Sadly, there are no do-overs in fantasy football. But there
sure is plenty of crying. Yes, dear reader, it’s time to grab a tissue as we
explore what could have been with my oft-imitated, always-controversial, yet
magically delicious Perfect Draft: The
Final Cut.

As always, we start with a few key assumptions. First, we’re
in a 10-team non-keeper league using a standard scoring system that starts one
quarterback, two running backs, three wide receivers, and one tight end, kicker
and team defense. Second, we are drafting from the middle (fifth) position in a
snake format. Third, since all drafts play out differently, we’ll need a little
luck along the way. And finally, our goal is nothing short of Kim Jong-un-style
domination and the abject humiliation of our opponents.

Now, with the fifth pick of the 2014 Perfect Draft, we
should have selected…

Round 1: DeMarco
Murray, RB, Cowboys. The Fantasy MVP slid to the second round in most
leagues due to durability concerns and, well, everybody knew the Cowboys would
be terrible. All Murray did was win the rushing title by nearly 500 yards.

Round 2: Le’Veon Bell,
RB, Steelers. Arian Foster was our mid-season pick in this round, but Bell came
on strong down the stretch to vie for MVP honors with Murray.

Round 3: Antonio
Brown, WR, Steelers. In PPR leagues, Brown ran away from the field. In
standard leagues, he still set the gold standard for consistent, stellar production.

Round 4: Andrew Luck,
QB, Colts. If we’re smart enough to bench him during the playoffs, Luck will
really be on our side.

Round 5: T.Y. Hilton, WR, Colts. He didn’t
find the end zone until Week 6, but we still want our QB’s favorite receiver.

Round 6: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Eagles. Despite
turnover and inconsistency at quarterback, Maclin flourished in his new leading
role.

Round 7: Emmanuel Sanders, WR, Broncos. As
predicted, Sanders stepped into the vacuum left by Eric Decker and flourished
in Denver’s pass-happy offense. Sadly, predictions about Decker’s fate as a Jet
were similarly accurate.

Round 9: Russell Wilson, QB, Seahawks. One of
the most underrated players in Fantasyland, Wilson almost always compensates
for mediocre passing stats with his rushing prowess.

Round 10: Mike
Evans, WR, Buccaneers. In the Year of the Rookie WR, young blood is more
than welcome on our perfect roster. Once Evans got his feet wet, he was nearly
unstoppable.

Round 11: Jeremy Hill, RB, Bengals. He won’t
start often, if ever, for this team. But we’ll like him better on our bench
than in an opponent’s lineup after he seizes the starting job in Cincinnati.

Round 12: Justin Forsett, RB, Ravens. Here’s
where we start getting a little silly with our picks. Forsett had never
finished among the Top 30 RBs in his previous six seasons, yet he
quietly took the reins in Baltimore and became an every-week fantasy starter on
his way to a Top 10 finish.

Round 13: Antonio
Gates, TE, Chargers. Ladarius who? Gates not only returned to
elite status but had one of the best seasons of his Hall of Fame career.

Round 14: Odell
Beckham, Jr., WR, Giants. Fantasy’s unquestioned Rookie of the Year was
arguably the MVP of the second half of the season. Beckham simply dominated
down the stretch, leading countless grateful owners to fantasy championships.

Round 15: C.J. Anderson, RB, Broncos. Until
he was injured, Ahmad Bradshaw was a gem of a late-round pick. Anderson
delivered in the second half of the season.

Round 16: Eagles defense/special teams.
Fantasy’s top defense (in most scoring formats) was an afterthought at draft
time. But what a weapon they’ll be most weekends.

Round 17: Cody Parkey, K, Eagles. Stephen
Gostkowski led the way, but he’d cost us a much earlier pick. Parkey wasn’t
even the Eagles’ kicker when most leagues drafted, but he finished his rookie
season as the runner-up.

Looks just like your draft, right?

That’s okay; we’ll get ‘em next year! Until then, be sure
to check in on the Fantasy Fools blog for offseason developments and
all the info you’ll need to make next year’s draft perfect.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Movie stars have the Oscars. Sports stars have the ESPYs.
Fantasy football players are stuck with Biro’s Heroes & Zeros.

I’m sorry. It’s just the way it is.

Once again, before we close the books on another exhilarating
/ frustrating / victorious / humiliating (circle
one) fantasy season, we must take a quick stroll back through 2014 to
examine the players we rooted for and against and – with as much objectivity as
we can muster – give credit where credit is due.

As always, our annual accolades (and condemnations) have but
a few important criteria:

Consistency
on a weekly basis is next to godliness.

Production
during the fantasy playoffs – NFL Weeks 14 through 16 – is given extra
weight.Players who let their
owners down at the worst possible time earn our eternal scorn.(I’m looking at you, Mr. Luck.)

Week
17 is dead to us. (Sorry, Geno.)

Without further ado, I am pleased to present the 9th
Annual Biro’s Heroes & Zeros Awards:

Most Valuable Player: DeMarco Murray, RB, Cowboys. Andrew Luck
lost his claim to the honor with his Week 16 implosion. Odell Beckham, Jr.
deserves consideration after leading countless teams that added him early in
the season to titles. Le’Veon Bell had an outstanding season, especially down
the stretch. But Murray earns the nod thanks to his dominating rushing
performance and remarkable consistency. Runner-up:
Bell, RB, Steelers.

“Peerless Price Memorial” Bust of the Year: Adrian Peterson,
RB, Vikings. The Top 5 pick racked up a combined 93 yards in the opener, then
was never seen again thanks to his off-field transgressions.Runner-up:
Montee Ball, RB, Broncos.

Rookie of the Year: Odell Beckham, Jr., WR, Giants. In the “Year
of the Rookie Wide Receiver,” OBJ was clearly the pick of the litter. Despite
missing the first four games while recovering from a hamstring injury, Beckham
worked his way into the Top 10 fantasy ranks. No receiver in NFL history has
scored as many as his 12 TDs in his first 12 career games. Runner-up: Mike Evans, WR, Buccaneers.

Comeback Player of the Year: Julio Jones, WR, Falcons. After
missing all but five games in 2013, Jones not only returned to form, but he piled
up the most receptions and yards of his career. Runner-up: Arian Foster, RB, Texans.

Mr. Reliable:Antonio
Brown, WR, Steelers. We may soon need to name this award after Brown, who
delivered receptions, yardage and scores at a consistently stellar clip for the
second consecutive year. This time, he averaged 7.6 receptions for 98 yards per
game, with 12 TDs, through 16 weeks. Runner-up:
Murray.

Surprise of the Year: Justin Forsett, RB, Ravens. This was
supposed to be Ray Rice’s backfield. Then Bernard Pierce’s. Lorenzo Taliaferro
had his 15 minutes. But it was Forsett, who had never finished among the Top 30
RBs in his previous six seasons, who quietly took the reins and became an
every-week fantasy starter on his way to a Top 10 finish.Runner-up:
Brandon LaFell, WR, Patriots.

Best Waiver Wire Acquisition: Beckham, Jr. Because he entered
the season injured and destined for a backup role, OBJ typically was available
well into October. When Victor Cruz went down in Week 6, the rookie’s prospects
soared. After that, it was game over.Runner-up:Eagles defense/special teams.

Mr. Big Play: Jordy
Nelson, WR, Packers. Among his
13 TDs were scoring jaunts of 40, 45, 59, 60, 66, 73 and 80 yards, which makes
the one that slipped through his fingers in Week 15 that much more painful. Runner-up: Beckham, Jr.

Most Devastating Injury Loss: Giovani Bernard, RB, Bengals. Bernard
was money until he hurt his hip in Week 8. The injury lingered while rookie
Jeremy Hill slowly stole his job. By the time Bernard got healthy, it was too
late. Runner-up: Victor Cruz, WR, Giants.

Steal of the Draft:Antonio Gates, TE, Chargers. His backup,
Ladarius Green, was typically drafted ahead of Gates, who was available in the
15th round or later. All the wily veteran did was return to elite
status and finish with one of the best seasons of his career. Runner-up:
Emmanuel Sanders, WR, Broncos.

Most Overrated:Percy
Harvin, WR, Jets. He runs, he catches, he even returns kicks! He just
doesn’t produce much in the process, whether in Seattle or New York.Runner-up:
Vernon Davis, TE, 49ers.

“Thomas Jones Memorial” Most Underrated:Ahmad Bradshaw, RB, Colts. His own team even refused to acknowledge
that he was the most productive and reliable RB on the roster. Despite Top 10
production while healthy, Bradshaw was routinely benched by owners that just
didn’t believe he could keep producing from his backup role. Runner-up: Russell Wilson, QB, Seahawks.

Might As Well Be Injured: Darren McFadden, RB, Raiders. The
perpetually sidelined tailback played in all 16 games, but who could tell?
McFadden was so awful he wasn’t even owned in roughly nine out of 10 fantasy
leagues. Runner-up: Reggie Bush, RB,
Lions.

Made Chicken Salad from Chicken Scratch:Mike Evans. Playing for a two-win team now on the clock for the
first pick of the 2015 draft, Evans scored in more than half his games and
finished just outside the Top 10 rankings. Runner-up:
Chris Ivory, RB, Jets.

Most Spectacular Bench Performance: Ben Roethlisberger, QB,
Steelers. After an up-and-down start to the season, Big Ben put on a masterful
522-yard, 6-TD performance in Week 8. Many of his owners were so incredulous,
they didn’t start him in Week 9 either, thus missing out on his 340-yard, 6-TD encore.
Runner-up: DeAndre Hopkins, WR, Texans
(9 receptions for 238 yards and 2 TDs in Week 13).

“Frisman Jackson Memorial” Irrational Exuberance Award: Jonas Gray,
RB, Patriots. Countless fantasy enthusiasts positively swooned over his
199-yard, 4-TD breakout in Week 11. Even Sports
Illustrated fell for it, making Gray the cover boy of their next issue.
Then Gray slept through a team meeting, LeGarrette Blount was scooped up off
waivers, and the rookie was rarely heard from again. Runner-up: Donte Moncrief, WR, Colts.

Starter in Name Only:Trent Richardson, RB, Colts. It’s bad
enough when the starter is consistently outplayed by his primary backup. But
Richardson not only paled in comparison to Ahmad Bradshaw, but to
third-stringer Daniel “Boom” Herron as well. Runner-up: Doug Martin, RB, Buccaneers.

Worst Sophomore Jinx:
Zac Stacy, RB, Rams. Much was expected after Stacy’s midseason emergence as a
rookie. But he never got on track in 2014 and was quickly relegated to the
bench. Runner-up: Cordarrelle
Patterson, WR, Vikings.

Team Bust of the Year (a.k.a. They Are Who We Thought They Were): Jacksonville
Jaguars.There isn’t a player on
this team that you regret not drafting. Runner-up:
Oakland Raiders.

“Plaxico Burress Memorial” Bonehead of the Year: Josh Gordon, WR,
Browns. He was suspended for the first 10 games of the season because he
couldn’t keep his head out of the weeds. Then Gordon capped off his lost year
by skipping a team walkthrough prior to the finale and was suspended again. Runner-up: Ray Rice.

Most Likely to Succeed in 2014:Brandin Cooks, WR, Saints.
Marques Colston has lost a step and Kenny Stills clearly doesn’t have the
rapport with Drew Brees that Cooks developed early in his rookie season. Look
for Brees and Cooks to soar with another offseason under their belts. Runner-up: Devonta Freeman, RB, Falcons.

As always, I’m open to your feedback on these awards.Feel free to comment below, and be sure to begin
your message with “You’re an idiot because…”

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Good morning, Fools. I imagine there are much fewer of you reading this than normal, and that's a good thing. Unless you play in a weekly league, or have something akin to the "Free for All Bowl" that a couple of my leagues run, there's no reason to be focusing on starting lineups this weekend.

That said, some boneheaded leagues still play their Super Bowls this weekend, so we must remain vigilant for their benefit. Here's what they need to know:

As covered in my Starters & Benchwarmers column, nearly 20 teams have either been eliminated from the playoffs, or have little or no incentive to play hard to improve their playoff seeding. Guys like Tom Brady are expected to play a half or less. Rob Gronkowski has already been made a healthy scratch. No reason to think Tony Romo or Dez Bryant will play long either. Look for DeMarco Murray to get in long enough to break Emmitt Smith's team rushing record (he needs 30 yards), then quickly exit.

Everyone else is a dicey proposition, and there's little doubt that some unheralded backups will be among the day's top performers. Figuring out which ones in advance takes more work than I'm willing to put in for such little benefit. (Sorry...I've got a family!)

Steven Jackson is out for the Falcons, so Devonta Freeman will get a whole game to audition for next year's starting job. Freeman is a prime candidate.

Forget my flier of the week pick, Jonas Gray. He's already been ruled out. It could be a nice day for James White and/or Brandon Bolden, though. Julian Edelman is also inactive.

Julio Jones will suit up in Atlanta's all-or-nothing game with Carolina.

Here's a sneak pick at this year's honoree for the "Plaxico Burress Memorial Bonehead of the Year Award:" Josh Gordon, who got himself suspended for Week 17 for missing Saturday's walkthrough with the team. He apparently was playing hooky with Johnny Manziel, though not necessarily together. Can that duo be anything but trouble? We will likely be hearing a lot about them in the offseason, for all the wrong reasons.

Meanwhile, the Browns will be led by rookie Connor Shaw at QB today. Oh my.

Terrance West gets the start at halfback for the beleaguered Browns.

Percy Harvin and Dwayne Allen have also been declared inactive.

That's it for now. More inactives coming next, but I'm heading to church. Will get out as many as I can. Good luck to all Fools!

Friday, December 26, 2014

Hopefully you aren’t contending for a title this
weekend. But if you are, or you’re playing a weekly game, we still have work to
do.

Here are my picks to roll, and
get rolled, in Week 17 of the 2014 season.

Watch ‘em roll

Ryan Tannehill,
QB, Dolphins vs. Jets. Miami has nothing but pride at stake in this divisional
battle, but Tannehill still has much to prove as the Dolphins’ QB of the
future. He had a huge game last week and should stay in the groove with his
wideouts against the Jets’ horrid secondary.

Jonathan Stewart,
RB, Panthers at Falcons. Those who trusted Stewart last week were rewarded with
122 rushing yards and a late TD reception. Keep Carolina’s (current) bell cow
in your lineup against an Atlanta run defense that has coughed up a
league-worst 20 rushing scores. This is a must-win game for both teams.

Joique Bell, RB,
Lions at Packers. Reggie Bush got the start last week because Bell violated a
team rule. But once Bell got into the game in the second quarter, he resumed
his lead-back duties. He presumably will keep his nose clean this week, and
he’ll be leaned on heavily as a rusher and receiver in this critical game for
the Lions.

Greg Jennings, WR,
Vikings vs. Bears. Minnesota has little to play for, but this is a divisional
rivalry and Chicago’s pass defense is truly awful. Even if Jennings doesn’t
play a full game, he has an excellent opportunity to notch his fifth TD
reception over the final six games of the season.

Kelvin Benjamin,
WR, Panthers at Falcons. The rookie hasn’t found the end zone since Week 14, but
he hasn’t faced Atlanta’s overly generous secondary either. Look for another
100-plus-yard performance, with at least one TD in this all-or-nothing contest.

Nearly 20 teams are either eliminated from the
playoffs or have little or no incentive to play their stars in Week 17. Every
one of the starters from these teams, therefore, comes with significant risk of
being pulled early: 49ers, Bears, Bills, Browns, Buccaneers, Colts, Cowboys, Dolphins,
Eagles, Giants, Jaguars, Jets, Patriots, Raiders, Rams, Redskins, Saints, Titans
and Vikings. When in doubt, choose a player with an incentive to give his all.

Jonas Gray, RB,
Patriots vs. Bills. Predicting which back will get the lion’s share of the
carries for New England is always a dicey proposition. It’s even harder to
decipher when the team has nothing to play for. But here’s my expectation: The
prodigal rookie Gray will get the call, while the veterans are used sparingly.

DON’T BE THE BONEHEAD
WHO…plays for all the marbles in Week 17 next season. Too many key players
will be sitting or exiting early, so the best fantasy teams could be unfairly
penalized. Also, be sure to watch the inactive reports, as several stars will
likely be healthy scratches.

Monday, December 22, 2014

It must have been my wife’s idea of a cruel joke. The entire
family was heading off to Six Flags on Sunday, followed by a Christmas show
that night. Instead of sitting squarely in front of the NFL RedZone for seven
hours, rooting my team to a championship, I would have to follow the score via
smartphone.

Let’s just say daddy was a little cranky on the
rollercoasters.

To their credit, my battle-tested starters built up a nice
lead heading into the late-afternoon games. But my opponent still had Andrew
Luck and A.J. Green to play. Fortunately, Odell Beckham, Jr. added to my cushion
early in the Giants’ game, while Luck was getting off to another slow start.
Then Dez Bryant broke free for a touchdown, and I dared to believe this could
be my day.

Still, my good fortune couldn’t last forever. Luck had to
get on track at some point, right? Yet every time he started generating some
yardage, his fantasy points would disappear. One interception. And then
another.

I began worrying that ESPN’s tracker was malfunctioning.
Surely he can’t have zero points. Not this late in the game.

Indeed, it was an implosion that will live in infamy for
countless owners of the Colts quarterback. It reminded fantasy veterans of his
predecessor, Peyton Manning, who perennially hit the showers early in Week 16,
just when his owners needed him most. But this was different. Luck was still on
the field late into the third quarter, trying. He was simply failing. And
flailing.

Meanwhile, Beckham threw a knockout punch that even the
great A.J. Green could never overcome. I’m going to have a hard time denying OBJ
Fantasy MVP honors in next week’s awards column. Surely he was the difference-maker
in thousands of leagues over the last half of the season.

At least that’s what I gathered from the highlights I
watched on NFL.com well after midnight.

Victory is sweet no matter how it comes. But next year,
honey, if you don’t mind, I’d rather not have to watch it play out in the form
of black and white numbers on a five-inch screen.

FREE AGENT PICKS AND PANS

You shouldn’t be playing for a
title in Week 17. Hopefully you’re doing what a couple of my leagues do, which
is playing a “Free For All Bowl,” in which every owner – even the regular
season losers – sets one final lineup. Highest score gets five percent of the
pot. It’s our little way of squeezing one more week of fun out of the fantasy
season. And it’s one more chance for someone to win back their ante.

So, for those of you with
something on the line, here’s a player to consider and a couple who would look
better in your opponent’s lineup.

Catch ‘em while you
can

Devonta Freeman, RB, Falcons. Most of us thought the rookie would get his chance to take
over for the aging Steven Jackson at some point this season. But the wily
veteran got his second wind and held off the inevitable transition. Jackson’s
quadriceps injury Sunday finally gave Freeman an opening, and he took advantage
of it with an impressive scoring romp. Though the starter’s injury does not
appear to be severe, Freeman could get another chance to showcase his skills in
the Falcons’ finale.

Don’t be fooled

Luke Willson,
TE, Seahawks. Two touchdowns and 139 yards receiving is pretty impressive
stuff. But just three targets isn’t. Given the Seahawks’ clear preference for
keeping the ball on the ground, Willson’s career day is unlikely to be repeated
any time soon.

Dwayne Allen,
TE, Colts. Oops, he just dropped another pass. Feel free to do likewise with him.

Welcome home, Fools!

2011 and 2010 Football Writer of the Year

Fantasy Fools on Facebook

About the Chief Fool

Ladd Biro was named 2010 "Football Writer of the Year" by the Fantasy Sports Writers Association -- the most prestigious recognition in the biz. In 2011, he won again -- the only two-time winner in the FSWA's history. He also won for "Best Humor Column of 2011," across all sports. He was a finalist for the FFWOY Award again in 2013 and 2014, but someone obviously paid off the judges to prevent the threepeat. Ladd's nationally syndicated columns have appeared in more than 20 publications -- including the Dallas Morning News, San Francisco Chronicle, Philadelphia Inquirer, Chicago Sun-Times and Sporting News magazine -- since 2003. Since 2009, all his written fantasy content can be found on the Fantasy Fools blog.