Thursday, May 30, 2013

This morning I said to a friend "yesterday I was happy for the first time in about 3 months."

2013 has been a rough year so far.

Work has been hectic. I am juggling three client assignments right now, and am used to only one. It's good for my career in the long-term, but in the short-term, it's been a struggle. I'm not used to struggling at work. I'm used to being a badass. I have learned a lot in the process...foremost of which is I prefer being a badass to struggling.

My health has been, shall we say, less than optimal. I've been to the doctor more so far this year than in the previous 5 years. Short version: I have two long-term health issues. One has been dealt with temporarily through a minor surgery. The surgery went fine, though I was very nervous about it. Waiting and getting my blood drawn were the hardest parts. Now, it's a wait and see game. The other issue I will be taking medication for the rest of my life. Always fun.

Personal life has been ... I don't have a good adjective here. My constant companions anxiety and depression have been seductively close to me for the past few months. Sometimes I can see through their masks to the liars underneath, but sometimes the bed with the black satin sheets just looks so inviting that I tumble in. And once I'm there, I don't really want to leave.

This is just more evidence that struggling sucks. File that under things-you-already-knew.

Anyhow, I've been thinking for a while that getting back to writing would be good for me. I don't know how funny or sarcastic I'll be. But I'll be me. Whichever me I am at the moment.