Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Shortly after the new year, I found myself in church. While its not a place I usually seek out, it was important for me to be there. I sat in the pew, watching as my dear friend and mentor addressed her congregation for the last time. In her sermon, she spoke about chasing stars, how she had found a passing star that she felt she needed to chase down and ride for a while. This star was going to take her away from her church but she owed it to herself to follow where it led. I sat there watching my friend who I knew had been struggling with not only this decision but others in her life as well. Even though we have a generation separating us, our lives seem to have a very similar parallel these days. I listened with tears brimming in my eyes as she so eloquently summed up her feelings.

Occasionally I feel as if I am standing on a high hill, all these stars swirling around me; watching as others take a leap, tie themselves to a star, and soar off into the night sky to see where it might take them. A few weeks ago a passing star shot past me, without a moment of hesitation I instinctively reached up and latched on. At first, it was euphoric. My heart accelerated as I wildly realized all the possibilities that could be, where this particular star might take me, and how it could change so much. The ride was exhilarating. Grasping on to that star took me quickly hurtling though the sky, an emotional journey if there ever was one. I was terrified more than once but knew that I needed to keep holding on. After a few days though, I began to feel that it wasn't my star but I couldn't quite let go. This morning without any sort of fanfare, as quickly as I had reached out, the star deposited me safely back where I started, forging ahead to find its rightful owner.

I thought I would feel differently than I do, realizing that the star I had been riding wasn't my own. I thought I would feel disappointed, weary but I'm not. Riding that star for a little while changed my perspective. It lifted me upward so I could see above my own situation, above the fog I before couldn't see through, giving me a clearer vision. While riding that star I saw other stars; ones better suited for me, going in the direction I wanted to go. Now I better realize what my star is going to look like. Riding the wrong star left me feeling more energized than I have been in weeks, knowing that some where in the big wide sky is the exact star that's meant just for me.

I'm more ready than ever, patiently keeping my eyes cast upward, waiting for the precise moment my star flies by so I can reach out and grasp it with both hands. Once I'm hitched to the right star, I know without a doubt that ride will be spectacular.

26 comments:

So really, it was your star that you latched onto. Not exactly the star that would take you on a long-term journey of any sort. But, a star that shook you up, gave you hope, and gently laid you back down. It reminded you that you too have stars to jump on. And make sure you jump on every single star - each one will re-point you in the right direction toward your goal. Wherever that may be.

This reminds me a lot of when I started working with a web design start up. I was so, unspeakably excited. And then a little ways in I realized it wasn't at all what I needed to be doing, it wasn't the right star and I wasn't riding it with the right people, and it was so hard to let go. It involved falling a long way down.

I'm glad that yours set you back exactly where you were, and that it gave you energy to go off chasing the things that you really need. =)

and I've no doubt that your "right" star will be along soon. And that more than likely, there will be several more right stars for you in the coming years. Sometimes we need to fly high to realize what we really do need/want/miss and that makes landing right back where we were worth it in some small way.

How beautifully written :) This reminds me of when I decided to latch on to the idea that I should be able to be a public speaker. The journey has been incredible but I've been put back down, too, with the experience from the journey leading me to a wonderful place where I'm less afraid, but okay in the knowledge that I'm not supposed to be a pubic speaker day and night. I can speak in front of people, now, but it's still less pleasant than I'd like, and I know now it's not my "star". The rides we take are incredible experiences though, and I can't wait to hear about when you find yours, and how even more incredible the journey will be.

Lovely post, as always. I think it's easy for people to get down on themselves when things don't go their way. I like the idea that maybe that opportunity wasn't yours in the first place, but there is another opportunity for you out there. Somewhere. It's a very healthy way to take on the world.

This was so beautifully & eloquently written. I know what you mean - I think we all latch onto stars at certain points in our life - we think it's the right star, but it doesn't end up being the right one, but it's deposits us back in the same place, yet at the same time we are a step closer to finding our right star.

I believe in you, my dear. I know good things are going to come to you. :)

This was so beautifully written and I find this to be so, so true in my own life. For years, I was riding the "teacher" star where I thought my path was to educate the younger generation and show them how to ride their own stars. It's not, but I won't regret the path I took on that star and how it led me to the star I'm riding on now. :)

I'm such a terrible commenter, but I really do read all your posts! This one was so poignant and beautiful. It's so easy to get caught up on everyone else's journeys and stars, that it becomes almost impossible to focus on your own! Your star will come, and it will be everything you could have ever hoped for and more. <3

Welcome!

I'm Mandy and hail from a small town along the Ohio river. I take comfort in books, writing, and my KitchenAid mixer. In October 2011 I uprooted my life and moved to an incredibly rural (though I didn't know it at the time) area in Georgia. This blog is a compilation of my life which includes thoughts I'm currently thinking, self reflections, favorite childhood memories, hopes for the future and everything in between.