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8.11.2015

Broke Rick Perry Now Firmly Believes Money Should Be Taken Out of Politics

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Texas Governor Rick Perry announced all of his paid campaign staff were going to be considered volunteers for the foreseeable future due to a severe lack of money. Perry said he did not think it was a bad sign for his presidential bid, and adopted the brand new position that money should have no place in politics.

"We may lose some people on my campaign, because they have to live and eat and such, but this situation brings up an important issue I have just learned to care about. There is too much darn money in this president election thing," said Perry, who appeared as though he may cry.

Perry added, "I now firmly believe that money should be taken out of politics so 'the little guys' like me can compete with far more popular candidates who have better list-remembering skills, don't have to ride on public transportation, and properly manage money."

Donald Trump attacked Perry immediately and said, "He has to force his loser campaign staff to be volunteers so they can work for a broke loser who will never be president. He'll have like five of the loserest ones left working for him by tomorrow."

Bernie Sanders stated he was "happy to see Perry has come around," but former President George W. Bush has offered to loan Perry "a few million buckaroos" if Perry took off "those stupid nerd glasses."