Thursday, May 26, 2011

I figured with all the heaviness of yesterday's post that it was time to publish a post that I have been working on regarding what not to do during the summer. That and the fact that it has been sunny and in the high 70's here is Beenoland lately. Woo hoo!!!!

Without further ado, my 5 rules to get the most out of your summer:

1. Flip flops and sandals are meant to be worn with bare feet. "Turtle toe" as my little princess so eloquently calls it, is a supah fashion faux pas in my book. If your feet are cold then you shouldn't be wearing flip flops in the first place. Suck it up, put some socks and shoes on.

Really? Not only is this look soooo not attractive, you can't tell me this is comfortable.

2. Sunscreen is your friend. Now I admit, I love having a tan in the summer even though it is probably not the best thing for me or my aging skin. At 34, I really do care about the fine lines and little sun spots that have been making their appearance on my face after each dose of summer sun. So I do try and balance between using sunscreen and getting a little color. Also, the last time I checked getting a sunburn is NOT what I would call attractive on anyone. I don't care if your Giselle freaking Bundchen. Burns are BAD!

Just what the hell is this guy smiling about anyway? That has to hurt.

3. (related to rule number 2) There is such a thing as too tan. Know your limits.

This little boy's face pretty much sums it up.

4. Bathing suits are made for a reason. Now I know that it is easier said than done putting on a bathing suit and strutting your stuff on the beach. For those of you that think you are hiding something by going swimming in shorts and a shirt, I assure you, you are not hiding anything. When you come out of the water soaking wet, your clothes are plastered to your body outlining every inch and hiding nothing you thought it would. Take the plunge and go get yourself a bathing suit that flatters your body type. Now a days they make one for every shape and size on the planet. And if you're really self conscious get a cute matching sarong or cover up to go with it for when your not in the water.

If you are swimming in your clothes to hide your imperfections than I promise that you won't even come close to looking like this upon exiting the water. Don't even try it.

5. Don't allow yourself to be buried in the sand. No matter how much begging and pleading from your children, do not volunteer. It may seem like a great idea at the time, or make a good photo op and you might still feel that way while your buried deeply in the cool damp sand. But you will feel very differently when you spend an hour trying to wash the sand out of every crack and crevice of your nether region. A week later you will still be finding stray specks of sand in your bra and in your panties. A nice reminder to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

Aaaah, sneaky little buggers! Fooling you into believing what fun this is! But now thanks to me, you know better.

And these my friends are my 5 simple little rules to help you make the most of your summer. Now go out there and practice what I just preached!