I offer him cigar…rum.

Felony Fantasy Hoops

The NBA regular season sometimes bugs me. Watching Gilbert Arenas hang 35 on some fools while thinking about how he misplayed those pocket Aces does get old. On the other hand, reading about the fights that break out during Portland TrailBlazer practice sessions never gets old. Another thing Doherty and I have come to realize is that looking over fantasy rosters in our law school classes is a great thing to do. But, with these leagues that don’t maintain our interest to update a roster DAILY for a long season, we needed to go a different route with the whole fantasy thing.

Thus, we’ve come to this point. A sampling of points possible for your fantasy players in this league: Domestic Disturbance Call, Demands for playing time, obviously we’re giving out points for handguns being involved in arguments and what have you, substance abuse, Taking runs at star players, uh, felonies and a whole lot more. If this interests you, there’s a more extensive list when you hit the read more button. Also, some info on signing up.

Before getting into the list of what Doherty and I have come up with, here are some general comments on the league…

Scoring will be established some time before the season starts. When the league begins, Doherty and I will be on top of the scoring, however, we will be asking all participants to monitor their teams and will be welcome to forward information to us. Google News search will be clutch in this regard. Doherty and I won’t be managing teams, strictly keeping the affairs of the League in order.

Obviously with a league of this type, there is potential for players to do something that we hadn’t thought possible. For instance, if this was an NFL league, we likely would not have “throwing up out of the window of an SUV with a police present” as a points category, but, logic dictates that we need to get a man some points for those actions. Doherty and I will be on top of all these decisions and constantly getting input from those playing.
Rosters will be 5 players and one Executive/GM/coach/Owner…yes, folks, this makes MARK CUBAN, draft eligible. You will be able to drop and add players often. There likely will be a page on this blog for transactions.

More will be added to this thread as it comes about. This is a work in progress, but it should be a lot of fun at the very least. If you’re interested, kick an e-mail to JobooHoops@gmail.com. If you want to pre-rank your players, go ahead and include 25 pre-rank players or owners/GM/Coach/Exec in the email. Everyone joining the league will have to pre-rank at some point, so might as well get it out of the way. However, if you need to take time to pre-rank your players, completely understandable with a league that requires this much thought, just shoot us an e-mail saying you want in.

We’re hoping to get this thing kicked off at least by opening night. Below are the categories we have thus far, feel free to send us any suggestions.

· Media Reports: Sliding scale based upon reliability (Direct from player=4, ESPN, SI, AP=3, Yahoo, Fox Sports, local newspapers=2, Sports Radio, Internet Sites/Blogs, other sources=1)
o Requests to be traded from player or agent.
o Substance abuse without league confirmation or police report.
o Reports of illegitimate children.
o Cancer rule: detrimental to team cohesiveness.
o Selling out a teammate for on or off the court behavior.
o Missing or being late for a team meeting or practice.
o Taking shots at the coach, ownership or general manager.
o Unhappiness over playing time, contract or role.
· On the Court: various point levels
o Technical Fouls.
o Flagrant Fouls.
§ Bonus: Taking a run at a star player.
o Ejections
§ Bonus: Not occurring from collecting too many falls or technicals, rather stemming from one incident.
o Turnovers
§ Bonus: More turnovers than points.
o Leaving the bench during a game without the coach’s approval.
o Refusing to return to a game without being injured.
o Threatening a league official
§ Bonus: That league official is David Stern
o Fighting with members of the other team on the court.
§ Bonus: Waiting for them outside their locker-room.
o Fighting with Fans
§ Bonus: Starting a riot.
· Off the Court/Legal Troubles
o Substance Abuse penalties from the league. Sliding scale for the drug involved: marijuana=high, cocaine=higher, crystal meth=highest.
§ Bonus: results in a violation of parole/probation.
§ Bonus: Repeat offender results in an extended suspension.
§ Negative: Player enters rehab.
o Sexual Assaults Allegations
§ Bonus: Conviction/plea/settlement
o Assaults/Fights
§ Discretionary standard based on the severity of the fight, opponent and legal ramifications.
o DUI.
o Domestic Disturbance Call.
o Offenses involving Guns.
o Spouse or Family involved in crazy shit: discretionary scale.
§ Bonus: At a game or practice craziness.
o Traffic/Parking Violations
§ Bonus: Watching porn and masturbating while driving.
o Arguing/Fighting with teammates
o Present for a member of your posse committing any offense=half points
§ Bonus: Present for serious bodily harm or death of posse or victim.
§ Super Bonus: Appear at trial as a material witness.
o Animal cruelty or fighting.
· Miscellaneous
o Throwing a towel at someone. . .not playfully.
o Documentary about you released, but you feel there isn’t enough of you in it.
o Collecting gambling debts by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
o Links to shaving points.
o New of addiction to prescription medications.
o Suicide attempts.
§ Bonus: Being Successful
o Forcing a trade to a contender, and then killing their playoff hopes.
o Making an absolutely ridiculous prediction to the media.
o Putting out a rap album.