The World O' Crap Archive

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Merry Christmas…From My FIST!

Ordinarily, I enjoy the War on Christmas. I love the spectacle of Bill O’Reilly, his face erubescent with rage and his dewlap swelling like the croak sac of a toad, as he foretells of our cherished mercantile customs crushed beneath the iron heel of Secular Progressivism, our once rich and bountiful land bereft of mall Santas and Rankin-Bass holiday specials. (O’Reilly: “If I had not done the campaign, then the forces of darkness would have won.”) It couldn’t be funnier if Bill launched into a jeremiad on how the forced integration of Washington’s and Lincoln’s birthdays into a single “President’s Day” was eroding our ancient tradition of the January White Sale.

Delightful stuff, and for the most part, harmless, because the vast majority of people realize that Bill’s verbal emissions have the same substance — but fewer practical uses – than the stuff that comes out of a Rosco Fog Machine. However, it seems that certain New Yorkers (otherwise known as “the Fox News demographic” or ”morons” for short) are no longer satisfied to fight the War with conventional weapons — blogs, punditry, and quivering wattles.

Per Atrios, we see that Christ Our Savior was born this day in the city of David, and this shall we a sign unto you to gangbang straphangers with violent holiday greetings:

On Friday, Four Jewish subway riders who wished other people Happy Hanukkah were pelted with anti-Semitic remarks before being beaten, New York police and prosecutors said.

The incident was being investigated as a possible hate crime.

The four were on a train in Manhattan on Friday night, during the eight-day Jewish Festival of Lights, when they were approached by a group of 10 people who offered holiday greetings. The victims responded, Happy Hanukkah and were assaulted by the larger group, police said Tuesday…

One of the men charged, Joseph Jirovec, pleaded guilty last year to attempted robbery as a hate crime and was awaiting sentencing, prosecutors said. Jirovec, who is white, was part of a group that yelled racial epithets and assaulted two black teenagers in Brooklyn, prosecutors said.

Jirovec’s lawyer, Peter Mollo, said Tuesday it was unlikely his client would attack someone for being Jewish. His mother was Jewish, Mollo said. It’s very unlikely he would do something like this at all.

And if his mother’s Jewish, that would certainly make him a Jew. But he’s probably one of those “perfected Jews,” who can no more abide a flawed, incomplete, pre-Jesus-worshipping Hebrew than Poppin Fresh can stand the sight of limp, underdone Christmas cookies pulled prematurely from the oven.

UPDATE: As Trenchcoat points out in comments, a Muslim student came to the victim’s aid during the attack.