“Courtship and Marriage”(Proverbs 18:22)I. Introduction.A. What is marriage?1. A covenant of companionship.a. “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him ahelper suitable for him’” (Gen. 2:18).b. “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a witness betweenyou and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, thoughshe is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Mal. 2:14).2. Most important decision in life.a. Certainly, conversion most important event.b. Marriage is the most important decision. Why?(i) A good marriage can be a great blessing and help.(ii) A bad marriage can be a hardship throughout life.(a) “It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with acontentious woman” (Prov. 21:9).(b) “It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexingwoman” (21:19).B. Why get married?1. Companionship.a. See Gen. 2:18 above.b. “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who fallswhen there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together theykeep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who isalone, two can resist him” (Ecc. 4:9-12).2. Godly offspring.a. “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male andfemale He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful andmultiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and overthe birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth’” (Gen. 1:27-28).b. “This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, withweeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts itwith favor from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD hasbeen a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you havedealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Butnot one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do whilehe was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one dealtreacherously against the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:13-15).

23. Desires:a. Preserves moral purity.b. “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to toucha woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and eachwoman is to have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:1-2).C. Who may marry?1. One man and one woman:a. Polygamy not God’s will.(i) God created one woman for Adam, not more than one, “So the LORD Godcaused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of hisribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into awoman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man”(Gen. 2:21-22).(ii) “An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate,prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach” (1 Tim. 3:2; cf. Titus 1:6).(iii) Polygamy was tolerated and regulated (Ex. 21:10), but not the Lord’s originalintention.b. Not two men or two women: Homosexuality a serious sin.(i) “If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Theirbloodguiltiness is upon them” (Lev. 18:22).(ii) “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, noreffeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, norrevilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6:9-10).2. A man and a woman who are eligible:a. They must not be bound to another.(i) They must not be engaged: Engagement, betrothal, promise to marry is viewedby the Lord as marriage.(a) “If there is a girl who is a virgin engaged to a man, and another man finds herin the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city and you shall stone them to death; the girl, because she did not cry outin the city, and the man, because he has violated his neighbor’s wife. Thus youshall purge the evil from among you” (Deu. 23-24).(b) “Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: when His mother Mary hadbeen betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be withchild by the Holy Spirit. And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man andnot wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly” (Matt. 1:18-19).(c) Gill writes, “It was usual with the Jews first to espouse or betroth, and then tomarry, or rather consummate the marriage, by bringing the woman home to herhusband's house, between which there was some space of time. The accountand manner of betrothing is given by Maimonides in the following words.

3“Before the giving of the law, if a man met a woman in the street, if he would,he might take her, and bring her into his house and marry her between him andherself, and she became his wife; but when the law was given, the Israeliteswere commanded, that if a man would take a woman he should obtain herbefore witnesses, and after that she should be his wife, according to Deu. 22:13and these takings are an affirmative command of the law, and are called‘espousals’ or ‘betrothings’ in every place; and a woman who is obtained insuch a way is called ‘espoused’ or ‘betrothed’; and when a woman is obtained,and becomes ‘espoused’, although she is not yet ‘married, nor has entered intoher husband’s house’, yet she is a man's wife.”(d) And such a distinction between a married woman and a betrothed virgin,which was Mary’s case, may be observed in Deu. 22:22 moreover, her beingfound or appearing to be with child, was ‘before they came together’; which itis likely, as Dr. Lightfoot observes, was about three months from herconception, when she was returned from her cousin Elizabeth. It is probablethat as soon as she was espoused to Joseph, or quickly after, she went and paidher visit to Elizabeth, with whom she stayed about three months, and thenreturned home, Luke 1:56. Upon her return home, she appears to be withchild, with which she had gone three months, a proper time for the discoveryof such a matter, Gen. 38:24 and which is assigned by the Jewish doctors forthis purpose.(ii) They must not be married.(iii) If one or the other has been divorced, it must be a Biblical divorce.b. If either one is a believer, they both must be believers.(i) “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership haverighteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Orwhat harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with anunbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are thetemple of the living God; just as God said, ‘I will dwell in them and walk amongthem; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. Therefore, come outfrom their midst and be separate,’ says the Lord. ‘And do not touch what isunclean; and I will welcome you. And I will be a father to you, and you shall besons and daughters to Me,’ Says the Lord Almighty” (2 Cor. 14-18).(ii) “A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she isfree to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).c. Must have parental consent.(i) “If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay adowry for her to be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, heshall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins” (Ex. 22:16-17).(ii) “But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgindaughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes,he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under noconstraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his ownheart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. So then both he who gives