By the time you read this, I will be sitting on a beach in sunny Florida, enjoying the day with my family!

This year we have a special treat — Lance, Missy, Shauna, Mark and I will be spending the holidays with my mom and dad and brother Matt and his family. I feel especially blessed since the last time we were all together was after Mark’s dad passed four years ago. It was early December and though it was a tough time for the family, it was still good to be together.

I’ve been in a reflective mood this holiday season. I’ve been looking back, not only at the past year, but at my adult life in general and have asked myself the tough questions: Have I been a good daughter, sister, mother and wife? Is my career what I thought it would be or should be? Have I impacted people in a way that is positive and life giving? Am I a good friend?

I have heard people say that in the early 50s this kind of self-examination is unavoidable. You realize the clock of your life is ticking, and it’s your second chance. I for one, don’t want to waste it. I think the other reason for the soul searching is that the holidays have this higher level of expectation for us. We watch movies of families gathered in perfect Christmas settings and though they may have some struggles, it always works out and everyone is joyful at the end. Unfortunately, life is not like a Hallmark movie!

Families will get together and feelings will be hurt, kids will be happy while opening gifts and be whining later on, or you could be alone because of loss or estrangement. The dream of Christmas is sometimes better than the reality of it.

So how do we handle it when disappointments come? Manage your expectations. Here is the reality of my perfect Christmas. Five adults will be stuck in a car together for 22 1/2 hours. We will have to negotiate every restaurant meal, what hotel we stay at and every activity that we do. I know going into this there will be times of frustration and exasperation. Since I know that ahead of time, I can manage my expectations and get a plan for when it happens. Take a break, count to 10 before I speak, and just breathe.

Here is the other thing that I know — there will be times of pure joy. My children will be with their grandparents and extended family talking about the grand baby on the way, telling stories about their lives and just laughing because we’re together. Those moments will make the entire trip worth it. I won’t avoid the whole experience because it may have times of difficulty. This holiday season is like life — it will have its ups and downs, good and bad, and I will choose how I feel and respond, and I hope, for the most part, I choose well.

James Bryant Conant said, “Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.”

I’m looking at my next 40 or 50 years like I am the next 10 days of vacation. I’m going to stick my neck out and embrace it.

As you finish out this holiday season, I wish you peace in your heart and joy for the journey. Be blessed and have a very Merry Christmas!

Denise McKinnon has been an educator, pastor’s wife and most recently a social worker. She has been married to Mark for 29 years and has two adult children, Shauna, 28, and Lance, 25. Contact her at fourmck@sbcglobal.net.

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