Experience:50mg - Demon faces and déjà vu

This experience was an attempt to force myself to enjoy DMT, because at this point in my practice with DMT, my experiences had started to grow increasingly ominous and dark.

I had some friends in the room with me and, while generally I try to do this alone, I wanted some people to be around with me so I felt more confident about my safety. IN return they could each have their own experiences.

Experience

T + Minutes:Seconds

T + 00:00 - I loaded up a dose, and began to inhale. I tried to take the entire hit in one puff. Im starting to think stretching it out is the way to go…

T + 00:05 - I have kept a smile on my face and happy thoughts in my head, but instead of enhanced colors and wavy lines, All the color drained out of the room, and everything went black and grey and white. Everything in my room started to become indescribable in shape, and jagged and constant in geometry. As the world started to get stranger, I remember my tower shaped fan stretching up to, and absorbing into the ceiling. It still remained attached to the ground, and it took on an odd texture. It started moving about the room as if attached to a rail attached to the ceiling. I was finally consumed by the grey geometry and everything went black...

T + 00:40 - I "awoke" in my own mind. I was staring at an incredibly angry face that seemed exactly like a Chinese demon, or Chinese dragon face. Exaggerated eyebrows, long outwardly curved fangs, and cartoonish eyes and facial hair. Very traditional in Chinese style. I could only see this face and a background of a texture that seemed shaped and to flow like fire, but moved in a more predictable and solid way.

T + 00:45 - He is shaking me around. I feel no connection to my body or limbs, but I can feel him shaking my "soul" back and forth very violently. He suddenly throws me to another face, similar in style and design, but different. I can feel my "soul" being shaken, he throws me again, to yet another face. I can feel myself bouncing around as if I am the ball a pinball machine. I felt shaped like a ball too… or just a face anyway... Every throw increases in speed and intensity. I spend less and less time with each face as I speed up, but it seemed to last for years, even still. It was such a shocking experience, I blacked out eventually.

T + 05:00 - I woke up in my room, alone. The color was back, but everyone was gone.. I felt incredibly disappointed and morose. As I got up to get off of my bed to turn off the lights to go to sleep, my door opened and a man who's face i cannot remember if I recognized pointed a gun at me and shot me in the head. I felt the bullet puncture through the right side of the top of my head and push through my brain, stopping in the middle somewhere, and I blacked out pretty immediately. At least it didn't hurt.

T + 06:00 - I woke up in my room, again, alone. I was pretty freaked out by what had just happened and I was just happy it was over, and focused less on the idea that people weren't around. Before I got a chance to get up off of my bed, my door opened and the man pulled a gun and shot me again. This time on the left side of my head. I felt in go in similarly, but at a different angel. Still with no pain, just sensation. I, again, fell out of consciousness.

T + 07:00 - I woke up in my room. My friends were all there, but I was wary about the legitimacy of the reality I was in and just sort of stared at everyone awkwardly for a while, keeping my bedroom door in the corner of my eye. The world was still grey and geometric. Unmoving and jagged.. The color started to seep into the room and textures took on a more friendly and realistic form. The borders and outlines of objects became softer and more realistic as well. I abandoned the idea that I was still neck deep in experience, and started to relax.

T + 10:00 - I attempted to explain to my friends what I had gone through but it was difficult because DMT will often make it difficult to express my thoughts outwardly while I am still under its spell.

If there was a lesson to be learned, I think it was that one can only really protect themselves. In the end you cannot rely on anyone to hold you up, indefinitely. Another idea would be that no matter how hard I try to control or force a good experience, it does not seem possible. This is unique in my experiences with psychedelics. Usually I can force myself into a good state of mind and thusly trip. DMT seems to be more powerful than my will, at least, until after the peak. It seems one must really just relax, and let whatever is going to happen, happen, with no resistance at all. It's very interesting…

Effects analysis

Effects present:

Colour replacement - "All the color drained out of the room, and everything went black and grey and white."

Transformations - "Everything in my room started to become indescribable in shape" "I remember my tower shaped fan stretching up to, and absorbing into the ceiling. It still remained attached to the ground, and it took on an odd texture. It started moving about the room as if attached to a rail attached to the ceiling."

Internal hallucination - "I was staring at an incredibly angry face that seemed exactly like a Chinese demon, or Chinese dragon face." "He is shaking me around. I feel no connection to my body or limbs, but I can feel him shaking my "soul" back and forth very violently. He suddenly throws me to another face, similar in style and design, but different."