An Apology to Dad & Donna

by Susan

Dear Dad, and Donna

I know that I have been a selfish fool. I am so full of disgust for my behavior ...more so over the past 24 hours but definitely during the past month.

I'm so sorry for everything that has happened in my life that has affected you and the rest of my family so negatively. I don't like it and I am in misery over the misery that I have caused you and Donna.

I feel so ashamed and mortified for everything that has happened in my life since this time last year. Yesterday was one of the most humiliating days of my life. I had to repeat only part as a sequence of events that brought me to applying for another job. What a pitiful life I have gotten myself into.

I know as well as I know my name, that when I get feeling sorry for myself for feeling so miserable in my failures, that I cannot face those that are be closest to me due to sheer embarrassment.

Dad, you have asked me time and time again not to pull away and to talk with you when I am struggling. Up until yesterday I felt like I could do that but for some reason yesterday was particularly hard for me to drive my car home.

I am NOT going to even try to make excuses for not even calling but as every hour passed it became more impossible. I want you both to know that above and beyond my miserable depressions, I do recognize and appreciate and love you for every single little thing you both have done to make this more tolerable for me.

Neither one of you have judged me. Neither one of you has made me feel this way, I am responsible for where those feelings come from. I did get everything and more done yesterday that I needed to do. Some things on a positive note and some others not quite so much.

I will be in Griffin much of the morning and then in Barnesville. I did get your phone, Donna. I will bring it to you asap.

I love you both very very much and do not know what I would do without you. It is my plan to either get help or work very hard on this character flaw that just pushes people away from me. I hope you can forgive me and that maybe didn't worry quite so much yesterday and last night. It is a cowardly thing to write all of this instead of calling you but I am very thankful that I have this form of communication Facing you would be too difficult right now.