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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Just when I think this oil spill fiasco cannot possibly get any crazier, the Feds have announced today that they are consulting with James Cameron (the guy who directed Titanic and Avatar), because he's "considered an expert on underwater filming and remote vehicle technologies." Whaaaaat???

In other news, Tom Hanks has been called in to consult with Gen. Petraeus about Afghanistan, and Ben Affleck has been tapped to direct the space program.

Charles Krauthammer, appearing on Special Report With Bret Baier today, just said the following about consulting with James Cameron:

Well it's not surprising. He's the only person who can actually send an avatar into the sea and plug the well...Look, I thought that was an Onion story...it's becoming bizarre.

You know you're in trouble when the SNL sketch making fun of you sounds way more reasonable than the ideas you're actually presenting:

So what are they going to try next? Duct tape? Jedi mind tricks? Seeing if Criss Angel or Uri Geller have any ideas? Stuffing the hole with Tribbles?

All joking aside, the Gulf States are left to watch, wonder, and worry as the oil continues to gush millions of gallons into the ocean, killing our wildlife, devastating our beaches and ecosystems, and wiping out generations of family businesses...while the companies and government officials involved continue to issue meaningless press releases where they breathlessly reassure us that they are trying really, really, reeeeaaaaaalllly hard and this time they are surehopefulpraying willing to sell their first-born for any sort of chance that their latest goofy scheme may work.

You know you're in trouble when the SNL sketch making fun of your lunatic ideas actually ends up sounding more sane than you do.

Man, what I wouldn't give for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and yell that we'd all been punked, and this entire incompetent nightmare of a Presidency had just been a practical joke, and the adults were going to be put back in charge soon.