“Us leeches and our internet,” I sighed with a laugh. But my smile faded as we plunged into the depths of the ocean. Quickly, I willed my gills into existence, but this did not erase my fear. My fear did not last long, however, as we reached the volcanic island in a matter of seconds, thanks to my hot boyfriend’s skillz.

We made our way across the giant rock that was the island. I looked up to the top of the volcano. Jacob was standing there, waving and waiting. This was going to be fun.

The other Cullens arrived a few minutes later, Rosalie carrying Renesmee, who seemed delighted to be involved in the activity we had met up for.

“Hey Edward!” Rosalie greeted him, completely ignoring me.

To be polite, I said, “Hello there, Rosalie. Are you ready to play Pass the Parasite?” I gestured to Renesmee.

“Get away from me, you horrific loser,” Rosalie said to me politely.

“Now who wants to go first?” Jacob called from the top of the volcano.

“I will!” I said happily. I took Renesmee from Rosalie’s hands and thrust her to the top of the volcano, where Jacob, in wolf form, caught her in his mouth. He retrieved her from his mouth and tossed her back to me, all the while screaming “Good one, Bells!” in his wolf-enese language that I had been studying.

“Thanks, Jake!” I called back with my tongue clicks and growls of wolf-enese, catching Renesmee in my arms. She was still giggling with excitement from the thrill of Pass the Parasite.

“My turn!” Edward exclaimed joyfully, grabbing Renesmee from me and thrusting her with all his might towards the volcano where Jacob stood. Renesmee’s little body spun around three-hundred-sixty degrees quite slowly before Jacob caught her in his mouth again.

As he once again retrieved Renesmee from his mouth and passed her to our little group way below him, he shouted “Good one, you filthy bloodsucking leech monster thing with gills!”

What Edward’s intended response was going to be was a grotesque word, but due to his poor wolf-enese skills, Edward accidentally told Jacob to “live among the pixies.”

Emmett went next, and then Alice and Carlisle. But Jasper ruined the fun for everybody on his turn.

“Here you go, Jasper,” Carlisle said, tossing Renesmee to his son.

Jasper caught Renesmee and threw her with all his might towards Jacob. But Jacob missed this time, and Renesmee plunged into the volcano headfirst, laughing all the way.

“Jasper!” Edward yelled. “Whenever we play a game with you, you always lose the ball!”

“Yeah, Jasper!” Emmett sighed. “Can’t you do anything right?”

“Of course not,” Edward spat. “He’s a failure at life and he should go in a corner where nobody can see him!”

Jasper gave his brothers quite a rude hand gesture and scowled, fighting back tears.

“Next week, we’re using you as the ball, Jasper,” Carlisle decided. “It’s only fair.”

“No, Jasper, it’s okay,” I assured them.

“Bella,” Edward sighed. “You’re always trying to defend Jasper! Just like at your eighteenth birthday party! Can’t you realize he’s just a failure and there’s nothing that can be done about it?”

“That’s not true!” I said. “Don’t worry, Jasper, Edward and I can always get a new Renesmee.”

“Come to think of it,” Edward began, “I guess we can get a new Renesmee. In fact, why don’t we conceive one now, Bella? We’ll just find a little house somewhere on this island and remove all of the pillows to ensure that I don’t cover you in feathers again!”

“Great idea, Edward!” I exclaimed.

And we frolicked off into the distance to repeat chapters 5-7 of Breaking Dawn.