9 Esteemed Directors And The Action Stars They Should Work With Next

We can dream, can't we?

Yesterday, it was announced that Brian De Palma would return to film-making for a project starring... Jason Statham? Yes. Jason Statham. In a remake of Heat. Not the beloved Michael Mann film, but the Heat from 1987 that starred Burt Reynolds. Anyway you slice it, that's a weird pair for that project. But it's also kind of brilliant. It's time that the action stars had their day and the chance to work with celebrated directors.

Here's my take on exactly who should work together and why. If anything, it would lead to really pretty films about dudes getting punched.

Wes Anderson - Sylvester Stallone

This pairing seems like a partnership made in movie heaven. Wes Anderson is fond of crafting his stories around damaged men with enormous egos. Sylvester Stallone has proven himself adept at drama and comedy. I'd think Anderson and one of the Coppolas could create a memorable character for him. Here's what I'm thinking: Stallone stars as a painter who can't sell his work. However, due to a clerical error the world believes he died. His works become enormously successful but he can't enjoy the notoriety because no one believes he's still living. Luke Wilson and Jennifer Hudson co-star.

Quentin Tarantino - Jackie Chan

What Jackie Chan needs right now is a chance to shake up his image. A string of family friendly films have tarnished his box office shine and Hollywood is beginning to forget about him. Sound familiar? That's right. QT has the power to reignite Chan's fading star. He did it for John Travolta AND he loves kung fu. Kill Bill Vol. 3 ain't gonna cast itself. Just saying.

Steven Spielberg has jerked many a tear in his day with his emotional stories of bravery and redemption. But has he ever filmed a guy kicking ninjas while riding an elephant? I'll save you some research time. He hasn't. That's why he should work with Tony Jaa. It's not like Tom Hanks is going to learn Thai martial arts, let alone how to ride an elephant. War Elephant anybody?

Ridley Scott has worked with his share of action heroes: Harrison Ford, Nicolas Cage, Liam Neeson. But he hasn't worked with the best. While in most cases, it's a blessing that your path doesn't cross Chuck Norris (because the last thing you want to do is cross Chuck Norris), I think these two would make a remarkable team. Though it is pretty insulting that Norris wasn't considered for Gladiator. Maybe it might be for the best that these two don't meet.

Peter Jackson - Dolph Lundgren

I'd just really like to see Dolph Lundgren in a skintight mo-cap suit. It's for a, um, project I'm working on. It's of a personal nature.

But how great would it be if these two worked together? Perhaps on Halo?

Tim Burton - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I demand to see Arnold Schwarzenegger star in a Tim Burton film about a circus strongman who finds his strength draining as he falls in love with the traveling show's main attraction. Somebody please forward this pitch to Burton. Wait, I don't think he does email, so please forward this to Johnny Depp. He'll pass it on.

Christopher Nolan - Jean-Claude Van Damme

A problem with action stars is that audiences don't like to take them seriously as dramatists. But in the hands of the right director, all that could change. Jean-Claude Van Damme wowed critics and fans with his meta turn in JCVD, but hasn't had a chance since to prove that he can also be the Acting Muscles From Brussels. Honestly, don't hate guys. None of you have a good frame of reference for how a time-traveling cop should behave.

Christopher Nolan seems to be a fan of off-center casting choices. Tom Berenger in Inception, Matthew Modine in The Dark Knight Rises, and Rutger Hauer in Batman Begins are all examples of this. So why not Van Damme? Is it the Belgian thing? Because that's racist.

Who else misses the comic dream team of Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson? Surely the Coen Brothers can find a project to bring this modern Laurel & Hardy back together. It's time they took a stab at To Kill a Mockingbird. But set it someplace wacky like The Villages in Florida.

Martin Scorsese - "Rowdy" Roddy Piper

Time for Marty to get back in the ring. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper could star as a small time tough guy who collects protection money from small establishments. When robbers jump him and make off with the money, he's forced to track them down and show them he's not over the hill. Also, both love bag pipe music. Perfect match.