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How Should We Conduct Ourselves in Relationship to Other People

In Answer to a Letter

Metropolitan Gregory of Saint Petersburg (1904)

The answer to this question is given by the Lord Himself: Love
thy neighbor(Luke 10:27).

The Lord Jesus Christ very categorically demands that we love
one another. While giving His last instructions to His disciples
before His suffering, He often, and with great force, entrusted
them with this love. Namely: This is My commandment, That ye
love one another...(John 15:12) These things I command
you, that ye love one another (John 15 17). A new
commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another... (John
13:34). This is precisely what all of the apostles oblige
us to do. The holy Apostle Peter, together with all the other
apostles, commanded us to love. St. Peter writes: ...See that
ye love one another with a pure hears fervently (1 Peter
1:22). St. John the Theologian writes: Beloved, let us love
one another (1John 4:7). For this is the message
that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another
(1John 3:11; John 5). And this His commandment,
That we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and
love one another, as He gave us commandment (1 John 3:23).
St. Paul says: Walk in love (Eph. 5:2)....For ye
yourselves are taught of God to love one another (1Thess.
4:9).The holy Apostle James writes: the royal law
according to the Scripture [is], Thou shalt love thy neighbor as
thyself... (James 2:8).

The measure of this love is clearly defined by the Lord
Himself. He demands that we all love our neighbor as ourselves,
for He said: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself (Luke
10:27).... Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do
ye even so to them (Matthew 7:12). This is exactly
what all the holy apostles said. Therefore my reader, take note
and fulfill the following instructions.

1. You want the best for yourself and are satisfied when
everything works out for the best. On the other hand you are not
pleased when for some reason things fail. Therefore wish the best
for all of your neighbors: rejoice when they are happy and
commiserate when they fall into misfortune.

2. It is unpleasant when people react to you poorly and
suspect you of some evil doing. Therefore do not speak poorly of
anyone, and without sufficient cause do not be suspicious of
anyone. Love thinketh no evil (1Cor. 13:5).

3. It is pleasant for you when people speak well of you.
Therefore you should speak well of all your neighbors. Be
especially careful not to slander your neighbor. Slander is the
work of Satan, let it belong to him alone (Rev. 12:10). You speak
only good of your neighbor.

4. When someone speaks poorly about someone outside your
circle, try, if at all possible, to defend or excuse him. Besides
this, never repeat that which you have heard. For it frequently
happens that things are said about people because of malice or
out of revenge, and to repeat that which was said can cause
enmity. Enmity is described in the Word of God as one of those
vices which can prevent one from entering the Kingdom of Heaven
(Gal. 5:20).

5. It is unpleasant for you when people divulge your
shortcomings and especially your vices. Therefore when you see
the weaknesses and vices of others, do not announce them to
everyone for: Charity...beareth all things,... endureth all
things (1Cor. 13:4-7). Look for the right occasion
and lovingly point out the weaknesses and vices you noticed;
incline the person to correct himself. After a time, if you see
that the vices you noticed do not scandalize others, then you
yourself cease from mentioning them.. If possible tell them to a
person (like the priest) who is assigned to correct and check
them and protect others from temptation and harm. To tempt others
is a terrible sin (Matt. 18:6).

You do not like it when others treat you roughly and offend
you in some way. Therefore you should treat everyone kindly
without exception. Be especially careful not to use swear words
or offensive ones. If it so happens that someone treats you
crudely, angrily, and says unpleasant things to you, then answer
him meekly, for, A soft answer turneth away wrath (Prov.
15:1). If it happens that because of an offense you became angry
with your neighbor, then say nothing, for immediately your anger
will flame up, and in an impassioned state you are likely to
consider it necessary to say something that you later sorely
regret, but will be incapable of correcting. While angry say
nothing but wait until you have completely calmed down. If your
neighbor is for some reason very angry with you, do not attempt
to talk him out of it, even if it seems very necessary, for while
he is in the heat of anger the passion is in control of him and
not his reason, therefore you must not try to dissuade
himit is impossible to speak convincingly to someone out of
his mind, your words will only make him more angry and force him
to do something possibly harmful to you

6. You are pleased when people help you when you are in need
Therefore strive yourself, as much as you can, to help your
neighbor in all of his needs. For alms (all good deeds) doth
deliver from death, and shall purge away all sin. Those that
exercise alms and righteousness shall be filled with life (Tobit
12:9) the Word of God tells us. Here we must follow a special
rule Namely:

a) We must first, before helping other people help those whom
God's foresight has united us with, i.e., parents, relatives,
authorities, benefactors, those under our authority, and fellow
believers. St. Paul says concerning the first group, But if
any provide not for those of his own house, he hath denied the
Faith, and is worse than an infidel (1Tim. 5:8).
Concerning fellow believers the Apostle teaches: As we have
therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially
unto them who are of the household of Faith (Gal 6:10).

b) Among the above, before others, come to the assistance of
those who are especially in need, that is the ill and disabled.
Even if you cannot give them what they specifically need, then at
least visit them, serve them in some way, and comfort them. Act
in this way even if they are totally ungrateful to you, for Love
does not seek its own (1Cor. 13:5), and the Lord will
reward you.

7) Having assisted those among your living neighbors, do not
deny those among your departed neighbors. Pray for all the
departed, and especially for those who died suddenly and without
proper preparation, and while still in serious sins. Remember
them more often and offer what alms you can for their salvation.
Many of our departed neighbors, especially those who reposed
without proper preparation, need our help incomparably more than
those among the living who are extremely impoverished, because
the reposed are now incapable of helping themselves. Only we the
living can offer them help.

8) Our love for ourselves can be and, unfortunately, often is
truly misplaced. How many people desire and strive for earthly
goods, great honor, respect, prosperity. Therefore our Lord Jesus
Christ was so pleased to place a specific condition on our love
for our neighbor; He commanded that we should love our neighbor
as He loved us. This is my commandment, That ye love one
another, as I have loved you (John 15:12). Love one
another as I have loved you (John 13:34). The Lord Jesus
Christ so loved us, the faithful, His Church, that He gave
Himself for it; That He might sanctify it. .. That He might
present it to Himself...not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such
thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish (Eph.
5:25-27). He strove and strives to create in all of us firm faith
in God the Father and in Himself (John 3:16), to offer us a true
knowledge of God (John 1: 18; 17:3), to inspire us to love Him
(John 17:26), to lovingly and zealously fulfill the commandments
of God (John 14; 21, 23, 24) and to lead us to eternal life (John
3:16).

Therefore each of us who sincerely loves himself should in
every way possible strive to acquire firm faith in the Lord God,
true knowledge of Him, heart felt love for Him and the most
zealous desire to fulfill His commandments. Thus we should also
act in relationship to our neighbor so that he might acquire firm
faith in the Lord God, true knowledge of Him, acquire love for
Him, zealously striving to fulfill His commandments and thus
continually grow towards eternal blessedness. Every one of us
should in every way possible inspire our neighbor to care for the
salvation of his soul, to support and increase this concern by
whatever means possible. None of us should dare say: "What
do I have to do with the quality of my neighbor's life?"
Quite the opposite, each of us, when we notice that a Christian
is behaving in an improper way, should look for the right time in
order to privately and with love bring him to his senses and
direct him on the right path of salvation. Now we exhort you (not
just ask), brethren, warn them that are unruly (1Thess.
5:14).

In order to assist our neighbor spiritually we should strive
much more earnestly than to help him physically. Physical help
must be offered in such a way that it more or less contributes to
the spiritual perfection of our neighbor and to his salvation.
The spiritual need of our neighbor is incomparably more important
than any of his physical needs. And to give spiritual assistance
is often much more difficult than to give physical because, as a
rule, for to physical assistance people usually respond with
gratitude, but to spiritual, almost never, and it is not unusual
for them to repay us with hatred and even vengeance.

9) As in offering physical help, in offering spiritual help we
must also follow a special rule mainly: before others we should
heed the needs of people that God's Providence has closely bound
us with, such as our children, relatives, friends, benefactors,
employees. He who strives to instruct, correct and awake the
conscience in strangers while his own children or employees run
out of control and fall into sins and error, does not fulfill the
commandment of love for his neighbor. He is not a friend to his
neighbor but an enemy, one who is at times extremely harmful and
destructive.

10) If the opportunity arises we should never refuse physical
and especially spiritual help to the depraved, to foreigners,
non-Orthodox, heretics, atheists, and enemies, for all of them,
no matter what their orientation or disposition, are human, all
created by the Creator, all with an immortal soul and in the
likeness of God. They are all redeemed by the priceless Blood of
Jesus Christ and therefore all children of the Heavenly Father,
all redeemed by Christ and all co-inheritors of the one, eternal,
all blessed Kingdom of God. Therefore we should show love to all
people People who are depraved, heretics, and atheists, all are
in the greatest need of our spiritual aid, especially our prayers
and our example to them Concerning our enemies there is the clear
commandment of the Lord: But I say unto you, Love your
enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate
you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute
you (Matthew 5:44). There can be no contradiction here, for
the Apostle John makes it clear to us that: Whoever hateth his
brother is a murderer (John 3:15)

This is how we should love our neighbor. If we were filled
with love for all our neighbors we would be perfectly happy. Then
there would not be such unhappiness on earth and our life would
become like the life of our ancestors in blissful paradise. Let
us zealously fulfill the Lord's commandments of love for our
neighbor, and in every way possible strive to bring our live
closer to that of our ancestors in paradise!

From Orthodox Life, Vol. 46, No. 4,
July-August 1996, pp. 2-6. It was originally translated from the
book A Day of Holy Life, or the Answer to the Question, How
Can I Lead a Holy Life.

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St. John of Kronstadt on Slander

When you are slandered, and therefore grow disturbed and sick at heart,
it shows that pride is in you, and that it must be wounded and driven out by outward dishonour.
Therefore do not be irritated by derision, and do not bear malice against those who hate you and
slander you, but love them as your physicians, whom God has sent you instruct you and to teach you
humility, and pray to God for them. "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you." (St. Matt. 5:44)
Say to yourself, "It is not me that they slander, but my evil passions; not me that they strike,
but that viper which nestles in my heart, and smarts when anybody speaks ill of it. I will comfort
myself with the thought that, perhaps, these good people will drive it from my heart by their caustic
words, and my heart will then cease to ache." Therefore, thank God for outward dishonour: those who
endure dishonour here will not be subjected to it in the next world. "She hath received of the Lord's
hand double for all her sins." (Isaiah 40:2) "Lord, Thou wilt ordain peace for us: for Thou also hast
wrought all our works for us." (Isaiah 26:12)