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Monday, October 6, 2008

Monday, October 6, 2008

Some cakes are like those ink blot tests you saw in grade school: baffling blobs of color open to interpretation. Well, not exactly; cakes are usually supposed to look like something in particular. Sometimes they taste better, too.

Anyway, since I've gotten a few of these "ink blot" type cakes submitted, I thought it'd be fun to add a little suspense to your daily dose of Wreckage. That's right, boys and girls, now it's time to play...

"Guess That Wreck!"

Everyone ready? Ok, clear your mind of all thoughts. Now, scroll down and tell me what you see:

"What's that? Ah, you see the moon cooking on the grill in a paper bag? [scribbling on notepad] Interesting, veeery interesting... [looking over glasses] And tell me, how IS your relationship with your mother?"

Check back tomorrow for the "answer": I'll post a picture of what the cake was supposed to look like. In the mean time, let's see who can come up with the most outrageous explanation. I may even post the top 3 guesses here, so bring on the funny, folks; fame and fortune await!*

Thanks to Dana W. for inspiring a brand new category! Oh, and Dana? Don't go giving away the answer just yet, k?

*By "fame" I mean a shout-out to your posting name, and "fortune" is used more in the "destiny" sense of the word than the "wealth or riches" sense. So in other words, no, you won't be getting any money*. Unless someone sends it to you, of course. But that someone would not be me. So probably not.

* Or begetting any money, either; 'cuzthat'd just be weird. And wrong. But mostly weird.

I can't remember the name of that symbol but it's a popular one in most seek N find type games on the net and it's french. So maybe a couch potato from france who happens to like football? I think those little guys holding up the cake are football players...Notre Dame maybe?

I'm going to say that's supposed to be Saints Stadium in New Orleans. I was only tipped off that it might have something to do with football when I saw the little footballs being crushed by the stadium. Because if those footballs were in that position, they would not really be recognizable as footballs. Of course, recognizability wasn't tops on this cake decorator's list was it? I like the use of the fleur de lis to give it that bit of French Cajun flavor. Now if only there were some crawfish on the cake as well. (What, like that would be the thing that would make the cake horrible, not the weird poop colored bottom of the cake?)

Gorgeous cake. I don't think I've ever seen a cake depicting a pair of chapped lips, with a "soul patch" goatee beneath. I hope he enjoyed his delicious meal of black bird pie, too, but he needs to slurp up that remaining feather.

Love the new category! I love guessing games. Judging by the little helmets around the perimeter, it looks like it's supposed to be the N.O. saints...but what the heck is the rest of the cake? It does look like they threw their logo onto a grill.

What we have here is a bunch of Japanese beetles (standing on numbers...which might be my fave part of the wreck) after stealing the fireplace of the Sisters of Bon Secour (whose symbol is the fleur de lis...don's ask how i know that)

Obviously, it is a bunch of scarab beetles (like the ones deified in acnient Egypt) carrying their offering of fire to the French moon goddess. Unfortunately, some are getting crushed under the weight, hence the bits of red blood you can see squishing out from under them.

It's got to be a funky colored couch sitting in the mud. There are squashed little football men sinking into the mud. The black thing is a "tac"...you know, like the devil would sit on? This one "takes the cake"!

Ok, this has got to be a couch...a really ugly one, sitting in the mud. Below the couch, there are tiny football guys sinking into the mud. The black thing on the couch is a "tac", you know, like "if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tac"??

Doc, I'm seeing the wringer mechanism from one of those old-style clothes washing machines which are popularly referred to as wringer-washers; and, it's in mid-wring of a garment with a French Fleur de Lys pattern.

Oh, and, Doc, I don't really much care about the fame and fortune. I just want the PAIN to GO AWAY! Please, can you help me, Doc?

well i'm guessing from the helmets and the fleur de lis that it's supposed to be an homage to LSU football? and the field grass is brown b/c they play by scorched earth policy, and the bleachers are orange and yellow because the fans are on fire, and the big gray thing is a throwback to when LSU was the Agricultural and Mechanical College and so which means it's a big stone wheel (mechanical and also agricultural, you know, for grinding the wheat they grew and stuff). or it's brown and gray and ablaze b/c the school was burned down in the civil war. ??? yay!!

It makes me sad that I saw the little football helmets, then had to go Google "fleur de lis football" to determine it had anything to do with the New Orleans Saints, then stare at the image for about five more minutes to figure out it was supposed to look like a stadium.

Everyone else here seemed to have a much easier go of it!

I'm still a little proud of myself, though. WIthout the Googling I did this morning, I wouldn't have been able to verify for you that New Orleans even has a football team, much less what their team name is.

What are you complaining about? Isn't that EXACTLY what the Superdome looked like after the aliens set their ship down on top of it and all the players, squishing their helmets out along the edges like too much barbeque sauce on a sandwich?

I GOT IT! That's a hell of a big salmon! So big in fact that it took the whole Saints football team to lift it onto the grill. They were so charged with testosterone after getting it on the grill, slapping each other on the bums and pulling chest hair and what not, someone got the idea to brand it with a fleur-de-lis. When it was finally done they tried to put it on a serving platter, unfortunately they were all squashed in the process. Sorry Saints fans, you can just hang up your jerseys no Superbowl for you guys this year!

I know what it's SUPPOSED to be, but it looks like it's a horse's mouth. But this particular horse is wearing a fleur de lis "grill" (TOO CRUNK!) in its teeth and a football helmet chain around its neck.

Apparently it's supposed to be a football reference. But for the life of me, all I can see is grilled salmon with a fleur de lis, a grilled steak and beetles surrounding it...And a moldy piece of bread at the top. Oh well!

Clearly it's a giant piece of grilled salmon (branded with a fleur-de-lis) that landed on a muddy football field and squashed all of the football players. All you can see of them are their helmets and the blood oozing around the field.

My initial reaction was "fireplace." ...though I'm not really sure what occasion would call for a fireplace cake. Then I saw the football helmets, and I was like, "Erm, unless they're strange-looking coals, I'm guessing it's something to do with football..."

Before I noticed the football helmets, my first instinct was that it was somehow Boys Scout related - what with the fleur de lis on the top. Then, I thought - oh, it's a campfire, and those are logs, in the middle are flames, and surrounding it are...scorched marshmallows? Rocks? Beetles? Oh wait...those are helmets...ooooh.

Ah, this is a very holy cake. That is a sacred ear of corn setting upon the alter. The grey piece in front is where they sacrifice the corn. The things with stripes and numbers are what do the sacrificing. When your number is up you get sacrificed with the corn. It is a great honor. The grey stone in back is just a couch prop.

It's a promotional cake for a French sushi & martini bar. See, those are 3 big pieces of sashimi (salmon, tuna, and mackerel with the skin still on) decorated with a fleur de lis and surrounded by olives.

Well it's obviously supposed to be one of those Kangol hats that Samuel L. Jackson is so fond of wearing, only they butchered the design so badly that the Kangol sign looks more like a fleur de lis. I'd wear that hat, and I'd eat that cake. I'd even eat that cake whilst wearing that hat. That's how cool I am. Know what I'm sayin', Sam?

Of course it's not the Superdome. What we have here is a re-enactment of the Great Beetle Linen Theft of 1658.Unbeknownst to most historians, it wasn't Louis the 14th's dicey wedding plans that led to tense relations with Spain, but rather the King of Spain sending his hoardes of racing beetles (depicted here with their little racing numbers) to steal Louis the 14th's favorite sheets (which in this cakey re-creation had just been neatly folded after being laundered).As we all know, most men are cranky when they don't sleep well and therefore skirmishes broke out shortly after the incident.*nods earnestly*Seriously, when I first saw the cake I thought bugs under a stack of sheets. This is also why my kids don't ask me for help with their history homework. ;-)

Well, I see football helmuts, I think. Lots of them. But no people and a firey blaze of what I can only imagine is the football field. So I guess the football field is up in flames, "a goner", as my son would say. And the brown mess next to it? I have no idea. I have stared at this thing longer than I would like to admit with a million things to do on a Monday morning. I can't wait to see what the cake was supposed to look like!

It's an orange and yellow sofa overlooking a suspiciously brown football field surrounded by helmets, so I would guess this is a cake made especially for an armchair quarterback! And that "quarterback" must be a fan of the New Orleans Saints. Or possibly French. :-)

Everyone else is saying a stadium, which is entirely plausible. However, I think I'll go against the grain and guess ... The place of the lovemaking, which happens to be in transit by a herd of tiny ants with malt ball shaped helmets to protect from flying debri and fluids.

It's obviously a Halloween cake of the NOLA Saints! You can clearly see the heads lining the outside of the stadium, obviously to scare away any opposing team. Next year's version will have the bodies laying about INSIDE the stadium.

I think it's pieces of a salmon, flayed open for grilling. Some have got the scaly side up, some have it down. And apparently this salmon was suffering from a parasitic infestation of Southern Striped Helmet Suckers, and the cook decided to leave them attached, for extra flavor. The black shape in the center must have been made with a branding iron. Why the Flying Fleur-de-lis Ranch would need to brand the inside of a fish is a mystery to which we'll probably never know the answer.

I know. The football team got teleported to the Land of OZ (note the yellow brick road) by a large grey rock where a giant couch (complete with fleu-de-lis decorative cusion) and coffee table were dropped on them. That dark reddish brown piping at the bottom is depicting the gory nastyness.

I also saw a really ugly couch...a pull out couch with a gray thing (blanket?) sitting on top...crushing some scarab beetles underneath. Though I've read the comments and know what it's supposed to be...I still don't see a stadium. *shrug* Guess my dislike of sports spreads to cakes too.

Clearly it's a representation of a tragic accident in the parking lot of the Superdome, in New Orleans. The world's largest grill was being used to broil the world's largest steak, but when the silver lid was lifted, an unexpected explosion hurled the giant steak off of the orange-hot coals, onto the New Orleans Saints football team.

My guess is someone was "grilling up" some New Orleans Saints, maybe using the helmets as little charcoal briquets, and the reddish thing being some kind of Saints filet. Not sure about the gray part at the top, though...

This is clearly a host of beetles who are saints fans bearing away the detritus of a Mardi Gras: namely, a huge rock, a piece of grilled salmon stamped with the fleur-de-lis, and a very square-looking pile of poo. (Perhaps someone actually did sh*t a brick?)

OK so we all know its the Superdome for the NO Saints, but my first guess was a french panini sandwich being held down on the grill by a large rock... and i thought the football helmets were charcoal briquettes! :-)

Clearly, this is France's revenge for our calling french fries "freedom fries". They have sent a mutated, grilled baked potato to wreak havoc on our country, it's deadly fleur-de-lis ready to eviscerate any slow-moving american in its path (and as many fr9ies as many of us have eaten, we are slow-moving indeed.)

Why did they take so long to attack? They didn't. The spud of doom is propelled by classic French escargot (snails to us Americans.) It just takes them a while to get where they are going.

Hah, not being an Amurican, I thought cos of the Fleur de Lys, it was meant to be some kind of deformed guillotine with red trickles of blood in the middle there, the French all love guillotines right? And there are a whole bunch of weird French bugs nibbling on the bottom of the podium the guillotine stands on.

It looks like a big couch to me, but since there are numerous football heads surrounding, it must be a French (fleur-de-lis) royalty's litter being carried by burly men. The Royal personage must be irritable, and tends to throw things at his/her litter bearers, so they have to wear helmets. OF COURSE that's what it is! ;)

Oh god are those olives round the edge?? This is terrifying. The middle section looks to me like a close-up of the butt crack of someone who recently sat on a lit barbecue. With the decorative spearhead tactfully concealing the bumhole.

It's the Louisiana Superdome, home of the New Orleans Saints (and the Tulane Green Wave). Although I can't tell you why it's red and orange (the Saints are "on fire" right now, so maybe that's it), that is fleur de lis and tiny Saints helmets.

Also, to the commenter who made a very distasteful "refugee" joke, give me a freakin' break. The Superdome reopened 13 months after Hurricane Katrina and it's currently in great shape.

However, my better answer is that it is a cake to celebrate the graduation of a geology* student from the French Monarchy who has a penchant for football.

* You can see the decorator's attempt at different kinds of rock formations. Magma in the middle, "dirt" on the bottom, limestone or similar on top. The indentation is meant to be an illustration of plate tectonics (specifically when to plates collide)

Umm, it's a burned hotdog (bottom wreck) waiting to be placed in a grilled bun (middle wreck), to be eaten at the full moon (top wreck.) It's meant to be eaten at a tailgating party; hence the little football helmets. The fleur de lis was just the signature of the decorator. Yeah, that's the ticket!

At first I thought they were little bugs around the cake then I realized they were helmets and was going to guess the Superdome. But it can also be a pot of chili, a fondue pot, or a hotdog with ketchup, mustard and a fleur de lis in the middle. Or maby the old time, stove top jiffy pop popcorn.

It's a symbol of the oppression of All-American Food, represented here by a slab of grilled ribs supported by a football team, by European Haute Cuisine, represented by the broiled salmon filet with red wine and mustard sauce garnished with a fleur-de-lys of toasted nori.

My 5 year old says it is a "bear's paw with a soldier's hat on it"...We are not french so I don't know how he came up with the fleur de lis being a symbol of any military...and I'm slightly concerned about how he thinks the soldier's hat would get on the bear's paw... in his imagination was this some horrible mountain training expedition gone wrong?(as would explain the streaking red)...maybe "When Animals Attack" isn't an appropriate show for a 5 year old who can't fall asleep to watch...;-)

Being a Canadian and not a sports fan, I have to confess I have no idea what the NOLA Superdome looks like. I can buy the dome idea (the silver thing?) but ... why is it orange? And why does it have a bend in it? I see an ugly couch, in front of a rock, with coffee beans scattered evenly around the edges. And I have no explanation for the brown thing ... if it *is* the superdome, what is the brown thing? The football field? Why is it outside the arena then?

Oh, absolutely fabulous! I was a little confused at first, thinking it might be the superdome, but how silly of me...CLEARLY, this is that new French version of surf 'n' turf: a nicely-grilled sirloin topped with a lightly seared tuna steak. And to finish it off, a rich, creamy half-wheel of fully mature camembert.

My only question is: why make a cake of it, when the real thing is already so fabulously delicious?

It is a a piece of salmon branded with a fleur de lis in the cake as other food category. It is sitting on what was a cedar plank but has burnt. Some half squished bugs are sitting around the base, having broken the protective perimeter of the mosquito netting on top of the grill.

If it IS the Superdome... check out http://www.stellarcakeco.com/gallery.html - the way a SuperDome cake is supposed to be done. (I ggogled it to see if I could find a photo of the SuperDome and that came up!!) The cakes on that site are pretty amazing, but talent doesn't account for people's taste- the "Beer Coozie" cake for the "Beer Princess" - http://www.stellarcakeco.com/BeerPrincessFinal2SM.jpg

The first few comments I read said it was the Superdome, so I looked at some images online. I guess it does kind of look like the Superdome... If a group of body-less football-helmet-wearing-giants bisected it, flipped on its side, painted its top gray and put red & orange graffiti all over it...

It's the Prince of Wales' Royal Bingo machine, hence the fleur de lys. It looks like a knitted crown but all those little things with numbers are obviously iced olives representing bingo counters that are pulled at random. The Queen of England shouts the numbers out as she draws them- two fat ladies, 88- that sort of thing.

I believe that this is meant to be an ugly couch, with an evil court jester sitting on it, watching football on TV and laughing at the confused people wondering where the football team has gone, as he has kidnapped them and stuffed them under his ugly couch.

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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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