I have been hard at work trying to translate tablets from the ancient tongue. I have been working on an inscription on an old perogie tablet, estimated to be over two weeks old, however a large bite has been taken out of the left side of the perogie.

Does anybody have sources to later, more innacurate complete translations. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to take that route, but it seems that augmenting with a newer mistranslated source is the closest we will get.

*It should be noted that this literally translates to "Time changing the napkin of the extracting machines." The ancients did not have a fully developed language system when this was written. There is still very much debate over what is this means. Some think it is meant to encapsulate the fact that a Fazoli's once ran out of paper towels in the bathroom, while others infer "extracting machine" to be stripper, and postulate that this is in fact, a command issued to the sinners to wash the stripper's towels in hell-light.

Hi Duke - I notice that you're busy translating ancient ninja texts regarding their early Pastafarianism. This reminded me of the recent U.S. Coast Guard operation "Waterway Watch" which specifically searches the U.S. coasts for ninja/terrorists:

From an exchange between Coast Guard Chief Petty Officer Penny Collins and Neal Conan (host of Talk of the Nation, on NPR, where this excerpt comes from):

CONAN: I have to ask you. Improper or unusual clothing?COLLINS: Right, uhmmm, in an area where there would be, ahhh, somebody dressed in say, ahhh, a really black diving suit or something like that...CONAN: A ninja outfit or something like that. I see.COLLINS: Yeah, right. You would be suspicious of somebody. Especially in an area if you are a boater that is familiar with your area and you see someone that is dressed in that type of attire, then you would probably say there's something not quite right with this.

In that this comes from the Coast Guard, perhaps the Pastafarian Ninjas and Pirates have entered into an alliance? Perhaps FSM has sent his ninja minions secure the coasts so that we can launch our new pirate ship? Perhaps the the Republican party recognizes the dire threat to their belief system represented by Pastafarian ninjas?

I don't know, but this seems like far too much of a coincidence, and since complex things like coincidence cannot happen without design, I suspect there is a conspiracy afoot.

Already, vigilant American patriots have shut down one major ninja raid in Cambridge, MA:

Ninja: Tourists in Al-Qaeda scare

Police were called in after an officer noticed the group dressed from head to toe in distinctive black Japanese warrior outfits. [...] Student Jon Whymark, who witnessed the drama unfold on Wednesday afternoon, said: "It was ridiculous to believe these kids were anything more than street performers. ... "I was just dumfounded by the police response and the reaction of some American tourists who seemed to think Al-Qaeda were about to attack."