I’d like my ex to realize what he’s lost (not to get him back): tips?

One of my ex’s friends is staying at my place for a week and I’d like him to report to my ex that what he threw away was actually great. The guy always takes a lot of pictures so that’s going to be something as well. (My ex and I are not in contact or have each other on silocial media anymore).

A few years ago I moved from the small town where we lived to a big city. My than boyfriend wanted to move to the City as well but he never put effort in finding a job there. Time a few months, he dumped me because he didn’t want a ldr. It made me suffer a lot, I loved him deeply and the way he threw everything away as if he didn’t care was excruciating.

Inevitably it made me feel ugly and “not enough”. As a response, I improved myself a lot. I used to work out and was fit, but I got myself a personal trainer and worked out more and now I’m very very fit. I started going to a great hairdresser. I re-started dressing well, something I had stopped doing while with him because he seemed not to care. I became active in areas I was interested in, got hobbies, travelled a lot, and was very successful career wise.

I’m not interested in having him back. But I’d like him to realize that the girl and the life he threw away were actually great, just out of personal pride. His life right now sucks a bit. He’s paying for having been lazy career wise and also the girl he’s dating is not the type of girl you would expect a guy who wanks to Emily Ratajowski and the pictures on an Instagram page called “fitness models” would find attractive.

Most Helpful Guy

I wonder if you think he feels any pride in how he handled things? I'm sure he regrets a lot and probably things your doing great and he is a loser. I didn't break up because he thought you weren't worth it. He broke off because he didn't think he was worth it and a loser. So rubbing salt in his wounds is not necessary and a complete waist of your energy. Only your ego thinks its worth the effort. You did it you went out and got where you wanted to be. Low self-esteem doesn't suit you and thinking you have to prove anything doesn't either. You assumed his thoughts about you the wrong way.

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Asker

He dumped me because he was too lazy to either make an effort and find a job where he wanted or invest in a slightly more challenging relationship sen the distance. Not because he thought he was a loser. He doesn’t he has a very high self esteem.

That's what he portrays yes. He will fight anyone that says he's a loser for being to lazy. Because deep down he feels he is. What you show to the outside is not always what you feel on the inside. Look at it this way. If he has such high self esteem apparently what has he achieved? He couldn't even go out and find a job in the big city due to lack of effort. All I'm saying is don't waist your energy look at what you did without his help or support by yourself. Is he really worth the trouble. You've proven yourself. That's the best revenge. Showing you are over him by not caring one whit how he feels. If you start trying to prove things you show you still care what he thinks.

Most Helpful Girl

Anonymous

What a waste of time and energy. To feel the need to show someone who doesn’t matter, who isn’t in your life and who in all honesty doesn’t even care about you that your life is so good pretty much indicates the opposite. If your life was so good you’d be out living it and creating bonds with people that are better matched but instead you’re focusing on how to show him what he doesn’t have which is an overly sensitive girl hung up on a break up that happened a few years ago. He’s not missing out here

What Guys Said 8

I don't know why young people are obsessed with things like this. This is a total waste of your energy and it's bound to backfire. You say that his life "sucks", but here you are obsessing over him where it's very possible that he hardly remembers what your perfume smelled like. I'm glad you've taken the time to improve yourself, but I think you should stick with that path instead of the one you're proposing.

It's very passive aggressive to want to or do what you are doing/going to do. It does sound like you still care for him, but realize you were replaced for something lesser in your eyes. I know that can drive someone mad, but maybe in his eyes he knew he wasn't good enough for you and would only hold you back.

What Girls Said 1

It only shows that you haven't moved on from him. Not everyone is suited for ldr so maybe he made the right decision. It's better to make that decision than make you suffer as his girlfriend with him not being able to make you happy in an ldr. So its not you, it's him. Yes you've improved but the girl he's dating proves that that wasn't the issue. It was truly the ldr. So just let it go, stop thinking what he should think and what he should have done. Just be happy, u achieved a lot of things, now achieve being happy and letting go

No it just happens that his friend is staying over and there never was another occasion before. Of course I’m still hurt, I thought I was going to marry that guy. He didn’t treat me well he didn’t behave well during the break up, I’d just like him to know that we would have been happy together.

I know. I already read it above. But... again. Instead of thinking about this. U should work on moving on And just finding a person who would treat u well. It's only you who's gonna be hurt. No one else. That guy is happy with someone else now. And can be with someone else in the future. Just let him go.