Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A lot has happened and I’ve been a very bad blogger. The
girls and I actually had a discussion on the beach last week about the blog and
how to keep it going because we all feel like we’ve gotten a little boring.

Last week with the girls in Hawaii was awesome as usual. I
never get enough of them or Hawaii. This
was my first trip taking my kids and my mom and all in all it was really great.
The kids absolutely loved it there and my mom did too (until the end of the
week when she went temporarily insane but that’s a whole nother can of
worms). It was very cool to get to show
the kids “my Hawaii” and take them to do things like turtle stalk, snorkeling,
and exploring all the island has to offer. I think they would both love to live
there. Now if I could only convince Duckie lol.

Aside from that I’ve had some big issues come up with The
Christian. He’s got some severe insecurities
he needs to deal with. Insecurities that make him try to be controlling which I
buck against and when I don’t cave like his past girlfriends it makes the issues
implode more. It’s a weird relationship.
When we’re good, we’re freaking amazing.
Like out of the world awesome. But when we’re not good, it’s NOT
good. And I’ve found myself falling into
old habits of trying to please the other person to a level where it becomes
detrimental to me. I try so hard to be
what I think the other person wants that I forget who I am.

I realized a big part of this sitting on the beach with the
girls last week. We were dancing around
talking about The Christian and I can’t remember what started it but both Jules
and Gwyn expressed serious concerns with what little they have heard and they
both told me I seemed different.
Unhappy. Stressed. Just not the normal Miranda. That was a real
wake up call to me.

The next day, I told The Christian I wasn’t talking to him
again until my feet left Hawaii. He didn’t
like it and he texted me a few times in the following days but I kept distance
between us. Sunday he picked me and the
kids up from the airport and we spent some time together that felt awkward but
ended on a good note. Monday
afternoon/night was awesome. Everything
was smooth, easy, and felt insanely perfect.
Then last night it all flipped again and it was not good. I told him I was not going to talk an issue
to death and asked him to leave last night. To give me space to figure out what
I wanted.

I was damn proud of myself for doing that. The Christian and his insecurities are
freaked out right now. He called me this
morning to beg my forgiveness and ask me to see him tonight and I said no. I told him I didn’t want to see or talk to
him right now. That I felt like I was pushed over my limits and I needed
space. I told him we could talk in the
next couple days but to leave me entirely alone until then. No texting, no
calling, no emailing. Nothing. I need
space and room to figure out what the hell to do.

If when things were good they weren’t SOOOO GOOD, it’d be a
lot easier to walk away. I know he has
some serious insecurities’ but it’s not my job to fix them, nor do I want to. I’ve
worked too hard on fixing my own to get dragged down and mired in someone else’s
drama. I do have incredibly strong
feelings for him, but I can’t “fix” him. He has to do that himself. So I’m going
to take the next few days to remember who I am and what I want. We’ll see where we go from there.

About Us

Jules and Miranda met in middle school and stayed friends through high school. Early in 2010, they both realized that their decade long marriages were splitting up at the same time and they reconnected and started the blog. Gwyn and Miranda met through work and bonded over many personal crises and a shared sick sense of humor. After confessing about the blog, Gwyn was in for the ride to share her own special experiences with boys and she and Jules became friends. Josie has been friends with Jules and Miranda basically forever and is the newest member of our blog. We are all In different places, literally and figuratively, but we always seem to rise to the occasion. And so our story goes... Email us at infidelitychronicles@gmail.com.