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nature you ambushed me again

Curse you nature you utter, utter, complete, total, my god there aren’t enough expletives in the dictionary to describe my complete contempt for you. You with your blue skies and singing birds and don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to out there. Oh yes no one else sees it but I do. You and your fluffy clouds lulling everyone into a false sense of security. Waiting for that moment when they’re least expecting it and then POW!

I haven’t quite worked out all the details on what the pow might be but oooh I know it’s going to be something so monstrously villainous that no one will be able to thwart. And thwart we must. Thwart and outwit, outmatch, outhouse. We’ll stymie and…and….yeah better close that thesaurus. Starting to get a bit carried away there. So many good words, so little space to plonk them in.

Oh and you hit out with the pollen? That’s a sneaky move. Something that may or may not be imaginary. It’s not imaginary but oh how we all wish it was. Even though the bright red eyes are quite fetching it’s the itchy, itchy eyeballs. Itchy stinging bright red eye balls. So itchy you’d want to pluck them out just to get that spot hidden at the back. You know the one. You’re probably feeling it right now.

Ah but there ye be nature. Don’t think a few bits of flowery castoffs has distracted me from your annual seasonal cruelty. I’m going to find you and when I do find you I’m going to…um….I will….well it wont be pleasant. There will be harsh words. Harsh words and an evil eye. Maybe even two. Two red evil eyes.