JAN. 26, 2004. Since The Gully began corresponding with the author, identified only as S., her weblog has been pulled from the net by her service provider. She hopes to have another in the future.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

Salaam to all the women who visit my weblog.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

I always wished there was a place where I could meet other people like myself. Since such a place doesn't exist, I decided to do something about it myself, and so I built this weblog. I hope to be able to fill out this space, with your help, and I hope this will be a place where we can exchange ideas and get to know one another.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Salaam, I am happy today. Maybe because it's early in the morning. I hope to have a good and joyous day, and I hope to meet new people. It's such a good feeling. I'm really proud of myself for being such a positive person... (...)

Yesterday, I was saying that I'm really glad to be different from most people, and to think differently from them. I am not saying that I didn't have any problems with this fact [of being a lesbian] from the beginning. Actually I really struggled with myself to accept it. But even before accepting it, I felt the same way, and I was alone in this path. There was no one I could trust. And even if there was, they couldn't have understood.

Anyway, whatever the past, I'm glad the crisis is behind me. And I always tell myself, even if I don't have anyone, God is always up there for me, and he loves me, and he is always there if I need him. Sometimes the difficulties we encounter in life, are God's way of testing us. So if it is from God, then it is sweet and bearable.

Someone up there loves me.

And if I believe that he loves me, then I know that he is always with me, even if I don't follow the principles of my parents and even if I'm not "normal".

Sunday, September 21, 2003

Am I a lesbian?

A lot of us might be asking ourselves this question. Well it depends on how we interpret this word.

A lot of people (almost all men) think this word has a simple meaning: women who have sexual relationships with other women.

Obviously this is part of the meaning, but not all of it. In my opinion this interpretation is wrong and unfair.

As I said before, the main problem is that you don't want to accept that we are normal people, who live normal lives like yourself. We are living alongside one another today, and we are not causing any problems for you. I don't think such a small difference (and related to our private lives) would make us dangerous people. And I have to tell you, do not try to understand me and people like me. I believe the same way I cannot understand my friends, you cannot understand me either. I do not expect this from you. Just try to accept us, as members of the society we live in. Although I am sure even 50 years from now this issue will not be resolved in our country. But as a member of this misunderstood minority group, I think it is my duty to speak out, to support people like myself, and to educate people who don't think the way we do, and who oppose us.

Let's go back to my question. If your interpretation of the word is wrong, then what is the correct meaning? I looked up the word "homosexual" in the dictionary:
Homosexual "Hamjensgara. A person who likes ["alaagheh" in Persian] people of the same sex".

As you see there is no mention of sexual relationship. At least not in this dictionary. So the most important element is love ("alaagheh") and not sexual desire. This is also my point of view  as a homosexual person  that love is more important than sexual desire.

I hope I have convinced you that lesbian relationships are not solely based on lust. Let me tell you the purpose of writing this note:

I think there are a lot of young women who are confused about their orientation, like I was, not too long ago. At that time I asked myself this question, and tried to analyze it logically. Well, I finally found my way, but I'm sure there are a lot of people who are in that situation today, and they really need to have a clear understanding of this notion. I hope you understand that lesbian is not a bad or dirty word. Don't let wrong beliefs influence your destiny.

From the first day I started this weblog, I wished that my writings would be helpful. I hope they are.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Salaam, the subject I want to talk about today is something I have been meaning to write about since I first started this weblog, but every time more important subjects came to my mind, and therefore this subject was postponed until today.

Marriage ... but not the conventional marriage in our country. In other countries marriage is somehow losing its significance. Even if the type of marriage I want to talk about today, exists in those countries, it doesn't seem strange to anyone ... I mean somehow it has become the norm.

Well, I guess by now you know what I am talking about. I am talking about marriage between two women. Now if you ladies and gentlemen tell me that this is impossible in Iran, I totally agree with you. But let me explain myself before criticizing me. From now on, whenever I talk about marriage, I mean marriage between two women, so don't misinterpret what I am going to write, please.

First of all, I don't think marriage is just about exchanging rings, signing a few papers and the first few nights. It's an agreement, and a commitment to the things both parties value. For whatever reason these two people get married, they are mature enough to build a family by themselves. Even if the family never grows larger than the two of them. But it is precious and dear to them.

They believe that this commitment is necessary for their relationship to last, and that's why they get married.

Of course for you and me who live in Iran, this seems like a dream. I guess it is partly a dream. For example two women will never sit at a "Sofreh-ye Aghd"* together. It just sounds ridiculous. But then, why do they need to have a "Sofreh-ye Aghd" anyway?

Does saying "yes" really guarantee their commitment to their values? I don't think so. But it is possible that two people promise each other to stay together for ever, in happiness and sadness ...

This is the best thing I can wish for myself  and for people like myself  that is, to live with my soul mate, someone I love and who loves me. This is also a kind of union, isn't it?

I don't want to get into the details of this matter, because I think it's a personal opinion and a personal choice. I don't want to force my opinion and choices on other people. I just want to inform, so you know that this can also happen, and one day it will happen.

* The Aghd is the first part of the Iranian Wedding Ceremony where blessings are offered and the contract signed. In it, the Sofreh-ye Aghd, a decorated cloth is set on the floor, facing east, the direction of sunrise, and decorated with items that have symbolic values, such as a mirror, bread, gold coins, etc. When the bride and bridegroom sit at the head of the "Sofhreh," the ceremony begins.