Advice

If you're confused about how to help your friend during their parent's divorce, you're not alone. It's not an easy subject to deal with and it can be kind of awkward trying to figure out what to say. Do you talk about it, or avoid the subject? If they seem depressed, do you tell someone, or keep it secret? It can get really confusing, so I'll try and clear some of it up for you now.

How to Talk to Your Friend

From personal experience, I think it's safe to say that those of us whose parents have divorced don't always want to talk about it. So while I'd encourage you to offer to talk, and definitely ask your friend how they're doing, don't push. Even if they don't want to talk, know that your offer probably meant a lot to them. I know that I never talked about the divorce for the first two years, but I had some really great friends who offered to talk and checked in on me. Even though I wasn't ready to talk yet, it made me feel better to know that there were people who cared.

Let's say that your friend does want to talk. What do you say? The answer is, not much. The best thing that you can do is just listen. Encourage your friend to go on, and show them you're paying attention, but keep your own advice to a minimum. That's the most important thing we need; someone who's listening, and, more importantly, to know that someone else cares.

What if Something's Wrong?

If you feel like your friend is in a crisis, it's important that you know what to do to get them the help they need. If you think your friend is at risk of harming themselves (or someone else), you need to report it right away. Most of the times before someone commits suicide, they mention it to a friend first, either jokingly or seriously. This is too big for just one teen to handle, so if you're concerned, go to a trusted adult.

Believe it or not, guidance counselors are good resources for this. I know from the teen perspective, unless you're lucky enough to have an amazing guidance counselor like I did, this might not seem like a good choice, but guidance counselors go through training to deal with situations just like these. You can request anonymity, that is, you can ask the guidance counselor not to tell your friend that you reported them. When you express concern, at least in the United States, the counselor is required to follow up on the student you're worried about. Depending on how much of a danger to themselves the two of you think your friend is, they might choose to talk to them or the guidance counselor might get your friend outside help.

Other adults you can go to include pastors, teachers, and family, among others. The important thing is to report it. Another great resource is this hotline: The Boy's Town Suicide and Crisis Line (800-448-3000 or 800-448-1833). It's for kids - boys and girls - in any kind of crisis. It's completely free, so if you think your friend is in a crisis or just needs to talk to someone, give them that number.Check out the SOS page for more information on crisis numbers.

Take Care of Yourself

I realize that this is a website meant mostly for teens dealing with their parents' divorce, but I also know that you're a teenager, too, and that means that you have your own problems. So don't forget to take care of yourself, too, okay? And thanks for being such a great friend.

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Disclaimer: The advice given here may not be completely accurate, and may not apply to everyone. I am not a professional, simply someone whose parents divorced when I was a teenager, and what I write generally comes from personal experience. If you are in the need of professional advice, whether psychological or legal in nature, seek help elsewhere. If you are in a crisis, call 911 or your local emergency number right away! The author is not responsible for the content of other websites for which links have been provided.