La lingua de Katia

La lingua de Katia
The writings of a child from a thousand different parents

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Guest Blog

Shit Goddamn, I'm a Man, I'm a Man.

What shallow exhibitionism this all is. But no matter, I am here and happy to be alive, and so shall you all come to know me, for my name is THE LORD.

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and an elephant? Mountainclimberelephantsintheta.

Ha.

But enough of this callow conspirationality. Garry Coleman is alive and well and fermenting nicely in my basement, and I will not have you befouling my product prior to its market date.

Knut Hamsun is dead as well. So it goes. Alas I may never procure his royaltities (accent on the second syllably, you guttar-dwelling swine), but no matter. For all artistic mistakes are intentional and thus provide infinite portals of discovery. Thus spake the one-eyed Irishman (and though I am in fact Irish, I assure you this sentence has no hidden phallic forebearance).

This is not Los Angeles, Atlantic, Dubai, Bangkok - no, it is a crepuscular melange of all of the Great Cities of the night, with the indian blue electric twilight beaming down from the heavens like the luminous red devil battery light of allmighty Allagh

To All English Majors Far and Wide (a guest entry)

Confidential to Dr. Winston O'Boogie:

Let us deride the smugness of The Times
GUFFAW!
So much the gagged reviewers,
It will pay them when the worms are wriggling in their vitals,
HERE are they who opposed newness,
Here are their tombstones.
They supported the gag and the ring,
Now a little black BOX contains them.
So shall you be also!
You slut-belied obstructionist,
You sworn foe to free speech and good letters,
You fungus, you continuous gangrene!

Perhaps I will die at thirty,
Perhaps you will have the pleasure of defiling my pauper's grave.
I wish you JOY, I proffer you all my assistance.
It has long been your habit to do away with true poets,
You either drive them mad, or else condone their drugs,
Or else talk of insanity and genius.
BUT I will not go mad to please you.
OH NO! I will stick it out,
And feel your hates writhing around my feet,
And I will laugh at you and mock you
And offer you consolations full of Irony.
Oh fools! Detesters of beauty!

I have seen those who go about with consolations,
Afraid to say how they HATE you.
Here is the taste of my BOOT;
CARESS it, lick off the BLACKING.

memory loss?

Ok so I had something really funny to write about, something that I was discussing with Steven Hall, my associate but I plum well forgot. Today's class was entertaining yet pretty long; I know this because I drew a lot of pictures...

Here is a conversation between Jane the Russian and Tamar the Simpson addicted slacker.
Jane: You eat with such enthusiasm, it makes me hungry.
Tamar: What? I make you hungry?
Jane: Yeah, cause the way you eat.

I don't know why I found this particularly fascinating but it is an exchange that I wanted to remember for the future especially because Jane is in baby blue, glittered jeans that have intricate cut outs and a light blue sparkly halter. Tamar on the other hand is in a pair of brownish lounge pants and a stripped loose shirt.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Who is HE?

I don't know why this is but I thought I would bring it up in the blog because it is a stupid and pointless observation that Freud would mark as an inability to fully commite. I have a BOYFRIEND who I am completely retarded over and yet when I talk to people relating stories about what I do in my free time; I say my friend instead of my boyfriend. Seriously every frickin time I say boyfriend I stumble over my words. I met this girl today, who didn't know me, I don't even think I told her my name but I told her a story and said my friend and I. I just don't think I like being seen as a boyfriend type of girl. Isn't this silly? I know that I would be hurt if he called me a friend. Heck I think I even raised my eyebrows at him once when I overheard him talking to his buddy about me as his neighbor. But that is different right? I had a right to be cross, neighbor is less then friend and friend is peanuts to Girlfriend. what stupid words huh? Almost as bad as "love". I don't know, he makes me feel sleepy and happy. I feel like I am tired all the time, I fell asleep in my class yesterday and today during a movie. Yet the weird thing is, before I started seeing him I slept like 6 hours a night and was always a good little hyper hippo and now I sleep 8 hours and am tired all the time. Maybe I am just getting old

Why did you choose English?

I can't believe this...I am in University, apparently a distinguished champion school and yet I am saddled with the biggest incompetent I have ever met. My T.A for Death and Immortality is said nincompoop. Ok, not to toot my own trumpet but I think I am a pretty respectable pupil and abide by most classroom rules; I am rarely tardy and I generally pay attention in class however this woman(girl) has proved the implausibly of understanding the material. And ya know what is behind the problem? She CAN"T speak English. No no no, I am not making a joke or being cruel, she literally cannot form sentences and resorts to drawing diagrams on the blackboard. I mean this might be acceptable BUT she can't draw either. She merely makes an arrow and points with a nib of chalk repeatedly. I am so frustrated, there is no point for me to get up at 8 to get to her discussion. I constantly feel like I am being filmed for candid camera, this can't be real, who the hell put this woman in charge? I can't deal with this! It is unbearable. I wish I could have the dean sit in because this is absurd. So there, there you have it. Why Kate became an English major because unlike other professors the English teachers don't pawn off their pupils onto T.As who spend an hour learning how to read by reading a handout out loud. I am so pissed.

I thought I would interject my daily Cancer Horoscope confirming that I must have been born in a different month and my parents designed some elaborate scheme, testing the affects of erroneous forecasts just to screw with me:

Tue Mar. 30, 2004
by Astrocenter.com

The moods of the natives of your sign are always fluctuating. Today looks like you are on an up note, dear Cancer, so enjoy the caring, sensitive mood of the day. You should find that you are able to more clearly express your emotions on a more intellectual level. At the same time, you are also able to put more feeling and sensitivity in your otherwise dry intellect. Realize that we are all one.

Monday, March 29, 2004

Don't Fuck with me I got a cold chicken in my purse

True story as I type there is literally a cold chicken emanateing a rather funky smell from the seems of my bag.
Most likely I will be attacked my hairless wilderbeasts as I truck it on home from the algid computer lab. (I like the word frore as well) Anywasy back to reality. I think I shall be famous and rich and give vast blank checks away to the opulent glitterati( i mean working class) It's just that my priorities have changed. I find myself ever so impresionable, I seem to be under the will of such reality television shows as The Apprentice, Extrememe Make over and Matt's Futon. All I want in life is a really great makeover and a million bucks to spend on slurpess and bad meat. You know that is one of my fantasys, to throw a raw bleedin stake and have it hit someone in the face leaving a nice long smear of blood from cheek to cheek. Awww if only I had the money to get away with bombarding innocent by standers with beefalo.

The FLoOr is SHaKiNG

What the hell? Have you ever noticed that the floor shifts in KOH? Weird. Maybe I am just delirious from the heat, but what can you do spend thirty one dollars on frozen food at Ralphs because that is exactly what I did. Damn Matt; he has an expensive smoothie makin habit that momma Kates appeases. Yeah so I have recently realized that my blog has gone to high hell. I mean I haven't been able to get into the swing of things since break. Damn it really is too hot today. I wanted to call up Jackie and invite myself over for a swim but I got on the phone. Stupid casting. No no no. I refuse to talk about casting over this thing. Here is a not so private previous conversation:
Matt: Walk me to school?
Kate: I guess since I have to go and blog anyway
...Silence...
Matt: what is your URL address again?
Kate: Nope.
Matt: what? It's not like I can't find it on my own.
...Silence...
Kate: I think I have blogger's block. I sit in front of the computer and have no idea about what to write about?
Matt: Write about your brother's new camera.
Kate: Naw
Matt: How about casting?
Kate: No, I'd feel like I was braggin'
Matt: Oh aren't you glamorous?
Kate: I don't know, it just seems like people treat you differently when they think one of your potential job prospects is casting.
Matt: Well, how about our various people watching activities in Santa Monica?
Kate: I'm sick of writing about you.
Matt: Hmmm, what about the girls who work in Bebe.
Matt begrudges the Bebe working girl's because of their superior attitudes in spite of their "inferior" minium wage incomes.

Earlier that day.
We flipped through channel after channel of abominable programming then settled for Noting Hill because I kicked the remote off of the futon...
Kate:Don't you think Julia Roberts is attractive?
Matt:No not really.
Kate: What you wouldn't do Julia Roberts?
Matt: Eh? She kinda has a weird face.
Kate: Well who do you find attractive?
Matt: I don't know.
Kate: Darrell Hannah? Kim Basinger?
Matt: Well they are all kinda old.
Kate:WHAT???
Then it dawned on me, they are older woman, but who cares they are "CLASSIC" beauties. And another thing, I have a hard time asking my boyfriend if younger girls are "hot". I mean it is weird to be like so Hillary Duff...pretty hot huh? She is like 16 and that is just wrong. My friend Nick is right I am turning into an old lady. Oh well all is well that ends well. But the conversation did not end well...
Kate:So who do you think is hot?
Matt: I don't know, Paris Hilton.
Kate:WHATTTTTT???
Matt:what? She's hot.
Kate: You are disgusting?
Matt: why?
Kate: she is like totally gross. You think an anorexic coke head is attractive.
Matt: Yeah
Kate: Do you realize that her leg is like half the size of my leg???
Matt: Whatever, you asked.
Kate: No, no I just think it is funny that of ALL the woman in the world you choose a Hilton sister.
..Silence..
so this is why guys and girls can't talk
Kate: So you would do her?
Matt: How old are you? DO HER?
...Silence...
Kate: If you were at a party and she got really drunk and pulled you in a corner, sticking her pickled cokey tongue down your throat, moaning for you to take her back to her townhouse would you?
Matt: Yes. I'd drug and then take her money...

So yeah I spend my free hours entertaining a capitalistic thief desperate for girls like Paris Hilton. Funny how life works out especially when you strutted around as "communism" last Halloween.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

My First Blog Back

Sunday, March 14, 2004

kick in the Butt

So I tried, I really tried. I woke up early this morning, put on gym clothes and skipped over to the lions center and it was CLOSED. I felt like such a dumb ass so I went across the way to King Hall to "check email" It is before ten on a sunday and I am sitting in a computer lab with three Indian guys...

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Then why am I so tired?

Cancer Horoscope----Thu Mar. 11, 2004
by Astrocenter.com

Your general ego and self-esteem should feel good at this time, dear Cancer. You will find that you can make great strides in the long-term projects on which you have been working. This is a good day to really put your nose to the grindstone and get to work on things. There is an extra bit of productive force in the day that will help you achieve just about anything you set your mind to.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Let's get Vertical

So, in hindsight I realize that I used to be vertically challenged and probably relished in extending on tip toes to reach things, such as a glass or the water fountain tap but now that I have realized my gargantuan altitude I have to wonder who the hell decides the height of the water fountain. I mean I would rather be on tip toe then squatting down to take a drink. I mean seriously in the library I practically have to lye down. I'm sick of horizontalism being thrust upon me.

I NeeD a FiX!!!

Love Is...

Buying your girlfriend a plan ticket to new york for spring break to see her distressed bestfriend even when you don't have the financial means to do so...
Love is...
Baking 2 dozen cupcakes for a sick friend who is probably to delirious to remember your visit...
Love is...
A group of friends falling asleep in the living room and never once complaining about a certain someone's snoring...
And I don't know what to call it...
When a guy holds out a bowl for his newly girlfriend of three weeks to puke in and then offer to hold her hair, even when she doesn't have any...

Monday, March 08, 2004

hey Ditchy mc Ditch

As I was ditching last Wednesday's fiction class, it seems that I ran into about half the class. I couldn't help but laugh because it was so blatently obvious that I was walking away from the campus. Ya see the thing is that I wanted to go to class, really I did, no no let's be honest here, I didn't want to go to class. I didn't want to think and I didn't even want to be in Los Angeles. The thought of fleeing from academia crept into my mind during death class. I find it funny because the class has nothing to do with dying. Aside, I am digressing, I was sitting in death shamelessly being hit on by a freshman fart of a frat boy when I was overcome by this terrible sense of remorse. I am wasting my life. Why the hell am I in school right now when my friend is in the hospital? What the hell am I doing? This is not responsible. I felt so annoyed that I left lecture and decided to go home. I was calling Sophie's mom as I ran into Danny who gave me a perplexed look. Apparently I was unable to visit until later that night so technically I could have turned about face and walked back towards the learned but I proceeded home, Well actually I proceeded to Matt's where I stripped and tackled him. He didn't have much say in the matter, since obviously I am crazy and there is no point arguing with a crazy person.
Continuing on I was about to have my father pick me up and take me to Sophie's when I got a call, she was alright but needed time to rest. I didn't want to inconvenience my dad so I figured I would see Sophie Thursday night. I'd like to say that she was ok and that her body didn't reject the surgery but this was not the case. At 9pm Sophie began violently vomiting until unconscious. Her mom rushed her to the emergency room where she lye on a cot in the hall as a nurse fed morphine into her vains. At six the next morning Sophie was moved into a hospital room and my mother was desperately trying to get a hold of me. As I stated before in previous blogs MY CAR IS DEAD! I had no way of getting to the hospital b/c Joanna had work, Steven has no car, Andrew had work, Jane was not around, Dance has no car, Vasto has no car, Evo has a motorcycle and I panicked. I ran over to Matt's and said, "My friend is in the hospital." His reply, "Need a ride?"
See see! There is hope. What a nice boy. He made no excuses, I knew that he had a really busy schedule and homework to do that day but he saw that I was upset and he helped me. Relationships, they are evil and I do fucking hate them but how can I be hateful when someone has been so sympathic and sweet. He took me to my friend during rush hour morning traffic and held my hand the whole way.

I'm Melting

Pale eyes and fair skin= sunburn
I can't handle cold weather and I can't handle hot weather. I want a white room, with a white floor and a white chair and a thermostat that keeps the temperature exactly the same. Did I just describe an asylum?

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Dupey McClone

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Hey Italian Gooofy

I'm Happy, let's see how long this lasts?
Yesterday, Dance and I had a knit off. We both finished our scarfs but then she had to write a paper. Andrew called my cell and I ran home to the rescue, in pursuit of the essence of life: Olive Oil. Too bad I was all out and he and Mandy Cat had dry pasta, that is unless he stole from Tamar(which is likely) I encourage Andrew's thiefery, I think it makes him a better man. Anyway when I ran back over to my place I noticed Matt walk by my window so I let out a yelp and ran out my door. I jumped on him in the rain and then on him in his bed. Poor lamb is all caffienated out from studying so I gave him a backrub. Oh no I can't talk about this on blog, sorry for the crap out but I have never really been the one to lie in bed and talk. I like to get up and do things, like watch tv or eat ho ho's. However I like crawling into him, under his flesh I hide and stay warm. After a few hours I realized I better collect my abandoned stuff from Dance's. She was talking to her love so I was brief as she kicked me out with the boot of her shoe. POW.
Matty came over in his pj bottoms and USC sweatshirt to stay over. We quickly ducked into my room and into bed by 11:25. Talking about death and suicide to the wee early hours of the morning seemed natural. He told me about a guy who hung himself and I told him about my old best friend's overdose. I asked him about his worst Christmas and about Church. I feel like I never run out of stories to tell him. It's strange I feel like I always have something to say or talk about. I think this is because he is such a good listener. I have more confidence in my voice because it seems like he wants to hear it. I find myself drifting off into slumber chatting away. Sometimes he lets me sleep, last night he shook me awake. So I didn't get much sleep. I think we went to bed at 4 or five. I tried to get up for my class and he wouldn't let me out of MY bed. We wrestled for forty minutes. Keep in mind, my bed is about 9 feet off the ground so wrangling is not in ones best interest. Already five minutes late for class I weaseled my way out of his clutches and into a pair of pin stripes. Unfortunatly we had a quiz today, and being so tardy I missed it naturally. Dammit. After class I called that diabolical alpha male and whinned. The nerve he lectured me on puntionality. Casually I asked where he was, "Starbucks, I feel smarter here." Great, so I snaked over to the "bucks" in between classes and there he was in an A&F button down, nike sweat pants, pearl jam undershirt and USC cap. Who the hell am I seeing???
I'm bored of blogging. I just watched the simpsons and now don't feel like writing about anything else...

Monday, March 01, 2004

Ballet ain't for sissies

I am so sore, I could barely do the splits this morning.
The library is pretty quiet or maybe I am just oblivious to the noise because I finally got batteries for my walk man. Yippee.
Today after ballet, I showered with two different soaps, cleaned my room then made lunch for Matt and I. He peaked into my bedroom and commented on the tidiness. He he:) I think I will vacuum tonight. I really should take my car into get repaired today but I would rather deal with it tomorrow. My mom thinks I am just out of oil.
Nikolai the giant Serbie just came into the library. He is so big and strong, and sweet to us. Yesterday ANdrew, Steven, Mike, Vasto, Asian Andrew and Benny watched the Oscars. I got so hyper I started convulsing in the living room...what's new.

I think very few people can exist in a relationship and remain interesting. Frequently, Most (myself) ompromise their(my) individuality and independence and character. Like you cannot define who you are with out the other, nor can you tell any stories without mentioning your loves name. I apologize to my listeners; I am finding it impossible not to talk about the drummer boy. I have been very good about not talking to my close friends about him(well that is not entirely true...sorry Dance) because I just dump my half hearted feelings onto the blog. Lovely Image
On a related note I found out today that people who survive Near Death Experiences usually become more enthused about experience knowledge and love on an more intense level.
Oh man I forgot to mention that I received my Death Midterm grade:B+
How does this happen? Honestly I am upset, I didn't deserve the grade since I basically crammed the day before. On girl next to me almost started crying when she was given the blue book marked B-. And here I am taking the class pass no pass regurgitating Sci Fi as philosophy. Aweee brilliant.