The debate was marked more by the candidates' agreement than anything else, illustrated in a round in which they were asked a string of yes-or-no questions.

All seven participants said they would work to keep federal funding away from organizations that perform or promote abortions; to revive an attempt to reform Social Security by offering personal retirement accounts; and to oppose a government-run universal health insurance system.

They all vowed to increase funding for abstinence education, to veto hate crimes legislation and to oppose embryonic stem cell research. They all agreed multiculturalism "weakens and divides" the country.

So much for Paul's libertarianism. The man wants taxpayer-funded no-fucking classes and a government prohibition on scientific studies. Oh well. I suppose those poor schmucks without any retirement income will sustain themselves with the knowledge their taxes are being spent on Bible lessons for horny teens.

The debaters also took their turns whacking the empty chair:

That didn't stop questioners from addressing the front-runners who didn't attend.

Giuliani, Romney and McCain were all asked questions about abortion and gay rights. All, of course, went unanswered.

Just like the debaters' prayers to their deity.

The loons in charge of the debate vow that the G.O.P. frontrunners will rue the day they crossed the "values voters."

"They will regret the decision," said Jan Folger, president of Faith2Action and a member of the debate host committee. "Because they snubbed us, they will not win, because we will not follow their lead."

And their wives shall be barren and their crops shall wither in the fields and the Lord thy God shall spew them out of His mouth like a big slug from a stale cup of coffee with cigarette butts floating thereon.