Top 10 Best George Costanza Quotes

#10

Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That's all I'm askin'. This woman thinks I'm very funny and now you're gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I'm gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny.

--GEORGE COSTANZA, Seinfeld

#9

So I tell her, 'I think I should leave now'. And she looks at me surprised as if she couldn't understand what had just happened and why I was leaving... The only excuse that I could fathom would be acceptable is to tell her that I am indeed Batman, and I'm sorry I just saw that Bat signal out the window.

--GEORGE COSTANZA, Seinfeld

#8

I love the mirror in that bathroom. I don't know what in the hell it is, I look terrific in that mirror. I don't know if its the tile or the lighting ... I feel like Robert Wagner in there.

--GEORGE COSTANZA, Seinfeld

#7

I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.

--GEORGE COSTANZA, Seinfeld

#6

GEORGE COSTANZA: I'm 33 years old; I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty, I'm already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately, to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a normal ... medium orgasm.

JERRY SEINFELD: I never had a really good pickle.

#5

I have no funny friends. I'm the funny one. El-Clowno!

--GEORGE COSTANZA, Seinfeld

#4

I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think "That's why I'm not a heterosexual."

--GEORGE COSTANZA, Seinfeld

#3

You don't understand. A garage ... I can't even pull in there. It's like going to a prostitute. Why should I pay, when if I apply myself, maybe I could get it for free?

--GEORGE COSTANZA, Seinfeld

#2

Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?