needed some grunting moments as a source of outlet prior to having my taekwondo meeting with grandmaster. i really needed to unleash all that anger with endorphins emitting activities and iron was just the thing. the frustration of being continuously bombarded with phone calls and messages up to the hour of the meeting. didn’t kick up any of his calls because i didn’t want to be distracted by unrelated work matters. needless to say i was so distracted and deflated to the point where i didn’t want to hit the gym, but i’m glad i did it on a day where i felt so unmotivated

not the typical day i thought it would be at work. i thought i would go about my own business and keep my composure just as i’ve always done, but i unraveled in a hurry. i refused to bring my personal life to work and need not to explain the battles i fight. i was in pure frustration to hear people who have no idea what i’m going through make ignorant assumptions and go as far as using ‘abusing rights’. i never want to unload any of my problems on anyone cause i believed i’m tough enough to shoulder my own burden. clearly i haven’t said enough; hr and manager are asking to be let in on things i bottled up for much too long. they want to be my outlet and they want me to know i can let them in

i didn’t have to come today but i didn’t know what to do with myself when my mind doesn’t stop going. struggles still pop up though all this time i denied i was hurt much deeper than the surface. here i am on a friday night trying to workout like i have nothing else better to do. i have to step back, take a deep breath and remind myself i didn’t do anything wrong

a good day doing mostly the things we enjoy like watching midget hockey and wishlist shopping before a pig out and a quick stop to admire the christmas tree at mcarthurglen. i didn’t cross off anything on my shopping list but he found good deals on what he was looking for. just taking advantage of our time off during the holidays and soaking in the festive season while we can

after being out of town for four days surviving mainly on bread components, i was massively craving sushi and homecooking. i am just happy to be back in my regular routine doing mundane things, eating sushi, seeing my family and of course spending time with mo. just as he thought i only shopped for myself, i surprised him with a souvenir from portland outlet. it was a rough october with unproportional low ups to downs ratio; but more importantly i survived and look forward to a november to remember

another early morning to check into the convention centre by 7am. both poomsae and sparring divisions had some high calibre athletes. after a full morning being at the competition, we went for an early italian dinner before hitting up woodburn. it was time to relax and do some shopping at the outlet, but the many sales made me quite anxious. there’s so much i want to buy, but i managed not to splurge on all my wants

got my good luck red pocket money, one from my parents and one from the grandmaster. i’m all packed up for a good weekend in oregon. i’ll be there to scout and chill with my teammates for first two days, then my competition begins on saturday. i’ll also take this time off as a break from everything, relax and enjoy the moment. it was difficult trying to fit all my stuff into one duffel and backpack. now time for a red-eye drive down to portland