one year ago today

my best friend killed herself. I have been dreading this day and the saddness i was expecting has come full on. I have lit a candle in her honor and plan on going down to the river and let go of some balloons also.

Jeannie was my best friend. She also dealt with depression but hadnt attempted suicide in a number of years. One year ago today she was supposed to pick me up at 11 am for lunch and she had told me once along time ago "if im late dont worry..only worry if you dont hear from me or i dont show up". Last year she didnt show up. I drove to her house where her car was in the parking structure...went upstairs and knocked. No anwser. I used the key I had to enter her house and thats where i found her dead on the couch. Next to her on a post-it pad was one line in which she wrote "i want to die". She got what she wanted.

I feel like a hypocrite becasue I still have suicidal urges and have attempted it twice since her death...knowing the pain it will cause others if i go thru with it myself. Today is a tough one for me today.

I'm sorry that happened and today must be very difficult for you. try to remember the good things hun - the times you both laughed and the fun things you did together. i know you will have sad thoughts :hug: but do try to think of the happy ones too and have a little smile for those times :arms:

oh im so sorry to hear that...i cant even imagn the pain you are in...Im sure you can remmber the best/goodness of your friend...that where you can focus on....where your friend can relive again...in your heart...
jope you feel better soon
take care

This is a day to celebrate her life. I am so sorry you went through that, and it must hurt to think about it for a second, let alone a day. This may be a good transition period for you to further accept what happened and remember the joy she gave you.

Awww, Maria. =[ You know I'm always here for you. She's in a better place now away from all this pain, even if she didn't go the best way. I'll light a candle as well, for her later. I'll be here all day, and you can call me if i'm not online. I love you, and hope I can help keep your mind off things. Be safe today, and no that many people love you and care for you. I'm sorry for your loss. : :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Writing again, as I watch you on webcam. You can make it through today. You're very strong. I know you can do it. If you don't think you can, do it for Jeannie. I know she'd want you to stay alive and be happy.

you must be having such a hard time hun. i am so sorry you had to go through that.
your not a hypocrite you;ve been through a hell of alot, i'm honestly so proud of you for keep battling when so many would have given up long ago.
i'm here for you if there is anything i can do you just let me know. love ya to bits hun :hug:

I know there is nothing i can say anyone can say to take away your saddness and pain I am glad you are still here and know your friend would want you to be happy I hope your pain lessens in time but know anniversaries of death can be so hard. Make some time for just you today okay get out and do something that will take away or lessen the pain a bit. Can you find someone to spend some time with you today so you are not so alone take care.

i'm personally really proud of you for hangin on as i'm sure others are also. i know your loss. i lost my best friend also via suicide. it's not easy but in time it will become more bearable more managable. hang in there and keep talking to us. we're here to help
please take care

im sorry you are having such a bad day. my fiance was murdered 11 years ago in san francisco. i know how it is to lose someeone,,i know its hard to deal with i lost 4 ppl in the month of february. i wish i was with her in the after life but i am coming back here to this place we call earth. i dont post cos i dont want to trigger ppl, i hope you kknow im always here for you and always willing ot talk.
please dont follow her into the afterlife. we are supposed to met next summer. if nothing else remember that ill be in sonoma county for afew weeks sometime and want ot meet you in person/.
take care and stay safe jason :hug:

Anniversary of a death is the hardest you coming here was best thing you could do talking with your friends here. I know how hard it is and i am hoping tommorrow will be easier for you. This is a good time to release some pain crying let it out it does help