The humble journals, musings and explorations of the most endlessly intrigued person alive.
Staring the honest and modest David 'Pinky-Von-Sox' Tieck

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Cold Paranoia

I think I want to do more cold openings on my blog. You know
like they do on TV shows, where they open the show with a little bit of comedy
which doesn’t necessarily fit into the rest of the episode, or sometimes sets
it up, or sometimes is just crap. Let’s try it:

Where is the ocean? It’s a question that has plagued
scientists for years.

And now the opening credits and song:

The David Tieck Blog, the David Tieck blog, at the moment
it’s called Fleeting Forever again,

And I am still technically supposed to be writing every day
about it being the best of my life my friends,

Although based only on my own rules, which I have lapsed to
be just write something positive every day,

This is the David Tieck blog, staring David Tieck, and now
coming your way,

Written in front of a live studio audience.

And now to the main body of the blog:

So today I was driving for fourteen hours. It was fun. At
one point I was stuck in a maze of detours near Australia’s capital city of
Canberra trying to find the new freeway section, which bypasses the city. For a
whole section of time I kept being right behind this one black jeep. So much so
that I became convinced of several things:

1.That, given the same dance of roads we were
taking, he was obviously going to the same place as I was.

2.That he was going to get paranoid that I was
following him. Like in a creepy way. ‘Why does this guy keep taking all the
same god damn turns as I am?’

3.That I was getting very paranoid about making
him paranoid.

4.That it was almost worth going the wrong way so
that I could stop following him, and therefore stop him thinking I was
following him, and therefore could stop me thinking that he was thinking that I
was following him.

It was around now that I realized that he was not in fact
going the same way as me. I was so stuck in my head worrying about the whole
following fiasco, that I had missed my GPS saying loudly that my turn was
coming up, and then now, and then recalculating… recalculating… recalculating
all because this son of a bitch WASN’T going where I was going, and I was
trusting him and following him. What a fucking asshole. I ended up in the
middle of nowhere because of him.

The End.

So hell yeah, love the cold opening. How about that ocean
guys? Where the hell is it? And what the hell is that thing I have been
thinking was the ocean? Is this a conspiracy? Am I the only one who didn’t know
that that wasn’t the ocean? Why wasn’t that part of the blog resolved damn it?
I’m all paranoid. Who knows where I’ll end up because of this? I wonder if
there will be a black jeep there?

No comments:

Post a Comment

What smell should I invent next?

About Me

Hi I'm David Tieck, an author/comedian/artist from Sydney, Australia. This is my blog. I use it as an outlet for my peculiar mind. Come on in and feel free to add to the lovely absurdity in anyway that you are so inspired.