Going in Raw – WWE Raw – 28th May 2018

Welcome to another edition of Monday Night Raw. Last week saw Raw reach it’s lowest rating in a year, thanks in no small part to the atrocious “Lashley Sisters” segment. How will WWE follow up that shitshow? Let’s find out together…

MR MONSTER IN THE BANK

Braun Strowman comes out and cuts a promo about how the Money in the Bank briefcase motivates him. He runs through the other participants and says none of them can stop him. He is going to grab that contract, and Brock Lesnar is going to get these hands. This brings Finn Balor out to the stage, to remind us he never lost the Universal Title. They go back and forth about their match last week, and Braun says Finn put up a good fight, for a little guy. Finn slaps him in the face, and Braun smash.

Kurt Angle interrupts, and says he sees their intensity, one of his favourite I’s. He puts over their match from last week, and makes a rematch for right now! Kevin Owens joined commentary for this, and he was absolute gold. The match is a bit more one sided than last week, with Braun dominating most of the early stages. Owens gets on the mic throughout the match to distract each guy and stoke the flames.

Later in the match Balor rallies and dropkicks Braun out of the ring. He nails a dive to the outside, and a double stomp to the back to floor him. Balor with a Coup de grâce, and he goes for a 2nd, but Owens attacks him, causing the DQ. Owens attacks Balor with a ladder. He tries to use it on Braun, but he grabs it, and throws it from the ring to halfway up the ramp. I can only imagine how huge the pop would be for a Strowman cash-in on Lesnar…

Later in the night Owens had to take on Bobby Roode. Owens gets the win in a decent match, and after the match Braun destroys both of them.

MONDAY NIGHT ROLLINS

Elias came out, cut his usual sort of promo about the state of the crowd and needing silence, etc. and then we get a promo for the Rollins-Jinder match and go to break. Obvious time killing there. We come back and he’s still in the ring. He keeps talking shit until the Red Power Ranger interrupts him. Oh shit, that’s Seth Rollins! Such a waste of time…

Next out comes Jinder Mahal for his IC title match against Rollins. Seth starts the match fast, but a distraction from Sunil Singh allows Jinder get the advantage as we go to break.

“No” means “no”!

The match is one of Jinder’s best showings in ages, and Rollins sold like a champ for him. There was a weird moment where it sounded like Graves said Jinder was “a second away from deepthroating Rollins”. Near the end of the match Singh grabs Rollins ankle which causes the ref to send him to the back, but the distraction allows Jinder nail Rollins with a chair for a 2 count. Singh comes back out, and Rollins Buckle Bombs him into Jinder. He grabs the chair and blasts Jinder with it, causing a DQ. Rollins chases Singh to the back, and poses on the announce table with the chair, when Elias comes out of nowhere and breaks a guitar off his back, sending him crashing to the floor below.

After a break they try to get Rollins onto a stretcher, but he talks his way out of it and walks to the back with a bit of help. Am guessing we get Elias vs Roman soon, and Elias vs Rollins at Money in the Bank.

THE BULLIED BECOMES THE BULLY

Ronda realises a match with Nia Jax may legitimately be the most dangerous fight of her life…

Nia Jax had a match with a local talent where Ronda Rousey was on commentary. She gets the local to put an armbar on her, she lifts her out of it and powerbombs her, then hits a Samoan Drop, Manslaughter Leg Drop and Flip Senton. She calls Ronda down to the ring, and says she’s not intimidated by Ronda’s scary face. Isn’t this the same girl that just 3 weeks ago was in a feud where she was going on about being bullied and standing up to bullies? Jesus Christ! Also, the match was never waved off by the ref and Nia left the ring, so does that mean the local talent won by countout? Is she #1 contender now too? Answers on a postcard please…

MS MONEY IN THE BANK

We had a gauntlet match to fill the last slot in the Women’s Money in the Bank match. Throughout the night we had phone promos from some of the participants. Dana Brooke’s one felt very similar to a few other amateur movies I have seen in my time… now that I think about it most of those were referring to slots being filled too!

Was so tempted to put a Brazzers logo on this

Bayley & Liv Morgan kick off the match. The match lasts about 30 seconds and Bayley gets the win, bringing Sarah Logan into the match. Bayley eliminates her within 3 minutes, and both Liv & Logan lay Bayley out afterwards. Ruby Riott comes out after that to pick the bones of the fallen hugger.

We come back from break and Bayley & Ruby go back and forth for a minute or two, then Ruby hits a Riott Kick to eliminate Bayley. The Statistical Sorceress Dana Brooke comes out next, and she looked good in her brief cameo, but Ruby beats her fairly swiftly. Mickie James is the next woman up to the plate. They have a good 4 minutes or so, and Ruby gets the win with a rollup and handful of tights.

The final entrant is Sasha Banks, which means it’s BOSS TIME! Fuck off Michael Cole! For some reason I thought Sasha was already qualified. Shows how much I care about this.They have a really good match, including a great spot where Ruby goes for a monkey flip, is caught, she bounces off the ropes and counters into a DDT. Sasha locks in a Banks Statement, Riott Squad try to interfere, she fights them off and locks it in again to secure her spot in MITB!

TAG TEAM DIVISION

The Deleters of Worlds defeated The Ascension in what was possibly the Deleters’ longest match since becoming a team. After the match Kurt Angle is seen backstage with The B Team. They seem to be doing a bit where Axel talks openly about people in front of them, not realising they can hear him. He’s pissed Kurt won’t give them a tag title match, but they decide to have a B Team Memorial Day BBQ to try win over the other tag teams, hoping they will let them get a shot at the titles.

Their BBQ had a lot of items beginning with B, including “Bo-tato Chips”. They gave everyone a bit of grub, and said that it’s decided that since they are undefeated they should be #1 contenders. All the other teams surround them and say they don’t deserve a title shot. B Team say if they don’t deserve a title shot, they’re taking their food back. Cue a food fight segment in the ring, and Rhyno is just sitting and eating throughout the whole thing. After the ring clears he plays to the crowd a bit, and the B Team slide in and put him through a table. Backstage afterwards Kurt Angle announces a tag team battle royal for next week.

LASH-ING OUT

“There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate 3”

Sami Zayn issued a public apology for his interview with “the Lashley Sisters” last week. He talked about the social media backlash and how people called it “cringeworthy”. Needless to say our critique of the segment was not suitable to air on network TV. Apparently those weren’t actually Lashley’s sisters, they were men Sami hired! He says he’s sorry, but that everything he said was true. He’s trying to expose Lashley as a bully, but he’s the one getting shit over it, and he deserves better. I completely agree Sami, you deserve so much better than this shit!

Lashley comes out to interrupt him. He salutes those in the military and anyone who has family in the military. He says last week was funny, but it gets old fast, and he thinks they should settle it like men at Money in the Bank. Sami says he’s gonna Helluva Kick the smile off Lashley’s face, and they shake hands, but Lashley refuses to let go. He squeezes Sami and he oversells the shit out of it. I never thought I’d say I don’t want to watch a Sami Zayn match, but I think I don’t want to watch that Sami Zayn match.

RAW BYTES

There was an ad for Total Bellas. Nikki Bella used the line “I feel like I’m living a fake life”. That made me chuckle…

Drew McIntyre faced Chad Gable, following on from their altercation last week. Drew got the win in a dominant performance, but Gable had a decent showing too.

Corey Graves appears to have had his hair bleached even further. At this stage he seems to be trying to copy the lead singer of Sunstroke Project, the act that represented Moldova in the 2017 Eurovision

MATCH RESULTS

Finn Balor def Braun Strowman by DQ

Jinder Mahal def Seth Rollins by DQ

Deleters of Worlds def The Ascension

Kevin Owens def Bobby Roode

Drew McIntyre def Chad Gable

Nia Jax vs Some Local Talent (No Contest, I think)

Sasha Banks won Gauntlet Match to qualify for MITB

The Alleged Wrestling Podcast

While you’re here, make sure to check out ‘The Alleged Wrestling Podcast’ where we have the craic looking back over the wrestling events of the past week! (It’s also on iTunes and Stitcher and all those nice things)

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About the author: Mark Gordon - Junior Executive Vice President of Time Travel and Thermodynamics, Raw Reviewer & Liverpool fan - Gordo loves Wrestling, many types of football (American, Gaelic and Soccer), numerous other sports and Video Games. He also enjoys running through fields of wheat, and subscribes to the theory that there is a suitable Simpsons reference for every situation.