Is there a special soon-to-be teenage girl in your life? You could celebrate her coming of age by buying her something from our "budding feminists" gift guide. OR, conversely, you could give her this card to remind her that she lives in a culture where women are judged harshly on the value of their body even before puberty hits, and that if she wants to fit in (and snag a sugar daddy to buy her jewelery) she better grow some tits ASAP:

You're 13 today!
If you had a rich boyfriend
He'd give you diamonds and rubies
Well, maybe next year you will —
When you've got bigger boobies!

The card is apparently care of Arnold Barton, which is owned by Hallmark, which employs at least one person who should be fired for approving the message on this card/forced to intern at Rookie for the rest of his or her life.

Update: Hallmark responded; apparently the card is super old and shouldn't still be available for purchase.