The Real War on Women

This morning I did an interview on a local Kansas City, MO NewsProgram – Fox 4 News.

Here’s the link to that interview: http://fox4kc.com/2015/07/24/divorce-expert-calls-women-in-affairs-with-married-men-girl-fiends/

My points about the Ashley Madison Infidelity Site Hack. The Ashley Madison Infidelity site has 37+ million members. The site has numerous safety and security awards, “100% discreet.” Well, it turns out to be “not so much.”

Someone has hacked the site and is threatening to publish all the names and personal information of the Ashley Madison members. I hope there were people on that site sweating bullets and having some sleepless nights wondering if they will be “outed.”

I’ve got a lot of problems with this site: – but here are two:

1. What low have we come to that more than 37,000,000 people are willing to go online and get hooked up for an extra-marital affair.

2. What kind of person does this?

I know that the gap is closing so that now almost as many women are unfaithful as men.

I want to talk about the real WAR on WOMEN: Girl-FIENDS. Any woman who is willing to get involved with a married man.

Anthropologists tell us that in very early communities and tribes, when faced with danger there was the well-know Fight or Flee responses. But scientists are discovering something else. The Tend and Befriend response. It seems that from earliest times women were more likely to face danger by coming together as a supportive, protective group and to tend to the vulnerable in the tribe … the children and the old and infirm.

So, what’s happened to this sisterhood of women?

These Girl-FIENDS … whether on the Ashley Madison site or on the company business trip or in your husbands office …. are women who knowingly develop a relationship with a man they know is married. My RADiCAL women are always asking, “What kind of woman does that?”

Here’s what I think all Girl-FIENDS should know:

1. The great majority of people across all cultures and all countries, both genders, young and old think infidelity is “always wrong.”

2. Men who cheat with you will also cheat on you. Men who cheat don’t respect women, don’t keep their promises and will lie to your face. He did that to his wife. He will do that with you. Get used to it.

3. His children, extended family and friends will tolerate you, but they won’t really respect you if you were involved with him before his divorce.

4. If you had an affair with him, you remind him every day that he is not an honorable person and deep down that begins to bother him.

5. You knowingly betray the “sisterhood of women.” You cause much pain and suffering to another woman and her children.

Here’s something all women out there need to think about: Respect yourself enough to say “No” to a married man. Men …. you should have the integrity to say “No” to a woman who is pursuing you and willing to have an emotional or physical affair with with you.

In my divorce recovery work I have discovered that one of the favorite phrases men us is, “I’m not happy at home.”

What if every woman said to him, “Okay, you aren’t happy. Have the guts to say to your spouse, “I’m not happy, let’s fix this …. and if we can’t – something has to change or I want a divorce.” I don’t want to have any part in destroying your marriage, so I don’t want to hear from you again until you are divorced. Period.”

Until then. No contact. And that includes during separation. He is still married during separation. The purpose of being separated was originally to see if you can figure out a way to fix things and get back together. It is not a green light to have affairs …. he is still married.

So for all of those 37+ million members of the Infidelity site. I hope you have spent some sleepless nights this week. You should not be doing something you would be embarrassed for your children or your friends and especially your spouse to know about. Fix your marriage. If it absolutely can’t be fixed, get a divorce. Only then should you start even thinking about another relationship.

For those women on this Midlife Divorce Recovery site whose wasband had an affair and left. Keep in mind that once they go down that path, it get’s easier to cheat. Be happy that you can choose to have people in your life that you don’t have to worry they are seeing someone on the side. All men do not do that. The ones who do bring heartache and trouble. Be glad that is someone else’s problem now.

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.