A seasoned infertile rambling about the emotional roller coaster of trying to live with Primary Infertility,PCOS,and Male Factor Infertility.

Isaiah 40:31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Friday, March 13, 2009

Dodging Bullets

I've got some random thoughts I thought I'd share. Its easier than paragraphs, so here are the bullets...

The RE let me go. I can't believe it. I wasn't prepared for it. Its like leaving a safe haven. Guess thats why its taken me a couple days to write about it. They have spoiled me so much with 24 hour care and same day blood results. I know when I go to my OB in another two weeks, it won't be like that. I'll have to fight all over again for good healthcare. Makes me sad.

My last progesterone dropped from 24.1 to 14.4. I don't like that. They said it was OKAY and they were still pleased with me being on the yeastie-fied Endo MET rin and I'm still in the dilemma about switching back to Cr IN one and the whole in my blood stream thing. So both ENDO and CRIN aren't fully measurable in blood serum. But studies show, the levels are actually 6-10 times greater than in the serum where it needs to be, close to Sticky Bun. RE says she doesn't care either way. Nurse Practitioner and IVF Nurse Coordinator don't want me to switch. Lets just hope that there is only a few more weeks of this and my P4 continues to do well. Also, the subchorionic hemmorhage hasn't grown and although they will monitor it, the RE isn't "worried" about it. PHEW!

When the RE let me go, she said I had a 95% shot at a "take home baby". I am not sure how I feel about that statistic. Part of me is like 95%, WHOA thats awesome. But then the IFer in me is like 5%.... 5%..... I pray that God gives me peace about that 5% and I know who is in charge of that 95%.

Angel is being, well... an Angel. He brings me my decaff coffee in the morning while Im getting dressed. He is really taking care of me. I saw such excitement in his eyes when I showed him Sticky's pic from the last u/s that he wasn't able to attend. He wanted to know EVERYTHING about it. The joy is unimaginable for both of us.

I'm almost 9 weeks preggo, and NOW I start morning sickness. Yep, thats my whacko body for ya. I'll take it though, makes me feel like its more real. I am amazed at how I'm just not able to do the things I was doing just a few short weeks ago. I tire out SO EASILY. I guess gestating is hard work.

I'm coming to the realization that I'm not going to be one of those pretty little preggo girls with the pretty little tummys. OH NO. I'm going to look more like a beached whale. There is already more of me to love, but this is going to be OFF THE HOOK!

My father in law has a pond, he's been telling me how awesome the fishing is right now. Do you think its okay to bait my hook with worms and stuff right now? I CANT WAIT to get out there and go fishing. And you just can't fish unless you can bait your own hook! A friend of mine was telling me that I can't play in potting soil unless I wear gloves. Am I going to have to glove up to bait my hook? Do you think worm stuff is harmful?

Im so optimistic about the BFP's in blog-land. We have all prayed for good results, and its wonderful how we see this all coming to fruition. For those out there that are on their umpteenth treatment, all I can say is after 5 years and $50,000.... the answer is YES, its worth it. And even if that 5% becomes that 5%, I'm still so thankful to have this much joy. I'm finally allowing myself to be joyful, and it feels great!

Hollie, this post made me laugh and cringe! hahaha! I laughed because I am so happy for you and love that you are enjoying every second! I cringed because of the graduation from the RE and the 5%. BUT, I know it is going to be fine.

((BIG HUGS!!))

And thank you for the e-mail! I am having quite the doubling yeah? I am all nervous and jerky now though because it's been since Wednesday that they last took my blood. This is right around the time I m/c last time and I am on pins and needles and just hope that tomorrow I will see my baby at the u/s.

Our Family

Some day, Some how...

"Before there were more" came about as a title because on the infertility blogs I've read, they have ended up being parents some way (IVF,IUI,Donor Gametes, Adoption, Fostering, etc). I am so thankful to say, we have made it to the "other side". I never will forget how arduous the journey to get here was, and I will never forget my fellow IFers.