Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Soooo, apparantly, I'm not that great at writing in my blog every day. I have just been so crazy busy that I haven't had the time to sit down, much less write anything. Well, the other day, I was riding in my car listening to the radio, and I heard that song, probably from the 80s, called Forever Young. It's one of those songs that I have heard thousands of times, but never really thought about. This time, however, I really listened to the words, and I realized that the words of that song embody my wish for all my friends and family. So here is my wish for all of you:

May the good Lord be with you down every road you roamAnd may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from homeAnd may you grow to be proud, dignified, and trueAnd do unto others as you'd have done to youBe courageous and be braveAnd in my heart you'll always stay forever young

May good fortune be with youMay your guiding light be strongBuild a stairway to heaven with a prince or a vagabondAnd may you never love in vainAnd in my heart you will remain forever young

And when you finally fly away I'll be hoping that I served you wellFor all the wisdom of a lifetime, no one can ever tellBut whatever road you choose, I'm right behind you, win or loseForever young

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I have decided to start this blog simply because I don't keep a journal, and I do need an outlet for my busy, busy mind. Today I feel a mixture of emotions because as I looked at my calendar this morning , I realized that Lucas will be 11 months old in 6 days, and I look around and wonder where the past 11 months have gone. I wonder if I have done everything right so far. Have I left him with a sitter too often? Have I spent enough play time with him? Have I done everything I can to further his development? What about motor skills, speech, indepedence? Underneath my confident facade, I am so insecure about the important things in my life. Today I cried as yet again, I had to leave my son so I could work. This fast paced society has nearly driven me mad with the need to work more, make more, spend more. Where does it all end? Is there a happy medium? Recently I made a graph of how I allocate my most precious commodity...time. Although the majority of my time is spent with Lucas, it is spent doing the basics...diapering, feeding, bathing, rocking. I play patty-cake and peek-a-boo and read books over and over. I sing and dance and splurt his belly, but deep inside there is a feeling of guilt because of all the "Mommy's busy right now's" that I have thrown his way during the short time I've had him. Everyone told me to enjoy him because he won't stay little for long. I think of all the times I have rocked and nursed him at 2 in the morning, and today, I would do anything to have some of those times back. I blinked and he turned into a big boy. I only wish I had more often let the paperwork, the laundry, and the dinner wait and spent more time just holding him and getting those "good sugars" under the neck, around his fat rolls in his legs and on that sweet little pot belly. I know he's still relatively little, and I pray to God every day that I have plenty of time with him, but I try not to ever take anything for granted, so starting today I vow that I WILL let less important things fall by the wayside while I do the VERY important things....like patty-cake. :)