Supreme Court vacancies are only one area in public life where Harvard Assholes face a daunting glass ceiling. As hard as it is to imagine, anti-Harvard Asshole discrimination is even worse in America’s non-lifetime appointment job sector. Harvard graduates regularly find themselves all but blackballed from participation in some of our society’s most prestigious and highest-paying professions. One need only look at the curriculum vitae of America’s country music singers, NBA all-stars, and lingerie supermodels to realize that entire swaths of society have hung out a de facto ‘Harvard Assholes Need Not Apply’ sign. The message from the Old Boys network may be transmitted in silence, but it comes through loud and clear: “You’re good enough to run our FCC, Harvard boy, but not good enough for a hiphopper recording contract. We’ll let you design our GM bailout plans, but don’t even think about driving our Nascarmobiles.”

Deep, sincere thanks to Iowahawk, who, with the warm generosity of spirit that we’ve come to expect of him over the years, graciously stepped aside from his post as the greatest living satirist in the western world in order to give Professor Evans-John access to his mighty web-publishing empire and publicize the desperate plight of Harvard Assholes everywhere.