When his girlfriend cuddled up one night and began to initiate love-making, the truth was Tom Stevenson wasn't really in the mood.

He was tired and would have preferred an early night. Reluctant to disappoint, though, Tom accepted her advances and hoped her passion would ignite his flagging desire.

He quickly realised it wasn't working, but rather than tell her he wanted to stop, he chose a more extreme course of action.

'I faked an orgasm,' Tom, an account executive from London, admits. 'I have quite a high sex drive, so am usually in the mood - but this time I was knackered.

'It was the first time I'd ever faked it and it felt like a strange thing to do, but it was the only way I could think to bring things to an end without hurting her feelings.'

Who can forget the famous scene in the film When Harry Met Sally when Sally brings a cafe to a standstill as she pretends to have an orgasm to prove that men can't tell the difference between true ecstasy and phony passion?

Significantly, you don't see Harry following suit, perhaps because while the concept of women faking is a common one, until now it's always been assumed that men never feign orgasm.

However, a new book by a Harvard urology professor suggests that increasing numbers of men are - like Tom - faking it.

Dr Abraham Morgentaler's findings are backed up by a recent study from the University of Kansas in which a quarter of men admitted faking orgasms.

Meanwhile, men's website Askmen.com's 2012 survey of 2,000 men found that 34 per cent admitted faking it, up from 17 per cent in 2010.

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Shattering the myth that men never simulate a climax, Dr Morgentaler's book Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men And Sex - which draws on his 25 years of experience treating men's sexual problems - reveals some other surprising truths.

Dr Morgentaler claims men aren't always 'up for it', as is commonly assumed; but often feel compelled to perform. 'Believe it or not, sometimes it is the man who declines an invitation for sex,' he says.

Tom agrees it's taboo for men to admit when they aren't in the mood for intimacy.

'Once we'd started making love, I worried that she'd take it personally and be upset'

'While it's OK for a woman to say she's too tired to make love, or has a headache - in fact it's so common there are jokes about it - it's not acceptable for men,' he says.

'The image is that men are always up for sex, which makes you feel under pressure to perform even when you don't want to.'

Secondly, men aren't selfish lovers concerned only with their own pleasure - as is so often depicted in films and books. According to Dr Morgentaler, they are, in fact, often more concerned with wanting to please their partners than themselves - and that's a key reason why men pretend to climax.

'Men's website Askmen.com's 2012 survey of 2,000 men found that 34 per cent admitted faking it, up from 17 per cent in 2010'

By contrast, research suggests, women tend to fake orgasms to stop partners straying. One U.S. study, for example, found that 'women who perceived a higher risk of partner infidelity were more likely to report pretending orgasm'.

Dr Morgentaler says: 'Most men who fake it do so because they want their partners to feel good about the encounter. In their minds, it's actually a form of kindness. In a way, they're letting the other person know that they've done a good job.'

This is certainly something Tom, 25, can identify with. Of the time he faked it with a former girlfriend, he says: 'Once we'd started making love, I worried that she'd take it personally and be upset if I said I wanted to stop.

'The only way I could see to resolve the situation was to fake an orgasm. It worked. She felt happy, and I got to go to sleep quicker.'

Businessman Paul McCarthy, 49, from South London, says he, too, has faked it in the past - though he says it's not something he's done in his current relationship of a year.

'It happened five or six times with one particular partner,' he reveals. 'I would get tired, or be finding it uncomfortable, and while she would already have reached orgasm, she would be desperate for me to have an amazing time, too.

Paul McCarthy has faked it in the past - but says he hasn't in his current relationship of a year

'So to please her, and to bring things to an end, I would fake an orgasm. She was none the wiser and would be left feeling good about herself, while I'd be secretly relieved it was all over.'

Paul adds: 'There are a lot of taboos around men and sex. We're expected to always want sex, so we're not used to explaining if we don't want to do something. We worry that women will think less of us.'

There is, of course, one rather delicate question that needs answering: just how do men fake an orgasm?

Given the very obvious result when a man climaxes, surely it's impossible to disguise if he doesn't ejaculate?

In his case, Tom says that as he was using a condom, it wasn't difficult to hide the truth. But even in unprotected sex, it seems, most women don't notice so long as the man makes a sufficiently convincing display of passion.

Feedback from Dr Morgentaler's patients suggests that in the heat of the moment they are too caught up in their own pleasure and produce enough natural secretions of their own to realise anything is amiss.

'It happened five or six times with one particular partner'

That women are less observant than they
may think is backed up by Paul, who says that in the past he has
sometimes climaxed without ejaculating during sex - a condition called
'retrograde ejaculation' that is different to faking it and affects
some men. Even though he wasn't wearing a condom, his girlfriend didn't
notice, he says.

The expectation that men are always in the mood for intimacy, and are also capable of providing endless explosive sexual experiences, is another reason why men may increasingly want to feign climax.

Explaining the high numbers of men, as well as women, faking orgasm, the University of Kansas study stated: 'The emphasis on men's ability to give their partners 'earth-shaking orgasms' sometimes leads both women and men to pretend orgasm to meet these expectations.'

Experts believe one explanation may be an increased prevalence of porn that gives men a false impression of what sex should be like.

More than 45 per cent of British men admit they have viewed internet pornography, and that figure rises to more than 70 per cent for those aged between 18 and 34.

Dr Morgentaler says that 'being sexually successful is critical to feeling OK about one's masculinity'. But with its portrayal of well-endowed, sexually rapacious men, 'pornography does nothing to teach a man about what sex is supposed to be like'.

Relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr, author of Sex Academy, adds: 'Many men feel the pressure to live up to porn star images of exciting, mind-blowing orgasms. They feel it's expected of them - but the women I speak to certainly don't expect their men to behave like a porn star.

'Yes, they want an attentive lover, but they certainly don't want one who's faking pleasure.

'Unfortunately for modern relationships, there seems to be a wealth of information about sex - but often the wrong information, coming from pornography setting up unrealistic expectations.'

Others attribute a rise in the numbers taking antidepressants as a contributing factor to faking orgasm. Some antidepressants make it harder for a man to climax, and therefore more likely to want to fake it.

According to Dr Morgentaler, however, at the heart of the matter is an ongoing power shift between men and women in the wider world that has led to role reversal in the bedroom, and a masculinity crisis for a generation of men.

'To please her, and to bring things to an end, I would fake an orgasm. She was none the wiser and would be left feeling good about herself, while I'd be secretly relieved it was all over'

With increasing numbers of women becoming the main breadwinners - that's now the reality in around one-third of households in the UK - he argues that there are fewer opportunities for men to feel like providers.

'It is difficult for a man to figure out what he brings to the party for the modern woman who appears to have everything: career, money, independence, friends,' says Dr Morgentaler.

This increases the burden on men to feel that they should be outstanding lovers - the sexual providers. But the pressure is counter-productive, resulting in increasing numbers of men suffering sexual problems.

One study, for example, found that men out-earned by their partners were more likely to take medication for erectile dysfunction.

Faking orgasm is either a necessity because they physically can't climax, or another manifestation of their general insecurity about their changing role.

Sex is becoming less about a man's own pleasure: the focus has shifted onto ensuring his partner feels good about the experience.

And it's not just men's attitudes that are changing. Women have become more 'masculine' in their approach to careers and relationships, and more demanding in the bedroom.

In her book The Richer Sex, Liza Mundy argues that women's professional success has 'unleashed' them sexually, saying: 'Women are becoming the gender that wants sex more than men do.'

'Women are becoming the gender that wants sex more than men do'

She predicts that as more and more women become the ones with the financial clout in relationships, the responsibility for being sexually alluring is passing from women to men.

'Women are responding to their wealth and independence by getting pickier about the appearance of the men they have sex with,' she says.

'The old wealth-beauty trade-off may be reversing. Increasingly, men may be the ones offering beauty - and sexual service - in return for the economic security that women offer.

'Just as women are said to do, men in some cases withhold sex, strategically, as a way of exerting what power they feel they still have.'

She also believes that men are less interested in sex with partners who out-earn them because the imbalance makes them feel inferior.

Dr Morgentaler adds that the idea of a man being rejected because he can't provide sexually turns accepted conventions upside down.

'It wasn't that long ago, the 1950s or so, that we saw this term about women doing their “wifely duty”,' he says.

'It was assumed women didn't enjoy sex, but they had to submit to it for the benefit of the marital relationship.'

Now, as women increasingly call the shots in the bedroom, men feel more compelled to please them at a cost to their own sexual satisfaction - something past generations of women felt obliged to do.But is faking it ultimately bad for a relationship?