From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Y.E.S Chapter Four

“PLOT: SO YOU THOUGHT MARY JANE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT COULD NOT GET A MAN BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO QUALIFIED… WELL YOU ARE WRONG! ASK FEMALES WHO ARE DOCTORS, LAWYERS, ENGINEERS, ACCOUNTANTS ETC HOW EASY IT IS FOR THEM TO CHASE AWAY MEN SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY EARN MORE. THIS IS A UNIVERSAL STORY WHERE WOMEN IN POWER OR WITH A SEMBLANCE OF IT HAVE IT TOUGH WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMITMENT”

“Don’t be fooled, those who say marriage is not an achievement are wrong because they look at it from a negative, pessimistic and narrow perspective. It might have been his idea when to propose but it was your right to say no. You were part of that decision and let no one ever take that away from you. The achievement lies in the fact that you loved someone so much that you were willing to commit to them. In a world so immoral and so full of options for someone to believe and act on the notion that you are his only option, the best amongst the rest, that there is an achievement!” Mike Maphoto

CHAPTER FOUR

Did someone say party? I can insult my friend all I like but her mogwanti ways had taught her one thing, how to party! I don’t think I had ever met a person who could party three days straight without passing out. She was that girl who had reached the stage of out drinking the guys buying her drinks and being the sober one at the end of the night. The thing with her however was that guys loved her because she was not expensive in her drinking tastes. Nope, a cold Savannah Dry was good enough for her and truth be told, the girls who drink a lot have no time for this fancy shit like champagne and spirits. It’s the young ones that think it makes them relevant. I remember recently one guy offered to buy her an Ice Tropez and her response had been classic,

“That’s the cost of a bag of cement, no thanks!”

And I remember laughing so hard. She was not unreasonable therefore in her requests. With me I preferred wine. Someone had made me believe that it was classy and that if I thought it was bitter then it was I who did not a sophisticated tongue. I learned to like that bitter taste just to be considered sophisticated and now I guess I have no regrets.

That’s how much weird this wedding was. I had never met him. The wedding was a shotgun wedding that’s why things were getting changed last minute. Maybe she was pregnant and did not want to have a child when she did eventually wed. I just could not place it. It actually hit me then that I did not remember lobola being paid for her. Now this was a moment. How were we having a wedding without lobola being paid for? Don’t listen to girls who say lobola is outdated because they know for a fact that it will never be considered a marriage even if you through the biggest wedding around. It will always be considered disrespectful and arrogant on the man’s part for not having paid it hence causing unnecessary tension in your marriage. Goodness, my mother would never approve of such but then again she was the mother with the child who could not attract a suitor!

“Ah you must be Lungile!”

He said when I came out. Had she told him I was coming.

” And you must be Bongani. Pleasure to meet you!”

I said extending my hand for a handshake but the cheeky bastard moved in and said,

“You are my wife’s maid of honor I am definitely hugging you!”

And hugged me, lifting me up in the process! Wow, really!

“Yes indeed and you must be the groom, finally!”

I sarcastically but laughing for no apparent reason, I guess in an attempt to hide the awkwardness of that hug. I felt even worse seeing him. You know I was expecting this drunk looking man, dirty an unkempt considering the filth she often hung around with but this was actually a decent looking bloke. It was not just for the wedding either, you could see he was clean cut, raised well and living a decent life. Goodness, he didn’t even have a gold tooth and that’s saying a lot when it comes to Miriam! He was not the type of man I was supposed to bring home but exactly the man I was supposed to bring home. Even by looks I had read him. No wonder why she had bagged him the moment she got the chance. I blushed again at my own thoughts.

“This is my brother …”

He was behind the car,

“Jeff, get out from behind the car, we will take those things out later! Come greet!”

He said shouting at was clearly a younger brother! Tjo, I must be horny, the kid was about 19 but built like a bull. Women know that we don’t normally rob the cradle but this boy was hot!

“Jeff, this is Lungile, your sister’s best friend!”

He said and I think he was referring to Miriam as his sister.

“Hi, sorry about going to the back of the car first, eish…”

He said. I could clearly see he was a shy boy. He did not attempt to hug me like his brother which disappointed me so much I said,

“This is the part where you hug me because we are family now!”

I said with humour in my voice. I just wanted to feel his hardness close to me. He gave me that distant hug that young people give old people and stepped back.

“How old are you seeing that you are so shy?”

I asked him teasing him.

“I am 19 ma’am”

Yho! Had he just called me ma’am like madam at school! Did I really look that old?

“No you can’t call me ma’am!”

I protested and everyone laughed. I guess I appeared to be teasing him to everyone.

“Let’s go inside!”

Miriam said to her husband to be as they walked away.

“Do you need help with whatever you are carrying?”

I asked him. He said yes and the next ten minutes we took things out of the car. We had a healthy chat as we did it and I kept asking myself why I could not be young again. This kid made me feel fat, bloated and old. I didn’t even have make up on! As you get older, and by this I mean 25 and above, make up gives you confidence. A lot of girls my age simply can’t walk out of the house without make up on. Our appearance becomes so critical to how we feel and make up is a huge part of that. Men will tell us that they prefer us without make up but funny thing, we get hit on more when we have it on. Mmm, the bastards playing with our feelings!

When we got into the house her fiancé caught me off guard by saying,

“I hear you girls are having a bachelor party tonight, are we all invited!”

He asked. I did not even hesitate to respond,

“Of course you are and bring your friends too!”

I said and we laughed.

“I would if I knew the venue!”

He said sounding as though he was fishing.

“It’s a girls secret and maybe if you good to your wife over there she will tell you!”

I said laughing walking away before he could ask me more. I did not speak to them much further as they had to go but I was given both their numbers in case of emergencies.

“Jeff, you WhatsApp right?”

I asked him. He said yes and in my head a little voice was screaming,

“I am going to fuck you this weekend!”

Ben 10 for what! My vibrator must be tired by now and though its loyal as fuck, allow me a moment of ratchetings!

I went home to see my mother but she was not there. Seeing that I was sleeping there tonight I cooked supper for them, bathed and got ready for tonight.

I went to pick up Miriam but when I got there she said I must not drive because we intended to get drunk. Instead a car came to pick us up to take us to club!

20 minutes later I found myself asking her,

“I thought you said we are going to club?”

I said when we pulled up at a bed and breakfast looking building. It was not ugly but it was just not club.

“If I had said we booked a venue you would have asked too many questions and not come!”

She said with a mischievous smile,

“Besides, it’s my bachelorette party and things that happen at bachelorette parties can’t be risked being leaked to the public!”

She said laughing.

“But some of his cousins are here?”

I asked her, of which she responded,

“So? If they want to marry him they should otherwise he chose me so they must just chill!”

I won’t lie I was worried. Imagine she got dumped the day before the wedding? That will be embarrassing. I made it a point to keep a sharp eye on her no matter what. When we entered seemingly we had booked out all the rooms there. Everyone seemed to have known this except me because they had overnight bags. It was not a surprise party so no one was lurking in the shadows. The bags were taken to rooms and so on whilst we were led to the reception area. There already was music and quite a few people. You know ghetto people are loud, as soon as she entered all her friends were screaming as though some celebrity had walked in.

“Finally, let’s party to celebrate that I will be in a cage now bitches and you can take over my spot as Queen B!”

She said and they all laughed. The way it irritates me when grown women call each other bitches! Yho! It does something to me! It reminds me of old people saying “bling”! Aowa, stop it!

Everyone was getting drunk and the alcohol was a lot.

In entered four men dressed as soldiers! I swear I thought I was in the army. The lights went dim then a spot light went to them. What were they doing here? I am a bit slow at times. They were strippers. All the women started screaming like little kids in candy shop! I won’t lie I was screaming too but not unlike them it was not merely because it was a strip show. For me it was because I could not even remember the last dick I saw! Sexual repression I tell you.

“Which one is the bride to because the army is in town?”

One of the guys asked. Immediately after he said that they played that A- Team anthem if anyone still remembers it. He was a muscular guy and that accent I am very certain is Zimbabwean. In the street half these ladies would not come near a Zimbabwean but here were screaming our lungs out.

“I am the one!”

She said jumping immediately and over that music. We all laughed at how she jumped. He placed a chair in front and said that it was for her. I know your bachelorette party is your last day of freedom but some things are not meant to be done.

“We are going to give you the special treatment so that you will always remember what you left behind!”

The man said confidently.

“I want my sister in law to sit with me though so she can see I am not touching anything that doesn’t belong to me!”

She said and everyone laughed. The sister in law was reluctantly dragged to sit next to Miriam and the show began.

I have never wished so hard that it was me getting married that day because I was so turned on. Two hours later the show was done but there was a problem, I could not find Miriam. I saw Pamela one of Miriam’s long-time friends walking out of her room.

“Pamela, have you seen Miriam!”

I asked her.

“Yes, Jerry is here!”

She whispered to me as though it was code! Jerry was the one who had paid for this place.

“What’s the room number?”

I asked her. She told me.

“It’s the night before her wedding for crying out loud!”

I said to Pamela.

“So what? It’s her pussy, her marriage and her life! Let her have some fun!”

I am a single mom and very crazy about my daughter. Her father and I broke up but we remain civil with each other and he provides for our daughter. I have an ex that I dated 11 years ago whom I love. He has a wife that he paid lobola for. We met last year and fooled around, I did stop though because the wife knows me as his friend. 3 months ago they broke up and now he says he wants to marry me. I love him but I feel sorry for the lady and I felt it’s my duty to help bring them together. My friends think I am crazy for wanting to fix their relationship but I Am a Christian and do regret hooking up with him. Now all I do is pray for them. He says I’m his soul mate. I want to the right thing.

Thanks Mikeesto, Mirriam is a ….. well I shall censor that completely 🙂

Confused, I’m confused now, what is it that you want us to assist with again? I thought self-happiness was being so arrogantly selfish about your wants and needs and being unapologetic about it. Chances are, you got bricked and that’s why your baby daddy left, now you have a chance to not technically brick someone but the man is on a silver platter and you are doing WHAT? Wena sisi you should just be straight with yourself, you are happy single and Christian akere?! So hook him up with his ex-fiancée and let the holy ghost warm you up this winter…. Tshini thiza!!

Sana it’s obvious you want this man all to yourself, I don’t understand why you want to fix their relationship. Partly I blame you for their break up, cause I mean the man was getting more interested in you and losing focus ku nkosikazi wakhe. Susixelela ngobu Christian apha, if that was the case then you wouldn’t have had a relationship with a married man kwasekuqaleni, yinto buyifuna kakade, ulala nale ndoda and date him or marry him or whatever. So thatha indoda le cause already you have sinned, as a Christian funeke uyazi ba you don’t date married men ibhaliwe nakwi bible. So thatha indoda le uyeke uzenza holy apha.

Let your conscience direct you on this one. You doing the right thing praying for them to get back together, pray for forgiveness aswell. I’m telling you do not commit to that man, it will be the worst relationship you’ll ever have because “if he can do it with you, he can do it to you”. It lacks the correct foundation, eventually the ex fiance will found out you stepped in and then what? Baby mama from hell. You’re making the right decision, help them stay together. No woman will be happy if that happiness comes with another woman’s tears. Men are bastards they don’t need help from woman aswell.