exploring wonderland

Moving West #2 The Reason

This one is a question rarely asked, because everyone has their own assumption. Many people think just because it´s cool. No, not really. This is something that not everyone can understand, so when they actually asked I just said ´Because I grew up in Canada´. Well, that´s not entirely a lie.

I spent some of my childhood in Winnipeg, and since I was three I was thought to speak up my mind and do what I think I must do despite of what society thinks I should. So when I moved back to Indonesia, I became an outcast. I couldn´t even speak Indonesian though my skin has more or less the same brown tone with the other kids. Although well I´m halfway washed with Chinese genes.

When I was in the second grade my teacher got angry at me for telling her, I don´t want to bring those straws for math lesson because I already know how to do multiplication. In third grade another teacher got pissed at me because I didn´t wrote how I get my results although all the answers were correct. If only he would have asked, I would tell him that it´s because I didn´t have to write any but I know I will be hated more. In middle school I got yelled by my classmate who swore like a truck driver because I said the t-shirt she made for the class is ugly. But hell it is, why would someone made a shirt bright red and dark blue? And the fabric is freaking thick. Indonesia technically has summer the whole year and I am not willing to wear that ugly shirt while sweating like a pig.

In high schol? Don´t ask, everybody hates me. Well, especially the girls. Why, you ask? Actually, I never even bothered so I don´t think I ever asked why. There are times when I thought there was something wrong with me but as I enter college and met a lot of open minded people, I never had that doubt anymore. They actually loved me, for the very first time in my life I actually had a lot of friends.

Alright, enough for the jibber jabber. The point is, I sought for freedom. Because no matter how you think about it, no matter how people could actually welcome you, they will still ask you questions you don´t even want to hear. Or people hating you cause you actually have the guts to answer their insult. One of my mom´s colleage said it was disgusting because my mom still drive me to class, since I can´t drive yet. I was, still learning. Though that twat actually knows that I went to a dorm school where I left home since I was 15 and I can only came back home for one day in a month so obviously I have no time to learn how to drive. So I told her: ´Why the hell you said it´s disgusting? Watch your mouth` Well she was shocked I actually snap back at her but she actually should thank me I didn´t add ‘nasty old hag’ like I intended to.

Well ya know, mostly from nasty hags and even guys questions like these always came: ‘When do you plan to get married? Never? Wow such a feminist. But you have a boyfriend.’ ‘Why don´t you want any children? Wow you´re so selfish. Who will take care of you when you´re old?’ ‘Why aren’t you going to the church with your parents anymore?’ ‘Oh you´re dating a foreigner, you think your parents are cool with that?’ ‘But he´s also a Christian, right?’

And the long list which is titled ‘None of your damn business’ goes on. Little do they know I really don´t give a damn of ANY society´s social convention. I have never planned to get married or have kids, I have no believe in any religion despite of myself being a Christian (and the German embassy still asked me to sign a statement letter that I´m not a terrorist, screw you. Nobody is a terrorist just because of their religion or where they came from). Pfff I don´t even believe in God.

Then there was the time where I spent two years as a freelancer and earn enough money to feed myself but everyone keeps thinking I´m only leeching off my parents because well ‘She doesn´t really go to any office.’ For real. Then there are times when I actually sort of had an office, we even had meetings in a hotel then these ladies from the other team came and told everyone, ‘She looks like she is a salon girl, do you think she is capable of field work?’ There is always something to say about a mixed blood girl whose small and looks feeble. They think you´re incapable because how you look, when they know they´re wrong most of them will just ended up hating you. If they´re even more shallow, ‘All Chinese are copycats and they stole our jobs.’ Seriously….There is just no end to this.

I´m seriously just looking for a place where I think I feel like I belong, and when I said I feel like I belong, I mean there is the existence of people who actually can stick out their nose from your life and mind their own business. Even better if they can appreciate you for actually having the ability to make rational decisions in your life. So this is when I thought, ‘That’s it. I had enough. I’m getting the shit outta here.’

About Judith

Hello everyone! I share my thoughts here. Sometimes it may sounds a little weird or too radical, I know. But then it is just a spark of thoughts I would love to share :) And yeah, as you know "knowledge is a power, but ignorance is a bliss" [Plato]
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