Last night after band practice, I stepped in a pile of dog poo on the way to my car. I got in my car and drove about a mile down the road before the stench hit me. So I pulled over on the side of the road and began searching my car for napkins, but to no avail. I tried using an old receipt to get it off my shoe, but my finger poked through and I got poo all over it.

My guitar player and his annoying pregnant bitch of a wife pulled up beside me and asked me what was wrong. I said "I stepped in dog shit". His wife immediately started snickering and cracking jokes, which pissed me off even more. And of course after seeing his wife laughing and insulting me, my guitar player started giggling as well.

I asked them if they had any napkins and his wife said "Yeah, but only two. And I feel like I might get sick, so I'm keeping them. HAR HAR HAR!". I was getting pretty angry at this point because she kept waving the napkins around in my face.

So when she waved them towards my face again, I snatched them with the hand that had the shit finger. When I did so, I realized my poo finger had touched her wrist. So as I pulled my hand back, I purposely drug that doggy doo doo finger all the way across her hand.

That's when all hell broke loose. My guitar player was like "Dude! She's pregnant!" and his wife started crying. So now they both are dickheads towards me and expect a written apology or something.

Sorry for the long story. Here's the short version:

My guitar player's wife is a bitch. I wiped dog shit on her hand. Now both her and my guitar player hate me.

No seriously, what a bitch, talk to your guitar player man. Also, if he's going " dude, she's pregnant!" when all you've done is wiped dog poo on her hand, that is pretty stupid. Tbh, it must have been frustrating to see her cry when she was finally the one with dog poo on her...

Well obviously he would have been okay with it if she wasn't. Smearing dog poo all over a pregnant woman is likely to piss her off, and that stress could be potentially harmful for the child. If she wasn't pregnant then that problem wouldn't be there, and wiping dog poo on her would be prefectly acceptable.

Its like watching the Animal Planet when a half retarded lion attacks a zebra with diarrhea.

TS and pregnant woman are both guilty of being terrible people. Pregnant woman for just being rude overall, and TS for letting the rudeness give him some false impression that he's allowed to be just as big of a dick as her.

I walk the line between fantasy and reality. One is more fun, the other is where the food is.

Well obviously he would have been okay with it if she wasn't. Smearing dog poo all over a pregnant woman is likely to piss her off, and that stress could be potentially harmful for the child. If she wasn't pregnant then that problem wouldn't be there, and wiping dog poo on her would be prefectly acceptable.

Actually no, it's because the parasites in animal faeces can transfer to pregnant humans and cause miscarriage or stillbirth.

Way to go, TS, you dickhead. If her baby is dead now then it's probably your fault for smearing faecal parasites all over a pregnant woman.