Children and chores: It’s never too early to teach responsibility

GRAND FORKS, N.D. — Lexi and Nick Schneider, 8-year-old twins, are used to doing chores around their Grand Forks, N.D., home — they’ve been doing them for half of their lives. Nick takes out the trash and...

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By
Pamela Knudson
Posted Mar. 20, 2014 @ 12:01 am

GRAND FORKS, N.D. — Lexi and Nick Schneider, 8-year-old twins, are used to doing chores around their Grand Forks, N.D., home — they’ve been doing them for half of their lives.

Nick takes out the trash and recycling, and Lexi helps with laundry, said their mom, Kristine Schneider. They both vacuum.

“They don’t always readily do their chores,” she said, “but they know it has to be done. They just know it’s expected of them.”

When the twins were about 4, Schneider posted a list of daily tasks the twins were supposed to do, such as picking up their toys and clearing their plates from the table.

She wanted to “instill responsibility and a work ethic” at a young age, she said. For each completed “job,” they earned a star on the “chore chart.”

To motivate them, she kept a basket of “prizes,” including little toys and books. If they completed their chores, they could pick a prize, she said. “I always tried to have cool stuff in the basket — nothing expensive, but things I knew they liked.”

How parents approach the idea of having kids do chores varies with each family and may be changing in American households, said Dawnita Nilles, a doctoral student in the University of North Dakota’s Department of Teaching and Learning.

It raises questions about what tasks, if any, children should do and whether payment or other rewards should be given.

When raising kids, some parents follow the example they grew up with, Nilles said. Others do too, but with modification. Some don’t require their kids to do chores at all.

Schneider said she “absolutely” did chores growing up.

“I don’t remember what age I started. It seems like something I was always expected to do,” she said, “but I was never compensated for it.”

Her husband, Joe, was compensated, “but not very much,” for mowing the lawn and taking out the trash, among other tasks.

Unlike parents of the past, parents today may have different expectations about chores, she said.

“It’s not so much that kids today (are required) to do less chores but that kids are busier. My kids are involved in more activities than I was at their age.”

Those activities also provide valuable lessons for the daughters, ages 12 and 16, whom she and her husband, Matt, are raising, she said.

“It’s just the nature of our society today. I think we’re hugely tired in our lives. There can be a sense of, ‘it’s just easier if I do it myself.’ ”

Parents need to consider, “Are we doing enough to teach our kids how to do what’s needed to run a household and the skills to do that?” she said.

“A child isn’t born knowing how to do laundry. They won’t learn it by me doing it.”

Generally, child development experts confirm that “chores are definitely a benefit to young kids,” Nilles said. “I haven’t come across any drawbacks.”

Parents can introduce this concept of chores early, even at 16 months old, for example, “by helping them put all their blocks away,” she said.

“You can start as soon as they begin asking questions and wanting to help. I’m a big believer in following cues from the child.”

Doing chores gives children “a sense of responsibility, of being a member of a family,” she said, “and it’s an authentic way of learning how a household runs.”

Children also gain “a sense of being a part of a team that is working in the family,” she said. “They’re learning skills they’ll need later on in life.”

As adults, they will have a basic framework for how they function in other settings, she said. “They’ll think, ‘I’m a member, and I have a responsibility for what happens here in the workforce or school.’ Everyone has a role.”

Early on, children often exhibit a strong desire to help, Nilles said. “They want to help, and they want to learn, at a very young age. They want to be around people and doing what they’re doing.

“As long as it’s developmentally appropriate, children — even 2 years old — can help with laundry (by) sorting clothes, putting away toys, stacking their things up and bringing dishes from the table to the kitchen.

“You can make chores fun and (convey to the child) that ‘you are part of something important.’ ”

Among the lessons to be learned is seeing things through to completion, she said.

“It’s not as fun to put toys away, but (doing so) goes a long way to developing lifelong habits. Putting toys away completes the act of playing — that’s what you’re teaching.”

Another lesson is “that tasks have certain steps,” she said. “We say, ‘we’ve played with the toys, now the next step is putting them away.’ They learn classification and sorting — skills that become necessary as we grow up.”

With these lessons, children learn ”there’s value to work, to a job well done. They have a sense of fulfillment. They’re proud of that,” she said.

“It’s a huge piece when you think about labor in life.”

When their twins turned 8, Schneider agreed to give each $5 a week if they completed their chores without “whining,” she said. “I tell them, if there’s a battle, the chores still have to be done, but they will not earn the $5.”

“There’s been minimal resistance because they’re being compensated.”

She also sees the benefit of children having some input on what tasks they’re going to do — a skill they could be useful later, she said. “They learn how to respectfully approach an employer and say, ‘I think I would rather do this instead of that,’ which could be an important skill.”