Peaches Geldof feeds baby Phaedra to her dog

PEACHES Geldof scrapes her baby from the pavement and announces that another one is on the way. Hello magazine reports that Peaches has picked out a new name for No. 2. It’s Phaedra.

“It’s a name that comes from an ancient Greek play. But it also features in a song Tom and I both love called Some Velvet Morning by Lee Hazlewood. Finding out I was pregnant again so soon was quite a shock. Tom was so happy. He loves being a dad so much and is brilliant with Astala, who totally adores him, so he was over the moon. I, on the other hand, did have a momentary panic and go, ‘Oh my God, we’re going to have a one-year-old and a one-month-old! How will we cope?’ But Tom was so supportive and relaxed, it banished my doubts and I started imagining the two boys growing up together as the best of friends. It will be great for Astala to have Phaedra to play with.”

Peaches. Phaedra. And Parper the dog. The Kardashaians have the Klan; Peaches is growing the Plan.

Over in the Daily Mail, which see Peaches’s womb as Hellsmouth, there’s a photo Peaches tweeted of Parper the dog nuzzling her current baby, Astala (aka Pastala). The Mail purses its lips and records the words of a spokesman for a dog charity:

“Never leave your dog alone with your child.”

Or as it Mail said on November 10:

A child’s best friend: Loyal dog ‘Dasher’ guarded two-year-old who went missing in the Australian bush for fourteen hours

But because this is Peaches Geldof, the Mail’s hate figure who epitomises all that is wrong with motherhood and womanhood, she and her dog are served up as a warning to right-thinking folk.

Anyhow, Phaedra. The name is best known as a female character in Euripides’ play, the Hippolytus, who commits suicide after driving the step-son she fancies to rant against “poisonous” women and be killed. Had Hippolytus lived, he could have been a Mail columnist…