Kelly: Hello GabeGabe: KellyKelly: WhatGabe: No, just like, formal. “Kelly.”Kelly: Ohhh you didn’t use any punctuation so I had no idea’Gabe: Kelly.Kelly: Gabriel.Kelly: How are you today what’s upGabe: not bad and nothing!Gabe: how about you?Kelly: I’m fine, I just heard some pretty good news, you wanna hear it?Gabe: alwaysGabe: i love pretty good newsKelly: Great! Courtney Love has announced, in an interview with Details magazine, that she is going to be Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety sponsor.Gabe: oh thank God

Gabe: good work everyoneGabe: goodnightGabe: reset the work place accidents sign to zeroGabe: and let’s go homeKelly: All of what you’re saying is exactly rightKelly: Courtney Love explains that she has gone through the same thingKelly: And that is why she will be/is a good coach.Gabe: it’s weird that she even bothers explaining itGabe: i feel like you just hearGabe: “Courtney Love, sobriety coach”Gabe: and you’re like, got it! stop talking!Gabe: don’t wast my time with a bunch of stuff i already knowKelly: Yeah well I think it’s like they had a full article to fill up with unnecessary explanationsKelly: “Courtney Love, murderer of Kurt Cobain, is going to be the sobriety coach, coach of sobriety, to Lindsay Lohan, woman of interest, because she has been there in her life and that’s why she’ll be good at it.”Kelly: Save and PrintGabe: what is courtney love’s story about watching someone’s boobs on TV and that’s how she proved to Lindsay Lohan that drugs were bad?Gabe: you’re a woman, can you explain that story to me?Kelly: Well that seems kind of like a private thing and I can’t believe you would ask me on national internetKelly: But I think it was they were watching like the top 40 dumbest moments and half of them were courtney love showing her boobs and falling off of chairs

Kelly: And she said to Lindsay Lohan, as I remember itKelly: “Don’t do drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”Gabe: oh okKelly: And that’s what finally made Lindsay Lohan stop doing drugsGabe: i’ve heard she’s super against drugs nowKelly: Oh yeahGabe: because of the countdownGabe: you would think that a hollywood celebrityGabe: caught up in the inner circleGabe: of hollywood celebrities who do drugsGabe: would have probably seen some kind of intense thingsKelly: You would think.Gabe: but apparently a VH1 countdown of drunken fall downsGabe: is all the proof lindsay neededKelly: You would think that since she’s even already lived through some intense things herselfKelly: That courtney love accidentally showing all the bruises on her legs wouldn’t have done itKelly: but that’s why you’re NOT a sobriety coachGabe: why does courtney STILL have bruises on her legs?Gabe: from being TOO sober?Kelly: Maybe that’s just what sobriety does to you? Once you’ve been sober for a long time you get your old bruises back?Kelly: I’m not a doctor.

Gabe: wait, if we can go back to the tv storyGabe: when courtney love says that she ‘went up to lindsay’s room’?Kelly: hahahaGabe: what is THAT about?Gabe: her room WHERE?Kelly: UP.Gabe: they live together?!Kelly: Maybe Courtney Love moved into her home as part of the sobriety sponsorshipKelly: the downstairs partKelly: Or maybeKelly: Courtney Love just has a room for Lindsay Lohan in her own houseKelly: Just in case she ever needs to move inKelly: Clearly there is a lot more to this storyGabe: courtney love probably just couch surfsGabe: because she’s a piece of shitGabe: hahahaahahahGabe: COURTNEY LOVE BURNS 2011Kelly: GOTCHA COURTNEY. You thought you were safe but he’s gotcha.Gabe: this is one of those storiesGabe: like most storiesGabe: that raises so many more questions than it answersKelly: You’re exactly rightKelly: I can’t even imagine how Courtney Love knows Lindsay Lohan unless it’s because they do drugs togetherKelly: In which case this is the perfect cover

Gabe: oh, i don’t have a problem with that partGabe: i feel like the first day you are famousGabe: you just go down a welcoming lineGabe: shaking hands with courtney love and mobyGabe: or whateverKelly: Yeah I guess you’re rightGabe: i do feel likeGabe: most stories involving courtney loveGabe: are reported by courtney loveGabe: with courtney love doing the fact-checkingKelly: YesKelly: This story does only state that Courtney Love claims to be Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety sponsorGabe: yesKelly: We don’t know for sure how the newly sober Lindsay Lohan has managed to get her life back on trackKelly: Whether it be with the help of Courtney Love or notKelly: ButKelly: I don’t know about youKelly: But the world where Courtney Love is Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety sponsor is the exact world that I want to live inGabe: good newsGabe: YOU DOKelly: hahahGabe: i think the important thing to take away from all of thisGabe: is just to say that we all genuinely hopeGabe: that one dayGabe: lindsay lohan can be more like courtney love?Kelly: Yes. I do think we give Lindsay Lohan a pretty hard timeKelly: But if anyone can follow Courtney Love’s path it is certainly her.Gabe: it’s not going to be easyGabe: but i also have a feeling it wouldn’t be that hard

I was looking for the most recent version of this (as I remember her granting people power of attorney over her many, many times) and came across this treasure trove of insane Courtney Love stories just from the past year.

Note: may not be safe for work as the woman is insane and filthy and may be naked after the landing page… I did not look for myself.

As a recovering booze hound and drug addict (6 years clean and sober in a few weeks!), I can possibly see how being on a fucking VH1 countdown show would be a motivating factor to get sober.

Extreme self-centeredness is one of the defining characteristics of all addicts. All of the collateral damage of destroyed careers, relationships, lost money, etc. isn’t enough to get people clean and sober.

But do I believe that Courtney and Lindsay are clean and sober? Fuck no.

Courtney: So do you want to do drugs now?
Lindsay: Sorta. Yeah.
Courtney: Ok, well then here’s another story about how Dave Grohl’s an asshole.
Lindsay: I meant no! No, I don’t want to do drugs anymore.

I don’t mean to be rude. Serious question here, I mean it is really serious, life or death situation like…not really but still Who uses AIM any more? is it cool to use a product that Facebook has deemed obsolete? Or do you just really like the color red kelly and blue gabe? I don’t mean to make such a fuss but really why don’t you just use Morse code.

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