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I just learnt the hard way that it is difficult to follow a plan. Around last June there were a few weddings i had to attend and until this Feb i was fairly consistent in my diet and workout plan. I could feel the results of my efforts and had energy to work on my blogs, be socially active and had even planned a vacation. Everything was going perfect. Spring arrived in march and i knew hay fever season will start soon, for sunny days had arrived.

One day out of the blue, I felt an itching sensation behind my left ear. I went to the pharmacy and they gave a cream. Next day, somewhere around noon I looked into the mirror, because the entire area from the back of my ear to the shoulder was itching. After work I went again to the pharmacy and this time they gave me stronger medication. Next morning I had rashes all around my upper body, and it was spreading. I thought, I was having a serious skin disease. Fear of infecting others, had driven me to maintain safe distance.

Even though I was terrified to death, I decided not to call my mom or my best friends mom. In my weird mind it felt like i was going to die. So I only informed my brother and then went to the hospital. While I was sitting at the waiting room, I got more scared. I didn’t know whom to text or talk to and for the first time ever I felt lonely. I could have asked my aunt to come with me or my neighbour. I could have phoned my best friend or my mom. Or instead of just leaving a WhatsApp voice message, I could have called my brother, but since I was certain I was going to die, I didn’t want to worry my loved ones unnecessarily in advance. After one hour of waiting, the doctor came. He looked at me and started to laugh. With tears in my eyes and a frightened voice I asked him: “Why are you laughing at me? I am dying here.” Only then he realised how scared I was and he said : “oh no dear; you are suffering from hay fever. It’s just an allergy.” He prescribed antihistamine and some other strong medications.

On my way back home, I felt like an idiot for getting scared. From that day onwards everything went wrong. Due to my allergy I had breathing problems, so I couldn’t even jog for 10 minutes. Most of the time I was too tired and in less than 5 weeks I gained more than 12 kgs. Now my allergy is a bit under control but the gained kgs are still there. Since my lunges are not fully recovered, I shouldn’t do my EMS training. Instead of that, I should go for a walk or do 30 min on my elliptical trainer. I stare at my elliptical trainer every day and all I am thinking is: “Why should I do it? Each time if I am that close to my goal, something happens; and then I have to start again from scratch – it feels like being in a never ending loop.”

Clearly I am/was struggling to find the motivation. I feel so exhausted and have zero energy, the fire in me is blown out, and obviously I am kinda hiding from my social activities because I feel, I am unfit. I know I have to do something very soon.

Today I went through some of my old blogs and then realised, I am a hypocrite. I was asking my readers to take the responsibility for their actions and motivating them, while at the same time I was not following it. Finding someone or something to blame is always the easier path. Yes, it is true that my weight gain was partially due to the medicine but also I was guilty of having delicious meals. I guess as soon as I had an excuse to eat more I used the medication as an excuse to justify it. As I was not able to work out due to breathing problems and being weighed down with weariness, I gained weight. Since I felt like a rolling stone, my unconscious mind made a decision not to meet with other people. I was embarrassed and considering the fact that I was not following what i was preaching. I felt ashamed and could not be bothered to blog so decided not to blog. Now the puzzle is solved.

So I am starting from zero again. Target for this week is to publish one blog, cut out refined sugar and do 30 min of cardio.

What about you my dear reader, have you faced similar situations like this? How did you bounce back?

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Yesterday I watched one of my favourite dance reality shows on YouTube. I was shocked and surprised at the same time when I got to know that it was the first time ever a transgender was allowed to participate on a reality show, which is telecasted on a national television. Considering the given history, I thought India would be one of the transgender friendly countries in the world. Listening to Jazz’s story made me really sad.

I think it is difficult to imagine what it must feel like to be transgender if you are not. Imagine what it must feel like to debate every day to use the men’s restroom or the women’s.

We all are born with sexual characteristic of either a male or a female. The term transgender focuses on individuals whose gender identity conflicts with biological sex assignment. Most who are transgender know they are different from others from an early age. There are different studies explaining the cause of being transgender. The fact is we will need a much larger body of research to reach conclusions about where gender identity lives in human.

I think at this point, it is very important to mention that gender and sexual preference are entirely two separate things. Sexual identification is who we to be intimate with while gender identification is who we see ourselves.

I am not intending to write a scientific blog about transgender with my limited knowledge. On the contrary I want to encourage you to wipe out your prejudices. Keep in mind that this condition might be caused by hormonal imbalance. It is definitely not their fault! Support them on their journey! Be nice and human next time when you meet a transgender.

Hats off to Mazhavil Manorama for taking the first step towards breaking the taboo and hopefully many will follow you.

Jazz, never give up! No matter if you are going to win 1st prize or not. Consider yourself as a winner because through Mazhavil Manoramas D4Dance Season 3 the world is listening to you. Don’t pay attention to the Naysayers and ignore the negativity. Don’t be shy and don’t hide! Go Girl, Go Girl! Rock the floor, don’t forget Feet Must be pointed 🙂 .

I am fully aware of the fact that I don’t have neither a huge follower base nor a celebrity status. But If at least one among the few readers would change his/her mind and treat a transgender as a “normal” human being, then I would consider my blog, a worthy effort. Like Pearle, the anchor of the show said, we may be born with different skin colour, on different places as men or women. But we all are one and all of us are God’s creation.

There is no one “right” way to live a life. And no one should have to spend a life hiding who they are!!

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When was the last time you looked into someone’s eyes? Or let someone gaze into yours? Since few days this question is haunting me. I don’t remember when it happened to me the last time! What about you my dear reader? When was the last time you experienced the emotional cocktail made of excitement, butterflies in stomach, nervousness and the spark you will feel when you look into your loved ones eyes or the person you would love to love look into your eyes?

You will find a lot of scientific studies online, where they explain the importance the eyes in combination with physical attraction, seduction and romantic love… And yes as usual within seconds my browser history was filled with articles about this particular theme. So if we are sitting on the same boat, then I think I know the cause of the problem. After spending days thinking about it, I came up with 3 possible reasons.

You are living with your life partner and you take everything for granted. You might say there are other important things to do than looking into eyes. Beside it’s something for silly people. So you are purposely avoiding it.

You are “too busy” and blabber A LOT. What I mean by this is, you will always engage yourself in some personal projects like weight loss, redo your garden, refurnish your place or you are a workaholic. So basically you don’t have time to go out and meet people and when you are with your friends you simply keep blabbering so that there is no silent moment. Practically everyone around you is in the FRIEND zone. In other words unconsciously you have a defensive shield around you, stopping yourself exploring new possibilities

You are scared. Letting someone that close to you means apart from the facial hair, impure greasy skin, thin lines/wrinkles, and that his person can see behind your retina. You are literally letting a person into your life, in other words you are not used to being vulnerable, comfortable and used to being alone.

I myself belong to the category 2 and 3. I hardly go out and meet new people. And when I meet people I talk a lot and most of the time I never notice any signs of interest. I am also very scared and I don’t want to put myself in a position where someone could hurt me.

Audrey Hepburn, a famous actress once said: “The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the door way to her heart, the place where love resides.” If that is true and eyes are indeed the doorway to the place where love resides, don’t be shy. Go ahead. Stare deeply into those eyes belonging to the other person and relight the flame of love.

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14th February, a day dedicated to express love, companionship and passion for our loved once. There are different forms of love. The love we share with our parents, Kids, friends, life partner and of course between lovers. There is no religion or nationality attached to this wonderful day. A pure celebration of Love.

Even though it’s a day for everyone, it’s more celebrated among couples. So all the pretty ladies out there, how did you feel when u wore that awesome sexy outfit you bought the other day? Did you find the right red lipstick? Finding the accurate red shade is devastating. And… Hey… you, Handsome what did you do? Did you buy nice red roses and chocolates? I assume you planned a nice romantic day for your Love from morning to night. Dinner at a nice romantic restaurant which plays nice background music, not too over powering just like a soft silk shawl carried in the breeze. Most probably you had a light Mediterranean meal with a smooth, balanced, velvetlyred wine. I know it may sound cheesy and cliché; ultimately I am exceptionally girly and a hardcore lover of romantic movies 😉

In one way or other we all spent some quality time with our loved once. Unfortunately there is another group of people who might never be able to have this special moment. Who might never be able to express their emotions and try to hide their entire life. I am talking about victims of sexual assault and rape. I recently read an article in the telegraph about an Indian teenage rape victim, who was allegedly sexually assaulted a second time while in hospital receiving treatment for the original attack.

Headlines about sexual abuse and rape aren’t a rarity anymore. Few of the incidents catch more public attention and go viral but the majority remains untold and is hidden far away from the public. Blaming victim’s is another common behavior in our society. As soon as we talk about an incident the first few statements will be like:

“Victim was not appropriately dressed!”

”Something like this will never happen to someone from a good family!”

“Victim must have provoked them!”

Victims are silenced by a process that heaps shame, fear and guilt on them. The demoralizing experience is not alien to victims in India, who choose to speak out against sexual attacks.

Sexual violence is not only taking place in India. Since I am an Indian my focus is automatically set to “on what’s happening in India.” According to WHO recent global prevalence figures indicate that about 1 in 3 (35%) of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.

Being a victim of any kind of crime can be frightening and upsetting. However, rape and sexual assault are particularly distressing crimes for the victim and the effects can last for a long time.

Let’s take action to help those instead of pointing fingers at them. Donate whatever you can to a nonprofit organization of your trust. Each and every penny counts. My personal choice is this project, which is started by Smita Sharma. She has started a Kickstarter page, where she is raising funds for two groups, including one based in London, which work in the community educating people to make people aware about sexual violence. There are many other nonprofit organizations worldwide, which helps victims to build a life after. Donating money is not the only way to help. If you know anyone from your circle, then be there for that person. Accompany the victim in their daily activities and highlight to them various institution where they can avail professional help. If needed raise your voice for them and protect them.

So don’t hesitate and let’s try to make the world a better place; You and I, we are the ones who can make this change!

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It’s been a really long time since my last blog. A lot happened in the meantime which I might mention here on the blog one day. Hope all of you had a wonderful start. Jan is almost gone and how are you guys keeping up with your New year’s resolutions?

I have started this year full of energy and excitement, determined to enjoy each and every day. Do things which would make me happy, experiment a bit and basically not worry about what others think about me.

So ….

If you think you are fat and unfit then lose weight, change ur diet and exercise more.

If you are unsatisfied with your job, then go and find another job

If you are bad in managing ur money then learn how to control ur expense

If you want to be a model/ singer/actor then go and explore ur options

If you love to travel then DO it.

Keep in mind that you are doing something which YOU want to do, NOT because you want to please someone else (parents, friends, children, coworkers, society …).

In my entire life I never felt this much of positive energy. I got inspired by the first movie I watched this year. Like most of us, I was also very tired on the 1st of Jan, so decided to stay home and chill.

After little bit browsing and checking FB, I ended up on an online movie portal and chose the latest Malayalam movie they uploaded. Malayalam is a language spoken in India to be precise in Kerala. Watching movies online gives me a guilty conscience, but sometimes you don’t have any other choice if you are abroad.

Yes, yes and yes … I know you are waiting to hear the name of the movie. The movie is called Rockstar. If you understand Malayalam then you have to watch it. I have never ever seen a Malayalam movie like this. The movie is about a young independent woman and a young musician. Oh well.. I know what you are thinking now and can imagine how you are rolling your eyes… A man sees a woman, they fall in love, jumping around trees in the alps, singing and dancing Benny Lava style and live happily ever after. Sorry guys, I have to disappoint you. It is a romantic story which portrays very deep and intense emotional drama. The real star of this movie is the Story itself. I loved each and every dialogue in this movie. My favorite dialogue is when Eva responds in a conversation to her mum and maid: You don’t have to get married to have children. It reminded me a conversation between my mum and me.

The script writer Rajashree Balaram beautifully captured the independent thoughts of today’s spinster professionals. The continuous fight with themselves to be independent, to be different than the older generation, the confidence to express to the world what they think and confronting the conflict between fact-based judgments and moral values.

Such a brilliant story in the hands of, one of the most renowned directors in the industry, VKP sir, it certainly created magic on the screen.

After watching this movie, I was so excited and decided to pm (private message) VKP sir, Siddarth Menon and Rajashree Balaram. The experience I made there, will be summarized in a separate blog because a lot happened there. Got catfishes, had a real small chat …

End of the day watching this movie inspired me to set goals for this year. My New Year’s resolution is very simple: enjoy the life to the fullest and not to be worried about others.

I even came up with a nice romantic story. A good friend of mine and me even thought about filming it, me in the lead role. HAHAHA…. all my friends who are reading this, is most probably ROLFing. Yeah me in a Movie ***@@@@???!!!!

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M y last blog post was 25 days ago, where I shared my excitement about becoming an almost vegan. Now after 1 month of being sort of a vegan, I would love to share my experience with you guys. First of all I never thought I will be able to follow it for such a long time. I never did any sort of fasting before and never avoided non veg. Chicken was an inevitable part of my meal, couldn’t even imagine life without chicken. It may sound a bit weird but I always had some sort of chicken almost every day.

I haven’t visited my aunt for months, so yesterday I paid her a visit. As soon I entered her house the appetizing smell of perfectly spiced, delicious, mouthwatering chicken curry welcomed me. Oh boy, what am I going to do? I couldn’t resist the smell. So I decided to have chicken curry and fried rice for lunch, after all it’s just this one time I thought. Trust me guys, I couldn’t wait to mix fried rice with the thick gravy and enjoy the perfect symphony of spices in my mouth. You won’t believe what happened next . As soon as I saw the chicken piece on my plate my appetite was gone. I simply couldn’t bite into the piece of meat. I was shocked and surprised at the same time. End of the day I just had rice with some vegetables. I was so proud of myself and said myself: “You passed the toughest test, very well done my dear“.

You might be wondering what a lazy person like me eats these days. Like I mentioned in my last blog (Almost a Vegan), started with quinoa… now pleased to add almond mil, oats and Bengal grams. I am getting good in preparing vegan food, still have to go long way. Once I master few recipes, I will definitely make a vlog about it.

Transitioning to a vegan is difficult. Each time if I mention I am a vegan, people raise their eye brows, or make jokes about. This weekend a friend of mine told me something like this. “Now it’s anyways too late. You are not going to look better”. I know he meant it in a funny way and his intention was not to hurt me. Most of the time you find less support from people around you and because of that your social life might suffer a little bit. But hey , all you need is a strong will power and then everything is possible. End of the day it’s your life, it’s your body and YOU decide what you want to do.

Becoming a vegan means to me eat clean, consuming minimally processed food, increasing fiber consumption and final adding more fresh fruits and vegetables to my regular diet. By doing so my digestion is perfection which means no bloating and I feel more energized during the day. And I feel young, fresh and vibrant. Oh well I think that’s coupled with my fear of aging and my birthday is in 28 days. Most probably I am trying to convince myself no matter what I am doing, it’s good for staying young. Anyways I hope you guys are not worried about grey hair and wrinkles.