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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Summer Session Hate

This flyer came out this week. Oxford's getting some company! That's hella gutsy, Westboro. Coming to town on a day when absolutely nothing is going on at the University and at such a high traffic time on a Saturday morning between 8:00am and 8:30am. I suppose it's around the Grove. At that time of day, only that one guy who jogs with a coffee cup and a few squirrels will be out there. Other than that...

But for fun, here's a little deconstruction of the letter. Aside from the grammar-badness, let's take it note for note. 1. The Blind Side wasn't even filmed here. And it was set back in the most non-idolized period in recent Ole Miss football history: The "O" years aka the Fourth and One Era.

Coach O was working on his novel "The Sound and The Fury and The Shirt Ripping" while
in Oxford. That's Faulkner's desk! Is that a photoshop? Gotta be.

2. Our "foolish" youth don't drink Sodom's milk (which I totally will not Google). They drink PBR or bourbon. And not all of their mothers are whorish or fathers faithless. Like most are not.3. Haha..phony southern clergy. Phew dodged that bullet..oh..wait what's that website at top of your flyer? Priestsomething...dang.4. How many raping coaches? I think that's more a Penn State thing. But go on.5. Do we have Whoredom 101 and Anal Copulation 202? Is that an elective? And what major is that? No Law School jokes please.

Naughty school teachers make you stay after class and CONJUGATE VERBS!

6.Oh man that thing in 2005? That we did? Wow. That still a big deal. Whatever it was. If we did it. Which I think we didn't. Not sure. 7. So God hates football but then again can drop-kick us. God may love futbol then. 8. "For rizzle"...is what you wrote. That does it. White crackers who use outdated rap terms are "redneckudiculous". Even Honey Boo Boo knows that.

9. God does not hate the Ole Miss Rebels. Really, He doesn't. Just look at our past Basketball season. That was worthy of a papal miracle investigation. 10. How come God hates Ole Miss Rebels and Football and Obama and America and Everything Else but not Twitter? Because Twitter has some hashtag nasty stuff on it.And finally, you paranoid, spiteful, cretinous pustules to Christianity: your zipcode has 666 in it!!! So, that means....