I'm an official card-carrying member of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, sitting in every morning on the super-secret nationwide conference call during which we receive our marching orders from the Forces of Evil. But unless I've missed something—and granted, maybe the extra-bold coffee doesn't always kick in—not once have I heard mention of a plan to impeach Pres. Obama.

So what does Ed Schultz know that I don't? He splattered his MSNBC show this evening with incessant dark speculation to the effect that the new Republican majority is plotting to impeach Pres. Obama. View video after the jump.

Have a snicker at Schultz's paranoid delusions.

ED SCHULTZ: Mr. Boehner, can I ask you tonight: are you going to take impeachment off the table? . . . And Reverend [Sharpton], do you think the Republicans should make sure the American people know that impeachment is off the table? . . . They gotta get impeachment off the table . . . I think he also has to bring the Republican leadership into the Oval Office and say what's this about impeachment? . . . Coming up: I think Republicans are plotting to impeach the President . . . And in my playbook tonight, get ready for a slew of investiations. I think they're going to try to impeach the President.

Bonus Coverage: Ah, the always-classy Ed. Rolling tape of an emotional John Boehner recalling his challenging upbringing and belief in the American Dream, Schultz refers to the soon-to-be Speaker as a "barfly."