If you’re like me, your New Year’s resolution (if you made one at all) is already abandoned, and training for a half-marathon has been replaced with a snowy sprint to the bodega.

Never fear, my fellow hibernating, chubby, and cocooned Greenpointers! Below is a list of 5 fitness programs bizarre enough to get you out of the apartment and maybe even in shape before winter’s over, without even having to get on the subway:

GREENPOINT:

Greenpoint Grappling Club: If the latest action movie’s got you ready to become a ji-jitsu master, join this relaxed environment to get technical training while also getting to play on those fun plastic mats from elementary school.Where: Otom Gym, 169 Calyer St. When: Mondays and Wednesdays at 7:30 pm, Fridays at 7 pm Cost: 1st class is free

Learn Hollywood Stunts: No word yet on whether or not you can bring your own fake blood or explosives, but Hollywood Stunts offers intensive pro-trainings, stage fighting, and the mind-boggling: trampoline snowboarding lessons (uh, can I sign up twice?).Where: Hollywood Stunts NYC, 73 West St. When: Private lessons Cost: $100 per hour

Beginner Sword Fighting: Take your Indigo Mantoya costume to the next level with this new class at the YMCA.Where: Greenpoint YMCA, 99 Meserole Ave. When: Fridays at 7:30 pm Cost: Get a free day pass or a $56/month membership for access to this and other classes.

WILLAMSBURG:

Williamsburg Touch Rugby:Wait, touch rugby? Is that a thing? With over 500 co-ed members, you don’t have to worry about showing up to work with a black eye or dislocated shoulder, and can still get a good sweat on.Where: The Pitch, 200 N 14th When: Tuesdays at 9 pm Cost: $180 per player (includes a swanky jersey)

Trampoline, Intro to Acrobatics, and Parkour: You can sit in on the company rehearsals before taking one of their many classes, and support the company, the school, the space, and the programs.Where: Streb, 51 N 1st When: Mondays and Tuesdays at 7:30 pm Cost: $25/class

BONUS – BUSHWICK:

Metal Yoga: Okay, so this one requires a subway ride, but it might just be worth it to experience this vinyasa class. Go through the instructor’s breathing flow until you feel the poses’ “hellish fire creeping into [your body]” and have fun working out to your favorite bands. You can even grab a drink at their bar after class.Where: The Cobra Club, 6 Wyckoff Ave (L train to Jefferson St.), When: Sundays at 2 pm Cost: $13