Tag Archives: PETA

July 21, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. Two of the most well-intentioned but polarizing forces on earth, Al Gore and PETA, have joined forces with a common and controversial goal: Ban all BBQs in the United States.

At a televised press conference held on the steps of the U.S. Capitol building this morning, the two urged Americans to cease all BBQing for the foreseeable future. On the one hand, Al Gore claims the smoke and heat generated from BBQ grills are contributing to global warming and will further widen the hole in the ozone layer. On the other, PETA considers BBQing to be one of the top killers of animals worldwide.

Helping to whip the crowd into a frenzy, an unidentified PETA supporter began chanting, “Grilling is killing.” And Gore fans could be seen holding signs that read, “Mind Your Ps & Qs, No B-B-Qs.” A Gore representative addressed the crowd and said, “Mother nature has a fever because of our obsession with steaks, burgers, and dogs. We can heal the world by shutting down these green killing grills.”

A PETA representative then took the stage and threw a BBQ grill off the capitol steps. As it landed and broke into hundreds of pieces, the crowd went wild and once again began chanting, “Grilling is killing, grilling is killing.” At this stage, fearing violence may erupt, the secret service was forced to bring the event to a close and send the crowd home.

March 23, 2009. Santa Monica, CA. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (“PETA”) may have another target in their sights. Cage the Elephant, an American rock band, may earn the dubious distinction of being the latest addition to PETA’s hit list. And while tempers are flaring and protests are planned, fans on both side of the aisle are prepared for a long, viscous fight.

An alleged PETA representative said, “While we’re not sure if the band actually has an elephant in a cage, we have grave concerns about the message such a band name sends. We’re afraid fans will start caging elephants and bringing them to concerts. And that’s torture; animals don’t like hard rock or cages.” A member of the band’s fan club disagrees with PETA’s alleged claims and commented, “People need to chill out. I’ve never seen an elephant at any of their concerts. And besides, even if they wanted to, they can’t afford a truck big enough to carry around an elephant in a cage.”

The band is currently on tour in support of their debut album which will be released this summer. Their single, “Aint No Rest For the Wicked,” is gaining a lot of airplay, but the band’s new found success is what has some PETA sympathizerson their trail. “There is no way I’ll let some rock band from Kentucky throw elephants in cages and profit from it,” said Jenny Bry, a long-time animal activist. “First it was circuses, then movies like Babar and Dumbo, and now rock bands are exploiting elephants. This must stop. We’ll protest outside every one of their concerts if we have to.”