The New York Daily News spared no hokey imagery in bringing America the long-awaited "Hey, I wonder how Plaxico Burress feels after almost a year of being locked up" story today.

He has green prison-issue pants and a blue-shirted corrections officer with him step for step, as if the guy were a defensive back. The irony isn't lost on No. 17, who used to run free in secondaries, a 6-5, 230-pound handful, and now can't shake free of anybody.

Bear with me here: The guard's the defense and he's an old wide receiver, which is an offensive position. The blue that the C.O.'s wearing is the color of the inmate's old jersey. Right? It's not lost on me either!

Fun facts:
• His number is 09R3260.
• He's a porter and mops linoleum floors.
• He reads The Bible faithfully.
• And, he "came into prison weighing 240 pounds. Now he is a hard-looking 224, the byproduct of four-times-a-week workouts, lifting weights in the prison yard (even in January or February) and doing 300-yard sprints in 50-yard increments. He even runs routes."