Girl wants relationship with father

December 09, 2007

Dear Annie, For the past three years, I have been grieving for my stepfather, with whom I was very close. He died in a car accident the night of my elementary school concert. I am tired of not having a father to lean on. I am a 13-year-old girl and think I'm ready to begin a relationship with my biological father. Even though he is not involved with drugs or alcohol anymore, I still have a hard time trusting him. Because my stepdad was like a real father to me for seven years, I feel guilty trying to replace him. Am I wrong for not trusting my biological dad and stupid for even wanting him as a father? Confused & DepressedDear Confused, You are neither wrong nor stupid. It's natural for you to want a father in your life, especially after having had a warm and loving relationship with your stepdad. Since you aren't convinced your biological father can handle the responsibility, we understand why you are not sure it is safe to open your heart completely. But loving someone also means you have to take the chance of being hurt. Is your father around? Does he call and visit? If so, try to get to know him better, slowly. In the meantime, do you have any grandparents or uncles with whom you feel comfortable and who could become father figures to you? You might also discuss this with your mother and your school counselor. Sometimes it helps to have a sympathetic ear close to home. Dear Annie, I work with a woman who, no matter what we are eating, always samples whatever is on my plate. She does this even if she ordered the same thing. I think this is very rude. My husband says it is a sign of a true friend. If she were to ask, that would be different, but she just helps herself. Who is right? Frustrated in SeattleDear Frustrated, You are. You don't describe this woman as a close friend. You say she is a co-worker. And even close friends should not stick their forks in your plate without asking. It is not only rude, it is presumptuous and unhealthy. Next time this happens, tell your co-worker you'd prefer she eat off her own plate. Blame it on your own sensitivity to germs. Dear Annie, I'm writing about "Worried at Work," who was attracted to his co-worker, Connie. You told him if all else fails, he might think about getting a new job. He may not need to. I, too, found a co-worker extremely attractive, but as I got to know him, I learned he wasn't nearly as perfect as I thought. Not only was "Fred" physically attractive, but when my boss first introduced him, she listed all his attributes, saying he was a loving husband and the father of three adorable kids. He was polite, friendly and a good conversationalist. When Fred walked into my work area, I sometimes had to catch my breath. I would never consider an affair, since I was married to a great guy, but Fred was in my dreams at night. I couldn't shake him out of my head. A few months later, a huge organizational shake-up landed Fred in my department and I encountered him all day, every day. As Fred got comfortable, he began to open up about his life, and it wasn't pretty. He was having huge issues with his oldest son and had moved to my town to get away from creditors. I bet Connie isn't as wonderful as she comes across. We moved six years ago and I can no longer remember Fred's last name. Lived and Learned Out EastDear Lived, It's not unusual for the person of your dreams to turn out to be a nightmare, but there's no guarantee, so we don't recommend closer contact. We think this should be nipped in the bud. ANNIE'S MAILBOX KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR