wanna chat?

Summary:

Notes:

sorry for the writing dry spell D: i promise that i’m working on tangled ribbons, i’m pretty close to finishing the chapter. thank you for being patient. but i needed to chill out last night and that somehow became....................this? originally i wasn't gonna post it here because i mean...it's just me fooling around? but i feel REALLY BAD about not posting ANYTHING so take the garbage i guess

ok but be honest, we’re all impressed that i didn’t do this like several months ago

Chapter Text

the real ladybug™: marinette is no longer deprived of the princess bride

drop the bass: ayyy nice

old fart: Did you like it?

flour power: The effects were shit

drop the bass: maybe but that humor

old fart: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

the real ladybug™: its an iconic™ movie

old fart: Honestly it’s why I started fencing

flour power: Seriously??

drop the bass: sweeeeeeet

old fart: Yeah! The actors did almost all the sword fight scenes themselves and I just thought that was so cool. Plus, opportunity to be an actual knight in shining armor

the real ladybug™: u r fucking adorable

drop the bass: youre my knight in shining armor dude <3

old fart: <3 And I’d love to continue this conversation, but I have a shoot tomorrow at six and I want to get some sleep first

drop the bass: wOW adrien agreste SLEEPING

the real ladybug™: lol

old fart: I’m going to ignore that. Goodnight!

the real ladybug™: night marsh!!

flour power: sleep well

drop the bass: love you bro

the real ladybug™: quick now that the goody two shoes is gone set everything on fire

drop the bass: wtf

the real ladybug™: lbr adrien is like 90% of the impulse control in this group

flour power: Yeeeeaaaahh no youre not setting my living room on fire

drop the bass: listen if you want fire just listen to my mixtape AYO

the real ladybug™: thats it im breaking up w u

drop the bass: good thing i have adrien to love me then

the real ladybug™: well IM cuddling mari right now so whos the REAL WINNER

flour power: Um yes Im trying to enjoy bad animated movies and fall asleep so can we maybe chill in the group chat

drop the bass: yeah i got work in the morning anyway peace out

flour power: Night! From Alya too shes just groaning about having already put her phone down

drop the bass: lazy butt

5:34

old fart has changed their name to undead zombie model

undead zombie model: A reminder to eat breakfast and drink some water. Hope you got more sleep than I did. See you whenever I get a break

7:48

drop the bass: damn dude youre actually sunshine will do my man

10:02

the real ladybug™: the shit u ppl doing up so early

flour power: They have jobs Please get off of me I cant feel my arm

the real ladybug™: sry boo

11:24

undead zombie model: What expression do you make when your mom brings you a big plate of spaghetti?

the real ladybug™: um listen marsh my mom may be a chef but as a very mature teenager i make most of my own food so my expression when i make myself a cup of instant noodles is kinda this dead inside thing

undead zombie model: …yeah not exactly what I was looking for

flour power: Modeling?

undead zombie model: Yeah. Not sure why this photographer always insists on using that metaphor

flour power: Go full on patronus on it Happiest memories Favorite jokes People you love Cast that patronus

undead zombie model: That might actually work Thanks!

flour power: Youre welcome! Good luck!!!

13:04

drop the bass: bro you better be thinking of me

18:34

undead zombie model: Is everyone okay?

drop the bass: i was on the other side of the city didnt even know it was happening until we got the news bulletin to stay inside long way of saying im good dude

undead zombie model: Alya? Marinette?

flour power: Im Good Sorry hit enter

the real ladybug™: CHAT NOIR SAVED MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

drop the bass: whoa breathe babe

the real ladybug™: NEVER I GOT CLOSE UP PICS!!!!!!!

flour power: What do you mean he saved you?

the real ladybug™: I ALMOST GOT HIT AND CHAT JUMPED IN AND GRABBED ME AND POLE VAULTED ME UP TO THE ROOF OF A BUILDING!!!!!!! AND I WAS LIVESTREAMJNG THE WHOLE TIME FUCK YEAH

undead zombie model: You should really be more careful, Alya. That sounds like a close call

the real ladybug™: pff i was fine noir had me besides ladybug has her cleansing magic to save the day no worries marshmallow i will show up to ur house if u want a hug tho

flour power: Ladybug has her magic but I mean we should probably still be careful right??

drop the bass: i guess that makes sense but als not wrong about ladybug fixing everything

undead zombie model: I’m not home right now, but hugs would be appreciated. That was a more destructive akuma than usual, I think we should all be more careful

the real ladybug™: jeez when did u 2 become my parents

flour power: Just wanna see you safe love

the real ladybug™: sometimes u gotta put urself in danger for the scoop

undead zombie model: Of course we can, but I think you probably need some sleep

the real ladybug™: the sun has spoken

flour power: If it werent after 22 Id come check on you but it is kind of late

undead zombie model: You were up pretty late last night with the akuma attack

flour power: Adriens right Maybe you should go to bed

the real ladybug™: wait i thought u 2 were the children i am your parents

drop the bass: i cant tell if im really tired or if i actually have no idea whats going on in this chat

flour power: Go with both

drop the bass: sounds good bro

the real ladybug™: i love u too nino i love u and i love our children

undead zombie model: I feel like you lost me somewhere

the real ladybug™: DONT WORRY ILL FIND YOU SUNSHINE

flour power: Ok time for bed Al We all love you too and we will see you in the morning

the real ladybug™: if the light of my life insists

flour power: She does

the real ladybug™: goODNIGHT

undead zombie model: Goodnight

drop the bass: what the fuck just happened

flour power: And that is what happens when Alya goes too many nights with not enough sleep

undead zombie model: How do you know how much sleep she gets?

flour power: Blog activity

undead zombie model: OH

drop the bass: yeah now that i think about it that shouldve been obvious

flour power: Not to mention it’s really easy to tell when she goes running after akuma after midnight

undead zombie model: Also true

drop the bass: dude it sucks that there are more night akumas like i mean akumas suck in general but man it must really suck for chat and ladybug i barely sleep when there are night akumas and im not even fighting

flour power: Maybe they nap during the day

undead zombie model: Or just run on not enough sleep Like the rest of us

drop the bass: listen dude i know you run on like 5 hours of sleep but those two must run on even less rip them

flour power: I was up late last night too The akuma was close by, couldnt sleep Talk to you tomorrow!

drop the bass: night mar

undead zombie model: See you tomorrow!

drop the bass: i think thats supposed to cue us to go to sleep too

undead zombie model: Sleep is for the weak

drop the bass: bruh ill see you in the morning for coffee night my man <3

Chapter Text

starving and dying inside: :P I cant find my under eye concealer anywhere D’:Ughhhhh wtf I look like I got punched in the face

the real ladybug™: ayy morning mari my love but thats to be expected i meanwho can get any sleep with all these akuma attacks??

drop the bass: adrien

undead zombie model: What?

drop the bass: and his noise canceling headphones

the real ladybug™ renamed this conversation to “noise canceling headphones”.

starving and dying inside: WHere did it gooooo??????????? Come back to me concealerD: D: D:

undead zombie model: Do you want to borrow some of mine?We don’t have the same skin tone but I found some stuff that I had for winter and never got rid of, and it supposedly adjusts to your skin tone? It might be better than nothing

the real ladybug™: apology accepted thats y u have me to tell u these thingsnow do u think itll work

undead zombie model: I’m going to take a guess and go with no

drop the bass: yeah gonna have to side with adrien hereprobably not gonna happen babe

the real ladybug™: this is rude

undead zombie model: Just being honestBesides, what if Chat’s superhearing doesn’t work when he’s not Chat Noir?

the real ladybug™: …….. wellshit

starving and dying inside: There goes your plan huh?

the real ladybug™: shhhhHHHH IVE GOT THIS

the real ladybug™ has renamed this conversation to “endless screaming. forever.”.

undead zombie model: Well I guess that’s one way to handle it

the real ladybug™: they will hear me eventually

drop the bass: jfc

23:27

the real ladybug™: ok what about this

starving and dying inside: Uh oh

drop the bass: i knew this chat was too quiet

the real ladybug™: shut up this has nothing to do with screaming

undead zombie model has renamed this conversation to “nothing to do with screaming”.

the real ladybug™: marshmallow plEASE

undead zombie model: Continue

the real ladybug™: u know how when ladybug and chat do press stuff theres like a million people around what if like they were in an area w a speaker system and someone hacked itand started blasting music

starving and dying inside: ????? WhatWhy

undead zombie model: Good question

drop the bass: what the hell babe why would anyone do that

the real ladybug™: what if someone did thatwhat would happen

starving and dying inside: Music would be playing????????

the real ladybug™: ye but likewhat would happen

undead zombie model: I think this is a sign that no one has been able to get enough sleep the past few weeks

the real ladybug™: ye cramping my groovegot a problme with it m. off the chain??

rockin’ the beats: fuck you

4:01

the real ladybug™: guys what the hell is this commericla the duck fuck theyr bowling w perfume why whati dont

starving and dying inside has changed their name to shut up im sleeping

undead zombie model has changed their name to dead model

rockin’ the beats has changed their name to fuck this

the real ladybug™: k fuk u all of u and pls explain this commericaly would u bowl perfmue bottles

shut up im sleeping: Why are you still awakeThe attack ended five minutes ago

the real ladybug™: lol 5 minutes fuck hawk moth right in the butt kick him in the dick repeatedly and when he falls to the ground kick him in the sidei need hawk moth to b l e e d

fuck this: holy shit

dead model: That was too graphic for 4 in the morning

the real ladybug™: its never too early for literally murdering hawk moth where the fukc is my sleepand why the fuck are they boWLING PERFUME BOTTESL WHATSS HAPPENIDNG

fuck this: babe please go to bed

the real ladybug™: im literally dying

shut up im sleeping: Alya please try to sleepWe still have school in the monring

fuck this: fuck knows why

dead model: We can’t just stop school because of Hawk Moth. Maybe if they were more rare than every few days

the real ladybug™: can i cry

dead model: I’ll bring coffee

the real ladybug™: GOD BLESS US<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

fuck this: cool goodnight

shut up im sleeping: zzzzzzzzz

4:23

the real ladybug™: wait shit imt he only one with my original namewhen the whole squad moves on but you cant :’(

dead model: PleasePlease go to sleep

the real ladybug™: but ur awake sunshine

dead model: The actual sun will be awake soon, you need sleep

the real ladybug™: lol wats that

dead model: Alya please

the real ladybug™: babe

dead model: Sorry, not NinoBut he’d be telling you to sleep too. If he were awake. Which he’s not. Because he’s sleeping. Like you should be

the real ladybug™: u r my bae too ur all my baes were all dating each otheri just decided

dead model: Okay Well We can talk about this in a few hours When I bring you coffee at schoolBut you need to get some sleep first

the real ladybug™: what or ull break up w me?

dead model: Yes

the real ladybug™: o shitthis got real

dead model: Go to sleep?

the real ladybug™: ill lay in bed and pretend

dead model: Good enough for meNight

the real ladybug™: night marshmallowilysm

7:12

fuck this: fuck this

the real ladybug™: uve already told us that with ur usernmae

fuck this: well then it needs to be said againfuck this

the real ladybug™: think we could make school night school cuz like the fuckhow is this fair to literally anyone

dead model: Life’s not fair

the real ladybug™: bae listenim too tired for that bullshit

fuck this: ^^^^^^^^^^

dead model: I promised I would bring coffee, I’m bringing coffee

the real ladybug™: still #deadinsidebut ily

fuck this: why do i get the feeling you love adrien more than you love me

the real ladybug™: i dobut you also love him more than me

fuck this: ok thats fair

the real ladybug™: mari also loves adrien more than both of us all of us love adrien more than life itselfthis is a fact of the universe

fuck this: true bro

shut up im sleeping: What about loving Adrien

the real ladybug™: MARI!!!! <3 <3 <3

fuck this: shit youre awake??

dead model: Hey! Morning Mari!

shut up im sleeping: Ahahahaha you say that like I slept

the real ladybug™: rip

fuck this: ^^

shut up im sleeping has changed their name to #dead

dead model: Me too

the real ladybug™: MATCHING USERNAMES!!!!!!!!

#dead: Were teenagersWere all dead inside

11:02

the real ladybug™: ok but for real this timethis is no longer fair to lb and cn

fuck this: no offense al but i get the feeling that maybe just mabyehm doesnt care if its not fair

the real ladybug™: k YEAH but what does hm DO ALL DAY DOES HE JUST STAND AROUND SENDING OUT AKUMA LIKE FUCK THAT GET OUT HERE AND THROW A PUNCH FOR ONCE BE A REAL SUPERVILLAIN BECAUSE YOURE NOT YOURE A COWARD A COWARD WHO IS ATTACKING TEENAGERS (i think) GET YOUR ASS OUT HEREFIGHT THEM LIKE THE VILLAIN YOU CLAIM TO BE

fuck this: better?

the real ladybug™: im gonna punch him in the dick

11:36

#dead: Alya why did you post ‘lets all get together and punch hawk moth in the dick’ on the ladyblog tumblr

the real ladybug™: bc im gonna do it

dead model: We’d need to find Hawk Moth first

the real ladybug™: fine ill find hm and ill punch him in the dick break his noseand rip out his spine

dead model: I thought you reserved that for 4 in the morning

the real ladybug™: babe thats my secretim always angry

fuck this: i feel like thats exactly what hm wants

the real ladybug™: if he akumatizes me again im gonna use that to fucking murder him

#dead: WowHow would that work??

the real ladybug™: idk still working on it

the real ladybug™ has changed their name to jinkies!

jinkes! renamed this conversation to “mystery inc”.

fuck this: if youre velma who are the rest of us

jinkies!: well marshmallow is clearly freddie bc hes the dashing blond he may not have an ascot or be the leader (bc thats clearly me) but hes got the charmchange ur name marsh

Notes:

"#but also we were thinking about adrinette chip discourse #it would be like #a 10k word chapter in wanna chat" reyna barely even asked buT HERE I AMrey, frostedpuffs, and itsnotyou-itsmimi were arguing over salt and vinegar chips and i got dragged into the #chipdiscourse and here we are

i mean other stuff happens. but the discourse is the important thing here

Chapter Text

blake: Im I can tdo it I cant This isnt????? Fuck FUCK Sjit I dont Im so How am I so BAD aat alk of thdis

freddie: What’s wrong?

blake: I cant DOI T Im such a FAILURE

freddie: Mari Mari I don’t know what’s wrong but you’re not a failure

blake: Yes I am Im such Im going to FIAL ANd never gradtuate And die pennyless adn alone and ic ant

PM between blake and freddie

freddie: Mari, you can talk to me What’s wrong? What happened? And how can I help?

blake: FUCK ITS SO S TIPD

freddie: What is it?

blake: youll thimk im pathetic

freddie: No, I really won’t I promise

blake: Its physics I just I did SO BADLY on the test an d I dont know what s going ON And I dont know what i dont know And everyone else knows what they re doing and IM just

freddie: Mar that’s not true Like over half the class doesn’t know what they’re doing Physics is hard it’s a different type of science with a different way of thinking And none of us have been getting much sleep or studying done You aren’t the only one who’s confused right now I promise

blake: YOU know what youre doing

freddie: Yeah I do You know why? Because I was homeschooled Having a private tutor is way different than learning in a classroom The teaching style can be tailored to you and you can go at your own pace I finished chemistry early and moved onto physics I’ve been doing physics for months longer than you It’s not that I’m smarter

blake: ok bu t you ARE

freddie: If I am smarter than you, you’re smarter than me in other ways Intelligence isn’t so black and white

blake: But I SHOULD be getting this?????? What isn t clikcing Why cant I jsut GET IT Why is all im able to do rn is cry

freddie: Are you home?

blake: Im not going to do anything Im jus t Not doing corrections because Im so frustrated with my self right now

freddie: That’s not why I was asking Do your parents know you’re upset?

blake: Theyre working they shouldnt have to deal with m e

freddie: I’m coming over

blake: Wait what

freddie: You shouldn’t have to be alone when you’re so upset And I might be able help with physics a little bit Or at least with test corrections

blake: No dont I dont want yout o see me cry And as soon as I try to do this Im going to cry

freddie: Mari I really don’t care if I see you crying It’s ok to be upset about this I’d send Alya over but she’s not responding

blake: … Promise not to think differently of me if y ou see me breakdown

freddie: I’m at Mari’s I’m helping her with homework I got up to go to the bathroom and when I got back she was asleep on her textbook I didn’t want to wake her up so I started the physics homework And then I fell asleep She’s still out cold

jinkies!: huh is she ok

freddie: Uh… She’s doing better

jinkies!: dammit i wish i couldve been there for her but thank u for helping her out

freddie: Of course What are friends for

jinkies!: idk taking naps apparently

18:57

zoinks: yo peeps in case you didnt see essay got pushed back a night because of the attack last night which is awesome because i havent started it yet

jinkes!: hell fucking yeah hawk moth is fina;;y doing us a sold

blake has changed their name to F=ma

zoinks: ayyy welcome back to the land of hte living mar

jinkies!: :( the end of an era rip the mystery inc crew 4ever alive in my heart

F=ma: Im dead

jinkes!: wait get this physics out of my group chat this instant young lady

F=ma: Fuck you you arent my real mom

freddie has changed their name to p=mv

jinkies!: unbelievable betrayed by the sunshine son

zoinks: oh are we doing this now

jinkies!: NO

zoinks has changed their name to some physics shit

some physics shit: pretend i tried

p=mv: Works for me

F=ma: Im in hell

p=mv: You use physics every single day

F=ma: Exactly

jinkies!: im disowning all of u right now get out of my house

some physics shit: we need to be at your house to get out of it

jinkies!: ok get ur asses over here and then get out of my house actually

jinkies! has renamed this conversation to “my house”.

jinkies!: now get out

p=mv: Or you’ll do what?

jinkies! has removed p=mv from this group.

jinkies!: that

F=ma: This is bullshit

jinkies!: #kicked

jinkies! has removed F=ma from this group.

some physics shit: this is brutal babe

jinkies!: do u want 2 b next?

some physics shit: yes, actually

jinkies!: ovr u

jinkies! has removed some physics shit from this group.

jinkies!: take that nerds

PM between jinkies! and F=ma

F=ma: You realize youre in a group chat by yourself now right

jinkies!: just how i always wanted

F=ma: Jfc al

PM between jinkies! and some physics shit

some physics shit: lol babe

jinkies!: fucking fiGHT EM NINO

some physics shit: later my dude enjoy being alone

jinkies!: i dont NEED u ppl

some physics shit: mhm

19:06

p=mv added some physics shit and F=ma to this group.

p=mv renamed this conversation to “lol”.

p=mv: lol

F=ma: Wow real mature

p=mv: Was Alya mature?

F=ma: Are any of us ever mature

some physics shit: fuck no

F=ma: There we go Als gonna flip shit

p=mv: This is her own fault

some physics shit: truuuuuuuu

19:11 in my house

jinkies!: fuck u pieces of shit i hate u all and u cant even see me hating u fuuuuuck

Notes:

back to all the fun stuff next time. but they're teenagers. and teenagers aren't always fun.

not guilty: bette r believe it al also better get some sleep im crashing peace

little shit: Talk to you in the morning

smad: pls dont say ur leaving me

little shit: Probably in a minute?? I need sleep So do you

smad: :( :( :(

little shit: The sooner you go to bed the sooner the others will be up And the sooner you’ll see us at school

smad: tru thats tru man u gotta pull the bae card on me

little shit: Yeah well you need sleep I’ll pull any cards I need to

smad: ur really not that much of a little shit

little shit: Only sometimes

smad: pfff ilysm

little shit: Get some sleep??

smad: fine ill try

little shit: Thanks <3

smad: damn ur cute

little shit: Night Alya

smad: night marsh

6:23

zzz: Stab me Also hawkmoth

little shit: Dammit

6:34

smad: i hope lb and cn take their time

not guilty: same honestly i gotta finish math

smad: best of luck my love

7:02

zzz: THat was Too Loud

not guilty: i got better headphones and man was adrien right about this one 10/10 would recommend pricey as fuck though

zzz: I need food

smad: bab u live above a bakery

zzz: I need greasy food Or chips

not guilty: i gotchu man ill bring them to school and you can sneak them between classes

zzz: Youre actually a godsend

not guilty: guilty as charged

little shit: You might need to change your screen name then Also eat something that’s not chips before school because trust me. Chips will not get you through the day

smad: lol speak from experience?

little shit: Yes Mistakes have been made

not guilty: rip

smad: rest in pepperoni

20:19

little shit has changed their name to doctor agreste

not guilty has changed their name to nurse nino

smad: the fuck did i miss

zzz: Guys I was NAPPING Im gonna mute you people again

smad has changed their name to lost and confused

zzz has changed their name to crying

doctor agreste: I can’t stop watching

nurse nino: dude i KNOW its a d d i c t i v e

crying: What is?????

nurse nino: weve been watching all the hospital and doctor shows on netflix

crying: ………………… Why

doctor agreste: Because they’re good to binge And because DRAMA

nurse nino: mari. listen. once you watch one episode you cant stop ive been watching since school got out and i went over adriens i really just need to know if dr rowland and dr ribero are gonna bang or not

crying: ………………… The fuck

lost and confused: link me

doctor agreste: Are you sure? There’s like 12 seasons and we’ve already made the mistake of getting addicted

lost and confused renamed this conversation “link. me.”.

crying: Im going back to napping Have fun with your hospital sex

nurse nino: we will

doctor agreste: rabbit? because im about to start the midseason finale

nurse nino: oh sHIT DUDE HMU I GOTTA KNOW IF TABITHA IS GONNA LIVE

doctor agreste: WHAT ABOUT STACEY’S BABY

lost and confused: GET YOUR SPOILERS THE FUCK OUT OF THE GROUP CHAT

00:13

lost and confused: TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE DYING TO O FAST FOR ME O KNOW WHATS GOING ON INTHIS BULLSHIT UFKCING

crying: are there even any episodes where no one dies

doctor agreste: uhhhhh

lost and confused: so no

nurse nino: we did not say that

lost and confused: FUCK im still mad about jess dying i dONT NEED THIS

doctor agreste: Wait when did Jess die

lost and confused: like three episodes ago

nurse nino: o shit

doctor agreste: You’re going to die

lost and confused: FU C K

crying: I dont want to know. I dont

nurse nino: so are we continuing orrrrrr

doctor agreste: How is that even a quetion

crying: God why am I friends with any of you

00:45

crying: I really fucking want pasta

nurse nino: ok same??? mari come on way to ruin my night i cant make pasta now its after midnight why dude

doctor agreste: Yeah it probably doesn’t help that they just started eating dinner in the show

nurse nino: damn that pasta looks good

crying: .... Youre STILL watching????

doctor agreste: We have 12 seasons to get through

nurse nino: We’re dead inside

doctor agreste: And Stacey is cheating on Dilon with Ethan

lost and confused: YOU LITTLE SHITS

doctor agreste: Yikes gotta go

nurse nino: peace out

lost and confused: WHAT HTE FUCK

crying: I hate you all

2:30

lost and confused: i want fries

doctor agreste: Alya its 2:31 in the morning

lost and confused: i want fries

doctor agreste: But you can’t HAVE fries

lost and confused: why not

doctor agreste: Because it’s 2:30 in the morning?????????

crying has changed their name to marinette is tired

marinette is tired: I just want sleep :(

doctor agreste: Mari you can always mute the chat What I said yesterday always stands

marinette is tired: /sigh Not the point Akuma A really close one too

nurse nino: oh shit thats what we get for having the show so loud

doctor agreste: Damn that’s Nathalie coming to check on me be back later gotta sleep

lost and confused: wait WAIT WAIT OH YM GDO

lost and confused has changed their name to ayyy

ayyy: I CAN GO OUT AND GET FRIES

nurse nino: the FUCK

ayyy: HALLELUJAH

nurse nino: NO YOU CANT

nurse nino has changed his name to niNO

ayyy: dicks out for hawk moth

niNO: no no nope dicks back in immediately

ayyy: LETS GO GET FRIES BABE

niNO: only because i think you might literally DIE if you go alone

ayy: !!!!!!!!!!! FRIES HERE I COME

3:13

ayyy: they didnt give me enough ketchup this is an outrage @hawkmoth this is an OUTRAGE akumatize me so i can get ketchup i need more ketchup

ayyy: AND THE GYY THAT BETH IS DATING??? HES SO CREEPY LOOKING WHAT IS IT

something about optimism: I TOLD YOU NINO

niNO: its the eyes

ayyy: its the mouth

something about optimism: Its his whole face

marinette is tired: Ok Im gonna leave now

niNO: mari nooooooo

marinette is tired: I dont want any of your hospital drama

ayyy: D:

niNO: mar you cant leave us whos gonna make sure we dont drown in doctor dramas

marinette is tired: You gotta figure that out for yourselves

something about optimism: …. Do I even care about their drama?

niNO: b r u h

ayyy: GASP

marinette is tired: No you dont

something about optimism: Why can’t I stop watching

marinette is tired: Is it melting your brain?

ayyy: meltybrain adriens akumatized form

something about optimism: What powers do I have

ayyy: good question

marinette is tired: HElp artists block

niNO: talk about relatable

marinette is tired: I HATE ART

ayyy: marinettes akumatized form

marinette is tired: IM BRUNING ALL MY AR T

niNO: bad idea

marinette is tired: iTS GONNA B U R N

something about optimism: Burn baby burn

niNO: no

ayyy: draw flowers flowers are flowery

marinette is tired has changed their name to flowers are flowery

niNO: i still have no ideas for my screenplay rip me

something about optimism: I’m really glad I’m not a creative person

flowers are flowery: Im still gonna set my sketchbook on fire

23:53

niNO: adrien makes people wander around in that stupor you get in once youve binged an entire season of netflix marinette has laser vision and sets stuff on fire

something about optimism: What

niNO: akuma powers

something about optimism: This feels like a weird thing to debate

ayyy: a little weird but al so i think adrien has already hit me i feel braindead this show is th e worst thing to ever happen to me

niNO: where you at

ayyy: duDE dEREK GOT AMY A CRIB BC HE WANTS TO WIROK IT OUT AMY FILED A RESTRAINING ORDER tehY DID IT AT THE SAME TIME C O M M U N I C A T E SDF:KJSD:KLFJSLDKFJSD:KLFJSDF

flowers are flowery: SHUT THE FUCK UP I WILL FUCKING LASER YOU WITH MY ALIEN FUCKING EYES AND EXPLODE YOUR FUCKING HEAD

niNO: holy shit

aaay: whoa

something about optimism: Are you ok????

flowers are flowery: I AM TRYING TO SLEEP

something about optimism: Why didn’t you mute the chat?

flowers are flowery: BECAUS E I DONT LIKE MUTING THE CHAT

something about optimism: Mute the caht and go to sleep

flowers are flowery: BUT THEN I MISS STUFF

something about optimism: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS MUTE THE CHAT

flowers are flowery: AHHHHHHH JUST STOP TALKING AN DLET ME SLEEP

something about optimism: I will literally come to your house and mute the chat

something about optimism renamed this conversation to “mute the chat”.

flowers are flowery: WHY ARENT YOU ASLEEP

something about optimism: I’m doing chinese

ayyy: ;)

something about optimism: Shut the fuck up Alya Why isn’t MARI asleep

flowers are flowery: BECAUSE YORUE ALL TALKING

something about optimism: MUTE THE CHAT

niNO: talk about lovers spat

ayyy: id be mad about how cute they are if i werent dating them

flowers are flowery: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

something about optimism: GOODNIGHT

1:47

niNO: FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK HAWK MOTH WHAT THE FU CK

ayyy: me too fuck this

2:24

ayyy: i dreamed a dream that hawk moth wasnt a fucking asshole

2:53

PM between flowers are flowery and something about optimism

something about optimism has sent a photosomething about optimism has sent a photo

flowers are flowery: whats thsi

something about optimism: I promised you I’ds end the physics homeowkr Pretend I can type rihgt now Yikes

flowers are flowery: you promised that?? oh oh you did sorry i forgot

something about optimism: Its ok Its really late

flowers are flowery: http://docs.google.com/document/d/139a321lo2119akew1991316lyse20h5aen2e521/edit heres the compare and contrast but i dont knowhow good it is just dont use the sam e exact words or do i dont actually care anymore

something about optimism: I have a thesaurus site open right now I’m just going to put random words through it

flowers are flowery: [‘V GBK AHHH SORRY IM SORRY IDINDT MEAN TO I FEEL ASLEEP AND MY HEAD HIT THE KEYBOARD but good plan thats a good plan. good yes

something about optimism: Go to sleep, Mar

flowers are flowery: i will i just need to copy physics? is that what i was doing?

something about optimism: Yeah but you have lunch to do that tomorrow

flowers are flowery: i do? oh my god i do

something about optimism: Go to sleep?

flowers are flowery: only if you do

something about optimism: Im only going to spend a few minutes on this

flowers are flowery: ok good im going ot log off now

something about optimism: Goodnight, bug

flowers are flowery: sleep well kitten

Notes:

Notes:

man writing is just not happening right now.

so i'm actually going to go back and edit this (surprise surprise) since i'm changing all the times to military time/24 hour time. also because i was super inconsistent with some of the skype commands and it's bothering me.

if you haven't read it, you should probably read sleep is good before this, since the reveal isn't actually explained in this.

this is shorter and less fun than usual but we'll get back to the memes next time i promise

Chapter Text

7:01

ayyy: id like to give a big shoutout to the people who submitted pics to the ladyblog
talk about the real mvps
dicks out for them

niNO: can we not keep dick s in
is that an option

ayyy: dicks out!!!1!!

7:59

something about optimism: Didn’t feel like going out last night al?

ayyy: helllllllll fukcing no
r u kidding???? 2:24 am???
i put in headphones and went bed
shit fam
its not worth it anymore

niNO: thankgod
im tired of running out after you

something about optimism has renamed conversation to “finally”.

ayyy: also my mom would kill me

something about optimism: Of course

ayyy: babe u dont need to protect me
ive got me
im good

niNO: you keep saying that
and yet i dont believe you

ayyy: adrien trusts me
dont you marsh?

something about optimism: I plead the fifth

ayyy: ????

niNO: wtf

something about optimism: its an american thing

ayyy: well fuck that
welCOME TO FRANCE

something about optimism: I think Alya needs more sleep

niNO: i think we all do

PM between something about optimism and flowers are flowery

something about optimism: Can we talk at lunch?

flowers are flowery: Oh
Uh yeah
Sure

11:53

niNO: does anyone have the chem hw
and by anyone
i mean adrien
the only one i trust

ayyy: i was gonna say rude
but same
thats so
same

niNO: i guess thats a no????

ayyy: iguess?????????
@adrien fam where u at
we need help

niNO: i think i can swing it

ayyy: u might but i sure cant

niNO: right so you do this here
im gonna cram this section before lunch ends

ayyy: best of luck boo
wait no
i wont give you luck
i need that
give me my luck back

niNO: nope

ayyy: ninooooooooooo

niNO: bye al

ayyy: D: D: D: D: D: D: D:

14:29

niNO: alright so whats up

ayyy: ^^^^^^

something about optimism: The sky???

ayyy: get the fukc out

niNO: haha very funny
but seriously

something about optimism: What are you talking about?

PM between ayyy and niNO

ayyy: babe

niNO: i know

ayyy: k u want mar or marsh

niNO: ill take marsh
go easy on her? she seemed wiped today

ayyy: im always easy
and sweet
and loving
why do you doubt me

niNO: babe

ayyy: ill be nice!!!!
i wont push too much
goddamn
i cant believe ive been betrayed by my own boyfriend

niNO: mhm yup
good luck dude

ayyy: thanks ;*

PM between something about optimism and niNO

niNO: yo dude
something wrong?

something about optimism: No?

niNO: did something happne between you and mari?

something about optimism: Why would you think that??

niNO: bruh
the way you were acting around each other today
it was so….
weird
really fucking strange

something about optimism: Nothing happened there
I didn’t act any different today
I was kind of tired?

niNO: okkkkk sure
sure
we can pretend
dude
youve literally never acted like that around mari before
mari hasnt acted like that around you since
actually no
shes never been that weird around you
and shes been really fucking weird around you
not that you noticed

something about optimism: Wait what???
What are you talking about????

niNO: dude just
tell me if somethings wrong?

something about optimism: Of course
You know I would

PM between ayyy and flowers are flowery

ayyy: what happened

flowers are flowery: Excuse me

ayyy: between you and adrien
something happened
what was it??

flowers are flowery: NOthing happened!!!!
Why would you think that????

ayyy: idk maybe the weirdness
the stuttering
the avoiding eyecontact thing
the awkwardness
the weirdness

flowers are flowery: When have I ever acted normal around Adrien?????

ayyy: a lot in the last month or so actually

flowers are flowery: Thats a damn lie and you know it

ayyy: k maybe its bc ur u but u 2 really have gotten closer
ur waaaaay more comfortable together now
just makeout

flowers are flowery: AlYA

ayyy: oh my god u know u want to

flowers are flowery: Just because I wan t two doesnt mean I CAN

ayyy: im sure if u asked adrien would want to makeout with u too

flowers are flowery: Youre so embarassing oh my god

ayyy: u love me

flowers are flowery: Yeah and Im quesitoning wHY

ayyy: <3<3<3
k but ull tell me if anything happens right?
not like
just with adrien
like in general
if anything is wrong??

flowers are flowery: Of course I would al
I always do

ayyy: ok good
thank u
now go makeout with a supermodel

flowers are flowery: ALYA

PM between ayyy and niNO

ayyy: anything???

niNO: nothing
idk al maybe nothing DID happen

ayyy: ughhh
it feels like something wrongs
i feel it in my bones

niNO: are you going to start singing

ayyy: nah not feeling it
kinda feeling bummed now ://

niNO: want me to come over??

ayyy: could u????

niNO: yeah sure
be there in like 15

ayyy: love you <3 <3

PM between flowers are flowery and something about optimism

something about optimism: Is it later?

flowers are flowery: What???

something about optimism: Last night you said we could talk later
Its later

flower are flowery: Didnt we talk at lunch??

something about optimism: I mean
Falling asleep on top of each other on your chaise isn’t really talking

flowers are flowery: Oh
I guess thats true

something about optimism: Do you want me to call??

flowers are flowery: Um
Not rigth now
This works
Typing

something about optimism: Ok
So

flowers are flowery: So

something about optimism: You
Are
Ladybug

flowers are flowery: Yes
And you
Are

something about optimism: Mari??
I can see you typing and stopping mar
Are you ok?

asshole: MARINETTEU ASKED ADRIEN OUT JUST TO BREAK UP WITH HIMWHAT HTE HECLL WAHT DO I DO WITH U WHERE RU U CNAT BE ASLEEP IN EED TO YELL AT U FU CK INF HLEL

PM between niNO and dancing queen

niNO: marinette i love you

Notes:

funfact: tiecoon is a store i saw in the train station when i went to nyc. i was gonna try to get a picture but i couldnt get it while walking. thus, ive had that dialogue written for like. m o n t h s. the first thing i did was think of adrien. bless

fergie: jk needs to c h i l l and ye each of the golden trio couldve ended up in at least one other house

dipshit: That would’ve been cool Also I don’t think I try to please my dad that much

fergie: oh sweetheart

sorting hat: dude

lion snake: Adrien you really really do

dipshit: Really?

fergie has changed their name to adriens legal guardian .

adriens legal guardian: someone needs to take care of you

dipshit: I promise I’m fine I’ve got Nathalie

sorting hat: does nathalie give you hugs

dipshit: No? Why is that relevant?

adriens legal guardian: SHE DOESNT COUNT THEN #HUGADRIENAGRESTE2K17

adriens legal guardian has changed their name to i love adrien .

i love adrien: turn on ur location agreste

dipshit: Please know that’s actually kind of creepy I’m at home you don’t have to worry about location

i love adrien: hella

sorting hat: alya chill out with the name chagnes also now im gonna be confuse d

i love adrien: i love him too but truuuuu

dipshit: ????

i love adrien: can i change it

sorting hat: last time for today??

i love adrien: ilysm

i love adrien has changed their name to cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub

dipshit: I have a fanclub? Wait that wasn’t the smartest thing to say

lion snake: Its a good thing youre cute

dipshit: I try to ignore them

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: have u ever been on the official insta of the fanclub bc its hilarious and beautiful

dipshit: …. Alya why

sorting hat: oh we totally googled you

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: mhm

lion snake: ^^^^

dipshit: That’s…..nice of you?

lion snake: Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable omg

dipshit: It’s just? Kinda weird?? I don’t mind and I probably should’ve expected it I just forget sometimes that that’s a thing people can/will do

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: adri if it makes u feel any better i google everyone ive googled everyone in this chat in our class their parents ymself random strangers if im able to

sorting hat: that is not surprising at all

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ur not special i mean u r ur v special to me and ilysm but not here everyone gets googled and twitter stalked also tell whoevers running ur official accounts to be less lame idc about salad u eat

dipshit: What????

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ur social media is B O R I N G i kno u dont run it but i still expected more memes

dipshit: Honestly I don’t look at it

sorting hat: its like the person we thought you were when we first met you except more boring

lion snake: Ok no thats not true Because I thought he was an asshole

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: oh shit tru

dipshit: Ahhhh yeah sorry about that

lion snake: Its fine I promise!!! Weve talked about this Its like Super perfect adn model-y and professional andnot at all a teenage loser who stayed up until 2 watching sailor moon and eating doritos

sorting hat: fucking relatable

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: weebs

sorting hat: yo youre the one who decided to date some

lion snake: Hey Ive never asked Adrien do you have unofficial personal social media???

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: oh my go d this weekend we get 2gether adn make adrien all the social media and we revamp his tumblr bc ur theme sucks

dipshit: ???? You’ve never even seen it???

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i know it does marsh !!!!!!!! can u imagine if lb and cn had social media!!!!! id c r y

PM between dipshit and lion snake

dipshit: P l e a s e

lion snake: Oh my og d

dipshit: Please please please please please please please plEASE

lion snake: HOld on!!! Im discussing with tikki

dipshit: Plagg says he doesn’t care what we do

lion snake: Yeah we arent trusting him

dipshit: Fair enough WHAT IF I CAN GET SNAPCHAT ON MY BATON A LITERAL SNAP CHAT

lion snake: No Just because of that No

dipshit: Pleaaaaaseeeeeeeee My lady it’ll be great I swear

lion snake: U gh Well talk on it on patrol tonight k??

dipshit: YES!!!!

19:05 in hogwarts house discourse

sorting hat: i know weve moved on but man. fuck snape

20:12

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: do u think if i track down lb and cn and ask them for their hogwarts houses theyll tell me

sorting hat: worth a shot?

20:42

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: update: chat says ladybg is a gryffindor and lb says shes iether that or slytherin so like mari and they cant agree on cn

22:53

sorting hat: damn you adrien i cant stop thinking about this what is mari?? what is adrien??? what am i?? al youre either gryffindor or ravenclaw ive decided

lion snake: Youre the sorting hat shouldnt you know all???

sorting hat: bruh we need the actual sorting hat for this

lion snake: Fair enough

sorting hat: lets say adrien is a hatstall and move on

3:03

PM between dipshit and lion snake

dipshit: Rise and shine bugaboo Akuma at 3 o’clock Literally 3 o’clock the time not the like If you’re using 12, 3, 6, and 9 as directions It’s not You know what My tracker on my baton is turned on so use that to find me

3:08

dipshit: Mari Mari Alright plan b I’m gonna call you and if you don’t pick up I’m going to show up on your balcony Which sounds creepy but also this akuma is now stacking cars and I don’t really know what to do? They aren’t even trying to do anything else right now Am I missing something??? I’m confused

3:12

lion snake has changed their name to ahHHH

ahHHH: IM SO SORRY Tikki woke me up my phone was muted She says Waitw e dont hav etime for this Ive gotta transform so Ill talk to you when I get there??

dipshit: It’s fine just watching an akuma build a tower out of cars Remind me to show you how to sync Skype up to your yoyo

ahHHH: Youre on skype on your baton??

dipshit: Yeah it makes things easier

ahHHH: Huh Al and nino didnt wake up?

dipshit: I think the akumas too far away for them to hear, but also it’s not exactly being distructive When we actually start fighting people might start waking up but for now it’s being pretty quiet even with the car stacking

ahHHH: Well thats good they need their sleep Wait if the akuma was quiet how did you know??

dipshit: People started posting to the Ladyblog forums and I had that open in another tab

ahHHH: ???/ Why were you up????

dipshit: Bad night I couldn’t sleep so I put on Howl’s Moving Castle

ahHHH: Feeling any better?

dipshit: I’m sure I’ll feel better when I see you :3

ahHHH: Oh myg do Itst oo early for this Ill see you in fa few just stop that cat face

dipshit: ;3

Notes:

to be honest, i still don't know where i would sort these four. i'm truly awful at sorting characters and i don't generally like doing it because i feel like i'm putting them in boxes but!!! i always love hearing about people's sorts. hence why no one in this is given an official house

if you'd like to share where you think they should go and/or reasons why, i'd love to read your comments about it!!!

(also i have a personal headcanon about adrien and his mom watching ghibli movies together, specific howls, and you can pry that out of my cold, dead hands)

Summary:

Notes:

wow has it been A Week

i have two tests in a few hours and i have so many notes left and calc problems and i'm dying so have this!

there are two links in the chapter and i know you're probably like. why would i click those? i mean i wouldn't trust me either, but i swear they're fine. ignore the first if you'd like, but if you don't click the second you're probably going to be fairly confused? you'll see what i mean

sorting hat: yo it couldve just been a kid with a nightmare if you by that

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: god whne the girls have a nightmare its ROUGHsometiems nothing will get them back to bedcant blame them i mean one of the things that helps them is drwing nightmaresfuk i woudlnt want to go back to sleep either

dipshit: The akumas building a fortress huh?

sorting hat: idk man we arent talking to the akumaask chat

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: oh yeah no that failed

sorting hat: ????

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: he tried to talk to them and they just likepicked him up and threw him awaysome1 submitted a video rip chat noir

dipshit: Sounds painful

sorting hat: rip in pepperoni anyway if you look at the akuma theyre sorta dressed up ya know

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i wanna say ur projecting the castle thing but ur right that thing in their hair looks like a crown

dipshit: Huh you’re right

sorting hat: man i need to sleep akumas are bullshit

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i just watche dthe video for the sixth itm eim gnna memorize it

sorting hat: ha ha very funnyalyas having a cowbut seriously did you and marinette kiss

dipshit: Uhh I mean yesYes we didThere was lip touching going on thereIt was an accident

PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH

ahHHH: It was an accident!!!!

ladynoir keeps me living: an aCCIDENT

ahHHH: Were both really tired and we were standing next to each otehr and idont know what happened

ladynoir keeps me living: what did u fall asleep on each others lips or something?!??!??!?!?!?accident?!??????

PM between sorting hat and dipshit

sorting hat: an accident

dipshit: I kind ofWasn’t thinking

sorting hat: really fucknig smooth bro

dipshit: Sue me

sorting hat: no thank sare you two dating now or?

dipshit: No we’re not

sorting hat: but you like marinettebefore you say noplease know i just saw you lock lipsand i also am your best friendand also have eyes

dipshit: Ok yes I like her

sorting hat: so are you gonna ask her out

dipshit: Uhh......noI don’t think so

sorting hat: bruh why not??

dipshit: It’s complicated

PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH

ladynoir keeps me living: i hate both of uur actuallt he worst

ahHHH: Im sorry???

ladynoir keeps me living: MAKE OUT ALREADY

ahHHH: Alya stop!!!!! We arent dating or anyhting

ladynoir keeps me going: what hte fUCK why not!!!!!u kissed!!!u 2 talk all the timeu make each other laugh u spend a ton of time togetheru like each otherur dating

ahHHH: Al Im not dating adrien!!!

ladynoir keeps me going: ok finebut u could

ahHHH: By that logic I could also be dating you and nino

ladynoir keeps me going: yes yes u could be

PM between sorting hat and dipshit

sorting hat: complicated??? what about it is complicated??????you like her she likes youif you havent figured that out by nowi dont know what to tell you dudeother than maybe all that homeschooling made you worse at social interaction than we thought cause its freaking obvious man like really really obvious

dipshit: It really is complicated, I swear

sorting hat: what?? do you like someone else too or something?

dipshit: Yeah Actually I do

sorting hat: who? ladybug still??i mean same ladybug is fucking awesome and ive been in a room with teh two of you chemistry and awkwardnessbut like dont take this the wrong way dude but what are your chances?im not gonna pull an alya and say lb and cn are a thing but how well would dating a superhero really work out? you like mari mari likes you youve already kissed onceyou guys are so close already might as well just change the relationship status on facebook you know? adrien?ok well think on it dude ill be here if you wanna talk

PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH

ahHHH: Its not that simple

ladynoir keeps me living: yes it is? do u like him? yesdoes he like u? yesdid u like kissing him? im gonna guess yesis it the asking out part ur scared of cause i can totally bug him into asking u out first

ahHHH: I was thinking the same thing Not necessarily a long time justSome Time

dipshit: ExactlyI mean I’ve been in love with you for months honestly But there’s…

ahHHH: Same here I’ve had a huge embarrassing crush on you since the beginning of the year

dipshit: Glad we’re the same level of awkward and embarrassing

ahHHH: That wasnt our first kissBy the wayJustThought you should Probably know at this point

dipshit: Wait what?

ahHHH: Dark Cupid? You um I needed to break his hold on you and I remembered class and there had been something about a kis sbreaking a spell so Yeah You didnt remember so I didnt say anything Maybe I shouldveI jsut felt Really awkward about it???Sorry

dipshit: Oh Um

ahHHH: IM REALLY REALLY SORRY

dipshit: It’s fine!!!Really it’s fineIt sounds like it’d be awkward to bring up But thanks for telling me I appreciate it

ahHHH: Of courseUm Im gonna do some homeowrk so I can go to bed early tonightHopefully Hawkmoth will leave us alone

dipshit: Oh god I hope so I can’t do another late night That was terrible

ahHHH: That video was awful But it was fun You might sway me on this social media thing yet kitty

dipshit: :3c

ahHHH: Youre the w o r s t

dipshit: I know Let me know if you have any problems with chem or physics I did the homework while she was going over the stuff from yesterday

ahHHH: Its unfair how smart you are

dipshit: Promise you’ll ask for help??

ahHHH: Yeah I promiseDont you have piano today?

dipshit: Yup and I should probably go get ready for thatGood luck my lady

ahHHH: You too kitten

Notes:

i love writing this fic sm but i have no idea what kind of garbage im churning out rn

lol death: did you already have that saved or did you spend almost 20 min searching for it

the worst: shut ur face
i have it saved
i was doing hw
like a good student

lol death: ok fuck you too then

its red: Guys please Im so tired

lol death: me too my man

the worst: awww mar love its not even 21:30???

its red: Yeah but????
Akuma attack last night near my house and the one this mornign
Al Im dying

the worst: o rite
D:

lol death: i wonder if hawk moth takes complaints

the worst: hey girl is all ur hw done??

its red: No but as much as Im gonan get done
Im going to bed
Love you see you tomorrow <3 <3

PM between its red and son of a gunn

son of a gunn: Hey Mari
I only left your house like two minutes ago

its red: Ye Im perfectly aware
I was there

son of a gunn: :P I was just gonna say that you still had makeup on when I left

its red: FUC K

son of a gunn: Yeah you might want to take that off

its red: Ok brb I have to scrub this off

son of a gunn: Sounds good
Honestly I’m too tired to even move from the couch
I sat down when I got back and I don’t think I can get back up
Not even worth getting up to put on pjs
Im;definitely falling asleep ok nigh t

its red: Wait
Wiat you didnt change
Adrien
Adrien
ADRIEN
GEt up
WAKE UP
Im calling you butt

Call failed.

its red: A D R I E N A G R E S T E
GET YOUR CLOTHES OFF

son of a gunn: Jesus chrsit mari at least as k me to dinner first
Plagg i s pissed btw

its red: THANK GOD
Change. Now.

son of a gunn: But Im confortble??? And sleepy

its red: I can tell from your typing abilities

son of a gunn: I hate you

its red: Take your binder off Adrien

son of a gunn: Oh fuck
You should’ve just said that

its red: Listen Im tired too
I took off my makeup and started putting it bac k on

son of a gunn: Why>???

its red: Hell if I know

son of a gunn: Sorry Plagg and I are usually more on top of this we’re just
Really tired

its red: Tired??
I figured

son of a gunn: Thank you <3

its red: Is it off??

son of a gunn: Yup
I’m awake now though
Adrenaline
Thanks for that

its red: Youre welcome
I am too
Dont scare me like that
I thoguht I was gonna have to transform and come over

son of a gunn: Sorry about that
Wann a rabbit ghibli movies until we pass out

Notes:

Summary:

S P A C E

Notes:

ok a few things before i start

1. i got a few questions about this so: adrien is a trans boy! he uses he/him and he wears a binder. his dead name is unimportant and wont be mentioned at all. the fact that hes trans has no real bearing on the plot, hes trans and thats that. itll be mentioned again but its not whats complicating him and marinettes relationship or anything like that. also, hes out to the general public! as chat noir tho, hes really only out to ladybug. (the rest of the public thinks hes a cis boy, because hes masculine presenting) feel free to ask anything else if youre curious!

2. thank you for being so patient with my other writing. im in a really bad place right now and even this was a challenge

3. ok so SPACE!! as of now (feb 24) all the information in this chapter should be fairly accurate? i didnt do a ton of research and probably couldve done more but this is my lazy fic (and it was midnight lol), so if information is inaccurate maybe chalk it up to the fact that the characters are just yelling at each other and also that new information couldve come out since i posted this

4. i headcanon adrien as a general science geek. like i have an old wip from last year where he freaked out about gravitational waves. since ive always had adrien and stars be a thing, this didnt feel like too much of a stretch to me but hey, for your consideration: adrien loving space

5. ladyserendipitous asked if this means wanna chat is happening real time now. sure? i have no idea what the timeline for this fic is so i hope its not too confusing or out there or whatever

6. son of a gunn = adrien, the worst = alya, lol death = nino, its red = mari

Chapter Text

the worst: as adorable as it is to see u nerd out like the loser u are
sleep boi

trappist: WHO CAN SLEEP AT A TIME LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol death: hello my dudes why are we yelling

trappist: NASA!!!!!!!!!

lol death: nice
the one good thing the americans gave us

the worst: what about youtube

lol death: shit youre right
what about nasa bro

trappist: SEVEN NEW PLANETS!!!
Oh my god oh my god
Ok so it’s actually probably best if you just read stuff on it???
Because I don’t know if I’m going to explain it well
I mean I definitely won’t btu
NASA found seven planets orbiting TRAPPIST-1!!!
And three are in the habitable zone of the star which is
!!!!!!!!!!

the worst: this is rlly cute but im also lost

lol death: yo my man if youre free at all today you can ramble/show me as many videos/articles as youd like

trappist: REally???

lol death: of course!
i love hearing you talk about stuff like this man
the day the confirmed gravitational waves was awesome

pluto is better than u: SECOND OF ALL
TELL THAT TO NASA SCIENTISTS
PLUTO IS A PLANETTTTT

trappist: Why am I telling this to NASA

pluto is better than u: PLUTO MIGHT BE A PLANET AGAIN FUCK U

trappist: Wait what??? Since when????

pluto is better than u: i thought u were the resident nerd
shouldnt u b up 2 date on all this???

trappist: No???

pluto is better than u: google is ur friend

trappist: …
Alya this was literally DAYS AGO
How would I know this?????
Also, the official NASA site hasn’t changed
I trust the scientists and NASA. If/when they make an official announcement, I’ll get back to you on Pluto’s planetary status

space bro: first of all seeing adrien nerd out about space is probably the cutest thing ever
second of all thiS IS SO RAD
LIKE DUDES!!!!
MAYBE BLACK PLANTS????
20 DAY YEAR
SEEING THE SURFACE OF A PLANET FROM ANOTHER PLANET!!!!!!!
TH EFUCK

trappist: I KNOW!!!!!!!!

its red: Hmmm I need a space name

its red has changed their name to galaxy print

galaxy print: Perfect

space bro: adrien is literally like vibrating hes so excited
this is adorable?

trappist: Space is so cool!!!
I wanted to be an astronaut when I was little for a while!
My mom taught me so many stars
I HAV E TO TELL CHLOE

galaxy print: ???

pluto is better than u: i didnt know chloe liked space

trappist: She knew more about stars than I did growin gup
Ok brb

space bro: have fun dude!!

PM between galaxy print and pluto is better than u

galaxy print: Alyaaaaaaaaaaaaa

pluto is better than u: i kno babe
ohhh i kno

galaxy print: Hes so cute and Im dying

pluto is better than u: same??
u can get through this

galaxy print: AaaaahhHHHHHHHH

21:24 in viva la pluto fuck u

trappist: I love space

pluto is better than u: go 2 bed nerd

trappist: It’s not that late!
Besides, I don’t think anyone else is asleep
Role call

galaxy print: Shhhh Im trying to work on a dress
The pattern is lowkey killing me

pluto is better than u: aww rip

trappist: I’m sure it’s beautiful

galaxy print: <3

space bro: im just working on some tracks
ill bring them to school tomorrow cause i need a second opinion

Summary:

mari is sick

Notes:

hey so its been a while

im in a really crappy mental place and like my entire life is drowned in discourse right now (specifically today) and its making me an anxious mess. so today i slept, avoided the discord app as much as possible, only spent like 20 minutes total on tumblr, and worked on this. its bad but i need proof that today was worth it so *jazz hands*

space bro: id like to argue that there are in fact somethings that ARE tmibut yaeh this isnt one of themwere chilling in the park across the street cause your mom said you were asleepshe offered to just take your hw but we said wed wait to explain it all

alys: pfff theres no explanation neededwe just wanted 2 see u

cough cough: Ugh you dindt have to do thatI dont want to ge tanyone sick

space bro: you wont!!!

cough cough: You odnt know htat!!!

PM between cough cough and glen coco

glen coco: Obviously patrol for tonight is canceled

cough cough: :(TIkki said shed leave if I tired to goTriedAnd i STarted cryin g

glen coco: Aww MariShe wouldn’t leave you she just wants you to take care of yourselfTikki loves you too much to leave you

cough cough: Im going to start crying again

glen coco: D:NOT my intention!!!Do you need a hug??

cough cough: NOBECAUS E IM SICJKDONT CME NEAR M E

glen coco: We’re in your living room and on our way up

cough cough: nooooooooo:’(Im gross and crying rnight now why eould you do thsi to me

glen coco: Because we love you and you definitely need a hug right nowAnd maybe more medication

cough cough: This s the wors thting to ever happen ot m e

glen coco: Knock knock

cough cough: :/

16:21 in boo you whore

cough cough: I hate yoiu allThanks for coming over <3 <3

alys: <3

space bro: of course dude!! you looked like you needed the company

cough cough: If you all get sick you can tblam e meI told you not to come near meCuddling mgihtve been too much

glen coco: Cuddling is never too much

alys: ^^^

space bro: ditto

22:44

alys: hello?112?yeahfuck my life and everything in it

space bro: you think i can bribe hawkmoth into taking a day off

PM between cough cough and glen coco

cough cough: Oh no

glen coco: Do not

cough cough: I have to???I feel like Im gonna fall overTHe world is spinnyOh n o

glen coco: I fight the akuma, you do nothing until you absolutely have toWe can’t have you falling off a roof or something

cough cough: Do you think if I just cry at the akuma itll purify itself

glen coco: We can try

cough cough: :(

Notes:

112 is one of the emergency numbers for france

sorry for always ending like this? its late and im tired and have wanted to sleep for like 3 hours

Summary:

marinette is still sick and dying and adrien's reading an old french book

Notes:

so this is like...twice as long as a normal chapter. anyway i was in les mis the other week and i sent something and someone thought it was a les mis chapter of wanna chat. and reyxa encouraged it so Here We Are

this chapter continues right off of the last one because i found a note with sick quotes on it. i kept the les mis as light and understandable as possible but just like..let me know if it makes 0 sense. i had to get this out of my system because ive been in a writing funk

five cups of tea: Ok so the other day instead of doing homework I started reading les mis ANd now instead of doing homework I’m reading les mis again I can’t believe this is how I’m procrastinating

astral projection: what

punching hawkmoth in the face: the musical????

five cups of tea: No the bookWhich the musical is based off of

astral projection: what a nerd

punching hawkmoth in the face: lmao how is it

five cups of tea: OldLong

punching hawkmoth in the face: how long?

five cups of tea: Uhhh655,000 words

mcdonalds: jesus

astral projection: what the actual fuck

punching hawkmoth in the face: holllllly fuck

astral projection: you my dude are unreal

punching hawkmoth in the face: for fun???? r u sure this is for fun???????

five cups of tea: I think so? It’s kind of boring sometimes and hard to get through but other parts are really goodAlso if I’m reading I don’t have to practice chinese

punching hawkmoth in the face: touche

astral projection: have fun reading bro you are unbelievable

PM between five cups of tea and mcdonalds

five cups of tea: Hey why are you up? I thought you were heading off to bed a while ago?

mcdonalds: I didnt take nyquil tonight because I felt a little better and didnt want to pass the fuck out again but now Im awake and cant sleep because my head feels like its gonna explodeAnd I regretSo much

five cups of tea: Aw no poor bug

mcdonalds: Ugh

five cups of tea: Do you want anything?

mcdonalds: You dont have to

five cups of tea: Do you want anything?If you want soup I can get you some

mcdonalds: Its like???? Really late?????

five cups of tea: Mar its only 20:30

mcdonalds: OhIt feels like 1 But its still late

five cups of tea: Ok wellLate night food is not a new thingTrust me

mcdonalds: … If you brought me soup Id love you forever

five cups of tea: I thought you already did

mcdonalds: Id love you even more

five cups of tea: I’ll be on my way soon

mcdonalds: I love you so much <3

23:35 in boo you whore

punching hawkmoth in the face: what if you took tea in shotslike shot glasses

five cups of tea: Like with hot tea?

astral projection: i feel like thats a good way to burn your entire mouth

five cups of tea: *entire life

astral projection: ^^^

punching hawkmoth in the face: hmmm

five cups of tea: Alya no

astral projection: yeah bad idea

punching hawkmoth in the face: f i n e

1:02

mcdonalds: sos Im dyingI constantly feel like Im about to sneezeIf I dont feel that way its cause Im sneezing

astral projection: rip my dudeguessing you cnat sleep while sneezing

mcdonalds: Nope :’(End my suffering please

astral projection: no can do i can offer virtual hugs

mcdonalds: I guess thatll work for now

astral projection: <3

2:03

PM between five cups of tea and mcdonalds

five cups of tea: HeyHey MarinetteHeyI have something to show you

mcdonalds: Adrien its 2 in the morning

five cups of tea: So? You’re up too

mcdonalds: I slept all day

mcdonalds: Yeah but you’re awake right now

mcdonalds: … FineHit me

five cups of tea: “When they had finished, when they had told each other everything, she laid her head on his shoulder and asked him: ‘What is your name?’” Us

five cups of tea: Kind of oblivious, pretty romantic but sort of in a weird way, awkward, usually confused but can be scary if he needs to, handsome as hell and love of my life that I would honestly leave all three of you for

mcdonalds: WowAre you sure you havent already

five cups of tea: :PActually….

mcdonalds: Are you suddenly realizing youve left us for a fictional character

five cups of tea: No I was oging to say I might be more like Bossuet

mcdonalds: Youre just saying wordsI dont know who that is

five cups of tea: He always has bad luckLike alwaysUmmmm hold on

mcdonalds: KWho would I be???

five cups of tea: “He was the constant victim of mischance, hence his merriment. He said, ‘I spend my life walking under ladders.’”

mcdonalds: Ok you mgiht be this Bossuet you bad luck magnet

five cups of tea: For you HmmmmEnjolras?

mcdonalds: Not cosette?? Shes the love interest right

five cups of tea: As much as I love youEnjolras is the leader in redAnd I just can’t help myself

mcdonalds: NerdAre you goind to do alya and nino too?

five cups of tea: D u h

2:34

mcdonalds: Adrien??You ok?Youve been quiet for a while Or did you fall asleep on your computer again

five cups of tea: No I’m hereI’m justStuckThis is haarrrrrddddddddddAlya and Nino are just so deep and complex and awesome and I dont’ know how to place them???

mcdonalds: TrueBut wow Slightly offended

five cups of tea: Hey yours is based on a pun I can pun easy

mcdonalds: G o to sleep kitten You can sort them in the mornign Later this morning

five cups of tea: FineI hope you’re feeling better

mcdonalds: A little bit!! The soup definitely helpedNight <3

five cups of tea: Night <3

10:25 in boo you whore

astral projection: saturdays are chill but my mom wants us to clean the entire apartment today and im not about that life

12:12

mcdonalds has changed their name to enjolras

enjolras: I have no idea who thi s is but I hope it makes Adrien happy

punching hawkmoth in the face: ???? wahts ahppenign

enjolras: Adrien said I was this charactera t like 2

astral projection: why the fuck do none of you people value sleep

punching hawkmoth in the face: how theh ell did that even come up in conversation

enjolras: He was saying he thinks hes like Marius

astral projection: huh

five cups of tea: I’m not sure yet

astral projection: bro!!!

five cups of tea: I'm thinking either Marius or bossuet for myself

punching hawkmoth in the face: r we supposed 2 know the second one

enjolras: Hes got bad luckThats what I got from our convo when no one else was awake

punching hawkmoth in the face: change ur name i want u2b the hopeless romantic

astral projection: isnt he already??

punching hawkmoth in the face: lmao

five cups of tea has changed their name to marius

punching hawkmoth in the face: awesomewere u gonna do nino and i??

marius: Yeah I’m just having some trouble

astral projection: yeah were just too unique to be put into little boxes

eponine: THAT DOESNT MEAN I DONT CCARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR HEALTH!!!!!!!!!

enjolras: AHHHHH

eponine: AHHHHHH

grantaire: Ahhhhh?

marius: Ahhhhh

Notes:

a great ending to a great chapter /sarcasm/

grantaire really doesnt fit nino but i was honestly having a hard time and just was like ok whatever

btw the pun in grantaire: in french, grantaire can be seen to mean grand r. grand r = capital r. victor hugo was a big fan of puns

my friend started singing red and black one day and changed all the words to blood and that just...randomly plays in my head sometimes. doing this show was definitely an experience

also, i have two versions of les mis that are different translations. the first quote (about marius and cosette) is sterling publishing edition from barnes and noble and the second (about bossuet) is the penguin books movie version translated by norman denny. the first quote is mostly the same, but the other version of the bossuet quote was: "Some misfortune happened to him every moment, hence his joviality. He said: 'I live under falling tiles.'" it was fascinating to see how different they can be

the next chapter is a fun one. also, you know how i mentioned i actually have a vague plot for this fic?

Chapter Text

enjolras: She tried to chase Chat after the akuma attack and almost fell in the Seine

eponine: i did not

enjolras: She was 100% ready to swim

eponine: NO I WANS T

grantaire: oh is that where you went

eponine: f i g h t m e

grantaire: al youd do anything for another interview wiht one of them

eponine: >:(u arent wrong tho

grantaire: exactlyi cant believe you almost went into the river

eponine: i hate you

14:16

enjolras: Has anyone heard from Adrien today??

grantaire: i talked to him thsi morning

enjolras: When was this morning

grantaire: uhhh like…. 2

enjolras: Sleep??? Is a thing??????????

grantaire: video games are also a thing

enjolras: I hate you

grantaire: </3

14:25

eponine: good afternoon i am gay

grantaire: youre bi

eponine: good afternoon i am bido u have a moment 2 talk about our lord and savior ladybug

enjolras: Why are you like thsi

eponine: im running on like 5 cups of coffee

marius: lmao lame

eponine: what

grantaire: ?????

enjolras: Did alya steal adriens phone again

eponine: first of all rudesecond of all what

marius: who even is everyone on here??}what kind of nerd club is this

grantaire has changed their name to nino

nino: blame adrienhe got all geeky on us

eponine has changed their name to ladybugfan2020

ladybugfan2020: hello im still bi

marius: what in fresh hell is going on here

enjolras has changed their name to mari

mari: Who are you??? And why do you have Adriens phone

marius: because he’s too trusting lol guess who’s thumbprint is in it and has access to everything

nino: i know my dude doesnt have anything weird on his phone that he wouldnt want people to seebut stillbro thats ominous

marius: ;*

ladybugfan2020: really tho who r u

marius: god i can’t believe you can’t figure it outwho do you think adrien would trust not only with his phone but also enough to put their fingerprint in it?????

ladybugfan2020: ninomariprobably not me but a girl can dreamladybugchatlink

marius: i’m stopping you right there because fictional characters don’t counti’m honestly offendedis there a block button on skype???

mari: Why do you have his phone Chloe?

marius: wow!!! one of you has a brain!!! a concept

nino: oh shit he had a big photoshoot today didnt heman i feel bad that i forgot

mari: He didnt want to talk about it much dont feel too bad

marius: no shame on you for forgettingclearly i’m the only one who cares about adrien here

ladybugfan2020 has removed marius from the group.

mari: Alya no

ladybugfan2020: alya yes??i dont like her

mari: I mean same but Adrein wont know why hes been removed

nino: mars got a point

ladybugfan2020: ugh y do i like either of u

ladybugfan2020 has added marius to the group.

marius: fucking rude

ladybugfan2020: fight me

marius: maybe i will!!!!

nino: last time you did that al got akumatized lets ton e it down

marius left this group

ladybugfan2020 has added marius to this group.

marius: fuck you

ladybugfan2020: oh u wish

marius: i want out

mari: Then put down Adriens phone??

marius: i’m boredthis photoshoot is boringyou’re all JUST as boring though

marius has changed their name to chlo

chlo: a random reminder that i hate you all and am only talking to you because i’m desperate

nino: im honored

chlo: you should be

ladybugfan2020: new question y r u at the photoshoot

chlo: cause i was in part of it??duh

mari: You model?

chlo: ok so clearly i need to talking up myself MOREi thought that was something people like you wanted me to stop doing make up your mind

mari: You cant tell but Im rolling m y eyes

chlo: of course i’m a model have you seen me

nino: unfortunately

chlo: fuck off

ladybugfan2020 has renamed this conversation to “chloe sux”

chlo: fucking this is why i’m not friends with any of you

mari: Lets be real you wouldnt be friends with us if we werent like this

chlo: probably true

nino: i dunno we were pretty close when we were6?

chlo: oh god don’t remind me i’ve blocked that from my memory

nino: what? dont like remembering how we got married on the playground

chlo: get out of my life lahiffe

nino: are we getting a divorce??

mari: No you got divorced when we were 8

ladybugfan2020: i feel like im watching a soap operawilddid we all get married on the playground???i got married to this girl in my class when i was 4 and she was my first kiss good times we had to break up tho cause she wanted to go on the slide when i wanted to use the monkey bars

mari: Aw tragic young love

chlo: not surprised

ladybugfan2020: k ive shared every1 else go share ur 1st kiss

mari: Kim in a game of truth or dare when I was eleven

nino: chloe at our wedding

chlo: lamealso i don’t owe you anything cesaire

ladybugfan2020: i can just ask adrien later

chlo: fuck ok i kissed alix the day before nino and i got marriedalix kissed mei think it was a dare

nino: i cannot believe you cheated on mei want another divorce

chlo: yeah yeah

ladybugfan2020: whyd u 2 divorce anyway?

nino: chloe didnt invite me to her birthday

chlo: ummm????? i mean no i didn’t because it was a girls only sleepoverbut also i remember YOU had a crush on mari so

ladybugfan2020: just kno i am living

mari: YOu had a crush on me when we wer e 8???

nino: mari i hope you know everyone has had a crush on you

mari: ???????????????

ladybugfan2020: can confirm

chlo: ew they need me to do something i’ll steal adrien’s phone back laterbe less lame when i get back

nino: no promises

ladybugfan2020: lmao anyway now we just gotta find out who adriens 1st kiss wasany1 kno?

mari: Nino would know

nino: i mean i do but thats for him to share im sure he will but ill let him do it

ladybugfan2020: nicenow we just gotta remember to askive got it

ladybugfan2020 has renamed this conversation to “who was adrien agrestes first kiss??? find out more at 6”.

mari: Subtle

ladybufan2020: thanks

14:43

chlo: i lived bitch

nino: did chloe just meme

chlo: of course i did????i mean come ON adrien agreste is my best friendwhat did you expect?

nino: nah dude hes my bes t friend

chlo: no he’s not

ladybugfan2020: rude™

mari: Were his best friends????

chlo: pffyou’re more than just his friends

ladybugfan2020: ????

chlo: nothinganyway you people are boring goddid you do nothing while i was gone??how does he suffer being in your presence

nino: has anyone ever told you youre kinda rude and obnoxious

chlo: yeah youmultiple times

nino: cool imma do it again

chlo: where’s the middle finger emoji

nino: :P

mari: I cant believe you came back

chlo: yeah neither can i guess you’re less boring and annoying than doing nothing

PM between chlo and ladybugfan2020

ladybugfan2020: can i ask y u hate mari

chlo: i don’t hate her

ladybufan2020: …

chlo: it’s a long story

ladybugfan2020: well shes my best friend and ur kind of a dick to her

chlo: yeah well i’m not a nice person

ladybugfan2020: have u ever considered trying to b a nicer person

chlo: fuck offadrien agreste is my best friendwhat the hell do you think

ladybugfan2020: try harder

in who was adrien agrestes first kiss??? find out more at 6

mari: Has Adrien seriously been working this whole time???

chlo: not constantly but he hasn’t had much downtimewhen he’s not getting pictures taken of him they’re having him do other stuffprobably cause he’s the boss’ kid but i don’t knowi just pose and look pretty

nino: use no brain power like usual

chlo: haha very funny

ladybug2020: do u think hes gonna read through all these messages???

mari: Depends on if hes tired or not

ladybug2020: mkhey sunshineif ur reading thisilysmthats all

chlo: ugh they need me

mari: I mean you are likeWorking

chlo: whateverwe’re almost done so adrien will probably be on nextbye losers

nino: bye ex wife

15:07

chlo: Ok I see that something happenedOh my username has changedWell ok that explains almost everything

chlo has changed their nickname to adrien

adrien: I had to turn autocaps back on

nino: dude thats lame

adrien: I’m a lame personAlso to answer the chat name’s question Nino

ladybugfan2020: ????????what???????????when did this happen??????

adrien: A few months ago?

nino: sounds about right

adrien: I had to do a photoshoot that was going to involve kissing a girl and I didn’t want my first kiss to be work relatedI was talking about it to Nino and he was like “the answer is to have your first kiss before the photoshoot”

mari: And so the next logical step was to kiss NIno

adrien: …yeah sort of

nino: fun fact adrien is a great kisser@alya cause mari already knows

mari: Please stop talking to me oh my god

ladybugfan2020: i feel like im missing out how do i get adrien agreste to kiss mehow did u do it mari? it was an accident right??? just like…fall asleep on his face?

mari: I’m leaving goodbye I hate you all

ladybugfan2020: </3

Notes:

yo whats up check out my tumblr if you wanna support me and my garbage writing thanks

Summary:

a murder plan most foul

Notes:

yo whats up. before we start, a few things:

-yes, adrien and nino’s kiss was before dark cupid-yes, adrien knows that him and marinette kissed during dark cupid. marinette told him in ch15-even if it wasn’t i doubt adrien would count dark cupid as his first kiss, seeing that he doesn’t remember it

now that thats done, warning for discussions of like...murder in this chapter? they dont actually kill anyone but theyre just like...casually discussing how you would kill someone with x or y. its mostly just ridiculous but there are a few parts that could be considered kind of gross so, tread carefully if needed. (conversation creds to erin, rey, gabie, and a few cameos from priya because i basically stole that wild ride of a conversation we were on)

ladybugfan2020: k heres the planu knock them out with the tub of whipped creamtheyr not dead but theyr momentarily unconsciousthen u stuff a bunch of whipped cream in their mouth and up their noseand when they regain consciousness they choke on the whipped cream and die

adrien: OkOk soYou take the canAnd beat them over the headUntil unconscious

ladybugfan2020: yes

adrien: BUTYou fill their nostrils

nino: apparently

adrien: With whipped creamAnd their mouths

ladybugfan2020: uh huh

adrien: Let it dryUntil they slowly

ladybufan2020: dry??????????

adrien: Just suffocate

nino: no no put them in a freezerlet the cream freeze

mari: This is not where I was expecting this conversation to goWait what????

ladybug2020: no u wait until they regain consciousnessdoes whipped cream dry@mari do u have whipped cream we can test stuff with

mari: Why go through all this trouble when you can just snap someones necK?

nino: put them in th e freezer so the whipped cream freezes and retains its shape

ladybugfan2020: because death by whipped cream is the best way to go

nino: itd be like shoving a throat shaped mold down their throat and they cant breath e around it and they die

ladybugfan2020: y would u do that

adrien: No man

mari: What the fukc

adrien: You’d have to like

nino: ok lookyou cant breathe around a block of cream in your mouthand nostrilseventually youll pass out from lack of oxygen

ladybugfan2020: ye thats teh point of putting whipped cream in their mouths

mari: But then is it death by whipped cream or just suffocation

adrien: No that’s my point

nino: so freezing it would work the best

adrien: ….Wait

ladybugfan2020: the WHIPPED CREAM is doing the suffocation

adrien: It IS deathWaitNo

ladybugfan2020: so it IS death by whipped cream

adrien: It’s death by whipped creamThe whipped creamCaused it….Hm

nino: yes

ladybugfan2020: ok but y does that working best mattereither way

mari: Mmmm now Im thinking about death by chocolate

ladybugfan2020: they dieand its death by whipped cream

adrien: Death by chocolate is more complicated

nino: if you take melted chocolate and insert it into your veins

adrien: You can’t beat someone with a Hershey’s bar

ladybug2020: putting them in the freezer would just be extra@ the freezing the whipped cream

nino: you can poison yourself

adrien: I don’t knowI think chocolate is too thick for that

ladybugfan2020: about the beatingwhat about this giant ass ones u can buy online for lots of money i dont haveadrien might have to provide the murder weapon for this one

mari: I meant death by chocolate cakes adn stuff but okGood job team

adrien: Oh

nino: the meter and a half chocolate bar al?

adrien: Just buy like… 10000 chocolate cakes

ladybugfan2020: hell yeah nino

nino: i mean… you can shove cake up their nose?

adrien: Get a pick up truck

mari: Where the actual fuck is this going

adrien: And then justAll at once

ladybug2020: nah nah you could do it the same way as the whipped cream

adrien: Drop the cakes on the personAll at once

nino: run them over

adrien: Until they dieNOThat’s not death by chocolate cakeThat’s death by getting hit with a truck

mari: Alya whatare you even talkling about

ladybufan2020: u put the cake in their mouth after u knock them cold

adrien: Alya what the hell

nino: put cake over their eyes

adrien: Stop knocking them out!

mari: Why is cake on eyes????

nino: so they can pay the boat manand cross the river styx

mari: Youre spending too much time with Adrien

nino: orjust throw them in the freezer

mari: Can we not just eat dessert?????

ladybugfan2020: do u kno how hard it is to put a body in a freezer

nino: not that hard

mari: How the fuck do you know??????

nino: alyas little sisters locked me in a freezer once when i brought them to her moms workit sucked man

ladybug2020: boy that was a body sized freezer

adrien: It’ll be like that scene in Tangled

mari: jfc

ladybugfan2020: u gotta have the strength to lift like,,, a pERSON

adrien: Where Rapunzel tries to put Flynn in the dresser

mari: All my friends are serial killers

ladybufan2020: thats hard bruh

nino: not if you put your back into itfireman carry

adrien: Ok questionWhat do you do AFTER you put it in the freezer?At least if you chop a body up

nino: whoa there sweeney todd

adrien: You just drain the blood

ladybugfan2020: too messy

adrien: Fill a bag with spicesPut the parts inAnd just throw it out

nino: just roast it though???? dude, embrace the sweeney

ladybugfan2020: no but thats not death by whatever sweet you wanna kill them withthats just killing them

nino: like if i throw it in a fire, itll smell like shit, but you can pass it off as burning trash or something

adrien: Where would you even do that?That’s so conspicuous

nino: first of all sweeney todd did it in londo nsecond like...farmland?

adrien: Yeah Sweeney Todd isn’t real though

ladybug2020: ah yes the farmland in paris

nino: well drive out to the farm with the body

adrien: Who are you going to blame it on when they find a burned body???

Chapter Text

ladybugfan2020: rip me apparently there was an akuma attack last night????? and i missed it???oh it was on the other side of the city w/e then i got pics its chillwhats this link nino?? caprisun??holy SHIT i need 2 try alL OF THESEtag yourself im…….. monster alarmi am monster alarm

ladybugfan2020 has changed their nickname to monster alarm

6:39

nino has changed their nickname to mystic dragon

mystic dragon: what do you think mystic dragon tastes like

monster alarm: something fucking awesome

adrien: I have so many questions

mystic dragon: click the link my dudejoin us in this knowledge

adrien: What the hell??? Who thought that the world needed THAT MANY flavors of Capri Sun???

monster alarm: methis is amazingim living i love it hey marshthink u can pull some strings so we can get every single of caprisun ever

adrien: No offense but I don’t think my dad would be thrilled with buyingUm43 different flavors of Capri Sun

mystic dragon: did you just count those

monster alarm: MORE than 43 thats definitely MORE

adrien: Only 43 flavors are for sale! We don’t even live in the right country for some of these

monster alarm: come on rich boy!!!!!also,, nickanme

adrien: Fine fine

adrien has changed their nickname to multivitamin

mystic dragon: boy

monster alarm: why do i like you

PM between multivitamin and marinette

multivitamin: Hey MariGuess whatIf we were a Capri Sun flavored, we’d be power team

8:02 in out damned spot

mystic dragon: has anyone talked to mari today????

monster alarm: not me

multivitamin: Nope

mystic dragon: do you think shes awake?

monster alarm: uh oh

monster alarm has renamed this conversation to “orange wake up mari!!!”.

mystic dragon: oh yeah thatll DEFINITELY work algood job

monster alarm: what am i supposed to do!!!!!!!!!!!!! i already tried calling she didnt pick up

multivitamin: I’ve got her

monster alarm: wait really??

multivitamin: Yeah sorry we might’ve called at the same time

monster alarm: cool see u nerds at school

mystic dragon: i feel so loved

PM between multivitamin and marinette

multivitamin: MariMariMari are you going to wake up I know we had a really really late night last night I just want to make sure you get to school I’m gonna show up on your balcony don’t freak outI mean you aren’t going to see this if you’re asleep so you’ll probably freak out anywayOk I’m just going to apologize nowIf you punt me to the other side of the country I totally understand

8:17 in orange wake up mari!!!

marinette: IM UP IM UP IM ON MY WAY OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK WAS HAPPNEIG NI HER E

mystic dragon: mari!!!

monster alarm: soooo many things babeget here so we can explain

multivitamin: Get here faster Mari, I think Alya is going to explode

marinette: FuuuucccckkkkkkkkkkkAllso I hate ALL OF YOU WE ALL HAVE M NAMES THIS SUCK S

multivitamin: I’m coming overWe can talk about emotions because sleep deprived and exhausted is the best time to do that And we can nap I’ll try to help with physics but no promises because I wasn’t payinga ttention today

Summary:

midnight crisis

Notes:

i wrote this because being on tumblr and seeing posts about taz hurt my heart. i was going to make this silly and meme-y, but honestly? i wasn’t feeling it. ive been having a Weird Time, and having something so important to me end earlier the day i started this didn’t help.

and then today happened and just.........i am So Tired

we’ll get back to the goofs next time, but i tried to make the end of this chapter a bit lighter? yeah i failed (multivitamin = adrien, mystic dragon = nino, monster alarm = alya, elfen whatever the heck = mari)

Chapter Text

3:21 in orange wake up mari!!!

multivitamin: Do you ever stare at the ceiling and think about the future And realize you have literally just No clue what you’re doing And you don’t know if you’ll be happy Or successful And you’re just looking at the ceiling And debating your entire life And looking at all these choices you have to make and paths you have to choose And what you HAVE chosen so far and how it’s shaped your life And how everything could be different if you had just changed That one thing But you didn’t And now you’re hereStaring at the ceiling

3:57

mystic dragon: one seci cant do this with this nicknam e

mystic dragon has changed their nickname to mental support

mental support: first things firstyou ok? you dont sound ok

multivitamin has changed their nickname to existential crisis

existential crisis: I’m fine justFeels weird

mental support: dude im sorry i wish i could tell you that itll all be good but we both know thats a fucking lie but man youve got so much going for you youre talented as fuck you come from an amazing family youre an awesome person youre super smart its chill if you dont know what you wanna do right now weve got time and the past is the past we cant change it (and yo if we could we really really shouldnt) so like…why get hung up on it ok that was bad wording its super easy to get hung up on it especially when its ass oclock in the morning and your brain hates you just like deep breaths man youre gonna be ok id hug you if i could but none of our parents would be chill with that

existential crisis: ……Can we do a call

mental support: of course you dont even have to askgimme a sec to grab headphones and turn on a light

existential crisis: Ok

PM between mental support and existential crisis

4:06: Call started

6:35 in orange wake up mari!!!

monster alarm has changed their name to love and support

love and support: in this chat we love and support adrien agresteand each other

love and support has renamed this conversation to in this house we love and respect each other

love and support: brains suck and im sorry u feel like this marsh least it decided to hit u w/ that on a weekendr u feeling any better??

existential crisis: Yeah a littleI might go take a nap in a little bit

love and support: sleep is great 10/10 would recommendits like practice for death

mental support: why are you up al?

love and support: sisters they were moving around attempting to make toast or something an d knocke dover some pots now we r all upim trying to convince my mom to make pancakes

mental support: best of luck dude

love and support: ill send you them somehow if she does

PM between mental support and existential crisis

7:13: Call ended: 3 hours 5 minutes 42 seconds

existential crisis: Thank you

mental support: anything for you dude <3 love you. sleep well

existential crisis: I love you too

PM between existential crisis and elfentrank fairy drink

existential crisis: I wish we could tell them

8:36 in in this house we love and respect each other

elfentrank fairy drink: Does this mean I need to change my nicknam e

love and support: yes

elfentrank fairy drink: Ok umHol d on a sec

love and support: take ur time babe

elfentrank fairy drink: Got it

elfentrank fairy drink has changed their nickname to snack support

love and support: amazingim proud of u

snack support: I do have snack sI need to go find breakfast brb

PM between existential crisis and snack support

snack support: I wish we could tooOne day???

13:20 in in this house we love and respect each other

mental support: sup dudes i just had the wildest dream it involved clouds, adrien flying, and like 50 catsbrains are fucking weird

snack support: That is so many catsToo many cats

love and support: no such thing

snack support: Youre a dog person???

love and support: and?? i want to die under a pile of animals that love mesoft and fluff

Chapter Text

love and support: its never too early for gayalso being overtired is gay culture

mental support: stop blowing up my phone

love and support: no!!!!!!!!!!!im loving mari!!!! join me

snack support: Pleae dont

mental support: oh shit if were talking about loving mari thats totall y a different story

snack support: Why are you doing this ot m e

love and support: because w elove u!!!ur so pretty

mental support: your eyes are so bluelike the sky

love and support: the ocean

mental support: ummmm a bluer ocean

love and support: windex

snack support: Ok htis is cancleld

love and support: ur cancelled

snack support: I though ty ou loved me

mental support: oh shit

love and support: fuck

4:14

existential crisis: Hey do you ever wonder why we all hate sleep

mental support: not sure but im super into the idea fo watching a movie right now anyone wanna join

existential crisis: Always

love and support: HELL YES i feel like mari passed out

mental support: goodone of us has to live

love and support: being sleep deprived is gay culture

mental support: is everything you do gay culture

love and support: yes

PM between existential crisis and snack support

existential crisis: Did I just see Ladybug??? Why are you out right now Anything wrong??? Also let me teach you to how to put Skype on your yoyo its so much easier trust meI hope you get some sleep buggy

6:43 in in this house we love and support each other

love and support has renamed this conversation to fucking clock hearts

love and support: i want to diewhat was that ending

mental support: dude i need like a hug now i cant believe im crying over this

existential crisis: I can You’re a crier

mental support: so are you

love and support: that was so weird why did we do that

mental support: because its almost 7 and none of us have slept

love and support: ok since mari is asleep we can talk about how much we love her again

existential crisis: Amazing How do we do this

love and support: random thing you love about marigo!!!!!

mental support: her hair is like. really soft and silkyit also sorta changes color depending on the lightin g

existential crisis: I’ve never thought about that before but you’re righ tWhat color is it actually??

love and support: mari is a brunette

mental support: no her hair is black

existential crisis: But in some light it’s like……not? It’s like…blue

mental support: blue??????

love and support: BLUENETTE

mental support: someone kick alya out

love and support: haha fuck you you cant kick me out im the one who made the chat

10:35

snack support: Why are you all lik e this

PM between existential crisis and snack support

snack support: I needed some air I was getting restlessI know we had an akum alike three days ago but I dont know Just really want to go ou t You were all up really late being ridiculous I hope you sleep well kitty

11:45 in fucking clock hearts

love and support has changed their name to ebony dark’ness dementia raven way

existential crisis: Wait hold on I can do thisI was walking outside Hogwarts It was snowing and raining so there was no sun which I was very happy aboutA lot of preps stared at meI put up my middle finger at them

Notes:

Summary:

us music from the early 2000s

Notes:

alright!!! so this chapter is a little special. its a contest!!!!

for literally no reason at all, i decided to have a little fun with this chapter. in this chapter, there are a bunch of pop song references. the majority are from the early 2000s (before 2010, tho there may be one or two from 2011 or 12) and one is from the 90s. whoever can list the most references wins a drabble/short fic of their choice from me!

to enter, go to my tumblr and submit a list of all the songs that were referenced in this chapter. (or the ones you could find) it's fine if you don't have a tumblr, all you need is an email! if you don't have a tumblr PLEASE tell me what your ao3 is in the submission (and also comment on this chapter saying you've entered so i can contact you if you win!)

i'm doing it on tumblr just because it's more fair to those who read the chapter later— it's no fun if people go through the comments to see what other people found!!

Chapter Text

mental support: i can t believe you just made me listen to all of thatwhat the fuck

draco malfoy: Now You Know

mental support: i wish i didnt

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: its so good so iconic also the writer is now a fukcing awesome published author and mari and i r gonna read her books together join uswe can b the nerds with a book club

mental support: i just spent several hours listening to you three do a dramatic reading of my immortali think weve gone past nerds with a book club

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: sounds fake

vampire: You cant say that wasnt a lot of fun thoughI forgot how wil d that fic got

mental support: i need to process

draco malfoy: Have fun

5:02

draco malfoy: Reasons to quit modelling:Early morning shoots

draco malfoy changed his name to asleep in makeup

asleep in makeup: I can’t wait to be done today

9:34

mental support: i am so sorry dudefingers crossed that your dad stops sending you to them

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: ^^^

mental support: al babe pleasechange your name

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: f i n euhhhhhhhh

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way has changed their name to aint no lie

aint no lie: baby bi bi bi

mental support: i dont know what i expected

aint no lie: pls choose a lyric and join me

mental support: youre ridiculous why do i love you

mental support has changed their name to fool for you

aint no lie: lmao sap

fool for you: true

10:02

vampire: Oh my god we have so man y orders to day Wont be on Im dyingIm gonna dronw in frosting

vampire has changed their name to too many cookies

fool for you: uhhh no such thing let me know when youre on your break i wanna stop in and say hi and also steal some baked goods pull you away from baking for a bit

too many cookies: My knight in shining arm or <3

fool for you: mostly hoping for cookies deemed unworthy to sell but yesi can work with knight

too many cookies: At least youre honest

13:35

asleep in makeup: Get me out og hits hous e

aint no lie: omwget ready to leave boy i was in the area on a walk

asleep in makeup: Thnak s

13:46

fool for you: let me know if i can do anything ok?? if you need to stay the night or something that super chill my moms wont mindbesides they keep trying to invite you all to dinner

too many cookies: Same as what Nino said!!! And also what!! I love your moms Id love to go to dinner??????

asleep in makeup: I’m with AlyaWe’re listening to 2000 hits from the US

too many cookies: Of course you are Are you having funAnd feeling better??

asleep in makeup: Yeah We’re cuddling and making fun of the music videos Mostly the fashionAlso her mom brought home some food from the hotel so we don’t have to eat ramen which is both awesome and a disappointment

too many cookies: MhmHow hard are you pining

asleep in makeup: Shut up

too many cookies: You love me

asleep in makeup: Unfortunately Why are our friends just so Great Good Incredible Sos I’m getting emotional about them MariI really love them what did we do

too many cookies: We have really great taste obviously

asleep in makeup: Man I have shitty luck

too many cookies: Or the best

asleep in makeup: That’s your department

too many cookies: True tru eAre you going to survive??

asleep in makeup: YeahCuddling with Alya is unfairly nice

too many cookies: Tell me about itAnyway why this song

asleep in makeup: Because I love you and just wanted to remind you

too many cookies: This is the worst way to tell me that But I love you too I have to go help my mom with dinner but Ill talk to you later <3 Have funDont die

asleep in makeup: No promises

20:02 in fucking clock hearts

aint no lie has renamed this conversation to tell your boyfriend if hes got beef

too many cookies: Wha t

aint no lie: THAT IM A VEGETARIAN AND I AINT FUCKING SCARED O F HIM

fool for you: what the fuck

asleep in makeup: We’ve been watching music videos for like 3 hours

aint no lie: im liv in g

asleep in makeup: My dad would die if he saw any of the outfits people are wearing in these

aint no lie: american pop music from the 2000s is wildjoin us

fool for you: i thik im good

asleep in makeup: Youre not

aint no lie: were not falling in love were just falling apart :/

too many cookies: Im too tired for fake deep al

aint no lie: rip im sorry babe

fool for you: can i break into the bakery and get a cookiei need sugar

too many cookies: Cn I convince you to watch a show with me or something

fool for you: duh

too many cookies: !!!!!!!!! Let me know when you get here Im just at the foot of the stairs braiding my hairIll let you in

20:15

aint no lie: bo ywhy are all of 3oh3s songs fucking icon ci

too many cookies: 3oh3 is that supposed to likeMean somethin g

aint no lie: idk its just another word i never learned how to pronounce

too many cookies: RIp

fool for you: yo mari im here

too many cookies: !!!

20:25

aint no lie: a;lsdkfjasdf things i apparently need to doadd chloe on snapchat

fool for you: yo why

asleep in makeup: She just sent me a selfie of her wearing designer shades just to hide her face cause she took her makeup off

aint no lie: she is???? weirdly chill snapchattin g marhswhtf

too many cookies: Whtf???

fool for you: what hell the fuck

asleep in makeup: That might have to do with us having been friends since we were like In diapersChloe isn’t the best person but we still talk for a reason

aint no lie: fair

fool for you: i follow her on twitter for her rants theyre ridicthey make my day

asleep in makeup: Oh uh Nino can I come over when you’re done at the bakery?

fool for you: yeah of course dude!!! that offers always there

aint no lie: >:(

too many cookies: I take it you two had this argument alread y

asleep in makeup: Yup I feel bad invading Alya’s space for so long

aint no lie: youve been around all night before!!!!! its not a big deal!!!!!!!!!!!the party dont stop

fool for you: want me to steal some cookies from you

asleep in makeup: Stealing is bad

aint no lie: why are u leaving me!!!!!!!!!!!

too many cookies: Ill let Nino tak ethe cookies then its not stealingAlso cant you have this con vo irl??

asleep in makeup: Yeah but this is better

aint no lie: yeah also were comfy on the couch and itd be weird to yell at each other when were sitting like this

PM between asleep in makeup and too many cookies

too many cookies: Rip

asleep in makeup: Please don’t make this worse

too many cookies: Come on Romeo

asleep in makeup: That’s not my name

too many cookies: Fiiine You ok?? I know youre going over NinosHes getting ready to leave btw but he just mentioned that in the main chat

asleep in makeup: Yeah I justIts been a really really messed up week

too many cookies: Fair enoughLet me know if you need anything ok???

asleep in makeup: Thanks <3Going from Alya to Nino will be fun

too many cookies: Tonight your e fallign in love

asleep in makeup: Very funny But let me know if you need anything tooOk???

too many cookies: I will <3 <3

in tell your boyfriend if hes got beef

fool for you: ok sohow many cookies is too many cookies

aint no lie: there is literally no such thingweve talked about thi s

fool for you: i bet if you eat too many you could die

aint no lie: come on let me shake up ur world and change ur lifeeat All The Cookies