New this weekend over at Cracked is my account of the history of football and dog-strangling, A Shadow History of American Football. You may recognize it as the most insane explanation of football to ever make the sport more confusing to you.

This turned out better than I expected.

I hope somebody besides me enjoys the oddball lists, because I’m not about to stop inserting them into articles. My original list was pretty close to what I ended up putting on the map:

The Bronx Murderers

The Albany Jabberwockies

The Boston Clam-Splitters

The Saskatchewan Apathy

The Wind-Blown Gypsies (unattached to any city, this permanent visiting team changed its name to the Cardinals and has not been seen since 1951)

The Omaha Klansmen

The Seattle Gungywamps

The Washington Displaced Indigenous Peoples

The Gotham Lunatics

The Kentucky 6 Drumstick & 4 Breast Value Buckets

The Henderson Tallywacker Poonsplatters

The United Dakotas Graverobbers

The Austin Christ It’s Hot, Let’s Go Insides

The Mountain Meadows Massacre

The Los Angeles Quitters (only played 3 games, sparsely attended)

The Appalachia Taily-Poes

The Kansas City Yes, but Which Kansas City Do You Means?

The Texan Texans of Texas, by God, Texas

The Las Vegas Gamethrowers

The Cleveland Unbelievably Racist Mascots

The Parallel Earth Cleveland Racist against White People Mascots with Goatees