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No, People Having A Problem with “Race Play” Is Not Kink-Shaming

I’ll just start this off by being 100% clear that I absolutely support the right of anyone, of sound mind and maturity, to consent to whatever it is that they wanna do. “Race Play” is no exception to this. If you’re a white man whose dick gets hard via calling a Black man “nigger,” go for it. If you’re a Black man who gets off from having a white man call you all the slurs, have at! Part of my sex-positive politic is people having whatever kind of sex or play that fulfills them. For me, the more of a grasp you get on the essence of consent, the easier this all becomes.

Unlike most other commonly practiced forms of Kink, I don’t believe “race play” can be explored in a healthy way. If you’re not equipped to address the real, overarching issues around race and white supremacy, then how can you possibly sexualize it healthily? Also, in my experience, no one who has the range to fully confront ALL of the realities around race (white people included) can comfortably sexualize it. I’m yet to come across anyone who has made it past surface level, white-centered activism, but loves “race play.” It just hasn’t happened.

But my personal opinions aside, I think this topic is fairly simple. For me, it all goes back to consent. Again, if you consent to “race play,” by all means, enjoy it! But part of consent is considering that of your audience, beyond the people directly engaging. You have the right to engage in whatever play you want. However, I have a right to feel whatever way I see fit when exposed to that play. If you aren’t granted consent to engage in any form of race play in my presence (and, just so we’re clear, you never will be), then keep it out of my sight. Once you’ve exposed this for others to bare witness to, all bets are off. Gaining even an implied consent of all parties involved, even the audience, when publicly engaging in highly-sensitive play is common practice. “Race play” doesn’t get a special pass.

One other thing to consider (and this might be the most important), is that, unlike most other forms of Kink, “race play” carries real social implications that reach far beyond a bedroom or play space. “Race play” goes into real-world issues in a way that fetishes like fisting or wax play don’t. If I were a “vanilla” person who’s never been exposed to Kink, and I saw a wax play scene, I’d have any range of reactions because it’s something totally new. However, if I witness a white man calling a Black man a “nigger” as he’s having his having his boots licked, that’s a different ball game. I may not have any clue or context around folks playing with wax, but I’m a Black man who has seen racism.

Displays of white supremacy, even in a Kink/BDSM context, are still displays of white supremacy. This kind of imagery can be triggering as hell for any Black person/Person of Color, Kinky or vanilla.

This is why folks feel such a way about “race play.” Also, why it can’t simply be reduced to “Kink shaming.” I’m saying this as someone who’s been in the Leather lifestyle for several years, and am sensitive to the issue. It’s not the BDSM aspect that people have an issue with. It’s the social issues that the practice feeds into. I know Kink shaming, and this ain’t it.

Again, you have a right to practice “race play” to your heart’s content. However, I have a right to demand you keep that shit the hell away from me. I have a right to not wanna bare witness to white people dominating and dropping racial slurs on Black people/POC. I have a right to say that I don’t even want you approaching me with the idea. People, collectively, have a right to not be OK with the sexualization of centuries of genocide and institutionalized disenfranchisement.

You’ll just have to deal.

The Leather Negro has spoken (Credit to the creator of this image, Ceci Cloutier)

About Angry Black HoeMo

Comments

Is it still considered “Race Play” If you’re a Person of color who loves dominating wypipo as a part of your sexual roleplay? (note: there is no such thing as reverse racism, before someone tries me. that being said, it’s some amazing sexual self care when those involved consent)

Just feel the need to point out, a person does NOT have the right to demand someone stop a legal consenting activity that they do not approve of (as this opinion piece states), but they do have the right to walk away from it. Imagine is straight people had the right to stop gay people from expressing affecting in public. There would be gay bashings all the time.

That depends heavily on where the activity is happening…also, it’s extremely headass to equate “race play” with a Gay couple exhibiting forms of affection that the general public has already deemed acceptable from cishet people.

Your answer was rather vague so I don’t really understand your logic. So let me put it in very simple terms, if someone is at at a play party where people have agreed and consented to participate in public acts of sex/kink, they do NOT have the “right” to walk up to someone and say stop doing what you are doing because it offends them, but they do have to be right to walk away and not watch it. I don’t like to watch someone get beaten with a flogger till they cry, because that seems like domestic violence, but some people get off on that. So long as there is consent, I do not have the right to stop it. I think that is a common misconception in this day and age

First of all, my answer was “vague” because that was all your comment was worth (be grateful I even responded at all).

Secondly, if this is your understanding of consent, it needs a lot of work. Also, I’ve outlined clear differences between flogging and “race play”…your decision to ignore that in order to make your non-point is your prerogative, I guess. But the fact that you think being offended at a rough flogging can be equated to drawing on chattel slavery just reinforces the point of why I don’t generally feel compelled to engage you people for free.

What if the “race play” comes from the mind set that black men are superior and therefore better? What if it is race play in the form of shaming white men, while dominating white women, for the pleasure of all involved?

I am not a fan of what occurred at ILSb, but I see that, with the worshipped Mollena on the bottom, and no one has shown the slightest inclination to condemn hers, which has a fairly long history. I have no idea why, just a data point. Last I knew, she still considered anyone with an issue with it to be kink-shaming.

I don’t know Mollena, nor do I know of the scene you’re talking about. But if no one had an issue with it vs. the bullshit from ILSb, I can safely gather that’s for a reason…and you simply don’t have the range to decipher what that is.

I can also safely gather that your (non-)argument is a typical false equivalence narrative that fragile yt supremacists love to use to skate around accountability.

It’d be great if any colonizers (and the lost POC who worship them) were capable of presenting an argument that was remotely new or creative.

For once, you’re right…I’m not participating in a discussion, because rationalizations of white supremacy aren’t valid points of view that are worth dignifying with discussion. And get real, your goal isn’t a discussion; it’s to get me to make you feel comfortable and affirmed in your complicity with a white supremacist system. I don’t earnestly engage that shit for free.

If you’d like to waste my time with an actual dialog, here’s the way to do it. But if you’re not willing to do that, then your anti-Black POV will be undermined, undercut and/or ignored (just like your ilk has spent centuries doing to us).