Dear Abby: Allergies deter turkey dinner attendance

Dear Abby: A family member has six cats and wants to have the Thanksgiving meal at her house. Every time I eat there, I find cat hair on the table, on the plates and in the food. I don’t want to cause hard feelings, but how do I handle this? I’m allergic to cats. — Hold the Fur in Amarillo, Texas

Dear Hold the Fur: Your health must come first. Arrange to celebrate Thanksgiving elsewhere and curtail your visit. If the relative attempts to “guilt” you into changing plans, explain you cannot because you have become allergic to cat hair and dander and your doctor has instructed you to avoid exposure.

Dear Abby: A friend’s daughter was married several years ago. I attended the shower and her wedding, and gave gifts for both.

Two months after the wedding, I received a thank-you note in which a form letter was enclosed that read, “By the way, we are now separated and getting a divorce.” I was shocked not only by the news, but even more that my gifts were not returned with the divorce announcement.

This young lady is now being married again to a different man. If I attend the shower/wedding, am I obligated to give her another set of gifts? Or should I skip the shower and go to the wedding without giving another gift? What is proper in this case? — Confused in Massachusetts

Dear Confused: The rule of etiquette regarding disposition of wedding gifts when a couple divorces after a short time is any unused items (preferably in their original packaging) go back to the givers. To return cookware, linens, china, glassware, etc., that have been used is impractical, so please don’t hold a grudge.

If you decide to attend the shower and/or wedding for your friend’s daughter, it is customary to give a gift.

Dear Abby: I recently began a new job, and although I love what I do, I have one problem. My boss, “Harold,” does not like eating lunch by himself. Every day, he asks me what I’m doing for lunch. If I say I brought my lunch, he wants me to eat it in his office with him. If I tell him I’m going out, he wants us to go out together.

I don’t think he’s attracted to me; I just think he hates being alone. He’s entirely too clingy, and I feel my lunch break is supposed to be a time to do whatever I want to do.

I don’t think the last lady who worked for him had a problem with this, but I do. — Lunch Buddy in South Carolina

Dear Lunch Buddy: Tell your boss politely but firmly you need your lunch hour to perform personal tasks — go shopping, make personal phone calls or catch up on some reading. You are entitled to that break time, and that is what it should be used for.

Dear Abby: My husband is in a nursing home for long-term care. The holidays will soon be here. How do I sign the holiday cards? Should I include my husband’s name? My son is living with me. Do I include his name, too? — Getting Ready in New England

Dear Getting Ready: It is perfectly acceptable to include all three names on your holiday cards. Send them out early, because the post office is sure to be especially busy in December.

Dear Abby: I was wondering what families should do with old pictures if someone in their family is transgender. — Andy in Ohio

Dear Andy: They should ask their transgendered relative what he or she would like done with the pictures and take the lead from the person’s wishes.

Dear readers: Today is Veterans Day, and I would like to take this opportunity to thank not only our veterans, but also those men and women who are still on active duty for their service to our country. — Abby

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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Since the woman being married again has displayed a total disregard for etiquette, if you dare, do the same. Show up to the wedding with a big smile and tell her, "I just KNEW my presence would be gift enough!"