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‘Pretty Little Liars’ Recap: “Crash and Burn, Girl!”

Photo Credit: Teen.com

Yes, yes, I know. I’m nearly a week late on this recap. But in my defense, I waited two days to see it with my best friend and then spent the weekend exploring Manhattan with her. But don’t worry because I watched it a second time around and jotted my brutally honest and sassy reflections. So here they are.

Disclaimer: There are spoilers galore. If you have not seen this episode yet read this blog post, you are ruining it for yourself. Watch the episode listed above and then revel in my witty remarks (or lack thereof).

Aria’s ‘As If’ Sweater: Props to the stylist for this one. Sass and style- what more could you want? Also, does Aria ever do any wrong, especially with fashion?

Spencer Sending the Girls Home: “It’s getting late. Maybe you two should head home and I’ll make sure Hanna gets something to eat before her dad gets back.”- Spencer. Okay Spencer, who got locked up and made you the mom? Oh, wait… P.S. Of course Aria and Emily are “good to stay.” It’s not like it’s their senior year and they’re in the midst of college applications and extracurriculars or anything.

Hanna’s Conversation with Caleb: Seriously, Hanna? You’re gonna whip out the “you let me in your life” answer when Caleb says he wouldn’t do something stupid? Of course he’s going to perpetuate the cheesefest with “that’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done.” I probably vommed a little bit with that badinage.

Toleb’s Master Plan: I’m not going to lie, I was pretty impressed with their plan to take down A and unveil Wilden’s killer. It was also really endearing to see them care for their girlfriends that much to risk it all (albeit they previously betrayed said lovers). I could have done without the rock music in the background.

Em’s Physical Therapy: Nice try, Momma Fields but your mini-me is going to need much more than physical therapy. Might I suggest emotional therapy with a non-sketchy therapist who isn’t inextricably intertwined with A?

Connor’s Car: Sweetheart, if your dilapidated, busted up dinosaur of a car looks like that, you probably shouldn’t put it on display in front of your school.

Hanna and Ashley at Prison: Hmmm, hasn’t another Marin previously donned that orange jumpsuit? In all seriousness, this was an incredibly difficult scene to watch. It broke my heart to see Ashley cry and tell Hanna that she couldn’t promise to be her date at the silent auction. Here’s the hoping Momma Marin breaks out from behind bars soon.

Ezra and Hanna: One more reason why Ezra is perfect: he checks in on Hanna and gives her an extension. Also, his outfit. I can tell he’s definitely dad material, after my glimpse into his empathy and tenderness.

Principal Hackett’s Staircase Convo: Did this principal’s decorum evaporate since his last disciplinary encounter with Aria? Last time I checked, he has an office. An office for talking. And stairs are for walking.

Hanna Forging Checks: “I just don’t want my mom to come home to no lights, no hot water and a weedy lawn.”- Hanna. Once again, endearing and heartbreaking. I felt so bad for Hanna, especially when she let it all out and sobbed onto Spencer’s shoulders.

Nigel Wright: So many reflections. First of all, you missed casting for a Bravo real estate/city dating saga. Second of all, knock off that trite smolder and comb your hair. You’re also not a character on Leave it to Beaver. Lastly, his fight scene/admissions to Toleb were hilarious. He’s obviously Cece’s lover. Yuck.

Wilden’s Apartment Raid: Loving those fabulous gloves, Aria. Also, I’m really proud of the girls for finally learning that they can’t leave their grubby fingerprints everywhere. Here’s my conspiracy theory: the view of someone spying on the girls was from that curly-haired cop, not A. Highlight of the episode: Aria’s insight into Wilden’s “recreational activities.” Where to start? “Lord of the G-strings?” or “What do I want to watch tonight? Jimmy Kimmel or Boobs?” P.S. ladies, you probably shouldn’t have rummaged through unopened packages.

Ezra Defending Mike: I love him. I just do. He defended Mike even though he’s not dating Aria, knowing that he was confronting his superior. Hearing Ezra confess his unwavering love and compassion for Aria made me want to jump into the screen and squish them together. “You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, right?” Also, seeing her at his apartment brought me back to their old times. I hope they get back together soon because my anxiety can’t take their little separation anymore.

Car Crash Into Em’s House: Holy cow! I knew I heard some eerie background noise pre-crash, but I did not vaticinate a car crashing into the front of her house! Thank goodness that Momma Fields made it out alive. My question is: Why the car crash? I can think of far better and more efficient scare tactics for A. My follow-up question: Who was driving? I guess we’ll have to stay tuned.