Author
Topic: Dear Dog: (Read 179570 times)

I've tried to explain this to you many times. Hopefully this is the last. In order for me to make money to buy you dog food and a warm bed to sleep in, I have to leave you alone for a few hours a day and go to this thing called a "job." I know your lazy butt does not understand "job" but trust me, it's the only way I can make money. Legally, that is. Please stop crying when I leave. Thanks

Tessie, you have lived in a unit before. Why must you bark at ever little sound from the neighbors?

Yogi: Granted, you are missing some brain cells, however; even though you can reach the counters (and that's why the bread is on top of the fridge now) just because my Ramen smells good please DO NOT try to reach for it by jumping up beside me, front paws on the counter. Ramen on the stove is HOT.

I miss you and wish you could come live with me, Alas you cannot. However, when mommy comes home for a visit she would rather you let her hug and squish you as opposed to playful don't pick me ups dog.

That is all.

Logged

‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’ attributed to Edmund Burke 1729-1797

Thank you for the honest opinion you gave me as I was trying on my new maternity swimsuit. You always know how to make mummy feel good. Though something tells me you would always think that I looked nice as long as I feed you every night.

It is *just* a doorbell! It cannot hurt you. Therefore, going to Defcon 1 when it rings is not necessary. It is also not necessary to jump up so quickly that you bang your head on Mommy's face and knock her glasses off, forcing her to find her glasses while the nice UPS man waits outside wondering what sort of massacre is going on inside. It also makes Mommy think that letting you cuddle with her might be dangerous.

Also, you weigh 13 pounds soaking wet, and I am carrying you. You are not scaring anyone. Yes, I know you are trying to protect me from the evil that is knocking at the door. If I was worried, I wouldn't have opened it. Honest. Look, I closed the door; the UPS man is gone now. You can stop growling.

You're very cute, and you're a very good dog, overall. I know it's not your fault that Papa keeps leaving the screen open so you can get into the dining room when Mama's in bed, and I know there are so many fun temptations in there. But, I also know you're a smart girl, so please, from now on, will you make sure to only steal Papa's shoes from the dining room? Seeing as how he's the one who keeps giving you unsupervised access? I know you've been kind enough not to do any visible damage, but I actually paid extra to get the shoes with the comfy insoles, and they just aren't the same now that you've eaten said insoles. And I know I always complain about how ugly those fake Crocs are, but I really can't say that you chewing through the strap is an improvement. Also, the more money I have to spend on new shoes and insoles, the less money I have for toys and puppy treats.

Also, darling pup, I realize it's futile to ask you to never roll in gross stuff again, but can you at least do it when Papa's home to clean you up? He's used to that kind of stuff and is unfazed by it, but Mama is not. Share the wealth, Baby!

Bruno apparently ONLY likes my things. He accidentally grabbed one of Archer's shoes, then dropped it once he realized it didn't smell like me. Archer says he just misses me and chews up my shoes so I can't leave.

Bruno apparently wants me naked, too, as I routinely have to go under the bed to find a treasure trove of my laundry. Again...only mine!

thankyou for learning, at the age of 4, to finally pee and poop outside.

when the cats bring a mouse inside the house as a present for me (tho ive told them for years that chocs and flowers are my preferred gift) please dont run off with the mouse and sit on my bed and lick that poor mouse till its soaked.