“Cashmere Mafia” Recaps: Episode 1.5 “Stay With Me”

Previously on — Mia started dating an Asian brain surgeon, to thedouble happiness of Chinese mothers everywhere. Zoe continued to defend hercorner office from invasion by Katherine and her marauding C cups, which was nowherenear as fun as it sounds. Juliet finally told Davis to take their marriage and shove it. Toobad her smoky, wavering, patrician delivery lacked the knee-to-ball impact Iwas so looking forward to. And lastly, Caitlin went to a lesbian wedding showerwith Alicia and oops, accidentally gave her phone number to the first penis sheran into — literally.

Regarding the debateabout Caitlin’s line being “making out,” “hanging out” or “wakingup” with Alicia, it seems there was a critical deletedscene showing Caitlin and Alicia waking up in bed together. Thanks toWindRyder X and Broadway Baby for that. If we had seen that scene, there wouldhave never been a question.

Pencil me in — Zoe and Eric are lazing around in their bed, sharingquality time and exchanging morning breath. Yes, that’s the bedroom scene we needed. Thanks once again, ABC.

Their son calls out fromthe other room, “Mommy, Mommy!” because there’s a caterer in thehouse. By all means, little boy, let the strangers in.

Eric, always the last toknow anything his wife is up to, learns they’re having a party later that night.Zoe went to a school auction a million years ago and ended up winning a chef. Tonightis the night of the $1,000 dinner. It’s all for the kids.

Zoe, always the last toremember anything not having to do with work, is reminded by Eric that Thursdayis her 10th wedding anniversary. They both consult their respectivecrackberries to find five minutes to celebrate. Maven of Money and Mergers thatshe is, Zoe’s calendar is full through 2020. This is a woman who probably scheduledthe birth of her children around her conference calls. What to do?

Kids today — Since she has no one to cuddle with since Davis started forwardinghis mail to the nearest five-star hotel, Juliet’s already hard at work, pouringher heart and soul into her career.

Speaking of the cheater,liar and future joint-checking-account-raider, Davis walks into her office, still smug andmanipulative as all get out.

Juliet: How are you?Davis: Well, I’m living in a hotel, and I amlonely and I’m homesick and I’m still trying to understand how this punishmentfits the crime?

Let’s review. He’s hadhis Cheaters Club card punched so many times, he’s qualified for one free latte;he used large chunks of her money to cover his business failings; and self-servinglies roll out of his mouth like gumballs. And for all that, he’s been banishedto the Ritz-Carlton.I, too, am trying to understand how this punishment fits the crimes.

Then, natch, Davis throws the old girla bone because he knows most straight women are always just a wee bit starvedfor a compliment from a man.

Davis: You look great, by the way.Juliet: Well, I don’t feel great, ifthat’s any consolation.

Juliet does look great,in fact, having recently lost 185 pounds of dead weight. Why she feelscompelled to cheer the bastard up is a mystery. And so very, very Juliet.