I too have a penis fixation. My eyes and my brain are drawn to the groins of men. I am ashamed to admit that my perp has been able to screw up my brain in this way. I am not attracted to men but I am attracted to their penis's.

Just for know I was at the age of seven or eight when it began and used by men. I am fixated on penises. I am always looking at men’s groins hope to see their penis budging thou their pants. I love going to public restrooms and try my best to see other means penis. I have looked at porn on the internet. And when I do I get turned on looking at the their penies. I get a funny feeling down there and play with myself. Love showing my penis and get others hard that see it. I just what to play with other penis it is such a turn on for me.

From 5-13, my stepfather shoved his in my face. At first it seemed huge and I felt tiny and insignificant. By age 12 I realized mine was bigger than his.

At 11, my classmates discovered I was sexually fully developed though my body was still as small and immature as theirs and I became the plaything of every guy in middle school, scouts and the Y who wanted to have a go at me. I was a novelty and a freak. They and I were equally amazed at the fact that I was so much bigger and more advanced than them. Difference was, they enjoyed it & I was ashamed and humiliated by it.

At 13, the school bully forced me to compare with him and proved to me that I was of average adult size while he was super-sized. Again I felt small and inadequate next to his super-human exhibition.

Quite a roller-coaster: little-big-little-big-little/average?

NO – I do not desire any physical contact or sexual activity or involvement with any other male. That is something that makes me feel sick to think about and is absolutely terrifying to me. But still I find myself uncontrollably checking out other guys to see where on the scale from small to average to big they and I fall. And much of my focus in online model photos is centered on the extreme ends of the scale and trying to find photographic matches for my memories and impressions of myself and the most indelible images in my mind.

Couldn't get free of the impulse for a long time - and it wreaked havoc with my self-image and relationships. Lots of conflict, confusion and mixed signals - left me paralyzed on the sidelines and isolated, hoping no one would discover my abnormality. better now

Lee

Edited by traveler (08/22/1309:41 AM)

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"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho

Society trains us to think we never measure up to other men and being a bused makes is worse. Finding acceptance with your body is hard after abuse but it can be done. PS even non abused straight guys look and compare.

It is normal, universal, omnipresent male behavior to be fixated on penises. There have been scientific studies using eye-tracking cameras that show men -regardless of sexual orientation or history - spend the most time looking at the crotches of other men (clothed or unclothed) and even of animals. Many features of the human penis are useless for reproduction and serve as a visual signaling device for other men - this was explored at length in "The Third Chimpanzee."

Goodness knows it's hard to find a professional straight porn movie that DOESN'T feature multiple closeups of erect penises on their own, uninvolved with a female body. Its not uncommon for professional straight porn to feature fairly long scenes focused entirely on guys masturbating as they look at something the camera isn't showing.

Guys are naturally curious about other guys and naturally want to compare with them and identify with them.

I have tried to see things from a detached perspective, considering side possibilities I had not considered before.

This may work for some people, may not work for others, but it's important for me to actually understand what my feelings are and why I'm doing certain things. I also need to know if the reason for feeling uncomfortable resides on not meeting society's expectations of me or some other reason.

I do have a fixation on groins, but at this point I'm trying to ask provocative questions such as: and so what? why am I doing this? would this make me abnormal? what would it mean to me? do other people experience it?

By submitting my thoughts and anxieties to some sort of 'rational emotive' analysis, I have had good results that have ultimately helped me calm down and feel so much better about myself.

I, too, have major fixation on penises, and fantasize about other guys and their girth/length, is he gay, or will he suck me or let me suck him? I remember telling my T that I remember holding my cousin's penis in my hand before he would coax me into licking or sucking him while he got erect. I was abused by him from the age of 5 to 13; he was the "golden boy" the chosen "good kid" babysitter. He tried to penetrate me but never could fully because he was so big; I remember how it felt, his trying and accompanied whispers to relax and let him in. He was a star football player, handsome, built, six-pack, and large penis. Our sessions usually entailed me stroking his package and scrotum, and tasting it while he told me how good it should taste to me. I remember being taken by how large he was, and the smell of him, that man smell that I know of now because I have that smell. It's crazy; I try not to stare at other guys, but I do all the time. I hesitate to make friends with guys and stay guarded because of it. At the gym I try not to look, but the energy is overwhelming. I want to see, I would to admire the ripped bodies around me and stroke the swinging penises I try to see. I'm married and love sex with my wife (It's damn good typically). I have no desire to live and build a life with a man, however, I fantasize about sex with other guys constantly, and how big their penises may be. I'm ashamed that this gets me off in the worst way, but the urge is so strong to have sex with these men that I worry that I will, and in it, destroy my life; my urges have grown drastically stronger over the years, and when I'm upset, or stressed, all I want to do is find a willing guy..... (Can't believe I just said all of that) (Angry, embarrassed, guilty, ashamed, depressed, and erect) but trying hard not to be... trying hard not to be caught in the shadows of my abuser and this abuse. Trying hard to be a husband, friend, brother, and father that I can be proud of.....Lots of the time, I feel like I'm going crazy; how could a straight guy be so fixated on sucking cock? To even say it, makes me want to scream inside, I want to crawl out of myself...3 months of therapy down....hopefully, not a lifetime to go.......

_________________________
"Because if you don't define yourself for yourself, you'll be crushed into other people's image of you, and eaten alive." (Audre Lorde)

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