Date: Sun, 12 Mar 2000 21:43:07 MST
From: DJs Tale
Subject: Forever 60-61
Author's Notes (DON'T SKIP THESE THIS TIME)
-------------------------------------------
I wanted to let everyone know that, short as it is, this will
probably be my last post for about two weeks. I'm leaving my current
home on Friday, for good, and this week's jammed with stuff to get done.
In other words, the next time DJ posts a spot of 'Forever', he'll
actually be living in the same city as Kev ;-) Spooky thought, huh?
Disclaimer
----------
The story contained here is entirely in the (possibly unbalanced)
mind of its author. As much as I might like to bear Kevin's children (which
would be nothing short of a miracle), I have no idea if he or any of the
other BSB is actually gay. Now that Kevin's engaged, I have a good idea
that he's not. If any of the BSB read this story and are offended, they
should certainly exercise their right to free speech and e-mail me to
complain all about it. Readers should enjoy the fantasy, but remember
that reality may be (and probably is) dramatically different.
Don't read this little tale of love if you're too young where you
live. Don't read this little tale of love if it's illegal where you live.
If either of those two things applies to where you live, I recommend that
you MOVE!!! (I hear Florida's a pretty nice place!!)
And now...'Forever'...
Chapter 60
I dropped into my recliner, totally and completely drained. I
almost hadn't survived the drive back to Tampa. There were a few times
when I'd nearly fallen asleep at the wheel.
I had spent the last three days in Orlando with Kevin. We'd
never left his house, but we'd never really had any real desire to go
anywhere.
The reporters had been gone the next morning, at least from
Kevin's front lawn. I'd figured that either a neighbor had called the
police or Kev's managers had finally gotten off their butts and done
something about it.
It had been an exhausting weekend. Kevin had been constantly up
and down the first day, crying one minute and laughing the next. It
was disturbing to see him like that. He'd always been so steady, so
stable.
But, we'd managed to get through it, and, by Saturday, he'd been
a little closer to normal. He'd done a lot of brooding, thinking about
what was to come. But, he'd never apologized to me again the whole
time we were together, and neither had I to him.
He'd talked to his family finally. They weren't as supportive as
I'd hoped they would be, but they didn't condemn him, so I guess that
was a start. He needed whatever help he could get.
I'd spent the whole weekend trying to put up a strong front for
him. I had felt it was important for him to know that I could be there
for him as he'd been there for me in the past.
Brian had spent most of Saturday with us, joined that night by
Nick, Howie, and AJ. We'd watched movies and hung out, basically just
forgetting all about the problems that might be coming on the other
side of the door.
And problems were coming. The news had continued to carry
information about Kev coming out. The local news didn't really say all
that much new information, but MTV was all over the story. They had
begun to carry fan reactions on Friday and continued it through the
weekend.
Reaction was mixed, to say the least. A lot of the fans admitted
that they were disappointed, but that they probably wouldn't stop
listening to BSB music.
It seemed like the younger fans took the news the hardest, but
were also the most open-minded about Kev and I. They do say that kids
tend to be flexible. It would remain to be seen, however, just how
long that open-minded attitude lasted. The world could teach some
harsh lessons to kids.
A number of people in the music industry had come forward to show
support. Some of the divas like Shania and Mariah had released
statements to the effect that they believed that Kev had done the right
thing, and that they hoped the fans would stick by the group. Some of
the other pop-style groups like `NSync and Christina Aguilera also made
similar statements. Even Marilyn Manson had stated that, while he
couldn't respect the guys' music, he respected the balls Kev had in
going against the `f**ked up laws of society'. That was kind of a two-
edged blessing, I think.
The flip side to the good had begun to show up more on Saturday.
More of the family values groups had begun to make their presence
known, then. The verbal war had started.
The gist was that the BSB were a corrupting influence. They had
insinuated themselves into the lives of millions of `young persons',
pretending to be good, spiritual, clean-cut examples of wholesome
American values. That deception had been revealed, of course, when
Kevin came out. Now, they would be leading all those millions of young
people astray through their poor example and Kevin's `morally bankrupt'
leadership.
I wasn't sure how they'd come up with all of that, but they did.
Normally, I would've thought such rampant paranoia was amusing.
Unfortunately, it was hitting a lot closer to home this time, which
took all the amusement out of it. And, it hurt Kev so much to hear
things like that said about him.
And then there was Mr. Phelps. The Rev. Fred Phelps, I believe
his name was. He was based somewhere in Kansas or Iowa or some middle-
of-the-country place like that. He'd launched a grass roots campaign
to drive the BSB from the public eye.
They mentioned him on the evening news on Saturday. He was one
of those fire-and-brimstone types that believed that all gays should be
crucified and left to die, preferably somewhere that would be very,
very painful. I remembered him from the fact that his `love group' had
actually gone to Matthew Shepard's funeral in Wyoming to protest when
the young gay man was beaten to death. I'd always considered that
extremely tacky. I don't care what your opinion, protesting at
someone's funeral is just NOT right.
So, the storm was brewing. It looked like, for the most part,
things MIGHT work out ok. The fans seemed to be sticking to the guys,
as did their fellow musicians. If that could be kept up over the next
few weeks and months, the guys had a good chance of pulling this whole
thing off.
The problem would probably be the parents. The groups like Focus
on the Family that would be out there protesting, working to get the
group banned from performing, trying to get kids to stop listening. It
was difficult to say how much they would hurt the guys.
And now, I was home. The Firm had decided that Kevin and the
guys needed to do some good-will appearances around the country. For
one, it would give everyone a chance to gauge what the personal
reactions to Kev's presence would be. For another, it got them out
into the spotlight again, keeping focus on the group.
Personally, although I didn't voice the opinion, I also thought
they might want to separate Kevin and I. If they could keep us apart,
then the focus on our relationship would be reduced. I was giving them
the benefit of the doubt and not believing that they were trying to
break us up.
So, I'd come home to Tampa. I had to work tomorrow, anyway, and
there were things to deal with here. Kevin would be on a flight to New
York tonight. He and the guys were doing Rosie's show in the morning.
First stop on the `good-will tour'.
The phone ringing brought me out of my reverie. I managed to get
out of my chair and grab it before it went to voice mail.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Damn, Dylan, where've you been? I've been worried sick about
you," Kris' voice came out at me.
"Sorry, Kris. I was in Orlando all weekend. I just got home,
actually," I replied, taking the cordless back to the living room so I
could sit.
"I wish you would've called, Dylan," she scolded me.
"I know. I should've called you guys. But, it's been a little
crazy around here."
"I can imagine," she said. "Are you doing ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Kev's a little rough around the edges, but
we're all holding up ok."
"Dylan," she hesitated, "some reporters have been calling us."
"Oh?" I wasn't all that surprised. Someone had announced my
identity, so it was only a matter of time before family and friends
were being interrogated. Fortunately, I didn't have much of either
one.
"Yeah, a couple of the network types and one from MTV."
"What'd you tell `em?"
"Nothing. I didn't think we should say anything until we talked
to you. But..." she trailed off.
"What?"
"Well, your aunt and uncle have been talking." She didn't have
to specify which aunt and uncle. I knew it was Dad's brother and
sister. They'd be having a field day telling anyone who'd listen about
how I beat up Dad at Gram's funeral and how it was my fault he was
dead.
"That's terrific. Just what I fuckin' need," I said.
"I'm sorry, Dylan. Jeremy tried to talk `em out of it, but you
know how stubborn they can be."
"Yeah, I know. Tell J not to worry. I'll handle it all.
Somehow, anyway." I sighed. "Listen, Kris, I'm really tired, so I'm
gonna go. Tell J I said hi, and I'll talk to you guys later." I
didn't wait for her to say goodbye. I just hung up.
I dropped the phone on the table and lifted myself from my chair.
I couldn't deal anymore. I needed sleep, so I stumbled my way upstairs
to my bedroom, dropping clothes as I went. I was asleep the minute my
head hit the pillow.
Chapter 61
Joey's bark greeted me when I knocked on the door at Lindsay's
place two weeks later. I was greeted with about a dozen wet kisses
from him when Lindsay opened the door a moment later.
"You look like shit," she said bluntly.
"Gee, thanks, dear. You look great, too," I said, my voice
dripping sarcasm.
But, she was right. The stress was getting to me. Two weeks of
reporters hounding me, of dealing with people hopping out of the bushes
when I pulled out of my housing complex, of teenagers stopping me on
the street, even, to tell me what a bastard I was for `turning him gay'
like that. Of all the reactions I'd imagined, blame wasn't one of
them.
And, worst of all, two weeks without Kevin was killing me. We'd
barely even had a chance to talk since he'd left. I missed him so much
that there were days I could barely stand to get out of bed. His
managers kept him and the guys busy doing appearances and interviews,
so our time for calls and such was really limited.
Anna had noticed it at work yesterday. I was called into her
office after I nearly tore the head off of a coworker when he'd made a
comment about a piece of code I'd written. She wasn't happy, but she
understood and let me off with a reprimand and a promise that I'd be
more careful in the future.
I walked in the door of Lindsay's house, following a hyper and
excited Joey. Lindsay shut the door and walked past me, leading me out
onto the back porch. She turned to me when we'd both walked outside.
"Are you ok?" she asked. There was so much concern and worry in
her tone.
I lost it, finally. I hadn't cried the whole time since the day
Kevin made his announcement. I more than made up for it now. I
practically collapsed in her arms when she hugged me.
"God, Linds, I don't know how much more of this I can take," I
sobbed. She just stroked my hair and back, letting me get it all out.
"People hate me, ya know that? The fans are still loyal to the
guys, but they've decided that I'm like Satan or something. I've lost
track of the number of hate sites that've sprung up on the web over the
last two weeks."
"People are starting to think of Kevin as some kind of victim,
that I somehow twisted him into believing that he's gay. I'm looked at
as some kind of parasite by both the fans and the family values
freaks." The bitterness was starting to come out.
"The conservative groups are using me as a symbol of what gays
are like, about how we corrupt the innocent and are trying to spread
our `disease' to others." I had to drop into a chair, but she stayed
on the arm of it with a hand on my shoulders.
"I never expected this, Lindsay," my voice dropped to a whisper.
"I never expected people to hate me so much for this."
"And I miss him so much..." my voice died then. As strong as I'd
tried to be for him, I needed him. I couldn't carry on alone.
"Dylan, it'll be ok," she said. "This'll blow over."
"I wish that mattered right now, Linds. But, all I can see is
another day without him, another day of being painted as a sick and
twisted man, another day of people believing that I somehow ruined the
man I love most in the world."
"It doesn't matter what people think, Dylan," she said.
"Yeah, Linds, it does," I replied. "Sometimes...it does..." my
voice trailed off again.
"What does Kevin say about all of this?" I hung my head, not
wanting to answer. "Dylan? What does he say?"
"I haven't told him about how hard I'm having it," I mumbled.
"What? Why not?"
"Because, Lindsay, he's got enough on his plate to worry about.
You didn't see him after he came out. He was so guilty, so worried
about how he'd ruined my life. It took a lot of work, but I finally
got him over that." I paused.
"I sure as hell can't turn around now and tell him he HAS ruined
my life. That I can't leave the house anymore, that I'm barely
sleeping, that I'm receiving threats on a regular basis." Shit. I
hadn't meant to say that part.
"What?!?! What threats?" She practically yelled.
"Nothing serious. Just some stuff in my e-mail. The occasional
phone call." I tried to downplay it. I knew if I didn't do that,
she'd call Kevin whether I wanted her to or not.
"What do they say?" she wanted to know.
"Nothing much. I'm hideously evil, I'm gonna burn in hell, the
usual," I said.
"Dylan," she said, a warning tone in her voice. She didn't
believe me.
"Lindsay, I swear it's nothing serious," I replied. I even
looked her in the eye to try to carry the lie off. She studied me a
moment before nodding. Wow, I could look my best friend in the eye and
lie my ass off. What a skill that was to have.
The fact was that the threats WERE serious. Or at least one of
them was serious. I received at least one phone call a day from a
particular guy. He HAD told me I was gonna burn in hell. I hadn't
lied about that. I just hadn't mentioned that he'd told me I'd be
doing it really soon.
"I want you to sleep here tonight," she suddenly broke in on my
thoughts.
"What? Why?"
"Cause you look like you need a good night's sleep, and I'm gonna
make sure that you get it," was her swift reply. I nodded, frankly too
tired and stressed to worry. "As a matter of fact, you're going to bed
right now."
"Lindsay, don't be ridiculous. It's like 7:00!" I protested.
"I don't care. I bet money that you could fall asleep right now,
couldn't you?" She looked me dead on. For some reason, I couldn't
pull up a convincing expression this time. I just gave in and nodded.
We marched upstairs, her pushing me from behind. I went to turn
into Joey's room, but she put a hand on my arm and pulled me to her
room instead.
"Lindsay?" I asked.
"Dylan, you need some comfort, whether you want to admit it or
not. Joey's not gonna do it for you, and you won't call Kevin, so I'm
gonna lay here with you until you are sound asleep."
A tear dropped from my eye a moment later. I needed exactly what
she was offering. I'd felt so isolated, so alone lately. I stripped
to my boxers and crawled into her bed. She lay on top of her covers
and wrapped an arm around me. I expected that she'd only stay until I
was asleep. It was still early for her to be in bed.
"Linds?" I whispered softly, already feeling my eyes dropping
shut.
"Yeah, Dylan?"
"Thanks. For everything," I was nearly out. "Love you, ya
know."
The last thing I heard was a whispered "I know" from her before I
fell into a dreamless sleep.
I sighed in frustration, running a hand through my hair before I
remembered I shouldn't do that. It always screwed up the gel when I
ran my hand through it. The thought of being worried about my looks at
that moment brought a bitter chuckle.
I'd been going over this slice of code for two hours and making
no progress. Somehow, I just couldn't get it to execute properly, and
the frustration was driving me nuts. I decided I needed to get out.
"Anna, I'm gonna walk across to Starbuck's for an iced. You want
anything?" I asked my boss as I stuck my head in her office. She just
shook her head, obviously in a zone somewhere else.
I walked down the hall, lost in thought. I'd made it through
another weekend. Friday night at Lindsay's had helped, but I was
basically back where I'd started. Not sleeping, not really eating,
pretty much miserable.
The phone calls had increased on Saturday, now starting to come
in the middle of the night. More vague promises to send me to hell
pretty soon. I made a mental note to call to get my number changed.
Not that I was likely to remember in my foggy mental state.
I pushed out the front door, continuing on in my own little
mental world. I hadn't heard from Kevin since last week. We'd been
playing phone tag since then. He was out in LA at the moment, and the
time zone difference was really screwing us up.
In a way, it was ok. I was getting so paranoid about letting on
anything to him about what I was dealing with. I was constantly
worried about revealing the wrong thing, about doing something to add
to his worries.
Someone's voice shouting came at me from a distance, but I
ignored it. Unfortunately, I couldn't ignore the horn or the screech
of the brakes on the car that I'd just stepped in front of.
To be continued???
------------------
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I'll get about two dozen e-mails/death threats
over this one. Don't think of it as a cliffhanger...think of it as a great
opportunity to look back on the story and contemplate everything that's
happened to K&D since they met. And to offer up any constructive opinions
you might have.