Okay, I've done some thinking while I was at work about my past relationships and such...they've always ended because I've ended them not the other way around. I came to the conclusion last night that I am TERRIFIED of getting hitched and having kids because I am afraid that I will mess things up and my kids will blame themselves. I know that I will not be able to mess anything up if I do not even try to have a relationship with anyone - my longest relationship was 17 months and it was also my worst one. My ex (who actually apologized to me last night after having grown up and moved on) would get drunk and call me a slut and a whore and accuse me of sleeping with everyone we knew (not when we were together of course). then I would get drunk and start beating him up...well, hitting him and bruising myself more. Everytime it would happen I would just say "I'll leave him after the next time" and so on and so forth. Then it became "It will stop once we're both civilians"...either way it didn't stop and I broke it off. Don't get me wrong I'm happy with my single life now since I'm working toward a gol that I have wanted for a long time, but I desperately want a family so badly it's not even funny. I have made a goal for myself though and that is to not go any further than kissing someone unless I can see us being in a relationship for an extended period of time. (wish I did that a long time ago haha)

I believe that the reason that I am afraid of commitment is that my biological father is on his second marriage, my biological mother is on her fourth (first and last to the same man) and my adoptive mother is on her third marriage (granted she left the first two for good reason). When I get married I just want to do it once and I do not want to have it end...I'm not saying that I'll be the one to mess it up, but I've had enough of broken families for a lifetime. The only good thing about it is that I have a huge family who loves me

Well, thank you for listening to me rant about one of my fears. I hope I didn't bring you down too badly :/

At least it is a beautiful day out and the birds are chirping

Thanks again y'all, you're the best!! That's one of the things that I like about this site, you do not judge and accept people for who they are faults and all!

I'm 27 and there were 6 years between the end of my Associates Degree and the start towards my Bachelor's so I totally get the weirdness of being older than normal college students. But all of my classes are online so I haven't had the classroom experience of being in the same class as people much younger than me. But it is strange, most of the people I know who are my age are done with school and into their professional lives. It's weird I feel so behind sometimes, but I guess better late than never! I also wasn't really ready for college right out of high school, the years between degrees allowed me time to mature and realize how important education really was to me. Although this semester and the last I have struggled it is more from trying to juggle a full-time job and school, a well as trying to take on too much school without enough breaks. But I still am just as determined to complete my education and learn more, I just need to space it out a bit better

I think a lot of us have fears about bringing children into the world and ruining them, I mean raising a new human being and trying to guide them in the right direction is a huge responsibility and scary as hell! I worry about that all the time, for different reasons. But I think if everyone who ever worried about that refrained from procreation it would impact society negatively - the only people procreating would be the less-thoughful/less-nurturing individuals who are more likely to neglect the important developmental needs required to create functional members of society. I think because of the fact that you do worry and care about the outcome of your children's social and psychological development shows that you are the kind of person that will do just fine as a parent.