tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53813968493826978892015-09-17T02:34:28.949-04:00The pastor's husbandstevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-49069562776483054122014-05-01T11:19:00.000-04:002014-05-01T11:19:11.250-04:00the connectionNot being a life-long Methodist, I often notice words and phrases that must have a special meaning for UMC people. They're words I understand and use, but I can tell from context that there's some distinct meaning that's intended.<br /><br />I often hear people talk about "the methodist connection." A quick google search provided me with this information from the North Alabama conference website: &nbsp;<a href="http://www.northalabamaumc.org/enewsletterarchives/detail/58">http://www.northalabamaumc.org/enewsletterarchives/detail/58</a><br /><br />To be honest, I clicked on this link, glanced over it, and said to myself, "I'm not going to read all that right now." The reason I thought of "the connection" and titled this post the same, is that we were reminded of our connectivity in the last week when we found out that our musician will be leaving us. She is married to a pastor in our conference, and he received a phone call last week from the bishop (or the cabinet, or somebody official) informing him that he was being moved to a new appointment. &nbsp;This is a sobering reality for a couple reasons. First, we need to get a new piano player ASAP! But also, it's a reminder that pastors serve where the bishop/cabinet decide they will serve.<br /><br />I think itinerancy is overall a healthy thing. That doesn't mean it's always comfortable, nor does it mean that every move is the right one at the right time. My own desires to stay put aside, I think it's mostly good for pastors and for churches.<br /><br />The pastor will be ordained at this summer's annual conference - less than two months away. I'm very proud of her, of course. Her ministry is our main focus as a family - really it's *our* ministry together. Part of being an "elder in full connection" is being accountable to the bishop and serving where you are appointed. This isn't always what we would choose for ourselves, as we know from experience. Our musician's move reminds us of the implications of ordination vows - our lives are not our own, we belong to God. Letting go of control continues to be a lifelong process for us, and it can be scary. But I know God walks with us through it all, and that is comforting. I pray we will continue to strive to be faithful to God's call on our family.<br /><br />I know this might come across as "the connection = the firm," but I promise that I have a lot of good things to say about the connection - maybe my next post!stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-7808472123384617922014-02-06T09:34:00.000-05:002014-02-06T09:34:39.134-05:00Catching upWell, it's been a while since my last post, and I feel like it's way past time for an update. &nbsp;Advent has come and gone, with a love feast and Christmas Eve services and all that goes with the busy, exciting, stressful holiday season. &nbsp;We got through it, and it went very smoothly in my opinion. &nbsp;The parishioners at these two little churches are sweet people who love each other most of the time, and going through the holidays with them was a warm and cozy experience.<br /><br />Now we have to face the realities of the rest of the year. &nbsp;When I last posted, the smaller church had decided to use their savings on risk-taking ministry. &nbsp;There was some trepidation about change, but it seemed that most folks (out of the handful that participate) were aware that if they didn't change, the church would close in just a couple years. &nbsp;So they assented to the vision that our leadership team presented. &nbsp;In fact, the leadership team is basically everyone who comes to church there. &nbsp;It seemed we were all in agreement. &nbsp; As far as I know, there's nothing in the plan that anyone would come right out and object to. &nbsp;But there are signs of fear as they come to terms with the realities of actually making changes. &nbsp;Change is hard, even when you know it's coming and that it's necessary. &nbsp;People who have committed to specific tasks are feeling overwhelmed, even though no work has really started yet. &nbsp;We are still trying to figure out how worship will look, both in terms of style and minor physical changes to the worship space. &nbsp;The vision for worship is a contemplative service - not contemporary music or a "blended" style, but more of a coffee house feel, if that makes sense. &nbsp;Our home church does a Saturday night service that we are trying to use as a template, tweaking it to fit our needs. &nbsp;But the pastor and I are not musicians, so we are trying to communicate the vision to a music leader who can do either traditional or contemporary, but prefers contemporary. &nbsp;In the meantime, there are folks "upset" about changes to worship, when all that's happened is that we've done some contemporary songs - we still do hymns too. &nbsp;That really shouldn't surprise me, I know, but I find it a little disappointing. &nbsp;I am still hopeful about the possibilities here, and we are praying about it daily, but I know the future is not certain for this little church. &nbsp;However, I am confident that even if the place closes in a couple years, God will reconcile all things and our work on behalf of the Kingdom of God is not in vain. <br /><br />Our larger church is coming around, I think. &nbsp;They have had some internal discord left over from a previous pastor, and it's taken some time for things to settle down. &nbsp;Our wonderful pastor consultant that lead us through visioning with the smaller church has agreed to work with this one too. &nbsp;It is a great blessing! &nbsp;This is really a country church, but within a couple years, a huge development is coming - more than 20,000 homes and a business park are planned. &nbsp;The edge of the land slated for development is less than two miles from the church. &nbsp;It will transform this rural county into a more suburban environment, and even though the folks know it's coming, there is still some denial about how quickly things will change. &nbsp;We are hoping that this church family will be able to love the newcomers and grow in healthy ways as folks from all over the world will come to live near them. &nbsp;It's a tremendous opportunity.<br /><br />On a more personal note, the pastor has been writing papers and I've been videotaping sermons and Bible studies for ordination. &nbsp;Most of the work has been done since Christmas, but I videotaped several sermons in the fall with this in mind. &nbsp;Ordination in the UMC is a long and involved process, especially compared to the much more autonomous Baptist church in which we both grew up. &nbsp;It is a double-edged sword, though. For many reasons, I am glad there is a high bar for ordination. &nbsp;But my wife graduated with an MDiv (with honors) from a prestigious seminary in 2009. &nbsp;She should pass ordination this spring, but of course that's not guaranteed. &nbsp;It seems to me the process could be streamlined a bit. &nbsp;I won't bore you with any details, but she has done an awful lot of work to prove herself to several groups of people. &nbsp;She is gifted for ministry by any measure anyone could come up with, and I pray she will pass this year. &nbsp;You can pray for that too, if you're so inclined.stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-65241162093358606532013-11-19T11:09:00.001-05:002013-11-19T11:09:15.332-05:00Risk takingThis coming weekend will be exciting. &nbsp;The little church, the one with just a few mostly elderly members, finished the discernment process with our consultant a few weeks ago. &nbsp;Through that process, they've decided to move forward with a God-sized plan. &nbsp;We are simultaneously giddy with excitement and slightly nauseated with uncertainty. &nbsp;But it feels right.<br /><br />This church, founded in 1824, but recently in decline, has a significant amount of savings. &nbsp;It's not a huge amount, but it's six figures, which I think is pretty good based on the size of the church and its recent history. &nbsp;Some of this money is reserved to maintain the cemetery in perpetuity, but they are ready to spend almost all the rest on ministry. &nbsp;If you're not familiar with the politics of church, that is HUGE. &nbsp;In my experience, most congregations cling to their savings with clenched fists, letting small bits of it go to replace the roof or pave the parking lot. &nbsp;Then they have a fundraising drive to replace the spent funds. &nbsp;It gets called "stewardship," but in reality, it's often "hoarding." &nbsp;Truthfully, it is often "distrusting God." <br /><br />So what's about to happen? &nbsp;Well, I don't know exactly what God's going to do, but I feel like it's going to be amazing. &nbsp;Here's what God's people are planning to do:<br /><br /><ol><li>Hire a part time musician. &nbsp;We have not been able to have consistent music in worship at either church, but the two churches in the charge are willing to spend some money to make that happen.</li><li>Put on a festival on Saturday with hot dogs and BBQ chicken and a bounce house. &nbsp;Money raised will be given to the "fuel up" program for local schools, which provides weekend food for children on reduced/free lunch. &nbsp;Local neighbors have been invited, with invitations to over 200 hand delivered along with pound cakes.</li><li>Host a community Thanksgiving service Sunday evening, inviting other local churches.</li><li>Spend over $18k on an awesome playground at the church for the community.</li><li>Start a summer literacy program to fill in the gaps for at-risk kids in the community. &nbsp;</li><li>There are dreams to create a day-retreat center at this church in the woods, with a prayer walk and a labyrinth.</li><li>At least one adult member is going to be baptized soon, and at least two young families (with ties to present church families) are officially joining.</li></ol><div>I'm sure there's more that I've left out. &nbsp;It's exciting to see the spirit bubbling up - dry bones coming to life. &nbsp;I am blown away by the attitude of the folks here. &nbsp;Much has been learned in the discernment process, I think, and it continues to bear fruit. &nbsp;I feel like we've all taken to heart the idea that to gain life, you must be willing to lose it. &nbsp;We have to be willing to take risks and trust God. &nbsp;That doesn't mean being foolish, reckless, or out-of-touch with reality. &nbsp;It does mean not to let worry about self-preservation choke off our calling to minister to our neighbors. &nbsp;No matter what happens, these folks want to be faithful to that call, and I think it makes God happy. &nbsp;I know it makes me happy and hopeful.</div><div><br /></div><div>So please pray for this little church and its neighbors, if that's the kind of thing you do. &nbsp;</div><br /><br />stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-71708257124266398422013-10-21T12:23:00.000-04:002013-10-21T12:23:17.007-04:00IndifferenceI really want people to like me. &nbsp;I really want everyone to get along. &nbsp;I hate it when there's conflict.<br /><br />Wouldn't you think we could all get along at church? &nbsp;I mean, aren't we all nice people? &nbsp;Don't we all want the same thing, ultimately?<br /><br />Well, I have found the answer to these questions is, in order, No, No, and No.<br /><br />Maybe I've started this post off on the wrong foot - I don't want to give the impression that we are engaged in great turmoil and everyone's up in arms about something. &nbsp;Mostly, things have calmed down since the drama I mentioned in the last post occurred. &nbsp;Let me back up a little.<br /><br />One of the nuggets of wisdom I've been exposed to during our weekly discernment meetings is the importance of practicing indifference toward anything except for the will of God. &nbsp;It's more than just a matter of prioritizing concerns with God's will at the top, though I suppose you could think of it that way. &nbsp;The problem with prioritizing things when "doing God's will" is one of the items in your list is that it's so much more than just an item in a list. &nbsp;It goes to the very core of pretty much anything else you could put on the list. &nbsp;It defies boundaries, overlapping into every aspect of our lives, ideally.<br /><br />It sounds nice, I suppose, but what does it really look like to put "indifference" into practice? &nbsp;I'm not entirely sure, since I have such a hard time doing it. &nbsp;But I think it means that we look to our mission as a church - in the United Methodist Church, it's been spelled out as "making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world." &nbsp;Anything that aligns with this purpose should be lifted up as something good. &nbsp;Anything that undermines it should be purged. &nbsp;Anything else should not be given too much attention and energy.<br /><br />The problem I have is that I have other priorities like:<br /><br /><ol><li>Being liked. &nbsp;Making decisions that don't make everyone happy puts this priority at risk. &nbsp;It's far easier to just accept the status quo.</li><li>Being "successful." &nbsp;Success as we define it is not always congruent with what God wants for us. &nbsp;Sometimes we just want more people in worship or the best facilities or an award-winning choir or more money in the offering plate. &nbsp;All these are fine in and of themselves, and can be markers of success, but they are not themselves "success."</li><li>Being comfortable. &nbsp;I want to get to a place where I have arrived as a fully mature person who has done all that he's supposed to have done and can now stop. &nbsp;I don't want to deal with my junk - my sinful nature, my bad habits and my hangups. &nbsp;Jesus accepts me as I am, so that should be good enough, right? &nbsp;Churches act this way corporately sometimes too.</li><li>Working hard. &nbsp;Ironically, even though I just want to stop my transformation process and declare myself done, I have a nagging fear that I'm not working hard enough. &nbsp;For churches - sometimes we believe that all we need to do to turn this place around is to keep doing what we've always done, but everyone needs to work harder at it. &nbsp;</li></ol><div>This is by no means a complete list, but you get the idea.</div><div><br /></div><div>To get back to my initial questions about getting along - I think they're mostly the wrong questions to ask. &nbsp;We certainly want to get along and be kind to everyone. &nbsp;We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if we can help it. &nbsp;But we are not together as a body solely to make everyone feel good about themselves. We are together as a body to make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world. &nbsp;We have to be indifferent to anything else. &nbsp;Fortunately, we serve a loving, gracious, and merciful God who transforms us into a community who loves one another if we are open to transformation. &nbsp;That is really good news.</div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-505090128018699912013-09-17T10:27:00.000-04:002013-09-17T10:27:14.781-04:00Declaring victoryObviously, it's early in this appointment for the pastor. &nbsp;She's been at this two-point charge for less than 3 months, but it's hard to imagine things going much more smoothly. &nbsp;I say this the morning after a weird day of drama that kept her on the phone with people until past the time we usually like to go to bed. &nbsp;I am confident that in the long run, this dust-up will be only an afterthought, though the possibility of continued drama always exists. &nbsp;People are broken, all of us, but some more obviously than others.<br /><br />So "declaring victory" at this early date may seem premature. &nbsp;However, these are words that I use in one form or another when discussing the state of things with the pastor. &nbsp;There's always someone upset or disappointed, no matter what good is happening before everyone's eyes. &nbsp;We know this on an intellectual level, and it's not a surprise at this point. &nbsp;So why does one naysayer or one negative offhand comment make us question so much of ourselves? &nbsp;I think it's what the pastor calls "the big lie."<br /><br />The "big lie" is the tape we play in our heads over and over again that tells us that we are not enough. &nbsp;That we do not deserve to be loved, that we are not good enough or smart enough or can achieve enough to be worthy of anything, much less the love, grace, and mercy of God Almighty. &nbsp;This was a theme of her message on Sunday - God loves us with more grace and mercy than we can imagine. &nbsp;It's more even than we think we need. &nbsp;It's overflowing and intense.<br /><br />Declare victory? &nbsp;Now? &nbsp;With so much ahead of us and not much behind us in this place with these people? &nbsp;With all the drama and garbage that we see in ourselves and those around us? &nbsp;Yes. &nbsp;Declare victory for what God has already done and what God is going to do. &nbsp;I think you have to declare victory as often as possible. &nbsp;Because the victory is God's and not ours. &nbsp;And also, because we must cling to the good that we see happening and remember it often. &nbsp;Remember, remember, remember. &nbsp;You were slaves in Egypt, and God heard your cry and reached out his mighty arm. &nbsp;You were a slave to sin and death and God came to be among us - descending from the highest height to the humiliation and suffering of the cross because GOD LOVES YOU. &nbsp;YOU ARE PRECIOUS TO GOD.<br /><br />This is not a victory declaration that we are "done" in some way. &nbsp;It's more of a marker along our path. &nbsp;We will be declaring victory every time we perceive that God has shown up. &nbsp;We will hold fast to the moment so we don't forget it. &nbsp;At least that's what I hope for, and that's what I plan to do with God's help.<br /><br /><br /><br />stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-4054530795117948372013-08-23T10:41:00.003-04:002013-08-23T10:41:33.754-04:00DiscernmentOne of the pastor's churches in this 2-point charge is very small, as I've mentioned before. &nbsp;In the weeks leading up to the appointment, we were hearing that they were down to about 10-12 in worship. &nbsp;This was usually presented as a gloomy reality, or maybe that's just the way I took it. &nbsp;I must say that I'm not feeling gloomy at all about this place.<br /><br />This church was founded in the 1820's, with the current building dating to the 1930's. &nbsp;The oldest parishioner, a local farmer, remembers tagging along with his father and others as they cut down trees, hauled them via mule to the mill, and brought them to the current site to build the church house. &nbsp;I have no idea what has transpired there, or what attendance/participation numbers have looked like over the years, but there's no way to think of this place other than in decline and struggling to survive. &nbsp;We take up about $400 a week in offering there. &nbsp;They have some savings in the bank that's dipped into to pay bills, and they can probably continue at this rate for a few more years if nothing changes.<br /><br />Since we've been coming, the worship attendance has averaged in the low 20's, I would guess. &nbsp;Half of the increase of course, is our family of 5. &nbsp;But I think some folks are showing up out of curiosity about the new pastor. &nbsp;The regular attendees are mostly related to each other and are mostly elderly, but there's a youngish couple that attends, and we even had another visiting couple with a baby last week.<br /><br />What to do? &nbsp;A case could be made for making plans to shut it down. &nbsp;Many churches do just that, and it doesn't have to mean some kind of failure. &nbsp;But these folks are not ready to go quietly, and they want the place to go forward making disciples. &nbsp;Our old farmer, in his 80's, has his parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents buried in the cemetery there, and doesn't want to see the place die before he does. &nbsp;He's not alone in that feeling.<br /><br />This is a church about 5 minutes from a thriving artsy town and 10 minutes from a large state university. &nbsp;There are probably a dozen subdivisions close by, with large houses on large lots. &nbsp;If you drive around the area, it feels like you're in the country, but beyond all the trees and lush vegetation, there are people. &nbsp;It seems like the ideal spot to plant a church. &nbsp;So that's what the pastor has in mind - a reboot.<br /><br />She called a former pastor of ours at our "home church" who has recently retired, but is now consulting. &nbsp;She wanted to ask him who would be a good resource to help this place "vision" and discern what God wants for it. &nbsp;He said he'd do it. &nbsp;For 10% of his usual fee. &nbsp;Wow, what a blessing. &nbsp;This is a guy who has started a couple churches from scratch, and everywhere he's gone, ridiculous growth has followed. &nbsp;He does not take credit for the growth God brought, but he knows something about getting out of God's way and being available for God's use. &nbsp;We've met 3 times now with a group of 6-10, and will meet a total of about 12 times as we try to discern how to move forward.<br /><br />It is a great joy already to see hope and excitement on the faces of these dear people who have been sad and struggling. &nbsp;It is not just a hope in our consultant. &nbsp;It is not just a hope in the pastor, or a hope in the process of discernment. &nbsp;It is a hope in the goodness of God, and God's care for God's people. &nbsp;It is also, I think, a softening of the corporate heart of this place, and a love and concern for those people who live behind the trees and vegetation - people who are hard to see when you are turned in on yourself and your own pain and struggles. &nbsp;I can't wait to see what's going to happen here.stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-6897473150924148502013-07-26T10:47:00.000-04:002013-07-26T10:47:08.062-04:00Fear and leading in the countrySo the pastor had her first administrative council meeting with one of the churches on Sunday. &nbsp;I was not able to attend due to childcare responsibilities, and frankly, I am just fine with that. &nbsp;I am not one who enjoys meetings, but having said that, I'm not sure who really does. &nbsp;I suppose there are some people from different parts of the Myers-Briggs spectrum who really get a charge out of such things, though. &nbsp;In one of her previous appointments, now that I think about it, there were some people who seemed to get a perverse joy out of conflicts and arguments, and no issue was too insignificant for a battle to be waged. &nbsp;That's not the case here.<br /><br />I have written before about the innate dysfunction of churches, much like the dysfunction of most families. We are human, so we do not relate perfectly to one another. &nbsp;With the folks at this appointment, there is some division at the moment, but it does not seem insurmountable. &nbsp;It's more related to the change in pastoral leadership, which is understandable. &nbsp;For many of these people, they've know each other and worshiped with each other for decades - their whole lives spent together. &nbsp;Often in a rural area, but it can happen in the middle of a big city too, a certain provincialism takes hold and folks can't see past their own little worlds. &nbsp;In that situation, small disagreements get magnified and stretched out of proportion.<br /><br />So what do you do when you are trying to lead people through something that seems insignificant to you, but makes the people you're attempting to lead shake with anger and fear? &nbsp;I am not sure I know, but I do know some things that you shouldn't do. &nbsp;For one thing, the anger/fear can't be allowed to drive decisions. &nbsp;If the leader decides to act or not act based solely on wanting to avoid conflict or hurt feelings, she is letting fear do the leading.<br /><br />Throughout this ministry adventure, we have tried to make pleasing God our number one goal. &nbsp;Sometimes we fall short, but we've tried to maintain focus on that goal regardless. &nbsp;I am hopeful that we can make that the goal of the two churches she is serving. &nbsp;Based on feedback from many parishioners, there is much reason for optimism about that. &nbsp;I know it's early in our time with them, but I feel quite optimistic about the possibilities here - "Aslan is on the move."stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-76980206235200648872013-07-12T11:29:00.000-04:002013-07-12T11:29:15.145-04:00Finding a balance - privacy/honestyThis morning, I thought I'd share some pictures with the few people who may be reading this blog. &nbsp;Then I wondered about how much I should share. &nbsp;I'm not sure how "out there" I want to be. &nbsp;It makes me wonder why I'm blogging in the first place. &nbsp;How much do I want to share? &nbsp;Clearly, I want to share at some level or I'd just be writing a journal instead of a blog. &nbsp;When I started this meager attempt a few years ago, the hope was that other pastors' husbands would want to communicate/commiserate about our unusual place in the Church. &nbsp;That hasn't happened, but it's no big deal.<br /><div><br /></div><div>Still, I am not sure how much to share. &nbsp;I want to be honest about the joys and struggles of our life in parish ministry, but I don't want to share too much. &nbsp;Inevitably, I'll end up sharing something about parishioners that touches on confidentiality in some way. &nbsp;I don't want to embarrass anyone, even if the embarrassment comes from their bad behavior. &nbsp;And I don't want to share the details of anyone's life without their permission. &nbsp;So if our parishioners start reading the blog, things could get awkward. &nbsp;I want to be as honest as possible about what's going on in our lives, so being anonymous is a tremendous help. &nbsp;I have probably left enough clues that a determined person could easily figure out who and where we are, and I'm accepting the fact that there is no real privacy online.</div><div><br /></div><div>With that said, here are some pictures. &nbsp;For now, I'm leaving out pictures of the church signs that say, "Welcome Pastor <full name="">", but I hate that, because I find it kind and sincere. &nbsp;I will try to take some pictures of the countryside this weekend. &nbsp;It's a beautiful area.</full></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jo97pPB6iz8/UeAgYm9B5RI/AAAAAAAAAH4/k_TAvUCP0Hc/s1600/003.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jo97pPB6iz8/UeAgYm9B5RI/AAAAAAAAAH4/k_TAvUCP0Hc/s320/003.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1IiWt5Jg1BM/UeAgbQ6qsWI/AAAAAAAAAIA/gPu15QjQaqg/s1600/008.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1IiWt5Jg1BM/UeAgbQ6qsWI/AAAAAAAAAIA/gPu15QjQaqg/s320/008.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WiTgCUQycdk/UeAgdF8AHUI/AAAAAAAAAII/e4sCUTpO1Eo/s1600/009.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WiTgCUQycdk/UeAgdF8AHUI/AAAAAAAAAII/e4sCUTpO1Eo/s320/009.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fPXKvnV-TPM/UeAgkV17k0I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/-pkhENILEXs/s1600/002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fPXKvnV-TPM/UeAgkV17k0I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/-pkhENILEXs/s320/002.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><span id="goog_1241295718"></span><span id="goog_1241295719"></span><br /></div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-73333880214172114952013-07-08T19:06:00.001-04:002013-07-08T19:06:19.923-04:00First ImpressionsI finally made it to these two little churches yesterday. &nbsp;Last week was the pastor's first Sunday, but our youngest spent the night before throwing up, so I stayed home with him and his big brother while our daughter tagged along with the preacher. &nbsp;We think it was something he ate, because no one else got sick, thankfully. &nbsp;I had to take the oldest boy off to summer camp that afternoon anyway - a three hour one-way drive. &nbsp;It made for a long day, and I was kind of relieved to miss the fanfare of being the pastor's family on parade. &nbsp;Not that I really mind it - it's part of the gig.<br /><br />Anyhow, I did make it yesterday, and it was a great day. &nbsp;I still felt like I was on display a bit, but that's ok. &nbsp;The parishioners were exceedingly kind and friendly and didn't seem to mind the sweat rolling off my head during the passing of the peace on a warm and humid July morning in NC. &nbsp;One interesting bit of logistics - these two churches are about 20-25 minutes apart. &nbsp;The earlier service starts at 9:30, while the later one starts at 11:00. &nbsp;That's a really small margin of error. &nbsp;Fortunately, my wife has a foot of lead when necessary. &nbsp;We pulled out of one parking lot at 10:36 and into the second one at 10:55. &nbsp;The second church is the one with only about a dozen regulars.<br /><br />My wife was not all that thrilled about her sermon for the day. &nbsp;Last week's was better in my opinion, but for some reason, many folks complimented her on this week's. &nbsp;I don't think they were trying to make her feel better, either. &nbsp;Preaching/teaching is one of her greatest strengths, so even when it's not her best, I always think it's pretty good, and I'm not the only one who feels that way. &nbsp;You just never know what people will respond to - it's fascinating, really. &nbsp;Or frustrating, depending on your mood, I suppose.<br /><br />After worship at the smaller church, we went back to the first one for a covered dish lunch. &nbsp;They do that every week. &nbsp; Wow. &nbsp;Every week. &nbsp;I will need to either ramp up my exercise or buy bigger clothes if I end up doing that every week. &nbsp;We shall see.<br /><br />Of course, we are now in a honeymoon period, which I am well aware could come to an abrupt end. &nbsp;And it will sooner or later. &nbsp;That's ok - it's part of the process. &nbsp;With a new pastor comes new ways of looking at things and doing things. &nbsp;The past will be honored for sure, but not worshiped. &nbsp;Sometimes change is difficult, and we will have to move slowly. &nbsp;Our pastor is not always patient about moving forward, but she is loving and kind and extremely, almost painfully, honest. &nbsp;Hopefully, trust will build quickly. &nbsp;For now, I am feeling good about a fresh start. stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-4395211980427643842013-06-28T12:50:00.001-04:002013-06-28T12:50:41.917-04:00Quite a week, and it's not even Sunday yetWell I think this is going to be fun. &nbsp;The pastor has been visiting folks, meeting people from both churches, visiting the sick, and bringing home produce from the country. &nbsp;So far, so good. &nbsp;People seem glad to meet her, and apart from an anonymous complaint about her being too pretty and wearing a skirt that was too short (really, it was below the knee), everyone seems happy to have her around. &nbsp;I suppose they'll have to adjust to her hotness.<br /><br />One of the churches is down to a handful of members, but it's my impression that it's never been all that large, at least not the last few decades. &nbsp;I saw a pictoral directory from about 5 years ago that features both churches, and the smaller church's section was a single page of pictures. &nbsp;However, they are located about 5 minutes from a thriving, artsy town. &nbsp;There are clearly enough people nearby that growth and ministry could happen there. &nbsp;It's exciting to think about the possibilities. &nbsp;It seems that they've never put much effort into inviting others in, and as they continue to shrink, they're finally thinking about their own corporate mortality. &nbsp;At least that's my very early impression, never having set foot in the place, so take it with a grain of salt.<br /><br />Her first appointment was in a small town church, one with a secretary and a preschool. &nbsp;It's in town, not out in the country. &nbsp;It's a rural setting, but these two little churches are what come to my mind when I hear the term "rural church." &nbsp;The scenery is green and lush, and you have to go far enough away from "civilization" to get there that you might wonder if you've missed a turn somewhere. &nbsp;It's beautiful and quiet.<br /><br />Can't wait for Sunday.<br /><br />stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-43521488499877055462013-06-01T21:39:00.000-04:002013-06-01T21:39:06.970-04:00ResurrectionNew things are happening for the pastor, so I may start blogging again. &nbsp;After 2 years working part time at our suburban church, she will be serving a 2 point charge in a neighboring county. &nbsp;We will not be relocating, however, which will be great for the family (though I'm sure there will be some parishioners who don't like that :*) &nbsp;I'm excited for her and for our family - it's been a good break, not without drama, but certainly good for our kids. &nbsp;It's time to jump back into the parish, though, and continue on the path towards ordination in the UMC.<br /><br />In case you're not aware, "2 point charge" means that there are 2 churches who combine their resources to pay for a pastor. &nbsp;She will preach twice each week, once at each church, e.g, 9am at one and 11am at the other. &nbsp;These are two country churches that have been in a bit of a decline. &nbsp;We've been told that one averages about 40 or 50 in worship every week, while the other one is down to about 12 active members. &nbsp;Should be interesting and fun.<br /><br />So if anyone reads this - google reports some very light traffic here, but I don't know if it's real people or bots - and you are one who prays for such things, please keep our family in your prayers. stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-23966283291730050242011-07-25T10:16:00.003-04:002011-07-27T10:35:02.679-04:00burnout and healingA lot has happened since I last updated the blog, and I'm not sure where to start. So I'll just start spewing stuff and then I might edit it, but I doubt it - I generally don't have a whole lot of time for tweaking and polishing my writing here.<div><br /></div><div>We have moved from our rural setting back to the suburbs. In fact, we are back to the same suburbs from whence we came. Moving was our idea, not the church's, though the bishop and others did make it happen. We are back in familiar territory and are loving most of it. Our children are adjusting fairly well to the move, though our 8 year old seems to be a little stressed out by all the changes. Our younger two children (5th and 3rd grade) have started at the year-round elementary school that we can walk to - in fact, we can see it from the driveway of our new home. Our oldest(8th grade) will go to a traditional calandar middle school in August, provided that we get around to registering him. I am able to drive into the office instead of working remotely from libraries and coffee shops, which has been wonderful - I never thought I'd say that about going to an office building. And the pastor is adjusting too, though she has given up much career-wise for her family.</div><div><br /></div><div>So how did all this happen? Well, there's a lot behind it all, but I will focus mainly on our family situation and not the politics of congregation/denomination. To be brief, I think we were burning out in my wife's previous appointment. When we sold our house, picked up our family and moved out to a small town, we had many choices to make. Do we live in the parsonage or buy our own home? Do we put the kids in the struggling public schools or to drive them a long way to a very good private school? We made decisions the best we could, with the overriding goal of being faithful to our calling as a pastor's family. If we had to do it over again, I am still not sure if we would do anything differently. If our main goal was to maximize our financial situation, we certainly would have made different choices(like not going into ministry at all). We assumed we would be in that place for several years, like at least 5 years. But it was not to be. I must say that life was a grind for the two years we were there. Between shuttling the children to and from school and the other demands on both the pastor and me, we hardly had time to rest. My weekends were practically non-existent, since Sunday is a work day for her and it turned into one for me as well. For a small church, there was a LOT of activity. I would guess that my wife worked about 80 hours in a typical week there. Since I have a full time job too, that meant that much of the household duties slipped through the cracks. We gave up cleaning the house. Our top priorities became making sure we had food (most of it unhealthy convenience food) and clean laundry. There was no time for exercise or for rest. And while no one said it explicitly, that type of life seemed to be the expectation from many folks at the church. One parishioner even said (to someone else) that a pastor should "die to self and live for the church." Well, ok - I'm all for dying to self - but living for Christ. And that type of living does not mean being burnt out trying to satisfy every whim of every member of the church. </div><div><br /></div><div>So here we are, back "at home," living much the same way we did before "going out." A couple things surprised me about the whole process. One is that I found myself very sad at first when we got news that we'd be leaving. A large part of that I think is just sadness about leaving people that I had come to care about. There are some wonderful people there, and I was sad to think of not seeing them anymore. But a significant part of that may have also been a feeling of failure - that things did not work out. This leads to some introspection and analysis, some of which is fruitful, but some of it becomes "if only" thinking. If only we had done this or that differently, maybe things would have been better. I think if I do that too much, it quickly becomes wallowing and doesn't serve any good purpose. Now that I have a couple months of space to reflect on it, I think that place was just not a good fit for us. I hope and pray for the success of that church and their new pastor - in many ways, I think he's probably a better fit for them.</div><div><br /></div><div>So now what? Well, the pastor is now in a part-time position at our old church where we were members when she was called to seminary. It is a place we know well, with people we know well, but with a different senior pastor and slightly different staff than before. There are over 3000 members at this church, so much is different. And yet, much is the same, because as I've said in other posts, every church has some level of dysfunction, and struggles of power and control are everywhere. I am concerned for my wife as she takes a big career hit to be an under-the-radar part-time pastor instead of THE pastor. It's hard on her ego and hard on our bank account, but I think overall better for our family. There will be new adventures for us, I'm sure. One great benefit is working alongside other pastors. Her staff before consisted of one part-time secretary. She's a sweet lady, but it's not the same as having peers who understand more fully what you're dealing with.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am usually very careful about crediting God for the changes that occur in my life. It's not that I don't think God is working on our behalf. I suppose I think more of God walking beside us on the journey, regardless of who or what "causes" the different twists and turns of our path. But in this case, where we have arrived at a place that should be more healthy for our family, I can see God working through the system to bring us home. And while I do still miss some folks at our old place, I am thankful to be here.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div> </div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-48644104995963608762011-01-31T09:21:00.002-05:002011-01-31T09:46:46.650-05:00The middleI have been trying to make the time to post over the last few weeks. We had some ice and snow and were all snowed in for a few days, but since I work from home, it still seemed somewhat hectic and I never got around to blogging.<div><br /></div><div>So here goes probably my third attempt of 2011. We'll see if I get around to posting it.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am a fan of The Pretenders, Chrissie Hynde's band which put out three really solid albums in the 80's. And since I am also a fan on facebook, I occasionally see things that the Pretenders' fan page puts up. This weekend, they posted a link to their great song, "Show me," and memories of listening to them when I was in high school came flooding back. It prompted me to look up a bunch of their videos on YouTube. Wow, they were amazing live. One of their songs, from "Learning to Crawl" (which I probably wore out on the turntable) spoke to me - "Middle of the Road". Here are the lyrics:</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.pretenders.org/lymor1.htm">http://www.pretenders.org/lymor1.htm</a></div><div><br /></div><div>I think it's brilliant. So many ways I feel like I'm in the middle. I'm in my 40's with kids - sorta the midpoint of life, and I can identify with having "my plans behind me," even if I'm not a big planner. I try to take a "middle road" in so many things - I don't want to be an extremist, I want to treat people of all stripes with grace and mercy. It's hard even to find the energy to take a stand verbally/in conversation, much less be an activist for an important cause.</div><div><br /></div><div>But sometimes, you have to take a stand, at least in conversation if not with further action - "you see the darndest things" - people using others, trampling the weak and needy. The line that hits me in the face - "when you own a big chunk of the bloody third world, the babies just come with the scenery." Wow. I am afraid that I do own a big chunk of the bloody third world. I believe in systemic sin and my culpability in it. Not everyone does, but I just can't get past it. Maybe it's my bleeding heart, my naivete, my gullibility. But I am in so much comfort and my country is so wealthy. And we want to keep things that way, of course. But how do we do that and sleep at night when the very economies that support our wealth and comfort do so at the expense of vast swaths of humanity? I am under no illusions that I know all there is to know about economics and politics. But I do believe that our thirst for oil and economic prosperity results in all sorts of ethical compromises that hurt millions of people all over the world. Lord have mercy.</div><div><br /></div><div>Don't get me wrong. I love my country and the ideals that we're always trumpeting, even if we don't live up to them very well. I don't "blame America first" as talk radio blowhards like to say. I do blame humanity first, though. We are not "basically good." We are basically fallen. Basically selfish. Basically want to be God ourselves. We want to do things our way, because we know best.</div><div><br /></div><div>I want to trust God completely. I don't. But I want to. Lord help my unbelief. Lord help me let go of the things I cling to so tightly for security - my money, my job, my family, my marriage. Help me trust that those things are your gifts for me to enjoy, but not to worship.</div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-30757683584683142010-12-17T18:15:00.004-05:002011-01-03T14:18:05.763-05:00Us and ThemI've been thinking a lot lately about how the "Us and Them" meme seems to weave its way through our world. I don't know if any of this is particularly deep or informative to you, but it just seems pervasive to me, at least lately. How have we divided ourselves, let me count the ways.<div><br /></div><div>It is obvious in church life on so many levels. Where does separation begin there? It might be easier to ask where it doesn't exist, because it seems to be everywhere. There are obvious separations - we have Catholic/Eastern Orthodox/Protestant division in the big-C Church. I am not terribly familiar with anything but Protestantism, so sticking with that, it's obvious that we have a multitude of denominational (even non-denominational!) separations. Within denominations, there's frequently further division between conservative/liberal(hate those words) factions. Then there's racial/ethnic separation, which is a whole other can of worms. And then there's the clique-y separations within a particular congregation, with all the silly power struggles over the minutiae of church life. At this level, I sometimes think about the conflicted groups facing off like the Sharks and the Jets in West Side Story. Hmm....next time there's a conflict like that at our church, I'll suggest a dance off. Hope no one breaks a hip.</div><div><br /></div><div>I guess there are a couple things going on right now that have brought "Us and Them" to mind. One is the kids from out in the country that we've been bringing in to church. It is a joy to have their energy in our building. I expected more backlash from the older folks, but as I mentioned before, they have been almost entirely gracious. Several have been trying to get involved as best they can in welcoming the kids and in helping by teaching Sunday School or driving the van. It is wonderful to have a tangible mission - we can see that these children are being changed and so are we. But still....."us and them".....it's there, even if it's not explicitly stated. Our temptation is to think we are saving them when it is God who saves. And I mean no disrespect to our parishioners, but I think that if the families of these kids came in greater numbers, they would be welcome - as long as they know their place as outsiders, as less-than those who have been here all along. I don't say that to pick on the folks in our church - this happens at most churches, I think.</div><div><br /></div><div>The other, more personal "us and them" lately refers to my family as "Us" and the church/town as "Them," and vice versa. We are not from here, and "here" is a small town. My wife and I have always been suburbanites, though all 4 of our parents grew up in a rural environment. There are people who have been in this church/town for 30 years and are still thought of as "new." The different lifestyle has at times been a difficult transition for us. For example, we have found that most people know who we are, even if we haven't met them. That makes sense to me in a small town. What I was not prepared for, though, was that almost none of them will introduce themselves. They are almost unfailingly polite and will not be explicitly unkind. If I am driving through town and wave to other drivers or pedestrians, they will cheerfully wave back. It seems friendly, and I think it's meant that way, but something is being held back. Now obviously, self-introduction is a two-way street, and I have made efforts to do so. But it's a bit exhausting to be the only one doing it. To most of these folks, we are "them." That's not necessarily thought of negatively, of course.</div><div><br /></div><div>The differences we see between these folks and us are many - please excuse me for painting with a broad brush, but here are some of them. My wife and I both have more than one graduate degree while many folks here have not been to college. A high percentage of the population here uses Fox News as their source for information about the world. We, um, don't. Most of these people do not read the newspaper (the major papers in the state don't even offer home delivery here) or much of anything, really. There is a strong work ethic here that is admirable - to a point. The problem is that the need for sabbath is hardly acknowledged, at least that's my impression. Now having said all that, I realize that we must seem like over-educated intellectual snobs to these folks. It's probably more true than I care to admit. I know with every fiber of my being that I am no "better" than them, no less guilty of sin, no more loved by God. But we sure are different!</div><div><br /></div><div>So how do we live together? How do we minister to each other and love each other? I think we'll always be "us" and "them," but we have to make it work. Why do we separate ourselves this way? Why do we objectify and dehumanize each other? Is it all about power and control? And by power and control, I don't necessarily mean power/control over "them." As a white American male, I am not familiar with being an oppressed minority, but I'm sure that oppressed minorities will think(justifiably) in "us" vs. "them" terms too. But thinking this way can be a coping mechanism that gives one power in some sense by defining reality for oneself. (ok, I'm getting in over my head here - I'm just an engineer)</div><div><br /></div><div>I have not addressed the most personal way "us" vs. "them" has manifested itself in our life - that of pastor and congregation as us/them. I will leave that for another day, I think. I will have to tread carefully there.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-12790759007603127962010-11-17T08:55:00.002-05:002010-11-17T09:58:40.768-05:00Success, success, success (does it matter)?With apologies to the Rolling Stones (title is from the lyrics of "Shattered," if you're not a fan)....<div><br /></div><div>I wonder how one might best define "success" in the context of pastoral vocation. Certainly numbers are meaningful - I'm an engineer for crying out loud, I can't ignore numbers. One might argue that the number of folks in the pews each week is a good indicator of the "success" of the church or of the pastor. Each one of those numbers is an individual soul that is precious to God and capable of joining God's mission in that place with their own unique gifts. They all matter, and the more that are present, the more potential there is for the Kingdom of God(whatever that means). If attendance/participation declines or increases precipitously, it can be an indication of the health of the congregation or of the pastor's "performance." But this is not an objective science experiment, carefully controlled and easily measured. Attendance is but one indicator, one piece of data. Taken alone, it misses much more information than it provides. Statistics do not lie. Interpreters of statistics do, however, though it's usually unintentional. Hmm...kind of like scripture - the error isn't so much in the data(scripture), but in the interpretation.</div><div><br /></div><div>How do you measure spiritual growth and formation? If you make a deep difference in the lives of a few people, is that as important as growing in number? We can look to Joel Osteen if we want to find a pastor who is really good at growing the numbers of his church. I have stepped in puddles after a soft rainfall that are deeper than Osteen, but hey, he fills up that arena every week. Ok, I'm done bashing him, but the point remains - if you tell people what they want to hear and make them feel good, you can accumulate a sizable following, even if your message is completely vapid. Are you then a "success?" What really matters? And when I say that, what I mean is, "What really matters to God Almighty, creator of heaven and earth?" </div><div><br /></div><div>Are our churches seeking to please God? Or are we seeking to look good - to ourselves, to our community, to our denomination? Do we sing, "they'll know we are Christians by our love?" Or is it more like, "they'll know we are an imporant church by our numbers?" Why do we show up every week? To build up our empire?</div><div><br /></div><div>We are a few weeks in to our contemporary Sunday night service. It has been fun, and as a traditional worship lover, I am struck by how much I respond to the more emotionally charged praise music. I find that it moves me and that I need to be moved that way in worship. These children we pick up and bring in add a lot to the experience too. This past Sunday, we had a significantly smaller number in the evening than in previous weeks, but Sunday morning attendance was a little higher than usual. It's interesting that in my mind, I separate attendance in terms of age - the kids we bring in are one component, and the "adults"/others are a second one. Like they aren't equal somehow. I am 100% positive that others think about this in the same way - an us/them mentality, even if there's no conscious animosity toward "them." Anyhow, the low attendance didn't go unnoticed, and was a point of concern for at least one person. It seems that folks are just waiting for something to worry about. This same person told the pastor he was "praying for her success" here. I appreciate the sentiment, but I wonder how this person would define success. I suspect it is a moving target, but mostly related to numbers. The numbers are going to be evaluated on a week-by-week basis.</div><div><br /></div><div>Whose success should we pray for and work for? I don't think it's the pastor's. Maybe it's the stuff I associate with the word that bugs me so much. The idea that we can all just work really hard and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and bless the whole world by our obviously awesome relationship with God that allows us to be the agents of change and get lots of credit with everyone including God in the process. Humbly, of course. What a steaming load of garbage. IT IS GOD WHO SAVES, NOT US. Who do we think we are, anyway? Of course we have responsibility to work for the kingdom of God, which involves doing things. But we have to acknowledge our own sin, our own need for salvation, even our own need to confess this and share it with others. And we can't get so obsessed with measuring our performance that we ignore what's really important. God will take care of the numbers.</div><div><br /></div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-74547405552849042582010-11-02T08:48:00.007-04:002011-01-05T08:45:35.815-05:00expectationsSome things in life have to be experienced to be understood. For example, you kinda know what to expect when you get married based on observation. Most of us have our parents' marriage to reflect on, even if it is no longer intact. We can look to other marriages with which we may be familiar, or we can watch TV and see what that tells us - both sitcoms and reality shows. Even Dateline/20-20 shows can show us how a marriage might go horribly wrong. But until we enter into that adventure, we cannot understand the intricacies of that relationship. Additionally, each marriage is a little different with a different blend of personalities. A similar example is having children. Until you actually have kids, you can't fully appreciate the experience. It never ceases to amaze me how many people who have never had kids are such great self-proclaimed experts on child-rearing. And they can be quick to dispense their sage advice - same goes for marriage.<div><br /></div><div>And of course, the same goes for "parish life." The experience of dealing with all the issues, big and small, of being the pastor's family is something that must be lived to be fully appreciated. Going into this adventure, I was aware that it would be a growing and learning experience for all of us. I thought about those examples I just gave - marriage and child-rearing - and how it was probably a similar deal. And it is. There is no way to prepare for it fully - you have to just do it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Here are some of the things I expected:</div><div><ol><li>At least a few people will not like us</li><li>At least a few people will try to undermine the pastor's efforts</li><li>Some people will be unquestionably loyal simply because my wife is the pastor. They will be loyal to any pastor at their church.</li><li>There will be at least a small number of salt-of-the-earth types who want the kingdom of God to flourish where they are - and they will do the work to till the soil.</li><li>There will be some beautiful moments of grace</li><li>We will be discouraged at times</li><li>At some point, there will be people who want to see us go, and they may be successful eventually - we won't be there forever.</li><li>Most problems will be about power and control, and they will be compounded by poor communication and pettiness.</li><li>Some parishioners will think that they own us, that they can tell us how to live our lives and that they need to teach us. (certainly they are teaching us - they have a lot to offer - but they are not to be the pastor's spiritual advisors)</li></ol><div>I was right on pretty much all counts. So why is it so hard to take bad behavior and unrealistic expectations from parishioners when we knew they were coming? I suppose we hadn't lived out these experiences yet. We should not take these things personally - most problems here were problems before we ever showed up. The average stay for the pastors here over the last decade or so is about 2 years. We've been here almost a year and a half. So clearly, the honeymoon should be over and it is. But it's hard not to take personal attacks personally - even when they were part of our expectations. We knew there would be people who want us to leave, but I guess the idea of it was not as hurtful as the reality is.</div><div><br /></div><div>But we are not stuck in despair. For one thing, there are still many good things happening. The Sunday night service has been well received, and these children coming have been a lovely blessing. On Halloween, we had a covered dish supper and then walked over with the kids to the "trunk or treat" celebration at a nearby church. It's an annual community event there, and they do a great job hosting. Anyhow, as my wife took her little group over to the large inflatable slide, a 12 year old Latina girl put her arm around her and said, "Pastor, when I'm at our church, my heart feels warm." OUR church! Warm heart! (John Wesley, anyone?) There is hope here. There is momentum building in spite of us and the petty bickering that has gone on for years.</div><div><br /></div><div>But how long can we stay in this place? One of the complications of making a mid-life career switch is how it affects your family. What kind of life does this give our children? How much do we weigh that in making decisions? Conflict is not something we can avoid by just finding a new appointment. Is what we are experiencing here consistent with our expectations or not? And what would our expectations be at a new place? Do we have reasonable expectations? What exactly are they? </div><div><br /></div><div>We certainly can't run around from appointment to appointment, hoping that "this will be the one!" This is much like a church running through pastors, hoping for the same thing - a match made in heaven that will dispel all the bad stuff - the lion will lie down with the lamb (and not eat it). It's a nice thought, but totally unrealistic.</div><div><br /></div><div>So - what should our expectations be for our lives as a pastor's family? How much do we weigh the various costs in our decisions about staying/going? There is much to consider, and there is much at stake, both for our family and for our church. We will pray about this fervently, asking for wisdom, discernment, and vision. Oh, and also for patience, love, and grace in our relationships. If you read this, any prayers you want to offer on our behalf would be welcome.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div><div><br /></div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-68294115493672180002010-10-25T08:37:00.002-04:002010-10-25T21:29:01.834-04:00Well, that went wellSo last night was the first night of the new contemporary service at church. It sure seems like there is a lot riding on the "success" (whatever that means - how do you measure it?) of this new thing. Before going further, some background info is necessary.<div><br /></div><div> There is a core group of members who are just the salt of the earth, and I mean that in the most positive way possible. They show up and do the hard work that needs to be done. When you talk about the 80/20 rule(80% of the work is done by 20% of the people), they are the 20. But I have noticed that this group of folks has felt for some time, even well before we arrived on the scene last summer, that their church is dying and there's not much they can do about it. And it's basically true. The town is dying - young folks grow up and move to where there is more opportunity. For whatever reason, the town has resisted change for decades. I am not sure how the powers that be in town feel now, but in the past, it seems that growth was not something they wanted. The town is right off the interstate, with no exit for 7 miles in one direction, and no exit for 4 miles in the other. At the town's exit, there is one gas station. In the last couple years, an additional and potentially large development has started, but I'm not sure what the timeline is for it, nor what exactly is going to happen there. I've always wondered why there wasn't something else there like fast food or something - it seems like a no-brainer. </div><div><br /></div><div>In addition to the problem of the town dying, the church itself has been in a state of decline. There have been a lot of pastors in and out of this place in the last decade, and families with children have found that the rock and roll church nearby is a lot more fun for them. I can't really speak to all the different reasons that folks may have left this place, but the end result is that many of the remaining members feel mostly sadness about their beloved church. In fact, I think it's really sadness mixed with anger. Folks have told me that 10 or 15 years ago, this church was <b>the</b> church in town. That the place was crawling with people and activity. I am sure that some of this may be romanticizing the past a bit, but I believe that it was surely a more vibrant place than it's been lately. It makes me think that something significant may have happened, but we don't know what it was. Enough background - now for the good stuff.</div><div><br /></div><div>I would guess that Sunday morning worship attendance has been averaging in the 60's since we've been here - even before our bus driver started bringing children (see earlier posts about that). Yesterday morning it was in the low 70's, I think, which is pretty good. Last night? Around 105. The place was crazy crowded with children - but they only accounted for about half the number. The music was upbeat and energetic, and while I missed the message - took all those children outside to the playground after all the singing - I heard that it was well received. What else would I expect from this beautiful, magnificent pastor? The one who woke up yesterday with a stomach bug, by the way? It has been so amazing to see my wife become a pastor with authority. Regardless, as proud as I am of her, and as hard as she has worked, and as good as she is, this is not about her or me or our family. God is moving in this place, and I am glad to be around to see it.</div><div><br /></div><div>We really couldn't have hoped for a better start to the Sunday night adventure. In coming weeks, we will not be providing food (at least not officially - some of these kids come hungry and we'll probably end up doing something about that), and it's hard to tell how attendance will hold up. But we will also have programming for the kids, led by me(yikes). I'm not sure how that's going to go, but I will do my best. I expect that good things are going to happen regardless of my competence or lack thereof. A wise person once told me that "being present is highly underrated." I suppose that's another version of the Woody Allen quote that goes something like, "95% of life is just showing up." And these kids are so very needy of positive attention from grownups, it will be hard for me to screw it up too badly.</div><div><br /></div><div>And those 20%, salt of the earth types? I'm not sure I've ever seen so much joy on their faces as I did last night. They needed this. Some of them really wanted it to happen and worked hard on it. Some didn't know if they wanted it and worked hard on it. Some may have opposed it, but they either worked hard on it or at least stayed out of the way. It is good to have a clear mission. It helps distract us from the back-biting and silly bickering about the minutiae of church life and calls us to be the church, the body of Christ. Thanks be to God!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-54517953649193915772010-10-21T09:21:00.000-04:002010-10-21T10:04:05.400-04:00how many sides?I had to move from Panera bread before usual today. A couple men were sitting at the table next to me talking about politics. It was just too distracting, even though these guys were in agreement, not arguing. In the year or so that I've been working from Panera (and the public library, where it's much quieter), I've heard all kinds of discussions. People meet there for casual work discussions, for Bible study, and just to catch up with friends. Different political views are espoused with different levels of grace and intelligence. <div><br /></div><div>I was raised in a Republican home and I would describe my parents as "Gerald Ford Republicans." They don't go foaming at the mouth about social issues and really are mild-mannered people who like a balanced budget. They are far more comfortable with George Will than Sarah Palin. My dad's family was Republican in rural Kentucky, where they were a distinct minority. I remember that my Granny was a Democrat, but Granddaddy was a Republican. My mom's step-dad was very active in the Democratic party, but she converted upon marrying my dad. After college, I switched parties for reasons that I don't have time or energy to explain, at least not in this post. However, it's interesting that I can get swept up in the emotions of party loyalty. I felt loyalty to the Republican party as a teenager, and feel similar loyalty to the Democratic party today. I don't like that about myself. I want to think for myself and come to opinions about issues on a case-by-case basis. Like many well-intentioned people, I try to do that. But a lot of times, we let our loyalties simplify things and we take simple opinions on complex issues. That seems to be what those in power want us to do, even though on many issues, there isn't much difference between the two parties. <div><br /></div><div>Like the weather, everyone complains about the political climate, but noone does anything about it. I'm not sure what can be done, though. I would like to think that I am becoming increasingly a-political in some ways as I mature and move forward - that being in a pastor's family is helping me see all people, regardless of their political persuasion, as love-worthy children of God. Maybe it is. I have many friends who are fiercely loyal to one of the two major American political parties, and I'm sure some who belong to wacky nut-job minority parties. I don't think less of my Republican friends because of their political leanings, but it can get uncomfortable when politics come up. I just try to avoid those conversations. I would like to be able to disagree with people on political issues without feeling anger brewing between us. So that's at least partially my problem. We just seem to take things too personally.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's been said that one problem is that we're always dividing every issue into two sides. Maybe we could start with the realization that there are almost always more than two sides to most issues. This does not drive ratings on cable news channels, but if everyone would just take a deep breath and be honest with each other, maybe we could find some common ground. </div></div><div><br /></div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-84450236485524866652010-10-18T19:58:00.000-04:002010-10-19T08:27:43.958-04:00time for an updateIt has been too long since the last post. To my imaginary readers, I apologize. If there are any actual readers, I apologize to you too, if you've been wondering what's going on.<div><br /></div><div>Turns out, there's quite a lot going on. School has been back in session for almost two months. This involves lots of driving for us - mainly me - and thus a different work environment. Really, it's kinda nice to have the routine again. Even though working in public places leads to distractions, it's not any worse than being interrupted to referee fights and to try to come up with new ways to fight summer boredom. The first part of summer was fun, but once the summer boredom showed up (camps and trips done, just counting down the days until school started), life became difficult. So now there's a ridiculously busy school routine to follow, but no one is really bored.</div><div><br /></div><div>At church, new and different things have begun to happen. Shortly after my last post, way back in June, we had our Senior recognition Sunday for high school and college graduates. At churches everywhere, this is one of those days when people who have been inactive for a while will make a point to come back. One of those families with a graduate fits that description, and the dad drives a school bus. He knows the kids on his route very well. Knows their families and their different struggles. It is not a bus route through gated communities with immaculate yards. He picks up at trailer parks and old country houses with no A/C. Families without steady employment. These are not people who typically have insurance cards in their wallets. The parents may not speak English well.</div><div><br /></div><div>So our bus driver decided that it might be a good idea to invite the kids to come to church. We are now averaging about 20-25 children per week in Sunday School. Earlier this year, we were probably averaging about 5, with 3 of them being the pastor's kids. It has been quite a blessing. I must admit that I was a bit concerned about how all these kids might be accepted by the parishioners. We live in a time when there's a lot of screaming on cable news channels about immigration, and let's face it, the rural South does not have a great reputation for embracing diversity, especially in churches (ironically enough). How would these older folks react to the influx of Latinos and poor white kids from the trailer parks? Silly pastor's husband, they reacted with overwhelmingly open arms! I overheard more than one person comment about how they needed to get the kids' parents to come too. And this is slowly happening. There have been a couple baptisms and new faces showing up at worship. It seems that God is moving here.</div><div><br /></div><div>On a related front, this is a hugely important week for our church. Instead of fighting the "worship wars" about style ("traditional" vs. contemporary), we are leaving the sacred cow 11:00am worship service as is - traditional - and starting a new contemporary service on Sunday evenings. The focus of this new service is to try to attract (I hate that word in this context) the unchurched (I hate that word in any context). Should I say "reach the lost" instead? Nah, too paternalistic - sounds too much like <b>we </b>are the ones doing the "saving." How about something like, "inviting and welcoming people to come as they are to experience the love of Jesus?" Ack! Whatever, I am excited about the possibilities even if I can't come up with better syntax for it. We want to create a space for folks (like these kids' parents) who might not be comfortable in the traditional worship environment. The music will be very good - our fabulous pastor has called on a contact from one of her div school field ed appointments who has promised to help us for the first six months. He's basically doing it for gas money. And we have had some anonymous donations to fund different aspects of this service - including a BBQ dinner to kick things off. It does seem that God is moving here.</div><div><br /></div><div>Of course, it's not like everything is perfect - if it were, we wouldn't be talking about the church. There are always concerns and worries about something, but usually it's money. We do tend to hold onto it tightly. Of course, with our economy sputtering along and unemployment stuck at an uncomfortable level, it makes sense to be prudent with our resources. But most of the worry and angst is not about being a good steward - it seems to me to be about control. About not trusting in the abundance of the kingdom of God. This is just my opinion, but I don't think that the worst thing you can do with money is to spend it. Spending foolishly can get you into trouble, but sometimes holding onto it too tightly is the worst thing you can do. I think there are parables from Jesus that make that point. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's interesting how people can miss the movement of the Holy Spirit when it is right there in front of them. I include myself in the word "people" here, by the way. God help me not to be petty and cheap with my love, with my money, with my time. Let us be bold, let us be thought fools by the world, let us go all in on this mission. Why else are we here?</div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-41381718614771058702010-06-02T10:16:00.000-04:002010-06-02T11:03:03.068-04:00world of hurtFor some reason, I have become more and more aware recently of the tremendous number of people walking around in pain. Not physical pain - though there's certainly plenty of that, but mental/spiritual pain. My wife does not share the details of her counseling sessions, and I don't really want her to. It's not that I don't care about the lives of the parishioners, I just don't want to have to keep any more secrets than necessary. But I do know how she acts or seems to feel after counseling others. There is a need for her to process what she hears, and I can be a sounding board for that. In that process, I do get some information about what's going on, but not enough details for it to feel like gossip. Maybe it's wrong, I don't know. I do know that I try very hard no to let any of these details affect the way I treat or feel about anyone. It has been quite an eye-opener to realize how many folks are really hurting. There are people who seem to be happy and well-adjusted, but inside they are suffering. I know that's not a big revelation in and of itself, but I suppose what's striking to me is the scale of the suffering. It seems to be a part of our human condition in this world - we suffer. All of us at least some of the time suffer. I am really lucky in that my suffering has been quite limited to this point. A broken heart or two on the way to finding my soul mate. A couple miscarriages. The deaths of grandparents and some friends. All sad, but all typical experiences that most folks find along life's path.<div><br /></div><div>Some folks' lives are pretty much a train wreck, and the wreckage is in plain view. It is hard for me to relate to lives ruined by alcoholism, marital infidelity, untimely deaths of spouses and children, economic misfortune, and the list goes on.</div><div><br /></div><div>Others' lives contain more subtle suffering. A marriage is lifeless, two people surviving in the same house without sharing themselves with each other. Quiet resentment constantly simmering. Distrust and shame between two people that pledged to spend their lives together as one flesh. But to the outside world, they seem like a normal, happy couple.<br /><div><br /></div><div>One of the drawbacks to being the only pastor on staff is that there's no one else to help you navigate the intricate relationships among the parishioners. Especially in the beginning of our time here, it is hard to know whom to trust. Now that we've been here a year, we have a slightly better idea of the different personalities here, but there is still much to learn. As we find out more about the sources of dysfunction in this place (and all churches have some level of dysfunction, of course), I suppose more suffering past and present will come to light. I think it's important not to get overwhelmed by it. As hard as it is to discuss, bringing it out into the light will help us move forward. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>I don't like it when folks try to dismiss life's suffering with happy God-talk. What I mean is the idea that we should always be happy because we have Jesus who promises us eternal life with God, so why should we ever be sad? "Smile, Jesus loves you!" Well of course he does. But the acknowledgement of suffering does not indicate a lack of faith. Happy God-talk is not compassion. It is Polyanna foolishness most of the time. I am not going to be happy when I see others suffering (at least I hope I won't - there are some folks who I probably would want to see suffer - but then when the actual suffering comes, I'd probably feel bad). Empathy and compassion are traits of Jesus Christ, who we are supposed to emulate, and displaying these traits doesn't always feel good.</div><div><br /></div><div>But we are supposed to have joy, and I think this is achievable. I say achievable as if it's something we can get through our own effort, but I think it's a gift. Along with the sad realities that we learn about in the lives of those we are coming to love, there is much to be joyful about, even beyond the joy of our adoption as sons and daughters of the most high God. There are babies born and couples renewing their wedding vows. There are moments of grace in worship and in fellowship together. For me, there is laughter and fellowship in Sunday school and at covered dish dinners. And there is joy in watching my family try hard to live into what God has planned for us. We fall, but God picks us up. One year into my wife's first appointment, I feel like we are in the right place for now.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-37789657914919427282010-02-04T09:04:00.000-05:002010-02-08T19:02:59.412-05:00zero-sum livingI have been thinking lately about the "economy of lack" that we seem to live in. There's this idea that there's not enough to go around - we have to grab all we can and hoard it just in case. This way of thinking has been described as social Darwinism. You have to want not only to survive and thrive, but you must do it at the expense of others. It's like life is a zero-sum game. If you don't succeed and others do, their success will come at your expense. So get yours before they can get theirs.<div><br /></div><div>I don't see this as living into the kingdom of God. Is there not enough in the kingdom of God? Do we really believe in the KOG?</div><div><br /></div><div>Obviously, we are responsible for our own success. The most effective way to secure one's own success is through hard work and perseverance. There's no reason to expect that one can or should live comfortably while doing absolutely nothing to take care of themselves. So everyone is expected to pull their own weight. In theory, I suppose that would mean that we would all work hard, so we'd all be able to take care of ourselves. But that's in theory. If we work hard, will we always be rewarded? If we work hard, can we be truly self-reliant? No man is an island, right? Are we supposed to be peninsulas? Or are we our brothers' and sisters' keepers?</div><div><br /></div><div>Are we supposed to take care of each other or blame others who need our help? Why do they need our help anyway? Shouldn't they have planned better? Shouldn't they have lived better? Maybe they need help because they are just plain lazy, or made bad decisions, or are living an immoral lifestyle. Maybe we can pick and choose whom we help. There are some people I don't want to help. They don't really want to change the way they're living. So why should they get the benefit of the hard work of others? </div><div><br /></div><div>This way of thinking reminds me of the "deutoronomic thought" of old. By this $50 word, I mean the idea that God punishes the wicked and rewards the good. If you are suffering in any way - physical disabilities, economic troubles, etc - it is because of sin. If you are doing well, it is because God is rewarding your righteousness. Usually, this concept is rejected if you discuss it in a Sunday School class. We claim that this is a silly idea, blaming someone's handicap on the sin of their parents or their own sin. But do we really reject this way of thinking? I think this way of thinking is still prevalent among Christians today.</div><div><br /></div><div>For the most part, we don't associate physical handicaps with sin. But we do tend to lean heavily on the "it's their own fault" way of thinking for many other problems. Of course, a lot of times it is their own fault, at least some of it. Sometimes it really is the result of bad decisions. We live in a broken world, though. People make decisions that are bad for themselves. People make decisions that are bad for others. There is both personal and systemic sin to blame for many tragic situations. </div><div><br /></div><div>But there is good news. We serve a God who will pay us a full day's wage, even if we can't find work until late in the day. If we are truly followers - imitators - of this God, then we must have at least some of this sort of generosity of spirit. That doesn't mean we are doormats to those who would take advantage. It is possible to be generous in our treatment of others while still holding each other accountable. But we needn't spend much energy worrying that people will take advantage of us. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5381396849382697889.post-66319561743885198222010-01-28T10:31:00.001-05:002010-01-28T11:16:51.312-05:00Getting startedI am not sure how this experiment is going to work out. I don't like to read about other people's naval-gazing, and I don't know if people will want to read mine. But I do like putting my thoughts in writing, and I can't seem to keep journals around for very long - either my daughter gets a hold of them and fills them with precious pictures and writing, or they get lost in the van. Or I just get out of the habit and don't write for a long time.<div><br /></div><div>So here goes.</div><div><br /></div><div>I recently became a pastor's husband. I didn't marry a pastor, my wife became one. And I am thrilled about that - it's who she was born to be. Sometime, I should write about how we met, fell in love, got married, had 3 beautiful babies, and jumped into the pastoral ministry adventure. But that seems like too much to tackle in my first post.</div><div><br /></div><div>I do enjoy the idea of being a pastor's spouse. I have always been a "helper" person, instead of the person in charge - it fits my personality. Being the pastor's husband - as opposed to the pastor's wife - is a somewhat unusual situation. I'm certainly not the only one, and the Methodist church has been ordaining women as pastors for about 50 years, but still, most people don't know quite what to do with me. I don't play the organ or host Bible studies in the parlor for the ladies of the church. I am not impeccably dressed every Sunday, nor do I keep the home spotless just in case parishoners drop by unexpectedly(not living in the parsonage has kept this situation from happening very often). But I do have a role to play, don't I? I make sure the kids are marginally presentable on Sunday morning and that they are safe. We are very cautious about them being alone with anyone at church, even those people we tend to trust the most. This (I think justified) paranoia comes from experience at a previous church, and it is my most important responsibility. I teach a Sunday School class too, but that's the extent of my visible service to the church.</div><div><br /></div><div>I think my calling is as a helper to my wife, and that's how most of my service takes place. Helping sometimes involves physical activity - helping to set up a room or something for Bible study, etc. But usually it is just giving her moral support and doing a lot of listening. The role of pastor is a difficult one - there are lots of people to please, if you are a "pleaser." Expectations are very high, and no one thinks you're working hard. There are no real days off unless you move mountains to get everything covered, get out of town, and turn off the cell phone. Most folks in the church are well-intentioned, good people. And at every church, there are some who are not. The issues of power and control are present wherever people organize themselves into a group, and the church is certainly no exception - in fact, it is a "poster-child" for this problem.</div><div><br /></div><div>So in her first appointment, there is a difficult learning curve to ascend. I think she's doing great, but we're both neurotic enough, that it's still an everyday challenge. We're getting there, I think. The trick will be to be patient and take a long-term view, and to remember why we are here.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and I didn't mention my job yet. I am an engineer who works for a software company. We make software for engineers who design chips. I spent a lot of time in graduate school for this, and I like my job most of the time. My career is impacted by our choice to do this ministry thing, but not severely. My company has an office about 100 miles from where we are serving - until the summer of 2009, I worked there at least 1 day a week. Prior to my wife starting seminary, I was there every day. But the people in my work group are all on the other side of the continent, so as long as I have a reliable internet connection, I can work most anywhere. This is quite a blessing, and has made our move possible (or at least more tolerable).</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14045516539837579240noreply@blogger.com2