‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ Recap: Who Were the MVPs of ‘Tactical Village?’

It’s tactical village day on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a departmentally-mandated time for the precinct to test out new weapons, run through practice simulations, and let off steam and bond as a unit. Or, if you’re Peralta, it’s the perfect opportunity to pretend to be in an action movie. Unfortunately, before the squad can complete their run, they first have to deal with some personal issues: Diaz isn’t speaking to Boyle because she’s upset that she isn’t invited to his wedding now that he’s over her, and Peralta is jealous over Santiago’s flirty relationship with an old boyfriend (Kyle Bornheimer). The fact that his precinct has just set the course record while the 99 has yet to complete a perfect run isn’t helping matters either. Meanwhile, Holt has become addicted to a Candy Crush-like game called Kwazy Cupcakes, and since Gina was the one who introduced him to it, she takes it upon herself to help him break out of the game’s sparkly clutches.

But like the tactical village itself, not everyone in this episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine can come out on top. So, who wins the children’s karate trophy for delivering the funniest moments of “Tactical Village,” and who is better off sticking with the Sarge and doing absolutely nothing?

Jake Peralta Peralta’s goofy behavior is an important part of the show, but sometimes his shtick can get a bit old, which is why it was a nice change of pace to watch him become a determined, no-nonsense cop, and Andy Samberg does a great job of allowing some of that silliness to shine through in Peralta’s more competent moments. – “I have a sexy voice. Champagne. Mountain range. Hugs.” Other words Peralta thinks are sexy? Jesuit, horticulture, and lamb, with an over-enunciated “b.” – Samberg’s disgusted face when Boyle declares deep ocean trenches to be the sexiest geographical feature was the best reaction shot of the night. – Arriving at the tactical village: “Hey, Ronnie! They upgraded you from bystander to perp! Congrats, man. I’m gonna shoot your head off.” – Peralta: “I love guns. I’m gonna make such a great dad.” Santiago: “Not gonna touch that.” Jake: “The Amy Santiago Story!” – Peralta’s no-nonsense cop persona is Vic Kovak, an ex-Navy Seal who was double-crossed and left for dead. Although, he really should have gone for the sister stabbing, because emotionally, that’s much richer. – Santiago: “You won coolest kill!” Peralta: “No, it tuns out that anyone can just buy a children’s karate trophy online.”

Boyle and Diaz Now that Boyle has finally gotten over Diaz, it’s been great to watch them become friends, but the best part of this plot was that it gave us some more insight into Diaz, who si still one of the most one-dimensional characters on the show. It’s surprising that Diaz, who is usually so aggressive and confrontational, is unable to actually talk to Boyle about why she’s upset, but watching her passive-aggressively torture him is hilarious. – Boyle’s insinuating voice sounds like Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia. – Things Diaz looks for in a guy? “Real stuff. Like the shape of his ass.” – Boyle, writhing on the floor as Diaz tests out a weapon that uses sound-waves to torture people: “Why is this happening?! I can taste my thoughts!” – Diaz’s plan is to avoid talking to Boyle until she’s on her deathbed, at which point she will get in the last word and then promptly die. “I have 77 arguments I plan to win this way.” Terry: “That’s a terrible plan.” Diaz: ” Now it’s 78.” – After Diaz clues him in to the other meaning of STD (besides ‘save the date’), Boyle responds: “That is correct. However, it is very expensive to have those cards reprinted, so we’re just leaning into it. Rosa Diaz, will you accept my STD?” Diaz: “I look forward to having it forever.” – After Vivian asks why Rosa coming to the wedding would be weird: “it would be weird because… I’m weird. WooooOoooohOoooohOooh. I’m leaving now.”

Holt and Gina Let’s be honest, here: Holt and Gina’s plot this week was about as stupid as Kwazy Cupcakes is. Luckily, both Andre Braugher and Chelsea Peretti manage to make their interactions some of the funniest moments of the night, and Braugher’s ability to deliver ridiculous lines in a complete deadpan is always a delight. – Gina: “No, it’s Kwazy Cupcakes. With a backwards ‘w.'” Holt: “There’s no such thing as a backwards ‘w.'”– After Gina catches Holt playing Krazy Cupcakes: “Captain, I think we’ve reached the point where you can start saying the ‘w.'” – When looking for Holt, Gina describes him as a “tall, handsome gentleman, dressed like an airline pilot.” – After Gina finds Holt playing the game in the bathroom: “This is no longer a men’s room. It is now a liar’s den.” – Holt, yelling at Gina: “I realize ‘kwazy’ is a difficult word to say in anger, but I believe I have made my point clear.” – Holt can’t stop playing because “I’m just about… to enter… Sprinkle City.” – During a lineup, Holt rearranges the perps by the color of the jackets to make a cupcake match.