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Author Zane may best be known for her tell-it-like-it-is erotic fiction, but she also realizes that when it comes to committed relationships in the black community, there is a serious problem.

The problem as Zane sees it is twofold: The new era of black men seem to prefer to explore their options instead of settling down, and women have become so accustomed to being single that it's hard for them to commit.

Zane, 45 - considered the black Dr. Ruth - is the author of 27 books. She was in Milwaukee Sept. 12 to promote her latest book, "Z-Rated: Chocolate Flava 3," the third installment in her New York Times bestselling series. She is the daughter of a preacher and an elementary school teacher.

After autographing several hundred books and taking pictures with fans, she talked to me about the complicated problem of commitment.

In the 1960s and '70s, commitment was not a problem for black families because African-Americans were the most married race. Today, black women are the least married of all races.

Leaders in the black community, especially those in religious circles, say the lack of strong black families, where the father is in the home and/or involved in the upbringing of his children, has contributed to the breakdown in the black community.

How do you teach a 16-year-old black boy how to be a man when his father was never around? How do you tell a 17-year-old black girl how to choose between a good guy and bad guy when she hasn't seen many examples of a healthy relationship?

My friends often say we may be the last generation of African-Americans in which kids came from a traditional family unit.

Today, Zane said, so many black children are growing up in single-parent households that they don't know what a real relationship is supposed to look like.

"We are creatures of habit, so we follow the lead of what we see our parents do," Zane said. "If no one is there to show a child the way, then the pattern will continue."

The problem cannot be fixed by simply saying that everyone should get married, because most single people have a long list of what they want in a mate but seldom know what they need.

"Too often, people look for traits in a mate that they don't possess themselves, and a lot of people get into relationships when they are not prepared to be in them," she said.

Vanessa Johnson, 34, of Milwaukee, who attended the book signing, said relationships come down to transparency and a lot of people do not reveal who they really are.

"As a single mom, I'm just looking for someone who is real. My friends are, too. We don't want you to pretend to be someone who you think we want you to be," she said.

It starts with communication and is built up through trust and hard work.

Johnson said when she attended a relationship retreat at a church to talk about relationship building, there was only one "couple" in attendance. The rest were single ladies or women in relationships who want to make them better.

It takes both sexes to make a relationship strong, and while I give kudos to women who have been holding it down by raising the children and taking care of the home the best way that they can, if a strong man is involved, it makes their work a bit easier.

Studies also show that when a child is raised in a home with two loving parents, they do better in school, relationships and life.

Zane said she tries to focus on strong relationships in her books. Aside from the hot sex tales, Zane's female characters are either strong at the beginning of the book, and they help to make others stronger or they go through a transformation in which they become empowered by the end of the book.

"We all have that ability to be empowered and strong, but it starts in us," she said.

The black community needs to find ways to make strong relationships sexy again, and the black church should continue to be a part of the conversation by promoting those who have had successful marriages.

If we are creatures of habit, we just need to see more successful examples.