How I bust gender stereotypes – ‘My parenting mantra’ Blog train

I always thrive to break the stereotypes if it makes rational sense to me. Even before my first child was born, my husband and I had decided to bust the usual gender stereotypes in our family. We wanted to give a gender neutral environment to our child. Today, I want to share with you all about how I bust gender stereotypes and how I ensure that my little muffins know, that they could achieve anything they want in life, irrespective of their gender.

Welcome aboard our blog train – MY PARENTING MANTRA- an amazing Blog Train journey of some really wonderful bloggers. This train has been driving around for over a month now and I promise you that it would bring you some enriching content that would add to your own parenting experience.

I would like to Thank Pranita from Merogandmom for introducing me as the next driver. Read about her parenting style here!

It’s hightime we flex some muscles and bust the gender stereotypes in our society.

Kids have a natural ability to see the world without any limits. However it’s often observed that the adults usually signal that certain behaviour or things should be off the limits for kids based on their gender.

When this happens, the little heart gets smaller and smaller and it could also damage the child’s character.
All parents have the best intention for their child, however one might end up promoting stereotypes unknowingly, that could fence your child in.

The mantras that I follow, would ensure that your child understands that he or she could accomplish anything in life.

1. Let there be just toys:

Give your child a wide variety of toys to play with, for the sheer reason that it’s still unknown what the child would gravitate towards and why.
Your son might like playing with the kitchen set, since he sees you in the kitchen most of the times and wants to be like you.
Your daughter might like action figures merely because she enjoyed watching the latest super hero movie.
You won’t really know what your child might want unless you give her some options and encouragement to seek out what interests her the most.
That also means that if your daughter chooses to play with dolls, accept it as long as it’s absolutely her choice and isn’t the only option presented to her.

2. Make your child meet some meaningful people:

By meaningful people I mean making your child meet women who have followed all sorts of paths in life.
The reason why I’m suggesting this, is that the kids often take women as the ones who are responsible for taking care of her family. It’s important for the kids to understand that women have passions, interests and career outside of their family life. It would help expand your child’s horizons and would show her all the things women could do.
You could also get your child some child friendly biographies that showcase the real life achievements of women all over the world.

3. Discuss what you watch:

Television shows and online videos have a really short period of time to convert a story, and kids usually rely on the visual cues they get from there which is quite often gender stereotypical.
I wouldn’t suggest to avoid watching such things, rather watch and discuss.
Ask your child questions like, was the main character male or female? Would it make sense if that character’s gender was reversed?
The more you help your child look at the media critically and understand the negative impact of the gender stereotypes, the better equipped he or she would be, to defy them throughout their lives.

4. Think and then speak:

Your child is watching you all the time. How you speak about the women in your life has a big impact on the way your child would view a woman (or herself if you have a daughter).
When you compliment a girlfriend, your sister or a co-worker, avoid complimenting all the time about their clothes or how they look.
What I would suggest is, try to broaden what you praise in other women. Compliment them about how you admire their work, or like how they nailed it in a meeting.
All women, including your daughter definitely love being called beautiful, but they also need to know that they are valued for so much more than just their looks.
Also avoid talking ill about how someone looks, this could make your child learn about judging someone based on their appearances.

5. Chores have no gender:

You should try to assign household responsibilities in a rotating schedule, so everyone could get to try their hand at everything. If you have same gender Kids like me, try to showcase an environment where your husband and you switch your household tasks often, so your child understands that there isn’t any gender based chore.

6. Be adventurous:

Try to have some time together with your child where you could just do whatever you want. If you have a daughter you could paint your nails someday, but ensure you don’t do it most of the times or everyday. Be adventurous and try some fun outdoor sport too. This helps a girl child to see herself as capable and strong and not just a pretty kid. It would also teach her that the sports aren’t just for boys.

On this note I would like to thank you for hoping on the Parenting Journey of our famous Blog Train. Kindly meet our next driver Vasantha who is an amazing blogger who blogs at www.mysweetnothings.in .

A Work at home mom is often known by an acronym WAHM, the term that I find quite repulsive.

The truth behind this term is that, the work at home moms have actually two jobs at hand:the one that pays their bills and the other one where they have to spend hours convincing a few people around, that working at home isn’t a work that lets you relax and have leisure.

Next time you come across a work at home mom, it would be lovely if you could refrain from saying any of the comments penned below. Well!!! more because instead of explaining or giving an answer to your question, a work at home mom would wish to spend her precious time working, which she totally loves doing.

1. I wish I could wear those shorts all day and work at the same time.

So the fact is that we aren’t in our shorts or pyjamas the whole day, specially not when we have to go to our child’s school, or take the little one for vaccination, or do some grocery shopping or when we hang out with our friends and family.
We work at home mom’s love our shorts and pyjamas, however we too love changing into beautiful clean clothes at the start of the day, just like every other soul on our planet.
The fact that our work desk is a comfy couch or our bed, doesn’t mean that we sit there whole day looking like a woman who is sick and is munching on some pop corns and watching her favourite show on YouTube simultaneously.

2. Wow! I so wish my job was as easy as yours.

So here’s the interesting story behind my easy job. After my husband and kids dose off and are happy in their dream world, I stay awake for upto 4 hours, finish my work and struggle to sleep for another one hour. And in the morning I wake up the kids, get my elder muffin ready for school, get her snack box ready, bathe my younger muffin, bathe myself, get the breakfast ready for everyone at home ( for which my mother in law helps me sometimes), and then drop my girl to school while carrying the little one in my precious baby carrier. After coming back home I steal some time during the day from all the big and small things happening at home, to finish my work. And like everyone says: It’s easy like hell?.

3. I wonder how it feels to be at home all day, and being able to get a pedicure whenever you feel like.

Bubble burst time: Come home and look at my toes, which look as if I have ignored them ever since I took birth on my beautiful planet. Working at home takes more time and energy of mine, than any of my jobs I ever did. I don’t have any coffee machine like real work places, which could help me when I’m on a break. The only break I have is when I sneak and run into the washroom, while my girls start banging at the door.

4. I wonder what you do all day?

This is a killer question, that might make you trigger the killer instinct of a work at home mom. She might be busy sharpening her knife behind her while you are waiting for an answer.
So, I’m sure you know how dangerous it can get for you.

5. How do you manage not meeting real humans all day?

Fact time: Internet is a great thing. I wish you knew how wonderfully it connects you to other humans. It can actually help you have a face to face conversation any time of the day. A lot of moms who work from home have loads of video meetings, Skype video calls and travels related to work happening all the time.So yes!! we do have real humans around, we also do have friends whom we meet when we aren’t working.

6. How do you manage doing your work, with no domestic help to help you with your kids?

7. Would it be fine if I could drop my kids over, since you work from home itself. I’m sure you can manage.

I love you my dear friend, but please answer my one extremely important question.Would you stop by and drop your kids with me, if my work place was a cubicle? I’m sure you wouldn’t.
So please remember this next time you wish to ask me this, Coz I’m really bad at saying NO, since I really love real human beings.

8. I feel you shouldn’t work at all, I’m sure you don’t make much money to pay your bills and you end up stressing yourself.

Another bubble burst time: I know my work schedule is not traditional and my bedroom is my office, this makes an easy assumption that I don’t make enough money or I don’t enjoy my work. I don’t feel the need to wear a business suit and with in an office to make big money. My fellow work at home moms, this question certainly doesn’t require an answer. That smile on your face and the bucks in your wallet is the best reply.??

9. Oh my god! Do you really work so late?

Yes I work exactly as per the schedule I told you. I write articles while breastfeeding. I plead my husband to take care of the girls, so I could manage to meet a deadline. I reach an hour early at my girls school, and take my tablet too, and write while I’m waiting for the school to get over. And then at night while everyone sleeps at home, I work under my bedside lamp while I sip on a black coffee.

10. Do you miss having a career like how you had before?

Well!! Don’t you see the word ‘work’ in ‘work at home’ term. Most mom’s choose to work from home. A few do it for their convenience, to save some bucks, for necessity, to be closer to their little muffins or may be just because it’s the only place that keeps them sane after becoming a mother. All these mom’s actively take charge of their work lives. Isn’t that exactly how work is defined.

So all you work at home moms, I have to give you a salute. A salute for keeping your sanity while facing all these questions.
And much love and strength to keep you going strong.
Keep doing what you love mommas.Break the stereotypes.

Let me show you an interesting way you can send fruits to your child’s school for/her birthday.

My girl’s school has some strict guidelines for birthday celebrations. There are no chocolates or other goodies allowed. They only allow books and fruits which your child can distribute on her birthday.
I couldn’t find some good books for her birthday this year, so thought of going ahead with sending fruits.
Well!! But I didn’t want to go the boring way.
Thought of doing something crazy with the little apples for my little muffin.The boring apple were going to be crazy talking apples.

Items required to make the crazy talking apples :

‌‌Apples

Kite paper or any thin paper (different colours)

Narrow ribbon

Some coloured sketch pens

A pair of scissors

Cellotape

Lots of patience, because you might have to handle your little ones excitement to help you while you try to make some cute crazy talking apples ready for her school ( But trust me it can be real fun to let your child help you in this task).

Here is the procedure :

1. Get all the required items ready .

2. Place the fruits on the coloured sheet to analyse the size of the paper required to make the crazy talking apples .

3. Cut all the coloured sheets in equal sizes. Make sure the paper is big enough to cover the entire fruit .

4. Place the apple on the paper , like shown in the picture below .

5. Roll the apple in the paper , like shown in the pic below , and secure it with a tape .

6. Take the loose ends towards the bottom of the apple and secure it with a tape as shown in the pic below.

7. Collect the paper on the other end and carefully twist it and secure with a tape.

8. Cut equal sizes of a ribbon and tie it around the twisted end. You can make a cute bow with it (I couldn’t do it since I had cut the ribbons too short for it . My bad ?) .

9. Take the sketch pens and get ready to make some cool , crazy faces .Let your child use his /her imagination and help you make faces on the apples.

Voila! !

Here is your cute brigade of healthy crazy talking apples .

Hope your child likes this new idea and you enjoy doing this together .

Here’s a crazy letter to Santa from a crazy mother | a letter that all mothers wish they could write

Hi Santa,

I write this letter to you hiding in my secret hideout place (my awesome W.C. in the washroom), the lights are shut (so my girls wouldn’t know I’m in her), and my phone’s torch is being used along with my daughter’s crayon that I just smuggled out of her precious crayon box.

My heartbeat is high as I really want to finish this letter before #mylittlemuffins find me hiding in here.

I have tried to be a sane mother during this past year. It’s been a crazy year for me, handing two kids.

But I nearly managed to keep my girls happy and be a good mommy to them.

I have fed them well, kept them clean and taken them for fun drives, crazy Park rides and tons of other children’s events.

I haven’t seen my doctor even once, even when I was just not able to get up from my bed. However when my daughters fell sick I ran to the doctor like a headless chicken.

I am not usually the kind, who would request for something. I don’t really believe in materialistic pleasure.

My daughter’s letter to Santa inspired be to make an exception this year.

OK! So my list is kind of long… So please hold yourself and grab a seat Dear Santa.

Kindly find below the list of my requests:

1. A new brain: Yes! You heard it right, I badly need a new brain. I’m totally done with being a forgetful woman. I do manage to multitask, but I feel this is draining me out.

I open the refrigerator and forget why I opened it.

I enter a room and forget why I did so.

I go to the kitchen and forget why I did so.

I pick up my phone and forget why I did so.

Trust me Santa, my list of forgetful moments is long enough to fill each and every page of an encyclopaedia.

I would be grateful if you could grant this wish.

2. A new pair of strong legs: I wouldn’t mind any colour, but would be happy if I could get a pink one, knowing my daughter’s obsession with pink. Maybe then she would stop pulling my leg, which she does all the time.

3. An extra pair of stronger arms: My arms have lost its strength, exactly why babywearing comes to my rescue. I can’t hold my baby more than a minute, if incase I forget to step out of my house without it.

I’m not sure if my addiction to babywearing is the reason for this or incidences like these are: when I step out of the car after returning from a party, I wear my little one in the carrier, pick up my huge travelers bag kind of mommy bag on my shoulder. Pick up the back gifts with the other hand, and manage to pick a few balloons that my girl gets from almost all the parties. And then my elder one makes a puppy face and tells me how tired she is, and asks me to pick her up too. Dear Santa, I still manage to pick All of them together, but by the time I reach my house on the first floor, I fall on my bed like a dead log.

A new extra pair of hands which could act as an extention to my body, would work wonders for me.

4. An extra pair of ears: It’s been long since I have heard my favourite music. I loved listening to music with my headphones, with the volume super high. Now I can’t even think of doing it, because if I do it I would miss my elder daughters infinite number of questions or miss my little ones crying.

If you grant my request for an extra pair of ears, I could manage to listen to my girls and my favourite music, all at the same time.

I know I’m a bit late to request for so many things from my wishlist, and you might be busy with similar requests from many moms around. If you wouldn’t be able to grant all, I would quite well understand.

I got late because I couldn’t find lone time to write to you.

Incase you can’t fulfill my wishlist, please please consider giving me just one thing: and that is Time.

Time to be able to poop without the fear of the door breaking down due to the banging…

Time to have a shower without the need to rush out, because of the girls want to use the washroom at the same time…

Time to watch my favourite shows on the television without the girls wanting to poop, pee or feeling hungry at the same time…

Time to go on a date with my husband without the fear of the glass being broken, or cutlery poking someone’s eye…

So, you take a call dear Santa.

I give you two options, either the entire wishlist or just the TIME..

I would be glad if you could get back to me at the earliest, so I could work on my next year’s wishlist for you.

Love

Mom of two crazy girls

P. S. Incase you can’t give me anything from the above you may choose to pay for the cruise trip I was planning to go for with my husband and kids.

My daughter’s first letter to Santa disclosed something really sweet about her

She was all excited to write to Santa for the first time. She came up to me and said “mumma I want to write a letter to Santa, will you help me“.

I wasn’t sure how this would happen as my girl had just learnt alphabets and didn’t know how to frame words.

I told her ” baby I think mumma would only write, you tell me what you want”.

Mylittlemuffin : ” Mumma I told u #I want to write please, you tell me the alphabets and I will write”.

Her wishlist was long, so I had no idea if she would stop writing midway.
And then we grabbed a pencil and paper and she kept telling me what she wanted to write and I just told her the spellings.
I was surprised at her confidence. Not even once did she stop and looked confused. She knew what she wanted right inside that tiny little head. Totally headstrong to finish her first letter.
Once her letter was done with, she insisted that I write a letter to Santa from her little sister.
When I asked her, “I don’t really know what she wants, she is just one, and how would I write for her?”.

Mylittlemuffin said: ” Mumma I know her more than you, she gets excited looking at the bubbles and also everytime I colour, she grabs my crayons and starts scribbling on my colouring book. I know she badly wants a bubble maker and a colouring book.”

This made me feel so amazed that this caring and observant little – BIG SISTER.

So now, mission number 2 began!!

I wrote a letter to Santa from her little sister too.. She dictated this time and I wrote for her…

The letters looked beautiful… Pure and true… And with so much love…
The second one was even more special that showed the love that mybigmuffin has for her little sister.

We quickly put these in a sock hanging on our Christmas tree…
I love it, how inspite of the fact that she had never written words, she was ready to take the risk…

What I learnt from my 4 year old, was- that no matter what you SHOULD not stop doing what your heart wants you to do… Even if U haven’t ever done that before… Go for it and just do it…
The fact that she remembered to get a letter written for her sister too, was so cool.
She knew what her little sister needed.

I wish each year we follow this magical ritual of writing to our dearest Santa.

So now that inspires me to write a letter to santa… Have been a long time since I have done this???????

Dear my2muffins,
I could feel magic the moment I saw you both first.
I felt I was wearing a cape the moment I held you, to sweep you away from any tough situation, to wrap you up in my arms and keep you safe.
I was so taken by your beautiful face, I could hardly bare to look away.
For me and your dad you both have been our angels.Two angels born on the same date 16th December, who chose different years to come into our life.This sounds freaky to many, but that has been our blessed destiny.
I managed to give birth to the both of you on the same day, 3 years apart. I wasn’t prepared for this, nor was your dad. As per the doctor, this wasn’t expected to happen either. I was tired second time around girls. I felt my body was giving up on the strength . I visited my doctor, and cried. Cried because I felt exhausted, I wasn’t sure if I could wait any longer. The doctor told me THE DATE: The date that she would help me bring #mylittlemuffin into our life.I can’t explain in words how I felt next, when the doctor told me the date it would happen.She declared 16th Dec.
Woahhh! The tired me suddenly got excited at the news.
This was the date that has been the best date ever for me and your dad. It wasn’t just your birthday #mybigmuffin , but the date that has been nothing less than a celebration for us. A celebration of happiness, fun, magic and togetherness.
I couldn’t control my tears at how blessed we could be. Bringing our two beautiful angels into the world on the same date. It was destined to be this way.
Your dad and I were about to gift you my girl #mybigmuffin , a best friend for life on your 3rd birthday. We were on cloud nine. Excited! Yet weren’t sure if this was right for the both of you.
We thought over this for days, thought if it would be fair to go ahead and let you both share the same birthday.
We were worried if when you girls grow up how would you react. Would you feel that you girls should have had different birthdates?
But then we got the answer!!We got the answer the day you were born #mylittlemuffin .The day #mybigmuffin , you held your little sister in your arms and kissed her and rejoiced the new gift of God for you, on your special day.The magic you both had in your eyes when you both looked at each other that day, mesmerised everyone on the room.
The way #mybigmuffin , you spoke to everyone on the phone and explained how excited you were to have a little sister who has the same birthday as yours, got everyone around excited too .

What we saw, made us believe that this was destined, and were sure this was happening since that’s what was best for us.

For us, both you lovelies are equally precious. You both are really special.
We as parents have always believed that we would do our best to love you girls equally. We as a family believed that for us there could be nothing better than what was going to happen.
Instead of freaking out on finding a way to make you both girls feel special on the same day, we chose to embrace it.
We knew that you girls were born on the same day because you were meant to spend the rest of your life, celebrating your birthday’s together.
How amazing it would be to share your birthday with someone who has known you their entire life.

There would be a time definitely, when your hormones would start to kick into an overdrive and you wouldn’t find it cool too share a ‘Frozen’ or ‘Minion’ theme party.
There would probably be a few years you would choose to celebrate with your friend separately.
But I’m too sure that when you would be in your 20’s, you would have gala time, enjoying may be a glass of champagne somewhere in the world together, because you wouldn’t be able to imagine being anywhere else but with each other.
You know what’s so amazing about the both of you?
My birth twin girls look remarkably like each other.

When today, your dad and I look at you both, it is with great marvel.
We wonder how did we become parents to these beautiful little princesses.
You both fill our heart with so much love.

So here we raise a toast to double the celebration! Double the fun! Double the cheer! Double the craziness! On the most special day of your dad’s and my life.

On this first birthday that you share together, and every 16th December, I would want you to know that I’m filled with joy and gratitude of watching you both grow together.
Love
Mom and dad