just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

seek ask knock

One of the passages that always strikes me everytime i see it is when Jesus tells us to seek ask and knock for Gods response to us, to have our desires met by Him. I am thrilled by how many others in blogland are pursuing similar paths and seeking to be transparent as they carry out their walk. I love the idea that we can push and stretch each other to experience the changes and growth spiritually we so yearn for!!! I am amazed at how often I settle for so much less than all God wants to give me of Himself. I let my focus go and just seek to spend time in various ways, when I deep down want to be spending time with Him!!!! yet, much as i SAY this and do desire it I am so lazy so often and seek other stuff than Him.

I sought to pray on and off while at work today carry on a running conversation with God as i worked. Amazing all the thoughts that rush thru your mind so quickly. I -prayed for friends,family and coworkers. Sought direction for decisions and to rest in Him more. Wanted to hear Him, prayed to discern just HOW to listen and hear Him better. Prayer is a conversation, not a monologue.

I bring what a former counselor once told me was the *doublewhammy* on my self. I struggle with my issues concerning my weknesses and failures and then i compound that by attacking myself internally for having these weaknesses and not overcoming them to begin with. Any of you have this happen inside your mind???? i find i feel sooooooooooo much like Solomon in Ecclesiastes, knowledge brings pain. I feel like i know so much about God and about what he desires as far as living life and how to act and be yet I fall so far short emotionally/spiritually/relationally to what i have in my mind what I think are His expectations. I so want to turn my mind off so much of the time and just run on autopilot.

Are feelings what it all comes down to in relating to God??? The mormons have their *burning in the bosom* testimony. Alot of people have their own feelings they rely upon. It seems ultimately we break everything down to the root and we all want that loving intimacy with God. That has to be way more than JUST feelings right???? Can feelings be controlled?? Can feelings be managed and turned on or off??? Don't feelings come and go and we dont know where they came from or where they go off too?? Just throwing wonderings out here seeking insights. Feelings themselves have to be anchored in truth. So, why is it that even when we know the truth the One who IS truth that so often our feelings do not match what we should be experiencing???? Is joy deeper than a feeling??? Ah so many questions hope you all feel free to reply with some answers. Also, once again, any who would like to email or talk on yahoo messenger they are on my profile love to talk with anyone interested. Thanks as always for dropping in. Ya'll come back now ya hear????