4.30.2006

Last night you found my cell phone in a cab. Thankfully, you didn't turn it in to the driver, which would have ensured that it would have been buried forever in some ginormous New York City Taxi and Livery Commission lost-and-found. Instead you called the last number I had dialed, spoke with esb, and made arrangements for me to pick up the phone with your doorman.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! While you were speaking to my friend, DJ and I were trying to strategize how I was going to write my mediation paper and go to Verizon and somehow manage to be available at 6:00 pm for my volunteeer shift. Oh, and find $300.00 to replace my phone.

Oh, this is the start of something goodDon't you agree?I haven't felt like this in so many moonsYou know what I mean?And we can build through this destructionAs we are standing on our feetSo, since you want to be with meYou'll have to follow throughWith every word you sayAnd I, all I really want is youYou to stick aroundI'll see you everydayBut you have to follow throughYou have to follow throughThese reeling emotions they just keep me aliveThey keep me in tuneOh, look what I'm holding here in my fireThis is for youAm I too obvious to preach it?You're so hypnotic on my heartSo, since you want to be with meYou'll have to follow throughWith every word you sayAnd I, all I really want is youYou to stick aroundI'll see you everydayBut you have to follow throughYou have to follow throughThe words you say to me are unlike anythingThat's ever been saidAnd what you do to me is unlike anythingThat's ever beenAm I too obvious to preach it?You're so hypnotic on my heartSo, since you want to be with meYou'll have to follow throughWith every word you sayAnd I, all I really want is you(For) you to stick aroundI'll see you everydayBut you'll have to follow throughWith every word you sayAn I, all I really want is you (For) you to stick aroundI'll see everydayBut you have to follow throughYou have to follow throughYou're gonna have to followOh, this is the start of something goodDon't you agree?

4.23.2006

I'm in the school computer lab where I've once again taken up residence. I'm slightly hungover from MS and Groom's wedding shower last night. There are bags under my eyes and a developing pimple on my chin. My cell phone battery is almost dead. My iPod is on shuffle, and that battery is dying too. I have no idea what my hair looks like, or how much smudged mascara I'm wearing. My current attire: a battered t-shirt and jeans that are badly in need of laundering. Since I woke up this morning, I've had a cupcake, some wheat thins and a diet coke. I haven't been home in three days. I miss my apartment. I miss the outside world. I miss my friends and I miss A.

4.21.2006

I think I'm getting sick today. I thought it might just be job fair jitters, but I have no appetite. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. I feel all weak and shaky, like my legs could collapse from under me.

Apply for a job working with the exact population/social issue that I'm interested in which will barely pay my rent OR apply for a hospital job that is somewhat close to what I'm looking for, with a higher salary?

4.18.2006

In the midst of the gorgeousness of this past Saturday, I went to the Boat Basin Cafe to meet up with DM and her sister for a few drinks. Because I had spent the morning in the park in the sun, and hadn't eaten much that day, I was a little bit drunk by the time I came home. The funny part of this story is that I was also a little bit indignant.

Picture this: me, attemtping to swagger but there's more stumbling than swaggering, in my new wedge espadrilles and my new jeans (which I wear all the time), sunburned, shivering slightly in my tank top, on the phone with The Lawyer, yelling about how hot I am and What's wrong with him? and Is he fucking crazy? and It's his loss. And this is all taking place among the crowds of people who are waiting to get into various Broadway shows, who are watching me, their unexpected pre-show entertainment.

4.14.2006

Last night, The Lawyer and I went to an early movie, and then met up with MS for drinks at the new gay bar in my neighborhood, which is pretty fuckin' fabulous. There's this giant window on the second floor which looks onto 51st Street, so you can sit with your drink and watch the parade of people walking by. Downstairs, there's flavor-infused vodka and a bricked patio area. After a drink or three, The Lawyer journeyed home and MS and I went to Druid's for another drink (I've really embraced this whole drinking thing again, apparently). Over vodka and soda, we had a not-entirely-clear conversation about how our careers are similar in that we both want to save the world (or something close to that, the details are hazy. I'm mean, I do want to save the world, but I think it's kind of a big job, and there are times when I'm not sure that I'm up for that kind of challenge. I'd probably like to have time for other stuff, like a personal life. If I'm engaged with saving the world, do I have time for a boyfriend?). Eventually, we wandered outside, speculating about how The Mosaic building is going to change 10th Avenue, and then stood outside our apartments and talked for another hour [Sidenote: it is amazing when one of your closest friends lives directly across the street from you. Trust me on this.]. All the while, we were surrounded by the fragrance of hyacinths on display at the corner deli.

And as I stood there, laughing and talking, watching the throngs of people on 9th Avenue who were celebrating the warm weather, I figured out that I am the luckiest person in the world. It didn't hurt that I was a little tipsy, had squeezed myself into my new jeans and that I'm in the midst of the start of something very good.

4.13.2006

I am about to head home after a really busy week. During this week, I saw 7 clients, successfully presented and defended my clinical case to my work colleagues, celebrated DM getting a job (yay!!!), attended 3 classes and went on a date. I also somehow managed to get to the gym every day.

I fear the near future when I no longer have Fridays off in which to recover. Perhaps I should consider negotiating for a 4-day work week, if I ever schedule a job interview.

4.11.2006

I took my cranky ass home from work early last night, went to yoga, and had some sushi. I feel much better today. Apologies to:

L & J...who were very sweetly were making plans to come to New York for my graduation (which, btw., falls on a Wednesday at 2:00 pm and is convenient for absolutely no-one) and were told that I could care less about going to the ceremony if this 'fucking degree isn't going to get me a fucking job that will pay my fucking rent'.

The Lawyer...who received several incoherent e-mails which railed against all of the (imagined) injustices in my life.

4.10.2006

My friend DJ is very sweet. She always thinks the best of people, and hates to even watch anything mildly violent. She goes out of her way to be kind and generous. Sometimes I wonder how we became such close friends, given my tendency to be a bitch most of the time.

But it's times like this morning that I don't question it at all.

We had a 6:00 am flight from Burlington back to New York. When we arrived in the JetBlue area, we marched right up to the express check-in, only to be told that we needed to wait in line to use the kiosk. This obviously made no sense as a) there were three available terminals which no-one was using, b) we weren't checking luggage and c) we hadn't had any coffee yet. I rolled my eyes and stepped to the end of the line. DJ, however, wasn't having any of it. She got in line with me, but proceeded to loudly question the directive of the JetBlue employee, and then verbally accosted the startled family of four in front of us. She continued her outrage during security clearance, onto our flight, and possibly through most of the NYC transit system.

4.09.2006

I've been in Vermont for the past two days, and my escape from New York couldn't have come at a better time. I feel like I can breathe up here.

Several friends (JP, DM) will be happy to know that I am officially off the wagon. After 67 days of sobriety, I decided to have an overpriced drink at JFK before our Friday night flight up to Burlington. The drinking has continued for much of the weekend.

I'm currently watching DJ, in her plaid pajamas, freaking out because our host, BC, only has decaf coffee. I might freak out too.We're plotting to get BC to walk down the street to Speeder and Earl's to fetch some for us.

4.05.2006

I just picked up my last stipend check from Columbia. While it's always nice to have extra spending money (which will certainly be appreciated this weekend in Vermont) the amount makes me laugh. The check covers the work I do with my internship. I work approximately 300 hours per semester - this semester will probably be closer to 400 hours - and the check is for $200. This means I am making about .66 per hour. Very rewarding.

Also, there is an extremely cranky man working at the Columbia gym desk who all but accused me of trying to steal a towel this morning. Fucking clown.

4.02.2006

I woke at 5:49 am this morning. But I wasn't sure if it was really 5:49 or 4:49, because of the time change. I think my phone automatically switches the time, and it said 5:49 on the phone. My alarm clock also read 5:49, but I wasn't sure that it was advanced enough to automatically switch the time for daylight savings.

Instead of telling myself that it was just early, no matter what time it was, and going back to sleep, I started a quest. I stumbled down the hall to the kitchen, to check the microwave clock. 5:49. Huh. I looked outside. There were people walking down the street who didn't look like they were just coming home from the bars. Hm. It was fairly light out, but the city always looks fairly light to me. The sky was a bluish gray color, which could have been happening at either 4:49 or 5:49.

For some reason, I didn't think to turn on the television, which probably could have provided an accurate reading on one of the local channels. Instead, I crawled back into bed, but I couldn't get back to sleep. This is the way it's been lately - I wake without the alarm at a ridiculously early hour and start stressing out about the end of school and the job market.