:)

Monday, July 7, 2014

A True 'Mardaani' !

The
moment I read about this movie and this contest, the first name that crossed my
mind was that of one of my grandmother’s relative who was, in all the ways, a
true Mardaani. I would love to share her story here and extend my
gratitude to this contest by Blogadda, for otherwise this story would have
remained forever under folds of old memories.

She
is Kumud, my granny’s first cousin and an octogenarian. Born into a reputed Brahmin
family, she was married when she was around 17 or 18 years of age. Her new home
in a city in Rajasthan was perfect! Unfortunately, good times did not last long
and within a few days, the beautiful facade disappeared and a very painful
truth emerged out. Her husband, a well to do business man, moved to another
city where he had a shop and she followed him like a dedicated Indian wife.
However, as soon as she reached the new city, a shock awaited her- that man was already married to a half-British-half-Sindhi woman and they even had three
children together. Since the stingy memsahib hated any sort of household work
and also that his family too wanted to get rid of her, he shamelessly married
my granny’s cousin under that pressure.

Unfortunately in India, marriage is
perceived to be a panacea for everything that goes wrong- from setting delinquent,
alcoholic and abusive sons to complex relationships and even bad karma straight.
The environment there was as negative as it could be. It was a huge house and
she was literally confined to a single dingy room in a corner and was made to
do all the household work like cooking, cleaning and laundry of the entire
family. The memsahib would go hopping the markets and parties every day
leaving her to take care of her three children. Whenever she tried to raise her
voice, she was beaten and threatened. My granny also revealed that he also made
her write happy letters to her father so as to avoid his trips to that place.

Around six or eight months passed this way. One day, on the pretext of buying
some groceries, she traveled straight to his father’s place all alone (with
some saved and stolen money). The father, a benevolent man, was quite ashamed
of what his son had done but being frail and helpless, could not do much to
stop him. However, he did one wonderful thing. He not only treated her as his own
daughter but also gave her all of the jewelry of his late wife and cash that he
had, much to the chagrin of his other son. She filed a police complaint and
contacted her father with the help of her father-in-law. The families met and
after a lot of hullabaloo and dirty fighting, she legally separated from that
wretched man, who was to be later disowned by his own family too. By the standards
of that time, she was quite educated and using the money, began her graduation
course. She stayed with her father-in-law because of some reason may be
attachment or that her college was in that city. After completing her BSc, she went
ahead for MSc in Botany. She used to tutor students at home and support herself
in every way that she could. One more thing that this incident teaches us is
that education is finally the thing that liberates us as it did her in this
case.

My granny told me that after the old man died, she shifted to a women’s
hostel as the other son and his wife forced her to do all the household chores
and stopped her from continuing her master’s degree. She still had enough gold
and cash but was quite prudent in spending it and managed a good portion of her
expenses in her tuition income. Later, she enrolled into a PhD course, a rare
sight in that era when most women did not go beyond primary school. She got a
job in a Government college in another city and there, our mardaani, started
her life afresh and went ahead to marry a colleague from a different community-
a proper love marriage! She retired as the principal of that very college and now,
in her eighties, she lives in a huge bungalow they built with their own income!

I
salute not only that lady but also her father who got her educated till school in
those times and of course, her father in law, who supported her
unconditionally!

This is such an inspiring story, Ankita. True Mardaani!Glad she didn't suffer doing household chores thinking it's her "duty" like a pativrata bharatiya naari...Great that you have shared this story thanks to this contest :)Best wishes! May you meet Rani!

I prefer the word 'Auratani' or whatever.. As in our male dominated society 'mard' is synonym to fearless and the one with guts.. Like there are fearless men and coward men.. Similarly there are fearless women and vice versa.. And I am proud of your Aunt.. Women like this will eventually change the definition and mind set of the people for Women.