Date: Wed, 22 Nov 2000 12:20:01 -0500
From: Kathrine
Subject: How Can You Love Me, chapter seventeen
Legal disclaimer: this is fiction. Don't read if you're not old enough.
Author's note: another one. Hope you like.
- Chapter 17 -
Saying goodbye was hard as always, for all of them. When they had lived so
close together for so long, they had both gotten used to having someone around
at all times and always having someone to talk to. Even if they got a little
tired of each other from time to time, they were never ever long apart. Now
Chris was on his way to the house he had bought not long ago, Lance and Justin
was on their way to Lance's appartement, and JC and Joey was going in seperate
directions for the night, something which both truly hated.
"I've talked to mom and dad," JC said, as they were waiting for their car.
"They're coming over for dinner tonight and I am going to tell them then.
"Promise me that you will call me afterwards?" Joey asked. "I'm going to tell
my parents too, but they already know I am gay and they adore you. So they
should be thrilled. How do you think your parents are going to react?"
Making sure that their holding hands was hidden between them, JC frowned a
little. "I hope that they're going to be ok about it. After I broke up with my
last girlfriend, mom didn't say anything. She just told me that I had to do
what was right for me. I kinda suspect that she knows somehow, I'm not so sure
about dad though. I mean, he had never said anything discriminating against
gays, but he has never really said much about it period. And I have no clue to
about how he is going to take his own son not being straight."
"I wish it didn't have to be so hard," Joey answered, "if your parents do
freak out, then tell me, allright? I don't want you to be alone if something
bad happens."
"Thanks, babe," JC said, smiling. "How was I ever so lucky that I found you?"
Quickly looking around to see that nobody was in sight, JC leaned over to kiss
Joey softly. "Love you, Teddybear."
"I love you too," Joey replied. "And I can't wait for tomorrow. We're actually
moving in together, I still can't believe it. I have a feeling I am going to
wake up tomorrow and find out that I have dreamt everything." He felt a slight
pinch on his hand and sent JC a look. "Hey, what did you do that for?"
"You're not dreaming," JC smiled. "Unless I'm having the same dream, and then
I never want to wake up again. And I just pinched you, this is reality..."
"That's good," Joey nodded, "and do remind me to get you back at you for that
pinch."
Smiling widely now, JC was about to answer as the three others joined them.
"The car is on it's way," Lance said. "Actually two cars since Chris felt he
needed to get a house on the opposite side of town from the rest of us. But
the three of us are going to take one, so you two have some time together
before you get home."
"I'm still in the same town, Scoop," Chris said. "And come on, it's not that
far..."
"You better still be in the same town," Lance answered. "I swear, I oughta be
sick and tired of the lot of you, but I am still going to miss having you
around when I get home."
"You'll still have me around," Justin said, leaning his head onto Lance's
shoulder, looking adoringly up at him. Smiling at him, Lance placed his hand
over Justin's for a little moment.
"That is true," he told him, "and I am very very very very happy about that."
He made Justin giggle.
Chris had sat down next to JC and Joey. Although seing the displays of
affections around him, made him miss Allie, he was so happy everything had
worked out the way it had. If somebody had told him at the beginning of the
tour that two of his bandmates were going to moving in together at the end of
the tour and that the two other would be starting a relationship too, he would
never have believed it. Now it was already something familiar.
The cars showed up and the drivers waited patiently as they all had to hug
each other and make promises to call and meet up as soon as possible. When
they finally managed to break apart, Chris, Lance and Justin got into one car,
while JC and Joey shared the other.
Waving goodbye to their friends, JC hoped the nervousness he felt for the
upcoming night was of the good kind. He really wasn't sure as to how his
parents were going to react to the news he had for them. He would tell the
rest of his family later, he was fairly sure that they would be ok about it
though. But he needed his parents' support in this, they both did. The last
thing they needed was to add another negative thing to their relationship. God
knew they had worked through enough of them already.
Since their driver wasn't on their staff, they couldn't cuddle up like both
would have preferred. "I want to hold you so bad," JC said quietly, searching
for Joey's hand. "Tonight is going to be hell, I don't want to be without
you."
"It's just one night," Joey replied, but JC could see by his unhappy look that
he didn't quite believe in his own words. "And after that we won't have to be
apart anymore." He took JC's hand. "You're coming over to have breakfast with
my family tomorrow morning, right?"
"I am," JC said, "although I would rather have you for breakfast..." He got a
smile from Joey.
"Well, who said that that couldn't be arranged too?"
**********
As they had said goodbye to Chris and the car drove away, Justin looked at all
their luggage. "Where did we get all this stuff?" he asked amazed. "I didn't
bring so much at the beginning of the tour, did I?"
"No," Lance said, "that's the result on you going on a shopping spree in every
town we were in."
"Oh, so that's why," Justin said. "And if I am not mistaken, half of this pile
belongs to you."
Stabling everything into the elevator, Lance had to agree that he had added
quite a lot to his own baggage as well. Looking in the elevator to figure out
if they would fit in there too with all the bags, Lance had to smile. Dragging
Justin into the over-filled elevator with him, he pressed the button for their
floor. As soon as the door closed, Justin pulled him close to him and kissed
him.
Almost falling over a pile of three bags, Lance wrapped his arms around
Justin. Everytime they kissed he still felt like they never had done it
before, his heart racing, toes curling and mind spinning.
Busy with each other, they hardly felt the elevator coming to a stop. The
doors opened and they were still kissing. Then the sound of somebody clearing
their throat could be heard and made them jump apart. Looking up to find a
neighbour of him standing in front of the open doors, Lance just knew that he
was blushing deeply. "Sorry about that," he said quickly. "We'll be out in a
minute."
"Actually," Justin said, leaning past Lance. "I think we forgot something
downstairs. The other elevator should be up any moment." Pressing the button
for the first floor he hooked an arm around Lance's waist. "Now, where were
we...?"
Fifteen minutes later they were back up, and had gotten everything inside
Lance's appartement. "Should we unpack?" Justin asked, hoping that Lance would
say no.
"That would be the reasonable thing to do," Lance said, running a hand through
his hair. "But I really don't want to... I guess it can wait, what do you
say?"
"It can wait," Justin decided. Leaning against Lance in a hug, he added: "This
is much more fun." Hugging Justin back while taking in the warm, lean body and
the clean, sweet scent of him, Lance couldn't agree more.
"I want you to stay in my room," he said, holding Justin close. "I need to
hold you at night and I love waking up next to you."
"I wasn't planning on staying anywhere else," Justin answered. Right then,
standing in the dark livingroom with bags and suitcases scattered around their
feet, Justin couldn't remember a time where he had felt more happy.
"Let's get some light into this place," Lance said, taking Justin's hand. "And
some air, it's stuffy in here." Opening the veranda doors the sun flooded the
appartement with light and fresh air. "That's better," Lance sighed. "I hate
it when this place has been empty for long, it takes a while before it feels
normal again." But this time, while watching Justin lean over the railing to
take in the vue, Lance had a feeling it wasn't going to be as bad.
The phone rang and Lance disappeared indoors to answer it. Justin stayed on
the balcony, enjoying the view over the city. It was still day light, but he
could just imagine what a spectacular sight all the lights had to make at
night. Up here the noise from the traffic was faint and the air crisp like on
a late autumn day. Smiling softly to himself, Justin let himself daydream
about how it was going to be to stay with Lance. Maybe one day they would get
a house, and move in properly together. There was just something about sharing
the same adress that got him all giddy. Or maybe they would stay here, and
spend all of their nights together looking out over the labyrinth of lights at
their feet.
Suddenly a pair of strong arms encircled him and Lance rested his chin on
Justin's shoulder.
"Feeling ok?" he asked.
"Better than ever," Justin replied, folding his arms on top of Lance's. "I
love you, Lance. He felt a warm kiss on his neck and heard Lance tell him that
he loved him too. Smiling out into the night, Justin was sure that things just
didn't get any better than this.
**********
Even if he most of all wanted to stay with JC, Joey was happy to see his
family again. Being Italian he was hugged breathless almost before he was
inside the door. He missed them a lot when they were on tour and coming home
always felt good. Listening to his parents, sister and brother, Joey was
always amazed that four people could sound like forty. But his sister usually
got his attention either he wanted to give it to her or not.
Taking one good look at him, she smiled and asked: "So who's the lucky guy
then, little brother?"
"You're scary," Joey told her, giving her a surprised look. "How did you
know?"
Shrugging she answered: "I always know. When it comes to Steve and you I
always know. So, who is he then?" Seeing Joey's smile, her eyes lit up. "It's
somebody we know, isn't it?"
"It is," Joey said. "It's somebody you all know very well."
Janine was practically jumping up and down. "It's one of the guys, isn't it?
Who is it? Lance, Justin? It can't be Chris. JC?" Seeing Joey's smile widen,
she squaled. "It's JC! I knew it, I knew he was in love with you!"
Sending her an incredulous look, Joey turned to his parents. "I had planned to
tell you later when things were calmer, but since *somebody* kind of helped
me, I'm gonna say it now.
Josh and I got together during the last part of the tour."
"You and JC?" Steve said. "And I thought you and Lance were going to get
together."
"I don't think Justin would like that," Joey said, "they kinda also got
together, just after JC and me. And Chris met this girl he used to be with in
school, so they're back together too."
"I can see that the five of you have been busy," his father said. "Now, let's
go sit down so we can talk about this." Following his family into the
livingroom, Joey was wondering what they would say to the fact that he would
be moving in with JC very shortly.
"Are you ok with this?" he asked as they were all seated. "Me being with JC?"
"Of course we are, darling," his mother told him. "JC is a good boy, and I
agree with your sister. He has always liked you."
"You guys are creepy!" Joey said. "We only found out like a week ago, not even
that! But after we discovered that we had feelings for each other, it feels
like we have been together forever. Which brings me to something else I need
to tell you. We are moving in together. Tomorrow we are going to go look for a
house."
"Are you sure about this, Joseph?" mr. Fatone asked. "I am aware of that JC
and you have known each other for a long time, but do you think moving in
together this fast is a good idea?"
Taking a deep breath, Joey tried to explain. "I am sure, dad. So sure that I
don't want to wait, neither does JC. I want to be with him, not only when
we're on tour, but every day."
"I think it is cute!" Janine said. "And if it feels right, I say go for it. JC
is a cutie, I'm even a little jealous of you, little brother."
The look on Joey's face at his sister's words, made mrs. Fatone laugh. "Even
if I agree with your father that it is a little early, you have to follow your
heart, Joey. And we will support you, and JC, no matter what, you know that."
"Thanks, that means a lot to me, to both of us," Joey replied. "And even if we
haven't been boyfriends for that long, I have known JC for years. We are going
to be fine."
Reaching out to ruffle his hair, Steve smiled. "My little brother's all grown
up! he teased.
Swatting his older brother's hand away, Joey smiled. Janine rolled her eyes.
"You still haven't told us anything, Joey! I want to hear everything! How you
found out, when you first kissed... Everything!"
"What if I don't want to tell?" Joey said, "maybe I want to keep it all a
secret?"
"You can't do that!" His sister looked horrified at even the thought.
"Don't scare your sister like that," mr. Fatone said, "and you know she'll
make you tell eventually."
"I am going to tell you, Jannie," Joey promised. The phone rang and Steve
picked up the cordless one from the table. Turning to look at Joey, he
grinned. "Joey, it's your boyfriend!" Jumping up from his seat and snatching
the phone out of Steve's hand, Joey rushed out of the livingroom. "I'll take
it upstairs," he told his amused family before he ran upstairs to his room.
"I guess it's serious this time," mrs. Fatone commented. "My baby boy really
is in love. I hope they don't move too far away."
"They can't do that," Janine decided. "How am I supposed to keep an eye on
them, if they do that?"
***********
JC was pacing, feeling more nervous than he thought would ever be. Over the
hours since they had parted he had called Joey three times, Joey had called
him twice. Now his parents would soon be there and JC was trying to get ready
to tell them. Joey's parents had been happy about the news and Janine in
particular was thrilled.
The door-bell chimed. Wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans, JC went to answer
the door.
Seeing his parents again was nice and dinner went well. Still JC couldn't
quite make himself relax. Too much was at stake. In the end he was so nervous
that he couldn't sit still.
"Josh, I know there is something that you want to tell us," his father said.
"And it would be a good idea to say it before you start to hyperventilate."
JC had to smile. "You're right, dad. There is something that I have to tell
you. And you might not like it."
"Nothing's wrong, is it?" his mother asked concerned.
"No, everything is fine," JC assured here. "To tell the truth, I'm more happy
now than I ever have been. Because I've met somebody, the person that I want
to spend the rest of my life with."
"But that is great news!" mr. Chasez said. "When do we get to meet her?"
"This is it," JC thought. Forcing himself to sit still in an armchair, he
answered: "It's not a 'her', dad, it's a 'him'. I'm gay."
The silence was of the kind where you could hear a pin drop. Feeling that he
might as well tell them everything at once, JC continued: "I've found the man
that I want to be with, and we're moving in together. Tomorrow we're going to
go find a house. This is what I want, what makes me happy. I hope you can be
happy for me too."
"We are happy for you, hon," mrs. Chasez answered, getting up to hug her son.
"You just took us by surprise, it was a lot to take in at once."
"I'm sorry," JC said, "but I didn't really know how to say it... Dad, you ok
with this too?"
A smile taking over the surprised look on his face, mr. Chasez nodded. "Yes,
of course, I am. I just need a minute to process it. But if this is what makes
you happy, than I am happy too."
"There is just one more thing," JC said. "You kinda know the guy I'm with..."
"I should hope so," his mother said. "I want to know what kind of man that is
going to be a part of my son's life. I just hope it's a decent, nice man. Like
Joey for instance."
"What did you say?" JC asked, feeling his jaw practically hit the floor. "Who
did you say? How did you know?"
"That is a lot of questions at once, son," mr. Chasez told him.
"But I am seeing Joey!" JC answered, making his mother laugh.
"I didn't know, honey," she said, "but you two have always been close and I am
glad that he is the one for you." JC smiled broadely. "So am I."
Later that night, he was telling Joey about the conversation over the phone.
"Mothers are like that," Joey chuckled. "Sisters too, Janine could tell that I
was seeing someone just by looking at me."
"I'm just glad that they took it so well," JC smiled. "By the way, mom all but
ordered us to come have dinner with them later this week."
The hours went by and the night was approaching, but neither of them wanted to
hang up and go to sleep. "I don't want to go to bed without you," Joey sighed.
Before they parted, they had exchanged T-shirts, so Joey was sleeping in one
of JC's Adidas shirts, while JC was sleeping in a Superman T-shirt that
belonged to Joey.
"I want you here with me too," JC replied. "I don't think I'll be able to
sleep all on my own."
**********
It was nearly midnight when Joey's mother saw the light still on in her
youngest son's room. Looking in she found him sound asleep on his bed, still
holding onto the phone. Smiling she quietly went over and took the phone. On
the other end she could hear someone breathing, apparentely asleep also.
Placing the phone at the nightstand by the bed, she wondered a little over the
dark blue T-shirt she hadn't seen before. Pulling the bedcovers over her
sleeping son, her eyes fell on his upturned wrist. In the light from the lamp
above the bed, it wasn't difficult to see the faint scars.
Now feeling a bit worried she gently brushed the hair away from Joey's
forehead, hoping that he would tell her if something was wrong. Then she
turned the lights off and left the room.