Sunday, 7 January 2018

My Fear of Goals and Why This Year I am Setting Them, Blogging and Personal

Goals is a bit of a buzz word right now isn’t it. Honestly,
I have never sat down before and thought up a list of goals for myself. I’ve
made resolutions of course (and failed, of course.) I have even jotted down
lists of things I want to do or achieve (sounds like goals, right?) Yet I had
such little devotion to them that I always wrote them in pencil at the back of
a notebook, so no one would find them, and I wouldn’t be accountable so then of
course I never achieved any of them!

I also was all too often embarrassed of my goals, dreams,
ideas and aspirations. I wanted them hidden at the back of the book as I
thought anyone finding them may laugh at me for thinking I could achieve those
things, or for even thinking I was good enough to aspire to anything at all. It
was my fear of judgement at its worst.

If you read my last post, you will know that in 2017 I
started to face up to that fear and won. So, this year on January 1st
I sat down with a pen and wrote my goal list at the front of my lovely new
notebook. Now I am going to share that list on the internet and I am nervous to
do so but also proud of myself for finding the confidence.

Until last year I had always worked and for 8 years if I wasn’t
at work then I had a child with me. Life was full, busy and structured. I didn’t
feel the need for goals. Yet now I find myself in a position where I can afford
not to work for a while and both my children are at school and it’s all too
easy to waste time and that leaves me feeling unfulfilled.

Last year I set goals of a sort, but they were too vague and
open, for example, do more exercise. Without them being specific and achievable
I feel doomed to fail so this year I am correcting that.

I was simply going to list my goals below, but I have far too much
chat to leave it at that, so I will treat you to a little explanation of each.

1. Walk for at least 20 minutes each day I am able

For now, this is my only exercise goal. I didn’t
want to be too ambitious initially and set myself up to fail. Trust me even
this is a vast improvement on my current regime. I will walk at as fast a pace
as I can, and the 20 minutes is a minimum. When I say, ‘I am able’ I mean
health wise. I won’t let harsh weather stop me.

2

. Finish bookkeeping course

At the start of last year, I started a
bookkeeping course. I had two years to complete two levels. I’m not even half
way through the first level, oops. To complete the rest in a year is very
doable though.

3

.Publish 100 blog posts on The Best Version of Kelly

Last year I managed 65 and want to better
that

4.Start a family review blog

Yes, I want to start a second blog. One on which to review things the kids love such as the toys. I can tie it in with the kids YouTube channel, Banana Eyebrow (find it here and subscribe please!) I like this type of post, but they don’t fit with the ethos of this blog.

5.Publish at least one video a fortnight on Banana Eyebrow

Pretty self-explanatory. This one may be
ambitious but one a month just isn’t enough of an aim.

6. Lose 11 pounds

Yes, I want to lose and weight and no it isn’t
about vanity. The past two years I have been far less active than normal and as
a result have put on weight. This means currently barely any clothes fit me and
as I can’t afford to replace my wardrobe I have to lose weight!

7.Practise mindfulness

I have been going to mindfulness classes
once or twice a month for about six months now, yet I am bad at remembering to
practice the meditations between classes. My aim initially is to complete a meditation
once a week during January and build that up to daily by June.

8.Face my driving fears

I have always been an anxious driver, yet I had fought to overcome that and was managing to drive from Leicester to both Derby and Nottingham. Until my accident this summer. Now I can barely drive into Leicester. But I fought this once and I will again. I have listed five places all within Leicestershire that I used to confidently drive to and the aim is to get to that stage with each of them again.

9.Finish the year proud of how healthily I ate

Ok this one isn’t at all specific and is hard to measure however I am still unsure the direction this needs to take. Only I will know in my heart if I tried my best whilst retaining a level of moderation.

10. Try fake tan

I bet you weren’t expecting this one! I am pale, especially my legs. I don’t tan. I remember once after a fortnight in Turkey several people on my last day were still assuming I had just arrived. I hate my legs as a result and rarely show them. Three times now over the past few years I have bought a bottle of fake tan but never had the confidence to use it. I know that sounds mad but that was the level of my fear of judgement. I didn’t want to stand out, so I have always avoided anything fake, tan, eye lashes, nails etc.

11. Feel ok about showing my legs in the summer

See number 10, no more explanation needed!

12.Enjoy turning 40

I have been dreading my big birthday coming up in August this year, but I have decided to embrace it, enjoy it, celebrate it and hopefully make my forties my best and most confident decade yet.

Oh no, that is it and I am so superstitious, I can’t have
thirteen goals!! I didn’t number them in my notebook!

Ok so;

14.Read at least one book a month

In addition to all this I will keep up the photography
challenge I set myself last January, read about it here. I have stuck to it, for
all but my theatre review for which photos were provided. I really know nothing
about photography, cameras or editing. I also do not possess the artistic eye
or patience needed to lay out photos so overall, I am pleased with my results. They
are far from perfect, but I am proud of my photos. The ones used in this post
with my hand in, I set them up in minutes in bad light and was holding the
camera with my left hand so all in all I don’t think they came out too bad!