I get the bus (The DiseaseMobile!) to and from work every weekday, and have done so for the past 8 years.As you can imagine (… is that assuming too much? Was that too condescending sweety?) I have many stories I could tell about my journeys, but today I’ll focus on just two aspects: shock at the obvious, and blame.

From a young age, I was taught a song that went something like “the wheels on the bus go round and round”… this was in South Africa, where you’d only catch a bus if you were testing out suits of armour, but I’ve heard people singing it here in the UK too.It seems to be a simple concept, and you’d guess that it implies that the bus is capable of motion, yet -despite all this conditioning from youth- people are absolutely gobsmacked when the bus moves.

Whenever people are getting ready to depart (“get off”, uh huh huh) the bus, they push the button and slowly make their way to the front of the bus, clinging on to the railings as they go, because the bus is not a stable platform.

So why, WHY OH WHY do they let go when the bus comes to a temporary stop, at a traffic light or something?Just because the bus isn’t moving right now, doesn’t mean it’s not going to. In fact, you’re pretty much relying on it moving again, annoyed if it didn’t.

Sure, it might be your first time on a bus, but you’ve just been riding on it, it was bloody shaking all over the place…And it’s NOT the first time on the bus for most of you, I should know, I stalk just about every single one of you.And and… the elderly! You barely made it onto the bus in the first place, despite it dipping so low down to the curb that gangsta’s came past and went “yeeaah boyee”… why stand at the front and let go?

All of this builds up to the moment that just makes my rage develop an ulcer… the shock.Oh! my! sentient being! IT MOVED! THE DEVICE MADE FOR MOVING ME FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER MOVED!Quick! Grab onto one of the many rails provided there in the first place to remind you to hold the hell on!IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!

You’re so frail already, or you’re so laden with packages filled with expensive goods, or your child is already missing a tooth… why?

But yes, shock. A face of absolute horror, the day you almost died.Just like yesterday.

But is it your fault?Is it helling heck?

The bus driver doesn’t know how to drive, he pulls off too quickly (except for those times that you’re in a rush, and he’s just being so damn slow).The buses are so rubbish, they should cater for this kind of thing (I’m definitely seeing padded walls of some kind).

Roads. Designed to cater for moving vehicles. Vehicles capable of causing injury whether you’re in them, or in front of them.Yes, the world does revolve around you, but even your world is filled with people less intelligent and smart and pretty as you, so they make mistakes.Mistakes like driving a vehicle. On a road. When they’re allowed to.Sometimes even having the nerve to hoot at you as you’ve just started walking into the road without looking again.

Again, the look of shock and disgust… A BUS? ON A ROAD? WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?

It doesn’t matter if it’s just a tiny side-road… that still implies that a vehicle needed to go through there, so a path was made… for the vehicle.

Again, the blame lies with the big bad bus and the driver. Hands are thrown up in disgust, words are thrown like the tar-coated balls of ignorance and self-defense they are.

Sure, I get it. You made a mistake, you’re feeling kinda dumb about it… but that’s because you were kinda dumb about it, don’t make that someone else’s problem.Just be a little bit more aware… think.For the love of your pretty little god, think.

That’s that, I’ll go back to being perfect in every way and leave you alone now.