Unraveling Myself

A Look Into My Health and Postpartum Issues

Lately, I’ve been so exhausted that I don’t even want to open my eyes, staying in bed for like 15 hours a day, headaches, dizziness, all sorts of sadness floating in and out of my mind.. and I’ve been having terrible nightmares. As you can imagine all of this with seven little kids to babies is really difficult. It’s like I’ve been feeling like I’m completely dead inside, weak and like I’m going to faint all while my husband does everything, for everyone. On the outside – I look completely fine.. (aside from the major bruising.) At first, I was thinking, I must be losing my mind.. how could I feel this way when I have so much good around me? It started to really sink in that… my life was passing me by and I was just “dealing” with problems from my bed instead of doing something about it.

I knew just what to do

I ordered a wellness panel

I’ve done this a few times before and I like doing it because I get the results quickly (within hours) and I don’t need to wait for a phone call where someone treats me like a number and rattles off some information that I’m not even able to retain. I’ll write a full post about ordering labs when I can sit down and make sure that I say everything that I want to about walking this path alone.

Last time, I did a thyroid panel at 6 months postpartum and then another one 6 weeks later to make sure I’m still in range, but this time I just had the inkling that there was something more. Not only did my thyroid levels come back severely underactive, but my blood platelet levels are very low (think a chemo patient, how they are weak, tired and fragile – my doctor even told me to be careful with becoming sick or being injured.) You guys might remember last year, my thyroid was overactive, this time.. it is the exact opposite.

The scary news: The doctors don’t know why my platelet levels are so low, they aren’t easily explained because my other blood levels are normal. So, I’m being referred for more tests and to see a hematologist at the cancer center. I hope for the sake of my little babies and husband that this is something that can be easily controlled, but after reading online a bit… I realize that it could be something serious. So, we’ll see how it goes and hope for the best.

My thyroid: I knew that this would come back bad, I knew that it would show underactive levels because I’ve been having a really hard time losing the baby weight. I had the initial 20-pound drop at delivery, but then after that, I only lost 15lbs on my own. Then, nothing.. I was working out 5 days a week and eating clean but despite that, I am still technically overweight. I do struggle with weight mentally because I don’t like looking at myself knowing that I’m carrying around more than I need. I don’t like the idea of having a harder time chasing the little ones around and I just don’t like the way that it feels, so it’s important to me that I lose the weight safely so that it doesn’t come back. At the doctor they put me on a natural thyroid supplement to try and bring me back to a normal range so I can finally say goodbye to the extra weight, the fatigue should be gone soon, as well as the sad thoughts and anxiety!

I’m choosing to look at this as a blessing in disguise because now, I’m being forced to kick gluten from my diet and to clean up my lifestyle even more than I already have. I know that I’m “broken” but I do feel like if I can make the right choices, I’ll be healthy and happy again, hopefully soon!

In the meantime, spending time with my family is very important because none of us really know how much time we have left. Maybe this is a reality check to take time and life seriously?