Monday, November 17, 2014

Obama Traded to Canada

The Republican majority in Congress wasted no time, not even waiting to be officially sworn in.

GOP congressional leaders have announced that they've made a deal with the country's chief trading partner, Canada.

They've traded President Barack Obama.

"It was their idea," Senate Majority Leader "Tailgunner" Ted Cruz claimed, pointing to a letter to the editor published in a Canadian newspaper that went viral on the Internet.

"Many of us Canadians are confused by the U.S. midterm elections," wrote Richard Brunt of Victoria, British Columbia. He noted that unemployment is below 6%, the stock market and corporate profits are up, there's no inflation and low interest rates, oil imports and the deficit are declining.

"America is leading the world once again and respected internationally — in sharp contrast to the Bush years. Obama brought soldiers home from Iraq and killed Osama bin Laden. So, Americans vote for the party that got you into the mess that Obama just dug you out of? This defies reason."

"All that leftist socialist Kenyan uppity do gooder Hitler communist big government bleeding heart Nazi stuff was pretty disgusting," Cruz spat. "But he had one good idea that he ended his letter with."

Brunt's final sentence was this: "When you are done with Obama, could you send him our way?"

When he saw that, Cruz could hardly control himself. So he got his GOP colleagues together, they contacted Canadians they knew (mostly in fossil fuels) and quickly made a deal.

In a post-midnight session they traded President Obama for Doug Ford, Jr. who they described as Canada's Prime Minister, and a bagman to be named later.

Douglas Ford is a Toronto city councillor, the brother of former Toronto mayor Rob Ford and part owner of Deco Labels and Tags. He was recently defeated in his electoral bid to become mayor of Toronto.

When a reporter informed the GOP officials that Ford is not the Prime Minister of Canada, GOP senator-elect Joni Ernst of Iowa retorted, "That's your opinion."