October 10, 2009

The criminal complaint alleges [Julia E. Laack, 36] stole a bag of beef jerky and a lighter at a convenience store Thursday afternoon. Police went to her home. The complaint said she refused to come to the door and began screaming and swearing at three children in her house, telling one that the incident was all his fault.

Police entered and tried to calm her down. With her children present, the complaint said, she stripped to her underwear and told the officers they couldn't arrest her because she would be naked.

Laack struggled with the officers as they tried to arrest her, the complaint alleged, kicking one in the groin and spitting in the mouth of another.

While in the squad car on the way to the police station, the complaint said, Laack exposed her buttocks against the rear window.

A friend of mine was arrested in Hawaii and dragged out of his hotel room stark naked. It's an incredibly funny story and I ask him to tell it whenever we're together and around new people. At the time he was traveling with a felon on stolen bank money but he didn't know anything about that. The felon was gay and my friend wasn't yet twenty. I split my sides laughing whenever I can get him to recount the details. The part that gets me is he was left high and dry on an island with only his ... er ... natural resources.

Googling says she applied to the city of Sheboygan for a Taxi Driver License, which they declined because her drivers license was scheduled to be taken away because of an OWI (cheesehead for DUI). Plus she was scheduled for a Section 51 committment, which indicates she wasn't wrapped too tight which we already kinda knew.

The father of her children violated the Nelson Algren rule never to sleep with anyone with troubles worse than your own.