Weirdest Stories Of 2013

Now that we are into 2014, I wanted to do a few blogs about 2013. The first that caught my attention was an article on the Huffington Post about the top ten weirdest stories of 2013. Most, if not all, of these stories are so weird that they deserve a moment of remembrance, so let’s get to it.

10) Penis-shaped Church

The Christian Science Dixon Church in Illinois designed their new church building specifically to save the life of a tree on the property; however, in doing so the church also ended up designing a penis-shaped church when viewed from above. “‘We didnâ€™t design it to be seen from above,’ church officer Scott Shepherd told the media.” That may be true, but they still built a penis-shaped church. Kudos to them for wanting to save the tree, though. I’m sure worshippers will enjoy the tree and forget the penis.

9) The Jesus Dog Butt

To carry on the weird stories connected to religion, the next weird story was that of the Dog Butt Jesus. People worldwide look for religious signs in everything from grilled cheese to cinnamon rolls. But to find a vision of the Messiah of Christianity on the butt of a dog seems a bit dirty. I’m not sure Christ would be so happy to be seen as part of the anus of a dog…or maybe that is just the place the pauper prince of peace would like? Regardless, the story is weird and created tons of response.

8) Middle-Finger Statue

The next weird story comes from one Michigander who went to extremes to get back at his wife as I wrote about here on redOrbit. In short, after the divorce, he bought the house right next to his ex-wife’s and erected a 12-foot bronze statue of the middle finger so that she could see it from her bedroom window. And he lit it up at night so she always saw it. That’s one way to let someone know how you feel about them, I guess.

7) Creepy Clown Just Stands Around

Clowns are creepy on the whole. Sure, sometimes they are just fine, but on the whole they max out the creep-o-meter. So what did one Northhampton, UK, man do? Well, he dressed like a seriously creepy clown and just stood around town. When people did not embrace him, he just wrote, “Too much hate, not enough love” on his Facebook page. Maybe dress like a teddy bear next time, dude?

6) The 10,000 Man Woman

So, the first four weird stories definitely belong to the males, but this next one belongs to the female. Ania Lisewska of Poland wants to be recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records for having sex with 10,000 men. Guinness claims it does not recognize such things, but Lisewska keeps on keeping on. As of November 2013, she had reached 450. She has quite a ways to go. All I can say is I hope she uses protection, lots and lots of protection.

5) Porn Stars Without Makeup

The Huff Post put this one best:

“We owe makeup artist Melissa Murphy a basket of flowers, a big order from Omaha Steaks and probably one or two more holiday gifts. Her amazing before-and-after photo series was absolutely one of the most clicky things we’ve ever published. The moral here: Porn stars look a lot like the rest of us in real life, but they clean up nicely with a beauty pro like Murphy. And, of course, the other life lesson: America’s obsession with sex and beauty is bottomless (and that helps our bottom line).”

4) Fork and Eel = Sex Tools

Yeah, a couple of the weirder stories of 2013 came from an Australian man and Chinese man. Reportedly, the Australian man stuck a fork in his penis in an effort for peak sexual gratification. Yikes, that’s an orgasm that seems deadly. Similarly, the Chinese man stuck an eel up his colon because he had seen it on a porn movie. Again, yikes! Both men lived; however, they now have a lifetime of explaining their, shall we say, choices.

3) $780,000 Virgin Still Has Her Virginity

When Catarina Migliorini auctioned off her virginity, she seemingly sold it for $780,000. But with all the legal issues (yeah, who would have thought? I mean, come on…), she claims she never had sex with the Japanese man who won her auction. So, she is trying again with a bid up to $480,000 as of the publishing of the Huff Post article.

2) Checkered Past of the 6-Inch Alien

Again, I leave it to the Huff Post:

“UFO researchers around the world held their collective breath this year as DNA tests were conducted on the remains of a 6-inch humanoid found 10 years ago in Chile. With the results set to be announced in a documentary, HuffPost reporter Lee Speigel found that the figure — nicknamed “Ata” — looked oddly like one of Robert Ripley’s favorite Believe-It-Or-Not attractions, “Atta Boy.” We still can’t say whether the figure on the left is the skeletal remains of a short-yet-technologically-advanced creature, but our source at Ripley’s thinks otherwise.”

1) Man Loses Life Savings..

One New Hampshire man used all his life savings of $2,600 at a carnival game but only won a stuffed banana with dreadlocks. Naturally, he complained saying, “They lied.” So sorry pal.

As the Huffington Post deemed it, 2013 seems to have been the Year of the Penis. When only three of the ten weirdest stories connect to women, maybe they are right? However, I have to say that the 10,000 man sex goal is definitely one of the weirder stories of 2013.

Rayshell E. Clapper is an Associate Professor of English at a rural college in Oklahoma where she teaches Creative Writing, Literature, and Composition classes. She has presented her original fiction and non-fiction at several conferences and events including: Scissortail Creative Writing Festival, Howlers and Yawpers Creativity Symposium, Southwest/Texas Pop Culture Association/American Culture Association Regional Conference, and Pop Culture Association/American Culture Association National Conference. Her publications include Cybersoleil Journal, Sugar Mule Literary Magazine, Red Dirt Anthology, Originals, and Oklahoma English Journal. Beyond her written works, she successfully created a writer's group in rural Oklahoma to support burgeoning writers. The written word is her passion, and all she experiences inspires that passion. She hopes to help inspire others through her words.