Forbes columnist Steven Salzberg and author-investigator Joe Nickell will each be awarded the 2012 Robert P. Balles Prize in Critical Thinking, to be presented by the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry at the CFI Summit in October.

Syntax Error

February 2, 2011

Correct language is not so correct...

In an effort to understand
the January 2011 shootings in Tucson, Arizona, the media took an interest
in the online presence of the accused, Jared Lee Loughner. He had posted
a series of YouTube videos in which he made some unorthodox claims about
language. These ramblings included, “The government is implying mind
control and brainwash on the people by controlling grammar. You control
your English grammar structure.”1

This
brought to light the beliefs of conspiracy theorist David Wynn Miller,
the inventor of Correct Language. Miller devised Correct Language as
a method of writing and speaking while navigating the legal system that
supposedly “protects people from the government.”

Although
it appears his theories were influential to Loughner’s ideology, Miller
has not been implicated in the murders. Let’s leave aside Loughner
and take a closer look at David Wynn Miller, who prefers to be known
as Judge :David-Wynn: Miller.

Judge
:David-Wynn: Miller

Miller is a retired tool and
die welder, but in his own words he is an educator, ambassador, postmaster,
legal scholar, plenipotentiary-judge, the king of Hawaii, and a genius.
Miller claims he was crowned king of Hawaii in 1996 after turning
Hawaii into a verb.2 The bizarre story of how he became
a “genius” is shared testimonial-style on his website :David-Wynn:
Miller Quantum and Syntax Language Truth Seekers:

[At age 25] David had a
kidney disorder that required surgery however the doctor scheduled to
operate on the day of surgery was unavailable, and at the last minute
was replaced by a Korean doctor who had never operated on any human
before, a complete novice. To cut a long story short, the Korean doctor
read David’s chart incorrectly and surgically removed both kidney’s
including the adrenal glands - David died on the operating table.

In the Morgue the nurse
assisting the autopsy noticed David’s heart, which at this stage was
lying on the outside of his body on his chest unsevered, incredulously
the heart began to beat! He came back from the dead? Well, yes he did
with an IQ of 200 .......go figure.

The doctors put him back
together again, including his perfectly healthy kidney, alive, however
now he has 6 times the amount of endorphins you and I have, and so the
saga continued.3

The
resurrectional, Mensa-worthy, endorphin-packed Miller also promotes
“health products.” He sells “zappers” for people and their pets
that “wake up your immune system FAST.” These low-voltage frequency
generators were popularized by (naturopathic doctor) Hulda Clark, author
of The Cure for All Diseases. It is claimed that zappers kill
parasites, bacteria, viruses, and cancer. In short—you guessed it—“all
diseases.” These devices, which supposedly encourage “self health,”
are dangerously promoted as an inexpensive and pro-active alternative
to visiting a medical doctor.

Miller’s
website is a sanctuary for conspiracy theorists and promotes (mis)information
about chemtrails, cancer cures, UFOs, government exposés, the New World
Order, the 2012 “catastrophe,” and the “truth” about vaccinations,
aspartame, fluoride, and 9/11. But his specialty is his own product,
Correct Language.

Correct Language

Miller developed an interest
in language and the law following an unsuccessful custody suit (or sixty-seven).

In 1982 David appeared
in court self represented for custody of his children. He lost 67 times,
exasperated he said to the Judge “If I say white, you say black. If
I say black, you say white. I can’t ever win!” the Judge replied
“That is correct David, you can’t win in this court” David retorted
“So this is all about Language and how it is interpreted” With a
wry smile the Judge replies “That is right David, has there ever been
a war over a mathematical problem?” As the Judge stood to leave the
room David responds “So if I could prove that Language had a mathematical
interface, I would win?” the Judge turns around, faces David and says
“You’re a smart man David, you’ll figure it out” and leaves.4

Miller
concluded that the world’s governments and legal systems are deceptive
and that “The English Language Has Been Deliberately Modified to Enslave
Us!” He embarked on a search for a method to circumvent deception
in language, spending a reputed 59,000 hours studying historical linguistics,
the evolution of language. He concluded that the world’s languages
are all fiction: “Tirelessly researching Language globally, on the
6th of April 1988 [Miller] cracked the code. His research took him back
8500 years prior, when it became apparent this was the beginning of
Language being bastardised.”

These
claims are not substantiated, but it seems that Miller believes that
linguistic evolution is a form of corruption and further believes that
he has identified a time where there was some sort of pure language.
Trying to “fix the language,” he created Correct Language, also
known as Quantum Language, Syntax Sentencing, or the Mathematical Interface
for Language. Miller reports that Correct Language is “based on mathematics
and maritime law” because “Earth is a vessel in a sea of space.”

After
a Messiah-like resurrection, superhuman levels of endorphins, sixty-seven
court hearings, and 59,000 hours of research, you might be thinking
that Miller’s method is hyperbole, but it is based in altering the
syntax, punctuation, and even spelling of English.

If You Thought Legalese
Was Bad…

Miller’s other website, :JUDGE: DAVID-WYNN:
MILLER, is written
entirely in Correct Language. The site includes pages of examples and
features a Quantum Dictionary of his interpretations of legal definitions.
It also provides information about scams, secrets, a global faith, UFO
sightings, and a woman who falsely claims to be Miller’s wife. But
the most striking feature of the website is its syntax and the fact
that the typing is often in bolded all-capitalized letters.

Miller
claims “there is no ambiguity in Quantum Language,” but the writing
and speech style is incomprehensible. Here is a typical example of his
incoherent, obsessive-compulsive text:

FOR THE CORRECT-SENTENCE-STRUCTURE-COMMUNICATION-SYNTAX-LANGUAGE-CLAIMS
OF THESE STYLES IS WITH THE CLAIM OF THE COPYRIGHT/COPYCLAIM WITH OF
READING AND WRITING AND SPEAKING WITH A MATHEMATICAL-QUANTUM-SYNTAX
OF THE FACTS-AS-FACTS WITH THE NOW-TIME.5

This stuff makes legalese look
like a Little Golden Book.

Miller
states that the goal of Correct Language is “To educate the planet
and put an end to the harvesting of the people, through the Fraudulent
conveyance of Language!” He even claims his “truth language technology”
can end wars and bring consensus to religion. In Correct Language he
explains this as “for the stopping-claims of the Theft, Cheating,
Fraud, Slavery and War.”

Miller’s
nonsensical “language” is an artificial dialect of English that
employs the vocabulary of English, including its syntax words. It contains
the grammatical terms of English, but it does not apply the same grammar.
In other words, Correct Language uses the same words but in a different
word order.

Features
of Correct Language include the capitalization of all letters at times
and either the capitalization of all nouns (as is used in German) or
of some nouns for emphasis. Miller believes that only nouns have legal
meaning. Miller occasionally uses definite articles before nouns, e.g.,
“the math” (as is used in French). He defies the traditional structure
of English by beginning each sentence with a prepositional phrase, usually
“for the.” He also uses punctuation differently, especially hyphens
and colons, which he includes in proper names. In Miller’s own words:

The reason I use a full
colon and a hyphen in my name, the first full colon, which is full colon
David, it means for the David hyphen Wynn. That’s my given name, and
it’s also a noun, because it uses a prepositional phrase. ... Because
I use prepositional phrases, through punctuation, which is classified
as hieroglyphics, which makes me a life, l-i-f-e. Now, when you don’t
punctuate your name ... David is an adjective, Wynn is an adjective,
Miller is a pronoun. Two adjectives are a condition of modification,
opinion, presumption, which modifies the pronoun, pro means no on noun.
So therefore, I’m not a fact. I’m a fiction.6

“David Wynn Miller,” however
you want to type it, is a proper noun.

Miller
prefers to use sentences that contain more than thirteen words. He deliberately
misspells words; this is reminiscent of numerology, whose proponents
believe that names have power and that altering their spelling can attract
luck. It’s like feng shui for language. But if Correct Language is
so effective, why is Miller’s main website written in standard U.S.
English?

Judgment Day

The “Plenipotentiary Judge”
claims the main application for Correct Language is as a technical language
for use in the legal system, mostly as a form of legal defense: “[Correct
Language] arms us with the knowledge/power to have all our words, especially
in contracts or any legal documentation inarguably correct! Quantum
Language is the technology that will raise global consciousness which
has been suppressed by Western Society!”7

Miller
is known as a “common law guru,” and he presents himself as an amateur
attorney. He offers consultations and makes court appearances with clients,
charging one hundred dollars per hour (with a minimum of three hours).
However, the courtroom is no place for his cryptic code. Examples of
his legal advice include: Words that start with vowels and are followed
by two consonants means “no contract.” When colons and hyphens are
used in a name, they magically transform an individual into an object;
therefore, you are no longer taxable.

With
their tax-free guarantee, his techniques have been seized by clients
accused of financial crimes—mostly tax evasion, bank fraud, and mortgage
scams. Miller targets the most vulnerable sections of society, including
people embroiled in custody disputes and bankruptcy proceedings and
communities pursuing land rights claims.8

Unsurprisingly,
all of the cases in which Miller has provided counsel have been woefully
unsuccessful. A naturopath in Calgary went to jail for contempt of court
for addressing a judge in Miller’s Correct Language.9 On
Miller’s advice, a woman accused of child abuse claimed her “sovereignty
group,” the Hawaiian Kingdom Government (i.e., King Miller), had declared
her innocent. She was sentenced to prison anyway.10 A client
in Australia was coached to argue that “the indictments were ‘not
written in the correct sentence structure communication syntax language’
and thus the case should be struck out.”11 This case resulted
in the magistrate ordering that the defendant undergo psychiatric assessment.
Miller’s proponents labeled this a victory.

We Can’t
Handle the Truth

For his troublemaking, Miller
has been refused entry to Canada twice,12 but he still conducts
seminars in Australia and the United States. He charges $200 per seminar
and offers Quantum Trust and Gold Certificates (whatever they are) for
a mere $3,000. His website boasts:

The knowledge David has
to impart is mesmerising, if you have ever been in a Seminar room with
:David-Wynn: Miller there is something incredible going on Metaphysically.
On one hand there is definitely a feeling of calmness, safety, knowingness
and spirituality however on the other hand the information is factual,
precise, astonishing and enlightening. A very powerful and uplifting
combination giving answers of how we can live in harmony with honesty
and integrity. If you would like to find out more about the above and
be part of shifting the dynamics of this planet, you need to listen
to :JUDGE: David-Wynn: Miller.

However,
it seems that his seminars are opportunities for Miller to engage in
conspiracy mongering. He teaches his bewildered audience that 9/11 was
an “inside job,” and he claims that MasterCard runs the United States
economy and the United States Postal Services rules the world.13
Miller calls his adherents the “Universal Postal System.” Now we
know why he calls himself the “postmaster.”

The End of
the World As We Know It

In Miller’s typical exaggeration,
he reports that he has over one billion adherents to his theories. In
truth he has just a small band of loyal followers, most of whom probably
feel they have little to lose by trying Miller’s system.

It
seems unlikely that Correct Language will catch on in the legal system
or in daily use. However, Miller claims that on April 6, 2012, “Quantum
Language will be established in mainstream society globally.”14
Correct Language won’t be around for long, though, if Miller’s other
predictions are correct and the world ends in 2012.

Karen Stollznow

Karen Stollznow is an author and skeptical investigator with a doctorate in linguistics and a background in history and anthropology. She is an associate researcher at the University of California, Berkeley, and a director of the San Francisco Bay Area Skeptics. A prolific skeptical writer for many sites and publications, she is the “Good Word” Web columnist for the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry, the “Bad Language” columnist for Skeptic magazine, a frequent contributor to Skeptical Inquirer, and managing editor of CSI’s Scientific Review of Mental Health Practice. Dr. Stollznow is a host of the Monster Talk podcast and writer for the Skepbitch and Skepchick blogs, as well as for the James Randi Educational Foundation’s Swift. She can be reached via email at kstollznow[at]centerforinquiry.net.

Content copyright CSI or the respective copyright holders. Do not redistribute without obtaining permission. Thanks to the ESO for the image of the Helix Nebula, also NASA, ESA and the Hubble Heritage Team for the image of NGC 3808B (ARP 87).