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Funky Winkerbean, 12/4/18

Ha ha, this story has gotten more off-putting more quickly than even I could’ve predicted. It’s only day two and we’re learning that Funky’s dad definitely fucks. The expressions in the final panel are a real journey: Funky’s is the face of a man thinking “Holy shit, my dad fucks?” and the receptionist’s is the smirk of a woman thinking “Heh heh, this guy’s unpleasant old dad fucks … and I’m telling everybody.”

Kevin and Kell, 12/4/18

Oh, hey, by the way: the furries of Kevin and Kell? They don’t just kill and eat one another; they also fuck. They also talk to … a … tree, via some kind of … intercom system? But don’t let that distract you from the important thing, which is that they fuck.

Meanwhile, in Judge Parker, Neddy has fled in failure and disgrace to the family compound, but is tired of hearing from everyone in her family about how she really needs to stop fleeing in failure and disgrace to the family compound, and so needs to go to the maid for emotional reassurance. Why should she even need Marie’s number? Isn’t the whole point of a maid that they’re always close enough that you can summon them by ringing a bell or clapping loudly and order them to bring you soup or tell you that you’re pretty and smart?

Mark Trail, 12/4/18

Looks like Cool Motorcycle Guy (or, to use his “government name,” Raul) is about to fall to his death. It seems somebody’s getting his just desserts for violating the number one rule of jungle karma: never insult a toucan.

Dennis the Menace, 12/4/18

Mr. Wilson had hated Dennis’s constant intrusions into his life for years, of course. But he finds his presence strangely comforting these days, now that Martha finally left him.

Luann-“Except your fly’s open.” “I’m trying to get an ‘A’. This is our version of showing cleavage.”

RMMD-“I might run away with this meal and marry it. I’d do it too. I’m into some freaky things.”

Phantom-OHHH! The dramatic sealing and addressing of the envelope scene.

MW-“Lady, your Jeff will be staying away for a long time. Now let’s talk about some friends of mine who need a place to stay.”

MT-Missed it by that much.

JP-“Hello, Mary Worth.”

FC-“Uh, yes. My barber cut my hair really close back there.”

Spiderman-Can you guys carry on your conversation somewhere else? I don’t know if you know but you are in a massive city with millions of people around you. Stop standing where ever you are and let those people pass.

Phantom: How long has it taken Kit to write this stupid letter home from sleep-away camp? Three weeks? Good grief, most 12-year-old kids with an IQ not less than one standard deviation below average can get it done in fifteen, maybe twenty minutes, tops. Heloise, better start thinking about how to rock a Phantom mask and unitard without giving off too much of a BDSM vibe for family newspapers — and how to explain to the tribesmen and villains of Bangalla why the immortal Phantom decided to get a sex-change operation after lo these 400 years!

MW: “Don’t get me wrong, it was a great evening, baby. Now here’s some cab fare, Libby, that should be enough to get you back to the shelter. ”
“Meow.”
” Well, sure one more time for the road. Just make sure you scratch me…there. “

FW: I don’t know where this plot is going exactly, but if it doesn’t involve a scene in which Funky walks in on his dad humping another octogenarian, I’m going to be disappointed. Bonus points if it’s two of them.

MW: So, which one of Mary’s pathetic acquantainces is the cat going to be pawned off on? “Here Wilbur, this cat should provide some much-needed companionship in your lonely life!” “But Mary, I’m also alergic to cats! Deathly aller-” “Yes, no doubt Libby will change your life..!”

JP: It’s nice that this strip takes a moment to pause the plot every couple weeks to take the time to remind you that their protagonists are just awful, terrible people.

MT: So, is CMG there wearing chaps, or did he…what’s the opposite of shitting yourself?

JP: “I need someone who can really give advice. I can’t believe I don’t have Marie’s number. What was her last name? Worf?”

MT: Never mind the fall, I’m pretty sure hitting the side of the building rammed all six of those vest-knives between his ribs.

Luann: Are these two seriously flirting about each other’s inability to properly clean and dress themselves after urinating? Even Marvin never goes this low.

Pluggers: Whoa, what’s this? Why isn’t Dogman sitting with Henwife? Is he spying on her? Who is she cheating on him with? It’s Rhinoman, isn’t it? He’s been pawning his electronics so he can afford to bang middle-aged chickenwomen on the sly.

Notice how the cat’s “dialogue” is entirely in narrative captions? That’s a clue to the fact that it’s ENTIRELY IN MARY’S HEAD. The cat’s speech and the cat itself. It’s all a psychodrama she’s conjured up out of instinctive terror at ever being anything close to happy and contented.

@6 Uncle Lumpy: Name the restaurant Old Fads and watch the Pluggers swarm the place. Then leave when they don’t see self-service steam tables as far as the eye can see.*
* As far as Plugger eyes can see is, what, 10 feet uncorrected?

@15 pugfuggly: on Funky Winkerbean: I could live quite nicely without seeing that scene.

Stumpy Wankyerbean: “What? My old man is getting it on in the Old Folks Home? I’m thirty years younger, and haven’t had a woody since I used to jerk my gherkin, watching the cheerleaders shower through the peep hole in high school!”

The stork brings the babies and that penis is only for peeing. Seeing as how Funky had his balls removed so that he could sing with the Westfield Castrato Choir and Pizza Delivery Boys, it is not too unbelievable.

Funky Winkerbean: That smirk! She has totally done Old Man Winkerbean.

Kevin and Kell: This is the benefit of covering the “furry creatures and intercoms” beat: most other strips on the comics page could not get away with a pregnancy test, much less fear of an wanted pregnancy. Not to mention, “You never examined any of my sticks with such intensity!” whatever perverted thing that might mean.

@Baka Gaijin: on Funky Winkerbean: I could live quite nicely without seeing that scene.

Actually, the scene that I really had in my head was a redux of the Las Vegas sequence in The Godfather, where an exasperated orderly tells Funky that he had to smack his dad around a bit, he was banging candystripers two at a time!

Love the goth Christmas tree in Funky Winkerbean. The darkest green tree they could find, to remind you of the inky blackness that awaits you. The stark white lighting, to remind you of the institutional setting you’re going to die in. The grey trimming, made from the hair the dying once treasured, shorn from them as a final indignity before death. Merry Funkmas!

Slylock Yappy Fox: Now that all bets are off with Josh reading Kevin & Kell, I feel the second Six Differences picture should have the lion lying back on a bed of newly knawed bones with the terrified rabbit in a Princess Lea slave outfit fanning Leo with a giant leaf fan. I think that’s six– 1) missing animals 2) bone bed 3) slave outfit 4) large fan 5) relaxed and content fed lion 6) Lion pot belly.

FW: “Yes, I’m living proof that my father has *ever* had sexual intercourse. But look at me. I look and act like I have one foot in the grave. I live in a town where cancer and medical malpractice run rampant. Would anyone looking at me guess that my father was still *alive*, much less sexually promiscuous?”

K&K: Why did the hedgehog not use protection? What problems could she have had with condoms…. oh I see

JP: Dropping all you psychological problems on your maid? That’s a lot of emotional labour! And if there is anything the Parker-Spencer stand for, is underpaying labour

DtM: “You should just hang your… wedding pictures up here.” Dennis was so close to being actually menacing!

MW: Again with the square balloon? Is the twist that Libby has been the narrator all along and she has narrated these last eighty years to prove that Mary was a horrible person, that’s why she abandoned her? Because we got the gist many decades ago

FW: “In order to convince your father’s hos to use protection, we have to show them the horrible consequence of unprotected sex with him. Could you walk around and present yourself?”

“Your marriage is dead Mr. Wilson and he belongs here in the attic with the other mementos of the unwanted past. In fact Mr. Wilson, why don’t you just stay up here. Don’t worry, I’ll leave the light on. For a while.” That’s Edgar Allan Poe level menacing.

Was it really necessary to show Mary in her lingerie, lolling on the bed, thinking about Dr. Jeff, and stroking her pussy. Even the Internets have standards that you will not find, not even on the deepest darkest web page.

Hagar, the Horrible Comic Strip: Hagar needs to remind himself that dogs experience time at a rate of 7X compared to humans. A minute in our time must be, like, what, a million years or something for a dog. Or maybe it’s a nanosecond, I forget. I’m not good with math.

In October, we saw Nan-Lyn and Arthur passionately kissing throughout the premiere of Arthur’s “Reverie.” Afterwards, Nan-Lyn told Arthur she had lost her heart to him, and Arthur called her the love of his life. Yet soon afterward, Edda suggested to Nan-Lyn that Arthur might have written the “Reverie” for her. Nan-Lyn found this incomprehensible.

Within the last 10 days, Arthur pointed out a poster for open auditions for “The Yeomen of the Guard” and said that he had always wanted to sing the role of Jack Point. Yesterday and today, Nan-Lyn told him that he should audition to play Jack Point in “The Yeomen of the Guard.” Arthur’s reaction: “What? … You’re putting me on.”

I’m not talking about forgetting details of the plot from years ago. The characters don’t seem to remember what happened last week in real time, and probably even more recently in comic strip time.

Thank you for writing and asking for advice. While I can’t solve your immediate problem, you can make yourself feel better by stripping naked and slathering yourself with mayonnaise. Please send me photos so I can make sure you have followed my instructions.

Okay, I think I’ve finally figured out what was wrong — I had some really ugly malware on my phone and it was blacklisting my IP address… When I started to get admin bans from other sites I’m not even registered at…

I don’t know if my Google account is also tainted, so I’m trying to slowly examine all my platforms to make sure this never happens again… So hopefully when the dust settles I’ll be back sooner rather than later. Any suggestions to help with the scrubbing are appreciated.

GT: In addition to assistant-coaching, it looks like Kaz holds down the Peruvian history chair at Milford High. Also enjoying his stunned speechlessness in panel 3 — did Joe really just call him stupid?

Mary Worth: Mary must be wearing one hell of a supportive bra in bed, for there not to be any saggage to that old-lady bosom she sports. Indeed, judging by where her right boob is pointing, the underwire would appear to be attached to a filament anchored to the ceiling – either that, or the undergarment utilizes some kind of anti-gravity ray unknown to modern science.

FW: You know, if some smirking receptionist started making cracks about a relative’s sex life in a public area, I would … oh, never mind, it’s the Funkyverse, smirking while saying totally inappropriate things is just Tuesday.

OK, but IIRC if you are the person I am thinking you are, the rest of us can’t say your user name without getting our comments held for moderation. How would this malware have caused that? Are you saying that we are ALL infected??

Funky Winkerbean: The receptionist is clearly one of FW Sr.’s conquests. She’s going to tell FW Jr. to emphasize the “limit your partners” aspect of safe sex so she can have Mr. Wrinkledbeans all to herself.

Dennis the Menace: “I mean, look at those ruffled sleeves. Clearly you two got married before Vera Wang came on the scene.” – Dennis the Slaaaaying Bitch

If anything, I would think that Mr. Wilson is the Montresor character in this strip.

The thousand injuries of Dennis I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge…

Though given how lonely Mr. Wilson’s life seems to be, I can imagine him bricking himself in with the lad, so that he can spend the rest of their lives sitting in an armchair reading a newspaper huffily while theatrically ignoring Dennis’s increasingly frantic, desperate wisecracks.

Let’s see what Mister Wilson keeps in his attic! An antique-looking record player, probably worth some serious money to a hipster. A tennis racket, golf club, and umbrella, stored in a very nice barrel, which is also probably worth some money and must have been a pain to get up those stairs. The ashes of his last victim, stored in a tasteful vase. Hats, presumably from recent victims. A bowl full of tibia (tibiae? tibias? tibii?), presumably from prior victims. His latest victim, wrapped up in a carpet, ready for disposal. The only question left is whether Dennis is the next victim, or the next protégé.

MT 1: If Biker Raul buys the farm that means he’ll never get his well-earned taste of the Fist-o-Justice. That just leaves Siesta Joe and he’s no test for Mark’s pugilistic prowess, plus he doesn’t have the required facial hair.

MT 2: Since it’s already been an established plot point that Raul has a phobia about small vermin and creepy crawlies, it would be fitting that the skylight he’s about to fall through be a terrarium for a collection of venomnous snakes and big, hairy-legged tarantulas. As he runs into the street screaming, he steps into the path of Joes speeding ice cream truck.

Funky Winkerbean: Apparently elderly dudes in retirement homes do quite well for themselves — because the fact that women live longer puts men in short supply. What’s weird is the employee’s implication that Funky’s dad isn’t just sleeping with multiple old ladies, but is knocking them up.

Kevin and Kell: You know the old joke: How do porcupines have sex? Not carefully enough, apparently!

Mary Worth: I believe I’m “allergic” to this image of Mary in a flimsy nightgown. Can I also run away screaming now?

Mark Trail: Who wants to bet that when Raul falls through that glass skylight, his broken body will land right in the middle of a fancy society party? How embarrassing!

Dennis the Menace: Dennis thinks he’s gotten the upper hand by making fun of Mr. Wilson’s age and precious childhood treasures. But Mr. Wilson really just invited him to the attic because he knows the small boy won’t last very long breathing dust from 1950s-era fiberglass insulation.

@GeoGreg: #71: Bikers can be a bass ackwards group. They’ll spend maybe 15 to 20 grand on their Harley, another 10 to 15 grand on custom accessories, 1 to 2 grand on a set of custom riding leathers (which include chaps), and then protect their heads with a two dollar rag.

MT: it’s crossover time. That skylight is above Jordan’s restaurant. He will wind up sprawled across Jordan and Michelle’s table. This will lead to an epiphany for Jordan as to the menu of said restaurant.

ASM: What is the power of a Mack truck in the Marvel universe? Is it the power to make long honking sounds? Can it be the ability to speed down interstate highways? I know! It’s the ability to detach his caboose and take on new loads. I’m really looking forward to the new Netflix series: Luke Cage: Long-Distance Mother Trucker.

6C: If her subordinates can disguise his or her identity on interoffice emails, she better watch out whose lunch she’s snaffling from the break room.

Cranky: Do mall Santas really make great money? Or is Cranky being paid by Amazon to drive customers online?

JP- You don’t have Marie’s number Neddy? That seems to be a bad oversight on your part. I mean, how are you going to call her when she’s late for work and point out “Hey, my oatmeal isn’t gonna make it’s self!”

MT- Raul is gonna find out what the consequences are for giving Mia Wallace a foot massage.

Most Mack trucks have superhuman strength and speed. The average Mack truck can take a bullet without being destroyed and has the endurance to haul tons of mass over long distance without tiring. However, the most insidious power of a Mack truck is its innate ability to force humans to exposit freely and without hesitation.

The only reason why he is doing this is because he is being subtly manipulated by Luke Cage’s Mack truck-like psionics. So whenever you’re outside and you see a Mack truck driving by, just remember that the only reason you’re not on your hands and knees explaining your life story to it is because that truck has CHOSEN to be merciful.

MARK TRAIL: Raoul, don’t forget — a few years ago, Peter Parker fell from *the top of the freakin’ Empire State Building* to the ground level and wasn’t even hurt! So, you should be able to — huh? Well, yes, he *did* have that advantage — but don’t despair! Perhaps, in mid-fall here, you will encounter a radioactive spider! Let’s just hope it’s a quick biter!

//// Yes, I know that M.J. fell with Peter, and that none of Peter’s powers had anything to do with their safety — they just landed in a soft heap of garbage in a wagon or something — but I’m enjoying messing with Raoul’s mind. And I won’t have much more time to do so, since it’s going to split open on the sidewalk in a couple more seconds!

PHANTOM: Given that The Phantom’s line has stretched back unbrokenly for a couple of dozen generations (even if the first few were in South Asia instead of Africa), I can’t help wondering who owns the rights to those first six post office boxes in Mawitaan. I suppose The Wandering Jew might be one, though I don’t know how often he would be likely to wander down to Bangalia.

Luann: While you were checking out his package, he was checking out another guy’s ass. I think you can kiss this relationship goodbye, except kissing is forbidden under the Evansverse version of Sharia Law.

Brooke gets paid by the panel and not by the word. He finally figured out to just fill one panel with Xeroxed characters, have a little bit of text, and then fill in other panels with some bland background color.

In Kevin and Kell they _live_ in the talking tree, so it comments by intercom, rather than the voice coming from the walls (where the *@! is a tree’s vocal cords?)

Also, not only do the furries have sex, they can produce children who are a cross between the parents: a carnivorous rabbit or a flying hedgehog. What is their world going to look like in a few generations when wolves/cats/rabbits/bats/etc have all mixed?

REX MUNDANE, Hoo.Ha. : “Glad you like the chicken. I was going to get them locally sourced, but this guy named ‘Smif’ way over in Hootin’ Holler turned out to be able to supply them so very, very cheapily that I couldn’t pass up the deal. I can’t even imagine how he can be making any profit, unless he’s somehow getting them for free.”

“Old Fads will definitely be my go-to if I ever develop a craving for Beef Wellington with sun-dried tomatoes and pesto, with a side of cheese fondue.”

The first Mrs. Shrug just reported to me a couple of days ago that she’d been invited to a cheese fondue party. (She lives in Hollywood, so maybe she was just subtly trolling me for not getting invites to trendy jetsettery events like that back here in the frozen Midwest.)

/// O.K., actually she lives in *North* Hollywood, but that’s still trendier than Minneapolis, right?

////// Apparently it’s now required to use only a specific kind of cheese (with an unpronoucable name) and to dip small pickles and vegetables rather than bits of bread, so I guess that’s sort of different enough to be “new.”

@Baka Gaijin: Yeah, but most Pluggers just put sliced Velveeta on Wonder Bread and fry it in oleo.

If fondue makes a comeback, can Welsh Rabbit be far behind? Or, if we experience a Winsor McCay resurgence, Welsh Rarebit? “Oh! Oh! You cannot tell me the Dutchman did not put something into that rarebit beside ale! Wheeo!”

Mary Worth is stroking her @Old School Allie Cat: or perhaps MW is slowly turning into “Are You Being Served” or, perhaps, “Alf”.
———————————-
Just wait til Mary realizes that it is the dander and cat fur to which he’s allergic,and she shaves Libby…imagine the jokes then.

Is that really how comics syndication works? Because that would explain a lot. I’ve noticed that, especially in the Sunday strips, a lot of comics have entirely superfluous panels that don’t even attempt to tell a joke or even connect with the other panels of the strip. If writers have an incentive to churn out extra panels, I can see why that would happen so consistently.

@E. Norma Stitz: “either that, or the undergarment utilizes some kind of anti-gravity ray unknown to modern science.” – ha, ha, there’s a very old Dilbert where he invents an anti-gravity ray and it’s purchased by a company to be used for exactly that purpose.

@Zerowolf: Mary would never offer her pussy to Wilbur, because he would just eat it! (I’m not suggesting that Wilbur is a generous lover. I am literally saying that Wilbur is a glutton who would eat a cat if he were hungry)

@Ajah: On Sunday strips, some papers run the whole comic, some cut them for space. So there’s generally a couple of throw away panels that are fun for the people who get the full version, but can be dropped with no story consequences for the papers that crop.

Funky Winkerbean: That smirk! She has totally done Old Man Winkerbean.

Exactly!

She has seen how his kids have turned out and doesn’t want to take any chances. But the guy is the Milton Berle of the Shady Side Manor, so she doesn’t want to quit him. And if she brings up amateurphylactics (she is not a pro) she runs the risk of him hooking up with Julie, the Activities Director. (That little slut. She has already lost Harry Dinkle and his magic lips to her, she is not losing another one.)

@Shrug: I’m so old I received TWO fondue pots as wedding gifts. One has disappeared into the black hole here in my house; my daughter took the other one (avocado green) for a “seventies” party. Not sure how I could have misplaced the *orange* one. …

@167 Rusty: You’re correct. The advantage of chaps versus leather trousers is removing them when off the bike. When you’re legs get too hot with assless chaps, just whip ‘em off. Not so much with leather pants.

If a woman from a human parallel universe (notably our universe) enters the Kevin and Kell world and became a furry, then had a baby, some weird fluke of time and space would cause that baby to turn into a human.

Oh I know all about furries, being a furry myself, and seen some pretty dark sexy furry sh** in my time. Yet at the same time, I stand up against people who accuse the “entire” fandom of being that way, as there are plenty of furries who aren’t into the adult stuff, and just like anthros because they’re cool.

Crank: Mary is starting to get more cynical about Ed! Nowhere near cynical enough, since it doesn’t occur to her that, apart from the money, the appeal of playing Santa is less “getting into the Christmas spirit” and more “ruining it for everyone else out of sheer spite”.

DT: “Dammit! I told Vortex we should maybe move away from the sign…”

FC, GT, Phantom: Apparently, this is The Week That Comics Creators Lost Their Diaries. Phantom is trying desperately to pad out a non-story they didn’t quite manage to finish last week, Gil Thorp has a classic “cue canned laughter, freeze-frame on the idiot, and roll credits” on a Tuesday, and Family Circus, having continued last week’s theme yesterday, has immediately decided “Okay, now we’ve done all the possible jokes about burglar alarms. Let’s have Jeffy commenting on someone’s bald spot.”

@Joshua K.: Remember what he wrote last week? Past stories suggest that Brooke doesn’t remember from one panel to the next what he’s written. This is strictly make it up as he goes. There is no planning of a story. Every story is: male and female characters meet awkwardly, pad the story with random happenings or nonhappenings for eighteen months, the male and female characters finally boink. Every story I’ve read since I started following this maybe a decade ago has been like this. Every one.

I don’t get why there was a premiere performance of Reverie when Arthur wrote the music under a contract for a Korean TV show. This show has not been mentioned since it was used to set up Brooke’s version of meeting cute. (Oh, well, at least this time there was no jeroboam of soda dumped on someone’s head.) Now it looks like Reverie has been tossed aside, too, as it served its purpose in inspiring everyone who heard it to boink.

Now he has to pad this story for another eleven months. It started in May 2018, so that means that Arthur and Nan-Lin won’t boink until November 2019. Unfortunately, this story involves characters who are not only unpleasant and unappealing – they are also totally uninteresting. I don’t know how he’s going to drag this out until next November. They’re dull, uninteresting people, so he can’t have them running an airline or shooting Nazis in a romp across Normandy. So he’ll continue as he done before- make it up one panel at a time, with no thought to continuity or consistency.

It is with a heavy heart that it will be dragged out by means of a detailed scene-by-scene reënactment of The Yeomen of the Guard with Arthur Peel starring as Jack Goddamn Stick or whoever the hell he is.

@Joe Blevins: FW: What, exactly, has Funky been “wondering about” his “whole life”? Whether or not his own existence is the result of human reproduction? Was he not clear on that point somehow?

Now, if it had turned out Les had always secretly half-believed he was the product of Immaculate Conception, I’d think “Yeah, of course he does. That makes sense.”

@BigTed: Kevin and Kell: You know the old joke: How do porcupines have sex?

As an annoying pedant, this should be my cue to point out Lindesfarne is a hedgehog, not a porcupine. But, honestly, the strip is so confused on this point, it scarcely seems worth the effort.

(She was originally introduced as a porcupine, then when she started to date Fenton [the bat], she wished she was a nocturnal insectivore, and her adopted dad [a rabbit] admitted she was actually a hedgehog, but he’d raised her herbivore because it seemed easier [yes, I know, but apparently obligate carnivorism in the K&Kverse isn’t that obligate, which suggests they could just, I dunno, stop eating each other, but never mind]. But she’s still drawn the same way, and there are still strips that hinge on her having detachable quills and not firmly-stuck-in-place prickles, so I dunno, man.)

FW: Funky grew up thinking he was the Messiah. You know, I remember reading the strip back when he had lots of hair albeit no idea how to style it, and I’m embarrassed to say I never picked up on that little nuance.

JP: “I can’t believe I don’t have Marie’s number. What are we, a clan of thin-blooded aristocrats with an iron rule about fraternizing with our lessers? Nobody answer that!”

K&K: I’ve considered working “You’ve never examined any of my sticks with such intensity” into my daily conversations such as they exist, and firmly decided against it.

MT: Some kind of smuggler/kidnapper/general nogoodnik is about to fall painfully to his death, or at least some excruciating rehab, shattering a skylight on the way. Is it surprising that Mark Trail is picking up the violent retribution slack left by Dick Tracy‘s move into retro cuteness? I at least never expected to see all this in a Rusty-led segment.

9CL: If you think this is the worst way Brooke could ever fill four panels, you must be new here.

BB: Apparently mores have changed and Sgt. Snorkel and his mom are the last two people in America who use profanity. Good job, whosever responsibility clean language is.

DT: If you’ve been going crazy since Sunday trying to figure out what Dick’s “Operation New Broom” would entail, the one meant to drive drug sellers away from Honey Moon’s school, turns out it means arresting people for selling drugs. Sometimes you just have to think outside the box.

S-M: Explaining your power and giving the guy you’re controlling time to think of loopholes definitely sounds like one of the habits of highly effective supervillains.

They didn’t do the one about when Bil gets sick and stays home from work and Thel has to go to the store and accidentally sets the burglar alarm forgetting Bil was at home. Then Bil gets up to go to the bathroom and sets off the motion detector alarm and he’s so hopped up on medicine that he forgets the code to turn it off. The alarm company calls and Bil is, again, unable to remember the safe word. The alarm company keeps talking to Bil as he tries to remember the safe word and meanwhile the alarm company notifies the sheriff’s department. Just as the sheriff is pulling up in the driveway Bil suddenly remembers the safe word and says it to the operator at the alarm company. The sheriff knocks on the door and Bil answers it and tries to explain to the sheriff what happened. At that moment the sheriff gets the “all clear” from the alarm company, tips his hat and leaves.

@lumaca morente: “either that, or the undergarment utilizes some kind of anti-gravity ray unknown to modern science.” – ha, ha, there’s a very old Dilbert where he invents an anti-gravity ray and it’s purchased by a company to be used for exactly that purpose.

I stand corrected. It’s in Dilbert, it’s known to Science.

Dilbert is very old. Mary Worth is very old. Perhaps now that she’s dumped her current beau Mary can liaison with Dil.

@Ten Dude Road: Merchandising bought that yacht. When you allow your creation to appear on every damned product in the universe, yeah, you’re gonna make a few coins.

The crew behind Phantom is resting this week after the tumultuous sequence with Heloise. A little meditation on the zen of letter folding and stuffing it into an envelope does wonders in helping one find serenity after all that over-the-top action.

@Uncle Lumpy: Given how charming and charismatic Arthur is, that will be so entertaining.

@Owen Marshall, AAL: @Shrug: They most likely have a system of bells, like in Downton Abbey. And Marie has to be in the same building so she can be at the family’s beck and call. You don’t expect them to pour their own coffee or put toothpaste on their toothbrushes themselves, do you?

Ha!! That Pervert? Thankfully he was before my time! However my Aunt Melinda said he was notorious back in the day – into all sorts of kinky stuff. Liked to claim he was actually a “centaur” Get real!! Just an excuse to try to get it on with two-leggers as well as mares. I hear he’s in some retirement home now, still chasing after the females …of any species! They say he still has a lot of equine … attributes.

Things are a bit unsettled here in Lama Land. There’s rumors this set will close down again and the action will move back to Bengalla – or maybe New York City!! I’m not sure I’ll have a role in any case .. this Phantom gig has been something of a disappointment, with panel times few and far between. I might as well be off-panel back at Spencer Farms, in a much more comfortable setting. I wonder how Sultan is doing … assuming he’s still there. He doesn’t like to text …

MW: Libby has settled down, graphically, into looking like a very reasonable cat, and I never was crazy at all about Doctor Jeff. I think the wrong choice is about to be made by Mary, but so it goes. If her plan is to dump Libby on Wilbur, however, I demand some evidence that he’ll do better for Libby than to feed her mayo-soaked fragments of sammiches and then leave her alone to fend for herself the next time he uses his unexplained independent wealth to go inflict himself on other cultures for several months.

LUANN: Hey college students, this is what the Evansi think you’re like! Actually, this is their idea of the more appealing among you. Except the Evansi think you never have sex. Or drink. As fantasy worlds go, theirs makes Mordor look really good.

As someone who’s been following Kevin and Kell for 20 years, I find it very interesting to read the comments from someone who apparently just jumped right into it, and who finds it hard enough to adjust to the rules and history of Slylock Fox’s furry world – A world for which the authors aren’t really trying to make rules or a history. Kevin and Kell creator Bill Holbrook on the other hand, tries very hard to to make rules, and a history, for his furry universe. I look forward to your future comments.