One of the hardest things we do in our life is say that we are sorry. Saying sorry is an admission of guilt and an opportunity for reconciliation.

The fact that guilt is something people do not accept as part of our life is what keeps most from going through the cleansing process of an apology.

An apology opens a conversation for give and take. An apology makes the person receiving it stop to take in the knowledge that they were vindicated. This process itself is healing for the person receiving the apology.

What it does for the person saying, “I am sorry”, is a cleansing that only comes with acknowledging a hurt inflicted whether with or without intention.

If we go through life hurting others without remorse or apology, it creates a hardness in the spirit and a growing of hatred for our fellow humans. We become sociopaths, critical of everyone, never realizing our part in the drama surrounding us.

As children we were taught to say sorry for pushing a friend, or taking away a toy when it was not our turn, or kicking someone on the playground. As children we knew that there were consequences to our behavior and if you were “not nice” to your friends, they will eventually stop playing with you.

It is the same concept with adults, if you do not play nice with your fellow adult, they will not play at all with you.

An apology cools the hottest anger and soothes the most irritated soul. An apology will bring things into perspective. An apology is a way to temper the ego and keep it from imploding.

There are consequences associated with an apology. On the one hand you may receive a warm reception and a kind response. That of course is the ideal response and the one we all hope for.

On the other hand, you may be rebuffed and rejected with a harsh word or two. In that case, you have done what clears your mind and ease your spirit. The rest is left to Karma to take care of and allow life to teach that person when they are in the same position sometime in their life.

Christmas Eve is here. Steve and I are in Hawaii. My husband has wished for a Hawaiian Christmas since he was 6 years old. Now, we are here. Forty four years later, we are here.

My daughter, Nadya, who is a First Sergeant in the Marine Corps, is making Christmas Eve dinner for her Marines. Steve and I are honored to be part of this celebration. We are with these courageous men and women, who lay their life down for us every day.

Nadya made an incredible turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and lots of goodies.

Merry Christmas Eve to all. I hope that you are where you have always wanted to be this Christmas Eve of 2010.

“I can’t help it. Am I supposed to stand here and take it? Am I supposed to allow everyone to walk all over me?”

We have all heard this call to arms. We have all heard this false untrue expletive from people we know and care about. The idea that one person is being “picked on” and treated unfairly is as old and older than the Cinderella story.

Only lately it has become the theme song for many people. They feel down trodden and used and abused. When you dissect what these people are saying and when you talk to them more closely, you find out that the main issue is that they are not getting what they want out of life and choose to blame everyone else for their short comings.

The idea that someone cannot help their behavior is an archaic idea that has been around for eons. This is not new and it is not endearing. The thought that we are so out of control and so angry at a situation that we lash out at the least likely people we should lash out against is a pathetic idea for living.

If you are angry and you cannot control your words and actions, quit the place, leave the room, absentee yourself until you can get it together and then communicate with your fellow humans. There is no excuse for cruelty and hateful words. Some of which could injure a soul without foreseen remedy.

On the whole it would be a much better world to live in if each one of us made sure that we are not hurting someone else instead of going after people we think have hurt us. Even if someone did hurt us, it is probably more useful to work on ourself and find out what it is that person could have said that could affect us to that extent.

Either way each one of us would be better served if we use some introspection and self evaluation instead of blame and condescension.