OK, this is a bit of a dirty trick…because, well, you can’t. We’ve all seen great people, who have horrible kids, and even vice versa. That’s why the whole Nature Vs. Nurture argument shouldn’t even be an argument…there’s a lot of stuff already in the hard wiring that you aren’t going to do anything about. When you wonder why your kid freaks out every time someone mentions the Ice Capades, maybe it was just your late, great great grandmother’s fault because she fell thru the ice one day in Wabasha, while attempting the first single sow-cow (you don’t think they started with a triple do you?)

That being said, however, there are some measures you can take, some obvious, some not so obvious, that will help to curb the a__hole tendencies in your offspring.

1.Just say no…regularly. My wife does…and not just to the kids…ba da bing! But kids need to hear no, not just so they don’t get spoiled by getting all the crap they want - that they won’t want twenty four hours after they get it - but also, because life is full of disappointment, and they need to get used to it. The date, the job interview, the bank loan, etc etc. Life is full of no’s and woes. And something that’s maybe even more important is, you need to teach them that sometimes a no is the best thing that could have happened, because it can push you in a direction you never would have thought about. Hey, it’s why I’m on my second wife.

2.Make them work for things…I won’t do another wife joke here. Giving your children chores, making them help around the house and contribute to the family unit, gives them some sense of responsibility, and allows you to drink beer more often. In fact, they should bring you the beer. Hey, I give bartenders a buck for popping a cap off, why shouldn’t I tip my own flesh and blood to bring it to my recliner? A buck is too much for a kid, though, they love quarters…they're so shiny!

3.Set Limits – Whether it’s the amount of time on the TV or Xbox, or how many treats and how often they get them, a child needs limits. Otherwise, you have yourself a little Kardashian, and on one wants that. Although a little Kardashian doll might be fun to let the dog chew on…but I digress.

4.Set a good example. If you are an a__hole, you can bet your child will be too. That goes for racists, misogynists (even if your child can’t spell it, they can be it), liars, etc. If you are patient, kind, caring, courteous, thrifty, brave…then your child will end up being a boy scout…or just a model citizen.

5.Be honest. To a point, of course. You don’t want to over-share, or horrify your child beyond their capacity to understand. But being honest with your kid makes all the difference. This is especially important regarding your own shortcomings. If you lie, your kid will see through it eventually anyway, so you only stand to gain from being straightforward. Your child will feel you respect them enough to be truthful, and that you are not perfect. It’s all about low expectations. Wait, what?

6.If all else fails, use the four G’s…the Golden rule, Goodies, Grounding, or God. The Golden Rule, well that’s an obvious one. Goodies can be used, with limitation, to incentivize not to do something heinous – “Billy, if you don’t electrocute Mr. Skippers, we’ll go for ice cream!” (BTW, Mr. Skippers is a cat, not the nice, elderly neighbor.) Grounding, be careful with that one, because that ensures your child is actually in the house with you. Finally, God…now, people go to Church for various reasons. Many people go because they are actually religious and believe what they’re hearing. Some go because they don’t care about football (Un-Amuricans)....and some want to keep their children on the straight and narrow. Put the fear of God in ‘em, as they say. Not feeling good about this approach, however, as the most rebellious, rabble-rousing kids I ever knew, were PK’s, or preacher’s kids (see Footloose). They push back against righteousness even harder these PK’s, so unless the path to heaven is paved with Jager and jello shots, you might want to stick with The Golden Rule.

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