Some of the toughest questions we tend to ask ourselves seem to be unanswerable, or nearly so. Sometimes, we don’t know what we want. Hell, sometimes we don’t even know who we are. But, what if I told you there’s a secret to understanding the self? What if I told you that you can find out who you are? Well, I’m going to tell you right now. In fact, it’s incredibly easy to find your true self.

Bringing your true self to light is more of a consequence of being natural and instinctive. It’s about letting go.

It begins with acknowledging what you want. That’s right. You are a self-centered, selfish bastard.

Okay, not exactly. But to simplify, and to detract the narcissism, focus on your needs. Yes, it’s okay to focus on yourself once in a while; it’s not mean to be looking after yourself. Indeed, that means saying no to things you are not interested in. Yes, maybe you don’t want to go out tonight. Then don’t. Yes, maybe that Penn State student is trying to reel you in at the career fair since you just made eye contact. Say no thanks, I’m not interested. In sum it’s okay to look after yourself by doing what you want.

In addition, it’s important to do these things in an assertive manner. No, being assertive is not being aggressive, or passive. Being assertive is communicating your needs in a positive manner.

Moreover, when you focus on what’s around you naturally, without judgment, while seeking your own needs in an assertive and self-interested manner, and while retaining your empathetic senses depending on the situation, you’re tapping into your true self. It’s not about being an asshole. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. It’s about being a real, confident person.

I firmly believe that everyone’s true self is one’s confident self. That is, everyone’s true self is the self that gets what it wants. This, I believe, is highly dependent on one’s temperament. Everyone’s desires are different. For example, introverts would rather stay in, while extroverts would rather be out. However, of course, not all introverts are always introverts, and not all extroverts are always extroverts. It goes on a case by case basis, and is based on a spectrum of reactions to different situations.

In essence, if you’re getting what you want, you’re opening up to your true self.

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“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” – Lao Tzu