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Monday, October 22, 2012

I need to get a few things out of my system. Please feel free to skip to the end of the whining.

*takes a deep breath*

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This has been a royally craptastic week. I don’t have a car because a tire fell off of my usual ride. That’s ok, happens all the time, right? Maybe I could’ve been seriously hurt or killed, but it happened when I was going 5 mph so I’m just peachy. Except for that part where I’m now stuck with a rental car until the foreseeable future. I don’t even know how bad the damage is. I try to be grateful that I’m not DEAD but all I can think about is how pointless the whole universe is. Those parts of my life where I can measure my accomplishments are all stalled out. This health condition drags me down; a person like me should have at least a few reasons to live another day, reasons beyond habit and instinct.

/end rant

Ignore the stuff above. I have something more important to talk about today. My blog is not *just* for venting when I need to vent. It’s for saying what needs to be said. If you happen to be reading this, this is not directed at you. This is an internal monologue that I have decided to preserve here.

Life’s not fair. You’ve heard that all your life. Well guess what? It’s bullshit. Life is brutally fair. You have what you have because you worked hard for it. You kept working when others quit, you kept looking for ways to improve yourself and reach your goals. Yet now, all of a sudden you’ve stopped fighting. Why? I’ll tell you why. You think life’s not fair, you think you’ve gotten lucky so far and you don’t want to push your luck. You’ve cashed out of life.

You can’t do that.

The other people on this planet - they all have their own reasons to keep struggling. But you don’t need their reasons. The universe has no patience with the weak, the lazy, or the slow. The universe is never going to reallocate your share to someone more deserving – what you don’t earn, no one gets. You are becoming wasted potential. The ONLY way to share the wealth is to earn your fair share and use it to help others do the same.

Get back in the fucking game.

/end internal monologue

I don’t have a lot to say to anyone right now. I’ve had some communication issues lately. I feel like I haven’t been told everything I need to know but I haven’t been asking questions because I don’t know what to ask. What is the right question here? Am I supposed to ask at all, or is the guessing part of the fun? So much for open honest feedback – life is never that simple.