Okay, after the slightly-serious "Return of Darkness", I've returned
with a parody-ish thing... this time, involving LOTS of games. Let the
fun(?) begin... >;)

______________________________________________________________

===[?]===
"WHAT?!" Silver's voice betrayed anger and shock. "Send me BACK?! What
in the world would you want to do THAT for?"
"Because," X explained, "you are TROUBLE! You've wrecked the damn
theatre who knows how many times, you disintegrated the TV, you make
changes on the satellite -"
"Speaking of _satellites_, I've discovered something odd about it -"
"SEE? You always go around casting your spells and hacking into the
systems and-"
"I'm not leaving."
"-nosing about an... what? What did you just say?"
"I said," Silver told him patiently, "that I'm not leaving. Not
unless you shut this thing down for good and let the others go as
well."
"But they're such PERFECT victims!" X whined. "I can't just LET THEM
GO!"
"...then, I'm staying."
"You don't have any say in the matter! I'll just teleport you back
to Waterdeep- What's so funny?"
Eventually, Silver calmed down enough to speak. "You really think
that'd work?" he asked.
"I can't see why not!"
Silver snorted. "BECAUSE," he said, "I am far too good for you. You
managed to bring me here, when I wasn't prepared to fight off a
teleport attempt and didn't think anyone would try anything like that.
NOW, however, I know you, and I ALSO know I can brush off anything you
can throw at me. Tough luck, X. Deal."
"But -"
"No, that wouldn't work.
"But -"
"Nope, not that one either.
"But -"
"And THAT DEFINITELY wouldn't work. Face it, X - you're stuck with
me. Now... are you going to send us a fic, or what?"
X took a deep breath. Then he let it out in a great sigh, and said,
"I give up... Today's fic is a LONG one called 'RPG Deathmatch'.
Consider it your punishment for being such a pain in the ass. Now get
over to the theatre and SUFFER."
There was the standard 'click!' as X's link went dead.
"Well, duh," Silver told the air, and snapped his fingers.
The MR room was empty.

>At the Breath of Fire III Arena.
Silver: ...Garr fought Ryu and almost killed him, but because of a
plot contrivance, Ryu survived and went on to save the world,
blahablaha and so on. Any questions?
Shane: What if I didn't name him Ryu?
Silver: ...so what DID you name him?
Shane: [blushes] I'm not telling!
Silver: Well, seeing as you're not Jeanna, I don't think you would
have named him Sephiroth...
Jeanna: [sparkly-eyed] SEPHY-KUN!
Silver: [makes a face, disgusted] Awright, I confess: that was a bad
move.

>Host: Welcome to the first annual RPG characters deathmatches!
>I'm your host Dav Cole, I was crated by the author for several
>appearances in his fics.

Jeanna: [sighs] And there goes the fourth wall... Oh, it's one of
THOSE fis. We're doomed.
Silver: [sneezes] Damn! An SI! [blows nose] And I forgot my pills,
too!

>If you're like one of those Cait Siths
>out there and don't like new guys, TOO BAD!!!

>Dekar: Take it easy Dav.
Silver: [Dekar] ...because if you don't, I'll force you to wear a
tuxedo and a hat and then introduce you to NAV!
Shane: DING! Heh, and I didn't even FEEL my allergy!
Silver: That's because Nav is ANTI.
Jeanna: Detox.
Silver: [sweatdrop]
Shane: Poisona!
Jeanna: Nono, _Esuna_!
Shane: Oh yeah? Pure!
Silver: [whacks Shane and Jeanna] Shaddap... we got a fic to riff.

Silver: Banjo? I play the bassoon myself...
Jeanna: Figures... when he's THAT full of wind...
Silver: [conjures a sax and hits Jeanna over the head with it] You're
being a bad girl.
Jeanna: Always.
[Shane blushes]
Silver: What's THAT about, student? NOW who has the dirty mind?

>and Kazooie are here, there's Alucard,

Silver: Dracula-in-disguise...
Jeanna: No, he'd use a name like Vlad Gotasecret.
Shane: DING! First Bored of the Rings reference made by ANYONE,
ANYWHERE!
Silver: I'd go with Ima Pseudonym myself...
Shane: DING! AGAIN!

>X

[All ready weapons and spells]
Silver: GET HIM!
[all pelt the screen with swords, maces, fireballs, Ultimas, and so
on; after a while, the screen, normally impervious to such treatment,
breaks from the strain]
X: DAMMIT!
Silver: I KNOW I can find a way to block that spell... somehow...
Shane: How come he doesn't do that when we wreck the ENTIRE theatre?
Jeanna: Plot Device?
Silver: ...limitations. Too big area. It only works on smaller
objects, and the entire theatre is too big to be affected. He can't
use the spell to restore it one piece at a time, either. Don't ask me
why. It's in the Description of the spell, and we can't mess with
that.
4:th Wall: 'Scuse me... Is this where I break down?
Silver: No. It wasn't a reference to th... er, it wasn't something
like that, I mean.
4:th Wall: Phew.

> and Zero, plus others.
>Anyway, we have 10 matches for you here, and here they are, in
>random order.
>Bob Saget: I miss saying that line.

Silver: You just DID say 'that line'!
Girls: LAME! [throw popcorn at Silver]
Silver: HEY! Where did you get THAT?
Jeanna: There IS a kitchen somewhere in the living room. Don't get
lost looking for it - it's not as hard as it sounds.
Silver: I know. Reminds me of a cursed castle I visited... all the
corridors were about nine times the average length... imagine having
to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

>Dav: Shut up and get outta the Hosts' Booth!

Silver: Yeah! Each boot is made for ONE foot only! [gets thwapped]
It's not easy being funny here...

>Highwind,
>Epoch, Excerion, and the Enterprise all vs. each other,
Silver: HIGHWIND.
Jeanna: I'm not so sure... Excerion? What's that? Oh well... another
20 on Excerion. After all, after I win the other bets, I can afford
it. ^.^
Shane: [sweatdrop] ...pass.

>Delita vs. Goemon.
>Dekar: Also Vincent, Shadow, and Magus fighting each of them,

Jeanna: Vincent-sama!
Silver: Hardly. Looking at their abilities, Magus is the most
powerful. Twenty on him.
Shane: I'll go with Magus, too.
Jeanna: Bloody magic-users, always sticking together... Alright, I'll
bet against both of you and add another 20.

>Ox and Bow vs. Rand and Bo... what the hell?

All: ...
Silver: ...
Jeanna: You just SAID that two seconds before!
Silver: ... ^_^

>Dav: And our featured match, the last bosses of each fighting
>characters' games all vs. each other!

Silver: ... they'd be at each others' throats before he even got to
introduce them...

>Dav: Okay, our first match is ready to start!
>Cait Sith (through megaphone): The first match is about to start. In
>side one, hailing from Breath of Fire, Ryu and Nina! In side two,
>hailing from Breath of Fire II, Ryu and Nina! And in side three, from
>Breath of Fire III, Ryu and Nina! And now excuse me whil e I call
>Capcom and tell 'em "MORE ORIGINALITY!!!"

Silver: There is SOMTHING in that...
Girls: Yah.

>Dav: Fine by me.
>Contestants step out
>Author's Note: The characters are labled with their appropriate
>numbers, like on Cid Wars.

Shane: ... ... Ding. Sadly.
Silver: ...that's NOT the way you treat one of the greatest ficwriters
on the web.
Jeanna: Wouldn't it be fun if we got to read one of HIS fics sometime?
Silver: Don't get your hopes up. Although... maybe I could bribe X...
Hmm.
Girls: PLEASE!

>The match begins with the Ryus fighting each other while the Ninas
>fight each other.

Silver: I STILL wonder how their kids would look.

>RyuI: You can't beat me! I can use my dragon powers for as long as I
>want!
>RyuIII: Shut up! At least I can use all sorts of dragons!

Silver: Eh, III? So can Ryu I. And his dragons are a LITTLE better
than yours, if I may add.
Jeanna: What?
Silver: Best dragon shape. 999 HP. All attacks cause 999 damage to all
enemies. There are cheapo healing items that can restore ALL HP to one
character. Ryu I doesn't lose AP when he's in dragon shape and can
stay that way as long as he wants. Need I say more?
Jeanna: ...I see.
Silver: AKA, SCARILY unbalancing.
Shane: I thought we had agreed that we'd had enough of those?

>RyuII: Dammit! Why am I the only one who uses all of his AP for a
>single attack?

Silver: ... ... ... Have you seen something called 'Homestrike'? THAT
is SICK.
Girls: AAAAAAAA! GAH! GROSSNESS! AAAARGH!
Silver: Unfortunately, THEY have seen it. Bleu, on the other hand...
[Jeanna stops gagging for a second to whack Silver with a haddock]

>Perverts in audience: Naked chicks? WOW! (Run off to buy BOFIII)

Silver: [ruffles through a pocket and produces a very suspicious-
looking BoF3 box with all black-and-white cover] Got one here! Do I
hear 500 Gil?
Jeanna: Silver... that's a bootleg, right?
Silver: So? ^_^ Do I hear 550?

Silver: It's EITHER CURA _OR_ CURE 4, DAMMIT!
Shane: Not in BoF... as you WELL KNOW, _Lord Mage_.

>NinaII: How come we have attack magic while you get healing spells.

Silver: Heh... [deadpans] How come we have attack magic while you get
healing spells. You killed my brother. Now I use attack magic on you.
Jeanna: That was EVEN WORSE than usual! [whacks Silver with a lobster]
Silver: OW! What's with the seafood? Just because I said it tastes
like fish? [he ducks another lobster]

>NinaI: Maybe because everyone likes me the most.
Silver: Yeah, RIGHT! After all you put me through in that game?
Amnesia indeed! And FAQing FETCH QUESTS! I HATE you!
Jeanna: ... [sweatdrop]

>NinaIII: Oh yeah? At least we don't look like sluts with that
>"bathing suit" look!

Silver: Now THAT is another story all together! Heh heh!
[Jeanna swats Silver with an octopus. A LIVE octopus.]
Silver: Gack! [tries to untangle octopus' tentacles from his head] I'm
SO going to make TENTACLES come back and haunt you for this! Yukk!
~Transmute Octopus into Seafood~ ...but I WAS a bit hungry. [starts
eating fried octopus rings] Want some? [the girls turn green] Guess
not...

>Cait Sith: All right! RyuI
>croaked and NinaII is looking weak.
>NinaIII: (Beating NinaII with her staff) Take this and that!

Silver: I'd rather take Nina II, if you don't mind - [he gets
flattened with an Anime mallet]

>NinaII: (Moves out of the way) Oh yeah! (Casts BoltX)
>NinaIII: (Unhurt completely) Is that the best you can do? (Casts
>Myollnir)

Silver: [still flat] ...apart from the fact that those spells are
really one and the same...
Jeanna: Apart from that so what?
Silver: [popping back into his normal shape] ...I am getting a
headache. And it ISN'T spelt "myollnir", dammit!

>Kazooie: Hey Banjo, look up there.
>Banjo: Huh? Who is that?
>Bottles (That damn mole): It looks like you sister.
>Banjo: Naw, she can't fly.
>Kazooie: You two are morons! That's

Silver: PEPSIMAN! Dammit, why does THAT keep popping out all the
time??
Jeanna: [giggles] Maybe Pepsi hired X to make you say that?
Silver: [glares daggers - well, Claymores, more like it - at Jeanna]
He is NOT good enough to do that.

>Gruntilda!

[all double over laughing]

>Gruntilda: (Flies down on broom) Now thaty I've lost Tooty,
>I've given that idea the booty. But now I'll take Nina the winner,
>I'll see you all when I am thinner. (Grabs Nina and ties her to the
broom)

Silver: So SHE'S into that TOO? [gets whacked] I knew that was gonna
happen...

>Now that I have the beutiful Nina, I'll take my leave, so, see ya!
>(Flies away)
>Kazooie: Damn! I hate those rhymes!

Silver: That was a RHYME?
Jeanna: Try to make one up yourself and see how easy it is...
Silver: ... 'If you mess with me, I'll cast a spell / And blow you all
the way to hell'. There!
Jeanna: You stole that!
Silver: Only the INSPIRATION. Pay up.
Jeanna: NO WAY! THAT was no bet!
Silver: ^_^ Still owe me 20.

>Dav: Anyway there are a few minutes before the next match. We
>have a guest-host up here with us.
>Dekar: No ordinary guest.
>Dav: That's an understatement.
>Guest: Well! Why don't you introduce me?!!!

Silver: Because... [Mr. Monkey] YOOUU SUUUCK!
Girls: Help...

>Dav: Sorry, the star of the cheap Japanimation Final Fantasy movie,
>Prettz.

Silver: Now THAT is a flame, girls. Watch and learn. Oh, and if you
think THAT pose is ugly, look at Magus laughing!
Jeanna: Magus LAUGHS?? O_o
Silver: Yeah, in that Norsten guy's tent. Not a pretty sight, I tell
ya.
Shane: Ding...

>Everyone watches the skies as the four vehicles act like bulls in a
>china shop. After a few minutes.
>Epoch: (Fires laser at Excerion)

Shane: ...since WHEN did the Epoch have a LASER installed?
Silver: S&N, Shane...
Jeanna: Actually, it DOES have one.
Shane: ...what?
Jeanna: Epoch has a laser installed.
Shane: ...it does? O_o Since when?
Jeanna: Since Dalton rebuilt it, I guess...

>Dav: And I can see our guest-host is back. Prettz, what'd you
>think of that one?

Jeanna: IT SUCKED!
Silver: Tsk! Just 'cause you lost money on it...
>Prettz: I'd say Cid gave that big monkey an explosive migraine! Heh
>heh.

Silver: Yeah, REEEALLY funny... He's worse than ME!
Jeanna: Barely.

>Dav: Dammit! I'm sick of your idiotic comments! JUSTICE-SLASH!!!

Shane: [Amelia] You're an Enemy Of Justice! VISFARANK! Smacko!
VIKTORII!
Silver: Ding. Heh... But Amelia is cute. Too bad she's so young...
Jeanna: Like THAT would stop you!
Silver: I'm not THAT much of a hentai, thank-you-so-much! [glares
angrily]

>Dav: Yeah, anyway the pieces of rubble and the body parts are now
>cleared away. It's time for match number 3!

Silver: This one, as I said, is for arson - >WhackaSPLAT!< STOP
HITTING ME WITH FISH!
Jeanna: [putting away 30-kilo trout] But it's so FUN! ^.^

>Dekar: It's to determine the greatest game thief.

Jeanna: ME!! [fourth wall crumbles] What was THAT for?? And I AM the
best!
Silver: ...I seem to remember this time when...
[Jeanna glares daggers at Silver]
Silver: ...never mind.

>Locke, Yuffie, Rei, and Karn all vs. each other!

Shane: Yay! Rei is so cute!
Silver: ...KATT was cute. Rei is NOT cute.
Shane: No way! [whaps Silver]

>Dav: And to give Rei and Karn a fair match, I have conveniently
>stolen Yuffie's materia and Locke's magicite.

Silver: [Rei] Oh, GOODIE! ~MJÖLNER~! ~DEATH~! Ah, doesn't that beat
all... Can I have my prize money now?
Shane: [giggles] That is SO OOC for Rei...
X: WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT TO THE SCREEN?! ~Reverse time~ (I'm
getting a headache...)

>Locke/Yuffie: What kinda BS is that?
>
>Cait Sith: In the first corner! the Final Fantasy VII #^#%&,
>Yuffie Kisarigi!

>Dav: So do I gramps but you don't hear me complaining.
>Cait Sith: In corner three, from Breath of Fire III, Rei.
>Rei: (Scratching head) Doesn't this just beat all...

Shane: He WILL beat them all!
Silver: You're not gonna go fangirlish on me now? ONE of those is
enough...
Jeanna: BAKA! [whax Silver with a carp]
Silver: Eww. Like, so totally, like SLIMY!
Shane: [falls over laughing]
Silver: I'm SERIOUS! ~Clean Self~ Luckily, I'm REALLY good at magic.
Jeanna: THAT'S a spell?
Silver: Just made it up! ^_^
[It should be noted that Silver is quite free from fish at the moment,
so the spell presumably worked the way he intended it to]

>Cait Sith: And in the fourth corner, from Breath of Fire, Karn!

Silver: Pansy.
Jeanna: ARGH! [whacks Silver with a dolphin]

>Karn: (Jumps up and down)
>Ramza: All right contestants, I want a nice, bloody battle.

Girls: No, don't! [Shane blushes as she realises she said that]
Silver: What? Locke's into THAT? O_o I never could have guessed... and
here's he's acting all normal, hitting on Celes and all... [shakes
head] What a world.

>Women in audience: (Stop puking all over Red XIII)

Shane: GROSSNESS! They have been doing that EVER SINCE halfway through
the last match?
Silver: Anime laws - the human body contains an infinite amount of
liquid - be it blood, tears, barf, or... of course... that _other_
thing.
Jeanna: KILL! [clobbers Silver with a shark]

Silver: [Locke] Because we don't need to COMPENSATE, like SOME of our
team-mates... (Get the hint, Cloud?)
Jeanna: ...that was OK, actually. [puts away tortoise]

>Locke: Oh yeah? (Draws Atma Weapon) Ha! What're you gonna do now?!

Silver: Oh, I see... He DOES need to compensate.
Jeanna: I knew I should have kept that turtle... [throws a herring at
Silver]
Silver. Hey! Stop that! That damn sword's bigger than he is!
Shane: Hopefully, or I feel sorry for his girlfriend - ACK! [blushes
furiously] That thing you have is infectious!
Silver: Heh heh! Even _I_ wouldn't have thought of saying THAT!

>Yuffie: (Panics and runs around in little circles)

Silver: As usual, then?
>In audience.
>Luke: So that's what happened to my first lightsaber.

All: HUH?
Jeanna: Cloud hasn't even appeared yet!
Silver: S&N...
Jeanna: Say that again, and I'll make sure your head falls off next
time YOU nod!
Silver: Which head? ^_^ [gets flattened under a whale] Ow legitimate
ow question ow!

>SW Characters: (Vanish and appear to see Red XIII set Chewbacca on
>fire)

Silver: [crawls out from under whale] Go Red! [disintegrates whale and
'Reverse Time':s his massacred seat, then sits down again]

>Dekar: Oh...
>Dav: Since there were no blood or guts to clean up from the last
match,
Silver: [Dav] ...the audience became bored and started fighting,
bringing down the roof over us. I'm afraid we're stuck, and will have
to eat each other while we wait for someone to rescue us.
Shane: Ding. But that was a VERY tasteless reference, Silver.
Silver: I know... couldn't think of anything better, sadly. But hey -
would it really MATTER to you if they did that?
Shane: ...no. Got a point there.

>the next one will begin now.
>Seconds pass.
>Dav: the next one will be begin now! Now! NOW!!! ... CAIT!!!
>
>Cait Sith (Making out with Katt): Oh... sorry.

All: EEECK!! DON'T GO THERE!!
Jeanna: THIS IS DISGUSTING!
Shane: IT'S WORSE THAN DISGUSTING!
Silver: I... agree. It's time to do somthing about it... ~DUG HAUT!~
[hundreds of stone (how the stone got there? Don't ask me!) spikes
thrust through the floor, shredding almost everything inside the
theatre.]
X: AAARGH! _What have you done_?!
Silver: Saved us some agony. I want a break. I made one. Deal. [he
gets up to leave] Coming, ladies, Draco?
[All file out of the theatre. The Theme Song Generator, which,
miraculously, survived the Dug Haut, starts playing a funeral march as
the door closes behind them.]

===[Someplace very far away from Earth]===
X: F**K! Argh, this is SO... Hmm, but maybe if I call in a favour or
two, I can get the theatre repaired today... Hmm. We shall see who
gets the last laugh, Mr. Wizard! Bwafwahehe!
[In the background, Y sweatdrops]
Y: X... Oh, well... for now, we better press the button. [does that]

\ | /
\ | /
\|/
----0---- ZAP!
/|\
/ | \
/ | \

THE REAL END!

...read part II...

Mystery [Insert Pun/Injoke Here] Theatre 3081 Proudly Present...

Episode 6b:
RPG Deathmatch (continued)
By Dyne

MSTed by I Don't Need To Say That Again, Do I?

Okay, this part is bad. I've run out of stuff to say about this fic. I
don't think I'd be able to do much more about it even if I waited any
longer, and anyway, IF I waited, I'd probably never get around to
continuing anyway. So, I'll have to do with a rather below-standard
MST, and hope that the next one gives me more inspiration...

____________________________________________________
===[?]===
The three humanoids crawl out into the living room and fall down in
chairs. Draco, not bothered the least, lands on the table, and, of
course, falls asleep.
"I need a drink," Silver proclaimed.
"It'd be welcome," Jeanna agreed. "Sadly, I only have offensive gear
in my Portable Hole."
"...I wish I was feeling up to making the comment that just entered
my brain," Silver sighed, "but at the moment, that would make me sick.
"I'd like something to drink too," Shane interjected before things
could turn bad. "We got anything?"
Silver shook his head. "X didn't supply us with anything except food
and water. We don't have any liquor... but that's not saying it can't
be helped. Let's see... how did that go... Ah. ~Improved Create
Alcohol LXVII!~"
"'Improved Create Aclcohol LXVII'?" Jeanna repeated, taking care to
keep her voice expressionless.
"I've... done some research," the wizard confessed. A bottle
appeared in his hand - a transparent, empty, one-litre glass bottle.
"Ah! There it is."
"What? An empty bottle? In that case, you NEED to improve that
spell," Jeanna snorted. "Damn, and I was really thirsty, too..."
"Take this bottle," Silver commanded, grinning. "Hold it and speak
the name of any alcoholic beverage you fancy."
Sighing, Jeanna did this. "Whiskey," she commanded simply. The
bottle darkened and shrank slightly; a label faded in on one side, and
a cork appeared in the neck. Startled, Jeanna almost dropped the
bottle, but only _almost_. Pulling out the cork, she smelled the
contents -
"Dammit! It IS whiskey!"
"Of course!" Silver told her indignantly. "I wouldn't have cast the
spell if it didn't work!"
"Shouldn't have doubted you," the three-quarter-elf muttered. "I
keep forgetting what you do for a living."
Silver grinned, a slightly sad grin. "You're lucky, then," he told
her. "I keep trying, but I never manage."
There was a few seconds of rather embarrassing silence. Then Silver
conjured another two bottles, handing one to Shane. "Amaretto," he
commanded, and the bottle changed slightly; turning darker and shorter
but wider, with a large cork and fancy labels. "Ahh..."
"Amaretto, huh?" Jeanna asked with a grin. "Never thought YOU'D be
drinking THAT."
"Sometimes." Silver conjured another bottle, and told it, "Whiskey -
Scottish."
"Are you feeling comfortable now?" X's voice echoed throughout the
room. Taking a pull from the second bottle, Silver replied,
"Yeah, why?"
"Because you're going back into the theatre again!"
Everyone _almost_ dropped their bottles. "Say what?" Shane, her
fingers whitening around the bottle of red wine in her hand, managed
after a few seconds.
"I called in a favour from a Mazoku. The theatre is as good as new -
so get back and start reading, or else!" X paused. "You have five
minutes before I empty the satellite of air!" And then he was gone.
The three humanoids looked at each other. Then they raised their
bottles, took a healthy swig, and headed for the theatre.

===[WARNING! YOU ARE ENTERING MST ZONE!]===
X: And DON'T BREAK ANYTHING this time!
Silver: We'll see about that...

>Cait Sith (Making out with Katt): Oh... sorry.

All: YOU BLOODY WELL BETTER BE! [All drink]
Silver: I'm SOO glad I came up with that spell...

>Is that all? (Fires some homing missiles)
>Mustadion: (Standing in a pile of his blood)

All: GROSSH! [all drink]

>Ugh... I won't go down that
>easily. (Uses Flood Geomancy)

Silver: It'sh EITHER Geomanshy OR Aquamanshy! Anything that'sh got
anything to do with FLOODSH ishn't a phracking GEMOANSHY techniquique!
Jeanna: You're drunk.
Silver: Ishn't it wonderful? [looks cross-eyedly at Jeanna... well,
one of the Jeannas, at any rate]

Silver: WOO-HOO! [drinks EVEN more whiskey] Palmer'sh gone into orbit!

>Cid: (Waving Confederate flag) Hell yeah! As good as he Dukes!

Silver: WHO wash it that shtarted the whole "Cshid and the Dukesh of
Hazhard" crap?
Jeanna: ...Fritzh?
Silver: Your BRAIN is on the frizz...
[Jeanna smacks Silver with a 2x4]
Silver: How comes you can shtill do THAT when yhou're drunk?
Jeanna: Practishe.

>Palmer's lard: (Covers the audience)

All: GROSS! [all drink]

>Audience: (Pukes all over Red XIII)

All: GROSS!! [all drink even more]

>Red XIII: Oh come on, not again!
>Yae: I guess I'll have to do this the old way. (Draws katana)
>Cloud: Too late! (Cuts her sword in two)

Jeanna: [MK announcer] FINISH HER! [herself] I wonder if I'm still
drunk?
Silver: Not a chance.
Jeanna: [facepalms] Was afraid of that...

>Cloud: I have a better idea. (Wraps Yae in chains and throws her off
>of the cliff, into the ocean.)

All: AND WE HAVE...!

>Cait Sith: Now that's a finisher! The winner is Cloud!
>Cloud: (Does his voctory dance thingamadoo)

Shane: As opposed to his VICTORY dance thingamadoo?
Silver: As opposed to spinning a 70-kilo sword between his fingers and
then gluing it to his back.
Shane: Nani?
Silver: Did you EVER see a sheath for any of those things?
Jeanna: I'm glad it wasn't ME who just said that, or I'd NEVER hear
the end of it...

>In Hosts' Booth.
>Barret: Hell yeah!
>Dav: A fitting end.

Silver: I KNOW you stole that line! Bring fifty grand to the Grand
Centra Station tomorrow, fourteen hundred hours! Or I'm calling the
COP:s!
Jeanna: [Whacks Silver with a clarinet] That was ONE LAME PUN.
Silver: Actually, it was TWO puns...
Jeanna: Two? OK... [whacks Silver with a clarinet] Better now?
Silver: ...that was NOT what I meant.

>Dekar: But now we don't have an interviewer any more.
>Dav: How quickly you forget. Here's our backup, Setzer Gabbianni/

Jeanna: Setzer-kun!
Silver: Grr! [whacks Jeanna with a 4x8] ONE was enough! That's the
THIRD one!
Jeanna: As ow if YOU're ow one to speak ow!

Silver: THAT is a fate worse than death! Nyahaha!
Jeanna: Shaddap! I happen to LIKE that game!
[Silver facefaults]

>Dekar: Since the TV is no good we have to resort to interviews.
>Setzer!
Jeanna: Setzer... [Silver conjures a rhinoceros and floats it in the
air over her head] ...san?
Silver: Better, yes. [dispels rhino]

>Setzer: I'm down here in the locker room with Sephiroth. Seph, are
>you ready for your biggest match ever?

>Cait Sith: And Vincent is gone! Let's check Shadow and Magus!
>Magus: Very well then, if you're prepard for the void.
>Shadow: Shut up farm boy!

Silver: FARM boy? O_o Magus is a phockin' PRINCE dammit!
Jeanna: You mean, The Wizard Formerly Known As - [she gets whacked
with a hardcover copy of "The Fic Formerly Known As The End Of
Innocence"] Itai...

>Portrait: (Kills Magus)
>Shadow: Hey, he was mine!
>Relm: Was not!
>Shadow: Was too!
>Relm: Was not!
>Shadow: Was too!
>Relm: Was not!
>Shadow: Was too!

Silver: [Zor] Did not!
Shane: [Chaz] Did too!
Silver: [Zor] Did not!
Shane: [Chaz] Did too!
Silver: [Zor] Did not!
Shane: [Chaz] Did too!
Jeanna: ... ~HEAVEN AND EARTH CUT!~
[Silver and Shane get blasted into the back row of the theatre]

>During this argument Alucard kills both Shadow and Relm.
>Cait Sith: And the winner is Alucard!
>Dracula: Well met my son!

Silver: [crawls back into his ruined seat] I thought vampires couldn't
see their mirror images? So... how come he's reading his NAME in the
mirror?
Shane: [ditto] They can't CAST Mirror Image either!
Silver: ...

>Alucard: Father...I was hoping we would not see each other again. How

Shane: [Maria] I AM your mother!
Others: O_o
Shane: Huh?
Silver: You REALISE that you've just managed to kill the myth of the
"virgin"? She can't possibly get away with "god" being the father of
BOTH kids...
[Shane facefaults]

>Cait Sith: Aw, another happy ending.

Silver: BOO!

>Now get the hell out!
>Alucard: Sorry. (Leaves with Maria)
>
>In Hosts' Booth.
>Dav: All right, now that the match is over and we have nothing to do,
>we'll move on.
>Dekar: It's Edge and Mario vs. Ebusumaru and Geno!
>Dav: Personally I don't think Ebisumaru stands a chance, he sucks!

Silver: As if MARIO would stand a chance! Edge rules! ^_^
Jeanna: He's a bad casanova. Hmm... well, of COURSE Silver likes him.
Shane: Was that...?
Jeanna: Was that what?
Silver: It most certainly was NOT. RIGHT, JEANNA...? [makes a show of
holding up a Fireball]
Jeanna: Gleep! Whatever it was, it wasn't... whatever it was that it
isn't! [sweatdrops]

Silver: [announcer] Goat Dolls! Goat Dolls! Slightly used Goat Dolls!
Five for a buck!
Jeanna: [customer] "Used"? What do you mean by "used"?
[Shane blushes]
Silver: HOLD on a minute... did you just ... [singing] She didn't
say... what I think she did... did she? [talking] You did, didn't
you?!
Jeanna: So WHAT? I have a license for that too, you know! [she gives
Silver a hurt look]

>Edge: You little pansy!

Silver: ^_^

>Come here!

Silver: :P Yukk!
Jeanna: Argh!

>Ebisumaru: Okay. (Regrows behind Edge and whcks him with his hammer)
>Cait Sith: And Ebisumaru has turned the tide! Let's see how Mario and
>Geno are doing!

>Aside from you expected Tifa is fighting Toadstool while Mallow takes
>Aeris on.

Silver: [looks to the left, then to the right, then looks at the
reader] I don't think it'd be good for my health to make that riff
you're expecting. Sorry.
Author's Note: There goes the fourth wall... OW! Dammit, why does that
thing have to fall on ME all the time?
Silver: ONE more of those "Authors' Note" things and you'll be a very
sorry Author!

>Mallow is gonna make a comeback!
>Mallow: You killed her! I'm not gonna cry, but I'll kill you!
>(Repeatedly
>attacks Toadstool with Sonic Cymbals)
>Toadstool: (Head explodes from the noise, blood and brains cover the
>audience)

Silver: Uh oh. Here we go again...

>Red XIII: Uh oh. (Moves Edgar into his seat)

All: O_O !!!

>Edgar: Huh?
>Audience: (Pukes all over Edgar)

Silver: Heh heh heh...
Shane: GROSSNESS!
[Silver sweatdrops]

>Edgar: Aauuugh!!!

Shane: Indeed! GROSSNESS! Yuck!

>Cait Sith: And now Toadstool is dead! It's down to Mallow and Aeris!
>Aeris: Take this! (Whacks Mallow with her staff)
>Mallow: (Splits in two and
Silver: ...dies. ^_^ The end!
>gives Aeris the raspberry)

>looks like he was successful.
>Ryu/Nina: (Enter Hosts' Booth)
>Ryu: Dav, we have an announcement to make.
>Dav: Go ahead.
>Nina: We're getting married during the victory celebration for the
>winners

Silver: DisGUSTING!
Shane: No, it's CUTE!
Silver: ...urk.

>Barret: What the hell?
>Dav: Fine by me, you two sit up here during the last match.
>Barret: Wait! Where're Banjo an' Kazooie?
>Ryu: Uh... I accidentially blew them away when I went berserk by
>using the Infinity Gene without the Failure Gene.

Silver: Now THAT system is JUST stupid. FAILURE gene? O_o SOMEONE
needs to take a Crash Course In Genetics...

>Dav: Wow good job. It's time for the last match!

Silver: ...the one for PERSON!
Jeanna: GRR! [sets fire to Silver]
Silver: [shows her The Finger; he's wearing a red ring on that very
selfsame finger] ^_^ Flare Ring.
Shane: How many rings do you HAVE, anyway?
Silver: Himitsu desu, Shane-chan.
Shane: ~FIREBALL!~

>Barret: Hell yeah!
>Ryu: Sweet!
>Nina (muttering): Men...

Silver: ...are very good to have around. ^_^ [he gets thwapped] What?

>Cait Sith: The final match is about to begin! From Final
>Fantasy 6, Kefka!

Silver: ~Darkness beyond twilight...~
Jeanna: [sweatdrop] What IS it with you and Kefka anyway?
Silver: ...I DISLIKE him... ~...crimson beyond blood that flows...~

>Kefka: (Laughs menihically)

Silver: ~...buried in the flow of time...~

>Cait Sith: From Final Fantasy 4, Zeromus!

Silver: PANSY!
Jeanna: Argh!
Silver: Would you rather I continue the chant?
Jeanna: [blinks] ...no.

Jeanna: ...hold it... hold it... I KNOW I have a riff for this
somewhere...
[a few seconds pass]
Jeanna: Dammit! I lost it.
Silver: A LONG time ago...
Jeanna: ...huh - HEY!
Silver: ^_^

>(Launches a buch of giant asteriods)

Silver: ...AKA, cast Comet. ^_^

>Lily: (Gets killed right away)
>Smithy: (Casts Sword, Spear, and Arrow Rain)
>Altima: (Dies right away)
>The last bosses keep using their cheap spells until it's down to
>Dancin' and Kefka.

Silver: KEFKA beat ZEROMUS?? Now I've seen EVERYTHING! o_O

>Kefka (Laughing menihically): Now I will destroy this world!
>Dancin': Oh yeah? (Shoots a bunch of colored balls at Kefka)

Silver: Oh yeah, THAT'll hurt him...

>Kefka: (Extremely hurt)

Silver: What?! It DID hurt him?
Jeanna: Tough luck. Deal. ^_^

>Crud, what a mess!
>Dancin': (Charges Kefka

Silver: [Kefka] Hey! I can't pay this!
Shane: [Dancin'] Sorry... A nine-course dinner, a 1876 red wine, and a
bucket of Russian caviar... that IS 6.000.076 gil, including tip. You
were well aware of this when you ordered.

>with robot)
>Kefka: (Flies through the wall and dies)

Silver: YEAH!

>Cait Sith: The winner is Dancin'!
>Dancin': (Laughs menihically) Now I will make this into a beautiful
>stage.

All: O_o

>Goemon: Oh no you don't! I won't let you get away this time! (Summons
>Impact) Impact theme song plays.

>Dav: Once again, thanks to all of the contestants, and we have a
>victory celebration for the winners...
>Ryu: Plus a wedding.
>Dav: In the 7th Heaven.

Silver: [God] No, it's hired. Why don't you take the 6th Heaven
instead?
Jeanna: [Dav] Hey! I thought we sorted that out!
Silver: [God] Sorry. The last wedding was so noisy I couldn't sleep.
I'd feel much better with another Heaven between you and me.
Shane: Now THAT is gonna get people SO mad at you, Silver.
Silver: So? ^_^

>At the celebration.
>Dav: Hey Aeris? Are you glad to have won Cloud?

All: [Singing] Up on Cloud number Nine...

>Aeris: Yeah, but I think he wanted Tifa more.
>Dav: I see your point. (Looks at Cloud who's sobbing over a
>picture of Tifa) Hey Cid! How do you feel?
>Cid: Like I was hit by a #^#% on of bricks. Are the Dukes on yet?

Silver: [facepalms] I hate that...

>Hondara: Excuse me, it's time to start the wedding.

Silver: [Hondara] Are you saying you want to abandon the teachings of
God? [himself] HELL YES!
Girls: [sweatdrop]

Silver: [Hondara] ...Dragon and Bird... thing... whatever it is that
you are, Nina.

>man and wife.

Silver: That works too.

>Everyone cheers.

All: BOO!

>Barret (Crying): Damn man, I'm no good at weddings.

Silver: You only have to be good at the WEDDING NIGHT, Barret -
>SMACK!<

>Dav: Yeah, even though we hosted death matches we have a happy
>ending.
>Nina: If you hadn't hosted the matches, I probably would never have
>revealed my feelings for Ryu. Thank you Dav. (Kisses him)
>Barret (Thinking): He probably would've killed her first though.

Silver: [Erg] Nina is a pretty sad character. Her magic isn't bad,
but isn't much better than Peco's or Rei's regular attacks. She'd be
okay, actually, if it wasn't for her complete lack of anything
resembling defence -- she usually gets killed in one or two hits.
[himself] Agreed! ^_^
Shane: DING! I'm running low on Tildes, but have one anyway... you
deserve it. ~!
Silver: Nah, you keep that. ~!
Shane: Sure? Thanks. [puts Tilde back in box]
Jeanna: [sweatdrop] Tildes... O.o Argh!

>Dav: (Blushes)
>Dyne: Hey! What about me? I came up with the deathmeatch ideas!

>Dav: What're you staring at? Let's continue the celebration.
>The celebration/reception continues.
>Fahl: hic...Why do I have to be bartender? I wasn't in any match?
>Bo: Because Tifa was killed.
>Fahl: Oh...
>Cloud: Hey Fahl, what's that black bottle back there?
>Fahl: Don't know...hic...
>Cloud: I'll take some.
>Cait Sith: I wouldn't do that.
>Cloud: Oh come on, hat harm could it do?

Silver: [Cait] Well, for starters, NO ONE should drink something that
comes from a bottle that is black with a white skull-and-crossbones
motif. Second, the label says "DANGER! POISON! AND WE DON'T MEAN THE
BAND!".
Shane: Heh!

>(Pours a glass)
>Cid: Hey! What the @$%& aer you doing?! (Runs up and starts to choke
>Cloud) Stay outta my booze!
>Barret: We gonna have Cloud an' Cid fight?
>Dav: Nah, plus I have a date. (Leaves with A -Ko)
>Edge: Lucky pansy.

Silver: Luck has nothing to do with it. He's SELFINSERTED! But the
"pansy" part was OK...
Jeanna: Urk.

>Barret: Well, you'll never see anything like dis again.
>Cid (Drunk off his @$$): (Pukes all over Red XIII)

X: Which you'll have to read - if I can find it, that is...
Silver: In your DREAMS, X. Hmm... X-rated dreams?
[Jenna whacks Silver with a sitar]

>I say to the losers and those
>who idn't participate... "GET SOME PRACTICE AND MAYBE YOU'LL WIN NEXT
>TIME!!!"

Shane: Er... the 'losers' all died...
Jeanna: They did it with Aerith, so why not resurrect the rest while
they're at it?
Silver: [yawns] I WOULD win. Therefore, I don't NEED to participate.
Jeanna: Like hell you would...
Silver: Oh? How about I just show you just how badly I would hurt
those guys? ~Infinity...~
Jeanna: IIIH! I take that back! I take it BACK!
Silver: I knew you would. ^_^

===[?]===
"What the...?"
Silver blinked. "The door... has moved?"
He stared at the door to the MR room for a few seconds. Then he
produced a piece of chalk and drew a short, vertical line on the wall,
just to the right of the door.
*I will have to look into this...*

THE REAL END!

...AAAAARGHH!!!

Sorry, just had to do that.

Finally, I got this damn thing finished. It took far too long, but
here it is... not as good as it cold be, perhaps, but FINISHED.

Brr. No more RPG deathmatch for me... on to something more inspiring.
'Til next time...