Monday, July 15, 2013

Let’s Have at Those Pitches! By Linda S. Glaz

Okay, I have a few
pitches to start it off.
Remember, only 25-30 words.

Grab our interest.

Make us want to read on.

Cause us to go, “Whoa,
now that’s a read I wanna have.”

I’m going to start you
off with a few pitches for you to think on, and then let you brave souls share your own one-liners
with the rest of us. The rules are, there are no rules…NOT!

Here you go:

--you can’t critique if you
don’t give us your one-liner

--when you critique, you
must do it constructively. Let’s help each other improve.

--no nasty, harmful
comments allowed. I WILL take them down.

AS WRITERS, WE’RE ALL IN
THIS TOGETHER.

So let’s help each other
be all that we can be.

(Yes, I stole that from
the Army, so shoot me!)
Anyway, here are a few that I picked for all diff reasons. What do you think of them?
Following each is the word count.

One: When her family and livelihood are taken away, can Payton survive without marriage to the master of Kent Hall? (19)

Two: Little girls are disappearing from birthday parties; will Torey's older sister discover how before more girls are forced into human trafficking? (21)

Three: Can a conservative talk show host anger a listener enough that he attempts to shut her mouth for good? (19)

Four: In spite of her legal blindness, Kelsie Patterson searches for the
stranger who suffered a head wound while protecting her during a mass shooting
at her local mall. (28)Five:During these uncertain
times, what people need most is a good laugh. “The Sense of Humor” will put you
on a fast track to healthier, happier living.

Six:A secret from a grim page of American history threatens to destroy thousands of innocent lives. (16)

Seven: In A Ton of Gold, a long forgotten folktale leads to murder, arson, and kidnapping. Can Crystal Moore save her only remaining family? Can she save herself? (27)

Eight: She's a social coordinator from New York City; he's a Texas bull rider. He thinks she's too polished; she thinks he's insane. (22)

Nine: How often must an undercover agent die in order to stay alive? (only 12, woot!)

Ten: A heavy equipment operator
must overcome rumors to help battered women, even if it means losing her job and
the respect of the man she shouldn't love. (27)

Eleven: A young teen struggles to understand his mother's rejection until he discovers it was for his own protection. (18)

48 comments:

When Hanna begins her diary, life changes forever. From her family hiding Jews, to her boyfriend’s involvement in the resistance, to the destruction of her beloved Poland- the diary bears witness to it all.

This really gets my attention. I love it! You can pare it down even more by living out words not really necessary:When Hanna begins her diary, life changes forever. Hiding Jews, her boyfriend’s involvement in the resistance, the destruction of her beloved Poland—her diary bears witness to it all.But I'm not sure you need to. That reads very smoothly and it seems perfect for that quick opportunity to pitch. Really well done! What's everyone else think?

When a second chance at love finds Sarah Monroe and Tag Hutchinson, will her frightening secrets overwhelm any hope they have of happiness? Or will Tag's own heartbreaking memories be the key to saving them both?

I'm ready to read Veronica's. It wasn't "Hanna's diary tells it all" which can mean any diary at any time. The words "diary" and Jews" popped off the page and had me right away. Then the word "resistance" nailed it. EVERYONE who can read has heard of a Jewish girl who wrote a diary, so the subconscious lights up our anxiety for Hanna. Well done, I'd read this, YA or not.

Jennifer, I did cut it down just a tad, as you don't really need their names at this point, but either way is fine. With the names, it just felt a tad lengthy.A second chance at love is filled with frightening secrets and heartbreaking memories, one which overwhelms and one which could be key to saving them both.

Jody, I really connected with that one. By saying reclusive, you'd told us so much about her without telling us a thing. And we know all sorts of things are going to happen to her. I think you packed a lot in 24 short words.

Jodie, I really like your pitch. It's succinct and fresh. Lots of widows out there but the reclusive part catches my eye. Discussion about introverts is real big right now so you have a popular topic you can play off of. Go for it!

One: When her family and livelihood are taken away, can Payton survive without marriage to the master of Kent Hall? (19)-I don’t usually like names, but this works. I like it!

Two: Little girls are disappearing from birthday parties; will Torey's older sister discover how before more girls are forced into human trafficking? (21)-Spooky and intriguing, but why “Torey’s older sister?” Suggests the reader will not have the immediate interaction with the book.

Three: Can a conservative talk show host anger a listener enough that he attempts to shut her mouth for good? (19) -Ooooh, nice. What about reversing it: Can an angry listener shut a talk show host’s mouth for good? I took out the conservative as it made the sentence bulky. (12)

Four: In spite of her legal blindness, Kelsie Patterson searches for the stranger who suffered a head wound while protecting her during a mass shooting at her local mall. (28)-Sounds like an interesting book. We don’t need her name just yet, or a lot of detail. Just enough to shiver…A blind woman searches for the man injured while saving her life during a mass shooting. (16)

Five: During these uncertain times, what people need most is a good laugh. “The Sense of Humor” will put you on a fast track to healthier, happier living. -Perfect. I’m needing it.

Six: A secret from a grim page of American history threatens to destroy thousands of innocent lives. (16)-Wrote it.

Seven: In A Ton of Gold, a long forgotten folktale leads to murder, arson, and kidnapping. Can Crystal Moore save her only remaining family? Can she save herself? (27)-Interesting book, just needs a tweak by removing names. When a long forgotten folktale leads to murder, arson, and kidnapping, can a mother save herself and her family? (19)

Eight: She's a social coordinator from New York City; he's a Texas bull rider. He thinks she's too polished; she thinks he's insane. (22)-Love it.

Nine: How often must an undercover agent die in order to stay alive? (only 12, woot!)-Perfect.

Ten: A heavy equipment operator must overcome rumors to help battered women, even if it means losing her job and the respect of the man she shouldn't love. (27)Interesting angle. I’m not sure rumors are enough stakes, but love the “man she shouldn’t love.”Eleven: A young teen struggles to understand his mother's rejection until he discovers it was for his own protection. (18)-Perfect.

Twelve: An unexpected friendship with a needy young woman and a midlife romance surprise an Iowa Gold Star mother amidst post WWII challenges. (22)-Looks great. I’d reverse it and take out the “Iowa Gold Star” as I have no idea what that means.Amidst post WWII challenges, a mother’s finds unexpected friendship with a needy young woman and a midlife romance. (18)

Connie, they're both great, but the second one is awesome. The first is fine, but just a tad vague. (then again, it could just be me, I don't do women's fiction very well) :(But the second one had me right now!

There have been a bunch of amazing pitches here, today. Hopefully you all get that one on one in the elevator...remember, no pitches in the rest room,LOL, but take the opportunity in the elevator and let 'em have it. Best wishes to you all.

I love it right up to the "can save those he hurt"I'm not sure where the hurt came in. Did he do something to them while he was searching???? Make that clear and I think you have a winner. Try again???

So much stronger, thanks for taking another stab at it. We tend to want to be vague in our pitches in order to create the sense of wanting our readers to read on, but sometimes, we don't tell enough to get their interest in the first place. For ex.After being betrayed, could she ever trust again? We have no idea what happened to her at all. How about:After her husband's unfaithfulness, would Emma be able to trust a man again? Trust God again?Now we know the betrayal and we find out she's having trust issues not only with men but with God. Sometimes a little is just too little. But your second pitch here spelled out more for us. Way to go!

I appreciate the help. I am very raw on how much detail is needed for each audience. Sometimes the back of the book blurb feels like a movie trailer that gives too much away. But if no one ever reads... But a pitch is different, I'm learning. From my perspective, this appears to be a tough line for many.

MEET THE HARTLINE AGENTS

Joyce Hart, Owner and principal agent

Joyce Hart, owner and principal agent of Hartline Literary Agency has been a literary agent for more than a decade. She was formerly the vice president of marketing of an inspirational publishing company and as the president of Hartline Marketing has nearly thirty-two years of successful experience marketing and promoting books. Joyce has been a pioneer in selling high-quality fiction to the inspirational market and has built an excellent rapport with leading inspirational publishers. A member of ACFW, and the National Association of Professional Women, Joyce is a graduate of Open Bible College, Des Moines, IA now merged with Eugene Bible College in Eugene, Oregon. Joyce is based at Hartline Literary's Pittsburgh headquarters.

Diana Flegal, Agent

Diana currently lives in Asheville NC. A Bible College major in Missions and Anthropology, Diana has been a medical missionary to Haiti, a women's speaker and bible study leader. One of her life's highlights has been teaching apologetics to high school students as preparatory for college. Avid reader and intuitive editor, Diana's represents nonfiction and well written fiction. She has a passion for getting great writers published.

Jim Hart, Agent

Jim Hart is looking for authors who can write unique and engaging fictional suspense, romance, women’s fiction, historical fiction and some sci-fi. Jim is also interested in non-fiction regarding church growth, Christian living, and self-help. Keep in mind that non-fiction topics require a certain level of credentials, experience and expertise. The author will need an appropriate platform to present a non-fiction proposal.

Currently Jim is not looking at children’s, young adult or Biblical fiction proposals.

He holds a degree in Production Journalism and worked for twenty years in direct mail advertising before taking a job with an urban social services agency, where he worked for twelve years. All during his professional career, Jim has served with the local church doing youth ministry and music/worship ministry. He is a credentialed minister with the Assemblies of God, and serves part-time as Worship Pastor in his local church in Southwestern Pennsylvania.

Linda Glaz, Agent

Linda is an experienced editor, reviewer and writer, and for a couple of years was a final reader for Wild Rose Press, then for White Rose Publishing and she worked as an editorial assistant for Hartline Agent Terry Burns. She has judged for numerous contests including the Genesis for the American Christian Fiction Writers, as well as the Emily Award for the West Houston Chapter of the Romance Writers of America. She has been on the faculty for Faithwriters.com annual conference, Maranatha, and is slated for numerous others in 2013. Linda understands writers because she's a writer herself with 4 books releasing in 2013.linda@hartlineliterary.comhttp://lindaglaz.blogspot.com/

Andy Scheer, Agent

Andy has a wealth of experience as a publishing professional with over 18 years as the managing editor of Moody Magazine, 8 years as the managing editor for the Christian Writer’s Guild, and as a free-lance writer and editor. He is a frequent instructor at writing conferences around the country. A journalism graduate from Colorado State University, he also attended Denver Seminary. Andy is a consummate professional and will be a great addition to the Hartline team.