The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Medusoid Mycelium in Cave and Return”

While in the Gorgonian Grotto, Fiona and the Baudelaires find themselves in the middle of the Medusoid Mycelium breeding grounds. At first it’s a patch, but the longer they look, the more they see until they’re surrounded. Fiona is confident that they’ll be safe from the deadly mushroom spores as long as they don’t get too close. Though I’d recommend that they keep their diving helmets on, especially Sunny. Still, it seems best that the kids stay where they are since the mushrooms aren’t getting any closer. All the same, they still need to figure out how to get back. Violet wants to invent some way to get out, but she can’t think of what. But Fiona thinks it’s a better idea to wait it out. So they hang out as the Baudelaires gather some of the junk and foodstuffs they can find. Sunny makes a snack and cooks pesto lo mein. Klaus takes a book on how to decode messages in poetry. Violet finds a letter from Kit Snicket to Gregor Anwhistle on the poisonous mushrooms and a newspaper article that could cause a fight. Though it’s not a great situation, the children try to make the best of their time in the cave. But when they get back, they find Captain Widdershins and Phil gone without a trace and a poison mushroom spore in Sunny’s helmet and she’s coughing from the poisoning. Violet and Klaus naturally panic, but Fiona assumes command. She orders them to start the engines while she finds the antidote. Violet is suspicious and thinks she’s “volatile” while Klaus gives in thinking it’s no use arguing. When the other girl’s alone, Violet confides to her brother and shows her the clipping she read. Then Count Olaf’s sub shows up.

The song I went with here is “Notes/Twisted Every Way” from Phantom of the Opera. In the original, the company makes plans to do the Phantom’s fan-fiction opera his way despite that it’s crap and Carlotta hates being upstaged by Christine. Even though Christine knows Erik is trying to get to her through this opera and wants no part of it. But if they want to keep the Phantom at bay, nobody has a choice to back out since they don’t want another fallen chandelier (except there’s a chandelier drop anyway). In this version, I have Fiona and the Baudelaires waiting out the Medusoid Mycelium to Count Olaf’s submarine infiltrating them.

“Medusoid Mycelium in Cave and Return”

Fiona:
Medusoid Mycelium in cave!

Klaus:
Teeming everywhere!

Violet:
What do we do now?

Klaus:
Hell if I know, let’s ask Fiona.

Violet:
Fiona, please.

Fiona:
Let’s stay where we are.
Don’t you get to close to them

Violet:
Should I invent a way out of here?

Fiona:
Well, Violet,
Mushrooms wax and wane in no time
And soon they will disappear
No need to invent—
Just circumvent
Wait it out
I don’t know how much longer
Which could be several hours at a time

Klaus:
A Hobson’s choice
Mom instilled that in us
To get us doing what we didn’t like

Violet:
She made me clean my room
Or “Row, Row, Your Boat”

Klaus:
Do dishes
Else I’d have to read poetry
By Edgar Guest who I never ever liked

Sunny (translated babble):
Bath or pink dress

Violet:
When did Mom get mad?

Klaus:
Haven’t really thought about that
Since our folks died, Vi.
Now what’s the matter, Fi?

Klaus:
It’s a code where you swap certain words in a verse
Can’t figure it out

Sunny (translated babble):
A food code?

Klaus:
That’s a good idea
Fiona will be a custard eclair

Fiona:
I’d like truffles.

Violet:
Look at this letter
Kit Snicket wrote to Gregor
Wants him to move
The mushrooms out
But he did not

She was trying to dilute the bane
At some plant in Lousy lane
But Gregor preferred them where they were
And wished to use them on his foes

Klaus:
So the mushrooms poisoned the Aquatics Center

Fiona:
My brother keeps a deck of cards—
For boring moments such as ours
We used play this little game
Called Fernald’s Folly since it’s his name

Violet:
Funny, you should say that
Fiona, because I just had–
Well, words are all too blurred
There’s nothing of use here, just an ad for ED gel

Fiona:
The mushrooms begin to wane
So we must get ready to get through this hell
To Queequeg
I’ll help Sunny in

Sunny (translated babble):
Thank you, Fi.

Klaus:
You seem quite concerned—
And yet, you’re not even telling any of us
That article seems to have something interesting

Violet:
It’s nothing

Klaus:
Okay

Fiona:
So we all must leave
And we all tell my stepdad we didn’t see it in
And yes, he’ll be disappointed but least we live

Klaus:
And have a taste of Sunny’s new dessert

Fiona:
Well, a non-gum delight won’t hurt

Violet:
How do I tell them about Fernald?

Fiona:
Now our helmets on, let’s leave the cave

[Later on the Queequeg]:

Fiona:
Captain!
Where are you now?
Do you hear me?
Where’s the captain?

Klaus:
We checked the place

Violet:
What are these balloons—
Is it supposed to be a V.F.D. code!

Klaus:
Phil’s not here either

Fiona:
Where are they?
Helmets aren’t here
They left the submarine

Klaus:
Can’t be!

Fiona:
Not sure why
Oh, God Jesus!
They said they’d stay at the sonar screen
How could they leave
I can’t see why
But somehow, they come to—
Leave me
Don’t know why

Klaus:
It’s not your fault
Just remain calm

Fiona:
Don’t take Sunny’s helmet
There’s a spore inside it!
If take it off, infect us all!

Violet:
Jesus, not Sunny!

Fiona:
Start engines, please just go—
While I’ll find an antidote

Violet:
Mot sure I trust you with that

Klaus:
You need a break!

Violet:
She’s coughing, you’re going mad

Fiona:
Fascinating!

Violet:
She is crazy!

Fiona:
Climb that rope ladder, I will be fine

Violet:
She is raving!

Fiona:
Fire up those engines now, aye!
We’ll save our Sunny!

Klaus:
Cool it, I beg you

Fiona:
Now’s not time, we can’t hesitate

Klaus:
Just trust me

Violet:
It’s clear to all
The girl’s insane!

Klaus:
Please don’t!

Violet:
Don’t defend her…

Fiona:
Let’s leave the cave

Violet:
You’re
Clearly cracked!

Klaus:
Do what she says, we must act

Violet:
But Sunny’s sick, you trust her?

Klaus:
Vi, I’m frightened—
And I’m freaking out
Vi, it scares me–
Don’t put me through this ordeal by fire
No use fighting right now
She could die in an hour
Just please let this go

Fiona:
In my stepdad’s absence, I’m your captain
Follow my orders, for they will stand
Go start the engines, we need to leave now
As my stepdad said, a hesitator will always be lost

Violet:
She’s mad …

Klaus:
Give her a break—she has just lost her stepdad
Give her some slack, since we’ve all been through that

Violet:
Klaus, you were right to suspect that I lied
Since this clip has something awful inside
Tells of a fire at the Anwhistle Aquatics Center
Where poor old Gregor burned into a cinder
Her brother started it, he set the place aflame
I know can’t tell her and show this to her face
Oh God, can’t you see, Fiona’s a volatile screed
We need to save ourselves

Klaus:
Violet, Violet, don’t think that I don’t know
But every hope, and every prayer rests on her now

Violet:
So, it is to be war between us! But this time, clever brother, the disaster will be hers!

Klaus:
Jesus, Violet, tell her now
About her older brother
For she will soon find out
Whether in one way or another