Friday, April 6, 2012

Wishes for a child that are loving and healthy

I wrote yesterday about the vehemence of some parents at the thought of a gay child. That was, in a sense, an update of an earlier post about the Family Acceptance Project.

Caitlin Ryan, the head of the Family Acceptance Project, was in Michigan for several days. A couple days after I met her she gave a presentation at Affirmations Gay and Lesbian Center in Ferndale. That meeting was written up in Between the Lines and provides more details than I did.

In response to my post yesterday, my friend and debate partner wrote:

We know that some people become parents without mindful preparation for the tremendous risk and commitment they chose, and some fail to adjust, earning well-deserved grades of F as parents. So, not all parents understand that wanting the best for their kids (never mind gender preference) is even part of the deal.

But I'm going to give the writers of those hateful wishes for hypothetical future children the benefit of the doubt and wish them a second chance. Very likely, they responded impetuously on Twitter, from childish bigotry without engaging their best adult selves. If they actually experience pregnancy and birth, hold their child in their arms, experience their child's responses and unconditional love... their wishes for that child could be much more loving and healthy.

If I can understand that, having never had the experience, so can almost all of them. The vast majority of kids are pretty well loved and mature well.

I've heard lots of stories of Fundie parents who have a change of heart because the love for their child is stronger than their religious beliefs. Here is such a story from the last month. Another is the story that Seething Mom tells about learning that her son is gay. The experience prompted her to dump her church, her political affiliation, and one brother. She can write eloquent rants on how the Fundies affect her son.

But, alas, some parents maintain the thought, If you're gay, I'll kill you. I've served supper to some of these kids at the Ruth Ellis Center. It is why the Ruth Ellis House is a residency program to provide a home for kids until they can set off on their own.