It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked
trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse
went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself
in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun
to shoot the snake.
"Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot. I'm an enchanted
rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you
want."
The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the
snake's striking range. He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like
Tom Cruise, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally,
I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding."
The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house
you'll have all three wishes."
The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the
way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside
to the mirror. Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark
Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling
muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger's. Really excited now, he tore
down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted..
"My God, I was riding the mare!"

..............A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers,
which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been
stolen. He goes back into the saloon, handily flips his gun into the
air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot
into the ceiling.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MA HOSS?", he yelled with
surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER AND IF MA HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE
BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T
LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked
outside, and his horse is back! He saddles up and starts to ride out
of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say, partner,
before you go...What happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

HEEHAW...HEE HAW

Tue Sep 28, 2004 11:21 pm

BarbaraGuest

An Easterner has always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and
finally made enough money to buy himself the spread of his dreams in
Crawford Texas

"So what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew
out to visit.

"We had a hell of a time," admitted the new cowboy. "Couldn't agree
on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple
Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch."

"Wow!" His friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?"

"None of them survived the branding."
==============================

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat,
jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a
drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady
sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and
asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding
cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am,"
replied the cowboy.

After a short while he asked her what she was.
"I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I
am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women,
when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make
me think of women," the young woman said.