I am a female and I have difficulty making myself orgasm when masturbating. How can I masturbate more effectively?

Many females struggle with reaching orgasm while masturbating or participating in other forms of sex. There are some tips to help anyone self-stimulate with the hopes of reaching what one may define as sexual pleasure. We’d like to preface with the fact that an orgasm does not imply that one ejaculates, or “cums.” The majority of women simply do not produce ejaculate when they experience orgasm. An orgasm does not necessarily need to be the goal in any sexual experience. It is important to realize that an orgasm does not mean the experience was successful – the entire series of emotions and sensitized reactions are important to notice and enjoy during sexual activity. Lastly, we would like to add that for all of the following masturbation methods it is very important to be certain that any object used for masturbation is clean and sanitized – this includes toys, fingers and any other tool viewed as most pleasurable.

First, it is important to lay back, relax, and find a private and quiet place to focus on some time alone with yourself. Release any external stresses and just focus on the present and the sensations running through all of the nerves in your body.

Method #1: Manually. Use your finger(s) to rub your genitals. You don’t need to insert your fingers into your vaginal canal if you don’t want to, but simply rub up and down the external genitalia (also known as the “vulva”) and focus on your clitoris. You can rub your clitoris in a circular motion, up and down or by any other technique you find enjoyable. For heightened pleasure, you can suggest use a lubricant – whether it is self-lubrication or store-bought (for example, KY Jelly) – this gives added stimulation. We also recommend using your three weakest fingers (pinky, ring and middle fingers) if the index finger proves to be too intense. If you feel loosened up after a little while of doing this, you can try to insert one of your (smaller) fingers into your vaginal canal and see if that feels good to you. Some women can only achieve climax via coital stimulation (vaginal penetration). There is also a sensitive spot called the G-spot on the anterior wall of the vagina that feels pleasurable when given the right amount of pressure and attention. Check out our link on the G-spot here!

Method #2: Water play. Running water flowing onto the clitoris and vulva tends to give a similar feeling to that of a vibrator. As the water flows and ebbs onto your bare genitalia, the clitoris tends to become erect from arousal. You might consider investing in a hand-held shower head, which can also come with different functions, and can be used while in the shower. One can also use special jets in the bathtub or Jacuzzi, or utilize the faucet to pour water over the clitoris.

Method #3: Riding. You can also masturbate with or without your clothes on by riding on top of something, usually a semi-hard corner that you can straddle your legs over. We do suggest that the surface be sanitary and cleaned both before and after use.

These methods can be a good start for effective masturbation. As you become more comfortable with your body and the kind of pleasure you prefer, you can try more masturbation methods and toys to enhance your experience. For more tips and information about female masturbation, click here.