I remember how was it like to blog those days. Something like a weekly ritual. It's amazing how much thought and emotions I can pen into my blog in a week and somehow I get this satisfied feeling whenever I finished blogging.

I'm not sure what make me stop.

Maybe the increase in my workload? Or maybe I'm just too lazy to blog? Or maybe my social life has just went up a notch?

Who knows. Anyways, I want to say, Hello world, i'm still here :) Like a diary that have ran out of fashion, I wonder whether blogging will to one day?

You know how some girls paint their nails to all those pretty colours, stick on fancy things, write fancy words. Simple manicure and pedicure, french manicure to elaborated ones. Ever wonder why? Maybe it's too draw attention to themselves, let people admire the best part of them, bragged about how much it cost. But beyond that, isn't a pretty manicure a shield to what those nail beneath really are?

We paint the world the way we want it to be and so in the process, we paint ourselves. We paint our emotions and sometimes we paint ones to cover up the what we really feel. Beneath all those smiles and laughter, maybe there's something more.

We paint it, to cover up our fears, we paint it to show the world we are ok. Sometimes we paint it so that beneath all the happiness, one day we will really feel it. Happy once again.

Maybe the strain of my activities and studies has make me kick most of my blogging habit.

But somehow, when i started reading back my blog post one fine day, I realised how much I miss blogging. It's like a frozen memories of my thoughts and feelings at that point.

So I decided, no matter what, even if it's once a year, I should try blogging my thoughts down.

I guess, reading back those post, I feel that I have grown up a lot from the previous years.

I'm more mature in my thinking and I basically know how to handle situation pretty well . Whether it is family, friends or even relationship.

I miss a number of people dearly. Yet somehow, I have stumble on some who will fill those gaps though it might not be in the same way, they will definitely play a part in my journey to discovering life.

One year has passed already. This year, a lot of things begun and ended. First, i'm finally in University. It seems so surreal. I can still remember back when I was in standard 2 thinking to myself, one day I want to be a doctor. I'm finally getting closer to my dreams.

Do you think you can actually turn back time? Cause if I could and I could see myself then, I will tell her,

"You're one step closer everyday, just never give up."

Or maybe she'll be telling me instead whenever i'm in doubt,

"May, it's going to be a long road ahead of you, but look, I never gave up on my dreams, why should you now?" :)

It's a start of something.

Having said that, every events that happened last year was also part of what makes me, Me. So here's three cheers to the May of 2009!

Being human, we all have fears. Things we can't help but be afraid of eventhough we know it is safe. We are still afraid. Like fear of heights. No matter how many strings are tied around us, we still fear it.

Most probably because it is something beyond our comfort zone. Something that no matter how many coaxing by others, if we are not willing to conquer it, there's no way anyone can change our mind about it.

The month of December is known internationally as the World AIDS month. This is the time of the year where volunteers not only try to reach out to those who are facing this struggle but also to reach out to those who believes that knowing nothing is better than knowing and those who are afraid to even speak it's name.

HIV does not discriminate.

Today, 15 of us went as volunteers to Wangsa Walk, A shopping mall somewhere in KL to try to increase awareness within the community. I think the most enlightening thing was to actually listen to the people talk about HIV and to see their response when someone wearing a sandwich board written "I'm HIV positive, Will you hug me?" approach them.

Probably the best thing anyone can learn from here is that fear is a big element that blocks understanding. Don't deny, if someone mentioned that they are HIV positive, eventhough you put on a "It's ok" front, hundred of thoughts are running through your head. You're are wondering "Did I drink anything that person drank," "That person hug me recently, do you think they could be somewhere I could get infected then," "Am I infected already?"

It's alright to fear scared. It's actually normal. But running away is not the solution. Stigmatizing is not the solution. It's facing it, learning about it and trying to help people who might be infected by it.

Sometimes, the best way to learn is to work closely with this people.

Just like heights, as soon as you let go and jump you realize that the only thing holding you back is you.

It's almost 2 month plus already that I entered IMU. I had two weeks of orientation that stretches until 10 pm sometimes and things now are pretty hectic for me. Not that we have long hours of lectures, but i'm not adapt to running around so much after 6 months of holiday.

Anyways, let's talk about my Orientation :) The first week, we were place into 12 groups. I was in group 8 and I didn't recognize any familiar names there. We had our first ice breakers the next day but first we had to meet up with out seniors who will be guiding us throughout Orientation. They were call the OO's. (Orientation Officer)

When we first met up with the rest of the group, all of us were pretty quiet. I think we scare the seniors and each other cause we were all so uptight. I was thinking, "Oh no, am I in a group where no one is interested in orientation?" That was when they came back to us with loads of Mcd's for each of us. The seniors took their own initiative to buy food for us, and that was when we warm up to each other.

So the first Orientation game was wet ice-breaker. (Thank you Mei Ying for letting us come over to change in your house and also for the slippers!) While they were setting up the basement carpark for the wet ice breaker, they started us of with the bomb game. If i'm not mistaken we were Vietnam, and the thing is, NOBODY bomb us except for once! so lucky ho? haha

Later they shift us from the lecture theaters to the auditorium where we played another game and eat some food. Haha, it was hilarious and oh so embarasing. I never want to do anything like that again in my life!

Wet ice breaker was the BEST!! I had so much fun with my group :)

The next few days, we had no orientation but we spend almost every day together planning and working on our props and banner :) And then on Friday, we had Indoor treasure Hunt which was fun but scary. Imagine trudging IMU in the dark at night and having seniors popping out and chasing you :) We had to huddle together to get everywhere and i'm serious about the huddling!

Outdoor treasure hunt on Saturday was tiring. I think it's cause we ran all over Bukit Jalil park :) The thing is, I thought they'll be a little tougher on us, but they were quite nice :) Haha, in one game, we had to shield one of our teamates with our body while another person solve 3 maths question. For every question not solved within the given time, they'll pour something on us. Luckily we got it good cause we got a Maths expert :D Haha, but we kena once la, cold Maggi mee XO eekk!!

The next week was PACK! Classes at 8 in the Morning and Orientation till 10 every night! I get back around 11 sometimes. I pratically miss a lot of dinners :) but it was Fun+Extreme! Dress code, Telematch, Variety night and finally finale night :D You don't know what you miss till you feel it ;)

Telematch (Find me!)

Wet Orientation

Outdoor treasure hunt

To Infinity and beyond :)

Medic life is tough. I get scared sometimes but i'm going to do my best, pull through and have my share of fun living a Uni life. I don't need a big campus, all I need is a place I want to be :)

Lyrics♥

lying down, underneath the stars thinking about the way you looked into my eyes and told me how you feel i dont know if my heart and mind are singing the same tune need to know coz within me is a mix of fear, a little thrill

can't believe what i feel is real feelings that's hard to conceal i would hold you in my arms if you were mine forevermore

you and i♥ i never thought i'd fall for you the best thing underneath the twinkling stars my heart desires to be close to you so you can take my hand and embrace me now minimizing all my fears and i know that all my doubts will disappear there's nothing to conceal it's real

and i tried, i cant seem to get myself to think of anything but you i keep falling deeper but it gets sweeter too everything, every single thing about you touches my heart in a way i have never felt like this before, it's real

can't believe what i feel is real feelings that's hard to conceal i would hold you in my arms if you were mine forevermore

you and i♥ i never thought i'd fall for you the best thing underneath the twinkling stars my heart desires to be close to you so you can take my hand and embrace me now minimizing all my fears and i know that all my doubts will disappear there's nothing to conceal it's real

can't believe what i feel is real feelings that's hard to conceal i would hold you in my arms if you were mine forevermore

you and i♥ i never thought i'd fall for you the best thing underneath the twinkling stars my heart desires to be close to you so you can take my hand and embrace me now minimizing all my fears and i know that all my doubts will disappear there's nothing to conceal it's real

Hush now don't you cry There will be a better day I promise you We can work it out But only if you let me know What's on your mind

Baby, you thought it was forever Through any kind of weather

But some day you will find what you're searching for Try again Never stop believing Try again Don't give up on your love Stumble and fall Is the heart of it all When you fall down (down) Just try again

Smile now, let it go Hey, you will never be alone I promise you If you can't fight the feeling (Oh yeah) Surrender in your heart

Remember love will set you free

Baby, you thought it was forever You would always be togetherBut someday you will find what you're searching for

Try again Never stop believing Try againDon't give up on your loveStumble and fall Is the heart of it all When you fall down (down) Just try again

Baby, when a heart is crying Its sometimes feels like dying The tear drops fall like rain

Baby, you thought it was forever You would always be together But someday you will find what you're searching for Try again (ooh yeah) Never stop believing (oh no) Try again Don't give up on your love Dont' give up on your love baby)

Try again ( just try again) Never stop believing Try again Don't give up on your love

Stumble and fall Is the heart of it allWhen you fall down Just try again.. :)