6 simple ways to spice up your sex life

Stuck in a rut? Here's how to get the lust back and reignite your sexual desire.

By
Tracey Cox

11/02/2019

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Humans are creatures of habit - especially when it comes to sex. During the honeymoon period you're full of energy but, if you've been with the same person for a long time and have work and family commitments, sex can sometimes become formulaic or start to tail off.

If your sex life has started to dwindle and your bedroom fun needs a kick up the bum, help is at hand! Sex and relationship educator Tracey Cox gives her top tips for bringing sexy time back into your life:

1.Book a mini break

Make a pact to go away for the weekend once every six weeks and you'll fix most of your sex and relationship problems. That was the stand-out advice of the most respected therapists in the US when asked to reveal the one thing they thought most helped save a struggling relationship. 80 per cent said weekends away.

Make a pact to go away for the weekend every 6 weeks and you'll fix most of your sex problems.

It doesn't need to be expensive, just get you out of your usual environment where all the problems are (work, money, kids, stress).

Make a pact with other couples to take turns and look after each other's kids and if a weekend is too ambitious, aim for one night, once a month in a decent hotel nearby.

2. Keep it fun

The more fun you have together, the more in love you will be. Once people decide they're serious about each other, they start getting serious about life: get a mortgage, have children. The relationship moves from 'fun' to 'functional': we stop concentrating on the relationship and concentrate on work and money.

Most couples skid into boring behaviour patterns around the two year mark - and it can be the kiss of death. When someone says "I don't know what happened but I've fallen out of love for no good reason", this is what's usually happened. Routine has killed the relationship. Get into the habit of planning at least two new activities to do together a month: theatre, a show, trying new restaurants, watching films.

3. Small gestures go a long way

It really is the little things that count. A recent study of more than 5,000 people found small gestures of love - like making a cup of tea - are more important than big, grand romantic displays for long-term love and happiness. Cooking her favourite meal when she's down, Or planning a spa day when they've been working so hard - simple, thoughtful gestures mean a lot.

4. Do exciting things

Long-term love is a kind, soft, comfy emotion. Lust, on the other hand, is primitive, wild and edgy. We need risk and a hint of danger to continue to see our partners as sexual beings. The more shocking and liable to get the old heart thudding, the better - it is possible to shock your brain into falling back into lust.

Any type of adrenalin boosting activity drives up the dopamine level in your brain, making you feel lustier.

Any type of adrenalin boosting activity drives up the dopamine level in your brain, making you feel lustier and more in love.

So do anything that slightly freaks you out – sky-dive, book a day driving on a race track, ride a pushbike through traffic, kick-box, play fight, jump on a roller coaster, even wearing your hot pink skyscraper wedges to the office.

5. Stop making excuses

Stop making excuses about being too busy - there is time for sex. Aim for 10 minutes a few times a week and one longer session (even 30 minutes works) once a fortnight. That's even less time than watching one hour-long TV show a week. Have 'bite sized' sex: It doesn't have to have a beginning, middle and end. Kissing counts too; you don't always have to have intercourse as the main course.

6. Act on a flicker of desire

You sort of wouldn't mind if you had sex? Don't just ponder the thought, pounce on it – and do it as soon as you can. Studies show the more time that passes between having an idea and following up on it, the more likely you are to lose motivation.

I'm not saying you should burst into your partner's board meeting and drag him out by the tie, but don't let things like dishes or the meal being ready or 'I'll just answer that email first' get in the way.

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