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WHO’S USELESS NOW?

We’re a bit short this week, as I’ve been busy being gainfully employed. Naturally, this has curtailed the amount of time I can spend writing for you, but A: they pay me and B: I have an ID photo that’s not too bad, which is a nice change for me, given that my driver’s license makes me look like I’m about to commit an act of jihad. (ASIO, I’m joking. Please don’t break down my door)

Anyhow, we’re here to talk about one particular item of news. You might say there’s been a deluge on this subject, possibly a flood or maybe a drenching. Certainly a shower, or maybe an oversaturation. Calling it a tsumani is more than a bit tacky, but it’s certainly more than a drizzle.

What could have produced such an ocean of watery attempts at humour? Well, it’s finally been confirmed that Jason Momoa is playing Aquaman in Batman vs Superman. As you remember, it was rumoured a few months back, but no-one had the decency to actually confirm anything until now. As far as I’m concerned, this is a really good thing – Momoa’s a fine actor who has the physicality to pull it off. That and given his early stint on Baywatch Hawaii, he’s used to wandering around wearing little, which I’m confident will be part of the marketing. (Look at what Marvel did with Thor for starters…)

My biggest worry is that Snyder will GRIMDARK it up, also my biggest complaint about Man of Steel – Superman walking the Earth to find himself was an interesting interpretation, but the orgy of destruction that was the end of the film just didn’t seem right to me. That’s not what I go to see a Superman film for – he’s the guy you look at and think ‘If only more people were like him’, rather than the guy who broke Metropolis. I guess I like seeing heroes who are enjoying themselves, like Chris Evan’s Johnny Storm in the otherwise forgettable Fantastic Four films. That might be my love of Batman: The Brave and the Bold talking, but that show’s Aquaman was amazing. If it’s wrong to want a hero who thinks everything is OUTRAGEOUS, who calls people ‘old chum’ and bursts into song from time to time then I DON’T WANT TO BE RIGHT.

How can you not love that?

That wasn’t the first piece of news though – earlier in the week Zack Snyder was on his way to work and heard two radio DJ’s making fun of Aquaman, so he proceeded to call in to defend him. (It’s worth noting this is pre-announcement, give the ‘Not to say he’s in my movie’ denial) So, Zack Snyder, you had my curiosity, now you have my attention. By way of apology, I take back two of the horrible things I said about Man of Steel!

To top it all off, there’s word that Warners is working on not one but two scripts for an Aquaman solo feature. Apparently, this is to ensure the best quality script while ensuring it meets deadlines, but to me it’s a shitty thing to do to a writer. I get you want to get a movie into production, but making writers compete in some sort of script writing Thunderdome doesn’t guarantee you a better film, just more stress and one guy pissed off his script wasn’t chosen.

Look, I’ve made my fair sure of jokes in the past, when I probably shouldn’t have. As my wife pointed out, Namor doesn’t get jokes made about him, but who outside of comic’s fans has heard of Namor? I guess all I can hope for is the movie takes a character best known for being a joke and make him awesome again, the way he should be. And failing that, I’d be happy with footage of Jason Momoa singing the ‘Rousing Song of Heroism,’ if that’s not too much to ask?