Jun 10, 2012

QUERY- ANOMALY

Dear Agent,

I hope you will consider my young adult fantasy novel, Anomaly.

16-year-old
Maya is an Anomaly—superhuman. Her ability to teleport, called
“shifting,” is a rare and extraordinary one. While adjusting to her new
home in London and learning how to control her ability, Maya has to
juggle two Anomaly boys: a hunky albeit nerdy Italian who can become
transparent, and a sexy British rocker who can nullify electricity but
always seems to have a motive other than love. Maya is also targeted by
Aristar Industries, a corporation of Anomalies hell-bent on stealing
DNA, cloning abilities, and storming the British government. Aristar
wants shifters in their ranks—which means they want Maya… or rather, her
DNA. A cat-and-mouse chase for her genetic material thrusts Maya into a
world of deception, kidnapping, murder, and world domination, where the
stakes are high and the consequences of failure deadly.

Being an
optometrist and a former National Science Foundation Fellow have
groomed my brain for the scientific ins and outs of this novel. I’m a
member of SCBWI and when I'm not writing, I'm figure skating or blogging
at www.anitasaxena.com. I hope the sample pages will interest you in
the full 80,000-word manuscript, which I believe has series potential.
It is a simultaneous submission. Thank you for your time.

This has a good word count overall, but I agree with Anon that you should cut / trim the bio. Some of the info is unnecessary, and it will free up room for more story description. Scientific detail is secondary to compelling characters and a great story.

Split the story description into two paragraphs. In this version, I think the split should come after "motive other than love." It gives the second paragraph the stage to reveal the antagonist and the main struggle.

I also would not say anything about simultaneous submissions. Most agents know unsolicited queries are not exclusive, as they well should be. I would caution you against exclusive queries. A MS request is a different situation, though.