Confused

This is a Ianthony fanfiction. Ian has fallen in love with his best friend Anthony, but he knows that Anthony is straight, and he's scared what Anthony might think of him, if he knew what Ian's feeling.

1. Confused

He looked out at the window. It was raining. It almost never rained, but today it did. Like the weather showed his feelings. Or showed how his feelings SHOULD be right now. Melanie had just broke up with him. She didn’t like how he always used his time with Anthony, when he didn’t made videoes. Now she had enough, and she broke up with him. He should be sad. He should be broken. But he wasn’t. Why? Didn’t he really love her? Well, he did... But there was a person he loved more. As long as that person was with him, he was happy. It was wrong. It felt like love. But he shouldn’t love that person. It wasn’t right. He should love Melanie more. Anyway, he knew that he didn’t.

Ian covered his face with his hands. Why was he so confused? All his feelings was a mess. The feelings for the person confused him. He shouldn’t love him. He shouldn’t love Anthony.

Damn it! Ian knocked his hand down on the table. This must stop. Anthony didn’t love him. Obviously Anthony was straight. He wasn’t gay.

But was Ian? He might be... No. No, he couldn’t be gay. He was straight. ‘Cause he have a girlfriend. Well, he had. Even if he didn’t really love her... Geez, he wasn’t even sad, because of the breakup. But Anthony... He couldn’t lose Anthony. Couldn’t live without him. Was that love? It felt like it. Every time he looked at him... Every time their eyes met... Every time they laughed together... He felt something. Something that made him happy. More happy than Melanie had ever could make him. He felt complete with Anthony. He wanted to spent the rest of his life with him.

Ian looked down and began to rip a paper into pieces, trying to get away from all the thoughts. But he couldn’t.

Oh god, why should it be so difficult? Anthony had a girlfriend. He was STRAIGHT, for fucks sake! He only saw Ian as a friend. Why didn’t he felt the same way as Ian? Why...?

Ian jumped a little in his chair, when someone knocked at the door.

“Ian?”, Anthonys voice asked softly from the other side. Ian looked over at the door.

“Come in,” he said tired. The door opened a little and Anthony looked inside.

“Oh Ian!” Anthonys voice sounded worried. In reflex Ian touched his own cheek, and he felt his fingers get wet. He hadn’t even realized that he was crying. Anthony swung the door open and walked over to Ian, gently pulling him up from the chair and held him close. Ian lost it and began crying, sobbed softly into Anthony shoulder. Anthonys hand gently stroked Ians back and maked him relax.

“Don’t worry Ian,” Anthony said calmly. “She was just a dumb bitch anyway. You can get so many other girls. Don’t be sad. I’m here for you.”

Ian slowly shook his head and kept sobbing. Anthony didn’t understand. He didn’t knew, that Ian wasn’t crying, because Melanie had broke up with him. He cried, because he would never get, who he really loved. Anthony.