Here Are The Discovery Hostage Taker’s Insane and Retarded Demands

While the hostage scenario at Discovery Networks headquarters is still ongoing, more details are beginning to emerge about the gunman and his demands. James Lee (inset) was arrested, fined, and sentenced to probation in 2008 for throwing money into a crowd during a protest outside Discovery HQ. He’s in his early 40s and a native of San Diego who now lives in Silver Spring.

I’m watching cable news, and police have just given a statement confirming a small number of hostages and their ongoing effort to negotiate a peaceful settlement with Lee. Until we get more developments, let’s sift through Lee’s demands. His crazy, crazy demands. The short version: he hates “filthy human children,” “parasitic human infants,” war, civilization, and immigration. Likes: forest animals. Buckle up for a long, crazy ride:

The Discovery Channel MUST broadcast to the world their commitment to save the planet and to do the following IMMEDIATELY:

1. The Discovery Channel and it’s affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn’s “My Ishmael” pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other’s inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution. A game show format contest would be in order. Perhaps also forums of leading scientists who understand and agree with the Malthus-Darwin science and the problem of human overpopulation. Do both. Do all until something WORKS and the natural world starts improving and human civilization building STOPS and is reversed! MAKE IT INTERESTING SO PEOPLE WATCH AND APPLY SOLUTIONS!!!!

Translation: “Make sterilization interesting so people will give it a try.” Seems reasonable.

2. All programs on Discovery Health-TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions. In those programs’ places, programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed. All former pro-birth programs must now push in the direction of stopping human birth, not encouraging it.

Actually, that sounds pretty good. You’re 1-for-2, Jim.

3. All programs promoting War and the technology behind those must cease.

Tonight on Discovery: “Surviving the Cut,” featuring Recon Marines.

There is no sense in advertising weapons of mass-destruction anymore. Instead, talk about ways to disassemble civilization and concentrate the message in finding SOLUTIONS to solving global military mechanized conflict. Again, solutions solutions instead of just repeating the same old wars with newer weapons. Also, keep out the fraudulent peace movements. They are liars and fakes and had no real intention of ending the wars. ALL OF THEM ARE FAKE! On one hand, they claim they want the wars to end, on the other, they are demanding the human population increase. World War II had 2 Billion humans and after that war, the people decided that tripling the population would assure peace. WTF??? STUPIDITY! MORE HUMANS EQUALS MORE WAR!

Actually, in the 65 years it’s taken to triple the world’s population, we’ve never come close to a war the size and scope of WWII. I understand that all-capitals feel more convincing, but it’s no substitute for evidence.

4. Civilization must be exposed for the filth it is. That, and all its disgusting religious-cultural roots and greed. Broadcast this message until the pollution in the planet is reversed and the human population goes down! This is your obligation. If you think it isn’t, then get hell off the planet! Breathe Oil! It is the moral obligation of everyone living otherwise what good are they??

5. Immigration: Programs must be developed to find solutions to stopping ALL immigration pollution and the anchor baby filth that follows that. Find solutions to stopping it. Call for people in the world to develop solutions to stop it completely and permanently. Find solutions FOR these countries so they stop sending their breeding populations to the US and the world to seek jobs and therefore breed more unwanted pollution babies. FIND SOLUTIONS FOR THEM TO STOP THEIR HUMAN GROWTH AND THE EXPORTATION OF THAT DISGUSTING FILTH! (The first world is feeding the population growth of the Third World and those human families are going to where the food is! They must stop procreating new humans looking for nonexistant jobs!)

Please note: immigration is okay for Koreans who give their descendants Anglicized first names.

6. Find solutions for Global Warming, Automotive pollution, International Trade, factory pollution, and the whole blasted human economy. Find ways so that people don’t build more housing pollution which destroys the environment to make way for more human filth! Find solutions so that people stop breeding as well as stopping using Oil in order to REVERSE Global warming and the destruction of the planet!

Totally with him on this one. But… uhhh… why does the Discovery Channel have to spearhead this? Shouldn’t he be targeting the United Nations?

Hahaha, of course not. At least the Discovery Channel does something.

7. Develop shows that mention the Malthusian sciences about how food production leads to the overpopulation of the Human race. Talk about Evolution. Talk about Malthus and Darwin until it sinks into the stupid people’s brains until they get it!!

The American two-party system is terrible for this guy. “I hate immigration, but I favor evolutionary science to religion.”

8. Saving the Planet means saving what’s left of the non-human Wildlife by decreasing the Human population. That means stopping the human race from breeding any more disgusting human babies! You’re the media, you can reach enough people. It’s your resposibility because you reach so many minds!!!

I appreciate this wacko’s message about “19 and Kids and Counting,” but it would’ve been a lot more helpful if he’d just bombed the Duggars’ home.

9. Develop shows that will correct and dismantle the dangerous US world economy. Find solutions for their disasterous Ponzi-Casino economy before they take the world to another nuclear war.

Another nuclear war? Is he counting two A-bombs in World War II, or did I sleep through a nuclear war?

10. Stop all shows glorifying human birthing on all your channels and on TLC. Stop Future Weapons shows or replace the dialogue condemning the people behind these developments so that the shows become exposes rather than advertisements of Arms sales and development!

Dude, point number 10 is just points and 1 and 3 combined. We need the Oscars’ symphony to play this guy off.

11. You’re also going to find solutions for unemployment and housing. All these unemployed people makes me think the US is headed toward more war.

It’s what I’ve said all along: euthanize homeless people.

Humans are the most destructive, filthy, pollutive creatures around and are wrecking what’s left of the planet with their false morals and breeding culture.

Fair point. AND THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL MUST FIX IT!

For every human born, ACRES of wildlife forests must be turned into farmland in order to feed that new addition over the course of 60 to 100 YEARS of that new human’s lifespan! THIS IS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE FOREST CREATURES!!!! All human procreation and farming must cease!

This guy wouldn’t be so against procreating if he’d ever gotten laid.

It is the responsiblity of everyone to preserve the planet they live on by not breeding any more children who will continue their filthy practices. Children represent FUTURE catastrophic pollution whereas their parents are current pollution. NO MORE BABIES! Population growth is a real crisis. Even one child born in the US will use 30 to a thousand times more resources than a Third World child. It’s like a couple are having 30 babies even though it’s just one! If the US goes in this direction maybe other countries will too!

Whoa, “maybe”? There’s no room for what-ifs in a madman’s manifesto. This guy really should have made a second draft.

Also, war must be halted.

Agreed. It’s morally wrong.

Not because it’s morally wrong,

Oh.

but because of the catastrophic environmental damage modern weapons cause to other creatures. FIND SOLUTIONS JUST LIKE THE BOOK SAYS! Humans are supposed to be inventive. INVENT, DAMN YOU!!

Dammit Jim! I’m a blogger, not an inventor!

The world needs TV shows that DEVELOP solutions to the problems that humans are causing, not stupify the people into destroying the world. Not encouraging them to breed more environmentally harmful humans.

Saving the environment and the remaning species diversity of the planet is now your mindset. Nothing is more important than saving them. The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels.

Of course the squirrels.

The humans? The planet does not need humans.

But who will provide the planet with precious sarcasm?

You MUST KNOW the human population is behind all the pollution and problems in the world, and YET you encourage the exact opposite instead of discouraging human growth and procreation. Surely you MUST ALREADY KNOW this!

I want Discovery Communications to broadcast on their channels to the world their new program lineup and I want proof they are doing so. I want the new shows started by asking the public for inventive solution ideas to save the planet and the remaining wildlife on it.

If he wanted the lineup to change, he should have taken hostages during pilot season and upfronts, so Discovery executives could have time to change the fall lineup. It’s an unreasonable timeline.

12. Say “herro” and “prease” a lot. People should really be nicer to each other as a rule. Why can’t we all just get along (and without breeding)?

By: r.pgh

09.01.2010 @ 4:15 PM

you know… if you’re going to hold an entire broadcasting company hostage and list television show demands, the fucking least you could do is ask for an extension on shark week.

I’m just saying…

By: WittyPhrase

09.01.2010 @ 4:15 PM

Essentially this guy wants a reality TV show (one of the definitive elements of the ridiculous state of human civilization today) to solve all the world’s problems or he’s going to do something terrible? I’ve seen enough cop movies – where are the snipers?

“sayings of Lee” is the new “Thus spoke Zarathustra”

By: elandyo

09.01.2010 @ 4:17 PM

Damn… This is crazy on a whole ‘nother level.

Also I thank the internet that we can mock hostage takers as the situation unfolds.

Also, Matt, you should pass this post around the wackadoo community. I’ve got to believe “Demand/Ransom Letter Editor” could be a sustainable side project.

Matt: See, here you said, “I’ll will literally gnaw the hostages’ limbs off if these demands are not met.” Common mistake. For that to be true, you’d actually have to intend to remove the hostages arms and legs using nothing but your teeth.

Wackadoo: … Yeah. And?

By: La Favre

09.01.2010 @ 4:25 PM

I’m going to go ahead and take a wild guess that this guy isn’t an actual scientist.

By: ChinoMoreno

09.01.2010 @ 4:26 PM

If he hates infants so much, why doesn’t he just go back to China?

By: hardawayhatesyou

09.01.2010 @ 4:29 PM

“of course, the Squirrels” is obviously going to be the best meme of 2010.

By: Vince FilmDrunk

09.01.2010 @ 4:29 PM

So why didn’t this guy murder all the Duggars? I’m not saying that he should, just that it would be a good id– wait, forget I said anything.

By: essequemodeia

09.01.2010 @ 4:33 PM

Ten bucks says his wife is pregnant.

By: Mo Charlo

09.01.2010 @ 4:39 PM

One football helmet with cream cheese… 67 copies of Moby Dick…

By: Matt

09.01.2010 @ 4:40 PM

Coming this fall to TLC: 19 Kids and Subtracting!

By: Josh

09.01.2010 @ 4:40 PM

This is the Asian guy from Mythbusters, right?

By: ryan

09.01.2010 @ 4:41 PM

Matt, maybe he’ll agree to let you teach sarcasm to the squirrels.

Yeah, this guys nuts, but I do like the Dr. Doom-esque sign-off for his manifesto.

By: r.pgh

09.01.2010 @ 4:41 PM

I wonder if he’s the creepy guy I always see hanging out at the abortion clinic high fiving all the girls that walk in?

Wait, that’s me. carry on.

By: JessicaDwyer

09.01.2010 @ 4:42 PM

So we have the god damn Jon and Kate to blame for this?

By: mehwhatever

09.01.2010 @ 5:13 PM

Holy fuck, this guy is a hero

By: intoxirish

09.01.2010 @ 5:13 PM

ten bucks says his wife is a squirrel

By: Leapin_Lizards

09.01.2010 @ 5:19 PM

mmmm…that’s some delicious crazy.

For the record, this is my favorite Warming Glow post ever, and it didn’t even have tits…yet.

By: Alfredo Garcia

09.01.2010 @ 6:32 PM

Hostage standoffs are earth friendly and cheap to produce.

What reality show couldn’t be improved with a hostage execution and suicide? Survivor finally gets some reality!

By: E

09.01.2010 @ 8:00 PM

I’ll echo Leapin and agree that this is probably my favorite Warming Glow post/comments of all time.

Well done gents, oh and of course the squirrels also applaud your comedy and sarcasm.

By: Kandis

09.01.2010 @ 8:09 PM

“More helpful if he bombed he Duggar house?” Yikes! Ummm, I think it ended just how it should. One crazy man dead. Thank you so much for posting his demands. A good read and thought provoking. He has some good core values but far to extreme to be heard/understood in this world. I bet this guy wasn’t bathed often as an infant. When I have a baby, I’m gonna keep him pretty clean and yummy baby smelling. Do my best to make sure he isn’t a “filthy human.” And I can also tell this wacko never found love or at least enjoyed regular sex. Far too pent up. I don’t think my having a baby is going to help the planet, but I want one and I’ve never been good at saying “no” to my selfishness. I am not concerned about the planet. It will be around till I die, and after that… it’s my kid’s problem. Haha. Not gonna blow people up or even stop leaving the water running while I brush to save some red-assed baboon in some jungle. Most wildlife scares me anyway J

By: Gawd

09.01.2010 @ 8:13 PM

“you must know humans are the cause of all the worlds problems…” What breed of idiot was this guy? Animals don’t have problems beyond getting eaten and eating. Global warming is good for vegetation. He was on something.

By: Kandis

09.01.2010 @ 8:16 PM

I’m gonna go one step further and assume he had a small penis. That and being plain crazy keeps the love life dull or null, I’m sure.

By: Keenan

09.01.2010 @ 9:25 PM

This guy looks a lot like Lou Diamond Phillips. Are you sure it’s not Lou Diamond Phillips?

By: Thane36425

09.01.2010 @ 9:42 PM

Maybe he did get laid but caught a nasty STD?

By: ramone

09.01.2010 @ 10:14 PM

this guy is definitely a people person

By: Gus

09.01.2010 @ 10:57 PM

Um, he’s Korean so he wouldn’t have gone “back” to China.

Take that teabaggers. We aren’t all unarmed hippies. LOL

By: Deux Deux Deux

09.02.2010 @ 9:34 AM

Thank you, Gus. I was concerned a PoFlaWa wouldn’t break out.

By: ruhtarded truck driver

09.02.2010 @ 10:43 AM

I wonder if its too late to change my fantasy football team name to Pollution Babies.

By: Socal

09.02.2010 @ 12:03 PM

Koreans w/ anglican names? Odd, out of place comment but whatever.

By: Paul

09.02.2010 @ 5:43 PM

If he’s really mad about bad TV programming he should have taken hostages at MTV. I guess that wouldn’t work though. No one would have cared.

By: Biases

09.02.2010 @ 6:27 PM

The person who wrote the article shows his/her bias when they assume James is a Korean immigrant. “Oh, since he’s not white, he probably immigrated from another country.” Maybe he was born here? Dumbass.

By: Sophia

09.03.2010 @ 9:32 AM

Umm, Biases – I think you missed the point. Check in the wall, over your head. It’s there somewhere.