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"The face of the operation is Briatore (referred to exclusively in the film by his colleagues and angry, chanting detractors as "Flavio"), an anthropomorphic radish who spends most of his time at QPR plotting to fire all of the managers."

At press time, Harbaugh had sent Michigan’s athletic department an envelope containing a heavily annotated seating chart, a list of the 63,000 seat views he had found unsatisfactory, and a glowing 70-page report on section 25, row 12, seat 9, which he claimed is “exactly what the great sport of football is all about.”

[Note: I wasn’t in South Bend, so this was all transcribed from the video provided by the Athletic Department’s site.]

Opening remarks:

“Obviously Notre Dame played a very good football game and we didn’t. You’ve got to give them a lot of credit. A lot of credit to what they did on third downs, either defending us or their third down opportunities that they converted on.

“We’ve got to go back to work, and we will as a team. You don’t want to have four turnovers in a game. That doesn’t help you. The red zone, we didn’t help ourselves in there. From the penalty side, we put ourselves behind the sticks offensively. And again, you’ve got to give them a lot of the credit too. But we will bounce back because this is a very resilient, hard-working group of young men who know what it takes to win.”

After [Devin] Gardner started fairly quickly, I think six-for-six, and then did they bring more pressure, did your offensive line struggle; what fell apart?

“I think a little bit it’s never one guy, it’s never one piece of the offensive line, or the quarterback, or the routes, or whatever. When those things happen I think they happen as a team. He started six-for-six. I think we’ve got to give them- we crossed the fifty and they were going to bring more pressure. That’s what they did.”

Can you talk about Ray Taylor and any update on his status?

“I’m not going to talk about any of those injuries. Number one, I don’t know enough about them.”

And then Jabrill [Peppers], he dressed. Could he have played?

“If he could have played we would have played him. We evaluated all those guys before the game.”

And then you dressed him?

“Well, he went out because we were evaluating him before the game.”

You said you’re pretty confident this team will bounce back. How do they bounce back from such a- I mean, this was a pretty humbling loss here.

“Yeah, it is but I think they’ve all been humbled sometime in their life. It’s part of the resiliency this group has.”

Your guys were pretty adamant about how bad they wanted this because of this possibly being the last game. Were you surprised at how lopsided this ended up being?

“This game? Yeah.”

[After THE JUMP: Gardner is still the starter, why Countess was pulled, and bouncing back from adversity]

“You ready? Thanks for coming. We had a very good practice yesterday which sometimes that's unusual with the first day of school because they're in classes and they've been in the fall camp where they had a little bit more time but from that standpoint I thought we compete and they challenged. It's a big mental day. Tuesdays always are because of the game plan. We were pretty sharp in that respect. Got to be sharper today because of the improvement every day, Because that's going to be important to our team. We're excited about the opportunity Saturday. It's one of the great rivalries and it'll be fun and it'll be a great atmosphere and we look forward to it."

Will Desmond Morgan play?
”Well, you know, we are not going to talk about any injuries.”

So he is injured?
“I didn't say that, you did.”

Jake Butt it looks like was running around on the film and some of those clips they released. Is there a chance…
“We are not talking about injuries. That's a good job though. Appreciate it.”

In terms of that, you said earlier that his timetable was...
“He's done a nice job.”

Greg Mattison has talked about preparing for Everett Golson. Is there something you do differently on the scout team here to prepare for a guy who is a dual threat?
“Yeah. We've used wide receivers in the past. Joe Reynolds was great to use because he was a quarterback in high school, so we've done that with some of the guys. Brian Cleary runs very well and he's done a good job with it and Wilton [Speight], as big as he is and as tall as he is is really a good athlete so those two have given us good looks. We've, because of the first opponent, worked really hard on the zone read aspect of it. Again, you're going to play a really good athlete. We have to have 11 guys getting to the football.”

Do you feel like maybe a construction foreman now because you've laid a pretty good foundation so far? Talk about building this week on top of what you've laid.
“When we got done with the game on Saturday, graded the game on Saturday, looked at it, dissected it, there's so many areas where we want to play more flawless. I know the linebackers felt that they didn't play as well as they need to. I know up front defensively, the inside guys, as far as getting off blocks a little better, holding the point a little better. The precision in the passing game. We had a quarterback who was 13 of 14 but from a mechanical standpoint, a route running standpoint, protection was pretty good but we are going to see a lot of different things this week from Notre Dame. You got to just react, communicate, and play a lot better.”

What about accountability like that [Ed.- this is referencing a microphone going out and the A/V guy taking responsibility for it]? I'm sure it extends to your players as well.
“Well, there's no question. The commitment level and the accountability to each other and what this group has done since last January, you know, has really been at a high level and we want to make sure it stays that way. The intensity in the stress that we can continue to put on our players so that when you do go to a great venue and play a game, a place where it's going to be loud – they pipe in their own music, as we all know. It's right in back of us. It's a place where we've got to play with a lot of focus. Got to be locked into everything we are doing.”

Jabrill Peppers was held out of the second half to immediately receive treatment

Yet it was not classified as a boo-boo

Delano Hill, Graham Glasgow, and Peppers are all expected to be available against Notre Dame

Kyle Kalis’ back is fine

Hoke said Ray Taylor may have played his best game at Michigan against Appalachian State

Hoke took Devin Funchess off special teams. Funchess got mad, so Hoke put him back on

Hoke said there’s a plan for how to use Glasgow

All of the coaches mentioned a plan. Hoke said it’ll be a good one. No one cared to share what it was.

Opening Remarks:

“Number one, thanks for coming out. It was good to get the win last week. I think one thing was, part of that was that the crowd was into it. I think there was a lot of energy. The students, I know our guys feed off that so it was a great energy throughout the whole game. That always helps you as a football team.

“We need to build off of what we did on Saturday and continue to get better and improve offensively, defensively, and in the kicking game. Offensively, we have to be more precise in the precision in our passing game. That’s one thing that coming out that the offensive coaches and Doug [Nussmeier] really felt that the precision needed to be better. That’s mechanics, route running, the spacing that you need to have.

“The interior of the defensive front needs to be better. They got some yardage in there as far as through the middle of the defense. Some of it’s just fits, some of it’s not getting off blocks. That’s going to be a real emphasis and needs to be. And then winning the fourth quarter’s always huge and we didn’t do that as a team when you look at points in the fourth quarter. Those things we’ve got to do a better job. Turnover battle- we turned the one over, didn’t get any turnovers. You know, you don’t want to play football that way. You want to be on the plus side of that if you’ve got a chance to win so that being said those are things we need to do. We’ve moved to a new opponent, obviously. It’s one of the great rivalries in football and we’re excited about it.”

Can you talk about how the offensive line graded out on film and will we see any changes this week?

“Well, the guys up front all did some real good things and did some things they’ve got to do a better job of. We’ll have a plan for what we want to do this week.”

With Jabrill [Peppers], it didn’t look like he came out in the second half. What was the reason for that and this week are you going to limit him at all?

“He’s been in there all morning getting treatment. We haven’t started school yet. We decided- I made a decision at half time because they could start treating it right then not to come out in the second half. You know, [instead of being] in a boot on the sideline start the process of healing. So we’re excited and we’ll evaluate every day but he’s working hard to get better.”

You mentioned interior defense. Have you guys had a chance to look at Notre Dame’s running backs at all?

“Yeah. We started that yesterday, yeah. I think that they rushed the ball pretty well against Utah State. I think that have two backs that are a little bit similar and one that’s a bigger bruiser guy and they ran the ball pretty well.”

So with Jabrill would you say he’s a question mark for Saturday?

“I don’t think it’ll be a question mark. I think he’ll be ready to play.”

Did he go yesterday with you guys?

“No. no.”

You mentioned the offensive line. Where does Graham [Glasgow] settle in here?

Jabrill Peppers was held out of the second half by the coaches because of an ankle injury. He’ll play against Notre Dame

Devin Funchess asked to wear No. 1 and cleared the number change with the Kramer family

No word on what position Graham Glasgow might play

Hoke wasn’t happy about ASU being able to run up the middle of the defense and will make adjustments before Notre Dame

Dennis Norfleet's nickname is apparently Fleetwood

Brady Hoke "Well,..." count: 7

“Football’s geometry. It really is.”

Opening remarks:

"Good way to start the season. As I mentioned to you many times before, this team has worked really hard and they've done a nice job. I think the leadership throughout has been good. I thought we played hard. Was a little concerned in the second half when they had the opportunity and they were running the ball on us through the middle of our defense. We've got to do a better job there but I thought the kids came out and played hard. Disappointing [to have] no turnovers defensively and we only had one sack. They get the ball out of their hands pretty quick and that's just what they do but should've been a little more than that. Had some opportunities and you've got to make them when you're there."

Is there an area that you were more impressed with between the points scored, the performance of 560 total yards, or the fact that the rushing yards surpassed the passing yards?
"I think the biggest thing was that we weren't competing with the scoreboard, we were competing with our abilities. That's what we talked about going into the game in how we wanted to play and how we wanted to go about every down. Statistics are statistics, and you can look at them and believe them or you can look at them and know that that's not really the true answer because there's a lot of things this football team has to do better."

Jabrill Peppers' status?
"He'll be alright. I'll be honest with you, at halftime just decided not to bring him out the second half. It's not a life-[threatening] injury or anything. He'll be ready next week."

Talk about the decision to give Devin Funchess the number one and how he responded.
"You know, the young man asked me about it and I said it was fine and I said call a member of the Kramer family and that's what he did. Ron Kramer may have been the best player ever to play here, the best athlete ever to play here and so he talked to Kurt, his son, and Devin being more of a wide receiver now obviously, he decided that's what he wanted to do. And believe me, I asked him who's worn the number one and he started with Anthony Carter and went down the list so I think that's...he earned it."

How he played today?

"Well, let me look at his stats.
/pretends to look at stats packet but doesn't because he's Brady Hoke and statistics are lies
"He was a presence out there."

Talk about the importance of 100 yard rushers and [playing] winning football.
"Well, we want to run the ball and to have two 100-yard rushers is a good thing. We wanted that offensive line to play together. We talked about taking them out the series before the last touchdown but really they haven't played as much together. You know, Kalis missed some of camp. Getting him back in and playing with him and the combination with him and Joe [Burzynski]. Getting Mason [Cole] as many snaps [as possible], especially with a quality guard next to him, I think, was important. I thought Jack Miller did a really nice job with our offensive line. Between the communication I was very impressed with Jack and have been all camp. They did a good job. There was a sequence – a series, two series in the second quarter where we lost some yardage on a couple runs and that bothers me. I think we want perfection and that's good because high standards should be high. That bothered us.
"There were a lot of big runs in there. You watch Jehu [Chesson] block, you watch Darboh block, little Fleetwood block, I mean, those guys open up a lot of the big plays."

1. It can't get any worse, can it?

It can always, always get worse.

1A. But it's not likely to, right?

good night sweet prince [Heiko Yang]

No, it's not. Yes, even though Michigan lost both starting tackles to the NFL. It takes a special kind of panicked incompetence to end up with results like last year's Michigan. Al Borges's final D-I offense ran outside zone, then it ran power, and then it ran inside zone. It heaped all of the possible base plays you can run on an offensive line that had zero upperclassmen on the interior. It wasted essentially a month of practice time on the "tackle over" gimmick that was ruthlessly exposed by the first opponent that knew it was coming.

Michigan had 13 plays on which a tackle lined up next to another tackle. These plays were 11 runs that gained 8 yards (more than all of them on Toussaint's long run of the day, a 12-yarder), a seven-yard sack given up by Williams, and a scramble that gained eight yards. That is the product of three weeks of practice time and the futility there was only stopped by Lewan's injury.

Many of these plays could not be blocked by anybody, because Penn State was so aggressively overplaying run that they were in the gaps before Michigan could do anything about it.

Three guys for two blockers with the WLB meeting Bryant a yard in the backfield. If Kalis tries to pursue #40, the MLB, he blocks no one instead of an irrelevant guy. On second and one, a great PA down that a lot of DCs will just give you.

They got to the line of scrimmage with under ten seconds on the clock most of the time.

GET OUT OF THE HUDDLE.

Yes. In addition to all the things previously discussed, Michigan's offensive line is looking at Gardner with two seconds on the playclock. Michigan snaps it with zero already showing—probably not actually a penalty because there is a natural delay before the ump looks at the ball to see if it's still there—and slides their line against a four man rush with no tailback to pick up the DE:

That turnover is a tangible cost of Michigan's inability to get to the line with 20 seconds on the clock consistently.

It moved linemen around almost literally every game after the first four. It was dumb.

How did this happen to a guy who was rather successful at San Diego State? Panic strangled reason in multiple ways. Michigan is stuck on this picture of itself as its 1990s self, and Al Borges was openly contemptuous of the spread both in press conferences and off the record (not to me, but to multiple people who covered the program over the last few years).

So they played a tight end who couldn't block. I'm not talking about Devin Funchess, who was eventually thrust outside. I'm talking about AJ Williams, who had one catch for two yards a year ago and was no better at blocking than Funchess. They had to know this. It jumped off the screen to me, an amateur. But instead of doing something about it they just kept plugging along with him on the field, to the point where people trying to evaluate Taylor Lewan got frustrated:

…why in the HELL did Michigan keep a tight end to Lewan's side so damn much? He obviously didn't need the help. The quarterback was right-handed anyway (with bootlegs you like for the tight end to be lined up to the side of the quarterback's throwing hand), and they could have potentially had a wide receiver there instead of a tight end. It would've increased the chances of success on passing downs as well as run downs if you get the opposing defenses to spread themselves out. But is that what Michigan did?

HEEEEEELLLLLL NOOOOOOOO

Here is the scenario I saw time and time again. So you have a tight end helping before he goes out into his route. Lewan, who doesn't need the help any damn way, blocks the hell out of the edge rusher. But the rest of Lewan's buddies on the Michigan O-line aren't quite as, well, good as he is, so the quarterback is under pressure and ends up sacked.

I mean. This is a guy who said he "didn't want to get in a chess match" last year. They're playing chess anyway, man. If you want to try to win with checkers, you're gonna have a bad time. Yes, even if you've got 75 different colors. The full results were detailed after Borges's firing. It just did not work.

[After THE JUMP: Nussmeier the savior(?), offensive line the achilles heel, Gardner the legend(?), stupid predictions.]

"Okay, everybody ready? You ready? Thanks for coming. We have 72 hours until we kick it off. We’re excited about that and I think that’s something that every team in this country -- you've been practicing against each other, you've been doing things against each other. Our preparation has been good. I think there's a couple of things we are trying to teach every day are the good habits that you want from a fundamental and technique standpoint and so that's a goal for us. A goal for us [is] to play fast and play physical every Saturday with consistency.

“Yesterday we had to come inside which we didn't really want to, but that storm kind of came through and put us back inside but we had a good practice. We have continually, and Nuss[meier] has done this, done wet ball drills every week even when we've been outside so if we can get in those conditions, which we have a good chance to all the time in the fall. But mental errors, we had a little bit too many of those. We want to make sure we clean those up today but it was a good physical practice. We've got to clean up some areas though when you look at some of the mental errors on both sides of the ball."

Are all openers special no matter who the opponent is?"Yeah, I think anytime [because] you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Also, as you go out there you want to see what kind of team and where you're at. I think it's important that every week you get improvement from your team and so this will be a starting point obviously that we'll have this weekend."

Are Delano [Hill] and Jake [Butt] the only ones that you're still worried about from an injury standpoint? "Jake definitely will not play. Delano won't play. I think he'll be ready next week."

What's Drake Harris' status?"He won't play. He's back in practice now and he's missed a lot of football so there's a good chance he'll be a redshirt this year."

What's your timetable for naming captains for this game and how will you inform them? "Well, I'm going to meet with the seniors again and [the] leadership group and we’ll name them sometime before the game."

Maurice wasn't on the depth chart… "Maurice Hurst?" Yeah."He's on there. He's got a good chance of playing for us. It's just, how many guys do you want to list?"

Talk about what you plan to do with the rotation there. Is it going to be quite a bit?"Well, we're going to start with the guys who are out there, the guys who are first up on the list unless they absolutely don't practice like they need to. I'm assuming that won't happen. Then we'll really just take it how the game goes. There's a good chance that if you're looking at certain positions, especially the interior of our front, I think all those guys are going to play some football for us."