Introduction

When asking about a sexual issue, every man must consider the bias of the type of clinician he is asking. If you ask a urologist about your dick you may very well get a different evaluation than if you ask a cardiologist, and certainly different than if you ask a psychiatrist or therapy-oriented physician. If you seek out a urologist he will do a physical evaluation of your penis, not because this type of evaluation is vital to your assessment but rather because, well, this is what urologists do. Psychiatrists will do a psychiatric evaluation in lieu of a physical one because again, that is what they do. Any clinician’s practice can affect the type of evaluation they provide and the form of treatment they offer.

Hey, if you want to buy oxfords and you’re in Foot Locker, you’re going to have a guy try and sell you sneakers that look more like dress shoes. To that salesman, everything looks like an oxford; to a hammer, everything looks like a nail. My point is that within every profession there are limitations to the services offered. Mine included.

I am a physician, a psychiatrist, and a sex therapist. I treat sexual dysfunction as well as offer people advice on how to improve their sex lives and intimate relationships. I believe that there are both medical as well as psychological reasons for why people have sexual problems. What I also believe is that psychology, or more specifically what we believe about ourselves and our partners sexually, is vital to treatments for problems with both psychological and medical roots.

Now that that’s settled, why do I give a fuck about how you fuck? Because as I explained, there are shortcomings in the diagnoses most men get from their doctors. Even in cases where the cause of the sexual problem is physical or medical like diabetes or side effects from a prescription, the treatment is incomplete without a psychological assessment. Taking that vulnerable step and admitting to your doctor that you think you have a sexual problem is a big one, and it should be met with a detailed, comprehensive evaluation.

In addition to my professional curiosity on the subject, I have an inherent interest in male sexuality because, after all, I am a guy, too. And as one, it has been devastating to see the poor relationships my fellow men have with their manhood. The reality is, women have resources aplenty regarding their arousal, stimulation, and sexual identities. They are believed to be complex beings with equally intricate sexualities. Now, this perception isn’t exactly wrong, but it fosters the general consensus that conversely, men are simple.

So here I am to swoop in and prove that wrong, prove to you that straight men are complicated and by understanding these complexities you can better understand yourself, women, and sex in general. Now it’s not that I think gay men are a different breed who need a different guide, and thus can’t reap the benefits of this book. In fact, I think men of all sexual orientations could stand to get some advice. I also think, however, that because gay men spend their sexual encounters pleasuring other men, they, by default, have a better understanding of the functions and capabilities of their penises.

So sit back, relax, and give your dick the day off. Because after you’re done reading this, he’ll be ready to put in overtime.