Is he a keeper or not?

I was really bored this afternoon and I stumbled upon Marica’s facebook profile. I was browsing through it, looking for updates when I saw a link she shared. The title caught my attention and I clicked on the link. And here’s what I got – I’ll cross out some points where that ‘someone’ failed as a keeper.

1. You don’t have to wait three or more hours for a response for a simple text every time you send one.

2. They aren’t embarrassed or put out by introducing you to their friends/including you sometimes in their outings.

3. They are willing to give, or at least share, the last slice of pizza.

4. You are not afraid to be yourself around them — your strange humor, your occasionally awkward mannerisms, your interests in things that other people might consider a waste of time.

5. Even if what you like might not be their favorite thing, they are always willing to give things a try if they are important to you.

6. They don’t fill your Facebook wall with inappropriate “OMG baby it’s been almost a week! Miss u so much!”-esque posts, because no one deserves to have to look at that.

7. They respect not only you, but the people you love in your life — if they are super sweet to you but constantly ragging on your parents/friends, you need to cut them loose.

8. You are both able to communicate honestly with each other about your feelings and needs in the relationship without feeling like it’s going to turn into a horrible fight.

9. They are a firm, enthusiastic believer in cunnilingus. (I cannot relate to this, so I’ll cross it out)

10. You never feel as though they are slumming it or doing a favor by being with you.

11. They surprise you — and not just with random gifts of flowers or chocolate. They are evolving into a better person from being with you (just as you are with them).

12. You don’t have to have some extravagant night in an expensive restaurant in order to both enjoy the evening and feel appreciated.

13. There is never a question as to how they actually feel about you.

14. Sex isn’t used as a placeholder for other emotions that might not be there, or not be there in high enough quantities.

15. They are just as capable of having a ridiculous night in, eating junk food and watching crappy TV, as they are of shining up and attending an important event.

16. Your mom likes them.

17. You are capable of both doing your own thing from time to time without the other becoming irrationally jealous, suspicious, or angry.

18. There is never any doubt that they are thinking of you, that they consider your feelings, and that you are important to their life.

19. You both have generally similar visions of the future, and what you want out of life. (You don’t want there to come a moment where things can go no further because, say, one absolutely wants children and the other absolutely doesn’t.)

20. If you suffer a moment of weakness or need help with something, they are eager to support you and not shame you for being incapable of handling it on your own.

21. If they’re straight, they don’t say f*g, and if they’re white, they don’t say the n-word. (Any keeper needs basic home training.)

22. They don’t make fun of your taste in music/pop culture/entertainment. (Well, a little teasing is fine, but they shouldn’t be seriously judging you over it.)

23. They encourage and support you in pursuing your dreams in life.

24. You feel welcome and comfortable around their family — even if no future in-laws are perfect.

25. There aren’t any secrets between the two of you, or things about yourselves which you feel you need to seriously hide from one another.

26. They are proud of you.

27. There is no pressure for either of you to adhere to strict, completely outdated gender roles — or a feeling that, if you don’t, the other isn’t attracted to you anymore.

28. Your friends enjoy being around them, and generally think that they are a cool person who is good for you.

29. They make you laugh, laugh so hard you can’t breathe, laugh so much that you don’t care if you’re doing your “ugly, weird, cackly/snorty laugh.” (And they love your laugh.)

30. You are capable of having thoughtful, intelligent discussions about subjects that — even if you don’t necessarily agree on the topic at hand — teach both of you something and remain respectful.

32. You reciprocate all of these things for them, and are excited at the prospect of being a better, smarter, more caring person because of the healthy way in which you love one another.

There aren’t many reasons why he isn’t a keeper. But if he is to do this, he’ll probably cross out almost every number for me. Sorry for not making you happy, for not being with you through your darkest times, for not agreeing with your dreams and for not loving you the way you want me to. And thank you, for being always there for me, for always making me smile at your corniest jokes, for supporting my decisions, for seeing me in the way I never see myself, but most of all, for being very very very patient when I throw crappy tantrums and bully you in many other ways.

I hope you find someone who’s a keeper – as much as I find you. Good night.

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Kim is a programmer at day and a wannabe-writer and traveler whenever she has free time. She dreams of quitting her job and wander in places around the world working as a part-timer in various decent jobs.