WARNING SIGNS YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!!!

When we think of abuse we just mostly assume physical abuse but abuse comes in different forms, 6 are major: emotional, physical, verbal, mental, economic and sexual abuse. This week on Instagram a beautiful model shared pictures (below) and stories of how she was physically abused, her injuries were horrifying but that is not the worst we've seen.

Do you remember the recent case of Mr. Arowolo that stabbed his wife more than 20 times, killing her and claiming she fell on the knife or something ridiculous like that? I bet that was not the first time he tried to hurt her. We need to learn to study the warning signs, everything isn't covered below but they are definitely alarm bells that need to ring. If you have any more tips, please leave them in the comment section.

I JUST MET YOUDoes it seem like the relationship is rushed? Kpa kpa kpa kpa dem don talk I love you, so quick! Nothing wrong with that because you perhaps feel the same. Kia kia, he has proposed, oya na to marry. Hmmm. Within months you’re married. You need to take things jeje just to get to know him/her a little better. Dating for long is not a guarantee of a blissful union but it does more good than harm if you try to take things a little slowly.

IT'S YOUR FAULTHave you heard about reverse psychology? It’s when someone does something wrong to you but they turn it around that you get confused and start apologizing for something they did! Don’t let your mind/ thoughts be easily manipulated! Do they do wrong things and then blame you for it? “It’s your fault I slapped you" “if you didn't say such and such then I wouldn't have shoved you”. "Your're too stubborn that's why I beat you" Don’t get it twisted my dear, it’s not your fault.

PLAYING DETECTIVE Do you feel like you’re constantly being monitored? He/She checks your phones for sms and bbm chats and sometimes starts querying any conversation they don’t feel comfortable with. They question why you come home and 5 minutes past 5:00 pm when usually you come home at about 5 minutes to 5:00 pm. They question why you’re dressed a certain way today, "who are you trying to impress?", they ask. Hmmm. They want to know the who, what, where, when, how and want to determine it! They keep track of every minute detail of your life, they suggest what to wear, who you’re friends with, where you’re permitted to go…e. t. c.

YOUR BELONG TO HIM/HER Mild possessiveness is nice but obsession and other intense forms of possessiveness and jealousy is NOT cute at all. It is not healthy for couples to be together all the time, doing the same things, is this what your partner demands? Then you need to be wary… Possessiveness is not love, don’t confuse it. If they always accuse you of being unfaithful without good reason, then you need to worry. If they try to isolate you from from your friends/family by wither being rude or other behaviors, then worry.

HURTFUL WORDSAbuse comes in different forms, and verbal abuse is one of them. Does your supposed beloved call you unprintable names, just because they’re upset? That is not acceptable. Does he call you “bitch, oponu, idiot, ewu”? Does she call you “auofia, good-for-nothing, “oloshi”, “ode”? It’s not proper if they humiliate you in public or say something in front of your friends, family or colleagues that would obviously embarrass you. You can argue without need for hurtful words because you cannot undo words that have been said.

THREATSNo one likes threats and no matter how small a threat is, it is still a form of abuse intended to manipulate. Does he/she threaten to tell people your secrets or things that you have confided in them? Do they threaten to share maybe intimate photos on social media? ( which is why you must never take any such photos) They know this will humiliate you, and they use it as a leash to control you like bingo. Don't be a bingo.

PHYSICAL WITH OBJECTSSo your partner is visibly upset and the next thing they do is punch the wall or break the television or fling the microwave against the wall….hmmm you need to be careful. Some argue that this is a sign that they are trying to redirect the anger but you never know: the day he/she completely loses it, na you dem go fling like paper.

PHYSICAL WITH YOUYou get shoved today, you probably think nothing of it. You get poked in the chest the next day, and you still don’t think it’s serious. The day you get a slap, you are made to believe you caused it. Don’t wait till dem use belt wipe you before you know you’re in a physically abusive relationship. Physical abuse escalates, from pokes, to shoves, to slaps, to full–nakeding-you, beating you senseless till you’re in a coma.

If you are in an abusive relationship or know someone in one, please seek help! Don't keep it to yourself.

24 comments

Sisi , you are blessed . It's sad that our society , esp culture and religion deters women from opening up too soon . Some victims even believe they kinda deserve it , like its a family curse !!!. I have friends who are in such relationships with brainwashed mindset. How can one help such ?

Sisi Yemmie, you are right! We need to be watchful and stop making excuses for abusive partners...I personally believe any man that has anger issues should seek help before going into a relationship. May God not let us be victims of abuse in Jesus name.

Na wah o! Some men are beast. Anyway sisi is right, there's always a warning sign, but some ladies like men with animal instinct. Some ladies like guys that are physical and would call a nice caring guy weak and not cool with ladies. Its all about the individual. The bible I read does not tell me to treat people like animal but to love. It now depends on the ideology ur faith is based on. My father has never raised his hand on my mother, so its not part of the culture I know. Woman are not mens slave or pets, but help mate.

True, there are always warning signs. The truth is that some women go into the relationship hoping that they can magically "change" the guy. Hmmm, I'm not a huge advocate of love changing a guy (a cheater or a wife beater).

No woman should stand for abuse. If he slaps you today, he will punch you tomorrow...that's how I see it o! Then again, I might be wrong.

My fiance and I broke up about a week ago and in all honesty he does almost everything on this list. Always doing funny stuff and making me believe it was my fault. Being over possessive and always accusing me of being unfaithful for no just reason. I had to leave after being beaten to a pulp last monday cos he asked me not to leave the house and I just went downstairs to get airtime. Wish I had seen this article earlier it would have saved me alot of stress

You are my heroine. Well done for having the strength to walk away. I trust you will find love with a man who treats you like the beautiful and strong woman that you are. May God heal the scars of your body and soul. lots of love.

Very well said Sisi Yemmie. I wrote a similar post (15 signs of a potentially abusive relationship) on my blog few weeks ago. Some of my tips include: Hypersensitivity - He is easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life.Sudden mood swings - He switches from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.Isolation - He tries to cut you off from family and friends; deprives you of a phone or car, or tries to prevent you from holding a job.

I really hope women become more vigilant and don't get too drunk in love that you overlook some of these excesses.

Again, thanks for the post. Men and women alike need to see this post. Some men have these tendencies but they swear they wouldn't abuse their women. If these flaws aren't addressed and dealt with, it's only a matter of time and the "right" situation for abuse to manifest.

Maybe I just love myself too much sha.. because a simple thing as raising your voice at me can end a relationship not to talk of one man laying his filthy hands on me. As far as I am concerned I am too priceless for that kind of rubbish.. We teach people how to love us. Only God loves best. So ladies, love yourself first so that man can see that you don't play with you and if he can not maintain or exceed your standard of self love.. he should shift abeg. No woman should be beaten in the name of love and marriage. When you love yourself you will not need anyone to tell you when you are not treated with love. Very good warning signs Sisiyemmie. Keep up the good work.

You know my issue? The people in abusive relationships don't need all the signs you just pointed out to them. They already know they are in abusive relationships, yet they still remain in it. And the reason they stay is what we should tackle.

busive relationships are an all too real part of the society and it pains me that anyone would allow themselves to be bullied. I'v been very careful to avoid abusive relationships because someone very close to me has lived and is still living in one to date. She has learned to be stronger and protect herself but it wasn't easy. Sisi Yemi, i think it would be lovely to have a singles seminar that would cover this topic (i woun't mind helping out with it). There are a lot of misguided singles who think its all a show of care or are too naive to know the signs when the see them, as was the case of this relation of mine.

Hmm!just like my crazy ex who can't seem to understand why am not exactly excited about seeing him not to talk of getting back together with him.left to him he is Gods gift to me and once he snaps his fingers I have to jump.sending me stupid texts like "I am going to be around next week for my sisters wedding,make urself available so we can do dat thing!its been a long while for us"Imagine!someone I broke up with in 2011.And gave me a slap in 2012 after I paid him a visit and I refused him sex.Smh!