Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Why I Don't Mind Turning 30

This is one of the many pieces I'll be
re-sharing here over the next year. This originally published on Hello
Giggles, but since I am not writing for them anymore, it's important to
me to have all of my writing in one place. If this is the second time
you've seen this, I hope you don't mind too much! Enjoy.

Today is my 30th birthday, and I can’t even tell you the amount of times I’ve had
people make a huge deal out of this shift into a new decade.
Nine times out of ten, I hear my peers commiserating over “30," saying
it in whispered tones, turning 30 into the Voldemort of birthdays.
Growing up I can still remember a friend’s older sister who celebrated
her 29th birthday four times, and I have a cousin who to this day won’t
recognize the fact that she entered her 30s…in the ’90s.

But why do we have such an aversion to ending our 20s? What about 30 is so scary?

As for me, my 20s were amazing. Wild. Beautiful, even. In between
all of life’s important moments, the bullet points on the broad timeline
of this past decade, there’s been a whole lot of figuring it out – “it”
being, you guessed it, life. Now, at the fairly young age of newly-30 I still
have a long, long way to go, but I am fairly certain that as my life
goes on, I will look back to my 20s as a time of self-discovery. And if
that is indeed the case, then I am hoping that my 30s will be a time to
enjoy all of the “stuff” I figured out.

I think some people are scared of 30 because it feels like the end of
youth, that it’s a distinct marker between being young and getting
older. I’ve talked to a few girl friends about it, and some have told me
that it’s a birthday that makes them feel not only old, but as if they
should be doing something. And more often than not, their something doesn’t exactly match up to their fantasy of what a 30-year old should be doing.

It’s hard trying to measure up when you’ve created an imaginary ruler
in your mind. And I think it’s easy to get caught up with dreading
birthdays rather than celebrating them. But when you really think about
it, is there a more joyous occasion than marking the passing of a year,
noting all of its lessons, trials and triumphs, and gearing up for a new
one?

Like I said above, I loved this past decade. But so much of it was
spent trying to find myself, and with that comes a roller-coaster of
emotion. During these past 10 years I became an adult. I went away to
college and learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined. I
dated the wrong guys and figured out exactly the kind of qualities I
wanted in a partner. I made new friends, I lost some old ones. I
realized that the only constant in this world is change, and sometimes
the hardest part of growing up is letting go of relationships that I
thought would last forever. But the silver lining? Realizing that life
is all about meaningful connections. And knowing this allows me to keep
“quality over quantity” in mind and put time and effort into those who
matter, forging strong bonds with just a few people rather than many.

To me, turning 30 is exciting. I know who I am, I know what I want
out of life and for the most part, I’ve figured out how to get there.
It’s not even about accomplishments; married or not, children or none,
career or still figuring it out – it’s about self-realization and being
able to say, “Hey, you- I love you!” to that reflection in the mirror.
Accepting myself has been the hardest journey of all, and although I’m
not there yet, I’m a heck of a lot closer than I was at 21.

And the best part? I’m at a point where I fully realize that I am the
master of my own destiny. The maker of my day. The determiner of my
future. I’ve grown up and away from blaming others for my mistakes or
unhappiness. I’ve learned that I can look to no one else when I fail or
succeed. It’s all me. And I now know that it’s futile to try to live up
to anyone else’s idea of success or happiness. This is my one life, and
I’m sure as hell not going to waste it trying to people-please. Everyone
will always have an opinion, but unlike my 20-something self, my 30 year old self now knows to take what others say with a grain of salt. I
will never be able to please ‘em all. Each individual in this wide,
wide world has an idea of what living this life is to them, and my
choices will always, always go against someone’s, somehow.

So as I look back and think about all of the things I’ve learned, I
feel lucky that everything I’m taking away from this decade I get to
practice in a new one. My 30s are a time for taking care of myself and
being healthy. It’s about enjoying the time I have and savoring every
single moment with my loved ones. It’s about being kind. It’s about
looking back at the beautiful naivety of my 20s with humor and
acceptance, and realizing that it’s all brought me to this very moment.

And so I welcome in this next decade. I’m excited. Bring out the
party hats, the noise makers, put up the streamers and blow up the
balloons! I couldn’t be happier to enter this next chapter, a time that
I wholeheartedly believe will be the best yet. And I hope you’ll join
me. I’m so over feeling like I should dread each impending birthday,
especially this one. I want to celebrate everywhere I’ve been and
everywhere I’m going. I want to live this one life of mine- really,
really live it- and at the end of my journey I want to look back down
the road and feel a sense of pride and accomplishment that I truly did.

LOVE this post. And I totally get how you feel. I'm a little bit away from 30 (I just turned 24), but I see 30 as a good place. I feel like I am still finding myself, still settling into my skin, and I feel like 30 is going to be about that time I might get it right. My husband, on the other hand, believes that once you hit 30 "your life is over." I don't know why, but he feels like he has to do everything and have all the children before he's 30. I love your outlook though. I hope I'm saying that in six years...

Happy Birthday to you.. I too will be turning this year (in November) and I've been absolutely dreading it. 30, single, no kids and still trying to figure out a career, eek! But I like how you're focusing on putting the reckless, ignorant 20's to rest. Now that's a train of thought I can get behind! Thanks for such great advice :)

Yes, this was said perfectly D :) I was nervous about turning 30 too, but like you said - you finally know what you want out of life and you know how to get there. I look forward to creating our lovely home and extending our little family in the coming years. My goals have become less about myself and more about my family on a whole :) thank you for sharing. toni xo

I loved this post the first time, and I love it again now. As I approach the oft-dreaded four-oh, I do so with this mind frame. I look forward to what the next decade holds for me, as I think everyone should. It's the beginning of a new chapter, a door for new experiences and personally, I can't wait.

Happy birthday, Danielle! I'm excited over how excited you are :) I was one of those people who was afraid of leaving my 20s behind because like you said, it in a way feels like the end of your youth. but i certainly wouldn't want to go back because i know who i am now and where i'm going in life compared to in my 20s and teens. Enjoy your day :)

Happy birthday! It's funny, because I'm nineteen and terrified of turning twenty this year! I have all these ideas and preconceptions about what I should have been doing by this age, with so many accomplished people having done so much already! I'm scared for my twenties, because I see an 'end point' which I hope to get to (career, marriage, babies - being a mum is my number one goal) but then the idea of the journey to it is just so terrifying. This time last year I would have said I could see myself eventually getting married to my boyfriend (who I was with for five years), but things change so quickly, like you say. I love reading your blog because you are open about how sometimes things are difficult, but focus on the positive and look forward to the future - you have such a great outlook. This post has made me a little less scared about growing up, knowing that other people need time to 'sort things out' too. Thank you! (sorry for the ridiculously lengthy post!)

Love this! I just turned 30 a couple of months ago and wow...i freaked out! But I came to grips with it and COMPLETELY agree with letting my 30's be a time of taking care of myself and being healthy and the most beautiful I have ever been. Thanks for this...I'm not alone! :)

I turned 30 a few years ago and it is shaping up to be my best decade yet. I've figured out more about who I am, who I want to be, and other's expectations enter into that equation much less. So yeah, I know how you feel. Enjoy your birthday. : )

I totally agree with every word in this post. I'm really lucky that even in my late teens/early twenties, my wonderful stepmother told me how amazing 30 is. "The thing about turning 30" she said "is that you stop giving a damn about what people think you should be doing - you've got just that little bit more confidence, and a little bit more savvy, and you just stop listening to what everyone else says and live for yourself and those you love".

happy birthday dear! i know i mentioned this before, but my 30s have been the most amazing times of my life. i feel so focused on the important aspects of my life. family. children. friends. good health.

I was really excited to turn 30. It was such a huge blur - I had just had a baby and wasn't in the most rested state of mind. But you know what? Being in my 30s is awesome! I am enjoying the freedom of just being me. Happy birthday! Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Happy Happy Birthday to you :)I love how embracing you are of this new chapter in your life.I especially love your comment "I’m at a point where I fully realize that I am the master of my own destiny"... beyond exceptional.Enjoy this new chapter of your book of life. xx

Happy Birthday! This is so inspiring, its sad how we're made to dread getting older and feel pressured to have achieved certain things by certain ages. This has made me realise that that's all a load of rubbish! x

I hope you had a great birthday! I am glad you are turning thirty with so much positivity! I can't wait to be into my thirties and out of my twenties, I feel like they have been happening for way too long :)

"The Voldemort of birthdays." Ha! Yes, that is what most of my peers made 30 sound like. All of the Facebook statuses leading up to their 30th were...well, kind of miserable and depressing. But there I was bouncing around alone in anticipation for 30! I couldn't wait! So far 30 hasn't proven me wrong. It's been the year I've gotten engaged and I feel like I've never been more true to myself than I have this year. I'm certain that this decade will be an amazing one. I hope it is for you, too! Happy Birthday! :)

happy birthday, it seems like every 5 years i have a major panic attack on my birthday. at 25 i thought i was already too old and had wasted my life going in the wrong direction. then i turned 30, and still hadn't figured out where that direction was supposed to be. just in my mind, i wasn't where i was supposed to be. then last year i turned 35. 35!

i sat questioning how another 5 years had gone by. why had i not met my goals. why was i still not happy. it was at that point i said no more! i know i am always going to be thinking the "what if's and the shoulda, couldas", thats just how my brain operates. but i need to put me first. i need to sit back and do something for me. i need to work toward a new goal, a goal of just living simply, and simply being happy. if i get there - who cares what that number is? i still look like i'm 18 anyway. if i really wanted i could definitely tell someone i was 10 years younger than i am and no one would ever question it - though they might still think i'm not that old, haha.

but good for you! good for you to embrace that "step". embrace your 30's and learn from your 20's. i wouldnt necessarily go back into my 20's i'd just like to have an additional 10 years at that age, knowing what i know now =) happy birthday again!

I think I stumbled upon your blog and this post at just the right time! I'm currently 'staring down the barrel of 30" as a few of my friends have called it and it does scare me a little. Like you said, you feel like you should be a fully fledged adult and have accomplished all the things the naieve teenage you envisages at such a 'grand old age'. But like you as much as I've loved my 20s I wouldn't want to relive them and I'm excited about what my 30s will have to offer. So an early happy birthday and thank you for encouraging me to embrace this next birthday and not cower away from it as so many people seem to think one should!!

I totally agree with you on, I think, every point. Although I just turned 25 this year ;-) The thing about letting people go, making new friends and making the choice between quality and quantity. I've been there. And still figuring out - for some people - to which group they belong. It's very hard to make that choice sometimes, but in the end, you'll always feel better. AND there's more time to spend with the people who really are important.

I've just found this post and I know I'm seriously late to the party but whilst googling 'how to cope with turning 30' I found your blog and MAN AM I GLAD I DID. I was awash with articles about how men only want women in their twenties, about how my biological clock is going to kick off like Big Ben. I was ready to throw myself off a building. In 6 months I turn 30 and I have no idea what I feel about it, I'm panicked, scared, I've always been someone who is mentally 17. Still loving the music and shows I watched at that age, but I look now and I feel still I haven't accomplished enough. I'm engaged to a wonderful man, I've just finished my PhD, and still I don't feel like it's enough, I'm still terrified that I've wasted my 20s, wasted my youth in books and diets, in hating how I looked and not knowing what to do about it. But here I am, and I genuinely am so glad to have found your post, the countdown is on, I will be taking your advice, this is a new decade.

Just found this. I wholeheartedly love and agree with everything you said. The last 5 weeks of my 20's are upon me and I am so grateful for everything I experienced...messed up...did right...learned from...etc. Such a time to celebrate! Thanks for your post!