Dropping The "F" Bomb: FAT

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog here on Psychology Today - Are Fat Women Sexual Targets? Exposing the Practice of "Hogging". This blog struck countless chords in my readers and the comments came fast and furious. Many of my readers skipped right over the true content of my post (it was about the cruel practice of some men to target and prey on fat women for casual sex) and instead, focused on my use of the word "FAT" which they felt to be cruel and over used. The back and forth that followed in the comment section of that blog was incredibly insightful and sometimes alarming — take a peek into how some people perceive being fat, fat women, sexuality and the inclination of men who either find fat women sexy or use them for kicks.

I just left a week long retreat at what many people, including the other guests, would call a "Fat Farm". I went as a part of my year long project for my own rejuvenation which I have named "Project ReCharge". The fat farm, better known as Hilton Head Health is located on Hilton Head Island in South Carolina and attracts fat people from all over the United States and around the world.

Happy Fat Women

At dinner I sat with different people including a military power couple (a Brigadier General and a Rear Admiral) as well as single women and men of every sexual orientation, political stripe, marital status, religious background and cultural identity. Some were there as "presents" from family and friends—others were there because they were making a life transition. Still others were at Hilton Head Health because they simply wanted a vacation where they could lose weight and improve their fitness level. Weight loss goals ranged from ten pounds to over a 100 pounds. We were a fruit salad of diversity with one thing in common—fat.

I shared with newfound friends the story of my blog and asked them what they liked to be called. Are they "overweight"? To which some piped up "Over what?"

"Well, what about 'chubby', 'plump', 'husky', 'plus size' or 'portly'"? I pressed on.

My fellow fatties just started to roll their eyes and laugh. My favorite remark came from a man working on losing about 70 pounds. "We are fat. That's okay. We are here to own that, learn to take charge of our bodies and our health. If I couldn't admit to being fat, I couldn't do the work that I need to do here. I am not hiding my size behind the word "portly". Fat is not a dirty or insulting word. It is what I am right now. I am a fat man in transition to being a less fat man!"

I stood up and gave my fellow camper a hug. When did fat become such a dirty word that the use of the word "fat" was more alarming to some of my readers than the practice of "hogging"?

Fat woman enjoying food!

How did it happen that one of my readers wanted studies to prove to him that fat people could be found sexy and attractive just as they were! Or that another reader comented that fat women simply had more sex than anyone else because they lacked self control? When did fat become the "F" bomb and fat people the target of false assumptions and so many awful projections?

But it is because I love my body that it became time to lose 6% of my body weight as prescribed by my doctors for a speciic health issue. By the way — the health issue I have affects thin people too. But in my case, my doctors believe I will feel better and my symptms will abate when I have lost some weight. My fatness has nothing to do with my self control, my sexual desires, or my apparent sex appeal. My fat is just a part of who I am right now, no more or less emotionally loaded for me than the color of my hair or perhaps my age.

My fat self is not happier than my thin self - it is always me!

Fat is just a word. I drop it like a pebble into the water. But it is so interesting the ripples that it causes. So are you fat? Does the word "fat" offend you? And if it does, would you mind sharing why? I would love to hear your comments about dropping the "F" bomb. Do you do it?

I am fat, beautiful, and I enjoy casual sex. I think if you do something you enjoy, you naturally become good at it. And if you follow that logic, if you are good at something, people take notice. I don't get the impression that I am being used for something; I believe that the other person is enjoying something as much as I am.

I believe that everyone's reaction to the word "fat" is directly proportionate to their level of fat-induced self-loathing. I think it would be an unfathomably spiritually advanced person who does not have some level of self-consciousness and shame because they are obese. Or are they obese because of shame? Regardless, fat is not a fun word because of our society and because of associated adverse health reactions. We have to love ourselves, but not our fat. My intention to learn to love myself is built into my intention to become a healthy, happy weight!

I think the reason we find "fat" to be the ultimate insult in many cases is simply that it is. It is ultimate in the sense that being fat is one of the last things that can cause discrimination. Blatant racism is no longer tolerated by society, and homophobia is rapidly going the same way. But there is no protection for fat people. Perhaps it is because people believe they deserve what they get, that they should have more self-control, or that fat people are not people at all. Maybe people believe that those who are clearly fat must be used to being called fat, must not mind, otherwise they would do something about it.

It's been said a million times that our society is becoming more and more shallow. While this may be true, I think the reality is more that society is becoming more and more driven toward perfection. Through plastic surgery and numerous other options, perfection seems more attainable than ever. And with the job market as it is, with students needing more and more advanced degrees to guarantee a job, life has become a competition. We must be perfect in every aspect of our being, in order to ensure our place. And "fat" is not perfect. Fat is the most obvious disorder of all. Personality flaws can be hidden, laziness or incompetence can be covered, but fat is out there for everyone to see. It's easy to discriminate against fat people, so the discrimination continues.

I'd much rather avoid the word "fat" myself because it draws attention to just my weight rather than my weight as just an extension of my self. I'd also prefer "chubby," "plump," or "stout" over "overweight," "portly," or "heavy." Not to mention that my mother consistently criticizes me with: "You are beautiful but [you need to lose weight] ..." My loved ones also attribute my constantly being mistaken for being underage (I am 23) to my disproportional weight to my unusually low height. I believe I am neither a dwarf nor a midget though I have somewhat short limbs that allow me to touch my toes easily. These conditions and experiences have so far led me to believe that perhaps one crucial reason I have never dated before is that men my age might not recognize me as an adult young enough to date or marry.

I am never one to claim that "I love my body" when faced with issues like never getting to try out fashion trends until skinny jeans and jeggings went out, or annoying underwear garters that roll up from from the swell of my belly, or worrying that I'd have to live with stretch marks on my upper arms, shoulders, hips, and thighs for the rest of my life even if I eventually get thin enough to wear a bikini.

For now, I want to lose weight to let people see the slender woman under the layer of fat (I was quite muscular as a child). Oh, and get rid of the fat tissues that have destroyed my gall bladder and enveloped my liver by the time I was 20.

Fat is ugly and disgusting to look at. Its also disgusting to see someone let themselves go so bad till they can't find clothes they can fit in or they can't even waddle into the store and have to use an electric cart. Or so fat they cause themselves to get damaged joints and diabetes. Its gluttony plain and simple. I was/am still to some degree one of those people after losing a lot of weight. Quit trying to sugar coat it or gain acceptance. Being obese is like a slow version of suicide. Its something people do to themselves when they let themselves go and shouldn't be condoned. It ain't sexy to look at either. The fit trim people in the gym are the nice one's to look at, so don't kid yourself. Fat women have a lot of sex because guys know they are desperate and have low self esteem and will be less likely to say no to casual sex. Its not about perfection, its about not allowing yourself to get so fat that you kill yourself from inactivity and overeating.

I think this is a very interesting topic. Even though "fat" is a relative term it is interesting that people found that term more offensive than "hogging." I think part of this has to do with the bombardment of photo shopped picture perfect models and the resulting ubber high appearance standards that many people have create in their own minds. I think overall if we focused on real health rather than appearance we would all be better off. Learn and implement solid nutritional practices that actually feed your body first. Nutrition is king. Then begin to exercise with gradually increasing difficulty. Focus on that and your body will catch up. I feel like to many of us are focusing the completely wrong things when it comes to health. Appearance is important, but health is vital.