Baron Geisler's 8-Point Guide To Satisfying Women

The black sheep of Philippine showbiz, Baron Geisler, doesn’t relish his celebrity status. He’s come a long way since making teen girls of the 1990s swoon in Tabing Ilog. Today, public brawls aside, he pursues multiple arts in its varied forms, like painting and authoring a book. Still, tabloids like to describe Baron as a brusque bad boy—and no doubt it’s part of his appeal—and ignore the fact that he subscribes to a surprisingly conventional approach to love and dating. Now older and wiser, the child actor-turned indie star sets the record straight.

On smart being sexy.“People don’t know that I’m very old school. I do not fuck around. If women try to text me or DM me in social media, I give them godly advice rather than fucking them. I have a particular thing about my women; I like them very smart—I’m a sapiosexual.”

If you realize you’re dating someone on the crazy side, but still love her, you have to at least try to make it work.“Dating is fake sometimes, because eventually you get to know yung ugali ng taong dine-date mo at magugulat ka na lang na she has this fucking weird personality. And you may get disappointed. [Pero since] mahal mo pa rin sila and you have to deal with it. We have to try to make it work, no matter what happens. We’re not gods, so trust your heart, I guess.”

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You do you.“Show your real attitude, yung tamang ugali mo. So that at the end of the day, hindi sila maninisi na niloko mo sila. If you trick them sa ugaling hindi ikaw at malaman nila, they will fuck you up. Women are smart. If they don’t like you, yun lang yun. Love me or hate me. That’s it. Just be yourself. Be the badass that you are.”

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Give them something to remember you by.“Be yourself, but love them steadily, and make love to them [so] that they'll never forget your name after sex. I don’t use women. I make them really happy. I have good speech—I eat them a lot. I respect them. I think women should be respected, and eventually, kapag magkatabi na kayo sa kama, that’s when you satisfy them.”

Nobody loves a creeper.“Tanggalin mo yung libog, and then you will see the woman. You will see her like an angel na sobrang ganda. So kailangan tanggalin mo yung pagkamanyak at pagkacreepy ng mga lalaki.

Don’t be pressured into marriage just because friends are getting hitched left and right.“I will never get married because I do not like the lifestyle. I know sa sarili ko na I’m not that kind of guy, and I don’t want to disappoint my partner o magsinungaling sa kanya. [Marriage is] not for everyone. I just want to be myself. Ayokong lokohin siya o ang sarili ko.”

Photography EJ Leung

This story originally appeared in the October 2016 issue of FHM Philippines.