Hi, friend!

Welcome to The Big Family Home! I’m Amy. I like talking with God, candles, magazines, movie nights, the beach, big cities, big ideas, quaint little towns, and pretty much anything new. I am a wife and a mom of six kids who is trying to evolve into the calm, confident person I want to bring to my dinner table every night.

Evolving + Growing

Mar 4

Mar 4 The Messages I Tell My Son as He Grows Into The Man God Made Him to Be

Last week, I posted some practical tips and observations I’ve learned after parenting little boys for the last eight years. If you missed that post, you can find it here.

While the last post was more practical, I find that I’m able to put those tips into practice more effectively when I keep a long range view of who God is growing my boys into being.

So here are some broader things we tell our boys as they’re getting older. We say them often, hoping that if they hear these things enough, it will shape their choices and thinking.

Your gifts are not for you. God has made each of us with our own set of talents and skills, and yours are extraordinary. You can never take these gifts for granted; they come with a responsibility. Not everyone gets what you’ve got!

But the kicker is, God didn’t give you your special athletic ability or intelligence or magnetic smile (I know I sound just a little biased) just for giggles. He gave you all these gifts so that you use them for His glory and for the service of others. In fact, Jesus talked about this in Luke 12:48 when He said “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.” God gave you these special abilities because He TRUSTS you to use them for His purposes!

Developing self-control is essential. As contradictory as it sounds, self-control will make your life more enjoyable. You are entitled to all your feelings, but you have to find acceptable outlets for those feelings.

{Here’s where being a boy-mom gets tricky for me: I have to remind myself that they’re not always going to want to talk about their feelings!}

There will always be someone who frustrates you, and you have to learn ways to deal with your frustrations without harming them with your words or your body. No matter what the frustrating person (now it’s your little brother or older sister, but later it will be someone you work with) has done, your reaction to him/her is YOUR responsibility. Make sure you respond in a way that you can be proud of, and that involves using self-control.

God tells us that it’s in your own best interest to develop self-control. His word says, “A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls” (Proverbs 25:28). In other words, losing your self-control leaves you vulnerable and open to attack. Vulnerability is not bad when you choose it, but be careful not to let all your walls be broken down just because you’re not using self-control to keep them up. Protect yourself by staying calm and in control of yourself.

Get used to being different. Please never use the argument with us that so-and-so’s parents let him have or do __________. This matters NONE to us. We have a big family with many constraints on all of our resources, and that is actually going to benefit you in the long run. We’re so happy that you are growing up with the innate knowledge that our family—and you—are set apart from the norm.

Later, this knowledge will help you get comfortable with not going along with the crowd when their choices don’t reflect God’s plan for you. And it will help you be confident in proceeding when He puts a dream in your heart that’s different from what other young adults are doing. Being different is a good thing; we are all unique in our own ways, because God calls all of us to do different things. Embrace it! Don’t try to be like everyone else!

“So set yourselves apart to be holy, for I am the Lord your God.” (Leviticus 20:7)

The little decisions matter. They matter, because the little decisions are what make up the majority of your life.

The seeds of good deeds become a tree of life (Proverbs 11:30)

It’s much easier to do the right thing in the big decisions, like not murdering or stealing. But it’s much harder to make the right small decisions every day, like admitting that you didn’t do your homework or picking up a piece of trash instead of walking past it.

The little decisions of your life all add together to form your character, and ultimately who you are as a man. Be someone who does the right thing even when nobody’s looking. Don’t be a boy who cheats on his paper or a man who cheats on his taxes, even if nobody will ever know. God knows.

Always treat females with kindness and respect. You absolutely may not say mean things about your sisters’ appearances. This also goes for relating to any other girl you know. Your job is to respect them enough to keep your opinions about their bodies, face, hair, etc to yourself. Rudeness to any of your friends is not okay, but rudeness to girls is worse; and it’s rude to make comments about girls’ appearances.

Above all else, you may never EVER hit or kick girls. Even your sisters who are currently twice your size are to be protected and cared for, not hit. Men of God do not hit women.

Sometimes it feels like these instructions aren’t sinking in, almost like they don’t even hear me. They still brag about their talents, ask for whatever shiny new toy their friends have, and sometimes even hit their sisters. And many times I deliver the messages in the wrong way, without as much patience as I’d like.

But I’m hoping that with God’s help, we will eventually see the fruit from planting these seeds! I noticed with disciplining our oldest son, for years it felt like a struggle until finally—one day—we noticed that it didn’t. Hopefully these more abstract messages will eventually sink in the same way…

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:9

What messages do you feel are most important to impart to your boys? Where did those messages come from, and who do you hope your son(s) are growing into being? I’d love to connect with you about the challenging and rewarding work of raising boys to grow into Godly men! Please feel free to email me or send me a message on Instagram to share your thoughts and best messages for your boys.