Life is a journey influenced by the words we speak, read, think and hear. Where have a choice, maximizing our exposure to words that make us grow and beauty in all its forms makes the journey so much better. My blog is about those choices of words, sights and sounds.

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Thursday, February 21, 2013

Anger - How do You Deal?

What do you do when you're angry? Do you scream and say things you regret later? Do you scream and say things you do mean and have been holding in for a long time? Maybe you retreat, withdraw. Maybe you stew and give the person the silent treatment.We all deal with it differently don't we?

I used to personalize someone else's anger even if their anger was completely baseless. You know, the kind of person who blames everything on you because nothing that goes wrong in their life could possibly be their fault? Yeah, I was stupid enough to buy into that for a while. Fun times!

Over a great part of my life I learned that anger is bad, we aren't supposed to get angry. And if I caused someone else anger the right response was acceptance of the blame and walking on eggshells in order to avoid raising their anger again. I stuffed my anger.

Anger turned inwards becomes depression and that's exactly where all this got me. Then I learned to recognize and accept my own anger. It's been a liberating experience.

Like everyone, sometimes my anger is justified and sometimes it is not. Sometimes my first reaction is anger but, upon reflection, I discover that my anger is really a defensive reaction or my response to some insecurity that someone has touched or simply my irritability over little things because I'm stressed or sleep-deprived.

I don't like the way anger feels. It's uncomfortable. I feel shaky inside, if that makes sense. My heart pounds, my chest tightens. I hate it. And I can't focuswhen I'm angry or when there is any issue in an important relationship.

The silent treatment - I don't get it. I may walk away for a bit, to calm myself and get rid of that shaky, can't-think-straight feeling but I want to talk about it soon and get it behind us, move on. It drives me crazy until that happens.

I don't understand what prolonged silence toward someone important to you accomplishes. You stew. You put a lot of energy into your anger. You distance yourself from the person you're angry with. Why not resolve it one way or the other right away? What do you gain from silence? It upsets everyone for longer than necessary. It's a waste of time and energythat is better spent somewhere else.

Am I wrong? Do you give people the silent treatment when you're angry? Is it a good option?

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About Me

I'm a middle-aged woman who has finally made the leap into developing a long held passion - writing. I've had great experiences and crappy ones in my life, like everyone. Writing keeps me sane, clears my head. I know without a doubt that it saved me many times in my life. It's my outlet. Besides being how I work through difficulties it is also where I explore things I think about or wonder about. It's where I indulge myself. It's where I think through things that intrigue me or pique my interest and it's where I can let my fantasies come to life.