Most Helpful Girl

Most Helpful Guy

I have a history of anxiety and panic attacks. And when I was in the depth of it I slowly became depressed and concerned that it would never go away.

But I learned a few things during this time.

Becoming free of negative feelings doesn't come from fighting how we feel. We can't "get over" something painful when we're right in the middle of it.

Instead it's actually easier to go "through" it. Accept it basically.

Most of our inner suffering isn't from the tragedies of our lives. It's from how we interpret those traumas, and how we mentally relive them.

The concept of "attachment" for example is something we're improperly taught in North America. Some where along the lines we're taught to embrace attachment. To our stuff. And to people. And to our desires. And to our goals.

Attachment is what brings us suffering when we don't get what we desire, for example.

An easy way to recognize if any of your pain is self-made is by listening to the words you say in your head. If you hear yourself using the word "should" then you're in trouble.

If you believe something like "She SHOULD be with me." or "We SHOULD be together." then you're in trouble.

When ever we think things "should" be a certain way we SHOULD all over ourselves. It's just a nonsense way of explain the world to ourselves, even when it denies reality.

Reality is that when we love another person, and that person chooses to not love us back, that's okay. That's reality. Every person deserves to choose whom they chase or love or hate. There is no "should."

This is a long ramble to say this...

1) You're going to be okay, even if right now you're not.

2) Don't waste time complaining to yourself how things "should be."

3) Only allow yourself to ponder what went wrong on one weekend. And learn from what you remember... if there's things that you could do that make you a better man, learn them. If she's just crazy, recognize that too. Be honest about it. BUT ONLY DO THIS ONCE.

Mulling over past traumas for more than a few days is just mental masterbation and it's gross.

4) We FEEL what we THINK ABOUT. So give yourself permission to mourn the loss for a few nights, then stop it. Focus on what you want next, not what you can't have now.

It's okay to LOVE someone without being with them. That's true love.. letting them go with love, and without attachment or resentment. That's growth.

damn thats a hard one. really it just takes time , and it can be a long time depending on how deep in you were. i took two years once, not the initial grief but til i was at the point where i could go a whole day and not think of her.another thing is if you hook up with someone hotter and thats a better person you will realise that they were actualy just a piece of shit and you deserve way better