THOUGH JUST A DAY PAST ITS SELL-BY, IT DOES SMELL A BIT IFFY.

THAT TYPE OF PASTA YOU GET THAT’S STUFFED WITH STUFF

A friend of mine texted me, pretty much out of the blue, saying “you should do a blog about that type of pasta you get that’s stuffed with stuff.” And you know what, reader(s)? He wasn’t wrong – I should do a blog about that type of pasta you get that’s stuffed with stuff. So that is what I’m doing now: a blog about that type of pasta you get that’s stuffed with stuff.

For brevity, let us henceforth refer to the aforementioned type of pasta as TTOPYGTSWS. This, it must be acknowledged, is somewhat cumbersome, but it is the simplest way I can think of of going about it. If anyone has any better ideas, please write to us at the usual address.

Now, I am not a fan of TTOPYGTSWS. For one thing, no matter what it is advertised on the packet as containing, you can guarantee that it will contain ricotta in addition. This just seems to be an unwritten rule of TTOPYGTSWS. (Admittedly, there do not seem to be any written rules pertaining to it; I shall be lobbying the government.) And the problem with this is that I don’t like ricotta. So we have a double whammy: not only is TTOPYGTSWS disingenuous, the thing that it is disingenuous about is something I don’t like anyway. It ought to be ashamed of itself.

Another strong point against TTOPYGTSWS is that it is invariably slimy. I do not merely mean slimy in a moral sense (see paragraph above), I mean actually, physically slimy. Pasta is simply not robust enough to withstand stuffing, so it absorbs the moisture and ends like the mouths of those slobbering alien guys in those crappy Halloween episodes of The Simpsons.

The main problem with TTOPYGTSWS, though, is what I like to refer to as The Sauce Dilemma: sauce or no sauce? The pasta, by definition, is stuffed with stuff, which ostensibly should provide sufficient flavouring. But the pasta, again by definition, is pasta, and as such requires sauce. So what is one to do? I honestly don’t know, and the sleepless nights I’ve spent as a consequence of this state of affairs constitutes a very serious black mark against TTOPYGTSWS.

Perhaps it doesn’t matter anyway, as either way TTOPYGTSWS is unsatisfactory. I have never had a decent TTOPYGTSWS experience, and you haven’t either.