Now I know this sounds crazy but hear me out. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that porn gives me the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had. The visual and mental stimulation are so powerful, that sometimes I almost don’t need to touch myself. Not only does it instantly make my dick as hard as a rock, it also gives me so much pre-cum down there that it looks like I just poured an entire bottle of lube on it. And you guys, it feels amazing. No real woman has ever turned me on that much.

I would describe porn this way:

Imagine your perfect sexual partner. Imagine that everything about them is specially catered to your specific tastes. Their face, eyes, body, hair, demeanor, everything is exactly how you like it. Now imagine that their sole purpose in life is to please you sexually. That is literally the only thing she wants in life, to satisfy your needs. She wants you to move her, bend her, touch her, use her, and fuck her in any way that you want.

That is what porn is like.

And the beauty of it is; if you get bored with her, you can change her in any way that you want. You can change her height, hair color, her race, age, what she likes and doesn’t like in bed; you can even change her level of “experience” if you want. So I ask you? When all of this is just a click away, why would I bother with real sex?

I guess now is the time when you all start to tell me that you can get more than just sexual pleasure out of IRL sex. You get romance, connection, intimacy; but most of all you get this thing I keep hearing about called love. I hear you people talk about love a lot. A lot of people have some good things to say about it, others say not so good things.

But honestly, do you really need love? Show of hands, how many of you are in love right now?

*Some people in the room raise their hands*

Huh, a lot of you are. Good for you. But let me talk to the ones that are not currently in love.

*Turns to all the single people*

Let me ask you a few questions. Were you alive when you woke up this morning? Yes? Good. Did you feel sick at all? No? Ok, good, good. Were you in love when you came out of the womb? No? Didn’t think so.

So really, do you need love to survive? I don’t think so. I mean I’ve lasted 24 years without love, and I’m doing fine. Well ok, that’s not 100% true. I guess I was in love once, with a girl I dated for about a month, two years ago. I’ll spare you the details, but suffice to say that I never felt anything like the way I felt for her. And she came along a couple years after my last (not to mention first, and only) girlfriend. I have to say it was really good to feel something like that again. We never got to the point where we were exclusive or “official”. But I really thought that we were going to end up there soon.

She didn’t feel that way.

After only a month of casually seeing each other, she ended it. When I asked her why, she said all the right clichés and gave a plethora of sensible-sounding reasons why we were ending. But everything she said was bullshit. She was just trying to cover up the real reason why she wanted to leave; which was simply that she got bored. After a month of dating, she got she wanted out of me, and tossed me aside.

Now before you all start saying that I just need to get over her, that there are other fish in the sea, and we all get dumped every once in awhile, you should know that I’ve dated plenty of girls in the past couple of years since her and I broke up. I’ve even liked and had fun with a couple of them. But they all ended up leaving, not by my choice. At some point, they all want to leave me. And that point always comes at the same time; roughly 37 seconds after I start to think that we could have something “real”.

You see, with porn, it’s just easier. With porn you don’t have to deal with the whole song and dance that is dating these days. You don’t have to worry about coming on too strong, or not strong enough. You never have to worry if porn likes you or not. You never have to wait and hope that porn will text or call you, or if porn will return your text/call. You never have to worry about communication, porn doesn’t care about that. You don’t have to spend time learning about porn’s wants and desires, because her desires are exactly the same as yours. You don’t have to put in the time or effort to get to know porn, to court her, or seduce her; she wants to fuck you the moment you click on her.

You don’t have to call porn after a date to tell her that you had a lot of fun. You don’t even have to call her to say hi for no reason at all. You don’t have to share your bed and cuddle with porn at night. You don’t have to hold porn when she cries, she never will. You never have to make porn laugh when she’s having a bad day, or even just because you want to. Porn doesn’t expect you to do anything special for Valentines Day, or any other holidays. You don’t have to take long walks on the beach with porn, or watch the sunset with her, or hold her hand.

And porn won’t do any of that for you. Porn teaches you how to not need anyone but yourself.