(Closed) Someone Invited Themselves..What to do?!

I was talking to a friend of ours and he was asking if we had set a wedding date to which I replied yes. He then said, oh good I’ll get that in my calendar now so I don’t schedule anything – assuming we’re invited, right?! He was even joking about being invited as in, we’re obviously invited. Um…. I didn’t know what else to say so I said, oh, yeah. We were in a room with a bunch of other people listening to our conversation too – sooooo awkward! Needless to say we were not going to invite this guy and his wife. He’s a friend, but not someone close enough to invite…what do I do now? Am I obligated to invite him?

You are however, obligated to let them know as soon as possible that you were caught off guard and didn’t want to embarass him in public , thus your response, and that you wil not be able to extend an invitation.

Don’t give a reason. Instead of taking no for an answer, some people will try to get around the reason if you give one.

@FutureMrsBPJ: …you don’t do anything….when he doesn’t receive an invitation it will take care of itself.

I would also like to quantify this with a little food for thought:

When you’re talking to a person that’s engaged or planning a wedding, sooner or later the conversation will always go there, and as someone talking to a bride, there’s this razor thin edge between being an interested party, and being a disinterested asshole….because if you are indifferent to the subject, you might hurt their feelings about it…so you try to walk the line between interested and inviting yourself…I mean, they’re talking to you about it, so that’s kind of a natural assumption, right? But if you’re like, “getting married huh? Neat…well, catch’a later.” That’s not much better.

So it might have just been a situation where there was no other way to say something about you’re impending nuptuals…trust me, outside of close family and friends, no one runs home every day hoping to see a wedding invitation in their mailbox

@FutureMrsBPJ: I don’t thikn you can really uninvite him now. But if you do, the right thing to do is let him know that sorry unfortunately you won’t be able to acommodate him. In the future, when people say things like that to you just say you haven’t gotten the budget and guest list all worked out yet. I had a few rude friends ask if they were invited and I used this line when there were people who were on the fence/not invited.

@Nona99: Good point! This exchange was particularly awkward because I didn’t even bring it up. I do try not to talk much about plans or details around people I won’t be inviting – especially at work. I think it’s a good rule of thumb if you are sharing all the detials with someone, you should expect to invite them.

I don’t think that awkwardly saying “uh yeah” in a caught off guard moment obligates you whatsoever to invite someone to YOUR event. I would either pull him aside, shoot an email, text, what have you. And say I’m really sorry, I was caught off guard the other day and I wasn’t sure what to say, but we have already made our guest list and unfortunately we are at our max right now. etc etc value friendship, want to get together sometime soon, blah blah blah

@FutureMrsBPJ: Nope, you’re good. If your wedding date is accurate on your profile, you have a while to go. Lots of things change during wedding planning, and most people understand that. If he mentions is again later, just apologize and say that the guest list grew with inviting just close family, so you aren’t able to have all the other friends you initially wanted. If he’s a real friend, he’ll understand.

I’ve had the same friend do this to me twice >.< I mean she was on my preliminary list, but she doesn’t know that, she didn’t even ask! She just put our date in her phone, and then didn’t believe me that she already had it in her phone the second time she did it. The second time she was also trying to pressure me into picking her as a bride’s maid…that one I managed to weasel out of gracefully.

I wouldn’t worry about it. When it gets close to your wedding, if he asks where his invitation is, just explain that you ended up only being able to invite family and old family friends or something like that. “Oh, we wish we could have invited more people, but it just got to be too much for us, but thanks for your good wishes!”

Seriously, this guy is a jerk for inviting himself, and you are NOT a jerk for NOT inviting him. Don’t worry, you have time to back out of this gracefully. 🙂

@FutureMrsBPJ: I don’t tell people our actual wedding date unless we plan to invite them. If they ask for a specific date and I don’t plan on inviting them my stock response is that we’re have a very intimate wedding with family because we’re on a tight budget. That usually shuts them up. If they were to inquire past that I would point blank tell them that while I appreciate the sentiment and while we would love to have everyone we know attend, it’s unlikely we will be able to include everyone due to the location size and budget.