I’m going to start writing my own weather forecasts every summer, like the Farmer's Almanac that forecasts the weather from the amount of acorns dropping from trees or how fuzzy the wooly bear caterpillar is. But, I am going to make the forecast with a whole new set of criteria. Here’s why: With the amount of critters invading my home since late summer/early fall, nature was just screaming its forecast to me. That forecast: It’s going to be a long, hard, freezing winter. And, it ain’t over yet. It started this fall. “Flying ants” invaded my laundry room. They would fly around the room and then die in a blaze of glory, usually atop a basket of clean clothes.That’s weird, I thought, why do I have ants all of a sudden?I googled flying ants and discovered that I really had a termite infestation. Awesome. Turns out the termites had built quite a complex underground city in my garage, complete with light rail and the equivalent of Fourth Street Live near my refrigerator. That problem doesn’t solve itself, so we had to call in the big guns and basically bomb the garage with chemicals. That was a hefty bill.A couple months later, I noticed these strange “beetles” in huge droves crawling up the side of my house. A gaggle of gremlins. A clan of critters. A vestige of varmints. They were all crawling up the side of my house to the vents near my roof. I had never ever seen these bugs before in my life. Turns out they were stinkbugs looking for my attic or any other warm place to go nest for the winter. I called an exterminator, who told me that he could not kill them. They were going somewhere warm to hibernate and they would eventually die in my house. Great, I’m cohabiting with insects.That’s weird, I thought, why do I have stinkbugs all over my house all of a sudden?A week after the stinkbugs started migrating illegally to my abode, we started catching a mouse a day in our ever-present mousetrap in the kitchen. In the ten years we have lived in this house, we have consistently caught mice near our kitchen sink. But, it was only during the winter and it was maybe one a month. It was enough to keep a trap at the ready, but not enough to hit the panic button. One a day made me hit the panic button.That’s weird, I thought, why do I have an infestation of mice all of a sudden?After an in-depth mouse consultation, turns out I had a nest in the garage that had probably been there over 10 years. They must have had a baby boom in that nest and they were all coming up for dinner in my kitchen every night.What’s the point of these tales of infestation? Could be a sign of the apocalypse? Could it be the one of four horsemen of death (probably qualifies as pestilence)? Cue the locusts and the river of blood?If the pattern is right, it tells me that they were all looking for a home for the winter. Somewhere to settle in, nest, drink out of my new Keurig coffeemaker, eat my snacks, maybe watch "Downton Abbey" with me. Since I had never met any of them before in such large numbers, I should have known that they were privy to early weather information that the rest of us humans were not. They knew to get the heck out of Dodge. (Dodge being their outdoor normal abodes where they need to live 100% of the time).Hindsight is definitely 20/20. Next year, I’ll monitor all of these critters to see if they make a comeback. If they do, I’ll fire a warning shot telling everyone to get ready to hunker down, it’s coming again. The White Death. The Snow Days.Look for a copy of Heidi’s Not-So Farmer's Almanac next summer. And, be sure to buy your snow boots when they go on sale this summer just in case.

I’m going to start writing my own weather forecasts every summer, like the Farmer's Almanac that forecasts the weather from the amount of acorns dropping from trees or how fuzzy the wooly bear caterpillar is. But, I am going to make the forecast with a whole new set of criteria. Here’s why: With the amount of critters invading my home since late summer/early fall, nature was just screaming its forecast to me.

That forecast: It’s going to be a long, hard, freezing winter. And, it ain’t over yet.

Advertisement

It started this fall. “Flying ants” invaded my laundry room. They would fly around the room and then die in a blaze of glory, usually atop a basket of clean clothes.

That’s weird, I thought, why do I have ants all of a sudden?

I googled flying ants and discovered that I really had a termite infestation. Awesome. Turns out the termites had built quite a complex underground city in my garage, complete with light rail and the equivalent of Fourth Street Live near my refrigerator. That problem doesn’t solve itself, so we had to call in the big guns and basically bomb the garage with chemicals. That was a hefty bill.

A couple months later, I noticed these strange “beetles” in huge droves crawling up the side of my house. A gaggle of gremlins. A clan of critters. A vestige of varmints. They were all crawling up the side of my house to the vents near my roof. I had never ever seen these bugs before in my life. Turns out they were stinkbugs looking for my attic or any other warm place to go nest for the winter. I called an exterminator, who told me that he could not kill them. They were going somewhere warm to hibernate and they would eventually die in my house. Great, I’m cohabiting with insects.

That’s weird, I thought, why do I have stinkbugs all over my house all of a sudden?

A week after the stinkbugs started migrating illegally to my abode, we started catching a mouse a day in our ever-present mousetrap in the kitchen. In the ten years we have lived in this house, we have consistently caught mice near our kitchen sink. But, it was only during the winter and it was maybe one a month. It was enough to keep a trap at the ready, but not enough to hit the panic button. One a day made me hit the panic button.

That’s weird, I thought, why do I have an infestation of mice all of a sudden?

After an in-depth mouse consultation, turns out I had a nest in the garage that had probably been there over 10 years. They must have had a baby boom in that nest and they were all coming up for dinner in my kitchen every night.

What’s the point of these tales of infestation? Could be a sign of the apocalypse? Could it be the one of four horsemen of death (probably qualifies as pestilence)? Cue the locusts and the river of blood?

If the pattern is right, it tells me that they were all looking for a home for the winter. Somewhere to settle in, nest, drink out of my new Keurig coffeemaker, eat my snacks, maybe watch "Downton Abbey" with me. Since I had never met any of them before in such large numbers, I should have known that they were privy to early weather information that the rest of us humans were not. They knew to get the heck out of Dodge. (Dodge being their outdoor normal abodes where they need to live 100% of the time).

Hindsight is definitely 20/20. Next year, I’ll monitor all of these critters to see if they make a comeback. If they do, I’ll fire a warning shot telling everyone to get ready to hunker down, it’s coming again. The White Death. The Snow Days.

Look for a copy of Heidi’s Not-So Farmer's Almanac next summer. And, be sure to buy your snow boots when they go on sale this summer just in case.