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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

4. Stop talking
5. Level the playing field by buying several more rounds
6. Hide your inferiority behind a mask of sarcastic indifference
7. Get a PhD
8. Intimidate anyone who would disagree with you
9. Say it on TV
10. Stuff Nutty Cow into audience's ears

Friday, September 5, 2014

1. Uncertainty
2. Cable out
3. Being forced to do something you don't want to
4. Rejection
5. Gym class
6. Compromising
7. Not taking anyone down with you
8. Public speaking
9. Thinking of perfect comeback after the fact
10. Four Horsemen trample flower bed
11. Can't get no satisfaction
12. Fear and loathing in all the wrong places
13. Liver eaten by eagle on daily basis
14. Nutty Cow sold out

Monday, September 1, 2014

1. Actual father from future
2. Mutant powers
3. Still have fighting chance at success
4. Natural childbirth prevented their whole life from being ruined
5. Their combined IQ is higher than yours
6. Came with money back guarantee
7. Nanny is teaching them foreign language
8. Unlimited screen time gives them healthy glow
9. You've provided them with a perfect example of what not to become
10. TV role models provide more realistic expectations these days
11. Child support payments are the sincerest form of flattery
12. School lunches free of potentially dangerous natural ingredients
13. Have learned to do as you say, not as you do
14. Cyber bullying giving their avatars character
15. Global climate change helping them to live every day as if it's their last
16. Growing up in world free of racism and homophobia
17. No sense of shame, decency
18. Have yet to discover Dark Side
19. Know how to spell Nutty Cow