Maid of Honor Drama

I got engaged about a month ago and have been actively planning my wedding since. I am excited, in love, happier than I have ever been in my entire life! All good things right?

Well choosing my Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids seemed to be an easy enough choice for me. My older sister lets call her “Meg” and I have always been closest, and she seemed really up for it. She was honored when I decided to choose her as Maid of honor. My other sister “Janine” and I are not as close, we talk less, and she has a young baby to raise so I thought she would be better as a bridesmaid. My last Bridesmaid is my oldest and dearest friend from high school, “Samantha”.

Everyone in my life so far has been extremely supportive and excited for me. Everyone, except of course my Maid of Honor Meg. She has made snide comments when the topic of my wedding comes up. She gauked at my ring and called it “disgusting’, and thought us having 100 guests was “over the top”. I don’t in general bring up the topic of the wedding with her, because she hasn’t been into it. Instead of being mad about this, I have been more than understanding. I don’t expect anyone to be as excited as I am about our wedding. Thats ok.

So I planned a dress shopping day with my bridesmaids and my mom. I made 3 appointments at 3 seperate dress boutiques and planned for us to have a nice lunch with cocktails in between. I told all the ladies that they were not obligated to go to every appointment with me, just bring your own car if you cant stay the whole day. Everyone was more than happy to just enjoy the day together as long as it took.

Meg complained before we even left for the first appointment. She said she thought it was “ridiculous” that I planned the whole day and threw a huge fit about how she didn’t have anything good to wear and told anyone that tried to help her to “fuck off, and shut up”. I made it clear to her that the last appointment was at 3pm, so we might not be back until 4:30 at the earliest. She KNEW this. I gave her the option to bring her own car if she needed to.

During the 2nd appointment, she and my other siter started arguing while I was changing. Then when we were heading to the 3rd appointment, she started heavy complaining, and wanted us all to take her home beforehand, but everyone pointed out that I would’ve been late. She went along and was calling me a “bridezilla”. She had an angry look on her face the entire time I tried on dresses so I couldn’t even take the gowns seriously (thankfully I already found an amazing dress at the 2nd place). Then as we went to leave to head back to the 2nd place to place an order for the #1 dress. She said “no way I have to go now I have a date”. It was 3:40pm. This was 50 minutes ahead of schedule mind you.

We told her to ride with my friend Samantha who offered to drive her back, since they live down the street from eachother. She refused and forced us all to drive her back to drop her off. The care ride was silent until my other sister Janine spoke up and said “you are SO selfish, I cant believe you are doing this to kayla, on her day”. Meg unleashed, and started saying the most hurtful and cruel things to my other sister. Every other word out of her mouth was “your a f***ing bitch”. My mom and I kept telling her to stop, but she wouldn’t. Janine was torn to shreads and balling her head off by the time we dropped Meg off.

Janine decided to go home, because she was so upset. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to either of them. Then of course my mom and I had to make the treck back to the boutique in horrible traffic to order the dress. Meg kept texting me and blowing up my phone, blaming everything on Janine. I ignored her texts. Eventually she asked if I was “mad at her”. I told her I was. She flipped out at me & started insulting me, and told me she didn’t want to be a part of my wedding, and to count her out of everything.

How did this happen to me? I’ve been so nice to everyone, I thanked every one of them all day and told them how much I love all of them. I didn’t expect anyone to stay the whole day & genuinely wouldn’t have minded if they had left early. I just work 45-55 hours a week, and this was the only time that matched up with everyones schedule, am I wrong for making a day of it?

@kaylaann: It’s one day, out of a lot of days, she’s your friend, you would know if this is a normal thing for her or an isolated incident….either way, some people have a difficult time when close friends get married because it forces a closer examination of their own lives and goals…..which may not always be a good thing or easy….I would put it out of my mind, focus on good thing and from now on, Miss Nasty Britches drives herself.

@kaylaann: Is Meg waiting for a ring? She sounds exceptionally jealous.

My MOH is also my sister and she’s not so enthusastic about helping me either (Yet I listened to her go on and on and on while she was pregnant and during the first 6 months of my nephews life about pregnancy and babies etc trying to be supportive and understanding). Sisters are weird, but they’re our sisters and we love them no how much they may be assholes. My BM J, who is a close friend, is beyond excited to help with everything so I’m leaning on her as mucha s possible and leaving L (my MOH) out of it.

@kaylaann: hey Kayla! Im so sorry you had to go through that. You didnt do anything wrong at all. Your sister Meg seems to be jealous of you. Are you newly engaged? Wedding prep can bring out the best and the worst in people that are closest to you. Just keep wedding planning and find a time to have a one-on-one discussion with Meg. Make sure you check on Janine and thank her for sticking up for you.

@kaylaann: maybe your sister is going through something that’s stressing her out. sounds like she was all excited and honored to be your MOH then changed her tune suddenly. The snide comments makes it sound like she might be jealous of you getting married. You did everything you could to let everyone know they didn’t have to stay for the whole day.

Thank you all ladies for your supportive comments. My sister has been going through a bad time for her entire life so far. I know that is why she is having a hard time with this, because she recently broke up with her boyfriend-he was a jerk. I supported her through the whole process, and talked her through everything. Every fight, every dissapointment. I have been taking care of her with her issues with men, our entire adult lives. I was dragging her out of bars away from guys that were trying to take advantage of her, before I was even 21.

I know her history, and her heartbreaks like it happened to me-thats how much I love and care for her. So I have tried so hard to be understanding and sensitive to her & not bring up “the wedding” too much. I have told her she can be a part of whatever she wants. I don’t expect to be doted on the entire time, I am doing a lot on my own for my wedding, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just wanted my best friend, my sister to be there for me in her own way. I don’t expect her to jump for joy everyday. I just thought she could behave herself for a day.

Now she wont even talk to me and doesn’t want to be a part of my wedding. This is a complete nightmare.

Unacceptable behavior is, well unacceptable and she should be ashamed of herself. I do not care how miserable a person is they can suck it up for one freaking day and behave themselves, specially for their sister. You don’t sound like a crazy bridezilla nor were you being unreasonable.

Please do not beat yourself up, you might want her there on your day but if this is a precurser to future behavior do you want to deal with it consistantly? I’d wait and not give in to her temper tantrum, sounds like she’s been enabled a bit to much, and try to have an adult conversation with her. Don’t beg, plead or say your sorry. Ask her if she wants to reconsider and be in the wedding (if you want). Otherwise, hope she can come as a guest.

I had huge wedding party drama, so I feel like I have a place to speak from, and yes it was sister drama that was similar to yours. Hope it works out for you, you deserve to have your sister stand by your side 🙂

@greymonkey42: I totally understood that not everyone was going to be able to allocate the entire day, and go to every appointment. Thats why I made a point to prep everyone that they are welcome to spend as much time as they would like that day. I told everyone that they can come to one, two, or all three of the appointments if they choose. It was completely up to them, as long as they drove separately, it would be fine with me.

Everyone else was more than happy to go for the entire thing. She was the only one who had an issue, but she instead decided to ride with us and she sprung that she had a date to get ready for at the last minute and forced us to drive her all the way home. My other sister had to pay her baby sitter for an extra hour because of this. My mom and I had to sit in bumper to bumper traffic because of her. You know what though? I totally would have gotten over it if she didn’t unleash defcon 5 and attacked my other sister in the car. Now she has put me in the worst position possible because the last thing she said to me was that she doesn’t want to be a part of the wedding anymore.

It has been 3 days now and she still hasn’t contacted me. I have no idea what to do now. Now I have no Maid of Honor, now my best friend in the whole world-my sister wont even speak to me. I cannot even begin to understand her reasoning for this. I cant get why she would be all enthusiastic about being the maid of honor, and then decide she wants nothing to do with the wedding?

@kaylaann: Sorry to hear about this! I can somewhat relate as I haven’t always gotten along with my older sister (who is my MOH, and I was her MOH for her wedding), but as we’ve gotten older our relationship as sisters has also turned into a friendship. Also, if my sister pulled a stunt like this in front of my mother, my mom would have put her in her place the second she opened her mouth!

If I were you, I would ask her to step down as a bridal party attendant. Maybe you can ask the other 2 girls to be your Maids of Honour (you can have two!–pick one to sign the marriage license, and one to be partnered with the best man and stand beside you). Your sister seems to be showing her true colours during this time. Wedding planning is stressful and the last thing you need is additional stress and negativity. She is in the wrong and deep down she knows. It’s going to be hard, but ignore her negative comments and snide remarks. The less interaction you have with her during this time, the better!!!

Well if that’s the case forget her. Do you really want someone, no matter how close you are to them, who acts like that at your wedding. She’s not worth the worry. She sounds very immature. If she really cared about you she would have acted differently or at least apologized.

i would really prefer not have the added stress of this for sure. Honestly, i hear other girls complain on the bee boards about their MOH’s being absent, not helping plan or pay for anything (which is not cool either really). I would gladly take that over this.

I am fine with planning, working for, and paying for most of everything. I not okay with my sister, who is suppost to be my best friend, completely sabotaging my day. She has put me in the worst position possible. If she is really out, I wont have a MOH. That is heartbreaking considering how close we are. We talk EVERYDAY. And now she has cut herself out of my wedding and were not speaking. I cant imagine anything worse than this.

She has literally broken my heart. I love my sister, and despite her atrocious behavior I really wanted her by my side. What a shame.

@MsGinkgo: I was thinking the same thing, very immature chick she is!!

Im a waiting bee and I had 2 friends get engaged before me, even though I have been with my SO longer, but I would NEVER act like that. I am also not petty enough to be “jealous” when other people have good fortune with something like that. Now if my man doesnt propose in 20 years and my goddaughter gets married first….THEN I would get mad. Lol

@kaylaann: I am so sad to hear about this, and I agree with PrincessPerry. She’s acting in an unacceptable manner. This wedding is to celebrate YOU & YOUR FI, and the start of your married life together. It is NOT an appropriate place for your sister to project her grievances. You were honest about the arrangements of the day ahead of time and gave her every opportunity to bring her own car & make her own way home when she needed to be there. You did everything on your end to make sure that the people joining you for the activities were prepared. You cannot take it on yourself that she decided to act immaturely. I believe that her break-up probably has a lot to do with her actions, but that is NO EXCUSE for rude, nasty, behavior.She is being petty and childish.

I’m sorry that she isn’t talking to you, but since this is the way she has decided to act, maybe it is going to be better for you in the end if she isn’t your MOH? Your MOH should be someone you can rely on for help, guidance and advice. It should not be someone whose ego you are constantly having to stroke, or have to listen to her insults/negativity.

I would leave her alone for the time being. Focus on your day and your happiness with your FI. You need someone by your side who will wipe away your tears, not cause them.