The Chronicle of a Reformed Feminist Killjoy

Intimacy is for lovers, not people who fuck.

This morning I called one of my exes. The reason for the call is irrelevant to this post.

As we were talking, he says to me, “You have an amazing ability to shatter people. You make them feel like a million dollars and then the next day they are nothing. There is no grey area with you.”

I think deep down I have always known this to be true, but I had never had anyone articulate it out loud to me before.

The signs are pretty obvious that I suffer from an inability to locate middle ground.

I only keep two, maybe three people, who I refer to as friends and I find that I do not have time for superfluous relationships with people. If I am going to be your friend, I am going to be a close one, otherwise what is the point? I have no problem going out by myself and I see no need for “accessory” friends, who are worn around like designer neon signs that flash, “I’m not alone!”

In terms of dating I get very frustrated. If I am just looking for sex, I do not want to wine and dine you or get to know you. I want to screw and screw.

Intimacy is for lovers, not people who fuck.

I get very aggravated with people who create grey area by not being consistent. For me, if you show interest and we get together and the next day you do not contact me, I will delete your number out of my phone and move on to the next.

I dislike wasting my time on the unnecessary.

This all sounds terribly pessimistic, but it is actually very liberating.When you stop worrying about acquiring people, and being well liked, you start to only surround yourself with those who know the real you.People you can be yourself with.

This is living a life uninhibited.

My challenge to myself and to everyone is:Fuck like you will never see that person again, no holding back.Only keep people around you who are worth your time.Act like you from the start, because why invest time in someone who will later hate you?Take yourself out to eat, ALONE.Learn to love solitude.Once you know that you can take care of yourself, people become pleasurable, like a vacation, rather than a necessity, like an oil change.

Let’s face it, who would prefer to sit at AutoZone for forty minutes getting their jalopy cleaned out, when they could be laying on a nude beach in France?