I overshare so much it’s embarrassing. I don’t know why I do it. I’m just way too open about personal stuff. Like everyone at my last job knew all of my diagnoses, even my eating disorder (which isn’t physically obvious). Looking back I cringe so hard thinking about how obnoxious and annoying I am by telling people literally everything about myself. I want so badly to stop and be more reserved, but get me comfortable enough and it all just spills out and makes everyone uncomfortable.

I’m just sitting here thinking about how my therapist is always trying to help me feel better by reassuring me that emotions only last for 90 seconds... but that’s not reassuring at all. I can feel that same shitty emotion for hours. Even as I’ve worked on my behaviors, the emotions and thoughts are still constantly there, and always cycling. But all of my emotions (but esp. the bad ones) linger for a really long time.

Yeah, maybe... idk I was just really taken aback by waking up to all of this with no warning. I’ve only had 2 hours of sleep and to be woken up with all those messages and her just showing up threw me majorly off.

So. Everyone in my family knows that I’m a night owl. I’ll wake up around 7am on weekdays to say bye to my husband before he leaves for work, and then usually go back to sleep until 12-1 (I’m disabled and so do not work). On weekends, my husband wakes me up with a quick breakfast so I can take my meds, and then I go back to sleep. This is known to all of my family.

Well this morning when my husband woke me up saying my sister was here. I was super confused because she doesn’t drive and our parents had church so I knew they couldn’t have brought her, and the busses aren’t running and she’s too broke for an Uber or lyft. I checked my phone and had 7 messages from my younger sister.

“Hey.. you awake?”

“I’m bored as fuck and don’t want to work on homework.. wanna chill? Feels like forever since we’ve really hung out.”

“Okay don’t hate me but I’m going ahead and walking over. I know it’s far but I feel antsy and the walk should help me mellow put before I’m there”.

“So I’m at Safeway. I got a free coupon on the monopoly thing and won two free donuts. What kind do you want?”

“Okay I grabbed a maple bar and a buttermilk bar, and I grabbed a crueler for [my husband]. Be there soon-ish!”

“Damn people are driving crazy out here. Some guy almost ran me over while I was trying to cross the street! Oh btw my eta is about 35 minutes”.

“I’m outside..”.

She came in my room, said surprise, and handed me the bag of donuts. “Pick one!” Barely awake, I just stared at her and was like “dude WTF did you walk all the way here? I would have went and picked you up”.

“I tried messaging you but you never responded and I felt the urge to just get out and come over. Are you mad?”

“..... not really, but I kind of didn’t want to hang out today.. wish you would have waited for me to see the messages so I could save you the trouble”.

“..... oh. Um. Okay. Well I guess I’ll just head home then. Sorry I didn’t wait. I didn’t think you’d have a problem with it.”

I felt like a complete and total asshole and said “dude come on I’m not letting you walk all that way here and not hang out. I just wish you would have waited so you didn’t walk all this way.”

She started shaking her head and put the bag of donuts on my bed. “No, it’s okay, I should have waited and I’m sorry. You can have the donuts, they’re too sweet for me anyways. I’ll just go ahead and go home, I don’t want you to feel obligated to hang out if you aren’t feeling up to it.”

I said “come on [sister], I’ll hang out, even if just until mom and sad get out of church and they can come pick you up.”

Me: “ugh okay well at least have [my husband] give you a ride back home. I’m not letting you walk all that way back.”

Her: “dude no it’s okay, if I can walk here I can walk all the way back home.”

I got mad and said “[sister] don’t be stupid. Just have him take you home. It’s freezing outside”.

Instead she just left shaking her head and walked out. I asked my husband to go pick her up and drive her home, but he said no. I want to go pick her up myself, but I’m terrified of driving on ice/snow in my truck after a horrible accident I had awhile ago. I’ve been texting and calling trying to get her to come back over, but she’s not answering.

This has ruined my day and made me feel like a major asshole. Am I?

tl;dr: sister showed up unannounced (since I hadn’t read my texts as I was asleep) with donuts after walking 6+ miles in the freezing cold, expecting to hang out. I told her I don’t feel like hanging out and wish she’d waited to actually ask me instead of walking all this way. She got upset and insisted on walking all the way back home despite my husband being able to give her a ride back. AITA?

With friendships I’m the same, as opposed to a relationship which I do place more emphasis on contact and need to stop. But yeah I have never had a friend who is as good of a friend to me as I am them. And I know it’s not a competition, but I’m the kind of friend who will sit in a parking lot in your car with you at 1 am listening to you cry about your problems and then I will buy food because who doesn’t feel better with food? I think I’ve only had one friend who has been there for me like that.

I get you. I’ve been talking to this guy I met online for a few months, and I think of us as pretty good friends. But I recently noticed that I was always the one to reach out, and when I stopped I notice we’ll go days without talking. I enjoy talking to him every evening, just to check in and see how his day went and just talk. Maybe I’m the only one who really enjoys it and I didn’t realize. I’ve just had the impression that he was maybe catching feelings, but now I can’t stop thinking “well if he felt the same about you as you do him then he’d have texted by now”. Stupid cycle, even stupider game. Still never learn.

I dropped out of high school 7 times before I got my GED at 16. I’m 28 and am going for my masters in psychology. I don’t regret dropping out of high school at all.

EDIT* reading this has me thinking about the day I dropped for the last time. I had to take this pink slip to each of my teachers to sign, acknowledging that I was withdrawing from school. My asshole of an economics teacher rolled his eyes and exclaimed “You’re going to turn out a bum if you do this. You are prepared for that kind of hideous lifestyle, right?”. I’d be lying if I said I’m not tempted to mail him a scanned copy of my diploma with a small note saying ‘idk this hideous lifestyle ain’t so bad!’