the raindrops of life… some warm, some storm

Homes and poles

Of the two really strong memories of pole events when I was younger, the first one that comes to mind around this time of year is always the negative one..

The one of the first year that i tried to attend and instead ended up hiding behind a tree across the street, totally shocked that the christian kids i’d so hoped to meet turned out to be the same popular crowd that were total mean jerks to a lot of the rest of the kids all during the week.

And so disillusioned from the night before… my first time spending the night with a family from the church, and discovering that their lives weren’t all that different from mine. (I still wonder, what kind of deacon actually lets his kids own a ouija board stacked with all of their normal board games?)

But its sort of interesting this year.

One of this big things that has come with the change in pastors is a change in focus… and a big push towards creating homes and lives where god is really in the lead, which then changes the way that the rest of our lives reflect that.

Basically, our homes should look different than a home that is centered around anything else… and for most of us, they really don’t.

So with that being a lot of the focus of sermons lately… and then back to the memory, it sort of has a different effect this year.

I remember feeling not just disappointment with the family and the kids… and a feeling of being alone… but also sort of a sorrow. A sad feeling… kind of a loss of hope that life was going to be any different once I had things figured out a bit more.

And really… in most cases, it hasn’t been. And I think I’ve just accepted that to some extent.

But this time, it hits with a hope. More of a realization that yes, it isn’t… but someday it can be. Not tomorrow maybe, but it can be a tiny bit closer tomorrow. And a little bit more the next day.

And it can be. Even when sometimes its hard for us to imagine what that looks like yet.