His depression is my lesson

"His depression is my lesson" is a mantra that took years of pain, heartache and suffering to break through into my conscious mind.

My husband and I had an idyllic relationship. Five years of bliss shattered by a sudden onset of illness which affected every area of our lives. Hopes and dreams lost, a relationships on the verge of collapse, and the beginning of a relentless and punishing ramble through diagnosis, mis-diagnosis and ineffective treatment.

I started a process of grieving our lost perfect future, which eventually led to healing and finally an ultimate transformation which began when I realised that there was nothing I could do about this illness. Slowly feelings of hopelessness dissolved and were replaced with a sense of empowerment. I could not control the illness but I could control my thoughts about the illness.

"His depression is my lesson" allowed me to let go of old irrelevant lifestyle ideals. It led to grand aspirations being replaced with acceptance of a simple life. It opened me to accept a new 'normal'. It spurred me on to seek new ways to nourish my mind, body and spirit. It prompted me to find new friends, new support places and new mentors. Adopting this mantra was the ultimate gift to myself and to my husband.

It did not come easily. Through the process of acquiring this wisdom I regret my offering of support for my husband was on countless occasions, weak and wavering. However, over time we have both come to accept this new 'normal'. I have stubbornly learned, kicking and screaming all the way, that things change and challenges will come and go. Dreams can morph and I can bend with the breeze. To accept someone as they are, to love them when they seem unlovable, or to just hang in there a little longer is a lesson in unconditional love.

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Comments

Carol Libke

A great unveiling of emotion. It's very hard to lay ourselves bare like this. I commend you. Through these types of stories many of us will ultimately learn our life's lessons. Well done.

Sally

I admire your strength and courage during what must have been terribly difficult times. You've obviously worked out what is important in you and your husband's relationship, and been able to take a step back from your own needs and desires many times, in order to selflessly care for him. Remarkably, by doing that, you've found a new way forward, and joy in the process, in the act of unconditional love. Real love is not about ourselves, and what we can gain. Paradoxically, it seems we gain when we give it away. Thanks for your encouragement to my life.

Jane St Catherine

Michelle, this is a touching story of the power of unconditional love. Your growth, transition and courage are very inspirational.

Michelle

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to leave such beautiful and uplifting comments. I truly appreciate all of your very kind words.

lisakays

It affects us in so many different ways and we just aren't made aware of whom is actually living with such a thing I call the bLACK_dog up and down the hills this story is worth reading and I believe we all should be made aware of all signs too look out for and education is a start.I care for people with disadvantages and my it can be a challenging yet rewarding knowing you made some one feel wanted needed.your honesty was very important and I wish the rd ahead bright and colourful.

Kerstin Pilz

This is a touching story that resonates on many levels. It reminded me of one of my favorite Buddhist quotes, which goes something like this: "Accepting the other for what they are, even if they are giving us grief, is the highest form of love." Thanks for sharing your story.

Angela Nomad

Marnie

Thank you for your honesty. It was very touching hearing your side of the story of depression.

Amanda C

Thank you for sharing Michelle, you are a beautiful soul and very courageous. Wishing you and your partner all the best through this time xo

Suzanne Bayliss

Michelle, your story so beautifully reflects the true experience of mental illness for the person, their partner and our relationships. Nicely presented with heartfelt care, love and reality. Thank you for sharing. xx

Bhama Daly

Great story, Michelle, very much in the Taoist philosophy of when the time is right, the teacher arrives. It is far better to learn from one's experiences than ranting and raving about the unfairness of life. Your courage and wisdom reflects this philosophy.

Maureen Clark

Not everyone shows this amount of strength and sacrifice when supporting a loved one with a mental illness. Carers deserve medals. Hang in there.

Sonia Lilley

Thank you Michelle for sharing your story. Beautifully written. X

Carmen

A very courageous journey followed by further courage in sharing your very personal thoughts and life lesson with others. A great example of understanding that the only 'one' thing in this world that we have any control over is how we 'react' to what happens to us or those around us. Once we master controlling our emotion and reaction to life's disappointments and tragedies and turning the negatives into positives and personal growth, the world is our oyster and every day lived well a blessing.

Genevieve

You are brave ,articulate and strong. Well done! And may peace and happiness be there for you always.

Sierra

Certainly a lesson in learning to re-love yourself for the situation you found yourself in. Letting go of the fear of something you couldn't control.

Lisam

You are amazing and are going to inspire many people. Keep moving forward, might feel like baby steps sometimes but at least you are moving.

Elizabeth Elenor

All journeys take conscious awareness... and all growth has it's grief and painful expansion.... Such a beautiful story to hear that you are moving with the flow of life! xxx

Trace721

I love that 'the lesson' is as much about loving yourself as much as loving the other person. Being in a relationship with someone with depression can be a marathon of dis-empowerment - finding a way to be empowered while experiencing that is incredible. I would love to see you share that with the world : )