I’m a Gay Man That’s Not Top, Bottom or Vers

Being on top or riding bottom just doesn’t frost my cookies

By: Miguel

Are you top or bottom? That’s the question I probably get most whenever I’m on the hookup apps. It doesn’t matter if it’s Scruff, Jack’D or Grindr. The conversation eventually goes there.
But here’s the thing – I’m neither. That in includes being vers. If truth be told, I’ve never liked topping or bottoming. As an LGBTQ reader, that may come as a shock.

After all, aren’t all gay men into some form of anal?

Before we get too far into this, I need to share that I’m not some closet case. Additionally, I’m not confused about my sexual orientation.

I’m a 31-year-old gay Latino man. I came out of my mother’s womb attracted to men. I can still remember being five years old and seeing hairy a muscled-up guy on TV and being attracted to him.

On that note, I also wasn’t sexually assaulted or in some way molested. For some people (gay and straight) that kind of past trauma can influence sexual behaviors. I completely respect that.

The reason I’m sharing this with you is to give voice to a group of gay men who are just like me – guys who identify as gay but not into anal.

In my case, I’m just your average guy. Not model material but also not ugly. My package is probably bigger than most (8ish); something that causes some tricks to say things like: “What a shame you aren’t a top.”

At any rate, some of my close friends have asked why I’m not “it”. I’ll tell you what I tell them: It doesn’t do anything for me. My answer is usually followed up with a puzzled look and a question like: “So it turns you off?”

My response is: Nope. It’s just not my thing.

That’s when the discussion flows into the direction of general likes and dislikes. Like most gay men, I’m into a lot of things. Here, I’m talking about making out, oral fun, body contact and even the word that rhymes with brim (aka brimming – remove the “b”.).

I’ve tried both – it’s not for me

You may be wondering if I’ve ever tried being top or bottom? It’s a perfectly fair question. The answer is, yep, I sure have. Even did it with my former partner of two years.

He describes himself as vers. But in our previous relationship, I can count on my hands the number of times we actually trucked (yes, I purposely used that word).

Like me, he was turned on by other things – the basics, you know? It was one of the reasons we worked so well in the bedroom.

Please know that none of what I’m sharing here is designed to be a dig against my gay brothers who are into backdoor fun. There’s nothing wrong with this whatsoever. To each his own, right?

I just want to say there are guys like me on the planet that dig other men that aren’t into getting trucked or trucking others. That doesn’t make us suffers from internalized homophobia. And it’s not about trying to play it straight [people who do the later suck!]

My hope is the next time you meet a guy on the apps that’s not into either, you’ll keep what I’ve shared here in mind. There’s so much more to being gay than who is taking the top or bottom bunk, you know?