DEAR AMY: I got engaged. Our engagement was joyfully announced on my fiance’s family Christmas card and newsletter. The pictures on the card included two professionally taken photos of his siblings and their families — both lovely.

The photo of us is horrendous. It is a snapshot that his father took at a party; we are midlaugh and a little sweaty. It’s garish and unflattering.

This is a pattern; his dad has aired such photos of us (and others) before in Christmas cards and wedding slideshows seen by snickering observers.

I am appreciative of the love they have shown. I know his father has no malicious intentions, but my fiance and I are irritated.

My fiance doesn’t want to say anything because he thinks it’s spilled milk, but I want to safeguard us from having a similar experience at our wedding. What should I do?

10 Pounds Heavier

DEAR 10 POUNDS: Because this is a pattern, your fiance should try to speak to his father: “Dad, we’re so thrilled about our announcement. But we think we look like orangutans. I’ll email you two or three shots of us we like, if that would help.”

Some people are so controlling at their weddings that they confiscate guests’ cameras. Don’t be those people. Remember that your future father-in-law might be one of those guys who doesn’t see the difference between Kate Middleton’s wedding photo and a Polaroid of cousin Wendy from fat camp. See this as something you will laugh about later.

DEAR AMY: My aunt gave me her engagement ring and told me she wanted me to wear it, rather than have it sit in a box. I told my son that this ring will stay in our family for generations. I told him that when he found someone he wanted to marry, the ring would be his.

A year or two later, he called from college to say that he was going to ask “Josie” to marry him, and he asked for the ring. I stupidly gave it to him.

They got engaged, then picked out matching engagement and wedding rings. Josie now keeps my aunt’s ring in a box.

Is there any way I can ask for this ring back (to be worn until my passing) without causing hurt feelings since it is what my aunt wanted?

Foolish

DEAR FOOLISH: I realize this must be painful, but you cannot expect that a ring you gave to your son for his wife must be worn because of the wishes of a long-deceased aunt she has never even met. Please do not blame your daughter-in-law. She had nothing to do with its procurement.

You might as well ask for this ring back, but be prepared: As “foolish” as you say you were to give it away, you might feel more foolish in asking for it to be returned to you.

If you do ask for it back, do not judge or cast blame — simply say that you miss the ring and wonder if they would return it to you so you could wear it again. They might be very happy to comply.