The French Government has introduced strict laws banning the use of a Burkini on any French beaches, claiming, “Islam should not to control how women dress. That’s our responsibility.”

The French President firmly stated, “The Burkini represents a war against the freedom of our country.” The heavy criminal charges that aim to free women are yet to be discussed publicly.

Even harsher laws are to be released late this month, which by law will require all French Muslims attending the beach to “Sunbake topless, smoke cigarettes and drink wine while making snarky comments towards the complete lack of style of German tourists.”

“Back in the nineties Germans and Swedish used to be laughed right off the beach, now that was freedom.”