Putting a Humorous Twist on the Mundane

Dear Ellen: I’ve Been Nominated!

Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

I have the most exciting news ever! I’ve been nominated for a Sunshine Blogger Award by my fellow blogger friend, Spouting Stuff! I found out when I was reading this blog post. As honored as I am to be nominated for this award, I had no idea what it was. When digging around the Internet, it seems like it’s a nice way for fellow bloggers to tell someone how much they enjoy reading the nominated blogger’s posts. So thank you, Spouting Stuff, for nominating me.

According the rules I have to do the following:

Thank the person/people who nominated you. – Done!

Answer the questions from your nominators.

Nominate other bloggers and give them eleven questions.

Here are the questions I have to answer:

If you could trade lives with one person, who would it be and why?

My cat. I’d love to be able to sleep all day and have my belly rubbed without having to worry about paying bills.

Would you rather pass a kidney stone everyday for the rest of your life…. or…. have pink eye for eternity?

I have two toddlers. Pink eye is more likely in my future than a kidney stone.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? (There’s a catch… you can never return home. Choose wisely.)

Australia. FYI – My mother would never approve of that catch.

If you could take a ride in the old time-machine and meet one person, who would it be and why?

Probably a younger version of myself. That way I could scream at younger me and say, “Don’t be such a dipshit!” and “Don’t go down that road. Trust me, it doesn’t end well.”

Would you rather be stuck in an elevator for 10 consecutive hours… or… be stuck in a boring meeting for 10 straight hours? Why?

Either. I’m a writer. I spend 2/3 of my life living in a fantasy world so it doesn’t really matter where I’m physically located. Odds are good, I’m not paying attention anyway.

Now here’s the part where I nominate other bloggers and ask them a series of questions. I hope they forgive me.

I’m sorry James! I can’t believe I forgot to nominate Ollie! His belly is definitely the fluffiest out of all of the nominees listed. That alone earns him a place on the list. Consider Ollie nominated!

I appreciate the nomination! I will be at the awards ceremony in…where is it again? I will answer the questions here because I only do one of the award things like once every 3 1/2 years.
1. I would be Superman. I like having all the powers, but having that one weakness of Kryptonite that would just make me so bitter. I mean my home planet is my weakness? How sucky is that?
2. I wouldn’t say it is unusual, but my conversation with the couch is always, “Man what would I do without you, bro?” Your comfort is amazing. Do you think about me when I’m at work and you are at home and we are apart?
3. I don’t normally scream in fear of insects, but I do get jumpy when a wasp is trapped in my car.
4. I think someone mentioned that their hysterectomy went well once. Ughh.
5. The Island of Dr. Moreau. I guess I was desperate to go to a movie and NOTHING else had a seat. A show about people that are half man/half animal. Grosss.

My couch is mean to me. It’s always yelling, “Get off of me, fat ass!” That’s usually when I body slam it. Thanks for answering my questions. The awards ceremony will be at some famous celebrity’s home…..as soon as I figure out how to break in.