3 Questions To Ask Before You Confront Him

Women who ask me for advice often want to know if they should ‘confront him.’ There’s only one answer to this question: NO!

You should never confront anyone, unless of course, you have no desire to be heard.

And sometimes, that’s the case. When you just want to vent and let him know how angry or upset you are, go ahead, fire away.

Just be prepared for the consequences, primarily, that you will damage your relationship, a little bit, or a lot, depending on how hurtful and ugly you get.

But if you really, truly want him to understand what’s going on with you, how his actions effected you, and what needs to happen to make it okay (especially so it doesn’t happen in the future), then you need to plan when, what, and how you communicate with him.

One thing that helps a lot is simply waiting. Waiting to calm down, or waiting for the right time. Waiting allows you to take a step back and look at the situation more clearly.

And waiting also allows you the maturity to ask yourself a few questions:

1) Why did you get upset?

This is a biggie and takes some real honesty. Why you got upset is all about you. Yes, he might have done something really bad. Like being disrespectful toward you or the promises you’ve made to each other.

But here’s the hard part, your reaction to what he did is completely, 100% your doing. Learning to be in charge of your reactions and responses is a huge part of what I teach to members of my Feminine Grace Online Workshop. When you’re in charge, you get to be in control of how you live your life. Otherwise, you’ve handing your power over to the other person. Not a good idea.

2) What could you have done to avoid this situation?

Sometimes there’s nothing you could have done. But maybe you could have communicated your wants and needs more clearly prior to the ‘incident.’ Maybe you have been avoiding being honest with yourself and what he did was going to happen eventually; like if you knew he was a player (or a cheater) and you lied to yourself about his true character.

Discovering what you could have done differently will help you make wiser choices and decisions in the future. Again, it’s back to you taking charge of your life and how much happiness and love you want.

3) How do you want your relationship to improve or change?

If you think confronting him will improve your relationship, trust me, it will not. It will only create or widen the schism that caused the upset. Most problem boil down to bad communication.

Sometimes that means you haven’t been communicating clearly, or maybe you haven’t ever talked about what you both want and what your relationship means to each of you.

When you’re upset and especially if you’re angry, you will not be able to have that kind of conversation. That takes a mutual desire to have the best relationship you possibly can.

I hope these questions offer a different perspective on what you can do when you’re thinking a confrontation is the best plan. And I hope you now see that confrontation is never a good idea, unless it’s time to do the big nasty break-up. But in my book, even a break-up can be done with Feminine Grace, so you end up appreciating the time you were together.