North Korea Declares Idol Supremacy in the Pacific

North Korea added to tensions in East Asia as the reclusive nation declared it would directly contest Japan’s lead on idol influence in the region. North Korea leader Kim Jong-un denounced Japan’s alliance with the United States and declared that his country would commence with a demonstration of force within the coming months. The new project which the nation is calling ‘The Supreme Leader’s Live: Democratic People’s School Idol Project’ was declared by Kim Jong-un as North Korea’s main arsenal towards idol superiority.

North Korea further added to its threat stating that its idol unit is already capable of reaching the hearts of fans in major cities across the west coast of the Untied States. While United States intelligence does not yet understand the full capabilities of North Korea’s idol unit, it does not believe that North Korea has the current ability to come within range of the United States. However, with enough training sessions intelligence believes that North Korea could be capable of reaching the west coast with its idol influence by the end of the year. It is believed that North Korea has acquired production resources through the black market in order to supply its efforts.

“We already have the official merchandise and Blu-ray set ready for his Glorious Leader’s idol project,” Idol Promotional Manager of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea Kwon Jong-su announced. “American leaders have continued to show their true arrogance and incapability of understanding the true appeal of idols. Soon the world will come to recognize the sounds and superiority of his Glorious Leader’s Democratic People’s Republic.”

Pyongyang citizens took to the streets to demonstrate their support for the new idol project with thousands of workers holding up banners and light sticks in support of the nation’s idols. The Workers’ Party of Korea began gathering top North Korean officials in order to go over the chants they would perform at the upcoming live performances and which colors they should pick in order to support their favorite girl.

The United States administration declared Kim Jong-un a reckless leader with no understanding of the production of idol songs. South Korean President Moon Jae-in responded to the news stating that his country would not stand for threats towards its cultural security. The South Korean military followed the announcement by blaring K-pop for several hours on loudspeakers aimed across the border. Japan announced that it would stand with its ally the United States; however, Japanese diplomats were later found secretly pre-ordering the limited edition Blu-ray set anyway.

About the author

Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.