27 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In The NICU

When a baby is born early (prior to 37 weeks, in most cases) or they are born sick, they will likely need to stay in the NICU — neonatal intensive care unit — for an indeterminate amount of time. It’s certainly not the way any of us picture our child’s birth going down, but birth is notoriously difficult to predict, and...it happens. 11.7% of babies in the U.S. are born prematurely (that’s about 1 in 8), while 3% are born with birth defects, both of which are common things that land a baby in the NICU. Additionally, babies born with other health conditions are also admitted into the NICU. These conditions might include jaundice, anemia, bradychardia, or trouble with feeding or body temperature regulation.

Nothing can prepare you for the NICU. It will be an incredibly intense time. You will learn a lot about yourself and your baby in the process. I’ve personally had both of my babies in the NICU: My first was a micropreemie (who passed away shortly after birth); My second baby spent 2 excruciatingly long months in recovery from Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension (he is, fortunately, a happy and healthy toddler now). Basically, I’ve been there and I've done that, and I hope to never do it again. But for now what I can do is give others some of the info that would’ve helped me during my stay there. Here’s what others might not tell you about you and your baby’s NICU stay:

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Not Going Home With Your Baby In Your Arms Right After Their Birth Is Seriously Depressing

Every Day In The NICU Is A Damn Rollercoaster

And not the fun kind, either. My son’s first week in NICU had us all constantly on edge (both his parents and his medical team). They couldn’t figure out why he kept getting high fevers, his heartbeat would inexplicably rise then go back down to normal, and we were frequently worried he might not make it. Not every experience is like this, but when it is, it’s just the worst.

You Will Likely Become Dizzy Trying To Remember All The Names Of Your Baby’s Medical Team

My baby wound up in two different NICU wards, each with their own set of nurses and doctors. Depending on your child’s condition, you might meet a plethora of specialists, plus the day and night team. Do your best, but none of the staff will blame you if you still can’t remember their names weeks later.

Many Hospitals Offer Rooms With Pull-Out Couches Where You Can Sleep Next To Your Baby

Every hospital differs, but the second NICU ward my son was in had a couch with a pull-out bed that I spent many (uncomfortable) nights on. But still, being that I lived 30 minutes away from the hospital, it was worth the neck pain to be so close to my baby.

Your Friends And Even Family Will Probably Suck At Consoling You (Even If They Try Real Hard)

The Milestones You Celebrate Will Be Much Different Than Those Of Non-NICU Babies

The first time they allow you to stick your hand in your baby’s isolette to touch their tiny fingers, or the moment they’re extubated, or the first time you get to feed them all on your own... These moments will be burned into your memories and give you a level of excitement that parents of healthy babies will probably never understand.

Not Being Able To Hold And Comfort Your Baby When They Need It Is Agonizing

The Nurses Will Try To Be There, But Sometimes They Will Fail

I found my baby crying more than once without a nurse in sight and it killed me. Some hospitals just don’t have enough nurses for every baby, or sometimes there’s an emergency in a different room, or quite frankly, some nurses are just better than others. NICU nurses are more trustworthy and capable than pretty much any other humans on the planet, so trust them, of course, but also know that they are human and don't expect more from them.

You’ll Probably (Want To) Get Into A Fight With One Of Your Baby’s Medical Providers At Some Point

You’re Allowed To Ask For Second Opinions Or Even Call A Meeting With Your Baby’s Medical Staff To Come Up With A New Plan Of Care

If you are truly concerned about your baby’s care, you can ask for another neonatologist’s opinion. When my baby’s medical team thought he should remain in NICU for another few weeks due to feeding issues, I called a meeting to request his NG-tube be removed so he might feel more comfortable during bottle feeds, which I felt would aid in his recovery. They finally gave the OK, and he came home days later. Be vocal and they will listen if your requests are reasonable.

...And If You Stay Long Enough, You’ll Get To Know Every Single Thing About The Hospital

You’ll know which food places stay open late in and around the hospital, where the good vending machines are, the best places in and out of the NICU to take naps, how to get free or reduced parking...basically everything.

You Might Feel Happy For (But Also Secretly Resent) Parents Who Get To Take Their Babies Home Before You Do

When The Medical Team Gives The OK, You’ll Be Allowed To Do Small Things For Your Baby, Like Change Their Diaper

Changing a NICU baby diaper while they’re in an isolette, with all these wires on their bodies, is not an easy task, but I swear you will want to do it the minute they offer just so you get to take part in your baby’s care.

...You’ll Also Probably Be Allowed To Bring In Your Stroller And Take Them For A Walk Around The NICU (When They’re Ready)