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Jeans

12-12-2011 10:13 AM

New on here

Hello

I just wanted to introduce myself. My nickname is Jeans, I'm 29, female and struggling to be "normal"

I'm not sure if I should be on this forum or not as I don't drink everyday and don't crave alcohol everyday.

I have been drinking heavily since I was 13, the only time I was alcohol free was when I was 20 and I gave up for a year but it didn't count because I substituted it with drugs. Just recently I've been drinking secretly, my partner works away and as soon as he goes I open the wine or cidar and get leathered on my own. Then the next day I feel terrible and vow I'll never do it again and spend the day being sick. When I've had one drink I have to keep going until it's all gone, if I go to the pub I'm always looking for a lock in or a club or a shop where I can buy more.

The problem with me is that I am very shy without alcohol and I've never learnt to build my confidence, I'm hoping I can learn from other people on this site. If anyone is similar to me then please please say hi or tell me your story.

Anyway, that was quite a lot so I hope I haven't bored you. Thank you so much for reading xx

soberkellyxo

12-12-2011 10:42 AM

Hi, I am quite similar to you especially with the shy thing..

There's loads of posts on the forum and stuff, really helpful and supportive :) so hi! x

1undone

12-12-2011 10:45 AM

Well, hello there!

Welcome! :)

Why are you hiding the drinking from your partner? Just curious. Hiding the drink is one sign that maybe you have a problem. Have you looked around the site for other information that can help you answer your questions?

For me the drinking issue became very clear when I was blacking out and hiding the alcohol from my husband. It was also clear when I couldn't stop at just a couple anymore. I had to drink the whole bottle or whatever until it was gone reglardless of whatever state of mind I was entering.

Again welcome. I'm sure you will be very enlightened here! :)

soberjim

12-12-2011 10:49 AM

Hi Jeans....Welcome!

RV GTO

12-12-2011 10:54 AM

Hi Jeans, welcome to SR :)

I can completely relate to the shy thing - I think thats how my drinking began; courage in a bottle. Unfortunately, over time, that turned into an addiction to alcohol.

You're in the right place. :)

Fenris

12-12-2011 11:28 AM

Hi Jeans. Welcome to the forum. There are usually two surefire signs that a person has a problem with alcohol (according to the Big Book): either they try to quit and are unable to; and/or they start drinking and find that they aren't able to stop. Hiding booze is usually a red flag too. In my opinion, it's not really that important whether or not you label yourself as an "alcoholic" or "problem drinker" or whatever; if you feel that you need help and support, this is a good place to find it. Keep coming back.

--Fenris.

Dee74

12-12-2011 11:55 AM

Hi Jeans

There's many different types of drinkers here, and drug users too - our common bond is we have a problem we want to fix...

I think drinking secretly and never being satisfied with how much you're drinking are certainly characteristics I recognise. I think you fit in here - you'll find a lot of support and understanding :)

Welcome!
D

Jeans

12-12-2011 11:58 AM

Wow this is really good feedback I didn't expect so many replies, thank you all of you.

1undone I hide and lie about my drinking because I know my boyfriend will be disapointed if I drink on my own, he already hates the amount I drink and he doesn't know the half of it. I can go a few days without any drink then I get the cravings, I have all intentions of having just the one and then it leads to an all night session and usually back at someones house that I wouldn't usually associate with if sober.

Because my BF works away during the week I can usually have two nights drinking without telling him and I feel terrible for keeping it from him. Sometimes I just tell him I've had a few but normally i'm absolutely wasted and acting like an idiot.

Again, thanks for reading xx

instant

12-12-2011 12:00 PM

I am learning we have to live the solution, but it takes time and effort

sissy07

12-12-2011 12:06 PM

Welcome Jeans!

I started off the same way you did. Quit now - this is progressive and the ice will melt beneath your feet before you know it!

It may be difficult to stop right now, but this is progressive and will only get more difficult to stop as time goes on. Keep reading this forum - you will find understanding, wisdom and love. Congratulations for taking the first step! :) Stay strong.

hypochondriac

12-12-2011 12:19 PM

Hi Jeans, welcome. I definitely started drinking because of shyness but eventually the negatives outweigh the positives and that's when it's time to stop. I'm no longer shy but the thing that changed me was my work not the drink. I also hid my drinking from a partner that I was in a relationship with, it was long distance and I live alone so it was easy to hide, but I felt like a failure for doing it. I hope you find the help you need x

collegegirl

12-12-2011 01:04 PM

Welcome Jeans.

I am very shy, and alcohol always helped me open up to people. It helped me open up too much. I can't tell you how many idiodic things I've said when drunk. I've hurt peoples feelings and embarassed myself. It's ok to be shy, people will like you more if you are genuine.

Jeans

12-12-2011 03:04 PM

Very kind words from all of you. Thank you very much, I'm definately going to stay on this site. xx

DayTrader

12-12-2011 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeans
(Post 3203181)

I'm not sure if I should be on this forum or not as I don't drink everyday and don't crave alcohol everyday.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeans
(Post 3203283)

I can go a few days without any drink then I get the cravings,

Although some use the term "craving" to describe a desire to start drinking......it's not what those of us in AA are referring to when we use it. When talking about the desire to get some booze, you'll hear most of us AA'rs use the term "mental obsession." .....and in my drinking history, i didn't obsess over drinking all that much.....certainly not every day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeans
(Post 3203283)

I have all intentions of having just the one and then it leads to an all night session and usually back at someones house that I wouldn't usually associate with if sober.

Now that, my dear, is what we mean when we say "craving." The inability to control the amount once you START drinking. Some folks are able to control the amount but for an alcoholic, once they start, it's as if they're not going to stop until the craving for more is satisfied. ....and for me, that was the norm more often than not. I "over-drank" what I intended to drink regularly.

CrispyFran

12-12-2011 03:23 PM

Jeans,

I am new today, too. I get the drinking-to-be-social thing. Some of this drinking you're doing is alone, too. How do you feel when you drink alone? Or do you make calls and email during that time? I think we often put too much pressure on our social performance...its okay to be quiet, its okay to be shy, its okay to take some time to get comfortable with others...keep telling yourself that being shy or quiet is okay. It isn't a problem to be fixed by drinking, its just a character trait. Quiet people can be great listeners and are often thought of as mysterious and thoughtful. People probably find you interesting just as you are, sober.

Jeans

12-12-2011 04:24 PM

I still can't figure out if i'm an alcoholic, i know there's a problem which needs sorting before it's too late. When I don't crave alcohol it's usually cos i'm hungover from my last binge, I always thought "alcoholics" used alcohol to get over there hangovers where as I can't face it. I'm so confused.

When I drink alone I usually search the internet, play games and watch TV then get upset for one reason or another. I wait until my BF has left for work then run to the shop and buy a bottle of wine. Also most people would say a bottle of wine isn't enough for someone to have a problem but I am wasted after half a bottle and after a full bottle I wake up not remembering everything and I am usually sick a few times the next day. I used to be able to drink much more every single day for years and never had one hangover.

After reading all of the threads and going in the chat I have come to the decision that I need to tell my BF what i'm doing when he's not there, as scary as it is. Also I'm scared of not drinking again, I have such a good time when I'm drunk (until I make a fool of myself) but everyone is making a fool out of themselves, it seems that all my friends drink way too much.

Sorry for the essay but I've found this forum so much help in just a few hours. x

Anna

12-12-2011 04:46 PM

How you deal with a hangover, doesn't determine whether or not you are an alcoholic.

What happens to you when you drink? Do you change, do you lie, do you hide things, do you behave in ways you wouldn't normally behave? Do you forget what happened? That's how you decide if you're an alcoholic.

I am glad that you found us and are searching for information. We have a lot of support to offer if you decide to stop drinking. :)

soberjim

12-12-2011 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anna
(Post 3203571)

How you deal with a hangover, doesn't determine whether or not you are an alcoholic.

What happens to you when you drink? Do you change, do you lie, do you hide things, do you behave in ways you wouldn't normally behave? Do you forget what happened? That's how you decide if you're an alcoholic.

I am glad that you found us and are searching for information. We have a lot of support to offer if you decide to stop drinking. :)

That is the issue. I stuggled with that myself. Somedays I would wake up without a hangover and think " I don't have a problem". But I have come to realize it really is about how you behave after that first drink. Someone wrote in previous posts " you take the first drink and the first drink takes you". For me, that is very real, very true.

Jim

sugarbear1

12-12-2011 06:27 PM

"Not drinking every day" and "not craving every day" are what is known as "Not Yets." Our disease is progressive. We are self-centered people and "shyness" is being self-centered in the extreme.

I wish you well on staying stopped!

EmeraldRose

12-12-2011 06:28 PM

Welcome Jeans.
You don't need to figure out if you're an alcoholic...first you need to realize you are having a problem with the booze. You don't have to be an alcoholic to feel as though booze has left you unmanagable. But typically, that's a good indication.
I knew I had a problem long before I came to the thought of ever being an alcoholic. For some just the word alcoholic is scary and no one wants to admit to that.
If you have to hide the drinking and feel you are drinking too much then you may want to re-elvaluate your relationship with it. One step at a time...one day at a time...

Fenris

12-13-2011 06:59 AM

Like Sugarbear said: the "not yets". I used to think that alcoholics were homeless, jobless, alone living under a bridge, drinking cheap wine out of a paper bag. I thought, "That's not me." I thought alcoholics were people who had lost jobs, lost homes, lost family and friends, drank every day, went to jail, drove drunk, drank in the morning, drank after work, before work, instead of work...and I thought, "That's not me." I should have added, "not yet" to all of those. Over the years, as my disease got progressively worse, I could put a check mark beside most of the things above. You don't have to wait until you hit bottom to stop drinking. I meet people every day who were much worse off than I was, and also people who hadn't gone as far down the scale. I still find similarities in each of their stories and my own. Look for the similarities and not the differences.

--Fenris.

InsertNameHere

12-13-2011 07:11 AM

I hear you on the shyness and on the not thinking I had a problem and deffinetly ditto what has been said on this forum. I started out as a weekend social drinker and ended up as a locked in my room everynight getting hammered. I'm new here as well so I don't have a whole lot of room to talk, but I just wanted to say I agree with the "not yet" concept. My drinking hasn't caused any major problems in my life "yet", and for the longest time I didn't think I had a problem either. A few years and a lot more to drink later and I realize that I do. I hope that helps, I know this site has helped me out, so I figured I should start returning the favor.

INH

Jeans

12-13-2011 11:38 AM

I'm glad eveyone is so understanding on this forum, I was worried about joining and didn't know what to expect. Coming on here is a big step, now just need to stop drinking, and maybe even come clean to my BF that I've been drinking in private. Thanks everybody, if anyone wishes to discuss any similar problems please PM me.