As he was wheeled into surgery after being shot in 1981, Ronald Reagan famously joked with the doctors, “Please tell me you’re all Republicans.” The head surgeon, a liberal Democrat, replied, “Today, we’re all Republicans.”

In that spirit, I would like to suggest that today, we’re all New England Patriots fans. I realize that might sound crazy. Most people outside New England have come to hate the Patriots. They were caught breaking a minor rule early in the season, and then to prove they were legitimate, went on to demolish opponents throughout the season, often running up the score with what ESPN columnist Bill Simmons called the “eff you touchdown.” And because we are now in a Boston sports Golden Era (multiple World Series and Super Bowl championships in the 2000s, and the recent resurgence of the Celtics) many people are just plain tired of hearing about another Boston championship.

I can’t blame people who feel this way. If, say, New York were in the midst of a sports Golden Era, I’m sure I would hate their teams much more than I already do. But what would Jesus do? Christ commanded us, “Be ye therefore perfect” (Matthew 5:48). Many of us recognize that this is a laudable but realistically impossible goal. However, having gone undefeated throughout the entire regular and post seasons so far, the Patriots are the first NFL team in decades on the verge of literally complying with Christ’s injunction. Because examples of perfection are so rare, we should applaud those that attain this status, recognizing their greatness, and seeking after it.

As fellow saints and followers of Christ, you are all invited to join me in supporting the Patriots on February 3, 2008, as they seek to provide us with a true model of perfection.

I used to talk baseball with another lawyer in the office. He was a die-hard Red Sox fan; and also, a real lover of the game itself.

One day I asked him, Corey, if the Yankees are playing, and it’s the seventh inning, and the pitcher is throwing a perfect game so far (or a no-hitter) — do you root for the Yankees at that point? That he completes the perfect game?

He said, yes. Even though it’s the Yankees, and even though he’d root against them any other time. Respect for the game trumps all. You have to cheer for a perfect game when it’s happening.

Even if they’re playing the Red Sox? Even if (especially if?) it’s in the playoffs?

No question about it, he replied. You root for the perfect game.

I can respect that answer. It’s the sign of someone who’s a real fan of the game as a whole, before being a fan of any particular team.

Go Giants, if only because we’d stop worshipping St. Bill (that will be an interesting HOF ceremony, given the fact that so many Ohioans despise Belichick for screwing up his Browns gig so masterfully — people will buy tickets just to boo him). I can’t believe I’m even going to support the Giants. It makes me sick.

The NFL’s emphasis on parity has been what has made it the preeminent professional sports league in this country, and the Patriots may be one of the best NFL teams ever assembled, but I don’t think they’ve been that interesting to watch or root for on their road for perfection. They’ve shown a surprising lack of sportsmanship, and I for one hope the Giants give them a hell of a contest.

Is it good for the game to have a team that regularly grinds their opponents’ faces in the fact of their loss be immortalized?

And why do they do it? Because they’re bitter about being caught breaking a rule? Does a team that talented really need to be so petty?

I think we can all agree Jesus probably cares less who wins the Superbowl, but he did say it doesn’t profit a man to gain the whole world if he loses his soul.

How far can we extend the analogy here? The Pats were not “perfect” in each game they played, witness the three interceptions thrown by Brady in the game against the Chargers. Yes, even the “perfect” Pats made mistakes – lots of them. Yet, at the end of the games, the Pats were victorious against every challenger. Interesting concept, perfection achieved by those who have made many mistakes.

But, I still can’t root for them. As ESPN columnist TMQ notes, they represent the embodiment of “evil!”

Ellsworth: Go with your heart. Interesting is overrated. Hell, it would be interesting if they had both Super Bowl teams play naked, but that says nothing about whether it is desirable.

Doc: Good point. And how tragic would it be if it didn’t?

Brian G: There seems to be a widely accepted notion among Patriots haters that scoring as many points as you can is unsportsmanlike. That sounds less like the Patriots’ losing their soul and more like the opposition’s sour grapes to me. The Pats weren’t bitter about being caught breaking a rule. They were bitter about everyone calling into question their ability, so they had to go out and prove that not only could they win, they could dominate.

Todd L: Beautiful extension of the analogy. A word of caution: Wo unto them who call evil good, and good evil. Don’t be deceived, friend.

Ohioans hated Bill when he cut an overrated and outdated Bernie Kosar. For a first year coach, he did fairly well, and look what he learned. Oh, and the owner was a schmuck and still is (see baltimore).

On topic,

Not only do I hope we see 19-0, I love how the Pats have done it all season and especially with the players they have. The organization is very commendable. I coached high school football for 2 years and we always wanted to figure out the other teams’ signals and they would try to figure ours out, so I don’t cast stones. I especially hope NY loses just despite their fans, or lack thereof.

This is the first time I’ve ever seen Randy Moss act respectably, which I attribute to fear of Bill.

The Ex-Ravens Owner Who Shall Not Be Named is partly to blame for the fiasco in Cleveland, but not entirely. As Belichick’s mentor says, you are what your record says you are. Maybe Kosar was getting over the hill, but St. Bill had no one to replace him with. He screwed up that situation long before Modellmort did.

As to the aforementioned Bill Simmons (in the original post), he’s been a lot less interesting since 2004. He always played the poor, cursed victim well. Since his teams turned into the Yankees, he doesn’t know what to feel.

Both I hate both Boston and New York. There are no winners on Feb 3.

I can probably think of 50 major cities in the Continental US where I’d rather spend a weekend than Boston or New York.

All’s I said is he did fairly well in Cleveland- I now add “under the circumstances”. Cleveland was screwed up before Bill took over. He just couldn’t fix it. And you’re right. You are what your record says you are (see New England).

I hope you’re not insinuating Bill Parcells was ‘Chick’s mentor.

I actually read Simmons more now that he doesn’t write about how bad his teams are any more. Now he writes more about things I relate to, like being confused and/or dumbfounded by play-by-play guys and pre-game shows with 5+ hosts.

If you want to see good football being played, ya better put the game on Feb. 3.

I don’t recall a lot of people calling the Patriots’ ability into question. I think even Patriot haters like me will concede they’re a talented team. It’s typical that early in any season for fans to ask if a team is for real. I just don’t buy it.

I have no doubt that if the scandal over signals hadn’t happened that the Pats would have still ran up the score on people.

queuno (11): I’ve felt that way about Maureen Dowd post-9/11. But give the Sports Guy another chance. I think you’ll find he’s still highly insightful and entertaining. Regarding the city thing, maybe you’re just a small-town kind of person. And that’s OK. Rural America has a lot to offer.

Brian G (14): People were piling on like crazy. But regardless, I still don’t see a problem with running up the score. I think taunting people is unsportsmanlike (see, e.g., Philip Rivers), but scoring as much as you can is part of the game.

My husband really like the Jazz too, but this season after every losing game, he says they are not even worth watching–it’s too disappointing. But he still watches…every game. I’m sure Bill will love going to the game. Here’s to hoping the Jazz actually win!

queuno:So is there still a place left in America who hate both Boston and New York?

Speaking as someone who lives and works in and around Boston, I can tell you with absolute certainly: No. There is no place left in America for those who hate both Boston and New York. But, thanks to NAFTA, there is cheap and easy travel to both Canada and Mexico. As attractive as both of those may sound, I encourage you to come to your senses, take a shower, get a job, and decide that you like Boston. It will spare you the pain of having to uproot your family and having to become a foreign national. Plus, think of all the prestige you’ll gain once others learn that you’ve embraced Boston sports teams.

Unfortunately, I feel the same about basketball. I have a sneaking suspicion that they have no fundamental principles upon which they make decisions about what does or does not constitute a fowl. And if player can fake a good collision, they are rewarded. I think football is a lot more cut-and-dry.

# 19,

I would add that you don’t have to hate or love teams to be a fan (I hate fans). You can just like the game and the way its played by somebody. Personally, I don’t hate NY or Boston, though I think their fan nations are absolutely silly. Case and point being the Giants fans this year being the worst home crowd (equivalent to an away crowd) for a now Superbowl-bound football team. There is a “too far”.

If you think that the our beloved Pats have been playing to prove something then you haven’t been hanging on every word our beloved Pats say pre-game and post-game like I have. Last week Bruschi was asked if they were playing to prove something and he (rocks!) said that if you’re playing out of spite or to prove a point then it shows a lack of experience. I’m paraphrasing, and I could have the player wrong, but hey, you get the jist.
Furthermore, I’ve noticed that our Pats always respect the abilities of their opponents, and up until recently that respect of ability (forget Spygames) has been absent in interviews with players of opposing teams. Rather than respond to smack, the Pats get on the field and play their guts out. I love that about them.
With Brady possibly injured, the Super Bowl may be their first loss, but I know I can count on our beloved Pats to go out there and give as much to the game as the Giants did in their last meeting with the Patriots. I think that’s class. I just wish I had the $ to see them play someday at Gillette and throw snowballs in celebration w/ the rest of Patriot nation. Go Pats!!!