“The idea of ‘having it all’ denies the existence of the trade offs the people have to make.”

Texpat said:

“Disagree. No one ever asks why men can’t have it all because we were never told it was even possible (and its not). I’ve always believed that to expect to ‘have it all’ was the height of entitlement and incredibly unrealistic. The message ‘you can have it all!’ isn’t ‘You have to do everything’ but rather ‘you are entitled to an amazing career, tons of time to parent your kids, a super supportive spouse, vacations, etc., etc., etc. … ‘ It denies the existence of the trade offs the people have to make.

“Example: if I walk my son to preschool I cannot get into the office before 9. If I don’t get in before 9 I will be behind every other person in the office. I will be perceived as less effective and will be less promotable. I’ve got to make a decision about what is best for my family. As sole income earner my career is pretty important—the risks involved with me making sacrifices for the family are significantly higher than the same person in a dual income family. Given that the vast majority of single income earners are men—that’s what makes Dad’s with 3 kiddos at costco somewhat rarer than mothers. Anyway, I don’t tend to go to costco but if you want to see a dad with 3 kids shopping come to home depot or the farmer’s market any weekend.”

About The Bad Father

The Bad Father lives and works in western Michigan. He doesn't really like his wife and two sons, and he's decided to start blogging about it. He welcomes your hate mail, and he says "you're welcome" for writing what many of you already think.

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1 Comment on "“The idea of ‘having it all’ denies the existence of the trade offs the people have to make.”"

Whenever I hear the phrase “having it all,” I’m reminded of a word I learned recently from reading a bit in psychobabble self-help books based loosely on human psychology. The word is “overfunctioning.” It’s when someone compensates for a problem by trying to take on too much responsibility. An overfunctioning individual runs faster and faster just to stay in the same place, can’t say no to any job, and runs himself/herself into the ground. They are driven to do everything, to the point of madness.