Al Bruce: A-E’s vengeance upon Classmate Pat

Monday

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:45 PMSep 25, 2017 at 9:45 PM

Classmate-Canadaphobe-correspondent Pat berated A-E for attempting in his truck to play Canadian Gordon Lightfoot’s tapes, hum O Canada and discuss Canada’s national pastime ice hockey. It’s A-E’s turn to drive to the Richard-Pat-Joe-A-E mini-reunion later this autumn. A-E promises to play endlessly “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” plus sing “O Canada” and “Marie she was a chambermaid on a lumber barge on the Grand Lachine Canal” coming and going to any far-away site Classmate Richard selects.

Johnny really can’t read (or write)

Despite stubbornly high unemployment rates, many employers complain that they can't find qualified candidates, writes Kelley Holland of MSNBC. In too many surveys, employers complain about the inability of job candidates to speak and write clearly. Experts differ on why job candidates can't communicate effectively. Bram Lowsky, executive vice president of Right Management, blames technology. “With Gen X and Gen Y, because everything is shorthand and text, the ability to communicate effectively is challenged,” he said. “You see it in the business world, whether with existing employees or job candidates looking for work.”

In a survey of 318 employers the Association of American Colleges and Universities published last year, 80 percent of respondents said colleges should focus more on written and oral communication.

William Ellet, adjunct professor teaching writing at Brandeis International Business School, says the problem starts earlier. He points out that the Department of Education in 2012 reported just 24 percent of eighth and 12th graders were proficient in writing. From kindergarten to colleges, he said, "nobody takes responsibility for writing instruction." Corning Foundation funds STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) courses at several area schools to help strengthen the pool of job candidates.

A-E, who is also the Evening Tribune education reporter, notes that many area school are enthusiastically endorsing reading and writing as the foundation of secondary school academics.

Jumping higher than grasshoppers on a hot frying pan

Frau was born and raised in a country, a long way from Greater Jasper, where fried grasshoppers are considered snacks. As a youngster, her household chores included rounding up enough bugs for family hors d‘oeuvres. With a straight face, Frau asked A-E “Do you realize how difficult it is to keep grasshoppers in a sizzling frying pan?” A-E imagined grasshoppers hot-footing around the kitchen until Frau laughed at her own joke.

Political Latin

Some forecasts from presidential pretenders weren’t terribly controversial, although claiming economic policies would hike growth was about the same as roosters believing their crowing causes sunrise. Consider Pliny the Elder, who warned us in Latin, "addito salis grano, add a grain of salt” the next time a bloviator predicts “the greatest ever” after suggesting that bringing low-paying jobs from overseas is an employment panacea.

Classmate Richard’s ode to aging

A-E and Neighbor Bill are within three months of the same age. Neither of us will tell the exact dates but we suspect that we are twins separated at birth. Bill and A-E sometimes chat about the vagaries of age, especially while comparing aches and pains.

Here’s a missive about that subject from Classmate-Correspondent Richard who is the exact age of A-E:

“I've sure gotten old!

“I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.

“I'm half blind,

“can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

“take 40 different medications that

“make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

“Have bouts with dementia.

“Have poor circulation;

“hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

“Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

“Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,

“I still have my driver's license.

THE SENILITY PRAYER (more of Richard’s satire) :

Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

the eyesight to tell the difference.

A-E, when he isn’t dribbling into a cup tethered around his neck, writes this weakly column for The Evening Tribune.

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