Walking DD (Yr 3) home from school today, we almost caught up with a boy in her class who lives further along the road from us and his mum. His mum was walking just ahead of him. As some cars drove past us, the boy gave each one a very rude hand gesture as well as sticking his fingers up at them. He then proceeded to do these gestures towards his mum (behind her back), when she turned round, he quickly dropped his hands, which suggested to me that he knew they were rude.

Fortunately, DD is away with the fairies, either that or smart enough to know not to copy and didn't take any notice.

I was too shocked to say anything at the time but was wondering if I should say something to the boy's mum tomorrow? I don't know her very well but she seems very nice. Or should I say something to their teacher? Or should I just keep quiet (why do these things always happen to me). OH says this sort of behaviour should be "nipped in the bud" and I should say something to the boy's mum.

Walking DD (Yr 3) home from school today, we almost caught up with a boy in her class who lives further along the road from us and his mum. His mum was walking just ahead of him. As some cars drove past us, the boy gave each one a very rude hand gesture as well as sticking his fingers up at them. He then proceeded to do these gestures towards his mum (behind her back), when she turned round, he quickly dropped his hands, which suggested to me that he knew they were rude.

Fortunately, DD is away with the fairies, either that or smart enough to know not to copy and didn't take any notice.

I was too shocked to say anything at the time but was wondering if I should say something to the boy's mum tomorrow? I don't know her very well but she seems very nice. Or should I say something to their teacher? Or should I just keep quiet (why do these things always happen to me). OH says this sort of behaviour should be "nipped in the bud" and I should say something to the boy's mum.

What would you do????

ThanksPlum

Hi there.
I think I would have to have a word with her about it. I'd start very gently by saying hello etc and saying that I had something delicate to discuss that I, as a parent, would want to know about if it were my child. I might even miss out the bit about having seen him do it to her. It's enough to cope with that he has done it to the passing cars.

I'm not sure. Tread carefully. Personally I would not do anything. I'd tell her if I saw him doing something criminal or dangerous to himself or others, but rude as it is it does not fall into this category.

It's not the best first encounter for a friendship between you and the mum or your daughter and the son! He's probably just out to shock, a passing phase, and he'll by trying something different next week if that gets no reaction.

If he stopped it when she turned round that's pretty impressive as he's not trying to shock her - maybe trying to impress you and your daughter?!!

I must be very immature as the idea of this little procession down the road makes me snigger a bit. Sorry!!

How about mentioning to the class teacher or teaching assistant that you have seen "a child" making inappropriate gestures at cars on the way home from school - I'm sure it is something they could cover tactfully in a PHSE lesson. There would then be no need to approach the mother and the boy is not singled out.

I wouldn't mention it. No actual harm done, and however good your intention, you will still be not just the messenger merely meaning well, but the one who gets shot! People can turn very funny if reprimanded, however much you may be trying to save the situation from escalating. But she will feel humiliated and put in her place and she will not like you for it, and resentment can linger when embarrassed. Children (girls and boys) can be pretty silly sometimes so I'd just forget it if I were you. Let someone else do the dirty work!

I agree with Milla, if your DD didn't see it then at least you don't have to discuss it with her as well, which is another difficult one. Maybe we take these things a bit too seriously, and should just laugh about it quietly. Not like he was shoplifting or bullying anyone. I have a more difficult one - at toddlers this morning there was a Dad (how unusual is that, poor man) who was being really negative with his 2 year old daughter. 'No, you can't paint, you're useless at it. Don't go on the slide, you're so clumsy you'll hurt someone'. It nearly killed me to listen to it. I'm afraid I ignored it, but what else would everyone else have done?

Could you start chatting to him & then make a point of talking to your DC in a more positive way that he could copy if he wanted to?
Or 'place' your DC near to his so you can talk to them both without it seeming like you are interferring.

If he doesn't realise what he is doing then hearing a better way might be enough.

If it continues & you think it is bad enough to be causing the child harm (or could be a symptom of worse) then I would contact the Health Visitor in the first instance. Maybe they could 'pop in' to the group & witness for themselves?

It could be a sign of stress on his part & the Health Visitor might be able to get support agencies involved.

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