Russell Brand Has to Die

Here’s Katy Perry in France today where I assume she continued her secret diplomatic mission to annex the country into the United States. (You froggies will never see it coming.) While I thought this was just another news-worthy post about how awesome her tits are, I couldn’t help but notice this. What the fuck is that? Is that chest-herpes? I didn’t even know such a thing existed, but is anyone really surprised this is the by-product of Russell Brand’s penis? I’ve honestly never had a problem with the guy until now, but then again I’m the type of person who thinks having sex with spider monkeys is mysterious and cool without ever considering the consequences. In fact, we probably should wait this thing out before jumping to any wild conclusions. For all we know, this could’ve came from midgets.