I don't really like the word blog, but it seems pointless to fight it, Zis is a blog.
If you want to know more about an Algerian girl who lives in London and struggles with thoughts that are beyond the remits of her understanding, stories of society and social climbers of love and deception and of a status of seemingly eternal singlehood, then you are in the right place...

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

The impossibility of being Free

Lately, I
let go a little, started to wear baggy trousers (God bless that elasticated
waist), let my hair run wilder and spotted a few holes in my socks,
knickers and now shirts, I let go!! I think this is due to the fact I believe I
am naturally beautiful so basic grooming suffices, though I noticed men only check me out when I wear my hair conformingly straight, it’s like I fit more
into their mentally-etched image of the type of women they could consider
suitable, because anything curly is considered foreign, wild or difficult.

One day on a
plane back (to London) from Algeria, the guy sitting next to me asked me if I
was Algerian. And that got me thinking, even if I looked painstakingly English
(which I don’t), the very fact I was on an airplane flying back from Algeria could considerably improve
the chances I was in fact Algerian. I acquiesced to his delight that I was
indeed Algerian and to continue with the charade he said well you’re a bit
Shoreditch! A free spirit? Ha ha ha I said
to him ”No I am Algerian, I can’t be a free-spirit” he didn’t get it. Then I
went back to my nap from which he had yanked me to question me about the
freedom of my spirit and I started to think about that ….and stuff!

A bit
Shoreditch?? Moi? Well I never! Anyway, a long story not so short, that got me
thinking about the nationally agreed Algerian look and how wearing baggy
trousers did not fit into it. But more about
the very notion of “free spirit”, how it got highjacked and “shorditified” as
if all the twats prancing around Shoreditch in those uber-skinny jeans or baggy
trousers (depends on the level of Artiness or Lositude…or somink), blazers and
beards are free spirits or true artists. You can’t be the free spirit you’re
dressed to be if in essence you are actually conforming to the Shoreditch
image. Conforming being the operative word here.

As an
Algerian, who considers herself a creative being I realised I could never claim
to be a free-spirit simply because I know to attain the status of true free
spirit I’ll have to live a life of a hermit away from all societal coercion,
religion or any political distribution of power and social tourbillon of
conformity somewhere I can live off the land and recycle my own pee. But perhaps
I can claim the title of a rebel, who doesn’t reject all societal obstructions
and rules but fights some, rejects some and accepts some.

Besides the Algerian free
spirit does not exist; “they” just won’t let it happen! They’ll use the weapon
of mass oppression, the rolling of the heads with the lips in a downward line,
they will laugh at your strange dress sense and curly hair or semblant of afro
you’ve been nursing for the last 3 years with no convincing result; They’ll say
it’s just a phase, your hair will be straight again one day, and they will
attribute your beard to religious beliefs to save face with the neighbours or
will coerce you into shaving it, it’s inevitable. If the phase lasts too long,
then it could be a case of hormonal instability or it has already been decided you’re
a sore loser and all your quirkiness is nothing other than a mean to hide your
loositude (new word)! It’s just not you, so stop
trying to stand out and go get married or something, your peers got married and
died already and you’re still wearing baggy trousers and leather bands on your
wrists! Seriously!

So to
recapitulate; if you have: A pair of baggy trousers or über skinny jeans, some
kind of rainbow old t-shirt, quirky jewellery and rubber bands, curly natural
hair and no make-up, wash your hair less than once a week, don’t own a
deodorant, own a rusty old vintage bike, by vintage I mean stolen and have a
jumper with a hole in it, have enough creativity to border on neurotic, the
unexplainable desire to break rules and just the right amount of weird! Then
you could qualify as a conforming free-spirit!
But you’ll never reach full potential or what Nietzsche calls “The Free spirit
by excellence”

What is striking here is
that even the rebels, free-spirits, artists and anarchists who boast
individuality and rebellion find themselves following a certain look, a certain
lifestyle, they are manipulated and affected by the same ideas and images and
flux into the same urban worm-holes and nukes and crannies of the city (any
city) to live amongst other similar-minded people, to escape the more rigid,
superficial and shallow sides of the city (again any city) only to find
themselves delving into a not so different social tourbillon of conformity and
end up pigeonholed like I was on that plane and put in the Shoreditch box.

Conformity and rebellion
are part of or two side of the same syndrome, because both are reactions to the
same pressure source, though there are those who secretly question society and
conformity and there are those who secretly conform like the Shoreditch crowd
and whatnots. So you conform secretly, when you straighten your hair until its
burnt smell is recognised before you come into view, or when you iron your
trousers (focusing on that line that parts your thigh in two -yeah you know who
you are), you conform when you think being a free spirit is a way of
attracting attention and is often a call for help! You also conform when you become the
source of pressure!

Isn't it scary (and a bit
boring frankly) to live your life exactly how someone else's or because someone
else decided on the status quo and you are just living it within a line
drawn by a parent, a teacher or an authority figure or entity?And every time you try to peer outside of
that marked line, you’ll be called a rebel. It almost feels as though the “free
spirit” label was invented to fool people into thinking they attained and are
in fact allowed to attain a certain level of free thinking and being without
any barriers.

So my point
is (finally got there), you can be free to dress the part, but your spirit is
far from being free as long as you are shackled by temporary possession and
pleasures and can’t resist the tug of conformity and the imposing dams of
society, you will spend your whole life a laver never turning into the
butterfly.

28 comments:

You got me by citing Nietzsche ! So I want to post my own translation (with a little help from Google Translate) from french of what he wrote once in a letter. I think it sums up pretty well what you have said : "Luckily I am devoid of any political or social ambition, so I have to fear any danger from that side, nothing that retains me, anything that forces me to transactions and to caution. In short I have the right to say out loud what I think, and I want once and for all to try the test that will show how far our fellows, so proud of their freedom of thought, endure of free thoughts. "

Dez says:Wa'lah! Why? I'm confused now... I'm wearing a shirt and tie with elasticated waist trousers because of you! wait... even then I'm conforming. My grandad (born 1897) pioneered the look along with others of his generation with his seroual boutika (loubia to Hamidou and his cohorts), a shirt and a waistcoat. He had shaved his beard and went about bare-headed (no hat or chech) was called a heretic (I'm thinking he was called a *oof but my dad probably sanitised the story for my benefit) by his own brother... But seriously, I think we conform the moment we wear/readsay something to consciensously fit in. But if we do/wear/say what makes us happy then what does it matter if it is the same as the next person? afterall we share a huge amount with other so it is only natural that we have the same preferences. That's not to say that we have to comply to a certain look to fit in. Sometimes the conext decides which of the two we are. I go on holiday and my tanned olived skin and curly hair are suddenly the best look around (a case of Houhou yochkor... etc. here)., but come back to Blighty and it's more akin to exotic at best... which is funny considering that most of Essex look like they bathe in Nutella before going out). Anyway, the point is, being an individual(ist) or conformist is not mutually exclusive. The fundamentals of society are shared/common values/things... etc. And the shoreditch lot are the worst kind of conformists: they are more imprisoned in their so-called individualism than any perceived conformist... but going back to the very beginning... why??? wa'aalach??? I was having a good day til I got confused reading this... ! I'm too old to look cool (never did and never will) so this should not concern me... I best go back to my desk job which pays my mortgage so I can afford two weeks in the sun... I bet I'm the only one doing this... I'm such a rebel... Think I'll get a chinese tattoo on my arm... That's how I roll... in the lane next to the fast one...

DEZ hahaha the problem is that we conform to make others happy not us, rarely us!

lol @ in the lane next to the fast one...

Homo Erectus Yeah you have a good attendance ratio I give you that!

I will also give you another one (not literally if you know what I mean) lol - I am a cranky Philosopher- not on crack- living in my tonto baggy trousers, tonto skinny jeans, wear my hair curly permanently unless I need to conform (i.e. have a meeting/interview etc..) I rarely wear make-up and I cultivate neurosis to give me more charisma, so far not working.

You're a bit of a cranky philosopher yourself come to think of it...Excellent!

well I'm not so much cranky apparently.... at least from an outsider point of view ! recently my mum's friend told her : "how come ....... (fill the void with the name of your fantasies !) is not married yet ! he looks so "3aqel" (gentle ? nice ? what would be the right word my dear DzChick ?) and "wlid familia" (that's a big already discussed topic in here, so I won't bother to translate !) You should get him to meet some "bnet familia".. You should give him my daughter's phone (tralalala) ! she's sooooooooooooo marvellous and soooooooo "bent familia" and soooooooooooo.... blablabla"... My mother told me that and kept scrutinizing my facial expressions.. embarassing..

I love how your English self is so much freer than your French self :)You should always write in English.

And to get back to your comment, so your mum is plotting to get you hitched! lol that's a normal day in Algeria, get used to it :) at least she didn't actually invite the girl along with her mother or put a personal AD in the newspaper lol

I got to the point where I am getting some pressure from my mum, merely in the form of semi-questions like "oh I bet you're just scared of marriage" lol what am I 12?

"3aqel" in this context would probably translate to "Descent man/boy" which I am sure you are, but I bet she doesn't know about the rest of your habits ha!!

"I love how your English self is so much freer than your French self"You think so ? I have an explanation : maybe due to my mean english vocabulary, I'm not keen to elaborate more on things, to conceptualize, or to be playful with the language. While you may find my writings more "grown up" or thoughtful in french due to me mastering so much better la langue de Molière. I may appear more childish or superficial speaking about my mum's attempt to get me married (nothing wrong with that though) which may be confused with a "more free English self". Is the precedent paragraph a proof that you're actually wrong, my dear DzChick ?

Homo Erectus Perhaps I am wrong and perhaps you're right...You talk a good case there Homo Erectus but I still think you are freer in English, I read an article about some research that was done on how people's personalities change with the language they're speaking/thinking in and it didn't mention anything about the level of fluency in the language, it was merely how you perceive that said language and how you learnt it.

Blue Glad to be of assistance :P where did you get to Missy? How’s NYC?

I doubt people's personality change with the language (I mean REALLY change, even slightly).. Maybe some cosmetic changes, for example some crude words algerian girls may say easily to their boyfriend in french, but you can kill yourself and they won't say it in derja (I'm sure all of you girls know what I mean).. That doesn't involve a true change in personnality, in my opinion.. You can drop a link so we can read the article though..

Of course these are all studies and theories, but I subscribe to them, although i believe the main facets of the personality remain constant, the variants are less or more inhibitions, certain complexes that surface with certain languages, anxieties and other perhaps minor changes

I want to vent. Conformity in the Algerian culture is really making me sick. I truly don't understand where these people are heading. They want to fit people in one mold and discourage free thinking or colorful people. free thinking and challenging social and cultural norms is unacceptable. Not allowing people to think outside the box limits progress. their goal is to all dress the same, speak and behave the same way. you need to say machaallah, inchallah, etc...c'est unsupportable!!! I don't know what I am saying anymore, but you get the idea.

hahaha vent away Citro' this is place to do it.What always strikes me is that everybody feels pressurised more than anything to conform to the clone image, standard haircut which no matter how long you'll spend explaining to the hairdresser you'll still come out looking like everyone in the neighbourhood, the same outfits, the agreed one for every day (Levis jeans and a very distinctly cut leather jacket) and the agreed on for the weekend (A tracksuit - preferably Lacoste).If you wear anything different you'll stand out like a sore thumb.Well at least they’re all recognisable internationally ;)

I think you guys are talking about conformity because you live in cities. I'm not far from London but live in a small town where nothing much happens. No one wears Levis jeans or Lacoste tracksuit it's more like Primark tee-shirt and Tesco jeans LOL and certainly not distinctly cut leather jacket. I go out in my baggy trousers or ( oh so nice elasticated ) leggings with curly hair and a rucksack and nobody gives a damn as it's the normal look....On the other hand, when I think of conformity, I would say that we all conform to this consumerist society that we live in. we all have to own iphones , we all have to watch the same TV programs, we all have to go holidaying in the same places etc...otherwise we look odd.

Dz Chick: " I spotted a few holes in my...knickers" !!Dear, deardear, how unsophisticated you have become since last I directed your daily course. Here I was thinking you a high maintenance woman. Do you have even more nasty surprises in store for me? If you do, PLEASE let me down easy. I am so beat up from my 10 sweat-filled rounds with *Blue*, and my heart is still in a weakened state. I implore you to do this kind service to one wholly undeserving of it.

Hi dz Bella,What..? Orientalist!.. nahhh.. I prefer to be called Algerianist ;)Wallah I always thought that hijab and niqab are arab dress, please accept my apologies for being ignorant ;( and still around and loyal to your writing so long as you don't criticize us ;)Ciao bellaAvere una buona giornata di venerdi happy Friday