Totally of the subject but I get off work in about 10 minutes and I am way excited for this weekend!!!! I get to see the last girl I told that "I love you, your amazing but i am not ready for a relationship" tonight. BTW... we ARE in fact dating and VERY happy! Hang in there ladies... I am on... I mean Prince charming is on his way! HA HA! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAH! OXOXOXOX

its not my second chance.. its OUR first chance. I sure hope there is never a second chance cause that would mean that I am actually in love with the girl... we'll see So far.... sooooooooooo good. mmmmm. She loves me... I know it! ha ha. But who wouldn't.

Getmeback -- I think there are SOME (very RARE) cases in which a guy really is "into" a woman but *can't* (or maybe shouldn't) be in a relationship, but often, I think, it's a case of him saying "You're great, you're wonderful, BUT...I'm not interested in a relationship with you." It's just a case of the person thinking you're not right for him or her -- it is NO reflection on you or who you are as a person. Maybe he likes someone else better. Maybe he's "keeping his options open." Maybe he's not over his ex (as mine wasn't) -- whatever the reason, it's probably not going to happen with him. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you and appreciate your good qualities -- he simply doesn't think the two of you would be a good "match."

In my case, the guy went on and on about how great I am, even pursued me at times, and even when I told him specifically that I was in no hurry for a serious relationship, he backed away from me. As it turns out, he was pining away for his ex the whole time; well, now he has her back. I hope he's happy, because if he isn't...well...I don't know what to say. This is what he wanted, so he darn well better be happy!

i agree. most of the time, it's just that a guy is not interested enough in you, for whatever reason, if he is using the 'do not want a relationship' line. i'd thank him for his honesty and move on. i wouldn't sit around and wait for him to change his mind or to get over his ex or whatever.

i have a friend whose boyfriend broke up with her after 2 months saying he didn't want a committed relationship, he couldn't handle it. 6 months later, he was engaged to be married to another woman. just goes to show, when a guy meets the right one, his fear of committment can vanish like that!

i had a guy tell me he didn't want a relationship, and then started to explain to me how 'friends with benefits' is the perfect type of relationship to be in. no thanks.

How do you guys just have the courage to walk away from something like this, especially if the guy means something to you and you have some bonds with him?

Well, in my case, Ren, I had no choice...I hung on for as long as I could, and the longer I hung on, the more painful it became -- far more painful than if I had let him go much earlier, before my feelings for him had deepened. And, the fact that he ended up taking his ex back just exponentially increased the pain. If I had had the courage to walk away much, much sooner -- heck, even a little bit sooner -- I wouldn't have experienced nearly the pain that I did (and still do) over this guy.

The thing is, I NEVER pushed him or rushed him. I just wanted to date him to see where it could go, though I admit I certainly hoped it would turn into a serious relationship. I expressed to him that I didn't want to rush, that I was happy to take things slowly, but...he was still hung up on his ex and couldn't give me even that little bit that I asked for. Bottom line: He was still holding out for her to come back. I give him credit for not letting me think he wanted to be serious with me and then dumping me for her when she came back, but still, the whole thing was quite painful, particularly when he announced to me that he had taken her back after she had hurt him so badly, several times.

This is why I have decided that, the next time I date a guy and he says he is "not looking for a relationship" or "can't be in a relationship right now" or whatever, I will say "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping to get to know you better and see where it could go. I wish you the best," and then that's it. I will not pursue him further. If I really like the guy, I might let him know that, if he changes his mind and wants to explore where things could go with us, that he knows how to contact me. Not that I will sit around and wait, though. Life is too short to put up with wishy-washiness. I'd rather be out having fun with my friends and family and doing my own thing than attempting to date someone who isn't interested enough in me to put in some effort.

"You cannot be directed to decide against yourself without first being deceived into thinking that what hurts you can also help you."

i agree. most of the time, it's just that a guy is not interested enough in you, for whatever reason, if he is using the 'do not want a relationship' line. i'd thank him for his honesty and move on. i wouldn't sit around and wait for him to change his mind or to get over his ex or whatever.

i have a friend whose boyfriend broke up with her after 2 months saying he didn't want a committed relationship, he couldn't handle it. 6 months later, he was engaged to be married to another woman. just goes to show, when a guy meets the right one, his fear of committment can vanish like that!

i had a guy tell me he didn't want a relationship, and then started to explain to me how 'friends with benefits' is the perfect type of relationship to be in. no thanks.

i wouldn't overanalyze it. i'd take him at his word and move on.

Exactly, Annie. My ex told me he makes a "terrible boyfriend," that he didn't think he believed in relationships anymore, etc. Funny, though, the minute his ex came back into the picture, he could suddenly be a boyfriend and suddenly believed in relationships. Go figure. At least he went back to her, rather than finding someone else. It made me realize that it isn't about me at all, really.

Come to think of it, I had another guy tell me the "I can't be in a relationship right now" thing, a few years back. The funny thing is that, when we were first dating, he was really pushing for a relationship. Actually, what I think he was pushing for was sex, and when I didn't sleep with him immediately, he suddenly cooled off. He actually e-mailed me (even though we'd been dating for almost two months), to tell me "I think it would be best if we were just friends for now." He went on to tell me that he couldn't be in a relationship, too much stuff happening in his life, etc. I found out later that he had a new girlfriend almost immediately. Ha! Whatever. I wasn't really "into" him anyway, but it's yet another example of that line being a crock.

"You cannot be directed to decide against yourself without first being deceived into thinking that what hurts you can also help you."