NEW YORK Among alleged tyrants and oppressors, the one the United Demigods now regard as the worst is King Kamsa of Mathura, according to confidential documents made available on Monday to DNS. ??oeHe rules his kingdom with a cruel and brutal hand, he has an extensive and growing network of powerful allies, and his ambitions are global,?? the documents say. ??oeThere??(TM)s no limit to what territory and resources he wants, or what methods he??(TM)ll employ to gain control of them.??

Kamsa??(TM)s kingdom, Mathura, is located in north central India, midway between Delhi and Agra, the site of the Taj Mahal. Mathura is the name of both the kingdom and its capital. Kamsa belongs to what is known as the Bhoja dynasty, one of several royal dynasties that rule the area.

Kamsa??(TM)s father, Ugrasena, is known for having been a righteous and dutiful ruler. But Kamsa, the documents say, is just the opposite.

In Delhi, government officials declined to comment. The government is reluctant to say anything, a source close to the government said, lest Kamsa turn his anger on Delhi itself.

NEW YORK Since a delegation of demigods received assurances of support from Lord Vishnu some days ago, political observers say the demigods have become quietly but increasingly active in laying the groundwork for opposition to allegedly repressive and exploitive political regimes. The coalition of demigods has become known as the United Demigods.

??oeThe demigods just can??(TM)t bear to stand by and watch cheaters and thugs in the name of political leaders run roughshod over the earth,?? said a U.D. spokesman, Prakash Sattwa. ??oeThe earth isn??(TM)t ours,?? he said. ??oeIt belongs to God. We all have a right to live here and take as much as we need??"but not to grab more and call it ours.??

The demigods are believed to be quietly taking up strategic positions in various parts of the world, apparently in preparation for some sort of initiative by Lord Vishnu. Some observers have suggested that Lord Vishnu??(TM)s brother may also get involved. Mr. Sattwa declined to comment on such reports.

But speaking more generally, Mr. Sattwa was blunt. The nations of the world have become like thieves, he said. ??oeThey steal everything they can from the earth,?? he said, ??oeand then they fight over it.?? And then the thieves get together and have a peace talk or a summit conference about how to divide things fairly, Mr. Sattwa said. ??oeThieves dividing piously.??

The U.S. State Department and the British Foreign Office both declined comment, as did the foreign-affairs offices of twenty other nations contacted by DNS.

MATHURA, INDIA A king??(TM)s daughter and a king??(TM)s son will soon marry here, in the land that is home to their ancient dynasties, a spokesman for the royal palace announced today. The marriage will be celebrated in grand traditional style.

The bridegroom is Vasudeva, son of Surasena. King Surasena is the head of an extensive kingdom that bears his name. He is the leader of the Yadu dynasty, an important royal family in the area.

The bride to be, named Devaki, is the daughter of Devaka (members of the royal family here are known simply by one name). Devaka??(TM)s brother, Ugrasena, is the king of the Bhoja dynasty, another influential royal family.

The wedding will be celebrated with pageantry, with processions, with rites and fanfare. And at the end of the ceremonies the bride??(TM)s brother, following an old traditional custom, will drive the bride by chariot to her new home.

??oeA girl here lives sheltered at home with her family till marriage,?? explained Dr. Satish Trivedi, head of the sociology department at Mathura University. ??oeThen at marriage she moves in with her husband and becomes, as it were, part of his family.?? By driving the chariot, Dr. Trivedi explained, the brother responds sympathetically to the sister??(TM)s natural feeling of missing the home where she has grown up. ??oeIt??(TM)s really a heart-touching custom,?? Dr. Trivedi said.

The brother of the bride is Kamsa, who has recently been singled out for criticism by the United Demigods as cruel and oppressive. But the spokesman for the Mathura palace, Mr. Trigun Mohit, gave a different picture. ??oeThey just don??(TM)t know Kamsa at all,?? Mr. Mohit said. ??oeThey??(TM)ve got him all wrong. You should see him close up, like with his family??"how caring and gentle he is!??

Technically, Kamsa and Devaki are not brother and sister. Their fathers are brothers, so Kamsa and Devaki are cousins. But in this part of the world, Mr. Mohit said, that technicality hardly matters??"first cousins are like brothers and sisters. Apart from that, he said, ??oeKamsa really sees her like his sister. I just can??(TM)t tell you how much he loves that girl!??

The entire kingdom, thoroughly excited, is gearing up for the wedding. On the streets, in the cafes, wherever you go, it??(TM)s the topic of everyone??(TM)s talk. In Mr. Mohit??(TM)s words, ??oeThis is going to be a wedding that people will long remember.??

WASHINGTON Ever since a delegation of the United Demigods expressed alarm over global military buildups and returned from the Milk Ocean with reported assurances of help from Lord Vishnu, Lord Vishnu has been much in the news. Multinational corporations worry about him. Think-tanks try to figure out his next moves. Kings are said to fear his power. Everyone, it seems, has heard of him.

But who is he?

??oeWe??(TM)ve got a huge file on Lord Vishnu,?? said a highly placed official at the Central Intelligence Agency, speaking on the condition of anonymity. ??oeI??(TM)d say we??(TM)ve got more on him than on anyone else. Tons of data??"but all of it contradictory.??

Take his whereabouts, for example. Lord Vishnu is supposed to have his headquarters in the Milk Ocean. ??oeBut where the heck is that??? the official said. ??oeSometimes we hear he??(TM)s in Russia, sometimes we hear China, sometimes the Middle East, South America. And forget rumors??"I??(TM)m talking highly reliable reports. So what are we supposed to think? It??(TM)s like he??(TM)s everywhere.??

And, for that matter, what is he lord of? No one seems quite sure, the CIA official said. ??oeYou ask those demigod people and they just smile and say, ??~Oh??"everything.??(TM) What are we supposed to do with that???

Vishnu??(TM)s age? No one seems to know. His nationality? No one knows. His looks? From most accounts, he??(TM)s exceedingly handsome. But then some reports say he??(TM)s a dwarf. He seems to be a master of disguises.

Whatever he may look like and wherever he may be, at least some information about Lord Vishnu seems fairly consistent. ??oeFor one thing, he??(TM)s incredibly wealthy,?? the CIA official said. ??oeHe??(TM)s got gold, he??(TM)s got oil, he??(TM)s got diamonds, he??(TM)s got timber, he??(TM)s into biotech. I can??(TM)t tell you how much he owns. Anything he wants to do, he??(TM)s always got the resources. He doesn??(TM)t seem to have any limits.??

And he??(TM)s astonishingly well informed. ??oeHe??(TM)s got eyes and ears everywhere,?? said a source at the National Security Agency. ??oeIt??(TM)s like he knows in advance our every move. It??(TM)s uncanny.??

And he has power. ??oeHow much??? said a source at MI5, the British security agency. ??oeWe don??(TM)t know. But we??(TM)ve seen his forces wipe out whole armies, just like that. We believe he has nuclear weapons??"and maybe even weapons we don??(TM)t know about.??

Yet he doesn??(TM)t fit the profile of a terrorist. ??oeFrom his track record, it seems he supports all the best causes,?? said the source at MI5. ??oeYou could say that he??(TM)s outright benevolent.?? But he??(TM)s not all sweet and light: ??oeHe??(TM)s also got this other side to him??"if he thinks you??(TM)re rotten, watch out.??

Still more puzzling, some reports say that Vishnu is indifferent to opulence and hardly cares about world affairs at all. According to French intelligence sources, what Vishnu most likes to do??"despite his money, despite his power, despite everything??"is just forget it all and live like a nomad in cow pastures somewhere in India. The French sources hinted he has a fascination with local village girls.

Two months ago, top-level security officials from fourteen countries attended a conference focused entirely on sharing information about Lord Vishnu. What they found out is that everyone has a different idea. According to one theory, it??(TM)s all a bluff??"Vishnu??(TM)s just an ordinary man. Others say he??(TM)s the single most powerful person there is. Another theory says there??(TM)s no such person as Vishnu at all??"an organization, maybe, but not a person. And then others say there are many Vishnus??"perhaps something like a Vishnu family??"all working together.

The official from the CIA summed it up: ??oeWho??(TM)s Vishnu? At the end of the day, we don??(TM)t really know.??

NEW YORK The delegation of ??oedemigods?? that sought out Lord Vishnu earlier this week to plead the case of Bhumi, the earth-welfare organization, has received assurances of his help, sources close to the delegation said today. Precisely what sort of help he has offered is not yet known.

The assurances seem to have been given personally to Lord Brahma, the head of the delegation, in a highly confidential message. Brahma then informed the other demigods.

??oeIt was sort of mystical,?? a returning delegate told a reporter for DNS. From publicly available documents, Lord Vishnu is known to live on an island in the Milk Ocean, and ??oewe were all just standing there on the shore,?? the delegate said. ??oeNo ferry, no helicopter, nothing. So we just stood there on the shore and??"what else could we do???"we prayed.?? Brahma meditated for a while. Time passed. Nothing happened. ??oeAnd then all of a sudden Brahma said he got a message,?? the delegate said. ??oeBeats me how he got it. With Vishnu you never know. You stand there with nothing, and next thing you know you??(TM)ve got the whole package.?? Highly confidential information in the message, the delegate said, convinced him the message was for real.

No specifics of the message have been made available to the press. A spokesman for the delegation said only that Lord Vishnu had promised ??oesome sort of intervention.??

In response to a plea by Bhumi, the earth-welfare organization, the delegation had gone to seek help in countering an alleged pattern of political oppression and military buildups the delegates say have become a global crisis. Spokesmen for the major world powers say no such pattern exists.

Political analysts said they don??(TM)t expect changes overnight. Most likely, they said, Vishnu will come up with a long-term plan. But when he finally acts, one analyst said, the action will be dramatic: ??oeVishnu doesn??(TM)t do things small.??

NEW YORK Responding to what many perceive as a needless global buildup of weapons and military forces, a delegation of dignitaries has gone to the Milk Ocean, the reputed headquarters of Lord Vishnu, to seek relief. The specifics of their requests have not been disclosed. The delegation went to express ??oeextreme alarm?? about oppression and exploitation by presidents, kings, and other heads of state, a delegation spokesman said today. ??oeThese kings, dictators, and presidents are unfit to be in charge of anything,?? he said. ??oeThey squeeze their citizens for every tax dollar they can, spend billions on so-called military defense??"in plain words, on war??"and couldn??(TM)t care less about the welfare of their people.??

According to sources close to the delegation, which has yet to return, the dignitaries are acting in sympathy with Bhumi, the earth-welfare organization, known by its symbol of a cow. The delegates are convinced, the source said, that Bhumi ??oeauthentically represents the welfare of the earth.??

??oeThe stories Bhumi told us were appalling,?? one delegate was quoted to have said. ??oeWhole countries devastated, villagers driven from their homes, innocent people killed and tortured. And this??"it??(TM)s so sickening??"all over the world. And for what? So a handful of politicians and money men can suck up as much oil and gold and power as they can? If you ask me, they??(TM)re just demons.??

This ??oemurder for money,?? the spokesman alleged, is going on practically worldwide??"in Africa, South America, the Middle East, the Far East. ??oeAnd is Europe exempt??? he asked. ??oeName me a place, I??(TM)ll show you the terror and oppression.??

The delegates, reporters were told, are headed by Lord Brahma, the eminent scientist, engineer, philanthropist, and scholar. Lord Vishnu, it is believed, has yet to respond. But the delegation spokesman was optimistic: ??oeWe??(TM)re confident that he will.??

Only Lord Vishnu, the delegation is said to think, is powerful enough to intervene. ??oeWithout him,?? the spokesman said, ??oewe??(TM)re hopeless.??

In Washington, the State Department declined comment. But in London a spokesman for the Foreign Office dismissed the delegation as ??oea pack of extremists and fanatics.?? In India a spokesman for King Kamsa of Mathura, characterized by Bhumi as particularly cruel and despotic, said, ??oeThe king is unaware of any such delegation.??

Whatever the outcome, a Bhumi spokesman said, Bhumi is ??oeextremely grateful?? to the delegation. ??oeWhat can I say??? the spokesman told reporters. ??oeThey??(TM)re demigods.??