Professor Phinaeus Maryweather's Lyrical Lollapalooza

Greetings, denizens of the etherial telegraphy forum (or, to use the colloquialism, bloggers)

I am Professor Phinaeus Maryweather, musical pedagogue and 19th-century dandy. For your amusement, I shall endeavor to present the lyrical content of popular musical compositions in my own Elizabethan idiom, and challenge each of you to translate them back into their base English.