Vol. 117 January 1, 2015 New Year’s Resolutions

“I can resist everything but temptation.”
-Oscar Wilde

Recent “scientific” surveys reveal that 45% of us in the U.S. make New Year’s resolution but only 8% succeed in fulfilling them. Those under 30 years of age apparently do much better; 16% of them succeed. (1) Here is another statistic that is hard to believe: “38% of 2600 respondents polled by their fitness program failed to accomplish their fitness goals in the past year”. (2) Boy, talk about underreporting!

It makes me wonder, “why bother?”. But, the social pressure of age-old traditions is unremitting, so here are my 2015 resolutions. (Maybe my first one should “be stronger against social pressure of age-old traditions”. )

In 2015:

1. I will continue to resist committing myself fully to the social media fray while I patiently wait for the ultimate app, “TwitterFace”, “FaceTube”, “InstantaYou”.

2. I will no longer make wise cracks about brussel sprouts, broccoli, and eggplant dishes now that my grand children like them, but I still don’t eat them.

3. I will start the Paleo diet (no grain, no processed foods, no sugar, no milk – basically “what a caveman would eat”) as soon as Market Basket or Stop and Shop puts saber-tooth tiger steaks on sale.

4. I will try to treat anti-gun control and anti-vaccine advocates with respect since they are probably rational people, even through their arguments are irrational.

5. I will read the computer screen from left to right, line by line, and word-for-word before I call my son when I lose my way, since that is the first instruction he will give me. (It unravels my confusion about 95% of the time.)

6. I will not spend hours this year comparing bills while trying to decide whether Verizon or Comcast has the best “bundle”. (It always seems fruitless no matter how or when I do it.)

7. I will continue to collect articles and study results that promote the health benefits of an afternoon nap, but I will also stop my occasional designation of a nap as my ”accomplishment for that day”.

8. I will wear my new, gifted fit-bit bracelet (Jawbone-UP/24 which apparently measures all my activity and my non-activity) for at least a month, even though I probably won’t understand all of its features by that time. (If all else fails, I will download the manual, if I can find it on their website.)

9. If I find myself using my son-in-law’s or daughter’s Netflix password on my home TV more than once a week, I will get my own subscription.

10. I will complete and publish my compilation of “You may be a Geezer if…” aphorisms.

That’s it.
Nothing magic about the number ten except that it avoids any connotations of the number 12, either disciples or members of a jury.

Feel free to add any of your own resolutions here. Maybe announcing them will generate some needed social pressure on you to succeed.