Four tradesmen of the apocalypse

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‘We’re cheating on our builders with other builders. It’s like a torrid French novel’

We’ve got the builders in and, as ever, they’re making me fret about how I’d
cope after the apocalypse. You know the drill.

No, that’s not a pun. But you do. Me, I’m not one for saying, “Oh, you know,
make the front look better,” and leaving it at that. No, I have to say,
“Well, I looked into this, and it seems to me that you want to
laterally insert HeliBars at 30cm intervals.” And then what happens? Is it…

a) “Just what I thought. Indeed, the half-arsed googling you did on your
iPhone makes me wonder why I