The crowd sent up a great cheer when Kernul Killbuck boldly announced the United Fronts of Apokiliptika were joining together to launch a communist space venture for the good of all peoples. When the great day arrived in Terminal City, he kissed the cheeks of the brave cosmonauts and awarded them the coveted Oven Mitt of Valour as they boarded their rocket and prepared to launch on a mission so secret, even they knew nothing of their noble destiny.

That was 11 years ago, and now we sit in our delapidated, stinking husk of outdated space debris, begging for supplies even though our funding was cut after the first month of the mission.

"Please Kernul, we beg you-- Send more Tang and Space Food Sticks. Also, please tell us why we have been doing oven mitt research for over a decade and how it can possible be for the good of the people."

Science Officer Jellyfish wrote:The crowd sent up a great cheer when Kernul Killbuck boldly announced the United Fronts of Apokiliptika were joining together to launch a communist space venture for the good of all peoples. When the great day arrived in Terminal City, he kissed the cheeks of the brave cosmonauts and awarded them the coveted Oven Mitt of Valour as they boarded their rocket and prepared to launch on a mission so secret, even they knew nothing of their noble destiny.

That was 11 years ago, and now we sit in our delapidated, stinking husk of outdated space debris, begging for supplies even though our funding was cut after the first month of the mission.

"Please Kernul, we beg you-- Send more Tang and Space Food Sticks. Also, please tell us why we have been doing oven mitt research for over a decade and how it can possible be for the good of the people."

Signed,

Science Officer JellyfishDoomed and Forgotten ... IN SPACE!!!

*beep*

Thank you for contacting Automated Order System of Apokiliptika Astronautic and Aeronautic Administration (and Allied Associations).

We have received request and is being placed in queue for immediate attention one of Automated administrative Associates. Please to be advised all requests will to be processed in order they were received.

Club Verboten @ Peoples Tent # 8 warmly welcomes LabVerks into the Pantheon of progressive and revolutionary camps.May it hearten you to know our scientists and magicians are working feverishly to present a solution to your current difficulties.If we fail fear not,be brave,for you are serving,until the last of your provisions runs out anyway, The People.

All Glory to LabVerks and Its Toilers-Omar Suarez President a'Vie

Well it's not something I want to do on an overseas phone.............................Omar Suarez

Floating around the inside of the tiny capsule, holding a worn but pointed titanium shard, onto the side of the DoomStar Science module Science Officer Jellyfish wrote:UnjonHarley: Smoke my communist party member ...IN SPACE!

HEY!!!

Of all the nerve... There's a line here!!!

UJH has to get in the back of the line to do that... on the other side of the airlock... IN SPACE!

Let me try this again as we seem to have violated protocol of this sacred thread slightly.

Club Verboten @ Peoples Tent # 8 warmly welcomes LabVerks into the Pantheon of progressive and revolutionary camps.May it hearten you to know our scientists and magicians are working feverishly to present a solution to your current difficulties.If we fail fear not,be brave,for you are serving,until the last of your provisions runs out anyway, The People.....IN SPACE!

All Glory to LabVerks and Its Toilers...... IN SPACE!-Omar Suarez President a'Vie

Well it's not something I want to do on an overseas phone.............................Omar Suarez

Party members may listen and keep for their pleasure and re-education. To do so, right click on the link above and select "save link as" or "save target as". Not intended for running capitalist pig-dogs.

So lonely I am for to see you again. I must write qvuickly for I do not know who among my cosmonaut brothers are spies. Ve have received anozer shipment of oven mitts for our research, and ze zero gravity tests on zem are going vell. I can only hope zat ze Kernul Killbuck in his great visdom knows vye ve do such things for many months now.

How is little igor? I hope his unibrow is growing out. Speaking of vich, you need not vorry about ze female on board. She is space hag and ze ozzers are beginning to fight over her. It make me laugh. I miss your sturdy frame and summers in ze tall grass vith beer and sausages and you, my love.

I hope zat you receive zis message. Even zough I wrote it on ze back of ze Tang label, I hid it vell inside ze supply ship and pray zat my friends on ze ground vill take pitty on me and deliver to you and not try to mount you.

19JUNE 0400HRS
can see the dim stoplights of Jobloslovosk...Or perhaps it is a reflection of the all-red condition panel in the frostcovered porthole glass. Today I attempted to spacewalk long enough to clear away the cloud of Tang packets and uneaten Space Food Sticks that follow us in our decaying orbit- Found the long-missing 8 track of "Space Oddity", which I played until the cabin lights dimmed and the oxygen scrubber began to labor. Comrade Scientist Cosmonaut Jellyfishovitch continues to top my high Pac-Man scores, damn him!
END TRANSMISSION

>>>Speaking of vich, you need not vorry about ze female on board. She is space hag and ze ozzers are beginning to fight over her.<<<

So nowv am I of space hag! Splieter fook you! jelly! I vaz gud only for of youz to way haf vith me, promises love for of minez heart.SPLIETER FOOK Youve Bistered!!!Minz dor of cabinz closed to you ...Forzeverrr!
......in space!

Today's Interesting yet Worthless Fact: the space shuttle and international space station have to periodically change thier orbital paths to avoid junk, even paint specks travelling at thousands of miles an hour will penetrate a satellite hull. the majority of objects are cataloged and tracked by nasa and norad..

spectabillis wrote:Today's Interesting yet Worthless Fact: the space shuttle and international space station have to periodically change thier orbital paths to avoid junk, even paint specks travelling at thousands of miles an hour will penetrate a satellite hull. the majority of objects are cataloged and tracked by nasa and norad..

.. including a dropped wrench from an iss construction mission.

OMFG! What a great drinking game we could make of that!

"Captain, Space Junk at four o'clock!, should we change course?"

"No, just drink this vodka and Tang and let it pass right through you."

Thanks for yet another inspiration, Spec. First the Labwerks name and now this!

SIDESHOW: Carnival of Smoke and Mirrors 2015 is looking for drop-in performers!! Do you have a freaky talent, skill or characteristic? Do you lay on a bed of nails, or swallow swords? PM me if interested.

SIDESHOW: Carnival of Smoke and Mirrors 2015 is looking for drop-in performers!! Do you have a freaky talent, skill or characteristic? Do you lay on a bed of nails, or swallow swords? PM me if interested.

theCryptofishist wrote:Somebody please write a novel from that wrench's point of view.

plot outline:

- mr. nasa phd has a secret affinity for tooling despite a blazingly successful career in spacecraft mechanics, decides to design a specialized wrench using the latest in composit materials with a self-adjusting mechanism that he files a patent for.

- after thousands in tax-payer dollars are spent through the standard procurement program a defense contractor is signed up, design studio held, contracts signed.

- another few thousands later in cost-overruns a prototype is made and run through testing proceedures. one of the crack-addled QA personnell decides to play a prank and uses the wrench to dismantle his boss's new mercedes and reassemble it inside of his office. yes, the wrench is metric.

- the boss comes to work in a fury and fires the QA tester. a week later after his wife leaves him he goes on a rampage and uses his key access card to enter his old facility and bashes in the skull of his former boss, leaving him a helpless parapalegic. the boss's debutante wife has to care for two kids by getting a job peddling mary-kay cosmetics. the tester is sentenced to sixty years in leavenworth penetentiary.

- the wrench passes final testing and is delivered. a training program on the use of the wrench is held for the two astronaut engineers who have difficulty using it because the phd designer is left-handed and the engineers are right handed. fortunately it only takes a few thousands more in change management proceedures to reverse the design, but it takes longer delivery because the contractor is short one QA person.

- during test assembly of the solar panel truss in nasa's deep pool facility it is found out that the wrench doesnt like water, validation tests confirm that its use in the vacuum of space is still go. now two additional wrenches need procurement because the chlorine in the testing pool has disolved its outer protective coating.

- two months before package delivery to the shuttle shipping and preparation group, the wrench is mis-handled and ends up being shipped to goldstein space communications facility as part of a antenna transciever shipment. the shuttle launch is postponed until recovery of the wrench because its a major cost item. nasa administration is embarassed and under pressure from congress for high shuttle mission costs, they provide a false story that the weather is bad and have to delay the mission until the next orbital window.

- the wrench is delivered, before final packaging inside the shuttle compartment a maintenance person finds out the wrench is perfect for removing beer-bottle caps, faulty ceramic tiles, the lug nuts on his ford pickup truck, and makes a really cool paperweight. he steals one wrench and replaces it with one he picked up on sale at harbor freight but only after grinding off the "made in china" emblem.

- after escaping the gravity well the wrench achieved what most wholesome american children dream of, space. the wrench is unpacked while the crew marvel at its design.

- the wrench is used in the construction of the solar panel truss, but nothing else, it was specifically designed for only one task. the engineer astronauts get frustrated using it for adjustments because it keeps stripping bolts on things its not designed for. the space engineers find out that using the cheap "made in china" wrench works perfectly, and jokingly take batting practice with the stripped nuts and bolts swinging the phd designed wrench. one engineer swings too hard trying to use his left hand which the wrench is no longer designed for and looses grip, the wrench flys off into space.

- nasa and norad are told the wrench "just sorta drifted off" and while a dozen orbital path analysists back at ames research facility are put into an emergency planning committee to predict its trajectory,. before they can meet nasa is slow in changing the international space stations orbit and approximately four hours and eight oribits around our planet the wrench flys through one of the new solar panels disrupting electrical power supply to the station. fortunately the engineers have enough time to schedule another spacewalk construction and fix the problem, using the "made in china" wrench.

- the wrench continues its endless journey without problems because its advanced design keeps it from degrading despite its high radiation exposure. because the impact with the solar panel is mis-calculated by the emergency planning committe the orbit estimation is off, it collides with a chinese low orbit military communications satellite while flying over andrews air force base. the chinese accuse the usaf of intentially taking hostile action against one of its satellites and retaliates by changing the path of another satellite to collide with nsa's surveillance satellite whose orbit was changed to spy on china's new secret submarine complex.

- the us accuses the chinese of fabricating the loss of the satellite as an excuse to take hostile action against one of its spy satellites. the us space command orders its research high energy particle accelerator laser into use to take out one of the chinese military communications satellite. unfortunately the laser overheats and permanently ruins the power conditioner because the same contractor was short one QA tester to appropriately test its functional ability.