Crime Duo Steals $6,000 in Cigarettes; Sentenced to Death by Lung Cancer

The Broward Sheriff's Office is looking for a two-man band of thieves who purloined roughly $6,000 worth of cigarettes from Aunt Molly's convenience store in North Lauderdale last week.

Investigators say that the duo struck around noon on March 5. One thief distracted the clerk while the other went into an office and raided the store's cigarette stash, carrying boxes under a sweater, then in a trash bag. They left in a white minivan. Full release is here. Video of their heist, here.

As scholars of prime-time television crime dramas, let's craft a profile for this twosome.

Appreciation for tobacco suggests that these two are either extremely addicted to nicotine or that they appreciate cigarettes' value in a jailhouse setting.

My guess is that these two characters have been in jail before and that they fully expect to be there again. Assuming that's the case, they may as well make an investment in the kind of currency that rules the jail.

When these two men are identified and apprehended, prosecutors will be wanting to avoid a trial. So our culprits make this offer: We'll give you a plea if you'll let us bring our cigarettes inside.

However poor these two men may be in the free world, they could be the Bill Gates and Warren Buffett in jail, so long as they keep their loot.

I'm not saying it's a smart plan, necessarily. But for a recidivist criminal mind, it may seem perfectly logical -- genius, even.