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Author: Kishan Thakar

Who is handsome Kejriwal’s favorite porn star and what Kejriwal has done with the money he has made from corruption? Kejriwal has answered each question with witty humor. PARODY ARTICLE READ AT OWN RISK CONTAINS LANGUAGE NOT SUITABLE FOR KIDS MAKE SURE PARENTS AREN’T AROUND

Our dog named humor is lost. Anybody could return to us would get great blessings from Tarak Mehta Ka Ooltah Chasma Fan. Why TMKOC’s old episodes were funny as a hell and new episodes are just social message driven after Narendra Modi became PM. Read More At Click Here

I believed movies are lame and boring. And movie writers just put their fantasy with the help of pen. Let’s take an example of movie “Liar Liar”. Where a liar lawyer got a curse as a birthday wish from his son..that he cannot speak lie. (which Bollywood copied with same storyline but had an indian version of Jim Carrey ‘Govinda’ movie name “Kyunki Mein Zuth nahi bolta.”)

I believed in that story because I can never speak lie. And Gandhiji ruled UK for 200 years and UK was called golden sparrow in past. See, by giving this example, I just want to point out that the existent of spieces HOMO SAPIENS are based upon lie. Everything humans ever achieved, won or lost everything is mere lie to fill 56 sized ego chest.

So…how could I believe after some stupid child’s stupid wish…Jim Carrey stopped speaking lie just because of stupid child(i used the word stupid fourth time..wait five time I forget to calculate ..).

About a week ago..while I was chatting with my bestfriend. I had revealed one of my dark side.

I just can’t bear stupid humans. I hate going out, talking with humans..I just wish that lost contact with all of my friends and police arrest me and take me to jail..where I can live with peace alone.

in movie ‘CHAT’ whatever Jim Carrey chatted while phone was charging got true. In one scene, when he was chatting with a girl and the girl said that..I already have a boyfriend and Jim Carrey replied with his imagination while phone was charging ..(don’t ask me..what he has typed, use your imagination)It became true..that was horrible that’s all I can say

But I forgot that..my phone is also in charging mode…nd the very next day..I had a fight with my friend Avinash (names are changed to respect their privacy, and ps: sorry guy named Avinash..who became the fifth lakh victim of a writer who blamed everything on unknown guys like Avinash so that other Abhas can stay safe) And..yes, I had a fight with Abhas..I meant Avinash..that he wanted to watch Raes..I wasn’t sure..I said yes, then no.. again yes..and after thinking of 30 minutes..I finally said no..he was so pissed of me.

At the same day..I had a fight with other friend..who wished to eat pizza with me..I said yes, then no..then again yes(these all incident happened unintentionally, and no animals are harmed during this incident)..the rest you know(even if you don’t know..who gives fuck)

These type of small incident continued meanwhile. Like I promised to visit Puna with Nirav(obviously 5,00,002nd Avinash). And suddenly I backed off. Because of me..he’ll had to cut distance of 16 hours alone..and..one more relation..I put on stake.(this wasn’t small)

But..at last today..I lost that best friend..again unintentionally. But that very moment..I realised I had sent her the message while her phone was charging..that means.. whatever I send..will become a reality..just like the movie ‘CHAT’.

Now, I know I’m fucked..I’ve lost my friends, best friend and I’m about to get into some serious trouble and have a picnic in jail(as of I’m writing this post)

please God..if you’re hearing this..put your cell in charging mode..and put me in Tihar Jail. I know..cut off of Tihar jail are too high..10 lakh criminals of India apply in CAT(Criminal Aptitude Test) and only 1000 out of 10,00,000 get the admission after gd(group drowry) and pi(police investigation)

I know..I’ve left many points unsaid..read comments..to get clear idea)

Do you ever believe in ghost exist? If your answer is yes, then can you share their images with me? Like soul ghosts are long lost. We all believe in their existence but have never seen them in real life.

The reason why I am asking right now this question is.. I can’t find any hair on my head. Like soul or ghost. Someone might have stolen them. Fucking barbers. One can only expect barbaric uncouth work from a barber. I swear to cut all my relations with the barber. Like he cut my hair without any soul or heart. You can look at my handsome face.

I can’t blame this poor creature. I had asked myself many excused why had I trim my head.

Chief Minster Miss Jailalitha died in her office

Because I had an ‘MANNAT’ that, if I suck in CAT exam, I would give all my hair to any bald God. [but the real issue is, I tried to read much literature. But any literature until 21st century ‘KISHAN-O-PIDEA’ didn’t mention any bald god. That god named Kishan Thakar must be almighty.]

I had an afternoon dream about..I am sleeping in a gutter. I am covered all over with mud. I am stinking with a stigma of satire. The evil inside of me is screaming about stop global warming and live life as a green. And again I realized, this was just a dream. I woke, took a sip of 2 days old bad tea. And sleep again.

The last reason, I gave to myself was brutally honest. All I wanted in my life was to stop judging the guy, I try to pretend around the world. Hey, Guy, clear your thoughts. Believe in monotony. Just prepare for the worst.

I didn’t understand, why am I judging myself. When I know that the face, I have been displaying to the world isn’t me. Only easy way to get back to the real me is the pain. And hatred of old self.

In the city of celestial, there is one ruler named Lord Krishna, his eyes wags all around because he is a protector of the whole universe. ‘What’s the news of India?’ Lord Krishna said while sprawling in his seat. ‘The story of modern India. Poor people forget meaning of word justice because only word they heard is rich people are THE LAW‘ Narad said with exhales.’ Don’t worry, Narad. It’s time to make the sequel, this time I am going to earth without my super powers because of CCTV cameras you know. ‘Lord Krishna said. ‘Good luck, Lord.’ Narad wished Lord Krishna.

Krishna born in a poor farmer family, in Vanthali, Junagadh. The beautiful hometown of lion and Kesar Mangoes. Unfortunately their crop had failed due to abundance of rain. That’s why Krishna’s parents had huge amount of debt to pay to banks because of fake fertilizers provided by government missionary’s low quality but high rate fertilizer.

‘We can’t raise Krishna, we can’t give him the life he deserves .We have to give him to my friend Mr. Nandlal’. Vasudeva grunted loudly. Devaki was weeping in kitchen .She was hopeless.

In the Dark night with heavy rainfall, Nandlal was travelling to Ramgadh with little Krishna in the basket. He took boat to cross Ozat river, the flock of eagle came to protect Krishna from rain. That’s how Vasudeva reached Ramgadh .

‘Take care of my son.’ Vasudev pleaded to Nandlal. ‘Don’t worry about Krishna, I will take care of him as my son.’ Nandlal said, and Vasudeva took a last glance of Krishna, face glow like the God and most innocent smile in the world. Vasudeva took his steps back with heavy heart.

When first ray of sun arrives at temple, the day of Ramgadh starts. Then cattle go for graze in jungle, women of Ramgadh come near bank of Ozat to wash clothes and fill water in pot. Farmers go to plow their farms, and obviously little Krishna plays with his gopis in his garden.

As he turned six, their parents admit him to primary school in village , “The Ramgadh School Of education”

‘2+3=5… so students what is the answer of 3+2 ?’Shakti sir asked question to class.

‘Where is your attention Krishna ‘ Shakti sir said out loudly as Krishna was watching outside beauty of nature, squirrel climbing on tree. He didn’t noticed his sir was calling him. ‘Where is your attention, Krishna? Krishnaaa’ Shakti sir screamed with anger. ‘yes sir.. ‘ Krishna said calmly. ‘Then tell me the answer of my question’ Shakti sir said. ‘Sir it’s five, it’s a simple question.’ Krishna said with confidence. Shakti sir stunned by hearing sudden answer as he was not expecting to hear. He saw a different sparkle in his eyes that he had never seen before.’O…kay okay, sit down’ Shakti sir stammered.

Krishna was intelligent student but he didn’t give much attention in his class, after school he went out in the jungle to play with friends and cattle. He swims in Ozat river, climbs on trees to eat fruits. He knows every single tree in the Jungle. In the free time, he just climb on tree, seat on the branch and play flute with his magical lips. He is not afraid of any animals or insects, vice-versa animals are his best friend, he likes to watch lions for hours and hours while sitting on banyan trees.

He is also good with musical instruments in his school, he knows how to play almost all instruments. He also loves to act in play. He played Romeo in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ play and he also played Krishna in ‘Krishna-Radha’ play. You know who was his Radha, any guesses, ya it’s Radha. Anyways Krishna was the most popular student in his school, he was all-rounder and captain of cricket team. All girls in school liked him. Like his past birth, Radha is two year senior of Krishna, the cutest girl with dimple in her both chicks. They were best friends in school .

‘What is your result Krishna?’ Sudama asked curiously. ‘I got 82 percentage and 92 percentile.’ Krishna said. ‘I got 90 percentage and 99 percentile. ‘Sudama replied without Krishna’s question. Like our all friends do if they get better marks than us. ‘Have you decided in which stream do you want to pursue further?’Sudama asked. ‘I don’t know but my parents wants me to choose science, so it’s okay.’ Krishna replied. ‘Let’s go to Pioneer school in Vanthali, I have heard its best in science.’ Sudama said. ‘ya we don’t have an option here in Ramgadh.’ Disappoint was dreaded from Krishna’s voice.

Students of village have to transfer to town for higher education, because they don’t have higher education facilities in village. ‘Eat well, don’t be too skinny, I have packed all your things properly, don’t misplace anything. Thepla, pickle, gathiya is in front cabinet. Don’t share them anyone. Not even dogs, Krishna. Try to be more responsible. Your elder brother Balram and your best friend Sudama is there for your help, don’t go outside of hostel in night.’ Yashoda mother spoke it in one breathe. ‘Mom, don’t worry.’ Krishna interrupted her Mom and hugged her. ‘Enjoy yourself in Vanthali, son.’ Nandlal sreplied with a short answer and a little hug just like a cool dad. ‘Don’t forget to call me every day with your CDMA sim-card.’ Yashoda was weeping badly, Krishna cleaned her tears.

Life in hostel, I don’t need to mention anything, ‘night is a day and day is a night’, proper prototype for hostel life. Facebook, cards, Whatsapp, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, crush-talks are the best time-passes. Coffee shop, tea shop, restaurants, gardens are best hangouts. Krishna is also a human, his relation with Radha reached special bond here. Although he doesn’t understand Calculus, Pythagoras, Newton, Kepler and so on. Why scientists ever born in the world!!! Now he realizes why students are constantly prayed to him during exams. He also wrote an email to his ancestor Vishnu God for help. That’s how he completes 11-12 science and came back to his village, here he got relief to take breathe.

He joined engineering as most people do after science, right. His Eighteenth birthday, a period of adolescence was over. Now his father realizes that he is mature enough to know the truth so he told the truth in detail. Krishna met his real parents and took oath to give justice to them.

Krishna sued government beckoned fertilizer companies and insurance companies in court. Judge stunned by hearing Krishna’s argument. As the result of his arguments judge passed full claim amount for all the victim farmers. Many publication houses decided to publish ‘Bhagvadgita part-2’ from his arguments. He didn’t stop here, he started an agriculture research company and convinced aspired students and scientist to work in the company. That’s how he took revenge to fertilizer companies.

As we all know Krishna had 16016 wives in past birth, I know readers are eager to know about his love life in this birth. But this time story goes different way, Krishna told Radha, ‘Radha remember how we first met

Radha, you were seating in the void with her eyes drowned in the words of salamander.

Your innocent oval face, oiled bunned hair, perfect voice and fiery eyes and book in her right hand

was she goddess Sarswati

was I alone to notice it

no, I better reach before my competition make any move

I stood over her face blocking my competition’s view

She looked up flickering in her eyes

was it lack of sun rays or my opponent sun had lost his battle

she looked up in my eyes thinking about stupid bloke standing between god of love Kaamdev and her soulmate book

I quickly realized her sense of insecurity and was ready to fall back

but I read the name of her soulmate.’

‘that’s Krishna’ Radha said in shy tone.

And Krishna asked permission of her parents to marriage, their parents also agreed about marriage. And most awaited marriage of Krishna and Radha happened. All is well when End is well.

Again featured image courtesy, Nisang Vora. This is the first and one of the few short story I’ve ever written. Thank you so much for reading it until end.

In the stormy dreadful night, the Baby had born in the jail. Baby was travelling towards Mathura with his dad. A huge river Yamuna stopped that baby’s way but the baby split Yamuna in two parts with his magical power and took 5 headed snake for his roof to stay protected from the stormy rain. I don’t think that baby needs any introduction. Eighth avatar of Vishnu God Mr. Krishna Vasudev Yadav, he took a birth to `free earth from evil, he was friend of humanity and enemy of devil. He is also a preacher of most selling book in India ‘ The Bhagvadgita‘, but unfortunately no one reads it. From my sources he is writing sequel of his book so we need to stay tune with his new activities on www.kanudo.natkhat.in

What can I say about his greatness, once Krishna had a conflict with God Varuna so god Varuna started heavy rain in Vrindavan .But as we know Mr. Krishna Vasudev Yadav the naughtiest boy in the world. He pulled up Mr. Govardhana mountain on his pinky and started playing flute by other hand. All Gopis started doing Garba when he plays with his flute. He flirts with every Gopi, but in his heart there is special place for only one and only Radha, who is older than him still they are the perfect couple in the world. They don’t need to go to perfect couple competitions. On his birthday, obviously ‘Janmastami’. On the holy day of janmashtami we make pyramids to break Matukis. Then what we eat, lots of butter with Bhakri, please don’t ask about next day, digesting that amount of butter in today’s biological cycle God bless us.

sharing butter with friends and monkey is his cool way

Enemies’ fear for his Sudarshana Chakra’s slay

It completes a short story of his life in a day.

But at last Krishna doesn’t let any evil stand in the world and kill his uncle Kansh the king of evil and took his revenge. As you read earlier Lord Krishna protected from rain by five Headed Snake so god Krishna is the first person who actually used Umbrella !!! Seriouslly !!! That’s right. Limca Book of world record will definitely note this achievement. The naughtiest and unstoppable personality, no one can stop him rather than his Mother Yasoda’s Palav.

“Bolo shree krishna Kanaiya lal ki Jay”

This article was written in last Janmashtami. And the featured image you can see is hard work of my friend Nisang Vora.

Tomorrow at 12 o’ clock one story on Janmashtami is launching so stay tune.

Women are now strongest in India. Look how Shakshi Malik won bronze medal and PV Sindhu went in Finals. India is in the golden Olympic era of women are seating in throne of it. A jam in the name of PV Sindhu. I think, now time has come bros. We need to pack up our businesses and start cheering for our sisters, daughters and mothers.

bible for bros which even father can’t break because he has bro father), brocabulary(a vocab for bros), brorak obama(that’s dull, but still bro), bro-zone layer (a curse that every bro is afraid of), broda(when bro is having fun with more bros), brosme(when bro is having swag), bro-tard(an unwanted bro, who keeps running after you) after all this, we don’t have privilege to have a day like BRO-BANDHAN. We need day like this that we can share our brove(bro love). the day where every bros ties a RAKHI for protection of all his bros from *****. this post is dedicated to all my bros