Conan the Barbarian Remake August 2011

Tonight the wife and I went out to see Adjustment Bureau, as we left I happened to see a poster for a remake of Conan the Barbarian. Maybe my geekdar is on the fritz but I thought I would have heard if a new Conan movie was coming out this August.

A third Conan movie, King Conan, has been rumored for twenty years, but it has never been more than a rumor. In fact a visit to Internet Movie Database said this about the possibility of a third installment in the series:

The third Schwarzenegger Conan movie, tentatively called “King Conan: Crown of Iron”, has been in various stages of development for the past twenty years. It has been close to being made on a couple of occasions, but something always came in the way, whether it be creative differences, scheduling problems or budget. The studio has now pulled the plug on that movie once and for all, and moved on. Many rumors, and even trivia on IMDb, have suggested the Kevin Sorbo movie, Kull the Conqueror, was the original sequel to Conan the Destroyer, called Conan the Conqueror. Since the script was never used, however, it was changed from Conan to Kull and made from him Alantis rather than a Cimmerian.

Ok, fair enough. Since he became the Govinator I kind of made peace with the idea that the Conan line was dead. (At least the Conan line with Arnold.)

Then a few years ago I heard that Ron Perlman (of Hellboy fame and Beauty and Beast shame) was going to take on the role of King Conan. Well it turns out that Ron will be in the film, but as the character Corin, not Conan.

Conan will be played by Jason Momoa from Stargate: Atlantis.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. My first reaction is that remakes ALWAYS suck. My second reaction is that while Momoa is a buff dude that could easily bench-press my taco eating ass, he isn’t fit to hold 1982 Arnold’s jockstrap. Hmmm…a seven time Mr. Olympia or a dude that models for a living… I’m just saying… Also, it is in 3D which make me die a little bit inside. (3D movies make my eyes bleed.)

As always with movies, I will hope for the best and then spend a few days cursing and crying alone in the basement living off shameful tears and used dryer sheets.

Regardless I must see any movie that has swords in it, it is the geek code.