T is for Take Over: My Daughter, Casey Takes Over The Blog #atozchallenge #blogging #poetry

I am a proud Mama today because T is for Take Over, and my 17yr old daughter, Casey Hart has agreed to be the taker.

Casey is a high school senior heading to college in the fall. Besides being an amazing daughter, she’s a budding poet, and has graciously agreed to let me feature one of her original poems on the blog today.

This particular poem is aptly named Taken Over (see what we did there?) 😛

TAKEN OVER

by Casey Hart

The initial blow is nothing compared to the ache,

You fall even though you put everything at stake,

They don’t care they just take it all away,

Until you feel as though you must stay.

You think that maybe it’s just a phase,

But, years later you discover that it has lasted way too many days.

Suddenly, it gets pushed back into the depths of your brain,

But, you will always feel the pain.

You find yourself crying as you go to sleep,

It’s hard to understand how words could cut you so deep,

You cringe every time he walks through the door,

But, you cannot run; you’re stuck to the floor.

After months of waiting for the pain to go away,

You start to live life day by day,

That’s when you finally begin to dream again,

But, he pushes and prods you until you despise all men.

It was fun when it started but now you’re just scared,

You can’t remember the last time you even cared.

This situation engulfs your entire life,

‘Til you’re ready to end it; all it takes is a knife.

That’s when your brain shuts right down,

Nothing cheers you up; you’re always wearing a frown.

Thoughts of suicide take over your brain,

You convince yourself that you would feel no more pain.

Your life is over; your heart just won’t quit beating,

Your insides feel like they’re always bleeding.

Your liver, your heart, your kidneys, your spleen,

Are yearning to end this wretched scene.

It never goes away, even when you’re free,

It’s waiting for you,

it’s waiting…

for me.

Feel free to share your thoughts and comments on the poem. Casey was looking forward to knowing what “real people” thought about the piece.

Happy Monday!

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About Rebecca Hart

Im a single parent of three and a published author of romance in all sorts of sub-genres. A full time IT geek, Managing Editor of Roane Publishing, cover artist and a reformed gaming addict -- I live to write fantasy peppered with a dash of romantic nonsense :P Addicted to all things pirates, penguins, Johnny Depp and rum. Follow me on Twitter: @Rebelhart69

Hello, it was an entertaining read – as requested I’ll add my two cents…

It sounds like it’s been written by a teenager. This is not intended to be a negative criticism, just an observation. It’s a tricky thing to peg a certain degree of nostalgia that many people have a hard time recreating in literature. Given the feel of the poem, the way that it was written, that “it’s the end of the world” feeling through the first part, I found myself back at fifteen, going through the melodrama of life (when life felt so alpha-omega). I liked that feeling and sense of burning that you feel when you remember the pain you swore you felt.

“But, years later you discover that it has lasted way too many days.” – I really liked this line. It had a little click with me. It felt good and went really well with the feeling that was being created. The follow-up didn’t thrill me that much: “Suddenly, it gets pushed back into the depths of your brain,” I’d suggest trying to tighten it up a little bit.

I’m going to make my biggest criticism of this work, and I hope that it’s not taken as anything more than an observation – but here goes. “You cringe every time he walks through the door,” I winced a little bit because for me, as a guy, I immediately stopped feeling the connection. By gendering the person speaking/thinking, you alienate the other half. Here, “But, he pushes and prods you until you despise all men.” I really couldn’t offer any more to it. I tried, but I felt like I had no more connection with that “damn men” feeling that you put across. If there had been no gendering, you’d have had me the whole way through… I do remember what it was like to have those feelings, like everything was the end of the world, but with the jabs on guys… Well, I couldn’t follow through.

Thanks so much for the awesome feedback. I will make sure I have Casey take a look at this wehn she gets home from school today. She was really looking forward to finding out what parts, if any resonated with readers — and this is a great crit of the poem for her to work with.

I really liked the opening line. It drew me in, the way you want to open a novel, capturing the reader’s interest from the start. The poem’s filled with raw emotion and despair, desperation, but offering glimmers of hope once the pain has faded. Great work, Casey!