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Love yourself and the world will follow suit.

I will ramble on until the world is done.

– We can eat out or eat in. We could also go out or stay in. But we only work out. Twice as much language goes to things with half as much effort behind them.

– I plugged a cord into a fjord because I was bored. Okay, not really. I just wanted to say that.

– Someday I will have a front row seat at my own concert. When I fail to appear on stage I will then proceed to start a riot.

– I went grocery shopping a long time ago. Now I have to go twice a week or so. It’s becoming a habit.

– Anybody up for planting some time capsules with all sorts of notes detailing completely fake information about how we didn’t have any technology until 1993 when all electronics were introduced to us by people from the future and any advancements since were simply them giving us more details as a social experiment? Sounds like a good first date.

– I was at the bar eating a Snickers bar with my main man Barbar when I noticed I only had one bar left on my phone. My identity was mistaken and I was barred from the bar as I was throw quite far into a car with a single door ajar. I was attacked by a pirate yelling “Yarrr!” and I fought him off with a hearty “Har har.”. The police threw me in jail and now I’m behind a locked door thingie with a lot of steel cylindrical barriers.

– Good friends may kiss your ass from time to time, but best friends will kick your ass when you need it the most.

– If you have room in your purse/shoulder bag (aka ‘Man Purse’) for a grocery bag, do yourself a favour and just huff one in there. You never know when you’ll need to carry a wet object or something. Plus, now that some stores are charging for bags, you can save some nickels this way!

– If you have to proclaim that you’re something, it usually isn’t true. A trait is something that shines through and is seen by other people, not something you proclaim that you have. Nice people don’t have to claim to be as such, calling yourself cool is a sure sign you aren’t, etc. With that said, I’m a freaking global phenomenon.