Earlier today, Lashley, the World Champion, arrives at the Impact Zone. His opponent for tonight, the Warmaster Josh Barnett, also arrives.

At the Impact Zone, Jade heads to the ring to challenge Rosemary for the Knockouts Championship in a Last Knockout Standing Match. As Rosemary heads to the ring, Jade charges and the two come to blows!

Rosemary gets Jade down and starts stomping and clubbing at her before smashing Jade into the apron, but Jade blocks and smashes Rosemary into the HARDEST PART OF THE RING! Jade slides in, off the far ropes, suicide dive connects! Jade slides Rosemary in, looks for a package piledriver but Rosemary reverses and flips Jade down! Rosemary picks Jade up, looking for the Red Wedding, but Jade off the shoulders, German suplex! Both women stagger to their feet, another German suplex! Rosemary slow to her feet, but a six count and Rosemary stands. Jade charges, big dropkick sends Rosemary out of the ring! Jade charges for another suicide dive, but Rosemary gets a forearm up and Jade is down! Rosemary gets under the ring and starts getting the toys, a trash can and a kendo stick. Jade gets the Kendo stick as Rosemary gets back into the ring but Rosemary kicks her and puts an end to that. Rosemary mounts and rains down elbows. Both women up, Rosemary slams Jade into the corner, and then a big charging forearm slams Jade in the corner! Rosemary up on the turnbuckle and she wraps her legs around Jade’s neck and hangs back over the ropes with a modified figure four headlock! Rosemary lands outside and slides in, grabs the trashcan and connects with a smash to the head! Jade staggers, but eggs Rosemary on for another smash, and Rosemary obliges! Jade down in the corner, and Rosemary puts the trash can in her lap, climbs up the turnbuckle, Van Terminator!

1…2…3…4… Jade is stirring…5…6… Jade is pulling herself up on the ropes…7… Jade is to her feet!

Both women meet in the center and Jade connects with strikes to Rosemary before grabbing the kendo stick and smashing Roermary in the back repeatedly! Rosemary on her hands and knees and Jade charges, connects with a big punt! Jade grabs the trash can and places it in the center of the ring, helps Rosemary up and slaps her in the face before picking Rosemary up onto her shoulders and powerbombing Rosemary through the trash can!!

1…2…3…4…5… Jade kicks the trash can away…6…7…8… Rosemary back to her feet!

Jade is staggering from the mist, and Rosemary charges, big elbow to the jaw sends Jade to the floor! Rosemary follows her out, pulls Jade onto her shoulders again, Red Wedding on the floor outside!

1…2…3…4…5…6… Jade stirs…7…8…9… Rosemary is shaking her head in disbelief… Jade is up! Rosemary charges, but Jade side steps and Rosemary slams into the ring post! Jade grabs a bottle of water and rinses her eyes out before spitting water into Rosemary’s face! Rosemary is staggering on the apron, Jade grabs her and powerbombs her into the steel steps!!

1…2…3…4…5…6…7… Rosemary starts to move…8…9… Rosemary is back up!

Jade kicks Rosemary and throws her up the ramp, kicking her along the way. Kick to the chest at the top of the ramp! Jade picks Rosemary up for another powerbomb, but Rosemary with the poison mist in the face from point blank range! Both women collapse to the top of the entrance ramp!

1…2…3…4… Both women are slowly staggering up…5…6… Rosemary is up…7… Jade is up…

Red wedding! A third Red Wedding, at the top of the ramp! Both women are down!

1…2…3…4…5… Both women are stirring…6…8… Rosemary is to a knee…9… Rosemary is to her feet…10!!

Winner by stand count and STILL Knockouts Champion: Rosemary

Rosemary stands tall in victory over Jade.

In the back, Moose says that Cody let anger and jealously get the best of him, but he made a mistake when he put his hands on Moose. He’s heading out to the ring and has a few choice words for Cody.

Later tonight, Lashley vs Barnett, and the Expedition of Gold continues.

Gerald’s Thoughts: Well… I mean, it wasn’t bad by any stretch of the imagination, but it went quick. A one-segment Last Knockout Standing match just doesn’t seem enough. I really think this one should’ve gone longer. Much longer. Longer than the cage match, at least. Rosemary wins in convincing fashion, even if she did survive a Randy Orton punt to the head.— Commercial break —

At Cameron, Matt Hardy talks to House Hardy at his personal zoo. He asks Nero to test the abilities that Broken Matt gave him by finding Vincent Van Gogh somewhere in the vessel of an OBSOLETE MULE in the zoo. Nero says he was one of his favorites.

In the Impact Zone, Moose doesn’t care what Club Cody is part of, that he’s the grandson of a plumber, that he’s the stat that left them in the dust, he’s a big ol’ bitch. Moose says that when he gets his hands on Cody, he’s gonna regret the day he put his hands on Moose. The announcers say that Cody isn’t there. But Cody form behind attacks Moose! The two start brawling in the ring, Moose tackles Cody to the mat and is raining down blows when security breaks it up but the two of them take out the security! Moose throws one of the security guards over the top rope to the outside! Moose with a lariat sends both men outside and they continue to brawl on the outside as more security, refs, and officials get involved! Both men are separated, but Moose throws them down again and charges, leaping off the stars and diving down, taking Cody out! More brawling, and now the locker room is emptying! Robbie E, Godderz, Drake, Everett, and eventually Brandi yells at Cody to calm down and that this is over! Cody says he’s going to leave on his ow before grabbing Josh Matthews and throwing him! More security, wrestlers, everybody is trying to get Cody under control and Moose is in the ring, he dives over the top rope and takes them all out!! Moments later, Cody is seen grabbing Brandi’s wrist and leading her out of the Impact Zone, arguing with officials!

Gerald’s Thoughts: Great brawl between Moose and Cody. I liked how they just made Cody seem completely unhinged by them attacking not only security and officials, but Josh Matthews, too! Matthews would complain about it for the rest of the night (something I’ll address later,) but it certainly added a sense of realism and unpredictability to the proceedings.— Commercial break —

The DCC is heading to the ring as we return to the Impact Zone. James Storm comes out alone, still wearing that mask as Josh Matthews says he’s super dedicated and amazing despite maybe having broken some ribs and that none of the other commentators in the business would probably be out for months. Storms’ opponent will be Jessie Godderz.

James Storm vs. Jessie Godderz

The two start brawling as Matthews keeps puitting himself over. Godderz with a body slam and a dropkick to Storm, Storm whips Godderz to the corner but Godderz gets the btter of Storm with a belly-to-belly suplex! He tries to slingshot Storm into the ropes but the ref stops him. They end up outside with Godderz getting the best of Storm some more, and Storm slides back into the ring. Godderz drops Storm with a lariat and puts him into the Adonislock! Kingston runs down and distracts Godderz, letting Storm get the advantage with a chop block as Godderz takes his eye off the prize! Storm with a knee lock and holds onto it until Godderz beats him in the head a bunch. Godderz gets dumped outside and Kingston attacks Godderz before sliding him back in, Storm with a clubbing blow and a rear chinlock. Storm releases after a long few moments, some ligh brawling between the two, and Storm slams Godderz down. Godderz in the corner getting some slaps from Storm before Godderz gets choked against the middle rope from Storm and then Kingston as Storm distracts the ref. Storm to the ropes, Godderz with a lariat, and a second, and a third! Storm in the corner, Godderz charges with a running knee! And another! Enzuigiri from Godderz connects! Storm reverses a whip to the ropes, but Godderz is up on the second rope and connects with a blockbuster! Godderz pins; one… two… kickout!

Godderz to the ropes, Storm with a spinebuster and a pin; one… two… thr– kickout!

Storm pulls Godderz up looking for the Eye of the Storm, but Godderz slides off, looking for the Adonislock again, but Kingston slides into the ring! Godderz lets Storm go and ducks a lariat from Kingston before snatching Kingston up in a pumphandle suplex! Kingston is getting admonished by the referee and Storm goes for the Last Call, but Godderz catches it, takes Storm down, and Storm is in the Adonislock again! Storm is tapping out to the Adonislock but the ref is distracted! Bram slides into the ring, chair in hand, slams Godderz in the back with it! Bram grabs the chair and bails, Kingston is out, and Storm connects with the Last Call! Storm covers; one, two, three! Kickout!

Winner by pinfall: James Storm (Last Call)

Kingston and Bram help Storm up and they celebrate in the center of the ring.

Gerald’s Thoughts: Well, that was… Good thing that Storm has his buddies to run tons of interference otherwise the former World Heavyweight Champion would’ve lost to JESSIE FREAKIN’ GODDERZ. What kind of weird world is this? The match itself was okay, but too focused on the need for all of James Storm’s lackeys to really matter. They also did that thing where the face loses focus because of someone getting on the apron, but it seems to fit Godderz better than most, since they’ve sold him as a featherbrain.— Commercial break —

At the Impact Zone, X-Division Champion Trevor Lee comes out with Gregory Helms. His challenger, Andrew Everett, is already in the ring. Matthews stops talking about himself long enough to talk about the splintering of the Helms Dynasty and the attack on DJZ from last week. Matthews says that getting rid of Everett was trimming the fat. He and Pope argue about it.

X-Division ChampionshipAndrew Everett vs (C) Trevor Lee

Lee talks trash to Everett, but Everett yells back. They charge, Everett gets the upper hand and slams Lee into the turnbuckle. Pele kick from Everett sends Lee outside! Everett charges the far side ropes and comes over the top rope with a sunset flip, connecting with Lee! Everett slides back in, hits the far side ropes again, over the top with a twisting corkscrew splash that connects! Everett up on the apron, Asai moonsault off the top rope connects to Lee on the outside, too!! Everett chases Helms off and slides Lee into the ring, on the apron, Everett springboards and Lee dodges, they charge, Collision Course sees Lee gain the upper hand! Lee mounts Everett and rains down blows! Lee with a big biel sends Everett across the ring! Lee charges Everett in the corner, but Everett gets an elbow up! Everett hits the ropes and Lee stops him with a flying forearm! Lee stomps at Everett’s head, and gets yelled at by the referee. Lee grabs Everett by the jaw and parades him around the ring before punching him in the jaw. Everett responds with a big punch and a chop, but Lee with a hard whip across the ring and Everett slams into the corner and drops to the mat. Lee covers; one, two, thr– kickout!

Lee grabs Everett but Everett fights out, takes to the ropes but Lee has his tights and elbows Everett in the back! German suplex from Lee but Everett lands on his feet! Lee charges, Everett with an elbow up and Lee is staggered! Everett charges, Lee sidesteps, Everett over the ropes to the apron, springboard dropkick connects to Lee! Everett kips up, off the ropes, flying forearm! Another one! A third in the corner! Everett cut off of a third one by Lee, but Everett with an enzuigiri! Hurricanrana facebuster from Everett, but the referee is pulled out by Helms! Everett chases Helms away, and Everett heads back to the ring, up on the top rope, shooting star press! Lee gets his knees up! Lee rolls Everett up and grabs the tights; one, two, three!!

Winner and STILL X-Division Champion: Trevor Lee (Small Package)

Helms brings the X-Division Championship to Lee and the two head up the ramp.

At the Hardys’ personal zoo, Nero starts off on his quest to find Vincent Van Gogh. He looks at the petting zoo, the goats and mules, llamas, alpacas, all sorts of stuff. Nero speaks to a mule and is told he needs a shark. But where would he keep a shark? Nero starts flipping out and eating the food for the mules, saying he just had a powerful premoneetion. Nero finds the Hardys and says that their next trip for the Expedition of Gold will see them outnumbered. They must go. Everyone grabs ahold of Vanguard 1 and they teleport away.

Gerald’s Thoughts: Andrew Everett looked incredible here, better than I’ve ever seen him. He had Lee on the ropes, looked good taking a beating, and came so, so close. He made the usual face mistake – just like Jessie Godderz one match earlier – of getting distracted by someone at ringside and that costing them the match. But, damn, I think this match might’ve made Everett.— Commercial break —

The Hardys teleport into a flea market. Nero says his “Jeffervescence” is in full effect, but there must be a pro wrestling match nearby. Matt says at least they aren’t in a bingo hall. The Hardys head outside and see a crowd formed, following the line to the doors, asking where the tag team champions of the territory are. They continue their hunt.

Tonight, Lashley and Barnett get ready for their collision.

Back at the flea market, the Hardys continue looking for the promoter. Matt says they must face their champions. The promoter says the number one contender’s won a 64-team tournament for the chance. Nero asks, what if they’re injured? We see Señor Benjamin assault two dudes with his stun gun. A man appears and says there’s a problem; the Appalachian Outlaws are out. Nero asks what now? The promoter says they don’t have the money to pay them. Nero says that money is for marks. The promoter agrees. The Hardys run into the reigning Champions, three men, and they bicker back and forth. Nero says their tag team title reign will be deleted.

MCW Tag Team ChampionshipThe Broken Hardy’s vs. The Ecktourage

We get another video package of the MCW tag team Champions, the Ecktourage, facing off for the MCW Tag Team Championships. During the match, the Appalachian Outlaws grabs Brother Nero and they brawl into the flea market, the Outlaws getting weapons involved before Nero smashes one of them with a lamp. That was actually pretty neat. Matt, meanwhile, is being double-teamed by the Ecktourage and choked by their manager. The Outlaws are on the run from Nero and Señor Benjamin who have roman candles. Nero says that the flea market is about to have a fire sale. Outside, luckily, the fireworks finally get lit as one of the Outlaws falls to the ground and tells his partner to abandon him. Nero makes it back to the ring just in time to save Matt, and the two double team the Ecktourage for the victory, which sees Nero Swanton Bomb both men and pin them.

Winners and NEW MCW Tag Team Champions: The Broken Hardy’s (Swanton Bomb)

The Hardys celebrate and are getting pictures taken of them before they teleport away, causing members of the crowd to flip out.

In the back, Moose is being tended to by a trainer. Drew Galloway approaches and says he remembers the trash Moose was talking. Drew says he’s been traveling the world, trying to make the Impact Grand Championship the biggest Championship in the world. Drew says that he’s sick of people saying he’s ducking Moose. He’s going to give Moose a shot at the Championship. He’s got five, maybe ten minutes to get ready. If he wants the shot, anyway.

Up next, we look the most controversial wedding in wrestling history, because Josh Matthews says it is.

Gerald’s Thoughts: I don’t even know what to say about this whole thing the Hardy’s were doing. These segments were okay, but not terribly compelling since we don’t get to actually see the match. I’d have much rather seen them defend the titles against teams from Impact. This one added in a bit of the Deletion-style here, with Señor Benjamin tazing some dudes and then the Roman candles. I hope that TNA isn’t planning on courting these guys, because the spot at the end with Nero taking both men out with a single Swanton Bomb and pinning them both buried them big time. If this was the end of the Expedition of Gold, that’s a real shame, but it’s not like it was gonna go anywhere interesting. Ah, well.On a side-note, I actually wish my name was Jeff so I could use “Jeffervescence” in everyday conversation.— Commercial break —

We get a video package going over the events of the last couple months between Braxton Sutter, Allie, and Laurel van Ness. The scam, the blackmail, the proposal, the wedding. My favorite part was probably Laurel getting drunk at the breaking down of her wedding. We see someone backstage coming across Laurel who is still in her wedding dress, and into a big bottle of bubbly. Laurel says that her daddy spent so much money and flew everything in from Italy, and she hates Braxton and Allie. She drunkedly says she’ll be fine– she’s fine. Fine, fine. That was pretty great, actually.

Moose heads to the ring to challenge Drew Galloway for the Impact Grand Championship. Galloway is out and gets into Moose’s face.

Impact Grand ChampionshipDrew Galloway (c) vs. Moose

Round One

Galloway starts with a big boot, and then clubbing blows. Chops from Moose, Moose hits the ropes and Galloway charges, knee to the gut. Moose is down and Galloway stomps at Moose. The two start trading chops, Moose gets the upperhand, but Moose lariats Galloway over the ropes! Galloway pulls Moose out of the ring, slams Moose into the steps, and the two brawl outside, Galloway whipping Moose into the ring post but Moose reverses and Galloway connects with the steel! Galloway pulls up and Moose chops away, adding in a headbutt. Galloway with a kick to the face, picks Moose up, and the drops him on the guard rail! Drew drags Moose to the steps, pulls Moose up, Celtic Cross on top of the steps!! Both men are down!! Galloway with just a few seconds left in the round slides back in, and time will expire before Moose could be counted out and Galloway yells at the referee.

Galloway escapes to the outside, takes nearly half a minute to get back down to the ring, Moose charges and goes for a dive but Galloway sidesteps and Moose hops to the apron, Galloway pulls Moose down, then pick Moose up and sets him up on the shoulders, fireman’s carry slam on the apron! Galloway takes a moment, then picks Moose up, but Moose with a kick, standing headscissors, powerbomb on the apron!

We go to the end of the round with both men still down on the outside.

They two charge, BIG BOOTS FOR EVERYONE! Both men are down, slowing getting back to their feet. Drew is back up first, charges Moose in the corner with a splash. Drew puts Moose on the top rope, sets up and tries to superplex Moose, but Moose yanks Drew down and shoves him away, with Drew’s feet caught on the ropes! Moose gets himself into a position to dive off the turnbuckle but Drew sits up and pulls Moose down, throwing him into the ring! Drew unhooks himself– Game Changer! Moose covers; one, two, thr– Galloway gets a boot on the bottom rope!

Drew with a low blow, CLAYMORE! Galloway with a tombstone piledriver! Galloway covers; one, two, thre– kickout at the last possible moment!!

Drew pulls Moose up, goes for the Future Shock, but Moose gets out and they’re trading blows! 30 seconds to go, Drew to the ropes, but Moose with the Moose-Choo punches, winds up, goes fo the Game Changer but Drew blocks, to the ropes, Claymore! Moose with a Game Changer and it Connects! That’s the end of the round!!

Matthews complains, making the show about him some more. He says he has a different score that doesn’t make mathematical sense. Galloway flips and threatens one of the judges. Matthews wonders why judges are even determining who wins Championships around here.

In the back, Josh Barnett talks about being the youngest UFC Champion, his lineage, training with Antonio Inoki, being a champion of Pancrase. He says that Lashley doesn’t represent himself as Champion, and he’s going to make Lashley look stupid. That match is up next.

Gerald’s Thoughts: Galloway and Moose literally, and figuratively, kicked the crap out of each other here. This was drastically different from past Impact Grand Championship matches, and it was great for that. Hard-hitting, fun, and we have our first two-time Impact Grand Champion, so I won’t dare be sour. Also, Laurel’s drunk, tearful meltdown was great for some laughs.— Commercial break —

Josh Barnett is one his way to the ring to face Lashley for the World Championship. Jeremy Borash does the introductions, but not before Josh Matthews complains about it.

World Heavyweight Championship MatchLashley (c) vs. Josh Barnett

Bell rings, and both men circle. Grapple teases, but Lashley goes for a single leg, but Barnett blocks and keeps Lashley from securing, headlock takedown by Barnett. Lashley up and reverses, looking for an arm bar, but Barnett with a rope break. Both men stalk, teasing grapples, Lashley charges and gets his takedown, Barnett gives up his back, gets to his feet, breaks the hold and starts kicking at Lashley. Barnett with a spinning wheel kick, traps the arm of Lashley and has a headlock on the matn. Barnett looking for a standing arm bar, but Lashley pulls Barnett into a full nelson and slams Barnett. Lashley covers; one, two– kickout!

Lashley mounts Barnett and starts punching as we go to commercial.

— Commercial break —

Back at the Impact Zone, and Lashley has Barnett down, and he does that weird thing where Barnett is on his hands and knees and Lashley kinda jumps and slams his butt on Barnett’s back. What’s that even called? Barnett in the corner and Lashley chokes Barnett before clubbing him, and then starts raining down blows. Lashley with elbows, but Barnett fights out with knee strikes, blasting Lashley with a jumping knee! Lashley gets Barnett down, knee against Barnett’s head, trying to pull Barnett into an arm bar, but Barnett won’t give him the chance, getting to his feet, fireing elbows and knees to Lashley. Lashley whips Barnett to the ropes, but Barnett charges, palm strike!

Neckbreaker by Lashley! Lashley stalks Barnett, spear! No! Barnett grapples and rolls through, mounting Lashley and raining down palm strikes! Barnett transitions into a side hold, looking for the arm bar, but Lashley gets a foot on the ropes! Barnett pulls Lashley up by the arm, trying to get that key lock again. Barnett with an armbar takedown, trying to get the key lock in, but Lashley gets back to a vertical base, trying to get away from Barnett. Barnett breaks, Lashley with a kick to the gut, and now Lashley has Barnett against the ropes and punches. Both men trade control, but Barnett with a kick to the hamstring rattles Lashley! Lashley fights Barnett off, SPEAR! Lashley covers; one, two, three!

Winner and STILL World Champion: Lashley via pinfall (Spear)

Lashley exits the ring, grabs his belt, and leaves with the referee holding his arm up.

Gerald’s Thoughts: I’m not sure if I’m happy or mad that a commercial break took place during this match. I think I’m happy because that’s a bunch of time I didn’t have to suffer through the match. I think I’m mad because it was the main event, the match didn’t start till nearly 9:50, and they basically gutted an already-short match. That said, yeah, this match was a throwaway. I don’t think there was anyone that thought Barnett had a snowball’s chance in hell, so, why bother? Lashley wins, but does anybody care?Overall thoughts: First off, Josh Matthews needs to shut up. He spent so much time – especially after the Cody spot – putting himself over at the expense of the wrestlers, the officials, his broadcast partner, world famous wrestling broadcasters, and just about everyone else. It was stupid, obnoxious, distracting, and also stupid. Good lord, I’m just glad the show is over so I don’t have to hear him say how great he is anymore.The show itself, otherwise, was perfectly fine. Nearly every Championship on the line, a new Grand Champion was crowned, Cody looks like a maniac, and we have no idea what the future has in store for Impact! The next few weeks are going to be MARVELOUSLY interesting indeed, yes!

Hope you enjoyed the show and I’ll see you next week! Find me on Twitter and let me know what you thought of the show, or if you know what that jumping butt bump thing Lashley does is called!