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Category: Poetry

Do you see
the black
that hides
behind my eyes
trying to
overwhelm
at every
opportunity
wanting to not
act upon them
I drown them
in any way
I possibly can
now you think
I am deceiving
myself
into believing
I am doing
something right
when I am not
but do you
really know
how often
the blade slices
inside my mind
how often
I suffocate
and strangle
myself in hatred
breathing all
the mistakes
down my throat
the nights
I cry myself
into a ball
of hopelessness
I ask not
for anyone's pity
or judgement
all I want
is to accept
the person
that stares back
when I look
in the mirror
and not see
a shimmering
shadow
of the person
I could have been.

Be happy
snap out of it
just fix
everything
that is wrong
is what
people tell me
what I
tell myself
eroding away
the small things
I am doing
stopping me
from progressing
away from
this depressing
state of mind.

And so I sit
in the darkest
corners of my mind
peering into
the darkness
I cling to
fearful of
the light
that searches
that brings
hope and release
but this pain
is familiar
I know what
it can and will do
and I am scared
for the torment
that another path
will subject me to.

I have no words
to give
I have no faith
in a world
without knowing
there is more
than just this
more than just
existing for
the sake of it
I know that you
have unspoken
decrees about me
and unfulfilled
wishes coinciding
I just hope
that my tears
are not wasted
not this time at least.