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Sunday, December 2, 2012

Location, Location, Location

In real estate location is everything. The same may be true for dating. While your date may be charming, good looking and engaging, where they take you on a date says so much about them. So men, choose wisely. We are paying attention and yes, we are judging. You don't have to impress us with fancy restaurants or expensive theater productions but you do have to remember that we are women and not your buddies. We need to know that you think so highly of us that you put some serious thought into where you will take us on a date. You considered who we are and what we would feel when we got to said location. We hope that you would think about how that location would reflect on you.

This brings me to my latest outing. My male companion suggested we meet on a Sunday to watch a football game. Now some of you may be cringing but I actually do enjoy watching professional football, so this sounded ideal. But then came his first suggestion of locations. With all seriousness he said we should meet at Hooters. I almost dropped the phone. Now what man in his right mind would say to himself, 'Taking her to Hooters will show what a fun and progressive guy I am'? Hooters - where the waitresses flaunt their assets for middle aged men to ogle. Oh yes, this was a particularly perfect suggestion of locations to meet. I promptly said no - adding in 'What the fuck are you thinking?' His response was "They have a lot of televisions'. Really? I am pretty sure there are many other places that have a lot of televisions that don't have semi-naked waitresses. He agreed and made a second suggestion - The Tilted Kilt.

I have never been to or heard of the Tilted Kilt and since he gave me directions, I had no need to look it up. Which was my mistake. But I was pretty sure, since I had made my opinions of semi-nude servers clear, that this place would be better. Oh, how wrong I was. How very, very wrong. I walked into this place and immediately knew I was out of my element. First of there aren't just two or three televisions, there are 100. And it is loud. Then, as I got strange stares from the hostess, I looked around and realized as far as female patrons went it was me and a table of lesbians. And then there were the waitresses. Ahhhhh, worse than Hooters. Young busty women wearing tilted kilts (sigh), knee socks, plaid push up bras and not much else. Yes, this was clearly an ideal date location. For those of you with limited imaginations, look here: http://www.tiltedkilt.com/kilt-girl-calendar/

So my companion was waiting at a table. His cell phone prominently displayed on the table. His eyes darted from television to television. Our waitress, Megan, arrived, leaned over, pushed her breasts in my face and asked if I wanted a drink. Oh dear god, yes. I asked my companion how he thought this place differed from Hooters. His reply, 'The food is better'. Are you kidding me? Did he think I rejected Hooters because of the nachos? Then I noticed he kept looking at his phone. When I asked why, he said he needed to keep track of his fantasy football scores. When I pointed out that the scores would be the same in two hours and he really had no control over it, he just told me I didn't understand. Megan came back and sat down with us. Why? Why would the waitress sit down? Her breasts rested on the table. Maybe they were too heavy to carry around. She told us she was pretty sure she was hungover. I asked for another drink.

After an hour or so, I was done. It was loud. I felt old and fat next to these waitresses. And I might as well have been alone for all the time my male companion spent looking at his phone and cursing. But the morale of the story here is location matters. We choose where we live for the location. We choose where we vacation for location. Shouldn't we choose where we date for location as well. Think through it men. If you would go there with your buddies and ogle young girls, does it really cut it as a date location. Next time I will google the location before my date. Next time, I will know what I am walking into because after all I am 44 and single.