Thursday, June 16, 2016

Local Women's Club Gears Up For Fun & Games With Bingo Night

By Ingomar Schoenborn, Quilt staff.

DATELINE:JORDAN AVENUE

THE CANOGA PARK First-Wednesday-of-the-Month Women’s Club is putting on a bingo night, and the community is invited — for a night of bingo.

“We operate primarily as a nightclub now,” mentions Flossie Brown, Vice Chairwoman In Charge Of Collecting Loose Buttons In An Old Ribbon Candy Tin. “However, we’re required to run a few quaint old-lady events throughout the year to maintain our certification as a non-profit women’s club from the National Federation of Obsolete Organizations.

Bingo daubers will
be available for sale.

“So there’s this, and we also roll bandages for the war effor— What’s that, Myrtle? We won?! When?

“...Oh, okay, so there’s just this now.”

The event will run Friday evening from 6 to 9 pm. There’ll be tacos, too.

“If there’s a food that goes better with geriatric women — using one hand to steady a series of flimsy bingo cards printed on newsprint spread out in front of them while dotting them with an oversized marker in the other — than crunchy, fall-apart tacos whose contents spill out all over the place unless they’re held upright, we haven’t heard of it!” smiles Brown.

The event should be quite a change of pace for the community surrounding the club’s headquarters as merry calls of “Bingo!” will likely replace the usual overloud sound system pounding out a seismically thumping bass felt for blocks.

Club President Doreen Farber.Photo courtesy Fred Farber.

“We’re used to more boisterous events on the weekends around here,” says Ted Pasternak, a neighbor to the club. “You know — lively music, car doors slamming all night long, partygoers swearing and arguing, kids running around screaming, cars peeling out and people smoking pot. And that’s just in the parking lot,” says Ted Pasternak. “Boy, they do have fun, don’t they?”

“Oh, that asshole,” says Club President in Charge of Neighborhood Cacophony Doreen Farber. “Well, I’m so sorry to disappoint — there’ll be none of that Friday night. Saturday night, definitely. Sunday night — probably. But none of that Friday night!

“Well, almost none of that. Helen Dobrucky gets medical marijuana for her glaucoma.”