Asda corned beef handed Class A drug status

Asda corned beef has been handed a Class A drug status after young party revellers began ingesting the salt-cured beef product to get a ‘nice meaty high’.

Asda have urged anyone who has purchased any Smart Price corned beef to return it to the point of purchase, but with tins being sold for as little £1.54, partygoers are reportedly getting ‘completely sandwiched’.

Police have already carried out a number of raids and seized tinned meats with a street value of £12.47.

Staff at Asda branches have also been affected with three Asda Aces at a West Bromwich supermarket facing disciplinary measures after forming a whistle posse and smearing themselves with Vicks.

Asda spokesman Simon Williams said: “Asda customers who have been taking corned beef laced with phenylbutazone can experience serious side effects, such as an irresistible urge to dance and a feeling of oneness with everything.

“We strongly advise customers who have bought the 340g tins not to put on an old school mix tape and give it up to the DJ.”

Asda’s Class A corned beef

The Midlands store, meanwhile, has come under pressure to install a special chill-out lounge next to the tinned foods aisle.

Last night fears were growing that the product has reached the wider population after a pensioner in West Dulwich had a transcendental experience when querying a bill.

Williams meanwhile denied that he himself had been affected.

“I only ingested a very small amount, certainly not enough to affect my ability to do my job.”

He added, “I wanna see everyone in the house say yeah!”

Other supermarkets are also set to issue product recalls after reports surfaced of youths attempting to smoke corned beef hash through a bong.