An aspiring writer dealing with life and chronic illness

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The Kitty Kibble Is Not Good Enough for His Majesty

My husband and I have been really busy and we forgot to buy wet cat food. They usually get kibble in the morning and wet food for dinner. I had to feed them kibble for dinner since we ran out, and Pumpkin didn’t want to eat it because he’s a diva XD If you own a cat, you know this is true.

I am leaving for my sister’s wedding tomorrow, and it is on the other side of the country. My mom said she would be interested in reading my stories, but they’re kind of depressing XD I should probably warn her before she reads it, if she does. I actually don’t really care if my family reads my stories. I don’t want to force anyone to read my stuff, so I’ll just give it to her, and she can read it or not. I neglected to tell her about the abuse story I am writing next for obvious reasons :$ I don’t want to hurt my mom. . .

In the beginning when I first started writing fanfiction, she read through it for me. She told me something that stayed with me. I merged my personality and characteristics with Cloud, and I hurt him in my story, so I was punishing myself in a way. My mom told me it was sad that I felt the need to hate myself, which is kind of ironic given some of the things she has said. To be honest, I didn’t even realize I was doing that, self-punishment by proxy I suppose I guess the weirder thing is that I see myself as being very similar to Cloud, a tortured soul, while my friends think of me as a friendly, optimistic, and upbeat person. I guess I’m a bit of both. I might write a post on that someday. The fact that our perceptions of ourselves are often different than what other people see.

11 thoughts on “The Kitty Kibble Is Not Good Enough for His Majesty”

You know, my mother’s parents were horribly abusive to her, and she only told me much later in life. Some of it I just found out within the past 3 years. I felt awful for my mom 😦 I felt even worse that she felt she needed to keep it in for so long. I definitely think it had a huge impact on her. It helps me understand the way that she is because she’s been emotionally abusive since I was young. It doesn’t excuse it, but it helps me to know 🙂

That’s a very interesting point you bring up about not seeing ourselves the same way as others see us- it’s like having all the good qualities taped onto our BACKS so we aren’t able to see them but others are… And then we feel unworthy because we can see everyone else’s but not our own. Who knows, some people might have even been able to find the paper on their back and get a look at it for themselves! I dunno, I just think it’s pretty interesting how different perspectives are when you really think about it 🙂

That’s a really great analogy! They actually had a commercial for Dove, and they asked people to describe themselves to a sketch artist. The resulting pictures were often less attractive than reality. Then these women met up with each other, and the other person was asked to describe them to a sketch artist, and the resulting pictures were more attractive than reality. As humans I guess many of us focus on our flaws instead of positive attributes. My husband is Japanese, and they are taught to be humble. I might tell my husband, “Oh I was at ___ and some stranger asked me if I was a model.” He’ll reply, “Don’t tell that to other people, you sound conceited.” I wasn’t the one saying it. . . lol. I definitely think some people are better at understanding their positive attributes. I have been working on that because I’ve had several people try to take me down, and then I have to deal with my own self-hatred. There’s a part of me that is fighting back now 🙂

You are so nice to your mom. When I have problems with people, family members or not, I leave them behind. I don’t want to deal with it. I’m over with it. It’s great your sister’s getting married! Congrats! 😀

Oh, and my dog is just like that! Her Majesty must have one treat, broken up precisely into mini pieces, scattered randomly on top of her food but not mixed in 😛 And also, one belly rub before bedtime, and one additional treat before bedtime, but not the meat roll kind because they make her poop. They must be milkbone. AUTHENTIC MILKBONE. She can tell 😉

Lol! Your puppy is competing with my cat for the diva of the year award X3 Pets can be so funny ^^

My mom is being really nice this trip. *sigh* I hope I can get to a point where I am okay with who she is, and not take her critical statements personally. I don’t want to be super close to her again because I can’t trust her. But ignoring her completely would be hurtful to her.

Well, when I started writing fanfiction 5 years ago my mom was my beta reader. My writing was so bad XD I remember her saying something like, there’s something off with this, but I don’t know what. . . It wasn’t just one thing, it was many. My sister read through it too, lol. They haven’t read my writing since then.

Actually when I was in high school I wrote the worst purple prose :$ I had my mom proof read my stories and essays. I remember one time I gave it to her, and she asked me if she needed to read it in the bathroom because the last one made her laugh so much she had an accident. I told her maybe. . . So she reads it in the bathroom and I hear her laughing so hard XD It’s actually a fond memory. My mom is really honest though, which is a good quality. I would probably laugh if I read it too :$