News too good to be true from Moenui (Pop. 421) current holder of The Northern Region Best Kept Grass Verge Award

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

PETERS TO GOVERN FIJI

Fiji will awake this morning to the news that Winston Peters has replacedLaiseniaQarase as Prime Minister of the island nation. Diplomatic sources revealed last night that the NZ Government had negotiated the deal with Commodore VoreqeBainimarama, avoiding a coup and leaving the door open for Major Ron Mark to take control of the NZ First Party.

Insiders say that Winston Peters' record as an anti-corruption campaigner, especially his role in the Wine Box investigation were critical in persuading the Fijian military Commander to accept the Kiwi veteran politician as PM.

"I am a long-time admirer of Winston," said the Commander. We in the army are determined that Fiji has a clean-up and to paraphrase Winston himself, the current Prime Minister "has sat too long for any good he has been doing. Depart, we say.""The time has come to take away that fool's bauble."

Sources close to Mr Peters say that he is looking forward to his new role which will be 'a little like keeping the peace amongst the factions of the National Party - but in a climate much more like Northland than Wellington.'

1 comment:

Silver Ferns coach Julie Aitken today said that the Silver Ferns would not 'choke' in the World Champs and revealed that management had taken to pre-chewing and regurgitating all player food in an effort to end the "choking epidemic" by NZ teams in big events.

New research suggesting New Zealand was under water until 23 million years ago havebeen rubbished in Northland. Moenui farmer Ossie MacDonald says the claims are "complete bloody nonsense" and "typical of the tripe dished out by those pointy-headed buggers at the University."