Arrr! See CONTENTS for links to the 125 chapters of The Monstaville Memoirs plus introductions, conclusions, postscripts and appendices. This treasure trove also includes a collection of articles offering further insights into the themes explored in the trilogy. Namely, managing suffering and conflict (dealing with hostile people if you are nervous, sensitive or shy) and learning not to react

Pages

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

Monstaville Book II. Chapter 44

44

"A man should be proud of suffering.
All suffering is a reminder of our high estate.”

- Hermann Hesse (Steppenwolf).

Pigsy spent two years trying to find
my weakness so he could get to me. My only weakness was depression, so his
presence forced me to fight my depression and exercise my will; that is, not to
commit suicide but to survive and win.

"Depression is a lot like that:
slowly, over the years, the data will accumulate in your heart and mind, a
computer program for total negativity will build into your system, making life
feel more and more unbearable. But you won't even notice it coming on, thinking
that it is somehow normal, something about getter older, about turning eight or
about turning twelve or turning fifteen, and then one day you realise that your
entire life is just awful, not worth living, a horror and a black blot on the
white terrain of human existence. One morning you wake up afraid you are going
to live." – Elizabeth Wurtzel (Prozac
Nation. Young and Depressed in America: A Memoir, Riverhead Books, New
York, U.S., 1995).

It is reasonable to assume,
whichever way you look at it, that my depression, my self-sabotage, attracted
Pigsy into my life. I'm sure it was a necessary experience. It's better to be
scratched by the cat so you can learn to avoid the tiger! It reminds me of Chet
Baker walking up those stairs to score coke or heroin back in the 60s (back
when I was born, for, to some extent, I am a product of those times). In Bruce
Weber’s documentary Let’s Get Lost (1989),
made just before Chet kicked the bucket (or, according to reports, fell out of
a window, mysteriously) at the age of 58, he explains that he kept his hand in
his pocket pretending to have a gun in an attempt to protect himself from a
malevolent-looking character who was standing there. Nothing happened that
night but he would have been wise never to have returned. Compelled by his
addiction, of course, he did (if my memory of the film is correct). A gang of
black thugs were sent to beat him up, possibly targeting his mouth, the most
important thing to him, although all but one of his teeth had rotted due to
substance abuse anyway, however, and it may only have taken one or two punches
to reduce them to stubs. Chet says he took refuge in a parked car but the white
guys inside kicked him out and drove off leaving him at the mercy of his
attackers. The incident pretty much destroyed him, his life and his success as
the great musical talent he was although he did recover enough to keep going. A
romantic, tragic figure if ever there was one, Chet Baker, the ‘James Dean of
Jazz,’ was evidently too sensitive for this world. In the film, he described being
hungry and cold as ‘boring.’ Apparently, he went AWOL after a few months in the
army, stationed in the desert (Arizona). He couldn't cope and sat in a trance
for hours on end so they gave him shock treatment or something and he tried to
figure out how to escape from both that and the army. After he deserted,
however, he was declared unfit for military service and given a discharge
anyway so he left legitimately as it turned out: 'unable to adjust to army
life.'

“Chet Baker's life of beauty and
pain ended twenty years ago tonight on an Amsterdam sidewalk. He may have
killed himself. That is unlikely, in my opinion. He may have fallen from his
hotel window. He may have been thrown or pushed. Either way, as hard as Baker
was on nearly everyone else in his life, he was even harder on himself. Far
from the first gifted artist to burn himself out, Chet did it rather slowly
compared with Charlie Parker, Bix Beiderbecke, Oscar Wilde and Edgar Allan Poe.
It is a tribute to the toughness of his Oklahoma country genes that despite
decades of self-abuse, he lived nearly fifty-eight years.” – Doug Ramsey (13
May 2008, www.artsjournal.com/rifftides/2008/05/chet_baker_twenty_years.html).

Chet was familiar with the natural
high produced through music and I guess he just wanted to be high all the time.
And, of course, to escape from this harsh world. The desire to escape from this
world, this unbearably dull and often harsh environment, led him, ironically,
into some nightmarish circumstances (he served a prison sentence in Italy
during the early 60s for possession as well). He wanted out…or, rather, ‘up.’ I
sympathise!
[Retrospective note: Taking drugs is a response to the craving to go home to the Mother Goddess, as
St. Germain says. In other words, to return to infinite consciousness, to feel
whole, euphoric and at peace. Yet, there is no escape. There is only an
eventual shift from resistance to transcendence. Acceptance of what is, again
ironically, opens us to receive more of what we crave.]

I had been seriously suicidal and
actually started praying for death to simply take me out of the life I was
stuck with. All I seemed to have in life was what I didn’t want. I was not
coping with the haters next door very well and I had lost and been deprived of
so much that was important to me. I would rather have died although I would
never accept long-term suffering, like ‘not quite dying,’ as an alternative.
That was not the point! It is surely an interesting subject. When we desire
something, or ask the universe, or God, for something, we receive something
similar in nature but actually nothing like what we wanted in reality. We
wanted pleasure, or relief, but we might find that all the universe makes
available to us is the same brew without the sweetness. All we get is the
bitter ‘medicine’ which is probably designed to kill our desire and silence our
prayers. Anyway, ‘death’ did not happen. The pressures of living in an even
worse environment than I had endured previously could have thrown me over the edge,
justifying suicide. Alas, even though I did go over the edge on several
occasions and did continue to feel suicidal at times, I also responded to the
challenge in the way that the cosmos expected.

I suppose that I did rise to the
challenge in my own silent way. I chose to live. I decided to cope the best I
could and I applied myself to winning the war in my own time, searching for
answers, adjusting my attitude and training my mind so that if there was a way
to oust the brute I would eventually find and execute it. Even on the night of
the knife incident, Mr. Pig was not seriously going to kill me and I would not
have accepted being killed, at least not in that way, but perhaps by any means
really. The attack was designed to scare me into moving out or, if I did not,
to give him power over a vulnerable person who could do nothing about the
situation...until I moved out eventually and left him to buy the house from the
landlord. And, so, rather than facing death (release), it was my own fears
(suffering) that I was forced to face. Life’s a bitch...and then you die!

“No man...cuts another man’s throat
unless he wants to cut it, and unless the other man wants it cut. This is a
complete truth. It takes two people to make a murder: a murderer and a murderee.
And a murderee is a man who is murderable. And who is murderable is a man who
in a profound if hidden lust desires to be murdered.” - D.H. Lawrence (quoted
in The Politics of Self-Determination by
Timothy Leary, Ronin Publishing, CA., U.S.,
2000, p.27).

During the summer before the knife
episode, I had gone to stay with an old friend, whom I hadn’t seen for many
years (save a recent reunion), for a few days. We went to a party in a squat
one night and, apparently, the people who were expected to go weren’t there but
some other people had turned up, or gatecrashed. I sat talking to a girl for a
long time until her boyfriend (who I didn’t know was her boyfriend!) decided it
was time to go. I wandered into the main room in the house where most of the
‘party people’ were and sat on a stool to talk to some other people. At some
point a blond-haired guy from York
stood behind me and shook my shoulder roughly, saying ‘hello.’ I ignored him,
instantly writing him off as someone I did not wish to respond to. Soon after,
he made himself the centre of attention by performing his party piece which
amounted to singing various songs to which he had learned the words
off-by-heart. My friend was praising him along with everyone else. I was tired
and bored, couldn’t stand the guy, and wanted to go home. It was very late and
I had to wait for my friend since I was relying on him for a place to sleep. I
opted to sit quietly and discreetly at the other end of the large sofa. I
closed my eyes at some point and meditated. Mistake! My chakras all open in
this atmosphere of hooligan-worship!

I was tired but deeply relaxed and
at some point I felt something touching my earholes, then realised what was
happening. Some violent force surfaced from deep within me and I thought, ‘I’m
going to kill them.’ The minute I opened my eyes, I held my thumbs and fingers
either side of their throats, lightly but threateningly, tempted to squeeze. I
could imagine doing it vividly and was ready to go through with it, but my
intention was simply to warn them. Needless to say, they quickly backed away
and stood up. I told the blonde-haired ‘lad’ on my left quite simply that, in
another age, I would have crushed his windpipe, demonstrating the sharp
procedure with my hand, snapping my thumb and fingers together. I added that
the only reason I did not kill him was that I didn’t want to end up in jail!
[It is likely that I plucked this out of a film stored in my memory somewhere.
I noticed that Al Pacino announces, ‘”I’ll bust your windpipe” in a fit of rage
when provoked by his smarmy nephew” in Scent
of a Woman, when I watched it again recently. Love that film].

The other guy looked at me
maliciously after that. I was clearly aware of the threat of being beaten up by
these two men but just continued to ignore them. I looked at him confidently in
the eye with my inner power hoping he would get the message that I could defend
myself (even though I probably couldn’t!). Besides, this was a private party
and such a fight would involve others. It would have been quickly stopped, I’m
sure.

“I
love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” - Ernest Hemingway.

Dwight Frye in The Bride of Frankenstein

I explained what had happened to my
friend on the way home and he threw a fit. I thought he was angry about what
they had done but, no, it turned out that he was furious with me for not going
along with the fun!! I haven’t spoken to him since! He told me that he felt
that he accepted chaos more than me! Britain and its cruel ways: no, I
am not such a docile feudal subject as many who live here appear to be. I
believe in individuality. [Retrospective note: Following this incident, I had
engaged in some loose conversation with one of the scallywags, not that I
responded wholeheartedly and the energy remained volatile, with the prospect of
a fight still on the cards. At some point, probably not long before we left, he
asked, ‘Are you happy?’ The question didn’t register until later. It was
delivered in a vaguely condescending tone and I only picked up on the intent
behind it with my usual delayed
intuition. Was I happy? No, not really. No. ‘Why? Is that a good enough reason
for someone like you to behave like a shit?’].

Perhaps he was one of those
fire/water guys whose need for attentive response found my integrity and
introverted sense of freedom and space too much of a threat to his personal
belief in co-dependence as a disguise for feeling safe or powerful. Indeed,
perhaps both he and my neighbours have clashed with me as a reminder that my
own emotional baggage have been preventing me from achieving a state of peace
and contentment. Whatever anger and feelings of insecurity I have had have been
stuffed into a secure locker within my unconscious. I perceive those kinds of
men to be inherently feminine in nature - as though they have incarnated most
often as women or they are essentially female spirits and are exploring more
masculine qualities in this present lifetime. I’m a very male spirit who,
although I have a male body again in this life, have been rendered
over-emotional by my childhood. Keeping my emotions in and not having to
express or deal with them seems natural to me. I admit that I have found them to
be a nuisance and it is only now, at the end of this crisis and process of
transformation, that I recognise the need to nurture and express my feelings.

Simply acknowledging how I feel is
quite a liberating experience because I am extending my awareness – and
compassion – to a part of myself that I simply ignored (and exploited) for many
years. In fact, if the truth be known, I am consciously bonding with my Inner
Child as recommended by my therapist (and also inspired by Jelaila Starr’s
articles on the subject)! As a result, I am feeling a new sense of wholeness
and feel freer than I did when I was bent on freedom at any price – because
what I failed to realise was that I was sacrificing my very soul. That is a
crippling price to pay for a necessarily limited type of freedom in which
emotions are simply buried underground (they turn into zombies sooner or later
and stalk us in the shadows: Night of the Living Dead!). At least, I got away
with it for a certain length of time and did most certainly enjoy my freedom
but could not sustain that condition forever. Sooner or later, the Great Crash
was going to arrive and I wouldn’t have the energy or resources to deal with
it. I’d be forced to pay more attention to my emotional needs, slowly scrape
myself off the floor and integrate that side of myself if I was to have any
hope of staying afloat, of enjoying or coping with life.

“I’ve got a really violent
temper and I like booze and so, you know, shit’s gonna happen...I don’t get
fuckin’ pissed at anybody for no reason. If somebody’s fuckin’ kickin’ me in
the fuckin’ nuts...then I’m gonna bash your fuckin’ head in...I would never
hurt anybody...go out of my way to bully anybody. I never bully anybody. I hate
bullies. Bullies are fuckin’ pussies. I’m a bully crusher. You fuck with me,
you know, I’ll be the first one to go in the schoolyard and go, ‘Why don’t you
pick on somebody your own size? Who the fuck are you? What are you gonna do
about it? Well, you’re about to find out. Leave the little guy alone.’ You know
what I mean? I never...I’m always about helping people. I would never pick on
anybody or do anything like that. Ever. That’s an asshole fuckin’ move man, you
know? I mean, you know, like, with Black Label, if a man doesn’t fuckin’ bleed
and he doesn’t cry you don’t trust him. He ain’t a fuckin’ man. You know what I
mean? He ain’t got fuckin’ balls, so fuck that. You know what I mean? You don’t
haze people. You don’t pick on people, beat ‘em up. You don’t do that shit. You
know, someone tries to haze me? I go, ‘Yeah. Hey you motherfucker c’mon. You
know you motherfuckers better kill me ‘cause I tell you right now, after your
fucking five of yous get done kickin’ my ass I’m gonna kill every one of you
motherfuckers. I’ll just make sure, when you’re walking home to your house, I’ll
just jump out of the bush with a baseball bat and break every fuckin’ goddamn
bone in your fuckin’ body. And then I’ll bite your dick and balls off and [?]
them in your mouth.” - Ozzy guitarist and Black Label Society frontman Zakk
Wylde (from a YouTube video posted by gladheads on 10 march 2008 titled ‘Is
Zakk Wylde a Hellraiser?’).

In addition to this incident, only
two or three months after Pigsy’s knife hovered at my throat, a confrontation
with yet another psychopath occurred. I was friendly with some girls who worked
in a bar with which the company employing me did business. At closing time,
they invited me to join them as they headed off to a lapdancing club in the
city, with one of their wealthy clients footing the bill. I went along out of
curiosity (I think I had been to Stringfellows with a friend once before that).
At some stage, one of the girls told me she was feeling scared because a guy on
a nearby table was staring at her constantly. Shortly after I looked over in
his direction to see who it was, he came over to talk to her. I tried to mind
my own business as I listened to him telling her beautiful she was. Then he
tried to persuade her to strip naked and pole-dance! I don’t even think it
would have been allowed but, anyway she was trying to get rid of him and he was
persisting. So, eventually, I turned round and told him she wasn’t interested
and that he should go back to his table. I was completely shocked by his
reaction. I ought to have expected it, probably! He exploded in my face,
shouting at me like someone possessed by a demon. He said it wasn’t any of my
business and it was not for me to tell him what he should and shouldn’t do. I
said nothing, just nodded my head calmly in disapproval. The venomous violence
of it had penetrated me, however. He sat back at his table and looked at me
occasionally in a menacing way. The guy he was with was a giant bodybuilder! I
was scared of something happening on our way out and was determined to relax
and not let someone like that spoil our evening. I calmed my fears with the
prospect of getting into a cab while the club’s door men were present, which is
what happened.

“I have never learned anything
wrong. In the penitentiary, I have never found a bad man. Every man in the
penitentiary has always showed me his good side, and circumstances put him
where he was. He would not be there, he is good, human, just like the policeman
that arrested him is a good human. I have nothing against none of you. I can't
judge any of you. But I think it is high time that you all started looking at
yourselves, and judging the lie that you live in. I sit and I watch you from
nowhere, and I have nothing in my mind, no malice against you and no ribbons
for you.” - Charles Manson (to the Court, 19 November 1970, www.mansondirect.com/transa.html).

Charles Manson, Political Prisoner and American Folk Hero

"When you plant lettuce, if it
does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not
doing well. It may need fertiliser, or more water, or less sun. You never blame
the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the
other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well,
like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to
persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no
reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show
that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change." - Thich
Nhat Hanh.

"The
act of judgement is an act of pride. It involves looking to our own store of
knowledge, putting together a few facts, figures or fancies, and coming up with
some sort of answer or solution to a given problem or situation. All too often
it is the wrong solution or answer, and because of pride, we refuse to correct
course.

Judging others is an act of
monumental pride ‑ enormous pride, stupendous pride, galling, astonishing,
fantastic pride. This should be understood. When you render judgement on
another, you have taken upon yourself an awesome responsibility for making the
correct judgement. Because, after all, your judgement is not necessary.

All
things, big and small, invite your judgement. The condition of the weather,
political matters, the taste of your food, a television program ‑ at every
moment of the day, something or other is inviting your judgement of it. And so
often, and so willingly, you render it, without being aware of the
consequences, without taking care of the responsibilities entailed.

You
judge, and then to make matters worse, you believe in your judgement. You've
looked at the evidence, you've made a judgement ‑ it must be right! There
couldn't possibly be any other conclusion to arrive at but the one you've
chosen, could there?

What
you don't see, don't understand, is that your judgement leads to suffering ‑
your own suffering. It does not touch the person judged; he or she is free of
you and your thoughts and your judgements. You cannot change their behaviour by
even a hair's breadth by your judgement."

“I
was released from the penitentiary and I learned one lesson in the
penitentiary, you don't tell nobody nothing. You listen. When you are little
you keep your mouth shut, and when someone says, ‘Sit down,’ you sit down
unless you know you can whip him, and if you know you can whip you stand up and
whip and you tell him to sit down. Well, I pretty much sat down. l have learned
to sit down because I have been whipped plenty of times for not sitting down
and I have learned not to tell people something they don't agree with. If a guy
comes up to me and he says, ‘The Yankees are the best ball team,’ I am not
going to argue with that man. If he wants the Yankees to be the best ball team,
it's okay with me, so I look at him and I say, ‘Yeah, the Yankees are a good
ball club.’ And somebody else says, ‘The Dodgers are good.’ I will agree with
that; I will agree with anything they tell me. That is all I have done since I
have been out of the penitentiary. I agreed with every one of you. I did the
best I could to get along with you, and I have not directed one of you to do
anything other than what you wanted to do.

I have always said this: You do what
your love tells you and I do what my love tells me. Now if my love tells me to
stand up there and fight I will stand up there and fight if I have to. But if
there is any way that my personality can get around it, I try my best to get
around any kind of thing that is going to disturb my peace, because all I want
is to be just at peace, whatever that takes. Now in death you might find peace,
and soon I may start looking in death to find my peace. I have reflected your
society in yourselves, right back at your‑selves, and each one of these young
girls was without a home. Each one of these young boys was without a home. I
showed them the best I could what I would do as a father, as a human being, so
they would be responsible to themselves and not to be weak and not to lean on
me. And I have told them many times, I don't want no weak people around me.

If you are not strong enough to
stand on your own, don't come and ask me what to do. You know what to do. This
is one of the philosophies that everyone is mad at me for, because of the
children. I always let the children go. ‘You can't let the children go down
there by themselves.’ I said, ‘Let the children go down. If he falls, that is
how he learns, you become strong by falling.’ They said, ‘You are not supposed
to let the children do that. You are supposed to guide them.’ I said, ‘Guide
them into what? Guide them into what you have got them guided into? Guide them
into dope? Guide them into armies?’ I said, ‘No, let the children loose and
follow them.’ That is what I did on the desert. That is what I was doing,
following your children, the ones you didn't want, each and every one of them.
I never asked them to come with me - they asked me."

Dick: I don’t know. It’s an odd situation
in my body. Oorrrgh! Who the hell does that stupid psychopath think he is
anyway?

[Dick sinks
into a demonic posture with an evil expression on his face]

Harry: [Worried] Dick?

Dick: I have a plan!

Sally: Remember, we’re not allowed to
liquefy humans.

Dick: OK. I have another plan.

Tommy Solomon (Joseph Gordon-Levitt): No, that’s
it. I’m invoking the supreme directive. I’ll need witnesses. [Sits in a chair
while the other two position Dick on his lap]

Dick: What is it?

Tommy: I want you to remember who you are.

Dick: I’m the High Commander.

Tommy: And what is the High Commander’s
oath?

Dick: As High Commander, I vow to handle
all problems with strength and deliberation. I will strive to understand other
life forms. I will avoid aggression and make peace with all who piss me off.

[The
Solomons go round to see Frank in his garage].

Frank: What are you doing here?

Sally: Dick.

Dick: We’ve come to apologise and make a
peace offering.

Frank: Oh, so, the great professor offers
the lowly chump a present and makes it better.

Harry: That’s what we’re hoping. [Nods]

[They show
Frank the present and Dick describes it]

Frank: [Pointing at them] Look, you can
talk down to me. You can wake me up at three in the morning, but you can’t buy
me off. [He tells them to get out. Then Sally confronts Frank, telling him that
Dick is apologising]

Dick: Now, now, now, now, now, we are not
going to sink down to his level.

Frank: ‘My level’! Haha. You people always
go straight to the snob stuff.

Frank: Get your hands off me! I don’t like it! [Pointing angrily at
Frank as he says each word]

Dick: Please don’t do that [Politely but
with his fists clenched, turning away]

Frank: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about
it? [Pushing Dick’s back repeatedly with both hands] Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Egghead! Brainiac!

[Dick turns
and punches Frank in the face, knocking him to the ground]

Tommy: Dick, I am so disappointed in you.

Dick: I don’t know what happened. I just
lost control.

Tommy: Yeah, well, you hurt a human!

Harry: We are in so much trouble. What if
he talks?

Sally: He won’t if we finish him off.

Dick: Oh, w-w-w-this is awful!

Tommy: Yeah, well, you should feel awful
pal!

Dick: But, I don’t. I feel better. And
powerful! This is why people have friends – so they can hit them! This is incredible.
It’s the best I’ve ever felt! [Frank gets up off the floor and punches Dick
back. Dick is stunned!] Well, there’s the downside. [Falls to the ground]

Later [Frank goes round to see Dick,
telling Sally and his wife it’s ‘guy’s stuff’ on the way]

Frank: So, ah, how you doin’?

Dick: I’m swollen, thank you.

Frank: [Laughs] So am I.

Dick: [Gets up out of his chair] Why are
you suddenly so civil

Frank: Now we understand each other’s
boundaries. I mean, you know my limits, I know your limits and now we can
respect each other.

Tommy: Wait, let me see if I can get this
straight. In order to achieve each other’s respect, you had to resort to
violent confrontation. Now, doesn’t that strike you as stupid? [Looks baffled].

Frank: Kids, huh?

Dick: They don’t understand the world.

Frank: So, we’re still friends? [They shake
hands].

Dick: [Smiling] Sure. [Frank places his
hand on Dick’s shoulder and Dick is affected emotionally and gives him a big
hug] Oh God!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Important topic

Did you know that this is the 12th and lowest universe in our multiverse and that it is founded on the energies of fear and suffering which were not resolved in the 11th?

Karma & Emotions

This e-book explores the opportunity for releasing deep emotional blockages from the past that crisis presents and the notion that this process of self-healing is an essential aspect of spiritual ascension (click the picture for more info & free pdf download)

What is, is; how we react is up to us!

"Life is 10 percent of what you make it and 90 percent of how you take it." - Irving Berlin.

☠

Visit my website: Antraeus.com

About Me

Born on 25 November 1965 and currently living in Yorkshire, England. I write songs and books and have a website that serves as a platform for my work as well as being an Ascension resource. The Treasure Chest displays all chapters of The Monstaville Memoirs trilogy as well as further insights from various sources relating to the themes of these books. The Powerlessness of Now reveals the many ways in which we have given our power away to the Establishment through its web of control.

“Someone asked, ‘Why is there suffering?’ [Meher] Baba gave this succinct reply: ‘Suffering is essential for the elimination of the ego, just as it was necessary for you to scrub and scrub in order to wash the stain from my coat.’" - Unkown.

Facebook Page

Translate

Search this blog

Subscribe to

Follow by Email

Let your faith be bigger than your fear!

“Strong souls aren't just born. They are built by forging through the most challenging perils in life and still having the ability to shine.“ – Anon.

Blog fonts

Refresh page for web fonts to appear if you're seeing only Times Roman hideousness.
To optimise the browsing experience for mobile blog viewers, Blogger serves a streamlined version of the blog page, which, among other resources, omits web fonts.

"Pain is inevitable...but misery is optional. We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy." – Tim Hansel.

Disclaimer

I mean no copyright infringement by the posting of pictures, videos, etc. on this website. I do not in any way claim the rights of ownership to any of them. They totally remain the property of their respective owners. I have posted them purely for entertainment purposes. All written content, unless otherwise noted as being quotes or articles by other people, has been written and copyrighted by me. You are welcome to share any of my own work providing you include my name as the author, the title of the excerpt, if any, and preferably my website address as well (www.antraeus.com). Thanks

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”- Joseph Campbell.