The first indication of the past is that of James' mother. She tells the story of how she had left when she had left home and changed her name at 19. By giving up her name she had created a new person; one who was not an Orthodox Jew.

"Rachel Shilsky is dead as far as I'm concerned. She had to die in order for me, the rest of me to live." (2)

The other thing that she did that had a profound affect on her life was she married James' father. This caused discord in her family and they wanted nothing to do with her. She was dead to her family.

"My family mourned me when I married your father. They said Kaddish and sat Shiva. That's how Orthodox Jews mourn their dead."(2)

For James it was a struggle to understand why his mother was white and his friend’s parents and his father was black. He would often question her about it.

"I asked Mommy why she didn't look like other mother."(12)

If James mother had not married his dad there would not have been this question. He is different and she is different in the community and this is the result of her choice to marry his father.