Ursus Maritimus live in Alaska. The only good things from "The Land Of the Midnight Sun" are 1. Sarah Palin, 2. Oil, 3. That crab-catching show on cable, 4. Some really potent weed that Snoop Dogg sings about.

If they were truly as smart as National Geographic says they are, they would have evolved into better animals by now.

Polar bears are notorious seducers. I've personally seen a big white maneating monster walk up to a girl and say, "How does a polar bear break the ice?" and then he puts out his paw to shake and continues, "My name is Skippy? What's yours?" Way too many women are swooned this way.

Wikipedia says polar bears are the biggest land omnivores in existence right now. Well fuck that. Americans should be the biggest land omnivores!

You probably are going to be catch by one, and then polar bears will say, "fuck" Human invasors, and by the way who is treating your poop, i´m sure "u" are not going to poop in the backyard, because don´t have one, he does, but he does and is allow to, your not, leave nature alone if "U" are not in favor off.

Or you could just not take it far enough, that way it's completely unfunny. On the upside, the trolls have to work that much harder to explain why something bland and sanitzed still managed to hurt their feelings and completely piss them off.

Hey son of b1+# (your dearest momy) well let me let U she does not control her liquor too hehe, well you are a doss cunt boy, of curse you are an american shit haha that's why the whole world hate you ignorants bastards... well it's the most stupid comment I've ever read (I thought just myke tyson or some animal like that may but there you appear with your dumbass smile hehehe to say: hey! don't u forget about me) well a polar bears eat seals (u faggot.. oh don't eat seals buaa buaa... seals are being hunting by canadians with long sticks... to beat them... so why don't you talk about them you sacry dog) I think Colorado has the worst schools on the planet (are u educated HOW'S THAT??? .. and u complaint about polar behave?? 'silly rabbit' hahaha) U sad bastard!!!

Hey there Toughguy. In case you were wondering, this was a joke I wrote about a year ago. Taking digs at Colorado? Big deal. Also, I - An American - can make complete sentences and proper spelling, unlike you. For the record, most folks around the world like Americans just fine. I have no idea where you're from, but you can stay there. And if we're getting on mothers, I didn't fuck yours. Why? Because I don't want to pollute the earth with another slugbrain like you. Thanks for reading, dipshit.

Jessica, you're welcome - and thank you for the refreshing reminder that not 100% of the population has been entirely jaded by their InterWebz experiences.

Yet.

Though to be fair (to me) there was even a "furry" episode of CSI, so I didn't think it was that much of a reach to clarify that I was making a gratuitous anonymous perv comment rather than wishing that you actually be ingested by a large carnivorous mammal. Nice gams, BTW (to clarify further).

wow BTB. i had no idea what you meant by that comment until I googled "furry version" which led me to some very disturbing pictures. thank you for perverting my virgin mind. also, that's really fucking weird.

Polar bears don't actively hunt people unless they're starving to death. They'll also go after Walruses and other unconventional food sources if they're hungry enough. They do occasionally kill people who provoke or startle them (generally it's a dumpster-diving polar bear getting surprised, or a mother protecting her cubs), and I mean, it would be wasteful to leave all that fresh meat there, right?

PS. The harp seal is an overpopulated, overgrown rodent. And people haven't hunted the white coated ones for decades. The polar bear is a legitimately threatened species.