I talk honestly and openly about my experiences with mental illness, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome through the lens of feminism, fat acceptance and process theology. I also do recipe and book reviews. My mission is to spread the message that hope is always real for a better life, despite living in a world that is often very harsh.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Today I Have Hope

I finally made it to my first water aerobics class this morning and I had a great time! The water felt wonderful and I felt light and bouncy. I had been putting it off, because of several foolish reasons. The first one being that I get very nervous when exercising with people. Usually when I exercise at a gym, I am extremely paranoid the whole time-I imagine that everybody else there came to the gym just to stare at me and is secretly laughing at me. The second one being that I was afraid I would feel awkward, because I knew I would probably be the youngest one there by far. Well, I was, but as a testament to my recovery I found that I did not feel awkward at all. Or maybe I am just more grown up, as I hardly wondered about what the others were thinking. OR maybe I was just too distracted! I loved the way the water comforted my joints. I felt at ease and was totally absorbed in trying to do the exercises.

The women there were a great inspiration to me too. Not one was a skinny mini! There were many different shapes and sizes of women and this was comforting to me. I felt a sisterhood with these women for these were not women exercising, because they are obsessed with losing weight, but because it feels good to move. I suspect that many of these women also have joint pain and we are all doing something positive to further our recovery.

The last time I saw my nutritionist she told me that I need to move more. I replied that it would be hard to not think about exercise purely as a way to lose weight. She reminded me that exercise also raises endorphins and eases stress, but I remained skeptical. I left that appointment feeling like I would never get to that point and I am not totally there yet, but today I felt like I took the first step towards all those things. Today I have hope that those goals can be mine after all.

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About Me

I'm a fierce smashing-the-patriarchy Christian feminist spreading the word that hope is real for people with mental health and chronic pain challenges. I do NAMI In Our Own Voice presentations, endorse Dialectical Behavioral Therapy(DBT) and baking cupcakes. I am in recovery from borderline personality disorder, an eating disorder and bipolar II. I work on managing my anxiety. I consider myself living in recovery, because mental illness and chronic pain no longer control my life.
If you would like me to speak to your organization about living in recovery from mental illness, please email me.