4 questions: Go for the gold

Q: So you must be pretty excited about this time of year, huh, do ya now?

A: Yeah, yeah it’s great. Hey, listen, do you mind if we drop the ridiculous faux-Irish speech patterns and just talk like a human? Because you sound like a dork, and it gets really exhausting for me, doing all the “ohs!” and the “tee tah tee tah tooss” all the time. I’m just a guy. My name’s Matt.

A: I think the worst part is the image. The culture has a very specific idea of what a leprechaun should look like, so we sort of have to keep up that image. It’s silly tourist stuff, but what are you gonna do? Like I sit around my house wearing an 18-inch-tall green Pilgrims hat, giant gold belt buckle and knee-high socks. If I’m just going to the store or whatever, I’ll wear sweats and my Swell Season T-shirt.

Q: So is it true that leprechauns enjoy — and I’m quoting the Internet — “partaking in mischief?”

A: Oh, sure, if you’re talking about leprechauns who are 8. We get into some serious stuff out here. There’s tractor pulls, monster-truck races, a lot of gambling. We even have our own Fight Club. We take it seriously, but, I have to admit, it looks pretty hilarious.

Q: What’s the worst thing about being a leprechaun?

A: Well, aside from the idea of boiling the full cultural spectrum of a great nation down into the cartoon image of a 3-foot-tall drunken imp? Well, the beard gets hot in the summertime, but we can’t shave, because we’re leprechauns. We also hate it when people mistake us for hobbits. Here’s how you can tell me apart from a hobbit: I’M WEARING LEPRECHAUN CLOTHES AND HAVE A GIANT RED BEARD.