The ongoing Minnesota government shutdown is dragging the state into a new phase of No Fun Whatsoever, due to the shuttered state offices and programs that aren't handling day-to-day matters as usual. Do you Minnesotans like to drink beer or smoke cigarettes or not see poopy everywhere? Then for now, at least, you'll have to pack up your bindles and migrate down Iowa-way.

Many bars, restaurants and stores, who'd stocked up on alcohol when they saw the shutdown looming, have still nearly depleted their inventory — and if they weren't able to renew their state liquor purchasing cards during the mad pre-shutdown rush, they'll be shit out of luck until the government reopens. And as for cigarettes, the Star Tribunereports, the government has "stopped issuing the tax stamps that distributors must glue to the bottom of every pack before it's sold for retail."

The state's government shutdown, now in its 13th day, will soon force MillerCoors to pull its beer from Minnesota liquor stores, bars and restaurants. A state official says the law requires the company to stop selling products like Coors Light, Miller Lite and Blue Moon imminently. [...]

Eh, who needs these drinks anyw— WAIT, NO SPARKS LIGHT? So much for breakfast, you fucking fascists!

What are these poor Minnesotans supposed to do for fun now? It looks like they're rediscovering the old American pastime of shittin' on the ground with your buddies:

Another problem appears to have surfaced after picnickers and nature-seekers enter: Nature calls - and restrooms are locked.

While such [state] parks normally are bustling with people - and have facilities to serve them - the relative seclusion appears to have emboldened some to do their business along trails and other areas where no Minnesotan would normally dare to squat.

"People are taking it upon themselves to go out in the woods and relieve themselves, and without the presence of employees and others, they're not picking up after themselves," Konrad said. "People are also having a tendency not to pick up after their pets."