THE TWO CABINET secretaries sat next to each other, waiting for the president to call them into the Oval Office. “Can you believe this shitshow?” the one on the left whispered, glancing at his phone and wincing. “The poll numbers are hitting an all time low.”

“Don’t tell him,” hissed his companion. “One of the assistants has been photoshopping it so that it looks like he’s in the mid-fifties.”

“Is that wise?” The one on the left glanced up, worried. “What if he finds out?”

“He won’t find out.” His companion smiled meanly. “All he does is watch Fox, and God knows they’ll never tell him anything he doesn’t want to hear.”

The one on the left nodded and went back to reading his emails. A Secret Service agent hurried by, two large McDonald’s bags in hand.

“What is that now?” his companion asked. “Three?”

“Four. He’s got an appetite today.”

His companion laughed. “Shit. He’s eating with the voracity of a velociraptor.”