Archive for How To Get Him To Propose

It is a strange thing to us guys when the women in our lives make random observations. “Isn’t that a lovely dress?” “Wow, I didn’t know it was so cheap to rent a horse drawn carriage!” “Fall is just the prettiest time of year. I think it is just so photogenic.” “Did you know that flowers are cheaper if you buy them direct?” They come out of no-where and just hang in the air waiting for a response that we can’t fathom.

Most guys will meet these kinds of comments with a mix of vague interest and mild confusion. Those are all fascinating insights, but we have no idea what they mean. Oftentimes they are those most insidious of feminine devices: hints. What the girl in question wants to do is get her man thinking: dresses – carriages – photographs – flowers, and then join the dots to come up with a marriage proposal. What will actually happen is he will mumble “Oh, yeah…” and then continue to ponder his team’s choices in the draft.

If you are hoping to get your man to start thinking about marriage, tell him so. It sounds simple, but it’s guys we are dealing with here and simple is good. Hints, by and large, don’t work. They are either too subtle to get noticed or too passive-aggressive to get taken the way you want. If you keep leaving Bride and Groom magazine on the coffee table, he is not going to go shopping for a ring. He will just have more trouble finding the TV remote. If you wanted him to consider popping the question, then let him know a little more honestly. Some would argue that this introduces ‘pressure’ which guys will resent but it depends how you do it. In reality, hints usually create more pressure because the unspoken expectation that we will decipher them creates friction. Talking to him is just more direct. If you can gently tell him that you want to start thinking about marriage, then he will at least know what the playing field is. If that is a little too scary, then give him a heads-up as a precursor to the conversation. If you are admiring a dress, tell him so but then let him know that it is the sort of dress you would like to wear someday. Soon. For him. This Fall, preferably. As hints go it’s pretty awful, but it will be a conversation starter and from there you can make your hopes and expectations known in a way that he will both be able to grasp and do something with.

Guys generally aren’t opposed to thinking through these things; oftentimes we just don’t know that we’re supposed to be. So rather than exhaust yourself and frustrate him with endless cryptic hints, just try talking. Be honest, be gentle but be direct. And then start looking at dresses. Learn how to talk with your boyfriend about marriage

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly

=================================

Paul’s Thoughts

Don’t put the horse before the carriage. Every time you give a guy a hint, you are putting marriage before you have even talked about it. Most times a guy won’t pick up on what you mean by the hint. He won’t understand that you want to get married, he will just see it as you wanting things like flowers, a nice dress, jewelry. Then he will just end up resenting you because you are constantly talking about things you want him to get for you.

You must always remember communication is not about what you mean, it is about how the other person understood you. With that said having a talk with your boyfriend about wanting to get married is difficult because you don’t want him to misinterpret what you say. At the same time you want to be able to make sure that you are making it clear that you want to get married and preferably in the near future. Not 10 years from now, when he finally decides he might feel like it. Learn how to talk with your boyfriend about marriage

Valentine’s Day has come. A day when a couple is supposed to go that extra mile to show their partner how much you love them. What way would show you that your partner loves you and cares for you more then anything else, then to have him propose marriage on Valentine’s Day. It’s true some people might find it a proposal cliche, but if a woman has been waiting years for a proposal this could be the ultimate show of love.

What happens when another Valentine’s Day comes around and the woman receives another bouquet of roses, some cheap chocolates and a hallmark card. She might become a little frustrated, bitter, resentful or angry. Maybe she might become a bit of all. Who can blame her, after being so patient and perhaps putting in so much more thought into her Valentine’s gift then he did. To go another year without a proposal can drive a woman mad.

Before you go mad and start yelling at him, first consider this:

You Can Not Blame Him For Your Feelings

All your feelings come from you. He can not make you upset, you make yourself upset. You become upset because he didn’t do what you wanted him to do. Just because you may have wanted him to propose on Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean he will. To become angry about that is like becoming angry that the world does not spin in the direction you want.

If you start yelling and screaming at him because he didn’t propose not only will you ruin your Valentine’s Day, you are going to scare him off from ever wanting to propose to you. Men don’t see that you are upset about not being proposed too, they see that the subject of marriage gets you upset. What do they do in the future, just avoid any subject or idea of marriage because it will just get you upset.

What Kind Of Gift Did You Give Him

Men want and need romance just like women do. If you want your man to know you love him and you want to get married, then you have to show him. Many of Valentine’s Day have men creating elaborate dates, but receiving nothing in return. Men get two messages from that:

1) His entire relationship is probably going to be him putting in effort and receiving nothing back. What man wants to be with a selfish woman?

2) She probably doesn’t care that much. Why would a man propose to a woman that doesn’t care?

Other Valentine’s see a man receiving flowers, chocolates and mixed tapes with different love songs. Men are not women, we need to be romanced in different ways. Giving your boyfriend, flowers and love songs for Valentine’s just shows him that you don’t really know him. Again a man will not propose to a woman that doesn’t know him.

If Your Boyfriend Gives You Nothing

Before you get upset, take some time to calm down. Then sit down with him and in a very calm manner explain to him why you like to celebrate Valentine’s Day and why it upset you that he did not think of you on such a special day. Explain to him your feelings, don’t blame him for them.

When a man receives the type of love and affection that he craves and needs in a relationship that is what will help to speed up his decision to propose. This may not cause him to propose on Valentine’s Day, but it will get his mind focused on that goal. If you want to learn how to convince your boyfriend to propose go here ===>How To Get Him To Propose

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

paulwrigth@decodingmen.com

P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail your
friends and let them know about it. Thanks!

P.P.S. If you would like to have a Question answered or would
just like to send a Comment, please:

1) Tell us what’s working for you before you ask your question.
This helps other people to see what’s working, so please be
specific.

2) Be specific when you ask your question.

3) At the end of the email, give us your initials and tell us where
you’re from.

We have all seen it, very few men are eager to walk down the aisle. I’m sure you have thought to yourself or talked to many of your girlfriends about it. Why is it that men are so hesitant to commit to marriage? Why do men always seem like they want to wait when it comes to marriage?

There are a couple of reasons why most men are not overly eager to jump on the marriage train.

1) Everybody Man Or Women Wants To Marry The Best Person They Can

It is human nature to find the best (genetically strongest) partner you can. Women do this and men are no different. Men want to marry the best woman they can. They never know when they might run into her. In fact that super model, who makes lots of money, loves to cook and take care of her man and just so happens to love short funny looking men, might coming walking around that corner any minute. If the man is married, he will miss that chance.

It may seem silly to you, but in the back of every man’s mind is the possibility that something better could be just around the corner.

2) A Man’s Stock Goes Up As He Gets Older

There are a few things that most women value in men and that is stability, security, maturity and confidence. Young men do not have any of these qualities. For the most part when it comes to attracting women many younger men are ignored. All young men know, that their value to women will increase as they get older. As they get a more stable job, start making more money, have a place to live and establish themselves more in life.

If these theories hold true from the man’s point of view, then he is better off waiting. There is no need for a man to rush into marriage. If he waits until he is more stable and secure in his life, he will be able to attract a better partner. Committing too soon to marriage will only limit his potential for finding the perfect partner. Time is on the man’s side when it comes to marriage.

The only time a man will rush into marriage, is if he believes he has found the greatest woman in the entire world and he doesn’t want her to get away. The great part is any woman can do this. All she needs to do is show him, that perfect woman he has been waiting for is actually standing right in front of him. There are specific cues, and ways of talking that will signal to him that the wait is over. Now he just needs to get her down the aisle before anybody else.

Some people like to tell the stories about their relationships. You know the ones – how they met, the first date, the proposal. I tend to stay a little quiet on the last one, as it is a source of embarrassment for me. You see, if someone asks how I proposed to my wife, she is quick to jump in and point out that technically, I didn’t. It wasn’t that she did the deed; I just did a lousy job of it. After a night out where we had discussed the future of our relationship, we were still talking as we drove home. Sensing what we were on the verge of deciding, but unsure if I was reading it right, the conversation went like this:

Me: So would you?Her: What?
Me: Marry me.Her: Are you asking me?
Me: I think I am…Her: STOP THE CAR!

I am ashamed that I didn’t do a better job, and she regrets not replying with, “Maybe you should ask me and find out!” but it’s in the past now, and happily the marriage is going better than the proposal. But for many guys, the idea of proposing comes with a lot of baggage. Hollywood hasn’t helped us by painting the picture of lavish gestures and extreme declarations of eternal love. Honestly, most guys would love to book the Air Force Display Team to sky-write our proposal, but it is unlikely to happen. However, if we think that we are expected to do that, then we’re probably going to stall the whole process while we think through who we know with access to jet fighters. If we feel that there is some great pressure to do something outstanding, then we may just avoid the exercise altogether rather than risk messing up something that is seen to be so important.

This means two things for women waiting for that vital question.

1) Moderate your hopes and expectations by the realities of your relationship. You don’t have to toss out every thought of romance; just don’t set the bar too high. Let your man know that this moment is one you want to remember, but also that it doesn’t need to make the front page of the New Yorker as well. If he is not in the top wage bracket, don’t dream of balloon flights or weekends in Paris. Similarly, if he isn’t the sensitive sort, poetry and moonlit dinners in the desert are unlikely to happen either.

2) Remember that the proposal is a means to an end. What matters isn’t how spectacular the occasion is, but what it signifies. If he is asking you to marry him, what will matter in five, ten or fifty years is the relationship that came about through it, not what was happening when he asked.

Most importantly, communicate this stuff to your guy. If he is under the impression that you are waiting for him to sign-write the moon, he will break out in a sweat whenever marriage is discussed. However, if he knows what you really find important is having a beautiful relationship, with an amazing life together with little concern about how to get there, then the pressure will be off and the possibility that the wedding will be on is that much higher.

There are ways to help a man realize that he has nothing to worry about and that he should feel completely secure within your relationship to take the next step ===> Getting Him To Propose

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly

P.S. Do you have a question you would like Dan to answer, or any of the other guys at Women Men Marry:

1) Please be specific when you ask your question. Asking questions like “Why are men jerks?” is not enough information to go on, to provide a decent response. What exactly did this guy do to make you feel like he was a jerk?

If you have ever been in a long term committed relationship for a number of years, eventually you will begin to think about the idea of getting married. For most women the confusion comes from the man in their life. He just doesn’t seem to be interested or motivated in moving the relationship forward. Even though you may want to get married, you have to remember it takes two to walk down that aisle. So if a man has no interest in ever getting married to the woman they are with, why do they even bother staying in the relationship?

Well its true a man will stay in a relationship even if he knows its not going to go anywhere. To understand why you have to understand how men think and how they view relationships.

Three common types of long term committed relationships men have:

1) He is in a very unhappy relationship. He doesn’t get along with his partner or maybe his needs are not being met. Either way he is not happy, most guys will leave the relationship, some guys might actually stick around just for sex on a regular basis.

2) He is in a very happy relationship. He is in love, his needs are being met, he feels respected and appreciated in the relationship and has absolutely no complaints. His girlfriend inspires him to be a better man and this makes him want to get married to this woman and spend the rest of his life with her.

3)The third type of relationship for men is in between an unhappy relationship and a very happy relationship. He is happy enough to be in a long term committed relationship but not happy enough to make it a permanent part of his life. Basically he is just comfortable in the relationship and too lazy to make any changes. There is nothing inspiring him to make a change. Right now he is in a holding pattern, he is waiting either for things to change in the relationship for the better or he is waiting for someone better to come along that will inspire him to leave the relationship.

At this point in the relationship it isn’t so bad where he can’t stand spending time with you and needs to end it. At the same time he isn’t happy enough in the relationship to want to commit to you for the rest of his life. Remember the rest of his life is a very long time. He needs to be inspired into a big decision like getting married.

So why would a man stay in a relationship if he doesn’t plan on getting married? Well first you have to understand its not that he hasn’t planned to get married, its that he has not been inspired by the relationship he is in to want to get married. Also take into consideration that just because you might be really happy in the relationship does not mean he is. As I stated before he might not be that happy in the relationship. If he is not happy in the relationship, he will definitely not want to propose.

Why would he stick around?

Hope, fear and sex. Most men genuinely hope that even if they are not in a perfectly happy relationship that something will happen that will change to make it better. Does this mean he will change to make it better probably not but he is waiting for something.

Another factor that plays on his mind is that he might not be able to find a better partner. Men can be afraid that they will remain alone for the rest of their life. He might be staying in the relationship just in case he never finds a person that is a better match.

Lastly is sex. Yes a man will stick around a relationship that is going nowhere and isn’t that amazing if it means he can have regular sex. If he breaks up with you then it means no sex. For many men, having sex in an unhappy relationship is far better then not having any sex. Not to mention, its just much easier and more comfortable to stay in the relationship.

Now this is not the reason why all men are in relationships, but if you have been in a relationship with your man for a number of years and he has absolutely no interest in getting married, then the problem is he has not been inspired enough to make that decision. If you want to learn more on how to get inspire your partner so he wants to get married and believes it was his idea all along check out ===>How To Get Your Man To Want To Marry You

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

paulwrigth@decodingmen.com

P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail your
friends and let them know about it. Thanks!

P.P.S. If you would like to have a Question answered or would
just like to send a Comment, please:

1) Tell us what’s working for you before you ask your question.
This helps other people to see what’s working, so please be
specific.

2) Be specific when you ask your question.

3) At the end of the email, give us your initials and tell us where
you’re from.

When I meet couples who have been together for some time and have finally come to the decision to marry, I often wonder why. Not that I’m against marriage in any way, shape or form; I think it’s great when people make that commitment. I’m just genuinely curious about what it is that drives them over that threshold. On the occasions when I have been forward enough to ask though, I have been disappointed by the response. For many, it ‘just seemed like the right thing to do,’ or one party ‘had always wanted to be married’ and so they take the plunge. It appears that the wedding will make no quantifiable difference to their relationship, and has no purpose but to change one party’s name and justify a big party.
Maybe that is why many men in relationships sometimes don’t rush to take that step – because they can’t see the point. We’ve all heard the saying, ‘why buy the cow if you get the milk for free,’ and while it is crudely put, there is a kernel of truth there. If being married will make no difference to the relationship, then men (being basic cost-benefit type machines) simply can’t understand the necessity. It seems like a waste of effort and money to make the change only to have virtually no effect. In my experience a number of men will eventually propose in order to achieve one thing – to keep their partner happy. Ultimately, that is the only difference it makes to them.
So what does this mean to the woman trying to get her man to commit? Before she starts leaving Bride and Groom magazines conspicuously on the coffee table, she needs to think about what it is she is trying to achieve.

* What is in the marriage commitment that doesn’t already exist in the relationship?

* What message does this process communicate to her, and to him, and to those around them both?

* And what outcome will they both enjoy as a result of being Mr and Mrs, that doesn’t come from being ‘significant others?’
The answers may vary between couples, but in my experience the one key difference between several years of living together and walking down the aisle is security. Although the substance of the relationship isn’t really affected, marriage is still like ‘locking the back door.’ Today’s divorce statistics make it clear that nothing has to be forever, but marriage certainly makes it harder to walk away from a relationship than most other arrangements. Where cohabitation can be reversed with a moving van and a weekend, a marriage is harder to dissolve. In this way it provides a sense of permanence, of stability and certainty. Both partners are assured in a culturally meaningful way that the relationship they live in is secure, solid and intended for life. While those things may be spoken and felt outside of a marriage, when they are uttered in a wedding ceremony they take on a deeper personal, cultural and legal weight.
So if you are expecting your man to pop the question, you might need him to understand it in these terms. He is not ‘making an honest woman’ of you – he is promising you that what you both feel and hold dear is real and lasting. Instead of looking at it as a dead tradition, he needs to see it as a symbolic affirmation of what you both have invested yourselves in. It’s not something superficial, but a commitment to the substance of your relationship. This is a quantum shift in thinking, and there needs to be careful communication in order for it to happen. He needs to see that the impetus is not an insecurity, but a pledge of greater security; a closing out of any suggestion there could be that he doesn’t want what you both have to grow, flourish and last.

Men must have security in a relationship to feel safe and comfortable. There are a number of problems currently facing many men in feeling secure enough in their relationship to want to propose. One of those reasons is the fact that divorce statistics are now showing that between 63 – 80% of divorces are initiated by women.

If men must have security within a relationship to get married, then this plays a big fact in the back of any man’s mind when it comes to proposing to a woman. For the large majority of men when it comes to marriage, they see themselves being in the marriage till the end. This is why they need to feel they will receive the same kind of security in return.

There are ways to help a man realize that he has nothing to worry about and that he should feel completely secure within your relationship to take the next step ===> Securing His Proposal

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

P.S. Do you have a question you would like Dan to answer, or any of the other guys at Women Men Marry:

1) Please be specific when you ask your question. Asking questions like “Why are men jerks?” is not enough information to go on, to provide a decent response. What exactly did this guy do to make you feel like he was a jerk?

Why are men so afraid of marriage? Why are all guys so scared of proposing to a woman they love? Why can’t I find a man that wants to get married?

The answer to this question is, men are not afraid of marriage. What men are scared of is marrying or committing to the wrong woman. There is not a single man alive that would not be willing to marry a beautiful model, who is intelligent, financially successful and has the heart of an angel. In fact many of these commitmentphobes women talk about would jump on a opportunity like that faster then most other men.

It is not that these men are afraid of marriage, its just he might be afraid of marrying you. That might sound mean, but you have to understand that the reason he is hesitant is because he has seen something within you that makes him a bit uneasy. Instead of jumping into marriage with you, he is holding off to make sure what he has seen doesn’t get any worst.

What you have to understand about men is we never to rarely ever think about the future when it comes to relationships. The only time we get a glimpse of the future is when we see something we don’t like. When we are just starting to date a woman, we call these moments “Red Flags” as they are meant to warn us about getting into a relationship with this person. When a man is in a monogamous long term relationship with a woman, these future glimpses become even more powerful and scary.

The reason they become so powerful is because he knows who you are now, he knows how you act, he has seen you at your best when the relationship was all passion and fireworks, and he has seen you at your worst. He has also seen you change as a person, he knows what you want in a relationship and what you expect out of a relationship. He has a clear mental map of his life with you in it.

Then one day he may notice something that will change his calculation of how his life will be with you in the future. This could be a number of things, a prime example may be nagging. In the beginning of the relationship you never nagged, you both got along so well. Now you may nag him at least once a day.

Once he realizes this he will do a quick calculation in his head. “If she presently nags me once a day, then that means 10 years from now, when we’re married she will nag me 10x more each day.”

This calculation can be used on anything in the relationship, ie: always upset, screaming, crying, never happy, depressed, over shopping, irresponsible behavior, etc.

There is also a similar calculation for moments when his needs are not being met. For example “If we only make love once a month which is not enough, then that means in 10 years, we will be having sex once a year or less.” He knows that if his needs are not being satisfied now, then he is definitely in for an unsatisfied life in the future if he gets married.

So what does he do? He slows the idea of marriage down. He bides his time and waits to see how you will change before he will make any decision about marrying you.

Why doesn’t he talk to you about how he is feeling? Every man knows saying “Sweetie, I love you, but you really do some things that make me question whether marriage is even a possibility with you.” is a one way ticket to the biggest and worst argument of his life. Instead of having this inevitable blow up, he will wait and watch.

Is this the right way to do it? Probably not, but when a man who naturally doesn’t ever think about the future gets that shocking glimpse of a tragic and terrifying future it can be scary. So you have to keep in mind, it is not the fact he is scared of marriage. In fact he is not even scared of marrying you. He is scarred of the future you that doesn’t even exist. To get him to want to get married you need to learn how to show him what an amazing future he will have and how all his calculations are wrong. To learn more go to ===> How To Get Your Boyfriend To Propose

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

paulwrigth@decodingmen.com

P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail your
friends and let them know about it. Thanks!

P.P.S. If you would like to have a Question answered or would
just like to send a Comment, please:

1) Tell us what’s working for you before you ask your question.
This helps other people to see what’s working, so please be
specific.

2) Be specific when you ask your question.

3) At the end of the email, give us your initials and tell us where
you’re from.