You totally hate Justin Bieber, right, because you're a rebel, or whatever? That's just because you haven't listened to Bieber slowed down 800 percent. Now his new single "U Smile" is a 30-minute epic. And it sounds awesome. No, really.

Courtesy of musician Nick Pittsinger, who used the free program Paulstretch, this is "U Smile" made slower. Like, a lot slower—eight times slower, to be exact. And all of a sudden the not-bad piano pop track sounds like the climactic score to some kind of historical epic, or Dead Can Dance, or, like, Animal Collective, or something. It sounds like the ocean, but, like, in heaven, man. Plus, it's 35 minutes long:

Someone needs to get that on Pure Moods V. You can download it here, for the next time you're super stoned and don't have the Gladiator soundtrack with you.

And here's the original, for comparison:

Update: Just to be clear: This is not a hoax! Some of you have been emailing to say that this is actually a track named "Echoes Across the Astral Wasteland" by a band called Photon Wave Orchestra. Well, it's not—speed up the track eightfold and you'll hear "U Smile" (really, you can hear the chords and lyrics to "U Smile" if you listen to the slowed-down track). And check the "released" date on Photon Wave Orcestra's site. I guess it's a counter-hoax? But either way: This is 35 epic minutes of Justin Bieber.