Purpose

So lately I’ve really been wanting to get into my word differently. Not just randomly ya know? I mean, nothing wrong with that but I just want more. I’m hungry. I don’t mind bouncing around and re-reading this chapter and going back to that book, but it seems like it would all just stick differently after having read the entire thing. I’ve never read the entire bible. I’ve attempted many times, but just never seemed to complete the task. I would all of a sudden get bored of some parts, couldn’t follow others as well out of sequence, or come across a certain book of the bible that just was not an easy read for me. I know there are supplements and chronological bibles, and different versions…but I wanted something really suited for me, not just another suggestion that sounds up my alley, ya know? You know those bible in a year plans? Yea, it’s like I start, doing well, and then I take a detour. Remember that movie, “A Bug’s Life”? All of this reminds me of that part where the bug is flying and then loses focus because it’s attracted to the light and gets zapped lol. Yup, I’m sick of getting zapped.

Hmm…maybe the free spirit in me just doesn’t have an appreciation for the “helpful” guide telling me to read these 3 chapters in Daniel on Tuesday when maybe I feel like reading James this Tuesday. I spiced it up a bit and now I’m off the plan lol. I can only do monotony in moderation. All that being said…*drumroll*….I’ve began reading “The Story” by Max Lucado & Randy Frazee. It’s just that too…a chronological bible in the form of a story. Yes! I hope I’ve found a winner.

So in The Story, like the bible it starts with the beginning (Genesis) when God created the heavens, the earth, Adam and all that good stuff. All of a sudden I became fascinated with this fact that I’ve known for years. Fascinated with how beautiful it was for a woman to be created from such an awesome part of the man’s body that indeed does help and support, as us women are built and purposed to do for our husbands. I love the picture that it paints.

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”

As many of you probably know, the ribs surround the chest and in turn protect the body’s heart, lungs, and internal organs. That’s a lot! Like the ribs, wives aid and protect their husbands in often the most gentle of ways. His lungs which give him breath to live…and his heart, the origin of all matters of his being. If those organs aren’t intact, neither is he. If he’s our leader and he’s not intact, shoot, neither are we. That’s “one”. That’s a great responsibility. To be called a wife or a husband is such a high calling that I think gets taken way too lightly. It’s never to early or late to start praying for your spouse. You love them, right? Prayer is the most loving thing you can do. It covers a multitude.

Now, I was married years ago…yea yea yea but I don’t even feel like it. I mean I recognize that it was big and it’s definitely one of those things that I would talk about in it’s entirety with my future husband, but It’s really like a childhood memory now, in the past. I’m just sooo different from that girl back then, I’ve been single longer than I was ever married, and that ending was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It brought me back to my first love appropriately and I began transforming and growing as I moved forward. I’m new. If you’ve ever moved forward, then you know very well that moving forward requires that you don’t look back. God’s funny though, because then he’ll “bring you back” just to show you that you’ve moved forward. So sweet, I love it.

But back to the rib. So the rib is this super great part with a great role, right? but the fascinating part was that God created more than just a rib. God created and entire being of it’s own. A beautifully made woman perfectly suited. I can see God now molding and shaping all the curves inside and out. She went from good to great in His hands. I’m sure Adam woke up like “heeeey” haha. In the words of my best friend “Get you some of that” lol.

At my church, a man who desires and is looking for a wife is jokingly said to be “looking for a rib” haha. And so, whenever a guy is interested in me that I have no interest in, I jokingly say to myself, “Uh uh…I ain’t your rib!” We will not be making eye contact. You better pay attention to the sermon! lol…really though.

Now I’m no expert, but I do have pretty good relationship experience. In thinking of how wonderful a man and a woman are apart, I can’t help but think about the beauty in them being together. So here’s a “Rib Tip” If I may for singles like myself…

Fellas — If you want a good rib, I recommend you be a good and faithful steward and gardener in the small areas. Take care of all that the Lord has already blessed you with. While you do have to pursue and make your presence known, if she’s a wise woman you don’t have to try hard to get noticed. A wise woman is not easily fooled and sees what matters. It’s your choice to make that work for you or against you. If she’s interested, I hope she’s praying for you. If you’ve already found your soon to be rib, awesome! Remember that loving her is truly loving yourself. If you’re garbage, so is she. If you don’t have it together, don’t expect her to either.

Ladies — The bible said a man findeth a wife, so if you’re looking for a man (or wearing nothing to get his attention), cut that out. You are who you attract. I don’t believe looking for him is your job. Eve didn’t choose Adam, God chose Eve for Adam. Let your man receive from the Lord on who his wife is. Hold on to that truth…he’ll come. And truthfully, who knows, he might already be there and you not realize it. Some of the best relationships begin as friendships. Pray that he finds you in God’s timing and that you are both prepared when he does. Focus on loving the everlasting man you already have and should be your world, Jesus. If you’re in a relationship, stay honest with yourself and your partner. The second you recognize you’re not his rib, save the heartache and end it. It can turn into mess that God won’t bless. Some days it’s annoying and you want your fairy tale prince to hurry up and awaken you from your slumber, I know. But that’s not real, and you don’t want anything half-baked. Easier said than done but just keep praying, sitting pretty, loving God, and loving people. Forever is a long time – that’s how long you want with him, right? Well I promise this wait won’t be as long. I love you and I’m praying for us. Have a blessed day! 🙂

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This morning I actually did cry out of frustration. Ay yi yi…enough with the ups and downs already! This is weird. I promise I’m not pregnant.

I’m realizing that some topics are sensitive for me and so, off limits with me or very limited in discussion and that’s depending on the person — geesh. I’m annoying myself! I’m introverted remember, so I’m pretty much telling you all of the stuff that isn’t bursting out! Besides that “Hell No!” from last week of course, ha. But yea…

I’ve been slowly unpacking boxes (not all of them), and my mom makes a chipper comment followed by a smile, “Uh oh, the boxes are shrinking down!” I was instantly annoyed. I know she’s happy, but I don’t wanna hear that. I am in no way thrilled that the boxes are shrinking down lol. In fact, I would love it if I didn’t have to open any of them so that when I get the green light to exit this casa I’m ready to go lol. On a lighter note, Ladybug has arrived and has made me smile. Maybe it’s ’cause it’s like a big mobile souvenir of a life I was proud and working great at prior to interruption. My dad drove it and said it drove great and could probably make it just fine driving across country. My eyes lit up. Don’t test me Paw!! haha. Anyway…

Besides the adjustment with that. I’ve been upset about a few things. I’m appalled that some things just have not changed. Things that are long overdue yo! Not in the city (the city has actually changed a lot – it’s what cities do), but some of the people, not so much. The ones that have, it’s so beautiful and makes me feel good about moving somewhere else (like they’ll be okay), but the ones that haven’t make me wanna vomit. I’m tired of the same ‘ol same ‘ol issues and behaviors. It’s like while I was gone and growing and changing, homie what the heck were you doing over here?! Moving and shaking so you wouldn’t have to think about what it is you know you needed to do?! Just going through the motions?? Are you gonna be the same way next year?! I’m hoping they were growing and changing in ways I hadn’t yet noticed. I’m hoping. It sure doesn’t seem like it though.

It makes me think of when Jesus said…

He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me. – Matt. 10:40

Maybe that’s why the Lord moved me to the east coast…some of the people here on the west (not all of them) weren’t receiving me (or all of me) and so the Lord saw it fit to move me to a place where they would. Where I was both needed and received and in the process multi-tasked and did some miracles of a work in me as well; typical. I’m just thinking. Maybe some of those west coast peeps are ready now and I’m better prepared to reach them in a way I couldn’t before. I’m kind of an outsider now. I don’t really feel like I belong, and I’m seeing some things that I didn’t see before. Who knows, but I know my God is a God of second and fifth chances, He’ll sometimes do and allow anything to happen to win a soul…and one is worth much, and well, He loves me.

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I’m on day 2 of my obedient move back to the west coast and I don’t want to be here. You’d think I’d be all cried out by now, but nope…not just yet 😥 Gosh. I’m struggling big time with this and I’m in need of some serious healing (and prayer please). I’m upset, heartbroken, and my will is bruised. Don’t get me wrong, I love love love all of my family and friends here. Everyone’s very happy to see me and have me back. It’s good to see them too. I just want to visit that’s all…I don’t want to stay. Arggh…why am I here?! I just want to be left alone. I feel miserable and I don’t want company (ha). Just being honest.

This is not okay, God. I am not okay! This is your will, so you gotta help me be at peace with all of this. I’m not. Please fix this or me…I’m good with either one.

I have so many thoughts…hopes…questions…a whole lotta …”but you said..” and “you showed me, so…” *sigh*. I feel like for whatever purpose the Lord has me here (on assignment, for growth, healing, all of the above, or whatever) I just need to hurry up, jump on board and get it over with so I can get back to my happy place wherever the heck that is! (It should be anywhere…smh). All that must sound so horrible, I know. Maybe not the best attitude either, but it’s the truth and that I believe is always okay. I feel how I feel *shrugs shoulders*.

Today a friend on facebook shared that…

“Everyday may not be a good day, but there’s good in every day.”

Praise God for that! So I’m determined to find the good in every day and rejoice in it.

This was good about my day today:

I woke up. I had a wonderful breakfast. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. I relaxed with a close friend at the marina. I was comforted by someone I use to comfort (and somehow it was sweeter for that very reason). I made a friend smile on her birthday. I saved $2 at the store (lol). Someone bought me lunch. I saw some of the harvest from seeds I had sown long ago and forgotten about – amazing!

After writing that, I feel kind of silly complaining and focusing on the bad (some of you are probably thinking…”As you should!”). Dag, I’m blessed. But when we go through situations they seem to be magnified and cloud out other things going on.

There was tons of good in today. I’m still not okay (but I trust I will be). I’m just glad that the good in tomorrow is definite.

“I will recount the steadfastness love of the Lord, the praise of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has granted us…” – Isaiah 63:7 (ESV)

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As I prepare for my leave, a few key words have been swarming around and ringing in my ear. I just had to look them up! None of them mean goodbye, but mostly, “See you later”, “‘Til next time”, or “Chow for now”. You get my drift. These two have really stuck out in memory.

fare·well/ˌfe(ə)rˈwel/ noun

(1) an acknowledgement or expression of goodwill at parting.

(2) the act of departing politely.

After seeing this definition I had to look up depart and I must say…I love it and I agree.

I went to brunch with a friend this weekend and she gave me a new “journey” pandora charm to add to my bracelet. How thoughtful and appropriate! I loved it. She also gave me a card in which she wrote a lovely quote that I appreciate. It read…

“Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or lifetime is certain for those who are friends.” – Robert Bach

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10

I’m not gonna lie, I am indeed a bit sad. But both this quote and scripture is encouraging. Even through this bit of sadness that I feel…I know better than to make decisions based on how I feel, and I haven’t. I trust God that this feeling is very temporary and I am positive that it will not be regretted. You see, the choices we make in life (big and small) are so important and have an affect on individuals that we haven’t even encountered yet. How selfish of us to submit unto the Lord, say use me and then pout in the corner with our arms yelling “No!”. Moments like this can make us or break us. I’m willing to be broken to make it.

Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His, And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. Now in my prosperity I said, “I shall never be moved.”

– Psalm 30: 4-6

I read somewhere that morning is whenever you wake up. I wish I could say I have fully awaken, but truthfully I have not. My feet are dragging lol. Still moving forward though (my mom would be proud). The bible, God’s word, my sword, the truth — that is there even when I’m not, and since I believe it, each day, with each passing day, I will enter greater rest and peace in The Most High, truly letting go, letting God, and reaping from it…and wake up and experience joy in the morning! 🙂 It’s just a matter of time. Keep me in your prayers.

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For the longest I’ve wanted my own place… A place to call my own. No roommate, just me. My own kitchen to clean up or dirty up, to cook up everything or nothing at all and try out all of The Divine Hostess’ fabulous recipes hehe. A place to entertain loved ones and make them feel at home away from home. A place to blast music and dance naked (yea, I said it) and bring sexy back like no tomorrow. Or really…just a cozy blessed environment for your achy breaky heart. Come over for a hug, a laugh, a movie, a chat, a meal, prayer…but call first (lol). My very own place that I earned, I paid for, and I’m proud of…even if there is nothing in it.

Until recently (last year) the Lord finally gave me revelation that wherever I go, He will make sure that I always have my own place. Yes! I was happy. But then I started thinking wait, what does that mean?? haha.

For the longest I’ve wanted my own place… but to be perfectly honest, I don’t think the Lord ever wants me to live alone. Ha…I think He knows I’d like it too much. I’d get comfortable and use to things being my way and when the time came to share a space with someone else, a spouse perhaps, I might not be as successful as I’d like in compromising and changing my bachelorette mentality. He wants me around people. While I love people, I do love my alone time and I get quite antsy when I’m deprived of it. I’m a thinker and pray-er for goodness sake! I like to read, write, listen, meditate and often in pure silence. I need that sanctuary.

Any way…I still don’t have my own place and in fact, after much prayer and going back and forth with the Lord, I have surrendered to His plan for me in many different ways lately, the most recent being to move back to the West Coast with my family (not in my own place) for such a time as this. I feel like I’m just returning to headquarters or the corporate office for a bit to recharge before my next “earth camp adventure” (as one of my spiritual mothers calls it). Don’t ask me where, I have no idea. But, I’m open and I’ll keep ya posted.

This is ministry. My ministry.

The hardest thing about this type of ministry or missionary work is leaving. As soon we get comfortable and our “work is done”, the Lord moves us *tears*. As soon as we meet people that we want to be in our lives forever *tears* He takes them or us away. It hurts so badly. It’s like jerking people apart in mid-hug. I wasn’t ready for it this time. I wasn’t ready for it. It’s hard to give answers to questions that you don’t have the answers to yourself. Then to top it off, the enemy tries to harass you with lies and guilt and make you feel bad about following God’s will and reminds you of all the people you’re hurting in choosing this way. He knows your gifts too and jumps at the opportunity to capitalize on them. But, whatever. I’m choosing God’s way and my mind is made up. Can you see the struggle though? *shrugs shoulders* That’s where I am.

In the spirit realm, when we down here don’t release someone in our hearts, when we don’t free them or support them in doing what God wants to do in their lives, a struggle can arise. The flow of The Holy Spirit is interrupted for justifiably selfish reasons and things don’t sail as smooth. We move forward with an easy pass but still have to stop and pay tolls. We move forward with a rock stuck in our skates. We move forward wearing heavy snow boots in no snow. Just help us out; release us.

I feel myself wanting to ramble, so I’m gonna be wise and wrap it up.

I just hope and pray that the Lord would at least allow my distance to not disconnect. That the love I’ve found in all of these relationships will remain mutual, and that we can always be a positive something that looks forward to catching up, swapping stories, and seeing each other again.

So in obedience…I count down the days.

I very much believe that Father knows best so forever I will roll with and agree with His perspective. For now, “I’m okay” awaiting to be “great”….and I still want my own place LOL. Just being honest.

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While organizing and going through some boxes today, I stumbled upon some old notes that I wrote about walking in the Holy Spirit from a sermon I watched on television sometime last year. The sermon was titled: Walking In The Holy Spirit. I’m so glad that I stumbled upon it — I think it’s important to share especially in this day and age. We need all the help we can get, and The Holy Spirit is there for that very reason; to help us. May it minister to you as it did to me.

Many of us Christians go on through life routinely living a “godly life” when in fact, you cannot live a godly life, serve the Lord adequately, or understand how He works in your life apart from the Holy Spirit. It is absolutely impossible.You cannot do what God is called you to do without you inviting the Holy Spirit in. The Holy Spirit is as much a person as is Jesus. When we accept Christ as our Savior and invite Him into our lives, we should invite the Holy Spirit as well. Talk to the Holy Spirit just like you talk to Jesus. They work together.

The desires of the flesh is the desire to live outside of the will of God. Only inside of God’s will is where we, God’s children, are protected. Only inside. The bible tells us that if we choose to live by the Holy Spirit, then we will not do what our sinful selves want.

To be filled with the Holy Spirit and to walk in the spirit is to be totally and completelycontrolled (yes, controlled!). It’s a lifestyle; living moment by moment (what I call “go with the flow”) in dependency upon Him, sensitive to His voice and in obedience to Him. I’m not gonna lie, that’s definitely big and sounds easier than it seems. Kinda like saying you’ll get rich overnight. But, if and when you do surrender, it’s definitely worth it. The result will be living a godly life of obedience. I’m giving you a winning lotto ticket.

When we submit unto the Holy Spirit (or any spirit), we grant permission to the spirit, allowing it to use us as an expression of ___________. We develop a sensitivity which enables us to obey the initial promptings of the spirit. The Holy Spirit is an expression of Jesus Christ. Because I have invited the Holy Spirit into my life, I am an expression of Jesus Christ.

The work of the Holy Spirit teaches us the truth and reminds us of the truth from God’s word, testifies about who Jesus is, convicts us concerning sin, guides us into all truth, glorifies Jesus, and indwells in every believer.