i have but only in immediate response ("What would my [very religious] mother say if she could hear you?" "Do you know how offensive that sounds to me?"), which is usually when i'm pissed and she's all self-congratulatory, so i can be sure she's not taking things in. The whole shooting-jesus-in-the-face is because of my tendency to repeat my gramma's pronouncements ("Jesus on a Bicycle!" or in this case "Even if Jesus appears and dances on the kitchen table, you still have to do your homework.") and that's her i-hate-homework kind of response.

this summer vacation, one of my goals is to try to be a better parent. i feel like during the year i don't even have time to think intelligently about how to respond, she's ALMOST GROWN UP, etc etc. [panic panic]

as for the religious thing- the catholic kids are doing catechism at this age, or something, but it's not so common in her school. this school doesn't allow any religious crepe to creep in, unlike the last one, so i can be pretty sure there is no insidious nastiness (at the last one there was a catholic influence, at one point i needed to ask that she not be required to go to some lecture by a priest). there is one teacher who is a vocal evangelical, though, and i know the children seem to enjoy tormenting her (cruelly, i might add, which i think is age typical). however, if the woman told me i'd be going to hell, i'd probably not be super respectful either. so perhaps that's where this came from.

Here comes advice, so feel free to ignore it if you do not want advice :)

Have you taken the time to really listen to what her beliefs are? Like not just telling her when not to express her beliefs, but really sitting down and being like, "Hey, I am interested in your beliefs, please tell me more about them" without questioning or challenging them? I ask this because I know quiiiiiiiiite a few Quaker (and other religiously oriented) parents whose children have found themselves to be atheists or a different religious orientation from their parents, and the thing that always seems to be most effective for (a) maintaining a good relationship between the parent and child and (b) guiding the child to behave respectfully toward other people whose beliefs are different is when the parent really takes the time to hear, understand, and respect the child's beliefs. I think that will actually be more effective than you telling her how she should behave, especially if the way she's asserting her beliefs is intentionally to be rebellious at the moment. If she senses that you genuinely care about her beliefs and are interested in them, she probably won't need to act out and shove them in people's faces. I bring this up because I've seen many Quaker parents who put so much energy into instructing their children how to respect other people's beliefs and forget to model (what I think of as) the very first step, which is to really listen without judgement to what another person's (in this case, the child's) beliefs are.

_________________Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnationblog!FB!

i think this is a very wise approach, CQ; i know from basic talking that her first response to this is "i'm an atheist and i believe we all die forever" but i think this kind of question should get her thinking a bit more about her, herself, instead of just the "OMG isn't it fun to watch how freaked people get" sort of superficial joy that is what she is sure of so far.this is not to say that she needs to grow or change her beliefs, but that maybe she hasn't really considered them too deeply herself, likely because she hasn't been encouraged to express them.

And since I'm surrounded by kind, intelligent people who are full of great ideas, I have a confession/vent.

All my child talks about is zombie anime. Nothing else (well, maybe some murder anime, or bacterial contamination anime). And I'm just not really interested. I'm trying, I have tried, and I can talk with regards to cultural stuff in anime, but now it's all just zombie anime, and to be really honest i'd rather talk about the Patriots (which is pretty painful for me as well).We've gone back to the stage where all your three-year-old talks about is Thomas the Tank Engine, and you want to bang your head against the wall because OMFG i am so sick of thomas, can we PLEASE talk about something else.I try to be patient, and at least pretend to be interested, but I feel terrible because I'm *pretending* to be interested. I can feel myself zoning out the way I used to in Chemistry class where the whole world shrinks to a small black point and then I snap awake again with her giving me the stink eye, asking if i am paying attention (please tell me there isnt going to be a test on this).I'm hoping that she will move on from zombie anime to something else, anything else..... [yes, i know the next thing will be even worse. and i should be thankful it's zombie anime and not, oh, donkey pronz. i know this.]

/vent, just a vent, but i feel terrible. I am sure that she is also bored to tears by everything that comes out of my mouth.

Oh torque. I feel this sooooo hard. Shae talks about soccer 24/7. I feel like my head will implode from it most days. It's absolutely amazing that there is so much that he can possibly say about it and I actually like soccer!!! I try my best to engage but sometimes I'll just sit there and watch YouTube videos with him instead (of soccer tricks), because at least I know the proper response to that.

It's really amazing how much teenagers are like toddlers. No one ever told me this.

I am anti-complaining [in the wrong thread, so shoot me]. I had a fantastic day with FC yesterday, bra-shopping, of all things, which usually makes me a disaster, and we had a really good time, we spent 3 hours in a store trying on things and laughing and had a really good conversation about why bra shopping makes me a wreck (anything female-related was a shame subject in my family growing up, bras were the worst).

I've never heard of the movie or seen this poster, but when I first saw your post, I thought you had photoshopped a picture of Leela into the picture. Then I realized that was actually the unaltered poster. Amazing!

_________________Ain't no guarantees in life, and nothing that comes out of my vagina can change that. - Erika Soyf*cker

Can someone get my oldest a plan and some duct tape to stick to it? I am so tired of the back and forth and the wishy washy b.s. I know that technically he is a grown-ass adult (not quite 19 yet), but he is acting 12 and it is driving me crazy.

Can someone get my 10-year-old to knock off this whiny, entitled, jerky business? It is going. to. kill. me. I find it so grinding. It just wears me down. This kid is so easily insulted, anything can cause umbrage. (Telling him he can do something he insists he can't do? That's insulting. How do you win?!) The latest (not that it's new) is bedtime and sleep issues. He insists he can't get himself to sleep and that he needs my help. He demands my help. He yells at me if I refuse. Which isn't an effective way to get me to do something. It makes me want to run away.

He is almost 19, dropped out of school, because of his ADD and possibly has an undiagnosed depression disorder. He needs more help than I can give him, but won't help us help him. And it becomes a horrible cycle. A cycle made worse by the people he is hanging out with. He is dangerously close to being kicked out, because he won't do for himself a damned thing. He is absolutely the kid who slips through the cracks. Begged the school to help all four years, nothing. Begged the doctor, nothing unless we want him on meds (which with tandem treatments would be fine but no one would help with that). I just am at the end of my rope and am sick of the system.

kfad, that's so hard. my mom went through this with my sister and it wasn't immediately evident to me (til my own kid started getting older) how incredibly difficult this is for the parents. It's very easy for people to say you should to this and that but the vast majority of comments just do not help.Hang in there. [my mom got a safe, and at one point was carrying her purse around on her body, in the house, with the passports, wallets, and good drugs in the purse because even the safe seemed to be compromised.]

My 10-year-old teen/preschooler came home from a friend's having played on the computer for 5–6 hours. He wanted more computer time, so he could try out some stuff he learned about. I said no, 5 hours is enough. He complained and whined and told me he'd punish me. I suggested we play a game in the basement. All was well until he remembered his grievance. When he heard no again, he started sulking. I asked if he wanted to quit playing. "Yes," he said, got up, turned the light off, and left. I said, "Can you please turn that back on?" (I was now sitting in a dark basement, trying to pick up all the stuff from the game we'd been playing.) "No. I did that to make a point."

Why is it that my 12 year old cannot use a polite tone ever? It is all snark all the time. And the literal temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way are worse than when she was 2. I get that this last couple of months have been really hard. But she cannot keep this up.