Here are some tell tale signs of people who constantly live in the past, consumed with self-pity and stuck in a rut. These people never take responsibility for their mistakes, always looking to gain sympathy from others and are just down right negative! Be careful they don’t suck the living life force out of you!

YOU FIND IT HARD TO LAUGH AT LIFE AND AT YOURSELF.

Taking yourself too seriously, and finding it difficult to laugh at your predicaments and defeats is a tell-tale sign of self-pity. Beware.

YOU TEND TO CRAVE FOR DRAMA.

In truth, you’re a little bit of a Drama Queen and tend to have a melodramatic streak to you. Usually this stems from extremist types of thinking (e.g. black-and-white, all-or-nothing mindsets).

YOU TEND TO CRAVE FOR SYMPATHY.

Self-pity is so addictive because it gives us the momentary pleasure of being supported, cared for and emotionally pampered. This is a dangerous, highly manipulative way of developing emotional bonds and connections with other people.

YOU TEND TO BE AN INDIVIDUALIST.

Self-pity is one of the most effective ways of keeping yourself separate and independent from the friends, family and people around you.

YOU TEND TO BE A PAST-ORIENTATED PERSON.

Some people live in the present, others in the future, and still others in the past. Self-pity is inextricably linked to past-focused mindsets that dwell on past events.

YOU HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

People with low self-esteem tend to crave the acceptance and affection of other people as a way of feeling better about themselves. The mask of self-pity that constantly promotes its tragic-life-story campaign is an excellent way of collecting flocks of unsuspecting supporters.

DEEP DOWN, YOU DON’T BELIEVE YOU’RE WORTHY OF LOVE.

This stems from low self-esteem and creates a cycle of self-destructive behaviour. Self-pity is one of the greatest tools for the self-destructive person. It creates self-fulfilling prophecies, and alienates all the people you love and admire from you.

YOU HAVE AN UNHEALTHY HABIT OF BEING SELF-ABSORBED.

Quite simply, the more self-absorbed you are, the more likely you are to fall into the trap of self-pity.

YOU HAVE A STRONG FIGHTING INSTINCT.

This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what you choose to use it for. When used in a negative sense, the fighting instinct is used to battle against life, to fight against the tide, and to fight against accepting reality.

YOU SUBCONSCIOUSLY FEEL GUILTY.

Often times self-pity is an unconscious way of avoiding taking responsibility for personal actions or decisions made in the past. When we find it too difficult to accept the wrong that we’ve committed, sometimes we tend to hide from it by making ourselves the victims, rather than other people. In this case, self-pity is the perfect cowardly self-defense mechanism.

It is bad enough when a stranger or foe betrays you, but when it is someone you believed to be a close and trusted friend, partner, or spouse, a child it is especially hurtful. It might feel like you were taken advantage of, deceived, humiliated, despised, cheated, or stabbed in the back. Oftentimes it comes as a surprise.

That is why it is so painful. You would not expect to be hurt so badly from someone you thought you could trust. So you are left in disbelief and unbelievable pain.Anyone who has experienced betrayal in a relationship knows how difficult it is to recover from such an experience. The person you thought you could trust and count on is no longer the person you believed them to be. So you wonder what happened.

Were you just wrong about them all along or did something change? Maybe your relationship changed and so did their loyalty to you. Maybe something in either or both of your lives has changed and they became insensitive to you. Or, maybe you both grew apart and in different directions.There are many reasons that cause people to betray one another. Sometimes they are very deliberate and intended to hurt the other person. And sometimes they are consequences of choices that are made with no intention of doing any harm to anyone. Looking out for one’s own best interests can cause some people to disregard relationships they once valued.

They may feel the relationship is in the way or not as important anymore. Feelings change. And as feelings change so do one’s actions and choices. An individual that feels their needs are not being met in a relationship might feel that the relationship is no longer important or worth investing in.

Therefore, they might seek to get their needs met elsewhere. This changes the relationship. Eventually, it grows apart and opportunities for betrayal emerge.Betrayal is a destructive force that leaves many ruins in its path. Betrayal changes everything. Relationships and all those affected will never be the same again. The damage done can be irreparable. Trust is lost. Wounds run deep. Anger persists. Hearts are broken. Self-protective walls are erected. Pain is long and lasting. And we wonder…. Can trust ever be restored? Do wounds ever heal? Will anger cease to exist? Can hearts be repaired? Will the self-protective walls ever come down? Does the pain ever go away?Not only does betrayal change relationships, it changes individuals. Something happens inside of them. They might find it difficult to ever trust again. They might be more guarded and protective of themselves for fear of being vulnerable again.

They might learn to be more discerning and less naïve. Their expectations of others may change. They may reflect on their own role and responsibility in the relationship and what went wrong. They might try to understand, empathize, and forgive. They may be motivated to grow from the experience and learn more about themselves and others.The pain of betrayal is very real and has a significant impact on the lives of all those who have experienced it. It is one of those painful life experiences that have the power to change people’s hearts and lives forever.

If you have ever been betrayed, you cannot change what has happened to you or make the pain go away. You need time to grieve and feel angry. You need time to be comforted and encouraged. You also need time to restore your faith in yourself and others. Betrayal hurts and there is no fast and easy way to heal from its effects.

It takes more than time. It takes a heart that will not harden. It takes a commitment to believe in others again. Relationships do change as a result of betrayal; but ultimately, how it changes you is what matters most.

Rising above is to see clearly, from a detached perspective. It is to see past the illusion of everyday life and recognize the soap opera for the self-created script that it is.

Rising above means you understand that the time has come to remove yourself from the illusion. To pull away and move forward…never looking back.Rising above means not feeling regret, resentment, or anger. These are the very things that keep you tied to the illusion.Rising above means taking responsibility for your life. Not blaming your current problems on others. If you allowed yourself to stay in the situation, then you allowed yourself to experience the outcome.When you feel like a victim, you need to recognize that you allowed the situation to manifest. That is strength. That is self-empowerment. That is awareness.It takes courage and faith to see a situation for what it is, not as you wish it to be. Your physical eyes can deceive and your world is built on that illusion if you allow it.It takes a strong person to fade away from circumstances, situations and relationships that once held value, but have become a test of endurance and inner strength.To rise above is to acknowledge and respect yourself and not remain trapped in an endless cycle of unhealthy habits.Strong individuals recognize situations that are no longer healthy. They understand the value of the lesson and they know how to apply it accordingly.In the end, you will emerge as a butterfly. Ready to test your wet wings on a new illusion of reality. One that brings you ever so closer to who you truly are.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved,straight, flat road to nowhere.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it!

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement, nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” ~ Helen Keller

Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do, but you can change your mind about that barrier. You can go as far as your mind lets you.

Be aware of what you are thinking now and support yourself with a more optimistic vision of the future. When you believe that vision is possible, you stand a good chance of achieving it. Turn your face towards the sun and the shadows fall behind you. As Daisaku Ikeda said, “Hope transforms pessimism into optimism. Hope changes everything.”

Death is the most fierce and deeply penetrating spiritual teacher that we can have. It will not let our ego escape alive. Death will always be waiting around the next corner, ready to wipe your entire life clean. Death will remove all material possessions from you, all wounds, all people, all your financial problems and future plans. It is guaranteed that one day, everything will be removed from your grasp.No matter how safe we think we are, this hard truth will remain, perhaps because it has the most profound purpose for our spiritual growth. Death forces us to remain awake. We must always appreciate this human life we are given. We have to find reverence, otherwise we suffer.Knowing how very fragile this life is, we become kind to everything that is alive. By remembering our mortality, we are not so quick to getting angry at our loved ones, nor become distant, judgmental or critical with them. We tend to forgive everyone who has wronged us more quickly, and return to loving the real heart and soul connection that we do have.With the awareness that death is approaching, we become more gentle on ourselves, instantly dropping any hard heavy energy that we may be carrying. We tend to deal with any leftover skeletons hiding in our closet and embrace those things we are avoiding.

We remember that we came here to heal ourselves, and so we stop protecting our hearts from opening up to others. We become radically honest with ourselves and others, because we just never know when it’s our turn to go.I invite you to do something truly radical this week. Share with those who are still with you today, how you honestly feel. It may be challenging, yet tell them what is going on inside you, reveal everything and clear off your emotional plate.

Be free to say anything you cannot speak about or say. You just don’t know when you or your best friend’s amily member or child will die…do you?Let them know how much you actually love them. Rise above any social games you are playing. Stop being afraid of being ridiculed or getting rejected. Take the risk to celebrate your lives, and enjoy your short precious time here together. You truly don’t know when it is going to come to a quick end.“Man has lost one quality, the quality of zestfulness. And without zest, what is life? Just waiting for death? It can’t be anything else. Only with zest do you live; otherwise you vegetate.” ~OshoThere’s only one thing you can do to transcend death, embrace it. With welcoming it fully, you will eventually find your way to real inner peace. This acceptance does not mean to start taking more apathetic actions in your life. This is about finding more reverence in everything.

Everything is sacred. When you discover this tremendous appreciation for the simple things, like this breath that is still flowing through your lungs, you’ll see the fear of living and dying quickly dissolves. If we can fully embrace death, we can totally live life.When you have a deep reverence for life, you naturally take advantage of every moment to feel that you are alive. You finally arrive into this precious now moment of your life, where all the puzzle pieces fit in, and everything comes to perfection. You can truly rest here, it is the only place. You can let go of it all and fall into resonance with your true spiritual nature.Take this moment to feel into this spiritual essence inside your body. Feel that energy that will remain when your body is gone. Can you feel this eternal energy? The infinite self is here, and if can find it, and reconnect to it all day, you’ll soon realize that heaven is already here now. The spiritual effervescence will expand in you, and send bubbles of light filled joy into your heart. Open your life to these bubbles and you will wonder why you were pretending to be so worried, fearful and concerned about everything in your life.

Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the ‘rhythm of life’, don’t struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change – be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

In everything, goodness is there, our goal is to find it. In every person, the best is there, our job is to recognize it. In every situation, the positive is there, our opportunity is to see it. In every problem, the solution is there, our responsibility is to provide it. In every setback, the success is there, our adventure is to discover it. In every crisis, the reason is there, our challenge is to understand it. By seeing the goodness, we’ll be very enthusiastic and our lives will be richer!!

Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons are specific to you, and learning them is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life!