Saturday, December 4, 2010

Reality Check

Our wedding

Six months after my husband and I were married, he narrowly missed having a heart attack. An angioplasty and 3 stents later, he was (more or less) good as new. It was a scare and a shock and afterwards I was all over his food intake and his exercise regime. And time passed. We went through our battle with infertility, he closed a business and opened a new one. I was pregnant with twins. We said goodbye to our little one-bedroom by the beach and hello to a larger home to accommodate our expanding family. Life moved on. Deaths, births, fights, apologies, sleepless nights, vacations, birthdays, tears, laughter, shared moments. Lots of love.

a vacation after the first surgery

On Wednesday last week, almost 5 years to the date of his first heart surgery, he experienced another episode. The symptoms were different this time; at first he thought it was overexertion at the gym, then indigestion. But, frankly, he looked and felt like shit and I rushed him to the hospital. All the way I held his hand; it was cold and clammy. I tried to just concentrate on driving but couldn't help thinking that something must be terribly wrong. Yet I couldn't believe something could happen to my 39-year old husband.

The next few hours are a bit of blur. EKGs, tears, phone calls, requests for information, frustration, confusion, questions, blood tests, wondering if the fact that he was pushed to the front of the line for an angiogram was a good thing or a bad sign. More waiting, more calls, more anxiety, a brief smile because Julie Kavner (ie: Marge Simpson) was TAWKing loudly into a cell phone next to me, bare bones information from a doctor and then the words, "your husband has had a heart attack".

I didn't hear much after that. He was alive. That was all I cared about. Half my brain was trying to calculate how I was going to get home to get the kids to sleep and settled down, and half my brain was trying to process what had happened and how we were going to handle what comes next.

The last 4 days have been hell. I am scared and exhausted and stretched too thin; my mind tends to skip ahead to what ifs. I also find it hard to ask for help and am just so overwhelmed that I don't even know what to ask for even though everyone I know has offered (and then I feel guilty because I'm not letting people help me). Mostly, the last few days have been so hard because my husband means the world to me and to our kids and the thought of losing him is just incomprehensible.

my love

So bear with me these next few weeks. I may post a few guest posts just so there is not complete silence here. I will hopefully keep writing on a regular basis while we go through this....I know I need to. Writing has always helped me process things.

For now, I just want to remind all of you reading this that even when your partner is doing everything "wrong" or is frustrating or doesn't "get it"...remember how fragile life is and how very easily it could all be taken away. Leave no words of love left unsaid and remember that you are incredibly lucky for all that you have been given.

My 30 year old husband had a heart attack one week after our 14 day old son had open heart surgery for a congenital heart defect. I had one tiny twin at home, one at the children's hospital and him in a hospital across town. No one can explain why it happened to such a healthy 30 year old but he had a stent put in and is fine today. My heart and prayers are with your family.

Hi Gina: Hard to type as I am balling right now. I am just so sad that you have to go through this. And also because you made me realize that I dont appreciate my husband as much as i should--you really hit home and i am going to tell him how much he means to me when he gets home--i get so wrapped up in "life" and being tired, and trying to be the perfect mother, worrying about how clean the house ISN'T and what others think about me--I forget to realize how blessed i am to have healthy and happy twins and a healthy (and hard-working) husband. I relate to you so much and your blog has helped me and guided me in more ways than you will know and i am so very sorry that you are going through this--I have faith that everything is gonna turn out great. All the best to you and your beautiful family! - Alexis

This is terrible and I'm so sorry for all of you but I'm happy to hear (via Twitter) that he's back from the hospital. My husband and I just had a conversation this weekend about weight, eating, health in the context of his father's recent heart attack and his own weight gain. It's a timely reminder to take care. All the best to you as your husband recovers.

Thank you all for such lovely, gracious and heartfelt notes (both here and by email). I am so touched. As Dana mentioned, I just brought my husband home from the hospital. Life begins anew & we shall see what is new & what remains the same. He is already talking about "slowing down" so I"m keeping fingers crossed. :-) Stay tuned....I am sure I will be blogging! xoGina

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Meet The Twin Coach

Hi, my name is Gina Osher. I'm a former holistic healer turned parenting coach and mother to 5-year old boy/girl twins. I do write about life with twins, but mostly I write about my efforts to find a deeper joy in parenting and a more connected understanding of children (no matter how many you have)!