‚ÄúThe townhouse has become the ‚Äėit‚Äô thing to have,‚ÄĚ said Catherine Witherwax of Douglas Elliman. ‚ÄúThe townhouse is a Brooklyn thing. And the Brooklyn scene is very foodie focused. There are less restaurant options in DUMBO. DUMBO is more isolated.‚ÄĚ

“More isolated” being code for “there is no decent, reasonably priced place to eat lunch, ever. It’s a total nightmare.” Except, however, for Front Street Pizza, a true oasis among $14 sandwiches and silly cupcake trucks. Wisely, the Daily News interviewed Front Street’s manager, Larry Leonardi, who defended the neighborhood’s desirability.

“There are a lot of families in DUMBO,” Leonardi told the paper. “DUMBO is real hot.” There are drawbacks, though. Namely, the neighborhood’s status as a likely flood zone. “Soon you will need a canoe to get around here,” he added. Oh, Larry. Never change. You, your pizza, and your establishment, are so, so perfect as you are.

Anyway, the median sales price of a place in Boerum Hill is now $950,000, compared to $869,256 in DUMBO. Do with that preposterous information what you will.