miss cuore

Registered User

i am new in this site my story is simple
My grandmother has alzheimer for 8 years already and i am the only one in the family that she still knows, everytime i go to see her i feel scared that she might have forgoten me and there isnt once that i leave her there in the nursing home with a broken heart.
Since i was young my grandmother was everything i had and still today she is all i got and the only one i love with all my heart.
She has being getting worst but recently its being much harder the feeling that i can lose her at anytime is very painfull and wouldnt know what to do if she wasnt here with me anymore.
Tjere is not a day that i dont fall asleep with the fear that a phone call will be waking me up ......
I dont know but the connection we have is very strong and its being really hard at this time in my life to cope and its taking over me...
She was always a very strong woman she worked hard took care of me done everything and now seeing her like this with no dignity its not fair she doesnt deserve wish i could take her pain away....and to be with her for the rest of my life i could not live without her..
thanks

Registered User

Hiya Cuore,
I think we all fear the day that we are not recognised any longer - but try not to. I think as the dementia progresses, you come to realise that what is important is still being able to love - when your grandmother nolonger knows you, you will still know her, you will still love her with all your heart, she will still be the same beautiful lady who has cared for you.
You can give your grandmother dignity - continue to be proud of who she has been and who she is now.
You will cope - you will be OK - because your grandmother has obviously given you great strength and love.
Love Helen

Registered User

Hiya Cuore,
I think we all fear the day that we are not recognised any longer - but try not to. I think as the dementia progresses, you come to realise that what is important is still being able to love - when your grandmother nolonger knows you, you will still know her, you will still love her with all your heart, she will still be the same beautiful lady who has cared for you.
You can give your grandmother dignity - continue to be proud of who she has been and who she is now.
You will cope - you will be OK - because your grandmother has obviously given you great strength and love.
Love Helen

Registered User

Dear Cuore,
I think that people suffering from dementia may be more aware of things than we realise. My Mum always seemed to know when I was feeling a bit upset, or if I was in a hurry to get away for some reason. Many of the problems are to do with difficulties in communication. Sometimes Mum didn't know who I was, but she seemed to remember the next time.
My Mum died suddenly six weeks ago and I miss her terribly as she was like a best friend to me. However as I look around there seem to be many things to remind me of her, like the plants we chose together for the garden, or things from her house such as furniture or books. Our memories are the most important things and every time I go shopping or pass her house I think of the good times we shared. The recent memories of her as a frail and confused old lady in the Nursing Home are gradually becoming less significant.
Nothing can prepare you for that final phone call, but you will cope because of everything your grandmother has done for you.
As we journey through life, unfortunately we have to say farewell to some of those we love, but others will hopefully come into our lives for us to love and be loved by.
Your memories of your grandmother will stay with you for ever and all that she has taught you will remain as a guide for your future.
Try not to be sad, but glad that you've had such a lovely relationship with your grandmother.
I've been feeling down just recently, but I tink I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. The people on TP are very supportive.
Kayla

Registered User

hi it took me a long time to be able again to look into the poems and write.the last year i moved back home to stay by my nan side..day and night everyday a stayed with her. her last 2 weeks in the hospital i was authorized to stay there i spent 2 long weeks awake day and night sleeping a bit on the floor but mainly next to my nan holding her hand and kissing her. she passed away 5 months ago she suffered a lot but even in coma 1 hour before going she looked up at me and she had tears in her eyes..for all that time i did not cry, in the moment she died i was holding her little face i start crying and screaming like my life was being taking. never felt so much emotional and physical pain. i still go to the cemetery to see her 3 times a week we talk i cry...my life has no meaning now i lost every single dream..i miss her all the time that hasnt being a day that i havent cried and thought how i hate being without her..her kisses cuddles..i had a few dreams with her she was beautiful..in one i felt a kiss it felt so real..i keep mysejf busy so i dont think much but i feel like i am not the same i became cold and more distant with people i have no will to love again cause she was the only one in my life...no she was my life.i wake up everyday cause i have to and what keeps me going is my mother and knowing that nan is by my side..she was too strong she fought for her life and thats what she would want me to do..its just too hard...i am completely lost without her
thanks

Account Closed

Well done for coming back to the site ... it is so hard isn't it? I lost my mum in September - it came far more suddenly than I ever expected ... but you know that last two week 'vigil' still haunts me more than anything now .... ...... more than six months on and my sleep pattern (which was never much good to start with) is hopelessly disturbed at any tiny upset.

I just noticed you had posted in the Poems section (thank you) - you know - I can barely go there now - either to read other people's or to post my own ... strange how some things you can cope with and others you just can't face? Every day someting becomes a little easier to face ... I hope it will for you too .... I have found a lot of comfort sharing with others in the 'Dealing with Loss Section' ...... it may or may not be right for you at this time ........ but TP is still here when you need it .....