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Monday, September 13, 2010

Adoption Blogs

There's some controversy in the adoption world regarding adoption-related blogs. What's appropriate to include? What's not? Are adoption blogs even a good idea? Is exposing private details publicly a benefit or a hindrance to readers?

I have my own reservations at times about having this blog for a few reasons. First, I don't want to write anything that will ever hurt my child. I don't want her to feel that I turned her life into a stage, even though this blog is about transracial adoption and not just our family. Second, I don't want to ever hurt our daughter's biological family in any way. Third, I may just be getting it ALL wrong, and it's all here, in the open air, for anyone to watch me fail.

However, I was born to write. New ideas for blog entries pop into my head daily. Having a blog allows me total control over the content and presentation of my ideas. I do write articles; however, what gets published, when, and the exact wording is ultimately in the hands of my editors, not me.

Rosalynn Carter said, "You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through."

A public blog opens one up to the opinions of others. Not every reader is a fan. And when one is blogging about his or her family, well, that's personal, and to have a reader critique that person's view and understanding of family, well, that's REALLY personal.

I have several friends who write blogs about their families, and several of these families are brought together through adoption. And, of course, that means that the child in the family has biological parents, ones who could read the blog or even be written about.

I've set up some personal guidelines for myself when blogging about my family:

1: I will not disclose any personal details about my child's biological family members, including their names, ages, locations, etc.

2: I will not disclose any intimate details about my daughter's adoption including the circumstances of her placement, her birth name, the promises we made to her biological mother, etc.

3: I won't post pictures of my daughter's biological family.

4: And for now, I do not post pictures of my daughter's face. Many have asked me why, and my reasoning is that I do not wish, if my daughter's biological family finds this blog, for them to see a photo of their family member's face on a blog before they have a chance to own that photograph when we send them updates on our daughter. For me, it's a matter of respect for my daughter's biological family.

5: When we adopt again, I will not post any specific details of situations we are being considered for out of respect for the expectant/biological parents.

I have commented on a few adoption blogs that I've connected with (friends of friends of friends) who break some of these rules. I'm nice, but I'm honest. I state what I believe the offense is and why I feel that way---but always with compassion and kindness, because adoptive families are a bundle of mixed emotions.

My main message: It's better to be too private---because once the information is out there, it's out there forever. There are no take backs or re dos.

Matthew 12: 33-37:33 “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. 34 Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart[g] brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. 36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. 37 For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

1 comment:

I definitely agree that thinking wisely about what we publish in regards to adoption is very important. I have my own limits as well (although perhaps some people have none?). While I will write posts regarding the biological mother of our son, I also won't include details about her life or reasons or photographs...while there is no chance she will read my blog, I also feel it's a matter of respect. If I do write about her, it's mostly my own feelings about her. I don't mind including pictures of William on my blog but of course, our adoption situations are different so I understand your reasons and respect them.I think your post is thought provoking and well written and definitely something people should bear in mind.