Let the Whining Begin

If there were an Olympic gold medal for whining, with the silver and bronze bestowed for bitching and moaning, there wouldn't be room on the podium for all the prizewinners.

Think about that for a moment, then forget it, as I've already done.

I've practically had to quarantine myself from Twitter, such is the nonstop cataract of complaining about NBC's Olympics coverage, from Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera's twaddling during the opening ceremonies ("Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira instead engaged in a reverse battle of wits, fighting it out to see who knew least," cracked Josh Levin at Slate), to the tape delays of competitions, to the inane, anodyne ubiquity of Ryan Seacrest, to the sob-sister emphasis on athlete's personal tragedies in segments intended to dramatize the Indominability of the Human Spirit, to quote Pauline Kael. #NBCfail has become a viral hashtag on Twitter, if that's the sort of thing that gets you off.

It isn't that I disagree with these impotent carpings. I agree with most of them. Indeed, I have my own to add. I realize deploring the commercialization and tie-in merchandising of the Olympics is a lost cause, still it's something of a deflator when the tape-delay broadcast of Ryan Lochte's gold medal win in the 400 meter individual medley is immediately followed by a pair of commercials starring Lochte, the instant seamless mating of sport and salesmanship turning everything into an exalted advertorial where the viewer can't even enjoy the afterglow of a win without corporate sponsorship laying its logo on it.

But at least such congratulatory-toned ads have an inspirational swoop. It was quite a mistake, I think, for the Romney campaign to be running anti-Obama spots during the Olympics featuring victims of the recession (real unemployed or paid extras?) staring at the camera in sad, mute indictment, as if to say, "Obama, Obama, why hast thou forsaken us?" Amid all the images of joy, fortitude, and global community in the other ads being crammed down our gullets, these Romney ads are downers that do nothing to make you think that Mitt would get everyone smiling and grooving again in the Soul Train dance line. Bumming people out during the Olympics doesn't strike me as a shrewd media strategy, but then I wouldn't have booked my Grovel-to-Israel tour while all eyes were on the Games, which is why I don't make the "major moolah" as a political consultant.

But back to my original point, whatever it was.

This, more or less: Each Olympics there are a hailstorm of criticisms in the opening days and by the end we're all gripped. The problem this go-round is that with social media (Twitter, Facebook, barbershops, nail salons) the negativity reaches critical mass in no time, like a worldwide premature ejaculation, and a droning bore. I'm bored with my own objections to the Olympics coverage, so imagine how bored I am hearing yours.

I have much more to say (not really) but synchonized springboard diving is on and I'm really into that, as I am synchronized swimming, rhythmic gymnastics, archery, and similar heavy-duty exercises in aesthetics. I don't care if they're on tape delay, beauty, strength, and precision are their own rewards, so go bother someone else's picnic.