Happy Birthday, Meatbaby! You're almost ready to start mopping up all of the puddles the constantly-leaking faucets are making! School? Nah...

Hey, wait a second...why is Fifa all curled up like that? Why is that scary man standing over her?

Oh well, whatever!

Yay! Here lies Fifa, peperony and chease.

This nightmare is hardly a full plunge into the abyss of possibilities offered by The Sims 3. I have the utmost confidence in the ingenuity of the Internet to devise all new and terrible ways to torture Sims. In the meantime, I will continue my experiments.