Growing pains.

Burrowing farther underneath my covers didn’t stop my alarm clock from ringing at 6:45 this morning. And frankly, I couldn’t remember the last time I had been up that early. For some reason I thought jumping right back into working a twelve hour day since I had spent most of my summer doing just that, would be easy. Sure, I hadn’t worked in a month and half, but I wasn’t a stranger to hard work. Plus, it started out okay. On Wednesday I went to my part time job at 8:00, worked ’til 3:00, and then headed straight to the TU. I thought I was handling it well. I didn’t feel tired. But when I accidentally wandered into the men’s bathroom, I realized that maybe I was just a tad overtired.

I’m old. I’ve reached the point in my life where I can’t stay up ’til 3:oo a.m. and rely on a steaming cup of espresso the following morning to help me function especially with two jobs, an internship, and the seven classes I’m tackling this

Psh. I can do all that when I’m dead. But all jokes aside, slowing down isn’t an option. Why? Because everything is about to change and the more I stop to think about it, the more freaked out I get.

Alright. I’ll finally admit it. I am terrified about going to Liberty. October is almost over. If October flew by this fast then so will November and December. The chapter about my life in the 518 is starting to come to a close and I’m not sure that I want it to end quite yet. I want change, but I’m afraid of change.

The future is clearly before me, but I can’t help but look back. Everything was so different about a year ago where Virginia seemed years away. I was different. People who had been acquaintances became my closest friends. I didn’t have a care in the world. Everything was just simple and I was content with how my life was turning out. However, it didn’t couldn’t stay that way. And when it comes down to it, it’s hard to to say goodbye to all the memories, the friends, who I used to be, and that simple way of thinking. And sometimes you have to say goodbye without closure or resolve, which is the hardest part (for me at least.) Sometimes you just have to walk away even though things seemed so perfect and know that the future has to be ten times better.

You shouldn’t ignore change. You should embrace it no matter how difficult it seems at the moment because it leads to the next beginning. And like I said, I’m trying to hide in the past. But the future? It’s not so bad. I mean, I’m moving to my dream school, writing for the TU about a subject that I’m absolutely love with, and becoming an adult. Yes, it wasn’t easy getting to this point, but it only gets better from here.

Maybe I’m starting to contradict myself, but the more I write, the more this blog post is turning into one of those aha! moments. It’s okay to be busy, but not to the point where I miss out on my last few weeks in New York. It’s time to take a deep breath, and jump into the fog, hoping that I hit the ground running. So here it goes. Come at me, Future.