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Author
Topic: Tried going sober....and failed (Read 5912 times)

I've been drinking too much (and doing too many drugs). Sunday I made a commitment to not drink or do drugs for a month. I just came back from the pub.

On Friday my doctor added a third pill to try and bring my BP down to normal. He doesn't understand why my BP won't come down with the two meds I was on. So I'm off to the hospital soon to get an EKG and other tests done to make sure my heart and liver are ok. I didn't tell him about the partying (such a nice way to say doing coke, e, speed and drinking)...that would probably explain the hypertension.

Cliff,as I have said here ad nauseum, I quit drinking ten years ago. I always had high pressure. I was always drinking. I discovered whenever I stopped for a few days my BP would be normal. As you know speed and coke don't help the ole bp either. And combined they lead to depression, which leads to more alcohol,speed and coke. If you are able to stop drinking,you will have the strength to avoid the drugs.If you really want to quit drinking,get the book "courage to change" by dennis wholey. I have read it many times over my drinking years and it has helped several of my friends quit. In fact one of them called me today on his one year anniversary and thanked me for telling him about this book.

tell your doctor. A confused doctor may lead to wrong medication. He will slap you, but at least he will understand and will not give you a prescription that may be fatal if you drink or party, so tell him!!

Statistics show the more times you TRY to quit the longer the durations become of you staying sober. Do please don't give up.

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LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

As one who's had the druggy problems and who loathes the thought of group meetings to keep my second most unholy urges at bay (the most unholy is my desire for mansex), it has been my experience that trying that "no drinking and drugging for a month" thing is a guaranteed way to set yourself up for failure.

I've tried it before.

It didn't work.

I then decided to set my sights a little lower and went for two weeks. That worked... but when the time was up, I spent all weekend with beer on my lips and an eight ball's worth of blow on my nose.

So, it would be debatable whether that method worked as well.

Personally, I've found that weaning myself off is best.

I mean, I still drink... but not as much. Don't do that "I'm only going to have four drinks instead of five" thing. Because once you have four drinks, you're gonna go for five.

But try the, "I'm not drinking on Thursdays as per usual" thing. Do that for a couple weeks... then add another day you don't drunk.

And don't beat yourself up too much if you fall off the wagon, cause that only makes you think, "well, fuck it... I'll get wasted anyway tomorrow too."

It's a very bumpy road trying to quit an addiction. Don't feel like you have failed.

What kind of use to work for me was each time i rebounded back to my partying, I punish myself by not doing it for a month then two months then six months and then I came to the realization that I felt better without partying and going out hooking up as much as I use to. I focused my free time on exercise and family/friends. And you know what, my face looked much better off the stuff I use to do. You also have to remember that you should keep your organs as strong as you can for them HAART pills. I know my words may not help you much, but it took me many months and many people to constantly tell me that I was hurting myself.

Cliff,The last time I got high I almost killed myself. It was some six years ago (or something), and I ended up wanting to jump from the 7th floor of an apartment building. It was also my very first 'bad trip". Well, I decided that it was going to be the last...

After the hospitalization and everything thats goes with it, I made up my mind that I would simply stop. And I did!

The next obvious thing to do was to talk to my doctor. I told him everything as explicitly and boldly stated as usual. I explained to him the urge, the fucking, the sucking, the drugs, the domination and so on in the smallest details. And he didn't judge me or anything! You see, sometimes my doctor just laughs outloud 'cause I don't hide anything from him. I just wonder what he really might think about me sometimes, 'cause I tell him all there is to tell...

So, will you do yourself a special favour and tell your doctor about your problems? I know you are not in the U.S. and may apprehend his reaction. But, if his reaction is to judge you right away, take it as a sign to find yourself another one!

Are you really going to make me fly there just to whoop your ass? The doc needs to know the whole truth. Especially if there were a conflict between some of your recreational drugs, and your prescribed drugs. Most especially if you consider coke with an ACE inhibitor, or a Beta Blocker. Sorry hon, you really need to kiss, and tell this time.I love you very very much, and don't want anything to happen to you.Don't make me pull this car over!

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No Fear No Shame No StigmaHappiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

I have a friend who went on librium for a week, and this helped him get through the alcohol withdrawals. He falls off of the wagon once in a while but for the most part he has really been trying, I guess there came a time when he really wanted to stay off of the stuff and focus on his life. However it is hard to give advice when I don't know what you are going through. What other issues are you facing right now? Are there any reasons that you drink other than a physical addiction? I know for me it never has gotten to the point where my body needed it. It was always psychological. Nevertheless it was destructive until I decided to keep it under control. HIV has limited how much I want or can drink. I guess I have bigger fish to fry now. I wish you a lt of luck, and it looks like you could benefit from some support system. This is not overrated, it helps a lot of people, but the inner drive ultimately has to come from you and what you want for yourself and your future.

Cliff, I join the chorus urging you to tell your doctor what's really going on. Don't let shame or embarassment stand in the way of your health and your life.

At least he will know what's really going on and you will not be isolating yourself with this problem. He may have something helpful to say and as someone else pointed out he won't misprescribe something which might be contraindicated if you're using.

Wishing you well in getting through this, Cliff. AND I AM SO GLAD YOU HAVE SHOWN SUCH COURAGE AND HONESTY TO SPEAK UP ABOUT THIS WITH US.

I can understand completely why you wouldn't want to tell your dr i've been guilty of similar in the past but this situation certainly sounds like it calls for your dr to know the truth. Just make sure he treats you like a responsible adult there are plenty that don't!

You know what everyone is saying is right, doesn't make it any easier. Been there babe, at least with booze, and the thing is, he really can't treat you if he doesn't know whats happening! Would you want HIM to lie to you? If he gives you too bad a time, apart from the usual, be responsible stuff, and judges you, hes not the doc for you, (and he has to keep everything confidential anyway)Maybe treat it as a chance to just talk it over. You don't seem that comfortable with it, why not just talk, no harm in that?As long as he knows, you can maybe live the lifestyle you want to AND be healthy? And as far as I'm concerned, its not a failure, just another chance, don't beat yourself up, your'e only NEARLY perfect xxxxxxxxxxxx

« Last Edit: March 21, 2007, 09:50:49 PM by tigger2376 »

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I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

It was 3 years ago when I logged on for the first time. People were racking Jake (Jack) over the coals about something (political, I assume) and you never went for the bait. You kept the discourse civil and I think you were the 1st person Jake truly took a personal hankering to. I wrote you my first PM at that time, just thanking you for being so nice. You're still on top of my list of favorites here at PM and you always will be. I just mention this because I don't know what else to say. I'm not good at HARD LOVE. And I'm not good at not caring. But like Alan said, I love you and I care about you.

I'm not going to preach what's right and whats wrong Cliff, you are an intelligent man..you know what has to be done and you know what's best for you, but I would like to see you get this sorted out sooner rather than later.

Clifford, it's time for you to level with your doctor. I think it's time for you to come back home too. Can't have anything happening to you, I know you miss the food. Now start taking better care of yourself.

Cliff, you not used the word addiction, so I think we can leave that out unless you do. Sometimes, we just get into habits, patterns, which take a bit of work to change.

Perhaps, rather than a total ban, it’s more about making some changes to who you hang out with, how often, & where. If stuff is right under yer nose, so to speak, is much harder to avoid/decline..

There are some pretty cool things to do in London, which don’t have to involve any mind altering substances. And, there are some pretty cool people around to do those things with. One of them (admittedly, slightly lower end of the cool spectrum) lives not more than 20mins from you I reckon

card games, they are for Vegas, eh? give yr doc the info you both need to help keep you as well (& med free) as possible

I really don't have too much new to say. You really do need to talk honestly with your doctor as soon as possible. Sure, honesty with you doc is important, just because he needs information to properly take care of you. However -- consider the following too -- If your BP is elevated, in whole or in part, due to your drinking and drugging AND you were to successfully stop (even for a couple weeks or month) the drugs that your doc has you on could prove very dangerous to you. So, really you need to come clean with him.

As for stopping your drinking and drugging -- you haven't called yourself an addict, so I won't either. Of course when someone thinks they may drink too much and lies about and/or covers up their using, it should give some pause. I do know the difficulty in stopping though -- as I am an alcoholic. So, I will say this: If you continue to do what you've always done, you will continue to get what you always got. What does this mean?? If you want to quit or cut back, but keep doing your same routines, you're likely to keep getting the same results.

I'm pulling for you -- but there really is nothing else to say except -- YOU HAVE TO TALK TO YOU DOCTOR -- IT COULD BE A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH FOR YOU.

You have heard from a load of people that give a shit about you Cliff. Some you have met in person, and some have only met you through your words, left so generously here. You have been admonished any number of times to be straight with your doctor and tell him everything. Hmmmm, this leaves one person out of the conversation that must come first, and guess who that is Cliff. Yes, you need to have a conversation with that guy you see everyday in the mirror. There isn't a chance in hell that you are going to get victory over your partying, if you don't have the balls to face the guy who is the only one that can make any difference in the way his/your life is going.

Believe me, I am no saint, and I have been there and faced the dragon of _________ . Fortunately, I was saved by a man I didn't even know, but saw through presentations at work. All it takes is for us to change our internal conversation, and start respecting the host of our spirits, and then create a plan of action that we can stick with and see through.

You are worth it Cliff, and whatever has happened in the past that drives you to ignore that wonderful man we all know, then you need to put that behind you and deal with it and move on. You are not worthy of self destruction. I know, I have hugged you!!!

Love,

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The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,and 362 to heterosexuals.This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals, It's just that they need more supervision.Lynn Lavne

CliffIn the last year, I've managed to stop taking substances. I just wasn't enjoying it any more. That and thinking that I was making a complete tit of myself, taking time off work and when I was there, unable to function properly. Add to that a few collapses, mix in credit card and loan debts and friends screaming at me to slow down. There was no option.

I can't say, I never will. But a year later, I'm glad that's not part of my life.

The alcohol is another issue. I drink most days. Not to oblivion, but a bottle of wine a day and maybe a few beers on the side. Don't even to go out to enjoy myself. I should be drunk on that, but that's what you get for a sustained period of drinking.

Going out invariably means going to Soho for drinks.

I'm in this give up, fail, need a drink type scenario. Don't like it. It stresses me out and of course, that leads back to the wine.

I'm having my bloods taken tomorrow. Perhaps, the results will give me the kick up the derriere to do something different.

Cliff,I still drink every day, at noon, a glass of Chablis. That's all. In fact, I told my doctor ( and especially myself) that I could let go of all the drugs, but not my "péché mignon" a glass of Chablis every day!

Val______P.S. My Chablis, I buy directly from the producer in Bourgogne, though!

Cliff,I am sending you good thoughts and prayers to give you the strength to do what is best for you. It took courage to tell us, now take the next step and tell your doctor. Like Moffie said, you need to be honest with yourself before any change can happen.

I did read all of the messages in that thread and the PMs people sent to me. Can you tell everyone that I appreciate their advice, support and understanding. It means a lot to me and I will rely on it as I move to get better and sober.

Cliff,I am sending you good thoughts and prayers to give you the strength to do what is best for you. It took courage to tell us, now take the next step and tell your doctor. Like Moffie said, you need to be honest with yourself before any change can happen.

Christine

What Christine & Moffie said. Hang in there. It's just a bump in the road

WHEN YOU COME OUT OF THIS FUNK YOU'LL BE STRONGER, WISER, BETTER. Seriously

Dear Cliff...You have been through so much pressure over the past few years...Moving alot and far away and maybe things just caught up to you and you started doing stuff that's difficult to say no to...You have so many good folks here, myself included who know that you have so much to offer and give...Here's hoping you beat back those demons and get well soon.

Take care and be well big guy.

Jody

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"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world". "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

What I am about to say, you probably don't want to hear, or you have heard it before. First of all my thoughts got out to you, and I really hope that you are able to overcome these additive behaviors you have. I don't mean this to sound insensitive. I understand you are going through a lot...

I have read enough of your posts through the years,to know that your an intelligent guy, start using that head on your shoulders. I have known too many HIV infected guys through the years, that have died prematurely, because of excessive alcohol and drug use. HIV had nothing to do with their early demise, things were complicated because of their addictive behaviors.Yes, I know that being HIV positive may be responsible for the addictive behaviors, but somewhere along the line, you need to break the cycle, before the cycle breaks you. I just had a friend that past on last year due to liver failure. It was the alcohol that did him in, not the HIV infection, that he had for 20 years. He was a long term non-progressor I don't want to see you become a statistic. I understand this sounds a little harse, but I don't know any other way to say it to you.

You need to take care of yourself. You need to sit down, you need to talk, you need to be honest with your doctor, so that he may be able to help you and guide you in the proper direction.I can also understand, that with your personality, you may find that difficult to do, but you got to start somewhere. Perhaps a break from the forums is a good thing for you, I sincerely hope that you are able to get you life in order. Do this for yourself, your friends, your family, and your loved ones.

I agree with others. You need to be completely honest with your doc. about all of your substance abuse. Believe it or not my friend who was a serious meth addict had psychiatrists prescribing antipsychotics and they were completely clueless about his drug use. It's a miracle he didn't fry his brain and is now off drugs after a lengthy and expensive stay in rehab.

If you feel you have a problem, and it sounds like you do then look into all the options. 12 step programs aren't for everyone. Anytime you don't drink or do drugs is a step forward and don't let yourself feel you've failed completely or give up after one, two or even 2000 failed attempts. Keep plugging away at it.

I quit doing recreational drugs years ago on my own. Since the HIV diagnosis I still drink, but not nearly like I used to. Hell, if I can do it you can.

Some others in the past have recomended 12 step alternatives such as Rational Recovery and others that might better suit you.

I'm unclear what meds you are on or not now, but if you are partying too much it's going to impact your treatment especially if you aren't taking HIV meds properly.