Monday night was election-night, and the green-red coalition that has been in power for the last four years was re-elected with a majority of three seats. The Norwegian parliament, unlike the English and US (defacto) two-party systems, consists of several parties. Traditionally Norwegian politics have been divided in left (socialist/red), middle and right (conservative/blue) blocks; but as this years election-results quite clearly shows, we are subtly moving towards a two block system that mimics the US-English system.

In the following I will move more or less from the left to the right of Norwegian politics concluding in the end that we should all be friends. Its all quite insightfull and funny, I promise.

Rødt/Rø: The communists on the far left haven't won representation the last few elections, and even when they had representation last time it was only one guy. The communistparty, now a coalition of secterian communistic beliefs under the name Rødt [Red], was initially a breakout party from the country's largest party; the social democratic Labourparty. They have been in the cold for about a hundred years, and now the scattered remains of a proud movement are only fools to be used for rightwing scaretactics. I read Marx at 11 and was a big fan, but as I grew older both communism, and later anarchy, lost their flavour and now I only yearn to see all these communists use kapitalism for what its worth to aleviate the suffering of those oh so huddled masses.

This picture is old. None of the players is at fault. But why does it seem to keep happening? Did you know that the fotographer just kept on walking and that no-one know what happened to the child?

Sosialistisk Venstreparti/SV: Like Rødt the socialist party SV is a splintergroup from the larger Labourparty. They have only 11 representatives, and lost three to the social democrats in this election. In the media the socialist loss to its social democratic big brother-coalitionpartner seems to be explained by the polarization in politics; voters voted for the social democratic party in fear of the Fascistparty FrP or even just a liberal conservative alternative. And even though I personally voted strategically for the social democrats as the real fight in my constituency was between the fascists, the social democrats and the communists; I think the evidence that the Labourparty 'stole' their votes is spurious, and the real reason for the socialist loss lies mainly within two factors:

1.Party leader Kristin Halvorsen accepted the position of finance minister, apparently because the Labourparty shouldn't have all 'the big three' [prime minister, foreign minister and finance minister] even though they are and were the countrys largest party. Its going out on a limb, but I would speculate that she was duped by the more experienced Labourparty to take the one position there really is only so much personal power the minister has since the finance departments budget is made by the parliament, and not the socialists. In a powerless but seemingly powerfull position her bondage seriously damaged the party's image.

Furthermore her failure to do the one thing she should have been able to do: Making the etichal committee of the Norwegian oil fund the most powerful player in the market of investments that both make money and the world a better place. We could have been a shining example for all other civilized nations. Kristin Halvorsen could have done this, she could at least have fought for this. But she didn't. [Update: SV powerplayer argue they should do everything in their power to keep the post.]

I was impressed and moved to tears by her adress to her party once the results were more or less clear; she has grown as a leader, but to take her party into the coming decades she need to grow as a human beeing as well. We love you Kristin! But do get a fucking grip.

2. Former party leader Erik Solheim's involvement in the catastrophe that is the Tamil exterminationcamps in north Sri Lanka; a situation reminiscent of Rwanda, Jugoslavia, Cambodia, the Soviet Union, Germany/Poland, Armenia and that early murderous America. He might be the hero who tried to stop the unstoppable; but we will never truly know and he has shamed his party and the name of his father. He is a nice guy and while you shouldn't send wolves to do a dogs job (imagine the colatteral damage), its quite stupid to send a dog to do a wolfs job.

Next four years I want to see visionary politics from you guys - and thanks for saving Lofoten :)))))))

Old Tamil lady. Her family was raped and killed in exterminationcamps. Now she feels all alone in the world as all the love she suffered for through a long life of toil and disapointment is gone. Her family and relatives forgotten by the world, she is the last of her line.

Arbeiderpartiet/DNA/AP: The social democrats are the winners of the election with the 3 mandates they won from the socialists. The party started out as a labourparty, but has later changed to be the party of the administrative Norway. Powers they once fought have been completely taken over (or mayhaps DNA has been taken over by its enemies; they couldn't even know for sure themselves).

They still represent skilled labour, but they have sadly forgotten the many unskilled labourers stuck in temp-hell. The allianse between heavy industy, skilled workers and the intranslatable «øvriheita» («the aboves» but also with a hint of the «others») is a powerfull one, and the party has been the defacto strongest party in the nation since atleast WWII. Øvriheitas oldest roots are the Danish colonial administration with taxation, the clergy, the police, the army, customs, state and communal administration and in time the party has grown to represent, to the best of their ability, the whole welfare state.

On a darker note the official name of the social democratic labourparty is Det Norske Arbeiderparti (DNA) meaning The Norwegian Labourparty. Its origins as a socialist party with a nationalistic overtone in its very name not even the rightwing nationalistic racist organizations have been able to match: makes it a national socialist party. (But without, ofcourse, most of the madness of eugenetics and not a hint of the pure metaphysical insanity of fighting Gods own people.)

It seems we live in a fascist utopia, and the social democrats protestantic gut instinct of controlling and regulating whatever is controllable and regulatable makes our beloved soil and sea almost unlivable for those who value freedom. The coldness of the administration is akin to that of nazi germany, only tempered with rules that mimic some sort of humanistic ethic.

The social democrats are easy to dislike because of the shrewd way they play the game and their ability to exercise power, but while their tackle of coalitionpartner Kristin Halvorsen was dirty; it was only her ikarian hubris and lack of good advisors that allowed for it to happen. I would expect nothing less of the party actualy found myself voting for than to play a hardball game of realpolitik. With that said I think they should give the socialists some say, some sway, in a few of the issues where they in reality agree, but DNA under normal conditions wouldn't go as far as the socialists would.

Seriously guys; we are all adults here. The socialists mean well; help them make the world a better place and they will be as happy as fuckbunnies, and we will all love you the more for it.

I cry for my african brothers and sisters. Come'on guys! You gotta be able to do something!

To win in four years DNA should continue doing all the things they know must be done and help their coalition partners achieve their goals in true DNA-style. A lot of the people who voted for DNA have strong sympathies towards the socialist and even Red side of things. Thus the DNAmandate must be admitted to have a certain leftie flavour.

Another reason to throw the socialist and even the farmersparty some nice phat bones is that as long as you carry the proud name of our nation you must abide by our custom. Loyalty should be rewarded; more so when the loyal one has paid a high price for her loyalty. He who doth not is a niding and this is what the social democratic system is built on. And anyways; the socialists were once part of the social democratic labourparty; and it is with parties as with families – they never truly part&blood is thicker than water.

Brødrene Løvehjerte - Brothers Lionheart. If you don't know it I suggest you read the book as soon as oportunity presents itself.

Senterpartiet/SP: The third coalitionpartner is the farmers party. It is rumored they used to have some nazi-sympathies as well, but these days they represent the districts and farmers & the expected conservative values coming with the territory when you're representing Norwegian rednecks. (Even if their necks seldom get red or even pink...).

Their position is unchanged mandatewise, but they lost 1,2% of their votes from the 07 and they are still 1300 votes or so smaller than the socialists. It may seem they have done as well as they possibly could in a coalition that I'm sure must have been very uneasy at times – especially being in bed with the dreaded socialists. The whole liberal etich of their partners concerning stemcell-research, abortions, gay marriage et cetera must have been bitter to swallow indeed; a but as long as they get their roads and farm subsidies and whatnot, they let cityfolks do what cityfolks do and swallow like any farmgirl bred for breeding.

The irony may be that the farmers party could have a lot more power if they only had managed to ally with the farmer/fisher culture of the traditional north. But they are not as vehemently against industrial-style trawlers as to please most northern fishers. The northerner giving his vote to the labourparty, the conservatives and even the facistparty share a lot of views otherwise with the farmers party. Many could quite easily be swayed to give the party another whooping 5% or so of the vote without any of that conflicting with their base vote. If I were in the strategical council of the party: I most certainly would advice them to go for the fisheries minister-post in addition to pwning the roads/transport/travel- and farming departments.

Venstre/V: Right in the middle (pun not intended), in reality if not in factuality, together with the Farmers party and the christian democrats you find the Socialliberal party Venstre. I have mentioned them earlier, and was planning to vote for them, but since they weren't an option in the strategical vote... you know buddy, no hard feelings?

It seems many other people made the same choice (/did the same choice depending on your preferential metaphysical point of view) because Venstre were the great surprise of the election loosing 8 out of 10 mandates falling below the 5% bonuspoint the creators of fascist utopia installed in our system to keep communists, anarchists, racists, internationalists, islamists, pirates or any other extremist undemocratic marginal loco group opposed to the status quo out of any kind of position of power. [update: The old cadre carefully make their play the day before the partys national convention. They are scared now - but will the younger ones smell their fear?]

Back in the olden days Venstre were the first Norwegian party. Venstre literally means Left, and marginally younger conservative party Høyre means Right. The names are inspired by the pre-revolutionary French parliament and antique Athens democracy. When the social democratic Labourparty came 'round; liberals and conservatives more or less united against the Labourparty, and from then 'til now Venstre, Left, have held their alegiance to the right side of norwegian politics.

The non-cooperative attitude towards the current social democratic-regime seems more of a gut reflex than any sensibly applied logic/strategical thinking/ethics/political philosophy. The current Venstreis as usefull to the right as Rødt is to the left; but they are most certainly the missing piece in a most glorious and honorable thousandyear red-green coalition/reich.

He looks a bit like a young Jens, don't he?

I had thought the Socialliberal party's guarantee not to go into government with the Facistparty would have earned them votes, but I completely underestimated the Rights fear of the Left. Venstres party leader has, and I might add, finally, resigned after their disastrous election and I think its time they realigned their allegiances from the Right and to the Left whence they once came and proud name they even today carry. [update: membership is way up in the days after the crushing defeat.]

The Facistpartys populistic politics is impossible to accept, to compromise with, for the highminded and principled Socialliberal party, and the voters of the right has clearly stated that they would rather have the Fascists in government with the conservatives than the Socialdemocrats and their 'Red-Green Alternative'. With only 3,9% of the votes the remnants of the shattered party should look to the left for the next election for I can guarantee that they will win a lot of votes from the left side if they chose to cooperate.

The causes of the pirateparty is there for the taking, and no existing party is better suited than Venstre: We are, quite many, and many more in years to come. The next election will feature a generation whom has grown up never knowing that ancient time before the internet, that fabled pre-net age.

There will be a lot of votes to a party protecting our right to share information and media, a party that once we loose the battle (as we inevitably must) and the dust settles will continue fighting for copyrights to last as few years as possible. A party with the reputation of protecting the nomads of the internet both from abusive lawsuits and from loosing their right to privacy and freedom of information: is a party that will represent a steady increasingly mass of voters.

Many of us sympathises with the liberal causes of both the Socialliberal party and the Facistparty. We want, maybe not hard liqueur in petrol stations, but certainly red wine and beer stronger than 4,5% in convenient stores. Causes like these lie close to the heart of Venstre (which, btw I think might be freedom) and there is no reason not to steal these issues from the evil clutches of Frp.

As to Venstres possible coalitionpartners to the left its safe to say that their respective political philosofies are so haphazardously created there will be plenty to agree on once they try: Senterpartiet, the Farmers party, might not think they have to much in common with traditionally urban Venstre: but Venstre hath always been a party fighting for small businesses like, uhm, for instance, farms and fishingboats. [update: the leader of Senterpartiet invites Venstre and KrF to cooperation. Both parties refuse the invitation. DNA considered Venstre instead of SV.]

Hearsay has it Venstre and Senterpartiet are spoken of as two senile parties, and in a way that is very true. One party represents urbanity, the other the rural - but both parties fail to represent the soul of their party, their brand, if you'll excuse this onetime use of dirtywords. But as they think of themselves as representing two oposites; any antrophologist worth quoting at this point would tell you they are really the same thing, and that their interest coinside. But they do however represent two different sets of morals, and thus they are forever lost to eachother like lovers torn apart by cruel fate.

The bitch represents Venstre, the hunk Senterpartiet in this piece by an anonymous artist.

Senterpartiets and Venstres meetingpoints in day-to-day politics are so many the parties become indistinguishable and both parties share a burning devotion to the environment just like like SV, the socialist party. That alone should be enough for all parties to cooperate, so I'll leave the details to the dearly bethrothed.

While big brother DNA might be a little bit more concerned about big-business and the bureaucracy they are, to the best of my knowledge, all for small businesses or atleast not in anyway against the little man. And as for all the hard facts of big government there is nothing Venstre can do to change that within or without position and everybody knows that Jens' the man: It will be as he decides it; but he will listen attentivly to your concerns and do his best to give you peace of heart just as that father of the nation he wants to be would have done.

The biggest problem with joining ranks with Venstre for DNA is that they probably would actually loose voters and seats by letting Venstre into the warmth. Venstre leeching voters from them might even be a nightmare for some DNA-analyst. But DNA might allow it realizing that 86/83 isn't nearly as much fun as a sweet 100/69 making a sexual joke out of the oposition in 2013.

They will (try to) play the two minors Venstre and SV up against eachother in the classic style of Julius Cæsar's 'Divide&Conquer'. As any economist, political scientist, sociologist or urologist could tell you; only relative size matters. If Venstre as a show of faith elect some hot radical highly intelligent babe with a degree in economics, law, political science et.al from the youth organization as a figurehead leader: Jens alphamale thing wont be treathened and DNA can welcome ya'll aboard.

As all married men I, ofcourse, instinctivly think that he is experiencing the most terrifying joyous and divine ritual he will ever experience except that one with the babies. But perhaps it is not a cruel but very funny joke from his friends, but a legitimate cry for help? Is it a shotgun wedding? Did he finally fuck the wrong girl? What oh what must he be feeling if this is the situation and he dearly loves the one who promised to wait for him?

The liberal thinking of Venstres thinkthanks haven't perhaps always been too thorough; but the party's youth organisation have the moral courage to say yes to controversial but necessary evils like publicly controlled brothels and legalization of both soft and hard drugs. – Cuz neighter will ever disappear and any moron who finished highschool should know that by now.

The question is how do we deal with it. In my humblest of opinions it is our duty as a society and nation to take care also of those of our sons and daughters that choose, or by the force of the complete randomness of it all; fall into paths of suffering and degradation.

You do realize she could have been your mother, sister, daugther?

Fact: Legalization is coming.The ethical arguments for legalization are supported by the empirical evidence that keeps amassing as more and more nations experiments with decriminalization. The economical pressures on modern nations and governments are becoming so strong (in the less oilrich countries at least;) that not only are they having problems paying for the policing and imprisonment of their citizens – (in prisons varying from institutions designed to 'rehabilitate' or 're-program' the inmate, to the veritable concentrationcamps of the US and the automatic death sentences we find in greater parts of eastern Eurasia).

Many states (like for instance Iceland and California) actually need the extra income to pay for the booming population of seniors, our ever increasing ability to treat the previously untreatable and our environmental excesses.

The strategical arguments are also changing. In Norway many find the american «War on Drugs» a little amusing, like newspeak, haha; but the War on Drugs is infact a low intensity civil war fought by proxies; by law enforcement agencies designed (presumably) as much for population-control as for actually removing any trace of drugs from our streets. A war fought by mercenary-organizations dubbed «gangsters», «mafia» or even «holy warriors» all reaping the fat of the land; giving the powers that be a good reason to keep policing its citizens in never before heard of scales.

Columbia is a defacto failed state. Mexico is a defacto failed state and anyone who says otherwise can go and have a nice vacation in one of the US-Mexican bordertowns and then you can tell all about it in the comments field. (I foockin' double dare yah mate!) Afghanistan is a defacto failed state. The situation is in many ways comparable to the situation in failed African states. When large amounts of money cums into a country outside the states control, the state becomes destabilized, civil war ensues and the weaker states fail utterly – while most stronger states like Norway or the US of A only suffers the beforementioned low-intensity civil war.

A change is gonna come; the earliest possibility is right before or right after Obamas second term – I can't justify predicting after that, but the current situation is not going to get better and sooner or later the issue will be forced.

If Venstre now, with 2 mandates in parliament, as the first 'serious' party in Norway, take a stand against prohibition and for the legalization of all drugs; the party will only be promoting the inevitable legislation their very own youthorganisation wants to see. And Venstre would win the hearts of stoners everywhere. (If you are in the top echelons of Venstre, ask one of your political advisors, or perhaps one of your less reputable childhood friends: How many stoners there be?)

Picture for illustrative purpose only, none of the participants in this staged photo had enjoyed illegal substances at the time. I am the freak to the right. That night we danced like youth was leaving us and we were becoming men without really wanting it yet.

Kristelig Folkeparti/KrF: The Christian Peoples Party is a christian democratic party tending to swing right. They aren't truly committed to the right as they are more of a morale party than a party with any real political philosophy. They do however still think they again can rule with Høyre and Senterpartiet like it was yesteryore - but those days have gone. In the fray to ensue KrF must choose sides or become truly neutral protectors of religion. [Update: A change is gonna come?]

They lost one mandate this year, and seem to have had a very badly handled campaign. FrP, the fascistparty, have been courting the bornagains for a few years now, and it might seem that the loss of the charismatic movement slowly is starting to take its toll on the more traditionally oriented core of KrF.

It is sad to me that this party is so closely connected not only to christianity, but to a few certain brands of christianity. We are many who believe in God, even more so who are religious in thoughts, conduct and reverence. It is sad that this party has no room for moslems, rastafaris, buddhists, hindus, mystics, shamanistic aboriginal beliefs, philosophers, magicians... : There should be a party for all who in their hearts know there is a higher law: and that party could do a lot more of Gods work than any protestant political coalition in the guise of a political party. (And by the way: the prophet Halie Selassie most certainly did say that Ganja is the proof that God loves us.)

Høyre/H: If I remember correctly (but this was in the olden days when I still was a kid) the Conservative Party, Høyre ('right'), simply used to be The Party until one day someone disagreed and created Venstre ('left'). [update: Thanks to Kjellemann for pointing out that it indeed was the other way around.]

They have a certain image of being the protectors of business and bourgeoisie values; but they also were the party who actually implemented the first full scale version of todays welfare system. Being conservative in Norway for most people means to be also the protectors of a social democratic system.

For the last decade at least Høyre has been divide by the same New Labour tendencies that ravaged Arbeiderpartiet 'round the turn of the century (at DNAs lowest approvalrating like ever). I had hoped oldskool Høyre would win though, but this election makes that almost impossible: Høyre is the elections big winner with 7 new mandates, and thus the old ways seems to have been completely left behind.

Høyre is a very interesting party as it might well be softening influence on coalitionpartner Fremskrittspartiet if there is a bourgeouis majority after the next election. Like Arbeiderpartiet they know how to handle power, and they are our only shield against disaster in a Rightwing 2013 landslide.

Fremskrittspartiet/Frp: Throughout this article I've at times been calling The Progressparty "The Facistparty". That might not only be untrue in some senses, but it might even be a profanation of the word 'fascism' due to the simple fact that noone will show up on my door and beat the crap out of me. I apologize to all victims of true fascism and will try to refrain from this infantile tripe as of this point on. Btw: Lets all do that.

FrP is a Ayn Rand inspired populist party, and there are many of us that are afraid they will turn this country into the united states before we'll have time to blink. They are a party of discontents and used car dealers that prey on fear and pain; a party who offer easy and usually counterproductive solutions to some of the most vital problems in our society.

Sadly they are also the only party taking a very clear stand on the immigrationproblem. The other parties are toughening up, but they are still not going far enough, and they are still not taking in the consequences of recent events in world history. Since we are fighting a prehistoric monster it seems to me in its place to quote Jurassic Park at this time: «Later there will be running and screaming.»

Is it not hard to run and scream at the same time? Ask one of the blonde prettygirls ravaged by ex child soliders in the dark allys of Norwegian capitol city Oslo.

Opening up to Europa and especially eastern Europa is taking its toll on this country. I know because I have lived in eastern Europa for more than a year, I read Norwegian news and I have a lot of friends from eastern Europa that lives or have lived in Norway.

If you study the patterns of conflict you will see that world is about to explode. This is not just some blogger opinion – even if I'm not linking – there is no final evidence, just like with the environmental thingie, you can never prove whats going to happen in the future. There are simply to many factors.

(FrP btw belive Al Gore is taking his mouth full just like that time with "creating the internett", and then later the thing with the timemachine, with this whole powerpoint mediaspin he was doing for a while.)

This is the symbol of the Comedian in 1986 masterpiece Watchmen. If I offended anyone by thinking this is all kind of funny I apologize for hurting their feelings, and promise to keep striving for change and compromise. New readers should be advised that I have a condition and really cant help it.

No-one really wants to say it out loud cuz noone wants to be the guy yelling The End is Nigh! But I will repeat that: The world is about to explode. In conflict, disaster, death in unprecedented levels, and Europa needs to protect her own now.

I had thought (much like, Im sure, the young happy boy Adolf Hitler who never envisioned himself in a bunker smelling of stale sweat and the diesel stench from the generators screaming "Kill them all!!! Damn them all to hell!!! Howl. Howl. Howl." with spit and madness exploding like a fountain from lips shaking with Parkinsons disease and heavy alcohol and amphetamine abuse)... I had thought I would never utter such a horror: but no matter our good intentions we can not afford refugees of war, opression and poverty when they prove to be a burden on our society in a span of generations rather than years or decades.

Asylants should all be artists, writers, academics, politicians and journalists – all those who in a non-violent fashion have opposed the oppression in their home countries. There should be no doubt to their identity because if their «crime» is not documented it could not have been the crime of an artist, writer, politician or journalist according to an UDI spokesperson. Get it?

If we in western Europa need additional workers we should turn our eyes to the east and help our neighbors become strong european welfare democracies.

My sentiments here are not a representation of Fremskrittspartiet muddled nationalistic and xenophobic views, but a representation of my own (thoughts) on the subject. If you now consider that I was raised by hippies, was part of the anti-racist movement for many years (and have the scars to prove it), that I have traveled extensively, that I have some college-education and prefer reading to watching television and usually vote to the left... If a guy like me can have thoughts of this nature: It is certainly not strange that FrP are the second biggest party in the country – and once a more «normal» party steals the hardliner position on immigration FrP most certainly will be a party the size of puny Kristelig Folkeparti.

Like the great philosopher Rodney King said: Why can't we all just be friends?