9.15.2011

The one that will possibly cause some controversy

(deep breath) Phew... here goes nothin....

I’ve been hush on a certain big topic around here. That being Scott. I think every single one of you has read the story about the chick facebook messaging me and revealing something I never would have imagined. And I was furious, and hurt, and sad, and betrayed and just about every other adjective you could possibly find to describe the situation of discovering you had been cheated on.

And I held my head high, and I walked away. I did. I stormed out that door and didn’t look back.

I leaned on my best friend, my mom and my ex boyfriend for support. Crazy, I know, that Chris became one of the easiest people for me to talk to. Or maybe not that crazy considering he knows me better than nearly anyone else. They all heard my desperate cries trying to figure out this exact question; Can good people just make mistakes? Can they get so caught up in something that it just spirals out of control? Can someone truly just fuck up royally?

I just couldn’t shake the feeling that deep down, that that was not the person Scott was. My mom- who has seen me go through breakups, and especially after watching me struggle with ending things with Chris over no solid reason other than my feelings faded- saw the struggle I was having, and we spent many an hour talking about it. She knew Scott. We had spent plenty of time with my parents, with my family. She struggled with the same question as I did!

Since that day I have been speaking with Scott. Minimal at first, but I needed answers, I needed conversation between us. It’s been anything but easy, some days just seeing his name causes me to break down, but also seeing his face reminds me of all the good times we had together and how much I care for him. Believe me – it hasn’t been easy. Not for him atleast. He’s been put through the ringer multiple times, apologized more than I can count and been making huge strides in fixing things and proving to me that he IS that guy I first fell for… the one that got sidetracked and sucked into something.

I’m not by any means justifying what he did, no way in hell. He did the worst thing a person could possibly do, and he is well aware. A lot of truth has come out in the past few months, both regarding falsities in her story vs his story, the truth about their past, and why he did things the way he did. But I’m choosing not to hash that all out on my public blog.

I could write paragraph after paragraph until my fingers are numb about conversations we’ve had, things that he has done, actions he has taken, but honestly it wouldn’t make any of you understand any easier. All I can say is I truly believe he realizes what a mistake he made, I believe that he truly does care about me and I believe that he truly is trying to make things ‘right’ from this point forward. I really really do think that this is the case of a good person fucking up royally. I’ve been cheated on twice before, I never had this thought process. I’m not saying he’s my Mr. Right and we’re gonna live happily ever after, but I can’t ignore the feeling that our story isn’t supposed to end here. Not now. Not this way.

And you know what… maybe I am dumb, naïve, a wishful thinker, a dreamer whatever you want to call it.

But I know how I am… I know that when I have that feeling deep down in my gut to do something I cannot just ignore it or it will eat me up inside.

And who knows? Maybe I'll decide to give him another chance, to give us another shot and I'll discover that it's not supposed to work out? Maybe my intuition is all wrong again and maybe in 2 weeks, 3 months, 6 months you all can point the finger and say “told you so” but for now it’ s what I need to do. For me, for myself.

(Phew, glad that's all out in the open now...I was scared! I still am scared about it all, but keeping everything inside isn't gonna help me at all, I've learned that the hard way!)

Girl you need to do what you have to do! Don't let anyone make you feel like what you are doing is wrong. If it doesn't work out you know we'll all be here for you! And if it does we'll be cheering you on!

I agree. I'm 100% behind you. Only you can know what the right decision for your relationship will be and no one should judge you for giving him another chance. I do not believe "once a cheater always a cheater" and I believe with my whole heart that people can make honest mistakes.

I hope you find a peace about what you should do and that if you guys are meant to be you will be able to move past this together.

Keep your head up, girl! You're right - you have to do what feels right for you right now. You have to discover on your own whether what you need to do now it actually what is supposed to happen. You'll figure it out, but you have to do it for you and that's what you're doing, so there is no shame in that!

So I had a sneaking suspicion about this, since you were hush hush on it for a while ;) I totally support your decision 100%. You know what is best for YOU, and you know him well enough to believe/trust in what he says. You know all of us wish you nothing but the best, girl!

I'm so proud of you for giving it another chance. It's so hard, but only you can decide the right decisions on a relationship YOU are in. I don't think your story is over yet either, I can't wait to see what the upcoming days, weeks and months hold for you.

Do what's right for YOU. Only you know how you feel, and what you want. I think you're making a very good choice for you....and hey, if it doesn't turn out the way you hoped, i can tell that you are completely strong enough to handle it, and deal with it on your own terms. You go girl, and best wishes!!

I agree with your decision as well. If you feel that things aren't supposed to end, then they aren't. I'm in a similar-ish boat, with a lot of my friends telling me what I "should" be doing, but they're not in my shoes, and it's not their life to make decisions for. I'm doing what feels right and will worry about things later. If people want to say they told you (or me) in the future, then oh well, at least we both gave what could be a shot, instead of just letting it walk away without ever knowing! Good luck, darling, even if nothing else you're obviously getting a good friend out of the deal!XoXo

It's always better to let it out then to hold it in. In the end, you always have to do what is best for you at that time. And what is best for you may not be what would be someone else's best. And that is OK, you know? I'm learning myself that the only way OUT of something is through it. And each of our roadmaps for "through" is going to be unique to each of us. Good luck and you have lots of people rooting for you, that's for sure!

eh. you know i'm the poster child for taking back an ex who cheated (Helllooooo married and pregnant now)... and at the time not every agreed (cough....COUGH) :)

But the important thing is you do what is right for you. No one EVER knows what goes on in a relationship other then the people in the relationship, despite what they might think. and no one should ever try to make decisions for other people.

You know what Chelsea, from everything you had written about Scott prior to Jamaica, he seemed like the best kind of guy. One who went out of his way to make you happy, fix things you had only mentioned in passing, and a guy who was really smitten with you. It was really jaring to hear he has screwed up so bad. How does a guy who looks so good on paper do something like that? I don't think anyone outside your situation can judge what's right or wrong for you to do now. You know your heart, you know Scott best, you are the only one who can make the decision of what's the best for YOU. I'll gladly support you in whatever decision you make, as I do with all of my friends, both in real life and in blog land. Hang in there girl!

I'm going through the same conversation as you right now, weighing what my heart wants and what my mind is saying versus what everyone else says. It's hard, but the bottom line is this.. you do what makes YOU happy. Somedays are easier than others, but in the end if he's that guy for you today than that is the RIGHT place for you to be. Don't let your friends and family and bloggers dictate that for you. 'It's better to love and loose, than never to love at all.'

I am totally behind you on this. You know, my mother always told me to follow my intuition, but to "do my research" before following it. Be aware of all of the ways it could turn out, and how you'd feel if any of those ways happened. Does that make sense? I'm sure it doesn't. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that you've done that. You've given yourself time, thought about things, talked to people, but most importantly, talked to Scott himself. And I think that if your heart is telling you that there could still be something there, the heart don't lie. Follow it!

Girl, you just do you. For reals. You are an amazing person...and I know that from just reading your blogs and tweets. You're fun, gorgeous, smart, fabulous, and in touch with what you want and need in life. You dont take shit, but you also dont act stubborn just to prove a point. I dont have TONS of life experience, but I have enough to know that there are times where I wish I'd just listened to my heart instead of other people. And times I wish I'd listened to other people instead of my heart... haha... But, you know Scott more than any of us do and I say you just rock whatever decision you feel is right! :) Anyone who judges isn't worth the effort.

I'm scared for you, but that's because I don't want you to get hurt. But who am I to judge? My fiance and I broke up numerous times for stupid reasons... and now we're engaged and I couldn't be happier. Sometimes you have to do what YOU have to do, regardless of what others think, feel, or say. You live your life the way you choose.

Wish you two the best... who knows, maybe he is just what you need at just the right time. Pop some bottles with your man and just enjoy each others company. Nothing wrong with getting a piece and living life! It doesn't mean you're getting married, but you're allowed to have fun! And, ya know, if you did end up getting married... then it was meant to be. LOL :)

I know I am a few days behind, but I did read this the day you posted, but the Turk was around and we were headed out for the day, so I didn't have time to respond.

Know that no matter what, I support you 100%. I believe that only you know what is best for you, and no one has the right to judge based on their own reactions to the situation. My only concern will always be your happiness, and if this is the way you will be truly happy, I cheer you on. You are a brave woman to open your heart to someone who has caused you pain, and not many people could do that so soon. A forgiving quality is a beautiful quality, so kudos to you my love.

Remember that we are all here, for better or worse, and will be cheering from the sidelines no matter what.

I have been a bloggy failure lately but I am just now getting around to reading this! Ah made me tear up! Thinking about you girlie and I am praying for you... You are definately wise beyond your years and regardless you are going to make the best possible decision for you, and you alone! That's all that matters. To hell with everybody else!

Oh my gosh girl! My heart breaks for you so much, because I know how difficult it is to deal with a cheater. I had fell head over heels for a cheater long ago (way before my husband), but do know that you can move on. I love love love that quote about forgiveness because it really does take a strong person to forgive! Always remember that only you know what your gut is telling you to do.... don't worry about what others think. <3