Real Housewives Of New York Reunion: The Case Of Sonja Morgan And The Missing Toaster

First of all, let me just say — when did we enter a time where it was acceptable for a show to broadcast a two part reunion and assume that I have enough free time and dedication to just be sitting around on my ass two weeks in a row to watch it? That said — touche, Bravo, because you got your hooks into me, and I 100% watched Part II of the Real Housewives of New York City reunion show last night and loved every second of it.

We left no stone unturned in this piece of investigative journalism. We found out that LuAnn de Lesseps is finally admitting that she lied to Jacques and the girls about her…ahem…interaction with Tomas in St. Barth’s. She’s saying that he drove her home and asked for a tour of the house because he’d never seen it, which Carole Radziwill pointed out was another lie, because he’d been there before for a party. But regardless, she’s still insisting that nothing happened, not even a chaste kiss. She also insists that she and Jacques are still together, although I see no mention of him on her Wikipedia page, which is an infallible source for all facts ever.

Sonja Morgan, on the other hand, all but confirmed that she ‘let Tomas play in the garden’, which is Bravo and Andy Cohen‘s way of saying she let him come in the back door. That he took her from behind? They butt-fucked.

And of course we had to rehash the Aviva Drescher argument again…because that bitch cannot shut up. She’s toned down her language significantly, I’m assuming after viewer backlash, but she was still on Ramona Singer about kicking her father, George, out of her charity party. He’s 80 years old, by the way. I don’t know if you knew. We also had to talk more about Ramona and Sonja being alcoholics, which who knows if they are, but they certainly drink a lot and seem to get a little schwastey in front of the cameras. Aviva yelled about that for a while and then bestowed upon us the revelation that her mother died of alcoholism, which puts her craziness in perspective. A little bit. Except she didn’t die of rudeness, so mind your tone, lady. Mind your Vassar-educated tone.

But probably my favorite thing was a showdown between Heather Thomson and Sonja, with all Heather’s frustrations coming to a head. After everything she did for Sonja as a favor, for free, Sonja had the audacity to show up at the reunion with viewer-submitted sketches for her logo. But my girl Heather can handle herself, obviously, and it’s telling that every single person there except for Ramona was on her side about it, including Andy. This toaster oven has been in the works since the middle of the third season, now, when Sonja joined the show, and I think we can all agree we’re done hearing about it until it actually exists. So shut your trout mouth, Son

All in all, I’d say a very successful reunion. Tempers flared, tears were shed, and the right people were put in their place by my two lady-cakes, Heather and Carole. May they all live happily ever after…until next season.