Does anyone have any idea how to behave after you’ve been falsely accused of a crime by a loved one? I’m fairly confident no one here will tell me to turn the other cheek. An ex-beau is convinced I broke into his apartment and stole some of his belongings (he won’t even tell me what was taken) and I am so completely devastated and angry I have no idea how to respond to the allegations. I just cry. Is there anyone here who A.) gives a shit and B.) has any advice on how to proceed with my dignity intact? He has already tried to appeal to my “soul” which is really offensive to me.

Yeah, I do. I’m a certified specialist in criminal law, so my advise isn’t going to help you feel better, or smooth things over with anyone, but please take it seriously.
1. Find a good lawyer.
2. Don’t talk to the police; tell them you want your lawyer present.
3. Assuming you have already denied everything to everyone, stop talking to anyone. Just say, “It’s too painful. I won’t talk about it.”
Let us know if there is anything else we can do.

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“I am one of the few people I know who has argued in print that torture may be an ethical necessity in our war on terror.” Sam Harris October 17, 2005

Thanks so much. I had a feeling that was what I needed to do,but have never been involved in anything even remotely like this so thanks for the advice. I really appreciate your taking the time to answer. Be well….

Yeah, I do. I’m a certified specialist in criminal law, so my advise isn’t going to help you feel better, or smooth things over with anyone, but please take it seriously.
1. Find a good lawyer.
2. Don’t talk to the police; tell them you want your lawyer present.
3. Assuming you have already denied everything to everyone, stop talking to anyone. Just say, “It’s too painful. I won’t talk about it.”
Let us know if there is anything else we can do.

Since you’re offering a little casual advice here, constable ... if you’re so inclined, after you’ve denied everything (as appropriate) and secured the services of a lawyer, etc, can you then, if confronted, add some improvisations like “Fuck off you pathetic asshole.” or maybe “If you want my attention at least be man/woman enough to let me know ... so I can just tell you to kiss my ass, you sorry, tiny-schlong-compensating, simpering excuse for an adult, and we can dispense with all this tiresome, whiny, adolescent bullshit.”

Eh?

No?

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“We say, ‘Love your brother…’ We don’t say it really, but… Well we don’t literally say it. We don’t really, literally mean it. No, we don’t believe it either, but… But that message should be clear.”—David St. Hubbins

Since you’re offering a little casual advice here, constable ... if you’re so inclined, after you’ve denied everything (as appropriate) and secured the services of a lawyer, etc,

Actually, I wasn’t suggesting denying anything; it sounded like she already had. I’m suggesting not talking about it, but explaining that in a way that distinguishes a refusal to discuss it from some sort of admission that any part of the accusations are true.

With the respect to the police, that’s simply, “I wont say anything without my lawyer present.” The cops won’t even call your lawyer because if he or she is not a total idiot, you won’t say anything.

With respect to friends/family, I was suggesting “It’s too painful,” but, “that sleazeball piece of shit nauseates me so much, I can’t even talk about him. If you want me to puke on your shoes, keep talking about him” would work just as well.

The thing is, a lot of really bullshit cases come out of these domestic disputes, everything from fake child molest accusations to gain an advantage in custody disputes to fake domestic violence to, I now see, horseshit theft charges.

Lawyers are paranoid by profession, so you can think I’m over-reacting, and just follow my advice to humor me.

Good luck and keep us posted.

When everything blows over, I’m sure we can collectively think of a way to thank him for being such a fuckwit.

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“I am one of the few people I know who has argued in print that torture may be an ethical necessity in our war on terror.” Sam Harris October 17, 2005