Call Off the Wedding? Return the Gifts? What We Can Learn From Kim Kardashian’s Divorce

Kim Kardashian shocked the world this week by ending her televised marriage only 72 days after her flashy, over-the-top (and very expensive) wedding. But now that the divorce papers have been filed, should she return the gifts? And should she have put a stop to the "hoopla" long before she pinned on that $2.5 million headpiece? We asked Sharon Naylor, author of The Essential Guide to Wedding Etiquette, what to do when calling it off becomes a "reality."

HealthySELF: Kim has admitted that she was having doubts before the wedding, but says she “got caught up with the hoopla” and “didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people.” If you’re having doubts or cold feet, when should you go through with a wedding and when should you call it off?

Naylor: The best way to explore these things is through a counselor. A friend or family member is going to hear what you’re saying through a filter of knowing ‘how you can be’ (as in, dramatic) and through their own relationship values. (We saw Kim expressing lots of anxiety during the wedding special, and well-meaning friends told her that ‘this is completely normal.’) And many brides and grooms do have a spike in anxiety right before the wedding — so much is about to change, it can be overwhelming. A counselor is there to listen to you objectively and ask you really important questions that you might not have thought of. If it’s time to postpone or call off the wedding, don’t worry about disappointing people. Those who matter will respect you for listening to your gut and respecting yourself by not settling for less than what feels right to you.

HealthySELF: Kim has said she’s going to donate her wedding gifts to the Dream Foundation, an organization that grants wishes to terminally ill adults. Should she return them instead?

Naylor: For a short-term marriage, it’s always best to return the gifts. I know it’s a tough, embarrassing task, but guests will think more highly of you if you send the gifts back, rather than keeping them and looking terribly greedy. Guests can get very offended, and it becomes a tough situation. For cash gifts, that might be very difficult if you spent the money to pay for the wedding or honeymoon, and it might be easier and more diplomatic for you to send out an announcement to your friends and family that you will be making a donation to a charity in their name, with your thanks for their thoughtful and generous gifts. This applies to shower gifts, too.

HealthySELF: Kim has said she rushed into marriage because she wants “a family and babies and a real life so badly.” How do you know you’re REALLY in love and that it’s not just your biological clock ticking?

Naylor: It’s so not OK to rush into marriage just because you have a vision of a family with babies. A baby thrives when he or she is in a happy, peaceful environment, when the parent or parents are fulfilled and joyful, calm and loving … not filled with anxiety and anger over a tense relationship. Don’t fall in love with the image of having a baby … don’t look at your sister’s baby or your friend’s marriage and baby and want that so badly for yourself that you try to force it to happen. That is so unlikely to turn out well. Just hold onto those wishes you have for being a great parent, be patient and wait for the right person to come along. If a time arrives when you decide that you’re fulfilled enough on your own, perhaps you’ll be among those who have a baby without a partner, and then perhaps life will deliver the partner who’s good enough for you and your child. Don’t rush into marriage just to get your wish list filled.