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I had certainly heard of 4 month old sleep regressions, and then I suddenly found myself in the midst of one, confused. As if the 4 month regression wasn’t supposed to apply to me.

For nights on end, my little bubbly crane has been waking me at least every hour, screaming to nurse. It was so startling. And then, after days, I found myself exhausted and questioning things like co-sleeping, nursing, and parenting in general. I was worried that I was making the wrong sleeping decisions for our family, and asking Milton every day what we could change so that we could all get some sleep.

Most startling was the scream he would wake with. As if I wasn’t right there, next to him. I worried that he was getting demanding with the boobs, thinking about all of those “cry it out” instructions and all of those people who ever told me that co-sleeping wouldn’t work. I didn’t know quite what to do because, hey! we live in a studio. Crying it out would be crying it out for the whole family, and I can’t have that right when I’m about to go back to work. Plus I can’t bear to hear it from my awesome baby. If he’s crying, he needs me. And we needed sleep- not exhausted tears!

The worst was last Saturday night. I was getting ready to go out for my very first dancing night on the town since, goodness, last New Years Eve, and our little crane was nuts with screaming. I’ve never heard anything like it. We had been out all day and he was certainly sleepy, but he had gotten some naps in and shouldn’t have been feeling as if he were being murdered. Eventually, he fell asleep in Milton’s arms… Milton shoo’d me out the door… and I went DANCING. I felt horribly guilty, but it certainly renewed my confidence and efforts through the all night long nursing.

As sleep regressions are supposed to be coupled with big developmental surges, I watched our crane for scooting, which he’s doing a little bit of, but that sort of brain activity didn’t seem to count towards screaming. Little guy is too sweet for that.

Finally, yesterday at bath time, he pulled a my finger to his mouth. He loves tasting the water on my fingers. Water is a crazy curiousity to him, right now! He likes it, but hasn’t figured out that it can be fun. It’s scary, interesting… and it tastes good. He chomped down on my finger and OMG! TOOTH!! His lower left-hand front tooth is poking out!

I cried my eyes out and gave him his first breast milk popsicle. I’m going to cherish every last one of the gummy bites on the right side of his mouth.

I was extra patient through last night’s nursing. Poor guy. Teeth hurt! I was really hoping we had more time without them.

In other news, he is rolling over! He started about 2 weeks ago. Above is a photo I managed to snap right after his first time getting to his belly on his own. I asked him how he felt! He said I FEEL TOUGH.

Since he’s such a big boy now, I put him in the main seat of his stroller for the first time. It was hard for me to do because I love to have him face me in his infant seat so that I can watch his every funny expression… but I thought we’d try it out. I’m happy to report that he was also skeptical about not seeing his mom all the time…

Had someone told me during all of those years that I spent being my own selfish self that I would love a baby as much as I love you, I probably would have laughed them off. If I could have felt even a tenth of that love, like watching a preview for a fantastic movie, I might have called all my own selfishness off and gone ahead with The Parent Agenda a bit too soon.

I don’t regret having gotten around to my parent agenda a bit late in the game. I got to spend many years becoming my own person, operating by my own whim, and cultivating my own character. That’s a pretty awesome thing and I consider myself very fortunate to live in a modern age where women even have the option of becoming 100% of their possibility before offering some of that possibility up to the whim of a little baby.

Now that you are here, while I look back on the years before you with some nostalgia, I would never go back to a time when you weren’t a part of my life. Rather, I want to take every magical thing that I learned during my time before you and show you just how wonderful life can be.

I hope that you have all the opportunities that I did, and more. I want to help you feel free enough to experience every emotion, free to trod down any path, and free enough to try your hand at any craft that will help you develop your own special brand of person.

I spent a lot of time getting to know myself, but it wasn’t until I started getting to know you that I felt all of my experiences close in full circle. The best way I know how to thank you for that is to be the best parent I can possibly be for you. I probably wouldn’t have been able to be that parent if you had come into my life a decade sooner.

I was so excited to order these leggings online last week. Leggings have been a mainstay since my first trimester. They are maximum comfort to a pregnant belly. I love the photos of the Ingrid and Isabel leggings. I love the supportive stretch over the belly, and how you can tuck it down under everything when you get really big.

I got them last week and loved them at first sight. The fabric is soft, though thinner than I had expected. No matter. I’ve worn them to two yoga classes, and once to work.

I put them on under a tunic today and sighed. It seems that there are already a few small fuzzy pulls on my calf. Also, my favorite and lovely over the knee boots have ruined the fabric where they hit over the knee. How disappointing! So much for a $50 pair of leggings that reports to have been tested for wear and tear. I was hoping that if I shelled out a little extra, I could just wear them everyday if I hand washed them every night. These leggings won’t last another month at this rate.

I think that my next order will go for these $20 micro-fiber leggings on Amazon, which look exactly the same. I won’t feel as bad ruining $20 leggings as I feel having already ruined these.