Scroll down to see the solution…I just wanna give you the whole story first.

So 2 days ago I wanted to install a script on one of my domains. Nothing unusual since I do this on a regular basis, except this time the people that make the script told me I need something running on my machine called IonCube Loader. I thought it would be easy to install, but it turned out to be a major nightmare for all of us that do not spend nights typing linux commands into a black and white terminal window.
Anyways, my first thought was “Dreamhost must have a step-by-step guide on how to do this…it’s a pretty common component…”. How naive I was… Their wiki page provides a more than cryptic page with basically no explanation on how to do it, BUT they put a big warning on the top of the page:

[b][align=center]The instructions provided in this article or section are considered advanced.

You are expected to be knowledgeable in the UNIX shell.
Support for these instructions is not available from DreamHost tech support.
Server changes may cause this to break. Be prepared to troubleshoot this yourself if this happens.
We seriously aren’t kidding about this. [/align][/b]

WOW thats an interesting warining…a hosting company that tells you that you are on your own…a bit harsh. Alright, but what if I’m NOT an advanced user? Dreamhost support team will help me for sure I thought. How naive I was…

After 2 different support cases, both Travis T. and David H. were very polite when they told me “Screw you, we aint helping with this shizzle”.

For some reason these people fear IonCube Loader and perhaps ZendGuard too…didn’t ask about that one yet.

What is it with you people, why can’t you handle IonCube? Its an APP like many other apps, why cant you look into it? Why are you so afraid of it? Shame on you, its not very professional, you know.

Anyway, it took me a night of research and other POd Dreamhost customers came up with this autoinstaller for your ionCube stuff. Enjoy this guy’s story, and then download his fix. Enjoy!

There are things that I don’t know how to do too… but for less than 9.95 a month for unlimited shared hosting and unlimited bandwidth i don’t expect Dreamhost support to pick up the ball anytime I find something i don’t know how to do.

The wiki page warning is provided so that users who “do not spend nights typing linux commands into a black and white terminal window.” might seek assistance from someone else. This is clearly not Dreamhost supports job tho, the didn’t make IONcube and they don’t provide support for it.

I really don’t see your complaint here? The warning is very clearly worded. If you installed 3rd party software that messed up your HP laptop/desktop computer would you expect HP to solve your problem for you?

You dont say to customer:“I will not help you”.
You can say:“I can install it for you but I cannot guarantee it will work and I don’t want any responsibility”.

My complaint is about attitude.

Yeah I know it’s about liability…

I don’t know why you expect them to help you with an app though. It’s not what they offer when you sign up. They are not selling you website support. They are selling web hosting resources just as the electric company sells electricity. They aren’t likely to help you when some electrical gadget has problems using their electricity, other than verifying that it’s the correct voltage and such. They offer a range of hand-holding options to help people set up websites, and advertise that as part of their service, but if you look carefully, they are selling resources. They say ‘you can use this, this and this for x.xx per month’. It doesn’t say ‘we’ll help you use this, this, and this in any odd way you imagine’.

You get what you pay for. As someone who went from zero knowledge to a working knowledge of websites, PHP, Linux, etc, I can appreciate the help that they do provide, even if it’s limited, but considering the price I’m paying… If you know of someone who offers the same amount of resources PLUS extended support in using them, please let me know! I’ll jump ship immediately. I don’t think you’ll find it though…

Web consultants charge a hefty fee… I don’t expect to get a free one for a few bucks per month…

That being said, I DO appreciate your report back on how to get IonCube working and appreciate, as always, sxi’s free scripts which make everyone’s lives easier. Please note that he does accept donations, and if his script saved you time and headache, you might consider donating.

I guess I was expecting so much. Maybe because Dreamhost support has always been great, and then all of a sudden they can’t help me, I feel betrayed. Alright…anyways, I hired a freelancer to do the whole job, hopefully I will have it done soon.

When I ran it the first time, I didn’t get a page back, it just sat blank for 10+ minutes.

I tried re-uploading the file to the root of my domain and visiting it again, this time I got the message

Uh oh!
It appears an installation is already underway!
You might have tried to run me multiple times, or perhaps haven't waited for me to finish an installation that is still in progress on this user account.
Not convinced?
If you think my assessment above is incorrect, please use one of the Support Links listed below and we'll resolve this issue as soon as possible!

I’m sure it’s possible the script is still working to complete the installation, but since yo usaid it ran in under a minute, I wonder if I’ve hit a snag or if things have changed at dreamhosters since the script was written 7 years ago.