Episodes

FIRE: man's bestest friend and most fearsome foe! Man has made fire his bitch for thousands of years now, using fire's foul breath to heat up SpaghettiOs. But UH OH sometimes fire reminds man who's the boss (spoiler alert: IT AM FIRE!). This week was one such an occasion, for fire done run amok all over the not-so-great state of Commiefornia! Normally we'd be psyched but said fire nipped at the heels of one of our very own! EGADS! Have no fear, pleb, W3 Thr33 Tr0lls is one the case! W3 Thr33...

In honor of our guest, Don Barris, the King of Late Night, W3 THR33 TR0LLS is late this week...and being posted at night...anyway, Don is a national treasure, he hosts many popular podcasts including The Big 3 and he’s also at the helm of The Ding Dong Show, the longest running show in the history of The Comedy Store! Did we also mention his movie Windy City Heat?? AND he’s the audience warmup for Jimmy Kimmel Live! Joining us 3 along with Don on this episode is the illustrious Mary Jane! We...

Bad evening, boils & ghouls, it’s your old FIEND, The Dungeon Master! UNwelcome to Tales from the Bratcave! Have I got a harrowing yarn for ewe today, kiddies! It’s the touching tale of a twisted talent coordinator at a crypt-like comedy club where everyone is just DYING to perform! Tommy Morris has seen thousands of HACKS in his time at The World Famous Comedy Store but he’s met his match with 3 wannabes with an appetite for anarchy! I call this tawdry groaner W3 THR33 TR0LLS!

Every day it's the same, you’re rousted awake by a security guard just before dawn, your shoes or filthy socks frequently stolen in the night while you fitfully dozed. This morning you awoke to discover your iPod was filched. Damn. Now you have to make your own entertainment as you go about your daily routine: collecting enough recycling & panhandling earnings to procure 3 bottles of Mad Dog 20/20. With no iPod to soothe you, you are forced to reenact your favorite bits from W3 Thr33 Tr0lls...

Every day it's the same, you & your girlfriend stride hand-in-hand through a godless, crumbling world! Thank goodness you have your girlfriend, otherwise you’d be lost...she’s the lone shining light in a world of darkness. All day you dream about starting a family with your girlfriend, all day you fantasize about raising good, beautiful children with your good, beautiful girlfriend! You haven’t told her this but you’ve been saving up, you’ve socked thousands of dollars away...soon you’ll...

Every day it’s the same: You diligently scan the Internet for hours at a time, endlessly searching for something new to be outraged about. There is no end to your outrage and you need new targets. Then you stumble upon W3 Thr33 Tr0lls…jackpot!!! This podcast is so foul you’ll have disgust-fuel for generations to come! Every episode is packed tight with hate speech: they drop the f-word like the U.S.A. drops H bombs! They mock Christian, Jew and Muslim alike! They shit on liberals AND...

Every day it's the same: You reign supreme as the literary world’s conspiracy king! Your latest tome, O.J. Simpson: An Appreciation, has been ranked 12,3500th on Amazon and you’re ECSTATIC. In the book you put forth the controversial theory that Kato was the killer and you’ve caught the eye of one Sam Tripoli: he wants to book you as a guest on his podcast, Tinfoil Hat. You pack a suitcase for the weekend and drive out to the address Sam gave you…the address leads you to a boarded-up...

Every day it's the same: an endless barrage of loneliness, tedium and dreary boredom. Another friendless summer comes to a close and junior year begins. You swear to yourself this school year will be different, this will be the year you break out of your shell. All summer long your worked on the new you: you lifted weights in the basement every day, you immersed yourself in the manosphere each night, you listened to W3 Thr33 Tr0lls in-between and crafted a dynamite new persona for yourself....

Every day it's the same, you studiously study the same 3 books: the Bible, the Talmud and the Quran. You look through these books religiously, pun very much intended. You read them in an effort to decipher which religion is the TRUE religion, which of the big 3 is the real deal…you read until you go blind and then you listen to each book on tape until you are deaf. On your deathbed you convert to christianity, certain it is the one true faith. In hell you discover you were wrong. As you...

Every day it's the same, you clock in at the grocery store, bust your hump for 3 hours, get drunk in the parking lot with the bums on your break, work 3 more hours, snort coke in the men’s room, work 3 more hours, clock out. 23 years ago you were the lead singer in the 2nd tier grunge band Stump. 23 years ago you played The Reading Festival with your drinking buddies Candlebox. 23 years ago you were poised to be a rock god, 23 years later you’re a worker bee on the lowest possible rung. On...

Every day it's the same but not today because today you’re roast-battling Big Earl Skakel! Ok, sure, you’ve only been doing comedy for 3 months and Earl’s been grinding for more than twenty years but so what? You’ve cock-teased some of the best open micers in the scene &, in turn, they’ve written some of the most vicious jokes at Earl’s expense for you; your victory is certain & your reward will be the undying adulation of your comedy peers & a shot at television stardom. Not too shabby....

Every day it's the same but not today because today is moving day! That’s right, the big day is finally here, the big day you move to The Big Apple; today you are moving to New York City! Finally you get to brush off the dust of your 1-horse town! Finally you get to go to art school! You rush up the stairs of your dorm to meet your new roommate. What will she be like? Will you be best friends?! You burst through the door of your dorm room to find your roommate’s corpse hanging from a light...

Every day it's the same: You march 3 miles closer to the grave, all alone as you feel your way through the darkness... Your parents don't understand you. Your teachers think you are a lost cause. Your preacher turns his back to you when you ask for his help. And your friends? What friends? You envy the West Memphis 3 because even though they spent decades in prison AT LEAST THEY HAD FRIENDS!!! Your only "friend" is your iPod. Your friend the iPod only has 34 episodes of a single podcast on...

Every day it’s the same except today because today is your birthday! You’re 33 years old today. Jesus was 33 when they crucified him, how much longer until they crucify YOU...? You procure from your overalls the pocket knife your father gave you when you were 13. It’s the only thing your father gave you, besides a predisposition for blood cancer. You admire the blade for a moment. You bring the blade to your thigh & start slicing. You slice off a strip of flesh for every year you’ve been...

It’s hot, feels like a sneak preview of hell. It’s so hot old people are dying from the heat. The sun beats down like a billy club. No relief in sight. No relief to be found anywhere, as every oasis has been burned to the ground. The murder rate goes up during the summer months because it’s so hot; this summer will be no different. You’ll have plenty of work to do before Fall saves us all. You hide in the freezer during your lunch. Your coworkers at the morgue call you a freak for that but...

The wind howls, shaking the trees. The sky blackens like an all too ripened banana. Your face is momentarily illuminated by a bolt of lightning as it slashes the sky. It is Wednesday, hump day, your favorite day, for Wednesday is the day new episodes of W3 Thr33 Tr0lls are put online. You sit at your computer, refreshing iTunes over and over…thunder cracks the summer night like a whip as the lightning illuminates your face once again, revealing a single tear as it races down your pimpled...

You’re 15 and you hate EVERYTHING. Every day it’s the same: go to school where everyone hates you then go to work where everyone hates you then go home where everyone hates you too. You are a kissless virgin in a world full of Chads. Your only friend is 4chan (8chan is too edgy for you). You use 4chan as a substitute for a personality. You use all their catchphrases as your own and anyone who doesn’t like it can BTFO and kys. You jump on the Trump Train, choo choo! Pepe speaks to your soul;...

You’re the king of the campus! At your high school you are a god: girls want to fuck you and, tbh, you’re so fucking hot the other boys want to fuck you too! Your dad does something in banking; you’re set for life. Nothing bad or sinister could possibly happen to you in any way in this story. You bully the weaker students because FUCK THEM, they’re weak. If they have a problem with it, they can take up with God, it’s His will after all. You like to pick on one spazz in particular; he always...

Summer’s here! The days have gotten longer, the skirts have gotten shorter and it seems as if an ice cream truck’s song can perpetually be heard no matter which way you turn. Street carnivals are popping up everywhere and the beaches are overcrowded with frolicking families. But not your family...your family forgot you existed ages ago. This summer will be just like last summer, just you alone in your mother’s basement with your hobbies, your comic books, your junk food, your childhood...

Every day it’s the same except today because today is July 4th! Lady Liberty’s b-day! The old gal don’t look a day over 30! And you’re ready to celebrate Lady Lib’s birthday in style, for just last night you took a ride out past the county line to procure yourself an assortment of fireworks. You got firecrackers, black cats, bobcats, zipperheads, wailing wheels, poppers, felchers, sparklers and, your favorite, roman candles. You light the first Roman candle from a safe distance…it doesn’t...