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“How would you describe your pain on a scale from 0 to 10, 0 meaning ‘none at all’ and 10 meaning ‘the most imaginable?'”

If you’ve ever gone to the hospital for anything other than a check-up or to laugh at sick people, then you’ve been asked this question. And after years of asking patients for their completely subjective interpretation of a pain scale ranging from none to Michael Bay, medical professionals have finally learned something: men are more imaginative than women.

Comparing the results of men’s responses to women’s yielded a full point difference on average, with women more likely to rate their pain higher towards “the most imaginable.” Men, meanwhile — conditioned on Predator movies and The Three Stooges — are more likely to believe that a new, higher level of pain almost always exists above where they are. We’re pretty sure it involves testicles and a juicer.

And when I think of St. Patrick’s, I think of not pulling out during my annual night of leprechaun-themed sex. (There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for love, unlike certain Meat Loafs.)

Based on your letters, though, most of you think about drinking. Is St. Patrick’s a drinking holiday? I’ve been known tip a keg back for Bastille Day, but imbibing alcohol on a religious day? You people are weird.

Oh, Internet. How we love thee. We give you our slack-jawed attention and you use give us the warm and radioactive heat that we so desperately crave. So, what have you given us other than that today? What’s that? Another sex scandal? Why it wouldn’t be a day at SeriouslyGuys withoutasexscandal, after all!

So, the four of us at SG went to college together, and while our school did not have a medical school (heck, I’ve got family members that nearly blew up the science building), we thought they would have taught this in medical school, but I suppose bears repeating nonetheless—just because a patient gets a ha thoroughly enjoys someone during an examination, that doesn’t mean the doctor is allowed to give him a bsettle the matter personally. Even in Sweden. Heck, you probably shouldn’t even be giving prostate exams until at least the third date! I mean, do you want the AMA to be spreading rumors about you?