A new survey shows that 18 percent of teens would cease all communication with the outside world and become human hermit crabs, burrowing into their shells and gradually smelling worse and worse if not for the convenience of social media. This data comes to us courtesy of email marketing company AWeber, which found out such surprising and crucial information as that 90 percent of teens are on Facebook, 93 percent use mobile phones, 74 percent are "YouTube users," and 47 percent haven't gotten over the novelty of video chatting and so still use Skype. Like losers.

Teens check their digital accoutrement first thing in the morning as if they were stockbrokers, while they're in class, and even while they're on vacation, which is awful because if anyone needs some time away from hard work, it's teenagers. If one day they woke up and all of their convenient social media outlets vanished, leaving only paper, pens, and archaic landlines in their wake, six percent of teens said they'd take up the challenge of corresponding via snail mail or think about having a landline installed. A histrionic 18 percent, however, said they'd cut off all contact with the outside world because it'd just be too haaaaaarrdd, ugh, stomp, stomp, stomp, slam bedroom door. A reasonable majority of 43 percent just figured that some new form of social media would replace the vanished versions, and they would wait patiently for that to happen while they busied themselves not having anyone to talk to.