With just a few more days until Valentine’s Day, millions of Romeos and Juliets will be planning for a special day. The National Retail Federation recently estimated that we will spend $19.6 billion on the annual celebration of love this year, up significantly from 2017.

The average U.S. consumer will spend about $143 on gifts, food and special occasions to celebrate the day, with about $90 of that to be spent specifically on their spouse or significant other. The rest will be spent on kids, kids’ teachers, friends and co-workers.

All that spending is guaranteed to help the economy; it will be especially fruitful for restaurants, jewelry stores, flower shops, card companies and candy makers. It will also likely result in quite a few marriage proposals (about 10 percent of proposals happen on Valentine’s Day).

According to a recent report by Creditcards.com, about 29 million Americans (about one in five) are currently hiding a checking, savings or credit card account from their romantic partner.(Photo11: AndreyPopov, Getty Images/iStockphoto)

But a few will celebrate the day with a dark secret they’re withholding from their partner — a secret bank account or credit card. According to a recent report by Creditcards.com, about 29 million Americans (about one in five) are currently hiding a checking, savings or credit card account from their romantic partner. This practice has been labeled by some as “financial infidelity.”

And if this information were to be found out, the consequences for the relationship could be severe. In the survey, more than half said they’d consider such an offense to be approximately equal to physical cheating.

It’s clear that this issue goes much deeper than just wanting to have a little money to spend for yourself; for many people, it signals a lack of trust and communication. The survey reported that millennials are the most likely to be holding a secret account; in fact, they were twice as likely to report they’d hidden such information. And the practice was reported to be highest right here in the South.

“Talking about money with your spouse isn’t always easy, but it has to be done,” said CreditCards.com industry analyst Ted Rossman. “You can still maintain some privacy over your finances, and even keep separate accounts if you and your spouse agree, but you need to get on the same page regarding your general direction, otherwise your financial union is doomed to fail.”

Talking about money with your spouse isn’t always easy, but it’s very important to relationships. Statistics released last year in Great Britain indicate that money is the largest cause of divorces; other studies suggest it ranks second only to infidelity. The top time for divorce proceedings to begin is at the beginning of a new year, after the holidays. (I recently wrote about how the holidays are the most stressful time for many people; it’s likely it takes a toll on many marriages, as well.)

How to start a conversation about money

So, in the interest of helping those who might feel timid about discussing money with your spouse, Forbes’ Lis Frazier Pack last year suggested some ways you might want to start the conversation:

First, set a money date. “Don't worry, this isn't what you're thinking; we're not asking you to bring your budget spreadsheet to review over a romantic dinner,” Pack reassures us. But it does mean to just have an open conversation with your spouse in a relaxed environment such as a quiet dinner or hike.

Secondly, it’s important to discuss your values around the use of money. In other words, list your top values and priorities, not as they pertain to money, but in general. Once both of you have shared your lists, compare them. Remember, what we spend often reflects our values. If these things are conflicting, it could signal conflicting values, and an opportunity to get on the same page.

Plan for your future. What would you like to do in retirement? Travel? Garden? Just relax? Discussing what you want to do in retirement may highlight some differences in your expectations, and you can work together as a couple to make both of your retirement dreams a reality.

Turn triggers around. We all have our “triggers”; those topics which make us defensive and guarded. If you discover a trigger in your partner, back off and cool down before continuing your discussion. “Think of it as the stop, drop and roll fire safety method,” Pack advises. “When you feel your blood heating, take a pause. Acknowledge how you're feeling and take a break from each other to reflect. Then come back together to discuss when you've settled down.”