Friday, February 6, 2009

The Empire--and Alex--Strike Back

So, finally, I've watched Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. And the plan is to watch the third movie (or the sixth, or whatever the heck it is) by week's end.

Now, in lieu of starting with a review (hey that rhymes) I'm going to first tell you a story. It is one of Pity and Woe, and unfortunately, one that will forever be linked together with my viewing of Empire.

And it will serve as further proof that my life was better off back before I knew what the heck a Jawa was.

For, you see, just after watching Empire, I climbed into my car and started making my way back home. Now, I have an epically bad sense of direction, so of course, I made a wrong turn almost immediately, down a dark and streetlight-less side road.

I knew right away (well, almost right away) that I had made a wrong turn, as this weird, winding industrial row looked very new to me. Now, the wannabe writer in me must have taken over, because instead of turning around as soon as I could, I decided to venture down the winding road, thinking all the while that this would be a very good place to get murdered with an ax, or to dump a body, or to have mafia guys discuss their latest "job."

So, of course, I had to go all the way to the end of the street.

Finally, I decided to turn around, and make my way back to the main road from which I had diverted. Now, the ride down the street was nice, and smooth, and decidedly devoid of gaping-potholes-the-size-of-who-knows-what.

The road back, however...

Well, let's just say I heard a loud noise, the car shook, and then my tire exploded like the Death Star in New Hope. (See, there is some Star Wars-y stuff in this post). Now, to be fair, this wasn't a "pothole," but as I would find the next day when I returned to the scene, rather recently uncovered railway tracks.

And my car is pretty low to the ground, so when you add those two things together...well, let's just say it was an expensive weekend for Alex. Oh! And I had my credit card stolen. Which was fun-tastic. Two totally un-related events, or so it would seem.

Now, the real question here is, is Star Wars responsible for all this recent trouble? And the answer that I have come up with is, yes--yes, it is. Illogical, you ask? Well, you just hold tight there, Captain Kirk.

Before I had ever seen any Star Wars movies (which, for those keeping score at home, was the majority of my life) I'd never blown out a tire. And, I'd never had a credit card stolen.

Then I saw Star Wars, and both those things happened. Dunno about you, but that's case closed for me and I--Oh, hold on a second--

What's that, Nathaniel? A what? A review of--?

Oh, yes, right, of course. A review of Empire--that was, of course, the point of this post, wasn't it?