Only a few get me, but they are actually only scratching the surface, how comes? Because I am too shattered within. When I try to speak I find that I am not sure at all how to put it into words, it does not come out the way my mind/heart actually wants it to. It has now been like this for so long that I think it has gotten worse. It is like there are two of me and I can barely control and combine them together. It is split. I feel that it is so similar but yet so different at the same time

I write to process the thinking, to understand and I have come to realize this is part of my characteristic it’s the way I have been created. To write is somewhat easier than to speak.

I can’t really explain… Staring into space hoping to find the right words or answers…but never really do.

When I lost you was when I lost the ability to live without darkness, to breathe with ease, there is now forever a part in my heart that howls into the dark empty hollowness within that which tries to continue pumping blood through an almost empty outer human shell. The events with you provided the catalyst that would ultimately cause spirals, but the closing thought for this post is as follows:

“One Day” these two words have now been greatly associated with the novel(by David Nicholls) and subsequently the adaptation into the film.

This post is not actually based heavily on the novel/film. But more on the concepts that were raised.

In the novel/film, it follows the life of two young adults who had a passionate night during their final year of uni and stayed in touch. But their paths divert in different directions. We are taken on many life journeys whereby we revisit them every year on 15th July for 20 years. We get shown how they develop into adults, the up’s and down of life, love, fate, friendship, career, ambition, family, the often cruel reality of life many strong topics…

In life we also think of “one day” in terms of hope and chance:

one day

-things will get better…

-I will find….

-this will happen…

-I will find time to do…

Yet we forget that “one day” may not come.

One thing, one encounter, one person, one mistake, one action can change everything, could change your whole life.

Through the film we see the two main characters live their life. But it’s like fate and destiny alway’s knew that they ought to be together, but eventually apart. In life we wonder if there is only one person for us. Or if one day everything will get better, or make sense. But the thing is what if written in the stars, it’s already set in stone? That one day may come or it may not.

The truth is “one day” is so vague, so distant that it lack’s “realness”

From looking into the relationship in “one day” we see things that they did not see at the time. That’s why sometimes it is said the outsider’s view is clearer. You see that they were always supposed to be together, yet they could not see that themselves. Which is why I suggest from time to time, take a step back and look into your own life, be a stranger looking into your own life. Ask yourself:

“does this seem right?”

“is this the right way?”

“if I only had one more day would I be doing this?”

Trust me you will be amazed at how the different perceptive can be refreshing.

As the curtains are drawn to a close, emotions fly high. Memories flash before the eyes. Feelings pour out. A sense of sorrow, passion, love, creativity, happiness, sadness – a bucket full of emotions all stirred into one. Creating a confusion of emotions.

Parts of you looses control, but the other part gains control. As you watch it slowly close.

Reality hits, there is some things that are just not real, a world where things cannot bind, they are just a drama, a fantasy, a dream, a hope, basically just another story.You know that in real life this is unlikely to occur.

They say goodbyes are the hardest, but sometimes ain’t that just the beginning? As when you say goodbye you are left with something else, the past, the present and the future road.

I rather be a closed book, than a open book.

At the beginning of the story this did seem to be more interesting, providing greater mystery.

However as the story developed, keeping a lot within became harder. It developed into a problematic issue.

For me:

Typing seems much easier than saying.

and it’s much easier to feel than to express.

“If I don’t wirte to empty my mind, I go mad” – Lord Byron.

Wrong or right? Who knows?

But then the the feeling grew too great and so did the pain it accumulated and got so much that I could barely feel alive.

And then the pain within became so much that I just wanted the pain from outside to be greater than that of within so that I could not feel the pain from within anymore, and so everything became so numbing.

The only way to feel anything was to go out and stand in the cold…Brutally cold, but refreshing and necessary.

The birds were singing, the light was bright, everything around seemed so clear yet I felt so blank. The only thing I felt, was that I wish I could close the book forever………..

Life can at time’s seems like a book, because the further you get into it, the more details emerge and the more things can come together and seemingly make more sense. Life has many chapters for us. Yet life is not exactly like a book, you cannot rip memories, pains, people, experiences out like they are just pages. Because once parts of life is written down, it’s there forever. It becomes your past and your present whether you like it or not, there is no eraser or tipex. You just have to continue living/writing/typing onwards till the book finally closes, but you will not know the ending till the very end. You cannot start on the next chapter in life if you are still on the previous page or chapters. Observe and act on those pages then leave them behind. Remembering that one or two bad chapters doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the story. And you know you have to keep going, keep writing, keep typing, keep living to find out what will happen next……………………………………………………………………………….

Your life, is your own book, you are the author, write it the way you want, reveal it if you want, keep it closed if you want. It’s down to you………………………………………………………………………….

My personal review on the Movie and I would personally give it an 4.7 out of 5 Stars – A must watch movie.

Characters Analyzed:

Natalie Portman as Nina Sayers: Natalie had taken on a daring role that is quite different from those that she had played in the past just like Nina in the film(white and black swan). Natalie trained a lot to take on this role as she practiced ballet for a year or so and lost lots of weight for the role. She portrays the role Nina with great accuracy, elegance and depth. She manages to effortlessly merge together Nina’s hallucinations with the reality. Showing us many dimensions to Nina, the transformation from the childlike, vulnerable yet perfectionist ballet dancing (white swan) to a confronting, dark and aggressive black swan.

Vincent Cassel as Thomas Leroythe ballet director who is willing to do anything to make his play work. Even at the cost of pushing people over the edge. We see him ruthless abandoning Beth as she is seen as being “too old” for the part of Swan Queen, even after her accident he shows no sympathy whatsoever. It is not obvious but Thomas could be seen as a villain due to his hunger for perfection for his work: he uses people. First Beth then Nina. He created and saw exactly what happened to Beth yet he could see Nina going down the same road yet he could not care less. Vincent Cassel portrays this role really well as whilst watching the film you don’t think too much about his actions however after when you think back on it, you see how evil he actually is, he could be seen as the catalyst for everything.

Mila Kunis as Lily was loosely speaking the complete contrast of Nina. Hence why Thomas had suggested she was perfect as the black swan. She was seen as being someone who breaks rules, has lots of fun and is free, hence her ballet had more passion. This is what Nina craved for and so desperately wanted for herself this is why she often has hallucination of Lily. Mila played this role perfectly, making it very believable.

Barbara Hershey as Erica Sayers the overly controlling mother, who was also a ballet dancer but who gave it up to have Nina. We can clearly see that she wants to see Nina as always being “her little girl” from: the cake moment, cutting of nail, constantly talking her daughter down, not letting her talk to Lily, clothes taking off, tucking Nina into bed. She had created so many tight boundaries that this could also have been a factor that lead to Nina wanting to break free and rebel.

Winona Ryder as Beth MacIntyre the previous Swan Queen but who was cast aside. There is a chilling truth in this linked to reality as once upon a time Winona Ryder was one of the top hollywood actresses but this has been seen as disappearing over the year just like her character in this movie, the irony is present. But we are remained of why Winona Ryder is still a great actress, even though she is only in the film for short periods of time but she plays these moments with great execution, leaving us feeling her pain but also seeing the “very dark” side in her.

All the supporting casts in this movie adds to the success of the perfection of the scenes and hence movie.

Movie and Plot:

The movie is a psychological thriller however at times for me it merges into a horror movie. In that it leaves you shocked, squirming, and covering your face due to the gruesome-ness of some scenes. To name a few that left me shrieking like a little girl(which I hardly do in movies):

– When Nina’s mother cuts her nails.

– Beth stabs herself repeatedly.

-When Nina slams the door in her mum’s hands

-When Nina peels off her skin, and when her legs “breaks” into a swan like.

These scenes were made even more thrilling by the perfect use of music and camera works.

The Plot is in effect about Nina who gets the dream role of playing the Swan Queen, which requires the portrayal of the white swan and the black swan.

Nina can play the white swan with ease yet the issue is the black swan because she is seen as being too innocent, too in control and not dark enough for it. On the other hand another ballerina, Lily is perfect for the black swan. The ballet director observes both of these, but see’s that Nina has the potential within herself to release the black swan therefore he uses various tactics to push this out of Nina.

The demands of her role, the director, societies’ view of being the queen swan but above all her hunger for perfection forces Nina into a darker world which spirals out of control as quick as the way she entered into it, creating a alter persona(much darker and evil her) where reality, obsession, hallucination, fantasy merges together………………………

The beauty of this movie is that it manages to effortlessly transport the audience through a whole range of intense emotional rollercoaster and dimension, it is artistic and exciting, leaving you at the edge of your seat at times and guessing every turn and corner.

This film is extraordinary, its beautifully written, directored and acted out , after you watch it you understand why and how it has received such great attention, reviews and awards.

–Thomas Leroy: [scoffs] Perfection is not just about control. It’s also about letting go. Surprise yourself so you can surprise the audience. Transcendence! Very few have it in them.

-Thomas Leroy: We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince, but before he can declare his love her lustful twin, the black swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated the white swan leaps of a cliff killing herself and, in death, finds freedom.

-Nina: What happened?Thomas Leroy: She walked into the street and got hit by a car. And you know what? I’m almost sure she did it on purpose.Nina: How do you know?

– Thomas Leroy: Because everything Beth does comes from within. From some dark impulse. I guess that’s what makes her so thrilling to watch. So dangerous. Even perfect at times, but also so damn destructive.

– Erica: Do you have any idea what time it is?Nina: Uhh, late?Erica: Where have you been?Nina: To the moon!Lily: And back.Erica: You’ve been drinking.Nina: Ding ding ding ding!

– Nina: You put something in my drink.Lily: Yeah.Nina: And then you just took off in the morning?Lily: In the morning?Nina: Yeah, you slept over.Lily: Um, no. Unless your name is Tom and you got a dick.Nina: But we.Lily: But we what, Nina? [pauses]Lily: Wait, did you have some sort of lezzy wet dream about me?Nina: [whispers] Stop it.Lily: Oh my God? Oh my God! You did! You fantasized about me!Nina: Shut up!Lily: [gasps] Was I good?

-We begin to see the “transformation” when Nina goes down the path where she is dressed in white and she see’s herself walking pass her dressed in black. This is when she starts to move towards the darker side, towards the black swan.

– Her room symbolizes the innocence and childlike her with all the teddies and pink. It also shows how her mum controls her through the music ballerina played at night, the removal of the door handle. Nina’s action when she dumps the soft toys down the rubbish shoot and when she grabs the door handle shows her rebelling and “growing up”

– The tattoo on the back of Lily symbolize how she is the black swan.

-The use of mirrors symbolize the different reflections of Nina from good to bad, light to darkness, good to evil.

– The scene near the end when Nina is fighting with the inner dark her (Black Swan) shows the struggle she has been going through, the moment where she “kills/stabs” her symbolizes the completion into the transformation to the Black Swan, also the foreseeable fall of both as she looses control and the Black swan has consumed and destroyed her.

– The ending when she “jumps” symbolizes freedom of the “swan” but also for Nina.

This film has so many levels, so many depth, meaning, portrayal,

The movie also underlines the truth of the cost of fame, and what people do to reach the top in the entertainment industry, revealing the lethal force of perfection, ambition, success and dreams, whereby people are willing to scarifies themselves for it.

To be great: you have to be able to think, go in and out of different worlds, enter into different levels. Transport yourself and others into different hemisphere. You can clearly see this in this case: this movie(how it grips and release the audience before(reviews of the films, before u have even watch it) and then after(left reeling, thinking about it)

Great singers, artistic, people have been able to affect you deeply because they are able to help you escape through their work.

This can become destructive, destroying and dangerous (why many great people die young, when they entered and cannot escape from the inner world when they enter into another level and result in getting consumed and totally absorbed by it. That in the end, all that is left is complete sacrifice and death: Marilyn Manroe, Elvis, Bruce Lee, Sylvia Plath, Sid Vicious, Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson, Alexander McQueen, (Young stars: River Phoenix, James Dean, Kurt Cobain…). In many cases, they want to escape from it and the most popular way they can do so, is through drugs resulting in the tragic end to greatest.

Conclusion: just like the ending of the movie when Nina says “perfect” so is the movie it is simply stunning and breathtaking, it completely blew me away with it’s realness, quality and graceful acting performances from all the casts. This movie will definitively leave a lasting and memorable experience to all those that watch it.

The word acceptance may just seem like any other word, but it is quite powerful. We as humans have been conditioned from an early age to want to seek acceptance. From parents, to friends, to teachers, to peers, work colleagues, society….

But acceptance at times is largely based on the “norms” of society. Yet this is usually just defined as what is seen to be “right” by the majority.

There have been numerous times when individuals or minorities have been unaccepted by society; from the top of my head I can think of a few: from

Jesus

Galileo Galilei [[15 February 1564– 8 January 1642]]

Isaac Newton [[4 January 1643 – 31 March 1727]]

J. M. W. Turner [[23 April 1775–19 December 1851]]

Jane Austen [[16 December 1775 – 18 July 1817]]

Charles Darwin [[12 February 1809 – 19 April 1882]]

Oscar Wilde [[16 October 1854 – 30 November 1900]]

The list goes on and on…………

They all became an outcast to society because of what they believed in or their work was not seen as “accepted” in society at that time yet years after it was all seen as amazing work, and centuries later they are still remembered.

“Only those who attempt the absurd..will achieve the impossible” – M.C. Escher

Great people who were not recognized and accepted during their time. It’s a tragedy. So the word acceptance can be quite weak.

It does seem like it’s a part of life to want to be accepted, but I guess first most, you have to accept yourself. This is the most vital issue. Even when those close to you, who are suppose to stand by you don’t accept you.Don’t let that get to you.

It’s not what everyone thinks about you, it’s what you think about yourself. So remember to continue to believe in yourself. To believe that God made everyone unique for a reason. “God sees you when you feel like you don’t know which direction to go. Be encouraged, because he has all the direction you will ever need.” – Joel Osteen

God accepts us as we are, so have faith. Be proud of what God has blessed us with.