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Do you text while driving? Go ahead, be honest. In some states it's illegal to even use the phone while driving. Some places make you pull over to designated lanes for phone use. and other laws allow conversation so long as the driver uses some sort of headset. But then you have to be that guy with the Bluetooth on, and nobody wants to be that guy. It's quite a conundrum.

But for all the vagaries of in-car phone usage, we can likely all agree that texting while driving is about as dangerous as it gets. Not only is your focus elsewhere than on the road, your hands are physically typing and your eyeballs are looking at your phone. You might as well put on a blindfold and take your hands off the wheel.

And so our story ends. Large, very strong linebacker suffers concussion, is still somehow able to move his car back onto a road and drive home. This is why he can text message in the car and you cannot: supreme physical superiority. But really, kids, be safe out there. Wear the dorky Bluetooth.