Life as a Summer Associate

So for those of us working this summer. What has your experience been like so far? If you could say anything to your new coworkers/employers what would it be?

Me?

"Dear Paralegals and various Administrative Assistants,

While I recognize that there is only one other Black man in this entire office, and therefore you are not used to seeing us in such proximity, would it be too much to ask that you don't JUMP BACK so visibly startled whenever you walk around the corner and see me?

kthxbye!"

-

"Dear Black man arrested for breaking into Three different Offices after-dark,

You f-in' it up for the rest of us, right? You do know they E-MAIL a picture of your mugshot around the entire building, right? You do know that with a shaved head they can't tell about 85% of us apart. Next time you choose to break the law and scare white people, can you NOT do it in my building?

From NYU Career Services (some of these are lame, but others are hilarious):

VIII. Real World Examples of Career Limiting Behavior:

A. Unimpressed with the quality of the wine being served at the summer welcome dinner, summer associate orders a special bottle of wine. To make matters worse, summer associate charges the wine to the firm.B. Summer associate complains about having a windowless office and then claims to have been "promised" a window during the interview process.C. Summer associate is criticized for filing motion without attachments . . . summer associate blames the secretary.D. Summer associate shows up at all firm events involving food, and is so busy eating that they fail to socialize with anyone else.E. Summer associate makes typographical errors in memoranda.F. Summer associate paints their toenails in the office, assuming 10 p.m. is "her own time".G. Summer associate refuses to work past 7:00 p.m. or on weekends.H. Summer associate sleeps 12 hours a day during the firm's three-day sailing trip.I. Summer associate fails to Shepardize.J. Summer associate yells at support staff.K. Summer associate misses a deadline.L. Summer associate makes up citation to support the position he/she is trying to prove in a brief filed with the court (resulting in immediate termination and letter to Board of Professional Responsibility).M. Wishing to play on the firm's ice hockey team, summer associate loudly and persistently discusses their skill as a high school hockey player and claims that he would easily be the best player on the ice. The senior associate who organizes the team is a former NHL player.N. Summer associate decides to give client legal advice without the express permission of supervising attorney.O. Summer associate refuses to make edits to a draft brief because "I was an English major in college and I know your edits are incorrect."P. Summer associate engages in public display of affection with co-clerk in library.Q. Summer associate turns in a research project that did not answer the question assigned.R. Summer associate throws up after a firm cocktail party as a result of excess consumption of alcohol.S. Summer associate visits Internet porn sites at the office.T. Summer associate forwards a sexist joke to several attorneys at the firm.U. Summer associate has loud, crass personal conversations regularly from office phone.V. Summer associate plagiarizes paragraph in memorandum from hornbook.W. Summer associate is not available to stay late to assist in closing in order to have drinks as planned with other summer associates.X. Summer associate falls asleep at negotiation session in conference room.Y. Summer associate removes several attorneys' phones for an afternoon as a practical joke.Z. Summer associate takes a significant amount of office supplies (including 10-12 notebooks) home for personal use.AA. Summer associate organizes summer associate outing to strip club and bills firm.BB. Summer associate plucks flowers from flowerpot in firm's lobby.CC. Summer associate asks printer to create 500 copies of bound document instead of 50 after mishearing directions from partner.DD. Summer associate trash talks an associate in public area in law firm.EE. Summer associate berates female partner for her lack of skill at firm softball event.FF. Summer associate tells a partner that the way he is trying to make a fire during a firm canoe trip is "dumb"; same summer associate, later on the canoe trip, goes skinny dipping with senior associate.GG. Summer associate uses lunch budget for personal grooming, including a manicure/pedicure.HH. Summer associate extends disingenuous lunch invite to attorney in order to dine at an expensive restaurant.II. Summer associate is participating on a conference call with a partner. At 6:45 p.m., summer associate points to their watch, whispers "I have concert tickets," and leaves the room.JJ. Summer associate receives an e-mail from a senior associate, sent to the whole summer class, requesting a volunteer to help with an assignment. Summer associate promptly e-mails the senior associate back, informing senior associate that he is busy, but so-and-so (another summer associate) should have some time and can help out.KK. Summer associate says to a British-trained senior associate "I don't know where you went to law school, but in America summer associates get more sophisticated work assignments".LL. Summer associate proudly informs one senior associate that upon the receipt of an offer of permanent employment, she would only work with two members of the department and be the "go-to" person for them because she doesn't really enjoy working with anyone else.

A. Unimpressed with the quality of the wine being served at the summer welcome dinner, summer associate orders a special bottle of wine. To make matters worse, summer associate charges the wine to the firm.

L. Summer associate makes up citation to support the position he/she is trying to prove in a brief filed with the court (resulting in immediate termination and letter to Board of Professional Responsibility).

II. Summer associate is participating on a conference call with a partner. At 6:45 p.m., summer associate points to their watch, whispers "I have concert tickets," and leaves the room.

LL. Summer associate proudly informs one senior associate that upon the receipt of an offer of permanent employment, she would only work with two members of the department and be the "go-to" person for them because she doesn't really enjoy working with anyone else.

From NYU Career Services (some of these are lame, but others are hilarious):

VIII. Real World Examples of Career Limiting Behavior:

B. Summer associate complains about having a windowless office and then claims to have been "promised" a window during the interview process.

That's a deal breaker for sure.

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F. Summer associate paints their toenails in the office, assuming 10 p.m. is "her own time".

Call me spoiled or whatever, by why the hell is a Summer Associate working on something in the office until 10:00PM?

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O. Summer associate refuses to make edits to a draft brief because "I was an English major in college and I know your edits are incorrect."

Hey, us English Majors are very protective of our work. We put our blood sweat and tears into every comma, period, and quotation mark we write. We'll fight over a sentence, whether we are right or not.

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Y. Summer associate removes several attorneys' phones for an afternoon as a practical joke.

Ok, now this can get yer A$$ beat no matter what size firm. The Phone is the Money-maker. You mess with that you mess with the Firm's ability to generate revenue. Who knows what new business was trying to call the Office while that idiot was holding the phones hostages.

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FF. Summer associate tells a partner that the way he is trying to make a fire during a firm canoe trip is "dumb"; same summer associate, later on the canoe trip, goes skinny dipping with senior associate.

Now this was funny. I would LOVE to know the genders of both the Summer & Senior Associate.

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KK. Summer associate says to a British-trained senior associate "I don't know where you went to law school, but in America summer associates get more sophisticated work assignments".

9/11 changed everything. Al Qeada has been known to operate in Great Britian.

These summers are like work eating machines. You just keep feeing them things to do and they just keep doing it. I love it.

Quick story - myself and another first year associate are working on a motion to dismiss. There are literally close to a dozen claims we're trying to dismiss in this thing. The lead attorney on the case has to go out of the office on business for a few days and leaves us behind to work on the motion which is to be completed by the time they get back. So we're out at some spot in midtown having a few drinks talking about the case and all the legal research that has to be done on this thing in addition to everything else we have going on, and then it dawns on us....

...WE HAVE SUMMERS!!!!!!! America....F#@K YEAH!!!!!!

So right then and there in the middle of the bar we whip out the blackberries and start shooting emails to HR, and before we leave we have two summers assigned to meet with us the following morning ready to talk about what we need them to do.

They're like lexisnexis and westlaw machines, man. They eat that stuff up. Just point 'em in a direction and they're like "go go gadget brain." A few hours later you have all your research done and explained to you in a neat little memo.