Finnish military jargon

This is the stuff every Finnish soldier is supposed to know about. This is the stuff they don't tell you about, but you'll have to learn the hard way. Additions and corrections are welcome. A word of warning though: using these terms when talking to women is NOT ADVISED!!! They do not care.

AUK
Short for "AliUpseeriKoulu". If you want to become a corporal, this is where you need to go. You'll also get to serve 12 months instead of the usual 6 or 9.

Avautua
To state your opposing opinion on a given command.

Böhe
The second home of the brave warrior. The traditional Finnish forest.

Esa-pekka
Nickname for "Esitutkinta/poistumiskielto". Means the investigation and resulting sanctions after the situation has gone SNAFU.

EVVK
Short for "Ei vois vähempää kiinnostaa", meaning "Couldn't care less". Comes in handy when you're 2 hours away from shore-leave, and some sargeant with nothing better to do decides that the toilets need some cleaning.

Gines
Your worst nightmare: Having to spend the weekend in service instead of getting wasted with your buddies. If shit really hits the fan, this might mutate into tuplagines, which means you'll spend the next weekend sober and pissed as well.

Gona
The fellow who is next in line to be discharged. Subject to great envy.

Gonahtaa
A verb attributed to a Gona who behaves in a very unsoldierly manner.

Härvätä
To do something you shouldn't.

Ilopilleri
Another name for Tellu. Means "A pill of joy". To be used when you are carrying four of them, totalling 40kg.

Jarru
A drug they put in the food you eat to drain the healthy sexual desires of a young man.

Jumppakuutio
A block of metal used to relay telephone calls in the field. By the looks of it, it was designed in the 1950s.

Jäkittää
To sit straight, and not to move one inch. The worst crime to do while one is doing this is to laugh. The corporals usually keep you from doing so by shouting encouraging slogans, like "You do not laugh even if an elephants pussy is flying in front of your eyes!".

Kaksysi
The '29' A field kitchen originally manufactured in 1929. Still being used today. One of the most horrible examples of engineering possible.

Kelaperse
The unfortunate individual tasked to lay several kilometers of copper wire between communications posts. Usually the selected route takes you through several roads and rivers, and somehow you're supposed to hang the wire about 3 meters above them.

Kessi
66 KES 88. A one-shot bazooka.

Kölli
A day of shore-leave you get for being Särmä.

Kärhämä
Nickname for "Kranaatinheitinkomppania". They fiddle around with mortars.

Kösseli
Officially "Keskussanomalaite". Used to relay messages sent from Sanlas to other Sanlas. Weighs more than I care to remember.

Lonnia
To slack. To be passive. To be happy.

Lusmu
A person who spends a great deal of effort trying to avoid any real work.

Läjä
A person with and unfortunate amount of mornings to go until freedom is achieved.

Lämäri
Nickname for "lääkintämies", the medic.

Mortti
The lowest rank. Every soldier is a mortti for the first 7-8 weeks of service.

Motivaatiovemppa
A person who claims to be sick in order to avoid service.

--Uncle Gordian's special bonus tip!--
The quickest way of weaseling out of service is to get a fever. I hear this can be accomplished by sticking a Menthol candy beneath you tongue just before they take your temperature. It's supposed to raise the temperature locally just enough to do the trick. Naturally I never tried it so I don't know if it actually works, but several people claim it does.

Mä lähden himaan!!!
Literally means "I'm going home". Also a song by Klamydia, which becomes very popular when your TJ-count reaches single digits. The phrase is to be shouted at the highest volume humanly possible, to those who are not going home, In order to cause extreme pissed-offness

Nasse
A standard issue gas mask. Makes you look like one of the guys from Slipknot.

NKV
Short for "Nosto/Kantovapautus". Means you don't have to carry anything that weighs more than 3.5kg.

Noheva
A description for someone who does something right, but isn't quite Särmä

Nurmipora
Nickname for yer average rifleman. Comes from the fact that they spend a lot of their time hugging the ground.

Nysvätä pippeliä
Literally "To fiddle with your weenie". When something needs to be done, and you're not doing it, what are you doing? You're doing this.

Näppäillä
Something you shouldn't do while standing to attention. Involves anything from picking your nose to laughing.

Nöde
Basically Spam with negligible amounts of actual meat, and lots of fat.

Proto
Also known as the Sisu A24. A horrible truck with no percievable suspension or working steering for that matter. To be avoided at all costs. It is theorized that the name comes from the fact that the design never passed prototype-stage.Credits to vuo for corrections

Runkkupuku
The standard-issue pyjamas. The name ("Wanker suit") comes from the fact that masturbation is the activity one is presumed to partake in while wearing it.

Runkkuvelvi
Only one day of shore-leave on the weekend, instead of the usual two. The name comes from the fact that one day is insufficient for pretty much any activity other than masturbating.

RUK
Abbreviation for "Reserviupseerikoulu". This where you'll end up for being too much of a Särmä.

Rynkky
The RK-62 assault rifle. You are required to remember its serial number at all times. Mine was 913515. Her name was "Lepinkäinen".

Räkäpää
Training ammunition. With a wooden tip.

Sanla
Short for "Sanomalaite". It's a device which looks like a laptop computer with less elegance and all you can do with it is send text messages.

Siirtolohkare
The tiny grain of sand found from some dark corner of the barracks after it was so carefully cleaned. They will find it.

Sillon liikkuu!!!
"Move move move!!!" You'll hear a lot of this after a particularly unpopular order.

Sipa
Short for "Siivouspalvelu". A time of day when you clean up the barracks.

--Uncle Gordian explains it all!--
It is unavoidable that sooner or later all privates will get to clean the bathrooms. This is not a punishment and actually it's a better job one would imagine. Basically, all you have to do is spray water all over the place! And it's fun too...

Skappari
A person who likes the army so much that they've decided to make a career out of it. Unfortunately, they are your superiors.

Skeba
A nickname for sargeants, to be used when none of them are around.

Sluibailla
Another word for "Slacking around".

Sode
Short for "Sotilaskoti". A local cafe at the garrison. Every soldier's best friend.

Sotanorsu
"War Elephant". A name sometimes given to female soldiers with unusually big bones. A gentleman would never use this.

Spade
A field cook. Having served as one, I can honestly say that these guys are the most 31337 in the Finnish army.

Spolli
Military Police. From the abbreviation "SPOL", which means "Sotilaspoliisi". They are universally hated among other service branches, and it is often mentioned that the only requirement for becoming a spolli is to be an asshole.

Sysäri
A small yellow thingy attached to the RK-62 to break the wooden head of the training ammunition.

Särmä
The irritating guy who always does his duties exactly as ordered, and usually performes above expectations.

Säätää
To fiddle around with something, and not quite knowing what to do with it.

Tellu
Short for "Telamiina". A mine used to destroy tanks and other vehicles. Weighs 9kg. See also: Ilopilleri

Tetsari
A vest with all the necessary pockets for storing the stuff you're supposed to need in battle. Usually there is one clip pocket empty since the clip is attached to the Rynkky, which leaves just enough room for 3 Mars bars.

Tilkka
A beefed-up version of Veksi, located in helsinki. This is where you'll go when there's something really wrong with you.

TJ
Short for "Tänään Jäljellä", which means "Mornings to go". Every soldier is expected to know his/her TJ-count at all times.

Täpö
A full load of camping gear in your back. Weights about 40kg. Makes marching all the more fun. You don't actully need 80% of the stuff you're supposed to pack, so just take what you really need, ie. lots of Coca-Cola and candy bars.

Tornihuhu
A rumour and nothing else. At any given time about 5 of these is actively flying around the garrison, and 25 other are lurking in the background only to surface at random intervals.

Veksi
Short for "Varuskuntasairaala". A hospital at the local garrison where you'll go when you're sick or just say you are.

Venttiseiska
A nickname for the LV-217 field radio.

Vemppa
A generic term used to describe someone who has been relieved of duty because of an ailment or injury.

VMTL
Abbreviation for "Vapautus Marssi-, Taistelu- ja Liikuntakoulutuksesta". In short, you don't have to attend any physically demanding activities. On some garrisons however, this also means you have to do all the shitty jobs lying around.

Vitsimies
"Joke Man". A nickname for a person who has been trained in communication duties. Officially "Viestimies".

VUP
Abbreviation for "Vapautus UlkoPalveluksesta". Means you don't have to go outside if it's too cold or windy.

Vässy
A soldier who is trained to perform tasks which are perceived by others to be "unmanly".

"Vapautus Palveluksesta." Means that you don't have to perform any duties at all -- and are not allowed to do anything else either. You are basically restricted to your bed. Also, one of the dreaded leave-killers... if the doctor gives you VP, VUP, or VPO for the weekend, you are stuck, and some poor corporal will have to stay behind and watch you (unless you get admitted to the Veksi).

Officially ZIL-131, a 3,5 ton truck manufactured by the AMO ZIL Company of Russia. To my knowledge, only used by the Panssariprikaati (The Armored Brigade). Typically these trucks have been in storage lots for so long, their wheels have lost their round shape, resulting in some... interesting gyrations when the truck hits 100 kph -- which, by the way, is pretty close to its maximum. I have personally been on a Zilton that was doing 110 kph. It is not a moment fondly recalled.
A Zilton is reputedly powered by an engine that's almost an exact copy of a small-block V8... except that it is a mirror image. Apparently someone botched while developing spy photographs.
A Zilton will traverse almost any terrain, thanks to its tires having adjustable pressure. You can, for example, almost totally empty them, and -- so the tornihuhu goes -- drive it straight through a swamp.
If, for some reason, you get to sleep in a Zilton (e.g. by being extremely sneaky), you can refer to it as "staying at the Hotel Zilton."