Tag: struggle

What you throw out doesn’t always come back, ironically. After experiencing a somewhat euphoric victory yesterday, it all came crashing down. Story of my life right? I wasn’t told that life gets HARDER the longer you live. Even though everything in life has a purpose and nothing happens for the hell of it, man, I gotta tell ya I think I’m still just floating around with no specific purpose. You read sooooo many emotional “Red Bull” messages in the morning about “making the day great”, “carpe diem”, “go out and make an impact”.

WHAT???? How the hell do you do THAT??? EVERYDAY????

Sometimes, all I have in me is to get up, go to work, finish work, come home and reset for the next day, and it’s even a struggle sometimes to do that. Sometimes, my mindset is to just “get through the day man”. If I can do that, I’m winning somewhat. What happened to that feeling I had, that feeling of invincibility, that I can do all things through Christ that I spewed yesterday??? I’ll tell you what happened to it. It died, that’s what.

I’m learning that whatever you declare in life, you have to be ready to defend that declaration. If you say “I can do ALL THINGS through Christ”, then be prepared to do ALL THINGS in the midst of adversity. Be ready for “the struggle”. Nothing is ever going to be easy, and I think I’ve gotten old enough to know this by now. I guess I just don’t want to believe it, considering I’ve struggled almost ALL of my adult life. No matter how positive I can me, it doesn’t always come back, and that’s the honest truth. That boomerang that I throw out doesn’t always have the same stuff on it when it comes back home. I get that now. So what do I do when the contents of the boomerang have changed?

Keep going, I guess. Hell, I don’t really have a choice, do I? I don’t liken myself to a quitter, but I admittedly lose motivation when it gets dark. So now I have to talk (or type) my way outta some stuff. It sucks when you experience that “transference of energy” (circa “Two Can Play That Game”) and have to fight your way out of a funk that someone ELSE put you in (yeah, that happens a lot too). Encourage yourself, the songwriter said. Speak over yourself. It is easier said than done, but it can be done, and it WILL be done. And no matter what I declare in the atmosphere, I know a challenge is coming. A challenge to see what I’m truly made of, if I have the resolve to actually BE what I declared to be. Some days, I’ll win. Some I’ll lose. I guess to have those days is a blessing in itself, but some days, you just wanna look up and say “Lord, no mas”….but “have mercy” keeps coming out.