You. You are an asshole. In fact, you’re THAT asshole who says things like, ‘that’s wild’ after someone tells you they ran out of soy milk at the fucking coffee shop. WHAT THE FUCK IS WILD ABOUT THAT?! Nothing. There is nothing out-of-the ordinary about a lack of soymilk.

I’m not—

You are. You're that asshole who says, ‘that’s hilarious’ when a) it’s not and b) you’re not laughing.

We’ve been together for more than a year and you’re breaking up with me because of shit I say to fill up silence?