Have you ever heard the phrase, "Because it's always been done that way"? It's a phrase that the artist in me completely chafes against. In fact, the rebel, musician in me hears those words and my first thought is, "Then I'm gonna do it different." Now I have respect for authority, rules, traditions and guidelines, but when this phrase is used as an ignorant disregard to proper explanation, I puke... in side, not literally.

In my opinion, "outside the box" thinking is more common today than it has been in the past. Generations of rebels (I'm looking at you Baby Boomers) have been leading this country now for a while but a call to revolution and rethinking and reinventing is needed today. What is common today was once a revolution. Next time you go to make popcorn, think about what you are doing and how you are going to make it. A revolution in the kitchen began decades ago with microwave ovens and now we can cook our popcorn in less time than it takes for you to listen to your favorite song on your Zune (I am counter-mainstream and rebelled against the iPod). Who doesn't have a micro in their house?

My Mentor led this same type of counter-culture movement and faced off against His modern contemporaries constantly insisting that things were about to change.

When Jesus was asked which commandment was the greatest, His very educated questioners were attempting to trick Him. So He responded with a simple- Love God; Love People. These very educated teachers had heard Jesus spreading some new thoughts on what it means to follow and obey God and they didn't like it because that's not how they have done it. It was like they were saying, "But that's not how Moses did it," or "That's not what Rabbi ________ says." In fact, when Jesus started His career as Revolutionary, he started it on a mountainside by telling his followers that people who mourn, who are humble, who seek peace, who show mercy, who are persecuted for doing the right thing- these are the people that will live in the presence of God forever. That was in stark contrast to anyone's thinking at that time. In His day, only the priests and teachers of the Law were "good enough" and everyone else had to follow the strict rules of the church. Sound familiar? Do we have any churches today that look like this? Do you go to a church where the predominant teaching is to follow rules, do certain tasks and perform certain rituals? Have you ever asked anyone to explain these rituals to you and all you get in response is, "because we have always done it this way?"

Now, I am in no way demeaning the rituals in churches across the world or the good discipline that a lot of these customs can encourage. However, we need to ask ourselves why we do such things and we need to be honest with ourselves about why we do them.

Back to Jesus.

Jesus gets done with His list of highly favored people and begins to redefine what it means to follow God and what it will cost to follow Him. He starts with the phrase, "You have heard it said, but I tell you." He is telling His followers that although they are familiar with the Law, Jesus has a new interpretation that more accurately describes the type of life that pleases God. He is telling them that just because they have always done things that way doesn't mean that they need to continue. Jesus came to bring us a new way of life. A way of life that helps us heal the brokenness that we see everyday. A way of life that brings Heaven to earth.

That's a loaded title, isn't it? Since this is my online journal, and keeping true to that statement, this post deals with what I am learning about loving others.

I have come to the realization over the past several months that I REALLY suck at truely showing other people love. What I mean is that I am a self-addicted person that uses love like currency. To the people that I love, I invest in them and shower them with loving, life-giving words and actions. I pay them "love money" because I like them. The opposite is true of people that bother me. In fact, I came to this realization while driving from Dallas to Austin and listening to Blue Like Jazz (audio books and podcasts are awesome!). In Donald Miller's book, he addresses this issue and even though I had heard him dialogue on this previously, it never really sank in until I took a good look inward to see the ugly truth that I suffer in this area of my life.

Of course, I have come to see this more and more in myself since this realization. I prayed that Jesus would help me in this area of my life and that he would expose the areas that need to change through His Spirit. WELL, be careful what you ask for in prayer! Not only have I found that my generosity of love is lacking but that mercy and grace are tied to love very closely.

Let me give you a "for instance." Recently, I have been dealing with a couple of people that are good, generous people that love me and I love them. When we engage in conversations, I constantly find myself reacting very rashly and annoyed and I tend to respond harshly. In fact, I have even had them offer themselves freely to help me and I react like they just killed my dog (I don't actually have a dog). I could not understand why I would act this way. Jesus tells us that we should not only love our friends, family and coworkers, but that we should love our enemies. So why do I have a problem with extending love and grace with mercy to others? Why can't I seem to love well?

This whole thing is tearing me up! I want to react with love but react with sarcasm. I want to react with understanding and patience but react with disdain and disgust. I want to react with mercy and grace but just get annoyed and bitter. What I want to do, I don't do. What I don't want to do, I do. Why? War. I have a war in my heart battling for supremacy. When I asked the Spirit to reveal my "love weaknesses" and asked for help, the war got real. The Spirit immediately started a good thing in me by jacking up my desire to love others more but the enemy was not willing to give up his ground. So my awareness of my lack of love started to become VERY apparent. The good news to all of this is that I know now when I react poorly and when I react more inline with loving others. That can also be a bit frustrating.

Sidenote: This "love thing" is not some passive, "door mat" type of apathy. No way! This love that I am talking about is a reflection of how Christ loves me and my ability to allow Him to love through me to others. This means that truth needs to be told to people that need to hear it but told to them in love. If truth is told to others without love it comes across as judgmental and condemning and that doesn't do any one any good. Likewise, extending loving grace to others with no truth can cause a numbing acceptance of ungodliness. Therefore, a healthy balance of tension must exist between love and grace and HOW to use these gifts must come from discernment through the Spirit.

Back to me (remember, I am addicted to me).

So, I have hope! I know that this change in my heart will make me a better person. I know that this good work that is started in me will result in more people being loved by Jesus through me. I know that God is love and that loving others is showing them God. I know that if I choose to be a blessing to others by loving them that I will be bringing a piece of Heaven to Earth. I know that my world is broken and that showing more love will help it heal.

Morpheus: I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice. Tumbling down the rabbit hole?

Neo: You could say that.

Morpheus: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?

Neo: No.

Morpheus: Why not?

Neo: 'Cause I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.

Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know, you can't explain. But you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there. Like a splinter in your mind -- driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?

We all feel that way sometimes don't we? I mean, I know I feel that way... I don't like the idea that I am not in control of my life but it constantly feels like there is something more to life; something bigger. The Matrix (1999) introduced us to Morpheus and Neo for the first time but their conversation is nothing new. In fact, this conversation has existed for hundreds- heck, for thousands of years.

We pursue all kinds of things in life to fill up this weird passion that we have, don't we? We aren't sure what our purpose is or how it got there. It's like the great philosopher Morpheus said, You're here because you know something. What you know, you can't explain. But you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. All we know is that we don't feel complete, fulfilled, happy, whatever, until we find out what that purpose is and start living it out. So we go through life trying out everything, as if we were a puzzle with a missing piece and we are shoving anything we can into that last space to see what fits. The problem is that this puzzle (that's you and me) is a three dimensional puzzle and the pieces we have to work with are two dimensional. So we keep shoving pieces into this gap but nothing seems to last. I mean it may be good for a while- an hour, a year, ten years- but eventually all of these two dimensional pieces just don't seem to fit the bill. So we seem to be stuck. Nothing really satisfies- the new car, the new relationship, the new book, the new techno gadget (I love those!), the new job- nothing! We seem to be living in "The Matrix" of reality from day-to-day.

The good news is this: we can choose how to live; moment-by-moment, day-by-day. We can choose to live as a blessing with purpose by loving God and loving people. Or, we can choose to live as a curse but now is the time for choosing. How we choose to live and what we choose to do with our lives has monumental consequences; eternal consequences. Let's see what Neo decides...

Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere, it is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window, or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, or when you go to church or when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

Neo: What truth?

Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else, you were born into bondage, born inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A prison for your mind. (long pause, sighs) Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.(In his left hand, Morpheus holds a blue pill.)

Morpheus: You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. (a red pill is shown in his other hand) You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. (Long pause; Neo begins to reach for the red pill) Remember -- all I am offering is the truth, nothing more.(Neo takes the red pill and swallows it with a glass of water)

Neo decides that pursuing truth is better than living in the bondage of the world with all its pursuits blinding him. We too have that choice- to live in the reality of God's Truth living as Jesus lived and taught or to pursue our own version of reality without God or Jesus. Either way, the choice is ours.

This is the appropriate response. When someone tells you or I that they are sorry for something that they did or did not do, the most appropriate response is, "I forgive you."

I have found that I tend to "typically" respond to most people with a simple, "It's OK" or "No problem" or "Don't worry about it." I have even heard some people say, "Apology accepted." However, I am learning that when I do this there isn't much love involved in the discussion. It is very easy for me to spout off one of these other phrases and I find that I have a much harder time actually saying the words, "I forgive you." In fact, when the tables are turned, it is VERY difficult for me to say, "I'm sorry... will you forgive me?" Just like the, "It's OK," phrase, it is easy for me to say, "Sorry," or to make it a bit personal with, "I'm sorry." But why is it that "I forgive you" and "... will you forgive me?" are SO difficult to get out? That's a tough one and I am willing to bet that I am not the only one that has this trouble. I think the answer lies within my heart; our hearts.

I can remember when my wife and I were first together and the discussions we would engage in that could get pretty heated. This is not uncommon for two people that are reorienting their lives to include another person. After all, we were two people trying to figure out what it meant to act as one... and we still are. It was VERY difficult for us to get to the point were we could admit wronging each other and then asking for forgiveness. Now I will confess that while we do not have this nailed, we have made some significant progress in our forgiving of one another. However, this forgiving business is absolutely crucial to a healthy marriage, healthy relationships and healthy life. In fact, the word forgive appears in the Bible over 116 times. Almost like it is important or something.

I have recently had a personal victory in my own life over the oppression of unforgiveness but will readily admit that I have uncovered other areas of unforgiveness that still need to be dealt with. Back to the victory.

For 19 years I have been harboring guilt, shame and anger towards a person in my life (let's call him Buddy). Buddy does not know about this. In fact, I have been very intentional about excluding him from my life. Over the past 19 years, I have been wrestling in my heart and mind with forgiving Buddy. Heck, I have even been practicing saying, "I forgive you" and have desired nothing more than to be able to walk up to him and say these words. I know it is right to do and I want to do it SO bad. So why can't I utter these few words? Humility.

I have been carrying around the weight of Buddy's actions for 19 years because in my heart I could not humble myself to forgive him. I felt that in some way he needed to ask me for forgiveness. After all, it was his actions that caused this pain and suffering. It was his words that hurt. This is not what Jesus teaches us about forgiveness. Jesus tells us that if we do not forgive each other, then God won't forgive us. Whoa- what?!? If I don't forgive Buddy, then God won't forgive me? But I did nothing wrong. I am the victim! Notice that Jesus doesn't say, "If they admit that they are wrong, then forgive them." He says, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you..."

This has left me with no other option than to forgive Buddy, but it has been hard to get to this point of REAL forgiveness. I first had to ask God to forgive me for not being able to forgive Buddy and I asked God to change that about me. By the way, I didn't start that process until about four years ago. I then started asking God to help me get over my own hurt so that I could forgive Buddy. Eventually, as I started to get over my own selfishness, my heart started to change. I knew that I needed to say, "I forgive you," and mean it. I now know that if I were to see Buddy that I could voluntarily and with no other explanation look him in the eyes today and say, "I forgive you." As I am writing these words, I am getting a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This is freedom.