RON'S IRREFUTABLE TRUTHS

I’ve come to appreciate my friendship with Ron, a former co-worker of mine. At first, I thought he was just an angry Chinese guy but I had it all wrong. After countless philosophical discussions about many, many different subjects, I found that his observations about life and society are wise ones.

Let me share with you just two of his irrefutable truths.

The one first came about after we both had sat down for some particularly good Wakamidori Sencha green tea. With the leaves still swirling in our cups and the aroma of the Far East permeating in the air, talk quickly turned to subject of choice. More specifically, we began to wonder why women, in great numbers, appear to make such poor choices when it comes to men. As I poured Ron another cup of tea, it was no clear no amount of math would help us solve this problem. Soon after, Ron supplied not an answer, but at least a truth from which we could work from. I’ll never forget when he said:

“At any given moment, somewhere in the world, a hot girl is being serviced by a complete moron.”

His words rang truer than any peer reviewed proof in the Journal of Applied Mathematics. Yes, it was a hard, cold reality but isn’t accepting the truth the first step towards… something or another?

The second irrefutable truth came about when we were in China this summer. After an ardous hike we had just reached the summit of Huang Shan or Yellow Mountain in the province of An Hui. As we rested, the vantage point afforded us a spectacular view of the XinAn River. Naturally, the conversation turned to the subject of zombies. Also, if you’re going to be discussing zombies, what logically follows is why guys get stuck in the friend zone with women. What’s worse than getting your penis getting chewed off by a zombie? Well, it’s when your lady friend doesn’t even know you have one. We then started to talk about what each of us would do in zombie movie situations, for example in Dawn of the Dead (2004).

Ron thought about it for a while and then he had this to say:

“Even if I was the last man on earth, Sarah Polley would proably say something like ‘Oh, we can’t re-populate the earth, sex would ruin our friendship. You’re such a good friend.'”

Could anyone dispute this? The simple answer is no. I know for a fact several women would say this to myself and many other guys too. That statement stood out for me as one of the highlights of our trip, possibly even rivaling our hijinx on Huaihai Road when we stumbled into Shanghai looking for square hamburgers.

Well, there you have it, just a few nuggets of wisdom from my friend Ron. Stay tuned for more!