Why Don't More Women Negotiate?

Carol Sankar is leadership advisor and founder of The Confidence Factor For Women, as seen on TEDx, SXSW, Forbes, CNN, The Steve Harvey Show

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The act of professional negotiation has a completely different definition for men than for women. For women, negotiation is seen as an improper act of appearing “greedy” or desperate. It is frowned upon by women, who are often intimidated by the act of asking for their worth in business and the workplace.

The same could not be further from the truth for men. In fact, men are encouraged to ask, renegotiate compensation agreements, partnerships and more. It is a highly marketable skill, which is viewed as a key leadership strategy.

Let us revisit why there is a sharp contrast.

I have developed negotiation training, which I deliver to corporations on a monthly basis to help women acquire the skills to demonstrate their value to decision makers. I have presented this material hundreds of times to women in various middle and senior level roles, and there is always at least one woman in the room who will ask the question, “Don’t you think I should wait a few more years before asking for a raise?”

The immediate feeling of doubt and the ability to feel “under-qualified” when it is time to re-evaluate leadership performance and value creates an added level of anxiety for women leaders. According to arecent surveypublished by Glassdoor, "Women negotiated less than their male counterparts. Sixty-eight percent of women accepted the salary they were offered and did not negotiate, a 16-percentage point difference when compared to men (52%)."

In reality, negotiation is the key to closing the pay and value gap in the workplace and business. Women are not encouraged to perceive the value of developing an annual negotiation strategy without feeling penalized and judged. As a result, women will settle for lower compensation agreements and starting salaries.

“Women may not realize that many companies set aside money with the expectation that employees will ask for better compensation packages… Yet only 30% of women bother to negotiate at all, while 46% of men negotiate,” according to Katie Donovan, founder ofEqual Pay Negotiations. These figures add up toalmost $2 million in lost revenueover a lifetime for the average woman seeking to climb the leadership ladder.

From personal experience, as I continue to work with women leaders, the battle between the need to be viewed as a hard worker who is ambitious and trustworthy vs. greedy and selfish are the two factors that weigh into the decision to delay the conversation and focus on the gratification that “one day,” someone is going to walk up to their office and make them an offer. There is an overwhelming feeling that we will be punished for asking, so we simply do not.

Shifting the focus is necessary to make inclusion work for all. Although there are resources and tools to assist women with negotiating, there are unconscious self-biases women feel in the workplace, which fails to support an inclusive corporate culture. In addition, women need to be supported by mentors and advocates to understand that negotiating is not only for compensation, it also opens up dialogue around the advancement of opportunities and responsibilities so we can close the gender gap. Although there are men who are intimated by negotiating as well, they have more unsolicited qualified support to navigate them through the process.

Why aren’t more women asking?

They are simply afraid to ask. We have been nurturing the gratification of “just getting in the door and taking something for now.” It is the way we have been conditioned to sacrifice our value in exchange for public recognition, with the optimism that it will take more time. However, as we discuss factors that will close the gender value gap, the key to fair consideration is negotiating.

Here is how to start the conversation:

1. Create or join an Employee Resource Group(s). It is the best way to connect with other women, who may have similar experiences within your company/organizations while inviting experts to educate your group on options and solutions. ERG's provide several constructive educational sessions and mentoring opportunities as well.

2. You may be rejected the first time you ask.Employers are always thinking about the budget, hence they may not honor your request the first time. Do not take the rejection personally, it is a factor of timing. However, you must remain optimistic and improve your argument.

3. Negotiate for more than just money. Ask for new roles and responsibilities to utilize your skills. Sometimes, the key to an increase in compensation and consideration is by negotiating to take initiative to lead a department/project, which will substantiate your argument.

4. Always know your unique value proposition (UVP). Your UVP defines the replacement value of your professional contributions to the collective of the corporate culture. Discuss why you are an invaluable asset and leader, not just an employee.

Negotiating is a necessary skill that will close the gender gap. Women have numerous resources that continue to remain under-utilized but can assist with eliminating the stigma of asking. The pay gap widens with age, and if women are not encouraged and supported to ask for more, the gender gap will be more difficult to close while women continue to seek gender equity in leadership.

Carol Sankar is a leadership advisor & founder of the Confidence Factor for Women, as seen on TEDx, SXSW, Forbes, CNN, The Steve Harvey Show.