Disney to ensure the success of the Guardians franchise.

With the recent James Gunn controversy drawing to a close in the media cycle and Disney not reinstating the beleaguered former director, they find themselves in dire need of a replacement.

It’s a potentially Apocalyptocal situation for both Disney and the Guardians franchise. They’ve lost a proven director and screenwriter who has a clear affinity with the source material and the technical know how and emotional nuance to bring it to life on the screen.

Unfortunately, short of a ransom plot it’s safe to say the Gunn will not be rehired, despite his supporters vainly throwing their signatures at the “re-hire James Gunn” petition like the Australian soldiers attacking the Turkish lines at Gallipoli.

Disney is in need of a man with a braveheart, a lethal weapon of a director who has once survived excommunication from Hollywood and battled his way back to the top despite conspiracy theory and media muckraking. A moral man who never sought payback against the man without a face responsible for his downfall. A man who knows what the fans want. What women want.

Who? Who you say? Mel “sugartits” Gibson, or “Gibbo” as he’s known in his home country of Australia. Mad Max himself. Not only does he bring stellar credentials and oscar winning talent he has previous experience with Disney films once voicing John Smith in the 1995 classic Pocahontas.

With the continued employment of Mel, it is the writers’ fervent hope that through the power of change.org and the passion of the Christ, his body of work will stay forever young in the hearts of his fans.

Disney, I hereby petition you to hire Mel Gibson to ensure the continued success of the Guardians franchise. Thank you for your consideration.