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February 06, 2011

Carter

Carter, age 15

Greensboro, N. Carolina (1975)

Talk about ELABORATE clues!

I wonder what my parents were thinking - or refusing to think - as my Barbra Streisand obsession took over my mid-teens, along with a whole bedroom wall. And to think they were actually shocked 3 years later when I came out.

"Streisand 'n me"

I came out in a very bad way, throwing it out to my mother after she'd grounded me for the night, preventing me from going disco dancing. I started screaming 'I'M GAY! I'M A FAG! A HOMO' and ran around the house telling my Dad and my kid sister, who was reduced to tears.

After I emotionally collapsed and went downstairs, my Mom told me to go upstairs and tell my sister I only said that to hurt her. Which I did. Soon after, all my friends were banned from coming over to the house - even the straight ones my mom couldn't be sure of. And we never talked about any of it again.

Well, except for that time a couple years later. A boyfriend I'd run away from home with, showed up at the house looking for me.

And that's a whooooole other story.

Carter's first, famous-person same sex crush:Race Bannon ("Jonny Quest")That show featured almost all men and was very homoerotic. I imagined Race & Dr. Quest as boyfriends, and I had all kinds of fantasies going on about them.
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I don't quite understand what you mean when you say that you were 'born gay.' I don't see how that's possible, being that none of us are born with any characteristics. Do you mean that you grew up in an environment that prompted you to be gay, or you wanted to be gay as a child?

I think I remember you said at age ten you chose to be gay so you could traumatize our mother, right? Or no, I think I talked you into it so I got to miss school the next day. Long before that I have always been glad you are my bother. You have so many good stories, I think I was more traumatized when you disappeared and mom said you were moving to DC, and when dad went out looking for you mom said he would be gone for a while to help you move…… Then there was the time you came out again and she just ignored it all. You are the best! Who is - ShantéGod Bless you.?????

Re: SDannieG -"Do you mean that you grew up in an environment that prompted you to be gay, or you wanted to be gay as a child?"

No, it means that it would not have mattered WHAT environment I grew up in: I knew was attracted/drawn to men from around age 6.

But not sexually attracted, just like straight boys are not sexually attracted to girls at that age. But they already know what those "feelings" are, going on inside their stomachs. You know, the feelings that don't come with a handbook or an on/off switch.

They just -- exist. Same way for heterosexual people. Whose environments also had no bearing on their innate feelings. Any other questions?Paul

I had a Streisand Wall too! And a picture of her in my high school locker. It was such a thrill to finally see her in concert in 1994 and 2007...I must say, Carter your wall is much better than mine was. Good job!!

The "Born This Way: Real Stories Of Growing Up Gay" book is out now in all bookstores. Please support your local LGBT and independent bookstores whenever possible. Click the image below to locate an indie bookstore near you.