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Fear of Santa Claus: how to conquer childhood Santaphobia

By Amy DempseyStaff Reporter

Thu., Nov. 29, 2012

Does your child suffer from Santaphobia?

You’re not alone.

Cranky childless holiday shoppers estimate that at least 94.1 per cent of children under 5 kick and scream their little faces off when forced to sit in Santa’s lap.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Dr. Martin Antony, chair of the psychology department at Ryerson University, is an expert on anxiety, panic and obsessions. He spoke to the Star’s Amy Dempsey about how to quell childhood Santaphobia.

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Q: What is it about Santa that frightens some children?

A: I think it’s the unfamiliarity. The Santa character is something that’s just very different than what people encounter in everyday life. A lot of kids who are afraid of Santa are also afraid of clowns, they’re afraid of life-size Mickey Mouse characters at Disney World, they’re afraid of any of these sort of huge people that look the way that people aren’t supposed to look. And not only do we ask kids to encounter Santa, we ask kids to sit on Santa’s lap, which is an intimacy usually reserved for people kids know well. No parent would ever ask a child to sit on any other stranger’s lap.

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Q: Is any one element more frightening for a child than another? The beard? The belly? The ho-ho-ho?

A: It probably depends on the child. There are kids who are afraid of beards, but that wouldn’t be the case for all children. A child who grows up in a house with a grandfather who has a long beard and a big belly might not find any of it unfamiliar.

Q: Who or what should we blame when kids kick and scream and cry when confronted with Santa? Are the parents at fault?

A: The first thing I would do is not blame anybody, because I think it’s perfectly normal for a lot of kids. I think if you’re 30 and you’re having that response it’s a different story, but if you’re 3 or 4 and you’re having that response, that’s not unusual at all.

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Q: Is there evidence of a genetic predisposition for Santaphobia?*

A: Not for Santaphobia specifically, but generally for phobias, absolutely. In fact, right from a very early age there are temperamental differences between children. Some children, before they’ve even had a negative experience with much of anything, will become visibly anxious and withdraw from new situations. Other children like taking risks and exploring things more. The children who withdraw less are less likely to have anxiety problems later in life. From a genetic standpoint, it would be more the fear of strangers or strange situations. It’s not like there’s a Santa fear gene.

Q: Do you think the experience causes emotional trauma for the parents?

A: It depends on the parent. I think some parents really look forward to sharing some of the things that they remember being so much fun when they were kids, and Christmas may be one of those things. And it may be disappointing to a parent if a child is not able to do that. It’s important for parents to realize that it’s not the end of the world if it takes another year for the child to be comfortable with Santa.

Q: How do you think Santa feels when children scream and cry and try to get away from him? Could this cause a self-esteem problem for Santa?

A: I think everybody wants people to like them. It probably varies from Santa to Santa; some might be more affected than others. At the same time, I think to be in that kind of job — dealing with hundreds and hundreds of children a day — you probably see such a range that within a fairly short time you get used to that. And the happy kids probably make up for the screaming kids.

Q: Is there anything Santa could do to be less scary to kids?

A: Well the things that Santa could do would make him not Santa anymore. Maybe if he could take off the hat and beard and show the child that it was just a costume, but parents probably don’t want him to do that.

Q: I guess then they’d just be sitting on some old guy’s lap.

A: Or maybe some young guy’s lap. We don’t know what’s underneath the costume.

True.

I think a lot of it is really more what parents can do. If parents want the child to be more comfortable, we know one of the most powerful ways of reducing fear is doing exposure to feared situations in a very safe, predictable, controlled, calm kind of way.

Q: One of the tips you offer is to have the child watch from a distance as an older sibling or friend sits on Santa’s lap first. What’s a good distance? Would you recommend hiding behind a pole or garbage bin? What if when you come out from behind the pole you startle Santa and he screams and that scares the child?

A: Yeah, you probably don’t want to get Santa freaked out. I think the distance really depends on the child. For some children, they may be able to stand 10 feet away. For others, it may be 50 feet away. The main thing is not to force the child or trick the child. You can reward the child for taking closer steps and let them know that if they’re able to do it they can maybe stay up extra late or get a little present.

Q: Wait, isn’t that bribing?

A: You can call it bribing, or you can call it reinforcement. It’s not unusual with children with phobias to include some small reinforcements or rewards. For example, they might get little tokens they can trade for treats. It could be social reinforcement, maybe calling their grandparents to brag about how well they did. And you wouldn’t necessarily do this every time the child does the thing they’re afraid of. Gradually, over time, we withdraw the reinforcers. We don’t want the child to be a trained dolphin where they’ll only do something for a piece of fish.

Q: Your take-home message for parents seems to be that forcing a child to get on Santa’s lap is not the right approach. What could happen if parents push their children too far?

A: If somebody is forced to do something, it may increase their fear. You can imagine if you were afraid of snakes and I decided I was going to expose you to snakes, so I picked up a snake and I threw it at you. That kind of exposure wouldn’t help.

Q: But what if the parent really, really wants a photo of their child with Santa, like for Facebook?

A: Well they have three options. One is spending some time working with the child gradually, getting closer and seeing what happens. Option two is waiting a year. And option three is Photoshop.

*Scientists don’t really use the word Santaphobia. In fact, Dr. Antony says they hardly use any of those crazy-long phobia names at all. Aquaphobia? Nope. Just fear of water. Arachnophobia? That one only became popular after the spider movie. Santaphobia? Just sounds cool.

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