7 Sneaky Ways to Destroy a Marriage

The less common reasons marriages fail

With a failed marriage under my belt, I’d like to think that I know a thing or two about relationships — or at the very least, how to destroy them. We all know the obvious reasons that marriages fail: things like infidelity, dishonesty, addiction, and domestic violence. There are other ways, however, that marriages can be brought to an unfortunate end. If you’re looking for a long, slow marriage death of your own, here are 7 sneaky ways to successfully destroy your marriage.

1. Stop putting out.

This one is first because honestly, it just might be the most effective. A surefire way to create emotional distance between you and your partner is to create a wide chasm between you physically. So if you’re looking to start down the path of marital destruction, my advice to you is to lose interest in doin’ the mattress mambo. It won’t take many instances of refusing your partner’s advances before they start giving up on the physical side of things.

2. Give your partner a reason to lose respect for you.

Losing respect for your partner is another sure-fire relationship killer. I’m not saying you’ve gotta go out there and start kicking puppies or anything. It can be a lot more subtle than that. Try breaking your promises, compromising your integrity, and no longer standing up for what you believe in. This will surely have your partner looking at you in a whole new negative light.

3. Become boring.

This option takes a little more time than some of the others, but can still lead to a successful breakdown in your marriage if you have the time on your hands. My suggestion is to stop pursuing hobbies, stop hanging out with friends, stop doing all those things that contribute to you being an interesting person. Try sitting at home every night in front of the TV with a bowl of chips. Eventually your partner will get sick of this and start looking for entertainment and spark elsewhere, I promise.

4. Let yourself go.

Yes, folks, I went there. I truly believe in the importance of good self-care. I’m not saying that we should expect a real-life version of Brangelina goin’ on, but I do think that we each have a responsibility to our partner and our relationship to take an interest in our appearance. Remember point No. 1? Well, having a little party for two is made a lot tougher if you find yourself physically repulsed by the person who is supposed to be making your motor hum. So if you want to turn off your partner and create distance between you, my advice is to stop making effort on your personal appearance. After all, who really has time for all that manscaping and working out anyhow?

5. Lose your identity.

You know those couples with joint Facebook accounts? Well, you could learn a thing or two from them. Like how not to have your own life and think for yourself. Take notes — their methods could definitely come in handy. It won’t take long before your partner starts looking at you and wondering what they saw in you in the first place.

6. Become stagnant.

No one likes a partner who never changes or betters themselves in any way. So if you’re looking to scare off the one you used to love, just stop making an effort with yourself. Don’t worry about excelling on the job, learning how to meditate, or figuring out ways to be a kinder person. Just let those goals go. Sit back and allow life to pass you by, and your partner to walk out the door.

7. Grow lazy.

You know those couples who go to a lot of effort for the sake of their relationship, the ones who recognize that anything good takes some effort? Yeah … forget you ever met them. While you’re sitting on the couch every night with that bowl of chips surfing your joint Facebook account, it’ll be easy to let your partner pick up the lion’s share of the housework. While you’re at it, be sure to stop with the “I love yous” and the kind gestures for no reason. And remember: nothing says “I don’t care about you anymore” like forgetting your anniversary.

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With a failed marriage under my belt, I’d like to think that I know a thing or two about relationships — or at the very least, how to destroy them. We all know the obvious reasons that marriages fail: things like infidelity, dishonesty, addiction, and domestic violence. There are other ways, however, that marriages can be brought to an unfortunate end. If you’re looking for a long, slow marriage death of your own, here are 7 sneaky ways to successfully destroy your marriage.