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Friday, August 26, 2011

FORKS UPDATE: Tees + Wednesday Night in Seattle: Be There or Be...Someplace Else.

So I was going to post something tonight about how I'm not ready for a hurricane and how I had to cancel my trip to Maine for my grandfather's funeral/memorial service because apparently the entire Northeast is going to be on lockdown for the next 48 hours and I can't get stuck at the South Portland Airport Hampton Inn for five days (no offense, fam). But I won't go there.

Probably. Hopefully. But "Jersey Shore" is pretty damaging.

Instead, I am pleased to be providing an update on the happenings on the FOOORRRKKS 2011 front - the trip is approaching so fast that I am fighting back motion sickness, but good things are falling into place. Ok not falling, exactly - there is a certain amount of work involved in all this stuff. Anyway...

An update on the t-shirt front: as we should have expected, Zazzle fucked us hard up the ass with no lube approximately twenty seconds after we posted the Forks 2011 merch. Apparently they have a real hard-on for us, since the (literally) 13,000+ other things that come up if you actually search for "Star Wars" (and you wouldn't find our merch in this search) must be completely legit and have been given the blessing of George Lucas himself. But our items were flagged and removed immediately, and orders that had been placed were cancelled.

Use the Forks, Twatwaffles. Zazzle, you are the Death Star.

I'm not gonna lie: I wish Zazzle wasn't such a flaming douche-nugget. Cafe Press is less user-friendly. Plus they take a greater cut of revenue for themselves [note: any profit on shirts or gear goes into the Forks kitty - it won't be much , but we'll use it to defray the costs of the tickets]. BUT they have better selection AND they apparently don't employ an ahhhmie of unpaid-intern legal wonks to police their pages and take down anything that might even have the slightest reference to someone else's intellectual property, with no recourse for the seller. Plus I think that Zazzle may have had it in for us since the first time they fucked us over Mr. Snarky's drawings and we called them every vile name in the book (and then some) on Twitter.

The take-away from all this angry rambling: get your FORKS 2011 gear HERE.

On a different note - a REALLY positive, no-Zazzle-fuckery note: VitaminR70 has pulled some strings and come up with an uhmazaballs place for those of us who will be in Seattle on Wednesday night (9/28) to chill, mingle, and throw back a few [dozen] cocktails. We'll have a private room (yay!) at The Rendezvous Tavern - it's called "The Red Room of Pain Velvet Room" and I want to go to there RIGHT NOW.

See you there, Fifty...

It is stumbling walking distance from the Mayflower Hotel (where we are staying and where Double_Dippin has arranged a sweeeet Twitarded discount) and other local establishments. If you'll be attending, please say so in the comments and let us know how many people you'll be bringing... This isn't a huge space, and if a lot of us are in Seattle that night and plan on getting together, we might need to get a larger room.

Please give me a moment to digest that while breathing into a brown paper bag to compose myself...

And let me just ask . . . how irritating was that reservations bitch at The Mayflower? @Jaymes805 was right when she warned me about having to randomly yell out TWITARDED!

Bitch asked me five times - "WHAT group did you say you're with? . . . I'm sorry Mam, but I can't understand what you're saying. . . or what you're spelling!"

Then she decided to look it up by the date, since obviously I talk like I have a mouth full of shit or dick or something, and she comes back with "Is the name of your group T-W-I-T-A-R-D-E-D?" When I confirmed that she spelled it exactly like I had already spelled it - twice - she asked "What kind of organization is T-W-I-T-A-R-D-E-D?'

As I frantically looked around for some duct tape for my head, I said "Just don't worry about that. Can I get the discount or not?"

"Yes. . . . And will you be going on to Forks on Thursday?" Inquiring minds want to know.

"As a matter of fact, I will!" Why? Do I get a special Bon Voyage Breakfast or something? Or maybe she's thinking about calling ahead to warn the good people of Forks before we get there!

Anyway, I just wondered if anyone else began their adventure by battling wits with the reservation desk?

Well it is a bar as well so people can overflow into the bar. My friends own this fine establishment so I have already warned them. If it starts looking like too many people will be there we may need to re-evaluate. Woohoo!!!!

You're going to have such a fuck-awesome time, no doubt! Wish I could be joining all of you.

Right now I'm here in NJ holding on for dear life (just like JJ and STY). Once Irene departs her fat ass, then my family and I are heading up to see my mom on Cape Cod for the week. It will be the 2nd time going up there since my dad passed away in April and it's strange not seeing him. We're trying to convince Mom to move back down closer to all of us.

Looking forward to seeing everyone again. I had no problems with reservations, but I did everything on line and emailed them afterward to tell them I was with the group and they changed the reservation and emailed me back.

WHUT?! WHUT?! The Red Room of Pain...I'll be there. Will Fifty? Pleasesayyespleasesayyespleasesayyes. You girls seem to be good at pulling strings, so I figure getting him there should be a piece of cake.

I'll be there w/ my two lovely h00rs/roomies @jiffsimpson and @allthingsHHH!

I'm so sad that I just now discovering this site because I go to Washington/Forks EVERY damn year for the past 3 years...it would have been nice to have people to run around and be all...shenannaginy...with.

I will be there....but I'm flying solo because my friends suck and bailed on me! They said something about being adults and being responible with their money but they just sounded like the adults on the Muppets when they talk so I stopped listening :-)

I'm going to need to make new friends with you ladies in Forks so I have someone to get in trouble with!

I will be there. But only for the Red Room of Velvet Pain. Did I get that right? I couldn't get more time off work. But am driving down from Whistler/Squamish to attend the event of the year. See you all there.

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