When it comes to "Twilight"-related urban legends and lore, none is more infamous than the mysterious Case of the Unseen Audition Tapes—a.k.a. the unreleased reels of footage that show Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart testing out their, uh, on-screen chemistry. But if you were hoping to one day feast your eyes on that behind-the-scenes first look at Edward and Bella in flagrante, we've got bad news: Director Catherine Hardwicke chatted with MTV News' Josh Horowitz, and she informed him that those videos will never, ever see the light of day...because releasing them would bring on nothing less than a full-on apocalypse.

"It's much too dangerous!" Catherine said. "It would start riots, honestly, if we let it out there."

But... but... NOOOOOOO! Can't we just see a teensy little clip? Just five seconds? Three seconds?! How about just one, glorious, mind-erasing frame in which Robert Pattinson may or may not be partially nude???!

Nope, said Catherine, "I could not let anyone see it. It's pretty steamy!"

Of course, Josh made one more push on behalf of the fans, lobbing back, "I think the fans can handle it!"

Alas, the ice-cold Gatekeeper of All Things Naked "Twilight" would not relent.

"I don't think so," she laughed.

Could you watch those steamy audition tapes without going full-blown berserk? (Yeah, neither could we.) Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!< ?em>