The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Will Rogers

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Dave Barry

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Mignon McLaughlin

I tell you this, and I tell you plain:

What you have done, you will do again;

You will bite your tongue, careful or not,

Upon the already-bitten spot.

Bob Monkhouse

Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Yiddish Proverb

Life is like an onion. Why is life like an onion? Because you peel away layer after layer and when you come to the end you have nothing.

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop’s owner took the stand to give his evidence.

She had identified him immediately as the robber, when Bartle jumped up and yelled, ‘You’re lying! I should have blown your head off!’ He paused, then added, ‘If I had been the one that was there.’

The jury found him guilty and Jerry Bartle was sentenced to thirty years imprisonment.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from??? ‘Spandex…It’s a privelege not a right!’

Answer: Hackers! You just gotta love a movie where the character names are ones like: Zero Cool, Acid Burn, Crash Override, Cereal Killer, Phantom Freak, Lord Nikon, and The Plague. The quote was said at Burn’s party.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this