Sanfords Mysteriously Vanish

Look out, Mark!

By Sara K. Smith •Published July 16, 2009•Updated on July 16, 2009 at 3:00 pm

NBC10

Mark Sanford and his wife have departed for an unknown destination to do whatever, perhaps heal their marriage or figure out how he's going to resign or maybe just catch up on their Netflix queue. Who knows? Nobody, because it's their business. But we can speculate!

While her husband was running around looking like a common jackanapes from Argentina to Atlanta, Jenny Sanford kept her dignity. The world watched and waited to see what she would do with her dreadful, lovestruck weasel of a husband, and finally they got their answer. She'd take him back, and he'd get to keep his job -- but he would owe her, big time.

Who put in the calls to make sure Mark Sanford remained governor? Jenny.

Jenny Sanford’s public words — and private calls to key officials, three sources say — appealed to the faith of many South Carolinians.

“The key player in all of this is Jenny,” said Richard Quinn of Columbia, a political consultant to many of the state’s leading Republicans. “If she wanted him to resign, he would have.”

[...] “It was a close circle of friends” who received calls from Jenny Sanford, said state Sen. Larry Grooms, R-Berkeley, a Sanford ally who has called for his resignation. “She saw his entire career tumbling. She was the only one who could throw him a lifeline.”

The obvious question is, what's in it for her? Being a political spouse can be fun, as long as your mate holds real power, but Mark Sanford will probably have a pretty hard time corralling a recalcitrant state Legislature with his term almost up and his credibility wrecked. Maybe she actually loves him, and wants to save the marriage or something.

Ha ha ha. Just kidding.

As you go about your errands this weekend, say a prayer for poor Mark Sanford, who is doubtless locked up in a dungeon in darkest Appalachia, getting pummeled senseless by America's Heroine, Jenny.