While I’ve never witnessed a gaggle of rats (they’re not geese, but surely they’re not a flock or a pack…although each of the three terms seems surprisingly relevant here) scurrying frantically about the deck of a sinking ship (how many can say that they have?), in the aftermath of Sheriff Joe’s apparently irrefutable findings (has anyone within the sound of my voice heard a single substantive rebuttal of even one point?), I am beginning to picture clearly just how such a scene must look…as the aforementioned “gaggle” of “conservative” (no longer can I capitalize that) “reporters,” in a lemming-like frenzy, desperately seek shelter from the deadly light (or twilight) of truth – putting their at-once sheepish and pack-like behavior on full display! (Try saying that quickly!)

Although the youthful Ben Shapiro (twenty-seven or twenty-eight years old – born in 1984) does not yet know it, he and I are (were, actually) inextricably “joined at the hip” (Surely I will be forced to deny or explain this) – on-air, at least – this past Saturday morning! You see, Ben – reportedly the youngest nationally-syndicated columnist in the country, and now Editor-At-Large of Breitbart.com – occupied the first thirteen minutes of the eight-four minutes of actual interview time, on Mark Gillar’s Tea Party Power Hour, broadcast from College Station, Texas…and I the last seventy-one. So while he has clearly already received his “fifteen minutes,” I was mysteriously awarded far more than my due. (I can already hear the highly-substantive and always-informative ad hominem attacks that will issue forth from the ever-civil Left…that I deserve not even the minimum allotment of Andy’s predicted portion. For the record, I learned all about such important matters when I too made the mistake of going to College – Architecture School, no less – back in the late sixties…but I digress!)

After an excellent start, in which the highly-exuberant Harvard Law grad spoke with passion of the relationship of the (one-time Harvard Law Review) president (ditto my earlier “capitalistic” remark…) with the one-time radical (I couldn’t bring myself to use the Left’s cherished “extremist”) Harvard Law Professor Derrick Bell, the fledgling Master Shapiro careened alarmingly off course…as he was courageously asked by his well-informed interviewer what he planned to do in the way of following up on the fraudulent Selective Service registration card documented by the Arpaio/Cold Case Posse, and announced last week – a key vital record in the (almost non-existent) official document file of the unknown (and purposefully unknowable) Mystery Man holding the highest military security clearance in the nation, and in the Free World.

In a stunning metamorphosis – that would make a chameleon blush – the Shillman Fellow at the Freedom Center was suddenly transformed through what could only be described as a mesmeric trance, into an adamant and incoherent (but decidedly vehement) defender of the “settled science” of Liberal orthodoxy on this simplest of Constitutional questions…all of this in the immediate aftermath of his pious declarations of “vetting” the community-organizer-turned-president!

In characteristic fashion (bring it on Media Matters and the Huffing [and-Puffing]ton Post – not to mention every “respectable” right-wing “news” organ in the country from Red State to the National Review), I have droned on too long without getting to the heart of the matter. In an eventual Freudian moment (soon to follow), the alliterative “Benny (not Danny) Boy” betrayed (how appropriate) the sum and substance of his meteoric metamorphosis, when he heartily proclaimed that:

“The Left can try and get out of this however they want. The facts are the facts…. We are going after him [President Obama] because he is the President of the United States, and he has not been vetted, and we’re going after the media at the same time because they want to cover for him…. [Did he say they?] This comes back to…Andrew’s main point, which is that we need an army of citizen journalists. [He (Andrew) was right about that!] The media [which one, Ben?] is not going to do its job. The media…is simply going to continue its pattern of protecting President Obama, and so it’s up to all of us [which group are you in, Benjamin?] to do the job that the media won’t, which means that we are the ones who have to go out and do the research. [Only on officially-sanctioned subjects, apparently.] If you have a tip, send it to us!If you have any information or ideas, send it to us! [Well, sort of....] We will track them down! [Like Jim Bridger, no doubt, but only federally-allowed pelts will be pursued. Fortunately for Jim – but too bad for Ben – the straight jacket of political correctness was not fashionable among the manly trailblazers of his day.]

It is our goal to vet not only President Obama but all of our politicians, because an informed citizenry is a safe citizenry; a non-informed, ignorant citizenry is a citizenry that can be put under the thumb of…just about anybody.” [And that, my friends, is simply stunning...given what you will hear next.]