Not responsible for what happens to you if you fail to answer correctly

21st February 2011

. . .one does not set out to destroy evil, for the very thought of
doing so engenders cognition and action which immediately disempowers
the defendant. . . . Victory over the worst evil or tyranny
(especially that of a spiritual kind) occurs when the defendant is so
inherently strong that the challenger, for all his guile and might,
cannot operate or insinuate. When your enemy cannot conquer you, you
have won. This is the meta-lesson that under-girds the karmic tests
besetting the human inhabitants of planet Earth.  Michael Tsarion

John Good evening ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and other assorted
and contorted genders. Welcome to tonight’s episode of The Big
Question, in which our contestants pit their lifelong knowledge of how
the world really works against their ability to stay alive in an
environment cleverly configured to kill them at the merest hint of one
incorrect answer. However great the risk might be, our courageous
contestants, if their answers are right, get to live the life of their
dreams with an authentic chance to acquire everything they ever
wanted.

Let’s meet our contestants, shall we? First, there’s Rick, a computer
programmer from Cheesequake, New Jersey; second is Conchita, an herbal
healer from Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, and lastly, welcome
please Reverend Tom, manager of an evangelical amusement park in
Antlers, Oklahoma.

Our game is played as follows. We will have three rounds of questions
to each of our three contestants.

First question: we’ll start with Rick. Rick, here is your question.

What famous American family possesses the only personal connection to
two notorious families whose misdeeds are known throughout the world?
The two notorious families are the Bin Laden family, who spawned the
arch terrorist Osama bin Laden, blamed for blowing up buildings in New
York, and the Hinckley family, who gave us John Hinckley, would be
assassin of former U.S. President Ronald Reagan.

In fact, these notorious families were so close they were together
during significant personal tragedies for each of these two families.
The bin Laden family lost one of their 13 sons in an accident at the
home of the family we’re trying to name, and the father of John
Hinckley was actually having dinner with a member of the mystery
family the same evening his son’s assassination attempt in Washington
failed.

Now it’s time to answer the question. Rick, what answer did you write?
“The Bush family.” Conchita? “Bush.” Rev. Tom? “Um, I think it all
got started under the Clintons.”

Very good, panelists. Now onto the second question.

What very accurate but suppressed writer now experiencing a revival
thanks to patriots on the Internet wrote the following passage:

“The saddest thing I ever saw was supposedly pious and intelligent
people arguing vehemently over the genealogies of Mesopotamian
villages as they existed three thousand years ago, and expecting the
outcome of these heated debates to determine the course of action they
were taking three thousand years later. Some of them called it
‘following God’s holy laws.’ The legendary figure Abraham invented the
system of compound interest way back in Sumerian times, and the curse
of this fast buck operation has lasted all this time to the point
where the world is hopelessly polluted by it, and the people in this
world have invented a religious smokescreen to hide the ugliness of
the practice, which they endorse wholeheartedly, even though it is
killing them and their planet as well.”

Very good, panel. Now onto our third and final question, which will
determine who lives and who gets to soldier on with an attitudinal
quid pro quo that will make them think they’re in paradise when in
actuality they’re in a grubby, rancid suburb of New York City.

“Why is it no one on this planet has ever been able to imagine that
they will not be around, if not here then somewhere, forever, and that
it is impossible to live this life without imagining that this is so?
Why can’t we confront the fact that after we die we will not exist
anywhere except in the hearts of the friends we left behind and the
ideas we have manufactured into existence?”

Rick, what’s your answer?

“We have to have something to look forward to, in all instances.
Otherwise, what’s the point of going on? There has to be a light at
the end of this tunnel. If there isn’t, what’s the point of going on
if it’s just going to be this darkness, with no meaning and perpetual
drug use from cradle to grave?”

Conchita?

“We can’t just be. We have to have a reason for being, so we invent a
reward for our travails, to justify our existence, and palliate our
inchoate guilt over being here in the first place. But I think there’s
a great secret awaiting us. You’ve already told us about the music. We
have no clue about this infinite velvet that will one day enfold us.
After all, the universe is a womb.”

And lastly, Rev. Tom.

“God put us here to be his children, and He rewards us for being good
by eternal safety in the paradise of His creation. And check out what
our faithful followers are doing — and the PayPal button — on our
Mystic Antlers website.”

Very good, panel. Our judges have ruled that all of your answers have
all been correct (Tom, you owe us two fingers and a pound of flesh for
the PayPal ad), and therefore all of you will now continue on with a
bonafide chance at living the life of your dreams.

We want to thank you all for playing, as well as all those following
along at home. Tune in to next week’s episode of The Big Question —
our special Skeletons in the Closet edition — when our guests will be
the ghosts of Paul Wellstone, Matt Simmons, and John O’Neill, whose
thoughts will be channeled for us by trance mediums provided by Fox
News.

Until then, all you fans of The Big Question keep your attitudes
hopeful and your gun by your side, and always remember, on the day
that you can’t answer The Big Question, you’ll know the game is over.
Good night.

Kaminski is a writer who lives on the Gulf Coast of Florida,
urging people to understand that no problem in the world can be
authentically addressed without first analyzing tangents caused by
Jewish perfidy, which has subverted and diminished every aspect of
human endeavor throughout history. Support for his work is wholly
derived from people who can understand what he’s saying and know what
it means.