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philly, queen and mtd will be pleased. so will my therapist and the majority of my friends.

tomorrow i will begin the conversation to end the conversations. afterall is done i will stop feeling guilty.

you've seen the posts. you've known the situation. should i stay or should i go now? i am open but would like to leave. he's a good guy, we're just not good right here and right now. maybe later, but not now. and not because of me, because of him. its been over a year and he still needs time...

we had sex vday. a week later he told me he was single. that was our one year whatever. apparently i was confused cause after xmas i misheard "we're worth a third time."

thats been playing through my head...along with the subsequent im single remark. and im tired of paying his cell bill and him not calling me back. talk about adding insult to injury. can you say par for the course? thanks again for all of your support. if i stay or if i leave (cause he already has left and i need to grow a pair and acknowledge ME) i still appreciate your feedback.

You know what you should do -- and you sure as shit know what the majority of folks on these forums think you should do (although, frankly, why you need our input is beyond me).

I have absolutely ZERO faith that you will follow through on your plan. You seem like a wonderful guy with a big fat blind spot for this idiot (the fact that you expect us to hold him in "high regard" speaks volumes.....)

If you are going to do it -- do it right now -- this second and begin to live again.

I have shared my experience with you before - and I too have gone thru the whole phone deal (well, actually he paid his bill, is was more a matter of me being willing to answer to answer no matter what and him not answering, no matter what - even in the "good times") -- I took him to to the ER and waited with him 19 - 1/2 hours til he was admitted --- when I went to the ER a week later he didn't show. Then, with him knowing I was at the ER - he wouldn't answer his phone for any updates, etc. -- Anyway, u know the deal and it is difficult. My dad once told me that if two people are into a relationship there is nothing anyone can do to end it -- and if just one person is not into the relatonship, there is nothing the other can do to save it. Time to bring it to a conclusion -- at least within yourself - if nothing else and accept that it isn't there any more and make the appropriate adjustments that reflect that. U know --- I think you have a great smile.... U can always do a quick rebound relationship w/ me

You know, I have been there done that I have a box full of tshirts from my experience. I have learned that sometimes for your own sake you have let go of the negative in order to flourish personally. My cell bill is due soon, and I am single. kidding. I do understand what you mean to be emotionally attached to someone, but get nothing in return. I am sure he will come back around when you end it dysfunction works that way, stick to your guns. D

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Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. Calvin Coolidge

Even I am tired of this Insane Clown Merry-Go-Round. And as much as this sordid affair speaks unkindly of Mr. Gonorrhea, it should also speak volumes about the OP and... uh... underlying issues that cause one to indulge someone making that comment I just quoted. And I say that with kind intent.

Next2u you know what you have to do, so do it, you deserve much better than this, STOP CHEATING yourself, and selling yourself short, it's a waste of time, and too consuming, and THIS TIME, make it so, no more forgiveness, and no more taking him back, it's a vicious-cycle, that will not make you happy in the long run, life is suppose to make you happy, get off the rollercoster ride

« Last Edit: March 02, 2010, 11:08:34 AM by denb45 »

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"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

wow...i woke up this morning feeling all wishy washy and came here for support and boy did i get it. i have my notes for the conversation...

things are still on. my peeps tell me i should at least have a conversation before bouncing. the conversation aspect seems two-sided, i think i should be more concerned with myself then him at this point (afterall, he is more concerned with himself).

part of me just wants to walk and cancel the cell and let him find out that way...but that's mean spirited and i do care. i said a lot of things at one point and im trying to hold true to them seeing as how ...whatever. thanks again...you'll have an update soon.

no skeebo, he does not own the bikes...so i guess thats another no, hehehe.

but the car he does drive i was instrumental in helping him get (not financially). it took forever and a day but after many conversations and much searching he finally chose one. he was about to leave the dealership and i told him to sit his ass down and get the fucking car. he did, he may have anyways. i suggested the dealership as well (in all fairness, it was me and his brother who recommended the dealership).

i guess i just have to silence these nagging doubts. the "you've put so much work into this" and "he just needs more time as do you...wait it out". followed by the "you may not find anyone else anytime soon" and so forth.

hopefully the brain kicks in and responds "yeah, but you've got to know when to cut your losses, ie...damage control", "you have all the time in the world to be happy" and finally "you may not find anyone else but damnit you'll find yourself"...

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I agree with the posts above, you need to end this relationship. It might not feel like the right thing right this minute, but when it does kick in that you have allowed yourself to be treated so poorly, you will be kicking yourself in the ass. I have been in similar situations and let me tell you it isn't pretty

Keep talking to your therapist about why you are allowing yourself to be treated in such a way. Get to the root of the problem and work on it. That will allow you to have more healthy relationships in the future.

I guess it's normal to try and make the best of a bad situation, no matter how self-destructive it might be. When you're done with him, you'll be done. Doubt that starts with a poll though...good luck, all the same.

Next2u you will find someone else, find someone who's more financially independent, responsible, and more like you, (guess what, that's a very fun challenge, isn't it) I think that is what you are seeking, besides who wants to baby-sit someone, it takes a man, to be a man, and another man to find another man........ at least that is the way our Gay-Male-pop-culture go's, right? that always worked for me I never wanted to take care of someone, but, I always wanted to take care of each others needs, a relationship can NEVER be one-sided , and you know this

« Last Edit: March 02, 2010, 02:50:31 PM by denb45 »

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"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

D, why do you keep doing this to yourself? This man is not worth a cell phone bill (even if it is just a $9.99 family plan) or any emotional expense.

Oh, and when Michelle sees this thread she is gonna give you a virtual kick in the ass. Count on that fact.

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Well, if you're still paying for his cell phone, I don't see this ending anytime soon. And yeah, D, you do deserve better. You know how much he really cares (zip). Now care about you. Otherwise, soon you may be starting threads about this, and not getting any responses, because people will get tired of it.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I do not know the history but I recognize the situation, yearning for a love had or imagined physically hurts, tolerating that pain , accepting that however strong your love is it is never going to be strong enough to change him into the partner you want or glimpsed in him....... you know the story.I hope you get yourself to a point where you put up with the pain off giving up your hopes for him. Good luck. m

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"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ." Tony Benn

Please leave him...love should not be agony.I know its hard...it took me time to leave a relationship in which I was putting in a lot, always thinking he will change and see me for the wonderful person I was...it was agonising...the writing was on the wall and I refused to read it for a while...when I finally did, and told him it was over, its been one happy ride for me. I am still single but happier than when I was with him...

well, here's a pathetic update. i climbed to the top of a hill overlooking my city tonight. i needed to go for a walk so i could talk to him. prior to the walk i attended a sober living meeting in support of a friend. it was rather enlightening and i decided to take some of the advice (see below).

i called him. he didnt answer. he called me back but i didnt notice. i called him again and we began talking. a knot slowly formed in my stomach as i searched for the words to say. how do i begin? how do i address fears that all of a sudden became very real?

i took the cowards way out. i broached the topic multiple times but did not bring it to fruition. i told him i was scared of losing him...that i needed to talk to him...that i was thinking of my future family and did not know what it would look like. yet i was too cowardly to take it there. and he was too whatever to acknowledge where i was going.

i had to call a coworker back so i ended the 45 minute call and told him i would call him back in 15 minutes cause i had to talk to him. he didnt' answer. he asked me "about what?" i told him "when we get there we'll get there" and he said "well good luck with that" and that ended the call.

during the call he dropped some stuff on me about his day and that made me kinda hesitant. but oh well. i just called again now to no avail...as usual.

D, I think Pete's got a good insight there-you're addicted to the situation. When someone wants to break the addiction cycle, they don't "taper off" drugs or booze-they have to "stop." Completely. What is this talking going to accomplish? You going through more shit and heartache? I mean, just reading your last post, it doesn't seem he's interested in your needs at all. You know the saying-"fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me," and all that. You're responsible for your own emotional well being. If you keep dragging this out, you're going to keep hurting. Either end it, or accept it as it is, and stop complaining.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hi D . I hope you know in your heart why people react in such a strong way when you reach out for advice on this relationship of yours . Its personal to those who have experienced this kind of relationship before .

Allowing yourself to be treated this way will certainly have profound effects on who you will or can be for many years to come unless you are willing to do the hard work to end this cycle of abuse .

Its been 10 years since I ended my unhealthy relationship and I still have dreams at night . Its my subconscious way of trying to work out what I thought was done years ago .

i will try again tonight. i Will do what i can after work cause it's a little bit too much to deal with before a work day. funny how yesterday i thought i was ok and could take this all in stride.

after that brief and unsuccessful convo i got acid in my stomach (which i still have), obsessed about him all night and woke up through out the night. here i am .. up early cause i couldn't sleep wondering where he was last night when i should be wondering how am i gonna walk.

i still don't think he's a bad person...we had a lot of good times. but things have been staying on the wrong side of t he equation for a while now and i find it hard to quit. im scared he wont have an emotional reaction and somehow that will be indicative of how much he cared (of course this is a euphemism).

fuck...the sun is coming up. i hope to have very few days like this over the course of my lifetime.

going through my situation with my therapist (who loves most of your comments on this) he has stopped me lately and asked me if i ever listen to myself. rereading this thread (and the others) leaves me wondering why i continue.

i dislike how it sounds and characterizes me. if i were on the outside i would give myself much of the same advice you all have given me.

dude...the stomach acid may have been from the spicy food last night, lol.

btw, just cancelled his phone. he can pay for it himself. it'll be off tomorrow...

gives me enough time to acknowledge the strip down of our whatever and enough time for him to get himself another one...or whatever. i do still like him a lot. .. just acknowledging what he has been saying...he's single...we're friends.

i'll have to pick up the phone and my apt key on a later day. i have a feeling this will end on a cordial note.

dude...the stomach acid may have been from the spicy food last night, lol.

btw, just cancelled his phone. he can pay for it himself. it'll be off tomorrow...

gives me enough time to acknowledge the strip down of our whatever and enough time for him to get himself another one...or whatever. i do still like him a lot. .. just acknowledging what he has been saying...he's single...we're friends.

i'll have to pick up the phone and my apt key on a later day. i have a feeling this will end on a cordial note.

That's a good first step. Hope to hear more good news about this situation soon

"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

going through my situation with my therapist (who loves most of your comments on this) he has stopped me lately and asked me if i ever listen to myself. rereading this thread (and the others) leaves me wondering why i continue.

i dislike how it sounds and characterizes me. if i were on the outside i would give myself much of the same advice you all have given me.

i sound: trite, petty, repetitive, unproductive, wasteful, weak...etc

It's simple darling. You have low self-esteem. This is why I've repeatedly recommended committing yourself to being single (in addition to breaking off this destructive relationship) until you address the underlying issue.

Breaking this relationship off is the easy part -- it's just a symptom if you will. Addressing the underlying cause will be the hard part.

when i told him the cell would be cut tomorrow he kinda got really emotional...more emotional than any other part. he actually said im go get another phone right now ..i have to go...bye. before he hung up i said well be sure to give me your new number....

then he said he would mail me the phone and apt key. i told him no, we should meet in person seeing as how you want to be just friends (and no, the sex doesnt make it confusing, its the fucked up communication). he said no still and i asked him to drop it off at my friend's house near his work.

i waived his debt to me. i guess it's over. damn...this may be shitty in the morning....i will miss him and allow him his space. thanks again for all your support through this.