Mar 1, 2011

I felt very sick watching and listening to John Galliano today as a newly revealed video/audio tape played and featured him uttering vile things to other human beings at a bar in Paris a couple of weeks ago. I shuddered as he mumbled those hateful things and as he slurred then regurgitated out-of-his-mind filth words--nearly full blown insanity words delivered by the active alcoholism that was obviously damaging and driving him. The booze was tearing him into pieces, demoralizing him as no one else could have and it did it far better and far more destructively than the ¨insults¨ he blubbered...he was trapped, body and soul, John Gallianos bitterly, stridently, howled as he clung to reality, gasped a few final evil words as he lunged all the way down, down, down into the lost-world of incomprehensible demoralization...a place where he, no doubt, has visited before.

John Galliano said the kind of vile things that had a certain ¨ring¨ to me--they held a familiar haunting and shudder-causing ¨feeling¨ in me even though the worst of those ¨utterances¨ stopped spilling out of my own mouth over three decades ago.

I knew hateful words. Words that often poured out of the mouths of people like him and me.

This time it is John Galliano who is ¨actively¨ ill.

I think the out-of-control and unstoppable spewing of hate comes from the down under-everything-else place. A inside place that is far deeper than any shred of ¨pretend¨ or artificial ¨dignity¨ on the surface that may be seen/heard attempting to hide the most fearfilled ¨falling off place.¨ ﻿ The out of control place, the one way trip down to the deepest darkest self-loathing level of personal horror where/when one realizes they can not keep trying to pretend ¨things¨ are different than they really are...a dreaded glimpse of personal reality/loathing and profound pain, the place where one must face/accept the ¨things¨ they can not change and change the things they can change...they can change if he and me are both capable of being honest with ourselves...one day at a time, individually yet together in spirit.

Pray for the addicted, the abusers and for those who are victims of abuse.

3 comments:

Hello Len my friend! It is difficult to understand where "we" go during that time of intense intoxication with the drug alcohol. It's not a happy or a pretty place as you so well described re: John Galliano. My brother-in-law was found dead in his apartment yesterday afternoon. He long lived with active alcoholism and more recently with dementia. His wife, my sister, is in a nursing home with Parkinson's Disease. Both of them are just in their 60's. Please pray for Ed, Marjorie and their 3 adult children. Much love and peace, Richard (Ricardo of the North).

Prayers ascending for your brother in law, your sister, their children and all of your family.

Peace be with all of you,

Len

P.S. Still shuddering from John Galliano´s not-so-lifelike performance but I understand he´s in detox/rehab now--as a close Jewish heterosexual friend said to me yesterday ¨I hate that guy¨-- I told him I thought it was the self-loathing, the angry defensiveness, the insanity that was spewing forth and probably could have been unloaded on any people, topic, race, including ¨gays¨ like him/us--I know I´m loaded with ill-feeling against white greedsters and bigots these days--and I´m as white as the driven snow--albeit sober and attempting now and then to show ¨restraint of tongue and pen¨...quite often not so successfully as I have just written a few choice/nasty words above).

Dear Anonymous Coward, Bigmouth, Know-nothing! It is you that is most likely irresponsible and clearly hateful, insensitive and wouldn´t know terminal Cancer from physically healthy yet mentally ill human beings who you no doubt would prefer labotimizing! What other crap do you try and convince yourself of so you can look the other way? Irresponsible prick, don´t come back here pretending you´ve got a clear view of what is emotionally/spiritually and physically healthy--you´re a mess! Gallianos many be out of control, filled with self-loathing and loathing of others but you, are simply a pompus and silly ass.

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