Author's Note:
Totally inspired by one of vejiraziel's pictures posted on the
LiveJournal prowlxjazz community. Originally intended to be a
one-shot, but kind of grew as Prowl demanded revenge.

- Jealousy, Part 1 :
Plushie -

"Wait, so you're
saying Prowl actually has his own fanclub?" Sideswipe asked the
human girl, who'd introduced herself as Liz, in disbelief, and she
nodded solemnly. "But...I thought you said most of the Autobots
besides Bumblebee, Sunny and I didn't have a big enough following to
rate their own fanclubs?"

"Prowl's one of the
other few." Liz replied cheerfully.

"Why?" Sideswipe
asked in confusion. "I mean, he's...well, he's Prowl. No sense
of humour, more logic chips than should be allowed, and more boring
than watching paint dry. He sits in his quarters and reads about
chess strategies on
his time off, for Primus' sake."

"I'm not exactly
sure, myself - I'm not a member." Liz replied honestly, then
straightened and peered over the heads of the surrounding people, all
there for the annual Autobot fanclub meeting (which was the only
fanclub meeting Prime authorized any of the Autobots to actually go
to, to avoid any unfortunate incidents with Decepticons). She looked
around for several minutes before apparently spotting who she was
looking for, and began waving furiously. "Sasha! Over here!"
Sideswipe followed Liz's gaze curiously and found a blond girl
heading in their direction. "Sasha's a member of Prowl's
fanclub, she should be able to explain to you."

"I'm not sure I want
to know, actually." Sideswipe mused, though it was too late now,
he knew. Like the curious cat, however, he couldn't help but want to
know - or want to share. "Oi, Sunstreaker! Get over here!"
he called out to his twin, and the yellow Autobot looked up with
irritation from where he was chatting with some of the twins'
fanclub, but came as asked, arriving at about the same time as Sasha.

"What is it, Sides?"
Sunstreaker asked, sounding annoyed.

"Sasha here...is a
member of Prowl's fanclub." Sideswipe pronounced delicately.
Sunstreaker just looked at Sideswipe blankly for a moment, as if to
say 'that's it?' Mentally, Sideswipe counted to three, and right on
cue, Sunstreaker jerked in surprise, and stared down at the human.

"Prowl has a
fanclub?" he blurted out.

"Oh yes, it's
actually the fourth largest." Sasha replied proudly, then
grabbed something on her chest and directed it upward for them to
see. "We even have buttons." Sideswipe and Sunstreaker both
stared at the button - it was a photograph of Prowl's upper body, his
usual flat expression in place, with the words 'OFFICIAL PROWL FAN'
written underneath in red.

"Sideswipe doesn't
seem to understand what you all see in Prowl, so I figured you'd be
best to explain." Liz explained helpfully to Sasha.

"Of course, I'd be
happy to." Sasha replied with a smile, and Sunstreaker shot
Sideswipe an alarmed look, obviously wondering just what the red
warrior had gotten him into. "It's really a lot of things, and
it's different for each person, but there are some basic things that
are common to everyone, same as with you two and your fanclubs."
The twins shared a horrified look as Sasha settled into a lecturing
tone, and their horror only grew as the girl described how Prowl
attracted many of those going into law enforcement, thanks to his alt
mode, and others who just liked men in uniform (never mind that the
design of a police car wasn't actually a uniform), and some admired
his mental abilities. For the protection of his own mental state,
Sideswipe shut off his audios when she started going on about people
with repressed emotions being more passionate in bed - it wasn't even
worth telling her that A) Prowl was emphatically not available, and
B) not of a compatible species. On and on Sasha went, ignoring
Sunstreaker and Sideswipe's horrified expressions, until finally Liz,
amused, cut her off, and with a shared mental sigh of relief, the
twins turned their audios back on.

"Sorry, I guess all
of us in the club are just a little passionate when it comes to our
chosen 'Bot." Sasha had the grace to look slightly embarrassed.
"We usually have to defend ourselves to a lot of people."

"Uh - yes, I imagine
you would." Sideswipe said carefully. Neither he nor
Sunstreaker wanted to touch the 'passionate' comment.

"Of course, it
doesn't help that most of us have never actually met him. We see him
on TV, read about him, hear about him from other Autobots, but that's
about it." Sasha said, they smiled a little wryly. "Sort of
makes our liking him a little absurd, but, well, we humans aren't
exactly logical. Even if Prowl is."

"This is true."
Sideswipe agreed a little more emphatically than he'd intended.

"We've been thinking
of sending him something to let him know the club exists, though."
Sasha continued conversationally. "One of the other girls, Tara,
was talking about making a human-sized plushie of him to send, along
with a letter or a card or something. We weren't quite sure if he'd
appreciate it, though - do you think he would?" Sideswipe
glanced over at Sunstreaker, who absolved himself of answering the
question with a jerk of his head. Uncertain, Sideswipe turned back
to Sasha and considered - he doubted Prowl would find much use for a
plushie of himself, to be honest. But, on the other hand, the look
on Prowl's face when he got it would probably be quite hilarious.

"You'd be surprised."
Sideswipe offered. "His office has been gaining decorations
lately - he might consider it a nice addition." Alright, so the
decorations were mostly put there by Jazz, and only barely tolerated
by Prowl, but the thought of getting sent to Prowl's office for
getting into trouble again and finding a human-sized Prowl plushie
sitting on the corner of the desk or something was strangely
appealing to Sideswipe's sense of humour.

"You really think
he'd like it?" Sasha asked, suddenly beaming up at Sideswipe,
and the red warrior's optics widened slightly in alarm, wondering
where Prowl liking the plushie had come into it.

"Tara will be so glad
to hear - she's been holding off because she figured it was just
creepy to make it for herself, but it'd also be kind of a challenge,
and her creative side is just itching to try it, so -" Sideswipe
grimaced internally as Sasha was set off again. Sunstreaker gave
Sideswipe a mild glare, clearly saying 'now look what you did!'
Fortunately, Liz was still there to rescue them, and Sasha was soon
quieted, saying goodbye before heading off to find this Tara girl.
The twins thanked Liz profusely, but she laughed it off, saying that
she'd had experience in 'rescuing' people from the 'Prowl fanatics'.
They thanked her anyways, and then continued on with their meeting
and talking with the various members of the fan club. Both Autobots
now took special notice of the buttons the humans wore, and found an
alarming number of the 'OFFICIAL PROWL FAN' ones.

::I wonder how Jazz
will react to Prowl having a fanclub.::
Sunstreaker mused later, after the meeting was over, and he and
Sideswipe were heading back to the Ark.

::Probably not too
well.:: Sideswipe replied. ::Remember
how jealous he got when Prowl was talking with those femmes before we
left Cybertron?::

::Yeah, Ironhide had to
stick Jazz in the brig until launch time.::
Sunstreaker said with a snicker.

::And Prowl ended up
having to apologize to the femme for Jazz's behavior, since he
wouldn't.:: Sideswipe said with a smirk.

::Makes me hope that
Jazz never comes across someone wearing one of those buttons.::
Sunstreaker added. Sideswipe agreed, and the two continued in
silence for a moment before something suddenly occurred to Sideswipe,
and he swore, almost swerving off the road. ::Don't
you know how to drive, you slagging idiot?::
Sunstreaker growled, having to swerve himself to avoid hitting his
twin. ::What's the matter with you?::

::I was thinking of the
look on Prowl's face when I told that girl he might not mind a
plushie of himself. I didn't even think about Jazz.::
Sideswipe said carefully as he straightened himself out. There was a
pause from Sunstreaker.

::Well, at least seeing
Jazz flip out should be entertaining.::
Sunstreaker mused after a few moments, and Sideswipe had to snicker
in agreement.

---

Not knowing how long it
would take the humans to make the plushie, let alone how long it
would take it to get to the Ark via the human postal service,
Sunstreaker and Sideswipe took to volunteering for mail duty, earning
themselves odd looks and odder comments. After all, going to the
fanclub meeting had been part of a punishment, even if the twins had
ended up enjoying it. Despite their efforts, however, it was
Ironhide who was delivering the mail the day the plushie came. The
twins almost missed seeing the delivery, but fortunately, Red Alert's
rants about even Prowl
now getting packages from unauthorized sources was loud enough for
them to hear through his office door as they walked past. So, for
once, they headed towards Prowl's office with gleeful looks on their
faces, and peeked in through the open door to find Prowl just
beginning to unwrap the package. Even better, Jazz had apparently
been visiting when Ironhide had showed up, and the saboteur was
already looking a little twitchy. Ironhide had also stuck around,
seemingly from curiosity about what was in the package, though he
kept glancing at Jazz with amusement.

"What..." Prowl
trailed off, his confusion evident, as he finally got into the box
and saw the contents.

"What is it?"
Jazz asked, trying to peer into the box, but unable to see past the
flaps.

"It's...ah..."
Prowl frowned, seemingly unable to come up with a description, and
instead, lifted the item out of the box. Sure enough, as Sunstreaker
and Sideswipe had expected, it was a large plushie of Prowl, made big
enough that it looked about the same size in Prowl's hand as a normal
plushie looked in a human hand. Jazz and Ironhide both stared at the
plushie for a few moments, and then Ironhide laughed.

"Seems like yah got
some fans, Prowl." he said with amusement.

"Apparently?"
Prowl sounded completely bewildered, staring at the plushie in his
hand, and then his optics caught on something else inside the box.
He reached in with his free hand and pulled out a large-ish piece of
paper with writing on it. His confusion seemed to grow as he read
it.

"What's it say?"
Jazz asked casually.

"It's apparently from
my fanclub." Prowl replied absently, frowning as he continued to
read - or perhaps re-read it.

"Your what?"
Jazz asked, and Prowl wasn't the only one to hear the dangerous tone
in the saboteur's voice.

"Jazz, it's just a
fanclub." Prowl said, looking up from the letter to eye his
bonded.

"Of course it is."
Jazz said with a clearly fake smile, then reached for the letter.
Prowl jerked it out of the saboteur's reach, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Jazz..." he
said warningly.

"I just want to see
what it says." Jazz said innocently.

"I don't think so."
Prowl said, subspacing the letter. Jazz's smile dropped into a
frown. "You can have this, though." Prowl handed Jazz the
plushie, and the confused look returned for a moment, "What
exactly I'm supposed to do with a plushie of myself, I don't know."

"Aw, they probably
jus' wanted to show yah their appreciation." Ironhide said with
a grin.

"Jazz," he said,
and the saboteur looked up with an inquisitive 'hm?' "They're
human."

"I know."

"I'm bonded to you."

"I know."

"I am unlikely to
meet any of them, ever."

"Uh-huh. Hey, want
me to get rid of the box for you?" Jazz asked. Prowl frowned,
optics sliding over to the box. It seemed that Jazz realized the
moment Prowl figured out why the saboteur wanted to box, as the
tactician abruptly snatched it away and slipped it into his subspace,
even as Jazz made a grab for it. Prowl arched an optic ridge at the
now pouting Jazz.

"Don't you have a
fanclub, as well?" Prowl said pointedly, then turned to say
something to Ironhide, only to spot Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. "You
two!" Prowl scowled. "I should have known."

"Us what?"
Sideswipe asked innocently. "We were just passing by and saw the
plushie."

"You were also the
two I sent to the annual Autobot fanclub meeting." Prowl said,
crossing his arms.

"Yeah, thanks for
that. It was rather creepy, especially with all the members of your
fanclub running around." Sunstreaker said with some annoyance,
and Jazz visibly tensed.

"Did you know they
have buttons?" Sideswipe couldn't help but add with a smirk.

"Enough!" Prowl
said with a scowl, also having noticed Jazz's tenseness, and pointed
out the door. "Get out of my office."

"Can we have a look
at the plushie before we go?" Sideswipe asked with a grin.

"Not in my office.
Out!" Prowl replied, scowl deepening.

"Awww..."
Sideswipe said with mock disappointment, then he and Sunstreaker
quickly turned and fled when Prowl made a move in their direction.
They weren't even at the end of the hallway by the time Jazz caught
up with them.

"So, Sunny, Sides..."
Jazz said casually, the effect totally ruined by the death grip he
had on the plushie in his hand.

"Yes Jazz?"
Sideswipe asked innocently.

"You wouldn't happen
to know how to get in touch with Prowl's fanclub, wouldja?" Jazz
asked with a disarming grin.

"Pictures and
alibis." Sideswipe replied promptly.

"Yeah yeah, I never
heard it from you, this conversation didn't happen, the pictures will
be waiting in your quarters a few days from now." Jazz said
impatiently. "Names. Addresses. Now."

"Of course, Jazz."
Sideswipe with a broad grin.

---

On a quiet residential
street in a small town in Oregon, a blond-haired girl named Tara was
walking home, listening to her walkman. when a car cut her off as she
crossed a street. She swore appropriately, only to pause when she
realized not only that the black and white Porsche was not moving,
but that there seemed to be a giant plushie in the driver's seat.
Tara blinked as she recognized the plushie, and opened her mouth to
say something, when suddenly the driver's door opened, and the whole
car shifted in her direction, sending the plushie tumbling onto the
pavement. Then the driver's door slammed shut and the Porsche sped
off with a squeal of its tires.

Frowning, Tara stared
after it, then cautiously approached the plushie. It was exactly as
she remembered making it, save for the addition of a sign around the
neck, stating: 'MINE. NOT YOURS. BACK OFF.' Tara grinned with no
little amusement as she read it, glancing after the Porsche.

"Somebody has
jealousy issues." she said dryly, then hit 'play' on her walkman
again and picked up the plushie, continuing on her way home. As she
went, she idly wondered if, once she showed the returned plushie and
sign to them, the members of Autobot Jazz's fanclub would finally
admit that he was taken and stop drooling over him.

- FINIS -

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