Monday, January 09, 2012

Ask Her New Husband Day!

Short on cash? Got an ex-wife with a new husband? Meet with him and ask him for some money.

Don’t just launch into it though. When you sit down, start off by asking if your ex-wife is well and if he’s taking care of her. He’ll say of course he is because he’s not you in that he cares about others.

Tell him you have a business prospect that could really turn into something big and since you care so much about your ex-wife you decided to ask her new husband if he wants to get in on this while he has the chance. He’ll say, “You drank your way out of another job and you need rent money.”

Say, “Isn’t it enough that you have my woman. Now you want to make me beg?”

He still won’t have taken out his checkbook yet, so here’s where you cry.

He needs to see it. He needs to see you cry with snot and everything. Then he’ll sigh and pull the checkbook from his pocket. Though it’s a lot of steps to go through, he really does want to give you that money. Being the second husband is a tough gig. No matter how awful you were, you were still there first. She once said in front of everyone that she would love you forever and it bothers him. He needs near constant reassurance that he’s better than you, and there’s no better way to get that than to give you a handout while you’re sobbing.

Make this money last. You’ll get maybe two more chances at payoffs from him, and the last one will be a big one. But after that he’ll cut you off. Unfortunately, that’s part of it. Refusing you money “for your own good” will be even more satisfying than giving you money like he’s ladling out soup for you at a shelter. So maybe try and sketch out a budget for yours– Whoops you already spent it all on cocaine.