A nod to The Apprentice

Susan falling asleep in the car mid-task, only to be jolted awake by the persistent ringing of her phone – at which point she shared details of just how busy she’d been with her colleagues.

Tom managing to sell stuff.

"Buy from me umbrellas you will," said Jedi Jim.

Jedi Jim waving umbrellas around like a light saber and using the force of his charm to sell, sell, sell…and then sell some more.

Natasha yeah, completely failing to understand the task yeah and then getting very aggressive with her bemused teammates yeah.

Melody finally and deservedly getting booted off.

Or maybe I should start with the feature of this week’s episode that proved utterly predictable but still surprising – Helen going from hero to zero in a week.

I knew I shouldn’t have broken cover and praised Helen so effusively last week – well, effusive in the context that this is still The Apprentice we’re talking about (I mean, let’s not get too carried away).

In my defence I did raise the prospect of Helen committing a monumental cock-up after so many weeks of adequate performances. Sure enough, it only took seven days.

Whether it was her completely misguided sales strategy or the “kitchen coup”, as his lordship so accurately described her attempt to wrestle control of the project manager’s badge from Melody, Helen can count herself lucky that the big little man’s patience with the former pupil of Al Gore, Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama finally disappeared.

Helen was fortunate her coup failed. If she had succeeded then there was a very good chance she would have been booted out the boardroom by an exasperated Lord Sugar.

She can thank Melody’s belligerence and arrogance for saving her. There was no way someone quite so self-absorbed would stand for such an attempt to usurp her authority (sic) and so it was that she found the fickle finger of fate pointing in her direction.

"This is a load of crap" - nods. "But you'll give me a few quid for it?" - nods.

Everyone managed to sell stuff this week (with the exception of Natasha yeah) and if nothing else they managed to prove that people are happy to buy any old crap – especially if there is a TV camera crew nearby.

Yet Melody failed because she clearly couldn’t lead a team or devise a basic strategy.

And despite continued questioning by Lord Sugar and in the Your Fired programme later, I’m still at a loss to understand what Melody does. I am familiar with social enterprise, I know what social entrepreneurship means, I haven’t a clue what Melody is talking about – try finding out for yourself if you can be bothered.

So six become five and yet I can’t help thinking that only two really deserve to be there.

Despite her best attempts at wrecking her own bid for his lordship’s £250,000, Helen remains a strong candidate.

And inventive Tom seems to be endearing himself to everyone, including Lord Sugar with each nod of his head and each nodding dog sold.

The others simply don’t measure up – Natasha remains out of her depth (yeah!), Jedi Jim remains a one-trick sales pony and I can’t help thinking that Susan’s naivety will ultimately prove her downfall.

We also had another unique and welcome moment in this week’s episode – Lord Sugar deciding not to reward a team for being slightly less crap than the other one.

Paul, I am probably the world’s worst delegator (If you want a job done well do it yourself – how much more conceited can you get?). However, last night Susan wasn’t the only one nodding off. What is it with the English and their Churchill dog? Once I got my composure back I thought to myself that you, Paul, will fill in the details that had escaped me. And indeed you have done just that.

I agree. I too had a moment of ‘Helen’ anxiety. She became too animated. Like I would. It doesn’t work. The Sugars of this world don’t like it. Still, better than those Melody eyelashes. Beware of people who fake it. Who are too obvious. It’s one thing to be Liz Taylor as Cleopatra ca. 1965, another to be Melody selling rubbish in 2011.

i fear for Tom. Forget the nodding. It’s those big eyes – emphasized by his glasses. LADY Sugar might take him to her heart but the barrow boy himself? Don’t think so.

Anyway, Paul, thanks for filling in my gaps. if there is one good thing in the world it’s people you can rely upon to deliver – every single time.

Looks like you were spot on in your comments before the final! Tom definitely proved to be the strongest candidate, even with all his weaknesses. He was head and shoulders above the rest, and a genuinely nice bloke. I think it’s time the kind people in the world are awarded instead of the bulldozing unpleasant people.
Having said that, the winner of last year’s apprentice was a lovely lady. I just despair that the only thing people find entertaining is when you have a number of nasty people battling each other and buttering up Alan Sugar. I’d like to see an Apprentice tv show with nice people working together and showing how much more fun it is when everyone’s happy and competing with spirit rather than ‘to the death’.