Granted. We just lost six weeks of posts, RP's, and PM's again. No, the world won't end, but man, we're sick of this. Thanks a lot, Mister Wish-For-May.

I wish the World Cup weren't over.

alleycat

07-10-2006, 05:15 PM

Granted. The World Cup of Horseshoes is just getting underway. President Bush is expect to toss out the first horseshoe. Last year they had Dick Cheney do it but he ended up hitting a spectator in the head.

I wish the first paragraph I wrote this morning wasn't so awkward.

MidnightMuse

07-10-2006, 05:59 PM

Granted. Now the whole manuscript is awkward and that first paragraph from this morning fits in perfectly.

I wish I had a ticker for how many days until I get a clue.

Cath

07-10-2006, 06:05 PM

Granted, unfortunately it's a very long ticker and you get booted off AW because of it.

I wish I'd written in the third person not first person this morning, so I didn't have to go back and re-write it.

MidnightMuse

07-10-2006, 11:20 PM

Granted. Trouble is, two weeks ago you wrote 10,000 words in first person accidentally, so you'll have to go fix those now.

I wish you could make pudding with soy milk.

davids

07-10-2006, 11:41 PM

Granted but the consistency is the problem not the soy

I wish growing older did not sometimes preclude growing wiser

Rivana

07-10-2006, 11:59 PM

Granted. Now you're old and ignorant.

I wish I won 1 million dollars on the lottery.

davids

07-11-2006, 12:06 AM

Granted. But no matter how much you win it wont help

I wish ignorance was not bliss

Rivana

07-11-2006, 12:11 AM

Granted, but you'll still never find bliss.

I wish I would get the job I'm going to apply for.

MidnightMuse

07-11-2006, 12:14 AM

Granted. Here's your shovel, the cows are in that barn to your left :)

I wish I had a kiwi.

Rivana

07-11-2006, 12:16 AM

Granted. It's been poisoned though and sadly you die in horrible agony.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

Cath

07-11-2006, 12:17 AM

Granted, you're now 0.0000001 of an inch taller.

I wish my friend's kitty would come home.

Rivana

07-11-2006, 12:18 AM

Granted, she's in your home and refuses to leave. Leading to your friend breaking up with you.

I wish life was a bit easier on us sometimes.

jbal

07-11-2006, 01:26 AM

Granted, but it's easier because you're in a coma.
I wish I had internet at home so I could stop looking at this site at work all day.

Cath

07-11-2006, 01:30 AM

Granted, but your company's found out you've been looking at this site all day and you're now fired.

I wish I could build my own house.

MidnightMuse

07-11-2006, 01:58 AM

Granted. But it's an igloo. How are those midwest summers?

I wish I could build an igloo.

arrowqueen

07-11-2006, 02:15 AM

You can - but putting in that central-heating system was probably a mistake.

I wish I could find something interesting in the fridge.

Cath

07-11-2006, 03:50 AM

You can - unfortunately the haggis has been in there for several years and has grown legs. On the plus side, you'll be able to hire it out for the haggis hunting season.

I wish I could get hold of tins of haggis over here...

MidnightMuse

07-11-2006, 04:49 AM

Granted, but it's via mail order and the sheep intestine is suspect. ( i think it's goat)

I wish I could visit Scotland (home of my grandparents)

Cath

07-11-2006, 04:53 AM

Granted, unfortunately they mistake you for an English person and chase you out of the country.

I wish I could find a decent Indian restaurant near here.

MidnightMuse

07-11-2006, 04:59 AM

Granted, but they don't serve Yak stew, only Buffalo. And you had that hankerin' for Yak. so sad.

I wish the sky was green.

alleycat

07-11-2006, 05:11 AM

Granted. But now we won't know where to stop mowing.

I wish all my evening chores were done.

FreeStyle

07-11-2006, 06:02 AM

Granted. But now you have all the time in the world to write your novel. It sells, becomes an instant best-seller and your heralded as a premiere new author. Awful isn't it? Since you deep down fear success.

I wish I knew what deja vu really was.

Cath

07-11-2006, 05:16 PM

Granted. But now you have all the time in the world to write your novel. It sells, becomes an instant best-seller and your heralded as a premiere new author. Awful isn't it? Since you deep down fear success.

I wish I knew what deja vu really w... huh? Oh, yeah, right.

I wish I could stay at home all day today and write while the muse is lingering.

alleycat

07-11-2006, 05:22 PM

Granted. You get to stay at home with the muse . . . your muse happens to be a college frat boy dressed in a toga who plays Whitesnake on the stereo all day long and cleans out your fridge.

I wish I had a muse who looked like Nicole Kidman.

FreeStyle

07-11-2006, 08:08 PM

Granted. But she hardly comes by anymore given she's now a muse model and you can't get close to her since she gets surrounded by other muses trying to get her autograph anytime she's seen in public.

I wish I could paint great masterpieces.

MidnightMuse

07-11-2006, 08:39 PM

Granted. But when the cops catch you in the next museum with that can of paint, ruining priceless paintings, you're gonna be shot on sight.

I wish I had straight hair.

Cath

07-11-2006, 09:25 PM

Granted - but now it only grows to a millimeter long.

I wish I could think of a wish.

alleycat

07-11-2006, 09:28 PM

Granted. You wish that your old buddy ac won ten million dollars in the lottery.

Granted. The rain has stopped...everywhere...and it won't be starting up again any time this millenium. Boy oh boy is the earth screwed.

I wish I didn't have a swim meet tonight.

Rivana

07-13-2006, 09:58 PM

Granted. It had been moved to yesterday and you missed it.

I wish old couts wouldn't make advances on me either.

davids

07-13-2006, 10:03 PM

Granted-but what about nice old couts that live such a long way away and are not dangerous even a tiny little bit-say-like-um-perhaps platonic flirting?

I wish that time will not pass us by-even though time don't care!

Rivana

07-13-2006, 10:08 PM

Heh. No, I don't think so Davids. Sorry old man. ;-)

Granted, time will just run over you and your imaginary friend instead.

I wish they could come up with some new jokes for Simpsons.

davids

07-13-2006, 11:02 PM

Granted-you sure know how to hurt a disinterested party young lady-and me just trying to help

I wish Swedish hockey players wood rot in their hockey sticks since I am only pucking around

Lady Cat

07-14-2006, 01:39 AM

Granted, but unfortunately you wished a little too hard and now all hockey sticks everywhere have rotted!

I wish I could win just enough in the lottery to pay off all my bills.

davids

07-14-2006, 02:19 AM

Granted if you will buy me a Praline and cream ice cream cone-alright?

I wish I wasn't making so much money-the guilt of hording is killing me-no you can't have any

MidnightMuse

07-14-2006, 02:20 AM

Granted - you mail it all to me for safekeeping. You know you can trust me :D I'll just hold it all for you, for that rainy day :)

I wish it was July 24th and my week-off-for-writing-non-stop was here already.

Cath

07-14-2006, 02:33 AM

Granted. But now you have to write non-stop - that means no sleep, no food, no toilet breaks...:eek: ... enjoy!

I wish I had loads of money to spend in the art shop tommorrow.

arrowqueen

07-14-2006, 02:59 AM

You do. Unfortunately all they have in stock is painting-by-numbers on velvet. Enjoy!

I wish somebody would buy a story this week.

Cath

07-14-2006, 03:00 AM

Granted. But it's not one of your stories.

I wish my cats would stop whinging for food.

FreeStyle

07-14-2006, 04:59 AM

Granted. They've been fed by the neighbor and they are your cats no more.

I wish I had a whole giant bowl of pistachios!

MidnightMuse

07-14-2006, 05:01 AM

Granted, but it's 3,987 lbs and sitting in your lap.

I wish just once the evening news would say "There is No news, tonight."

Cthulhu

07-14-2006, 05:02 AM

Granted, but they lied and you now are clueless of the nuclear warhead aimed right at your house.

I wish my muse would come back from vacation...

FreeStyle

07-14-2006, 05:08 AM

Granted. But she's exhausted and still needs a few weeks off to recover.

I wish a had a bottle of beer to go with my pistachios.:)

Cath

07-14-2006, 05:21 AM

Granted, but with that combination of beer and pistachios, you now have a giant mess to clean up when you regain consciousness.

I wish I had my green card already.

Rivana

07-14-2006, 02:40 PM

Granted. Unfortunately, it's just a card of the color green and nothing more.

I wish my father would stop harassing me every other minute.

poetinahat

07-14-2006, 04:04 PM

Granted. Mom's taken over, and she's much more 'understanding'.

I wish I hadn't already had too much caffeine today.

alleycat

07-14-2006, 04:12 PM

Granted. The coffee was really decaf. Now, of course, you're too lethargic to get anything done and then your wife gets mad at you and gives you the "silence treatment". The "butterfly effect" has just ruined your weekend.

I wish I could decide on the opening for the story I'm writing.

Cthulhu

07-14-2006, 06:24 PM

Sure, but you choose the worst one imaginable and are black-listed from all forms of publishing for life.

We wish that fruit was not always hard and uneatable when we want to taste some sweet delights and the supermarket expected us to buy stuff you had to let ripen at home instead of the vine-Yah I know that is unprofitable and impractcal for them but it's just a wish

MidnightMuse

07-14-2006, 09:59 PM

Granted. Now all the fruit at the stores is OVER ripe. Nice and gooey. Only good for squishing into martinis.

I wish someone would wash my car, it's so pretty when it's clean.

davids

07-14-2006, 10:03 PM

Whasa mattah no rain in Seattle? Granted nevertheless

I wish Segafredo was easy to find

arrowqueen

07-16-2006, 03:01 AM

It is - unfortunately you have developed a coffee allergy and can't drink it without coming out in big, red lumps.

I wish I could stay in bed tomorrow.

P.H.Delarran

07-16-2006, 03:04 AM

granted. you party hearty tonight and will be too hung over to get up. for days.

i wish my dog had not chewed up the pool toys.

lazy_sod

07-16-2006, 03:10 AM

Granted. He chewed up your most expensive pair of shoes instead.

I wish I didn't have to babysit tonight, but still got paid for it.

P.H.Delarran

07-16-2006, 03:11 AM

granted, the kids bribe you to leave them on their own, but they accidentally burn down their house in your absence. you are in so much trouble.

i wish i could be 16 again for one day.

Cath

07-16-2006, 03:34 AM

Granted, unfortunately, you're back in school with all the nasty, trendy high school kiddies and they make your day a misery.

I wish I could buy that house I want.

Nim

07-16-2006, 06:50 AM

granted, but the vacant house next door is being converted into a rave club specializing in the new genre of punk rock yodeling

I wish i could lose 10 pounds

lazy_sod

07-16-2006, 07:00 AM

Granted. Unfortunately those ten pounds were lost through the amputation of various body parts. But other than the missing limbs, you look fabulous.

I wish for pizza.

Nim

07-16-2006, 07:08 AM

granted, though I think that's a ring finger mixed in with your cheese! and there's an ear, and a few toes, and I'm pretty sure that's not tomato sauce...

I wish I could have a 104 inch plasma TV

janetbellinger

07-16-2006, 09:44 PM

Done. Now all you have to do is figure out how it works. It may be awhile...

I wish I could focus on my editing today.

arrowqueen

07-17-2006, 01:44 AM

Granted. You're so focused it takes you twelve hours to remove one comma - then put it back again.

I wish a handsome gardener would come and pull out all my weeds.

Cath

07-17-2006, 01:47 AM

Granted, unfortunately, although he's handsome he's also a bit thick and he pulls out all your plants as well. Your garden is now just grass and earth.

I wish I could make a living as a writer.

MidnightMuse

07-17-2006, 05:10 AM

Granted. The JC Penney's catalog hires you to write the descriptions for their childrens clothing line. And if you're good, you can move up to women's swimsuits.

I wish tomorrow wasn't Monday.

poetinahat

07-17-2006, 05:15 AM

Granted. TODAY is Monday. Welcome to my side of the international dateline.

I wish the Yankees would stop winning.

MidnightMuse

07-17-2006, 05:20 AM

Granted. They play the Mariners next and . . . oh wait . . . sorry.

I wish the Mariners would start winning.

NightWynde

07-17-2006, 12:03 PM

Granted. Look for them at the Tiddlywinks championships.

I wish that this headache would go away (but not my head, I'm rather attached to it).

Jaycinth

07-17-2006, 06:01 PM

POOF!!! While you were sitting there arguing with your friend's ex-jerk's Mother in Law the headache vanished...replaced by one gigantic pain in the.... OH MY LIVING SUMP PUMP!!!!

I wish I could understand how the idiots managed to get the roll of paper twisted up and jammed in the adding machine...(oops, maybe I should wish I'll never find out.)

MidnightMuse

07-17-2006, 06:37 PM

Granted. But by GOD you wish you'd never found out !!

I wish my sore throat would go away.

threedogpeople

07-17-2006, 07:05 PM

Granted but now your genitalia is swollen to twice it normal size and you have to sit on jury duty, 10 hours a day, for the next 2 weeks.

I wish my new flooring would arrive early....

MidnightMuse

07-17-2006, 07:10 PM

Granted, it's early, it's the wrong color, wrong style, and ten square feet too short. And the installer has serious BO and a crush on you.

I wish I had ten chimpanzees to finish typing my WIP.

davids

07-17-2006, 07:10 PM

Granted but it wont help bury the past

I wish sensitivity was not forced on the insensitive by the courts

Jaycinth

07-17-2006, 07:30 PM

Granted!. The courts have been replaced by the entire Spanish Inquisition. These rocking fellows have been transported up time in all their black and red glory to right the wrongs of our curent court system.

So let's all get on our knees and wail like the simmers we are cause here comes that craaaazeee preacher, that paragon of unwashedness, that flailer of the unrepentant.... I give you..

SAVANROLA!!

Burn Vanities..burn.
(Chee, I think Medevalist is gonna get me on this one too...)

I wish people would stop giving me openings like this. (Wink);) ;)

MidnightMuse

07-17-2006, 07:32 PM

Granted. This time I'll simply say: 'Cindy'

I wish Ryan Reynolds would walk in through my office door.

davids

07-17-2006, 07:37 PM

Granted-is he some kind of deep intellectual type sex toy?

I wish that Muse would did not have this tiny foible for the sexually challenged

MidnightMuse

07-17-2006, 11:22 PM

Granted. Now I have a HUGE foible :D

I wish I had a pony.

davids

07-18-2006, 12:58 AM

Granted-can you paddock a foiblescious pony?

I wish that we could sit in worldy awe of a camp fire and coombaya and not piss anybody off-even if I don't know how to spell that word

Rivana

07-18-2006, 01:01 AM

Granted, unfortunately that campfire would be in the south-pole.

I wish making the world a better place wasn't always an uphill struggle.

davids

07-18-2006, 01:56 AM

Granted but it is God's will don't ya know?

I wish agnosticism was a word. (that I could understand at least)

Cath

07-18-2006, 02:18 AM

Bingo - it is, and you use it frequently. Unfortunately, it carries the same penalty as saying Jehovah in a Monty Python film - enjoy your stoning!

I wish it wasn't so humid today.

Rivana

07-18-2006, 02:32 AM

Granted. All the humidity was sucked into a giant typhoon and you happen to be out on a boat heading its way. My what a wondeful day... ;-)

I wish I could control all time.

NightWynde

07-18-2006, 02:57 PM

Granted, but you have permanently lost the ability to tell what time it is (even whether it is day, night, or what season).

I wish I could quit smoking without replacing it with another deadly/dangerous/fattening habit.

davids

07-18-2006, 06:07 PM

granted but you can only drink so much water

I wish that when I posted (even crappy) poetry in the critique poetry forum that at least more than one person would read it-don't care if I suck but some at least marginal response might be nice

janetbellinger

07-19-2006, 06:29 AM

Granted but that one person is an anonymous troll.

I wish I could hold my breath longer underwater.

emeraldcite

07-19-2006, 06:38 AM

Granted, but you sink like a stone into the Mariana Trench.

I wish for a competent leader of my nation.

P.H.Delarran

07-19-2006, 11:33 AM

Granted. He was born yesterday. It will take him nearly fifty years before he's elected. Hope you're still around.

I wish I could travel, far and often.

poetinahat

07-19-2006, 11:39 AM

Granted; you're a superball. (Pretty cool, if you ask me.)

I wish everybody got one do-over in life.

NightWynde

07-19-2006, 11:52 AM

Granted, but you screwed it up worse the second time around. And to think, you almost made it into heaven. Ah well, too bad for you.

I wish there was a law against saying "Have a nice day" or it's equivelant when you don't really mean it.

P.H.Delarran

07-19-2006, 11:57 AM

granted. salutations of any kind are banned. shhhh.

i wish my writing would reflect what's really in my head.

Cath

07-19-2006, 03:00 PM

Granted, it now looks like a pile of brain, by which I mean mushy and gross.

I wish I could train the cat to bring me a cuppa in the morning.

alleycat

07-19-2006, 03:23 PM

Granted. You can easily train your cat to do that. Unfortunately, you can't keep him from licking out of it first. "Hmmmmm . . . needs more cream."

I wish my cat would just stop getting underfoot all the time, especially in the morning.

Cath

07-19-2006, 03:41 PM

Granted, she clings to your back with really sharp claws instead - now isn't that better?

I wish inspiration would strike.

MidnightMuse

07-19-2006, 06:19 PM

Granted, but it struck the neighbor boy and now he's doing very creative things to your car.

I wish I could write while I sleep.

Jaycinth

07-19-2006, 06:53 PM

You can and you do. May I say it is brilliant? thanks..It is brilliant!!!

However I'm wondering why you are sleepwalking supported by a tiny bungee cord suspended under the Golden Gate Bridge. But hey, at least all the grammer and spelling is correct. I can read it with binoculars. Oh look the fire rescue is coming for you. I don't think they are happy. . .

I wish I had the stapler from my desk at my old job on my desk here instead of this piece of junk new fangled imitation stapler that doesn't.

Cath

07-19-2006, 08:49 PM

Granted, unfortunately its most recent owner has been treating it badly and it now tries to staple you to the desk at every opportunity.

I wish I could run the air conditioning 24/7 without having to pay for it.

MidnightMuse

07-19-2006, 09:03 PM

Granted. Welcome to the Antartic. The AC is completely free, and runs 24/7.

I wish someone would massage my left shoulder.

Rivana

07-19-2006, 09:26 PM

Granted. But you've just lost your soul in the bargain. Tough luck.

I wish I didn't have to have an operation in Sept.

alleycat

07-19-2006, 09:30 PM

Granted. We'll just move it to November. Problem solved.

I wish I hadn't had to go to an company insurance meeting this morning and take lunch late.

Jaycinth

07-19-2006, 10:29 PM

POOF!!! The people decided early that the meeting was going to run overtime, so they held the meeting in a wonderrful, exotic, and very expensive restaurant. The company is paying the bill.

So for lunch you get Alpaca Urine Champagne, Llama Thigh Tartare, with extra habenero peppers, smothered in onions, chestnut salad with raw sweetgrass, semi processed oats, regurgitated goat kibble and fermented hamster milk cheese. Desert is unripe starfruit, mixed with low fat cottage cheese make from yak milk, topped with unsweetened pomegranate seeds and cranberries, and served with coffee made from seeds eaten by a civit cat, excreted then roasted.

That will make up for the fact that the meeting will last so long, you'll miss dinner.

I wish I had some nicer jewelry.

MidnightMuse

07-19-2006, 10:45 PM

Granted. You're now sporting rare and expensive gems. Unfortunately, you didn't pay enough for them and DeBeers has contracted a hit on you. So sad.

I wish chocolate wasn't fattening.

janetbellinger

07-20-2006, 05:02 AM

Granted. Chocolate is now comprised totally of ground up lettuce with artificial chocolate flavour added - no calories.

I wish that I could improve at roller blading.

MidnightMuse

07-20-2006, 05:49 AM

Granted. You've become So good, you've single-handidly revived the disco era. Now you have no time to write, and you have to spend hours skating around in a circle singing Xanadu.

I wish it was Fall.

Cath

07-20-2006, 06:31 AM

Granted - unfortunately the world ends tommorrow, aren't you glad you wished away those last few months?

I wish I hadn't drunk all that wine this evening.

NightWynde

07-20-2006, 07:37 AM

Granted. But instead of that pounding hangover you would have had tomorrow, it's replaced by an incurable migraine that lasts the week.

I wish I had the power to grant wishes.

Tre

07-20-2006, 07:41 AM

Granted! You have the power to grant wishes, however they never turn out quite as you planned.

I wish I had air conditioning.

alleycat

07-20-2006, 08:53 AM

Granted. But it's one of the earlier forms . . . a block of ice and a fan.

I wish I had time to read all the books I've bought lately.

P.H.Delarran

07-20-2006, 09:03 AM

granted..you soon become laid up with a lame leg and laid off from your job, plenty of reading time.

i wish my kitchen had more cupboards.

poetinahat

07-20-2006, 09:58 AM

Granted. The doors are giant replicas of SPAM cans. You lose your appetite every time you go in the kitchen.

I wish hotel bellhops still wore those great pillbox hats and short jackets with gold-braid epaulets.

alleycat

07-20-2006, 10:03 AM

Granted. I'll get you tickets to a gay bar.

I wish I knew what "special needs" was yakking about half the time.

P.H.Delarran

07-20-2006, 10:49 AM

ohhhh what a delicious wish-granted! you now have a 24/7 psychic link connecting you to her deepest thoughts. every single thought all day long. careful what you ask for. (no offense sn :) )

i wish i could keep my electric bill down.

alleycat

07-20-2006, 03:29 PM

Granted. Let me just unplug a few of those energy sucking appliances . . . the blow dryer, the fridge, the washing machine and dryer, the oven, the TV, the stereo, and the computer. There you go. Well, I guess you can't read it now.

I wish I had one of those people who do all your errands for you.

Jaycinth

07-20-2006, 06:40 PM

Granted. You have 'Cindy'. But she's got the flu, halitosis, and is so scared of vampires she bathes in garlic oil daily.

I wish the polar-bear's habitat wasn't disentegrating.

MidnightMuse

07-20-2006, 06:51 PM

Granted. Welcome to the next ice age. Please be careful ice fishing and watch out for bears on the trek back to the igloo. If you see something move, throw 'Cindy' down and run.

I wish my cat hadn't pulled down the curtain after being frightened by the blender, leaving me standing in my kitchen nekkid with a now uncurtained window between me and fresh clothing. It was unfortunate. :D

davids

07-20-2006, 06:59 PM

Granted but it is a nice photo-thanks

I wish Jaycinth many episcopalian suppositories

Jaycinth

07-20-2006, 10:44 PM

Granted! I donated them to a local Church, chosen at random.
The new Episcopalian sponsored clinic on wheels will be pulling up to your house any moment now. The Dr. on duty used to be a Romanian weight-lifter during the cold war and has yet to stop using steroids.

Don't worry you'll be regular in a few days.
We'll be praying for you.

I wish the haters would stop massacareing trees, and I wish you would also excuse my spelling.

MidnightMuse

07-20-2006, 10:47 PM

Granted. Only I'm not sure if they're masticating trees, massacring trees, or putting mascara all over the trees :D

I wish I liked cooking.

alleycat

07-21-2006, 01:45 AM

Granted. You're going to try the recipe Susie got published in the Sun and enjoy cooking from now on.

I wish they hadn't just cancelled my book club tonight. (Anyone want some cranachan?)

davids

07-21-2006, 02:07 AM

Granted it is not cancelled-is shamus o cranachan the famous Irish Dylan Thomas clone still attending-if so I wanna be there

We wish we could write poetry with a Welsh accent and while doing it drink like Mr. Thomas

persiphone_hellecat

07-21-2006, 02:33 AM

Granted ... but do not expect to live very long, do not go gently into that good night, do not pass go and do not collect two hundred dollars.

I wish I was Queen for a Day ...

NightWynde

07-21-2006, 02:42 PM

Granted...too bad you became queen of a war-torn country on the day she was to be overthrown and assassinated.

I wish I had a year's supply of Diet Pepsi Vanilla.

alleycat

07-21-2006, 03:47 PM

Granted. But you have to unload the truck. And you have to agree to watch that Mariah Carry Pepsi commercial every day for a year.

I wish they hadn't change all the light bulbs in my office. It's like we have two suns now. I hope I typed that correctly. It's hard to see the computer screen.

Jaycinth

07-21-2006, 05:37 PM

Granted. They removed all the lightbulbs in your office and relocated your building to a planet with two suns.

Hey, at least they threw in a pay-raise to cover your commute!

I wish more psychos were posting controversial nonsense that I could pretend to take slight umbrage at, today.

alleycat

07-21-2006, 05:45 PM

Granted. One psycho coming up. I'll start a thread suggesting that everyone JUST write prologues and forget the rest of the book.

I wish I was getting more done this morning. Stop the e-mails and phone calls already!

persiphone_hellecat

07-21-2006, 05:46 PM

Granted -- but due to a technical error, all posts fro psychos go directly to your e mail along with an unusually high volume of spam from mortgage companies, viagra companies and other assorted annoying companies ... and you have to personally answer them ALL by midnight or your computer will turn into a pumpkin ...

I wish I had a date for Saturday night ...

alleycat

07-21-2006, 06:01 PM

Granted. I'll pick you up at . . . well, it might be Sunday morning before I get there. Can we go see Superman?

Granted!
Saddam, your new friend from the Yekta Persian deli down the street is taking you out for Gyros, kumquats and a bottle of sour date wine.

He thinks your nose hair is sexy.

I wish I did not have to maintain either sane or adult behavior while dealing with rude consultants.

davids

07-21-2006, 06:16 PM

Granted-get a nice publishing deal and we will all watch the video-eat Yak stew-and sing cuuuumbaya while we sit around the campfire hating you for getting a great deal

We like Jaycinth wish there were a lot more psychos around to join us in making fun of ourselves

persiphone_hellecat

07-21-2006, 06:16 PM

Granted - From now on however, you will be meeting with all the other psychos from your new room in the asylum ... Congratulations - John Hinkley needs a new room mate ... You can help him impress Jodie Foster ... You get to watch Flightplan with him every night for a month too...

I wish I had a black American Express Card ...

MidnightMuse

07-21-2006, 06:30 PM

Granted. But the NAACP has protested that it should be called the African American Express Card, so the "black" one has been recalled and is worthless now.

I wish I could speak Dolphin.

persiphone_hellecat

07-21-2006, 06:33 PM

Granted - but in order to learn, you must spend about six months swimming in their tank at Sea World and your skin gets all shriveled up and falls off ... You end up speaking leper at the colony in Kalaupapa, Hawaii under the name of Lazarus ... Don't forget to wear lots of sun block ...

I wish MTV would pimp my ride ...

NightWynde

07-21-2006, 08:18 PM

Granted...but MTV has misinterpreted your meaning of "pimp" so your car is now standing on the street corner every night selling "lube jobs."

I wish I had one of those Microsoft Natural keyboards instead of this cheapo one I got with the computer.

MidnightMuse

07-21-2006, 08:31 PM

Granted. Only after a few days of typing, you find out there's really nothing "natural" about Microsoft.

I wish I had a theater in my living room.

alleycat

07-21-2006, 08:34 PM

Granted. But your floors are sticky now and there's a loud-mouthed jerk who talks through every movie.

I wish life was simple.

MidnightMuse

07-21-2006, 08:57 PM

Granted. Welcome to the Appalachains. You can have Uncle Billy-Bob's shack. There's runnin' water down by the creek, and I'll have Jeb dig ya a new hole out back o'the wood shed. You'll be wantin' to gather up some leaves - and be careful of them thar' prickly ones.

I wish I had a swimming pool in my back yard.

NightWynde

07-21-2006, 09:03 PM

Granted...unfortunately, it's being filled by a camel who has an addiction to coffee and other such diuretics. (Fate may piddle on your shoe...and in your pool eh?)

I wish Avon made that chocolate lip gloss in that chocolate kiss again.

davids

07-21-2006, 10:20 PM

granted but we prefer chartreuse

I wish petroleum jelly came in suppositories

persiphone_hellecat

07-21-2006, 10:56 PM

Granted - and thanks to your anal retentive nature, we have this wonderful new job for you - product control tester at the rectal thermometer factory ... Don't sit down on the job!

I wish I was 18 again ...

Cath

07-21-2006, 10:59 PM

Granted - welcome to zitsville.

I wish I didn't mind the heat.

persiphone_hellecat

07-21-2006, 11:11 PM

Granted - welcome to HELL ... Mwahhhaaaaa

I wish my son would clean up his bedroom

MidnightMuse

07-21-2006, 11:12 PM

Granted. You refuse to do ANYTHING the heat tells you to do, and you're embarassed to be seen in public with it.

I wish I'd thought to put my bra in the freezer last night

davids

07-21-2006, 11:25 PM

Granted

I wish you had a nice lover who fit all your expectations and had a good memory so he could remind you to put your bra in the freezer-or even do it himself-after all what are men for-eh?

persiphone_hellecat

07-21-2006, 11:29 PM

Granted - You are that lover, Dave. Muse, send him your address. We're including a lifetime supply of viagra compliments of Pfizer.

I wish we werent about to have a thunder storm.

davids

07-21-2006, 11:34 PM

Granted

we wish you critters would stop confusing a mentor like-paternal like-agnostic like-loving platonic relationship which we have with Muse-for a disgusting passion filled-loinally perverse-torrid-bra-freezing-maniacal relationship

And I sure as hell don't need no Viagra-just my wife-so there-cheeze-can't an old fart have any fun at all?

Granted. Sadly, he's got you confused with someone else, and has just volunteered to mentor 'Cindy' and her writing career.

Damn.

I wish I was sipping a martini right now

persiphone_hellecat

07-22-2006, 01:09 AM

Granted - however you are sharing the martini with Jessica Simpson as she like tells you like all about her new boyfriend and like why she like divorced Nick and all and like why no one like appreciated her acting in The Dukes of Hazard and like how she should have been like nominated for an Emmy for that like because she was like so good and all and like how no one believes that her boobs are like genuine and that she doesnt like lip synch ... duh!

I wish I had a pony...

davids

07-22-2006, 01:25 AM

Granted but I think you might need one of the Bud Studs to pull the truck of your so whitty intellect

we wish everyone could make us chuckle like you all -like you know-like persiphone spends-like-you know-like a lot of-like time-like thinking up these-like things-like she kinda like-really-like-impresses us-like-with-like her-intellilikenesses

persiphone_hellecat

07-22-2006, 03:14 AM

Granted ... and thank you -- I think -- compliments from Dave are kind of like understanding what's going on on Lost...

invites the cast of Last Comic Standing to move into Dave's house and keep him laughing all the time ... However, I strongly suggest you avoid using the bathroom -- those guys are pigs ...

In honor of tonight's Miss Universe Pagent = I wish for world peace ... I also wish Donald Trump would give up that pathetic comb over and join Hair Club for Men

alleycat

07-22-2006, 03:35 AM

Granted. You're hired! You are now The Donald's personal hair care assistant. A fringe benefit of the job is that you will get to hear The Donald's expert opinion on every subject known to man.

I wish I would stop eating these Hershey's Kisses that are next to my computer.

davids

07-22-2006, 03:37 AM

Granted-substitute ripe sweet fruit-come on -just try it-just for one day alley-you can do it

I wish that since I am going to do some fishing tonight that the cats are feeling nippy

persiphone_hellecat

07-22-2006, 04:39 AM

Granted -- they are -- but so are the 'skeeters ... You're gonna need an ocean .....of calamine lotion ....

I wish I was on Project Runway...

Cath

07-22-2006, 04:40 AM

Granted - they attach themselves to every limb - some limbs have more than one.

I wish I hadn't waited in all day (with no air conditioning) for the guys who were supposed to come out and fix the air conditioning - but who didn't arrive, even after I phoned the office three times. :cry:

persiphone_hellecat

07-22-2006, 04:45 AM

Granted = they rescheduled your appointment -- for January 12th ...

I wish I was on Project Runway (we crossed in the mail so Dave got 2 answers for the price of one LOL)

NightWynde

07-23-2006, 07:50 AM

Granted...unfortunately, in your attempt to be supermodel thin you have collapsed on the runway in the first episode and will now be in an anorexic rehab clinic for the rest of the searson.

Never fear though, you have achieved national fame and have inspired a new quote: "Thin is in, fainting is out!"

I wish my story characters would only interrupt my life when I wanted them to.

persiphone_hellecat

07-23-2006, 09:00 AM

Granted -- Now your story characters will wait until you are ready for them ... Does that mean you want a gorgeous blonde character to wake you up in the middle of the night with a hot story line and a smile? Should we assume the character would be of the opposite sex?

I wish I was in the Mark Hopkins Hotel in San Francisco, on the top in the piano bar having a $20.00 vodka martini and watching the city below...

NightWynde

07-23-2006, 09:21 AM

Ah yes, but I'd chose the words "handsome" and "brunette", preferably looking like Bruce Campbell (though, with my characters waking me up in the middle of the night would prolly scare the snot out of me, and the one that looks like Bruce? Well, he's a werewolf. :/ )

Anyway, yours is granted. Too bad that martini is laced with poison. Who in the world have you ticked off?

I wish that Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi would show up at my doorstep and ask for my assistance in helping them write "Evil Dead 4".

persiphone_hellecat

07-23-2006, 09:25 AM

Granted -- unfortunately you are out grocery shopping at the time and they have to settle for your little brother ...

I wish hot dogs didnt come in packages of eight and buns didnt come in packages of ten ...

Deborah J

07-23-2006, 05:11 PM

Granted--hot dogs will come in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

I wish I would meet the man of my dreams.

alleycat

07-23-2006, 05:15 PM

Granted. The only trouble is you dreamed of King Kong. Have a wonderul honeymoon!

I wish I was more productive on Sundays.

persiphone_hellecat

07-23-2006, 11:13 PM

Granted - you are just ordained a minister and spend Sundays writing and delivering sermons.

I wish I was visiting the Taj Mahal with a gorgeous man.

alleycat

07-23-2006, 11:30 PM

Granted. Try the Taj Mahal restaurant on 6th Street. I recommend the Chicken Tikka Masala. Take a homeless person. But one who's good looking.

I wish I could eat watermelon and type on the computer at the same time. *spit*

persiphone_hellecat

07-23-2006, 11:59 PM

Granted -- however your refrigerator is broken and the watermelon is warm ...

I wish I could roller skate...

Cath

07-24-2006, 01:30 AM

Granted, but you didn't wish you could rollerskate well. Now you're in hospital with half a dozen broken bones and no-one to change the channel on the telly for you. Enjoy!

I wish my cats wouldn't drink out of the toilet.

davids

07-24-2006, 01:32 AM

Granted but afterall Cath maybe it is like a vodka with a twist of lime

I wish all well-I might just be done

persiphone_hellecat

07-24-2006, 02:20 AM

Granted, but when we stick a fork in you, we discover you are still medium rare, so we turn you over and leave you on the grill for a few more minutes -- rememering of course to re-season and slather on a little more BBQ sauce ...

I wish there was something on TV besides Finding Nemo ... again...

davids

07-24-2006, 02:32 AM

Granted there is a new made for T.V movie just out about a man that keeps getting flushed down the toiled-it is a psychological drama entitled the Crapper in Us

I wish I had installed an elevator in my house

MidnightMuse

07-24-2006, 04:29 AM

Granted. But it got stuck between floors, and every time you push the CALL button, your phone makes long distance calls to a sushi delivery resturaunt in Tokyo.

I wish I wasn't dripping in sweat right now.

persiphone_hellecat

07-24-2006, 04:34 AM

Granted - your dripping in honey instead -- laying naked and tied to stakes out in the desert - right next to a hill of very hungry fire ants with a Queen who has a sweet tooth ... (Grins evilly)
(I kind of like that one myself LOL)

I wish I knew what my 20 year old son was talking about half the time ...

Cath

07-24-2006, 05:48 AM

Granted - now are you sure you really want to know?

I wish I had another day in the week.

persiphone_hellecat

07-24-2006, 05:58 AM

Granted --- starting tomorrow, there will officially be two Mondays ...

I wish I had a bigger closet

hjwilde

07-24-2006, 04:05 PM

Granted - and it is filled to the top with things you don't want that you will have to clear out.

(just moved and this is what our spare room looks like :Jaw:)

I wish I worked from home

NightWynde

07-24-2006, 07:13 PM

Granted. Unfortunately it isn't your home, but isn't it fun doing maid service for a slobola of a family that couldn't be less appreciative if they tried?

I wish George Carlin's When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? was as funny as his stand-up stuff.

alleycat

07-24-2006, 07:16 PM

Granted. He is changing it to Ham for Hanukkah. It'll be a riot.

I wish I didn't have a dentist appointment tomorrow. No, I don't mind the pain, just the inconvenience.

P.H.Delarran

07-24-2006, 08:52 PM

granted, you can take mine today instead. thanks.

i wish my cat would come home.

hjwilde

07-24-2006, 09:01 PM

Granted - however when he does he brings a whole litter of friends that take over your house and shred everything.

I wish I had a cleaner

MidnightMuse

07-24-2006, 10:13 PM

Granted. Unfortunately it's one of those Merry Maids, at least you thought it was. Turns out you called Marry Mades, and you've got a mob boss's daughter vaccuming your carpet wondering where her intended is hiding.

I wish I could just THINK the words onto the page, and not have to fuss with typing, writing, or grammar checking them.

davids

07-24-2006, 10:19 PM

Granted we can supply you with an astute and erudite secretary for 85 bucks and hour-any volunteers?

We wish that Muse had an astute and erudite secretary that she did not have to pay 85bucks an hour for but that would work for cigarettes and beer

Jaycinth

07-24-2006, 11:59 PM

Granted. Chuck Nightly has a degree in journalism G.W U. but he also has a severe hygiene problem and since he's allergic to the additives...like flourine, chlorine... in the water, rarely bathes. He's got a stomach condition so halitosis comes into the picture.
He's also got an irritable bowel, made worse by his addiction to beans and cheese: he's flatulent. Oh yes. He also has a problem with his knees, requiring a special chair for him to rest his 498lb bulk in so the circulation to his legs does not get cut off.

But, because he has a trust fund that pays his bills, he is happy to work for a carton of marlboro lights and 2 cases of beer a week.

I wish that the two consultants that are annoying me had tasteless sleezy evening gowns and would put them on and dance on the border between Lebanon and Isreal singing such inflammatory off color songs that Hezbollah and the Isreali army would team up in brotherhood that would last 20 years beyond the point when they pa-doink the living karbuzzy out of the idiot consultants.

davids

07-25-2006, 12:07 AM

Granted but we would have to put useless blue helmets on so we could observe this while sucking our thumbs

I wish Jay was the president and C.E.O of the world then at least we could have a few laughs while watching the toilet drane of silly people doing tragic things

MidnightMuse

07-25-2006, 12:15 AM

Granted. Well would you look at that? She pushed the big read "do not push this" button. Oooh, pretty cloud! Looks like a mushroom, don't it?

I wish my brain wasn't currently spinning in an unobtainable orbit.

davids

07-25-2006, 12:25 AM

Granted but if it was not spinning how could you be producing that incredibly humoros WIP you are so diligently working on?

WE wish that eating raw sheep's testicles was a requirment for political office

MidnightMuse

07-25-2006, 12:34 AM

Granted - but good luck getting anyone to lead a country when they find out what Rocky Mountain Oysters really are !

I wish someone would come over and cook for me.

davids

07-25-2006, 12:39 AM

Granted-now you just have to find a tall handsome beanery boy to cook up some grits and lobster

We wish we had started a beanery in Chicago because we could be flatulent while listening to great jazz

arrowqueen

07-25-2006, 01:05 AM

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately you can listen all you like, but you're not actually going to hear it over the background noises.

I wish they'd put some decent programmes on the telly for a change.

Jaycinth

07-25-2006, 01:16 AM

Granted! There are now over 1,000 great wonderful new programs on the telly. But they are being broadcast in binary......

I wish I could go home and have a smoothie NOW!!!!( I Mean NOW Mutha.....!!)

MidnightMuse

07-25-2006, 02:17 AM

Granted. Quick, run outside or you'll miss your ride ! Oh, dang, would you look at that. And the driver was such a hotty. Oh well, I think 'Cindy' is offering rides. Home, that is.

I wish I could take a nap and wake up to find my WIP completed and incredible.

alleycat

07-25-2006, 02:24 AM

Granted. While you're napping a leprechaun finishes your WIP. It is terrific! The great book since Moby Dick. Only one small problem . . . it's written in leprechaunese. RandonHouse frowns on that I'm afraid. Hey, but it's a great book.

I wish a leprechaun would bring me a pot o' gold.

davids

07-25-2006, 02:44 AM

Granted-our brother in law is a leprechaun-he is also the Cantor at the synagogue and he will never give up his pot of gold

I wish I had become a Cantor at least I would still have a group of friends to quatch with

persiphone_hellecat

07-25-2006, 03:28 AM

Granted -- you are now a Cantor. Barbra Streisand just called - she wants you to co-star in the sequel to Yentel -- Filming starts tomorrow ... Start learning the words to Papa Can You Hear Me immediately

I wish the Yankees would win tonight

davids

07-25-2006, 03:30 AM

So the Steroid Gods win again-yawn

I wish Babe Ruth had been a cross-dressing Yankee b!tch

persiphone_hellecat

07-25-2006, 03:37 AM

Granted --- and he is in your closet right now trying on some of those ... things you dont like anybody to know about ...

I wish I was having lunch with Frank Lloyd Wright - discussing the plans for my HUGE new house complete with my own personal library and study...

davids

07-25-2006, 03:48 AM

Granted but you will have to also have a closet where we can be introverted together and try on your clothes-we suppose we should bring some of our own as we are sure you are just the most tiniest and cutest person so your clothes will not fit-would we be correct in that vapid assumption?

We wish that cross-dressing basball players were more accepted-especially since Steroid use makes them so damned cute in a pinafore

persiphone_hellecat

07-25-2006, 03:59 AM

Granted -- from now on - Just for you - your favorite team will wear those uniforms from League of Our Own ... This isnt Steven King is it? You arent one of those damn Red Sox fans are you? They would look great in those dresses ...

I wish I had a damn closet big enough just to put my regular clothes in- much less my drag queen ones LOL ...

hjwilde

07-25-2006, 04:17 PM

Granted - unfortunately it is indeed a damned closet and your bedroom now contains a portal directly to hell - do not pass go, do not collect $200....mwhahaahahahaha

I wish the air conditioning was working properly

(wooohoooooooo - my fiftieth post! - that didn't take long <g>)

Cath

07-25-2006, 04:40 PM

Granted, unfortunately someone's hidden a dead body in the system and it's starting to smell.

I wish I could just sleep all day today.

janetbellinger

07-25-2006, 06:10 PM

Granted. Unfortunately you miss that call you've been waiting for all year.

I wish I was better on roller blades.

poetinahat

07-25-2006, 06:25 PM

Granted. The problem is that you've been trying to use them on ice. You still have this trouble with figure skates on the boardwalk....

I wish Space Food Sticks were legal tender in convenience stores.

davids

07-25-2006, 06:32 PM

Granted-what are space food sticks-o.k. We am showing my ignorance-but hey-how does one learn if one does not ask?

We wish that Aliens would come to earth and declare that they are agnostics and just don't know whether or not to believe in...

Jaycinth

07-25-2006, 09:26 PM

They do. But since they all look like Michelangelo's representation of God and the Angels from the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, no one believes them, and a great deal of confusion ensues.

I wish thongs in all of their manifestations, sizes, and colors would all just vanish up the crack of a fat person's....a....Balmoral in the Summer time....!!!

alleycat

07-25-2006, 09:40 PM

Granted. Jennifer Lopez appears in her next movie wearing nothing but a thong and a tee shirt. The 26 people who actually watch the movie start a protest movement to stamp out thongs forever.

I wish my trip to the dentist this afternoon is as pleasant as taking a nap in the shade.

MidnightMuse

07-25-2006, 09:53 PM

Granted. You find that zen-like state while in the waiting room, then when you get in the chair and recline, you fall right to sleep (just like I do). Sadly, when you wake up, the dentist has a funny look on his face, and you have five shiny silver teeth in front. The pirate in the chair next to you is screaming about the white porcelian ones he got.

I wish the marine layer would stay all day and keep the temps down to a reasonable high.

NightWynde

07-25-2006, 10:38 PM

Granted. Oops! Did you say "marine"? I thought you said Marines. But don't worry, the temps have been sufficiently repressed in their cubicles due to the 7pm curfew. That should keep 'em down for a bit. Unfortunately, that curfew is doing serious damage to your party time. Ah well.

I wish muzak was replaced with a high-pitched scream that only telemarketers could hear.

Jaycinth

07-25-2006, 11:30 PM

Granted!!! And your fairy godperson appears out of nowhere and gives you a winning ( big bucks) lottery ticket and your novel is made into a movie which does so well, the first printing of the actual book is 500,000 copies and they are all presold in hardback! Life is wonderful and perfect for you....until the deaf telemarketers show up on your doorstep with ice picks and pic axes.......

I wish (still) that there were a polar bear in a pink tutu serving icecream to large mutlicolored bunnies at a nicely decorated table on the floor of the Senate today.

davids

07-25-2006, 11:36 PM

Granted-Ted kennedy is scooping

I wish liberals and conservatives could just sit around a fire and do the coombaya thing while holding hands and seeing who could keep their feet in the fire for the longest time

MidnightMuse

07-26-2006, 12:54 AM

Granted, and we'll all roast marshmellows around their burning shoes!

I wish my butt wouldn't go numb while I'm in the middle of a marathon writing session.

persiphone_hellecat

07-26-2006, 01:06 AM

Granted -- a Sharper Image vibrating chair has just been delivered to your door ... unfortunately you live in one of those parts of Queens still without electricity so since you cant use the computer it wont matter anyway

I wish I was shopping in TJ Maxx right now

davids

07-26-2006, 01:26 AM

Granted-but TJ Maxx is not longer in the clothing business they are doing quite well with a new line of chastity belts for fat people

I wish I had a chastity belt for a fat person

persiphone_hellecat

07-26-2006, 01:31 AM

Hey who wouldnt wish that? You have just gotten a new job working for designer Michael Kors measuring fat people ... take a really long tape measure to work with you ... it will come in handy ... and make sure you hide your lunch

I wish I remembered where left my car keys ...

smiley10000

07-26-2006, 10:31 AM

granted. Too bad it's inside the locked car.

I wish I wasn't jetlagged from my trip home.

poetinahat

07-26-2006, 10:52 AM

Granted; you canoed the whole way. Your arms are too sore to believe.

I wish the music shops here didn't have such a limited stock.

alleycat

07-26-2006, 10:58 AM

Granted, Autralia become the dumping ground for all the '70s disco CDs that didn't sell.

I wish TV nowadays had half the quality of some of the things Rod Serling wrote in the '50s.

Cath

07-26-2006, 05:05 PM

Granted. As a bonus, let's chop that down to a quarter the quality - and hey presto, you have Fox!

I wish I could buy house that wasn't a compromise.

Bmwhtly

07-26-2006, 05:46 PM

Granted, but you can only buy that house the day before you die.

I wish I could find a good reason for travelling round the world.

Jaycinth

07-26-2006, 05:55 PM

Granted. Youu published something that OFFENDS EVERYONE. You thoaught the Fatwah against Rushdie was bad...you just won't believe what the UN is offering for your head..on a platter!

RUN!

I wish the designers would come out with some reasonable looks for this fall/winter season that did not involve excessive belly button outage.

alleycat

07-26-2006, 07:26 PM

Granted. The look this year will be long and layered. The hot fashion colors are Unripe Banana Green, Pig Skin Brown, Rusty Water Pipe Red, and Bright, Bright Orange. You'll look darling!

I wish I had a new suit.

Jaycinth

07-26-2006, 08:07 PM

Granted. This year's hot pattern for men is stripes! Your suit is Pierre Cardin, of course and it is a wonderful combination of Unripe Banana Green, Pig Skin Brown, Rusty Water Pipe Red, and Bright, Bright Orange. You'll look dapper!

I wish you had platform shoes with fish in the heels, and a nice cane, to match.

hjwilde

07-26-2006, 09:09 PM

Granted - unfortunately they are a gift for you.

I wish the cats would stop scratching the curtains

Cath

07-26-2006, 09:38 PM

Granted, they've turned their attention to dismantling the furniture instead.

I wish, um, er... I wish .... Meh, I can't think of anything - I wish everyone has a really great day.

MidnightMuse

07-26-2006, 09:47 PM

Granted. We all have a FANTASTIC day whilst you sit and wonder why it is you've lost your mind and all ability to think clearly. But thanks, we're doin' great!