love. recovery. bad advice.

Intro! A New Slice of Slushkitty Lives!

My sponsor, let’s call her “Nelissa”, had the brilliant – BRILLIANT!!! – idea that I start a new section of my blog – an advice column! I can’t decide if it should be called “Dear Alkie” (get it?) or “Dear Slushkitty”, so I’ll leave that up to you. Address me as you please. My only request is that you call me anything but “Drunky So-and-So”, “Shifty-Eyed Motherfucker” or “Psycho Bitch” – I’d like to leave these pet names behind me along with the rest of the wreckage. Anyway, I will answer all your questions related to love, recovery, cats – hell, anything you care to ask me, me – a well-adjusted recovering alcoholic and addict with a solid, decades-long history of good ideas! I hope my sage advice will wow and inspire you! Since I do not have your questions yet, you may want to imagine my answers will resemble those willy-nilly answers of the Magic 8-Ball (the Magic 8-Balls you find in Urban Outfitters, not the ones you find… on Craig’s List. What did you think I was going to say?). And like the Magic 8-Ball, if you get the reply you want, your day = made. If you don’t like the answer, just re-phrase, shake it baby!, and ask again until you get the right answer!

This is going to be so much fun! Please ask your questions as a comment to this post, or send to my personal email Cara02127@rocketmail.com (I think it’s OK to post my email, right?).

I had a friend of the opposite sex who has expressed attraction to me but felt it would be the “wrong” thing to act on. I then became attracted to her, and expressed that to her. She then just stopped speaking to me without any real discussion around that decision with me. I’ve had a hard time just being accepting of the situation because I truly love and care for this person, and valued our friendship dearly.
How do you suggest I be handling the situation?

Dear Rubbah, sweet simple Rubbah. There is a tried-and-true lesson in this that may have escaped you: If you ignore something for long enough, it goes away. Hopes, dreams, jobs, stray cats, teeth are some examples. I’ve already started writing my thoughts on this hussy, so maybe I’ll finish it – just in case you find yourself in this predicament again.

Yo slice… no, tht’s not quite it.
Dear Slice… or maybe Dear Slice O’ Life.
I’m thinking Dear Slice, Slice O’ Life sounds like a horrible vegan birthday cake.
So Dear Slice,
Being a compulsive alcoholic, I had to dig up my Magic Eight Ball and list all
it’s answers.
It turns out there’s 16 (but strangely no “No”). Here goes…
1) Outlook Good
2) Most Likely
3) Don’t Count On It
4) Reply Hazy Try Again
5) Very Doubtful
6) Ask Again Later
7) You May Rely On It
8) Better Not Tell You Now
9) Cannot Predict
10) My sources Say No
11) Signs Point To Yes
12) Yes
13) Concentrate And Ask Again
14) Without a Doubt
15) Outlook Not So Good
16) It is Certain
There you have it.
Ahhh, the satisfaction of a job obsessively and compulsively done.
Ed
By the way, who’s this mysterious Nelissa? She sounds like one of those
natural AA guru types…

Dear Slushkitty,
In recovery we have a lot more time on our hands. There’s only so many meetings to go to, and besides, if I go to too many, I get nauseous. So I’m looking for suggestions for non-destructive things to do with my time. Especially late at night. Oh and, there’s also only so much knitting I can do.
Many thanks!

What the hell am I gonna do about the cob webs that are gonna grow in my lady parts while I can no longer sleep with people who don’t respect me? I can tell right now, they are expanding, wrapping their every so fibrous web of around the scar tissue of my fragile fertile womb!! Oh the horror the horror!