Decrying what he termed a “shocking lack of feline and canine respect,” Wilmer Stinky Formica called on Congress to “safeguard America’s four-legged furry friends from their chew toys by requiring manufacturers to make all products BPA free.” Bisphenol A, a chemical used in making plastics is associated with a variety of negative health impacts.

“The battle with the human oppressor, professor, regressor over our reproductive rights is certain to be won but our strength may not last the battle if we chew toys that are cast with Bisphenol-A. BPA perplexes. BPA recesses. BPA messes with our brain and our hearts. PetMoms and PetDads be people, be people, be people who get smart. Dispose of those fish and mice and birds that you buy for us to chew. Say no no no to pricey play toys that you buy for us to chew that are ponderously, perilous to our perpetuity and profoundly, perplexingly upsetting. Be the change, BPA-no, be the change BPA-no, be the change, BPA no more.”

Formica, concluded his remarks with an somewhat threat, promising grassroots actions if Congress ignored this crisis.

“Make no mistake. This is our Occupy Movement. We are ready to take the battle to every home in America Nothing will be safe –sofas, shoes, gardens, carpets and even your favorite fragile nicknacks will all be at risk if America continues to ignore our demands for decency. ”