A reader of

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Commenting pro tip: The easiest way to comment on such a long post is to open the post in two windows (really easy if you use Google Reader). Comment in one and scroll the covers in the other. That’s actually how I comment on other people’s reviews too. I can’t remember all my comments by the time I get to the box!

Thoughts: This guy looks like Kili! You can tell he has dark secrets, because he holds his leather-gloved hand in a menacing position. Also, note the handprint of doom behind him and the RED LIGHTNING of warning.

Thoughts: See what I mean! You only need to use either Texas OR Cowboy in your title. Both is totally redundant. I’m also glad that they specified this is an American Romance. I’d forgotten Texas wasn’t in Mexico, so PHEW.

Thoughts: Model: “I saw you eat the last brownie from the food table. I was waiting until after I worked so I wouldn’t look fat in the picture and you freaking SCAMMED ON MY BROWNIE. I will kick your ASS.”

Thoughts: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Also, I’m running on the assumption that if CC let another person’s name be on here, Lewis actually did ALL of the writing. This is the assumption I make with James Patterson too.

Thoughts: This…is not as pretty as I was hoping. I think my biggest issue might be the way she’s leaning back. Or maybe the mist. Or the fact that she’s clearly holding Leo DiCaprio’s mask from The Man in the Iron Mask.

US vs. UK: The UK cover looks like the poster for the inevitable movie adaptation. But it’s rocking that J.K Rowling blurb. I like how her name is bigger than the authors’ names. They’ve got to sort out their priorities. Winner: US. Pirate house + shark = awesome sauce.

US vs. UK: oddly, for the UK audio, they went for a different narrator in cover. They went for the same color scheme, but a WAY different model who is apparently trying to stare her way up to Level 3. Felicia, the MC, is described as looking like the girl on the US cover, so who the eff is this? Winner: US.

US vs. German: Guys, I love both of these, and, actually, the German cover fits the book much better (at least the part I’ve read so far), but you cannot beat the US cover for sheer gorgeousness. Winner: US.

Thoughts: In an effort to reverse the sexism of science fiction/fantasy covers, some totally badass authors posed for shitty covers gender swap fashion. Now, you may want to scrub your eyes out with bleach after you see this, but you’ll also want to give them a high five. Or at least, I know I do. Jim Hines posed for more. Check those out here.

3. He has an invisible David Bowie Crystal Ball in that menacing hand. 😀

9. It is a good indie cover, but it makes me uncomfortable. I think it’s all of the warm colors. *shudders*

13. *chokes* Bahahahahaha!

16. Is that a duck face or too much Botox?

17. I think this is the worst angel that I have ever seen. Is this really not self-pubbed?

18. If she’s going to have a black leatherish dress, she should have a knife. >.<
23. If his reputation precedes him (as stated in the tag line), then why don’t I know who the hell he is?
28. I like it! If I had the face for it, I would chop off all my hair and wear it in exactly that style! I like the dress a lot, too.
CB3. Didn’t they do the cereal thing in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?

CB4-6. I wish they would lose the designs around the damn font.

CB8. I think the UK model is strung out on drugs. I’ll put money down that her lips are numb.

WTFs. Those were painful.

WotW. That is beyond fantastic. Yes, I may be scarred for life, but it is fantastic all the same.

I agree the Tina Connolly one isn’t as pretty as I was hoping. I loved the first one, but this one is just ok. Also, there’s another Rae Carson short?! Really? I feel as if that’s enough. I mean, I like her novels, but two pre-novel novellas seems excessive. She should have done a 1.5, you know?

I absolutely adore Jim C. Hines badassery! He’s been posting to emphasize sexism on the covers for couple of years already, and you should see his post on ridiculous female armor in fantasy art as well – it’s awesome. However what he did this time was for charity (a rare deadly disease which affect little girls, but I don’t remember the name) and his readers donated almost $20,000 – this picture is the final promise, and when I saw it it absolutely made my day. Freaking fantastic.

Also 11, 26, 27, 28 are my favorite covers in this cover snark edition – gorgeous, even the red wings on Ian Tregillis cover – it just looks so noirish… And I snagged a redhead from your post as usual! 🙂

LMAO. Girl, these posts get funnier and funnier. Your comments make me giggle! I did add a few of these to my GR list, despite their sometimes rather unfortunate covers. Let’s hope what’s within is better than what’s on the outside!

1. Is that a volcano? It looks like waves that are made of lava like substance.2. Her hair could be getting reclaimed by the hay/grass, it does blend well.3. THE HANDPRINT! It scares me.4. and 5. Where else do cowboys come from?6. Is that a shadow spider coming out of that dream catcher? Why?7. I like the white, but the kiss is way awkward.11. I kinda <3 the giggle inducing tagline12. So is the misguided heart the one on her foot or the one the top of his ass makes?13. Not a good font pick at all O.o17. MY EYES!!!18. I want the body so I can rock that dress! It’s gorgeous!25. Maybe one of them is giving the other their last breath to keep the other alive! (makes it a little more interesting…)