For such a simple step, this one can be so hard that many folks die without ever "getting" it. Who wants to be "powerless", much less admit it. It is one of the many paradoxes of the program, that we become free through surrender.

A great analogy that has helpred me tremendously with Steps 1-3 is:

1) I can't,

2) He can,

3) I think I'll let him.

Please don't get hung up on religious connotations or over-complicate these simple steps. I must practice them continually.

when it came to alcohol even though i was drunk 5-6 days out of a week,i never thought i had a problem until i quit.
now that i can look back at it,it did ruin alot of my life.
i drank for aver 30 yrs without knowing i was an alcoholic,nobody said a word.
but when it came to my addiction to my doc,and that was only for 5-6 yrs i knew from an early time i had a problem,i have always wondered why?

Its rather amazing how we are often the last to catch on. When I was drinking and using, I thought I had everything well-hidden. Of course, most everyone knew, so the only person who was really fooled was me!

I was powerless over my opiate addiction I couldn't figure out why it was so darn hard to just walk away and not look back because I am a damn strong woman so it was very confusing to me as to why I couldn't kick it. I had to realize that it consumed me and I couldn't fight it until I understood this very step.

Neisy, I was the same with alchohol in my younger years. I too never realized I had a problem with booze even though it was suggested to me more than once. Fortunately alchohol eventually lost its appeal to me through course of nature. Opiate painkillers were another story...
What went from a small script of vicodin from my Dr to treat my gouty arthritis snowballed into a slippery slope that I was sliding down (not on skis). "Take as directed" was thrown out the window once I realized my condition was suitable to be prescribed by "online doctors/pharmacies" (R.O.P's/records online pharmacies). By sending out copies of my medical records and substantial money, I had a source that sent me #120 10/325 hydrocodone/APAP each month. Not long down that road I realized that vicodin didn't even affect me the way it used to, but if I stopped I would become miserable (so don't stop).
I later found out that Oxycontin would provide that "euphoric feeling" that I used to get from vicodin which I loved so much. I would use OC on "occasions" to get that feel good feeling. Those occasions became more frequent and before I knew it I was at the same point with OC that I was with vicodin. For over a year I spent so much time and money trying to aquire something that was just making me feel "normal" and out of the miserable feelings that would come without it.
I decided enough was enough. I had finally admitted to myself what I had known for quite a while. I am an addict and I need help. I also know myself well enough to know that I could not do it on my own as I didnt have the inner strength. I had heard about Suboxone on the same site I used to aquire online meds. I found naabt.org and this forum and with the encouragement of the fine folks that I met here, I made that call that would help turn my life around.
I also learned that this "miracle drug" was just a tool to allow me to do the work that was required for a sucessful recovery.
I then started to attend AA/NA meetings and at first I was very skeptical. My first NA meeting didnt leave me with a great/positive feeling because of the vibes I had received from certain members. I had found an AA meeting that was close to my house and the people seemed to be a "good mix". I thought I had found a new home group until one night I decided to attend a different NA meeting that was held on the same night. I attended that meeting and all of the sudden had a feeling that I found a group of people that I could REALLY relate to my addiction with. I now try to attend 2-3 meetings a week (sometimes more/less). I have only "shared" at one meeting that was small (5 members) and mostly sit and I listen. I have received phone numbers from other memebers but have yet to pick up the phone and call as I just can't bring myself to call someone I barely know (I need to work on this). I also have not found a sponsor because I still have a ways to go till I am ready for that.

Sorry for the long ramble, but I am glad to see this topic on this board. I am looking forward in participating in the "new chats" as the "old one" has been a huge part of my recovery.

IMO no one want to think they are powerless over anything. But step one is sooo important to me because I was the one who thought after sixteen clean years I would NEVER relapse. I was powerless and finally admitted to myself that I was. Going to meetings was futile for me, the stigma was so thick in the air it made me WANT to get high. Now, after working through a few steps, I've come to realize so much about myself. That I am powerless, and that my higher power, who is seeing me through not just one disease, but another as well is some of the backbone of my recovery. Thanks for the chance to work these without the signs of stigma hanging in the air. Hopefully I'll be able to stay awake for the chat. But I'm there in spirit.

Its pretty amazing how a few choice words can open doors. To me, that is one of the ways the program works: we tend to hear what we need to hear at the proper time. Step meetings are good for this. Everyone has different understanding of the steps, hence we all express our feelings differently. So many times I have struggled with different issues, then *bingo*, someone will make a statement that clarifies the whole issue.

It became painfully obvious to me that the disease was stronger than I was. This was completely logical given that my best efforts at control failed miserably. That drove home the fact that the disease was stronger than me (powerlessness). From there, accepting a Higher Power (for good) was a logical next step.

As to stigmas, they're unavoidable. I remind myself that many who faced far more painful stigmas than I have been able to recover. Anyone who takes it upon themselves to say someone doesn't belong needs a reminder that the only requirement is a desire to stop. It doesn't matter if we are kleptomaniacs, child molesters, insane, or (Lord help us!) on ORT....we all are entitled to all the program has to offer.

Our goal is to begin to help those wishing to work this step, get a start on it and then to use the message forum to expand on it, per each persons needs.

Please understand, the step will which is being worked on, during any given week will be addressed as it is taught in the Big Book of AA, but, without any stigma which can be ran across in some live meeting 12 step rooms across the nation.

Our goal is to aid individuals in finding their own workable paths to the steps, regardless of their personal beliefs, be that the belief that medical aids are important in their personal recovery plan or be that be if they simply are a non spiritual person and finds the spirituality of the program as a road block, in the past.

As we want to be true to the AA message and Traditions, we also wish to be open minded and have an open heart to help those who find worthy things in the steps, find ways to make the steps become a positive force in their personal recovery.

Tomorrow we will be focusing on step 1 ............. we will announce each week prior to the Monday chat which step will be discussed, as some steps will require more than one chat.

This venture is new to all of us, so please, be tolerant of each other and remember, the goal is to be productive and positive, while learning to embrace the steps with our own recovery plan.

We admitted we were powerless over alcoholÂ—that our lives had become
unmanageable.

First please let us understand that in each written step description where it states "alcohol" for our purpose here, we are speaking of the disease of addiction, period. No matter the drug of choice!

This folder, these chats welcome everyone, no matter the drug of choice!

Admitting we are powerless means that we are powerless in finding workable solutions to the disease of addiction on our own! It does not mean that we are hopeless or that we will always remain powerless in this regard.

Admitting that our lives have become unmanageable, again, it means that we cannot manage on our own finding workable solutions to this disease and that this disease has take control over much of our lives and at times all of aspects of our lives. It does not mean that we will forever be in this state or that the situation is hopeless.

For me the goal of working this step was getting honest with myself that I was powerless over this disease, that it had beaten me and that I needed help to change that. I had to let go of my ego and my false belief that I had workable solutions.

Reaching for help does not make us weak or unworthy. It means we are human!

Being unmanageable does not mean that we are failures, it means that we need to find better solutions! It means that we need the support, advice and help from others! Again, it means that we are human!

We need to first be honest with ourselves in a very deep and raw way and we need to admit that right now, this disease has beaten us, it is winning and we do not have the answers! We need to surrender to these facts and we need to surrender ourselves to accepting help from others.

If we can reach this type of personal honesty and reality, then we can take the first step in our personal journey of healing and victory!

I certainly never had issues with the concept of "unmanageable"....I was a mess! Of course, like many addicts, I placed blame for that on situations and life in general. It is SO easy to place blame on people, life's circumstances, etc. Part of this step is learning to accept responsibility for our own shortcomings and realizing that all we can control is our own actions...not the "people, places, and things" we have historically struggled with.

Hopefully someone found something that hit home. These three steps are mighty important, and a great way to jump in. Contemplate all you want, but what is more important is to simply do them to the best of your ability each day, especially number one. I've been around people who dilly-dallied over Step One for years as they delayed endlessly in an attempt to do it "right". We all have the rest of our lives for improvement, but all we have to work with is today.

When contemplating the steps, I would suggest reading the promises. Keeping those promises in mind helps us to stay motivated to do the work required to go through the steps. The promises describe a way of living most people only dream about, but all are available to anyone who continues to work the steps to the best of their ability.

Thanks toms for you input! You are on target!
Deanna, just think about step one this way: What happened in my life today that I felt powerless over? The steps are designed as a way of living. When working them we work them around our powerlessness with Alcohol/drug in the beginning. But, what we discover as we apply the information the steps give us about ourselves, is that we are powerless over people, places, and things too!
In the beginning this all seems foreign. But with time sober and others to guide us we start to learn to apply the steps to our daily living.
Does that make sense?
The promises that toms is talking about are on page 83 in the Big Book of AA. The last paragraph on pg 83 starts with : If we are painstaking about this phase......
Those are the promises of recovery! They really come true!

You could boil the whole program down to the steps and the promises. Keeping the latter firmly in mind was important to maintaining my motivation. Once we stop using our DOC, many of us experience a "honeymoon" period when we begin to re-experience life. With time, though, life's problems reassert themselves and the honeymoon ends. Part of recovery is learning to recognize the highs and lows as we seek to maintain an even keel.

Thanks toms for you input! You are on target!
Deanna, just think about step one this way: What happened in my life today that I felt powerless over? The steps are designed as a way of living. When working them we work them around our powerlessness with Alcohol/drug in the beginning. But, what we discover as we apply the information the steps give us about ourselves, is that we are powerless over people, places, and things too!
In the beginning this all seems foreign. But with time sober and others to guide us we start to learn to apply the steps to our daily living.
Does that make sense?
The promises that toms is talking about are on page 83 in the Big Book of AA. The last paragraph on pg 83 starts with : If we are painstaking about this phase......
Those are the promises of recovery! They really come true!

The things that stick out to me in the 1st step are acceptance-that I am an addict whos powerless, and surrender to the program. I think another important part of step 1 is being openminded to the program, and being able to get honest by addmiting your an alchololic/addict who's life is unmanagable.

True murphyluvnlife, accecptance of who we are is the first step to finding recovery. Without it we would surely die. I'll tell you though....I had to get beat up more and more before acceptance came to me! I fought this program at every angle! I SOOOO wanted to be different than YOU PEOPLE!
HA...the joke was on me! YOU PEOPLE saved my life! Taught me everything I know and still teach more with every passing year! Man I wish acceptance had come easier! I would not have hurt my family as much.. or me!
Good point! Acceptance is the key!

I might add the little cliche': "progress....not perfection". It is SO easy for me to find fault with my own efforts. I am especially prone to comparing how I see myself to what someone(s) *appear(s)* to be doing. Of course, when I do this, I almost never measure up. From there it is just a short step to "I'll *never* measure up"....then "life sucks", and finally "what's the point, I might as well use".

Even knowing my own tendencies, I can still fall into those same crappy thought processes. This is why it is so important for me to stay connected to my recovery program. Others who know me and some of my tactics can often see this stuff going on before I'm even aware of it!

Well, after reading Toms post, I got to thinking about how how "he was finding faults with his own efforts". And
"Ill never measure up". This made me think about how I try to be more humble now. Alot of my problem with addiction was always trying to be a "people pleaser". So, what do you guys think?

Hey guys....I'm a little late on this thread....thought I had a sponsor, but that didn't work out, so I still have none...but that doesn't mean I can't get into the steps by myself for now....Step one: I always knew I had a problem, but for me, I realized I was powerless not too long before I started sub the "legal" way... I had bought some suboxone off the street, and stayed clean for almost 3 weeks...then one day I happened to get a chunk of money....sat at my table staring at the money and my cell phone with tears streaming down my face....I truly felt an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other....finally I broke down and called my dealer for some oxy's...crying the whole time....I was crying as I snorted the oxy's....crying as i felt them kick in...and that was the moment I truly realized i was powerless...I had been clean for 3 weeks, the longest time ever, and it just took some money in my hand to ruin everything....so I began looking into getting into a suboxone clinic...which I did on aug.3, 09, and things have been great so far....

OOOPS So sorry Deanna....I have this huge party for 300 people on Saturday and every moment i'm not at work (my shop) I'm working on the last minute details! I just haven't logged in, in a few days!

Okay! Back to what's really important....That's You Deanna....here it goes. This is what I was told about humility.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less!
The people pleaseing is something alot of us have to work on when we get into sobriety! That is more of a self-esteem issue. Sometimes what happens is that when we only get accolades our whole life if we DO something special. We grow up thinking I have to do for others so I can feel good! (slef esteem) Or we people please because it makes us feel better than! By that I mean. Here is an example! A friend of mind sits around alot and never takes care of what needs to be done. Then she calls me up (in a crunch) and says.....Ang, I really need your help! Such and such is coming at 5:30 and I haven't got this done! Please can you come over and help me with it! NOW...I am busy! I have my own crap going on ......But, that's not what I say! I say: Ohhh okay! I'll be right over.
Now she has manipulated me. And I know this! BUT....what happens for me is this! I start thinking to myself. If I don't help her....WHO WILL? I start making myself real important! See....when I do that. I am feeling "better than" .
Now how this tie's into humility is this! I am NOT HER ALMIGHTY SAVIOR! I can say "NO, i'm sorry. I am in the middle of something and don't have the time. That, is being humble! Letting go of the out come! That is humility.

Thankyou! That all makes a world of sense to me. I have always had self esteem issues, well up until I entered recovery. I write about it alot in my thread, which is kinda my journal. I feel a lot better about the person I am now. I know I dont have to be a people pleaser anymore, I have learned that I need to love myself, and that has been a big obstacle for me to overcome. I so appreciate you taking the tme to write to me, I know you've been busy!!! Thanks Gotitang!!! You are very appreciated!Deanna

Ahhh I'm glad that helped! You are a sweetheart Deanna! I'm so glad that you are changing your life. This is a tough journey. Identify our character defects help us to be able to change them. But...there is no time limit on it! I know for me! I will be working on ME till the day I die! wink
Is there anything else that you want to talk about around step one? Powerlessness?

Thankyou! That all makes a world of sense to me. I have always had self esteem issues, well up until I entered recovery. I write about it alot in my thread, which is kinda my journal. I feel a lot better about the person I am now. I know I dont have to be a people pleaser anymore, I have learned that I need to love myself, and that has been a big obstacle for me to overcome. I so appreciate you taking the tme to write to me, I know you've been busy!!! Thanks Gotitang!!! You are very appreciated!Deanna

Deanna ............. I have always felt that if we are happy and satisfied in our own skin, then we don't have to worry about being a pleaser! It kind of takes care of it's self.

If we are happy inside, then that projects to others and can help them in their struggles as well.

I have found that the AA program brings us to that point.

You are doing wonderfully and I could agree more with what Tang shared, wonderful message!

Hi Angela! Hi Omike! Yes, I want to talk about powerlessness. I really want to work these steps. I want to really really mean it when I say I understand them and apply myself to them. Thanks again for the time!

So with step one, I will admit that I was powerless over drugs, and alcohol, and I could never quit on my own. I knew I needed some sort of help, and thankfully I found suboxone and therapy, and of course A.S. So, absolutely, one hundred percent.....I believe in step one.

Im at that point where i cant do this anymore. Im coming of a 7 day heroin binge. since last tuesday i have done nothing but run from my personal problems and smoke heroin. when things didnt go well with my boyfriend i ran home and smoked some H. but when i broke up with him or rather he broke up with me smoking it wasnt enough. I shot up for the first time, there is something so calming about the needle slipping into you vein but i know its not riht, i injected myself the first time and my friend said if it hurts i was doing it right, he was wrong so now i have a horrible scar and im hoping it doesnt abcess. im marked for life that a hard thing to accept. last night was the last night. I spent 4 hours in the bathroom trying to get a vein to register and i just couldnt do it, in the morning when i woke up and saw my blood and my skin i realised i have a problem i cant do this anymore i want to love my body not stick needles in it, But the pain from breaking up hurts so much... but today is a new day, i will make positive changes i will do my best i am fixing up my appartment and trying to make it some place where my soul lives not where i go to get high. I told my parents what i did and now they do not want to talk to me anymore and that hurts alot. im supposed to meet with my person so he can show me how to shoot up right its going to take all my personal streanght to say no and not show up but i think i can/know i can do it. Its just really hard because i was clean from anphetamines and oppiates for so long then when things got hard i went right back to drugs.

Hello sunishining! You posted here for a reason. You want to turn the corner and learn how to live without the needle. It is possible because you want it. You can learn how to live and deal with things when times get hard and you get stressed without turning to drugs. The first step is wanting to get help, and you have shown that. Now, what can you do right this moment to stay on track? Well, get yourself to a meeting, AA or NA and just walk into that room for strength. Then we can talk about finding a dr and getting you on suboxone and therapy/counseling. Check around your city and see if there are any clinics that offer suboxone treatment that you could go to tomorrow. If you let us know your location maybe we could help in locating one. If you are in a larger city you might be in luck there. Now, stay strong and keep in touch.

I'm considering going to a local meeting. Some of it is to just get out instead of living in constant seclusion. I've been to meetings in the past, but never go back after one or two meetings. So here is part of my problem.

I grew up in a family of atheists. Maybe you could consider some as agnostic. So one of my problems is a lack of faith. I feel this was a major shortcoming in my upbringing.

But I still believe we are not powerless and we alone are responsible for our actions.

There are several steps farther down the list that I have issues with, but I'll deal with that when/if I get to them.

There are a couple of NA meetings in the area so I'm going to give this another try. I won't be wasting any more time than I already do. So we'll see.

First in regard to the spiritual and/or religious issues, I have found that the atheist and/or agnostic can work the 12 step program just as successfully as the religious or spiritual. Naturally some minor changes need to be made, but, nothing which effects the end results benefits of the program and in reality, we each should be adapting and working the program to our own personal and recovery needs anyway. Though some in meetings try to project that there is some kind of right and/or wrong way to perfectly work the program, there really isn't. Sure there are some things not to do, but, they pretty much are for recovery in general.

Those I have sponsored who were either atheist and/or agnostic we used their home group members as their higher power. You see each meeting has home group members and the idea is, collectively their experience, strength and hope is greater than that of the single individual. This provides the individual a very real and usable higher power for which to rely on.

The faith we need to always have is faith in ourselves and faith in the recovery program which we have laid out for ourselves. From there and through the process of healing and working the steps some do have what they feel is a spiritual awakening or realization and others don't. Still, that does not effect the end result and the ability of the program to be helpful in ones recovery.

As for powerless, well yes you are or you would not be here on this site! The same with me and all of us here. You see when powerless is used, it is in reference to our ability to heal ourselves with no help from anyone or anything. Something which is very rare. But, it does not mean powerless in life totally. Nor does it mean that we are not accountable for our actions! It is true, we suffer from a disease and that disease does control us and we do things which we might not otherwise do as a result, but, we are still accountable and to be honest my time in the 12 step program helped me be honest with myself about that and learn productive ways to deal with it.

I hope this helps in some way. It's just my opinions or views based on what I have experienced.

oh I would suggest AA as opposed to NA again, as those in AA seem more accepting of medical aids.

Sadly, that is often true. So many of us tried repeatedly to find the "easier, softer way". For me, it was fear of what I saw as being a religious program, fear of making myself known to others, fear of the unknown. I was told almost from the beginning that this really was the "easier, softer way", but I insisted I knew better.

Step one is the price of admission we do not get it in AA we get it by repeated efforts of trying our own will.

Glen

I have battled with step one for years! When I first came to a 12-step program I was 20yrs. old. It was easy to admit I had a problem with the drugs and alcohol, but completely surrendering was something I couldn't seem to do no matter how much I wanted to.

Today I am back to step one, trying again. The one thing that is different is I surrender 'me' each morning, not just my addiction!

It's obvious my addiction is much bigger, stronger, and more powerful than I am. I can see this clearly today, and I have learned this by trying over and over again to control, taper, stop, whatever. Nothing has ever worked for long.

I miss my dear sweet Gizmo, my little baby for 16 years. A year ago she went on to kiityheaven.

Anyway, glad you posted on step one. Welcome! you are done and life can begin in earnest.
What example worked for me about surrender was a visual of myself hanging off a cliff in pitch darkness. The whole fellowship yelling "jump" it's only a one foot drop" I then muster all the fearlessness I have and take the plunge! To a mere one foot drop.

I knew for a very long time I had a problem and that I was powerless to my opiod addiction but I never realized how many other people knew that I had the problem until I had some very unfortunate things happen I didn't realize how unmanageable my life was but now that I look back on it I really see more clearly than ever how powerless and unmanageable my life really was I've been sobber for 3 yr this december and I joined this online group because I want every tool I can get to help me from going back to the way things were before and I am very greatful for this online support group because ive felt shunned by the aa groups in my community that I've attended