Teacher: Can anyone
tell me how many seconds there are in a year ?Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

Teacher: This is the
third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about
that?Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday !

Teacher: Didn't you
hear me call you ?Pupil: But you said not to answer you back !

Teacher: Why can't you
ever answer any of my questions ?Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me
being here !

Teacher: What came after
the stone age and the bronze age ?Pupil: The sausage !

Teacher:
I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !

Teacher: You new here
aren't you, what's your name ?Pupil: Fred Mickey SmithTeacher: I'll call
you Fred Smith then.Pupil: My dad won't like that.Teacher: Why is that
? Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my
name !

Why did the teacher
wear sunglasses ?Because his class was so bright !

Did you hear about the
cross eyed teacher ?He couldn't control his pupils !

Teacher: What family
does the octopus belong to ?Pupil: Nobody I know !