It's Time to Silence Your Inner Critic

Blogger and author Rachel May Stafford shares the three strategies that allowed her to let go of perfection and find happiness.

Three and a half years ago, I experienced an epiphany while out for a morning run. For the first time in my life, I answered the question: "How do you do it all?" honestly. I admitted that I was able to "do it all" because I missed out on the parts of life that really matter — the laughing, playing, and memory making. From that painful realization, I took my first step toward change.

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I began my "hands free" journey in an effort to let go of the daily distractions preventing me from living a present and gratitude-filled life. But in the process of quieting down these external sources of distraction, I discovered there was another type of distraction wreaking havoc on my life: internal distraction — specifically, that inner critic that had unrealistic standards and didn't allow for flaws.

But rather than allowing my inner critic to sabotage my happiness and personal relationships, I took steps toward being kind to myself. Here are my three favorite strategies that enable me to grasp the moments that matter in life:

1. "Only Love Today" Through a painful exchange with my first-born daughter, I discovered that my inner critic was a bully — not only to me, but also to her. I realized I didn't want to live one more day tearing my child or myself down in an effort to appear "perfect."

I began my transformation that very day by replacing every negative comment with a healing phrase. For example, as I was preparing to leave the house, I looked at my reflection and thought, "You look fat. You can't go out looking like that."

"Stop!" I thought to myself. Then I turned from the mirror and recited: "Only love today. Only love today."

I used the same strategy with my daughter a few minutes later. Before any harsh words came out of my mouth, I cut off my inner critic by saying, "Stop. Only love today." Then I swallowed what I was about to say and relaxed my disapproving face.

Within mere days of using the "stop" technique, I noticed a change: It was easier to let go of the need to control, dictate, and criticize. My daughter also began taking more chances and started revealing her true passions.

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Nothing she did was perfect, but the moment I said something positive she blossomed a little more. I began to clearly see beyond the mistakes and messes to what was truly important.

2. "Good Enough for Today" The years I spent pursing perfection left a wound on my spirit. That wound deepened to the point that I stopped myself from sharing my thoughts and ideas if I feared they would come out wrong. I shied away from living, laughing, and pursuing my dreams because I thought I might not measure up. But that changed one day when I was preparing for a news interview.

My younger daughter looked at me in sweatpants and said, "I think you look good enough for an interview." And then she drew a picture of me. It was a smiling lady holding a burst of gold.

"I messed up on your hair, but that's not what's important," she declared with confidence.

And because I wanted to resemble the happy lady in the picture who held a star in her hand, not a hairbrush, I adopted her brilliant motto: "Good enough for today."

When I don't want to spend another minute fussing over my appearance, my house, or my daily achievements, I simply say, "Good enough for today." Each time I let go of perfect and allow myself to show up "as is," the bruises on my wounded spirit fade a little more.

3. Make It a Hat Day I started wearing hats when I was striving to make time for what really mattered. Little did I know the profound freedom it would bring! Ditching perfectly styled hair and other unnecessary pressures opened up many opportunities to let go and live. Funny thing is, my daughters are following in my footsteps — because time is too precious to waste on styling your hair when you could be playing or singing a song.

As these practices became a part of my life, I was able to let go of perfection and live my life doing what made me happy, fulfilled, and alive. At last, I am living life with open hands, open eyes, and an open heart.

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