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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when making food allow the desire to consume to block out all common sense regarding testing myself, looking at how many carbs I am eating, equating how much insulin I need, and recording the blood glucose reading in that moment, ignoring that which is best for me due to my acceptance and involvement in the energy I've created associated to eating foods, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship to food based off of energy, making it difficult for myself to work with myself in equality within diabetes, as when I am eating, I am not considering that I should be testing and looking at how many carbs I am eating to best be able to equate how much insulin I need to counter balance the food

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only think about the food that I will be eating when I am making food, and in this thinking about eating the food, fail to realize that I have not tested and/or I have not checked the amount of carbs that I will be eating and yet continue to eat, only to realize after the fact that I did not test nor inject a proper amount of insulin, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a starting point towards consuming and making food one of desire and not practical support for myself within diabetes and the regulation/balance of sugar levels

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to involve myself with energy within the mind while eating where I consume and entertain myself while eating blinding myself from being here with myself wherein I will make food sit down and eat it while entertaining myself with television and in this blinding myself with entertainment, not allow myself to move out of the energy and see what I am accepting within not testing before I am eating and not injecting proper insulin through the measurement of the amount of carbohydrates I am eating and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind myself with entertainment, even within food, as food becomes entertainment, from seeing myself in/as how I am treating myself as a diabetic and how irresponsible I've become in/as giving myself a healthy life by eating properly and following a pattern of support for myself in diabetes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat before injecting insulin, or even eat without injecting insulin because I care more about the experience that I am wanting or within at that moment and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to break myself out of the experience of entertainment or amusement, whatever it may be, and test the blood sugars, and give myself some breath to take the time and weigh out the foods and calculate how much carbohydrates I will be eating, write down the numbers, inject insulin, and then proceed to eat, stopping the distraction from common sense within the movement of energy within the starting point of eating to experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to test before eating because I allowed myself to maintain and want to maintain a specific experience that I was in and in wanting to maintain that experience, allow myself to ignore what is real and what practically must be done by myself within diabetes to support myself within diabetes, testing, reading food labels, injecting proper insulin, and then eating, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that wanting to be in specific experiences and wanting to maintain those experiences leads me to ignore life, leads me to neglect life itself, shown by my neglect of myself as a diabetic when/as I want to be within those experiences and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself ot not use testing and injecting insulin and carb counting as a clear indicator that I am within an experience and to not then move myself out of the experience by testing, carb counting, and then injecting an appropriate amount of insulin

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how negligent I've been to myself in diabetes and how negligent I've been to myself as life within the mismanagement and improper care of myself within diabetes, and thus how negligent I've been to all life within the lack of consideration of what I am doing to myself as life within diabetes and according all life through my actions and participations in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become influenced by energy to the extent that I will fight to keep an experience by/as not testing, or carb counting properly, and to the extent where I will deliberately ignore myself within diabetes in order to maintain the experience of myself within energy, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not break myself out of the illusion of energy and give myself time and breath to make sure that I am properly managing and doing the best that I can to make sure that I within diabetes am taking proper care of myself as life and not sabotaging myself for energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not step back from the experience within energy while making food or deciding to eat and breathe, and take my time to check my blood sugar, to measure the carbs within the food that I am eating, and to stop the experience from the energy so that I am best practically supporting myself as life within diabetes and within health and within the body and then inject proper insulin and then eat, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my health within diabetes for wanting to eat without having to go through the routine of testing, measuring and injecting insulin, sabotaging myself not using math to assist and support myself within the insulin ratios etc, but only using guesstimates and feelings to base the treatment of myself off of.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove myself from the experience of energy within eating, bring myself back to breath and give myself the patience to test my blood glucose levels, measure out the amount of carbohydrates I am eating, and inject an appropriate amount of insulin

I commit myself to when/as I am making food and/or am about to eat food within the experience of energy and I notice that I am thinking about testing but I am ignoring it, to stop myself within the experience of energy and take care of myself within diabetes

I commit myself to when/as I am in the experience of energy and I am eating food without considering how much carbs I am eating or if I am eating from the point of desire without absolute awareness of what I am eating, to check myself in that moment and look at what I am wanting to hold onto and what/how I accepted myself into wanting to hold onto that experience and to in that moment test and look at what I am eating and measure out the carbs that I am eating and inject properly, and in this to stop myself from participating in the point that leads to the experience that I am wanting to hold onto to prevent myself from sabotaging myself within giving myself care within diabetes

I commit myself to stop neglecting myself as life for an experience of energy, and commit myself to stop neglecting myself within diabetes, stop neglecting the health of myself for an experience of energy

When/as I am in an experience of energy and I am not wanting to let it go, I commit myself to taking a deep breath and looking at that which I am holding onto, and in that deep breath move myself to stop participating in the experience that I am wanting to hold onto and as I am looking at it, continue breathing and let it go and in letting it go change my participation into what is best for all and stop myself from going into the same experiences again, and use the opportunity to investigate the relationship with the thing that I've created the experience within