Help...my daughter was kicked more than 8x total in the head and body while at school (kindergarten) by 2 girls...what would you expect to be the consequences or how would you expect the school to handle the situation. One of the girls has kicked and hit my 5 year old at least 3 times back in the fall....

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Priscilla - posted on 02/25/2009

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I'm sorry but if this happened to my kid only ONCE, I would make a huge deal about it! I know kids will be kids, BUT if it's kicks to the head and can cause serious damage, I would talk to the teacher, the principle, bring a police officer inside the class, talk to the little girl and her parents! because obviously her parents aren't teaching her manners! This upsets me! Heck no! I'm a Lion who protects her son to the Max! Ironically, his name is Max...lol. I hope all turns out right for you and your daughter. Take her to the doctor too and had that recorded at the doctors office and a written report from the doctor. You never know what can happen in the future. Never let anyone convince you of the "Kid's will be kid's" phrase...I don't fall for all that B.S. There is ALWAY'S a limit to things.

I just had to respond. I would expect the school to be on it ASAP. I think there should be a meeting between school staff and those children's parents to make a plan for their behavior. They should have consequences. I know it is only kindergarten, but geez, this is really concerning to me. It is absolutely unacceptable that they are harming other children. You should not have to speak to the parents, in my opinion. Your child (all children) have the basic right to be safe at school. There should be no tolerance for this behavior. I work for Head Start and when we have preschoolers that harm other children, staff involves the family to set up a plan. We would never want the parents of the "victim" to have to talk with the parents of the other children. I think you have every right to speak with the teacher and principal and if that gets you no where, you can pull your child and/or send a letter to to superintendant. Sorry for the rant, this just ticked me off. School is supposed to be safe...and fun.

Oh no....If you do not get the help you need from the school (ie: the children should be suspended or something. I don't care if its kindergarten or not...they have to learn consequences somehow and there should be a zero tolerance policy at the school). then you need to take it to the school board. This is unacceptable behavior and your child could suffer damage from such acts. I can only imagine the rage I would be feeling if I knew this was happening to my 5 year old daughter. I would hold the teacher, the principle and the counselors accountable, as well as the parents of the other children. I wouldn't give up until your child and those children were removed from each other. Good luck and I am sooo sorry to hear your daughter is having to suffer from the effects of bully children.

I have spoken with the teacher and principal. Pretty worthless meeting. They said it is an isolated incident and talking with the girls is sufficient to teach them...teachers were on the playground when it happened. They even defended the girl who has done the bulk of the kicking! The parents are aware, dad's were present when I found out.

My concern with moving my daughter is that she's been through enough already this year...new baby, move out of country, new school, new friends and being bullied'. She doesn't want to change classes and friends...she's afraid to go to school, but the first day after the incident took the same girls a rock for their collection 'to do something nice for them!' I just don't know where to go from here!

If indeed these are the facts...You file a complaint with the superintendent office and you call the media's attention! You get everyone involved in this situation. Everyone needs to know how this Principal is handling things. Abuse is everybody's business when it concerns a child! It's your job as a parent to protect her when no one else will.

My husband and I think that since this has happened before and since the incident was brutal, this is definitely assault. It is clearly an indication that something is going on in their own homes. By age 5, children know right from wrong. They should have more consequences to their actions. If the principal and teacher won't listen to you, I would at the very least contact the school board. This is violent behavior that needs to be addressed on another level.

211 Comments

OMG I'm so sorry for your daughter. That is not the place for her. Principal assistant principal the parents of the other children the TEACHERs all need to have a meeting with you. This is bullying pure bullying. They need to do something about this ASAP. It needs to be documented and Stopped. What is this world coming to? I don't know if this has continued for a period of time the police would have been called by me. Wow I hope your daughter is not traumatized.

I'd like to say I can't imagine this happening, BUT I CAN, and I am feeling the rage right now. Phew. Seriously, you definitely need to make this a huge deal. Principals, teachers and parents brushing off 8+ kicks, to the head, from 3 different girls?!?! This is NOT a little mishap, a slight shove over whose first in line, or a name call, this is straight up gang beating except little kid style - this is severe abuse. Yes, I agree with the others, if the school isn't responding - get legal action, media attention, make them look bad and make other people become explicitly aware of the ignorance's being held by the schools. Yours and your girl's voice needs to be HEARD. And LOUDLY. No child deserves to have their dignity striped away from them on such a serious account, at costs of a lousy little note saying sorry & back to playing?!?! I'm sorry, but HELL NO. The other adults responsible could care less because they are insensitive & it isn't their child. Changing classes won't make a difference if this happened outside during recess. Come on, do you think kids get away with beating each other up in class? And yeah absolutely, this type of behavior typically spawns from abuse or troubles at their own home, but does NOT justify their actions as okay. This needs to be dealt with, by using effective consequences.

i was in a state of blur shock i cant imagine. i read it to my husband he made a great point he said hed sue the school k teachers should never be more than 30feet from the class, what was the teacher doing? she was supposed to be protecting your babygirl in her learning place. i am so sorry to hear that. the fact its a repeat offense and they jumped her! how violent is that? i agree with my husband sue

If its a private preschool, change schools. Kindegarten is often spread out among different schools and classes. You have the right to say for the safety of the child you want the child's class changed now. In kindegarten we are talking about 5 and 6 year old bullying other 5 and 6 year olds and if thats happening. those 2 or 3 children have severe emotional problems to be engaging in that behavior at such a young age. The child may already be receiving services or the school may be attempting to get the children servuices. They need special 1to 1 monitors in a classroom and its difficult to get in a fiscal crisis. Mom you have to scream for the safety of your child, the other kids in classroom, and their education. Additionally, that child isn't benefitting either. If it were your kid, who was the bully, youd be asking what should I do; how can I get him help; how come you let my child do that. Where were the adults when this happened. 8 kicks. One kick is too many, but if it happened, it should have been stopped then. How come knowing my child you were that far away or that far away from any child.

I totally agree, these girls should have been taken to the office, had their parents called, and something should have been done! Zero-tolerance, even though it is kindergarten, what is going on here for these young girls first of all to be physically hurting another person.They are never too young to learn consequences of their actions. Especially with what is happening in our world now a days with our children. Something has to be done so this doesn't happen again! I hope your daughter is fine, and for her to feel safe something should be done to show her and the other girls that there are people out there that you can depend on to help so that she isn't afraid and alone and can tell and not have to feel scared.

File charges! Then maybe these idiots at the school will do something! Be loud and don't go away! Call your attorney if need be and take him with you to a meeting at the school with the superintendent, counselor and the principle. My daughter tells me the teachers do not care about what any of the kids are doing, so relying on them to help could be a waste of time as well. I don't care if they would think I am bat shit crazy, they mess with my kid, they are gonna meet one mad ass momma!

My 5 yr old would by home schooled! and charges would be brought against the other girls, I don't care how young they are. The act of bullying others has got to be nipped in the bud as early as it is shown. My question is why is this behavior showing up in these girls? Are they being mistreated at home or somewhere in their lives? Children are usually a product of their environment!!

A child that violent needs a 1 to 1 because they are a danger to other and are unable to progress academically without academic support. However, no changes can be made to an iep without parental permission and the district has to agree the situation warrants it. If a childs behavior is so serious a fba can be demanded. Functional behavior analysis. that can be done on any regular or special education child. That is when a child's behavior is monitored in order to make a plan to help the child behave more appropriuately and determine what incites negative behaviors.

Is it a public school. The children could be labled as special education students in a regular education setting which limits what the school can do. Is it public or private. Can't adavcse w/o more info

IF you fight back, win or lose. They will usually move on to the next victim.

Make the teachers aware, the Principal that this happened to her.

Let them know, that if it happens again your little (what ever her name is), is going to beat that kids ass! Then it will STOP with your child!

I made each one of my boys (I have two), fight the Bully.

They both lost the first fight.

The bully came back again and this time he lost!

NEVER AGAIN DID WE HAVE PROBLEMS AND NO ONE EVER CHALLENGED THEM AGAIN!

IT ONLY TAKES ONE TIME TO KNOCK DOWN THE BULLY AND TO NEVER HAVE ANOTHER ATTACK AT YOU.

Plus, this breeds confidence in the child, that they CAN take care of themselves.

We had a neighbor who son was being bullied. They parents who were kind of geeks themselves had been bullied too. So mom came to the bus stop daily and the kid just delayed his beatings to after school when he was out playing. Then it got so bad mom and dad had to play with him.

I WANTED MY SON TO TEACH THIS KID TO FIGHT.

BUT HE WOULD NOT!

I'M STILL SORRY I DID NOT GO OVER THERE AND TEACH HIM MYSELF.

THIS KID IS NOW IN HIGH SCHOOL AND STILL A VICTIM OF BULLYING!

So sad.

DO NOT LET HER BE WEAK!

My three (3) year old grand daughter is in daycare and two (2) boys kept writing on her with permanent marker on her head and clothes.

She visit me one day after school and has this marker on her nice new dress her other Grand Mother bought her and her head. So I asked her about it.

She told me.

I taught her to fight!

Then I told her to FIRST, TALK TO THESE BOYS AND TELL THEM TO STOP,

NEXT TELL THE TEACHER,

IF IT DOES NOT STOP,

WHEN THESE BOYS PARENTS GET TO SCHOOL TO PICK THEM UP GO UP TO THE PARENT INTRODUCE YOURSELF AND EXPLAIN THAT THEIR SON IS PUTTING MARKER IN YOUR HAIR AND ON YOUR CLOTHES AND THAT THE CLOTHES COST A LOT OF MONEY AND WOULD THEY LIKE TO PAY GRANDMA FOR THEM?

LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO THE BOY AND HE WON'T STOP AND IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN YOUR ARE GOING TO PUNCH HIM AND BEAT HIM UP!

SHE DID THIS. AND THE ONE FATHER SAID JUST DON'T BEAT HIM UP OK.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

DONE. NO MORE TROUBLE!

GOTTA LOVE IT!

STAND UP AND BE COUNTED OR GET KNOCKED DOWN AND TREATED LIKE A WEAKLING!

Similaar thing happend to my daughter and i complaind to the teacher and they said that didnt happend at the kindy that probably i did it and my daughter say it was the teacher son who kicked her very hard on the bone chick and she had a huge bruise the i took her to the doctor she said what had happend and i sue the kindy the principle and the teachers were kick out of there !!!!

This is too bad. The girls should have a bigger consequence. There are places you can go, such as the school board, superintendent, even police. Our school has zero bullying tolerance, I do believe they would be suspended at the very least.

But on the flip side, keep in mind that the parents of these girls are probably ignoring you because they are embarrassed of the situation. Wouldn't you be? Try writing them a letter that is compassionate and see if you can meet up. Say something along the lines of...."I understand this is a hard discussion for all of us, but I would really like to meet with you and have a blameless conversation about it"....and so on. Of course you may find that they really are unwilling to hear you in the end, but hopefully that would help to start some communication with them. And I also think that any kid who bullies is a nice kid deep down, just they don't know any better, or may have some unknown circumstances in their lives, etc. Remember, all kids start out innocent :)

You can change classes but that wont stop the bullying. There is still recess where all the same grade level goes together and lunch. If the school hasnt done anything than I dont know what to tell you. My son was bullied last year(1st grade) and he finally had enough and fought back. He got suspended for it which I was po'd about. His school has a no bullying thing there which I dont know exactly what it is but I dont agree with it. They have a behavioral dude there that all the kids go to when they get into trouble and I LOVE him. He and my son have something in common which is both suffer from ADHD and so he knows how to deal with the bullies and my child. I can say thou that if they dont get caught doing the act they wont get punished too bad cuz its just one childs word against another and we ALL know how children lie. NOT saying your child is but the other girls. I hope you get it figured out cuz I know last year I knew who y sons bullies were and I dealt with them myself after school. Good luck to you.

All this "stuff" at schools is very complicated...i run my own pre-school and had my 8 year old child late (45) so i have a strange attitude to all of the above. If children are bullies at school, this attitude comes from inside their own home, so it does not help speaking to the parents, they will go into denial and nothing will be done about it. If the school has not acted in the correct way yet and acknowledged that there is a problem with the situation, then chances are they never will. This is my advise however strange it might seem. Go to the little children involved and very gently, squat down to their level, take their arm/wrist gently, look them straight in the eye and squeeze their arm slowly...do not hurt them...just get their attention...THEN SAY SOFTLY AND VERY SERIOUSLY...if you ever hit or hurt (your child's name) again, i will give you the hiding of your life, we are all watching you very closely.I know it seems like a bullying tactic and it is, but it takes one to recognize one, and bullies need to be bullied back, and it is the only way, they are generally wimps inside, and easily scared, so stand up for your own child, if the school and the child's parents won't.If the child is old and cunning enough to complain to his/her own parents, simply deny that you touched him/her...believe me these parents are also bullies and will try and threaten you...don't let them, stand up for your child.The main thing however is to teach your child, NOT TO BE OR BECOME A VICTIM.Your child needs to learn to stand up for him/herself, then the bullies will not go for her, teach her to have attitude and not to stand back she must learn to be assertive and believe in herself, give her confidence every day of her life, tell her she is great, beautiful, clever and strong enough to deal with these horrible children, if she is confidant, the weak wimp bullies will leave her alone.

Heather with your daughter's school do they have a different timout strategy for the younger children than the older children?

Our school is a k-12 also but the length of time for yellow card timeout is the same. This is why I am asking because all the parenting programs say one thing yet the school dictates something totally different.

I agree this kind of behaviour is unacceptable in school where all children shoud be able to feel safe.

Does your school have behaviour management and anti bullying policies displayed? Ours doesn't and I haven't even been given anything and we have been associated with the school now for six years.

Are they all in the same grade and if so the same class? I would be getting her in with a different teacher, getting the other girls in with a counselor and having meetings with the parents and school board, principal and teacher and then later be getting the girls all involved with the meeting too. There is absolutely no need for behavior like that in school. The school my son (also kindergarten) attends, which is the same one I went to K-12, has a No Bullying Policy. I substitute teach, and that is something I wouldn't put up with.

I'm currently in the process of changing schools for my two children who have been at the school since my eldest was in kindergarten. My daughter says the bullying happens when no adult is around and the teachers never seem to be "just there" when it happens.

I spent part of last night reading the 5-7 age group chapter from It's a boy by Michael Thompson phd and it had some very interesting relevant pieces of information concerning boys and how they let other boys know their place in the hierachy. Basically, we as mums and teachers have to trust their play. The confusing part for me though is when is it called bullying if it is natural for boys to use physical aggression to assert their place in the pecking order?

My son has been given yellow cards - equivalent to in school suspension although they call it buddy room and he is there for 2 periods of 40 minutes each supposedly supervised (but the teachers go in and out which isn't supervision). The reason is because he is caught retaliating against the other boys and so he is the one getting into trouble. The school is helping to develop a cycle with my son and the others where they hit,kick, push etc, get my boy in a state of anger where he retaliates and does the same back and then they run off and tell the teacher that he is hurting them. My son gets put in timeout for 80 minutes (and he is only six years old), misses out on play and then in the next play session when he is there the cycle starts again.

I spoke with the deputy on the Monday last week and she admitted that they could never seem to get there to stop it. Says to me that they need to review how they supervise the play areas.

Bullies who are girls can be brutal and I so sympathise. However, going to the principal of the school and demanding action is the only way to get them to wake up. If that doesn't happen go to the superintendent and if they ignore you then go to the police. It is the only way to get something done and have someone hear you without giving the label of pedantic mother.

Just a note, my son isn't the sort who bullies. He actually gets scared when he sees a dead animal this is how sensitive he is. Schools think they know your kid but they don't have a clue and they think that by putting a label on him, they can stick him in a box in admin for 2 hours and forget they have that student in their class and they won't even bother finding out both sides of the story.

I just saw this. My son was kicked when he was in the 5th grade by some boys and girls who claimed they were playing a kicking game, while he was hanging on the monkey bars. They kicked him so much in his lower back that when I picked him up he could hardly walk and was black and blue. His doctor said we were lucky he didn't have kidney damage. We went to the school the following Monday and they were appalled but what did they do to these kids they gave them 3 days in school suspension which I felt was ridiculous. They other boy they were kicking also received 3 days because he kicked back. The only reason my son went unpunished was because he never kicked back, we asked him why and he said because it was the girls kicking him and he has been taught to never strike a girl.

Oh my, I feel for you. My own son has been bullied most of his life... I agree with those that say you must get some higher attention (the superintendent) and another thing, take your child to the doctor and have her examined. Have her tell her side of the story to the doctor who can provide a medical report about what´s been going on. That has to talk, then the school has to listen. Also, take her to a counselor and maybe get her some martial arts training that will not only teach her some defense techniques, but also give her some added self-confidence and tools that would help her deal with the situation.

Go to the school and demand a copy of the Bahaviour management policy. Ask to have an appointment with the principal and the teacher. Go in there calm but assertive - take the emotion out of it because I know being a mother in this situation you can be very upset and angry.

If the teacher and principal do not listen and be proactive in solution strategies, then take it further and further still until you are listened to.

If this happens, pull your child out of that school and find another with a proper behaviour management policy that matches your values.

What did the school do the first time that the kid hit your child?? I would demand a meeting with the kids parents at school and ask that the principal tell them what will happen if these attacks do not stop. Then I will watch it and keep a close eye and if it continues demand that the other children be suspended/expelled.

If the principal doesnt give these kids harsher punishments, then u may have to go to the school board. Or get police involved. Head injuries are not good. Fight for your child!! It's your right to protect her.

I'm a Lunch school supervisor & hitting is never tolerated. Has the school confronted you on it, or is this just something your child had told you? 1st thing I'd do is notify the school principal & the guidance counselor. It would be nice to get the whole story before judging the situation.

This is also a bullying situation which is illegal and if the school is not doing as they should get a lawyer, i wish i did for my son 15 yrs ago he was bullied due to having red hair and it when on for years until the bullies didnt eben know why they hated him, it even led to a teacher abusing his poor self esteem to where he has never

Really gotten it back, i did everything, filed complaints and asked to change schools we have 4 grammer schools in our town, i had a child study team evaluation done that took from sept to april , i wish the laws they have today were around back then and its not about suing ormoney its about them finally listening and doing something, file a police report

I find it rather ridiculous that a kindergarten boy gets suspended for kissing a girl on the cheek - sexual harrassment (as if a young child even knows what that is), but nothing is being done regarding these violent girls!

I WOULD GO TO THE SCHOOL AND SET UP A MEETING TO SPEAK WITH THE PARENTS . .THATS VERY DANGEROUS TO BE KICKED IN THE HEAD. . . VERY BRUTAL ALTHOUGH KIDS ARE KNOWN TO BE MEAN THATS VERY BITTER WISH U LUCK WITH THAT (TIME TO TAKE ACTION IF THEY ARE NOT PUNISHED IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN, AND AS A YOUNG CHILD THE PARENT NEEDS TO GET TO THE ROOT OFF HER BABIES ANGER!!!)

My concern would be for her physical safety as these issues could cause brain damage, broken bones, etc. I say do what you can and do it soon. Is this happening every day or a few times a week? If so, I say pull her out of school until you can resolve this in some way. This sounds very dangerous to me.

the school should suspend the girls I don't care what grade they are in and also the school should look into the family life a little about why would 5 yr old girls get into brawls and that is what it sounds like is a brawl. are the girls mistreated at home maybe social services should look into the situation or the guidance personnel in the school. this is something that isn't handle with the principal suspending the girls then I would go to the school board

Most schools have a no tolerance policy for bulling. At my son's school my son had an tussle with another boy who was harassing a girl- he was defending her, anyway he got a 'red card' and a call home. What you describing would be cause for suspension and intervention. Call the teacher and principle and demand a meeting. Have the school contact the parents of the two girls, something is very wrong - if they are doing this at 5...

as a kindergarten teacher i have always maintained a "ZERO TOLERANCE" rule for physical harm to others. we march right down to the principal's office and parents are called and student misses some recesses or playtime (or in a more "serious" offense - actually sent home) in this world with so much obvious bullying and student violence against other students and teachers it has to be taken and dealt with seriously

Demand an immediate meeting with the principal, the teacher and the counselor. Discuss this with them and find out how this could have happened and what plan they have implemented to protect your child in the future.

I am sorry for the other parents but I believe the other child should be removed from the school. This other child sounds totally out of control. No child should be subjected to this sort of physical abuse and anyone causing it should be removed immeadiately.

OMG.. I am sooo sorry to hear that !! That is just horrible.. How is she doing now ? Did you contact the principal or talk to the parents.. How old were the girls that did that to her and why ??? Sorry not much help but just wanted to say that I am praying for your daughter :( I cant even imagin that !!