Hugh Jackman’s Life Just Peaked

The last sound Jon Hamm heard was a distinct “SNIKT!” He doesn’t recall posing for the picture (They told him it was Hugh Jackman’s birthday. It wasn’t.) or bleeding out all over George Stephanopoulos’ shoes. In fact, he doesn’t remember much of anything on account of he’s dead. “Had his dick been just a tad bit smaller, he may have survived,” the doctor said. “Poor bastard just had too much blood down there. Way too much blood. Damn shame is what is. Nothing but a damn shame.”