Wish I could turn on my lightAnd read my Village VoiceBut layin’ next to this beached whaleI haven’t got the choiceHe looked good at the timeI must have been out of my mindNow I can’t sleepI can’t sleep!

Hoping for a wild nightOf sexual gymnasticsBut he thought he was god’s giftSelfish and sarcasticI wanted to take him homeAnd I got him so I shouldn’t groanBut I can’t sleepI can’t sleep!

Minutes pass like hoursMy eyes wide openStaring up at the ceilingEvery paint crack memorizedThink I’ll reset my alarmTo go off extra earlyWake him up and get him outTry to sleep until 8:30Being up all night’s alrightIf it’s filled with erotic delightBut I can’t sleepI can’t sleep!

RING OF JOY (Ginoli)

With a mirror in your handLay down on your bedThrow your legs in the airAnd see what’s around the bend

Take a good long lookAt a buried treasureThere between your cheeksA hidden source of pleasure

It’s an orifice for eliminationIt’s an orifice for exploration

Ring of joy, ring of joyA new discovery to enjoyAnd girl or any boyCan exercise their ring of joy

“Ooh, but it’s so dirty!”Well, not if you keep it cleanDicks have a good reputationEven though they’re used to pee

Learn to relax those musclesWith practice they’ll open wideHit your pleasure centerFrom the other side

It’s an orifice for eliminationIt’s an orifice for stimulation

Ring of joy, ring of joyA tight muscle to employAny girl or any boyCan break on through that ring of joy

Did I mention latex?‘Cause you know it´s a mustGotta protect yourselfEven with somebody you trustIt’s a natural feelingDon’t let anyone tell you it’s notYou don’t have to be queerBut it helps a lot

It’s an orifice for liberationIt’s an orifice for celebration

Ring of joy, ring of joyErotic thrill, sexual toyA boy inside another boyGo all the way with your ring of joy

FUCK BUDDY (Ginoli)

He’s not a loverHe’s not a one night standHe’s someone in betweenTo lend the occasional handNot much in commonBut a physical attrectionWe only rendevousWhen we need some erotic action

Fuck buddy, fuck buddyThere’s a right time And a right place for a Fuck buddy

Emotional tanglesNo problem hereA temporary arrangementThe situation’s clearBut there’s still affectionIt’s not totally hit and runWe just limit our feelingsTo what we doWhen the pants are down

Fuck buddy, fuck buddyThere’s a right time And a right place for a Fuck buddy

Someday I’ll find a guyWho means something moreBut that’s not what This kind of relationship is forDown and dirtyHot and squirtyIt’s almost poetry The way his hair hangs downWhen he’s on top of me

Fuck buddy, fuck buddyThere’s a right time And a right place for a Fuck buddy

COWBOYS ARE FREQUENTLY SECRETLY FOND OF EACH OTHER (Ned Sublette)

There’s many a strange impulse out on the plains of West Texas;There’s many a young boy who feels things he don’t comprehend.Well small town don’t like it when somebody falls between sexes,No, a small town don’t like it when a cowboy has feelings for men.

Well I believe in my soul that inside every man there’s a feminine,And inside every lady there’s a deep manly voice loud and clear.Well, a cowboy may brag about things that he does with his women,But the ones who brag loudest are the ones that are most likely queer.

Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other —What did you think all those saddles and boots was about?There’s many a cowboy who don’t understand the way that he feels towards his brother,Inside every cowboy there’s a lady who’d love to slip out.

Ten men for each woman was the rule way back when on the prairie,And somehow those cowboys must have kept themselves warm late at night.Cowboys are famous for getting riled up about fairies,But I’ll tell you the reason a big strong man gets so uptight

Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other That’s why they wear leather, and Levi’s and belts buckled tight.There’s many a cowboy who don’t understand the way that he feels towards his brother;There’s many a cowboy who’s more like a lady at night.

Well there’s always somebody who says what the others just whisper,And mostly that someone’s the first one to get shot down dead:When you talk to a cowboy don’t treat him like he was a sisterDon’t mess with the lady that’s sleepin’ in each cowboy’s head.

Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other —Even though they take speed and drive pickups and shoot their big guns;There’s many a cowboy who don’t understand the way that he feels towards his brother;There’s many a cowboy who keeps quiet about things he’s done.

FLOWER (Liz Phair)

(we got some of the lyrics wrong, but this is what we sang)

Everytime I see your faceI get all wet between my legsEverytime you pass me byI heave a sigh of pain

Everytime I see your faceI think of things unpure, unchasteI wanna fuck you like a dogTake you home and make you like itEverything you ever wantedEverything you ever thought ofEverything I’ll do to youI’ll fuck you in your union suit *

Your face reminds me of a flowerKind of like you’re underwaterHair’s too long and in your eyesYour lips are perfect suck-me sizeYou act like you’re 14 years oldEverything you say is soObnoxious, funny, true, and meI wanna be your blow-job queenYou’re probably shy and introspectiveThat’s not part of my objectiveI just want your fresh young JimmySliding, slamming, ramming in me

Everytime I see your faceI think of things unpure, unchasteI wanna fuck you like a dogTake you home and make you like itEverything you ever wantedEverything you ever thought ofEverything I’ll do to youI’ll fuck you till your dick is blue

(* the correct line is “I’ll fuck you and your minions too”)

CRY FOR A SHADOW (Beat Happening)

I see the tears see the pattern it comes and goesand leaves you shatteredyou shed for so many untruecan you cry for a shadow?can you cry for a heart crying out for you?can you cry for a shadow?no one asked you to…

They don’t deserve your precious tearshear a whisper to fill your earsthe reflection of a love long duecan you cry for a heart crying out for you?can you cry for a shadow?I’ve cried for a few.

Can you cry?dry your tears and try

So stop crying it doesn’t matter,just come closer so I can gather,every drop of your precious tears

When you’re crying for a shadowWhen you’re crying for a heart crying out for youWhen you’re crying for a shadowLike I cried for you

REAL MEN (Joe Jackson)

What’s a man now?What’s a man mean?Is he rough or is he rugged?Is he cultural and clean?Now it’s all changedIt’s gotta change moreWe think it’s gettin’ betterBut nobody’s really sure

Take your mind backI don’t know whenBack when it always seemed to be just us and themGirls who wore pinkBoys that wore blueBoys that always grew up better men than me and you

And so it goesGo ’round againBut now and then we wonder who the real men are

See the nice boys, dancing in pairsGolden earring, golden tan, blow wave in their hairSure they’re all straightStraight as a lineAll the gays are macho, Can’t you see the leather shineYou don’t wanna act dumb,Don’t wanna offendSo don’t call me a faggot now unless you are a friendThen if you’re tallAnd handsome and strongYou can wear the uniform and I can play along

And so it goesGo ’round againBut now and then we wonder who the real men are

BILL & TED’S HOMOSEXUAL ADVENTURE (Ginoli)

Two California valley boysThe very best of friendsThey used to go on dates with girlsBut now they don’t pretendAfter trying to deny itThey went ahead and tried itCouldn’t believe how excellent it felt

In the garageThey’re practicing their guitar solosBut in the bedroomThey’re practicing on one anotherSchool was such a painWhat a way to waste your brain‘Cause you know what’s on their mindsHey dude, 69!

They might seem kind of dumbBut they’re not rubesThey got each other by the pubesSqueezing on one another’s tubesOne’s dark, one is blondDay an night they get it onThey got condoms in their pocketsPlug into each other’s sockets

They learned from SocratesAnd other ancient GreeksThe art of homo loveAnd sexual techniquesThey may not be too brightBut they know what they likeA love affair most triumphant

It’s no bogus journeyIt’s a boner journeyIt’s time for Bill & Ted’s Homosexual adventure to begin

JACK U OFF (Prince)

If you’re looking for somewhere to goCan I take you to a movie showWe can sit way in the backAnd I’ll Jack U Off

Can’t give you everything you wantBut I can take you to a restaurantAnd if you’re not hungryI’ll Jack U Off

If you’re tired of masturbatingCome on boy we can go on a date andIf you like I’ll Jack U Off

Your man ain’t no goodCome on over to my neighborhoodWe can jump on in the sackAnd I’ll Jack U Off

I’ll Jack U Off, Jack U OffI’ll Jack U Off, Jack U OffI’ll Jack U Off

I only do it for a worthy causeYou’re gonna wanna give me applauseYou’ll have an instant heart attackIf I Jack U Off

If you really want to be a starWe gotta do it in your Mama’s carMake it in a CadillacI’ll Jack U Off

I know where we can goDo a little fellatioOr if that’s too muchI’ll Jack U Off

I’ll Jack U Off, Jack U OffI’ll Jack U Off, Jack U OffI’ll Jack U Off

Even if you’re chicken baby, come hereIf you’re good I’ll even let you steerAs a matter of factYou can Jack Me Off

I’ll Jack U Off….

STRIP U DOWN (Ginoli)

We’ve made it into the doorwayWe’ve made it up the stairsWe’ve made it into the bedroomWhere I’ll take you by your short curly hairsYou start to take your clothes offBut I stop you before a thing hits the floor‘Cause it can be hot to do it slowlyAnd there’s so much I want to explore

I want to strip you downSlowly strip you downTotally strip you down

I’d like to take some timeTo let the mystery unfoldSometimes what’s hiddenIs sexier than what is shown

It’s nice to find a hard-onBut sooner than I’d plannedI’d rather start with a softyAnd feel you hardening in my hand

I want to strip you downSlowly strip you downTotally strip you down

For some guys sex is a formulaIt seems so calculatedI would have had a lot more fun sometimesIf I’d stayed home and masturbated

A good lover discoversThat patience gets rewardedIn the rush to uncoverSo much goes unrecordedSo don’t undress just yetThis ain’t no race or contestI want to know every inchBefore we finally get down to the bottom

I want to strip you downSlowly strip you downTotally strip you down

JACKSON (Rodgers/Wheeler)

We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout,We’ve been talkin’ ’bout Jackson, ever since the fire went outI’m goin’ to Jackson, I’m gonna mess around,Yeah, I’m goin’ to Jackson, Look out Jackson town

Well, go on down to Jackson; go ahead and wreck your healthGo play your hand you big-talkin’ man, make a big fool of yourself,Yeah, go to Jackson, but go comb that hairHoney, I’m gonna snowball JacksonGo ahead and see if I care

When I breeze into that city, people gonna stoop and bow (Ha!)All them young men gonna make me, teach ’em what they don’t know how,I’m goin’ to Jackson, you turn-a loose-a my coatI’m goin’ to Jackson, goodbye, that’s all she wrote

They’ll laugh at you in Jackson (I doubt it!), and I’ll be dancin’ on a pony kegThey’ll lead you ’round town like a scolded hound,With your tail tucked between your legs,Yeah, go to Jackson, you big talkin’ manAnd I’ll be waitin’ there in Jackson, behind my gay band plan

Well now, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout,We’ve been talkin’ ’bout Jackson, ever since the fire went outI’m goin’ to Jackson, and that’s a natural factYeah, I’m goin’ to Jackson, ain’t never comin’ back…

BIG BOTTOM (Guest/McKean/Shearer/Reiner)

The bigger the cushionThe sweeter the pushin’The looser the waist bandThe deeper the quicksandMy baby fits me like a flesh tuxedoI’d love to sink him with my pink torpedo

I met him on MondayTwas my lucky bun dayI love him each weekdayEach velvety cheek dayMy love gun’s loaded as I dock at his portTake aim at what’s inside his jockey shorts

Big Bottom Big BottomTalk about mud flaps my guy’s got ’emBig Bottom drive me out of my mindHow can I leave this behindHow can I leave this behind

TOUCH MY JOE CAMEL (Ginoli/Freeman)

I saw the billboard and thought of youLow hanging balls, round and smoothI don’t smoke, ain’t gonna startJust ’cause they made public a private partThey give pleasure, let there be no doubtI like having one in my mouth

I want to touch your Joe CamelAnd while we’re at it, reach out and grab itTouch my Joe Camel

Take those shades off your headLet’s see ’em perched between your legsThose frames you wear, hard and metallicLook good on top of something phallicSneak up on you from the backReach round front, feel your hardpack

I want to touch your Joe CamelAnd while we’re at it, reach out and grab itTouch my Joe Camel

The company denies it allThey say it’s not a cock and ballsLittle kids, even they understandIt’s not a camel’s face, but a sexual glandThey don’t know what it’s doing to usI get turned on just by seeing a bus

I want to touch your Joe CamelAnd while we’re at it, reach out and grab itTouch my Joe Camel

THE BIGGEST LIE (Bob Mould)

You think you made it to the topBecause people know your nameIt’s still the sameYour daydreams aren’t foreverBetter get your shit together For a new game

Back to your hometownBack to your day jobBack to your girlfriendThe biggest lie

Passing harsher judgementBut you brought it on yourselfBy being youYou trade your self respectFor no success,But you end up nothing

Back to your hometownBack to your day jobBack to your girlfriendBack to your girlfriendBack to your girlfriendThe biggest lieThe biggest lieThe biggest lie

DENNY (NAKED) (Ginoli/Healey)

Denny picked me up, Denny did meHe’s got a tattoo of his dick on his bellyIt was double vision disorientingDenny’s kind of a dorky fellaDenny’s dramatic, Denny’s dark, He ain’t nothing like the restaurantHe’s got HIV+ tattooed in blackIn 6-inch letters on his backHe said “I want them to see What they’ve done to me”Denny

Denny’s reading The Decameron About a plague that came before‘Cause Denny’s dying and Denny don’t like itAnd Denny don’t dance no more

He’s kinda New Age, but Denny’s not too smartTrying to love himselfBut doesn’t really know howHe’s got a heart tattoo with his own name in itTrouble is, Denny doesn’t really get itSelf-esteem is just a dream for Denny

Denny can be very funnySays he wanted my asshole tattooed on his chinBut Denny’s very demandingCause Denny ain’t got long to live

Denny did porno photos and filmsUntil his tattoos ruined his careerHe stares at the video feeling dejectedHelplessly watching himself get infectedDenny’s got pneumocystisAnd a new tattoo as wellDenny got a skull and crossbonesSmack in the middle of his foreheadSays “I want them to see What they’ve done to me”Denny

FEMME FATALE (Lou Reed)

Here he comesYou better watch your stepHe’s gonna break your heart in twoYes it’s trueIt’s not hard to realizeJust look into his false colored eyesHe’ll build you up to just put you downWhat a clown

Cause everybody knows he’s a femme fataleThe things he does to pleaseHe’s just a little teaseSee the way he walksHear the way he talks

You’re written in his bookYou’re number thirty-seven have a lookHe’s gonna smile to make you frownWhat a clownLittle boy he’s from the streetBefore you start you’re already beatHe’s gonna play you for a foolYes it’s true

Cause everybody knows he’s a femme fataleThe things he does to pleaseHe’s just a little teaseSee the way he walksHear the way he talksCause everybody knows he’s a femme fataleCause everybody knows he’s a femme fatale

TRASH (Ferry/Manzanera)

Are you customized or ready-made?Heavy metal, trick or treat, uh-huhHe’s only seventeenOn the level, trash is neat

Teenage fever, oh you got it badCaught the flavor, want it all, uh-huhHe’s only seventeenBet you love the trash I meet

Oh yeah, oh yeahOh yeah, oh yeah

His tangled hair trails halfway down his backOn his head, a backwards baseball capHe’s only seventeenI’ll pick up the trash I see

HOMO CHRISTMAS (Ginoli)

You’ll probably get sweatersUnderwear and socksBut what you’d really like for ChristmasIs a nice hard cockYou deserve a cute boyWho’s horny and queerTo make the mostOut of Christmas cheer

I want to be your Christmas present,I want to be your Christmas queerI want to be your Christmas present,Have a homo Christmas this year

Don’t be miserable, like MorrisseyLet me do you underneath the Christmas treeWe’ll push the packages out of the wayAnd after you’ve unwrapped me,Naked on the floor we’ll play

I want to be your Christmas present,I want to be your Christmas queerI want to be your Christmas present,Have a homo Christmas this year

I want to be your Christmas present,I want to be your Christmas queerI want to be your Christmas present,Have a homo Christmas this year

C.S.F. (Rado/Ragni/McDermott, new lyrics by Jon Ginoli/Doug Mobley)

I’m a cocksucking faggot, a flaming faggotA fuck bunny, fruitcake, cum superdelic homoUncle Walt, Auntie Mame, little sissy pansyFudge-packing butt pirate, drag queen, hairdresserInterior decorator, pervert, pornographerSodomite, sex fiend, mincing, limpy-wristScat-nosed poof prince, a resident of CastroAnd president of the united states of loveSaid president of the united states of loveIf you ask me to dinner you’d better feed meHoneydew, penne pasta, goat cheese, herbal teaSome Perrier (so you say), some quiche lorraine (so you say)Focaccia (so you say), radicchio (so you say)If you don’t watch out this boogeyman will get youOoooooooh, yeahOoooooooh, yeahSo you say!

SMELLS LIKE QUEER SPIRIT Cobain/Novoselic/Grohl, new lyrics by Ginoli)

Against all odds, we appearGrew up brainwashed,But turned out queerBunsplitters, regmunchers tooWe screw just how we want to screwHello, hello, hello, homo…

With the lights out, it’s advantageousHere we are now, so fellate usRoll it on now, lubricate usGet us off now, ejaculate usPlay Fugazi, play RepeaterRiver Phoenix wearing speedosYeah, Queer!

Irreverent and in your faceAttacking preachers spewing hateI’d love to puncture their balloonsSpray silly string around their roomsThe world’s a mess, but for awhileWe lick and suck and feel fineI find it hard, that’s nice to findForget the closet, never mindHello, hello, hello, homo…