What energy are you bringing? Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is a neuroscientist who wrote the book My Stroke of Insight, where she talked about her experience of having a stroke and what it took to recover.

The stroke affected the left side of her brain, so she couldn’t do the things we all take for granted, like speaking, or walking and remembering even her own family.

Only the right side of her brain was functioning, which meant although she didn’t know who people were, she could feel and sense their energy. She knew when someone walked in the room who was loving and caring and there to help her, or when someone wasn’t.

She made a full recovery, and her experience left her with significant insight about how everything is energy. When she was a guest on Oprah Winfrey’s show she gave Oprah a sign that says “Please take responsibility for the energy that you bring into this space.”

I love this example because it shows how our energy reflects what’s really going on with us. You might be feeling angry or sad, yet you put on a brave face when you go out and interact with people. You might hate the work that you’re doing, but you know you have to do it anyway, so you get on with it. In both cases, the energy that you’re bringing to what you do is not ideal and will impact not only you and what you’re doing, but will affect those with whom you interact.

We tend to think that our real feelings won’t show. But the energy that we have when we do something or interact with someone is real and it’s transmitting all the time.

It’s helpful to realize this because everything you do is affected by the energy you are bringing to it in that moment. When things aren’t working out in the way you want or you’re struggling with something, ask yourself what energy you are bringing to what you’re doing. In other words, how do you feel in that moment?

I use this approach all the time now. If I’m doing something and it’s not working as I want I stop and check in with my energy. If my energy is not positive, then I’ll stop what I’m doing and do what I can to improve my energy and how I feel. When I feel better, then I’ll come back to it and it always works out so much better.

Action Step: Check in with yourself right now and ask yourself what energy you are bringing to each aspect of your life. How do you feel about where you are? If anything doesn’t feel good, then you know that it would be helpful to do whatever you can to raise your energy in that particular area.

This affirmation will help:

I take responsibility for my energy and I do whatever I can to achieve the highest vibration possible.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. When you know you need to change your energy, but you're having difficulty doing it, consider a Powerful Breakthrough Session - I show you where and how to change your energy for your biggest breakthroughs.

The art of being yourself – it sounds strange to think that there should be an art to being yourself, but really there is. Because there is so much pressure on us, from all sorts of people and places, for us to be someone or something else.

You may become afraid of making mistakes because of what people will think of you. You may put your wants and desires on hold to please other people. Perhaps you’ve been led to believe there’s something wrong with you because you are different from the majority of other people – if you’re highly sensitive and/or empathic this is highly likely.

It is no exaggeration to say that I used to have absolutely no confidence and no self-esteem. People were often telling me I was “too sensitive,” or that I thought too much, or that I should behave like others. So much so that I had to shut myself down as I was growing up, because I didn’t fit in with other people’s expectations of me.

I’ve learned a lot and come a long way since then. The most important thing I’ve learned is that not only is it okay to be myself, it’s essential. I can’t be anything or anyone else. And neither can you. You can only be you.

The problem is, when you’ve spent most of your life believing that it’s not okay to be who you really are, you may have lost touch with what that means. I think it’s time to change that. If you think so too, here is a starting point:

Action Step: Make a list of the values that are most important to you, such as: health, freedom, security, wealth, creativity, achievement, family, spirituality, honesty. Once you have a list, identify the top 5 and then ask yourself, on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest) how present each of these is in your life right now.

For example, if freedom is extremely important to you, how much freedom do you feel you have? Do you feel free to be yourself or are you trying to fit in with everyone else?

For anything that’s less than a 10, think about what it would take/what you could do, to increase the number even a little bit.

Use this affirmation:I am now willing to fully embrace my uniqueness and I release the need to be who others think I should be.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. I’m pleased to announce that registration is now open for my Master Class: The Confident and Liberated HSP: How HSPs Can Thrive Professionally and Personally, Without Compromise. Click the button below for details and registration. My gift to you is $20 off the normal registration price of $47 – use coupon code WEBINAR when you check out.

I want HSPs to feel good about themselves and for high sensitivity to be recognized for what it is - a trait – just like being an introvert or extrovert. It’s time that we stopped holding ourselves back simply because others don’t understand. If you know someone who is an HSP, make sure they attend this master class.

Reflection and Intention – if you’re interested at all in personal growth, being the best you can be, and living the best life possible, this is the perfect time for a little reflection and setting of intentions.

Of course, you can do this at any time, but as we come to the end of a year, our thoughts naturally turn to letting go of the past year and hoping for good things to come in the New Year. And instead of just hoping that the next year will be better, here are some strategies that will help you set yourself up for success.

Reflect on the past year. What were the highlights? What would you like more of? What went really well and felt really good? What were the challenges? What would you like less of? What would you like to let go of?

Taking time to reflect in this way helps to bring clarity so you know what you want and what you don’t. When you don’t take the time to do this it’s easy to get swept up in everybody else’s agenda and to lose sight of what it is that you really want – until you find that yet another year has gone by with no sign of positive change for you.

Set a clear intention. We hear a lot about goal setting, and that certainly can be helpful, but I think that before you think about specific goals, it’s most helpful to set an intention for yourself for the upcoming year.

What’s most important to you? What do you want to make a priority in your life? When you’re clear about this it helps you to say no to anything that isn’t in alignment with it. So, for example, if you have been experiencing some health challenges or some significant amounts of stress, your intention for the upcoming year might be to focus on your health and wellness and make your well-being your top priority. Once you know that, ask yourself what it would look and feel like if you did make your well-being your top priority. What would be different? What would you do differently? What (or who) would you let go of? How would you feel?

Or perhaps finances have been a particular struggle and you want to focus on your financial well-being above all else. Again, what would you need to do differently? What (or who) would you need to let go of? How would you feel if you really made this your priority?

When you set a clear intention and keep this at the forefront of your mind, you’ll find yourself making different choices, saying no to things you previously may have said yes to (because you thought you should). You’ll find yourself letting go of certain things, projects, experiences or people because they don’t serve you or your intention. You may find yourself interacting with people in a different way as you realize how certain people may be keeping you away from what’s most important to you.

You might also want to create a vision board that reflects this intention – for example, if health and wellness is your focus, you would paste pictures on a poster board that show you when you felt particularly fit and healthy, of people doing things you would love to do – such as yoga, hiking, kayaking etc., If there are certain things you would do if you felt healthier and less stressed, paste pictures of people doing those things on the board. Just find pictures that reflect the intention that you’re setting.

Setting an intention for the year is a very powerful thing to do, and it’s also helpful to set daily intentions. Setting an intention for your day gets you off to a great start in the morning and you’ll be amazed at how good it feels.

If you are highly sensitive or an empath, this is particularly important for you – because you are so easily affected by the energy of other people and the energy around you, this will help you stay connected to yourself and release any energy that doesn’t serve you.

Action Step: Reflect on the year and identify the positives, the challenges and what you’d like to change. Use this to become clear on what you would most like to focus on for the upcoming year. Set your intention.

This affirmation will help:As I tune into what’s most important to me and set clear intentions I allow myself to re-claim my power and connect to my true self. This benefits me and everyone around me.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. HSPs and Empaths - Join me in January for a Master Class that will really help you have your best year ever. It's called The Confident and Liberated HSP: How Highly Sensitive Professionals Can Thrive Personally and Professionally, Without Compromise. You'll find more information and registration by clicking on the button below. Use the coupon code WEBINAR when you check out to receive $20 off (my gift to you).

Looking for the good… I attended a social event recently with a group of about 13 very exceptional women. As an ice-breaker and a way to get to know each other a little better, we were asked to share something good about the year. I was so impressed and inspired by what was said that I wanted to share the experience with you.

It was interesting that many of the good experiences the participants shared started as something painful, but transformed into something very good. Here are some examples:

One person had lost hearing in one ear, and had been told that she was quite likely to lose the hearing in her other ear as well. I think anyone would find this news quite devastating, but instead of feeling sorry for herself, she started taking lessons in sign-language and was sharing about an encounter she’d had with 4 women who were communicating in sign language. She was able to join in their conversation and was feeling really good and excited about it.

Another had lost a young family member this year, who left behind a wife and baby. She was sharing how not only her entire family, but also complete strangers had been rallying round to support them in many different ways. She also shared how several people had come into her life since this event who had lost a child, and how, because of the loss she’d experienced in her family, she was able to connect with them on a deep and helpful level – no coincidence that these people came to her I think.

Another person had the experience this year of being told by her landlady that she had 60 days to move because the house was going to be sold. After the initial shock, she was able to manifest the perfect living space – much better than where she was before, and in less than the 60 days she was given.

What I found most inspiring about hearing these stories was how each of these women took what happened and looked at what they ‘could’ do, rather than what they ‘couldn’t.’ Instead of letting difficult situations define them or overwhelm them, they looked at what they could do to make things better.

It was a great reminder for me about what can be accomplished with the right attitude, and I hope it’s helpful for you. I think this is the perfect exercise to do as we come to the end of the year.

Action Step: Think about your year and, even if it was a very difficult one, see if you can identify at least one thing (hopefully more) that was/is good. Write it down and/or share it with someone – I’d love to hear it.

This quote is a great reminder:

“People have challenges. Family members get sick, people get older, you don’t always get the job or the promotion that you want. You have conflicts in your life. And really, life is about your resilience and your ability to go through your life and all of the ups and downs with a positive attitude.” – Jennifer Hyman

Do you ever feel that you are being controlled by your emotions? Perhaps you even experience extreme mood swings? One moment you can be so motivated, happy and feeling amazing and the next moment you feel angry, frustrated or overwhelmed. Sometimes the intensity of the emotional force you feel can be so strong that you feel powerless to do anything about it and it overtakes you, until everything in your life is negatively impacted.

We are driven daily by our emotions and they are an important influence on our physical health. When you learn how to manage your emotions, it helps you to lead healthier life. Most importantly, you can also use the difficult and painful emotions as stepping stones to propel you to greater levels of success.

What would it feel like to master your emotions so you know that no person or situation can take your power away. You can learn how to stop giving your power away to others.

For example, why is it that some people seem to get under your skin & you can’t stop thinking about what they said or what they did? Your encounter with them goes round and round in your mind - perhaps you even run through various conversations with them in your head. Even when you want to stop, you can’t. It’s like they’ve taken up residence inside your head and it can drive you crazy.

What if you had a way to take that situation and use it to gain new insights about yourself? You can learn to release whatever emotions have been stirred up and feel at peace with the outcome? No more conversations rolling round in your head. No more wishing you’d said this or that or wondering why this happened in the first place.

With practice you can learn to get your emotions under control quickly and move on much faster. Here are six steps that will help you do just that:

Name it – you’ll want to identify what has been triggered in you by the person or situation. What is the dominant emotion? For example, is it anger, disappointment, frustration or something else? As Dr. Phil says, “you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.”

Vent – you’ll see that steps 2 and 3 are actually connected, but I like to list them as separate steps because I think it’s more effective that way. Once you’ve identified the emotion let yourself vent. It’s good to do this by writing it out, but you can also do it in your head. Think or write about exactly what happened and how you feel. We often believe that it’s not good to think ‘negative’ thoughts, and so when you feel a painful emotion you may think that you have to keep all your thoughts and feelings locked up and not let them out. Here, you have permission to let them out. When you keep them locked up, they will continue to affect you long after the situation has passed, so be as specific as you can.

Feel it – as you’re thinking about how you feel or writing about it, really allow yourself to feel the emotion. Notice where you feel it most in your body. Again, this may be something you’ve been afraid to do in the past because you feel that this is giving in to the emotion and if you do so you won’t be able to let it go. The opposite is actually true. It’s only by allowing yourself to go through it that you can come out on the other side of it. So put your attention on the emotion and where you feel it. Notice everything you can about it.

Be curious – ask yourself what this feeling/emotion is telling you. What has really been triggered? You may find that something from your past comes to mind. Or you might find that it’s a belief or fear that you had that you thought you’d already worked through. Don’t judge what comes to you as you ask this question, and don’t be harsh with yourself as you ask it. Ask with curiosity. There is always something to learn from any situation. You are experiencing it and feeling what you’re feeling for a reason. When you learn whatever you need from the situation, then you won’t need the situation any more. You’ll find it’s no longer an issue for you and you can move on.

Move on – ask yourself - what is one thing I can do to move forward? What is the most loving thing I can do for myself in this situation? You might feel as though you have no idea what to do about your situation. You might feel that you are powerless. But you really do have the answers you need inside you. Once you work through and release the overwhelming emotions that you’re feeling, you allow clarity to come to you. It’s then that the answers you need can come – so ask the question, take care of yourself and allow the answers to come in whatever way they can. Perhaps you’ll think of an idea, or perhaps you’ll read, or hear or see something that points the way, or perhaps someone will come into your life who can help you.

Raise your vibration - “Your vibration is a way of describing your overall state of being. Everything in the Universe is made up of energy vibrating at different frequencies. Even things that look solid are made of vibrational energy fields at the quantum level. This includes you.” (Cassandra Sturdy).

When your vibration is low, you will not feel good, you may feel overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, etc., and everything will seem difficult or impossible. The worse you feel, the lower your vibration and, since we attract things of the same vibration, you will continue to attract more things to feel stressed about.

So it’s important to raise your vibration, not only so you feel better, but also because doing so will bring you clarity, ideas, resources, and more things to feel good about.

Most simply, you will raise your vibration any time you do or think about something that makes you feel good. For example, you might think about a loved one, or a pet and that may immediately make you feel good. You could listen to some uplifting music or go for a walk in nature. You might take a relaxing hot bath, or go for a massage or receive energy work. Focusing on things that you appreciate and are grateful for also helps to raise your vibration.

Summary
These six steps will help you take any situation and any overpowering emotion. Instead of letting it take you over, you’ll be able to use it to empower yourself and feel stronger. By squarely facing the difficult emotion or situation, you take away its power and re-claim your own. Instead of avoiding it, you face it and move through it. Once you’ve moved through it, you can focus on ways to raise your vibration by finding things to feel good about.

This is how you successfully navigate through difficult and painful emotions and become Unstoppable.

Linda
P.S. I've created a short (10 minute) video that walks you through each of these 6-steps - what I call my Emotional Relief Technique. With practice, this is something you can use any time, anywhere, to help you move through any overwhelming emotion so it doesn't continue to affect you. If you'd like to access the video, just click on the button below.

When you don’t enjoy your job - What can you do? When you have to get up every morning and spend your day doing something you don’t enjoy and working with people you don’t like it takes its toll mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
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It’s more common than you might think. You need money to survive and to pay the bills, and very often that’s the only reason you might stay in a job.

Is there a way to make things better? Is it possible to feel better about where you are and the work that you’re doing without having to leave and find another position? Maybe.

Here are some strategies that may help:

Accept – when you fight against your situation you’ll feel even worse. So if you’re staying in a job that you don’t enjoy because you need the money, then you must accept that is the choice you are making. If the money you make there is allowing you to live the lifestyle you want, then that job is providing something of great value. Yes, it’s true that there are things you don’t like about it, and you must accept that too. But if you’re choosing to stay, for whatever reason, accept it.

Examine your choices – you might feel as though you don’t have any choice but to stay where you are, but there are always choices. You may not like the alternative choices, but there are always different options. For example, you could find another job – it may not pay as well, but it is an option. You could do something completely different – yes it might mean that you need to do some training or do something you hadn’t thought of before, but it’s an option. If your living expenses are so high that you’re forced to stay in a job you don’t enjoy, an option may be to find a job somewhere else and move somewhere that’s cheaper. Again, you may not want to do that, but it is another choice you could make. Brainstorm a list of possible choices and you might be surprised to find that there’s something you’d be willing to pursue. If not, it might help you to accept your current situation a little more easily.

Look for positive aspects – can you find one thing that you do like about your job? Can you find more than one? For example, there may be just one thing that you don’t like about your job and many that you do like. Or it might be that the only thing good about it is the regular pay. Whatever it is, remind yourself of the positive aspects and focus on them as much as you can. Look for anything that is good about your current situation.

Find ways to make it even a little better – if the environment is awful and chaotic could you bring something into your workspace that lifts your spirits and helps you feel good. Could you wear headphones and play soothing or inspiring music to help you tune out the chaos around you? Perhaps you could take a break at lunch time and leave the building to re-group, or take regular bathroom breaks to re-balance your energy and breathe. Look for any little things you can possibly do to help you have a better experience at work.

What sometimes happens when someone hates their job is that they will leave and find a new position thinking that will make everything better. Only to find that they are just as unhappy in their new job as they were in the old one. This means that the issue is not with the job – it’s about your expectations and the experience you are allowing yourself to have. The book “Wherever You Go, There You Are,” by Jon Kabat-Zin explains this very well.

Take a look within and see what you can do to change yourself – and then your experiences at work will also change.

Action Step: Write down the aspects of your job that you love and those that you dislike. Focus more on the ones that you love, and ask yourself how you might be able to improve (even a little bit) your experience of those you dislike.

This affirmation will help:

I now allow myself to be paid well, and have positive experiences in my professional life. I deserve the best.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. It can be even more difficult for those who are highly sensitive and/or empathic to find a job that is meaningful and fulfilling and where they feel they can thrive. Many HSPs struggle to survive in jobs they don't enjoy. If this applies to you, CLICK HERE to read my recent article with strategies for HSPs to thrive at work.

A highly sensitive person (HSP) is someone who is more attuned to the environment and people around them. Their brains and nervous systems are wired differently from most people, which gives them the ability to take in a lot more sensory information. Some HSPs also have very high levels of empathy, which means they can physically take on and feel the emotions and pain of others.

Research by clinical psychologist, Elaine Aron (presented in her book, The Highly Sensitive Person) shows that the trait of high sensitivity applies to about 20% of the population.

Because of their differences and their sensitive nature, many HSPs experience difficulty finding and staying in a job that is a good fit for them. Being different from the majority of others at work can cause them to be ostracized, ignored for promotion, or even bullied. The amount of stimulation in a typical work environment can cause a great deal of stress, over-stimulation, frustration and a sense of overwhelm. Their unique trait means they often have tremendous potential, and work harder than their peers, yet they often feel ignored, undervalued and misunderstood.

We all need to earn a living, and it’s a shame that many HSPs have to work in situations that make them so unhappy. If you are an HSP and you are struggling in your professional life, here are some strategies that will help:

Know Yourself – before you can expect others to understand you, you must first understand yourself. What are your sensitivities and your abilities? What are your unique talents? What do you particularly enjoy? What conditions enable you to do your best work? For example, do you need absolute quiet? Do you prefer to work alone?

Accept Your Differences – as an HSP you are different from the majority of people. I’m sure you know this already, but you may put a lot of effort into trying to fit in, trying to be like others, and trying to do things the same way as others. This will never work. You are NOT like everyone else. Comparing yourself to others or trying to do things the same way will only cause you more frustration. You feel and see things differently, you do things differently and you know things that others don’t. Don’t expect others to know what you know – they are not receiving the same sensory input that you are, so they cannot know. The simple act of accepting your differences can bring a great sense of peace.

Speak up – I know, this can be difficult for HSPs and for introverted HSPs in particular. You may be hesitant to speak up because you have been criticized in the past for being different. This is because people are afraid of what they don’t understand. They don’t understand you and they simply see you as being different, not only from them, but from most people. They can automatically jump to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with you. It’s up to you to put them straight. Knowing yourself at the deepest level, and accepting who you are – really owning it – will bring you confidence. Begin to speak up with confidence. Find someone (a boss, supervisor, or Human Resources professional) who is open and who will listen to you. Tell them what you need in order to be able to work most efficiently and effectively. Do this in a confident way, and not in a complaining way. Stick to facts. You might even point out that there is a trait known as high sensitivity (just like there is a trait of being extrovert or introvert) and you can refer them to Elaine Aron’s research. When you speak up and ask for what you need, you’ll be surprised at how willing some people may be to listen and do something to help you.

Take Care of Your Energy – because it’s so easy for HSPs to become over-stimulated in a work environment, it’s important to make self-care a priority. There are many things that can help, for example:

- Make sure that your home is your sanctuary, a place where you can re-energize and re-balance yourself;

- Take care of your body by eating fresh, nourishing foods, exercising, and relaxing as much as you need to;

- Take care of your mind, by doing things like spending regular amounts of time alone, making time for prayer, meditation and/or journaling, reading and listening to inspirational messages, etc.;

- Make time for doing things that you enjoy and that are fulfilling to you – this could be at work if your work is very meaningful to you. If it isn’t, then make sure you have something else in your life that has meaning. It could be a hobby, or charity work or self-improvement of some kind;

- Connect with people who understand and support you. This can be difficult for HSPs because you may not personally know anyone else who is like you. There are active communities online, particularly on Facebook, of other HSPs and empaths. These are safe groups where you can share successes and receive input on challenges you’re experiencing. These are people who will understand and listen to you. This is particularly important if you don’t feel accepted and understood at work or at home;

- Make your work environment support you in whatever way you can – even if all you can do is have some plants or pictures of nature in your cubicle, that will help. Use noise-cancelling headphones if you need to and calming/inspiring music if you can. Take regular breaks to calm your mind and your energy. Use essential oils to balance your energy.

Use Your Gifts – there are things that you know are your unique gifts. What are they? Hopefully you have listed these already, from Step 1. Once you know what they are and you accept that you have them, you want to make sure you use them. Nothing stifles your energy more than not using your innate gifts, talents and abilities. Do you have a strong intuition about certain things, do you know things without knowing how or why you know them? Are you someone that people come to for advice or to tell their problems to? All of these things are clues to your unique gifts. Once you identify them, you must use them in some way – this may be at work, or it may be in other ways. These are gifts that make you uniquely you and they need to be used. If you really don’t know what they are, make it your job now to find out, embrace them, and figure out how to use them.

Summary
Elaine Aron, who is the pioneer in this field says: “Someday, we will be so valued, I believe, that organizations will compete for their share of HSPs. Our needs will be met because it will be economically wise to do so.” I think she’s right. Change is coming. Awareness is growing. But until then, we must learn to take care of ourselves.

It is possible for HSPs to thrive in their professional lives, but we can’t wait for other people to know what we need and help us thrive. We have to take the lead. We have to help them to help us. People will understand what we’re really capable of, and see that we’re not a threat. When people see we have a great deal to offer, we will be fully accepted. That’s when organizations will start competing for their share of HSPs. It’s up to us.

These strategies will help you thrive both professionally and personally. This is a great place to start.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. I've put together a Resource Guide for HSPs with 10 of my favorite books and other helpful tools. These have been so helpful for me, and I hope they will be for you too. If you'd like to download the Resource Guide, just click on the button below. You will be asked for your email address so I can send it to you - and because of the anti-spam laws you'll be asked to confirm - but I think you'll agree that it's worth it.

Myth busting… What things do people believe about you that are completely untrue? If you think about it you’ll probably be able to come up with a few things. For example, I tend to think a lot, and am quiet – so people assume that I’m upset or there’s something wrong. When I was younger, people were often telling me to cheer up – which confused me greatly, because I wasn’t upset at all, just deep in thought.

We sometimes think things must be a certain way based on what we’ve been taught, based on cultural conditioning, and often based on appearances, which are often misleading.

It may be that these myths don’t affect you that much, but sometimes, it’s helpful to put the record straight on a few things. Here are a few common myths that we need to revise:

Introverts are timid and shy. Not necessarily. Introverts just don’t like being around lots of people. But if you get them in the right environment, with the right people, on the right topic, they are anything but timid and shy.

Extroverts don’t need alone time. Yes they do, particularly highly sensitive and empathic extroverts. Because they enjoy being around people and can talk to anybody, the assumption is usually that they want to be around people all the time, but this is not necessarily the case.

People who have material wealth are always happy. Often they are, but just as often they’re not. There are many people who, on the surface seem to have it all wealth, status, fame, material possessions, but they feel empty and alone. The point is, you can be happy with or without the material stuff – that’s not what makes you happy and appearances are often misleading.

There is one definition of success. The general understanding seems to be that if you have a certain amount of money, live in a certain type of home, drive a certain car, look a certain way, weigh a certain amount, then you are successful. Success means different things to different people. If you want to be successful and fulfilled, it’s up to you to define what that looks like for you, rather than trying to fit in to someone else’s version of success.

We should have all the answers. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we have to figure everything out, and that if we don’t then somehow there’s something wrong with us. Instead of learning to trust our inner guidance and wisdom, we’ve been taught to trust only our minds. It’s okay to not have all the answers. It’s enough to take one step at a time and to trust your inner judgment.

High sensitivity is a disorder. Being highly sensitive is a trait – just like being introverted or extroverted is a trait. It is not something that needs to be fixed. The scientific term for being highly sensitive is ‘Sensory Processing Sensitivity,’ which simply means that we take in more information through our senses than most people. There is also ‘Sensory Processing Disorder,’ which is a neurological disorder in which the sensory information that the individual perceives results in abnormal responses. There is a big difference between the two.

When we buy into these myths they can cause us to behave in ways that don’t serve us, or others.

Action Step: What myths are you aware of that you wish other people truly understood? Write a list and share it with me and we’ll see if can’t do a little myth busting.

I think this quote from John F. Kennedy sums it up quite well:

“The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.”

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. I recently wrote an article on 5 Myths About Highly Sensitive People. CLICK HERE if you’d like to read it!

A highly sensitive person is someone who tends to be attuned to their surroundings. They are often intuitive and empathic, have a keen imagination and may feel very overwhelmed by noise, chaos and crowds. They can have trouble fitting in and have been perceived as “too shy” or “too sensitive.”

It is estimated that approximately 20% of the population is highly sensitive. The term is becoming more well-known, particularly since Elaine Aaron published her books ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ and ‘The Highly Sensitive Child.’

Many people object to the term ‘highly sensitive’ because it is often thought of as being a bad thing. Some prefer terms like highly attuned or highly aware, since those terms don’t carry the negative connotation of being ‘overly sensitive.’

It can be difficult for most people to understand or relate to highly sensitive people. I think that’s mostly because we don’t really understand ourselves. I certainly didn’t for most of my life. Because we were seen as being different from everyone else when we were growing up, other people, particularly our parents and family, didn’t know how to relate to us. A highly sensitive person often tries very hard to fit in but is unable to do so, and so they conclude that there must be something wrong with them. We’re often told things like “you’re too sensitive;” “get over it;” “you’re being childish, grow up;” and, my personal favorite “don’t be so stupid.” As if when we say that we are uncomfortable in certain situations or don’t want to do certain things, we’re just being difficult.

If you are highly sensitive or know someone who is, these tips might help you have a better understanding about what it means:

We’re not delicate. Being sensitive simply means that we are more tuned in to the environment and to the people around us. We pick up on things that most others do not. We notice things. It doesn’t mean that we will fall apart if you are direct and honest with us (in fact we prefer it because then we know where we stand with you). It also doesn’t mean that we’re going to burst into tears at the slightest thing.

There’s nothing wrong with us. We are not broken. We do not need fixing. We are just different. We don’t often enjoy the same things that many others enjoy – and this isn’t just in our heads, it’s a physical thing. We actually feel physical symptoms that are uncomfortable in response to things like: noise, fluorescent lighting, smoke, perfumes, chemical smells, crowds, chaotic environments, and so on.

We are not unsociable, nor do we think that we’re better than everyone else. Those who are highly sensitive and also introverts can respond to over-stimulation by withdrawing and becoming quiet. We may decline to join you at a bar or an event where there are lots of people, not because we’re unsociable, but because we know we wouldn’t enjoy it and we would suffer afterwards. We know, from experience, that it can take us days to recover from such over-stimulation.

Not all highly sensitive people are introverts, and vice versa. There are people who are extroverted and yet also highly sensitive. The difference is that an introverted HSP will tend to withdraw when experiencing over-stimulation, while an extrovert may lash out and become aggressive or angry. Although again, this depends on the person, not all extroverted HSP’s will act this way.

It’s easy to think that HSP’s might not thrive in leadership positions. The opposite is true. They can thrive (although they may not always want to). In fact, HSP’s make great leaders because they can be more in-tune with the other members of their team and have a wider perspective. They also tend to pick up on things that others might miss – such as emotions, body language, and facial expressions - because they are so highly aware.

There’s no doubt about it, being highly sensitive can be difficult. But those difficulties are greatly reduced and your sensitivities can be turned into great strengths once you fully understand and own who you are. It’s easy to think there must be something wrong with you when you are not the same as the majority of other people. But being different is not a problem, it’s a gift. Learn who you are and when challenging situations come up, help others to understand. Don’t expect them to automatically know, you must help them – and know how to help yourself.

Not sure if you're highly sensitive? Want to know how sensitive you are? Take this simple Sensory Processing Self-Assessment to find out.

Things are not what they seem… I was talking to someone recently who was wondering why it is that ‘bad’ people seem to do so well when ‘good’ people struggle.

Her point was that people who are rude, uncaring and selfish seem to get ahead, while those who are considerate, empathic, and focused on helping others seem to struggle.

It certainly can seem this way, although, what I know now, after years of working with all kinds of people, is that appearances can be very deceptive. There’s always a lot more going on behind the scenes than you know and the more I thought about it, the more some really good points came to the surface that were helpful for me to consider, and so I thought I would share them with you.

When people are rude and hurtful to others, it’s usually a way of dealing with their own deep pain. It can be an attempt to make themselves feel better by passing on some of their pain. True – that’s not a good thing to do, but sometimes when you’re in that much pain, you’ll do anything to ease it.

People who are selfish and only think of themselves can actually teach us something. If you’re someone who never takes care of yourself, and is always focused on others at the expense of yourself, selfish people come into your life to show you that putting yourself last is not healthy. As an empath and an Enneagram number Two (the Helper) this was a lesson I had to learn for myself (am still learning). Putting yourself first actually allows you to do more for others – it is the opposite of selfish.

Often we see people who seem to ‘have it all,’ and this may make us feel somewhat inadequate or lacking But you don’t know what’s really going on in their life. People who are focused only on outer success are often very lonely and dissatisfied. They often struggle with relationships – I know several people who are very successful financially and in business yet they struggle with relationships and they are unhappy. They have the success but don’t feel fulfilled.

Comparing yourself to others will always leave you feeling dissatisfied. It’s a waste of your energy because by comparing you are giving your power away. Focus on yourself, what you want, and what you need to do for you, rather than on what other people are or are not doing or do or do not have.

You never know what’s really going on for somebody else if you are not living their life and walking in their shoes. Assumptions can be very dangerous, and you really cannot go by appearances alone.

If you’re highly sensitive and/or empathic you are one of just 20% of the population. This means that the majority of people are not like you and so comparing yourself to others is really counter-productive. Not many people will have the same sensory perceptions as you or the same levels of empathy, and will not be affected by the same things. If you expect them to, you will be very disappointed and frustrated indeed.

I think the message is clear. Put your attention on yourself and don’t worry about what others are doing. Things are rarely what they appear to be, and there are always more sides to any story. Yes, things often seem to be unfair and others may seem to have things easier than you - but instead of focusing on them, focus on you and what you can do to improve things for yourself. I promise you’ll be much happier.

Action Step: Make a note of any situation or person that is bringing up feelings of resentment in you. What is it about that person or situation that is upsetting to you? What is that telling you about you and are you willing to let it go?

This affirmation will help:

I release the need or desire to be concerned with what others are doing or to compare myself with anyone else. I give myself permission to focus on my own needs.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. If you're really ready to free yourself not just from comparing to others, but from all the thoughts and beliefs that stand in the way of your own success and inner peace, check out the 30 Day Change Your Thoughts Challenge. It's a course that will change your life and make everything easier!