Teenagers in Protest over Delinquent Shopkeepers

A group of teenagers made a fresh appeal to ministers yesterday for something to be done about the growing number of shopkeepers who congregate outside youth clubs throughout the country. “They are making our lives hell”, claimed Jaydon Wilkes, 15, as he presented a petition containing over 10,000 signatures to officials at Downing St. “All they do is hang around outside our clubs, and when we arrive or leave they shout their special offers at us. The other day one of them got really aggressive when I told him I didn't want to buy any out-of-date crisps, however much he reduced the price. It's getting so we're scared to go out alone.”

These sentiments were echoed by another youngster at the protest, Beckham Johnson, also 15. “They just don't seem to have any respect for their youngers. Once, one of them came into our club whilst me and my mates were playing pool, and just grabbed one of the pool balls before running away. He left £1.20 on the side of the table, then when we left he was taunting us that he was going to sell it for £2.00”.

One of the shopkeepers, Malcolm “Malky” Milton, who asked to remain anonymous, explained their reasons for terrorising the teenagers. “Its the supermarkets, innit?” he said, They take our business away and then there's, like, nowhere else for us to go buyin' and sellin' an' stuff. What we s'posed to do?” he asked. “Ain't our fault them teenagers don't like us, we ain't doing them any harm or nothing.” he continued, before trying to selling us 24 bottles of blue pop for a pound.