In marriage, it’s inevitable that sometimes couples will step on each other’s toes; especially during the first year of marriage, where newlyweds find themselves tip-toeing around their spouse’s emotional roadblocks. Don’t forget that it takes time to learn about your spouse’s idiosyncrasies and to learn how to respond in a way that makes them feel at ease.

Here are some of the common mistakes people make in marriage:

● You forget about for an important appointment and your spouse is furious

● You make up a time they will call you on your cell phone and you forget to turn it on.

● You invite your in-laws for dinner and forget to tell your spouse.

● You forget to bring her flowers for Shabbos or Yom Tov.

● You leave the dishes piled up in the sink.

Despite your mistakes, you can still undo your past actions by learning how to say, “I’m sorry.” Saying that you are sorry is so powerful that many couples have told me that it’s the secret to having a long-lasting marriage, as the following story that appeared in a British newspaper points out.

A British couple who holds the world record for the longest marriage said that their success was down to a glass of whisky, a glass of sherry and the word, “Sorry”

Percy and Florence Arrowsmith married on June 1, 1925, and will celebrate their 80th anniversary on Wednesday.

The Guinness World Records said that the couple held the title for the longest marriage and also for the oldest married couple’s aggregate age.

“I think we’re very blessed,” said Florence, 100 years old. “We still love one another, that’s the most important part.”

Asked for their secret, Florence said you must never be afraid to say, “Sorry.”

“You must never go to sleep bad friends,” she said, while Percy, 105, said his secret to marital bliss was just two words, “yes, dear.”

The couple has three children, six grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren and is planning a party soon.

How to say that you’re sorry:

There are many ways to tell your significant other that you are sorry. To begin with, start by expressing your spouse that you genuinely feel sorry for your behavior, actions, or words.

“Please forgive my outburst, I do love and respect you and didn’t mean to speak to you like that.”

“I do love you and I can’t stand fighting with you. Please forgive my part in all this. I want us to speak calmly and with respect for each other.”

”I am very sorry, please forgive my tone of voice. I love you and don’t want us to continue speaking to each other this way.”

“I’m sorry. I love you and I am overreacting. Let’s take a break right now so we can both calm down.”

Second, it is very important to state that you are taking responsibility for your actions and not trying to justify your behavior or make excuses for it. If you don’t take responsibility for your actions, then your apology will have little value. You should also try to convey that your sincerely regret what you did. Many times, someone may simply say they are sorry to try to keep the peace and end an argument and they are not generally feeling remorse for their behavior. A genuine expression of sorrow for your behavior can mean a lot to the other person.

Michael, 32, and Rivkah, 29 (fictitious names) learned about the need to say, “I’m sorry,” the hard way. Michael was a well-respected accountant who worked in a high-pressure job. He usually worked late hours, and looked forward to unwinding at home – but not to be greeted by a loud choir of children when he entered the door.

A common scenario unfolded each night when Michael would return home from work and be greeted by his ready-for-bed children and a very exhausted wife. At home, his wife Rivkah was finding raising their children to be a challenging task, especially since their young baby had colic and she faced many sleepless nights alone without Michael’s help. Usually, by the time Michael came home, Rivkah was worn out and needed assistance. However, when Michael would open the door, his children would crowd around him, start jumping up and down and beg for him to play with them. But Michael who usually felt overwhelmed, would get upset and start lashing out at his kids and yelling at his wife.

To make the situation worse, Rivkah would hand the kids to Michael and run to the bedroom to relax. In response, Michael would turn on the video machine for the children and try to escape to his computer in the living room. Left alone, the children would feel abandoned and start crying for attention, which would cause Michael to lose his temper.

About the Author:Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, LMFT is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, treating anxiety and depression, and helping teens in crisis with offices For more information visit www.JewishMarriageSupport.com, e-mail rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com or call 646-428-4723.

If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

Purim is a fantastic time for fantasies, so I hope you won’t mind my fantasizing about how easy life would be if kids would prefer healthy cuisine over sweets. Imagine waking up to the call of “Mommy, when will my oatmeal be ready?”… As you rush to ladle out the hot unsweetened cereal, you rub […]

One of the earliest special Purims we have on record was celebrated by the Jews of Granada and Shmuel HaNagid, the eleventh-century rav, poet, soldier and statesman, and one of the most influential Jews in Muslim Spain.

Separation anxiety disorder is a condition in which a child becomes fearful and nervous when away from home or separated from a loved one – usually a parent or other caregiver – to whom the child is attached.

Parental conflict affects children in varying ways, depending on their age. For example, teenagers around the age of fifteen or sixteen are most likely to involve themselves in their parents’ battles. Younger children may keep their feelings hidden inside and may only show signs of depression in late childhood or early adolescence.

Active listening is only one part of the marriage equation; learning what to say and what not to say is the other half. And, it’s not just about expressing your feelings, but doing it in a way that avoids hurting the other person.

Control may be the most destructive force influencing a marriage. Let me illustrate this point with the following story. About two years ago a woman named Bracha, 47, came to speak to me about her husband’s controlling behavior. This is how she described her precarious situation: