One Big Turn

There is something bizarre now I feel
Which may be vague but could be real
My attention you did nothing but steal
You knocked a heart that’s yet to heal

Is this real, fantasy, fiction or just plain magic
Because all the while my love has gone tragic
Looking for ways to try and understand its logic
Paranoid, I can’t seem to get anything but static

Like a quake you make my world shake
My loneliness apparently away you take
To happiness it is you constantly make
You spare my heart from a dragging ache

Afraid that this feels too good to be true
Overthinking about it makes me feel blue
Can you help me out and give me a clue
Hoping what I feel is what you feel too

Oh tell me why this heart of mine beats so fast
Is it your irresistible charm or just a spell you cast
Wishful, this could lead to any better than my past
Praying you’d be my 2013’s first and my life’s last

Oftentimes, deceiving as can be, the smile you see is part of the mask opted to be worn... for it is the room, the comfort zone, the crying shelter that sees the real face; the sad and miserable one masterfully concealed.

Although a bit on the exaggerated side, some words/stanzas are not to be misinterpreted and are deliberately constructed only for art's sake. This piece has been carefully drafted to contrast the thought that life doesn't necessarily have to end even after a loss of someone whom you've associated "forever" with.

Unlike fairy tales, life does give you a taste of tragic endings which forms part of your "destiny." There's nothing much to look into what they regard destiny to be because life really is what you make of it; you pave way to the path you are to take.

So it has been considerably a while since the National Elections transpired and I reckon the timing's just right to verbalize my assessment out of it. Being a resident of the Philippines for over 24 years now, I am admitted to leaning on the passive side when Elections become at large. Passive in a sense that I might have been casting my votes for the previous elections but I couldn't have cared less each time. The 2013 elections on the 13th of May served as my first in-depth exposure to the aforementioned movement partly because it was called for by my profession as a member of the local media. As such, I had a considerably profound scope of the relevant incidences, at least, in my province (Negros Oriental).

Be cautioned, however, that this article may be geared toward a deleterious take on Philippine politics. Anyone with high hopes or regard for the Government may not give agreement on ideas yet to be presented. Nevertheless, I rely solely on the right to freedom of speech practiced in the country regardless of possible consequences or aftermath.

On PCOS and the Commission on Elections (COMELEC)
To me, and perhaps the majority, the decision to continue the patronage of Smartmatic's PCOS machines as means of polling was not the worst move for COMELEC albeit not the best at that. Given that the recent polling was not the first instance at which PCOS machines were utilized to tally votes casted, high hopes for a smooth, reliable and fast transmission of results was envisaged by the public. Taking into account the expenses allocated from storage of the machines, which by the way cost approximately P6.4 million per month, to about 1.8 billion Pesos initially billed to the agency by Smartmatic, it is about fair for people to expect a good upshot out of the money that could have made a huge difference in uplifting the quality of life for the marginalized populace.

The result was nothing short of disappointing not to mention the number of machines that were reported to have malfunctioned along with the sub-par transmission rate of results. Those were only a few in the list of the remarkably epic-fail polling moments. Other issues came in rather minor yet made it to the hall-of-fame such as missing voter names, discrepancies in listing and the like. So, is it really more fun in the Philippines during elections? You be the judge.

The Business Behind the "Business"
Regardless of region, ethnicity or language the issue of vote-buying will always surface despite heaps of effort exerted to suppress it. It seems to me that putting a president who stood up (and probably still is) strong against corruption with a promise of paving a path to the right direction is not an all-out solution to cure the advanced stage of sickness known to be rampant, but not exclusive, in politics called "corruption."

I live in a province that I used perceive as subtle in terms of politics. I affiliate "subtle" with the degree at which vote-buying is not "terminal" or to simply put, helpless. Talks about such subject matter is rather sensitive and difficult to support with facts which is why it may turn out unjustifiable at the end of the day. However, it does not directly imply invalidity as a significant number of people have turned wealthy for a moment on elections day. I'd have to admit that I was never an avid fan of politics in the Philippines, moreso in the local arena. I could even consider myself arguably guilty of turning a blind eye on how the "business" in politics went for the province over the past years but never had I foreseen that it was "business as usual" in this side of the country as well. For a moment, I had undergone denial but eventually had to reach the acceptance stage. Having said those, I find it disheartening to realize that, apparently, no one is an exception in the enterprise, if you know what I mean. At a certain degree, corruption happens to anyone in power given the jurisdiction to appoint, decide and what not. Moreover, for as long as the outcome of a decision becomes favorable to any party, personal or public (or both), corruption can be beautifully concealed in a very neat package. Note: Some level of expertise required.

Frustratingly, these "leaders" are, in effect, leeching wealth effortlessly from the multitude, making a business out of politics and even handing it down to the people next in line - their offspring. That should be reason enough for the average citizens of the Philippines to stop hallucinating about the government getting serious with the Anti-Political Dynasty bill. The question now is, who would want to prohibit a "business" from flourishing?

The driving force behind this piece is the reality-slap that a part of the people's hard-earned cash also known as taxes go down the chute that easy. It pains to see how lavish these crocodiles can get as opposed to how hungry and hopeless the marginalized can be. The problem about politics was never really about the system, nor the budget and not even the ones in office but the people, themselves - they who put the officials in place. It is safe to say that the people define the kind of government they get but sadly, when all else fails, it is the government who gets all the pointing fingers at.

I give due credit to the real leaders who refuse to take the path others are. I admire those who dream of reforming the status quo without having to compromise integrity and credibility for personal gains. Though outnumbered, they are the few who stand out from the pack and are among the people, who, the late Steve Jobs referred to; the minority who are "crazy enough to think they can change the world..." because in reality, they "are the ones who do."

Dumaguete City - What was once an hour of huge awareness and celebration for Earth has now become just another day for the City of Gentle People.

Scheduled to commence at exactly 8:30 o'clock in the evening and set to last for sixty (60) minutes, the Earth Hour is a global event aimed at giving back to Mother Earth by a mere act of switching lights off. Not to be underestimated, when done simultaneously worldwide, the movement poses as an effort to conserve energy. Interestingly, more than just that is the spread of awareness for the environment and the growing issue of climate change.

With high hopes for wide participation, One Big Turn took some time to drive around the city and document any interesting scenery relative to the event.

Among the very few that participated are schools namely Silliman University and Catherina Cittadini (St. Louis) School along with Shell Gasoline Stations and Robinsons Place Dumaguete. It is but heartbreaking that the advocacy for environmental awareness is slowly dying in the city despite widespread campaigns and advertising initiatives done prior to the event.

It can be recalled that last year's celebration was held primarily at the province's capitol area. This year, passing by that area and other known public areas that were dark during last year's Earth Hour observation (such as the Rizal Boulevard and the Manuel Quezon Park) would give one the impression that Earth Hour wasn't ongoing at all. It is deeply saddening that even the Local Government Unit has not been seen exerting any effort to give emphasis nor join other nations in celebration of the Earth Hour.

Despite the lack of participation from the local government and other private sectors, those companies and institutions that bothered to join the movement only show that there are still a few committed parties ready to take action in lessening the effects of global warming and spreading the initiative to let people be aware that we only have one Earth and without it, humanity wouldn't exist.

Over the past few years, Mother Nature has shown its wrath for humanity's abuse and negligence over it. Some may be attributed to climate change and others, simply, nature's answer to people's delinquency to take good care of what has been bestowed upon them. It's a given that whenever it becomes nature's turn for taking back, lives turn out to be, more often than not, at stake. The Earth Hour was never a very difficult advocacy to practice yet the majority of the people in the city opted to turn its back on it. If doing a simple act over a very short duration of time hardly becomes a success, it's hard to imagine what humanity can offer more than that in an effort to reverse the effects of climate change.

Upon heading back to headquarters, One Big Turn spotted a household "joining" the observance of the Earth Hour.

It turned out that they were only having electrical issues and that the local electric cooperative personnel were on it at the time of the documentation. False alarm, folks. False alarm...

Strong as a storm's wind, mighty as the ocean's current, this roller coaster ride has brought me to a new dimension. The thrill, the risk and the possibilities remain to be deciphered but one thing remains without question-I am in for the trouble I've long crafted.

Decisions, choices, they pave the path of fate in a person's life. Today's plot is a product of yesterday's events. Sadly enough, the undo option only exists in operating systems where mistakes apparently become part of the ordinary. Life gives you a transcript of the actual - no rewinds, everything headed forward. Dealing with the aftermath of the traces I've left has posed to be one turning point in my quest to see what's in store for me.

Over the past few months, I’ve been too hard on myself trying to get convinced with one thing – that I am happy. But am I, really? I can practice deceit anytime and pretend I’m en route to where I should be, but time gave me a painful slap on the face. I really can’t fool myself over and over again. It’s useless. Long have I wanted to settle undying issues that have been plaguing my mind but no, it really takes two to tango. I didn’t fight that battle alone; because it was “you” and me way back. It was “us,” nobody else. I stood and took a chance at ending assumptions and second thoughts regardless of aftermath, unmindful of possible disappointments. But I was left hanging; wondering if it was just me feeling that way.

I’m emotionally drained, miserably drenched. I did a lot to distract myself but not so long after, I unconsciously run back to base. Unfair, I said, but considering the wrong decisions I’ve made apparently turn tables. This is the price I pay for being childish, frail and unfaithful. Is there anything more morbid than emotional torment? I’d be happier to take physical distress than be consistently in such a state.

All this time, I’ve been in melancholy over the complications of what the old me had inflicted. People have been telling me to move on. Then I told them they’re absurd. Had it been that easy, I could have made my way out of this dragging situation. I’ve had more attempts than one could imagine in the light of escaping from this discomfort I’m trapped in. The question was never on whether I could move on or not but on how I could make it happen. Ironic as it could be but I’ve been giving advices to a countless number of people experiencing the same dilemma yet I can’t even figure something out for myself.
They say rainbows don’t go ahead of storms when they come but sometimes I ask if they’ll ever come after this gloomy and stormy chapter of my life. Right now, all I know is that I’m vulnerable. Here’s hoping that the wind changes direction soon, bringing back my happiness to me like how it was before.

Just like fairy tales, I’m hoping that one day a happy ever after in my life could be in sight. I can wait… even forever. No, I won’t tire waiting if it’s the last thing I could do. At least it’s the only one that keeps me going; telling me that happiness is just around the corner waiting to be unveiled, revived, or miraculously recalled.

Now I’m taking the slightest chance that you could, one day, be able to read these words I’m about to say… I love you even if you love someone else, even if I’ll have someone else. You’ll always have a special place in this heart of mine. Meeting you was never a big accident, nor was it a mistake. It was my life’s defining moment. Without you, life will never be the same again. Without you, something will always be missing. Without you, I’ll only end up reminiscing…

In a lifetime, there are actions you do out of immaturity and those that are deliberately done differently despite maturity. In any case, there will be a point of reflection that either make people grow or remain foolish. Wise people choose to learn over failures while the ordinary may settle for the same things over and over again. Sadly enough, considering mistakes as a toll to experience will not reverse any damage done.

I had a major stumble when I was younger yet it does not justify the intensity of my wrong. Today, I stood up to admit what went wrong, how I did wrong and why I did wrong. Needless to say, the gist of everything is as simple as me picking the wrong options. It was a difficult path; one that should not have been paved had I been forgiving, understanding and loyal. But that was not the case. It is only now that I realize why it really takes forgiveness to sustain a good relationship. Forgiving back then should have meant not reviving the wrong once committed by my better half. I did just the exact opposite not in an instance but repeatedly, as if I was doing the right thing. Forgetting, on the other hand, is an entirely different story. However, learning from mistakes sound good for an alternative.
Now that we’re on our separate ways, the best there is to do is to be happy for each other. Even if one will not, even if one cannot. It would be so selfish of me to push my luck any further knowing that the other is already happy, if not, very happy. I know there’s something more than just praying and hoping that “we” be revisited but what’s the whole point?

Wishing that destiny will one day bring the magic back between the two of us would be like asking the sun to appear at night. I was wrong, I did wrong and I will have to face whatever I deserve. I’ll take it from here no matter how painful, no matter how much regret I have deep inside. I guess I will never be able to find someone alike - someone who supplies my daily dose of happiness, someone who I can foresee my future with, a lover and a best friend. I had that one chance and I know I just put it to waste.

Now that I’m fully grown-up, I will take full responsibility for whatever my actions were from my yesterday. At least this time, I know I did gain a lot from all the experiences I had, good or bad. Knowing that forever with the person I’d love to spend a lifetime with was once so close to being a reality will be a really hard pill to swallow. I guess happy endings only love to exist where fairy tales flourish. I'll have to face it; forever with you just seems too good to be true.

People make mistakes. Perhaps, the biggest mistake I've ever made was to let my immaturity take over me entirely. Now is not the right time for regrets. All there is to ask is not a second, third or any chance at all but an apology long overdue. Time may deprive a moment of togetherness; not now or maybe never. This Christmas I choose to right the wrong by being entirely down on my knees, begging that I be pardoned for how it went before: the hurting, humiliation and lack of closure. I remember when I was once told to "go and see who's the better one." The answer was there even before I had to decide but I opted to take the wrong path. Everything makes sense now: the memories, learning and a bulk of regrets. Allow me to return what was once given to me on a very special day... the reasons why I felt so loved:

"1. You make me happy in times that I frown. You cheer me up when I feel oh so down. You paint a smile.

2. You always feed me... with love and comfort in times that I need it. You never fail to shower me with love and you've been my shoulder when I feel like the world is against me, when I feel that the world is not working accordingly.

3. Your TOUCH... has something I cannot fathom nor explain... and this just shows that you have the magic I'm looking for. You're my ONLY."

I wish you the happiness you deserve and I'm sorry if I had to keep a mum on the query about how my emotions toward you were but, once and for all, hear my simple answer - yes...

About Me

Someone who believes that there are a lot of things left unexplored by human kind, someone who doesn't necessarily settle for mediocrity, someone willing to take risks if necessary, and someone who believes that norms make us slaves of society.

He is Alton Jave Tenorio, known as "Jayvee" over Magic 95.1 MHz in the City of Gentle people.