Ive been soooo emotional lately I cant explain it. All through this process I have had bad days and good days but lately its been worse. Im crying a lot, I did before now and then but its got worse. I'm so up and down I think im finding im worse towards the last bit of my cycle? So am I getting pre menopause hormone symptoms or am i just the 'normal' IVF depressed?! im waking up in the night with night sweats again, more so towards end of cycle. My periods have gone from bang on 28 day cycle to all over the place anything from 19 to 30 day. terrible sore boobs (never had before) cramping bloating.. blah blah..

I think whats made me bad today is I woke up this morning having come on in the night... you will get my drift when i said i needed a shower... I had no pre warn of period coming (like i always used to) it just comes and heavy. I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and my other half came in and i just burst into tears. I feel its just reminding me that im infertile!! its reminding me that im waiting and waiting for this donor egg on the NHS that MIGHT help me have a child. im 39 in September I feel past it with nothing to look forward too apart from a wait for something that might not happen. Work is depressing im bored stiff and not enjoying it. im full time admin im only staying here as the maternity pay is so good???!!!!! - oh the irony!!! in my group of 9 school friends there were 3 of us left with no children and are the only ones that work full time (no meeting up for the kiddie lunches) one of them got pregnant at christmas the other has had 3 failed IVF and has given up. Then there's me. the only one in pre menopause, hormonal as hell.

Sorry once ive started typing i cant seem to stop... What I want to know is, is it worth calling my GP to see if there is anything I can take for this? I dont care if its the pill to regulate my cycle?! with my Sh*t eggs and my other half's Sh*t sperm theres no way we can conceive naturally anyway. Even if we did it probably wouldn't survive or have something wrong with it. But would it muck up IVF in a few months when we start next ICSI with DE? I say months could be this month could be September!! Could the GP sign me off work for a bit??

For the record I have booked in for counselling at my clinic and I have called them asking for an update on the waiting list.. still waiting for the reply.

sorry for the rant guys xx

My god i just read this back to myself... I am normally a very happy normal person honest!!!!

3 Replies

Hi Blondyboo - are you actually me?! So weird reading your post - we're in EXACTLY the same position. we're also waiting for IVF with donor eggs - my periods are also mental (mostly spotting all the fecking time) with horrendous sore boobs. I've gone on the pill to regulate them - and so we can sync with our donor- which is probably what they'll suggest to you when the donor is ready for you too.

It seems quite weird to be on the pill when we're trying to get pregnant, but I got to the point of, 'well it ain't gonna happen naturally anyway' so I'm ok with it now. I'm hoping it will sort out the mental boobs - spoke to the clinic yesterday and she said that it can take a few wks for your body to adjust but that it should calm down.

DEFINITELY GET SIGNED OFF WORK! I've actually been off for about 5 months now, since we got the news of premature ovarian failure - there is no way I would have been able to do anything at work - far too emotional, crying all the time etc. Your doc will understand and sign you off without any questions - in fact, the first time I called for an appt, they got a nurse to call back and signed me off without even seeing me. Got to say, my GP's been fantastic even though he admitted he knew very little about infertility and POF.

In the same boat with you too about the maternity policy / staying at work. But I decided to leave - I'm just in the middle of negotiating my exit with them. They've been really kind about me being off for so long, but I can't go back - I decided that my mental health / physical health was far too important - I need my body to be ready for the treatment, and not tense / stressed like I have been. I think I'll probably need denture soon as I've been clenching my teeth like no-ones business urgh!

Anyway, my final thought is push push push for counselling. i'm sad that you've not had a session yet - I'm in Manchester and was offered it straight away, I've been weekly for about six months now and it is amazing. We talk about EVERYTHING, not just our diagnosis, but how to manage friends, family - those with 'good intentions but who are hideously insensitive etc - plus how to cope with my husband, who is ace but I often feel like I'm a huge nightmare to live with.

You are NOT ALONE nor are you the only one going through this. Sending huge huge hugs and love xx

thank you for the reply Wheeza! Wow we do sound the same! I have had 3 sessions with counselling 2 from the first round of IVF then the compulsory one with my partner as well that we had to have from agreeing to donor eggs. The first time i saw her i found it helpful, the second i think i was in a better place in my mind and didnt mind it as useful. The third with my partner It felt more like an interview to check we were ok for donor eggs. I felt we were saying everything she wanted to hear so we could be put forward for donor eggs! since then on this long wait i have got worse and worse.

Im trying to loose some weight as well although im just under the 30 BMI they stresses how much we would benefit getting that as close to 25 as possible. However when I feel like this all i want to do is eat and drink and 'have a good time' any way may not start anything for NINE months thats Septemeber i got loads of time... but i worry we will get a call then I will be in a panic to loose the weight.

So do you think its worth me calling the GP can he give me something for my periods would it be ok to take something from him or should i call the clinic?

thank you so much for your reply I was in a really bad place yesterday and wrote on here but started to feel a bit down with no replys! you have cheered me up! xxx

Yep def call your GP. He put me on microgynon which is what our clinic recommends. It's no faff for him - but might be worth checking with the clinic first.

Know what you mean about the 'being healthy' thing - I've literally sat on my sofa eating for 5 months. Listening to my well meaning skinny sisters telling me to get off my arse. (F*ck off!)

But, I've given myself a break and listened to a pal who just said 'screw doing insane exercise, just go for a walk.' She also said, take photos when you're outside, it takes the focus off your brain whizzing a million miles an hr, and you get to look at lovely flowers, trees etc. I'm doing this and really enjoying it. Good for your mental health as well as burning a few calories; )