How do you take your concerns to a local
priest when you do not trust them?

There have been so many changes in the Church
lately, it is confusing to someone coming
back in. I am 54 and was raised Catholic,
but I had many years of emotional healing
that came afterwards. My father was externally
a "good" Catholic, but:

he had porn in the house

treated my mother poorly, and

had anger/verbal abuse issues.

I'm now reading solid things online and going
to Mass again. I made some very poor choices
in my life resulting from all this and while
I thought I was healed, some issues are resurfacing
again.
I have been part of many different churches
over the years and have grown much in my faith
but now feel drawn back to Catholicism. Here
are my current issues:

I don't believe, in a heartfelt way, everything
the Catholic church teaches. I do agree on
all the basic truths of the faith. In reading
various web pages, it seems there is a lot
of emphasis in the Catholic Church on sin
rather than on Christ and what he did for
us. This is not helpful to me because of abuse
in my background (it's a long story), as well
as a sensitive conscience (not to the point
of scruples). I can never be fully Catholic,
as I married a divorced Catholic 25 years
ago, not knowing it was adultery. Annulment
is not an option. Some of the things I read
online and what I've seen in the new, traditional
Catholic church seems like a cult to me. By
that I mean:

"it's do it our way, or you're wrong.
Believe what we believe, or you're wrong
(not welcome)."

It is confusing for me to figure out.

How can it be wrong to read/question
everything?

Won't God's truth come through in the
end?

I love God and want to grow in my faith.
I do believe the Catholic Church has a lot
of richness.
I am more Catholic than Protestant.

Where can I go to get some help with these
questions?

Joanne

{
From
a confused Catholic trying to come back to
the Church. }

John
replied:

Joanne,

Thank you so much for your question.

I would encourage you to seek a good
spiritual director. Perhaps
you may need to some professional
counseling as well to deal with the
family issues.

You said that it was difficult for
you to believe, in a heartfelt way,
all the teachings of the Church.
The term heartfelt leads me to think
that you are confusing "an emotional
response" to
"a teaching within the faith".

Faith is not a feeling. Many doctrines,
depending on how they are presented
and depending on your perspective
and circumstances can cause a favorable
on unfavorable emotional response.

So it's important not to confuse
how we "feel about things" or
"whether or not we understand
things", with "whether
or not, as a Catholic, we can accept
things".

Faith, like Love, involves an act
of the will. The battle takes place
in the mind so we begin by trying
understand the authority of the Church
and where it comes from. When push
comes to shove, I don't trust my
priest, my bishop, or the Pope. OK,
now that I've shocked you, let me
explain.

That which I believe about God effects
my eternal destiny so, while on a
human level:

I love and trust my pastor

I admire and respect my bishop
and

I think the world of Benedict
and John Paul before him

I can't rely on their human weakness
to save me. Instead, I trust in Christ
Jesus, Our Lord.
Now from there, I have to look at
His Word and see what promises and
guarantees He has made to ensure
His Gospel would be protected from
error in being transmitted to the
world.

Scripture tells me Jesus Christ established
a Church. He sent His Holy Spirit
to lead and guide the Church. He
gave the Church spiritual gifts in
the form of "offices".
He founded His Church on twelve Apostles;
Peter chief among them. He promised
Peter and the Apostles that the Gates
of Hell would not prevail against
the Church. In doing so, He guaranteed
that the Church could not teach error
when defining a matter of faith and
morals. He gave Peter special authority
as chief of the Apostles. He gave
him the keys of the Kingdom. (Matthew
16:13-20)

So behind the teachings of the Church,
stand the promise of our Lord to
protect the Church from officially
teaching an error in matters of faith
and morals. That doesn't mean that
Church leaders wouldn't fail to follow
those teachings. Obviously, one just
needs to look at the recent scandals.
Better yet, just look at Judas— you
can't fail to follow Christ's teaching,
much more than Judas.

St. Paul wrote to Timothy that the "pillar
and foundation of the truth is the
Church" (1 Timothy 3:15), so
when I accept a doctrine which emotionally
is hard to swallow, I'm fundamentally
relying on the promise of Christ.
Without that meaning of Christ's
Promise and the Holy Spirit, then
the Church is simply an organization
or a bunch guys wearing cool hats
telling us what to do. If that's
the case, we have no reliable proof
that Jesus:

did anything

taught anything

rose from the dead, or

perhaps even existed.

So don't be discouraged about your
emotional inability to accept certain
teachings. Start by focusing on your
relationship with Jesus. Try studying
the Church and the authority given
to it by Jesus. To that end, our
knowledge base should be helpful.
We have a lot of answers that deal
with the Papacy, infallibility, Tradition and
so forth. Work on those teachings
you have trouble with.

But most importantly, you have some
trust issues because of your father
and his background.
You need allow Jesus to heal those
wounds. It may take counseling. I
think a good Spiritual director is
the place to start.

God Bless,

John

Joanne
replied:

John,

Thank you so much for answering my
question and doing so promptly. You
have given me some things to think
about. You are right — I am
not using my will to trust Church
leaders — it seems just too
big a jump and I would rather go
to God who I do trust. I will keep
reading as you suggest.

How do I go about finding a good
spiritual director?

I am so afraid of finding someone
who will steer me wrong or tell me
to just get out because
I married
a divorced person. I have had years
of (secular) counseling but I will
do so again, if that is what I need.

Where do you find a good Christian/Catholic
counselor?

Joanne

John
replied:

Hi, Joanne —

I'm not sure how they do it in your
diocese, but you can start by talking
to someone in the chancery and asking
them who provides spiritual direction.
Often times, you can find a good
director in a religious order but
make sure the person is faithful
to the teachings of the Church as
well as being pastoral.

You do have a real issue that needs
to be resolved. You're not just married
to a divorced man.
You are technically in adultery.
I highly encourage you to talk to
your spouse about trying to get
an annulment. There is no guarantee
that it will be granted, but they
are fairly easy to obtain if there
is any pre-existing reason that could
invalidate the marriage. They give
them for a variety of reasons — among
them:

emotional immaturity

one of the parties who entered
into the marriage believing
divorce was an option if
things didn't work out

a failure to understand the sacramental
nature of Christian marriage.

It would be a good idea for you to
get this straight. Jesus is very
clear in the Gospel, if a man divorces
his wife and marries another, when
his first wife is still alive, then
he commits adultery. This isn't something
the Church made up; it's right in
the Scriptures.

As far as finding a good Christian
counselor, again, I would look in
the directory or do a google search.
Also, don't be afraid to go talk
to your parish priest. He could help
you with both a counselor and a spiritual
director. He can also explain
the annulment process to you.

No one is going to tell you to leave
or get out because of your irregular
marriage. You are always welcome
to attend Church and pray with the
community but you should refrain
from receiving the Eucharist until
you can get your marriage situation
straight.

God Bless,

John

Joanne
replied:

Hi, John —

I am afraid to talk to a priest.
I believe marrying him was adultery
but I only realized this in the last
few months; I honestly did not know.
I have confessed this to God and
believe he forgives me but the Catholic
Church does not. I will talk to my
husband but I don't know if he will
agree to seeking an annulment. He
started the papers 25 years ago,
got completely disgusted with the
whole process, and wouldn't finish
it.

Is it right for me to ask him
to go against his conscience?

Can I still go to Confession
or not?

Joanne

John
replied:

Joanne —

There is absolutely no reason to
be afraid to talk with a priest.
The fact that you are approaching
him about finding a way to be reconciled
with the Church will probably make
his day, unless of course, he's an
idiot that shouldn't be in the priesthood.

You've confessed to God but you are
still living in the sin. Repentance
means to change direction. It means
to turn away from the sin and turn
to God so you can go to Confession,
but the priest can't absolve you
of your sins (unless you were on
your death bed; and that's not the
case).

Your husband may have gotten disgusted
with the process and perhaps it's
because he was poorly catechized.
You have every right to ask your
husband to do this. It involves your
status with the Church.

You may not have know what you were
doing at the time, but now, you know.

You really have to start dealing
with it and that's why you need to
start by having a conversation with
your priest and letting him advise
you on how to proceed with your husband.
If your husband really loves you,
he wants the best for you, in this
life and the next. You can't, in
good conscience, continue to live
in an adulterous marriage. God is
always willing to forgive, but we
can't make a mockery of His Mercy.
This is difficult for you, I know,
and we will try to encourage you
along the way. Certainly we recommend
that you find a
priest who is faithful to Rome and
the Holy Father, but it's up to you
to decide if you want to continue
to, knowingly, live in adultery.

God Bless

John

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