Facebook Profile Faux Pas

I wasn’t sure what to write about for this first post. I ultimately decided to go with a topic that has become a ubiquitous force for virtually every person in America between the ages of 13 and 23. After writing the thing, I ended up with a longer entry that I’ve cut in half (the second part will be up tomorrow).

On to the post. Facebook is something that has become so ingrained into daily life that it’s hard to remember a time when it didn’t exist. Now that it’s become such a presence, it’s interesting to look at how Facebook culture ebbs and flows over time. Remember how popular Jetman was when it first came out? For maybe a three-month period, every time I logged onto Facebook I’d have three or four Jetman “challenges.” Or how about this trend where people post Texts from Last Night” onto people’s walls? How did that get started?

Pictured: Jetman guy.

Of course, as with any endeavor in which large groups of people are forced to do things on their own, there is a ton of incredibly stupid stuff on Facebook. I realize that railing against people acting stupidly on Facebook is an easy target (see failbooking.com) but these five profile faux pas have always bothered me:

5) Girl A is in a relationship with Girl B

Maybe in the early stages of Facebook, manipulating your marital status to say that you were dating another girl might have elicited a chuckle or two. And yeah, I get it, you’re really close with this person, it’s like you’re married. But five years later, a girl being in a fake relationship with another girl does not even approach being funny. It’s also borderline confusing at times; if two girls who are constantly together all of a sudden announce they’re in a Facebook relationship, are we to automatically assume they’re just messing around?

4) Favorite Music: Everything but Country

The favorite music section can be tricky. Do you list most of the bands/artists you listen to, or do you try to put down a representative sample? Do you throw down genres or individual artists? I don’t have an answer, but what you shouldn’t do is describe your musical interests in such a reductionist and condescending way. The favorite music section is not asking you to list the music you don’t like. That’s akin to describing your favorite activities as “everything but bowling. I like every activity in the world, but I cannot stand bowling.” I’m not a country music fan, but come on, man. You mean to tell me that out of every awful genre out there (nu-metal, grindcore, “trip-hop” etc.) that country is the one you single out?

Pictured: The single worst thing ever.

3) Favorite Music: “Whatever’s on da radio”

If you’re listing your favorite music as whatever’s on the radio, you’re essentially saying that you have no soul and that radio stations completely dictate the type of music you listen to. Enough said.

2) Favorite Quotations: “Well behaved women rarely make history”

If you glance at someone’s Facebook profile, there’s a good chance you’ll see some classic platitudes in the favorite quotes section. Why? What does this really say about you? Popular choices include:

-“Some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them”. (Sex and the City)

-There are no more pretty ladies or white horses at my door. (Blow. I actually think this is a decent speech, but the line is so overused that you just end of looking like a tool putting it down. Side note: Blow is an awful, awful film.)

-Only make moves when your heart is in it, and live the phrase ‘Sky’s the limit’ (Notorious B.I.G.

And so on…

1) Favorite Books: “Haha! Who reads? Reading is for losers…”

There’s no more infuriating phenomenon than the rash of people who use the “favorite books” section to take a pot-shot at the value of reading itself. Seriously, grow up. This isn’t the sixth grade anymore; acting like reading is lame no longer makes you cool, it just makes you look like an immature philistine. Sadly, anti-intellectualism has been pretty rampant in the U.S. for a long time and this is where it takes hold, the idiot making fun of his friend for reading.