12.27.2011

So this is it. It’s all over. No more nights out, no more dinners, no more days, no more classes, no more shanghai. No more being reckless, sleepless nights, abusing our youth. This is it. Back to reality.

I’ve given some thought to what I want to write about in this blog post, and no form seems adequate to express the entirety of what I felt about this experience. So I think, instead of doing anything super official or more narrative-like, I would like to shout out to some of my favorite/ not so favorite memories and the people here who really made my semester. Think of it as a series of vignettes that piece together somewhat of a whole. The theme of the semester was definitely “insanity,” so here are my top insane moments (in no particular order):

1.Beijing- spark all night, getting 2 hours of sleep, then climbing the great wall2.Getting high as a kite and singing “hello” with everyone in 10033.Everything about w-gate4.Finding out about the passing of ilya ☹5.Last night- falling down the stairs and bleeding6.Everything that happened on those crazy orientation nights... making irresponsible decisions7.Hungover at my internship multiple times, one time to the extent that I had to call in and pretend to be sick. then spent the next day eating at canto place and laying around in bed complaining8.Shot for shot.. and what shouldn't have happened after9.Doing nails and gossiping, balcony smoke sessions10.Finding a live bug while stir-frying vegetables11. Drinking a whole bottle of wine myself while whining to everyone in my vicinity about you-know-who

And many, many more that I can’t even remember. I met so many special people here, had so much fun, made so many stupid decisions and so many amazing ones. I love everyone who made this semester awesome—even the people who hurt me, because you’re only hurt by the ones you love—and I loved you all. Specifically:

S&M (haha):There may have been drama and we can’t all love each other at 100% 100% of the time, but I’m confident that in you guys I’ve found lifelong friends. The days and nights we’ve been through together—nothing can replace that. Gonna love you guys forever, my yin and yang 902 twins.

W:The biggest theme of my semester—I’m sure to everyone else, I must have looked pretty fucking retarded, but I don’t regret anything. I’m not going to lie, you hurt me, and when I told you how I felt, your joking reaction was really less than appropriate, but I don’t hate you and never will. It’s impossible. There’s a reason why I liked you so much, though I can’t even tell you what it is myself, but that is also the reason why I will always remember you as someone who made my time here awesome—not miserable. I’m so glad that now we’re friends.

E&A:I’ve honestly always lacked actual, platonic guy friends in my life, and this semester you guys were there for me—through everything. You were patient with me, listened to me blab about shit that you really shouldn’t be subjected to the misery to hear about, and always had my back. For that, I really love you guys.

And all my other amazing friends here. Too many to name.

We had the best group of people in Shanghai this Fall. This is an experience I’m going to retain in my heart forever—even when I’m old and wrinkled, and staying up past 11 is unthought of, let alone staying out all night then chugging noodle man—and thinking that this is goodbye is incredibly hard.

A part of me is so exhausted in every single way and can’t wait to touch down on American soil, but a part of me knows so well that I’ve just left one of the best experiences of a lifetime.

Listening to my shanghai experience and I’m smiling at all those memories that are still so fresh in my mind. Shanghai, if I can’t keep you forever, I’m going to lock you in a song.

12.15.2011

This is it. The final stretch. And I’m not talking about my studies or anything.

Tonight I’m going to follow my heart. Let myself go. Not care what anyone thinks about anything I do. Because I sure as hell am not about to leave Shanghai with any regrets.

Shanghai, you’ve treated me well. You’ve taught me to grow up, taught me just how much fun I can have being young, taught me that there are no limits to the night. Shanghai, you’ve also taught me what it feels like to get hurt, to be betrayed, and to cry. But all of that is going to be worth it in the end. I want to leave this city feeling like I’ve went through the experience of a lifetime. And I have a feeling that I will.

Here’s to Shanghai, and here’s to you.

Beautiful

You had meFrom the very first timeI laid my eyes on youAnd decided that That was what I wanted.

That nightFor the first time in my life I was allowed the luxury of not just admiring from afar.

Thank you for sharingA bit of your dazzling beauty with me.Even though it was short lived,Even thoughTo youIt may have meant nothing at all

To meIt was everything.

And this whole timeI could have given my heartTo anybody hereBut I chose you.

I know you didn’tChoose me,But that’s okay.

I’m not ashamed of Wanting something beautiful.Don’t we all want the same?