Imagine trying to explain 2016 to 2006

2016: hey 20062016: check this out2006: What am I looking at? I don’t know what any of those words mean.2016: right, breitbart doesnt exist yet2006: He’s one of those Washington Times guys, right?2016: he was2016: then he launched his own news network2016: wanted to make it the “huffington post of the right”2006: A print edition of Fox News for the old conservative types, or…?2016: lmao2016: no2016: its p popular with the internet kids2006: What?2016: hoooooo boy2016: well2016: gamergate happened2006: Gamergate?2016: some girl from somethingawful made a text adventure game2006: The Photoshop forum?2016: yeah that one2016: the regs all converted to communism2006: What.2006: You’re kidding.2016: nope2016: they went communist2016: and some of them got jobs with like gawker and buzzfeed2006: …Gawker and Buzzfeed? I’ve never heard of Buzzfeed. Is it another gossip rag?2016: no neither of them are now2016: gawker was a huge commie outlet for a while2016: then hulk hogan sued them2016: and theyre pivoting hard2006: OK dude you’re trolling.2006: Hulk Hogan sued Gawker?2016: yeah they published his sex tape2006: Um.2006: Ew.2016: lol2016: anyway everyone hates gawker now2016: but theyre trying to get into the conservative circuit2016: had a big story a few days ago about facebook censoring conservative news from its trending feed2006: Its trending feed?2016: loads of people get their news from facebook now2016: or from comedy shows2006: Oh god.2016: anyway2016: buzzfeed does Serious Journalism sometimes2016: but mostly it fishes for clicks on facebook and twitter2006: …Twitter? The group SMS site?2016: lmaoooo2016: twitter is huge now2016: people get fired over twitter fights2006: Um, can we fork the timeline now?2016: nope2016: welcome to the future2016: its coming for you2016: anyway2016: buzzfeed2016: founded by jonah peretti2016: academic radical2016: wrote an article about deleuze and advertising in late capitalism2016: here2016: “My central contention is that late capitalism not only accelerates the flow of capital, but also accelerates the rate at which subjects assume identities. Identity formation is inextricably linked to the urge to consume, and therefore the acceleration of capitalism necessitates an increase in the rate at which individuals assume and shed identities. The internet is one of many late capitalist phenomena that allow for more flexible, rapid, and profitable mechanisms of identity formation.”2016: “In many respects the media culture of the late twentieth century simulates schizoid experience. The rapid fire succession of signifiers in MTV style media erodes the viewers sense of temporal continuity. To use the same words that Jameson uses to describe schizophrenic experiences, the images that flash across the MTV viewers’ retina are “isolated, disconnected, discontinuous material signifiers which fail to link up into a coherent sequence.””2016: “In order for an advertisement in GQ to be successful, it must provoke an ego formation that makes the product integral to the viewer’s identity. This fragile ego formation must persist long enough for the GQreader to purchase the product.”2016: he decided to do that2016: as a career2006: …2016: now2016: gamergate2016: girl from somethingawful makes a text adventure2016: about depression2016: cheats on her boyfriend with some video game journalists or something2016: honestly i didnt pay much attention to that2016: its what everyone got mad about but its not relevant2016: what happened was2016: she hella manipulated him2016: threatened to kill herself whenever he started to suspect shed done anything wrong2016: tried to cut him off from his friends2016: idk if yall have the term “emotional abuse” yet2016: but she did some Bad Shit2016: and the way people deal with people doing Bad Shit these days is2016: they write a callout post2016: detailing in public all the Bad Shit whoever it is has done2006: No.2006: Nononono that is not how to–2016: it is now2016: welcome to hell!!!! (^:2006: I mean.2006: How are people ever supposed to improve or redeem themselves?2006: Wouldn’t that just lead to a huge mob of people getting mad at… well, probably everyone involved? And trying to get people fired or whatever it is you people do in the future? And what happens if one person has more social power than another?2016: p much2016: it blew up2016: guy posted it on somethingawful2016: as one does2016: it got deleted2016: so he went public2016: threw it on wordpress2016: and it blew up2016: into a Cultural Event2016: a lot of people were already mad at the journalists2016: like i said, they went commie2016: journalists closed ranks2016: breitbart jumped in on the other side2016: as they would, being a hard right mag2016: so theyre popular now2016: especially the guy who wrote that article2016: milo yiagjfkafaslg2006: Yiannopoulos?2016: yeah2016: hes b a celebrity now2016: he jumped on the gamergate thing hard2016: and endorsed trump2006: Um.2006: Trump?2016: donald trump2006: The wrestling guy? Are people interested in pro wrestling now?2016: well sort of2016: but2016: hes running for president2006: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA2006: No.2006: This is a joke. You’re joking.2016: donald trump2016: is running for president2016: hes the ~scary far right~ candidate2006: Sorry, no.2006: That can’t be happening.2006: First of all, Donald Trump is running for president?2016: 1955 said the same thing about reagan dude2006: Second, Donald Trump, far-right?2006: How badly did he lose?2016: well we havent had the general yet2016: but2016: he won the primary2006: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA2016: yep2016: but that article2016: you know wendy carlos right2006: I do.2016: yeah that2016: the supreme court had their gay marriage decision2006: Seriously? Gay marriage will be banned in ten years?2016: no it won2006: What.2016: anyway2016: wendy carlos2016: or uh2016: dude who went to norway in the ’50s and came back a chick2016: gay marriage won, they needed a new cause to get all het up about2016: its that2006: What happened to abolishing gender roles? Queering it and so on? That’s what all the radicals are about these days…2016: thats completely dead lol2016: btw bruce jenner is caitlyn now2006: …2016: so the background there is2016: the transgender rights thing is ofc coded far left2016: but2016: lot of people in a group2016: lot of different politics2016: like the log cabin republicans2016: or yiannopoulos, hes gay2006: The hard right guy?2016: one and the same2006: ……..2016: so there was a bathroom bill2016: in north carolina2016: state government institutions cant have mixed-sex bathrooms, locker rooms, etc.2016: and have to mandate that people use the one corresponding to what’s on their birth certificate2016: this of course is a Big Thing2016: and donald trump2006: Came out strongly in favor of it, since you said he’s the scary far-right candidate, but some, uh…2016: “trans people” is what youre supposed to say i think2016: not actually sure2016: there was a fight on tumblr a while back about whether there should be an asterisk after “trans”2006: Tumblr?2016: livejournal2006: –support his economic platform?2016: no actually2016: he opposed it2006: What?2006: This doesn’t make any sense. The crazy ultra-right-wing candidate…2006: …Donald Trump…2006: …who won the primary…2006: Stop the future, I want to get off.2016: 😉2006: Get out.2016: u mean2016: go to church lol2006: Ew. No.2016: mm yep2016: traditionalist catholicism is cool now2016: kinda2016: the commies and the nrx people think its cool2016: and some of the rationalists or w/e2006: Nrx? Rationalists?2016: lmao2016: dont ask

@gregory wood
it’s basically in the water at this point
and you have to do it or people will think you’re earnest and therefore unconsidered/retarded
oh also copypasta is dead aside from, like, catchphrases