My stuff. or Exspressing whatever you wanna call it.

Everything lost outta me

What is it that people saw in me?
A great guy? great smile, perfect?
I don't know what they saw,
they never saw the pain that I had,
They was never around when my eyes where dried out,
they wasnt there when they was red,
All the pain building up in me,
who knew that it would lead to this?
I thought it would be fine,
But I guess i was more crazier then I thought,

Preview of what I did.

It all built up in me,
I couldnt control it,
I tried my hardest,
next thing I knew was I was going crazy,
I thought I was an animal,
everything was in slow motion,
then two seconds later,

It all happened,

I can't explain how I felt after that,
the pain,
physicaly,
mentally,
I was to scared to care,
to scared to say anything,
to scared for anything and everything..

to be continued, of what happens next
and note this is real, not a fiction story i made up,
it was my real feelings.
COMMENT PLEASE?

The ending verses are too anti-climatic and doesn't ring in the person's mind. I
suggest using grammar, structure, imagery, figures of speech, to help you imbue the
message. By grammar I mean short verses for the verse to stand out, longer verses to
express pressing onward-ness, semicolons and hyphens as well to utilize all you can.