Monday, November 17, 2014

Should you date your college teammate?

I get asked all the time, “So, Phoebe, I have a huge crush
on a guy on my track team. Would it be a bad idea to date him?”

The short answer: Yes, it is probably a bad idea. And this
is coming from someone who dated a teammate throughout college. And it
was/still is awesome. So you should also probably not take my advice.

Why: There’s the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. And I’m no
math major, but that’s one positive and 2 negatives. Consensus: Negative.

Let’s play this out:

THE GOOD

“But Phoebe!” you say, “Kenny is so cute, and we get each
other, and he’s so easy to be around. Plus he runs a 4 minute mile!”

Point Blank: Runners make good couples with other runners.
You see how hard each other work. You both understand each others’ weirdness,
and you both can have highly emotional conversations completely in numbers:
Baby! I ran a 2.01 and the first lap was in 63 and I closed in a 28. I can totally run 1.59, and it was my fastest opener of all time. Let’s go out to eat salads to celebrate my new fitness!

I’ve compiled this list of benefits of a runner dating a
runner:

1.You’re both
exhausted! No more feeling guilty for only watching the first 15 minutes of movies anymore!

2.Tradsies massages. Your calves will no longer
feel like marbles are embedded in them!

3.You’re priorities are the same! (1. Running 2.
Eating 3. Sleeping)

4.You are both weird and don’t care about general public
opinion!

5.You both will have a for-real cheerleader
supporter at meets! Move over, mom, there’s a new #1 fan now!

6.You pass the fart-barrier much much earlier than
in other relationships. No censuring your true self anymore!

THE BAD

This is where it gets a little dicey.

The
“Let’s run together” issue.

It starts off so innocent, “Hey
baby, let’s run together today!” It sounds so sweet, but it’s not.

This leads to some, uh hum,
predicaments—lets play out the scenarios:

For Boyfriend:

Boyfriend runs girlfriend’s pace to
be chivalrous. This makes boyfriend slow. Slow makes boyfriend unhappy and less
attractive to new girlfriend. Bad news.

Boyfriend one steps girlfriend to
make sure the pace is good for him. Boyfriend looks like ass hole, and
girlfriend boycotts dates and running together.

Girlfriend isn’t running with
teammates. Which means teammates are most certainly analyzing their relationship
on the run.

The
you-are-running-good-and-I-am-running-bad issue

If you two can get on sync and
both run great, it’s awesome. If you are on opposite plans, one of

you is
jealous and/or depressed. If you guys can get over your immaturity and be happy
for one another while personally being down in the dumps, you’ll probably get
married.

The
how coupley should we be issue.

You have to want to be the same
coupleyness. I’m talking PDA here. And even the most slight PDA= you will get
made fun of by your team. “Will you hold my hand?” turns into a internal struggle…
angry significant other vs. butt of the joke of the team.

THE UGLY

This is the potential break-up. I would say “inevitable
break-up” but runners have a higher success rate than most couples it seems!
Probably because we are weird/awesome!

Let’s think of a normal break-up shall we: It sucks. You
cry, and then go though some post-breakup-depression ritual (for me, this was
playing Xbox Connect Dance Central 2 for hours on end), delete them from all social
medias, try to delete their phone number (but you have it memorized, so its no
use), and try to not run into them ever again until you eventually feel human
once more.

I’m sorry to break it to you, but that plan is impossible
(barring quitting the team, making all new friends, and starting your
collegiate social life all over—which is tempting, but stupid. Don’t do this!).
You will see this person every day. You will have to be happy for them when
they run well. You will have to keep it together when they move on.

But this is just the tip of the iceberg. Not only do you
have to see them, almost all your friends are mutual (because you probably
don’t have time outside of school and practice to make individual friends, so
your entire party invite list is the University track roster). Now what? Do you
divide friends? Do you become like divorced parents with custody of friends
every other weekend? Do you just fake everything being normal? Not great
options here. Plus you feel like everyone is analyzing your behavior (which
isn’t true, but you can’t help but be extra sensitive in your
post-breakup-depression).

If you are going to do it (which I know you, you are going
to give it a go) here’s my advice:

1.When at practice, you are teammates only.

2.When at meets, you are teammates/family only.

3.Make sure you get enough sleep.

4.If you break up, it only sucks for a while. And
your teammates only support you.

5.Exes of current teammates are off limits.

(Also, this post is not applicable to post-collegiate athlete couples. Those couples usually work great.)

Bottom line: “Tis better to have loved and lost than to
never have loved at all” ...is a great quote, but if I had to guess, Alfred, Lord
Tennyson never dated someone on his University track team.