Is there anything funnier than tiny cat pants?
It seems unlikely, but my goal in life is to find out.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The Creepy Nice Guy

Sorry, y'all, I got caught up in the thought of all the conservative blogging men I know enslaved to me and doing all my housework while naked and thus got distracted from the important bits of yesterday's post on the problems with liberal men.
So, I wanted to start out by saying that I think we can't discount S-Town Mike's objection that we can't discount inter-faction fighting between people all competing for the same pool of vulnerable co-eds. Fair enough.
But again, W. leads to enlightenment, as he asks for clarification between the "creepy nice guy" and guys who are nice. This is somewhat hard to explain, because a lot of it has to do with just the vibe the creepy nice guy gives off.
Let's take the Wayward Boy Scout for example. When we came out of the strip club, he opened the truck door for me. Did I mind? Not at all. Why? Because he was being nice* and I assume that, in his paradigm, holding doors for women is his way of saying "Yeah, I'm probably not going to shoot you."
But, and here's the problem, the creepy nice guy will also hold the door for you. The creepy nice guy will buy you flowers. The creepy nice guy will pay for your meal. See, the creepy nice guy will do all the things regular guys who are nice will do, but with a difference.
Most straight guys** do nice things for women because they want the women to know they like them and want to be liked in return, in hopes, I presume, of eventually getting laid.
But the creepy nice guy does these things because he hates women.
The creepy nice guy doesn't send you flowers because he saw them and thought how beautiful you'd think they were and thus might be inclined to fuck him. The creepy nice guy sends you flowers because he wants to prove to you and to everyone around you that he is a nice guy and so, if you won't fuck him, it's because you're a bitch.
Dwell on the fucked-up-ed-ness of the creepy nice guy here a moment. Once he decides that you're the object of his affections, he already presumes that 1. He's inherently attractive to any woman he meets and so 2., if you don't respond properly to his gestures, it's because 3., you're a man-hating whore, because 4. he apparently possesses the ability to read minds.
So, you can see our dilemma when men do nice things for us. If we don't know them very well, it's hard to discern whether they're behaving those ways because they like us or because they're just waiting to hate us.
But I actually think that it's point 4. that sheds real light on the problems between liberal women and liberal men. There are now creepy nice guys who have become so thoroughly familiar with feminist thought that we liberal women mistake them for guys who are nice, thoughtful, and on our side. When really, no, they are just the same old creepy nice guy who both thinks he deserves better than us and is shook to the core by the fact that we might not want him.
And the fact that he presumes to know what we're thinking, because he's already read all the theory, well, obviously, in the face of that, it's nice to sit across the table from someone who will regularly say "Where the fuck did you get that idea?"
Conservative men, I theorize, are benefiting from the expert camouflaging skills of the creepy nice guy within liberal circles. And, I surmise that, if it appears that all the easy girls start pursuing conservative men, the creepy nice guy will, once again, change his spots to blend in with that crowd.
*Well, and I'm planning on someday opening a car door for him, just to see how uncomfortable it makes him, but that's just my own sad way of amusing myself.
**And yes, I'm making broad generalizations. If you don't like it, the line to suck my butt starts over there.

14 Comments:

Very interesting take. So when people are nice to you without a benefit either implied or stated to them, it is a little creepy. There is an Ayn Rand parable in there somewhere.

Some guys do nice things because they need to improve their image P.R.-wise. Word of mouth advertising goes a long way in interpersonal relationships. So dude being nice, may mean he is laying ground work for you to tell your friends what a good person he is and thereby attain your seal of approval when he asks them out.

Yes, but I don't see how what you're describing fails to fall into the "guys who are nice" category.

I didn't say that "when people are nice to you without a benefit either implied or stated to them, it is a little creepy." I said that, when the benefit to them seems to be confirmation of their hatred of women, that's creepy.

I didn't say that it fails to fall into the category. There is an implied benefit to being known as a trustworthy, polite, respectful person. Even if that person isn't doing those things to get in your pants.The hatred of women/stalker angle manifests itself more directly than just being 'nice'. The being nice part alone isn't enough of an indicator to know if the person is creepy or not.

I have to say that I thought there could be nothing more upsetting to me than fighting with you and not knowing if you were serious, but I hadn't anticipated you being nice to me and my not being able to tell if this is a prelude to you announcing that you're going off to live in Montana and we'll never hear from the likes of you again.

See, I hate the fact that creepy nice guys are out there ruining the fact that some of us out there--in fact, I'd say a majority of most guys--are, in fact, nice guys.

That said, I do understand that guys have the same issues figuring out women. I met a woman a few months ago for dinner after we'd chatted on-line for a few weeks (I am kind of overly cautious). We had a nice dinner and certainly there was that weird, first-dinner kind of vibe at first..nervous a bit, but it wore off quickly. We had a nice time and then she suggested we walk around downtown for a few minutes...so we did.

During dinner, she'd mentioned her b'day was coming up and plans for celebrating it. I realized I wasn't gonna be invited because, well, we didn't really know each other that well and I understood. But I did send her an e-card on her b'day just to wish her a nice b'day. I guess this went too far into creepy vibe for her as I got an e-mail back telling me that while I seemed nice, she didn't feel it with me and it might be best if we no longer communicated.

So, I respected her wishes....

I mean, I think in all of this I wsa motivated by wanting to be nice...just to be me. And maybe that came off as creepy and/or desparate...I just don't know.

For cripes sakes, I am not going to bitch about nice guys, creepy or not. It's been so long since I've been out with a really nice man.We know my Republican was an asshole who dumped me in an IM, but a little cancer scare, a lot of major surgery, and hell, I'm not afraid to get back on the horse. I just need to find one I can ride.

The creepy nice guy sends you flowers because he wants to prove to you and to everyone around you that he is a nice guy and so, if you won't fuck him, it's because you're a bitch.

Jeeeebus. That is my almost-ex to a T. Eeek.

The rare and horrifying instance of such secretly misogynistic boys scares one away from risking involvement with the preponderance of nice guys, I've found. It's unhealthy to let an experience with one color your future attempts at lurve, but it's what we do.

THE CAST OF CHARACTERS

The Butcher--My youngest brother, who lives with me and works as, you guessed it, a butcher. He knows everyone in town.

The Recalcitrant Brother--Our middle brother, who lives in rural Georgia and has a kind of movie star life, if that movie star is Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.

The Reverend--Our Dad, a Methodist minister, perpetually three years from retirement.

Mom--Our Mom. She doesn't get a funny nickname because our mom will not stand for funny nicknames.

Mrs. Wigglebottom--My dog. She's got terrible manners.

The Corporate Shill--Or The Shill, as we call her. My friend from college who was constantly getting me into trouble and going to parties she neglected to tell me about where cute boys would ask her "Where's Aunt B.?"

The Legal Eagle--The Shill's husband.

The Super Genius--She lived next door to me my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since my first day on the floor.

Miss J.--My first adult friend, meaning the first lasting friendship I made after college. She was my roommate in grad school.

Her Lover--Her Husband.

The Divine Ms. B.--Miss J.'s sister and one of my heroes, because she's brave and funny and mystic and fearless.

JR--My oldest friend. I've known her since I was in the second grade.

Elias--JR's husband and the person who's musical tastes have most strongly affected my own. Oh, how I long to be cooler than him!

The Professor--My closest friend here in Nashville. She's a genius, but she'll never tell you that.

The Man from GM--I've known him since I was 16 and he still hasn't forgiven me for telling him I was a vegetarian when I wasn't.

The Redheaded Kid--No one knows where he comes from or where he goes when he leaves here. I assume he's the Butcher's friend. The Butcher assumes he's mine.