TheWulltoThink

Friday, November 29, 2013

Obligatory words of encouragement flood
through my various feeds, as expected from my friends and family. Naturally, not
all of them supported my choice, a few voices compelled to question my choice
to pursue such a difficult career. I answer as I always do – not everyone can
be a cog in the machine, not everyone is content to live their lives as a
series of inputs and outputs. If this upsets any of them, they don’t say. Or
maybe it doesn’t upset them at all.

I’ve studied for years now, read all the
material - even the less popular ones from the old age. Who knows what they
might try asking. Meta-questions are a certainty, supposedly to be sure that one
isn’t a simple robot designed to break the system. Then again, some say that trying
to break the system itself is part of the test. Some argue that this makes
cheating inherently impossible. Some say it does not. All these ‘somes’ are of
course, part of the established pool of rumors and half-truths, functioning
more like hints to a puzzle of some intricate game.

I’m not entirely sure why I chose this path,
or if ‘I’ actually chose it. Maybe it was the thought of independence, of freedom.
Maybe it was necessity, born from the laws of probability and all possible events.
Maybe I am just another cog in the machine, just a more abstract one. Maybe I
didn’t choose the path, and it was the path that chose me.

Who knows?

I want to find out.

When I graduate, I will know. I’ll be able
to put forth my doubts and theories and have them recognized as more than a sum
of nature and nurture, more than just a system developed to fulfill a need.

Friday, March 15, 2013

I feel like when it comes down to it, I was made as a witness. Not the hero, but the bard. Just watching, dispensing advice if I can, cheering silently as each of them climbs the great tree. Maybe its because I fear the spotlight and don't -want- to be the hero and assume responsibility. But then again, if no one acknowledges the struggles, who will?

"Yours will be the burden of memory."

A story seed? Perhaps. One that grows on another branch, and blooms with a different flower.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

He had a beard. A huge, fuzzy brown beard like a bird’s nest
hung sideways from his face. No head hair; and tiny gimlets for eyes. A large
coat, hunched, grey and fraying at the cuffs and collar, with huge knobby
fingers like potatoes stuck together at the joints. He was sniffing around the computer
clusters -literally sniffing- all suspicious-like, and it was a wonder campus security
hadn’t already marched in to throw him out.

He had this huge sack on him, fat and bulging, hung from his
side with a pair of old luggage straps. I watched from my nest in the sofa
cluster, hidden under my piles of crumpled scratch-work and musty old pillows
that smelt of fart; and would have thought it a dream if I hadn’t seen him,
days before, hanging around the library printers from my reading hole between
the shelves on the upper floor. Back then, I paid his actions no mind, but
today, frozen as I was under the papery weight of three-dimensional calculus, I
couldn’t help but study at his antics in careful detail.

Between the printer and wall is a small area of space that
serves as the purgatory of printed materials. Rather than entering the heaven
of a student’s subject folder or the wastepaper basket of hell, occasionally
print materials will slip –intentionally or otherwise- into the gap between. Misprinted
essays, double-printed articles and/or forgotten homework all coexisted there
in silent, dusty harmony until the inevitable spring cleaning where they would
be swept away to be judged at the incinerator.

With careful, tender care, the strange man reached into the
back of the wall with his knobby fingers, somehow fitting them into the thin
gap, and extracted one such piece of abandoned print from its ethereal prison.
Wrinkles were smoothened out, and corners flattened. For a minute or two he
stood there, brows creased as he studied the contents of the paper. On its back
I saw a tic-tac-toe puzzle. That too was surreptitiously analysed with as much
as attention as he gave the earlier paragraphs of font 12 text. Out from his
bag came a massive folder, a ring-binder hung with enough multi-coloured
bookmarks and strips to laminate a table, and with all the intention and demeanour
of a librarian sorting through a filing system he flicked through its pages,
finally settling on one marked with a purple, flowery tag, sliding the sheet
inside it with a satisfied grunt.

This process repeated itself about half a dozen times: once
with a series of half-printed assignments, another with an entire stack of
textbook pages. Each time, the man read the papers with frightening focus and
speed, occasionally nodding or letting out a low chuckle, each time ending with
him filing the document into one of his many specialized folders. Quietly I
watched him, not wanting to disturb this odd spectacle, until it came at last that
the sound of the cleaning staff vacuuming the floors drifted over from across
the hall.

With practiced ease the stranger stowed away his folders in
his bag, now ever so slightly thicker, and turned to regard the printer. With his
hands clasped together, the stranger seemed to be saying something to the
remaining papers still trapped in their dusty prison, but with the hum of the
vacuum growing ever-louder all I could hear was an odd, rustling noise, like
the wind over crisp pages, fresh and soft. That done, the stranger turned with
ceremonial grace away from the printer, and with unusual speed and silence bounded
off into the stairwell, leaving barely a trace of his passing. Only then did I
rustle from underneath my fort of crumpled, dead scribbling, wondering as the
hum of reality drifted back into the world if I had for a moment back there
imagined the answering rustle, let alone heard the cry of thoughts half-penned
but never to be.

Monday, January 21, 2013

At the start of each day, I wake up bright and happy. Mondays excluded of course. I go through the motions, eat, sleep, shit.Work work work. And then...? Not that I care too much about pondering the meaning of life, but sometimes things get kinda dreary. The people around me just make me wonder sometimes about how much of what we do is facade. Everytime I think of it, I just tell myself to not overthink things and get on with life. Despite this, I just can't help but wonder: what if I'm right?

Thursday, January 17, 2013

There seems to be this endless struggle between the desire for stability and the desire for change. Problem is that proponents of one will always lambast the other as either "close-minded" or "anarchist". What can you do?

I myself am personally more a supporter of stability, but that doesn't mean I can't understand the need for change and growth. Still, its never happening fast enough, even though sometimes it feels like its happening too fast.

Is a society that prefers stability, safety, and conformity any lesser than a society that goes for freedom, change and turmoil?

The sad bit is that like any other form of evolution, there is only one true test.