I'm feeling particularly rotten today, worse than I have in some time. Just utter utter exhaustion and moderate but constant nausea. I have all these things I feel like I should be doing, but I've mostly just been lying on the couch feeling cruddy.

I'm thinking about going up to stay at Green Gulch Farm for a couple nights sometime soon, just to try to briefly escape all the things that are stressing me out. A sort of temporary refuge. Maybe take some art supplies, some Thich Nhat Hanh on audio, and just try to avoid thinking about my kidneys or my central nervous system for 48 hours or so. I'll still have to deal with how I'm feeling physically, of course, and I'd have to pack plenty of candied ginger and clothes that don't bind at the waist, but it might help with my emotional well-being … and that, in turn, might make the physical health worries easier to deal with. An effort to replenish my energy stores.

I've stayed at Green Gulch a few times before, and it's a wonderfully quiet, sheltered, peaceful, beautiful place, with extensive flower and vegetable gardens and an easy walk to the ocean. There are dharma talks on some evenings. They also have a beutiful zendo, where I could give meditation a try, after a long time away from the practice.

I'd have to wait until an acceptable neurology appointment had been made, of course, and keep my other scheduled doctor appointments, but once I have an appointment with a neurologist, I'll mostly just be sitting around and waiting to find out what's up with my body. Stressful. If some of it could be spent doing something that reduces that stress, then it sounds like a good idea.

So I'm thinking sometime in the next couple weeks I'll go up to Green Gulch. I have to find out when they have availability in their guest house, of course, and I'll have to figure out how to get up there & back, but it's only actually about 28 miles away. They have a ride share board, so I may be able to get a ride that way, or -- if not -- I'll see if I can persuade a friend to drive me up there. It's possible to get there on public transit in a pinch, which is how I've done it before, but that takes hours and involves a lot of transferring between different transit systems, which sounds very much not worth it right now.

Well, first I have to work out this neurology appointment, then I can check out the room availability at Green Gulch, then I can figure out how to get there & back. In the meantime, I'm eating candied ginger, feeling sorry for myself, and checking my email every 10 minutes or so to see if my doctor has any news about the neurology appointment.