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sdritchie on ""Winter World Cup better for England", says Rooney"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=86805#post-251228
Wed, 25 Feb 2015 11:40:36 +0000sdritchie251228@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I think the idea behind it is a good one - Rooney mistakenly assuming that winter will be cold everywhere therefore giving England a chance - but that seems to be removed by the third paragraph where he says "sat around the pool in the sunshine".
</p>Andy Gilder on ""Winter World Cup better for England", says Rooney"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=86805#post-251223
Wed, 25 Feb 2015 10:07:03 +0000Andy Gilder251223@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>In an interview for NewsBiscuit, England football captain Wayne Rooney has expressed his support for the decision to move the 2022 World Cup in Qatar to the winter.</p>
<p>"Obviously, playing in the summer was going to be really difficult for the lads due to the heat and everything", said Rooney through an interpreter, "but moving it to winter suits us".</p>
<p>"Normally in November and December we would be in freezing cold shitholes like Burnley or Stoke, so to be sat around a pool in the sunshine with the wife and kids instead is going to be lovely."</p>
<p>Rooney also dismissed concerns that having the final on December 23rd would make Christmas preparations difficult for the players' families, claiming that England expect to be "home in time to open the first window on their advent calendars".
</p>Andy Gilder on "FIFA to become Islamic state"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=85272#post-247218
Wed, 07 Jan 2015 10:41:56 +0000Andy Gilder247218@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>In a move set to stun the world of football, ruling body FIFA has today declared itself an Islamic caliphate.</p>
<p>A source wishing to remain anonymous told us, "When Sepp Blatter saw what a public relations success becoming an Islamic caliphate had been for ISIS, it was only a matter of time before he took FIFA down the same route."</p>
<p>Under the laws of the new caliphate, only true followers of the President - who has renamed himself Blattah Most Holy - will be allowed access. Those who oppose him - now referred to as "infidels" - will be hunted down and beheaded, although this is expected to be reduced to taking off the Christmas card list on appeal.</p>
<p>One of the first casualties of the change is expected to be women's football. although as our source told us, "It won't make that much of a difference, because nobody at FIFA ever took it seriously anyway."
</p>Last Hussar on "FIFA Launch investigation into Hamilton Win"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=84027#post-243969
Sun, 23 Nov 2014 22:33:40 +0000Last Hussar243969@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Following today's win for Lewis Hamilton in the Abu Dhabi, clinching the F1 title, Sepp Blatter has announced an investigation, saying it will be fair, open, and result in the removal of 200 championship points from Hamilton.</p>
<p>Protests that FIFA has nothing to do with motor sport was dismissed by Blatter as "typical FA propaganda to cover English wrong-doing"
</p>Dumbnews on "Confusion as football player "scores goal""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=78809#post-229629
Sun, 13 Jul 2014 18:00:41 +0000Dumbnews229629@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Good 1
</p>mortysmith on "Confusion as football player "scores goal""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=78809#post-229603
Sun, 13 Jul 2014 11:23:48 +0000mortysmith229603@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>A football player, who has asked not to be named, has thrown the football establishment into chaos by kicking the ball into the opposition's net during open play, a practice football historians have described as "scoring a goal".</p>
<p>"At first, everything seemed normal", explained the baffled referee. "He dribbled the ball into the other team's 18 yard box. Then just when I assumed he was about to dive to the ground, clutching one or preferably both shins in simulated agony, he actually kicked the ball towards the goal and it went in. The goalkeeper seemed as astonished as I was."</p>
<p>Play had to be halted while FIFA officials consulted the Association Football Rulebook, which surprised everyone by confirming that goals scored during open play count just as much as penalties won by vastly overreacting to perfectly legitimate tackles. </p>
<p>However, this seems unlikely to quell the protests of the opposing team's manager.</p>
<p>"It just won't do to say that this is technically within the rules. It's simply not in the spirit of the game. My concern is that if such cynical tactics are rewarded, young players will learn the wrong lesson and this sort of thing might become commonplace."
</p>The Last Detail on "Mike Myers vows to retire comedy creation Luis Suarez after World Cup"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=78050#post-227678
Tue, 24 Jun 2014 21:12:29 +0000The Last Detail227678@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Comedian Mike Myers has revealed that this summer's World Cup in Brazil will be the final outing for his popular comedy character, Uruguayan football star, Luis Suarez. The larger-than-life creation which has kept audiences amused with a mixture of sublime footballing skills, ridiculous post-match comments and slap-stick biting routines has, Myers admitted, now run its course.</p>
<p>"It just began as a sketch at first" Myers revealed after the Uruguay v Italy match "I had some comedy teeth left over from one of the 'Austin Powers' movies and I was just goofing around, pretending to bite people when we came up with the idea for this foreign footballer who was brilliant with a ball at his feet but does really inappropriate things in between scoring goals."</p>
<p>Myers admitted that the recurring gag of biting fellow footballers had probably been "over-used" now and he was anxious to "develop new comedy creations" rather than rehash this "tried and tested format."</p>
<p>However, inside sources have suggested that there may be other factors influencing Myers' decision to retire his fictional footballer. It has emerged that the significant costs of using C.G.I. to create Suarez's trick-shots and spectacular goals on 'Match of The Day' each week have meant that it would probably have been impractical for Myers to continue in the role next season. Cuts at the BBC would have dictated that "cheaper alternatives" - including cut-aways to fans' facial expressions each time Suarez did something special - would have been necessary if Myers had reprised the role for another sequel.</p>
<p>Myers is believed to be working on the idea of an Australian fast-bowler in touch with his "feminine side" for his next comedy project.
</p>james_doc on "New Cards to Simplify Football"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=70947#post-208683
Mon, 20 Jan 2014 19:34:18 +0000james_doc208683@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>FIFA, the world football governing body, have announced further details of their proposed idea to introduce an Orange Card to the game; which would cause the penalised player to be sent off the pitch for a period of time.<br />
The card itself will be graded in colour from yellow to red, with the orientation informing the player of their sanction. If the card is shown with the yellow end uppermost, the player must sit on the edge of the technical area with their head facing the wall. After five minutes, they must apologise to the fourth official and will be allowed back onto the pitch once they've made up.<br />
If the card is shown with the red visible, the player must sit out seven minutes of action - then publicly explain the error of their ways to the crowd before the next home game.<br />
"We at FIFA are proud of our continual innovation of the sport." Said Richard Onowale, spokesman for the federation. "From adding non-participating officials to designing balls that are even more spherical, you can be assured that FIFA is at the forefront of managing integration and development of the beautiful game."<br />
Onowale also announced an additional rule for the Women's Game developed by FIFA President Sepp Blatter. For a minor offence, the referee may choose to show a pink card. For this, instead of a suspension or sending off, the player must receive a hard spanking over the knee of the referee, while the fourth official records the event to ensure discipline has been handed out in a fair and metered manner. The FIFA President himself will then study all tapes thoroughly to make sure the new penalty is effective.<br />
"I like to make sure bad girls are punished." Said the president when telephoned asking for a comment.
</p>beau-jolly on "FIFA Boss accused of Anti Anti-Corruption claim."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35262#post-99506
Tue, 06 Dec 2011 16:04:01 +0000beau-jolly99506@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>BTW Not my stars again.
</p>beau-jolly on "FIFA Boss accused of Anti Anti-Corruption claim."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35262#post-99505
Tue, 06 Dec 2011 16:02:50 +0000beau-jolly99505@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Telegraph prize crossword Saturday 3rd Dec "FIFA boss possibly has an advantage"<br />
(5,2,3,4)
</p>A.Parody on "FIFA Boss accused of Anti Anti-Corruption claim."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35262#post-99504
Tue, 06 Dec 2011 15:55:02 +0000A.Parody99504@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Celebration took place today in Switzerland at FIFA’s headquarters as unforeseen complications lead to delays in the publication of documentation naming and shaming official from the ISL. Blatter who was quoted recently outlining that “corruption happens, the two parties should shake hands and walk off the stand friends”, denies that any anti anti-corruption measures where implemented in the suspension of real progress with the document’s exposure.</p>
<p>“It is a well know fact that the gentlemen of FIFA require philanthropic donations in order maintain their simple lives,” quoted Blatter “we just don’t talk about it, it’s vulgar.” Ethical suggestions arose when Blatter later stated that “each team carefully selected by (himself), is overseen by (himself).”</p>
<p>Following the World Cup scandal that was finally quelled, only when Blatter closed the incident, shock has escalated as to the legitimacy of the legal problems surrounding the ISL's exposure. Blatter did admit that, upon appointing himself personal legal adviser to the President of FIFA his work load has increased but refuses to admit that that will limit his roles elsewhere.</p>
<p>Sholto Davidson, who until recently lived at 19 Strasse, Zurich, shed light on some of the extracurricular activities within the fortress: “They’re there all night partying, drinking and listening to Tiesto. My mailbox has been smashed to pieces so many times I had to move. They even scolded my chocolate Lab, Adi, but fortunately they apologised after his walk otherwise I would have hit the roof.”</p>
<p>Growing concern came from the FA, who whilst continuing to severely stroke their chins in condemnation, decided to write a letter of complaint which was shockingly assassinated in a queue outside Victoria Tube Station. As of yet no one has claimed responsibility for the attack, but the Royal Mail has issued a statement to the police outlining a description of the assailant: 5’7’’-5’7.5’’, round faced, balding, aged between 70-80 with a thick French accent. Scotland Yard are pursuing all leads and have appealed to the public for any witnesses.</p>
<p>Anti anti-corruption speciality Hansi Cronje stated “(he’d) wager a pretty penny on some jiggery-pokery taking place,” after disappearing into a nearby Ladbrooks.<br />
Blatter as of yet has been unavailable to comment further on the allegations of anti anti-corruption but insists via a statement on FIFA's website that he and his personal legal adviser are assuring that nothing is swept underneath his beautiful new fox fur carpet.
</p>Gary Stanton on "Pandemic feared as source of E Coli. outbreak traced to Sepp Blatter’s mouth ."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25945#post-70602
Thu, 02 Jun 2011 12:56:41 +0000Gary Stanton70602@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The deadly E Coli. outbreak cutting a swathe through Central Europe has been traced to the mouth of Sepp Blatter, after the autocratic FIFA president was spotted spouting huge quantities of faeces . </p>
<p>Initial tests suggested that Blatter may have caught the infection after dining on a cucumber salad with Grace Jones in Hamburg’s Reeperbahn area, until Jack Warner pointed out that he had been spouting it on and off for years. </p>
<p>Scientists took swabs from Blatter’s mouth after his FIFA coronation speech in Zurich and were later able to confirm it as the enterohaemorrhagic EHEC strain which can cause victims to ‘turn a blind eye’ and projectile-vomit bullshit. Other symptoms include a puffed up sense of one’s own importance and an attraction to brown envelopes containing wads of cash. </p>
<p>FIFA delegates first spotted a problem with Blatter’s mouth when he said ‘I'm the president of all the associations and will work with all of them. ’ </p>
<p>‘I had a pickled gerkhin in mine but I’m sure it was cooked properly. ‘ </p>
<p>Blatter lurched forward clutching his mouth, adding,</p>
<p>‘Do you know I own Trevor Horn’s 12 inch remix of Slave To The Rhythm on yellow vinyl?<br />
It’s amazing what you can find in Record Collector.’</p>
<p>Those in the front row immediately noticed a foul stench, although the representative from Chile began tapping his feet with a faraway look in his eyes.</p>
<p>As fears of a pandemic rose, Russia responded with a total ban on Sepp Blatters despite being the biggest importer of arrogant corrupt bastards in ill-fitting suits, while experts have advised those travelling to and from Blatter’s mouth to take precautions.</p>
<p>Today the footballing body issued an emergency recall of FIFA-sponsored Panini football sticker albums bearing Blatter’s image, including those which lack a picture of Cyril Regis when he played for West Brom after an ill-advised playground swap with Garry Birtles from Nottingham Forest.</p>
<p>Brian Franks of the Health Advisory Committee said:</p>
<p>‘I’d swap you Norwich City’s badge for one each of Ryan Giggs and Andy Carroll but it might have some shit on it. ’
</p>Smaug on "Father Christmas accused of attempt to buy the World Cup for Lapland"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25764#post-70088
Mon, 30 May 2011 16:00:18 +0000Smaug70088@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Suspended FIFA vice-president Jack Warner has alleged that Father Christmas, a senior official in Lapland's footballing association, was at the center of a campaign of bribery and intimidation to bring the 2022 World Cup to Lapland.</p>
<p>"He had a gift for everyone, but at the same time made sure we were aware he knew where we all lived." he said in a statement today.</p>
<p>Warner quoted from an email that said Father Christmas had a "list", with extravagant bribes for those whose names were on it. Menacingly, the consequences for those who were not on the list were never stated.</p>
<p>The Lappish FA responded angrily to the remarks, and are taking legal advice on their options. But one of the Lapland bid's official sponsors, Coca Cola, is said to be considering withdrawing their support.</p>
<p>Lapland's bid was finally rejected on the grounds that they never qualify, all of the facilities would have to be built from scratch and that the climate is inappropriate. Instead, the competition was awarded to Qatar.
</p>digidave on "World Cup 2026 - Antarctica "Front-Runner""http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18405#post-49552
Tue, 14 Dec 2010 13:21:10 +0000digidave49552@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>As FIFA has now made clear its desire to have future World Cups in areas without a strong football tradition, a new frontrunner has already emerged for the next World Cup to be assigned: </p>
<p>Antarctica 2026.</p>
<p>The bid spokesman, Ranulph Scott-Shackleton, commented "As the only entrant so far, we must be the front-runner. We don't see any problem in hosting the tournament in January as will have been traditional since Qatar 2022. We have already held exhibition matches where heaters were used to raise the temperature to a balmy 23 degrees. And we have every confidence that the 'teething problems' around the melting of the permafrost will soon be overcome." He added "I would, of course, like to send my condolences to the loved ones of the 22 victims of that tragic drowning incident."</p>
<p>As a precursor to the bid, 2011 will see the kick-off of the inaugural Polar Premiership, to be contested between eight new 'franchises':</p>
<p>New Zealand Ross Dependency Glaciers, Peter I Island Fjords, Australian Antarctic Territory Huskies, Argentine Antarctica Circles, France's Adélie Land Sang-Froid, the Queen Maud Land Freeze, Antártica (Chile) Chillers and the team already tipped as underdogs, the British Antarctic Territory Sleet.</p>
<p>In parallel to this, they will also contest the Terra Australis Trophy knockout competition. An elite Champions' League is planned to be run between the top 7 Polar Premiership sides and the best 7 sides from the North Pole Championship (scheduled to start in 2013). This competition will be known as the Bipolar Tournament.</p>
<p>The 'Silvio Berlusconi of Football', Sepp Blatter, would not be drawn into commenting upon the chances of Antarctica being awarded the 2026 World Cup but did confirm that he has ambitions to open up the World Cup to new locations even further afield. He enthused:</p>
<p>"Next, it's 'Mercury 2030'! Heck, listen to that tagline - it nearly rhymes. We're onto a winner, I know it!"</p>
<p><img src="http://itn.co.uk/storyf8d6a0c20c8b7cc3173fee6f98e7b09b.jpg">
</p>TerribleTim on "FIFA Executive to sleep on Boris Johnsons floor during 2012 Olympics"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17840#post-48048
Sun, 05 Dec 2010 16:03:49 +0000TerribleTim48048@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Mayor of London Boris Johnson has hit back at FIFA officials following their rejection of England's World Cup bid by withdrawing the offer of a free stay at the Dorchester Hotel during the 2012 Olympics. Instead he has pledged to put the 22 man committee up at his three bedroomed Chelsea residence.</p>
<p>Speaking in the aftermath of the news that the 2018 World Cup would be hosted by Russia Mayor Johnson defended his decision claiming that while he had promised lodgings for senior officials he had never guaranteed any rooms at the Dorchester.</p>
<p>"I may have mentioned the Dorchester as one of the possible options but I can only think my words have been misinterpreted - no promise was ever made. In the final analysis the decision was made to break new ground and host the delegation at a new up and coming venue, my West End pad."</p>
<p>There has been no shortage of media criticism following the venue announcement this week including question marks over Johnson's ability to house 22 grown men as well as allegations that the switch has been made for financial reasons.</p>
<p>"What people need to realise is that my flat will look very different come 2012. I'm ordering a sofa bed that will sleep two, perhaps three at a push and I have successfully trialled an inflatable matress in the spare bedroom. I'm also having a downstairs WC fitted so the venue will certainly be able to deal with the morning bathroom rush."</p>
<p>The measures are unlikely to satisfy FIFA however. Today an insider questioned whether the extension would be completed on time while criticising the proposed sleeping arrangements that would see FIFA president Sepp Blatter share a bed with Boris Johnson with Jack Warner forced to sleep in the bath.
</p>Scroat on "Sorry wrong forum"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17536#post-47451
Thu, 02 Dec 2010 22:15:08 +0000Scroat47451@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Excellent.
</p>dotdash on "Surprise as Russia win the right to hold the world cup"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17539#post-47446
Thu, 02 Dec 2010 21:33:10 +0000dotdash47446@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>There has been wide spread surprise that the Russian bid for host the world cup was successful. A unnamed source from the England bid said “We thought Spain would win it, we never expected a corrupted cartel with hatred for the free press and self-obsessed leader would pick Russia”.
</p>dotdash on "Sorry wrong forum"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17536#post-47443
Thu, 02 Dec 2010 21:22:24 +0000dotdash47443@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Reposted in the correct forum
</p>IABP on "Jubilation as UK selected to stage 2015 UK general election"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17496#post-47377
Thu, 02 Dec 2010 17:02:28 +0000IABP47377@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Either works very well. Oxy knows enough about football, despite being a Spurs fan, to finish it off.
</p>Skylarking on "Jubilation as UK selected to stage 2015 UK general election"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17496#post-47368
Thu, 02 Dec 2010 16:44:38 +0000Skylarking47368@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Feel like I should write an article to go with this one, but beggered if I know enough about FIFA and footie in general to take this much further.</p>
<p>So I throw down the gauntlet to the rest of you. (Alternatively you could have an article 'disappointment as Malaysia wins right to stage 2015 UK general election')
</p>TerribleTim on "Wikileaks reveal concerns FIFA developing nuclear weapons"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17390#post-47116
Wed, 01 Dec 2010 19:22:39 +0000TerribleTim47116@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>more soon...
</p>TerribleTim on "FIFA issue a Lothario warning to the East Midlands as Sven heads for Leicester"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13376#post-36356
Sun, 03 Oct 2010 13:03:41 +0000TerribleTim36356@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>more soon
</p>Golgo13 on "Windows Upgrade Banned by Fifa"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7313#post-19616
Mon, 28 Jun 2010 12:09:18 +0000Golgo1319616@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Should modern painkillers be allowed for football injuries? </p>
<p>Should the players be allowed to use motorised transport to get to the matches? </p>
<p>Should the games even be televised in the first place?
</p>SugarTits69 on "Windows Upgrade Banned by Fifa"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7313#post-19613
Mon, 28 Jun 2010 11:54:08 +0000SugarTits6919613@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Sepp Blatter's Amish upbringing revealed.
</p>wirralmatt on "Windows Upgrade Banned by Fifa"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7313#post-19612
Mon, 28 Jun 2010 11:52:05 +0000wirralmatt19612@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Fifa staff have had their requests for a Windows upgrade rejected by senior managers according to an irate administrator.</p>
<p>The member of staff who wished to remain nameless said "We've been working on Windows 3.1 for more than 20 years and we thought a request to upgrade to Windows 95 would be passed by the management without any problems. Rejecting this upgrade is just senseless. Everyone in Fifa agrees that it is time technology was introduced to our offices!"</p>
<p>A leaked memo from Sepp Blatter to senior Fifa IT Managers is reported to have said "Technology is not necessary in the game of football. Ultimately the work has to be done by a human being so let's just leave it to our administrators to do without the use of complex technology. Afterall, if we start introducing technology to our offices, where will we draw the line?"</p>
<p>It is understood that the administrators at Fifa will be consulting their unions for further support on the matter.
</p>QorbeQ on "North Korean atomic super-mutant 'must play in goal' insists FIFA"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5830#post-15980
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 09:18:40 +0000QorbeQ15980@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Always wondered if it implementing a rush-goalie system would add to the excitement and scorelines - just for the World Cup mind you, so's they don't get to practise much.
</p>jp1885 on "North Korean atomic super-mutant 'must play in goal' insists FIFA"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5830#post-15977
Mon, 07 Jun 2010 09:13:00 +0000jp188515977@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>North Korea's attempt to bolster their World Cup team up-front by nominating a specially-bred striker as their third goalkeeper has backfired spectacularly today, after FIFA insisted that the genetically engineered atomic super-mutant must actually play in goal, and not outfield as originally planned.</p>
<p>In an attempt to boost the nation's attacking options against Group G opponents Brazil, Ivory Coast and Portugal, North Korean coach and political commissar Kim Jong-hun decided to name only two regular goalkeepers in his squad, with Ang Myong-Se, an atomic super-striker and by-product of Pyongyang's nuclear programme, as the back-up.</p>
<p>According to official North Korean news sources, Ang was painstakingly created under the strictest of laboratory conditions to become the 'perfect striker, with the power of an atomic warhead behind his right foot.' 'Our glorious scientists have endowed upon him the spatial awareness of a golden eagle,' claimed a recent propaganda broadcast, 'combined with the speed of a cheetah, the tenacity of a bear and the rugged good looks of our glorious leader Kim Jong-il. He will dominate and bemuse even the stoutest-hearted decadent western capitalist back four.'</p>
<p>However FIFA's instance on 23 players, three of whom must be goalkeepers, has scuppered this ambitious plan. 'If he is listed as a goalkeeper then that is the position he must play,' a FIFA spokesman insisted, 'regardless of how much diabolical tinkering with the very fabric of reality it took to create him. The fact that he can play keepie-uppy non-stop for over five months is neither here nor there.'</p>
<p>In retaliation, the North Koreans have accused the FIFA of being overly speciesist, giving 'undue preference to pure-bred humans over the downtrodden socialist nuclear powered superman' - a charge the governing body vehemently denies. 'It is North Korea's blatant attempt at rule bending that we take exception to, not their player's biological superiority. We didn't hold this tournament in the Rainbow Nation for nothing you know - we welcome and embrace all nations, races and super-powers.'</p>
<p>FIFA has also pointed to England's national team as further evidence of their openness; 'just look at the diversity of Capello's squad if you don't believe us: some players are white, some black, plus there's a human/monkey hybrid and, if Rio Ferdinand is to be believed, a 'fucking donkey', up front.'
</p>Griffin on "FIFA: 'English world cup bid scribbled on with crayon'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4599#post-12901
Mon, 17 May 2010 11:00:31 +0000Griffin12901@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>You didn't mention that the crayon tracks hid secret recording devices which contained a truth drug which activates when licked.
</p>jp1885 on "FIFA: 'English world cup bid scribbled on with crayon'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4599#post-12895
Mon, 17 May 2010 10:45:37 +0000jp188512895@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Hmm - I may have over-egged the pudding with this one. I started off with a nice little idea about the FA bid being drawn on with crayon, then along comes some money-grabbing bint who not only screws a lord (and England's chances of hosting the 2018 world cup) but also my sub!
</p>jp1885 on "FIFA: 'English world cup bid scribbled on with crayon'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4599#post-12893
Mon, 17 May 2010 10:22:35 +0000jp188512893@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The England's 2018 world cup hopes have suffered yet another blow today, after governing body FIFA returned the FA's bid book, complaining that it had been 'defaced with substantial amounts of childish scribbling'.</p>
<p>The 1,752 page dossier, handed to FIFA president Sepp Blatter by soccer legend David Beckham in Zurich last week, has purportedly been covered with a number of immature doodles, including a crude crayon drawing of a stick figure woman with large breasts. 'The originator obviously has some affection for this figure,' complained a FIFA spokesman, 'judging by the amount of X kisses drawn next to it.'</p>
<p>In addition, a number of graphs detailing the seating capacity of England's major stadiums has been coloured in, while a section highlighting the bid's eco credentials has simply been overwritten with the word 'boring' in large capital letters. </p>
<p>The back cover of the book has also been defaced; bearing a large Chad labelled 'wot no kickbacks?' The document also includes an arrow-pierced love heart bearing the legend 'Lord T 4 Mel', with the 'Mel' crossed out and replaced by the words, written in more legible handwriting, 'sneaky bitch'. </p>
<p>World Cup Bid 2018/2022 has been beset with problems from the outset, with several members of the bid team falling out over the exact format of the dossier. 'Most of us were happy with the layout of the book,' said one anonymous FA insider, 'but one high-profile person kept insisting on a pop-up, or at least lift-the-flap, version.'</p>
<p>The English FA has staunchly defended its bid team against accusations of tampering, maintaining that none of the books were taken out of their packaging during the flight to Zurich. Meanwhile, newly installed FA bid leader Geoff Thompson is said to be grilling the chief executive of Jacobprint, the company responsible for printing the document; and was last seen taking the 37-year-old privately educated economics and biology graduate out to lunch at RusOlé!, the trendy restaurant that she part-owns with a Spanish-Russian business associate.
</p>