marvels of mediocrity

Ian goes to Washington.

Ian and his parents were escorted to the guest bedroom of the White House. They had just arrived in Washington for Ian’s Medal of Honor ceremony, a moment that Ian had never foreseen in his life until he decided to join the military. After his training, he went on a spy mission that helped prevent World War 3, a feat that earned him recognition from the Pentagon and a personal invitation from the President.

“Well, here we are!” Ian’s father Ron proclaimed as he looked around the bedroom. “The famous Nixon bedroom.”

“Um, excuse me, what was that?” Ian asked, not sure of what he had just heard.

“The Nixon bedroom,” Ron repeated. “Look at that painting over there. Do you know who that is?”

Ian looked at the painting on the wall and was startled to see a portrait of Richard Nixon. The painting appeared to be very old with Nixon dressed in a vintage outfit from the 1800’s.

“That can’t be Nixon,” Ian muttered.

“Actually, it IS Nixon,” Ron said. “You know who he was, right?”

“Yeah, he was President during the 1970’s.” Ian replied.

“WHAT?” Ron shouted. “COME ON! Nixon wasn’t alive in the 1970’s!”

“He was too!”

“COME ON, IAN!” Ron roared. “Don’t you remember your American history? Everyone knows that Nixon was president during the Civil War!”

“WHAT?” Ian’s head began to spin. “I thought Lincoln was President during the Civil War!”

“YOU”RE CRAZY!” Ron yelled. “Lincoln was our first President!”

“No, George Washington was our first President!”

“Wait, who’s George Washington?”

Ian grabbed his head as the room appeared to spin faster. What was happening? Was this all a dream? Then that would have meant Ian’s trip to Washington wasn’t really happening either. None of this mattered at the moment as Ian suddenly blacked out and collapsed on the floor.