The notorious student known only as the ‘Oxford Night-Climber’ has been found passed out this morning, with a college tie roped tightly around his neck, and his trousers around his ankles. EMT’s suspect he lost consciousness during a bout of autoerotic asphyxiation. He has since been discharged from hospital.

The hero we deserve?

His long-suffering college spouse, who has asked to remain anonymous, commented, “He was always a bit obsessed with me. I only agreed to marry him to stop him having a break down. I think he started this whole ‘night climber’ thing just to look at me getting changed”.

not quite the mile high club is it?

College porters passed further comment in claiming “pretty much every student has climbed up the fire-escape. He’s not Batman; he’s a very naughty boy”.