Domestic violence (often called ‘family violence’) can include physical, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse. Children who witness regular acts of violence have greater emotional and behavioural problems than other children. Even very young children can be profoundly frightened and affected.

Contrary to popular belief, witnessing episodes of violence between people they love can affect young children as much as if they were the victims of the violence.

If the abused partner fears for their safety, or for the safety of their children, it is important to take the children away from the situation as soon as possible.

Short-term effects of domestic violence

A child’s response to repeated domestic violence depends on a number of factors including their age, gender, personality and family role. Some of the immediate effects can include:

Blaming themselves for the violence

Experiencing sleeping difficulties, such as nightmares

Regression to an earlier stage of development, such as thumb sucking and bedwetting

Becoming increasingly anxious or fearful

Displaying aggressive or destructive behaviour

Starting to withdraw from people and events

Becoming a victim or perpetrator of bullying

Starting to show cruelty to animals

Experiencing stress-related illnesses, such as headache or stomach pain

Displaying speech difficulties, such as stuttering

Misusing drugs and alcohol (in young adults).

Long-term effects of domestic violence

A child growing up in an abusive household learns to solve their problems using violence, rather than through more peaceful means. Some of the long-term effects may include copying their parental role models and behaving in similarly destructive ways in their adult relationships.

Children may learn that it is acceptable to behave in a degrading way to other people, as they have seen this occur in the violent episodes they witnessed. Appropriate support and counselling will help children to grow up learning how to relate to others with trust and respect.

Drug and alcohol dependence

Some parents who are dependent on alcohol or other drugs are unable to care for their children appropriately and may hurt or neglect their children. For some, the dependence on alcohol or drugs is so overwhelming that it takes priority over everything else, including looking after their children’s needs.

Children need consistency in their routine if they are to develop trust and a sense of security, which some parents who are dependent on alcohol or drugs may be unable to give them. Problematic parental drug and alcohol use may affect the child in the following ways:

Not getting all their nutritional needs met

Experiencing school and learning problems

Developing emotional problems related to anxiety or stress

Loss of trust in adults

Having an increased risk of mental illness or suicide in later life

Developing an increased risk of substance misuse.

Seek support to stop the violence

Domestic violence does not resolve itself. If you seek support to take action against violence, it shows your child that abuse is not acceptable and should be stopped. There are professional organisations that can help both partners to confront and change their destructive behaviours.

See your doctor for advice and referral, or call a parenting or domestic violence helpline. A parent who has problems with alcohol or other drug dependence needs professional treatment, including counselling or medical treatment. In the meantime, keep all harmful substances out of the reach of children.

How to help your child

You can help your child emotionally recover from domestic violence in many ways:

Get support to take action against the violence.

Protect children from violence by taking them to a safe place.

Tell the child that abusive behaviour is wrong and be a role model for other ways of managing anger and solving problems.

Reassure the child that none of the violent episodes were their fault in any way.

Related information on other websites

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Last updated:
August 2014

Page content currently being reviewed.

Content on this website is provided for education and information purposes only. Information about a therapy, service, product or treatment does not imply endorsement and is not intended to replace advice from your doctor or other registered health professional. Content has been prepared for Victorian residents and wider Australian audiences, and was accurate at the time of publication. Readers should note that, over time, currency and completeness of the information may change. All users are urged to always seek advice from a registered health care professional for diagnosis and answers to their medical questions.

1800RESPECT

1800RESPECT is a national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service that is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.