Saturday, September 25, 2010

How It All Began

Before going into this story I'd like to make one thing very clear. Although I am posting these for your amusement and entertainment, these stories are not fiction. They really happened.

It was August 2009, and I had just moved to Helsinki, Finland's biggest city, to study. School had just started, and on Friday we decided to go out with ten or so people from our class. We headed out at about 10 p.m (if you're from Helsinki, we went to Henry's Pub) and started drinking and talking. One Irish guy from our class was showing off how he could drink a pint of beer in like 5 seconds. Anyway, we were there for a few hours, everybody was pretty drunk at this point. We decided to go to another bar where the Irish guy worked (again, Helsinkifags, Molly Malone's).

When we got there, it was absolutely fucking packed. Coming from a smaller town, I'd never seen a bar so full. Soon enough I lost my classmates. I did a few rounds around the bar trying to find them, but it was hopeless (though I was later told that they saw me and tried to pull me to their table, but I was too drunk to pay attention). I gave up, and figured I'd have a few beers with this Scottish guy called Simon. After those beers, I decided to head home since I still hadn't found my friends.

The bar we were at is right next to a busy street where taxis pass all the time, so I figured it would be easy enough to wave one for myself. None of them stopped though, and I got quite frustrated. I even tried to open the doors of some parked cars, but they were all locked. Finally, after a long time of waving, I finally got a taxi to stop. I told him my address (took three tries) and off we went. Once in the car, I remember thinking that it's weird he doesn't have the GPS map systems practically all taxis in Finland have. I also thought he must be wearing a pretty thin shirt, since I can see his nipples so clearly, but didn't think much of it, he was a nice enough guy. We finally got to my place after a few detours due to the lack of a map. When I was getting out of the car, I finally realised I have to pay for the ride. So I asked the guy how much he wants. "Nothing", he said, "it was my pleasure". At this point I realised three things at once:

1. There was no taxi sign on the roof, this was some random dude
2. The random dude was naked
3. He was jerking off

I didn't think anything of it at the time, just thanked him and went to bed. The next morning though, I started thinking about what happened. When I finally got out of bed, I went straight to my computer and posted this on /r9k/, so there's a chance you've read it before.

EPILOGUE

The guy was arrested in January 2010 in front of Molly Malone's, the same place where he picked me up.