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Permanent Expressions and Permanently Exposed, 2004. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

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Mother’s Day count down

May 4, 2019

This is a difficult post~

I am full of emotions, the main thing I always found pride in, is being a mother. Mother’s Day is next week and it’s sad that so many of us feel undeserving because of the guilt we try so hard to let go of past mistakes. Some of us may try to be today everything we weren’t yesterday because we are trying to get it right and maybe wiser with more ability to get it right. Everyday we are reminded about our mistakes sometimes it is our own battle, and sometimes people remind us constantly.

I admit all my wrongs, I am not proud, and it makes me very sad about hurting those who meant the most to me during the process, but I’d never blame anyone else even when I could. Putting blame and making people feel sorry for you can be easier to deal with things but ultimately it is about us, our own self.

Love, understanding, acceptance is about respecting the person you love today and that is all. Why would anyone want to make someone they love feel terrible, when they know its all they have ever felt.

I’m thinking about the mother I feel today, and it isn’t easy because when they grow up, the only childhood memories that really stay on the forefront is those terrible times when we as the child, just wanted to fly away. It hurts on my heart and it will continue to hurt knowing my kids had those moments with me being their mother, protector.

The truth is we are mother’s, human beings, flawed, going through life, and trying to figure it out all at once. Some of us have learned to be a mother from our own, and tried to improve those things which hurt us as a child.

We as mothers want that same validation that children want from their parents and some of us won’t ever get it for numerous reasons.

Some of us children have been wanting that validation from a parent so long they as adults give it to the parent who they waited for, while forgetting the one who tried so hard to give them validation on the daily may need it too. We can’t give our children everything no matter how hard we try, we can only be an example. I am an imperfect example, flawed, completely kooky but I’m a mother who loves their child like no other.

I try to find strength, and that fake smile to get on by for my kids picking myself up again and again.

Love your mother for the person they are, not the person they were or you want them to be.

The more we concentrate on what we didn’t get or have only brings us down, leave it and say goodbye to that pain, it doesn’t own us!

I know my grandfather loves attention, he needs the validation often. My grandmother is the glue that binds our family and keeps my grandfather going on his own unique level, she loves and cares for us all. Her love and care is enough !

My grandfather, our family always recognizes him, feel sorry for his ailments and “baby the man” at times, well deserved. We don’t really do that for my grandmother, we see her as strong, happy, well, self sufficient… But just maybe, maybe she needs that validation at times more than my grandfather. I NEED to understand that and honor her for being the perfectly flawed mother, which isn’t always easy.

To my children, all those times I was busy at work, school, working on my degree, trying to save the world in my career, trying to find my way back up after getting lost, fighting my way out of my secret cave I’d put myself in to figure a way out, I am sorry if you felt left behind. Fathers go to work and do their bit and they are seen as doing what they have to, mothers are often not easily forgiven. I would sacrifice my time for you every time, and today!

“Behold, everyone who uses proverbs will use this proverb about you: ‘Like mother, like daughter.’” – Ezekiel 16:44