"Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."
C.S. Lewis

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

He didn't destroy my lifeHe just changed itA little more than everyone else who walked right in

Shadows fall on every word he spokeBut every feeling lives deep in my soulAnd the words will fly to the windThe dreams will get caught in a little picket fenceWith paint only half dryBut I will grasp the way I feel with an iron fist for my life

In retrospect I can see that I never saw clearlyAnd now I don't act anymoreI just reactI pay someone to understandAnd even he has no clue who I am

And night after nightI pray for God to lay with me while I sleepBut the attacks still hit me quite frequently

I don't love my friends as much as I shouldI'm a repel everything that touches meBut I was more like a puddle of mudWhen it actually counted

Everything is backwardsAnd then someone is sent to turn it all upside downJust to prove that I can't stick to anythingAnd I can't really love anyone

No matter how hard I try to be therePeople who have built the best parts of my worldStill bleed at night

I can't control itAnd I can't help but be disappointed that I didn't see it

Failure doesn't follow meAnd innocence didn't leave meAnd most of all he didn't find meI sought it outAnd I drove it away

No matter where I should place blameI still carry it all around with meLike it was yesterday

Monday, June 16, 2008

No one is without secretsEventsFeelings about the eventsFeelings about themselvesOther peopleOr thoughts we would never admit that we have

Sometimes we become totally unaware of our secretsObsessedTormentedAcceptingOr even apathetic

Maybe it is time for confessionsOr maybe secrets protect us from being completely destroyed

But this is a momentary pause in lifeFor a little confession of my own(Confession is good for the soulOr so I'm told)

Of all the times I hated or loved myselfI could never seem to understandHow could a boy like him get a girl like me?Well, not easily and not lastingAnd as much as I hate to admit itI always knew that I was better than all that

For all the love I have or thought I had for himThere's still always a part of me that wants to watch him burn in hellAnd these are my deadly secretsMy shameful thoughtsThe things that I have reasons forMany many reasonsBut no excuses

And the only time I ever really criedWas when he forgot how much he "loved" me

LiveLoveLaughCryTake in every moment of lifeBut never forget that it's all disposable

Take the people you loveAnd learn to runFlyUse freedom to say goodbyeWhen you're youngAnd use commitment when you're oldSo one day your children might look up to youTake all the namesOf everyone you want to rememberAnd write them all on your soulSo you can take them with you when you go

Keep the tunnel open to your soulWounds never heal without airAnd everyone who believes has fought an angelSo, don't think that on your ownYou will ever be wholeLet secrets goLove like a childNever fear being bold

Forgive easilyLove freelyAnd let God fight battles for you

This is just a holding placeWhere we learn to liveJust in time to leave

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I lay down every nightAnd reach for your armsEqually surprised every time when I don't feel anythingAnd I find myself responding to your whispers while I sleepStop hiding from meI'm starting to confuse reality with my dreams

Sweet relief find meAnd wrap your strong arms around me while I sleepI want you to be my last reason to leave everything behindAnd for the first time in my lifeJumpWith you by my sideWe could run to the ends of the worldAnd move to every continentFor no good reason

We could forget the politics of lifeAnd love with the love that confuses the rest of the world

And if you break my heartIf God takes you from me too soonIt will be the first time I look backAnd everything was so worth itBecause you taught me how to live

Friday, June 13, 2008

I fell subject to youGrasping your arms around meSo tight that I could not breatheAnd you took more than you thoughtAway From MeYou took my voiceSpecific to me

And when the sound that escapes my lipsIs a breeze Floating byI suddenly feel The time has come to break freeAnd screamTo the worldIf for nothing elseTo let everyone knowThat I was given a voiceAnd by God I mean to use it

These are just the thingsThat we posses as human beingsBut allowed to be dulledAnd trampled onThen one dayWe're oldAnd haven't really spokenIn years

These are the shames of humanityThe wastes of potentialThe sly manipulationThat the power hungryUse to silence pure voicesThat speak seeking only pure loveJusticeAnd a world where we can all believeIn the great things we have yet to see

Monday, June 9, 2008

And I don't understandWhy can't I love the sheep who found their way home?I only care for the lost And in a search and rescueI seem to get lost along my way

Is it fair to say we all have our reasons?But when was anything fair anyways?And as a ChristianWhat I feel more than any weak thoughtIsAnger

And my mild temper has fooled manyMy sense of humor has chuckled me straight throughMany a tense situationAnd never did anyoneIncluding meRealize how anger I had become

I was angry at friendsWho never seemed to be thereI was angry at the churchWho never seemed to get anywhereI was angry at himFor saying he loved meI was angry at Christian boysFor refusing to love people like meI was angry at my familyFor never really noticing I'm just angry

And how do I know how to hold on?When the only thing keeping me groundedIs my hate for everythingHow do I forgive?And refuse to fall apart

The closer I get to peopleThe farther I drift away from the worldAnd the point where you end and I beginIs miles long

UnderstandingIs much like peaceImpossibleBut we all still hope for itAnd some of us foolsEven think we might reach it

And I want to learn to be fearlessBut I fear being aloneAnd your wordsThat cut me to the bone

LackOf Understanding

Was I ever brave? Did I really believe...All the things I used to sayAnd why do I wish for change?Fighting the predominant beliefs

One day I may wake up and realizeThat I wasted all that energy on nothingA stagnant societyAnd one day I might wake upWith my eyes open for the first timeAnd dry my tears while I watch the water come inFrom all sides

If the day must comeI hope I die before I see itRealizingThat maybe we're all wrongMaybe music and songs just taunt usA delusion of grandeurTelling us that things changeSomeone caresAnd we are somehow all together

Thursday, June 5, 2008

I can't go my whole life angryIt's exhaustingInhalingFumesDeadly enough to kill meAnd I can't leaveBecause I know deep downYou might not try to find meAnd I can't tell youBecause I can't let you hate meDid your love really run so shallow?That infants took all of mineAnd you only have enoughTo fit in 10 little finger and toesWhy did I have to act grown up?I wasn't you knowI was still a little too young to knowWhere I needed to goWhen my lifeFell ApartI don't want to be angryBecause anger and love can't hold companyOne has to goAnd maybe it's time that I knowI was called too loveNo matter how much I hateHow little you seem to love me

Must we really know where we are going to be in ten years. Maybe it's more important to look at the present. What am I doing with all the opportunities right in front of me? How do I treat all the people God has placed in my life right now? Could it be that living in the future is just as destructive as living in the past? I don't believe that one moment is more important than the next. Every moment is full of the same choices. If I can't get it right now, how am I supposed to think that I will in the future? I probably won't. So, writing out every detail of my future life might just be a waste of time. Today is the story that I write, and tomorrow is the picture that God paints for me and shows it to me as I go. It could be that at one point or another we are all just two seconds away from falling apart. Then we become drained of energy trying to hide it. Then we worry, and is it all not about the future? We all fill our lives with anxiety while starving children walk by us, beaten wives cry at our feet, and friends destroy themselves from the inside out. What does that tell God? "I'm sorry God, I can't do anything about what You've given me right now because I'm too worried that You're a failure and can't take care of my future." What kind of idiot have I become? I live today, not tomorrow, and not yesterday. Today is where I am, It'll be today tomorrow, but yesterday will never be today. In time the only moves forward. We can't see the sides, the top, the bottom, we only see the line and we have to go where it tells us. So, if God created our minds to see only what is here right now in this moment, why do we try to place ourselves somewhere else on the time line? It might be ten years from now or 2 years 3 months and four days ago. However, no matter what way we swing it we can't do anything about the past, and we can't govern our future. We do what we can today. We help who we can today. We pray without ceasing asking God to show us who needs us today. God does not abandon the faithful.