Author
Topic: IS this right????? (Read 9084 times)

Ban them from your home. It could be a limited ban, or a lifetime ban, but ban them. Seriously, we have gone through a lot of this (though, bless your heart, nothing as bad as your OP) and the only message they get is to be refused entry. DH should be the one to explain to them that their visiting is no longer convenient, because it is his family.

It sounds like they have been using you and your DH for free food, lodging, and entertainment. My rule now is, if my in-laws want to visit, that's fine. I can recommend many nice hotels not far from the house. Too expensive, you say? Then maybe we should save the visit for a time when we can all enjoy ourselves more. If they do come, I set pretty clear time limits: no activities before 8:00 a.m., no activities that extend past 7:00 p.m. My house will be quiet and empty of all save us by that time, and no discussion about it. I know it sounds harsh, but that has been my experience, and it is much better for me to be up front and firm (not rude, though) about my expectations rather than grumbling and being PA about it.

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HogwartsAlum

Actually DH was suposed to talk to BIL about his "problem" with helping himself to my pills (had them for my post csection) or the money that we see missing when they leave. But....... Dh is not sure how to approach them.

Okay, I know they are family, but WHY IN HECK are you letting them stay in your house when they STEAL from you! There is no way on God's green earth that I would ever put up with that for a second!

I think making a mess when they were at your house while you were in the hospital is bad enough. Frankly, I think they have been looking at you as a free vacation, which is why they don't do anything when they come over. No way should you ever let these people stay in your house again. Maybe DH could say something like, "I think a hotel/motel might be best for everyone. Here are some economical local places blah blah blah." That is, if you still want to visit with them.

Actually DH was suposed to talk to BIL about his "problem" with helping himself to my pills (had them for my post csection) or the money that we see missing when they leave. But....... Dh is not sure how to approach them.

Here's how you approach them. You stop inviting them over. When they ask to visit, you tell them it's not convenient. And if your husband can't handle this, you do it yourself. If they push, you say "We're a little strapped for cash now, since some money and some expensive medication disappeared the last time we had overnight visitors. We'll let you know if and when we're ready to entertain you again."

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He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.

weber06

They're family so it's hard. And I'm sure that once you ban them the difficult MIL will get involved as well. I'd use your growing family as an excuse. Especially now that you have a new baby. Babies cry in the night. Not a restful spot for vacation. Tell them they're welcome, but right now the house feels too crowded and give them the name of a motel. Arrange to get together for lunch and dinner, but if they're not at your house let them fend for breakfast on their own.

And if they still manage to weasel in, don't have the house spotless if they're going to wreck it. You have three kids! Spotless is expecting too much. And I agree with the cereal and cold cuts. One really nice dinner and the rest of the groceries to a minimum. And if they complain about the lack of food or their favorite beer point them in the direction of the nearest grocery store. Good luck!