Author
Topic: "No" on match.com (Read 34546 times)

Ha! Just used this today. A guy on Match.com e-mailed me, but I wasn't interested. But he persisted. Here's our exchange, which took place over a series of days:

HIM:good morning princess!

ME:Hi,

Thanks for contacting me, but I don't think we're a match.

Good luck with your search!

: )

HIM: and why is that? race??

ME:Nope. That's not it.

HIM:well tell me what i'm doing wrong? i think i'm a great catch. i have two jobs that pay really good. i'm a purchasing manager for the port of BigCity and i'm a pilot for BigAirline. i see you were from OtherCity i'm from NearbyCity

ME:There's nothing WRONG with you -- we're just not a match.

Sorry. : (

HIM:how did you came up with that?

ME:Look, I'm trying to be nice, but you're making it hard for me to remain that way. No one has ever complained/whined/questioned/bullied me into dating him. "No" is a complete sentence. Give it up.

I don't know, maybe he's gotten so many rejections he's wondering what on earth is wrong with him, so he askes for some feedback. I don't know date sites, but wouldn't that be a nice thing to do ('I had a look at your profile but i think we're a little too different'), or is it not done?

I know 'no' is a full sentence, but wouldn't it be just a little friendlier? It seems like such a cold brush off, otherwise. (I haven't dated in a long time though, so don't really know the ropes...)

I don't know, maybe he's gotten so many rejections he's wondering what on earth is wrong with him, so he askes for some feedback. I don't know date sites, but wouldn't that be a nice thing to do ('I had a look at your profile but i think we're a little too different'), or is it not done?

I know 'no' is a full sentence, but wouldn't it be just a little friendlier? It seems like such a cold brush off, otherwise. (I haven't dated in a long time though, so don't really know the ropes...)

In my experience, when Person A contacts Person B and Person B isn't interested, Person B simply ignores the e-mail. So in the world of online dating, the fact that I even responded is considered nice. And he didn't seem to be asking for constructive criticism (I've had guys do that before) -- he was arguing with me about why I should give him a chance.

Lucky you that you haven't dated in a long time! (I'm assuming you're in a relationship.) It's brutal out here!

I don't know, maybe he's gotten so many rejections he's wondering what on earth is wrong with him, so he askes for some feedback. I don't know date sites, but wouldn't that be a nice thing to do ('I had a look at your profile but i think we're a little too different'), or is it not done?

I know 'no' is a full sentence, but wouldn't it be just a little friendlier? It seems like such a cold brush off, otherwise. (I haven't dated in a long time though, so don't really know the ropes...)

Sorry, but that exchange wasn't a man puzzled about why he wasn't a match. That's a man who believes that women can be bullied into doing anything, if he keeps poking at them for explanations. "Friendliness" won't work. Giving him explanations is like trying to explain to a telemarketer why you don't want to buy what they're selling. They don't honestly want to know WHY you don't want it, they just want you to buy it, and if you don't get rid of them quickly, they'll try to wear you down.

lilfaerhie

(I'd be tempted to tell him we were not a match because I could never date someone who says, "I have two jobs that pay really good.")

my first thought, lol! yes, that was a pushy jerk not a guy looking for constructive criticism. you have to treat him like a child begging for sweets - just say "no". if you give them anything else they will use it as leverage to try to reason with you about why they should have the sweets. they can't argue (though some try) with no.