“THE SO-CALLED ‘PROPHECY’ REGARDING WHO GETS MARRIED FIRST”

On December 2017, one of my best friends texted me. He said he was getting married in January 2018.

Yes, I was genuinely surprised. Although in the end I couldn’t attend his wedding (since it was out of town and the timing didn’t fit), I still find myself in awe. Long story short, he used to be the kind of guy who dated around. He’s also much younger than me and a very good-looking fellow.

If you live in Indonesia, you know this. It’s the so-called ‘prophecy’ regarding who gets married first.

I get it. People love to make assumptions, either just for fun or else. (Still, I personally call them ‘judgmental’.) Sometimes they can be (proven) right, sometimes wrong. After all, they’re still allowed to come up with theories.

For example: I know that many people in my country might have assumed that a very good-looking guy like my friend would not have gotten married too soon. (He was still under 30, by the way.) He’s been admired by many girls. Why would he have wanted to give that up by staying committed to one?

Then again, we never really know.

As usual, it’s much harsher on women. Through the talks I’ve heard since my teenage years, these are some of the comments I’ve heard:

“She’s pretty. Guys admire her. I bet she’ll be the quickest to find a husband.”

A few years from then, the speculator(s) would be satisfied if they were (proven) right. If not, here are what they might say:

“There’s got to be something wrong with her.”

“Maybe she’s just too picky, especially with her looks.”

“She’s probably arrogant too, just because she’s pretty.”

What if they consider the woman not-so-attractive? Well, if she gets married sooner than those whom they consider prettier, here are the comments/speculations I have heard so far:

“Wow. I didn’t expect that.” The comment would be even worse if they considered the guy good-looking:

“She’s so lucky.” Be careful, this may not be a compliment. The worst comments would probably be more like these:

“Did she put a hex on him or what? I mean, damn…she’s ugly/old!”

“She must be rich.”

If what happened next is the opposite, they’d act as if they’d seen it coming:

“She should start doing something more with her appearance.”

“She should look in the mirror first before getting too picky.”

Knowing (and reading) this, you might be wondering why I’d even bother with these shallow minds. Well, the thing is, these people are hard to avoid here. It’s also always amusing to see that they claim to be religious, sometimes even more so than other people they know. From their nasty comments above, I kind of wonder if they even remember God at all.

There are things beyond our control. We don’t understand everything. If we (thought we) did, we’d be arrogant know-it-alls.

Maybe they still think it’s fun, guessing who’ll get married first in their community or social circle. I personally see nothing wrong with marriages. For me, it’s a chance from God to look after one of His mortal creations for the rest of your life. It’s the same chance for them too, when it comes to taking care of you.

I just don’t like to see it being reduced to a merely social status to brag about. I’ve seen people use this as a parameter for one’s level of attractiveness.

How bloody vain.

Once again, we never know. God has His Own Reasons why He brings two people together. Sometimes you understand, sometimes you just don’t. Deal with it.

I know I can’t change those minds overnight, especially this one girl I used to know who had said this about our mutual friend:

“I have a feeling that she’s going to get married late,” she said as she made a face. What a hideous cringe. “As in, over thirty.”

As if it’s a bad thing.

For now, I only know one thing to do if I ever meet people like them again:

I’ll just keep my mouth shut. I don’t have to be like them and never want to.

author

"WRITER@WORK: Stories From A Lone, Urban Girl"
You never really run out of stories to tell. If you look around closely and more carefully, you’ll find plenty.
That also happens if you live in Jakarta, Indonesia. Here, people always find some tales to tell, even if they’re quite mundane. Trivialities still excite them somehow – or maybe it’s just me and my point of view.
Of course, the real issue is how to divide them into:
1. What’s informative and useful.
2. What’s just informative.
3. Gossips and rumours, alias hoax news.
It’s nothing new that many have assumed that most Indonesians are not that well-read. They tend to fall for the last bit on the list above.
Well, that’s not always true. Allow me to prove you wrong.
R.

Beautiful writing style, I quite enjoyed reading that. I also agree with you about the marriage thing. I am married , I got married relatively young and you can only imagine the scrutiny I went through! The stories I could tell! I hope to see more of your writing somewhere else