Depression and Resisting the Urge to Commit Suicide

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I was diagnosed with severe depression about five years ago, and I was taking a generic form of Prozac (fluoxetine) but all this did was make me feel like I had to yawn all day long to the point I stopped taking it. I have two small children (six and eight) and am currently a full-time college student. My wife's income is small and leaves nothing for me to go trotting off to the doctor. I love my family and would not want to think about my kids losing me, yet all I can think about anymore is checking out of this piece of crap world! I was just a smidgen away yesterday from turning my car straight into the trees at 75 mph. I just mustered up the courage and told myself, "Just one quick turn, and you can stop feeling like this," but I didn't. I’m too damn sorry to even do what I know needs done. How the hell do I start appreciating life instead of wishing it had never been given to me? I'm 34 and have felt like this for at least 10 years. If I was in a fire, I'd try to get out. If I was in the ocean alone, I'd tread water and pray for rescue. Why then do I so badly want to die?

Most people with depression have at least passing thoughts of suicide and, as you probably know, suicide is one of the leading causes of death for people with a history of severe depression. So, you are far from being alone and have done the right thing by resisting those thoughts and trying to get help.

Although Prozac (fluoxetine) is a good antidepressant, it only helps a portion of those who take it. And for some people it helps, the side effects make it difficult to stay on the medication. Talk to your doctor about other treatment options. Most of the alternatives to fluoxetine are now available in less-expensive generic formulations, including medications that are completely unrelated to fluoxetine (for example, Wellbutrin [bupropion hcl] and Remeron [mirtazapine]), which may be less likely to cause the side effects that were bothering you before

You should also consider keeping some suicide hotline numbers handy for moments of crisis like the one you experienced recently. These include 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) and 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). You can also call 911 in an emergency.

Also, please consider opening up to your family about what you’re dealing with. As the people closest to you, they are in the best position to help.

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