tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post1309970500474349871..comments2015-12-07T19:56:39.499-05:00Comments on The Public Query Slushpile: Query- BOOMRick Daleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1588509537601105804.post-9068655784457836632013-03-19T12:31:33.085-04:002013-03-19T12:31:33.085-04:00Even when a story is told through two POVs, it&#39...Even when a story is told through two POVs, it&#39;s generally a good idea to stick to one for the query. You set this up so we care about Boom, and then -- boom! -- you tell us (in effect) &quot;never mind about her, I really want you to care about this other person.&quot; Except I&#39;m irritated with you, because, if I liked and was interested in Boom, I want to know HER story, not someone else&#39;s. Plus, you&#39;ve already pulled the rug out of me once (promising Boom&#39;s story and then giving me someone else&#39;s), so I&#39;m going to be cautious about caring for the next character, for fear you&#39;ll do the same thing again. The absolutely last thing you want is for the reader (agent, editor or end reader) forcing herself to remain distant from your characters. Try again with just one character&#39;s story, mentioning the other one only by reference to how it affects the first one. E.g., &quot;Boom is hired by a guy named Miles, who tells her they&#39;re going to ...., but she quickly figures out he&#39;s not telling her the whole truth, because ....&quot; That&#39;s not great writing, just an example of how the subject of the verbs should be ONE of the two characters, with the other one being the object or a subsidiary clause. Keep the focus on one protagonist, even if the story has two.gjhttp://tthewritegin.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com