Tuesday, May 19, 2009

my experience with domestic abuse shelters

Like I mentioned yesterday, I have some experience with domestic abuse shelters. And I don't mean like putting chicks in 'em.

In college, I actually volunteered at one. It was awesome. Chicks at the bar were so impressed when I told them, "Yeah, I can't party too hard tonight cause I have to get up early to volunteer at the domestic abuse shelter".

And then when they wind up back at your place, it was so easy to kick those skanks outta your bed the next morning, "Listen baby, I have to get over to the shelter right quick, do you mind GETTIN' THE FUCK OUT, TRICK?"

Goddamn, that awesome.

But seriously, I had to do it for some community service part of my degree.

So I signed up, and the first day, I get there at like 7:30, or something retarded. Wow, that was hard as hell - definitely not a morning person. The shelter was actually located at some big old house. It was really huge inside. Since I'm not really qualified to counsel anybody, lol, I wound up doing mostly like maintenance type things, picking donations up, and running errands.

The first day, they had me picking up all the toys in the backyard, and organizing the shed that was supposed to contain those toys. That wasn't too bad. Then I had to rake the entire backyard. That sucked. But before I could finish, I had to crap.

Really bad.

The worst part was probably not knowing where the bathroom was, and having to sheepishly ask one of the other ladies there, where it is. Great, now she knows I'm going into the bathroom. And when I don't emerge after a couple minutes, she'll know what I'm doing. I must have been in there for like 20 minutes. Just blastin' away.

So I'm still in there, doing my thing, and I hear the director calling my name. He must have looked for me outside, not seen me, and got all confused. I hear him ask one of the ladies there, and she politely tells him that I, "have been in the bathroom". This is just fucking great, now the entire shelter knows that I'm blowin' up their terlet.

It's like, these ladies go there to escape the abuse, and then I start coming around, and show them an entirely different type of abuse. I'm sorry, everybody.

No but for real, I saw some crazy stuff there, and I worked my ass off.

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tall man on the loose in tampa area

True story, there is a tall man terrorizing the Tampa area. This weirdo usually hangs out around parks, trying to find pick-up games of basketball - during which, he will grab the ball and maneuver around so that you come into contact with his stinky, naughty bits.

Truly an unpleasant experience.

His signature move is the "bait and switch junk grab". As you're grabbing for the ball, his junk magically appears. In the way of your hand.

Another one of his famous moves is to let the ball go loose, then as you scramble for it, his sweaty ass gets in the way. Of your face.