Why has common courtesy been done away with overall?

I'm asking this because I was raised to smile and greet people in general, hold the door for the next person coming along, saying Thank You... you guys get the picture. I have noticed that when I genuinely smile and greet others, it's not returned and that I rarely see the other courtesies mentioned above implemented. I get that some people are having a bad day or what ever have you but is this really an excuse to not return politeness back to someone who gives it to you? I have relocated to a bigger city from where I grew up so maybe this has something to do with it...but still...is it an excuse? I have "thick skin" so I can get past it but it still kind of saddens me that people aren't as nice/polite as they used to be. What do you guys think?

I think it tends to be like that in many urban places even in the Deep South. I remember being a little surprised that people in Atlanta didn't show as much "Southern hospitality" as I expected. But of course lots of people from all over live in Atlanta, so how naive of me to think otherwise.

Having grown up near DC most of my life, the "cold shoulder" attitude doesn't bother me. I've learned over the years not to take it personally. And truth be told, a lot of people are the same in other countries. Many people in certain parts of Europe aren't very outgoing towards strangers because they feel you shouldn't have to fake politeness or happiness. Many Americans stand out for looking too happy or being too polite in situations that other Europeans usually aren't.

I really do think this is a result from not teaching/raising the kids from the very beginning. However, there are some people that are conscious of this and want to change that. In fact, my sister (who's in her way to become a teacher) had to do some observations of actual teachers, and told me how she would make the boys say "Ladies first" and let the girls into the classroom first when coming back from lunch, while the girls would say "thank you gentlemen". Kind of made me want to become a teacher too so I could do the same lol, I thought it was cute.

I actually told one girl that she could date me if she managed to turn me straight, but since I believe in equal rights she'd have to open doors for me and treat me like the dainty little flower that I am.

If I have any manners at all it comes mainly from my parents. And secondarily from being a US Army Officer. No matter what your own rank, somebody else always outranks you, and a failure to be polite & deferential to your superiors can be a career killer. In fact, some of it takes on formal & ritualized form. And I suppose that exists in some parts of the private sector, as well.

But back to my parents, they insisted my sister & I, especially me as the "man," be unfailingly polite & considerate. Hearing people tell her "What lovely manners your son has!" was what she lived for. Of course part of it must have been due to my being gay, even as a little boy, but she still took all the credit.

And my parents made sure that politeness extended to service people, like in stores & restaurants, or workmen who came to our house. They considered it totally déclassé to speak down to or berate salespeople, waiters and such, and were disgusted to see people loudly abusing a service person over some insignificant matter, acting like spoiled brats.

"Everyone is as good as you, Robert," they would endlessly lecture me, "It's merely someone's choice to help other people, and you must never look down on them for it, and treat them poorly. It merely makes you look bad yourself." Just one of an endless string of admonitions and guidance they'd be giving me all day long, so that I remember the words to this day, along with all my parents' classic sayings & adages. I don't think they make parents like that anymore.

Maybe its because I am in Texas and I am young and naive, but I feel that it is still around. Almost every door I open to go into a building- i am typically holding it open for the person behind me and I typically encounter the same.

swimmerdude521 saidMaybe its because I am in Texas and I am young and naive, but I feel that it is still around. Almost every door I open to go into a building- i am typically holding it open for the person behind me and I typically encounter the same.

"Young and naive in Texas" -- why do I think that has the makings for a book?

idk, i stand up when my rents enter the room, and i address them as "sir" and "ma'am." i do the same 4 anyone older than me. i hold doors, say "please", "thank-u" and "ur welcome." ppl my age think i'm weird, but it's just a habit now.

What has happened to our culture? Capitalism happened to our culture. Politeness consumes time and money by requiring my movements to be circumscribed by rituals that make everything I do less efficient. It may only cause a tiny margin of inefficiency for each individual act of politeness but cumulatively it is what economists call a source of "friction" in the system and it has to go (from an economic perspective). Do you really think it's an accident that the first area in the country to embrace a mercenary capitalist ethic is also the area least known for its manners? (i.e. the Boston-New York corridor)

I live near NYC and I hold the door for people and it is held for me all the time. I always say thank you. Most people say it to me, too. Sometimes if they don't I say, loudly, "You're welcome" just to mess with them.

What gets me is how quickly people are ready to jump into combat mode. Beeping horns if someone takes more than a second to respond to a green light, cursing at someone who gets in their way... it's depressing.

Of course if you look how people treat each other on here, it's not that different. There seems to be no difference between "I disagree with that idea" and "You're $#@(@ stupid"

njmeanwhile saidI live near NYC and I hold the door for people and it is held for me all the time. I always say thank you. Most people say it to me, too. Sometimes if they don't I say, loudly, "You're welcome" just to mess with them.

What gets me is how quickly people are ready to jump into combat mode. Beeping horns if someone takes more than a second to respond to a green light, cursing at someone who gets in their way... it's depressing.

Of course if you look how people treat each other on here, it's not that different. There seems to be no difference between "I disagree with that idea" and "You're $#@(@ stupid"

Take a look at some of the threads on this site. Some people will jump to name calling before ever asking a single question. There are a lot of very angry people with deep personal issues who only find lashing out at others as a way to deal with it.

njmeanwhile saidI live near NYC and I hold the door for people and it is held for me all the time. I always say thank you. Most people say it to me, too. Sometimes if they don't I say, loudly, "You're welcome" just to mess with them.

What gets me is how quickly people are ready to jump into combat mode. Beeping horns if someone takes more than a second to respond to a green light, cursing at someone who gets in their way... it's depressing.

Of course if you look how people treat each other on here, it's not that different. There seems to be no difference between "I disagree with that idea" and "You're $#@(@ stupid"

Take a look at some of the threads on this site. Some people will jump to name calling before ever asking a single question. There are a lot of very angry people with deep personal issues who only find lashing out at others as a way to deal with it.

Agreed, and because there is no personal accountability, they feel free to have at it. Getting too much of a reputation as a hater? Just change your user name and start over!

I have tried to respect people with whom I disagree by keeping it about the idea vs. starting to rip on them personally. Hopefully have been successful. I don't get any hate mail so I guess I'm doing okay.

njmeanwhile saidI live near NYC and I hold the door for people and it is held for me all the time. I always say thank you. Most people say it to me, too. Sometimes if they don't I say, loudly, "You're welcome" just to mess with them.

What gets me is how quickly people are ready to jump into combat mode. Beeping horns if someone takes more than a second to respond to a green light, cursing at someone who gets in their way... it's depressing.

Of course if you look how people treat each other on here, it's not that different. There seems to be no difference between "I disagree with that idea" and "You're $#@(@ stupid"

Take a look at some of the threads on this site. Some people will jump to name calling before ever asking a single question. There are a lot of very angry people with deep personal issues who only find lashing out at others as a way to deal with it.

Agreed, and because there is no personal accountability, they feel free to have at it. Getting too much of a reputation as a hater? Just change your user name and start over!

I have tried to respect people with whom I disagree by keeping it about the idea vs. starting to rip on them personally. Hopefully have been successful. I don't get any hate mail so I guess I'm doing okay.

Me too. No one wins in a battle of name calling. But some people are so fucked up emotionally, its all they know how to do. I just put them on ignore.

We need to just step out of our worlds, our technology, and acknowledge our fellow humans. In public, on the phone, driving. You don't have to become friends but you do need to treat people with respect until the prove they don't deserve it. Pepper spraying people to get a cheap deal... I think that puts it all into perspective. We are ENTITLED, we have built these walls up around ourselves where it's MINE MINE MINE.

I'm from ny, where everyone expects people to be rude. But honestly people are respectful here. If you hold open a door or something like that, people will generally say thank you or at least give you a polite nod.

But I remember going to Miami and holding the door open for a tanned, fake boobed, blonde. Not only did she not say thanks, she gave me the complete cold shoulder and didn't even glance my way, like I was less than human. I was pretty shocked because even in ny you would not get that kinda attitude.

Latenight30 saidWe need to just step out of our worlds, our technology, and acknowledge our fellow humans. In public, on the phone, driving. You don't have to become friends but you do need to treat people with respect until the prove they don't deserve it. Pepper spraying people to get a cheap deal... I think that puts it all into perspective. We are ENTITLED, we have built these walls up around ourselves where it's MINE MINE MINE.

This. We are so programmed to move in our individual bubbles that when we are forced to interact with someone, especially someone who doesn't fit in with our mindset/schedule for the day, the gut reaction seems to be hostility and in some places there is no socialization saying that's rude.

notadumbjock saididk, i stand up when my rents enter the room, and i address them as "sir" and "ma'am." i do the same 4 anyone older than me. i hold doors, say "please", "thank-u" and "ur welcome." ppl my age think i'm weird, but it's just a habit now.

I'm from ny, where everyone expects people to be rude. But honestly people are respectful here. If you hold open a door or something like that, people will generally say thank you or at least give you a polite nod.

I went to NYC a couple-three years ago, and I found a great deal of politeness & civility. A lot of people said it was the aftermath of the 9/11 trauma, I dunno.

What I do know was that it was embarrassing to me for even women to offer me their seats on the subway (we got a 10-day unlimited-ride bus & subway pass while there, very good way to get around for pennies), just because I use a cane. I always politely declined, having more fun getting my "subway legs" back, swaying as if on a ship in a storm.

As for Miami, your experience was nothing. You should meet them in their cars on the roads. Totally selfish mayhem, make sure you have good insurance coverage.