Friday, May 29, 2009

I’ll Take the Sexy Silhouette Special, K?

Yesterday, I saw a commercial for Special K that promises to help me lose one inch off my waist. ONE INCH. Hahahahahaha! I mean, as if ONE inch is going to solve my problem. Or anyone’s problem.

If one inch is your problem, YOU DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM. You may, however, be anorexic.

Leave the inch increment claims to Viagra commercials, where it means more.

The second commercial that just MADE my day was for a skin lotion called My Silhouette. It shows this stick-thin (seriously, she’s in boy shorts and has NO curves. Her “silhouette” is a straight line) pre-pubescent girl masquerading as a possibly 20-30-something sliding silkily into skinny jeans.

The commercial promises that if you follow My Silhouette’s advice on fashion, nutrition, and style you will be just gorgeous (implying weight loss). Weigh loss from a LOTION? I mean, seriously?

I’m not saying I wouldn’t slather myself in this if I thought there was an ice cube’s chance in Havana it would work. But lotion is NOT going to help you lose weight. Unless there’s acid in it.

Come on. Please tell me no one in America is going to fall for this.

I have serious respect for marketing people. I’ve dabbled in marketing myself over the years, and I know it’s hard work. Marketing people get ribbed a lot, because they’re such easy targets. Their job is to make us love (or hate) something. In short, to make us believe what their bosses want us to believe.

And it works. A lot.

But this My Silhouette business has got to stop. My silhouette is as sexy as the Michelin Man, and no lotion or cereal is going to change that.

At least the marketing people can take comfort that I got a good laugh out of their commercials!

5 comments:

There was one painkiller commercial out there that was killing me too, something like, "My arthritis was causing me pain in my joints." REALLY?!? Alert the media! Isn't that, you know, what arthritis IS?

"Leave the inch increment claims to Viagra commercials, where it means more." My eyes were teary from laughing, but I did read through the rest of the post!

Yeah, no lotion, cereal, protein bar, hose, or vitamins are a miracle cure for weight gain. When will people wake up? But, no, Americans especially like an easy fix. Who would think of just eating right and working out??

The media drive me to despair sometimes. I don't know if you've seen that paparazzi shot of Miley Cyrus in a skimpy bikini that's making the rounds. Leaving aside the fact that it's borderline child pornography, I'm horrified by the number of people claiming that she looks fat. If she's fat, I might as well join a circus sideshow right now.

Yeah, marketers' job is to make us love or hate something, but in the case of beauty or weight-loss products it's more sinister -- their job is to make us hate ourselves, to convince us there's something wrong with us so we will buy their product to "fix" it.