Cruising

The Complete Guide to Caring for a Cruiser

Congratulations on your decision to host a visiting cruiser in your home. I’m sure you’re excited to reconnect and hear stories from his or her exotic life afloat. Be warned, though, that even a short time away from the cruising life can be difficult for a cruiser. Luckily, with a little foresight, it shouldn’t be hard to ease his or her transition to your landlubbing life, and turn the visit into a rewarding experience.

How do I cruiser-proof my home?Turn off or unplug any alarm clocks; cruisers don’t wake well to alarms, often believing the oil pressure is low, the anchor is dragging or it’s time for their watch—this can be disorienting and detrimental to your cruiser.
Wherever possible, move furniture toward the center of a room, ideally creating a defined walkway—the narrower the better. The increased number of handholds will reassure your cruiser.
How do I communicate with my cruiser?
The cruiser may arrive using unfamiliar terms. If words like “kitchen,” “bathroom” and “closet” do not come easily, be patient, most cruisers will eventually drop the boat jargon ashore.

What sleeping arrangements should I make?
Your cruiser will feel more comfortable if you move a dresser or other solid object up against any open side of their bed. If that bed is larger than twin size, put another cruiser in it or pile stuff in there to constrict the space. Remember, cruisers are more comfortable in odd-shaped sleeping spaces.

How do I feed my cruiser?
Before preparing any meal, hide non-perishable ingredients around your home. When it’s time to start cooking, let the cruisers see you retrieving goods from underneath the sofa and behind the stereo. This will put them at ease. Gradually get them used to the idea of the pantry as the single source for stores. Avoid any mention of the freezer. Be aware that some foods may overwhelm the cruiser, including salad greens, peanut butter, and out-of-season fruits and vegetables. Whatever you do, never bring a cruiser to a Whole Foods or to the
chocolate aisle of a Trader Joe’s.

What will my cruiser do all day?Cruisers are accustomed to a perpetual to-do list. Even if your home is perfect, come up with something each day to occupy your cruiser—all the better if this means your cruiser spends hours wedged in a dark, awkward space with a flashlight in his mouth. If you have a swimming pool, give the cruiser a small brush, and ask them to scrub the sides and bottom.

Will my cruiser use the toilet?
Yes, of course. But some cruisers have to be encouraged to flush the toilet paper. Most hosts find that removing the waste bin is a gentle and effective reminder.