Wednesday, September 28, 2011

So what's the deal Winnie? Or should I say Lori? I can't tell if this is 2 girls that are twins or 1 girl with 2 personalities. Is she Lori today? Is she Winnie? Is she going to get naked for me? Is she going to be all nice and sweet and horny one minute, then try to bite my dick and take my money and my watch and race away in my car? Actually, a girl with 2 personalities might be a good thing. At least she would have someone to talk to. And wouldn't feel the need to bore me with all the stupid things that other people are doing everyday. Honestly, is there one man out there that truly gives a shit about any of the gossip their wife or girlfriend feed them daily? I barely give a shit about her, what makes her think I want to hear about the sordid details of some people I don't know, that she has to interact with everyday? I guess that might be the downside of split personalities - I might have to hear the same shit twice. And then she would withhold sex from me when I tell her I'm not listening. Back to Winnie or Lori. I'll call her Winnie. And I'll talk dirty to her. And get her all hot and wet. And then should would take off all her clothes. And put them in the dryer. And then scream my name while she sits on the dryer and thinks about me. Naked. Then I could start all over again with Lori. Now that would be fun.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I really rike Stephanie Rum. Wait, did I use that joke already? Well, it's awesome. Especially when I'm riding in my Rexus. With Rinda Ringle. I'm not too proud to admit that sometimes it takes a little liquid courage for me to get in the mood with certain girls. A little bit of the "el capitan," a little Captain Morgan to loosen up my belt - but that is definitely not the case with Steph. I could get dirty with her even if I was sober. Although that doesn't happen much. Sometimes between 5-6am. Right before I have my Beerios. Or when I'm stuck in traffic. But luckily I have a TV in my Rexus. So I can just tune into HNN and watch Steph and rerax a rittle. That joke will never get old. And neither will my love for Stephanie Lum. I used to follow her around town, marking the places she was reporting from on a map on my wall. Not in a crazy stalker way, I was just trying to find a pattern. And a way into her pants. So I could taste the rum. Or some of the rum filled chocolate.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I used to have a girlfriend that looked a little like Rio. But she had bigger boobs. I thought they might be cousins. Her name was Matsuda though. I guess that means they can't be cousins. And I guess that's why they look alike. I love the name Rio. Like Rio de Janeiro. What an awesome place. I would love to see Rio in Rio. I would also love to see myself in Rio. Both the girl and the city. At the same time. She could wear one of those little Carnaval outfits and dance around my bedroom. And I could show her how my float works. Then we would could for a long romantic walk on the beach. And by a long romantic walk I mean have wild, passionate, sex. In the water. While we drink guarana. Because they say that stuff is an aphrodisiac. And that's exactly what I need with a girl like Rio. I also need to find a picture of her without her camera covering half of her face. Now that is a challenge. But I don't mind. Because she is a beauty. I'm booking my tickets to Rio now.

Monday, September 12, 2011

It's not easy trying to find 3 pictures of a porn star that are "safe for work". That won't get me that dreaded "Google warning." And it's not easy looking through over 500 pictures of said porn star without taking a quick break to bate. It's also not easy to write your name in the snow when you're inside your friends bathroom. In the summer. Inside. On an island. Where there is no snow. But I digress. Here's a little tip for you business travelers that have enough free time at the airport to read this gibberish. Any time you find yourselves at the Narita airport, check out the bottom shelf of the electronics shop's DVD/Blu-ray shelf. It's full of porn! I guess it's not really a big deal. Since all of the naughty bits are mosaic'ed out. And this is the country that sells used panties in a vending machine. And also sells porn on Amazon. But nothing can really compare to the look on that old lady's face when you pop some porn into your computer on that flight to Kuala Lumpur. And it really makes you popular with the mothers on the flight too when their kids learn about the blurred out birds and the bees. But now back to Ami. She's the queen of AV. And she has fantastic tits. And a pretty face. She's also the queen of my pants. Where I keep her sceptre nice and warm. I also have some treasure hidden in there too. If she treats me well, it comes out on her face.