domestic violence

I have posted before about my husband being violent towards me. Always people on this board give me good advice but I never follow it and I dont know why. The violent outbursts are not constant and things settle down in between and then boom it happens again.

At the weekend after a row he bit me hard on my back and has bruised all down my arms where he grabbed me I have had enough. I am having to wear long sleeves to hide the bruises as though it is my dirty secret. On Monday morning I walked into a police station to report this but backed out at the last minute.

Please think seriously about your life.Is this what you want from a marriage ? You are worth more.He is treating you as a possession he can kick,bite,beat. You are allowing him to do this.When will you leave him?2 yrs when he breaks an arm5yrs when your head is so muddled with constant beatings that you cannot see how to leaveOr maybe never and you will be old wondering why you were never properly loved and just constantly abused.But then life has finishedGet help now.

I appreciate that it's very hard to leave him because when he's not being a violent prick I'm sure he's got many fine qualities that attracted to you him in the first place, it's hard to leave a relationship because we become so attached to the other person and even dependent on them in some ways so cutting ties is painful and complicated.

You have to realise that he is not going to change, his violent behaviour will probably escalate until he causes serious permanent harm to you. He has already proven himself capable and unwilling to take responsibility for his own actions. You have to find the strength within yourself to recognise that you must take the temporary pain, fear, loneliness that will come with leaving him to protect yourself from the future hell this man will most likely put you through.

Think about the time that he will lose it with you and won't be able to 'control' himself from doing worse. It will happen, you don't want to end up disfigured, disabled or dead, he's not worth it.

You will find someone who will treat you better and in as much as you don't want to leave, I'm deely disturbed by the fact that he actually said that he held back, like it's something to be thankful for!!!!

I really hope one day you get that final straw and I hope it will be soon. You are not safe and i'm extremely fearful for you.

Women are no longer constrained by economic dependence to stay in violent or abusive relationships, wannabe.

In this instance, as she is working and has a supportive family, it would seem the OP is not socially isolated and has the werewithal to leave without reporting to the police if she so chooses.

I share AF's opinion that the OP is at risk of seriously bodily harm or worse and it is my belief that she should take steps to secure her safety, and that of any dc who may be living with her, as soon as possible and, preferably, before she is subjected to further physcal assault.

I have no doubt that you wouldn't intentionally seek to place the onerous burden of fearing for your physical safety on a colleague, combobulated, but, when confiding matters of this nature to those who are powerless to intervene, it's expecting a great deal of them to not worry about what they've been told.

By the same token, my concern for your welfare won't cease until I learn that you are no longer in danger of becoming one of the more serious statistics of domestic violence along with many others who erroneously believed that it couldn't happen to them, or that violence was evidence of love.

To that extent, I'm not going to encourage you to do anything other than get the fuck out, or get the violent fucker out, of your home as a matter of urgency.

Maybe op knows one colleague well or is her RL friend who might be an invaluable catalyst who will be prepared to hold op's hand to get things moving in the right direction ???? In that case I don't see why op can't use this avenue .....

The catalyst for Tina Nash was losing her sight. The catalyst for the OP may be the plastic surgery she'll need if he bites a chunk out of her.

If you don't wish to involve the police, combobulated, at least go to your GP and have your injuries documented so that you have evidence to support an application for an occupation Order which you can use to keep him out of your home.

And yes you are quite right I have some brilliant friends at work have worked there for over ten years and I suppose I thought once they knew I would have to leave so thats why I wanted to confide in them.

Combobulated that's exactly what I did. I wrote a lengthy post on the EA thread but in a nutshell, I moaned about my boyfriends twatty behaviour, and after a short while, a work friend pointed out that it was more sinister. She's been hoping I would get some support. I picked up the phone to an organisation. Yesterday, I went to a session. I didn't want to go to it. I got there, I cried and wanted to go. The sole reason I stuck it out was that I couldn't face her ringing to ask how I got on and having To say id chickened out. By the end, I was glad I had stayed.

I very much doubt that the OP could have chosen a better catalytic medium than this board but, given that her only other post in her present guise has to do with her choice of dress for a party, it seems that she elects to live in a state of denial.

Always people on this board give me good advice but I never follow it and I dont know why If the OP were to stick around and follow through, she may be able to come to some understanding of why she puts up with dv and the knowledge she gains may enable her to put an end to it.

As my numerous responses to various other posts will testify, I'm not given to alarmism but, when several years of being beaten with fists escalates to being beaten and bitten, it will only be a matter of time before the OP suffers serious injury or worse.

Under the circumstances the only advice that can be given to this OP, and to others like her, is to get the hell out before it's too late as too late can come a lot sooner than they may prefer to believe

I'm glad to see that you're back, combobulated, and sincerely hope that you won't disappear this time.

It seems you think that if you confide in colleagues you'll lose face if you don't leave/stop the rot. Do you want people you work with to know about your vulnerabiity?

Wouldn't it be better to maintain the esteem they currently hold you in by making the break, or getting him out of your home, and telling them after the event, so to speak?

If you go to a police station and tell an officer about his latest attack on you, you'll be given all the help you need to bring about a future that you and your dc can move into with confidence rather than fear.

Alternatively, you can visit www.womensaid.org.uk and begin the process that will give you and your dc the life you deserve.

Please don't discount the most valuable resource that is your 'supportive family' as I have no doubt they will rally to your cause and their only concern will be to secure the safety of you and your dc.