Why Narcissists Want to Make Their Partners Jealous

If you’ve ever had a partner who flirted with other people right in front of you, chatted up attractive strangers and tried to make you feel like you couldn’t measure up, well, maybe you were dating a narcissist.

And maybe they were doing it on purpose.

New research suggests that people who have a high level of narcissistic traits strategically induce jealousy in their mates as a way to meet certain goals: Control, in some cases, or a boost in their self-esteem.

“There is some element of normality to narcissists, in that they pursue goals much like everyone else does,” said study author Gregory Tortoriello, a psychologist at the University of Alabama. “We’re just finding that it’s to a slightly greater degree.” [The 10 Most Controversial Psychiatric Disorders]

Unraveling narcissism

Psychological research suggests that narcissistic personalities fall into two categories. The first is grandiose narcissism, marked by entitlement, extroversion and high self-esteem. Grandiose narcissists are very self-assured, Tortoriello told Live Science.

The second category, vulnerable narcissism, describes people who are similarly entitled and willing to exploit people to get what they want. But vulnerable narcissists have an “inherent fragility,” Tortoriello said. They are insecure, and have low self-esteem.

Tortoriello and his colleagues were intrigued by earlier research showing that narcissists often sabotage their romantic relationships with behaviors like flirting with other people. Researchers have theorized that these love-killing behaviors are impulsive and that narcissists can’t help themselves. But Tortoriello and his team suspected there might be more to the story.

The researchers asked 237 undergraduates to fill out questionnaires about their personality traits, jealousy-inducing behaviors and the motives for those behaviors. They found that the more narcissistic the person, the more likely they were to try to make their romantic partners jealous.

Playing games

The reasons for these romantic head games varied by the type of narcissism, though. Grandiose narcissists reported being motivated by their desire to gain power and control within the relationship. Vulnerable narcissists, on the other hand, tried to induce jealousy for multiple reasons. Control was one, along with testing the relationship’s strength, seeking security in the relationship, compensating for low self-esteem and exacting revenge for what they perceived to be their partner’s bad behavior. [6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage]

“They are, according to our study, inducing jealousy in their partners as a means to pursue some greater goal,” Tortoriello said. “They’re doing it intentionally.”