Animal tax barking up wrong tree

Don't you people ever accuse me of hating puppies. I love puppies. That's just the kind of compassionate guy I am.

Cats I have no use for. And don't get me started on how I feel about pit bulls. Please.

But puppies — I mean, I tear up (not really) at those commercials showing all those puppies in shelters as the sad mood music plays and Sarah McLachlan emotes and you are asked to go empty your wallet.

But despite my very obvious soft spot for puppies, I really have a problem with this idea being floated around Broward County that maybe we should pay more in taxes to keep pets from being put to sleep.

Some group called Pets' Trust Broward says the $13 million a year that could be raised in Broward County through increased property taxes could pay for programs to spay and neuter animals and have educational programs, among other things.

I hear that and I don't get the same feeling I do when I hear Sarah McLachlan cooing or when I see the droopy eyes of the dogs in the public service commercials.

You see, I am of the opinion that you put people issues ahead of animal issues. Call me crazy, but that's how I feel. And that's why I could never vote for a tax involving animals.

(We pause here for an aside on taxes. Yes, I am in favor of the proposal to use public money for the renovation of Sun Life Stadium, for several reasons. 1. It will bring jobs and money and help the community. 2. Most of it is in hotel taxes. 3) The state already pays many millions in tax incentives to businesses like gun manufacturers, who shouldn't get a nickel.)

It is not just the idea of the animal tax that bothers me. What bothers me more is what would certainly come next.

It would just be a matter of time before every group with any cause involving animals is going to be coming around with palms up, asking for money. Kind of like our elected officials, when you think about it.

You will have the sea turtle lovers — and you know who you are — saying they need more tax money to educate people about keeping their headlights dim because the sea turtles in South Florida's coastal cities get suicidal when they see headlights.

You will get the manatee people out, saying they need more millions to educate people about the fat little things, and be sure not to feed them even if they look hungry, and hey Jimmy Buffett loves manatees and so should you. With your tax dollars.

You will get the Save the Whales people. You always get the Save the Whales people. They'll want tax money to educate people about how to stop whales from beaching themselves.

You will get the Save the Seals people, who will be coming around to ask for the property tax money that the Save the Whales people don't take from your pocket. And maybe we can educate people about spaying and neutering whales and seals, if that's what you actually have to do to them.

You will get the global warming people asking for tax money. No, it has nothing to do with animals, but they'll figure they might as well get theirs while we are tossing around tax dollars.

We are told it would cost the average Broward homeowner $21 a year for spaying and neutering the animals. Somehow, before it's over and everybody gets their share, I feel it will be a lot more than $21.

By the way, Broward County commissioners wisely don't seem to support the idea of putting the tax-for-animals question on the ballot.