The 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days couples are getting to know each other, and a new fishy character enters the mix. Which couples will hit it off?

Darcey and Jesse

We kick things off with Jesse and Darcey, who are getting the party started in Amsterdam. Darcey is ecstatic, because Jesse is supermodel handsome, and she has a real shot at scoring a ring. Jesse blindfolds her before entering their balloon scattered love-nest — the decor offering a nice distraction from Darcey’s continuous stream of marriage quips. Jesse is immediately annoyed by her luggage demands, but is patient with her pushy comments. We later join the couple for a vigorous bike ride, which Darcey pretends to enjoy. They take off, and Jesse orders his jet-lagged houseguest to get the lead out, and quit acting middle-aged. Darcey does her best, until she loses control and almost hits an innocent bystander. Darcey wasn’t prepared for a bike drill, and is a bit surprised that Jesse is so energetically bossy.

Jesse declares that nothing says chaos like America, but secretly wonders if Darcey’s ricocheting demeanor is her normal energy. Darcey continues to beat Jesse senseless with engagement hints, even flaunting a mock-rock — bought to symbolize their long distance romance. Darcey loves wearing sparklers on her “love hand” — and just in case you missed it — hopes that Jesse will come through with the real deal. Darcey screams “PROPOSE” in Jesse’s face, but Jesse’s abs aren’t into quickie engagements. American couples crash and burn too often, and Darcey can barely bike a straight line. They agree that they need to get to know each other better, while Darcey points out the perfect wedding venue. The couple later heads out to dinner, and Darcey insists on wearing her escalator chewed stilettos — against Jesse’s direction. She can’t walk far, annoying Jesse — who continues to blather elementary cultural analysis. Darcey pushes him to make their heartbeats Facebook official, but Jesse declines. Darcey declares Jesse a mystery, but Darcey is desperately transparent. The episode ends with an awkward bedtime scene, complete with a pink robe, and makeup smeared pillowcases. Jesse prefers the natural look, making his faux-everything pick, quite a head-scratcher.

Paul and Karine

We check in with hairball Paul, who is still sitting curbside, worried sick that his spammy girlfriend might not show. We meet Karine, 21, for the first time, and see where she lives. She chats with her mother about finally meeting her dream American, and admits that the language barrier could be a problem. She walks down to meet Paul with her sister, and the couple has an emotional first meeting. Karine smells perfect, and Paul is thrilled — but they can’t communicate their joy. Paul whips out his trusty app, and they text a few giggles. They ride back to Karine’s home in the back of a pickup, and Paul gets his first look at the primitive town. Paul and his luggage are set to meet Karine’s grumpy dad, and he is nervous.

Cortney and Antonio

There’s a new couple on the block, an Orlando woman named Cortney, 26, and a mystery texter named Antonio. Cortney was unlucky in love, so she quit her job to travel the world, searching high and low for an uncorrupt love-culture. She trolled for men along the way, and linked up with Antonio, in Spain. Antonio is sweet, amazing, and great at giving compliments. Antonio has been dodging Skype-sessions, and the couple has not yet spoken on the phone. Nevertheless, their exciting passion is red-hot, and Cortney is ready to commit to his sexy photos. Cortney is going to Spain for three weeks, but her parents are concerned that Antonio is a fake. Cortney’s mom’s eye is about to explode with stress, but the duo’s Instagram/SnapChat connection will not be denied. Her parents are wide-eyed and nervous, and clearly know that their daughter is a naive ditz. Cortney says that she would be “devastated” if Antonio was a fish — because he has restored her faith in love via social media. Cortney shares her concerns, while her parents chant “danger” under their breaths — shooting the camera panicked looks. We later see Cortney with her pals, who titter and snicker over her friend’s faux dreamboat. The girls are concerned, but are hoping for the best. When asked about Cortney’s track record, the girls burst out laughing, clearly answering the question. Cortney has been catfished before, but believes that invisible Antonio is the real deal. One of the girls phone-stalks Antonio, and discovers some porny pics. The plot thickens.

Sean and Abby

We check in with Sean, who is arriving at Abby’s prepared love den, after arriving in Haiti. Sean is over the moon, but Abby appears less than enthused. Abby’s ex, Chris, is still in the picture, and Sean is suspicious. Sean hauled over $2.5k worth of clothing for Abby to hawk — and can’t wait to share his panty explosion. The undie-flood works, invitinghappy smiles from the Haitian hustler. Sean reveals that he has blown $12k on the uncertain romance. However, Sean knows that Abby’s worth it, because he feels inspired and her smooches are priceless. Abby is thrilled that Sean flew to Haiti to get to know her, and that she won’t have to sleep alone — not in that order. Sean professes his love, and Abby chokes out a response, squelching an involuntary cringe. Sean’s Caribbean goddess is the one, but until Abby spills the tea about shady Chris — Sean’s heart is not safe.

Next week, we meet another couple, Cortney leaves for Spain, and Paul demands an STD/pregnancy test from his Brazilian dream girl/whore. Don’t miss it!

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I am a coastal girl who loves the outdoors, and writing about the sneaky and silly side of reality TV. My bio is short, but my snark is endless, and I love writing for the sharpest posters in the world. Follow me on Facebook

I do not think it is fake at all …. the Little Skanks of LA ATL and DALLAS are fakes, with the exception of Mutt Grundhoofer who is a bonafide pervert and abuser and his dirtbag wife Briana … it amazes me that TLC keeps these two on when Mutt was first busted for sending dic pics to other women and she stays married to him

Sandy Wood

Darcey, Darcey delusional Darcey. I am cringing with 2nd hand embarrassment for her. Just imagine what her daughters will feel when they see this.
Coyly asking him to change his facebook status…is she 16 yrs. old?
She allegedly showered but managed to keep her face and wig dry? Very pretty bedding Jesse has, I don’t blame him for asking her to remove the makeup.

Jennymckitty

Hopefully Darcey’s daughters will watch and learn first hand how not to land a romantic interest. How can a 40 year old be so clueless? And I’ll be shocked if she is really only 40. Jesse is too mature for her.

chacha1

How embarrassing for her daughters

Jennymckitty

Doubt this is the first time they’ve been embarrassed by her.

chacha1

I noticed how Jesse is a little obsessed with smells LOL Darcy really is a skank and by the end of this episode I could see Jesse was thinking “what did I get myself into”

Sandy Wood

I don’t see how he can last 6 weeks with her blatant pressure for a commitment from him.
He may be motivated by her association with the fashion industry, with the hope of furthering his modeling career. If they do last long enough for him to make it to the US, it won’t be long until he starts asking her to move to NYC or LA for his career. I don’t even think he’s good looking and those model shots of him seem gross.

chacha1

I watched it again and I see what you mean, he is very gross, mean and controlling …. he must be a loser to hook up with her ….. here we go again, a different version of Mahammit and Dan-yellll

Sandy Wood

I think we can safely tag her Desperation Darcey.

Sandy Wood

Paul in his his dirty, droopy drawers. He had a cabin on the ferry, why didn’t he change into clean jeans.
He should have tossed a few boxes of Nice and Easy in his footlocker, Karine has 2 inches of roots showing. What was with the pat, pat, pat on her back when they first embraced…looked like he was burping a baby.

Jennymckitty

Paul…”The best way to describe this is its like a third world country”. What a moron. Where did he think he was going? Paul has like 200 boxes for condoms so he can pee without getting an infection. Possibly he can use them for their intended purpose and not worry about getting Karine tested. Where would one go to get STD checks in that village?

Sandy Wood

Paul is seriously lacking in social graces. He travels for days, sits and frets for maybe an hour wondering if she will show up and when she does, doesn’t remove his butt from the stone wall he’s perched on until she is right up to him.
I expected some enthusiasm, he could have taken a few steps to greet her when he saw her approaching.

Reillypie

Yet again Sandy, I noticed the same thing! Get UP man- show some enthusiasm and be a gentleman! Wish we could watch together : )

Sandy Wood

Welcome Reillypie, this is a great bunch of observers on this site. I feel that we are all watching together.

chacha1

he probably brought a case of EPT sticks with him

Reillypie

OH wow I noticed all of that too. But the patting, all he needed to add was ‘now ,now.. it’ll be alright”. It was odd. I don’t think he’s had much contact with women in his past.

chacha1

Pathetic Paul swiping away at all the bugs with his covered hands …. he really looked like he had a bad case of swamp ass….

Sandy Wood

He’ll probably have a very severe case of swamp ass when Karine’s father finds out he wants her to take a pregnancy and std test before he dips his dirty dick.

chacha1

OMG Sandy I have corrupted you …. “dips his dirty dick” Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Sandy Wood

Not corruption at all…inspiration… and relief to find soul sisters on these threads.

SassyPants

AHAHAHAHAHA, omg. dead lol

Jennymckitty

Great recap, Beach. Courtney is….uhm….a special little snowflake. The ditz has been catfished before. How can she not see that this is a catfish. How on earth did she manage to travel abroad without parental supervision and not wind up a sex slave?

Sandy Wood

The thing with Courtney is that she looks normal, until she opens her mouth.
When she was seated at the kitchen table with her parents, her mother’s neck was beet red, a very big clue that she was repressing what she really wanted to say. I guess she is not a minor and has her own resources to pay for travel, but as a parent, I would be staging an intervention.

Jennymckitty

The good thing is she is going with the TLC crew. Mom is probably counting on them to save Courtney safe and get her home.

chacha1

Am I right? didn’t she say she never met him even when she was in Spain, and she did say he will only text her ….. I would be scared if it weren’t for TLC crew ….

Sandy Wood

Huge red flags here, even Meri Brown had voicemails and phone conversations. She was confident enough that she had a live wire she sent back banana and bathtub pix and look how that turned out.
Cortney has never heard of once bitten twice shy.

chacha1

How could we forget Meri Brownhole having an affair with a banana LOL

Trippinhhard

Dang BeachSpin I missed it again..But girl you do justice to all these crazy ass people.. if I’m going to be made a fool of, I just assume do it in America.. Because all these people seem slow in the head and dumb as Dora.. lmao

chacha1

Hi Trippinhard …. you have got to see this group of morons looking for love in all the wrong places LOL

Trippinhhard

I will binge on it when I get a chance, have a medical emergency going in right now..😎😎😎😎😎😎 I’m a fighter, but sometimes I think why me Lord.. How heavy is my back?

chacha1

Take care my cyber friend and keep fighting … ((( )))

Trippinhhard

Thank you Chacha, I know this too shall pass, I’m going to fight it with everything in me.. I think you know what I mean.. (((())))

chacha1

Jesse better be careful Darcy is morphing into Danielle. Darcy is pathetic and desperate, on her first day there she wanted a diamond, , a proposal, and if she could a wedding the next day ….. he is very controlling and already irritated with the moron, yet I wonder if he has all his marbles, why would a good looking man hook up with a loser like Darcy who could be his mother and is not attractive at all … … If he wants to come to the US there are girls like Cortney, looking for love in all the wrong places …. SMDH

Sandy Wood

Cortney and Jesse would be an ideal match. She is naive enough that he could mold her into his ideal woman. She doesn’t seem to wear excessive makeup and I’ll bet she knows how to ride a bike. Maybe they’ll meet up on the reunion show and live happily ever after.

chacha1

now that would be a great story line

chacha1

Poor Pathetic Paul, he is a hot mess and a little bit scary, Karina is a cute little girl and had on a pretty white dress …. I just don’t get this at all but I cannot stop watching this show ..

Sandy Wood

Just because I love me some alliteration:—
Poor Pathetic Paul Prepared himself for the Perils of Penile Parasites.

chacha1

only if he applies it “delicately” like the doctor told him LOL I mean really, did the doctor think he would apply it with a viciousness that could knock him unconscious ? hmmm maybe the doctor knows him better than we think and that is why his instructions to apply the condom was so precise Hahahahaha

Sandy Wood

Haaahaa, I guess the instructions for application were after the physical exam.

SassyPants

I know I am a bit late to comment but your recaps are killing me hahahaha. I laughed so hard I cried. Recently has some major surgery so your recaps have been good laughing medicine for me. Seriously love your humor!

Sandy Wood

So THAT’s why you have been MIA all summer. We have seriously missed your humor.
Hope your recovery is complete and long lasting. Gentle hugs to you my friend. (((0_0))).