As you know, the Kennel Fair Dog Pageant prides itself on hosting the absolute cream of the canine crop. We endeavor to celebrate the canine form at its best, and reward only those rare specimens that exemplify what it means to be "top dog."

That is why it is so difficult for me to pen this letter. I can't for the life of me remember if your dog was the one I liked the best.

If your dog is the one I am thinking of, he or she should have a really nice coat of fur with a distinctive--but not distracting--patch of white somewhere on his or her body. I think maybe the side? Also it was a bigger dog, I recall, roughly the size of a full-grown Golden Retriever. I do remember the dog was not a Retriever. I'm sure a photo would jog my memory if you could be so kind as to mail one.

If this is your dog please accept my humble invitation to the Kennel Fair Dog Pageant semifinals, where some of America's best dogs come to strut their stuff.

If this is not your dog, I offer my apologies. I regret to inform you that your canine did not meet our exacting criteria. Do not be discouraged! Many non-qualifying dogs are still perfectly fine companions and friends. No dog is truly a "loser."

With kindest regards,

Richard W. Beauregard

President

Dear Mann Family,

I must confess that I am in a bit of a pickle here. I am extremely embarrassed to even have to write this, but I believe you may have taken our esteemed Judge Elizabeth Beemarsh home in lieu of your beautiful Afghan Hound, Miss Sureshine Allbright Regalsun.

As Mrs. Beemarsh is an integral part of our organization, we kindly ask that you return her at once. And though it may seem she does not possess all her mental faculties, we assure you Judge Beemarsh is as sharp as a tack when you place a fine quality canine in front of her.

Mrs. Beemarsh has the very same hairstyle as your Afghan Hound, which is likely where the confusion arose. We think your dog is great and Judge Chester Knap says she is a "real beauty." Please write back at once so we may discuss the terms and location for the exchange.

Eager to hear back,

Richard W. Beauregard

President

Dear Mann Family,

I am completely beside myself in embarrassment. We mistook our beloved colleague for your beautiful Afghan Hound, Miss Sureshine Allbright Regalsun. As we mentioned before, your dog left quite an impression on us, which is probably why we first suspected the switcheroo. That, and the nearly identical hairstyles.

Anyway, we ask that you kindly disregard our last letter. Although your dog left a great impression on us and is indeed without comparison, we feel it would be best to part ways here in order to avoid any further awkwardness.

About this series

Kennel Fair is one of the premier organizations celebrating the majesty of the canine form. Through its numerous publications and ongoing Dog Pageants--hosted throughout the United States-- Kennel Fair sets the standards all dogs and their owners strive to meet.