Report: Rihanna to buy Major League Soccer’s Chivas USA? Surely not.

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OK, file this one under the “very unlikely to happen” section of Major League Soccer takeover stories.

Let’s have some fun with it anyway.

The guys over at Goat Parade managed to dig deep into the British tabloids and find some info, reportedly from international pop sensation Rihanna, suggesting “she’s hinted she may do something with an LA team.”

Buy a soccer team in LA, that is.

According to Goat Parade the report is from British magazine Female First who attributed the quotes to the Daily Star. So, one magazine is reporting that another tabloid has an unattributed quote to Rihanna. Okay.

Putting two and two together, we all know there’s one team openly on the market in Los Angeles that Rihanna could buy. Step forward, Chivas USA. Her love for soccer is certainly pretty strong if this summer is anything to go by. Rihanna was down in Brazil watching games, pictured right, cheering on plenty of teams, and she Tweeted out several times as an avid fan. While the German national team posed for photos with her and the World Cup.

The report also suggests Rihanna is contemplating buying a Premier League side, as she aims to set up a soccer academy in her home country of Barbados. Her net worth is said to be around $90 million, which means she probably would be part of a consortium to buy the MLS franchise if this deal were actually ever going to happen.

However, what if she did buy Chivas USA?

Here are some suggestions for a few “owners initiatives” and remember, this is all very tongue in cheek:

Rename the club, “Rihanna’s Rebels” or “Rudeboys FC”

The new owner (Rihanna) could perform a concert during every home game to boost attendance figures

With her admiration for the German national team perhaps Mario Gotze et al. will be heading to MLS?

Build a new domed stadium in downtown LA for the team, the rooftop could be shaped like a massive “Umbrella”… (too far?)

Will pigs fly before Rihanna buys an MLS team? Almost certainly. Just like most music moguls that are linked with buying soccer clubs, when the actual costs come out and you realize that you will likely lose a lot of cash, the faint rumors soon dissipate.

Cecilio Dominguez and Mateus Uribe each bagged a brace, and Renato Ibarra also scored as the tournament’s top team sauntered into and out of Costa Rica on Wednesday. Club America has been to seven CCL finals, and one every single one.

West Ham United will pay a visit to Dag & Red as part of the latter’s #SaveTheDaggers campaign, and the March 21 date will cost fans between $7 and $21 to see a top flight side at 6,000-seat Victoria Road.

“So please come on down to the Chigwell Construction Stadium for an additional night of football. Bring a friend, or two, or more and we can use the gate takings to help get us back on track,” reads a press release.

Dag & Red was founded in 1992 and climbed as high as League One in 2011, and plays just 2.5 miles from West Ham United’s training ground. Newcastle’s Matt Ritchie and Dwight Gayle are among Dag & Red alums in the Premier League.

It’s a terrific gesture from West Ham, and is even more impressive in the United States where the growing club game is increasingly cutthroat (especially between non-synced leagues).

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AS Roma manager Eusebio Di Francesco absolutely roasted his charges after i Lupi tossed aside a Cenzig Under-inspired lead to fall 2-1 at Shakhtar Donetsk in the first leg of their UEFA Champions League Round of 16 tie on Wednesday.

Di Francesco had praise for Edin Dzeko, who assisted Under’s goal, as well as goalkeeper Alisson, but was mostly enraged by his side.

4) “The difference was that in the first half we tried to hurt them while in the second we were looking to hold on – to what? I don’t know.”

— “To what? I don’t know” is hilarious. Di Francesco’s side has posted some serious wins this season, including killing off Chelsea 3-0 at home and coming back from 2-0 to draw the Blues at Stamford Bridge. He doesn’t preach sitting back.

3) “There were far too many schoolboy errors – even by players with a wealth of international experience.”

— Schoolboy errors!

2) “I saw two completely different teams out there today. There were lots of players I should have taken off after we conceded the first goal.”

— Again, one mistake by a number of players on Facundo Ferreyra is enough for Di Francesco. He’s not just happy to be here.

1) “I can’t imagine we’d get arrogant just because we’re winning an important game. It’s not as if Roma are used to reaching the final every year.”

— When you’re willing to essentially rip an entire club’s history — Roma’s been to just two UCL quarterfinals since losing the final to Liverpool in 1984 — you’re putting your footprints in new cement.

Salzburg’s two away goals in a draw feels like a one-goal lead, and the one-goal matches are especially interesting. In the case of Atalanta, 1-0 to the Serie A side could undo Michy Batshuayi‘s first leg heroics for BVB.