Beyoncé Knowles lends her voice to the queen of a magical world in the sky in this animated flick, which will never be described as a cinematic epic. Photo: 20th Century Fox Licensing/Merch

Beyoncé Knowles lends her voice to the queen of a magical world in the sky in this animated flick, which will never be described as a cinematic epic. (20th Century Fox Licensing/Merch)

Beyoncé Knowles lends her voice to the queen of a magical world in the sky in this animated flick, which will never be described as a cinematic epic. (
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They changed the title of this animated film from “Leafmen” to “Epic,” but the problem remains that it’s still about leaf men: tiny forest sprites in Robin Hood gear riding hummingbirds like stallions and firing arrows at one another. Wee people with daisies sticking out of their heads reach up to greet the day.

I had the sensation of sitting through a fourth-grade school play that contained no children of my own: the very definition of a nightmare.

“Epic” sprang from a book by William Joyce, whose imagination also powered last fall’s (epic) failure “Rise of the Guardians.” The two films share a penchant for terrible jokes, characters who are weird without being interesting and muddled storytelling.

Our entryway into this wee world is M.K. (Amanda Seyfried), who on a trip to visit her goofy naturalist dad (Jason Sudeikis) in the woods discovers the nutter is actually correct in theorizing that an advanced race of insect-size people lives high up in the sky.

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By the time she learns this, though, M.K. has been shrunk down to 2 inches after a magical encounter with the little people’s queen (Beyoncé Knowles). The only possible heir to the realm, a random green pod, must be protected, lest the nirvana of the leaf men (led by Colin Farrell as head soldier Ronin and Josh Hutcherson as his protégé, Nod) be destroyed by the forces of decay led by the armies of an evil bug-man named Mandrake (Christoph Waltz) and his bumbling son (Blake Anderson).

Somebody — everybody — involved in this film didn’t notice “Finding Nemo” could be explained in six words (overprotective fish-dad seeks wayward son).

It’s not that the plot of “Epic” is complex; it’s just untidy. There’s a lot going on that goes nowhere. Nod, for instance, strikes up a flirtation with the miniaturized human M.K. as the two of them battle to save the pod long enough for it to blossom in the next full moon. When she returns to where she came from, she’s going to be 30 times his size: I don’t think this relationship is going anywhere.

For a chunk of the movie, the main goal is to get the pod to supposed sage Nim Galuu — but he just turns out to be a doofus voiced by Steven Tyler. He’s a batty caterpillar in a bathrobe issuing confused prophecies. He seems to be a cross between the clueless Wizard of Oz and the manic showman King Herod in “Jesus Christ Superstar” (“prove to me that you’re no fool/walk across my swimming pool”). And why, if a pod is the key to everything, is it entrusted to the (literally) slowest characters (a slug and a snail voiced by Chris O’Dowd and Aziz Ansari)?

“Many leaves, one tree” is the motto of the leaf men, and of this tangled and insipid movie: We’re meant to shudder with the pride of, I guess, self-abnegation, since this is a slogan that could have been born in North Korea, or possibly the IRS.

Put me down on the side of the evil Waltz character: He points out that leaves shrivel and die alone anyway. Too true. Until then, “tree,” I’d just as soon keep the fruits of my chloroplasts to myself. I’m photosynthesizing my butt off here.