9 comments:

William
said...

Homosexuality is a choice. It is great to hear that science has confirmed this once and for all. Homosexual activists like John Hosty have been trying to portray themselves as "victims" who are discriminated against because of some genetic trait. The hard science from a leading scientist shatters that lie.

The SPLC owes Mass Resistance an apology. I would point readers of this Blog to Paul's Blog post pertaining to the SPLC's labelling Mass Resistance a hate group based upon a definition which doesn't even cover homosexuality.

The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) devotes an entire section at its website to "Teaching about tolerance." But what is tolerance? How do we define it? Dr. Montague Brown, a professor of philosophy at St. Anselm College in Manchester, New Hampshire, provides us with an excellent definition of tolerance. He writes, "Tolerance is the willingness to accept actions we believe to be inappropriate or even wrong because it would be worse to take action against them. Tolerance is community-oriented. Ideally, all bad behavior should cease, but it is unrealistic to think that society could succeed in enforcing this ideal. Tolerance understands this." (The One-Minute Philosopher, p. 166).

And how would we define relativism? Again, Dr. Montague: "Relativism is the assumption that there is no right or wrong. No action is considered better or worse than any other. If this is so, all actions are equally acceptable. Relativism is profoundly anti-community. If there are no standards of morality to which we should adhere, tolerance is no better than intolerance." (The One-Minute Philosopher, p. 167).

Does the SPLC possess an adequate understanding of what constitutes tolerance? Such would not appear to be the case. While the SPLC has done much good in the past, exposing hate groups across the United States, recent additions to the organization's list of hate groups has many asking the same question: Quo vadis SPLC?

"...the atheistic systems of modern times are the most frightful examples of passionate religious enthusiasm alienated from its proper identity, and that means a sickness of the human spirit that may be mortal. When the existence of God is denied, freedom is, not enhanced, but deprived of its basis and thus distorted. When the purest and most profound religious traditions are set aside, man is separating himself from his truth; he is living contrary to that truth, and he loses his freedom." (Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger).

"Nowadays there is a tendency to claim that agnosticism and sceptical relativism are the philosophy and the basic attitude which correspond to democratic forms of political life. Those who are convinced that they know the truth and firmly adhere to it are considered unreliable from a democratic point of view, since they do not accept that truth is determined by the majority, or that it is subject to variation according to different political trends. It must be observed in this regard that if there is no ultimate truth to guide and direct political activity, then ideas and convictions can easily be manipulated for reasons of power. As history demonstrates, a democracy without values easily turns into open or thinly disguised totalitarianism." (Pope John Paul II, Encyclical Letter Centesimus Annus, No. 46).

Thank you for your response to my letter of concern about some factual errors in your Complete Medical Encyclopedia.

Unfortunately, our concerns remain. You failed to address the specific examples of factual errors in your encyclopedia about homosexuality--specifically--

-- homosexuality's prevalence;-- the ability of homosexuals to change;-- the "born that way" myth

We ask you to consider the following:

The Inaccurate 10% Figure

You state that the number of practicing homosexuals is always stated as an estimate or opinion-- yet the 10% figure is clearly inaccurate by any survey that has been conducted in recent years. All major research studies conducted in the past few years show that homosexuals account for only 2- 3% of the population. [1]

The latest figures on how many homosexuals are in the population were released by the Canadian government in June, 2004. StatsCan's survey discovered that only 1.3 of men considered themselves homosexual and only 0.7 of women considered themselves homosexuals. The survey showed that out of a population of 31,752,842, only 316,800 self-reported as being gay. Even if this figure is underreported, most statistics from other nations show only 2-3% of the population claim to be gay or bisexual. [2]

One Canadian gay activist has openly criticized his fellow activists in the gay rights movement who continue to use the 10% figure as "fact." Gareth Kirkby, managing editor of the Vancouver gay paper Xtra West, wrote an editorial in the August 20, 1998 edition. In it, he noted: "Why is it that some of us continue to end and twist and otherwise play loose with (often out-dated) so-called facts? Why, for example, do we continue to insist that 10 percent of the overall population is gay or lesbian?" Kirkby goes on to cite other incorrect statistics that have been popularized by gay activists. [3]

As I stated in my previous letter, homosexual groups here in the U.S. are now admitting that the 10% figure is wrong and vastly overstated. They admitted so in their legal brief filed in the Lawrence vs. Texas case that legalized homosexual sex throughout the United States.

Here is a 2003 report from UCLA on the numbers of gays in the United States: In "Some Demographic Characteristics Of The Gay Community In The United States," the UCLA School of Law published statistics showing that only 2.1% of the population identify themselves as gay. These statistics come in part from The National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS). The NHSLS survey found that 2.8% of all males and 1.4% of all females identify as gay. [4]

Far from being a statistic that is "commonly agreed upon and reasonable," as you state, the 10% figure is simply wrong and dozens of surveys over the past 20 years confirm this fact.

I could go on, but you can look up these statistics for yourself. I hope you will make the needed changes to your encyclopedia to ensure that your readers are receiving factual information on prevalence rates.

The Spitzer Study

Robert Spitzer, M.D., one of the APA psychiatrists who originally worked to have homosexuality removed from the DSM in 1973, has discovered that individuals with same-sex attractions can change. His 16-month study of 247 individuals who had responded successfully to reorientation therapy was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 32, No. 5, October, 2003, pages 403-417. [5]

Dr. Spitzer found that, contrary to most psychiatric opinion, individuals who have undergone reorientation therapy can experience positive changes from homosexual to heterosexual orientation. Of those he studied, most indicated that they still struggled with homosexual attractions to some degree, but 11% of the males and 37% of the females indicated a complete change from homosexual to heterosexual orientation.

Such change is clearly very difficult to achieve--but this very recent study, published by a prominent researcher in a prestigious publication, indicates that change does occur.

Did those undergoing reparative therapy find it harmful--as some psychiatrists allege? Not so, according to Dr. Spitzer. He found: "To the contrary, they reported that it was helpful in a variety of ways beyond changing sexual orientation itself."

Dr. Spitzer-- who has long been (and still is) a strong ally of the gay community--is now convinced that change is possible and can be beneficial.

In his conclusion, Spitzer states that "the mental health professionals should stop moving in the direction of banning therapy that has, as a goal, a change in sexual orientation. Many patients, provided with informed consent about the possibility that they will be disappointed if the therapy does not succeed, can make a rational choice to work toward developing their heterosexual potential and minimizing their unwanted homosexual attractions."

Dr Spitzer believes that the ability of patients to make a free choice of therapy is fundamental to client autonomy and to self-determination.

Not An Inborn Predisposition

You did not address another factual error we pointed out to you. This is the statement that "...homosexuality appears to result from an inborn physiological predisposition, not from sexual abuse, poor parenting, or contact with homosexual people."

Researchers have openly admitted that they have been unable to find the "gay gene," although they have been searching for it for nearly 20 years.

Please see "The Innate-Immutable Argument Finds No Basis In Science," by Drs. A. Dean Byrd, Shirley E. Cox, and Jeffrey W. Robinson who quote several researchers --including researchers who are themselves homosexual--and have an obvious social-political stake in the outcome. [6]

Gay-activist researcher Dean Hamer, M.D., for example, says this: "There is not a single master gene that makes people gay ... I don't think we will ever be able to predict who will be gay." [7]

Gay-activist researcher Simon LeVay (author of the much-publicized "gay brain" research that made international headlines) has stated: "It's important to stress what I didn't find. I did not prove that homosexuality is genetic, or find a genetic cause for being gay. I didn't show that gay men are born that way, the most common mistake people make in interpreting my work. Nor did I locate a gay center in the brain." [8]

Many other researchers have reached the same conclusions. In fact, there is no recognized researcher in this field who claims that homosexuality in simply "inborn."

Gay Male Behavior Is Inherently Unsafe

Another serious matter of consideration: Gay male behavior is fraught with deadly health risks. To say that someone who has a same-sex attraction is fixed in his sexual identity and cannot change, is to relegate that person to a lifestyle that is much more highly associated with STDs, substance abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts, and broken relationships.

The fact is, homosexual identity and behavior can indeed be modified, and in some cases, there is substantial development of heterosexual responsiveness. The AMA would not recommend that individuals addicted to alcohol continue drinking, or claim that alcoholics are "born with those desires" and should not be supported --when they request such help-- in modifying their unwanted behavior.

Hard facts about the unhealthiness of a gay male lifestyle is as follows: In 1997, the International Journal of Epidemiology published the results of mortality rates among gay and bisexual males in Canada. The report was conducted by the British Columbia Center for Excellence in HIV/AIDS, St. Paul's Hospital, Vancouver, Canada.

The authors of this survey concluded: "In a major Canadian centre, life expectancy at age 20 years for gay and bisexual men is 8 to 20 years less than for all men. If the same pattern of mortality were to continue, we estimate that nearly half of gay and bisexual men currently aged 20 years will not reach their 65th birthday. Under even the most liberal assumptions, gay and bisexual men in this urban center are now experiencing a life expectancy similar to that experienced by all men in Canada in the year 1871." [9]

One of the most recent surveys of the inherently unsafe sexual practices among homosexuals was published by John R. Diggs, M.D. Writing in "The Health Risks Of Gay Sex," Dr. Diggs notes that homosexual males contract syphilis at a rate that is three to four times as high as among heterosexuals. In addition, anal intercourse puts gay males at a high risk for anal cancer, and anal intercourse is also responsible for hemorrhoids, anal fissures, anorectal trauma, and retained foreign bodies. There is a extremely high rate of parasitic and other intestinal infections among male homosexuals who engage in oral to anal contact.

According to Dr. Diggs, a 1988 CDC survey of gay males found their sexual behavior responsible for 21% of all Hepatitis B cases. This is significant considering that gays only comprise about 2% of the population. [10]

A CDC report released in November, 2003, indicated that AIDS infection among gays is rising in 29 states. And, in 2004, Seattle public health officials indicated a rising level of anal cancer among gay males.

Public health officials are also concerned about the increasing practice of "barebacking," or "bug chasing" among homosexuals. Bug chasers are gay males who deliberately seek to become HIV infected. This was reported in the April, 2004 edition of the Journal of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndromes. [11]

You can learn more about barebacking and bug chasing from "Barebacking among gay and bisexual men in New York City: explanations for the emergence of intentional unsafe behavior," by Perry Halkitis, Jeffrey Parsons, and Leo Wilton in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 32, Issue 4, 2003. The authors conclude that this new practice could result in a second major HIV epidemic in the U.S. [12]

You stated in your letter to me that the AMA is concerned with providing clinical information and advice to your readers. I am sure you are also concerned about providing accurate advice and information. This is important not only to your constituents, but also to the American Public. In this case, it is clear that you have not elected to do so when we have brought the facts to your attention. We are hoping that the additional data that we have referenced will convince you to either make the necessary corrections or provide evidence to the contrary. Should our concerns not be satisfactorily addressed, our legal advisors as well as the physician members of NARTH have counseled us to provide notification to both federal agencies as well as state and local medical associations.

NARTH stands ready to work with you to provide your readers with factual, science-based information on homosexuality.

We also stand ready to meet and respond to any challenge to our recitation of the above facts.

Homosexual activists like John Hosty aren't interested in "factual, science-based information on homosexuality" William. They want to deceive people into thinking that their aberrant "lifestyle" is just another normal variant of human sexuality.

Politics and propaganda should be kept out of any discussion of this issue. Science has spoken. And the Natural Law could not be more clear either.

To suggest that homosexuals are "born that way" and have no choice when they engage in homosexual acts because that's "who they are" is to suggest that God was wrong to punish Sodom and Gomorrah for its sins - including and principally homosexual acts.

Homosexual persons may have certain predispositions which influence behavior, but Marie is right. These predispositions are not predeterminations and allow for homosexual persons to choose not to engage in homosexual acts.

Homosexuality (that is to say engaging in homosexual acts) is always a choice. If it weren't, God wouldn't be able to judge anyone for engaging in these acts.

The following article was published in the Salt Lake City Tribune, in a slightly abbreviated form, on May 27th, 2001.

The Salt Lake City Tribune has published several articles in recent months regarding homosexuality. While many of the articles are well-written, they do not reflect the scientific literature. In fact, the social advocacy of many of the articles seems to suggest a greater reliance on politics than on science.

Leaving aside the politics of the issue, perhaps it is time to examine the innate-immutable argument about homosexual attraction. First of all-although the issue is enormously complex and simply cannot be reduced to a matter of nature vs. nature-the answer to that debate is probably "yes" - it is likely that homosexual attraction, like many other strong attractions, includes both biological and environmental influences.

What is clear, however, is that the scientific attempts to demonstrate that homosexual attraction is biologically determined have failed. The major researchers now prominent in the scientific arena-themselves gay activists-have in fact arrived at such conclusions.

Researcher Dean Hamer (1993), for example, attempted to link male homosexuality to a stretch of DNA located a the tip of the X chromosome, the chromosome that some men inherit from their mothers. Referring to that research, Hamer offered some conclusions regarding genetics and homosexuality.

"We knew that genes were only part of the answer. We assumed the environment also played a role in sexual orientation, as it does in most, if not all behaviors..."(Hamer and Copeland, 1994, p. 82).

"Homosexuality is not purely genetic...environmental factors play a role. There is not a single master gene that makes people gay...I don't think we will ever predict who will be gay" (Mitchell, 1995).

Citing the failure of their research, Hamer & Copeland further write,

"The pedigree failed to produce what we originally hoped to find: simple Mendelian inheritance. In fact, we never found a single family in which homosexuality was distributed in the obvious pattern that Mendel observed in his pea plants" (1994, p. 104).

What's more interesting is that when Hamer's study was duplicated by Rice et al with research that was more robust, the genetic markers were found to be nonsignificant. Rice et al concluded:

"It is unclear why our results are so discrepant from Hamer's original study. Because our study was larger than that of Hamer et al, we certainly had adequate power to detect a genetic effect as large as reported in that study. Nonetheless, our data do not support the presence of a gene of large effect influencing sexual orientation at position XQ 28" (Rice et al, 1999, p.667).

Simon LeVay, in his study of the hypothalamic differences between the brains of homosexual and heterosexual men, offered the following criticisms of his own research:

"It's important to stress what I didn't find. I did not prove that homosexuality is genetic, or find a genetic cause for being gay. I didn't show that gay men are born that way, the most common mistake people make in interpreting my work. Nor did I locate a gay center in the brain.

"The INAH 3 is less likely to be the sole gay nucleus of the brain than a part of a chain of nuclei engaged in men and women's sexual behavior....Since I looked at adult brains, we don't know if the differences I found were there at birth, or if they appeared later." (Nimmons, 1994, p. 64).

Indeed, in commenting on the brain and sexual behavior, Dr. Mark Breedlove, a researcher at the University of California at Berkeley, demonstrated that sexual behavior can actually change brain structure. Referring to his research, Breedlove states:

"These findings give us proof for what we theoretically know to be the case-that sexual experience can alter the structure of the brain, just as genes can alter it. [I]t is possible that differences in sexual behavior cause (rather than are caused) by differences in the brain" (Breedlove, 1997, p. 801).

Our Perception of Science Alters Politics

LeVay made an interesting observation about the emphasis on the biology of homosexuality. He noted, "...people who think that gays and lesbians are born that way are also more likely to support gay rights" (1996, p. 282)

The third study, which was conducted by Bailey and Pillard, focused on twins. They found a concordance (both twins homosexual) rate of 52% among identical twins, 22% among non-identical twins and a 9.2 % among non-twins. This study actually provides support for environmental factors. If homosexuality were in the genetic code, all of the identical twins would have been homosexual (1991).

Prominent research teams Byne and Parsons, and also Friedman and Downey, each concluded that there was no evidence to support a biologic theory, but rather that homosexuality could be best explained by an alternative model where "temperamental and personality traits interact with the familial and social milieu as the individual's sexuality emerges" (Byne and Parsons, 1993; Friedman and Downey, 1993).

Are homosexual attractions innate? There is no support in the scientific research for the conclusion that homosexuality is biologically determined.

Is Change Possible?

Is homosexuality immutable? Is it fixed, or is it amenable to change? The 1973 decision to delete homosexuality from the diagnostic manual of the American Psychiatric Association had a chilling effect on research. The APA decision was not made based on new scientific evidence-in fact, as gay activist researcher Simon LeVay admitted, "Gay activism was clearly the force that propelled the APA to declassify homosexuality" (1996, p. 224).

An article in the Monitor on Psychology reviewed the research of Dr. Lisa Diamond, a professor at the University of Utah and concluded that "Sexual identity is far from fixed in women who aren't exclusively heterosexual"(Murray, 2000, p. 15; Diamond, 2000).

What is more intriguing is the research of Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, the prominent psychiatrist and researcher at Columbia University. Dr. Spitzer was the architect of the 1973 decision to remove homosexuality from the diagnostic manual, a gay affirmative psychiatrist , and a long time supporter of gay rights. His current study focused on whether or not individuals can change. His preliminary conclusions are:

"I am convinced from the people I have interviewed, that for many of them, they have made substantial changes toward becoming heterosexual...I think that's news...I came to this study skeptical. I now claim that these changes can be sustained"(NARTH, 2001).

What was most interesting was Dr. Spitzer's response to a journalist who inquired what he would do if his adolescent son revealed his homosexual attraction. Dr. Spitzer said that he hoped that his son would be interesting in changing and would get some help. It is interesting to note that Dr. Spitzer has received considerable "hate mail" and complaints from his colleagues because of his research.

Is homosexuality immutable? Hardly. There is ample evidence that homosexual attraction can be diminished and that changes can be made.

Comparative Levels of Mental Health: The Data

What is particularly disturbing is the lack of attention paid by the media to the research evidence reported in the Archives of General Psychiatry which concluded that gay, lesbian and bisexual people were at higher risk for mental illness, specifically suicidality, major depression and anxiety disorder (Ferguson et al, 1999; Herrell et al).

While one might suggest that society's oppression of homosexual people may be the cause of such mental illness, this may not be the case. In fact, this study corroborated the findings of a well-conducted Dutch study, and Dutch society is a very gay-affirming and gay friendly society (Sandfort et al, 2001).

Bailey (of the twin study) offered other possible reasons for significantly more mental illness in homosexual individuals: "homosexuality represents a deviation from normal development and is associated with other such deviations that may lead to mental illness," or another possibility is "that increased psychopathology among homosexual people is a consequence of lifestyle differences associated with sexual orientation." An additional possibility offered by Bailey: "behavioral risk factors associated with male homosexuality such as receptive anal sex and promiscuity." He noted that it would be a shame if "sociopolitical concerns prevented researchers from conscientious consideration of any reasonable hypothesis" (Bailey,1999, p. 883-884).

Regarding change and the right to treatment, lesbian activist Camille Paglia offered the following observations:

"Homosexuality is not 'normal.' On the contrary it is a challenge to the norm...Nature exists whether academics like it or not. And in nature, procreation is the single relentless rule. That is the norm. Our sexual bodies were designed for reproduction...No one is born gay. The idea is ridiculous...homosexuality is an adaptation, not an inborn trait.....

"Is the gay identity so fragile that it cannot bear the thought that some people may not wish to be gay? Sexuality is highly fluid, and reversals are theoretically possible. However, habit is refractory, once the sensory pathways have been blazed and deepened by repetition-a phenomenon obvious in the struggle with obesity, smoking, alcoholism or drug addiction....helping gays to learn to function heterosexually, if they wish, is a perfectly worthy aim.

"We should be honest enough to consider whether homosexuality may not indeed be a pause a the prepubescent stage where children anxiously band together by gender....current gay cant insists that homosexuality is 'not a choice,' that no one would choose to be gay in a homophobic society. But there is an element of choice in all behavior, sexual or otherwise. It takes an effort to deal with the opposite sex; it is safer with your own kind. The issue is one of challenge versus comfort." (Paglia, 1994, pp. 70, 72, 76, 77, 78, 91).

Gay activist Doug Haldeman, at a recent meeting of the American Psychological Association, focused on the right of individuals who were unhappy with their homosexual attraction to pursue treatment and change. He stated,

"A corollary issue for many is a sense of religious or spiritual identity that is sometimes as deeply felt as is sexual orientation. For some it is easier, and less emotionally disruptive, to contemplate changing sexual orientation, than to disengage from a religious way of life that is seen as completely central to the individual's sense of self and purpose....

"However we may view this choice or the psychological underpinnings thereof, do we have the right to deny such an individual treatment that may help him to adapt in the way he has decided is right for him? I would say that we do not" (Haldeman, 2000, p. 3).

Finally, lesbian activist and biologist Dr. Anne Fausto-Sterling of Brown University offers some interesting insight. Referring to the "born-that-way" argument, she states,

"It provides a legal argument that is, at the moment actually having some sway in court. For me, it's a very shaky place. It's bad science and bad politics. It seems to me that the way we consider homosexuality in our culture is an ethical and a moral question" (Dreifus, 2001).

When asked about how much of her thinking about change in sexuality comes from her own life, Fausto-Sterling responded,

"My interest in gender issues preceded my own life changes. When I first got involved in feminism, I was married. The gender issues did to me what they did to lots of women in the 1970's: they infuriated me. My poor husband, who was a very decent guy, tried as hard as he could to be sympathetic. But he was shut out of what I was doing. The women's movement opened up the feminine in a way that was new to me, and so my involvement made possible my becoming a lesbian.

"My ex and I are still friends. It is true. I call myself a lesbian now because that is the life I am living, and I think it is something you should own up to. At the moment, I am in a happy relationship and I don't ever imagine changing it. Still, I don't think loving a man is unimaginable." (Dreifus, 2001).

A Moral-Philosophical Issue, or a Scientific Issue?

LeVay concludes: "First, science itself cannot render judgments about human worth or about what constitutes normality or disease. These are value judgments that individuals must make for themselves, while possibly taking scientific findings into account. Second, I believe that we should as far as possible, respect people's personal autonomy, even if it includes what I would call misguided desires such as the desire to change one's sexual orientation" (LeVay, 2000, p. 12).

"...biology is amoral; it offers no help in distinguishing between right and wrong. Only people, guided by their values and beliefs, can decide what is moral and what is not" (Hamer and Copeland, 1994, p. 214).

Homosexuality is an issue of ethics and morality. Individuals who experience unwanted homosexual attractions have a right to treatment aimed at reducing those attractions.

Whether or not others agree with that choice is not as important as respecting their right to make the choice. In fact, tolerance and diversity demand that they do so.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008How I Overcame 30 Years of Homosexuality -- From The Journal of James Hartline The Journal of James HartlinePreparing For My DepartureBut Running My Race Until I Leave!

How I Overcame 30 Years of HomosexualityA Chapter From The Journal of James Hartline:Gaining Life By Overcoming Death Through Jesus Christ

Part 1: August 4, 2008 -- Facing Death

It was another very hot, muggy day as I walked towards the UCSD Owens Clinic, a medical clinic in San Diego where I have been treated for AIDS and Hepatitus C for the past ten years. Throughout the early part of the summer of 2008, I had been experiencing episodes of extreme fatigue, heavy night sweats and weight loss. I attributed most of the symptoms I was enduring to my exhausting schedule. From competing as a candidate for the San Diego City Council to a recent speaking tour in the state of Ohio, I was tired and I really had pressed myself to the limit. However, this day was an even more trying time. It took all of my strength just to get over to the doctor's office.

As I headed quickly towards my appointment with the physician who specializes in treating patients who are co-infected with AIDS and Hepatitus C, I was really laboring to walk the three miles to the clinic. With each passing minute I was becoming sicker and sicker. Something was wrong -- very wrong. I was literally pouring sweat from every pore in my body and the loss of fluids was draining every ounce of strength left in me.

With a faith in God that has been tried and tested in the fierce fires of great affliction over many years, I walk everyday with an unshakable confidence in the promises of Jesus Christ. His promises to me are ultimate truth -- truth that will see me through every trouble that I will face today and everyday that follows. Despite the fact that I suffer daily with physical pain, I am confident that Jesus Christ will heal me from every disease because His word promises me this eternal gift: His body was broken and crucified so that I might be healed.

This is the attitude that I woke up with on the morning of August 4, 2008 when I was scheduled to see the liver specialist at Owens Clinic. The previous night had been a miserable one for me. I barely slept, waking up every two or three hours soaked in my own sweat. Throughout the night, my joints hurt so much that I felt like my back was being realigned by an invisible and cruel surgeon. I sluggishly got dressed and then ate a couple of spoonfuls of cold cereal before heading out the door. With anticipation that the doctor would provide some answers to why I was enduring such an unusual affliction, I headed as quickly as my tired carcass would carry me to Owens Clinic.

Upon arriving at the clinic I fell into a waiting room chair. Within a matter of minutes I was wisked into the nurse's room where my vitals and weight could be checked. As the nurse was taking my blood pressure, I suddenly jerked my head up and declared, "I am going to throw up!"

"Hold on!" the nurse responded as she ran out of the room to get me a plastic bucket to vomit in.

Within five minutes I was vomiting convulsively. The room began to spin and I was headed for a black out. Something was terribly wrong and I was sinking fast from my harsh reality, a reality that I had not previously experienced in the nearly eleven years I had been fighting the AIDS virus.

Things soon went from bad to worse. The doctors were so concerned with my disintegrating condition that they decided to immediately admit me into the hospital. Left for a few moments alone in one of the examination rooms, I began to weakly cry, "What is happening to me Lord?" I really just wanted to go home and lay in my own bed, but I simply had no strength to move, much less make it to my house. There are times in life when the most we can communicate to God is the simplest, but most sincere of all prayers, "Help me God." And that is what I prayed as I nearly blacked out.

For two agonizing days, I laid in a hospital room at the University of California, San Diego. It was a mysterious illness that had attacked my body. With IV's in a number of sites on my arms, I was pumped full of pain medication and at least five or six other medications designed to make my bodily functions work more normally.

The doctors tested me for everything imaginable, but mysteriously, they could not find any foreign viruses, bacteria or other culprits that were causing my bleak condition. To this day, my doctors have not been able to diagnose what attacked my body earlier this summer. Like I have done so many other times during the past eleven years of fighting the AIDS virus, I simply drew close to my God, crying out for His revelations and a resolution to my affliction.

Over the weeks that have followed since the attack against my body, the Lord has revealed to me a reality that brings me so much closer to a deeper walk with the God who reigns in Heaven and on this earth. As I began to recover from this time of intense sickness, the Lord explained to me that He had allowed me to go through a baptism of affliction, a passing through a river of death, where a more intimate relationship with my Father in Heaven would be forthcoming. The attack against my physical body was a spiritual one that had manifested itself with many dangerous physical symptoms. According to the laboratory tests, my liver was toxic. My liver enzymes were thirty times normal. My immune system was diminished and not producing the normal number of t-cells required to fight off diseases. My digestive system was in complete chaos as my entire being was under assault by this enemy.

After leaving the hospital I was tested for dozens of unique diseases, as well as typical ones. The doctors were not able to find any infections or diseases that had caused the type of illness I had battled over the summer. These doctors are some of the finest HIV specialists in the nation and if a disease was causing my illness they would have found it. In the midst of seeking God for relief from my affliction, I was privileged to hear from my Father in Heaven in a most unusual way. What God has spoken to me during the dark nights of my summer ordeal has initiated in me a new and profound understanding of His call upon my life in this generation.

We are not guaranteed to live this day out, but as servants of the Lord Jesus Christ we are required to live each day as if we will not be here tomorrow. If I were to leave this earth tomorrow, what would I want to be doing as I depart? That is the question that the Lord impressed upon me during the time of my recent sufferings.

"What is it you hear in the night, in your suffering," God would ask me.

I would toss and turn as my body sought to find a comfortable place to lay on my bed in the midst of my heavy night sweats and extreme aches and pains. I responded to God's question by saying, "Lord. Lord I hear the haunting sounds of many mothers crying out for their sons to come home from the homosexuality that has taken them away to a place of destruction."

The voices of these mothers haunted my mind and I was not sure at the time what was more painful for me, my afflicted body or the realization that these mothers live with the knowledge that their sons are destroying themselves.

"Lord, I also hear the cries of a young sister who misses her brother, a brother who has abandoned her and the rest of his family for the degradation of a homosexual relationship. And I hear a dad who agonizes over a son who he did not spend more time with. A son who is now lost to a homosexual lifestyle that will eventually kill him prematurely."

God responded to my answers by saying to me, "You have heard correctly."

Then the Lord announced His new edict for my life. The Lord proclaimed to me, "I am taking you to a place in this nation where you are going to fight to get those children back. There is a chance they will come back, but you will have to make even greater sacrifices in your life than the sacrifices you have already made in obedience to Me. And in this battle to save these lost children, you will be willing to make those sacrifices if you love them enough to give up your life for them."

The Lord has instructed me that I now must make myself even more vulnerable to humanity. In doing so, there is the weight of knowing that the greater one exposes the intimate details of one's struggles in this life, the greater there will be persecution and mockery and pain. Yet, isn't that the experience of our Lord as they beat Him and exposed His tortured and naked body to the world while hanging Him upon the cross at Golgotha?

Part 2: September 16, 2008 -- Night Turns To Morning

It is now the month of September and the sickness that tortured me during the earlier part of this difficult summer is completely gone. I actually feel healthier now then I have felt in years. Still, I am often awakened during the hushed late night hours by the haunting voices of sisters and mothers and fathers who weep over their lost sons and brothers, and their lost sisters and daughters, all of them having gone astray into the homosexual life with all of its horrific and terrifying outcomes.

The suffering of so many families who cannot resolve the loss of their children to homosexuality is the reason that I am about to do something so extremely personal that I have not been willing to do such a thing before. The struggle of so many men and women who would leave homosexuality and lesbianism, if they were shown the way, is the reason I am about to begin this incredibly significant new phase of my ministry.

In all of the years that I have been in public ministry, from appearing on the 700 Club to having my life story told throughout America on television, radio, in newspapers and magazines, I have never revealed the contents of my personal journals. For the past ten years, I have kept scores of journals that contain the most intimate details of my battle to overcome homosexuality, dealing with AIDS, and other important issues in my life. On the pages of my journals are my life and death struggles, the dreams and visions given to me by the Lord, and my innermost thoughts, feelings and emotions as my mind was being converted from the depravity of homosexuality to that of a man who has the mind of Christ. These are my secret diaries and contained in them is the descriptive essence of my transformation into a man of God where all old things pass away and all things become new.

I am opening up my life so that many lost souls will be retrieved from the fires of hell. I fully intend to rescue as many lost souls as I can from those unending and eternal flames of torment. And if I get burned up in the process, then let everything that is left of me burn up. The Word of God instructs me in Jude v.22-23: "And have mercy on some, who are doubting; save others, snatching them out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh."

God did not bring me this far so that I could look the other way and not feel the despondency and the hopelessness of so many families as they grieve over their sons and daughters who are now engaged in homosexuality and lesbianism. There is also the added weight of knowing that there are people in our world who are actually deceiving these lost sons and daughters into accepting homosexuality as some type of gift from God. This is a demonic lie, a trap designed by satan to lure as many as possible into an eternal hell that they will never, ever be able to escape from.

Does true love look the other way or does true love challenge the enemy until he releases these sons and daughters from their impending demise? My heart beats with a love that will not allow me to remain silent nor standing on the side with those who are too apathetic to care about the condition of the lost children of our generation.

My journals will reveal the hope of deliverance from homosexuality that is available to every human being that seeks the power to be set free. Where there was once so little hope in our society, God is now saying through me, that there is a new wind blowing across these United States, a wind that brings refreshment to the thirsty souls who are bound up in sexual depravity. Things are now changing in our nation. We are not of the same old stale religion that was willing to sacrifice a generation to the deviancy of unfulfilling sexual urges. No, we are so much more than what has been seen in previous generations. The fires of deliverance have begun to burn in our nation and these awesome flames shall not be extinguished.

It is, perhaps, the most evil of all of the devil's assignments, that an arrangement has been made to allow members of the clergy to stand in pulpits under the sacrificial cross of Jesus Christ while such clergy proceed to tell their congregations that being involved in homosexuality is not a sin, but rather the act of two people who love and care for each other. This deception must be challenged by the true servants of the Lord because the eternal destiny of souls is on the line. With the Lord's help, I fully intend to battle against this deception and to contend for every lost soul trapped in the snare of sexual depravity.

All of my struggles, my pains, and my victories are stored in my journals. Today, I allow you to read an entry from my journal that I wrote nearly ten years ago when I was crying out to God to be delivered from homosexuality. Surely you can see that the Lord did not abandon me in such a humbled state. Indeed, He did for me exactly what His word promises. One of my favorite passages in the Bible that is a constant reminder to me that God will always do what He has promised to do according to His word is found in Romans 4:20-21: "Yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform." The Lord Jesus Christ granted me complete freedom from the very homosexuality that had kept me spiritually, mentally and physically crippled for thirty years.

Part 3: From The Journal of The Dark DaysEntry 1: Dated March 2, 1999

These are the words I wrote as I approached a place of near death. Infected with AIDS, battling the use of crystal meth and alone with no family, these words are the cries of a man who was dying and so very close to the fires of eternal hell.

"I am so sick. I am now closer to dying than ever. And I am pushing myself closer and closer to that point where I will no longer exist in this world. How does a forty year-old man learn those things that he should have learned as a child? I ask myself this day, can God teach me at this point in my life to learn what I should have learned as a child? Will He even answer me? I have sinned and sinned and sinned against God, against my fellow man, against myself. Why should God heal me from AIDS? Why should He do anything for me when I have refused to obey Him? I have been disloyal in every way to Him. I have been unfaithful to Him in every way. I don't know how to be faithful or loyal to Him. I don't know how. I never learned how. I ask Him to forgive me for all of these grievous sins and show me how to be obedient to Him. I need so many miracles. I have HIV. I am a compulsive homosexual. I am a compulsive drug addict. I am a criminal. I am a liar. I am dishonest. I am disloyal. I am a thief. I am lazy. There is nothing good in me. If there ever was a worse person, I don't know him. How does God do His will in a person like me? Oh, what a transforming miracle I need from Him. If He doesn't help me than I am doomed to die the failure that my parents created. I am all alone. O God be with me. I pray this day that He will appear to me and that He is with me and will work this out. Only God can help me now." Dated: March 2, 1999

In the spring of 1999 you didn't have to ask me if I was dying. I looked the part and most people who dared to gaze at my emaciated body just assumed I was suffering from some terminal illness. In reality, I had been spiritually dead for many years and now my physical appearance was merely catching up to the coffin that my spiritual existence had been buried in for decades.

By the spring of 1999, I had been suffering for nearly two years with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. In 1997, my obsession with homosexuality and crystal meth had led me to become infected with the same deadly disease that had already killed millions of men who had given themselves over to the gay lifestyle. Added to the physical tortures that came with AIDS was the burden of knowing that I had never been able to overcome my involvement with homosexuality, no matter how many times I had tried.

In my journal entry from March 2, 1999, I was crying out to God to deliver me from the sorrows that had harassed me physically and spiritually for so many years. I had never wanted to be plagued with homosexuality and yet, like so many others have stated in our society, the homosexuality had been a part of my personality since childhood. I had first begun to experience homosexual desires at six years of age. For years I had pleaded with God to set me free from a desire that the Bible clearly calls a sin. Not just any sin, but a sin that the book of Revelation says will keep the person out of heaven forever if they practice it and refuse to repent.

When I began keeping my first journal in 1999, I was a classic spiritual misfit because of the homosexuality which had controlled my way of life. Prior to 1999, there were periods of time when I would renounce the homosexuality and give my all to follow God and go to church. When the homosexuality would control me, then I would cease to go to church. I was never one to engage in hypocrisy. It was either all homosexuality or all church, but never the mixing of the two. My conscience would never allow me to be involved in overt sin at the same time that I was sitting in the church and praising the Lord.

Little did I know that God was truly and intently listening to my prayers during all of those difficult years when I would scream out in the midnight hours for His help. Sometimes my heart would feel as if it was being seared with an acidic wounding as I pled for His help because I would interpret God's delays as denials of my requests. Of course, this tortured assumption on my part was the result of fear, rather than faith, controlling my beliefs about God.

Oftentimes, God's timing is not our timing. Thus, we think that God is not listening to our pleas as we continue to suffer. Many men and women who have prayed to God for deliverance from homosexuality have not recognized this critical reality. There is a time for everything under the sun. Unfortunately, most men and women who are practicing homosexuality, and who also claim an experience with Jesus Christ, have not waited for the timing of God's miraculous intervention. Inturn, they give up on God and give themselves permanently over to live a life of complete sexual depravity.

In 1999, God was about to intervene in my own life and answer the thousands of prayers I had prayed to be set free. His intervention intensified during the time when I was starting to feel the real affects of the AIDS virus. That was His time for me to begin the real battle for my freedom from homosexuality. God's timing is different for each man and woman. The sooner we understand that, the better off we will be in our respective journeys to freedom.

God's plan for bringing me out of homosexuality was not the same plan that I had envisioned. I was too fatigued in my life to have wanted any more suffering than what I had already been through. My own personal strength was not a concern to God when He began to take me through my deliverance. In fact, God was about to drain every drop of my own strength out of my life, leaving me mentally, physically and emotionally bankrupt. God didn't want me leaning on my own strength. He wanted me to learn to depend solely on Him as my deliverer, my strength and my comforter.

Deeper wounds and heavier sorrows, these were the realities that I encountered along the path that God was taking me on as I struggled through the afflictions of AIDS, homosexuality and drug addiction. There was nothing in my life that I found enjoyable at that point. And that is just the way that God wanted it. I was literally experiencing my own funeral, a funeral where the pleasures that I had previously experienced in homosexuality and drug use, were no longer viable. Someone once said that we only change what we can no longer tolerate. I have found that statement to be mighty true in my own life.

The Bible describes in Revelation 2:10 the full spectrum of the process that God brought me through in delivering me and granting me a permanent victory over homosexuality: "Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life."

To know God is to know suffering. It is the way of Jesus. That is why He was willing to go to the cross and die for us. The reward that comes at the end of the suffering far surpasses the pains caused by that same suffering. That is what the writer in Revelation is describing when he talks about the crown of life one receives if they remain faithful in the midst of the trial of suffering and the imprisonment to sin.

God tells us in His word that if we are to apprehend Him, then we must follow the same path that Christ took to the cross. The great difference between myself and those who are still in bondage to homosexuality is their attitude towards suffering in this life. The man who refuses to pick up his cross, or refuses to deny his flesh, will never be able to give up homosexuality. Homosexuality is completely selfish and self-serving. A person who is not willing to die to self, so that God can mold that person into a new creation, will never draw close enough to the Lord to be purified and changed into His image. Instead of being transformed into the image of Christ, that person will always remain a slave to sexual sins of the flesh.

I know that many people are looking to my life example of leaving the homosexual lifestyle as a sign of hope that men do overcome that sin. I know that I carry a tremendous responsibility in my assignment and I take that assignment very seriously. How I live my life in public is the same way that I live my life behind closed doors at home, one of obedience to the will of God. As I share my road to redemption with the readers of the Journal of James Hartline, I hope and pray that you will come to know the consuming satisfaction that I have come to know in living a life of complete abandonment to Jesus Christ, the eternal savior of all mankind.

This has been a published article from The Journal of James Hartline."Preparing For My Departure - But Running My Race Until I Leave!" Posted by James Hartline at 11:48

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About Me

Born in Bitburg, Germany,
Paul Melanson is a Catholic lay-philosopher and apologist whose work has appeared in many publications and websites including The Union Leader, The Wanderer, Seattle Catholic, Newsblaze, Helium, and Amazines. He has been interviewed by The National Catholic Register, the Southern Poverty Law Center and the television newsmagazine Chronicle.