McBain and Anna think Rafe killed Alison, and spend an hour asking him questions he won't answer. He finally speaks up to say he didn't kill his mother: McBain did. Lucy tells Sam that Rafe is Caleb's son, and Rafe Sr. left him and Alison to hunt down Caleb and try to protect them. Also, Rafe Sr. is an angel and she thinks Caleb killed him. Once she's back at the PCPD, Sam learns that Lucy was right about at least one thing, since Alison's dead. Patrick tears into Britt for her treatment of Emma and makes it clear they're done. Britt tries to get in one last dig at Sabrina, announcing that she worked to get Britt out of the way so she can have Patrick to herself. Britt then continues her tour of terror by preparing to tell Lulu that Maxie's baby isn't hers. Ellie confronts Maxie for sleeping with Spinelli but is apparently okay with living with her. Maxie claims the sex was a good thing because now she has closure and doesn't want Spinelli anymore. Elizabeth calms A.J. down from a panic attack, and they're totally going to end up together because who else would put up with him? For some reason, Starr's the only person who thinks Connie might have lied about Sonny leaking the Soleito story. T.J.'s a little jealous of Rafe, and possibly not very sympathetic toward poor people.

Ironic that Sam is peripherally involved in a plot where a woman had a baby with a man who wasn't her husband, and said husband is now no longer in the picture. Which I guess means Rafe could be Rafe Sr.'s after all.

The only thing that would have made the Patrick/Britt fight better is if Epiphany had shown up at the end and yelled at Britt for being mean to Sabrina.

By the way, if Britt's really as awful as we've seen (wait, "if"?), she'll fake a pregnancy...

Ha, there is no baby in that stroller. They didn't even try that hard to disguise it.

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Max trying to flirt with Elizabeth; "I didn't know Mr. Q. had a mill"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Molly, if Rafe has no place to live and nothing to eat, he probably doesn't have a cell phone
Saddest moment: Kevin and Lucy's goodbye
Sweetest/cutest moment: Mac comforting and encouraging Anna
Least believable moment: There is absolutely no security or structure at Ferncliff
Most annoying character: Britt, obviously
Smartest character: Starr, who is somehow the only person who remembers that Connie lies a lot
Dumbest character: Britt, whose scorched-earth strategy is probably going to get Patrick and Sabrina together
Unanswered questions of the week: 1. Who killed Alison?
2. Why do only Lucy and Alison remember Caleb and Livvie?
Things we learned this week: 1. Ned has bad handwriting.
2. Todd speaks Italian and French.
3. Ellie is willing to keep living with the woman who may have tried to steal her boyfriend.

February 2nd, 2013

Next week: Some guy with a funny name who hasn't been on the show for almost 20 years comes back, and I'm expected to be excited about it. (I'm not.)

February 4th, 2013

Rafe insists that he saw McBain kill Alison, though it looks more like it was Caleb, and I can't stop begging for it not to be true. Molly realizes she might have information about Rafe's case, so she shares it with McBain, Sam, and T.J. Then she realizes it sounds incriminating and notes that he could be innocent. Heather organizes a kind of Occupy Ferncliff movement, pushing the underpaid staff to strike. This provides the distraction she, Lucy, and Todd need to try to escape. Mac and Felicia convince Kevin not to abandon Lucy, so he returns in Ferncliff, arriving just in time to interrupt the escape attempt. Britt threatens to tell Lulu and Dante the truth about the baby unless Maxie helps her destroy Sabrina. Elizabeth urges Sabrina to tell Patrick how she feels about him. Apparently saying Frisco's name three times has the same effect it does on Beetlejuice.

Todd's sign "our patients are insane and so are our wages" had me giggling.

This may be the first time in years I've actually liked Felicia. I'm glad she talked some sense into Kevin.

I love that they're making a huge deal out of Genie Francis returning next week, but they said absolutely nothing about Jack Wagner.

February 5th, 2013

Frisco is a jerk, and poor Mac feels inadequate next to him. Heather and Todd tell Kevin they're both Ferncliff employees and didn't know Lucy wasn't. They prepare to leave without her but she busts them as patients. Heather then knocks Kevin out, and the three escapees take his car. Maxie has no choice but to agree to help Britt take Sabrina down Olivia has a vision of Steven and Sabrina showering together, and even though she knows it wasn't real, she thinks it'll eventually come true. Steven outs Sabrina's supposed crush on him, so Sabrina scrambles to promise she's over him. Later, Olivia has an even more troubling vision: Heather in the hospital. Patrick tells Sabrina he's decided he's not ready for a relationship, and when he is, he won't date a coworker. Dante, Lulu, Michael, and Starr are all boring.

Ug, go away, Frisco. No one wants you here.

Heather, Todd, and Lucy: a match made in Heaven.

Hey, we finally got to see what Sabrina really looks like!

I wonder which is more disturbing: a vision of your boyfriend with another woman or a vision of his mother in a towel?

February 6th, 2013

Lucy, Heather, and Todd (branded the Three Stooges by Connie) hide out at Wyndemere, planning to visit Rafe, Steven, and Starr, respectively. Todd's the first to head into town, saying goodbye to his daughter, who suddenly realizes she'll miss him. Heather talks Lucy into staying put for now, but as soon as Lucy falls asleep, Heather splits, leaving Lucy alone to face Caleb. Vampire or not, McBain thinks Caleb might actually exist. However, he doesn't have an explanation for why his own fingerprint is on the thing that killed Alison. He asks Rafe to help him figure out what really happened. Olivia convinces Connie to drop the charges against Kristina, though Connie waits till the absolutely last minute to show up and stop her sentencing. Sam misses the whole thing since the police find the car the Three Stooges stole from Kevin near the Quartermaines', and she's worried Heather will go there looking for Danny. Johnny will be next for sentencing, but it looks like Starr will be the only attendee. Molly visits Rafe, asking him point blank if he killed Alison. T.J.'s not happy. Michael asks Johnny if he told Sonny about the Soleito money, because apparently he'll believe whatever Johnny tells him over what Sonny's been saying.

I respectfully request that Caleb kill me next.

Good call, Lucy – those definitely look like Emily's clothes. But there's no way that hat Todd found was

Was Heather's comment about knowing someone in particular will be keeping an eye out for her a reference to Olivia's visions? If so, nice.

I can't wait to see how they get Johnny out of this.

February 7th, 2013

McBain has trouble convincing Rafe that a) he's not Caleb and b) he wants to help find Alison's real killer. The only helpful information Rafe can provide is that Caleb wore a gold ring with a crest that looked like a bat. Lucy's encounter with Caleb seems to be a dream, thank God, and let's hope Rafe's is, too. Lucy sneaks into the police station to see Rafe, tackles a cop, takes his gun, and gets caught by Anna. Todd tries to get his passport from his safe, but Carly's already swiped it. She almost tells the police where he is, but he convinces her to hear him out, then asks her to run off with him. Connie spins a story about her run-in with Kristina, who winds up pleading guilty to lesser charges and getting away with community service. T.J. rats Molly out to Anna, who warns her to stay away from Rafe. Tracy bugs Luke to talk to Carly about the potential heir, but it's too late, since the feds have already come to get her.

Rafe must have great eyesight to see that bat on the ring.

Poor Olivia gets no credit for convincing Connie to drop the charges. And poor Johnny gets no support from his wife.

Dear T.J., you suck as a boyfriend.

What a waste of Luke/Tracy scenes.

February 8th, 2013

Caleb poses as McBain and takes Rafe and a poor, doomed police officer back to the pier where Alison died. He tells Rafe to walk him through what he saw, then kills the officer and tells Rafe they're leaving town together. Rafe reacts badly to the news that Caleb's his father and runs off. Lucy gets Anna to take her to Rafe's cell, but of course, he's already gone. Anna tricks Lucy into going into the cell and locks her in. Connie arrives at the Quartermaines' just as the feds are handcuffing Tracy and announces that they have no evidence against her. She claims that Todd's newspaper wrote the story to make it look like Connie did, then shredded the evidence. It works, and now Tracy and Connie are BFFs. Asking Carly nicely doesn't get Luke information on the potential Quartermaine heir, so when he learns that she's harboring a fugitive, he resorts to blackmail. Carly spills that Franco may have a daughter, Lauren, so now Tracy may have someone else on her side. Carly continues to turn down Todd's requests to run off with him, but she does give him a goodbye kiss. Michael comes up with the idea to rebrand ELQ, and Duke and Tracy both focus on using Pickle-Lila to fix everything. Sonny and Shawn figure out that Tracy leaked the story and even overhear her confessing, but Connie gets them to agree to keep their mouths shut.

The setup this week has been really annoying. So on Tuesday, the cliffhanger is Maxie finding out Frisco's in town. Then neither of them is on the rest of the week. On Wednesday, Johnny's about to go to his sentencing. We haven't seen or heard anything about it. Sam was completely written out of Kristina's courtroom scenes, for no logical reason. Heather has disappeared. What's going on around here?

I can't decide which I'd like to see less: a story about vampires or a story about relish.

So if Caleb killed Alison to get to Rafe, why didn't he grab Rafe when he first showed up, right after Alison was killed? THIS IS SO STUPID.

It would be hilarious if Luke goes to a bunch of trouble to track down Lauren and it turns out she's, like, six.

Did I miss the part where Duke's an expert businessman?

Isn't it actually in Sonny's best interest not to tell Michael that Tracy leaked the story? He'll tell A.J., and that'll just help A.J. take control of ELQ.

Not that I'm complaining, but was there really a reason for Shawn to be in this episode? Let's just say that if Jason were still on, they never would have given him the scenes they gave Shawn today.

Scorecard:Arrested: Lucy Coe, Rafe Kovitch
Back in town: Frisco Jones

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): "Our patients are insane and so are our wages"; "She still believes she's a vampire slayer. Stop laughing"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Anna treating Molly like a misbehaving daughter
Saddest moment: Starr saying goodbye to Todd
Sweetest/cutest moment: I would say Michael and Starr, but the truth is, I fast-forwarded their scenes
Least believable moment: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START
Most annoying character: Frisco
Smartest character: Anna, though outsmarting Lucy isn't really that much of an accomplishment
Dumbest character: Todd, who thinks a hat is an appropriate disguise, and that Carly would run away with him, and that he can get anywhere without a passport or money
Previously unanswered question now answered: The potential Quartermaine heir is Lauren Frank (if she exists).
Things we learned this week: 1. Todd's safe combo is 1234.
2. Molly hates sarcasm (ironic, considering who her parents are).

February 9th, 2013

Next week: Another absentee parent returns, but this one is much more likable.

February 11th, 2013

Sabrina stumbles across Caleb and sees him with the murder weapon, but doesn't have much time to register a reaction before she realizes Carlson, the officer Caleb stabbed, is still alive. As she tries to save him, Caleb vanishes. Anna and Dante start piecing together the events of the night, including Sabrina's testimony, video footage of Caleb going to the evidence room, and Carlson saying that Rafe didn't stab him. Carlson dies, and Britt orders Maxie to make it look like Sabrina gave him the wrong medication. Molly and T.J. have another circular conversation about Rafe, only this time Rafe's listening in. He convinces Molly to hide him at the lakehouse. Luke would rather check on Anna than help Tracy with ELQ stuff, and Anna would rather hang out with (and ultimately kiss) Luke than talk to Duke. The only person who would rather not have anything to do with Luke and Anna is Laura, who's back in town. They're really doing this relish plot.

Crap, McBain and Caleb aren't the same person. There goes my theory that McBain's just crazy. That said, where has he been for the last two episodes?

Yeah, I bet Rafe, who's barely been in town two weeks and knows nothing about it, just happened to find Molly's house. (Yes, this is the part of this plotline I choose to single out as unbelievable.)

Hey, Maxie, I think this might get you sent to Hell.

I appreciate how emotional Sabrina got over Carlson's condition. So many people on this show get shot, stabbed, beaten up, etc., and no one gets scared or emotional outside of their family members. It's nice to be reminded that medical personnel see these sorts of things and aren't hardened to it.

You know, if they hadn't publicized the heck out of Genie Francis' return, that would've been a very nice cliffhanger. Question, though: Why is she wandering the docks?

February 12th, 2013

Molly harbors Rafe, even convincing him to stay when he decides he's putting her in a bad position. T.J. tells Shawn about the situation and worries when he finds out Rafe is no longer in police custody. Laura's in town for grandmotherly reasons, and uses the opportunity to quiz Lulu on what Luke's been up to. Anna and Luke debate revisiting the past vs. moving into the future, and she tells him she's not up for round two of a relationship with him. Dante shows McBain all the evidence pointing to him as Carlson's killer, and Anna has no choice but to arrest him. Johnny gets sentenced to 20 years in prison and gives Starr his shares of the Haunted Star. Frisco wants Felicia back, but there's no way Mac's going to stand for that.

This baby plot has been going on for at least six weeks, so Laura rushing back to town as soon as she heard the news seems fishy. Also, she wants to be there seven months before the baby comes, but she couldn't come to town when her other grandkids were born, or when one of them died? She's almost as bad as Frisco. (Just in that respect, though. She's probably going to leave Luke alone. Also, she has actually paid attention to her children in the past 20 years.)

Please tell me the person Laura called at the end wasn't Scott, and that their "plans" don't involve marriage. I fear this plea will fall on deaf ears.

Those Dante/McBain scenes were horribly paced. It took Dante 45 MINUTES to tell McBain something it should have taken two minutes to say. Just awful.

I was wondering how they would keep Johnny around when he's supposed to be going to prison, so having Kristina work at Pentonville makes sense. I'm going to play Olivia and envision a relationship between the two of them.

All these old characters back in town and Mac talks relationships with...Lulu? Huh?

February 13th, 2013

McBain tells Sam that when he was unreachable the night before, he was visiting an archaeology professor who knows a lot about vampires. Caleb visits the same professor so we can get some exposition about vampires and the bat ring. Sam heads off to see the professor and get McBain's alibi, but of course, Caleb has already killed him. Caleb also intimidates Heather, who stumbles across Todd on the docks. They've both hired a guy with a boat to take them out of town, but first Heather wants to see her son. Rafe hides under Molly's bed while she and Alexis discuss the McBain situation and how Rafe reappearing would be a big help. He winds up deciding to turn himself in. As Molly makes him breakfast, he hangs out with Danny, then gets an unexpected visit from Heather, who says she's there for the baby. Sabrina frets about having killed Carlson, and even Patrick can't calm her. Britt intercepts the autopsy report, which implicates Sabrina and leaves her with a black mark on her record. Kevin is fed up with Lucy again, since she left him unconscious outside Ferncliff. Lucy's very interested to speak to her new fellow prisoner, McBain. Olivia makes up for her annoyingness over Sabrina by having a vision of Heather in a nurse's uniform. She's actually seeing Britt, which is pretty funny.

The fakeouts with Heather and Danny were nice. I was sure Sam was going to show up at the house and freak out upon seeing Rafe with Danny; Heather showing up instead was a nice twist. (I'll overlook the part where there's no reason Heather would know Danny was there.) And recall that Heather told Todd she was going to see her son – she still wants Danny for herself.

Danny's pacifier said "McDrooly." Heh. And it looks like it came with his other cute one.

The Sam/McBain scenes were as bad as yesterday's Dante/McBain scenes. She was like a woman in an old movie, only serving to ask questions and further exposition.

I was going to say that Alexis was a little too obsessed with Molly keeping her door unlocked, but then I remembered that she's still probably a little on probation for her adventures with T.J., so it's reasonable.

Enjoy Hell, Britt. I hope they make it extra-flamey for you.

For some reason, Kevin reminded me of Grumpy Cat today. I don't know, just go with it.

February 14th, 2013

Heather threatens to call the police on Rafe, so he lets her take Danny. (If only he'd read her nametag and seen she wasn't really Susan Moore.) Then he has to explain to Molly why he let a random woman take him. Molly tries to explain the crime without actually explaining it, but ultimately Rafe reveals himself to Alexis. Caleb comes across Heather and Danny and realizes he can use the baby to convince "Livvie" to run off with him. He pushes Heather in the harbor and is about to take Danny when Todd arrives. Ironically, Todd saves Danny from being kidnapped, but equally ironically, he's the only one there when Anna and Sam arrive. McBain asks Lucy to help him catch Caleb, pointing out that he's the only one who's willing to listen to her and consider that she might be telling the truth. He also notes that if he's Caleb, getting himself arrested is a horrible plan, since everyone he's after is on the outside. The professor's dead, so there goes McBain's alibi, though at least Anna knows McBain didn't kill him. Carly and Starr bond over their experiences with Todd.

Interesting – not one person mentioned that today was Valentine's Day.

Ha, Todd got caught with the baby again. That was awesome.

Note that Caleb hasn't actually bitten anyone. He's not a vampire, he's just a slightly inefficient serial killer. (Two of his victims didn't die instantly. You can do better, Caleb.)

I love how they kept cutting to Danny while Caleb was fighting with Todd and Heather. He just looked so bored. But again, it's a testament to casting: They picked twins who are completely chill and never distract from the scene.

February 15th, 2013

Todd swears that he didn't kidnap Danny, and that McBain killed Heather and tried to take the baby. Anna has to arrest him, since McBain was in lockup the whole time. McBain appeals to Dante to let him out of lockup, pointing out that he gave Dante the benefit of the doubt when he was suspected of committing Ronnie's crimes. Dante's about to give in when Anna arrives with Todd, so he misses his chance. But hearing about what happened on the docks makes McBain realize that Caleb's after Sam and Danny, which is exactly right. Molly's definitely in trouble with Alexis, but possibly more with T.J. Carly believes Todd this time, but that doesn't mean she wants to hang out with him or anything. Sonny wants to move in on Johnny's territory, but he'll leave his legitimate funds alone so Connie won't be broke. The exes spend some time reminiscing, but it just makes Sonny sad that he doesn't have Kate anymore. Alexis can't defend Rafe, since she's already defending McBain, so she enlists Diane. Diane has already spent the day coming up with Connie's defense, which is to pin her crimes on Kate. Johnny and Kristina should just get to kissing already.

Oh, NOW it's Valentine's Day? I don't get this show.

McBain was very smart to bring up how he helped Dante. Then again, Dante sucks as a cop, so of course he was going to do something he shouldn't sooner or later.

How did Sam know that was Caleb? I'm a little impressed.

Wouldn't Johnny's assets be frozen? And since when is Connie/Kate poor?

Week in review:Funniest moment (intentional): Lucy: "I heard my name." Alexis: "That's because I'm talking about you"
Funniest moments (unintentional): Olivia mistaking Britt for Heather – they're both evil, so she was close enough; Danny looking bored during Todd and Caleb's fight
Saddest moment: Can't think of any
Sweetest/cutest moments: Starr being starstruck (ahem) over Laura; Danny's "McDrooly" pacifier
Least believable moment: Rafe found Molly's house
Most annoying character: Frisco. Shut it, Jonesy
Smartest character: McBain, for the way he spoke to Lucy and Dante
Dumbest character: Can I say Maxie? I'm going to say Maxie
Things we learned this week: 1. Duke doesn't know how to Google.
2. The ducks on pier 52 are well-fed.
3. Laura's been living in Paris.

February 16th, 2013

Next week: Luke and I revive the We Hate Scott Baldwin Club. (He's president, but when he takes his semi-annual hiatuses, I get to be president.)

February 18th, 2013

Tracy taunts A.J. by padlocking the pantry so he can't go looking for the relish. Luke assures her that he's still working on tracking down Laura – er, Lauren. Laura herself spends the evening with Elizabeth, discussing Elizabeth's lack of a love life and how Laura just wants Luke to be happy, blah blah blah. Then she goes to the Haunted Star and runs into Luke. Someone sends Lulu what looks like a miniature version of the Ice Princess. Maxie agrees to give Frisco a chance to redeem himself. He takes her to the party on the Haunted Star, knowing Mac and Felicia will be there, and makes things awkward. Also awkward: Felix takes Sabrina to the party to cheer her up, but she gets drunk and tells Maxie she killed someone. She also wants to tell Dante, but Felix talks her out of it. Maxie feels bad about the whole thing and tells Frisco he shouldn't want to get to know her, since she's a horrible person. Dante brings Sonny to the party, hoping he'll meet someone. Instead, Sonny breaks up a fight Connie starts with Starr; she wants the half of the boat Johnny gave her. Connie laments that she's alone, but Sonny tells her she has him, then kisses her. A.J. ends up with Elizabeth, so that's going somewhere.

Laura had to have been talking to Scott on the phone. No one else would care that much about her seeing Luke.

Luke and Laura are disturbed by Lulu's gift, which is only accompanied by a note saying, "Saw this and thought of you." Also disturbing Luke: an appearance by Scott. Starr and Michael try to find a stateroom but Sonny and Connie beat them to it. Connie's worried about having to answer for her crimes, but she's also deliriously happy. Then she wakes up and doesn't know where she is. Maxie confesses all of her sins to Frisco, who puts the smackdown on Britt. Britt writes a nasty letter about Sabrina to Monica, but Patrick promises to defend her. Britt also tries to apologize to Emma, but Emma's so upset by it that Patrick tells Britt never to speak to her again. Steven and Olivia have a scare when they find their apartment door open, but it doesn't look like Heather's there. Olivia has a bigger scare later when she has a vision of Steven bleeding. Ellie and Spinelli spend their first Valentine's Day together, dancing and crying over Up.

Really, Lulu? Your parents use the pronoun "she" and you don't know who they're talking about? You're a poor excuse for a Spencer.

Should we read anything into the back and forth between the Ice Princess scenes and the Frisco/Britt scenes?

Michael has a stronger stomach than I do, because if I saw my father on the way to doing what Sonny and Connie were clearly about to do, I'd throw up.

Also, Connie is just like Angel/Angelus: She has sex, then wakes up as someone else.

Okay, FINE, I liked Frisco today. It probably won't last.

If you ask me, the hospital shouldn't be allowing nursing students to give patients medication without anyone double-checking to make sure they're doing it right. But, you know, that's just common sense.

What makes Ellie think Spinelli can't afford diamonds? He worked for the two richest men in town, he lived rent-free for five years, and he only ever buys computer games, chips, and orange soda. He can afford diamonds, El.

February 20th, 2013

McBain tries to convince Todd and Rafe that he's not Caleb, using logic, as always, to make his points. He adds Todd's story about Caleb and Heather to his own recollections about Alison to figure out that Caleb's going to use Danny to get to Sam. At the same time, Alexis and Shawn go to the penthouse, and Alexis is disturbed to realize that Sam and Danny are MIA. Luke is stunned to learn that Laura and Scott are engaged. Connie is Kate again, and she's not happy that Sonny slept with Connie. Olivia fears that Caleb or Heather will fulfill her vision of Steven getting stabbed. Duke and Anna take baby steps toward each other.

Thank you once again, McBain, for being level-headed and walking people through things that don't make sense. And I have to add: If he wanted to take Danny, why wait nine months? He could have easily taken him the night he was born; Sam wouldn't have been able to stop him.

I kind of can't wait for Kate to go visit Johnny.

You know what would've been funny? A shot of half-dressed Kate running past Luke, Laura, and Scott to get off the boat.

Why was everyone talking about how cold it is? It's February in upstate New York – of course it's cold. Or is this just supposed to remind us what the Ice Princess was made for?

February 21st, 2013

Lucy convinces Molly to break Rafe out of lockup, and McBain convinces her to break him out as well. Lucy starts a fire to cause a distraction and escapes herself. Olivia tells Kate some of the things she's missed over the last five months but really doesn't want to have to tell her that Trey is dead. A.J. asks Tracy to work with him to revive ELQ. Tracy refuses, of course, and spends a few minutes yelling about how much of a failure he is. A.J. has another panic attack but Tracy thinks he's faking a heart attack in the custom of Edward. Elizabeth talks him back to calmness, and it's really only a matter of time before they end up in bed together. Steven won't be happy, but his time is running out, so whatever. Sonny is all angsty, and poor Michael has to hear all about it.

"Do you think there's really a fire?" If there is, isn't there all the more reason to get out?

"The bad news is, your son is dead. And you killed him. The good news is, you didn't kill Starr's family!" Everything's a trade-off, right?

You know, Elizabeth, they do make non-habit-forming anti-anxiety medication. I would think that, as a nurse, you might know that.

Steven, stop jinxing yourself! Eh, never mind – it's too late.

Sonny spent all night trying to track down Kate, but he didn't think to check with her cousin? That's...dumb.

February 22nd, 2013

McBain, Rafe, and Lucy go to PCU to see if they can get any clues from the dead professor's office. McBain finds information on Stephen Clay, Caleb's alias, learning that Livvie's dead and Stephen was committed but escaped from his institution. Lucy mentions her dream from a few weeks earlier, but McBain doesn't think it was a dream. He also thinks its location (Wyndemere) is important, and he's right, because that's where Caleb took Sam and Danny. Scott wants to bury the hatchet with Lulu, since he's going to be her stepfather. That's news to her. She questions the timing of Laura accepting his proposal, since he proposed before she came to town but Laura didn't accept until after she saw Luke with Anna. Scott runs into Anna at the PCPD and declines to mention to Laura that she and Luke aren't together. Tracy thinks Luke wants Laura back. Luke thinks Scott sent the mini Ice Princess. Sonny and Olivia tell Kate about Trey. Alexis yells at Molly for an hour, so that's fun.

Whenever someone goes missing, people should just automatically check Wyndemere. And maybe Alexis should get a new caretaker.

Today's mentions of Logan had to be the first in four years. Most people probably don't even remember him.

Laura should be a lot angrier with Scott for telling Lulu about their engagement. Of course, she voluntarily spends time with him, so obviously her judgment is off. By the way, I love that everyone else on the show hates Scott as much as I do.

Okay, Luke, I'll bite. Why would Scott send Lulu a mini Ice Princess?

You know I love Shawn, but again, his presence today was unnecessary. Actually, all those Alexis/Molly/Shawn scenes were pretty unnecessary. As were Molly's flashbacks. Sonny had a pointless flashback, too, so I'm going to guess the episode ran short.

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Dante and Lulu being turned off by the mini Ice Princess; Anna seeing Scott and immediately changing course
Funniest moment (unintentional): "This is the day that will not end" – Anna, after it had been Valentine's Day for, like, two weeks
Saddest moment: Sonny and Olivia having to tell Kate that Trey died
Sweetest/cutest moment: The kid playing Aiden thanking Laura for his present without being prompted
Least believable moment: Tracy has nothing to say about Luke drinking
Most annoying character: Scott
Smartest character: McBain, who's on a hot streak of intelligence
Dumbest character: Lucy, who thinks Rafe would be safer without armed policemen around
Unanswered question of the week: Who sent Lulu the mini Ice Princess?
Things we learned this week: 1. Ellie and Maxie still live together. (That must be all kinds of awkward.)
2. Ellie's favorite non-sci fi movie is Up.
3. Britt knows lots of big words.
4. Laura and Scott are engaged.
5. She still calls him Scotty.
6. Livvie's dead.
7. Caleb's not a vampire, he's just nuts.

February 23rd, 2013

Next week: The writers giveth (Webbers) and the writers taketh away (Webbers).

February 25th, 2013

Sam tries to fend off Caleb, but she's weak from blood loss (because he bit her, see). He promises that he can accept the child she had with someone else if she can accept the child he had with Alison. McBain, Lucy, and Rafe grab weapons from the professor's office and head to Wyndemere, where Caleb leaves Danny behind but takes Sam to the secret passage. Patrick goes to an NA meeting (remember how he was addicted to pills for five minutes?), then goes to the chapel to light a candle for Robin, since it's the first anniversary of her "death." Sabrina's there, too, and tells him about her childhood: Her mother died when she was young, and her distant father sent her to live with relatives in Puerto Rico. Starr spends the anniversary of Cole and Hope's death reminiscing about her relationship with Michael and not realizing she's being stalked. Kate's upset that Sonny and Olivia let Connie have Trey taken off of life support. Sabrina accidentally spills water on herself and Steven, which I guess counts as a kind of shower. Steven frets about Olivia's other yet-to-happen vision – the one with the blood – but it turns out Olivia's the one who should be worried about bleeding: Heather's back, and she has a knife.

I enjoy McBain leading a rescue party of incompetents. It's like the early seasons of Angel (because this show hasn't had enough Buffy/Angel similarities recently).

It would be ironic if Helena showed up in the passage and cheered Caleb on, since she has reason to want Sam dead.

So Sabrina's mother died when she was around Emma's age, but she's never mentioned it? Not even to Emma, who would probably appreciate knowing that someone understands what she's gone through? Yeah, I'll buy that.

Patrick's pill problem hasn't been mentioned for months, so I'm pretty sure a writer woke up one morning, rememebered it, and said it should be mentioned again.

I can't believe that Elizabeth and Steven were discussing a mysterious red substance while eating jelly donuts, and no one made the connection.

February 26th, 2013

McBain and Lucy wander the tunnels, looking for Sam, who Caleb keeps biting so she can remember she's Livvie and they can get married. Steven asks Elizabeth to be his best "man," then practically says goodbye to her, so he's obviously not going to make it. He walks in on Olivia trying to get away from Heather and takes a knife in the stomach. Heather then flees to Wyndemere, where she runs into Rafe. Kate is all mourny. T.J.'s furious with Molly, but they make up. A.J. and Elizabeth blah blah.

Seriously, Alexis, put some guards or something on Spoon Island. This is ridiculous.

Why, if Rafe is in danger from Caleb, is he still on the island? Why doesn't he take Danny back into town?

Lucy: "I have no idea where they went." McBain: "They're in the tunnels." Lucy: "How do you know that?" WHERE ELSE WOULD THEY BE? Also, who showed McBain the tunnels? He's only been to Wyndemere once that I can remember, when he and Jason went looking for Ewen. Did Jason show him the tunnels? That would be a little ironic.

Did Olivia telling Heather, "You just stabbed your own son" remind anyone of when she told Sonny, "You just shot your own son"?

February 27th, 2013

McBain and Caleb fight, and Caleb wins the first round, rendering McBain unconscious and tying him up. Then he makes the classic villain mistake of talking too much, and not killing McBain before he wakes up. As Caleb's about to kill him, Lucy arrives, having apparently gotten directions from her hallucination of Alison. Heather asks Rafe for Danny, wanting her do-over baby now that Steven might be dying. Rafe tells her about his relationship with his mother and how he blames himself for her death. Somehow this makes Heather rational, and she turns herself in at the PCPD. Olivia and Elizabeth pray for Steven, the latter with support from A.J. Duke sneaks into the Quartermaines', telling Tracy he wants information on Luke and Anna's relationship so he can get Anna back (it makes no sense, but Tracy doesn't catch on). He finds the hidden key and swipes the relish without Tracy knowing. Alexis and Anna talk parenting, but ultimately it just depresses Anna since her own daughter is gone.

So everyone suddenly believes in the power of prayer? Okay, then.

Rafe must be magical – because he made the crazy go away.

Tracy should've given the relish to Luke to lock up in the hotel. She kind of brought this on herself.

Lucy shoots an arrow at Caleb, but he's fast enough to grab it. McBain frees himself and stabs his doppelganger, supposedly killing him. Lucy still thinks he's a vampire, so McBain pulls out Caleb's fangs. Lucy still isn't sure what to think, but she decides it's time to stop being a slayer. Steve's okay, and Olivia wants to get married right away. Tracy accuses Monica of stealing the relish for A.J., but Monica suggests that Duke did it. Duke takes the relish to Michael and Starr for safekeeping, and Starr the chemistry whiz offers to reverse engineer it to find out its ingredients. A.J. and Duke decide to keep their partnership quiet. Rafe has a vision of Alison, who confirms that Caleb is his biological father. A.J. and Elizabeth blah blah redux.