Often times we live our lives struggling with concern about what people--our families, friends, society, and church, co-workers, neighbors--will say about our choices. We want to feel worthy, loved and wholly accepted and so we operate from an external concern of what others will opine versus what our internal know will accept. Many times we end up, sadly, shortchanging our dreams. Whether we do so with our sexuality, choice of partners, career, college preferences, or as silly enough, what we have for breakfast or our fashion picks, we stay in situations we have no business being in, eat things we don;t really like and wear pearls, even though we love hoops. We says yes when we really want to say no. We say agree situations that we know are not internally congruent with our hearts. And all of these choices, the little ones and big ones, that go against our internal know, do affect us. We slowly burn inside, like little lights being turned off--our energy is depleted, our spirits go dark inside. This way of living turns into dis-ease not just with our bodies but our minds and hearts. Not being at ease inside turns into something ugly. In Spanish this notion is called, "el que dirán..." Living with the super sized concern of what others will opine about our choices.

If you are struggling with this, know one thing: "people have something nasty to say about everyone," including Mother Theresa. One of my mom's favorite sayings: la gente siempre mira la paja de ajena y no la propia. People will always look through someone else's garbage and not their own.

Several years ago, I came across this amazing passage by poet and historian Jennifer Michael Hecht: "Either life means something or it means nothing. Either way you need to relax to get through the panic and get in on the game. Most of all--if you can remind yourself--in stable and unstable times, that change is the nature of things you will rise and be able to help others. ( I add, help yourself!) It goes on: "Only don't think that if you are perfectly generous and kind and wise you will escape the derision of humanity. People have something nasty to say about everyone". Even Mother Theresa.

We owe it to ourselves to live life with grace, always remembering to honor our internal intuition.

My mother was a hotel chambermaid for almost a decade when I was growing up. She would come home with gifts--the one I remember most was a red Nike jumpsuit circa 80's rapper style--that guests would often leave for her. But more than presents, she came home with stories about the guests, her coworkers and life cleaning up after other people's s**t. Some of those stories were not pretty and involved how grossly messy, rude and humiliating people could be to the faceless and nameless women who clean up after them. Many more stories were beautiful too as they involved sisterly bonds that took place in the employee cafeteria in the basement. Mother was responsible for cleaning up to 16 rooms in a Holiday Inn in northern New Jersey in a 7.5 hour work day. Many times the rooms were such a gross mess that she wasn't able to finish scrubbing floors and toilets and her coworkers would come to her rescue. Other times, she pitched in for her colleagues. Mother was reminding me of those stories this week as we talked about the two housekeeper dramas recently in the news--Arnold Schwarzenegger's sexual affair with his housekeeper, Guatemalan immigrant, Mildred Baena and the alleged sexual attack against an African immigrant hotel maid by IMF Chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn.

Wanting to get her impression into a world she once worked in, I interviewed my mother. Shockingly, at least for me, was that my mother had no mercy for either women! My mother never experienced the horrors that the victim of allegedly attack in the NYC hotel or had affairs with her bosses. She said simply because she followed protocol at all times--if a guest was in the room, she would not go in to clean. She had lines and borders that she did not cross with male colleagues and bosses. Mother protected herself-- and had a silent form of self defense. Pity the man who would try to cross the line against my drop dead gorgeous mother. But, mother is also a US citizen and was not very fearful of getting deported so I assume that that fact gave her confidence that she exuded that must have kept the perps away far away from her. Yes, my mother has a don't f**k with me attitude that radiates far and wide. Love that!

I interviewed another housekeeper in the building where I live. I was doing my laundry and bumped into her, and as Maria, a Salvadoran immigrant, and I folded clothes in the laundry room, we spoke of her job and the cases at hand. Maria said that she has worked for a couple in the building where I live for the last decade. Both are lawyers, straight and she says that never any of the jefes or jefas crossed the line, cheated her out of wages, or humiliated her. She too was not very generous with both women.

The two housekeepers I spoke to blamed Baena and the hotel chambermaid and NOT the men. They question the women's motives nothing of the behavior of the males involved! That made me sad because the reality for millions of housekeepers not in the news is very dangerous. And many are missing the point.

Diana Velos of American University says that we will really never know the numbers of domestic workers who suffer at the hands of their not so famous perps. Many of these workers are Latinas--in fact, Latinas constitute the largest group of women entering the domestic labor force in the US according to Velos. And many of these women are undocumented. She writes that this legal situation sets them up for all kinds of abuse--low and unfair wages, horrid working conditions, harassment and even rape. Many of these women are invisible and feel they cannot go to authorities for fear of deportation so if their patron pats their asses, breasts, ask them to strip, slap them, spit on them or sexually proposition them as some have told Velos, many live with the abuse.

These female domestic workers are powerless and powerful men love to pray on their vulnerability. In both the ex Governor and ex IMF chief, the law and press must not be blind and should investigate their actions. The blogosphere and talk shows so far have been having a field day talking about the ex Governors penchant for ugly women. Others questions the maid's motives. But not so much about the underlying conditions. The story behind the story.

But lets be clear, the reality of the every day nameless female domestic workers in this country is just as dirty as the bathrooms they have to clean. And in the midst of Terminator jokes--a real discussion about these horrors should be taken place.

If you want to know one truth, nothing is more powerful than your mind. You are wholly responsible for creating the immediate circumstances that surround you. You have the power within you to transform these circumstances if they are not making you happy, healthy and whole. Racism, sexism, homophobia, ageism, family drama and just plain crazy have no power over you, unless of course, you allow nasty to seep in. To quote the beautiful and mighty Iyanla Vanzant, "If you believe in circumstances, they can and will defeat you. If you belief in yourself, you are assured victory."

People show you love in many different ways. It took me a while to appreciate that fact. Sometimes they say, "I love you," but don't show you. Vacuous phrase that leaves you empty. Words only have meaning and power when they are backed up with action. These days, I don't really care for just words--I don't swoon anymore when I hear, "I love you." I listen for actions. Show me you love me, don't sing it or text it, please.

My mother sent me a box filled with the Caribbean last week, and she timed it so that the package would arrive on the day that I held my New York City book reading and signing. A most auspicious day for me since the City is my home and releasing my tome was a monumental career highlight.

Mother filled the box with some of my favorite tropical fruits--mangoes, passion fruit and a giant guananaba, or sour sop, a cousin to the lychee. (See photos here and in the jump!) Don't let the needles fool you--it's a delectable fruit. The prickly green fruit is juicy and tender on the inside, and it's far more beautifully tasting than it appears. All the delicacies mom sent in a UPS box were planted, cultivated and harvested by her tender hands in her small--and I mean small, 2 by 4--garden! Mom mailed love in a box and while she could not be with me physically celebrating a career highlight, she was still there. And I am still relishing and devouring the fruits, days later. Her love lingers...

Rosie Perez showed me she loved me by being present at the reading despite being pulled in various directions. Rossana Rosado showed me love by co hosting the evening. My family showed me love by making the trek from Pennsylvania and various parts of New Jersey, bringing my niece and nephew on a school night. More than 200 people showed me love by saying presente and swarming Borders with their beautiful presence and loud caching caching as they purchased the book I wrote with love in my hands. Jimmy Smits showed me love by coming to the party and spending time celebrating my latest accomplishments. So much love and not a word was said about it. All there in full display...

Perhaps someone in your life is on a word diet and rarely says I love you yet demonstrates affection beautifully, gracefully, differently--by being there, by doing something for you, by showing up or by sending a box filled with juicy fruits. So many ways to show love, count the ways in your life.

I woke up this morning living my life like Jill Scott, 'living my life like its golden and wearing my freedom around my neck.' For anyone who has ever tried living like that--it works. And people around you feel it. The bus was extremely packed this morning and the driver shut the door. Then he saw me standing and opened it just for me saying, "come in, you know you bad." Bad as in good.

By Irasema Romero | 05/20/2011 - 09:00 | 0 Comments

Puerto Rican author and former Latina magazine editor-in-chief Sandra Guzman brings us a book on what every Latina should know about: dating, health, succeeding professionally, and managing friendships, among other things.

The New Latina’s Bible: The Modern Latina’s Guide to Love, Spirituality, Family, and La Vida(Seal Press, $19.95) offers insight on topics as they relate to us. In the nearly 10 years since the original Latina’s Bible came out, Guzman updated lots of information and added two new chapters. In one of them (Chapter 4, “Latina Blues: It’s Not In Your Head”) she felt compelled to write about an issue that affects more Latinas than we may realize: depression. When one in every seven Latina teenagers attempts suicide, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Guzman gives depression and suicide the attention it deserves.

In an intimate interview, Guzman tells us how depression may go unrecognized and untreated in a culture that is known to be lively and joyful.

How were you alerted to the issue of depression among Latinas?

In the first edition of the book, I talk a little bit about the alarming statistics of attempted suicide among Latina teenagers, and that was something that concerned me at the time. That was ten years ago, and unfortunately the numbers continue to rise. In some pockets of the nation, the attempted suicide rates are up to 20 percent, and that’s pretty devastating. But what really truly inspired me to say, “This is something that needs to be intimately talked about,” was a relative. Somebody who I deeply love in my family was depressed and apologized for being depressed. It hurt me to the core, because as I wrote in the book, if the person had had diabetes, cancer or high cholesterol, I don’t think the apology would have come. I realized that within our own culture we don’t have the language to understand the process and to treat this as white people do.

What did you find in your research that surprised you about depression or its treatments?

The Argentineans, for example, have a healthy self-esteem. There are always these inter-Latino jokes that Argentineans think highly of themselves, and they do! I discovered that maybe part of it has to do with the fact that they have so many therapists in their country. Everybody has a shrink. I love that the culture in Argentina is very much like, “Yeah, we can all use a little help.” So, they treat it as they would treat anything else. Unfortunately, for the rest of Latin Americans, it is not so. We look at life through many different prisms, through many different glasses, and culture has a lot of ways in which it paints the disease. I just don’t think that as a community the culture has caught up with the breakthroughs in technology. At the end of the day, Latinas have the highest incidence of depression in the country and are the least treated. Once we are diagnosed, we are more likely not to continue medication. The culture and the medical breakthroughs have not met. As a result, there are a lot of men and a lot of women who are not living life to their fullest potential.

How do you explain magic? The New York City launch of my book was spectacular. Borders Columbus Circle has never seen so many beautiful and intelligent Latinas and Latinos ever! Actually, there were folks from all over the world, South Africa via Brooklyn, Jewish via Chelsea, Irish via Manhattan and the Black south, heck even Queens was in the house. A melting pot of amazing human beings. And, all there for me! The room was filled to capacity and my book sold out--all 225 books gone!

Rossana Rosado, the CEO and publisher of El Diario La Prensa was a phenomenal hostess. She reminded all of us why she has had a stellar career in media. Simply brilliant. Rosie Perez was just as graceful and beautiful. The crowd was all love. I realized, flanked by two amazing and inspirational women, and surrounded by a loving group of people, how deeply blessed I am.

I was able to remind all the beautiful women and brave men who said presente that they were uniquely handcrafted by divine feminine and masculine energies. That they are sacred. And that living life to their fullest expression means incorporating a new manifesto.

In the next few days, I will expand on each of these. Here they are the 10 Commandments for the 21st Century Latina:

1. You shall love yourself first and foremost.
2. You shall take care of the earth.
3. You shall have a holy moment or moments each day to tune in to yourself.
4. You shall honor your familia, raza and community.
5. You shall discover, nurture and share your unique gift with the world.
6. You shall not covet your sister’s man or woman.
7. You shall always have a strong circle of female friends and help celebrate each other.
8. You shall not traffic in gossip.
9. You shall surround yourself with positive people.

When I told mother that I was worried about what to wear for tonight's book signing, she was like, "mija, don't preoccupy yourself with those things. Be yourself, have fun and share your story, who cares what you wear?" Well, it is New York City, and everyone does worry about what to wear. Fashion is in the Big Apple's DNA. During the launch of my first book I wore leather maternity pants so people who really know me are expecting some fashion forward madness. Or not. But I think mom is right...And I thank her for keeping things real. No fashion concerns, just preparing for an exquisite night. Though I'm tired from the 10 day California book tour I am profoundly grateful for all the blessings.

I'm excited to share tonight my 10 New Commandments for the modern Latina. In order to life life to your fullest expression, these rules might come in handy. Preview: lots of love, laughter, pleasure, wellness and yup, no bull***t truth to power.

Hope to see many beautiful people... should be a lovely and fun filled evening for Latinas and those who adore us.

My friend, the amazing actress and all around amazing human being, Rosie Perez will host the evening with another extraordinary woman and sister from another mother, Rossana Rosado, CEO of El Diario La Prensa.

Borders

Columbus Circle at 59th Street

7:30 pm - 9:30 pm

An after party (but of course!) will follow and hosted by Urban Latino Media. The first 200 people to purchase the book will get in free!

I look forward to an amazing event in my home city of New York, New York.

SANDRA: No such thing as a regular day in my life but, these are the things I try to do on a daily basis: Meditate, hug my kids, (they say it takes one hug a day to survive, two hugs to thrive, and three to fly… so I hug a lot;) hot yoga or bike ride, try to get in some kind of body movement; phone call to mom in the Caribbean to get status reports on the many fruit trees and vegetables in her garden (the latest, the two pineapples we ate last summer and she planted have sprouted and will bear fruit soon;) lots of internet stuff ie: blogging, emailing, FB, tweeting, writing, reading, cooking. And all while listening to my Pandora stations, John Coltrane and Donna De Lory on heavy rotation these days.

How do you define success?SANDRA: I define success if I live my life to fullfill my greatest potential. If I have health, love, friendship, and purpose in my heart — I am wealthy and successful. Success is also being able to live with dignity which to me is walking in step with my individual, moral compass and never negotiating what I believe in for the sake of expediency. And finally, success is making a living doing what I most love most, writing. Oh, and being able to have the flexibility to nap daily is a sure sign of success, to me!

So this morning I woke up to news that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with household help. Dang. Or as the Cubans will say, ño!! So many thoughts rushed to mind all this while my jaw was on the floor. But the quote, "Being dysfunctional has nothing to do with class, they just have money to cover it up," really captures thoughts of this morning. It's one of those classic zingers from my sister Rossana Rosado and dear friend, Juan Rodriguez that was uttered almost in unison during a cookout last summer. We were talking about how the rich, and mostly white, always get a pass when it comes to all the drama that happens behind closed doors. Good lawyers, public relations experts and an all too willing media have a way of cleaning stuff up for many.

And us brown folk--well, our stuff is all out there raw and real to be dissected by a media that has no merci on us (hello portrayal of poor whites, Asians, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, or any Latino subgroup and Blacks in the last century!) Recently, anytime you see Latino and Blacks in America series it's always about the negative crazy going on in our communities. Drug abuse, teen pregnancy, child abuse. Airing out our dysfunction has been a classic theme for eager media companies that cover brown and poor communities. If you repeat it enough, it sticks. Stereotypes begin. And sadly, we even believe the madness.

The Terminator's lies, adultery, betrayal of his wife, people of California, and possible sexual harassment--she was an employee, after all--is a reminder that this sort of sordid drama happens at all levels of American society not just in poor ghettos and the projects. Yes, Virginia, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic violence, incest, child abuse, cheating, and lying, fathering kids out of wedlock and all around tacky nasty happens behind doors of homes and Mac-mansions located in perfectly manicured grass lawns with Lexus and BMW's in two door garages.

I am not judging, just saying.

Maybe it's time that CNN or the FOX network produce a series called, "Rich in America," and air all the dysfunction that happens with a certain group of privileged, mostly white, folks. It's the only fair and balanced thing to do.

El Diario La Prensa, New York's oldest and largest daily newspaper has great things to say about my new book. How time flies? It was at the gem, while it was still located on Varick Street in Soho, where my career in journalism was born.

Everything comes full circle and it's a remarkable thing. The beautiful and talented Rossana Rosado, CEO and Publisher of the paper. and my sister, will be co-hosting the reading with Rosie Perez on Thursday, May 19th at Borders, Columbus Circle, NYC!

Just got in from a 10-day California book tour. I met some of the most amazing human beings--men, women & children who reminded me why I am walking in my dharma. Best compliment I received was from a woman who shared these words: "After reading "The New Latina's Bible" I feel proud to be Mexican." That is money in my bank account!

Having pride in who you are is the foundation for healthy self worth. Tune out the haters people, tune in to self-love. And move forward in life with gusto, the world needs your divine gifts.

These are sacred words: your life is worth recording. It comes from a quote that I really adore, “A life that is worth living is a life worth recording.” If you recognize that every life is sacred, then the quote is even more powerful. And one of the most profound ways you can do this recording is through journaling. Keeping a journal is a sacred art that is being lost.

Journaling is recording your inner life on paper. Your dreams, thoughts, goals, fears and your inner poetry… all on display for you to see and act on. You can write, take photos, draw or film. The way you record your story is a very personal expression. While while today's technology allows this recording to happen online—via blogging, tweeting, etc--the kind of journaling that I'm talking about is old school--pen to paper. And private.

It’s like a conversation with yourself. For me, journaling as a young girl was a life saver. I started journaling when I was nine years old. And have done so ever since, albeit, intermittently. My little girl diaries were pink, and had tiny keys that I would lock and keep safely under my pillow. Journaling helped me as a young woman make sense of things. As I got older, it allowed me to process and analyze, organize myself. I've used journals to set goals, desires, dreams. It has been a way to remember my past. I haven't kept a journal in a while because most days after my last newspaper job, I had no words left to write. But now I am back and it's so beautiful. I have a grateful journal as a reminder of all the beautiful blessings that exist all around me. It keeps me grounded and focused on the good stuff. For mother's day, I gave my mother a journal, and a nice pen, and I asked her to write her poetry--which she has in scraps of paper all over her house, to list her recipes, dichos, and random thoughts. I told her it was the only thing I wanted to inherit. I have a friend who gave each of her kids--five--feeling journals. And when they want to share, she is open to reading them. She said it helped keep everyone sane during rough patches. There are different ways to journal, find your own.

Robert Waddell's review of my book in My Latino Voice, was spot on! Robert writes, "This is a survival guide for women to spread their individual and collective wings and become who they were always meant to be while never forgetting their Hispanic roots." Robert totally captured the spirit of my message.

I loved that he acknowledged that Latinos have healing to do, and reading a feminist book that hopes to liberate Latinas, might be a great start!

A wise woman,Marta Moreno Vegaonce told me a sure way to kill someone without shooting a bullet is by taking away their culture. In destroying the way a person connects to their ancestry, you assassinate their soul. You rob them of anything that gives them meaning and they will walk around dead never knowing how divine they really are. I know that she was right because once I reconnected to the beauty of being Puertorriqueña and Latina, to my African and indigenous Caribbean ancestry, it was like receiving an infusion of love--I got my life back. I connected to my song.

This is the thing, no matter how much mother told and showed me that her people--my people--were an elegant and exquisite folk, I didn't listen. In school, pop culture, films and media we were invisible and when we showed up, I saw only distorted and one dimensional images of me, and by extension, all Puerto Ricans (hello, West Side Story.) And all Latinos (hello, Hollywood.) Mom was wrong in my young girl eyes, the world was right. But, then something happened... I went off to college and took history classes of Puerto Rico, Cuba, Latin America that taught me that there are stories that were not taught to me in high school and things started to make sense. Slowly, I started feel connected, and thus awakened. Traveling to the isle-land many, many times I started to connect my cultural dots. I started to see the bigger picture of me and of Borinquen. Traveling to other parts of the Caribbean such as Cuba, the Dominican Republic, Antigua, Anguilla, Aruba, studying in Mexico, traveling to El Salvador and Costa Rica, I finally understood my place in the world, and the larger Latin American a diaspora.

Connecting to my roots through music (hello Maelo!), food (hello arroz con gandules!), tradition, (hello roasted pigs in the backyard!), humor, (hello John Leguizamo) is like walking in a divine path that reminds me that I am strong, I am beautiful, I am exquisite and limitless in my possibilities. It fills me with confidence and joy. One of my favorite chapters in my new book, "Going Home to your Roots" explores this theme further. I hope you check it out.

I landed on Thursday in California and have been immersed in an intense conversation with profoundly inspiring men, women and children who are doing great work in education, immigration, healing, spirituality and community. They are doing this through culture and through feminine Goddess power. I heard their Nahuatl song, I am inspired.

On Wednesday, I will be touring Semillas Community Schools, an innovative multilingual charter grade and high school in the heart of El Sereno.I will conduct a journaling workshop there with young women and reading from "The New Latina's Bible," at their fabulous Xokolatl Cafe, where they serve chocolate in the ancient Aztec tradition and tamales made by a group of Mejicanas who are part of a woma's micro enterprise. The cafe's logo is tangible: we serve consciousness. I was already there on Saturday where I met children who have names like Aztec Moon, Aztec Sun, Hummingbird-- Metzlin, Maya, Huitzilin... these children, their parents and educators touched my soul. They remind me that connecting to cultura is the way to awaken the divine within.

Words can be used as weapons of mass destruction. They can also be used as love drones that help give fruit to love. As the Buddhist holy book teaches, "we have total control of our actions but no control of the fruit of those actions." If we are impeccable with our words and actions, the universe will respond in kind. My mother reminded me of this truism while giving me an update on her fruit and vegetable garden.

She has a gift that is extraordinary--mother plants and things blossom. She has a beautiful connection to the earth that is mesmerizing. Mother has an avocado fruit tree behind her home in the Caribbean and several days ago, she noticed that it wasn't flowering. She waters it twice daily because in the part of the island where she resides it is dry as the Sahara. So, as she watered it, she gently asked the tree that all she desired was six avocados this season--one for each of her children, if possible one for herself and my father. My father overheard this conversation and came down the stairs and said to the tree, "if you don't give us any fruit this year, I will chop you down with this machete."

Mom then told the tree, "pay no attention, he has no business talking to you. And no such thing will happen!" I would have loved to have witnessed this exchange.

And so they both went upstairs to bed. No lie, the next morning at dawn mom got up as usual to water her trees and flowers and the avocado tree was teeming with flowers and tiny buds of avocados.

She shares these stories with me not to entertain or impress me--but to remind me of the power of love and words.

I hope you that you take the story with you and think impeccable thoughts as you go about your day.

Here is a menu for you. Each chapter aims to touch on every part of a woman's life. The menu of ingredients found in my new book, The New Latina's Bible is vast. Don't ask me for a favorite because each is special for its own reason. The book can be read from end to beginning, from middle to end or front to end. It's what you are feeling and what you are needing at the moment. But, the structure starts with the woman and the relationships that form us and are the core of who we are and how we are molded--our mothers, parents and familia. Then, the book takes off from there to explore the outer shell, inner shell, wellness, love, sexuality, relationships, career, culture and the little beautiful beings in our lives, kids.

1.Surviving your mother, La Familia and el que diran without

going loca!

2.Que bella soy: see that pretty girl in the mirror there?

3.The Healthy Latina: Self care is sound care

4.Latina Blues: It’s not in your head

5.Talk Circles: The Power of Latina Friendship

6.Centering Your Soul: Spirituality Latina Style

7.Secrets of Latina Dating: The Latin Girl’s Rule Revealed!

8.Latina sexual mystique: The Hot Tamale, The Latin Lover and Other Lethal Myths

9.Love and Relationships: La Novia, La Esposa and the Case of the Quasi-Esposa

This quote captures today's solemn feeling of a post-Osama Bin Laden world. Incidentally, it's how I start my new book. For me, it was a reminder that gave me comfort in the midst of the pain at hearing xenophobes & racists spew hatred in the airwaves, Halls of Congress and other governing bodies against undocumented immigrants. In the end--think of it--the way of truth always wins!

My book is officially published and I am filled with joy and excitement. I hope to connect, inspire and celebrate the splendor that we are as individual and fierce women and as part of a diverse and beautiful people who make up the children and descendants of Latin America and the Caribbean. Check out the sneak peek found in Amazon.If you like what you read, spread the good word.Today is indeed an awesome day.