Week 82: Picture This
This week's contest marks the first triumphant return of former Style Invitational Cartoonist Marc Rosenthal, the gifted illustrator whose offbeat stylings graced these pages until we kicked his butt out the door when we got tired of him. Tell us: Who are these people, and what are they doing? First-prize winner receives a talking Pee-wee Herman doll, which sold new in 1990 for $ 25 but for some reason shortly thereafter became a hard-to-find collector's item. We purchased it at an antique store, a little soiled and frayed at the collar, for $ 75. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 82, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via the Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Entries must be received by Monday, Oct. 17. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & The Ear No One Reads makes a last call for onomatopoeia, made-up words that sound like the sounds they are describing. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 79, in which we asked you to write double dactyls, a devilishly complicated and erudite poetic form we figured you could not possibly master, inasmuch as you are, as we have pointed out before, a battalion of doofs.
Well, we apologize. You turned out to be a battalion of doofs with a frankly astounding facility for literary arcana. Special mention to Inger M. Pettygrove of Arlington, who violated our rule that the rhyme had to be about someone famous but nonetheless produced this gem: "Hippety hoppity/ Inger M. Pettygrove/ Wanted three kids--'I don't/ Care what the sex is.'/ Lives in a house now so / Hypertesticular/ Said to her spouse, 'don't you / Have any X's?' " Likewise, special mention to Jim Hedlund of Springfield, who should send us a steamer trunk full of cash for publishing this: "Higgledy piggledy/ Betta M. Eskeli/ Constant musician/ Occasional wife;/ Gardener, mother, and/ Bibliomaniac/ Teacher, gourmet, and/ Love of my life."
Fourth Runner-Up:
Higgledy piggledy
Jacqueline Kennedy
Wed Ari the Toad as
Prince of her dreams.
Mythopoetically
Hoping for fairy tales,
But sometimes a toad can be
Just what it seems.
(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.)
Third Runner-Up:
Jiggery Pokery
President Kennedy,
Murdered In Dallas by
Oswald alone?
Incontrovertible
Evidence implicates
Elvis and O.J., says
Oliver Stone
(Chris Doyle, Burke)
Second Runner-Up:
Higgledy Piggledy
Style Invitational
Yahdahdah Yahdahdah
ThisIsOneWord.
Yahdahdah Yahdahdah
Yahdahdah Yahdahdah,
I know this ain't winning
But can't it be third?
(John Kammer, Herndon)
First Runner-Up:
Bibbity Bobbitty
Marion Barry and
John the aforementioned
Both came to grief.
Emasculation
Real or political
Isn't irreparable,
To their relief.
(Dorothy Gaillard, Woodbine, Md.)
And the winner of the fabulous one-slice toaster:
Chippety Choppety
Jean-Bertrand Aristide
Turned rather brutish but
Withstood the shock
Of returning to Haiti so
Tontonmacoutish
That now they are calling him
Reverend Doc.
(Kitty Thuermer, Washington)
Honorable Mentions:
Jiggery-pokery
Contraman Oliver
Asked for a permit to
Armpit a gun.
The judge said, "I'm sorry, it's
Jurisprudentially
Very much tougher to
Smuggle just one."
(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.)
Higgledy Piggledy
Marion What's-His-Name
Now back to serve us, this
Altruist bold.
Promising new days, he
Unegotistically
Seeks highest office
With Vistas untold.
(M. Gallagher, Oxon Hill)
Higgledy Piggledy
Lyndon and Ladybird
Lunched with Westmoreland, and
Got quite upset.
Asked if their troubles were
Gastrointestinal,
Johnson replied,
"It was something Viet."
(Carol Uri, Alexandria)
Diggety Doggety
Ollie the Senator
(Would-be, that is) doesn't
Merit the prize
Due to his penchant for
Swearing to numerous
Unsenatorial
Little white lies.
(Janis Marie Gibbs, xxx)
Wonkity Bonkity
Hillary Clinton
Wrote health legislation
To save our old bones.
Uncompromisingly,
Reps balked at covering
All U.S. citizens
But Paula Jones.
(David Gionfriddo, Washington)
Higgledy piggledy
Gilbert & Sullivan
Musical satirists,
Hardly sublime.
Unhesitatingly
Would have approved of their
Names being used in this
Ludicrous rhyme.
(Robin Pemantle, Madison, Wis.)
Higgledy piggledy
Musicotherapy,
New-age psychiatry
For the effete;
Best known for being a
Hexasyllabical
Word in which none of the
Letters repeat.
(Robin Pemantle, Madison, Wis.)
Higgledy Piggledy
President Aristide,
What do you look like,
O myth in the mist?
Geopolitically,
What do you stand for?
Is there something we're hiding?
Do you exist?
(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.)
Higgledy piggledy
Eleanor Roosevelt's
Voice on the radio
Shattered the night.
People found Eleanor's
Bark even worse than
Orthodontarily
Speaking, her bite.
(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.)
Hackery Quackery
Robert the Dolorous
Plenipotentiary
Thinks he is God.
Glorifies handguns and
Ridicules basketball
Pampers the powerful
I think he's odd.
(Edith L. Marsden, Washington)
Deja-vu-istically,
President Cleveland
Served us in two terms
Divided in date,
Bracketed Benjy
Historiographically,
Fathered a bastard,
Died one-nine-oh-eight.
(Myra Purdom, Springfield)
Piggery Pokery,
King Michael Jackson
Married the Princess
Lisa Marie.
Who is the husband?
Who is the wifey?
Gives a new meaning to
Androgyny.
(Trudy Wayne Howland, Alexandria)
Higgledy Piggledy
J. Martin Tupperman,
Little-known scientist,
Not quite renowned.
Proved his First Theorem of
Defenestration,
But landed before he could
Jot it all down.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Hippety Hoppety,
Linda Byrd Johnson Robb
Roots for her Chuck as his
Campaign goes forth.
Hoping that galloping
Anti-incumbency
Won't cause Virginians to
Choose to go North.
(Bob Lieblich, Arlington)
Higgledy Piggledy
William J. Clinton
Bespoke his affection for
Burgers and fries.
Why does he patronize
Greaselumpatoriums?
Makes him just one (and a
half) of the guys.
(Joe Hoffman, Falls Church)
And Practically Last:
Nickety Pickety
J. Martin, Miss Manners,
Fights hard for etiquette
Fears its demise
Incontrovertible!
Yet she is losing!
This boorish feature is
Twice her own's size.
(Steve Wartik, Rockville)
And Last:
Hippety Hoppity
Pee-wee the organist
Was better than Bobbitt
At holding his own
Which we mention because the
Style Invitational's
Phallocentricity's
Very well known.
(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.
Next Week: Nick Knacks.