18 Jan 2011

I took a break from work and writing today to pick up some books at the local library (I really, really, really love libraries. Hug a librarian today!). I ended up waiting in line behind two women who were in one of those pointless arguments that most people only have when they're under 12 or over the limit.

Team Paw: I just don't understand how anyone could prefer a cat over a dog. A dog returns your affections, a dog can be trained ...

Team Claw: But a dog is also messy and can do more damage. Cats are simply regal - and they DO return affection.

Team Paw: Cats can do plenty of damage - and usually they're not friendly. Plus, dogs are far more intelligent.

Team Claw: *Smug* My dear, the superiority of cats just can't be argued. As they say, dogs have masters, cats have staff!

You see, that's not an argument for cats, that's an argument against the intelligence of cat owners. Whenever people say that tired old line, I want to shout, "you realize that makes you 'the staff', right? You've just proudly announced that you're the willing servant to a spastic, crotch-licking, moody ball of fur and dander that is too stupid or lazy to learn its own name.Therefore, I really can't trust your judgment on anything."

5
comments:

Just wanted to say how friggin, fraggan hilarious your blog is - sometimes superfunny women seem to be as hard to come by as a unicorn sighting, but then I realized you were Canadian and it all made sense. If the 50s housewife experiment is turned into a book I'll be first in line to buy. Keep up the great work!

I have one simple argument in defense of cats over dogs. They are way more low maintenance. Dogs constantly need attention, and if you leave town for a couple of days, you can't just leave huge bowls of food and water like you can with cats! I'm not staff to my three fur balls, they exist strictly for my amusement. Love your blog!

Like a high powered executive who visits a dominatrix in order to unwind and feel no stress, the exceptionally intelligent pet owner selects an animal that understands one of its main functions is to provide direction to its owner... oops, staff. This is why many libraries have a cat in residence.

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My name is Jen and I look like that picture at all times. I enjoy appetizers as entrees, fountains choreographed to music and television shows intended for teenage girls. Oh - and I really dislike it when people spell it "Jenn"; it's practically a phobia.