“Women from less desperate areas would always insist that I put a seat on my bike. My Mainer wife doesn’t care what I do as long as there’s food and coffee brandy in the house. We couldn’t be happier. Thanks, Dirigo Brides!”

-Jimmy, Massachusetts

“You wouldn’t believe the hang-ups that some women have about marrying someone as hopelessly retarded as I am. Not Cheryl, my Dirigo Bride. As long as my disability checks keep coming, she’s mine!”

-Dougie, Pennsylvania

“I’m thrilled to have a woman who doesn’t demand cash. Housing and food in exchange for loveless sex seems so much less tawdry!”