Musings From A Musical Mind

Posts tagged ‘Sunday’

When my daughter was a junior in high school, her director found out that I could play the piano (somewhat mysteriously I might add, as I did not promote myself whatsoever) and asked me to play the following piece of music to accompany the concert choir that my daughter was in for their spring concert. It required that I come to first period (in the morning) and rehearse with them for a couple of months. I was terrified as it was a very difficult piece to play – and still is. I had never heard the song before or since, until…last Sunday in the church we are attending. It is a United Methodist Church – and in their black book of songs – we turned to this song as we ended the service. It was just as I had remembered it. I have a voice student learning the song from the arrangement I kept from that experience some 8 years ago and it is still as beautiful as before. I found a similar version to this song on YouTube and just had to share it with you – it is from a Lutheran college choir – and the arrangement had me spellbound.

I hope you will take the time to listen to it today. It is very special.

God Bless

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard My people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.
I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear My light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people’s pain.
I have wept for love of them, They turn away.
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak My word to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them,
My hand will save
Finest bread I will provide,
Till their hearts be satisfied.
I will give My life to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

Like this:

These are all “catch phrases” that we toss around today. And it’s especially popular to hear this among Christian pastors and leaders. But how many really are?

Our pastor led the way last Sunday morning, for it to be okay to be “real” and share with us an area that he has been struggling with. It was honest and had no pretense. He was just a human being with needs and struggles like the rest of us – he experiences good times and bad, highs and lows. It was the first really honest moment I’ve witnessed from the pulpit in a long time – if ever.

Now that being said, there are some that would disagree with this approach. In fact my husband and I were both raised in an era where the pastor (or leader) had to be above reproach and almost ghost-like in perfection. That was of course, because he (or she) would never allow anyone into their world and all that was personal was highly protected. It seemed that the worst thing they could do was to let people really know who they were. The thought being, “They cannot lead others if they admit they don’t have it all together”.

Those of us from my generation and older – bought into this. We believed you couldn’t have close friends in ministry – believed that others did not want a flawed leader – believed that showing anything less than the perfect role model – would hinder the testimony of Christ. This caused a false sense of security for others trying to live up to that standard. And much guilt on the part of the minister and his family.

We discussed this dilemma much in our small group last night. All of us were there last Sunday morning to witness the beautiful worship service – and Stephen’s willingness to “go there” – for the sake of being truly authentic. And gave permission for everyone to feel the same – reach out and know that there are others that feel the same way. It was really beautiful.

As we talked about it in our group, I was very aware of the balance between “sharing” and “sharing too much”. Who can we really be that “real” with? Is it important to let people know what you’ve come from – how you handled it and how God has worked in your life? Or is it better to just talk about surface issues and keep it light?

I know it’s a touchy subject and although some, like me – are grateful for this new freedom in sharing – I know that there are some that simply don’t feel comfortable sharing – or having others share with them. It is a risk, and certainly some will even look differently at you when you open your heart. But in light of all these things – I still choose to be a more authentic me.

Here’s why.

I am not perfect.

I struggle with thoughts.

I am selfish by nature.

I like to be right.

I like to have the last word.

I don’t have it all together.

Three years ago I went through a traumatic experience of the heart and emotions. I started writing a blog to express things I was unhappy about and things I hoped to change. I went on a journey both spiritually and emotionally and my writing was a vehicle of healing for me. I tried to be authentic about the way I was feeling. I knew it would be criticized, as a former pastor’s wife – we aren’t allowed to be sad or struggling – but I plodded along anyway. The benefit was two-fold:

1. Others read my writings and daily personal thoughts, as I searched for answers and hung on to the fact that in spite of pain – God is still good. I connected with many people who would either comment – or privately contact me on Facebook or by email – telling me how helpful and encouraging my writings were and are to them. Being authentic had a purpose after all – to others who are struggling, questioning and hurting. It provided a vehicle for them to share – and know for sure that they weren’t alone.

2. It helped me personally. My empathy and sensitivity grew with my writing journey. Things I had no patience with before – I found compassion and understanding. I found others who struggled and needed a friend to lend a hand. While helping, coaching and counseling with others – I’ve found a new purpose for things I was allowed to go through. And the friendships were and are numerous.

But there is a down-side. There always is. I have been burned by sharing myself. It’s made me more cautious – and I question things more. I wish I did not. I wish that I still believed that everyone had my best interest in mind – but now I question that too. It doesn’t entirely stop me – but it has changed me. Anytime someone doesn’t understand us or does not validate us in some way – it is very hard.

But I still choose to be a more authentic me. I choose to take the gifts and blessings God has given me – and reach out to those who need that extra help, support and love. I choose to learn from the painful, dry and empty times along my journey – and share with others what I’ve learned – how God has helped me and most of all – how it’s NOT fatal to go through times of failure, uncertainty and darkness. It’s been in those times that my heart was much more open to hearing what God was telling me. And the biggest blessings came when God didn’t answer me at all, instead gave me the tools to find joy again – by writing and opening my heart.

I encourage you today – it’s a scary thing to open up and share, but find someone youtrust and have a heart-to-heart with them today. You may find that the person you’re opening up to – will do the same and there will be strength and blessing in your authenticity. Even if you’ve been hurt before – you need to trust again.

Have you ever had a truly authentic moment? This last year? This last week? How did others around you respond?

Like this:

Yesterday my husband Greg and I had a most interesting and enlightening conversation in the car – while discussing our pastor’s message that morning at church.

Normally I love our pastor’s messages – he is always prepared and seems to have his pulse on what is going on in the lives of his congregation. This time I felt he was right on – as usual – but must admit, it made me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable and a little sad – because I simply was not raised with the idea that it was okay to let people know what you are feeling – especially if it is bad, questionable or sad.

I’m from a generation who believed you did NOT let anyone see you sweat – never voiced a fear or regret – or even dared to be sad or depressed about anything. This was true in our family – and sadly, in the church.

And to further complicate this – about 3 years ago I found myself in a touchy situation with another person and I was going through a bad time – was in a dark hole of sadness and was criticized for posting a SCRIPTURE verse on facebook about being downcast and sad from the PSALMS! Good grief. And because I was in leadership – I was not allowed to mourn over a loss – or even hint that I might be having a problem with it.

So it seems there are two very different schools of thought on being authentic:

1. We should be honest in expressing who we are – how we’re feeling and doing – and not afraid to be real with people and let them know that we struggle like everyone else.

Or

2. Never let people know that you struggle with temptation or sin. Always be “fine” when asked and only post positive things when on a social network or in person. Especially leadership. Because leadership is perfect and never struggles. We paste on a smile and never let them see us sweat. We never have problems with our children – we never have illness or marital trouble. Never.

Well, yesterday – my dear pastor admitted that he struggles. He admitted that he’s not perfect – in any way. That he can be and mostly always IS a disappointment to others in his life. He admitted that he’s a human being capable of temptation and sin like the rest of us.

I loved what he said about those that attend AA meetings. They have to say their name and then say, “I’m an alcoholic” or “I’m a recovering alcoholic” and he believes that when we introduce ourselves to others that we should be quick to say, “I’m a recovering sinner“. Because it’s true. We are all at level ground. Even leadership.

Now I’m also aware that people who are lost need to have a role model – and have someone they can look up to.

Here’s the problem with that. Most of the time – it’s not reality – and the first time that this “seeker” or really lost person has a problem – they fall, because they don’t have it “all together” like the Christian people they encounter at church on a Sunday morning – and they believe they can’t make it.

5. Have a testimony of God’s grace and love ready to share with others when they become discouraged.

6. Be a person that is “instant in season” knowing that God places certain people in our path.

7. Do not let anyone tell you – you can’t express who you are. Even if that means you have to admit you’ve failed.

I wish I would’ve done that back then – but I’ve learned some valuable lessons about people and myself since then. I’ve found out that everyone struggles – we are ALL THE SAME when it comes to this. How you RESPOND is truly the difference – NOT whether or not you get hit with struggles, temptation and sin. Because if you live long enough – you will.

Here is what you SHOULD do:

1. Respond in an authentic way

2. Admit that you struggle

3. Ask for forgiveness and for strength from the only one who truly understands and can forgive without strings attached.

4. Tell others that it’s only the grace of God that gives anyone ANY hope in times of struggle – including you.

5. Have a fast recovery time from failure to repentance.

6. Be unafraid to be yourself – including gifts of encouragement and hospitality to bring renewed hope to others who may be hurting and struggling.