Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Recently my husband and I made the huge decision to let me stay home and raise Ezekiel. Even though I only worked 2 days a week the thought of being away from my child for those 10 hour days just broke my heart and made me feel sick inside. I think I was a little jealous of the thought that someone else could possibly see my baby do things for the first time and I would miss out on his accomplishments. It wasn't just those little things that made the idea of returning to work hard, it was also everything involved with nursing a baby. I had already celebrated the day that I got to return my beloved pump when Baby Z graduated to a full time nursing baby and I just didn't want to welcome that awful thing back into the family... HA!

There are so many things that I didn't really think about before Ezekiel was born. I knew I would probably be home and not do very much for the first few weeks, but I never thought about how intense a schedule for a EBF baby could be.. like if you don't nurse after a few hours not only is baby screaming but Momma is dealing with a t-shirt problem if you know what I mean?? And not the Wet T-shirt contest that anyone would want to enter...(not that I would ever have/or thought of entering any other kind of wet t-shirt contest either). I didn't think about how I would be planning out when I needed to feed my baby and plan it just right so that we could take off and be driving to Portland or where ever for 2 hours or so and get there before he would start crying because he was hungry. Or going out to eat... or going to the beach...

I never considered the fact that sometimes I might just have to be prepared to feed my baby in PUBLIC with no private nursing mothers room! It's funny the little tricks and methods you can come up with to keep yourself modest. I know I live in hippie town USA but I'm sorry I'm not just gonna whip out the boob for all to see... and I never really thought about the fact that there are just somethings that I might have to miss out on....

LIKE WATCHING FIREWORKS ON THE BEACH LOOKING OVER THE OCEAN....HOW ROMANTIC.......

This 4th of July we got to be at the coast for the first time on this holiday and as everyone was loading up to go find the perfect spot on the sand I thought to myself (being very practical) "Why in the world am I thinking that I can bring my baby out to the beach tonight?" It probably would be a lot different if we were on the beach in Southern California or in Florida somewhere warm, but on the Oregon coast even during the warmest day in the summer the beach is cold, windy, sandy, did I say cold and windy??? So Brian jumped in the van with his parents and I ended up back at the house with my bubby.

As much as was glad that I was in a warm house snuggling my sleep, exhausted from a long weekend baby, I was starting to get a little sad about the fact that I was missing out on the fireworks. At this point one could get a little depressed thinking "I'm not gonna get to do anything fun for a while" or you could think about the fact that the decisions you make could adversely affect this tiny little being in your possession! So be wise, right! I'm not saying sit at home and do nothing or go nowhere.. Evaluate each situation as it comes up.

Psalm 374 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.

As I was sitting in the house with Ezekiel getting ready to feed him (another thing I didn't want to do at the beach) I could hear fireworks going off everywhere. I just love that sound of celebration, the 4th of July is one day that you can relax when big explosions sound off and not work if something is wrong! And then to my surprise in the corner of my eye I see a huge firework burst right outside of the balcony window!!! Wow! These weren't just the little firecrackers that you can buy in Oregon, these were the big illegal ones that you have to drive to Washington to buy!! I was so excited I grabbed Zeke and put him in his warm jammies and we went out on the balcony and got to see our own private little display of fireworks!!! And at 3 months old I KNOW he saw them because each time one went off he perked up and his eyes just got huge!

It says take delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. If I had chosen to get upset at the fact that I wasn't out with everyone else enjoying the show would we have got to see our own little show? Maybe? Maybe not? But I'm gonna take it as an example of the LORD giving me the desires of MY heart. :) Something I have been really needing for a while.... a little pick me up to know that He still cares for ME.

Psalm 229 Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb and led me to trust you at my mother’s breast.10 I was thrust into your arms at my birth. You have been my God from the moment I was born.

I'm sure it wasn't a coincidence that when all of the family arrived back at the house at about 11pm at separate times each one individually told me that I had made the right decision to take Zeke home instead of going to the beach. I guess it was extremely windy and very cold, they had made a fire to stay warm and all smelled like campfire smoke when they got home. I'm so glad that I didn't go I would have been so upset with myself if I did go and because of the weather my baby had gotten his first cold.

I'm so grateful that I can trust God to take care of me when I listen to Him. In all of this I am learning how important my role as a Momma is to my little one. Now I don't just make decisions for myself but along with my husband we have to make decisions for our child. We have to make decisions that please God because ultimately we are teaching little Ezekiel how to trust God by how we live. It's amazing to me that even this tiny little being already knows the presence of God. He absolutely loves the song "How He Loves" its one of the only ones that automatically calms him down every time it is played. This afternoon we were singing to Kari Jobe and Klaus' version of the song and I had my hands raised and at that moment I looked down and it was like he was already mimicking me and he had his hands raised praising the LORD as well. It's amazing to me that the most powerful moments of the songare when my little Ezekiel smiles the most! He already knows How much he is loved by God and I will do my best to make sure it stays that way!

This 4th of July weekend was huge for Ezekiel James!! He is now 3 months old and I can't believe it. How is it possible that this much time has passed already. We got to spend the weekend at Great Grandma Edna and Grandpa Bill's beach house in Lincoln City and boy did we have fun!

At 3 months old my little man got to go to the beach for the 1st time, I was 15 before I got to put my toes in the sand on the Pacific coast! He had so much fun just laughing up a storm and laying on the sand. And we managed to not get a sunburn... a huge plus for Momma!

He passed over so many milestones from going to the beach for the first time to rolling over!! Yes on the day he turned 3 months Ezekiel ROLLED OVER for the first time.. I'm so proud! I'm just in awe of how perfect he is to Brian and I! Because he was born 6 weeks early the NICU nurses and doctors all said it would take him a lot longer to do things developementally than term babies. Not my little man not only can he do everything on the list for a 3 month old, he can do more!!!

I can't keep my eyes off of him for fear that I might miss him do something new for the first time!

Hip Hip Hooray! Ezekiel's photo was accepted for the 2011 Gerber Baby Contest on Facebook. Voting begins July 5th and ends on July 31st. Vote everyday for Z to get a shot at winning :) This little cutie patootie can do this!!!

To vote go to the Gerber page on facebook and "like" then you can either search for Ezekiel by entering his name or his #159805.