When you got to go on the Buzz Lightyear ride 10 times in a row without waiting in line or when you were cruising around with your portable DVD player or when you hung out in the dugout with Cal Ripken talking about Pokemon or when David Ortiz gave you one of his bats or when you got to meet President Clinton and then played with his dog, Buddy or when you would get so many presents on your birthday, someone always would say, "Gee, that kid is so lucky." You were fortunate and you understood that. But I still wanted everyone to know that you really weren't all that lucky. And in the end, we didn't get the luck that mattered.

Your cousins are coming over on the 25th. We'll go over to Stoddert and release balloons that say "Henry Forever." We'll make sure no birds eat them. Mom a.k.a. "The Queen of Party Bags" has outdone herself. You inspired Mom and she had a lot of fun doing it. I'll probably take pictures of everyone who comes over for your birthday to put up here. That will be terribly sad. It is funny because I thought your party last year, when it had to be just you and Jack with no friends or family, was the saddest thing ever. I never thought we'd be facing a birthday party without the birthday boy.

I hope you know that one of my most favorite things ever was doing stuff that made you smile. I still see things and think "Henry would have loved that" or "Henry would have loved to do that" or "Henry would have really liked this person." I never needed the excuse of a birthday to buy you something, but Mom and I had a good time going overboard for your birthday all the same. Maybe I'll indulge myself and get you a little something for the 25th. I can leave it at the cemetery or something, I don't know.

I'm listening to a song right now and the singer is singing, "I work day and night loving you."

The days are starting to get terribly hard again. I don't know how to live without your hugs.