Sunday, January 15, 2012

On Grace

Well, first of all, that was so rude of your internal
monologue that I just made up to say. Second of all... you do have a point. I
really do.

But this was a paramount incident of stupidity. I knew it
was stupid. And I did it anyway. And I felt bad before I did the stupid thing.
And I felt really bad after the stupid thing. Not immediately after. But it
didn’t take too long.

I didn’t talk to God for a little bit after I did the stupid
thing. I was ashamed and didn’t think I was worthy to have him listen to me.
And finally, I told him just that. That I didn’t deserve to have him hear my
apologies. That I had really blown it and screwed up big time. I didn’t deserve
his mercy or grace.

And I feel like God looked at me for a second. And he looked
at me with a blank expression and then breathed a really loud “Psssshh!” before
bursting out into a major LOL session.

Well, that’s not nice, God. I get that I was stupid, but
must you laugh at me? I mean, you’re the Almighty and I don’t tell you how to
do your job, but sheesh. Ouch.

After God got done doubling over with laughter, he breathed
a big sigh and put his hand on my shoulder. “Bex,” he said, “You didn’t deserve
the mercy and grace before. That’s why it’s called mercy and grace. What makes
you think that this is bigger than anything else you’ve brought to me? Don’t
you realize that I’m God? You’re human. You mess up. Don’t sweat it. Don’t do
it anymore, but don’t sweat it.”

And then he picked up my dirty laundry and through it in the
washing machine. And the nice thing is
that my sins aren’t made of a very durable fabric. They won’t just shrink in
the laundry.