Erv's response: Gosh, I am slow. Out in Plattsmouth, Neb., where he now works, former Jackson Police Chief Ervin Portis issued a five-page statement on Nov. 5 in response to misconduct findings against him in Jackson.

Blasting the report and the investigators, Portis calls the findings biassed and denies any misconduct. Much of his response centers on the finding that he sexually harassed a female employee of the police department by, among other things, inviting her to his house when his wife was out of town and inviting her to join him at an out-of-town conference.

Portis said he did nothing wrong with the woman other than "one comment made in jest" about 10 years ago. "I vehemently denied any other allegations," he said.

The chief said the woman, who never filed a complaint and cooperated reluctantly with investigators, sent him nice thank-you cards. He suggested she tried to set him up as a target of sexual harassment.

Portis also seems to use the "she wanted it" defense.

"A review of Michigan case law involving sexual harassment claims would have disclosed that a key element to any claim of sexual harassment is the conduct complained of must be 'unwelcome,'" he said.

Which leads to a question: If he vehemently denies making sexual advances, how could they be welcome or unwelcome?

What to expect tomorrow: A column in the Citizen Patriot about Jackson's next great gift to humanity.