Trying to solve problems like Maria

alpha bravo charlie

Air-travel Companion and I flew to Pittsburgh last Friday and due to this ridiculous ban on liquids (Yes, in the name of national security I get it, but the fact that you can purchase drinks beyond the security checkpoint and no one cares makes me really mad. I have been stopped for forgetting that my Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel was in my carry-on pocket but the dude with the 24 oz. Dunkin’ Donuts Great One gets to sail on by. Go figure.) my bag had to be checked. As anyone who knows me knows, I hate checking bags. (I am currently working on some kind of patent for travel-sized items, such as pre-filled disposable contact lens cases that come in tiny 3-day and 7-day sets so that you dont have to check your suitcase just because you need lens solution. Let’s expedite the travel process as much as we can people! Don’t punish me just because I cant afford Lasik surgery!)

In college when I went on spring break, I was laughed at for lugging my large but JUSTUNDERTHESIZELIMIT suitcase on board. Hefty, yes. Barely fit in the overhead, yes. For all the agony it caused me as I rolled the poorly constructed wheelie case around and had it bang into my leg every third step, I did not have to wait at baggage claim like my friends who scoffed. Baggage claim to me is the biggest waste of time. Why not pack as much as you possibly can, as tightly as you possibly can to avoid that step and head straight to ground transportation? It makes perfect sense to me. I look forward to sitting next to you on my next flight and getting up and peeing 12 times, too.

The best part about checking a bag on this particular flight was that I had to pay attention to where I had to pick up my luggage -something I never have to do! Those final announcements about baggage claims and connecting flights are for suckers! Why anyone would check bags or take connecting flights is laughable. But now, thanks to I don’t even know who but we’ll say George Bush because why not, I am a sucker. So Flight Attendant told us to claim our bags “At Carousel K…as in Kilo. Once again that’s K as in Kilo”. I wonder what Flight Attendant does for fun?! Is that part of the phonetic alphabet? “That’s right, the name is Vicky, that’s V as in Vicodin, I as in Intervention, C as in Crack, K as in Kilo and Y as in the Yankees are on Steroids”.