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Message From The Author

The author at a blowout for the Marquis de Sade, circa last weekend.

Welcome to Dry-Humping Parnassus! My name is Robin Lucas and I’ll be providing you with excellent service!*

This blog was established in 2014 as a suppository repository for a handful of selected poems that weren’tselected by literary journals. Most of them were written years ago. And rewritten. Again and again. (As Hemingway advised, “The first draft of anything is shit,” which is the best writing advice you can get, other than “Get your ass in the chair and type something!”) And I’m happy to have finally shared them with you.

There’s plenty of other stuff to choose from—stories, satire, humor, etc.—and I’ll be adding more of that in the future, pending my ability to isolate the corresponding voices in my head. Truth in advertising.

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7 thoughts on “Message From The Author”

Robin, I just stumbled into your blog, and I’ve barely even been drinking very much at all right now about three or four I think. So … um … what was I saying?

Oh, I remember. I like your blog. I think I want to follow it (follow you? but not stalking, of course, more … um … yes, follow your blog) and read it again. Thanks for the recipes and decorating ideas. I’ve found them most practical, or at least more practical, is the superlative more or most appropriate? So that’s my question, I guess, for you tonight, now that I realize this is actually a grammar blog: Is the superlative more or most appropriate? And if so, when?

Sonny, thank you for following my blog, and I apologize for the delayed reply. I’ve been away from this for the past several weeks, but here I am, ready to answer your question as best I can…

“Thanks for the recipes and decorating ideas. I’ve found them most practical, or at least more practical, is the superlative more or most appropriate? So that’s my question, I guess, for you tonight, now that I realize this is actually a grammar blog: Is the superlative more or most appropriate? And if so, when?”

Well, I suppose the quick answer here is “most practical,” assuming you’re not comparing my “recipes and decorating ideas” to those of another blog (or other blogs) specifically; and if you are, then “more practical than [insert specific blog or blogs]” would be the appropriate superlative.

However, after perusing your blog and “About” page, and learning that you’re not only a seasoned writer but the senior copy editor of a literary journal, I’m guessing you’re already aware of that distinction, and perhaps your question was meant to be a test of sorts? If that’s the case, a) thank you, and b) did I pass? I only ask because I’m loath to consider myself a grammar expert, and I welcome any opportunity to improve on my skills.

Speaking of that, I had no idea that mine is a grammar blog, or, for that matter, what a grammar blog actually is. What are the characteristics of a grammar blog that distinguish it from a poetry, prose, and/or humor blog? I await your answering in turn. Thanks again.

OK, Robin, you caught me. That was indeed a test, and I’m happy to report that you passed it. No, you did more than pass, you knocked it out of the park, and since the bases were loaded at the time, I’m recording it as a grand-slam, four-run homer on my scorecard, if I could find it. . . . . Well, it probably fell behind the fridge again, so I’ll just pencil that in later. I’ve already copied down, word for word, your fearless lesson on the use of the superlative, and I hope to feature an excerpt of it in my next blog post (properly attributed to you, natch), tentatively titled, “My new friend, Robin.”

And you needn’t be so modest–yours is one of the best grammar blogs in the business, fairly overflowing with words, sentences, punctuation and all sorts of clauses and even phrases that follow the rules of usage and written text. I’ve always thought grammar was so important, along with good grooming, haven’t you? On those points I sense that you are in agreeance. If, however, you want to call it a poetry, prose, and/or humor blog, that is certainly your right, provided you are the legal owner of the blog. But my advice, truly? Don’t hide your light under a bushel basket–own it and proclaim it to the world! I AM A GRAMMAR BLOG! AND IF BEING A GRAMMAR BLOG IS WRONG, THEN I DON’T WANT TO …. I said, I DON’T WANT … um … well, this is embarrassing, I’ve forgotten the rest of my credo, but I hope you get the idea.

Fair enough, Sonny… but your fastball was right down the middle and clocked at maybe 85? 90? You were going pretty easy on me. And to be honest, my hit wasn’t exactly a grand slam. The ball crossed the foul line just before it cleared the fence, and for some reason the umpire called it fair ball. (Either that or he was paid to keep his mouth shut.) What I mean to say is, “more” is actually comparative, not superlative to the adjective “practical,” something I forgot before stepping into the batter’s box–and proof that I’m not Grammar Girl–so mark that as a strike on your scorecard. If your scorecard is lost behind the fridge, pencil it in as partial credit, whichever is more prac… well, you know.

I’m really enjoying our baseball parlance. Baseball is one of my favorite games, along with spirited artistic debate, writing a bunch of words and sentences and clauses and phrases and other stuff, and acting a #hashtag fool on Twitter, the product of which isn’t Major League Writing® but writing nonetheless, and it keeps me in the game. That’s my excuse, anyway.

In regard to your suggestion to call this a grammar blog as opposed to a poetry, prose and humor blog: In the context of the latter, I don’t care if this is a minor league ballpark, or a training camp even, but I’m still at a loss as to why I should call it the former. (And yes, I’m the legal owner here, if by that you mean original author, or, as I often joke to myself, benevolent dictator.) So getting back to my original question: What are the characteristics of a grammar blog that distinguish it from a poetry, prose and humor blog? You’re too experienced and thorough to have missed that, so perhaps you’re just hoping I’ll “get the idea?” Or take two and hit to right?

Which begs the more important question (apology in advance if I get this wrong because the light under my bushel basket isn’t quite bright enough): Since your suggestion “grammar blog” clearly implies that this is not a “poetry, prose and humor blog”–despite my best efforts over the past 20 years or so–is the former most dismissive or more dismissive of the latter? Is the superlative or the comparative appropriate, assuming either is necessary as opposed to merely dismissive?

Love the blog. Think I now need to re-write my about me section. I’m going to follow you if that’s okay. Anybody that writes about ritalin in flash fiction is my kind of writer. By the way, where is your recipe section?

However, when I saw the discussion had turned to your recipes and decorating ideas, I had to jump back in to wholeheartedly endorse the way you’ve incorporated both so seamlessly into your grammar blog. So seamlessly, in fact, that I can no longer find them. I can’t find the “two thumbs up” button anymore, either. Can you help? (God I hope this isn’t a ploy to improve your site’s engagement stats by forcing us to linger over each page and post, scouring them for recipes and decorating ideas while you rack up precious minutes per page view. No, I refuse to believe that. I won’t believe it. I won’t. No.)

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.