Why Keep Baby Awake During Breastfeeding?

You may be wondering why some parents even want to keep their babies awake during breastfeeding; after all, breastfeeding is naturally sleep-inducing and gives parents a fast and effective way to get baby to sleep.

However, there are times when you may want to keep your baby awake during and after breastfeeding. Those times include….

We checked in with Miriam, our resident authority on sleep and breastfeeding support, and asked her to share her top tips for how to keep a baby awake during breastfeeding.

How To Keep Newborn Awake During Breastfeeding

Remember the following pointers:

Newborns naturally get drowsy while nursing, and we really don’t worry too much about your newborn falling asleep while nursing unless there are concerns with weight gain or jaundice.

Newborns with jaundice tend to be very sleepy and it’s important to wake them and attempt to nurse every 2 hours during the day. The more they drink, the more they poop; the more they poop, the less jaundice they will have, and the more alert they will become.

If weight gain is an issue for your newborn then be sure to use breast massage and compressions to maximize the amount of breastmilk your child takes in at each feeding. Babies are very smart and they won’t waste energy at the breast if they aren’t getting milk, so don’t hesitate to use breast compressions to encourage more milk flow. You can also switch breasts every 5-7 minutes to encourage faster flow and more suckling.

Now, if you are worried that your baby is eating too often it’s important to understand that nursing every 2-3 hours is normal throughout the first year. It’s not necessarily “normal” for all babies to nurse every 3-4 hours; some will need to eat more frequently. The babies who can get by with feeding every 3-4 hours are usually older babies on solid foodswho can get 5+ ounces of breastmilk at each breast feeding.

If your baby is nursing hourly, then do speak with your doctor or a local lactation consultant. This can still be normal during a growth spurt, but it can also indicate problems with breastfeeding, like latch or supply problems. Always check in with a healthcare provider if your baby seems drowsy all the time and isn’t having lots of wet and dirty diapers.

How To Keep Baby Awake During Breastfeeding

One great way to keep your baby awake during breastfeeding is to work towards a daily feeding and nap schedule. Here are some basic steps you can use to move towards a schedule:

Start the day in the same 30 minute window each day (called a “fixed point”).

Nurse your baby shortly after “starting the day”.

For babies on a 90 minute cycle of eat-play-sleep, it’s fine to feed after the nap, but once the cycles are 120 minutes or longer you will likely need to move the feeding about 20 minutes before the nap so your baby doesn’t wake too early due to hunger. Offer a feeding even if you don’t think your baby is hungry.

It’s always okay to gently offer an extra feeding to help your baby get on a better schedule. You might do this prior to a nap or prior to going out for the day.

If you feel that your baby still isn’t taking a full feeding, even after you’ve worked towards a more predictable feeding schedule:

Keep in mind that sometimes babies just need a drink and that’s okay! 🙂

To encourage a bigger feeding, especially if you know you won’t have the opportunity to feed again (car trip, going out, bedtime feeding, etc), then be sure to use breast massage before the feeding and breast compressions after the feeding.

Don’t use a wet washcloth or anything too harsh to get your baby to nurse. Instead try running your finger gently along his cheek or foot.

Skin to skin contact is a great way to get your baby to wake-up and stay awake during a feeding. Even very sleepy babies will be motivated to nurse more often and for longer periods if they are skin to skin on mom’s chest.

How To Keep Baby Awake During Breastfeeding In Order To Solve A Sleep Association

Once you have established a decent daytime nap and feeding schedule, and you know your baby is taking in full feedings, you may find you need to keep your baby awake during breastfeeding not necessarily for nourishment, but in order to teach healthy sleep habits. Nursing to sleep is a really common sleep association, and it’s key to help your child learn how to breastfeed at bedtime or at nap time without falling asleep. But that’s easier said than done!

Generally speaking, it’s a good idea in this situation to move the feeding to an earlier point in the bedtime or nap time routine. If you usually breastfeed right before laying your child down for sleep, try breastfeeding first, and then going through the other steps in your routine. This not only helps keep your child awake, it also separates feeding and sleep enough that your child will stop associating them in his mind.

Baby Falling Asleep While Breastfeeding and Nursing? We Can Help!

If you’re struggling with your baby’s sleep and feeding habits, don’t worry – our team of experts can help! Connect with one of our expert consultants today; she’ll craft a Personalized Sleep Plan™ just for your baby, walk you through every step of sleep training, and provide detailed answers to your most pressing sleep training questions.

Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! And don’t forget that as a member, you’ll also enjoy a weekly chat with an expert sleep consultant, which is perfect if you have truly tough, pressing sleep coaching questions that require expert help. And the best part – members receive 20% off all sleep consultation services!

Questions about how to help your baby stay awake while breastfeeding? Tips for parents whose babies are falling asleep while feeding? Share below!

We’re shifting gears a bit with today’s article, and tackling a subject that we’ve never tackled on this blog: postpartum depression. Our team got to talking and decided that since we are a company dedicated to helping moms of babies and toddlers, it’s high time we addressed this very real and pervasive diagnosis, especially since we know that a fair percentage of you readers have likely struggled with it as some point (or are perhaps struggling with it right now).

Specifically, in today’s post, we’ll look exactly at what postpartum depression is, and how it’s different from the “baby blues” and the far more serious (and rare) postpartum psychosis. We’ll touch on what causes postpartum depression, and how its impacted by sleep (wouldn’t be a Baby Sleep Site® article if we didn’t mention sleep!). And in the last part of article, we’ll hear from one of our own consultants, Alysia, about her own experience with postpartum depression.

So read on, readers, to learn about this diagnosis. And remember, even if postpartum hasn’t been a problem for you personally, it has no doubt touched the lives of at least a few people that you care about. In my opinion, that alone definitely makes it worth learning about!

What Is Postpartum Depression?

Simply put, postpartum depression is a mood disorder that affects women after they give birth. Many people use the term postpartum depression to refer to a whole range of postpartum mood disorders, including OCD and anxiety that can surface or worsen after delivery. The actual cause of postpartum depression is thought to be due in large part to the huge changes that a woman’s body undergoes during and immediately after birth. Right after birth, hormone levels (specifically estrogen and progesterone) drop rapidly. Thyroid levels may also drop; blood pressure, immune system function, and metabolism all change after birth as well. These dramatic changes, coupled with the fatigue and stress that all new moms experience (sleepless newborn, anyone?!), are thought to trigger postpartum depression.

It’s worth noting that while moms who have a family history of depression or other mental illness are more likely to develop postpartum depression, moms with no such family history are susceptible as well. This means that even if you’ve never struggled with depression, and neither has anyone in your family, you may still find yourself dealing with postpartum depression. The good news is that there are a variety of ways to get help with postpartum mood disorders, including postpartum depression.

Postpartum Depression vs. “Baby Blues” vs. Postpartum Psychosis

When talking about postpartum depression, it’s important to remember that it’s one diagnosis on the spectrum of depression after birth. Postpartum depression is different that what is commonly called “baby blues”, and it’s different, too, from something called postpartum psychosis.

Baby Blues: Some consider “the baby blues” a mild form of postpartum depression; others don’t apply the PPD label to it at all. However you label it, though, the fact is that most moms experience it – an estimated 60-80% of new moms will have at least a short bout of baby blues.

So what are the baby blues? A mom with baby blues will feel vaguely sad and discontent, and often guilty for feeling that way during what should be such a happy time. Symptoms of baby blues are very similar to symptoms of true postpartum depression and may feel a lot like you’re having a bad case of PMS; a mom who has the baby blues will be moody and irritable, she will have periods of intense sadness, she may feel anxious, she will likely cry more than usual, and even though she is exhausted, she will likely have trouble sleeping. The difference, though, is that the baby blues generally don’t last very long – they begin a few days after birth, and they generally last a few days to a few weeks.

Postpartum Depression: For starters, postpartum depression is much more rare than the baby blues are – it’s estimated that between 7 and 13% of new moms experience PPD. While postpartum depression is characterized by many of the same symptoms as the baby blues, the symptoms themselves tend to be much more intense. Postpartum depression also lasts longer – it begins within 4-6 weeks after birth (meaning it may take longer to set in than the baby blues do), and it generally will not resolve on its own. Most moms find that it’s not until they seek help and treatment that their depression begins to get better.

Postpartum Psychosis: At the extreme end of the spectrum is something called postpartum psychosis. Postpartum psychosis affects a VERY small percentage of moms – less than 1%, estimated. The onset of postpartum psychosis is very sudden, and usually occurs within the first 4 weeks after birth. Generally, women who are most at risk for postpartum psychosis are those who have a history of bipolar disorder, or who have had a previous psychotic episode.

Now, when it comes to the symptoms of postpartum psychosis, they are actually quite different than the symptoms of baby blues and postpartum depression. While some moms with psychosis may feel exhausted and sad, many also report feeling extremely energized and happy – even euphoric. Women with postpartum psychosis also report having very fast and very extreme mood swings, hearing/seeing things that aren’t actually there, feeling confused and unable to do things they can normally do, and feeling paranoid and suspicious. For a more complete list of psychosis symptoms, that’s well-written and easy to read, check out this post.

Postpartum Depression and Sleep

So, what’s the link between postpartum depression and sleep? In news that I’m sure will surprise exactly 0 of you, it turns out that postpartum depression is greatly exacerbated by (and possibly caused by) sleep deprivation. I know – stop the presses. 😉 This article, by Dr. Christina Hibbert, does an excellent job of tracing exactly how sleep impacts PPD (give it a read, when you get a minute!) In it, Dr. Hibbert points out that the beginnings of sleep deprivation generally start during pregnancy, for most women (having a small human pressing against your internal organs isn’t exactly sleep-inducing!); then, after birth, most new moms are understandably sleep-deprived as they wake up often to feed their newborns.

But Dr. Hibbert points out that even after the night-wakings decrease, many moms struggle with sleep. It’s a phenomenon called postnatal insomnia, and it affects lots of moms. Add it all up, and this means that some moms are enduring months, or even YEARS, of sleep deprivation. This is scary stuff, especially considering that moms who are chronically sleep-deprived are more likely to struggle with feelings of depression.

Postpartum Depression and Sleep

So, what to do about postpartum depression? Well, for starters, don’t minimize your feelings after birth. A number of moms diagnosed with PPD report brushing off their symptoms at first, thinking “I’m just a little sad, it’s nothing, it’ll go away.” However, if your depression symptoms persist a month or maybe six weeks after birth, or are getting worse, don’t hesitate to reach out to your healthcare provider. Remember, true depression doesn’t go away on its own – it needs treatment.

Second, reclaim your sleep, if you need to. We work with so many mothers who tell us that they spent months (even years) blowing off their sleep deprivation as “normal”. Even worse, some moms tell us that they felt guilty and ashamed of their desire to get more sleep themselves – that wanting more sleep was putting their needs before their babies’ needs. But moms, I’m here to tell you something: chronic sleep deprivation DOES NOT have to be your norm, and reclaiming your sleep IS NOT a selfish act!! If you need help with your baby’s sleep, we’re here for you.

What has been your experience with postpartum depression? Have any stories or advice to share? We’re all ears!

If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, I encourage you to explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.

For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.

Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! As a member, you’ll also enjoy a weekly chat with an expert sleep consultant. And the best part – members receive 20% off all sleep consultation services!

If you are looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation, and want plenty support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations. Your consultation package will provide you with the chance to interact one-on-one with a trained sleep consultant, who will create a Personalized Sleep Plan™ for your family and then work to help you implement it at home.

With that in mind, here are are 14 tips you can use to get started on improving your baby or toddler’s sleep, and to ensure that you have a well-rested year ahead. 🙂

14 Tips for Better Baby and Toddler Sleep in 2014

Change your lifestyle – Instead of making a long list of resolutions, commit to making a lifestyle change. Just like a crash diet doesn’t work in the long term, a ‘quick fix’ probably won’t provide lasting changes in your baby or toddler’s sleep habits. Instead, focus on making a lifestyle change, in which you change the way you view your baby’s sleep. Commit to getting rid of unhealthy sleep habits (like falling asleep in front of the TV, or having inconsistent bedtimes).

Do your homework – Most of the parents who will visit this site in the next year are well-informed and well-read, so this goes almost without saying, but do some reading and research about your baby’s sleep and make sure you know age-appropriate milestones. Our blog is a great place to start! 😉

Have realistic expectations – While we have helped some families achieve miraculous results in just one e-mail or phone call, that certainly isn’t our norm. Some families need 30 days of unlimited e-mails, and frequent tweaks to their Personalized Sleep Plans™, before they see results. We aren’t miracle workers, but we d keep working with you to find THE solution that works for YOUR family. Your baby is unique and may or may not respond as quickly as some of the lucky few who have success in one or two nights. So please, have realistic expectations for your baby. Know that it may take days or perhaps even a few weeks to see any improvement. If you are realistic, you will have less frustration and more success, since you are less likely to give up before he has time to learn. This is especially true for slow-to-adapt babies.

Stop comparing your baby to your friend’s baby – It’s soooo frustrating when your friends around you all have babies who sleep great or did after five minutes of crying or something. Believe me, I know! But try not to believe the many ‘myths’ your friends may tell you about sleeping through the night. And consider that a) not all people define “sleeping well” the same way (some might not mind replacing a pacifier three or four times per night, but you might), b) it doesn’t mean they won’t have different sleep issues later (babies change a lot in the first two years!) and c) all babies have easy and hard things about them (some might struggle with sleep and others with eating, for example).

Trust your instincts – Sometimes our instincts are wrong (like if you think keeping baby up later will give you more sleep, when usually the opposite is true), but many times they are right! You know your baby best. If you start to wonder if you are making too many excuses for bad sleep, you’ll know it’s time to make a change.

Plan for setbacks – No doubt that just when you figure out the first thing, a second thing pops up: “She was sleeping great and then learned to roll! AAAHHH!” Teething, sleep regressions, illness, growth spurts – setbacks like these are all normal, so be prepared for them.

Don’t start too early or too late – Well, actually, it’s never too late to sleep train, but sometimes it can be too early. Only some two month olds can self-soothe, for example. So it’s best to wait to start sleep coaching until your baby is about 4 months old. However, don’t put off sleep training for too long – things can get a lot more complicated when your ‘baby’ suddenly becomes a walking, talking, tantrum-throwing toddler! Want to know the ‘ideal windows’ for sleep training? Check out this past article.

Set goals – One helpful step you can make is to set (realistic) goals for your baby’s sleep. If you don’t know where you want to go, it’s very hard to find a path there. Make sure that your goals are specific – instead of setting a goal like ‘sleep through the night’, try setting one like ‘down from 3 night wakings to 2 within first 10 days’.

Make a Plan – If you’re going on a road trip across country, most people make a plan. Some will plan it down to the last detail, including where they will stop for potty breaks, while others will make looser plans. If they make it to a nearby city to their planned stop, they might stop sooner or later, while others will do anything to stick to their plan and stop when and where they planned to stop. Neither of these plans are ‘better’ – both reflect the personality types of the people who made them. So, regardless of your personality type, remember that success usually starts with a plan (even if it’s not super-detailed).

Take that first step – Once you have your plan, taking that first step is often the hardest. Very often we build up how terrible sleep training will be in our head and, often, it’s worse in our head than in reality. We’re afraid we’ll be sleep training a tortoise and we’ll feel guilty because our baby won’t sleep and it’s our fault. The first step in solving any problem is usually the most difficult, but it’s also one of the most important.

Get Support – Whether it’s another friend going through a similar situation, your partner/spouse, a friend on Facebook, your parent helping you through, or one of our sleep consultants, one thing that helps you succeed in making a big change in your life is your support network. Holding yourself accountable by “checking in” with someone also helps you succeed. So, try to get your support lined up before you start.

Make sure to lay the groundwork before you start sleep coaching. There are a few things you should do before you start any kind of sleep training, including catching up on sleep (both you and your baby or toddler should do this) and possibly visiting your doctor, if applicable. To read the full list, check out 5 things to do before sleep training.

Try keeping a sleep log. You can do this before you start sleep training, to determine how much sleep your baby is getting, and to spot any trends in sleep. But it’s also a good idea to keep a sleep log/journal while you are sleep training. Keeping a record of what works (and what doesn’t), and charting your baby or toddler’s progress over time, will be a big help to you as you work on sleep.

Stay consistent! I know, I know — we sound like a broken record, right? 😉 We say this a lot, but it’s an important point to remember! The number one key to successful sleep training is consistency. You have to give a plan time to work, and you have to faithfully stick to that plan, before you’ll ever start to see progress. So don’t throw in the towel after just a few nights – instead, stick with it. If you haven’t seen any meaningful changes in 7-10 days, then consider making changes to your plan.

Remember – your family can do this! Here’s to a 2014 that’s filled with relaxing, peaceful nights!

What are your sleep-related plans for 2014? Any of you planning to sleep train? Feel free to ask questions and share your tips below – we love hearing from you!

Want to make sure that 2014 is a sleep-filled year for your family? We can help you do just that! Check out these Baby Sleep Site products and services…

Need more sleep training resources? We have a ton! Browse our list of e-books and e-book packages, designed to help your baby, toddler, or newborn develop better sleeping habits. We even have a book that’s designed just for parents who want to work on naps! These are perfect solutions for parents who want to sleep train on their own, but need more information.

Want Unlimited Access to ALL Our Products, Including E-Books? Join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and teleseminars. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! And as a member, you have access to a once-a-week chat with one of our expert sleep consultants – ideal for those times when you need some expert advice!.

Need Personalized Help? For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.

Happy New Year! The last year has flown by for a lot of us, in some ways, and really dragged in others, especially if your baby hasn’t been sleeping. When you’re not getting good sleep, days feel terribly long, sometimes. You know what I’m talking about if your baby was part of the Massive Recall of 2011 Babies. 😀 It’s time to take a look into our future and see what we can do to improve sleep in 2012! Here are 7 tips to make sure 2012 is a year of better baby sleep for your baby and your whole family:

1. Be realistic

All babies will not sleep through the night at the same age, weight, or other arbitrary quality. Your baby is unique and may be 6 months or 8 months or 13 months old when she finally sleeps through the night. Once you do start “working” on sleep, your baby may or may not respond as quickly as some of the lucky few who have success in one or two nights. I wish they all did, but frankly, if they did, I wouldn’t have this site because my own son would not have been as challenging as he was and I wouldn’t have had to obsess about his sleep as much as I did! Please have realistic expectations for your baby that while he may respond in a few days to a week, he might not or he will and then backslide. If you are realistic, you will have less frustration and more success, since you are less likely to give up before he has time to learn. This is especially true for slow-to-adapt babies. It’s easy to read through our testimonials and get very excited that we can help you overnight, but that will only be true for some of you. Our track record is good, but some parents send just one e-mail, receive a sleep plan, and away they go, while others consult with us for 30 days where we can touch base very frequently to tweak their plan. A family’s solution is as unique as their baby, sometimes.

2. Be consistent

Boring, I know. “Consistency is key” is something we all hear all too frequently, but I can’t emphasize this enough. When we read through family histories, certain things jump out at us and lack of consistency is a huge factor. Sometimes it’s not your fault. It’s hard to know when to feed, when not to feed, when it’s okay to rock them to sleep, when you should try to have them learn to fall asleep on their own, etc. If your toddler is playing with the trash can, if you sometimes let him and sometimes not, he won’t understand the rules and what’s expected from him. Look at it from their perspective to see how your inconsistency could be confusing your baby. This typically increases crying, rather than lessens it, and none of us want that.

3. Make smaller goals

One helpful step you can make is to set (realistic) goals for your baby’s sleep. Even better to choose baby steps in sleep training. If you don’t know where you want to go, it’s very hard to find a path there. And, you should be more specific than making “sleeping through the night” your goal. That is too broad and you may be disappointed. You might first decide “Go to sleep without breastfeeding.” Then, you might say “Wakes up for less than 4 night feedings.” And, so on. Make smaller goals to help yourself see progress and avoid giving up before you achieve your granddaddy goal.

4. Make a plan

After you make your goals, decide on how you’ll achieve those smaller goals. If you’re going on a road trip across country, most people make some sort of plan. Some of us will plan it down to the finest details, including where we will eat a meal or go potty or what specific hotel to stay in. Some of us might make loose plans such as what city we’ll stay for the night, but if we are making good time, we might go further or, if we are tired, stop sooner. We see a lot of different personalities in our personal consultations. Some need to know every little detail about what they need to do and ask a lot of “What if?” questions (which is a big reason why we’re here!) while others don’t. Whether you are type A or type B or go where the wind blows you, success usually starts with a plan, even if it’s not super detailed.

5. Take the first step

Once you have your plan, taking that first step is often the hardest. Very often we build up how terrible sleep training will be in our head and, often, it’s worse in our head than in reality (unfortunately, not always). We’re afraid we’ll be sleep training a tortoise and we’ll feel guilty because our baby won’t sleep because it’s our fault and how guilty we feel that we’re changing the “rules.” The first step in solving any problem is usually the most difficult (usually admitting there is a problem or that you need help), but one of the most important.

6. Gather Your Support

Whether it’s another friend going through a similar situation, your partner/spouse, a friend on Facebook, your parent helping you through, or us, one thing that helps you succeed in making a big change in your life is your support network. Holding yourself accountable by “checking in” with someone also helps you succeed. So, try to get your support lined up before you start. Someone who is non-judging if you make mistakes and someone who can empathize.

7. Expect backsliding

No doubt that just when you figure out the first thing, a second thing pops up: “She was sleeping great and then learned to roll! AAAHHH!” When we potty train, we are not surprised by accidents, so I’m not sure why parents sometimes expect perfect sleep after sleep training. Your sleep training progress might look more like a roller coaster than climbing to the top of a mountain.

Only you can make the changes that your family needs to thrive in 2012. I hope these 7 tips can help get you started. And, if new year’s resolutions is what inspires you to take that first step, then just make sure you are one of the (only) 50% who will stick to them. 😉

We recently contacted award winning parenting expert, Brenda Nixon, M.A., author and speaker, who empowers and inspires confidence in parents of tots to teens. Brenda’s books include The Birth to Five Book, her co-authored A Scrapbook of Christmas Firsts, and she’s a contributor to 30 titles, including several in the New York Times best-selling Chicken Soup for the Soul series. Brenda loves to keep busy speaking, writing, and hosting her weekly radio show, The Parent’s Plate.

We wanted Brenda to share with you a little bit about what she does and inspire confidence in your parenting abilities today. Here is our interview with her:

Please tell us a bit about what you do and about your weekly radio show, The Parent’s Plate.

Empowering parents in their enormous task is my passion. I express this passion through speaking, writing, teaching, and hosting a weekly show, The Parent’s Plate, every Tuesday morning, 10-11 AM (EST) (free). The Parent’s Plate show gives practical parenting tips mixed with child development in an enlightening, encouraging and entertaining format. Be prepared for helpful and relaxed conversation as I chat with fun guest experts about anything and everything that crowds a parent’s plate from teething, to tantrums, to teen drivers.

What inspired you to want to help parents and families?

As a teacher at heart (also by formal training), I love sharing information and ideas. If you believe in divine guidance, then you’ll understand that I felt called to build stronger, healthier families by empowering parents with education and encouragement. Whether speaking, writing another book or magazine article, teaching child-rearing classes, or hosting my radio show, it is with the goal of helping parents understand their child’s development and apply that information with enhanced skills and confidence.

What advice do you have for new parents as they begin their parenting journey?

The first advice is to remember there are no perfect parents…at least here on earth. You will make mistakes and blunders. Be the best you can by learning, growing, asking questions, reading books, and continually improving your child-rearing skills and parent/child relationship. Just as you’d take continuing education for a job, try to continue learning in your parent career.

Second, keep a healthy balance of rules and relationship. If you are all about enforcing rules, without grace, then your child will grow to resent you. If you are all about keeping harmony at the cost of discipline, then your child will disrespect you. Children need rules, boundaries and limits but they also need a loving, mature parent who wants to invest in a relationship that will last a lifetime.

As you know, sleep can be an issue for many families from birth through 5 years of age. What tips do you offer to parents who are struggling with sleep issues?

Depending upon a child’s age, adjust your response – or strategy for sleep. In fact, I’ve a story about my daughter Laura and her resistance to bedtime in The Birth to Five Book and how we handled it.
After birth, the newborn doesn’t care about our day/night routines. Sleeps happens whenever there is fatigue. I encourage parents not to worry about sleep issues (which are few) in the first months. Love, cuddle, rock, and hold your newborn as much as you want.

When a baby is around 3 – 5 months, parents can begin putting their wee one to bed while he/she is sleepy but not fully asleep. That way, the baby learns to self-comfort and go to sleep without being held or rocked. The goal is to teach your tot self-reliance; to go to sleep and stay in bed without your assistance (providing you aren’t practicing the Family Bed style of parenting).

Toddlers are usually still in a crib and “confined” so there’s little climbing out and wandering the house at night. At this age, it’s important to teach a tot that once in bed, stay in bed. If your little one wakes during the night crying, perhaps because of a nightmare, it’s fine to go in the room, lean over the crib and rub his/her back or just be a brief comforting presence in the room. But do not turn on lights, drag out food, or lift your tot out of bed or you send the message that waking at night is a great way to get Mom or Dad’s attention and activity.

Neurologically and developmentally, toddlers can get through the night without food or social interaction. It’s reasonable to expect them to stay in bed and asleep.

Preschoolers hate to be separated from “the action,” which is usually Mom or Dad. Many sleep issues arise in these years because kids resist bedtime and don’t stay in bed once they are there; making it exasperating for parents. It takes a little proactive planning to teach your preschooler to get to bed on time and stay there. You cannot “make” a child sleep but, you can provide the regular evening routine that signals bedtime and you can turn out the lights so their bodies and minds relax.

Babies change significantly as they become toddlers. Toddlers seek to become more independent and to test the limits of what they can and cannot do. What are your ideas for how parents can positively set limits with their toddlers?

All children feel secure when there are rules, boundaries and limitations. It’s natural for them to push to see where these limits are. Good parents recognize that it’s natural for kids to test limits and that it’s necessary for them to be kind and firm in enforcing limits.

With toddlers, you add the powerful drive of curiosity, no understanding of safety, and emerging physical freedom and you have the mix for many discipline situations. I encourage parents to use redirection, positive phrasing, and consequences to help their toddlers become independent yet safe. There are 8 ways to get kids to mind and I share these on my “Creative Discipline” CD. If anyone wants to order a copy they can email me for details speaker2parents@juno.com.

Today’s families seem to be busier than ever and with more hectic lives than previous generations. There is no shortage of opinions when it comes to advice for how we should be parenting and raising our families. This sometimes causes feelings of guilt or inadequacy for parents who are feel they may not be doing enough or who feel they could make a wrong choice that affect their child’s well being. What do you tell parents about how to deal with parenting guilt or feeling that they may not be parenting the “right” way?

Parenting is a guilt-producing profession. Regardless of what I did at times, I questioned myself. Through the years of child-rearing, I’ve learned there’s a difference between guilt and feeling bad. Guilt is the result of purposefully doing wrong while feel bad comes from wishing we could do better or things were different. So if we examine it; as parents we are not guilty of anything, however at times we wish things were different or better in our skills or with our relationship with our kids.

To relieve the angst of feeling you aren’t parenting “the right way” I encourage you to take a four-pronged approach: (1) read books about child development so you understand what’s normal for your tot’s age, (2) talk to seasoned parents for their advice, (3) remember your child has no frame of reference; whatever you do he/she thinks is normal, and (4) keep in mind that there are no “perfect” parents…on Earth. If you’re a person of faith, as I am, you can always ask the Perfect Parent for his guidance.