Apology ideas submitted to Obama's Speechwriter

Recently, President Obama solicited “demonstrably good ideas” on how to improve the economy. In the spirit of offering good ideas in general, and assuming that you, David Axelrod and Rahm Emanuel are instrumental in proposing opportunities for the President to apologize for America as he travels abroad, I herein offer several demonstrably good ideas for additional Presidential apologies. Perhaps you’ll pass them on to David and Rahm.

If used, you need not credit me with any of these, Jon. If fact, I prefer you not credit me, since some come recommended by persons who will remain anonymous. Here’s a short list.

Presidential apologies are in order…

• …To the Barbary Pirates (BP) for being intimidated by U.S. Navy Commodore John Rodgers who, during the First Barbary War, threatened to remove Tripoli’s pasha from his throne and replace him with his brother if the BP’s continued to attack U.S. ship and demand tribute. It was an unjustified and hegemonistic intrusion into the affairs of a sovereign Muslim nation. • …To the people of the former West Germany for our having participated in the imputation of a political system on that portion of Germany at the end of World War II. In doing so, we usurped their legally elected government led by the National Socialist German Workers' Party.• …To the Russian government for taking advantage of their need for money and low-balling the purchase price we paid for Alaska.• …To the French government for our taking advantage of their need for money and low-balling the purchase price we paid for the Louisiana Purchase.• …To the North Korean government for our having meddled into the affairs of the Korean peninsula by coming to the aid of South Koreans when attacked by freedom fighters from the North. • …To the world community for our having been environmentally insensitive during our visits to the moon where we space trash without thought to those who will follow us there and clean-up. • …To the Empire of Japan for our provoking them into an attack on Pearl Harbor that eventually led to two events that the President would certainly like to apologize for, but just can’t bring himself to mention yet – the dropping of A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Jon, this is only a short list. I can easily expand it to, say, 100 more, including apologizes to Mexico for the War of 1846, to native Americans who were tricked into selling Manhattan Island for what a medium-priced lunch in a three star restaurant costs there today, to Somalia for recently murdering three of their pirates in cold blood without a trial…and many more. But the list above should be sufficient for a few weeks.

Keep up the fine speechwriting, Jon. America has much for which it needs to apologize.

Recently, President Obama solicited “demonstrably good ideas” on how to improve the economy. In the spirit of offering good ideas in general, and assuming that you, David Axelrod and Rahm Emanuel are instrumental in proposing opportunities for the President to apologize for America as he travels abroad, I herein offer several demonstrably good ideas for additional Presidential apologies. Perhaps you’ll pass them on to David and Rahm.

If used, you need not credit me with any of these, Jon. If fact, I prefer you not credit me, since some come recommended by persons who will remain anonymous. Here’s a short list.

Presidential apologies are in order…

• …To the Barbary Pirates (BP) for being intimidated by U.S. Navy Commodore John Rodgers who, during the First Barbary War, threatened to remove Tripoli’s pasha from his throne and replace him with his brother if the BP’s continued to attack U.S. ship and demand tribute. It was an unjustified and hegemonistic intrusion into the affairs of a sovereign Muslim nation. • …To the people of the former West Germany for our having participated in the imputation of a political system on that portion of Germany at the end of World War II. In doing so, we usurped their legally elected government led by the National Socialist German Workers' Party.• …To the Russian government for taking advantage of their need for money and low-balling the purchase price we paid for Alaska.• …To the French government for our taking advantage of their need for money and low-balling the purchase price we paid for the Louisiana Purchase.• …To the North Korean government for our having meddled into the affairs of the Korean peninsula by coming to the aid of South Koreans when attacked by freedom fighters from the North. • …To the world community for our having been environmentally insensitive during our visits to the moon where we space trash without thought to those who will follow us there and clean-up. • …To the Empire of Japan for our provoking them into an attack on Pearl Harbor that eventually led to two events that the President would certainly like to apologize for, but just can’t bring himself to mention yet – the dropping of A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Jon, this is only a short list. I can easily expand it to, say, 100 more, including apologizes to Mexico for the War of 1846, to native Americans who were tricked into selling Manhattan Island for what a medium-priced lunch in a three star restaurant costs there today, to Somalia for recently murdering three of their pirates in cold blood without a trial…and many more. But the list above should be sufficient for a few weeks.

Keep up the fine speechwriting, Jon. America has much for which it needs to apologize.