Frank commentary from an unretired call girl

No Need?

Prohibitionists are fond of claiming that nobody “needs” sex; in order to sell their evil belief that the State should have the power to inflict violence on individuals for peaceful, consensual acts of which the State nonetheless disapproves, prohibitionists try to represent sex as a mere “extra”, like playing video games or going on vacations. Those of us whose profession includes tending to the sexually wounded and touch-starved know better; we understand that while people don’t die for lack of sex, they also don’t immediately die for lack of other things that the prudes would still refer to as “needs”. Life is not merely a synonym for “biological existence”, and there are many things which have nothing to do with maintaining biochemical processes, yet are necessary for a life that isn’t low-level torture. The psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed a “hierarchy of needs”, with the basic biological requirements such as food and oxygen at the bottom and pursuit of one’s own personal potential at the top; the needs at the bottom are most paramount, and it’s very difficult to consistently pursue the needs at the higher levels when there are holes lower in the pyramid. Note that intimacy (including sexual intimacy) is in the middle, yet prohibitionists claim it’s unnecessary and even say people have no right to it; one wonders what kind of dreary, prison-like existence they believe humans “should” be leading? Nor are sex prohibitionists the only ones whose minds are poisoned by this evil belief; drug prohibitionists have for many years now waged a campaign against people getting relief from chronic pain on the grounds that some of them might enjoy the drugs. These are not the thought patterns of normal, morally-developed human beings, but rather the sick beliefs of busybodies whose own sexuality is only satisfied by denying happiness to others.

English is a language with a very large and nuanced vocabulary; for most concepts there is a broad selection of words to convey subtle differences in meaning. But in this case the language is lacking; there are no adequate words to cover the gap between “want” and “need”. The former implies mere preference or desire, while the latter indicates something that’s required for a healthy life, and the few words we have to bridge the gap, words like “yearning”, “longing” and “pining” come across as more poetic than specific. I am not exaggerating in the least when I tell you that cannabis has kept me going the past two years; I don’t “need” it like I need food or water, and I often go a couple of days without it when my schedule doesn’t permit a long-enough downtime. But neither is it a mere “want”; it enables me to relax, to control my anxiety, and to relieve the deep sorrow under which I otherwise labor for most of my waking hours, and it allows me a quality of sleep I had been denied for a decade. Certainly, there are other drugs that might do the job…but not as well, and at the cost of deleterious side-effects, a level of medical surveillance with which I’m not comfortable, and more money than I can afford. Similarly, my clients don’t “need” my services like they “need” oxygen, and yet it often isn’t a mere amusement either; recently the wife of one of my gentlemen publicly thanked me for relieving her husband’s stress and told me I was great for their marriage.

If most people were morally-developed enough to respect each others’ differences and preferences, it would hardly matter; whether another person’s desire for human contact is merely a fancy born of boredom or an aching emotional wound makes no difference if everyone respects his right to seek it for himself. But sadly, that is not the case; we live in a world where evil lunatics claim the right to assess why others want what they want, and to use violence to deny it to them if they can’t “prove” that they “need” it badly enough…and often, not even then.

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They are also fond of saying: “Men don’t have a right to sex.” Well, what about the right to pursue happiness? Isn’t having an hour or few hours of pleasurable company something that fits into that? And what about the provider getting paid well, and not being hurt in the process?

If you were to re-draw the pyramid for the human species instead of the individual you would have to add sex (procreation) to the lowest layer and maybe even its own layer below all the others because we need to make more humans or we go extinct. So how could something that is absolutely needed for our collective survival morph into a want at the level of the individual? That doesn’t make any sense to me and I don’t think biology works that way.

I seem to be able to enter a comment here but I can’t figure out (I’m old, give me a break!) how to Contact Maggie per the instruction on the right. So I will say what I want to share here and maybe someone can tell me what an ass I am not being able to use this site properly:

This is my response to a sign I saw on December 15, 2017. Who knew the role of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has spread this far?

Signs – but what is the meaning?

As my bus rolled into Pattaya (Thailand) a few days ago, I saw a billboard that said: “Stop Child Pornography”. I walked over to it to get a picture and that is when I was shocked to see that the sign was sponsored by the United States Department of Homeland Security. Who knew DHS was not limited to doing its proper job of protecting the “Homeland” in its own homeland? Frankly, there is a good chance the U.S. DHS inspired and paid for the entire campaign. Was the Thai government extorted in any way to participate in this campaign that looks so American, to this American? If so, that would be interesting to know.

Signs like this are part of what are called “awareness” campaigns. But this kind of awareness helps enflame and sustain existing hysterical issues. I assume this is not the only sign like this. There may be hundreds in Thailand and elsewhere around the world. America is awash with hysterical concerns about sex related issues: rape on college campuses, prostitutes at truck stops, constitutionality of sex offender lists, same sex marriage, and on and on, all seemingly exaggerated and enflamed beyond their importance. There are well financed organizations whose sole purpose seems to be too spread fear (AKA awareness) about sexual issues. Some of us are starting to call this America’s War on Sex. American sex culture may not be right for every country. America’s current sex culture includes living in fear of pimps and pedophiles which we are led to believe are everywhere. This is not a healthy environment.

I am certainly not a fan of any pornography but I know that child pornography is policed and rare. The vast majority of people are repulsed by child pornography, especially involving actual children. The UN has defined a “child” as anyone under 18 years of age. Fear mongers use this definition as license to imply that 15, 16, 17 year old mothers are no different than a 5 year old. This sign is typical in what it implies, but leaves unsaid. The market for true child pornography is small. Small, in this case, means it is NOT a big problem worthy of generalized fear. As I understand, child pornography is found on the so called dark internet, which most people (including me) do not know how to access, or on private blogs or other password protected sites where trusted patrons of this grotesque genre congregate by invitation only. Yes, real children need to be protected but regular, local policing can do that without help from America’s federal government. We do not need to live in fear over circumstances that are much rarer than we are led to believe.

I suggest that Thais oppose these signs. I am only a guest in Thailand and I take what I get. But I like Thailand. I urge Thais to oppose the proselytizing of America’s sex culture of fear. At least the Thai public should demand to know what was the role of the United States and its Department of Homeland Security regarding signs that seem to have no other purpose than to increase fear. It is only a misplaced understanding of America’s own superiority (exceptionalism) that leads the U. S. federal government to spread this kind of “awareness” around the world in defiance of international sovereignty.

When my mother was going for her psychology master’s, I read a lot of her books, and one thing I remember was experiments where they would have baby monkeys raised in isolation—no touch. Even though they were fed and taken good care of otherwise, all the baby monkeys died. And when they tried an experiment where a baby monkey had two “mothers,” one of them made of chicken wire with a milk bottle rigged so the baby could drink, and the other without the bottle, but made of soft cloth, the babies would drink from the wire mother, but would cuddle with the soft cloth mother, and run to the cloth mother if they were frightened. And I’m reminded of a passage from Lois McMaster Bujold, where a very mentally damaged character is musing about how people who sneered about those who paid for sex had no idea of what it was to starve for any human touch at all.

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