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Yesterday was first married Valentines day. Mark got me a huge bouquet, but he’s away, so I went to dinner with Annie and Dasha. It was a lot of fun – and I think Dasha needed a good girl’s night. She’s one of the most gorgeous and genuinely nice people I know, or have ever known. She won’t have many single V-days.

Today I woke up at 8 and got to work by 10. It’s 4:20 now and I cannot wait to go home. I was supposed to do dinner with John and Marz but cancelled. Tonight I just need to sleep. Watch a movie maybe. Possibly scavenge a bit in Fallout 76. Who knows. But a quiet Friday night is in order.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019. We’re both working from home. Me, actually working, snow storm up North. You, one call, then video games and TV.

I make lunch at noon.

C: “Do you want a sandwich”

M: “Yeah, I’d love a sandwich”

I pull out the salami and ham I got from Wegmans the night before, with provolone, romaine, and mustard (mayo for me). You see it – it’s not the regular Wegmans brand cold cuts you’re used to. It’s pre-packaged organic cold cuts, because the deli line was too long when I went.

“Oh, I don’t want that. Never mind. That’s slimy to me. I don’t like that.” You are annoyed and judging.

“Ok,” I am annoyed. “You can have soup, or tuna fish or whatever you want for lunch.”

You hover, obviously not interested in tuna or soup. You want a sandwich. I ask if you want to try the salami and ham — you do. “Okay, it’s not bad” you say. “Sorry for being a dick.”

Then you look at the bread. I put mustard on both pieces of your bread. “You just make sandwiches way different than I do” you say, annoyed again.

“Fine, make your own sandwich then.” I say, so annoyed at you.

“FINE, I will make my own sandwich!” You’re really mad right now.

I finish making my sandwich, sit down, and continue working. I don’t eat because I think it’s rude to eat before you’re done making your goddamn sandwich.

You make your sandwich, sit down in the living room. I suck up my pride a little and move to the living room to sit next to you. We watch Crashing. I’m mad. I am not going to be over this unless you apologize. You can’t yell and freak over sandwiches.

Crashing ends. I go to the bathroom. You do the dishes. I sit down in the kitchen to continue working and yell out “Thanks for doing the dishes.”

You get up, walk into the kitchen, and hug me while I sit. You apologize.

“I’m sorry I freaked out. I wanted a nice sandwich on a nice snow day, not a bad sandwich, and I had an anxiety attack. But it was a very good sandwich, and I learned I can put mustard directly on the bread, so thank you for teaching me that. And I’m really happy you’re home with me.”

You were being playful and kind of cute in your apology, but I appreciated it and forgave you.

Okay so I want to start capturing our arguments in here. They’re usually stupid, and I think I’ll love looking back to read about how dumb you can be sometimes. Also, there will be more serious ones too, and I want to have a repository of my life like I used to.

I paid of my entire credit card debt in December, so I could go into 2019 debt free. I’m working on rebuilding my savings now. My credit score shot up 40 points within days. I was scared to pay that much out of my savings, but feel proud that I had that much to even consider it. No more hundreds of dollars in interest each month. Thank God.

Grad school

Two of the things I learned from planning our wedding in 8 months are: 1) I can handle a lot at once, and 2) I have a lot more free time than I realized.

I liked the feeling of always being busy, and working on the wedding after work each night and on weekends. It took a lot of coordination, but we got it done. When I was planning I realized I wanted to go to grad school after the wedding. I realized if I can do all of this in my “spare” time, then I needed to keep the momentum going and find something else to focus on.

I’m in the process of applying to Montclair for my MBA. I would be so proud of myself if I became an MBA. The girl who had a 1.2 GPA after her first semester of college, who took an eternity to get out of Brookdale. College came hard to me at first, but by Rutgers I had it figured out and I did well. Eight years and a career later, I want to go back.

My only concern is Montclair vs. Rutgers. Rutgers has the reputation I want, but Montclair is 30K cheaper. I’ve been told that Rutgers would be better if I were trying to change careers, but if I want an MBA to support the career I’ve already started, Montclair is fine.

I’ll apply to both. Though I’ll probably go to Montclair because I don’t want to take out $73,000 in debt.

The house

I really want to buy a house. So bad. We’ve outgrown the Manalapan house. I have so many beautiful things from the wedding I want to unpack (hello new plates and really sharp knives). But again, I just paid off my debt. I need to restock that account. And Mark’s traveling a lot right now. So we need to patiently save money until the Spring or so. I can’t control this right now. I can just save, and wait. In the meantime, my credit is strong, and I’m trying to better myself, and Brittany’s baking my niece.

2019 goals

2019 is looking great. I feel optimistic and happy. There’s nothing I need to do: “Quit smoking! (Previously done, thank god) Lose weight! (Weight is fine) Blah blah” The only goals are to stay credit card free, start my MBA, become an aunt, and remain patient until we can buy a home. Most of that takes very little effort on my part.

Oh and maybe get breast reduction surgery. I’m in the process of waiting to hear from my insurance. We’ll figure that out later.

I remember sitting in my apartment in Spring Lake, or maybe my bedroom in Belmar, emailing local businesses asking for a chance to work for them. Hi, you’re an engineering firm, I would like to work as a marketer for you. I want to learn and hone my skill, and I spotted these 4 things on your website that I can fix for your. Please hire me. Anyone.

No one ever wrote back. But I did it out of desperation I’m sure, and out of naivety, youthfulness, and because I had gusto. It’s good to look back and remember how far I’ve come.

We’ve been married for 2 months this Thursday. We haven’t looked at our wedding photos. I’ve yet to change my name. We’ve been enjoying not wedding planning.

But now it’s time to remove the haze of our laze, and get back to it. Back to the regularity of the gym, back to meal planning, back to organizing and preparing for next things. Not relationship wise on that last point, we’re not ready to jump into house shopping just yet.

Where I am now is:

I am finally actively job hunting. Looking for a predominantly work-from-home job in marketing at my firm. They exist, I applied, fingers crossed.

After changing my name, applying finally to grad school. MBA in Business Analytics. This is good, a must, a something I look forward to.

Here’s why for both:

Working remotely: 1) I’m tired of driving 3hrs a day, 2) I am tired of this role and this office and the rules that say I need to sit at a desk 4 days a week to work on the internet 3) I want the freedom to travel with Mark during his busy season, and 4) I’m going to be an Aunt. And I want the flexibility to work from Brittany’s house during the week in PA when Eric’s at work to help her out during maternity leave. She’s all alone out there, and there’s no reason I can’t work from PA, or anywhere else.

Grad school: I’ve been interested in this program at Montclair for a few years and I think it’s time to go back. Reading and interpreting analytics is a very valuable skill, and having my MBA in it will make me a stronger candidate than I am now. I would be pretty competitive, and that’s something I need to reach my future goals of making a certain amount of $$. Also, I would be proud of myself! College was tough for me until Rutgers. I would feel great if I worked for my MBA. And I don’t need the GRE at Montclair. And if I start soon, I will hopefully almost be done by the time we have a baby one day.

Otherwise, we have been kind of lazy since the wedding. But reasonably so. I’ve held 2 showers, been in another wedding, and travelled to 2 bach parties this summer, not including my own wedding, shower and my own two bach parties we threw. Plus our week in Cape Cod.

I’ve been running around so much that I got crazy sick last week. Terrible fever, chills, cough. My boss even told me she recognized I was running ragged. But the majority of the wedding things are over now. We have 2 in November, we’re in both. One in California. But that gives us about 2 months to get ourselves in order until then.

On Monday I’ll be 32. That seems old. But I’m happy with where my life is, so at least we have that. Can’t help getting older. Can help the quality of that life.

The update: Suits are still coming. But the rehearsal dinner is all but planned, the grooms cake is ordered, and we’re slowly working our way through the DJ options. I feel less overwhelmed by all of this

The update update: Suits are done! Rehearsal dinner is done! DJ will never be done.

All the fun parts of wedding planning: Bach party, family, the shower…

This part is an island. We are alone making decisions. In a few months, more people will be involved in celebrating. This part is quiet and expensive.

The update: Everything is getting close. March is the last month of pure planning. Starting in April, everything ramps up.

The update update: The NY bach party is over and was a shit show in a good way. New Orleans is in 3 weeks! Its going to be less of a shit show. Swamp tours! Haunted mansions! Hurricanes (the drink, hopefully).

The actual wedding

The update: I am still looking forward to the wedding. But now even more so, because it’s all “coming together”. It’s less abstract than before, and I think it’s going to be a little over the top and absolutely amazing. Mark got his wedding band the other day, and it was really neat seeing him wearing this beautiful gold ring from Tiffany’s… yes he gets his own blue box too.
Cigar roller. Succulents. Mirror booth. It’s going to be special.

The update update: MY DRESS CAME IN. I go for my fitting May 5. I am noticeably thinner than when I ordered it. This is going to be okay. We have paid of most things. Also still owe 1/2 of it. Its expensive. Luckily Mark’s rich (though he says hes not… and he’s not rich.. but he is kind of…)

Buying a house by the beach

The update: Or wherever we end up buying. While we aren’t buying a house until after the wedding, Mark and I keep looking every week. But before we buy a new house..

The update update: I cant wait to move

Finding a new job

The update: I would like a new job and higher salary before we buy the house, so we’re approved for a larger mortgage. Not that we will buy the most expensive thing, but it would be nice to expand our options. I don’t despise my job as much as I did a month ago, I’ve chilled. But I will be ready to look and move on after the wedding.

The update update: I think I might go back to school. I dont think ill get a new job before we buy a house, but who knows. I think an MBA sounds wonderful though.

Getting a dog

The update: Yes still looking the most forward to this! Sandy the Golden Retriever. I am thinking you into existence.

The update update: I’m more excited over Sandy the dog than any future kids we’ll be lucky enough to have.

THINGS THAT ARE ON MY NERVES

The few unresolved parts of wedding planning that I need to decide on w/ Mark

The update: I am not annoyed at all. We’re piecing it together, and have plenty of time still.

The update update: We’re fine still. We only had like one argument, and that was over invitations, so I just made the decisions and moved on. And it wasn’t even an argument, we were both just so annoyed. These things get thrown out anyway who cares.

my job, godddddddddddamnit

The update: I’m relaxed. Six hours at the spa Saturday and purposely changing my perspective have helped. Work is going well.

The update update: My job is fine!

how pale I am.

The update: I’ve started tanning. It’ll take months until I’m normal colored anyway. I will never be tan.

The update: Suits are still coming. But the rehearsal dinner is all but planned, the grooms cake is ordered, and we’re slowly working our way through the DJ options. I feel less overwhelmed by all of this

All the fun parts of wedding planning: Bach party, family, the shower…

This part is an island. We are alone making decisions. In a few months, more people will be involved in celebrating. This part is quiet and expensive.

The update: Everything is getting close. March is the last month of pure planning. Starting in April, everything ramps up.

The actual wedding

The update: I am still looking forward to the wedding. But now even more so, because it’s all “coming together”. It’s less abstract than before, and I think it’s going to be a little over the top and absolutely amazing. Mark got his wedding band the other day, and it was really neat seeing him wearing this beautiful gold ring from Tiffany’s… yes he gets his own blue box too.
Cigar roller. Succulents. Mirror booth. It’s going to be special.

Buying a house by the beach

The update: Or wherever we end up buying. While we aren’t buying a house until after the wedding, Mark and I keep looking every week. But before we buy a new house..

Finding a new job

The update: I would like a new job and higher salary before we buy the house, so we’re approved for a larger mortgage. Not that we will buy the most expensive thing, but it would be nice to expand our options. I don’t despise my job as much as I did a month ago, I’ve chilled. But I will be ready to look and move on after the wedding.

Getting a dog

The update: Yes still looking the most forward to this! Sandy the Golden Retriever. I am thinking you into existence.

THINGS THAT ARE ON MY NERVES

The few unresolved parts of wedding planning that I need to decide on w/ Mark

The update: I am not annoyed at all. We’re piecing it together, and have plenty of time still.

my job, godddddddddddamnit

The update: I’m relaxed. Six hours at the spa Saturday and purposely changing my perspective have helped. Work is going well.

how pale I am.

The update: I’ve started tanning. It’ll take months until I’m normal colored anyway. I will never be tan.