Strategies to help manage a pedantic 7yo, please.

My dd1 is 7.7yo and just started Y3. She's very bright and can be very loving and affectionate when she's in the mood. She can be very grumpy and pedantic when in the mood!

She had a difficult school year in Y1 where she didn't reach the expected standards on her Y1 phonics test. She aced the result in Y2 and is working to the expected standard now. Lots of good teaching and hard work from dd over the course of last year to thank for that.

The drawback was that she was mentally exhausted come the 6w holidays. We moved house just before the holidays; I am 38w pg now (also have a 4yo dd). So, there has been a big change, with another big change to come.

My dd1 had some friendship issues in the last half term, but the offending child has now moved school. Dd relaxed over the 6w holidays and was a joy for the last 2-3w. My problem is that she seems to have fallen back into her old habits this morning, and I've returned home with such a headache. I can't go on morning after morning with the constant grumpy attitude and pedantry. Typical comments and situations are:

Me: Just use the butter knife over there for your toast Dd: [very seriously] It isn't a butter knife. You should say 'the knife with butter on'

Dd: What days did I used to go to preschool?Me: Wednesdays and FridaysDd:. [very seriously] No. It was Tuesday's and FridaysMe: Why do you ask me when you know the answer?!

It's time to do her hair. She asks me to tie it in a bun, which I do, but complains her hair feels heavy. She will physically strop and pull at her hair. I then have to tie it again. This drives me mad. She is very fussy when it comes to clothes and hair/how clothes and hairstyles feel, which makes me feel like I'm constantly placating her (and it doesn't always work. I, or her dsis, often become the target for flack).

She's also taken to teasing her dsis by taking stuff, like her hair clips, and hiding them.

Any strategies to help me calmly manage her behaviour would be most welcome.

Oh my son was the same (he is nearly 8yo now) We still have episodes but not nearly as bad now!

What seemed to work was pointing out that he did know what I meant. I used to say 'can tell me what I meant?' 'Ah so you did know!'

I also explained (every time!) that the fun thing about language is that we have to be clever enough to crack the code! So if I say (with sarcastic voice) 'yummy! I really want a second helping of sprouts' - do I really mean that? can you decode what I really mean? It's a really grown up skill to be able to decode the meaning from my words.

I explained that people don't like to hear that they are wrong and may not find it much fun to spend time with someone who is telling them they are wrong.

I do think it is all about awareness of growing up and having control - being able to tell someone they are wrong is quite a powerful thing - especially if it's a grown up! Perhaps by sharing the secret of decoding language it might help her to see it is even more grown up to crack the code than to tell someone they are wrong!!

No advice but my 7yr old is the exact same. For example I will say something, then he will say- what did you say before you said that. I will say I can't remember, then he will tell me what I originally said. Does it to teachers at school. He really struggles with handwriting and we're trying to get him an assessment for dyspraxia. I think he overcompensates for his writing difficulties with his pedantry.