Food Network's Alton Brown -- hyperactive wit,
biker dude, mad scientist and misanthropic Betty Crocker -- came to the
Smithsonian's Natural History Museum on Monday night, where a sold-out crowd of
580 greeted the spiky-haired cook like a rock star, hung on every bon mot ("If
God had intended low-carb desserts, he wouldn't have invented sugar cane"), then
stood in line for two hours to get his autograph and a picture.

Officially, Brown was here to flack "Feasting on
Asphalt," his four-part special (debuting Saturday) on his trip across the
country on his BMW motorcycle, eating classic road food. Unofficially, he was
here to spread his offbeat, unpretentious take on food: "Cooking is simple. That
doesn't mean it's easy."

His favorite exhibit: Alton Brown at the Natural History Museum on Monday.
(Roxanne Roberts -- The Washington Post)

The 43-year-old married father of one started his
career as a cinematographer, but decided he could cook up a fun food show and
grab a piece of the exploding celebrity-chef market. He headed off to the New
England Culinary Institute , worked briefly in a restaurant, then launched his
"Good Eats" show in 1998 -- followed by three bestselling cookbooks and a gig as
commentator on "Iron Chef America." Brown's approach is all about the science of
good cooking: "You buy a piece of fish. Some animal died for you. The least you
can do is not screw it up."

Washington foodies got a sneak peek at his history
of road food heroes (Henry Ford, Duncan Hines, Colonel Sanders), best and worst
(curry soup, pickled pig's feet), tip for the best places ("Look for Mercedes
and pickups in the parking lot") and an update on the right clavicle he broke
biking in the Nevada desert (the part about swerving for bunnies was a lie,
kids).

The audience Monday night included a surprising
number of men and boys who waited patiently for Brown's signature. "You want to
be a chef when you grow up?" Brown asked one 8-year-old. Yes, the boy nodded
earnestly. "Good plan," said Brown. "Helps with the chicks."