DEALING WITH URINE TESTS ON SHORT NOTICE [ ..Updated ..] By Dale Gieringer, California NORML(unchanged)
While we strongly oppose drug use on the job, we think no
one should be forced to urine testing, especially for
marijuana. Aside from launching a legal challenge, your
best defense against urine testing is to be clean.
Unfortunately, this may be difficult since
urine tests can
detect marijuana 3-10 days after a single use, and 4-6
weeks or more for heavy chronic users. If you are in the
job market, it is prudent to expect to be tested and avoid
marijuana. However, recognizing that many of you face
drug testing on short notice, we offer the following
advice for emergencies with our best wishes (but no
promises!)

WASH YOURSELF OUT: The general strategy for passing urine
tests is to
increase your fluid intake and urine flow so
as to dilute the concentration of THC metabolyte in your
urine below the threshold of detection. In the days or
hours preceding the test, you should wash yourself out by
drinking plenty of fluids. Water is fine - contrary to
popular rumor, drinking vinegar doesn't help.

You can boost your fluid output by taking
diuretics, which
stimulate urination. The most potent diuretics are
prescription drugs, widely used for high blood pressure.
Weak diuretics of dubious efficacy are found in certain
over-the-counter products, such as premenstral pills for
water retention. Contrary to rumor,
phenylpropanolamine,
the active ingredient in
Dexatrim, is
not a diuretic and
is likely to make you
test positive for amphetamines.
Other weak diuretics include
coffee, cranberry juice,
beer, and other health food products and herb tinctures.
While some people take diuretics for several days to flush
themselves, they are probably most useful in the hours
leading up to the test when you want to produce plenty of
urine. Beware that diuretics can be dangerous to certain
persons, such as
diabetics, pregnant women, and people
suffering from kidney dysfunctions, and can lead topotassium deficiencies if taken over extended periods.

THE NIGHT BEFORE the test drink lots of liquid - as much
as you can stand. Be sure to
empty your bladder the next
morning, since urine that accumulates overnight tends to
be "dirty." Prepare for the test by
loading up again on
lots of fluid. Boost this with a diuretic if possible.

If you're
taking the test on short notice without time to
wash out beforehand, the following method has been
suggested by a former army drug testing
officer [Robert
Freeman, "How to Beat a Drug Test," *High Times*, August,
1988). Take an
80-milligram dose of the prescription
diureticLasix (furosemide); take a hefty drink of water;piss two or three times; then take the test.
(Again, the
caution above regarding the dangers of diuretics to some
individuals applies.)

One slight hitch with urine dilution is that
some labs are
suspicious of the clear, watery urine it produces. You
can fix this by taking
50 or 100 milligrams ofvitamin B-2(available in B-Complex multivitamins) which will color
your
urine yellow for a couple of hours. Contrary to
popular rumor,
vitamin Cdoesn't help.

If you are lucky and didn't smoke too much pot, a good
washout may get you past a test on a weekend notice.

DRUG SCREENS: You may be able to improve your odds with a
couple of new, experimental techniques that have been
alleged to temporarily masks traces of marijuana and other
commonly tested drugs. Please beware that these methods
have not been tested in controlled scientific studies,
only in informal freelance investigations, and while
encouraging news has been reported, such stories are
notoriously unreliable.

ZINC SULFATE: It has been suggested that drug use can be
masked by the mineral supplement zinc sulfate. The idea
is that
zincattaches
to drug molecules through a process
known aschelation, screening them from urine and
diverting them to feces. Regular smokers have reported
passing urine tests
within 48-72 hours of last smoking
after washing themselves out and taking zinc sulfate.
Zinc sulfate should be taken while loading up on liquids
in the hours before the test. Avoid taking too many
solids. Investigators have used dosages of
250 milligrams
of zinc sulfate two times before the test, once the night
before and a second a couple of hours before the test.BEWARE,doses above this level can cause a toxic reaction,
and chronic, prolonged use may cause copper deficiencies
and other health problems. Zinc sulfate is available in
tablets from pharmacists or in a more expensive solution
known as
Zinc Challenge, sold in health food stores.

DRUG FREE: Customers have reported success with a
mysterious product known as
Test Free, which guarantees to
clear any drug testing or money back. Regular pot users
have reported passing within hours of last smoking,
although the manufacturer,
Zydot Unlimited Inc.,
recommends abstaining for a day or two beforehand.
Unfortunately, Zydot has been highly secretive about the
contents of its product, other than to say that the FDA
has approved its ingredients as "generally recognized as
safe." Test Free
requires at least an hour or two advance
preparation, including drinking lots of liquids, and is
guaranteed to mask all drugs for at least four hours.

In addition, other products have begun to appear on the
market, including
Naturally Klean from
Houston
Enterprises, making the same claims as Test Free. It is
possible that they contain the same ingredient, however we
have no way to tell at this time.

NORML has no financial interest in either company. For
more information on these products, simply contact the
suppliers at: Zydot Unlimited Inc., Box 9485, Tulsa, OK
74157 (918) 747-2400; Houston Enterprises, PO Box 27776,
Tempe, AZ 85285 (602) 968-0773.TAMPERING:
The preceding methods are all something of anordeal and thus mainly useful in emergencies. Another
tact used by some people is to
tamper with the sample.
Ethical issues aside, tampering can be highly risky,
especially as
urination is being observed. For the
adventurous,
Abbie Hoffman's book*Steal This Urine Test*has full instructions on how to rig yourself up with a
plastic bag to substitute clean urine.

Another, less cumbersome trick to foil the test is
spiking
the sample. This only works on the
standard EMIT test,
the most commonly used pre-employment screen, and is not
always successful. It does not work for the
Radio-Imune
Assay (RIA)used by the armed services, nor the
Gas
Chromatograph/Mass Spectrometer (GC/MS). Scientific
studies found that
certain substances interfere with the
EMIT test to make it appear negative.
Six to ten drops of
bleach, detergent, or blood, or a few bleach or Drano
crystals concealed under the fingernails are said to do
the trick. However, anyone trying this should
practice
beforehand and beware that personnel may inspect for
smell, color, clarity, temperature and content.

Yet another sexy little text file
brought to you by Rusty and The Italic
Squirrels. Written by Suid Lizard and Rhesus Monkey, edited by Captain Ross.

This text file was written for entertainment purposes only. Just because
somebody reads this text does not mean that they should try anything in it.
This
file does not, nor does it's authors, advocate the use of drugs, or anything
like that. Even though you shouldn't try this, but you do anyway, it isn't
our
fault if you get busted. Maybe it was YOUR mistake that got you screwed.
Maybe
your piss was too clean for you to fake, maybe this whole text file is a
load of
bullshit, you just don't know, so don't try this until you've done some
research
in this sort of thing. Don't do drugs. Don't break the law. Don't wear dead
elephants as hats. Don't do anything you wouldn't want your grandmother to
do.
Don't do anything.

By reading further into this text you certify that you are not a law
enforcement
officer, an employee of the federal government, or an acquaintance of an
employee of the federal government, or even an acquaintance of an
acquaintance
of an employee of the federal government. You certify that you are not Suid
Lizard or Captain Ross's mom, or anyone else's mom. You certify that you are
not
under 18 years of age. You certify that you are not over 18 years of age.
You
certify that you are not 18 years of age. If any or all of the above
statements
does not apply to you, then do not read further into this file, delete it if
it
happens to be on your hard or floppy disks, and leave whatever site or BBS
or
whatever it is you downloaded it from.

Well, now that I've excluded about 99.9% of the population, all that should
be
left are super intelligent cyborgs from the future, spider monkeys, and
contract
violators who have let go of all their rights concerning this file.

The information in this file will not make you clean again if you smoked a
joint
the week before the test. It will only help a little, giving your sample the
push it needs to pass. I'm not including a metabolite half life table, or
what
to do if you have weeks and weeks until tested, because there are tons of
long,
boring files with that information. If I had that information here, I'd be
writing a long boring file, and I know you don't need that.

So, you say that you have a drug test coming up in a week or so. You're
system
is juiced with metabolites, and you need to make sure you have clean piss so
you
can get a job, or whatever. There IS something you can do to save you're
hide.

Let's assume that you aren't gonna borrow you're friend's sample, and that
you
aren't going to inject clean urine into your bladder (it's been done.) There
are
other ways to lower your count

Sort of Last Second

First thing you need to do is start drinking a lot of water.
A LOT. While this
won't really be necessary until a day or less before you're tested, it's a
good
idea to get into the habit. This does not clean metabolites out of your
system.
It only dilutes your urine,
so that it looks like there's less THC in you than
there really is.

There IS a problem with dilution, though, in that it can be seen fairly easily
by normal testing methods. When you
dilute too much your urine becomes
clear,
and concentrations of certain key chemicals, mainly creatine and acids,
go way
down, making you a suspect of dilution.

Lucky for you, I'm going to disclose the secret of avoiding detection. As
soon
as you know you're going to be tested, go down to the drug store and get B-vitamin supplements,
particularly B-12 and B-2.
Start taking these at above
the normal dosage (double?) as soon as you buy them. The excess B vitamins
will
be expelled from your system by way of the urine, and it will color your urine a
darker color of yellow. Next, start
elevating your creatine levels.
Eating red
meat and being sexually active will
both help a small amount, but there is no
way to really raise your creatine levels (NOTE: You can always buy creatine
at
GNC or wherever, but I've heard that you can get all messed up taking it and
your body stops making it. But then again, what the fuck do I know?) Many
people
have naturally low creatine levels, and have failed the testing because of
it.

There are two advantages of taking
aspirin. Not only does it make your
urine
more acidic, it also has been known to
mask certain parts of the spectrum
that
urine testing checks. This is also
good. Take 4 aspirins
the day of the test, 5
or 6 hours before they take your
sample.

Finally, here's the fact that will make this text stand out above the rest.
Everybody out there tells you to
excursive hard and burn fat cells
before the
test. Thing is, they assume that you have a month or so notification.
Excursive
does burn fat cells, but it just puts
more THC metabolites into your blood
and urine.
Your blood and urine are cleaned faster than your fat, but that's because
they're peed out in a more
concentrated fashion, so it's more
easily detected in
urine.

If you're really caught off guard and are being tested within the next 6 or
so
days, you should cover you're fat
reserves with more clean fat. This
will make
sure that more of the fat that's being turned over does not release THC into
you're system. Gaining more fat cells means being inactive, eating a lot of
bacon, fried cheese, and bacon with fried cheese on it.

For Real Last Second

It's the morning of the test,
and you're not taking any chances about your urine
stats. First thing you should do in
the morning is take a piss. Second
thing is grab a big huge glass of water.
Third is drink it.
The first urine of the day is
the dirtiest,
so it shouldn't be the one you submit to your labs. Try and piss
twice before you go to the piss police.

So, you're in the clinic now. The nurse just told you to fill a cup with
urine,
but you're not quite sure if you've made the metabolite cut. There are a few
little tricks that you can do to take the edge of you're sample. First thing
is
to not use the urine in the beginning
of your stream or the end. These are
the
dirtiest parts. Use just the middle
(making sure you get enough). Also try doping* your sample with water
just a little. Your main concern when doping is
that the temperature doesn't
drop below 90 degrees
(90 is the bare minimum) and
that the urine doesn't
become so clear and white
that it looks freaky. When you
add water, try and make it sorta warm,
so it doesn't screw up your temperature.
If you already lowered the temp. too much, there's something you can still
do.
Close up the bottle and hold it under
running warm tap water to heat up it's
contents. Here's a trick if you need to know what temperature the water is.
Put
your hand under it. Adjust the temperature until you can't decide whether
the
water feels hot or cold. When you reach this equilibrium your hand thinks
the
water is about at body temperature. Your hand is wrong. The reading is
different
for every person, but for me it's usually around 90 degrees. Things that can
screw up your temperature estimating other than your self include the
temperature of the room, and whether you had to make the water hotter or
colder
to get to the temp. you're at now. Experiment to see how it works for you.

If you're really in a pinch, you could steal your sample from the tray. IN
the
place where I get tested, they leave the samples right out in the open, and
I
could yoink it, if I wanted. I'm not even sure if they'd re-test you, but at
least it would buy you some time. You could act pissed (no pun intended) and
say
you're only free for some time.

*There are other ways of doping, adding stuff to your sample to make it seem
clean, than just adding water. I've heard a lot of things, but it seems to
me
that adding something to your piss that isn't normally in piss is a bad idea
to
begin with. I wouldn't recommend anything other that water, personally.

Well, that's it. You can e-mail Suid
at suid_lizard@yahoo.com, and rhesus at
rhesusmunkey@yahoo.com

*If anyone contributed this text to a search engine, search for the
following
string to see if there are more of my files for you to find.
"rhese589ndeeboiyzz6547fneerjabbler"

Note1:I represented the files as
it is without alliterating any letter,even the comments and warnings

Note2:ULTIMATE BLEND
and many other products acts through the diuretic effect..