Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Thou Shalt Show a Softer Side

Dealing with Bowie is a little bit like dealing with a political crisis.

Luckily, I'm a veritable gay C.J. Cregg.

ME: I want to do a photoshoot with you.BOWIE: No way. I'm still paying blackmail for the last time.ME: Not that kind of--are these photos still in existence?BOWIE: Ha ha. Give me the deets.

Facebook is a beautiful personal promotional tool. I thought if I took some photos of Bowie looking kinder and more relaxed, people might start changing their opinion of him.

BOWIE: Do I seriously have to hold this puppy?ME: People love puppies.BOWIE: People love chocolate too. Can't I hold a Nestles Crunch?ME: Just try to look happy and easy-going?BOWIE: The puppy is shedding. This is a new shirt.ME: Then go put on another shirt.BOWIE: You said you wanted me to look relaxed. This is my relaxed shirt.ME: You don't look relaxed.BOWIE: That's because this puppy feels like it's going to pee on MY BRAND NEW SHIRT!

I decided to try a different approach.

BOWIE: Where did you find a kitten?ME: Don't ask. If a little girl comes by here crying, you don't know anything.BOWIE: I'm allergic to cats.ME: But you're not allergic to dogs?BOWIE: No.ME: That's weird.BOWIE: Sorry, my allergies don't follow your laws of logic.

Then we tried Bowie in a fountain looking carefree and Italian.

BOWIE: I'm probably catching something by being in this fountain.ME: Scoop up some pennies and throw them in the air!BOWIE: Why?ME: DON'T QUESTION THE PHOTOGRAPHER!

By the end of the day, we were exhausted, but I did manage to get some good shots.

ME: Bowie, I only have one photo in my hand. This photo will determine whether or not you're in the running to become America's Next Top--BOWIE: Just show me the damn photo.

It was a photo of him holding the kitten away from himself while sneezing eight times in a row.

BOWIE: I look ridiculous.ME: It'll help your intimidation factor.BOWIE: Or at least get me laughed at.ME: Same thing.