Honest Consultation

Honestly. Honesty. Honest.

It’s so important to stay honest in a relationship. Now I’m suffering the consequences.

We went to see the therapist tonight. I cried softly the entire time during our consultation as we listed all the things that I should’ve told the truth about. Even though I know what I did wasn’t wrong. But I know how it was wrong in your eyes. How much it hurt you because I lied about it. How much agony it caused you. You gave me a chance to fess up to what I did. But I didn’t. I feared the consequences. That wounded you even more. Now we’re here, sitting in an office where you’re distance, angry and hurt. Telling her line by line of what I did wrong.

I’m just sitting there crying softly, staring at the painting on her wall. Unable to speak because I can feel your pain and it rattles me to the core. I did this to you. This was all my fault. Even if my actions were innocent, I lied about it.

I left, feeling okay.We’re getting help. We’re actively trying to get better. Were you feeling like this was going to help? Like we made a step forward?

Then we got home.

Why does it have to say marriage therapy? We’re not married.

It’s just a label.

I wanted a man.

I gave you the list of therapist to look through that night. You never replied.

Well you texted me the next day at two already finding one.

I didn’t want to dilly dally. They all say Marriage & Family Therapy.

We’re not married. We’re not family.

We’re not going to her again.

He’s going to find someone else. By tonight…? Please?

Stop nagging.

Okay.

The dinner I made you sits uneaten in the fridge. I write this alone in our bed, where I’ll sleep alone again. All I can wonder is how you’re feeling right now.