SHAKESPEARE QUARTO UNEARTHED IN BINARY FORM

Internet Production of "Hamnet - Prince of the Danes"

debuts to delight international audience.

by

The Critic

OldBear@world.std.com

Cyberspace - Feb 5. Much to the delight of a small audience of
devoted internet relay chat affecionados and wannabee theatre goers, the
world premier of Hamnet opened to audience acclaim at 20:25 hrs
universal time on channel #hamnet this afternoon.

The delayed curtain was a result of a number of opening night
snafus including a leading lady who had not retreived her script from
email, a rowdy bunch of understudies, and a last minute debate over the
merits (or folly) of having the entire cast on the same irc server.

The script, an abridgement of the original shakespearian quarto was
rumored to have been recently unearthed on a mass storage device located
somewhere on the internet. Thankfully, it was brought to the attention
of producer sirrah@cg57.esnet.com (El_Ingles) prior to its being
authenticated and submitted for auction at Christie's.

Although the reaction of the audience remained inaudible due to
limitations of the irc medium, the entire channel virtually was filled
with applause (or filled with virtual applause) as the curtain finally
rose on the magnificent set designed by jimvs@cg57.esnet.com (Zendar).
This critic immediately was taken by the banners at the tops of each
romantic elsenorian tower, athough the effect might have been better if
the ushers had restrained a boorish late-comer from dashing to his seat
at this theatrically crucial moment.

The play itself held true to the original Shakespearean Unix, with
few changes to the text to accommodate contemporary audience members
less acquainted with this classic operating system. A small pratfall
during the entrance of hamlet himself, in line nine (which was repeated
six times) of the numerated script, did little damage to the mood of the
performance. Nor was the audience disturbed following line 15 when the
prompter executed a modem dialing command in full view.

The audience, however, was mystified by the appearance of a bot,
identified only as Duck9, who kicked hamlet of the channel just prior to
line 51. This reviewer later learned that the mysterious bot was a
misguided personal friend of accomplished shakespearean actors
bsd@lonestar.utsa.edu (Longy) and bradley@andromeda.rutgers.edu (RokinDuck),
who, in the roles of Polonius and the King, respectively, had been played
out a scene which called for the King being kicked of the channel by Hamlet.
The bot, springing to the actors' aid, jumped upon the stage and
unceremonioulsy booted Hamlet, played by the surprised Ian Taylor, in his
guest appearance from the Royal Shakespeare Company.

In the concluding gruesome finale, the queen, played by
lorenz@olymp.wu-wein.ac.at (Fingwe), consumed the tainted Danish vodka
prepared by Hamlet in his chemistry class, and despite of having ops,
dies in agony. And, in a cameo role as atand-in for Laertes, producer
El_Ingles delivers a memorable death cry which revirberates throughout
the channel. When Hamlet dies of overacting in line 71, all that
remains is for Fortinbras, played by the ubiquitous
bradley@andromeda.rutgers.edu (RokinDuck), to return to Elsinor amidst
drums and colors.

As the final curtain fell on Butthead, who somehow managed to
enter the production via an anonymous irc server in Taiwan, the audience
rose to its feet, shouting Bravo!

Following the performance, this critic was treated to a backstage
tour of the virtual theatre where he had the opportunity to meet several
of the cast members. To put to rest once and for all rumors of illicit
drug use, this reviewer can vouch for the fact that vgrey@apm-
b337-7.ucsd.edu (Valerie), who had delivered a stellar performance as
Ophelia, appeared both sober and coherenent, dressed in grey slacks and
a modest blouse. (However, her changing out of her costume on stage did
not go unnoticed by either the other members of the cast and crew or,
indeed, by this critic.)

In an exclusive interview, absgh@midge.bath.ac.uk (Gazza) noted that
while audiences have commonly paid little attention to the essential
supporting characters in Hamlet, his unique and masterful development of
the his role was bound to mark a new standard for the Shakepearean stage.
Unfortunately, this critic cannot recall whether he was cast as Rosenkranz
or Guilderstern, but rest asured that he was indeed outstanding.

All and all, I found the production refreshing and surprisingly
complelling inspite of occasional lapses in the actors' delivery of
their lines in Elizabethan ASCII. The identities of many of the players
appeared to change frequently during the performance, giving an other-
worldly quality to this theatrical classic.

In an off-the-record statement, one member of the company suggested
that the cast may reconvene for a production of something by Samuel
Beckett or Sam Shepard. Given complimentary tickets, I can assure you
that this reviewer would make a reasonable effort to attend.