Monday, August 27, 2012

Ultra Bar Fight

After a few indepth and deeper posts, I thought it'd be nice to return to a funny topic. What ultrarunners would you want on your side during a bar fight? It's a completely random, and completely stupid topic, but that's why I chose it.

First off, here are some folks I wouldn't pick. Ultrarunning tends to lend itself to a more peaceful and thoughtful group of athletes, and thus many of the top runners would more than likely try to talk things out during a bar fight rather than actually throw punches. Also, long distance runners tend to be on the skinny, less muscular side, which also mitigates the intimidation factor.

I wouldn't want on my side:

Tony Krupicka- his rail thin 150 lb frame can fly up mountains, but I doubt they can throw down in a bar fight. Tony is also quite philisophical, and would reason out all the theories how man has evolved beyond the need for physical combat. Plus, he looks more like Tom Hanks from Castaway, than a fighter.

Scott Jurek- Scott might be 6'2" and 170 lbs, but he's just too peaceful and meditative to hurt a fly. That's what we love about him, but I don't think I'd want him backing me up in a dark alley.

Kilian Jornet- 5'7", 120lbs. Nuff said. He could outrun any bar thug on the planet, but a Vo2 max of 92 doesn't translate into punching power.

Hal Koerner- Hal has actually gotten fairly lean and ripped the last couple of years. He's also bigger than you'd think at 6'0" 170 lbs. Though he's packed on some muscle, he's still far too laid back and nice to want to get involved in something as silly as a fight. He'd rather sip a beer and watch.

Matt Carpenter- The king of high altitude can outrun anyone in the world to the top of Pike's Peak, but if Pike's Peak had a bar, his 120 lb frame wouldn't stand a chance. Too bad you can't punch with your lungs, or else Matt would be a beast.

I could probably list hundreds of other runners who I wouldn't want on my side in a bar fight, but then again they are runners. When will they ever need to fight? Again, most ultrarunners would rather enjoy the pristine outdoors, than go to a bar and brawl it out.

That brings me to who I'd want ON my side in a bar fight. Note, being on this list does not mean I think these runners are violent, or enjoy fighting. They are merely folks I think could throw down if they had to. I'm pretty sure most are just liked the runners described above and are quite happy with never having to fight. Ever.

David Goggins- No doubt that this Navy Seal is as badass as they get. The former powerlifter is now a chiseled 6'1" 195lbs. I would not want to mess with this man among men. Hammer of Thor, behold Mr. Goggins.

Mike Morton- Don't let his small 5'4" frame fool you. Army Master Sergeant Morton is a Green Beret and former Navy diver. Pain is his pleasure, and his long military tenure puts him up with Goggins as possibly the toughest humans in ultrarunning, and on earth.

Alex Barth- An east coast speedster, this guy looks like he could rip the doors off a tank. He's also a skilled Tae Kwon Do black belt.

Doug Berlin- Known mostly to DC area runners, this 6'6" 230 bohemoth is the owner of three Gold's Gym franchises. From the looks of it, he works out at all three.

Aron Ralston- few people know that Aron is an ultramarathoner, and has completed the Leadville 100. Aside from that, anyone who can survive 127 hours in Blue John Canyon, break their arm, then proceed to cut it off, is a tough S.O.B. in any book.

Jenn Shelton- She may be tiny, but this wild child would do some damage. She's never turned down a challenge, and she's got the spunky personality to boot. Jenn's holding it down for the ladies.

(Credit:Luis Escobar)

Michael Dunlop: Known better in the Lynchburg area. Mike won the Mountain Masochist bench press contest with 39 reps of 135 lbs AFTER running 54 miles. At 6'8" 250 lbs, Dunlop is hard to miss.

2 comments:

This is an awesome post. haha Something I have never thought about, but I agree with your bar fight team. I watched David Goggins run 204 mi. in 48 hours and he still looked fresh enough to stomp a mud hole in someone and stomp it dry... twice. haha. He is an animal.

This is an awesome post. haha Something I have never thought about, but I agree with your bar fight team. I watched David Goggins run 204 mi. in 48 hours and he still looked fresh enough to stomp a mud hole in someone and stomp it dry... twice. haha. He is an animal.