15 Things We Learned This Week (28/2/14)

Well, that was a whirlwind seven days, wasn’t it? As another week (and indeed February) draws to a close, here’s what we’ve learned – starting with Slipknot, who are dusting off their boiler suits to begin work on a new album. ‘It’s going to be everything you want in a Slipknot album,’ said Corey Taylor, very politely for a man commonly seen screaming “PEOPLE EQUAL SHIT.”

Credit: Andy Ford/NME

2/15

Bookies are now no longer taking bets on Kasabian headlining Glastonbury, such is the near-certainty of the ‘Velociraptor’ band appearing at Worthy Farm this June. Here’s some other bets you can place instead, courtesy of NME’s finest betting minds: Bowie performs (60-1), Pharrell becomes the first man in history to make wellies look good (5-1) and Dolly Parton wows everyone (9-5).

Credit: Ed Miles/NME

3/15

When told of Prince’s exceptional ping-pong skills in a Billboard interview this week and asked what his secret exceptional skill is, Morrissey replied that he is also an exceptional ping-pong player. Cancel everything else at the next Olympics and just have these two face off on a table tennis table, we say.

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4/15

Good news LCD Soundsystem fans trying to plug the hole left by their 2011 split with fine quality caffeine – you can now buy James Murphy’s own signature blend of coffee. We’re boycotting it till he changes the name to ‘Where Are Your Blends Tonight?’ though.

Credit: Ben Rayner/NME

5/15

Oasis teased a “special announcement” this week, understandably whipping everyone into excitement over the possibility of a reunion tour. No dice – just the release of this extended, definitive ‘Definitely Maybe’ boxset. ‘Definitively Maybe’ you might call it.

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6/15

Blondie are playing Glastonbury, Debbie Harry let slip on the NME Awards red carpet this week, making life just one long tedious countdown till we’re all splashing around in muddy mire to ‘Call Me’ grinning like euphoric baboons now. Bring it on.

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7/15

Johnny Marr hasn’t read his former bandmate Morrissey’s autobiography, he told NME this week. “There are a lot of books to read,” the Smiths man explained. There you have it – great guitarist, slow reader. Smiths producer Stephen Street mentioned reading it this week however, and it won Best Book at the NME Awards, so not all bad, Moz.

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8/15

Pharrell and Daft Punk have unveiled a new collaboration, ‘Gust of Wind’, from the NERD man’s new solo album ‘GIRL’. Apparently it follows an obscure previous collaboration, teaming up for a song called ‘Get Lucky’. No, we’ve never heard of it either.

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9/15

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10/15

Do you want the good news or the bad news? The good news you say? Well, Damon Albarn’s confirmed to NME Blur have recorded 15 new songs. The bad news, sadly, is it might be “years” before they see the light of day. What is it this week and Britpop icons teasing us like this? Bastards, the lot of them.

Credit: Press/ Linda Brownlee

11/15

Yeezus H. Christ! Kanye West has announced a film documentary of his current tour, directed by Hype Williams, is set to hit theatres soon. Our bet is it’ll be the Citizen Kane of concert movies that feature a white Jesus Christ impersonator discussing religion with a black Jesus Christ impersonator.

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12/15

More Damon Albarn news – his new band is to be called the Heavy Seas and he’s currently working on a new project inspired by trips to North Korea. While you’re there Damon, have a word about all that missle testing, won’t you fella? Thanks pal.

Credit: Press / Linda Brownlee

13/15

Justin Beiber’s DUI arrest footage has appeared online. No word yet on whether it’s eligible for Best Picture at this Sunday’s Oscars but it gets our vote.

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14/15

Noel Gallagher’s new Flying Birds album has the spirit of ‘Definitely Maybe’, the former Oasis man said this week. That’ll do nicely, thanks Noel.

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15/15

Finally, Lady Gaga has been denied permission to play in a giant Doritos vending machine at SXSW, amid safety concerns. Presumably organisers are worried she’ll get covered in cheese dust and attacked by a swarm of bees or something. Who knows. Gaga, our thoughts are with you at this trying time.