Fetish weddings at adults-only resort

Somehow, “Here comes the bride, all dressed in Latex bodysuit, leather restraints and thigh-high stiletto boots” doesn’t have quite the same ring.

Hedonism II

But it’ll be the most interesting wedding you ever attended.

Recognizing that destination weddings represent billions of dollars to the travel industry, the nice folks at the Hedonism II Resort in Negril, Jamaica — an adults-only site in every sense of the phrase — have decided to begin offering less-than-white-wedding packages for those who don’t mind blurring the line between wedding ceremony and consummating the marriage.

The Fantasy and Fetish Weddings program will begin offering three themes starting in September, including:

Vampires: Includes blood orange champagne cocktail; a red, black and white cake; and a “bouquet and boutonniere of black and blood-red roses,” according to a company announcement. “His and hers costume fangs are also included.”

Leather & Lace: A dream wedding, apparently, for brides hoping to walk down the aisle in lingerie and stilettos (presumably not with their fathers). “Masters and mistresses will love their dimly lit boudoir draped in lace and votive candles.” Get this package and Hedonism will kick in a set of handcuffs for free.

Pirates & Wenches: OK, blame Johnny Depp for this one. Amid a nautical motif and pirate flags, “swashbuckling pirates and busty wenches can walk the plank together in style.” After the ceremony, the couple will toast with Planter’s Punch and set off on a “treasure hunt” — which is probably not as dirty as it sounds. Probably.

All three packages include: wedding cake, decorated room, themed keepsakes, a 30-minute couple’s massage, framed 5-by-7 photo (of the wedding, not the massage) and matching red satin bathrobes, as well as Hedonism’s “Just Married” t-shirt — which might be the only thing the couple wears the rest of the week.

For more about the weddings or about Hedonism II (owned by the same folks who run the family friendly Breezes resorts), visit www.hedonism.com, call (800) 467-8737, or contact a local travel agent (preferably one who moonlights as a dominatrix).