Out of Mind - Out of Body

Author:Paul Bunting

Do you believe in a such thing as an out of body experience?

Prior to an early spring evening, March 11, 1994, the idea of an out ofbody experience wouldn't have occupied any thinking space in my mind --yet, I was on the unforgettable eve of an experience that changed thelandscape of my life, from that point on. Some could say it was anawakening, others might think insanity, or even a spiritual intervention -but whatever the case, my life was forever changed as a result of the chainof events that transpired on that special night the Earth was thawing asthe rebirth of spring took Royal Oak, Mi away from the icy grips of winter.

Out Of Body:

To give you, the reader a brief summary of background on myself, for noother reason than perspective; that was a point in my life where theconscious focus of my existence was not centered around truth or what somemight think of as spirituality. I was a Senior in High School who was oneweek away from wrestling in the "All-State" championship tournament. Eventhough I didn't think of myself as an athlete, the state finals was a stagefor the top 16 wrestlers in the state to compete for the honors of firstplace. Despite being the first person in 10 years to qualify for thetournament for my school, there were other conflicting interests vying forthe focus of my mind.

At that stage in my life, a time where a cloud of general discontentmenthaunted my existence, using substances and getting high took presidenceover just about anything else. My family, on certain levels, was utterlydisappointing. School, besides wrestling, was a complete waste of time,energy and effort. Overall, the world, as I knew it, was disappointing inmany ways. At 18, I walked though life with a horrible void that drugs,somehow, helped give the illusion of being filled. When the wretchedobligations and horrible duties of a normal day were fulfilled, I couldconnect with friends and get high. Only then, was there laughter sharedonly by those who I thought truly understood me. I able to push the limitsand walk on the edge. I able to escape from the heavy burden I wasconvinced that life shat on my shoulders...

In retrospect, in the midst of a storm that started long ago, there wasstill fragments of truth in the midst of the convenient lie I wasattempting to convince myself was true, through the use of substances,which became more apparent after my out of body experience.

...on the brink of an out of body experience:

That's my recollection of where I was, in mind, on March 11, 1994 before Itook just under 2 doses of LSD that were to transport me to a place I hadnever been in this life. However, before I go on recollecting the eventsthat tore aware the illusion of reality as I knew it that night, I feel acertain obligation to expand on LSD -- especially to those of you readingthis who haven't had firsthand experience with psychedelics orhallucinogens.

That night wasn't the first, nor the last time I had experiences with LSD,and/or various other "doorway" substances and medicines. It was however,the only time the reality I once held onto so tightly, so uncontrollablyunraveled to the extent of revealing another world...One door closes, another opens...

All through wrestling practice, I was eagerly anticipating what the nightmight have in store for me. I small group of friends were gettingtogether, staying the night at one of the first of our group to "move out"on his own - and we were going to be whiggin balls (slang for taking LSD, aterm coined on a previous acid experience) that night. I was so excitedabout what was to come that I decided to start the night before the nightstarted, breaking off a small corner of the blotter paper containing LSDand ingesting it before wrestling practice began.

My coaches were making a big fuss about state finals doling out their fairshare of "tough love" as a demonstration of their approval that one oftheir own, qualified for the biggest high school level competitions, yet mymind was elsewhere. I didn't want to be at practice. I didn't want it tobe daylight any longer. I didn't even want to have to go through therigmarole of going home, showering and preparing for the night -- I justwanted it to be the night and I just wanted to have fun. Little did Iknow..

Usually LSD takes about 2 hours to begin to take effect. A short 20minutes after taking our doses (which my friends wisely took a lower dosethan I took) the unmistakable fingers of LSD were taking hold of myreality. Somewhere, inside, I knew I was in for quite a night -- I justhad no idea exactly how deep I was gonna go...

It was about 40 minutes into the experience that we (group of 4) decided totake a walk in the neighborhood. There was still plenty of snow on theground, but the temperature was just above 36 and the sound of snow meltingand water dripping seemed to be just about all that I ears picked up. Itwas as if I felt the cycle of spring in it's beginning stages in anintimate way I hadn't before.

Our friend who was hosting us in his one bedroom basement apartment thatevening had done something most 17 and 18 year olds don't do. He abandonedwhat he never had of a traditional suburban life, purchased an old van andwent touring with a band many of us are familiar with -- The Grateful Dead. On our walk he was talking about his experience with his travels and theband, combined with reuniting with "old" friends, perhaps even reference toour present state. "What a long strange trip it's been."

Somehow, that phrase struck a chord. Thoughts, feelings and a suddenawareness of a curiosity I never consciously knew I carried with me untilthat point flashed to the forefront of my awareness. Who was I and why wasI here? Once that underlying curiosity seeded itself in the forefront ofmy mind, everything I saw with my eyes became strange with a veneer ofoddity and un-homliness that words cannot quite seem to appropriatelydescribe. The three friends I was with seemed to take on more of an"energetic imprint" (for lack of better terms) than the personalities I wasused to. The words they spoke made less sense and the feel, will and stateof being they were in became louder and more pronounced.

Despite the beauty I had never realized on our walk -- the Earth thawingout, paving way for new life, spring and a new summer, I, we, somehow knewit was time to head home. At that point, I realized, despite my knowledgeand familiarity with the neighborhood we were in, I had no idea where wewere. Left on my own, at that point, I have never made it "home." Everystep seemed to take me further and further from the reality I had onceknown and believed to be truth. When we arrived back at the house, I hadthe first surreal experience of a series of events that would eventuallytake me out of mind and in turn, out of body...

Out of mind -- The Car...

Given my hazy state of affairs, under no circumstances, should I have evenhad the inclination to go for a scenic drive, yet somehow, the sight of mycar gave me the brilliant (not really) idea that a drive around town, withmy friends would be a great way to take in the sights - as well as provingto myself that this world, along with my state of being was no differentthe usual norm where people can drive cars and go about doing what they doin life. Being as such, I unlocked my door and got behind the wheel. Closing the door and buckling my seat belt, I felt the only thing left todo was get my friends in (I would need help navigating, that much I knew)and go for a drive.

My friends, on the other hand, had the common sense to understand thatgoing for a drive was a bad idea. I felt them looking at me. It wasalmost as if I wanted to avoid going into the basement of the house assomehow I knew some unknown destiny awaited me, yet I had little to noother options available to me. At that point I started communicating withthose outside the car. I was telling them to get in and there was nothingto worry about. They were telling me to get out of the car and there wasno way they were going on a drive with me. Plainly they were telling me noand that I was crazy. I was doing my best to convince them otherwise,despite understanding the brevity of the situation. A trait indicative tomy "warped" sense of humor at the time - I knew the car ride was a joke Iwas trying in vain get them to believe in.

At that stage, obviously, I was consciously aware that I had taken apowerful psychedelic. I knew that driving was not going to happen. I justwanted to have a bit of fun and I realized how silly I was being. Thethought of trying to convince my friends to take a drive with me, fornothing else than a good laugh was all I wanted. It worked. We were alllaughing at the dialog that had transpired in the 60-90 second time-frame. That seemed normal enough to remind me I was human...until I realized thewindows were up and none of us had even uttered one word with our mouths. I was hearing them in my head - and I was not moving my lips to communicatewith them.Before you go dismissing this as out of mind, out of body in a crazy way,before I get to the experience, know this:

If you've ever experienced psychedelics, then chances are, youunderstand that during the experience -- you have the consciousunderstanding that you took something and for the most part, observation isthe only real option you have until the experience passes. For example,based on prior firsthand experience, you can be laying flat on your back,oblivious to outside temperature, watching as clouds turn into eaglesbefore your eyes, observing clusters of grass turn into faces -- and yet,have full awareness that you're on psychedelics. That had always been myexperience, (with various differing types of psychedelics) and based onothers who have also experienced recreational and medicinal psychedelics,the general consensus is that despite an altered perception of that whichwe call reality, or normal -- you still know that you took something. WhatI'm about to explain, the part of the experience I consider out of mind,out of body -- is something that took me beyond conscious awareness havinga mind, having a personality, having a body and being in the same areawhere the body I reside in that takes up space, occupies.

Into the basement, across a threshold:

After my tryst with being silly in the car, and speaking without the use ofwords, for the first time, it was time to go inside and enjoy the rest ofthe trip. That's where things started to become foggy for me. Once insidemy critical thinking abilities became less and inherently perceivedsymbolism of everything around me became more real and more intense. Mybody felt so physically strange, awash with feelings I had neverexperienced -- I became irritated. Breathing felt strange. I felt grimyin ways I had never felt before. The lighting in the room wasuncomfortable and everything about the people around me became a consistentsource of irritation. At that point, I'm not certain if I was able tocommunicate or not, but thought and physical sensation were becomingoverwhelming and I got up to walk around. I felt constricted andconstrained in just about every way imaginable -- and to top that off Ifelt my best friend was against me in just about every way due to his(unconscious) resistance to change and grow on a level some would considerto be spiritual.

I felt as thought there were tacks in my body that I couldn't remove. Onein my penis and one in my heart. With every breath I took my lungs burnedeven more - and I had very little conscious connection with my physicalbody. I so vividly remember looking at a Gary Larson calendar (the kindwhere you tear away a page every day) with an illustration of a kid in aclassroom with his hand up wanting to ask the teacher a question. Once Isaw that I had in my own mind "The big question" - even though I had noidea what that meant.

Becoming more unaware of the way "this" world works I was primarily focusedon the absolute terror that was unfolding withing. I somehow felt asthough I was being punished for something. I had definitely crossed athreshold into a world I had not entered into before and I was onlyremotely aware of anything outside of myself. Even though I was breathing,every breath felt more constricted and eventually, I felt I could no longerbreath at all. The tacks in my penis and heart became increasinguncomfortable, internally visions of all sorts of distorted colors thatonly served to trap me further took over and just about every uncomfortablesensation I had never imagined took hold of my mind. Time somehow ceasedto exist and the wretched idea that I was banished to stay in thispreviously unfathomable existence for an equal amount of time that my bodyhad been on this planet entered mind somehow (the term "my" in reference tomind was purposely omitted) - and the irritation about that idea is thateven a microsecond may have well as been an eternity all by itself.

I'm not certain, but I think that was the point my physical body becamewent on autopilot and chaos ensued. What I'm about to explain issomething, to this day, I have absolutely no recollection of, as it wastime I consider to be "lost" or completely unaccounted for. My physicalbody, in what I consider to be my guestimation of the situation, rebelledagainst the unfathomable "hell" I was "destined to stay trapped" in. Apparently, with my bare hands, I broke a portion of the kitchen counter inhalf, tore live electrical wires our of the wall, tore a sock off andripped my outer short off. As my friends attempted to restrain me, Iapplied a choke that could have done some serious damage and by the graceof a power greater than myself, nobody was hurt.

As suddenly as the hell took over that trapped me in its deceptive grips, Iwas aware of myself (sort Out Of Bodyof) again. This time I was absolutelydevastated about some things I had done in the past that I held tightlyonto, feeling guilty and worthless about, years after the fact. As Iscreamed "No" over and over again, punching holes in the wall in front ofme (physically feeling nothing) I heard my father's voice telling me tostop. Even thinking about it now, there is not a separation of timebetween here, now, and the event. It was that powerful. Anyways, the samefriend who attempted to restrain me before was telling me to stop, but inmy mind, it wasn't him. My father's image (energetic imprint) was so vividI could have sworn he was right there, witnessing the whole thing as itunfolded. There was more screaming on my part then...nothing.

Only awareness. I was no longer in my mind, I was definitely out of mybody and the place I was, was nowhere even remotely close to where, who,what or how I was. With memory so vivid, so real, I could never forget...

I was in a town and it was dark. People were everywhere in the streets,celebrating unlike anything I've ever seen before. They were holding eachother, crying on each others shoulders and being more joyful that I hadever experienced in my life inside this body. Nobody had the need to speakusing their mount, yet I could make out a message, clear as a bell. Asymbol, similar to Olympic colors entered "mind" as I witnessed. The Iunderstood what was happening. The people I saw were from all the nationsin this world, apologizing and absolutely forgiving each other for anythingand everything that people have done to other people with malice andwithout understanding.

Although this was the most joyous celebration I had ever bore witness,another understanding came through. Something of great magnitude took usto the place where this was possible. How many lives need to be lost onviolent terms for us to wake up and realize we're all in this together? The place where I visited presented the daft message that something extremewas to happen, in order for that to take place. Then it was over.

I felt peace. I opened my eyes and I was, once again, laying in a room. Ihad the idea that somehow I had done something "bad" - yet I had no ideawhat. Where I was seemed so foreign, yet so familiar at the same time. Iclosed my eyes in an attempt to go back to where I was before, but is wasuseless. All I heard was the tones of a guitar played by none other thanthe late Jimmy Hendricks playing a comforting tune in the other room. Allthe pain was gone. Everything heavy was lifted. No longer was there a pinin my penis and heart that could not be removed.

Eventually I felt I needed to move. As I walked into the other room I wasgreeted by three people, whom seemed somehow awfully familiar, looking atme with a puzzling intensity. They seemed so familiar, yet I had no cluewho they were. It was all very confusing to me. At that point, I stilldidn't even know myself. I didn't realize that I had a name and identitythat I was supposed to go through life with. They offered me a toke ofweed through a three foot water bong, and after I had that my lungs burned,so unconsciously, I spit on the floor. My closest friend told me "that'snot cool" and reality started coming back. I remembered who these peoplewere. I remembered who I was. I remembered where I was and I knew that Ihad taken LSD earlier that night. At that point, all I wanted was to gohome and be by myself, somewhere comfortable. The trip was completely doneand there were no aftereffects whatsoever. It was only two hours later,after we had ingested our "trip." Typically, LSD lasts 8-12 hours andslowly wanes away. Two hours later, I was done. Completely.A painful door opened that night -- Aftermath...

The next morning, my car didn't start. I had to call my dad to pick us upand a tow truck as well. I was convinced, that by his irritated demeanor,he somehow knew what went on the previous night. Then, for me, life wassomehow different. I started wondering about the point when the harmoniousbirth and death ratio of humans became offset by a greater number of birthsthan deaths. I wondered, at what point to we run out of the naturalresources we seem to have so little regard for - and what happens when wedo? Ever since that night, the looming idea that we cannot go on for muchlonger had plagued me at times. One thing I forgot to mention that hasentered my mind now, when I went to that space where we were all forgivingeach other, I somehow had the knowledge that at that point, March 11 1994,we had already done too much to turn back. We had already gone too far andit was inevitable that something was going to happen. Even thinking aboutgarbage, and where is it supposed to go, brings that inevitability to theforefront of my mind.

Life, in many ways, after that experience was even more depressing, flatand meaningless than before. I couldn't understand how everyone couldn'tsee, feel and know that something so big was to happen in our lifetime. They must be completely blind was my general consensus, and how depressingit was to be stuck, here with a world of blind, deaf and mute.

I felt no sense of purpose, and after graduating High School - and despitehaving a scholarship to college, I went to work. This only depressed memore, as I felt most of us were just numbing who we really are, caught upin pretending to be whom we're not. I'll spare you the play by play, butit took years to understand what happened that night - as well as gettingpast the internal sadness I so long held onto. Only after connecting withothers who had experiences similar to mine, in death, did I decide to stepout of a state of fear and into living here, on Earth now.

Meditation and lots of introspection have helped me come to terms with theworld as I know it and let go of a deeply seeded desire to numb myselfthrough substance abuse. I really don't talk about this experience toomuch, as I find it to be largely too much for your "average" American tostomach without shutting down, trying to place it - or calling it an effectof the psychedelic and nothing more. That's fine. I have come to termswith that and much more. No matter what your facing -- I believe thequestion, "Who am I, and why am I here?" can shed enlightening light on ourcurrent situation. In truth and understanding,

Paul

About the author:
Paul Bunting is an avid practitioner of Yogic Arts, Introspective techniques and writer. http://www.paulbunting.net