My new book! Seal It With A Kiss

I’m thrilled to officially announce that my newest book is out, one that I wrote — Seal It With A Kiss: Tips, Tricks and Techniques for Delivering the Knockout Kiss (Amazon link). I only write one or two books a year (rather than the anthologies I edit like Best Women’s Erotica or Sweet Love, which average two a year). It’s a very, very complete guide to kissing and being kissed, and I’m extremely proud of it. It’s also totally adorable and funny, and has cute illustrations. What’s more, I’m ecstatic to brag that after being out for three weeks, the book is so loved already that the deal has already been inked for its first translation — Russian! Seal It With A Kiss is also out now in the UK, and available on Kindle.

It’s the art of kissing. It’s the art of seduction. It’s the book I always wished I had for first dates, makeout sessions, and when I’d go out with someone really hot… and find out they were a terrible kisser. It’s got exit strategies and fixes galore, along with kissing techniques that will close the deal when you want to reel in the babe of your dreams. It even tells you how to get close, how to give and get a first kiss, how to delay a kiss when you’re not ready, and how to tell if the person you’re with wants to be kissed. This is the first book I’ve written directed toward a female heterosexual audience. I’m sorry if that’s not you, though I think you might get something out of the information, despite the gender and orientation focus. I figured I should try it at least once…. :)

The table of contents and an excerpt is after the jump, so you know how it tastes before you dig in… Enjoy!

Contents

Introduction: The Perfect Kiss

Chapter 1: The Secret Society of Kissing Artists

What’s in a Kiss? • Kissing Kung Fu: Be At One with the Elements • Kiss Me Deadly, Darling: A Quiz

Chapter 2: Make It Happen: Get That Kiss Anywhere, Anyplace, Anytime

Waiting Is the Hardest Part • Does He Really Want It? • How to Get Him to Kiss You • How to Ask For a Kiss without Words • Making the First Move • Sidebar: First Kiss Do’s and Don’ts

Excerpt: Chapter 2 Make It Happen: Get That Kiss Anywhere, Anyplace, Anytime

(…) snip from midsection of chapter (…)

Waiting Is the Hardest Part

You might not kiss on the first date for a number of reasons—and he might actually be the one who wants to wait. If he asks to wait a few dates for a first kiss, honor his request with grace and a smile, and relish the thought that anticipation is building up mutually. Don’t worry about his reasons; they’re probably good ones, whatever they are. Don’t second-guess, either. He might simply just be shy! Feed the fires by being casually flirty in subtle physical ways—a touch on the wrist, or standing or sitting a bit too close. And if you’ve both agreed to wait for that fiery first kiss, you can cuddle, hug and breathe on each other’s lips, only inches away from each other.

Some of you might want to wait a bit for the first kiss to see if there is chemistry between you. Or, like any femme fatale worth the notches on her bedpost, you might want to make him wait simply to enjoy watching him squirm in erotic torment, willing to do anything for your first kiss. Clever smoochers might want to camouflage ill health, such as a flu allergies, by asking to delay the first kiss for a few dates, until you’re feeling better or know the potential kissee a bit better. Maybe you have already rushed to first base, or second or third, too fast for your own liking, and you want to take a bit more time to smell the roses.

It’s perfectly fine to tell him you want to wait a bit before your first kiss, or to wait until the third date. Reassure him that it’s not personal (he might feel insulted or insecure) and explain that you just don’t want to rush a good thing. Tell him that you’ll make the first move when you’re ready to enjoy it completely.

If you prefer not to announce your intentions, be sure to give him other signals that you’re interested; otherwise he’ll think you don’t want him at all. Yikes! Flirt with him, lightly touch his arm or hands now and then, brush against him a little when you walk down the sidewalk, make plenty of eye contact, smile a lot, and don’t be afraid to stand or sit closer than a regular friend might.

If he moves in for a kiss and you’re still not ready, place your hands flat on the front of his shoulders to gently, firmly stop him. Stay close, smile, and sweetly say, “I’m not ready yet. But I will be soon. It means a lot that you’re cool with that.” You can softly kiss his cheek instead. Some guys might not understand why you want to wait for a kiss. They might protest, get upset, be pushy, demand reassurance, or argue. The rotten ones will insist. (This is okay if you know that you enjoy a little playful protest in your romantic relationships.) But the guys who are truly worth kissing will listen and will want to understand your motives—and the really fun ones will want to draw out the anticipation and savor the first-kiss waiting game as much as you do.

Does He Really Want It?

Yes, hotpants, they all want you. But only give ’em a little nibble at a time. When sizing up your toy for a potential smooch, make sure he’s really ready for the close-up by looking for physical clues that reveal his readiness. Some guys will make it fairly obvious that it’s now or never by moving in for the kiss, but others will display unconscious physical signs to indicate readiness and kissability. And I’m not talking about what’s happening in his trousers. It’s especially essential to know what to look for with shy guys who want to be respectful of your kissing boundaries. Are you sending the green light? Often, they want to kiss us oh-so-badly, but they have no idea that we actually want them to kiss us! Also, it’s tough to tell if someone wants to go beyond friendship or not, especially when your judgment is clouded by your own attraction to someone you realize is becoming more than just a friend.

It’s up to you to figure out if he wants it or not. Does he call, text, IM, Tweet, or email you frequently? If you’re out together on a date or just hanging out, remember that he could choose to be spending his in-person time with someone else. But he’s with you. Put yourselves in a situation that would be an ideal time for a kiss, such as saying good-bye, and watch his body language closely for unconscious signs of attraction. Make sure you see two “kiss now” signals before you take the leap with your lips.

Just what are those signals? Prolonged and repeated eye contact is a sure sign of interest, and combined with close physical proximity is a sure signal of an impending kiss. If you catch him checking you out, bust him playfully with a smile that says “gotcha!” and flirt shamelessly, enjoying every moment. One careless glance from him isn’t enough, but if there is a second look, stay tuned for more. When his second look lingers for a bit, consider this an engraved invitation: you’ve got him right where you want him. If the eye contact is fleeting and you can’t tell if it’s intentional or not, wait to see if it happens more than once and look for another physical clue just to be sure.

Here are a few clues to look for:

Clue: Look to the lips. When people are tense or uninterested, they keep their lips clamped together. But when someone finds you hot and wants a smooch, their lips will part slightly in an inviting gesture. Like, smiling! Licking the lips (not in a gross or creepy way!) or touching the lips with a finger can indicate high kissing interest.

Clue: Unconscious imitation is someone’s way of showing that they’ll follow your lead, including up to the moment of a kiss. Watch and see if he mirrors your body language—legs crossed or uncrossed, the position of his hands and arms, shoulders squared to face you directly, and of course, mirrored facial expressions such as eye contact, smiling, and moving in close.

Clue: Close physical proximity. Arms brushing when you walk, a slight touch on the arm or hand, orbiting your stance in crowded rooms, standing so your shoulders touch, being just a half step closer to you than he would to someone who’s just a friend. Notice whether he’s keeping an eye on where you are and where you’re standing. Often, interested men will have conversations with others near you or (especially) right behind you. Another clue that precedes a kiss is for him to hold open a door for you in a way that intentionally has him leaning in close as you move past. This is a great opportunity for a smile—or a kiss.

How to Get Him to Kiss You

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with the direct approach. Some people love nothing more than to have their partner simply ask for a kiss. Have you ever hoped for a kiss, not gone for it or even asked for one, and then not been kissed? I can predict how well that technique is working for you. A girl or guy who’s a little bit (or a lot) aggressive when it comes to the sweet pastime of kissing gets what they want, and many women and men love a partner who isn’t afraid to take control.

Ask for that kiss:

“May I have a kiss, please?”

“Kiss me!”

“You can kiss me now.”

“I think you deserve a kiss for that.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Can we kiss now?”

“Pucker up, buttercup.”

Asking for it is only one option for getting him to put those sexy lips right where you want them: on you. You don’t always have to ask with words; you can hypnotize him with a few super-sexy moves. Seriously. Even if you’re the direct-approach kind of girl, words may not be appropriate for the scenario you find yourself in; you may have to be quiet for some reason, or asking for a smooch outright may simply not be your style. No problem. Whether you’re shy or cunning, you have an arsenal of tricks to choose from.

How to Ask for a Kiss without Words

First, open up your body language so he can sense that you’re receptive for him to put the moves on you. Or that you’re even interested: you can convey a lot of interest just by the way you carry yourself. (…)

The London Times named Violet Blue "One of the 40 bloggers who really count" and Self Magazine named TinyNibbles one of the “Best Sex Resources for Women.” Blue is an autodidact and pundit on sex and technology, hacking and security, porn for women, privacy and bleeding-edge tech culture. She is a journalist for ZDNet, CBS News, CNET; she's an educator, speaker, crisis counselor, volunteer NGO trainer, and the author and editor of over 40 award-winning books.