As a teenager I remember watching an archive documentary about the 1958 Notting Hill riots. I saw a white, middle-class man look down the lens and talk, with calm conviction, about how immigrants were fine as long as they left the UK quickly. But the look on his face changed as he spoke about the races mixing; it became one of genuine fear. He didn't want the UK to become a "mulatto nation".

Now, 53 years on, his worst nightmare is coming true. New research has shown that there could be around twice as many mixed race people in the UK than previously thought. The mixed-race mafia is everywhere. TV personalities, politicians, sportsmen and women, and beyond; it seems there isn't any area of UK life that mixed-race people haven't influenced.

We're performing well in school and are overrepresented in a number of professions. It's enough to start a Bilderberg-style conspiracy theory; is Shirley Bassey in a room somewhere with Moira Stuart, Jeremy Guscott and Leona Lewis, influencing world events? Who knows, but as the number of mixed-race people increases so does the need for more discussions such as the one brought about by the BBC's Mixed Britannia documentary series.

One reason why the latest figures on mixed-race Britons are higher than previous estimates, the series suggested, was simply that we didn't use to define ourselves as such. Even today, thousands of people with parents of different races wouldn't describe themselves as mixed race when asked. Perhaps it isn't so great to be mixed race after all?

The most important phrase that features in the BBC's research is "self definition". The mixed-race experience is so varied and complex that it shouldn't be a surprise. Mixed-race people's parents, background and self-affiliation influence them in a profound way but they are rarely given a chance to discuss those factors.

Instead, academics and commentators talk about life for mixed-race people and the unique challenges they face without any way of experiencing it for themselves. When mixed-race people are given a platform to talk about their lives the results are often insightful, varied and show just how different the mixed-race experience can be.

Growing up with a father from Nigeria and a mother from Leeds I would find myself being asked questions like "are you going to marry a Nigerian woman or a white woman?". I'd usually shrug and mumble out some form of answer, but the idea that mixed-race people have to choose a camp is still common. I understand why mixed-race people identify as black or Asian rather than mixed. It was something I did myself at times when I was growing up: after episodes of racial abuse, I found defining myself as black more comfortable. Those were the times I felt the least English and the most different.

Bradley Lincoln, the founder of Mix-d – an organisation that focuses on events for mixed-race people and offers guidance to parents and other groups that are helping to raise the next generation – has highlighted the importance of not politicising the mixed-race experience. I agree with him: politicising a deeply personal affair hinders the healthy discussions that are being had by young mixed-race people in the UK and also stops others explaining why some don't define themselves that way.

• This article was commissioned following a suggestion by Routemaster. If there's a subject you'd like to see covered on Comment is free, please visit our You tell us page