Seven Persuasion Styles

There are many different ways to persuade, yet we tend to fall into one or
few of these, based on the context, our habits and our preferences. We also may well
use several of these styles at various times, including within the same persuasive
context.

Parent

The parent acts from a position of natural superiority. They can
assert
something as fact and do not expect that it will be challenged. They assume that
they will be trusted.

The parent mode is also used by managers and people higher up the social
hierarchy. Children may also try using this, especially when they are teenagers
and are seeking the independence of adulthood.

Underlying belief: I know. You do not know.

Child

The child is physically and functionally powerless and so pleads, whines,
wheedles and otherwise seeks to stimulate a desire to help. If this does not
work they may just wear down the other person through low-grade irritation. Adults do this
sometimes in play and sometimes when they know of no better method.

People who are victims may also adopt the child position, seeking a
rescuer
who will save them. This can become a habitual position when it allows people to
avoid responsibility. It is one of the dilemmas of growing up to step beyond
this, both in persuasion and in other parts of life.

Underlying belief: You have a duty to support me.

Friend

The friend simply asks or demonstrates a need and expects you to help.
What can be requested depends on the level of trust and liking within the
relationship. Even when talking to a stranger, a person taking this approach
will act in a friendly manner and assume that being nice will get them what they
want.

The friend position is typical of adult relationships, where each acts as an
equal and is ready to help the other in many situations in the assumption that
the assistance will some day be reciprocated.

Underlying belief: Friends help one another.

Logician

The logician sees the word through the eyes of cold reason, that there is
cause and effect and incontrovertible evidence. They work on the principle that
if you explain the logic of an
argument, that others
will agree. They find emotional appeals unreasonable, irrelevant and often
(paradoxically) irritating.

We all have a need to
explain, and consequently often consider our arguments as logical, though
they are seldom completely so.

Underlying belief: Everyone accepts truth.

Bully

The bully works on the principle of strength and
power over reason and
fairness. Their implied
transaction with others is 'Do as I say or else I will hurt you'. Bullies have limited concern for
the emotional well-being of the other person and may even gain pleasure in the
sense of control they gain.
Bullying methods may also be due to the bully
lacking skills in other, more socially acceptable persuasive methods.

Although bullying is an emotionally charged word, the principle is remarkably
common, especially at low levels where there is an implied threat and occasional
angry outbursts. In daily life, bullying methods are not always unkind and may
be based on a desire for rapid agreement.

Underlying belief: Might is right.

Idealist

The idealist typically has a black-and-white,
polarized view of
the world, where there is one, perfect solution to any situation. In persuasion,
they cling to their ideal and see all other arguments as unworthy. They
typically argue by repeating their position and asserting that other views are
wrong.

While the world is really far from ideal, the idealist wins an argument
through the passion they show for their ideal and the sneaking suspicion by
others that the idealist may actually be right.

Underlying belief: What I believe must be right.

Negotiator

The negotiator
sees persuasion as a system of give and take, where final agreement may be far
from any initial position. Their principal method is to offer exchanges,
including concessions, such that both they and the other side settle for an
agreement that is acceptable to both.

In practice, we all often negotiate, particularly in social and work contexts
where it is normal to do so. It is also often possible to negotiate in
situations where we might not otherwise negotiate, including in retail stores
and job interviews.