12 stupid dating tactics you shouldn’t employ

1. Taking no care in your appearance

Of course you want to be loved on the inside, for who you truly are. But that doesn’t make it OK to turn up to a date looking like a scruffbag. After all, your outer appearance suggests a lot about the kind of person you are inside too.

2. Not taking responsibility

It’s very easy to blame your exes for why your past relationships went wrong but, as they say, it takes two to tango. If you don’t admit your part and grow emotionally you’ll make the same mistakes time and time again in any new relationships.

3. Subscribing to gender clichés

All men are players and all women just want to have everything paid for and be treated like a princess, right? Wrong. There’s nothing less attractive than a date with a chip on their shoulder about how the opposite sex supposedly act – drop the stereotyping.

4. Dismissing certain groups of people

Maybe you dated a dentist once and she was always just too busy to see you. Or perhaps you went out with a teacher who only ever wanted to talk about work. That’s unfortunate, but it doesn’t mean that you should never go out with a teacher or a dentist ever again. Everybody’s different; give every prospective date a fair chance.

5. Acting needy and desperate

You might not think you act needy when dating, but think about it. How available do you make yourself for a date you’re interested in? If the answer is ‘very’ then you might be sending out the wrong signals. Like it or not, your date may well draw conclusions from the amount of time you seem to have spare. After all, who wants to go out with someone who seems to sit around waiting for other people to entertain them?

6. Deciding you know who your ‘perfect’ person is

If you have a huge list of qualities you’re looking for in your ‘perfect’ mate then you’re going to be looking for a long time. No one is perfect, and if your list is longer than 10 Must Haves and Can’t Stands (wonder where we got that idea from!) then you’ll never find anyone good enough.

7. Waiting for love to come to you

We’ll never understand people who complain they never meet anyone, yet seem to spend all their time on the sofa, waiting for love to knock on the door. It’s out there, you have to take charge!

8. Dating out of your league

Harsh but fair. Most of us have an idea of the kind of person we can attract, but some people are completely oblivious. The 65-year-old man who only wants women 35 and under may be sorely disappointed in his search, and will probably suffer a lot of rejection.

9. Ignoring what your dates say

If your date says “I never want to get married” but you know that you do, do you:

a) Say ‘Well, it was nice meeting you, have a nice life’

or

b) Think ‘I’m sure I’ll be able to change his/her mind once we get together’

If your answer is b) then you’re ignoring a red flag, and employing a terrible dating tactic.

10. Being too ‘honest’

Honesty is really important. Without it, there would be no trust. But, sometimes it pays not to say anything at all, if you don’t have anything nice to say. If your date takes you to a restaurant and you hate the food, it’s not acceptable to verbally trash the place. Overtime, this brand of ‘honesty’ becomes very unattractive.

11. Never compromising

As you’ve probably read over and over, compromise is essential in any relationship; no one can have their way 100% of the time. That means compromising over things that matter to you too, not just on issues you couldn’t care less about. People who don’t compromise, even in the early stages of a relationship, probably aren’t ready for a serious commitment.

12. Criticise, criticise, criticise

Some people think that because they’ve been dating someone for a while this gives them the right to be hyper-critical of the other person. It’s true that as you draw closer to someone, you develop an openness and trust that means you can tell each other things you wouldn’t say to other people. But this doesn’t stretch to saying, ‘Not to be rude darling, but that shirt makes you look fat.’