So I like to listen to music at work; more specifically I have no filter with regards to what songs I listen to. In fact the more inappropriate the better. I dunno, I just seem to get a kick out it. It may look like I’m building a spreadsheet on the outside but actually I’m having a private party in my head screaming SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS.

This occasionally has adverse consequences. For example a few days ago someone approached me at my desk and I hastily took off my headphones but didn’t have time to mute. Unfortunately that was the exact moment Nicki Minaj ‘Only’ started to play. If you’re not familiar with the opening lines, let me enlighten you *ahem*

Yo

I never f*cked Wayne

I never f*cked Drake

All my life man – f*cks sake

If I did I’d ménage with them

And let them eat my a** like a cupcake

These are some inspired lyrics but probably not something I’d want my colleague to hear. I’m privately optimistic that he’s deaf.

These people have to be physically dragged onto the dancefloor but once they get there, they’re busting out moves you’ve never seen before and they’re bruk-bruk-brukking it down like no tomorrow.

The Girls Standing in a Circle doing ‘Tali’

You know what I mean. Shuffle around and do the customary clap in front of you and behind your shoulder. Basically the brown version of ring a ring a roses.

The Bhangra Champions

I swear at every party, there’s a duo of Punjabi guys hitting such fierce moves that it makes your thighs hurt just watching them. Balle balle my friends.

The Uncle

Towards the end of the night, Coca Cola and/or alcohol lead to over confident uncles dancing the dances from three decades ago. I’m talking moonwalk, night fever, the standing-on-your-toes Jackson style and randomness.

Luna Lovegood

That one person in the corner who’s just doing their own thang oblivious to everyone else.

The one that wants to dance but isn’t allowed to

Sometimes people are forced to contain their enthusiasm in case they dishonour the family name with booty shaking. Doesn’t stop them trying though.

The kids

Their dancing basically consists of jumping up and down with their arms in the air.

The Non-Indian People

Usually looking mildly uncomfortable and attempting to do the one hand on hip, other hand doing the lightbulb. They start getting really excited when a Western song comes on, only to realise it’s a Bhangra remix. Sorry guys.

The bride and groom

Ahh the awkward First dance. Here several things are observed. The couple maintain a safe distance apart. His hands are super glued to her side, no wandering allowed! And of course the mandatory sway/ shuffle. All the while the aunties look on tutting.

So with my final exam tomorrow morning, what am I doing? Writing this post of course. Huzzah for procrastination!

Actually I wanted to share this story.

My cousin had some PE test involving semi long distance running and like me she hates running. Unlike me however, she cared enough to practice and got her older brother to help her. I don’t know how he did it but he made her run laps and it turns out she’s pretty good when there’s someone barking at her. She lamented that for the actual run he wouldn’t be there… and he said well why not? I’ll come.

So her 24 year old brother strolled into her secondary school and just joined the line up of people running. Clearly her school has some security issues. He ran with her, shouting at her the entire time, AMINAH RUN! AMINAH HURRY UP! AMINAH WHY ARE YOU SO SLOW?