Issue #45

I took my now exes virginity and also got an STD from her. Solve that riddle. -Ben

My girl has been traveling Africa for 4 months now  we used to see each other a lot  so obviously i have a lot of spare time on my hands. I just reached the end page on failblog today i have to much spare time -Anonymous

My girlfriend thought I hacked her Facebook account because I posted a link on her wall I thought she'd like. I had to apologize -Matt

I graduated college last fall. To this day I'm still hearing about guys who've slept with my ex-gf. She goes to college 6 hours away -Anonymous

One time my ex and I went out for dinner when one of the diners nearby started choking. I immediately jumped up and did the heimlich successfully, and everyone in the restaurant cheered. My ex didn't say a word and on the way home accused me of not paying attention to her. WTF

-Anonymous

As broke college grads both my girlfriend and I live with our parents. It's about 10pm, we're hanging out together on the futon in her mom's basement watching whichever movie on tv. As usual we don't get through even the first ten minutes of the movie before we start making out and getting frisky. Feeling like its late enough for everyone to be in bed, and the upstairs having been silent for half an hour we risk it and finally get naked. We're about 15 minutes into the action, things are really heating up, lots of lip biting, a little moaning and some futon-frame-creaking  when out of nowhere we hear a flurry of footsteps from the second floor. SHIT. We both freeze the cowgirl. Our hearts race. Silence. More silence. We exchange nervous glances. Shall we start again? NO! The lights flash on in the basement. SHITSHITSHITSHIT! Another flurry of footsteps down into the basement  Now I'm pretty sure we defied the laws of physics as we both soundlessly teleported off the bed, flipped up and laser-beamed under the covers, and absolutely fucking light-speeded into an innocent looking spooning-under-the-covers, watching-a-little-tv scene. Milliseconds later my girlfriend's sister walks by INCHES from the futon to turn off the lights on the fish tank. She casually does her thing, says goodnight in a somewhat awkward tone and returns to the upstairs leaving us to think that she had no idea, that we were quite the deceivers, all the while giggling at how sneaky and ninja-like we were. It is then that we notice we left ALL our clothes: jeans, shirts, boxers, bra, panties  RIGHT beside the futon, RIGHT where her sister had to walk by  TWICE. We've since told everyone that we'll take care of the tank lights.

-Anonymous

So a few months ago I was hanging out as my girlfriend's house. We have always been able to have sex in her room without her parents saying anything about it. About halfway through, her dad texted her saying 'can you keep it down? I'm watching lost and you are making a terrible soundtrack.' I am still scared to do it there anymore.-M.Y.

I've been an avid reader of these posts for a while now and really enjoyed them, my favorite being 10 points for Gryffindor. I told my flat mates about this and as we were all single we decided to take this 10 points for Gryffindor to a higher level. So we bought giant test tubes and these plastic crystals, now every time one of us gets laid we put a couple of the crystals in the test tubes. So far 80 Points for GRYFFINDOR!!!

-Doug

The other day my girlfriend asked me if Wayne Brady used to be in the Brady Bunch.-Andre