For one of my children’s stories, V.G. and Me, I’m debating between using the following two formats. I’d greatly appreciate your opinion as to which of the two options below you prefer. Which feels easier and more fun to read, is smoother flowing, and more rhythmic?

Thank you!

With Love,

Russ

Option 1:

I walked toward a distant shore

I always wanted to explore.

When I was nearly halfway there,

I had a really scary scare.

As I watched a butterfly

Flutter by in the sky,

I tripped into a prickly bush

With thorns so sharp, they hurt my tush!

Or:

Option 2:

I walked toward

A distant shore

I always wanted

To explore.

When I was nearly

Halfway there,

I had a really

Scary scare.

As I watched

A butterfly

Flutter by

In the sky,

I fell into

A prickly bush

With thorns so sharp

They hurt my tush!

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About russtowne

My wife and I have been married since 1979. We have 3 adult children and 4 young grandsons. I manage a wealth management firm I founded in 2003. My Beloved is a Special Education teacher for Kindergartners and First Graders. I'm a published author of 23 books in a variety of genres for grownups and children. In addition to my family, friends, investing, and writing, my passions include reading, watching classic movies, experiencing waves crashing on rocky shores, hiking in ancient redwood forests, and enjoying our small redwood grove and fern garden.

Thank you, Quiall. So far, it is leading by a 3:2 margin (2-0 in blog). If most of the people providing feedback like option 1, I plan to switch back to it, and do the same with another story under development.
Russ

Hi Russ.
I read them both and here is my take. The reading flows very well with number one, however, in option 2 the shape is very interesting. If it is for kids, they may like the short lines, and be drawn in for the shape of the story. I like the vase like shape, but maybe I am kinda kid like too.
It is a cute poem nonetheless.
Hugs.
HH