I've got a bag of
Nixon
I Yi Yi've got a bag of
Nixon
I Yi Yi've got a bag of Nixon;
Strapped to my body
Like a low slung fanny pack

Born with it, bound to it, all up and down with it!

I've got a bag of Nixon
And it's swollen with poison
And ready to
BLOW!

THAT BACKSTABBING WINO

Said he hailed from Skowhegan Maine
But he also said
He'd been a racecar driver
And was dieing of
Throat cancer.
Claimed he'd been
Sandy Koufax's
College roommate
And showed me an
Indecipherable washed out tattoo
The very twin of which he swore
You'd find
On Sandy's very Golden Arm.
If you dug him up.
A load of crap,
But I got a pack
Of Marlboros for him on
My own damn dime just
To hear him yammer on about
The time he caught Sal Mineo
Necking with a Midget Swede
On the set of
"Escape from the
Planet of the Apes."

Why did I count
On him?

Never trust a man who sleeps
In the same suit
Three days running.

PERSPECTIVE

I used to dream
I hung out
With the Bionic Man.
Ol' Steve n' me would put our feet up
(Mine flesh, his machine)
And slug back a few cold ones.

I was Ten.

My Old Man said:
"If by some fluke
Of science, they could
Affix a pile driver robot arm
To a man,
The first time he
Punched it through a wall
The shockwaves would
Rattle the remaining human
Flesh off his remaining human
Bones! It's Newton's First
Fucking Law!

My childhood
Was all about
The tradeoffs.

TRUE LOVE

I yell at you
Because you're always there
For me.
If I yelled at someone else
I'd have to yell a lot louder
Because you're the closest
One to me there is
And I don't want to
Strain my throat.

HAIKU OBITUARY WITH EXTRA SYLLABLES AND LINES

So sorry. My work
Will not be finished on time.
My mind has been caught
By Oscars roll call of the dead where among the fallen
I saw Jack Wild, taken too young by Mouth cancer,
Former Artful Dodger, Castaway on Living Island, his
Magic talkin' Freddie Flute lusted for by Witchypoo (Billy West, Man,
Woman,
Hermaphrodite?};
Friend to Puff n' Stuff, that ineffectual foam rubber
Fuck, his career never to be rescued, jobless, alcoholic,
His voice box eventually cut out;
Should have stuffed notes
In all those dead soldiers, that's how you get off an Island,
But too late, too late, far too late
No one returns from Sid and Marty Kroft.

GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE

She screams like a monkey
When I brush her hair
When I walk her to school
She says "No Car
No Fair!" She's a
Scrawny little sack
Of T-N-T
She's got a...

PEE PEE EMERGENCY
She's got a
PEE PEE EMERGENCY

Ooooooooh-WUH
She getting' angry
But she won't say why
Ooooooooh-WUH
One or both of us is bound to cry

This terrorizing Teeny
Wouldn't kneel before Zod,
She's a Super Nova Weenie
On a mission from God,
A hairless squirrel
On Crystal Meth.
An elemental demon but I
Love her to death

Ooooooooh-WUH
She makes me miss my train
Most every day
Ooooooooh-WUH
One or both of us is going to pay

She's agin' me faster than-a
Rip Van Winkle
I'm zippin' up her snowsuit
An' she gotta go tinkle
If I'm late to work again
It's a pink slip for me