2.11.2015

Favorite moments of 2014

Even thought things in life isn't smooth right now I'm trying to be happy because spring is coming and I feel it! Lately I've been thinking about things I need in my life to feel truly happy. I've been thinking about people in my life, about their behaviour and then about my behaviour. Do all of us deserve what we have? Because lately I feel like I'm not in the right place, with the right people. I think that I've been too good and there is people who doesn't deserve it. Is it a lesson? Yes, but only for me. And wait, no, I'm not saying that I'm the best person in the world! But I'm trying to be diffirent. I'm trying to understand what is happening in my life right now. Why I'm feeling bad all the time? Maybe because of medicine I'm using lately, maybe because I'm tired because of disease which is chasing me for about 7 years, maybe because I don't feel support from friends. It's not like I'm asking for attention, care and love because we all have our own lives, but sometimes I think that I've been too good to some friends - I always forgive, I always talk (care) and I'm next to them when it's needed. I feel used. Like a plastic bag. And I don't think that I deserve to feel like this.

Also, this is the moment when I'm finally deciding my future, my plans. I'm having great future idea which is going to let me make my dream true. But I'm feeling like something is holding me back. I can't decide what is the best for me, and I mean it - FOR ME. I still do have enough time to decide but I'm feeling like world is too big to wait, so I would love to leave everything now and explore the world! One of biggest pleasure and happiness in my life is traveling. There are just few places I've seen but world is so miscellaneous! Every night I'm just sleeping in bed and thinking about all the places I want to see and live. It's painful to lie in bed while others are making their dreams come true. If not school I would have full-time job right now and planning my next trip. I feel like I don't belong here, I belong somewhere else. Somewhere else in the world. Home is not your house, home is where you feel right. And no matter where is it.

What I'm trying to say is... I'm going to finish school and think about my future plans, think about my life and my family. What I'm going to do? I already know. But from this moment I will worry only about my happiness, as well as my family happiness and maybe about someone who is worth it. And I recommend to you to do the same. Smile!