Quick Fixes

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For single people, this is a hard time of year, and not in the good way. Seeing all those happy couples makes you just want to beat them over the head with an industrial-sized dildo, but you can't, because that's probably a brand-new crime that they haven't even named yet, so they would name it after you. You can, however, do the next-best thing and beat yourself with that dildo -- there's nothing wrong with loving yourself, even (especially) in the biblical sense.

Except when there is. Sometimes there very, very much is, particularly when science decides that the whole curing cancer thing is a total snoozefest and that coming up with inventive new ways to whack off is where it's at. The resulting marriage between the highest and lowest technologies is a union you wouldn't call holy, unless you were referring to actual holes.

#5. Teddy Love: The Teddy Bear That Loves Back (With Oral Sex)

It used to be common sense that, if you're into fucking teddy bears, that is strictly between you and the poor sack of cotton whose innocence you've defiled. That's clearly not the stance of the terrifying brains behind Teddy Love, the world's first toy bear that gets covered in bodily fluids by design, not by accident.

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Better Call Saul made TV history last Sunday by becoming the highest rated cable series debut ever, presumably because of the hundreds of millions of Mr. Show fans who set the entertainment industry's agenda every day. And it wasn't just humans that were excited for Saul, but corporations as well.

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If our eternal news-checking series has taught us anything, it's that nobody's perfect. Old salts like CNN can screw the pooch just as hard as web-born companies trying to tackle a story first instead of making sure to tackle it correctly. We get that. This is probably why up-and-comer Vox -- which proudly calls themselves a "new kind of news site" -- has fucked up stories at least 46 times in the 10 months it's been around.

While that is hilariously awful, grossly misunderstanding a story is still infinitely better than lazily choosing not to explore it past a single grabby headline in exchange for ad revenue -- as seems to be the case with the following willfully misinterpreted news stories ...

#6. That Video of Men Catcalling Their Mothers Is Faaaaaaaake

"Social experiment" videos are a great idea when done genuinely, but not everyone has time to walk around New York for 10 hours to showcase the problems with street harassment. Luckily, there's another handy trick called "just faking it" -- because nothing says "we want to shed light on a serious and totally real problem" better than hiring actors to re-create scumbaggery in exchange for completely subverting your message. And now this happened:

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The midseason premiere of The Walking Dead just hit, and honestly, it looks like they're making some changes for the better. It is a completely different animal than anyone was expecting, which, for a show that relies so heavily on doing the exact same thing season after season, is something fans should be pretty excited about.

But that's just one episode. There are certain recurring plot devices that The Walking Dead continuously rehashes to the point that they are now starting to reek more than the zombies that occasionally appear on the show. If this season of The Walking Dead wants to continue being surprising and exciting, it needs to avoid the following storytelling crutches it's been leaning on since Rick stumbled out of that hospital five years ago.

#5. A Character Always Struggles to Accept That Zombies Aren't People

In a show about people turning into zombies, it's expected that we will see the plot point of a character grappling with the thought of killing a zombified loved one. That's, like, the first box you check for Zombie Movie Bingo. But season after season, the writers keep dragging out this trope and pretending it's a brand-new plot development.