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Wildly wondering about life

It feels so good to feel!

I think that the best way to describe it all is that it has been quite a ride. I had such a normal life, then Claire was born. Then she didn’t gain weight, just as we took her out of the hospital “AMA” I got the call that my mom had suffered a huge stroke. Then we moved to AZ, six months later we moved back. Then we learned that something was amiss with Claire. Lots of specialist and testing and we learn she isn’t necessarily going to die soon, she just has Rett Syndrome, such good news, sort of. As Claire stabilized I tried to try to be alive and feel. There were glimpses of life, but much more numbness. Then I was pregnant and somebody drove through the back of our truck. Then Chloe was born. So many highs and lows, yet along the ride I have felt very little of it. The last few months I have really been fighting to to regain myself and not just be the sum of my circumstances. Through all of the progress and set backs I am emerging and it feels so good to feel again! This weekend we will be attending Erika’s Dream. An event that funds Katie’s Clinic for Rett Syndrome. As I prepare myself for this I think of all of the other families that need this. Rett has not only stolen my dreams for Claire, but dreams for many others too. The hard part about feeling is that you can’t just pick the good. But I have to say, it is so much better to feel both the good and the hard than none of it. It truly is what gives my life the depth that it has. It is what allows me to look at this picture and smile, not half, I’m busy and sure that is cute smile. Rather a slow, thankful, awe struck smile.