Pages

10 Oct 2014

Happy FDW, happy home

Content page - All topicsNew maid capable of doing ....FDW Source country - PhilippinesMaids (FDW) in SingaporeMaids (FDWs) finding LOVE in SporeActivist - fighters for migrant workersMany are engrossed in giving suggestions about how to become a good employer. Nobody/activists are not interested to educate and show FDWs the ways to become our good helpers. Many employers are not demanding, do care and didn't overwork our FDWs but some bad sheeps simply cause our good image to tarnish.Nowadays, we hear FDWs' employer pouring their woes, high agency fee yet poor maid quality, etc. We seldom hear FDWs' employer praise their FDWs or even share what the FDW did that really touched them to the core. It is getting more and more common to hear about unappreciative FDWs. Activists are making FDWs behaving like hungry predators.... brainwashing FDWs those are the ways to protect and uphold their "basic rights as a human being". What we've given them, FDWs felt they deserve by law. It didn't cross their mind, what we've provided is much more than what they could get in their home country.Below points, I agree with some of them. Example 1, I don't agree "make sure her basic needs are met - that she has a clean and comfortable room"By law, we don't need to provide a comfortable room. Most employers live in HDB so by offering FDW a comfortable room, do you mean we or our children should sleep in the living room if we're short of room? Can't FDW share a clean room?Example 2, "spends too much time on her chores and doesn't work effectively"You've shown your FDW how to work productively and the way that is best suited for your house but FDW simply doesn't want to follow. She spent too much time because she self-programmed to work slowly and thus, eat up her rest time.

Helper Hitch #1
She has difficulty settling into your household and can't get along with some family members. Your helper may be having trouble assimilating into a new culture. So make sure her basic needs are met - that she has a clean and comfortable room, and enough food, since she may not be used to the kind of food your family eats.

She may also be missing her loved ones back home, so if you sense that she feels unsettled, have a chat with her - assure her that you care about her and that she's part of the family.

Remind her that her sacrifices are worth it, and let her speak to her immediate family regularly so she feels connected to them. Getting along with everyone at home may be trickier.

With different personalities and expectations, it's not unusual for tensions to arise.

Get your helper's perspective on the situation, then suggest ways to deal with it, either by getting her to adjust her attitude or to understand what others in the family are like. Next, have a talk with the family member who's not getting along with your helper.

Emphasise the importance of harmony and compromise since you're all living under the same roof.

Helper Hitch #2
She spends too much time on her chores and doesn't work effectively.

This could be due to differing expectations: your maid may think she's doing her best, but you think otherwise because you can do it faster or your last helper was more productive.

You shouldn't compare your current helper to your previous one - it will only breed resentment and cause her to feel inadequate. Instead, go through her daily routine with her and find out how she does her chores.

Tell her how she can do things more efficiently. Never give her more than she can do. Start with a few simple tasks and build them up when you're confident that she can manage.

Don't forget to praise her when she's done something well. This will increase her confidence, and in turn, enhance her work performance.

Helper Hitch #3
Your helper looks after your children and your elderly parents, on top of doing the household chores.

She may take her frustration out on the kids or your folks, or not make them a priority.

If she has been slack in taking care of the kids or helping your parents at home, understand that her behaviour is likely due to the frustration she feels about her daily routine - she might be overwhelmed and stressed.

Talk to her and see where you can make things more manageable for her. If she takes it out on your family verbally or physically, bring in the agency to help resolve the issue. Abuse of any kind should not be tolerated.

If the problem can't be resolved and she returns to her old ways, consider getting a new helper.

Helper Hitch #4

She doesn't follow some instructions - she usually does only 80 per cent of what you tell her to.

Be clear with your instructions and make sure she understands what you expect of her. For instance, telling her to "clean the room" is very vague. How do you want her to clean the room? Which parts do you want cleaned?

You may also want to break down her chores into smaller and more manageable tasks, and ask her to write down your instructions so she doesn't forget them.

When she's finished, give her positive as well as constructive feedback so she does a better job next time.

Helper Hitch #5
Your helper has habits that bother you and the family. For example, she has poor personal hygiene, swears under her breath or has bad table manners.

If any of your family members behave in similar ways, tell them you will not tolerate their bad habits. Hopefully, your helper will understand that she also needs to improve.

If you wish to be more direct, speak to her one-to-one. Tell her what you've observed - that she chews with her mouth open or has poor personal hygiene - and politely request some changes. For example, say "I would like you to make sure that you shower at least once a day, and immediately after doing outdoor work".

Be mindful of your tone and avoid accusatory statements like "You're so smelly" or "You're so rude".

Helper Hitch #6
Your helper tries to get too chummy with you and your visitors and is nosy about what goes on in the household. It's up to you to set the boundaries.

If your maid feels like she's part of the family, she'll take an interest in what goes on in the house. So sit her down and make it clear that she must respect the family's personal issues.

But before speaking to her, check that you haven't been involving her in your personal problems - that is, sharing private information with her or asking for her help with these matters.

If you have, you may be partly responsible for her behaviour. Calmly explain to her the concept and importance of boundaries.

Bring in examples, such as: "I was happy to see you taking good care of our visitors today.

But next time, after serving them drinks, leave them in the living room so that I can talk to them" or "Thanks for asking about that argument I had with my mum. It's just a normal squabble.

Helper Hitch #7
She doesn't reveal much about herself. How do you befriend her while maintaining those professional boundaries?

It takes time to form a sincere and trusting friendship. Start by asking questions about her life, family and home country. You may wish to share some of your stories too.

Involve her in outings with the family where she doesn't have to work (like a walk in the park), celebrate her birthday, occasionally buy gifts for her kids to show you care, and communicate with her even if it has nothing to do with her chores.

Once she sees that you value her as a person, she'll be more likely to open up and have greater respect for you.

If you're afraid to befriend her for fear of losing your authority, just remember that if there is respect, no authority is needed - because there'll be an unspoken understanding between you.

Helper Hitch #8
She can't focus on her work because she's had bad news from home (like a natural disaster or a death in the family) or has marital or financial difficulties.

Put yourself in her shoes. Understand that she needs to heal or grieve, and give her the time and space to do so. She may be feeling helpless, hopeless, guilty, panicked, lost, stressed or confused. These emotions can take up a lot of physical and mental energy. Offer a listening ear.

Show her that you are genuinely concerned about what she's going through, and see how you can help - financially or otherwise. If she's still affected months later, try signing her up for a professional counselling session.

Helper Hitch #9
She doesn't speak up when something goes wrong, for fear of being scolded.

Let your helper know that she can go to you even if she's made a mistake - like accidentally breaking something in the house, or if your child or elderly parent fell and hurt themselves while she was looking after them.

Reassure her that you will not send her back or complain to her agency, and explain why it's important to keep you informed. When she does open up to you about a problem, notice how you react.

Do you fly off the handle or hurl accusations? Do you make her feel bad that she's coming to you with a problem? If that is how you act, then it's only natural that she wouldn't want to speak up.

Focus instead on how she can avoid making similar mistakes in the future.

Helper Hitch #10
She doesn't take the initiative. She always waits for your instructions, even for the simplest tasks.

Your maid may not feel empowered because her agency told her to do only as she's told, or her previous employer didn't like it when she took the initiative.

If you'd like her to be more proactive, tell her. You can ask for her opinion on how to do certain things. For example, say: "I would like you to reorganise the store room today. Can you think of the best way to get everything neat and tidy?"

Make her feel that she is capable of performing those tasks. When she does them, praise her efforts.