I will do it..

Unberable emptyness. I just can't hold on. I can't express myself today but I feel I am in a Limbo, but I am getting closer to follow to the abyss.. This are empty words in a sense, saying that is also so fucking vain.. I can't even suffer properlly, that's how dysfunctional I am.. I am so paralyzed. I want to go Insane. I want a life like something among the line of my dreams, something much more real then this life.. In my dreams I can be myself, in my life I just sleep inside a jail for some kind of a beast.. What could help me really? I want to feel something strong right now, I am fading.. Let me slip into insanity.. I feel almost dizzy now, I fancy the delight it would be that I fainted and woke no more here, but I got nowhere else to be.. I got to woke another soul. I am not special, everyone can die anytime, sometimes all that people we ear on the news dying were the ones who would change the world and shit, but it doesn't matter, just like I don't, it will never happen.. Who could care for me that would make me care for them so that I'd have to care about me and about my surroundings? I don't know if I need love, I don't really know anymore if I know what that is or what it feels like..

Man, I don’t know you, but you seem to be going through some pretty heavy stuff. I’m sorry things have been rough. I don’t really know what to say, but don’t give up. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, there are people who love you I’m sure. I will tell you I used to listen to some AIC when I was in high school. I thought the words to the songs rang true to how I felt and that they somehow understood me. I finally realized that the songs were only making my moods worse and making me sadder. Even if I was having a good day and put in one of their tapes (no CD’s back then), I would find myself getting depressed after a while. I started changing groups – some weren’t much better – and noticed my moods got better and I wasn’t so negative about things. I’m not saying you are negative. I’m just saying maybe the songs are making it worse. Try listening to some Skillet, Red or Thousand Foot Krutch. I love the sound and the words aren’t nearly as depressing. Hope things get better for you.