But songs like ‘Thunderbird’ all have one thing in common: the artists sound like they are throwing up when they sing. Seriously. They’re screaming so loud it Honest-to-God sounds like barf is cascading from their mouths.”

Not all heavy metal is inaudible screaming. Bands like Tool, Nine Inch Nails, Godsmack, and even Metallica are perfectly understandable. But I do hate that inaudible crap. It’s like “hey we have no talent and cant write songs! Let’s growl all our lyrics so no one can understand what crappy lyrics we wrote.

“Today I gritted my teeth so hard I nearly chipped one. Why? WHY? I’ll tell you why—fake words. You’ve all heard them. I don’t know if it pisses you off, like it does me, but you’ve heard them.”

I agree. I hate it when people say “Scientifical” too. But I find chillax to be a fun word.

“MTV. Ugh. I would rather watch Lifetime or Oxygen than that crap.”

I hear you. I can’t believe the people on TRL haven’t been assassinated yet.

“What in God’s name has happened to this country? We pay people to ruin our clothing? I mean, Christ, I’ve got a few pairs of ripped jeans. Could I sell those for $60? How is threadbare clothing more valuable? Not to mention it would just wear out in a few days, anyway.”

Once again, I agree. I don’t see the point of ripped pants. It’s like why bother wearing them at all. If I bought a ripped pair of pants I’d be extremely pissed. I’d go back to the store and demand the rest of my pants

“MySpace.”

MySpace really does suck. Although I am being a hypocrite because I have one. I only have it though because all the rest of our friends do. You’re seriously the only person I had out with that doesn’t have one.

“Why can’t women ever mow the lawn with their shirts off? Whenever I go outside in the summer and see large, hairy, shirtless lumps of men mowing the lawn, I need to take a shower.”

Shane, I’ve known you for 6 years now. And you ARE a large, hairy lump.

“School hallways need a carpool lane.”

I agree. Also, I want to stab the girls who stand in the middle of the hallway and talk about dumbass things.

“I hate emo kids.”

I’d like to point out most of your favorite bands (Fall Out Boy) are emo.

TheyCallMeBigPoppa chapter 10 . 2/11/2008

I totally agree with all you said about the fucking emos. Someone should dope slap them tell them that plaid is grunge not emo and take the joint out f their mouth because it's only making them more stupid. Enjoy life and don't try to deprive yourself of it. Do us all a favor Wyrdwolf and boot an emo.

yo, still the greatest thing ever written. Unfortunatly I already told you what i thought of this when i read it at your house sat, but...

It was the funniest shit Ive read in awhile! I cant beleive how you manage to think of these things. I decided to re read the whole rant and unfortunatly came across chapter 9...yes chapter 9, with the uncanny ability to make me remember the game, the game I had forgotten for a long time and now Im losing...

Then again, this means you are losing as well for I have reminded you of the dreadful game. I am so horrible! I am not pleased at this loss and am undoubtedly writing an uneccisary long review ::looks up at review:: ah yes, delectable, it is long! Thats beautimus, yes, my new word, besides backways, but we'll take that journey some other day, for now I must finish my quest of finishing this rambling that is known as a reveiw. I dont know, Ill call you sometime and finish my rambling, alas, I must leave...farewell!

Oh. My. God. That one with the 'sheath'... I think I might have to kill myself now. That's horrible/funny...

So true. And Comedy Central LOVES to show commercials for such pills as Enzyte. It really ticks me off.

Yeah, shopping carts and roaches (can YOU live through a nuclear attack?).

'Emos' doesn't have an 'e.' There's no 'emo' in 'team'... actually, there almost is. That sucks. Heh. Lumberjack emos would make me laugh. Out loud. ... how can a ghost cut its own throat? Or rape someone? I'm glad I wasn't there to hear that one... I might have to stop being a poet. Literally.

Hopefully, it goes somewhere a little happier than emos. Like the current state of the education system... had a conversation in Pyschology yesterday that went along the lines of, "Hooray for America! We lower the standards so that every passes! YAY!" And then we lynched someone. Kidding, but we should have. There is actually no way to fail the Government HSA (required to pass high school) anymore. If you can't pass the test, you get to retry. If you can't do it that time, you can do an alternate project. And if you can't manage to do THAT, there are, like, a billion alternate projects. Stupid No Child Left Behind.

Swordless, he could do naught but smack his opponent in the face with his vagina.

That has got to be the best weapon ever. Though there is this similar story i'll tell you about another time when we get a chance to talk. Seriously, I love that line, it's now part of my IM name in MSN, be proud. It's probably got to be one of the all-time best lines.

I don't see that many penis enchancement adds, what kinds of channels do you visit late at night m?

How could I ever resist reviewing to a chapter titled "drop it like it's hot"

Ah, I laughed a bit at the drop it like it's hot section, though I probably shouldn't have. Very cruel humor. The stuck to your hand bit really made me cackle.

On that toothpaste thing, have you noticed that actors in movies are starting to swallow toothpaste instead of rinsing it out? Is that common in America? For example, I saw Stranger Than Fiction with Will Ferrel (or however you spell his name) the other day and he just brushed, and I assume, swallowed. I thought that was extreemly weird considering the first time I swallowed toothpaste, I got stomachache. But I guess actors are paid. I'm not.

Poor mario. He should just get back under the sink and combat the fungi growing on the pipes. Did you ever see the movie? Or was that before your time?

And then, abruptly, your chapter finishes. You need to do more, damn it! I can't say that this is the best chapter here, but if every chapter was better than the last, I would have to make some serious inquiry into the possibility of super human powers.

DUDE! This has got to be the BEST CHAPTER EVER! I was laughing my ass off the entire time! Kirby curlinng! Genius! you better have chapter ten started. If not, do it, now! Dont forget! On a side note, me and you have to go golfing ASAP. I need to see what I can do with my new clubs. Later!

This is possibly the best chapter yet! I totally agree with everything that is written her and I also think that you are possibly the most honest person in the world. Perfect. I'm glad to know that I am not the only person that thinks that the U.S... no the world is slowly being flushed down the toilet of commercialism and politics. I also know of the game. I am the the one that informed Bob of the game. I would also like to take the chance to inform you that you and I are losing the Game right now.

... are you for real? Is that Bob's The Game? Explains a lot about the way he is, doesn't it?

Ha ha ... Mormons can't drink. That's funny.

By the way, amazing title for this chapter. It's so ... white. And that's why I laugh.

‘Drop It Like It’s Hot But It’s Stuck To Your Hand’

“Oh, oh shit! Oh shit! Get it off! Get it off! Oh, shit!” Oh. My. God. I think I just died a little bit. Good point and point taken.

Oh, Shane, do you swallow the toothpaste?

Socks? *is confused* What, because your feet are wet? I don't really wear socks after I get out the shower ... ever. I take a shower and go to bed. Why would I put on socks to go to bed?

"Mario Breakdancing" would make the world a much better place. I, for one, would play that game. I would play it a lot. And probably never talk to you because I'd be playing it so much ... I can just imagine it now. Mario (with his suspenders, tee hee) breakdancing to kill the little kids with shells that sometimes have wings and fly. I'd get to, like, level 46 and realize how incredibly pointless the game is. But it'd still be amazing.

"Of course, I don’t know, and that’s why I haven’t had a complete mental breakdown yet (but I’m just getting lucky; it’s only a matter of time)." True story, love. You're hanging around me too much. It's been scientifically proven that I cause people to have the opposite of good luck, which, surprisingly, isn't bad luck. It's the absence of luck. Doesn't that suck?

Yay carpool! AND a shoulder, for when people suddenly decide they need to have a conversation in the middle of the hallway between classes. You know, they stand in a circle and block EVERYONE from getting through. You know the people I mean ... *looks pointedly at them*

I enjoyed it. And I think I explained why pretty well ... *looks up at the rest of the review* Yeah, I think I'm good.