"The Great Debate" - A Drag/NET Story
By Arthur Levesque -- http://DammitJa.net/text
"With two weeks left until election day, this is the final debate of Rhode
Island's gubernatorial candidates. Seated to the right, naturally, is
Republican Governor Edward Diprete. Beside him is Providence Major Joe Paolino,
the endorsed Democratic candidate. On the far-left is Bruce Sundlun, running as
an Independant after failing to get the Democratic Party's nod at the
convention. Finally, in the middle, is Arthur Levesque, a dark-horse candidate
whose name does not appear on the ballot, but whom polls say has a slight lead
over the other three candidates." As the announcer introduces them, each
candidate rises and bows. "Mr. Sundlun, you won the coin toss in back, so you
get to ask the first question. Mr. Levesque lost, so he will be the recipient
of your first question."
"Thank you, Mr. Moderator," Bruce Sundlun said, as the camera closed in on
his face, then panned back to include Arthur Levesque in the shot. "Mr.
Levesque, if that is your real name," Sundlun began, "isn't it true that you
also go by several aliases, such as 'The Electric Monk'?"
"Electric Monk?" repeated Paolino, confused.
"Did he say 'Electric Monk'?" asked Diprete.
"SNARF!" said Arthur, grabbing the moderator's mike stand and impaling
Sundlun in the chest with it.
"Untraditional response by Mr. Levesque there," the Moderator stammered,
then looked to the judges for a decision. The judges signalled the Moderator.
"Well," continued the Moderator, "it looks like Mr. Levesque's response was
within the established rules. Mr. Sundlun now has two minutes for rebuttal."
(Two minutes of silence.)
"It's certainly not like Mr. Sundlun to throw away two minutes of free air
time, but we must move on. Mr. Levesque, it is now your turn to direct a
question to another candidate."
"GROWF?" grunted Arthur, turning to look at the other two candidates.
"I hereby resign my candidacy for governor," Diprete quickly announced.
"Ditto," gasped Paolino, as he quickly followed Diprete out of the studio.
The moderator, left with the man/thing destined to be the next governor, merely
took a couple of steps back and declared, "Well, this appears to have been one
of the shortest political debates ever held. We will now broadcast three Monty
Python episodes to fill our remaining alloted time."
THE END