Each week, The CSPH answers questions that have been submitted anonymously through Formspring. This week’s question is:

[I’m] having problems fitting the entirety of a silicone butt plug inside of me, even with plenty of lube. Help?

A number of questions come to mind when I read your post. To begin, how big is the plug? It’s possible that the size of the plug is bigger than your body can currently accommodate considering your experience with anal play, whatever that may be. If you’re new to anal play, it may be useful to start with a slim buttplug, such as this Li’l End Silicone Anal Toy or the Casanova Silicone Anal Toy.

I also wonder if the buttplug has any texture, as this may be making insertion difficult, especially if the toy is not slick and smooth and causing friction with penetration. In this sense, while silicone is a great, body-safe material for toys, you may find stainless steel or glass anal toys easier for play. For example, these sparkle stainless steel plugs are a good option, and they come in a variety of sizes, which means that you can buy one or all of them and experiment with what best fits your body.

Other questions I have include: Have you fit other similar sized plugs in before? What position are you in while inserting the plug? How are you applying lubrication—on the toy, in the butthole, on the outside, etc?

In terms of optimal insertion, I suggest that you first invest in a good, thick lubricant. I would ordinarily recommend silicone lubes, which tend to be thicker and longer-lasting; however, silicone lubes are not compatible for silicone toys, so this is not an option for the buttplug you currently possess. Some water-based lubricants that I recommend are Maximus and Sliquid Naturals H20 Lubricant, which are known for being longer lasting than most water-based lubes. Furthermore, should you end up with a toy that is not made of silicone, some great silicone lubes include Gun Oil and Uberlube. You can also use a condom with the toy, which will allow you to use lube of any kind.

Once you have a good, long-lasting lube, be sure that you adequately apply it when attempting to insert the buttplug. Different people require different amounts of lube, but I would suggest that you apply it within and outside the butthole as well as on the toy itself. You may find that you need to add more as you begin penetrating yourself with the plug. This is fine, and I would encourage you to add more lube than less, for while rather messy, excess lube can always be cleaned up and wiped off.

When you start inserting the toy, I would recommend that rather than using the toy to penetrate your butt, you instead keep the plug stable and push your butt back against it. This is a good technique for any form of anal penetration, for it puts the control of insertion in the person being penetrated, which tends to be more relaxing. A good position for this is for you to be on your knees, with your legs slightly apart. You would then sit on the plug. During this, you may find it helpful to take deep, guided breaths, and to be sure to take your time.

Another recommendation I have is that you try experimenting with anal play while masturbating and/or while you are already aroused. Similarly, you may want to introduce anal play into your partnered sexual activity. Both of these things may help you relax, in that you will be focused more on your pleasure. Another great way to relax is to take a shower, and try experimenting while under the water. Be sure to use plenty of lube, however, and to reapply often, since the running water will wash away many lubes.

It’s also important to note that buttplugs are not the only way to experiment with anal play. While on a whole, buttplugs are fantastic, you may want to first play with fingers to get yourself more comfortable with anal penetration. Using fingers during anal play is also a key component in preparing the anal sphincter for larger penetrative objects such as toys. This type of play can be performed alone, during masturbation, and/or with a sexual partner.

Finally, if you’ve exhausted the above recommendations and are still having difficulty, it may be the case that there is a medical issue, such as a cyst or lump, that is somehow blocking the anal canal. However, if you experience no difficulty having bowel movements, it doesn’t seem likely that this would be the problem. Nonetheless, should you be concerned, I suggest that you visit your healthcare provider to check the health of your anal canal.

All in all, I encourage you to not become discouraged just because you’re having some difficulty with your buttplug Some sexual activities simply take more practice and preparation than others, and with anal play in particular, it’s a good idea to take the time you need to be comfortable. This will help prevent injury, and will likely be more pleasurable for you.