Thursday, July 19, 2007

Poor, poor, Taran Noah Smith

SELLER: Taran Noah SmithLOCATION: Madelia Avenue, Sherman Oaks, CAPRICE: $1,149,900SIZE: 3,922 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathroomsDESCRIPTION: Great opportunity for your builder/fixer clients. Very desirable area south of Valley Vista. Large, very private flat lot with pool. Some additions may not be to code or have permits. Absolutely the worst house in a prime location.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Poor Taran Noah Smith. His life has become a sad cliche of a child actor which continues to spiral down the toilet. Ya'll remember our young Mister Smith as one of the boys on that Home Improvement show back in the 1990s, right? The boy has not had it easy children.

First he was given a girl's name. Then he went through an awkward and pimply puberty on national television. At the tender age of 17 he was married to a vegan lady named Heidi VanPelt, who happens to be 16 years his senior. At the same time he was falling in love with his Mrs. Robinson, he waged and won a bitter battle with his parents over control of his $1,500,000 trust fund amid allegations they were squandering his small fortune.

But his troubles did not end there. Oh no, children, the drama just goes on and on. The newly married May/December couple illegally ran a vegan restaurant/catering company called PlayFood out of their Sherman Oaks house, which surely did not endear them to their well to do neighbors. Naturally, the city shut them down. Next the couple attempted, but did not succeed, at opening a restaurant on Ventura Boulevard in Studio city where they planned to serve comfort vegan food slathered in a cheese product made of cashews. Next came the baby, and earlier this year, a nasty dee-vorce from his Mrs. Robinson.

And just last week, the shabby Sherman Oaks house our young Mister Smith called home was foreclosed on by his bank. Will his troubles never end?

Property records indicate our young Mister Smith purchased this home in 1996 for $585,000, when he was just 12 years old. Twelve years old and he's buying a dman house for his family to live! The Smith family occupied this house until sometime in 2001 when our Young Mister Smith managed to oust the parents and move in with his Mrs. Robinson.

The house, located in a swanky section of Sherman Oaks, is by all accounts in shambles, and we're sure the neighbors are pissed. You know when the real estate listing states, "the worst house in a prime location," that things are bad. Very bad. The listing for the property, which is priced at $1,149,900, contains no photographs of the 3,922 square foot house, but the gossip juggernaut TMZ has obtained a short video that shows the destruction and sad squalor of the interior of the house. Hold your nose while watching, because the stink manages to come through the monitor.

Your Mama has no idea where our Young Mister Smith is headed, but we do sincerely hope he's headed to greener pastures.

This story is so sad, we all hope he is well and has closed this chapter in his life. Why is it that a lot vegans look so damn old? He's so young. I think he needs some meat, who knows, after the vegan, he might become a carnivore again!

They had a baby living in that mess? I hope someone has called Child Protective Services. Like I've always said...You can take the man/woman out of the trash but you can't take the trash out of the man or woman. Whatever.

This confirms my idea that there should be NO child actors (yeah, I know, what would Tv and movies do without them? My answer: CGI--no hefty contracts, no residuals, and, most importantly, no freaking parents or their greedy agents to deal with.) or irresponsible parents to deal with...

Gotta wonder what the court was thinking when they freed this kid from parental responsibilty and sent him ino the clutches of Mrs Robinson...

I hear (fill in washed up child actor name here) is looking for new digs. This house seems perfect for him.

All I have to say is that Taran is not just a girl's name. In fact all the Taran's I have known are males. I even know a 2 year old boy with that name. It's not 1954 anymore people, nor more John, Mary and Robert's all day long. I would argue that by the shear fact that he is male, so is his name for himself. Besides, when is our biggest insult to males going to stop being that they are female or have a feminine quality, name, etc...? What an insult to females everywhere! And, young boys won't stop harrassing each other and girls until their adult role models stop with these sexist undertones.

Awww!!!! Such a sad story!!! I feel so bad for him!!! I would have never guessed that such horrible things would happen to such a sweet little boy. Well, he's not little anymore, but you know.I always wondered what was up with how he acted on Home Improvement. No, I don't mean "acted" as in the character of Mark. I mean how Taran, the person acted. So differant than Zachary and Jonathan. Now, I know and it's very, very sad.Wishing good luck and that life will turn around for Taran,Elizabeth

Okay I have a few things to say to this: 1. They were married for what, 5,6 years? Why does everyone just assume that it was an awful marriage and that they weren't happy? 2. How do we know that that video is even of their house and not just some random one? 3. How do we know that they did all that stuff (if it is their house)? To me it more looks like a punch of punks broke in and had some fun trashing the place.

This kid had a charmed life and he BLEW IT. He is disgusting. How can someone eat his food when he did that to his house. Pissing on the walls? This kid reminds me of a future Charles Manson. Someone get him a psychiatrist before he hurts himself or someone else. I hope he feels like the idiot he is. Wasting millions for nothing. Are we sure his wife wasn't a man? She looks like a he-she. Then again so does he.

Why is he starting a company? He's already proven he is incapable of keeping a wealth of money (millions+???). Foreclosing????? He should take a course in finance before he jumps on another business venture. If he gets lucky and makes a million he will likely lose it all. I met his wife and she is a giant loser. I wouldn't trust her working at a McDonalds. This is a depressing story. I feel sorry for Taran. I think he suffers from mental retardation.

Taran did it again! He started a major remodeling project at a commercial property he was renting in studio city for his new restaurant, Play food. He never completed the project, stopped paying rent and subsequently was evicted. The landlord was left holding the bag for over fifty thousand dollars in damages and rent. We understand that very shortly the horrific pictures of the damages and some other surprises Taran had left behind will be made public. The pictures and story will certainly put the final ink on the picture of who he is. To all those sympathizes, "Let’s not lose site of his victims".

Most of you have no idea what you're talking about -- with one notable exception (posted march 4, 2009) -- I lived in that house for a time. It was a beautiful place. Circumstances out of Taran's control led to its demise. It breaks my heart to hear that it has been demolished. I have the fondest memories. It was a thing of beauty.