Sonic Should be Canceled: 2 Games that Would Make Better Movie Adaptations

Fair warning, I’m mainly just going to rant about the uselessness of this movie.

Why? Just why? Why does everything need to be adapted into a 100 million-dollar movie? Is it not possible that the medium that something was created for is the perfect and only good way to do it? I’m probably being a bit overzealous. Comic books have been adapted well into movies. Novels and other literature become Academy Award winning masterpieces every year. But I really have to ask, do we need a Sonic the Hedgehog movie?

Full disclosure, I’m not a huge Sonic fan. I’ve played two or three games total and I just didn’t enjoy it. A blue hedgehog runs around really fast picking up coins? The villain is a balding fat Dr. Wiley rip-off? Sonic has a bizarre clone who is edgy and uses guns? Sonic can go Super Saiyan like Dragonball’s Goku? What are we even doing?

Look, the last thing I want to do is anger fans of Sonic the Hedgehog. But please, allow me to at least plead my case about this movie. Within the last few weeks, fan reactions online have forced a nearly four-month delay (currently February 14th, 2020) of the film. The shockwave of anger from fans and viewers has to do with the terrible design that has been shown on YouTube in the first trailer.

Image from https://www.cnbc.com/2019/05/24/sonic-the-hedgehog-movie-release-pushed-to-february-2020.html

I agree with the critics. This design is terrible. It’s borderline disturbing for some reason that my brain can’t quite process. A lot of people have been touting the newfound power of audiences with voices that can be heard on social media (Twitter especially). This is a phenomenon I covered with the online push on Insomniac to add the Raimi suit to Spider-Man PS4.And, while it’s great to see giant studios like Paramount Pictures actually listen to ticket buyers, this felt like a lost cause from the beginning.

The movie is going to be bad. That’s it. It’s just true. No amount of CGI fixes or Jim Carrey punchlines is going to make Sonic the Hedgehog a good movie. The plot looks to be a buddy cop movie between James Marsden and a little CGI creature. Wow, I can’t wait to see all the wacky and zany adventures they’re going to have! Ugh.

I’m sounding like a downer, I know. So, why don’t I look to take a more positive note and talk about video games that I feel would be better as big budget films or television shows.

1. Alan Wake:

Boy do I love this game. Alan Wake features the titular hero who is a struggling writer pushed by his wife and agent to take some time off in a small town called Bright Falls to try and clear his head. He and his wife Alice go and are hopeful that they’ll have a nice and quiet vacation. What proceeds is an exciting mystery thriller that sees axe murderers, poltergeists, and moonshine hallucinations all collide. This would be awesome as a Netflix program (what with its built-in television aesthetic) that would feature a compelling story with twists and turns for fans of action, horror, and even comedy. I recommend trying to get Jake Gyllennhaal as the lead. He looks so similar to the live action model used for the characters design.

Image from https://store.steampowered.com/app/108710/Alan_Wake/

2. God of War:

I mean, this one is a lay-up. Imagine the Greek Pantheon set in a superhero style Ancient Greece, with tons of violence, gore, and sex. Imagine how breathtaking a live action Kratos battling a mountain sized Cronos would be on IMAX screens. Greek Mythology does mega bucks in theaters already and this series has a strongly established fanbase that will be there day one (myself included). The fourth entry won Game of the Year and has brought the tragedy of Kratos to a new generation of gamers. He has even been humanized more and would make for a truly deep performance if a talented actor was chosen.

Image from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_of_War_(2005_video_game)

I don’t know. I’m just looking for decent content in movies at the end of the day. There are detailed narrative stories in so many games that are more deserving than Sonic. But hey, I guess we can just watch a blue abomination run around real fast instead.