The Inner-Workings of the Bro Brain

This is exactly why we should never waste funds on psychoanalyzing bros.

Everyone’s brain works differently.

Here’s the journey a thought goes through in a frat guy’s brain. Start at “Am I Talking To Someone With Boobs” and work counter-clockwise.

THE “AM I TALKING TO SOMEONE WITH BOOBS” STAGE:
This is the first stage any frat guy’s thought goes through. If the answer is no, the thought continues on its full course through the brain. If the answer is yes, then he defaults to a series of scripted phrases that are used solely for the purpose of having sex with the boobed person he is talking to.

Some common phrases are:

• “I can’t believe you wrote a ten-page paper. That’s crazy!”
• “I got a case of Zima at my parent’s summer house.”
• “You’re from [insert name of city/state]. I grew up near there!”
• “I eat meat, but I am also a “Vag”-atarian.”
• “What made you want to major in [insert name of major].”

THE OLD SCHOOL QUOTE GENERATOR:
The process continues as the thought arrives here, where it’s checked to see whether or not it can be scrapped, and replaced with a quote from the film “Old School.” When confronted with everyday statements such as, “Do we need some more milk,” “I’m having dinner with my parents tomorrow,” or “What’s on TV,” the frat guy can (and will) respond with some of these common quotes: