The Evening Rush for Thursday, March 14, 2013

Keef with his daughter, Jasmine; Photo by Jessica Koscielniak//Sun-Times

Keef's Release
Just when rapper Chief Keef -- aka Keith Cozart -- was fading from our memory, he's back and unleashing a string of horribly ridiculous quotes. Released today from juvenile detention after serving a 60-day sentence, it didn't take long for Keef to forget all about that baptism of life anew and make a bunch of gang references on social media, posting on his Facebook page: "F--- a TOOKA gang!!! BITCH IM 3 Hunna." (Tooka apparently refers to the nickname of a murdered member of a gang rival.) Anyway, this still doesn't quite manage to top comments from Keef's grandma, Margaret Carter. Speaking to DNAinfo.com about Keef's release, Carter said, "I ain't worried. Keith is going to be good. His devil is all those girls. Oooh, those girls are the devil. Everybody needs to just leave him alone and give him a big box of rubbers." Yes, those horrible devils that forced Keef to point a gun at police and Instagram a photo of himself receiving oral sex to thousands of public followers. What horrible people forcing their wickedness upon poor Keith. [Sun-Times, DNA Info]

Jonylah
As police continue to get information from her wounded father, the funeral for Jonylah Watkins has been set for next Tuesday. [Sun-Times, Mary Mitchell]

Committee kick-starts weapons ban
The Senate Judiciary Committee cleared a new ban on assault weapons -- the first vote on the topic since it's repeal in 2004 and a vote that was split 10-8 straight down party lines. [NY Times]

Zombie hole
The World's Most Expensive Hole In The Ground™ is rearing its ugly head once more. [Crain's]

Thou Shalt NOT...
Another day, another religious authority figure grossly abusing his power. The former preacher of a Hammond megachurch told the teenage girl with whom he was having an affair that the affair was "exactly what Christ desires for us." [Sun-Times]

File under: Gross and Awful
A Gage Park mother is suing a local McDonald's, claiming that her toddler ate a used condom found in the play area, which only reinforces my belief that those play pits are the grossest places on Earth. [Sun-Times]

Hacked!
Reuters Deputy Social Media editor Matthew Keys has been indicted for allegedly helping Anonymous hack a Tribune Company server (and thereby allowed the group to alter an LA Times story on the paper's website) by leaking his credentials from an old job. [Politico]

Cook County: Grower, not shower
According to the most recent census numbers, Cook County grew but only by a paltry three-tenths-of-one-percent. [WBEZ, Sun-Times]

Beyond Second City
An interesting breakdown of SNL alums finds that the famed Second City now really is second in terms of feeding the sketch comedy show its stars. [Sun-Times]

Adieu
Google is sending its popular Google Reader web app to a nice, big farm run by a lovely old couple where it can run around and play all day with Google Wave and Friendster. [The Atlantic, Andy Ihnatko]

Hack, Part Deux
Rick Reilly puts as much effort into the Wrigley/City of Chicago tussle as every other column his Hackneyed Professional Sports Journalist computer program farts out (probably using DOS Shell). Deadspin's reaction to the column is a far better and more succinct reaction to everything. [ESPN, Deadspin]

And finally
Now that Twinkies have been salvaged, who should be the next spokesperson for the spongy, atomic bomb-resistant snack? Gawker suggests George W. Bush, which is a great idea except he has a new career as a budding dog painter. [Gawker, Dogs]

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