And thusly I join the legions of people wondering just what the hell Neon Genesis Evangelion is saying. I think I'll get the basic messages upon a second watching. Deeper meanings will have to wait until I get a chance to really sit down and puzzle it out. Some meanings will forever evade me, because I don't care enough to do any extensive research into related subjects or histories which could be potentially helpful.

I really connect with Shinji (with certain exceptions), still.

NGE seems to be one of those shows where you either love it, or you hate it because you don't think it deserves the celebrity (or cult-like?) status it has attained in the anime community. I don't know if I'm a passionate fan of the series, but I do think it deserves a good deal of the accolades that it has received since its release. Watching the final few episodes, I was fairly amazed that this thing was ever broadcast on TV, anywhere. The creators took some definite risks, and I think they have clearly had an impact on anime that came afterwards. This is fact, it cannot be denied. This is also very obvious, but since Sakaki is usually two days late, a step behind, and a dime or two short of popular culture in anything, give her a break.

I have really bad chocobo skills, but for some reason I love them to death anyway. My best chocobo, Mousse, is very outclassed by her own class (her top speed is half of the other C class chocobos ...), but I don't mind too much. I wish I had the luck for a different colored chocobo ... but even though I haven't, I'm oddly fond of going to the farm, feeding all the chocobos, and almost religiously taking them out to ride, for exercise. lol. I keep on hoping that I will find the chocobos I released out in the field someday. "Sour? Sour, is that you?? Omygosh, Sour! You look so much happier than you did when I first caught you!"

Yesterday surprisingly brought up an emotionally exhausting experience for me. It led me to face some of my innermost fears ... why is it I draw this way? Is it because I am afraid? Because I am inadequate? ... led me to face my perfectionism ... it isn't that I haven't realized these things before ... but it was so strange that two simple blind contour drawings started thoughts which drove me to such a point blank, unforgiving encounter ... I don't think I can describe what happened in that time accurately. I did, however, write down all the disjointed thoughts that occurred to me on the drawing itself (since it was right there), and I had to turn it in. ._.

I know Mark (the teacher) won't think it too odd, because I am always prone to writing things on my drawings for class - labels, little notes on what I was doing when this happened, "whimsical" comments or things that amused me. I wonder how closely he reads them?

My drawing for my other class ... I don't know what to do with. Suggestions given were to take the eye out, because it "just wasn't working," and find some way to repeat the circular shape a third time, to give the piece a more balanced harmony. But ... who am I doing this piece for? Is it for myself, like they keep on telling me it should be? Is it for the grade? Is it for others? When I look at it ... I admit the inclusion of the eye in the deformed shell (turning it into a creature I thought was kind of cute) was pure whim, a product of not knowing what the hell else to do with it ... but since it has come to be, I've grown accustomed to it, and I like it being there. I like my creature that began as a shell but is a shell no more. And when I look at my drawing ... I can find at least five circle-shapes, so although I am not doing the vaunted three, I am avoiding the dreaded four "of death."

Rules ... guidelines ... parameters for operation. Do I wish to break them because I have something to express, or because I feel they inconvenience me?

Jean, I've realized that I have a strange collection too, and no matter how often it gets thrown out by someone, sooner or later it starts up again. You know those paint chip strip-things that you can get in home improvement sections or hardware stores ...? I don't pay much attention to the neutrals or the nasty yellow-greenish browns, but I'm always picking up a lot of the other, bright, strong hues. I've got a ton (approximately eighty) on my desk right now. I like the weight of them in my hand, I love all the colors, and you've got to wonder how many hours of thought by someone went into naming some of these. "Paris Green." What about this green evokes Paris? Are the roofs in Paris green? That's not what I would call an "Imperial Yellow," but it's Imperial to someone.

Oh, wait, nevermind. I think "optional use of black and white media" is supposed to say we can use whatever we want as long as it's black and white, not black and white happens to be optional. ._. Back to the drawing board.

I spent around two years buying, watching, re-watching, reserching and interpreting the EVA series and the movies. In the end, I managed to work out what EVERY LITTLE THING meant, the subtexts behind everything, the ways that the tree of Sephiroth related to Shinji's trials as a person, and in the end, I reached this conclusion:"Neon Genesis Evangelion is a pretentious pile of shit."Don't waste your time interpreting it. Don't be stupid like me. :p

*Tiny, insignificant, not-even-spoilers ahead. Just some of the ideas for the scenes in the EoE movie, nothing more than you'd see if you casually browsed screenshots*

Although, some of the scenes in Air (the first part of EoE) were very, very well done; the scene where the JSSDF invaded NERV, for example, was absolutely top-notch, as was watching the HQ turning into a warzone and the techies being forced to take up arms. Asuka's fight against her *cough* 'assailants' in EVA-02 was astounding too, as well as what happened after that... gross, but so wonderfully dramatic.And yes, I KNOW the 'wonderful symbolism' behind Shinji's little fap-fest over Asuka's breasts. But that doesn't stop it from being funny as hell when you're watching the movie with a 19-year-old who gets seriously offended at the mention of the '69 position'.'Purest Heart For You', however, was a truly shameful crock of shit IMO. Whenever I say that, people assume I don't understand it. *sighs* When will they learn that something can be deep as all hell, but that doesn't make it good?