Tuesday, June 27, 2017

The Juiciest Peach

I’ve had this quote sitting here for days now, trying to find the words to say what I want to say. So here is a free write to say all the things I hope to say about it.

I’ve been told that I’m a sinner and that I’m a saint. I’ve been told that I’m immodest and that I’m modest. I’ve been told to cover up, and to show more skin. I’ve been told that I’m not attractive, and that I’m attractive. I’ve been loved deeply and I’ve felt the sharp pain of rejection.

Add in dating and the constant flood of both approval and disapproval, and it’s enough to make someone (think they’re) crazy. (And add in any sort of relationship—acquaintance, friend, marriage, etc. and other dynamics come into play). It’s all very exhausting and it can make a woman wonder, “Is there a deserted island I can just hang at for a while? Alone? With maybe chocolate cake and Netflix?”

A friend sent me that quote in the midst of some of this chaos. I will say, I really like peaches. I also like to believe that I see value in all people, in some way or another. I’d like to throw a peach in a smoothie for anyone who doesn’t like peaches and see what they say then, and I’d like to sit you down, dear reader, and tell you all the reasons why you have every ounce of worth in the world and are amazing and vibrant and beautiful exactly as you are.

But I don’t think that would really matter. Someone recently told me they were not attracted to me and it knocked me off my center for days. I sought validation from anyone and everyone. “I’m not ugly though, right?” “I’m attractive, right?” And yet, because this one person said it, that’s all I heard, even if every single other person could sit me down and tell me that list of why I’m amazing and vibrant and beautiful exactly as I am. And it is ridiculous that I just wouldn’t hear them!— or myself!

I’m the juiciest peach—you are the juiciest peach, WE are the juiciest peaches—and some people just don’t like peaches. But I do.

I’ve made an intention to focus on that—my own love of myself. Some days that means making sure I do something that I love, that makes me feel alive, and really savoring that. Some days that means carrying around a gratitude list in my pocket and jotting down things I’m grateful for as they come to my mind. Some days that means checking myself out in a mirror, because DANG. ;) And every day that means doing any practice or good habit that helps me feel that love and appreciation for myself, in all my juicy wonderfulness. That is the validation that means more than anyone else’s, and that is the validation that can last (with just a bit of effort so as to not forget!)