I am repulsed by squeaky cotton between my teeth. Spiney chills just thinking about that. Can you picture putting a towel in your mouth and it squeaking between your teeth? Yeah, that's the feeling.

Now I can't stop cringing. Thanks. It is a good thing those earrings are so lovely, else this repulsion wouldn't be worth it...

holy cow, i am SO glad that i asked yall to leave your weirdest fear/revulsion. i was lol'ing like mad all day as they came in. soft things! maggots! bare feet! vultures! jello! sticky hands! wet clothes! though i am a little nervous that one day i will meet you and accidentally gulp liquid, click my teeth, slurp a soda can, or leave a strand of my wet hair on you and you will kill me. or if i accidentally drop a great white shark in your swimming pool :)

i am actually glad natasha won, because her revulsion cracked me up possibly the most (though wet wood was up there too) due to its raging specificity and her effort to power through describing it to enter the giveaway.

yall email me and i will get you in touch with your craftswomen! (putapuredukes (at) gmail (dot) com)

and dont forget to use the generous discounts at both of the shops:

15% off your entire order at crochet melly through saturday with code GIVEAWAY15 at checkout

3.28.2012

i havent done a weekly pinspiration post lately, but fear not, ye intrepid surfers of the internet, pinterestis still making a huge impact on our DIY life.

jesse and i were enjoying an AMAZING date on saturday night outside by our pinspired firepit on a PERFECT night, and i was talking about how silly it was, but that pinterest really has made our life noticeably more magical. i had had 1.5 glasses of wine at this point, so it went something like, "oh my goooosh, jesse, for real though. pinterest has like, literally, like seriously, made our life better, you knooooow?" and i might have teared up.

12 oz of wine and i am the most earnest mushball you've ever met.

60 degrees, $0, and a 20 foot commute. date night done RIGHT!

i would say that we do/eat/make something found on or inspired by pinterest at least 4 times a week. here are a few of my most recent favorites:

true confession: i can't boil eggs.

this is sad because i LOVE boiled eggs (if any of you have an egg aversion, this is about the get real, so tread carefully). when i was a kid my favorite breakfast was a creation my dad would make for me and him on saturday mornings. he would medium-boil some eggs and then mash them up in a coffee cup (the coffee cup is crucial) with a little butter and salt. and then we would eat them with spoons and watch cartoons. probably one of my most cozy and favorite memories with him just because it's so stupid and simple and he wasnt even trying to be a great dad in those moments, but he was anyway.

so it is slightly heartbreaking that as a college-graduate adult i cannot boil eggs. i can never remember if the eggs go in before the water is boiling or after. i always end up with cracked and watery eggs. and eggwater makes me a little ill. so imagine my delight with my pinbot told me that you could make "boiled" eggs in the OVEN!!! god bless alton brown.

half the ingredients of traditional boiled eggs!

these are mind-buzzingly simple and turned out more consistent and perfect than any egg i've ever cooked jacuzzi-style.

ready?

1. put however many egg you want directly on the rack of a COLD oven. (put a cookie sheet underneath if you're nervous...though i have never had a cracked egg). close the door.

you still have to peel them, doy...but let's be honest, that tedious task kind of appeals to the freak in me who also enjoys peeling sunburn skin and smoothing tinfoil.

the protein intake of my family has increased significantly since this discovery.

another happy discovery was a trustworthy recipe for pickled red onions. now dont get all fussy on me. if you've never had these, dont get excited and judge. yes, a red onion is a powerful thing. whenever i get them on my subway sammie and taqe it back to work, my coworkers force me to brush my teeth and throw my garbage outside because those little purple buggers are potent to the MAXX.

so the first time i was served a pile of pickled red onions at a restaurant (atop rare salmon) i was skeptical that they would scorch my esophagus and jesse would never make out with me again. not so, padawans! the piclling process takes all the bite out of them and leaves them sweet, crunchy and--the best part--hot pink!

the chick who made the recipe is amazing. balling photographer, cancer survivor, former nasa employee, outdoor studmuffin and amazing chef. she's the one who gave me the espresso shortbreads...damn her. i trust her implicitly.

and in about 10 minutes, i had these beauties (in my only mason jar...the party favors from this amazing wedding)

this is a horrid pic taken before they had even cooled. they are so much pinker now, sitting in my fridge.

my tip for making these: the recipe calls for star anise, cinnamon stick, and whole cloves, none of which i had, and all of which publix wanted over $5 for EACH for these suckers in the spice aisle. being genius (aka cheap/desperate) i shimmied over to the ethnic foods aisle and found them all for less than $2 a bottle. viva mexico!

the blogger recommended serving these atop a signature sandwich, which i totally did. now the only downside of this chef/blogger is she uses top notch fancy pants ingredients that have no made their way to my parochial hamlet as yet. so i had to improvise:

Slice the roll in half. Spread pesto on one half and mustard on the other half. Layer the Calabrese (salami) on half of the roll, then the mozzarella, the tomatoes, and the pickled onions. Top off the sandwich with the remaining half of bread. Slice in half and serve. Makes 1 sandwich.

-instead of special salami like she used, i just got 1/4 lb of big boars head pepperoni from the deli counter (that was enough for about 6 sandwiches).

-instead of fresh mozzarella i used packaged/sliced havarti because its my favorite cheese and mozzarella basically tastes like chewy water to me.

-the pepperoni has a little border/casing around the edges...pull those off first or else it will slow you down as you mow through the sandwich...not good.

so so so YUM! sweet and spicy and creamy and zesty and crunchy. and about 4 minutes to make!

this next one blew my little mind. i am an inept gardener, so i cant grow my own free, regenerating food. well, i couldnt, until this pin.

green onions: after you use bunch, put the white parts in a glass of water in a sunny windowsill. they will regrow!!!

seriously? this is amazing to me. food growing using only water and light. god is sort of the smartest. you just trim the roots and change out the water every few days.

i should have started with more stems, but still, eleven days later i have very (too) tall new onions to cook with! goodbye last minute runs to publix to spend $1.20 on a bundle of these.

one pitfall:

sadness! we use this window as our "order up!" area for when we are eating and cooking outside. a few little green buddies got the marie antoinette treatment.

now hold on to your petticoats, because this next pin if going to melt your face. (though it only got one repin when i first pinned it...sad).

this was the best breakfast we've ever made ourselves and possibly the best one we've ever had period. grilled french toast!

here's my plate! *homer simpson drooling food-lust noise*

it's not just that this french toast is grilled, though that plus grilled breakfast sausage is awesome. the recipe itself is just a really really good one; even if you pan cooked it inside.

our family of 4 (every contributed in tackling this) decimated an entire long baguette's worth of frensh toast and a whole package of breakfast sausage in one sitting! me oh my.

Grilled french toast (adapted from ivillage.com)

-6 eggs

-8 slices slightly stale French bread,1" thick (we used and entire baguette, for far more slices, without increasing any other part of the recipe and it was perfect)

-1 cup buttermilk

-1/2 cup half and half

-2 tablespoons sugar

-1/4 teaspoon finely grated orange zest

-8 breakfast sausage links (or, you know, like 20 )

For Blueberry packet:

-1 cup blueberries (we used frozen ones and thawed them in the microwave)

-1 tablespoon sugar

-1 tablespoon orange juice

-1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Heat a gas or charcoal grill to medium. In a mixing bowl, whisk together eggs, buttermilk, sugar, vanilla and orange zest. In a shallow dish large enough to hold them, place bread slices in a single layer. Pour egg mixture over bread slices and turn to coat. Let soak 5 minutes, turning once.

Place blueberries on the bottom-right half of a 12x12-inch square of heavy-duty aluminum foil. Top berries with sugar and orange juice. Fold the other half of foil over the blueberries and seal the edges to form a triangular packet.

Grill sausages, turning occasionally until thoroughly cooked. Place blueberry packet on a cooler part of the grill and cook until packet is puffed, about 5 minutes. Place bread slices on grill and cook 3 to 4 minutes, or until they have grill marks and no longer stick to the grates. Turn once and cook another 3 minutes

Serve French toast with sausages, grilled blueberries and maple syrup*.

the only change i made was in making the syrup more special:

instead of just topping these masterpieces with maple syrup, i made my own using this approximate recipe (hard to mess this up):

-1 cup maple syrup

-1/2 cup OJ

-1/2 cup sugar (i know, i know)

-some orange zest

-the excess blueberry juice from your grill packet of berries

dump them all in a sauce pan and heat on medium until it's simmering and the sugar has melted and the OJ has reduced down to a thick, syrupy consistency.

turn your family loose on this amazing brunch!

blogger is being a mr. prickle-pants and not publishing my posts until like 14 hours after i schedule them...so make sure you check out the 3 previous posts for some awesome giveaways you dont want to miss.

3.27.2012

last march i gushed about the products i had purchased from melanie at crochet melly (i bought SO much stuff from her and have loved every single item).

well her business has really taken off in the 12 months snice then and she is back to give away another of her AMAZING hats and to offer a discount for all of yall.

i really think this shop is one of the shining stars of etsy. amazing customer service, great prices, fast shipping, and premium handmade quality. did i mention her stuff is gorgeous and adorable? and everything is customizable with any color combo you'd like!

my favorite stuff from melanie are the interchangeable items. you get a headband or hat with a button sewn on and then you get as many interchangeable flowers as you could want! layla has about 12 of these flowers.

i dont know about where you live, but here in ATL it has been freakishly hot, but that is no reason not to stock up on headbands for summertime or plan ahead for adorable warm-cessories for next fall and winter!

GIVEAWAY:

melanie is giving away a free item from her shop to one lucky winner.

to enter: visit the crochet melly etsy shop and leave a comment here with what you would pick (good luck narrowing it down!)

remember when i raved about our friend ryan kiesshauer's debut album? and how i gave away one of his CD's in my first ever bloggy giveaway?

well 2 years later, we still listen to and love every track of this CD. ryan wrote every note and every word and it is just mind-blowingly good (especially with his awesome wife bethany singing harmony). if you dont believe me, you can listen to a sample here. ryan is not one of those artists who thinks that because he took guitar for a semester and loves jesus that that means he needs to become a songwriter. yuck. i'm sure jesus appreciates those songs of praise, but i dont. this is well written, well-played music from a seriously talented guy.

well ryan is selling his album for 50% off. you can now get one of his "hope lost/found" CD's for just $5. that's just 38 cents per track! worth it!!! go buy one NOW inhis store.

as a reward, and to offset this meager investment, i am offering 20% off my entire etsy shop for anyone who purchases a CD from ryan this week. dont be sneaky...i will check and make sure you have already bought a CD. just enter the code KIESS20 at checkout.

3.26.2012

as you may have heard about in my reaganing post last week, and in select regional news outlets, i decided to act like a grown up and wear my hair down and dress like a human lady starting in this my 30th year.

last week i blow dried my hair twice which led to it being worn down all 7 days (with a healthy dose of dry shampoo to get me through that 3rd day before a wash) and i wore outfits 800% more presentable than i usually do on 6 of 7 days last week (i work from home on mondays and will never be impelled to even wear a bra on these days...such is my birthright).

i made jesse take pictures to document my outfits daily after work. there are only 5 pictures because i did laundry and wore one of these outfits twice. blammo.

hey, risky business, your fly is open, hotshot.

you might think this is dressed down and looking slouchier than most of the population, but believe me when i say this moves me up like 3 caste levels from where i usually reside (which hovers just above a hurricane survivor being interviewed on live TV and just below celebrities caught in walk-of-shame photos in tabloids).

i wouldnt usually bare my ultra white-purple legs this when they have seen nary a photon this season, but i decided to get over my pale-shame. i am skin-cancer free and i sleep with a mega hot man every night, so yeah, i'll just be happy where i am and not bake melanoma into my flesh in the name of impressing my crazy vagina-brain and people who might be turned off by it (none of whom even snuggle me at night).

getting a few new things from loft instead of on clearance at old navy or target was a little bit more expensive, but i am really seeing it as an investment. by not buying crap clothes that will wear out in a year just because, "hey, this shirt is $6!," and instead putting my money into quality-made pieces that will last for years. the 3 loft things i owned before last weekend, i have had for at least 4 years. the average age of my cheaper finds is about 6 months until they just make me sad and go to goodwill. i am tired of living like that and i see it as crappier stewardship of my meager clothes budget than getting one $40 top a month. (and dont worry, i will continue to shop at both target and old navy, because they are awesome, but i will do it with more intention to longevity and quality).

so at the end of week one, i declare this experiment a smashing success. i spent approximately 11 extra minutes a day on my appearance and harvested hours worth of self esteem from it. i am truly surprised by how much energy, positive vibes and self-confidence came from taking a tiny bit better care of myself every day. this translated into being a better employee, citizen, parent, wife and --dare i say it--lover. nope, no, i dont dare say that because that word is creepster and eats my soul. (but seriously ladies...).

fashion: it's not just for the rich, hot or superficial anymore. it's for me!

3.23.2012

i have noticed that there a few things that almost everyone i know or hear about seems to love. i hear nothing but rave reviews about these things, but i just cant get on board or enjoy them. but because all the other humans seem to rave about these things, i usually give them another try every year or so to see if maybe i was being silly before and i do in fact, love these universal people-pleasers.

so far, i have not changed my mind once. here's my list:

-tomatoes

-radiohead

-dogs inside my house

-greek yogurt

-glee

-swimming in the ocean

this concludes the most riveting blog post you have ever read. next week: free stuff!

OH! one more fun update. i hung out with my new lady friend last night. this was our 2nd date. we hung out once last week at her house with all of our kids. if youre a mom who's ever tried to converse with another mom while your kids are around, you know that about 82% of a sentence and maybe a stray gerund or prepositional phrase is the best you can hope to spit out before you have to divert your attention to an intolerably dirty foot (judah...kid can stand being dirty/wet), a recurring head injury (layla, falling off of a tiny doll's wagon repeatedly), or the fact that, whoopsie, we are all along in the room all of a sudden which means our 4 kids are on a bender somewhere alone (everyone).

but last night, i invited her over to our house after all the offspring's bedtimes. jesse was at a ministry function so it was just me and her. as annoying as trying to talk with kids is, it's also provides many handy breaks in and distractions from the potential awkwardness that comes in getting to know someone new. but last night, it was just us. eeps!

like i normally do because i am a freak, i prepared a list of conversation topics and smooth questions in case the convo petered out. well, she left 3 hours and 15 minutes later and i never had to resort to my lame "friendmaking 101" tricks. i turned nary a trick.

but before we had even started talk, magic because when she walked in she said she had brought me something. and, yall, she pulled this out of her pocket:

and then i offered her some of our leftover amazing publix key lime pie and she said yes and we sat around and ate pie together! i feel like it's not every gal who would just step in off the street and accept my pie! it's also a great sign that she wasnt scared of being poisoned by the crazy internet lady.

we talked about TV, jesus, science, parenting, hair, money, cleaning and oh so much more. but the cheese and pie where what really told me, in my very own love language, that this friendship is going to work out just fine.

3.21.2012

these kids. oh they make me happy. they make me crazy in the brain and have made my breast density decrease by a factor of 5, but mostly they just make me happy.

i love how out of all the kids in the world, i would still pick judah and layla to be mine. obviously if two different sperm had won their races and we had 2 different kids, i wouldnt be sitting here wondering or missing judah and layla because i would have and be happy to be the mom of melkizar and tubal-cain (there are lots of weird sperms names, people. i dont make the rules).

sure there is something primal and inborn that makes us say, "these are MINE and i love them most," but it's awesome when a moment lines up so nicely that makes you say, "even if these werent mine, i'm pretty sure i would still like them best."

3.20.2012

i dont think a weekend has ever ever ever made me so happy or gone so perfectly. we didnt win the lottery or anything obviously awesome like that (though i did buy a ticket for the first time last sunday after i woke up from a nap with a song of 5 specific numbers stuck prominently in my head...no luck though), but it was rife with golden simplicity nonetheless. i want to remember this.

saturday morning we were up eeeeearly to run a 5k that our church was putting on. it was only my second run (the first was a short and painful 1.5 miles in january) since the half marathon in DECEMBER. for shame.

i prepared by eating hot dogs and cheese the night before and attempting to go to bed early by taking a tylenol pm. but i couldnt remember if i actually took it but i also couldnt find the un-taken pill. since the dose for humans 12 and up is two pills, i took another to be sure.

big mistake.

i was high as a kite and out of my mind.

this has happened once to me before: in the hospital after layla. i took 2 percocet so that i could sleep through the pain and soreness and instead of putting me to sleep it was like watching a laser show in my own brain for 3 hours.

so i was up well past 1 am friday night with electricity surging through my shoulders, in and out of awful over-drugged sleep but also hyper and jittery.

fun story: this happened to jesse once too. when we were dating and after we had finished our semesters of doing campus ministry (him in spain and me in mexico) i went to visit him in spain. we rented a car and drove all over the north of spain. one night, we were too cheap to get beds in a hostel so we planned to sleep in the tiny rental car. to make sure we slept through the discomfort of the carseats, i suggested we each take 2 advil PM (for some reason 2 of advil doesnt bother me). so i dug through my bag and got out 4 pills for us. i told jesse to hold them while i repacked my stuff. i got back to the front and held out my hand saying, "ok give me mine." he was like, "um, what do you mean yours? i thought those were all for me!"

poor guy did not have a good night. he tried barfing them up but he lacks the charming ability make himself throw up. jesse lacks almost all disgusting features most humans have, such as rough foot skin, smelly sweat, and poor spelling. he's a marvel, my husband. anyway, he was shaking and cold and felt like he could feel death creeping through his veins towards his heart. he paced the city streets like some handsome addict until the dawn as i drifted softly into correctly-dosed car sleep.

but back to this weekends overdose: not the best night of sleep for old keighty.

the race was great anyway. jesse had stroller duty (i figured with the added 70 lbs i MIGHT be able to keep up with him) and the kids were thrilled to be out and about despite being rudely woken before sunrise. i loved playing my running playlist, it was like seeing old friends. robert randolph is just as booty-shakingly awesome as ever.

judah ran for most of the race...at least 2 miles of it. but he also wanted to take some side detours to explore and that was full of delays. i shamefully abandoned jesse during one of these delays because i was scared that if i stopped i wouldnt be able to get going again (the race was right behind our house and my back yard was beckoning to me at mile 1.5).

so jesse was a trooper and pushed/pulled/cajoled both kids over the finish line. judah was very into the thrill of the finish, but layla was a little more suspicious as to why we all wanted her to run. it was like she was on the field of dreams and didnt want to step off and end it. (MUCH awful mommy screeching by me here...sorry)

we flew past the finish line, skipped the afterparty (i guess they'll just have to mail me my 77th place medal) and straight to the car since we had other adventures scheduled.

jesse had to be at a band practice for our friend and AMAZINGLY talented singer/songwriter ryan kiesshauer. jesse sings and plays backup for ryan on many a local "gig." my soul dies a little bit every time i use the word "gig." you may remember ryan from such posts as this one wherein i gave away one of ryan's new CD's (buy one now, it’s so freaking good start to finish). and you may not remember, but ryan's wife bethany is my conversational soulmate. we have the BEST talks. no weird silences, no annoying one-ups, just amazingly cohesive, back and forth, engaging convo. we once met for lunch when i was pregnant with layla and when i got in my car to go home, FIVE HOURS had elapsed without me even noticing!

i chased the kids around the empty church until my parents arrived at 11 am to pick them up for the night. god bless grandparents. after that, i was treated to a private concert by these amazing musicians.

fun fact: that altar is NOT where aslan was sacrificed. but it could have been

after practice wrapped up, jesse and i were off. just two 29 year olds with an empty minivan loose in the city! we had lunch at chuy's (which god granted to atlanta this year because of his great love for me) and then went to a mall. we hadnt been to a mall in AGES! we shopped a little bit the old fashioned way, with dressing rooms and humans and nary a click or login.

i had a little bit of a revelation wherein i decided that i am almost 30 and it's time to maybe look like a grownup. i am fortunate to work a job/life where i can were jeans, t-shirts and flip flops every day. but i dont HAVE to. and honestly, i wouldnt feel good applying for a loan for a DOG HOUSE in the clothes i wear 99% of the time.

i have watched enough "what not to wear" to know that you really do feel better about yourself when you take a bit of pride in your appearance. so i have decided to try. a little.

i discovered and surrendered to the glory that is ann taylor loft and got a few awesomely cute things on uber clearance. i mostly went with things that immediately made me recoil and steered clear of the things that called out to me (t-shirts!).

i even asked the salesgirl where she got her jacket and she said it was from there but was last year's style. i psychotically asked her to write me down the style number from the inside tag of her jacket. she was a little alarmed by that request but i assured her that if i had that i could track it down. lo and behold i found the exact one on ebay for about 75% off the original price. shwing! to the beauty of ebay...america's never-ending yard sale.

jesse pointed out this cuteness to me. 2 of loft's styles of pants are "marisa" and "kate." marisa is my BFF who lives in germany. though loft spelled my name wrong and neither of these styles is extra curvy like us.

we left the mall and made a trip to home depot for a screen door that will enable us to me more outdoor-friendly. then we had a swoon-worthy stop at barnes and noble to kill an hour reading trashy magazines in comfy chairs before dinner.

our favorite restaurant in atlanta is probably agave. we went there for our first official date on our 7th day of dating (which led up to our first kiss...which lasted 4 hours and left me with face-burns) and we usually go there for our birthdays too. we signed up for their email newsletter which advertises their earlybird special of $10 entress if you are seated between 5 and 6 pm. this means we get $24 lamb for $10. so so so so yummy. and major awesome bonus: we had giftcards and got to sit on the perfectly-temperatured and miraculously bug-and-pollen-free covered patio.

since we had gift cards we made a real occasion of it and got drinks, which we NEVER do at restaurants because i can get a bottle of wine for less than a glass usually costs out on the town.

yums all around.

when a rowdy group of frat bros was seated near us during dessert, one of them donning a kilt, it was time to make our exit. it was after all, st. patrick's day, on a saturday night, in a big city. that is SO not our scene. we fled blissfully back to the suburbs and had all kinds of fun that we definitely didnt get to after our first agave date.

on sunday i treated myself to a day of hookie from church. it was a treat not because i skipped church (i REALLY like our church. so much that it scares me because i usually do not get down on american normal church), but because i didnt have to do sunday morning kid duty.

instead, i slept in, cleaned, organized laylas pandora's box of a closet, sewed, ate leftovers and generally felt amazing about life and saw colors i had never seen before. there is something so magical to me about being in my own house, alone, and able to do whatever i want. maybe it has something to do with the kids that have been up in my face and uterus for the past 3.5 years nonstop.

after hanging up some of my new clothes, i decided that these investments were too nice to be sullied with my normal hair (rat's nest updo bun). i realized that in the 5+ years i have worked at my job, i have worn my hair down approximately 3 times. even on the weekends, i wear my hair down maybe 4 times a year. did you know that some ladies do their hair DAILY?!?! true story. i know. unreal.

so i decided to get my second haircut and color in 5 months (making me have wretched guilt about being frivolous and superficial since i normal get it done once every 18 months, but decided it was a mental health investment). i was going to chop of the super long length that i never used for anything other than sink-clogging and layla ropes course-training and get a shorter (not SHORT, i do not have the face for it) cut that i would maybe feel okay taking care of a few times a week.

i begged them to let me in on short notice and sweet talked my lady into giving me a full instead of partial highlight as i settled in to read GQ (a first! really weird magazine that i cant picture a real human man actually reading).

i instagrammed this pic and an unnamed friend asked if i had measles (i think he meant mumps). i do look pretty jowly here and am hoping it's a result of the weird camera filter. matt seems happy enough with me though.

i spent a good 15 minutes trying to take a semi-normal picture of the new haircut and failed desperately. i lack the DNA that allows celebrities and the good-looking to take pictures of themselves without looking like they are making an ironic joke or putting on a funny improv skit.

seriously. this was my best plan.

take 57. this is the best we got. i guess i needed to threaten my bicep with a punch from my other had to keep it in check ???

thats 5 or 6 inches off the length and a mean set of swoopy bangs. i love it. i even did the unthinkable and made another appointment for the end of summer to get it cut again! big girl, panties, prepare ye to be worn (and sweated in...swampass season is upon us)!

jesse picked up the kids from my parents that afternoon and we topped the weekend off with a picturesque blanket picnic dinner at a local park, paid for with gift cards and then played with the kids until sunset. i stopped at rite aid for easter eggs for the kids class parties and was interrupted by revenge of the jalepeno dip from the day before. but even with a raging case of magma GI, this was a perfect 10 of a weekend.