What’s up virgins. Sorry but I’ve been beyond busy these last few days, mostly doing things that only I could get away with doing. (Punching out dogs, ghost face killing, watching musicals and writing Knight Rider/M.A.S.K slash fic.)

– I’ve been bored. I’m trying to stay on the clean and sober path for 2k9. I’m trying to find out who I really am, trying to transform myself to be a more ‘authentic’ version of me. Mostly I want to distil myself to my true essence (which is what I used to think came out of my penis when I was young and would have dreams about Zeppelins and Anna Nicole Smith*.)

I often wonder what I really am; could anyone really be simply summed up in a sentence?

– You know how the elderly tend to dress the same as they did when they were in their prime? Or how some women seem to stick with a specific hair and make up style much longer than they should? Do you think this generation will do the same? Will I still rock skinny jeans and American appy thin tees well into my 50s? Will those x-treme dudes who wear volcom and billabong still be keeping it real and Just Keep Livin’ their life? Will they be the black jeans and tucked in t-shirts of the nows? Will I still be listening to Animal Collective in my 80s or will I be listening to some more suitable to my age.

– I no longer have a yeast infection. I miss it. It was something that I came upon all on my own. Like the first TV on the Radio album.

– Is there anything better than porn found on the television when you’re not expecting it? No, no there isn’t. Not even a cure for cancer. Ask most people with cancer and I’m sure they’d be pro found porn.

So, apparently someone read – what he called “my cry for help” – and is letting me Deejay his New Year’s party in his parent’s basement. It’s gonna be crazy awesome.

Get ready BOYZ I'mma gonna make this new years the best!

I mean, I’ve already picked out what I’m going to wear – white shirt with something witty written in Helvetica, my super tight jeans, black converse sneakers that I’ve aged with steel wool and red wayfarers. I’ve been practicing what my face is going to look like as I scroll through my mac book looking for the next perfect song to blend seamlessly. Of course, I didn’t realize that it was going to be that hard to ‘perform’ and ‘be on’ as well as deejay, so I decided to preplan my ‘playlist.’

I’ve chosen a wide variety of club-bangers, party starters, power anthems, chill-out tunes and hype remixes that will give the appearance of being effortlessly hip and
relevant. But then I realized that you guys were probably just going to listen to City and Color and Dave Matthews and not reach your full party potential, so I’m giving you guys the chance to experience Pete the audio new years experience.

Look at that list.. those kids (..and you the downloader) are totally lucky. Look at some of the placement – Use Somebody, the most ambitious power anthem that will soon grace the meaningful end scene of one of your favourite teen-based tv shows’ mid-season finale – while it begins with Animal Collective’s slow burning chanter ‘My Girl.’ I’m soo looking forward to seeing the looks on their faces as they realize that I’m shaping their musical tastes.

He actually asked me to buy him booze first, but then I said only if I could deejay his shindig. Oh, he said Yessss

I’m not getting paid for this, instead they said I could keep whatever change is left over

from the money they give me to pick them up alcohol, Though I’ll totally end up spending it on some energy drink infused with vodka; even though it gives me horrible diarrheas and makes me black out – it’s better than having coke farts

I’ve been pretty depressed lying on a couch in tight gray track pants trying to come to terms that I’m not hip or happening and would never make it as a DJ ’cause I’m not dating a lesbian or the son of the guy who owns Mandarin. I was in the middle of deciding whether to take a bath with a toaster or eating a gun when I decided to choose a song to play over and over while I killed myself – Like Ian Curtis or the kid who played a song from BLINK 182’s (Miss U so much) meaningful period, when I saw the list of my itunes 30 recently played!

Submitted for the approval of the midnite society I call this: "The Playlist that made me realize that I'm still hip and relevant."

That’s when I realized I was hip and happening and that if I so choose I could totally just put my iTunes on shuffle and I would be an amazing DJ!