Our No-Privacy Policy

We understand and respect clients' wishes for privacy but we are committed to the distribution of personal information to the extent that is profitable and permitted under U.S. law. Our full-disclosure no-privacy policy is stated below.

We Collect More Information on You Than the NSA

The information that we collect and share includes your phone number, email address, social security number, employment history, assets, debit and credit card transactions—including each vendor and amount, your payment histories, all other information about you that we might have acquired by any means, and our composite GUL index that indicates your gullibility to our marketing hype.

Even if you should stop being a customer, we will continue to share your information until we are unable to wring further profit from it.

Your Right to Limit Our Use of Your Information Is Limited

The law
allows you to limit the sharing of your personal information for just the
latter two above-stated uses. If you should be inclined to do so, call
001-100-1111 and be prepared to wait on hold.

We Will Soon Sell Your Information on Amazillion

After years of selling clients' personal information to every Tom, Dick, and Harry corporation, we realized that we could make additional profits by selling it directly to the public. So if you want to know the finances of your spouse, parents, adult kids, workplace colleagues, or neighbors, you will soon be able to buy the intimate details—including every credit and debit card transaction—for just $19.84 per person, all conveniently downloaded from Amazillion. Another first from NakedTruthBANK.com.

We Also Sometimes Give Away Your Information

That happens each time we are hacked by the North Korean government, Chinese operatives, the NSA, or your preadolescent nephew.

Note: If you think we are fabricating this, read the so-called “Privacy Notices” from your banks and consider what they really mean.