The Face Courtney Stodden Made After Her Boob Job: Priceless

On the way out of the hospital following a procedure to expand her breasts and make her look more void of substance than hatchery-born salmon, 18-year-old Stodden finally looked her age.

It’s as if Doug Hutchison’s sole beneficiary had her teddy bear stolen. Or maybe she’s making that face because she finally got to take a break from tugging and slobbering on 53-year-old balls.

Speaking of balls, I have a few dick jokes I like to pester assholes who tell me to make them sandwiches on Xbox Live with. Mind if I test some of them out on you?

Do you ever put two dicks in your mouth and pretend you’re a walrus?

Do you ever put ice on a dick and shake it like you’re making a martini?

Do you ever brush your teeth with dicks?

Did you ever find yourself smack dab in the middle of a nest of dicks, and you had to fight your way out using only your hands and orifices?

That Dick Nest Monster one needs work, but they’re all questions I’m thinking of asking Courtney Stodden once her new DD’s give her husband a heart attack and she’s released from the velour thong dungeon.