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So Lindsay Lohan’s cousin is a hockey player for BC. He got suckerpunched last week at Dominos near fenway park. Side note, I went to the Celtics game that same night and there were asshole Philly fans that were so obnoxious the cops monitored the section. After the game these pieces of shit waited outside north station to fight people. Flash forward to this AM, I saw the video of the assault this AM and noticed they were the same fucking guys. Please see the video of the assault attached and the fan cam image of the people involved. The bald guy is one of the twins in the picture. The guy at the counter in Embiid hersey is on the left. The guy who throws the sucker punch is in the gray north face sweatshirt and black baseball cap and seen at the top right of philly fans.

I love these tough guys when they have the numbers. Kevin Lohan would’ve gone full Lindsey Lohan on any of them one on one and they know it. It’s why they had to resort to jumping him. They’re Philly fans. It’s the only thing they know how to do. Philly fans are not human. They are wild savages that cannot be acclimated into mainstream society. If you see one in the wild just throw mutton at them and get the hell out of there. They have nothing to lose. You do.

Look at this mismatch:

You don’t start a guy who is clearly much bigger and stronger than you unless you know you’re not gonna have to finish the fight. Because that’s just how things work in Philly.

Then this oompa loompa looking mother fucker in the Joel Embiid shirt wobbles over and pulls the tough guy routine to the guy who just got shoved and did not hit back:

Meanwhile he just wants a piece of the bald shithead who pushed him, but instead of getting him the asshole in the black hat sucker punches and tackles him:

Here’s the fan came image:

See em?

I know it’s a long shot because we haven’t conquered the Philadelphia market yet, but does anyone recognize any of these chuds? We only need one name. One name leads to one Facebook page or one IG account which leads to more names once we rifle through their entire lives. Do it for Lindsey Lohan’s cousin. Do it for the Patriots. These are the ANIMALS God’s chosen people are gonna have to deal with in Minneapolis next week. They need to be brought to justice.

I’ve been thinking about that commercial a bit the past few days, what with the winner who ran headlong into the column and the Crisco-slathered light poles. Not to mention the two — TWO — MENSA candidates who went full Mongo and punched the horse

People should forward this to everyone they know in Philly, and hope they forward on so that these jerks are charged with a crime. Sure, they’re punishment will most likely be a slap on the wrist, but they will be burdened with lawyer fees and trips to Boston to defend themselves, and a record.