she was born on june 1,
1974 i was born on june 15, 1974 / she
writes her own songs i write parodies of her own songs.
she let dave coulier hump
her i lust for the same kind of man / she is
angry towards christianity i am angry towards mock religions
she acts like she is traumatically brain-injured i have a tbi (traumatic brain-injury)

she likes to offend conventionality
i like to offend progressives / she worked with view askew i talked
to dante about my script
she is well-known now
because of madonna's blond ambition / i was well-known in
school for the same reason

(and if you think her "jagged little pill" was angry, you should see me bash the "anything a man can do" crowd of masculine wannabees...as well as the masculine insufficiencies known as gay "men"

if you click my pic, i promise not to think in your mouth

"i'm slim shady, yes, i'm the real shady - all you other slim shadies are just imitating"
there is a twitter "jagged little dyl" wannabee, "ThaCrackMessiah"/"rapmusicliker", it's not me.
i do not use any "social networking" website - other people just take time away from DYLAN
the following is a random letter i've written, but you may as well just click into my site

dear sir or vagina:

A PETITION TO GOVERNMENTS - PROVIDE MORE TO FELONS THAN JUST SEX-CHANGE OPERATIONS.

please hear me out, i am not a dangerous man. i am a desperate man. an MTF wannabee with gender-identity issues. i was once so desperate that i used to wonder this very question: "if a man commits a heinous crime, an act of vengeful violence against one of the "strong women" who never are quite strong enough to keep an unwanted penis out of their vaginas, would that man be sent to jail and would the state pay for an operation to turn him into a female". of course, my desperation never crossed the line into being a dangerous kind of desperation, but i still wondered that very question since i could not afford to become female with my own money. all i could do was fantasize about getting the operation paid for by being sent to jail for raping a "strong woman," if not with my unwilling gay dick then with a multitude of sharp objects. being sexually aroused by men, though, all i could do was fantasize of raping Strongwoman...how is a gay guy supposed to do what a straight man can do? why would a gay guy even want to be near the private parts of the gender that lays an egg and bleeds it out every month?

well, i am writing to gay activists and human rights activists, lawmakers, gay-accepting psychologists, even prisons...as well as talent agents. i think that sex-change operations shouldn't be the only things given to prisoners who want to deny reality. i'd happily go to jail if i'd get a record deal or a movie deal or a book deal with my surgery. i don't like the reality that i know, i hate my life and i hate my gender - give me the means to change my reality.

i used to feel like a female trapped in a man's body. let me just say that nobody wanted to acknowledge or regard me as female - i had to use the mens' room and i had to play on mens' sports teams. incidentally, sports teams should not be gender-based - any physical competition that keeps the genders separated is only saying that one gender is inferior enough to be a hindrance to the other gender. that goes for the "coney island hot dog eating competition" having to add a womens' division, and it actually relates to there being gender-based military requirements. it's like the special olympics or even the "retard bus," women are making a mockery out of actual physical strength just by calling themselves "strong women". until "curves fitness" has barbells that i can't lift, the gender that lays an egg every month should not be regarded as "strong". that's because i'm not that strong - i may be stronger than 96% of women, but it's not the new bride who carries the new groom over the threshold.

to continue: it wasn't only playing sports with members of my own gender that bothered me, as my mind would not allow me to FEEL like i belonged with them. i felt so compromised, so humiliated, so inferior...but i'm sure that if i would have had to go to jail, i'd have been sent as a man. i was never comfortable with myself as a man or a boy, never comfortable taking my shirt off to swim...it caused me such turmoil because MY BRAIN KNEW that i was not like other boys. my brain told me who i was, and because of the state of my brain, i was not able to feel comfortable being regarded as a young man. it's true that i didn't feel out-of-place until i had lived long enough to learn what gender is with regards to myself, but i learned that i was living in the wrong body just as soon as i could comprehend, see and understand the world around me more than a one year-old could. more than someone like helen keller could.

i have gotten over thinking of myself as a female trapped in a man's body, i have overcome being helen keller with regards to my own masculine gender. through the passage of time and through maturity and self-acceptance, not to mention the acceptance of reality, i have accepted and embraced the way i was born...but now i have come to realize that i am not living the life that i should be living. the life that i am entitled to. i would like someone in authority to change that.

when i was a young boy, i may not have known who i was...but i knew what i liked. when i was 4 or 5, i imitated john travolta in "grease," dancing around and imitating his "greased lightning" dance. when i was 8 or 9, i imitated michael jackson, dancing around and imitating his "beat it" video. when i was 10 or 11, my desire to be a female was augmented by an obsession with madonna which lasted a little over 10 years - i did everything but dress up as madonna for halloween. when her "blond ambition" tour came around, i had memorized the "vogue" dance and i was known to do it incessantly in high school. when i was 13, in grade school, i stood at the front of the class (my audience) and did a 5-day book report on stephen king's 1000+ paged book callled "it," i had a captive audience and i knew i loved to be in front of people and performing.

now, if taxpayers are going to pay for prisoners' intolerance of and/or refusal of reality by method of a surgical sex-change operation given in jail, if head-therapy isn't considered as an alternative when it can only be the prisoners' thinking brain that's responsible for the prisoners thinking of themselves as being members of the wrong genders...then i want someone to mandate that madonna's "maverick records" give me a record deal. much like prisoners don't want to accept the gender that reality has given to them, i don't want to accept the reality of being a nobody - i want someone to mandate that paramount pictures do a remake of their 1978 "grease" movie, with me playing the part of danny zuko (i may be 38, but i am carded waaay too much and i know that i could easily pass for a high school senior). i also want someone to mandate that i write a book with stephen king. i don't want to accept the reality of being a nobody. i want to be as famous as alanis morissette was with her "jagged little pill" debut, my name is DYLAN and i want my "www.jaggedlittleDYL.com" website to be as popular as its namesake. i have been writing my website since 1999, four years after "jagged little pill" was released - it is time for my artistry to be recognized.

i am quite positive that the cost of a sex-change operation would be a lot more expensive than investing in my talents, even if nobody would see my movie or buy my cd or read my book. even if the entertainment world made no money at all off of me, i know that if the government invested in my talent then it would be less expensive than investing in a sex-change operation. how much does a sex-change operation cost? tens of thousands, i'm sure. therefore, if the government is going to pay for criminals' well-being...what about mine? come to think of it, i was once convicted of a felony and i got nothing for it. come to think of it, i committed a felony BECAUSE i was a nobody. i committed a felony because no government official would mandate my stardom like they mandate surgery. i was emailing strangers with threatening letters so they'd get paranoid enough to try to learn about me through my website - i thought i'd be infamous enough to get some kind of movie/record/book deal. i didn't get anything, though, not from government and not from anyone.

wrapping up, let me say this: if there is any way this letter could be forwarded to paramount pictures, maverick records or stephen king, i'd appreciate it. for over a decade, i've been writing parodies of songs from the 1980s/1990s - i've been writing insolent and scandalous sexual satire - i had my own youtube channel before it was canceled due to my offensive graphics and/or videos of me lip-synching. the videos of the offensive graphics are on my site, but the lip-synching videos are nowhere but on my computer (i don't think i am allowed to put copyrighted audio on my own website).

please help me realize my misguided fantasies of being feminine and being famous.

dylan terreri, i
www.jaggedlittledyl.com

"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
www.jaggedlittledyl.com/essays

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THE premier source for the satirization of liberals and progressives. 600+ song parodies, 2 1/2 screenplays, t-shirts, bumper stickers, and more ridicule than you can shake a stick at.