Whitney Houston

Whitney Houston's daughter Bobbi Kristina was taken to an Atlanta hospital after being found face down in a tub in her home on Saturday. Of course Whitney's body was found in a tub at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in 2012 so this is all kinds of fucked up. TMZ says things do not look good:

Whitney Houston's daughter Bobbi Kristina has "significantly diminished" brain function and doctors have told her family it does not look good ... this according to sources connected with the family. She is currently on a ventilator but we're told tests have determined her brain function is alarmingly low.

Bobbi Kristina's dad, Bobby Brown, is at her bedside. Doctors have told the family they should continue hoping and praying, but the signs are not good.

It's gonna be hard to spin this story in a funny light, so here's a goat wearing a hat. Goats aren't supposed to wear hats!!!

The Los Angeles Coroner just released their finding on Whitney Houston's cause of death. Via The Washington Post:

The L.A. County Coroner's office issued a toxicology report this afternoon that said the official cause of the pop diva's death was: "drowning and effects of atherosclerotic heart disease and cocaine use."

Under the section "How injury occurred," the report — issued to multiple media outlets, including the Post — stated: "found submerged in bathtub filled with water; cocaine intake." The manner of death was deemed accidental

"Cocaine and metabolites were identified and were contributory to the death," the document states. "Marijuana, alprazolam (Xanax), cyclobenzaprine (Flexeril) and Diphenhydramine (Benadryl) were identified but did not contribute to the death."

Wait a minute, cocaine? This is the first I've heard of that. Are they sure they didn't mix up the toxicology results with someone else?

Somehow I don't think whoever sold the photo of a dead Whitney Houston to the National Enquirer is going to be in a charitable mood. From the Chicago Sun Times:

According to a source close to Cissy Houston, Whitney's grieving mom now knows who sold that photo to the National Enquirer. The Houston family insider said Cissy "had a come-to-Jesus moment" with the guilty party and demanded the alleged six-figure fee for the photo be donated to charity.

This is such a sad turn of events. Whitney Houston deserved to have an elegant, dignified send-off into the great beyond, but a Houston clan insider just had to make a quick buck. I don't blame Mrs. Houston for demanding that money be . . . wait -- did you say "six figures"? Well hells bells, I won't be the one to say when an entrepreneur should or shouldn't make a little extra scratch, and neither should you. This is America, damn it. It's the patriotic duty of a shutterbug to whip out the ol' cell cam and do what's right. Hell, for six figures I would have stolen Whitney's body and given it the lead role in the Broadway version of Weekend at Bernie's.

Good news for those of you who can't make it out to New Jersey for Whitney's Houston's funeral on Saturday. It'll be streamed online. How very . . . profitable of her estate. From CNN:

The services, to be held at New Hope Baptist Church in Newark, will be in a much smaller, more intimate setting than the concert halls and arenas Houston packed during her heyday. In every sense, she will be going home.

Publicists and entertainers by Wednesday had confirmed nearly a dozen celebrities and personalities will be in some of the 1,500 coveted, "invitation-only" seats. Actor Kevin Costner, who starred with Houston in the movie "The Bodyguard," will speak, and singers Stevie Wonder and Aretha Franklin -- Houston's godmother -- will perform, according to a source with knowledge of the funeral plans.

Also attending the funeral will be Chris Brown (he'll do the ceremonial punching of the coffin). Whitney's spirit was scheduled to attend but unfortunately had to cancel because she's getting high as a motherfucker with Amy Winehouse right now. Seriously, you think ghosts are scary? You've never seen a high ghost.

Whitney Houston's body was still warm and Twitter was already ablaze with insane theories about what/who killed her. From Ron Paul to LeBron James, I've collected the most insane in this convenient gallery you can share with your friends and family. Enjoy.

Perhaps the greatest sign that Whitney Houston had truly hit rock bottom was the fact that she was dating Kim Kardashian's sex tape partner Ray J. Some are even saying he encouraged Whitney's constant partying in the days leading up to her death, even though she was clearly in a bad place. In other words, he brought Kim Kardashian into this world and took Whitney Houston out of it. That seems like a really shitty trade.

But it's not like Ray J didn't truly love Whitney. In fact, he was so distraught about her death that he could *barely* attend Ne-Yo's party at Supperclub on Saturday night, literally just a few hours after Whitney had died. "Who wants to dance!" Poor kid.

By now you've probably heard that Whitney Houston died Saturday at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills. I know, I was shocked too that a 48-year-old woman on the verge of bankruptcy because of her drug addiction somehow didn't make it all the way to her 80th birthday. Here's the latest:

DID THE HAIRDRESSER DO IT? Actually, no, but she was the one who discovered the body. From TMZ:

We're told the hairdresser, who is female, went in to check on Whitney. She immediately screamed and, according to our sources, one of the bodyguards came running in and pulled her out of the tub. We're told Whitney's face was below the water and her legs were up ... like she had slid down the back of the tub.

Oh c'mon with the screaming. Chicks are so emotional.

THE AUTOPSY IS DONE: The autopsy was completed on Sunday, but according to Los Angeles Deputy Coroner Ed Winter, the toxicology tests will take six to eight weeks to process (wait, this is 2012, right?), so don't expect to hear an official cause of death until then:

"There are reports she maybe was drowned, or overdosed, but we won’t make a final determination until all the tests are in."

You can tell this guy's a good coroner because he just randomly speculates about a few potential causes of death even though he's two months away from knowing what actually killed her. He should get a raise.WHITNEY'S DAUGHTER RUSHED TO HOSPITAL: Whitney's 18-year-old daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown was rushed from the Beverly Hilton to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center on Saturday night and on Sunday afternoon. Fucking hotel is cursed.

LINDSAY JUST MISSED OUT: As part of her probation, Lindsay Lohan has to complete 12 days of work at the Los Angeles County Morgue. If any jewelry turns up missing off of Whitney's body, I'm just saying . . .

ORIGINAL POST (Friday, Feb. 10): Pacific Coast News says that's a wasted Whitney Houston leaving Tru Hollywood nightclub last night "appearing to have blood dripping down her leg and scratches on her wrist." I know, she's making me all hot, too. In related news, apparently you can now pay your bill with crack at Tru Hollywood nightclub. I had no clue!

UPDATE (Saturday, Feb. 11): Whitney Houston just died. Holy shit. These are some of the last pictures of her alive. No word on what killed her, but judging by these pictures, I think we can rule out a skateboarding accident. More on Monday . . .

It's been awhile since I've posted some sexy pictures of Whitney Houston in a swimsuit . . . and it's going to continue to be awhile. And no, I don't know why Whitney is staring at the Sun. The only thing that makes sense -- and I think that picture of her stomach backs this theory up -- is that she somehow figured out how to convert its energy into a food source. She's basically like a plant.

Whitney Houston is REALLY enjoying her world tour . . . especially the part where she can have a cheeseburger or six delivered to her room at 4am. From the National Enquirer:

Troubled singer plumps out to human zeppelin proportions as Whitney Houston's weight spirals out of control!

While experts believe some of the weight gain has been caused by steroid injections or prednisone treatments to treat a nagging respiratory infection, insiders say Whitney's been "pigging out" on room service and fast food during her "Nothing But Love" European tour.

"She's ballooned to 175 pounds.

"AND there's no sign of slowing down," added a source.

Say what you will about Whitney's coke problem, but at least it kept her from looking like Aretha Franklin. Whitney needs to decide which addiction she wants to stick with: the one that decimates her nasal cavity or the one that decimates her scale. If she's not careful, her over-eating could end up turning her into a disgusting soulless fat cow or something even worse: a reality show contestant. Biggest Loser anyone?