I know we hit it off last night, but let’s be honest here. Sure, we had a connection when I stumbled into you getting my fourth cup of jungle juice, but that connection does not translate into LinkedIn.

Yeah, things got a little heated when the Sig Nu brother on DJ duty began playing “Pony,” but that was a strictly unprofessional connection. For your reference, a good rule of thumb for networking is that, if Mo Bamba played in the background for 75% of our conversation, I probably don’t intend to strike up a professional relationship.

Make no mistake, I’m aware that Goldman internship season is rapidly approaching. I know the necessity of networking for your post-graduate years of Juuling in a Patagonia vest. But I will not sit idly by and allow this epidemic of grind-and-connect to spread any further. Someone needs to take a stand against finding your dance-floor makeout buddy’s LinkedIn before you’ve even recovered from your hangover.

And I’m prepared to become the face of this movement, even if it means a missed connection.