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Sunday, March 8, 2009

I don't know where Posterous will embed the attached image, so please use this link for reference, just in case. Anyhow, I saw this list of "Ways to Be Cool" apparently written by a kid at Cajun Boy's blog, but it's probably been around the Web a few times. Since I don't have anything heavy on my mind (for a general Web audience, that is), I'll compare myself to this kid's ideal of cool:

1. Motorcycles - No, sadly.2. Wear cologne - Not anymore.3. Move to Williamsburg - Why? Only the truly cool would know, I suppose.4. Learn to speak European - YES, I know a handful of European languages, enough to say "I don't understand," "I don't know," "Would you want a beer or a glass of wine?" and "In the hotel." One on the list so far. 5. Grow facial hair - It's a bit patchy, but it photographs sort of well. Make that two.6. Helmets - No.7. Mohawk - No.8. Designer shoes - No.9. Subscribe to Vice - No.10. Psychrock...? - I can do that. Psychadelic rock, perhaps? I guess that's three. 11. Leather jackets - I have a hand-me-down from the '80s. It's now four.12. Ambercroombie [sic] & Flitch [sic] - Quite possibly two of my favorite prostitutes. Otherwise, no.13. Learn to play guitar - I've done that. Five. 14. Irony - Sure. Six.15. Become a band photographer - I'm in the band, not the bloody photog.16. Wear all black - I've done that. Somewhat simplifies doing the laundry. Seven.17. "Hollywood" - I may run a film production company, but I don't buy the hype. 18. Online friendships - I have a few. Eight.19. 360's - I have no idea what this kid is trying to say.20. Make your own movie - Élan Vital and assorted other productions. Nine. 21. EXXXTREME (everything) - No. I am ashamed.22. Eat more meat - I've been eating less recently.23. Hang out w/ Steve - EPIC FAIL on my behalf.

I'm not cool at all, only scoring 9 out of 23. Even more uncool is that I used a calculator to estimate the percentage, which is about 39%.