Saturday, July 26, 2014

Sub-Ape-Ess Shoots Lover Over Poor Sex Performance

SOUTHFIELD (WWJ) – Oakland County prosecutors are fighting the release of a 58-year-old Southfield woman admitted she shot her lover over his performance in bed.

Sadie Bell was convicted in April of assault with intent to do great bodily harm for shooting her boyfriend, Edward Lee, in the stomach in January of 2013 — but she’s now been granted bond pending an appeal.

According to Chief Assistant Prosecutor Paul Walton, Bell admitted she had sex with Lee at her apartment, then shot him over his poor performance. She also accused Lee of cheating. [...]

“She stated that she knew he was having an affair because he wasn’t producing enough ejaculate,” Walton explained. “She also said to the police some very graphic things about how she expected him to perform, she was a cheap date, she liked sex, she expected him to be able to do what he’s promised; and she said, in essence, to quote her, she was pissed off, so she shot him.”

What shocks me most in this case is that there is a man out there in the world who can get it up while face to face with that sheboon. What a trooper. Imagine the conversation that night:

Sadie: Nigga, you not come 'nuff! Where yo' cum?!

Edward: Bitch, my sperms is frightened of yo' face and is hidin' up in there waitin' for a better lookin' bitch!