Nobody does it better than James Bonds

We left off at a cliffhanger last week: Two James Bonds — George Lazenby and Timothy Dalton — had met their maker; and newcomer Daniel Craig and old-timer Sean Connery had teamed up to find their killer.

We left off at a cliffhanger last week: Two James Bonds — George Lazenby and Timothy Dalton — had met their maker; and newcomer Daniel Craig and old-timer Sean Connery had teamed up to find their killer.

What on earth am I talking about? In last week’s column I laid out my idea for the ultimate 007 film. Turns out that all six Bonds over the last five decades were actually orphans trained by British intelligence to believe they were James Bond.

But before we get into the rest of my movie’s plot, I want to talk a little about what the first 23 movies have meant to me.

I already covered last week how my father and I used to watch 007 marathons when I was a kid. That’s important because when I was growing up the only other thing he watched was Atlanta Braves baseball. That’s 162 games a season. And we only had one TV.

Since 007 was the one thing my father and I both liked, Bond meant bonding to us.

I also remember watching “For Your Eyes Only” on HBO at my neighbors. The underwater fight was mind-blowing. Years later I visited Silver Springs in central Florida where that scene was filmed. I geeked out.

I watched “Octopussy” on Showtime at our timeshare in Atlantic Beach in July 1984. I spent the rest of the summer pretending to be a British secret agent.

The first movie Michelle and I saw as newlyweds was “Goldeneye” in 1995.

So like I wrote about last week, I have an affinity for the film series. As such, I have conceived the best Bond film ever.

Act two of the film begins with Craig and Connery tracking down the assassins who killed Lazenby. The two Bonds enter an empty disco in Berlin where the chief assassin is hiding. Connery goes to the bar and starts mixing himself a martini while the assassin attacks Craig from behind. With Connery’s back turned to the action, Craig and the assassin engage in a drawn-out brawl.

When Connery is finished sipping his drink he calmly sets the glass down, turns, draws his Walther PPK pistol and shoots the assassin in the knee.

Connery presses the barrel of his gun into the assassin’s wound and the man gives up the name Stacey Sutton. The assassin then pulls a knife, forcing Connery to kill him.

During a quick history lesson by Q, the oldest and newest Bonds learn that Sutton was involved in the last case Roger Moore worked as Bond. So it’s off to San Francisco.

Page 2 of 2 - There they find Moore and Sutton, played by the very gorgeous 57-year-old Tanya Roberts reprising her role from 1985’s “A View to a Kill.”

Moore tells them that he fell in love and gave up being a spy, but he agreed to keep watch over the 007 program — only he knows all their true identities. He says that a former Bond is trying to kill them.

Moore is interrupted by Pierce Brosnan who tells them they are all pretenders, that he is the one true Bond.

Guess the Third Act will have to wait until next Monday...

Contact Daily News Senior Reporter Lindell Kay at 910-219-8455 or lindell.kay@jdnews.com. Follow him on Twitter and friend him on Facebook @ 1lindell.