Author Archive

I’ve never been what I would consider a baby person. I’ve always appreciated the children of my family and friends, but when I see a baby on the street the general reaction is “ah, that is a person who is new. I’m happy I’m not responsible for them.” Being seated in close proximity to an… Read More

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One year ago today, at 7:15 PM, standing on 9th Avenue between 44th and 45th Streets, I found out my wife was pregnant. I had a meeting with an agent at Actor’s Connection at 6:30 that evening. Amy got home from work around 6 with a pregnancy test she’d picked up on the way home.… Read More

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For the last 17 years I’ve been trying to become a professional actor. It’s been slow, to put a delusionally positive spin on it. As my son’s due date approached, I backed off of my day job of doing stand-in and background work. I wanted to be around to help my wife out with anything… Read More

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Dear Mr. Impotent Bighorn, I saw you at the end of my five-mile jog today along the West Side Highway. I was heading south, about to turn onto 56th Street, and I heard an ungodly train horn coming from the traffic waiting to turn left off the highway. I was deep into Ira Glass talking… Read More

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We are raising our son in a Manhattan apartment. We are not millionaires and our grandparents did not bequeath us a quirky West Village apartment large enough to shoot a sitcom in, so our place is small. I was going to sketch out a quick diagram for this post, but I thought of something more… Read More

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Stretch, like many of my cats back home, got his name when he was a nursing kitten. He would stretch out over his brother and sister to get to the nipple. His brother was Bob, because he had a bobbed tail, and his sister was Joe because compared to the two of them she was a… Read More

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We were recently in Texas to see Amy’s family, and while we were there I realized I am now officially part of a different generation. My whole life it’s been the other grandkids and me, but now our children are the grandkids. This means I am where my parents and aunts and uncles were in… Read More

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One of the heavier brain benders about having a baby now is there’s this little person suddenly living in our apartment. We’ve had pets for years—first Tommy our cat in 2009, then Omar our frenchie a few years later. Depending on how much you consider your pets members of your family (in our case 100%),… Read More

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A lot of very basic human truths become quickly evident once you have a baby. One of the first to occur to me was how the patriarchy got started. You may be surprised to learn that keeping a child alive requires a great deal of attention, time, and self-sacrifice. You may be further surprised to… Read More

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I became a dad over ten weeks ago, and I’ve been meaning to write about the experience this entire time. That should be a good indicator of how becoming a parent can upend your expectations (and I’m just a dad—we have it easy). Not to mention, as I’ve always said, it’s just so very easy… Read More