Monday, 26 April 2010

Saturday, 10 April 2010

Tis a lovely day aye Is it not a beautiful dayFear not the darkness comes nightFor thou art in His Grace, His Light~ ~ExLibris~I woke up a bit late today, but still had time for my morning jog. Today we took the long route, where it is much hilly and i get more prone to my knee pains. Our slow jog today took us 24 minutes to finish the whole university, lets keep track of my progress shall we. Last weekend after exams, me and a couple of friends went on a short excursion to Anyer, Jakarta. If anyone wants to go there, hope this can be a guide to you.

So, to begin with, i wanted to drive there, but after thinking it over, and having to drive at 2 am in the morning for 5 hours, i decided not to in the end. There were 6 of us all in our pyjamas that fateful Saturday morning, we had spent the night before cooking for our picnic needs.

Our transport, was a kijang and driver, and total cost of transport back and forth was

1. 375k for kijang2. 200k for petrol3. 100k for tol

A decent speed to drive took us 3 hours to reach Jakarta, and another 2 hours to reach Anyer. When you reach Anyer, there a re lots of beaches and all of them are owned, so you would have to pay around 5k for a beach although some of it are free. There are actually 2 parts of the beach, Pantai Anyer and Pantai Carita which is a bit further of. I think Carita is where we settled down. These beaches are actually in the region of Banten, in the outskirts of Jakarta. We got ourselves a beach in front of a villa, even though we did not take the villa until later. I had to use my acting charms a bit =P cewah! Anyway, if you decide to stay a night at a villa there, most of it would cost around 1 juta, but very comfortable and you can fit more than 10 people so it is considered cheap once you calculate it.

Anyway, when we arrived, it took us a loong time to find a nice spot, most of the beaches had lots of rocks, and it was raining too. We were all in our gloomiest mood. But once we settled down, unpacked our stuff, and made Mr Tummy happy, the sun was shining and we were ready to hit the waves! Boy the waves were super-duper high! Oh, you can actually see Krakatao from most parts of the seaside, so that is a plus point on the trip.

Some beaches offer jet ski, banana boat and other water sports but they are quite costly. Some are just nice to roll around in the sun and make yourself a sandcastle. Some of us really just dashed into the waves ala2 baywatch yang gemok gedempol. while some just laid in the sun, enjoying the breeze. While on a trip to the beach, make sure you wear suitable clothing, especially if you want to play in the water. The waves were big, so our clothes kept doing summersaults. For breaks in between crazy laughing from the cool waves, bring games that everyone can play with. We brought a frisbee that was thrown away by the wind, a ball that was too lembik to play with and the twister game that made you want to pee out of laughter, oops!

All in all, i loved the trip, even though it was short, it was enough to recharge our senses before we started to nerd-ify ourselves again.

Friday, 9 April 2010

internet troubles, i am facing again and again =( It took me around 3 hours to properly connect today, whatttt~~~

I just finished my treasure hunt of medical records, i have been going for weeks to the hospital to get consent to see the hundreds of medical records that i have to go through for my thesis. At last, yesterday, that hunt came to an end after endless bribery, painstaking running up and downs and countless hours being dizzy about it all. So, this weekend, pray that i can finally finish rounding up the data and do my chapter 4 and 5. By the way, for my juniors, when you are in your 4th year, please dont even think about taking medical records, like seriously! There is so much bureaucracy that you have to go through, that experiments seem as easy as peas.

I know everyone is facing tough times nowadays, some of us may not have enough money at the moment, some may be worrying about their thesis, some of us just have issues and problems that is hard to face. I know i do. Sometimes you feel helpless as thoughts fly around in your mind when you are alone but can disappear for awhile when you are among people who care and love for you. So surround you with them, and think happy thoughts. If you cant, atleast try to. Same advice goes to me =) Dont just stay cooped up in your room, maybe take a stroll where the air is fresh. For Jatinangorians, i recommend the university as a place to walk in the late afternoons where you can have a moment to gain some peace of mind. I jog in the afternoons to feel calm. Sometimes I can feel the breeze wisps by me with His Zikr, and His embrace as I thread down the open paths, because the more steps we take towards Him, the closer He comes to us right~

Lets de-stree, de-tox oursleves and be free..Take a moment to breathe, and stop right there, because we need to calm ourselves in times where we are most frantic. Free ourselves from the burden of the worlds, because every burden makes us stronger to face the world. No matter how bad everything seems now, Thank God we still have our eyes to see, Thank God we still have a brain to think and Thank God we still have a heart and soul to live~

Anyway, today is all about celebrating and rejoicing life, it is a friday after all. The most holy day of the week. So, why feel down in the dumps when we can wake up and open our eyes, smile and love ourselves more than ever! This morning, my playlist is stuck to this song which I would like to share with everyone today, if you are down and dont have the feeling to go through the day or even this morning, then listen to this.

Do you watch football, because if you do, then you would most probably know that this song has been chosen for the FIFA 2010 anthem! yeayy!

When i get older, they'll call me freedomJust like a Waving Flag.

[Chorus]When I get older, I will be stronger,They'll call me freedom, just like a Waving Flag,And then it goes back, and then it goes back,And then it goes back

Born to a throne, stronger than Romebut Violent prone, poor people zone,But it's my home, all I have known,Where I got grown, streets we would roam.But out of the darkness, I came the farthest,Among the hardest survival.Learn from these streets, it can be bleak,Except no defeat, surrender retreat,

So we struggling, fighting to eat andWe wondering when we'll be free,So we patiently wait, for that fateful day,It's not far away, so for now we say

[Chorus]

So many wars, settling scores,Bringing us promises, leaving us poor,I heard them say, love is the way,Love is the answer, that's what they say,But look how they treat us, Make us believers,We fight their battles, then they deceive us,Try to control us, they couldn't hold us,Cause we just move forward like Buffalo Soldiers.

But we struggling, fighting to eat,And we wondering, when we'll be freeSo we patiently wait, for that faithful day,It's not far away, but for now we say,

[Chorus] 2x

(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)And everybody will be singing it(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)And you and I will be singing it(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)And we all will be singing it(Ohhh Ohh Ohh Ohh)

[Chorus] 2x

When I get older, when I get olderI will be stronger, just like a Waving Flag,Just like a Waving Flag, just like a Waving flagFlag, flag, Just like a Waving Flag

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Im sitting at the hospital right now,eating chocolate out of my hands..a little girl sat looking at the one piece of chocolate that i was eating,and i took a bite too late.as the last bit of chocolate slid down my throat,i wish i had given it to the little girl. She looked forlorn as she and her father were waiting at the health counter,maybe waiting for a treatment but at the moment not able to afford it. If only i could give her the chocolate,maybe it would have made her happy...to be continued,i have to ru down to see the medical records now.late

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Exam just finished today...triple yeays..im kind of feeling down about something, but i still have a long way to go, no use crying over spoilt (or is it spilt) milk. But i do have plans to unwind, (as usual)..i want to go for movies tomorrow, maybe fit in a spa here and there =) =) =).. oh dear, but im on a tight budget, we have to pay 20% of 2 years worth down payment for the house in bandung next week. Mom had banked in twice already, money seems to be running through my fingers like water (argh).

Anyway, id like to share with you this song. i loike..mom loikes it as well..hehe..me and mom are fans of michael buble. .michael bubble as we adoring fans call him, mommys boy. Oh, by the way, these few days have been mighty depressing for me, what with the exams and all, i keep on remembering about someone (s). i wish i did not have to, because obviously no one is thinking of me either. Maybe it is just my mind playing games on me, knowing when my immune system is down, attack!! Speaking about immune system, my room has become a breeding hole for viruses. Maybe from my sudden allergy to cat fur, or my awful awful sneezing bouts, either one, i have been facing severe hay fever (if ever there was hay here). So right after exams, i opened my doors wide, pulled down the curtains and let the sun shine and wind blow away those cumbersome pathogens.

ps:when you remember someone, will the other person have telepathy to remember you as well, or will they go on with their life obliviously

pps:i need to morph out of this mess

ppps:cant wait for tomorrow. who says money cant buy happiness, just did not know where to spend it! =) =) =)

Saturday, 13 March 2010

I called Mommy last night, she was a bit late on picking up the phone. And when i was talking to her, she did not respond as quickly as she used to. Her reason, she just bought something that she had wanted for a long time and now here eyes are glued to it (dad said). I am happy for mom, finally buying something for herself, and not for her spoilt children (especially the daughter studying in Indonesia). I miss home~

--NOTE TO SELF --

someone asked how i felt~

I cried a few days ago, not because of homesickness, but because of something that some people did to me and my friends. I did not mean to cry, actually the incident did not perturb me at all, until other people started looking at me with pity, or hate, i dont know which. On the day it happened, i felt no emotions, just a bit sad, but as the day wore on, and people started to talk about it, it hit me..was i supposed to be embarrased, was i supposed to be ashamed, or was i supposed to be angry. I was smilling like a dumb fool the whole time, oblivious to the fact that the situation was actually getting chaotic.

When i went back home, and heard people talking about it, i still did not feel anything. But the day after that, as people STILL talked about it, it kinda left an effect on me. I do not feel hate, i do not feel revenge..but what i felt is just sadness, a huge sadness overcame me since that day, and that was the reason i cried~ I remember the times when i get angry or hate someone, and the hatred bubbles up to an enormous effect. The only thing that can calm me down is to remember the good things about the person, little things they do to help you, the smiles and laughter that you share, which are more important than anything else in the world. Sometimes, i just dont understand, why some people would throw it all away for materialistic and worldly things.Is it to prove a point?Is it to show someones weakness?Is it to show that you are right?Is it to get what you want?But in the end, is it all worth it? Is it worth hurting people that had been there for you all this while? Is it worth it letting down the people who had backed you up when other people were against you?

tell me, is it worth it~If what you did was right, then why does it feel so wrong~

It takes forever to know yourself, and it takes years to know someone else. From the outside, we all seem like the perfect human beings, but we determine how right that picture is. I am not perfect, i admit, but i would like to be as close to perfect as i can. We all have our own moments of weakness, and at that particular moment, we must think hard on making the right decisions to make ourself stronger. If we choose the right way, things would turn out best in the end even after many obstacles. But if we take the wrong way, stop yourself before it is too late, turn back and start again on our path in this world.

I dont know, this is just me..maybe some people dont want to know how i feel. but this is how i feel ...

Friday, 12 March 2010

I learnt a valuable lesson today, actually i learnt many lessons today.

** I did something, and said something, out of spite to someone i dislike. And because of that, as of this moment, i am facing a dilemma of which i unfortunately regret.

Anyway, today was a very busy day for me. I had to run errands since the moment i opened my eyes this morning as the sun was rising from the tips of the misty blue mountains, dotting the horizon. There were bank errands, and printing errands,and just about any type of errands under the sun. I managed to finish everything, and about 11 am, i was off to Bandung. I had to meet my thesis doctor today, settled some documents, and after walking around like a mad hooligan in the hospital, finished everything i needed to do, and went to get myself a Macca. (McDonalds)

I had packed all the things i needed to sit down and study. I was with 2 other friends, and we notoriously took up the whole birthday room for our own use, even after some slight stares by the employees. The room was a bit stuffy (maybe the McD people switched of the ac on purpose), but each of us grabbed a table, facing the huge window and ate and studied for hours on end. I felt great, finally i was studying. If i was in my room, i swear i would have dozed off after 5 minutes. We sat there, studied, talked, laughed, gossiped, ate and be merry for more than 4 hours. As the day grew dark, we packed our things and got ready to go back.Just about then, another friend asked us to join him for dinner, and as we were still capable of eating more, the 3 of us agreed.

So, we stuffed our overloaded intestinal tracts with food, food and more food. I had a great time laughing my head of at the classy resto, drinks were exchanged, i laughed until i cried crocodile tears. As the night wore on, we listened as this friend gave us some advice about life, the challenges that lay ahead and the road which never ends. On our journey to reach our goals, there will be many setbacks, some will motivate us to move on, while others are so tough, that we just want to give up. A hard life is a test from God, but an easy life is an even tougher test from God. He told us a story about someone who had a very easy and blessed life, and within a few years, everything went downhill. I was sad to hear it, and i sincerely heard every single word of the story, something to remind me of how i lead my life. I wish i could tell you the story, but i would have to ask permission first. In a nutshell, our life can change from zero to hero, and from hero to zero in a nanosecond. So, every second of our life must be rejoiced, every minute our heart beats must be thanked and every step we take, should be taken in gratitude.

At this moment, i would like to thank Allah for giving me reminders everywhere i go. When i forget Him sometimes, I hear Him whispering into my thoughts. When i loose myself, He opens up other ways for people to remind me. And i am thankful for that, pray that His reminders will always be with me until the day i breathe my last breath on earth.~

Oh ya, what goes around comes around.

I have been very nasty lately, i say things i hate myself for saying, and i do things just out of spite. Now it has all come back to me, yeahh, serves me right. I cant tell you what it is about, but I think i am getting what i deserve. (oh noo~~~). What you do determines who you are, and everything happens for a reason. My very principles that i have forgotten. I just would like to take this opportunity to tell myself, (and if you want to listen, you as well, ) that no matter what someone does to you, you must never do the same thing to that person, at all costs. Remember, you have a high set of values for yourself, so why scoop so low to reach the level of that person. What goes around comes around, eventually, and when it does, make sure you are not in that circle to have to face something you dont want to. Smile, and look forward to the joys of life ahead of you, because i promise you that there are many more happy moments just waiting for you to drop by and say HELLO!

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

CanI tellyouabout some of the Things I like1. The smell after the rain.

2. The smell of soft, fresh laundry, sun kissed.

3. Alsolike people who smell nice, because believe it or not, I smell you!

4. The smell of roses, fresh roses, and anything to do with roses.

5. So, since i like smells, its time to tell you I am an avid collector of perfumes. My favourite perfume in my collection is by Salvatore Ferragamo. The perfume I wish i have though, is the classic Miss Dior Cherie, Christian Dior

5. Likes simple things that make me happy, like a good plate of bihun goreng, served with ayam goreng.

6. I like to laugh out loud, until i cry. I can laugh and cry at the same time. I just like to laugh..Make me laugh, that is your ticket to knowing who I really am.

7. Likes to enrapture myself in music. My playlist is always on with songs that capture my mood.

Monday, 22 February 2010

There is this purple bookmark on my desk, it has been lying there for days. I have no time to clean my room, actually, i have lots of time, but all i can do is stare into space. The shine of the metal bookmark caught my eye, the edges done beautifully with ribbons and beads. "Great thoughts come from the heart" is carefully carved into the top. I cried this afternoon, i do not know why. Weak, that is I. I can smile and laugh to others, but my heart is aching inside.

What a power the heart is isnt it? where your emotions hide, where your love blossoms, where memories ache and evolve. Tucked on the left side of our body, it pumps blood through every inch of us. Not stopping for a minute, for a second, it spreads the blood, filled with who we are again and again. When we are born, the heart is clean, pumping innocently, coarsing our veins and arteries. And as we grow older, little dots of sins spot our once pure heart. That same heart will be pumping our every deed through us, as what we think, what we eat, what we do...in the end determines who we are...

Pepatah Melayu Berkata: Ikut Hati Binasa~

I first really took notice about the power of the heart when i drove in Indonesia. The roads are a maze, weaving in and out, they all look the same. But when I am lost, or cant decide which way to turn, I always, always ask my heart which way i should go. And so far, my little heart has never lied to me. Whenever my heart tells me to follow a road, but i end up thinking and contemplating about another and choose that, it turns out, the first thought that came to my heart is always right. Why do I trust my heart, pepatah melayu kata "ikut hati binasa", orang pula kata "fikiran hati itu hanya nafsu, kita harus berfikir dengan otak". I dont think that it is so, as everything all comes down to faith. When you have faith in your creator to guide you somewhere, may it be in life, or in a way, then your heart is the most powerful and reliable tool to have in your body. The heart is the instinct that we were born with~Do you know what Nafsu or Nafs means?

I do not want to sound like a hypocrite, so, i would just tell the truth. I thought Nafsu was bad, everyone tells me that when I do something bad, it is known as "ikut nafsu". But nafs, actually means SOUL. What you decide to be determines whether your soul is pure, or evil, therefore, nafsu is something that depends wholly on you. I have a friend, who always told me that in whatever I do, I would have to open my heart, free my soul and use it wisely. The secret to life is yearning for something with your soul, and the way to succeed is to put your whole heart into it. So, if you use the right part of your soul, you can then trust your heart into making a decision.

I think that when you want to do something evil, you blame your heart for choosing that way. But what really happens is, everyones heart, no matter how bad it is will always whisper to us the right thing. Setiap detik pertama di hati itu, lahir dari keikhlasan, keikhlasan itu lahir dari jiwa kita. But once we think, we give reasons to doubt our heart, and thus end up doing something that we would regret our whole life. I know, I have been there, done that.~

If you have time, read this, i think it is the most simple to understand.

Qalb- Heart2 meanings:1. The pine shaped organ located in the left; it’s a flesh of a particular sort. This is the physical heart. It’s a piece of flesh which is from the seen world and doesn’t have much worth.2. The spiritual heart, it’s a latifa, subtlety. The spiritual heart can be killed, can die, just like the physical heart. The spiritual heart is from the unseen, but has a connection to the physical heart. Majority of people are bewildered in perceiving its connection.

Ruh- SpiritThis also has 2 meanings:1. The subtle body- connection to the physical heart.2. The subtle thing which knows and perceives.As long as the spirit in your body is there, you are alive

Nafs- SoulIt’s essentially who you are.

Aql- Intellect2 types:1. Lower intellect, which is the brain2. Higher intellect, which is located in the heart

In summary:Heart- Place which we know AllahSoul- Who we areSpirit- The tool in which we love AllahAql- That what we know

All actions come from the heart, and all actions come from thought:

Thought- Heart- Action

1. The first thing that comes to the heart is a thought.2. The second thing that comes to the heart is the natural inclination towards that particular thing.3. The third thing is the judgement of the heart- if you should do it or not4. The fourth is having firm resolution and actually having the intention of doing it.

In the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd stages, you are not taken into account for it, its only when you get to the 4th stage, you are taken into account for. For example, a thought of stealing something comes to your heart, it then moves onto the next stage which is the inclination of the heart about stealing, then it moves onto the 3rd stage where you judge whether to steal or not, then the last stage is when you actually intend to steal, or don’t intend to steal. And its only at the 4th stage, when you have made that intention to do it, you are held accountable. You can’t control the thoughts that come to your heart. Sometimes they come even if you do not want them to. No matter how many thoughts that come to your heart, you are not accountable as long as you do not intend to do it. With the stealing example, you will only be held accountable if you actually reach the 4th stage and intend on stealing. You can have all the thoughts and inclinations, but its only when you actually intend on stealing, you are held accountable for it.

I know it has been a long time since i have written about all these. Keimanan seseorang itu, kadang kala naik, kadang kala menurun. I as a human being, have these ups and downs, we all do. But we must try to change it, no matter how small or little our effort is. Keep the heart bursting with trust towards the Al-Mighty, and He shall reward you with His most powerful gift, Your Heart.~

ps: To make your heart strong towards all the test that He has given you, add courage, faith and trust to your daily happy meals =)

Over the sea and far awayShe's waiting like an IcebergWaiting to change,But she's cold insideShe wants to be likethe water,

All the muscles tighten in her faceBuries her soul in one embraceThey're one and the sameJust like water

Then the fire fades awayBut most of everydayIs full of tired excusesBut it's too hard to sayI wish it were simpleBut we give up easilyYou're close enough to see thatYou're.... the other side of the worldto me

On comes the panic lightHolding on with fingersand feelings alikeBut the time has comeTo move along

Then the fire fades awayBut most of everydayIs full of tired excusesBut it's too hard to sayI wish it were simpleBut we give up easilyYou're close enough to see thatYou're.... the other side of the world

Can you help me?Can you let me goAnd can you still love meWhen you can't see me anymore

Then the fire fades awaymost of everydayIs full of tired excusesBut it's too hard to sayI wish it were simpleBut we give up easilyYou're close enough to see thatYou're.... the other side of the worldOhh.... the other side of the worldYou're.... the other side of the worldTo me.

ps: This song played on my play list today, it kind of means a lot to me.

pps: i cant embed the videoclip, i dont know why. but you should see i guess

Sunday, 21 February 2010

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. We had our benchmarking exam this morning, I hoped I answered everything carefully. Although, it is hard to concentrate when you dont really want to. I answered as fast as i could, 200 questions just moulded into each other, not knowing which is wrong and right. I shut my eyes, flipped the pages shut and made my way down the stairs. I wore white today, the colour of faith, contrasting the little amount of faith i have left in myself. I grabbed my gray bag, the one i have been using for days out of no time to change. And i walked, looking down, "im not ready to face you yet world". I thought.

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. I arrived home at approximately 10.15, made myself some hot cocoa (much needed) and just stared at the ceiling. (something i have been doing a lot lately). At last, i decided, "i think i need to go out today, get some air". I asked a few friends out, maybe to catch a movie, i said. Not knowing what lay ahead today~ EMBRACE

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. Suddenly, a 16-wheeler lorry swerved to my lane. I heard my friend gasp, maybe she could not scream anymore. The wheels were an inch from my tyres. I could not think of anything else, all i thought was that i never got the chance to speak to you today. I shut my eyes for a split moment. My friend was still screaming that gasp, my heart was racing, you can almost feel the arteries protrude from underneath the flimsy cloth. My side of the car was a smokes inch from hitting the highway divider, the passengers side was now a centimeter from being crushed into a million pieces. I opened my eyes, my legs charged on the brakes as hard as they could, and the car came to an abrupt halt, our lives were dangling on a thin line, waiting to be taken away.

But God has other plans for me, doesnt He? The megastructure-of-a vehicle swung back to his lane after realizing that he almost crushed us and i was left with trembling fingers, clutched tightly on the wheels. My thumping heart slowed its staccato, and i escaped again the rhythm of death, for today at least. Thank You for giving me another chance to live~

Jangan bersedih~

I arrived with an empty stomach, only partaking on honey and yoghurt this morning. We decided to do some house hunting today, InsyaAllah, in July or so, we would be able to pack our things and move to Bandung. We pertained the help of a senior, of which i am so grateful to have received, and we drove around searching for some place that could finally be called our future home. The world is small is it not? We were introduced to this man, who incidentally, was the eldest brother of one of my doctors in Jatinangor, who, incidentally teaches our batch this year. We sat there, as he told us humorous stories, and fed us full with rambutans from his backyard. We got all the information we needed and went on our search for house hunting. I like to call it REJEKI, as we did find a house which was almost, just almost perfect. We would just have to wait and see if everything works out. InsyaAllah~

After the long search, my grumbling stomach could not take it anymore, and we headed to McDonalds for a late lunch. I probably gobbled up my lunch in 20 seconds, seriously. I even finished all the french fries, which i have never done before. Our plan was to catch a movie at 3.45, alas, it was not meant to be. We arrived late, and the only movie next was at 6.45 pm. So, we waited, we had to, everyone was saying this was a good movie!

I know everyone else has watched it, but to those who have not, i think you should really see it. I thought it was some soppy hindhi movie, but evidently, it is not at all. I liked it. I think you can trust my judgement on a movie ey? Its a story about the things that divide us, unite us and combine us. There are only two types of people in this world, those who are good and do good things, and those who are evil, and do evil things. You decide who you want to be~ I enjoyed the movie immensely, and after 3 hours of it, (although it is a sad movie, i felt much better)

Well, accidentally of course, and for free! And I was there just in time to hear him sing, his voice sounds exactly the same live. We were standing quite near the stage too! Anyway, he made me smile today. I told you, there are a million things that can make us happy, just wait for it. Well, i know i am writing nonsense nowadays, but atleast i am starting to write again right? Anyway, i have my tae kwan do grading tomorrow, and i have to wake up early. I should probably get some sleep right about now.

Friday, 19 February 2010

That was what i felt like when i woke up today, my head was throbbing from a late night staring at the ceiling, awake, feeling numb. My eyes felt like someone poured acid into them, dried from too much tears. i Hate This. I just want my normal life back. Define normal, pray tell.I did not go to class today, even though it was an important one. Sometimes, you need a day to feel free, i have done this before, people say i like to run away from facing my problems. Maybe they dont understand that i need to get away to clear my mind. I know, i do run away. But when i come back, i hope to come back with strength to face my life which at this point can be considered nearing ground zero.

The doctor diagnosed me as V V V hypotension. I diagnose mysef as emotional hypotension. My blood pressure was too low, explaining the throbbing headache. I went back, stared at the ceiling and I feel numb again.

Sunday, 14 February 2010

I dont understand. I completely dont understand. One moment, my internet and laptop is fine, and the other moment, it just horrendously changes into this monster which is not user friendly anymore. My blog is back to its trouble making, and i cant seem to change fonts anymore. My facebook is so weird, i dont feel like opening it. at this point, may i say life sucks for me. thank you. do have pity on my dear soul.

There is this negative vibe today, and i have been trying to get rid of it. It might be because of my slight fever, or its just what i am feeling today. Anyway, i woke up at 6 this morning, went for a jog for 3 hours (woohoo!!), tried out a new porridge stall (yucky) and watched 6 episodes of vampire diaries. I think the jogging helped to tune down my fever, its only partially there, but my negative energy is still surrounding me just as yet. What do you do when you think that something is bothering your mind and thoughts, but you just cant seem to know what it is. *sigh*

Owh, did i mention to you i was really out of luck today. I played pool for over an hour,and i sucked big time. I dropped my wallet, apologized and spilled drink all over the shopping mall floor, and apologized some more. It is just not my day. My car is having car troubles, my room is a mess, and my brain is malfunctioning. I cant even write properly on my blog. Argh.

Monday, 8 February 2010

Saturday, 6 February 2010

Again, i started yesterday, very focused indeed since my last post was on focusing on certain things. Class only started at 1, so my focus span was reachable. I still have not finished my thesis though, since i did not really focus on doing it last night. I keep watching tv before i go to sleep nowadays, and sleep while the idiot box is still making noise, the study lamp is on, the laptop is oozing with brightness, and my cat, erm, my cat is doing somthing to my teddy bear,sleeping above.. (ps: you really don't want to know what he did to the bear..but one of these days, i would share the video(s)..

Recently, i started on this routine of looking better after myself. My Ustazah once told me, (heyy,whats with the look??=P)Anyway, my religious teacher once told me, when i was a kid, that, he things you do everyday, that contribute to your well-being, is a duty, but when you do the same thing, sincerely, in the name of Allah, you will be rewarded more than a duty.

So, in the name of this next step, i have decided to do some simple things that you may think is nothing, but to me, they affect me alot.

step numero uno = WHAT YOU EAT IS WHAT YOU ARE

- i have started cooking for myself lately, even though i'm not a fantastic cook that is. But it just feels great to know that your own clean hands are the ones at work. The hands that feed you, are your own. True to the sayings that, what you eat is what you are, I have now added more nutricious things to my daily meal, which once had only consisted of AYAM SAKE (which i am addicted to), gorengan from the canteen, and some yucky ordered food,which i stuff down my throat for the sake of eating.- Now, my daily dose of diet consists of lots of fruits (jatos sells fruits too expensively=/), lots of vege, and oh yeahh, BROWN RICE! My friend, Irika is doing a thesis on brown rice, and i hope her results are that it does affect the cholesterol levels, meaning that it lowers it (oh please do!!).. Brown rice is supposed to be much healthier, and you know what, it seriously does not taste that bad. Wait, did you think i was on a diet?? No, my dears, im merely on a path to being a wholesome, healthier me!!(haha)- Then, i have been trying to cut down my weakness for everything sweet. I could die out of my hunger pangs for sweet things, literally! By the by, i have to tell you a secret, jeng3! My triglyceride level is above normal, supposed to be some genetic malfunction. So, i really have to be careful in what i eat and what i do. But, God sent me down on earth with some sweet tooth, and i have been savouring sweet stuff ever since! So, what i am doing now, is to cut down in ordering ES TEH MANISor any other sweet drinks, and since i am cooking myself,it is easier. One more thing, i am trying to cut down on the KICAP and the SOS which even though tastes good, are one of the culprits of a bad diet.- ** Have you ever heard of the saying, that the chef of the food that you eat, also influences who you are. For example, if he prays a lot or if the person is good, the food that you eat is more blessed. I do not know whether that is true, but, as i said, what you eat, in the end eventually becomes who you are.

(i kind of feel like i am writing one of those health posters you see at the clinic, omaiigatt)

Dates:The Prophet (SAW) said that a house without dates has no food. It should also be eaten at the time of childbirth.

Figs:It is a fruit from paradise and a cure for piles.

Grapes:The Prophet (SAW) was very fond of grapes – it purifies the blood, provides vigour and health, strengthens the kidneys and clears the bowels.

Honey:Considered the best remedy for diarrhea when mixed in hot water. It is the food of foods, drink of drinks and drug of drugs. It is used for creating appetite, strengthening the stomach, eliminating phlegm; as a meat preservative, hair conditioner, eye soother and mouthwash. It is extremely beneficial in the morning in warm water.

Melon:The Prophet (SAW) said: “None of your women who are pregnant and eat of water melon will fail to produce off spring that is good in countenance and good in character.”

Milk:The Prophet (SAW) said that milk wipes away heat from the heart just as the finger wipes away sweat from the brow. It strengthens the back, improved the brain, renews vision and drives away forgetfulness.

Mushroom:The Prophet (SAW) said that mushroom is a good cure for the eyes; it also serves as a form of birth control and arrests paralysis.

Olive Oil:Excellent treatment for skin and hair, delays old age, and treats inflammation of the stomach.

Pomegranate:The Prophet (SAW) said it cleanses you of Satan and evil aspirations for 40 days.

Vinegar:A food Prophet Muhammad (SAW) used to eat with olive oil. [That's now a fashion in elite Italian Restaurants]

Water:The Prophet (SAW) said the best drink in this world is water, when you are thirsty drink it by sips and not gulps, gulping produces sickness of the liver.

So “darood” and praise be upon our beloved Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (SAW) who related us with marvelous knowledge, which dazzles the wisest minds. May this information be beneficial to all of us.Insha’Allah.

# 2 WORKING OUT WILL MAKE YOU GREAT INSIDE OUT

-i have a bad knee,it was the outcome of a bad knee injury, i now run like my right leg is shorter than my left, and i cant run as i used to.true story- mom does not like it when i tell her i go for aerobics, or a jog. she tells me to stick to exercise that does not put pressure on the leg. Mom, you know my passion is to run. I feel free, i feel light, i feel i am on top of the world. But alas, you cant practically feel on top of the world when you cant even run properly right?- anyway, i thank God that i have a friend who likes to work out as much as i do, because you need a friend to motivate you, and to make sure that each of you dont slack on the exercise. If you really want to have a routine exercise, try find someone who has the same interest in keeping fit.-My routine used to be daily gym visits, tae kwan do, tae bo, swimming and jogs. But, when i did it everyday, i felt utterly exhausted at the end of the week. Don't get me wrong, it was great, but you have to do things moderately, because when i went to the extreme once, my muscles started to twitch even while i was at rest. true story!- Now, i try to have a more balanced work out routine, and hope i can find better alternatives that would not hurt my knee. Hmm, after this rainy season:

a) gym on mondayb)swim on tuesdayc)rest on wednesday??d) tennis or golf sounds fantastic, although dad injured his ligament forever during tennis, and i don't exactly know how to play golf? on thursdayse)gym again on fridaysf) rest on saturdays??g) jog on sundays

how does this plan sound??

**ok people, it is time for Nadya to take a bath, (still in the pouring sweat of todays refreshing jog)

Friday, 5 February 2010

i do call it a ver blessed day today as i had slept 13 hours last night (woah!!).. tiredness from the thesis making perhaps? i should really be hitting myself for not blogging a lot...seriously...i keep making empty promises. that is one thing i would like to change about myself, somtimes, i promise myself that i would like to become someone great, but how can you become someone great when you dont put 100% focus in what you do. focus is very important, and it is the first part of self loving..

The other day when i went back, i found tis old game of tetris that mom likes to play, call me old-fashioned, but i love the game. do you remember it? it was born before game-boy, before play station ever existed...there was the game of brick-o-bracks...a mind game of shelving bricks and stacking them before the next level. Me and mommy had daily championships to see who could win, an when we played it, we forgot about everything else.

We would not listen to what other people were saying, we forgot about the boiling hot soup n the kitchen, and we would be oblivious to our surroundings. our brain was focused on one sole thing---to stack a brick!! At the end of the day, me and mom would laugh it off, and mom would say, if you really focus on something, then you are sure to succeed in it, true story...

To prove the fact, i would like to tell you about this thin, tall guy i used to know in high school. He had a british accent as his grandmother was o,ye queen of england (nay)..but was incidentally british. Anyway, he was on the debate team as i, and as my senior, i really looked up to him. He was smart, really good in religion, good in english (alas,not athletic).. but what i admired about him, was that he could balance his life so well. He told me, in whatever he did, he gave his 100% focus. When he studied, only his studies were on his mind. When he was debating, only debate was on his mind..And thats how he succeeded. I keep to his words until today, but theoretically...forgive my weakness...i have yet to practise them.

**People who succeed are the people who know how to compartmentalize their brain. Studies, business, leisure are all different rooms with different keys to unlock them. When you unlock them, you can spend as much time as you want in the room, but when it is time to go out, you keep it under lock and key so as not to interfere with your other rooms.

**People who lead awesome lives, are born the same way as you and me ...it is just that they found the right way to live it...maybe you and i haven't..

**So it is time,that we do something about it, i do not want to sit on my back, be a potato couch.

Friday, 15 January 2010

Tronoh is kind of hot as usual, i do sweat profusely when i am here,what more with the fact that i don't go out much. I just enjoy the laid back life i lead here, instead of the immaculate image that i keep on going way back there. Today was no different than any other, I am taking care of Daddy as he just recovered from an operation on monday. The Doctor told him, no driving, no farming and no hardwork. Dad, being dad disregarded most of the doctor's orders. He unwittingly ate his antibiotics 2 at a time even though the prescription specifically saidmakan satu dua kali sehari. i even had to tell him of yesterday as i saw him picking up a pot in the garden in broad daylight.

And today, was worst of all. He was told not to drive for at least a month, so i was dispatched as the family driver this holiday. I did not mind at all, and told dad he could tell me to get ready and i would drive him straight away where he wanted to go. At 3 pm, mom went of to work, so i was left alone with dad. 3.15 pm, i asked 'daddy, just call me when you are ready to go to the bank'. 3.30pm, i saw him change into his favourite brown pants from his previous kain pelikat and asked whether or not he wanted to go out already. He said he wanted to wait until later. At 4pm, i fell asleep, and dad sneakily took out the 4-wheel drive and turbo-ed down to town triumphant that he could drive around once more without my knowledge! I woke up to find the house empty, the car not in the drive way and called Dad straight away. He picked up the phone with the most guilty voice ever, and winced that he would be back in just a few minutes. Well, at least he got his few minutes of freedom. (ps:my dad is very degil, so is his daughter)

When my dad came back from his euphoric trip, at the same time, my sister arrived from johor,and my mother came back from work. We were laughing about daddy sneaking out from the house when suddenly, we heard a soft distinct Assalamualaikum, asaalamualaikum...Mom got up to peek through the glass-panel door and saw a small timid boy amidst the cars on the lawn. She beckoned him to come through the gates and asked what he wanted. The dark tanned boy, wearing an oversized songkok looked up at my mother with tired eyes, his voice low, parched from the hot sun. saya jual cd agama, ni untuk sumbangan ikhlas, rm10 satu.

"Adik lapar x, nak minum x?", asked a corncerned mom. The little boy answered no, but mom directed me to get something for him to drink from the fridge. The orange juice was very sour, even i did not like it, so i decided to give him cold soy bean drink instead. As i handed him the glass, the little boy, with a glass of drink in his hands and a handful of cds in the other, stopped for a moment to think of how to drink. (they teach in religious schools to drink while sitting). In the end, he squated on the orange tiled floor, drinking deeply, his small fragile body quivering with every single drop of the creamy fluid. I held back tears. Mom told me to take out the rattan chair in the hall, and gave it to the boy so that he could drink in comfort, without needing to squat. The small boy smiled gratefully. I really cant describe with words the emotions i felt at that time, I seriously cant. I wish i could show you...

The boy left after mom gave him the rm10 he needed to sell a cd. The boy's image never left my heart.

I saw him go...I saw him walk away...

What should i do? What can we do? People everywhere are using these children, whether they realise it or not. Some go from table to table at a restaurant, asking for money, for a so-called charitable organization. Some, like that boy just now go around asking people to buy religious products. Is this right Muslims? Aren't you ashamed of using children to do this for you?These children are supposed to be at school, at home, watching tv, reading books, and not going around asking for compassion from strangers.What if they were kidnapped, human trafficked half way across the globe? No one would notice, and they would always remain anonymous, just another statistic.

I wish i could do something more.

While my mother gave this boy a simple gesture of this soybean drink, i remembered something. Everytime when i watch a movie with really bad subtitles in Indonesia, I notice that they translate love as soy bean cake. Lots of movies, not only one on their pirated vcds. This child may not have his mothers love, may not have the love he needs from the people responsible towards him, but at least today, he received some love from a complete stranger, my mother..she gave him a piece of soy bean cake today.

One day, i want to give my soybean cake to the children who need it. Spread the love~

I drove my mother yesterday to the small town of Batu Gajah to pay her bills on a hot sunny day. It was like any other usual day when anyone would pay the bills except for today, i was with my mother who would usually do the chores on her own. While she paid for the taxes,she was complaining about how much we had to pay for the house in Batu Gajah, the yearly assesment of the house was, shockingly very expensive, amounting to RM1000 per year! My parents have been paying that amount for years since we did not live in Perak before, and thought it was how much we were supposed to pay. But as the years went on, and we asked around more, it was impossible that such a place could amount to that much. A house in Kuala Lumpur had a yearly assesment of only RM400, and another house in the outskirts of Selangor reached up only to RM200. This was absurd!

After a few moments thinking about whether or not we should deal with this problem, we decided that we should just face the music. Besides, Majlis Daerah Batu Gajah was just around the corner. My mother told me, don't be shocked when you see the building, it looks like a hotel. In my mind, i did not picture it to be like what i actually saw. The building was huge, every single detail was given to its architecture and landscaping, spacious parking lots were strewn everywhere. I could not believe my eyes! Batu Gajah town was a far cry from the Majlis Daerah building, there is a lot of rubbish, the buildings look dilapidated and the roads are not as magnificent as the ones leading to their office. To make things worse, the Majlis Daerah building is situated right beside the Batu Gajah library, the library was another distant cry from that majestic building. It is a small wooden kampung house, converted into a library.

When we walked into the vast offices, the very cold air conditioning system greeted us. There was no one at the counter, even after we buzzed the bells a dozen times. Some officers saw us, but went on going as if we were not there. Finally, someone came to our assistance, after a long wait, and said, there is a meeting going on. But if there is a meeting, why does everyone have to go, even the people who are supposed to be at the counter. On a good note, when we filed our complaint, they were effective in finding out the problem. It turns our, our yearly assesment was only RM200, but somewhere along the way, someone had charged our bills amounting to RM1000. Isn't that a big difference, and my parents have been paying that amount for more than 5 years, (we were told that Majlis Daerah does not keep any archives for more than 5 years, all the previous records were deleted)

When I asked about the library, they said, it was not under their jurisdiction. Then who does the library belong too? The people. Who should be in charge of the peoples welfare? I think you know the answer to that.

I am in the medical field, and to tell you the truth, i am aghast at the situation i faced that day. Have you ever walked down the halls of a government hospital, and compared it to the majestic halls of Majlis Daerah, then you would know the difference. In a government hospital, the doctors do not even have enough space for their own desk, some have to share the same cubicle, meeting hundreds of patients a day. When i walked in the Majlis Daerah, it was so huge, you could hold tea parties there, and no one would notice it. It has been happening everywhere and everyone is turning a blind eye. The lament about the mistake of our assesment is just a small complaint. For me, the most important thing i see is the unfairness and injustice that we, the rakyat has been done. The people of Malaysia has been paying high taxes, hoping in turn to get a beautiful country, no rubbish, lush green parks and well planned towns. But what i see here, is that all the money is sent to Majlis Daerah to beautify its buildings, landscape its horizons and only partially give back its responsibility towards the people.

I walked out from Majlis Daerah Batu Gajah with a very sad heart. If this is what is happening to our country, where libraries are not important and the people are not well taken care of, and that things would turn for the better one day. I still have high hopes in Malaysia still being a thriving country, lets pray my hopes are not dashed.

Thursday, 31 December 2009

i woke up today with a smile, as about a whole lot of days now. do you want to know why, well..its because i sleep with my super-duper cute cat-dog who is notoriously cheeky and cunning. I love him to bits even though he is just a normal cat. (sindhu says he acts and looks like a dog). Bubu (or Biu Biu as the vet calls him) has been starting to act really cute in the mornings. i dont know why, maybe he gets hungry, maybe he wants to go out of the room. He would curl up right beneath my eyes, or suddenly lean his soft fuzzy head on my legs with a gigantic thump. Seriously, it melts my heart.

I found this blog through a friend of a friend who was following this blog as well. IT tells the tale of a young woman, in her 20s who has succeeded in opening her very own yoga studio which i do find posh indeed in damansara. What is the most interesting thing is that, i think she resembles me in a way. Like me, she is a girl who is vertically challenged i.e not tall but with her own big dreams in hand, she is now a very succesful woman owning a yoga studio where the rich and famous come to stretch their biceps and triceps.

She tries to tell people about how yoga is not banned in malaysia except for the ones that include all the religious chant, and that what she is doing is just another form of exercise like tai chi or something. Sometimes, going against the monotonous wave of what other people think is hard, but thats what you have to do to stand by what you think is your right.

Underneath all her fame, she is very humble and always remembers her family and religion. As i am, she is also a die hard fan of Yasmin Ahmad, who was both loved and hated just because she had a different way of thinking, a soul who wants to revive our race, our nation, our religion, but whom people close their minds to, not trying to think about new things.

It all comes down to identity, as my mother always say to me. I grew up under the value that IF EVERYONE IS THINKING OF THE SAME THING, THEN NO ONE IS THINKING AT ALL

and i am glad i grew up like that. I want to be someone who can think for myself, not afraid to be different. Everyone was born to be someone special in this world, someone with amazing capabilities, just waiting to be unlocked. The difference between all of us is that some people would stand unwavering, to unlock the magical wonders of their minds and bodies that God has given them, and finally succeed in life. While others stumble and fall before they get to find the key to unlock themselves.

So, i want to promise myself that

I AM NOT AFRAID OF BEING DIFFERENT

I AM NOT GOING TO BE JUST ANOTHER FACE IN THE CROWD

I AM GOING TO BE SOMEONE IN THIS WORLD

So, i guess i started with doing something different today. Other days, i or anyone else would just drink tea and sugar. Today, as a start to accepting our own difference, uniqueness and self, lets toast our new day with some tea with lime and honey! =)