Petua Melayu Lama

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

National friendship week

Once there was a man. His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottishfarmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he hearda cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran tothe bog.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screamingAnd struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from whatcould have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparsesurroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman Stepped out and introducedhimself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life.""No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer repliedwaving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to theout of the family hovel. "Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes,"the farmer replied proudly. "I'll make you a deal. Let me provide himwiththe level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anythinglike his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proudof."

And that he did. Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools andin time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London,and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted SirAlexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin. Years afterward, thesame nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken withpneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name?Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comesaround.

Work like you don't need the money.Love like you've never been hurt.Dance like nobody's watching.Sing like nobody's listening.Live like it's Heaven on Earth.It's National Friendship Week. Send this toeveryone you consider A FRIEND.Pass this on, and brighten someone's day.

AN IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH: You had better send this back!! Good Luck!I hope it works...

May there always be work for your hands to do;May your purse always hold a coin or two;May the sun always shine on your windowpane;May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;May the hand of a friend always be near you;May God fill your heart with gladness to cheeryou.

Brilliant - gotta read

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.

Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night..........whether you're here or not."

(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)

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MARRIAGE (PART II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

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MARRIAGE (PART III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are hav ing a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed.

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

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MARRIAGE (PART IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

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MARRIAGE (PART V)

To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this fax, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed I shall be back home before midnight.

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table............

My Dear Husband,

I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who like your secretary, is also 18 year! s old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow.

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

AS I GROW IN AGE

Geng,I know we have another year before we touch 40. But the e-mail below makes me so proud to approach 40...Regards.SUZANA NAWARDIN

-----Original Message-----From: Raja NorakmarSent: 1 March 2005 09:59Subject: Fw: AS I GROW IN AGE

A friend sent this to me and I thought it was worth passing on. It seemedespecially insightful and funny, given that it was written by an older man.Hope you all enjoy this and continued happiness in 2005!

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all.Here are just a few reasons why:A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "Whatare you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit aroundwhining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usuallysomething more interesting.A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, whatshe is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give aflip what you might think about her or what she's doing.Women over 40 are dignified.They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle ofan expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitateto shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.Older women are generous with praise. They know what it's like to beunappreciated.A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her womenfriends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friendbecause she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn'tcare less if you're attracted to her friends because she knowsher friends won't betray her.Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to awoman over 40 . They always know.A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true ofyounger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a womanover 40 is far sexier than her youngercounterpart.Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are ajerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where youstand with her.Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it'snot reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40,there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself withsome 22-year-old waitress.Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when youcan get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of womenare against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying anentire pig, just to get a little sausage...(...the above thoughts are courtesy of Andy Rooney!)

Note from yours truly.... Very insightful and funny, dont you think? Saluteto all women out there who are above 40!!