(Closed) Family Flake Out

I have a huge extended family. I have more than 25 first cousins and 9 aunts and uncles, and almost all of them have spouses and many of the cousins have children. When you do the math, that’s about 70 people. I don’t feel very close to any of them, but when we got engaged, all of the aunts and uncles and a few cousins verbally told me they would come to the wedding, even though it is where my fiance and I live, which is a two-hour plane ride away.

We can only afford a 100-person weddding, so when I created my guest list, I was very, very careful about who I invited, assuming at least 20-30 members of my extended family would come. Well, the RSVPs are coming in and they all flaked out except 1 aunt with lame excuses like, our in-laws are having a party that day or our grandchild was born 3 months ago and we can’t stand to leave her for a day.

Honestly, I’m relieved they aren’t coming because if they don’t want to be there, I don’t want them there, but now I have this huge hole in my guest list. We only have 34 confirmed people. Granted a bunch of friends and people from his side haven’t RSVP’ed either way (the deadline is June 1), but even if every single one said yes, and they won’t, we’d only have 91 people.

This is a dilemma because there were a bunch of friends and co-workers we didn’t invite to make room for these people. Now I have to get extra invites printed and feel like a jerk sending them out to B-listers. I can’t afford nice calligraphy like I did for the first set, so the new invites are getting ugly labels on their envelopes. And they’ll have a shorter time to RSVP.

Sorry for the long rant, but here are my questions: We are on the hook with the caterer to pay for 100 people no matter what. I’ve already sent out about 6 additional invites. Should I keep going until I get close to 100 accepted RSVP’s or should I cut my losses and have a tiny wedding? Also will the people on the B-list be offended they are on the B-list? I’m afraid they will figure it out because they didn’t receive a Save the Date and their invite is sooo late. Finally, am I right to be angry? I know none of these people ever sent back a written RSVP, but to tell me you are coming and then flake later? Especially since at least one member of my immediate family has been to all of their stupid events. Plus my father passed away when I was very young and not even one person from his family is bothering to show up. I understand why not all of them can come, but it’s hurtful to me that they didn’t one person to represent that side.

You can only afford 100 people so I would look at the bright side of this, you didn’t go over and you are not scrambling at the last minute. We planned for 100 people as well and maybe had 50-60 people come.

I am no help on the B-List. We verbally invited people a few weeks before the wedding; we had no more correct invites and we kind of thru formality out the window the closer it got. What about having the wedding party bring their family?

Also, after the wedding I was so frustrated because all I kept thinking was that we could have had such a kick ass venue if we knew half our people would end up coming rather than a bigger crappier place to fit everyone who was coming. HOWEVER. There isn’t anything you can do about this now! Kick that thought right out the window and focus on what you have and the fact that you’ll be married.

My opinion is that the people that are on the “b-list” are people you’d actually want there more than family, right? Friends, coworkers – these are the kinds of people you can be more frank with. maybe if you approach the b-list more like an OMG I’m so RELIEVED! list, it’ll be better received. If a casual friend that I enjoyed spending time with couldn’t invite me to her small wedding b/c she had to invite family, i’d understand if i was on a second list and probably be excited to hear they flaked. I don’t know if I’d be offended. Now, if it were a gift-grabby kind of b-list, that’s another story. Good luck! I think it’ll be better received than you think.

First- the people who didn’t get STDs probably won’t know that unless they are very close to people who did. So, no offense. And if they do know about the STDs and say something, just say that you under ordered so you sent them to people furthest from the wedding (other countries, states, etc.).

Second- if you are on the hook to pay for 100 people, no matter if 1 or 100 come, I’d keep inviting people until you are at or very near 100! Especially if they are people you want there, but didn’t invite the first round because of money issues. If people are rude enough to say anything about it, just politly explain that you ran out of invitations and the time difference between the first set and the second (even if you sen dout 3+ sets!) was the time it took to reorder, receive new ones, and send them out. hopefully they’ll understand and not hold it against you.

third- i totally get the flaky relatives thing! My dad’s side is all “we’ll totally be there!” verbally, but I suspect that when the RSVPs start rolling in, their cards will almost universally say No. Historically speaking, my dad’s family doesn’t like to attend things outside of funerals (werid, i know!). I am sorry your family is refusing to celebrate this joyous occassion with you, but be happy that those who really care will be there for you! 🙂 You’ll have an amazing day no matter what- 1 or 100 guests.