“We’re now going to be writing our story like no other religion in history,” said the organization’s totally friendly leader, David Miscavige.

He said the new facility, which includes sound stages, editing rooms, and creative suites, will allow an “uncorrupted communications line” to “virtually every person on Earth.”

“This is Scientology’s version of a cross between Paramount and Disneyland,” former member Mike Rinder said to the Daily Mail. “The idea of this thing is not just feature movies but also TV ads, informational videos, TV programs. They don’t need this new base, so the question becomes ‘why’. It’s just a fundraising ploy to buy real estate, to persuade people to give them money, and if they can come up with the concoction that this is the next great thing to tell the world about Scientology, then all the better.”

Uh, yeah, all the better. Wonder if they’ll produce a response to Going Clear? Will they force all of their famous Scientology members to star in their films? Will this finally give us the John Travolta/Tom Cruise buddy cop flick we’ve always dreamed of!?