First-time moms over 40: pros and cons

Recent federal statistics show that women in their 40s are more likely to have babies now than at any time in more than four decades. (AP Photo/Sue Ogrocki)

It's not that Elizabeth Allison didn't want children in her 20s or 30s. It's just that her priorities were elsewhere. Allison, an assistant professor at San Francisco's California Institute of Integral Studies, was too busy earning her Ph.D., traveling the world and looking for Mr. Right to consider motherhood.

She found him -- Eric, a clever law professor with kind blue eyes -- in her late 30s. By the time they settled into married life and began trying to conceive, Allison was 40 -- the beginning of the danger zone for increased complications and health risks to mother and unborn child.

It took a year to become pregnant, but their daughter, who is now 18 months old and already shares her parents' curiosity and love of books, was worth the wait.

Is Allison glad she delayed motherhood?

"Absolutely," says Allison, who is now 45 and living in Albany. "I have a little less energy than some of my younger mom friends, but I spent a lot of time working on myself over the past decade. I'm a much more tolerant, patient and compassionate person than I was at 30. That makes me a better mother."

It's a sentiment shared by women across the country who are putting off motherhood for a variety of reasons, from infertility to career ambitions. Recent federal statistics show that women in their 40s are more likely to have babies now than at any time in more than four decades. Among American women ages 40 to 44, birthrates have hit their highest point since 1967, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

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Back then, 40-somethings were bearing their last of multiple children. However, an older mother today is more likely to be having her first child, a phenomenon that Baby Center executive editor Janet Ozzard attributes to medical advances, later marriages and changing views on motherhood.

"We have made great strides in our careers and great satisfaction in finding the right relationships," says Ozzard, who lives in Berkeley and adopted a baby with her partner at 45. "With advances in health care, we're being told every day that we're going to live to be 100, so having a kid when you're 40 doesn't seem so strange."

But it doesn't change the facts. At age 40, one in three pregnant women miscarries and one in 100 delivers a baby with Down syndrome (as opposed to 1 in 1,000 at age 30), according to the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists. By age 42, 80 percent of eggs are genetically abnormal, meaning they are less likely to fertilize or implant in the uterus.

Still, perspective is important. Some of the data on delayed pregnancy is outdated, and many of the risks can be avoided if 40-somethings are in good health before getting pregnant, says Marcelle Cedars, a UC San Francisco professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive sciences and director of the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at UCSF Medical Center.

"Most women who are otherwise healthy, with normal body weight and no diabetes, will do well with pregnancy into their mid-40s," says Cedars, who had her two children at 38 and 40.

Naturally, there are pros and cons to being an older mom, she says. The most common complaint she hears is how long it takes patients to shed the baby weight and bounce back physically, compared to their younger counterparts.

Larisa Casillas, of Oakland, says she "felt her age more" after her 15-month-old son, Joaquin, was born. Casillas was 43 and waited the obligatory six weeks before returning to her exercise regimen. Still, she wound up pulling a calf muscle on that first run.

"I didn't recuperate nearly as fast as I thought I would," she says. If she could do it again, would Casillas have wanted to bear a child earlier?

"I don't regret my decision (to have a child at 43) at all," says Casillas, who is now 45 and works for a nonprofit. "I walked into parenting with intention. I knew exactly what I was doing and arrived at a place professionally where I felt secure. I also got to see how all of my friends parented and learn from them."

Sara Jenez, an educator in Mountain View, says she wishes she had been five years younger when she started her family, but not at the expense of having children alone or with the wrong partner. Jenez met her husband, Ricardo, in her late 30s. They married when Jenez was 39, and she was pregnant within six weeks of the wedding.

"I would have loved to have relished my marriage sans offspring for several years, but time was against that luxury," she adds. Jenez gave birth to their son, Antonio, when she was 40. Their daughter, Isabella, arrived 21 months later.

Jenez says the most significant down side of being an older mom is that, at 16 and 14, Antonio and Isabella no longer have grandparents. They have passed away. So she and Ricardo work hard to keep their memories alive.

"The other day, Isabella said she was starting to forget the sound of her grandfather's voice," Jenez says. "That made me sad."

But the good things are plentiful and outweigh the bad. Jenez says she is wiser and more confident than her younger self. She is active and energetic, and like many women interviewed for this article, she says she takes better care of herself now than she did in her 20s and 30s.

Then, there are the financial benefits. With advanced degrees and nearly 20 years in the workforce, Sara and Ricardo had years of paychecks in the bank before they'd even met. They were able to purchase their first home when Antonio was only 9 months old. By the time Isabella came along, they were in an even better place.

"We've had a good foothold from the start," she says. "The stars didn't align for me earlier, so I guess I was destined to be an older mom. What an amazing journey it's been -- and to think, we have miles to go!"

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