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Getting Even

Woody Allen's early comic fiction was heavily influenced by the zany, pun-ridden humor of S.J. Perelman. And now, for the first time, Woody Allen narrates one of his early collections of short stories, Getting Even. Listen to Woody Allen revenge himself on such significant subjects as death, obesity, organized crime, the invention of the sandwich, and much more.

Mere Anarchy

For the first time ever, hear Woody Allen’s Mere Anarchy in the author’s own distinctive and hilarious voice. Here, in his first short-story collection since his three classics Getting Even, Without Feathers, and Side Effects, Allen has managed to write a book that answers the most profound questions of human existence.

Side Effects

Now, available in audio for the first time, Side Effects is narrated by Woody Allen himself. A humor classic by one of the world’s funniest writers, Side Effects is a treat for Allen fans and those just discovering how gifted he is. In classics including "Remembering Needleman", "The Kugelmass Episode", "Confessions of a Burglar", and others, Allen discusses such subjects as the nature of relativity, the UFO menace, and the predicament of modern man.

A Confederacy of Dunces

The hero of John Kennedy Toole's incomparable, Pulitzer Prize-winning comic classic is one Ignatius J. Reilly, "huge, obese, fractious, fastidious, a latter-day Gargantua, a Don Quixote of the French Quarter". His story bursts with wholly original characters, denizens of New Orleans' lower depths, incredibly true-to-life dialogue, and the zaniest series of high and low comic adventures.

Slaughterhouse-Five

Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).

The Sirens of Titan

The richest, most depraved man on Earth, Malachi Constant, is offered a chance to take a space journey to distant worlds with a beautiful woman at his side. Of course, there's a catch to the invitation....

Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)

For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut. Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

In his newest collection of essays, David Sedaris lifts the corner of ordinary life, revealing the absurdity teeming below its surface. His world is alive with obscure desires and hidden motives, a world where forgiveness is automatic and an argument can be the highest form of love. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim is another unforgettable collection from one of the wittiest and most original writers at work today.

Stein on Writing: A Master Editor Shares His Craft, Techniques, and Strategies

Stein on Writing provides immediately useful advice for writers of fiction and nonfiction, whether newcomers or accomplished professionals. As Sol Stein, renowned editor, author, and instructor, explains, "This is not a book of theory. It is a book of usable solutions, how to fix writing that is flawed, how to improve writing that is good, how to create interesting writing in the first place."

How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life

Scott Adams has likely failed at more things than anyone you’ve ever met or anyone you’ve even heard of. So how did he go from hapless office worker and serial failure to the creator of Dilbert, one of the world’s most famous syndicated comic strips, in just a few years? In How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big, Adams shares the strategy he has used since he was a teen to invite failure in, to embrace it, then pick its pocket.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

This thought-provoking journal of a man's quest for truth - and for himself - has touched and changed an entire generation, and is ready to reach out to a new one. At its heart, the story is all too simple: a man and his son take a motorcycle trip across America. But this is not a simple trip at all, for around every corner, their pilgrimage leads them to new vistas of self-discovery and renewal.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Golden Globe-winning actor Michael C. Hall (Six Feet Under) performs Truman Capote's masterstroke about a young writer's charmed fascination with his unorthodox neighbor, the "American geisha" Holly Golightly. Holly - a World War II-era society girl in her late teens - survives via socialization, attending parties and restaurants with men from the wealthy upper class who also provide her with money and expensive gifts. Over the course of the novella, the seemingly shallow Holly slowly opens up to the curious protagonist.

Publisher's Summary

Now in audio for the first time, Without Feathers is narrated by Woody Allen himself. Here they are: 16 of the funniest tales and ruminations ever recorded, by one of the great comic minds of our time. From "The Whore of Mensa", to "Fabulous Tales & Mythical Beasts", to "No Kaddish for Weinstein", old and new Allen fans will laugh themselves silly over these sparkling gems. A small sample: "Getting through the night is becoming harder and harder," writes Allen in his "secret" journal. "Last evening I had the uneasy feeling that some men were trying to break into my room to shampoo me."

Without Feathers delivers more of Allen's New Yorker-style humor. Worthy stand-outs include "If the Impressionists Had Been Dentists", a genius piece that puts oral surgery in a whole new, much more exciting light. Throughout, Allen grapples in his wildly inventive way with the targets that obsess him: death, God (or lack of God), women (or lack of women), intellectuals, the arts, and even wildlife.

There is a distinct romantic strain that runs through much of his writings, which the author describes as "either Byronic or moronic". Allen is forever at war with the universe and claims unequivocally that he is "at two with nature". His artistic ambition, as he puts it, is to "forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race. And then see if I can get them mass-produced in plastic."

Woody Allen's short-story collections Without Feathers, Side Effects, Getting Even, and Mere Anarchy are available separately or together as part of The Woody Allen Collection.

What the Critics Say

"Throughout my life, literally thousands of people have made me feel inadequate, but none more so than Woody Allen." (Larry David, Producer, Writer, Actor)"Woody Allen brought modern comedy to the cinema screen." (Ricky Gervais)

What can I say- like pretty much everybody I'm a big fan of Woody Allen. And I was excited to find out that he teamed up with Audible to read and release this and his other short story collections. I admit, though, that I was a little apprehensive. Allen is great, there's no question, but he is getting on in years, so I worried that his narration might not turn out so well. Thankfully, I had nothing to worry about. This collection is largely jokes, and his delivery is fantastic. I'd tried to get through this in print format before, and had never been able- but listening to it, it's like an awesome late night monologue. I'm not sure I would recommend this if you weren't a Woody Allen fan already, but if you are, I think you'll really like it.

I like to hear his odd weird thoughts. The biggest problem was W. Allen did not pause enough. I had to stop the tape frequently to think about what was said or to laugh. It’s like rushing from one joke to the next with no time to laugh.

I love this book. I read it years ago, when it first came out. Back then, I was enchanted with Woody Allen's non sequitur humor and witty phrasing. Over the years, I've found myself quoting bits and pieces from the stories in this book. Woody Allen's early work is, I think, his funniest - when he was a new and fresh voice in the entertainment industry.

Finding an audiobook form of Without Feathers was a pleasant surprise. The fact that Woody Allen himself reads his work, makes this a priceless addition to my library. This is Woody Allen at his best.

Brings back fond memories of laughing at Woody Allen movies with my dad when I was a kid. I especially liked Mythical Beasts - I think the animal with the head of a crab and the body of a CPA may be a relative.

"The next day, I contemplated suicide again - this time, by inhaling next to an insurance salesman." Woody Allen is the funniest writer in history, which is well documented in these collections of humorous essays. He was also a hilarious stand-up comedian and comic actor, talents which make him the greatest narrator imaginable for his own writings. These audio books are a non-stop laugh fest. This collection is priceless - funnier than you can imagine. Grab it - it's worth its weight in laughs."How wrong Emily Dickinson was. Hope is not 'the thing with feathers'. 'The thing with feathers' turns out to be my nephew. Must bring him to see a specialist."

If you like the New Yorker's "Shouts & Murmurs" section, you might like this. I say that because the writing here reminds the deadpan style that section seems to favor.<br/>I have never once laughed at Shouts & Murmurs. On the rare occasions when I start something there, I never finish it.<br/>I'm not going to finish this, either.

What was most disappointing about Woody Allen’s story?

It's just not funny. It's a bunch of non sequiturs and inside jokes about psychoanalysis and people failing to get electrocuted when they stick their noses in light sockets. I do like Woody Allen's movies, so I'm not sure why I don't like this. It just seems sort of dumb to me, which is the way I feel about Shouts & Murmurs (see above.) But the New Yorker sells. Somebody must like it. Just not me.

What three words best describe Woody Allen’s performance?

Woody Allen Deadpanning.

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Boredom, mystification, growing disappointment for about 20 minutes or so followed by , indifference and the choice to try something else. I just returned "Too Big to Fail" because Sorkin is a despicable shill for the banksters and I didn't want him to have my money. I didn't feel that I could get a refund on this in good conscience, at least so soon after getting a refund before, because after all, they do offer an advance listen. But I kind of wish I hadn't bought it.

I used to be the biggest Woody Allen fan - I would be first in the queue at the release of his latest movies - the lobster scene in Annie Hall was a classic and Hannah and Her Sisters was one of my all time favorite movies, but I had never read any of his books. I listened to a few of these short stories and was shocked at their stupidity and how puerile they were and in some cases they were actually offensive.

I wonder have I grown up or should I get therapy? One things for sure I won't be finishing these books.