Iowomp Womp Womp: Happy Caucus Day!

NEW YORK—Friends, we have arrived. Months and months of penetrating insight and attentive poll-watching from our dedicated, thoughtful crew of professional political reporters have all been leading up to this moment, when tonight, in living rooms and VFW halls across the frost covered fields of the great state of Iowa, a block of voters representing fewer than three one-hundredths of one percent of the total US population kick off this year’s Republican nominating contest. It is here that so many months of breathless speculation will finally see a pay off when panelists, columnists, and editorial boards all simultaneously turn their attention to… breathlessly speculating about exit polls! Before it starts all over again for New Hampshire! And then South Carolina! And then in Florida and again on Super Tuesday until a president is finally elected on November 6th and we can all get back to the important business of breathlessly speculating about who will be running in 2016.

So here’s what to look foward to this evening, sports fans: caucusing begins at 7:00PM local time (8:00 in beltway and Rock Center television studios), when Iowa Republicans will read off a few well-vetted prepared talking points (Rick Santorum’s supporters will apparently be quoting Glenn Beck) before literally scribbling down the name of their preferred candidate on a piece of paper (you’re so adorably rustic, Iowa). But good news for one-L two-N Michele Bachmann: the Iowa state GOP tells Talking Points Memo that misspellings will be counted. And it’s important to remember that Iowa Republican nominating rules have no 15% viability threshold, meaning the chips will fall however they will after only one round of balloting (this is in contrast to the ‘Survivor’-style Democratic nominating contests, where supporters of candidates who obtain less than 15% of the total vote throw their support behind another candidate who’s still standing in later rounds—and with Gingrich, Perry and Bachmann enjoying the support of a total of 30% of caucusgoers with not one of them capturing over 15%, this is very good news for Mitt Romney).

Also, even unregistered Iowa voters should feel free to show up at their local caucus tonight, where they can register on the spot without any form of photo identification, since it turns out Republicans aren’t so concerned about voter fraud when the only people voting are Midwestern white people.

But thankfully for all of us there’s actually no need to tune in at all, because as usual Nate Silver has already predicted everything: the Bill James of American politics is putting the smart money on Mitt Romney, with only a slightly smaller chance that Ron Paul stages an upset. But we’re not about to let the professional pundit class have all the fun here, so if you’ll let us put on our prognosticator’s cap for just a moment (it looks a lot like Princess Beatrice’s), we’re a bit more inclined to agree with Howard Dean here and suspect we may just end up with a Santorum upset.

Speaking of Santorum, the distinguished halls of the Grey Lady are swelling with Rickmentum today, where the ungoogleable one is not only getting special attention for his sweater vests but even seems to have sealed the David Brooks endorsement.

And if there’s any good news to come out of tonight’s theatrics it’s that none of us will ever again have to pay attention to Rick Perry or Michele Bachmann, a payoff which really couldn’t have come a moment too soon considering that at a Bachmann campaign stop yesterday, according to the Times, “One man brought his Bible to be autographed. And Mrs. Bachmann said she was delighted to do it.” (And that’s when our heads exploded.)

Meanwhile, former Politico star Ben Smith is already bringing the lulz in his new gig over at BuzzFeed, where he outlines “Ron Paul’s secret plan to actually win.” BuzzFeed readers rate this theory “Win” over “Fail” by a two-to-one margin, with “LOL” and “Cute” trailing not too far behind in a statistical dead heat.

Don’t miss yesterday’s look ahead from Greg Sargent at the GOP’s game plan for the general: “After doing everything in their power to prevent Obama from successfully transcending partisanship and achieving transformative change — even if it meant repeatedly opposing solutions to profound national problems they once embraced — Republicans will now attack him for failing to transcend partisanship and achieve transformative change.”

Lastly, we were slow-clapping at our laptop yesterday when we saw this truly herculean effort from Capital New York’s Joe Pompeo, “An Annotated Field Guide to the Campaign 2012 Press Corps.” All 1,500 of them!! (Which of course made us think of this tweet from David Sirota: “Shocking that same media spending this much cash on 24-7 coverage of IA caucus somehow pleads poverty when it comes to actual journalism.”) (#truthbombs #shotsfired #etc #etc #etc)

Ron Paul's "Secret" Plan to win sounds a lot like the last "secret" plan…

1. Mix some truth with the crazy and ideological libertarian bullshit
2. Aspergy and irrational followers annoy the shit out of everyone
3. ???
4. Get elected!

Guppy

And here I thought it really was spelled "ass-pie."

http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

I keep on saying that libertarians and paultards give Aspies a bad name, but you know what, fuck it, a ton of them are and generally the most ridiculous, stereotypical, never-even-make-the-effort-to-shore-up-your-shortcomings sorts of Aspies, too.

I love literal-minded, geeky people, but dear god, do I ever hate other Aspies so much. They're so fucking terrible.

elviouslyqueer

Oh Manchu, you forgot the most important part of his plan:

2a. Reinflate blimp. #winning!

tessiee

*raises hand*
Where 3.??? = legalize weed?

Baconzgood

"Ron Paul stages an upset"

Is it snowing really bad in Iowa?

http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

Lots of Santorum on the road, I suspect.

Negropolis

I've heard of black ice, but brown ice is new to me.

Geminisunmars

I think that is called brown surge.

Callyson

According to weather.com (which is not always reliable, but that's a rant for another topic), Des Moines will get to 41 degrees and windy today, and a high of 33 degrees in Iowa City is expected. Also known in those parts as a heat wave…

Baconzgood

That is now offically all I ever will (or want to) know about Iowa.

tessiee

""Ron Paul stages an upset"

Is it snowing really bad in Iowa?"

If "Ron Paul stages an upset" means Ron Paul got a surprisingly large number of votes, I suspect it's snowing really bad in Hell.

GOPCrusher

Beautiful sunny day here in Iowa. Look for the Ron Paul movement to come to a screeching halt.

Baconzgood

Matt sure wrote alota words about shit none of us Wonkers care about.

Radiotherapy

The fucker's been off for two weeks, whatcha expect?

Texan_Bulldog

Yeah, I think Wonkette readers have very short attention spans (plus all the hangovers). I quit reading after

BaldarTFlagass

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

*gets coffee mug thrown upside head*

Baconzgood

I can help you with that stutter…

tessiee

You already tried hitting him upside the head with a coffee mug, and it obviously didn't work.

HempDogbane

I want to read about Pizza Ranch. Christian/cowboy-themed Pizza is so good !

Biff

The trick is in the cowpie…

tessiee

Yeah, I love those stories and movies about the Wild West, where all the cowboys are sitting around the campfire with the blue-and-white speckled tin coffee pot over the fire, and one of them is tossing a pizza in the background, ready to bake it in the brick oven that they brought on the trail with them.

hollywooddood

At least Ron Paul has the youth-with-grandpa-issues tied up.

Joshua Norton

Y' know even if they relegated Iowa to the Stone Age, it would only set them back about 6 months.

With all the "we want to be first" state primary fetishes going on, they'll soon be pushing them up to the day after Inauguration.

GOPCrusher

The 2016 Caucuses start next week.

Radiotherapy

I've got my Carly Simon, Anticipation, cued up on the turntable.

ClydeMydia

What's a turntable???

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

It's for backup when Radio is too broke or spent or hung over to play anymore. Like the old John Prine songs that "…never last too long on broken radios" ♫

I'll just be right over here…

Radiotherapy

I got two turntables and a microphone.

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

oh that definitely has a better beat, and can dance to it, than Prine's ballad – – not that there's anything wrong w/ his slower tunes but now that I've had Sam Stone playing in my head all morning I welcome the transition to Beck~

Dudleydidwrong

I'm gonna listen to Eric Burdon. "We gotta get out of this place" seems appropriate. No offense to animals or The Animals but there's nothing in Iowa but dumb-fuck animals.

Callyson

Peggy Lee, "Is That All There Is?"
(Somehow, music of that era seems to fit, though it might be too modern for some of today's Reeps…)

Geminisunmars

And tomorrow we can sing "What a Difference a Day Makes", or maybe "Bye Bye Miss American Pie".

tessiee

"I've got my Carly Simon, Anticipation, cued up on the turntable."

*salutes briskly*
Ketchup bottle is ready!

Arken

When Iowa's caucus ends, we can all sit back and be thankful that there are only 7352 more GOP debates to follow it.

skoalrebel

The Founders wisely said that "If you build it, they will come." [spit] This is why Iowa will always the great cornfield of democracy. It's all about that vision thing. And moonshine. But don't forget the dip! [spit]

Dashboard Buddha

Hey…good to see you. How were the holidays?

skoalrebel

Great! [spit] The whole family gathered at my cousin Bubba's place to celebrate. We had it all: turkey, stuffing, pie, hard liquor, guns, and plenty of dip! Bubba gave me a book for Christmas. it's called The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. It explains a lot of interesting stuff.

Dashboard Buddha

What a coincidence. I got a copy of Behold A Pale Horse. Man…is that turning out to be an eye opener!

Negropolis

I prefer to think of it as a corn pit. A field sounds too egalitarian, too much implying that they see everyone on the same level. No, it's the great cornpit of authoritarianism, with the oligarchs hanging onto the edge of the corn sarlacc, and everyone else fighting to not slide down to jaws.

ThundercatHo

So I suppose the the message here is, "Don't go to Iowa without your body armour and jetpack"?

tessiee

Didn't Stephen King make a horror movie about this?

GorzoTheMighty

I am betting my Ameros on Ron Paul. Midget/ Clown 2012

Monsieur_Grumpe

There goes my ounce of respect for David Brooks.

Troubledog

David Brooks, in reply:
"In these troubling times, some people feel one way. But others feel differently. Still others remain undecided. It reminds me of a historical event, where also people were trying to decide something. A character in that event faced a dilemma and ultimately, he had trouble deciding. It was much like the current situation, where people are trying to decide. But this is why our system is pretty good, even though it could be better."

Chichikovovich

Brooks continued:
"And for a non-partisan independent above the fray like me, this is no time for partisan fingerpointing. The Democrats are always seeking, and will only accept, solutions that increase government spending and government power*. They remain the party of Acid, Amnesty and Abortion and American troops in harm's way rightly regard them as failing to give adequate support. They don't dare propose education reforms for fear of offending the teachers unions. They stick to old strategies as Medicare and Social Security head toward bankrupcy, while the bold efforts to confront the problems head on, by Newt Gingrich, Scott Walker and Paul Ryan show the Republicans to be the party of ideas. […etc….] Meanwhile, last Daylight Savings Time weekend, John Bohner forgot to turn the clocks in his house forward until late Monday afternoon. So both sides have faults and I can be treated as a credible independent observer because am critical of both."

*[Editor's note: Actual moronic thing straight from Rove/Luntz talking point central that Brooks has written (variations of) on several occasions. As if the Democratic leadership considers a proposed solution by asking "First priority: will this increase government spending and government power? Second priority: Will it solve the problem?" [Fantasy populating Brooks' mind: US ambassador to Afghanistan: "The Taliban and all of Al Qaeda have agreed to cease hostilities and kill themselves if we just ask them nicely." Socialist Democrat: "Sorry, no can do. That won't increase government spending."] ]

tessiee

"As if the Democratic leadership considers a proposed solution by asking "First priority: will this increase government spending and government power? Second priority: Will it solve the problem?""

Since the loyal opposition actually does something like the evil mirror image of this — with increasing power to corporations instead of government, and a desire NOT to solve the problem, thereby supporting their theory that "government just doesn't work" — I can only suspect projection on a major scale.

Geminisunmars

"The News Hour" was wondering if you could fill in this Friday as Brooks has the night off.

GhostBuggy

Essentially, he seemed to be saying that if Santorum doesn't win, it's because of money and the unfair coverage of his INSANE IDEAS. You know, just like Palin and Buchanan!

Go fuck yourself, Brooks.

GOPCrusher

I thought that was Ron Paul's excuse?

Joshua Norton

And in the name of all that's holy, could we put the kibosh on the term “Santorum surge”? It sounds like something you'd get after eating a fish taco that you bought off a street vendor in Tijuana.

Guppy

Though occasionally in the vicinity, fish tacos are actually completely uninvolved in the production of santorum.

Troubledog

Michele Bachmann's Last Day Off

freakishlywrong

We, (U.S of America), are fucked.

DaRooster

I said the exact same thing…

(… when Bush beat cheated Gore)

proudgrampa

I TOLD you we were freakin' doomed!

Geminisunmars

Regardless who gets nominated, we are fucked just by the sheer buffoonery of the entire repub contingent. Sorry about the snarklessness of this.

freakishlywrong

“after doing everything in their power to prevent Obama from successfully transcending partisanship and achieving transformative change — even if it meant repeatedly opposing solutions to profound national problems they once embraced caused — Republicans will now attack him for failing to transcend partisanship and achieve transformative change.”

Better.

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

I was gonna try to make a pun out of "dang-gone dangling modifiers" – – but feared you would come up w/ a better pun to correct mine with.

tessiee

“after doing everything in their power to prevent Obama from successfully transcending partisanship and achieving transformative change … Republicans will now attack him for failing to transcend partisanship and achieve transformative change.”

"Republicans attack Obama for opposing them with insufficient zeal" — future headline in "The Onion"*

*I went to the website and searched to make sure that this wasn't an *actual* headline in The Onion.

MrFizzy

I'm voting for the white Teletubby in the sleeveless sweater. He seems very nice.

BaldarTFlagass

Bible signed by Michele Bachmann? pft. I had my Bible signed by the Father and the Son. I didn't get the Holy Ghost's autograph, though, because I couldn't see him.

MrFizzy

Plus he writes in invisible pen. Jeebus can see it of course.

Barrelhse

My dick has some lettering on it- says "Mann," but when I'm erect you can see that she signed it "Michele Bachmann."

BaldarTFlagass

So, she gave you a woody? Eww.

MrFizzy

At least it's not Marcus.

Terry

Hard for a ghost, regardless of how holy, to hold a pen.

GunToting[Redacted]

There's that damn echo again!

tessiee

The Holy Ghost doesn't give autographs, but if you're very virtuous, he may slime you.

Doktor Zoom

Huh-huh…they got santorum on their caucus…huh-huh-huh….

SorosBot

So here, on the day after a three-day weekend that also marks a return to the normal work schedule, we all have this spectacle to look forward to. It's like the RNC is in a conspiracy with the alcohol companies to make sure we never stop drinking.

ThundercatHo

Well, it's worked out so well for the tobacco companies and the oil companies.

James Michael Curley

For the upcoming (or is that outgoing?) Santorum Surge I recommend Depends.

SorosBot

Santorum has come back from the rear!

chascates

I'm guessing there will be a live blog here for tonight's festivities? I'm waiting for the liquor store to open for my caucus bourbon.

BaldarTFlagass

Iowomp Womp Womp:

Shouldn't that read "Iofap Fap Fap"?

tessiee

I, personally, was singing:
"Iowomp Womp Womp, another one bites the dust",
but yours is good, too.

Negropolis

Trouble in River City, y'all! Sound the alarms!

Iowa is just now getting Michael Jackson's music, right? Wait until they get Lady Gaga. The old Iowan church ladies are going to shit their britches when she hits the airwaves.

http://www.twoeightnine.com twoeightnine

I drove across Iowa one day this summer, it was the longest 16 years of my life.

MARCdMan

Since all these Caucus things do is identify the wingnut-preferred candidate, when is the media going to simply start ignoring the winner.

EatsBabyDingos

Throughout it all, one song has been knocking around in my empty head, and it seems to sum up the slate of these mentall midgets:

"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT"

BaldarTFlagass

I've had a whole album doing the same thing. Pink Floyd "Animals"

Ha ha, charade they are.

tessiee

"You've got to be able to pick out the easy meat with your eyes closed.
And after a while, you can work on points for style.
Like the club tie, and the firm handshake,
A certain look in the eye and an easy smile.
You've got to be trusted by the people that you lie to"

freakishlywrong

All I hear is clown music.

Negropolis

What an existential question. Indeed, who did cry "havoc!" and let slip the dogs of war? Not Willard, for sure. His dog was strapped in kennel atop his station wagon on the freeway.

BaldarTFlagass

Wasn't that Christopher Walken?

tessiee

Now I'm hearing, in Christopher Walken's voice:
'Your dog. He seems to be. On the roof of your car. Why is your dog. On the roof of your car?"

Biff

And leaking santorum down onto the windshield, I heard.

Negropolis

How much any of you want to bet that Sarah is already on her way on her tacky bus to reach Des Moines by 7:00 to be greeted as a liberator?

tessiee

She *does* have a history of showing up where she's not expected nor invited (see also Thunder, Rolling), and assuming that she'll be the guest of honor.

sbj1964

The Republican primary's are doing a good job at electing Obama.

tessiee

And you think this is accidental?
They're not sending in their first team because they don't *want* to win this election, and why would they? They've already got someone in office who will do whatever they want, cleaning up the messes that Bush made, without their having to do any actual work or get blamed for anything — and when the inevitable crash comes, it will happen on The Black Guy's watch.

GhostBuggy

Silly Gifzette! We'll never make it to 2016!

fartknocker

I won't watch any of it. I'm afraid the Screech Owl of Wasilla will be making an apperance on the Tee-Vee. Her voice combined with the voice of Joan of St. Cloud, MN causes my beloved cat to have seizures. We will be drinking however and watching the Wonkette commentary, because its considered fair and accurate reporting in the Fartknocker casa.

BaldarTFlagass

Maybe I'll tune in for a second if the Michigan/VaTech game turns out to be a snoozer.

fartknocker

I'm pleased as punch that my beloved OSU Cowboys won the Fiesta Bowl. That was a great game. We usually make it to the Dog Chow Bowl or some other obscure late-night no-prime-time bowl so last night was a treat.

As a Sooner fan, I had to clinch my sphincter to root for OSU…but I managed it (with the help of a lot of drinking).

http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

oh… that's perfect for the new band I want to start as a new year's rez.. we will call ourselves "Clinch My Sphincter"

tessiee

Yeah!
Ducks won the Rose Bowl!
DUCKS WON THE ROSE BOWL!!
YEAH!!!
*dances around living room*
*shakes ass triumphantly*

user-of-owls

the Screech Owl of Wasilla

You'll be hearing from my lawyers soon.

gullywompr

Meh.

DaRooster

Obama will win this caucus… by double digits.

sbj1964

The Caucus system,or as the GOP likes to spell it Cock-us,is what they have been doing for some time.

ThundercatHo

I thought it was Koch-us?

http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

I thought it was Koch-Ass

slithytoves

I'll be watching The Biggest Loser tonight. Seriously.

Negropolis

Which one?

slithytoves

The one where your life gets better because of the losing. Does that help?

Guppy

Michele probably checked to make sure the Bible was KJV before signing it. Otherwise, she'd have burned it on the spot.

Now, imagine if she was handed a Book of Mormon to sign…

HedonismBot

Just for lulz, I'm gonna go ask her to sign a copy of Dawkins' "The God Delusion." Or maybe "The Communist Manifesto."

Geminisunmars

How about "Heather Has Two Mommies"? 10th Anniversary edition.

e_z

As Iowa goes, so goes the Iowa…hmmmmmmmmmmm, needs work.

Steverino247

Say "2016" and you lose a testicle…

DaRooster

… Michele.

http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

Mittens strapped TWO dogs to the roof of his campaign bus as a good luck charm.

WIDTAP

It ain't about who wins Iowa. It's about who loses Iowa, New Hampshire and the other early states, and who loses badly.

Campaign deathwatch for Michele Bachmann starts today. So Iowa can't be all that bad, can it?

Let the winnowing begin!

proudgrampa

Your point is well taken: let's accentuate the positive!

El Pinche

Good point. The Iowa caucus can serve as a hospice. Hopefully, they throw Bachmann on the gurney and send her back to her kid farm.

GOPCrusher

Don't see it happening. I predict that she will lose badly here in Iowa, then have a Howard Dean moment, go to New Hampshire and lose even worse. Then give it up.

ThundercatHo

I totally read that as "Nate Silver: the Rick James of American politics. SUPERFREAK, superfreak, he's super freaky, yeah.

BaldarTFlagass

Did Nate "do" Linda Blair too?

MrFizzy

The kind you don't take home to muh-thah

Terry

After midnight tonight, Iowa fades back into well deserved obscurity. In a month, the pundits realize…again…that the Iowa caucuses mean absolutely nothing with regard to the eventual selection of the candidate.

James Michael Curley

"After Midnight,
We gonna let it all flush down,
After Midnight, After Midnight

After all that cross talk an suspicion
We gonna start an inquisition
We gonna find out what its all about
After Midnight, After Midnight"

GOPCrusher

Wait a minute. What about the Iowa Straw Poll results?

prommie

I just can't believe that this field of candidates hasn't been revealed as a Colbert-esque piece of comedic theater, I still cannot believe that this lineup of clowns, cranks, and loons is it, that these are the best the GOP can do. This cannot be real.

freakishlywrong

And our alleged media is taking them deadly serious. Mark Halperin is regarded as a sage, constantly asking this hack his "thoughts". Pathetic.

prommie

Hacks gonna hack.

proudgrampa

I agree, prommie. It's downright surreal. It's almost like they are parodies of themselves.

Dudleydidwrong

With their only tactics being obstructionist, their only heavy thinkers in the mold (note word) of Karl Rove, their only beliefs based on biblical ideas of hatred–I can believe that these are the best that the GOP can field. The party of Lincoln has become a graveyard and we now deal with the walking dead.

prommie

The Southern Strategy has turned the GOP into the party of racist reaction. They got nothing else, every policy they espouse is either disguised racism, or creeping theocracy. Abortion, bibles, homophobia, creationism and prayer in schools, thats the theocratic agenda, and the anti-welfare, anti-"liberal judges," small government, thats all racism, they lurve states rights and hate big gubmint just because that Big Gubmint let the blacks into their schools. Throw in the Ayn Rand retarded cult of narcissim, and you have it all, thats all the GOP is about. Jeebus, guns, and don't give my money to shiftless blacks, as Santorum just said openly, it is all they have.

tessiee

*pipes up from balcony*
Don't forget the massive transfer of wealth and power to the 1%!

Drink for me Prommie, I no longer do, but I loved me a Noilly Pratt and Sapphire back in the day.

prommie

I will offer a toast to you, my love.

x111e7thst

Iowa will be the first ripple of a national tsunami of santorum.

OneDollarJuana

the Iowa state GOP tells Talking Points Memo that misspellings will be counted

So, when the vote reads "asshole", which candidate gets the vote?

BaldarTFlagass

Uh, all of them?

Oh, no, I didn't do that, did I?

Dudleydidwrong

That's the only possible answer.

prommie

Well, if they meant 'the substance in the asshole," its clearly Santorum, but the asshole itself? That could only be Newt. Strictly speaking, Newt is the asshole in the race, Bachman is the shrieking loon, Paul is the crank, and Romney is whore-bag.

Gotta give the congressman points for tenacity. He's like my ageing terrier when he spies a feline in the vicinity. He's gonna make the encounter happen just as R-Paul will make this victory a certainty — but neither of them would have a clue what the hell to do next, once the conquest has been secured between a befuddled brain and less-than-agile paws.

Come here a minute

"One man brought his Bible to be autographed. And Mrs. Bachmann said she was delighted to do it."

She signed it "With love from Jesus' little sister".

BigDumbRedDog

Tell me again why we care what this bunch a rednecks have to say? I might look to Iowa for advice on setting up a meth lab, or the best way to clean pig shit off my shoes, but that's about it.

SorosBot

Because they're first. Despite both being a tiny, mostly rural and all-white farm state and using the ridiculous anti-democratic caucus system, that makes them matter, at least according to our illustrious media – who have made up about half the crowds at most of the candidate's speeches they've covered.

Biff

So, to paraphrase Marshall McCluhan, the media is the message.
OMG, he was right!!1!

http://wonkette.com/ weejee

Iowa do not be fooled by the mendacity of mediocrity. Though the assembled Rethug candidates may be dwarfs, they are a collective carbuncle on the arse of the body politic. Lance this hideous boil and write in the only real Repug and true Kochsucker, Scott Walker.

Naked_Bunny

I'll be so glad when you people can go back to ignoring my state's Republican cocks.

GOPCrusher

And Ayatollah Vander Platts can go back to his Loess Hills cave and hide there for four more years.

VinnyThePooh

The nation’s “independent” voters wait in anticipation for Iowa to provide them guidance. *snicker*

KeepFnThatChicken

Was she channeling the LORD when she signed it? She better have been speaking in tongues.

Chichikovovich

"the Iowa state GOP tells Talking Points Memo that misspellings will be counted."

The National GOP and the big money behind them have instructed the Iowa GOP that if they ever want to see the ethanol subsidy again, all of the following:

"Michele Bachmann", "Rick Santorum", "Ron Paul", "Newtie-Pootie-Blowmyflutie Gingrich" (and variants), "Whatshisname that other Mormon guy, not Romney", "Can I vote for Herman Cain? If so, count this as a vote for him.", "Fire Kirk Ferentz", "Ronald Reagan", "The guy who's married to Katy Perry" and "Anybody but Romney. Really, anybody, even the crazy-eyed lady"

must be counted as misspellings of "Mitt Romney".

HedonismBot

I'd vote for Russell Brand for prez. Too bad he's British.

tessiee

"Newtie-Pootie-Blowmyflutie Gingrich"

I like this beyond all reason.

Chichikovovich

Hey, thanks. Glad you liked it. Though I regret that I didn't find a way to fit “french horn” in there.—

Naked_Bunny

One man brought his Bible to be autographed

Probably a Democrat checking to see if Bachmann could write or would burst into flames on contact.

prommie

My team of wisecrack researchers and pun-ologists are working on something that involves "felching" and Santorum, you guys are gonna love this one.

“One man brought his Bible to be autographed. And Mrs. Bachmann said she was delighted to do it.”

Um… just who in the FUCK do you think you are Bitch?!? Get a grip.

jus_wonderin

The FIT dude is back!!

user-of-owls

if you’ll let us put on our prognosticator’s cap for just a moment (it looks a lot like Princess Beatrice’s)

I most certainly will not! I will, however, let you put on Queen Beatrix' hat.

HedonismBot

Who needs the hat when you can just wear the box it came in!

user-of-owls

There really should be a constitutional amendment banning sweater vests.

SorosBot

He let himself down when he left the house wearing a sweater vest.

HedonismBot

As long as Mr. Rodgers is given retroactive immunity, I'll allow it.

Chichikovovich

Frankly, U-O-O, this would have been a more courageous position to have taken before Saint James Tressel was terminated with extreme prejudice (= 5 years "show-cause") as coach of Ohio State.

sbj1964

Motion approved!

Goonemeritus

Like many large state residences I have always resented the undo influence states like Iowa have in our political system. In this case however I am comforted by the fact that they really don’t pick the winner the merely winnow the field. Consider for a moment this crop of Republicans and ask your self can they really choose wrong when it comes to who goes away?

sbj1964

As long as Barry Obama wins who cares about this fields of losers?

BlueStateLibel

Wow, this is some exciting horserace! Here's hoping they all break their legs and have to be put out of their misery!

Fukui_SanYesOta

As they say at the Grand National – "The screens are up". Meaning some poor nag is getting the hot lead injection.

Would that it happened at the Iowa Caucus.

http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

Iowa great debt to the liberal punditry who will feed me what I need to know about Iowa.

Dudleydidwrong

I actually read the last part of your post as "to be greeted with a vibrator?" That makes more sense.

http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

Santorum thinks he's running for the Iowa Caucasians.

Radiotherapy

He even hates black coffee.

sbj1964

Santorum, s even more Mormon than Mitt.

rocktonsam

Chin up Iowa, only a few hours until the real Idiots Out Wandering Around will be gone.

sbj1964

The idiots in Iowa are native people.The Noble pink skins.

HedonismBot

"One man brought his Bible to be autographed. And Mrs. Bachmann said she was delighted to do it."
Deere wingnut, keep fukking that chicken.
Sincerely,
Missus Jeebus

sbj1964

Who would Jesus vote for?President Obama he was like that.

Schmegeg

Spelling doesn't count? I vote for Newton Leroy McPherson!

Dudleydidwrong

Assuming there will still be a PBS, in 50 years someone will be on an Antiques Roadshow:

"And this Bible is signed by a GOP presidential candidate!"

"Which candidate signed it, Ma'am, and when?"

"Michele Bachmann, in 2012, in Drapeballs, Iowa."

"Sorry, that isn't worth a fucking thing."

sbj1964

Hopefully the Bible will be on the show along with a copy of Harry Potter.

Gotta love Mittens' idea that only he can lead the country, when after 4 years of campaigning and throwing millions of dollars at it, he's actually less popular in Iowa now than he was 4 years ago–and against these bozos?

Sad.

Really.

sbj1964

In the GOP Mitt is less popular than Herpes.

El Pinche_v2

We know Rick Perry loves the cockus.

sbj1964

Rick has left the building!Let Texas deal with him.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

It must be ever so exciting to be a Iowanite today.

Geminisunmars

Today we are all Iowanites.

sbj1964

I would rather be french.Wait Iowanite?No french.Corn holers?

GOPCrusher

The highlight of the Democratic Caucus tonight will be a video conference with President Obama where we will be pumped up for the re-election campaign. Not near as impressive as meeting Mrs. Kuchinich in person.

sbj1964

Iowa ,and exciting are not two words that go together.

tessiee

Those cunts.

sbj1964

Those Cunts? What you know my ex-wives?

Jerri

Iowon't.

Bonghits4Jesus

Michele Bachmann autographed the Bible… She must be that author: that explains all those contradictions and fallacies.

sbj1964

Just the facts Mam! Joe Friday.

http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

Misspellings count! Sheila Draculacunt for the win!

C_R_Eature

This song's been running through my head, periodically during our journey in this vast cultural wasteland that is the Republican Presidential primary. It must mean something:

"He seems to have a special case of writer's Tourette's that prevents him from drawing rational conclusions from rationally stated information."

The inability to draw rational conclusions from rationally stated information is the central philosophical underpinning of the modern GOP. They reject all science and reason but desperately cling to Jeebus magic, shiny guns, racism and Faux News voodoo economics.