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} You have clearly missed the point. Everything you need to answer the} question is right there before your eyes, if you will but look.}} Consider:}} The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.} The answer is blowing in the wind.}} Now, there are four winds, and "wind" occurs twice ==> 8} There are fifty ways to leave your lover ==> 50} Three rings for the elven kings ==> 3} Ooops, wait, that's part of the wrong answer, sorry ==> -3} Omnia Gallia est divisa in partas tres ==> 3} And it's no, no, a thousand times no,} I'd rather see my life's blood spillin'} I'll sing anything, even "God save the king,"} But I won't sing any Bob Dylan. ==> -1000} ====} TOTAL: -939}} Hmm, that can't be right. Where did I go wrong?} (Checks notes, recalculates, scratches head.)} Oh, I see! The solution is very elegant. Assume:}} A = the number of roads a man must walk down before you can call him a} man. B = the number of seas a white dove must sail before she sleeps in} the sand. C = the number of times cannonballs must a-fly before they're} forever banned.}} The key insight here is that THE SAME ANSWER applies to all three} quantities. Therefore, A + B + C = W, the answer in the wind.}} W = 8, as above. There are seven seas, so B = 7. Cannonballs are} completely obsolete, and no longer used in warfare, so C = 0. Thus:}} A + 7 + 0 = 8}} A, the number of roads a man must walk down, is 1. It just happens to} be a very long one. Proof (from fractal geometry) of the impossibility} of ever finishing this task is left as an exercise to the reader.}} You owe The Oracle another Sinead O'Connor dartboard. The old one's} just about had it.

> I have a Tandon 486/25 SLII that I intend placing on it's side rather> than it's base. I am pretty sure that this is ok, but what does the> collective intelligence think of this? The computer is on loan so I> want to be absolutely instead of just pretty.>> IBM used to explicitly suggest it to their PC owners to the extent that> if you look at the IBM label on the early PC's it was possible to turn> it round through 90 degrees so that you could still read it erect (the> logo, not you). I bet that bit into the profit margins.>> Putting it on it's side has the advantage that it makes it a lot> quieter which is good, and particularly important to one regular user.

} If you truly wish to be absolutely rather than just pretty, I recommend} you stop washing with yoghurt and use 98% ethanol instead. Yoghurt is} very good for being pretty, but to be absolutely requires alcohol.}} As far as your computer goes, putting it on it's side will not damage} it, so long as you turn it very slowly and gently, in order to allow} the small colony of gnomes who have taken up residence inside your} harddisk to adjust to their new environment.}} Rotating your machine too quickly could lead to data loss when those} gnomes who are more prone to seasickness might throw up over your boot} sector. You should also take care not to drop the machine in the} process of rotating it, else one or two particularly adventurous gnomes} might get wedged under the read/write heads and cause a crash on next} boot up.}} Accidents like these are the major cause of hardware disk faults, data} corruption and gnome death in this country. Take care that it doesn't} happen to you, and don't die of ignorance.}} You owe the Oracle a 424Mb SCSI disk with 10ms max seek time.

} It is a common misconception that there are words in a dictionary.} There are only meta-words, or words used as words rather than words used} for their meanings. Of course, there are word-words on the title page,} but you don't mean them. There are also words used in the definitions,} but they are not meta-words or word-words. Instead, they are} meta-meaning words, or words used for the meaning of their meanings,} rather than used for their meanings. So the answer to your question is} none.

> Oh all-powerful Oracle, who could *ZOT* all the network corporate scum> at will, please answer your poor supplicant's query:>> How come garbage like Babylon 5, Time Trax, and Journey to the Center> of the Earth came to be aired? Do they have no mercy? Could you see to> it that we are not subjected to such tortue in the future? Oh and while> you're at it please make Star Trek's Alexander die a horrible death.> (s)

} Well, there's little we can do to the CEOs, other than... well, heck,} let's give it a try. I'll just dial up the Supreme Being...}} [ring]} [ring]}} God: Hello?} Me: It's me, Sir, the Oracle. A supplicant called today with a neat} idea.} God: Indeed! What was it?} Me: He seems to want network programmers to produce *good* science} fiction.} God: Impossible! I tried that years ago with high school teachers.} Not a chance.} Me: That's what I thought. Just figured I'd check... Thanks, anyway.} God: No problem.}} Sorry! Impossible, you heard Him. Try turning to FOX, though. That} Bundy chick is mighty hot.}} You owe the Oracle the original tapes of Lost In Space.

> Yeah, Mr. Oracle? This is Thom Dewey, from Dewey Stickem & Howe?> Yeah, yeah, that's us. Well, look, that dame? Her lawyer called back,> and he said that the blood test matched and they're going to make a> motion for a DNA sample. Yeah, I know, they can do that now. It's> pretty accurate, Mr. Oracle. I can fight the motion, but I don't know> if we'll win...are you SURE you were giving a speech in Missoula at the> time? The prosecution is going to try and pull that> omnipotent-beings-can-be-in-two-places-at-once stuff again, you know?> This is almost as bad as that little Southern number last year. I> know, I KNOW, I shouldn't have mentioned it. I'm sorry, Mr. Oracle.> Look, all she wants in child support; if we pay her off, it won't go to> court and Lisa will never know. Do you think we should cut a deal?

} Thom, don't worry about it. I've looked into the matter, and, being an} omnipotent being, have rectified the situation. The DNA from me won't} match up. As a matter of fact, the only person whose DNA _will_ match} up is her lawyer. Funny how that works. Bring that up at the next} meeting.}} You owe the Oracle a judicial precedent for suing God, plus a way of} collecting damages.

> Yeah, Mr. Oracle? This is Thom Dewey, from Dewey Stickem & Howe?> Yeah, yeah, that's us. Well, look, that dame? Her lawyer called back,> and he said that the blood test matched and they're going to make a> motion for a DNA sample. Yeah, I know, they can do that now. It's> pretty accurate, Mr. Oracle. I can fight the motion, but I don't know> if we'll win...are you SURE you were giving a speech in Missoula at the> time? The prosecution is going to try and pull that> omnipotent-beings-can-be-in-two-places-at-once stuff again, you know?> This is almost as bad as that little Southern number last year. I> know, I KNOW, I shouldn't have mentioned it. I'm sorry, Mr. Oracle.> Look, all she wants in child support; if we pay her off, it won't go to> court and Lisa will never know. Do you think we should cut a deal?

} The Oracle is a loving being, and it should be known to those who would} criticize my actions that, even though I am omnipotent, I have needs.}} The Oracle is a responsible being, for I know the wisdom of the} ancients says that responsibility for your actions is a part of being} great.}} The Oracle is also a generous being, and is, in fact, wealthy enough} to support numerous children without even noticing a difference in} his bank books.}} The Oracle, is, however, not to be challenged by any mere mortal. Have} my snipers drop her, and bring me the kid.}} You never got this letter, understand?}} The Oracle demands payment of one weeks' retainer fees. Now, go, and} carry forth my orders.

> A thousand pardons, boss, but a bunch of the other acolytes and I were> bowing and scraping and answering w**dch*ck questions and we got to> discussing all the great press the Branch Davidians are getting. We> who joyously labor for Thou (scrape, grovel) never get interviewed on> CNN. Shoot, you won't even let us <ZOT!> supplicants, while the guys> working for David Koresh get rocket launchers, explosives, assault> weapons, front page press, fame glory and all that. We only have our> (humble) cubicles, terminals, cold pizza, flat Jolt, blue furry coffee> in promotional mugs, and w**dch*ck questions.> I'm gonna quit my job and go work for David Koresh and the Branch> Davidians. Forgive me O Oracle. (grovel, snivel, scrape, whine, yowl.)

} First, STOP GROVELLING!! I am so sick of 'Oh Oracle this' and 'I'm not} worthy'. I'm sick of it!}} Ok, let's compare me and Davy the wonder godlet over there:}} Davy has a Messiah complex. I however have a Messiah complex with B} supplement and protein enhancers, a far superior mix even you will} agree. Let's face it, why trade in the real thing for a fake?}} Next, CNN is interested in Davy now, but after that they'll go and} interview a group who believes Hillary Clinton is the second coming of} Elizabeth the first, and Davy's summer camp will be forgotton except} for a brief blurb in an end of the year retrospective. Do you REALLY} want to be remembered as one of the Wackos from Waco? Didn't think so.}} Third, I give you fresh Jolt! The problem is you open a bottle and} then quite erroneously 'let it breathe' for an hour or so. OF COURSE} IT'S FLAT! Davy, the New God on the Block, will be happy to give you} his special flavor of Kool-Ade (tm). I hear it's to die for.}} Now, if you really feel you get such a raw deal here with me, freeing} me from the burden of Woodchuck questions, the meaning of the universe} question, the null question, etc and allowing me to go on to more} interesting ones like calculating the megatonnage it would take to wipe} the smirk of President Clinton's face, fine. Your contract} specifically states that you may leave at any time, as long as you} agree not to reveal Oracular trade secrets.}} Now if you excuse me, I have some questions regarding the First Cat's} preference in kitty litter to dash off.}} You owe the Oracle your final decision before the end of the day.