Is TV evangelist and exorcist extraordinaire Bob Larson so down on his luck that he’s resorted to making house calls? Or is there a sudden and overwhelming demand of late for bogus exorcisms from callous grifters preying on the old and ignorant? I don’t know, but if you watch Larson’s TV commercial for his new house call business, you’d think pretty much the entire population is in desperate need of Larson’s soft touch to rid themselves of demons or other common household spiritual entities. The commercial is so ridiculous and comical it almost comes off as a Tim and Eric sketch or a commercial parody from Idiocracy.

As one woman named Rachel claims in the video, “...he already saw the demon within me before it was revealed I had Jezebel. Bob Larson’s amazing ability that he’s gifted with… I thank Bob Larson and most importantly I thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

Break family curses at the root! Discover the cause of destructive habits and addictions. Get rid of demons. Uncover hindering issues. Be healed of infirmities. No pastor, priest, or counselor has dealt with more spiritually bound people and seen them set free. This isn’t counseling. This isn’t therapy. This is intervention to get answers NOW! Your lifetime of suffering will end. Your torment will stop.

~snip

Need help right where you are? Is your house haunted? Are you unable to travel? Bob makes house calls. If you can’t get to Bob, he will get to you [emphasis added].

You better believe he will!

There are so many amazing one-liners and golden nuggets of fucking idiocy in this video that I don’t even know where to begin. You’ll just have to watch this craptastic commercial to understand what I’m talking about. The idea that there’s a commercial on TV like this in the year 2014 is just mind-boggling! By 2505, sure, but 2014?

Sometimes I feel it’s difficult to explain America to people who have never been here.

These folks need to be seeking the help of a professional doctor, and not a witch-doctor like Bob Larson.

Below, “Lillian”:

Meet “Drake”:

Here’s “Heather”:

Larson’s a total fraud, obviously, offering online demonic possession tests and fleecing the faithful fools that would flock to such a mockery of common sense, but Larson himself is often the target of hysterical lampooning, such as this marvelous moment from Marc Wootton’s brilliant, but little known Showtime series La La Land (Currently not even on DVD or NetFlix! What’s that all about?):

TV and radio “exorcist” Bob Larson’s daughter, Brynne, is now a second-generation demon rebuker herself, along with two of her girlfriends and now Pastor Larson—who has never, ever, been accused of being a fraud or of taking advantage of mentally ill people for financial gain, uh uh, no, not this guy—is trying to sell a TV reality show about them. They’re just “normal girls who do something extraordinary for God.” Well, God and $$$.

So far it looks like um… “enterprising” Papa Larson—who seems to have successfully eluded the laws of karma in this incarnation—is having some good luck with ABC News and Good Morning America picking up on the story. Via Jezebel:

Brynne (daughter of Larson), Savannah and Tess probably look like the girls who were shitty to you in high school (though Savannah was alright that one time you ran into her at The Gap and she was with her mom), but it turns out that they are also pretty good at bullying demons and banding together to form the perfect reality TV package. They are currently shopping around a show that will document their lives, but don’t you dare imply that they’re exploiting people who are at best simple and at worst mentally ill: To ABC reporter Dan Harris, Pastor Larson says, “You’re paid handsomely. So is anybody who has a responsible position in the public eye. And we have to fund what we do.”

Bob Larson, world-renowned “exorcist” and Christian radio/TV host (and flaming asshole), began his career in the 1960s denouncing demonic rock music and “leftists.” He later incorporated “Dungeons & Dragons” and demonic possession into his “act.”

Now Bob Larson is offering an online “demon test” for the low, low price of just $9.95. He’s even trademarked the name “Demon Test®”!

From his website (which I refuse to link to):

Taking the Demon Test® may be the most important spiritual decision you make. This Test is the result of more than 30 years of research and thousands of hours in personal ministry with troubled souls. Through this vast experience we have been able to design this test so that we may quickly determine an individual’s spiritual condition.

If you are concerned about your test score, we highly recommend that you schedule personal one-on-one time with Bob Larson. You may choose a one-hour Encounter Session or a full or half-day Intensive Session. These sessions are held during Bob’s on-the-road seminars (please click here to review Bob’s current schedule) or at our Center for Spiritual Freedom in Phoenix Arizona.

In one hour you can begin living the life you’ve always wanted. Let Bob Larson, the man who has dealt with more demons than anyone on the planet, show you how to overcome every obstacle of every day. Stop the cycles of failure, poverty and sickness. Break family curses at the ROOT! Discover why you are the way you are and immediately change destructive habits. If you have demons, you’ll be delivered. If you have issues, they’ll be uncovered. If you have infirmities, the healing will begin. No pastor, priest, or counselor has dwelt with more spiritually bound people sad seen them set free. This isn’t counseling. This isn’t therapy. This is intervention to get answers NOW! Your lifetime of suffering can end. Your torment can stop. The job you need, the relationships you desire will be within your reach. The choice is simple—stay stuck or move on to spiritual fulfillment and success in every area of life. Get free, stay free, and live free!

The first step on your journey to a new life begins with the Demon Test®. To contact us, please call 303-980-1511 or click here to send an email indicating your interest in a personal Session with Bob.

That was his idea to post his own phone number on the Internet, not mine. Christ can I imagine some fun things to prank call Bob Larson with. It used to happen all the time on his radio show. He’s practically inviting it here (If anyone does “engage him” like that, post it on YouTube and be sure to let us know).

In the clip below from the Showtime series La La Land, dodgy TV psychic “Shirley Ghostman” (played by Marc Wootton, who I rate a godlike comedic genius) visits Bob Larson at his home in Glendale, California. This clip is bust-a-gut funny until you realize that this guy makes well over a million dollars a year from gullible people with mental issues.