QUOTE: " We've got to find him and catch him before he eats someone he shouldn't."

(a) Which Goodie says this quote?

(b) Who is he talking about?

(c) Which episode is this quote from?

QUIZ: This month's questions are from the episode: "Give Police A Chance"

(d) Which magazine is Tim reading, using a magnifying glass to find something of interest?

(e) What do the police want the Goodies to help them with?

(f) Whose face does Bill see during his lemon sherbet visions?

(g) How does policeman Tim tell the time for a passer-by?

(h) Which Goodie plays the saxophone during the courtroom trial?

The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.

2. BOFFO IDEAS

**************

You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:

Another month, another close election result with a three-way tussle for top vote and Rolf making those odd panting noises of his from lagging way behind in a distant 4th place where he belongs! As interesting as taking the Goodies advice about pirate radio stations and Ecky Thump would undoubtedly be, it was the lure of learning the Goodies do's and don'ts on world domination (possibly something to do with towing the whole planet outside the five mile limit!)that ultimately won the day.

Which advice book would The Goodies be most qualified to write?

Starting Your Own Pirate Radio Station 36 votes

Pet Care Tips for Unusual Pets 8 votes

An Impractical Guide to World Domination 42 votes

Creative Ways to Enter Crufts 0 votes

A Beginner's Guide to Ecky Thump 34 votes

Cream Mining for Profit 11 votes

Another 1,000 Uses for String 18 votes

Learn to Write Music the Oddie Way! 8 votes

Unconventional Safari Park Concepts 1 vote

The Care & Feeding of Little Rolfs 20 votes

Total 178 votes

This month's poll deals with Goodies on the big screen and which movie they should remake to again grab Steven Spielberg's attention nearly 30 years after they got it the first time. Maybe it should be Out Of Sarth Effriker or Born Free (As Free As The Wind Blows … burrp!) … or maybe Harry Pothead And The Stoned Philosophers (about the making of their "Nothing To Do With Us" album at Island Records!). I'd even settle for seeing the remainder of Sinderella myself (The kids love it!) Anyway here are the options from the website so get along and vote for one of them today. You know it makes sense!

The Goodies ran a film studio in the episode "The Movies". Which movie do you think The Goodies should remake? (You can make your own suggestions in the comments.)

Lord of the Rings

ET

The Sound of Music

Star Wars

Titanic

Gone with the Wind

Indiana Jones

Mary Poppins

other

The Life Story of Rolf Harris

3. SPOTTED!!!

*************

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! the Goodies this month:

COMEDY CHANNEL

(Lisa Manekofsky – 16th Dec)

Weekdays, 3-30 December - "The Goodies" on The Comedy Channel (in Australia) at 4:00pm. Thanks to Andyt29 who reported in the GROK forums that the series will air M-F in December excepting Dec 25th, 26th, & 31st. Watch http://www.thecomedychannel.com.au/WhatsOn/Detail.aspx?id=211 for listings of the upcoming week's episodes.

ASPEL HAS A GOODIES MEMORY

(Lisa Manekofsky – 1st Jan)

The Goodies get several mentions in a Liverpool Daily Post article about Michael Aspel.

Is it the end for Aspel? With Liverpool his last stop hosting the Antiques Roadshow before retirement, where does broadcasting's famous silver fox go now? Peter Elson asks the man himself

HE IS undoubtedly Britain's suavest former drainpipe-layer, who started his working life as a publisher's tea boy, quenching the thirst of our leading writers.

After this eclectic start, Michael Aspel's career has run through the golden age of television, through news and light entertainment to the Antiques Roadshow.

His durable persona allowed him credibility as both a serious BBC newsreader and acting as Corporation straight-man when tormented by comics like The Goodies and Morecambe and Wise.

. . .

But he made a far bigger impression being squashed by a giant kitten's paw on The Goodies stuck in many viewers' memories.

"When we were doing the Antiques Roadshow in Australia I did constant radio interviews for two days after filming finished," says Michael.

"All they wanted to hear about was The Goodies. It was like going to Japan and having to discuss some esoteric thing.

"I get regular cheques from the BBC for 37p from every time they show it."

SPICKS AND SPECKS

(Andrew Reid)

Jade McRae, daughter of Goodies Music Producer Dave McRae, was on ABC Australia's music show Spicks And Specks in 2007 talking about her father's involvement with The Goodies. Jade closed the show by singing the sexiest version of Funky Gibbon you'll ever see!

WE'VE SEEN LITTLE ROLF!

(Lisa Manekofsky & Brett Allender)

An article in today's Daily Mail (and syndicated in other papers including the Melbourne Herald Sun) about Rolf Harris mentions The Goodies.

Here is the relevant excerpt;

"He was becoming famous - and notorious. By 1975, the comedy troupe The Goodies attempted to catch "a wild Rolf Harris".

They put him in a zoo, but he escaped, mated and caused "a Rolf Harris plague" in Britain. The real Rolf's reaction to this is sanguine. "I would have loved to play myself," he sighs."

The black comedy about a fictional version of the Goodies, "A Record or an OBE", is coming to the Adelaide Fringe Festival and the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. According to the show's official website, http://shaolinpunk.net/:

Dates, times and venues have all been confirmed for A Record or an OBE's Adelaide Fringe and Comedy Festival seasons, and here are the details. Note that bookings aren't yet open for [Melbourne]; we'll let you know when you can buy tickets! We'll be in the Adelaide Fringe guide when it's released on January 9, too.

If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio and tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-l mailing list (more details available on the club website), as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.

* daily, through Sat 22 Dec - "My Famous Family" hosted by Bill is repeated on UKTV History and UKTV History Plus 1 at various times.

(16th Dec)

* Bill appeared in the episode of "Who Do You Think You Are" on Sunday 16th December at 7:30pm on SBS Australia. The show follows the family tree of famous people, such as Bill, Steven Fry and Nigella Lawson.

(Andrew Reid)

* Weds, 19 Dec - "All I Want For Christmas" on UKTV Style at 11:30 (repeated an hour later on UKTV Style Plus 1) plus again later in the day (please check you local listings). This episode, "The Top Ten Naughtiest Presents", is "An irreverent top ten countdown of the most memorable Christmas presents" and includes a contribution from Bill.

(16th Dec)

* Thurs, 27 Dec - "Who Do You Think You Are?" - Bill's episode is repeated by BBC 2 at 11:15 to 12:10

(16th Dec)

* Fri, 28 Dec - "Grumpy Old New Year" with contributions from Bill is repeated on BBC 2 at 23:20.

(16th Dec)

* Mon, 7 Jan – The episode of "Star Portraits with Rolf Harris" featuring Bill Oddie will be screened at 20:00 on ABC TV in Australia.

* BBC 2 will be airing a Springwatch Christmas Special on Monday, 31 December from 18:10 to 19:30.

Here's a listing: "Bill Oddie, Kate Humble and Simon King look back at 2007, a year of storms, floods and fabulous encounters with wildlife. Animals include red deer, golden eagles, city foxes, badgers, wild otters, wild boar, seal pups and unimaginably cute beavers. With updates on your favourite characters and additional information, it'll keep you going until Springwatch 2008!"

(24th Dec)

Bill Oddie's Wild Side (previously listed as Bill Oddie's Seriously Wild Show) is scheduled to begin on BBC 2 on Wednesday 9 January 2008 at 20:00. According to http://www.thecustard.tv/ , this is scheduled to be "A 10-part series featuring the legends and folklore of Britain's animal population, plus challenges for wildlife cameraman John Aitcheson."

(30th Dec)

* Bill Oddie is assisting celebrity chefs Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall a campaign get consumers to eat more welfare friendly reared chicken by revealing some of the welfare issues in poultry production.

This is related to his upcoming appearance in Jamie Oliver's Fowl Dinners on January 11th.

(8th Jan)

* Weds, 16 Jan - "Chute!" on CBBC at 17:30; the listing reads "Ross Lee has comedy adventures watching hilarious clips with celebrity guests. Ross discovers that he is being spied on by Bill Oddie." It appears the episode will air again on Tues, 22 Jan at 07:25.

(12th Jan)

* Sat, 18 Jan - "Top 50 Greatest Celebrity Animals" with Bill is being repeated on Sky One & Sky One HD at 14:00. The stations air the show again on Monday, 21 Jan at 01:25

(12th Jan)

* Sat, 19 Jan - "Saturday Kitchen" on BBC 1 at 10:00-11:30 with Bill.

Here's a listing: "James Martin hosts a show full of mouth-watering food, great chefs and celebrity guests. Cooking live with James are Sarah Raven and Nick Nairn, while Bill Oddie faces his food heaven and hell. Plus there are helpings of Rick Stein, Celebrity Masterchef and the Hairy Bikers, as well as another dramatic omelette challenge and more top wine choices."

(12th Jan)

* Weds, 23 Jan - "100 Years of Wildlife Films" hosted by Bill is being repeated on BBC 1 at 02:40.

(12th Jan)

GRAEME SPOTTINGS

* Graeme will appear in BBC 7's repeat of "When Jeremy Hardy Spoke to the Nation" next Tuesday, December 18th, at 23:00.

(12th Dec)

* Weds, 1 Jan - the "QI" episode with Graeme is repeated on Dave at 22:30 and again the next day at 00:20. Dave Plus 1 repeats the episode an hour later.

(30th Dec)

* TBA - ITV has begun airing "Agatha Christie's Marple" Series 3; Graeme has a cameo appearance in the episode entitled "Nemesis". The exact date hasn't been announced yet; keep an eye out for the broadcast. A preview of the episode (in which Graeme appears) can be seen at http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/mystery/nemesis/

(12th Jan)

TIM SPOTTINGS

* Happy Holidays, Everyone!

Wanted to let all of you know that we've posted a special holiday video clip for you to enjoy this week on the GROK YouTube Channel. It's a clip from the 1985 comedy series Assaulted Nuts and features Tim Brooke-Taylor as a certain jolly old man.

* Mon, 31 Dec - "What the Pythons Did Next" with contributions from Tim is repeated on Channel 4 at 22:45; it will be repeated an hour later on Channel 4+1 (thanks to wackywales for this info).

(30th Dec)

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and

I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)

ISIHAC LIVE TOUR 2008

The 2008 I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Official Stage Tour starts on January 21st! Tickets are still available for some dates, although several dates are on the verge of selling out (so if you've been waiting to book don't wait much longer!)

Please note that in addition to the previously announced dates Salford is selling tickets to a 3pm show on Sunday, April 6th. The show will also be visiting Wolverhampton, Basingstoke, Cambridge, Buxton, Cardiff, Plymouth, Eastbourne, Edinburgh, London, Harrogate, and Bournemouth.

* Mondays - The news series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" with Tim & Graeme airs on BBC Radio 4 at 18:30, with each episode repeated the following Sunday at around noon (check the listings each week – sometimes the Sunday repeats start a few minutes after noon). The Dec. 24th episode will be "The Best of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" 2007. Each broadcast can be heard worldwide from www.bbc.co.uk/radio4. The shows will also be available for a week after broadcast from Listen Again at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/networks/radio4/aod.shtml?radio4/clue

* Saturdays - "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again", on ABC Radio National at 5:30. This 1960's sketch comedy series starred with all three Goodies plus John Cleese, Jo Kendall, & David Hatch (info at http://www.abc.net.au/rn/comedy/default.htm )

(16th Dec)

* Among the various holiday offerings on BBC Radio 4 and BBC 7 over the holiday season are these shows which include contributions from our favorite trio. All can be heard online during the broadcast and will be available for a week afterwards from BBC Radio's Listen Again.

A special New Year edition of the programme featuring Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden, playing two pawky Scots who occasionally pop up on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. In this episode they are joined by fellow Scot James Naughtie. (The show also features guest appearances from Tim Brooke-Taylor, Humphrey Lyttelton, Sandi Toksvig, & Colin Sell.)

New Years Eve at 10.30pm and 3.30am

(23rd Dec)

* Thanks to wackywales for posting this info in the forums.

Amazon.co.uk is listing a new I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue book, The New Uxbridge English Dictionary, which has a publication date of May 8th.

"The Goodies - The Complete LWT Series" is the third Goodies DVD release by Network Video following "The Goodies - At Last" in 2003 and "The Goodies - A Tasty Second Helping" in 2005, with the first two releases also available in a single unit titled "The Goodies - The Tasty Box"

"The Goodies - The Complete LWT Series" is a 2 DVD set which was released in the UK on 26th March 2007, however it has not been released in Australia as yet. One bit of good news though is that the set is encoded both Region 2 and Region 4 PAL, making it compatible for Australian DVD players and it is readily available from online DVD retailers. With Santa very kindly delivering me a copy of it for Christmas (a much nicer present than receiving Tim's sweaty socks anyway!) I thought that I should at least write a review of it to highlight what the newest addition to the Goodies DVD collection has to offer for fans considering ordering a copy of it from afar.

CONTENTS

DISC 1 The Complete LWT Series (7 episodes)

The following episode descriptions are from my Goodies Episode Guide:

Snow White 2

The Goodies are kicked out of the Seven Dwarves for being too tall and are lost and unemployed until they attempt to enter the castle controlled by the princesses.

Robot

Due to dire financial conditions, Bill is fired and replaced with a baby robot; however Tim and Graeme need help with raising the robot and hire a strange bearded Swedish nanny to look after it.

Football Crazy

Bill the soccer hooligan is in fine form as Tim becomes Chief of Police in a bid to stamp out such boorish conduct, with football then becoming so boring that its fans flock to the ballet instead.

Bigfoot

The Goodies set off to the Canadian Rockies in search of the mythical Arthur C Clarke, but find all sorts of other weird creatures including the legendary Bigfoot.

Change Of Life

The Goodies are preparing to close their business due to old age until the threat of the robot taking over forces them to undertake the Standard Test to see if they are still capable of being Goodies.

Holidays

A supposedly relaxing holiday in the seaside village of Dunsquabblin turns very stressful when the Goodies are trapped inside for seventeen days due to heavy rain and snow.

Animals

Graeme's pet shop has a special new line - people dressed up as animals, but they also suffer from being dumped so Tim sets up a protection society, while Graeme cruelly puts the strays to work.

Change Of Life and Holidays also have the optional special feature of commentary tracks by Bill, Graeme and Tim.

Disc 2 Special Features

The Goodies Music Performance Archive:

Clips of The Goodies performing Funky Gibbon, Black Pudding Bertha, Nappy Love, Wild Thing and Make A Daft Noise For Christmas on various music shows

Interview Archive:

Four TV interviews with various Goodies spanning from 1978 to 1994

Goodies:

Still photos gallery

PDF Script Archive

Doctor In The House: Doctor On The Box (Graeme)

From The Top: Growing Up … And Out (Bill)

Tim judges a Turkey Competition

Programme notes – The Goodies. The Complete LWT Series

A 28 page full-colour booklet on the making of the series, by Andrew Pixley

COMMENTS

Episode Choice

Unlike the first two DVD releases which were essentially compilations of the "best Goodies episodes" hand-picked from the various BBC series, this release comprises of an entire series of The Goodies; the one which they made with London Weekend Television in 1981/1982 which proved to be the final series of The Goodies ever made.

This is of particular interest to Australian fans because these episodes were never shown on the ABC throughout their repeated screenings of The Goodies from the 1970s until the early 1990s, although apparently Channel 7 screened the LWT episodes to their metropolitan audiences in their runs of The Goodies during the 1980s.

Up until now only 4 of these episodes (Football Crazy, Robot, Bigfoot and Change Of Life) have been available publicly on a long-ago and hard-to-obtain video release, so it's great to be able to to have all of these "hidden" episodes released in a single set.

The only drawback with a full series release is that you have to take the good (such as Robot and Football Crazy) with the bad (Holidays and to a lesser extent, Animals) and the ugly, but enjoyable (Snow White 2), however for the serious Goodies fan (if there's such a thing!) it's something long overdue given that most other TV shows are released by series nowadays. Now if only we could have the 8 BBC series of The Goodies released in this format as well …

Episode restoration

As with their first two Goodies DVDs, Network has again done a great job in making the episodes look and sound so much better than any copies that fans have previously been able to view on video. The sound quality on Tim's turkey segment is rather low and muffled, but all of the Goodies material comes through loud and clear.

Commentary tracks

It's a wonderful bonus for fans that Tim, Graeme and Bill have again made the effort to sit down together and reminisce while watching the episodes of Change Of Life and Holidays. The Change Of Life commentary track makes for fascinating listening, especially as the episode itself deals with the Goodies sending up some of their own finest moments like the giant kitten, Ecky Thump, patriotic speeches etc. The Holidays track also has some amusing recollections, but with the most interesting bits being an explanation of why they left the BBC to go to LWT and Bill threatening to reveal the rules of ISIHAC's Mornington Crescent, this seems a fair reflection on the tedium of the Holidays episode itself. Perhaps a commentary track on either Robot or Football Crazy would have been of more interest.

Special Features

Network have continued the brilliant standard that they set in the first two DVD releases for special features with a selection guaranteed to please any fan of The Goodies.

In the Goodies music archive, there are thoroughly enjoyable performances of Funky Gibbon and Black Pudding Bertha on "Shangalang" (although Graeme's microphone doesn't work for the first half of Funky Gibbon) and Nappy Love, Wild Thing and Make A Daft Noise For Christmas on "Look Alive", all from their peak music year of 1975.

The interview archive features Tim and Graeme interviewed at the Cambridge Theatre while The Goodies still ruled the comedy scene in 1978, plus three other post-Goodies interviews with one or more of the Goodies from 1983, 1993 and 1994

There is a two minute-long stills gallery of excellent photos taken from all of the LWT episodes, plus an archive of PDF scripts of the episodes, plus a solo appearance from each Goodie. Graeme has a cameo role in "Doctor In The House: Doctor On The Box", which he and Bill co-wrote from 1970, Bill excels in an over-the-top performance in From The Top, a children's show about a drama school from 1986, while Tim in full patriotic Union Jack waistcoat mode is pictured judging a Turkey Competition of all things in 1981.

Perhaps the best special feature though is the wonderfully informative Programme Notes accompanying the discs which have been written by GROK's very own Andrew Pixley. As with the programme guide in "The Goodies - A Tasty Second Helping" (and "The Goodies - The Tasty Box") Network has combined Andrew's typically well-researched and superbly written work with colour photos from the episodes and the end result is a nicely-presented and eminently readable booklet containing all sorts of fascinating information about the making of the LWT series that you'd never find in any other publication – great reading for any Goodies fan.

Menus/Technical Stuff

Again maintaining their earlier standards, Network have done a top job in making the DVDs as user-friendly as possible. All of the episodes are on Disc 1 and the special features are on Disc 2, so it's quick and easy to find what you're looking for. I particularly like the setup of the commentary tracks where the episode is selected from the main menu and it then gives you the option of viewing it with or without the commentary track rather than the version of the episode with the commentary being buried away among the special features somewhere.

Overall

Officially Amazing! An essential addition to every Goodies fan's DVD collection, especially as these are among the "lost" episodes that most Australian (and indeed worldwide) fans of the show have never got to see. In fact many Goodies fans may not even be aware that these LWT shows exist, in which case you've got a real treat to look forward to. Worth it just for Robot and Football Crazy alone, but the rest of the episodes and special features hold plenty of interest too.

RATINGS

Episode Choice - IIII Officially Amazing

Episode Restoration - III 1/2 Amazingly Goodie

Commentary Tracks - III Goodie Goodie Yum Yum

Special Features – IIII 1/2 Super Amazing

Menus/Technical Stuff - IIII Officially Amazing

OVERALL - IIII Officially Amazing

AVAILABILITY

"The Goodies - The Complete LWT Series" is available from various online stockists, but both Amazon and Sendit have it on special as part of their January sales.

The episode "Scoutrageous" subtly features all three Goodies as baddies at different points, with Graeme and Bill firstly performing "boyish pranks" in order to obtain their new scouting badges, which include wigspotting, forcing little old ladies across the road and stealing a pair of Margaret Thatcher's knickers. Naturally these activities bring shame on their scout troop (plus lots of extra cold showers!) and Brown Owl Tim is forced to drum Graeme and Bill out of his patrol

Graeme's parting words of "We're going to start a platoon of our own" prove to be prophetic as Tim is happily washing his scout uniform in the Goodies' office when he is menaced by two masked scouts who bear more than a passing resemblance to Graeme and Bill. G: "Bob a job chief" B: "Only owing to inflation and the present economic climate, shall we say 500 quid a job, hey?" Being a scout himself, Tim doesn't particularly want a job done, but the masked scouts do quite a nasty job on him; setting fire to his hat by rubbing two sticks together, slicing his woggle and whittling away his splendid scout staff with an ill-disciplined pen-knife, knocking starch into his soft-soaking shorts and "As a little favour, as one last special job, I'll give them (Tim's shoes) a nice little finish … with my Brillo pad!"

A terrorised Tim finally gives them 500 quid (plus his Jubilee mug!) and utters a shocked gasp of "Who *were* those masked scouts?!" as they rapidly flee from the office. Graeme and Bill's success in fleecing Tim spurs them on to even more hard-core crimes as they use their knot-tying and stick-rubbing skills to rob a businessman, clean out the coins at the zoo and hold up a petrol station, upgrading to a flashier mode of transport each time. With the ruse of having a "premium bond come through" they are even able to use their new-found wealth and influence to gain further revenge on Tim for kicking them out of his patrol by dobbing him into the police for boy scout-like activities, now that the scouts are an illegal organisation following their own criminal behaviour.

After being busted by the intimidating Scoutfinder General and sentenced to a 5 year jail term (only to be let off because he went to a public school!) Tim wants to overcome his scouting shame by joining "the only organisation left for people like me" – the Salvation Army! However becoming the commander of a troop of Salvation Army ladies brings out the baddie in Tim as he harangues them relentlessly while they are at inspection. He barks at one: "What have you got on your head, soldier? Your bonnet is a disaster area! Call that a bow? Looks more like a pregnant butterfly having a crafty kip!" and finishes up blasting them all with "And if you lot turn out again on parade looking like a bag of mucky laundry I'll have you in that guardhouse quicker than you can say 'Halle-bloody-lujah'! Understand?!" However he soon adores his "lovely ladies" again when he is given permission by the Scoutfinder General to use his troops to go after "the notorious Masked Scouts"; a job which he also performs with over-the-top relish until he is a little too charitable to Graeme and Bill after he finally corners them.

Next theme: (Feb) Heanz Meanz Beanz Ads

7. GOODIES CROSSWORD

********************

(by Brett Allender)

Here's a new Goodies crossword for fans of the superchaps three to puzzle over.

As with my previous crosswords, if you're not familiar with a number of the Goodies episodes listed, the information in my Goodies Episode Summaries (in the "Articles/Guides" section) should help you solve the clues.

There is also a copy of the grid and clues in a print-friendly Word format in the "Articles/Guides" section of the website at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=88&page=3 along with the solution on a separate page. The solution will also be printed in next month's newsletter.

THE GRID

.

.

C

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

C

.

R

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

R

1

1

2

2

3

3

4

4

5

5

6

6

7

7

8

8

9

9

10

10

11

11

12

12

R

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

R

.

C

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

C

.

.

CLUES

ACROSS

Row 1, column 1 (6 letters) - The Goodies end up here instead of in Skegness (The Race)

Column 12, row 1 (4 letters) - Visitors are sent on a package one in a wooden crate (South Africa)

8. ARTICLE – 50 SERIES OF ISIHAC

********************************

(Lisa Manekofsky)

The following article appeared in The Daily Mail Weekend, 10 November 2007 to promote the then-forthcoming 50th radio series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue". We've decided to run it in the C&G this month as a warm-up for Clue's 2008 Stage Tour, which will take place from January 21st – April 22nd (full details at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/faq.php?topic=13 ).

The Coolest Old Codgers in Town

They may look past it, but these men lead a fanatical cult, with followers who travel the length of Britain to worship them. What's their secret? I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.

The show has been running for 35 years and has won numerous awards. It is regarded as a work of genius by fans as diverse as Dame Judi Dench, Germaine Greer and Jack Dee. But while it is a comedy institution that keeps its head firmly and modestly down, the millions who follow it are passionately devoted.

The show in question is BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, which returns this Monday. Described as 'the antidote to panel games', it is a series of silly improvisational games with a chairman and two teams. But it straddles the entire tradition of British comedy, from brilliant puns, to dazzling musical invention, to outrageous double entendres.

It is the performers who, across the years, have given it all the layers that the discerning fans adore. First, there is Graeme Garden, whom you may recall from the 1970s anarchic TV comedy The Goodies. A qualified doctor, Graeme invented the idea for Clue in 1972.

His team partner is Barry Cryer, who has written jokes for Morecambe and Wise and is the show's most inspired purveyor of quickfire one-liners. Opposite is Tim Brooke-Taylor, also formerly of The Goodies.

In the early days of Clue, Tim's team partner was the cartoonist and wit Willie Rushton, who died in 1997. Since then, Rushton's position has been taken by a rolling roster of top comedians, from Paul Merton to Stephen Fry. The most frequent of these guests is the benignly acerbic Jeremy Hardy. And trying to keep control of it all is its veteran chairman Humphrey Lyttelton, who is, among other things, a jazz musician and former cartoonist for the Daily Mail. The genius of the show is the apparent reluctance of Chairman Humph, as he is known, to show even the politest interest in what is going on.

The show is recorded live before audiences at theatres around the country, and is so popular that, the instant a theatre announces that Clue will be playing there, the tickets are snapped up. Just the other week, for instance, the show was recorded in Croydon. It was completely sold out within four hours with fans queueing around the block hours before tickets went on sale.

The same thing happens whenever Clue pitches up. The show's producer, Jon Naismith, and the team are so aware of this demand that, over the past few weeks, they have been on tour, having turned Clue into a theatrical show in its own right. Humph and the teams have been traveling the length and breadth of the country, and as with the recordings for the radio shows, tickets went within minutes.

There is good reason for the show's huge popularity. I was lucky enough to go to a BBC recording during the summer and it was the funniest evening I have ever spent at the theatre. All around me, tears were rolling down cheeks as the teams exercised their wits in rounds such as Unsatisfactory Titles, where they had to suggest films that would not have been box office draws – eg The Lady Varnishes, and Women in Hove.

One of the other vital ingredients – as well as the deliberately nonsensical Mornington Crescent, and other favourites such as Chat-up Lines, Sound Charades, New Definitions and Late Arrivals – is the sometimes eyebrow-raising level of double entendre. Especially the lines delivered by the 86-year-old Humph, in all apparent innocence. He gets away with material that few on TV could.

A lot of the gags involve the show's fictional 'glamorous scorer Samantha.' A typical scenario begins with Humph's account of Samantha 'nipping out to see her new gentleman friend'. On one occasion, this gentleman was a fish restaurant owner and Samantha was looking forward to having 'his cockles in cider'. Dame Judi Dench, who made a guest appearance a few years ago, once described an occasion when she was listening to the show on her car radio while driving on the motorway, and had to pull on to the hard shoulder because she was laughing so much she couldn't see through her tears. I ask Graeme, Barry, Tim and team-mate Jeremy Hardy, when it became clear that the show had become a cult hit. "When fans started sending Tim condoms in the post,' says Barry. Graeme is delighted by Clue's popularity. 'When Willie Rushton died, the show was just about getting there in cult terms,' he says. 'Quite a difference from the early days. In the 1970s, at the London recording studio, very often the audience was just a clump of old people keeping out of the cold.' 'That was us,' interjects Barry.

So what lies at the heart of the show's enduring appeal? 'When Clue started, there were lots of family shows,' says Tim. 'But now it is one of the few family shows where one can settle down with the family – and listen to filth.'

------------------------------

The article contained boxes with these samples from various Clue rounds:

NEW DEFINITIONS

In this round, team members must find fresh definitions for old words.

* Mogadon – my cat's a professor

* Rectitude – the angle at which the thermometer should be placed

* Piston – treated without respect

* Parsnip – dad's vasectomy

* Colonnade – a fizzy enema

* Gurgle – to steal a ventriloquist's doll

* Disappear – to insult a lord

* Indict – when the Queen is unsure

* Lampoon – a device for hunting whales at night

* Egret – an apology sent by computer

CHAT-UP LINES

Teams are asked to provide chat-up lines that may prove ideal in different circumstances. For instance, what gardeners might say:

* "Don't worry – it'll grow."

* "Hiya, Cynth!"

* "Allo, Vera!"

* "Could you help me find the clematis?"

* "I suppose a fork's out of the question?"

LATE ARRIVALS

Team members announce the guests arriving at themed balls. For instance, The Hoteliers Ball, in which we meet the Scottish Mr and Mrs Break, and their son, Wee Ken, and Mr and Mrs Rouser Press, and their son, Corbett. Or the late arrivals at the Historians Ball, Mr and Mrs Roman Empire and their Chinese nephew, Ho-Li. Not to mention Mr and Mrs Obite-Uprising, and their son, Jack.

SOUND CHARADES

Humph's introductory words have become notorious for their jokes aimed at Lionel Blair. As he always points out, this round is based on the quiz show Give Us A Clue. 'The undisputed master of the genre was Lionel Blair,' said Humph one week, 'and who could forget the look of horror on Una Stubb's face as Blair attempted to pull off An Officer And A Gentleman in under two minutes?' This is the round in which the audience are rendered helpless with laughter simply by 'the title being shown on the laser display board' while 'for listeners at home, here is the Mystery Voice'. Then, to the game itself – Last Tango In Paris was represented by Tim asking a waiter for a fizzy drink and Stephen Fry as the French waiter claiming, 'Monsieur, they have all gone, there are none left in the city – ah, but what is this? Just one left!'