Savoring Each and Every Stage

Bump Squad mama Courtney on the gift of surprise with her last pregnancy.

"Does this peanut butter taste fishy to you?" I asked my husband. His immediate response was, "You can't say that - that's something a pregnant woman would say!" I had a good laugh, and said, "No really, does it taste like fish?" He tasted the peanut butter and assured me the only thing it tasted like was peanut butter. In my head I thought there was no way I could be pregnant after only one time of trying, not to mention I was only about a week post expected ovulation. Nonetheless, the seed had been planted in my head and I began to think over the other odd symptoms I had been experiencing.

For example, I was craving lettuce wraps in the worst way around that time. I mean, don't get me wrong - lettuce wraps are delicious - but nothing I've ever just HAD to have. As the week carried on, I began noticing how incredibly cranky I was on top of feeling extremely fatigued. I had chalked it up to my upcoming menstrual cycle, even though those weren't my typical symptoms. However, the thought that I could be pregnant became mind consuming. I began checking my cervix, as I learned that it changes throughout our cycle. The app I was using to track my cervical position indicated that if my cervix remained high, soft, and closed it could be a sign of pregnancy. But wait - those were my exact findings…so did that, in fact, mean I was pregnant?! It was too early to take a home pregnancy test, so I figured I could have some fun doing little DIY pregnancy tests in the meantime. Let me be the first to say, I really should have looked into these DIY tests before actually performing them, especially the bleach and urine test (this test can be extremely dangerous due to harmful gases released). My results from this test did, however, indicate a "positive" result.

Now for the hard part…the waiting. I've never been good at waiting, especially after my struggles with secondary infertility about 4 years ago. I decided to purchase a 24-pack of HCG test strips from Amazon so I could test my urine daily, guilt-free, until my expected period date. Day after day, the tests were coming up negative, but I wasn't discouraged as it was still pretty early to be testing.

As morning peeked through on Valentine's Day, I shuffled to the bathroom to test my first pee of the day. I set the completed test strip down on the counter, came back to it a few minutes later, and to my complete and utter surprise - it was positive! I quickly tested my urine again to confirm and received the same results. I couldn't help but laugh to myself while thinking, "My husband was going to kill me…haha!" He had just finally agreed, the month prior, on trying for one last baby. We weren't going to start actively trying till May of this year because we were hoping to keep from doubling up our children's birth months - all Winter babies. However, we had said that we wouldn't prevent in January as that would result in an October baby, but never fathomed that we'd actually conceive.

I brought the positive tests to my husband to share the news. He was a bit skeptical of the results, and perhaps in a bit of denial that his swimmers completed their mission on the first attempt. He jokingly requested proof via a digital pregnancy test. We spent most of that day saying, "I can't believe it!", "Seriously?", "Is this real life?", along with other remarks of being surprised with our good news. While we were over the moon excited, we were also reminded of the baby we miscarried a couple years earlier, and just how fragile this stage of pregnancy was.

This being my second pregnancy since my miscarriage, I find that these early weeks are filled with a lot of anxiety and worry. It's a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. For some reason, I am even more anxious during this pregnancy than the last; I keep fearing that something will go wrong. But the wise words of my OBGYN have been my mantra over these last 12 weeks, "Worrying doesn't change the outcome." I am really looking forward to savoring each and every stage of my last pregnancy - incorporating prenatal yoga to help with any stress and anxiety along the way, and even embracing the bouts of nausea and headaches as much as I can - because of the amazing blessing I receive at the end more than makes it all worth it. Here's to a happy and healthy pregnancy!