Except that we found original manuscripts that matched the current translations with an extremely high margin. You might have heard of the Dead Sea Scrolls. And yes heretical texts such as the gnostic gospels were taken out, but that was mostly because they were written generations even centuries after Christ.

but they missed out the best parts! the bit were Jesus tames the dragons, Eve the demon bitch, god accidentally putting the faces on backwards, the bit were jesus makes living statues and fucks some kid up because he broke them.

Again, those were written close to or upwards of a century after the crucifixion unlike the synoptic gospels which were written less than a decade after Christ's death. The latest non-heretical gospel was the gospel of John which was written about 30 years after. And the demon bitch I'm assuming you're referring to Lilith, the account of which wasn't written until the 1600s and draws heavily from Sumerian myths of vampires and succubi.

why do you believe anything the bible says? this is how it was made:
a guy didn't like the Jews so he created a seperate religion called the Christians, people hated it at first but then there were a few (I think around 16) churches in an area which were Christian, they decided they needed a book so they looked at all the Jewish myths and debated on which ones to include based on whether they wanted to teach them or whether they made sense, then they took the myths and edited them so that they all folded into one another and made some stuff up to fill in the missing gaps, that is what you read today. One of the banned books I like most is "Lilith" the original Adam and Eve story I have it here: http://www(.)youtube(.)com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jRaD52H6kAA remove the boobies

Jesus was real. As were Muhammad, Buddha, and Confucius. Anyway, he didn't
'hate' Jews. Him and his disciples WERE Jewish. He taught the views of the Jewish
Holy Books, but in his interpretation. After he was crucified by the Jewish holy leaders
for criticizing them, his disciples decided to follow his views, creating a break-off
religion. They started to found churches teaching their views, and eventually the
religion spread massively.