Kleptomaniacs

Redshift

There goes your boat

A team of explorers is captured by a cannibal tribe and brought before the chief. The chief tells them that they will be killed and eaten, and their skins will be made into boats, but because they had fought so bravely each man could kill himself by a method of his own choosing.

The first explorer, an Englishman, says “I choose a pistol.” He is given a gun, puts it to his head, says “God save the Queen!” and shoots himself.

The second explorer, a Frenchman, says “I choose a sword.” One is provided, he shouts “Vive la France!” and runs himself through.

The last explorer, a New Yorker, says “Gimme a fork!” The chief is surprised, but provides him with one. The New Yorker grabs the fork and furiously stabs himself all over, until blood is pouring from every square inch of his body.