~ a journey of emotions and observations

In Light of the Darkness, formerly Old Is a Theif

‘OLD IS A THEIF’ was posted but for only a few hours late in the evening of the 13th of May, ‘OLD IS A THEIF’ was the title. Then I went to bed. I woke with detested thoughts of what I had written and put in on my blog. In the beginning this blog thing was to be a repository for my journaling, self help and legacy to my son who may or may not in the future care to know these things about me, this inner me. Of course for that to happen, he would have to turn off the TV, but that’s for another blog somewhere someday.

Others have said much more eloquently than I, but I must agree, this blog thing has grown into something else again. It was never meant to be a place for me to air my dirty laundry, and this morning, what I posted last night seemed to be just that. My fight is with depression, and there are many of us in this war. There is no discrimination to the dark’s design.

Anyway, I feel I need to post OLD IS A THEIF now because of the Word, because God (if I may be so bold) didn’t want my creativity to be wasted. I don’t believe he wants me to support and promote ‘loss’, even though last night, a battle was lost. Today, the war is not over, however, today reinforcements arrived:

EPHESIANS 6: 10-13 NIV
The Armor of God: 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

This may, or may not work, this effort this morning to thwart the machinations of deception and untruth I went to bed with last night. AGAIN! I’m only doing my best to fight the damness of depression. You may care not to read on and if that’s the case, I will still fight on, for both of us:

OLD IS A THEIF: May 13, about 11pm, or so
I’m damned to die to reoccurring dreams
daymares of hollowness
like a swamp dead tree where
the stink of decay permeates the air
and clings to the skin
Oh Lord, why am I here again?You are here Scripture says
but here am I in a soul locked prison
sentenced to self with
headaches and body pains,
is there but one way of escape?

Is it my self that’s killing me,
my inability to surrender beyond
our Sunday go to Meeting
or morning bible reading the truth
that dissipates like like stem from boiling sea.

I am tired of sick of sick and tired
that over used recovery chant
I’ve heard it
and said it so much I could scream

Am I demon possessed by the catch all phrase
‘depression’, ‘lethargic,’ ‘despondent?’on a scale of 1 to 5 Mr. What’syourname,how much are you not alive!!

So I paint so morose a scene
when as a believer I should be in joy,
in a relationship with a King
but I am separated, expelled of a sort
and I’m loosing my ability to cling

This mess like all the rest I pen
is me feeling sorry for me again
She asks if it’s her,
why I can’t be happy
she asks over and over again
I try to explain
I don’t know where happy begins

Of a sudden my mine hears a song I wrote
wrote and save’d to do something with someday
is this is the someday?
if it is…….
it ain’t what I thought it would be back then:

Old is a thief

I can’t sing like I once didDon’t have the highs of a kidBlind to dreams I could once seeOld you’ve stolen it from meOld you are a thief

Now I look out through my windowComes another season for changeI don’t answer the call no moreI’d choose stay out of the rainI’d rather stay outside of the game

What’s old blues to do?
Feel like I’m loosing her too
Baby looks at me with tears
No love, no where, no cares

I hear the melody beyond memy heart breaks like glass from the painThe songs I loved I can’t singThey belong to yesterdayStill there is a due to pay

What do I do now with this life nowWhere do I go to find peaceOut of time, silently out of my mind
the door is closing on meOld you’ve stolen all from meOld you are a thief