Thursday, September 28, 2006

Home Early Day!

Today you're going to come home early from work and you'll find your seventeen-year old daughter making out on the couch with a kid who is not her boyfriend of two years. Break it up and bring your daughter into the kitchen to talk this out.

'What happened to Larry?' ask her.

'More like what happened to me?' she'll say. 'He barely even notices me. Too busy with lacrosse. Hopefully when he finds out about Roger in there he'll remember where his priorities lay.'

'Does Roger know about Larry?' ask her.

'Roger's got a big axe to grind against Larry,' she'll say. 'They've been next door neighbors since kids and Larry always had the more expensive Big Wheels. Pissed Roger off. I'm his chance to finally hit back after nearly two decades of taking it in the face. Larry should be coming over to walk in on us any minute now.'

Ask her if it even feels good or is she going through the motions just to carry out a betrayal. She'll say come on, I'm like seventeen. It all feels good. Tell her to carry on, but to make sure Larry and Roger fight it out in the backyard in consideration of all the ceramics in the house. Your daughter will give you a quick salute then she'll run back to the couch and lift up her shirt.