Bryant McGill, a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author, speaker, and activist in the fields of human potential and human rights, says, “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”

Ranking at the top of the list of some of the least common expressions in our language today are: “I’m sorry” and “Please, forgive me.” Who recognizes mistakes and admits their faults these days? It’s always someone else’s fault. Others are always to blame. We love pointing fingers. When have we admitted and owed up to our own errors?

On one side of the coin, we are hard pressed to admit our own blunders. We commonly excuse ourselves by calling our deliberate wrongdoings with other names. Slip-ups. “It was a little slip-up.” Boo-boos. “It was a tiny boo-boo.” Unintentional omissions. “I must have left it out by mistake.” Small oversights. “Gee, I must have forgotten.” Misunderstandings. “I think I was misunderstood.” A little inaccuracy. “It must have been written or recorded wrongly.” We did nothing wrong.

On the flip side, we are begrudgingly reluctant to pardon anyone else for theirs. We hold onto memories of injuries, intentional or not. “I will never forget what you did to me.” “That person did me harm.” “That useless good-for-nothing.”

Because of this, we have no need to ask anyone for pardon or forgiveness, but at the same time, we expect them to come groveling to us to beg for our clemency. If they don’t, we hold them in contempt.

Why don’t we like to admit that we are wrong or that we have been injurious? Reasons abound. It will make us look weak. It will lower our self-esteem. Others will look down upon us. The list goes on. We center on ourselves in a narcissistic way and focus on our self image. We are afraid of having our integrity compromised. Our competence will be called into question. Others’ expectations may be lowered.

True forgiveness should never be centered on ourselves. When we admit our misdeeds and ask for forgiveness, it’s a sign that we respect those who were affected by our actions. Respect is the starting point for mercy while disrespect is the demise of any possibility for clemency. Forgiveness flows out of love, then. Authentic concern for the well-being of others is the source for the fountain of mercy. Where there is no interest for others, there cannot be forgiveness. Where there is inordinate love for ourselves over others, there is no mercy.

We must also consider that there can be no genuine love without forgiveness. If I am going to hold others in bondage for their offenses, it means that I am still incapable of breaking free from the fetters of my self-centeredness and reach out to them. I am, in effect, unable to respect them as I ought in this case either. In other words, I truly do not love them.