This is the Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

JJ Hogstein, president of Weapons Brokerage of Washington, has run into his high school mate Warden (“Ward”) Nicklewort, senior vice president of the Association for the Promotion of Non-Farmed Seafood.

After high school their paths varied, but they bond whenever they run into each other.

JJ serves as conduit between arms manufacturers and buyers. He guarantees that every piece of weaponry he sells is war-tested like the depleted uranium bullets field tested by Israel, scoring effective kills of Palestinians.

They had bumped into each other as JJ was stepping into his favorite eatery the Royal Bengal Pavilion; of course JJ steered in Ward with him.

JJ has his life riding on bringing weapons sellers and buyers to the table, and getting signatures rendered on the dotted lines.

They exchange some old news, and Ward gets into questioning JJ over his Saudi arms deals.

“Ward, I know you are in the love-my-fish business, but who will buy your more costly fresh-caught fish when they don’t have jobs?

“Right now, the Saudis have a more than $100 billion arms order with us. Hundreds of thousands of jobs depend on these orders. And with MBS there is no stopping

“Ward, you know for me MBS [Saudi crown prince Mohammad Bin Salman] is kind of friend. [Donald Trump son-in-law] Jared [Kushner] introduced his deep buddy to me. MBS is most caring about American workers. See the money he is pouring into our economy, not just the arms industry. The way he has changed his region… the way he is helping us find the final solution for the Palestinians… the way he has put a lid on anyone talking of freedom and democracy… those Muslim Brotherhood guys… they are more dangerous than terrorists! They were seeking representative governments… You’ve seen what they were planning to do to Algeria… to Egypt… to Tunisia… praise the Lord that they have been silenced.

“Ward, you don’t understand the dynamics of arms sales. You can’t have a 219 member parliament voting on which arms to buy for the country… you need a guy like MBS… slip a paper in front of him and he signs it, and you got your deal.

“You got to believe when MBS says that he did not know about Jamal Khashoggi dying in their consulate in Turkey. He is just so busy signing weapons purchase orders that he has no time for things like getting his critics off the map.

“This Yemen war of his is like manna for our arms industry. The caring guy that he is, MBS wants to ensure Americans always have jobs. And for this he needs to have plenty of Houthis to kill. He told me that he has hired Erik Prince’s Academi, the security company that used to be called Blackwater USA… brother of our Education Secretary BetsyDeVos… and there his guys go in, even door-to-door and search and destroy all family planning supplies so that fresh Houthis keep turning up to get shot by weapons made in USA. I tell you MBS is so busy counting dead Houthis that he doesn’t have time to know what is happening in his consulates. I’d believe him anytime!

“These Saudis are much stricken by the Champ… Muhammad Ali… this Muslim affinity thing, you know. MBS tells me they only recruit top class boxers in their foreign service… He tells me that these guys could be world heavyweight champions, each and all of them, but they are sacrificing wealth and fame to serve their country. You remember Ivan Drago… the guy in Rocky IV? Imagine getting the Champ or Ivan Drago landing on your temples!

“I tell you, MBS told me that they don’t pay well for their diplomatic service… oh no, not like our high priced State Department … and Saudi foreign service guys moonlight as butchers. Naturally, they keep their tools handy… they have open carry in their offices. Didn’t this Kash… whatever, know not to pick a fistfight with these guys? He threatened to attack the 18 Saudi dudes with his iPhone. Apparently he disputed being tortured… like telling them give me back my fingers. He even argued that he did not want to bleed out after his appendages were being sawed off. Is this how you behave with your king’s representatives?

“We need stop asking silly questions like where’s the body? Or, that typically one calls the authorities if someone is injured or dies outside a hospital. Were authorities called? Like did we ask Obama why we took our helicopters to kill Osama Bin Laden? The dispute was they wanted to kill this Kash guy and he didn’t want to be killed!

“This is why this arguing Kash… hoogee… this guy got hacked by a bone saw.

“Ward, did you hear the words of wisdom spoken by Eric Trump? He said when we don’t have all that many friends in the Middle East… the U.A.E, Israel, and Saudi is all we have… And you’ve got real problems in the Middle East, so you got to live with them.

“Eric said what I just told you that Saudi Arabia has actually been our friend in many ways. They’re ordering from us, massive, massive orders that will create tens and tens of thousands of jobs. So what are you going to do? You’re going to take that or you’re going to throw all of that away?

“Ward, I tell you the three of us … myself, Jared and MBS love Israel… I think that President Trump should call the Saudi king and tell him this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”