June’s couponing has gotten out of control. And the Thompsons are going to do something about it.

The Stockpile
The van is packed with toilet paper. So much toilet paper! The bundles tumble out when they open the trunk of their big mom van, so Alana tosses the bundles to Sugar Bear, who tosses them to June, who puts them in the house. I think this is the closest the Thompsons come to playing a sport in the whole show.

Alana reminds us why we love her with her attitude: “Let’s figure out where we’re gonna put all this crap, Mother!” They’re running out of room in the house, with all of June’s stacks of items that she’s gotten from couponing. The house looks more like an episode of Hoarders than Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

“I don’t think I’m a hoarder. If anything, I’m an organized hoarder,” June says. She refuses to admit she has a problem, which is just more proof that she has a hoarding problem. They sit her down for something of an intervention, but not much seems to be accomplished except for getting rid of a big black shelf.

The plus side of June’s hoarding is the girls never get bored. They get the plastic wrap, wrap themselves up and play “Battle of the Seals” in the yard.

Then, softie Sugar Bear plans a date to show June she can still put her coupons to good use. How romantic!

First stop: the dry cleaner with a two for one special. June admits couponing with Sugar Bear is embarrassing, because he’s such an amateur. She manages put up with him long enough to use their coupons at Wet Wet Cars, where she’s proud when Sugar Beat gets a free car wash followed by a two-for-one pizza dinner. Sugar Bear surprises June with a flower made of expired coupons as they enjoy their romantic meal at the countertop. Husbands take note: The way to your lady’s heart is through paper flowers, tear-out coupons and large, greasy pizzas.

Bingo Face

“Bingo face runs in my family, and it’s not pretty … except when I do it.” Alana says. Her sisters have been squinting a lot, making the “Bingo face,” so they go to the eye doctor for a test. Sure enough, both girls need glasses.

They try on pair after pair. June has a coupon, so Pumpkin and Jessica each get glasses. June says she doesn’t want the girls to go through what she did because she’s legally blind in one eye. Eye health is very important to the Thompsons.

Alana’s New Roommate

Big sister Anna moved out previously in the show, so now the rooms are being reconfigured, and the girls fight over who will sleep where. Before, Pumpkin shared a room with Alana, and Jessica shared with Anna and baby Katelyn. Now,the girls are fighting over who gets to live by herself.

Jessica thinks she should get the room to herself because she’s now the oldest girl in the house. Pumpkin thinks she should get it because she can “hold down a gallon of water.” Besides, she already moved into the room in question, moved Jessica’s stuff out of it, and declared she has squatter’s rights. That is, until Alana enters the room with her sisters and says that she’s taking the room because she has the biggest personality. Alana falls over laughing with what is sure to become one of her new catchphrases” “Three fatties enter, only one fatty stays.”

When June realizes what’s going on, she lays down the law in the form of a “niceness competition,” where whoever has the best behavior gets the room.

Seeing the girls competing to be “nice” is definitely a far cry from the normal behavior of seeing who can burp the loudest or spit the farthest. Jessica tells June she “looks so pretty today,” while Pumpkin and Jessica compliment each other back and forth: “Your belly button is like the deepest thing I’ve ever saw.” Awww, isn’t that sweet?

Finally, June sits her family down and says she has made her decision. After a knee drumroll by the girls and a loud train whistle, she announces that Uncle Poodle will be getting the room. Yes, they’ll be having a house guest for a while.

The girls seem so distracted by their uncle that they don’t even seem phased by the fact that all three will now be sharing one room.

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons