Here's further proof, in case you needed it, that American basketball players in general and Ron Artest in particular don't have exclusive rights to The Crazy®: Wynne Arboleda of the Philippine Basketball Association recently made sports headlines you probably haven't read by attacking a courtside fan. Apparently, the fan -- Alain Katigbak -- "shouted profane words" at Arboleda after he committed his second flagrant foul during the PBA 2009-10 Philippine Cup. The second flagrant was turrible, but you can see a replay of the first flagrant foul at the 1:10 mark. It's definitely dirty enough to earn Arboleda a few profane words...and maybe even a short prison sentence. You know, unless the Philippines are a desolate, Mad Max-style wasteland. Although if that is the case: sweet!

Awesome, right? Even more awesome is the name of Arboleda's team: the Burger King Whoppers, formerly known as the Burger King Titans, the Air21 Express, and the FedEx Express. But awesomest of all is the fact that Arboleda was the team captain of the Whoppers and the son-in-law of the team owner. Not exactly the behavior you expect from a team leader, or anyone not infected with rabies for that matter. I'm sure Alain Katigbak didn't expect it. As hottie sideline reporter Patricia Hizon said, "no one ever really thinks that could happen to them." (Memo to the NBA: it's time to start importing sideline reporters from the Philippines. I understand that "all the ballaz around the world" love Cheryl Miller and everything, but I'd replace her with Hizon faster than Zach Randolph would skip an optional practice session.)

As a postscript to the incident, PBA Comissioner Sonny Barrios took a page out of David Stern's notebook and suspended Arboleda for the rest of the 2009-10 season without pay. It's the heaviest sanction in PBA history. Sound familiar, Pacers fans? Despite this harsh punishment, the PBA can't be too upset about Arboleda's freakout, considering the fact that it's been great for business: "Figures made available showed a 55.78 percent increase in sales during the Oct. 11 opener, which also hit a remarkable 108.45 percent increase in attendance compared to the same period of last year's Philippine Cup." Let's fight? Them's fightin' words!

Meanwhile, Arboleda issued a rather remorseless non-apology: "I take full responsibility and express regret over the unfortunate incident. My action was provoked by the incessant name-calling and cursing uttered by the said fan particularly to me each time I was within hearing distance. Even as I apologize to Alain Katigbak and his family, as well as the PBA fans, at the same time, I raise an appeal on behalf of other players to the PBA to recognize that provocations and invectives directed towards specific players unnecessarily test our limitations."

Translation: "I might have dispensed the contents of that can of Whup Ass, but the fan opened it."

Getting back to the Burger King Whoppers thing, I'm lovin' it. (Sorry for lifting your dandy slogan, McDonald's.) And the PBA is chock full of fun team names, like the Purefoods Tender Juicy Giants, the Rain or Shine Elasto Painters, and the Talk 'N Text Tropang Texters. Now those are some teams I could get behind.

I can only hope this imperialist expansion of American products into Filipino basketball naming conventions continues. Maybe someday residents of the Philippines will be able to watch thrilling matchups like the Vagisil All-Natural Douchebags versus the Tampax Panty Liners, or the Oscar Meyer All-Beef Foot Longs versus the Little Ceasar's Hot 'N Readys. It'll be like The Age of Aquarius: Part II.

More Bonus Fun: Here's a list of violent spectator incidents in sports. My personal favorite is the women's suffrage activist who was trampled to death by a horse. Who knew horses were so violently opposed to equal rights for women? I guess you could say they really put the "rage" in "suffrage." Sorry. I had to do it.

note that the player, danny ildefonso, used to be the highest-paid player in the league (at least that was the case when i was still following the league). He was offered a 25-year contract, in an attempt to bypass the salary cap.

I'm having trouble getting over the sheer awesomeness of those team names. The odds of having The Crazy have to increase exponentially when subjected to play for a team with a name like that, right?

In other basketball news...

1) Bill Simmons' new book is coming out next week. ESPN.com has an excerpt about the time he thought Zeke was going to whup his ass, but Gus Johnson saved the day.

2) Fake Twitter action!notmikedunleavy The Knicks say Eddy Curry can't join them until he's in shape. Why not just ask Yao to stop being so tall?notmikedunleavy Which comes first, Eddy comes back to the Knicks, or he eats a 40x40 at In-N-Out?

@zyth: patricia hizon isn't a tranny. she's a MILF, married to ex-PBA player and lucky bastard vince "the prince" hizon.

going back to the arboleda fiasco, his family was in the arena while mister katigbak was busy throwing insults at him. it's just sad that alain katigbak is a graduate of one of the best universities in the philippines, since his attitude doesn't reflect the values of his alma mater.

on the other hand, that game had deeper and more intriguing storylines than that. the whoppers were facing a guest team, the amateur national team of the philippines. there was an issue regarding one of the national team's players and the coach of burger king prior to the start of the season, and that is a different and more eventful story altogether.

Guys, as a first-generation Filipino-American, I must say that seeing my heritage represented here is all sorts of awesome. can the Grizzlies continue their pursuit of insane and sign Arboleda please as their eighth man, the same role that a Cheikh Samb or Jake Voskuhl would play? please?!?!?

BTW, seeing Wynne's attack on that fan suddenly makes me think of those creepy "The King" BK ads...only if The King was on roids or something. Which would mean that Mr. Arboleda is a fine candidate for the next Burger King promotional campaign, worldwide!

A defunct team name the "Toyota Super Corollas" is pretty bad also, but in general their league team names really make me laugh. I almost think they are better than say the Raptors or the Suns. I wonder if you can get Jerseys of players from the P B A

And you gotta admit, a transaction report that reads like this is just guffaw-worthy:

If the San Miguel Beermen was a powerhouse team last season, the team got more formidable and fierce with their new acquisition of players for the upcoming season. They acquired Arwind Santos from the Burger King in exchange for Marc Pingris, Ken Bono and a future draft pick.

I wonder how that exchange went..."Hi, I'd like an Arwind Santos combo meal with a medium Royal Tru-Orange and onion rings...and could you hold the pickles please?"

I like how they take those attendance stats out to the hundredths. Like they're physicists determining the precise atomic weight of germanium or something. "55.78% increase in sales! Plus or minus .03%" Nice!

Patricia Hizon IS hot. The problem with "Filipino standards" is that they deduct points for not being fair-skinned. If there is a place where the Halle Berrys and Beyonces of the world are viewed as less hot than they would be anywhere else, it's the Philippines.

BTW, I think Arboleda was part of the national team that competed in the Asian Basketball Championships. Or at least he was in the running to be. Some leadership quality right there.

I had to LOL at the sentence in the article: "You know, unless the Philippines are a desolate, Mad Max-style wasteland. Although if that is the case: sweet!"

Hahaha! Yeah - some parts of the PI are pretty rough, and Filipino cagers are often known for being chippy. My dad says every basketball game he either played in or attended back home in the PI resulted in at least one fistfight on the court, but players going after fans was unheard of because usually the player would be severely outnumbered by the fans' buddies and would likely just - *disappear* into the crowd.

patricia hizon used to be the sideline reporter for the pennsylvania valleydawgs in the minor USBL. right now, she's already being trained as a PBA color commentator. but yeah. i agree. she's NBA ready. ;)