NEED A GREAT COVER ARTIST?

Saturday, March 31, 2012

I know. I know. I haven’t been around lately. I’ve got issues. Like this morning for instance. Mummsy picks me up to walk me downstairs and right before she hit the second flight, my bladder let lose. Pee trailed down those last set of steps, it ran all the way to the front door. I even hit the foyer window-its not like I was aiming for it-I didn’t mean to. What a mess!

Yesterday, the same thing happened but all over No-No and then on Daddy-o and the sofa.

Mummsy says getting old isn’t for sissies. And I say it isn’t for people who get embarrassed either. Bodily functions run out of control and happen. And its happening to me.

Anyway, Mummsy tries to put me in those diaper things. It’s so embarrassing but I’ve figured out how to escape from them-I know it’s not a good idea since I seem to have no control over my pees and sometimes my poops. I can’t even eat regular kibble anymore. It gives me bad gas and the runs. Mummsy cooks and purees my food now.

Well, enough about me. I figured I ‘d give Mummsy another break and announce the Hot Man today but I’m going to announce the Hot Dog of Blogs today. One is a bird, well…a ghost bird, and the other is a black lab. They’re both really cool.

So here are the two Hot Dogs of Blogs:

Duker over at A Simple Happy Life . He’s smart like me. He can read and blog unlike my stupid little brother, Hair Ball.

And then there’s Sam. I know. He’s not a fur-person, he’s a feather-person and in spirit. But he’s really cute and spunky. You can find him at Sam's Story .

Well, for now I’m gonna go. Mummsy needs me. It’s a good thing she still has control over her bladder and she can still chew her food without getting gas and the runs. But she’s got other problems. One good thing for her though, she’s cut back on her hair lopping days. She’ll be doing hair three days instead of five or six. That’s a good thing. I’ll see her more and she’ll be able to work on her writing while getting a grasp on her own health issues.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Today, I invited Mike Saxton to guest-post. He’s the author of the 7Scorpians Triology. This past weekend, I had the pleasure of meeting him face to face at an itsy-bitsy writer’s conference. There’s a special kind of glow surrounding him. He’s got a lot of energy and doesn’t make time for negative nonsense. Not to mention, he’s got a plethora of knowledge and experiences to share. You all should go check out his blog at 7Scorpians.

Okay. I’m turning this post over to Mike. He really keeps up with things Indies need to know.

PayPal, the online payment service we use to process credit card payments, has asked Smashwords to remove fiction that contains themes of bestiality, rape and incest. They tell us they are compelled to do this to remain compliant with the rules of the banks and credit card companies. Regardless on one’s opinions about these objectionable topics, we view this attempted censorship as a bad precedent. Fiction is fantasy. It’s not real.

PayPal’s request has caused a firestorm of debate on the Internet about censorship, and what this means for the future of ebook publishing. Most people are horrified at the thought of any censorship, while others believe such content should be restricted. It’s a contentious debate.

Webster’s Dictionary Definition: censor - transitive verb - to examine in order to suppress or delete anything considered objectionable <censor the news>; also : to suppress or delete as objectionable <censor out indecent passages>

I don't think there are very many people in the writing world who are unaware of the recent decree by Paypal to Smashwords to remove objectionable content as mentioned above. This is a hot topic because the literary world as a whole tends to be avidly against anything that could even be remotely viewed as censorship. But what is the basis of Paypal's request? Is it truly censorship?

Let's take a look. Below is the Webster definition of the word "censor". As you can see, by dictionary definition, what Paypal is doing could be construed as censorship but this is not the entire story. By the way, before I go further, do not construe this as agreement or disagreement with Paypal's decree. It's merely to show that there is more going on than tightwads with a stick up their asses.

For those who are unfamiliar with the business world, Paypal is owned by eBay, which is a publicly traded company. Publicly traded means that stocks are open to purchase to the general public (as opposed to an entity called an S-Corp, in which stocks are not necessarily open to the public and there is an upper limit as to the number of investors). No need to get into further details except for one thing. There is only one primary goal of a publicly traded company: to increase shareholder wealth. That's it. Every goal, every strategic plan, every media interview, every press release, every non-profit donation is meant to increase shareholder wealth either directly or indirectly. The kicker is stock values are mainly based on shareholder confidence.

So what does this little business lesson have to do with Paypal's "censorship" of Smashwords? Well, Paypal can't censor them. They can't dictate how Smashwords runs their business. What they can do, is decide whether or not it's in their best interest to continue to have the site as a client. In the business world, clients are fired just like employees are. When the relationship is not one that moves the company's goals forward, they fire the client. When I was a consultant, I sure did it. We need to realize that Smashwords developed a reputation for carrying a lot of questionable content. I actually decided not to post my books with them because I had seen a number of complaints that "all there is is porn and weird shit" (yes, I actually read that on someone's post).

So flash forward to now. Paypal has removed the decree and Smashwords will move forward as it had before. But what about shareholder confidence? What about taking a moral stand? Remember: publicly traded company. Smashwords is one of the largest, if not the largest distributor of Indie eBooks outside of Amazon and Barnes and Noble. That’s money in Paypal’s pocket and a lot of it for doing nothing more than processing payments. When it comes to building wealth, what do you think is going to win out more? Millions of dollars in revenue or taking some stand against a couple genres of books? This decree was nothing more than a publicity stunt and it worked like a charm. You’ve got to love the business world.

Just remember, next time you see an announcement like this that pisses you off, just wait before demanding petitions on Facebook and spamming everyone’s inbox with conspiracy theories. The world thrives on publicity, positive and negative. If the game makes you mad, don’t play.

Thanks for sharing this Mike. Hope to see you again. And thanks so much for the second copy to your triology. (He autographed it for me.)

And to the rest of you, I hope you enjoyed this and learned something, too.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Poody-do. Doodle. And Snoodle. Everybody is like WTF? According to my PaPa, I was ‘The Poody-Do’. My sister was lovingly declared, Doodle, and my brother was thoughtfully referred to as Snoodle.

My grandfather had a nickname for everyone, even bad ones. He was an ultimate racist. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to climb under a table in a restaurant or stay hidden in a dressing room-I won’t refer to those special names he endeared peeps of different races with. Once I became old enough, his comments totally embarrassed me to say the least.

He was also known to chant, “Where’s the Doll?” That’s what he called my grandmother.

PaPa also went around our house chanting, “Big Barb. Little Barb. And All Barb. The Little Mighty Mo.” That’s how he referred to my mother.

Well, I got the ‘Nickname Gene’-way better than the ‘Racist Gene’. People I love always get one. And so do some of the peeps I don’t care for.

My oldest daughter is Fred or ET Baby. Don’t ask me why I called her the Fred. That one just popped into my head and rolled off my tongue one day, and it stuck. Still does. But when she was first born she resembled the character ET. Her fingers were long and spindly like the alien’s. She even had a long neck and head shaped just like the creature. When I looked at her for the first time and studied her face, she tried to look back. One eye would open, while the other one would close. Her eyes were a dead give away that I’d been impregnated from something that came from outer space. (I think I was. Really.)

My second daughter was dubbed No-No by the time she’d turned two. The child never learned to walk. She ran. If there was a bookcase or anything resembling shelves, she climbed it. She was never one to stay with me in any store. Especially since there were store shelves and displays to climb. The mangers at our local grocery store knew us by name. I repeatedly said, “No. Noel,” all day, everyday as long as I can remember. Still do. So I decided to make her name and the word “No” all one deal.

My third daughter is lovingly referred to as E-Wee-Pee-Wee. To start she’d only been dubbed E-wee because she was the youngest and looked way different from the other two. Pale, pale skin. Blue eyes. Strawberry blonde hair (Yes. She was alien generated, too). But then I discovered when you snuck up on her she’d pee her pants. Viola! E-Wee-Pee-Wee became her name. She is still known as that today.

My fourth daughter originally had been dubbed ‘Holly Hobby’. She had the fattest little cheeks just like the doll. But the older she got, the more she looked like the little fairy, Tinkerbell. Especially when she piles her hair into a bun. Plus, she stands at four-foot-nine and wears a size zero. My other daughters are Amazons compared to her, the tallest standing at five-ten.

My fifth daughter is Summy-Sum-a-Lum. Don’t ask me why because I couldn’t tell you. It’s like a song really. In fact, I used to sing it to her and still do. ***shrugs***

As for my grandchildren, Ho-Ho and Glowstick.

Above is Ho-Ho. He’s part Mexican. He’s adorable and I love him. To be honest, I would’ve like to have seen my daughter with a decent Mexican. A Christian or a Jewish one. Or one that had the sense to stay out of jail. Yup. His poppy is in jail. But despite it all, little Ho-Ho is happy and has a deep belly laugh so the name sticks even though I’ve been calling him this before he popped out of E-Wee-Pee-Wee. I can only hope he doesn’t end up on the Mug Shot website one day like his father.

Now for Glowstick. The story goes like this. On the day Tinkerbell had her ultra-sound to determine his gender, the little guy got his nickname. The appendage which determined him a boy, glowed big time. I mean it stuck out like a throbbing thumb. It literally lit up like someone stuffed a light bulb there and plugged it in. Really. But if you held him up close and personal like I get to, the rest of him shines. And when he’s all wrapped in a blanket he does resemble one of those Glow Worm dolls. So yeah, the name sticks.

So there you have it, guys. You wanted to know, so I told you. It’s in my DNA, and I can’t help it.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

This above is Baby Glowstick.He’s four months now. I just picked him up from Tinkerbell. She worked until 1 am and opted out of brunch at Cracker Barrel.

This is Summy-Sum holding Glowstick. She really loves her nephew. She’s going to be a great mom one day.

No-No and Summy-Sum deciding what they’re going to have from the Cracker Barrel menu…well sort of. I interrupted them to get a picture.

This is my Dad and his girlfriend. I’m glad he has her. Last October, Dad fractured his femur and didn’t realize it. He’s suffered terribly because of it. Not to mention, he’s got a plethora of health issues like Fibromyalgia. It’s been a rough a year for him.

Glowstick says, “I want some pancakes.”

Glowstick says, “Please. I want some pancakes!”

Glowstick says, “I love you Great-Grandpa. You’re my favorite.”

Glowstick says, “Can we hang out and rock allllll day? Pleeeeease.”

Hanny says, “No. We’ve got to go pick up your cousin Ho-Ho.”

Glowstick says, “Awww man.”

The above is E-wee and Ho-Ho. Can you believe he’s 8 months old now? I can’t. He’s like carrying around a bag of bowling balls. My arms were killing me when I got home.

Ho-Ho says, “Where have you been Hanny? I haven’t seen you in like forever."

Ho-Ho says, “Where’s the juice and cookies?”

Ho-Ho says, “A purse strap will do. This is good chewing.”

Ho-Ho says, “Bubba juice is good.”

That’s all the pictures I have to share. Wished I had more but every time I go down there’s always some kind of drama going on. Lot’s of she said and she said and did…blah….blah. My daughters got along better when they were little.

The new blah-blah is ‘my baby’s cuter’, “your baby’s head is too big’, and ‘your baby smells bad’. And then there’s this blah-blah..’she’s not being a good mother’. It comes out of both pie holes. So tell me I don’t have fodder for more books.

That’s all for now folks!”

Later in the ink all,

Shelly

Disclaimer: The above pictures are the property of Shelly Arkon and no one else may use them.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Slacker-Shelly was really hoping these other tag questions would disappear. But since Slackers file nothing, they’ve been sitting on her kitchen table staring at her, and whimpering, “Answer me. Answer me.” She can totally hear it in the fly voice from the movie “The Fly.” The Vincent Price version. Oh that was the best.

Wasn’t that the bestest fly scene ever?

Let’s move on….(What happened to Robb Logger? Anyone?)

So Eve Gaal over at The Desert Rocks tagged Slacker-Shelly. I really, reallylove, love her. She’s the best. Go check her out.

The Rules

Since Shelly-Slacker is a Slacker, she’s not going to repeat the rules.

The Questions

A couple posts ago Shelly-Slacker wrote she’d answer three more but she’s only going to answer two. She lied. The answers will be short and to the point. She likes questions that give her only two one worded options. Slackers like her love stuff like this.

6. What’s your favorite flower? Sunflower.

7. Do you have a distaste for cookbooks? No.

Shelly-Slacker must go now. She’s visiting with Baby Ho-Ho and Baby Glowstick today. She’s also visiting with her Dad. So Shelly-Slacker will be slacking from the internet today. She won’t be around but does wish all her bloggy-buddies a great day! And maybe Tuesday, she’ll be armed with baby pictures.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Today, since Shelly is a Slacker, I've invited Lena Winfrey to tell about herself, her book, her poetry, and her journey in self-promotion.

She’s had a rather interesting life and I really need to get her book myself.

So, take it away Lena.

Hello everyone! I am very happy to be at Shelly’s blog today. She invited me to speak about my current work and my experience with publishing.

My published novel is an autobiography called The Metamorphosis of a Muslim, and it came out in May 2011. It is about my spiritual journey to Islam (I was raised as a Presbyterian, went to a Baptist College and had a Pentecostal grandmother. Wow, what a mixture)! I also discuss a bit about my childhood and my world travels (mostly in the Middle East, Africa and Asia). And at the end, I express a message of understanding and peace between all people and faiths.

My publisher, International Islamic Publishing House (IIPH), are located in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. They are one of the biggest and best publishers in the Middle East. So, while I was living in Sudan, I actually sent my manuscript to them (that was about 8 years ago). Well, at the time, they did not have an English language editor, and my manuscript ended up on a shelf for almost three years! After moving to Ghana, thank God I still had the same e-mail, I received an e-mail from their new English language editor who happened to be an American! She just loved my story and the style of it. She raved about it and said they wanted to publish me. Well, a lot of time had passed since I had sent in the original manuscript, so I asked her if I could rewrite and add to it. So, I spent the next year adding in new material and rewriting. Then, I moved back to the US where I now live in Florida. So, we kept emailing for another year editing notes. Basically, they wanted me to edit most of the manuscript, and they would send me back notes to either expand, enhance or explain something. Then, they wanted references listed for some of the quotes. Once I finished it, I sent it in and awaited them to send me the copy they were planning to print so they could get my approval. This whole process was very long and drawn out, and it usually is with traditional publishers. However, I must say that when the final copy of the book did finally come out, I was very pleased with the quality of the text and the cover. The art work on my book is amazing!

After the book came out, I really did not realize just how much I would have to self-promote my book. My publisher did write a nice blurb to advertise my novel. And they have really been distributing it well here and overseas. I have discovered my book is on Ebay, Amazon and various Islamic websites through the distributors. This past year has really been a learning curve for me; I have been learning about marketing and networking. I guess between my publisher and myself that we are spreading the word well world-wide. I was amazed that I’ve gotten some reviews and e-mails via Facebook from around the world. One professor in India wants to use my novel in his classroom! So many people in various countries have told me how much they like my book. One woman from Egypt told me that she discovered my book at the right moment and it inspired her. Wow, that makes me feel really good! I have had some great reviews posted on Amazon, too.

Self-promoting and marketing does take persistence and hard work. I have enjoyed the journey so far, though I admit occasionally it is exhausting. I would much rather sit and write than to market, but one has to do what one has to do.

Currently, I am working on a realistic fictional novel. I also have a couple of non-fiction books in the works, and I am planning one day to publish a collection of poems. If I cannot get a big publisher to pick me up, I will definitely go Indie. At least with Indie, you are in control of your own work.

I do write screenplays, and filmmaking is a dream of mine. I did a course at Full Sail in “Producing Independent Film”, and I really loved it. So, that is something on my to-do-list.

You can find my book on Amazon, but the best place to purchase The Metamorphosis of aMuslim is from the publisher at:

I do regret at the moment that there is no ebook form for my book; however, the hard back copy is inexpensive. You can get it from the publisher for $9. Currently the company is working on transferring their books into ebooks.

I have enjoyed being a part of WMD; I have met some wonderfully talented and amazing writers there. It is so great that we support each other. The feeling of friendship and camaraderie there is amazing! It is a rare thing to find in the world today.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Strange but hot man out of nowhere bumps into snarky archeologist who’s looking for funding to keep her dig going in Egypt. Hot man offers to fund the dig and travels across the wide, wide ocean with snarky-chick.

Hot man does everything to get snarky-chick in bed. (No. This is not erotica.)

Snarky-chick refuses on many occasions but her defenses become weakened. Yup. Hot guy nails snarky-chick.

Little does snarky-chick know, hot man is part of some strange DNA cult that wants to create a super-human-race and she’s to be all part of it. The incubator for the anti-christ.

Well, that was the original plan until hot guy actually falls for snarky-chick and gets her pregnant the natural way. This of course pisses off the DNA cult because the baby snarky-chick is carrying… well, it all eludes to the Messiah theory.

So hot guy and snarky-chick end up on the run for their lives. In the meantime, lots of peeps are dying and we find out hot guy really is special. He has the gift of healing and visions. He also has a pipeline to God and two guardian angels keep him, snarky-chick, and the baby safe. Well, sort of….

Get the Book! You won’t be disappointed.

I read it in a week. Really, I could’ve read it in a day. When at work, I could hardly wait to get home to get my hands on it. It was the first thing I read in the morning and the last thing I read before going to bed. I really hated having to put it away to either go to work or bed.

There are many twists and turns. It’ll leave you grabbing for your seat belt and possibly biting your nails. You should probably read this one in your car parked in your garage so you can actually grab your seat belt.

You can find the book on Amazon for your Kindle at an affordable 3.99.

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Secondhand Shoes, A Novel

About Me

Wife. Mother of five grown daughters and two dogs, Honey Bear and Sir Poops-A-Lot. Hairdresser at forty hours a week. An author the rest of the time.
Finished novel, Secondhand Shoes. Currently, you can find it on Amazon, in paperback only. I went Indie, folks.
Working on a series now. White Trash and Pill Heads. Title, subject to change.
Member of Florida Writer's Association, Community Writer's Digest, and Writers of Mass Distraction.
And, feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
Oh, and did I mention, I'm the Frag Queen.