Tag Archives: oblivion

The only reason I’m rating Oblivion a high 20% is for those snazzy velcro hightop sneakers Tom Cruise (Jack Harper) sports throughout – minus the scene he tosses them to go skinny dipping with his “effective” partner Victoria (Andrea Louise Riseborough) in their futuristic glass pool high atop the clouds safe from the toxic air below. Because as far as I can gather from Tom’s opening monotone narration – many moons ago there was some kind of war of the worlds shit in which space invaders not only decimated the Earth but even went so far as to destroy our moon! Now folks, that’s just plain rude. Who would do such a thing and why? Well that’s exactly what we have to figure out as Jack Harper grapples with his inner demons, allegiance, and ultimately his identity. (Sort of like how in real life Tom has to grapple with his homosexuality by suppressing it with his devotion to Scientology.)

Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with all the loopholes within this sci-fi movie but there are a few things which I just can’t dismiss lightly – Like how come when Tom is flying that high tech contraption he’s not wearing a fucking helmet? Forget about knocking your head about, but how about the radioactive air he has to breathe? And why would Victoria not wash her fucking hands after being completely wigged out over touching a toxic flower before preparing dinner? And when Jack Harper plays Led Zeppelin’s Ramble On you can clearly see him drop the needle on the vinyl to the first song on the side when that song is actually the third on side 2!! And lastly, I guess the bit about the moon.

And you know what else is gay? Creating something so trite, obvious, and especially unoriginal. As if we haven’t seen glass houses, underwater sex sessions, human pods, clones, underground bands of survivors or those Portal 2 drones before – we have to be subjected to more lame lovestruck Sleepless in Seattle and Love Affair goobers atop the Empire State Building.

“How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?” – Max Bialystock