The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...

Zombies, doc!

Okay, zombies, seriously, this has got to stop. You've invaded my gardens, my hometown, and even my Smash TV rip-off, but I'll tell you, the space time continuum is sacred ground! I don't care that you're the star in the new game Age of Zombies, a pseudo-twin stick shooter with time travel, you guys have gone far enough. Wait, you're sending a representative to help me review this game? Are you serious?... All right, let's get this moving then.

Where was I? Right! Thankfully, we have Barry Steakfries, a strong but sadly annoyingly wise-cracking hero to save us this time. Smartly, the first thing he does is kill the man behind the zombie infestation, that evil scientist guy with the dumb (but cutely quirky) name, Dr. Brain. Not before he launched his plan, though, so Barry has to jump into a weird portal to follow you undead through all sorts of repetitive (but cutely quirky) time period levels!

Barry has a sweet arsenal at his disposal, but you have to concede, aiming a single shot rifle at a horde on the PSP is a pain. Barry can only aim in eight directions, poor bastard. He only has a single analog stick at his disposal, and that is used to command his movements, leaving all the shooting to the face buttons.

He has a whole lot of health, but he does tend to get pinned down in corners of the map a lot. Thanks to most of your zombie friends' intelligence level, they mindlessly charge Barry, and there are a lot of moments where the guy just runs out of options! I'll admit there are some zombies with a quarter of a brain cell among your posse, and they manage to spice things up. I mean, our mouth-with-a-gun faces off against a gangster driving a zombie mob car in 1930s Chicago. You zombies aren't that creative, but I'll give you props for trying to kill Steakfries in a few different ways.

You have the whole day to kill Barry, you say? Nah, I wouldn't count on it. His adventure is bound to last only a little while. I mean, for a time-travelling game, he doesn't go to that many places, you have to accept that. There's a survival mode, though, where he gets to go through past levels and try to last as long as possible through waves and waves of your undead pals. Anything to get a top score, he says.

Greenie, let's get one thing straight, zombies are ugly, but Age of Zombies manages to look pretty neat. The over-the-top gore fits right in with the super deformed cartoony looks of Barry and your friends. Too bad his cheesy one-liners are really bland and just not funny; otherwise, they'd be a perfect match to the visuals.

All right, what's the point you're trying to make? Stop shambling and just tell me! Ah, gotcha. You're telling me this is a great game? Of course you'd tell me that, you are a freaking zombie, you star in it, and you are a freaking zombie! Okay, okay, I liked the game too. Age of Zombies is a pretty darn cheap PSP Mini download, at five dollars. Even though it's limited by the PSP, it's a good time waster that doesn't take itself too seriously. But like my undead friend here, though, this game is a ghoul in a very crowded horde of the living dead. One that's starting to stink a lot.