Top 10 Stupidest Ways Criminals Got Themselves Caught

Criminals are kind of stupid. I mean, breaking the law doesn’t exactly scream genius, unless of course you get away with it, which rarely happens. Then again, you’re not reading this list to read about a bunch of criminals who got away with it, you want to read about criminals got themselves captured in just the dumbest ways possible. For example:

10. Caught Updating Facebook Post-Crime

Millions of us use Facebook, so it’s only natural to assume that criminals would use it too. In fact you’ve probably heard several stories of criminals who did things like leaving their Facebook logged in from inside the house they just robbed, or adding photos to the Facebook page of the person whose phone they just stole. But the crown goes to Mexican criminal Maxi Sopo, who continued to update his Facebook after being accused of bank fraud. That’s not stupid on its own; it’s not like he had some former justice official on his friends list…ah wait, he did. Yeah, that guy deserved to be arrested.

9. Google Maps Accidentally Photographing Your Crime

Google Maps has made walking into Mordor way simpler than any of us ever thought possible. Its street view function is probably their crowning achievement, accomplished by driving along every road in the world, with huge cameras on top of their cars. Remember that as you read this next story. Two teenagers were caught and arrested for robbing another teenager of his bike and phone. Unluckily for them, they committed the crime at the exact same time a Google photo car drove past. It’s not even like those things are subtle, have you seen one before? Those teenagers may as well have taken the bike, and rode it straight to the police station.

8. Leaving A Pizza Behind

If you’ve ever seen Storage Wars, you’ll know that storage units can be a treasure trove of human bric-a-brac. If you’ve never seen it before, go watch it on Youtube right now; don’t worry about work or being told off, just tell your boss you’re watching Storage Wars and then nod very slowly. He’ll understand. However, one of the things about storage units is that the things contained in them are normally quite heavy. Nothing sates the ache of a bad back caused by stealing other people’s heavy stuff quite like a pizza. Just remember though, if you ever plan on stealing something and then order a pizza, don’t leave your address on the box. Cops can read, and they can use GPS.

7. Writing Your Name On The Wall

Graffiti is an odd thing. Depending on how good you are at drawing, it can either be an awesome piece of art, or a crudely-drawn human phallus. Well, a phallus may not be pretty but, unless you draw your own, it’s not going to get you caught. Something that will get you caught though, is writing your name on the wall of the place you’re currently in the middle of vandalizing British teenager Peter Addison did exactly that and, with that kind of brain power, it’s actually surprising he managed to write it in anything other than his own urine, let alone spell it correctly.

6. Your Infamous Cross-Eyed Stare

Back in 2011, Britain was struck by some of the worst violence and riots the country had ever seen; fires and break ins were reported up and down the country. One such fire (which caused over 1 million pounds worth of damage) was started by one Andrew Burls. Police knew this because Mr. Burls had an incredibly distinctive gaze. He initially denied the crime, but he couldn’t ignore the evidence that was staring him right in the face, as well as the face of the guy next to him. Well, at least Burls can keep one eye on his back as he spends the next eight years in jail.

5. Reporting Something As Stolen, That Was In Your Pocket

If you are robbed, you can always be rest assured that the police will do everything in their power to return your stolen goods too you. Then we have those naughty people who report things stolen that actually aren’t, perhaps in the hopes of getting another one for free, because we all know that insurance companies have infinite money and stuff they’re just hiding from us, the public. This exact ruse is what one South African tried with cops, claiming his phone was robbed at gun point. However the police, not being idiots, decided to ring the phone first, only to have the supposedly missing-phone vibrate and ring right in front of them. Smooth.

4. Leaving Footprints In The Snow

The police aren’t stupid. I’ve seen CSI; I know the kind of things they’re capable of. This is exactly why I’ll never install a black light in my bedroom. Sometimes though, the criminals really don’t try that hard to get away, like the criminals who robbed a place immediately following a snow storm. Catching the crook was a simple matter for the police, who followed a trail of footsteps to some tire tracks, which led them to their man. This proves that Metal Gear Solid is awesome for teaching people how to avoid being caught; the obvious next step is for all criminals to carry oversized cardboard boxes.

3. Having Too Much Swag

I’ve been told that swag is the art of being really cool, despite the fact I’ve always thought it stood for “Someone Without A Girlfriend“. Regardless, this criminal had too much of it. So much so, that he was immediately recognized for his fancy dance moves by his own mother. We can only hope his stay in prison gives him another reason to have an odd way of walking.

2. Because You Tattooed The Crime Scene On Your Chest

Criminals are known for having tattoos, whether it be the classic tear drop showing you’ve killed a guy, or a tramp stamp to show that you’ve killed your parents’ sense of respect for you. Anthony Garcia went one better than all of these though, and tattooed an entire crime scene on his chest, effectively turning his chest into the very piece of evidence that could convict him. Although it’s well known that gang members will use tattoos to bolster their credentials, they’re usually smart enough to use some sort of code. Note the use of the term “usually” there, however.

1. Your Crippling WOW Addiction

World of Warcraft is apparently a great game. I wouldn’t know, I prefer Tekken. One thing that proves how addictive it is though, is the fact that there was a criminal caught, purely because he wouldn’t log off. Despite the fact he’d already gotten away with his crime, and was in an entirely new country, Alfred Hightower kept on raiding with his level 80 Tauren Shaman, eventually resulting in him being caught, presumably because he hadn’t moved in three months while grinding up to that level.

With regards to number 3 – I recall my first ever night spent as a Policeman, many years ago.
I was out on patrol with a colleague, about 3am, in a quiet little English town. As we drove past the towns industrial estate, a big white van lumbered over the verge in front of us, with burst tyres, and the driver totally unable to control it.
It stopped in front of us, and the driver decamped. He and an accomplice had burgled a transformer winding company, and had stolen several drums of very heavy copper wire. The van couldn’t take the weight, and so he hadn’t been able to get away from the scene.