I am in the process of overhauling my diet and exercise routine. I have a nutrition/fitness coach. I have been working out harder than I have in years. I thought I was in relatively good shape, because I run and do yoga. I make a point of doing something physical each day. I’m not in good shape. My work outs are hard and I sweat and I swear. I thought my diet was pretty good too. Not! I have been vegetarian and vegan-ish for years. My nutritionist has made me realize that my choices have been quite high in fat. No wonder I was enjoying myself so much ….and became 15 pounds heavier than I want to be.

So, back to yesterday. After two weeks of working quite hard and transforming some habits I was feeling a bit of, let’s say it nicely, ‘tension.’ (I was feeling bitchy, is the actually word). I went to the grocery store. It was cold out. I was tired. I was hormonal. As soon as I got there, I felt the urge, you know, to go to the bathroom. I do not like public washrooms. I loathe them! So I decided I didn’t have to go. Which added to the pleasantness of the shopping experience, as you can imagine.

I forced myself to rush home so that I could relax in my own bathroom. But, realized, I really did not purchase all the groceries I needed. I proceeded to pig out on hummus and bread, which is not such a ‘bad’ thing, I made the hummus myself. The bread was yummy, heavy and white. Oops. And oh, oh, now I have to answer to my coach. After my food medicating wore off I asked myself what was really going on. Why was I so frustrated? What is frustration trying to tell me? I concluded that it was telling me that I was fighting for control. I was fighting for control of my diet, my exercise, my bladder and even was mad about the weather.

I reacted immaturely. Childishly. Instead of seeing the changes I’m implementing as positive, I turned them into work and drudgery. Instead of putting on an extra sweater, I was angry about the cold. Instead of just going to the bathroom….well, you get it.

I coach people to be aware of sentences that start with ‘should.’ I caught myself big time yesterday in ‘should’ land. When we are telling ourselves we ‘should’ something, we are immediately not living now. Better thinking is ‘I can, I will, I am.’ Starting today I am choosing the process of change that I’m experiencing and I am grateful for the help that surrounds me. I hope that if there is a next time, I can catch the ‘should’ before it gets me!