And Everything Else

October 29, 2008

My dad is back in the hospital. On Monday night he had a coughing fit while taking his medication (nothing super out of the ordinary -- he chokes very easily since losing his larynx to cancer) and aspirated a pill into his lung. He's now being treated for aspiration pneumonia. The good news is that he appears to be responding very well to the treatment and we're hoping he'll come home today. My parents got to "see" the baby via webcam a few hours before the accident, and I spoke with him on the phone yesterday and as always, he sounds great.

***We're all sick too, although in a much less dramatic pneumonia-ish way. Noah came down with a bad, baaaaad cold last week -- he woke up wheezing on Thursday, and because Daddy was home scored himself a trip to the DOCTOR, where Daddy was told that it was indeed just a bad, baaaaaad cold. As we all know, Mama would never have taken him to the doctor, but would have instead smeared some Vaseline on his chest and called it a day.

***I did take Ezra to the doctor yesterday, obviously because he's new and shiny and like soooo the favorite, and his weight is officially back up to 7 pounds, 8.5 ounces. I returned the hospital-grade rental pump and plunked down money for my very own Pump In Style, like a real breastfeeding mother with real boobs that work and sustain her child and stuff.

***
I feel the need to clarify my somewhat slapdashy post from Monday, the
point of which was unintentionally hijacked by the idea that I actually
sterlize my breastpump parts after every feeding. Which I promise you I
do not. Not at all. Once a day, tops, and only because I HAD THRUSH
ONCE, and once you have thrush you cannot ever forget having thrush,
and I guess one of the lifelong side effects of thrush is a compulsion to
sterlize pump parts in the microwave every morning. But that's it! The
only time! Usually I just run everything under hot water for a bit and
pile them up glamorously on a handtowel in our master bathroom. Anything to keep the romance alive, folks.

***

Don't even get me started on this one. Photos like this are the only thing keeping me from selling Noah to the gypsies. He's been challenging. Very, very challenging.

SYNONYMS: SEE ALSO: WILLFUL, TANTRUMMY, DEFIANT, BRATTASTIC.

But that's a topic for another day. Another day when I have two hands free to type and more than two hours of sleep to ruminate on my own failings as his mother and finite amount of patience and when I can actually bear to think about Monday, when I spilled an entire cup of soda on the legs of two well-dressed business people at the mall food court because I was trying to balance a tray in one hand and pull Noah up off the floor where he had melted into a puddle of NOOOOO I WANNA SIT OH DER with the other and everybody was staring at me, ME, the terrible mother who couldn't control her terrible kid and I apologized over and over to the man and woman who I'd splashed with soda but they just glared at me and I could tell she was mentally reminding herself to re-up her birth control prescription, and finally I hauled Noah off by the hood of his jacket and prayed that the ground would just swallow me up whole.

Towards the baby, he is nothing but loving and gentle and proud as can be. His teacher hasn't noticed any change in his behavior at school, and says that he loves talking about Baby Brother and has been more social than ever with his classmates. But towards US, he is downright awful. He yells, he tantrums, he laughs at our panicked faces when he slips away from us in a parking lot.

This isn't how Noah behaves, except that now it totally is, and I'm ashamed to admit that I am not coping with it very well.

The other night, after many time-outs and tantrums, Jason ordered Noah to an early bedtime and was trying to get him into pajamas while desperately clinging to his last bit of patience. I didn't hear the conversation, but apparently Noah started signing that he was scared, and said that he was scared of Daddy, because Daddy was always so mad.

The sound of Jason's heart breaking? Yeah, that I heard.

But...yeah. Let's save that topic for later. Let's all just look at this photo for awhile instead.

Comments

Oh! Oh, Amy. It gets better. It really does. Noah will be fine. Mimi did the same thing when Boo was born -- loved the baby, loved everyone else, hated us with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. They come around.

It's heartbreaking to hear about the struggles you're having with Noah. Maybe he's just overwhelmed by the new change. I'm sure things will even out, the tantrums will lessen. Things will get better! Try to stay postive.

When I had my youngest, my middle child was 19 mos old. He was fabulous with the newest. Just a great big brother. BUT, he acted out his feelings through tantrums and other misbehavior. Mostly, I think, it is attention seeking and frustration at not being #1 and only. They get over it. It gets better. ANd handling the two will get easier too! You will be juggling with the best of us soon! I swear!

please send the gypsies who take little boys over to me in chicago STAT. i have a 5 year old and 3 year old up for grabs. im keeping their 2 month old baby brother. he's the best one of the bunch.
their tantrums? will kill me one day. their cuteness? keeps me from killing them.
yay for boobies, and best wishes for a speedy recovery to your dad.

Those first several weeks home are haaaarrrrrd. I had my second in January and it was winter and my son was just getting started in OT and ST for SPD and ASD and blah de bloo blah blah we almost lost our MINDS. BUT now it is better and I can barely remember it. I am not ashamed to admit I kept a lot of my son's favorite things on hand to throw at him if he was really wigging out to try and save my sanity. I hope it gets better for you soon and I know it will. All will be revealed once everyone is healthier and sleeps better. :)

First things - congratulations!! I thought had done that before, but I'm not sure I actually followed through. Ezra is such a cutie and Noah is, as always, adorable. Smooches to small people (hope it doesn't freak you out that I haven't met them).

Yeah - this I remember. When her younger sister was born, my 22 month old angel baby - just a slight mischievous side, nothing dreadful - turned into the most ginomous PITA. Not towards the baby, who she did and does love unabashedly. Not towards her day care provider. Even Grandma was spared. Nope - just us. We got it with both barrels. It was like she knew her world had just changed and we were clearly at fault and she was going to make us PAY. The good news is that it didn't last too long, although at the time it seemed like forever. I know you'll be fine, but fingers crossed that this phase ends sooner vs. later.

How a post like this make me nostalgic for those good ol' postpartum days is a mystery that will never be solved.

It wasn't at a food court, but I spilled a glass of wine on my kid's head last night (she tackled me and therefore deserved it), and then had to explain to her father why she smelled like a wino when he tucked her in.

It was too late for a bath, so her teacher may have some questions about that too.

I had my second baby in January, my daughter had just turned 6 in December. GAWD, was it hard. I did everything I could think to prepare her for role of Big Sister and ready her for the Changes About To Take Place. I thought I had done a good job. I had thought wrong.

I was also not prepared. Prepared for the baby, yes. Prepared for her, no.

Like Noah, she was nothing but gentle, loving, affectionate and sweet with her little baby brother. But with me, she was A.W.F.U.L.

My once polite, mild-mannered, happy to please me girl, turned into a hateful, tantrummy, spiteful, mean little girl. She threw fits, outright disobeyed simple requests, refused to go to bed, eat, play alone, etc. She would cry loudly anytime she didn't get EXACTLY what she wanted and especially so if Jonah was sleeping and I asked her to please keep the volume down.

She was mad at me, jealous of my time with baby, and very unhappy with the new changes. I don't know if Noah feels this way or not, but it is obviously how Olivia felt.

I hate to admit, but I got to where I was so happy to send her off to Kindergarden (where for the record, the teacher noticed NO CHANGE in her behavior, she was still her same sweet little girl self in school and with anyone other than me) so I could be alone with the "good child" and dreaded her coming home. I hated my evenings with her, and despised bedtime with her...but loved it once she was asleep and I could snuggle up with my new precious little baby.

Of course I was very conscientious of my feeling this way, so went out of my way and made sure not to let her know these things. I still forced myself to do what she needed, even though I was growing more resentful towards her by the day...hell, by the hour. She said things like, "You love the baby more than me." "You care more about what Jonah wants than what I want." "I knew you would have a baby then forget all about me." etc.

I always tried to explain to her, and rationalize with her, convince her I still loved her just as much, praised her good Big Sis behavior, etc.

We got to a point where I didn't know what to do to deal with it all anymore. Between her mean neediness, the newborn's obvious care needs, and then back to work after 8 weeks off, and to top it all off, being a single parent (Olivia's Dad is deceased and Jonah's Dad is 'not in the picture') I about wanted to end it all. It was bad.

Then just like that, things got better. I don't even know what happened, other than I got better at managing my time with them, she grew accustomed to having to share me, and he becomes more independant each day. But we are so very okay now, and it's nice.

I like her again. And she likes me. And we both like the baby, and he likes both of us. Lots of like going around in our house. Even some love.

She is helpful and courteous, she can make Jonah smile and laugh like no one else can, and it's all just very good now.

I guess, in my long winded, you probably don't care about my story because it's very different than yours, type comment, I am trying to say...I understand the heartbreaking. And it does very much suck.

I hope it all evens out soon. Things will feel so much better when it does.

You are all in my thoughts. And....also, they are so adorable, that Noah and Ezra!

I had the same problem when I had my youngest son. Drew, the oldest, was almost 3 and he was very loving to Jacob (the youngest) when we brought him home from the hospital, and pure evil to my husband and I, and although I loved him, I didn't like him that much. He did outgrow it, so just hang in there! Of course a year later, he is in another "challenging" phase. (Like how I tried to make it a positive by calling it "challenging?") Anyway, it will get better- just keep staring at those pictures! It definitely helped me! :)

Noah's behavior is totally normal. Horrendous, but normal. When my second daughter was born, my older (my formerly sweet, compliant,loving) daughter turned into a raging brat towards us. The baby? She loved her sister. Us? She hated, couldn't see how she put up with us for 4 years.

In the first 6 months, she:
1. Had a tantrum where she attempted to throw ALL her toys at me.

2. Had to be scraped off of countless store floors.

3. And the worst - ran away INTO A FIELD IN MOUNTAIN LION TERRITORY and refused to stop running. I was alone with her, with the baby strapped to me in a bjorn. Swear to god, I almost just left her to the lions I was so pissed.

Sounds like Noah is a perfectly normal three year old. And considering how much he loves, loves Baby Brother, I wouldn't worry about it being about the new baby... just sounds like he's being three. Which still sucks. But at least he'll still pose for those lovely photos.

Aww, I'm so sorry. That sounds terrible. I don't know how my mother did it with me. I was a TOTAL BRAT when my sister was born when I was 2 (I punched her in the itty bitty new born face). At least Noah is good with Ezra. I hope things get better soon.

Ohhhh, I so feel your pain. My girls are 3 years apart and my sweetest, kindest daughter turned into a tyrant when her little sister was born... but only to me and my husband. I became a YELLER for a very short time. And then about 4 weeks into things all returned to normal. THANK GOD!

I did not read the other comments but just try to remember, he behaves that way for you because he feels safe. He knows you'll keep loving him even if he's taking out all his frustrations with the changes in your lives on you. It will get better.

They always take it out on the ones they love and trust the most. Because, he knows that no matter how much he acts up Mommy and Daddy will always love him. Just keep telling yourself that this to shall pass. My boys are 6 1/2 and 3 1/2 and although they do fight they also play together very well. They still try my patience on a daily basis but I think that's just part of having kids. Good Luck!! The pictures are beautiful.

Oh, my heart just broke for you guys re: Noah. He's going to be fine, but what a tough adjustment for him.

Other thing re: pump parts - if you want to save some time in between pumpings, just stuff everything into a Ziploc bag and into the fridge in between, then do your normal sterilizing each night. Saves on all the rinsing, etc.

That's totally typical new sibling behaviour, as I'm sure you know. Try to ignore as much bad stuff as you can. Each of you (Jason and you) could take him out, alone for some special Noah time. Take him out for ice cream, or to the books store.

I found age three in general to be a little more, er, "challenging" than two. Probably compounded a little by the fact that there is a newcomer in the house. But I think it's actually encouraging that his behavior at school is unchanged, if maybe even a little more positive. That's pretty awesome, actually. Kids are always the hardest on us because they KNOW we aren't going anywhere :)

He's mad at you guys because it's YOUR FAULT that attention-getting little brother came to live with him, and it wouldn't be nice to be mad at someone so little, so he's mad at you. When things settle down with Ezra and he no longer consumes 75% of your waking hours, and everyone falls into the quiet groove of having two kids, then Noah will come around. But for now, poor Jason!

I'm sure you already figured this out... but you can buy additional parts for the pump. I pumped at work for months and months and instead of trotting down the hall (full of male engineers) with my milky pump parts to clean in the bathroom, I bought enough to pump all day with clean parts each time. Then I put them all in the dishwasher at the end of the day.

(I also continued to go into my private lock-able room a few times a day after I stopped pumping. It was a nice little break. But that's another story.)

My daughter was almost 4 when my son was born and she was the most calm, sweet, well behaved child I had ever known. She had never in her short life had a tantrum or defied us. Living with her was heaven (most days).

When her brother was born she loved him fiercely, acted just fine with family and friends. But in the comfort of her own home she treated us like crap. Crying, defying, throwing things, HITTING (??), etc.

We did everything to try and make the transition easy on her. We spent more time with her, had her help with the baby, really poured on the love and attention, but it didn't matter.

I can remember sitting on the nursery floor crying to my mother on the phone about how I had dropped Isabel off at my MIL's house to have the baby and I picked up a totally different child 3 days later. My mom told me to be patient, that Isabel's world had been rocked to the core and she didn't understand the feelings she was feeling and was acting out toward the people she knew would love her no matter what.

Made sense, so I just gave it a few weeks. She returned to my sweet child in time, thank goodness.

It is good that he's not acting up anywhere but home, seriously. It means you're safe, and it sucks, and it is horrible, but he will be fine, but you already know that. He may just need to hang out in his room by himself occasionally.

Yes, yes and yes. My son (just 2 months younger than Noah) was the same way after my daughter was born in May. He is still very sweet and fond of his sister and only occasionally has asked me to "put her down" when he's needed some extra mom time.

But to me? He was awful. He's a better now (5 months later) but we're in the perfect storm of new sibling plus turning three which is a difficult time behaviorally anyway. Hang in there. Like you, my postpartum with the new baby was less weepy/emotional, but what I did end up crying about was my son and how little patience I had for him and what a terrible job of disciplining him I was doing. My best advice? Exactly what you are doing... an early bedtime for the preschooler and a glass of wine for Mommy.

I think that somewhere between 3 & 4, most kids become a little more monsterish, so know you are in good company. It may or may not have anything to do with the new brother. I've even seen it with my son who has two older sisters and no newbies under him to react against.

The good news is that a lot of it passes as they get older. Well, they can still be little monsters, but maybe I'm just not as affected by it anymore. Plus, more sleep helps with the coping.

Oh, I'm so sorry that Noah is being so awful. As others have said, it WILL pass, even though every day will feel like torture between now and then. Have you tried rewarding him for good behavior? A quick little chart with stickers and then a reward for "x" number of stickers can be a powerful motivating tool for that age. I remember about three months before my son turned 3 and I thought I would choke or shake him every day, he was so awful. A sticker chart didn't make everything all sunshine and rainbows but it certainly helped calm everyone down.

My neighbors had their second baby about a week before Erza was born (I always knew exactly how pregnant she was because I read your blog lol). Their first son is almost 4, and he's been having a very tough time with the adjustment too. My kids are less than a year apart, and as far as I can see, one of the few benefits of that spacing is that my first child had very little reaction to the arrival of #2. She was too young to have started tantruming. So, uh, good luck with all that. :)

Hugss you are not alone. Thou it feels like it. My son 4 at the time his sister was born started running from me in the store. So I couldn't go anywhere unless I had a another adult with me to chase him down.
He was very proud of her and loved her but made me and the hubster pay for it for a few months. I think it was like 3 months. Right about the time she would smile all the time.

Ahh, 3-year-olds. Adorable and loveable as they are, they still kind of suck. M figured out the "Mama, I'm scared of you" trick a few months ago, and it took me about 10 minutes to run out of patience with it. They're figuring out that they have a voice, opinions, and the power to (try to) get their way, and they're experimenting with those skills.

This is all a long way of saying it isn't just Noah. My entire playgroup is debating how much we could get for our kids on Craig's List.

Amy! Oh, yes. I had my daughter in June, and we thought we had averted the whole jealousy thing when my son just simply could not get enough of her... he gushed about her everywhere and was so gentle and loving... toward her. And US? Whoa, the ANGER..the SOUND (and the FURY). I couldn't believe it. My son had just been so mellow and cooperative and well, "not one of THOSE three year olds." And then, WTF? It was like Jeckyl, meet Hyde? I even took him to his pediatrician to talk about his "issues." It's getting a lot better (it took a good three to four months), but whoa, I dont envy where you are at all! I guess its all normal, and we here in Parentville love to hear that our kid is normal, but the NEW normal is sometimes a little yikesy. Don't worry, though. We second child parenters..WE HAVE YOUR BACK!

It gets better eventually. During the first 6 weeks of my second child's life, my 2y9mo daughter cried more than the baby. About everything. She was so mad at me, I didn't get a hug for a whole WEEK! She had been a momma's girl until then. It was so, so hard. It got better about week 12; but it didn't return to normal until the baby was 9 months old; I think long enough that my older child forgot what life had been like as an only child. Poor thing lost her way of life due to circumstances beyond her control.

My assvice: You're probably already doing this, I know, but just in case: any time you put the baby down, put Noah on your lap even if it means not brushing your teeth that day. Also, anytime someone comes over to meet the baby, hand him off and grab Noah for you. Baby doesn't remember who's holding him, Noah remembers who isn't.

Finally, more assvice on the public temper tantrum thing: Noah's afraid of losing you. If he throws a tantrum and you walk away (not too far of course, but say you could sit down at the Mall food court at the closest chair), it's likely he'll get up and come to you. Not always. And when he does, welcome his arrival with open arms. It will disarm him.

I remember those days and why I eventually refused to leave the house with both kids until the youngest was 3 months old. Too much stress for tired sore momma. Give yourself a break!

Oh, man. I feel your pain - it's the three thing. I am in the same hell. People keep telling me it will pass, and I am waiting to get my sweet child back. I guess this is the part where I tell you that's how it will happen for you, too.

i don't have any kids so i don't have any advice or anything about the tantrums, but i just wanted to say thank you for continuing to post with all you have going on and thank you for the absolutely adorable pics!!

I'm so sorry that Noah is acting up like this. I've found with my two that there are days (weeks) where I just.can't.handle.their.shit. and I slowly find myself distancing myself from them. I hate that. Equally because I feel horrible when I realize I've been doing it and because it makes them act up more. Mostly it's the oldest who does and gets the youngest riled up and doing it too. I found that the easiest way to make us all happy (que sappy music) is to put down my distractions and go snuggle/hug the oldest. He feels better, the youngest sometimes feels better, I... well, the boys act better so I feel better.

I'm so glad everyone has chimed in to tell you that it gets better. I have one of those Remarkably Well-Behaved Around Everyone children, and no one believes me when I say he can be horrible to Dave and I behind closed doors. So I anticipate a lot of this in my future too. My future, which is going to occur in LESS THAN NINE WEEKS, HALP.

Oh no! Well, I can tell you it's normal. Because yeah it makes it all better that your kid's awfullness towards you is normal. My three year old pushed us to the point that it seemed like even just talking to her was done in very stern yelling like voices. Now my husband and I try to remember to take a breath before reacting. Our tempers still get the better of us at times but we've found just taking that quick extra breath saves our daughter's life almost daily.

Oh geez, mine is only two and a half and she is already pulling the same crap. AND the babies ( thats right plural, as in two of them) haven't even arrived yet. I am going to be in for it. And in our house it is Mommy who gets told "Stop being mad Mommy, be happy" We're all going to need therapy.

I can totally relate. I wanted to give my older daughter away when my second was born. She was SO bad to me and the baby. (Put that baby down, throw that baby away, etc.) Now, they are 3 1/2 and 19 months, and they like each other! So, hang in there, it is a long hard road, but once the baby can sit up and play on his own, Noah will like you better too!

One time a woman with a tantrum-throwing small child accidentally spilled WATER on my leg in a mall food court. Water. I just want to stress it was not soda or beer or a frozen slushie or something that would stain.

I smiled at her, picked up the cup, and threw it away.

She started crying, thanking me almost hysterically, and I walked away wondering why she was so upset.

First, I've heard from "people" (meaning no real, official, or qualified sources, but just randomly internetish folks) that you can just throw your pump parts in the frig and skip that pesky rinsing thing, on the theory that breastmilk stays good in the frig for days. (Aside - I think I currently have thrush. I may not be a trustworthy source.)

Second - How do I contact the gypsies you spoke of? I have a 6 week old and an almost 3 year old...and I think it might be gypsie time.

I know it doesn't help you now, but Noah is being soooo totally normal and it WILL get better. My son (now 5) did the exact same thing when my daughter (now 2) was born. He was so loving to her, so nice to everyone else, but a total devil to me. I can't remember when it got better, but it did, and it wasn't *too* long.

I'm so glad I read this and all the comments, because I've been going through hell with my 3 year old for the last 8 weeks, and felt like I was this horrible mom who was doing everything wrong. My son even said his daddy didn't like him anymore. It's been horrible.

Oh my goodness. It'll get better! And, in addition to being able to look forward to betterness, you have one more adorable kid to share the betterness with! And they say we only really remember the good times! With the help of adorable pictures like those!!

Just wanted to let you know I hear you. I hope it gets better :-) I have 3 yr old, 1 yr old, and a lima bean to be had next summer. The 3 yr old is DRIVING ME INSANE. I cried the other night because i came *this close* to smacking the crap out of him. I feel like a horrible mom because I lose my cool every single day with him. I have carried the baby on one hip and dragged my 3 yr old by the wrist while he pretends his limbs are made of jello out of more establishments than I can count. It is soooooo tough.

His nursery school teacher, babysitters, etc all report him to be an exceptionally charming and delightful child. Its just for me he's a pain in the ass.

Hang in there. Things will get better, they always do. (I'm telling myself this too.)

We just had this same thing happen where our sweet, sweet child went out of his freaking mind seemingly overnight. You said that Noah had a bad cold, which our son did too. We were treating the cough that came with it with children's cough medicine. Yeah, if you are doing that, try stopping the cough medicine. We stopped the medicine, even though he could have probably could have used another day or two of it, and like magic 12 hours later after a good night's sleep, he was back to his old self. Just a thought if you do not (other than a new baby which is certainly rocking his world) have any other explanation for his sudden personality change.

My three (soon to be four) year old has had his little brother around for nearly two years. It gets better. Actually, and though it will make you puke to hear it, it's very normal and healthy that Noah is acting out with you guys. He is certain of your love and acceptance, no matter how grisly he is.

Yes, he's going through a big adjustment, and he's decided that Mama and Daddy will pay, and that's so normal I'm pretty sure millions of books have been written about it. My middle child was fairly grisly when the little one was born, but he got over it, partly (I think)because I followed the one piece of advice I got--and this goes against all our motherly instincts, but IT WORKS--if the baby is squalling but is fine (i.e. not being impaled by large piece of farm equipment or such) and the older child needs something, like a cup of juice, get what the older kid needs before you scoop up the baby.

Because the baby will honestly not remember you putting Big Brother first. Big Brother, however, will remember that Baby Brother got in the way of his juice cup refill and will resent it. I thought this was pure baloney, but I tried it and my older kids were always sweet to their baby brothers, and the tantrums subsided.

I have a wonderful kids' book, called "No Matter What" by Deb Gliori, that I read to my boys often. It reminds them that no matter how "grim and grumpy" they may be, I still love them. Actually, I think I read it more for me than for them. But it works.

Wow, this sounds familiar with my 2.5 year old. He likes to thrown tantrums for ME...not ANYONE else...and I hate it. I am not sure why he does it but just to spite me. I wish I could figure out the answer.

God do I remember those days. Mine were 2 years, 9 mos. apart, and big brother was none too happy with me. It's one thing for the baby to come, it's totally another for her to actually stay? And take all mama's attention? And be the reason I have to wait for whatever it is I'm waiting for? Wait a minute -- no one told me about this part of being a big brother.

Yep, I remember. And I also remember that it went away. Here's hoping yours is short-lived.

Hang in there honey! You aren't a failure and neither is Jason. Change is always hard and it's especially hard when you're three and don't really get why things have changed so much so fast. Noah will come around and start acting like himself again. And fuck those people in the food court! I couldn't imagine glaring at someone who is apologizing to me and obviously has a newborn and a toddler to wrangle. (I save my glares for the person whose kids are crazy, loud, and destructive but they don't give a damn because they're the most perfect kid EVER and I should be honored that they're running around my shopping cart, spitting on my shoes and digging in my purse. You know, assholes. Not overwhelmed people who are trying their best.)

ANYWAY, continue to do your best and hang in there and know that this will be over soon. It still sucks to be going through it, but it will end soon and you'll be able to enjoy your new larger family.

And congrats on breastfeeding working out for you this time. I'm sure you're happy about that!

I know I'm repeating what everyone else had said, but hey, when you're sleep deprived, you need a little bit extra for it to sink in! :)

The Noah thing: so, so normal. Incredibly, ridiculously, frustratingly, maddeningly NORMAL. Plus he's three, which I think that all little boys should skip, just as a courtesy to their moms. And he's adjusting too. Two things that helped my daughter when her twin brothers were born when she was about 2 1/2: hanging out with my super-cool neighbor who had a daughter her age and a special toy (in this case Madeline paper dolls, but whatever works!) that was just a Mommy and Abby toy. Sometimes just sitting with her for five minutes with those silly paper dolls made her day. It didn't make life easy, but it helped.

And NO GUILT!! If the worst thing you've ever done to Noah is to give him a lovely sibling who will be a friend and a support throughout his whole life? Eh, you're doing awesome.

Both your kids are super-cute, which is of course God's plan to prevent us from feeding them to the wolves. Hang in there!

Oh, I've been there. Added to the mess was that I couldn't pick up my 2y6m old daughter because of my c-section. She kept wanting up! up! but I had to sit down and pull her onto me so I wouldn't hurt myself. At least my husband was home for 2 months so we could deal with her, and we kept her in daycare and she visited her granny's, and that all made it easier. She's pretty much back to her normal sweet self at 4 months post new baby, so keep that in mind. My daughter came out with the "whyyyyyyyy whywyyyyyieiee" questions when my new daughter was born. I thought she was going to kill me with questions. :)

I am really sorry to hear about your dad. Thoughts are with you and your family!

And, also, the snuggly-yummy-goodness of Noah and Ezra totally wiped out anything I read about this whole TWO BABIES AIN'T NO PICNIC stuff. All I gleened was awwwrrghhh...adorable...gorgeous brothers...want MOAR BABIES.

The lack of patience is the worst part. Don't worry, Noah won't remember it, and he'll be back to his normal sweet self soon enough. Hang in there, I know it's super rough. Mine are 4m and 26m and I feel like we are just about coming out of the deep dark woods. But it goes fast, so fast.

Hey there.. I just recently started reading, but it's amazing to me how similar some of our experiences have been - right down to the issues with nursing the first time around..

I have an almost-3 year old (in December) and am due w/our 2nd in two weeks (yikes).. so I can relate to most of your stories. My 3 y/o actually started hating my husband and I several weeks ago, after we threw additional "move to preschool, desert all of your old daycare friends, and btw here's your new big boy bed and big boy room" transitions on him in addition to the "baby sister is coming!" talks. I've heard for weeks that it's just a phase, I'm waiting for him to prove them right - hopefully sooner than later.

As my daycare providers warned us--the 3s are what's really terrible, not the 2s. My son is 3.5, and we see a lot of whining and tantrums now that we never had to deal with before. And talking back, and trying to put US in timeout, etc.

Of course, all of THAT turns us into time-out giving, patience-losing, red-faced yelling parents, which we don't want to be. And as soon as you realize your child is scared of you, it really does give you one hell of a sucker-punch.

This parenting shit is HARD, and I only have one kid. I think you & Jason will hit your stride just fine. Everything you're going through with Noah is totally normal--his actions, and your responses to it. It will get better.

I am so sorry to say I know how it goes with No. 1 feeling displaced. And it's not going to get any better any time in the near future. I would say it takes about a month or two for things to really settle down. I have been there and done that and I can honestly say there were days I questioned my decision to have two kids because clearly, I was failing everyone. But then No. 1 stopped behaving like an asshole and things got a lot better. So yay for me!

Also, I was thinking you sterilized an awful lot and was wondering where you found the time. But now I see you are just like me. We still have pump parts on the kitchen counter on a paper towel. I am just too lazy to ever put them away and I only pump every couple of weeks at this point.

I don't have kids, and I often wonder if moms can read that look on my face where I'm thinking about upping my birth control pill to a stronger dose... just to make sure. To you and all the struggling moms out there, we're sorry. We don't really hate you. We just really don't want to be you at that moment!

As a mother of almost four, I will not feed you any bull crap about how it will pass and soon everything will be back to quasi-normal all with happy little pink and blue flowers. I will commiserate completely, however. It's hard as hell; it just totally sux. Make that capital S. And I hate those people in the store. All of them. Oh no, please just finish your soy mocha latte and stare menacingly at me and my child, sending your waves of judgement, but don't actually get off your ass and help with the screaming 2/4/25 year old and the frantic mother. *sigh* How about I just hold your hand in the food court?

I know this is going to sound crazy, but I am pretty sure I sent you the snap and go type stroller off your list and I got a confirmation email for the purchase but I don't remember getting a shipping email. Did you get it? If not I need to look into it. Anyway, your boys are adorable.

Wow, your commenters are REALLY making me want to have another! Ha, I can't even handle him throwing tantrums now without a second baby. Will probably hold off on that (perhaps forever.)
BTW, Nebraska, you know, just made it legal to surrender children 18 and under to CPS, no questions asked. (The Daddy and I have decided to cultivate an irrational fear of Nebraska in our son. You know, ala: If you don't shape up and stop trying to hit Mommy in the face, I am driving your boneless butt to Nebraska.) Just saying.
Those photos are just adorable. The brotherly love, the similar faces: cuteness overload! (We had that same little starred outfit for my son, and it was one of our favorites; made me happy just to see him in it.)
Good luck with Noah. I'm sure he WILL come around, but he's gotta take not being the only child out on someone, I suppose.

Remember how HARD it was when Noah was a baby, because he was your first baby and you had no idea what you were doing half the time? Keep in mind that even though Ezra is your second baby and you're much more relaxed and confident, Ezra is Noah's FIRST baby and he doesn't know what's going on or how this is going to change his world. It will get better, I promise!

Oh Amy...I FEEL YOUR PAIN..on SOOO many levels...I have a 5, 3, and 11month old..and the three year old is and has always been a tantrum thrower, and yeller and hitter?? while he big brother and little sister continue to be angels from GOD it seems..I don't know what to do...it's hard, it sucks sometimes..but we're still weathering the storm...but there are good days..great days even...all I can say is I UNDERSTAND..and obviously a lot of people do here...we are here for ya!

And as for Ann's comment: Do you not have kids??? Newborns are not fragile creatures..they can go outside...they are allowed to see the light of day...

OHHHHHHHH yeah. I had a baby in April and my 4-year old reacted the same way as Noah did. Except mine was awful at school as well. It's tough for the older ones. In fact, my 4-year old didn't talk to me for a couple of weeks. He completely ignored me and everything I said. It was ROUGH. VERY.

He got over it. Now he's back to being his typical only occasionally brattastic self. It gets better.

I'm glad the boobs are working well!! As you've been told it will get much easier with the kids. Noah will see that he is still super duper awesome and a keeper but so is brother. Lots of extra kisses and hugs and specialness towards Noah will be good. Try to let him help with his baby too. I am sure it is scary when the new model is brought home ;)

Brattastic! I LOVE it! I can see myself referring to my own challenging 3-year old as brattastic! On the 'scared of daddy' thing. We've gone through that since #2 was born. I've had to really really get on hubbs case about being so moody with Grace because it got to the point where she called him 'mean daddy' and stuff. Which he hated and broke his heart yet he didn't understand that it was just that he had taken on the role of 'bad cop' and always seemed to be in character. He's been much better about actually spending time with her (and I don't mean just being in the same room) and she's been much better behaved. Good luck!

I know, I've got one too (Jasper's 2 weeks younger than Noah) AND we had 'the baby' when he was 20 months old, so don't worry that it's some sort of retaliation at you guys for having a baby!

Here's what I know now after having four - pick your battles and accept that yes, there is a lot of tantrumming/screaming/public place showdowns with a three year old. BUT if you don't weather those storms you end up with one hell of a brat at 5, 10 and a juvenile delinquent at 15.

I'm telling myself this as much as you - my shiny happy high-on-life Jasper is devil spawn at the moment with moments of deliciousness (as if to remind me NOT to sell him to the gypsies)

Just keep going. Know that it will pass. Know that the Noah of yore will return (from past experience at about 4.5 but that makes my head explode too so lets not worry about when, just live in the knowledge it does pass).

As a long time lurker, I just have to say that I wish we were friends because I would help! Help I would! I love and adore my friends' kids and enjoy giving them help and time off of "the job". It sounds like right now, you just need one extra set of hands to allow you time to breathe. or sleep. or eat. or, ya know, bathe yourself. luxuries!

And, as a resident of Catonsville, I can imagine the unempathetic, nasty stares of our fellow Maryland residents, as they are so important and busy and how dare you be human and spill something during what is obviously not the best moment in your day. THE NERVE!

anyway, good vibes and thoughts are being sent your way. i hope everyone gets healthy and that Noah's adjustment starts to even out.

Sometimes, when my mom wants to send me into the lowest level of guilt hell, she reminds me that when my brother was born, I was so awful that they ended up taking me to a child shrink to figure out what the hell was going on with me.

I think it's pretty common. It's just Noah's way of adjusting to not being the "one and only" and he doesn't have any other way to show you.

Sounds like Noah is putting the blame for not being the one and only right where it belongs. Kudos to you and Jason for that. Lots of kids blame the baby and act out towards the baby. It will get better. Just acknowledge his feelings and don't try to redirect or reword it for him. It's hard to go from being Mama's shining star to second rate. I'm not saying you're treating him like that, of course not. But it's hard not to coo and ooh and aah over the shiny new one.

I asked my mother one time (because my memories are vague) of how I acted when my twin baby brothers came how. According to her, I was mean and hateful to her and uber attached to my Dad. I also bit my brothers up and down their spines... I know, I know. I don't remember that, but I'm sure it happened. I was mad because there was only supposed to be one and it was supposed to be a girl, and they totally were not. It gets better though. :)

I too, was curious, about the baby being out so early. But not in the crazy mean creepy way of the other commenter. I thought you couldn't do that until 6 weeks because of the risk of illness or whatever. (Can you tell I am the childless one here? LOL)