As a Portland marriage counselor, I find that most people believe divorce occurs after a long period of misery and intense conflict between the spouses, but from my practice, I can tell you that’s not usually the case. Recent studies support what I’ve seen firsthand. About 50 to 66% of couples who divorce had low levels of conflict and average happiness in the years before their split.

So why are these couples filing for divorce? The most common problems are poor communication and a lack of connection. They have drifted apart. Their work, home, and child-rearing responsibilities have led them to spend less and less time together. They also have trouble handling everyday disagreements, such as the division of chores or establishing a household budget, which makes them feel even further apart from one another.

These couples lose the sense of “wholeness” that brought them together, and this can cause them to feel like maybe they weren’t meant for each other in the first place. Or it can make them want to seek out that connection elsewhere, possibly leading to an affair.

From my experience as a Portland marriage counselor, I believe that divorce is preventable in most of these low-level conflict marriages as long as both parties are willing to put in the work. You can regain the feeling of closeness that you had in the beginning of your relationship when it felt like you were the only two people in the world. Through improving your communication skills and making time for one another again, you can reconnect with your spouse and rediscover that spark. Call our offices to get relationship help from a Portland marriage counselor.