Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Peering At The Backside Of The Moon

I kept my mouth shut for a reason. I figured, if I never, ever discuss that fact that WonderBaby is both sleeping through the night and napping every afternoon, in her crib, I will never have to answer to the gods for impertinence. I figured, if I never speak of it, I will never tempt them to relieve me of this great gift.

So I never spoke of it. After months and months and months of kvetching about WonderBaby's wakefulness, I simply went silent. On the day that she finally started napping - April 2, 2007 - after a seven-month nap strike, I went silent. I swore that I would not speak, nor write, about her sleep. The gods are impetuous, and fickle, and they would, I knew, take me from the gift of sleep as quickly as they had given it.

But the temptation became too strong. My secret was too sweet - she sleeps. She sleeps! I began to whisper it: she sleeps. Hand cupped to mouth, eyes raised heavenward, hoping that the gods be distracted by demi-gods taking their women or mortals stealing fire: she sleeps.

And then I began to gain confidence. Surely it was I who had brought about the sleep; surely it was my commitment to schedules and rituals and my persistence in trying, always trying, to bring about the precious sleep that had won me this victory. Surely this was my accomplishment, mine alone. Surely I could sing my own praises. Surely I could say it out loud: I have won her sleep!

I forgot the gods. I sang openly of my accomplishment. I waxed philosophic and pragmatic and prudential. I speculated upon technique. I regarded the nap and the easy bedtime as works of art, crafted by my own will. I displayed them proudly, and announced them to anyone who drew near. These were mine, I said. I made these.

Sleep has flown, been snatched away, is gone. The naps are sporadic, bedtime is a battle, our nights and days have become long, too long, far too long to bear. The wax that has held the harmony of my days has melted, and I am falling, have fallen, into the sea. Is this the gods' vengeance, or did I simply reach too high, too far, too soon?

If only it were always this easy. If only.

I am peering at the backside of the moon.* It is dark, and it is pockmarked, and I would give anything to feel the sun again.

(*Undying respect and big geek high-five to whomever can tell me the source of this line.)

57 Comments:

The sleep gods (they are definitely NOT goddesses) and I are not really seeing eye to eye right now. They have been depriving me of my nights as of late, and my husband seems to be inkahootz with them.Bat Rastards.

I want to go in a corner, rock back and forth and cry now. You are supossed to say there is a light at the end of the 12 month tunnel (Oct. 12!!!)!! I've been holding on thinking when this magical age came so would an 8 hour night of sleep. I think that the Gods are exceptionally cruel to give us the occasional full night to snatch it away again. OK, let me stop now before I really start rambling in my sleep deprived state.

Oh and yeah, Stella is 8 months and has been teething for at least 2 years...

I'm so there with you!!!We have 3 beds in my son's room and he sleeps on NONE of them. I'm beginning to accept that my child can run on very little sleep. Much less than me.He is 3. I am exhausted most of the time.You know, though, these will be the teenagers who can't get enough sleep!!!

Ah yes...I am well-acquainted with the cruel mistress that is baby and toddler sleep. P wouldn't nap in her crib until a few weeks ago at 10 months. I was blissfully happy for but a moment, wondering what I could do for these spare couple of hours every day. Alas, she has since discovered that naptime is for wussies and the inactive, so out the window that has gone.

Sleep? What's that?!Lately, Matt has been saying (over and over and over) I'm not ready yet! when it comes to bed time. SIGH. What about when I'M ready? LOL. The sleeps gods skipped our house completely. Such is our life - bed is a fight, naps are non-existent and there's always one kid, if not both, up in the middle of the night. I look forward to the teenage years for the sleep alone.

I feel for you...the gods must be pissed...my normally easy to sleep 4 y.o. has been a pain for weeks now...

Hey, did you put the air conditioning on recently? DD slept well from 3 mos. to 6-8 mos. and then was a pain...it took us 2 mos. to realize it was the a/c. I put warmer jammies on her and saw improvement.

Have hope, HBM. We have periodic disturbances of a week or two when I nearly lose my mind, but she gets back on track, just when I'm dangling on the ege. This is a test. I repeat, do not adjust your set. This is a test.

This is a tidal/moon phase kind of thing I am sure of it because as someone else mentioned, just when I think I can't possibly take one more day (and night) of not sleeping, the spell breaks and he sleeps gloriously for weeks sometimes at a time.

Then we find ourselves right back there again. I've found it's easier to surrender and not try to fight it or beat my chest in frustration or even attempt to determine the cause. I simply shrug my shoulders and hope for the best.

It ebbs and flows, the sleep thing. Mine now just won't go to bed. In her bed. Or in mine. Just wants to be up. And then she's so tired she can't get up in the morning, when we need to fly out of the house to daycare. Someday, she'll be in college and I won't have to worry about her sleeping. Or, her erratic sleeping will be happening elsewhere and I won't have to think about it.

Gah! Cute photos, baaaaaad story. I'm such a wreck when we don't sleep. It's kinda nice being in Victoria now, because even though I'm working like a dog and staggering through the time change, at least I can sleep. All Night. Every Night.

Very, very cute photos. When she's alseep, WB looks like a baby still ...

The exact same thing happened to me. I finally couldn't take it any longer; I wrote a post BUT DID NOT POST IT, hoping that it would alieviate my desire to shout to the mountains without angering the gods. But even with it sitting in my draft box, the damage was done, the sleeping was over. Defeated, I posted it weeks afterwards, with the original date. I got a few congrats and didn't have the heart to tell them that it was over...

The Baby is having a miserable time right now and getting up multiple times a night. Of course, I sleep like a baby (one who DOESN'T sleep like a jerk) because my husband is the lighter sleeper of the two and gets up with her.I don't remember where I was going with this....

i feel your pain. my child never slept when she was young. I had a friend say to me "my child is sleeping for 4 hours every afternoon, should I be worried?" AFter restraining myself from decking her, I told her she should be throwing a party, and cooking dinner for ME!

The Bug has slept thru the night once. She's almost 11 months old. I despair of it ever happening again. This is why I stay up until the wee hours - if I'm not in the room, she stays asleep. As soon as she hears me, though, she's up and wanting to nurse. All. friggin'. night.

I had a high school friend who had a superstition about driving across train tracks. You had to lift both feet off the floor of the car, cross your fingers, touch the ceiling, and say, "Peanut Butter."

Which I think affects your luck about as much as anything you do to keep your child napping.

I second Madame M regarding the possibility of teething. I seem to remember my son getting some molars in for, oh, a month or so when he was right about WonderBaby's age.

In case you have angered the sleep gods, however, it would seem to me that such a situation would certainly call for libations. Lots of libations. One drink for you, one for Hypnos. Two drinks for you, another for Hypnos . . .