Monthly Archives: January 2013

I DON’T LIKE kids. Or in a stronger word, I’d say I HATE kids. Sometimes, kid appears as a monster to me especially when they start to running around, crying and screaming.

“Oh… just take those kids from here!” that’s what I always said to myself whenever I hear a kid starts to crying out loud in the church or restaurant.

That is why I always hate if people start to ask me “When are you going to have a baby?” or when people start to say to me “Congratulation! I hope you both have a baby soon.” It would just ruin my mood in a second.

But somehow, I have a desire to have a baby lately. Wait a second! I asked myself “Really? I wanna have a baby now? Are you serious Fani?” I smiled then frowned.

DON’T WANNA GET FAT

I saw many women are getting fat as soon as they have a baby and it seems to be a nightmare for me. I just hate the idea of purchasing clothes in a bigger size, I would start getting crazy.

I just don’t want to purchase clothes in Medium or even Large size while I always purchase it in extra small, small or zero size. I just don’t wanna get fat. This is one the scariest nightmare that I don’t wanna have even in my wildest dream. I just don’t wanna happen it to myself. Why? It is because I have maintained my body and watch out my diet.

“Don’t worry! You can go to gym and get slim! Don’t you see that your friend, Sita, is a perfectly slim as a mother for 6 years old girl. She is only 43 kg. If she can stay slim as a mother, you can do it as well.” a part of me said to myself.

“What about your high heels? What about your stiletto? What about your red sole? What about your nice and sexy dresses? When you are pregnant, you won’t be able to wear them.” I said to myself while I was staring at my wardrobe and shoes collections.

Dont’ worry about it! Some of the so-called-famous people were doing fine when they got pregnant. Kim Kardashian still wears a pair of Céline point-toe shoes in Paris on her early pregnancy. Amber Rose still stays fashionable during her pregnancy. So does Beyonce Knowles-Carter. So don’t be worried to much about it!

Oh well, being pregnant does’t mean that I cannot stay fashionable and stylist. Right? Even though, I really don’t wanna get fat.

I WANNA BE AN ACTIVE PERSON

Whenever I saw a pregnant woman, it seems to me that it is very difficult for them to moving around and doing as many activities as they want especially when the baby bump gets bigger.

Later as soon as the baby is being delivered, it seems that woman must spend most of her time to take care of the baby.

“What about my work? What about the idea of taking my master degree? What about the gym? What about my social life? What about dancing in the night club? What about going shopping for hours? What about traveling?” part of me getting afraid as if getting pregnant will just stop me of doing anything.

“Just relax woman!” I said to myself.

Getting pregnant and having a baby do not mean that it will stop you from doing all the activities that you need to do. You still can work, you still go to the gym and take a class for pregnant woman and other activities that you wanna do. Even though, you might be gonna do it in a different way.

*

Few months ago, I had a conversation with my best friend, who is a father of two sons. I asked him how difficult it is to be a parent. “It takes a big responsibility. Children often changed your priority and point of view of life.” he said to me.

Oh well, I am not sure if I am ready to getting pregnant and having a baby in the near future. But sooner or later, it will happen to me and I should not be afraid of it because there are so many challenges of life that we must face it and it is just one of them.

One thing that I must remember that child is a blessing from God.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.- Psalm 127: 3-5

Since I was child, I have been introduced to jamu by my parents. Nearly every day, my grandmother always bought me a glass of kunir asem (kunyit asam) or beras kencur from Bu Tarmi, a neighbor of mine who made homemade jamu. Beras kencur is believed to help me to overcome coughing; while kunir asem is believed to cool down the body from fever.

Jamu is a traditional herbal medicine, which is made from parts of plant either from its roots, leaves, fruit and also bark; such as tamarind, turmeric, ginger, papaya leaf, curcuma and also bratawali. Some of jamu tastes sweet but some of them taste very bitter.

As I understand, there are many type of jamu which are specifically made to cure illness such as stiffness, dizziness, fever, high cholesterol, itching, diabetes and hepatitis. While there are also some of jamu are made to improve sexual pleasure either to increase men sex drive such as purwoceng and tongkat ali and also to tighten the women’s vagina such as galian rapat,rapat wangi or empot ayam.

A traditional homade jamu seller was making a glass of galian rapat, which is believed to tighten [2012: E O]

Unfortunately since I moved to Bali then to Jakarta, I could not find any good homemade jamu. Many of those jamu just tastes like a glass of mineral water with a little bit of food coloring. Or perhaps, I just have not found the proper place that sells proper homemade jamu.

Other than that, despite the fact there are many instant jamu sold in the pharmacy or supermarket, I would not buy it because it does not have the same taste as the homemade jamu. I just want a real homemade jamu. Period!

Therefore whenever I visit Yogyakarta, I often try to go to Pasar Pujokusuman to buy a homemade jamu from an old lady, who has been selling for many years [unfortunately, I have never asked what her name is] . She always is concocting the remedy as the customer order the jamu so she can make a fresh glass of jamu for the customer.

‘I would not make jamu galian rapat for unmarried woman’ said a traditional homemade jamu seller [2012: E O]

Every time I visit her stall in Pasar Pujokusuman, I always buy a glass of galian rapat, galian singset and also kunyit sirih. But oddly enough, if a female customer wants to buy a glass of galian rapat, rapat wangi or empot ayam [type of jamu which is believed to tighten the vagina], she always asks the customer whether she is married or not, instead of asking whether she is virgin or not. Weird, isn’t?

I wonder if she would ask a male customer, who wants to buy purwoceng or tongkat ali jamu [type of jamu which is believed to increase male sex drive], the same questions. *sigh*

Well I guess as I am living in a ‘religious’ country, consuming galian rapat, rapat wangi or empot ayam is considered to be sinful if you are not married because it is then letting somebody to do a free sex with a good quality vagina. But who gives a damn about it anyway?! You can always lie about your marital status just for a glass of homemade jamu. No?

So if you have never tried to drink jamu or you wanna tighten your vagina or increase the sex drive, you better try it. I can tell you that it works well to my body. Other than that, it tastes good and very cheap.

Wow! It seems to me that 2012 just started yesterday, I thought it was just a couple of weeks ago that I went to Canada, had my first white Christmas in 2011 and went up to the CN tower in Toronto during early 2012.

But no, today is the second day of 2013 already. I am just amazed that time has passed by so quickly. The time has passed away for 366 days until another new year eve celebration was celebrated again.

If I look back on everything that I have been through in 2012, I am so grateful for everything that has happened to me whether it was good or bad. I feel that I am so blessed to be able to have had all these experiences that have opened my eyes especially about relationships, friendships, career, family, lifestyle, health, happiness, struggle and also spiritual life.

There was also much laughter, tears, happiness, sadness, anger, joy, love, hatred, hope, despair, acceptance, rejection, excitement, boredom, kindness and cruelty in 2012. And once again, I am so grateful because God has given me strength to pass through all of my life situations in 2012.

Anyway, here I would like to share some of my experiences from 2012.

1. Live a Healthier Lifestyle

Exercise is a way to live a healthy lifestyle

I can proudly say that I have been able to live a healthier lifestyle in 2012 because I had been able to push myself to go to the gym more often compared to previous years. Some people often said to me “Why the phuck would you go to the gym if you already got a slim body?”

I would just smile whenever I heard that comment or question because for me going to the gym is not about getting skinnier but it is a way to live a healthy lifestyle. Since I go to the gym more often and spend at least a couple of hours to exercise, I can say that I feel healthier and don’t get sick easily.

Other than that, it helps me a lot to channel my anger, sadness and also disappointment in a positive way. Therefore, my 2013 goal is to discipline myself to go to the gym more often and make it a priority to be done first thing in the morning before I start my activity.

2. Have Faith in God

Have Faith in God

I would say that I have become more a ‘religious’ person these days than I have ever been in my entire life. Of course, it did not just happen out of the blue. It all started when I was re-introduced to Jesus Christ back in the mid 2011 by George (my very best friend) after I left my religious life for many years because of one reason or another.

I would say that having myself reunite with Christ has brought more peaceful into my life. It is because I tried to have confidence in God than in myself. I have a belief that God is faithful, He would not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able to handle. And I can confirm that it is true.

I vividly remember when I followed my ego and thought that I would be able to survive on my own two feet because I thought that I am smart and able to handle everything. Yes, I was able to handle everything very well and able to reach all my dream. But the question is ‘Was I happy with all the results? Was I satisfied with all the results?’ And the answer was ‘No! I was not well satisfied and I wanted more‘

I’m glad to be re-introduced to Christ

I would say that I became an arrogant human being and greedy. I did not live a peaceful life, I tried to escape from one problem to another problem until I reunited with Christ again back to 2011.

It was so difficult to be grateful in every life situation before. I used to be always worried that tomorrow will be a hard day. But now I have learnt how to be grateful for life’s every situation because God has given me strength especially when I am weak and in difficult situations.

‘I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses but never once for my thorn.’ George Matheson, a Scottish author and preacher.

I just feel that I don’t have to be worried about tomorrow and whatever challenge that I would face because I believe that God is with me. And I am now also trying to always thank for my thorn as well.

Therefore, my 2013 goal is to strengthen my faith in Christ and tried to understand the God’s message through Holy Spirit.

3. Being A Full Time Freelance Journalist

Being a Full Time Freelance Journalist

In early 2012, I tried administrative job. Despite the fact it paid me well, I found this job was just not for me. Fortunately, mbak Ade, my former colleague from the Jakarta Globe, informed me that there was an opportunity to be a freelance writer for an online media outlet, based in the United State of America. But it focuses on story from South East Asia including Indonesia.

During 2012, I tended to cover stories on terrorism and religious violence in Indonesia. I would say that I am lucky to work with them because it enables me to meet and talk with many interesting people such as Ansyaad Mbai, the head of National Counter Terrorism Agency (BNPT); Noor Huda Ismail, an Indonesian terrorism expert; Machmudi Hariono, a former terrorist who is now running a culinary business and Agus Santoso, deputy chairman of Financial Transaction Report and Analysts Center (PPATK).

Other than that, I was also lucky to to coveron Umar Patek’s trial, a convicted terrorist who was involved in the 2002 terror attack in Bali that killed more than 200 people; I was also invited to number of public discussion on terrorism and also religious violence.

I would say that being a freelancer is not all good news because I do not get a fixed monthly income. But I am not going to be worried about it because it is all back to myself. If I want to earn more, I just need to work harder.

Therefore, my 2013 goal is to discipline myself where I must focus whenever I am working on a story so I can finish it on time and submit it on-time.

It is actually not difficult to write one story a day because I used to write two or three stories per day while I was working as a general news reporter for an English language newspaper in Indonesia.

4. Being A Sudden Fashionista or Shopaholic

One of my red sole collection, a pair of Dugueclina 100 Nappa

I have to admit that I become a crazy and uncontrollable shopaholic in 2012. I did not know why I suddenly become obsess with luxury fashion products, which I used to hate. Perhaps it is because I watched too much Sex and The City ; )

Last month when I visited Yogya, Ucha and Adit, a couple of my best friends who love fashion and who reminded me how I used to hate all those shit when I was still a university student in Yogya. I did not care what was the brand of my bag, my shoes, my jeans or even my underwear as long as I feel comfortable wearing it. We had a laugh about it. But as 50 Cent said things change, they don’t stay the same.

Now, it is all just about Christian Louboutin, Dolce & Gabbana, Bottega Veneta, Tods, Jean Paul Gaultier, Armani, Loewe, Burberry, Versace, Prada, Gucci, Giuseppe Zanotti, Dior, Marc Jacob, DKNY, bebe, Massimo Dutti, L.A.M.B and many more. On the top of that, I don’t purchase for the fake one but the original ones. as T.I said ‘I’m allergic to counterfeit‘

Shopping for label, shopping for love….

And ….. the worst part of my new obsession is that I have been buying the latest collection, which is not smart at all! I have learnt that I must be a little more patient to get a better deal. If I just wait for three or four months since the latest collection has been released, I would get better deal with large discount.

I don’t know why but sometimes whenever I walk past boutiques, the mannequins are just waving at me …… and the problem is that I love pretty things …. It sucks right? [I know… I am defending myself, which is not good].

Therefore, I hope I would be able to control my desire to buy luxury goods because I have more than what I needs. I must start to bank again….