Am I A “Friend With Benefits” Or Dating This Guy?

Hi Rob,
I have been seeing Charlie* for about 5 months. Charlie* is and engineer and works late, which means its hard to see him regularly because of late shifts. Usually on his early days or days off we’ll get together for dinner or a drink. This results in an over night stay at his place. We have been sleeping together sexually for about 3 months and it is monogamous. I told him that I am attracted to him and his response was “I’m not looking to be in a relationship right now, but I am interested in you.” What’s that mean and how am I supposed to act towards him?

I took the comment as us being friends with benefits. But friends don’t pay for dinner or drinks every time and refuse to take money when someone offers to help out with the bill. I am very confused with how he treats me. I am really into Charlie* and don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I’m not pushy with it but I need a man’s advice on what to in a situation like this. Do I stick around and wait for him to see that I am relationship material or what? Or is it a lost cause and should I just remain friends?
-In a dilemma

Hi dilemma,
He won’t change, you need to.
Change boyfriends, that is.

And I wouldn’t even call him about it. You can be his big loss.

Guys that have ‘friends with benefits’ are the biggest users around. They get everything they want/need without caring how the other person actually feels. I bet you’ve had many sleepless nights wondering what’s going on while he beside you snoring away.

As for him paying the bills, that can be one of two things:
he realizes that he makes more money than you, so he pays, or
he figures it’s the least that he can do, to keep the benefits rolling in (without realizing that he’s practically prostituting you!)

You need to end this and find someone to settle down with, pronto.Best wishes,
Rob.