DFL.: A DAY IN
THE LIFE OF AMERICA's MOST HARDCOREInterview by Dino Dinco

"I just wanna
know why Nirvana won't return my phone calls," demands "One
Take Tom" Davis, lead barker of Los Angeles hardcore punk act,
D.F.L.. Davis perks up when his pager suddenly goes crazy, in hopes
that Mr. Cobain is finally getting back to him. He is duly satisfied,
however, checking his beeper's display: "Ahhh-it's my girl, Kelly,"
he says, rising from the outstretched futon in the living room of his
Hollywood apartment. Outside the window, the Astro Burger on Melrose
provides a backdrop for Davis, as he wraps up the brief call. Exhausted
from an all-day session of underwater karate surfing, he crashes back
onto the futon and props his head up against the wall, grumbling something
about Seattle.

On the couch opposite
Davis rests Monte Messex and Julius Mosley, respectively the guitarist
and (now former) drummer for D.F.L. Messex fingers a Polaroid taken
earlier of Davis and the Chinese food delivery man and assures the strangely
handsome Davis that it is, in fact, not the worst picture ever taken
of him-that he actually has seen one worse. "Yeah, Tom," jokes
Messex, "you do sort of look like that guy from the Hellraiser
movies." Avoiding retort, Messex then swiftly moves on to a somewhat
convoluted history on the origins of D.F.L. or "Dead Fucking Last"
(an ambitious acronym guaranteeing them the final, therefore most prestigious,
spot on any concert bill). "Me and Adam (Horovitz) and Bela (Messex's
three-year-old son) went out to breakfast at Kokomo's, and Adam says,
"Yeah I'd like to start a hardcore band," and then we said,
"Who can we get to play the drums?," and the first choice
was, of course, Mike D... no no no, the first choice was my brother,
Mike Messex, and then we got... oh yeah, and to sing, well actually,
I wanted to get Max (Perlich), see, and Adam wanted Tom...."

"No see, what
happened, was this," pipes in Perlich, (actor, car collector, male
model, and conspiracy theorist), looming in the corner and intent on
setting the record straight: "I have my own group, Shack Crew,
and so I couldn't be the singer, and Tom is an underground, well, he's
this underground, he's way under the ground..."

"No, dude,
" Davis counters, "I became the singer because I had lessons
from Led Zeppelin."

"So, before
Tom signed on," says Messex, (talking over Perlich, who is wildly
explaining how the U.S. Government will blow up one of Saturn's rings,
causing what he calls a mini-ice age), "it was just me and Adam
(on bass) and Mike (D, on drums) and we recorded a D.A.T., but when
Tom joined us, he became the driving force of D.F.L. and remains so
to this day." Messex blows out some air and collects himself: "Without
Tom," he concludes, "I would still be in my kitchen playing
my guitar by myself."

"Yeah, but
he's definitely the boss," Davis says, reaching under the futon
frame for his pager, which had just popped out of his hand. "You
gotta watch what you say 'cause you'll get fired pretty fast."

"You're the
one...see that...We really should talk about Tom's penchant for firing
people," says Messex, over Davis's feeble groaning. "First,
he hurried Max out of the band, then he kicked out Mike D...and of all
the people to kick out of the band, his own brother-in-law," says
Messex, shaking his head, while Davis shrugs. "And then he wanted
to kick me out of the band for a while, then I think Adam was next to
go. You know, I think I even heard something about Julius..." At
this point, Mosley looks mildly alarmed, but comments emphatically how
much he enjoys playing with these guys.

"I don't know,
man." Davis says, displaying some of his new underwater karate
surfing moves, "I might just go and get a job with the New Kids."

At this time, D.F.L.
were currently gearing up to play an early set at the first Los Angeles
date of the 1993 Lollapalooza tour. "The good thing about playing
at 8 A.M. at Lollapalooza, " Messex explains, seriously, "is
that we're going to avoid all the heat. It's gonna be a really hot day."

Until Davis drops
the guillotine, Brian Baker (of Minor Threat) will be providing his
expertise on bass. Fresh out of the studio with producer Mario C, D.F.L.
have just completed their first Grand Royal-issued record, which Davis
describes as sort of like himself-"yeah...it's 7 inches and lasts
for 13 minutes."

Dino Dinco is
a Los Angeles-based writer and snoop, who isn't nearly as strangely
good-looking as Tom Davis.

UPDATE: In mid-August
D.F.L. stormed the second stage at Lollapalooza when the travelling
alternative rock fest came to L.A. The first day passed without incident,
but on the second day of shows, the D.F.L. set was augmented by an undulating
fan crazed on acid who darted in and out of the crowd and finally made
a mad dash for the backstage area. Security guards were in hot pursuit
when the freak suddenly stopped, bent over and wretched. This surreal
moment was appreciated by all and captured on film by the latest D.F.L.
drummer, Tony Converse. The weekend ended on a wild note the next night
when D.F.L. played the Troubadour. At the end of a relatively mellow
set, an unidentified member of the band (or their posse) lit off a smoke
bomb which cleared the club, annoyed the steriod-enhanced bouncers and
prompted the L.A. Times to shake its head and cluck that, "in truth,
the boring and unoriginal hardcore quartet D.F.L., was the only act
that didn't provide any musical interest."