to buy loads of Boots cotton wool and baby lotion, then I'm going to walk you to the top of a massive hill, strip you naked, smear you in baby lotion, fill your womb with cotton wool until you're ready to burst, set fire to it and push you down the hill really quickly on your fat slidey baby-lotioned arse.

Found a skincare range you like, Judge_B? One that doesn't bring you out in hives? Right, we'll have less of that. Remove these products from the shelves IMMEDIATELY! Use this shit that makes you swell up to 5 times your normal size, you overly-sensitive twatfarm

"overly-sensitive twatfarm" (thanks a lot mum for your rubbish genes). I used Boots "sensitive" make-up remover and it burnt my face. I now use baby oil does the job without burning my face. E45 acts as a moisturiser for those who have easily burnable faces.