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Anxiety, fear, competition nerves, general nerves, fear of failure and awareness of vulnerability and the possibility of physical injury. Ever felt like this? Ever felt it before you got on a horse or even before you got to the yard or on the drive to a competition? Of course you have. Ever felt physical symptoms? Stomach ache, diarrohea, vomiting or even just sweaty palms and the little flutter in your chest? I bet you have.

This is something I found myself speaking a lot about last week in person and online. I am, like many others, an amateur rider. Horses are not in my family background and much as they are what I live for, I had neither the talent, the support or the funds to be a professional at this sport. Thankfully I am good enough at other things to manage to be gainfully employed doing them which in turn allows me to enjoy horses which are my true passion in life.

Rider with no concept of basic rules of the school usually riding along naval grazing while others have to swerve around them. Will have ‘left hand to left hand’ hissed at them at least ten times in the warm up but probably won’t even notice as they almost crush your knee against the wall.

Randomer getting a lesson

Will spend the entire time in the warm up arena riding a twenty metre circle while getting a lesson off someone. Shoots glaring looks at anyone who dares to enter said circle.

The Diva

To find them just follow the histrionic echoes of their tone of dissatisfaction that waft across the warm up. Will literally act as if their Olympic effort has been derailed if they realise a novice class is running ten minutes behind when they are ready to go in. Usually accompanied by a minion. Cannot possibly warm up at any level without the minion applying at least six white boots.

The Minion

Groom / partner / parent demoted to general dogsbody dominated to the point where they have no opinion of their own and just live to serve and hope they get out alive at the end of the event.

Sunday was quite simply, an experience. I headed off with two friends to our first Dressage Ireland competition of the season. They were keen to qualify for Cavan, I just needed three more scores myself and one wanted to test drive her new lorry so we thought why not and headed off out West to County Clare to compete in the North Munster region.

Fresh after our Roland Tong clinic on Friday a couple of weeks back, Sammy was rather intrigued at being put back into the horsebox on Saturday. “Jumps Sammy” I promised as I bribed him up the ramp with a haylage net. We set off for Killossery for the Sarah Ennis eventing clinic but ground to a halt at the M50 on ramp which pretty much resembled a car park. I rang the venue who rather than saying oh well go home, said take your time we will make it work in another session which was really accommodating of them. We arrived an hour later to find the clinic had it’s own delays but we were ready to join a group of four other riders and get going in the indoor.

“Oh my god this feels amazing” I shrieked across the arena at a friend last week followed by “please say it doesn’t look terrible”!! No, I wasn’t doing anything incredible, there was no Piaffe or passage going on not even an accidental spook inspired one. I wasn’t doing anything remotely close to a dressage test movement. I’d simply, after trying to get it for almost half an hour managed to get a horse really long and low, stretching out taking the contact forward and working over the back which for at least six strides felt bloody amazing. Naturally I lost it about half a circle later and spent the rest of my time trying to find it again. See, that’s what happens when you love flatwork, the feeling of doing it even half right for half a circle is like crack cocaine and we need our fix. We are mad really.

When I am teaching show jumping or cross country I have a mantra I always bang on about. Why? Well the answer is two- fold. Firstly if you are going to be a coach you need to have your own philosophy on things and your own way of explaining things (Drive that bus Christa!), otherwise sure we are all just going to stand there bored reciting lines from a book. I have a list of my own choice phrases some of which are only adult appropriate. Secondly, banging on about something is the only way it will penetrate the massive level of noise the average human hears daily and embed itself into their brain. When that happens you have some hope that it might be recalled by the rider when you are not there or in competition. I know it works as it is what most religions and the Irish educational system in the 90’s was based on. I can’t remember what I did last week but Jesus I can remember some amount of random stuff from school simply because it was drummed into me day in day out. I haven’t a clue for example who Zacchaeus is for example but there is a song in my head for the past twenty years from school that says he was a greedy little man.

Now look if they are totally wonky with more than a hole in the difference of course we know but if you are doing the ‘are my stirrups even’ bum shuffle while listing your saddle from side to side like a drunk on a boat then no, we don’t know if stirrup A is 0.25cm shorter or longer than stirrup B! Plus if you have insisted on turning in eleventy million times in one session to ponder this great life mystery, at that point we don’t care.

I have a fool proof cure for the stirrup conundrum that hasn’t failed me yet. Turn in and halt. Ensure saddle sits correctly and centred on the horse (get off and fix if it isn’t). Remove feet from stirrups. Bring each knee up as high as you can and then your legs out as far as you can and repeat. Now that you are sat in the middle of the saddle, without wiggling or shuffling just put your feet into the stirrups and you will know which is longer. Fix that one and away you go. Your welcome.

A few months back a company contacted me by email to ask if I would write about their product. I told them the same thing I would tell any company in the same position – if you want to send on a product I will happily give a full and honest review but my opinion is not for sale and I cannot guarantee a positive review. The company were happy with this and sent on a product for me to try out. In turned out the product was Quick Knot – a product I had seen videos about online and was keen to buy and try anyway. In addition to not selling my opinion I also don’t believe in giving anything a half assed trial so this product has been tested on five different horses in the last four months. The results are below.

Solution: Hair dryer! If despite a good cooler / sweat rug your horse is still damp, plug in your hair dryer and finish the job. If they don’t mind being clipped they rarely mind this as the noise is similar and most quite enjoy the warm air on their skin! Also, if you are washing a thick coated horse adding some methylated spirits to the rinsing water will help to evaporate the water from the coat quicker.