its killing me.......

This is a discussion on its killing me....... within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; i turned 17 yesterday and it was one of the worst days of my life.I rowed non stop with the ...

i turned 17 yesterday and it was one of the worst days of my life.I rowed non stop with the family.My depression has became so severe now that i am snapping at the slightest thing and begging them for help.I stayed up all day and night having flashbacks and awfull thoughts flowing in and out of my head.I kept my family up because i didnt stop walking around the house all night.In the end it got so severe i threw myself down the stairs.I just want to die!I find everything so pointless(to an unimaginable extent).I dont have any friends or anything.I have lost everything and not one single thing interests me anymore.I havent left the house since xmas and i dont see anything outside.As far as emotional pain goes i am in absolute agony!I can not handle being alone anymore,i just want friends and a gf.However noone likes me and i feel like more of an entity.You could go through a whole listof hobbies,daily activities and such and i will just say theyre all pointless.I realy do not see a point to all my suffering and i cant take it anymore!!!I am so alone i ahte it.I never want to have a job or do anything.Nothing interests me it is so awfull.I dont think anyone has ever experienced this horrifying scenario i now find myself in.What i ahve just described barely touches the surface!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'v experienced alot of what your saying, but my depression isn't as severe. It comes and goes like at one moment I will be normal and content, then the next I'm pissed off at life and want to do harm/kill myself. It's all ups and downs. I try to leave the house whenever I can, just to pretend that I have some type of social life, even though I'm afraid to make eye contact and start conversations with other people and I only have like 3 friends. I don't have a gf as well it sucks so we are in the same boat there. Nothing really interests me except sitting around and feeling like shit. I could go on with the similarities, but you get it. Your not as alone as you think. Hope you feel better. Hope I feel better............

You are obv hurting right now. I was in that same situation a few month back. I didn't think there was any point in doing anything at all because I never saw a future for myself. I pushed away the few friends I had. I isolated myself to the point where people forgot I even existed. I wanted to die so bad.

I have real advice to give you.

Have you tried talking to someone about your problems? A doctor? I know it may seem pointless. I felt the same way. I thought that I didn't deserve to even tell the doctors my problems. But it really helped me to get it of my chest, then to start my recovery.

I hope you feel better soon, and know TTL is here to support and listen to you when ever you need to talk and vent.