FARBlog

The Official Web Log of Famous Author Rob Byrnes, brought to you from the center of the universe: West New York, New Jersey

Defining Deviancy Down Since 2003

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

WHERE'S ROB?Sorry I haven't posted much recently, but work has been busy. And I'll be posting even less in the days to come, because I'm sneaking off to beautiful Rochester, NY -- a.k.a. "the Paris of Upstate" -- for some overdue family-bonding and a long weekend of hanging out in random bars.

But you'll find something to do with yourselves while I'm gone. I think.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Friday, September 19, 2003

WHY I'M A NEW YORKERBecause in Minneapolis/St. Paul, they post things like this on Craigslist.
And in Phoenix they post things like this.
And in Seattle, they post things like this.
And in Toronto, they post things like this. (Of course. Toronto!)

TOO MUCH FUN FOR A THURSDAY NIGHT
or, OW OW OW OW OW!I'm moving a bit slowly this morning. Maybe I should have gone home when people first told me I should go home, instead of several hours later.

The party began around 6:00 at Posh on West 51st Street with Lisa Stocker's launch party for her new novel P-Town Summer. Lots of people... lots of books sold... lots of fun...

And then I should have gone home. But I didn't.

Because -- much to my surprise -- as Lisa's party began to wind down, I ran into the lovely and talented Karen Mack (and Judy Barnett!) who were at Posh to celebrate the birthday of my Imaginary Boyfriend, Michael Holland.

I woke up this morning with a hangover and a bag full of... plastic dinoaurs? I hope that means I had a good time.

BREAKING NEWS:
RIGHT-WING ZEALOTS FIND LINK BETWEEN
SEXUALITY AND ECONOMIC POLICYI have always been mystified by the thought processes of most right-wingers (and more than a few others) when it comes to issues related to sexuality and the wallet. For instance, one New York State legislator I used to know quite well could never get his head around the concept of domestic partner benefits for state workers, arguing that it would be a drain on the budget.

Er... maybe I missed something, but I pay taxes too, right? So it made sense that I helped pay for benefits for his wife and children, but he couldn't reciprocate if I had a dependent partner? Ahem. I think not.

The AP reports that a new version of this game has now played out in Arizona, where former State Rep. Steve May -- a Republican, let me add -- has been booted from the leadership of the anti-tax group Club for Growth after some loonies made a fuss over May's homosexuality.

Quoteth Lead Loonie Len Munsil, president of Center for Arizona Policy: "Politely let (the Club for Groth) know conservatives will not support an organization led by a liberal gay activist who has declared war on social conservatives in Arizona."

Get that? May declared war on social conservatives.

Social.

Note that Munsil said nothing about fiscal policy (which -- last time I checked -- was what an anti-tax group is by definition concerned about.) Also note that the Center for Arizona Policy's web page lists its agenda, and taxes/economic policy is nowhere to be found. (But the mythic 'Homosexual Agenda' is there, of course.)

Just more crazy right-wing wackadoo bullshit.

The Center for Arizona Policy has a "Presidential Payer Team" that this week is busy praying for GW, John Snow, and Johnny Cash. Next week maybe they should pray for their own souls.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

NEXT YEAR'S MUST-READ BOOK MOVES FORWARDOh, yeah, I have some good news to report. My editor just e-mailed me ('just' meaning 'yesterday') to tell me that, except for the standard line edit, the manuscript for my next novel is good to go. No major revisions... no more late nights hunched over my keyboard, trying to get the words out (for a while)... no bad shit at all. I can just sit back and wait for UPS to deliver my National Book Award.

THINGS TO DO IF YOU'RE BORED TONIGHT1. 601am and Gothamist are sponsoring a Happy Hour tonight at Remote Lounge, which is somewhere south of East 14th Street, meaning I'm not allowed to go, 'cause I'll get lost. Instead I'll be at:

2. The launch party for Lisa Stocker's new novel P-Town Summer, which will be from 6 PM - 9PM tonight at Posh, on West 51st Street near Ninth Avenue. Come on down and buy a book or six from Lisa. And if you happen to bring a copy of my book, I'll even sign it for you. I'm just that giving. Or you can:

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

P.S., IT'S BRIAN'S BIRTHDAYIf you're so inclined, pop over to Tales from the City and wish Brian the 646 Guy a happy 29th birthday. (I've owed him e-mail for a week, but this is as close as he's getting to a present. Besides, what do you get a 29 year old for a gift? Mittens? Lincoln Logs? I have no idea anymore...)

ADVENTURES IN STRIKE-THROUGHSIf you checked in within the past hour, and were curious why there was a nonsense word with a line through it, I can assure you that you didn't miss anything. I was merely playing in Blogger, trying to see if I knew how to strike through a word, and didn't realize I had posted my experiment.

REMEMBER THEIR NAMESWow. Moments ago I clicked on 601am and, well... let's just say that Aaron, without one word of editorializing, has posted the most poignant memorial to the victims of the World Trade Center.

PSST! WANNA FREE BOOK?I just received a shipment of the new, hot-off-the-presses trade paperback version of my novel The Night We Met, and I've decided to try an adventure in marketing.

Here's the deal: the first six people to contact me will receive a free, autographed book. Forget the cover price, forget the tax, even forget the shipping and handling. I will take care of all of that.

Here's what you have to do in exchange:

If you have a web site, you must post a review. I don't care what the review says, as long as it reflects your opinion. (Okay, I really do, but I'll take an honest review over meaningless pandering, 'cause I'm just that self-secure.)

Monday, September 08, 2003

BAD, BAD BOOK COVER ARTThe artwork on book jackets will forever be a bone of contention between writers and the editors, art directors, and alleged marketing wizards representing the interests of their publishers. And guess who ends up winning. Every time.

Writers grouse about their cover art because that's what we do as an excuse for not writing. Still, it's always fun to let others do the sniping. That's why I'm pleased to present:

MR. PATRICK WALLACE AND THE TEPID PORK DINNERI've been a bit unamused by some of his recent columns, but TRL's favorite Writer on the Loose is finally back in form. In this installment of his life in Apopka, Florida, Mr. Patrick Wallace tries out a new pork restaurant, drives his vibrating Roadmaster, and deals with the mouse at the library.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

EICHENSTRASSE, BETWEEN YORCKSTRASSE
AND KRONPRIZESSINEN,
AND STEP ON ITIf the Nazis had conquered Manhattan in WWII, I would have had a hell of a tongue-twisting time getting home from My Regular Biergarten at Schumannstrasse and Konigen Elizabeth Strasse in the Wilmersdorf section of Neu-York.

Then again, I suppose we'd all have worse problems, like that pesky 'imprisonment, torture, and death' thing...
(Link via Kottke)

IN FAIRNESS TO JONAH...Aaron points out that maybe I was just a bit too hard on Jonah Goldberg in yesterday's posts, and I'll concede the point. In fairness to Jonah, he is a conservative who has been generally notable in his non-hostility to the gay population. Yes, he opposes gay marriage, but he has recognized that there should be a civil alternative.

I think that's why his comments in NRO's The Corner yesterday pissed me off. I expected better from him than the equivalent of a cheap shot.

I'm hardly a Gay Separatist, but -- at the risk of repeating myself -- it's comments like his that remind me that there are a lot of people out there who not only Don't Get It, but Refuse to Get It.

At a certain point, the trulyevil and the clueless share common ground. When well-meaning moderates buy into right-wing mythology/demonology, no good can result.

(Great. Now I just pissed myself off again. I shouldn't do politics first thing in the morning...)

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

THE NOT-ALLOWED-TO-BE-MARRIED LISTJonah Goldberg's stupid comments (see the post below) got me thinking. Maybe Jonah has a point. Maybe he's right, and people with a non-monogamous attitude toward marriage should not have it as an option.

Therefore, I hereby (and unilaterally) declare that the following people must divorce immediately, pursuant to the Goldberg Rule:

MORE GAY MARRIAGE B.S. FROM THE RIGHTDamn, I really don't want to discuss this to death, but why are conservatives so... well, dumb when it comes to the issue of gay marriage? For instance, take this comment posted by Jonah Goldberg on National Review Online earlier today:

Gays in Canada don't want marriage because marriage is "too conservative" for folks who don't believe in such things as monogamy. Here's a quote worth pondering:

"Ambiguity is a good word for the feeling among gays about marriage,"
said Mitchel Raphael, editor in chief of Fab, a popular gay magazine in
Toronto. "I'd be for marriage if I thought gay people would challenge
and change the institution and not buy into the traditional meaning of
`till death do us part' and monogamy forever. We should be Oscar
Wildes and not like everyone else watching the play."

Fine, fine. But if that's the attitude toward marriage, they shouldn't have marriage as an option.

Now, honestly... is Jonah Goldberg a complete and utter moron? Does he ride the short bus to work? Let's find out exactly how many leaps of logic he made in the excerpt above (most of which is a quote from the New York Times, by the way):

1. I know many gay men and lesbians. None of us know Mitchel Raphael. Therefore, Mitchel Raphael speaks for Mitchel Raphael, and not for the rest of us. Get that, Jonah?

2. "(M)arriage is too conservative for those who don't believe in... monogamy." True, I suppose, although the institution of marriage seems to be held dear by a few hundred million heterosexuals who have their own zipper problems. In any event, though, do the opinions of a handful of people quoted in the Times story -- again, none of whom I know -- represent the opinion of every homosexual on the planet? If so, where's the proof? If not, why the comment that we shouldn't have marriage as an option?

3. Astute readers -- which apparently do not include Jonah Goldberg -- will note that the Times article is entirely anecdotal. Unless I missed something, they conducted no polls. The article certainly represents some opinions within the GLBT community, but even the Times doesn't pretend it's a detailed study destined for a Pulitzer Prize.

4. Again, if Jonah had read that article and thought about it, maybe he would have realized that those homosexuals who do not want to make that ultimate commitment are not getting married. That's why there's a big discrepancy between the number of registered partners and the number seeking marriage licenses. Is dumbass Jonah really saying that gay people committed to monogamy and wanting to get married should be penalized because those uncommitted to monogamy do not want to get married?

Every time I start to feel complacent, intellectually-dishonest people like Jonah Goldberg remind me that there is a reason to stay angry. Jonah Goldberg would not be able to survive a day dealing with the unthinking petty indignities that the gay population deals with on a daily basis from people like him.

SPEAKING OF P-TOWN SUMMERS...Lisa Stocker's novel P-Town Summerhas just been released by Kensington Publishing Company (who?). I'm about three-quarters through it and thoroughly enjoying myself.

So buy it now. Hurry!

Lisa -- who, by the way, is a delight -- will also be celebrating her book launch with a little party at Posh (where?) on West 51st Street on the evening of Thursday, September 18, and you're invited. If you would like to go, e-mail me (or directly e-mail Lisa) so she has a head count.

BACK FROM A P-TOWN SUMMERAndrew Sullivan has returned. Quite often, he annoys me, but I forgive him because, when he's right, he's got the sharpest keyboard on the Internet. And when he's wrong, he may be infuriating, but he's not irrelevant. (Like he cares what I think...)

3,176That's the ranking in popularity (or at least commonality) of my surname in the United States, according to this web site. Just for fun, I ran the surnames of a few friends to determine who's the most... common. The results:

HOW I SPENT MY WEEKEND
(or, ADVENTURES IN TIME-WASTING) Friday evening: Go to Happy Hour. Bitch and drink G&Ts because My Regular Bar is out of white wine for the third straight day. Go home. Pass out.

Saturday: Do laundry for the first time in a month. Rediscover clothes I had forgotten I own. Cool.

Saturday evening: Go to Happy Hour. Bitch and drink red wine because My Regular Bar is out of white wine for the fourth straight day. Finally wear bartender down, and he calls for more wine, which arrives via cab 30 minutes later. Go, Rob! After a few drinks, discover that my drinking companion is as unenthusiastic as I am about being out. Go to Gray's Papaya for hot dogs to soak up the booze. Go home. Feel ill. Pass out.

Sunday: Wake, then quickly run to the diner for an omelet before the hangover can kick in full-force. Task accomplished, spend the rest of the afternoon playing solitaire and watching mediocre Chris O'Donnell movies. For fun, pick up copy of Publishers Weekly, then get annoyed for reasons I will not be discussing in a public forum.

A VOTE FOR A BYRNES
IS NEVER A WASTED VOTEI don't intend to blog politics here at TRL. Well... mostly.

But if you happen to live in the city of Rochester, NY and you're a Democrat, and you don't have a problem with qualified Republicans, I think it would be sweet if you voted for my sister -- Judge Marjorie Byrnes -- in the September 9 primary election.

Despite the fact that she's my sibling, I wouldn't make the recommendation if she wasn't worth it.

See Rob Byrnes

Hear Rob Byrnes

Now in Bookstores!

"(A) laugh-out-loud endgame farce with definite switch-hit appeal.

-- Booklist

The Ouevre

"Byrnes... plumbs the depths of variously closeted men in this sly charmer. (C)lever dialogue and an astute rendering of the prices people pay to keep secrets buried add crossover appeal."
--Publishers Weekly

"This story is filled with some of the funniest, yet down-to-earth, characters I’ve read in a while.
Filled with humor and a touch of sarcasm, Trust Fund Boys delivers exactly what it promises -- a really fun read."
--HM Key, Out in America Cities Network

"Strange Bedfellows" follows a concept that seems to be ripped from the headlines: politics mixed with sex.
But you can bet that things were never this hot between Bill and Monica!"
--Random Amazon Reviewer