Lafayette Indiana Therapist | Buck Black, LCSW | Counselinghttp://www.buckblack.com
enRagehttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/rage
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<p>By <a href="http://www.trailertruckintech.com/who-is-sandy-long.html">Sandy Long</a></p>
<p>Everyone has a temper, some are slow to anger, some can get angry in a heartbeat. Controlling that anger is where the key lies. Anger control should be learned as children and taught by parents, this is learned behavior for children, or should be. Unfortunately, many children are not taught how to handle anger constructively. </p>
<p>Anne (an alias) was born to a woman who had lost a child nine months before Anne’s birth and who had been sexually abused by her father, Anne’s grandfather. Outwardly, Anne’s mom was the perfect lady, inwardly, she was a seething mass of anger that she had little control over in private. Anne grew up being physically and mentally abused. She was expected to present a cheerful face at all times, never to cry, or show any sadness or hurt, if she did, the abuse was intensified. She learned to pack away those emotions.</p>
<p>By the time Anne got to be a teenager, she was also filled with anger and did not have a clue how to deal with it, except to lose her temper violently at times when it became overwhelming. She was just like her mother in that aspect, it was what she learned after all, at her mother’s knee. Most of the anger, Anne directed towards herself, as a young adult, she exhibited self-destructive, self-defeating behavior. She got into drugs, alcohol and promiscuous behavior, she became a runner, a person who ran from problems when they got too bad. This went on for years, until Anne finally accepted the fact that she needed help, so sought counselling with a professional.</p>
<p>Anne had to literally go back and learn what she should have learned as a child, it was ok to feel emotions as they occurred so they did not get packed away and how to deal with them. No one is happy all of the time and it is ok. Anne and her counsellor developed a procedure for Anne to deal with anger. If Anne felt anger, she learned to stop a minute and think about why she was angry and if it was justified, then she learned how to communicate that anger constructively to solve the issue rather than get violent. It was hard work, and took years, but Anne persevered, and while she still occasionally has some issues, she is able to deal with her emotions.</p>
<p>Uncontrolled rage and anger is seen more often these days in violent acts of road rage, going postal, and in hate crimes. Are all the perpetrators like Anne, of course not, many come from the flip side of the coin. These are people who think only they matter, that their emotions override everyone else’s, many refer to this as thoughts of entitlement. It is Joes’ road he is driving on, how dare someone block him for two seconds, he rams their car, or attacks them. Sally is harassed at her job, instead of working through the issues, she brings a gun to work to shoot her co-workers who she feels hurt her. Riots with looting and destruction break out due to an election, people are injured, businesses are destroyed.</p>
<p>These types are the result of poor education as children too. Parents are too busy often times to spend quality time with their children, so give into their every wish. Schools allow children to be disrespectful towards teachers, bus drivers and other children out of fear of litigation. Furthermore, children are no longer taught it is how you play the game, not whether one wins something for just participating. Without intervention, they grow up to think that they are therefore they deserve.</p>
<p>There are times when anger is justified, if someone is injuring someone else for instance. However, if the anger is ruling someone’s life, and making them and their associates miserable, it is time to find help to deal with it, before someone is injured badly. Anger management counselling and coaching is available for those who seek it out. Like Anne, one might need to go back and deal with childhood abuse and relearn the basics. Whatever it takes, it is worth it not to have to deal with the stress of being perpetually in a rage, or angry all of the time. Life will become much more peaceful and fulfilling.</p>
<p> </p>
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</ul>Wed, 09 Aug 2017 16:21:52 +0000buckblack6668 at http://www.buckblack.comhttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/rage#commentsHelping Someone Through Grief: 7 Tipshttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/helping-someone-through-grief-7-tips
<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>One of the most common concerns people have is knowing what to say or do when a loved one dies. When it happens, even within our own families, we often don’t know what to say or do. Others don’t know what to say to us. So often, the response is to say or do nothing. The avoidance comes not out of a lack of compassion but out of a fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.</p>
<p> It’s an all-too-common dilemma that we face. Here are some <a href="http://thriveworks.com/fredericksburg-counseling/">counseling</a> tips for supporting someone through this very confusing time.</p>
<p><em>Tips for Expressing Support</em></p>
<ol><li><em>Ask how the person is feeling or doing</em>. Yes, they are grieving but the feelings that come with grief can be many and complicated. Avoid saying, “I know how you feel.” You don’t. You may have experienced similar loss and can empathize but your experience is unique to you. Simply asking “how are you doing” or “how are you feeling” shows care, concern and respect for the person’s loss.</li>
<li><em>It’s ok to say “I don’t know what to say.” </em>That statement shows a genuineness in your caring for the person’s loss. Not every expression of condolence has to be a flowery, emotion-laden speech. Sometimes a simple act of reaching out conveys the most powerful support.</li>
<li><em>Ask what you can do. “What can I do to support you?” </em>Sometimes the grieving person needs support but is reluctant to reach out. At the moment, they may not know what they need. That’s ok. Offering support opens the door for reaching out later.</li>
<li><em>Acknowledge the loss. </em>Sometimes we hear about someone’s loss but don’t see them until much later. Acknowledging the loss expresses caring. “I heard your mom died. I’m sorry.” It’s ok to use the word “died.”</li>
<li><em>Be willing to share silent moments.</em> Sometimes a grieving person is not ready to talk about their pain but needs emotional support. Don’t let the discomfort of an “awkward silence” convince you that you aren’t “doing” anything for the person. One very powerful way to support someone is to simply sit with them. Your physical presence can provide a sense of calm and peace for the person in pain. A smile, a nod, the squeeze of a hand is sometimes all that is needed.</li>
<li><em>Avoid spiritual or religious references. </em>Unless you know for certain the person’s beliefs, making reference to things like “God’s plan” or their loved one “being in a better place” may be quite upsetting or hurtful. They may be angry or conflicted about the loss and their beliefs.</li>
<li><em>Let the person speak about the death.</em> We often want to avoid topics that may upset someone. The fact is, being able to talk about the experience can be cathartic and healing. They may tell the story over and over. Doing so helps the person to process and make sense of what has happened. Listen patiently.</li>
</ol><p> It isn’t always easy to know what to say to when someone dies. A good rule of thumb is to speak kindly and from the heart.</p>
<p> If you or a loved one is struggling with a loss, a grief counselor can provide counseling and support to those grieving, or offer guidance to those who want to help support a loved one.</p>
<p>This article is provided by the mental health editorial team at Thriveworks, now celebrating the newly established <a href="http://thriveworks.com/fredericksburg-counseling/">Thriveworks Fredericksburg Counseling</a>.</p>
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</ul>Sun, 23 Oct 2016 17:16:41 +0000buckblack6667 at http://www.buckblack.comhttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/helping-someone-through-grief-7-tips#commentsPost Holidayshttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/post-holidays
<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Starting in 2005, a British Psychologist, Cliff Arnall, believed that he calculated the most depressing day of the year.</p>
<!--break--><p> He calls this Blue Monday and it occurs in mid to late January each year. <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/blue-monday-saddest-day-year-find-silver-lining-article-1.1007082">http://www.nydailynews.com/news/blue-monday-saddest-day-year-find-silver-lining-article-1.1007082</a></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arnall calculates this date on weather conditions, debt level (the difference between debt accumulated and our ability to pay), time since Christmas, time since failing our new year’s resolutions, low motivational levels and feeling of a need to take action.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There is debate about the legitimacy of Blue Monday and it is more likely to have a 30 second spot on the morning news as an oddity, rather than a legitimate event. In spite of the controversy about this day, I believe there is some truth to the idea that there are several events in January that can add to depression.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sunlight can have an impact on a person’s mental health. With the lack of sunlight, usually starting in November, people often begin to feel more depressed. In the more extreme cases, a person would be diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder. The summertime usually has the opposite effect and allows for much more happiness and energy. What kind of summertime activities can be carried over to wintertime? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was there family drama? If so, it is important to find a way to patch up the relationships with your family so there is not an extended feeling of depression and anger. Often, a phone call or going to lunch is a great way to cut through the tension and find ways to make up and move on. If the problem is ignored, it will likely be here for the rest of the season</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Did you overspend? It is so common for people to get caught up in the giving spirit of the holiday season that they spend more than they can afford. As a result, credit cards come due in January and maybe there is no money to pay the upcoming bills. What is your financial plan to pay off your debts? Is there a need to contact a consumer credit counseling agency to help? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>What do you have to look forward to? You probably won’t have a day off work for the next five months. There won’t be any more gatherings, gifts or excitement for a while. It is important to make time to have social contact, hobbies, and other activities. Just because the holidays are over, it does not mean there is nothing to do.</p>
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</ul>Sun, 03 Jan 2016 15:35:51 +0000buckblack6665 at http://www.buckblack.comhttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/post-holidays#commentsNO FACE TO MENTAL ILLNESS http://www.buckblack.com/blog/no-face-mental-illness
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<p><span style="font-size: 13.008px; line-height: 1.538em;">By Angela Kilgore</span></p>
<p>As you can see by these pictures, there is no face to mental illness. In reality these people are just pictures that I got off the internet.</p>
<p>“Fact: 43.8 million adults experience mental illness in a given year” (Mental Health Facts in America).</p>
<!--break--><p>“Nearly 1 in 25 (10 million) adults in America live with a serious mental illness” (Mental Health Facts in America).</p>
<p>“One-half of all chronic mental illness begins by the age of 14; three-quarters by the age of 24”. (Mental Health Facts in America)</p>
<p><a href="/sites/default/files/Faces%20of%20mental%20illness.pptx.pdf" style="font-size: 13.008px; line-height: 1.538em;" target="_blank">View Angela's slide show</a></p>
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</ul>Wed, 25 Nov 2015 19:30:26 +0000buckblack6664 at http://www.buckblack.comhttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/no-face-mental-illness#commentsThank you Warren Buffetthttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/thank-you-warren-buffett
<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>I recently wrote this thank you letter to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_Buffett" target="_blank">Warren Buffett</a>. His great role modeling is what compelled me to write my first letter to a celebrity. He has some great talks on youtube.</p>
<!--break-->
<h2 align="center"> </h2>
<h2 align="center">Buck Black LCSW, LCAC</h2>
<div align="center">
<hr align="center" size="2" width="100%" /></div>
<p align="center"><span style="font-size: 13.0080003738403px; line-height: 1.538em;">100 Saw Mill Road, Suite 3102</span></p>
<p align="center">Lafayette, Indiana 47905</p>
<p align="center"><a href="http://www.BuckBlack.com">www.BuckBlack.com</a></p>
<p align="center">765-807-6778</p>
<p> </p>
<p><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_Buffett" target="_blank">Mr. Warren Buffett</a></p>
<p>3555 Farnam Street</p>
<p>Suite 1440</p>
<p>Omaha, NE 68131</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dear Mr. Buffett,</p>
<p>Thank you for being a teacher and an amazing role model for our society. I am a licensed therapist and Certified Financial Social Worker who helps couples with money problems, as well as anger, stress, and various relationship problems. Each day, many of my clients insist in going into debt in order to buy things they cannot afford. They think this will make them happy. Often, they have difficulty believing that material things often bring unhappiness because they are liabilities and not assets. When I hear you discuss how one car makes you happy and having five additional cars will not improve your satisfaction with life, that is a breath of fresh air. When you talk about how you live, you are being such a great role model to others.</p>
<p>As a person who works in the social work field, I frequently hear colleagues complain they do not make enough money. Also, there are times at dinner parties when others will make assumptions that my wife and I are miserable and poor because I am a psychotherapist. It was very refreshing to hear your statement that no one regrets working in a profession that helps others and earns a modest amount of money, compared to those who have made a great deal of money and regrets that they did not contribute to society.</p>
<p>Thank you again for all of your encouraging statements and great role modeling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sincerely,<br /> </p>
<p>Buck Black LCSW, LCAC <br /><a href="http://www.buckblack.com" style="line-height: 1.538em;">BuckBlack.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.truckertherapy.com" style="line-height: 1.538em;">TruckerTherapy.com</a></p>
<p> </p>
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</ul>Fri, 17 Oct 2014 19:53:32 +0000buckblack6660 at http://www.buckblack.comhttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/thank-you-warren-buffett#commentsTherapy Can Change Your Life.http://www.buckblack.com/blog/therapy-can-change-your-life
<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>We all have something in our life that we want to change. If someone says there is nothing to change, this should be a problem in and of itself. </p>
<!--break--><p> How do people create change in their lives? Altering thoughts, modifying behaviors, setting goals, and creating/maintaining relationships are all great catalysts. Therapy is a way to help facilitate these behaviors.</p>
<p>My goal as a therapist is to help hold you accountable on the changes you wish to make. I do this by asking about your goals and how you are coming along. I also help with creating ideas that will add to these change behaviors. Therapy is a short-term process, but can have very a very long lasting impact. Once you change your habits and learn more about yourself, your life will begin to improve. If you do even more homework by reading self help books and challenge yourself to achieve even greater goals, you will continue to grow as a person.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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</ul>Mon, 03 Mar 2014 02:18:16 +0000buckblack6658 at http://www.buckblack.comA Certified Financial Social Work Counselor's (CFSW) Thoughts on Moneyhttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/certified-financial-social-work-counselors-cfsw-thoughts-money
<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>1. How do you define the term, “Living within your means?”</p>
<p>First, you need to make sure you are spending less per month than you earn.</p>
<!--break-->
<p><img alt="" src="/sites/default/files/Money_closeup.jpg" style="width: 300px; height: 200px; float: right; margin-left: 4px; margin-right: 4px;" />Secondly, you need to insure that you are saving money for retirement and have at least a 6-month emergency fund.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>2. What is the difference of “living within your means” and “living below your means”?</p>
<p>I think of living below your means as saving a substantial amount of money... beyond the 6 month emergency fund, retirement, and any other basic savings necessities.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>3. Can you provide at least five tips a person can use when adjusting to a life within their means?</p>
<ul><li>Don't try to keep up with the Joneses</li>
<li>If it has wheels, it will cost you a lot of money--don't buy extra cars and buy used cars instead of new. Do you really need a boat?</li>
<li>Limit the number of times you dine out</li>
<li>Refurbished anything is cool</li>
<li>Use items until they wear out. You will be surprised how long clothing and vehicles can actually last.</li>
<li>Buy in bulk, including services</li>
<li>If you can't pay cash for it, calculate the amount of interest you will pay. This may be enough to change your mind.</li>
<li>Its old fashioned, but don't buy it unless you have the money for it.</li>
<li>The reward will be reduced anxiety regarding your finances.</li>
</ul><p> </p>
<p>4. How important is creating a budget? How in depth and detailed should a person’s budget be? In your experience, what are the fundamental factors in creating a budget?</p>
<p>It depends who you talk to. Many say budgets are over rated. However, I think one needs to know how much it costs for one month to live. They also need to know how much they need to save per month to retire at the the age they wish and what lifestyle that will provide. Make sure that you and your partner agree on a budget. Remember, entrainment needs to be part of your budget. You should still be able to have fun!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>5. How important is savings and a savings account?</p>
<p>Savings are very important. If you can have enough savings to live for six months with no income, won't you feel more relaxed? What if you have an unexpected expense, such as a major car repair, health problem, your furnace breaks, etc. There are some purchases and repairs that cannot be delayed. Also, you might want to go on vacation or buy something fun for yourself. If you have saved money and you are contributing to your retirement account, you should treat yourself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A savings account is very important. Don't throw all of your money into your checking account. The main reason is that it is much easier to see this money set aside for savings and it is easier to see if you are meeting your goal. Also, you will receive a tremendously small amount of interest. One day, when interest rates rise, you will earn a more respectable amount. I like money market accounts because they pay a higher interest rate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>6. In your opinion, what is the most important, yet overlooked, rule of living within your means?</p>
<p>You can be happy without doing or having expensive things. When I buy something, I ask myself, "Will this make me a happier person?". Usually the answer is no. However, my 2002 car recently had a major mechanical problems and buying another car made me happy. When I did not have problems with my old car, buying another would not have increased my life satisfaction dramatically. I want you to be happy and realize that material items do not create lasting happiness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>7. What do you think is the biggest challenge in one’s pursuit to living within their means?</p>
<p>Need for instant gratification, poor relationship with money, keeping up with the Joneses, poor spending habits modeled by family and society</p>
<p> </p>
<p>8. What negative and/or positive effect have you seen with clients and/or yourself who strive and are successful with living within their means?</p>
<p>Positives:</p>
<p>Less worry about finances, working to live a nice life instead of being a slave to material objects, a set retirement age, the ability to give to charities that are important to you</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Negatives:</p>
<p>hearing criticisms that your house/car/etc is not as nice as others, not having the biggest/latest/greatest items,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>9. What is a small, everyday expense that takes away a big part of one’s income?</p>
<p>Frequent lunches at work ($7 lunch times 5 days=$35 per week. That’s almost $150 per month), going out to eat in general, convenience stores are a huge money drain because people will make frequent purchases of $5 or less,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>10. Is important for a person to “splurge” periodically?</p>
<p>Life should be enjoyed. If you are extreme about saving, you will not enjoy life. Remember, money is a means to an end and not an end in and of itself. Buy things that make you and your loved ones happy. Take vacations you can afford because it will help your mental health.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>11. Do you advise your clients to have an emergency fund? If so, why and how much money?</p>
<p>Yes, at least 6 months of living expenses. What if you lose your job? Remember 2008? What if you have a significant unexpected cost...car or house repair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>12. Is there anything else you would like to add?</p>
<p>Not only is it important to save money, but it is also important to earn money. If you live a life of denying yourself, that is not fun. If you can increase your income, you can afford to buy some fun things in life. So, living within your means will be more fun and enjoyable if you can also raise your income.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tips on finding a financial advisor:</p>
<p>Check your financial advisor out! You can go to the FINRA website and put in their name and find anything related to the industry about them. Any education info, any violations, client complains. How long in business and where. Ask for other Client's names for recommendations.</p>
<p> </p>
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</ul>Wed, 01 Jan 2014 03:22:07 +0000buckblack6657 at http://www.buckblack.comhttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/certified-financial-social-work-counselors-cfsw-thoughts-money#commentsWork and Leisure?http://www.buckblack.com/blog/work-and-leisure
<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/worklife/05/11/weisure" target="_blank">Weisure</a> is the term. It refers to the mix of work and leisure. Since virtually everyone is connected, it is so difficult to leave work at work. Is it a bad thing?</p>
<!--break--><p> Many say that work has become fun and is a huge joy in life. Why not mix work and leisure? It could be more productive and satisfying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I enjoy technology and am guilty of weisure on a regular basis. However, balance is the key. If one obsesses over his or her work, this lack of relaxation is destructive. It is important to be able to find a way to relax and enjoy life. Remember that you work to live, instead of live to work.</p>
<p style="text-align: right;"><img alt="" src="/sites/default/files/weisure.jpg" style="width: 540px; height: 304px;" /></p>
<p>Our mobile devices can be so fun, rewarding, and exciting to use. It can be difficult to imagine life with out them. What was it like the last time you left your phone behind? Was it sheer panic when you discovered this mistake? Now let me ask you this: When was the last time you wanted to throw your phone out the window because someone would not leave you alone or its just one of those days that everything is going wrong and you just want some peace?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I urge my clients to disable many of the sounds and notifications for their mobile devices. There are plenty of times that I become nervous during a therapy session with all the dings, pings, bells, and whistles emanating from my client’s phone. How can a person go through a day with alerts every few minutes or seconds and be able to concentrate on the task at hand. Personally, my phone vibrates for a text and rings for a call. That’s it! I don’t feel like I have an electronic tether. I’ll get the rest of my notifications when I look at my phone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Let your mobile devices enhance your time off. Use them to keep in touch with the office, but spend more time doing the things you want to do. For example, maybe you can take more time off (by even staying at home) if you can respond to messages at predetermined times in the day. That way you can use the rest of the day to relax at home, do a bit of traveling, or whatever else might be relaxing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remember:</p>
<p> </p>
<ul><li>Leave work at work
<ul><li>Literally
<ul><li>Leave the paperwork behind.</li>
<li>Turn your phone off when you can, or at least disable some of the notifications</li>
<li>Use your mobile devices to have more freedom when you are away from work</li>
</ul></li>
</ul></li>
</ul><p style="margin-left:1.5in;"> </p>
<ul><li>Figuratively
<ul><li>Find positive things to concentrate on in your life, instead of dwelling on work issues while at home.</li>
<li>Spend plenty of time doing social activities.</li>
</ul></li>
</ul><p> </p>
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</ul>Tue, 26 Nov 2013 05:07:49 +0000buckblack6655 at http://www.buckblack.comRise of Opiate Use Is Not the Answer to Relive Stresshttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/rise-opiate-use-not-answer-relive-stress
<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>According to figures from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in 2010 12 million people in the US <a href="http://www.nbcnews.com/health/opiate-addiction-how-prescription-painkillers-pave-way-heroin-817543" target="_blank">used opiate drugs</a> for purposes other than pain relief. </p>
<p><!--break--></p>
<p>Abuse of prescription drugs such as morphine, oxycodone and codeine is a far bigger problem than use of heroin and many people are turning to opiates as a way to help them deal with stress. Prescription opiates are able to do this, as although they take longer to reach the brain than injected heroin, once there they exert similar effects. In the central nervous system these drugs bind to opioid receptors which not only aids pain relief but triggers feelings of pleasure, calm and well-being as well. However, they are not the answer for stress relief, as their use is associated with a number of adverse consequences. Only by addressing the root of the problem and <a href="http://buckblack.com/stress-management" target="_blank">developing appropriate strategies</a> can stress be safely and successfully managed.</p>
<div dir="ltr">
<p><strong>Problems associated with opiate use</strong></p>
<p>Although someone may start taking an opiate drug casually to help with stress relief, with repeated use dependency can develop and addiction can set in when someone loses control of their use, which can interfere with everything from self-care and relationships to holding down a job. Besides addiction, <a href="http://drugabuse.com/library/the-effects-of-vicodin-use/" target="_blank">the long-term effects of vicodin use</a> and of other opiate drugs include increased risk of liver damage and over dose owing to the tolerance that develops, with users taking increasingly larger doses to exert the same effects. Studies in animals also indicate that far from helping with stress, <a href="http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2005/08/opiate.aspx" target="_blank">opiates leave you more susceptible to stress</a>. Why this occurs is still unknown, but it has been suggested that these drugs may stimulate genes related to anxiety that mean the nervous system is more sensitive to the effects of stress. Drug taking to ease stress may therefore be futile and helps at least in part to explain why even ex-users of heroin, morphine and other opiates are more likely to suffer from anxiety and related problems.</p>
<p>If you feel you have developed a dependency to these medications it is advisable that you don’t stop abruptly. Instead seek professional help to allow the symptoms of withdrawal to be managed and for you to receive the necessary support to allow you to successfully quit. This is particularly important if you have used a number of different drugs or are also relying heavily on alcohol, as unsupported withdrawal in these instances can be life-threatening.</p>
<p><strong>Managing stress naturally</strong></p>
<p>If you are reading this and were contemplating the use of opiates to help you through stressful days, you’ll now appreciate that this is inadvisable. However, what alternatives can you use to help you manage your stress?</p>
<p>Regular exercise is associated with <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/exercise-and-stress/SR00036" target="_blank">reductions in anxiety</a> and feelings of stress. Physical activity induces a natural high through the production of endorphins and you may well find that you can carry this optimism forward to face whatever it is creating stress in your life. Exercising also helps you to remove your focus from whatever is troubling you, providing respite from negative feelings. If you have a hectic schedule and don’t think you have time to fit activity into your day, just 30 minutes of exercise can be beneficial and it doesn’t all have to be undertaken at once.</p>
<p>When <a href="http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/ask-the-expert/stress-and-insomnia" target="_blank">feeling stressed</a> your sleeping patterns can be disrupted, but this in itself can reinforce stress, as it heightens anxiety and can lead to changes in hormone levels which independently increase anxiety. Getting back into a regular routine of when you go to bed and when you wake, preparing yourself for sleep by winding down and creating an environment that encourages sleep can all help.</p>
<p>Identify what triggers stress in your life can assist you to develop strategies to help you deal with these contributing factors. If you have developed other problems as a result of your stress such as anger or difficulties in your relationship, these too can be explored and plans for how to approach these issues developed. Although you might be able to carry out some basic groundwork around these areas yourself, seeking more specialist help will provide further guidance and <a href="http://www.buckblack.com/handouts/anxiety_coping_statements.pdf" target="_blank">helpful techniques</a> that you can use to better manage your stress.</p>
</div>
<div> </div>
<p><em>About the author:</em><br /><em>Eve Pearce spent a decade working as a nutritionist before motherhood made her change her outlook. Now she enjoys working from home as a writer, while still discussing the topics and issues that made her earlier career. When not writing, she likes to take long walks with her dogs, though sometimes it feels like they are taking her for a walk.</em></p>
<p> </p>
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</ul>Tue, 19 Nov 2013 15:37:23 +0000buckblack6654 at http://www.buckblack.comhttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/rise-opiate-use-not-answer-relive-stress#commentsDepression in a Partner - How To Copehttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/depression-partner-how-cope
<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Depression is a major problem in Western society, affecting more and more people every year. When a partner is afflicted with this horrible disease, it can put a huge strain on a relationship.</p>
<!--break--><p> While one partner becomes emotionally withdrawn, unmotivated, and perpetually sad, the other may become worried, frustrated, or wonder if this change is permanent and the person they love is lost forever. Depression is still a misunderstood condition. Its attendant emotions are very difficult for someone not suffering from it to comprehend, and even harder to witness in a loved one. If your partner is suffering from depression, the best thing to do is to seek <a href="http://buckblack.com/" target="_blank">professional help</a> - both for their own sake and the sake of your relationship. Alongside this, there are a few important points to take on board to help you to understand, cope with, and help your suffering loved one.</p>
<p><strong>Do Not Blame Yourself</strong></p>
<p>When a partner becomes miserable, withdrawn, and lackluster, it is all too easy to begin apportioning blame. Often people blame themselves for their loved one’s melancholy, believing that they are no longer making their partner happy – or, indeed, that they are actively making them unhappy. This causes anxiety, stress, and sadness, and can exacerbate the problem as one partner makes increasingly misguided and attempts to rectify the situation. Self-blame – especially when it is unjustified – is deeply emotionally harmful, and can render you as depressed as your partner. It is important to remember that depression can strike anyone, for a variety of reasons – many of which are medical or completely unrelated to your relationship. While you may feel responsible for your partner’s emotional well-being, and frustratingly inadequate when that well-being fails, try not to think of their sadness as your fault. Concentrate on making them feel better, rather than worrying about what went wrong in the first place.</p>
<p><strong>Do Not Judge Them</strong></p>
<p>Some, on the other hand, may blame the depressed person for their state of mind. This may seem harsh but it is surprisingly common - and more understandable than you may think. From the outside, depression is a bewildering phenomenon. There can be a temptation to wonder why a depressed partner is ‘wallowing’ in their misery rather than getting to grips with their emotions and taking steps to cheer themselves up. It can be frustrating to witness someone doing what in your opinion is moping around rather than pulling on their boots and getting on with their lives. Blaming a depressed person for their state of mind, however, demonstrates a deep misunderstanding of the condition, and will only make things much worse. From the inside, depression is an appalling trap of sickeningly horrible thought and emotion from which it is nigh on impossible to escape. Depressed people are often afflicted with a constant barrage of personal negativity from inside their own heads – and blaming them for the way they are feeling and acting will only make them <a href="http://www.livescience.com/20739-depression-guilt-blame.html" target="_blank">feel worse</a> about themselves. Self-blame and a feeling that the negative judgment of others is completely justified are symptomatic of depressive thought cycles, so calling them out on their behavior or blaming them for their condition will merely <a href="http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/one-hardest-things-anxiety-depression-fear-of-judgement" target="_blank">confirm all their suspicions</a> and drive them deeper into their misery. If you really do find you partner’s depression hard to understand and cope with, try talking gently to them about the way they are feeling. This may help you to sympathize rather than to blame.</p>
<p><strong>Understand Postpartum Depression</strong></p>
<p>In our child-adoring Western culture, one of the hardest forms of depression to understand is postpartum depression. This afflicts a high percentage of women, from all demographics and socio-economic situations, yet it still remains a deeply misunderstood condition. In a culture which sanctifies motherhood and waxes lyrical about the depth and joys of the mother-child bond, a mother who is depressed rather than suffused with nurturing happiness after the birth of her baby may seem like a worrying aberration. This is not the case. It is believed that postpartum depression is caused by changes in hormone levels following a birth, and it in no way means that your partner does not want or love her baby. If you are struggling to understand <a href="http://www.psychguides.com/guides/living-with-postpartum-depression/" target="_blank">how to cope with postpartum depression</a> at the same time as looking after the exhausting demands of a new baby, it may be a good idea to seek professional help or the support of friends and relatives. Above all, it is important not to judge or take out your frustrations upon the mother of your child. One of the worst things about postpartum depression is that sufferers often experience the lonely feeling that they have <a href="http://www.mommyish.com/2013/03/26/lonely-mom-postpartum-depression/" target="_blank">lost their personal identity</a> beneath their new identity as mother of a child. This worries and distresses them at the same time as causing intense guilt for such an attitude. Try to treat them with the love and support you would have offered had they become depressed before giving birth, rather than castigating them for bad motherhood. Postpartum depression is a very lonely condition, as worrying for your partner as it is for you. Talking with your partner in a supporting, non-judgmental way can give you the opportunity to offer love, reassurance, and comfort.</p>
<p><strong>Talk - But Don't Trivialize</strong></p>
<p>Of course, it can be very hard to know <a href="http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20393228,00.html" target="_blank">what to say to a depressed person</a>. You want to make them feel better, but you can’t actually physically fix the problem. Often, depression causes emotional withdrawal so it can be hard to get your partner to engage with you on the problem – but it is important to talk about this, both so that they can be reassured by your love for them, and so that you can better understand what they are going through. Be gentle when trying to draw them out, but persistent. Do not nag, pester, or get frustrated if they withdraw, but do make a calm, kind point of insisting that you want to talk to them, to help them. Once you do get them to talk, however, remember that the help you offer must be of the emotional support variety. Do not attempt to solve their problems. Often they may talk about things that bother them, and your instinctive reaction will be to cry ‘But THAT is nothing to worry about! That is easily solved!’ and go on to offer solutions. This sort of thing runs the risk of trivializing what they see as a major issue, which will only cause them to withdraw further. Remember that the problem they state is not actually the problem – the problem is instead with their emotional reaction to it, caused by their underlying depression. Work on comforting and soothing their emotions rather than solving their problems, and you will find that they respond with an increased sense of emotional security which can be an enormous help.</p>
<p>When talking to a depressed person, always take what they say seriously – even if it sounds to you as though they are making mountains out of molehills and have nothing, really, to worry about. To them, these are big issues which are causing a lot of pain. Work on soothing the pain through making them feel valued and loved rather than judging their reactions and trying to tell them that their emotions are wrong or insignificant. Above all, let them know that you are there for them and that you love them. Depressed people frequently feel valueless as people. Reassure them that they are valuable to you. Remember that you cannot ‘cure’ them – your role is to offer emotional support. In order to combat the disease, encourage them to seek professional help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>About the author:<br />Eve Pearce spent a decade working as a nutritionist before motherhood made her change her outlook. Now she enjoys working from home as a writer, while still discussing the topics and issues that made her earlier career. When not writing, she likes to take long walks with her dogs, though sometimes it feels like they are taking her for a walk.</em></p>
<p> </p>
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</ul>Wed, 13 Nov 2013 20:56:23 +0000buckblack6653 at http://www.buckblack.comhttp://www.buckblack.com/blog/depression-partner-how-cope#comments