{3:00 minutes to read} Did you know that the words, listen and silent have the exact same letters? Let’s think about this for a moment: SILENT and LISTEN. How else are they connected?

Do you ever find that you are not getting anywhere when trying to resolve an issue with someone? One of the reasons could be that you have not been heard or you have not heard what the other person has to say. How can you resolve something when you don’t have a clear understanding of what is involved?

In discussions or conversations with family, work colleagues or friends where communication is key, we need to listen,and in order to listen attentively, you must be completely silent. This includes silencing your mind from other thoughts, and listening to understand, not listening to defend yourself or to accuse. Listening because your relationship depends upon it. This does not mean that you have to agree, it just means that you have to accept that the other person’s opinion may have some value.

There are some situations where listening is the best thing you can do: think about a time when a friend called to tell you about something that happened to him/her. They don’t really want advice, nor do they want your opinion. They just need you to listen. After they have had your ear and told you their story, they feel SOOO much better. You have been a good friend because you have listened without interrupting and without criticism. You have just been there, almost silent except for maybe an occasional sound of encouragement or empathy.

Listen actively. “Mirroring what someone said in your own words allows them to feel heard and to say whether you’re understanding each other,” says Jennifer Safian, a divorce mediator based in New York City.

While silence and listening seem to inspire passivity, they are in fact very powerful actions that you can use every day and everywhere to improve communication, resolve conflicts, heal broken relationships, provide support and encouragement in all aspects of your life.

Do you remember a time where being silent, listening and being heard were helpful to you? Please feel free to share your story in the box below.

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediatordivorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(212) 472-8626
info@safianmediation.com
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“Thank you Jennifer for guiding us through our mediation and divorce. I had no knowledge of what to do or expect. I was guilty of believing these myths. Thanks for a fightless, smooth agreement.”– Safian Mediation Client

“I wanted to thank you for being such a help in this situation. It might not seem like you’ve done much but just having you there in the room changed everything – really. I do understand that its not your job to take sides and that its important for you to remain impartial. I do wish it were possible to show you, though, how radically different that conversation was just because you were there listening.”– MB.

“I wish I had known that mediation even existed before we went and spent all that time and money on legal fees and got nowhere. Thank you for helping us work things out in such a short time.”– B.

“Thank you so much for your help through our separation. As difficult as it is, you have been such a calm and reassuring force.” – A.F.

“Jennifer Safian is a remarkable mediator. She is able to combine realism and compassion and she brings both to the mediation table. Her intelligent and thoughtful approach empowers parties to be the very best they can be when crafting a divorce agreement, focusing on the best interests of all involved including the children.”– Jenny Besch, Director, Mediation Center Serving Westchester & Rockland Counties

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Satisfaction For You Both

In mediation, you can be as creative as you wish to be. Only you know the specifics of your lives, what works for you and what does not. As your mediator, I’m there to help you “think outside of the box”, if necessary, sometimes coming up with non traditional answers, but answers that will satisfy not only your financial needs but your emotional needs as well.