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Deplorably Speaking: A Righteous Blog

Herein your fearless editor in briefs, who was deplorable long before deplorable was a meme, holds forth, but seldom holds his tongue, on a variety of topics ranging from the politicalization of sports to the emasculation of male college students to the idiocies of third-wave feminism to the reasons for (and implications of) the sudden prominence of white-interest™ movements to whatever fickles his nancy. You can check in any time you like as long as you're prepared to get deplorable.

The Grammar Prick

Meaner than a powdery-smelling, dried-up, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick, the alt-right's official Minister of Grammar, will split your head if you split an infinitive.
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Postcards the Book

The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Strike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Before meeting the members of our staff, you must verify that you are at least thirteen years of age mentally if not emotionally. If you are able to click on the title of this article, we will assume you are of sufficient age to meet our staff members. Nevertheless, do not say you were not warned, and please do not approach them while they're eating.More.Jan 25, 2006 - 9:33

Gemstones, colors, fish entrails, and power phrases are not the only astrological influences guiding our destinies. In fact, the vehicles we drive are the engines that really drive our happiness. If you’ve been spinning your wheels on life’s limited-access highway, perhaps it’s because you’re behind the wheel of the wrong kind of machine. Catmando’s First Annual New and Used Carma Guide will help you get your rear in gear and keep your peddle to the mental.
Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21):Your recent conversion to a holistic, centered lifestyle—which you made without sacrificing your puckish sense of humor—demands nothing less than the entrance than can only be made from a Steve Urkel electric car. Practice saying “Did I do that?” as you get out of your Urkelmobile after parking in your neighbor’s flower bed.
Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): Your flair for the unconventional cries out for a Corvair. Like this classic auto, you have often been said to be unsafe at any speed. If you want to show all those front-engine fogies that big brother isn’t going to tell you what to drive, get a ‘63 Corvair with a “Ralph Who?” bumper sticker.
Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18): Unlike the rest of America, which missed the point about the Edsel, you have always appreciated its subtlety and daring. Now’s the time to come out of the automotive closet. Get the Edsel that Aunt Bee left you out of storage and, with the radio blasting “Born to Be Wild,” head out on the highway.
Pisces (2/19 - 3/20): The Sportsman’s Motor Condo with hot tub, patio, observation deck and autopilot is the one vehicle that can accommodate your muddled sense of direction, fondness for strong drink, and phobia about sleeping in strange beds. Don’t leave home without one.
Aries (3/21 - 4/19): The Humvee, with its tanklike construction, plush interior and military bearing, is just the thing for a hostile corporate takeover or a spur-of-the-moment getaway to your favorite off-road Valhalla. The Pentagon pays upwards of $8 million for one, but you can get a low-mileage, previuosly comandeered bargain for about 60K.
Taurus (4/20 - 5/20): The Austin Powers, a built-to-scale replica of the Austin Healy, is the perfect car for Taurans. It exudes style and verve while excluding all driving partners with children, dogs or a lot of baggage. The removable passenger seat is an attractive option for those who truly enjoy their own company best.
Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): “She's got a competition clutch/With four on the floor/Yeah, she purrs like a kitten/Till the Lake pipes roar/And if that ain't enough/To make you flip your lid/There's one more thing/I've got the pink slip, Daddy!” So, Beach Boys fan, you tell Catmando what your astrological vehicle is.
Cancer (6/22 - 7/22): As the days grow longer following the winter solstice, your prospects, ironically, diminish. Every yahoo driving with no insurance and an expired license is down at the gas-and-go stoking up on coffee and day-old Twinkies. Leave your car in the garage and lease a Rent-a-Wreck if you must leave home before Valentine’s Day.
Leo (7/23 - 8/22): An armor-plated pickup truck with an extended-cab and wheels the size of Rhode Island will carry you wherever your dreams envision -- especially if you get the Richard Petty model with the 75-gallon auxiliary gas tank. Soon you’ll be crooning “Like a Rock” in a voice so deep it’ll make Bob Seeger sound like a George Michael.
Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): A vintage 1967 VW bus with the Cheech and Chong all-natural exterior -- and smoke alarms throughout -- is your ticket to ride this winter. Still capable of doing zero to 60 in five minutes, this dream machine will deliver more smiles to the miles, and you’ll be so glad you kept all your old eight-track tapes.
Libra (9/23 - 10/23): The road to hog heaven calls. Ditch that silly hybrid, pussy vehicle and get yourself a customized Harley-Davidson easy rider, replete with 500-channel television, surround-sound stereo, fold-down Formica dining area and hideaway dry-cleaning unit. One-time comedian Jay Leno drives one. So did Malcolm Forbes. What’s stopping you?
Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21): Nothing says “I’m my own person” louder than a Studebaker, a car that was so far ahead of its time it looked as if was standing still even when it was moving. A deco delight, the Studebaker continues to thrill the truly outre. Get one in pink with silver trim if you’ve got the balls.

The Gift of GAB

Fuck those Twitter cunts and pearl clutchers. They banned all the cool kids like Milo, so all the cool kids are matriculating to GAB, where free spech matters.

Contact Us or Else

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