Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Halloween Candy Oscars 2013 - Part 1

It's that time of year again! I'm rolling out the blood-soaked red carpet for a whole new batch of candy for this year's installment of the Halloween Candy Oscars. Halloween's popularity cycles and 2013 has been shaping up to be a dull year. Halloween candy choices haven't been good this year as dim-wittted candy companies continue to change their packaging instead of actual product.

One company, however, has finally introduced some actual Halloween-themed goodies to Canada for 2013! I have never seen these products in Canada before now. Thanks to Target, the Au'some products are widely available.

The first is something called Klik. There are three different characters: a jack-o-lantern, a skull and a mummy. Sliding the spring-loaded chamber open allows you to fill the body with a roll of hard candies, very similar to a PEZ dispenser. Unsimilar to PEZ however, the Au'some candies taste like 3 tons of crap. The biggest difference between the two is that the Klik dispensers don't open to offer you candy. Instead, you pull back on a lever and FIRE one out! While the dispenser wisely states "Warning! Do not aim at eyes or face" I found this to be the best part of Klik. In the name of science I shot myself in the face multiple times, point blank. I did not go blind, cry or die; the candies were merely annoying.

The second is a gummy candy called 3-Dees. The 3-Dees live in a ghastly gravestone shaped box, with a blood-spattered mummy on one side, and blood-spattered Frankenstein on the other. The evil gummies inside (Dracula, a bat, and a jack-o-lantern) are highly detailed all the way around and come in 3 flavours. I am not fond of strawberry flavoured candy, but these were not bad. The orange ones were my favourite. Sadly, the watermelon flavour (typically my fav) did not taste anything even remotely close to watermelon. In fact, I can't even begin to guess at what flavour they taste like. I'm sure you could tell people it's "mouldy-pizza-crust-with-buttered-popcorn-and-Snooki's-tanning-lotion flavour" and they'd believe you.

Third up is something a bit different. The Candy Cauldron! Each package contains a black cauldron filled with fizzy powdered candy as well as a broom made of hard candy, like a sucker. Pretty neat right? Lick the broom (mine was apple), dip it in the powder, and suck it. Cool.

Unfortunately, the powder inside the cauldron just didn't do much for me. The fizzyness was minimal. So was the flavour. Despite that, it was still lots of fun, and instantly ups the cool-factor of any desk it sits on by at least 5 warts.

Finally I offer you the Gummy Mummy! The Gummy Mummy is a single, large gummy (40 grams). Mine was orange, but they're available in strawberry and mouldy-pizza-crust-with-buttered-popcorn-and-Snooki's-tanning-lotion flavour as well. The eyes are a little reminiscent of Darth Vader and the bandage/wrap detail is excellent, but does not extend around the back like the 3-Dees. It's kind of like a work of art. Obviously a beef jerky mummy would be more realistic but it's still pretty great. Want to sit alone on the subway? While you are chewing it scream, "I AM EATING TUTANKHAMUN!" and watch your elbow room increase dramatically.

Unless you're a rich (fair warning, swear word approaching quickly) asshole, these are probably not meant to hand out on October 31st. At around $1.29 each, they were awkwardly priced for trick-or-treaters. Each one seems to have both pros and cons but they're still tons of fun, especially if you're caught up in the spirit of things, no pun intended.