How To: Sober Up

4- Rehydrate

One of the great ironies about drinking is that the more shots of Jagermeister you consume, the more likely you are to become severely dehydrated. Luckily, you can replenish your body’s lost fluids with water, fruit juices and sports drinks like Gatorade and Powerade. You may also want to consider gulping down some broth made from bouillon cubes since it will help replace the salt and potassium lost on your latest night on the town.

If you’re feeling more adventurous, you may want to indulge in a hearty cup of Liver Detox Tea as well. Available in most health stores, this strong root-flavored tea flushes out your system as it cleanses your blood, improves your bile flow and increases your urine. It may not be very tasty, but if you ate a tequila-soaked worm you can definitely stomach this.

5- Sleep on it

The best cure for drunkenness is still time itself, so if you have an hour to spare, lay down and take a nap to give your body time to detoxify.

6- Mask your foul breath

Appearing sober is one thing, but it’s also important to make sure that you don’t smell like Ted Kennedy after… well, after anything, really. One popular way of trying to mask your breath is to ingest two spoonfuls of regular mustard. Granted, the taste is far from appetizing, but it’s far better to smell like a giant hot dog than seven bottles of Jack Daniels.

7- Get a blood transfusion

If you have the time — and unlimited resources — you may want to take a page out of Keith Richard’s personal book of home remedies and go in for a blood transfusion. The aging rocker first underwent the procedure on September 23, 1973, prior to an important European tour, and he returned feeling extremely rejuvenated. Just beware that a unit (up to 500 ml) of blood takes about four hours to administer and the procedure is not recommended for patients with a history of congestive heart failure. Oddly enough, the procedure seems to be OK for people who have ingested twice their weight in heroin — go figure.

sober second thoughts

It has been claimed that alcohol use costs American businesses $148 billion a year in employee absences, on-site accidents, and poor job performance. Fortunately, you don’t have to become a statistic if you approach drinking wisely. The next time you go out, make sure to eat before you drink, alternate glasses of alcohol with glasses of water, and, most importantly, know your limits. After all, there’s nothing worse than going home at 2 with a 10 and waking up at 10 with a 2.