Mental Health Week begins on October 7th, 2018. To celebrate, we are sharing a series of articles by seven different writers each of whom have chosen a verb that for them, relates to mental health. We’re calling this series ‘Doing Mental Health’ and you can look forward to reading ‘to Talk’ ‘to Be’ ‘to Self-Care’ ‘to Change’ ‘to Permit’ ’to Speak’ and ‘to Balance’. You’ll find one new article every day of Mental Health Week and we hope you enjoy each and every one. Yours in mental health, The Psychology of It.

For those of you having flashbacks to first grade, a verb is a doing word. I’d like to kickstart the week with verb ‘to be’ – the most irregular verb in the English language, and perhaps also the most difficult to do. In an age where busyness is worn as a badge of honour, conversations are only half-heard as our minds constantly scroll our to-do lists already into the next half an hour when we’ll be doing our next task only half-present as we mentally prepare for the following event as well as dwell on how terrible we feel that we only half-listened to our friend earlier in the day, staying in the moment is often an impossible task.

To be in the moment, even only one moment at a time and even only for five minutes in a day, can make a significant and positive impact on your mental health and wellbeing. The beautiful thing is that It’s something you can do in your day without adding any extra work to your already busy schedule. Instead, you can choose anything you’re already doing, and do it mindfully! Simple.

To make it even easier for you, I’m going to give you some suggestions to try. Why not take the principles and apply them to anything that fits in your daily life?

To sit on your favourite reading chair, the one beside the window, and feel the sun warming your arm, chest, leg and face. Tell yourself, I can feel the sun warming my body and name where you are noticing it.

To listen to you dog’s breath as he sleeps with his head on your lap. Pat his head slowly and notice how his breathing changes. Does he wake up? How does his fur feel under your hand? Count the number of pats you give. Notice how you are feeling.

To hold that sip of lemon tea in your mouth, just that little second longer to savour the taste. Notice the sound of the cup hitting the saucer and the smell of that freshly squeezed lemon.

To close your eyes and inhale the smell of the vanilla candle burning. Where does that scent take you back to in time? What memories does that smell elicit? Why not open your eyes and watch the flame flicker for just 30 seconds. For 30 seconds, keep your attention on and coming back to that flame.

To walk along the beach and listen to the eb and flow of the waves as they roll into shore – no earphones, no music, no phone – just ocean. Watch the waves rise and rise and rise until they crash, leaving white foam, and finely flat clear water. Notice how many different shades of blue you can see.

To listen to the crack as you break off one square of chocolate, noticing the anticipation in your mouth as you gently raise it to your lips, smell the chocolatey scent and then place it on your tongue. Let it sit there for a second or two, don’t do anything to it, just let it be. And notice how it tastes and notice your urges to chew it or suck it. Notice your thoughts and observations but remember to tell yourself, I’m eating chocolate.

To focus on your friend’s eyes when they are talking to you. What emotion can you see? Is there laughter there? Does the emotion match what they’re telling you? Where are they focussed? What colour are their eyes? Is there any detail about them that you’ve never noticed before?

To drive your car and count the number of cars that drive past you. Notice their colours and their make. Listen to what song is on the radio and the temperature outside. Read every street sign. Listen to the tick of your indicator. What speed are you doing? How comfortable is your chair?

To take that 'white space' in your diary, you know the space that isn't filled with something 'important'. Take that space, even just five or ten minutes or longer if you can, and don't do anything. Be with yourself. Check in with your body. How are you feeling? Start at the top of your head and work your way down to your toes. Check in with your thoughts? What's happening in your mind? Then refocus your attention to now. What are five things you can see? What are five things you can hear? What are five things you can smell? What are five things you can taste? What are five things you can feel?

"Our values are important because they help us to grow and develop. They help us to create the future we want to experience. Every individual and every organisation is involved in making hundreds of decisions every day. The decisions we make are a reflection of our values and beliefs, and they are always directed towards a specific purpose. That purpose is the satisfaction of our individual or collective (organisational) needs."Barrett Values Centre

People tend to knock on the clinic door when they are looking for change.

Perhaps they are hoping to change how they feel, or the kinds of thoughts they are having. Often, they are wanting to change their behaviour in some way, perhaps to get along better with someone in their life, or in order to live a healthier lifestyle.

More often than not, they have found themselves at one of Life's crossroads and they're unsure how to problem-solve their way through it.

Sometimes, they are lacking to motivation to do what is required to bring about the changes they are seeking.

Other times, they don't even realise that something needs to change.

In all of those situations, actively re-evaluating a person's values - what they deem to be important in their life - can help them re-focus, problem-solve and self-motivate towards a change for the better.

Values play an important role in several therapeutic models of care, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

Different therapists will use values in different ways. There are endless resources available to facilitate values based work, and in fact, resources aren't even necessary.

I personally like to use visual resources with my clients and mostly lean on a set of values cards from the University of New Mexico which you can download from this link or print them from this article.

Typically, I will provide the cards at the end of the initial assessment for a client to take home and sort for homework. This is especially the case when the goals for therapy are not clear, or when I feel a client will benefit from additional motivation for change. We've discussed the Stages of Change Model and the importance of motivation in a previous article.

Step One:

Cut the pages into cards. The way the cards come back to the following session actually provides a lot of information about a client. My perfectionistic clients can't bare to not have the cards cut perfectly, for example.

Step Two:

Now, this is just one of many ways to use these cards. You can find instructions for them on the Internet for ideas about how you might like to use them. The way I prefer, is to ask the client to take the three heading cards on the front page: Very Important to Me; Important to Me; and, Not Important to Me and lay those out on the dining table (or wherever!). Then take the remaining values cards and sort them under the headings. It's important to go with your gut feeling and not think about this too much. It's also important to remember that "Very Important" does not equate to "I'm doing well at this."

Step Three:

The focus is now on the "Very Important to Me" group as this pile of values describes your ideal life, incorporating everything that is non-negotiably important to you. We take that group of cards and we ask ourselves, "How satisfied am I at this moment in my life, with how well I am living this particular value?" If the answer is, "I'm satisified", then the card goes into the 'working well' pile. If the answer is "No, I'm not satisfied with this", it goes in the 'work in progress' pile.

Step Four:

For each of the values in the 'work in progress' pile, we discuss every obstacle and barrier currently impeding the living of each of those values. Those barriers could be mood related, related to thoughts and beliefs, they could be practical, or restricted by time or opportunities. One thing is for sure however, and that is that there will be common themes that come through as those obstacles are identified. The more often a barrier like fear, for example, or avoidance, appears, the more of a priority it is to be worked through. A choice has now been created between giving into a barrier or making a choice in line with one's values. In therapy, specific goals are set in line with the values that are being worked towards. With choice comes a greater sense of control over one's life, and a positive cycle of living in line with our values is created.

Step Five:

Because it's easy for us to become complacent and avoid hard work, I recommend my clients take their 'work in progress' cards and create something visual with them, even if it means sticking them all together onto a larger sheet of paper. I suggest they put that piece of paper somewhere that is visible to them every day, as a reminder of the direction in which they are wanting to make their choices that day, and every day. Even if they don't read the words, the cards still guide us like a beacon, when we reach a crossroad in our day.

In therapy, we are then always able to refer back to the client's values when motivation is lacking, or when poorer choices have been made in their day-to-day lives. Goals are always set and reset around the person's indiviudal values, and the beautiful thing is, that there is no right or wrong way to reflect on your own personal values set.

I hope this has been helpful and if you'd like to share your own experiences with using your values in your own life, or in your own clinics, we'd love to hear them.

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"Self-Absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.” Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence.

For many of us, our values are interlinked with our relationships – personal and professional. People who have a good support network feel confident and that confidence means they can cope better.

Relationships are not just about our family and friends, but can also include how we relate to our co-workers, and even strangers that we pass on the street, or the check-out person at Coles.

Studies have shown that social support is the highest predictor of happiness during times of stress.

The support a person receives is important but the support they provide to others is an even more important factor in sustained happiness and engagement. Treasure and prioritise those who sustain you and provide support to others where you can.

Here is a way to think about how you are currently fostering positive connections and, perhaps, where you can improve:

1. Pictured is a tree trunk. That trunk is you. You also have some branches. These are all the different connections or relationships you have in your life. Write these relationships on your branches. You might have the large branches as the main connections and the less frequent or important relationships will be on the smaller branches.

2. Next, you have the leaves. These are all the positive ways you keep these relationships healthy. Things like trust, spending time together, regular communication. Write these on the leaves.

3. Now we are going to think about the termites attacking those branches. What are some of the things that break down the connections between you and those people? Write them on the termite mounds.

4. Lastly, think about some of the termite disconnectors you have experienced, and write down something you could do to make the connection healthy again.

This is a simple exercise that can really show you where the important people in your life lie, and how well you are connecting with them. Are you prioritising them, or another? Are you making an effort to maintain these relationships? And what are some of the ways you have used to maintain, strengthen or repair these relationships?

Giving time and positive attention to our relationships (fostering our connections) is often one of the first casualties when life gets busy; and yet this is likely when we need those positive supports the most. Put the effort into your relationships now to foster them , even if you’re busy!

Thank you to The Psychology of It guest writer, Tasha Broomhall for another effective tool for our Coping Toolkits. Tasha is a regular contributor to our website. You can find her last piece, Listen Loudly here.

Recently, we put a call out to our The Psychology of It Village to contribute to our very own list of pleasant activities. This is what you made Village! 101 fabulous ideas to fill your cup on days when you need some self-care, self-compassion or some plain old inspiration. Share this one with your family and friends, print it out, stick it on the fridge, but most of all, let us know if you've found it useful.Taking ideas for the second edition now!

Have you ever told someone about a problem you are having, or shared about a difficult experience, and they jump in and tell you exactly what you should do to fix it?

Maybe they lecture you about how you should look for the good in the negativity? How does that make you feel? Unheard? Unimportant? Stupid? Because surely if it was as simple as clicking your fingers and applying their solution, or reframing it as they suggest, then you would’ve already figured that our yourself, right?

When a friend, colleague or loved one shares a problem with us, many of us jump in with solutions or look for silver linings.

Hearing someone’s bad news and seeing their reaction may feel distressing and uncomfortable. We want to reassure them. It’s tempting to want to make them feel better about the situation so we might try to rush them to a resolution; we want to tell them it’ll be ok; that this is an opportunity in disguise. This can risk the person not feeling heard; their reaction not being validated. In doing so, we risk disconnecting with them at a time they may need our support most. Before opportunities can be seen to arise out of a challenging situation, there are many emotions to be processed, possibly: grief, anxiety, panic, worry, distress.

To help support someone, instead of glossing over their emotional reaction or rushing them towards feeling positive, this simple four-step process can help us to communicate more effectively:

ACKNOWLEDGE

We need to acknowledge that their reaction (fear, sadness, rejection, etc.) is real for them. Acknowledge that their reaction is true and valid. Hear it. Don’t try to tell them they’re over-reacting or that it’s not that bad. You can’t control how someone else feels.

EMPATHISE

Express empathy for their feelings. Tell them you are sorry for their distress; or sorry they are sad; or that their shock must feel so unsettling.

EXPLORE OPTIONS

Allow the time for them to explore the options that suit them. Encourage them not to make rash decisions straight away but, some pragmatics might be worth considering. Some people will need support with the pragmatics of what to do immediately.

When they are ready to explore their options for moving forward, hold that space with them and discuss a range of possibilities. Consider the pros and cons of each option. If they are struggling to identify any for themselves, consider offering three options you can identify and see what, if anything, resonates for them.

PLAN FOR ACTION

When they are ready to test out some of the options, plan for action with them. They may or may not need your support with this. Engage as appropriate for the boundaries of your relationship, respecting their decisions.This approach is about being respectful and acknowledging the individual; allowing them to go through the emotions they are feeling and work through their options in their own time and way; offering support where you can.

Our goal is to connect with people and connect them with supports. When we listen to people our goal is to listen and validate that what they’re experiencing is real for them, and to do with them, not do to them.

Special thanks to guest writer, Tasha Broomhall from Blooming Minds: Mental Health and Wellbeing, for this succinct and useful article assisting us to be better listeners for our friends and loved ones. This is the first and hopefully not the last submission from Tasha for The Psychology of It.x

Tasha Broomhall has partnered with organisations and communities to develop cultures of positive mental health and wellbeing for the past 11 years. Tasha is the Director and lead facilitator for Blooming Minds, published author, keynote speaker and TEDxPerth presenter. She is currently completing a Masters of Science, Psychology.

Mental health is a serious topic but with almost half of us experiencing mental illness in our lifetime, it is a subject that we need to talk openly about in our homes, workplaces and communities. Tasha draws from her background in psychology, disability, psycho-social rehabilitation and business to talk about a serious topic in a relatable and often humorous way that connects with audiences.

Last week I received an email from one of my lovely clients - an urgent plea from a stressed out Year 12 student, overwhelmed by their workload. In a new move for me, I decided I'd send them therapy via email with the sole purpose of getting them through their next ten minutes! This is what I sent.

Step One: Breathe. Check out the video at the bottom of this article. (I actually said "email", but you know what I mean)

Step Two: Remember that you have gotten through way worse things than this. You've got this!

Step Three: Do the legs up the wall yoga pose and at the same time, voice record a list of things you need to do (which you'll later write into a list)

Step Four: Make a cup of tea and mindfully drink it while you write out your list.

Step Five: Prioritise your tasks from most to least important.

Step Six: Keep Breathing!

Image credit - favim.com

Step Seven: Schedule your tasks on a calendar beginning with the most important.

Step Eight: Be realistic about your expectations around how much time you can dedicate to each task.

Step Nine: Have another cup of tea and drink it mindfully.

Step Ten: Start with your very first SMART goal and focus ONLY on that.

Image credit - thestudyacademy.ca

Step Eleven: Repeat Step Ten one goal at a time, until your list is empty for the day. Remember to be realistic!

Step Twelve: Stand like Wonder Woman for 2 minutes with a pencil between your teeth. Just do it!

Image credit - hercampus.com

Have you got any tips for getting through the exam period that you'd like to share? Why not leave us a comment, we'd love to hear from you! Make sure you scroll to the very bottom to enjoy the breathing video.