Oh, Violet. If only you had heard Lemony Snicket’s lecture on “dramatic irony.” His lesson on the difference between “literally” and “figuratively” is relevant, too. Because, while it is true that, when the eldest Baudelaire child says these words, she and her siblings are about to leave the forest behind them, they won’t find safety at the Lucky Smells Lumber Mill. Instead, they’ll find hard labor and Don Johnson with a fat cigar and a waxed mustache. Miserable, indeed, and the only thing that kept my daughter and me going was our absolute certainty that Sunny would find an inventive way to use her very strong teeth while working in a lumber mill. Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long to find out that we were correct.

Nor does it take Count Olaf long to find the Baudelaires. In fact, Klaus stumbles right into Olaf’s clutches when the need for a new pair of glasses sends the boy to the optometrist’s office that happens to be located on mill property. As it happens, Georgina Orwell isn’t just any eye doctor. She is also a hypnotist… and Olaf’s ex-girlfriend. When it comes to hamming it up, Catherine O’Hara is most certainly Neil Patrick Harris’s equal, and it’s fun to watch the two of them go toe-to-toe. Their rapid-fire banter brings to mind the classic duos of screwball comedy, just with more evil. Dr. Orwell vacillates between vamping for her old flame and hating him for breaking her heart, but her greed is a perfect match for Olaf’s. She doesn’t hesitate to use her nefarious powers to control Klaus’s mind.

While Klaus is being hypnotized, his sisters search the Lucky Smells library for information about their parents. The mill’s owner said that the Baudelaire parents were responsible for the fire that destroyed Paltryville, but it’s clear that he’s hiding something. Violet and Sunny find evidence that their father has been in the very same library, and they come so close to uncovering Sir’s secret, but, as is so often the case, this scene does not end happily.

And now I must warn you that you are about to have your heart broken.

Since the very first episode, we have been tantalized by the possibility that the Baudelaire parents didn’t really die in the fire that made their children orphans. Of course, the cynical among us have had reason to doubt that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny should be so lucky. This would have been such a major departure from the books—not just in content, but also in tone and philosophy. Because beneath all the dark humor and the melodrama, there is a serious message that runs through A Series of Unfortunate Events: Suffering doesn’t always have meaning, and we are all, ultimately, responsible for ourselves. It doesn’t matter that the Baudelaire children are good and thoughtful and smart and kind; they can’t count on grownups or fate or a just universe to save them.

And, so… when the parents who have been fighting for their children are on one side of a very fancy door and the Baudelaires are on one side of a very fancy door and that door opens… Those parents rush into the loving arms of Duncan, Quigley, and Isadora, while our young heroes find Count Olaf, again, in yet another flimsy disguise.

Jessica Jernigan is a writer, editor, and mom-about-town in a mid-sized Midwestern city. You can find her professional website here, but Instagram is where the cat photos are.