Jews & Birthdays

Why I won’t be celebrating my birthday.

It’s not because I’m not sentimental. And it’s definitely not because I don’t like parties.

It’s because a few years ago I noticed something remarkable in the Torah that made me rethink the whole idea of giving special significance to the day I was born.

There’s only one time in the entire Bible that we read about a birthday party. The guest of honor, who in all probability planned it for himself? Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, whose birthday bash we read about in the book of Genesis.

Aside from this non-Jewish leader, whose lifestyle certainly doesn’t deserve to be emulated by us, there isn’t a single mention of a birthday celebration by any one of our people.

Why the strange neglect of what we would think is a significant day worthy of celebrating and rejoicing? Another occasion that Jews do celebrate yields an answer.

On the anniversary of the day of death of a loved one, the yahrzeit, it is our custom to share food and drink with others. It is then, with the passage of time, that we can reflect upon all that was accomplished by our departed as well as the legacy of their achievements. We have a right – as well as an obligation – to celebrate a life that we can now in retrospect acknowledge as having been well lived.

But birthdays link us only to the day of birth. When we are born, we have as yet accomplished nothing. We have no more than potential, alive to face the challenges that will confront us but with no assurance that we will overcome them successfully.

“God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.”

Birthdays don’t really deserve applause because they commemorate nothing more than our first appearance on the stage of life. Voltaire put it well when he wrote, “God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.” How we play our role is the great test of our character.

The 18th century rabbinic giant, Rabbi Moshe Sofer, known by the name of his major work as the Chatam Sofer, resolved a fascinating question by way of this insight.

The Talmud teaches that truly holy people die on their birthday. The rationale given for this seemingly harsh linkage is in fact to acknowledge a divinely decreed blessing. Righteous people are granted the gift of complete years. Whatever their lifespan, they live it out to the very last day.

It is a beautiful thought but the Chatam Sofer wonders how such a tradition could be maintained in the face of the knowledge that many saintly figures of the past did in fact not die on their birthday. Would that disqualify them from consideration as truly righteous in our eyes?

Of course not, says the Chatam Sofer. Many many pious people did in fact die on their birthday – we’re just mislabeling what day is in fact their birthday. The righteous will die on the very day that they became righteous – the day in which they first demonstrated their holiness, the day in which they confirmed the kind of saintly behavior that elevated them above others. That is the day in which they were truly born. And that is the day on which in fact they would pass on to the next world to be rewarded for their greatness.

Every one of us has more than one birthday. The first is of course purely biological. That moment gave joy to our parents, but we really have no right to make any personal claims on its significance. We were born – but it remains for us to prove by the way we subsequently live our lives that that deserves rejoicing.

It is the other “birthdays” we have that deserve recognition.

The day I first learned to read the Alef-Bet, as my father wrote the Hebrew letters on a slate in honey, taught me how to pronounce them, and then allowed me to lick the sweetness of their forms and to absorb God’s script into my soul – that was the day I was born into Jewish consciousness.

The day I received my rabbinic ordination, my Smichah, was the day I was born to begin my life in the service of God and to devote all my energies to the benefit of our people.

The day I married was the day that, in the eyes of Jewish tradition, I became a complete person – until then being unfulfilled without my divinely designated helpmate.

The four days on which I was blessed with the arrival of each one of my children allowed me the joy of knowing that I would be able to pass on the legacy of our ancestors to a new generation I had a role in creating – and nine grandchildren that followed were a beautiful frosting on the cake God was kind enough to bless me with.

So why celebrate my own birthday – a day I had nothing to do with personally – when I have so many other major moments in life that far more deserve to be celebrated?

Related Articles:

About the Author

Rabbi Benjamin Blech, a frequent contributor to Aish, is a Professor of Talmud at Yeshiva University and an internationally recognized educator, religious leader, and lecturer. Author of 14 highly acclaimed books with combined sales of over a half million copies, his newest, The World From A Spiritual Perspective, is a collection of over 100 of his best Aish articles. See his website at www.benjaminblech.com.

Visitor Comments: 77

(73)
maria,
June 16, 2014 3:29 AM

i believe there is significant reasons to "YES" celebrate a birthday.

In my limited studies of the Hashem and His Torah I have discovered and learned so many amazing facts. He celebrates me daily with so much unconditional love, provision and new mercies every single morning while of course I celebrate Him and His name. He celebrates me also because I'm His creation, His greatest work, all the while teaching me to celebrate my neighbor. Everyone is a specific soul with a specific mission-task and or purpose allowed by Him to exist here in the 1% realm and be His vessel to serve others. On the day we are particularly born a star and constelation were in place plus the very fact that Hashem permitted it all. Torah specifies the birthdates and the specific ages of our patriachs/great leaders, as well as from whom they were born to , even certain mothers were instructed what to and not eat and drink during their pregancy for a specific calling on these particular souls. He was pleased me when He created me, that's reason to celebrate in gratitude and appreciation that I exist.

(72)
Uri Kestenbaum,
May 6, 2014 4:22 PM

sources

There are sources for "commemorating" one's birthday. Maybe not with a party, but as a day for introspection and gratitude.

See http://ohr.edu/ask_db/ask_main.php?id_number=222 for details.

(71)
Tirtza,
January 22, 2014 9:15 PM

How about your 60th birthday?

?

(70)
Anonymous,
January 20, 2014 11:38 PM

In the example given - that Pharoh's birthday is the only time a birthday is mentioned, that may be true, however that was where Yosef's salvation came from. Just something interesting to note.

(69)
chaya,
December 1, 2013 10:22 PM

what can be more important than your birthday? the day that you were bestowed by god with limitless possibilities and potential to fulfill his will and make a kiddush hashem?!?!

(68)
Sally,
May 5, 2013 5:54 PM

Totally agree

Good job Rabbi . This is food for the soul.

(67)
Mordechai Shuali,
March 13, 2013 4:40 AM

The Ben Ish Chai and The CHaSa"M Sofer Don't Agree

The Ben Ish Chai and the CHaSa"M Sofer don't agree. They both write that BIRTHdays or perhaps BRITHdays should indeed be celebrated. The Ben Ish Chai says it was the minhag in his house and throughout Bagdad to celebrate each birthday. The Chasam Sofer writes that for a boy the day chosen should not be the day he was born, but rather the day he was given his bris milah. Regardless, birthday are indeed a Jewish thing.

Feivel,
January 17, 2014 10:15 PM

Also the Lubavitcher Rebbe

In addition to the Ben Ish Chai and the Chasam Sofer, the Luabvitcher Rebbe also held birthdays should be celebrated, He strongly encouraged one to set aside time for inner reflection one's birthday, and to gather with friends and take on new good resolutions.

(66)
Anonymous,
March 10, 2013 5:43 PM

did I miss out on something?

I've only had one birthday party, it was when I was seven and for some odd reason there never was another. I thought for one wild moment that I might have a surprise birthday party when I became 60 but the surprise was it never happened - just another day - I know many people and I get gifts but no party - I look back at my life and feel I have achieved much and realise that a party should be in honour of one's parents -bestowing flowers to them for manufacturing another little person, with Gd's blessing, or being 'party' to the event and to me that is/was enough!

(65)
Anonymous,
February 3, 2013 3:58 AM

i dont rlly agree with the above because a birthday is mentioned by the jewish ppl wen Avraham Avinu celerated Yitzchok Avinu's birthday and that birthday we see, Rashi says that it was a meal with talmidai chachamim and tht ultimately is what's important. My esteemed father said that if i feel that i grew spiritually that year, I should celebrate my birthday otherwise i shudnt!

(64)
Ammi,
November 6, 2012 3:28 PM

I have wavered on this. I do not really celebrate my birthday with grandeur - I do give flowers or some acknowledgement to my mother. But, on others' birthday's, I love giving a card and good friends or family, take them to dinner just to let them know I appreciate them, and thank them for making a difference in my life.

(63)
karen,
October 30, 2012 4:42 AM

This is a beautiful story I truly enjoyed reading it. I never really though about it before but it doesnt really make sens to celebrate our birthday when there are so many other really great days in our lives

(62)
toby,
October 29, 2012 8:10 AM

acknowledging birthdays

You should acknowledge your birthday as so many young people are loosing their lives so young. Having been through Cancer 3 years ago I celebrate my birthday with renewed energy nothing fancy just appreciating being alive and getting nachas from my children and grandchilden, as well as my siblings.

(61)
YH,
October 28, 2012 2:08 AM

Good enough for R' Feinstein, good enough for us!

from the new edition of the Reb Moshe book, p. 311:
"All the children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren were called by Reb Moshe Feinstein z'l and the Rebbetzin on their birthdays. The family would reciprocate by calling Reb Moshe every 7 Adar to wish him well on his birthday. Those who lived in the NY area would come to the Lower East Side to do this in person. This was so accepted a practice in the Feinstein family that when one grandchild was once unable to get through on the phone, she received a call that night from Reb Moshe, who was concerned that something was amiss.
"The family emphasizes, however, that these were not simply "Happy Birthday" calls, but opportunities for them to express their fervent hopes and blessings that their father and grandfather merit another year of life in good health, and receive his blessing in return.'
footnote: for a number of years, a group of students from Yeshiva of Staten Island would travel to the East Side on 7 Adar to present R' Moshe with a loose-leaf containing chidushei Torah written by the yeshiva's talmidim. R' Moshe would glowingly accept this unique gift and leaf through the entire collection in the presence of the talmidim.

(60)
Laya,
October 26, 2012 9:53 AM

I'm still celebrating

I'm celebrating gratitude for completing another year and gratitude for the chance to start again. I was so showered with love and acknowledgement from friends and loved ones. People sang to me. When a baby is born, we celebrate big time! That baby showed up and has a purpose. And when even if a person is not capable of "doing" any more, can't even take care of himself, we still celebrate and treasure that life. Birthdays are a great reason to celebrate LIFE. I'm not the only one who loves to celebrate birthdays. I tell my children and friends "I'm so glad you're here." That is a wow to hear.
Dear Rabbi Blech. Happy Birthday anyway. Even when we disagree, I'm very glad you're here in this world with us and sharing your light and wisdom! G.d Bless.

(59)
Anonymous,
October 26, 2012 7:42 AM

Birthdays

While my mother was alive, on my birthday, I would send my mother flowers and a card telling her how much I have enjoyed my life!

(58)
IrisB,
October 25, 2012 11:33 PM

I will always celebrate birthdays

Birthdays are a wonderful thing and I will continue to celebrate them. When I was about 25, I started to buy my mother flowers for MY birthday, as a way of celebrating her and all she did for me. Now, nearly 40 years later, my mother no longer lives, but my thoughts go immediately to her on my birthday.
My parents died within 6 months of each other. After their passing and unveiling, I vowed to NEVER commemorate their deaths, only their lives. So now, on their birthdays, mine included, and anniversary, I light candles in their memory and to honor them.
My parents grew up always knowing each other. Their families attended the same shul. My mother told me that it was around Veteran's day, prior to WWII, that my mother noticed my father in shul wearing a red paper poppy in his lapel. It was at that moment, she looked at him differently, as someone she wanted to know a lot better. I mark that day as the day their romance/love and ultimate future together blossomed. That day I celebrate as well. For over 20 years now, I buy a paper poppy to commemorate their love.
Yes, we should most definitely celebrate birthdays and anything else positive. (NOT someone's death.)

(57)
ann,
October 24, 2012 7:01 PM

the Lubavitch Rebbe in the book "a meaningful life" says that the birthday should definitely be celebrated, it is a important day! but i understand your point of view Rabbi Blech and i actually agree with you as far as my own birthday is concerned! but for those we love....we also love their birthday since it is the day god sent them to earth to illuminate our lives!!

(56)
Anonymous,
October 23, 2012 8:34 PM

My birthday is a day of gratitute.

On this I respectfully disagree. Having recovered from a lengthy and painful illness, I relish my birthday as opposed to someone commemorating my yartzeit. It is not an egocentric day, but a day of gratitute for Hakodesh Borchu

(55)
Anonymous,
October 23, 2012 8:02 PM

Your hebrew birthday is a day to give thanks to Hashem for instilling life into you. It is also a day that your mazal is very strong, thus a good day to bless people. Chabad celebrates by making a farbreng and also adding a new resolution for the coming year. This is an old custom traced to the Sadigura Rebbe.

(54)
Anonymous,
October 23, 2012 12:39 PM

Honor your parents

On your birthday, you should honor your parents (particularly Mom) who helped bring you into the world. That's what we do in our family, we have a birthday party with our parents.

Orly,
October 25, 2012 2:29 AM

Agreed

I agree. Nicely put

(53)
Libbi B.,
October 23, 2012 9:44 AM

Jobs sons.

Job, chapter 1, v. 1 - could it be that the sons of Job were celebrating/feasting "each on his day" birthdate? Chapter one, vs four?
There were seven sons, so there would be a lot of feasting throught the year and they invited their sisters tocome and eat and drink with them.
V.5 Job continually offered sacrifices according to the number of them (7) for Job said: "It may be that my sons have sinned...."
Forward to verse 13; :And there was a day when his sons, and his daughters were eating and drinking wine, in their eldest brothes's house;" verse 18-19 ....."Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house: and behold there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead;.........."
Something to think about.

(52)
Anonymous,
October 23, 2012 9:40 AM

I have learned that it's a special day for the birthday person to give brochot, so there is something to it.

(51)
Laurence,
October 23, 2012 8:51 AM

at least 5 birthdays, 4 not so happy

At Pharoah's birthday the baker looses his head, at Herod's birthday John looses his head, Job's eldest sons birthday party saw the 4 corners of his house smote by the wind and the young men (Job's son's) died, Moses was 120 years old and died on his birthday- not a very happy occasion. But the 5th birthday is declared with 100 trumpet blasts as the heavens declare the coming king with the morning star appearing with Jupiter as one bright star and regulus (in the constellation of Leo the lion) appearing as a crown over them announcing the birthday of the Melek in a sukkah wrapped in priestly garments 14 days later with 2 million people at his fathers house for this party complete with the biggest candles ever!!! The party lasted 7 days and even then the father wanted everyone to stay one more day as his son was to be circumcised on the 8th day! So I would say if our heavenly father can have a surprise party (with the surprise on the guests) then it must be ok to celebrate birthdays, but don't make a "wish" to some pagan god when you blow out the candles, but pray to our father not asking with wrong motives for something for your own pleasure but for others, giving thanks to our father for what he has already given, life!!!

(50)
Anonymous,
October 23, 2012 7:33 AM

What about Rosh HaShana ?

Honoring yourself is wrong. Whether you are honoring yourself on your birthday for which you cannot take any credit for, or whether you honor youself for a supposed "merit". Honoring yourself for your "merits" is vanity and pride as well. I cannot agree with the author that one is allowed to celebrate one's "merits" or achievements. Celebration means thanksgiving. Rosh HaShana is the birthday of the world, the birthday of Adam and the prophet Samuel, and it is actually a birthday celebration of thanksgiving. Actually EVERY occasion is worth celebrating and giving thanks to G-d. Thankfulness / thanksgiving is a form of celebration. Celebrating a birthday, is giving thanks to G-d for your life and the gift of coming into this world. The problem is not the celebration itself, but how you celebrate. If celebration means thankfulness to G-d for His mercy, then it is required. If Celebration means honoring yourself in pride, then it is wrong. The author implies that only your achievements are worth honoring and celebrating. This is wrong. One does not celebrate exalting his or her merits, one celebrates with a heart of thanks for the underserved gift of G.d which is life. Everything G-d gives us is an undeserved "gift" not a "merit". Even our ability to achieve and be succesful is also a gift in compassion and mercy of G-d. If every minute of life is precious and a pricess gift of G-d and worthy to be celebrated, then how much more, an hour, a day, a week a month or a year???? If everymorning you say "modeh ani" for another day's gift of life, then what better way to give thanks to G-d for another year by celebrating and throwing a party? Celebrating your birthday is saying to HaShem: THANK YOU VERY MUCH

(49)
Shaina,
October 22, 2012 9:17 PM

Birthdays Are The Day That Mark Another Year!

A birthday should be at least recognized just as we would recognize Yom Kippur or Rosh Chodesh as a marker of time in our lives, even more significant should be the day on which we were physically born into this world-soul and body one. My birthday is a day that I think,"I'm one year closer to my death now and one year farther from my birth." Some years I celebrate in all I've accomplished since I was just an infant and some years I use the day as a point of starting on a new path of increased focus on life and reminding myself my time is limited, what am I doing? Birthdays, at least for Jewish people following the solar calendar don't need to be celebrated but it can only be for another chance at growth to recognize them.

(48)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2012 8:27 PM

We celebrate the 13th birthday of a young man.
We celebrate Adam's birthday with Rosh Hashana.

(47)
Gilad,
October 22, 2012 7:57 PM

Good article but

That was a very good article, that gave me a lot of food for thought. Thanks!
One thing with which I disagreed, though, was the statement that
"The day I received my rabbinic ordination, my Smichah, was the day I was born to begin my life in the service of God and to devote all my energies to the benefit of our people."
I believe that everybody, whatever God destined them to be in life, whether a Rabbi or a farmer or a tour guide, or anything else you can think of, can "live their life in the service of God and devote all their energies to the benefit of our people."
Thanks again for another great article!

(46)
Marc A Chiffert,
October 22, 2012 6:39 PM

Birthdays remind us where we are in life

We celebrate birthday because it helps us become more cognizant of the passing of time, and provide a vehicle for us to reflect on what we have achieved at our age vs what we had set out to achieve.

(45)
Shashi Ishai,
October 22, 2012 5:24 PM

My brother: Born Sept 1, 1946; Died Sept 1, 2012.

My brother, Stevie, (Shimon ben Beyla) was born and died onhis English birthday. He died of stage 4 pancreatic cancer, but he had been diagnosed with it over 3 1/2 years ago. He stumped the oncologists, and lived each day with gusto and purpose. Why Hashem granted this double miracle, I do not know. My Chabad Rabbi, Ephraim Simon, told me that he lived the full circle of life-it was not a coincidence. I have not mourned for him with tears, but have a sense of calm and awe, as I imagine what his afterlife is and will continue to be.

(44)
Devorah,
October 22, 2012 4:53 PM

More suppport for Jewish Birthdays

I scanned the comments and found many, many examples of respectful disagreements with the Rabbi’s stipulation. It so happens that there are groups who support no birthday celebration, based on a ruling from a particular Rebbi or halachic authority, but I think majority opinions go more according to the ones who hold it actually is a day to celebrate, in terms of showing gratitude to our Creator for another healthy year. It should not turn into an "all about me" egocentric day, and it should also actually not include candles on a cake (see Rabbi A. Blumenkrantz's treatise for this practice stemming from avodah zarah). But it is definitely a day to show gratitude for another year alive in this world to accomplish G-d's will. It is a day to give to others and to pray for one's self, since we have our particular mazel at the fore. Finally, here is my addition: I also learned from the Lubavitcher Rebbe ztz"l that one's birthday is one's personal Rosh Hashanah. One has the collective universal date of Tishrei 1, and one has a second Rosh Hashanah on his/her birthday! It is a happy day but at the same time a serious day. We must spend time self-evaluating and making resolutions for the year to come! How can such an opportunity be downplayed? I do not get that! In my family the kids have a family party at a minimal level, and we exchange a lot of love and maybe a few funny cards, and then comes the real stuff: We all give tzedakah and say the person's new Tehillim corresponding to the new year they are now beginning. ie: on a persons 30th birthday we would say #31.

(43)
Suzanne,
October 22, 2012 4:37 PM

Birthdays are a source of joy for a lot of people

Why are so many observant Jews so radical these days? Where is all this severity coming from? What's all this fighting over kosher, modesty, frumkeit etc.? I recently showed a picture of a Jewish woman to a non Jew and she thought she was a nun! I walk into a shul and the women are penned up in the back with the separation so high that it's impossible to even glance at the bima unless you stand on your tip toes and look through a curtain. All the women were dressed in black and so were their little kids. Personally, I think this is extremism. I could go on and on.... Now it's birthdays. Please!!

(42)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2012 4:22 PM

Birthdays are a wonderful event. The day you are brought into the world to do great things and help others. It is a joyous moment for all invovled.

(41)
maria raquel de almeida,
October 22, 2012 3:28 PM

birthdays are important

What chutzpah! Birthdays are important. We are celebrating a life which if the b'day boy/girl is of advanced years, we are celebrating their accomplishments and if they are young, we are also celebrating their arrival in our lives. We celebrate our children's b'days because they are meaninful. My husbabd's mother shared the rabbi's idea that we shouldn't celebrate b'days as "there is nothing to celebrate about" and that is sad because he grew up without being celebrated and now, he enjoys the kids parties as his own. A lot of catching up to do.

(40)
Leah,
October 22, 2012 2:50 PM

Birthdays are an opportunity to focus, for once, on individual family members. We all reaffirm our love for them and their importance in our lives. We reaffirm that God made this particular person in His image, and he or she has unique value and importance in the world. Why would we not celebrate each other?

(39)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2012 1:47 PM

Birthday carries a spirit of 'pride'. It says this day is all about 'me'(think of our children). Pride is what started all this mess. If anything life began at the time of conception......not at the first breath(outside the womb). Shalom

(38)
Chrystal,
October 22, 2012 1:43 PM

Herod......

There was another birthday was mentioned in scripture with horrific details and that was Herod's. Great article. Shalom!

(37)
Elisheva,
October 22, 2012 11:22 AM

We celebrate because we're grateful

I'm so grateful for my kids that I always celebrated their birthdays (and still do) with great simcha! Just so happy that they were born, that G-d entrusted them to our care! Likewise, my parents celebrated the birthdays of me and my brother, because they loved us and were glad we'd been born. And today, my husband and I celebrate each other's birthdays with equal gratitude that we were born, and that G-d brought us together. So, in our family, this custom has real meaning that I'd hate to lose.

Dvirah,
October 23, 2012 5:38 PM

Agree to Gratitude

Given all the dangers in the world, I think it appropriate to thank the Creator for allowing one to survive for yet another year (oneself, one's children, etc.). That is the kind of birthday celebration befitting a Jew. Also, one can show appreciation to other people (like one's parents) by marking their birthdays.

(36)
Doron Maizel,
October 22, 2012 11:04 AM

The Talmud sais, "For every breathe we breathe we should say Hallel", so what is so terrible about saying a big Hallel for the first Breath we breathed?

(35)
Avi Keslinger,
October 22, 2012 6:23 AM

The Ben Ish Hai's birthday party

The Ben Ish Chai (Halachot, Year 2, Parashat Re'eh #17) says that making a yom tov and seuda for one's birthday as a good sign is a good custom and that he himself did that.

(34)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2012 4:00 AM

Birthdays

We marked birthdays in our family,but never celebrated.iI was always told that my grandfather (a rabbi) taught that being born is not in itself a reason to celebrate,rather your lifetime accomplishments were far more worthy of being lauded. Thank you for clarifying further .

(33)
Shai Mendelovich,
October 22, 2012 3:25 AM

I have heard this before

Good article Rabbi Bleich but I seem to agree with the earlier comment re: the Hasidic custom to celebrate birthdays. It seems the Hasids have it right celebrating milestones eg like your birthday; like birthdays of Tzadikim. I even know those who celebrate the 18th of Ellul Chai Ellul the birthday of The Baal Shem Tov and Baal HaTanya. ( Chai Ellul is also the yahrzheit of my ancestor the Maharal of Prague TZL!)

(32)
yishai,
October 22, 2012 1:58 AM

why we DO celebrate birthdays

Why we DO celebrate birthdays, from chabad.org:
Your Jewish birthday has dual significance: a) According to Jewish tradition, your mazal (good fortune) is dominant on your birthday. b) As a nation we celebrate those dates when special events that affected our destiny occurred, a.k.a. holidays. As individuals we celebrate those dates that have personal significance—and what is more significant than your birth? It is when the Creator said, "Here, I am giving you a body, a soul, and a divine mission. I have absolute trust in your ability to pull through for Me."
In 1988, the Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, of righteous memory, inaugurated a "Jewish Birthday Campaign." He asked that we all utilize this most special day of our lives to its utmost. A day to recommit to the mission that G‑d entrusted to us—bettering and sanctifying ourselves and the world around us.

(31)
yudah,
October 22, 2012 1:55 AM

another reason is 'tov yom hamoves miyom hivoldo' #3 nobody mentioned anything about it being wrong #2 can you refer to which chassidic book,s toldos, moer veshumesh etc etc?

(30)
Chavi,
October 22, 2012 1:52 AM

I was told by an great rabbil that people should say the entire Book of Psalms on one's birthday.

(29)
Anonymous,
October 22, 2012 1:12 AM

Agreed

As an adult, I too don't celebrate my own birthdays. I didn't do anything to deserve it. I may celebrate others on their "special" day, if they need 1 day a year to feel special. A birthday is only a starting point that occurred once; i see other markers, way-points, or goals as worthy of celebration. I celebrate being alive & I celebrate life everyday or on special occasions/events, not just one day a year (I know some people who are so self-indulgent, they celebrate in some way every day of the month of their birth).

(28)
Leah,
October 22, 2012 12:59 AM

I respectfully disagree

Rabbi Blech, I respectfully disagree. You had mentioned that "Why celebrate your own birthday- a day I had nothing to do with personally."
I believe that it's possible that a person could celebrate it from the perspective that Hashem gave him or her a life and allowed him or her a chance to do mitzvos to earn his or her world to come. I believe this to be the reason why many parents encourage their children to give tzedakah and do mitzvos for others on their birthday- to emphasize that it is a gift from Hashem and the way we show gratitiude to Hashem for what he does for us is to give to His creatures in the form of chessed and other jewish traits/mitzvos.
I recognize that you have not told others to avoid celebrating their birthdays, yet Jews who are new to their observance and exploration may come to be turned off by this perspective It sounds a little negative in spite of the fact that you have placed emphasis on other notable life events....All in all, I enjoy the Torah you impart to your readers- this reader heartily included.

(27)
Yossi,
October 22, 2012 12:30 AM

Zayin Adar

I love Rabbi Blech and his writing, but I'm sorry that I believe he missed out with this one. How would he answer, for example, how the Gemara in Megillah describes the rejoicing of Haman that the lots fell in Adar since Moshe passed away in that months, and how he missed that Moshe was also BORN in Adar? And what about R. Yosef who made a party upon reaching 60? And what about the days we DO celebreate our birthdays, like the Opsherenish and the Bar/Bas Mitzvah? And what about the Yerushalm (Rosh Hashnah Perek GImmel Halochoh Ches. And see Korban Ho'eidah there), that clearly says that on one's birthday one's "Mazal" is dominant? For sources: See Shaalos Utshuvos Ginzei Yosef Siman Daled. And see also Ben Ish Chai - Chelek Halochos, Shanah Alef, Parshas Reah, Siman Yud Zayin. Please celebrate your birthday, and many more healthy years...

(26)
Ronnie Pape,
October 22, 2012 12:09 AM

Birthday. One found.

Blessings to you and yours Rabbi Benjamin. In Job Chapter 1:4. It can be said that this may be Birthdays, each on his sons day. Thank you for allowing an answer.

(25)
ruth housman,
October 21, 2012 11:23 PM

why I celebrate my birthday and all birthdays!

Birthdays have an echoic connect to berth, as in we are berthed and then, we vessels, set sail. It's about JOY. When a child is born it's about JOY, and to continue to celebrate that JOY is a simcha, and no amount of intellectualization can take away that feeling of simple JOY in being alive, in being born for me. And what is borne in life, are surely many sorrows, but we have each other. To celebrate. A special day Well why not?
I hear your arguments and they work for you, but not for me.
I love birthdays, and I think we all love being affirmed, all the time, but surely the I Sing on the cake is a truly wonderfully beautiful celebration.

(24)
Mordechai Kruger,
October 21, 2012 11:23 PM

depends on who's celebrating

Rabbi Blech's point needs to be more narrowly defined. The example from Pharoah could show that one should not preen over his own arrival in the world, but surely that doesn't mean that others, including parents, spouse, and children, should not use a birthday as a chance to express a hearty, "I"m glad you're here". I know from a personal connection that Rav Moshe Feinstein Z"TL called his grandchildren on their birthdays.
On the other hand, a person could use his birthday as an occasion to reflect and set future goals. That can't be a bad thing.

(23)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2012 11:05 PM

Rabbi Bleich: Thank you so much for your birthday insights. I respectfully would add that though I had nothing to do with my actual birth, I do thank HaShem every year that he has given me the opportunity for teshuva and tzaddaka - besides Rosh Shanah and Yom Kippur. And also, being a cancer survivor, I like to think this is another reason for "celebrating" and again thanking HaShem for everything I have been fortunate to have, enjoy and learn from. I too wish you mazel, bracha, nachas and till 120!

(22)
Mikhael,
October 21, 2012 10:59 PM

Chabad Minhag is to make a big farbrengen in honor of one's birthday

Not that I am a Chabadnik, but two of the shuls I daven at regularly have Chabad rabbis (one is a Chabad House, one is an MO shul) whom I admire. Apparently the Rebbe told his chassidim to celebrate their birthdays and I am happy to celebrate with them. But as for me, it's not my custom and also I dislike celebrating my own birthday.

(21)
Sara,
October 21, 2012 10:31 PM

I've always wondered

I have to say that this is a great read because I've always wondered why my family isn't into birthdays. It was something that was celebrated as a child, of course, but as I've gotten older I've learned to accept that it isn't a big deal to others in my family and to not take personal offense to it. I am of the belief that possibly the day I saved a strangers life will be the day that I pass away.

(20)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2012 10:20 PM

Birthdays are an opportunity.

Over the years, I have learned from Chassidus to celebrate my birthday by reading the entire book of Tehillim and of giving others presents, especially Tzedakah.
This sits better than the expectations, often leaving individuals depressed when not met, of having a party and being given presents. I was given a surprise party at age 7 and at age 8 everyone forgot it was my birthday ....surprise.

(19)
Irwin Rubin,
October 21, 2012 10:19 PM

Be thankful!

I think you should celebrate your birthday and thank Hashem for bringing you to life and sustaining you for so many years. Your birthday isn't your accomplishment. However your birth is something you should be grateful for. You were born a Jew and given the opportunity to perform mitzvot. I think some gratitude is in order!

(18)
Fran,
October 21, 2012 10:00 PM

Up to the individual

Birthdays are celebrated for various reasons, one of many is gratitude for the gift of another year of life. Many don't celebrate them because it is for them a sad reminder of aging. I personally don't have parties for my birthday nor does anyone give me a party. But a gift is nice. A donation to charity is a nice way to acknowledge a birthday.

(17)
Joseph,
October 21, 2012 9:56 PM

Many Views

You may want to check out this reprint from the RJJ Journal on this interesting topic -
http://www.myvirtualpaper.com/doc/flatbush-jewish-news/may_27/2010052601/14.html#14

(16)
J.S.,
October 21, 2012 9:43 PM

Such a beautiful article -- may you, Rabbi, have many more birthdays!

(15)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2012 9:41 PM

No birthdays?

Sorry, I cannot agree with Rabbi Blech. Celebrating your birthday, means realizing that you have lived one more year. Whether you are going to make it to your next birthday is up to Hashem, but the fact that you have reached the present one should be celebrated. As far as 'yarzeit' goes, the deceased cannot celebrate anything, and those he or she left behind feel that person's loss ever more so on the anniversary of the death. So, absolutely celebrate every birthday, because celebrating every birthday is celebrating life. Besides, we always need a reason for a party!

(14)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2012 9:37 PM

I think Rabbi Blech is being overly modest. Celebrating one's birthday is an act of showing that we delight in Life and truly appreciate the God given gift of Life!

(13)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2012 9:28 PM

Celebrations are good

There are no prohibition against birthday celebrations so at the very least they are allowed. At best, it is a time to get together with family and friends in a joyous setting and that can only be good for the soul. With all the troubles in this world, sometimes a little comic relief liike a cake and a song being sung by loved ones is just what the doctor ordered. Also, it is a good chance to be thankful for another year of life.

(12)
Rivka,
October 21, 2012 9:16 PM

Birthdays ARE important

The Lubavitch Rebbe OBM, taught that on your birthday, you have the extra power to give powerful blessings, and that you should celebrate your birthday by doing this and including extra learning.

(11)
Frank Champagne,
October 21, 2012 9:16 PM

Another year of life should be celebrated

Each birthday is a reminder that we have been granted another year of life. I celebrate my birthday with gratitude. So many of my loved ones have passed, some very young, and I use my birthday to remind myself of the great fortune of living to seecit and celebrate another year with family and community.

(10)
Pete Bradley,
October 21, 2012 9:13 PM

Birthdays in the bible.

With the greatest of respect to Rabbi Blech, does not the book of Job also describe the habit of his children celebrating their birthdays? I read from this that birthdays are best not celebrated according to Torah although I can find no direct prohibition from doing so. Having said that I prefer not to celebrate them, mine anyway as it is up to the individual.
Pete Bradley

(9)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2012 9:03 PM

Next week is my birthday as well. I intend to celebrate, so if you want, you can send me your presents! (lol, just kidding!)

(8)
Chaim Graham,
October 21, 2012 8:58 PM

my birthdays represent the one day in my life that I truly feel good about myself, and the accomplishments (and failures) that I have experienced over the past 66 years. So, I shall cast off your "wet blanket", and continue to do so in the many (God willing) years that I have left.

(7)
Mort Maurer,
October 21, 2012 8:42 PM

you advance many arguements as to why you should not celebrate your birthday but not one reason why those who esteem you who are enriched by your presence in our lived cannor wished you the happiest if Birthdays Biz Ah Hinded un Tzvantzig

(6)
Eleanor,
October 21, 2012 8:35 PM

Happybirth day

I never understood why I should be congradulated on my birthday when it was my Mother who had done all of the work. When I realized this I started giving my Mother a gift each year on my birthday.

(5)
Malka,
October 21, 2012 5:44 PM

I think that a good reason to celebrate your birthday is because you are happy that you are alive.

(4)
Tzila,
October 21, 2012 2:20 PM

Birthday party

You forgot one more story that talks about birthday parties. What about Sara weaned off from Yitzakah when he was 2 years old? You could look as a birthday party or a celebration that Sara was able to nurse her baby for 2 years despite on her old age.

(3)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2012 10:20 AM

I also do not celebrate my birthday, but there is nothing wrong with calling your parents every year on your own birthday and thanking them for raising you!

(2)
Anonymous,
October 21, 2012 9:38 AM

I respectfully disagree

I love you Rabbi Bleich your articles are great.
I appreciate all what you have written Rabbi Bleich but nevertheless I feel you have possibly not fully described about all the various different traditions found in Torah sources re birthdays.
For example Chassidic traditions record the need to celebrate ones birthday and use the day as a day of contemplation/introspection in order to improve and grow in ones standing in Torah and Mitzvot.
Chassidic tradition records such customs as eating a new fruit and saying the brocha blessing " Shechiyanu".
Birthdays in the Hassidic world are seen in a positive light an opportunity to thank G-d for life. They are also seen as an opportunity to plan to do better in ones next year of life.

Gary Tolchinsky,
October 22, 2012 4:23 AM

Hebrew B-Days Do Matter:)

I agree with the comment #2 (Anonymous) and was grateful to see the power of one's Hebrew birthday on the chabad.org website. In recent years, this Birthday has become more
important than my secular birthday, and I believe there's an idea that the B-Day is like one's personal Rosh Hashana.
I agree that there are many significant Birthdays, as the
Rabbi mentions; but in some sense the source of all of those other birthdays was the moment we were actually born.
True, we must actualize that potential, which makes one's
day of birth all the more important, as we are forced to
ask ourselves how we are doing with the precious gift
of life we were given. Even with this caveat, this is a beautiful article in reminding us of all the other powerful ways which one can be "born" throughout one's life.

(1)
Alan S.,
October 21, 2012 7:30 AM

Rabbi Blech has written a beautiful article. I did have some difficulty accepting the denouement in his paragraph about the righteous passing on their birthday. While I of course understand it in context, I can not resolve it the way the Rabbi does. Anyway, I send my hearty Happy Birthday wishes to Rabbi Blech. May you live until 120 years!

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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