Only in New York can two knuckleheads masquerading as politicians bring an entire state to a standstill with sophomoric side-switching shenanigans straight out of West Side Story.

Are Hiram Monseratte and Pedro Espada jets? Are they sharks? Does it matter? All we’re asking for are halfway decent elected officials who care, or at the very least pretend to care, about the needs of their constituents.

We know once elected, officials will sell out to powerful special interests, lose touch with their support base and eventually all but forget wherever it is they came from. Fine. That’s expected, unfortunately.

But what voters want - no, what we deserve - is some semblance of order while our elected officials drive our state into the ground. A façade of normalcy.

On a sinking ship, for instance (or at least as it plays out in the movies), frantic passengers turn for reassurance to their calm, well-dressed captain and crew, who always seem to know exactly what they’re doing till the very end.

Consider: the national economy is in recession and the state itself is in dire financial straights; the governor is unpopular, to say the least, and clinging to his job by a thread. In these trying times, nothing can beat a pretty cool hand.

In other words, all Monseratte and Espada were expected to do to earn their paychecks was polish their briefcases, knot their ties, and act like semi-responsible, semi-corrupt public officials you’d be proud to showoff to your mother. That doesn’t sound too hard, but apparently it was.

Instead of following orders and not getting in anyone’s way, the ambiguously intelligent duo switched sides. Then Monseratte switched back. Now the Senate is deadlocked and can’t pass any legislation. Good job guys.

And as all this was happening, the goofy pair somehow had the time (and the nerve!) to score luxury box seats to a game at Yankee Stadium. They sat together - this was before the onetime Democrat and former Republican Monseratte re-embraced the Democratic Party, remember - and enjoyed an innocent ballgame while Albany went crazy. Unreal.