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Friday, March 22, 2013

The Little Toe Incident

Some of you will know that I fell down a manhole when I was 17. Other ridiculous things have happened to me over the years too. Like the time when I was driving with my window down, along came a huge lorry/truck, the driver flicked his fag end/cigarette butt out of his window - and it landed in my hair. That kind of thing. (To this day the smell of burning hair is with me. Thank god I wasn't wearing hairspray. This was 1988 -it could have been an inferno.)

Anyway, a friend on Facebook commented recently that her little toe had done battle with her coffee table and there's no prize for guessing which one came off best. (Any excuse to sit down with a glass of wine and your foot up eh?) That kind of toe incident can be very painful, and it reminded me of my own little toe* battle. Except of course, it didn't end with me propping the foot up. Oh no.

So I'm in bed one night, and I suddenly remember something (as you do) and got back out. Decided not to switch any lights on, and on the way back to bed, kicked the leg of the bed with my little toe. Yowza, ouch and pain, pain, pain. (Don't you hate that the pain doesn't hit for about 10 seconds so you have the awful anticipation on top of everything?) Got back into bed feeling very sorry for myself. The pain was so bad that I clutched my toe, and it was warm and sticky. Fabulous. Blood everywhere.

Got back out of bed and realised that this little puppy was bleeding profusely and a wad of toilet paper wasn't going to do the trick. Of course the plasters/band-aids were three floors down, in the kitchen, so I waddled down there. Bandaged my toe up and made my way back to bed - only to realise that I had bled profusely on every other stair on the way down. We're talking three flights, people. Oh, and it was a brand new stair carpet.

Let's just say it was about 2am by the time I had mopped the blood from each stair tread and assured myself that I wasn't going to have indelible stains and a lot of explaining to do next morning.

Note to self - Don't EVER look up "bandaged toe" images again. People post the most revolting photos up there. (And this is not my foot by the way.)

I know Gigi - always me. The worst thing was that I flicked the cigarette butt out of my hair and it went into the back seat, so then I had to stop the car and climb all over the back to make sure it wasn't going to burst into flames. With all that petrol/gas in the tank I was convinced there was going to be an epic explosion.

Wpw! Someone could make a lot of money filming you and putting it all on Youtube! Funnily enough last weekend we met with kevin's college friends and a girl at one of their parties leaned over a candle and her hair caught alight and she didn't even notice.

Oooh, I'm wincing for you! Hope it's okay. There isn't much you can do for a broken or bruised toe really, except of course plenty of bed rest, lots of expensive wine, chocolates till you're sick and everyone running round after you. But apart from that, do take it easy.