Blog Post

Sacrificing sexual fulfillment for marital obligations is a topic many couples eventually find themselves at some point during their marriage. The husband wants sex but the wife doesn’t. The wife wants to have sex but the husband holds out. It’s a mess. When sex becomes obligatory, it loses its appeal and the partner who initiates sex may eventually feel guilty about it and may at some point resent this and risk having an affair.

Adam’s desires and Eve’s obligations

“Check your shirt collar”

Men are known to have strong libidos and can muster up the desire for sex almost every day. Unless it’s their time of the month where refusing her is World War III, women require a little work just to get her in the mood where she can relax and start thinking of sex. Husbands who hold out on sex are not unheard of. Situations like this normally suggest an underlying problem that couples can best address in therapy.

Sex is a two way street. If compulsion enters the picture, sex loses its enjoyment and one partner ends up resenting the arrangement. Herein lies the problem: Women like to be romanced but sometimes, men appreciate it if their needs are met.

Tasting the forbidden fruit

“The thrill of doing what you’re not supposed to do”

There is an allure to an illicit encounter. When couples fail to address their problems, the risk of having an affair is high. The wandering eye will always find a target and the rush of having illicit sex is never far behind.

Here’s why sex when cheating is more exciting:

It’s a novel. – Couples who fail to make quality time for each other soon enter a phase of boredom and predictability. When the opportunity to have sex with someone else crops up, every encounter is a new and exciting experience because sex is always on the cards. The spouse who has been neglected for so long will find it exciting with all the attention showered by the new lover. A man will feel good and man and a woman will feel overwhelmed. It’s the butterflies in the stomach feeling every time a kiss or touch is shared.

There are things you can do with your mistress you can’t do with the wife. – Women with conservative upbringing may refuse to engage in oral sex or certain fetishes to appease their husbands. Husbands with certain appetites may also find this limitation frustrating and may look to the mistresses to satisfy their unusual proclivities. The booming sex industry with all its toys is a testament to this reality.

The mistress makes the effort to stroke the husband’s ego. – When a couple has been married long enough, they start getting comfortable with each other. The husband farts like he owns the air, the wife goes around with no makeup in a hairnet, and this behavior will take its toll as they tend to take each other for granted. A mistress or lover will always take care of their appearance and will always say yes to sex more often. When they share the same interest with the spouse concerned, they may have more things to talk about that can leave the vulnerable spouse feeling good and enthusiastic.

It’s an outlet for frustration. – This is also a reason why men avail the services of a prostitute. When a spouse feels deprived and needy, he or she may want an outlet where it is possible to express feeling without the responsibility of a relationship. He or she may just want a sex object. After the encounter it’s a done deal and both can go their own way without being bogged down by any set of commitment that complicates life.

There is no responsibility involved. –Men find the idea of having sex with a woman amazing, who would give herself up for exciting sex. A man feels free when he is not under any pressure unlike in a relationship where standards have to be met and important roles are to be played. The wife is a partner on a different level where the focus is on love and relationship, absent of pure sexual passion. The husband is seen as a material provider and a source of security. The sex therefore is an escape from the confines of such expectations.

Caveat

“The heavy consequences”

At the beginning, illicit sex may be exciting but it will eventually fade leaving a bitter taste in the mouth. Should you decide to look for sexual pleasures outside of the marriage bed, make sure you know what you’re trading it for. A broken marriage and a costly divorce is a high price to pay for a momentary indiscretion.