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Aurora theater shooting, six months later: Loss, grief and recovery

By John IngoldThe Denver Post

Posted:
01/20/2013 12:01:00 AM MST

Bonnie Kate Pourciau, left, poses for a photo with her family, from second left, mother Kathleen, siblings Madeline, Aiden Rose, Noah, Ian, Davis, and Emma Mae, at their Baton Rouge, La., home. Bonnie Kate Pourciau was shot in the left knee in the Aurora theater shooting in July, 2012. Since then, she s had five surgeries and still needs crutches or a wheelchair to get around. The pain in her leg is fairly constant. (Heather McClelland, The Baton Rouge Advocate)

"Six months is not a drop in the bucket compared to the amount of time a person needs to grieve for their child." — Caren Teves, mother of Aurora theater shooting victim Alex Teves

AURORA — The sidewalk leading to the only public memorial for the Aurora theater shooting victims is unshoveled.

The footprints to the memorial are sinking into mud. The heart that someone traced in the snow with their shoe is melting.

And the memorial sign itself — a white metal sheet with the words "Thank you for the outpouring of love and support for the victims of the 7/20 tragedy. Always remember." — still has on the back the shipping instructions from the company that made it.

Six Months Later

Six months after the July 20, 2012, mass shooting that left 12 dead and 58 wounded at an Aurora movie theater, victims, families and friends speak out about loss, grief and recovery.

Six months after the shootings, nothing about this place of grieving feels permanent. And maybe that's as it should be because, with anything big in life, six months is never a destination.

Six months is only a waypoint.

There were 60 people six months ago who spilled out of the Century Aurora 16 theater — across the street from the memorial sign — with gunshot wounds. Ten more lay dead inside. Two of the wounded died at the hospital.

Today, there are officially 82 victims named in the charges against the accused shooter. Hundreds more — the number stretches to include family members of the injured and the slain, police officers, firefighters, paramedics and hospital nurses — were stricken by the tragedy.

And over the last six months, each one has walked his or her own path of grief, of loss, of recovery.

The community of victims in this tragedy was always a happenstance one. What binds people in a movie theater together besides the ticket to get in?

Six months later, some victims and survivors of the theater shooting have found solace in togetherness. They sit next to one another in court hearings. They hold news conferences to discuss gun control.

But it is a mistake to think of them as a single unit.

While some victims denounced the re-opening of the theater, others said they wanted to go. Some victims are asking for the accused shooter to face the death penalty; others say they have forgiven him.

After the shooting, victims' groups built a website — http://www.aurorastrong.bluesunsupport.com/ — where shooting victims and community members can learn about traumatic grieving and find services. At least 100 people have signed up for an account.

"It would be easier to cope with this if AJ had gotten drunk and smashed his car. But this is so random, and it is so hateful. It is so violent to die in that sort of a way." — John Hoover, uncle of Aurora theater shooting victim AJ Boik

There is no right way to hurt.

It sounds trite, but there it is: There is no emotional stage victims should be in at six months.

"It's OK for them to be wherever they're at right now," Curt Drennen, the manager of Disaster Behavioral Health Services for the state Health Department, said of the theater shooting's victims.

It is important for people to recognize the danger signs that signal a need for immediate help — persistent fatigue or loss of appetite; recurring thoughts of hopelessness or lack of control. But all grieving and recovery takes time, Drennen says.

"You may have intense grief at one point, then go into anger," Drennen said. "You may go through a point of recovery and acceptance, and then find yourself back in grief and loss."

"The grieving process is going to be different for every individual."

Six months is just a beginning.

"It's taken up until this point for a lot of us to talk about it and be able to converse about it. Being with the other victims, it's been a weight off your shoulders. Everyone has this bond. When I'm with the other victims, honestly, it's like a family." — Shooting survivor Jansen Young, whose boyfriend, Jon Blunk, was killed in the attack

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