Honorable Mention: Rafer Alston Slaps the Evil of out Eddie House

I've used this video before in a past article, and I'll continue to use it until I feel the world appreciates it as much as I do.

It's the first thing I watch in the morning and the last thing I see before going to sleep. Even while making love, I'll think of it and laugh. And she'll leave, but that's OK, because I'm laughing too hard to notice at the time.

And when I'm on my death bed and that proverbial white light fills my vision, I hope to see Rafer Alston slapping Eddie House upside the head as I make my way down the tunnel.

Honorable Mention No. 2: Hockey Fight...kind of

I wonder how long they would have circled each other if the refs didn't step in and "break up" the fight. And why the penalty? As far as I can tell, they didn't do anything wrong, other than lose the respect of their families and teammates—and maybe even their god.

Growing up, these are the guys who claim they can kick a lot of ass, and for a bit you buy into their tough facade, but then you realize that you've never actually seen them fight.

19. Soccer Can Be Physical If You Confuse It with MMA

I grew up playing soccer, and contrary to what many Americans seem to believe, it's a lot more physical than you would think.

That being said, what Elizabeth Lambert did here is completely absurd.

On the field—shoot, even in a basketball pick-up game—you can expect your opponent to give you the business from time to time. An elbow here, a shove there, a trip or two, but damnit, if you blatantly punch me in the back or pull my ponytail, we're going to have a problem.

And no I don't have a ponytail. I'm not Tom Brady for goodness sake, but you get the point.

18. Rodman Hates Cameramen and Referees, And, I Assume, Himself

The guy just seemed dangerously unstable—kind of like Artest. Or that ugly guy who showed up at a New York bookstore in a wedding dress in a horse-drawn carriage wearing a wig, claiming he wanted to marry himself.

16. Zinedine Zidane Uses His Noggin...

Seriously, not even compliments. OK, I'm not sure about that one, but I wouldn't dare try it. Your head is the most important part of your body. Any man who would risk injury to it just to hurt you isn't messing around.

It was later revealed that Marco Materazzi—the recipient of the head butt—told Zidane that he would "prefer the whore that is [his] sister," which I think would be enough to upset any man.

Unless, of course, he didn't have a sister, in which case dude needs to come up with better burns.

14. Tyler Brayton vs. Jerramy Stevens' Special Place

As a last resort, and I mean only as a last resort, should you ever punch, kick, knee or...head butt, a man in his money maker.

But that's exactly what Tyler Brayton did to Jerramy Stevens. Knee, that is.

This has to be a party foul or a breaking of the man code or, I don't know, something. Shouldn't he be chugging till his ass implodes into a black hole? I know that's what we did in college. It's why I have no lower body, and half of the universe is missing.

13. Miami vs. Florida International

As was alluded to in the Andre Johnson slide, fighting in football seems pointless. Everybody is wearing a helmet and pads. What kind of damage do you think you can inflict?

Well, Anthony Reddick, sophomore safety from FIU, found a way. At 0:48 seconds in, you can see him charge in using his helmet as some kind of hammer. Apparently, he felt one of the Florida International player's heads was sticking out too far and was a health hazard.

10. Tyson vs. Lewis vs. Sanity vs. a White Reporter?

He has since seemed to return to normalcy, if indeed he was ever normal to begin with, but there was a time where "profanity-laced tirades," as CNN reporter Laura Okmin would say, were just a part of the Tyson package—which, by the way, he was grabbing.

Tyson easily was one of the angriest human beings to ever walk the face of this earth; just listen to all of the wonderful things he said to the reporters (one in particular) during the press conference.

He would later be knocked out in the eighth round versus Lewis, and boxing has continued to spiral downward ever since.

Good thing he never made good on his threat to eat children. As far as we know...

9. Shaq Diesel vs. Brad Miller

It's hard to see what exactly set this one off, but as far as I can tell, Shaq just loses his mind for minute. He throws a haymaker towards Miller that misses its mark, which is good because it probably would have left him in a coma.

Shaq can be a bit like a grizzly bear, which is kind of scary. One minute you're staring at it and you get that, "ah, it's so pretty" feeling. Then it comes out with Shaq Fu and your life's never the same. Plus, they're both ugly as hell, and Shaq Fu was actually kind of a cool game, so...

I honestly don't know what I was shooting for there.

By the way, did you recognize No. 15 on the Bulls? That's right, it's Ron Artest! Where he goes, violence isn't far behind.

8. Tennis Match Altercation: Pretty Boy vs. Lady and Grandpa

It's going down at the 2010 U.S. Open. I don't know about you guys, but when I think of tennis, I think of f-bombs, beer and grandpas getting shoved.

From what I gather, the woman is none too happy because super-cool pretty boy won't shut up during the tennis match. They exchange noises for a bit, then the woman's father slowly makes his way over and appears to want to strangle Pretty Boy.

The old man was no match, but he took Pretty Boy down into hell with him, otherwise known as the chairs in front of them.

Oh, and then security decided they were getting paid for a reason and separated everyone. Like I implied, it's tennis—you don't expect these things to happen.

Now let's forget about this whole thing and listen to Maria Sharapova make whatever the hell you want to call that noise she makes.

6. Junior Seau Gets Tackled by a Fan

Let's put ourselves in Junior Seau's shoes for a minute. You're wearing your Patriots jersey, mad chillin' with your single, curly hair hanging over your forehead, probably thinking about surfing and how much you hate driving when a crazy man wearing street clothes runs up and tackles you for no discernible reason.

For no discernible reason.

What would you do? Would you wish him a merry Christmas? Because that's what Seau did. A strange response to a strange act if you ask me.

As for the attacker, it was 31-year-old Todd Kobus, an Iraq war veteran. And that's about all that's known. Now let's look at girls jumping on trampolines.

5. Harvard and Yale Are at It Again

As I've shown you in a previous article, Harvard and Yale are some wicked smart pranksters.

That's exactly why no one expected a Yale student to go caveman and steal a flag from the Harvard cheerleaders. It was so simple that it was brilliant. That was until they tackled him and took it back.

Also unexpected.

This is exactly why one should think out the details of one's plans. You might just get embarrassed. Sometimes the cheerleaders fight back.

4. Don't Kiss Your Opponent on the Lips Before a Fight

You know how sometimes before a fight two boxers get in each others faces and it looks like they're going to kiss but we don't have to worry about that because that would be the last thing in the world that would happen. But what if one of them actually does kiss the other and he gets knocked out?

That's exactly what happens here. And I mean exactly.

Yoshihiro Nakao, for reasons I can't comprehend, kissed Heath Herring on the lips during the pre-fight staredown during MMA's K-1 Dynamite 2005 show, resulting in him knocking Nakao out on the spot.

Or, as Herring eloquently explains to the officials: "He kissed me on the lips like a homosexual—I'm not gay." I laugh. What does that statement imply? That he would have been cool with it if he was?

I guess you're not really thinking things through after just being kissed seconds before you're expected to punch and kick someone.

3. Uzzy's Not Dancing No More

Uzzy's dancing moves are second to none. Go right on ahead, take a minute to watch the video. Those giant shorts are wearing a human being, and his name is Uzzy, and from what I can tell he's sort of a boxer.

As if I had to tell you, Uzzy didn't win the fight. What tipped you off? Was it the dancing or his malnourished figure? Maybe he should have learned a lesson from LeBron James and realized that dancing and generally pissing your opponent off doesn't equal victory.

1. Soccer Official vs. Everyone

First, a question: How many jump kicks does it take to bring down a referee?

At least more than nine, because that's how many I counted in this video. You could argue that the referee is easily the least fit person on the field, yet not a single player can connect their foot to his face.

How is that possible? Are they angry or what? I'll tell you something about a jump kick—you have to commit. You can't just willy-nilly jump and fling your leg out; that's no good. You either want it or you don't.

They didn't want it.

And thus, we're left with a video of a referee running for his life. For the life of me, I'll never know why anybody would want to officiate a soccer game anywhere outside of America. It's not just that the players are crazy—the fans are too!

I don't know about you guys, but if I'm at work and someone tries to jump kick me, I'm re-evaluating my life. Is there a more sure sign that you need a career change?