Aging isn't for the weak….this takes balls.

Monthly Archives: July 2013

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I don’t think fake eyelashes should literally BUG OUT. It looks ridiculous when a woman glues look-a-like bug legs on her eye. The eyelids look heavy because of all of the glue and weight. You CAN take it too far! I love a occasional pair of lashes but I prefer to keep it real…cough…looking(ha ha)
“That is not pretty. It actually takes away from your cute features.”(What I wish I could have said to an adorable girl who rang me up today and could barely blink) I almost wanted to swat at her eyes and say, “OMG let me help you get that thing off of your eyeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”

I was at lunch with one of my favorite friends and she made a reference to a house she disliked and said,” It had a ton stuff in it like your house…but it wasn’t in a cool way like yours.” lol My eyes bugged a little and I almost choked on my sushi, but sushi is too expensive to waste, so I pulled it together and swallowed without busting up laughing. As I drove home I thought, “Wow? Is my house really that crammed with stuff? I mean I don’t want to be a junk lady?” ( I am SO not a junk lady, but it was a crisis moment, I had to cover all the bases so I asked myself the question.) I walked through my house when I got home and I was not willing to part with any of my oddities. I tried. I looked long and hard, but no thanks. I’ll keep the “house full of stuff title” as long as the stuff in question keeps making me smile and my friend(s) keep attaching the word “cool” to their references.

Here are just a few of my favorite things……strands I make from trinkets, feathers, rocks, and origami……..hand carved wooden statues from Mexico with secret compartments shaped like bottles, that I’m assuming once held liquor……a vintage sexy lady wall decoration…….Hello, my pin board that I started years ago to remember my grandmother and the awesome pins she used to wear on her lapels……..my beautiful stick puppets hanging out with art reprints I use as wall paper….how could I be expected to live without a huge sequined parrot on the post leading outside?…Welcome to my home!

I like the bandana look. I think bandanas “can be” cute, sassy, and edgy , and they even look nice on men. Most importantly, they are great for controlling sweat on hot days when you are working out. When I try to wear one, I think I look lame, but you, you keep wearing them, because youlook great! I won’t give up, I will rock a bandana someday!

Skid row is no joke. That life is hard and dangerous. You want a wake up call, watch this documentary. Wow. Some of the people in the documentary believe they are worthless…..that makes me very sad, YOU MATTER.

I don’t know what it is about summer, but it’s killing my bra. There should be a rule that say’s, ” It’s summer buy a new bra immediately or face a revolt!” Think I’m kidding? Well, I’m not. Bra’s revolt in the summer and they aren’t afraid to go into battle. They dig into your sides and shoulders, they hold onto your sweat, if you retain a little water from the heat; they’ll dig deeper into your flesh until you feel a nagging discomfort. Above 90 degrees, elastic is not my friend. When I get home, I shut the front door with the back of my foot, throw my bag, keys, and sunglasses onto my leather chair, greet the cat, and immediately reach behind my back and whip that bastard off! This is usually followed by an audible “gahhhhhhhhh” then I fling the damn thing. If I am feeling well-mannered, I’ll aim for the hallway…..but most days I just chuck it anywhere…(FYI-today I threw it in the kitchen trashcan)…..Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful to possess a healthy, ample bust, but I can barely handle a midday bra war when it’s begging for combat…..it has me in a choke hold and it knows it……

I remember a time when the only thing most people had to use as a sleep-aid, was NyQuil or whiskey. It’s hard to believe there was a time when prescription medication was not easily available, we must have been tougher back then? I even remember, when that newbie, Advil came onto the market. Before Advil, we used Bayer aspirin for EVERYTHING. I saw an ad on television tonight that said NyQuil is now in the sleep-aid business….I thought to myself, “about time! You’ve already been knocking people out for years.” Old school NyQuil was amazing …when they altered the recipe and stopped using the jingle: “The nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so you can rest medicine” it was never the same. In my good ol’ days, you could barely be breathing out of one nostril and nothing would put you down for an awesome nap faster than a little plastic cup of that stuff. Those were the good ol’ days…….(Big Smile….)

I miss having a phone. A REAL phone. The kind you could rip out of the wall when you wanted to be on vacation. The kind that allowed you to snap your fingers and say, “Oh yeah, I would have called you back, but there were no payphones!” I miss going into a phone booth for privacy. I even kind of miss kinking my neck against my shoulder while I painted my toenails, hanging on for dear life just to hear the juicy details of a friends blind date. My speaker phone is too easy……I used to have to earn my conversations!

My apps kind of feel like stalkers. They say, ” Hey, I see you trying to take a vacation. You have three new emails, this could be important, put your finger on my square and I’ll show you!” or “Ew look! That blog you follow put up a great new post! Put your finger on my square!” My phone has also become bossy? I mean it talks to me, directs my steps, tells me when to wake up, when I’m ovulating, pays for my coffee, tells me what to do each day, suggest my own playlist, keeps my shopping list….. Dear phone, this relationship is leaving me unfulfilled. I need you to stop bossing me around and start to do cool things like, put my make-up on in the morning and drag me to the gym……..