"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'" Art Buchwald

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me drive for ones."The driver thinks to him self, "Well I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "slow down a bit, you might get pulled over." The Pope says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute."The Pope says, "sure"The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "guys I just pulled over some one really important."They ask who, "The President?.""No more important.""The president of another country.""No more important.""An ambassador.""No even more important.""Well who is it.""I don't know, but the Pope is their chauffeur." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "TOILET" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term "BATHROOM COMMODE." But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. "Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply: "Dear Madam: Regret very much in the delay in answering you letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people atone time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late."

"The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C."

"I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather."

"If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks."

"Remember, this is a friendly community." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested. "Not according to my radar," the trooper said. "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back. "No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck. "Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail," Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holdinga frying pan in hand.

Man: "What was that for?"

Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy"written on it?"

Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horseraces? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.

Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again heis bonked on the head.

Man: "What's that for this time?"

Wife: "Your horse called."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Welcome to the week........beginning.

I hope you enjoy all of the jokes thoroughly.

I've tested them out personally doing my stand-up routine in front of the cows.

They gave me the hooves up, and said I was outstanding in my field.

"Udderly sensational" I heard them saying.

It was very mooving.

I love bovine humor.

Have a happy day ya'all.

joe

Edited by gymcandy1 (01/20/1311:47 PM)

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There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

Good morning Joe,Haroula and all who arrive later We're getting snow tonight and then maybe again Thursday It was 60degrees yesterday,but a bit to windy!!Nan I hope you and Sassy are staying warm! I'll get the coffee going and keep it hot,have a good one everybody

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I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on for the day yet. We got the new BBQ grill yesterday. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful beginning to the new week. I'm pushing some warm air to those who need it. I hope it gets there. Danish, Waffles, Muffins, Bacon Sandwiches, and Hot Chocolate in the NC.

Good morning. I hope you all are doing good. I have PT this morning, then chiropractor at 3:30, then work for 5:00. Busy day. We're getting a coastal storm tonight and tomorrow morning. Figures. I have an appointment for 11:00 in Waltham. It's an hours drive from here. I'll see how bad it is in the morning. If it's too bad I'll cancel. Oh, the PATS lost yesterday Boo

Nan, please stop blowing your cold air here. It's 4 degrees with a -11 windchill and I am stuck in the house with 4 very large hyper dogs. They rousted me out of bed this morning by fighting over who lays where eventually pulling all the covers off me. I know my temps are a heat wave for you!

Midgie, it's another cooking/cleaning day and then Salsa Funk tonight so I will get my exercise. I hope the weather cooperates with your plans!

Darlene, I hope you enjoyed your weekend.

Gail, enjoy your day off with the girls. How are you feeling?

Connie, I have chicken breasts defrosting, I'll bring it over to christen the new grill.

Venus, have a fun lunch.

Gerry, is your area behind in snowfall amounts too?

Sue, hope you don't lose the dogs in the snow.

Haroula, have a great day!

Joe, you quack me up! Are you all done with the old apt now and settled in?

Well, I ended up sleeping all day yesterday. As we were sitting and sipping and getting ready to stain, son said, "Hey, you and dad are tired. I'll stain the beds this week. You guys rest." I took him at his word and took my coffee and went to bed. I thought I'd just take a nap but ended up sleeping almost all day. However, when I did wake up again very very late I was no longer achy

It's another beautiful day out there. I think hubby and I might get the 4 legged monkeys out for a stroll once we hit the afternoon highs.

The boys will be going home late this evening.

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras