Question of the Month

Ask J - June 2009

I have been asked to give some dating advice to women concerning men. In fact, my email has been flooded with questions from women asking about where the good men are. I was reluctant to answer because I didn't want to reveal our secret (men). But the questions kept coming. The ladies are searching for the truth and I didn't think that they really wanted to hear it. Well it's here for you all to read. I hope you enjoy. Remember ladies, you asked for it.

Lastly, since this topic has come up, I've decided to create a little e-book on "How to get the love you deserve". It will be coming your way soon, so be on the look out.

I thank you all for your questions. We get so many that it's hard to pick just one. I do, however, answer them all. So keep'em coming.

Question:"Why do we have a shortage of good men? Is it because there are so many men in jail, gay, bi-sexual, insecure, scared of commitment, lazy, or have they just given up on us women?" - Veronica F., Prince George's County, MD

Answer: - I see a lot of generalities here.... "they are this" or "they are that" which is simply not true for all of us. If you find that you are attracting these kind of men, the real question you should ask is why are you choosing that type of man.

My question to women is, "what exactly is a good man?" I am willing to bet that we can't get a consensus because it means something different to different people. I think that women give us too much credit in terms of being clever enough to determine what issues we have. We may ignore our shortcomings because we were raised that way.

We are biologically pre-destined to spread our seed. Some of us can get beyond our natural tendencies, but most just go with the flow and make decisions accordingly. Some of us were never taught how to deal with emotion so when that first heart break occurs our natural reaction to pain is to try and avoid it.

The biggest thing is that you are trying to understand men while thinking like a woman. Your thought structures are too complex for us simple-minded creatures. And, this simple- mindedness exists in all male species...Eat, Relax, and have sex. We are supposed to be the conquerors, the baby makers, and food gatherers. This system worked well in days past but we and society are no longer in sync.

Some women want sensitive men, but how sensitive? Do we shed a tear or let loose a good cry? The fear exists that we'll be seen as weak and you know it's true. The enemy that we had to conquer was usually right before us, now that enemy exists between our ears, yet no one has sat us down to explain this... And believe me when I say this and this may ruffle a few feathers but praying for a good man is not the answer. You will still get the man that you deserve based on who you are at the time. That's why it's important for you to "BE" what you are asking for.

All is not lost, some of us have figured it out. We know that the pursuit of women is empty and elusive at best. I've spent many years chasing skirts until I realized that I needed to spend time on getting my act together, decide what kind of person I wanted to share my life with, and become the type of person that I wanted for myself.

Lastly, we truly get exactly what we deserve. If you find that you tend hook up with a bunch of clowns then you need to shut down the circus, get out a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and ask why.

You see, asking that question will lead you to uncover your own pearl. You will then be ready to attract that "Good Man" you say is in high demand but rarely found. We are out here. We are looking for you too. We may not be tall, dark, and richly handsome but we will love you to the degree we find value in you loving us. It's a two-way street.

Oh, one other thing ladies --- Please stop asking us what are we doing or where is this relationship going. We don't know. We are more tactile than emotional. You have to be patient and let it flow. We often feel like we may not measure up to your wild, out of this world expectations. And, not to be crude --- if we have a full belly, a beautiful and sexy woman, and a penis that works when we want it to; life is good. I told you before, behind all of this babble and chest thumping, we are simple-minded creatures.