Limericks

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SAGAL: Is it right out there, the old London Bridge, sitting in the middle of the city.

GARCIA: It's pretty much right in the middle of everything actually.

SAGAL: Do you ever walk over it?

GARCIA: Oh yeah, you can walk, you can ride, you can go underneath it.

AMY DICKINSON: It's a bridge, Peter.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Albert.

GARCIA: Thank you.

SAGAL: Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to go?

GARCIA: Yes.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Folks on foot and in cars I now warn. My bike's not an object of scorn. No, I do not yell or tinkle my bell, I blast out their ears with my?

GARCIA: Horn.

SAGAL: Yes, horn, very good, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

GARCIA: Horn, H-O-R-N.

SAGAL: In an effort to improve road safety for cyclists, a British cyclist has invented a bike horn that's louder than a fighter jet. The hornster, as he has named it, clocks in at 178 decibels. That's 50 decibels louder than your average fighter. The one downside is that the name "the hornster" is 50 times worse than the next worst name for an invention.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: This has got to be illegal.

SAGAL: Well it might well be. But he's really serious about bike safety. What can I tell you?

DICKINSON: Yeah, but wouldn't that blasting it like blow your bike down?

SAGAL: I think you have to wear ear muffs.

TOM BODETT: Right.

SAGAL: Which would keep you from hearing anything approaching, which is why you have to keep blowing your horn.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Right.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Though my sessions are not peer reviewed, I've updated old Ziggy Frood. It loosens their lips to look at me strip, so I analyze men while I'm?

GARCIA: Stewed.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That might work just as well, actually.

BODETT: I would give him that.

DICKINSON: Yeah, definitely.

SAGAL: Yeah. You know what's wrong with you? There's two of you.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, that's not right.

GARCIA: Nude.

SAGAL: Nude, yes. Nude.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Therapist Sara White of New York City is kick-starting what she hopes will become a popular new kind of therapy: naked therapy. She begins each session fully clothed. She gradually strips as her patient opens up for her emotionally.

ROCCA: Sorry.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Quote "Freud used free association, I use nakedness." Once you've really broken through with your key issues, you can move into the Very Important Therapy lounge, where she uses the Therapy Pole.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here's your last limerick:

KASELL: Beer and wine, who's got time for that junk? One quick spritz and my mind goes keplunk. It's hangover-free, so what harm can there be in using a spray to get?

GARCIA: Drunk.

SAGAL: Yes, there you go.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: There's the drunk answer.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Americans are just too busy these days to binge drink in the traditional way. But thanks to some French inventors you can get fully intoxicated they say, almost instantly with a special mouth spray. Finally, something more fun to do while waiting at traffic lights than checking your phone.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Albert do on our quiz?

KASELL: Three correct answers, Peter. So Albert, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Albert and thanks for playing.

GARCIA: Thank you.

SAGAL: Talk to you soon.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.