AN OPEN LETTER FROM A DAUGHTER TO HER MOTHER

Mother, I hardly ever say this, but I love you. You are my lifeline. You are my everything.

As a child, I always thought you were the bad cop while Father was the good one who, according to everyone, loved me very much. Though I wanted you both by my side, you were always the busy one and I did not get a chance to know you well. So, I admired Father alone because he was my protector, the one who destroyed anyone that hurt me. Little did I know that you were the one responsible for keeping our family under a roof we so easily took for granted.

When I was a young girl, I remember being close to you. Yes, you were the parent with the slipper in case I was disobedient, but that’s how I have grown up to be what I am today. I have always seen you working, night and day, indoors and outdoors. I have always seen your kindness to everyone around you. I have also seen you being mistreated by a few and, for some reason; I always thought of myself as your shield, against whoever it was that tried harming you. I still do.

Then, Father passed away and I cried. I cried a lot. I wanted him back. I wasn’t sure how he decided to leave us and go to a place we couldn’t even visit. I had a whole lot of self-blaming that I put myself through and never even fathomed in my slightest reverie that he left you too. While dwelling in my own sorrow, I did not realize the pain, which you were going through, as a widow and the distress that followed, as a single mother in a man’s world. Yet, life went on.

Soon after, as I reached my teenage years, I started drifting away from you because I was still looking for a protector as I missed Father a lot. I needed that male figure to care for me like he did. I needed to be someone’s princess, like I was his. I did not understand how much you missed your daughter then but my teenage tantrums and your overprotection did not allow me to understand what I was getting myself into. I did not realize then that I was already someone’s princess; YOURS.

Somewhere during my adulthood and on the way to a married life, I was excited and having the time of my life with my new found friendship. I wanted to take care of you, when you weren’t in the best of health, and I wanted to enjoy my life simultaneously. I took you for granted because, deep down, I knew that whatever happened, you would always be with me and forgive me. There were times that I regretted leaving you alone and cried my heart out at night because I did not know how to capably handle both parts of my life. I felt you were missing me too.

When I was gifted with a beautiful little princess, you told me that you were ecstatic when God gifted you with a Queen, ME! I smiled and wanted to cry with shame, not because I regretted being your daughter, but because I felt awful for not being the perfect one.

Now, as we are a few miles apart, I miss your presence. I miss telling you about all the exciting information I’ve come across. I miss you when life gets stressful and confusing. I miss you when I cannot express my feelings to my husband and kids. I miss you when I need a lap to lie on. Of course, I know I am a big girl now and have to take care of myself and my family but how can I get back the time I was living with you surrounded by your unconditional love and affection? I know you weren’t always a mother and you miss your younger days too, and you do have the right to live your life now that I have another one to handle, but still, how can I forget all the magnificent years we have spent together; laughing, shopping and doing all the girly stuff? I miss all that, and more.

Mother, you aren’t only a wonderful parent but an inspirational woman too. I have seen your tendency to make lemonade when life has many a times thrown lemons at you. You deserve the finest in life because you are the best and no one can take your place; not even me, though I’m trying my level best to be an inspiration to your darling grand-daughter, who loves you to bits too.

Cindy D'Silva, a belly dancer, writer and artist, besides being a mother of two. She loves partying, bowling and eating sushi. There is more about her on the ABOUT ME page. Do check it out! :)
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