Monday, April 06, 2009

Living the Dream

I've been worried. About money problems and tax problems and eye problems. I've been scared and lonely and bored (and irritated that I'm bored because I've always figured if you're bored it's your own darn fault).

Just before I awoke this morning I had a wonderful dream that faded so quickly that I barely remember a detail or two.

But I do recall I was at a birthday party for me, a very small party, and people gave me wonderful gifts. Two were sort of these gel things that you could poke into different shapes (you think the waterbed had something to do with that?) one in deep lavender, the other in rich emerald. There was a story by me that hadn't been published yet, in an anthology with Mercedes Lackey (hey, could happen!), given to me by Misty herself (all I know about the story was that it was darkish and involved a scary clown, and yes, a scary clown story came into my life recently, maybe I'll tell you about that later).

(Kettle just sang and I stopped to make powdered hot chocolate with a teesie bit of rum for flavor -- bought a new bottle two weeks ago during the book negotiations).

So I sit here with my cocoa and rum and think about my life. My second mortgage is pretty much paving my way, the book money helps.

But it's a life that, like most unpublished writers, I dreamed of living. Getting up and having the freedom to write all day.

It's a job, and not quite what I figured it would be. But I have been given gifts and I need to make sure I don't waste them. So, even though I'm scared and need to face other facts of life later today, I'm going to do my EFT affirmations that a friend sent me, some limbering exercises of Qigong, put on my subliminal music, and get Raz out of the theater...where he'll sense he's being watched.