Bad things happen to good people…

It’s called life, folks.

I’m tired of hearing all the Law of Attraction “experts” say that we somehow attracted the bad events in our lives. It all started with The Secret. And while I believe the intentions in that movie were good… and the intentions of those still parroting this message are probably good as well, I believe the oversimplification and misunderstanding of this “law” is hurting innocent people.

When you constantly tell people they attracted their misfortune, I believe you condemn them to trying to figure out what they did to deserve it.

And THAT is wasted energy.

Because perhaps they did NOTHING.

Why not instead encourage them to focus on determining what they can learn from the bad situation? What good can come from it? How can they move forward wiser, more caring, more authentic, more… [fill in any positive adjective]?

By constantly telling people their energy or beliefs or mindset are responsible I don’t believe we are helping them grow. Because if you can’t for the life of you figure out why you attracted something, you can’t change it.

I’d just like to ask you to think about a few things before jumping on the “you attracted it” bandwagon…

Did Hurricane Sandy victims attract the devastation caused by this super storm?

What about the victims of…

Hurricane Katrina?

Bernie Madoff?

The mortgage industry crisis?

James Arthur Ray?

Cancer?

Rape?

I suppose some might argue that our world is being punished for its missteps through these occurrences. But I think anyone would be hard-pressed to argue with the fact that many innocent and undeserving people have been harmed by these events and people.

If we stop blaming mindset or energy and start looking at what we can do AFTER these occurrences I believe we’ll all be better off.

Can the victims of these people and events learn and grow from them? Can they become stronger? Can these events bring out the good in people? Yes. Yes. And YES!

I’d like to see us focus more on how we can move forward from these disasters—and the “minor disasters” that happen in our daily lives—rather than feeling bad that we somehow attracted them, or spending all our energy trying to figure out how we can change so we don’t attract them again.

I’m all for focusing on the positive and paying attention to your thoughts, but…

The bottom-line is LIFE HAPPENS. And so does that other four-letter word.

And as my parents always told me, life is not fair.

Good things will happen to bad people. And bad things will happen to good people. We can’t change that. Instead, why not choose to focus on making the most of the one life we’ve been given… and accepting the good, the bad, and the ugly and simply trying to learn and grow from it all?

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10 comments on “Bad things happen to good people…”

Thanks so much for this post. Your thoughts on this topic deeply resonate with my own feelings. Because so much of the focus in this area is on material abundance and prosperity, I am also led to question how it relates to people who live in systemic poverty, particularly in areas where there are few opportunities.

I agree with you that we don’t always attract the bad things (if I sleep in and don’t study, I am responsible for being late to the exam or failing as I don’t know enough, I am not responsible for a hurricane). I always felt the movie was very simplistic and begged you not to do any critical thinking. It’s a good movie if you are into blaiming people. I have always disliked the secret for that reason. I recently read the book “Switch” which says to look at the good things that are happening and do more of that. I am not sure if we have to analyze all the bad things but look at it from a positive mode. If my behaviour is “X” and the result is “Y” and it is good, I know that if I do more of “X” then I am giong to get more of “Y”. As I see it positive reinforecement rather than attraction.

Thanks for sharing ladies.
In the end I also think it’s about attitude and how you choose to look at things. The labels “good” and “bad” are ones we create. And sometimes what may feel “bad” in the moment ends up being a good thing because it leads us in a new direction or gives us a new perspective. We never have the 30,000-foot-view of our lives so we never know where something is going to take us. If we can avoid labeling events as good or bad and just be open to where they might lead, it sure makes for a more peaceful life.
And, Patricia, I also read “Switch” – it’s a great book.

Great post Debbie. I agree that many of us waste energy on thinking excessively about what we “did” when typically that is just the wrong question. Obviously we should be aware of what we may be doing that is leading to problems but it’s not always a straight line A to B. It’s far more useful to focus on the “now” than to remain caught in past (“what did I do”) and future (“what if the bad stuff happens again”).

Hi Debbie,
Excellent post. I agree that it is far more beneficial to place your attention on moving forward and seeing the “gift” in a difficult circumstance. Certainly you can not blame all the victims of a tragedy such as Sandy for attracting the disaster. However, as a Hypnotherapists and student of the subconscious mind, I would suggest that we must accept some responsibility for most of what happens in our lives. This is especially true if we have patterns and circumstances (that we do not desire) which continue to show up. I have found that when we take responsibility and make changes within we improve our results and most problems can be solve. And even when bad things happen which we do not have responsibility for such as a natural disaster, how we respond to the circumstances will determine the final outcome.

Patty,
I agree, we do have to accept some responsibility for what happens in our lives. After all we have the ability to make choices and there are indeed consequences to the choices we make. Additionally, if we have low self esteem or low self confidence, then certainly we are not going to attract healthy relationships into our lives. So on that level I agree with you, and we should look at recurring patterns or circumstances for clues. Or, again, ask ourselves how can we learn from it as we go forward.

What I am really tired of however is hearing “success gurus” suggest that we attract EVERYTHING based on our mindset, thoughts, or beliefs. For example, the other day a coach suggested that people who have been ripped off by unscrupulous or unqualified coaches ought to look closely at themselves to find where they are lacking to explain why they attracted such a coach. That if they were ready to work hard and fully engage in their business they would only attract highly qualified coaches who would help them achieve their goals. I think that is a load of BS. I’ve seen many people seduced by very slick salespeople. People who just want to succeed, and who are committed, but who may be naive about business and whose only fault is believing what they are being told (or sold). Even some who are not so naive can fall victim if the sales pitch is smooth enough, and they want success bad enough.

Thanks for engaging. This is a good conversation and I’m glad we’re having it!

You got this right in an instantious society all we focus on is ourselves and the bad things that come our way .As i have told my mentoring class many times[ WOULDN’T LIFE BE BORING IF WE WERE ALL THE SAME] There is always going to be someone better than you and at the sametime someone will be worse off than you and the only person you need to please is the person in the miiror at the end of the day. Accepting that you did the best you could that day without hurting or using anyone and can get a goodnights rest to awake to a new and hopfully better day to come it’s great to read your blogs

Yes! I´m so grateful that you brought up this topic Debbie! I have been thinking about this for years, longer than the Secret has been around… but exactly the same statements that you bring up about attracting bad events has been what has bothered me as well with all this mindset/attracting/belief systems stuff. In theory it is of course true that we are responsible for our actions and thoughts and yes yes we have a free will. But in reality it is really not that simple at all. First, I absolutely agree with you Debbie that it is neither fair nor even the truth to say that people for example attract their bad circumstances, famine, hurricanes, tsunamis. Second, it really does no good to anyone, just as you say.
Generally speaking if we look at the human race I on the other hand do agree that we are all collectively responsible for what´s happening to the planet right now and I guess that´s why so many people are wanting to raise the consciousness and be part of creating something more sustainable both in business and other areas. But that´s not the same as saying that for example those who were in the areas where Sandy hit the hardest had attracted the Hurricane.

And last, if you already are well educated and well informed it is way much easier to exercise your free will and make your choices accordingly.