Sorry Betsy, Not Today!

This has been a really gross series of days– all since Friday. By the end of the work day today, Betsy was whispering sweet nothings into my ear and filling me with empty promises.

After work on Friday, I picked up my dog from daycare. As I was walking out, my dad called (which is kind of rare). After asking what I’m doing, my dad starts talking about how his heart is back into arrhythmia and that he has to leave next week to see my uncle who is at a rehabilitation hospital in Colorado– but he got the ok to travel.

I HATE that his heart is back into arrhythmia. We’ve been through this several times over the past year and a half. He’s had to have his heart shocked back into rhythm a handful of times and has to be on blood thinners (awful meds that make you weak)so that he doesn’t get a blood clot.

And, I HATE that he has to go to Colorado. He has asthma and has a hard time breathing because of the high altitude there. As his older brother, he needs to go for my uncle–who is having a hard time dealing with life right now and needs him there (recovering from a traumatic brain injury after getting hit by a car in January). I get it– but it doesn’t make me very happy– it gives me an overall uneasy feeling.

While he’s telling me all of this, I’m trying to get my dog into the car but he won’t jump in. I try to pick him up and he cries and his legs are shaking. “Crap!!” I’m thinking, “WTF happened???” Nothing out of the ordinary, according to the daycare, so they help me get him into the car and I’m off wondering what is wrong with him.

The weekend is pretty much a big crapshoot. The weather is nice and I got in a couple nice long bike rides, but that’s pretty much the best part. The pup was not doing much better on Saturday with intermittent pain so I took him to the vet who gave him a pain injection.

Sunday was still iffy. He wouldn’t walk up the stairs, but wanted to run around the backyard. Meanwhile I had been reading about a horrible back disease that’s prevalent in beagles and can cause paralysis and/or even death. So of course now I’m super anxious about him having this back disease. I picked up some oral pain meds today (Monday) because he only seems slightly better. I am praying that they do the trick and he recovers from this injury.

Hubby was sick Saturday night and most of the day on Sunday. He was up several times Saturday night getting sick in the bathroom (attached to our bedroom), therefore I was woken up throughout the night. Sunday was a gorgeous day and it’s a shame because he spent a majority of the day in the bathroom and couldn’t enjoy it. I am still praying that the rest of us don’t get the bug! I was worried about hubby’s health on Sunday as well as the dog. I couldn’t wait to escape this crazy house– by Sunday night I was ready for the weekend to end!

Today (Monday) work was tedious. I finally got help with my enormous caseload in the form of a substitute teacher who will be helping me Monday-Thursday. This is GREAT, although it creates an extra amount of pressure and work. I have to now plan my day, as well as hers. She is a former special education and 4th grade general education teacher. She knows many useful programs and is calm and sweet, yet firm. Today, I was having her watch me with lessons and she interrupted quite a few times to tell me how she did certain things (like short vowel sound signs).

I love that she is experienced and passionate about teaching, but by this afternoon I was feeling snippy with all of her advice. It wasn’t just about the lessons, she had advice about EVERYTHING.. including my dog’s painful episode. Again, I am completely grateful for her help and have great respect for her personally and professionally. My snippiness had more to do with the frustration from my personal life than with her.

My breaking point came at lunchtime. My own kids’ report cards were posted online last week. I hadn’t looked yet. I always take report cards with a grain of salt. My oldest gets A’s and B’s (mostly) and my youngest sometimes gets bad marks in the area of organization, works independently, things like that. I was shocked when I saw 2 E’s on my oldest’s card and sick to my stomach. Too much trust and freedom, and I was kicking myself for not checking his grades online periodically.

On the way home from work, Betsy was yapping her big mouth. NOT today Besty, NOT today. Your empty promises mean nothing to me, and I need to sort out all of this messiness with a clear mind and able body, knowing that my HP has my back.

9 thoughts on “Sorry Betsy, Not Today!”

Once you throw a sick dog in, all hell breaks loose. I know this from my last month of taking care of my dog’s health, and he’s still in a t-shirt wrapped in duct tape. And that’s besides whatever else is happening. And the snippy teacher! I feel your pain. I worked in school publishing for years and people fell all over themselves about pronunciations. Really??
So, I hope I’m not as whiny as Betty. A million kudos to you for sticking it out. Life will get easier! 😀 It has to, right?

Here’s a paragraph from my memoir that you might relate to. (I was a single parent at the time.)

As a working mother, I excelled at neither. I didn’t have the organizational skills or stamina to do both, and often found it impossible to simultaneously create meals and do laundry, which resulted in a somewhat chaotic household. My kids got used to picking through the “socks box,” which contained all of the white, clean socks, but unmatched. The socks box was strategically kept on top of the refrigerator, so they could hastily match a pair of socks and then grab a bagel on their way out the door, where our dog Zelda loitered, ready to bolt out at the least convenient times. It never failed — that blur of terrier squeezing past, just as we were leaving for school or horse-back riding lessons or hockey practice. Adding to the mix was a small parrot named Pear that learned to yell “Mom!” so convincingly that I would head back into the house to see who had been left behind. A more structured mom would have had the socks clean and matched, breakfast on the table early, and the dog sequestered in a bedroom.

It hasn’t been published yet — I’m still writing the ending, but thank you! Writing about those crazy mom years helps me to forgive myself for drinking too much. When every day is a marathon, it’s easy to get caught up in wine. It was such a quick surge of “calm” when it was impossible to go out walking or to the gym. It’s hard not have some solitude now and then.

I know what you mean about forgiving yourself for drinking too much for many years (and when my kids were small). It drives me batty & makes me incredibly sad when I think about it. I try to look towards the future & be grateful that I’m not drinking NOW. I can’t wait to read your book when it’s published! Sounds very therapeutic to write 💜

Overcoming guilt is a big reason that I’m such a Course in Miracles fan. If you’re at all interested, I would start with “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson. I can’t explain it well in a few sentences, but the Course actually teaches that you can change the past. It talks about how time is an illusion anyway, and that God doesn’t change the event itself, but the effects of the event, so that it’s like it didn’t happen (regardless of how it may appear to us). It’s a much bigger view of God and what he is capable of, and it basically teaches that you are completely innocent. It’s been life-changing for me. And it seems to work! My children have healed completely and are totally happy functioning adults. I place my hope in the power of God for their healing. When I mention to them about having a chaotic childhood, they just laugh it off. How is that possible? I have prayed for forgiveness a hundred thousand times, and I think this is part of the results.

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