What's worse than talking to a person on the phone? Having to do a whole conversation by yourself on the phone without sounding like a complete moron. Then the "well, goodbye" bit. Awkwardness guaranteed.

To me, it's the lack of physical cues. I don't know when they have something to say, whether they're actually interested, or even listening. All I have is the tone of their voice, and even then I can't tell what that means relative to their mood because this is the first time I've ever spoken to this person.

Haha I totally understand you. One time when I was in 7th grade, I had to call someone, let's say his name was x and my name was y. I was so nervous leading up to it that my hands were shaking. So when he picked up, I said "hi, this is x, is y there? oh wait, I mean this is y, is x there?"

He laughed and let it go, but I was so embarrassed through out the entire conversation. I kept replaying that incident in my head hoping that it would somehow change, but I curled up in embarrassment every time I thought about it.

This is me. I had the misfortune of being an introvert and naive but in desperate need of a job so I ended up working at a call center for a year. I now avoid the phone at all costs - it's far worse than before. Cannot stand it at all.

Incoming calls only (unless I screwed up and caught the mistake, in which case I would call clients back and explain myself). I worked for a large financial firm, though, and was responsible for placing trades in customers' accounts, and as you probably know the stock market is constantly shifting, so you would have to look at dozens of things in an account in a matter of seconds, then execute the trade properly all while trying to deal with angry rich traders who are bitching about the call taking more than, say, a few seconds. Repeat this 10 hours a day, adding in metrics and massive micromanagement that comes with call centers. It was a living nightmare. My mind is still trying to recover and I haven't worked there in 3 months.

I wish I could say that it gets better but for me, it's been about four years since I worked in a call center and I still get extremely anxious speaking on the phone to anybody other than immediate family. I'm just afraid that they're going to start yelling at me. :(

Introvert fellow here. I worked as a Telephone Interviewer so I strictly made out-going calls to UNSUSPECTING STRANGERS who knew nothing about either myself nor my company.

Guess what I was supposed to do? Ask them to do surveys. Half-hour ones (that actually took close to a whole hour). I strongly dislike asking for favors and you can tell how much I just love making phone calls to people. And there I was sitting from 2 to 10 making no fewer than 400 calls every day. I even had to lie to them ("survey takes 15~20 minutes) to meet my quota.

I feel like I could do inbound, because the anxiety comes from bothering people by trying to take their money when they didn't ask for it..granted, I don't like people yelling at me all day either, at the moment I barely have enough cash for a pizza.

I was the same way. Ended up at the call center for five years and a supervisor position, so I only had to take calls when someone asked for a supervisor (which I could usually prepare for while the rep was talking to the customer). I still hate talking on the phone, but I'm much better at it. You should keep trying!

No worries! Different strokes for different folks! I could see why you'd never wanna go back, regardless of if you like the phone or not. It's been two years since I've left and I don't think I could go back to talking to customers ever again.

NEVER write scripts for interviews, phone calls, or spontaneous dialog. Write PROMPTS instead. You won't panic, because the conversation can twist anywhere, and prompts are just quick reminders. Scripts have an intended order to them, but a conversation never works like that. With prompts, you can discuss them in whatever order you want. There are no dependencies. This is particularly helpful when interviewing someone, as they may touch earlier on a subject than you planned, or go off on a tangent leaving your script hopelessly off target.

The other thing to remember when you call is that you get to drive the start of the conversation. The hardest part of any convo is the dance to figure out the other persons purpose for calling. State that up front and everyone knows what the game is. Everything is much easier that way (especially dating).

This is consequently why automated systems and customer service often stress people out. You call and want to ask someone as soon possible, "hey, my internet is out, what don't do?" But the company wants all your info first so they can track the call. It's not enough to assume you're a customer with a bad modem, they have to know exactly who you are. And that's adding cognitive load to the conversation I don't need. Conversation should go:

Thanks for calling Comcast, how can I help?

my internet is out.

ok sir, do you think your book is paid up?

definitely. Mailed the check last week.

ok, let's check for a regional outage. What is your ZIP?

12345, I'm in Cityville

yep, we have an outage there. Looks like it should be fixed today.

And so forth. Progressive information sharing is far easier and friendlier than being asked to verify yourself before you ever get to find out if you have a problem. And that takes time every time you call, so in the event you are disconnected you don't have to start over from zero.

I got tangenty there, but the point is have prompts for what you need to cover. That way however they ask you the question, you can ask the prompt in a way that flows with the convo.

I do the same thing! I don't know what it is, I'm not an introvert and am very sociable. I can text until my fingers fall off! Once the conversation starts it's all gravy, just dialing and waiting is what kills me!!

Maybe there's some psychological instinct element in our brain that thinks the "ringing" tone is threatening, or something. Probably just one of those weird ways our mind is wired, because yeah, I could see myself being much less anxious if every call just connected instantly.

It sucks because on top of the anxiety... I understand things when reading them way better than I do listening to it on the phone. Once the phone call is over, I've pretty much forgotten what they said unless I'm taking a lot of notes while on the phone.
E-mail is just easier to understand, and gives you time to make a clear response.

I had to interview people on the phone and then write a newspaper article based on what they said... so I had to think of relevant questions, listen to their response, write their response down and concentrate at the same time. It was a fucking nightmare!

This is largely a generational thing. Gen X-ers don't mind talking on the phone and, often, will break a texting session in order to make a phone call and get answers more quickly, while Gen Y-ers (millenials) tend to avoid phone conversations if at all possible. I am on the cusp between generations and feel a deep ambivalence about the whole thing.

It's funny, you couldn't have the least bit of a stutter but when faced with a phone conversations it becomes a "h-hello, yes this is uhh, j-John, im just c-calling for" ect and so forth. It's painful.

From experience, the more I plan a conversation, the more I'll stutter. Because it becomes less about explaining something or conveying emotion, and more about reading a script. And the anxiety caused by that script-reading perfectionism is what causes the stutter and panic, where your brain essentially skips data due to the initiation of your fight-or-flight instinct.

It's best just to kick the habit of planning and jump in. If anxiety levels are high enough that communication is hard, maybe seeing a doctor about anti-anxiety medication might help. It helped me get back on track after high anxiety ruined my social life through all the planning and rehearsals you're describing.

But very commonly, it does. I know that I'm an introvert who has "broken out" and learned to socialize extremely well (it's my whole job), but I still prefer to be alone when the option is presented.

There was a great comic/infographic I saw that properly describe the difference between an introvert and extrovert: an introvert recharges on singular activities, such as reading books, surfing the Internet, and creating things, while an extrovert draws their energy from their environment and other people. Introverts have to expend this "energy" to function in the world, while extroverts recharge on it, and so the two can sometimes clash. The phrase "You never go out. We should hit the bar sometime!" is a typical example of an extrovert seeking energy from an introvert, and the introvert will typically be disinclined to accept, as they have to expend psychological energy to do it. However, introverts with a sufficient "charge" may be more than happy to socialize, and to party, even; I know that I LOVE going out periodically with my friends and guests for laser tag or paintball, but at the same time I know I could survive without going home and reading a book, playing a game, or writing music in between.

Yup. There are some that don't but that is rare. I hate leaving voicemails so what I do when calling a new number, I just stay silent to begin with and see if it gives me the prompt to re-record. If it doesn't I know I have one shot and just left a blank voicemail anyways which if someone asks me about I just say the connection dropped or I didn't hear anything.

Yeah... my psychiatrist actually recommended that I take one of the xanax she gave me for panic attacks before calling my parents to talk to them. This was after I hadn't returned a call for months and only got more anxious about it the longer I waited.

I used to have this issue when I was working as a secretary. I hated making phone calls and used email whenever possible. Then I started a new job that involved mandatory phone calls (emails weren't an option), and I was on the phone with people at least 3 times a day at work. A word of advice: every time you could email someone, call them instead. The more you do it, the easier it gets. It also makes you look a lot more professional. People like to talk to a voice, not look at an email on screen. If you stop trying to plan it out, it gets a whole lot easier. Instead of being concerned with what your script tells you to say next, you're actually listening to the person on the other end of the phone and formulating responses based on what they say. That avoids awkward situations and makes the call a lot smoother.

Fuck this. I have been putting off two cold calls for 1. a new dentist and 2. an internship for next semester. The calls would both be short and don't really have an immediate deadline attached to them. I've put them off for weeks. I would MUCH RATHER get in my car, drive to their offices, and talk to them in person, but I can't. My mom has harassed me for years at my shyness to talk on the phone. I try to keep my communications via email or in person.

im in sales. phone conversations are crucial to continued relationships. somedays i just don't want to pick up the phone. but the skill of getting what you want through the phone is important. even hearing some of my friends order a pizza is scary.

I actually like calling and getting the automated voice recognition systems. Especially when they can actually help me without transferring me to a representative. I have a credit card to activate that doesn't have online activation and don't want to call worried they will transfer me to the humans.

I can totally relate, buddy. I'm fine with face to face interactions, since they usually happen without initiative from me, meaning I am thrust into the situation and forced to communicate. With no way out, might as well do your best and be nice. But using the phone to willingly start a conversation when it's so easy to not do that and be awkward-free... That takes balls.

I'm not sure how nervous you get before you call somebody, but sometimes right before I pick up the phone to call someone I feel slightly nervous, even if these are people I interact with daily. I find the best course for me is to just call and get it over with.

You are not alone. I am a social person but phone calls really annoy and freak me out to some degree. I will quite happily email, text, write letters even use smoke signals if they were useful but I would do all I can to avoid phone calls.

If it come to it I will use a phone but only to get exactly enough said then end it.

I don't know what it is about phones that give me such consternation. I used to be really shy, and while I'm definitively an introvert, I learned the skills to be able to socially connect for the purposes of my job as an IT consultant, and it's all pretty easy for me now. Yet somehow, preparing for a phone call gives me Vietnam-style flashbacks to every embarrassing conversation I've ever had, even though there's no logical distinction between calling someone by phone or walking up to their desk in person. For a face-to-face chat I can just stroll be and say "Hi", and things go from there. For a call, I have to rehearse the whole thing in my head, prepare my opening lines, anticipate potential deviations in the conversation; my mind makes it far more difficult than it should be.

Wow did you read my mind? This happened to me last week. I had an important call and kept putting it off. Finally the person said they'd call me Friday and I was hoping so much they'd get busy and forget...they didn't forget =/

I let things build up for way too long and finally give in and spend a single day making all my doctor \dentist appointments and call everyone I need to call. When they're all done, I feel very accomplished but I do dread it. I dream for the day when this will all be done online!

I used to be like this too. Then I joined the workforce and got a job in nyc that required me to be on the phone with clients and on conference calls. The first few weeks were terrifying, but corporate culture will pretty much beat the anxiety and shyness out of you. I'm glad too, it's made me a better person.

Speaking from past experience, this is a fear that can be overcome. I used to be just like this, but I forced myself to make all of my own calls, even when my heart was about to make my chest explode, and now I think nothing of calling someone. Being shy really is just a bad habit, and I am living proof that it can be beaten.

Honestly, as someone who went from being somewhat shy to being thrown into a work environment where shyness will get you destroyed, the best way to get over it is pick up the damn phone and call. Be confident.

I run my own business and have to do this all the time. I used to write scripts of what I was going to say but then I ended up sounding like a pre-recorded robot. So now I just pick up the phone, dial, and talk off the top of my head. 80% I sound awesome, 20% I want to die.

Phone interview was way more intimidating for me than in-person interviews. I was staring at the phone for 15 minutes before the call was scheduled; then it rang right on time and I wanted to run out of my apartment.

Ugh...hate the phone, too! I'll text or send an email anytime. I have to really psyche myself up to make a phone call, business or social. Whenever my phone rings, I groan. During a face to face conversation, the empty space doesn't really bother me, but it seems to huge during a phone call. And intrusive...the calls come when I'm busy, and so I worry that my calls are going to interupt some one as well. And voice mail??!! Eeee gads, that is the worst!

I was like this, well I still am a little, but I've had to do several phone interviews over the past year. I can talk on the phone now, but unless it's like a phone interview or ordering pizza, I just really don't like to do it.

I Actually Am A Psych Major AND Have A Good Handle On Introvert/Extrovert Personalities. This very much falls into a challenge an introvert would have because making a social call does exert more energy than it "should".... Also no clue why my auto correct likes to randomly capitalize.

It can be taken both ways. Either it's awkward and that leads to fear of calling and therefor a delay OR displaying that level of socialization is stressful/tiring which us indicative of introverted behavior. Behavior that is, by the way, not in any form a disorder just a way of being...

If I'm ordering something off the phone I write it down, like if I was to order a subway sandwich. But other than I like the phone because I can get what I want across so much quicker. Be like I want to get my xbox game back from a bud who borrowed it, I'd call him up say hey can I come get it and go get it and done. I don't know why you guys hate phones so much.

The worst part is when you have to call them urgently - but you're on hold for what seems a lifetime...and you're going over what you plan to say and then all of a sudden in the middle of preparing, someone answers your call.

It looks like there's so many people here who have trouble talking on the phone, which is something I used to suffer from too. My only advice to give is to actively try and get better at it just because most job hunting and network building happens through phone conversations, so it's a fairly important skill to learn.

I've needed to call someone for almost a month. I always prepare what I'm going to say in my head every night and plan on doing it the next day. I always tell myself that it's not the right time... GODDAMN IT. One day I'll just dial their number and yell in their ear for causing me such distress. :c

I find the best thing is to just force yourself to do it without thinking. Think after you're on the phone with them, not before, otherwise you'll just build it up and it'll just become more and more difficult. Another thing that helps is to set a specific time that you HAVE to do it. Say, 2pm tomorrow. Have to. No backing out, no waiting. Not even 5 minutes. Don't think about it. No excuses. Just - 2pm, you pick up the phone, you dial, and it'll be over before you know it, and you'll feel much better about it because that thing you're worried will happen (that they'll judge you and you'll possibly say something stupid)... will not happen.

Receiving calls is just as bad for me. I'm named after my dad but go by my initials, but the government or phone service or whoever is calling doesn't know that. So I rarely pick up the phone even though I'm 24. I just don't know who it is and who they'll ask for and even once they do I'm never quite sure which one of us they want. It's terrible.

I just started dating a girl who hates phones and even though she seems really into me, this bit throws me off. I am way into her, but she just makes me unsure of myself because she doesn't like that kind of contact and I don't get to see her that much. Man am I happy all you people have the same issue, it makes me 100 times more comfortable. I am sorry for you guys of course, but man... :) This thread made my day.

Wow, so apparently fear of phones isn't as rare as I thought. Strange that I can talk to people face to face no problem. I can give speeches in class without a second thought... but I can't talk on the phone. It's horrifying.

I used to be like this up until I was probably 20 or so. It's mostly the fear of the unknown, what will happen, what should I say, who's going to pick up. I've learned that it just stems from simple anxiety and the idea is to disarm the fear as soon as it starts by simply calling without planning. Taking it as it goes. Reminding yourself of your objective and sticking to it. Overthinking causes anxiety because it creates phantom worries, and they grow bigger and more overblown (and ridiculous) with every minute you give yourself to think it over.

They're just people like you. Making a living, sitting in a call center or whoever it is you're calling. As humans it isn't natural to talk to someone who isn't there, so part of the anxiety stems from that fear of an unnatural form of communication, one that's faceless. The best way to initiate communication is to put a face on it, connect, ask them how they're doing so it isn't so much about your anxieties. Either they'll say how they're doing and ask you how you are, or at the very least you'll gauge who you're talking to from their reaction or nonreaction. Then you can proceed to your objective. "I'm calling about..." or "I'm having a problem with...".

Phone calls are easier when you dive into them without worrying. Keeping a focus on what you need to do, be it wish someone a happy birthday or get your banking info updated.

I can talk to anyone face to face, no problems. But calling a person I don't know, unable to see his/her face body language and having to cope with the terrible sound quality, which makes it very easy to mishear or confuse things is a total killer for me.

Both me and my wife are like this, and often get into discussions about who gets to make a call. It's not rare that I hear from her "I made the call to such and such so now you do it".

Both of us have, on occasion, physically travelled to the place to talk to people for the sole reason of avoiding the call.

Yes, we sometimes have to do it. I landed a job in Australia from overseas through phone interviews. But it never gets easy.

Wow. I'm a really shy person with panic disorder/severe anxiety issues and have always hated the phones. I have quit jobs just because I was asked to answer a phone. I may be a bit more extreme than some, but I'm really glad I read the comments here because now I know I'm not 100% nuts and that other people fear the phone just as much as I do!

Yep. I understand how you feel friend. It sucks whenever the phone rings and I have a mini-freak out. Not to mention all that adrenaline kicking in before picking it up. It sounds like I'm having a heart attack when I'm answering it.