Our lives are marked by Yeses. And Nos, of course. But the Yeses, they shine.

Or they don’t.

Proposals, pink lines, acceptance letters, job offers, greenlights, book deals. We spend our lives waiting for one Yes or yearning for another. Each time, we want the Yes so badly we can taste it. Each time, we tell ourselves that things will be different once we get it. Better.

We tell ourselves that we will be different. Better.

And then the yes comes.

And things change. We start wearing that diamond ring or those stretchy jeans with the elastic waistband or that I’m-supposed-to-be-happy smile. But while things look different on the outside, we aren’t different on the inside. We aren’t better. Or happier. Which means that life after yes feels a lot like life before yes. A life that’s Less Than or Not Enough.

But Yes is supposed to be a game changer. It’s supposed to be an us changer. It’s supposed to be the thing that magically transports us from where we are to where we’ve always wanted to go. Yes is supposed to matter.

So why doesn’t it?

Do we expect to much of Yes? Or does the problem lie with us, with our inability to step into Yes, our refusal to let Yes be enough?

I’ve never been very good at Yes. Getting into college and then law school. Landing my dream job. Passing the bar exam. These were big Yeses for me. Each one was a Yes I worked for. A Yes I waited for. Each one took me to a place I wanted to go. But each time, when I got there, there I was. The same person I was before. Not better. Not happier.

Why? Because the Yes wasn’t enough. Which meant than life after it wasn’t either.

This is not how it’s supposed to work.

I know this from experience. I know this because there is one Yes in my past that does shine. It sparkles and glitters and glistens. It’s a Yes that stands in middle of a Before and an After. A Yes that changed things. A Yes that changed me. A Yes that taught me that Life can be different after Yes. That it should be.

This Yes was both given and received. This Yes took the form of an “I Do,” but it was a Yes just the same.

Four and a half years ago, in a big yellow church in Atlanta, Georgia, I said yes to Husband and he said yes to me. And in that moment, I started living happier ever after. Not because I’d snagged the perfect husband or the perfect marriage (I hadn’t). But because in that moment, I was getting more than I deserved, and I knew it. Our relationship, with all its complexities and issues and challenges, was everything I wanted and, frankly, more than I thought I would ever get. And there we were, at that altar, saying Yes. For now. Forever.

That Yes was everything. That Yes was enough. It didn’t matter what happened next week or next year or ten years down the road. What was true in that moment wouldn’t stop being true when things got rocky or rough. Our marriage – a whopping five seconds old – was already a dream come true.

The awareness of that changed me. It made me different. Better. Happier. Which tells me something about Yes that I think we often overlook. It’s easy for us to see Yes as the beginning of something. An engagement. A marriage. A pregnancy. A career. And while it is that in a lot of ways, Yes is also the fulfillment of something. A dream. A wish. A prayer. A promise. Which means that Yes, in itself, IS enough. We have what we wanted – all that we wanted – the moment we get the Yes.

The secret, I think, is in the awareness. Recognizing that this – right here – is the dream-come-true. That pink line. That mortgage. That offer letter. That publishing contract. We didn’t count on a risk-free pregnancy or a problem-free house or a stress-free job. We didn’t expect a bestseller. Before the Yes, the Yes was enough.

The Yes IS enough.

As many of you probably know, the title of today’s post is also the title of my friend Aidan’sdebut novel, which hits bookstores today. While I suspect LAY is going to skyrocket to the bestseller list (yes, I think it’s that good), I hope that today will sparkle and shine in Aidan’s mind even if it doesn’t. Because today is a Yes. A giant, neon YES.

14 Comments

Yes. The secret is awareness. And choosing yes every day. Even when the day sucks. Even when you’re angry. Even when everything else seems like a yes would be better spent THERE. Awareness. That is a very very wise way to put it. Thank you, Lauren.

Lauren, I love your reflection on Yes. On the idea of separating ourselves from expectations and embracing and running with the Yes. I am so happy that your Yes was your happily ever after. Mine was too.

Lauren–a tremendous post. It is beautiful in its own right, but so special to me because you hit, spot on, my past disappointments in my post-Yes life. (I’m pleased to write that now, my Yeses deliver me exactly what I expect…and always to right now.) Thank you.

You’re so right, Lauren. We need to force ourselves fully enjoy and appreciate the yes. To take a step back and soak it all in, to realize what a milestone each Yes is. Not to move immediately on to what’s next. Thank you for this reminder.

You are so right, with so many things yes can be very anti-climactic. It’s often associated with a dream, but rarely with the pursuit of it. (Do you get what I mean) and so it never satisfies. I know this in my professional life very intensely.

But I agree with you, the one place (outside of my children) where I know yes was truly the beginning of something wonderful was my marriage. And like you I often still think that I got more than I deserve. I guess that keeps it fresh and keeps me from taking him for granted. At least I hope!

I think you’re right, we don’t usually change with a Yes. It’s something deep inside of us that says I’m going to do my best and be happy with the outcome and if it means I have to work harder, I will. When the Yes comes, it should be a satisfaction more so than happiness. Happiness should already be there in the journey. Maybe that’s why the wedding was such a fulfilling yes – because you were already happy with that person and knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them. Yes was just the technicality that gave you the satisfaction of putting in an effort and getting an amazing result!

When I wake up after a big decision, having said yes, I am often disappointed that, like you said, I am the same person. It feels so…anticlimactic.

When figuring out where to apply to college, I kept on feeling the need to apply to a certain place. It seemed above my lowly GPA, but I said yes to the prompting all the same. This decision has shaped my life in many ways. I feel that it has made me a better mother, wife, friend, and daughter.