Mean Girls Are Hurting the Most

04/20/2015 02:30 pm ETUpdated
Jun 20, 2015

As humans, when we hurt, we each have a different baseline emotion that we easily connect to. For me, I get sad. In fact, it is very hard for me to get angry. I have to dig deep to access that feeling and release it when I need to. However, for some, the easiest emotion to connect to is anger.

Over the last few months, I have been dealing with someone who is very cruel. I mean, she is the worst of the worst. I will never understand why she has so much anger towards me, but there is one thing that I do understand, and that is what I want to share with you. Her anger and her emotions have nothing to do with me. You see, when people go to anger, it is usually because it is the easiest emotion to access. Weaker people tend to use their anger as a shield to avoid having to process their sadness, or face certain realities head on. The emotion of anger is often used as a tool to block and protect people from dealing with their pain. Instead people tend to project their sadness, insecurities, and hurt onto others, disguised as anger. Anger is the most cowardly of all emotions, and it is usually the weakest people who hide behind it.

Anger and cruelty stem from people who are usually hurting the most. Cruelty comes from those who are the most insecure, who are not yet comfortable in their own skin, have not developed a strong sense of self-worth and who have yet to make major shifts in their lives to access inner peace and happiness. To be kind and caring to everyone regardless of the circumstances takes courage and strength, and only the most emotionally developed people can access this state of being at all times. This state of enlightenment that allows us to be unphased by the negative behavior of others, takes a lot of self-reflection. It's truly a priceless experience to be unaffected by other people, and to realize that you are in full control of not only your behavior, but also your happiness.

It is with this clear understanding that I can simply accept and acknowledge that acts of hate, cruelty and rage are a direct link to the level of hurt that the person is feeling inside. I once read about an African tribe who punishes someone when they are out of line, in the most beautiful way. Everyone in the tribe comes to the center of town, stands in a circle and surrounds the person who has done wrong. They each take turns shouting out something that they love about this person. They access the root of the problem in order to heal the hurt, disguised as anger, that has resulted in negative behavior. In our society, we tend to only punish negative behavior. We add fuel to the fire, and we continue to bring that same person down. This in turn only increases their sadness, they're hurt, and in result makes them even crueler than they already were.

If you are so lucky to be kind, to love yourself and to love others no matter how hurtful they can be, then you should feel blessed. You have risen above the norms of today's society and you are more emotionally evolved than those who project negativity. You can go to bed at night with a smile on your face and feel lucky to be who you are. Since you were given this gift, use it to the best of your ability. Acknowledge how much they must be hurting inside to act out. Show compassion for cruel people and their behavior, and try to use your strength to lift them up. Be the change you want to see in this world, and always rise above.