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Tuesday, 28 February 2012

'Ugh's paralysed and I'm too weak to take advantage.' - Milgos the cursed

A pale and weak Milgos with ring

Ugh lamented his lack
of success in communicating specific orders to his strange looking dog. If only there was a way to speak with
the beast. He went about the city stopping strangers in the street asking them
if perhaps they knew of some magic that could aid in chatting to dogs. Most
folk avoided him, small children mocked him but one man took time from his busy
schedule to assist him. Magnus was a merchant by trade and delayed a
chiropractic appointment to inform the desperate half orc that the magic he
sought may be within the purview of the mad hermit who dwelt in the forbidden
woods to the west. None but the desperate ventured there for it was too
dangerous. Ugh made a mental note to seek the recluse at a later point and instead
sought out his delving companion. He found the dark elf at the martial square watching
on attentively as his hirelings Betty and Beatrice went through their paces.
They had recently acquired their henchmen diplomas and could now call
themselves warriors. With a full roster the fellowship set off for the dungeon.

As they ventured
beneath the earth Berk the forgotten lit up a lantern before fading into the
background. Milgos suggested recruiting the orcs again and so the group made
their way to the orcs lair. The passageways and rooms seemed as they had been
left till they arrived at the kobold’s chamber. There a scene of carnage
appalled them. Kobold parts lay strewn willy nilly as the room now better
resembled an abattoir. Grimly pressing on they followed a trail of bloody
footprints to the orcs barracks. There was no sign of the orcs. A smashed and
looted chest against a wall indicated that they were unlikely to encounter
their orcish allies. Milgos recalled the secret chamber said to be close at
hand and became worried. It seemed Ugh had the same idea and they both rushed
to the north where the treasure was said to lie.

Peering into the room the
pair saw a grey ooze slowly dissolving a number of bodies. The ooze was pelted
with flasks of burning oil, which seemed to have little to no effect. It rolled
after them reaching out with slimy pseudopods but to no avail. The group were
too swift and Milgos was able to pelt the creature to death with magic missiles
from his wand. The dissolved corpses were unrecognisable. Searching the chamber
they quickly located a pivoting wall to the north. Ever suspicious Ugh opened
it from a unique angle. Within the chamber was another ooze. It lay in ambush
against a wall but Ugh, who had long had the ability to think like an ooze, was
alert to it’s sneaky ways. Once again the group led the viscous fluid a merry dance
that ultimately ended with its slow form slain by wand.

Apart from the ooze
the secret chamber contained a number of stone receptacles. Milgos noticed that
they were trapped and ingeniously used water to render the poison gas, contained
within a number of vessels, inert. Sadly the water ruined some scrolls but a magic
ring (dubbed the pooh ring as it had been concealed in honey) and mace were
liberated along with plenty of coin. The ring seemed to call to Milgos and he
put it on thinking it to be a ring of invisibility. It was, kind of.

Further searching
found a door marked with the orcish rune for death. Milgos willed himself
invisible in case trouble lay beyond the door. Beyond the door lay empty crates
and chests. The party set about searching the chamber. After a while Milgos
began to feel weak. It was the ring. It was cursed though the elf would not
believe it. More magic was afoot for when the group opened the door, which had
closed on them while they searched, they determined that they had been the victims
of some sort of teleport. They were in unfamiliar tunnels and their usual modus
operandi of returning to town was blown out of the water. They needed an exit
and fast.

Exploring a tunnel to the
east the group encountered a gelatinous cube that they duly dispatched. Fang II
wolfed down several large chunks of cube as if it was the most delicious thing
in the world. This was odd as the transparent monstrosity is said to have a
paralysing touch. Further exploration led to the discovery of ghouls feasting
on a some unfortunate’s corpse. Janna used her clerical powers to turn the
creatures but not before Ugh had been paralysed by their touch. Betty and
Beatrice finished off the cowering ghouls with a little help from the rapidly
weakening Milgos. With combat over the band waited till Ugh recovered from the
paralysis. It took almost an hour for the burly half orc to do so. Milgos would
have drawn a moustache on his friend while he lay their helpless but he simply
couldn’t muster up the energy. He felt drained and exhausted and he could not
work out why. Milgos was so tired they decided to take the risk of resting in
the dungeon. The group set up camp in the room with the half digested human and
some dismembered ghouls. Hardly the ideal site.

Monday, 27 February 2012

Milgos spent time
recharging his newly acquired wand of magic missiles. Its discovery had him
reconsider his prior tactic of leaping into the middle of combat swinging his
daggers. Yet the visceral thrill of carving up his opposition was irresistible
to the dark elf and he soon found himself purchasing a fine set of matching
short swords. He trawled the markets of the city hunting for bargains and found
a downtrodden peasant called Berk who’d serve as torchbearer (and who would be
completely forgotten by all in the coming conflicts) and a scroll of armour, a
spell that was sure to increase his life expectancy. Ugh on the other hand
purchased as many flasks of oil as seemed practical for he recalled the tale of
ooze that guarded a secret treasure.

Feeling confident the
group returned to the dungeon and found their way back to the chamber from
which they had left off. The kobolds, whom they had rescued last delve, were
lounging about their chamber feasting on the dried remains of dire rat and
oblivious to the parties presence. Ugh marched and kicked the chair out from
under on of the poor creatures. Howling in dismay from the dungeon floor the
kobold looked up at the armoured half orc that towered overhead. Ugh sought
information about the surrounds and learnt that the orcish leader in a nearby
chamber was a brute who liked challenges. “Perhaps,” the kobold suggested “you
could challenge the brute for leadership of the orcs.” Finding the idea
plausible, Ugh accentuated his orc heritage as best he could with the
assistance of the kobolds. He bloodied his weapon, draped himself in rancid rat
furs and plaited bones into his hair. This ruse would later fail, let down by
the half orc’s cultured demeanour and even temperament. Still as the group left
the kobolds, Ugh practised his mean skills; insulting the creatures by deliberately
mistaking them for gnomes. Gnomes are of course a kobolds arch nemesis. The
kobolds were left fuming and conflicted; the heroes had saved them but were
also mean.

The mean heroes
considered their immediate options. To the north purportedly lay the secret
treasure guarded by ooze. A sizzling sound from that direction lent credence to
the kobolds intelligence. Behind the door to the west lay the orcs. Milgos
placed an ear to the door and made out a low muttering from beyond. Perhaps it
was orcish, he couldn’t be sure despite being a fluent speaker of the language.
There they stood undecided for some time before Milgos did what he often does
and that’s make a rash decision. He opened the door and crept into the chamber
sneaking about he determined that the orcs sat at a table concealed by a
curtain. Their chest lay in the room unobserved and undefended. Tempting a
target though it may be Milgos returned to inform his companions.

The party planned an
ambush which was let down by the braying of Fang, Ugh’s hyena. The orcs
wrenched aside the curtain, took in the situation and flipped the table
grabbing their spears and shields and formed a defensive formation. “Come get
us cowards!” screamed Urgosh the largest of the orcs and their nominal leader.

Heated words were exchanged between Ugh and Urgosh till the full blooded orc could stand no more. The creature strode out from behind the shield wall of it's companions ready to duel the half blood till both combatants were stunned into inaction. "STOP THIS MADNESS!" shouted Milgos the dark elf stepping out from the cover from which he had been watching. The dark elf turned to the orc. "Do you know whom I represent? You know my people, you know our ways. You do not want to anger me." The orc gulped and looked about nervously. "Do not waste blood duelling my slave." Milgos gestured to Ugh. "We have bigger enemies to defeat. Follow me and bring you men. We hunt a pair of manticores. You shall share in the spoils." The orc needed little convincing, seemingly cowed by Milgos' impressive act. Urgosh gathered his orcs and the whole band set off.

Returning to the swampland above the group the group found the entrance to the troglodyte caverns. From there they rushed the manticores who were caught unawares, lounging as they were after a big meal near their underground lake. The orcs took advantage of their spears reach skewering the brutes while Milgos battered the creatures with magic missiles and Ugh weighed in with his blade. The brutes managed a few inept volleys of tail spikes, that felled a pair of orcs, before being decapitated by a rampaging Ugh. The orcs were given a number of golden cups from the treasure pile. They celebrated by filling them from the manticores underground lake. Miraculously their wounds healed. The orcs believed they had magic cups. Milgos, aided by the magic of his staff of the apprentice, new the truth; the pool was enchanted with healing magic.

Milgos harnessed his orcish allies high spirits by turning them towards clearing out some nearby mounted troglodyte guards. Again the companions revisited a chamber they had explored before. They planned a pincer like strike on the troglodytes but lost the initiative. Their reptilian foe let out a loud screech as they goaded their huge iguana mounts towards the band. The terrifying noise saw Fang and the orcs flee in terror. Fang couldn't escape however as Ugh held the hyena's chain tightly in his shield hand. Milgos muttered an arcane chant and the troglodytes fell asleep in their saddles. During the melee Ugh was wrapped up by one of the lizards tongues from which he struggled to escape. Jana, fearing for the half orcs life, leapt into the conflict with her mace but was promptly snatched up by another giant lizard who threatened to tear her asunder. Betty and Beautrice carried the day as they put the lizards to the sword. Upon surveying the scene Milgos was left cursing. He had lost his orc allies and these blasted troglodytes didn't even have the courtesy to carry their treasure with them.

The battle resolved the group retreated in good order. Back in town they planned their next move.

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Milgos let out a long
sigh and slumped at the inn’s table. He had been interviewing potential
hirelings all day and none were suitable. Too old, too fat and even those that
had seemed fit enough to hold a torch where too ugly. He was lucky to have
hired on the feisty warrior women Betty and Beatrice when he did. While the
dark elf had been interviewing Ugh had been drinking. He was living the life
now, drinking Bugman’s finest from the top shelf. Beneath his table his ‘dog’
Fang crunched through chicken carcass after chicken carcass. Fang’s gluttony
could be excused as the beast needed the energy for the coming delve. ‘It’s
time to go’ Milgos said as he stood. “It’s just you, your hound and the girls.
Let us hope that will be enough for the trials ahead.”

Hurrying through the
cleared upper caverns the band once more found themselves descending a flight
of stairs. At their base a familiar statue issued it’s customary challenge to
which the group responded with their names and titles. Nothing adverse happened
so they pressed on till they came to a door. Both placed an ear against it and
yet heard nothing. Fang however let out a low growl. Ugh grabbed the handle and
heaved the door open.

Beyond was a wizard’s
laboratory. Along the walls was an assortment of bones. Long benches covered in
candles and apparatus of a magical nature cluttered the place. A man in long crimson
robes stood at a lectern intently studying a tome. Close to the door the group
had flung open reclined a warrior in mail with a sword on his lap. Milgo’s
dropped a globe of darkness on the surprised robbed figure while Ugh and the
hired help savaged the seated warrior. The unfortunate fighter swiftly fell to
their assault. Cursing the darkness the wizard called upon his minions to
strike and lo and behold the bones along the walls assembled themselves into skeleton
warriors. During the conflict Ugh
hurled Fang into the globe of darkness hoping his dog would attack the mage. In
fact he gave strict instructions to the hyena to do this but was ignored as the
hyena could not understand common. Instead it preferred to crush the skulls of
the undead between it’s slavering jaws. Eventually the mage was put down while
trying to flee and there was much rejoicing at the loot won. Milgos used his
staff of the apprentice to identify several valuable magical items.

It was during the
looting that the party decided to split up. After some pranks involving a
wizard locked door’ Milgos got bored and decided to see what lay beyond a door
to the south. It was skeletons wielding spears and an excellent opportunity for
the dark elf to test out his newly acquired wand. At one stage the skeletons
forced the door that Betty and Beatrice were holding, barging into the room
and almost slaying the two ladies. Luck was with Milgos however as his wand
blasted several to pieces. Ugh made a timely return from his own exploration to
finish off the few remaining skeletons. Janna called on her diety to heal the
wounds of the girls before the group pressed on.

Heading further south
the heroes heard high-pitched yelping and squeeking. Around a corner they saw a
group of kobolds trapped on a table as a swarm of giant rats leaped up trying
to bite them. The kobolds pleaded for help and the hero’s obliged. The rat’s
teeth were sharp and their numbers substantial. Ugh and Fang weathered the
furry storm emerging victorious despite suffering from several nasty bites.

The kobolds rewarded
their rescuers with a tale of treasure in a secret chamber to the north but
warned that orcs also laired that way as well as an ooze. The treasure would
have to wait as the band was exhausted and running low on resources. They
retreated in good order back to the surface.

Monday, 6 February 2012

'Milgos dares enter your domain for he is both brave and handsome' - Milgos

A pre-shaken kobold.

Milgos hires on two lovestruck washerwomen named Betty and Beatrice, whom he arms and armours. Clearly they are a fan of his exotic ebony skin. That and the dark elf paid them upfront and threw in a bonus. Back at his room the wizard picked up his spell book and the staff he had been given upon his graduation – the staff of the apprentice. Ughgets a new dog, only it’s a hyena. Janna, the hobbit cleric, agrees to accompany them back into the dungeon.

On the way back down they encounter some under-hobbits who invite them back to their home after their expedition. Ugh knows he was placed under a spell the last time he had dealings with the sly folk but he humours them.

A statue challenges them on their way down a flight of stairs. They proclaim their names – we learn Ugh’s full title. Milgos searches it for some form of secret but it’s not special. Marching down the corridor the group are ambushed by kobolds some of which spring from behind an illusionary wall. Milgos goes beserk and becomes a whirling dervish with twin daggers. The kobolds flee just when the blood crazed dark elf seemed at his most vulnerable, his unarmoured form leaping into the centre of the melee. The kobold leader leads them through a number of rooms hurling the door open each time in his desperation to escape. He is caught and stabbed by Milgos before being shaken to death by the hyena.

The room the kobold fled to had a statue with scythe and beheaded skeleton. Milgos urged Ugh to be cautious but Ugh did not care. He strode into the room and the statue came to whirling trap like life swinging the scythe towards the half orc. Ugh ducked and the statues weapon careened off his shield. They loot the kobolds.

Further exploration discovered the body of a pale elf. Milgos said a prayer for the fallen, because he is good, then immediately looked at the ceiling. Tis as if the dark elf had the soul of an old school adventurer. Indeed something stirred on the ceiling, two giant ticks. The first fell under a reign of steely blows while the second turned to flee it was bitten in twain by Fang, Ugh’s imaginately titled Hyena. Getting back to the good thing, Milgos rebelled against the evil drow society and turned to niceness and good. Thus the prayer for the elf, the dark elves mortal enemy and the lavish coin heaped upon his hirelings.

It’s Rogue Trader’s 25th anniversary. It’s been a decade or two between games. I had the hardcover book back in year 7. It cost $50, which was a lot at the time. I’m guessing I bought it myself but maybe my parents forked over the cash. If they did I am sure they regret it. My dad would cleverly call it Wham Bangers instead of Warhammer but I guess all in all my parents thought the hobby was harmless. Sure it would nix any chance I'd have of getting a date but there were worse things a teenager could be doing.

Iron Bonce the squat merc.

I hate this guy.

I would pour through the books and magazines trying to find the coolest things that would let me win. Vortex grenades, dreadnought suits, high level psionics would all be carefully added to my army list and the points meticulously calculated.

Army wise I really hated Space Marines. I think I did this just to be different. I guess hating the most popular army made me edgey and cool, at least in my own hormone addled mind. I bought blisters of all kinds of models with my paper round money. Orks, Eldar, mercenaries (including the squat with the rotating hand cannon) and old school Tyranids I’d settle on Imperial guard and Orks and take my badly painted armies to the local tournament at Melbourne Uni High. In those hallowed educational halls older folk would slaughter my troops with rorty crap like Harelquin’s hiding in ectoplasmic mist and whole armies comprising of just terminators with cyclone missle launchers.

Who's idea was it to give space marines cover?

Lately I've had a hankering for all things Citadel, 80’s Citadel. So me and a buddy from primary school, who I dragged into this miniature madness, got out Rogue Trader and had a game. Historically I won these battles as I was the only one who bothered to read the rules. As everyone depended on me to play the game I could conveniently forget rules that would disadvantage me. I was also a competitive kid so I’d argue lots if it looked like I was in danger of losing. I was crap to play against but somehow my friends would still rock up and play. I guess the models and the world were compelling enough to put up with my nonsense.

Thinning the herd.

So on Sunday we held a ‘Battle for the farm’ straight from the pages of Rogue Trader. The terrain consisted of boxes. A robot took the place of a damaged generator. My Tyranids were Ork proxies and plastic bags indicated where an orchard lay. Early on the Orks learnt to spread out lest they succumb to plasma missiles. I swore to kill the missile launcher punk as quickly as I could, but alas by the end of the game only two marines were slain and the missile launcher operator was not among them. The one time I got a wound on him his wretched power armour saved.

Deploy on the pizza box.

Heading for cover far too late.

At one point well after the game looked over, the sole remaining ork squad along with Hruk the Ork back up boss, hid out in the orchard only for my buddy to use rules against me! Or cruel reversal of childhood fortunes. Some rule said he could fire at models that were hidden as long as he did so with area effect weapons. And so the ork’s refuge turned into a roiling plasma orchard with the final two survivors making a mad dash for freedom, routing off the board. The Orks were smashed in an embarrassing display. Fortunately the Ork leader had called in reinforcements before he was sniped by the space marine commander. Only two marines would escape the field before an overwhelming amount of orks arrived.

Now I have a difficult decision. Do I being to build a small squad of Rogue Trader era models or do I continue to build my mini chaos warband. Hmm, after looking at those pictures perhaps I should invest in some terrain.