Rolex Submariner

Watch Snob: The Perfect Watch For All Occasions

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The Submariner isn't the only Rolex that meets this description.

The Watch Snob is in.

Why The Rolex Submariner Is Boring

Dear Snob,

I am an emergency room physician, and thus my daily attire of scrubs and sneakers does not provide my wrist a penchant for a nice Navitimer or Patek on a daily basis. I need a watch that can take some punishment but still garner the respect of my colleagues upstairs whose wrist attire can match the style of their neckwear. I, like the half of my department who don't wear a Casio G-Shock, am currently wearing a Victorinox timepiece, of which I am thankful you at least moderately approve. My proclivity would be toward something in the vein of a Rolex Submariner, a proven workhorse that demands respect. However, those dwell on the wrist of every other general surgeon, and I would like something a little more unique, perhaps with a chronograph function. Or, for your amusement, perhaps I should buy a Panerai that would at least feel at home with some of the various bodily fluids with which it might come into contact.

Sure, the Rolex Submariner is the perfect watch for all scenarios -- everyone knows that. Yawn. Even though I once proclaimed it so, I almost wish I hadn’t. The preponderance of self-proclaimed “desk divers” who proudly wear their dive watches as a badge of honor is frankly getting a little embarrassing. These guys think that just because a 45-millimeter chunk of steel has an automatic movement inside, it makes it haute horlogerie and endows them with the privilege to rub shoulders with people who know better. I’ve got news for you -- it doesn’t. The ability to time a grilled steak or parking meter with your 120-click unidirectional bezel is over-rated, as is 1,000 meters of water resistance, much less 100 meters. Swimming in the deep end of the horological pool doesn’t require a dive watch.

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. Now, on to your question regarding body-fluid-resistant watches that will still garner respect from the administrators upstairs. You can skip the Submariner, but Rolex is still a good choice. One of the understated Oyster Perpetual models or even the Explorer (old 36-mm version if you can find it) is the unexpected choice, and quiet confidence trumps the Submariner that the desk divers upstairs will have. Lacking a rotating bezel means less crevices to hide tissues and the Oyster bracelet can be hosed off at the end of a day in which you’re elbow-deep in chest cavities (or worse). Do you need to write the date often? Then perhaps a Datejust, but I’ve always found the date magnifier a bit gauche.

You may think you want a chronograph, but after the novelty wears off, I doubt you’ll whip it out with flourish every time you take a pulse and would prefer to just use the sweep hand on a time-only watch. Besides, DNA can hide behind those pushers.

The Watch That Screams "Retirement"

Hi Snob,

I bought a Rolex GMT Master II, and the idiot at the shop told me if I added some extra money, I could have it with a Jubilee bracelet. I did (hangs head in shame). Actually, I prefer it with a Jubilee, but does this spoil it in some way for a purist?

So you fell for the old bait-and-switch Jubilee upgrade routine. Are you over 60? Do you live in Florida and drive a Cadillac? If so, then this staple of the retired set, with its polished narrower center links, is a perfectly acceptable choice -- but only if your GMT-Master is yellow-gold or two-tone. If you don’t meet these criteria, then, yes, it does spoil the watch. But if you prefer it that way, then wear it with pride. Just don’t be surprised if you start getting solicitations for timeshares in Boca Raton.

Question from a Watch Knob

Are you lazy or have you been handed everything in life without having to work for it? Your column used to be published like clockwork -- recently it gets published half-heartedly with up to 10 days between columns. Did your European schooling teach you nothing about responsibility and punctuality?

Do you honestly think that my education had anything to do with managing the publication schedule for a website, either in terms of the skills or the goals? I leave these mundane details up to others so I can concentrate on what’s really important -- like answering inane questions from bitter readers who don’t have anything better to do than count days (inaccurately, I might add) on a calendar. So I wonder whose schooling is really lacking here.