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Nuge: If You Lick ‘Em… Suck It?

Following a 5-4 Supreme
Court decision calling Washington,
D.C.’s 32-year-old ban on
owning handguns unconstitutional, classic rocker, carnivore and rifle-toter Ted
Nugent still couldn’t resist
shooting off his mouth. In a statement titled “A “Supreme”
Court? I Can Do Better,” the Nuge carped that anything less than complete,
unfettered access to firearms an outrage and only “asinine,”
“soul-dead,” “low-life scoundrels” would think otherwise.

It gets better–or worse.
From the bellicose statement:

“Keep-this means the gun is mine and you can’t
have it. This does not mean I will register it with a government agency. The
government works for “we the people,” not the other way around, regardless of
what Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Hitler, Mao Tse Tung, Pol Pot, Saddam
Hussein or Barack Hussein Obama or 4 supreme justices may try to tell
you.”

No matter your stance on the
issue, you have to wonder if Nuge is too stupid to know when he’s won.
Anyone with rudimentary counting skills and retaining at least five out of
their twenty digits can tell you that five beats four, game goes to Nuge, the
NRA and D.C. residents who wish to keep handguns in their homes. True, the
Antonin Scalia-written decision doesn’t affect the illegality of carrying
weapons outside the home, and the guns must still be registered with law
enforcement, but is he serious?

Going off half-cocked like
this is why it’s easy to see some gun enthusiasts–and even easier to view
weekend militia-men–as hopelessly bonkers. Here Nuge’s side
has managed to squash a big part of a gun control bill that stood for more than three decades, but because the
decision is a partial victory–not to mention a 5-4 squeaker, it’s
cause to crank up the dyspeptic rhetoric and air raid sirens? Even NRA
Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre realizes the significance–he’s
using the decision to mobilize efforts to strike down handgun bans in Chicago and San
Francisco. And even notoriously dim President
Bush sees it’s a good thing:

“As a longstanding
advocate of the rights of gun owners in America, I applaud the Supreme Court’s
historic decision today confirming what has always been clear in the
Constitution: the Second Amendment protects an individual right to keep and
bear firearms,” Bush said [in a statement].

Uncle Teddy seems to say, to
borrow from one of his album titles, that when he licks you, well,
why don’t you just suck it? (We’re pretty sure that infringes on our personal
freedom, Unkie.) Ain’t it all about compromise? Can we get a little tit
for rat-a-tat? That is, in light of your victory, can you shut yer yap for
a minute and, I dunno, pause to consider the significance of what has
transpired? (Yes, we are setting you up for the delicious irony of hearing you
cry about your 1st Amendment rights, you braying jackass. Hee-haw.)

For your entertainment, the
unabriged screed:

A “SUPREME” COURT? I CAN DO
BETTER

by Ted Nugent

It is glaringly obvious that a critical lesson in history 101 is
due in America, for it appears that not only does a lunatic fringe of
anti-freedom Americans dismiss our founding fathers’ clear declaration of
independence and succinct enumeration of our God-given individual rights, but
some Americans have the arrogance and audacity to question whether the right to
self-defense is indeed one of these individual rights. Dear God in heaven, who
could be this soulless? How about 4 out of the 9 so called “Supreme” justices
of the land. God help us all.

Who could be so asinine as to believe that a free man has no such
right to keep and bear arms for self-defense? What kind of low-life scoundrel
would know that courageous heroes of the U.S. Military would volunteer over and
over again to sacrifice and die for such self-evident truths, then turn around
and spit on their graves by discounting the very freedoms that these brave men
and women have died to protect?

Will these supreme legal scholars also affirm an individual right
to choose the religion of our individual choice? Do they authorize our
individual freedom of speech? Can you imagine? Them is fighting words my
friends, and the line drawn in the sand has never been more outrageous.

Recent USA Today and Gallup polls showed a whopping 73% of good
Americans know damn well that we are all created equal, and that we each have
an individual right to protect our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. What
kind of jackass doesn’t know this? Allow the guitar player to translate for the
soul-dead among us.

Keep-this
means the gun is mine and you can’t have it. This does not mean I will register
it with a government agency. The government works for “we the people,” not the
other way around, regardless of what Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Hitler, Mao
Tse Tung, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein or Barack Hussein Obama or 4 supreme justices
may try to tell you.

Bear-this
means I’ve got it right here, on me, either in my grasp or damn near. This does
not mean locked away in a safe, trigger-locked or stored at the local sporting
club.

Shall not be infringed-this of course is another way of saying Don’t tread on me, for we will not be your willing crime victims, subjects, servants or slaves, so
don’t even think about it.

When the evil King’s gangsters came to collect unfair taxes from
Americans, we tossed their tea into the drink. When they came to disarm us into
helplessness against their old world tyrannical ways, we met them at Concord Bridge and shot them dead till they quit
treading on us. Any questions children? I didn’t think so.

Corrupt men cannot be trusted, hence the right of “the people” to
choose the individual church of our choice, to speak our individual ideas
and beliefs, to have individual freedom from unwarranted searches and
seizures, and ultimately, to exercise our individual right to keep and
bear arms so that evildoers cannot do unto us that which we would not do unto
them. Get it? I would love to meet the human being who would argue these points
with us. We would be looking at a fascist, and of course fascists, by all
historical and empirical evidence, must be eliminated.

If you value the American Way, if you believe in the words and
spirit of the US Constitution and our sacred Bill of Rights, if you know in
your heart that you have the right, the duty, the spiritual obligation to
protect yourself and your loved ones from evil in all of its forms, then you
had best contact each and every one of your elected officials right away and let
them know that you know exactly what the Second Amendment says and stands for.
Remind them about the “shall not be infringed” clause.

It will not be the fault of the rotten anti-Americans out there
who don’t believe in individual rights that rape and pillage our Constitution,
it will be the fault of those who know better but failed to speak up. Now is
the time to fortify America,
and we better inform the Supreme Court just who truly is the “Supreme” Court of
America-We the people. Individual people with individual, God given rights. The
real America.
Live free or die.

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