Congregation (parts in normal font): Your premise is faulty. We are not punching ourselves.

Let us stop punching ourselves in the face!

You are making us punch ourselves in the face.

Let us stop punching ourselves in the face.

Please, stop. For the Love of God, please stop!

We are all sinners and guilty of punching ourselves in the face!

It's not us, really, it isn't. You are the one who is doing the punching!

Thank you Lord for not punching us in the face, though, lo! we really deserve it.

Please Lord, let the punching stop!

And now we will take up collection. Be generous and maybe the punching will stop.

Amen, Lord. And once again, we implore you, let the punching stop!

***

And there you have religion in a nutshell, so to speak, or at least ONE KIND of religion. I am aware of many others. The villages where I lived and grew up where basically labs in comparative religion for anybody over the age of seven and smart enough to pay attention.