President Christian McGuire called the 3,103rd meeting of the Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society to order at 8:13 p.m. Complete Contrarian Rob Cole confounded Christian by moving that we not adjourn. After everyone finished doing a doubletake, the motion was dis-ignored and passed with vigor.

There were no SPECIAL ORDERS OF BUSINESS. However, Christian inquired of Charles Lee Jackson, II whether there was any report about Don Fitch. The Emperor informed the club that Don was recovering from a heart problem in a hospital other than those where he had been expected and was OK. ADDENDUM: June Moffatt reported on February 13, 1997 that she had seen Don Fitch the previous weekend, and he was apparently hale and healthy. However, his hearing aid was not working properly, and he couldn't hear a thing.

MENACE: The scribe was called on to read the Menace of the previous meeting. The minutes were accepted as massively nit-picked on the motion of champion nit-picker Joe Zeff.

PATRON SAINT Mike Luwish was given three rousing cheers and Dean Martin (as in Jerry Luwish). Chairman of the Board Ed Green was called on to conduct the weekly money gouge. Annoyed at the low bids accepted for parking spaces in her absence last month, non-driver Robbie Cantor bid $30 each for the Alderson and Buchman spaces. However, she was willing to allow Mike Thorsen to low bid the Chalfin position and take it for a mere $29.96. Rising to the challenge, the gallant gentleman promptly overbid himself by his traditional $.09 and took it for $30.05. Charlie Jackson was delighted with the generous parking space bids, commenting that the money raised would more than pay for the copies of "The Crawling Eye" and "The Giant Leeches" that he had purchased for the club.

After musing about where the club was going to keep the giant leeches, Christian announced that there was no new BUSINESS. He then asked for a report from the Moronics committee. Mike Glyer informed the club that, due to the hyper-efficiency of the previous dimension, the committee had failed to compile their data, correlate their facts, or collate their BS and asked for a further extension of the process. Ed Green moved that the deadline be extended until the next alternate dimension provides the reports of its committee and that we ask them for proof before we submit ours. Christian offered the friendly amendment that we actually wait until there is an auction for this decision in the next dimension. Ed willingly and happily accepted the amendment. The amended motion passed many to one, who was ordered out of the room by Prez McGuire.

Registrar Selina Phanara introduced GUESTS Steve Chaney from Sierra Madre, who learned about LASFS online, and Jeffrey L. Koehn of Ontario, who knew of us from fandom.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: Rick Foss announced upcoming programs at the club: next week Charlie will host a film, and on February 13th Jeff Lauby of Lockheed Martin will speak on the X33 program. The following two weeks will feature screenings of the six parts of the British serial "Neverwhere", and on March 6th UCLA Law Professor Eugene Volokh, a former clerk for U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, will speak on Law in Cyberspace, both its current state and what we will need in the future for law in this area. Ah, yes, a lawyer's dream: Freedom of Speech vs. Invasion of Privacy, the Written Constitution vs. the Virtual Constitution, legal fees ad infinitum.

Mike Thorsen announced that the cleaning party scheduled for February 2nd has been displaced by a last minute rental of the clubhouse and the next cleaning party will occur on the first Sunday in March. Mike Stern announced that this is the last week to submit nominations for the "Millennium" awards. Matthew Tepper informed us that Gary Oldman has been cast as Dr. Zachary Smith in the upcoming theatrical film of "Lost in Space," beating out Tim Robbins and Kenneth Branagh. Rick Foss announced that there will be a lecture at Cal Tech on February 19th titled "Return to Mars Twenty Years After Viking."

Charles Jackson announced that LASFS member Bea Barrio (Buchman) will be starring in a production of the melodrama "Love Rides the Rails or Will the Mail Train Run Tonight?" in Altadena. Details are available on a flyer posted in the front building. Christian pitched the upcoming Gallifrey, which will take place at the Airtel Hotel in Van Nuys from February 14th through the 16th. He also informed us that bids for LOSCON 25 will be presented to the Board on February 13th, brief bid presentations will be made to the membership on February 20th, and the club will vote on bids on February 27th.

APPOINTIVE COMMITTEE REPORTS: Tim Merrigan notified us that the next "De Prof" deadline is February 20th, Christian tried yet again to sell some more chairs, and Mike Stern reported that the next Magic Tournament will occur in one week.

FAANISH COMMITTEE REPORTS: Joe Zeff subjected us to his weekly horror stories from work. Joanne Dow informed us that Roman Polansky will be directing a film production of Anne Rice's Interview With a Vampire as an opera. (Somehow the thought of a scene with a vampire singing an operatic solo while sucking blood stupefies this scribe.) Ed Green, on behalf of the Committee to Tell Us that Science Fiction is a Perishable Topic, reported that he is about to participate in a project in which two battalions of the California Army National Guard will defend a beachhead against an amphibious assault by marines at Camp Pendleton. Ed noted that of particular interest is the fact that the marines will be supported by a battalion of Russian Naval Infantry, the first naval amphibious combined operation between the U.S. and the former Soviet Union in history. Ed opined that he really would have preferred fighting against them, since then all you had to do was kill them, but now you have to work with them, which is very demanding. Len Moffatt asked if naval infantry marches on water, to which Christian replied "No, on their stomachs."

REVIEWS: Christian announced that for the first time in his life he finally got onto the Net and raved about www.amazon.com, a place to buy books. He was astounded at the depth of availability of such authors as Isaac Asimov, and said that if Bruce weren't selling books outside he would order books exclusively online. Selina reported favorably on a production of "Into the Woods", which she highly recommends for Sondheim fans. Tim Merrigan saw Franco Zefferelli's production of "Romeo and Juliet" this week and doesn't know what all the fuss was about. Mike Stern enjoyed reading Mercedes Lackey's book A Cast of Corbies. Don Wenner informed us of a song called "Voyage Around the World" done in 1960's instrumental style by a group called Saturn Five. Allan Rothstein shared that Albert Brooks' character in the current movie "Mother" is a science fiction novelist in California, noting that our own Larry Niven asleep is smarter than Albert Brooks' character. Quoth Larry, "Well, I got through Psychology class that way!"

MISCELLANEOUS: Don Wenner announced that the cat of Kim Friedman, a recent visitor to LASFS, has become road kill, and she is looking for a replacement. Contact Don if you can help. Mike Thorsen asked us to tread lightly and reverently on the carpet in front of the couches in the back of the room, since for the first time in years you could actually see some of the carpet through the dirt. Mike Glyer expressed great relief: he thought it was a crop circle. Christian quipped that it is a crop circle: we just reaped the crop!

Rob Cole moved that we table the meeting, the motion carried unanimously, and we all got out of here at 9:20 p.m.