While in Colorado, I missed ten days of door knocking, so there was a pile of lit to sift. One piece in particular caught my eye.

The rhetoric was standard-issue GOP: "It's YOUR tax money... It's YOUR life... It's YOUR right to vote on marriage." And of course, the inclusive clincher: "So why should YOUR LIFE be a political football?"

Right. Instead, use my gay neighbor's lives for field goal practice. Afterall, they don't pay taxes or have a life of their own. I wonder if they got to talk with the candidate?

And then I noticed the guy with the PhotoShopped hairline:
The blur tool was apparently turned loose on the background, as well. And why not, since the candidate himself specializes in producing right wing iconography.

Yes, Derek Brigham, the self-appointed Minister of Visual Propaganda for the Minnesota Organization of Blogs, is the closest thing the MOB has to a Tild, which is to say, not close at all. He also blogs, as "Chief" at Freedom Dogs.

I am not a fan of the man's politics or his design, but the fact that he actually publishes unvarnished opinions in a forum where voters could find them indicates a certain amount of, um, self-confidence.

Think about it. How many bloggers do you know who are fit to run for office, let alone serve? I know of a couple, but they post anonymously. As for actual candidate/bloggers, the ranks are thin. David Bly, a candidate for the House in district 25B, has been blogging since August 2003. Jay Pond, Green Party candidate for Congress in the 5th, could probably pull it off, but doesn't even have a campaign blog. And most campaign blogs, let's face it, are not the work of candidates.

On the other hand, imagine what campaigns would be like if candidates were required to blog steadily for two years before running.

Most would fold under the pressure of regular posting.

Some would be revealed as sociopaths.

Many would bore the electorate with their narrowness and lack of intellectual heft.

Minnesota Monitor would discover several paying others to blog for them or posting borrowed material without attribution.

And when someone asks, why don't you run?, you can say, have you read my blog?

Best of all, unpaid parking tickets will cease to be a measure of character. Attack sites and schmearmeisters like the Exposer would implode — because either the hopefuls would expose themselves or there would simply be too much material to ridicule.

*****It appears that Brigham is the creative sensibility behind this GOP lineup, which exhibits a certain brand consistency... or at least a shared wedgie for inspiration.Like most lawn signs this fall, these exhibit the strategy of confusing viewers about party affiliation. And have you ever seen more blue Republican signs?

Why are Sarah Durenberger and Gregg Prest "red" while all the other candidates in the GOP yard are "blue"? Perhaps because their incumbent opponents, Sandra Peterson and Lyndon Carlson are already blue — although Amy Klobuchar's blue didn't push Kennedy into the red column.

The traps were empty again. No bait was taken. No triggers tripped. And it is clear why.

The enemy is in full retreat. His resolve is broken. His forces scattered. It was our show of superior strength and unbending will that ultimately prevailed. That is why the incursions have stopped. All because we stayed the course.

After one night of no engagement with the mouse, we changed tactics. Some people say staying the course means doing the same thing over and over, even if it produces no result. But that's the definition of insanity, not leadership.

See, I understand what the naysayers don't. Tactics on the ground have to change. It's simple. Tac-tics. On the ground. That's how you win the peace. That's how you ensure security at home.

I did not report earlier how we tried to reason with the mouse. We cornered him, out in the open. We opened the doors to the outside and guaranteed him safe passage to freedom. He did not accept our offer. In fact, he saw it as a sign of weakness. Instead, he fled to a dark place to lie in wait.

While I was out of town, the GOP lawn sign crew must've finally passed through my neighborhood. On a Halloween candy run, I spotted one Mark Kennedy sign. It had replaced the University of Minnesota sign in the yard that said something like "Beware of Gophers."

Same message, different team.

Looking on the Gopher sports site to confirm the slogan on the lawn signs, now apparently withdrawn from action, I spotted this banner ad still up there. Remember, the October 21 game was a battle for the ages, with the Gophers squeezing out a 10-9 victory when they blocked a last-second North Dakota State field goal attempt.

The New York Times describes today how fiddling with stock option dates benefited executives in the dom-com boom era.

An option grant gives the holder the right to buy shares of stock in
the future at a predetermined “exercise” price.

Say, the option date is originally set at June 30, the end of the second quarter, when the stock is trading at $40 a share. The holder only has to pay that price in the future.

If the current market
price is higher than the price at which the option was granted, the
option holder captures the gain. Profits from options are subject to
income tax when the options are exercised.

Depending on the volatility of a stock during the quarter, moving the grant date can have a big impact on the price an executive would have to pay for his shares.

Just as an illustration, look this chart for UnitedHealth Group stock from July 2004 to October 2006. [Note: Violations reported for UHG involved options granted pre-2000, and this stock chart and tax examples are only to illustrate the concept.] For six consecutive quarters, the stock price hit its high or near-high at the end of the quarter, when an option date might reasonably be set. Sliding the date to the lowest price in the quarter results in an immediate discount of between $5 and $17 a share.

And that's just the gain from backdating, not any price appreciation between the grant and exercise dates.

The Times article focuses on another way to manipulate the gain — changing the reported exercise date, when the shares are acquired for the predetermined price.

Backdating an exercise
date can reduce that tax burden. By reporting an exercise date with a
lower price than the date on which the options were acquired,
executives may understate their gains and lower their income tax. It
may also cause their companies to take improper tax deductions, leading
to reporting problems down the road.

Let's use the same chart to represent potential exercise values — what a stock is worth when the holder buys it at the grant price. Adjusting the exercise date within the quarter could also result in a $5-$17 swing in our example, allowing the taxpayer to report a lower gain on the purchase, even though the stock was worth more when it was actually acquired.

And there's one more dodge.

In other cases, executives
can benefit by reporting an exercise date with a higher price than the
one on which the options were acquired. Instead of acquiring their new
shares with cash, executives sometimes use stock to pay the cost of
converting their options, including the taxes on the profits. A higher
market price means that the executive needs fewer shares to pay those
costs.

Let's say the executive has an option to buy 100,000 shares at $40. That means he has to come up with $4 million to exercise his option. An exercise date of July 1, 2006 (at $45) would require the exec to sell 90, 556 shares — to cover the purchase price plus money to pay a 15% capital gains tax on the profit — leaving 9,444 shares. But the executive reports a July 20th buy (at $50) for a $1 million profit, the tax is higher, but he only has to sell 83,000 shares to cover the purchase and the tax, leaving 17,000 shares.

If your head is hurting now, you're obviously not cut out to be a CEO. If your head is nodding enthusiastically, why are you here?

“What’s wrong with helping the American worker at the same time we are helping people around the world?” asked [Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions'] spokesman, Michael Brumas.

That question goes to the heart of an intensifying debate among wealthy nations about to what degree foreign aid is about saving jobs at home or lives abroad.[...]The wheat to feed the starving must be grown in United States and shipped to Africa, enriching agribusiness giants like Archer Daniels Midland and Cargill. The American consulting firms that carry out antipoverty programs abroad — dubbed beltway bandits by critics — do work that some advocates say local groups in developing countries could often manage at far less cost.

The condom makers of Alabama say that ending preferential government buying of Made in America condoms — at 5¢ apiece vs. 1¢ for Korean-made — will mean the end of their industry in the state. And their workers, mostly older women and single mothers who try to support families on $7-$8 an hour, worry they'll have to go back to the chicken processing plant. If they're lucky.

Since support of foreign aid is not high on the GOP agenda, tying appropriations to domestic benefits helps the medicine go down.

The article presents the issue well, but not whether there's a better trade-off.

Some say it is wrong to wage war against the mouse. I say they do not understand the threat.

They do not understand the mouse possesses deadly weapons of mass infection. It has already unleashed this unseen killer against hundreds of innocent Americans.

The Centers for Disease Control has identified countless secret sites and mobile facilities dedicated to the creation of Hantavirus, which is a precursor to the deadly Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrome — HPS.

Some have argued we should wait. For proof. For confirmation that the mouse harbors HPS capabilities. In my view, the longer we wait, the
stronger and bolder the mouse will become. Its viral capacity will proliferate, and Red Sand Road will become a more dangerous place.

Armed with this intelligence, I could not wait for the mouse to bring sudden terror and suffering. I could not permit my family to die horribly in a cloud of infectious aerosolized saliva and excreta.

Some say I am at fault for invading its Colorado habitat. That the mouse has not attacked Minnesota. I say it is just a matter of time.

Some believe we can address this danger by simply resuming the old approach to inspections and containment. But inspections were continuously foiled. Mice can gain entry through the tiniest of openings. Containment did not work in the past and it will not keep us safe in the future.

This resistance must be crushed, here. Before Golden Valley becomes Death Valley.

It is finished, then. One of two traps did its job and I roll over, satisfied. I can wait 'til daylight to dispose of the remains.

But then I reflect. My wife rises early and there is no sense subjecting her to the horrors of war. Two minutes later, I rise.

Flicking on the pantry light, I see the trap with a double load of super-glued peanuts still set on the floor. This was a new location, with the trap wedged against the bottom rim of the shelves, designed to limit the angles of approach. Apparently the enemy returned to the original battle ground, a sheltered site on a bottom shelf next to the trash bags.

I bend down to pay my respects. True warriors do not relish killing.

A peanut is still firmly attached to the plastic cheese pad. The trap has not sprung.

The last peanut was stale and dry roasted. It had already claimed several combatants before falling to this wily foe, but it was time for different tactics. Besides, these fat new peanuts were attached at some price. So tonight, we add the peanut butter.

We are making progress. We lost no peanuts last night. The enemy is on the run. Now, let's finish the job.

The first signs were the shredded edges of the bathroom rug. But it's okay now. Really.

My wife loves all creatures great and small, so this had to be a surreptitious mission. From my sister, I borrowed a Victor trap with a peanut already epoxied to the trigger. Smear a little peanut butter to freshen the peanut, set in pantry and no more mouse.

After the first night, the trap was sprung, the peanut butter gone and no body. A fluke, for sure.

Second night, same thing. Next morning, same thing.

Third night, how lucky can one mouse be? The trap was flipped on its back, behind the box of of trash bags. Mouse feces all over the place.

But no mouse. And a peanut gnawed down to stub.

I am not a warlike person. I will slide a matchbook cover under a spider and escort it outdoors. I will talk down an aggressive dog. I will swear at inconsiderate SUVs but remind myself why I should not try to run them off the road. I want our troops out of Iraq.

But do not mistake me for a pacifist. PETA is not on my Xmas list. My last fight, though long ago, ended with a knockout, and the bigger guy was on the ground. I do not quit.

Instead, I buy new mousetraps.

And fresh peanuts and super glue.

Meanwhile, it turns out my wife is onto me. My sister, the former undercover agent, has spilled the beans. Did Charlie kill the mouse?

But now I can prepare my killing machines in the open. I prepare the peanut for the new, improved trigger — which is a fake yellow plastic cheese with a much larger surface for securing the bait — by washing off the salt so it will stick better and not deter the mouse in case it is on a low-sodium diet. I puncture the super glue tube — the cheapest stuff, not the more expensive "does not stick immediately to fingers" brand. How incompetent do they think people are?

I apply the peanut, but it does not stick.In fact, it rotates in the pool of glue, and suddenly my finger... no, fingers are adhering to the peanut. I step quickly into the garage and spray my fingers with WD-40. WD-40 may work miracles, but it does not loosen super glue. In desperation, I read the package.

Will not bond polyethylene or ploypropylene.

SKIN CONTACT: For skin bonds, quickly soak in warm water and avoid use of excessive force to free bonded area. Gently pry fingers apart by rolling a paper clip or pencil...

You have got to be effing kidding me. It is too late to "quickly" anything. I am now walking around the house with my fingers giving the okay sign to a peanut.

The warm water eventually dislodged the peanut, but no progress on the "Okay." I am avoiding use of excessive force to free bonded area because I'd like to preserve my fingerprints, but the paperclip is a joke. So is a nail file and a Swiss Army knife, applied gingerly.

My wife is trying not to laugh and doing quite a good job. No typing for awhile, I guess, she says.

I am supposed to be slicing yams for dinner. I guess the joke is on her.

There's a serrated knife on the drain board. I begin a delicate sawing around the joinery at 10 o'clock. Or 2 o'clock, depending on your perspective.

Pastor Mac Hammond of the Living Word Church received recent notoriety for his apparently tenuous grasp of tax law — personally endorsing Michele Bachmann for the U.S. House during a church service. Hammond tried to backtrack after his remarks became public and it was revealed he didn't even live in the district of the woman he said he was voting for.

Despite his attempt to portray himself as naive, Hammond is no simple country preacher focused only on the Word of God. In fact, he presides over an earthly empire that must navigate the complexities of the IRS code.

Through a variety of initiatives extending far beyond the immediate confines of his 7,000+ member mega-church, Hammond pursues what he calls a God-Ordained Cause, a cause "aimed at overcoming disgrace to God's plan and people." He and other crusading ministers like Dr. Rick Scarborough are not out simply to convert believers, but to convert America and smite those standing in the way.

And in the process, collect a just reward. Hammond uses the tale of David and Goliath to illustrate:

In [I Samuel] verse 25, the Israelite soldiers described to David what would happen to the man who killed Goliath. They said, "The king will enrich him with great riches, and will give him his daughter, and make his father's house free in Israel." From this verse, you can see that God's reward will make you free and prosper you in your
finances and relationships.

[...]

David's slaying of Goliath had a profound effect on the armies of God. Verse 52 says, "And the men of Israel and of Judah arose, and shouted, and pursued the Philistines." As you participate in your God-ordained cause, you'll inspire others to get out of their ditch of fear and pursue God's high purpose for their own lives. This is the best measure of whether you're involved in a valid cause. If it benefits only you, it's probably counterfeit. But a God-ordained cause motivates and influences others to follow the Lord's will.

Take a look at some of Hammond's other
ventures:

CFaith, Your Online Faith Family. For a monthly membership fee, CFaith members receive online access to articles, sermons and daily devotions. Also available are email accounts, ISP services and Faith Guardian filtering software (can it block this blog?). Disclosure: I know one of the people who helps run CFaith for Hammond; he is a totally decent man. We don't get into matters of faith on the golf course.

The Winner's Way, broadcast online and Sundays on KARE 11 and INSP national Christian network. "Life is a race, but you don't have to run it alone to win."

Club 3 Degrees, the Warehouse District church/nightclub that has received ridicule from some Christians who believe it's wrong for the church to try to be "hip and ape non-believers in their 'fun'." It even has its own MySpace page.

Business Networking Group, where you can find a Christian mortgage, adoption, brake job, tax accountant or life coach. Did you know even the Timberwolves have a Christian events specialist? The church also hosts business fairs and special interest groups: "It is God's desire that we have good success in all that we do. It is our goal in the Finance and Career Groups to help our church body discover the biblical truths that will enhance their personal finances, help them obtain employment, and aid them in the professional world."

Christian Educationventures run by Living Word include Maranatha
Christian Academy, a pre-K through 12 private school, Maranatha College, Maranatha Storehouse, Glory to
Him Homeschool Co-op, and Living Word Bible Institute (LWBI), which provides Bible study certifications. Then there are the children's ministries.

Aviation. James M. (Mac) Hammond apparently is into flying. The FAA lists ownership of a Cessna 650 business jet and an EA 300-L, which is often used for stunt flying — plus recent ownership of a Cessna 501 single engine aircraft. Since Mac Hammond Ministries associate John Hammond's duties include "aviation," presumably the jet is used to get Rev. Hammond and staff to satellite churches in Eau Claire and Duluth.

If you think people who subscribe to a fundamentalist worldview may be demoralized by minor setbacks for Republicans in Washington, you need to spend a little time in the hermetic zones created by the Mac Hammonds of this world.

The time is now, and with your continued cooperation this God-Ordained Cause, this Heavenly Vision, this Historic Happening, this Opportunity for Obedience will result in the full potential of the worldwide FAITH FAMILY being released through the Internet to a world
in need!

[A Final Note: The display of this post was all screwed up when I previewed it. I had to go in and remove all kinds of formatting I didn't put there. Apparently, God knows all things, including html.]

I used to think Al Gore was the king when it came to condescension, but he only looked down his nose as he over-pronounced his words. Not like this guy, who whines through it...

"We're winning and we will win, unless we leave before the job is done," said the President, managing one tautology and a near haiku with only three two-syllable words in his description of a world without end.

"We're winning because we have not lost and we will have lost only if we say we have lost. So if we don't say we have lost, we will win when we have won."

At least that's how it translated back to English from the Arabic translation of the original.

*****

For those of us who oppose the war in Iraq but also have relatives
there in harm's way, art offers a way to help sort through our conflicted
feelings.

I missed the show, "War Games," when it visited Minneapolis in early 2005. "War Games" was the work of Kari Gunther-Seymour, an anti-war activist whose son was serving in Iraq. She reworked games such as darts, dominoes, chess and Scrabble to comment on war from a mother's perspective.

Gunter-Seymour returns to town with a new installation, "Diary of a Military Mom," opening November 4, with a reception for the artist from 5 to 9 pm at Susan Hensel Design, 3441 Cedar Av. S., in South Minneapolis. The show will remain through December, but the gallery is open mostly by appointment, so this is your best chance to see the work and meet the artist.

*****

My college radio station had a tradition of covering the Presidential elections with an all-night broadcast from the student union, complete with analysis and more in-depth coverage of state races — at least those that interested our student body, which was drawn from far beyond Minnesota.

The '68 Humphrey-Nixon contest came during my watch as news director. We ripped our reports from the news wire and kept a close eye on the TV networks as well. Since most of our listeners lived on campus, the event was really more of live spectacle than a broadcast, where students could come down and watch their friends play at being big time newsmen.

So when I heard MPR was looking for bloggers to join the audience at its live broadcast on November 7th, I raised my hand. You can join, too, either by requesting tickets for "Election Night Policy and a Pint" at the UBS Forum at Minnesota Public Radio, tuning in to The Current at 89.3, or on the web. There will be a webcast (hosted, I assume, by MPR) and, of course, live blogging. Here's how the promotional blurb describes it:

Steve Seel and Tom Crann will anchor a four-hour live webstream from
the forum as well as cutting into The Current to provide election
updates. The forum will host high-profile political bloggers from the
region who will update their blogs and and participate in the hosted
discussion. Steve and Tom will talk politics with local political
analysts and commentators and, where possible, connect with the
candidates themselves. Monitors throughout the forum will broadcast
the latest results from MPR and other sources while a DJ provides
entertainment during breaks in the action. [Between 7 and 11pm Tuesday night.]

Politically-themed snacks* and various refreshments (a limited amount of beer and wine) will be served.