Where was this gadget when I was up for 3 hours rocking a restless baby in the middle of the night? Parents these days have so many cool gadgets… wireless apnea monitors, nanny cams, techno toys. Now they have the Lullabub. I was impressed we found a crib where you could lower the side with one hand and a push of the knee. I remember thinking the Diaper Genie was soooo cool. “Look Honey! I don’t have to smell old dirty diapers! HUZZAH” Then I found out you have to empty the genie… oh that’s where the smell went. Great. I thought genies were magic and had phenominal cosmic powers. Guess not. Of course if I had a can of VaPooRize then all my worries would be gone… but then I would lay awake always wondering where all the poo went.

I wonder if I could program these to rock like a mechanical bull. Not violently, but just enough to teach the lil’ buckaroo to hang on tight. You know train the kid early for a rodeo career. Get me one of those big, shiny, champion belt buckles that I could open my IBC root beer with. My luck he’d turn out to be the guy who makes low-rider pickups… truck beds all scraping the ground and making sparks. Great. Just what I need.

Of course there’s nothing like technology for removing all human contact. “Fussy baby who needs your caring, soothing, parental touch? Not anymore! Let Lullabub rock the baby while you enjoy hours of blissful sleep! Call now!” Ahhhh the 21st century. And they wonder why kids are disturbed these days. Heh.

Maybe we’d all be better off with just a good ol’ rocking chair. A glider one though because we have a cat. No need for Russian Roulette with a cat tail at 4 AM. Like I need that.