dispatches direct from the 'cult.

November 8, 2017November 8, 2017

Questionable Pillows

Recently I was searching for a cushion for my kitties, I just wanted something cute/weird that’d work as a cat bed in my apartment. Since Atticus will not share his berry-shaped cat fortress with Goblin. While searching I found *many* delightfully weird pillows and I thought I’d share them. Especially helpful with the holidays descending upon us. Who doesn’t need a nice decorative pillow for their home, office, or to fill their entire vehicle with?!!!

COCKROACH– Yes, you can have a big cuddly awful infestation for your couch. I don’t know why you would want this but it is available.

PENIS- This comes in a variety of sizes (har har har) but oddly only pale pink. I confess I thought long and hard (har har har) about whether I knew anyone I could buy one of these for as they’re just so funny to me.

HAM– It’s ham.

MEAT VARIETY– From prawns to what I think might be a potato, to chicken’s feet and a horrifying pig’s hoof?!!!! Why. What home decor style calls for a revolting chicken’s foot pillow? Voodoo witch-doctor’s waiting room? Butcher’s shops don’t usually have couches! The red thing down at the center is supposedly a sweet potato, it looks like the underbelly of an unnamed insect that has nipples.

CORN– I think these are pretty corny.

BRICK– Again, who is coming up with these ideas? Why would you want a brick shaped pillow?! Bonus shot of someone beating a baby up with a brick shaped pillow. Take THAT baby!

EGG– I like how the poor girl modeling these has enlisted her cat. “Come on Spot, look at the camera and pose with the egg pillow!”. The cat’s face has been cropped out because no one wants to see a confused and upset cat modeling a fake egg cushion.

GINGER– I mean, without that word in the title of the description I would never have guessed this pillow is supposed to be ginger. Some sort of tumor maybe? Bowel obstruction? Poorly made teddy bear?

CONDOM- Safe sex is really important, yes, but maybe a cheery yellow pillow isn’t the best way to convey this message? It’s so weird looking you’ll forever be explaining, “Oh thats not a fire hydrant, grandma, it’s a condom pillow!” to everyone who sees it. Goes especially well with the pink penis pillows! I’d like to buy these for the local sexual health clinic but they’d probably prefer a monetary donation….

I found all of these on ebay so if you’re in the market for a big clump of ham emblazoned on a pillow in your bedroom you can just find it over there.