SCOPHINE: Kenyans should get real and authentic with wedding vows

I am not a sucker for weddings. My opine is that there are better, less demanding and cheaper ways to legalise a marriage but that is a personal opinion and I can shove it wherever.

Still, if one day I get these bridal offers with free perks and there is a potential groom lurking somewhere in the offing, then I might just take it.

Talking of weddings, who else is tired of the traditional and unconventional vows? I mean, why struggle to have an extinguished wedding that its theme is unique, a wedding that stands out only to recite the same old vows that your great, great aunt recited?

Marriage is changing, from who can get married to who actually ends up doing it. But marriage isn’t obsolete, in fact, in many ways it’s thriving even as couples in our society are foregoing traditional wedding customs to modernise their nuptials through their choice of rings, dresses and officiates. What has remained awfully the same are the same old vows of…

“I so and so do take thee so and so to be my legally wedded wife/husband, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer and to forsake all others till death do us part.” I am not quite certain about the words but I think I’m close.

The repeat after me traditional vows that pastors read and you recite sound rigid, fake and unrealistic. Coaxing someone into saying things like to “forsake all others” when in reality they have forsaken none is a joke, that man still sleeps with his ex-lover. Women mistreat or dump husbands when they go broke, husbands are known to ditch wives who get baby fats let alone get sick despite vowing not to do the same on an altar.

This is why personally I feel these vows are not in tune with reality. I am all the way for personalised vows which in my understanding are promises someone has owned, comes from their heart and you can hold someone accountable for. I would wish that my partner only promise what he has chosen to and can fulfill and vice versa.

Your wedding is your day; it comes once in a lifetime and thus relish in it, make it your own and take your sweet time. Thrill the guests and family with something real when it comes to the vows you make to your partner. If by some divine intervention I ever walk down the aisle, my vows would go something like this.

“From the moment I met you, you’ve surprised, distracted, captivated, and challenged me in a way that no one ever has. I’ve fallen in love with you over and over again countless times without reservation. (I would only think of marrying a man who has done that)

I promise to be a true and loyal friend to you for the bedrock of friendship is where a happy and lasting marriage lies on. I will uplift and support you, frustrate and challenge you to be a better person and expect nagging to be part of doing so. (I’m already good at that one) and to share with you all the beautiful, quirky moments in life, and maybe someday, if the stars align, I might even let you win an argument.

I promise to support you when you’re sad even for the silliest of reasons like losing a game or bet, to guide you when you ask for direction. I promise to communicate fully and fearlessly not by giving subtle clues or saying “hakuna” when in reality I am mad as hell, or through Emojis but by sitting down face-to-face, making eye contact and being vulnerable and honest without fear of judgment from you.

I will value our differences as much as our common ground in a society that grows more divisive on cultural, religious and increasingly political basis; as I hold tight to my views, I will remember that our differences don’t have to actually divide us.

I will love your family as if they were my own, comfort you when Arsenal lose and share a tot with you when they win. I’ll try not to hurt you just because I’m angry, hungry or tired for I am at my worst during those moments. I will be your partner in all things, not possessing you, but working with you as a part of the whole.

You cannot command me, for I am a free person, you cannot possess me for I belong only to myself but from this day it shall be only your name I cry out in the night, and into your eyes that I smile each morning. I shall be a shield for your back as you are for mine and serve you in those ways you require.

I see these vows not as promises but as a privilege that I do not take for granted for marrying you is not a necessity but more of a choice.

By the life that courses within my blood and the love that resides within my heart, I take thee to my hand, my heart, and my spirit, to be my chosen one. Until another woman puts us asunder, amen.

Then I’d kiss him to that. So hey, if you are getting hitched this weekend, steal a few lines here, ditch the old vows and make that day truly unforgettable by vowing and making promises that are eerily romantic, true and which comes from the depths of your heart not from the Pastor. Happy wedding aye’!

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