Great visionaries are often unappreciated in their own lifetimes, and indeed, in their own households. I’m sure Anne Hathaway used to snort disparagingly when Shakespeare read some of his best bits out loud, and Mrs Beethoven probably muttered under her breath, “You’d have to be bloody deaf to think that racket’s any good. What dear? I was just wondering if you wanted sauerkraut with your dinner.”

Indeed, this is the case with my not-quite-burgeoning career as an urban music artist. It seems I’m alone in thinking I have any talents as a rapper. My husband and son are so convinced that I am not the next Fiddy Cent, that they’re afraid to say the word “rap” in case it sets me off. Presents are “encased” in our house.

I can see why they might have an issue. As a forty-something mum, living in the suburbs, I don’t fit the usual demographic. And to be honest, our neighbourhood is less gritty than mulchy, and I am more H&M than Eminem.

Still, I think a record should be kept of my unique street poetry style. So here, for your edification, is a short masterpiece known as the Apostrophe Rap. As I have not yet been blessed with a recording contract, please simulate the 8-Mile style performance environment for yourself. Put on a banging backing track, or get a friend to beatbox. Alternatively, get a small child to bang on a saucepan with a spatula. It will give the most authentic effect.

All together now:

Now listen up homies, I want you to agree

That there’s nothing more important than the old apostrophe.

It’s not hard to use and I’m gonna tell you once…

And if you do not get it, then you gotta be a dunce

Those pizza’s and those CD’s just really drive me nuts

So it’s time to learn the rules, and I’ll hear no ifs or buts.

An apostrophe is used to denote that there’s contraction,

If you’re leaving out a letter then that comma does its action.

So don’t, or won’t or can’t all need one, (though if you’re a bore,

you might just choose to leave them out like that George Bernard Shaw).