The title tells it all. Because what expecting mother doesn't spend too much time thinking about the future, especially if it is their first baby. I think a lot about life, this little guy, and how things are going to change. So here are so of my thoughts unfiltered that I hope someday Little Marty (not his name, just a nickname) will get to read:

1. More often then not I try to imagine your cute little face. I wonder if you're going to be a full smiles little guy or if you're going to have a little smirk that looks like you're up to no good like your dad. I wonder if you'll have my dark blue eyes or your dad's light blue eyes. My crazy insane hair or your dad's perfect straight locks.

2. I think about how I'll handle being your mom. You deserve the best and I get nervous sometimes that I won't be able to give that to you know matter how badly I want to. Will you get all the love you deserve? The sleep and food you need? The best education? I think I have a million more questions flying through my brain.

3. I hope Blake and I can show you how much we love you. You aren't even born yet but I already have a love for you I didn't know was possible (shoot I'm tearing up just writing this #pregnancyhormones). Your dad lights up in a way I've never seen when he feels you move in my belly. We love you more than we know what to do with, but I worry sometimes I won't be the best at showing you that. I know your dad will, he has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. Just give me a chance and I'll love you the best I can.

4. I think about you as a toddler, kid, and teenager way too often. I hope that I will always be your best friend and cool mom even though I still have to be your parent. I imagine you as a little toddler and the adventures you and I will have while dad is at work or school. I hope you'll love being my sidekick as much as I'll love being yours. That you'll think I'm as funny as your dad, as cool as your friend's mom, or as loving as grandma.

5. I think about when I do have to start teaching you and molding you into a great young man. I hope that if or when I have to discipline you or guide you, that you'll know I do what I do because I love you, not because I like being right or in charge. I just want you to be the best you can be.

6. Be patient with me as I learn with you. Your siblings will have the advantage that I'll have done this whole parenting thing before with you, but you are the first and the guinea pig. We love you just as much as we will love your siblings, but with you, we are learning right along with you. Being exhausted is going to be new to me, taking care of another tiny human being is going to be new to me, and being responsible for someone else will be new to me. So be patient with me when I'm learning how to help you live your best life.

7. Finally, thank you for making me a mother. There was a time in my life I figured I'd eventually become a mother but I wasn't in a hurry. But that changed and for years it was all I wanted (after a wonderful husband of course). But I had to wait for a few extra years and it was hard. It was hard to see my friends have babies, and then see those babies grow into kids. I searched and searched for my purpose in life since it wasn't my time to become a mom yet. But then you happened, and I'll never forget the feeling I had when I found out you were coming into my life. I knew I loved you more than you'd ever know and I knew I'd found my purpose.

We love you, Little Marty. I look forward to the life we will have together to prove it.

If you know me you know I love a good sale. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I bought something full price. So I wanted to share the love with you today. Here are some of my favorite sales happening for President's Day:

We recently discovered a new park just a few minutes from our house. It was a pretty cold day but I was itching to get out of the apartment and go for a long much-needed walk and we ended up at Titlow Park. If you're in the South Sound area I'd highly recommend it.

There is a great playground if you have kids, along with some great shoreline to walk along and trails up in the woods to wander through. There is even a cement path that would be a great running path if you're into that kind of thing.

We don't get out into nature super often just because Blake is crazy busy with school this quarter so when we do it feels extra special. It seems like every little adventure now we end up talking about what it will be like to come back to that same park or place with Little Marty. And it makes me so incredibly happy. We can't wait to show him this great big world and all the fun things there are to do and see!

If you remember back at the beginning of this month I posted about how I decided I didn't want to set my new year's resolutions just yet. I wanted to take the month of January to really self-reflect on what I want for this year and where I want to grow and challenge myself.

I'm really proud of myself to say that I didn't totally bail on this, I actually spent time really thinking about where I'm at currently, what is on the books for this year and how I hope to change and grow throughout it. So here we go!

Word of the year:

Glorious - You're probably thinking, "WHAT?! How is that a word for the year?". It is a bit unconventional from the standard words you see floating around (all good words, just seen frequently). But as I was listening to "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman on my way to work (because who isn't listening to that on repeat?) and the line where that says, "I know that there's a place for us. For we are glorious", hit me really hard. No, I don't have a beard, I'm not what you'd call weird or out of place but this stood out to me for a different reason.

I'm pretty dang hard on myself. I had to quit my job early because of a rough 1st trimester, I sometimes spend my whole day in sweats, sometimes I sit and worry about what others think of me, and sometimes I eat a whole bag of flaming hot Cheetos in a week. And after each of those things, I'll beat myself up for not being my best, not looking cute enough, or not eating a salad instead. But glorious just hit me so hard. It is okay! It is okay that I sometimes miss the mark and am not perfect. Instead of beating myself up, I want to see myself as a glorious daughter of God (not in a cocky, 'holier than thou' way). As a girl who is just taking one day at a time to be better, no matter what others may or may not say!

So this year I'm going to choose to see myself as glorious, I'm going to live a glorious year, and I'm going to let myself be me and love me for just that. I'm going to let my Heavenly Father take me by the hand and help me grow and worry about what He thinks, and only He thinks. Because let's be honest, all those things we think people are thinking or saying about us probably aren't actually being said or thought. But even if they are, who cares. What matters is that I think I'm glorious and that even though sometimes I'm not at the top of my game, I'm still trying to grow and become better and that is all that matters. And shoot, I'm having a baby this year, if that isn't glorious I don't know what is!

Habits:

- TV Last: Sometimes it is a lot easier to just turn on the TV instead of picking up a book, exercising or getting some work done (I work from home now) etc. and I'm guilty of it more often than not. So my goal this year is before I reach for the remote to think to myself, "is there something else I could be doing that would be better for my day?". I started this and all though I'm still not perfect my days have been so much more full and productive!

- Journaling: I usually write in my journal once a week or even sadly once a month but this year I took the pressure off of writing a lot and have taken time to write 2-3 times a week. Long entry or short entry it doesn't matter, I'm just making sure to write something about my thoughts, day, life. I really want my kids and grandkids to have records of my life and so I better get better at this! My TV Last habit has really helped with this one!

- Serving: I tend to think of myself first and so lately (and the #LightTheWorld campaign that the LDS Church did in December really helped with this) I've been consciously thinking who/how can I serve this week/day/month.

- Moving: I'm in my third trimester and already ready to burn off this baby weight. But since I can't do that just yet I've made the goal to just move each day. Whether that means I just go for a walk, do squats while I'm watching a show, stretch while reading or many other things I'm just making sure I'm moving. And obviously, my moving will get a little more exciting once April rolls around :).

I've always been horrible at keeping my new year's resolutions but by spending the month of January really pondering how I want to change and be better I can already feel these habits and my word sticking. I've never been more excited to see how my year looks come December 31, 2018!

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