Don’t Worry Your Pretty Little Head, Dear…

After last week’s mourn-a-thon following Tea Party doyenne Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) wee hours video bailing on the 2014 election follies, we Fifth Estate scribblers, along with cartoonists and late night comedy writers, wondered who we would have fun harpooning and lampooning next. It would be hard to beat the legendary lesbo-phobe Minnesota gadfly, who conveniently was on a Congressional junket to Russia The Cold War is long over, but a nostalgic visit to the cellars of the Lubyanka could serve as a fitting conservative martyrdom finale for our nutter femme fatale.

Not to worry, though, fellow political swamp dwellers. I fully believe in Snowmobile Barbie Sarah Palin‘s ‘Merkin Exceptionalism, albeit with a twist. Only in America do we have the Sunday talker children’s matinees for the next loony act playing the fool. Helps keep Saturday nights tame for those of us Washington veterans who no longer mend our hangovers at all gracefully.

Enter Bachmann’s successor-in-silliness, Rep. Marsha “Leaves Xmas Lights Up All Year Long” Blackburn (R-Tenn.) Yuppers, from the state that brought America Jack Daniels’ Old No. 7 Brand Tennessee Sour Mash Whiskey (“Same as our fathers made it.”), Nashville’s Ole Opry, and Tennessee Valley Authority rampant big government socialism keeping the lights on and making sure we don’t run short of weapons-grade fissile uranium any time soon. Our aging, batty bottle blonde was telling Meet the Press how American women sought “recognition” instead of Lily Ledbetter‘s equal pay. Workers at the Japanese-owned Nissan plant there may bray about their “freedom,” but their “free market” wages, benefits, and working conditions would be far less were it not for decades of struggle by unionized American automakers further north setting the standard.

“None of the natives are buying any second-hand American dreams.” – Jimmy Buffett, Banana Republics

Unlike Ms. Ledbetter, and many millions of American women long shortchanged in the pay packet, Rep. Blackburn has been a huckster her entire adult life. Her extremist Conservative line might sell in her affluent Nashville neighborhood or her comically gerrymandered district. With Bachmann’s announced swan song, Blackburn has been a faithful understudy of Bachmann’s legendary “Fact-Free Diet” of gaffes and misstatements, including a crusade against energy efficient light bulbs.

Keep perturbing the 51% of the population who happen to be female. The overdue march of equality isn’t stopping anytime soon. I’m sure Marcus Bachmann will have plenty of appointments available now to pay that government-insured FHA mortgage on the new hacienda on the golf course. Michele’s fat government paychecks will be taking a haircut in retirement soon.

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