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As we get older we start to feel the results of ageing caused by the decrease of hormone production. By the time men and women have reached the age of 50, we have lost at least half of their hormone production. For so many women who have chosen to bypass hormone replacement therapy for alternative therapy; the information found in John Gray’s book Venus on Fire Mars on Ice is highly useful. Teaches you to teach your body produce the good hormones naturally. Men and Women have their good hormones that keep them young, vibrant and sexually active. For men it’s “Testosterone”, for women it’s “Oxytocin.”

Now as I said before men’s testosterone level will drop as he ages but what most people don’t know is his levels will change on a daily basis. The stresses of the job, the commute and life in general will make testosterone drop like a lead brick. Leaving most men feeling like a grumpy old man crawling to the nearest fortress of solitude for relief more commonly called the “Man Cave.” Yes ladies “The Man Cave” actually exists and it is a useful tool for both man and woman. After a long day Man needs to have his time “Alone” to be able to replenish his testosterone levels. Women need to understand men need their space but we want to talk and share. That would entail “Invading The Man Cave” How is this good for a woman? A smart woman would go shopping.

Now let’s talk about women’s happy hormone called “Oxytocin.” This is the hormone that is produced when a women is happy, stress free and content. There are quite a few stress busters a woman can use to raise her levels. The list is actually very long and includes relaxation exercises, bubble bath, hanging out friends, talking, talking, talking. Did I mention Talking? For women, sharing is a natural stress reducer.

It’s the difference between how men and women manage stress is what we are addressing. Men deal with stress by shutting down and women deal with stress by sharing. Two totally opposite ends of the spectrum. It’s a wonder we get together long enough to procreate. Knowing this men and women need to give each other their private space and not bombard their spouse right at the front door after work.

The next point I’d like to make is the hormone killer called “Cortisol.” Cortisol is more commonly called the fight or flight hormone. Back when we were still cavemen (some of us still are) and were being chase by a mammoth, this is the hormone that gave us that burst of energy that made us run faster. Well I don’t need to tell you being chased by mammoth would have been highly stressful. Well ok we know mammoths are extinct but we do have mammoth size stress to handle. Country is in financial crisis, foreclosures, unemployment at an all time high are all stressful things. This constant exposure to stress keeps us in a continuous “Fight of Flight” mode thus our body’s Cortisol I.V. drip is on wide open.

The yucky side effect of Cortisol is weight gain, especially around the waist line. When a man is under stress, his testosterone goes down and Cortisol goes up. When a woman is stressed, her Oxytocin goes down but her Cortisol goes twice as high as a man’s. ( Where’s the justice in that?) As a woman learns to reduce her stress level, her Oxytocin will rise and naturally blend with fat cells, that all women have, and give her extra energy she didn’t know she had.

One of the fun things I did at the last corporate DISC training was to ask each participant what their pet peeve was (instead of what words to avoid or not to use) in regards to how other’s communicate with them. We also spent a great deal of time on what does work for each participant. We collated everyone’s results in a table for easy reference back in the office. During team training that teaches you communication skills, you learn more than just tendencies or preferences, you get to implement the knowledge right away, which ensures that you retain this information for later use.

While DISC identifies your adapted and natural communication styles, going one step further to understand how men and women prefer to communicate leads to even greater results.

Men tend to use communication to solve problems.

Women tend to use communication to connect.

For example, at work—a woman’s natural inclination to take into account how a decision affects all parties involved both short and long term. Calling on this strength during a sale or when weighing options ensures greater logistical planning than a more single-minded approach. Calling on a man’s inclination to either solve a dilemma, or shelve for later is helpful in keeping negotiations focused with the end in sight.

Many decades ago when I was much much younger, I didn’t know anything about organization. Franklin Covey wasn’t in my vocabulary just yet and neither was Mars Venus. What I did have was a boyfriend, and still to this very day a good friend, named David that noticed that sometimes I was stressed about my daily schedule. Naturally between college, work and a relationship, I was pretty busy. He would often ask me what I had to do that day. My eyes would kind of glaze over and I would glance through my imaginary calendar (We all have one, it’s written in thin air) and pull everything out of sequence. “TADA! There is it! My schedule” I would say with pride. David would look at me and tell me three simple little words that would change my life. “Write it Down.” He’d continue, “When everything is rolling around in your head, you waste time going from one point to another and you will always forget something.” God Bless David. Many years later I still hear your voice telling me “Write It Down.” Kind of annoying really but I understand it more now than ever before.

Once you have established a schedule, you should then take 15 minutes at the beginning of the week to review the week and 15 minutes every morning to review and prioritize your day. This will refresh your memory as to what you have planned for that week thus eliminating the stress factor.

We have enough stress in our lives without adding to it by relying on our memory. If you deal with your appointments and the more important items on your calendar you can work in the less important items in as the day progresses. Some items may have to be moved to the next day but at least you know where you stand at every turn. Just remember not to take on more than you can handle. No one has super powers. Allow yourself ample time in between appointments and/or errands.

Keeping in mind, there are only so many hours in a day. You have to schedule the most important time every day. That’s “Me” time. It’s been a long day and you deserve it.

One of the most often cited reasons why people seek out coaching is to become more efficient with their time management. Outcomes from the 2010 ICF Global Consumer Awareness Study, show more than two-fifths (42.6 percent) of coaching clients choose “optimize individual and/or team performance” as their motivation for being coached, followed by “expand professional career opportunities” at 38.8 percent and “improve business management strategies” at 36.1 percent. Mars Venus asks, as a male do you find yourself worn out at the end of the day? Even though you are now working longer hours, do you think you are as productive? At Mars Venus, we teach train two ways to combat unproductiveness: (1) replenish testosterone stores daily and (2) clearly defined SMART goals.

Do you remember when you were more productive? Do you think it has to do with having more energy and focus? You may recall being more productive when you were younger or when you were well-rested—like after a holiday weekend or after doing something with your male friends. This is because you topped off your stores of testosterone. In a relaxed state you are more productive, because your focus is better.

There are physiological reasons for why you are more productive when you spend time resting and relaxing. For males your stress-reducing hormone is testosterone. For women it is oxytocin. This is partly why asking your girlfriend, mom, wife, sister, or female co-worker to relax, sit down and rest, forget about it, or do something different may be met by resistance on their part. These kinds of activities are not stress-reducing for women if they have many things to do. However, for men when you shift gears to easier tasks such as:

reading an article,

checking sports scores,

watching a TV show,

surfing the internet, or

just sitting and doing nothing,

forgetting the problem for awhile, or

taking a nap

What you are doing when you are doing these activities is replenishing your testosterone stores. If you ask a woman to do the same thing it can have the opposite effect and increase her stress. You can learn more about this by attending one of our Mars Venus Coaches seminars or taking an eWorkshop if you’re really crunched for time. Your relationships will improve at work and at home. And, when males anticipate coming home to a successful relationship…it’s a testosterone producer! So what does replenishing testosterone daily have to do with productivity?

The way you attack being more productive then gets into creating SMART goals. Your goals professionally and personally need to be:

S—Specific

M—Measurable

A—Achievable

R—Results-Oriented

T—Time Bound

Once you sit down, write out, and create your SMART goals, complete them when you say you will, and work on them every day. If you are doing things that are not a part of your goals, then you must choose to keep doing them or not. By writing and following through on your goals you learn how to prioritize and manage your time. If you don’t know where to start or what’s important, then this is when coaching may help you gain clarity and accountability to follow through on your intentions.

Mars Venus firmly believes leaders are not born. They are molded by mentors they respect that have been, in turn, trained and guided by their mentors. A leader is created and the whole process starts inside the most dangerous place you’ll ever encounter your own mind. How can you become a strong leader who inspires others, drives people toward excellence, holds people accountable, and instills a sense of trust?

Mars Venus teaches what makes a great leader. Here are some things you can do to become the leader you’ve always wanted to be:

1. Control yourself. Mars Venus teaches the art of self control. Every great leader in history has had to become a master of self-discipline and willpower in order to stay focused on the big picture. If you don’t have a goal or the drive to achieve it, you can’t lead others to attain theirs.

• Follow through in everything you do. As challenging as it may be, you need to be disciplined enough to be where you need to be, when you need to be there, whether you want to or not. By being strong in your resolve and resisting temptation to give up, you are setting an example for others to live up to.

• Choose your emotional response to a situation carefully. Sometimes you’ll need to practice the art of silencing your inner thoughts when they’re not appropriate in order to set a positive example.

• Make sure you publicly praise the people who do excellent work for you. You’ll give the person a sense of accomplishment and the drive to do even better.

• When someone does something wrong, offer constructive criticism and do it privately. Suggest solutions on how they can improve and take the time to answer any questions. They’ll accept your input more willingly if they know it’s done to help and not to harm.

4. Know your people. You can’t truly lead a group of people unless you truly understand their hopes, dreams, struggles, pains, and goals. All the good intentions in the world mean nothing unless you have a true sense of the people you’re working with.

• Be their leader, first, and their friend second. You’re their leader and that means that you have to make difficult decisions from time to time. These decisions cannot be affected by personal relationships.

Remember that in order to lead others, you must be disciplined yourself. After all, your actions will speak louder than anything you can say. In order to gain the respect of others, strive to lead by example in every area of your life. When you follow these simple guidelines, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a true leader!

Mars Venus is of the premise, that contrary to popular belief, men and women are not equal. Despite what we have been led to believe, let it be said again, men and women are not created equal. We are different, and the corporate world is now ready to embrace this reality, rather than continue to operate on the fallacy that men and women should be treated the same. Should I even broach the topic that corporate is still being run from a man’s perspective; meaning it is still weighted to men’s communication and leadership styles? Mars Venus teaches the unique gender differences, not just at first glance anatomy wise, but also physiologically from the way we have different hormones which reduce our stress levels, to our style of communicating. Recent neurological studies show how men and women’s brains differ when communicating, when under stress, and when reducing stress. Mars Venus applauds the companies that embrace gender intelligent communication. Those companies are rising to the top of the Forbes lists. Still, both men and women alike continue to comment on why it doesn’t make sense that the few women who make it to top executive positions are still reaching a glass ceiling, despite the fact women are now outranking men in obtaining post-secondary degrees and beyond. Ask any woman who has just decided to have or has just had a baby what is more important to her: raising her family or rising up the corporate ladder. It really should not be about either or. Women can have both. The climate in the corporate world is changing, and the ones that are coming out victors are the ones who acknowledge the unique gender differences, embrace the idiosyncrasies, and create harmony in their workforce. In fact, we as a society need to learn how to create this balance. Stress levels are at an all-time high. If we do not learn how to communicate more effectively with one another so that our relationships both in and out of the workplace are more balanced there is not going to be a thriving population a few generations down the road. We now understand the research behind the hormones responsible for men and women coping differently with stress, and how this actually increases stress levels in the opposite sex—both at work, and at home. The companies rising to the top are the ones which embrace gender intelligent communication. Why? People are able to communicate with each other more effectively, be more productive, and are generally happier, because they feel heard and respected. The levels of women and men at the top of corporate will equal out when this change in culture is embraced.

Earlier this year on BNET both Kimberly Weisul blogged about people still discriminating against women when they make investment and leadership decisions and Margaret Heffernan blogged about bias blinding us to being more successful by incorporating that which is unfamiliar into our decision-making process. Margaret is encouraging us to embrace, hire, and work with whomever and whatever is different from us. I’m throwing my two cents in as well to add to this discussion, as the timing is right and we are ripe for change. I am a former Marine Corps officer, who also happens to have a master degree in counseling. I have lived the experience of being in a male-dominated world. I also have the knowledge base from counseling that most problems, whether they are personal or related to work, are caused by a failure in communication due to unrealistic expectations and unexamined assumptions. With that being said, one of the major areas I work with people on now as a Mars Venus Success Coach is helping people communicate more effectively to improve both their professional and personal relationships. Articles abound with what is unfair and wrong about why women are not being slotted in top executive positions. Mars Venus Coaching is well aware there are still ceilings to break so we can build a stronger, more efficient, more balanced workforce. We’ve gotten this far operating on the premise (which is both an unrealistic expectation and unexamined assumption) that men and women are equal, deserve the same opportunities, and should be treated the same way. Women with their degrees not too long ago stepped up to the plate to take on executive positions. Many wondered why it was so difficult to be promoted or to be paid an equivalent wage. The world they were operating in was one created by men. Unfortunately, this is still the case in most industries. Most of the corporate world still operates in a system gender-biased to men’s style of communicating. Women are now and have been in the workplace since our first world war, and the phenomena being discussed centers around the shift that has occurred with more and more women being in the workforce. Countless studies now show women seek and obtain BOTH undergraduate and graduate degrees at unprecedented levels. With the slip in the economy, more women have also hung up their hats and returned to raising their kids, because the climate in corporate was not habitable for long-term residency. It is intolerable that we continue to operate from the prejudice that women should fit into this concept of “corporate” that was designed by and for men.

With more women in the workforce communicating in the style unique to their gender, corporate is no longer a man’s world. To prove this point, the companies that fiscally are succeeding and surpassing their counterparts are the ones who embrace the unique differences of the sexes into their climate. This is where Mars Venus Coaching feels the focus should be—on the solution of how we make ALL companies this way. We should focus more energy and our resources to raising awareness of how to intelligently communicate with one another so that all of our goals are met. If we are able to respect each other for what we have to offer, then the quality of life for everyone both in the workplace and at home will rise. The answer lies in acknowledging, understanding, respecting, and encouraging our different communication styles based on the proclivities of our gender. If we can figure out how to communicate intelligently, where no one person or style or way is better than the other, then relationships will become re-balanced both at work and at home. As I commented on Kimberly’s blog, leaders know that their _____ (you fill in the blank, as you are a leader right now in evoking this change) is only as successful as the quality of their relationships with their people. There will be no ceiling to break, because a new corporate world will have been created embracing the culture shift, climate change, whatever you’d like to call it where both men and women are respected equally for their uniqueness.

There is uniqueness between the sexes in the ways we communicate with each other. Our communication style lies at the heart of our expectations. Generally speaking, women want to participate in the decision-making process, and men want to delegate. For example take something as mundane as shopping for groceries. Women may want consensus in the household or with whomever the dinner guests are that they will like what she buys. She may ask her husband what he’d like for dinner the upcoming week, and his typical response may be, “just get something. You do the shopping.” He’s made the decision he will eat whatever is made, and she can decide what to get without him. Which one is right? There is no right answer, this is just a tendency men and women have when buying or selling. Similar conversations go on in the workplace as well in regards to should we invest in this prospect, market to this target audience, or sell to this buyer. What will take businesses to the next level is the recognition that men and women have unique ways of communicating, and bringing both to the table makes for more profit not just with the bottom line, but also in regards to quality of life. What needs to be happening now amongst us is a discussion on how we can lift each other up and create balance. Are you familiar with Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? I bet you have heard of this concept, but have you incorporated this language into how you deal with your family and friends? What about using gender intelligent communication with your co-workers? Dr. John Gray’s life work deals with explaining the ways men and women communicate differently so that we can have better relationships, both at work and in our personal lives. The coaches as Mars Venus Coaching are working globally with executives, businesses, and individuals to promote this climate of gender difference acceptance so that more people are able to experience success—whatever that means for them—in their lives. The quest is to re-balance people in their relationships so things like their business, which is supposed to be a vehicle to enable them to live the lifestyle of their dreams, is just that an enabler so they can have both work and play. Using Mars Venus as a language to help one another understand the opposite gender’s tendencies unlocks the door for people wherever they are on the corporate ladder or in their personal lives to use their business as a vehicle to the lifestyle they want, instead of business being their lifestyle.

The Mars Venus explanation in gender intelligent communication allows for dialogue to enter into the workforce about how our styles complement each other. You cannot find another coaching or consulting company that incorporates gender intelligent communication into all facets of their services. Mars Venus Coaching operates on this premise for success. To spread the solution for what’s needed to stabilize the shift currently underway to keep women in the workforce, and normalize equal numbers of executives at the top what needs to happen now is for companies to work from the real premise (not an unexamined assumption we’re equal or an unrealistic expectation that we’re equal) that companies are stronger, and they perform better when gender intelligent communication is embraced, encouraged, and respected. Getting back to the points generated by bnet discussions, yes, both discrimination and bias stands in the way of the most educated and informed person making investment and leadership decisions. This is due to foggy glasses. The good news is that we can clean our glasses, remove some of the foggy filtering, or take them off completely. There is room for a solution, and there is a way for everyone to gain balance and meet their goals. Our glasses are foggy, because we choose to operate with the filters gained through experience, and our own internal dialogue telling us what to think, say, and do. However, any coach or mental health professional will tell you to make the best informed decision you have to operate from reality; meaning, what’s in front of your face, so you live in the present moment and operate logically based on facts, not on bias, discrimination, judgments (also known as unexamined assumptions and unrealistic expectations). What this means is we have to divorce our petty biases and discriminatory judgments from the situation. The easiest, fastest way to do this is to communicate with one another based on our gender’s unique style of communicating. This requires active listening, and the ability to say what needs to be said in the dialect the other person understands, not your own. Active listening is a method that is taught in Mars Venus Coaching extensive training sessions. So men—it behooves you to pick up on women’s nonverbal and verbal communication when talking to women and reflect back what they are saying, and vice versa. When you are able to practice these skills at more effective assertive communication, and come from a genuine place of connecting, the sky is the limit for how far you’ll go in your professional life (personal too!).

What helps employers find better employees? Mars Venus realizes some employers may be utilizing monster, google searches, and checking out potential employees Facebook profiles to find better qualified candidates. Here’s a new way of hiring for your company that you may not have been aware of thus far, but is more time-efficient and cost-effective. Mars Venus explains, if you don’t change your hiring process system, then you’ll just get more of what you’ve already gotten. Here’s a proven recruiting and induction system on how to get the cream of the crop. The four hour format is based on the following four principles:

(1) Attracting a large pool of applicants allows a greater likelihood to find the right person.

(3) Observing a shortening list of applicants performing essentials of the position in real-time eliminates being surprised on the first day with an applicant’s actual vs. referenced performance.

(4) Assessing a short list of applicants helps ensure you’re making an appropriate match.

If you hire a person on the first meeting, I guarantee you it will not be the same person in 2 weeks. You’re taking a risk. You really are calling on Lady Luck and the luck of the draw if you base your decision on the 1st interview. Typically, you show the best version of yourself when you first meet someone. How about after meeting someone for the fourth time? The 4 step process requires applicants to show up 4 times. Those able to follow through and are consistent in their demeanor are the ones who really want the job. You are not necessarily looking for the right or wrong person, the 4 hour format allows you to just get more of a feel for the person.

Mars Venus has devised a 4 hour format is designed to give 1 hour meetings over 4 times with 1 or 2 days in between.

The next meeting one to two days later is 1-on-1 deeper, job expectations, what they’ll do with the pay, show up on time a second time, wear same professional clothing about 50%, 15 in room 10 to next step. Or only 1.

Step 3

Two to three days later do an on-site screening of your leads (test drive). This is where they meet the rest of the team 1 on 3. Mars Venus suggests at this time each of your team members can ask questions to assess if the applicant is qualified, and if the dynamics are there to work within your organization. Identify what 3 things are absolutely essential for this applicant to do well? Then test drive candidates to complete 2 to 4 hour trial of top 3 responsibilities/tasks of positions. De-brief on-site screening (test drive) with candidates. Include your existing team members in review of candidate performance. At this meeting see again if the applicants are presenting themselves as the same person as on the first meeting. Do they consistently show up on time? Are they courteous? Are they still dressing professionally? Develop your short list of candidates (around 2-4).

Step 4

This is the actual final interview and hire. If the applicant has shown up all 4 times, if the applicant has been on time all 4 times, the applicant has been wearing professional clothing each time, they have been presenting themselves the same. Then the last man standing wants the job for the right reason. Use open-ended vs. close-ended questioning: “what have you…, how have you…” to uncover actual past experience pertaining to skill set and tasks required for your position. Use the same questions for all interviewees, then rate the response 1-5 and record comments. Rank short list according to preferences, then check references of top choice. There are several websites offering pre-employment Test that will facilitate the process. Then negotiate salary and make an offer by completing the hiring agreement/contract.

What helps employers find better employees? Mars Venus realizes some employers may be utilizing monster, google searches, and checking out potential employees Facebook profiles to find better qualified candidates. Here’s a new way of hiring for your company that you may not have been aware of thus far, but is more time-efficient and cost-effective. Mars Venus explains, if you don’t change your hiring process system, then you’ll just get more of what you’ve already gotten. Here’s a proven recruiting and induction system on how to get the cream of the crop. The four hour format is based on the following four principles:

(1) Attracting a large pool of applicants allows a greater likelihood to find the right person.

(3) Observing a shortening list of applicants performing essentials of the position in real-time eliminates being surprised on the first day with an applicant’s actual vs. referenced performance.

(4) Assessing a short list of applicants helps ensure you’re making an appropriate match.

If you hire a person on the first meeting, I guarantee you it will not be the same person in 2 weeks. You’re taking a risk. You really are calling on Lady Luck and the luck of the draw if you base your decision on the 1st interview. Typically, you show the best version of yourself when you first meet someone. How about after meeting someone for the fourth time? The 4 step process requires applicants to show up 4 times. Those able to follow through and are consistent in their demeanor are the ones who really want the job. You are not necessarily looking for the right or wrong person, the 4 hour format allows you to just get more of a feel for the person.

Mars Venus has devised a 4 hour format is designed to give 1 hour meetings over 4 times with 1 or 2 days in between.

The next meeting one to two days later is 1-on-1 deeper, job expectations, what they’ll do with the pay, show up on time a second time, wear same professional clothing about 50%, 15 in room 10 to next step. Or only 1.

Step 3

Two to three days later do an on-site screening of your leads (test drive). This is where they meet the rest of the team 1 on 3. Mars Venus suggests at this time each of your team members can ask questions to assess if the applicant is qualified, and if the dynamics are there to work within your organization. Identify what 3 things are absolutely essential for this applicant to do well? Then test drive candidates to complete 2 to 4 hour trial of top 3 responsibilities/tasks of positions. De-brief on-site screening (test drive) with candidates. Include your existing team members in review of candidate performance. At this meeting see again if the applicants are presenting themselves as the same person as on the first meeting. Do they consistently show up on time? Are they courteous? Are they still dressing professionally? Develop your short list of candidates (around 2-4).

Step 4

This is the actual final interview and hire. If the applicant has shown up all 4 times, if the applicant has been on time all 4 times, the applicant has been wearing professional clothing each time, they have been presenting themselves the same. Then the last man standing wants the job for the right reason. Use open-ended vs. close-ended questioning: “what have you…, how have you…” to uncover actual past experience pertaining to skill set and tasks required for your position. Use the same questions for all interviewees, then rate the response 1-5 and record comments. Rank short list according to preferences, then check references of top choice. There are several websites offering pre-employment Test that will facilitate the process. Then negotiate salary and make an offer by completing the hiring agreement/contract.

For anyone attending recent women’s business conferences or reading the latest articles devoted to the lack of women in the executive ranks, Mars Venus Coaching asks you to open your mind to the possibility of a quick, yet long-term fix to increase the status of women in the corporate world. There is an undercurrent of paranoia and frustration about why numbers are not equalizing among the sexes at the top of the leadership pyramid. These feelings of uneasiness are in response to being run ragged by constant low-grade stress. Whenever we ask people if they are familiar with the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, there tends to be an instant lighting up of the eyes, and an intake of breath. This term coined by Dr. John Gray when he wrote his best-selling book of that title back in 1992 is now considered to be part of our society’s vernacular. Dr. John Gray has written many books relating to the Mars Venus dynamic (16 and counting). Instead of reading the research and literature, the following is a quick synopsis of why implementing this quick fix is imperative. It’s important not only for women to remain in and ascend the corporate ladder, but also to re-balance and give quality of life back to everyone in this fast-paced, high-tech world. The solution Mars Venus refers to is introducing gender intelligent communication into professional development training.

Our current expectations and assumption men and women are equal, and therefore must be treated the same is both an unrealistic expectation and an unexamined assumption. To address reality, the solution is to address the real issue, and that is the current state of men’s communication style being preferred, while disregarding how women communicate. The solution then is to teach how men and women communicate differently in workshops at work. Women are up against a brick wall when it comes to fitting into a culture that disregards their unique gender-based contributions of working and relating to others. The solution of teaching gender intelligent communication implements a culture shift at corporate to equally embrace and respect men and women’s unique gender contributions. Continuing to force women to assimilate to a male created work climate is unwise. Now we are armed with information regarding why and how it damages both our bodies (health and wellness wise) and our relationships (at work and at home).

The latest research shows how men and women’s interaction with stress is different in three ways. The first is how the chemicals in our brain respond differently to stress. The second way we’re different is we produce different stress-reducing hormones. Men reduce stress by producing testosterone, and women reduce stress by producing oxytocin. And the third is the way we reduce our stress. How we produce the stress-reducing hormone based on our gender, actually increases the other gender’s stress! The research is good to understand the why’s behind the way we behave, and more importantly why we communicate differently the way we do with one another; however, what is more germane to this discussion is the quickest way to balance men and women in the workplace. The easy answer is we do this through gender intelligent communication workshops.

The culture needs to change, and the quickest way is to train people in the ways men and women communicate differently. The first level of learning is awareness. The second level is putting it into practice. Previous solutions offered saved face. This “lip service” backfired with more misunderstanding and disgruntled employees. This solution does not promote women being promoted without hard work or merit. The companies which accept and respect women’s unique penchant for attention to detail while they incorporate everyone into the decision-making process at the same time as when they identify emotional consequences are the companies gaining recognition for success and increased quality of life for its employees and customers. This solution is not lip service, because it requires an immediate call to action to train people how to effectively communicate.

When the two different gender styles of communication are both given credit for their strengths and weaknesses, then the playing field is leveled, because our unique ways of relating to one another are understood, respected, and embraced. Changing the way we talk to one another, in essence, is the fundamental first step that has heretofore been missing. A culture shift occurs when we are able to open our hearts and minds to understand the other person’s way of communicating as being a slight variation in dialect. The modus operandi of male communication patterns or else is outdated. Running a balanced work world embracing both men and women’s unique contributions acknowledges everyone’s gifts. In turn this makes the workplace more productive and conducive to both new growth and change as the workforce assimilates cultural awareness. There will be equal numbers of men and women in and at the top in the corporate world once everyone is respected for their method of communicating. Lucky for us the by-product is lower stress levels for all. This goes a long way for our economic, health, and marriage crisis; which would be easier to handle if our relationships were open, honest, healthier, and a source of comfort both at work and at home.

We have all worked with an employee who seems to be beating to their own drum. They are either out of step with the rest of the company’s climate, or completely off target. How many of us have tried to motivate this employee to get with the program? How many have written it off as not their problem? How many of us have tried to motivate this employee and failed spectacularly? Do we know the difference between motivating and inspiring others? And, did you know that what inspires a male, generally does not inspire a female? Mars Venus Coaching explains how men and women’s communication styles are different, but equal. When you understand these dynamics, then you are able to tap into and help people draw out their potential like never before, because you are speaking to their heart when you speak their same language at the same time you inspire them to greatness.

Let’s first address the difference between motivation and inspiration. When you attempt to motivate others, the motivation comes from outside an individual. Basically, you can motivate anyone to do small things faster. However, when you are externally driving a person to work more or faster, the effect lasts as long as the motivation lasts and is short-lived at best. As a leader in order to inspire an employee to greatness and to develop into their best self requires a little more time and patience as you focus on educating them to draw out their own conclusion. When you push-in or force someone to be something they are not, the result is short-lived. The etymology of the word education is derived from the Latin, educare, which means “bring up.” Educare is related to educere “bring out,” “bring forth what is within,” “bring out potential” and ducere “to lead.” Therefore, when you are in the act of educating someone in this sense, you are inspiring them to be the best they can be. This is the process to unlock intrinsic motivation for the person to keep excelling according to their own will.

Now that you understand the difference between motivating and inspiring an employee, let’s look at the different ways you would do this for a man verses a woman. The key lies in the “why,” and the way in which you find out a person’s why depends on their gender, because men and women are socially taught different ways to communicate their preferences. If you can identify why a person would want to motivate themselves to be more productive, then you are able to unlock this process of drawing out potential for them. Inspiration to increase their capabilities will then become internal.

A large majority of the challenges we experience across gender begin with the different ways the gender’s use language to communicate. The words we use (or don’t), and the meanings we attach to those words affect how we view each other. Sometimes we use exactly the same words but attach completely different meanings to them. The easiest way to remember the difference is the preference for men to use “I” and women to use “we” when speaking. Women’s communication style is from a point of inclusion, because they are socialized to be inclusive, i.e. maintain harmony; and consequently, women tend to use “we” when speaking. Men, however, are socialized for independence and tend to exclusively use “I” when speaking.

To Inspire Women:
Build Rapport
Avoid Monopolizing the Conversation
Respect her Abilities
Involve, Do Not Lecture
Be Precise and Specific with Praise

Remember, the best way to help someone become self-motivated, and therefore inspired to bring forth their own potential is to tap into the “why” behind what they are doing. When we are cognizant of the different dialect men and women use, then we are able to communicate in a manner where the other person is comfortable. You can then focus on the underlying “why” reasons behind why people perform the way they do. When you are able to identify what you like, and praise what you would like to be repeated—you are coming from a place rewarding positive behavior. And, everyone likes to be told what they are good at, not what they could do better.