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If you are a regular reader of my blog, you already know my fighting battle with misogynistic men in and out of the church; you may have realized that a horrific church experience tried – and for a while there, in fact, did – silence my voice.

My empowered voice as a woman of faith.

My womanly abilities to describe God’s love like no one else; the ability that is truly authentic and unique to my voice was silenced, and in the process, dulled my spirit.

Men – with and without faith – dictating what God is (incorrectly), dictating what my limits are, dictating what my place is – not in something that is divine, but something that is truly man-made.

I’ve dealt with misogyny, bigotry, and overall softly masked hate under the misguided premise this is what “God wants” and in that premise my spirit was completely dull.

If my spirit was a pencil, it was at its nub, nearly inaccessible.

Underutilized.

Obsolete.

It took me a while, a long while actually, but through steadfast faith, prayer, and tapping into a brain that God blessed me with, I unleashed the fearlessness, he enshrined me with.

My womanhood wasn’t the true issue, it was their insecurity that was the true issue.

During my time at the previously unnamed church, I remember the kids that would just come up to me and want to talk.

I remember, divorced mothers that were encouraged when they saw me lead a praise and worship service — You see, I had this fearlessness … this bold faith all along, I just allowed it to be silenced not because I thought I was less than, but because I allowed a man who misused my God to silence me.

I remember praying over a lesbian couple, not for show, but because one of the beautiful ladies had opened up about suicide thoughts.

I had been transparent with my pain, and it touched these people.

Why?

Because I wasn’t projecting a false sense of self; I wasn’t acting self-righteous; I wasn’t exploiting people’s pains for person accomplishment nor wealth; I wasn’t being disingenuous; I wasn’t acting as if I was perfect.

I was tangible and relate-able.

And in being relate-ably transparent, I was also seen as a threat.

It’s a traditional case of, narcissistic ego taking hold and disguising that as being “disobedient against God.”

I wasn’t being disobedient. I was being loving, encouraging, and compassionate.