Letters I'll Never Send

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Every day I think of you, wishing that I could spend every moment by your side, living life. We’re closer than we’ve ever been; but we’re still miles apart. Sometimes, I can’t help but think back to that day when you broke my heart. Ripped it right out of my chest and just told me it was too hard. Too hard. I don’t understand those words. If you love someone it shouldn’t matter how far away you are. You should make every effort to feel like you’re with them. I know I do, and I try even today, but sometimes it feels like I’m just not good enough. You told me that you weren’t ending it with me for your own sake, but to please others. Your mom and your best friend didn’t approve of our distance and you just wanted to make them happy. But I thought…thought that you loved me. Doesn’t making me happy count for something too? Don’t I make you happy? I thought I did and I think I do now. But you have those thoughts, those moments, and it hurts. When you came and we acted like nothing ever happened, I tried so hard. But I still loved you. And all you could say was that it’s too hard. But you came, and now you love me again. How? I try so hard to forget those few days of hurt, to not bring them up, but I still feel it. You mean everything to me. You’re my world. I’ve made changes to get in a better position so that I can be with you. I’ve bought airplane tickets and I coming to see you, but you still think that I’m going to be gone. Why would I leave you? I’ve had so many chances, and you even ended it, but I took you back. Doesn’t that mean something to you? I don’t want to lose you just as much as you don’t want to lose me. I notice everything about you. The way you smile, your laugh, your hair, how you say things; I can’t get you out of my head. I’m always checking my phone hoping you’ve left me a message, and when I’m busy I drop everything just to respond back to you. They say that Disney World is the “happiest place on Earth,” but obviously they’ve never been with you. And I don’t want them to. I don’t want to share, I don’t want you to go anywhere. You are the one thing that I want to be selfish about. Because before you came along I had begun to run out of things to smile about. But now that I have you, I smile so much that my face hurts. You make me happier than I’ve ever been. And you make me think. Because of you, I’m taking steps that I never would have taken before. You’ve helped me through so much, I don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t been there for me; hadn’t shared that part of my life. I want to share my life with you; the rest of it. I want us to be together. That happy ending in fairy tales? That should be us, because I love you that much.