Just Saying

Thursday, 20 March 2014

Shaurya Forever... A Real Story. Part-13

"Please don’t go, stay with me for few days,” I texted her.
I wanted to say the same to her but I could not. However, the moment I felt that she was
going away from me again, I texted her. Perhaps it was late, too late to be
specific. She was flying back, leaving me alone with to face the grief. Grief that was limiting me to
live inside the cage, that Cancer had built for me!

And the day arrived when my condition turn so worse that
finally I was shifted to ICU. I do not remember the date, I just remember the
month. It was December, just few days for a new year and probably a new life or
death. I do not remember what happened to me after that. I was unconscious and
my mind turned dizzy, dizzy enough to narrate the further story.

Sanya Speaks

I will call myself lucky and unlucky both at the same time;
Lucky because I was around my brother, always, even after he was shifted to the
ICU and unlucky because I saw him in his worst days. The sight of seeing
Shaurya struggling with the
pain horrified me to the soul. There was a time when I was so moved with
his situation that I wanted to stop meeting him but I never stopped. I wanted
to meet him every day, I wanted to be with him every day, I wanted him to feel
secure, I wanted to be that someone who sees him being recovered. Recovered
completely!

His whole body and
face was so much bloated that I couldn’t even see his eyes, I couldn’t even notice
whether his eyes were open or not. I could just pray that they remain open, not
for forever, but at least for 50-60 more years. He used to just lay on the bed,
motionless like a corpse inside
the grave. He could see us coming and leaving the room but he couldn’t
greet us, he couldn’t even smile. His eyeballs could just follow our sight to comfort
himself that there were
people around him, who wanted
him to live. Survive
till they too were living.

There was one day when I went inside and just stared at him
for five hours. Minute after minute crawled but my thirst to see my brother
breathing did not fade away even a single color.I stayed there for five hours and when I
couldn’t hold it, I ran back home and lay motionlessly on my bed to sob. I
cried, I prayed, I cried again, I cursed myself for going there, I cried again,
I promised myself that I won’t go there ever again, I cried and the very next
day I broke the promise I made to myself.

There is this bad thing about people, everyone is a
traveler, they travel in and out of our lives but they come with a baggage of
memories, the bag they leave behind for us. It is full of presents, enough
presents that they never allow us a single present to survive; out present. We
get maze up in past and without living the present we pray for future, which is
impossible and unnatural. To step into the future and leave everything behind,
everyone needs to leave the bus of past and must walk in his present to the bus
stop of future. There is no other way.

After few days, he was in better condition. He could talk
now, he even chanted with me there lying on the bed. However, he was facing a
lot of difficulties while talking to us, but he really wanted to talk and
pretend that everything was normal and he is strong. He wanted to show every
sign that he was not dying and he was coming back.

After chanting, he went to the loo and when he came out I heard
him whining, “What happened to my eyes?” He said horrified.

I had no idea, I just turned around and gulped saliva down
my throat. His eyes were bleeding. I could see blood dripping down his eyes. It
felt like some butcher had pulled out his eyes with his tools and left his
alone to whine.

I
was so petrified that I could feel blood in my own eyes. I clutched Mami's
wrist in shock.

She
was behaving as if she had seen nothing, as if everything that her eyes had
just witnessed was merely a Bad Day Dream. She made Shaurya rest in the bed and
the doctors were called immediately!

The sight was terrible. My tears find their way out of me
and I kept looking at this horrifying state of Shaurya. He opened his eyes and
more blood rolled down to
his cheeks. I tried looking into his eyes, his eyes were no longer white, they
turned red. I had no option except crying, I went home again, completely broken
and tried to sleep. I could not. Every part of me was trying to gulp the Sight and to be
positive. But somehow the positivity inside me had died today! Died silently!

The same night, we got a call from hospital that something
went wrong to Shaurya and they were now shifting him on the Ventilator. That day
was the last day we talked to each other. I was hopeful that he will live.
Probably god was with me.
I met him again on 1st January.