working
3 days a week inbetween her big-time lingerie modeling gigs tami drank
green tea all day and made peculiar/annoying sounds as she took each
sip... she also hummed and whistled "i feel pretty" constantly
until she literally drove me fucking out of my mind !! one day when
she forgot to take out the trash i turned her into the immigration office
as a potential spy and fortunately she was deported soon after...

suki sue
1997-98

named
after an ancient steppenwolf song suki was one of the most helpful
interns we ever had... although many members of the sympathy staff
insisted she was constantly taking amphetamines i never really noticed...
she was the fastest file clerk to ever grace our offices and it wasn't
till about six months after she was abducted by scientologists on
hollywood boulevard that i finally realized that she screwed up everything
immensely...

kyoko
2001

very
tall and often prone to wearing provacative outfits kyoko claimed to
be a distant cousin of lucy liu even though we discovered she was actually
born in west covina... she loved the cats around the office and often
brought them little mice that she made at home out of tuna... she was
helpful in the radio promotions department but had a short temper and
cursed vehemently when met with resistance from stations that refused
to cooperate with her requests... one day we just told the security
guards to revoke her employee badge and forbid her entrance...

sumi
2003

helping
(thats a relative term) on tour press for less than 3 weeks sumi was
responsible for dealing with all the schlebs and dweebs from clubs,
and college newspapers... she was um, uh a bit on the incompetent side
to say the least and was really never of much use at all... we only
kept her as long as we did because she used to bring in dozens of donuts
from her parents shop every single morning (i was on a big chocolate
buttermilk donut kick at the time)... when we got tired of the donuts
our patience for her ineptness wore thin so we told her that her co-worker
was rumored to have leprosy and she quickly exited stage right...

leiko
1999

ever
hear the term "marching to the beat of a different drummer"
that describes leiko perfectly... she helped us with data entry for
about 5 months and although she was bright and helpful it eventually
became apparent that she spent most of her time looking at porn on the
internet... she'd break out in a manic giggle with her high-pitched
voice several times an hour which began to irritate me immensely...
when we put a porn block on her computer she was furious and eventually
left to become a suicide girl and actually went to work for their website...

masumi
2001

lead
singer for sympathy faves the banana erectors, may worked for 5 months
while she was in some sort of exchange program at long beach state...
she was a conscientious worker until one day she was attacked outside
the nerve center by a pack of rabid chihuahuas which scared the holy
shit out of her... she caught the next plane home to yamaguchi a few
hours after they released her from the hospital...the faded blood stains
are still visable on the sidewalk from that fateful day... we miss her...

dolly
2000-01

working
in the legal department for over a year dolly is the one that discovered
mr airplane man and was instrumental in drafting and eventually securing
a contract with them... because of this we all thought she was quite
brilliant and had impeccable taste, that was until the day she was discovered
listening to the foo fighters on her headphones at which point she was
severely mocked and belittled and was immediately evicted from the building
forever...

akiko
1998-99

cheery
and sweet to the extent of being annoying akiko simply tried too hard
to please... the other interns accused her of major ass-kissing and
even of performing sexual favours, but to my knowledge that never occurred...
because of the tension she caused it was painfully apparent that she
had to go... a little slow getting the message she was no longer wanted
we eventually told her she either leave or we'd have her arrested for
embezzling office supplies... she finally left and did infact steal
a rolodex on her way out...