Just because someone would like to love and appreciate themselves, it doesn’t mean that one finds this easy or even possible to do. But, this love is not an adaption and what appears when one doesn’t love themselves. Here, something known as unhealthy narcissism can appear; with one having an exaggerated sense of importance. And while this can be perceived as a form of love, it is nothing more than a cover up for how they really feel on the inside. And if one doesn’t go to this extreme when it comes to certain areas of their life, they can just behave in ways that show their internal image. So they won’t be seen as acting superior or more than others, they will come across as being inferior and less than others. It is also possible for the person who feels superior, as well as the person who feels inferior, to fluctuate form one position to the other. In one context they could feel above others and in another, they could feel very low. As can someone who feels very low a lot of the time could find themselves feeling good about themselves in some situations.Self love So when it comes to self love, it is not about one having a heightened sense of self or a lower sense of who they are. What is does relate to is one appreciating and valuing who they are and ultimately being comfortable in their own skin. Here, one feels comfortable in their body and knows that it is safe to be who they are. This is all about the body and has very little to do with the mind. To live in the mind, is to live an unstable existence. The mind is always operating from a place of duality. So to feel inferior or superior is normal if one is stuck in their head. What can cause someone to live in their head and to leave their body is when pain has built up in the body. It then feels safer to live this way and to reject the body. And while it might feel safer, it is also a lot less stable and unlikely to be too peaceful.Conflict When someone doesn’t feel comfortable in their body and lives in their head, it is clear that some kind of conflict is taking place. This could be what one has picked up in their adult years and go back to what is still hanging on from their childhood years. And as this is the case, one is unable to settle into their body and feel at ease with who they are. What is going on is that one is getting caught up in what doesn’t belong inside them. This means that one’s thoughts, feelings and emotions are not in alignment with ones true nature and they are being influenced by what could be described as parasites that shouldn’t even be there.The Mind One approach is to simply deal with the mind and the thoughts and ideas that it produces. Here, the focus is on one changing their thoughts and seeing themselves differently. And through this process, one will start to ‘believe’ in who they are. As a common belief is that one’s thoughts create their feelings and emotions, by changing their thoughts, they will change everything else. The outlook here is that something needs to be added in order for one to appreciate who they are. Human beings are then seen as nothing more than programmable machines and as this is the case, they can be programmed to believe anything. Based on this, it is the programming that needs to be changed to another type of programming, in order for someone to feel comfortable with themselves. And as the mind can believe or disbelieve anything, this makes a lot of sense.The Body However, while the body is often just seen as a lump of meat and as something that is completely controlled by the brain in one’s head, there is a lot more to it. The body has wisdom of its own and this is often overlooked. What is going on in one’s mind, is often nothing more than a reflection of what is going on in their body. But this vital information and wisdom is not going to see the light of day if one has rejected their body.Thoughts So one can have thoughts that cause them to feel uncomfortable in their own skin and these could be classed as the reasons they feel as they do. If one connects to their body, they will notice feelings and these feelings cause the mind to think in certain ways. These feelings can include: shame, guilt, emptiness, worthlessness, hopelessness, powerlessness, fear, rejection, abandonment and suicidal feelings. By feeling shame, the mind will construct certain thoughts that correspond with shame. These could be: that one is useless; that they don’t deserve anything; that other people look down on them and that other people want to humiliate them, amongst other such thoughts.Just Love Yourself It is common for one to say to another that they should just love themselves or that they need to love who they are. And this can sound so simple and easy that it can make the other person feel useless for not loving themselves in the first place. But clearly, it is not as easy as this and can require some serious work on oneself. One could change their thoughts and just deal with the mind. Or they could place their attention on the body. It is likely that they are carrying trapped feelings and emotions. And these are causing them to think in certain ways and stopping them from feeling at ease in their body. When these are released, it will enable one to get back into their body and to feel safe there. Their body, heart and mind can then work together, as opposed to being against each other.Awareness It is then not a case of adding anything in order for one to love themselves; what it is really about is letting go of what doesn’t belong in one’s body. These trapped feelings and emotions in one’s body will need to be faced and released. As this takes place, one will start to feel comfortable in their body and their mind will also begin to settle down. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or healer who allows one to face them and gradually release them.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

thank you for your kind words. I'm pleased to hear it has made a difference. If there is anything else I can do, don't hesitate to get in touch.

Oliver

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Sarah Mutombo

5/7/2014 09:32:57 am

Wow.
This is just wow, it's left me speechless.
Thank you so much for writing this article, it's helped me to understand many things that would frustrate me and make me just neglect it once and for all.

It is true that shedding illusions or letting go is the way to go as opposed to making more fantasies or masks to hide behind. Even if they are comforting its irrational at best.

I let go of the video games I (my inner child) was holding onto. I had wonderful memories with them and felt sad when I let them go! At the age of 32, I can finally manage to keep my room tidy. Strange how those two were linked together??? Holding on really can become toxic.

thank you for your feedback. I'm pleased to hear that it has assisted you.

All the best,

Oliver

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Greg lamb

3/7/2017 08:58:52 am

Your article resonated with my soul, I saved your article for my mother and others to read so that they might have a better understanding of my life's struggle, I have been hurt by so many people, most significantly my mother who is a castrating narcissist, who cut my Dad down at every turn.
She sexually humiliated me at age 14! I've been struggling with suicidal feelings, due to the inability to have a meaningful long term relationship with a woman, at age 56. It should be said that I have seen a few psychologists they have not helped me. I believe that I may have a mild case of Aspergers!