Sooooo…

I gotta say being pregnant is one of the strangest things I’ve ever been through. Probably the oddest thing is watching my stomach move on its own, sometimes quite energetically.

Less keen on the having to pee all the time, including multiple times at night. Preggie brain might not be real but the interrupted sleep and insomnia certainly is and that’s not good for optimal brain activity. Also not so keen on the indigestion either. It started about a week after the morning sickness stopped so I didn’t really get a break at all from feeling crappy.

Everything is getting that little bit harder. It’s harder to get out of bed, it’s hard to roll over in bed. It’s getting harder to get off the couch. I feel slow, heavy and awkward (even though I still weigh less than I did when I got really fat). My centre of gravity is wacky and I haven’t even bothered to try to get on my step-thru in two weeks now. I bump my bump into things all the time because I’m still not used to it.

To be honest, I’m kinda over it. I’m tired so much of the time. My feet hurt from the extra weight. I had terrible pain in my knees for a few weeks because my gait changed (but a round of acupuncture helped with that). I miss being able to ride my bike(s). I miss being able to move freely. I miss being able to get up a flight of stairs without being out of breath. I miss my fitness, I miss having a body of my own because right now I’m not an “I”, I’m a “we”. There’s two of us in here and she’s pretty much in charge.

I feel like I’ve lost a lot of autonomy. My whole world at the moment is about her, trying to make sure she’s healthy and growing. So, of course, I wonder who I am. Am I me any more? Who will I be once she’s out in the world? I know I won’t be the same as I was but I don’t know who I’ll become either. It’s like being in stasis. I’m waiting to see what happens next.

One Thought on “Sooooo…”

Your life from now on (and for the next couple of years) will rotate almost entirely around your child. That’s a great thing; babies both need you and love you unconditionally. What is ultimately unimportant in your life will fall away (including lots of friends) but if you make time for yourself and your friends and loved ones you’ll still be “you”.