E-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> with UNSUBSCRIBE in the body of your message. If you are using multiple or forwarded e-mail addresses, please specify the e-mail address which you originally used when subscribing, otherwise we may not be able to remove you from the mailing list.

(h) Which other animals also become giant-sized at the end of the show?

The answers are listed at the end of this newsletter.

2. BOFFO IDEAS

You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. E-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com> with your comments, ideas or suggestions - meanwhile these are the boffo ideas which our club has been working on this month:

GOODIES CONVENTION SURVEY

(Lisa Manekofsky)

In previous issues of the newsletter we've mentioned running a survey to gauge interest in a second Goodies convention. We've recently learned that there have been some technical problems with the survey website. If you've had any trouble submitting your response please feel free to email your feedback to kittenkon@yahoo.com.au; the questions are below. Due to the technical difficulties we're extending the response date to March 15th.

SURVEY QUESTIONS:

1. Which Australian capital city do you live in, or would you prefer the convention to be held?

2. If it is not held in your preferred city, would you be willing to travel to another city to attend the convention?

If yes, what is the maximum amount of money you would be willing to pay for accommodation in the host city?

3. What is the maximum amount of money you would be willing to pay for entry to the convention?

4. How many days do you believe the convention should go for, or would you be willing to attend?

5. Did you attend the original Kitten Kon in Melbourne in April, 2000?

If yes, what were the best and worst aspects of the convention and what do you believe could be improved?

6. Is there anything in particular you would like to see or get out of the convention, or are there any comments you wish to make?

There's still time to vote in the February poll which asks "What do you call a single member of The Goodies?" (we're curious to see how the "Goodie" vs. "Goody" debate comes out). You can vote on the current poll and read members' comments about it at http://www.goodiesruleok.com/poll.php

3. SPOTTED!!!

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen the Goodies recently, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

Tim and Graeme's interview from "In Conversation With..." will be repeated by BBC 7 on Sunday, 29 January at 11:00 (and repeated a few other times during the day). It'll then be available via Listen Again for the next 6 days. The show can be heard online at www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7 .

The following BBC7 webpage also contains further information about the show. http://www.bbc.co.uk/cgi-perl/whatson/prog_parse.cgi?FILENAME=20060129/20060129_1100_18112_39874_30&tmp=bbc7/whatson/programme.tmpl

In Conversation with Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden: Tim Brooke-Taylor and Graeme Garden reflect on their careers, recalling The Goodies and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. Episode 2 of 6. [Rptd today 8.00pm, Mon 3.00am]

AT HER MAJESTY'S PLEASURE

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 23rd January)

* "Pleasure at Her Majesty's", the 1976 Amnesty International comedy performance which includes an appearance by The Goodies, will be shown on Artsworld on Sunday, 29 January at 22:00.

R.I.P. THE MUSIC MASTER

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 31st January)

Henry McGee, who appeared in two Goodies episodes (as The Music Master in "The Stolen Musicians" and Nasty Person in "The Lost Island of Munga") has passed away. The following news items is from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4667190.stm :

Benny Hill star McGee dies at 77

Actor Henry McGee, famed for playing the stooge in the Benny Hill TV show, has died at the age of 77. He died on Saturday and had been battling Alzheimer's, his agent said. He spent the last six months of his life in a nursing home.

McGee played Hill's sidekick in the comedy sketch show for 20 years and also appeared alongside the Honey Monster in the Sugar Puffs commercials.

He became an actor after finishing his National Service in the Navy.

The actor was descended from a theatrical family dating back to an 18th Century actress, Kitty Clive.

"I couldn't understand why they did it," he once said. "I thought they must be barmy.

"They would be talking about it all the time and everything they were talking about was a disaster. It was the last thing I wanted to do."

The actor joked that his greatest claim to fame was that he was contracted to play for two weeks in The Mousetrap, giving him the distinction of being cast for the shortest time in the longest-running show.

He also carved out a film career with roles in The Italian Job, The Pink Panther, Carry on Emmanuelle and Holiday On The Buses.

His TV work included parts in Last Of The Summer Wine, Z Cars, Rising Damp, The Goodies, The Saint and The Avengers.

The actor also played the lead in television's Jimmy and the Desperate Woman. He appeared in No That's Me Over There with Ronnie Corbett and The Worker with Charlie Drake.

And his stage work included sharing the limelight with Terry Scott, Dick Emery, Eric Sykes, Tommy Cooper, Rod Hull and Jimmy Tarbuck.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T READ THE RADIO TIMES ...

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 7th February)

I ran across a RadioTimes webpage with a letter about "Return of the Goodies" http://www.radiotimes.com/content/features/letters/01/ I couldn't find a date on the page but assume this is from early January.

It says:

"TV Goodies

After seeing Return of the Goodies (30 December, BBC2), I would like to issue a plea to the BBC: please repeat all the old episodes immediately! I find it incredible that the BBC has been hoarding such a fabulous show for 25 years when there is such a dearth of family programmes on television. When one considers how much the shows must have cost to make, it's not a very good use of public money, as well as being a real shame.

Eleanor Dent

Cardiff"

The page also says

"RT Mail#

Want to get something off your chest? Have your say on all things related to TV and radio. Send your comments to radio.times@bbc.co.uk - all emails will be considered for RT Mail and Radio Times magazine's letters page."

4. 2001 AND A BIT

If you've sighted Tim, Bill or Graeme in a post-Goodies role, e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com> so that we can tell everyone where to spot a Goodie nowadays. Those of you seeking radio & tv alerts between issues of the C&G should consider signing up for the Goodies-L mailing list (more details available on the club website),as our crack (cracked?!) team of reporters attempt to post alerts as the information becomes available.

BILL SPOTTINGS

* BBC 2 is showing a new series of "Bill Oddie's How to Watch Wildlife" on Tuesdays at 20:00.

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 23rd January)

* "Stately Stoats", a 10 minute nature documentary narrated by Bill Oddie, is being repeated by BBC 2 on Weds, 25 January at 20:50.

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 23rd January)

* "Bill Oddie's Watership Down" will be shown by BBC 2 on Sunday, 29 Jan at 17:30. This 10 minute nature show "attempts to retrace the journey of the world-famous rabbits from the novel Watership Down as [Bill] tries to find out how much fact there is behind the fiction. The story is based on real places such as Newtown Common just outside Newbury, and Bill's journey across river, road and hillside reveals all." All together now - "BELLAMY!"

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 23rd January)

* 26 January 2006

IN ODDIE WE TRUST

WILDLIFE EXPERT VOTED ONE OF OUR MOST TRUSTWORTHY PEOPLE

By Tom Parry

ANIMAL-loving former Goodie Bill Oddie is trusted far more than the Queen, according to a poll out yesterday.

The 64-year-old bird expert and Spring Watch presenter finished fourth in the national "trust" survey - nine places higher than the monarch.

But ex-comedian Oddie was just one of several famous names associated with animals to score highly.

Naturalist Sir David Attenborough took top spot in the Readers' Digest poll of 5,000 adults - and Animal Hospital presenter Rolf Harris was third.

Newsreader Sir Trevor McDonald - second - and evergreen singer Sir Cliff Richard also made the top five out of the one hundred celebrities ranked. But people have less faith in our politicians with Tony Blair in 79th, five places ahead of his wife Cherie.

Blair's ex-advisor Peter Mandelson was the least trusted, while John Prescott and Big Brother MP George Galloway were also in the bottom ten.

England skipper David Beckham and his former Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson fared badly too.

Katherine Walker, editor of Reader's Digest, said: "The people we trust and distrust reveal what we like and dislike. That makes this poll a compelling snapshot of modern British opinion."

tom.parry@mirror.co.uk

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 27th January)

* "Secret Squirrels", a 10 minute nature documentary narrated by Bill Oddie, is being repeated by BBC 2 on Weds, 8 February at 20:50.

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 2nd February)

* "Bill Oddie Goes Wild" is being repeated on UKTV Style Gardens on various days and times the week of February 7-10. Please consult your local listings for details. That station will also be airing "The Best of Bill Oddie Goes Wild" on 10 February.

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 2nd February)

* "Bill Oddie - How To Watch Wildlife - Part 1" has been released on DVD in the UK. I believe this 2 disk includes the first 8 episodes of the series (the set has a running time of 240 minutes).

"How To Watch Wildlife - Part 2" is scheduled to be released on 6 March.

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 7th February)

GRAEME SPOTTINGS

* The following article comes from broadcastnow.co.uk

BBC America launches British comedy block

Dan Wootton

25 January 2006 07:59

BBC America is launching an off-peak block of British comedy to appeal to late night US viewers, including Channel 4's Bromwell High. The 13 x 30-minute show made by Hat Trick Productions and Decode Entertainment, will help launch the two hour "comedy zone" at 11pm on 23 March.

Sky One reality action series Ed vs. Spencer, which is made by Monkey Productions, will also feature alongside the second series of former BBC comedy Look Around You and Tiger Aspect comedy High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman. Repeats of the third series of BBC's sketch comedy show Little Britain will also become part of the block.

BBC America general manger Kathryn Mitchell said The Office meant the style of British comedy is now well established with US viewers.

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 7th February)

* The release date for the UK "Bromwell High" DVD has been pushed back 8 May.

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 13th February)

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE (ISIHAC) and

I'M SORRY I'LL READ THAT AGAIN (ISIRTA)

* BBC 7 airs old episodes of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" (with Tim and Graeme) and "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" (with all three Goodies) on Mondays; they are available via Listen Again for six days after broadcast. The shows can be heard worldwide via the internet from www.bbc.co.uk/bbc7

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 23rd January)

* The most recent BBC 7 newsletter asks for suggestions regarding shows to present in a three-hour block. I'd recommend that "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" fans write in to request that show; I don't think BBC 7 realizes how popular it is. Maybe if they do get a lot of requests they'll eventually try to track down some of the ISIRTA series that haven't been aired on BBC 7 yet.

Feedback to the BBC 7 newsletter should be sent to owner-bbc7@lists.bbc.co.uk

(Lisa Manekofsky – Goodies-l – 7th February)

5. COR!! COMIC SYNOPSIS

(by Linda Kay)

Issue 182

November 24th, 1973 No. 70

The British military certainly wasn't a taboo subject for the Goodies. Neither was cooking! But when the two combine you have a unique set up for a Cor!! comics entry which satisfies the soldiers ... but will it satisfy the reader as well?

Header: THE GOODIES HAVE A "CRACK" AT FRYING EGGS FOR THE ARMY!

We find The Goodies in their office (playing chutes and ladders, apparently) when an Army Sergeant-Major bursts in through the front door. Graeme jumps with fright, spilling his coffee, and Tim leaps to his feet and salutes.

SERGEANT-MAJOR: Atten-shun, Goodies! Stand by your beds!

The Goodies stand at attention as they listen to the Sergeant-Major explain his problem (his voice is so loud it is making Graeme and Tim's ties blow straight out!).

SERGEANT-MAJOR: I've got a company of hungry soldiers arriving back from manoeuvres, and it's your duty to provide them with a meal! They'll be here at 1600 hours!

After the Sergeant leaves the Goodies get right to work. Bill has donned a chef's hat and apron and Tim looks confused while Graeme struggles to pull an enormous frying pan from a closet.

TIM: It's all very well for him to give us orders, but how are we going to cope?

GRAEME: No problem! I always knew this giant frying pan would come in useful! I was saving it for the next *gold rush!*

Graeme sets aside the frying pan and brings out a cement mixer as Tim carries dozens of eggs and a dozen bottles of milk from the larder.

TIM: Like Mother Hubbard, our food cupboard is now bare, *sob!*

GRAEME: Never mind - it's all in a good cause! Make way for my cement mixer!

Bill and Graeme work to dump the eggs and milk into the cement mixer, which churns it all together as Tim adjusts the mixer.

GRAEME: That's it! We'll soon have the world's biggest omelette!

TIM: B-but how are we going to *cook* it?

TIM SOON FOUND OUT ...

The Goodies take the pan and cement mixer out to a construction yard where a couple of workmen are sitting beside a fire pot. They set the pan on the fire and Graeme uses a shovel to stir the omelette around inside as it cooks. The construction workers sit back and enjoy the aroma of the cooking eggs.

BILL: This'll save our gas bill! Ta!

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS: Sniff! Yummy! Drool!

Once the omelette is done on one side, there arises the question of how to turn it over . Tim and Bill are holding on to the handle of the pan while Graeme cheerfully runs up a ladder and leaps off toward the handle.

TIM: How do we turn it?

GRAEME: Easy! We *toss* it! Ready, steady,

Graeme lands roughly on the handle of the pan which flips the huge omelette high into the air. Bill ends up being used as the fulcrum, while Tim gets the handle flying up into his nose.

GRAEME: . . . GERONIMOO-OO!

Graeme stands with one foot on the handle of the pan (Bill has been forced down into the ground and is beneath the handle *and* Graeme's foot) and looks up into the sky. Tim is watching the frying pan itself in anticipation.

TIM: Strange - it hasn't come down yet!

GRAEME: Well, it was very light!

All three Goodies look up at the sky where they see the omelette flying away from them.

TIM: Too light! The wind's caught it!

They Goodies jump onto their trandem and ride after the wayward omelette.

GRAEME: Follow that omelette!

BILL: We don't have time to make anything else ... it's almost 1600 hours!

As the Goodies ride down the street they pass the home of a militarized old man whose yard looks like he's been preparing for World War III since World War II! He raises an antique rifle and fires at the huge omelette (as he does so his pants fall down).

OLD MAN: Gad! We're being invaded by *flying saucers!* I won't be found wanting when my country is in danger!

GRAEME: Hey! That's our omelette, you old nit!

The gunshot sails past the omelette without hitting it (although the shot does hit the tail end of a bird).

ONE OF THE GOODIES: He *missed!* Thank goodness!

But right behind the bird comes a Royal Air Force helicopter, and its blades are spinning right toward the unsuspecting omelette.

BILL: I can't watch!

The helicopter blades obliterate the omelette, sending egg flying in all directions and raining down all over the Goodies heads with a SPLOT!, SPLAT! and PLUFF!

BILL: Looks like everyone in Cortown is going to have egg on their faces - *urgh!*

This gives Graeme an idea.

GRAEME: On their faces! That's it! Play the "Pied Piper" to the soldiers - and I'll tell you where to bring them!

The Goodies are on their trandem again and heading back to their offices where the soldiers are waiting. They can hear a loud rumble around the corner.

TIM: Is that them marching?

GRAEME: No! That's all their tummies rumbling!

Graeme stays at the far end of the street as Tim and Bill approach the soldiers. Tim commands them in true militaristic fashion.

TIM: On the word of command, you will face left and open your mouths!

Graeme has approached the open window of a bakery and begins jeering and mocking the bakers inside.

GRAEME: Yah! Can't bake for tuppence! Rasp!

BAKER: *Cheek!* Sauce!

As the soldiers march by and face left the bakers are hurling pies, donuts and other baked goods at Graeme, who is on the other side of them, so the baked goods fly into the passing soldier's mouths.

TIM: FACE LEFT!

BILL: On target!

GRAEME: See - feeding the army is a piece of cake!

Sign-Off Line: The Goodies Will Be On Target Again Next Week!

RATING (using the BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM):

III - Goody goody yum yum.

Okay, now this comic really is a lot of fun and most importantly you could actually see the Goodies attempting something like this in one of their episodes! While they might not normally be so enthusiastic about helping the military, this task of simply feeding some hungry soldiers is believable. Brought into play are some wacky items (a giant frying pan) and the use of normal, everyday items in a very unusual way (the cement mixer to mix the omelette and a shovel to stir it). Also the idea of a giant omelette flying over Cortown is pretty inventive.

There are also a number of smaller site gags to note. Tim and Graeme's ties flying in the breeze of the Sergeant-Major's bellowing is quite funny. When Graeme produces the cement mixer, Bill's chef's hat jumps up off his head in surprise. Tim has also apparently dropped one of the eggs inside the larder. The workers at the construction site are characteristically sitting back and doing nothing really.

The entire omelette flipping scene is extremely humorous and cartoonish! The omelette's flight is handled well and the amount of militaristic stuff in the old man's yard really lets you know his character in one quick panel! And who doesn't want to see a giant omelette thrown into a million directions by a helicopter's blades?

When the Goodies hear the rumbling of the soldier's tummies around the corner they aren't the only ones. A woman and little boy with a teddy bear cower in fear as the building next to them shakes, its chimney crumbling and windows shattering. And it's fairly amazing how well the soldiers catch the donuts in their mouths, while Graeme is pelted with what looks like a particularly hard scone.

All in all this comic really delivers. There aren't a lot of puns or verbal jokes but what few there are work very well. And visually it's just a treat for the eye and really takes advantage of a situation which would be hard to recreate in real life ... not that the Goodies themselves wouldn't have tried it at some point!

To view these strips online, you can visit this page:

http://members.aol.com/corcomics

We'll post the currently reviewed issue plus the two previous issues for latecomers.

6. 'BROADEN YOUR MIND' SYNOPSIS

"BROADEN YOUR MIND" - SERIES 1 PROGRAMME 4

(c) Andrew Pixley 2005

INTRODUCTION: Before the Goodies set up their office in 1970, the working title for the series was originally "Narrow Your Mind" since the new programme was proposed as a spin-off from "Broaden Your Mind", a BBC2 sketch show starring Tim and Graeme with songs from Bill which had run in 1968 and 1969. We're now over half-way through the first season, so here's the fourth show of Tim and Graeme's attempts to Broaden Your Mind ...

"Do you know where wasps go in the winter time?" A man shakes his head ...and then gets stung.

"Do you know why so few baby ostriches survive?" Every time an egg is laid, it falls so far because of the bird's long legs that it breaks.

"Do you know how Sir Isaac Newton discovered the laws of gravity?" Newton is sitting looking up at an apple on the tree above him when his chair collapses.

"Well now's your chance to learn as you Broaden Your Mind"

Tim and Graeme introduce their adult education programme, and Tim again falls out of the collapsible chair. They are disappointed by the standard of answers sent in by the viewers so far in response to their tests. They tell Edith Pritchet of Halifax that her answer was wrong. When Caeser arrived in Britain, he didn't say "I came, I saw, I conquered"; he said "Veni. Vidi. Vici" which translates as "Kiss me, Hardy". Since the answers are so bad, anybody who sends in shoddy work in future will get a visit from Mr Blackthorne, an executioner (Nick McArdle). With the warning over, Tim says they will start with History.

HISTORY: A shot of the Bayeaux Tapestry fades to an expert (Jo Kendall) who says that England has a fine history of military achievement, often aided by their allies. Essential to the British fighting man are the officers behind him - often a long way behind him in the briefing room.

Group Captain Head (Tim) welcomes the new RAF crews in a wartime briefing room. They are to be trained to fly B57 bombers - but as "Jerry" is on their tail at the moment, he wants them to take their planes up now and he promises that they will receive their training later. "From our point of view, it's a jolly good way of weeding out the duds," he explains. Head asks if anyone has flown a B57 before? There is no response. A B12? Nothing. A B9? Has anyone flown before? Can anyone drive? The man who does raise his hand at this query is made flight lieutenant and the men are arranged into crews of three. The RAF aim to have the radios in the planes by next week, but for the time being the man are advised that they'll have to use the telephone instead and so will need lots of spare change.

Wing Commander Springboard (Graeme) then tells the men about the bombs they'll be dropping which are about the size of a man: "So before you drop the bomb, make sure they're bombs." As they are short of bombs, they should also take broken bottles, rotten fruit and cold water with them. It's a surprise raid, so when they get near enemy territory they should keep their voices down. Wing Commander Sadcase (Nick) tells them that tonight they will bomb Frankfurt. The officers aren't sure where this is, but have some rather old maps for the crews: "You fly over Gaul and you drop the bombs just north of the Holy Roman Empire". They synchronise watches: "In exactly ten seconds from now ... it will be a few minutes past seven," says Head.

SOCIOLOGY: Shots of rooftops fade to the Scots expert (Nick) who talks about attitudes to food and drink.

A wife (Jo) tells her husband (Graeme) that they are eating Chinese tonight as she places a wrapped takeaway on the table. When the packaging is unwrapped, inside is a Chinaman (Basil Tang) who winks at them.

The expert says that the country is more food conscious, and people are now eating out on any excuse whatsoever.

A royal official (Nick) announces the Queen.

The expert says that the modern British connoisseur can really claim to know what he's talking about.

A wine expert (Tim) is able to identify from a single taste the vineyard, its location, the man who picked the graps, the man's clothes, and the fact that the man has laced the wine with poison ... at which point he dies.

The expert says there is also the "Meals on Wheels" service. Three people (Tim, Jo and Nick) try to eat their dinner on the back of a "Meals on Wheels" van. However, the expert says that nothing beats home cooking.

There is a ring at the door of Mr and Mrs Robinson (Graeme and Jo) of 14 Disraeli Crescent, Dagenham. It is a group of four Frenchmen, whose spokesman (Tim) explains that they have come to sample their food as they are listed in the Good Food Guide: "English Provincial Cuisine At Its Very Best" with the bread and butter pudding highly recommended. As Mrs Robinson goes to cook, more gourmets arrive, and she decides to ask Mrs Patterson to give them a hand as an American (Nick) makes his order. While Mr Robinson looks for the wine list, a third party arrives comprising orientals and he has to tell their leader (Basil) that they are full; the first oriental says they will sit on the floor. The Archbishop of Canterbury (Marty Feldman) arrives with a sexy girl looking for a quiet corner table. Mr Robinson then takes a phone call and tells his wife that "She" is coming. "She" will have to eat in the kitchen. Mrs Robinson then announces cabaret time, and a line of four dancing girls come on.

Graeme and Tim check on the viewers' progress. They have had a letter from Mr Grice asking if a dog whistle is so highly pitched it cannot be heard by the human ear. Tim has such a whistle which he blows - it sounds like a ship's foghorn. "To a dog, that can sound as loud as a ship's foghorn," he explains. The duo then ask for charitable donations of a piece of string; if all the string used in Britain in a year was tied together it would reach the moon. So, send string to the British Lunar Project.

Tim then introduces Egyptology.

EGYPTOLOGY: A shot of the pyramids fades to the study of Teddy (Graeme) and Freddy (Tim). Professor Frederick Pottermore and Sir Edward "Stepladder" Winwood ("Why do you call me 'Stepladder' Freddy?" "'Cus you're always getting up to something Teddy.") talk about Egyptology ... which they don't know anything about. Freddy suggests doing physiometry instead, but he doesn't know anything about that either. In the end, Freddy suggests telling a joke. "I say, I say. My wife has just gone to the West Indies." "I didn't know you were married Freddy." "No, I'm not am I?" Freddy thinks again and dons a red nose to show that he is the funny man. Teddy will have to be the straight man. "You don't look very straight to me." "It's the best I can do in these trousers." Freddy's joke is "Can you tell me the difference between an egg, a carpet and a bit of crumpet." Teddy doesn't think this is at all funny, and Freddy has to explain how he should respond. "You can beat an egg ..." starts Freddy, but Teddy says he can't. "You can beat a carpet, but you can't beat a bit of crumpet." "What do I say now?" asks Teddy who cannot understand why somebody should want to beat a poor little piece of crumpet. Assuming that the joke must be wrong, they look for other more logical answers. "You can eat an egg ..." doesn't work. "You can lay an egg, you can lay a carpet ..." seems to work. Teddy asks Freddy if he has heard about the commercial traveller on an island with three nuns and a goat ... this is a story which was in the paper that morning. The pair decided that this is all they're doing about Egyptology for this week and they sign off, as Freddy points out "You can whip an egg ..."

CRIME: An expert (Tim) discusses the Cinema asking if such art should be censored. In Britain, the public is protected by the censors.

A censor (Graeme) sees a disgusting bathroom scene, demands it is cut out of the film, and says that he will take it home with him.

The expert explains that a film can be kept complete by discreet dubbing, and an example is shown from the Swedish film, "Barely Living".

Undubbed, the film is set on a stormy night where Franz (Graeme) arrives at Helga's (Jo) house, grasps her and starts to ravish her on the bed.

As the expert says, no British audience could possibly understand what was going on in this scene, but it is made acceptable by dubbing.

The same film has now been redubbed with very respectable English voices. Franz has popped by to tell Helga that she has a light in her window. "Let me put my arms around you," he asks. "What for?" "Just to see if they'll reach. Oh they do. Good." "Whoops. I've fallen on the bed," says Helga. "Oh how clumsy you are. Here, let me help you up. Whoops. Oh how clumsy I am. I have fallen on the bed as well." "What a small world it is Franz," agrees Helga's voice (totally at odds with the visuals) as she continues, "Oh bother. My liberty bodice has come undone." "Here, let me do it up for you. Oh, now it's come off altogether. What a nuisance for you." Husband Joseph arrives with gun and fires, shooting Franz. "Luckily the bullet missed me," says Franz's voice as he dies, "but I think I'll have a lie down".

The expert explains that this is how British cinema is kept so boring. The latest musical to hit London is "The Sound of Monks" with Eamonn and Julie Andrews which opened last Tuesday for a record seven year run. A scene is shown from this as the plain clothes nun, Theresa (Jo), calms everyone while in crisis as Brother Louie (Bill Oddie) sings "Antibellumlaudedaturarmamutarom". This simple song turns into a big dancer number complete with dancing nuns.

Graeme and Tim set the questions for viewers to send in the correct answers. Graeme shows some film of Arthur (Tim) who sets off from London at 5 mph. A train sets off from Liverpool at 90 mph. Who reaches London first? Tim sets a literary puzzle; the viewers must identify a quotation which is clearly from Hamlet. "That is the question. Goodnight."

BACKGROUND NOTES: Although broadcast as the fourth show of the run, it was in fact the fifth edition of "Broaden Your Mind" to be made (the second episode was held back for later in the transmission sequence).

Some of the material for the show was again drawn from "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again". Graeme's redubbing of a sexy imported film had turned up very recently in Series 5 Programme 13 (23 June 1968); the censor quickie featuring Graeme also came from the same programme. The latest Teddy and Freddy sketch also had its roots in an item from Series 3 Programme 9 (28 November 1966) in which two academic listeners, Sir Timothy Trim Candle (Tim) and Professor Edward Smith (David Hatch), joined the show in an attempt to deliver a knock-knock joke and to display cutting edge humour, but in their dithering kept destroying the punchline. The joke about the egg, carpet and bit of crumpet was one which had originally been banned from use on stage by the Lord Chamberlain, and which Tim has used in one of his "Cambridge Circus" routines. The foghorn gag had also recently originated in "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" (Series 5 Programme 5; 12 May 1968) where David Hatch had performed it at the start of the show.

The "RAF Sketch" was written by John Cleese with an uncredited Tony Hendra and had appeared in "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" (Series 1 Programme 1; 4 October 1965) in which Bill had been Squadron Leader Hancock, David Hatch had played Wing Commander Springboard and Tim had been Wing Commander Sadcake. Bill's contribution to the show was "Antibellumlaudedaturarmamutarom", a quite brilliant parody of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious", a song from the musical "Mary Poppins" which had starred Julie Andrews, giving a link to the nunnery setting of "The Sound of Music". This had also previously appeared on "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" (Series 3 Programme 7, 14 November 1966). The quickie item about the Queen being announced was a very late addition to the show and did not appear in the camera script. Eric Idle contributed to the "Food and Drink" section of the programme, as did Michael Palin and Terry Jones

Pre-filming on the episode began on 27 August, with the main film sequence of the dubbed sex film performed on 3 September. Other filmed items included the opening film, the closing poser about the man leaving London, and the Chinese takeaway and Meals on Wheels gags. British Transport supplied some 35mm of a train for Graeme's closing poser for the audience.

The programme was recorded in Studio 6 at Television Centre on 14 September. The piece with Graeme and Tim checking on viewers' progress mid-way through the show was pre-recorded between 2.30pm and 3pm. John Junkin did the warm-up for the main recording from 8.30pm to 9.30pm that evening. Marty Feldman, Tim's colleague from "At Last The 1948 Show" and "It's Marty", made a very brief appearance in the guise of a dodgy bishop (who had turned up on Marty's own show) while also in the cast was Basil Tang. The recording also saw the appearance of four dancers for the musical item in the form of Lillian Batten, Samantha Sawyer, Sue Lake and Gillian Elvins, with Barbara Moore providing eleven singers as backing for the number. The extras in the "home cooking" sketch included Mary Elliott, Christine Cleall, Lindsay Scott, Helena Clayton, Robin Dawson, K T Choong and K C Shaw. Most notably though, Bill Oddie also took part in the studio recording for the episode, making this the first time that all three of the future Goodies had appeared together on a television programme. In addition to the specially composed music for the show, Dave Lee and his orchestra also played "Fine and Dandy" by L Swift.

In the finished show, the audience reacted enormously well to the brief "Meals on Wheels" gag. Teddy and Freddy also went down very well, but the biggest response was to Bill's very enjoyable and visual musical number at the end of the show. The show was broadcast at 8.50pm on 18 November 1968 on BBC2; the "Radio Times" listing also included a credit for additional material for Bob Block who was uncredited on the show itself. The programme was seen by 0.9 million viewers - a slight drop on the previous edition - but achieved a reaction index score of 61, the highest for the series so far.

7. A BIRTHDAY TREAT

Our favourite loony scientist, Graeme Garden, celebrates his 63rd birthday on February 18th, so here's a fine poetic tribute for this happy occasion which has been penned by fan club member Karen Upton (aka Bondgirl):

A birthday wish to Graeme Garden

By Bondgirl

Goody goody yum yum

Come on gang and shake your bum.

It time to shout and lark about

For Graeboots’ birthday has come about.

We raise our glasses and give a cheer

As we toast and drink and giggle and leer

For our much loved Looney, a goodie to the end

Dr David Graeme Garden best wishes we do send.

To list your achievements of this we will try

But as we remember we laugh till we cry

Ours sides they do ache our grins we do bare

As lone scout plus one in short pants, oh you lair!

You’ve done adverts and stage plays, written a good book or two.

You’ve done radio and television to name but a few.

But what we love best of this you’ll agree

Our much loved Goodies of which there were three.

You’ve married your computer, we’ve have seen you go mad

In Super Chaps Three you’re a great little lad

From piracy to movies, giant kitten, poofy cod

Our funny bone it did tickle although somewhat odd.

Your razor sharp humour is always on cue

We laugh ourselves silly in “I haven’t a clue”

Your cunning and wile makes all of us smile

Let’s hope it keeps going on for quite awhile.

To say that we’re fans of yours would be true

And so we do celebrate by sharing a few

So here’s to you Graeme you make us all proud

We love you Old Fuzzy Chops yells a voice from the crowd

We’re thinking of you and wishing you well

Here’s hoping your birthday is going real swell

Happy Birthday Dear Graeme close your eyes make a wish

Happy Birthday Dear Graeme and here’s a big kiss.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAEME GARDEN

8. QUIZ & QUOTE ANSWERS

(a) Graeme Garden

(b) The Goodies' letter applying for a radio station licence

(c) Radio Goodies

(d) Bunter the guinea pig

(e) Home to his mother

(f) "Four ruddy days!"

(g) Michael Aspel

(h) Mice

YOUR SCORE:

8 Goodies fan supreme

7 Mastermind of the year

5-6 Clever clogs

3-4 Reasonably Goodie

1-2 Thick as old boots

0 Rolf Harris!

NEXT C&G EDITION:

- #124: 12th March 2006.

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The Goodies Fan Club Clarion and Globe is copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 2006. All rights reserved.

Permission to reproduce this work or any section of it, in any form must first be obtained from the copyright holders.

For further information regarding this publication please e-mail <clarion@goodiesruleok.com>.

For other general enquiries about the 'Goodies Rule - OK' fan club or 'The Goodies' itself, please e-mail <enquiries@goodiesruleok.com>

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