Originally this post was titled ‘Not Taking Photos of Yourself Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Love Yourself’. It was very long, and also not entirely true. Sometimes I don’t like the way I look because I’ve had a breakout or I have carb bloat, or I’ve not showered and my hair is 9/10 grim.

Sometimes it’s because I can’t be arsed; I’m not a daily makeup wearer and if I need to put a face on for one thing I try to think of a way to get round it until a time when I’m doing something else to make foundation worth it. I have been planning a little challenge based on this, but more on that another time as I digress, because it seems taking photo evidence of my existence isn’t as high on my list anymore.

Maybe it’s the fact I’m the photographer, and unless I am cloned or another photographer is involved, I don’t feel confident in having my photo taken a way I like it. I’m so alien now to posing and selfies with others that I just don’t initiate it as much anymore, despite loving having photos as memory.

I guess it is confidence and routine then, the routine of insisting I stay behind the camera unless I can take a photo of myself and that I’m more BTS than posing, but also in the fact that it’s been years since I’ve taken 20 photos of an OOTD in public and knowing how to ‘werk it’ confidently that I’ve forgotten and stepped away from it.

I always have a vision in my head of what I want, and that’s why I feel as a photographer I’m good because usually we’re on a similar wavelength that I know exactly how the want a shot and experimenting further for even cooler shots, whereas trying to get what I want across to someone else leaves me frustrated, sad and ‘it’s okay, I don’t need an OOTD’ because it’s better to have nothing rather an a 5/10 something right?

Back in May I wrote about body image and how I was trying to take more photos of myself, and I’ve definitely slacked. Maybe I’m too comfortable with being off social media with others when we’re together, getting shy at a Snapchat or not being appropriately dressed for a vlog, but whatever it is, I realise now I need to conquer it.

There is the whole addition of having the eye for a photo, angles, editing and ‘dat blur’, but I feel the conflicting side of wanting photos with people a certain way in a certain relationship (i.e BFFS let’s take loads of pics of us at the beach or event) mixed with not wanting to impose, be constantly snapping and not knowing what I look like when I take photo, leads to a mini explosion in my mind and the iPhone stays out of sight. Yeah, memories sometimes are better than selfies, but having that visual diary of you in a place, doing something with someone or others is pretty nice too.

In conclusion, I need to take more photos of myself, and allow others to take photos of me and trust it’ll be okay and if it isn’t then I trust I can say it’s not – be as picky a model as you are a photographer Lauren, run that shizz. Because if you can’t trust yourself to do that, who will?

Are you a fan of having your photo taken? Does asking for selfies ignite fear or it’s totally easy to do? Have you had camera shy problems in the past?

Lots of Love,
Lauren x

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