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Getting along with difficult co-workers

Dr. Paul |
October 11, 2017 |

Modern work life requires considerable teamwork. In today’s work world, “team members” work on projects, complete “deliverables”, and work together to improve the customer experience. It’s the new world order.

The good news is that teams are more innovative and high performing than individual output. It’s true—the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. But do modern-day workers have the skills to work together effectively? What about co-workers who are difficult to get along with? What about teammates who are clueless about how they come across to others? And what about colleagues who seem to spend most of the day texting their boyfriend while everyone else is staying late to meet deadlines?

Most people play well in the sandbox. But then again, some don’t. We all know who they are. They have a hard time sharing, giving credit where credit is due, and getting along with others. They can be grumpy, demanding, and let’s face it--- just plain difficult.

Bill is always the first person at his desk and the last one to leave. He’s a hard worker. But his teammate Sandy is always late and seems to spend a large part of the day schmoozing at the water cooler. Bill doesn’t know what to do---he feels like he’s stuck doing most of the work assigned to both of them.

What are key elements to working well together?

Don’t keep your feelings inside.

Resentment is bad for you and bad for others. Anger, kept inside, festers, and will ruin your wellbeing. Find a diplomatic, kind, and clear way to express your feelings to your co-workers. If someone is doing something that’s bothering you, get it off your chest.

There is always a generous, tactful way of saying something—"Joe, I am sure that you have good reasons, but it seems that you frequently get to work late. I really value your help on this project and would appreciate it if you would get to work on time so we can get the job done. Is there anything going on that I don’t know about?”

Don’t vent to co-workers about someone else.

Venting your feelings about Joe to Bill is a recipe for fostering an unhealthy, unhappy, unproductive workplace! It makes you feel good temporarily but doesn’t do anything to address the problem. It also puts Bill in an awkward position. Then he is wondering if you’re talking to Sam about him. If you have something you need to say, say it directly to whom it concerns.

“But that makes me uncomfortable!”.

Of course, it does! Most of us aren’t comfortable with conflict. But that isn’t a reason not to address problems. Do it sooner rather than later.

Seek to understand the other person.

Sometimes difficult people have difficult lives that we don’t know anything about—sick parents, troubled children, or challenging marriages. All we see is what’s on the surface. Look a little deeper before you make a judgment.

Make sure to give credit to others.

Adults that work closely together can take each other for granted, just like married couples. Let your co-workers know when you’re grateful for something they did. Be generous with praise.

Focus on the positives.

For some years, I worked with a difficult colleague. He was hard to get along with, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t like me, but he was an excellent provider who always went the extra mile for his patients! I admired his dedication to his work even if we rubbed each other the wrong way.

Be a source of light.

I can’t change anyone else, but I can endeavor to spread goodwill, kindness, compassion, and empathy wherever I go. While this may not make your co-worker a good camper, at least you will be a positive influence on your environment.