Marion's Communication Tips

Marion Grobb Finkelstein offers practical, proven and powerful communication tips you can put to use in the workplace. She'll help you increase morale, confidence and productivity by changing the way you communicate. You'll have communication tools to connect with colleagues, clients, employees and bosses... fast!

Your opinion counts a great deal to me. I
have a handful of quick questions about YOUR COMMUNICATIONS and I hope
you'll take a couple minutes to answer them. Just click here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/H2GLZTT

When you complete this survey, you'll receive
a special thank you gift at the end, with my appreciation. Your
response received within the next couple days would be appreciated.

This survey is anonymous and your answers
will help me create products and services that will be of interest and
value to you. Thanks in advance.

What do you do to acknowledge the performance
of your employees? What sort of rewards or incentives does your
organization use?

Don't have employees? Then ask yourself, what type of incentives work for you? What makes you feel appreciated and acknowledged?

I
recently received a question from one of my readers, asking how she
could reward her administrative staff without busting the bank. Here's
some incentive ideas I offered to her that my clients have generated at
various workshops I've led:

gift items

certificates / awards

money / bonus

names in draws for prizes

employee of the year awards

recognition in employee enews

formal letter of congratulations from top management

hand written personal note of congrats from management

note to personnel file

asked to share their expertise with others (e.g., become a mentor to a colleague, write an article in company newsletter, do a presentation, etc.)

time off

spa day or gift certificate

be recognized at an employee appreciation event

lunch out with the team (or colleague of his/her choice) ... or senior manager (i.e., a chance for face time)

KEY: ask the target audience, what would THEY like?

Not sure. Can't tell someone what your employee team would like to feel valued? The answer is simple -- ask them! You can do so informally, around the water cooler or more formally with a brainstorming session or an anonymous survey. Whatever vehicle you use, the point is to ask the very people you would like to recognize how they would most appreciate this being expressed.

Feel
free to add more ideas to the list above and take out ones that won't work at all.
Take all the items you come up with and evaluate each in terms of pros/cons, costs/benefits, then make your
recos to your management. If you ARE senior management, implement the ones that make the most sense to both your biz model AND your employees.

It's important to also note that, no matter what you do, there will be some people who are ungrateful.

They won't even recognize the effort or the intent. They will simply chide the vehicle you chose to show appreciation. Ignore these people if they are in the tiniest of numbers. If this is the response of most of your recipients, sounds like the way you and your company is expressing appreciation isn't working. Time to brainstorm some more effective options.

There
are many ways you can express appreciation for a job well done.
Admittedly, because you're different and unique, what appeals to you may
not get someone else excited. That's why it's great to have a variety
of ways to recognize great performance. Doing so keeps you and your team motivated and
feeling valued. It makes you want to continue giving and doing your
best.

It's
true that some people respond better to tips of the hat from other
people, while others get their satisfaction and rewards mostly
intrinsically. However, even those who work not for the accolades but
for the cause (whatever their motivation might be), appreciate
recognition -- they just might want it in a different way or from different people. For example, some
employees value being recognized by a learning institution or
professional association while others prefer this kudos from their workmates or
supervisors.

Regardless
how you or your organization expresses appreciation to employees, rest
assured that it communicates more about YOU than you may realize -- and
it's a good message.

Every
year I make time to do something that most woman don't -- I have a
"grown-up girls sleepover". I pick a night my hubby is working and I
prepare all
the foods we girls love (think spicy, ethnic, yummm).

I
remember last year, my friend Christine joined me and we had a blast.
We drank hot pepper
mango martinis (delish! If
you want the recipe, let me know). We
talked all night til the wee
hours... shades of high school, LOL. We spoke about our careers, our
challenges, our families,
our communication challenges ... everything. We confided
in each other, and it was
wonderful. Because of friends and nights like this, I feel validated, on
target and
rejuvenated!

Everyone needs someone to confide in. It's
healthy. It's normal. It provides relief. Having a confidante helps us
talk our way to solutions in a safe and private place.

When
was the last time you needed to spill your proverbial guts to someone?
When you were so angry, upset, excited, happy (fill in whatever strong
emotion you want) that you thought you were going to burst? Enter your
confidante.

So, who is your confidante?

Do you have one?
Maybe you have several. Who do you speak to when you know you need to
talk? In the workplace, you may find your confidante amongst your
colleagues, peers, mentors and even former bosses who can help
guide you.

Regardless where you find them, here's a few things to keep
in mind, there are some traits to look for when choosing your perfect confidante.

What to look for when choosing your ideal confidante:

HAS
PROVEN DISCRETION. If someone is the fountain of office gossip, this
does not bode well about how they would treat your confidences. Look for
someone who you know to be discreet and tactful. If you hear them
constantly talking about others, turn and run in the other direction.

DOES
NOT JUDGE. A confidante accepts what you tell him or her without
judgement. This creates an environment of trust and open communication. Your confidante doesn't necessarily agree with everything you say, yet refrains from looking down the long nose of
judgement. Confidantes are not condescending. You feel respected and accepted, because you know you're not being judged.

LISTENS WELL. A
confidante may not agree with what you're telling him or her, yet has the
ability to take in all your information, allow you to tell your story,
and pull the pieces together for you to consider. Venting is allowed.

OFFERS
SUGGESTIONS. Sometimes we need someone just to listen. Other times we
need someone to brainstorm possible solutions with us. Ideally, your
confidante will do both.

IS UPFRONT. A confidante will
show support and will also let you know when you're pushing a boundary,
when you're off track, and when you've exhausted your options. A good
confidante is realistic.

IS AVAILABLE. Often when you need a
confidante it's because you're in a difficult and painful situation.
Having to wait days, weeks, months to chat doesn't work. Choose a
confidante you know is interested and available when you need them.

Confidantes
come in many shapes, sizes
and places. If you don't find the right one
for you in your office,
workplace or associations, consider checking out
professionals. Counselors
can offer wonderful perspectives. Coaching
programs can give the
trusted venue to share and move forward. Whatever
you do, seek out a
confidante when you need because, we all need the insight of others we
can trust, confidentially speaking.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as
you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst,
author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and
teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to
improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they
communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's
Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Have you ever been told that you're too critical? That you find fault
in everything? That you're "always negative"? If so, read on because you
might be compromising more than you think.

Let's
be honest - we're all critical sometimes. That fact may not be great or
serve you well, though chances are, if it's only sometimes and not the
norm, the damage and price of those occasions may not be too high.

If, however, you find yourself
routinely focusing on what's wrong with someone or something, of
sitting in harsh judgement of others, of constantly critiquing, you
might be paying a higher price than you realize.

You lose a lot when you're super critical

When
you frequently critique those around you -- your colleagues, clients,
boss, or employees -- here's just a few of the gifts you may be losing
or denying yourself:

respect of others

relationships

productivity in the workplace

morale and motivation of others

people's willingness to support and help you

your effectiveness in getting the job done

collaboration and goodwill

your approachability

In the past couple weeks,
I had two clients offer feedback or "criticism" about a typo in an
email I'd sent to them. Let me be clear here -- I am absolutely, 100%
human and definitely make mistakes. Some people effectively point them
out, and others, well, not so much.

Here's the details and
how these two individuals offered their feedback and critique. You decide which one was more effective.

CASE #1:
TYPO IN A NAME -- I had inadvertently mistyped a woman's first name.
The email address was correct, so she received the article (and f-r-e-e
ebook, I might add), however, the salutation read "Dear Diane" vs. "Dear
Diana" (not her real name).

HER EMAIL TO ME:

(NOTE: This excerpt is verbatim, so please excuse the misplaced apostrophe and grammar)

Hi Marion, I
am unsubscribing to your emails because I feel that a good form of
communication is when you correctly spell the persons name in which you
are trying to communicate with.

Thank you and hope you have a great day.

Sincerely, Diana (not her real name)

CASE #2:
TYPO IN AN ARTICLE -- I received another email from a client commenting
on one of my enews articles. She had found a typo and here's how she
told me ...

HER EMAIL TO ME:

(NOTE:
this email is verbatim and unedited. I'm baring my soul and boo boos
here so you can see, hey, everyone makes mistakes. Remember, people show
what they're made of by how they respond to those mistakes ... and the
input).

"Dear
Marion, I really enjoy
your communication tips. I find them short, sweet, and to the point. I also
find that they add value - it is not just fluff. However, and I am
only mentioning this as constructive criticism ...in every communication there
is a spelling error. For example in this one, the last paragraph
says, "You can rep (vs. reap) the rewards as well"

I continue to
enjoy your communication tips but I always get tripped up when I see the
errors because you are promoting "communication
excellence"...

I hope I have not
offended you as that was not my intent - I am just trying to make you aware
because I don't want you to lose credibility.

Thanks, Gail (not her name)

Each email made very valid points. What would your gut reaction be to receiving each? And how would that reaction differ?

My
reaction to the first one was that I felt, "Wow, that's a little
harsh". My response was to write back and apologize, explaining that
there was no ill intent involved at all -- an explanation, not an
excuse for the error. I lightheartedly suggested that with a name like
"Finkelstein", I understood how frustrating misspelled names could be. I
thanked her for taking the time to email me which I really did
appreciate. I invited her to reconsider staying in touch with me via the
enewsletter and continue receiving hands-on communication tips -- she
opted not to (or so I concluded, based on her "no response" to my email).

My
reaction to the second email was very different. I was wowed by this
person's skill in communicating. It was clear to me that she was coming
from a place of respect and kindness. I felt honored that she provided
positive feedback and saw the value in what I was doing, that she was
able to see the big picture and that the typo(s) was only a small part
of the overall experience. I didn't feel attacked or judged; I felt
respected and helped. My response? I emailed her back, thanked her for
her honest comments and eagle eye, and invited her to continue watching
out for typos and anything she wanted to comment on, and invited her to
join one of my webinars as my guest, as a thank you.

If you were Diana or Gail, what type of email would you have
written? Maybe you would have ignored the typo or not even noticed the
mistype. Perhaps you would have been ticked off and dashed off a curt
email expressing your anger. Or it may be more your default action to
email and, realizing it was an innocent mistake or the sign of an
overloaded biz person, point out the error and request that it be
addressed, maybe even find the humor in it.

When you critique, is your reaction equal and proportionate to the action that you find inappropriate? Ask yourself ...

Did the person intend to hurt or insult you, or was it simply an oversight?

Being
an oversight doesn't make it right. A typo still needs to be corrected.
A foot that's been stepped on still needs to be tended to. A project
that is slipping in timelines still needs to meet the deadline. What it
does do, however, is provide a new and fresh perspective -- the other
person's. In doing so, it will change how you communicate with that
person and that, in turn, will change your relationships.

Whether you find yourself being uber-critical or not, here's a challenge.

CHALLENGE: refrain from critiquing (in thought, spoken or written word) for 24 hours

This
challenge will make you painfully aware of how often you jump to
conclusions, fly off the handle and slap judgement on others. (Boy, with
all that exercise, who needs aerobics? LOL).

People
will most likely benefit from your input and feedback when it comes
from a place of love and support. Otherwise, it's just plain criticism,
and that might not be useful to either of you. Think about the price
before you critique.

PS: By the way, if you find a typo in this or anything I write, I really do want to know, so please advise me! ;o)

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as
you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst,
author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and
teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to
improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they
communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's
Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Have you ever been told that you're too critical? That you find fault in everything? That you're "always negative"? If so, read on because you might be compromising more than you think.

Let's be honest - we're all critical sometimes. That fact may not be great or serve you well, though chances are, if it's only sometimes and not the norm, the damage and price of those occasions may not be too high.

If, however, you find yourself routinely focusing on what's wrong with someone or something, of sitting in harsh judgement of others, of constantly critiquing, you might be paying a higher price than you realize.

You lose a lot when you're super critical.

When you frequently critique those around you -- your colleagues, clients, boss, or employees -- here's just a few of the gifts you may be losing or denying yourself:

respect of others

relationships

productivity in the workplace

morale and motivation of others

people's willingness to support and help you

your effectiveness in getting the job done

collaboration and goodwill

your approachability

In the past couple weeks,
I had two clients offer feedback or "criticism" about a typo in an
email I'd sent to them. Let me be clear here -- I am absolutely, 100%
human and definitely make mistakes. Some people effectively point them
out, and others, well, not so much.

Here's the details and
how these two individuals offered their feedback and critique. You guess
which one was super critical and which one was effective.

CASE #1:
TYPO IN A NAME -- I had inadvertently mistyped a woman's first name.
The email address was correct, so she received the article (and f-r-e-e
ebook, I might add), however, the salutation read "Dear Diane" vs. "Dear
Diana" (not her real name).

HER EMAIL TO ME:

(NOTE: This excerpt is verbatim, so please excuse the misplaced apostrophe and grammar)

Hi Marion, I
am unsubscribing to your emails because I feel that a good form of
communication is when you correctly spell the persons name in which you
are trying to communicate with.

Thank you and hope you have a great day.

Sincerely, Diana (not her real name)

CASE #2:
TYPO IN AN ARTICLE -- I received another email from a client commenting
on one of my enews articles. She had found a typo and here's how she
told me ...

HER EMAIL TO ME:

(NOTE:
this email is verbatim and unedited. I'm baring my soul and boo boos
here so you can see, hey, everyone makes mistakes. Remember, people show
what they're made of by how they respond to those mistakes ... and the
input).

"Dear
Marion, I really enjoy
your communication tips. I find them short, sweet, and to the point. I also
find that they add value - it is not just fluff. However, and I am
only mentioning this as constructive criticism ...in every communication there is a spelling error. For example in this one, the last paragraph
says, "You can rep (vs. reap) the rewards as well"

I continue to
enjoy your communication tips but I always get tripped up when I see the
errors because you are promoting "communication
excellence"...

I hope I have not
offended you as that was not my intent - I am just trying to make you aware
because I don't want you to lose credibility.

Thanks, Gail (not her name)

Each email made very valid points. What would your gut reaction be to receiving each? And how would that reaction differ?

My
reaction to the first one was that I felt, "Wow, that's a little
harsh". My response was to write back and apologize, explaining that
there was no ill intent involved at all -- an explanation, not an
excuse for the error. I lightheartedly suggested that with a name like
"Finkelstein", I understood how frustrating misspelled names could be. I
thanked her for taking the time to email me which I really did
appreciate. I invited her to reconsider staying in touch with me via the
enewsletter and continue receiving hands-on communication tips -- she
opted not to (or so I concluded, based on her no response).

My
reaction to the second email was very different. I was wowed by this
person's skill in communicating. It was clear to me that she was coming
from a place of respect and kindness. I felt honored that she provided
positive feedback and saw the value in what I was doing. She demonstrated the ability to see the big picture and recognized that the typo was only a small part, albeit distracting,
of the overall experience. I didn't feel attacked or judged; I felt
respected and helped. My response? I emailed her back, thanked her for
her honest comments and eagle eye, invited her to continue watching
out for typos and anything she wanted to comment on, and invited her to
join one of my webinars as my guest, as a thank you.

If you were Diana or Gail, what type of email would you have
written? Maybe you would have ignored the typo or not even noticed the
mistype. Perhaps you would have been ticked off and dashed off a curt
email expressing your anger. Or it may be more your default action to
email and, realizing it was an innocent mistake or the sign of an
overloaded biz person, point out the error and request that it be
addressed, maybe even find the humor in it.

When you critique, is your reaction equal and proportionate to the action that you find inappropriate? Ask yourself the following ...

Did the person intend to hurt or insult you, or was it simply an oversight?

Being
an oversight doesn't make it right. A typo still needs to be corrected.
A foot that's been stepped on still needs to be tended to. A project
that is slipping in timelines still needs to meet the deadline. What it
does do, however, is provide a new and fresh perspective -- the other
person's. In doing so, it will change how you communicate with that
person and that, in turn, will change your relationships.

Whether you find yourself being uber-critical or not, here's an eye-opening exercise you can do for the next 24 hours ...

CHALLENGE: refrain from critiquing (in thought, spoken or written word) for 24 hours

This
challenge will make you painfully aware of how often you jump to
conclusions, fly off the handle and slap judgement on others. (Boy, with
all that exercise, who needs aerobics? LOL).

People
will most likely benefit from your input and feedback when it comes
from a place of love and support. Otherwise, it's just plain criticism,
and that might not be useful to either of you. Think about the price
before you critique.

PS: By the way, if you find a typo in this or anything I write, I really do want to know, so please advise me! ;o)

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as
you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst,
author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and
teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to
improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they
communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's
Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Have you ever heard someone pass a derogatory comment then follow it up
with, "I'm only being honest"? In a situation like this, I'm tempted to
question if honesty is the true motivation, or is it more accurately
described as rudeness, insensitivity, or carelessness? Do these type of
people really want to "put it out there" or simply put down someone else
so they feel superior and better about themselves? Does their need to
be heard supersede the feelings of the recipient and the potentially
negative impact of their words?

Your "honesty" is a matter of perception

If
you find that you offer raw "honest" opinion, without the benefit of
tact and diplomacy, chances are your message is being lost in the
vehicle in which it's delivered. People won't remember the essence of
what you're saying or the potentially good suggestions; they'll remember
only the sting. But you're "only being honest" you tell yourself. Think
again.

When
you communicate with both barrels blazing, people will shun from
considering and implementing your feedback. It's tough for them to rise
up when you're crushing them. I'm not suggesting that you excessively
sugar-coat or be dishonest. or unauthentic. Quite to the contrary. What
I'm advocating is that if your intent is to come from a place of
support, make sure the words you choose are supportive. If you're not
coming from a place of support, then best to keep your comments to
yourself.

I
present to well over a thousand people a year, and let me tell you, the
vast majority of them are absolutely wonderful at offering useful,
constructive comments and suggestions. I personally read every feedback
form and share them with my client who hired me. Every now and then, I
get a comment or rating I don't understand. In the name of "being
honest", some people are simply over the top. I figure they forget that a
real, live human being is reading these critiques, and wonder how they
would respond if they were the recipient. Ouch!

It's
difficult to bite your tongue when you feel unfairly judged by someone
"just being honest" -- and maybe you don't have to. Next time you feel
the sting of someone "just being honest", try these tips instead:

CONSIDER THE SOURCE. I once had a sole attendee critique one of my
presentations pretty harshly, rating it overall as a "5" out of "10"
while the other 85 attendees rated the very same session as a "9" or
"10". I was puzzled because this rating didn't reflect the rather
positive handwritten comments this person provided. There seemed to be a
disconnect. Perplexing, right? I was stumped too, so I called her to
learn more. She asked if I wanted her "to be honest", as she was a
Toastmaster and accustomed to offering "honest" feedback (I didn't
bother telling her I was an award-winning Toastmaster speaker and
evaluator). Of course, I sad yes. She then said that she learned nothing
new from my session. Hmmm. That was odd as this was one of my most
popular presentations that routinely received outstanding evaluations.
It didn't make sense. Then, the next day, in reviewing the conference
agenda, I recognized a name. It was this woman's. She was a life coach
and, I then learned to my surprise, she was also the hired backup
speaker for the conference. If I, or another presenter, didn't show up,
she was hired to be on call and fill in as required. Now I understood
why she rated the session so poorly -- as a life coach, she was not my
target audience -- the conference attendees were professional project
managers and IT pros, not coaches, so of course she knew many of the
concepts I was sharing.

TIP:
Here's the take-away: before you consider people's "honest" feedback,
ask yourself if they're your target audience or if they have an
incentive of any sort to knock you to your knees. If they're not your
target audience, their "honest feedback" is irrelevant.

HONESTY
IS SOMETIMES A MATTER OF OPINION. Some things in life are black and
white. What date did you send that email? What age are you? What city
were you born in? Other things are a matter of opinion and "honesty"
sometimes falls into that category. Feedback is opinion, and as such, is
highly subjective. It's founded on perception, not fact. It's people
connecting the dots in a way that makes sense to them -- it may not make sense to you.

TIP:
In this case, take what you like and throw the rest away. How you or
anyone connects the dots is a matter of interpretation, not "the truth"
and the only way. Their "honesty" is how they see the world. It may not be how everyone sees it, including you.

CONSIDERING
THE INPUT DOESN'T MEAN AGREEING WITH IT. You will find value in
stepping back and considering the essence of what someone is telling
you. Get the message out of the mess.

TIP:
Even though the way that they're communicating may not be the most
eloquent, there may be a grain of "truth" in their "honest" comments.
Pull out that seed, that kernel of useful input, and throw the rest
away.

DON'T
LET SOMEONE ELSE DETERMINE YOUR VALUE. Just because someone says
something, in the spirit of "being honest", doesn't mean it's the truth.
You will believe what they say only if you already have the wee bit of
self-doubt about that point already. If you have lots of evidence to the
contrary of what someone is saying, take his or her comment in
perspective. In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you
feel inferior without your permission".

Next
time you're at a training session or a conference and you're asked to
fill in a feedback form, know that your "honest" comments, suggestions
and perceptions are always appreciated. That's how people learn and
grow. I sure do! Use your communication savvy to present your ideas in a
supportive manner, and yes, be honest with your ratings.Come from a
place of support and let your remarks be constructive -- being
destructive accomplishes very little.

Or
if you're doing employee appraisals or responding to comments received
on your appraisal from your supervisor, your honest input is again
appreciated and required. Consider it another opportunity to hone your
tact and diplomacy skills, while expressing your opinion.

If
you for a moment think that "being honest" gives you permission to
vomit toxic verbal waste on someone, think again. That's being
aggressive and is not a productive way to communicate. Instead, grab the
occasion to assert yourself and instead of knocking someone down, help
them rise up with constructive and supportive suggestions.

Being
honest or hearing someone's version of "being honest" isn't always
easy. With a little practice and the tips above, it really does get
easier. And that's the honest truth.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as
you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst,
author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and
teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to
improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they
communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's
Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

For years I've been
teaching and practicing giving feedback using the "sandwich" method. You
may know it as the "success sandwich", while others have a less tactful
name for it (you likely know that one too ;o)

You're probably aware of
this method that suggests it's best to serve feedback prefaced with a
positive, give the suggestion for change, then end with another
positive. Maybe you've even used it yourself, or had this sandwich
served up to you.

Here's why that system doesn't work ... You're waiting for the shoe to drop.

That traditional approach
might work once, maybe twice. After that, you begin to notice a
pattern. You tell yourself, "Hey, when Joe gives me a compliment, it's
followed by the old one-two knock-down punch". You begin to associate an
atta-girl or atta-boy with a negative. You're waiting for the
proverbial shoe to drop and feel like you're being buttered up, only to
be knocked down.

A colleague of mine, Shelle Rose Charvet,
introduced me to a new way of looking at and giving feedback. She told
me about a certification course that she was overseeing. Through many
years of giving this week-long course, there were always two or three
people who didn't quite make the cut and therefore, did not gain
certification.

Then, she changed how she gave feedback, and guess what? She got different results. You can too.

Shelle began to offer only positive feedback
and you know what happened? For the first time in years of her giving
this certification course, every single person passed. Now, that doesn't
mean that she and her team of coaches didn't offer suggestions for
change - they just changed the way they did so.

I've gleaned from
Shelle's system and added my own touch to come up with a formula for
giving feedback that will work. You have the exact wording you can use
below Here it is:

HOW TO GIVE FEEDBACK

1) "When you ..." (describe his/her behaviour)

2) ... consider doing this (describe your suggested behaviour)

3) "This will help you to GET ..." (describe the benefit, the gain, what they will MOVE TOWARD)

4) "And, it will help you to AVOID ..." (describe the pain, what they will MOVE AWAY FROM)

5) End with an authentic compliment and encouraging praise.

In action, it sounds something like this:

"Tom, when you hand in a
report, consider the idea of including some charts in it. This will
help you get your point across in a snapshot to senior management who is
time-pressed, and you'll avoid the frustration and time of leadership
not responding quickly and when they finally do, you having to explain
and clarify the points you're making. Good job on this report! You've produced a polished and useful document that will impact the direction management takes. I look forward to seeing your next one."

Instead of sounding like
chastising -- "Tom, your report is good BUT it didn't have charts in it.
That's an oversight" -- this alternate approach is simply an
observation without a tone of reprimand. It communicates the same
information with a different and more positive tone.

Some people believe that
the best way to give feedback is to break someone down so you can build
them back up the way want them. I disagree. There's no need to "break"
anyone, especially if you hope to keep them engaged and motivated.

And there you have it -- a
different slant on how to serve up feedback. Give it a try and let me
know how it goes. In fact, if you have comments about this article, or
my website, or one of my sessions you may have attended or any aspect of
my biz, offer your feedback using this new model. This is a safe and
confidential place for you to practice your new skill.

I look forward to hearing from you and how this technique works for you. Now that's feedback I value.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as
you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst,
author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and
teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to
improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they
communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's
Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

When was the last time you gave feedback? You likely have lots
of occasions for you to do so. It could be during employee performance
appraisals. Or perhaps your boss is asking for your input on a project
or concept? Maybe your client is requesting your decision on several
creative concepts and wants your input to proceed. All these scenarios
require your response ... and feedback.

When
feedback is good, it's easy to give, though many people don't bother.
When you get great support from your boss, or when a colleague or client
bends over backward to get you something your requested by a tight
deadline, do you offer feedback? Do you take a moment to acknowledge the
effort and expertise?

Are people forgetting to give feedback?

I've
noticed a disturbing trend and I'm wondering if you've noticed it too.
When you do something above and beyond, do you hear back from the lucky
recipient? Do you get feedback? If not, it could be just because the
person doesn't realize how important it is to do so. What is looks like
is complete disinterest. Providing feedback and response shows you're
engaged.

I
recently contacted a client to drop off a thank you gift for some
business I had done with him. I followed that up with a hand-written
thank you card in the mail, then a final report summarizing the session.
On all three occasions, I got no feedback or response. Nothing, zip,
rien. OK, a "thank you" would have been nice, but I really wasn't
expecting that. What I did expect was a courteous acknowledgement of
receipt of some sort, and most certainly feedback on the final report,
especially as what I provided was above what had been requested. Was he
pleased?

Because
this behavior of "no response, no feedback" is not unique to that
particular client, I wonder if people are forgetting the importance of
giving feedback. Or maybe it's not so much feedback as professional
courtesies. Have you noticed that too?

If you've found yourself stumped on how to give feedback, here's two keys that may unlock the mystery for you.

Take a tip from the President of Toastmasters International about giving feedback

Are you a Toastmaster or have you ever heard of Toastmasters? If so, you may be
familiar with the name "Chris Ford". Chris was the 2007-08 President of Toastmaster
International. I'm fortunate to know Chris on
several levels. He's a colleague, founding member of my Toastmasters
Club, and I'm privileged to call him my friend. (PS: I also know him as someone who makes a killer martini ;o)

A number of years
ago,
Chris gave us a tip at our Toastmasters meeting that I've never
forgotten. He was talking about giving feedback and evaluations of
speeches, a regular practice at Toastmasters meetings. The principles
apply to any instance where you're providing feedback. He said there are
two keys to giving feedback, and these are:

Let the person know what they can do to improve

Leave them feeling better for having heard it.

Next time you find
yourself with an opportunity to give feedback, do it! Not only will it
help to hone your communication skills, if you do it right, you'll
likely be helping the other person too.

PS: have some feedback about this article? Feel free to post it below.

Say It While You CanHey
MarionSpeaks, today is my birthday and I find myself reflecting over the
past year. It was this same week last year that I lost my mom. She was
90 years young and suffered from Alzheimer's -- it was like losing her
twice. When I got the news of her passing, it was especially difficult
because I was in Florida and she was in the Niagara region. As I trekked
back home, I tapped out my weekly article enroute. It was the
enewsletter that has to this date, received one of the highest responses
from you, my readers, colleagues and clients.

In memory of my mom and in honor of all the people in your life
you hold near and dear or have lost, I share with you this "encore"
article I wrote last year. Although months have passed, the message is a
timeless one. Even through difficult times, you can share and receive
the lessons learned -- and it's this very art of sharing that is one of
the many vestiges my mother leaves behind.

November 2010

SAD NEWS ... AND THE BEST GIFT I EVER RECEIVED

It's
with an aching heart that I tell you this past week, my mother passed
away. As I type, I am in JFK International Airport enroute to returning
home from a wonderful birthday cruise and Florida holiday. Getting
closer to Ottawa, I find the reality of the situation is beginning to
hit and I'm bracing myself for the overwhelm of emotion I will feel upon
my return to reality and familiar things that remind me of mom.

I
am so very grateful to have had my mother in my life for this length of
time. The nursing staff in her seniors home have cried many tears, a
measure of the extent to which my mother innately reached out and
touched lives around her.

This
coming week is Thanksgiving for our American colleagues. During this
festive season, it makes me think back over the years of all the gifts
given and received for which I've been grateful. I bet there's one
special gift you gave that you remember fondly. Me too.

The best present I ever gave was one I prepared for my mother just a few months ago.
My mom was 90 years old and had suffered from Alzheimer's for almost a
decade (gee, it seems odd to use the word "was", as in past tense).
Although she remembered most of her family members most of the days, the
disease slowly robbed her of her precious memories. Chatting and
visiting with her was always a joy and made me greatly appreciate the
importance of communicating, even when you're not sure if it will be
remembered. Although fleeting, I know with certainty there were moments
we connected.

Almost twenty years ago, I had written mom a series of letters with each entitled, "lessons my mother taught me". In
these writings, I shared with her life skills I had learned at her hand
when I was a child. Through mom's many moves to progressively increased
care, these letters had been lost. Recently, I decided to recreate them
and mail them to her again. For the past few months, every couple weeks
I snail-mailed my mother a one-page note sharing one of my childhood
memories of how deeply she had impacted my life. The lessons were
principles that have guided me throughout the years, including:

keep a song in your heart

never be embarrassed by someone who loves you

a promise is a promise.

This
past September, I drove from Ottawa to the Niagara region to visit my
mom, as I had done countless times over the years. When I walked in her
room, I handed her a surprise -- a binder with a cover that read,
"Lessons My Mother Taught Me". The subtitle noted, "Lessons learned by:
Marion Grobb Finkelstein / Lessons taught by: Rita M. Grobb". Inside, in
plastic page protectors, were the typed stories of each lesson I'd sent
her.

For
the week of my visit, each day I would read these stories aloud and she
listened in awe. One time, much to my surprise and huge delight, she
even read along with me and we took turns reading alternate paragraphs.
Every time I read these lessons, it was as if she was hearing the
stories for the first time. Really, in her mind, she was. My mom was
amazed that I remembered these incidents and she marveled at the
lasting impression that her everyday actions had on me. "You remembered
that?", she'd ask, as I recounted a seemingly incidental event. She
smiled and listened intently as the stories unfolded and she realized
her role in them.

I
felt a compelling need to share these joys with her in the living
years. Why wait until she couldn't understand or (gulp) for a eulogy (my
mother taught me that too - to express appreciation in the moment). As I
sit here now, on this side of my mother's life, I am ever grateful that
I shared them when I did.

Whether
you're celebrating Thanksgiving, or soon to celebrate Christmas,
Chanukah, or just the festive holiday spirit and sense of connection
with others, I encourage you to communicate with someone who has touched
you in ways he or she may not even realize. Let them know the positive
influence they've had on your life and don't wait until tomorrow
because, as I was sadly reminded, tomorrow may never come. It may be a
family member, a colleague, your boss, or a client. Now is your time to
reach out.

My
mother may not have remembered the gift of my binder or the lessons she
so ably taught me. She might not have recalled receiving the
crisp typed one-page stories I'd mailed to her, or have any recollection
of me seated by her side reading them to her.

She might not have remembered any of it at all, but I sure do. And that's the gift she gave me.

Every now and then, I get a question that so many people have asked (or want to ask), that I simply want to share it with all of you. This is one of those delicate communication situations described below. Perhaps you've found yourself in this awkward position or you will someday. Read on, and you'll have some suggestions with how to handle it.

QUESTION:

I was wondering how to approach employees on personal hygiene issues. It's not that the individuals are dirty or filthy but rather don't use personal anti-perspirants due to whatever reason. I have other employees commenting on "how ripe" the smell is on some days! I'd like to discuss this with the individuals and wondered how to handle it.
Signed, Holding my breath until I get an answer.

MARION'S RESPONSE:

What a tough situation -- talk about having to communicate a difficult message! Rest assured, you're not alone. I've known several people who have handled this predicament. Here's some principles of good communications and tactics I would suggest:

1. SET THE TONE: Before you do anything, get your head in the right place -- come from a place of service, not judgement. You are speaking to this person because you have information that will help them (I'll explain how in a sec). Keep the mood light and casual. If you're nervous about speaking to them, remind yourself that you're doing this to support them, not to make them feel bad. Remind yourself of the outcome you want to see -- improved relationships, better productivity (it's hard to be productive when people don't want to be around you), and maintaining the person's dignity.

2. SPEAK IN PRIVATE. You mention "individuals" (plural) -- meet with each one separately and privately. If your workspace doesn't have a door, find a corner somewhere that you can meet without anyone hearing. No one needs to know that you're speaking to them. This is a sensitive issue and the intent is to treat it delicately and respectfully. Keep it short, brief, friendly and authoritative (you're the boss, right?)

3. WHAT TO SAY. The two golden rules of offering feedback:

1) the person feel better for having heard it; and

2) They know what to do to improve.

With this in mind:

a) Let them know the situation

b) Explain the impact it's having on THEM (i.e., their operational effectiveness) and others and (here's the important part) why it's in their best interest to change.

c) let them know you're there to help, you support them

d) close with a thank you and how much you value them.

A few cautions:

a) Make no reference to what might be causing the body odor, or anything that might end you up in the HR or lawyer's office -- that is, make no reference to culture, gender, weight, or anything else that you might see as contributing factors. These things could be seen as personal attacks, and that's not the intent.

b) Be approachable while being matter-of-fact

c) Allow them to save face, not be embarrassed.

It could sound something like this:

"Debbie/John (fill in the blank), I wanted to speak to you because I've noticed something I think you'll want to hear. Please know that I say this in the spirit of support and because you deserve to connect with colleagues and clients to the greatest extent possible.

I find that when I'm near you, I smell perspiration or body odour. I don't know what's causing it, all I know is that I'm concerned it's affecting your ability to interact with colleagues and clients.

You deserve to feel comfortable around others, so taking care of this piece is just another way to connect. There's lots of products you can try until you find a combination that works for you. If you have any questions, I'm not an expert but I'll certainly answer questions and help you as much as I can.

I appreciate the fact that we can speak candidly. So, let me know how it's going and if you have any questions, let me know."

Hope that helps. Let me know how it goes!

(PS: Hey, if you're reading this and have had a similar incident, post your comments and let us know what you did and how it turned out... or if you're going to use the approach suggested above).

I often get emails from people asking some excellent communication-related questions. Many of you are likely wondering the same things, so I'll be responding to these questions from time to time via my "Marion's Communication Tips" enewsletter. If you have a question or communication challenge you'd like to share, drop me a line at Marion@MarionSpeaks.com and you might be featured in a future edition. (PS: I use first names only and always ask permission to use your story first. I also may take a few editing liberties to shorten the text). And now, on to this week's question ...

QUESTION: "Marion, your recent newsletter about (the importance of) response times brought a flood of instances to mind where I was less than prompt getting back to clients. I met with a client the other day -- 10 days after our initial contact. Files just pile up, not to mention having to act as team lead and fill in extra shifts while co-workers were on holiday. I find myself having to make excuses for why I haven't contacted people sooner. I suppose the right thing to do would have been to take a few minutes to let her know I hadn't forgotten about her."
Signed, Overwhelmed in Edmonton

MARION'S RESPONSE:
Dear Overwhelmed, you are not alone. It seems everyone these days is expected to do more with less. The proverbial "fat" has been cut so severely in some organizations, that the powers that be have succeeded in cutting into muscle. It's difficult to live in an environment of increasing expectations and reduced resources. And this type of workplace defintely puts a strain on how we communicate. Stress always does. So here's some tips:

MANAGE EXPECTATIONS -- BEGIN WITH YOURS. You can only do what you can do. Even the most organized and productive person has a breaking point. Know what your boundaries are and when you're approaching them, then tell yourself it's OK to admit that you're human. Set challenging and reasonable goals for yourself and allow yourself some breathing and "contingency" room to get things done.

MANAGE EXPECTATIONS -- THEIRS. Once you know what your timelines and boundaries are, communicate that to the person waiting for your response. They might not like being told that you'll be getting back to them next week instead of tomorrow. They might even be upset and disappointed. Even this is better than them thinking you're responding tomorrow and them getting more angry by the day when you don't respond for a week. As difficult as it may be, explain the reality. No communication at all is a void, and if you don't fill it with information and expectation, the client will fill it with anxiety, anger and disappointment. And those emotions destroy relationships ... and business.

MEET EXPECTATIONS -- BOTH OF YOURS. Now that you've set the expectations, make sure you meet them. When you say you're going to do something, do it. It's as simple as that. That's how you build credibility and distinguish yourself from the competition. Much better to have a client, colleague, boss or employee dealing with a realistic expectation and you meeting it, than just thinking you're not responding at all. It lowers the stress for both of you.

For the past month or so, I've been shopping for "just the right" couch. I finally found one last week. It was the right colour (well, OK, it's a tad darker than I'd like -- life is full of compromises, right?), the right size (maybe just a smidgen too large, though it still fits), the right price (hey, leather's expensive so a higher price is justifiable, isn't it?) ... and then the delivery date. What?! Eight to ten weeks? Are you kidding me?

At first, I couldn't believe the lengthy waiting period. We have already sold our old couches and are watching TV in the rec room downstairs while our upstairs family room is being renovated. As nostalgic as this "college dorm" look is, I wasn't planning on two and a half months of this. Then the salesman said something that made a lot of sense. He explained, "Most other furniture places will tell you they'll deliver in 6 to 8 weeks, but that's just not so. We tell people 8 to 10 weeks, because that's what it really is. And if you get it early, bonus."

He was absolutely right. Now I know that we'll be a couple months without our furniture and I'm planning on using that time to paint, refinish the floors, and choose accessories. In other words -- he communicated a realistic situation and managed my expectations. I, in turn, am grateful to him for being upfront. You can use this same technique with your clients and work mates. I think this approach sets that furniture company apart from many others. You can position yourself uniquely too, just by being upfront about managing expectations.

When you find yourself overwhelmed and simply unable to respond when you (or they) hoped, let the people know. You deserve to be relieved of undue stress and your client deserves an answer, if only to advise them when you'll respond in full. That's managing expectations, stress, and relationships. Allow yourself some breathing room and keep others up to date. Now, that's worth communicating.

How's your response rate these days? I mean, how long does it typically take for you to respond to an inquiry or request? It could be from your boss, employee, colleague or client -- and how long you take to respond is going to make a difference to your success rate and building relationships.

Jay Arthur, a fellow pro speaker (http://www.lean-six-sigma-money-belt.com), advised me that in the March 2011 HBR reports that sales could benefit from cutting response times. Companies spent $22.7 billion generating online sales leads in 2009. Companies that followed up within the hour were seven times more likely to qualify the lead than companies that followed up after an hour and 60 times more likely than companies that waited 24 hours.

How are most companies doing?

23% never responded at all

24% took more than 24 hours

16% responded in 1-24 hours

37% within the hour

In other words, two-thirds of companies are throwing away their investment (that’s $14.6 billion) by waiting too long to respond. Learn from what corporations are doing wrong. Wow, that's a lot of money. Clearly, response rates matter in business.

They also matter in terms of projecting yourself as a professional. How you treat others shouts volumes of how you value them. Non-response suggests that you don't value the person making the request. Nothing may be further from the truth -- you may simply be overwhelmed, be super busy, or the request may have gotten lost in cyberspace. The person waiting for the response doesn't know any of that. All they have to judge how you value them is the way in which you respond.

I worked with a client recently who dashed off an urgent note full of angst to his boss. When the boss responded immediately (within an hour or two) by phone call, requesting the employee to call back, this employee took over a day to respond. The boss did the right thing -- immediate response to an urgent request. The employee did not.

When you don't respond in a timely manner, especially to urgent requests, and especially those from superiors or clients with time-sensitive issues, you disrespect them.

Now think about it -- is there anyone you need to respond to? If the answer is "yes", do it now.

cheers,
Marion

PS: if you're having difficulty coping with all the requests to communicate, I have some strategies that I share with my coaching clients -- the first of which is change your attitude and realize how your actions may be perceived. If you're interested in being coached, drop me a line.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Chat with her Facebook www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

For my Canadian colleagues, this is the long Thanksgiving weekend. It's wonderful to take a moment to recognize all the things for which we are grateful, and there are so many. Besides friends, family, health and life, I am always thankful for great customer service. I was reminded of that just this past week

If you visited my website www.MarionSpeaks.com lately, you're likely aware that I've been having lots of technical difficulties. Links weren't working, pictures didn't apear as they should, text was changing color for some unknown reason, and I was getting emails from clients and colleagues alerting me to these facts. I was frustrated beyond belief, so did what most of us would do in that situation -- I called the help line. That's when the wheels fell off.

I was greeted by a soft-spoken gentleman named Jeff. I explained one problem and received a brief "uh huh". I went on to describe the next issue and then the next. All I heard was silence, so much so that I said, "Hello, are you still there?". I left that conversation feeling like I really hadn't been heard and was not confident that Jeff would be able to find a solution. This concern was confirmed when I received an email with the "work ticket" indicating "Low Priority". Clearly, in spite of my stating the urgency of this situation, Jeff didn't understand how fundamental my website was to clients visiting my site. Having just delivered a session to 200 people in Thunder Bay a few days before (special "hi" to my Stepping Stones colleagues!), I was understandably concerned that many people would be visiting my website and getting first impressions ... with links that didn't work. Turns out, I was right.

The very next day, I checked my website and none of the problems had been resolved. I called the help line again and spoke to Jeff's work mate named Jonathon. Jonathon at least punctuated his listening with "uh huh", "I see", and asked a few questions to demonstrate his active listening and understanding. He was doing well until the very end of the conversation when I said "goodbye" and he hung up without even responding. Who does that?! Apparently phone service people who don't realize what it feels like to be on the receiving end of such lack of communication.

ATTENTION TO anyone who speaks to clients on the phone (and isn't that all of us?). Perhaps you may not require verbalizing your thoughts and you may enjoy some time to process information and find a solution. That might be all find and good and work for you. However, in case you are not aware, here it is up straight -- it absolutely does not work for your client. To connect with your client, you need to evidence that you are actively engaged through audial clues.

When there's a live person on the other end of the phone who can't see your body language, you will connect by giving audial signs that you are actively engaged. If you choose not to do so, your client may mistakenly conclude that you are disconnected, not interested, or working on something else. That is the absolute worst way to respond and if it's your way, you would be well advised to change it. Here's how.

TIPS TO OFFERING GREAT PHONE SUPPORT:

After the client speaks, say something. While you may be working away finding the answer for clients on the line, make sure they know what you're doing. Do not remain silent ... when you're on the phone, silence is anything but golden. Validate your client's position and frustration. "I can understand why you would say/think that" (even though they might be wrong, you can still see WHY they would logically conclude something). Agree with what you can such as, "Yes, you're right. This really is fundamental to your business and needs to be rated as 'urgent priority'". If you say nothing, the client has no way of knowing that you are actively engaged. Remaining silent is bad communication and a surefire way to disconnect.

Smile. Although the client can't see your smile, they'll still hear it in your voice. Be friendly and reassure him or her. Your client is already frustrated with the technical issue, so don't let your silence add to that frustration. TIP: keep a mirror by your phone and when you're dealing with clients, look into it. If your face looks uptight, angry, disinterested, happy, engaged or smiling ... your voice will convey it. Make sure your face is saying what you want it to because only then wll your voice have the tone you hope to convey.

Make it free for the client to call you. Although a 1-800 number is ideal, it's not always affordable for small businesses. If your organization doesn't offer one, be sensitive to the fact that the client is calling long distance and offer to hang up and call them right back so they incur no unnecessary charges.That starts your conversation off on the right foot and evidences from the very beginning that you routinely take the client's perspective into consideration.

Silence may well be golden, but not when you're speaking to clients or colleagues on the phone. Remember, they can't see your visual clues, so compensate with lots of audial clues to ensure that you connect. Do this, and even though your silence won't be golden, your relationships will be.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Chat with her Facebook www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com.

I'm a big believer that offering great customer service means great business. Whether you're working in a government office, a retail outlet, or selling a service, it's your clients and consumers who are your raison d'etre, the reason you do what you do. Offering great service builds business

If I asked you to tell me about an awful customer service experience you've had, you could probably give me several. And I bet that when you received this less than stellar service, you told other people, right? Sure you did. We all do. We need to vent with others we trust, and we want to warn them against patronizing businesses and services that don't deserve our business.

Now , let's flip the coin for a moment and think about the last time you received outstanding service. What did it look like? What was it that made it so wonderful? What made the difference? When you got this fantastic service, how many people did you tell?

Research suggests that when we're satisfied we relay the great experience to a few people. When we're disgruntled, watch out -- we tell many more. We seem to be quick to complain and slow to compliment. But why? Great service begs to be acknowledged, and there's two people who need to hear about it:

the person serving you

their supervisor

Last week, I received a phone call from an online autoresponder service I was trialing. I'd decided not to go with them in large part, due to cost and because I could get comparable services elsewhere. Although their product was a cadillac, I didn't need all the bells and whistles. I had advised my customer service rep of my intent to leave the plan and he relayed the information to his colleague to close my account. When Scott (let's call him that) called me, he asked why I was leaving. I told him. And then I continued to expound on some of the suggestions I had for his product. I then told him about the excellent service that Steve (the sales rep) had offered me. I asked that my comments be relayed to Steve (I'd already told him personally, but I wanted his colleague to know too) and be noted to his supervisor. In a case like this, I often ask to speak directly to the supervisor who is always pleasantly shocked to hear someone taking the time to compliment a staff member. That tells me that it doesn't happen often.

Asking for your positive feedback to be noted to someone's personnel file is the best way to say "thanks". Be specific about what the person did to help you and the impact their service had on your business, your stress level, your life.

Gestures like this take only a few moments, yet their impact can make differences to careers and last a lifetime. It's motivating and encouraging for the person serving you to hear and it reinforces this great behaviour. It's also important for the supervisor to hear, to know that they have a real "winner" in their midst, and this information may well open doors for that employee and also make the supervisor look good too.

Next time when you get a chance to pass on a compliment about customer service, do it. Someone needs to hear. And now, you know who.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Chat with her Facebook www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com.

Happy Valentine's Day! Did you do anything special to celebrate today? Did anyone express special thoughts to you or vice versa? Was chocolate, wine, or festive dinner on your agenda?

To me, Valentine's Day is so much bigger than romantic love. As wonderful as romance is, love has many types and equally as many forms of expression. I think the most important person in the world you need to communicate "I love you" to, is yourself. It's not being selfish, it's being healthy and creating a base for other loves to grow.

Last night, I helped with and emceed a fundraising event called, "Hopewell LOVE YOUR LIFE Valentine's Gala". It was all about loving your life, and, most importantly, loving yourself. It was a wonderful reminder of acceptance and getting rid of the negative voice inside that haunts so many of us. I was reminded that it's time to communicate gently with ourselves.

.

On Valentine's Day, some people may feel down in the dumps if they aren't celebrating with a romantic interest. If that's you, spend the time instead on telling yourself things you genuinely appreciate about yourself -- your patience, tenacity, kindness, intelligence -- whatever it is that you value about yourself. If you have to dig, perfect! Because when you finally are able to enunciate that something, it will be all the more meaningful.

Communicating self-love and affection is a great base for all our relationships. Remember, you loving others is important -- and so too is you loving you! Let that cupid touch your heart ... and your communications to yourself.

Until next time,

Better communication, better business, better life

PS: do your colleagues a favour and invite them to sign up to receive "Marion's Communication Tips". Just hem to visit www.MarionSpeaks.com and fill in the registration form.

·Marion is a contributing author to "Award-Winning Finalist USA BOOK NEWS Non-Fiction: Anthologies" book, "The Power of the Platform: Speakers on Success", featuring 21 authors including Jack Canfield, Brian Tracy and Tana Goertz. See http://www.marionspeaks.com/bk-popsuccess_70.html

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ABOUT MARIONSPEAKS

Marion is focused on helping YOU find solutions to your workplace communication challenges. Driven by a strong sense of customer service, she will help you discover and use your unique communication style to connect with clients, colleagues, employees and bosses. The result? Higher productivity, morale and confidence. Get the results you want and deserve by changing how you communicate!