This Old Man Came Rolling Home

A Winnipeg man who turned an East Kildonan garage into an impromptu passion pit paid a stiff price yesterday for his heavy petting session with a stuffed toy dog.

The 27-year-old man pleaded guilty to mischief and break, enter and theft and was sentenced to six months in jail.

Court heard Winnipeg police were called shortly before 6 p.m. on March 26 after a Chelsea Avenue resident spotted the man breaking into her garage. The man exited the garage a short time later and moved on to a neighbour’s garage, where he stole a lawn mower, a mountain bike, a blanket and a stuffed toy dog.

The man eventually returned to the first garage, where police found him nearly two hours later passed out inside a boat.

“He was lying there with his genitalia exposed next to the stuffed dog,” said Crown attorney John Peden. “While the police report doesn’t describe it this way, the dog might be appropriately characterized as now being anatomically correct, as opposed to its condition before he removed it.”

I can’t even begin to understand what that means. It sounds like he fucked a stuffed toy, but no one would do that, right?