Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Bemused

Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.

–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Argopelter

Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.

–79th & Broadway

Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!

Teen girl #1: I broke up with him because of his smegma. It was out of control.Teen girl #2: What the fuck?Teen girl #1: He had severe dick cheese.Teen girl #2, loudly: Wait — so he had cheese growing on his dick?! Ewww!Man next to them, laughing: Where are the crackers when you need ‘em, eh?

Chick #1: What’s that? ‘Smegma’? That’s not a word.Guy #1: Of course it’s a word.Chick #1: Bullshit. What does it mean?Guy #1: Haven’t you ever heard of dick cheese?Chick #1: Get the fuck out of here.Chick #2: It’s crud that grows under men’s foreskins.Guy #2: You must date all Jewish guys.Chick #2: Or Muslims.Chick #1: I have no idea what you’re talking about.Guy #1: Don’t you inspect a cock before you put it in your mouth?Chick #1: I don’t put cocks in my mouth.Guy #2: Which explains why she’s here playing Scrabble on a Saturday night.Guy #1: You don’t give blow jobs? Honestly?Chick #1: No.Guy #2: Why not? You’re an attractive adult woman.Chick #1: I think it’s gross.Guy #1: Maybe she tried it once and the guy had smegma.Chick #2, taking hand of Chick #1: Come with me and I’ll explain. [They leave the room, and Chick #2 comes back alone minutes later] Let’s go. She doesn’t feel like playing any more.Guy #2: First no blow jobs, now no Scrabble. She’s really painting herself into a corner.Guy #1: Before we get lost in all these other issues, I get 42 points for ‘smegma.’