10 Marriage Rules that No Longer Apply

Still making the kids' lunches every day because you think you "have to?" You may not realize it, but that behavior could be springing from an outdated belief that it's somehow "your job." Although rigid roles can make things more streamlined, they can also be limiting. So give up that — and these other 10 things — for a happier and less stressful union.

Once you're married, you can't have a life of your own

Once you're married, you can't have a life of your own

"A wife used to be encouraged to tend to her husband's and children's needs first. But if you do that, you'll become resentful," says Dan Beaver, a marriage and family therapist in Walnut Creek, CA. Then your frustration may manifest itself in different ways, like getting depressed, snapping at people, or smoking or drinking too much. So forget about that old-school rule, and do something every day that makes you feel happy, relaxed and/or fulfilled, whether that's seeing an author speak at your local bookstore, taking a few minutes to practice a morning meditation, or going on a green juice run sans kids. "You have to care for yourself before you can care for others," says Beaver.

Pouting is an effective way to make your point

Pouting is an effective way to make your point

In the past, married men and women often fell into their defined roles, rarely stopping to reveal their true emotions if something was starting to feel "off" for fear that their partner might not understand, or worse, would reject them for it. But now all that is changing. "I try to help couples express themselves, even if they're worried that they'll appear too vulnerable," says Cheryl Gerson, LCSW, a couples therapist in New York City. In other words, if you're scared, say that out loud to your partner. You don't have to be tough and brave all the time. "You're human. Contrary to what you may think, admitting your fears and doubts will actually bring you and your partner closer," says Gerson.