‘I would faint’

The Mountains to Molehills columnist asked students at Mills River Elementary School to pretend to be Santa Claus, and these youngsters know plenty about the jolly old elf.

More of their answers to our questions were in Sunday’s column. These precious little Santas are sure to have sides splitting from laughter.

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Santa, what happens when there is mistletoe over your head?

“I run away from it,” says Morgan. Audrey says, “Mrs.

Claus kisses me.” But, she adds, “It’s gross.” “I kiss Mrs.

Claus,” says Ashley. Maybe it’s a coin toss for Ella, who says, “I can get kissed or not.”

That mistletoe is some powerful stuff, according to Jada.

“I start to get chill bumps,” she says. It also has an effect on Makayla, who answers, “I would faint.” “Run,” says Sawyer. “You throw up,” recommends Kevin. But it’s nothing new for Luke, who says, “Like usual, I do get kissed.” One little Santa, however, is too busy for such nonsense. “I say, ‘Sorry, lady, I have some presents to deliver,’ ” says Karlee.

Ah, but it gets even more interesting. Jackson says, “I kiss somebody’s mom like I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.”

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How do your reindeer fly?

“Magic powder,” Zachary reveals. “I feed them special corn and hay,” says Kayla. You just have to “believe,” according to Montana. “I give them magic berries,” says Karlee.

“They gallop their feet and jump three times, and they start to fly and do the same thing on the roof but quiet,” explains Riley. And if all else fails, Abbie gives them “hot tamales.” But “special carrots” work best for Ella.

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Can no one other than Rudolph pull your sleigh?

“No, he is the strongest,” explains Kevin. “All of the reindeer do because I need to get around the world fast,” says Jake. Mela agrees that “all the reindeer have to work together.” But what if there is no Rudolph? “Next to lead the sleigh,” says Mela, “is Dancer.”

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Do you really know whether I’ve been naughty or nice?

“My elves have been watching you,” cautions Zachary.

“I have a big book about you,” says Kilah. “I watch you all year long,” promises Morgan.

“Just be nice,” says Laurel, “and you’ll be sure.” And it looks like Mountains to Molehills will be receiving presents since Luke tells us, “This year you’ve been good.”

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Does Santa have a website?

“Yes,” says Ashley, “it’s the northpole.com/saintnick.” Sawyer disagrees. He says, “It’s www.elfontheshelf.com.” But if you want to send email, the address, according to Karly, is “sclaus@gemail.com.” There’s another site, says Madison, but it must still be under construction. “Yes, I do have a website,” she answers, and goes on to say, “Wait, no, maybe!”

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Santa, how do you get down the chimney if there’s a fire in the fireplace?

“I’m magic,” says Emma.

“Jack Frost,” lends a hand, according to Ethan. “Dump snow on it,” says Duane. Ah, but Santa has a “fireproof suit,” says Ben. “Turn it into a slide and slide down,” imagines Laurel. “I shrink and fly over the fire,” says Avery. And if none of that works, “I go through the window,” says Audrey.

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Finally, Santa, what will you be bringing to the White House this year?

“A Mazda CX7,” says Jamie.

“A collar for the dog, a toy for the child and coffee for the president,” says Ethan. You voters thought you had the last say. “A new president,” wishes Addison. Kevin agrees: “A new president.” “A bunch of stuff,” promises Montana, “but only if you stop hitting your brother.”

And just what the White House needs, it’s going to be “paperwork,” according to Alyssa.