2/16/2006

Blowing Dick:Dick Cheney loves to have his balls cupped while he's getting a blow-job. He likes it when the kneeling fellater holds the testicles that are a heartbeat away from the Oval Office chair, perhaps bobbling them like qigong balls, perhaps giving a teasin' squeezin' to Dick Cheney's scrotum. Brit Hume is a cocksucker of great renown around D.C. Indeed, he is perhaps a more skilled chowder eater than even Sean Hannity for Hume gives the act the veneer of being something more significant than just another back alley hummer. Whenever male members of the Bush administration need to get their rocks off in a way that doesn't make 'em look all gay and shit, they can count on Fox "News" anchor Brit Hume to bob that knob better than anyone else. Hume receives regular face fuckings from the grateful dicks of Donald Rumsfeld, John McCain, and, much to Hume's chagrin, Ken Mehlman. (Chris Wallace is noted for his cunnilingus skills. And no one gives better falafel than Bill O'Reilly.)

Yesterday, Hume was masterful at playing Cheney's skin flute, blowing that bad boy like James Galway dueling the Devil, such beautiful mouth music. Cheney, under mucho pressure from Karl Rove (which means, you know, razor blades and kitchen torches), was forced to appear some fuckin' place to answer questions about his blasting birdshot into the body of his buddy. That meant it was time for Hume to break out the Burt's Bees lip balm and stretch his mouth out, work that gag reflex down, break out the kneepads, and await the Vice President's arrival.

And what a magnificent mouth punking occurred in the mighty Fox "News" studios. Cheney leaned back on his cum-stained chair and whipped his pants python out, told a smiling, voracious-looking Hume, "Make me look human," and the blowing commenced. Harry Whittington's "doing very well today," Cheney groaned; "the image of him falling is something I'll never be able to get out of my mind," Cheney moaned. You can pretty much pinpoint a couple of moments during the interview: when Cheney said, in regards to the delay in informing the press about the shooting, "I thought that was the right call...I still do," right there is when Brit Hume inserted his vaselined finger into the Vice President's anus and fondled his prostate. When Cheney said of Whittington, "He's been fantastic. He's a gentleman in every respect. He oftentimes expressed more concern about me than about himself," that's pretty much where Cheney blew his load into Hume's mouth.

Of course, it's always an awkward moment or two at the end, with Hume using his tongue to clean Cheney's cock off, asking, "[Y]ou said this was one of the worst days of your life. How so?" And then, the blow job done, it was time for small talk about insignificant shit until it was time for someone to leave. Hume asked Cheney about the release of classified material. Cheney responded, "There is an executive order that specifies who has classification authority, and obviously focuses first and foremost on the President, but also includes the Vice President," but also, "I don't want to get into that." In essence, Cheney was saying to Hume, "Man, you just gave me a blow job. I think we're done here."

Cheney left the studio, inflamed balls now a great deal calmer. Hume, of course, flossed, adding the stray, stuck pubic hairs to the collection he keeps in a cigar box in his office so he can open it and look at each labeled baggie and dream dreams that only a Fox "News" anchor can dream, of capitulation, of devotion, of purity of cause, of the next delicious fellatio session on, say, Sunday.