You may think that Jennifer Aniston is totally cool with the impending nuptials of her ex-husband Brad Pitt and manhunter extraordinaire Angelina Jolie, but anonymous sources know better and say it's just a ruse so she can get a head start on trumping their happiness by getting married to Justin Theroux first. With no fixed date for the Jolie-Pitt marriage, Aniston jumped on the first private jet bound for Crete — where her dad was born, natch — to scope out possible locations for her own for sure/alleged, secret wedding. It's looking set to go down at the Elounda Beach Hotel, where you can get a "dedicated consultant," paperwork, civil or religious ceremony, bridal bouquet, decorations, a bottle of champagne and dessert (for bride and groom only) for the bargain basement price of $2,300. Though she's still sussing out other options because "she has connections on the other side of the island," that sounds like a good deal for finally winning the imaginary war that's been going on since her first marriage ended. [TMZ]

You know what's more tedious than the endless talk that Angelina Jolie is a heartless, husband-stealing bitch? Chelsea Handler's endless talk about Angelina Jolie being a heartless, husband-stealing bitch. "You just know as a woman, when you see another woman, if that's a woman you can trust," says Jennifer Aniston's best friend when asked to describe the opposite of a girl's girl. "Probably Angelina Jolie . . . She doesn't strike me as someone I would have a close friendship with." [Page Six]
While we're all talking and reading about Angelina Jolie she once again shows that she couldn't give a fuck/spends her days doing something a bit more noteworthy by talking to refugees in Colombia. [Radar]

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After having a bit of a tanty and pulling the plug on her Twitter account because some fan site leaked tracks from her new album/the voices in her head told her to, Nicki Minaj kinda, sorta suggested she might quit music for good with this cryptic, annoyingly third-person interview she gave BBC Radio. "People aren't even giving the kid props for taking it back to the essence," she said. "This is my fourth mixtape. The kid did like that so she could feed her fans. But really, now the kid is thinking maybe she should leave the game." [Vulture]

Following a fight with one of her fan sites, which leaked music from her new album, Nicki Minaj…
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"Someone That I Used To Know" singer and stealth Crap Email From a Dude writer Gotye — aka Wally de Backer — was pretty nonplussed with Matt Bomer and Darren Criss's cover of his hit on Glee. "They did such a faithful arrangement of the instrumentals but the vocals were that pop Glee style, ultra-dry, sounded pretty tuned and the rock has no real sense," he said. "Like it's playing to you from a cardboard box." [E!]

"Someone That I Used To Know" by Gotye, a man so heartbroken that he can't spell…
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You'd think that the constant comparisons to Sex And The City might start to become annoying to the creators of Girls but you'd be wrong, with Lena Dunham saying she'd kill to have them cameo on the show. "We acknowledge that this show couldn't exist without Sex And The City. These are girls who were raised on Sex And The City. It's a part of why they're all moving to New York," she said. "Maybe we can have something like Miranda drinking a smoothie and walking by the gym. But maybe it's something you save for the series' finale. You know, it's this amazing moment where they're just sitting at a table in the background." But she realizes that the chances are on the slim side. "I feel like they probably come with a hair and makeup team we can't afford." [E!]

After the success of his role in the touching melodrama Get Him To The Greek, Sean Combs is looking for another opportunity to see his mug on the big screen. [Page Six]

A couple of horny ladies at the Cinema Society premiere of The Lucky One were quick to vocalize their disappointment that Zac Efron keeps his shirt on a lot in the movie. [Page Six]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's downright creepy to hear Zac Efron discuss his preferred pick-up moves (buy a lady a drink). He'll be forever 16 in my mind. [Us]

After breaking off her engagement to Jamie Belman, Petra Nemcova has been crying on the shoulder of her annoying ex-lover, Sean Penn. [Page Six]

Totally unsurprising newsflash! Jessica Simpson wants y'all to know she's still pregnant. "To everyone who keeps congratulating me on the birth of my baby girl … I'm still pregnant!!" she wrote on the Twitters. "Don't believe what you read my ladies and gents." That child is either going to eat its way out with the full set of teeth it now certainly has, or Rapunzel its way out of there. [NYDN]

You may know him as that kid from Glee, but Chris Colfer looks set to be that kid who writes and stars in amazing movies after his first feature Struck By Lightning took the Tribeca Film Festival by storm. Which is a lazy, cliché description but fitting considering the movie's title. [E!]

I don't know what you were doing over the weekend, but Halle Berry was busy getting herself a curly new 'do. [E!]

Between Arrested Development and their new movie Mansome, Will Arnett admits to seeing every inch of Jason Bateman. [E!]

Outing himself as a pretty big Ryan Gosling fan, Josh Hutcherson named his adorable puppy after the Gozzle's character in Drive, Driver. [Us]

UK roustabout Peaches Geldof has given birth to her first child, a son called Astala. The kid's father is S.C.U.M. singer Thomas Cohen. "My little boy is the most beautiful thing in this world," she Tweeted. "When he holds @tomfromscum's finger with his hand its the sweetest thing ever." Extra points for the bit of Twitter publicity thrown @tomfromscum's way. [Us]

Those hoping to see Twilight actor Kiowa Gordon's ill-gotten dick shots are in for some sad news, the website hosting them has been purchased by an anti-bullying company and taken down. [TMZ]

Shannen Doherty wouldn't mind having kids but fears her dogs are already quite the handful. That or they might maul any wee one they bring home. [People]

Lane Garrison ex-girlfriend, Ashley Mattingly has had him arrested on suspicion of domestic violence, but he maintains his innocence – he says he only put his hands on her shoulders, "put her in a chair," and then left. Which is not creepy and abusive at all. [TMZ]