Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

Karen's notes: Just before we went to sleep last night, we watched an extreme fishing show* in which they accidentally caught a HUGE snapping turtle. It was a 200-pounder, so I'm not sure about the feasibility of carrying it around in a satchel. Don't worry, the turtle escaped unscathed.

* We watch these TV shows when Adam's son is here, because he is obsessed with fishing. I was amazed to discover that there are, like, at least FIVE such programs.

As for the last one, Adam woke himself up with his final directive. We really hope the kids didn't hear.

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Later, Adam started making the following noise. I can tell you exactly what this is. When we were at the sanctuary in Ecuador, a 5-week-old baby otter was dropped off, and the sanctuary asked Adam and me to care for him. We bottle fed him every four hours, snuggled him, worked on his walking, got up with him through the night. The sanctuary named him Adam. I found this disconcerting, so to us he is Addy.

Addy had the most incredible range of squeaks, chirps, and sighs. When we was especially contented, cuddled up on Adam's chest, for example, or snuggled under my chin, he would make the noise that Adam is making in this recording:

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"It'll be less painful to put my tongue through a cheese grater and lap up vinegar with the remnants that's left in my mouth, than to accept a dinner date with you. I think you can take that as a 'no'. Bye bye."

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This one may also have been inspired by our house guest, who happens to be a professor of philosophy at an impressive university in the States. Of course, that would be a loose inspiration, as this person does not have a penis to go along with her notable breasts.

Adam said this a couple of nights ago. Now, I can't say for sure that it was inspired by real events, but I can say that we have had a special house guest from the States all week, and that her breasts, while not obnoxious, are certainly notable.

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Adam and I shared a house with two french people, with whom we had a lovely time. I do believe that STM was expressing his special affection for Jeremie, who actually heard him say this through the wall.

"Did you close the door? I mean, did you close the door, did you lock it? I swear there's a ginger in the hallway. They wouldn't get in if I close the door. Give me the broom, I'll have to get him out now. Shoo! Nasty ginger."

Yeah, I can explain what inspired this one. First of all, keep in mind that in the UK, "ginger" = redhead. So, we had to make sure we kept the doors to our house closed and locked at all times, to keep out the monkeys. Lisa, a spider monkey with a shock of orange hair above her forehead, was the most persistent and cunning in her attempts to sneak in. She would actually tuck herself above the front door and wait there quietly. Then, when we opened the door, she'd swing herself in above our heads.

In the first picture, Lisa is enjoying a stolen mango on our porch, having just been chased out by Adam and Jeremie. I wasn't there, but I'm told that when she got in, Adam took a full cup of water and threw it in her face. Apparently she just blinked a few times and looked at him, like, "Um, why did you DO that?"

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Those brown monkeys in the pictures for the past couple of days, the English name of that species is Woolly Monkeys. They are the most social of the five species at the sanctuary, and often seek affection from humans. It seems STM believes the name was an inappropriate choice. Here are some more pics of woolly monkeys:

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WEDNESDAY REWIND: Monkeys Monkeys Monkeys!

Since I'm filling the week with quotes from the monkey sanctuary, it seemed fitting that I stick with the theme for today's rewind. I've only just realized how prevalent monkeys have always been in STM's repertoire. This isn't even all of them!

"Bring it on, King Kong. I'll kick your monkey ass right back to the jungle."

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Definitely inspired by real events. We spent our mornings preparing food for the monkeys, chopping up mango, papaya, melon, pineapple, lettuce, broccoli, and corn. Adam's least favorite job was peeling and slicing papaya. I didn't realize he had such respect for the papaya.

"Oh, it's time I got a tail. Yeah, a real strong one. No, not for climbing, so I can wrap it around your neck and squeeze the living shit out of you. Maybe then I'll go climbing."

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We're back! Our holiday working at the monkey sanctuary was amazing, and turned out to be a fabulous inspiration for Sleep Talkin' Man. At least half of what Adam said in his sleep was directly related to what he was experiencing during his waking hours. I'll be sharing it with you guys over the next few days.

STM is clearly talking about my very favorite monkey, Etsa. Poor little Etsa was deprived of sunlight, so his bones never grew. Note his funny little arms. Those, along with his very special waddle-hop method of locomotion, have earned him the nicknames "Pinguino" and "Floppy". Etsa is also a bit, umm, simple, and wants nothing more than to snuggle up and gnaw on your face all day. Here he is:

If anyone wants to see more pictures, I've put an album on the Facebook fan page.

"So I can't swim. And I can't climb like you. Okay? But I can make fire, and that's you fucked for a start. Fuck off back to the jungle. Jungle pussy! Wah wah wah."

This was immediately followed by Adam waking himself up in the usual way. The beauty of this reveal is the giggling you can hear in the background from our fellow volunteer and next-room neighbor, Jeremie, who had heard absolutely every word:

Oh, I didn't, did I? Oh, whenever we go away now, we should rent a sound-proof box. Because this is just too much. I can handle you giggling next to me, but to have someone giggling in the next room... It makes me a little bit self-conscious. Note to STM: Be a little bit more quiet, please, and considerate of others. Plus the fact that, you're making me embarrassed.

KAREN:

You're thinking that STM's at all concerned with being considerate of others?

ADAM:

If he doesn't want me to have some kind of nervous or social breakdown, he'd better be.

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"Goddammit! Where's my bazooka? I put it on the ground, expecting it to be there when I come back. Have you been tidying up again, 'cause, I really would like my bazooka back. I don't know where you put things. Jesus! Cannot just leave anything alone, can you?"

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"Right. I've had enough. I'm splitting you two up. You over there and you are going all the way over there. I tell you, you've got to be really fucking quick and hard on these chinchillas. Take no prisoners."