What Every Hero in the Marvel Universe Would Be as Food

The Avengers are ready to serve up some justice in the most savory way possible.

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On May 6,Captain America: Civil War will officially arrive in theaters to please all the Marvel film geeks out there (myself included). We’re celebrating this momentous occasion by combining our two favorite things: food and superheroes.

Iron Man – Champagne

Photo by Tarika Narain

A intricate power suit of armor, a badass tower named after himself, and a whole lot of Benjamins. Tony Stark has it all, dishing out new inventions one half of his day and the other half fighting crime as Iron Man. He’s a bit snobby and a bit preppy at times. But isn’t that why we love him?

The fancy man’s alcohol, champagne, is popped when celebrating, just like how Iron Man lives his life every day: festively, and with plenty of flair. However, similar to how drinking a little to much can get you tipsy, Iron Man can be way over his head with his ideas sometimes.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

Captain America – Buffalo Wings

Photo by Lauren Beane

A’mericuh! Captain American is the walking embodiment of the U.S.A., serving and protecting all of us with his mighty shield and mighty good looks.

What food better represents America than buffalo wings? Like the many different sauces that coat wings, Captain America can also can have very conflicting personalities. Whether it’s sticking with his original allegiances or fighting alongside with his rogue buddy, Bucky, we love it all.

Photo courtesy of quickmeme.com

Thor – Grapefruit

Photo by Paulina Lam

Thor is the God of Thunder, electrifying competition with his dazzling good looks and his massive hammer.

Grapefruit can create an electric current, meaning it can power up different things. Also, like grapefruit, which can be pretty sour at times, Thor was introduced as a fierce warrior with a bitter personality. Put some sugar on that grapefruit (or put some other heroes and friends to help him out) and he’s quite the guy to hang around with.

Photo courtesy of smosh.com

The Incredible Hulk – Spinach

Photo by Kelda Baljon

You lift, bro? Because Bruce Banner doesn’t, yet he transforms himself into the Hulk and screws you up, with no remorse for your bruised body.

Spinach has a fair amount of protein in it, and if you have someone like Bruce Banner, you need that protein to maintain that buff demeanor. Also, spinach is green and the Hulk is green. So yeah. There you go.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

Black Widow – Cherries

Photo courtesy of awesomz.com

Black Widow don’t give a flying fadoodle about nobody — she’s going to get her work done. While she may seem innocent with just a pistol and no actual super powers, her fighting ability and incredible wit is not anything to joke about.

Cherries may just seem like things that you put on top of the milkshake for aesthetic looks, but they are actually one of the many foods out there that are originally poisonous in the seeds and pip. So watch out for both of these things because they’re a lot more dangerous than you’d think.

GIF courtesy of GIPHY.com

Hawkeye – Artificial Fruit Juice

Photo courtesy of theguardian.com

Don’t get me wrong. I actually love Hawkeye, just maybe as a regular person and not a hero. He shoots arrows straight. And has a seemingly unlimited supply of them in every movie. Like, how does he not run out? That’s pretty good for the Olympics, maybe, but not to save the world.

I love artificial fruit juice. It almost makes me feel healthy drinking that rather than soda. But is it really that healthy with all that artificial sugar added in and not a lot of real fruit juice in it? I think I enjoy both Hawkeye and artificial juice for the reasons they were not intended to be.

Photo courtesy of quickmeme.com

The Winter Soldier – Sugarplums

Photo courtesy of huffingtonpost.com

Bucky, aka the Winter Soldier, is quite a mystery when it comes to figuring out his role in the future movies (unless you’ve read the comics, and then you know what’s about to go down). We can’t seem to find his true intentions during his confused state of mind, but we’re excited to see what he does.

Scarlet Witch – Sriracha

Photo courtesy of huffingtonpost.com

Don’t mess with Scarlet Witch or she just might pick at your brain with some reality warping and manipulation.

Sriracha is definitely something that can catch you off-guard, unless you’re one to handle your spices well. If not, then you might be caught up in a unfortunate surprise of burns on your tongue. Also, let’s be honest: actress Elizabeth Olsen is straight-up HOT.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

Ant-Man – Dinosaur Chicken Nuggets

Photo courtesy of tumblr.com

If you haven’t watched the movie or follow the comics, the hero may seem like a very, very late April Fool’s joke to you. And yes, the concept is funny. However, the character himself still kicks ass.

Dinosaur chicken nuggets. You might think of it as a joke now since we’re all big adults and all. But hey, don’t mess with the dinosaur chicken nuggets! They still provide both fun and nutrition to me at least, just like Ant-Man.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

Falcon – Coffee

Photo by Lyndsi Ibarra

Falcon, as sick as he is, goes through a lot of annoying things in his life, such as handling Ant-Man at base and not getting a lot of faith from his peeps when he came out with the Falcon character.

Coffee can definitely help with getting through long days and nights on duty, but it also is pretty bitter. Falcon can relate: a hard worker who puts in the hours but can be pretty spiteful when provoked.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

War Machine – Jack Daniels Whiskey

Photo courtesy of liquor-locker.com

War Machine, in my opinion, is probably one of the most BAMF heroes of all time. The man has guns mounted all over his fully-armored body and is ready to go HAM on the competition.

A nice cup of Jack Daniel’s Whiskey straight down the hatchet is something that you can definitely imagine War Machine drinking on his down time while he’s not being a total badass on the field of battle.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

Vision – Salmon

Photo by Jonathan Chan

Bruh, can we all agree that Vision is broken, in the sense that he is way too powerful for the Marvel audience’s own good? Superhuman intelligence, strength, speed, flight, intangibility, solar power projection. That’s only a few of the powers he has so, yeah, maybe a bit too strong?

You want to talk about some superfoods? Salmon is your answer. Omega 3 fatty acids, low calorie count, a buttload of protein. Salmon is the superfood that we all need, but don’t deserve. Just like Vision, salmon can arguably be one of the top foods in the world based off health and nutritious value.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

Black Panther – Oyster

Photo by Zara Toh

Black Panther, at the moment, still confuses us on what his true intentions are. But based off what we saw in the new trailers, he is there to put in some work and we definitely like what we see.

Oysters have strange looks and we have our questions. At the same time, we like eating them. Also, it happens to be a very common aphrodisiac, a symbol that Black Panther might cater to. I mean, look at Black Widow’s eyes in the GIF below: she’s interested in what she sees.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

Spider-Man – Marshmallow

Photo courtesy of mycareertopia.com

Everyone’s friendly neighborhood hero has made his dramatic entrance in the new trailer for the upcoming film. He has the same cunning, shrewd, and witty personality (based off the two words he said) that we have come to appreciate over the years.

We can say the same about marshmallows: nice, fluffy, sugary balls of goodness in our lives. Sticky and white like Spidey’s web as well, marshmallows have always been delicious nourishment in our bodies.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

Nick Fury – Salt

Photo courtesy of takepart.com

The man himself. Nick mother-flipping Fury. The people’s champ. The leader of the Avengers. And who else would better play such a role other than Samuel L. Jackson? Say what, again? What Nick Fury says typically goes because he really doesn’t care about your opinion and he knows he’s right.

Therefore, people can sometimes can get pretty salty about what Nick Fury has got to say. But then again, does that even matter? You listen to what Nick Fury has to say and then you do what he tells you to. There is no question to it.

GIF courtesy of giphy.com

Guardians of the Galaxy – Thanksgiving Dinner

Photo by Parisa Soraya

Star Lord, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, Rocket, and Groot. All different personalities, but one team. Although their second movie is still in the process, it would be wrong to not mention such a lit crew among the people on the list.

Due to the long list of individuals, I think it would only make sense to give thanks to such a great cast through the representation of Thanksgiving dinner (see what I did there?). There’s a lot of emotion and character in all of these individuals, but they all come as one to the dinner table to serve up a lot of nice flavors for us.