A Letter To my 30 year old future self

Dear Prrrrrrrrl <Are you still attacked by r’s randomly out of nowhere?>,

As you can tell, you had lost it at this point in time although the real debate is whether you’ve ever had it. Did you survive?

Are you still obsessed with fonts? I hope not because it is very tiresome. Turns out Calibri Light only looks good on email, and here I thought there was some hope for your Calibri relationship. I am almost tempted to use Arial but the last thing I need is hundreds of slim looking words after that Chicken salad sandwich I just had. I am not emotionally ready.

I do hope you’ve become smaller, Lord knows you have waited in line for that for what seems like forever. Or that you are eating healthier and not the kind where it’s all in your head because it’s the thought that counts.

Have you got into a physical fight yet? You always wanted to but never had to the balls to go through with it. Something to do with the fear that your chubby self wouldn’t be able to hold its own in a fight. There’s never a point to getting into it if you don’t intend to win it.

What’s the weather like these days? The weather mood swings are just outright annoying; I hope you found a way around that.

How’s that big mouth of yours that can’t seem to shut up although that would probably be impossible with those huge teeth? Did you get around to accepting your calling and becoming a sales foot soldier for ‘Biku, biyenje, byoona tulina ebibita’kinda arrangement?

I hope you managed to get rid of this bad habit of digressing from the point at hand. I didn’t write to tell you any of that.

I just want you to remember what is important and has always been important;

1.Never stop laughing, the hearty kind only you can pull off. It has kept you afloat more times than you can imagine.

2.It’s okay to be normal/ ordinary. Life can sometimes turn you into an animal all in the name of pursuing your dreams/ going forward/ progress and the like. May be one day you’ll understand that, hopefully by the time you’re reading this.

3.NEVER stop trying to be small. Haters will say that if you haven’t become 45kgs by then, you never will but that’s why they are haters. Ignore them!!

4.God is good. I don’t know if you’ll remember how you were fully reminded of this around this time, but it doesn’t matter. Take it from someone who knows.

5.You don’t know anything about anything.

I could go on & on, you know this first hand, but I am sleepy ateh Kyaliwajjala si kumpi.

I am actually sort of hoping for a reply, yes it’s been that kind of day!