If she [a mother] is confident that feeling something is not the same as acting it out, she will be able to teach this to her child. His feeling will seem less terrifying if she is sure she can control her own. It will be clear to her that respecting his feelings is not the same as giving in to his wishes or accepting his behavior; containing his behavior does not have to be the same as squelching his feelings. Since for most of us, these distinctions were never made clear in our own childhood, we need as much help as our children do in learning to distinguish between behavior and feelings, in keeping our feelings while exercising control over our actions.