I should start this post by saying that I have never claimed to be normal and nor would I after all I am not delusional. There are a number of things that have recently made me reflect on life and I thought them worthy of a share.

The first was a recent visit which reminded me just how much the publican has taken over the man. I have written many times about my view on those of us who endure this trade and I remain convinced that my opinion has legs. On further reflection though I think that in my case there is something more to it, it is more than a means of hiding.

My chameleon like personality means that even I don’t know who Gav is, I have no idea what he likes or what he would do with spare time he is , in short, a stranger. What I do know, and I am acutely aware of when I am around old friends, is that publican Gav is his mask. Publican Gav has many of the skills that I don’t think Gav has, a gregarious personality is not something that you would ever associate with the Gav that I know.

Next on the list is a common mistake, I am NOT human. I am not just driven I am a machine but, like a machine, there is no end goal. Many people talk about holidays and when I will take my foot off the gas but the truth is that I can see neither event and it doesn’t concern me. My mission is to continue, to power through, to overcome the hurdles and to just keep on trucking, it always has been. Those who think that I have achieved a life goal by being in the pub misunderstand me or perhaps they are simply trying to humanise me. I love the pub and always aspired to be here but that does not make it some goal that I was working to or some achievement it is simply another fork in the road that I walk. Similarly, now that I am here, there is no plan, no end where I retire or slow down there is just another set of challenges and another ‘to do’ list.

I have good friends who worry about me burning out and I have others who know me well enough to know that it simply is not a possibility, like the terminator I will just keep on coming. I don’t have the pressures of a life behind this, what you see is all that there is so there is nothing to balance and therefore no stress when it doesn’t balance.

Finally, and I guess somewhat inevitably, there is my ‘status’ I am after all single. Again this is an area where friends think that they can help or offer advice and they all have a script in their mind. Let me be clear on this point, well as clear as I can be, if the only time that I hear the ‘love’ word is from my children and some random drunks at closing then I am happy, really truly I am. I have no need for company, companionship, loving, god or the Easter bunny they are all made up.

I guess that I am what I am, I take some getting used to and I am far from everyone’s cup of tea but it never hurt Marmite did it?

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