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A Letter About Marriage From My Dad

And not a lukewarm relationship- people who don’t know them often ask if they are newlyweds due to the way that act towards each other

My mom and dad dancing at my wedding.

To my Favorite,

People always ask your Mom and I what is our secret to such a strong, loving marriage when they watch the way we love and interact with each other, and then find out later that we have been married for over 40 years. People are mistaken when they think you stop falling in love when you grow old – you grow old when you stop falling in love with each other. The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up. What we love and how we love directs our decisions – we don’t develop by accident.Mom and I both work hard at our relationship to make it what it is, and this year I thought I would share some of my thoughts with you on what I see are the key points to our successful marriage. First of all, I want to say that I am so proud of you for the loving woman you have developed into. You are such a wonderful mother and devoted wife. I know you do most of the things I have listed here, but I feel it is always good to step back and look at the big picture now and then to keep that focus. You have been married a relatively short time compared to your Mom and I, and if you keep working hard on your relationship with you husband, I cannot begin to describe to you the joy you will experience as your relationship builds over the years.I know this for a fact, because this is what your Mom and I have. This is what God promises you for a marriage if you listen to what he has to say and obey Him. God has given me theses word to share with you. What I will be sharing with you are principles from the Bible that I have learned over the years. I am writing to you, but this is to both you and your husband.

First and foremost – Always Keep God First: He holds everything together (marriage, family, business, etc) — if you let him. A Bible that is falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn’t.

Never confuse your career with your life. Making a living is not making a life. Don’t get caught up in today’s world thinking where who we are seems less important than what people think we are

Always remember that a great marriage is not 50/50 – it is each person wanting to give 100 all of the time

Create passion for life, and for one another

Whenever you’re wrong – Admit it

Whenever you’re right – Keep quiet

Forgive – unconditionally

Before starting an argument, consider if it is really worth it

Frame every so-called disaster with these words – “In 5 years, will this matter?”.

Stay committed – the Ten Commandments are not multiple choice. Years of obedience cannot purchase one hour of disobedience.

Respect each other

Always make time for the two of you. Remember that the time you two enjoy wasting together is not wasted.

If you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage.

Compliment more that you criticize, and when you do need to criticize, be sure it is constructive

Always ask yourself in all situations “If my partner had only two days to live, how would I be treating him”. Treat him like that every day for the rest of your life, and you will have best marriage ever.

We come to great love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or did not do.

Remember that God has no grandchildren, only children. You two have got to do your own growing – no matter how tall your parents were! In watching marriages through out my life time, I have learned that everybody wants a great marriage, but in most cases they miss the point that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken and the form used to reach that goal. Smooth seas don’t make skillful sailors. Enjoy your Journey!All my love,Daddy

I have tears, that is so amazing. I have admired your parents’ love for each other for as long as I can remember, they put love and romance into every action and I have always aspired to do that too. I am going to print this to remind myself of these awesome tips from my awesome uncle.

Does he send you Valentine cards/letters each year? This sounds like something I would love to do for my boys once they’re grown and moved out. What a sweet, wonderful gesture. Loved the advice. I’m copying and pasting. 🙂

Wow, thanks for sharing that, that was beautiful! It definitely makes me think twice about my marriage and how someday I pray to be celebrating a 40 year anniversary with my own husband 🙂
Fantastic post!

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing that. I’m sure coming from a loving family like that had to help mold you into the woman/wife/mom you are today. You are very fortunate to have that kind of love to emulate in your own marriage. Amazing! Your parents are lucky to have one another!

I made myself click on this post. Normally, I avoid things that sound contrary to what I’ve experienced. Too painful, a lot of times. But you know what struck me – after looking at such gorgeous photos of you and your dad and reading his Valentie’s Day message to you and your husband? And, I have to preface this by saying that I went into reading it thinking… I bet this will make me tear up and cry. My dad never really acknowledges me. But instead, I felt in my spirit and soul, this – just how much Jamie’s dad loves her (and anyone can tell that he loves her a lot), our Father in Heaven loves us that much and so much more. I guess I’m getting healed.

So isn’t it funny how roundabout things can come to you? Had I not stopped by, who knows how long it would’ve taken for me to realize hearing about what other people have with their parents doesn’t really hurt so much anymore, So tell your dad I said thanks. I heard the Christ in his V-Day message to you. The beauty of God is the beauty of you two, to me. We just never know how He’s gonna use us!

A beautiful post by a beautiful woman, loved by her beautiful dad who loves our beautiful God. It just doesn’t get any better than that. Thanks Jamie!

I still don’t understand why life has to be so unfair. We don’t get to pick where are born or who are parents are. It upsets me greatly to hear that someone has such an opposite experience with their father, if you even to use that word.

The only thing that gets me through is knowing we have a Father in heaven that loves us more than anyone could on earth. Even my father’s love is looked at as hate compared to his love for us. And even when we have a great support system on earth there will come a time when we realize it isn’t enough. Jesus is all you need, hold tight to him.

PS I just went over to your blog and it is gorgeous. We need to talk food. Do you ever come to Los Angeles?

This brought tears to my eyes. I hope you realize how very lucky you are. My parents did not have a happy marriage and stayed together because it was expected – divorce was not an option given their religion and upbringing. I grew up very aware of this and can not imagine how I might be different if I had the same foundation at home as you. The marriage your father speaks of is one I strive for. Thank-you so much for sharing this.

All all the blessings I can bestow upon my children, being an example of Jesus both in my life, and in my marriage is my number one goal. I want to give them something to strive towards, not settle for. Your parents seem like amazing people…it explains why you seem to be so great!

Hey Courtney! Thank you so much. I agree, being an example of Jesus in both my personal life and marriage is the best thing I can do for my kids (although I will surely fall very short). your kids are so blessed to have you.

This is beautiful! 🙂
I really hope my husband can write such beautiful words to our gorgeous daughters. But most of all I hope that we can model a loving and God – centered relationship to our girls just as your dear parents have done for you! xx So glad that TIME magazine cover brought me to your blog! 🙂 x

What a great letter. Since I have been working with Terry, I have been trying to keep up with your posts and have become quite a fan. However, this post has to be one of my favorites. I believe in strong marriages and fully believe that being Biblically-based is the answer. What a blessing this letter has to have been for you. I think there are tons of people today that will not ever receive even once piece of correspondence such as this from a parent. Thank you for sharing!

Hey James! I am so excited to know your name, and even more excited to get to know you as a person! We keep referring to you when doing a headcount for Ethiopia as “Terry’s assistant” – you seemed to have an air of mystery surrounding you! 🙂 We are so excited for this trip and even more excited to get to know you!

okay, im crying as i finished reading this letter from your dad, and i wished that i had a dad like YOURS! So precious. I wonder if my husband could be brave enough to write a letter like this to his girls ( 1x my 6mth old poppet and 1x his 16yr old daughter) in years to come… such a precious letter with such wise words…. i will cherish having read this and it wasnt even addressed to me! xx

Wow, it makes me so sad to read some of these comments from people who didn’t have a dad like mine. I am so sorry. I am so thankful it is comforting to you, though. It sounds like your husband is giving your children the same kind of father I had as a child. I love that someone mentioned who grew up without a father this kind of love (like in my dad’s letter) and fathering/nurturing is truly how God feels about us, and he will never abandon us.

I’ve been with my husband going on 21 years now. Married 16 years and these words your dad speaks are so very true. This is a beautiful letter and a sincere reminder for me as well. Thank you so much for sharing your father’s beautiful words of wisdom!

Amazing! Truly blessed to have a father with those wise words, mindset and advice. Must be why he has such an amazing daughter too :-). Prayers for The Lord to bless all marriages, specially the ones trying so hard!

This is beautiful! My own parents have been married for 35 years, but they don’t seem to still have that “fire” for each other. Sometimes it seems like they’re just roomates and that after 35 years together it’s just too comfortable and mundane. It’s great to hear the perspective of someone whose marriage still has spark after 40 years. Anybody who has that kind of marriage is someone you listen to when they’ve got relationship advice.