The Relationship between Masculine/Feminine and Parent/Child Dynamics

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The Relationship between Masculine/Feminine and Parent/Child Dynamics

by: Toby Jensen

People watching is a popular pastime for many of us. It is intriguing and you
get to judge others. The mystery of what another person is like draws us
together while the judgmental human nature that most people display allows us to
think we are better than others. Most people don’t know why some people
instantly make them angry or why a strong dislike for certain people emerges at
first meeting. Most people get along well. Some people are only slightly
irritating. But some people are offensive the moment they walk into the room.
While from their perspective they may like you or not care a whit about you.
They may even hate you the moment they see you – all this happens even before
anyone has said a word. The reason is found in personality profiling. It is in
distinctly differing personalities that people almost instantly like, hate, or
become indifferent toward one another. Few of us, however, truly know how to be
fair and accurate in determining how another person runs their life. Uniqueness
is fascinating. This article explains how someone can be different from you and
not be wrong or worthless.

Towards the end of 1999 Albert Einstein was chosen to be Time magazine’s “Person
of the Century”. It was because of him that we now reap the rewards today of his
great advances in science and technology. Ongoing generations will continue to
learn the mysteries of the nature of the universe as a result of his genius work
in physics and math. What is fascinating is how his personality drove his great
intellect. It was his innate desire, his personality, which began the desire to
learn and kept a desire to continue to learn as a focus throughout his life. It
was not his great intellectual advances that made him famous it was his
personality that led to his popularity and acceptance. We remember Einstein. And
because we remember him we then remember his great work. While Einstein is
remembered for being smart other people are remembered for their different
personality traits. Some people such as Oprah are known for being popular while
others such as Michael Jordan or Donald Trump are known for being powerful.

Most scientists make a decent living. They are not, however, usually found to be
very wealthy. Good grades in school does not mean you are likely to succeed, in
fact, it is actually a detriment once a “good” student leaves school. We live in
a people world and people skills reward far greater on many levels than pure
intellect. Sadly most “smart” people struggle in life simply because they are
unable to read a person’s personality and be able to respond to that person
appropriately bringing out the best in others and themselves. Highly successful
people reach their high status simply due to being able to assess another’s
personality characteristics, understand how they work and then use that
information to further the growth needed to achieve greatness.

Oprah, one of the most well paid people in the world, is incredible at
understanding what women want. There is very little math and science in her
show. It is her ability to understand what most women enjoy that drives her
success. Without this understanding of a woman’s interests she easily would have
been just another talk show.

Michael Jordan, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, knew the
value of understanding who he was playing against. He learned strengths and
weaknesses and applied the knowledge he gained in every game he played. He knew
who he was playing against every time which drove him to winning the NBA
Championship six times. For those who didn’t understand his drive to win - lost.

The value of people skills far out way the rewards for intellectual
understanding in our society.

All these different personality books all come back to the same thing. Once you
learn the basic four you can profile yourself, anyone else and understand where
they are coming from and what they are talking about.

Imagine getting into a romantic relationship with the person of your dreams. It
starts out great. You are swept off your feet with romantic gestures and
attentiveness. Then as the relationship progresses, personality problems begin
to emerge. At first you try to shrug it off as they might be having a bad day.
But things become obviously wrong after some time. Your partner has become needy
and is smothering you, which leads to possessiveness, suspicion, and jealousy.
It may even come to exploitation and manipulation. Or it sometimes goes in the
opposite direction - becoming fearful of abandonment. Whatever the problems are
if you understand personality types you can learn what to expect in a
relationship and finally move one into being in the relationship you’ve dreamed
about. Fail to learn to deal with people and you fail in life.

The ability to identify, assess, and manage your psychological state, that of
others, and groups can only be developed and mastered by understanding and
applying personality traits in a healthy way. Often and amazingly a healthy way
is determined quite differently by different personality types. It is also
amazing how different people pick back up after setbacks, change, and carrying
on to become incredibly successful in different ways.

Every day millions of people (if not hundreds of millions) become frustrated and
miserable as a result of having had to deal with intensely difficult people.
Manipulators, codependent, know-it-alls, or maybe just somebody who has to talk
all the time often can become very trying. It is through healing our
inadequacies and then learning to apply the skills of communication that we can
only help others. Often we may learn something from someone else first but it is
also quite common to apply our own intelligence in figuring things out. How we
do this is through our own personal preferences.

This article is written to review the popular personality traits while
adding, for the first time in the history of the world, the connection of
masculine/feminine and parent/child characteristics together at the same time.
To learn what the relationship is between all four - masculine, feminine,
parent, child and how they work together. It is through the heat of opposition
that the truth is tempered and becomes strengthened in you. Once it becomes a
part of who you are you are able to finally use it in ways to further the growth
of this world far more than was previously thought possible. May you tear
through this article, dissecting, arguing, and weighing the insights for
validity, performance, and depth in such a way that it becomes a part of you to
use at will for the benefit of the world.

Personality is your greatest force that guides you through life, and the greater
your self-awareness, the more able you are to use personality to achieve your
fullest potential. Ignoring whether you are introverted or extroverted quickly
leads to a life of failure and misery. Understanding such an obvious personality
trait is vital in determining how you want to live a successful life. Imagine if
not only did you not understand the difference between introverted and
extroverted in yourself but you could also not determine it in others. You would
live a life of constant frustration and misery never knowing what to do.
Understanding others helps you to understand yourself leading to an even better
understanding of others. Everyone is a special, unique, and delicate snowflake.
There are no two exactly alike. People are born with strengths and weaknesses
that are honed and developed further by the life they live. What works for one
may not work for another. The same action may have little if any success with
another while at the same time can have destructive results when applied by
another. By learning how personality traits work you learn how to master life.

The origins of this article on DiSC Personality Profiling truly began almost a
hundred years ago by William Moulton Marston PhD in 1928 when he wrote the book
Emotions of Normal People. It was the first work ever done of normal healthy
people. Up until this time understanding of human behavior was done from the
study of criminals and the mentally ill. The first known recorded quadrant of
four personality types was first done by Hippocrates twenty-four hundred years
ago when he determined that there are four basic groupings of personality
traits.

The measurement of four traits can be seen universally throughout history and
the world.

A compass contains four main cardinal points – north, south, east, and west. In
order to go anywhere in the world you must know where it is in relation to these
four points.

Science has even gone on to name the way the simplest particles in the universe
interact with one another. There are four. The known fundamental interactions of
the universe are gravity, electromagnetism, weak nuclear force, and strong
nuclear force.

Some of us like to live life in black and white. Astonishment and amazement
arise when we first realize there are shades of gray. It is astounding to see
the look on a person’s face who discovers color for the first time – four areas
of life.

The personal development field and psychology consistently recognize four areas
of life: social, intellectual, spiritual, and physical. Often these points are
renamed or a section of one area is highlighted as its own area. It is almost
universally recognized that when these four areas are not in balance and harmony
for that individual then the person is not considered to be healthy. In order to
accomplish anything a person must move through four areas – thinking, feeling,
action, results. No one does anything without thinking about it first. Our
thoughts give rise to our emotions which drive our actions producing results.

The four areas of Taijitu (yin yang) are fundamental to Eastern philosophy. Yin
yang gives us a description of how polar or seemingly contrary forces are
interconnected and interdependent displaying the equality, balance, and harmony
of the natural world. Describing how they give rise to each other in turn is the
basis for the origin of eastern science as well. While most recognize the yin
yang symbol which depicts male and female the dot on the other side completes
it. Opposite and equal. When one aspect reaches it full peak it naturally and
automatically begins to transform into its opposite. Opposite and complementary.
Or two points of view to a single reality. Each aspect of yin and yang can be
further subdivided into yin and yang aspects. Each contains the seed of the
other centered within itself, which is why we see a black spot of Yin in the
white Yang and vice versa. The spot centered within creates the third and fourth
aspects of yin yang.

Yin and yang are usually held in balance--as one increases, the other decreases.
However, imbalances can occur. There are four possible imbalances: Excess yin,
excess yang, yin deficiency, yang deficiency. They do not merely replace each
other but actually become each other through the constant flow of the universe.

Four states of matter. Solid, liquid, gas, and plasma. Water, the foundation of
life, being the only element to exist in all four states of liquid, solid (ice),
steam, and super heated it becomes plasma. Imagine enjoying a glass of ice water
on a humid day and you don’t sit in awe of the wonder of it all.

The ultimate proof of four areas governing everything is found in quantum
mechanics. Quantum mechanics is very easy to explain. It is the study of
probabilities which means that what you probably think will happen is probably
what is going to happen. The subject really came to light when two groups of
scientists were arguing over whether light (ie. sunlight) was made up of
particle or waves. To most regular people the question is rather silly because
you can’t see light. You can only see what light is shining on. Well,
scientists, in their ever questioning analysis of the details of the universe
discovered that indeed light is made up of something and they were arguing
whether it was waves or particles. The argument went on for some time until one
scientist from the particle supporting group invited a scientist from the wave
supporting group to look into his own analysis of light. Particle scientist
asked wave scientist to simply give it a possibility that he might see particles
when he looked. Wave scientist then proceeded to look into particle scientist’s
analysis and what seemed miraculous was he saw particles of light! Once a wave
scientist gave it a possibility to see particles that made up light that is what
he saw. Wave scientist then thinking this was some kind of trick asked the same
thing of particle scientist. He brought particle scientist over to his own
experiments of looking at light. And particle scientist then saw waves in the
light. What proved it was when wave scientist looked at his own project and then
saw particles in the very light only a moment before that was waves. Both then
went back to particle scientist’s project and both saw waves. This is the
essence of quantum mechanics. What you believe will happen is probably what will
happen. For the first time science was now accounting for “I don’t know”. Up
until this time science was completely based in fact – yes or no. Up until this
time computers were based on yes or no, on or off, or more commonly known as
one’s and zero’s. For the first time scientists began accounting for yes, no,
maybe, and I don’t know all existing at the same time. Science finally proved
what spirituality has taught for centuries. That what you believe will happen is
probably what will happen. No matter how weird or strange or difficult you may
think this is doesn’t even matter. What matters is that it works. It is from the
science of quantum mechanics that we have CD’s, DVD’s, lasers, and put
satellites into space. It simply works. And it all happened about a hundred
years ago.

Some may think personality profiling outdated, obsolete, or old fashioned
because officially it was developed about a hundred years ago. It is no more
obsolete than quantum mechanics. Certainly it can be added too and that is what
this article is about – the combination of the masculine and the feminine with
the parent and child. Quantum mechanics is now giving way to string theory and
even more advanced ideas about how the universe works but they are all still
added onto quantum mechanics NOT replacing it.

The universe comes in four parts. By always looking for all for parts when
living life then a more complete picture of how life works comes into view. An
easy way to do it is to remember the four most commonly used areas of life:
physical (financial), social (emotional), spiritual (soul), intellectual
(intelligence).

Often the subcategory of financial is broken out into its own category. If it
is still seen as just a subcategory being brought into focus then a healthy
perspective is still maintained. Unfortunately it is often thought of as its own
category or even the only category. By realizing how focus can be used in a
healthy way it is easy to determine the proper perspective in life concerning
money. It is part of the physical category as the physical category is part of
the larger perspective also containing social, spiritual, and intellectual.

Another confusing perspective is when there are only three categories
mentioned. Spiritual people can easily forget the physical part of life. Often
monks take vows of poverty intending to simply erase the whole category of
physical. The physical part of life is more than just money. It is also our
bodies and our world that we live in. To take a vow of poverty is to attempt to
erase not just needing a bank account – it is also an attempt to erase our
physical needs of our bodies to eat, drink, and sleep. It is the beginning of
the attempt to erase our need of even having to live within this physical world.
Although striving to overcome the world is admirable, actually overcoming the
world is done in a different manner than trying to eliminate a whole section of
life. It is in learning to live in harmony and balance in the four areas.

All readily recognize that there are inherent differences between men and
women. The subject is fairly popular being covered by several authors such as
John Gray, Alison Armstrong, and David Deida to name a few. As much as men and
women are different physically they are also just as different mentally,
emotionally, and spiritually. These are the four basic areas all personal
development has built upon for hundreds of years – physical, intellectual,
social, and spiritual. It is even commonly acknowledged that most people
recognize that they have a masculine and feminine side. Although traditionally
reluctant to admit it, men are coming forward to not only embrace their feminine
side but too also learn to nurture and protect it as a strong healthy man. Women
have encountered their masculine side most predominantly by entering the male
dominated work force where masculinity is strongly encouraged. Certainly many
similarities come into play between men and women causing confusion and
difficulty in relationships. And while understanding the differences between men
and women is gaining in popularity in vast strides more and more people are also
beginning to understand the second relationship between parent and child.

The parent/child relationship refers to the widely used childlike aspect of a
person’s inner psyche. Typically referred to as ‘my inner child’ it is the
relationship between seeking the adult within that encourages responsibility,
standards, analysis, and quality as compared to the child that seeks
entertainment, joy, popularity, enthusiasm, and freedom of expression. The outer
expression of the same relationship is obvious in parents giving birth to
children and raising them.

Now for the first time these two relationships have been combined together to
advance the four categories of DiSC Personality Profiling. DiSC is the four
quadrant behavioral model based on the work of William Moulton Marston which
examined the behavior of individuals in their environment or within a specific
situation. It therefore focuses on the styles and preferences of such behavior.
He named the four vectors of behavior, namely Assertiveness, Sociability,
Tranquility, and Dependence, and the means to identify the relative tendency of
individuals to behave according to these predictive scales. Research has found
that characteristics of behavior can be grouped into these four major
personality styles and tend to exhibit specific characteristics common to that
particular style. All individuals possess all four patterns of behavior, but
what differs from one to another is the extent of each. This system of
dimensions of observable behavior has become known as the universal language of
behavior. It is being used today by most personality assessments worldwide in
almost every personality test ever given. Each of these four types has its own
unique goal, value to the team, ideal environment, emotional state, influence,
and how they are motivated.

DiSC Personality Profiles are based on a four-quadrant model that reliably
describes four styles of human behavior by testing a person's preferences. DISC
is an acronym for:

ome people fall into one style, others fall into two, and some may fall into
three. Nobody is active in all four at the same time.

From here we can now see the four quadrants explained in detail. The
dominance quadrant shows traits of power, control, results, challenge, and
solving problems. This is obviously the masculine quadrant. Opposite to that
would be the feminine quadrant which is the steadiness quadrant. Here the
qualities of patience, helping others, a good listener, creating harmony,
amiable, patient, harmonious, friendly, accommodating, and modest are most
prominent. Opposite of these two quadrants we have conscientious and influence -
conscientious being the parental quadrant with influence being the child
quadrant. Conscientious people adhere to rules, standards, concentrate, think
analytically, check for accuracy, and are systematic in details – clearly the
rule bound style of parental behavior. Opposite is the child quadrant which
contains personality traits of being social, enthusiasm, entertaining, optimism
with people – fun is the key factor here. From these four quadrants we now have
a new refreshing new view of how we fit together.

By adding parent/child to the natural popularity of studying differences between
men and women we finally have a complete picture. These are the four factors in
the human race - the four factors in family. Of course a family can have less
than all four factors – it just can’t have more or anything else.

The first question everyone asks is - How do women stay feminine in a D
personality and how do men stay masculine in an S personality? Are you mixing
and confusing the genders by applying masculine tendencies to women and feminine
qualities to men? Everyone has long known that there are happy fulfilled
masculine women, feminine men, adults who play as little children, and children
who display all these characteristics. It is a personality trait not the
determining of sexuality.

D – strong woman, strong man

I – playful man, playful woman

S – gentle man, gentle woman

C – men’s rules, woman’s rules

Some women are strong and powerful while other women are gentle and feminine.
Are you going to look at powerfully strong D woman negatively or as the
confident women who know what they want and go get it? Or can you view the
gentleness of a man who can be strong enough to display charity, forgiveness,
and gentleness most of the time? From here we can now for the first time gain
further insight into the differences between men and women by relating them to
parents and children. From here comes the work of learning and using the ways
that people want to be treated.

We now understand how to treat people. It is now time to put it into practice
and do it.

As society matures it becomes easier and much more common place to see at
least two areas, namely male and female, emerge as complementing opposites. It
requires more insight and discipline to recognize all four areas together –
male, female, parent, child. How often have people seen the pairing of male and
female or the pairing of parent and child and not recognized that all four go
together. It is difficult enough just to understand men or women – only half of
the full quadrant. The confusing and difficult nature of understanding men and
women is the basis of many jokes and humor. How they are similar and at the same
time different. It takes practice enough just to learn to think in duality let
alone thinking of all four. It is the double duality providing balance one to
another. It appears complete while at the same time being simple or at least
simple enough.