Some people leave footprints on our heart.
Cats leave fur on our sweaters.
Dogs leave drool on our shoes.
Families will crap on our doorstep.
So when life gives you crap, garden it and make roses.

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Christmas, how do I not love thee, let me count the ways.

Mother is still here, sister is still whinging, the cat stops me running away from home and I need a full moon in the sign of money. I don't have any presents to buy this year and I look like getting a good meal on the day even if it means I have to go to the Home.Our resident loopydemented who it seems actually has to really hurt someone like in maybe kill is no longer waiting on the full moon to go crackers. I have been informed that I should have more sympathy for this resident as she does not know what she is doing. Crapola she does and she should not be in a place where she can't be under observation 24 hours. The staff does their best but while they are controlling her, they have to leave other residents. And what can a carer do when she is sitting beside her watching a resident have nail polish put on and the carer looks up and sees loopy drinking the nail polish. Doc Marvin has already had words with the DON but it's up to the family for the last word. There are places, quite secure where she can walk around inside and out and that is where she should be. Mother's roomie has very bad legs which have to be dressed and it's so painful that she cries the whole time so she didn't need loopy to come in and go to grab both legs through the blankets. When her husband told her to go, loopy punched him full in the chest, a ninety year old man. She punches the carers, knocked the older ladies to the ground and steals whatever takes her eye. Then last week there was the complete striptease in the day room and that's a sight I'm glad I'll never have in my memory bank. I will be having Christmas lunch in mum's room. My Christmas baubles are all neatly put away. I take them out, have a look at the gorgeous things and put them back. I will just do the usual thing and spray the dust hanging from the ceiling with gold paint with a new ornament this year, a dead spider hanging from the light. I haven't removed him, the body reminds me of that gorgeous image of the chandelier hanging from the wreck of the Titanic, gently swaying in the current. Ornaments were pretty crappy this year and expensive. I looked everywhere for a matte plum colour in a round ball, nada. And the cat is not co-operating. I had thoughts of sending you all a Christmas card, a very exclusive card of a lovely white cat wearing a red velvet Santa hat. I even cut little holes in it for his ears to poke through. The hat he tolerated, the camera not a bit. The only way I'll get his head to stay still is to nail his ears to the wall. The other problem is getting him in a position where you can't see last year's litter all over the lounge.I am getting a present for me. I'm going up to DJ's and demanding they spray me with YSL's Opium Black. None of those stupid little flicks of paper, I want the real stuff on me and if I do it the day before Christmas it should last 24 hours if I hold my arm out of the shower. I must be getting old, there was a time I wouldn't have thought 2 seconds before I shelled out $180 for this gift set. I might waver in these last weeks after all I did find a block of Lindt behind the Bombay Sapphire when I really needed chocolate this week. I always hide the chocolate behind the gin because I don't drink gin in winter, in summer I hide it behind the port. Who says women can't handle logic.

9 comments:

Matte Plum colour, round ball. If I find one I'll send it to you. Does it have to be plain or can it have glitter patterns?Sounds to me like the managers need to be more firm with Loopy's family to get her moved into a more secure facility. It isn't fair on the rest of the staff and residents to keep her where she causes harm to herself and others.I've never thought of spraying dust and cobwebs with gold, probably a very light misting should do the job :)Have a great Christmas lunch.

I too will keep my eye out for a Matte Plum ball. You may be inundated with them. Or perhaps not.I am totally over Christmas. Before it begins. I will do a LL shift, and then come home and wallow in a bathtub full of fruit salad.The loony one does need to be moved. And it shouldn't be a family decision.Cakes will be posted towards the end of next week. At the moment they are still be watered.

Your fellow admirers seem focused on plum coloured balls. I have no knowledge and I don't care to speculate on how to make balls plum coloured. Erm, sorry, but we are expecting a hand made Christmas card. We've already laid the guilt on Pants who has not prepared cards this year. Lordy, the mental image of EC in a bath of fruit salad.

Hi Davoh, I bet your festive season will be jollier than mine. Still with the clear skies up country, you'll probably get a good view of Santa and the sleigh. Don't invite him in for a drink though, he's a souse.

Andrew, my darling boy, I could make you balls plum coloured in oh, say 2 minutes but the fun wouldn't be worth all your screaming. I am in the middle of card making and they will be posted next week and thank you for your card. I was able to peel off the stamp to send back to you.

EC, I'm more of a bath in Veuve Cliquot type and look what you've done to Andrew, delicate soul will live with that image. In the clean up I found all the colours for my peacock wreath in a box marked peacock and I found the wreath marked for matte plum with ribbons hence the search for balls.

River, this bird is 6 feet tall so imagine that you are in a wheel chair and she is wheeling you where you don't want to go. Last week she managed to lift the fire extinguisher off the wall and wandered round with that under her arm. She's aggressive and Christmas Day is the full moon, what joy.I can just imagine Angel cleaning up those glitter cobwebs, mine is too fat and lazy.

as always dear Coppy your posts make a delight out of what I would think of as disaster.

Christmas has become less of an event each year and this year may have struck a 'ground zero' for me thank the gods. no cards happening here, or gifts either actually.Happy birthday baby Jesus ... oh hang on he is 2015 years old (or whatever calendar you follow).Love the spicy OPIUM by YSL. The Myer fragrance department must be a frenzy this week. No frenzy here in the bush. Love to youse all from Annie B

I can't find your address to send you a card. You will be pleased to hear however that it also prevents me sending you a cd entitled "Songs of Praise" by Pastor Herbert Mortimer. I can't stand the thing myself and would like it out of the house.

Waiting to board a tram yesterday outside the Royal Melbourne Hospital and a scrawny woman hung back from getting off until I was getting on. She gave me a right old payout, "Wait till the people get off!" That's what she yelled at me, thus crazy woman, and kept it up as she walked away. Well darlings I'm usually suave in public, keeping my mouth shut, but this was too much, "SHUT UP!" I hollered, and climbed on. "She was very cross," another woman murmured as the tram moved off, which I thought was quite a wonderful Camberwell word.

Greetings to all my darlings. Christmas should never end, I love it so much.

Annie O, very quiet on the fragrance front at DJs but they do drop the price on gift sets after Christmas. You'll be having a bush Christmas then, tartan stubby holders and red tinsel on the snakes but just in case put a "Santa, please stop here" sign in the garden.

Robbert, darling, you've lost my address so there is a Heaven after all. You send me that CD and you'll be getting one of my own voice singing along with Carols by Candlelight and with a name like Herbert Mortimer, he born to be a Pastor. Of course you can always re-gift it by leaving it shining like a beacon of faith on a dunny seat somewhere. Stuff all the songs, I like the glitter of Christmas especially when it's scattered on the food.