Hindi ko alam na ganoon ka grabe ang dulot ng balitang iyon sa mga tao. I imagine people violently commenting on social media accounts but not this. I imagine their rage for their favorite team but not as far as inflicting physical pain.

For a fleeting moment, I got reminded of myself. Of how hysterical I was way back. Of how naive I was in thinking that my actions don’t really affect other people. My naivete is to the moon and I always blame my lack of love. Pero sa huli, napagtanto kong hindi iyon. It is my choices that make me, not other people’s choices.

If my parents chose a life like that for me, it is normal to feel and act with its ripples, but it is brave to brace it and overcome it.

I stayed silent until the men were far away and are resuming their laughs. Babaling sana ako kay Vincent nang bigla niyang hinablot ang aking palapulsuhan. For a moment, I remember how firm the way he handled me years ago.

Ang kaba sa aking dibdib ay agad nagparamdam. I turned to him only to be overpowered by his masculinity. Looking back, I realized that I was not really angry or hateful, I was scared.

But if I tell him now what exactly happened, I don’t think his view of me is any different. I don’t think he’ll realize that this time, I am really telling the truth.

I was harassed by four men. Almost raped if I did not run.

Nakakatawa. Nakakatawa dahil noon, umalis siya dahil inakusahan ko siya ng ganoon. Even when I only want to get rid of him. Even when I did not realize that that was way too far. That my parents would take it seriously. That my mother, who is known to be a Violence Against Women specialist way back when he was a lawyer, will not take it for granted. No matter how worthless I am for them.

I glanced at him again. His expression is like a predator ready to strike. His muscles strained and his eyes burning. Tila apoy na ayaw kong mapaso ay muling binaba ko ang tingin ko.

How time did fly and how, even when I can now be proud about something, I am still not confident in front of him.

“Bakit? Totoo ba iyong balita? Is that boy your boyfriend?”

Kumunot ang noo ko.

“Hindi na importante iyon, Vincent.”
“So he is, huh?”

Humakbang siya ng paikot sa akin. Like a predator looking at his prey. Napalunok ako at sinundan ang bawat apak ng kulay dark brown niyang boots. I pressed my lips in a hard line, trying not to speak now that I find him aggressive.

I know that his anger towards me is reasonable. Anyone not guilty of a legal accusation, muntik nang nadungisan ang pangalan, ay may karapatang magalit ng ganito. I cried for months when I realized what I did. I said sorry to my parents. Binawi ko iyong sinabi ko, agaran nang umalis si Vincent sa firm ni Daddy. And immediately, when my father heard that I was lying, he has insulted me in the worst possible way.

“Look, I know you’re angry at me. Hanggang ngayon, Vince. And I know my apology is not enough for you…”

“My mother did not pursue with the case, and I know you know that.”
“And did it even help? Ang mga taong nakarinig noon, tingin mo nagbago ang pananaw nila sa akin, Eury?”

Shit. I know that.

“But I said sorry, Vince! Sinabi ko, maging sa mga kasambahay namin na hindi iyon totoo! I was a brat, alright and they all know that it is my fault!” I know reasoning out is useless. Kahit anong banda tingnan ang ginawa ko, hindi iyon tama.
“My name will never be clean again because of you,” may diin sa pagkakasabi niya. “And your sorry will never be enough.”

“Tell the media that you broke up with your boyfriend. Tell your father that you’re marrying me.”

Natigil ang luha ko sa sinabi niya. Tumuwid ako sa pagkakatayo.

Ang kulay kahel na langit ay mas lalong nagpatingkad sa golden brown niyang kulay. His hair tousled by the sea breeze. The ends of his hair on the back reached to his nape.

This is impossible. Just impossible.

Iniisip kong gusto niyang maangkin ang firm ni Daddy ngunit sa pangalan niya ngayon, I highly doubt that he’d need anyone’s help! He has achieve far more than what my Daddy has achieved. If he wanted the firm, he could’ve offered that to Ate Lyanna!

He is the country’s number one architect with a notorious silent label of being lady’s man. No need to woo women. His money, appeal, and name will attract woman like a moth to the lamp!

“Vincent,” nanginig ang boses ko.

His eyes surveyed me for a moment. Bumuga siya ng hininga. He cocked his head to another side, like he’s trying to figure me out.

Instantly, the reason for his offer registered to me. Alam ko. Kapag ginawa ko ang gusto niyang mangyari, he will be cleared from whatever gossip there is about him. People who knew will conclude that he never forced me to do anything. Not that he really did anything to me.

“Hindi na natin pa kailangang umabot pa sa ganyan-”

My thoughts whirled around his offer. This is not simply an offer. This is revenge, for sure. Kapag sinabi ko sa media na kami at hindi si Zander, my relationship with Zander will suffer. And while we’re at it, I am very sure that his escapades with other women will never end. And that, I will be, in the end a loser.

Kahit na alam kong iyon ang gusto niyang mangyari. He wants to drain me. He wants to punish me from all the stupid things I did back when I was sixteen.

“Ang dali mong masabi ‘yan, hindi ba? Dahil hindi naman ikaw ang may sirang pangalan. I will never accept your apology. It will never be enough.”

Hinarap ko siya. I can tell that he was a bit stunned by my sudden agreement. My eyes burned at the sight of him.

I don’t want this a bit. I don’t want his wrath. He’s avoided this confrontation as well that no matter how much my father wanted to see him, he didn’t let him. At ngayong kami na mismong dalawa ang nagkita, sa akin niya pinapasan ang problemang ibinigay ko sa kanya.

My heart ached. Kung alam ba ng makasalanan na pinaparusahan sila, kailangan bang tanggapin na lamang iyon? To suffer in exchange of forgiveness? Is it really how it works? If it is, then I would gladly take it.

“Now just one in the afternoon of today,” nanginig ang boses ni Tita sa pagpapatuloy. “Three of the boys were found dead in Hubert’s apartment. Throat slashed and…” napalunok si Tita sa sinabi.

“… maraming saksak. Hubert is not found so everyone assumed that he’s the killer.”
“W-What?”
“Yes, Eury. The authorities are still investigating. They are also searching for him.”
“Tatlong lalaki po?” tanong kong muli.
“Yes, exactly those who were part of your shoot. Iyong stylist, at ang dalawang photographer, Eury.”

“He won’t. He is now wanted b the authorities. Mahihirapan iyong harapin ka, Eury. In the mean time, watch the news and be safe. Are you staying in a hotel? I trust Zander will take care of the issue between you. Saang hotel ka ba, Eury?”
“I-I’m not staying in a hotel, Tita.”
“Then, where? Are you safe?”