I’m inconsistent. I’m an inconsistent person.

I don’t work out consistently, eat healthy consistently, study Japanese consistently, consistently finish books I start before moving onto another book that I will be inconsistent with, I don’t text back consistently, and I am saying all of this because I am so tired of myself. It’d be one thing if my lack of consistency wasn’t having a negative impact on my life, but it is! And I literally don’t know what to do, but I’m tired of running to Dr. Google for an answer. I’ve decided to invest in a journal (and by invest I mean it was just a notebook gifted to me) and start to journal my morning emotions and thoughts. I am hoping that I may find answers there, in my freshest thoughts.

See, here’s the issue. I’ve got goals. I’m coming to my last year of university, living in America, I want to change my body and diet, grow my hair longer, and speak more Japanese. As I’ve come to question how I got to where I am and why I am stuck, it always comes back to the same thing. I’m inconsistent. I will begin a task and never finish it and somehow it almost seems like I do it without regret. Like I am personally sabotaging myself…! Well, guess what, SELF… this ends this week! I am determined to find a solution, and I know I will. I have to. I am trying to really (begin to) figure myself out. What makes me tick, what makes me shut down, and what holds me back.