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Tuesday, 29 January 2013

So, I've been alittle slack lately with working out, but I've been keeping up with eating right. Life's been kicking me in the ass hard and I really just needed to get out and have some fun and maybe consume some sugary beverages that may have impaired my judgement some. That was my treat. On a high note, even though I started out with a bad day, I made myself hit the gym with the girls. I worked my tush off for an hour and a half and I LOVE how I feel after a good work out, I went grocery shopping after I was done at the gym and I was bouncing around the isles like I was hyped up on energy drinks.
I'm trying to be super positive even though life has been dealing me an awful hand. I have no water at my house...again, I have no money to fix any thing, I have all kinds of free time after being laid off (more time to hit the gym right?...and sleep in, cause who doesn't like to sleep) and I'm not too excited about living out of a suitcase until I have water. BUT I'm still happy, I still have family to let me crash at their houses, I still have good friends, food and I'm alive. Thats what matters. No matter what life throws at me, I will get through it.

I have a weigh in this saturday and I would really like to see some results by then, so I've got a long week at the gym ahead of me.
What's your favorite thing to do at the gym? I LOVE that stepper and I don't think I have ever heard anyone else say that. Maybe I'm the only one. I was never one for weights, but now I've really started to enjoy it.

Friday, 25 January 2013

Gee, I'm not even sure if I should make this post. I feel like such a whiny baby if I do. But life has been straight-up real for just alittle over a month. And really I commend myself for not being in a depressive state right now. I have struggled with depression for over a year now, last year I was in the worse condition I'd ever been in. I wouldn't get out of bed and I just didn't want to face life. The absolutely stupid part of it, was I really had NOTHING to be depressed about other than the fact that I didn't want to live in the city anymore.
Then I take a look at my life right now and think "WTF Robyn...you had it good a year ago!" In the past month I've lost an immediate family member to the sea, left my long term relationship behind (which I was happy about because it was a toxic relationship and he's not the guy I fell inlove with, but I miss who he was before the alcohol), the pipes in my house frozen, I have mice in my house, I just got laid off and it's the first anniversary of a friends death. So this has been an awful month and even though I have my breakdowns I'm in alot better shape than a year ago.

The main reason I am writing this post is to just vent once again. Like I said I hate talking about it or even thinking about it because I feel like I'm whiny and that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I know that I am better off without my ex and who he is now, but alittle less than a year ago I thought we would get back together and stay that way. That things would stick this time and that I wouldn't have to worry. But the longer we were together and the more he drank the less unrealistic that became. I don't hate him and I have forgiven him, but I'm still so hurt. Not even by him but by myself. For planning a future and now having to deal with re-planning and I can't help but plan or try to. And it sounds so cliche, but I don't even know if I believe in love anymore. I've always been a skeptic and a "you love the one your with" type person. But the world is so much colder now, or it seems that way. It's a real miracle when you find a couple that stays together. Faithfulness is a real treasure to find in someone these days and I don't just mean in men.

I've been so lonely and not only do I hate living alone, I HATE that I'm not independent. There are two TOTALLY opposite parts of me. I have this cold, hard, tough side of me that doesn't ever want to feel anything and doesn't want to cry or be vulnerable and then I have the huge baby side of me that wants to do exactly what the other one doesn't. It really makes for a confusing life haha. Like one side of me wants to hate my ex and the other wants to curl into a ball and sob that she's alone and misses him holding her at night. Because really he wasn't all bad. We really did love each other, but in the end it came down to what he decided, I know he didn't understand that he was making ultimate decisions when he chose to do certain things, but those were deal breakers for me. I don't want to be constantly wondering if I can trust him or not, if he's going to be doing this or that behind my back or if he's really telling the truth or if later he's going to trip up in his lies and I'll realize that something was really wrong instead of right. But I really miss having someone there.
I'm the type of person that hates having a void in her life. When something goes missing I want to replace it right away, replace is the wrong word - but I need to fill a hole once something goes missing. Not that I don't want to remember what once was there, but that I can't handle not having it. When I have a pet die, I need to get another one, I need to love something else or have something else love me. And I substitute things - mostly food - for things that go wrong or missing. I hate that I'm that way. I hate that I NEED things. I hate that I can't just accept stuff and move on. So I'm trying really hard not to find a substitute for my ex. I want to be alone for awhile, or one side of me wants to be alone for awhile, when the other side really just wants to mail order a man and marry him. But I'm keeping myself real and off the mail order websites hahaha

As far as being laid off and being on call for work, I'm somewhat glad to have some time to work on my weight loss! I'm hitting the gym hardcore and rocking that shit. I want to be a decent size for summer and be able to be comfortable and have some fun!

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

So I'm not getting as much done and I wanted to be. That doesn't surprise me though, I'm a huge procrastinator, but lately I've only been "abit" of a procrastinator. So improvement is improvement. Plus I caught a cold from my girl at work and I've been a bit hard to motivate through the sneezing and coughing.

This isn't about work or house stuff, this is a Weight Loss Adventure post. A quick one. Because I've been sick and the babies at work aren't feeling that great, I missed today's workout and yesterday I skipped the gym, but walked for over an hour on a field trip with the kids. It wasn't an extensive work out like I've been pushing myself to do, but hey I got outdoors and was active, so I'm still giving myself points. PLUS it was way more fun than the gym. And I'm not counting today as a total fail, because I did eat mostly good things and got some exercise in before making this post, just some stuff I could do in my room, and I went until I got coughing, it's the best I could do. The point there is I'm still trying and pushing myself through this cold. Even if it's not the workout I want to get. Effort counts and I didn't just give in completely.

OH!! and yesterday morning when I weighed myself. I was down 6 pounds from the last time I was weighed at the beginning of december. Still up from when I lost a bunch of weight last winter, but I WILL lose it again. Anyway, I was at 227.9 yesterday morning and this morning I didn't plan to check cause it was just a day, but I was 226.4! I won't be checking again until next week, but I did it for curiosity sake.

Tomorrow I want to get in the gym despite my cold. Even for just a half hour and do some low key stuff. I won't be able to make the gym on Friday, because the memorial is Friday night and it's going to be an extremely hard weekend that I am just not looking forward to. So I want to get atleast one more work out in this week before I get off for my long sad weekend.

I also need to get my wii-fit out and start using that, even as just a tracker rather than the games, although I need to work on my balance. I used to be pretty good, but lately it's been way off. And I need to take my before photos...which I am not looking forward to and will not be posting until I lose enough weight to feel that it's not so embarrassing to post!

But no more being embarrassed about my weight. I am NOT embarrassed that I am trying to change it and I've had my struggles but this time I'm going to win the battle against unhealthy living! :) Corny but true.

Here are some photos!

Yesterday's meal. I've been eating so many veggies/salads and I'm so
proud of myself because I'm a fruit kinda of girl. I like things sweet! I
only ended up eating 2, maybe three bites of steak because I'm not used
to an oven that cooks so fast and it got alittle dry, so Tinka ended up with
quite the supper. She had no complaints lol

Larissa, Dar and I took some of the kids for a walk around the campground and down through the boardwalk.
We walked for over an hour and it was quite the adventure. Bug was the youngest and he did quite well for
himself. Until the end when him and 2 other boys fell in a very cold puddle.

My LoveBug is growing up so fast, off the boards and running through
the woods with the big boys!

Warrin was falling alittle behind. He'd rather hold my hand than risk falling (I say that, but really he spent
more time on his bum than his feet) but when he held my hand he felt alittle better cause he did alot more
sliding on purpose because he knew I had a good grip on him. He's been my right hand man the past couple
of days. What a sweetheart!

Thats all for tonight folks! I guess it was half about work and half about weight, but how can you blame me for talking about these cute little guys! My job and my work kids are my life these days :)

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

I have a few blog ideas that I want to work on and I wish that I could blog more than I do, but finding the time and motivation can be hard sometimes. This post is mostly to keep me on track with projects for work. I need to get some stuff done around the nursery, now that Christmas is over. Still some stuff to un-decorate and then they need to be replaced with other things. I also need to get some advertising done. We have a staff meeting tomorrow. So I will probably write this post tonight and at the bottom finish it off with updates from tomorrows staff meeting before making it public.

Things to do before the 30th or even sooner than that

Take down the Christmas decorations

Do up advertisements (posters/fb group)

Photo forms for parents

Fundraising Ideas

New Recipes?

Start survey's with the older age group

Work on colors with the toddlers

Make sensory pads and slotbox

Do up the build an inside snowman to do with the kids

Work on the video project

and I know there was another but I just forgot it...don't you love when that happens?

Really want to work on colors with the toddles.

slot box

sensory steps

build a snowman inside

Race Track

Surveys

Really loved this poster I saw at a class and really want to attempt
(note I said attempt) to do one myself!

2 days later...(today, the stuff before this was written on the 13th)

So I know I planned to post this last night, but I forgot my mac charger at work, but successfully made it through the night without my laptop! On the other hand the staff meeting was a pretty good success and I really like getting together with everyone to discuss issues and things that work or don't work and how we can fix them. It think it will REALLY help us progress, we're a team, a family even and we're all in it together. We have such an awesome group of workers over there that are fully committed to their jobs. It's really nice!

We've come up with some really good ideas for fundraising, programs, progress of our workplace and positive changes! I'm not going to spoil all of that right now though, as they develop and happen.

I can tell you that I HAVE started the color project I am working on with the toddlers and hopefully I should have it finished and on the wall by thursday. I'm not working Friday because the memorial is that night, so I want to have it done thursday. And had I not had company this evening I could have had the sensory pads done, but I will do that tomorrow night.

I really want to bring kids back to the club! It's such an awesome program and we do so much with the kids. I've heard people call us glorified babysitters and that's just completely offensive. We all have first aid and have our curriculum framework, and we do much more than I ever did with kids when I babysat. Much more goes into what we do than people think. I plan to start making post on what we do and the experiences we give the kids. We have to do "documenting" where we constantly document what the kids do and then present it visual back to the children so they can see what they were doing and remember those experiences. It's one of my favorite things to do, because I get to put my photoshop skills to work!

Anyway, that's it for today! I will try to get another post up before friday, I doubt I will do much blogging over the weekend with the 2 memorial services. Not looking forward to the sadness that's to come again, but we'll keep surviving <3

Monday, 14 January 2013

So, the babies are still napping so I wanted to post a quick positive post about how awesome my workout was today. I mean it's nothing special, because it's only my second one, but I ran alittle bit today and pushed myself to keep going. That's why I am proud of myself today, usually I don't push myself, because I'm afraid of looking silly at the gym. But now that I work with kids and am pretty much used to making myself look like a tool, it didn't bother me. I worked out for an hour and I found some different exercises to try out and now that I'm done my workout I have just as much energy as I do before I go it bed. It's so exciting to me and you know I used to be so afraid of what I looked like when I worked out, but that's not the point of it, I'm over that it's all about how I'm going to look when I've been working out for a couple months!

Eating salads and working out has really made a difference in my attitude and motivation. I think tomorrow I will even take the awful step of weighing myself and doing a "before" photo...duh duh dun!

Sunday, 13 January 2013

I know what you're all thinking. Here's another weight loss post and a year from now she'll make the same one.

I fell off the wagon. Not only did I fall off of it but it dragged me a couple miles and backed up over me. I had lost a good chuck of weight off my body a year ago, but then I got into a relationship, became lazy and didn't really care too much about it anymore. It wasn't the healthiest of relationships so I put some of the blame on it, but ultimately it is my fault. I am the only one that had the control to change my weight and I let go of that control.

So what am I going to do about it? Be 10 times better than I was the last time I lost the weight. The last time I really didn't do too much, just changed my eating, kept track of it and kept busy. I didn't exercise or care too much about how I lost it as long as I lost it. This time as my awesome single self, I am going to do so much more to further my weight loss adventure.
I'm choosing to call it my weight loss adventure partly because journey is way too common and when I use the word adventure I think of something daring and exciting, filled with epic stories and some bad days too. And really that's what my weight loss is all about. I want it to be an adventure, something exciting! So that is what I am going to make it this time.

I will try to have frequent posts about my weight loss adventure, along with "The Recipe Challenge" which will be me trying new recipes. I was a very picking person until I was about 16, and I still find myself eating alot of the same things, partly because it's habit and easier to cook what I know and it might be alittle cheaper because I don't really buy too much. So along with The Recipe Challenge will be my Single With A House / Home-Owning Adventures posts.
I really want to harness my blogging power to help me keep on track with everything, I'm writing this at night before I go to bed, and I tend to have all my energy and optimism at this time of the day. But I'm getting really good at keep on track and organized with my life.

Here are some "weighs" I plan to keep on track with my Weight Loss Adventure

1.

I'm going to start putting Happy and Sad faces on my calendar
at the end of the day. Hoping that there will be more good days
than bad to encourage me to keep going and make progress!

2.

Make something like this that can keep track

3.

Each time I work out I put a dollar in the jar. (maybe
even a toonie) But point is I don't believe in food
rewards. I am not a dog, plus I know that there will be
days when my eating isn't all that healthy, so I don't
want to encourage that. I have rewards like new clothes
and a new tattoo in a place that may not have been so
attractive when I'm this heavy.

4.

I want TRY to plan my meals a week even a month in advance. To hopefully help
out my wallet, weight and organizing.

5.

Keep researching exercises, tips, recipes and more to keep me going.

6.

Eat alot of salad. I'm not a big fan of salads, but I find when I
pretend I do or even be optimistic about eating them they
taste better. I want to try different salad recipes and try to eat
clean. I may even try a cleanse too.

7. Stay Inspired! Read about others going through the same thing or ones that have already reached their goal and how they stay there.

this girl kinda reminds me of myself (her before) that's
about the same look I have (a bit heavier) but DAMN
wouldn't I love to have the same outcome!! She's smokin!
and didn't lose all her boobs! I have a fear of losing my
boobs.

I love when I can see faces in before and after photos, partly because sometimes I feel like they can be fake, but
when you can see their face you KNOW that they kicked weights ass. I also like when I see more than 1
year between the photos, because it makes me feel realize that I'm not the only one that either can't lose weight
in 6 months and they too struggled at it, and some of us just have to work harder to lose it and wait longer
for it to happen.

8. Photos of what I would like to look like! Don't get me wrong I would love to be skinny (skinny healthy, not skinny skinny) but that's not what I am shooting for at the moment. I am shooting for juicy healthy. toned healthy. Because to be honest I like being "juicy" and "curvy" I'm torn between being skinny or being a toned plus size like these girls.

I would LOVE to look like this woman right here. THIS is what I am shooting
for! and I like she is the most gorgeous woman I have seen! And this is the
body that I would love to have.

Friday, 11 January 2013

This is my first year saying "back to work" instead of "back to school" after the Christmas holidays, I have to say that I much more enjoy going back to work rather than school. But just like it was for school getting back into a routine isn't easy. I almost wish the break wasn't so long yet I wish I had more time now.

After the accident getting back to work was really what I needed, I seriously believe that these kids have magical happy power, because their cuddles, silliness, and even their bad behaviour have a way of making you feel happy again. And then getting back into a routine and having something to do for most of the day really helps and you know the whole payment things really helps after 3 weeks of being broke. Starting a savings fund is really going to have to be a priority this year!

Back to the kids, I only had 2.5 days of work this week, but it felt like a full week because we did so much and had so much fun!

The first day back was really good, I worked the morning, went to the gym for an hour with some friends on my lunch break, which made me soooo energetic in the afternoon at work, I had a late lunch in the classroom which was a salad I thought this might keep the kids out of it, but nope they were all on board the healthy train. When I told them what things were they would say I don't like that and I would be all "WHAT?! These are the best things ever!" and "You have to try it it's just sooooo good" even if I really didn't care for it myself, because I really want to promote healthy eating with kids because I was WAY to picky as a child. Eventually they were all picking out of my bowl and even though I got half a lunch it was fun having them all try to sit on my lap and crowd around my little salad picking out carrot pieces, radishes and cabbage. Then in the late afternoon the kids and I built a snowman, a small one, but still a snowman. Thursday really wasn't too exciting, but today we were all about the photoshoots and videos. They wanted me to take pictures all day, eventually my phone went dead and around 330 I brought out the mac and we went through all the photos we had taken, watched a couple videos of my kitten and then started to use photobooth.

couldn't keep their little fingers out of it

blueberry crisp, my FAVORITE snack on my first day back

helping write some stuff down, she was excited to got to use a real pen

what a character this little guy is, below is him when he got tired.

My girl, doesn't much care for the snow, she usually picks a place to sit
and stays there until I pick her up.

our poor little snowman

So happy to be back with my main man!

He got a kick out of leaving slobber marks on my jeans

Bug didn't much care for the loves Jackson wanted to give him lol
#cousinlove