On this week’s episode, we discuss how important perspective is to live a positive life. Doug has been realizing how the little positive things in life make a big difference if you stop to appreciate them. Focusing on the positives, no matter how small, helps push out the negatives.

Doug also brings up whether he should ask his brother and sister why they did not visit him during his brain surgery in 2012. During that time, he was estranged from his family, partially due to a lack of understanding on their part about the disease, and partially because of how deep a depression he was going through then. With Doug’s newly found positive perspective, and his family coming around to what mental illness is all about, he feels it might be the right time to find out what was going through their minds during that time, with no judgment on his part. They are different people now who are part of Doug’s support system, and the past is “water under the bridge”. He plans to talk about it with them soon.

Quick note: This episode opens with a short guitar jam that Doug put together with his new Fender rig. It’s simply Doug letting loose and experimenting, which shows how far he’s come lately. Here’s to hope in 2018!

In our first episode of 2018, we start with a short and fun guitar jam, which highlights the mood for the new year. Doug is feeling much better, and after receiving the love and generosity from some of our friends and listeners, he’s entering the new year on a wave of positivity.

The bulk of this episode was recorded on January 2nd, which happened to be my birthday. Doug contacted me and said he had some things to say that should be recorded for the show, so I went ahead and recorded our conversation. For Christmas, I got Doug a Fender Squier guitar and a Fender amp. His acoustic guitar, though a beautiful instrument, was not totally filling his void for musical expression, and his last electric guitar had to be sold last year for financial reasons (plus it ended up not being the guitar he thought it would be anyway). In any case, getting a Fender back in his hands was enough to trigger a positive psychological change.

We mostly talk about music and guitars in this episode, but the underlying tone is one of hope. Doug talks about self-care and how to try to stay positive by surrounding yourself with a strong support system.

We’re back for our final show of 2017 (we’ll be back in January). This episode is a little bit different since the bulk of it is an actual recording of our typical pre-show planning discussion. Doug had mentioned in the past that we should probably start recording these talks, and this week that’s just what I did. Since that conversation got pretty personal and fairly deep, we decided to just play it as the main topic of this week’s show.

What follows below is a timeline of how the episode is structured. We start with a song clip and a discussion of the past two weeks. The full pre-show discussion starts nearly 19 minutes in.

0:00 – 00:57
Clip of original song “Hey Brother”

00:58 – 01:20
Unhinged Intro

01:21 – 18:55
We explain a bit about why we were absent for the last two weeks. Doug talks a bit about his struggles this holiday season so far, and we briefly chat about traumatic brain injuries in sports and the death of a UFC fighter.

18:56 – 01:07:02Recording of pre-show discussion. This is the meat of this episode where Doug and I talk freely, usually to prepare the show for the day, but this time we discussed Doug’s slight downturn in mood in the last two weeks. He starts the conversation in a pretty low state, upset about his lot in life and feeling insecure about his future. We go back and forth for a while on feelings, distortion, and socialization. The conversation gets interrupted by a call from Doug’s sister. We ended our pre-show discussion after Doug talked to Laurie, and at that point recorded the opening to the this show.

01:07:03 – 01:08:25
I explain how Doug’s mood had shifted noticeably after our discussion and his interaction with his sister. The social interaction had improved his general state greatly. This is good data.

The next day (Monday), Doug and I talked again and his turnaround was even more pronounced. He even admitted how he felt better after hearing his sister’s voice the day before.

This week we discuss Doug’s recent one-word Facebook post, “Goodbye”, and how that cry for help showed him just how much support he really has. The struggle for mental health is best fought with loved ones who can support the sufferer when they need it most. A single word to show that no one is alone in this struggle can save a life. Thank you to our listeners and our friends on Facebook for all the love, encouragement, and concern. It means everything.

Some outside factors came together all at once to form a nearly perfect storm of bad news that helped spiral Doug down the staircase to severe depression. Starting at 3 minutes and 24 seconds into the show, Doug gives some details about how close he really came to ending it all.

WARNING: Possible Trigger Alert! If anyone listening is particularly sensitive right now, please know that this discussion might contain possible triggers, so please be cautious and either save this episode for another time, or skip the section between 3:24 to about 7:30.

The good news is that Doug is currently feeling much better, partially due to the outpouring of support, which included the donation of a used acoustic guitar. This will help bring music back into his life, which is some of the best therapy a suffering musician can get.

This week we take a break from the heavy and serious topics and just have a lighthearted conversation. We recorded this podcast while connected to each other through video conferencing, so to us it felt more like we were both in one room just chatting. I think this made this show feel more conversational. Maybe in the future we’ll be able to record our videos as well and have a visual version of the show 🙂

We do discuss Doug’s DBS check up and how he’s feeling generally. He’s been up and down currently, so it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster for him. He was up during this show. We continue discussing the possibility of Doug doing voice acting work just to try to make ends meet. He has recorded his first sample for a demo reel we’re putting together, and we play it on the show. It’s a start!

After nearly 5 months, Unhinged is back! We took an extended hiatus due to various reasons, the most important being Doug’s terrible relapse. Over these past few months, Doug has been suffering greatly, but now there seems to be a spark of relief as his DBS starts working again. This all started after his surgery to replace the batteries in his DBS unit, which is apparently very sensitive. The surgery requires the device to be switched off, and when it came back on, it was no longer working the same way it was before. It took several months and lots of trial and error to get it to come back to life, but now there seems to be some hope.

During this time, Ed has also had a major life change by moving from California, where he’s been for the last 21 years, to Colorado, where a new adventure begins. The contrast between his positive life change and Doug’s hellish suffering is stark, but the friendship remains strong.

In this episode, we discuss all these changes and how Doug is coping now. It’s our “welcome back” show, so we’re still ironing out some technical issues, but we’re glad to be back!

Deep brain stimulation (DBS) is currently the most powerful known treatment for major depression. The technique itself was developed at the Toronto Western Hospital nearly 10 years ago. It was based on research findings by neurologist Dr. Helen Mayberg, working with a multi-disciplinary team that included world-renowned neurosurgeon Dr. Andres Lozano, our own Clinic’s Co-Director, Dr. Peter Giacobbe, as well as UHN’s Psychiatrist-in-Chief, Dr. Sidney Kennedy. Because DBS can often achieve remission where all other measures fail, the tecnhique is now being used to treat severe depression in advanced medical centres across Canada and around the world.

With DBS, a neurosurgeon implants a pair of electrodes into a small brain structure that is overactive in depression, called Area 25, or the subgenual cingulate. The electrodes stimulate at a high frequency that effectively jams the signals passing through the neural connections in the region. Once the electrodes are activated, many patients experience a rapid and dramatic improvement in symptoms — even patients who have not responded to any other treatment, including ECT. However, DBS remains an experimental technique, available only to small numbers of patients, in medical centres with expert teams of neurosurgeons. It also requires the electrodes to be permanently implanted in the brain and connected to a battery implanted under the collarbone — quite an invasive procedure compared to other treatments for depression. For these reasons, DBS is usually reserved for cases where all other options have failed.

Hello, Unhinged listeners. I know it’s been awhile since we’ve communicated, and even longer since we’ve put out a show. Lots of things have been keeping us from being able to get back into the swing of things.

First and foremost, Doug is still suffering from severe depression and anxiety ever since his DBS battery started dying and needed to be changed. Unfortunately, even after the battery was replaced, his remission has not kicked back in. His doctors are experimenting with different settings and intensities to see if it starts working again. In the meantime, I can only offer words of hope and encouragement to Doug as he struggles to regain a sense of normalcy.

Secondly, all this has been happening during my move out of the San Francisco Bay Area. After 21 years of living in California’s Silicon Valley, my wife and I have decided to move to Loveland, Colorado. Though I still love everything that Silicon Valley stands for, and have many friends there, we felt that it was the right time to leave. The Bay Area has been getting steadily more congested as more people move there, and continues to get more expensive. The time was right to sell our house and move somewhere that has more seasons, less traffic, and is more affordable. It also happens to be much closer to my employer in Golden, Colorado, which is another positive.

The move is complete but we’re still living out of boxes. I’m also waiting for a new desk to be delivered so I can set up my recording studio in preparation for our next show.

Thank you all for being so patient with us as Doug recovers and we get things back in order. We will be back as soon as we can. It’s just taking us a bit longer than expected. Thanks for understanding!

Hey there, Unhinged listeners and followers. I know it’s been a while since we’ve put out a show. We went on hiatus at the end of March when Doug’s DBS battery needed replacing. His mood dropped as the battery was dying, and unfortunately, it has not yet returned to comfortable levels after the surgery. Doug is still struggling for relief, and recently had the intensity of his DBS increased slightly in hopes of helping it kick in again.

We’re still waiting for his mood to increase. I have high hopes that it will improve in the coming weeks. Until then, we won’t be recording any shows to give Doug time to relax and heal. Any words of encouragement and hope are very much appreciated.

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Unhinged: Talking Mental

We will attempt to publish one audio podcast episode per week. Each episode is roughly around 30-40 minutes in length and published as an mp3 file on this site and on other podcast sources (iTunes, Google Play, etc.)