Though normally stoic, the House speaker last week flapped his gums to tout his proposed new tax on millionaires. Asked by reporters if such a hike might push big-bucks residents to move out of the state, the Chicago Democrat replied, “Well, if they’re in Illinois today, they’re probably so much in love with Illinois that they’re not going to leave.”

In love? With Illinois? That’s crazy talk.

If not, perhaps Madigan can show us where to locate this amazing species, these I-Love-Illinois Illinoisans. With the Land of Lincoln a national laughingstock in recent times, surely such state adoration must be indicative of low brainpower, perhaps of a Cro-Magnon variety.

Where do these I-Love-Illinois creatures live? How much do they drool? Are they legally allowed to procreate? Do they know how? Or do they need help, like pandas in captivity?

Fascinating.

For a moment, I wondered if maybe Mike Madigan has groupies in Springfield. Maybe there’s an undercurrent of special love percolating in Springfield. If so, I figured the state government would be selling tons of “I Love Illinois” T-shirts. You can find them online; they’re just like those “I Love NY” T-shirts that have been popular for decades.

So I called the Illinois State Museum, the Illinois Statehouse, the Lincoln Home National Historic Site and the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum and Library. The latter has an “I Miss Abe” T-shirt (24.99), plus an Abe Lincoln finger puppet ($7.95). But none of those places sells any “I Love Illinois” T-shirts or anything of that nature.

By comparison, the New York State Museum in Albany, N.Y., hawks all sorts of “I Love NY” gear. Then again, some people actually like New York.

I put “I love Illinois” through a Yahoo search: 25,900 hits (if it matters, many involved the University of Illinois, not the state). Then I searched for “I hate Illinois”: that garnered 64,900 hits. Make of those two numbers what you want.

This is not to say I’m calling for statewide anarchy. To be honest, after living here most of my life, I’ve become numb — generally, if not comfortably — to the peculiarities of Illinois.

For instance, I’ve learned to appreciate the federal correctional system, because when our governors get tossed into prison, that means the rest of country has to help pay for the incarceration costs.

Page 2 of 3 - Also, I’ve come to peace with the notion that, despite the dubious state-budget wizardry that seems predicated on endless expansion on the likes of Lotto and casinos, I’ll be dead before the entire system collapses. And, most fun of all, I long ago learned to evade the state’s ubiquitous potholes, to the point that if pothole slalom were to become an Olympic sport, I would bring home the gold.

Do I like all that aggravation? No. But my comments seem like a rave review compared to the opinions of some of my fellow residents. For example, there are several Facebook pages along the lines of “I Hate Illinois.” Some have extra adjectives and adverbs that I can’t print here, but you can guess those epithets.

The opinion-asking site Applicate.com ran a poll in which 75 percent of 14,200 respondents said they “hate Illinois.” Comments left there don’t exactly reflect deep thinking — “it’s the rectum of the Midwest”; “Illinois is the worst state ever” — but you get the drift.

Even if you’re fed up with political shenanigans and ineffectiveness here, “hate” talk still seems strange sometimes. I mean, sometimes — just sometimes — we might get irritated with Congress and other madness of Washington, D.C. Yet we rarely hear people say, “I hate the United States of America.” Sure, Hollywood knuckleheads might threaten to go to Canada to work, but not normal people. You’d get slugged off your bar stool or church pew for blathering something like that, and rightly so.

But it’s OK — and common — for Illinois residents to scream, “I hate this state!” Maybe it’s because we lack a sense of unity. Several states have pledges, just like the Pledge of Allegiance; in school, the state pledges follow the national pledge. Some state pledges are drab, like Ohio’s: “I salute the flag of the state of Ohio and pledge to the Buckeye State respect and loyalty.”

But some are almost poetic, like Arkansas: “I salute the Arkansas flag, with its diamond and stars. We pledge our loyalty to thee.”

Illinois is lacking here. Illinois has a state dance (the square dance) and a state mineral (fluorite), but no pledge. If it were truthful, an Illinois pledge might say something like, “I salute the Illinois flag and pledge to pay more taxes, forever and ever and ever, even if the tires fall off my car because of all of the lousy roads, until my job moves out of state because deep-pocket business owners will hate Mike Madigan’s tax hike. Amen.”

Page 3 of 3 - Maybe lawmakers can create a pledge. But I doubt they can get anyone in this state to recite it. Just ain’t enough love, no matter what you hear elsewhere.

PHIL LUCIANO is a Journal Star columnist. He can be reached at pluciano@pjstar.com, facebook.com/philluciano, 686-3155 or (800) 225- 5757, Ext. 3155. Follow him on Twitter @LucianoPhil.