Vanessa Heberthttps://vanessahebert.com
Licensed Clinical Social Worker AtlantaTue, 17 Dec 2019 06:00:19 +0000en-US
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1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.4.1621707324 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationshiphttps://vanessahebert.com/4-ways-to-improve-communication-in-your-relationship/
Tue, 17 Dec 2019 06:00:19 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/4-ways-to-improve-communication-in-your-relationship/If you’re reading this blog post, chances are you and your significant other have hit a snag in the relationship. Maybe you’re spending less time with each other and you’ve grown apart. Or maybe you do little else than argue these days.

All relationships go through their ups and downs. No matter the good intentions of the individuals or how in love you were when the relationship began, it is completely natural for a relationship to take a hit every now and then.

In some ways, these trials can be a good thing. Much like you need to break down muscle to build it up stronger than it was before, many relationships can be strengthened by challenges, provided your communication is healthy.

Here are some ways to improve communication in your relationship:

1. Recognize the Change

It’s important to be open and honest with yourself and each other. Don’t deny that something has changed in your relationship, admit it openly. You may also need to recognize that each of you has changed over the years. None of us stays the same. Our wants, needs, passions, annoyances, etc. change as we mature and grow as people. People can usually accommodate this change as long as they admit it has happened.

2. Validate Each Other’s Feelings

There are two words that are very powerful in communication, “Yes, and…” Effective communication is not about one person being right and the other wrong. Often, both people are right and allowed to feel their feelings. Try not to attack the other person or get them to compromise on issues. Instead, focus on simply being heard and hearing the other person.

3. Be Ready to Change

If you want to improve your communication as a means to get the other person to change their ways, you are really thinking about this communication thing all wrong! Good communication is not about winning an argument. This is not a debate class. Your goal is to better share your thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes and struggles with each other. Don’t be so focused on getting the other person to change and focus more on how your own behavior could change.

4. Breathe

Managing your emotions is one of the most important skills when it comes to interpersonal interaction. How often are you ready to blow when you and your spouse or partner are speaking to each other? How does the communication breakdown once you or your partner have become emotional?

When communicating with your partner, or anyone, should you feel your emotions rise, stop, take a slow, deep breath, and let it out. Taking this moment is important and will help you not to say something you’ll regret or that will escalate the situation.

None of us are perfect. All we can do is try to be the best versions of ourselves we can be for ourselves and our loved ones. By following these communication tips you will be able to strengthen your relationships.

]]>1007Five Polite Ways for Introverts to Leave a Party Earlyhttps://vanessahebert.com/five-polite-ways-for-introverts-to-leave-a-party-early/
Sun, 15 Dec 2019 21:00:14 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/five-polite-ways-for-introverts-to-leave-a-party-early/Most people who are introverted have no desire to attend a party. For introverts, parties are torturous social affairs, putting you far out of your comfort zone and forcing you to interact with strangers. Unfortunately for the introvert, there are moments in life when you absolutely must attend a party. If for you, the best thing about a party is leaving it, here are five ways to make a quick exit.

1. Tell The Host in Advance

One polite way to leave a party early is to make your excuse ahead of time. When you reply to accept the invitation, let the host know that you have to leave early because of another commitment. If it’s a less formal affair, you can let the host know when you arrive that you have to leave early. That way when it’s time to go, they won’t be surprised.

2. Take a Bathroom Break

Using a bathroom break as a method of escape is most handy for sit-down or small parties. Excuse yourself to use the bathroom; when you come out of the bathroom, grab your coat and/or purse and make your way to the host, thanking them for a lovely time.

3. The Early Morning

The tried and true “early morning” is the perfect excuse to leave a party. “I’m sorry I have to go, I have an early morning tomorrow.” Everyone understands having to hit the hay a bit earlier because of an early morning commitment.

4. Sudden Sickness

Alcohol at the party is a convenient scapegoat for your early departure. Let the host know you drank too much, or that the alcohol didn’t hit you well, so you have to head home.

5. Blame the Sitter

Letting your hosts know you have to get home to relieve your baby or pet sitter is a no-fail way to leave a party early.

Whatever method of escape you choose, when it’s time to duck out, make sure you take the time to find your host and thank them for inviting you. Be sure to let them know they were a great host by complimenting the food or saying how much fun you had, so they don’t interpret your exit as their party being a dud.

If you’re an introvert and are looking for support and guidance in overcoming shyness or handling social situations, a mental health professional can help. Call my office today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

]]>10055 Subtle Exercises to Calm Anxiety in Publichttps://vanessahebert.com/5-subtle-exercises-to-calm-anxiety-in-public/
Sun, 15 Dec 2019 06:00:10 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/5-subtle-exercises-to-calm-anxiety-in-public/According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million adults over the age of 18 suffer from an anxiety disorder. If you are one of them, you know how difficult your life can feel most days.

When anxiety strikes, the world around us can become a sort of funhouse, only not that much fun. It’s important to be able to self-soothe in these instances. But how can you calm an anxiety attack subtly when you’re out in public?

Breath Work

As soon as you feel the anxiety coming on, focus intently on your breathing and nothing else. Begin to take slow… deep breaths. Inhale for a slow count of three… hold for a count of three… and exhale for a count of three. Slow deep breaths send a signal to our body that we are not under attack and everything is okay.

Talk to Yourself

In your mind, remind yourself that you are having an experience but that you are NOT that experience. While you feel that something is wrong, remind yourself that you are actually safe and all is well.

Visualize

Think of something that calms you. This may be your childhood bedroom or your grandparent’s home. It could be your favorite beach or your own bathtub. Simply put yourself IN that space. Use your full imagination to feel yourself there and allow the calm to settle over you.

Carry Lavender Oil

Keep a small vile of lavender oil in your purse or pocket and inhale its scent. You can even rub some between your finger and then rub on your temples to calm down.

Practice Listening Meditation

If you’ve never tried listening meditation, I highly recommend it for everyone. But it can be especially beneficial when you are feeling anxious, and here’s why. Listening requires you to stop thinking. Try it now. Stop reading and instead listen to all of the ambient sounds there in the room with you, outside the door and window.

What do you hear?

Let your sense of hearing grow and grow, picking up more subtle sounds. The buzz of the lights overhead… the noise of the ice maker… a bee at the window… your dog’s collar down the hall…

It’s actually a very fun exercise to do. And in order to REALLY GIVE SOUND YOUR FULL ATTENTION, you can’t think while listening. It’s a bit like trying to juggle while standing on your hands, it simply cannot be done.

Much of our anxiety comes from our anxious thoughts. It’s our reptilian brain trying to keep us alive by alerting us to all of the dangers around us. But when we meditate, this mind chatter goes away.

When an anxiety attack comes on, life can feel unbearable. The next time this happens to you in public, try one or more of these techniques.

And if you’d like to speak with someone about your anxiety, please get in touch. I’d be happy to explore treatment options.

]]>1003The Amazing Benefits of Meditationhttps://vanessahebert.com/the-amazing-benefits-of-meditation/
Fri, 13 Dec 2019 20:00:14 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/the-amazing-benefits-of-meditation/There are plenty of things that occur in our daily lives that cause us stress: commuter traffic, hassles at work, and tension in our personal relationships to name just a few. If we don’t find healthy ways to deal with this stress, it can fester, eventually causing anxiety, depression, and even health issues such as hypertension and heart disease.

One of the best ways to beat stress is through mindfulness meditation. This practice helps train you to keep your attention “in the now.” By training your mind to stay in the present moment, you stop it from ruminating on all of the things that bring you stress. While it can be challenging in the beginning, many practitioners of meditation receive amazing benefits:

A Better Night’s Sleep

If you’re someone who suffers from a lack of sleep, you know how it can affect your mood and ability to focus clearly. Research has found that in adults diagnosed with sleep disturbances, meditation improves the quality of sleep obtained each night.

Lowers Stress Levels

Studies have also found that mindfulness meditation can reduce the cortisol levels produced in the body. Cortisol is a stress hormone. When levels of cortisol remain high, it can negatively impact your health.

Decreases Loneliness in Older Adults

Many older adults experience loneliness and isolation due to the loss of their spouse combined with an inability to lead an independent social life. One study found that an 8-week mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) program decreased loneliness and related pro-inflammatory gene expression in seniors.

These are only a handful of the many benefits of practicing meditation.

Getting Started with Meditation

Starting a meditation practice does not have to feel overwhelming and it doesn’t require you to make big lifestyle changes. It simply requires you to dedicate 10-20 minutes each day in your practice.

You may want to look for group meditation classes in your local area to get a feel for how it works. There are also plenty of guided meditations online to choose from.

The biggest thing to remember is that it is called a meditation practice for a reason: you won’t get it “right” right out of the gate. And truthfully, there is no right or wrong. There is only a desire and intent to let go of the chatter in your mind and focus on the present moment. That’s it. Once you get the hang of things, you too can experience some amazing benefits.

]]>1001What Is An Extroverted-Introvert – And Are YOU One?https://vanessahebert.com/what-is-an-extroverted-introvert-and-are-you-one/
Fri, 13 Dec 2019 06:00:16 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/what-is-an-extroverted-introvert-and-are-you-one/Are you one of those people who has never quite felt like an introvert but are definitely not an extrovert? Have you read descriptions of either personality and thought, “Mmmm, close, but not quite?” If so, you might be what is called an extroverted introvert (EI).

Extroverted introverts, also called “outgoing introverts” or “social introverts” have qualities of both personalities. They are not entirely loners but don’t necessarily enjoy spending time with large groups of people.

Most people are, in fact, somewhere in the middle of the extrovert/introvert spectrum, sharing qualities of both introversion and extroversion. Let’s take a look at some of the characteristics of an extroverted introvert.

You are Sensitive to Your Surroundings

How you feel can be directly linked to your environment. What kind of music is playing, how many people are there, and the overall noise level can affect you greatly. If you’re an EI, you will either feel energized or drained depending on your surroundings.

You Have a Love/Hate Relationship with People in General

There is a part of you that truly enjoys meeting new people and hearing their personal stories. Then there is the other part of you that loathes the idea of spending every second of the day with other people. You like people, but you can only take them in small doses.

You’re Both Outgoing and Introspective

You’ve been known to hold your own in witty small talk and can make a room full of people chuckle. But when alone, you are generally thinking about the meaning of life and other huge topics. You like to have fun, but if you’re honest, you prefer to be left alone to think things through.

You take A While to Warm Up Around Others

You’re more like a cat than a dog. While you can be outgoing and find other’s company enjoyable on occasion, you’re not going to feel comfortable around strangers right off the bat. It takes you awhile to warm up to new people and situations before you are truly comfortable enough to let loose and be yourself.

No One Believes You’re an Introvert

Whenever the topic comes up and you tell your friends and relatives that you’re actually an introvert, no one believes you.

If this sounds like you, welcome to the club. Many artists, writers and other creative types often identify as extroverted introverts so you are in good company!

]]>999How to Talk to a Loved One About Getting Treatment for Their Mental Healthhttps://vanessahebert.com/how-to-talk-to-a-loved-one-about-getting-treatment-for-their-mental-health/
Thu, 08 Aug 2019 17:00:38 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/how-to-talk-to-a-loved-one-about-getting-treatment-for-their-mental-health/Just about every family has a “black sheep”; someone who’s always causing trouble, or maybe is more of a free spirit. Sometimes however, the “black sheep” of the family is someone with a serious mental health issue. If you have a loved one who you believe may need mental health treatment, there are things you can do to try and convince them to seek help.

Family and Friends are First Responders

You should see yourself as a type of “first responder” for your loved one. Teachers, employers and even medical professionals that interact with your loved one aren’t likely to do anything to intervene if it appears they need mental health treatment. As their friend or family member, you are their first line for help.

The Importance of Early Intervention

Early intervention is key to improving your loved one’s quality of life. The longer a mental illness goes untreated, the shorter the intervals between the troubling episodes and behavior that’s drawn your concern. As the intervals shorten, the relapses increase in severity; and as their mental illness becomes more severe, the more resistant it will be to treatment. Intervening as early as possible will change the course of your loved one’s life, putting them on a positive trajectory.

Talking to Your Loved One

Prepare your loved one for this conversation by letting them know that you want to have a talk. Let them know it’s because you love them, and that the topic is very important. Make sure they know it’s nothing negative or scary. Set a date and time, and choose a neutral location where they will be most comfortable.

Keep the conversation in the context of your relationship with this person. Make sure they know you’re not rejecting or judging them, but that you love them and are concerned. Don’t attempt a diagnosis, such as “I think you’re bipolar”; leave diagnoses to the professionals. Talk about your feelings and be specific when you’re describing concerning behavior. Instead of vague statements like “you need help”, or “you’re acting strange” give specific examples. “It frightened me when you were yelling the other day,” or “You missed work four times in the last two weeks.”

The Goal of the Talk

Your goal in talking to your loved one should be for them to get a one-time evaluation. Offer to make the appointment, to pay for it, and/or to drive them.

Talking to someone you love about seeking mental health treatment is difficult and awkward, but it is important. Be prepared for them to have an angry response, and if they do, maintain your composure and stick to the theme of your love and concern. It may take multiple attempts to get your loved one to seek help. Don’t be nagging or harassing, but do be persistent.

If you or a loved one are in need of mental health treatment or a comprehensive evaluation, a licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

]]>9936 Ways that Alcohol Makes Depression Worsehttps://vanessahebert.com/6-ways-that-alcohol-makes-depression-worse/
Wed, 07 Aug 2019 19:00:47 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/6-ways-that-alcohol-makes-depression-worse/A great many alcoholics are also suffering from major depression. Because alcohol can feed our brain’s serotonin receptors, it can make someone feel good for a short amount of time. But eventually the person crashes and feels even worse than they did before.

And this vicious cycle continues and is, unfortunately, very hard to break without asking for professional help.

The Chicken or the Egg Theory

Both alcoholism and depression are psychiatric illnesses that cause distress and impair a person’s ability to function. It is not surprising at all that these two diseases are linked, but which tends to come first?

Researchers have found that alcoholism doubled a person’s risk of developing depression. In fact, the analysis indicated that alcoholism was more likely to cause or worsen depression than depression was likely to cause or worsen alcohol use/misuse.

6 Ways That Alcohol Can Worsen Depression

Alcoholism can eventually lead to isolation, which exacerbates depression. Humans are social creatures and we can become very depressed when left alone for too long.

Alcoholism also leads to poor economic outcomes, as is common with the loss of a job. Chronic financial stress can cause or worsen depression symptoms.

Alcoholism can trigger health crises that can lead to or worsen depression. Fatty liver disease, heart disease and diabetes are just a few of the chronic illnesses linked with alcohol abuse.

Alcohol can cause brain or metabolic changes that can lead to depression. For instance, alcohol can mess with a person’s endocrine system and the resulting hormonal imbalance can worsen their depression symptoms.

Alcohol is a depressant. While it can make you feel “happier” initially, it eventually worsens the depression.

Alcohol impairs judgement and increases impulsivity. This can lead to poor behavior and negative consequences that lead to or worsen feelings of depression.

The bottom line is alcohol abuse and depression are a dangerous combination. And unfortunately, this combination can be self-reinforcing and incredibly hard to break. Anyone who is feeling depressed and has a tendency to abuse alcohol should speak with a therapist to get their symptoms under control. A therapist will be able to offer coping strategies as well as refer you to a local addictive treatment center.

If you or a loved one are interested in exploring cognitive behavioral treatment, please be in touch with me. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

]]>991Ways that Compassion Can Help You Support a Loved One Suffering from Addictionhttps://vanessahebert.com/ways-that-compassion-can-help-you-support-a-loved-one-suffering-from-addiction/
Tue, 06 Aug 2019 19:00:33 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/ways-that-compassion-can-help-you-support-a-loved-one-suffering-from-addiction/It can often be difficult knowing how to navigate a relationship that is tainted by addiction. Often, loved ones are told that helping an loved one with addiction means creating codependency, and that the best thing to do is show some “tough love,” even if that means walking away.

But is this really true?

Is there a better way to relate to a friend or family member who is struggling with addiction? Is there a form of love besides “tough love” that can help us help our loved ones?

Recent research has found that loved ones can play an important role in a loved one’s recovery. While friends or family can’t change their friend or family member, there are things they can change about themselves that will benefit the relationship.

The most significant thing a person can do is to become more compassionate toward their loved one struggling with addiction. Compassion is key to recovery as it allows a person to love a friend or family member without condoning (enabling) their behavior.

Why Compassion is so Powerful in Recovery

When we offer a loved one genuine compassion, we voluntarily join them in their suffering and give them profound gifts that can be catalysts toward real healing and recovery.

Being compassionate means:

We See Them

Compassion allows us to really see our loved one and the suffering they are going through.

We Hear Them

All humans need to be heard, but those with substance abuse issues often feel they go unheard. Compassion allows us to talk less and listen more.

We Validate Them

To see and to hear are not enough, we must also let our loved ones know they have a right to express their pain, anger, sadness, or any other emotion they are feeling. Too often, friends and family members ignore or minimize their loved one’s suffering. Compassionate helps us validate the person.

We Comfort Them

Whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional pain, sufferers need to be comforted. Compassion guides us and helps us provide our loved ones with comfort through a loving touch, knowing glance, or a few kinds words.

It is also incredibly important to be compassionate toward yourself during your loved one’s recovery. Self-compassion asks that we treat ourselves kindly; that we see, hear, validate and show ourselves the same comfort we show our loved one.

If you or a loved one is suffering with addiction and interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

]]>9735 Ways to Get a Better Night’s Sleep with Anxietyhttps://vanessahebert.com/5-ways-to-get-a-better-nights-sleep-with-anxiety/
Sun, 16 Jun 2019 12:00:26 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/5-ways-to-get-a-better-nights-sleep-with-anxiety/Affecting nearly 40 million adults in the United States, anxiety is one of the country’s most common mental health disorders. Sleep disturbances such as insomnia are highly prevalent amongst those who suffer from anxiety disorder. If you have trouble falling asleep, it may heighten or trigger your anxiety, and vice versa. While it can be difficult for an anxiety sufferer to fall asleep, it’s not impossible; read on for five ways to get a better night’s sleep.

1. Exercise

Physical activity is an important component for overall health. Exercise will produce chemicals in your brain that will help elevate your mood and decrease your stress or tension, which will provide some relief for your anxiety. Exercise will also help you sleep. Not only will the physical exertion improve the quality of your sleep, it will help insure you’re able to sleep without interruption.

2. Daylight

Daylight helps set sleep patterns, so try to spend at least 30 minutes outdoors during the day time. Daylight sun exposure is critical if you have trouble falling asleep, because it helps to regulate the body’s circadian clock.

3. Healthy Habits

Studies have shown that people who make unhealthy food choices are more likely to suffer from sleep disturbances. Healthy balanced meals will keep your energy stable which will help you manage your mood and improve your sleep habits.

It’s also important to avoid big meals or alcohol for several hours before bedtime. Smoking is another bad habit that can cause many health problems, which will negatively affect your sleep in a number of ways.

4. Night Time Routine

Create a routine that you execute nightly, an hour or two before bedtime. Minimizing screen time will help calm your mind and prepare you for sleep. Change into your pajamas and do some light reading, or find other ways to charge down and get ready to sleep. Make sure you go to bed around the same time every night too, including weekends.

5. A Comfortable Bedroom

Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet, without distractions. Have a window open to keep the room cool and the air smelling fresh. A clean room and clean linens will make your bedroom more inviting. Make sure you have a good quality mattress and pillow to maximize your comfort.

Are you struggling with falling or staying asleep, and need help maintaining healthy sleep habits? A licensed professional can help. Call my office today and let’s schedule an appointment to talk.

]]>981Five Healthy Ways to Reward Yourselfhttps://vanessahebert.com/five-healthy-ways-to-reward-yourself/
Sat, 15 Jun 2019 02:00:25 +0000https://vanessahebert.com/five-healthy-ways-to-reward-yourself/For many of us, when we think of a treat or a reward, our minds turn to food: our favorite chocolate cake at the local bakery, or a big, cheesy slice of pizza. If food doesn’t do it for you, you might want to reward yourself with some other unhealthy habit such as expensive purchases or overindulging in alcohol.

When we’re looking to treat ourselves, it’s usually to reward a positive change or goal we’ve reached through discipline and consistent effort. While there’s nothing wrong with the occasional indulgence, turning to an unhealthy habit to reward good behavior can possibly un-do your hard work; at the very least, you’re taking a step back from your healthy change instead of taking a more positive step forward. If you want to find ways to treat yourself that won’t impede your progress, read on to discover five healthy ways you can reward yourself for a job well done.

1. Relax & Rejuvenate

There might be no better way to spoil yourself than a massage or day spa treatment. Schedule yourself for a massage, a facial treatment, a mud bath or a hot stone massage. You might also want to visit a hot spring, where you can relax surrounded by nature in warm, geothermal pools.

2. Get a Makeover

A makeover is a great way to celebrate hitting a goal. Get a manicure, a new haircut or hire a professional makeup artist to create a new look. You can also consult a personal stylist to help you update your wardrobe.

3. Enjoy Some Alone Time

Some alone time might be just what you need to treat yourself. Take a day off work and plan a “stay-cation” for yourself. Take a bubble bath, find a new podcast to listen to, have a cup of hot tea or coffee while you curl up with a new book or binge-watch some shows on your streaming service. You can also go out by yourself and enjoy a movie or visit an art gallery.

4. Plan a Night Out

If spending time with loved ones is something you crave, plan a fun night out with friends. Find a comedy club, a festival, concert or sporting event to attend.

5. Take a Day Trip

Plan a day trip to a locale you’ve been meaning to visit. Plan a mountain hike or a visit to a beach or lake and enjoy a swim and a healthy picnic. If you’re looking for something more active, consider canoeing, horseback riding or a bike ride. If something relaxing is more your speed, take a long drive and spend the night out under the stars with a loved one.

Changing out our bad habits for healthier ones takes time and effort. By learning to reward ourselves in a more positive way, we reinforce our newer, better habits while discarding the old habits that held us back.

If you’re trying to make positive changes in your life and need guidance and encouragement, a licensed professional can help. Give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.