Saturday, 1 August 2015

6 Things Men will Never Understand about Women

A Guest Post by the Permanently Perplexed Husband, Phil

Why Does it Take Them so Long to Get Ready?

Tell a man he's going out and he goes into a well used routine: Shower, shave and dress, quick glance in the mirror, 'Tom Cruise has got nothing on me', done. Ready to go out the door in 12 minutes, like a military operation. Two hours later he's still waiting downstairs, with thoughts like 'What are you doing up there?' and 'Why do you never make that much effort for me!'

Why do Women Pluck their Eyebrows?

Probably the most baffling of all routines obscure about women. I mean; they pluck them out, then get a big marker pen and put them back! For what purpose?! Is it so you can report a theft and see a man in uniform? Are you going to plead ignorance and swear you were not there, when the theft took place?! really, nobody will believe you.

Irresistible eyes

Why do Women have Such Selective Memories?

Ask her how much she really spent on that pair of shoes and she suddenly can't remember. Yet, she will be able to bring up something you said during a row, from four and a half years ago. She will know where you were, what was on TV in the background, what you were wearing and be able to recite back the words you are now paying the price for, complete with quotes.

Why do Women take Men Clothes Shopping?

They go around forty six shops, they walk out of the changing room, and they ask the man; 'what do you think?', he says 'Yes!', then he gets the face. So then he says 'No.' and he still gets the face. This is why we never want to go, because we get dragged round for three hours, and whether we say yes or no, we still arrive home and get sent to the dog house. What is the answer??!!

In the doghouse again!

Why will They Never Understand the Last Day of the Football Season?

It's the last day, it all comes down to this. All those highs and lows, survival kit ready, Sky Sports on TV, radio 5 on the radio, tables in the newspaper, beer in hand and praying mat on the floor, pointed towards your chosen football stadium. It's ten minutes to kick off, hoovering done, so she'll be dead impressed with my domestic skills, surely this gives me the right to be left alone then? I hope so. Just when I think I'm safe to end the day either crying in my beer or performing a one man conga, bang, the channel changes and who has she put on, Bruno Flaming Mars. Divorce could be on the cards here.

Why do Women Paint their Toenails?

Never will get this one. The only purpose there seems to be for this, is a distraction technique, when they are swinging from side to side on the footstool, drawing our eyes towards their various pattern, which seem to vary from the Union Jack, to the A to Z of Grimsby. I cannot believe these have been done for decoration purposes, surely no woman is deluded enough to believe a man is going to look at her and say: 'Cor, look at the toes on that!!'

19 comments

I can only relate to one of these... out of this list I only pluck my eyebrows. Actually I buy those wax strips. two minutes & done instead of trying to get those stupid little hairs the tweezers keep slipping off.

takes me a maximum of 30 minutes to get ready for a night out. I don't have a selective memory, I have a very bad one. I'm rubbish at remembering half the things I do. Ask me how much I spent on something? My reply will be "Dunno. Receipts in my bag" or "Dunno... check your bank balance!"

I don't take mr P clothes shopping ~ in fact he is not really allowed to do his OWN as he'll undoubtedly come home with a fluorescent orange tshirt and "short shorts" which I either have to return or spill bleach on ;)

See that "last day of the football season"? Thats ME with the remote, soccer Saturday and thinking how much I'll miss Jeff Stelling.

And I don't paint my toenails. My feet are always hidden in socks. day or night, summer or not. Socks. And to top it off I have an almighty bruise on my big toenail. i don't care. No one sees my feet.

If I didn't pluck my eyebrows I would look like the wild man of Borneo and no I haven't never drawn them back in because there is still far too much of them! As for the football it was me refusing to get out of the car before going into a party to make sure my team hadn't been relegated. Thankfully they stayed in the League!

My partner must be very very different as I don't understand this post at all. lol He takes longer than me to get ready, plucks his own eyebrows and loves me to have painted nails and often paints them for me x