Perspective

When I first saw Thankful for Cervical Dystonia I took a deep breath but continued reading. I’ve had enough life lessons, thank you very much! Dystonia is a life changing, miserable condition that has impacted our entire family. How could anyone find gratitude in chronic illness?

But as I read on I saw that the author was grateful for the life lessons that cervical dystonia had taught her. Our worldviews are very different, but I as I read through the list I realized that I have been learning these same lessons myself since my own cervical dystonia diagnosis in 2010. Much like the 12 steps of recovery, some spiritual truths are universal and practical for anyone who seeks them.

No matter what chronic illness you’re living with, I know that you’ll find these life lessons to be encouraging as well as empowering.

And if you haven’t found gratitude in chronic illness, that’s okay too. We’re all on the journey. Keep seeking and reaching out to others and the way will become apparent to you. Read on.

Gratitude changes your perspective on the life that you’ve been given. When you have gratitude in your life you:

Feel less victimized by others or what’s happened in your life. Blaming no longer exists. Rather than look at what you may have lost or what you don’t have, you’re able to look at situations in a new light and move forward focusing on what you can do and what you have.

Have a more open heart. Gratitude helps you become more compassionate and empathetic. You’ll be able to connect with people even if you don’t think you have much in common with them. It’s a more rewarding way to live.

With gratitude you’ll be able to recognize and appreciate what you have rather than what you don’t. As you begin to become aware of what is good and positive in your life, what is good and positive will grow.

Attract more gratitude and happiness. It’s often found that people attract experiences and people based on what they expect. If you focus on and expect good things to happen, more good may show up.

Here’s 15 areas of your life to seek gratitude..try keeping a simple journal and writing down one thing that you’re grateful for every day.

Music

Your pets

Nature

Your body – no matter what it’s capable of

The gift of story in books, movies and social media

Your faith

Meditation

Art

People

Food

Your Home

Modern conveniences

Your work

Experiences

Hobbies that bring you joy.

Finally, here’s some Christian scriptures to meditate on:

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 136:1

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:2-8

It’s that time of year when the reality of the new school year starts to sinks in, followed closely by Mommy Guilt. For me, that means continuing to homeschool my 17 year old with learning disabilities and getting my 15 year old son with Down Syndrome to his new charter school that’s about 22 miles away because the local high school is not the best environment for his growth and maturity. And then there’s the never ending doctor appointments and wondering if we should attempt any extracurricular activities. And when do I fit in time for the gym and yoga?

Then the mommy guilt starts to settle in. It’s hard for me to watch the families around me who are able to participate or at least just get their kids to the plethora of supplemental activities in our area.

It’s harder still to watch the happy pictures on my social media feed of happy families who simply get to do life without lots of forethought. Just like I used do to before cervical dystonia entered my life as a very unwanted houseguest in 2010.

In our family we have been blessed that as a retiree with a pension, my husband has been able to take over much of the care for our son and get him where he needs to be. My cervical dystonia diagnosis has also meant getting off the long wait for social services in Florida to gett much needed assistance, and I’m profoundly grateful for that. God has shown his provision for our family, without a doubt.

The anxiety begins as I consider the school year calendar. I really need to get in the pool 2 or 3 times a week. How do I manage that at the end of the day when I’m typically exhausted and out of spoons? And what about church and small group activities…you have to show up to feel part of but how does that work when you’re constantly leveled with fatigue? How about a recovery meeting once in awhile? Many of my friends live in my computer now. I know that’s not the best thing but am not sure what the alternative is in this season of my life.

Right now I don’t know how it’s all going to come together. It is labor intensive for the rest of my family. I’m working on better time management practices and organization. I have to plan around the reality that some days my muscles are going to be spasming so much I don’t want to get out of bed, much less leave the house. I can drive locally but get really nervous on the interstate at rush hour.

Some Tips for Coping with Mommy Guilt and Chronic Pain

Spiritual Disciplines – My journey with chronic pain has really developed my interest in prayer, meditation and the spiritual disciplines. Years ago in recovery rooms I learned that we only have a daily reprieve from our disease based on our spiritual condition. Taking that daily time with God helps the day to flow better, and I’m learning to continuously work on practicing the presence of God and developing a habit of unceasing prayer.

Self care – As moms, we tend to put ourselves last. I did it for years. But when chronic pain or illness is a part of our lives, we have to make that time for our own wellness a priority. It isn’t selfish. Simplify your life as much as you can to minimize stress. Use your crockpot to save spoons at the end of the day. Have your kids help clean the house. If you need a pajama day, it’s perfectly okay. Take full advantage of the convenience of online shopping.

Find what you love and just do it – I blog because I like it. Writing is a great release for me and I’ve loved learning all the technical ins and outs of blogging. It’s empowering to know that my brain still works. I also love yoga. When I could do little else besides lay on the couch and read, yoga gave me my physical life back and something to strive for. For you it might be quilting, crocheting or gentle gardening. Whatever it is for you, it’s a great mental distraction from the dailiness of chronic pain.

Communication – Talk with your family about your condition and how it impacts you without making them feel guilty or overwhelming them. You’ll have children who are more sensitive and patient. That being said, it is hard to watch them sacrifice over and over again.

Let go of Mommy Guilt – You’re a good mom (preaching to myself here.) You are enough. Do the best you can. Embrace life’s little moments as they come to you no matter where you are. Whether you’re on the couch or out and about, your children love you no matter what and appreciate what you do for them.