Dear Ms. Behaved: Jonna Ivin Answers It For You

The big question is how do you manage to live life more cautiously and with eyes wide open without hardening your heart too much or missing out on adventures?

Signed, IvyLos Angeles, CA

Dear Ivy,

Regardless of all the dumb decisions and bad choices I’ve made in my life, I will never harden my heart or live cautiously especially when it comes to love or following my dreams. Living cautiously means living in fear, and that is not living at all. Does this mean I advise blowing all the rent money on a three day bender in Vegas? No, of course not. There is still the issue of personal responsibility.

My point is this, always be open to trying new things, having adventures and taking risks. Playing small in this life only hurts you. We get one shot at this wonderful experience of living; make it count.

Dear Ms. Behaved,

I am a 24 year old woman who is terribly confused. I have two men in my life, and I can’t decide which one to pick. “David” is really sweet, caring, and funny – the good guy. Then there is “Jesse” – the bad boy – it makes me question everything, like honesty and loyalty. He just keeps me wanting more! Help me!

Signed, Confused

Dear Confused,

My gut feeling is David, the good guy, probably thinks you are in a committed relationship and “Jesse” the bad boy really doesn’t care as long as he’s getting laid. Now anyone with common sense would tell you to dump that bad boy and settle down with good ol’ David. I’m not going to do that because it would be just that, settling. I think David deserves a woman in his life that is excited and thrilled to be with him. This woman in not you, so let him go and give him the chance to find her.

As for Jesse, sometimes we just have to let these relationships play out. Maybe you will end up with him and maybe you won’t, but as long as he has a grip on your heart, no other guy stands a chance. You don’t say that Jesse is abusive in any way, but watch those red flags of honesty and loyalty. When you tire of his antics, which no doubt you will, take some time to figure out why you were willing to put up with them in the first place. Eventually, you will find the right man who is good guy and also gets your heart pounding.

Dear Ms. Behaved,

I was going to send a question but then I thought, “What qualifies you to write an advice column?”

Signed, Skeptical in Seattle

Dear Skeptical,

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I have no special qualifications whatsoever. I’m just a woman who has made a lot of mistakes in her life so you don’t have to. Here is what I’ll say about asking for advice in general, we do it because we intuitively know the answer and we are just looking for someone else to confirm it for us. This is why we talk to friends, co-workers or even our hairdresser about our personal trials and tribulations.

If what they say is in alignment with what we already know, we listen and if it isn’t we dismiss their advice, often saying, “They just don’t understand.” That is what I propose readers of this column do as well. If what I say speaks to you, great. If not, feel free to ask others until someone tells you what you want to hear.

All I can promise is that I will always speak from the heart and I will always tell the truth as I see it.

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Jonna will be helping you over the mid-week hump every Wednesday. Send your questions about love, relationships, life, and grabbing life by the balls to jonna@msbehaved.com. Find out what else she is up to here.

“… until it’s not.” So true. I also belive keeping a good guy on the backburner whlle we work out our own inner crap that makes us chase bad boys in the first place is unfair. That good guy will get some girls heart racing and they deserve to be happy!

Jonna, I love what you say about using advice to figure out our own real opinions on our problems and totally agree. We most often think someone is giving us “good” advice when it’s the right advice. Looking forward to reading more!