life in a snowglobe

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i find myself walking around lately
equal parts pain and bliss
my physical form continues to deteriorate
it seems like this now current state of pain
has somehow always been there
i have a hard time remembering what it was like
getting through the day without it
this body has become so heavy, so weighed down

it’s a blessing in disguise

this deadweight is an anchor to a world
that i will soon leave behind
the earth can keep my body
my spirit is already leaving
free from the tethers of the mass it leaves below

bliss is feeling pain and not being owned by it
bliss is having the clarity to know that everything “man-made” is trivial
(and that applies to your social, econmic and authoritarian structures)
bliss, true bliss is no longer caring about anything

I’m sick of people clinging to “mental illnesses” as an excuse or a crutch
There is no such thing as mental illness
We were crafted in the void and released with an individual purpose
Within us are tools to help us accomplish our purpose
Not everyone is a screwdriver
Just because you’re not assembled like the other screwdrivers
doesn’t mean that you have a “mental illness”
it means you were built for something else.

If you are clinically “insane”,
embrace it,
use it,
let it guide you
fuck society
they don’t know what you are here to do
they will try to force you to be a screwdriver
when you’re a mother fucking chainsaw

stop trying to fit in
stop using “mental illness” as an excuse
Find your own path
own yourself and all that you are
even if they can’t understand.

i must confess
i don’t care who or what you worship
i don’t care who is, or who isn’t president
i don’t care if you’re conservative or liberal
i don’t care about “my” country or “your” country
i don’t care about equal rights or unequal rights
i don’t care about race
i don’t care about taxes
i don’t care about promotions or demotions
i don’t care about my issues or your issues
i don’t care about what’s trending on netflix or facebook
i don’t care about your face in your selfies
(if you want my interest, feed the beast and show more tits)
i don’t care what pleases you
i don’t care what offends you
it’s all just clutter to me
pile after pile of bullshit
why should it matter?
i’m so over the pettiness of human existence
just shut the fuck up

Sitting here with the swirl in my gut
how quickly the nothingness can spread
when it has nothing to focus on.
Nothing,
squared,
eternity.
Time ticks forward
Life passes by
Motivation, Motives
lost on me, because I don’t care.

I have no desire to impress anyone.
Social media sickens me
I don’t need your reassurance that I’m living a productive life
because I don’t care.
I used to care, it used to add a spring in my step
I might impress someone that will turn into a cool friend to have
I’ll be their cool friend too, because I’m impressive.
Fuck that.
Why would I want to impress you?
It’s all human novelty or vanity, or something..
and either way I have no use for it.

So yeah, I’m sitting here at 3 in the morning
an “artist” staring at a white screen,
typing out whatever garbage comes to my mind
Why?
Because it’s easier than actually creating something.
I could create art on canvas,
I could write or record a song,
but that requires too much effort.
I have no motivation, no reason to create anything

I was spoiled by your presence
and as I sit here part of me thinks
that you just went to the bathroom quick
and that my door will come squeaking open
I’ll hear the beads rattle
and I’ll see your beautiful face come through.
I’ll tell you that I love you
and you tell me that you love me back
you walk over to the bed and plop down
I shut down my computer, turn off the monitor
spin around in the chair in some stupid action pose
you smile,
I smile and unplug the Chrismas lights that were illuminating the room
darkness floods the room,
with the exception of the red numbers of the alarm clock
I don’t really need to see anyways
I could feel your pull in pitch darkness
from 100 miles away
but you weren’t 100 miles away
no, you were just a few feet away
and so with just a few steps I met you in the dark
and reminded you that I love you again.