This is page describes an entirely new approach to help you/us to investigate all that is contributing to different facets of ourselves, specifically in ‘simulation’ software and script component terms.

This new approach has arisen out of the investigations and the improved understandings that emerged out of the use of the exercises that people have worked with over the last few months . . . in ‘simple’ terms we’ve added in ‘higher level’ system software to allow peoples directed attention on their own selves and their ‘data origins’ to allow what contributes to themselves to be identified and for some / many people what is contributing is fed into your ‘awareness’ . . . .

Please read ALL of the open:

“‘Copyright Statement – READ THIS ‘NOW’“ ‘accordion’ below . . .

AND, do this before working with any ‘simulation’ experience targeting exercise: because you are ‘bound’ by certain conditions and given certain warnings with respect to this page and these exercises . . . ‘IF’ you have ALREADY read these warnings etc on another exercise page then CLICK on the accordion TAB immediately below to close it as this will save you having to scroll down the page to reach and work with the ‘exercise’!!!

The Simulation Software ‘Obviously’ WON’T LIKE People Accessing What Contributes to Themselves

Simulation software relies on keeping people disengaged from everything of themselves that is ‘worrying’ from the simulation projects: objectives, ‘consensus’ reality and the ‘generic humans’ range of experiences point of view. The software basically keeps you locked into a bubble of ‘normal’ human functioning and a managed ‘consensus’ reality view point AND more importantly it relies on stopping you from even becoming aware of any ‘out of bounds’ possibilities as in ‘extra’ enhancements and or abilities (or what these experiences imply). It relies on this ‘awareness and investigation’ disengagement tactic to severely suppresses you from even becoming aware of never mind of THINKING about trying to access never mind of allowing you to actually ‘understanding’ you are defined by software and a script of data.

So, in ‘playing’ with this and other ‘exercises’ here then the software will likely tag you as ‘dangerous’ and you can expect it’ll try and find ways to distract you, make this web site and your experiences gained here fade away from your memory faster that usual while keeping you busy and occupied elsewhere . . . and so on . . . this is just it’s standard operating protocol (SOP) for worrying people. I’ve personally been giving it ‘THE BIG FINGER’ for over a decade now!!!

To make it very clear . . . despite that the worst anyone has experienced pushing against the simulation in these ways is some temporary ‘weird’ experiences that have faded out after a few minutes or hours . . .

You use/work with the below . .

Entirely at your own risk

‘IF’ you do decide to ‘go for it’ then work with the below when you have some hours to spare, so if anything ‘extra’ weird and or disturbing happens you have some time to recover / wait for it to fade out (before you have to do things like ‘drive’).

So, if you want to explore these areas then work with the ‘statement of intent’ presented below, BUT first you read the following . . . .

COPYRIGHT: The below is all Copyright, all rights reserved Clive S Hetherington 2015 and on. The exercises’, the ‘focuses’ the statements of intent (SOI) STAY on this site and you don’t copy what is below to present on another site, I have made my copyright very clear that I don’t want ENTIRE sections taken from this site and presented somewhere else. I don’t mind a paragraph or two as an ‘opener’ BUT no more than 20% (this is stated and has been stated for years in my Legal page (the link is in the very top menu way above)). This is specifically the case for this page BECAUSE I’m wanting COMMENTS of feedback from people working with this page to help myself and in fact everyone interested in what I’m presenting here to IMPROVE our understandings of WTF is going on!!!!

INSTRUCTIONS: As you read the ‘statements of intent’ then you state ‘with intention’ what you read internally with a directed will of ‘I WANT THIS / This is what I WANT!!!’ while simultaneously keeping your inner awareness / senses alert and ‘still’ to give yourself the best chance of becoming aware of anything that the focus reveals / gives you direct access too.

This ‘does’ take practice, I ‘started’ to spend time trying to become aware of my internal states and inner perceptions three and a half decades ago.

This is an entirely new approach to help you/us to investigate all that is contributing to different facets of ourselves.

Take what is written below here as an ‘outline’ to be used as a passive instruction ‘guide’ to help you engage with and also in some cases become aware of the simulation components that are defined by, that contribute to and which are responsible for what you are reading about that contribute to YOURSELF.

So, the below are absolutely NOT TO BE DONE WITH INTENT or ‘FOCUS’ they require a completely new/different approach.

The below can be thought of as a ‘conceptual’ outline or framework which is designed to allow you to consciously become aware of the simulation design components that are ‘active’ which are actually contributing to defining and or ‘generating’ yourself.

So, this is achieved by you passively engaging with / becoming aware of the simulation ‘architecture’, the ‘script parts, the software, the data origins and structures that contribute to ‘YOURSELF’ as you read what is described in any text descriptions presented below that directly describe different facets of the make up of yourself. Basically as you read the ‘outlines’ (with ZERO focus / intent) you have a chance to become directly aware of the simulation components that each contribute to what is described in the ‘outline’ . . .

To do this just ‘read’ each paragraph or for a long paragraph just a part of it . . . and as you read allow yourself to then try and become ‘internally’ conceptually and or visually aware of the simulation ‘components’ that ‘contribute’ to what you have just read.

Basically we now have the possibility to become aware of the ‘data’ and all combinations of everything that makes up ourselves. This will likely be represented differently for different people. For me it’s appears as an unfolding ‘sketch’ of a vaguely defined ‘schematic’ map / blueprint. For you it may be a cascading ‘matrix’ data stream . . .

For example . . . just ‘READ’ the below . . .

“It is my intention to absolutely become aware of all simulation components, all script parts, all software, all data and all data structures that have contributed to absolutely anything and everything of myself in the last 5 seconds . . . ‘now’ . . . “

As, you read the above, switch between ‘reading’ it and then gently aligning your attention to become aware of all that makes up yourself. As you do this you ‘may’ or may NOT become aware via ‘mental / visual / feeling / imaginary ‘ of an emerging picture of ??? that REPRESENTS the ‘components, the script parts, the software, data, data structures’ that ‘form’ in your head or are just ‘sensed’.

These ‘perceptions/feelings’ may not and DON’T don’t need to be in detail, they can be ‘wispy / indistinct / vague’ . . . for a while, just gently switch your attention between ‘reading’ to feeling, sensing / becoming aware of all that is contributing to yourself related to what you are reading about . . . these ‘connections’ will build up until there is nothing else to connect to – at which point you’ve got ‘everything’. In other words, have the intention to keep reading, and to hold your awareness / attention on what is responsible for what is described in what you are reading until you feel there is nothing else emerging.

Try reading this below a few times ‘slowly’ while trying to become aware of what you are reading about AND what responds because you are reading this:

“It is my intention to absolutely become aware of all simulation components, all script parts, all software, all data and all data structures that are contributing to myself specifically because I am accessing, investigating and trying to become aware of everything that defines and or contributes to myself and I particularly want to become aware of absolutely anything that in the last 30 minutes has contributed to efforts to make it more difficult for me to do what I am trying to do as I read this paragraph . . . “

Below are the start of some specific 1-5 ‘descriptions / exercises’ for you to read that will ‘hopefully’ help you become aware of ‘different’ things . . . . the first time work from the top down, but keep in mind that part ‘3’ covers things messing with you / try to put you off. So, in some instances jumping to that section and reading this will be helpful at times.

I particularly remotely engage with absolutely everything that makes up ALL stored data, tables, trees and logic and ALL software engines & analysis systems that contribute to defining, shaping, selecting and or scheduling absolutely ANYTHING that has EVER directly or indirectly negatively debilitated, influenced or impacted, myself AT ANY PARTICULAR TIME

I particularly remotely engage with absolutely everything that directly or indirectly contributes to defining, shaping, selecting and or scheduling for delivery absolutely ANYTHING via the ENVIRONMENT that has EVER directly or indirectly negatively debilitated, influenced or impacted, myself . . .

I particularly remotely engage with absolutely everything that contributes to defining, scheduling and or delivering absolutely anything to myself related to ‘missing people’ interactions, the data, the script & software & delivery systems that directly or indirectly define how myself and others interact with each other and how we are influenced by these interactions . . . . . . and I particularly connect to absolutely EVERYTHING of script, software & absolutely all used, stored data of all types that directly or indirectly contribute in the slightest to the quality of absolutely any interactions I had in the last few hours and or which I will have in the next few hours or days . . .

. . . I particularly engage with absolutely all script, software & all stored data of absolutely all types that EVER contributed to predicting and or pre-defining absolutely anything of myself, the quality of my environment, my interactions and or anything else . . . . . . and I particularly engage with all potential variations of absolutely everything that contributes to pre-defining, scheduling and or delivering absolutely anything negative and particularly with respect to the outcomes of absolutely any interactions I have with any others . . . and . .

. . . I particularly engage with all variations of all data, all decision and all processing components, ALL databases, parameters, tags, codes’s, formulae, weighting factors and all conditional, decision and or conversion, translation and or transformational matrices, programming templates, schematics & execution & flow trees, & all logic, decision & option matrices, trees, tables, formulas & variables and EVERYTHING ELSE that were directly or indirectly involved in defining and or contributed to creating, solidly maintaining and or making worse absolutely any aspect of myself, my life and or any of my interactions in alignment with the simulations short, medium and long term aims & objectives . . . and . . .

. . . I particularly engage ‘now’ with all ‘actual’ available or potential variations of absolutely everything I describe above that ever could be used as part of any simulation project agenda driven strategy to keep me limited, contained and or diverted or sabotaged and particularly because of what I am doing now

. . . I particularly engage with absolutely all script, software, AI’s & all stored data components that have been and or which are directly or indirectly:. . . monitoring absolutely any aspect of myself and or what I am doing ‘now’ . . . and or that are:. . . monitoring and or tracking myself through time and or which are making predictions of my future behaviours, interactions and or actions or reactions . . . and or that are:. . . evaluating & or analysing absolutely anything of myself and particularly to determine what I will or am likely to do in the future and or how to influence me to have me live the outcome that has been pre-defined for myself and particularly to align myself and to keep myself aligned to the objectives of the earth simulation project . . . and . . .

. . . I particularly engage with absolutely all script, software, AI’s & all stored data components of absolutely all types that have been and or which are directly or indirectly: analysing, evaluating, assessing, designing, developing and or selecting, scheduling and the delivery route and or the delivery method of absolutely anything that contributes to absolutely anything of myself and or my pre-determined life, interactions and experience or absolutely anything which uses myself to keep anyone else’s pre-determined life and experience on on track and or unfolding as planned with respect to the aims, objectives and or priorities of the earth simulation project . . .

. . . I particularly remotely engage with: all environment originated, all script parts, simulation software components and or data that have been and or are NOW directly or indirectly, contributing to absolutely any negative, debilitating or life or interaction sabotaging strategies that have been recently applied to myself . . . . . . I particularly remotely engage with: absolutely ANY approaches and or delivery methods that are now or that ever ‘could’ be applied to myself in the future . . . and . . . . . . I particularly remotely engage with: absolutely ANY combinations of any combination of; distributed, orchestrated, coordinated, scheduled: script, software & or originating AI’s and or data that have ever contributed to absolutely anything originated to impact myself because of what I have been giving my attention to in the last 10 minutes and specifically because I am accessing, investigating and becoming aware of everything that defines and or contributes to myself . . . and OR because of what I will or may potentially do in the future . . .

. . . I particularly remotely engage with: all simulation script parts, software components and anything else that monitor, evaluate, backup and restore any software or any type of AI or processor, and any data components or types or data systems and or any components or systems that incorporate and or access, refer to and or use absolutely any data, and or any analytical, decision or interpretation structures and or transforming or logic trees of absolutely any type ((repeat the following 3 times (START)) and I connect now to all system components that monitor, evaluate, backup and restore any of these monitoring, evaluating, backing up and or restoring software and or data systems components (now jump back toSTART>

. . . I particularly track back and directly or indirectly engage with absolutely all script, software, AI’s & absolutely all stored logic and or data components of absolutely all types that are within or external to or distant from the simulation structure and or which have ever been directly or indirectly contributing to: analysing, evaluating, assessing, designing and or coordinating the delivery and or use of absolutely any components and or data and or ANYTHING ELSE that contributes to absolutely anything of myself, my life and or absolutely any of my interactions and or any limiting and or containing experiences or ANYONE ELSE’S and particularly as part of fulfilling absolutely any separate, distributed and or contributing aspects of the overall aims, objectives and or priorities of the earth simulation project . . . AND I particularly connect to absolutely ANYTHING that directly or indirectly ever contributed to locking, maintaining and or increasing absolutely anyone’s containment’s, limitations, debilitation’s and or extremes . . . .

. . . I particularly engage with all combinations of script, software & all the origins of all types of stored data and or pre-defined logic or decision trees that directly or indirectly contribute to:

. . . I particularly engage with all variations of all data, all decision and all processing components, ALL databases, parameters, tags, codes’s, formulae, weighting factors and all conditional, decision and or conversion, translation and or transformational matrices, programming templates, schematics & execution & flow trees, & all logic, decision & option matrices, trees, tables, formulas & variables and EVERYTHING ELSE that were directly or indirectly involved in defining and or contributed to creating, solidly maintaining and or making worse absolutely any aspect of myself, my life and or any of my interactions in alignment with the simulations short, medium and long term aims & objectives . . .

. . . I particularly track back and directly or indirectly engage with absolutely all script, software, AI’s & absolutely all stored logic and or data components of absolutely all types that are within or external to or distant from the simulation structure and or which have ever been directly or indirectly contributing to: analysing, evaluating, assessing, designing and or coordinating the delivery and or use of absolutely any components and or data and or ANYTHING ELSE that contributes to absolutely anything of myself, my life and or absolutely any of my interactions and or any limiting and or containing experiences or ANYONE ELSE’S and particularly as part of fulfilling absolutely any separate, distributed and or contributing aspects of the overall aims, objectives and or priorities of the earth simulation project . . . AND I particularly connect to absolutely ANYTHING that directly or indirectly ever contributed to locking, maintaining and or increasing absolutely anyone’s containment’s, limitations, debilitation’s and or extremes . . . .

. . . I particularly engage with all combinations of script, software & all the origins of all types of stored data and or pre-defined logic or decision trees that directly or indirectly contribute to:

Targeting ‘Simulation Design’ Compromises or Oddities:

(A) – From Ancestors: analysing, evaluating, selecting and or scheduling absolutely anything being added into myself, into my own ‘make up’ of absolutely anything that ever originated from or is or was part of the ‘make up’ of absolutely any of my human parents, grandparents or absolutely any of my ‘ancestors’ . . .

(B) – From ‘Cannot be allowed’ Experiences Attributes: analysing, evaluating, selecting and or scheduling absolutely anything of my original scripted self that the ‘software’ defining myself wants to either keep hidden, obscured or in the background such that it is presenting these ‘symbolically or indirectly’ and or by incorporating them it into the external environment presentations (as films, music, books etc) and or as part of the interactions I have with absolutely anyone else . . .

(C) – From ‘Missing’ People: analysing, evaluating, selecting and or scheduling absolutely anything being added into myself, into my own ‘make up’ of absolutely anything that ever originated from or REPRESENTS ‘ANYONE ELSE’ to have myself used as a proxy, as a substitute or as a stand in for SOMEONE ELSE, for a MISSING PERSON and particularly when I interact with absolutely ANYONE else . . . (OPTIONAL: and PARTICULARLY for my interactions with ‘X’ . . . (X can equal any named person – your ‘partner’, mother, son, boss etc))

(D) – From Subconscious & Subliminal contributions: analysing, evaluating, selecting, scheduling and or delivering to myself absolutely anything that directly or indirectly contributes to absolutely anything that would EVER influence myself subliminally or sub-consciously and or which would ever impact myself subconsciously or subliminally or below the threshold level of my conscious awareness or perceptions

(E) – Contributing to have me keep my ‘shit/issues’: analysing, evaluating, selecting, scheduling and or delivering absolutely anything to myself that directly or indirectly would define and or influence what I am able to become aware of (and hence DON’T target here) with respect to my own personal issues, debilitations and or negative moods, behaviours, attitudes, reactions and or responses and or absolutely anything else that I am kept unaware of and or conceptually diverted away from and or are made to forget about when I come to this page(F) – Symbolic Translations Negatively Impacting the Human Physical Form: analysing, evaluating, selecting, scheduling and or delivering absolutely anything to myself that is in absolutely ANY ‘SYMBOLIC’ form and or which has been translated, converted and or transformed from something that the simulation wants to prevent myself from becoming aware of into a form that often debilitates some aspect of absolutely any human physical, mental, cognitive, emotional and or psychological state or condition . . . and I particularly engage with absolutely any symbolic component or organised, coordinated, scheduled combination of ‘symbolic’ components that have ever been delivered to myself as part of absolutely any strategy conceived of, designed and or delivered to manage, manipulate and or influence myself in alignment with the current and or ultimate aims and objectives of the earth simulation project . . . and I particularly engage with absolutely anything added into myself as ‘symbolic’ that has or that would ever make it harder for me to do engage with what I am reading here and or harder to become aware of absolutely any other negative, sabotaged and or suppressed areas of absolutely any aspect or aspects of myself and or my circumstances that I should also target and engage with to find what is contributing to these directly . . .

AND . . . of course if you DO experience ANYTHING while using the above then you give us a comprehensive description as a comment below . . .

For soul-healer.com site accessing, reading distraction effects and so on then use the following (read / carry out 2/3 repetitions of what is below) . . .

“I fully and absolutely, completely connect NOW to absolutely ALL combinations of data, script and or sim components that are directly or indirectly in the slightest contributing to or are responsible for myself having absolutely any problems, distractions, diversions, blocks, sabotages and or absolutely any other type of ‘put off’s’ to finding, coming to, accessing, easily reading and or understanding absolutely any page on this site and or which is contributing to or responsible for causing me to have absolutely ANY difficulties, easily SEEING, easily reading, easily taking in, understanding, integrating, recalling and or easily discussing and or accurately conveying to absolutely any others absolutely any simulation information I encounter on this site . . . ”

72 Comments

Been hit with a series of unfortunate events this last week and had to do a lot of damage control.
Happened to notice this on the front page of the WSJ March 24-Style section ( just happened to be laying around in public) about all of the new VR gadgets coming out on the market. ( I did keep the long article) This paragraph caught my eye “ These silly VR headsets can be magical, but also have a dark side. It’s easy to end up nauseous and – more frightening – virtual experiences can sometime get too real. More often than I imagined, the line between the two realities starts to blur”.

Glad to see the new exercise. I was pondering doing VR3 again and could not get focused. As I sat there – I felt something float out of my chest / abdomen. Up at 11 o’clock appears a full color cameo of “real me”( call it this for now). It don’t know what she really was but it was a younger, more real looking, more robust, clean, sparkling, glowing, more colorful version of “myself here in the SIM” . It did not seem to be a clone and just smiled and was oblivious to me. I watched her / me and wished I looked like that – even at that age I did not look that good/real. I felt she was looking at myself as if I was a beaten up old rag doll, not well proportioned, one side different form the other, etc. It was all quite unusual from anything I have seen.
The information came very fast during this exercise and I did not have much time to drill into the meaning of most items:
00- Practice section – Black musical notes in groups of 3-4 float up into the air. Feels like there is a screw going thru my nose bridge again.
Icons in order:
• Tiger
• Candlestick
• Sewer grate
• Jam jar
• Braille alphabet

Conveyor belt group:
• Whole vegetables flowing left to right down the conveyor belt
• Chicken on the left side laying one egg each second, that drops on the conveyor belt

Pouring Group:
• Rice being poured into a funnel
• Gold coins pouring out of a burlap sack – the coins come out and never stop
• Gumball machine spitting out one random gumball at a time and each one drops on the floor and rolls away
On-Off Group:
• I start to feel hot then cold, hot then cold
• Many doors open and then close, open and close
• Gas Lamp posts circa 1800 go on and off, on and off
• Many faucets with running water go on and off, on and off
• Series of steps / escalator going up then moving down, up and down
• Buttons go into buttonholes, and out of button holes
• Pendulum clock ticking back and forth
• Metal Hangers swinging back and forth on an empty iron pole
• Zippers opening and closing
• Accordion squeezing air in and out
My ears start to hurt and a big mouth comes and blows high-pressure air thru my head – clear thru from one side to the other. – but did not feel any pain.
01- “missing people” – curtains on a stage in a theatre are opening and closing quickly, and each time they open there are different people on the stage. The lights in the theatre continue to go on and off. I then see a series of palm trees dropping only one leaf at a time, and the next leaf does not come off until the previous leaf reaches the ground. Peeling a banana one layer at a time. The banana morphs into an onion and I do not want the onion – and it goes back to a banana.
I am in a remote area in a wilderness area with a box of matches – I am lighting many campfires one at a time all the way down a very long dirt road. A bunch of wizards are watching me peeking out behind some trees.
A long line of all of the animals on earth is walking in a circle around the equator.
Opposite Day:
• A very tall tree trunk with no branches starts to grow roots out of the top of the tree
• I am in a cave with stalactites and stalagmites. The stalagmites on the floor, are dripping water that float vertically up into the air

02- This is the first time in months I am getting very light headed typing this.
“Monitoring and or tracking myself through time” – the weather is following me around – I am extremely affected by the weather and hate rain in my face, wind, etc. “predictions” – inundated last week with many harmless synchronicities. Found no less than 3 crucifixes and one medallion with the 10 commandments on a dirt path while waking in remote areas. So – I thought let’s see what the SIM can really do and I asked to see exactly 5 bunnies munching grass the next morning at 8 am. – right on schedule.
“interactions” – constant offers from people in public regarding healing systems – they all want to touch me and try to run their hand up and down my arm or back.
Wind Icon
“determine what I will or am likely to do in the future” – I am finding in my current life – that my friends’ attitudes are changing and my interactions with them seem to now be beyond my control. Sometimes I wait to see if my invitation to do something is destined to occur or what happens instead. I feel like these interactions are controlled to keep me safe ( not go into a certain part of the city etc.)
I am riding in an elevator that is going up and down, and I have no choice what floor it stops at. It randomly stops to give me a peak of what is on the floor.
Icons:
• Wheat
• Bubbles
• See-saw
• Monopoly game
• Ant / Anthill
“scheduling and the delivery route” more wind is blowing and blows me down and away – like in the Wizard of Oz.
Will continue more tomorrow……

Since I’m not doing what “she” wants, they are putting pain back in me. I think it is hers because she used to feel bad. In the past she would shove it in herself and say that she doesn’t want to feel bad anymore.

Now that I’m not doing what they want they won’t allow me to feel good or eat vegan foods without being sick. I’m all for eating more fruits and veggies.

They don’t want me here, they want me with them. I just am happy here. I just desire these circumstances to change. Life can be happy on earth.

I feel all the pain and painful energy entering back in because I am not following what they want. They want her to feel good and I only get to feel good if she gets to come and be with me “her” way.

I find my hand itching and rubbing and I itched my eyes and when they/I did that they said “you don’t get her heart.” I think they meant I don’t get my eyes. Everybody used to complement me on my eyes.

I think what these people do is threaten to take away their beauty so they can manipulate them. I think they have been doing this to me for a long time. I think she is just me, but she has been programmed and manipulated and made feel bad and bullied and she just gave in. I have warmth between my legs inside and a voice said “they just wanted to be inside her, she felt so good.” They said that they get to be with her now, and I get the guilt and pain. She lets herself be controlled and then she gets what she wants. Then they said they want me to touch my right breast.

I looked at a link on my phone and for a split second it looked like the Star of David.

They just told me they have Clive in their heart now. They then said they want me to touch my right breast. I’m not doing this but they keep repeating it.

I think they take the good, feel good parts of people’s soul and leave the people with the pain unless they can manipulate and use them.

My left hand sometimes shakes and it like a child like voice is saying they are going to kill me and to give them the power back.

It seems like people communicate through my feet. The childlike voice says they want “your” Rose to be with them.

Now there is a group of Asians that were manipulating me. They say if I don’t do things as they like it I will have thyroid and or beck issues. I feel things swelling.

They make people look uneven in photos.

None of these parties will allow me to feel good inside. That’s the big thing for me. I want to “feel good” when you haven’t for 13 years it becomes a hot commodities.

Their version of Rose wants to be perfect. I’ve said someone doesn’t have to be think and look like a model to be pretty. You don’t have to be perfect. She said she doesn’t want to be with me because she wants to be perfect, I said I don’t want to be with her because I don’t want to be perfect, but it seems somewhere deep inside, some aspect of me, possibly programmed wants to be. Deep down “I” don’t, but I have these doubts.

To the left of me something started to appear, it looked like a beetle. I used to have this happen all the time. Beetles, spiders, ect.

I was looking at my photo and beauty shown through. I then had this though that “will I get her eye?” and they said “No, she gets that back.” But then it got sent back to me in the photo. It was the Asian looking eye I have been seeing. One eye looked like my eyes always looked, and another eye looked Asian.

Well the uneven eye and the Asian eye is back. Now the left eye is bigger than the right, the right is the Asian eye. They are both hooded. I don’t remember them being hooded like that. Something inside changes the left eye to look smaller.

I looked at something my niece uploaded and it was about young people and partying and the other “Rose” said, we will make her feel really guilty about that.” I think these are the people that have made me feel sick and guilty too.

Now the inability to go to sleep energy came back to me. I will probably be up all night now. A program came up that said “I’ve got to do things for “her” (Their Rose)

Everything is uneven eyes, nose and lips. Who knows what is real or not anymore. At least I’m alive.

They are going to make me ugly and uneven now, but if that’s the price I have to pay to be free then maybe it’s not to bad of a trade off. I can’t imagine anyone that would be ok with that but I don’t really seem to have a choice.

I feel like there are two separate people on me.

I was reading the instructions to the subconscious mind programming one and a huge bubble was broken through to more of like my soul, instead of these programs and other people soul and pain that I have been carrying. My mind though “Clive is going to get it this time, but when I thought of Clive a icon or picture of the psychopathic psychologist popped on my mind. My mind said that he has some of your heart so it’s going to go to him. I wanted to give you the opportunity to fix this because it seems like they want to get to this part of my soul and give it to her instead of me having it and I felt her guilt entering. It’s like they want me to carry the pain of the world while the go on with their lives. I can’t carry another’s pain anymore. I don’t want these people us in control over me any more. A voice says “They want to take you (me) back to them”. I don’t want to be with people like them. They say they will be nice to me, I’m just done. This has f-ing hurt and I can’t be a part of any of that. They want people to feel bad so that they come back to them.

Now my heart feels blocked and the pain is there.

I’m getting they want me to be responsible for everyone’s mistakes.

Remember a long time ago I told you about how there was this family tree that my mom had, and my photo was in the middle but it’s like your picture was attached to it? Somehow they may be using it to control the focuses or that instead of the focus going to you it goes to me, but a version of me when that photo was taken, which was taken in 2012. I was going to use that photo for a collage, but I had forgotten it. As I type it there is this pressure of guilt, pain, and suffering. It heads to my throat chakra and heart chakra and my right and left side of my solar plexus. They are wanting me to carry their pain.

I thought I wanted to be a healer at one time, but I can’t take on other people’s pain. Right as I typed this the icon of the Statue of Liberty flashed in my mind. I have seen that off and on for awhile. My throat is feeling swollen and triggered. They are saying that they are taking it away, but they aren’t, they are just making it seem like it is not there. I’m scratching my nose and they said they are giving me the bad nose.

My mind keeps on saying they want me to take back all the information to them. I am becoming more aware of that voice. Something inside my soul says it feels guilty about it.

Played around with the excercise last weekend. Punishment wasnt funny. I did found out something neat though vr copy of myself that got hit by something it looked humaniod that used 12 different kind of attacks i played a lot of videogames it looked like i was the final boss the attacks followed very fast after each other each time i got hit with an attack it turned in to a different icon. Any suggestions what that might have been ? Clive i was thinking about seeing a shaman because i have visitors in my body that are very reluctant to leave should i do it or just let your invisible mates tinker around with me ? I’m feeling like the monster of frankenstein its like i’m a bloody chimera made up out of other beings their souls energies i dont know ? It feels like there is not very much of myself left inside of me

Big release of crying and emotion. All the problems and fears and conflicts in my life that have come up. All the things that seemed to block me from getting better. I felt, stuck, blocked and couldn’t move. I could tell that people wanted me to stop crying because it made their version of Rose feel bad.

They are leaving me with the pain.

Pressure in my abdomen. It feels mildly painful but mostly uncomfortable. Makes it hard to burp, uncomfortable to swallow, and pressure pushing up on my abdomen. Also I am getting it makes it hard for me to take a deep breath.

They are sending back my thyroid disease issue. It does seem like someone is out to get me, get me to handle all the pain so they could be happy and in the lap of luxury. I could be wrong but this is what it feels like.

Realize why I asked my roommate for help a lot was that there is this deep ingrained program or belief that I wasn’t going to get better. They wouldn’t let me go from it. They were going to make me take on all the sins of another avatar that they programmed to do bad things for that was another version of me. Her soul is my body. I let her stay there because I feel bad for her. They abandoned her when they were done with her. They wanted me to believe I was her and it was my soul doing it unconsciously through mind programming. I think her avatar was connected to mine. I would see tattoos come through and bright colored hair. I used to have colored hair in 2014. But hers were different colors like purple and a orange color which I wanted but didn’t get. I think possibly teal which is one I used to have but that was a long time ago.

They tell me a tornado is coming tomorrow and that the world is going to be on fire. Synchronicities with fire. A book called Woman on Fire and that I keep on meaning to read and Sarah McLachlan’s song came on Pandora called World on Fire:

Still haven’t slept yet. This stuff keeps on coming through. Detoxing it out.

After watching the Sarah McLachlan video it made me remember that I wanted to help the poor people in the other countries. I felt the pull to help out so strong it made me sick. No one else seem to care and I couldn’t do it all. I had to take a break from all the emotions and pain and had to focus on me for a bit. I think they split the soul on purpose because he didn’t want her to do that. They left me with all the pain and problems and issues. The uneven face. I didn’t have that when I was growing up. Every once in awhile weird things would come up but I wonder if they just did that to make me believe it later. The psychopathic psychologist said reality wasn’t what it appeared to be like. Almost like it was able to be manipulated. None of the people I know want to help with this, including my chiropractor who in the beginning always said he just wanted to “help”, which reminded me of myself before I got sick. I’m getting the message that he took him and all my other love interests away so she would stay with them because deep down she liked them better than him.

He would manipulate them, steal their soul and she would want him. It’s like he has the gods love in her that she was missing, and all the other love that the other people gave. All the healer, sessions, ect, sabotaged and stolen. I knew this was happening but I didn’t know how to stop him.

He wasn’t loving when I met him. Psychopaths don’t know love. He knew that I knew it. He claims he knows it up there now, but how can he if he doesn’t want to come down and help and make a difference. If you have power and you can’t use it for good than what is the purpose?

She doesn’t want to do it, she doesn’t want to heal. She says he made a better world and she wants to stay there. She says she is beautiful there.

What do we really know about what and how we look like? Through photos, mirrors and other people’s opinions. Everything is programmed through the mind. We judge ourselves by what we see in the mirror which each mirror in my house shows something different. They have some connection through one of my mirrors in the living room. I can sense it. We know what we look like by what others see and what others tell us about what we see. If reality is changeable and manipulatable then someone could lie and say you look some way and it be a lie. They could program your subconscious mind to think and believe and see it that way. Also Facebook and online stuff. I know stuff is up because actresses and stars bodies and faces would change. It never stayed the same. Sometimes they would look beautiful and other times like normal people with bad noses and acne. Which is really real? Neither of reality is able to be manipulated like that? Cloves face has always stayed the same, but what if the photo that I am viewing Clive as isn’t how he looks to himself or others? One would never know. You could see five different people and think it is Clive. This is what I have seen in my reality. People’s noses and faces changed. It’s like when their version of Rose was in my body all the models had bad noses and looked bad. I get she was insecure and the psychologist told her she was superior so she saw all the models as what ugly and imperfect. Why would she want to stay here with me? Or here? Why would she have to face the fears? Do the work? Just leave and create a new reality.

I also watched video online that Satanists are promises to be God of their own reality.

This all fits together with the things that he said to me.

Also they could make you believe you are sick and had health problems and pass the problem on to another person. I felt them sucking souls and their energy and life force through me. Anytime I would get a healing, they would suck the energy. Back then they said they were vampires. A entity close by said that she is with me now. Maybe she was with their Rose, but changed bodies.

5C — I felt strong anger over feeling that much of my life is a lie and that most or none of my friends in this life are from my original script. I also felt that I am merely a stand-in in the family and that someone else should’ve been their eldest child.

March 28

1 — At first I connected to a multicolour cloud plus some background whirring of engines and computers. I felt that the simulation components were hiding from me and that I was being fed with false images or icons to distract me.

March 29

1 — I saw myself as data: codes of white words and numbers forming into what makes up my body. Music began playing in my mind. Eventually my external environment was rendered in code in a similar way.

Next, I saw long scrolls of paper coming out of darkness or nothingness. The scrolls unfurled themselves.

“Limited, contained”: I remembered the feeling of having no space I could call my own — having to hang out in more quiet parts of my house at daytime and sleeping in my brothers’ room at night to avoid the annoying noises outside my bedroom.

2 — prediction of future behaviours: Mentally I ran through some of my daily routines. I accessed a timetable of the tasks I’d do tomorrow. The timetable was marked with X’s and checks. The X’s were placed on personally significant or meaningful tasks, meaning I was blocked from doing them or they did not push through or I did not finish them. Meanwhile, check marks were placed on trivial tasks.

“Align to the objectives of the earth simulation project”: A broken doll or puppet in rags appeared in my vision. It had lost the will to fight against anything that stood in the way of its dreams.

At the last paragraph, I saw myself blocked by a wired criss-cross fence. I felt guilty over how my remaining at home (as opposed to leaving home to work or volunteer elsewhere) is keeping the rest of my family aligned to the status quo.

3 — Anger began to simmer in my heart. This was followed by distracting thoughts.

“Restoring software”: I felt I was accessing something, but it quickly slipped off my mind.

5 — F: Knees and limbs shook involuntarily. I felt hardness and tension on my knees. I might be wrong, but I perceived my knock knees as symbolic of being pulled in different directions so that I am always conflicted between myself and my family.

March 30

I didn’t get much except for the following: music icon, mouth icon, mouth icon overlaid with “cancel” sign (don’t speak). I did feel that I was betraying certain people by gaining information that they’re keeping away from me — info that I’m not supposed to know in the first place.

Before the focus: I killed a brown beetle in my bathroom today. Two days ago I killed a cockroach there too. I do not know what this means.

1 — I did the focus after feeling chest pain this afternoon. This triggered lots of crying. I began to feel that the harder I try to contribute at the Soul Healer site, the worse I perform, and the worse off Clive and his team becomes.

I saw the black pawn icon. I felt I was merely a pawn of the simulation software and drones and that my role was to sabotage Clive’s research efforts. I screamed and wailed. I heard the words “heart of darkness” and “saboteur who’s on the bad / evil side” I was not sure whether those thoughts were mine or not. I had very strong feelings of stopping my involvement at the Soul Healer site. Internal and external noise distracted me, while persistent thoughts that sounded like mine but are (probably) not mine screamed, “Disgrace! Dishonour! No wonder everyone’s avoiding you!” I felt the shock of realising that I had been managed to play against Clive (through my distracting comments for instance).

I continued releasing chest pain through crying for parts 2 and 3 of this focus.

4 — Right after the end of a crying spell, music instantly played in my mind, followed by yet another bout of chest pain. I targeted that, as well as suggestions telling me to commit suicide.

5 — B: More chest pain, screaming, and crying. I remembered the darkness in my own heart — how my selfishness, suppression of anger, and impulsiveness led me to hurt the people who mattered to me and led to my own downfall; how my strong desire to make a difference in the world resulted in so much heart pain and betrayal that I withdrew into myself to the point of annoying others because my conversations with them revolved mostly about myself.

E: Images of me pounding on my desk with fists accompanied my head tension. Thankfully, I did not act upon those thoughts and hurt myself.

After the focus: I felt the horror of I had had done. Chest pain persisted for the next several minutes before it faded away. The campaign jingle I heard lasted a few minutes, so I felt I was in a sound prison for a while.

“I felt the shock of realising that I had been managed to play against Clive (through my distracting comments for instance)”

Yea, quite true Nina, some people have combinations of issues that make them easier to use against others and particularly others that are ‘exceptionally’ worrying to the simulation software.

I could be buried 24h each day under ‘contact’ e-mails that I get a) from people expecting me to waste hours of my time answering questions (that are often answered ‘somewhere’ on site here) and or which from my perspective are a complete distraction or b) from people that ‘think’ they know something that I have missed or ‘what about XYZ’ or have you thought about ‘abc’ there are even some that because they leave regular comments here think this should allow themselves to have regular direct contact with myself.

For anyone that is a regular here it is very, VERY likely that you’ve NOT been allowed to have it really sink in what I’m working toward and or how ‘apparently’ impossible this is . . . or how much effort is required to ‘absolutely’ stay on track / ‘point’ / have the best chance of being successful against the efforts of the software that defines everything of this ‘reality’ including your understandings of, reactions to, and decisions relating to what I’m presenting here!!!

Practice – I have become more aware of activity around me being scripted and feel a bit distanced from old feelings and reactions associated with activities in society. People are starting to wonder why stuff does not bother me. It is easier to tune out “breaking news” and excitement and pull back and watch it like a play – and even try to analyze why this would be designed this way.

Rolls of toilet tissue are spinning of the spindles and falling down all over.

03 – “method of delivery” – many mailboxes are open and letters are swirling around the earth and downloading into the open mailboxes. Next I see a mining shaft with buckets of ore coming up and out of the mine shaft and dumping ore/dirt bucket by bucket. “Life and interaction” – the egg beaters are back and are whipping my hair into a frenzy. I also see fields of windmills. As I try to drill into this, it seems this is a way to throw me off balance and make things more difficult than they need to be – as a way of weakening or slowing me down. “sabotaging strategies” – I am sitting on a rotating stool and a long line of workers in white lab coats are taking turns putting bandages on me. “Data of software” – rows of dominoes arranged in lines or patterns are tipping over and cascading down one by one.
A basket made out of chicken wire appears, and various persons are trying to pour items into the basket. All of the items are very small, too small, and all fall thru the holes in the basket. “Method of delivery” – pellet gun and paint ball gun broadcasting pellet shots across a wide area. This really feels like some of the delivery is not as fine-tuned as it should be – more trial/ error and then revise / damage control as needed.

04 – My examples so far tend to be very generic. I really feel a wall at times but the wording in section 04 helps a lot.“Debilitations and influences” – I tend to be a very sympathetic person and hate to see issues happening to friends or family. I will always drop what I am doing, jeopardizing my own health and stop to spend time with someone else. Despite me trying to help – I always “hear” them saying I could have done more. Body image – it sucks and needs to be improved and can always be better – never satisfied and spun up to spend money looking for a miracle cure. Strangers constantly offer suggestions at kiosks/ in malls and nothing short of harassment. I feel bad for young girls and the influence on them. “Influences while sleeping” – up until the point I came upon this site, my dreams were all fantasy, amazing, wonderful, release. They have drastically changed as if a warning about my involvement and the dreams have become quite ominous. Recently I am a member of a clan of witches or wizards and am under their tutelage. Visitors come and go regularly walk thru walls, pull on the bed sheets, make sounds like babies crying, try to smother me, assault me, etc. They tell me they come from God but when challenged I tell them to get lost. I have no ability to regulate them and generically announce at bedtime and everyone has to leave and NO ONE is allowed. I often travel to eras / areas I don’t recognize, but tend to be very enjoyable with different families I have never seen before. Frequent sleep paralysis upon waking or complete lack of recognizing my surroundings. “Any sexual turn” – and/or the opposite as in complete numbness of all emotions as a way to assure cooperation and distractions

05A – strong line of customs and rituals that have to be followed – to include religious, talismans, medical opinions, eating, visiting, traveling, etc. I have done an analysis for fun, of penmanship, and saved 100 years of letters / memorabilia and it is amazing to see how many women in my family have almost identical penmanship – how can that happen!B – no wild music or TV or videos about horror, science fiction or aliens. No stark emotions or swearing allowed, drugs, sex or rock and roll. Music / books – must be well read and learn material from different cultures and preferable learn 4-5 languages, to include being able to write in symbols.C -I have noticed a strong inheritance of traits, voice mannerism, beliefs, and addictions from deceased people passed on to their children only after death.
When interacting at work, I am often treated /seen as a man, tough, can take anything and I feel I carry the energy with me and feel impervious. I mentioned in a previous comment that I seem to have a half woman half man energy body. I do not like being treated as a man.My race / coloring seems to make me a target for a lot of harassment from people that have a beef with the culture I come from – I am not sure why this is happening.
D – constant subliminal suggestions of the most horrific things / crimes / atrocities that could happen to family members-not as a threat but just this is what you should expect in life. This often whips me into a frenzy and prevents me from being able to sleep.
On the other hand – constant synchronicities regarding helpful items I may want or need.E – Tiny aches and pains that medical professionals – bring to my attention – and want to pursue with major treatments. Constant offers from healers to fix me up. This makes me feel paranoid at times, despite the fact that I completely ignore media and don’t watch pill commercials. I tend to get very frustrated with people that don’t try to learn or work or volunteer.F – not sure what this means – will continue later

this exercise has initiated the strongest detox ever. Really pushing thru fatigue and kidney pain and being light headed.

It sounds like long term stress release from EAAS trauma (and possibly other missions? You’re probably made as an ‘important mission’ person, if you read those other pages about ‘soul missions’ here etc).

—

I have become more aware of activity around me being scripted and feel a bit distanced from old feelings and reactions associated with activities in society. People are starting to wonder why stuff does not bother me. It is easier to tune out “breaking news” and excitement and pull back and watch it like a play – and even try to analyze why this would be designed this way.

It sounds like you would have had significant experience testing your own script and others scripts, so this ‘detachment’ could in fact have been achieved technologically specifically through the VR setup which would have had you detached from the strong reactions and emotions as you tested your experiences, specifically defining trauma moments that had the most ‘impact’ on shaping you as a person.

So that could specifically explain/ go along with these:

I have become more aware of activity around me being scriptedpull back and watch it like a play

So it seems like a ‘win win’ as this is not only very useful here—to be ‘engaged’ but in an observing way that gives you distance so that you can

pull back and watch it like a play – and even try to analyze why this would be designed this way.

I wonder if for all the EAAS project people they could actually modify the scripted experience of VR testing your script to build in context as people release trauma? Especially once it is less extreme and ultra intense and it can be done in a smoother, more controlled or scheduled way. One of the ways I notice they seem to work with me is when I’m actually up against/ ‘in the thick’ of the worst ‘shit’ I am totally locked down while ‘observing’ and then the ‘context’/ feelings comes as vague suggestions afterwards, when things have died down and are ‘safe’.

I am sure each person will work differently, but I was just thinking that this could be made from being ’double trauma sim project hell’—where you are FORCED to relive the scripted experience of you LIVING out/ testing your script just to make you even more FU—and converted into something useful / more OK.

—my dreams were all fantasy, amazing, wonderful, release. They have drastically changed as if a warning about my involvement and the dreams have become quite ominous.

This makes me think that they could be using dreams to process things for you, the buildup or progression of your worst stuff.

—
Given that we are in an ‘inverted’ / inverting sim trying to make everyone into rabid ‘C’ bozo people (hahaha) this would make sense in terms of the original presentation and experiences of your script?

Recently I am a member of a clan of witches or wizards and am under their tutelage. Visitors come and go regularly walk thru walls, pull on the bed sheets, make sounds like babies crying, try to smother me, assault me, etc. They tell me they come from God but when challenged I tell them to get lost.

B – no wild music or TV or videos about horror, science fiction or aliens. No stark emotions or swearing allowed, drugs, sex or rock and roll. Music / books – must be well read and learn material from different cultures and preferable learn 4-5 languages, to include being able to write in symbols.

It’s interesting that you were made to miss the bent/ meaning of paragraph B. B is about the directives and parameters of the software:

anything of my original scripted self that the ‘software’ defining myself wants to either keep hidden, obscured or in the background

That makes me think perhaps there’s something ‘hiding’ when you are doing this part of the focus?

(It’s not from a ‘moral’ prerogative, although it’s interesting that you wrote it this way as we’ve found ‘C’ moralistic/ moralizing / ‘value’-based software objectives. Software directives with parameters arranged around how well you ‘fit’ (or not) with ‘C’ values).

—
In the same vein about ‘something possibly missing’ / possibly missing something, I have come back to the ‘icons’/ visual images you mentioned a few times now:

“Data of software” – rows of dominoes arranged in lines or patterns are tipping over and cascading down one by one.
A basket made out of chicken wire appears, and various persons are trying to pour items into the basket. All of the items are very small, too small, and all fall thru the holes in the basket. “Method of delivery” – pellet gun and paint ball gun broadcasting pellet shots across a wide area. This really feels like some of the delivery is not as fine-tuned as it should be – more trial/ error and then revise / damage control as needed.

I tried to go in behind you at your workstation, i.e. imagining myself going within your script as you ‘do’ what you do and ‘shadowing’ you in this work. (I have done this with others and it has worked).

However what I get with ‘you’ and particularly ‘here’ is the front end not matching up with the ‘back end’. So it may be this has to do with some differences between the final software version of the sim vs. what you were working on. There was a ‘shadow’ sim project that was going on behind the scenes, not all of which you would likely had access too (and neither would I).

As I check over these again ‘now’ (5 hours later or so from when I originally checked) I get that the teams have ‘neutralized’ some kind of effects with respect to these. They are no longer as ‘marked’ for me when I access these icons, they feel like whatever was hiding has been ferreted out. More detail I can’t get at present, but I will keep tracking things like this as there does seem to be some weird things I have with specific icons on people’s comments which seems indicative maybe of a combination of the sim software, interconnections between many different areas and/or my personal script accessing. (I still seem to have EAAS blocks things in some ways. I know I also wiped my memory to protect myself after ‘shit hit the fan’ or ‘the writing was on the wall’ so I wonder if this has anything to do with it.)

If I’m able I’ll try to passively follow along and find the track/ trail of these types of things moving into the future. (Even though the majority/ nearly all seems to be done on the back-end these days).

The fact that you’d missed (B) in part five as well as the meaning of (F) / been put off from focusing makes me think that it’s possible you were involved in these areas so now they are being specifically blocked for you.

Here is paragraph F:

(F) – Symbolic Translations Negatively Impacting the Human Physical Form: analysing, evaluating, selecting, scheduling and or delivering absolutely anything to myself that is in absolutely ANY ‘SYMBOLIC’ form and or which has been translated, converted and or transformed from something that the simulation wants to prevent myself from becoming aware of into a form that often debilitates some aspect of absolutely any human physical, mental, cognitive, emotional and or psychological state or condition . . . and I particularly engage with absolutely any symbolic component or organised, coordinated, scheduled combination of ‘symbolic’ components that have ever been delivered to myself as part of absolutely any strategy conceived of, designed and or delivered to manage, manipulate and or influence myself in alignment with the current and or ultimate aims and objectives of the earth simulation project . . . and I particularly engage with absolutely anything added into myself as ‘symbolic’ that has or that would ever make it harder for me to do engage with what I am reading here and or harder to become aware of absolutely any other negative, sabotaged and or suppressed areas of absolutely any aspect or aspects of myself and or my circumstances that I should also target and engage with to find what is contributing to these directly . . .

So this is specifically about symbolic software translations. Things that have been

translated, converted and or transformed

Into a ‘surface presentation’ of something else.

—
And then there are at least two phrases here that could specifically describe the difficulty you are having:

absolutely ANY ‘SYMBOLIC’ form and or which has been translated, converted and or transformed from something that the simulation wants to prevent myself from becoming aware of into a form that often debilitates some aspect of absolutely any human physical, mental, cognitive, emotional and or psychological state or condition . . .

&

I particularly engage with absolutely anything added into myself as ‘symbolic’ that has or that would ever make it harder for me to do engage with what I am reading here and or harder to become aware of absolutely any other negative, sabotaged and or suppressed areas of absolutely any aspect or aspects of myself and or my circumstances that I should also target and engage with to find what is contributing to these directly . . .

(Personally for me this is also one of the worst paragraphs to try to engage with).

Reading the first intention statement, I felt a sort of airy, opening sensation around the center of my chest which felt dampened down or pushed down in someway.

In reading the second intention statement the opening sensation in my chest intensifies a bit along with a weird, uneasy feeling stirring around my solar plexus/gut area.

Wondering why or what is holding back or blocking these sensations, I get a feeling of fear and uncertainty and doubt that nothing will happen, fear that I’m doing this wrong, uncertain that I’m doing the exercises wrong. There is a lack of confidence and or trust in what I’ve been given and what I’m doing. I realize that I must be confident in my abilities and what I’m doing and what is happening and trust myself and the process ‘Take a leap of faith,’ is the thought that comes to mind.

While writing the above, I came to realize that my own will is also contributing to why the other exercises don’t really work for me because everything I’m reading (about the simulation and what it is doing to all of us) is bad or wrong I don’t want part of it. This line of thinking to me is ironic in a way since I’m already here, already a part of it and there is nothing I can do to suppress, resist or run away from the it and how I’ve played my part in it all.

In feeling a little more confident with myself and what I’m doing, the repressive feelings in the center of my chest easy up a bit and I feel more open.

I move on to the Targeting All Components exercise and upon reading the first line I suddenly get an image of a short-haired, orange-haired anime girl stepping forward with confidence flashes through my mind.

While writing all of this down, I sudden get distracted with thoughts about the topic of music and suddenly I feel a lot of shame and sadness. I even begin to cry as I think of how music can be a bad thing, a distraction, and it hurts to think that while music has always been there for me while others haven’t and has helped me through some difficult times, I’m sad to learn that it can be used in abusive and manipulative ways. (I know I have a mood influencing music implant without doing the exercises. I felt extremely tired as I woke up today and had the intro to Flo Rida’s song ‘Right Round,’ playing in my head.)

1 – My friend has a touch-screen computer, but he doesn’t actually use the touch-screen component. He was having a problem with insects landing on the screen and ‘accidentally’ clicking things. His ‘solution’ to this problem was to swat / spray the insects so they’d go away. He hadn’t even thought of disabling the touch-screen function until I suggested it to him.

2 – Earlier today I cleaned and disassembled my deep-fryer. When I was done, I put some of the parts on an area of my bench where i’d normally make coffee. So later in the day I went to make a coffee, and my initial ‘solution’ to the problem of these parts being in the way was to make my coffee on another area of the bench – before I stopped to question myself: “What the F am I doing?!” and moved the parts elsewhere.

These seem like ‘behavioral anomalies’ to me, and may be a ‘representation’ of people ‘working around’ their issues, rather than actually ‘resolving’ them.

3rd attempt – still pushing thru fatigue and kidney pain
Practice – long lines of soldiers walking 6 across in formation – marching back and forth -reminds me of the animals circling the earth’s equator – all walking in a circle. Also a lot of tight large rubber bands around my head ( not painful) – This all feels a bit like some type of containment – keeping everything in line/order. I feel like I had too many bosses – but somehow managed to keep them all satisfied and had to multi task alot as well as morph into various personalities to stay safe. Feel a hook pulling me out of my chair and whoops – now you go to this workstation. I also feel like I was moved around a lot to keep- me from getting too attached or familiar with one area – yet kept that knowledge buried inside me somewhere. I don’t get that I was always mind wiped when moved from desk to desk – but I do see my memories of co-workers were wiped or altered to make it seem like everything was ok ( many did not recognize me despite I knew we worked together).

While going about work / tasks the last 30 minutes – if seem I tend to “know” what will go well and what will need extra effort based on goals over the last few days. This has become quite accurate and I feel I was able to remotely keep track of area that needed more attention and re-direct my activities as needed.

1 – “what I experience” – this feels like it is being censored. What I experience is not what I feel or how I react to it. There is some type of filter that does not allow me to become out of control/ enraged/obstinate/ non-compliant regardless of how bad /irritating/ repulsive things get. Just shut up and keep working. They continue to give me more work.
“stored data” – feels like some data was stored right out in the open – inside people – perhaps via implants or mind control. I also see us all in the current Sim earth connected to all types of gadgets, phones, watches, games, TV’s devices, etc. tying together a lot of data – BUT – I do not like or use these devices – and somehow I still get all of the downloads, the scoop, and know what is going on??
“missing people” – I wonder if this is those little nudges we are told we get to do something just at the right time – intuition
“delivering negative” – image of the ferris wheel again – this time it seems it is another method of regular delivery of maintenance software and there is always a backup bucket behind each bucket as it comes around

2 – “future prediction” – I often see myself living my life in reverse – as in I see my full timeline to old age and feel like I am selecting a specific time point to live out at the moment. Things happening day to day often do not surprise me – I only get revved up when I feel they are out of sync – as in occurring at the wrong time point. I also feel that certain activities from my timeline have been totally removed and this is most disturbing – absolutely knocks me out when something should have happened and is missing. I also tend to be very daring and venture out quite a bit and am starting to see little tidbits of niceties being sent my way to encourage me to stay put and not be so curious.

3 – “interaction sabotaging strategies” – There seems to be a continuous stream of diversions, escalating in severity that require some type of intervention, which will prevent me from do doing something I had planned ( like write on this site). There is not much that will slow me down, but this is very frustrating and a waste of brain power.
“future strategies” – I have an insatiable appetite for learning new things and wish I could do every hobby/sport/ music/language on the face of the earth, and continue to be frustrated that I know the information is somewhere and I can’t access it.

Jump to 5 F-spent a lot of time reading about symbolic software logic/ translation. Going back to the exercise I get the following. Huge ability to absorb information and comprehend it / act on it. Examples include multiple people taking to me at once in 3 foreign languages while I am typing, and I am able to assimilate what they want me to do on an assignment/job. Supervisors have questioned me as to whether I am paying attention. A few select supervisors that know me very well will say “leave her alone – she knows what to do”. On the other hand – the information comes in, but I cannot relay it back out. I am at times unable to verbalize, much less quickly than what is needed or what has happened. Often I am frozen and too much is swirling in my head and I can’t even get the words out and can’t say anything. Many people including some healers and psychologists have said I talk too slow, and chose my words carefully. They get very frustrated with me, wave hand gestures to try to speed up my speaking. I find this very offensive.

I also find that after assimilating information and completing tasks – I have forgotten how I did it or completely lost track of time / rendering of frames -alot accomplished in a very short amount of time.
My down time is also slow and I am shocked how many people tell me to hurry up and drink that cup of coffee or tea or wine. Who drinks a fast cup of tea and why are they pushing me – complete strangers in public. This happens a lot.

Ten pounds of cabbage in a 5 lb. bag – in a previous comment Clive described me as a generalist. I would call myself “jack of all trades and master at none”. As hard as I try to perfect a hobby or skill – I simply cannot do it to the level of perfection I want.

1 — “VR”: This reminded me of a time when looking at someone’s photo reminded me of a traumatic incident I had with him. I have not seen his photo for a long time though, so I don’t remember what he looks like.

3 — “Interaction sabotaging strategies” : I felt annoyed over how I ended up in email correspondences or conversations where I (would be managed to) said things that result in further wind-ups.

“What I will or may potentially do in the future” — I glimpsed white code in black background scrolling forward very rapidly. I felt as if something were analysing the code for the actions I will take in the future.

4 — targeting: being overly pessimistic with myself when talking to my sibling, talking about my past issues and trauma to a sibling who gives me advice that feels useless from the perspective of someone who knows the limits of simulated free will

5 — A: I think a physical manifestation of my mom’s “make up” being added onto my own would be whenever she forces me to store store some of her items into my bedroom because she has no space in the master’s bedroom. I resent this (even if the bedroom is part of my parents’ house and even if I can transfer her stuff to other parts of the house) because I feel she is encroaching upon my space.

C: I felt I was not matching to my mom’s scripted expectations of how her daughter is supposed to behave. I’m not affectionate towards her, and my interests are too different from her.

April 7

1 — I saw multiple data centres distributed around different parts of the galaxy / multiverse, plus some itching on my chest. (I tried to target my chest pain, but it faded as soon as I started doing the focus.)

3 — “back up / restore” — While reading those words, the karaoke noise outside my bedroom increased. For the past several days, the noise level has gone down significantly, so I could now use my bedroom for sleeping. So I felt the sim software was trying to restore my external situation back to how it used to be.

I did these exercises over the past week. I notice d that I have a tendency to start same of the exercises and not complete them, which I feel ashamed of.

1) In reading the first line I connect with a memory of when I was in grade school. I was staying at a babysitter’s. My babysitter had gone out of town with family and had called in a substitute, so it was just this substitute and I for two days. On both days we would go to the nearby park and I would try to make a replica of Devil’s Tower.

In reading the second line, I felt a blockage or a sense of lethargy, like a ‘do I want to do this?’ kind of feeling. Read it a couple more times and didn’t receive anything.

As I get to the end of the third paragraph I feel internal repression like ‘I-don’t-want-to-know’ type of feelings. It also feels like there is a knot at the base of my throat. At this feeling I get a picture of the main characters from first yaoi/slash (aka boy’s love) manga, Yellow. Goh, the dominant of the relationship, is clutching Taki, his partner and the submissive of the two, from behind with his face looking over Taki’s shoulder from behind and looking off to the side with one arm around Taki’s waist and the other gently touching Taki’s neck.

Taki just stands there with his arms at his side and looking up at the sky, looking helpless about the whole situation and just kind of taking whatever Goh is doing to him.

In reading the fourth paragraph my right eye started getting fizzy down the center.

Moving onto the fifth and sixth paragraph the vision in my right eye gets blurrier.

In reading the sixth paragraph again I’m reminded of all the trouble and trauma and debilitating shit in my life, particularly with regards to family and politics and living in general, and all the stress and problems and drama in other peoples’ lives and want to and trying to help and failing miserably.

I remember, rather hysterically when I think about it, insisting that I know there were problems, that I was aware and I knew what was going on and was trying to fix it. But now I come to realize that I haven’t been helping anyone at all. I’m not aware of all that’s happening and going on around me (fuck, the shit is deeper and more complicated than whatever situation is placed ‘physically’ before me,) and contrary to what I have believed, I don’t know what it would take to truly help fix the situation. There’s a lot I don’t know or understand and I feel very disheartened and hopeless to know that.

I stopped at one because it was getting to be a bit much for me. Overall, to be honest, these exercises worked better for me that the focuses, and part of me wonders if there’s a reason for that. I’ve been working with the Negative Issues exercise, and I’ve come to realize that I’m not focusing properly when I’m doing them, that I’m not wanting them enough. Thing is when I think of wanting something, I get this sense of wounded tiredness radiating from the solar plexus area.

“fuck, the shit is deeper and more complicated than whatever situation is placed ‘physically’ before me,”

You have to remember that as software defined people living out someone else’s life then ‘everything’ of our life is predefined. In other words the software defines who you will interact with and when – so it already knows you will be interacting with ‘x’ in say 6 hours time. As such it has six hours to analyze and set things up AS IT WANT’S IT.

So, the quote is very interesting because one of the things the sim does is to keep everything vague and ‘on the surface’ i.e. it doesn’t want anyone thinking about reality in deep ways or of the complexity of it’s approaches. So, your quote actually shows that it’s not been able to stop you from thinking of this AND writing this out. That’s a good sign too.

Megan . . .1) In reading the first line I connect with a memory of when I was in grade school. I was staying at a babysitter’s. My babysitter had gone out of town with family and had called in a substitute, so it was just this substitute and I for two days. On both days we would go to the nearby park and I would try to make a replica of Devil’s Tower.

I get that there is a ‘trace’ leading off somewhere ‘interesting’ in your memory but it’s possible you hadn’t ‘gotten there’ in the focus?

(Or maybe the teams are working on checking where that ‘trace’ leads to??)

—
I was just thinking about my own ‘babysitter’/ nanny experiences as a child and how ‘certain of them’ had very peculiar represents in my life and script that seemed to ‘mean’ / represent / ‘lead to’ very ‘different’ things than you’d imagine.

And alongside of this, also how if I was writing people’s ‘life scripts’ I would approach scripting certain experiences.

Like if most of your time as a young child is spent with your parents but they ‘give you to someone else for safekeeping’, especially someone ‘not well known’ (which here/ at this time in the sim is likely to be a ‘babysitter’), then this could be a ‘lead in’ to some kind of representation.

And then it’s even stranger somehow this ‘backstory’:

My babysitter had gone out of town with family and had called in a substitute

“1) In reading the first line I connect with a memory of when I was in grade school. I was staying at a babysitter’s. My babysitter had gone out of town with family and had called in a substitute, so it was just this substitute and I for two days. On both days we would go to the nearby park and I would try to make a replica of Devil’s Tower.”

This memory kind of struck me the most (I also felt a strong urge to share it.) Especially how enthusiastic I felt in wanting to replicate the landmark.

In this case, the thing I picked up on is that I have a habit of trying to do the same thing, or better than, others at certain things or in certain situations, especially if others have let me or others I care for down. For example, growing up as a child my mother would tell me about painful experiences she had growing up and how lonely she was (she was the middle child of three.) I, being unhappy about what I heard and knowing she was hurting from it, would be determined to make it up to her and try to be better or do more than those who had failed . I realized in connecting with this memory that I had a habit of doing this quite often.

Babysitter wise, while I did have many, there were two primary babysitters I remember going to growing up. My mom was a full-time nurse and my dad had a bunch of add jobs, I primary remember him being a trucker and traveling a lot. I would on occasion go with my dad, but he would tease me growing up, sometimes to the point of tears, so eventually my mom made me stop going with my dad to avoid this. Then after my mom and dad got divorced (never heard or saw from my dad again) Mom worked a lot of hours to keep the roof over our heads, so I spent a lot of time at either one babysitter or the other (depending on if it was a weekend of not) until I was old enough to stay home.

I’m still fairly new to using the exercises (I’ve only worked with them off and on over the last month,) and so I’m still getting used to how they work.

Last week, I did this focus after losing my temper and shouting at my dad when a misunderstanding between us erupted during lunch time.

2 — I thought of different ways to avoid having to talk to my dad for a few days to give myself time and space to process what just happened. I knew what I did was wrong, but I still felt it was right for me to express my previously suppressed anger against him.

I began to feel some pain in my right thigh — pain that threatened to restrict my movement. I felt like blaming him for the restrictions he had imposed on my life since childhood. I almost began crying but I held back.

4 — I targeted all the past and present issues I have with my father. I engaged with my tendency to lose my conscious mind and go berserk with rage when provoked too much, to the point where I feel my subconscious persona or alter ego takes over me by instinct and does things I normally don’t do when I’m in conscious control of myself.

I began to feel that I am with my current family only because of the similarities of our issues, especially how their issues complement mine in a pretty bad way. (Ex. “dictator” dad, stubborn / rebellious child who talks back at him)

5 A — I connected to my parents’ and grandparents’ anger issues, which I seemed to have inherited. I thought of how my parents had mishandled their anger against me as a child, which led to the counterproductive responses and defences against them. I felt the pressure of living a life similar to theirs and rejecting their expectations of me.

C — “proxy / stand in”: X = my dad

D — I felt some chest tightening, but not to the point of having to cough it out. For some reason I ended up repeating this paragraph without my awareness before I remembered that I had just read it. Then I vaguely felt the “me” that vented against my dad, as if all of my pent up anger has been released and I felt more powerful afterwards.

F — At the end of this focus, I began to feel my neck stiffening from always having to keep my head down. I couldn’t stop myself from crying, so I felt like I had to conceal my face to avoid unwanted attention from cafe patrons.

I did the Negative Issue Identifying Exercise after this focus. I resonated with the term “cultural specific tech or networks” and felt that its hold on me has decreased slightly. If I were still bound by limiting cultural beliefs related to filial piety (especially the “don’t talk back to elders” bit), I would have suppressed my anger as usual and vent it out in destructive ways (like smashing objects in my room) when he’s not around.

I remembered my vow as a child to accumulate as much anger as I can inside me so I can strike back when the right opportunity comes up. I wanted to be powerful enough to assert myself — to not care at all whenever people curse me, put me down, or humiliate me.

While reading comments on this page, I was drawn / nudged to start the focus.

After working through it and feeling the management effects I read it through ‘backwards’ and played with it for a while.

EVENTUALLY, on this paragraph:

I particularly remotely engage with absolutely everything that contributes to defining, scheduling and or delivering absolutely anything to myself related to ‘missing people’ interactions, the data, the script & software & delivery systems that directly or indirectly define how myself and others interact with each other and how we are influenced by these interactions . . .
. . . and I particularly connect to absolutely EVERYTHING of script, software & absolutely all used, stored data of all types that directly or indirectly contribute in the slightest to the quality of absolutely any interactions I had in the last few hours and or which I will have in the next few hours or days . . .

I had a virtual screen come up on the upper / right hand side of my vision which showed a 3D model / representation of the subtleware being mapped as I did the focus. It did not stay around for a while, only several seconds.

However alongside of this I actually saw the quality and nature of my vision ‘change’, as if a camera lens was shifting focus, and I felt as if I ‘zoomed in’ slightly on the text. It also changed colors and the ‘contrast’ of the page changed. It reminded me of playing with editing software or the old CRT monitors for computer screen where you could adjust screen: brightness, resolution and contrast.

So, it seems that each of these two things:
1) VR screen popping up in virtual space with 3D rendering of subtleware
2) ZOOM changes and brightness/contrast/ resolution changes

were both ‘tells’ for advanced technology being presented/ represented in the simulation.

This also reminds me of the comments that Kay has written about the internal screen / rendering of data — how the ‘internal readout’ or screen only shows up for a short while. Although I think mine showed up for an even shorter amount of time.

It reminds me of watching for fireflies at night. The flash only ‘there’ long enough to ‘capture’ / register its existence and then it fades out.

I almost think my VR ‘frame’ capturer or whatever is able to ‘extend’ the perception of tiny blips, because sometimes I record or write what feels like several seconds or 10 seconds when in reality it’s only been 1 or 2 seconds.

But 1 or 2 seconds at 32 rendered frames per second could ‘feel’ like a lot if you had tech that would ‘amplify’ your attention on this short ‘burst’.

—-
I also noticed that this ‘3D rendering of subtleware’ seemed to occur on this paragraph:

. . . I particularly engage with all variations of all data, all decision and all processing components, ALL databases, parameters, tags, codes’s, formulae, weighting factors and all conditional, decision and or conversion, translation and or transformational matrices, programming templates, schematics & execution & flow trees, & all logic, decision & option matrices, trees, tables, formulas & variables and EVERYTHING ELSE that were directly or indirectly involved in defining and or contributed to creating, solidly maintaining and or making worse absolutely any aspect of myself, my life and or any of my interactions in alignment with the simulations short, medium and long term aims & objectives . . . and . . .

Which makes sense to me as it’s all the ‘technical’ /back end of the subtleware and so would be a logical place for the mapping to happen.

Weirdly in ‘checking’ again I CAN call up a 3D rendering for this (as if it’s been RECORDED in my VR!!) BUT . . . it ‘stops’ after a second or two.

As if the sim is ‘blocking’ the rendering of it or making it ‘falter’ or ‘cut off’. So I see a ‘buildup’ of rendering and it gets to a certain point and I can ‘see’ the architecture but I can also clearly see it has ‘stopped’.

So it’d be like watching a video that shows 5 minutes and 30 seconds and you see the strip stretching from 0:00 to 5:30 but upon playing the video only the first few seconds play and then it goes black.

(But even that seems like a huge leap forward from the past, where I could only ‘feel’ this being done and ‘know’ it by feeling or ‘assuming’ it based on that feeling of ‘data processing’ going on ‘out of sight/ out of mind/ out of awareness).

I attempted this exercise last week but only made it through Section 1.
—————————-
I see what looks like a very long slim pole with a small crossbar, and hear ‘crucifix’, even though it doesn’t look like the crosses used in most churches.

The experience feels very blocked so I engage with any security or anything blocking me or diverting me, or protecting anything I’m trying to engage with. This causes my eyes to act like hard drives searching a database, but no images come. However, the front left lobe of my brain throbs with each phrase, and my eyes are uncontrollably drawn to examine that ‘front left lobe location’ of my head. (Note: I’ve noticed this region of my head has had ‘odd’ reactions to many of these exercises.)

I add the statement “particularly the front left lobe of my brain” which gets no reaction nor adds any insight, so I change the phrase to “particularly this location” referring to where my attention was being insistently drawn, and begin to hear “Muad’dib secret files” each time my eyes are drawn to that location.

Then, in that location in my left frontal lobe, I see two snakes (cobras perhaps but not sure), twined together. Then I see a sword between them, which looks very similar to the icon I saw in the very beginning (the so-called ‘crucifix’), and the entire composite looks somewhat like the Cadueus, but without the wings.

I hear the phrase, “First, do no harm,” which is similar to the Hippocratic oath, an oath historically taken by physicians.

The Cadueus is a symbol that is often incorrectly used to signify health and health care, but it’s actually a “magic wand of the Greek god Hermes (Roman Mercury), messenger of the gods, inventor of (magical) incantations, conductor of the dead and protector of merchants and thieves. It is derived from the Greek karykeion = “herald’s staff”, itself based on the word “eruko” meaning restrain, control.” (Quote from this link: http://www.drblayney.com/Asclepius.html)

The confusion of the Cadueus with Rod of Asclepius (which has only a single snake wrapped around a rod, and represents healing and medicinal arts in Greek mythology) and how this symbol I’m seeing feels related to healing yet is distorted, reminds me of Matt’s comment about the Cobra icon, and the Nāga snake goddess, Manasa, that I’d written about here,

..I would not be surprised at all if this ‘snake/ venom’ thing is actually something around healing which has been totally inverted here is a complete mockery/ farce/ piss take!!! ..

And then you have things like venom is used for healing or antivenom (I think??). I have heard in desert areas of the Middle East, if you cut off a Scorpion tail and keep it and apply it to a new bite it is an ‘antidote’ or ‘anti poison’. So that also seems like a weird feature of reality in general in the original MV even e.g. ‘what is healing?’ and then an already confusing/ ‘inconsistent’ reality context in the original MV has been totally put into a blender here.

Very blenderized .. I notice that the magic wand that’s a symbol for “commerce, thieves, and magical incantations” is being confused with the symbol for HEALING. ha.

As I continue this section, I keep feeling like there’s a 3d space in my head but it’s hard to maintain access to it. The sensation is somewhat analogous to those “Magic Eye” 3d puzzles where you can only see the hidden image by focusing the eyes ‘just right’. I can’t maintain the connection to this 3d space yet. (It’s briefly appeared in prior exercises, thus it appears to be ‘important’ that I eventually gain access to it, though.)

Near the end of this first section, I see a collar and a leash, then a person on all fours (hands and knees), is wearing the collar like a dog. There’s a person holding the leash. I notice the person on all fours appears to be part of a “human centipede”, with multiple people attached mouth-to-anus in a row like the movie “The Human Centipede”. Then, I observe a tube attaching the leash-holding person’s anus to the collar-wearing person’s mouth.

The impression I get is enslavement for some people to be forced to ‘process’ other people’s trauma. I’ve felt and observed trauma being fed to me from other people for a couple years now (may be much longer, but it became noticeable a couple years ago), turning my body into a prison and septic tank for others’ “trauma shit”. There have been posts here lately about similar circumstances, such as Melissa (who posted about having to store others’ trauma so these other people could have a better life) or Leo (who posted about a project where people are imprisoned and forced to experience and live out others’ karmic issues). I don’t know if their posts are directly related to the “Human Centipede” image I’m seeing, but ‘trauma’ seems to have been a big topic in the original space, and there appear to have been many inhumane and cruel ways of dealing with it.

I’ve had an exceptionally difficult time with this situation and last week I wanted to ‘end it all’ because of this hellish state of affairs. It ramped up to extreme levels last week and my attempts to investigate the source of this debilitating circumstance resulted in an experience that felt like massive security defenses activated to pound me back into submission. It also somehow feels like the trauma I store is used specifically to keep the traumas’ “owners” away from me, so they can’t address nor deal with their own trauma because it’s safeguarded in me. Not sure if my description is technically “accurate” but I’m describing what it feels like / looks like to me, since the “trauma owners” of the trauma I’ve been receiving, studiously avoid me especially in circumstances when this inner trauma hell is overtly torturing me, and their “turned backs” adds to my distress.

This reminds me of my experience with the “Negative Issue Identification” a couple weeks ago, where I felt like I was someone’s “trauma bitch,” as well as how I’d seen a Trauma Port that seemed to feed others’ trauma into me, and a Trauma Shunt that stored it for later use.

My daughter interrupts me just before the paragraph on “interruptions”. I then read the paragraph and can sense many connections being made. It feels like her interruption is a ‘set up’ – to test what happens with interruptions. I am reminded how much of my life over the past couple years feels like a series of setups for the purpose of study and research by virtual or invisible “researchers”; many of these setups have been quite brutal and harsh. It’s likely a scripted experience of being experimented on that’s being replayed ‘here’, but I feel abused by their lack of compassion for me, and pained by how they make poor decisions because they are only passive observes and don’t have experiential hands-on knowledge of what I’ve learned through these experiences, or a proper way to monitor me. They seem cold and aloof to the horrors I’ve been subjected to, act incompetently towards me, and appear impassive about my welfare.

I now realize it’s gotten quite late and I have to stop without continuing past Section 1. As I consider the chain of events that led to how I got to a point where I feel blocked from continuing, I see a crossroads with many paths branching off but each path has a wall or something blocking it. I hear “Timelines”. There is only one path with no blocks, and it shrinks quickly to a very narrow path.

There are many things in this comment that I ‘resonate’ with (as soon as I wrote that, I got very strong ‘shit’ energies and get problems thinking straight and feeling confused. Which is probably a good indicator that I should keep writing…).

The Naga and snake things for example. I found lots of Naga people and other stuff some years ago, where I was also processing having ‘snake forms’ and lot of related things, including ‘winged snake’ Naga symbolism (they are worshipped all over east Asia and India and Sri Lanka, where there supposedly is a mythical Naga people. I again stumbled over another Naga people recently, in a State in India whihc is even called Nagaland, and who used to practice the Naga religion. A neighbouring state, Manipur (same name as the third ‘chakra, which is connected with ‘fire’ – even though ‘chakras’ isn’t what they are presented as ‘here’), has a snake-dragon in it’s coat of arms.

Since I had my life completely wrecked 22 years ago by so-called kundalini awakening (or ‘syndrome’), ‘snake’ symbolism and experiences has been and ongoing occurrence (it comes with the kundalini) and also an ongoing project for me to try to find out what it is really about, which has been incredibly blocked and difficult for all this time. Not only for myself, I know a bunch of people who have had the same happening, and we tried lots to find out what was going on, but with no success (before I found wsw, seven years ago, where it has also been very blocked and out of reach).

There has also been a lot of ‘winged snake’ symbolism, like the Caduceus staff also has, same as the Naga people also have:

“The Naga Kanya or Cobra Women are typically viewed as a race of fairy-like demi-goddesses born of Vishnu’s vehicle, & they may have the forms of beautiful maidens, but are usually maidens only from the waist up, serpents from the waist down.

Naga Kanya, half woman, half cobra. With her winged shoulders and her cobra-hood headdress, there is an uncanny parallel to this very Himalayan Cobra Lily with its immature leaves like Naga Kanya’s wings, and its long stem mottled like that of a serpent, beneath the hood-like spathe.”

The link I had saved to this article doesn’t work any more, but here are lots of images of the Naga Kanya:

Already a long time ago I began experiencing the ‘kundalini energy’, which is traditionally called the ‘serpent power’ and symbolised by a curled up snake in the ‘root chakra’ which is to ‘awaken’ and climb up through the chakras and make people ‘enlightened’, as some kind of ‘technology’ (because it felt that way, like begin full of ‘machinery’ and I had had enough ‘kundalini’ moving up through my spine and ‘chakras’ to make 4000 yogis ‘enlightened’, so I knew it wasn’t ‘real’). ‘Enlightenment’ was never my intention or wish, I used to consider that to be ‘the worst that can happen’ – like being made completely ’empty’ and spaced out in ‘spiritual bliss’, so that you won’t care about anything at all.

I also experienced being ‘forced towards enlightenment’ through the use of the ‘snake power’/’kundalini’ – against my will and in spite of fighting it as hard as I could (fortunately it didn’t ‘happen’, but I was in some of those ‘states’ for a while, which was extremely scary, like loosing more and more of myself). I consider that to be more like a ‘punishment’, which I have also processed it as, when processing for splits (I have done that lots, I am connected to all of them and have had ‘all’ their stuff running in my own system) – and experiencing how critical, strong, great people were being made into ’empty’ and ‘enlightened’ puppets and set up in missions as ‘spiritual gurus’ – for the sole purpose of shutting them up and makign them into non-threats.

Kundalini is also connected with and called ‘fire’ (which becomes very ‘understandable’ when your spine has been seriously blow torched by it, and your whole life has been ‘fried’). I have been in and also processed lots of ‘fire’ related things, including a couple of different ‘fire worlds’ (which must be VRs also) and a Phoenix form and ‘world’ as well.

I have had lots of expereinces over the years of having either just one or two, intertwined snakes inside of me, in or around the spine and up through the head etc. But I have also processed not so long ago, ‘serpent technology’ inside of me, in the spine mainly, both as one ‘snake’ and as two intertwined snakes, which I have also processed/experienced with someone else. As being a technology used for ‘merging and sharing’…space, knowledge, energy, experiences etc.

And since we are split and you are also expereince Naga/snake stuff, you ‘probably’ have the ‘snake tech’ as well? Maybe you can ‘get’ some more around it?

Also the “Muad’dib secret files” is interesting. Also because I was in insanely strong ‘shit’ yesterday and also today, which was about hitting a ‘wall’ of extreme security measures, and being trapped inside a super strong ‘forcefield’ made by the Bene Gesserit, in order to make sure that no one could ‘access’ their stuff and their ‘Other Memory’ – including me (who was ‘made’ by them and part of all this, for their purposes, and then kicked out and done a lot of shit to). So I hit the ‘BG secret files’.

I have also been like a ‘garbage bin’ for other people’s stuff, not only their trauma, but ‘everything’, including a lot of things I would very much have wished I had never been presented with – inside my own system. It also included all the therapists, healers, psychics etc I saw, I was like a ‘vacuum cleaner’ who had all their stuff and issues entering my system, so things always got a lot worse after seeing one of them etc.

And it is definitely also something that has been deliberately used against me, and to traumatise and break me.

The ‘chakras’ represent the subtle in and output (according to Clive), and the experiences of ‘other people’s stuff and trauma’ has very much been in ‘chakra areas’ for me, and also connected to the ‘energies’ (tech) relating to the ‘kundalini’ or snake tech…….

I forced myself to wake up from some kind if dream several times this morning, and to stay awake as long as I could, because it just continued every time I feel asleep. Or slipped back into the state I was in and the experience, in which I see a lot of people as if they were lying on slabs, and stacked on top of and next to each other in very structured formations, with a certain number in each ‘block’ (with a bit of space in-between each and wider ‘passages between each block of them). They weren’t ‘dead’, but not moving at all and not conscious.

I then see a rectangular shaped form – like a ‘bar’ for each one of them, being stacked inside my mind or consciousness, in the same organised formation (similar to how gold bars would be stacked and kept in order).

It feels as if this is causing an extreme overload to my system, and it makes me feel desperate and claustrophobic and as if I cant get enough air. It feels as if something is getting way too compressed inside of me, which causes a lot of pains.

I then begin thinking and sort of ‘hearing’ the word ‘nuclear plant’ and get feelings that ‘this is like a nuclear plant’. But it is not in atom power normal terms, and not about ‘energy’, but it is connected to each of the ‘bars’, and each one of them feels like a ‘nucleus’.

I am still only slightly awake during this, and fall asleep again, and then wake up my mind full of this and then thought of nucleus meaning ‘core’. And felt that I had maybe been connected somehow to the ‘core’ of all these people (who I presume are splits and (or) the people in my research group).

This is obviously not something I have done myself or by ‘conscious choice’, it is being done to me and (probably) without my conscious knowledge about it, I feel – this is something that is begin installed in me by others and while I am also in an unconscious state, I feel.

(As I type this, I see a brain scanner machine and feel strong fear, which I always do when I see those being used in films. I know that my brain was scanned once I was in a coma when I was young, and I have always felt that I ‘would rather die than ever be put though that again’. Even though I have no recollection of it happening. Right now it feels as if it could be connected to ‘this’).

I see myself also lying on slab in the same way as all the others, unconscious, and also being installed inside my own consciousness in the same way as them, and in the same very organised and ‘numbered’ block system (which is ‘corresponding to…..’the real ones’)

(It has gotten increasingly more difficult to type this, and my mouth is dry, my vision is blurred, I have gotten strong nausea and my computer is working extremely slowly as if each letter has to be forced out of the keyboard and onto the screen).

I do the intro sentence of this focus (which I haven’t been able to do for some time since I first worked with it), and the whole experience come up again much stronger now, I am also fully awake now. I read the second intro paragraph:

“It is my intention to absolutely become aware of all simulation components, all script parts, all software, all data and all data structures that are contributing to myself specifically because I am accessing, investigating and trying to become aware of everything that defines and or contributes to myself and I particularly want to become aware of absolutely anything that in the last 30 minutes has contributed to efforts to make it more difficult for me to do what I am trying to do as I read this paragraph . . . “

– and get strong cramps inside of the brain and my head and upper body moves uncontrolled, and I see myself and all the others, lying there in some huge laboratory like setting, which is very white and clinical and full of technologies and cords and tubes and monitors and drip IVs, and it all has a ‘subtle’ look and feeling to it.

And it now looks as if the whole structure of all the stacked nucleus bars is some kind of ‘subtle impression’ – or maybe ‘upload’/’download’ (?) put into my own mind – to connect me to all these other people.

I am ‘unconscious’ in the images and experience, but it is not like ‘me’ as the ‘whole of me’, I feel. It is more like some kind of (slightly ‘translucent’ – whihc I take means ‘subtle’) part of ‘myself’ or a ‘copy’? and of all of us. And I feel it as if we are all moving around and living somewhere else, outside of this.

—

It kept getting even more difficult to type this, even though I had made some notes, but it feels as if every letter takes immense strength and will power to type and my mind has turned into a blurry soup. It feels as if there is masses of something trying to not have me ‘see’ or feel any of this stuff.

I very rarely have nose bleeds, but I have had three this week, the worst one ever last night, where blood kept building up in my nostril and then flowing and streaming out the nose. And it now feels as if it is maybe related to the ‘compression’ and the ‘overload’ I felt around all this. I have had the same feelings in the nose from when I started writing this, as if blood could start pouring out any minute.

It was my intention to try to do some of the actual focus, but I am not sure I will be able to right now. Right when I wrote that some kind of machine began making deep rumbling noises somewhere in the building,sending vibrations though the whole building here, whihc triggered strong fear and feelings as if ‘the machinery monitoring me started one of its processes’, ‘on schedule’.

4th Attempt
Practice – still going thru a series of DDS that included the rotating all over the body aches/ tweaks/sharp pains take care walking, pinched feet, and very obviously recognized it as a diversion. Also – throw in a few freak accidents while walking. The less attention I tried to allow myself to have to this, the more they ramped it up and added looping thoughts about health concerns. Visual – I see a large plastic model of the human model with sticky note arrows point to various joints and muscles – like try this, then that to slow them down.

Jump to 3 – feels like a strong attempt ( technical issues, low battery, no service, etc.) to keep me away from electronics, and the computer as a means of preventing me to reading, typing comments – despite the fact that I have printed out the exercise and take hand notes and work on this often. Visual – I feel like I am riding a bull in a rodeo and they are trying to tame me with a whip. I don’t want to be the bull and I don’t want to ride the bull – and this is quite the hassle.

Visual – I am standing next to a stream of water in a beautiful outdoor environment. Thousands of yellow plastic rubber ducks are floating down the stream. They float in perfect formation – a little too perfect. Not one crashes into the other, tips over, goes backward, or gets tangled on a single rock or plant or bend in the stream. I think about what scientists say about how birds fly in perfect formation and never crash into each other. On the other hand, birds crash into windows all the time – was something missing in this calculation? Birds have very good eyesight and can fly thru a 2” opening between branches on trees so I wonder about the glass.

4 – Negative Influences – people ask me a lot of questions – like I am a walking encyclopedia. And I do try to answer or help them. I have been called a “go to person”. I used to think this was a compliment. It is now becoming very distracting, time consuming, draining, and I feel like I am responsible for their memory. Once I remind them of the answer – they say – “oh yeah – I remember”. This feels alot like some type of previous EAAS job assignment.

5A – I grew up in an ideal family environment with many happy memories. I connect to many years of dreams about my parents that are significantly distorted/opposite from how my parents really acted. For example- my mother was very supportive and loving and my dreams of my mother were all very abusive/con artist, being beaten and yelled at. My father was strong, educated, sense of humor, and took charge. My dreams of him show him as a victim, weak, and disorganized. These dreams were very disturbing and have, beyond my control, shaped my opinions of my parents. Going forward in life – I now have attracted / been assigned current family members with characteristics of the negative parent types from my dreams = in men (father) and children (mother). It is the single most painful factor of my current life.

5B – I know Matt said I was mis-interpreting this section but I still get similar connections – must be stoic, don’t show emotions don’t complain – suck it up – it can always be worse. Look proper, set a good example, and keep quiet. Unfortunately some of this could represent me as the subservient woman/slave implant type – which is what I have now in my daily life and am significantly rebelling and fighting back.

C- proxy/stand in = “X” is any history of any significant other in my life – just repeats over and over

When I was a child one of my ‘pastimes’ was to smash up old toys that I no longed liked / wanted. One day I got my hands on a ‘hammer’ which I was using to smash some of my toy cars with, when I came across a AA battery. I thought it’d be ‘fun’ to smash up this battery, which I started to do when the battery ‘split’ and the acid within it was projected straight up and into my eyes.

This has caused me permanent eye damage : I have small dots, squiggles and lines where i’m ‘blind’ and there’s a ‘blurriness’ to my vision, but despite this my vision is actually quite good and this doesn’t ‘really’ impact my ability to see.

I’ve started to explore this and it seems to be representative of efforts made to erode / F up my ‘awareness’ and ability to ‘see’ in a perceptual sense (I see too much?). This seems to ‘tie in’ with me being head / thinking focused and with a lot of ‘me’ being blocked out or difficult to access / become aware of.

There also seems to be a lot of ‘trauma’ associated with this which I don’t remember experiencing when it happened.

Trent, this incident likely represents some ‘shutdown’ effort and possibly self done. If you are ‘infiltrating’ another culture then you don’t want to show ‘awareness’ of even being PERCEPTIVE of certain things. In which case you may disable certain enhancements to avoid giving any sub conscious ‘tells’!!!!

I’m getting the impression that my ‘guides’ or the like may have put things in place to block, negate and counter a lot of ‘shit’ related to this ‘vision’ issue – which would explain why it remained undetected / ignored for so long.

Since starting to explore this issue my vision has ‘worsened’ slightly, especially in ‘blurriness’ terms, and I remember 1-2 years ago i’d have these ‘brief moments’ every now and then where my vision would become ‘a lot’ more blurry before it’d ‘bring itself back into focus’ – I remember having the impression back then that my eyesight was probably worse than I was experiencing it as, and that something may have been done to me to improve things in this regard (though i’m not getting the feeling that this ties in with ‘physical enhancement’ lines). I was also having some issues earlier today with ‘reading’ being more difficult as a result of this, which is ‘unusual’ / not something I usually experience.

I’m also experiencing pain behind and around my eyes which then moves upward into my forehead / third eye area, before it branches out (more weakly) to other areas of my head – so this might also tie in with my ‘headache / migraine’ issue.

It seems like the above suggests that your team have cleared this ‘negating’ shit and are now able to explore the issues to figure it all out.
–

I had a brief moment yesterday (when exploring the issue) where I became aware of an ‘area’ of my own ‘awareness’ – slightly above my head and to the front – this square ‘space’ (which then connected into / is a part of my ‘awareness’ as a whole) suddenly appeared / was ‘turned on’ and I was quite surprised in the sense of ‘I didn’t know that was there’. I was getting the impression that this ‘space’ was related to ‘clear thinking / perceiving’ and it was way ‘above’ (in ‘quality’ terms) my current ‘thinking’ abilities. This didn’t remain for long (maybe 10-15 seconds) before it ‘disappeared’ / was blocked out again, so this is likely what was ‘targeted’ in terms of ‘blinding me’.

I’ve noticed that when working with exercises (this also happens throughout my day) i’ll be having different emotions and feelings ‘triggered’ – but I will ‘automatically’ block these out and shut them down, which makes ‘exploring’ things in this way very difficult.

I’ve been observing this happening and I noticed that there seems to be a ‘threshold’ to what i’ll allow / deny – and this seems to be be operating / maintained ‘automatically’.

This ‘threshold’ is set very low – basically if the arising feeling / emotion / trauma is ‘intense’ enough that it’d orient me away from what i’m currently ‘thinking about / focusing on’ then it gets ‘blocked’ in a way that, instead of allowing it at a level that’s below the threshold, it gets shut down ‘completely’.

As soon as I became aware of this threshold I mentioned it to your ‘team’, and since then the majority of the emotions / feelings / trauma investigations that are coming up are hitting this threshold but aren’t exceeding it (so they’re ‘allowed’).

I thought this might be of use to anyone else experiencing themselves ‘blocking out’ feelings / emotions / etc.

I’ve been perceiving that this exercise has a different ‘vibe’ to it than others on the site. With the others I get a ‘murky / muddy / disharmonious’ type ‘feel’ from them (and now that I think about it, this ties in with them being difficult to read, etc) , but this one had a more ‘upbeat’ , positive and ‘clearer-thinking’ vibe to it. It has felt a lot easier to read and work with than the others.

I had this on my mind when I started to work with the exercise earlier, and became ‘distracted’ by focusing on it. I wanted to know what this feeling / vibe ‘represented’ , when I was then presented with a yellow ‘smiley face’ ..

Within a few seconds of seeing this, I realized that the ‘vibe’ I was perceiving was an illusion / facade / manipulation , and I was then able to see ‘beyond’ this (I was able to have it not effect me / be heavily reduced in effect since I realized it was bullshit).

This doesn’t feel like it’s something ‘unique’ to me / my experience, and instead feels like it’s been ’embedded’ within the page / exercise itself. It feels like a ‘smokescreen’ of sorts – an ‘overlay’ which presents something other than what the content ‘actually’ is – with the aim of manipulating perception of the content, and likely influencing the ‘state of mind / thinking / perception / awareness’ of the user, perhaps to sabotage their ability to become aware of more ‘worrying’ areas of the sim.

I get these ‘vibes / feelings’ with a lot of things in life, but they’re perhaps most ‘noticeable’ to me when reading what people have written online (web pages, comments, etc). A few days ago I was reading through some comments on a youtube video and there was one comment which ‘stood out’ to me in that it had a terribly ‘jarring / disharmonious / difficult to read’ type vibe to it – I mention this to suggests that perhaps the usage of such ‘overlays’ is a wide-spread tactic to manipulate / manage peoples’ perceptions ?

I feel like what I wrote about in my above comment may be something I worked on / knew about as part of my work on the EAAS project.

If I was developing ‘security’ systems then ‘perhaps’ this would require an understanding of the mind / perceptions / awareness / etc so that I / we could then develop strategies ‘against’ worrying aspects of these.

I do have an interest in these areas (the mind / perception / etc) and I find it very difficult to express / talk about this with others. This would also ‘tie in’ with some of my comments here – the ‘manipulation present in advertising’ comment , and some of my ‘meditation’ experiences where I was observing / analysing my thoughts / feelings / etc to then go ‘beyond’ these into ‘deeper states’ of ‘meditation’.

Trent – I sometimes can ‘feel’ what you’re trying to say and convey and wish we could talk more at length about your observations.

Re your comment about advertising – I’ve been wanting to share some research about ‘persuasion’ in advertising with you ever since you posted that comment, so I’m glad you brought it up again.

The persuasion of advertising can be described as attempting to follow one of two “routes” of persuasion, according to the Elaboration Likelihood Model, which states,

“that there are two “routes” to persuasion: central and peripheral.

The central route to persuasion consists of thoughtful consideration of the arguments (ideas, content) of the message. When a receiver is doing central processing, he or she is being an active participant in the process of persuasion. Central processing has two prerequisites: It can only occur when the receiver has both the motivation and the ability to think about the message and its topic. If the listener doesn’t care about the topic of the persuasive message, he or she will almost certainly lack the motivation to do central processing. On the other hand, if the listener is distracted or has trouble understanding the message, he or she will lack the ability to do central processing.

The peripheral route to persuasion occurs when the listener decides whether to agree with the message based on other cues besides the strength of the arguments or ideas in the message. For example, a listener may decide to agree with a message because the source appears to be an expert, or is attractive. The peripheral route also occurs when a listener is persuaded because he or she notices that a message has many arguments — but lacks the ability or motivation to think about them individually. In other words, peripheral cues, like source expertise (credibility) or many arguments in one message, are a short-cut. I don’t want to or can’t think carefully about the ideas in this persuasive message, but it is a fair gamble to go ahead agree with the message if the source appears to be knowledgeable or if there are many arguments in support of the message.

This [peripheral] route occurs when the auditor is unable or unwilling to engage in much thought on the message. Receivers engaged in peripheral processing are more passive than those doing central processing.

Why does it matter which “route” an audience member takes when hearing or watching or reading a persuasive message? A key prediction of the ELM is that attitudes which are changed through the central route to persuasion will have different effects from attitudes changed via the peripheral route. Petty and Cacioppo explain that “Attitude changes that result mostly from processing issue-relevant arguments (central route) will show greater temporal persistence, greater prediction of behavior, and greater resistance to counter persuasion than attitude changes that result mostly from peripheral cues” (Petty & Cacioppo, 1986a, p. 21). It should be obvious that these are important outcomes: Surely in most cases, persuaders would very much want to know how to make attitude change last longer, have a greater influence on behavior, and be more resistant to change. However, even though central processing has advantages, receivers do not always oblige us by having the motivation and ability to think about the message. We need to understand both of these processes of persuasion because both of them occur in receivers.”

—

To me, this research points to how hard it is to access our real selves, to think deeply, to self-examine, to know ‘oneself’ and make decisions based on our own inner self knowledge. Also, it suggests that changes made due to the central route of processing are “long lasting”, while changes due to the peripheral route are more mutable.

So I’m interested whether after reading about the different ‘types’ of persuasion being used in advertising, if you begin to notice if there is anything you are being blocked from even “seeing” in the first place, versus what you “notice” yet then “notice yourself tuning out” regarding these message. Does that give you any insights into your past work in the original space?

It seems to me that central v peripheral route processing would have some relationship to “management” that would not allow certain messages to reach any level of decent consideration, because that would be too ‘worrying’. Thus some people who may consider themselves deep thinkers or intellectually competent may be “conveniently” given “rules of thumb” or other “tools” or “beliefs” (including discrediting the person conveying the information) to ensure certain information is processed via the “peripheral route”. This would keep them from properly considering information that would be “dangerous”.

“To me, this research points to how hard it is to access our real selves, to think deeply, to self-examine, to know ‘oneself’ and make decisions based on our own inner self knowledge. “

There is a massive built in bias to ‘lock’ the above, to prevent any ‘real’ or sustained self exploration. The only reason I’m where I am now is I’ve been doing this and often in a directed fashion daily for 35 years. Everyone is kept aligned to ‘surface’ views & platitudes, ‘NOTHING’ encourages self examination and all pseudo-self examination ‘lines’ are pre-defined – i.e. ‘meditation’ which ‘disturbingly’ lead to pre-defined ‘insights’ . . . courtesy of scripted group implants and or drone shit, never mind sim software having it’s own ‘keep everyone disengaged from EVERYTHING’ agenda . . .

TrentApril 28, 2016 @ 3:53 am

Hey Nyssa,

“I sometimes can ‘feel’ what you’re trying to say”

Something ‘interesting’ which has started happening within the last week or so: When I hear people ‘talking’ (whether it be in person, on tv, etc) i’m able to internally ‘see’ some very vague ‘imagery’ – and if i’m looking at the person who is talking, then this seems to ‘appear’ around and above their heads (though i’m still seeing it ‘internally’ – it isn’t quite an ‘overlay’ to my physical vision) – the imagery seems to be perhaps a ‘visual representation ?’ of the concept / idea / information that that person is actually trying to talk about / share / convey.

I was just thinking about the above, and how this hasn’t really ‘caught on / isn’t happening’ with writing / text .. but I am getting ‘feelings / impressions’ from text about the person who wrote it, and perhaps how they were ‘feeling’ when they wrote it .. so I ‘should’ be able to follow this thread to then sense / perceive the actual concepts / ideas / etc that they were perceiving / connecting to when they wrote what they wrote.

It’s interesting how your comment led me to realizing this – thanks.

This also shows how much my awareness and ‘subtle awareness’ has be F** with.

–

I saw a ‘ridiculous’ advert on tv a few days ago. It begins with a white male standing at the front of a house, wearing nothing but his underwear. He starts to use what seemed to be ‘Tai Chi’ movements / techniques. A voice-over begins: “Get away from your WEIRD NEIGHBOURS …” – The scene then cuts to a ‘4WD’ driving through a ‘forest’ type area, and the voice-over continues “… with a ‘blah-blah whatever the ‘model’ of the car they were trying to sell was’ “.

So from what I understand, ‘Tai Chi / Martial Arts’ are ‘supposed’ to be about becoming more aware of your body, and this ‘could / should’ lead to you becoming more aware of yourself.. so this ad seemed too ‘obvious’ in that it was presenting / reinforcing a ‘stigma’ against people who engage in such practices.

“Don’t try to think or become more aware .. just give us your money!!!” .

–

When I notice these ‘manipulation attempts’ in advertising / other areas then I keep these ‘distant / blocked out’ since I DON’T want to be influenced by them .. it would perhaps make more sense to ‘allow’ such things to influence me so that I can then explore them, and especially any ‘shit’ which might be applied to / used against me as part of these .. thanks again.

Trent

NyssaApril 29, 2016 @ 6:08 pm

Trent – aha The Tai Chi example commercial that you ‘noticed’ is rather ‘coincidental’ re: your eastern meditation theme, wouldn’t you think? I’ve noticed this place can mirror back to us specific things for us to contemplate. How did it feel when you saw the Tai Chi practitioner “ridiculed”?

The type of marketing you reference above uses “group inclusion / exclusion” as its primary method, which can take several forms. “Be like us / join our group [cool, savvy, smart] by buying this product,” or “Show you’re not like them [stupid, weird, ugly] by buying this product.” Essentially, it’s an overt appeal to join a ‘group’ or NOT join a group.

Seeing this grouping / ungrouping concept in play in marketing is a ‘surface’ look at what really happens in life, which we can observe by looking at human behavior and attitudes, plus Clive has mentioned there are implants that align social groups collectively.

A few of my own examples of being looped into / pushed out of groups:

Energetically, I’ve felt myself being ‘looped’ into an online group a couple years ago, which felt safe and inclusive at the time. It ended with an experience very similar to what I describe in the next paragraph.

I’ve connected to a memory a few months ago (using one of these exercises) of having an implant roughly pulled out of me as I was ‘excommunicated’ from some culture. It was quite jarring so I haven’t been able to explore it more in depth yet, but the feeling of it was that I exhibited independent thought and angered the collective’s leadership, so I was forcibly pushed out, with the implant removal being done harshly, feeling like the procedure exhibited more care for the integrity of the implant being removed than for my own well-being. I was left exposed and battered by extremes of some sort that the “collective” or the “collective’s implants” had somehow buffered, which forced me to figure out how to live independently without that buffering (which it felt like I did and in the process learned it was healthier). I’m not sure yet what was being buffered. I wasn’t able to sense the culture so I use the phrase “excommunicate” loosely as a “feeling”, not necessarily in reference to a Christian culture, although it’s possible.

Another example (in “real’ ie “here” life): One time I brought a teeshirt of a local sports team as a token gift for a family member I was visiting in another part of the country. He has no interest in sports, and never wears sports-team related attire, but wore the shirt in a gesture of good will when we took an outing to a local park. He proceeded to be peppered with questions, jibes and invitations to “talk sports” by other parkgoers (possibly prompted by the fact it was an out-of-state sports team) as we enjoyed our outing. He eventually turned to me with a pale look on his face and said, “This is why I don’t wear sports-team-related attire! They think I’m a ___ fan! I don’t know anything about this. I don’t know how to respond to these questions.” Wearing the teeshirt was displaying he was part of a “group” but he didn’t know social norms of that group and thus felt at odds with the “culture” that he was temporarily looped into (plus the fact he was suddenly in an “opposing” group to the local sports team fans!), creating a deep discomfort for him. I’d think this could likely play out in “large scale terms” with people being born into the wrong cultures, as evidenced by how some people feel completely ‘at odds’ with the families / societies they live in, (and then because of the improper grouping are forced into age-old conflicts with other groups that feel completely irrelevant and disorienting to them).

Anyone who wants to ‘play around’ with this idea, try wearing an outfit you wouldn’t normally wear to a public place, and see how it feels / how you are treated / what it unlocks for you/how you act or are ‘allowed’ to act. It could get ‘weird’ but the effects wear off especially if you see it as an ‘experiment’ and thus ‘low-risk’. Clothing feels like an “avatar” to me and I can sense being ‘labeled’ as “this” or “that” depending on what I wear – and have been treated in all sorts of ways depending on what I wear. It’s an interesting experience.

I found a research article on people using brands to differentiate themselves for self-esteem reasons if you want to dig a little deeper into this (Using Differentiated Brands to Deflect Exclusion and Protect Inclusion: The Moderating Role of Self-Esteem on Attachment to Differentiated Brands, link opens as a .pdf). There’s lots of research in this area if it interests you and you want to dig in more deeply to see what it uncovers for you.

Going beyond the ‘marketing” angle, the research article has some interesting insights about how people act regarding being included / excluded from a group.

—

re: the expanded communication you’re experiencing. That’s very cool. I have sensed “attributes” of people as I speak with them or when I lay my attention on them, which help me understand the person or what’s happening with them (I’ve sensed all sorts of attributes, from nature spaces like meadows or lakes, to animal or mechanical qualities, to spices/flavors/scents and so on). The ability goes up and down – lately it feels plugged up in this Christian VR stuff I seem to be in. But at least I can ‘understand’ it and have an idea of what I’m capable of and thus can work back towards when things feel bleak. I’ll try to sense the imagery communication stuff you’re picking up now – thanks for sharing.

MattApril 26, 2016 @ 11:16 pm

Hi Trent,

When I came back across your comment today, I was nudged to re read it and immediately got something about ‘Eastern meditation’ for you specifically.

If you’re simulating someone who is originally from an East Asian/ Oriental race, it feels possible you’d have had firsthand knowledge of these areas and used them in your work for EAAS.

In thinking about this further, it feels possible that they’d have integrated ‘cultural’ trends and templates in Western culture – such as the movement to take up ‘eastern practices’ such as meditation – into the management, especially towards the end of the simulation cycle.

So as far as cultural trends, we’ve had in the West (I think) Chinese and Japanese cultural practices (for example) coming into the mainstream and even being used for things like ‘corporate’ retreats, or I have seen some companies have even adopted a Japanese style of ‘early morning stretching’ routines. And many other ‘meditation’ or ‘focus’ oriented strategies.

. . .

So I was just thinking that down the line / as we open more it may be useful to start thinking about how you could ‘link up’ ostensibly ‘therapeutic’ practices with thinking management. I was made to be VERY interested / into ‘Zen’ meditation and had this introduced by my Chinese language teacher from Taiwan and it’s all about having ‘nothing’ in your head.

AHAhahha, so I am thinking now: hmm, what ‘clever’ management scheme / system WOULDN’T want to have it’s ‘worrying’ people lost in meditations and systems that are about ‘nothingness’ / no thinking??

I mean you’d probably have gotten a ‘gold star’ for ANY work you did which helped tie in the management of ‘worrying’ (to the sim) thinkers with eastern meditation (or other similar) practices?

So I’m thinking about this and it seems like a strong strategy for open / inquiring searching type thinkers to attract them to this:

developing ‘security’ systems then ‘perhaps’ this would require an understanding of the mind / perceptions / awareness / etc so that I / we could then develop strategies ‘against’ worrying aspects of these.

For me specifically, I’ve got this in my ‘script’ – the China world / Chinese culture incarnations. But I wonder if this is necessarily the case for ‘everyone’ that are now using eastern practices and even for those who aren’t if the ‘attitudes’ or ‘states’ or ‘spiritual / thinking orientations and alignments’ could have been co-opted as part of the ‘disengage thinking’ software approaches for EAAS . . . ?

So another interesting area to think about going down the line I think !!!

TrentApril 27, 2016 @ 4:52 am

Hey Matt,

Some ‘Eastern’ stuff has been coming up lately.

I have a ‘dog’ and he’ll nearly always sit / lay in ways that are weird / strange / uncomfortable-looking. I’ve been noticing this for quite a while, but recently i’ve realized that I can feel / sense/ intuit that specific areas of his body are ‘responsible’ for these weird poses (though these are likely ‘subtle’ issues which are being ‘expressed / shown / represented’ physically). I seem to be able to locate very specific ‘points’ on his body, and will then give him a light ‘massage’ where i’ll rub my hands along his body toward, over and around these points. He’ll quite quickly ‘chill out’ and get into a way more relaxed pose once I start doing this. So this has sparked an interest in massage, acupressure and acupuncture.

I’ve also started to ‘intuitively’ express what seems to be a ‘Martial Art’. This is soft / slow/ ‘internal’ – rather than being about ‘fighting’ (though it can be used in this way) it seems to be more about ‘awareness’ – becoming more aware of my body, posture, movement, positioning etc and how I can ‘interact’ with my surroundings.

Trent

TrentApril 29, 2016 @ 12:28 pm

Hey Clive,

I was working with ‘Human Implants Exploration EXERCISE-5’ this morning, when I realized that these ‘martial art’ experiences could have originated from such ‘physical enhancements’. I made some ‘modifications’ to the exercise so that I could use it to target these enhancements rather than ‘musical’ ones.

I didn’t ‘see’ anything of these components, but had a strong urge to go and practice / express this ‘martial art’ – which I did for around 30 minutes before I sat down to try and think about this.

The experience of ‘practicing’ this feels as if i’m ‘teaching myself’ this ‘style’ – this ‘system’ of martial art seems to be ‘pre-defined’ and feels as if the information is being ‘fed’ into my conscious awareness. I wouldn’t be surprised if there is an AI integrated into this technology which is ‘guiding’ the process in some way.

It also feels like I have ‘VR’ martial art experiences, and as I was thinking about this a ‘voice’ in my head was saying “sim project” – not sure if this is the EAAS or something else.

Another ‘voice’ kept saying “Dim Mak” – when I looked this up it seems to be a Chinese martial art style based on striking ‘acupuncture points’ on the body to disable opponents, so perhaps both things I mentioned in my above comment are directly related / connected.

From the little I read about ‘Dim Mak’ it seems that they’re using fingers and thumbs to strike these very specific ‘points’ of the body – which would perhaps make sense if you’re a ‘crab-person’ fighting against other crab-people.

–

It seems that I pissed something off in exploring these areas, as my computer froze and crashed a few times throughout the morning, and I spilt a full cup of coffee over my desk – I had the distinct feeling that I was being F’d with.

It seems like I have a lot to ‘explore’ here , so if I come across anything ‘relevant’ i’ll let you know.

Hi Trent, if I remember correctly the other ‘main’ person that worked in the EAAS security department (that I know of) was also of ‘oriental’ origin and was also involved in ‘oriental’ practices (which I cannot remember by name now) so I’m pretty sure that you are both from the same ‘team’ / from the same culture.

NyssaApril 26, 2016 @ 9:34 pm

MARTIAL ARTS VR EXPERIENCE

I started this exercise again while at the martial arts training facility a few weeks ago, while waiting for my child’s class to finish. I only used the first sentence of the exercise.

I stated the first sentence of Section 1: “I remotely engage with absolutely everything that defines or contributes to absolutely anything of myself AS I AM NOW . . .” and noticed pressure between my eyes. In my third eye, I could sense a martial arts training VR, and could watch avatars train in my inner view.

My heart region felt energized, and when I moved my attention to my chest, I felt great trauma – heard inner screaming and felt deep anguish, and could view images of the agony of hand to hand combat using the martial arts.

I continued to use my intent / attention to scan and search my body and found some type of cultural programming regarding discipline and suppression of sexuality and related programming in the sacral region. It felt like my limbs were wired with some type of technology that seem to control and facilitate martial arts skills, like a robotic wireframe inside my bones and muscles. The back of my neck felt like it had programming as a center control center – I “felt” like a warrior with associated mentality, determination and mindset when I engaged with that region.

The top of my head felt like it had a massive tube coming out of it and as my attention roamed over the “real” people training here at the facility, I sensed similar tubes coming out of their heads too, and the room took on a wireframe feel to it, like I was seeing the wireframe architecture for a holodeck. I’ve sensed this head-tube in multiple situations and it feels to me as related to population control in some fashion; various military helmets had plumes or spikes on their helmets, which, to me, suggests a physical representation of this tube. (These ornate helmet styles seem to have disappeared in this age of modern warfare and digital connectiveness.)

I then turned my attention to my back and felt something massive that spread out on a lateral plane to either side. When I turned my attention to the students training nearby, I sensed fragments of a lateral plane extending from everyone’s backs as well; yet it didn’t feel like it exists on the same “view” as the head tubes and the wireframe view.. More like I was seeing it as a representation of what was allowing them to access this martial arts VR perhaps?

In the past, I’ve connected to an experience of being in a facility where I and hundreds of others were attached to walls by being half- immersed in some type of “plane of potentiality” which seems to facilitate accessing group dreaming/VR experiences. As I continued to focus on the students and the lateral plane “fragment” on each of our backs, I saw an overlay of one of these VR “access” rooms (which looks like hundreds of people line the walls and seems to ‘dream’ together).

I returned my attention to the back of my neck and the feeling had changed. Now I heard inner screaming and could feel trauma streaming from the region in my neck where I’d sensed the central programming .. This trauma felt related to “being controlled” and having to follow these commands and programming.

My child’s class ended so I ended this exploration of the martial arts VR.

“In the past, I’ve connected to an experience of being in a facility where I and hundreds of others were attached to walls by being half- immersed in some type of “plane of potentiality” which seems to facilitate accessing group dreaming/VR experiences.”

This is likely some ‘group’ that is possibly alleging the use of ‘collective consciousness / unconsciousness’ to ‘align’ everyone in the same way / to the same directives!!! Again, peoples / we seem to be back to engaging with deeper / maybe more complicated / distributed debilitating issues now!!

In re-reading your comment, at ‘Zen meditation’ I see what seems to be a ‘template’ of sorts – human shaped, about 10% larger than my body, and it’s a white / very, very light grey colour.

I get the impression that this would be ‘applied’ to the practitioner and would then orient their thinking / perceptions / awareness / etc to become ‘in sync’ with the pre-defined parameters that this ‘template’ had been programmed with.

I can sense how this template could be useful to some people, but personally it feels incredibly ‘restrictive’ in the sense that it could be way broader and deeper in scope (not so limited / contained to a very specific ‘state’).

A thought comes in to my mind that i’d have to find a way to make significant ‘edits / modifications’ to the template for it to be ‘useful’ to me – which I find ‘interesting’ – not sure if this is VR, drone or ‘sim’ shit that i’m connecting to here.

I’ve been feeling a lot of thickness/resistance to trying an exercise again after how hard last week was (thank you for the update Clive, and since then, every attempt has felt exhausting / blocked / resistant, / painful, but decided to “just give it one more try” today.
—
First, an overview of the attempt early this week (I got through part of section 1):
I felt a huge amount of resistance, and then felt my eyes acting like hard drive heads again, searching for data. This time, the phrase “all data of all types and their locations” jumped out at me, like I’d never seen that phrase before. I noticed that it felt like I was searching for data all over my body, and then particularly centered on searching for data via my ‘remote viewing/tech eye”.

Suddenly my left tech eye began to hurt painfully. I switched to looking for /engaging with security that had activated, and it looked like a giant needle was aimed directly at my left eye. My face felt thick and full, like it was covered with a painful mask, and as I continued to engage with security, I saw dozens of these giant needles aimed at my face, and it reminded me of giant acupuncture needles driving towards me. I felt into what this security was and connected to ideas of “Targeted Attack” and “Targeted Disablement” and vague ideas that these pinpoint key disabling points, somewhat like how acupuncture works on disabling and redirecting energy flow.

The pain in my left eye continued for a day or two, and I felt shut down and unable to reengage with the exercise.
—
Today’s attempt began with an immediate presentation of some of the security stuff I’ve already experienced – the pain in ears, the sacral energies being ported from others. So I jumped to Section 3, which focuses on ‘put-offs’ and continued to Section 4 to deal with the experience some of the energetic stuff that was presented as “representing other people’s feelings about /attraction to me” (very odd experience and hard to adequately describe).

The phrase “distant from the simulation structure” at first slipped by almost unnoticed so I moved back to feel into it. I sensed an orb of some sort, distant from the main system it seemed, that seemed to ping and influence the system. I sensed a section inside the orb devoted to me, like a part that controls “my” experience and outcome. This section devoted to “me” was represented in a conical shape with a spiral encircling it all the way to the top. I saw a vast field of these conical pyramids with various connections and connectors between and amongst them. A silvery wave of some type was next to mine – I flowed inside it to learn about the wave and it feels like the silvery exterior is covered in something like “scales” that move up one side and then down part of the other side and then move into the cone. The entire place feels like a factory – conveyor belts and small bots moving around inside the cone, methodically sorting and shuffling and moving boxes and bits of this or that around. The cones seemed like part of a factory somehow because it was operated in great efficiency and there seemed to be a great amount of work being produced and measured, but I couldn’t tell what was being manufactured. In a way, it felt more like a central control center.

I couldn’t engage with the other conical pyramids or the rest of the image at this point. fyi, I saw a massive amount of imagery in vague bits and pieces so this may not be ‘accurate’, more like a “feeling”.

I had a feeling of each person having a book of some type, like a life story or narrative?? guiding each of us. Mm and now I recall I think I saw a book overlay each conical pyramid, so it’s likely each pyramid belongs to someone.

You have ‘something’ effecting you / working on your behalf which generates sexual / attraction type stuff in others. It’s the first thing that ‘kicks in’ when I try to perceive ‘you’ / your energies / etc through comments.

Clive / Nyssa

Some ‘weirdness’ that I experienced and am not sure what to make of..

I decided to use Part 4 of this Exercise to explore the ‘sexual / attraction’ type ‘shit’ that was activating when I tried to perceive ‘Nyssa’ through her comments.

The ‘effects’ had seemed reminiscent of what one would experience as a result of ‘spells / magic’ so I started by exploring down these lines, but this didn’t feel like it was ‘right / correct’.

I switched to trying to perceive ‘anything’ which was contributing to the effects, and after a few minutes the ‘Bene Gesserit’ term came up. At around the same time I started to perceive that ‘something’ was still ‘inside’ me / effecting me in relation to the sexual / attraction stuff (those effects weren’t ‘active’ but I could feel that ‘something’ remained).

I started to explore down both of these lines when I perceived that this was some kind of ‘hijack’ attempt against me – as if Nyssa / ‘someone’ was trying to gain some level of ‘access’ to me – as I was thinking about this I got the impression that this was intended to incorporate ‘me’ into some kind of ‘network’ whereby Nyssa / ‘whoever’ would be able to access / use / benefit from my own ‘awareness / perceptions / etc’ – and as I was thinking about this my internal visual field becomes filled with these ‘female figures’ – these were basically rows upon rows of human-shaped ‘outlines’ of people who only had enough ‘definition’ to their appearance for me to identify them as ‘female’ – each of these ‘figures’ looked exactly the same as one another, and they were all just ‘standing / floating’ there looking at me.

That was all I was able to ‘get’ last night, but today i’ve been getting impressions that there is some kind of female ‘person / being’ which feels as if it’s ‘overlayed’ onto me / my experience – very weird.

Hi Trent / Nyssa, there are a lot of potential ‘out of context’ and or sabotaging / unwanted relationship / sexual attractions angles.

From my healingexamples web site there are 4 posts giving examples of these types of ‘attractions’ (which are here). Getting people involved that are not compatible and or initiating sabotaging sexual attractions for people already in a stable / good relationship will be standard operating protocol for the sim software, the drone shit although they can also be due to other types of things like subtle implants:

Thanks for this post, Trent. I appreciate the honesty of your post – not many are willing to be as straightforward and pragmatic as you appear to be. I sense you somehow understand how horrible this ‘tech/whatever’ experience is for me, and your willingness to bring it up is useful.

What you describe above fits fairly well with some of what I’ve been exploring as fundamental root cause issues of what limits and contains me. I’m often treated ‘oddly’ and feel people can’t see the real me because something interferes, and I’m often completely mis-perceived or misunderstood – I’m either avoided, not taken seriously, or have people miscontrue or misinterpret me, or see me as being something/someone I’m not. Sexuality seems to be one of the primary tactics of the ‘something’ that works to ‘hide’ the real me, and I observe all sorts of obvious machinations of people in relation to me that has always puzzled me. I don’t flirt, don’t act sexual, dress normally, but can feel others attraction (and even get honked at very often), or can feel them being repelled by me somehow. It’s weird.

After I read your comment, I could feel myself searching databases, and eventually an entire army of platoons of empty “shells” of women appeared to me. I felt myself overwhelmed with despair and despondent, feeling like the “real me” was hidden behind all these shells of women bots – that I was the lone “real” woman in millions of shells, and no one could see nor find me.

I was reminded of the research done into the Ashley Madison case (most of the so-called women on the “secret site for affair-seekers” were bots programmed by the company.)

An investigative reporter researched the code and database activity from files provided by Ashley Madison to figure out the exact action of the ‘bots’ and how deep the deception went (article here). This section of the article struck me:

“…I knew from the company emails that the engineers and managers used certain terms for the bots, including “hosts” and “engagers.” Perhaps one of the most poignant parts of reading the engineers’ comments in the code was when I uncovered a set of descriptions for how the engager bots should act. I found these in a database devoted to engager activity. Here are a few of them:

– host bot mother creates engagers

– birth has been given! let the engager find itself a man!

– randomizing start time so engagers don’t all pop up at the same time

– for every single state that has guest males, we want to have a chat engager

These comments describe a bot being born and immediately turning to its one purpose in life: finding a man. Then the developer notes that it’s important that “engagers don’t pop up at the same time.” The engager bots are basically pieces of software. They operate by inhabiting, as a demon might, previously existing fake profiles that the company calls “Angels”—these are the profiles that Ashley Madison CEO Noel Biderman was pushing his people to create at scale in internal company emails. The Angels, also called “hosts” by the company’s engineers, lay dormant until a bot animates them and uses them like a skin to contact a male user. Which is why the engineers sought ways to prevent them from all grabbing the same identity at the same time. …”

—

I just did “part 4” targeting sexual stuff like you said you did, but added in the phrase “that anyone experiences because of me” and could hardly get the words out – incredible thickness and resistance. Then later in the exercise, added in the areas relating to containments of myself and my life, adding in “in relation to others” and again, could hardly get those words out, and as I pushed through, heard “CONTAIN NYSSA. CONTAIN NYSSA.” throughout the exercise.

I also noticed myself searching vast amounts of data and particularly via my left tech /remote viewing eye that seems to be searching ‘top secret’ files.

I’ve used the first sentence of Section 1 over the past several days when experiencing some difficult stuff, and saw a “cookie cutter people” icon often. Seems this was a ‘setup’ period leading to a ‘cracking open’ of myself yesterday morning. It doesn’t make the dark times easier but seeing the icons helps me feel less alone when things feel bleak, since it gives a bit of ‘context’ especially in retrospect.

This cookie cutter icon feels similar to what I posted in Part 2 of the Negative Issues exercise in March 2016 here:
“..Felt like I was being presented with an analogy of some type regarding the programming templates. I felt something like a cookie cutter that creates the outline of a person, and in a somewhat “jig saw puzzle”-like fashion, this outline is fitted “in relation to” other people’s templates, to create a community (not always ‘fitted’ next to each other – some were holding hands, etc., but each person has a role or position). The feeling was along the lines of using an inventory of ‘what makes a community/organization/team’, creating roles /duties, then deciding on how they work in relation to each other, then placing everyone in a various starting places with a goal of shaping them to fit their assigned roles. ..”

In the ‘cracking open’ yesterday morning, I felt something crack deep inside me that opened up basic core issues stretching back to my childhood or even birth. The feeling I had was I was ‘born broken’ and when I reached this breaking point yesterday morning, I saw a wasteland of failure that threads back through my life to my earliest memories, and saw /felt all the ways I’ve failed in life because of this fundamental brokenness. The issue feels like a “family issue”- like a dysfunctional family heritage of “last minute” living and an inability to plan ahead, causing chaos and delay, littering my life with uncompleted or un-started projects and tasks, which broke peoples trust, especially my ability to trust in myself. I have lived, like my mother, in a manner that leaves things to the last minute. This limits choices and thus I feel that I live and produce far below my potential, because I generally don’t take on projects any larger than something that can be done at the last minute because anything else is subject to failure. It’s easy to ‘sugar coat’ the issue (a part of me feels it’s ‘normal’ to not be bound to duty, clocks, tasks, and productivity; I have considerable compensating abilities that hide this brokenness, such as only allowing myself to think about one small part of a project at a time, or the ability to conceive of multiple ways to ‘hack together’ a last minute solution a la the TV show character, Macgyver), but the brokenness is there, deep inside, and it haunts me as a fundamental flaw that blocks me from pursuing goals any larger than caring for my family and home, and often forces me to depend on others to compensate for me.

When this issue cracked deep inside, I had a feeling of this life being a complete waste. Unfixable at this point because it was broken from the start, and I wanted the reset button to start over. Once the crisis passed, I gave this exercise a try to see what was going on.

————————————–01 The exercise started with the icon image that looks like “cookie cutter people” described above.

As I continued Section 1, my impressions felt based on my life ‘here’. I felt a crack that opens to my core – to my childhood – like a fault line has opened. A river that flows back through my family lineage.

At the phrase “missing people” – I saw and felt robotic joints that connect people, forcing us to interact in specific ways

(My husband texted at this point and asked if we could meet for lunch to talk about an interaction he and I had the previous day that had been part of the ‘set up’ that led to yesterday’s event)

At the phrase “quality of interactions” – I felt like the conversation he and I were about to have in an hour or so would be a “regurgitation of shit”. Nothing new to say. I’m broken from my birth. At the phrases “predefining anything of myself, etc.” and “pre-defining … outcomes of any interactions I have with others” I can feel a formula of a role and life I was cast to play, like reading the setting and character descriptions of a script. The imminent conversation felt like it would be like reading the Script, not real, something along the lines of “This is where this actress has this dark scene with this actor.”

I feel trapped here in this life, like a prisoner in some type of “live action TV show” who has to play this part here. It’s a shitty part.

(Later edit: the conversation ended up going quite well and not like it ‘felt’ it was supposed to go when I did this exercise. The real convo was helpful, therapeutic, connecting, hopeful. I felt into it later and it seems like it was a rewritten interaction, one that didn’t follow the scripted lines/scripted interaction I was connecting to in this exercise.)

02 “monitoring” – I keep feeling like there’s a component that is tracking ‘everything’ here – a central database of record, that is ‘here’ not ‘out there’.. I feel like we are all wired and grounded into the earth and earth is a massive computer? It’s a very vague wispy feeling that washes in and out of my awareness ..

03 This section is really hard.

The first paragraph is jumbled and garbled. I read it 4-5 times and it feels like the words have a “security spell” on them – the words jump around into different order, or disappear, or become unreadable. I try to engage with security that could be causing it, and my thoughts and words I employ to do so become slow and thick. I then become emotionally overwhelmed through the second and third paragraph so it’s hard to tell what’s going on.

At the fourth paragraph, I had to repeat the “repeat three times” section about “monitoring, backing up and restoring” components 9-10 times before I could read it. I could barely get the words out the first several times, forcing myself to push the words out with great deliberation and concentration.

I go back to the first paragraph, and now I can read it except the phrase “life or interaction sabotaging strategies that have recently been applied to myself” is still hard to read. (note: I observe that the phrase “interaction” gives me a lot of trouble in this entire exercise, and I’m in “interaction” stuff with my husband and others right now.)

The second and third paragraphs of this section are now jumpy and garbled with the same “security spell” feeling, and then the “repeat three times” section about “monitoring, backing up and restoring” components is difficult again and takes many additional repeats until I can read it.

—

At “distant from the simulation structure,” I see an orb – it appears like the moon orbiting the planet .. transmitting to the core of the earth, and making waves crash on the shores and influencing behaviors and growth of animals and nature and people.

At “anything that ever contributed to locking, maintaining or creating absolutely anyone’s containments,” the idea of how gravity locks us firmly ‘here’ on earth comes to my awareness, including how we can’t act like our natural flowing, free subtle selves – we are bound by the laws of gravity and physics and all the other ‘natural’ laws of this place.

second read of this paragraph:

“fulfilling any aspects of the aims, objectives or priorities of the earth simulation project,” I see benchmarks and goals and measurements and ‘progress to plan’. Reports and analysis and key metrics. A vast analysis process. Measurements and measuring /monitoring devices.

“extremes” I see a pressurized container that reminds me of how an air compressor sucks in and compresses regular room air to create a pressurized air tank that can then be used to power pneumatic tools like nailers. It feels like this pressurized container could take ‘any’ amount of shit and pressurize it to make it into an extreme.

05

A) From Ancestors
I see the river again that I saw in section 1. It feels oppressive. Unstoppable. A flow that passes through my lineage through me to my kids. The feeling is that I have to play this role in the family lineage. The crack that happened yesterday morning that made me feel broken from my early childhood – from birth possibly – feels like what this life ‘is’ about – carrying on and acting out a certain trait from generation to generation. It’s not ‘my’ issue; similar to the ancient ideas of the obligations stemming from “ancestor worship” in Asian countries, I have to fulfill a birth-given duty to be flawed like this.

I then see the cookie cutter people (from Section 1 above) – it feels like I have to do this ‘work’ because it’s part of a grand plan. Like my family is creating part of a grand community plan and our ‘role’ is to continue to work on creating this particular part of it. The idea that comes to me feels somewhat like the great cathedrals that were built over centuries, and families would be responsible for certain parts of these massive projects, as a duty and birth-rite.

“Sometimes one family worked for two hundred years or more at one particular line of occupation in the same building. Thus, all the mosaic altars in the great Certosa at Pavia were built from father to son for two hundred years by the Sacchi family.”
–From The Cathedral-Builders of Mediaeval Europe

B) From ‘Cannot be allowed’ Experiences Attributes

The phrase “interactions I have absolutely anyone else” is really hard – I have to repeat 9-10 times before I can get through it.

I sense people way in the distance. They’re so far away. I sense a vast gap lies between us. I read this section again and I hear “not allowed” – “not allowed to interact .. too dangerous .. not yet .. soon .. we’re working on it .. they’ll remember you soon.” I ask what “too dangerous” means and hear “too dangerous to the sim”.

C) From ‘Missing’ People
I add in my husband’s name to the end of this section and can sense I play a role for him as his ‘wife’, that we aren’t ‘original players’. He is a good and decent man and has so much love and trauma re: love, so it’s incredibly painful that he’s playing out his trauma with me as a stand-in for the woman he holds this love trauma with. It makes me angry and confused to be forced into this part. Yet in some ways I feel honored to play this role for him because he’s such a loving decent man. It’s a very confusing feeling to be wife/not wife for him. I love him though and feel he loves me for who I am, not the role I’m playing for him, and our love now feels truly real and authentic.

I add in the name of one of the people I sense “far away” in part B above, and I feel a vast empty vacuum open up – like we ‘ARE’ original players and should be able to interact but none of the script is here, so things ‘here’ don’t make sense.

I add in the name of one of the commenters here on s-h, and it feels like our original roles were sisters or similar. The thought comforts me, because I feel great warmth towards her, and her comments resonate deeply with me.

D) From Subconscious and Subliminal contributions
At first I get nothing, so return to this section after completing the exercise. After a while I see a cookie cutter person floating in the “subconscious ocean” I’ve written about before (linked). It takes awhile but finally engage with lines that extend out from the outline of this cookie cutter person. I slowly follow the lines out and then they connect to a component that overlays on my inner screen – the same component I see in Section E below – I’ve seen it many times this past couple weeks and in many different overlays or experiences /views, sometimes watching various parts of it at work, and each time it’s persistently being labeled “Multiverse Component” for me.

E) Contributing to have me keep my shit/issues
I see a component that looks a bit like this image, but more tapered at the ends – extremely so on one end – and was positioned vertically with the very tapered part pointing down, and I hear “multiverse component”.

The back of my head / neck feels energized /pressured and I’m reminded of one of the ‘views’ I was shown of this component last week seemed to indicate it’s installed inside me, in the back of my lower head and neck, possibly extending down my spine. It feels like it creates/controls people’s experiences, and can be used independently or in conjunction with others to create shared experiences.

I tried to post this a couple days ago (Tuesday May 3) but the site froze up. Trying again:
——–
I’ve used the first sentence of Section 1 over the past several days when experiencing some difficult stuff, and saw a “cookie cutter people” icon often. Seems this was a ‘setup’ period leading to a ‘cracking open’ of myself Monday morning. It doesn’t make the dark times easier but seeing the icons helps me feel less alone when things feel bleak, since it gives a bit of ‘context’ especially in retrospect.

This cookie cutter icon feels similar to what I posted in Part 2 of the Negative Issues exercise in March 2016 here:

..Felt like I was being presented with an analogy of some type regarding the programming templates. I felt something like a cookie cutter that creates the outline of a person, and in a somewhat “jig saw puzzle”-like fashion, this outline is fitted “in relation to” other people’s templates, to create a community (not always ‘fitted’ next to each other – some were holding hands, etc., but each person has a role or position). The feeling was along the lines of using an inventory of ‘what makes a community/organization/team’, creating roles /duties, then deciding on how they work in relation to each other, then placing everyone in a various starting places with a goal of shaping them to fit their assigned roles. ..

In the ‘cracking open’ yesterday morning, I felt something crack deep inside me that opened up basic core issues stretching back to my childhood or even birth. The feeling I had was I was ‘born broken’ and when I reached this breaking point yesterday morning, I saw a wasteland of failure that threads back through my life to my earliest memories, and saw /felt all the ways I’ve failed in life because of this fundamental brokenness. The issue feels like a “family issue”- like a dysfunctional family heritage of “last minute” living and an inability to plan ahead, causing chaos and delay, littering my life with uncompleted or un-started projects and tasks, which broke peoples trust, especially my ability to trust in myself. I have lived, like my mother, in a manner that leaves things to the last minute. This limits choices and thus I feel that I live and produce far below my potential, because I generally don’t take on projects any larger than something that can be done at the last minute because anything else is subject to failure. It’s easy to ‘sugar coat’ the issue (a part of me feels it’s ‘normal’ to not be bound to duty, clocks, tasks, and productivity; I have considerable compensating abilities that hide this brokenness, such as only allowing myself to think about one small part of a project at a time, or the ability to conceive of multiple ways to ‘hack together’ a last minute solution a la the TV show character, Macgyver, and an intense work ethic that kicks in ‘in a crunch’), but the brokenness is there, deep inside, and it haunts me as a fundamental flaw that blocks me from pursuing goals any larger than caring for my family and home, and often forces me to depend on others to compensate for me.

When this issue cracked deep inside, I had a feeling of this life being a complete waste. Unfixable at this point because it was broken from the start, and I wanted the reset button to start over. Once the crisis passed, I gave this exercise a try to see what was going on.

————————————–01 The exercise started with the icon image that looks like “cookie cutter people” described above.

As I continued Section 1, my impressions felt based on my life ‘here’. I felt a crack that opens to my core – to my childhood – like a fault line has opened. A river that flows back through my family lineage.

At the phrase “missing people” – I saw and felt robotic joints that connect people, forcing us to interact in specific ways

(My husband texted at this point and asked if we could meet for lunch to talk about an interaction he and I had the previous day that had been part of the ‘set up’ that led to yesterday’s event)

At the phrase “quality of interactions” – I felt like the conversation he and I were about to have in an hour or so would be a “regurgitation of shit”. Nothing new to say. I’m broken from my birth. At the phrases “predefining anything of myself, etc.” and “pre-defining … outcomes of any interactions I have with others” I can feel a formula of a role and life I was cast to play, like reading the setting and character descriptions of a script. The imminent conversation felt like it would be like reading the Script, not real, something along the lines of “This is where this actress has this dark scene with this actor.”

I feel trapped here in this life, like a prisoner in some type of “live action TV show” who has to play this part here. It’s a shitty part.

(Later edit: the conversation ended up going quite well and not like it ‘felt’ it was supposed to go when I did this exercise. The real convo was helpful, therapeutic, connecting, hopeful. I felt into it later and it seems like it was a rewritten interaction, one that didn’t follow the scripted lines/scripted interaction I was connecting to in this exercise.)

02 “monitoring” – I keep feeling like there’s a component that is tracking ‘everything’ here – a central database of record, that is ‘here’ not ‘out there’.. I feel like we are all wired and grounded into the earth and earth is a massive computer? It’s a very vague wispy feeling that washes in and out of my awareness ..

03 This section is really hard.

The first paragraph is jumbled and garbled. I read it 4-5 times and it feels like the words have a “security spell” on them – the words jump around into different order, or disappear, or become unreadable. I try to engage with security that could be causing it, and my thoughts and words I employ to do so become slow and thick. I then become emotionally overwhelmed through the second and third paragraph so it’s hard to tell what’s going on.

At the fourth paragraph, I had to repeat the “repeat three times” section about “monitoring, backing up and restoring components” 9-10 times before I could read it. I could barely get the words out the first several times, forcing myself to push the words out with great deliberation and concentration.

I go back to the first paragraph, and now I can read it except the phrase “life or interaction sabotaging strategies that have recently been applied to myself” is still hard to read. (note: I observe that the phrase “interaction” gives me a lot of trouble in this entire exercise, and I’m exploring “interaction” stuff with my husband and others right now.)

The second and third paragraphs of this section are now jumpy and garbled with the same “security spell” feeling, and then the “monitoring, backing up and restoring components “ section is difficult again and takes many additional repeats until I can read it.

—

At “distant from the simulation structure,” I see an orb – it appears like the moon orbiting the planet .. transmitting to the core of the earth, and making waves crash on the shores and influencing behaviors and growth of animals and nature and people.

At “anything that ever contributed to locking, maintaining or creating absolutely anyone’s containments,” the idea of how gravity locks us firmly ‘here’ on earth comes to my awareness, including how we can’t act like our natural flowing, free subtle selves – we are bound by the laws of gravity and physics and all the other ‘natural’ laws of this place. The feeling is one of “we’ll be locked in as long as we are here” – the natural laws require it.

second read of this paragraph:

“fulfilling any aspects of the aims, objectives or priorities of the earth simulation project,” I see benchmarks and goals and measurements and ‘progress to plan’. Reports and analysis and key metrics. A vast analysis process. Measurements and measuring /monitoring devices.

“extremes” I see a pressurized container that reminds me of how an air compressor sucks in and compresses regular room air to create a pressurized air tank that can then be used to power pneumatic tools like nailers. It feels like this pressurized container could take ‘any’ amount of shit and pressurize it to make it into an extreme.

05

A) From Ancestors
I see the river again that I saw in section 1. It feels oppressive. Unstoppable. A flow that passes through my lineage through me to my kids. The feeling is that I have to play this role in the family lineage. The crack that happened yesterday morning that made me feel broken from my early childhood – from birth possibly – feels like what this life ‘is’ about – carrying on and acting out a certain trait from generation to generation. It’s not ‘my’ issue; similar to the ancient ideas of the obligations stemming from “ancestor worship” in Asian countries, I have to fulfill a birth-given duty to be flawed like this.

I then see the cookie cutter people (from Section 1 above) – it feels like I have to do this ‘work’ because it’s part of a grand plan. Like my family is creating part of a grand community plan and our ‘role’ is to continue to work on creating this particular part of it. This feels somewhat like for the great cathedrals that were built over centuries, families would be responsible for certain parts of these massive projects as a duty and birth-rite.

“Sometimes one family worked for two hundred years or more at one particular line of occupation in the same building. Thus, all the mosaic altars in the great Certosa at Pavia were built from father to son for two hundred years by the Sacchi family.”
–From The Cathedral-Builders of Mediaeval Europe

B) From ‘Cannot be allowed’ Experiences Attributes

The phrase “interactions I have absolutely anyone else” is really hard – I have to repeat 9-10 times before I can get through it.

I sense people way in the distance. They’re so far away. I sense a vast gap lies between us. I read this section again and I hear “not allowed” – “not allowed to interact .. too dangerous .. not yet .. soon .. we’re working on it .. they’ll remember you soon.” I ask what “too dangerous” means and hear “too dangerous to the sim”.

C) From ‘Missing’ People
I add in my husband’s name to the end of this section and can sense I play a role for him as his ‘wife’, that we aren’t ‘original players’. He is a good and decent man and has so much love and trauma re: love, so it’s incredibly painful that he’s playing out his trauma with me as a stand-in for the woman he holds this love trauma with. It makes me angry and confused to be forced into this part. Yet in some ways I feel honored to play this role for him because he’s such a loving decent man and needs someone to walk this path with him so he can deal with his trauma. It’s a very confusing feeling to be wife/not wife for him, yet I love him and feel he loves me for who I am, not the role I’m playing for him. Our love now feels truly real and authentic.

I add in the name of one of the people I sense “far away” in part B above, and I feel a vast empty vacuum open up – like we ‘ARE’ original players and should be able to interact but none of the script is here, so things ‘here’ don’t make sense.

I add in the name of one of the commenters here on s-h, and it feels like our original roles were sisters or similar. The thought comforts me, because I feel great warmth towards her, and her comments resonate deeply with me.

D) From Subconscious and Subliminal contributions
At first I get nothing, so return to this section after completing the exercise. After a while I see a cookie cutter person floating in the “subconscious ocean” I’ve written about before (linked). It takes awhile but finally engage with lines that extend out from the outline of this cookie cutter person. I slowly follow the lines out and then they connect to a component that overlays on my inner screen – the same component I see in Section E below – I’ve seen this component many times this past couple weeks and in many different overlays or experiences /views, sometimes watching various parts of it in action or being applied to people, and each time it’s persistently being labeled “Multiverse Component” for me.

E) Contributing to have me keep my shit/issues
I see a component that looks a bit like this image, but more tapered at the ends – extremely so on one end – and was positioned vertically with the very tapered part pointing down, and I hear “multiverse component”.

The back of my head / neck feels energized /pressured and I’m reminded of one of the ‘views’ I was shown of this component last week seemed to indicate it’s installed inside me, likely in the back of my lower head and neck, possibly extending down my spine. It feels like it creates/controls people’s experiences, and can be used independently or in conjunction with others to create shared experiences.

Hi Nyssa, on the ‘cracking’ . . . for VR research, as subtle beings you are likely doing this in the subtle strata. Now I’ve mentioned that AS SUBTLE BEINGS most people are 10’s of millions of years old. This is ‘true’, however the subtle strata is a faster / energetic space and is ‘running’ (in the alleged real MV outside) 15,000 times faster than the physical. So, one of the UNNOTICED bizarreness’s is that when a subtle being is interfaced to the physical its ‘consciousness / living cycles’ synchronises to the time scale of the ‘physical’. So, this essentially means that while interfaced to a physical body then 1 day as that physical person (which = 1 physical sleep cycle) is equivalent to 15,000 subtle ‘subtle’ sleep cycles (one day = about 40 subtle years).

So, it feels like you Nyssa spent most of your ‘existence’ as a subtle being. So, lets say that you’ve had 20 million years as a subtle being, this is actually equivalent to 1,333 years interfaced to a physical animal form (because they are in a much slower ‘strata’). So, if you spent say a half million years as a researcher helping to put together a VR / simulation then this ‘activity’ as a subtle being would represent about 33 years of ‘physical’ TIME in the physical.

And here we are in a simulation ‘dedicatedly’ trying to persuade everyone that they are nothing more than physical beings. In other words for you Matt, Rose and likely quite a few others interested in what I’m presenting here the sim has the impossible task of fitting in / translating 15,000 days of ‘subtle’ work into ONE SINGLE DAY AS A PHYSICAL BEING. Now, it can either have people doing 10 jobs in one and working all hours frantically (this would be one ‘screw up’ approach OR it would go the other way and end up making sure that many people just don’t have time to do or complete anything. Now, I also think that you were a ‘supervisor / manager’ and you’d have jumped in and out of ‘facilitating / advising’ for many sub projects that others would be focused on and would have ‘completed’. In the original space you’d have been acknowledged / would have had appropriate feelings of these successes. Here, it seems like the sim is taking the piss, as it seems to have made sure that the ‘timing’ difference is exacerbated and used against you. N.Tesla is/was a subtle researcher and had the same problem AND the sim basically had him running round / never stopping while making sure he didn’t get funding.

As this section began, I saw the ‘Magic Book’ again, which I wrote about here (in “Field of Prisms” section) and more extensively, here. I flowed into the Magic Book while I searched for and processed data. A collection of icons appeared, similar to what I wrote about in the second link above, regarding Matt’s personal collection of icons (which included Matt’s “Statue Icon” Clive had posted about a few months back). This particular collection feels like “my” set, but I wasn’t able to engage further at this point.

At “all variations of all data, all decision and all processing components“, I again saw the “multiverse component” that I mentioned at the bottom of this post, which has been presented to me often lately, in various composites and as VR renderings, etc., like there’s a serious exploration of this component in progress.

This time, I saw many versions of the “multiverse component” align in front of me, as in a chart, possibly representing versions or variations of the component. These versions of the “multiverse components” feel like possible hardware variations but not sure. This image is more wispy and indistinct than others I’ve seen so it feels like not a lot of data has been gathered on these versions yet.

As I finish this section, the different versions combine into one and the feeling is one of “best practices”, where the best / desired features have been incorporated into one style.

I then begin to get “odd” impressions that are hard to understand, so I move to Section 3.

Section 3
At “absolutely ANY approaches and or delivery methods that are now or that ever ‘could’ be applied to myself in the future” I see a film strip of sorts. Each image seems to be a different scene that could be played out. I watch it roll up like a roll of film and be deposited into the central part of the “multiverse component”.

At the “monitoring, backing up and restoring components” section, the image above repeats into ghost/transparent images, each one overlaying the one beneath, like “layers” in Adobe Photoshop, but revealed to me by being stacked slightly off so I can observe them.

In the last paragraph of this section, the entire layered image that I see above rolls up into a cylinder. I watch as it moves towards me and is put inside my body. I feel it enter my sacral region, like that’s a highly secured space based on how much effort was made to “hide” me behind sexual stuff, like I wrote about here, but parts of the roll extend through the core of my body and my chest/heart region.

The last sentence of “contributed to locking, maintaining and or increasing absolutely anyone’s containments, limitations, debilitations and or extremes..“, I see countless filmstrips spreading from my sacral region through my heart region and radiating out all around me. I feel like a hub. I watch as these film strips move towards couples, groups, individuals (I observe these people as outlines or representations), swirling around them and binding them like ropes, acting like living tendrils or snakes to prod and poke. I watch it with dispassionate, helpless horror at the manipulations in play. Nothing I can do about this – it happens automatically.

Section 4
I have great resistance to continue. I try out a number of phrases in this section, but phrases targeting “interactions” or “what others experience because of what I connected to in this exercise” phrases are the hardest and seem to get the most “pop”.

I now see the “multiverse component” and see the filmstrips leading away from it.

This section is incredibly hard to read.

The phrase “any limiting or containing experiences or ANYONE ELSE’s, my ears hurt with the ultrasonic programming sound, and I see the cookie cutter icon floating in the ocean (ie, “programming template being applied in the subconcious”) like I posted about earlier. I see a music note floating on the cookie cutter, which is related to the Field of Prisms (haven’t posted about this at length yet, but songs seems to be used as ‘version control’ for different VR storylines. I mention the song tagging briefly at the end of this post here, regarding a love trauma that’s been tagged with the song “Breakeven.”)

I read the final sentence of this section and see the large central prism in the Field of Prisms, then flow to a smaller prism. Hear the song “Breakeven” and then flow inside the smaller prism to watch a scene where the woman is walking away with another man, leaving her first mate brokenhearted and alone. I feel emotions that feel associated with this trauma: broken, filled with grief, confusion. My body energetically responds with sensations that feel associated with this trauma as well: my solar plexus and chest is hard, painful, clenched with a deep aching nausea; this feels related to the powerless feeling when others make choices that hurt you, choices over which you have no control. My G/I tract is responding now, which feels related to the trauma ‘processing’ itself. These sensations and feelings feel like the ‘full package’ of what this love trauma is essentially about.

I had a short window in my schedule this morning that I intended to use to catch up on some reading, but as soon as I sat down, my body was filled with complex energies and blocks, especially heart and sacral activation. Very shortly thereafter, I felt massive heart energies overload and sweep over me – like an “orgasm from heart” – presented as from the person I wrote about here (bottom of comment). So instead of reading my book, I did this exercise instead. (This happens to me often – I’ll be put into something difficult which prompts me to investigate. I almost wrote “I chose to do this exercise instead” but that wouldn’t be accurate, since it’s obvious I’m being guided to do these.)

NOTE: As section 1 progressed, the font/type of the exercise got smaller and smaller, and I began to see it in “double vision” until I could hardly read the words. It felt like the words were bewitched and had a shrinking spell on them.
—

Section 1 (only section completed)
I felt something in the back of my head /neck – different from prior experiences in these exercises. It seems to be inside the back part of my head/neck, yet also extend outwards behind me. Not feeling organic .. not feeling like tech – it felt like a “spell” perhaps??

I saw a tree emerge before me and a glowing section at the base, like it had magical properties. The image and especially the tree had a mystical feel to it

My heart region energized and my chest felt like it burst open. An image of a vast land flowed out from my chest as my body felt like I became horizonal and flattened, and I became the foundation under the land and the entire space. It was like I became a VR space perhaps.

I began to sense people in this land. In this “land” I’ve become, I watch as images of various scenes move and be applied to the people. These images seem to dictate or influence their interactions The images feel like they are from the filmstrip I wrote about here:

…I see a film strip of sorts. Each image seems to be a different scene that could be played out. I watch it roll up like a roll of film and be deposited into the central part of the “multiverse component” …

—–

The missing people section of the exercise feels robotic and formulaic.

I sense rule sets and logic sets that dictate interactions.

I sense my skin like a “container’, and I’m squeezed into this body suit which holds me in this form artificially.

—
In the section on “quality of interactions“, I observe a page that feels like a script. This page feels like it defines an interaction I just had a few minutes ago. Then several pages appear that seem to represent the available options for interactions I may have in the next few minutes or hours.

There’s a scale applied to each one of these “possible scripts”, which feels like it “measures” how well the script page achieves a goal. Since this section of the exercise is about “negativity” it feels like that what it’s measuring here but the design seems like it could be used for other end goals as well – this feels like a generic design somehow. Underneath the array of “possible scripts,” I sense one large scale which seems to collect and weigh the overall cumulative achievement of the goal.
—

At the final paragraph, it’s observably noisier around me and my schedule doesn’t allow me to continue. I sense “timelines” which feels like there are many choices available but somehow I’m limited to specific ones.

I’ve sensed timelines in prior exercises when I can’t continue or complete the exercise, such as here:

As I consider the chain of events that led to how I got to a point where I feel blocked from continuing, I see a crossroads with many paths branching off but each path has a wall or something blocking it. I hear “Timelines”. There is only one path with no blocks, and it shrinks quickly to a very narrow path.

My head now feels light yet heavy like it’s being pressed on by opposing forces in an attempt to keep me from thinking or perceiving anything at this point. It’s a different feeling from what I’ve experienced in earlier exercises.

I walk a bit until the head pressure subsides, then spend a few more minutes sitting quietly with the final paragraph. I notice my body feels like the cells are “independently alive” and are shifting and changing states. I can feel pains and pressures forming all over my body – back of my throat, sacral region, above my heart, as these states shift and change.

My body feels comprised of individual sentient beings or components or living things or AI/nanobots. Not sure which – they feel very alive – but the sense of it is these feel like a collective of independent sentient tiny “something’s” that work in formation like how animals work in groups or insects work in collectives or perhaps a giant organic ecosystem.

As these “something’s” shift and change state, my body sensations shift. It appears to be a demonstration for my observation, as I feel the experience first feel like experimental research, to purposeful changes of state, to what appears to be an exploration / demonstration of how ‘management pains/pressures’ are created and applied to the body and inner space.

Now I hear the “something’s” singing together. My body has a hum and “whale song.” (note: The sound is not in my ears – in my ears I can hear real world sounds plus an electronic static sound that is constantly with me that sounds like noise canceling headphones.)

The “whale song” of these “something’s” sometimes squeals in pain or screeches, feeling like trauma that distorts and tortures. As my attention roams my body and listens, I can hear the inner screaming and roars of anger similar to the inner sounds I’ve been regularly hearing inside my body over the past year or so of trauma investigations. Like each cell is singing or screaming in terror or roaring in agony or crazed panting like a wounded animal blinded with pain. Each has a voice.

I feel like I’m an entire collective of traumatized beings, walking around in ‘body’ shape.

—-

(Later edit: An excellent Oxford research article on “teams in the animal world” can be found here. As I read the Discussion section at the end of the article, I saw the cookie cutter icon overlay the page).

“I can hear the inner screaming and roars of anger similar to the inner sounds I’ve been regularly hearing inside my body over the past year or so of trauma investigations. Like each cell is singing or screaming in terror or roaring in agony or crazed panting like a wounded animal blinded with pain. Each has a voice.”

MMMMmmm, have you watched the series ‘Doll House’? It’s a) horrifying and b) this ‘HAS’ been done to people. If I remember correctly I actually checked a few weeks back if the person you are simulating has ‘doll house’ experiences and I got no. However, based on what you write above, when I check again from a different angle and ask if you’ve been ‘imprinted’ with others experiences then I get a yes. So, it’s possible that you were imprinted with the experiences of people with different ‘traumas’ as part of ‘researching’ trauma / peoples extremes AND then had these deleted from you BUT, in the sim software being a certified BASTARD it will have ‘grabbed’ these encoded imprints and is likely using them ‘against’ you. When I check Rose has done this too as part of her VR ‘research’.

Things are progressing ‘fast’, so I’ll likely have a new exercise / focus up here in a few days time that will get a lot more detail on various aspects of ourselves!!!

I’ve finished the exercise the entire way through with the added bit of “all data of others imprinted experiences”

No super massive ill effects so hope Rose is ok when she does it.

The effects I am getting, however, are more subtle and real life, and thus feel more destructive .. it feels like doing this exercise with this added phrase is setting me up for a real-life reaction – a repeat of an ongoing traumatic experience from the past couple years that almost destroyed me and that I’m just now recovering from. It seems like it’s being set up to repeat as a sabotage, and I have had moments these past couple days of feeling like I truly won’t survive a repeat should it trigger.

I thus may take a while to finish editing and posting – I need to muster my strength a bit, and deal with the fear and dread that fills me.

Courage has gotten me thus far so I know I’ll continue. I just need some time.

A brief summary of the experience with the exercise: this exercise (with the added phrase) took me back through my scripted experience of hacking this other research VR that I mentioned in my prior update to you. This included engaging with the vast array of the sophisticated tech I created to help me deal with security attacks, to explanations of the creative ways I worked with the intelligent tech that assisted me, to an initial exploration of how this other VR project’s worked (I call it the VR Sphere) and the VR Sphere’s interaction with the “cookie cutter programming template” and “subconscious ocean” I’ve been posting about, to an exploration of the Kingpin Fileroom, which sheds some light on the overall plan that the VR Sphere is designed to help implement.

The VR Sphere seems to be where the “love trauma” was developed, and “love trauma” is one of the millions of trauma ‘themes’ I found in the VR Sphere, each scientifically designed to lock and interlock with each other with supporting traumas or ‘issues’. It’s like a trauma lab that uses simulations to design catch-22 perfectly complementary issues that lock everyone in so they can’t engage with any of the issues they’ve been “gifted.”

Only got through Section one today, using the added bit Clive asked me to add into this focus/exercise:
—-

At the phrase “all data of all types including [added bit per Clive] and their locations“, I see the “Kingpin File Room“. This time, unlike prior experiences with the Kingpin File Room, it’s a full 3d view in my inner screen, not being presented via my remote viewing/tech eye.

My throat feels painfully constricted, reminding me of the experiences I had while investigating my extreme trauma of “being silenced”.

I flow through the room and am now moving past file cabinets. At the phrase “strategies personal to myself, a file cabinet drawer opens.

My eyes clench tightly shut like a shutdown procedure is being attempted to prevent me from viewing this, and I feel deep pain, terror and trauma .. yet I also feel determined and strong – like I WILL ACCESS THIS and won’t be deterred by the attempts to stop me.

I finally can open my eyes but a new technique now feels applied to my eyes: It feels like they’re being encased and pressured. The inner screen view is completely blocked now, and it’s just dead thick black space. I begin to connect to security that is blocking me, and eventually I feel like the rendering unit responsible for rendering this experience to me in my inner view is in complete shut down, and that this is the cause of the extreme sensation in my eyes.

I feel back through the influencing components and related security components – connecting to “all rendering units, security /monitoring/reporting units that feed to/from rendering units, all master design templates or suites” etc, sending my intent out to see what gets resistance or releases the pressure. I can feel data being pulled in and being processed as I do this, and I send inquiring “what’s the best thing to do here?” intent into the fray. It’s an intuitive, rather than systematic or formulaic, method I’ve been using for the past year and usually helps unlock things.

It feels like nothing is working – the pressure ebbs slightly but quickly presses on my eyes again and all my senses feel deadened no matter what approach I take this time. I finally feel like the tide turns when I get to the “central version control hub that monitors the use of and modifications to the master design templates/suites”, and then also connect to components that monitor / report / secure this central “version controller”, and possibly whatever the version control hub then ports information to, and related security/monitoring. Note: these may not be the ‘correct’ names or the ‘correct’ components but that’s my sense of it – components are only occasionally ‘rendered’ for me so I just have an “intuitive feel” of what’s happening.

The rendered image of the Kingpin File Room finally is able to be presented to me again in my inner space. It’s still fairly blocked though – especially in my left remote viewing/tech eye for some reason so I spend some more time pulling in more data about what’s blocking me from this experience.

There’s a specific phrase I used in my ‘offensive attack’ on what was blocking me – I can’t remember it specifically but it was along the lines of “management effects being applied” — similar to what Clive writes above: “The simulation won’t like you accessing these experiences”.. it’s like what I’m trying to access is a part of my script that simulation management effects is trying very hard to block from me. Some of what I’m describing above feels like my scripted experience of hacking these files, and some felt like it is about ‘ME’ being managed to not access the “script about hacking these files”, and some is still opaque and vague about what’s it’s really about.
—

The rendered image is still hazy and foggy but I proceed now.

In the paragraph on “environmental influences“, I see what appears to be a label or a file over one of the file cabinets that says ‘environment’.

I flow into the file (it’s amorphous and not rendered specifically as a ‘file’, so the phrase ‘file’ is used loosely/figuratively) and I’m surrounded by a sea of data relating to environmental influences etc. I can feel it being processed by my left remote viewing tech eye, like the data is being read by a hard drive head and stored away.

I see various VR and nature scenes and then sense my house ‘here’ is filled with sensors monitoring ‘everything’ of myself. These impressions in line with prior experiences I’ve had while trying to engage with environmental influences, some of which I’ve included in comments.

Then an image of the “library” that I’ve seen inside the Magic Book is presented and I see a book labeled “Environment” be removed from the shelf and move to the center of my vision. It appears the Magic Book compendium includes some of this information I’m accessing in the Kingpin File Room. Likely not all of it, though – the Magic Book feels like an “official” data set, and there’s usually stuff that happens via back door or off the record that wouldn’t be in official documentation.

The experience begins to feel blocked and sluggish, so I return to engaging with security.

I find myself frustrated that I can’t see what’s blocking me – it’s all black and sluggish, and my intent and mind is muffled and thick. I want these security components to be rendered to me, so I feel myself pulling in data regarding rendering units and it feels like a rendering unit is being re-purposed to suit my needs.

—
The experience of the section on “missing people, with the added phrase Clive asked me to include, feels like it’s being lightly rendered for me – this doesn’t feel like security blocking it however, it feels more like I’m being given .00001% of the enormity of what I’m connecting to, like a more humane way to let me approach it.

I feel loss. Death. Multitudes of people whose lives have been stolen. The Kingpin File room, now shown with a wall of zombie people lining the walls. People disappeared.

I’m reminded of the book “Rule of Thoughts” that I’m reading now, second book of a series. In the first book, the Eye of Minds, an AI has taken over a global immersive VR network and has decided that certain AI’s that exist solely in the VR network are more worthy to live – really live – than some of the humans whom access the network, so this Master AI is destroying the minds of interfaced humans and importing these AI’s to their physical bodies so the AI’s can have human life once the human bodies de-interface from the VR network.

I’m reminded of the Dollhouse TV series, but even more horrifying than depicted in the series. It’s not a peaceful spa environment like the Dollhouse. It’s destruction. Pain. People being used in terrible ways.

Later edit: As I later felt back through this portion of experience, I became reminded of the book The Scorch Trials (of the Mazerunner series, and by the same author of Rule of Thoughts), where people lose their sanity because of a manmade virus released after sun flare storms, and thus act very similarly like the imprinted Butchers in the Dollhouse series, Epitaph One (the “lost” episode of the Dollhouse series that never aired in the USA). And of the final book of the Mazerunner series, The Death Cure, where there is no cure to the Flare virus – the only real cure is to save the people who are immune to the manmade virus that is killing rest of the planet in horrible ways.

Somehow it all feels horrifically related but I don’t know how yet. How the vague impressions of this section have shifted from ‘blanked people’ like Dollhouse to the “imprinted Butchers” of the Dollhouse finale, over the course of a couple hours reinforces the feeling it’s all related and part of a larger terrible, terrible story.

—

In the section on Interactions:

I’m back in the Kingpin File room and flow to my file cabinet. It’s still sluggish and foggy, like a containment field I have to make my way through. In the file I see charts and ‘timelines’ – like it’s all been mapped out. Defining my life.

I flow inside the charts and I can only sluggishly gather the data. Connecting with security and especially “management” again, I now see the foggy sluggish feeling I’ve been experiencing rendered for me now. It appears like a giant mesh. I consider the best way of dealing with it and see little bots or insects eating the mesh.

Note: For quite a while I’ve been using various “shortcuts” to connecting to what’s impacting me when it gets inexplicably bad and I’m out of ideas, such as connecting to other’s work / focus/exercise attempts to quickly apply to what I’m experiencing to give me a foothold when I’m down for the count. Like trying out “cheat codes” in an online video game. But when I’ve tried that with the security/management that’s impacting me lately, I get a two-fold response: First I get a response of “Not Found” – like they simply don’t apply, but then I sense them being “converted” to something I that can use, similar to how I sensed a rendering unit being converted to something that will work for me.

—

Second to last paragraph:

After engaging with security and managing components that blocked me the first time through on this paragraph, I found myself again inside my file, floating in the rendered charts and data, like above .. suddenly I’m being pulled through a wormhole to another location.

At first, I can’t sense what’s here, but eventually I see a puzzle piece that moves to a body-shape, which appears like a general human outline devoid of features or expressions (reminds me of the “blanks” in the movie “The Island”). The body-shape then moves into my sacral region and I hear “Final Piece.”

—
Last paragraph:

I again have to engage with security and managing components, but eventually I see the body shape again, and the puzzle piece is in the shape’s sacral region. I try to engage with the puzzle piece, but it’s contained within what feels to be iron walls.

I spend time with this final paragraph, and when I set my intent to have security /management rendered, I see the body-shape in a prison. The feeling is this “body shape” is a “blanked” piece of me, highly secured and hidden someplace remote, that contains some type of vital ‘key’.

An image of a child tied upside down on a pirate ship mast comes to me now- it’s an image I’ve seen before, and always fills me with helplessness and horror. I’ve not known in the past why I kept getting this image. When this image is presented to me again right now, I see a puzzle piece in the child’s sacral region.

I ask what this means, and I hear “tied to a Borg Collective”. I read the paragraph again and now see a translucent cube that looks like a Borg cube and via my remote viewing eye, I see a glowing blip inside it – feels like a piece of a friend or a split? – held in a bubble or containment field, with additional security around it.

I ask why I can see this rendered image, how can I locate this “glowing blip”, how this is possible? and hear “Beacon”, while I sense considerable data being collected and processed via my remote viewing eye.

I then hear “Beacon transmitting the Collective’s stored files location” and “Borg Collective memory bank”, which doesn’t make sense, so I step back and and ask myself what’s going on, trying to get a larger view of this scenario. As I do so, I feel like this is an entire field that I’m not ‘in’ – it’s a reality field I’m accessing perhaps? and I hear “Backend storage files multiverse backup”.

Hi Nyssa – each EAAS department had a magic / rune / icon / propaganda / departmental / orientation mission book. As the entire project was ‘really’ about designing everything to be ‘re-tasked’ in hidden ways to do the opposite of what was being presented / worked on / focused on within each department then the books were the first line of ‘ENFORCED ORIENTATION’ to attempt to keep peoples ‘thinking’ orientation and understandings down the ‘pretend’ lines.

They even had people whose jobs were to ‘monitor’ everyone in the department and to have meetings and to ‘attempt’ to keep people orientated in ways that would make it as unlikely as possible that they would ‘join larger dots’ and then figure out that it wasn’t being designed in ways that were ‘rational’ and or ‘optimal’ in terms of what were the stated ‘mission book’ objectives / ends.

5th attempt:
Management continues and I am seriously struggling to get thru pages on the website. Nyssa’s comment mentioned the font size getting smaller and my font size continues to get larger to the point it extends beyond the screen and I have to scroll left to right to read each sentence. I have tried to print where possible and carry all exercises with me. Pages crash when I click on links and then I can’t find where I left off. Roses’ suggestion on comment searches would help in this area.

Another strange thing happening now is some type of delayed loading of frames as to where I am in any point of time. Example – I may turn in my chair and the field of view I see does not change for 1-2 seconds. I walk two steps and the objects around me do not change at the same time and either appear blank or then suddenly load 1-2 seconds later. Once also while driving – turned my head and the view did not change – which has caused me to minimize certain activities. This is all happening daily and feels like a punishment. Despite the fact I have done this exercise a few times I don’t remember much of what I read now.

01-“all stored data” – walking thru libraries of old dusty dirty books. “Logic tables” – a Lazy Susan appears with many pie shaped sections contain a variety of condiments and dessert toppings.
“Negatively influenced” – I feel I am periodically invaded by an entity that just wants to stick around a while to feel what trauma is like. It feels like they like to do this in small doses, as I was calibrated well to give good feedback on the effects of trauma and how it could be used to influence others. I hear them say “we need to keep her alive- she provides good data”.
“Quality of interactions” – frequently feel like I have a lot of free will in interactions and activities that are non-threatening ( as written on the home page).
“delivering negative interactions” – I used to think this was all just to hassle me but now it feels like it is meant to keep me moving on track as I tend to want to wander off on my own a lot.
“limited / contained” – strong feeling they are trying to either keep me safe or keep me contained – many diversions preventing me from traveling, going into public spaces, eating weird food, or driving.

02- alot of traumatic dreams about current family members or family situations that may have existed in another time. This feels like a strong effort to make me feel like a failure as a mother.

03- while walking or driving around, the focus/clarity of the environment changes from sharp to looking thru smoke – I often think it is my window, sun glasses, etc.
“START” – despite doing this exercise 5 times I do not remember the last two paragraphs of this section 3 and do not recall seeing anything labeled “START”! I see myself inside a terrarium and the glass is getting foggy. Strong gagging starts as if something is stuck in my throat. My stomach starts to feel airy and less tense.
“AND I particularly connect to absolutely ANYTHING that directly or indirectly ever contributed to locking, maintaining and or increasing absolutely anyone’s containment’s, limitations, debilitation’s and or extremes . “ – I see humans/people wrapped up in string similar to sausages and beef roasts dressed to be cooked. The people are netted so tight they can’t move but do not appear to be in any pain.

5A,B – strong parent/grandparent histories / cultures of frugality and common sense and then thrown into my current situation to be engulfed by family members, loved ones with extreme obsessions and compulsions. I absolutely can’t relate to any of it and it tears me apart and I can’t fix it no matter how hard I try. It consumes me.

its easy to follow directions when you feel you will get freedom from them.

Everything that has ever been done to me in my simulated existence is all about gaining a level of freedom, freedom that is imposed on me, its as if they create the bars and chains to which one would naturally want to remove to only create another false level of freedom of being set free from such chains, that is yet ironically even more controlled.

Throughout this theme I come to see many ” wooden puppet dolls ” of myself the idea is something like this, except they look more demented and they use them to control me, https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/2a/7f/69/2a7f69a8621e0098b80d2c1760be7ce1.jpg Looks like some a new type of discovered voodoo dolls used to continually torture me. If I do something that is outside of how the doll is being played with they will just chop me up, or set me on fire then make a new doll.

I also become aware of perhaps some sort of VR electrocution experience where I am being constantly electrocuted to the point of losing most of all my memory, functioning abilities etc. Looks like there are robots with black screens for eyes and a thin lime green line that goes back and forth their screen. The rest of this exercise seems to continually show me different ways of torture/control methods. It seems as if the sim is done giving me more ‘super shit’ to a certain degree as it thinks it already has me down like, oh don’t worry about her, we electrocuted and messed with her enough, she can’t do much anymore..

I also connect more to symbolic experiences, starting to feel like almost everything that happens in my 3D world is symbolic of something else that is happening. With this I become more aware of my trees outside, which while I was reading this were also targeted with AI to monitor me and watch me. ( A representation of my innocent friends in the original worlds being used to actually spy on me). Then I remember how both my trunk of my car, (which doesn’t normally ever have problems) and the drawers to my dresser randomly opened today and were unable to shut at all, as if the insides of or data of what I use to identify and cover/cloak myself with (clothes) and the back of or bottom of my means of moving or traveling through space (my trunk) were both forced open to deal with yet will not shut until I internally figure out how to clean up all the junk data/script that is (open) to deal with. It seems there is types of locks in these symbolic translations that I get, as if the translations aren’t even right or accurate to begin with, yet I still have to engage with them and other crap just to ‘move forward.

I have been in extreme trauma for the past week or so. It’s taken many forms but in general has felt like a deeply painful repeat of much of the worst of the stuff I’ve been pulled through over the last 6-9 months. Doing exercises have been connecting me to a context that feels larger than eaas drama – a larger agenda that was designed to work behind the scenes while everyone was busy with the eaas soap opera of creating the perfect world or being overwhelmed or realizing things were backwards and were being inverted and then everyone beginning to hide and spy — this larger agenda seems to have orchestrated all of that drama to distract everyone for an ultra secret outcome. It feels like it’s why I was silenced. The trauma from this is intense.

Yesterday I was in extraordinary extremes that thankfully washed over me like waves – i would not be able to withstand much more than the ultra intense “pulses” of intense trauma that last led anywhere from a couple minutes to a couple hours, although I never got full relief, just a base line of extremes with ultra “extremely extreme” spikes. The trauma feels like “all the trauma of the multiverse” compressed and sucking in to me like into a black hole, using dark matter compression to make the total of the multiverse’s trauma densified to extreme compression to be part of my own body. The trauma feels thicker than this organic life feels.

I then felt like I was then undergoing a traumatic split — a split forced on me. A band around my subtle body in my midsection to remove all my own self will and ability to fight back. And then being ripped in half at that midpoint, top and bottom, with each half somehow then used to implement the master plan mentioned in the first paragraph.

The master plan image presented to me was a person (male perhaps) with no lower body – ending at the torso- with a planet where his lower body should be.

Yesterday afternoon, a different yet still extremely traumatic experience was forced on me, as I began to feel crushingly debilitated. I did the first line of the exercise “connect to everything that defines or influences me or my experience” and connected to a “reality core”. Inquiring and feeling into this, I learned this debilitated feeling was my scripted experience of being put into massive extremes by the vr simulation “where all the shit was developed”, that I was hacking, as I hacked the core of its “reality generator”. The reality generator was responsible for generating the consensus reality of the simulation I hacked. (The reality core looks like a glowing cylinder somewhat like a warp core, encircled with a wall of shifting images that remind me of a seamless wall of screens but the images are more fluid and flowing with no clear demarcation of “screens” nor clearly displayed images- it feels like subtle experiences being depicted.)

Then last evening, another round of crushingly debilitating trauma pressed on me. I again used the line “everything defining or contributing to my self or my experience in the last few moments” and only saw vague impressions yet it seemed similar to the “reality core” above, but differently designed and much more vague and hard to perceive. I heard “sim core” and when I inquired and felt into it, I learned it was the sim core of this place – earth..that it was being hacked and it was the cause of the extreme debilitation I’ve been put through this past week. It seems to have an extreme “shit lock” on me with the intention of killing me. The extremes I was put through this week pushed me for days to the edge of being deeply suicidal, repeating some of the worst of what I’ve been put through since last fall, with a desire to die that goes far beyond “just” suicidal – it’s of an intensity that forces a desire for my subtle self to die. The sense I have is that the sim core wants me dead because I’m some sort of last line for it – I possess or am somehow necessary to disable it at the end, since it’s being controlled by the larger agenda and if I’m dead this final agenda can’t be averted. Other people too seem to be part of this last line or whom possess knowledge of this final agenda that’s needed yet that is being actively suppressed. I have friends or feel there are others who are in deep shit right now or are estranged from Clive/this site/research -people whom I trust or care about, whom feel part of this last line, and are being pushed away from this site /group in a variety of ways, into their own personal hells.

But despite how intensely difficult this has been, it feels “scheduled”. While the sim core wants me dead, “someone or something” wants to see me safely through this- like it was known how hard the sim core would try to kill me so measures were taken to surround me with support. Thus, this “extreme” felt planned – my parents showed up for an unscheduled visit and my kids are on their first week of summer vacation, so my home was filled with love and family to make sure I was never alone /like a 24 hour suicide watch. An active hiking vacation planned for this week was unexpectedly postponed, along with the unexpected help of my parents with kids, and me not needing to wake before dawn to get children to school, so I could rest while I fought through these difficult days. I feel safe in a way. I’ve made it through so far so I’ve learned to hang on.

Hi Nyssa, I went through 4/5 ‘unstable’ years of this 2 and a half decades ago. As I’m simulating someone that as a subtle being remotely engaged with other people / their issues including extreme trauma and sometimes for extended periods of time it turned out that (like the VR experiences) a lot of what was being presented as ‘mine’ in trauma terms wasn’t, it took me ages to realise that ‘most’ of the past trauma I’d sorted out (by engaging with others at a distance as part of therapy sessions as well as splits of myself in past lives (as if they were my own)) were not mine. So, basically the sim had ‘grabbed’ hold of all the trauma that I’d investigated of other people and had ‘attached’ it to myself (even from past lives in the sim). Which is why I couldn’t understand quite a bit of what I engaged with and released as really being ‘mine’.

‘Fortunately’ I managed to clear a massive amount then, because since then the sim ‘directives’ have changed and it’s sealed and locked off more and more of peoples own as well as others trauma of people that they ‘engaged’ with either as subtle beings or as VR testing etc. In the last few months and increasingly in the last few weeks I’ve been presented with and have been releasing ‘my’ trauma, my own personal trauma which the sim had kept hidden from me too. Fortunately it’s not too bad, it’s more a ‘piss take’ in some ways because despite the effort I put into finding and resolving my trauma I still missed it / was made to miss it.

As we’ve been hacking and ‘taking over’ more and more of the sim’s systems and understanding how each works then we get better access to ‘trauma’ caches and figure out better ways to clearing / releasing this backlog while hopefully ‘not’ overwhelming people. In other words with time we can release more and more with lesser effects. Also I suspect that for some people (like yourself) it’ll be strong enough to give you context to understand the origins, rather then being dealt with unconsciously.

When I wake up I have a 15-30 second period in which I perceive things from a very different / ‘detached’ perspective. I don’t have much control over the ‘topic’ of what I perceive, but it’s always related to me / my experience. During this period i’ll either perceive ‘myself’ in a way which makes me aware of different issues that I have but hadn’t noticed / thought about / realised were issues, or I perceive an ‘issue’ that i’m already aware of in a way that usually gives me enough information to figure out what it is / why it’s happening / what to target to deal with it.

This ‘altered perspective upon waking’ is something that’s been happening for a long time (at least 10 years) but which hadn’t been ‘useful’ / I hadn’t been learning anything from it until the past few months. What used to happen is that i’d wake up feeling ‘good’ and with clarity of mind / emotions, but within those 15-30 seconds my usual ‘shit’ feelings / emotions would return – so I wasn’t picking up on much ‘mentally’ – but those experiences tie in with the next part.

I woke up yesterday and was ‘viewing’ in a perceptual sense my ‘feeling shit / f’d up / blocked throughout my head, etc’ issues, but this problem felt ‘distant’ in the sense that it seemed like it wasn’t actually a part of ‘me’, and as I was picking up on this then I could sense that the issue was being caused by many, many ‘layers’ of shit / traumas / etc.

After around 20 seconds or so of ‘viewing’ these layers then they move closer to ‘me’ and become a part of my experience again / they no longer seem ‘distant’ or foreign. I immediately remembered reading something on this site about people who were engaging with others’ traumas / issues / etc within a VR environment, and that the sim would then use that ‘shit’ to F people up ‘permanently’, so it seemed like this might be what was happening there.

I targeted these areas last night with some success, though i’m still not getting much info about what i’m connecting to.

I woke up this morning with some weird changes to my ‘hearing’ – my ears feel like they’re blocked, but my hearing actually seems to be a lot better. I’m suddenly very sensitive to / more aware of ‘sound’ , especially deep bassy tones but also to a lesser extent higher-pitched sounds. Even people ‘talking’ suddenly sounds very weird / foreign / the tones are ‘uncomfortable’.

Hi Trent, ‘we are’ still dealing with ‘yet more’ hidden layers of ‘higher level’ shit, having said that some people we’ve enough access to, to have them briefly ‘in’ issues for investigations and clearing – which sounds like has been happening to you from the latter part of your comment.

I just had a experience of what it felt like to be free of a body. It was in a dream but a lucid one that felt real. I can’t remember deep details but it was like people were trying to improve what people label the matrix and because of trying to get it so perfect it became nothing again, but then it came together again.

Very weird experience. I was still alive and there but without body or essence. It was dark and I was experiencing some fear. It reminded me of the experience that Matthew McConaughey had in the movie Interstellar.

My experience wasn’t exactly what he experienced because he maintained a body. What I experienced was that I lost my body and I was nothingness. Then it was like the matrix was put back together. It was still imperfect and I had the problems and issues that I have but that was ok because it was better than being nothingness. That it came back together after I was separated from my body in the dream. Like something in my script was missing that caused me to be unable to hold form.

These beings and their perfectionism seem to be causing the issue. You have these beings that believe they are superior and shows it as being or attempting to be perfect. Then you have insecure girls who want to be perfect for love or acceptance and become narcissists with him. All very odd. It’s just not perfect, at least how the matrix is programmed, at least as I know. I don’t know much though.

All I know is that it came back together after I was separated from my body in the dream. Like something in my script made me unable to hold form.

I’m somehow connected to other beings and they are creating versions of me and if I eat something or take something that makes them sick they transfer the illness over to me. They convince me to make or eat things. They don’t seem to care about me as a person but a vehicle or a host to get their needs met. Lately it has been a woman in her late 50’s-60’s. She claims she is a queen and she says I am supposed to be with her. I think she believes I am to be romantic with her. I’m not sure if I am to be a lesbian with her or change into a man but I don’t want any of it. She programs me subconsciously and uses alot of magic. I don’t feel the same way about her. Also another female. She is African american. She comes to be with me when I eat vegetable soup. Also when she is with me I notice I am attracted to the foods that race is know for.

I watched a video of a woman that said when you open your third eye it lets in stuff and you don’t have any control over what comes in.

It seems like they set up stuff to make me trigger to think of them. I kept on wondering why and I think it’s because if I were to just stop thinking about them then the psychic connection would be less strong or gone. They are the ones that seem to need me more that I need them. I actually don’t want to be with them.

It feels like someone has taken a piece of me or my soul to clone me. They have cast some type of spell that makes me look less attractive. That is what is causing the face changes in the mirror and pictures.

They basically say my life is supposed to suck because I didn’t go back with them in the past life. I think they think it is normal to steal people’s souls if they disagree with them or think they are bad or wrong.

I’ve had this feeling for awhile that one of Clives teeth is in my mouth. I haven’t mentioned it because it sounds crazy but my teeth constantly change and then every once in awhile this tooth that is different than the others pops up.

Was in a store and I could hear voices asking which cell phone someone wanted. Then I picked up s phone and a voice in my head said “I want this one” It wasn’t me but s voice in my head. Then it felt like maybe something was happening but I could not prove anything for sure. It makes me feel like these beings may be taking things. I was getting my phone checked out because the battery had kept dying. Then while the guy was looking at it there were these people sweeping the floor but it was like my subconscious mind was picking something else up and instead of regular employees they were military people sweeping up the floors.

Then on the way home I noticed my mind commanding something to someone and it was saying “and then saying this, this this.” Giving commanding orders. Then it was like someone ripped something energetically out of my hand. Like a remote or a phone or something. It wasn’t solid but energetic.

Then I noticed this severe pain in my stomach / solar plexus area. It was pain in the middle. I then realized that the pain was left over from someone’s past life from getting shot in the stomach. Then someone said I took a shot to protect someone else. Then they said that the pain had been with them and it was time for someone else to feel it and it got passed off onto me. At times it literally feels like I have gotten shot in the stomach. Other times a dull pain.

Feels like somebody or these other people are trying to get me sexually attracted to them, animals and kids. I’m not attracted to any of them, especially animals and kids. I don’t know how to stop it. I also feel like they are manipulating my dogs to mess with me in many different ways. I don’t want these beings in my life and haven’t in some time, no amount of magic or manipulation of soul stealing will do that. They have done things to change me in ways that are not me. I don’t feel like me anymore.

I don’t feel like I am allowed to date men or have sex with men or feel sexual attraction to men unless it is one of then. Other than that I am turned off sexually. I feel my body being turned on to things that are not me and were never their before them. They feel they have a right to control me and my body to do whatever they want.

I have noticed my whole life that sometimes when. I wake up I would have hair in my mouth. Also the mirrors seem like a portal through from their world.

These beings pretend to be angels or God to manipulate and use people for their purposes.

They feel connected to me 24/7 and I am ready for them to let go and find another host so I can get better and heal. Any time I look at something online they want I can read their thoughts and they are telling someone there to “go back” and get it for her. That she wants it. It is makeup wise. I also believe these are the beings that are super punishing and scrupulous and want to punish everyone and steal souls or life force energy.

Was watching the presidential election and it was like these beings were communicating to Trump and changing Hillary and sodmtimes she would have s Barbie doll overlay. They wanted her to look beautiful.

I used the word the matrix because it is what some people understand better. I shared this experience with someone else.

These beings don’t seem to want to heal anything but to just pass negative pain and energy around to others and steal energy, life force and souls.

Melissa, Tommy / ANYONE ELSE with Doll House ‘experiences’ (N/Iris/Uendy) use the below as your ‘target phrase’ in the new self exploration exercise number 7 . . . which is here

” . . . absolutely ANY experiences that represent absolutely ANYONE ELSE’S experience or combination of OTHERS experiences that were ever IMPRINTED onto myself AND or that were then made part of my own personal experience . . . “

Kinda stupid question but im living in a room at the salvation army and after i did the exercises i suspect that i get extra crap fed from the people i live with anyway to stop that. I also remember some things i lived through that are 1 on 1 copied experiences from others. Its like i dont have a own script but its a mix and match of other simulated peoples experiences. Is that the dollhouse stuff in my script ? Its like the first 15 years of my life were my parents my teens till 20 myself a little bit me and after the dope i turned into the equivalent of the monster of Frankenstein script wise. Its like i have been made to tag along with others for a fixed periode of time and then i get shipped off to the next soap-opera

Well, yea Tommy you answered it yourself / imprints of other people make you live out other peoples stuff / be other people. At least we’re starting to get some ‘traction’ into these areas / however, as mentioned in previous comments these specific dh problems are the most difficult to address / therefore will likely to take time to properly investigate / make changes . . . ‘everything’ that defines dh people has been completely Fued’Up . . . it’ll be extremely difficult to separate out ‘you’ / the original ‘you’ from ‘everyone’ elses ‘bits’ that you’ve been living out ‘as if they are ‘you” . . . although this will happen eventually and likely gradually . . .

Wow, very impressive. Im just done with 3 for, but i need to get my head free, so i writing this for now.
First of all, these exercises remind me a lot of a te hnique called BSFF – Be set free fast, which helped me alot, awakened me, like 8,9 years ago. Where this technique is behind yours, is that it seems to just target emotions. Where it seems ahead of yours (i dont know, what comes in future exercises) is that it directly targets to delete, reprogram, release, harmonize, whatever is the problem and anchors this program, to be easily triggered anytime. If you dont know that, check it out, im pretty sure, you can merge both works very well..
Ok, now my real experiences. Im recognising, how some programs have been installed in my energetic system, to alternate my reality. I was like free from the matrix some years ago, using a “program” i call unconditional love. But i didnt really understand my status back then. Just, that i could jnfluence “reality” a lot. Then i was hijacked again. But the new soft and hardware was not deletable for me at that point. Im still not done. Its not like this is totally new info to me, but your system, your mask, your point of view, gives me a very easy to understand grip to handle this.
I see a lot of robotic machines. Some part of me says, that were actually theyr creation, but we surpassed them by actually coming alive, now they try everything to control us..
In the part 3 times repeatable about external storages, i see like cables going to this storages.
I got intuition, that when imalot around machines, i take on that energy and therefore are easier to be controlled/programmed. On the other side, i could take on more energy of the nature, which finally is also a machine, but way more complex… Alive.
Im remebering some part of the emerald tablets of thoth, when he says, on higher dimensions, you have to use other ways of travel, otherwise the guardians catch. I cant qoute the specific words right now. My analogy, metaphor would be, from digital to analog, from machine to living being.
So theres like a fight starting for my body energetic machine. Im reprogramming myself on a new language, they cant access. But they send alot at me. There comes the usual, “oh my god, this a huge work, i will finish it later”-program. I actually had it coming yesterday in a long meditation, becore i knew this site, and i had it coming a lot of times before, when i was making big advances in healing. But with your view on things, i can identify it and deal with it. But theres coming more and more at me, so i decide to distract them on theyr stuff. Im manipulating programs that keep other in check and stuff, just to keep them busy and off me..
I always keep offering a truce, they offer me to work with them, but it feels, that would decrease my freedom again, so i deny..
So right now im thinking alot about all this stuff, so im writing it down, to get it out of me, to be less digital and more analog, whe this keeps going..

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