Confronting Unbelief

Free association tests are no longer exclusive to
psychotherapy offices. We click on them when social networking sites claim they
will reveal our personalities, and play them as party games. These enjoyable
games act as simple exercises to awaken the creative parts of the brain,
sometimes bogged down by the frantic call of business, duty, and daily life.

For me it usually goes something like this:

Chocolate...Yes, please

Dog...Border Collie

Journalist...My granddad.

Belief...Help, my unbelief! Always, it is always—help, my
unbelief.

I feel like this is a constant prayer of mine, a mental
whisper that suddenly and audibly explodes when I behold the brokenness of the world,
my city, and my home. When I am forced to see the misery and am tempted to give
myself over to sorrow.

There is no one I trust with my unbelief more than God. I
know this seems counterintuitive, but like the Father in Mark 9 who sought
healing for his boy, I listen to Jesus when he says "All things are
possible for one who believes.” My response comes out as a beggars prayer,
“I believe; help my unbelief!” It is also a prayer I freely let my
children see me plead.

I have never held one of my babies without my belief in a
gracious, just, and loving God. I cannot even imagine what that would be like. The
amount of trust it demands of me to not be anxious for their lives is something
that insists upon supernatural strength.

Sending them off to school for the first time, letting them
begin to cross the street alone, or allowing them to attend their first sleep
over — the only thing that keeps a sense
of panic from overwhelming me is the truth that God loves them more than I do,
and He knows the plans for their lives.

I know their little eyes are watching me. They are observing
and critiquing the life of their mother. Sometimes I wonder, which will they
see and remember, my belief or my unbelief? Will they understand the beauty of
how these intertwine? Do I have the guts to teach them?

I believe the only
life worth living is one empowered by authentic, Jesus-centered faith. Peace
that passes understanding, repentance, and perseverance are superior to a perfectly polished façade that can't admit
it's own inability to save.

So I let my children witness conviction that drives me to my
knees, and profound hope in impossible circumstances. I let them see me cry
over the broken and lost. I allow them to witness me stand up for what is
right, and I go to them humbly and share the grace I experience when I fail. I
refuse to dress my faith up as something shiny or pretty, but have it be
something that rusts and bends when real life hits. I want my faith to be my
life, and offer life—something that feeds my soul and delivers nourishment to
the growing faith of my little ones.

I don't want to pretend the faith walk is easy: I want them
to see that it is an authentic hike towards glory, with peaks, valleys, and a
view that makes it all worth it. That the race set before them is worth
persevering in, worth sacrificing for, and worth giving their all.

I know that Jesus is the only one who can answer their vexing
questions that are bound to come, and
that their salvation does not depend on me. Yet, I pray they would venture into
life with a white-knuckled grasp on the
robe of Jesus, and curious eyes that
look up to God's face of love with a seeking heart. For when the trials come
and they can't muster the strength to stare their hardships in the face
dauntlessly, it is my hope that they too will pray the prayer they heard their
mama utter a thousand times before, "I want to believe; Help my
unbelief."

~~~Readers, Do you believe God can meet you in your unbelief? Where do you need to ask for His help today?

Chara is a freelance writer, certified biblical counselor, and speaker. She holds a MSEd from Corban University and is passionate about seeing people set free through God's truths. She loves to write about faith, culture, and the deep truths that drive our fascinations with it. Chara is the founder and editor of Anchored Voices and can be found on multiple social media platforms @CharaDonahue.

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Welcome to Anchored Voices, a place for women to use their words and creativity to point each other to the God who anchors the soul. Conceived to foster an online community where we can remind one another that when the waves hit—in Jesus, the soul is safe.