The best time to have kids — young or old?

OK, it’s time for one of those questions that has no right answer, like Which is better, dogs or cats? You can get opinions on both sides, and back them up with empirical evidence (one loves you unconditionally, one cleans up its own poop), but you can’t really come up with correct and incorrect responses, or a winner or loser on either side of the debate. Still, it’s interesting to hear how people feel about the issue.

scarpatetti.com

Ben Cartwright was 12 when he had Hoss. Their relationship was strong.

My question is: Is it better to have kids when you’re younger or older?

I often refer to myself as a geezer mom, because I didn’t have my first child till I was 37, and just a few months before turning 38. I had my second when I was 40, just weeks away from 41.

While I always had plenty of company at the playground — the Bay Area seems filled with geezer moms and dads — I’m still the oldest in my mothers’ group and was the oldest in both my kids’ elementary school classes. Other moms were moaning about turning 40 when I was pushing 50.

I never minded being older. The cool thing is that having young kids keeps you young. While my chronological peers were turning into boring couch potatoes, I was running after my kids and shagging balls at the park. I learned to surf and ski along with them, and I kept up with pop music and technology through them. They learned the history of rock, blues and jazz from us.

One of my fondest memories is of my husband, the pop music journalist and historian, sitting on the couch with our then-tween daughter, Hayley, watching the “History of Rock ‘n’ Roll” documentary series night after night, and seeing her wide-eyed appreciation of everyone from Janis Joplin to Sid Vicious. Not long after that, her favorite band became the Doors. And her education continues. In December, the month she turned 15, she and her dad watched a documentary on the Pink Floyd and London’s psychedelic ’60s underground while I was wrapping Christmas presents in the next room.

A big part of the reason I became a geezer mom was that we were both rock journalists when we got married, and we were going out multiple nights per week to concerts and nightclubs, and even traveling on the occasional tour. We didn’t have kids till we’d been married almost 10 years.

ew.com

Sipowicz was in his 50s when he had another son: No regrets.

I wouldn’t trade those freewheeling years for anything. But after I had a kid and got how great it was, I couldn’t help but wonder why I waited so long. And once I had my second kid, I understood for the first time what’s cool about having multiple children, seeing the differences in their appearance, personalities and gender. If I’d been younger I might have considered having more. I grew up around big Catholic families who gained bragging rights with each newborn. I knew two families who lived across the street from each other, and both families had 10 kids. One insisted they won the competition because they had actually had 10 births, where the other family “cheated” by having a set of twins.

I never regretted becoming a parent late. The upside is that we had more maturity and perhaps patience as we faced the vicissitudes of childrearing (and the accompanying poverty) and our relationship was strong. Young people in their late teens and early 20s who become parents early are often still getting to know each other — and themselves — and the pressures of parenting can help drive them to divorce. (Just ask Britney and K-Fed.)

The downside is having a little less energy, especially for chase games in the park and going back in the pool after you’re all dry and baked and ready to bolt. Our standard line to our son, Kyle, when he would beg us to get off the bench or picnic blanket to do whatever he wanted “just one more time” was: “Too bad. You should have gotten younger parents.”