Apparently Riding A Horse Drunk Is Illegal

Getting home from the bars in the wee hours of the morning in a safe and orderly fashion continues to get more difficult as calling in your horse named Tornado to give you a lift is supposedly frowned upon. A man can’t even ride a horse drunk in this country without getting a DUI nowadays.

He’s accused of giving three children ages 2, 2, and 5 horse rides while intoxicated. Kentucky State Police say while the 5-year-old was on the horse, the child was reportedly thrown from the animal.

I can tell you right now who’s gonna be grounded for getting his favorite drunk uncle thrown in jail. Come on, kid. You’re the oldest of the bunch and end up getting chucked from the horse? Momma didn’t raise no bitch and yet drunk uncle Keith gets tossed in the slammer. Way to go, asshole.

Don’t worry. The kid suffered non-life threatening injuries due to the fall. I’m guessing like a sprained ankle and a bruised ego.

After further review, a DUI for riding a horse isn’t terribly uncommon in some areas. States can supposedly designate horses as vehicles, which makes my bar exit strategy this weekend considerably less interesting.

In reality, however, states have the right to classify a horse as a vehicle if it is used as a primary or secondary mode of transportation.
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More specifically, intoxicated horseback riding and horse-drawn carriage driving are illegal in states like:

Pennsylvania
Michigan
Colorado
Kentucky
These and other states are home to large populations of farmers as well as Mennonites, Amish, and other religious groups that rely on horseback riding or cart driving as one of their main modes of transportation.

So there ya go. Yet another thing the Amish have to completely ruin. They’ve already got the furniture market cornered, driving up prices. It’s downright ridiculous.

Shameful that a man can’t ride his own horse while wasted anymore. Times have changed, I guess, and not for the better. Go Peter Nincompoop! Get out of here! I miss you already!.