Real conversation between me and Kirk this afternoon, after a few days spent maxing my brain on some pretty rock-awesome books . . .

Me: Sometimes I think I'm getting dumber as I get older. I feel myself trying to integrate all that I'm learning, trying to hold on to the different thoughts in my head going different directions, and I feel like I can barely contain them all.

Kirk: Well, you've got a lot on your mind these days.

Me: I know. But this used to be so easy for me. I just feel like I'm getting dumber.

[Pause.]

Me: Maybe this has to do with a shift in values, though.

Kirk: Yeah? How so?

Me: Like, I used to be all about integrating ideas, drawing connections between things, putting together arguments that made sense of how things work. That's who I was. Now just the thought of that makes me tired. It's not what I'm about anymore.

Kirk: Yeah. That's true.

Me: But I'm still afraid I'm going to miss something, or drop some important piece on the ground and not even realize it because I'm not working my brain on overtime. I'm afraid that will be detrimental to my process somehow. I mean, I want to fully harvest this season, and I want to serve the subject well. I'm just afraid of missing or forgetting something I'm not supposed to miss.

Long pause, both of us thinking.

Kirk: I think you're growing in wisdom.

Me: You do?

Kirk: [Nods.] It's a bigger picture for you now. It's not just about information. There's more involved in the process.