Off The Lam

Friday, April 20, 2012

In a surprise move, Arqiumedez Pozo threw out the first
pitch today at the 100th Anniversary of Boston’s Fenway Park due to
complications between ownership and anyone ever associated with the Olde Towne
Team.

The Legend Returns

Pozo was rousted from his one room shack in Santo Domingo at
approximately 5:45 this morning by Special Op forces deployed from Red Sox
Nation.Expressing surprise at the last
minute invitation, to the festivities, he joyfully exclaimed “Where you taking me?Why my hands bound” in broken English from underneath the hood
placed over his head.

A career .189 hitter who hit his only home run in a Red Sox
uniform, shuttled between Boston and Triple A Pawtucket from 1995 through 1997.

“We’re excited to have….Arquimedez back in the fold for this
special day” said red Sox owner Tom Werner, checking something written on his
hand at the announcement.“It’s a shame
not everyone who has contributed to the storied history of this franchise could
be here, but when you invite a bunch of soulless pill-grubbing fiends, petulant
OCD addled shortstops, or fat tub of shit sluggers, you have to sort of expect these
things”.

At game time, Theo Epstein, Terry Francona and Manny Ramirez
were seen hammered at the Cask & Flagon.

Friday, April 13, 2012

The sluggish recovery has takes it's toll on all of us, and the Slasher-American community is no exception. With the resurgence of the vampire genre, and emergence of lo-fi horror (Paranormal Activity), our indiscriminate killing machines are having a hard time (ahem) hacking it. This Friday the Thirteenth, let's all do our part to help.