The Jewish holiday of Passover is nearly upon us — a time for reflection of our historical journey from slavery to freedom as well as of our perpetual journeys towards free will and free choice for ourselves and other inhabitants of our world. The traditional Passover Seder, a symposium which retells the story of the Exodus from Egypt, begins with the recitation of the Four Questions by the youngest at the table — whereupon s/he asks variations of “Why is this night diffierent from all others?” The four questions traditionally used by modern Jewish communities around the world are:

On all other nights we eat leavened and unleavened bread; why on this night do we only eat unleavened bread?

On all other nights we eat all different types of vegetables; why on this night do we only eat bitter herbs?

On all other nights we don’t ceremoniously dip our food even once; why on this night do we dip it twice?

Why is Shiny such an immature little douchewad?

Not surprisingly, I’d like to address the last question: We were slaves long ago — and I have been a slave as well — to moral values of my puritan society which dictates that I remain classy and clever and not giggle when someone utters the word “scrotum.” But what is Passover — if not for the ability to run free and claim one’s own choice to be himself? What better time is there to release my inner eight year-old?

Which is why I present:

Top 9 Jewish Terms Which Sound a Whole Lot More Risque Until You Find Out What They Really Mean

Most of these are specifically Passover terms, but there are a few of them which relate to other Jewish holidays and other aspects of Judaism altogether. This list becomes extremely boring if you click on any of the links below. Consider this your warning…