Cat Marnell Fired By Her TEEN PUBLICIST

It seems like just yesterday (it pretty much was) that I was chatting with Alex Kazemi, Cat Marnell‘s 19-year old media flack, about the benefits of being a Gawker-validated TEEN PR KINGPIN. However, you can expect Cat’s regularly scheduled tweet-stream of MDMA market trends and cringeworthy privilege (see above slideshow) to resume because as of yesterday, Cat Marnell got fired by her TEEN PUBLICIST. Will she be submitting to Gawker’s Unemployment Stories?

I can personally vouch for the fact that Kazemi has been serving for years, behind the scenes, as a kind of unofficial advisor and oracle to many a tastemaker and international artist. He was also the music editor, remotely, for London’s now-defunct Super Super! magazine; we met when I started doing fashion for them in 2010, and I’ll never forget him forwarding me e-mails with Cassie’s (fully grown) publicist trying to finesse an upcoming cover shoot. The man is nothing if not professional.

What exactly made the young god snap? I let him speak for himself in this second installment of the Ballad of Cat Marnell. Make sure you don’t skip the part where he compares the two of them to Hole and Manson parting ways midtour in 1999.

(Lil Gov) You fired Cat Marnell? Why? You had a lot of positive things to say about her just recently.I fired Cat because I was tired of the way she would speak to me, as if I was less than her or dumb. I honestly haven’t felt so belittled all my life, and I have been emotionally abused all my life, so why would I walk back into another person’s trap? Maybe that is me being weak and “boring” or a “victim” for being so used to people treating me like dirt for no reason. The only thing i’ve learned from this experience is to not do drugs. I wish I hadn’t had gotten so involved with Cat; I preferred knowing her before much more as a fictional/idealistic person through her writing. Also I just turned 19 the other day; I’m trying to find myself and every teenager hates themselves.They don’t need to hear it all to their face, because they already know and see enough everyday in the mirror and in their head.

Basically, never do drugs and never speak to what you think are your idols.

Cat recently tweeted that you “quit” (it’s true) but also that you’re a coward. Would you care to share your assessment of that statement?She is saying I’m a coward because she thinks that I can’t handle being talked down to. When you are speaking to a drug addict narcissist, all they see is themselves and everything you do is for their own benefit. The Gawker thing was for publicity for her, to get people talking about her because there haven’t ever been “teen publicists” in the past or at least a term coined like that. She knew she would get people talking.

This week she wanted me to make a blog called “Cat Marnell’s TEEN PUBLICIST’s wall of shame”. The first post was me writing “I WILL NOT DM RIFF RAFF FROM CAT’S TWITTER” 100 times on a lined piece of paper like Bart Simpson and I’m not making myself look like a fool, so I can rub off of her 15 minutes of fame. Social climbing is so bleak; I don’t want a cosign. With any career, you should work for your own notoriety and not ride on anyone’s coattails.

She unfollowed me on Twitter as we were texting and that’s so shady…

Do you think Cat will find a new TEEN PUBLICIST? Not that she could replace you. You’re still getting her press even now.It looks like people my age want the position really badly, so maybe if they are up for it. They should go for it. I think it will be a good learning experience for them but it just doesn’t work for me at this time in my life. It’s like when Hole and Manson went on tour in 1999 and they had to stop it half way in because in between each other’s sets they would make snide comments about each other. We clash. I wish Cat all the success, and I really hope she will learn how to get off of Twitter and close herself in a dark room to write her memoir. She also directly said to me: “My friends don’t like Cat Says anymore, so we are going to stop it”. Cool is all that matters these days, folks.

How does it make you feel that adults are okay with mocking you in public? Is it entertaining because it clearly shows that you’re making some kind of cultural impact? Or is it more hurtful than that?It would hurt me if I was actually stupid and lacked self awareness, but I let them laugh because I know why they are mocking me. The ridiculousness of it all. Plus, people don’t like teenagers; they think they are jokes. Mostly adults. I find it entertaining. I just sit back and watch it all. The one thing that genuinely hurt me though was the first night Cat and I talked on the phone when she was drunk on her roof; she said “If you are straight, I can’t trust you, you can’t work for me” and she kept making all these implications about my sexuality based off of my interests. It was pathetic.

What are your plans for the future? Will you be opening your own TEEN PR FIRM? Other projects?I’ve been doing teen publicity for people since I was 14. I helped young artists in Los Angeles get placement in magazines and blogs just because I believed in their work and wanted to help them out. I’ve hooked up a couple of artists together in the pop world, I know what I’m doing. I like doing things without talking about it. You know; like a secret. I’ve had a TEEN PR firm running for years, it’s just been under my own name!