Why Pirelli should bring back topless girls to their calendar

The famous Pirelli calendar took a giant leap away from the style of previous calendars for the 2016 edition. Usually known to feature glamorous photos of half naked models and actresses - often in exotic locations - this year the calendar features exceptional and intellectual women from the worlds of business, sport and art. All wearing clothes. GQ's resident sex anthropologist argues why that was a bad idea

Her gaze is fixed on you wherever you move in the room. Her breasts are bare and pert, soft and sweet. Venus is silently judging you. Don't take it personally; she's has been judging men for the past two thousand years, and before that still. She knows your dark desires, your lustful dreams. She knows her power and she is a threat.

Years ago, man retaliated. He kicked her off her marble pedestal and let her perpetually youthful body crash to the ground. He called her a slut for showing off her body. He told her she was stupid. He told her she wasn't equipped for leadership, or science, or original thought. He robbed her of her nobility, denying her recognition of her importance.

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Thus, women were overpowered and objectified. Woman was squeezed, bound and covered up. The value of her body soared.

Depicting the lithe naked bodies of women could sell things, even tyres. They were placed in ever more seductive poses, promising to serve the male gaze and refrain from judgment. They were shown exposed and vulnerable in uncomfortable and ridiculous clothing, needing man to save them in his shining amour on his white horse.

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Photography by Pirelli/Steven Meisel

Enter the feminist movement. Its purpose was to shake the establishment and show men that a woman's intellect was as powerful as a man's and that bearing children wasn't a biological imperative. Feminists strove to have their voices heard and fought subjugation, often with violence. Their voice today is clear; women are of equal worth to men. Pirelli claim to have listened with their 2016 Pirelli calendar. This is their mea culpa. The tyre manufacturer has given complete creative direction to Annie Leibovitz with the instruction of doing something completely new.

The 2016 Pirelli Calendar is devoid of eroticism.

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Instead, other sides of women are fetishised. There's Natalia Vodianova with her cherubic offspring hanging from her hip, Fran Leibowitz smouldering at the camera knowing everything you don't, Patti Smith defending us from pop music and Amy Schumer being Amy Schumer. But despite their best efforts, none is a match for Venus.

Photography by Annie Leibovitz

Kathleen Kennedy believes that previous women who modelled for Pirelli were aliens. At least that's what we're led to believe when she says that this calendar "is taking a look at real women". This makes for an awkward moment with Natalia Vodianova who appeared in the 2015 calendar. Fran Leibowitz noted that "Clothed women are having a moment again". But who is she trying to kid? The New York Times has pondered whether this calendar signals a cultural shift. This is unlikely. Like petrol, the demand for perfect specimens of the female physique is inelastic.

The calendar's purpose is not to inspire respect of women. It is to elicit awe in their beauty. Insisting that we stop looking at young sexy women to appreciate the achievements of women who insist on wearing clothes is like asking someone to stop lapping up a delicious white russian to consider the merits of kale. But white russians aren't just for fun. Leibovitz mocks the women of previous calendars in suggesting that they haven't achieved anything. And that's just not fair.

Photography by Pirelli/Steven Meisel

Take Joan Smalls. If she wasn't currently sitting pretty as the 8th highest paid model in the world, she'd be a psychologist. Cindy Crawford originally planned to be a chemical engineer. Christy Turlington has countless humanitarian achievements under her belt and a masters degree in Public Health from Columbia. We could go on. These women aren't push-overs by any measure.

And neither was Venus. She was worshipped for her beauty and her cunning. Part of her genius was her ability to wield her beauty.

The mythology of Venus at one time represented the power that women embody. You only need to see how easily men part with their money at a strip club to understand the overwhelming power of the female body.

Photography by Annie Leibovitz

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The Pirelli calendar isn't meant to be front page fodder. It's a celebration of youth, fertility and sex. It doesn't degrade the female gender. It exploits women's power in order to manipulate men into buying tyres. What the latest calendar says is that beauty isn't something women can use to their advantage, a bit like going into a boxing ring with your hands tied behind your back. Denying the importance of sex appeal is a step backwards. Women aren't young forever but that doesn't mean they can't still look awesome naked. And that's something worth celebrating.

Bring back women with their pneumatic breasts. They're trying to sell tyres after all.