So, in order to make our money go further, I have decided I should give up parking at work and find parking elsewhere. However, this requires getting up early, and as we all should know by this point, I am not a morning person, but usually when I set my mind to something ….I can accomplish it. So, here’s what happened.

On our car trip home this weekend:

Me: I am totally getting up early tomorrow to get a good spot at work and workout!

Hubby: Uh huh, sure.

Me: WHAT! I can get up early!

Hubby: How early?

Me: Ummm I think an hour earlier than I usually do, so 4:30 maybe.

Hubby: HAAAA HAAA HAAA THAT will never happen.

Me: Rude! I can totally do it to save us money.

Fastforward to yesterday morning 5:45am…

Didn’t make that 4:30 wake up call yet…..I think I will try for tomorrow….maybe.

Well, almost. I mean I do have a flair for the dramatic, just a little.

I do admit that I have a lot of crazy traits–obsessive deleting, inability to cook pasta, screaming NOT IT in the middle of conversations with the Hubby, deafness (only when I hear something I don’t want to do), and I suppose I am a bit quirky. BUT these are all things Hubby loves about me…right Hubby?

But, I just CAN’T.STOP.TEXTING. I admit it. I am obsessed.Rather than pick up the phone (EVER) I just text. Everyone, everwhere, all the time. This is where we get into the “ruining my marriage” part. The BILL. Not pretty people, not pretty AT ALL.

Me (trying to hide the Sprint bill, miserably failing)

Hubby: What have you got there?

Me: Hmmm you aren’t going to like it. My cell bill.

Hubby: How much did you go over THIS time? I mean you HAVE 1000 texts! I have 200 and I never go over!

Me (in true addict form): I know, but it isn’t enough, it is just NOT ENOUGH…really; I promise not to do it next time (all lies, mind you)

Hubby (sighing heavily): Do you have to text so much? Why don’t you just call people?

Me: Because I HATE talking to people. Texting is in and out… I don’t have to talk and if I am bored…I can just stop texting. You should blame my cousin for teaching me!

Hubby (exasperated): BUT, you always text back; it is like you ALWAYS have to have the last word!

Me (still in denial): They must have messed it up somewhere….right? I know…I know…..it is a serious problem! Do you think they have a Texter’s Anonymous?

Me (inspired by genius): I know! We should just pitch a “texting only” plan to the cell company….do you think they would go for it? That is what I need!

We were offended by your recent belief that we were plotting to kill you. Let us remind you, that we have been with you longer than that stupid dog, who whines and tattles more than she guards the house. She is just a whiny tattle tale looking for attention.

I mean really, you think we would want to kill you? Our only food source? Are you guys crazy?

We thought you should know the truth. We have been on the computer occasionally, but the reason is not what that stupid mutt suggested (we have NO IDEA why that site was bookmarked, but we think Patches was setting us up). However, we were merely trying to pull our share in helping with the family finances. We came up with a great idea to make some money. We think you will be very pleased with this idea.

We have decided to sell Patches, just think how much money you will save in Busy Bones alone! We think we are genious and will soon create a business to assist other families in need.

With all the hype in the news lately with it being “rough times,” Hubby and I couldn’t get over the news stories on the girl selling her virginity and the guy trying to sell his 14 year old daughter for beer and meat. I mean times are tough, people! So, I completely understand where they are coming from…..I think.

So, Hubby and I thought we should jump on this bandwagon, while the market is HOT!

Me: Can you believe all these stories?

Hubby: No. I know, maybe we should sell you.

Me: Good idea. I have no idea what the ad could say, but maybe something like Rent-a-wife or something and we should start the bid at 1 million dollars! ( I am totally worth it..stop laughing)

Hubby: Yea, but like only for one night cause I think I would miss you.

(Gotta love that Hubby….see he still loves me!)

Thinking to myself…I have no idea what this ad would say? Maybe something like:

Wife for Rent: Think I love Lucy…must have LOTS of patience. She doesn’t cook, usually feigns cleaning, and exclaims NOT IT whenever she wants to get out of chores (which is most of the time). Has no skills. Cannot sew, rarely does laundry, and belches a lot. Not really sure what she is good for, that is why I am selling her. Make me an offer. Comes AS IS. Have to rent out to make bill payments and to be able to buy beer. But, willing to negotiate because times are tough and her income is needed.