This post is part of the June 2018 Synchroblog which asks the question “Where does ultimate authority and meaning rest for Christians today?” You will find the links to the other June Synchroblog contributions at the end of this post.

Many people are asking the same question:

Where does ultimate authority and meaning rest for Christians today?

Christianity is rapidly changing and those changes may be connected to a cyclical pattern that history has revealed to us.

Bishop Mark Dyer claimed: “to understand what is currently happening to us as twenty-first century Christians in North America is first to understand that about every five hundred years the Church feels compelled to hold a giant rummage sale.”

Bishop Dyer went on to say that historically three things happen when the rummage sale takes place:

A new and more vital form of Christianity emerges.

The organized expression of Christianity becomes less ossified.

Christianity breaks free from that which has encrusted it and the faith spreads.

For some context, we can consider that about 500 years ago Luther nailed his 95 theses to the door of the church at Wittenberg Castle and the Great Reformation took place. about 500 years before that the Great Schism occurred. And again, about 500 years before the Great Schism a council called in Calcedon determined what was and was not correct doctrine and then, of course, 500 years before that was when the main event took place and Jesus challenged the existing religious institutions to hold their own rummage sale.

At each of these intersections we see the question about authority being asked.

When Jesus comes to Jerusalem and walked into the temple the chief priests and elders came to him and asked him, “By what authority are you doing these things?” The council of Calcedon met to determine “correct doctrine” to serve as religious authority, one of the main causes of the Great Schism were disputes over papal authority, and the Reformation was a widespread theological revolt against the abuses and totalitarian control of the Roman Catholic Church that was seen as the ultimate religious authority at that time.

If Christianity is in the midst of another rummage sale that would explain some of the changes that we are witnessing and why so many followers of Jesus are asking ” where does ultimate authority and meaning rest for Christians today?”

As a Christian I have been trying to answer that question over the last few years and have come to the conclusion that the answer includes elements of scripture, science and community under the guidance of and imbued with the wisdom of the holy spirit.

SCRIPTURE

I spent much of my life in a faith community that embraced scripture as the sole authority but I no longer believe in the idea that the Christian scriptures are the sole infallible rule of faith and practice.

I value scripture and believe it contains much truth and wisdom. I believe it is an important element in the life of a Christian but I think there is a danger in perceiving scripture as the sole source of truth rather than an instrument that guides us to live in a way that allows us to discover truth.

“I know that the Bible is a special kind of book, but I find it as seductive as any other. If I am not careful, I can begin to mistake the words on the page for the realities they describe. I can begin to love the dried ink marks on the page more than I love the encounters that gave rise to them. If I am not careful, I can decide that I am really much happier reading my Bible than I am entering into what God is doing in my own time and place, since shutting the book to go outside will involve the very great risk of taking part in stories that are still taking shape. Neither I nor anyone else knows how these stories will turn out, since at this point they involve more blood than ink. The whole purpose of the Bible, it seems to me, is to convince people to set the written word down in order to become living words in the world for God’s sake. For me, this willing conversion of ink back to blood is the full substance of faith.

This brings me to the best thing about the Bible, which is the way that it will not let you settle down between its pages. Pay attention to what is written there and it will keep pushing you out into the world—to look for the rainbow, scoop up the manna, wrestle the angel, seek the lost sheep, give your shirt to the stranger. Open your imagination to the divine stories it tells and the world stands a better chance of becoming a sacred place, if only because you are out there acting like it is.

Mary and Joseph lead me to pay more attention to my dreams, John the Baptist reminds me that the savior you hope for is almost never the savior you get, Mary Magdalene shows me how many kinds of love there are—and Jesus? There’s not enough time even to begin. Give to everyone who begs of you, pray for those who persecute you, watch out for the log in your own eye, love your neighbor as yourself. Thanks to him, I cannot even pass someone in the frozen food grocery aisle at the grocery store without seeing a divine messenger.

This is not something you learn in New Testament class—or Bible study either—at least not if you are there to discover the right answers to all your questions. But if you want to know more about the God-haunted seekers who came before you and are willing to take your place among them, then by and by you will decide for yourself what kind of authority the Bible has.”

SCIENCE

It seems to me that human beings have a natural desire for a cognitive narrative to make sense of the world around them. Two of the major premises used by humans to account for our observations and experiences are faith and science. They are often viewed as separate entities but I believe they complement each other. I believe that the integration of science and faith can lead to a more holistic understanding of both. If our goal is to discover truth about ourselves, others and the world we live in, then I believe the unification of faith and science will present new and better questions that lead us to answers that will enhance our knowledge, intensify our beliefs and cause us to live and love better.

Carl Sagan said it well:“Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality. When we recognize our place in an immensity of light‐years and in the passage of ages, when we grasp the intricacy, beauty, and subtlety of life, then that soaring feeling, that sense of elation and humility combined, is surely spiritual. So are our emotions in the presence of great art or music or literature, or acts of exemplary selfless courage such as those of Mohandas Gandhi or Martin Luther King, Jr. The notion that science and spirituality are somehow mutually exclusive does a disservice to both.”

COMMUNITY

I have come to believe that the best way to learn is in community with others where it is safe to ask questions, share doubts, challenge traditions and disagree. Those who are wholeheartedly seeking truth in a community where they can do those things will be able to accept a new idea, admit they changed their mind, adopt what they once opposed while at the same time living out their present beliefs with conviction. They will be able to be confident without feeling the necessity to be certain. They will accept the tension of knowing something while holding on to the idea that they may be wrong. I believe that community plays a big role when it comes to authority in the life of a Christian. Without community to challenge us, inspire us, motivate us we can easily become stagnant and set in our own ways hanging on to narrow views and missing revelations. Community gives us the opportunity to be refined when it rubs up against us and a place to gain humility when we recognize we are only a small part of something much bigger. In community we learn to forgive, we discover our own worth and the worth of others, we learn to love, we learn to handle conflict, we learn to accept help and to be helpful. I believe that community is both the catalyst for spiritual growth and the key to restoring faith.

Jesus said,“the helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything. He will remind you of everything that I have ever told you.”

I believe when elements such as scripture, science and community are imbued with and guided by the Holy Spirit we can trust the spirit to give us the ability to know how to live into the way of Jesus and love in the way of Jesus.

This “spiritual authority” is very different than the kind of certainty that many Christians have embraced in recent years because the Holy Spirit is full of mystery and unpredictability.

The concept of spirit is derived from the Hebrew word ruach. It is something that can be felt and not seen and is often translated as breath or wind. We don’t know which way the wind will blow. Ruach is unpredictable and mysterious.

I believe we are in “The Age of the Spirit” however, I think it is important that we not mistake this time as an excuse for mindless thought and action but instead recognize this is a time for deep introspection. This is not a time to carelessly say “God told me” or “the spirit led me” in order to try and give our own ideas more credibility. Instead, we should remain sensitive to the promptings and guidance of the spirit and as a result be a witness to God’s ways by letting our lives and actions reflect what a spirit filled life looks like.

“The Spirit-filled life is not a special, deluxe edition of Christianity. It is part and parcel of the total plan of God for His people.” A. W. Tozer

However, many are resistant to the idea of the Holy Spirit being the ultimate authority in in the life of Christians. Many believe we need an institution, an educated leader, a book or a creed. I think what scares people the most about the idea of the Holy Spirit being the ultimate authority in the life of Christians is allowing people to depend on themselves.

People might misunderstand what the Holy Spirit is saying to them.

Some may purposely misrepresent the Holy Spirit.

Many are self serving so they may ignore some things the Holy Spirit is revealing to them.

YES! YES! YES!

All of those things will happen … but none the less, I believe that the Holy Spirit is the correct source of authority for Christians today.

Brian McLaren points out:

“Jesus was short on sermons, long on conversations; short on answers, long on questions; short on abstraction and propositions, long on stories and parables; short on telling you what to think, long on challenging you to think for yourself.”

In the end, depending on the Holy Spirit means thinking for ourselves – discerning for ourselves. It’s risky but so are things like unconditional love and grace.

I believe the age of the Spirit has come, will you welcome it?

Phyllis Tickle would be a good source if you want to dive deeper. Here are two of her books I recommend:

On April 8, 2014 my life was changed forever. That day marked the beginning of a painful journey my family would be forced to travel. It is only now that I can honestly say it was a journey worth taking, and it took a long time to come to this realization.

My husband was approaching his 10th anniversary of ministry in our current church, as a Southern Baptist Pastor. We were in the middle of revival services and he called me at work to ask me out for lunch. I always love a lunch date with my husband, but when he asked during such a busy week, I knew something was up. When I pressed him, he told me that our youngest son, Addison, had told some kids in the youth group that he is gay. When I heard those words, my heart sank. I felt true panic. I couldn’t breathe. I was terrified.

Although it was a shock, I must admit it really came as no surprise. We had suspected this for most of Addison’s life, yet we dared not speak of it. But now it was real. The one thing I had dreaded and feared most for my son. He had spoken the words we would have never ever said ourselves. He said, “I’m gay.” The news had already spread to other parents and church staff, leaving us no option to handle this privately as a family. We were forced to deal with it immediately, and there was much more to consider than just our son, even though he was, by far, most important. We were a Southern Baptist minister’s family and I knew what that meant for us. Fear overtook me as I imagined what lay ahead for my family.

I used what little time I had that afternoon to research, “How to talk to your kid about being gay.” I didn’t find much, but I did come across these statistics. 40% of homeless youth are LGBT. 30% of gay youth attempt suicide near the age of 15. Almost half of gay and lesbian teens have attempted suicide more than once. Upon learning this, my mind raced back to when Addison was 14 years old. He went through the normal awkward teenager stage just as his brothers did before him, but it was more than just that. He was angry, and he seemed to hate everything about his life. One night, I caught him on his way upstairs to his bedroom, carrying a ziplock bag of pills. It was a mixture of Advil and Tylenol. His excuse was that he wanted to keep medicine upstairs for convenience whenever he had a headache. The youth minister revealed to us shortly after, that in a youth group meeting, Addison shared having suicidal thoughts. Around that same time, he came to us wanting to be re- baptized. He said he just didn’t feel like he had been saved before. We were very puzzled by this, but Scott counseled him and he prayed to receive Christ, followed by baptism in our church. We watched him very closely during that time, and things eventually got better. But looking back, I realized what my precious son must have been going through years earlier and it scared me to death!

That night, after an emotional wait, we finally had the opportunity to talk with Addison. We approached the conversation with an undeniable love for our son on one hand, and our deeply imbedded conservative theology on the other. When we confronted him, he admitted to telling his friends. He had participated in an “honest hour” online where people can ask questions and you must answer honestly. Someone asked if he was gay and he simply said, “Yes”. He did not intend to come out that way, it just happened. I never will forget hearing Scott tell him how disappointed we were that he had made this choice, and then seeing the look on my son’s face when he said, “Dad, this is not my choice! Why would anyone choose this? If I could choose anything, I would choose not to be this way!” He said he had prayed every night for years for God to change him, only to wake up the next morning, still the same. He had always heard from us that being gay is a sin. He heard his dad preach it from the pulpit, and he heard me say it at home. We had unknowingly created in him such a fear of rejection that he was too afraid to talk to us about it. He said he believed what the Bible said, but he couldn’t understand why God would say it’s wrong and still create him like that. It was at that moment I began to wonder the same thing, as I sat there with my heart breaking for him. Scott ended the conversation that night by making a deal with Addison. They both agreed to make it a matter of serious prayer and seek God’s direction concerning this. Scott told him if they both did that, he was convinced God would change one of them. I began praying too. I desperately wanted to pray for my son not to be gay, but instead I just prayed for answers. I had so many questions! Could it be that my son really was born gay? If so, why would God’s word clearly condemn homosexuality when it’s not a choice? Why would God give us a gay son, knowing it meant the “death penalty” for a Southern Baptist minister? We couldn’t reject our son, but were we wrong to accept him? How could anything good come from this? It felt like a curse!

For the next several days, well…actually weeks, I grieved. It took a conscious effort to even breathe as I merely went through the motions of my daily routine. I finally came to terms with the fact that this was real. It was not going away. I grieved the loss of my hopes and dreams I had for my son. The dream that one day he would marry one of those pretty girls he hung out with. The hope of him giving me grandchildren. I looked back at my son’s life and wondered where I went wrong. What could I have done differently? Did I mother him too closely? I guess I had a full blown pity party. Then one day I realized that this wasn’t really about me. It wasn’t about me at all. My son was gay. What did this mean for him? It meant that he would have to face prejudice throughout his entire life. Prejudice from people just like me who saw this as a sinful choice. A prejudice that could cost him family, friendships, employment, safety and basic civil rights. A prejudice that could leave him exiled from the church, and even worse, could cause him to leave his faith behind. This was my son. My son. MY SON! And then suddenly, I felt myself go quickly from “poor pitiful me” to “protective Mama Bear!” I went from, “Oh my God my son is gay!” to, “Yeah, my son is gay, what have you got to say about that?!” That’s when I realized God was changing me.

Meanwhile, my husband was devoting every spare minute he had to research, desperately searching for answers to reconcile our faith with our reality. He plowed through the Hebrew and Greek, researched Biblical culture, and read every book he could find on the subject. The more he read, the more he began to understand the scripture like he never had before. God was changing him too. I remembered the deal that Scott made with Addison that night in our bedroom, and I realized it wasn’t our son that God wanted to change. It was us.

I wish I could say that everything was easy from that point on, but actually, that’s when things began to get worse. Not only Scott’s job, but his career was hanging by a thread. We knew that if he left the church because of this, no other Southern Baptist Church would want him. What would happen to our family? Would we have to sell our house? How would we pay the bills? Were we facing bankruptcy? We hoped and prayed for the best, but tried to prepare ourselves for the worst, while keeping these worries from our son as best we could. Scott began looking for other job opportunities, but with no success. Ministry was the only thing Scott knew and he had poured his heart into nothing else for over 30 years. We feared for our family’s future, but we wanted to honor God with our actions. I knew it would be difficult to hold back words as our family went under attack, but Scott and I made a conscious decision to treat the church with the
same grace we desired for our family. We were convinced that God would protect us somehow if we trusted Him through this.

People were beginning to gossip in the church. Imagine that! Scott tackled it head on, meeting with the deacons to address all their concerns. He shared deeply from his heart. He told them he was studying to find answers and he didn’t know how it would affect his theology. He assured them that if and when he found himself in conflict with SBC doctrine, he would resign. The deacons said they were in 100% support of Scott, but they had some conditions. They wanted him to take three weeks off “to deal with our family crisis.” (Our family was just fine; the only crisis was with them.) They also wanted assurance that Addison wouldn’t try to “sway” any of the other young people to become gay (yes, really!) and prohibited him from talking about himself or doing anything “gay” on church property. And they wanted Scott to address the church when he returned, announcing to everyone that our son is gay, but that he did not support him and still firmly held to his beliefs according to Southern Baptist doctrine.

Scott did take a couple of weeks off. He honestly needed the break from the deacons! He used that time to research everything he could get his hands on, and we prayed for guidance on how to handle conflict with the church. Our son was our main priority, but we loved our church and we desperately wanted to protect it too. Scott decided against making a church-wide announcement. He met with the deacons when he returned and explained that for him to make a public announcement about our family’s personal affairs would be no different from them announcing all their family secrets. Were they willing to line up behind him to make their announcements as well? Nothing more was said concerning an announcement, but it made me wonder why all the attention was on our son, when all he did was go to school and come straight home to a few chores and homework every day. He had no social life. He wasn’t “doing” anything.

As time went on, the tension only grew as rumors were spread, private meetings were held, Scott’s sermons were picked apart, our parenting was criticized, and our family was put under the microscope like never before. Adults were even stalking Addison on social media, forcing him to close his Facebook account. We pulled him out of the youth group his senior year to protect him from the adult youth leaders, whom we no longer trusted. I was the Women’s Ministry Leader and very involved with the ladies of the church. Those that knew of our situation began avoiding me like a plague. I lost a best friend in the church who just couldn’t support me through this. Another close friend asked me, “Does Addison think he can still be a Christian now that he’s decided to be gay?” One of the ladies suggested my son had a disease and she was sorry we didn’t know about it soon enough to get him help. Another said, “I just want you to know I love your boys, AND Addison.”

Those words hurt me deeply, but what hurt most was the silence from the staff and leadership of the church, who knew our family was hurting. They did nothing to support us or minister to us. Maybe they just didn’t know how. I realized the vast majority of members were not even aware of the issue, and we tried very hard to keep it that way. But I felt so completely alone and isolated. It was a struggle to continue, putting on my smile week after week, as if nothing was wrong. As much as we tried to protect him, Addison became aware that some of the adults didn’t want him to be there. I’ll never forget him saying to me, “Mom, if they don’t want me at church, I can just stay home and Dad can have church without me there.” I told my son, “The day you stay home, I’ll be staying home with you!” My heart ached for him, and there was absolutely no one that could understand.

Friendships were lost, but God was so gracious. I prayed for people I could talk to, people who had been where we were. I was randomly searching the internet one day and landed on The Gay Christian Network (GCN). There, I found a wonderful support group of Christian people, but not like the Christians I was surrounded by at church. These people knew what it was like to be judged by other Christians and exiled from their churches. These people were gay Christians, and they became my new best friends. They were patient and understanding, even though they knew I saw them as sinners. They traveled my journey with me, treating me with unconditional love and compassion as they watched God change me right before their eyes.

Another life saver for me was a private Facebook group of moms that I found. You name it; these moms have been through it, from being outcast from their churches, losing their jobs, having their spouse leave, being disowned by family, and some even losing their gay child to suicide. I’ve cried with these women and they have cried with me. Although I may never meet most of them in person, they are my true friends.

Out of all our church members, God blessed us with two great couples that stood by us and loved our family through the fire. I realize the courage it took to support us, and the cost to them was great. Scott and I desperately needed them when others betrayed us, and I’m so thankful for their friendship.

With Addison’s permission, we told our family about his news early on. His brothers said they had known all along, and they both agreed that he is their brother and they will love him no matter what. Aaron, his oldest brother, said, “If anyone gives Addison a hard time about it they’ll only do it once!” It made me happy to know his brothers had his back. My sister offered her shoulder for me to cry on, and I used it often. That’s what sisters are for, and I’m thankful she was willing to listen. Scott agonized over telling his mom, but when he finally did, she said, “Well I could’ve told you that young man was gay years ago but it wasn’t for me to say!” My mother was supportive as well, although neither mom really understands what it means to be gay. They both think Addison could change his mind someday and they’re holding onto the hope that a pretty girl might turn his head.

As time went on, God continued to reconstruct our faith. One day Scott said to me, “I’ve changed and I don’t think the church can handle me anymore.” He had come to the place where he could no longer continue to pastor the church with integrity. It wasn’t even about our son anymore. My husband was not the same person he had been a year earlier, and there was no going back. He’s always been one to follow God’s call even when it doesn’t make sense, and even when there is no safety net. In May of 2015 he met with our personnel team leader to share his plans to resign, without another job waiting. Our prayer for the past year had been for God to show us if and when to close that door. Now we had to pray for Him to open a new one, quickly! God answered that prayer when a Chaplain from Hospice of West Alabama contacted Scott, asking him to submit a resume. God rewarded my husband’s faith by providing a fulfilling job where he could minister to families and make a real difference. Although this position created a substantial pay cut, we knew it was God’s answer to our specific prayer for provision. He announced his resignation to the church, and was able to leave under the best of circumstances; yet, it was by far the hardest thing we’ve ever done in ministry. We’ve left churches before, but this move was different from all the others. Not only were we leaving an 11-year pastorate, we were leaving our denomination behind. Thirty-two years of ministry as we had known it was now over.

We’ve considered visiting to find a new church home, but for me personally, the risk is just too great. I will never subject my family, particularly my gay son, to abuse by another church, ever. After the church family we loved and gave so much of ourselves to for eleven years chose not to support us, I can’t imagine how a new church, with no connection to us would fully accept our family. We no longer consider ourselves Southern Baptists. We’re just Jesus followers. And I must say, it feels good!

We’ve been accused of compromising our beliefs to accommodate our son, but nothing could be further from the truth. I believe God gifted us with a gay son and used him to bring about much needed change. Sometimes it takes something huge to get us to reconsider our lifelong interpretation of God’s Word. Our son’s life was important enough to search for the truth. And it was in our search that we discovered having a gay son was not the problem, but rather the means to finding the solution!

Our journey has been difficult to say the least. But God showed His grace to our family by offering protection, provision, and now healing.

What once seemed like a curse has turned into the biggest blessing of my life! I have changed and I would never want to go back to the way I was before.I am learning more and more every day what it means to REALLY love people like Jesus. To lay judgement aside, to show grace and understanding, and to walk a few steps in another’s shoes.

I’ve taught Addison all his life to love everyone, and to never put himself above another person. But in the last year, I’ve learned that more from him than I could have ever taught. I’m so proud of him. My son is brave, loving, smart, funny, creative, sensitive, caring, sooo handsome, …and oh yeah, he’s GAY! His two brothers are pretty amazing too!

One of my friends from GCN sent me these words that I have hung onto. “There is a difference between acting like a Christian and acting like Jesus. When you act like a Christian everyone at church will praise you and reward you. But Heaven help the Christian who starts acting like Jesus. When believers act like Jesus there is a price to pay. You won’t be understood and the church won’t be very happy. But the end result is a relationship with the living God that is real, and honest and loving. It is full of grace.”

These days my focus is pretty simple. I just want to act like Jesus.

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Jackie’s husband, Scott McQueen, a former Southern Baptist pastor of 31 years, has written Reasonable Doubt: A Case for LGBTQ Inclusion in the Institutions of Marriage and Church. The book is being published by CanyonWalker Press and will be available through Amazon and other outlets in paperback and e-book in January, 2018.

________________________________________________Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is set up so that only members can see who is in the group and what is posted there. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,000 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

This “Learning & Growing Together” series includes posts I have shared in myprivate Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids.The group,Serendipitydodah for Moms, is a place where moms of LGBTQ kids share a lot of support, information and encouragement … it is a place where moms of LGBTQ kids are learning and growing together with the purpose of developing and maintaining healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. One thing I love about the private Facebook group is we are all both teachers and students – we all learn from each other. I love that kind of community learning. The wisdom and insight is so rich. For more information about the group email me at lizdyer55@gmail.com

Real life often leads us to look deeper and wider at the things we believe. As we begin to dismantle our beliefs, in order to understand what we believe and why, it often feels like we are losing our faith. The struggle to hang on to our faith can fill us with anxiety and fear. One of the things that was very helpful to me when I felt like my faith was slipping away was “The Critical Journey, Stages in the Life of Faith” by Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich. Not only did the Stages of Faith make sense to me, but more importantly it let me know I wasn’t alone. Knowing that there were others who would understand what I was experiencing, who I could share my questions and doubts with, who I could turn to for wisdom and insight relieved me of enough anxiety to forge ahead into the process of deconstruction so that I could eventually start to rebuild a life of faith that was simple enough to be sustainable but rich enough to be compelling.

Take a look at this helpful chart before you start reading as the following is the commentary for the chart.

This is a long read but if you are struggling with your faith this is definitely worth reading.

Please leave your thoughts in the comments.

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Commentary for The Stages of Faith:

The critical journey is composed of six stages.

The first three are primarily external; the second three, internal.

In the first three stages, our faith or our spirituality takes its expression most frequently in ways that are prescribed by external standards, whether by the Church, a specific spiritual leader, a book, or a set of principles… Stages 4 through 6 represent a difficult personal transformation and reemerging that require a rediscovery on a different level of what faith and spirituality are all about. These are inner healing stages (spiritually and psychologically) for which the journey cannot be prescribed.

The First Three Stages: The External Journey

Stage 1 “is the discovery and recognition of God”. Accepting the reality of God can begin while one is young, or it can occur later through a religious experience or conversion. This conversion can be instantaneous or can occur over a long period of time.

Our first experience of God is wonderful and refreshing in its newness.

Regardless of our age, however, it seems true that most begin the journey in a childlike way. We come to it with innocence and freshness which is seldom ever again as vivid or vital. Consider the way we feel during the first stage of a romance or new friendship. Swept away by the experience of the relationship, we do not look at any of the negative aspects.

Stage 2 is “a time of learning and belonging” labeled “the life of discipleship”. This stage primarily involves learning in a community setting from spiritual leaders or religious writings. “Now, we stumble upon a set of ideas, a belief system or a group of people who show us the light and answer our questions. It is such a big relief and feels so safe and secure – like a haven in a storm. And for now, that is what we need.”

Stage 3 is “the productive life” and involves consciously serving God through one’s spiritual gifts. The truths learned at stage 2 find an outlet in service at stage 3.

Most evangelical models of Christian growth stop here. The implication is that the pinnacle of Christian maturity is faithful, committed service (usually in the context of a church). The most committed people serve professionally in the church. However, it is obvious that a person can arrive at this stage and still be self-serving, legalistic, immature, and inwardly unhealed. Christian service is not the best determiner of spiritual maturity. This is the value of Hagberg and Guelich’s model. According to them, “the productive life” is important, but it is not the goal. Indeed, on the map of the Christian journey, those at this stage are only half-way there!

Stages 4 – The Inward Journey

Stage 4: The Journey Inward Stage 4 is “the journey inward” – “a deep and very personal inward journey” that “almost always comes as an unsettling experience yet results in healing for those who continue through it”. In this stage, our former views of God are radically challenged. The disruption can be so great that we feel like we are losing our faith or betraying loyalties.

At this stage, many face an abrupt change to almost the opposite mode. It’s a mode of questioning, exploring, falling apart, doubting, dancing around the real issues, sinking in uncertainty, and indulging in self-centeredness. We often look hopeless to those around us.

The move from stage 3 to 4 is most often precipitated by a crisis in our life or our faith. That crisis makes many of the former truths and answers inadequate or inappropriate for the next phase in the journey.

The crisis “shakes our strongly held beliefs or assumptions and we feel adrift on a restless sea, fending for ourselves. Our sense of God is shaken and we can find no new direction, only more questions”.

For the first time, our faith does not seem to work. We feel remote, immobilized, unsuccessful, hurt, ashamed, or reprehensible. Neither our faith nor God provides what we need to sooth us, heal us, answer our prayers, fulfill our wishes, change our circumstances, or solve our problems. Our formula of faith, whatever that may have been, does not work any more, or so it appears.

Why does advancing to this stage usually demand a crisis? The reason is simple: No one would choose this kind of experience on their own!

Most of us are so comfortable and self-sufficient at the previous stage (called the productive or fruitful life) that we have no natural tendency to move at all. In fact, stage 4 does not even look like part of the journey for those of us at home in stage 3. It does not appear to be an extension of our faith and growth.Consequently, we are not drawn in this direction.

Our aversion to stage 4 is increased because of the very real dangers that accompany this stage. “Sometimes people drop off the journey totally at this point. Overwhelmed by pain or crises in our lives, we absolutely cut ourselves off from God”.

The end of stage 4 involves an experience of “the Wall” – “a face-to-face experience with God and with our own will”. It is impossible to go over, around, or under the Wall. One can only go through it. “The Wall experience is the place where… psychology and spirituality converge. Up to this point, one can be religious, spiritual, or fruitful and not be healed psychologically, or vice versa”.

At the Wall, we become “aware of all the lies we have accepted about ourselves”. We are forced to “face the truth” in order to move forward. “The Wall invites us to integrate our spiritual selves with the rest of us. And that involves facing our own and others’ demons. We must face that which we fear the most, and that is why it is so unsavory, and why so many people only enter the Wall under duress”.

Only through self-acceptance and surrender to God’s will can one go “through” the Wall to deeper levels of spiritual growth. “The power behind the transformation at the Wall is this: learn to embrace your whole story with loving, forgiving detachment”. We must accept ourselves with all our wounds and imperfections. We must experience God’s love and acceptance of us as we are in all our weakness and humanness. And then we must fully and completely surrender to God’s will, even though we remain in the dark.

If the description of the experience of the Wall and the solution to the challenges it provokes seems ambiguous, it is intended to be. The authors are aware of the great amount of mystery that surrounds this point of the Christian journey.

So the mystery of the Wall remains a mystery. We sit in awe of the process of surrendering and going through the Wall. But, as we emerge, we are able to move along on our journeys with much less clarity about the direction and much more assurance of not having to be in charge of our lives. We are being transformed, turned inside out.

Surprisingly, through doubts and difficulties we come to know God and ourselves better. Communicating this stage to others who have not experienced it is difficult. People at stage 1 can’t imagine such an experience. Those at stage 2 view it as a lack of conviction. Believers at stage 3 wonder whether we have become apostate altogether. It is hard for those at previous stages to recognize that doubt is not disbelief – doubt is faith taking itself seriously. Willfulness, not doubt, is the opposite of faith.

The Journey Outward Again: Stage Five and Stage Six

Stage 5 is “the journey outward” where our “focus is outward, but from a new, grounded center of ourselves”. At this stage, “we surrender to God’s will to fully direct our lives, but with our eyes wide open, aware but unafraid of the consequences”. We possess a new-found confidence that God loves us fully, just as we are. “There is a human tendency to think that if God really knew us God would not love us… At stage 5 we grow into the full awareness that God truly loves us even though we are never fully whole. God loves us in our humanness”.

With newfound inward resources, we “venture outside our self-interests to others”. We are weak, but whole. Aware of our faults, we are confident that God will work through us.

Wholeness looks a lot like weakness at this stage. Wholeness does not make us stronger; it allows God to work through our weaknesses. Wholeness means being very aware of our faults but not letting them trip us… God can use us most in our brokenness, a truth that was very hard to accept until the Wall experience.

To those still at earlier stages, we appear impractical, inefficient, and out of touch.

Frequently, we appear to be impractical and out of touch with reality. The way the world functions around us, people who are other directed, whole, selfless, and called by God are counterculture. When we love people despite their having failed miserably in our society for whatever reason, we are called naïve; when we stay with the grieving, we are considered caretakers; when we give money away, we are considered poor managers; when we yield, we are considered noncompetitive; when we let go, we are considered weak. We just do not fit with the realistic expectations of a world that is out to be productive and to win.Even the productive Christians at earlier stages in the journey think we at stage 5 have lost our edge…

At stage 5 we are not as oriented toward productivity with outward signs or products. Consequently, we appear less productive and slightly isolated. We are in fact quite active. But we have a tendency to do things behind the scenes or on a one-to-one basis. We never realize that we are hardly noticed. This style can be very confusing and even frustrating for those who want us to be leaders in the more traditional way.

Stage 6 is “the life of love” where God’s love is demonstrated through us “to others in the world more clearly and consistently than we ever thought possible”. By losing ourselves, we find ourselves. God’s presence is experienced in all relationships.

Our times alone with God come during the quiet times away as well as in the everyday, unceasing conversations. We have little ambition for being well known, rich, successful, noteworthy, goal-oriented, or “spiritual”… We are Spirit-filled but in a quiet, unassuming way.

We love with great compassion modeled after God’s love. We live with less and delight in doing menial tasks.

At stage 6 we can reach far beyond our own capacity and love our fellow human beings with deep compassion, because we know that all come from and are loved by God. As Jesus was compassionate even in Gethsemane, at his trial, and on the cross, so we are compassionate under extreme hardship…

At stage 6 we become aware that the more of God we have, the less of everything else we need. We do not renounce material possession. We simply learn to need them less; we become detached from things and people as props or bolstering devices…

We are full of surprises because we are so free, so full of God, and so whole. We can say or do preposterous things because we are not afraid of death. We can deliberately give up our lives, materially, physically, mentally, and emotionally for the service of others without feeling afraid of the deep loss.

Our expression of love is selfless rather than needy. We love without the need to be loved in return. We passionately love others in a dispassionate (disinterested, detached) way. We are not egocentric (self-centered), but theocentric (God-centered), christocentric (Christ-centered), and eccentric (others-centered). We love others, not for our sake, but for their own sake; not with our goodness in mind, but with their goodness in mind.

Having shed the false self – no longer rooted in possessions, accomplishments, and human acceptance – we embrace our true self, that of being eternally and fully loved by God.

It demonstrates that: The stages are normal. For those who are unfamiliar with the normalcy of stage 4 in Christian experience, their newfound doubts feel like an abandonment of faith rather than faith’s rediscovery and enriching. A faith-map that helps them see this as a normal and necessary step along the way to the life of love is priceless.

Growth is painful. Ask any person who is currently transitioning between childhood and adolescence and he or she will affirm this wholeheartedly. Growth comes at a price. It involves more than enthusiasm. It involves commitment, determination, and perseverance. Although we may desire to grow rapidly, our awareness of the difficulty involved in the transition from one stage to another should curb our desires to move ahead too quickly.

After reading about the stages on the journey, you may find yourself wanting to move because it looks better or will move you further along on the journey. This for many is a natural response, especially at stages 2 and 3. But look at some of the consequences. Moving from one stage to another always causes confusion. We are in a time of limbo between two stages. We may find it exhilarating and exhausting. Nothing seems certain. Something undefined lies ahead. Frequently, the move means loneliness, and can be very upsetting… though the change may be welcomed, it leads over an emotionally rocky road.

Maturity takes time and experience. There is no quick fix to spiritual maturity. There is no silver bullet to a deep, intimate relationship with God. Instant intimacy is an oxymoron. Just as in any human relationship, deeper trust and intimacy only comes through trials, struggles, and periods of doubt. The “critical journey” proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that real growth only comes through the crucible of suffering.

A Higher Call Than Service:

Most, if not all, contemporary evangelical models of growth climax at stage 3. For example, the “Purpose Driven Church” model assumes that a person is spiritually mature when they are part of the “committed core” – serving in and through the church according to their gifts.

But it is entirely possible (and indeed, quite probable) that many people minister for selfish reasons. Church activity is not an indicator of maturity. Busyness in church activities does not automatically lead to spiritual growth.

The church primarily focuses on stages 1 through 3 because the contemporary church is best equipped for these stages.

The church is generally best at working with people in stages 1 through 3, so the fact that the highest number of people is in stage 2 fits with how the church sees itself. It does raise some issues through, as to what and how the church relates to people beyond stage 3. So many people leave the church when they experience stage 4 or the Wall, since there are few resources or programs available for them, and they feel estranged when the faith they held dear does not work for them any more.

In his book, Exit Interviews, William D. Hendricks demonstrates that most of the dechurched (those who formerly attended or even served in a local church but have since left church-life altogether) have not lost faith in God. They have lost faith in the church. They have “grown disillusioned with the church and other institutions of Christianity” and have “lost the energy and enthusiasm they once had for programs of spiritual development.” Consequently, they “are now looking elsewhere to meet their deepest spiritual needs”.

The dechurched leave primarily because they are disillusioned with the church. They claim it is not “spiritual” enough – that it is stunting their growth.

Perhaps we should take their criticism seriously. Maybe the dechurched have exposed a very real weak spot in many evangelical churches – a stunted model of spiritual formation that leaves little room for questions, doubts, and rediscovery. Could it be that the stunted growth of the evangelical church comes from a stunted model of spiritual formation?

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group is sset up so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted there. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,600 members. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a few days. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers and public speakers.

This “Learning & Growing Together” series includes posts I have shared in my private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The group, Serendipitydodah for Moms, is a place where moms of LGBTQ kids share a lot of support, information and encouragement … it is a place where moms of LGBTQ kids are learning and growing together with the purpose of developing and maintaining healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. For more information about the group email me at lizdyer55@gmail.com

It can be hard for moms of LGBTQ kids and their kids to hang on to their Christian faith.

Being an LGBTQ Christian or an affirming Christian can be like walking through a minefield filled with condemnation, discrimination, marginalization and persecution.

In the midst of trying to hang on to their own faith, moms of LGBTQ kids often find themselves faced with their LGBTQ kids walking away from Christianity completely.

I always say that if we can at least believe in the way of love then we believe in what really matters, however, it is a sad state when people who love God are no longer able to passionately embrace the Christian faith.

The title of the book is a little misleading in my opinion because this “survival guide” has a much broader appeal than just LGBTQ Christians. The book can also serve as a valuable and helpful resource for allies of the LGBTQ community, supportive parents of LGBTQ kids, study groups, Open and Affirming churches (or those considering becoming Open and Affirming), and even those who are still discovering their views on sexuality and gender identity as it relates to their religious convictions.

Candace, who is a lesbian pastor, wrote this book as a gay Christian searching for how to live with integrity while contending with hateful opposition. The spiritual survival tips that conclude each chapter serve not only as summaries of the chapter but also as direct points of advice for coping with inevitable conflict.

This is not a book that spends a lot of time explaining relevant Bible passages and their interpretations – instead it is a sensible approach to handling the opposition and self-doubt that can undermine our sense of worth and belonging as a Christian.

Candace combines common sense, a commitment to psychological well-being, and a theology that is deeply grounded in the unconditional grace of God, to encourage her readers to place their trust in God’s love rather than in humanity’s brokenness.

Bulletproof Faith won’t replace books aimed at a biblical defense of LGBTQ issues. That isn’t the book’s goal. Yet, it does contain a good introduction to the biblical texts and provides enough information for those who want to give an answer and offer a starting point for dialog and/or to help inform those who question their support of LGBT rights from a perspective of faith.

Bulletproof Faith is about growing more fully and deeply in the power of God’s love and grace, and that means it really is a message for all Christians.

One thing I like to remind myself and others is that we might not agree with everything in a resource that is offered and that is ok. We can take what we consider to be helpful or what we are willing to ponder and leave the rest behind.

Some tips the book includes:

1. Developing a bulletproof faith is a process, long and nonlinear. It may involve taking one step forward and two steps back. There will always be chinks in your armor that will need repair. Stay vigilant.

2. Trust the inner voice that guides you. If you do, you’ll discover you know how to defend your faith already. Know that your inner voice is God revealed in your authentic self. Trust that voice above all others.

3. Respond to any and all attacks with gentleness and reverence. Resist the temptation to respond with the same viciousness with which you are attacked. Show love to everyone you meet.

4. Resist the temptation to let the opinion of others lead you to spiritual suicide. No attack, no matter how violent or severe, can kill your faith. Only you have the power to kill your faith.

5. Do not seek a bulletproof faith so that you can flaunt your strength or to try to defeat others in battle. Instead seek to become bulletproof so that you no longer feel the need to fight.

One of my favorite quotes from the book:

“Developing a bulletproof faith doesn’t mean we will never again have question or doubts. Instead, having a bulletproof faith means that those questions and doubts no longer ship-wreck our faith, but are welcomed as opportunities to deepen our understanding of our authentic selves.”

What has helped you when you felt like you were barely hanging on to your faith?

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,200 members. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a few days. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers and public speakers.

I get so weary of people insinuating that I am not serious about my Christian faith because I am affirming and support LGBT rights and protections. I became affirming through my faith, not in spite of it. I support equal rights and protection of LGBT people not “even though” I’m a Christian or “in spite of” of being a Christian, but BECAUSE I’m a Christian. I haven’t had to compromise or choose – I have fully embraced my faith throughout this journey.

Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us.This is the sixteenth installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.

Yesterday morning Franklin Graham announced he was going to share an important message for LGBT people and today he posted his message. It was full of harmful theology that makes loving mothers keep their lgbt kids as far away from church as possible. Here is “an important message for Franklin Graham.”

Dear Franklin Graham,

I have a private Facebook support group for Christian moms of lgbt kids. The group presently has more than 800 members. The love and support that exists in the community we have together is priceless. The group is not about trying to change our kids or treating them like they are broken because of their sexual orientation. The group is about us helping each other learn to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with our kids and inspiring one another to play a small part in making the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for lgbt people to live into the people they were created to be.

So many of the moms in the group have left the local church because it was no longer a safe place for their family. It was a place that marginalized and shamed them and their lgbt kid. It was a place that set up hopelessness and despair in the hearts of their child. It was a place that refused to re-examine their theology regarding same sex relationships even though their theology was producing death instead of life … spiritual death, relational death, emotional death and even physical death.

Good theology should produce good fruit – good theology should produce good psychology.

When our theology is producing hopelessness, despair, self loathing, self destruction and self harm it is time to stand up and say “we must have something wrong!!!”

Your message to lgbt people today was irresponsible and harmful. If you understood anything about lgbt people and their families you would at least know that posting a public message like that could potentially push a young lgbt person to the brink of doing something harmful to themselves. I can’t fathom why you would act so carelessly. It is truly beyond my understanding.

If you can’t bring yourself to become better informed, to have more compassion and love for lgbt people and their families and to act more responsibly then at least be kind enough to let these families walk away in peace and find Christian fellowship and community that is safe and life producing somewhere else.

Your post has already been liked by more than 60,000 and shared more than 25,000 times. Your influence is substantial and you are doing so much harm. You will be held accountable for the harm you do. Please stop!

And remember … the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love … and love does not produce death.

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There are more than 800 moms of lgbt kids in my Facebook support group. It is a place where moms of lgbt kids find and give a lot of support and share a lot of information. If you are interested in joining the private Facebook group for moms of lgbt kids send an email to lizdyer55@gmail.com and put“Mom’s Facebook Group” as the subject.

Matt and Steve were legally married on September 6th, 2015 after 23 years together. They were married at the United Church of Christ in Midland, Michigan, where they have faithfully attended church together for over a decade.

A sister’s loving words to her brother and his husband …

Like many across America. I have spent decades in prayer to see marriage equality and this day in Matt and Steve’s life.

So…. What a day!

First: God Bless America that we can be here today celebrating Matt and Steve’s wedding!!!!

Next…. God bless those whom laid the foundation of our families!

Our grandparents: Lloyd and Rose, who gave all for their daughter, Dee, our beautiful, loving mom, here today. Then, her four kids… Us , all here today, along with the future generations to honor Matt and Steve.

Then, remembrance of our dad, Ken along with Steve’s mom, Dar, who are in Heaven.

It was the early 1990’s when Matt, in his late 20’s had a gall bladder surgery. Sue, mom and I went to help. While we were there. This young, handsome guy named Steve came to visit Matt.

I stood there…. Watching the eyes of Matt and Steve looking at one another… And I knew… This was it…. This was his love… Romantic love… that once in a life time love. Type of love I already shared with my husband, Dennis.

Time. Decades went on. Day by day Steve and Matt built a life together. Yet, something was missing… A family…. That messy type of maternal love that children bring.

Nick, as a teenager, came into their life. Bringing the beginning of family. Which now includes Robin, Nick’s love.

Yet, it was not complete. So prayers continued and our precious Eli found his way to earth and into their lives and our hearts forever.

When Eli was born in 2009. Steve and I stood and looked at one another in the hospital. Both doing all we could to not turn into blubbering idiots.

For seeing Eli, was like the first time I saw Matt.

Love……

Overflowing from the heart. Maternal, instinctual love.

So today…. We celebrate love… We celebrate life… We celebrate the devotion of generations. We celebrate friends and family…

We celebrate The commitment we give to one another, as humans, to help one another through life.

Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. This is the sixth installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.

Jackie McQueen posted this on her Facebook page! People like her are changing the world! You can show your support and encouragement to Jackie by going to her Facebook page here and liking her post!

This post is going to upset some people. Some may unfriend me on FB, or even write me off as a friend altogether. But I’ve reached the point that I cannot take anymore. I’m done. I mean really done.

I have not gone off the deep end. I’ve simply made a choice and I’m finally brave enough to share it. I’ve chosen to love people. I’ve made a drastic change in the way I want to treat people. I didn’t realize how much change was necessary. I thought I already loved people. Everyone! But the more deeply I dug into my heart, I realized there were things in there that didn’t belong. Things like prejudice, judgment, pride, and neglect. I had spent more time looking at the sin in other people’s lives than I had spent seeing them JUST AS THEY ARE. All my life I’ve bought into the “love the sinner, hate the sin” rhetoric. I’m finally realizing that what Jesus actually taught was to love the sinner and hate our own sin; to look at the plank in our own eye rather than the speck in our brothers’!

There are some things that are impossible to change about ourselves. I believe that more now than ever! But the way we treat people is definitely a choice. So, I choose to love. I will do my best to love all people. That means straight people, gay people, bi people, trans people, bi-racial people, people of all races, and backgrounds, no matter what side of the tracks they’re from. I will even love ignorant, close-minded people who judge me for loving people. I will strive every day to see people through the eyes of Jesus. I will let God be the judge and let the Holy Spirit do the convicting, while I simply love.

I’ve heard some say that the gay “lifestyle” is being shoved down their throat. I can only speak for myself, but no one has tried to persuade me to be gay. Nobody has asked me to be transgender. Now that I think about it, no one has asked me to be anything other than who I am. None of my rights are being withheld! I’m able to worship wherever I choose! I haven’t faced discrimination in the workplace. No one harasses me for being who I am. I can shop wherever I want, and nobody has refused me cupcakes or pizza! But our judgmental attitudes are constantly being shoved down the throats of people who are different. I don’t understand why we spend so much time focusing on the personal lives of others, most of whom we will never even meet! We make it our job to point out everyone else’s sin as we interpret it. Some of us go as far as to disrespect them, and pass judgment on them. Why do we feel the need to debate their sin when it doesn’t concern us? Why can’t we just let it lay? My mother always taught me if I can’t say something nice to say nothing at all. It’s time to stop meddling in other peoples’ business because lives are at stake here, people! Can you imagine living your entire life being told that who you are and what you feel on the inside is wrong? That you’re gross? Unworthy of acceptance? That you’re an abomination? Or even worse, that you can’t go to Heaven?!! Do you have any idea what damage that can do to someone? Did you know that 40% of homeless youth are LGBT? That 30% of gay youth attempt suicide near the age of 15? Almost half of gay and lesbian teens have attempted suicide more than once? Is your opinion more valuable than their precious lives? They need to hear that they are good enough! That there is a wonderful and merciful Savior that loves them JUST AS THEY ARE! It’s not our job to decide who’s in and who’s out! Jesus only gave us one job: Love God supremely, and love others! When you really understand what it means to love others, you realize two things. 1) That includes everyone. I mean everyone! …E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E! 2) It requires personal sacrifice, putting the needs of others before your own, laying personal beliefs aside in order to show them Jesus. Christians, we are the Christ they see! What are we showing them?

Please read this from my heart. I love my facebook friends. But I use FB as a place to give and receive encouragement. I don’t expect anyone to compromise their beliefs for the sake of my friendship. But it’s not always about proving whose right or making your convictions known at the expense of damaging other people. Sometimes it’s more important to show compassion and just leave things to God. I can no longer compromise my feelings by subjecting myself to all the negativity I’ve seen here from Christian friends. If this post offends you, please unfriend me. I’ve done a little unfriending myself lately, so it’s OK. And try to remember, ya never know when a situation may find its way into your own family, and when it does, you’ll have absolutely no choice in the matter other than how you react to it. Will you choose to simply love? – Jackie McQueen

This is a response from David Gushee to George Guthrie’s review of Dr. Gushee’s book, Changing Our Mind. George is a man Dr. Gushee considers a friend, highly respects and considers to be the very best of his tribe. However, on this matter, they disagree.

The response takes the form of a parable:

There once was a devout Christian father. We will call him Abraham. He loved the Lord, loved his wife Sarah, and loved his son Isaac. Every day he read the Bible. Every day he prayed. Every day he instructed his family in the way of the Lord as he understood it. Every week he took his family to church.

Around the time that young Isaac turned 7, Abraham noticed that Isaac preferred to play with dolls rather than blocks, with girls rather than boys. Father Abraham encouraged Isaac to play with the boys and the blocks. Isaac tried.

Around the time Isaac turned 10, Abraham learned that Isaac was being bullied in his Christian school by the other boys, being called a ‘sissy’ and a ‘fag.’ Abraham complained to the teacher, but encouraged Isaac to try to be a little more masculine. Isaac tried.

Around the time Isaac turned 14, Isaac discovered that unlike his male peers he did not feel any particular interest in the developing forms of the girls in his school. While he still liked being friends with girls, he was attracted in a very different way to a particular boy in school. Isaac, responding to his biblical training, prayed earnestly that God would help him be attracted to girls rather than boys. Isaac tried.

Around the time Isaac turned 16, with his attraction to young men rather than women growing all the stronger despite his many prayers, fasts, and tears, Isaac finally told Abraham of his struggle. Abraham was shocked and dismayed at this news from his son. He walked his son through the biblical passages that address same-sex acts. He promised to pray with his son for him to be rid of these sinful, disordered attractions. He asked his son to follow the biblical path and commit all the more to suppressing his same-sex attractions. Isaac tried.

Around the time Isaac turned 19, despite three more years of praying, studying, weeping, and fasting for change of his sexual attractions, and never once acting on them, Isaac began a course of counseling at his Christian college. The counselor walked him through the same six Bible passages that Isaac had long ago memorized. He told him that change was possible if Isaac only prayed, fasted, studied scripture, and repented of his wrongful desires. Isaac tried.

Around the time Isaac turned 21, he became very depressed over the persistence of his same-sex desires and their irreconcilability with Christian faith. Isaac decided not to tell his father Abraham about his depression, for which he continued in counseling and eventually began taking medicine.

Around the time Isaac turned 23, he fell in love with a male colleague at his new job. But Isaac, trying hard to be a good Christian as he understood it, finally decided that he could not move ahead with the relationship. One night, despondent, he took an overdose of the pills he had been taking for depression. He survived.

Abraham and his wife Sarah came to visit Isaac in the hospital. Isaac finally opened up to them about the strength and permanence of his same-sex attraction, and of the spiritual misery he was experiencing in trying to reconcile his faith with this apparently permanent part of himself. Abraham and Sarah counseled Isaac to stand firm, to pray, fast, study, and weep before the Lord, saying God would provide the needed strength. Isaac tried.

Around the time Isaac turned 27, he fell in love again. He was utterly torn. Finally he attempted suicide again, unable to face the prospect of either renouncing his faith in order to at last have a partner, or renouncing the partner to stand firm with his faith. Abraham and Sarah were concerned for Isaac. They urged him to pray, fast, and study Scripture. Isaac tried.

After this second suicide attempt, Isaac turned to a new counselor. Eventually he made a new decision. He concluded that he could no longer live in this way. He could not live without the kind of companionship that his parents enjoyed and that many of his friends now enjoyed. It wasn’t about sex. It was about partnership, love, companionship. At Christmas, he told his parents this news. Father Abraham told him, “If you pursue this path you will be in sin. We will not recognize your relationship. We will not attend any wedding of yours. We will not welcome your partner in our home. We will pray that God will turn your heart and spare your eternal soul. You will have displeased us greatly.” Isaac grieved.

But finally Isaac decided that he could not follow his father’s path any longer. Around the time Isaac turned 30, he found a partner. Abraham did not allow Isaac to bring his partner to the family home. Isaac told his father: “if you do not allow my partner to visit you, I will not visit you ever again. To welcome me, you must welcome him.” Abraham said, “If this is the price I must pay to be faithful to God, I will pay it.” Isaac did not come home. Relations worsened. Eventually Abraham and Isaac broke off all ties.

And so, Abraham sacrificed his relationship with his son Isaac on the altar of his faith.

And so, many Abrahams sacrifice many Isaacs on the altar of their faith. These Isaacs are legion. They can be found enduring their predictably tortuous lot in millions of Christian families, churches, and schools. They can be found eventually alienated from these same Christian families, churches, and schools. I have met or heard from hundreds of them in the last few months. They and their friends and allies are asking for some relief.

Finally, today, some Christians are paying attention. Some are allowing the predictable yet tragic suffering of the Isaacs of the church to play a role in how they think about the overall message of the Bible to this particular 5% of the human family. The intense suffering of LGBT young people attempting to navigate this particular landscape of dead ends doesn’t resolve all the theological or ethical issues. BUT IT MUST BE CONSIDERED. NO TREATMENT OF THIS ISSUE THAT FAILS TO ADDRESS THAT SUFFERING IS ADEQUATE. That’s all. Some call that commitment on my part “existentialism” or allowing “experience” to displace scripture. Others might call it an attempt to fulfill the core moral teaching of both Old and New Testament — love your neighbor as yourself. That’s what I am doing here. And that’s what I will continue to do. Others will disagree. So be it.

And if you think it wrong to consider that suffering, just ask yourself this; what if you were Abraham, and it was your son who was Isaac? Would you sacrifice your son on that altar? Is that what the God we have met in Jesus Christ would require of you? Or might there be a faithful biblical alternative?