Monday, December 31, 2007

Relationships...yes...those things

I am so desperate to keep doing this in order to stay away and amuse myself I've started asking people to suggest topics. Here's the first one I got: Relationships and the Modern Woman, a subject I know virtually jack shit about.

I will say this though, there is something to be said for a lack of choice. 'We are cursed to be free' is the most profound statement I have ever heard. Mostly because it revolutionised my way of thinking, and its true.

If I was in the backwaters of India right now someone would choose my mate for me, probably my mother. With her taste it would be a rather fat, hairy doctor with bad teeth and a slight case of halitosis but a warm smile and a funny personality. Why do I know this? Because my mother keeps telling me she wants me to marry a doctor, and she likes fat, hairy men, the bad tooth part is just a slight on my part because I've never met someone from India who had nice teeth. Their dentistry must be like it is in Britain! But with less NHS fuelled chaos I'm sure.

Of course if my virilently atheist Father had to choose I'd still be going to a convent. At the very least he would send me to some sort of lesbian colony where I could live out my life eating beaver and never have to worry about perverted perverted men. Again, I know this because I've been told.

Sexuality is like the ultamite in chaos. You can pick ANYTHING. As long as you're not harming anyone (please note I say harming, not hurting) then there's nothing you can't do! Like balloons? I only mention that because I like chiding people who like balloons. But I would never stop them loving their rubber. Their choice.

So with 6 billion people in the world, an infinite amount of choice, and armed with the knowledge that everyone is someone's fetish, what do you do?

I'm going to stop typing this now, because I don't feel qualified to go any further. Seriously, what do you do? And why are there 'experts' paid to tell anyone what to do? Unless they've fucked, been intimate with and loved enough people to fill Wembley I really don't see where the 'expert' part comes in.