Real talk about marriage from the wives' perspective

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We Don’t Believe In The Same Thing

Man, oh man. I have been so busy within the last couple of weeks. Let’s get back to it, shall we? My husband and I grew up together, in the same church, so it was very easy for us to be on one accord when it came to our faith, and what to teach the kids. Even though this is my story, I know that there are some women, who have a spouse that either has a different belief, or not a believer at all.

So, how do you handle being with someone who is an unbeliever? Let’s take a look at what scripture says:

2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (NIV).

What does this scripture mean to you? To me it means that having a marriage that is not yoked, will not work out. In your marriage, you two are one, you are linked together with your spouse, so there has to be some sort of balance in order for it to work. Listen to what one young lady had to say about dealing with her marriage and two different beliefs under one roof:

When I was approached with the question, “What does 1 Corinthians 7 mean to me?” I really had to process being unequally yoked in marriage. Growing up in a Christian family, fornication & “shacking up” was a huge taboo and you just didn’t do it. I cannot count how many times I heard “It’s better to marry, than to burn” growing up. So when I fell in love with an unbelieving man, I didn’t want to burn and the bible does say “The unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife: 1 Corinthians 7:14”; right?! So surely this is the right decision I’m making in marriage, right??? Ladies let me tell you how WRONG I was. Yes, the word of God does tell us that the Unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband. However, when we choose to marry someone outside of what God has said in marriage, we sacrifice sooo many things. If your spouse does not believe in the biblical guidelines God set for marriage, how does he know how to love you like Christ loved the church? Christ had an undying love for the church & he ultimately gave His life for it. I’m not saying that just because your husband is not saved, he can’t or don’t love you; what I am saying is that he does not love you in the manner God intended for his daughter’s to be loved. Marriage is work; both have to work to make it work. If one believes in the manual (bible) & the other does not, how can you agree? Has it been hard in dealing with a unbelieving husband? Absolutely. Have I wanted to throw in the towel? Many times. My faith in God is what sustains me & I pray daily for my husband’s salvation. I made the decision to marry him & I’m serious about the covenant I made with him & God. I definitely would not encourage anyone to knowingly go into a marriage with someone who does not have a relationship with Christ, but if you are already married & struggle with the decision you made, I leave you with this; Continue to love your husband as God has called you to do. Continue to pray for his salvation. Let the life you live in front of your husband be an example on how God has commanded us to be as Christian women. Give your marriage to God, He can & will guide you if you allow Him. (Kari- Married 11 years)

If you are a follower of Christ, you are a chosen child of God. He doesn’t want you to settle for less than His very best. It’s worth noting that a Christian wife who finds herself in an unequally yoked marriage, should not use this issue as grounds for divorce. God has the power to turn around the most desperate situations and use them for good. Even so, a Christian wife can save herself a lot of heartache and grief by seeking God’s will early into a dating relationship. Pray that God reveals to you what you should do.

I would love to hear from you guys! Are you currently in this situation? What are your thoughts about this particular subject that receives so many different opinions?

My wife and I are often called out by friends and family as being unequally yoked because I do not drink coffee and she does 😉 While they are joking we do come from different religious backgrounds. While it can be a small struggle at times, we do agree with and believe on foundational matters. Just as Christians can take their minds off Christ and fight over little things, so can husband and wife. We both believe the same in what matters. The meat. A little bit of communication and understanding for the smaller issues is all it takes. God made us each unique, so understanding and respecting our differences is a huge strength.

I was not particularly Christian when I married a Japanese man at 18. Essentially I went into the Japanese culture blind– thinking it was so ritualistically clever and held the answers to a good life. I was wrong about that. It took me 21 years to get out and another ten to find God. Now in retrospect I was fighting gravity and God.

I was a strong non-believer and my wife a long time believer when we married, and it caused lots of problems with our marriage. We both deeply loved each other, but it was the pink elephant in the room. God must have known something (as He always does), 10 years ago I found Him and made him my Lord and personnel savior and I can tell you are marriage has still had issues. The difference is that we are stronger and we work through those problems and we know that to do that we really need to but Him at the head of our marriage.