Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Only 363 Days To Go

So, what do you think of 2007 so far? I find the pattern interesting enough, though I'm somewhat dubious about whether I've got gauge. I probably should have swatched.

There hasn't been a new entry for several days because the turn of the year always brings out the teenage poet in me. And I hate that. Nobody should ever visit this page only to be confronted by sentences like

And then I realized that Christmasses, to me, are like snowflakes–no two alike, but all equally beautiful.

I'm sorry you just read that. Be grateful you didn't see the rest.

Anyhow, the ball dropped in Times Square, and I'm back to normal. Or what passes for it around here.

If you blog, New Year's means you can do one of two things: write about your resolutions, or write about how you never do anything so jejune as make resolutions. You already know I'm jejune, so what have I got to lose?

Here we go.

I will do my utmost to expand my earring wardrobe.

I will polish my imitation of Etta James singing "Stormy Weather" to a high lustre.

Ditto my Frank Sinatra singing "Come Fly With Me."

Those stubborn mildew stains on the grout in the shower? History.

More Vegetable Biryani.

I will stop pretending I've never watched "Family Guy."

When at work, no use of the phrase "Fuck off and die" before 10:30 a.m.

I will lighten up on Lindsay Lohan. (Hilary Duff, Fergie, and Ryan Seacrest will remain dead to me.)

I notice that you did not specify that the 10:30am had to be in the same time zone in which you currently reside. It's 10:30 somewhere, after all.Scrubbing grout is overrated. Make Dolores do it. Especially if she's going to continue parading around the apartment in that "outfit".As for Lindsay, UGH. Maybe we can forgive her just a little, but can we still continue to heap scorn on her mother?

Welcome back our wayward poet, you had been missed (now that I know, I feel kind of blessed you were gone...).

Forget about the grout, the mildew will be back before you clean up your supplies so don't waste your time. I am sure you can have one, if not two, additional dance lessons in the time it would take to properly clean the grout....

Why worry with the grout? Reason number x+1 to MOVE!!!! Didn't you ever see 'Grace Under Fire'? My resolution is to decide if i am going to re-embrace the old bitch in me or fully embrace the new domesticated me. . . they don't get on well with each other and there will soon be a fight to the death. i'm cheering for the bitch!

My trick is talking about the unusual and cutting-edge use of humor in "Family Guy." Discussing comedy with utter seriousness and with a lot of wild gesturing is a great way to get people to change the subject. Apparently.

I suggest medical hydrogen peroxide (yup, the type in the brown bottle -- NOT the undiluted stuff) and a scrubby sponge or brush for the grout. It does a great job of wiping out the mold itself, and then you can bleach the stains out later with a bleach solution.

Just, y'know, rinse well in between. And wear gloves, if possible. Peroxide is effective, but nasty on the hands. Even the medical variety.

white paint works on groutjust say'n :PYou also made one of my resolutions easier..i shall indeed keep to my resolution of not saying 'fuck off' before noon.However, i just might say 'fuck off and die' insteadbeaminglyyours

Gauge... interesting concept. Might have to try it ... once I find the other needle, and wrestle the yarn from my inner cat. BTW, love your cartoons, remembered not to drink anything while reading your blog and...have you ever thought of moving to New Orleans?

I lived for 25 years in the mildew capital of the world. "Mold and Mildew Stain Remover" and a gas mask. Don't try to operate heavy equipment after use.Belly Dancing...I fulfilled a strange 30 year long desire and went and took lessons. I now know "Hernia" much better than I wanted to."Kiss my Arse" is my phrase of choice for early morning encounters. I over used it at the last job, and the rumour went around that I had lips tatooed on my butt.Barb B.

Belly dancing with a fluffy sheep... Poor Dolores! I'd definitely say have somebody else do the grout. When it's real grout, and black...time to move or redo the wall. Otherwise hold your breath, pour on the bleach (NFG for walls), and run outta there before the fumes kill your lungs. I'm rather fond of NFG, came from a couple of Calabrese at a swedish auto shop I worked in (no fuckin good). Resolutions? Nope. To do lists, yup, but these are SO flexible and I never care if things get crossed off because you can always write a new one, after all it's just a list.

haha. Too funny. I was cracking up reading this. Your resolutions should be everyones! It's nice not to see "lose weight" or "quit smoking". Family Guy and Fuck. There is no way anyone could give those up! I have #12 for you: Disregard #1-10. :D

And don't worry about the self-realization moments around new years. I have them too. This years is posted on the blog.

Tips for #2 & #3. Attend a Chicago Gay Men's Chorus concert. During the first half, peruse the performers and pick a few likely candidates for voice lessons. During intermission, make small talk with the prospective voice teachers. In the second half, narrow down your choice. Meet your selection at the end of the concert and ask if he would like to discuss voice techniques.

Franklin,One of my resolutions was to stop saying fuck . . . and then my idiot neighbors decided that 1:22 a.m. on New Year's Day was a good time to shoot off fireworks . . . I guess they had fallen into a drunken doze and missed midnight. Mary Lynnp.s. moving works well for the grout situation

Holy cow, I thought I was the only one who'd made flossing a formal resolution. Not sure whether this is encouraging or discouraging, but I ultimately succeeded in becoming a daily flosser - after five years of resolving to do it. Hope it doesn't take you as long...

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