Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

(I’m French but have been working in Scotland for a few years. My accent is not as strong as the typical French one, but most people can guess where I’m from, especially Brits. Sometimes customers think I’m German. A rather drunk customer comes in.)

Customer:*reading my name tag* “How do you say your name?”

Me:*says my not very usual but definitely French name*

Customer: “So,where are you from?”

Me: “Try to guess!”

Customer: “Poland?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Estonia?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Lithuania?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Latvia?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: Russia?

Me: No

Customer: Republic Czech?

Me: No

Customer: “Poland?”

Me: “No, you already asked.”

Customer: “Oh right! Germany?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Dutch?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Romanian?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “You are from Eastern Europe right?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “Well, you look like it!”

(He keeps going and names almost every country in Europe, some twice, but none where people actually speaks French. The evening is slow so I don’t mind and it’s actually quite fun. Finally:)

(At the restaurant I work at all of the employees names are written on a wall. A little girl around the age of six and her dad walk in. While waiting for their food she is reading the names out loud and spots the name Jesus.)

Girl: “Daddy, look, they have Jesus working here! That’s so awesome. Now we don’t have to pray before this meal!”

(Jesus got a chuckle out of this as the dad quickly explained it is a name pronounced ‘hey-Zeus.’)

(I’m assisting an older customer trying to find some nice shrugs to cover her arms when she wears strappy dresses. I have found her a few and, for some reason, we have changed topic to women’s shapes.)

Me: “So, there are five general different shapes.”

Customer: “Five?”

Me: “Yup! Straight: where you’re equal measurements across the board, strawberry or top heavy: where your shoulders (or breasts) are the largest part of you, apple: where your waist is the biggest part, pear: where your hips are the widest and the hourglass: where your top is in proportion to your hips.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m a small hourglass as my shoulders are in line with my hips. You must be too!”

Me: “Oh no, I’m pear-shaped. My hips are easily the widest part of me; my top half is a lot narrower.”

Customer: “Oh… you look in proportion though. Oh! Probably because you have big boobs!”

Me: “Er… thanks. Anyway, was there anything else you were looking for?”