Derrick Russell

ROYAL BABY?

by Derrick Russell,posted Jul 22 2013 10:19AM

At some point today, a little baby will be born across the pond. Well something like 2,000 babies are born every day in England but whatever. Today a special baby will be born. The Future King or Queen of England. So unlike those other thousands of babies, which I'm sure are all super nice babies, this particular baby will be known throughout the world.

And when I mean the world, I mean the world. #royalbaby is trending in every major country on the planet... It is the top topic right here in the USA, which has historically denied royalty, which is why we have a guy named Obama as President and not George Washington the 44th. So as soon as I'm done with this blog I will not be getting on the internet anymore today because I've already read more in the past 20 minutes about the Royal Baby than I could want to know.

But I'm not knocking the excitement even if I'm not joining in. I get it. Kings and Queens are one of the last vestiges we have of by gone times. It is a step away from Knights of the Round Table and Dragons and Monty Python jokes about coconuts. In fact I'm guessing the Royal Baby would be the best gig in the world. An entire country immediately pronounces you adorable (even if it isn't... but with those parents it'll probably be a good lookin' baby) And you get to spend your whole life doing whatever you want as long as you look Regal doing it. The only skill you truly have to master is the gentle wave:

"Gentle Wave Champion - 1953 to present"

In fact, you probably don't even have to wave that much. The Royal Baby will be third in line to the throne. The queen does most of the waving and even though she is roughly a thousand years old she looks more spry than I do. Prince Charles comes after that, then Mr. Royal Baby's father Prince William... And if they inherited the Queens ability for longevity then the Royal Baby will take the throne just after sun implodes. (Thankfully the Queen didn't marry Larry King, because I'm pretty sure that would be the secret to immortality).

But I hope you’re awesome future Royal Baby. I forgive you in advance for taking over the internet the next few weeks. Make it up to me by going to a Country Music Concert sometime.