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He arrived in Downing Street just after breakfast and seemed full of beans as he leapt out of the vast royal Bentley he has been lent for a few days.

Madame Zuma was wearing a snazzy, fur-lined hat and a graceful outfit which complemented her statuesque magnificence.

She posed on the doorstep alongside Sarah Brown, at present the only wife of our Prime Minister.

God knows, given how cunningly political this one is, we would not want a second Mrs Brown.

The men disappeared for talks, the women for a chat.

Mr Zuma laughs after he made a joke as he delivers a speech at a banquet in his honour in central London's Guildhall last night

In due course, officials produced a rather thin 'joint declaration' by Mr Brown and Mr Zuma which touched on bilateral relations, climate change, nuclear arms, economic affairs, Zimbabwe and something called 'people to people links'.

There
was no mention of the fact that Mr Zuma's campaign song, when he stood
recently for the presidency, was that charming number Bring Me My
Machine Gun.

Just as the moment approached for the polygamy question, however,
Downing Street's officials had a convulsion. 'That's it!' they cried.
'No more time! That's the end of the event!' And waved their arms.

Apparently
Mr Brown and Mr Zuma had to go and meet Steven Gerrard, the Liverpool
footballer. Yes, it was that pressing a matter. They fled the room.

The Queen bids farewell to Mr Zuma today at Buckingham Palace

Mr Jacob Zuma talks with Confederation of British Industry (CBI) Deputy President Martin Broughton (left) and Business Secretary Lord Mandelson during a business breakfast at Buckingham Palace today

We scribes waited outside for Messrs Zuma and Brown to reappear. 'Would you recommend polygamy to Mr Brown?' this cur bawled.

Mr
Zuma, at this question, turned his back on us. He and his limpid-eyed
beauty Thobeka then clambered into the Bentley and were swept away.

As
they left, they vouchsafed royal-style waves. In the middle of which,
Zoom Zoom halted and changed his hand gestures to give me a ticking-off
gesture with his index finger.

Proudest moment of my career.

Mr Zuma and Gordon Brown pose outside No.10 with South Africa and England football captains Aaron Mokoena and Steven Gerrard