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The Girl With Three Boobs is Back!

So awhile back, I posed the eternal question on my Facebook wall. Will the Total Recall reboot that is coming out this Summer have the girl with three boobs in it? It may seem banal and juvenile (a running theme of this site) to ask that question. But if any guy who is over 21 years old saw the original, that is EXACTLY what we all were thinking. Sorry, someone had to say it.

I was in my early teens when the first movie came out, and I remember very little from it. Though the movie was not bad, that I ‘recall’ (see what I did there?) there was really only one or two moments that stood out to me. Understand, I was young and impressionable. When you are young and pubescent, something like this changes your life. It changes what you imagine can be real. It pretty much changes everything.

Ok, it may not be THAT monumental, but you get my drift. I mean, think about it. I was about 14 years old when I saw this:

This is an actual photo of my business card.

I mean, come on?! How was this NOT supposed to make a huge impression on me? It is like the idea of having surf and turf AND ribs for dinner. It is like everything at the table is already awesome and BAM, another treat. I said ‘treat’. Not TEET your pervs.

Anyway, the resounding response on my Facebook wall when I asked the question was NO! Multiple people told me multiple things. As a matter of fact, one of my good friends who sometimes hides here told me there was no probable way because the reboot was supposed to take place on Earth, barring the chance of a Mars born prostitute with three boobs making an appearance. Internet rumors and rumblings were leaning in the direction of three boobs making an appearance, but you know, the internet is full of liars. *Chortles

Suffice it to say, I was crushed thinking three boobs might not be the in the reboot of Total Recall. I know that’s sad to admit, but I’m just keeping sh*t real here.

But guess what, people? It happened:

There is nothing I can say here that won’t get me into some sh*t with my girlfriend, sadly.

Now I want you all to take a minute and let that pic sink in. Look at it. As a matter of fact, check her out hanging with Bryan Cranston. I bet his PANTS were Breaking Bad. Ok, that actually makes no sense whatsoever.

Note his composure. If this were me, half this photo would have to be blurred.

Her name is Kaitlyn Leeb, and I am predicting she will be the new Slave Leia with geeks. Not based on awesomeness of franchise, but based solely on her freakish degree of hotness. Here she is with just two boobs.

Note her smokey eyes and me not caring because she only has two boobs again.

You all need to understand before you judge me, I drink chamomile tea and have a pet bunny. Three boobs is a pretty huge thing to me. I lived my life believing I would only feel that rush of seeing a woman with three boobs ONCE in my life, and here I am, knowing I will feel it again, and honestly, there is a single, slow-motion-tear going down my cheek right now.