GLEANED – Rolls Royce Ratter

We’re not normally that excited about Rolls Royce’s. They are generally driven by the retired elderly at an annoyingly slow pace. Often, they reek of impending death.

When this one passed through our inbox though, it piqued our interest. We bar up hard for un-restored survivors of anything really, and while the 1977-build date isn’t exactly vintage, the Silver Shadow pretty much look the same as it did at release in 1965, so who cares?

Throw some juice down the carby, then kick it in the GUTS – eBay

Obviously this is going to be bought by someone who will respray it and give it the tender loving care that a car as bespoke as a Rolls Royce deserves….

But we say FUCK that.

What this car needs is only the barest minimum to get it roadworthy and running. With 46,500 genuine miles and a recent rebuild on the trans, fingers crossed the drive line is sorted. While the seller mentions the interior needs work, the photos show it to be better than many un-restored cars; it’s been cared for.

Needs work…’ – not as much as Thom Yorke’s face, but yeah – eBay

So, our solution would be to buy this as cheaply as possible, slam it hard to the weeds, rub all the paint down to a satin bronze, install a chimpanzee* as a chauffeur, then get him to drive you all around town while you sit in the back doing lines of blue-coloured gack of a black hooker’s arse.

*where a chimpanzee is unavailable, a dwarf would suffice.

Drive your own goddam car; I’m busy.

Bidding is currently at AU$4,250 with the unknown reserve not yet met, but surely anything under about $7k is going to be the bargainrific, and that leaves you plenty of coin left to get a big-arse furry coat and some custom plates.

PIMPRAT; that’s them right there.

Guy could have rolled (uh, get it?) it out of the shed for the photos, but whatever.