Do you dread making small talk at business luncheons? Do you find yourself stuck in awkward silences with family members? Whether you want to improve your social skills in your business or personal life, Susan RoAne, best-selling author of How to Work a Room (Collins, 2007), can help. In this LifeScript exclusive, RoAne gives the lowdown on how to feel at ease, meet new people and form new relationships – no matter the situation…

Savvy social skills are essential for almost everyone. Business executives need them to schmooze potential clients, singles use them to charm potential love interests, and party guests rely on them to make it through the evening.

Whether you’re at a wedding, holiday party or casual barbeque, working a room with pizzazz will ensure that everyone remembers you. Not only will you enjoy the event more, but you’ll make new friends and contacts along the way.

Prepare

Think of your pre-event prep as if you’re studying for a test: Your work begins before class. You’ll ace the next event with this study guide:

Keep the introduction around 7-9 seconds and tailor it to the event. For example, if you’re taking a Spanish class, mention why you’re interested in the language: “Hi, I’m Vanessa. I’m visiting Mexico in six months, and I want to make sure I’m prepared.” At a social party, start with something funny, like this suggestion from RoAne’s book: “Don’t these desserts look decadent? Hi, I’m George, chocoholic.” (See related article: 4 Steps to Instant Confidence)

3. Remember that you, too, have something to offer.

This is always true, no matter the credentials or accomplishments of those in the room. To boost your confidence, brainstorm your inner assets pre-party. What are you interested in? What are your skills? Being reminded of your good points will make you feel more at ease, even when you’re introduced to big shots and CEOs.

4. Research online.

If you’re going to a trade show or conference, look for relevant facts about the organization. If the event is social, look for interesting trivia about the gathering place.

5. Dress creatively.

Creative doesn’t mean weird. Leave the jodhpurs and caftan at home. Stick with the dress code, but within those guidelines create a look that lets people know how interesting you are. “Help people talk to you,” RoAne suggests. A stylish hat, a colorful blouse or an exotic necklace are all great conversation starters.

6. Just say yes.

If your friends invite you to a concert but you’ve never heard of the band, go with them anyway. New experiences make you a more interesting person, plus you will add a new anecdote to your conversation repertoire.

7. Build a bank of conversation starters.

Begin by reading the newspaper every day. “A good conversationalist is well-read, well-versed and well-rounded,” RoAne explains in How to Work a Room. “He or she knows what is going on in the world and can talk about it.” Catching up on current events and being knowledgeable about a variety of topics will help you make meaningful contributions to conversations. (See related article: 3 Ways to Be the Life of the Party)

At the Event

1. Don’t arrive more than 15 minutes late.

If you get there early, the room will walk to you. If you come late, people will already be mid-conversation when you arrive.

2. Be available.

What happens if everyone is already in groups when you get there? Sometimes the event’s host will introduce you to others – but don’t rely on this. Find a group of at least three people who are talking animatedly and having fun, and stand close by. When the opportunity arises, nod and make a pleasantry.

Another tip: Be honest and unafraid to admit that you don’t know anyone there. RoAne remembers a friend who approached groups with a big smile on her face and simply asked “May I join you?” No one ever replied, “No, we don’t want you.”

3. Search for mutual territory.

Have no idea how to start a conversation? If you and others are in the same room, you already have something in common. Ask how they know the host, comment on the food, or find out if they traveled far to get there. Identify some common ground: Maybe you both like to swim or have just seen the same movie.

4. Talk to strangers.

Yes, you’re putting your ego on the line every time you approach someone new, but this is the best way to create social and business opportunities. “The rewards in life go to the risk-takers,” RoAne says. If your prospect doesn’t seem interested in conversation, politely excuse yourself and move on. The person you think is “rejecting” you may just be preoccupied with business or personal worries.

5. Listen.

Make an effort to remember a person’s name, as well as what you discuss. “The [key] to remembering isn’t having a great memory,” RoAne says. “It’s about listening when people speak.” And don’t forget the other basics, like eye contact and receptive body language (leaning forward, nodding as someone speaks).

6. Be sincere.

Working a room can yield tremendous personal and professional gains. But whatever your goals are, keep this advice from RoAne in mind: “The people who are ultimately the most successful at working a room are those who genuinely like, respect and trust other people.”

Work the World

Even if you don’t have a social or business event coming up, plenty of potential friends and business contacts are within reach. You were born into a network; just look around. You have neighbors, family, friends, classmates, and co-workers. Even familiar faces at the gym and supermarket count as your network.

Your social skills will help wherever you are, even if you’re not working a room. Use them to make new friends at a park, bank, baseball game, bookstore, or on a plane. Everything – even running to the dry cleaners – is an opportunity to meet someone new. If you have to go somewhere anyway, you might as well go with the intention of having a good time.

“Woody Allen said that 80 percent of success is showing up, but showing up is not enough,” RoAne says. “You have to participate.”

Want to learn more? Get your own copy of How to Work a Room, and visit SusanRoAne.com for more tips.

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