Jamie Danielle

Choosing a housekeeper can sometimes be stressful—how do you know if you can trust a stranger to take care of your house? There can be lots of missed red flags when you don’t know the right questions to ask. On top of that, body language can send very important signals for you to tell whether the potential housekeeper is the right one for your needs.

What questions should you ask?

Make sure that you tell them what you really need in a housekeeper. This is also to avoid getting into arguments with your housekeeper and hearing them say, “But it was not in the job description.” We recommend you think through what you need them to do in your house. You can be specific and say you need someone to clean the toilet, kitchen sink, garage, etc. In short—you have to inform the potential housekeeper so they know what they’re getting themselves into. And then you can ask if they can handle it in the number of hours that they will be working and in the budget range that you have in mind.

Ask them how they would do things. One sample question you can throw at them is to give them a specific situation that they would have to solve themselves. That way, you’ll have an idea of how quickly and imaginatively they think and how far they can improvise.

Try to find out if they’ve done similar jobs in the past. In a housekeeping job, experience may not be as big of a factor. However, you can throw questions related to housekeeping to know if they can actually do the job. Ask them if they have cleaned bigger houses before or what kind of tasks they have done in their previous housekeeping jobs. If the applicant has no experience, ask why you should hire them or what sets them apart from other applicants. You need to get a sense of motivation to make sure they won’t laze around in your house all day.

Their schedule has to fit your schedule. This is highly important when deciding on a housekeeper. Is he/she flexible enough, or do you have a fixed schedule that you want her to follow? And when you do need her in case of emergency, how long will it take her to get to your place? Hiring someone who is close by might be a better choice.

What other things should you consider before hiring a housekeeper?

Do some background checks and ask for references. It may sound very strict, but we all know it’s not easy to tell whether someone is lying or not. When you’ve confirmed with a previous employer that the potential housekeeper has done a good job before, then you’ll be more comfortable and relaxed working with them.

Check what cleaning supplies they use. If you have kids or important furniture in your house, make sure that your next housekeeper isn’t using harmful products. If you have your own supplies, ask them if they know how to use or apply them on certain kinds of material.

It happens in the blink of an eye. One minute you’re changing your baby’s diaper and yearning for just a moment’s peace, and the next moment you’re preparing the guest bedroom for a visit from your now-adult child. How did that happen?

Your kids will always be your kids no matter if they’re just learning to crawl, heading off for their first day of college or changing their own little one’s diapers. But as your children get older, you no longer have to worry about making all of their decisions or setting boundaries to keep them safe. Of course, that doesn’t mean you stop worrying about them.

“Once a parent always a parent and yet what the word ‘parent’ means shifts as kids mature and become adults,” says Kathy Taberner, one-half of the mother/daughter team that founded the Institute of Curiosity, an organization that strives to help families navigate difficult conversations.

As your kids mature, your relationship with them needs to mature as well. Here are tips for having a great relationship with your adult children.

Listen to your Adult Children

A 2014 poll of young adults from researchers at Clark University in Massachusetts found that young adults today stay in frequent contact with their parents, with 37 percent of 25- to 39-year-olds talking to their parents at least once a day and 85 percent checking in once a week. “Even after they no longer rely on their parents for financial support, parents remain among the most important people in the emotional lives of established adults,” says Clark University research professor of psychology and poll director Dr. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett.

As your children become adults, what they need from you more than anything is emotional support. So be prepared to listen and to share in the experiences of their lives.

Show some respect

“Although parents still want to be part of their children’s lives, they also need to know how to support them so they show they believe in their kids,” says Taberner.

When your kids were little, you may have grown accustomed to having the final word in any disagreements you have with your child. But now that they’re all grown up, it’s more important than ever to show your kids that you respect their viewpoint — even when you don’t agree.

Accept their partners

This may be the toughest thing you ever have to do as a parent. If your child is lucky enough to find a partner with whom to share his life, it’s likely he now will turn to that person for help in making big decisions, handling conflicts or sharing good news. It can be hard to move to the backseat when you spent so many years as the driver in your child’s life. Sure, you may wish that your child’s partner had a better job, spent less time at work or had fewer tattoos, but your job is to keep those opinions to yourself and love and support your child as he moves on to this phase of his life.

“The one exception is when you believe they are in peril, for example a substance problem or an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend,” says Arnett. “Then you need to make your opinion and advice known, whether they like it or not (and they probably will not). It may not do much good, but you have to do what you can,” he added.

Keep your opinions to yourself

When you spend the first years of your child’s life making decisions for her about what clothes she should wear, what foods she should eat and what activities will fill her day, it can be difficult to break away from that role. But as Susan Groner, The Parenting Mentor, points out, “the major difference between parenting young children and adult children is that you should no longer be telling your kids what to do or even offering suggestions as to what they should do and/or how they should do it.”

The last thing adult children want to hear from their parents is anything even bordering on judgement, so “no unsolicited advice!” says Groner.

Find new ways to connect

When your kids were little, you had complete control over family activities. But now that your children are older, you need to take cues from them to find new ways to connect and communicate. You certainly don’t have to pretend to like bungee jumping, vegan-fusion cooking or their favorite band if you truly don’t. In fact, your new experiences can be as simple as regular dinners at a favorite restaurant.

But hey, if you’re up for it, now is a good time to step out of your comfort zone to try different experiences and find new ways to bond with your children. So maybe sign up for that 5K or Tae Kwan Do class together. You never know what might happen!

Heading out on the town is something we might take for granted before we have children, but once that first bundle of joy arrives everything changes. New parents often feel like they’re abandoning their child – even if it is only for a few hours. Those that are well off can afford to hire a nanny, but that doesn’t mean they feel good about it. Hiring a qualified service with a strong reputation for hiring the best people can make the transition a lot easier.

Finding and Hiring Your First Sitter

Hiring your first sitter on your own is a daunting task. A good parent doesn’t want to leave their small baby with just anyone, but they also don’t have the time or expertise to perform a full background check. If you have enough disposable income, there are great services that can do the legwork for you, such as Not Just Baby Sitters (NJBS), which specializes in catering to wealthy and influential clients in New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.

This type of service may be the next best thing to having your mother-in-law living close by. Instead of hiring the neighbour’s teenage daughter or someone you’re even less familiar with, parents who use this type of service are hiring an actual professional. It’s stressful enough leaving your baby alone for the first time. Leaving them with someone that has all the right credentials can help with peace of mind.

Reputation

If you do opt for a company like NJBS, it’s important to learn as much as you can about their background. Unfortunately, just about anyone can create a professional looking website these days so that shouldn’t be your only criteria. A good place to start is an online search to try to establish their reputation. A service that’s been around for a while should have plenty of online feedback.

Word of mouth is another good way to learn about a babysitting services background. If you have a friend, family member, or neighbour that’s used a professional service before they may have some valuable insight that will make your decision a little easier.

If you’ve done a bit of homework into a service and you don’t like what you’ve heard, it’s normally a good idea to trust your instincts. According to Red Cross statistics, 55 percent of parents end up staying home because they’re just not happy with the options available to them.

Screening

What really sets a service such as the one offered by NJBS apart is the intensive screening process they put all of their employees through. It doesn’t matter if you’re hiring a sitter for a night on the town, or a live in nanny – they all go through the same rigorous process.

The overwhelming majority of parents also want a babysitter that’s certified in CPR and First Aid in case of emergency. The teenager next door may have these qualifications, but there are no guarantees. With a professional service, you may pay extra, but the person looking after your child will be trained in these essential life saving techniques.

Background Checks

There are many ways to tell if an agency really has the best interests of its clients in mind and it goes beyond hiring employees with CPR and First Aid. A good company will also know a lot about the background of each one of their employees.

At NJBS, each potential applicant must fill out a comprehensive application, they must be college educated, and they must be willing to go through a full background check. They’re also required to complete an essay so that the company can gain a little insight into their personality. If they fail in any area, they aren’t hired.

Satisfied Clients and Nanny’s

Even knowing that a sitter has gone through such a careful hiring process may still not be enough to convince some parents of young children that it’s all right to spend an evening away from their child. They still have to feel comfortable with the person they’re hiring. That’s why a professional service is probably a better option if it’s in your budget.

NJBS for example, sits down with individual clients and presents several different options. The client then gets to interview the potential sitter themselves to find out if they feel right. No matter how qualified a sitter is they still have to have a personality that the parent feels comfortable with. Otherwise that perfect night out is likely to turn into a nightmare of worry and stress.

It’s Okay to Have Fun

Having a baby is a life-changing event and it should be a positive one. That doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t be able to have a little personal time occasionally. They can only do that if they feel comfortable leaving their newborn with a babysitter and by hiring a professional babysitting service with a reputation for quality that is possible.

I had a nanny for several years and she was awesome. Having someone on payroll allowed me to work from home and start my career as a parenting expert. When my kids went off to school full time, I had to let our beloved nanny go, which was difficult because she was an integral part of our family.

But sometimes there is a blurry boundary between what nannies provide in a family and our roles and responsibilities as parents. Wonderfully loved and competent nannies are desirable, but it also means we are more likely to rely on them too much.

After all, the kids are having a good time and being looked after, while you’re able to go about your business. But without being aware, we can accidentally slide down a slippery slope until we are so dependent on our nannies that instead of providing much needed family help, we allow the presence of a nanny to deteriorate how healthy families should function.

So, to help you avoid this, here are six signs you have fallen into the nanny dependency rabbit hole:

You’re secretly jealous of the nanny

You may find yourself experiencing unpleasant feelings of jealousy because the nanny seems to be emotionally closer to your children and their friends and teachers than you are. You may begin to feel like an outsider to your own family.

This feeling, while understandable, is not healthy, so if you do feel jealous, ask yourself what can be done to get rid of these feelings in a healthy manner. It may be that you’re not spending as much time with the kids as you want to, and while this is perfectly normal and fine, it may mean that you should try to spend a bit more quality time with your little ones instead of relying on the nanny to be there all the time.

Your kids aren’t learning to be independent and responsible

If your school-aged children still expect someone to clear their plate from the table, or hang up their coats after they dump them on the floor, it could be that they are still reliant on the care their nanny provides.

Rather than letting this happen (after all, it’s not fair for the nanny nor for the kids), as parents we should be taking this time to educate them on managing their responsibilities on their own. We all want our kids to grow up to be self-sufficient and thoughtful.

You have to consult your nanny about everything

If you have to ask for a lot personal information about your children, like what they want for their birthday, if they like chocolate or vanilla cake, and who to invite to their party, you may be a bit too dependent on the nanny. These are questions a nanny should be asking you, not the other way around.

You’re debating hiring a second nanny for the baby that is due
Believe me — you do not need to have one nanny per child in the household. Unless you are royalty or Beyoncé, your children can absolutely share a nanny.

One of the most important lessons a child can learn is that when others are busy they need to be a team player and wait while other peoples’ needs are being met. This can easily be learnt when a child has to share a nanny with a sibling.

It’s time to re-think how much care our children really need and by whom.

You haven’t done a chore with a child in tow for a long time

When exactly was the last time you were inconvenienced by the presence of your kids and didn’t hand them off to the nanny? Let’s face it, doing the grocery shopping is faster without a kid in tow. Yes, it’s much easier to leave the kids behind and head out solo, however, we can’t ditch the kids for efficiency reasons every single time you need to be out and about.

You haven’t played with your child, had a meal with them, or been home for tuck-ins in a long time

If all your information about your kids has come from updates from the nanny instead of from actually making time to create a parent-child memory, this is a cause for concern and a sure sign of dependency.

A majority of working parents (63%) say they’ve made big career decisions like changing jobs or asking for flexible work arrangements to help alleviate some of the pressure.

Almost a quarter of surveyed parents (23%) said they either went part-time or became a stay-at-home parent to save money on child care. Of those who did this, 26% walked away from annual incomes of $50,000 or more.

But this last option is more costly than some parents might estimate.

Using the Center for American Progress’ interactive child care costs calculator, we can calculate how much it would cost the average American woman and the average American man to leave the workforce entirely to care for a new child:

… then he loses out on more than $850,900 in total income, which includes lost retirement assets and benefits, lost wages, and lost wage growth.

While some families may prefer a stay-at-home parent for personal, non-financial reasons, in the long term, for parents who must make these kinds of career decisions based purely on their finances, leaving the workforce really isn’t an option.

American parents are coming up with all manner of other plans to cover childcare costs but are finding that few of them are full-proof.

While TIAA recommends that people put at least 20% of their income away into savings, the top three things families said they did to cover child care costs in 2015 were: save less money, stop saving money entirely, and save less for retirement, which, when you consider compounded interest, could also costs thousands down the line.

And while Care.com found that most — 72% — budget in advance for the cost of childcare, 30% of those parents admit to going over this budget. What’s more, nearly a third of parents (32%) say they face taking on new or further debt to pay for child care.

Many parents are dissatisfied with this state of affairs, and they’re looking outside the family for help.

A whopping 85% of parents say they wish their employer offered child care benefits like discounted child care and access to back up child care.

When asked how child care costs make them feel, 53% of the families surveyed by Care.com said American culture doesn’t do enough to support working parents, and 47% said they wish the US would take a note from other countries and subsidize child care.

The short answer is, yes, you must pay your nanny tax to comply with federal law. Here’s the long answer with more details.

According to the IRS, your Nanny is a household employee because you control what she works on (your children) and how she should take care of them (your daily instructions). Also, you pay the Nanny, or an adult babysitter, more than a set amount (which the IRS usually changes) every year,

The IRS website states if you paid cash wages of $2,000 or more in 2016 you’ll need to play an employment tax (or Nanny Tax). But if you paid cash wages of $1,000 or more in any calendar quarter of 2015 or 2016 you’ll need to pay an unemployment tax. For more details, like how much of percent you’ll need to pay, see the IRS website here.

These rules also cover a housekeeper, gardener or other household workers who earn more than the threshold. So if you pay your child’s sitter $35 every week for Saturday night babysitting, you owe NannySocial Security and Medicare taxes.

It’s not complicated to pay Nanny taxes, but you do need to set aside some time to make sure you complete the forms correctly. I strongly advise you to pay Nanny taxes if you’re over the limit. Not only does it keep you right with the law, your contributions will increase your babysitter’s reported Medicare and Social Security pay.

That ultimately should boost any Social Security payments she/he receives in retirement. This is a perfect example of supporting women in the workforce, even if they are in your own home.

Situations When You Don’t Have to Pay for Your Nanny Tax:

If your nanny is employed by an agency or third party, who controls what work is done and how it is performed.

If your child’s sitter provides care in her own home, she’s generally not your employee.

If your child is cared for by your spouse.

If your babysitter is a student under the age of 18. (If she’s not a student and babysitting is her principal occupation, you owe Nanny taxes.)

If your parent cares for your child. (Exception: if you’re a single parent or your spouse is physically unable to care for your child, you likely owe taxes.)

Please note that you also may owe federal and state unemployment tax if you pay a household employee $1,000 or more in any calendar quarter. Contact your state tax agency (listed in an appendix to Internal Revenue Service Publication 926) to learn your unemployment tax obligations.

If you’re still confused, please consult your accountant, tax preparer, read IRS Publication 926, or call the IRS help line for household employers at 800-829-4933. In the IRS paperwork, there is a checklist of paperwork and organizational tips you can follow to be sure that you and your Nanny are covered.