White House Denies Rumors Of Zika Outbreak on Martha’s Vineyard

The White House moved quickly to squelch growing rumors of a possible Zika virus outbreak on Martha’s Vineyard Sunday evening. The rumors were sparked by the shocking appearance of the President and First Lady when they returned from their annual summer vacation on the island, with Mrs Obama’s head appearing to be over two times its normal size and the President’s head looked quite tiny and shrunken. This picture from the press pool seems to indicate that something is very wrong.

The First Couple took no questions from the press but an administration spokesperson announced that the First Lady is indeed suffering from some type of shellfish allergy causing swelling and elongation of her skull. However she is expected to recover fully. The President, the press was informed, had recently received a fresh haircut and his head only seemed to be smaller. The possibility the Obamas were exposed to the Zika virus was said to be of no concern whatsoever.

I suspect that on Kashyyyk they call it the “Nikka virus”. I’m convinced that magilla retracts her proboscis into that piece of liver above her chin. I think I remember her from the cantina in the first Star Wars. Oh, what a world… what a world!