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About Me

Welcome! I’m an actress and blogger who lives in Los Angeles. I’ve accepted my fate that I have to chase my dreams (and document that ish along the way!) I give you my stories with all the luv and all the kiwi a gal can muster.

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i have spent four glorious days in middle earth (aka kansas city, mo) preparing and then executing the act of "get thy sister hitched and cry like a blubbering baby while doing it". (blog about this is coming!!!)

i enjoyed my time. no, i loved my time back home. my heart was beaming with the good stuff. pure joy.

this joy is a shocker considering i have battled the weirdest ailment known to myself: this weird urge to pee every 5 seconds ( i kid you not)

NO, it is NOT a UTI. NO i am NOT diabetic. (i have had both checked recently to verify this.) i just am WEIRD. if something weird needs to happen to someone, it'll most definitely happen to me. and i'll handle it weirdly...much like i did over the weekend. i slept a crazy amount of sleep and hardly drank or ate anything. swell, right? cranberry pills, holding it, sleeping thru it, wiggin out over it...nothing's worked. my doc refuses to answer his phones (joy!) and so i must wait until friday to figure out why my bladder is playing mr boombastic in my body.

despite my weirdness i STILL had the best time of my life. because i had such a kick arse time, i was hella reluctant to come home today. the plane (not only a torture chamber for those with pee pee probs) was shaky bumpy the whole time (a torture champer for those with fear of dying probs) AND i knew i'd be coming home to fires.

yes...the fires you see on the boob tube are actually affecting us in the valley. i came home to brown skies, soot covering my car and a sore throat. nice...

you smell that? it's the heavenly aroma of "why did i come home".

despite THIS weirdness i still managed to throw in two loads of laundry, download all my pictures from the wedding events, download some youtube yummies as far back as a year ago (i'm slow to the game-bite me) AND write this blog. i think i may also sew a hole i created in my purse over the weekend too.

there's just something about that big blue-eyed little girl walking down that aisle that has me weepy like a willow tree.

for once i'm thankful i'm not the one making the speech at the reception because honestly i don't think i could keep it together. when my sis was little i used to worship her. i thought she was just the cutest little thing in human form. she had this GINORMOUS texas twang...an oddly large vocabulary (think of the little girl from the movie signs--"the water's contaminated") and a knack for saying the absurd "i was thinking in my mind".

she'd sit in my room, reading the poems i had written as a kid and listen to the song i said was hers alone ("the most beautiful girl in the world" by prince). if i wasn't mentally torturing the poor kid with stories of trolls and adoption (we kind of don't look alike--see pictures below) i was building the kid up. i've always had this instinctual need to make her see what i've always seen in her.

now there's a great guy who's asked her to marry and when she walks down the aisle those lyrics will be dancing around in my head. isn't it great watching the ones you love, love and be loved?

on sunday my kid sis an gets hitched and i couldn't be more happy. it's surreal and lovely. and i pretty much know that she'll be the most beautiful girl in the world.

the beginning: she was known as "dondadrea" back then...nina (other sis) was a bit 'special' as well

so i'm looking for ideas on how to do my hair for my kid sister's wedding. i do like any nerd would and google "how to make a bun in your hair" and get this instructional video. i'm fascinated that ole girl narrator said i can secure my bun with a scrunchy...hmmm

i'm a doctor not a dork kirk! i swear people just don't ever show curly hair love. there's nothing out there. nada.

my hair adventures for middle earth wedding bliss continue on.

pasadena passes

so i promised my buddy i'd show him around my old hood in eagle rock (a tiny area right next to pasadena). i was already for some casa bianca pizza (heaven in slice form, i swear) and some fun shopping. we got neither of those goodies.

the shopping place lied on their web site. i raced the clock just to find out they closed an hour before i thought. doh! THEN casa bianca pizza had a sign up that read "on vacation until sept 8". WHAT?! since when do restaurants get to take vacations?!

the upside to all that madness is we've learned to go with the flow and seize the night. we ended up at one of my favorite spots in old town pasadena (mi piace) where we had not-so-nice service (but the food was yum!) then we took it to the streets in search of good dessert. OF COURSE this meant we had to go to 21 choices...i mean why stop with old school traditions at mi piace, right?

the peaches were frozen so i ended up with french vanilla ice cream, organic strawberries and cinnamon mashed into the mix. (can you say gobble gobble?) buddy went with french vanilla, strawberries, bananas and cap'n crunch cereal. i have to admit, that ish was goody goody gum drop good. mad points...

after that we hit up the book store and then made the chill drive home. we grooved to the verve remix. if you've never heard any of the verve remixes pick it up yo! great albums when the mood is chill and the stars out.

free 99?!so i went to go get my stinkin tire fixed today. (i swear someone messed with my ish because the little valve was slit and that's why it was flat) i go to the joint expecting to have to shell out stupid cash and low and behold they charged me zip zero (stingy with dinero). i seriously acted a dang fool. the man handed me my slip and said "ma'am you're ready to go" so i went to the line to pay and ole boy had to come back over and say "no ma'am it's free. you're good to go" i didn't even care that he kept callin me ma'am like i'm old...FREE?! wha....

i think free is the best thing in the world. free should be bottled and mass distributed to the world.

we are the champions

that's right...my running team WON! woo hooo!!!! in record timing too. we made it to vegas in 3 weeks : ) winning tastes good. i like winning for breakfast, lunch and dinner. uh huh. sure do.

i never thought i was a stickler for winning but something crawled up my butt and lit the ultimate fire a couple of weeks ago. i signed up a 4 person team to run 284 miles in a month's time. first group to hit 284 wins.

fyi my group rocks. we've remained in the lead the entire time. this fact warms my heart. it makes my feet lift off the floor and flap like a cartoon characters' feet do.

yesterday we found out we were in second place. ( i came down from that high with a thud) i swear some stupid team is cheating because we've consistently ran more miles than any other team...and all of a sudden this team has a 30 mile lead? i don't think so. three of the four of us went down to the gym on tuesday night and ran our little hearts out. one guy ran 16 miles. i ran 10.5 and the other chica ran 10+ (i haven't looked at her total yet) today i ran another 4 miles before work.

we are now in the lead (274 miles to their measly little 258). if we don't win i will seriously drop to the ground and die. just kill over. i've put my body through a strange and grueling process and that can't be in vain.

i feel kinda dope. it's not every day you push your body to its limits. while i'm sore as a mo fo and can barely keep my eyes open it's all good son. motivation has entered a new house. the house of pain...and i like it.

twilight venom

so i'm pretty much obsessed with the twilight book series. ( i think more than half of the population is) so you can imagine my delight when i found out that sephora has created a product called twilight venom. somebody upstairs loves me.

i may be on a budget. i may be refraining from buying anything and everything (with the exception of food and toilet paper for my bum) but i WILL have to buy twilight venom. i need the venom. who knew?! basically anything with twilight attached is "a" ok fine by me. heck if there was twilight hemorrhoid cream i'd buy it...i'd put venom under my eyeballs to keep the puff away if i could get it confirmed that it would make me more bella-like. you think i'm kidding don't you?butt infatuationsi just asked how to spell hemorrhoid and folks in my space started laughing. apparently i talk a lot about my bum and things related to the bum. tooting, butt twitches, hemorrhoids, boils on the butt of humanity...yeah, i could see how they'd think this. do you think freud has a theory on this phenomenon?

tooting on your own horn is fine and dandy i guess but honestly i can't figure out for the life of me how i acquired ex boyfriend glue.

what is ex-boyfriend glue you ask...

well it's just the little issue of all my exes coming back at some point and saying "awww, tish you were such a great nice girl. i miss you"...it's crazy uncanny and you'd think i'd be used to it by now but it still amazes me that these crazy fools have the nerve to pull such an act.

recently the beloved facebook we all worship sent me a message from someone using a false name. this false-named mcgee ended up being my first 'real' boyfriend in high school. the first guy who ever punked my arse basically sent me a message wanting to catch up. hmph.

i can't lie...i accepted his facebook friendship because i wanted to see if he was now fat and ugly (just keepin it real!) but alas the dude had nothing on his page...not one darn thing so i unfriended him. i'm cold like that.

when he figured it out that i had cut 'em he sent me a message asking why and requested my phone number. um...no! i punked him a bit and sent him on his way.

there's a reason they're exes but like little oblivious cockroaches scurrying from their cracks they never die. they always come back!!!

you'd assume since i'm over them this wouldn't phase me...that it wouldn't even warrant a post BUT you assume wrong. how do you keep moving forward when your past keeps slithering back? i need some serious ex-girlfriend raid. la cucaracha, la cucaracha...i'm not sad to see you go!

for as long as i've been at this darn blasted company of mine i've seen THE most gully of animals take over my place of employment. when i say the squirrels here go buck buck i mean it. yesterday as i was entering the building i saw one such squirrel chillin in the middle of my path. i thought the little stinker would move as i approached but he just sat there and looked at me like, "what trick? what are YOU gonna do?" (i ended up going around him. i, the human, went around a tiny cute squirrel with mad swagger)

the same goes for the gangster birds and the ducks that chill in our fountains like it's a flippin pond. while most of the time i dig the dang birds (it's actually cute to watch them with their little ducky babes) i do occasionally curse their very presence. if the wind starts blowing and the water from their lovely make-shift pond flies up and tries to enter your mouth you'd be cussin' too!

there's always an upside though. of course we have to learn lessons from everything that comes across our path. ducks are the best at lessons! did you know that when two ducks get into an altercation they'll flap and beat the ish out of each other and then politely swim apart, flap their wings to release the heat and then they're done...for good?! the argument is over. no grudges, no "you took my man i hate you foo!" stuff. it's squashed. it's a lovely lesson we all should practice because seriously, life really is uber short.

new lesson of the day!

so this fine morning i see the ducks doing their thing and i realize it's all girl ducks chillin in the water. and i realize it's been that way for quite some time. usually it's two girl ducks and i wonder if they're lesbian ducks and i've got the coolest progressive pond in the hood but today there's a grip of the ladies doing their thing and i wonder if they've just figured it out that when push comes to shove we need our girlfriend time. more girlfriend time than man time possibly. don't get me wrong. i dig dudes a lot. i have a crush on the cutest guy in the whole wide world. (i'm willing to bet on this fact) all i'm saying is it's good to have our girlfriends around. my momma always said our girl friendships are what keep us afloat during the times when our menz our actin' a straight up fool. (and they will...even the sweetest of men burp the alphabet, metaphorically speaking, at some point in the game)so hooray for new duck lessons. learn from the duck. be the duck. be quacktastic. it's cool. promise.

FRIDAY night involved a cousin, buds, a birthday and an interestingly smooth dance place called zanzibar. there are some days that go by so quick. you forget to take it easy and enjoy the pace. before i knew it my fam bam had already driven up from the beach and we were on our way to pick up the boys for a night on the town. with a new dress and newly acquainted friends, we hit up a cool little 50's diner followed by the zanzibar (it's only right to give it "THE" status...the place definitely had some memorable characteristics)

we danced and drank. drank and danced and got so darn hot and sweaty we had to leave and go walk the streets of santa monica. you know it's a good night when you can sit outside with your friends in the cool night air and recover from dancing your butts off.

SATURDAY involved another southern cali friend trekking up to my place of residence for a night on the town. we went to the kings of leon concert and had a blast rockin out to some of the best live music i've ever heard. we punctuated the night with roscoe's. my bud dana had told me about an infamous waitress there who went by mama and low and behold she just happened to be working that night...an older woman with spunk who loves to sass people into quick ordering. we ate and discussed life and la...dating and careers. it was the perfect night for two gals on the town. i slept better than i've slept in a really long time.

SUNDAY we HAD to hit up jinky's for some pumpkin pancakes and other goodies. i had to stinkin' work so my gal and i parted after grubbing. i handled the job-aroo and then met up with another buddy for a mini adventure around la. neither one of us are really la experts so we've made a pact to get out there and see this city of ours. today involved taking my first la train ride. we ended up down around the staples center where we ate good food, did some good site seeing and enjoyed being young and newbie.

overall i'd say it ended much too quickly. this was a weekend filled with rich conversations and great memories. those weekends always seem to fly by. i think if they went any slower we'd never go back to the real world.

friday pics:

Saturday quotes and pics:

kings of leon @ the forum

on our way! this is when we noticed we were "out the box" chicks.

pretzel smiles: ole boy who sold us the food over charged. never trust a man who looks up and starts to mind count.

it starts to fill up but seriously it didn't get packed until right before they flippin went on. people were seriously working some major cp time

our beautiful tickets: we straight sprawled out and enjoyed the concert old people style

Quotes

"i don't need to kill anyone""here's the box. here is dana and i outside the box""we're the only ones""is your nose bleeding""19 dolla hoodwink""i don't think i know who they are. who are they?" (the whigs apparently)"i don't know what instrument i'm playing in the air but i'm playing the shit out of it!""lap funk? i don't remember lap funk"

over the years i've met a slew of cool moms that i think are pretty much the kiwi's fuzz but i can honestly say, beyond a shadow of doubt, my newest bud "lil big sis" has the number one spot when it comes to being world's most gangsta mom.

lately this woman and i have become signifcantly closer and so she's felt comfortable enough to share her mommy stories with me. (by the way, she's given me full permission to blab these stories to the masses)

one example of gangsta mom behavior:

gangsta mom texts me and says "you can have the baby for free if you act fast...otherwise i'm selling the little jerk on ebay". the reason for this text? the baby had smiled at her...then casually crawled up to her on the couch and without warning slammed all of the food on lil big sis's plate to the ground. hence, the "little jerk" nickname.

today she shared another great story with me. i shall let you read:

me: i need to do a post about you some day soon. how about i admire your parenting manor...how you call the kids jerks and stuff...but i'll make it sound nice so folks don't call child protection services on yo behind.

gansta mom: ha!!!! that reminds me...when my husband's brother was staying with us the middle child and i were playing around and i was like "stop middle child before i f*ck you up..and she was laughing and trying to touch me with her coodies and his brother's face was like oh my God, what did you say to her?! me: LOL!!!

gangsta mom: i was like what? oh, that i was gonna f*ck her up?...come on...who doesn't say that to their kids? lol

the thing is she's full of these stories and seriously her kids LOVE her. i caught up with all of them once at the strawberry festival and while she's definitely the cool calm chill mom she's still totally "mommy" when she needs to be and they know it.

the baby was smiling and coo'ing in her cute little stroller and the other two weren't twitching a bit...

i think she needs her own reality tv show. people need to spend a day in the life of gangsta mom. watching her handle situations while simultaneously potty mouthing love to her mini me's could make the world a better place.

without giving away a darn tootin' detail i'll say that i recommend this one definitely for the masses at large. you don't have to be a sci fi geek to enjoy the genius known as district 9.

everyone kept telling me to see this. it's gotten nothing but great reviews from my peers at large and the facebook community is going buck buck. if you're still on the fence i shall offer my personal review: a description of my actions post movie.

basically d and i sat in the car afterwards and he brought up the very last scene (which affected me for a COMPLETELY unrelated random reason lol)...and when i say my face contorted into THE worst crying face i could ever imagine. he kept talking, not realizing that my face was pruning and my body was shaking with spasms and it got worse and worse. i cried the ugly cry ya'll...i cried that ugly cry you don't want anyone to see cry. when d finally realized i was spazzing he began to taunt me like the emotionally void male that he is. robots i tell ya...they're all robots...

ugh. i'm exhausted now. i sat on the edge of my seat (literally) with my hands covering my mouth through a good portion of the dang thing. finally a movie comes along this year that has heart tugging, thought provoking potential...THANK YOU neil blomkamp for writing the ish of all ish.

the acting is really good, the subject matter is interesting to boot, the "gore" people speak of isn't what you think (don't think rob zombie or quentin tarantino)

yeah, yeah, yeah...all you gourmet chefs out there i beg you to simmer down.

it's not that i don't like it but i don't know if i love it either. i mean every time i eat a bunch of it my stomach freaks the heck out, throws its arms up in the air and jumps around like the holy ghost just don't care. (basically my tummy starts to hurt)

i like for my food to have flavor. i don't like the smell that refuses to leave the room, your clothes or your dang mouth. garlic definitely buddied up with halitosis at the beginning of its inception and decided they'd be bff's forever.

a hint of it is perfectly acceptable and welcomed. why then dear friends did i set up an outting to the stinking rose last night? (because it's one of those la gems you always hear about. i swear it's like adventure week on crack!)

so we went to the lovely restaurant (which by the way you do NOT need a reservation for on a wednesday night) and sat down amongst walls and walls of famous celebrities from years and years who had been to the stinky joint. the place doesn't stink to high heaven by the way. definite perk...

we grubbed on their famous appetizer--this yummy bread served with a soft garlic mish mash thing (lol!) that was so yummy i moaned. my bud got this great fish dish that was more lemon than garlic and i got the lasagna that was pretty darn tasty. nothing was garlic-tastic either...everything was seasoned to perfection...just the way my tummy likes it.

it was a bit pricy for the iddy biddy portions you get but i figure garlic dishes as leftovers would make the fridge a bit gnarly so this could be a good thing. we had fun drinking our wine and beer but did NOT enjoy the garlic ice cream...i mean you HAVE to try the stuff but man when i say the garlic in that crap will knock you over the head and have garlic fire coming out your throat...it's not pretty. the moment the stuff hit my lips i knew i'd need some major altoid help. ice cream should never burn folks...lol NEVER! but again...it was an adventure...ya gotta try it at least once!

the atmosphere is uber cozy so we got in a lot of good food talk and giggles. i'd say it goes down in the history books of great la adventures. if you're ever in la ya gots to go garlic yo!

coffee addiction implies one is cool.,.refined...chic...and very very big kiddish.

oddly enough, i hated coffee for years. up until the invention of the starbucks frap i thought all coffee tasted like burnt water. then those yummy little fake coffee drinks came along (you know those puny little whatever drinks that are more sugar than java?) and out came my weaker side.

it started innocently enough...one here, one there... a buzz here, a buzz there. those damn sugar infused java beverages changed the game up and sent me straight to the land of gateways. pretty soon they weren't enough...so i moved on to the stronger stuff like real caramel fraps from that vile coffee shop mentioned above. machiatos and caramel lattes followed and then after a year or so i moved onto quad shots of espresso. GASP!

this year i was introduced to the new and final hotness-iced coffee from mcdonalds. mind you it still bathes itself in caramel but i care not. it's close enough. there's real coffee in there. i see them pour it. (them being the staff at mcdonalds on erwin street...them also being my dealers and the inhibitors of my demons)

these drinks force me to wake up 15 minutes earlier than i normally would and drive my little behind to the golden arches and sit in a drive thru line. i do this every.single.work day.

why you ask? because work is a boring ball of boo boo. to compensate for this i chug caffeine to keep my head from plummeting onto the keyboard. (this has happened before. one time i even dropped the phone for a conference call ...it was embarrassing. phone droppage and embarrassment are not my cups of tea either...no pun intended har har har)

studies show coffee can actually be quite good for you but i doubt those studies are referring to my sugar with a bit o' cafe. my coffee babies (the drinks people) are bad if you're currently working on that 2010 banging body. not to mention, my sleep beast is slowly becoming immune to the one and only round of mcdonald's heavenly goodness, which means i'd need even more sugar delight to stay awake...not good.

because of these factoids i have chosen to switch up the coffee madness for some green tea. this is not the best idea i've ever come up with.in fact just writing this post is making me grouchy. i want my mcdonalds coffee and i want it now!!!

the first day of project ween wasn't pretty. i pulled up to starbucks near my job and all the spots were taken except for one. score! i started to roll in when BAM! this crappy dude in a utility van bogarted my ish and looked at me like i was the crazy driving loon. i clutched the wheel while simultaneously flailing my head and screamed not so nice things to the man who kept me from my fix.

don't EFF with a chick who's weening herself off coffee jerk face! i wanted to cry and scream and throw hot coffee...coffee i couldn't have. this is what the smarty pants of the world like to refer to as "withdrawal".

i thru a coffee-deprived tantrum and burned rubber out of the starbucks parking lot in search of another. luckily for the world at large i found one pretty quickly.

so now i'm on day 3 of green tea...unsweetened plain ole green tea. life is cruel and unsatisfying. i know this now. if anyone can rationalize why i should get to continue with my medium iced caramel coffee addiction please, please, please let me know. until then i'll be in a corner, butt naked, twitching.

it's been a while since i've picked up a book of poetry (brings me back to college) but a couple months ago i grabbed this from barnes.

i didn't realize that the whole book is about divisions of love but it is lovely nonetheless. the guy's good. i suggest checking it out.

"she stuck a bookmark in my heart and walked away"

zen koan

so i was reading an article about new moon in the ny times when i came across a phrase/word whatever! that i had never read before, "zen koan". so of course the brain went ga ga and started researching it like a mad woman. how absolutely lovely is it to know there are questions out there that are designed for one purpose; to open the mind that has been closed by habitual responses to the world and reality. basically they cause your mind to go wonky trying to explain something seemingly irrational. how tasty!

it's been a long time since i've been brave enough to sit with myself and shake up my thoughts and beliefs. maybe i'll find someone that's good at poppin' out zen koans and get my inner fix on (on a more consistent basis) heyyyyyyy

have you had your perfect day yet? at some point in our lives we'll beam light and radiate happiness until our faces hurt...i always knew this and saturday i actually got to experience it.

from the top:

friday was not a good day. work dragged and i experienced an unfortunate situation that left me really feeling for a friend and questioning my perceptions of the world (who's happy and who's not--wanting someone's life and finding out no one has it easy, etc.) it freaked me out so much that saturday morning i woke up in the most fowl mood one could possibly ever be in. i could cry at the drop of a hat. not cool.

of course that meant that everyone in the free world was pushing my mean buttons. i about ripped off my dentist's receptionist's head for reminding me (for the 4th time) of my appt for the day. i got there (spitting fire) and was totally prepared to tear everyone there a new hole in the area that rarely (if you're a good girl) sees sunlight.

i grumble because i learn the woman who hurts my mouth like no other will be performing a deep cleaning on me that requires numbing meds...this doesn't suit me so well so i start complaining to the doc and her that they hurt my ish every time and i'm not in the mood to starve for 2 days while my gums heal. they seem shocked by the obvious fowlness (i usually come in quite perky) and assure me i'll be ok.

the woman sits me down and starts talking about the same cooky nonsense she always talks to me about which has me boiling immediately. she stops, looks at me and says i'm packing some major bad energy and begins to lecture me about certain books i should read and chants i should say (i am the light, the light is me). at first i find her new age mumbo jumbo annoying enough to pop her a good one but it starts to sink in after a couple of minutes. i loosen my fist that's ready to strike. i laugh even. it totally works! she's right! being joyful IS better than spitting hateful moodiness. something inside me changes and i'm a brand new gal.

i left the appt smiling...no longer ready to pounce on the office about never coming back. i decide i will continue on with plans to go to the beach with a buddy and life is from that point perfect.perfection reached:

so my buddy comes over with sunglasses and towell ready. i pack some blankets, a couple of snacks and some drinks in a cooler and we head off to dockweiler state beach in playa del rey.

we stop for lunch and see marlon wayans. (my buddy has yet to see a celebrity in la so he is on cloud 9.) we jam to reggae with the windows down. we talk about anything and everything. the sun and wind dance around us in perfect harmony.

we arrive at the beach and make nice with acting friends i've met along the way since moving out here. this is where the good stuff really takes off. there's a huge group around a bonfire and it becomes the perfect setting for meaningful talks and good times. we decide the fun shouldn't end on the sand. we want seafood...good seafood so we pack up and set out for some grub.

we literally have no idea where to go or what to do so we decide just driving down a road is necessary. we come to a quaint little coffee shop that reminds me of some place in my college town...young guys with lip rings and big smiles greet us and shoot the ish while our java brews. they tell us to keep driving down this main road in front of the shop and assure us it will lead to our next adventure. we're down so we skidaddle. sun's setting, coffee's good and we're now listening to a beach playlist i created on friday. jason mraz, colbie and jack johnson croon on...

we wind up in hermosa beach and decide this is where we will find our seafood joint. we park and walk for a while until we find this awesome little fish shack off the pier. we find a high table and grub on calamari, fish & chips and yummy blackened fish tacos. we drink good beers and make nice with the fun waitress.

after the grub we decide we're still up for the good stuff. we hear music pumping from another part of the shack so we follow it into a dark room booming old school hip hop. we promptly remove our beach hoodies and move for two straight hours on the dance floor. we laugh hysterically coming up with silly moves and old school favorites. life pumps thru my veins with a force i've never quite felt before and i realize we're having one of those celestine vision moments that i used to read about. we let the day have us and it took us along the perfect path to good times.we left the club hot and happy and drove up the 405 happy and content, both agreeing that today was THE perfect day.

i hit my pillow with a smile on my face that was still there when i woke up on sunday.

i'm not usually miss spontaneity but that crazy lady from the dentist stirred something inside me. i'll remember this weekend for years and years and i'm confident it will bring a smile to my face every single time.

if you would have told me this time last year that i'd be running me little arse off (literally), training for a marathon, chillin in the gym at least 5 times a week and actually interested in things like muscles and bmi's i would have laughed in your face and told you to stop letting my agents talk you into project "tighten tishy up".

today i did something i thought i would never do. i took a yoga class.

ya'll don't understand. if you're familiar with anything mediation-y then you know what it means when i say the monkey in my brain took some crack and sprinkled it gingerly in a can of red bull, shook it up and pummeled it into its mouth like one would on a mountain dew commercial. (j's been trying to get me into yoga for YEARS...no luck)

i can't focus. i can't chill. i can't yoga. those were my excuses.

the new tish was determined though. i have to prep for marathon training or i won't make that ish this january. i set up a work out plan (mondays-abs & legs class, tuesdays-treadmill runs and weights, wednesdays-run on treadmill for speed, thursday-yoga, friday-run outside distance, saturdays-weights, sundays-REST!) and by golly i was gonna stick to that darn plan.

...and then today i got sick. i FINALLY figured out what the heck was wrong. i've been taking fish oil supplements for my joints (running's hard on a sister!) and they had expired...and i was doubling up because i'm dumb like that.

so the bloody nose...the nauseated thang and all those other great ailments i described in a previous blog make sense now. i stuck it out at work even though i wanted to go home and crawl into a hole just so i could stick to the stinking plan... i ran 3 miles (1 outside, go me) and then did yoga. :)

i have a guy buddy in the class that was giving me a hard time. i had written him and asked him if this class was gonna kick me into the ground considering i felt like ick and had no clue what the heck to do in yoga besides downward dog and that's just because it's in every chick flick scene known to man.

he told me i'd be fine and then warned me not to yoga on him. (he's a funny guy buddy, did i mention that?)

i really didn't yoga all over him though. i kept up pretty well. i'm actually proud of myself. i smiled thru the whole class. yoga is pretty dope. it really is a great work out. ole girl teaching (speaking slowly...calmly...in a whisper lol) was RIPPED with muscles so i trust the process. i sweat profusely, i did what i refer to as a yoga push up correctly and i only giggled at my awkwardness once.

this isn't a class for crack head goofy girls...i had to keep telling the monkey in my head this. i felt calm, strong and straight afterward. yes, all from that one hour class.

my green mat and i have decided we'll stay in yoga. we've decided that trying new classes is cool and totally empowering because lets face it all those people knew each other and had already taken the class weeks, months, years before i could even mutter "nomaste". my mat and i have also decided we will not dress like we did today. big over-sized t shirts and baggy shorts that go past your knees don't really work for you when the teacher tells you to stare at your belly button. WHERE WAS MY BELLYBUTTON DAMN IT! (monkey in brain goes wild)

the monkey attack was not enough to deter me from the zen like smile that i walked away from class with though.

i kind of like this new me. i like trying new things even though i'm terrified of going to new places alone. i like that upward dog pisses me off and that cobra is a perfectly acceptable alternative. i dig that she says yoga is a balance between strength and flexibility. (if you're too strong you're stiff and if you're too flexible you can't do ish--my words not hers).

i like it that i already have goals to master all the different poses and breathing techniques.

it's a new tish indeed.

this is pre yoga anything. now i know that putting your hands near your heart is part of the ending lol. this is all i know so far...first you put your hands near your head, then heart and then you're done baby cakes. nomaste.

i just came across a really delectable delight. i was scrolling through the profile of a good buddy, reading up on his favorite whatevers and found that there are countless cultural goodies he now finds to be worthy of favorite status that i shared with him.

(i.e. i gave this dude mad influence)

it's kind of nice to see your cultural influences rub off on another human being. is this why people have kids? people pop out a couple so that they can spit some mad knowledge... they'll listen to the same quirky music and read obscure books...

i like seeing a little bit of the things i love pop up in the lives of those i've met along the way. somehow we leave our marks on the people around us. i feel like a sweet little puppy, raising my proverbial leg and sprinkling the world with tishy goodness.

sometimes secrets can be so meddlesome, don't you think? if they are yours, they're secrets for a reason and not the easiest to share but there's something GREAT about being cool enough with someone that you can open up and whisper.

there's also something pretty darn cool about being the one person hearing a secret's first dance in public land (public land = out of the head of the person holding it hostage and into the head of the receiver) if you don't believe me watch 500 days of summer. there's a whole section on what a secret can do for the human heart.

i got secrets today. they're mine and mine alone and i will cherish the thought behind them wholeheartedly (and twirl when no one watches...ok i twirl when anyone watches but you get the point i'm trying to make, right?)

secrets change the people you tell them to. if you understand the full magnitude of the trust someone has invested in you then you should feel pretty darn special.

my heart kinda expanded a bit...total grinch style.

have you ever noticed that songs about secrets are always, ALWAYS sexy? 3 kiwis for madonna, alice smith and maroon 5...GROWL!

i need to take a moment to honor my inner fitness diva. i've come a long way folks...

my company has its own gym and occasionally this gym comes up with contests to move the masses into action. the current contest is a race to vegas. basically we group into fours and we run or walk. whichever team gets to 284 miles first wins. we have a month to do this.

of course i had to pick all the runners i've ever tried to compete against downstairs while i'm doing my thing. i got one marathoner, one triathlete (FROM KANSAS PEOPLE!!!) and another gal who i've noticed running AFTER our abs and legs class (this is no easy task my friends)

so yesterday was the beginning of the contest. my goal was to run 3 miles (start out easy) but jersey was talking MAD ish so i had to bring it. i knew i had to push myself. i got on that treadmill...saw dudes from other teams get up beside me, smiled and took the heck off. 3 miles like it was nothing. stopped to take my hour abs and legs class (complete with power lunges, planks, massive amounts of squats and painful ab work outs) then got BACK on the treadmill...knocked out 3 more miles of running and one mile of walking.

rewind: i felt a cold coming on that morning, battled a case of some weird stomach issues (think dumb and dumber or charlotte from sex and the city...i'm just saying!), RAGING PMS and randomly enough, a damn bloody nose right before class.

everything about my day screamed "crawl into your bed and never get up foo!" but the competition was calling and i couldn't ignore it. don't tell me i can't win...i laugh at doubt. ha ha!

i left the gym feeling pretty darn good. i sang ladies night by lil kim. yes, the windows were down and yes, i DID rap her naughty parts of the song...LOUDLY. afterall, i was a bad mama jama. i completed 7 miles and got in a killer class that left pools of sweat chillin on the floor near my head.

i felt soooo much better too. a miracle considering i was a nasty lunatic pretty much the whole day. j and i shared pain i say! we vented "snarl" for the better half of the day and complained that we both needed mental vacations from life as we know it. i believe at one point i asked her what drug i could abuse to make my life look cool. she recommended crack. yes, it was THAT kind of day.

working out seriously changed all that. i've known this little secret for awhile but when you're in the midst of a major funk it's pretty darn easy to talk yourself out of a work out's magical side effects.

each swig of my water...water in, thoughts of singlehood sucking OUT. water in, thoughts of craptastic work day OUT. water in, thoughts of bills OUT...ahhhh. who knew water could be so therapeutic?

i think today i was smitten with working out. considering i was previously seeking crack to end my dismal suffering i'd say that's a pretty good turnaround. maybe working out is the new crack?...

3 cheers for tish, fit bottomed girl mcgee.

please take a moment to notice i now have definition in my arms AND that sweat covers my whole darn top. i'm proud of that sweat. darn tootin' proud.

i swear i've convinced myself that i look and act smarter when i do one of the following three things:

1.) wear my glasses out in public. it's a well known fact that folks with glasses look they have some brains up there in their noggins. my glasses, these clunky black rectangle specs, are my magic accessory when i partake in smart people functions that involve nerdy cool stuff like poetry, obscure music and subtitles.

2.) listen to npr. there's something about national public radio that screams, "i'm a cool nerd, hear me think". i just caught a great story about a guy who dated a girl who was also dating half the men at their college. he ended the piece with this profound, dark and deep sentence about doing whatever necessary to be a part of the world you love. it was awesome and even better that my neighbor sat in his car beside me listening to my program (i couldn't turn off my car until it was over). i'm getting mad props for being smart by the neighbor that probably, more than likely assumed i was a hoochie mama because every time he sees me i'm with a different dude (unfortunately all just friends) but still...my hoochie points have gone done and smarties are up. i mean hoochies don't listen to npr...duh. i love it.

the #1 reason for loving la so darn much: fantabulous early movie releases. i saw paper heart and now tiny green hearts are sprouting from my head.

no spoiler here so you can keep reading. : ) all i'll say is it's a movie for everyone. if you believe in love, if you don't believe in love...it's just a sweet honest flick. (ironically enough you'll spend the entire movie wondering if you're watching something real.)

i think charlyne yi is a new hero. she's a quirky interesting hilariously dorky chick who somehow missed the memo that girls should be self-conscious and mind controlled like a sheep or lemming. (i.e. in a robot voice--as a girl you must aspire to make people think you are cute, hot or beautiful and that is it.)

she's effortless on screen and endearing to boot.

if and when it comes to your town i recommend this movie. you'll get oodles of cool points, you'll have something to discuss for long periods of time around the water cooler (which heck, means less work) and you might learn something about love that leaves you patting strangers on the back as you leave the theater.

friday i woke up in the best kinda way and went to the wrong kind of place.

i was summoned to jury duty.

while i'm not a moaner and a groaner i will admit the act of participating in jury duty exhausted the shat out of me.

fact#1: jury orientation speeches get me a little choked up. i kind of lose it when they bring up the part about maybe some day it'll be you falsely accused. you'll have your peers there with impartial ears to hear you out...TEARS OF FURY, OBEY ME! DO NOT GIVE ME AWAY!

fact#2: even famous people have to serve. it's true. the orientation guy told me that celebs are constantly flittering about the court house (pee wee was a juror a couple of weeks ago) and this makes me just that much cooler. it's rare that i get to be on the same playing field as the ones that live with acting success and magical accomplishment. i dig it.

fact#3: duty is great for indulging my need to people gawk and evesdrop apparently. one woman was singing the whole time...weird songs that had everyone giggling under their breath. some napolean complex shorty with a big mouth couldn't get off his iphone. (even though orientation dude specifically told us not to chat on our phones in the jury room because good people were trying to sleep--like me!) apparently he couldn't tell scarlett he loved her enough for adding the final edits to charlie's scene and he especially worshiped her for locking down the location. in case you didn't get it...he wanted everyone in the room to figure it out that his whack little behind was someone important. if you didn't gather this from his loud conversation then he'd provide pacing at the front of the room just to hit the point home.)

i read some from girl with glasses (for all those who were basically wearing glasses in the womb this book will feel like home) and slept with my head down in my lap...very uncomfortable and i'm sure very weird for others to behold.

i walked to the moca over lunch. looked at some lovely photography exhibit and then ate lunch at an art school nearby. it is here i introduced my tummy to a most delicious beverage, the honest ade. totally recommend the cranberry lemonade. mmm good.

i did not get put on any panels (woo hoo!) and we even got to leave early but now i sit at home, watching reality bites for the first time and i can barely keep my eyes open. i tell ya, being an upstanding citizen definitely tuckers you out.

my internal jury is out to lunch on this one. how is it that i get to miss work (the place of infinite boredome, dispair and life suckage), people watch, have lunch at the moca, read to my heart's content and i STILL do not enjoy jury duty?

julia roberts lays in bed, eye-to-eye with richard gere. quietly she opens up her heart and tells him, "people put you down enough, you start to believe it".

he tells her she's a very bright, very special woman and she says, "the bad stuff's easier to believe".

long sigh...the bad stuff is easier to believe, easier to gravitate to, easier to be swallowed by but that doesn't mean it's a sure bet. i'm amazed at some of the strength that pours out of people in their darkest of hours. true optimists are a sight to behold and i'm just now taking in the fact that maybe, just maybe these types of people have been put in my life for a reason. maybe i'll learn and it will save me. i feel like maybe today it did.

3 women:

1.) i read a woman's story (you may have to sign in to read it) about how she refused to accept a request to tear her family apart. she declined to accept her husband's pain as her own. he flung hate and she lovingly stepped out of harm's way and kept an unfathomable love going. she approached her situation with a vigor i've never heard of and stuck to it. i describe this to you like it's simple. i apologize. please don't be fooled by my writing's hang ups.

2.) work gossip couldn't keep a dear friend from speaking to me and finding out if rumors were true that i couldn't stand her. (someone actually told her this...to her face!) it broke my heart. there are seriously people in this world that pull things out of the air and i have no idea why someone would intend to inflict that kind of pain but this woman was amazing enough to come to me. she was beaming light and layed it out there, cleared it up and we ended the conversation with i love you's. she could have told me names. she could have dwelled on the poison those people were telling her but she chose to focus on something she loved.

3.) my b. she continues to amaze me. she just radiates goodness. i mean GOODNESS people. i've watched her battle for years and years with bad. people slinging hate and mountains of weird and twisted misconceptions of what is and isn't reality and she comes out every time glowing more and more. we had a long talk today and i'm still not all right with how much she truly has to deflect but that doesn't stop me from being in utter awe of the power she possesses. she is a force to be reckoned with.

the stories aren't meaningful because they somehow involve me (the first one definitely doesn't.) they're meaningful because i witnessed something new and wonderful on other human beings...i just witness and admire. i'm an emotional sponge ya'll. it's really hard for me to sit back and watch people getting pummeled by bad things. the fact that people intend to inflict sadness leaves me a bit emotional.

i'm crying as i write this because i've witnessed more than one person's ill will today and if those people's intentions were aimed at me i swear i'd break in two. there's a common thread linking the women aforementioned. they didn't get mad...they didn't get upset. they are not phased. they did not allow it to mangle their characters. they embody strength and kindness. they are light, the absence of all things dark.

i know all of us have our bad days and we definitely will encounter times where we feel like it would be easier to just accept the bad but i think our greatest moments are the battles we fight by dropping our scorn, ill wills and hate.

when the universe stops moving in retrograde the good will be easier to accept. in the mean time i have to always remember to fight for it...i see what you become when you take up that philosophy and i personally want to glow.

can’t get enough of them. in fact, i get quite perturbed and go thru withdrawals when my favorite writers don’t post daily. (it’s better than that crack addiction i kicked last year so don’t hate.)

the other day i totally took another hit of my luv. i stumbled across a photography blog that seriously makes my hand balloon and float off into the clouds. here's the scoop as i see it: photographer takes pictures of folks in love and gets inspired. starts taking pictures of what he loves. i’m a bit obsessed with this man’s eye and the fact that the whole darn blog focuses on taking pictures of two subjects i find to be quite adorable. some of these pictures are so dope you can't help but suck in breath.

an hour of last night was spent gawking at his work. i will probably, more than likely gawk again today. if you’re ever in the mood to see perfection in photography form (at least in my opinion) then check out this blog.

so yeah i'm just gonna go ahead and say that i'm not a struggling actress trying to make it in this stinky sunshiny town...

i'm an actress dealing with an acting furlough. i've been asked by mr spielberg to take some time off without pay. he promises me this will only be temporary.

i got "the call" today. i missed it the first time actually. me, miss optimist olive, decided the crazy digits flashing on my phone had to be a wrong number so i went about my business. the voicemail icon popped up though so i took a listen and heard mr big shot from mr big shot production company talking on the line about calling him back.

gulp.

when i say i spazzed a bit i lie. i had a cow which promptly stood up, moo'd, then popped out cheese.

i hate it when people give me teasers about a story and then fill it with stupid long details so i'll just skip all the hibbedy doo and say the guy was disappointed i didn't have real work experience.

(in case you didn't know this isn't a nice observation that proceeds a contract negotiation. nope...it's just your standard kiss of death.)

sorry folks. i didn't have that cinderella moment where the guy thinks i have potential, sweeps all notions of experience under the rug and promptly hires me for his next big shot film. he told me to send my resume (sad little thing that it is) and head shot to him and he'd help me try to find a manager...which would then try to help me find work. this i realize is better than nothing. i mean helps help. it's rare to find someone who willingly will dish it out to a stranger.

sigh..the ups and downs of acting or enough to pickle any chica green. after i hung up i gave a long drawn out sigh and went back to creating excel spreadsheets and tending to life as i know it. like i said, i am an actress with a furlough issue. but some day alice... TO THE MOON!

if i wasn't lactose intolerant i'd have a vat of ice cream in front of me right now and a cheesecake to chase it with. i hear dairy goes nicely with disappointment.

it' s basic knowledge that most girls can self-diss like no other. esteem is something little girls are taught to run away from (while waving their hands like they've squished a bug) and so you can imagine my surprise when i came across a bit of self love this weekend. oh no it was more than love...i'd say it was flat out twitterpation with myself.

if folks didn't know me any better, they might take me for being a big-headed fool.

it all started on sunday when i got the notion to date myself. i figured i was pretty groovy and could definitely show myself a darn-tootin' good time so i took my behind out. we went on a hike (after all the person i date has to not only want my heart but support its need to beef up) and did some other sweet stuff that made my heart go pitter pat. it was the perfect date. it didn't stop at the end of the weekend though.

oh no i took that mess to work and spent the whole day telling ian, my cubby buddy, that i rocked. i rocked because i knew how to date myself like the best of 'em. i rocked because i made sizzling hot playlists. i rocked because i am a clever minx TO THE BONE...yes, ian may be suffering from bleedage of the ear canals but it was worth it! (at least for me)

i've seriously become twitterpatted with myself and i don't want that ish to go away. most days i'm criticising the mess out of myself...in the history of me it's nice to finally hear some positivity swirling around in that mass between my ears.

at one point i even commented that everything in my life rocks...even my fruit choices. (pluots rule).

my big headedness may lead to ian poppin' a gap in me arse but i care not. i'll enjoy the love as long as it lasts...loving yourself is fun man!

I dig squeezing heinies. It’s a weird tick I have. If I see a booty in front of me, I immediately get the urge to squeeze…male or female-it matters not. my mom loves to scream at me when I do this to her but I know she secretly loves it…it’s my way of saying “hey I think you’re cool. honk honk”.

I am obsessed with reading the ny times wedding section. I seriously swim in the delicious journalism that Sunday article provides me. in no way shape or form do I personally want a wedding but I dig hearing about couples and how they met and how they’re wedding was cute quirky perfection. It makes me want to swing around lamp poles and tap dance a little.

I dig asian boys. Always have my whole life. I think it’s my mom’s doing. She said to me as a small kid that one day I had to grow up and marry an asian boy to keep the mixes going. it stuck.

THIS is the weird fact that will be the focus of today’s blog dear friends.

I realize there are some obvious problems with me digging this specific brand of boy.

I’m usually taller than mostI rarely see a guy with his arm around a mixed chick (if you catch my drift)

This isn’t fair by the way. I had a little date day with d yesterday and I voiced my frustrations about being left out of yet another secret society.

I questioned the poor lad and asked what a gal has to do to let it be known she wouldn’t be opposed to dating someone with asian persuasian.

D’s advice was to start hanging out in boba tea houses and karaoke joints. (I hate karaoke with a passion and refuse to participate…Maybe that’s where i goof up.)

But honestly… is that all?! two spots could guarantee a hot asian boy date? Obviously d is holding back (as usual) because I swear there’s gotta be some stamp I must place on my forehead that signifies I’m open and ready to date…like a monkey girl who shows her bum so the male monkey will know she’s ready to handle business. All I’m saying is pick the lice off me foo! Sling some pooh my way!

Sigh…is it because I’m not cute and petite? are ginormous girls a no go? I’m shrinking guys! I lost an inch according to the trainer at my gym…does that add to my appeal?

Whatever...

I’ll let ya’ll know what happens. I see lots of boba tea in my future.

there are days i seriously want to jab my eyeballs out i'm so bored. those are the days that lack creative umph. today is not one of those days.

today i woke up seriously with a smile on my face ready to get out and skidaddle. i woke at 6:30 am (sans alarm...i know sometimes even i annoy myself) and went for a hike. la sleeps a bit longer on sundays. the marine layer (normal people outside of cali call this fog) seriously blanketed everything in my neighborhood and i felt a cold i haven't felt in months. no one else was on the streets...it was just me and my city.

the hike was difficult for me (i haven't done it in a couple of weeks and my butt reminded me of this immediatly after hitting the first hill) but not even 5 minutes into the darn thing i witnessed an amazing event. i saw, for the first time ever, an actual tree hugger. i have NO clue what the girl was doing but one minute i saw her coming down the hill and the next she was hugging a tree. i wore a baseball cap that makes it impossible to people watch unless i tilt my head in that frat boy kinda way (which is only cute when boys do it so i don't) so you can imagine my surprise when i basically walked right up on her hugging the tree. she seemed really happy and it totally tickled my fancy so more power to her. it was serious the best thing to get my giggles going today.

once i reached the top i had a thoreau moment. i mentioned before that the marine layer was off the chain. all through my hike it was hiding mountains and buildings...i couldn't see more than a couple of feet in front of me at a given time. once i reached top it became magnificent. i stood there and looked into pure thick grey...usually you can see the valley and cars and houses in the hills...there was nothing. no sounds, no other people on the trail...just me and this massive amount of grey. i happened to be listening to this beautiful song called "bibanke" by asa. it was a perfect moment, one i have to remember to hold on to.

i can't hike without visiting the farmers market so i did that (no more cherries this season) and then came home and made a deliciously scrumptious breakfast wrap with spinach, eggs and mango salsa.

i couldn't have imagined a better sunday.

now i'm waiting for d to wake his lazy arse up and go to the movies with me. today is funny people with adam sandler. i have high hopes for this one. i have a feeling it's one of the ones that will remind me why i've always wanted to be an actor. maybe some guiness (the irish in me is bursting out i tell ya...i'm even reading a book about ireland right now.)

some days i sit still and tears just pile out of me. i'm just overcome with joy that the days have so much potential and beauty. it's a weird phenomenon i admit. some times i get a bit scared because i feel like my heart will burst with happiness but the fear doesn't last long. these days are what i live for...i tell ya.

bree was my very first bud i kicked it with in la.in the beginning we were quite broke. quite...(say this with an english accent)to compensate, we'd eat really bad cheap food and watch videos at home.taco bell alone saved both of our minds from the perils of insanity.now every year we join forces, eat cheap food, and watch flicks.

this routine, anniversary, tradition (whatever) helps us to remember the cute hopeful girls we once were. it also gives us the opportunity to catch up on any and all drama we may have missed out on.

there's just something about our friendship that leaves me all nostalgic and teary-eyed. she knows me-the actress and i know her-the director. acting HAS to come up in our conversations...directing/writing/theater too. i've never had a friend trying to swim in the entertainment pond like me. it's hella cool. i dig.

after lunch at jamba juice (they have food now ya'll!) we went to this cute little place in burbank called porto's. think french meets italian meets spanish. there's simple chandeliers and lines chalk-a-block full of hungry patrons dying for a bite of some disgustingly fantastic pastry.

proof there is a God: this pear thing was so good..i got lost in it. i think i might name my first born "pear thing".

bree demonstrates what heavenly potato balls will do to a gal. (please note: bree was held at gun point and told to give me orgasmic pose or die)

this was the best bread i think i've ever gobbled. carbs were there to help with our wine consuming. the fact that the ish was off the chain was bonus.

we were watching feast of love...only right that my feast could participate

i tried the potato ball...like butta

behold!!! the potato ball. i might just marry this little guy (or at least the maker of this little guy)

bree is telling her roommate her eyes deceived her. she knew not when ordering that her cinnamon bread would indeed be bigger than her head.

this is the face of a girl just finding out the boy she thinks is hawt is indeed a child and was recently in that return to witch mountain movie. thanks bree for that tiny rip in my heaven