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Thu. 1/31/13 8:26pm
Dave E:
At an atheist funeral: Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and nowhere to go.

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Thu. 1/31/13 8:29pm
Dave E:
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: ‘Stop! Acts 2:38!
(Acts 2:38 (ESV) says “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins.”)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.’

‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!’

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Thu. 1/31/13 8:31pm
sinner:
Oh. That's a good one. I'll have to tell my father that one.

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Thu. 1/31/13 8:33pm
Dave E:
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Several went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

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Thu. 1/31/13 8:35pm
Dave E:
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
“Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.
“Only the Ten Commandments”, answered the lady.

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Thu. 1/31/13 8:38pm
Dave E:
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
“Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But, you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”
During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”
At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star Spangled Banner.”

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Thu. 1/31/13 10:56pm
Ken From Hyde Park:
Here's a true story. Last summer, around Father's Day, my sister's church in Minnesota sponsored a 5k run: Faster Than The Pastor. They had T-shirts made up with a slogan on the back: Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1