I remember long ago—back when I first started homeschooling—I was part of an online message board community of hip, cool, motivated, smart homeschooling parents. I don’t even know why they let me in their group. I’m still wondering.

Anyway, one of the things I learned during my observances and participation on this message board of hip, cool, motivated, smart homeschooling parents was that not everyone’s experience with in-laws is positive and harmonious. I’d read lamentation after lamentation of monster mothers-in-law and wretched sisters-in-law, and crazy fathers-in-law, all the while reflecting upon the relationships I have with mine. I’d sit there lactating and think, dismissively, “What’s so difficult? How hard can it be? Can’t you just decide you’re going to get along and be the better person?”

I diplomatically posed that question one night when I was hopped up on caffeine and Prolactin, after reading a thread between some ladies, one of whom was discussing her and her husband’s total estrangement from his parents—caused, evidently, by the mother’s “terrible treatment” of her daughter-in-law.

“I know I don’t know all the circumstances and I don’t want to presume to be the most qualified to comment,” I offered. “But what if you just woke up tomorrow and decided that you, from that day forward, were going to foster a harmonious relationship with your mother-in-law? It sounds like she probably isn’t being as kind as she should, but do you think you could chalk that up to her having been the primary female in your husband’s life for so many years, and maybe she’s just experiencing some pain associated with the transition?”

I continued. My baby was fussy. It was going to be a long night. “But assuming it takes two to continue a conflict, what if you just decided that nothing she says or does from here on out is going to hurt your feelings? What if you were the bigger person, and instantly forgave her whenever she threw zingers at you? It might make your life more pleasant, and might free you up from trying to decipher her behavior all the time.”

Later, when my baby latched on for his 92nd feeding of the night, I logged onto the message board and read the woman’s reply.

“Well, that might be a valid approach with some people,” she wrote. “But how ’bout this? For the first five years of our marriage, my mother-in-law never said one word to me. We’d go to their house for dinner and if I spoke to her she’d turn around and walk away. At the dinner table, I’d ask her questions and she’d pretend I wasn’t there. It just got to the point that being around her was too hurtful.”

And then another gal added to the thread.

“Yeah, Ree. That’s a nice sentiment, but my sister-in-law was so threatened by my entrance into the family that she slashed my tires so I couldn’t attend Christmas at the family home. Then last year at Easter, she physically attacked me while the kids were hunting Easter eggs. I had to get nineteen stitches.”

Seriously. Some of these stories would make the chambers of your heart shrivel to the size of raisins.

The thread grew and grew, and throughout the night I nursed my baby and scrolled through the myriad messages and absorbed, horror story after horror story, the terrible and toxic relationships many of these parents had with their in-laws. I went to bed for seven years, I was so depressed.

But the conversation taught me a lot. Not everyone’s experience is the same. And while I do believe it’s best just to smile and have fun with your in-laws—even if they’re grumpy buttheads—I also realize there are some situations that warrant drawing the line.

Easter Day assaults are probably among them. ESPECIALLY if they happen during the egg hunt. Sheesh.

And I learned two important things. One, don’t ever oversimplify other people’s experiences while you’re postpartum and sleep deprived in the middle of the night. Some things are black-and-white. But many things aren’t.

And two, I’m lucky. The relationship I have with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law (above) is good. Not that we spend every moment together or necessarily have identical interests. For instance, I choose not to saddle horses. I don’t want to show off. Missy, on the other hand, can saddle a horse with both hands tied behind her back. You should see it.

But we’re friends, and we help one another. And I actually have the advantage: I had four children to Missy’s two, so I’ve netted many more hours of assistance than I’ve doled out.

I’m extremely lucky when it comes to in-laws. Of course, I’ve only been married 9 months, but I feel comfortable calling my new “parents” mom and dad like they prefer. I recognize things might get harder when we have kids, but I’m confident we’ll continue to have a good relationship.

I have awesome SIL’s. We don’t get to see each other as much as I would like, but when we do it is always fun. My MIL has been dead for over 15 years, but she was fine with me. She needed a lot of assistance that I was generally willing to give, so we got along great.

Families are complicated. I have had more trouble with my own than my husband’s though. Oh, well.

I’m a lucky one! My in-laws are fabulous. We get along so great, but then again we live 2000 miles apart.

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Patty On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:38 am

Agree with #3 Laura – some of us just got luckier than others! We can all get along, though, like Ree – we don’t have ALL the same interests – we share the same family. We refer to our “in laws” as “in loves” – - mother-in-love, brother-in-love, etc., etc., no in-laws with us!!!

10

Vikki On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:38 am

I am super lucky to have an awesome mother-in-law and sister-in-laws! They are always there for me, and I for them.

mdsay On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:38 am

I think that family is a difficult subject. I have more trouble with mine than my husbands. If it was only as easy as to be the better person!

13

Lisa Rae On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:39 am

…Ok..ok. I’ll invite the Mom in law over for dinner…soon.

14

Mary Kay On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:39 am

I try to be a good mother-in-law and enjoy spending tiime with my daughter-in-law. In fact, my son jokes to his wife that “my mom likes you better than she likes me”. That’s not true, we women have to stick together!

MariaV On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:40 am

I love reading about your relationships with your in-laws. I get along with mine, but I rarely see them. Also, my mother is the impossible one who would bleed you dry if you let her so I’m sympathetic.

I’m very blessed when it comes to in-laws. But this is my second marriage. The in-laws from first marriage was very hard to get along with but never violent. The worse was my ex-sister-in-law refusing to let me and my kids attend my mother-in-laws funeral.

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Terri Haines On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:42 am

I have an awesome, amazing, wonderful mother-in-law, and get along great with my sisters- and brothers-in-law. With both my and my husband’s parents divorced and remarried, we have step-in-laws, but we get along fine.

Ivy On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:42 am

I’m lucky in that I get along with my in-laws, as well. I’ve heard some horror stories, though, from friends who don’t get along with their in-laws and many, many stories in between.

22

Gwennie On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:42 am

Is Missy the spittin’ image of MM or what! How could you not get along? I never got a chance to meet my inlaws. It’s a sorely missed element in our lives. Hopefully when we meet in heaven I won’t get attacked!

My experience tends to lean more towards the ones you read about on that message board. My mother-in-law is openly hostile towards me because she thinks I “changed” her son. She thinks I don’t spoil him enough or dote on him enough (which is ridiculous as I spoil him rotten) and I DON’T FOLD HIS UNDERWEAR PROPERLY.

As in… she opened his dresser, looked, REFOLDED IT ALL, and then called me in to show me how she did it.

Consider yourself lucky, Ree. You are probably in the minority.

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Sarah On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:42 am

You give great advice – it’s never too late to wake up one morning and decide to be agreeable! And it is honestly, so much simpler!

I had a good – then rough – then good experience with my mother in law. My sister in law asked me, in the first month of going out with my hubby, why I had stretch marks on my upper thigh. She was very threatened at the idea of losing her own personal little brother friend. We’re pretty close now. And just for the record, I DON’T have stretch marks. Yes I do.

My in-laws are as wonderful and as trying to my patience as my own family, which to me is as good as it gets. What I like most, though, is that there are SO MANY of them (my husband is one of six, I’m one of three). I didn’t even know I wanted to be part of a big family until they came along.

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Melissa On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:43 am

I LOVE my mother-in-law. So much so that we took a trip to Vegas many years ago. I LOVE my sisters and brothers-in-law. We all get along great. I know that one day I will be the mother-in-law and hope that I get along with the “new” daughters. My MIL thaught me who to cook some of her son’s favorite foods. I LOVE her!!!

I am lucky too! Our children are fortunate because of it as well. This post is a nice way to start a new day…will be calling SIL when the sun is up to just say “Hi”..

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Natalie On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:44 am

Yeah, I feel for my husband. The first time he met my dad ( we were already married, long story but basically war-time expediency), my dad told him he was “just a phase”and that I’d probably go through my youthful, fickle phases until my thirties (I was 23). Thank goodness things improved, but then dad passed away and my husband and I have to cope with my mother, who has Narcissistic Disorder which is a fancy name for Sociopath-Lite. And she’s totally unaware of it and thinks she is the nicest, kindest person around. Oy.
Being the bigger person is often hard, but we do our very very best – but yeah, the line would definitely be drawn at tire-slashing and stitches. Can I just say Oh. My. Go-odness.

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mandy in Chicago On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:45 am

I would fall in the undeservedly blessed category. I feel like my in-laws are like blood family to me more so than my own family. They treat me like a daughter and a sister. People always act like I’m crazy when I say, “My mother-in-law is one of my best friends.” But she is.

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Pat in Oak Ridge On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:45 am

My MIL lives far far away. We never see her. I am so happy about that. Just an e-mail every once in awhile. Looks like MM and Tim lucked out and got great wives. YOu’re so lucky to be in such a great family.

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Sharon On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:45 am

Warm in-laws was not something I was blessed with. I have tried over the years (21 already) to keep the peace. I have never wanted my husband to look back and feel that I was a wedge between him and his family. There have been many hurts and hard times, but with age I realize that it is their (for the most part) and not my shortcomings. As a newly wed though it was harder. One last comment…my now 16 year old daughter has started to make comments about how she feels a second class citizen to the attention they give her older brother. It is not her imagination and it makes it doubly difficult to not speak poorly of her grandparents. BTW, my husband has wonderful extended family that more than makes up for it!

You are very lucky! Missy sounds like a wonderful sister-in-law and team member (I think your whole ranching family appears to work as a marvelous team. Very impressive.)
Phoo-Dhttp://www.phoo-d.com

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Terri Haines On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:45 am

On another note, do you only allow beautiful people at your ranch? I have yet to see one ugly person there. You would think chances are that at least one of the Bakerella winners would be plain but they were all beautiful too. Perhaps you station a makeover team at the entrance?

You can trust that I will NEVER cross Missy. I can promise this mostly because I would have to travel A VERY LONG WAY for our paths to even cross, let alone our intentions…

She has the nicest face – you are a lucky gal to have such a sweet SIL. Can I borrow her sometime?? Of course, that may put my own wonderful SILs noses well and truly out of joint, and we don’t want that!!!
*winks*
BB

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Randi - Canada On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:45 am

I think there are more mother in law stories than you realize. I could go on and on…but I won’t.

I love my in-laws! No slashing tires or stitches here. Our personalities clash once in a great while, but I have to take a break from my husband on occasion too.

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marilyn On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:47 am

I am Blessed with the best SIL in the world, he is the son I never had!

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Pat in Oak Ridge On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:48 am

I forgot to say that I have a daughter-in-law, and I try really hard to be supportive of her and my son and I try really hard to be a great mother -in- law. We get along really good and she’s like a real daughter to me.

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kym b On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:48 am

i get along great with all of my in-laws. my mother-in-law is loony as a toon, but we get along fine. my husband and i just laugh about the ridiculousness she spews after she leaves. my mom’s crazy too so we also have that. both sides of our family are just awesome, supportive, helpful and couldn’t love our 3 kids any more if they had birthed them themselves. we are fortunate enough to have never had to pay a sitter because we always have family to watch our kids. amen for in-laws and family in general.

I am extremely luck, I have the worlds best in-laws. I really feel like we are blood family, almost more than with my own family. They treat me like a daughter and sister. It is such an amazing feeling to be so loved by them! My MIL and SIL will be visiting us in 3 days…I am SO excited!

I live next door to mine on the farm…. it’s not perfect… I can give you a list of why nots… but they usually stay in their house and us in ours, so it’s ok. It’s also convienient when you need something so…. you let a lot slide.

Now… about my Mother….. Let’s just leave it at I’m glad she’s 2hrs away. I’ve always had difficulties with her.

I am lucky to have great in-laws– but I’ve heard many a story. I think you’re point still stands: are you bugged ’cause they do things differently than you? Well, ya have to get over that. All families do things differently. Are they openly hostile and nasty? Well, that’s another problem all together.

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Barb 1230 On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:49 am

I would love to have a terrific relationship with my in-laws, as it seems you do. I can get along with my m-i-l, but she’s somewhat superficial and self-absorbed. Never been into her grandkids at all, which hurts. My f-i-l is an opinionated jerk who has thankfully mellowed with age. I also don’t let him get to me like when I was a teen. I can mostly tolerate all brothers-in-law and their wives so it’s not a total loss.

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MIA On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:49 am

I must say I’m envious of a good MIL relationship — mine — not so good. I thought it would be great in the beginning but it turns out that it was a show – as most things now are. It’s a tough, tough relationship – but thankfully my wonderful husband sees and experiences the same things so I don’t feel like it’s a battle – it’s just something we have to deal with… grrr…

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Anonymous On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:50 am

Thanks for a great, gracious post. I’m agreeing with Natalie. Now imagine that your dh was the Narcissist (aka Sociopath-Lite) and you can see that all of what you said about in-laws can also be applied to people that seem to think that fixing marital problems is to just communicate or work harder to see the other person’s side. Um, some people are so toxic that it just isn’t so simple.

I love your site.

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Crystal On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:50 am

I actually get along with my in-laws pretty well, I even like them. It wasn’t so easy in the beginning, but mostly because I married into a very confrontational group of people who say what they are thinking and don’t hold back, and my family was never like that. But, things have calmed down a lot and I certainly got the better end of the deal with in-laws than my husband did. We have almost nothing to do with any of my family. My dad passed away last year, my brother and I aren’t very close and I haven’t spoke to my mother in over 7 years. I also have absolutely nothing to do with my mother’s entire family. So, while my start with my husband’s family was a rocky one it has improved greatly and I honestly don’t know how we would have made it through the last year without them.

I love my in-laws. We get a long so well. My family and my husband’s family also get along well together. His family has adopted my 90 year old mother as their matriarch and the kids in my husband’s family call her Granny Dorothy.
But then who wouldn’t love a Granny Dorothy?http://www.soeursdujour.com/2008/07/granny.html
xo

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Nancy H On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:50 am

Someone asked my father-in-law once how his wife and I get along and he replied “they’re like sisters” . . . I was 40 when I married my husband and beyond the point where I needed another “mom” so we easily became friends. I also have a great sis-in-law who can sew and bake birthday cakes . . . she’s just like my own sister. I’m also blessed by another great sis-in-law–my brother’s wife. We’ve known each other since we were in junior high, so she’s always been just like another sister.

I never had problems with my mother-in-law, but my GRANDMOTHER-in-law was another story. Italians call them Godfathers. Southerners call them Grandmothers. And my husband’s Grandmother was the Godfather of the South. She couldn’t stand that another woman had joined their family, and it took her a good few YEARS to even warm up to me. But I bid my time, always played nicely, and remembered that this woman practically raised my husband. We now swap recipes and talk every so often on the phone (we live far away now – which is purely a coincidence…honest…). I think the trick is remembering that there is a place for both people in the family. You just have to learn where yours is.

Rocky isn’t even the word after my huband and I eloped, but my husband just sat my MIL down and told her I came first now and that’s just how it was going to be and if she continued to make me feel uncomfortable then we would celebrate our holidays alone. The next visit was much better. I still get ignored and interrupted occasionally, but it’s fine for a few days.

Whew! You’re definitely stirrin the hornet’s nest here! My in-laws are buttheads. No, I didn’t really mean that but I do think it quite often. Like the time my mother-in-law told me she would like to take all the girls of the family on a beach vacation and then very specifically told me it would be all her sisters, her daughter, and my two girls. Yes, I portrayed some serious self-control that time!
You’re very blessed to have such wonderful people in your life and you’re right it may be just more about who we are most of time. But yes they’re are those few that married into a hell of their own.
Blessings to you! Julie in Ok

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Erin Johnson On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:54 am

Well I get along w/ my father n law & his girl friend but my mother n law hates my guts. But i have been married for 5 months & i have never been happier. I am so lucky to have such a great husband. I love ya honey.

Christin On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:54 am

You are so very lucky to have a good relationship with your in-laws. Mine is way too convoluted of a story to delve into but my relationship with my in-laws is not as good as I’d have hoped. It’s not bad, per se, but it’s not great. Oh well, life goes on and my husband loves us all. To me, that’s all that matters.

Lisa On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:55 am

I am on the lucky side like you. I have a wonderful mother-in-law and get this … she loves my mother and my mother loves her. Makes holidays and family get-togethers heaven on earth. You see, both sides of the family are very small. We spend a lot of time together.

Now my sister-in-law … that’s a whole different story. Let’s just say I can tolerate her in a room. So for no violence has erupted.

So far.

LOL.

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Jillian On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:55 am

Since I’m not married I have no inlaws but I have had some terrible boyfriend parents. One of whom invited me to fly to their home two hours away (by plane) in a city where I knew no one and then proceeded to insult me to my face the whole weekend. It started off as kind of veiled insults or insinuations. And I did as you suggested to the women on the post Ree. Everytime she made a nasty comment I simply smiled or changed the subject. This annoyed her and as the weekend progressed the insults became less veiled and more straightforward, until by the end of the weekend she said cruel things just to get a reaction out of me. She made comments about my family (whom she’d never met), the city I lived in (which she’d been to once), my eating habits and my religious affiliation (which she knew nothing about). She also made several comments to her son, in front of me and some other guests, questioning why he chose me out of all the other girls who are surely falling at his feet. At the end of three days I was on the flight home faster than she could say goodbye. Her son was mortified. Luckily we broke up soon after so I don’t ever have to deal with her again.

But inlaws are a big deal in some marriages. Marriages have ended because of horrible inlaws. Others have survived because the inlaws help create a bond. Before I had the above experience I always thought inlaws were just whatever. If you didn’t want them to affect your marriage or relationship, you didn’t let them. Since then I’ve learned and I view inlaws as a definite part of relationships. You’re so lucky that your inlaws are awesome! Of course, your parents in law must be, they raised MM after all!

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S On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:55 am

It’s my mother-in-law’s personality that I can’t stand. She loves to show off and it’s hard to have a a conversation with her. She doesn’t pay attention and forgets everything, there is nothing medically wrong with her. She can always out do anyone with anything they say or repeats what you say to make it sound like it is her idea. She acts like she always speaks her mind and thinks that everyone knows where she stands but at the same time she’s passive aggressive. She can also be mean and spiteful. At times I don’t let her get to me but then there are other times I want to pull my hair out and hers.

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millie On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:55 am

I am happy you appreciate how good you have it with your in-laws. Sometimes it’s really, really, really hard. And, while I agree with your attitude, sometimes that doesn’t work either.

I have to say I got lucky twice. I still keep in touch with my first husband’s parents, who were great, and now my second husband’s parents couldn’t be nicer. I do try to be a good DIL, I make an effort, but I truly lucked out both times. I hear horror stories from my friends and just can’t believe how crazy some people are.

Ree, I used to feel the same way. I figured if a married woman couldn’t get along with her MIL, she was just being a cliche. I wanted to believe that it would be simple to just decide to get along with your husband’s family. My father always told me, you don’t marry the person, you marry the whole family,

I got married at 38 to the most wonderful man. He is kind, generous, and extremely loving. His mother demanded that he write a will cutting me out of everything just days before our wedding.

Despite that, I tried, I mean REALLY tried to get along with her. I planned special gifts, went out of my way to get her special cupcakes for her birthday, catered to her schedule, etc.

At this point, we have not had any contact with her in two years that didn’t involve lawyers or police. Now she is suing us and had pretty much ruined us financially. My husband’s family is hopelessly splintered. He has not spoken to his only sibling (brother) in over a year. They just had a baby that my children will probably never know.

However, we have my family. My husband and my brother are like brothers. They are very close. I have a sister-in-law that is the sister I would have chosen, if had that luxury. I have aunts and family friends that fill in as the second Grandma. We have created another family that works, that is loving and supportive.

Like you, I have had to realize that not all families are loving. Sometimes, and this is very sad to admit, they are just a gathering of people. Applying the word family does not make them what a family should be.

I have a wonderful relationship with my in laws. We spend every christmas together, My family and my hubby’s family. Just one BIG family enjoying our differences. But it is so true and sad, how some people have it. I am counting my blessings:)

My in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth, and I daily thank God for them. They receintly moved out of state, and I miss them so!
Even though in extreeme situations (such as physically tackilng!) your advice might not help, I think it is still a right way to look at it. In the book of Proverbs it says it is wise to overlook an offense. I think this is a great way! Thanks for sharing!

Wow……I’m on a great homeschool message board, and we had that exact same thread going yesterday…..

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Leigh On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:57 am

Oh goodness, I just love mine. Not a problem at all.

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Marin D. On Wednesday, March 25 at 8:58 am

You are definitely a lucky gal!!! My aren’t horrible but they treat my husband (and in turn, us) like a second class citizen. It is very frustrating. It could be much worse. I try to take the high road. It isn’t easy but I manage. Thank goodness my own family is great! I figure it is their loss!

I have been very blessed with wonderful in-laws. As a matter of fact I wrote a little blurb about them on my blog. If you have a chance to take a look….. it is under “The Happy Cottage”. http://happycottagequilter.blogspot.com/

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Joy On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:00 am

I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. My own mother is 200 miles away, so I see her maybe 4-6 times a year. My MIL lives 10 miles away and has become a friend, a great help with babysitting, has a pleasant personality, etc. She has her “less pleasant” traits too, but I don’t see them too often. I hope she can say the same about me!

Kathy On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:00 am

I love the old story of the woman who was telling her friends about how her son was married to the laziest woman and that he had to do everything, cook, clean, take care of the kids, etc.

Then she talked about her daughter who was married to the most wonderful man, he did all the cooking, cleaning, took care of the kids, etc – she was so lucky to have found someone like that…HaHa.

I actually know someone who has said similar things about her children’s partners.

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Shannon B. On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:01 am

I get along fine with the Mom/Dad-in-laws, it’s my husbands step sister that is just plain horrible. I won’t go any further, but just to say I can relate to some of the people that posted nasty things.

Maryrose On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:01 am

I am eternally grateful for my in-laws. They are more…traditional than my family and though we may not get into the days long philosophical and sociological conversations I have with my own parents, they taught me to camp, fire a shotgun and make gravy. They are invaluable. Hubbs and I haven’t had children yet, but when my MIL lived at a mine in Wyoming she was the birthing instructor. So yeah, she is the super asset. Great post, love to hear gratitude!

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Jenn On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:01 am

I envy you. I always wanted to have an awesome relationship with my in laws and I’m sad that I never had, and never will. It also makes me terribly sad for my 2 little girls because they, in turn, do not get to experience having family on my husband’s side. My MIL died about 1 1/2 years ago but even when she was alive, there was no relationship there. She was much older when DH was adopted and always had mental issues. She was horribly mean, manipulative and narcissistic. DH’s dad died before we even got married and while DH has a brother, we don’t have anything to do with him either. He is a convicted felon, does drugs, and stole an exorbitant amount of money from my MIL before she died. He is scum and I won’t let my children have anything to do with him.

So, yeah, I’m jealous of those people with awesome inlaws. I am lucky that my family adores my kids and my sister’s inlaws are actually great to my kids as well.

Nice depiction of a tenet of relationship repair. “As if” – or you act as if you do not have a bad history together. Start over. This works for some relationships.

Nice depiction of another psychological tenet – you can only change yourself. Sometimes, when you change your own behavior a positive change in your relationships results.

Nice depiction of naiveté for helping others out of their misery. Sometimes professionals think they can do this. lol! Sometimes people pay professionals to try to do this – ‘fix me!’. Sometimes professionals take money even when they know they cannot do this.

Wow, Ree! If you intended to open up Pandora’s Box you picked a great subject!

My first in-laws were great. We didn’t have a lot in common, and my MIL’s first comment of “Oh, Bill! No!!” wasn’t something I’d expected… but we always got along well. His sibs and children were great too. I was his second wife, he was my first husband. He died of a heart attack 4 years after we were married. His mother and sibs are still friendly…not so much his kids because I got remarried…

My second set of in-laws have been beyond anything I have been able to deal with. One mother and 9 brothers 7 years. Enough said.

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farmngal5 On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:02 am

You know, for many years I disliked my inlaws. Their very intrusive people, wanting to know everything. It drives me nuts. But what you said, about being the bigger person, really made me think. Its a shame everyone doesn’t go into their married life trying to do that. Once I realized that my inlaws were just trying to get to know me and the grandkids better, I started volunteering details about the kids’ lives. It’s made everything alot better. And easier.

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Gee On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:02 am

You are definitely blessed in the in-law department!!

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LeighB in ATL On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:03 am

I definitely think in-law relationships are subject to the luck of the draw. It’s one of those things folks need to talk about before marriage, just like finances and child-rearing. You need to know that your spouse will support you when it comes down to it. I’ve been lucky in both areas. I get along great with his family and he with mine, and I also know that my husband will support me when necessary.

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Tracy On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:03 am

I have to get along with my in-laws since they live right next door!! lol and I guess I have to be nice since they gave my husband and I land to build out house on!! All kidding aside we get along great and even though we may not always be on the same wavelength at times, I know that they will always be there for us and their future grandchildren. They are wondeful people with great moral and values and I am lucky to have them in my life!

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ella On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:03 am

I’m in the “not so lucky” catagory. And I did try the “smile and play nice” and “kill them with kindness”. After many years of feeling unwelcome and stressed out and depressed I made the decision with my husbands blessing not to visit any more. My inlaws live about 8 hours away so visiting them meant spending several days in their home.
Talk about uncomfortable! I regret that things couldn’t be resolved but it’s not for lack of my trying.

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donette On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:03 am

Pretty lucky here, too. My in-laws are great. But I like your last point. Life isn’t as black and white as we think. Compassion and self-restraint go a long way, but at some point you have to “leave and cleave” and if that means cutting down (or out) any family interraction for the healthiness of your own, then you do what you have to do. It’s easy to pass judgement when you aren’t the one living it everyday.

I don’t have a sister-in-law, or parent-in-laws, yet. But I have a pseudo brother-in-law. He’s a lot like my brother. My sister has been with him for 14 years. He’s a good guy. Different than someone I would be with, but I think it’s fun to have that “brother” figure, especially since I don’t have a brother.
Missy looks lovely, as usual!

I adore my mother in law. Love her to pieces! My sibling-in-laws are cool too (except my BIL’s wife doesn’t get along with my SIL’s husband, but they’re English so it’s hard for Americans to tell). My FIL is needy and difficult, but I’ve learned the secret of dealing with him. But it sounds cruel when I say it out loud–even though my SIL admitted that she used this technique to deal with him too. I grew up with horrible examples–my father’s family was just awful to my mother; it would make your hair curl. I know how lucky I am (we are).

If I don’t have to be around them or talk to them for any longer than half an hour and they don’t email or threaten to visit, I get along with my in-laws great! My MIL tells me I want my husband to die because I allow him to drink caffeine and has made me cry so many times that he told her she isn’t allowed to come near me without him standing right there!

You are lucky! I wish I had wonderful in-laws! Unfortunately, mine turned into controlling, crazy people. Long story. But we pretty much don’t have a whole lot of contact with them!! Luckily, my family loves my husband and he gets along with them fantastically!

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Cindy On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:04 am

I am so blessed. I have wonderful in-laws. They treat me like their daughter and I feel like they are my other set of parents. Bro and Sis in laws are also great.

My mom has a difficult situation where the new daughter-in-laws don’t treat her very nicely. She is having a tough time but is just continuing to be nice and hoping everything smooths out.

Ya just never know.

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Dani M. On Wednesday, March 25 at 9:04 am

I get along well with my husbands siblings and their spouses, but my Mother-in-law is something else entirely. My husband and I dated for three years before we got engaged. She never spoke to me in those three years. When my husband told her we were engaged, she locked herself in her room and did not come out the entire time we were there (stayed for dinner with the rest of the family) and did not speak to him for two weeks.

Things have improved since we got married. She will speak to me now, but the relationship is still, um, chilly at best. Out of her four kids she really doesn’t like any of the spouses, so I try not to take it too personally, but it has still strained my husbands (and his siblings) relationship with her and I think that is sad.

I’ve learned through psychopharmaceuticals and therapy that it’s easier to deal with my in-laws with civility for the sake of my kids. If I didn’t have kids fuggidaboutit.

That sounds horrible, but let me defend myself by saying that one time, when my oldest was 4 months old, we put him down for his nap and they accused me of keeping their grandson from them. Like, my MIL actually said “Why are you trying to keep him away from us?” No teasing–it was deadly serious. There are some things you don’t say to a sleep-deprived new mom and she figured it out too late.

My relationship was a little rocky the first year with my mother in law, but after that we got close and enjoyed each others company. Always got a long great with my father in law. Both have passed on and are missed greatly. I have a wonderful relationship with my brother in law. I feel lucky.

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Saturday, April 4: Freezer Fundamentals! While ranch work is going on outside, freezer work is going on inside! I share four more of my favorite freezer basics, which can be made into a whole bunch of different meals.