Enough Love for a Lifetime

Good morning and Happy Wednesday to all of you! As you read this, I am undergoing surgery, or just about to go in. The outcome is uncertain, but so is everything in life. I have cried a lot in the past few days, partly because everything seems to be happening so fast, and I might leave my wife without a husband and my sons without a father. It sickens me and hurts so bad just thinking about that, but it is for that very reason I am having this risky surgery; to increase my time with them and all of you.

The other reason I am brought to tears is I am worried about the possible impact that my sudden death will have on your outlook on life. I am worried you may lose hope, or be angry at God. The optimism and positive outlook from all of you and myself is very uplifting. However, I wonder sometimes if we all forget what the other real possibility is. It’s an awful thing to think about, but it may very well happen. I fear you may lose hope and strength should you be face with adversity. I feel so much is riding on my survival, but what would be a fulfilled survival time that we are all praying for? I have seen more than most at my age. I have experienced so much that life has to offer. I would love nothing more than to live a very long time, but I will have no regrets whenever God decides to call me home.

It is important for you not to lose your faith, love for life, or strength over a death of someone you love and care about. I do not want you to lose hope in life. Hope and God are what got me this far. Without them, I would have just given up.

Please realize I am happy. I am living my life more and more with each passing day. I do not know what it feels like to die, but I can tell you one thing, I know what it is like to truly live. It has been an amazing team effort to get me this far. It has been amazing sharing my life with you. Furthermore, it has been incredible to have you all share your lives with me. I love hearing about what makes your worlds go around. It makes us connected on a deep level; each and every one of us.

I fully expect to make it through surgery. It is important for you all to know that surgery will not be the end of my fight. No matter the extent of the resection of this disease, I will still be doing more chemo and radiation for a very long time. We are fighting against a formidable enemy. We must never give up!

On the other hand, I have always said I do not want any regrets from you or myself. Should I pass, I want there to be laughter at my funeral through the tears. I want there to be great stories of the very memories I speak of. I want you to remember the great times we have shared together. This is not a good-bye posting, but merely a way of not leaving anything on the table. At this point, I am a realist along with being an optimist. I understand both paths today can take.

With this said, I am staying true to form. I have written a letter to “each” of you explaining my feelings towards you. The reason it takes something like my journey to write these letters is beyond me. Why do we wait until it is almost to late? Why not do it once a month? It is more than just an I love you. It is a description that should make you cry and laugh at the same time because of the emotions it invokes. It did for me. Feel free to read all the letters, or just the one you feel pertains to you. It is important to me that you know how I feel about not only you, but everybody else sharing this ride with us. Each letter is free to be read by you all.

In closing, I love you all. Every beat of my heart is filled with love and strength to live another day, and spend that day with all of you. Thank you for giving me a complete life filled with love, memories, and happiness. Either way, I will see you on the other side. I love you.

14 Responses to Enough Love for a Lifetime

I love you too, my brother. More than you’ll ever know. You’ve taught me so much and I look up to you. Each and every night I kneel down by my bed and pray for you. You are a true fighter. As I’m sitting in the waiting room, know that I’m praying and fasting for you. I love you, man! Xoxo

Ohhhh my brother, I love you so, so, so much. Words cannot describe how much you mean to me.

God is using you in mighty ways, in ways you do not even know. On the flight here, i was able to share your story with the lady next to me who sat there and prayed for you as we took off, tears on her face. Your story opens ways to share about the Hope that we have in the Lord in ways that would otherwise be impossible.

You are a warrior. You are my BROTHER, and i am so honored to have you in my life. I’m praying the Father floods you with peace, with joy, with courage, with hope- not just you, but all of us.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:1, 5, 13, & 14

Just read your letter, THANK YOU! You are truly an amazing man and friend. We may have not hung out a lot, but I have admired you for a long time. It is truly awesome to see how much your wife, children and family love, support and are devoted to you. I will miss living accross from you and your family. I just hope my next neighbors have a family and lawn as beautiful as yours. I am blessed to have you in my life and I look forward to coming back to the neighborhood and visiting sometime soon. Love you and may God bless you all the days of your life. Your friend and brother in Christ.

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. — Isaiah 41:13

Life crashes in and we wish we could be children again and have someone to take care of us and protect us. Into our confused and chaotic world, God’s promise comes to us once again. Like a loving parent with a frightened child, God reaches out and takes hold of our hand and comforts us with his precious words: “Don’t be afraid. I’m here with you. I will help.” Even when he seems distant, the echo of this thought can remind us that we are never alone or forgotten (cf. Heb. 13:5-6).

Ryan, you have my word that if this outcome is not what we’ve all been praying for, I will not lose my faith or be angry at God. God has a plan for each of us and sometimes it may not be what we as humans would like or believe to be right, but it’s not our decision. I will continue to pray for you all day today and although I’ve never met you, or maybe once when you were little, you will forever be in my heart and I pray I get the chance to meet you again when all this is just a memory. You are an amazing man and I feel blessed just knowing you now and I truly believe you are going to make it through this. We all love you and are praying… you are in God’s hands now and there is no better place to be..

It was quite a miracle that our lives became connected, but it seems simple to understand under the umbrella of faith! You were meant to be a part of Bluebird, and on a more personal level, you were put in my life to keep me motivated to serve! My love and prayers are pouring out today… and I know that whatever God has planned, your life will continue being an inspiration and a hope FOREVER! In my heart, I truly believe that your work isn’t done here… so I am sticking with that thought! I can’t wait to read your next writing and see your next post. Your faith and positive energy are contagious and a motivator for ALL of us that know you. Love to you and Andrea and the boys today and every day!!! Renee

Did anyone ever tell you you should be a journalist? Your words are so impactful and it means a lot to not just me but I’m sure to everyone that you take the time to keep us all updated. I’ve grown to learn that ones true colors come out when they’re faced with adversity and you sir, are no exception. Your positivity and drive are something for us all to learn from. Through your journey, most everyone you’ve encountered along the way is surely a better person for simply having spent time with you. You are a beacon of hope and because of that, you give me such great confidence that things will go well today and you will continue to be the warrior that you are and will be with us for a long time to come. I love you, cousin. Here’s to a swift recovery.

My daughter-in-law is Kim Klaus and through her experience I have heard about you and others with this disease. My prayers are with you today and always to battle this disease with God’s help. I have put you on the prayer chain at our church so please know that you and your family & friends are in the prayers of a lot of people. God’s blessings and love to all of you.

The fact is, that you are in the hands of the Almighty, Merciful and Loving Father God. He knows your every need and He has a plan for you. No matter what the outcome is today, we give Him all honor and praise.
Our prayers go up on your behalf all day today.

I read Andrea’s blog before this. I am glad I did it that way because I am writing this through tears even knowing your surgery went so well. Those letters are amazing. You are amazing! You are going to beat this and continue to write and inspire people. You uplift me every time I read something you have written. Your honesty, integrity, humility, humor, and just everything about you is wonderful. I am so blessed to have met you las tyear, and to call you my friend. I continue to pray that things will go well and that you, too, will live a long and productive life where we can continue to be friends and do things like “have lunch” just because. I love you, Ryan!! xxoo BL