Q&A

How can I break the habit of looking at porn, once and for all?

First, realize that this is not a battle that you’re likely to overcome alone. You need support. Find a person with whom you can be honest about your habit, and be accountable to him or her. For example, a family member, counselor, youth leader, or good friend should be able to help you win the battle.

Second, install accountability software on your phone and computer. The web site covenanteyes.com is helpful in this area.

Third, delete your websites, and computer files, and if you have pornographic magazines or videos, throw them all away immediately. You might even want to consider whether there is any way you can take a break from using the Web entirely, or go a while with minimal Web access (perhaps with the images turned off in your browser or with a text-only browser, like Lynx, that does not use images).

Fourth, it’s helpful to identify the factors that contribute to your habit. Often, we assume it’s simply lust when there are often other causes (such as stress, loneliness, anger, boredom, etc). Until you get to the root of these other issues and find healthy ways to handle them, then the problem of porn will be much more difficult to overcome.

Fifth, take a look at your motivation to overcome the habit. Are you simply trying to conquer the temptations because the habit is embarrassing or because you are afraid you will be caught? Elevate your motivation so that you are working to overcome the problem for the sake of love.

When a person looks at pornography, on some level he or she is looking for love. It is a warped attempt to give of yourself and receive another. The fantasies may seem as if they are entirely yours, although a million other people feel the same way toward them. If a person longs for love, then he or she must strive to acquire the selflessness that will enable him or her to properly love another. Getting rid of porn should not be seen as a loss but as an opportunity to grow in that selflessness.

If you’re a young man, imagine that you found the woman of your dreams and got married. As you carry her across the threshold of your honeymoon suite, she wraps her arms around your neck, looks into your eyes, and whispers how excited she is. She tells you that she has waited all her life for this day, and to make it extra special, she has been looking at thousands of pornographic images of men on the Internet. How would you feel? You see, not only should we wait for our spouses with our bodies; we should wait for them with our minds. So for the sake of love, trash the pornographic magazines, Web sites, and videos. If you’re going to get married one day, isn’t your bride worth waiting to see, instead of filling your mind with images of other women’s bodies?

If you persevere in the battle your desire to look at pornography will decrease. You will not lose sexual desire, but when you see others degraded, you will be filled with pity for them instead of lust. What many people do not realize is that the virtue of purity is not supposed to annihilate your attractions. It won’t kill your sexual desires or cause you to forget the attractiveness of others. It will open your eyes to the full beauty they possess, so that you won’t want to look at them as mere body parts. When you trash the porn and decide to actually love, you will see that the passing satisfaction of porn was nothing but an illusion that promised you everything and gave you nothing.