Monday, July 14, 2014

Kris Gilpin IMHO Dept. "A DRIVE-IN BIMBO PREMIERE"

A DRIVE-IN BIMBO PREMIERE

By Kris Gilpin

I'd read about Joe Bob Brigg's Texan drive-in premieres but this was the first such event I was actually able to attend. On the night of Wednesday, May 4th of 1988, with LA rock radio KNAC and Empire'sAssault of the Killer Bimbos at Burbank's Pickwick Drive-In.

The doors--I mean the gates--opened at 6:30 P.M. and the lot quickly filled to capacity. There were balloons sporting the title of the film tied to each speaker and each patron received a bag containing assorted "Bimbo" goodies: candies, a free pass to a local female Mud & Oil Wrestling show later that night, a Bimbo buck good for one free small popcorn and a drink (signed by Anita Rosenberg, the film's director), an "I'm a Killer Bimbo" button and an Assault of the Killer Bimbos bumper sticker.

A small stage was set up with microphones just in front of the snack bar; also in the area was a table Empire had set up on which they were selling red Killer Bimbos T-shirts for 5 $ each. On each side of the stage were speakers and in front of the stage were long tables with chairs.

Empire head Charles Band was buzzing around the crowd, talking to people, and the celebrities had begun to show; Angelyne, Our Lady of Perpetual P.R., was sitting in her trademark pink Corvette, her boobs overflowing her top; and I happily met Barbara (Re-Animator) Crampton (very sweet), who was leaning against her car.

Help somebody get the jaws of life, I'm stuck to this corvette!

The first order of business happened around 7 o'clock, as a KNAC D.J. hopped on-stage to introduce a trio of young women flown in from New York for the show; they are the group The
I-Dolls and they mimed to playback of two of their tunes (they were probably too nervous--and it was too cold--to really sing). They wore pink two-piece, plastic tops and minis, and danced along with the music (their second number was "Give a Dog a Bone")! Though she called herself "Tippi", I recognized the pretty blonde as actress Tessa Richarde (she had the topless scene shortly into The Last American Virgin).

Then it was time for the Bimbo Costume Contest as 17 young women lined up, dressed appropriately bimbo-ish, to see who would cop the coveted honor of appearing in the proposed sequel film, Bimbo Barbacue (yes I'm serious). About half of the girls wore something like bandanas tied around their breasts and showed lots of leg (some wore lace stockings with garters). The youngest looked to be about 13; she was not sleazed out and was very shy (her mother must've thrown her up on stage)!

Coming Never to a Drive-In near you!

The celebrity judges sat at the tables in front of the stage; they included actor Dick (Bewitched) Sargent, sex kitten/photo hound Edy (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls) Williams, Angelyne (who later walked away from her when Edy wanted someone to take a picture of both of them together), comic Jack Carter (who mugged for pictures with Angelyne, pointing to her chest and saying "Look, there's three of em")! The movie's director and two of its "bimbos", the Barbarian Brothers and Connie Stevens, who still looks cute.

That's right I was a Bimbo judge, I wanted to score....with Eddie Deezen!

The lights were not turned on as the sun went away; the audience cheered and rooted for their favorites, as thin halter tops and gobs of curly hair were everywhere. One woman named Heidi was wearing skin-tight pants with a zipper which ran up the ass; it earned a comment for the D.J.
The winner, however, was a smiley woman in a near-trenchcoat, looking more like a Bimbo Bum. After announcing herself as "The Scum Queen," the crowd was in love. There were three runners up, one of which looked nude and wore a sort of sheer body stocking (the audience went wild over her).

A crew from Entertainment Tonight was taping that night and it was said that Showtime (or come other cable network) was also around. It was finally time for the film to begin.

What do we do now, we've never had sex?

How was what? Oh, yes, the "film". It was about three women on the lam, falsely accused of murdering their sleazy boss (a go-go club owner); they get bent if anyone calls them "bimbos". The script is purile and the action unfunny (sometimes embarrassingly so); we stayed for Eddie Deezen's cameo (though he may not want me to remind you--never mind), then just drove out (many cars had already left before us), as it had become unwatchable. More dreck from Empire. Oh well; the festivities had been a lot of fun.