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1983 was Mr. Mom’s Year; 2013 it’s Dad’s

Back in 1983, the cell phone on the left was the norm but so was calling a dad who stays at home a “Mr. Mom.” Looking at the two cell phones in a side by side comparison, we have come pretty far. As cell phones have evolved, so have the roles of fathers in their children’s lives.

Dads are no longer stuck behind desks or in jobs that we really don’t love because we feel we have to. Sometimes, losing our job is the best thing that ever happened to us and we are closer to our kids because of it.

Dads are taking more active roles in raising the children and staying at home. Whether our wives are medical professionals, advancing their degrees or climbing the corporate ladder, one thing is for sure, there are dedicated dads at home helping to make this happen.

I wouldn’t base my knowledge of Australia on what I have seen in Crocodile Dundee so why would I use a reference in a film that is not only dated but also sexist? Fellow blogger Chris Routly, of The Daddy Doctrines wrote on his blog that these stereotypes don’t stop there. Unfortunately, working moms are also feeling the opposite pressure from men referring to working women as “Mrs. Dad.” Why are we so mired in sticking to traditional values that we can’t see that these changing roles are good for our children and working for our families?

My son is proud that his dad comes in to help out at school. He even told me that he wants to be a stay-at-home dad when he has kids. The dads staying at home now are changing the perceptions of what is expected when it comes to staying at home with the kids. We need to rewrite our expectations for a societal norm and accept that the world must evolve with our ever-changing culture or we fail the next generation of parents by pigeonholing them into roles that can and have been reversed. We need to show them that things can change and we can exact that change by being good role models as fathers.

An involved father is always going to be a positive in a child’s life and studies have found that they can have a positive impact on their growth as well. Anne Karpf of The Guardian wrote in her article “Let’s hear it for stay-at-home-fathers” that “There’s no better lesson in egalitarianism than learning that your parents are essentially interchangeable. Children of involved fathers are more cognitively competent at six months, have higher IQs at 3, do better academically, are less likely to be obese or have behavioural problems or suffer depression, are less likely to become pregnant as a teenager, accept themselves more, are more empathetic and less likely to divorce.” Those are all amazing things yet, when we see a dad caring for their kids, we are referred to as “Mr.Mom”.

Other bloggers don’t always agree. They say we are whining and claim that we should “man up”. But, isn’t taking responsibility for our children manning up?

As the husband of a rising corporate star I always knew that staying at home was my destiny. I was a teacher in an elementary school and later a high school. Clearly, I could handle other people’s kids for eight to ten hours of my day but could I do the same for my own children? The answer is a resounding yes, and I know many other dads who are doing the exact same thing all over the country. I knew that I could succeed as a stay at home parent and I chose this job because of my love for my children over everything else. Just because I don’t want to be called “Mr. Mom” doesn’t make me any less of a man. In fact it makes me more of a man trying to stand up against an outdated stereotype. If you would like to help, visit The National At Home Dad Network and join in the pledge to get rid of Mr. Mom. Who wants to be a stereotype anyway? It’s time for the new dad!

Often, most people I meet assume that something has gone awry. How about instead of asking me “Are you giving mommy the day off?” or “Are you babysitting today?” ask instead what we have planned for the day. Treat me like all the other parents at the grocery store. It won’t go unnoticed.

As a stay at home dad for the past four years I can honestly say that I have seen an increasing number of men carting their kids around everywhere. Even if most of them don’t turn out to be stay-at-home-dads, I make it a point to say “Hey, you are doing a great job with your kids.” Some of them give me an odd look, maybe because it is a nice thing to say in Philly, which may be unexpected. But for that one guy out of ten, it may be his first day out with the kids and after a kind word like that he will think “Hey, maybe I got this!” You do, Dads. You got this.

Lots of good came out of 1983. The A-Team TV show made its first debut. Hulk Hogan pinned the Iron Sheik for the WWF title. Michael Jackson’s Thriller album went #1 and stayed there for 37 weeks. Is any of this relevant in today’s society? Not really. It’s in the past and I’m not one for dwelling on the past. Let’s look forward to the future; a future without “Mr. Mom.”

About Chris Bernholdt

Chris Bernholdt was an art educator for ten years and has been a stay at home dad since 2008 when he first started writing his blog called DadNCharge. His focus is to empower dads with the knowledge and creativity it takes to raise children.He is the blog editor for the National At Home Dad Network and his writing has appeared on The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, CNN iReport, and the Life of Dad website as well as TV appearances on The Today Show, Good Morning America, and Fox and Friends. He is also the co-founder of Philly Dads Group a social group for dads. He lives in a suburb of Philadelphia with his three kids and wife, Susie.