Sports fan. Connoisseur of good music (especially on vinyl). Consumer of the finest craft beers. Environmental activist. History geek. Dudeist Priest. Hunter S. Thompson junkie. And I write a little. Mostly though, I’m a dad. But I am unlike my dad. I am still the breadwinner, but laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, hugging, crying, disciplining and nurturing are also part of my routine. I am a domestic machine…I am, like many dads of my generation, The Domestic Warrior.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

The Future for Griffin, Gruden, Snyder & the “R” Word

Appeared on Football.com in June 2014

By Ronald N. Guy Jr.

I’m obsessed with OTAs. Football players in shorts, stars
nursing faux hamstring injuries and coaches obsessing over calisthenics and
pigskin-level position drills five months before week one gets me juiced. These
are critical times in a football team’s life. Nail it in June, or else.

My sarcasm cup overflows. While it is good to see players
between the lines and someone other than Mike Shanahan at ‘Skins press
conferences, it’s June, man. June. OTAs just aren’t that compelling and don’t
produce a treasure trove of burning hot issues that beg for coverage. I can
feel Peyton Manning shaking a disappointed head at my disrespect for a properly
executed route tree in the spring. Forgive my simple football mind, Sheriff
Manning. And pardon me reader for not breaking down a knee brace-less but still
arm-sleeved Robert Griffin III’s altered footwork and arm angle, Chuckie (Jon
Gruden) crashing Little Chuckie’s (Jay’s) practice or a riveting punter battle.

Instead I’m pulling out my crystal ball, tarot cards, ouija
board and Magic 8-ball and offering incremental look-aheads for the most
compelling people and the most fascinating issue gripping the capital city’s
professional football team. I tend to run long, so let’s jump in. Forgive my
pessimism, in advance.

Robert Griffin III

Six months from present…

How was the turkey? Dry? Gravy lumpy? Pumpkin pie soggy? I
agree. At least the yeast rolls and mashed potatoes were money. Oh, and the
beer – the one consistent joy this fall – was and remains cold.

Sounds like Turkey Day dinner – uneven and disappointing -
was something of culinary synonym for RGIII’s season. He had his moments with
DeSean Jackson and Pierre Garcon, but ‘Skins fans and fantasy owners were left
wanting. Only playing 12 games didn’t help. So it goes with the crash test
dummy quarterback. Kirk Cousins played well but not often enough, all in all,
to establish himself as a legitimate resource or lose the romantic mysticism
swirling around The Backup Quarterback.

A year from present…

Another offseason brings another round of misplaced
marketing pitches and peculiar headlines. Why, Robert, can’t you be satisfied
with silence? Boring is okay. In fact, it’s recommended. Think about it, big guy.
For confirmation, give AFC Champion Andrew Luck a call. I’m certain he’s
available (assuming there’s a phone in his personal film room).

The upcoming season, Griffin’s fourth, is a career fulcrum.
Will he earn a lucrative extension to his rookie deal, or not? Adidas says yes.
RGII isn’t sure but he’d love the opportunity to add special clauses to the
contract addressing unallowable plays, parental access to the locker room and
mandatory father-coach post-game chats. Yikes.

Five years from present…

Can we just admit it’s over? It was periodically fun,
frustrating and disappointing; however, it – the Robert Griffin III experience
- was always compelling. Sound familiar? We’ve done this before, D.C. Alexander
Ovechkin proved to be more scorer than winner, Bryce Harper hasn’t quite become
the clone of Mickey Mantle and RGIII is more Michael Vick than Steve Young. So
the verdict is in, okay? Only delusional fools dismiss seven seasons of data.
Don’t be a delusional fool.

Of course he’s still “only” 29 – prime vintage for
quarterbacks. But RGIII has been ridden hard and put away wet, bruised and
broken too many times. His crutch, his ejection handle – that fabulous
athleticism – is fading fast. Now he has to win games from the pocket.
Confident? Me either. Ah what could have been…

Rebuttal: Robert Griffin III is a force of positive energy
and determination. I sense a battle between the blindingly bright-lighted
quarterback and the gloomy fog beseeching Washington, D.C. sports. What force –
good or ill – will win this struggle? I’m betting on the gloom (my head) but
rooting for the inspiring quarterback (my heart).

Jay Gruden

Six months from present…

I like this guy. Funny. Quirky. Goofy but serious. Equal
parts football grunt and pigskin intellectual. His predecessor was an arrogant
curmudgeon, and Gruden might become that after a few more years of accepting
checks from Daniel Snyder, but for now football in D.C. is fun again – if not
sufficiently successful.

A year from present…

Well, if nothing else, Jay learned to get along with Robert
and the entourage residing on the quarterback’s coattails. If he had any shot
at longevity, endearing himself to Team Griffin was Job number-1. As Shanahan
learned, in this and most NFL towns, the starting quarterback has more clout
than the head coach. But besides all that, the reality vault reveals that
Gruden won seven games, three more than 2013. And what’s this? He has a first
round pick to deploy next year!!! That’s enough for Snyder to justify a cheesy
marketing campaign that alludes to a Super Bowl run. Stop the presses…please.

Five years from present…

If your team is searching for a head coach, pray Jay Gruden
is on the short list. After three years and one playoff appearance in
Washington, Gruden was controversially whacked by an owner searching for, well,
something unapparent to rational minds. Not surprisingly he re-established his
good name while doing the offensive coordinator thing again; but with stronger
ownership and less organizational drama, he should be a fine coach. Gruden
exited D.C. a martyr and with the expectation of NFL re-birth and success. His
time is now. The prophecy is about to unfold.

Rebuttal: Why would Gruden last? No one has under Snyder.
Joe Gibbs is the only coach under Snyder that authored his departure. However,
if Gruden can get the most out of the team’s significant offensive assets,
create a strong bond with Griffin and, above all else, consistently field a
winner, he might be afforded a leash as long as the one somehow enjoyed by
Vinny Cerrato.

Daniel Snyder

Six months from
present…

Has anyone seen
Daniel Snyder? The interviews with national newspapers, defiant emails and any
other direct contact with the nickname controversy have ended. This, of course,
is a welcomed development. Maybe those high-priced consultants he hired over
the summer were worth the coin. The ‘Skins have never been a smooth running
operation during Snyder’s ownership, but the organization has been
semi-competent only when the owner disappears from public view. The truth can
be brutal.

A year from present…

Snyder’s steaming.
The name thing just won’t go away. He’s thinking, “What is wrong with these
people? Why are they thinking for themselves? I’ve given them the answer: the
name is a sign of respect and rich football tradition. There’s only one thing
to do: go on the offensive. Call the press. Call the president. Poke a senator.
Reinvigorate the Original Americans Foundation. Create a new foundation, if
necessary. Bruce…schedule a press conference and get Goodell on the phone.”
Uh-oh…

Five years from
present…

Snyder’s been the
owner for 20 mostly miserable years. Here’s the pathetic statistical summary:
three division titles and playoff wins; nine head coaches; zero NFC or Super
Bowl championships; and countless embarrassing moments, including finally
falling on his sword and changing the team’s name.

Wins, losses and bad
contracts aside, letting the “R” word slip through his fingers and into
oblivion must have bothered Snyder most. In the end, it didn’t matter what we
thought; change was advanced by his sponsors (his financial foundation). Papa
John’s was the first to bail and passive-aggressive pressure from the league
increasing. But losing FedEx, the brand on his football mansion, and not finding
another suitor was too difficult for even Snyder to ignore.

Rebuttal: What,
defend Snyder? You want me to come up with a scenario where he advances the
organization’s cause during any significant increment of time? You’re talking
crazy. Shut your mouth. Just read.

The Name

Six months from now…

I used to read a Care Bears book to my daughter years ago.
Its lesson – written around the metaphor of trouble bubbles - was to address
your problems honestly and proactively. Don’t let them linger, ferment and
swell into something massive, ominous and precarious. Pop your trouble bubbles
early, it advised. Snyder never encountered this sage advice of Care Bears, or
he simply ignored it, because the nickname trouble bubble floated over the
franchise all season. Someone hand the man a needle.

A year from present…

It might be starting to sink in. No matter what Snyder,
Bruce Allen or any former ‘Skin says, this issue will plague the organization
and increasingly impact operations until someone gets a clue and figures out
that it’s just not worth the fight. Players are starting to speak out, media
members are abandoning the name with greater frequency and the fan base is
starting to fracture. Call them Washington Pride or the Federals. I’m sure a
deal could be struck with the junior hockey team using the former name or any
rights the USFL might still have the latter. Adorn them in some radical, red,
white and blue threads and new-school helmet. The “R” word isn’t even organic
to Washington; it was inherited from Boston. Whatever. Just pick something.
Call them anything but…

Five years from present…

I already gave it away. The “R” word was laid to rest two
years ago. And guess what happened? Nothing. The NFL rolled on and the team
kept playing games in a packed house. In fact, it was such a non-event the only
open question is why on earth it took so long? Mr. Snyder, care to clarify?

Rebuttal: There is no counterpoint. A name change is
inevitable. I know it. You know it. In time, Snyder and all those blinded by
nostalgia and misled by emotion will too.

That’s how I see the future for Robert, Jay, Dan and the “R”
word. Rationale dissenting arguments or wild, baseless expressions of outrage
are welcome.