one. Best (worst… or most ironic) Teabagger sign/slogan/random phrase shouted out by some fucktard at a Teabagging event). Clearly there will be many nominees, but I have to nominate “Keep Government Out of Medicare!” It’s a little too cerebral to win, I know, but still.

Also, too, Skoal Rebel. Why has there been only one mention of Skoal Rebel before me?

BOOBIES!

“Family Values Hypocrisy Award” for the politician who whined the loudest about lovin’ Jesus, families and virtue but who acted like a two bit heathen whore.

TGY

The source of all media suckery: Rupert Murdoch, or course. May the Suck be with you.

Edywin

From the Hoosier contingent, I nominate Evan Bayh for the Sarah “Too Legit to Quit” Palin award for making every vote in congress for something decent from now on, an anus squeezing moment. Nobody loves a DINO from Indianapolis anymore, unless you are Mitch Daniels.

PabaBritannica

[re=609118]Pompous Magnus[/re]:

Category: Greatest Alabama Republican Campaign Ad- my nominee is the one with Abe Lincoln bellowing “SLAVERYYYY” when asked about income taxes, complete with pictures of dead jews at Auschwitz. I mean, the only way it could have gone higher on the insanity scale would be if they’d brought in the guy who shoots sign stealers and had him shoot an Obama effigy.
Category: Best State Party Platform- Maine, for writing one that specifically said the party needed to listen to its Paultards.
Category: The “All Hope Is Lost” Award for Unrepentant Nihilism- Joe Lieberman, for…being Joe.

I would like to nominate Tim D’Anunzio, from my home state of North Carolina, for whatever award goes to the most insane people to actually win an election. Tim ran for the GOP nomination in the 8th House district. He was notable for:

-having an insane blog called “Christ’s War” http://christswar.blogspot.com/
-having a press secretary who denied he had a blog called “Christ’s War” http://wunc.org/programs/news/Isaac-Hunters-Tavern/blogging-christ-s-war
-stating numerous times that he was the messiah
-claiming the entire US government was the anti-Christ
-driving to New Jersey once to try to raise his father from the dead
-claiming he had discovered the Ark of the Covenant
-claiming that God was going to drop a 1000 ft high pyramid on Greenland, signalling Jesus’s 2nd Coming
-having court and arrest records stating that he did copious amounts of heroin
-raising money by holding a MACHINE GUN SOCIAL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDWMAiLW8Ss
-and the coup de grace…GETTING THE MOST VOTES IN THE PRIMARY…only to lose the runoff after the GOP poured a ton of money into his opponents cofers to avoid this embarassment

I’m gonna toss out Coakley as an underdog in this race. But I have a special Mass based rage at her lack of campaign and lose to I Have A Truck guy. Someone toss some whiskey over Teddies grave, he sure isn’t resting peacefully with Center Fold Senator in his seat.

I nominate Charlie Crist for the “I swear, ‘Indepedent’ is Not a Code Word for Gay” award.

PlanetWingnuta

[re=609091]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: just shorten it to “best religious hypocrite award” . ANd how about the “Mah Pussy Hurtz ” Award to people who act with righteous indiginaton about the batshitty things?

smitallica

[re=609213]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Agree on a Signs Category. Can it be the “Signs of the Apocalypse” Award?

And how about the Tim James “Does It To You?” Award for Presenting Extreme, Misguided and Ignorant Positions as Mainstream Common-Sense Policy?
My nominee: GOP (Pick ’em)

S.Luggo

“PLEASE BE CREATIVE and don’t just say the same old Fox News blowhards or whatever.”
Unfair restriction, Layne. FoxNews is to assholes what a toilet seat is.

Doglessliberal

[re=609201]bureaucrap[/re]: any category of moral prostitution must include James Carville.

PabaBritannica

Our Virginia Attorney General, Ken Cuccinelli, deserves an award of high achievement for getting in the news for fighting ObamaCare, gays in colleges, boobs on state seals, and Fake Global Warming…and doing all of this in under 6 months on the job! Good job, Ken!

How about a “Highest Batting Average” sort of thing, for the person with the most dubious stories in the shortest amount of time?

Jim89048

[re=609054]Myrna the Minx[/re]: Ensign, for sure. As a veterinarian, he has (probably) killed puppies and kittens.

[re=609273]PabaBritannica[/re]: oh, god, how could I forget? I must have blocked him out. Yes, he goes on the list.

Tinkle Down Effect

This year’s Hillary Clinton Award, given to the candidate from either major party who most embodies the snatching of defeat from the jaws of victory, goes to Martha Coakley.

MarieDeGournay

This may be old, but here’s my perpetual nominee: Missouri State Rep. Cynthia Davis who suggested canceling school lunches because the poors need tough love:

“Hunger can be a positive motivator. What is wrong with the idea of getting a job so you can get better meals? Tip: If you work for McDonald’s, they will feed you for free during your break.”

Yes, you read that right: the only way poor childen should be fed is if they enslave themselves to a corporate giant that serves the worst food on the planet next to tiger penis. This woman represents the mouldy heart of ‘conservative’ values. Fuck her and all like her.

Diana Davies

Can we have a little something for Sharron Angle, who singlehandedly made rape and incest so religiously romantic?

Lake Affected

For the “Feral Political Commentator” Award, the one and only skoalrebel.

Also, the “Best New Hip Hop/R&B Artist” Award goes to the Wolverines. As a constant reminder of greatness.

Snarkalicious

[re=609274]Jim89048[/re]: Because of government regulation, veterinarians are unable to practice their love, also.

user-of-owls

[re=609252]Zadig[/re]:

Biggest Cocktease: Dick Cheney’s heart attacks.

I have an alternative candidate for that prize, Tom Coburn. He sorely disappointed hundreds of sex tourists who flocked to southeast Oklahoma searching for the touted “rampant lesbianism” in high school bathrooms.

CParkette

How about Politico, I’m sorry, POLITICO for winning the morning with really clicky headlines and turning political journalism into the equivalent of high school bathroom rumors

Snarkalicious

Best In Sport: Eric Massa for his masterful Snorkeling technique.

Best In Magic: Cosmopolitan Magazine for their astounding ‘Hide the Sausage’ trick.

Prommie

The Neocon Nepotism award for Liz Cheney. “Neocon,” because “Neonazi” just wouldn’t work as the name for an AIPAC front group.

I Am Not Your Gary Busey

For the “Makin’ Texas Look Good” award I’d like to nominate the states of:
South Carolina, for being loudly inbred, racist and over-sexed in a exemplary manner this past year (Nikki Haley, Alvin Greene, Mark Sanford, etc…).
Arizona, for being loudly inbred, racist and under-sexed in the most heinous of ways (Joe Arpaio, Immigration Law, etc…).
And since you need at least three, oh lets see: Utah! For sending the Mormon brigade to interfere in California’s Proposition 8 election last year.

For the prestigious “Keep Fuckin’ That Chicken” award, complete with Bucket o’ KFC Honorarium:
Texas Board of Education, thanks for snatching that brass ring back from all the other states you jackasses. For a long and sterling multi-year record of sacrificing the children of this nation on the altar of conservative ideology! (accomplishments to numerous to list: http://www.tfn.org/site/PageServer?pagename=issues_public_schools_SBOE_extremism )
BP! What list of nominees would be complete without the company responsible for 97% of the industry safety violations committed in a notoriously lax regulatory climate? Thanks for killing everything in the gulf current for the next generation wankers!
And obviously the Republican Party. Keep running to the base guys, just so long that you never realize that the base is the most cretinous, racist, homophobic leprechaun to ever poop a pot of gold!

hobbssamuelj

michael gerson for today’s column in the “WAPO” where he derided Dave Wiegel for emailing mean dick stuff about hate-filled fucks rush limbo and matt drudge. hey, didn’t that michael gerson come up with that whole “axis of evil” line that led to the death of at least 600,000 iraqis? thank sweet baby jesus THAT kind of stuff isn’t as dehumanizing as saying someone should shoot themselves!!!

Ok, so Ken asked us to be creative. Here’s one I better you haven’t heard of. Abel Tomlinson, a Green Party candidate who got close to 30% of the vote against incumbent John Boozman in 2008 and who was slated to run again in 2010, has hit a rocky patch in his campaign:

“A police report says 29-year-old Abel Noah Tomlinson was arrested for disorderly conduct, public intoxication and resisting arrest. Police and sheriff’s deputies pulled Tomlinson from the tree about 4 p.m. Monday after he appeared to slip and fall part of the way down the tree.

While in the tree Tomlinson shouted profanity and that “The war on drugs is a war on people like me.”
Tomlinson ran in 2008 as a Green Party candidate for Congress, losing to Republican U.S. Rep. John Boozman by a 3-to-1 margin.”

Abel has since formed a church dedicated to using psylocybin and peyote as religious enlightenment. As one local source noted, “This could certainly have a negative effect on his unannounced U.S. Congressional campaign.”

Elizabeth Hovde is the Portland Oregonian’s house conservative op ed writer, and she recently committed a brilliant full-frontal pratfall with a column on Arizona’s immigration law that begins: “Arizona’s new illegal immigration law isn’t racist, nor does it encourage unfair racial profiling.”

And…. “After all, people who are opposed to the new law can’t seriously be this upset that someone who looks Hispanic might have to prove his or her citizenship when pulled over for an unrelated but lawful contact.”

“In Hoke County divorce records, his wife said in 1995 that D’Annunzio had claimed to be the Messiah, had traveled to New Jersey to raise his stepfather from the dead, believed God would drop a 1,000-mile high pyramid as the New Jerusalem on Greenland and found the Ark of the Covenant in Arizona. A doctor’s evaluation the following month said D’Annunzio used marijuana almost daily, had been living with another woman for several months, had once been in drug treatment for heroin dependence and was jailed a couple times as a teenager.
The doctor concluded that his religious beliefs were not delusional. A judge wrote in a child support ruling a few years later that D’Annunzio was a self-described “religious zealot” who believed the government was the “Antichrist.” The judge said he was willfully failing to make child support payments.”

He’s gotten some notice elsewhere, but I don’t think we’ve discussed him here. He deserves all the awards.

Sweet Baby Cheeses

Lifetime Achievement Award for Newt Gingrinch, I say.

mumblyjoe

[re=609047]emcee[/re]: Honestly, I’m not sure Glenn Beck wouldn’t still manage to sweep this award: “I’m not a racist, and calling someone a racist is the WORST thing you can do to someone. Oh, and by the way, Obama’s clearly a racist. To hear more about this and how whites are worth less than blacks, please attend my Lincoln Memorial rally on August 28th, because what, do Blacks own Martin Luther King or something? Why can’t I, a guy who spends all my time accusing minorities of racism and efforts aimed at social justice and poverty alleviation of being part of some Socialist Progressive conspiracy, appropriate Martin Luther King’s crusade of social justice and povety alleviation for my own agenda?”

Zadig

[re=609367]notreallyhelping[/re]: I can’t possibly be upset for those reasons? Well, shit, I guess I’m not, then!

agitpropster

Need I point out that after just a wee hiatus in South Carolina and Arizona from 20 January 2009 until 17 June 2010, The Wal-Mart™/Waffle House™ Asshattery Springs Eternal Award for the State with the most pathetically clueless ‘pugtard politicians has come back home to Texas?

Whatever the awards are and who wins, one category has to be “Green Balloons – Class Act Award”. Or not.

Bordo

I have to go with the tandem of State Sen. Russell Pearce, the knuckle-dragging racist boob who sponsored SB 1070 in Arizona, and Gov. Jan Brewer, who recently opined that the only Messicans coming into the hot, brown square of hate that is her shitty fucking state were there as drug mules or thieves.

Joey Ratz

Two more:

Democratic Senators, for having a filibuster-proof 60 votes and still managing to fuck up the healthcare bill. While there’s a lot of individual blame to be assigned (Baucus, Landrieu and Bayh come to mind), nobody came out of that process looking good.

And, on a more fun note: Best Public Fight! I nominate this magnificent altercation between wingnut dipshits Debbie Schlussel and Cassy Fiano: http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/31822.html Another worthy nominee would be how NRO suddenly turned on Jim Manzi after he pointed out that anti-global warming screeds should probably contain a smidgen of facts.

GOPCrusher

The Denial Is Not Just A River In Egypt Douche Award: Brit Hume for “Where’s the oil?”

Dashboard_Buddha

Damn…how can I forget America’s Biggest Douchebag cop – Joe Arpaio?

S.Luggo

[re=609308]MarieDeGournay[/re]:
Reminds me the recent declaration by that pile porcine excrement, Limpbaugh, that rather than participate in the federally-subsidized summer school lunch program, kids should be taught how to dumpster dive for tasty morsels. He spoke from a lifetime of pratice.http://www.politicususa.com/en/limbaugh-dumpster-dive

The “I Don’t Understand This New-Fangled Microphone Technology” Award. I nominate that California legislator who was caught on tape bragging about his affair with a lobbyist. Probably Eric Massa as well just for agreeing to be interviewed on Glenn Beck.

Bordo

A group nomination for the cretins of Fox and Friends?

Bubberella

[re=609273]PabaBritannica[/re]: I was going to suggest an Ingenue Award for Up-and-Coming Assholes for Cuccinelli. Either that, or wackiest state AG award.

But only if David Vitter gets a special “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” award for his hobnobbing with hookers — just to be Fair And Balanced.

Golfing OJ

Like they did in Time magazine years ago:

The Disaffected Head-In-The-Sand Fuckhead Award goes to…

You.

The HOA steals homes from their owners.
Your response: “Tsk tsk.”

Beckhannityoreillycoulter tries to align ignorant and armed rednecks against semi-educated progressives in a final solution.
Your response: “I wonder if there are any Chips Ahoy left?”

An oil-slimed whale just died, and no politician will apologize for it. But a greased Texas Republican piece of dogshit just apologized to BP.
Your response: “Is there enough on the Amex to bring Grandma with us to Disneyworld?”

Legislation to allow natural gas drilling in upstate NY continues, on track to pass and poison millions, soon. Hope you like cancer.
Your response: “Someone really needs to do something, you know that? I mean, what the fuck?”

At this very moment, someone at Goldman Sachs is spending your former retirement fund on hookers.
Your response: “GET em, Taibbi! Fanned! And faved!”

Lara Logan, professional twat, scolds a journalist for practicing journalism.
Your response: “I dunno, my son can’t get a job at McDonalds, so maybe they’ll station him in Okinawa.”

How the fuck do you people just take it and take it.

martinette

I nominate the Great American Anonymous Web Commenter.

Oh no, I don’t mean us. We’re just political staffers venting or failed writers who like this format since web sites can’t issue rejection letters. Plus, it pays about the same when something gets published. Maybe some of us are even elected officials. (I’m talking to you, Tim Pawlenty.)

I mean THOSE GUYS. The ones who hide behind names like “SicSemperTyrannus4503”, “Nobama213”, “2ndAmtDude” or “Tucker Carlson”. The very lifeblood of internet news. The guys who generate the hits and run up the comment counts. The people who claim to have been born in 1990 but have amazing knowledge of events during the Jerry Ford presidency. The people for whom Politico was created.

The only people who really believe that eagles can shed tears.

Advn2rgirl

[re=609273]PabaBritannica[/re]: I second the Cooch’s nomination but there has to be an element that reflects that he’s the freakin’ Attorney General and should know better. How ’bout the “Not Atticus Finch” Award? The “Thurgood Marshall Is Whirling Like A Dremel” Award For Excellence In Litigation?

missevans

Oh, David Brooks pleeeze!

bago

You need a Goldberg award. This year we have at least two J. Goldbergs in the running.

PickneyPinchback

Jan Brewer! Jan Brewer! Jan Brewer!

For her ridiculous contortions to explain that a racist law is NOT racist, and her explanations of how “most” of those Messicans are drug dealers. Every time she speaks it’s like a gift.

The title of this award should be “I am not a racist but…” which is of course the perennial lead-in to all the most jaw-droppingly racist comments.

Okie Dokie Dog

I’m gonna stay in my own backyard and nominate Chera Kimiko – local FOX evening news anchor – for “baby talking the news and making smiley faces on good news and unsmiley faces on bad news”.

For “suckiest douchebaggiest” politician, I nominate Dan Boren, 2nd District Democrat, for representing all Republicans in the hell hole also known as the great state of Oklahoma. He is not some Eurotrash loving liberal lackey, oh no no no – he is a gun-toting, bible-pimping asswipe.

Dean Booth

Most Egregious Display of Scientific Ignornace: Joe Barton asking Secretary of Energy Steven Chu how there could be oil in Alaska and then laughing at the idea of plate tectonics. Barton then posted the video on his website, proud of how he had shamed the elitist Chu.

Dashboard_Buddha

[re=609479]martinette[/re]: Brilliant…absolutely brilliant. I think that given all of the other wonderful recommendations made here, this should surely be the winner. Just like Hitler couldn’t not have been powerful without the support of the people, Beck could not have been influential without the likes of Nobamadude@aol.com, et al.

You have won the afternoon, martinette.

nappyduggs

I would like to nominate both Twitter and Sarah Palin’s Facebook page for the “Public Discourse- It Has Come to This” and the “Holy Jesus Christ, We Are Just Cold Making Up English From Scratch” awards. Now, dearest Wonket, I know that you are on the Twitter, as am I. So, you know the score.

Terry

Wait, did anyone nominate that numb nuts councilman out in Arizona who objected to the races of the children in the mural at the local elementary school, then rallied the racist jerks in that area to harass the artists and kids? That guy deserves this award.

ArugulaTeleprompterz

I don’t know what to call the award because I work at a soul-sucking job that drains all creativity, but surely the Catholic Church generally and the Pope-Nazi in particular deserve some sort of Lifetime Achievement recognition for their rapey-time shenanigans.

PabaBritannica

[re=609571]ArugulaTeleprompterz[/re]: Actually, you might as well go ahead and name the Lifetime Achievement Award after the Catholic Church. No other organization probably has at least one thing you could nominate them based on every day for 2000 years.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

[re=609479]martinette[/re]: Oh now that’s just uncanny, how on earth could you know that for years I went to sleep on a bed of tear soaked rejection letters whose harsh words of professional condemnation clawed deep within my very soul a deep dark hole filled with nothing save bitterness and hatred.

Then I successfully ran for governor…

southern mark smith

[re=609192]bureaucrap[/re]: For that, I nominate the duo of George Stephanopolous and Rudy Giuliani for their “September 11, 2001 did not occur between Jan 20, 2000 and Jan 19, 2009” statement. Neither one ever really attempted to admit wrongdoing.

And Stepho meets the “pretends to be a progressive” criterion, because he, like Dick Morris, used to work for Clinton.

Slattenpat

The Final Nail In The Republican Coffin Award would have some stiff competition this year…

Republican: “Sarah Palin is super popular and the best hope we have to win back The White House in 2012!”
Sarah Palin: “Also such as you betcha jesus Trig also all of ’em, any of ’em hopey changey feminist god guns drill oil wharlgarbl!!!! Also.”
Republican: “Damn it.”

Cicada

I nominate Charles Hurt of the NY Post. He was named in the NY Post lawsuit, where it was alleged that he said “the Post’s goal is to destroy Barack Obama. We don’t want him to succeed”. His column is full of hyperbole and is a great argument for the death of old media. Plus he lives in D.C. and might actually attend this shindig.

Then there was the “Louisiana Purchase,” where this once great country slides into the sea of squalid debt, unable to make interest payments or pay out Social Security obligations, all the while handing out hundreds of millions of dollars in a state best known for its witchcraft and debauchery.”

Comparing Obama to Marie Antionette.
Choice quote: “In a modern twist of French fancy and Habsburg haughtiness, President Obama yesterday skipped town on thousands of tapped-out, ticked-off taxpayers, telling them instead he will send them to Mars.”

Give Andrew Brietbart an award, and by award I mean daily crank calls at 4am and endless pizzas delivered to his house.

martinette

[re=609599]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: Timmy! I knew it was you.

biscuits

ALSO Megan McCain’s twitter tata’s that know how to read.

Monsieur Grumpe

Most Prolific at Using the Constitution for Toilet Paper Award goes to Dick Cheney with John Yoo as a runner up.

history is a weapon

David Gregory and Chuck Todd.
David Gregory for weeping over his new set but promising not to fact check his guests on MTP (little known fact: stands for “Masterbate The Politician.”)
Chuck Todd for general douchery, but especially for blurting out that no real journalists work for MSNBC. I can’t find the source, but he was interviewing someone about the Israeli attack on the aid flotilla into Gaza and when the guest mentioned that most americans didn’t know about the Israeli blockade, Todd blurted out that no one there knew about it before this. Head smacking.

But really they deserve an award together, something like the two of them being turned into a two person human centipede where each of their mouths are sewn to the other’s anus because that is what they contribute to our society.

I’ve been following this all day and it occurs to me…there are too many of these asshats. And they’re all so good at being fubar’d. If we give a prize to one, it’s not fair to the rest. We should treat this like the Special Olympics – Everyone Wins!

and yes, we know sarah palin sucks, be more original, 29% of commenters.

chascates

Joe the Plumber for the ‘Voice on the Street Equals Wisdom’ award
Orly Taitz for the ‘Immigrants Bring Fresh Ideas’ award
Levi Johnson for the “Out of the Mouths of Babes’ award

And tie for the ‘Most Obnoxious State of the Union’ award to Arizona & Nevada.
(Tie for Second to both Texas & South Carolina.)

FlipOffResearch

Lara Logan for the “we said embed, not in bed” award for scolding impertinent real journalist Michael Hastings.

For America’s favorite zionofascist William Kristol, the crystal ball of inprescience for his worlds record streak of incorrect predictions.

Brindle Palin for the “abstain from sex until marriage, oh just fuck me” award for profiting from her out of wedlock child.

Binky Boinks Sheba

Just for the entertainment value, Rod Blagojevich, should get some sort of special award.

And for being responsible for everything that has been missed above, and then some, George W. Bush.

rocktonsammy

Trig.

“Amerika’s lil angel”

imissopus

[re=609062]I Heart Accuracy[/re]: Meh, we’ve had that system here in California since oh, I think the early 1900s. Perhaps some sort of category for “Dumbest Vote By The Ignorant Morans That Populate Our States” is in order? If so I nominate the tards in MA for voting for Scott Brown thinking that he was the key to stopping Obama’s communist revolution in its tracks.

Sacanagem

I nominate Larry Marchant for the category of “Least Convincing Portrayal of a Vagina Enthusiast by a Republican Political Operative”:

There’s nothing funnier than watching Truman Capote’s older brother claiming to be doing sexytime with a pretty young woman while petting an imaginary shih-tzu in his lap.

JooJoo Bee

[re=609074]Bearbloke[/re]: You’re drinking again. So sad.

Rotundo

[re=609712]FlipOffResearch[/re]: The Bill Kristol Oracle (Orifice) of Wisdom Award for the most incorrect prediction of the year? The Bill Kristol/Nostradumbass Prophecy Award? I like the sound of those.

XOhioan

@Sacanagem. Beat me to it!
Larry Marchant, a triple-dipped scumbag for a. being a lobbyist, b. falsely accusing your employer’s opponent of adultery, and c. being such a transparent ‘mo while doing so.

In the spirit of bi-partisan fairness, I’d also like to nominate Scott Lee Cohen, the steroid-abusing, girlfriend-stabbing, wife-raping (well, almost) Democratic nominee for Illinois Lieutenant Governor.

JooJoo Bee

[re=609510]Okie Dokie Dog[/re]: And for never getting her Dynel® wig on straight….

Zadig

The “Really, you’re retiring NOW? Might as well stick it out at this point, and die on national TV”, the “Enough wives to make Gingrich look like a family man” as well as the prestigious and record-breaking “Most time spent boring the nation in prime time” awards go to…

Come on, drumroll, please…

Having a little trouble with the envelope…

Oh fuck it, you already know who won! It’s Larry King! Come on down and get your trophy, you paleolithic senile fucker!

blinky_twinkie

I think there should be a category for additions to the lexicon, perhaps along the lines of the “George Orwell Memorial Ungood Word Salad Award.” The first recipient would of course be Sarah Palin, about whom and for whom the words “word” and “salad” were first used together.

Words

[re=609693]ordinaryperson[/re]: I agree w/you about Palin; she’s low-hanging fruit in this contest.

legalize everything

Best Fake War Story

huzzah

I nominate David Brooks for being so obviously, hilariously and tragically gay.

I don’t mean to be parochial, but it’s my world and y’all are just living in it, OK?

But I’d like to nominate the entire PG&E Corporation for their inspiring “Taxpayers’ Right To Vote” Prosposition 16 campaign in California this past cycle, which would have ensured the rights of all Californians to have PG&E as a monopoly forever and ever, just like we’re stuck with the deferred property tax bills from 1979 onward forever and ever. (The gist of it was to require a 2/3 vote for any government entity to get into any aspect of the energy business, from mandating you could put your solar panels on the grid to, say, buying power from a company other than PG&E. Dirty Nazi Communists wanted to take over California’s loveable, huggable energy monopoly.

It featured all the greatnesses of modern douchebaggery: fake astroturf Facebook pages (http://www.facebook.com/TaxpayersRightToVote?v=wall&viewas=1347134540) , quotations from editorials the company had itself written and inserted into the newspaper, citations of any kind of weird or wild government spending anywhere that had nothing to do with the actual proposition, and got every Trailer Park Betty and Jose Seispack who could be scared up by the local chamber of commerce or Airport Peace Officers’ Protective Association with just a few prods of Teapartyesque language to vote for this, to the surprising near-majority of 47% of the voters. Special kudos for linking the Prop into the Primary election where the only contested races were for GOP nominations. You are special, very special, PG&E, especially speaking from my seat as both a shareholder and ratepayer, where I got to pay twice.

So I propose PG&E Corporation be awarded the “THANK YOU SIR MAY I PLEASE HAVE ANOTHER Kevin Bacon Pre-Memorial (he’s not dead yet) Award for Excellent in the Field of Misleading Dumb Voters Into Voting Against Their Own Interests Thinking They’re Going to Protect Their Guns and Keeping Government Out of their Medicare and Social Security FOREVER OR ELSE”. The proposition may have lost, but the douchebaggery was exquisitely elegant, and, after all, this is a critics’ award, right, not one swayed by the mere fancy of public opinion?

Malketeer

Christ, these posts make me want to slit my wrists. Can we at least have an award for funnest Wonkette comment from the last year to balance the grinding hopelessness you fuckers are creating with your nominations? I call it: the EagleTears of Happy award!

Here’s a few from my personal Wonkette archive (oh yeah, like *you* don’t have one). Alas, I failed to save the atttributions, so authors will have to step up and claim responsibility for your masterpiece.

————-

the republican did articulate his points, he waved his arms alot. And at fox news that counts as a fact.

“Noted Italian exorcist” THAT SHOULDN’T BE A REAL THING THAT SOMEONE IS/DOES FOR A JOB.

The main thing is to live your life like a nervous fucking dog owned by a family of adult retarded people just yelling nonsense at all hours.

I already sensed that conservatives were bankrupt on issues, but portraying a problem with the formula “That thing you just fixed — how are you going to deal with it?” really sounds like the last ravings of a madman.

He acts like he just landed on earth and is really earnestly trying to learn our culture. I’m surprised Oldy McWalkingdeath wasn’t trying to eat a cat.

I think K-Lo and her computer share a common destiny…both will die from cookies.

The Bush DoHHS would right now be worried about breeding enough venomous serpents for everyone to handle.

Christ, if I ever got that fat, either my knees would buckle or a baby would fall out.

So, from what I gather, these people aren’t protesting actual higher taxes, per se, but the variously nefarious ways that all this monopoly money is possibly maybe being spent. Still impossible to get a single coherent statement of purpose, and this comes from the most articulate among them. The others just oink and fart.

And who could forget:

I pledge allegiance to Sarah Palin
And the flag with the snake on it
Even though I don’t know why.
And to the Shining City on a Hill That God gave us
When the Easter Bunny came out of the Ark.
One nation,
Jesus Jesus Jesus
And the rest of you atheists and Muslims
Go back to freakistan.
Amen.

mologna

How about “Most Audacious Trivialization of a Catastrophe”? Obviously there are lots of good candidates, but I’m going to have to give my vote to UNC basketball coach Roy Williams (why should politicos get all the hate? Surely we can spare some):

“Massage therapist told me, she said, ‘You know, coach, what happened in Haiti is a catastrophe. What you’re having is a disappointment.’ I told her that depends on what chair she was sitting in. Because it does feel like a catastrophe to me, because it is my life.”
-Roy Willams, February 10, 2010

Oldskool

[re=609782]mologna[/re]: Haha, you can set your calendar by him. If he’s openly weeping, its springtime.

Jason Mumpower, would-be wingnut speaker of the Tennessee House of Representatives, who showed up on the day of the vote assuming he’d win, He even had his family bible with him, but did not count on the treachery/disgust of a fellow Republican who colluded with Democrats to deny him the seat and the throne of wingnuttery.http://wonkette.com/405417/tennessee-wingnuts-foiled-by-democrats

In a Jar

I nominate John Edwards, whose rotting carcass is taking TWO YEARS to decompose. He represents everything that is weird and gross about modern American politics, from the waxy lips to the self-financed mock relationship with ‘real’ Americans to the inability to minimize his damage and just GO THE FUCK AWAY.

As a runner up, I nominate the rap group “Wolverines” for the “What Was Heard Cannot Be Unheard” category. These retards (revealed to Wonkette readers in this post http://wonkette.com/413985/world-net-daily-folks-release-crappy-white-people-rap-thing) managed to offend on multiple levels by employing a rare triumvirate of auto-tune, short bangs, and incoherent lyrics about pie-bakers and SEIU members. I STILL cannot read or hear the word ‘teleprompter’ without this song getting stuck in my head.

Kidshowbusiness

I think there should be a “Most Tanned Republican Leader” award, just so we can deny it to Boehner. He’ll be all excited, thinking he’s a shoo-in, then BAM!! Scott Brown walks away with the prize!

I Heart Accuracy

[re=609721]imissopus[/re]: Which reminds me… The Daryl Gates some people died, and that’s cool Award.

Words

[re=609790]BMK[/re]: Wait, he IS Lucifer…. a little redudant?

[re=609801]WickedWitch[/re]: From what I’ve observed, a tease to Both straights and gays… or was that your point?

.[re=609807]Kidshowbusiness[/re]: Boehner’s orange, I thought?

LindsayBluth

Can we please have a Devilbeast Christian award or a Most Rotten Piece of Human Filth Serving in State Legislator award and give it to Cynthia “Hunger can be a positive motivator” Davis of Missouri? I can think of so many other examples of her douchebaggery, although they haven’t all been limited to the past year. But that “Poor kids ought to work at McDonalds and quit bitching” comment was definitely recent, and worthy of recognition. If you need some back up reasons, take a look at every piece of anti-choice legislation that’s come through recently and her name is on it. A bill to make denying procreative sex with your husband be classified as an illegal partial birth abortion? Cynthia is 99% sure to be the cosponsor.

[re=609055]sanantonerose[/re]: Sounds like this award should be called the Pangloss Award, for in this, the best of all possible worlds, how could getting pregnant by your rapist be anything but the only and best outcome?

Lord Humungus

[re=609187]biscuits[/re]: Perhaps “Widest Stance Of The Year”? Has to go to Massa this year. Snorkling is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a coons age.

Also, there should be something for the Republican party, including Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck et al, for trying to drive this country into a depression, to further their political ends. Lets call it the “Amoral traitors waving the American flag for the advancement of stupidity” award.

BMK

[re=609810]Words[/re]: Wait, he IS Lucifer…. a little redudant?

Vampire Whisperer? Never mind then.

Lake Affected

The “wriggling in excrement” lady. I can’t be arsed to look her up, but there’s gotta be an award category like, “Here is a Hilariously Graphic Description of a Sex Act I Find Abhorrent, You Perverts.”

And although it’s only the first year, I don’t think a lifetime-achievement award for Tony Hayward would be out of line.

Lex

The American news media for the Partners in Crime award for suddenly deciding in 2004 to stop calling torture torture. Will Bunch elaborates: George Bush and Dick Cheney “were America’s leaders, they tortured, and they got away with it. And newspapers and other journalists drove the getaway car.”

I Am Not Your Gary Busey

[re=609827]Ultraspanked[/re]: Lurk moar.

Tommmcatt

PLEASE BE CREATIVE and don’t just say the same old Fox News blowhards or whatever. We’re looking for fresh rotting meat, and we’re looking for specific examples of douchery.

Ooh, so much work. Can’t I just make fun of Rush Limbaugh for being obese and leave it at that? I’m tired…

pussycat

A minor player on the stage but Anna Davalantes of Faux Noise Chicago for claiming that libraries are a waste of tax payers’ money. Classic Fox News message, shitty writing and I’ve seen better research methodologies at the bottom of the toilet after a hard night of guinness and that three am curry which seemed like such a good idea at the time.

Category: ‘Destroy the Socialisms’ or whatever Fox News category that makes you happy.

I need to lie down.

I_Like_Tigers

Wow, Rand is winning over Alvin? But… Alvin uses his dad’s phone line and house. Rand at least, allegedly, has a house. Also, what is cool about Alvin will be his FUTURE AWESOME SPEAKING GIGS. Sound unlikely? It happened to Palin. I can just imagine Alvin offering contrarian viewpoints on how to get elected at a Campaigns and Elections conference. He may even usher in an entirely new campaigning style – extensional mind over ballot domination. Awesome.

Libbygirl

[re=609781]Malketeer[/re]: I am so glad to see someone else is stuffing a hard drive with these fabulous quotes from the Wonkette community.
I am not alone