Welcome To Post-Gender Happytopia®!

Bronan was the world's greatest humor columnist. His dead spirit now resides in Valhalla, battling eternally with sword in hand and a wench on each knee.

Welcome to Post-Gender Happytopia®, the most non-offensive, gender role-free theme park in the Person’s Republic of PoliticallyCorrectia (formerly Sweden)! Won’t you please step inside? Care for a glass of warm soy milk? You’re very welcome! Please remember to check your privilege at the door.

As you can see, we’ve renovated our theme park to remove the phallic Gender Construct Towers and replaced them with non-offensive NeuterDomes. Feel free to pick out your very own pair of cargo shorts from our Gender-Neutral Gift Shop! They come in XL or XXL. No, I’m afraid we don’t have smaller sizes here in Happytopia®. Please check your thin privilege. Thank you. While we’re here, would you like to purchase a Non Gender-Specific Androgny Playset™ for your BoyGirl or GirlBoy? S/he will certainly derive a government-mandated amount of enjoyment should you choose to do so!

Time for the next section of our tour – the Patriarchy Zoo™! Please enter NeuterDome 573b. Inside, we have the last existing specimen of the “Y” chromosome safely contained behind three feet of BPA plastic. Please feel free to purchase a soy bar from the vending machine in order to assist handlers with feeding “him.” Oh my goodness! I see that “he” displayed unnecessary male privilege in your general direction. I’m sorry for any oppression you may have experienced! Please take a complimentary Estrogen Pill. You’re welcome.

Let’s make a quick pit stop at the Happytopia® Restroom just in case you’ve consumed a little too much soy milk. You’ll notice that we’ve done away with phallocentric urinals and replaced them with oppression-free unisex bathrooms. Remember to urinate while sitting!

Next up it’s the Happytopia® PC Respect ‘N Reeducation Classroom™, located in NeuterDome 4C12E. Please sign up for the class of your choice. Thank you. We offer topics such as:

Polyamory 101: Love Thy Neighbor

The Incorrect Wrongness Of Heteronormativity

Practical Application Of Guilt In Everyday Life

Gynecomastia And You

History of the Skrillex Haircut

I regret to inform you that we’re nearly finished. I hope you’ve enjoyed your tour through Post-Gender Happytopia®, and remember to schedule your mandatory sex-reassignment surgery before you make your way back to your Volkswagen Beetle. Thank you!

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