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When They Heard An NFL Football Player Moved In Next Door, We Were Probably Not What They Expected

March 15, 2009 — sew56

Brett has dwelled in our home for over 5 years. I moved in 4 years ago, after our wedding. At the time Brett moved in, he was still playing football. The Chiefs are a big deal around our parts, so I imagine it created quite a stir in the neighborhood (my friend and old neighbor, Allison, has confirmed this to be the case). I am sure their excitement was put on hold quite quickly when Brett left for a two month trip right after moving in. As a first time home owner, it did not dawn on him that homes require maintenance. He returned in mid-April to find his grass very overgrown. Surprisingly, despite having neighbors who have the Homeowner’s Association Violation number on speed dial, no one reported him. Probably because they feared what the 320 pound man who only decorations were stuffed animal carcasses and guns would do. Just kidding. There was no way they could have known about his spectacular decor.

Looking back, that event actually set the tone for our neighbors. You can really only go up from there, but unfortunately, “up” has only been about one step. I have spent considerable time beautifying the inside of my home. Decorating does not come naturally to me, but I have tried hard to make it a home. My poor yard has been so forsaken. A few summers ago, Brett decided to fertilize it. But it did not rain for weeks. So the fertilizer scorched the yard. This only added to the already forsaken yard.

The upside is that Brett had a really great story to use while preaching one Sunday….. paralleling our yard with the parable of the good and bad soils….he was referring to the plant that gets choked out by weeds. He offered for any church folk to come take a look at what happens when weeds overtake a yard. If it weren’t for trusty neighbor-at-the-time, Allison, we would be in way worse shape. She and her husband ordered stuff (I am blanking on the name) for their yard last summer and gave the leftovers to us. Looking back, Dexter claimed the fourth truckload was free, but now I am rethinking that maybe they needed their house to sell, which probably would happen quicker if the potential buyers did not know the Clampetts lived across the street. Either way, our yard got a little bit of love that day.

Brett wants to invest some money into our yard, but it is just hard for me to justify. We barely mow the thing, much less actually water it. Well, that is not entirely true. Today, I ran inside to grab something. When I came outside, Caleb had his pants pulled down and was peeing on the tree.

Most people would be mortified. Fortunately, we set the standard five years ago. And, to date, have not received any formal complaints.

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One Response to “When They Heard An NFL Football Player Moved In Next Door, We Were Probably Not What They Expected”

Our yard currently suffers the same fate. 😦 In order to make it better, I need to torch two huge trees and pull out 4 hideous bushes and just start from scratch. And, last year, I killed a tree in the backyard.