Aftermath.

Everyone said that when we wrapped filming, I’d get really depressed. I’ve just been working on it for too long. But production tentacles are still wrapped around my throat, so it’s a touch surreal for me. I’m editing the film, and there are a lot of details that just aren’t done with me yet. Location issues, payroll. It was an enormous and terrifying thing to just up and make the film ourselves. The analogy I kept coming back to in pre-pro was that it felt like driving a car that hits a patch of ice. You’re going so fast and the brakes won’t do anything but you can still sort of control the steering. So you guide the car into the skid and hope for the best. That was me, all January. On set, my AD pointed out that production felt to him like a very fast train, and we were all running in front of it to lay down track. The overlap in our analogies is interesting, I like that we both went to these nightmare vehicular catastrophes. So you go through that for a month or so and then it’s over! It just stops. I no longer have to think about scheduling, or hiring extras, or worrying about whether it’s going to rain when we need to shoot in the park. I don’t have to panic that I’ve brought the wrong costumes or lunch is late.

The absence of that daily drama is to fall backwards in a warm bath. I am so relieved we got through it. For two weeks I’ve been feeling ALL OF THE EMOTIONS but mostly it’s relief. We shot it! It’s been filmed. That part is done. Editing, oof. I’ll have a cut within two months, probably, not one as previously desired. I already feel like I’ve been editing forever, and I’ve only cut 10 or so scenes. Out of 124!

But god. It’s complicated, you guys, because also? I got to spend a month listening to the best actors in the fucking world say lines I wrote. I got to watch my husband put together shots that are so elegant, so perfectly composed and gorgeous, that they break my heart. I got to hang out with my mom for a few weeks, since she was on set helping out. I got to watch Serena blossom into a role she was born to do and I cannot wait to work with her again. I got to operate at a level of sustained focus and intensity that was a beast to maintain but also wonderful. I’ve never worked harder in my life, and it gave my life a color that was new and sustaining.

So yes, I suppose I’m a little depressed. Well, not depressed. I feel crazy. I don’t know what to talk about when I hang with people who weren’t on set with me. I don’t know how to talk about this project, because how do you? Like, all of the above post – can you imagine if I said that to you at a party? Dude, I did that Saturday. Crazy is the word. I feel super crazy.

I’m working on a teaser trailer, something with a bit of the story and my favorite pretty shots. I recently edited one that’s too disjointed to work for promotion, but I like how it came out. It’s cut to a song we use in the film called Catch 22 by Imani Coppola. It’s off of her outstanding album The Glass Wall. If you want to see it, go here. The password is teaser.

Thank you for caring about this project. I am so enormously excited to share the finished film.

1 Comment

[…] I’ve met some incredible people at these festivals. Some epically smart, driven women, especially. It’s company that makes me want to step up my game in a lot of life arenas. But watching the film and talking about the process with an almost two year remove from physical production is crazy. It feels so insane that it happened at all. The difficult stuff seems very far away. But then I read this and it gets fresh again. […]