Mike Tirico with the worst Monday Night Football game pitch ever

The current Monday Night Football game is a snooze fest as the San Francisco 49ers and their new starting quarterback that will be replacing Alex Smith for good backup quarterback are smoking the Bears like Miguel Angel Jiminez sucks down heaters on the course. Midway through the second half ESPN announcer Mike Tirico gives what is possibly the worst sell of an upcoming game in the history of sports. Take a watch.

I know from the Google Analytics numbers that most of you have the attention span of a peanut and won’t click play on the video even if I PUT IT IN ALL CAPS AND TELL YOU THAT HE REALLY DOES CRAP ON THEM LIKE THEY ARE THE SPAWN OF A MARK SANCHEZ INTERCEPTION AND WEST VIRGINIA’S DEFENSE. Nope. That won’t be enough. So for those of you who just skipped the first part of what to do and went directly to here here’s the text of what Mike Tirico said:

“(inaudible but he says “Hope you have a good”) …Thanksgiving weekend. The Panthers and Eagles won’t, they’ve been terrible this year. But we’ll see them on Monday Night. 8:30 eastern. See if Cam Newton can get going. The Panthers have found ways to lose close games throughout and the Eagles all banged up don’t know if we’ll see Vick or Foles. DeSean Jackson Jeremy Maclin try and make something happen next Monday Night. 8:30 eastern. ”

Holy crap Mike Tirico. The last person that I know of that actually cared less about a game was DeSean Jackson all of last season. You have taken the art of a sales pitch and taken a big steaming dump on it. The only things that could possibly be thought of as positives in your pitch are the phrases “Thanksgiving weekend” and “See if Cam Newton can get going”. I’m actually a bit offended that you’d try and use the awesomeness of Thanksgiving to try and get me to like Cam Newton’s performance this year. His performance is nothing like stuffing.

On the flip side you were so kind to point out to everyone that “the Panthers and Eagles won’t have a good Thanksgiving”, “that they’ve both been terrible this year”, “the Panthers have found ways to lose close games”, and “the Eagles are all banged up and we don’t know which dumpster fire of a quarterback we’ll all have to suffer through watching as we try and dig ourselves out of the 2-5 hole that we dug ourselves gambling on Sunday”. Then, as if it’s a selling point, you say “Desean Jackson Jeremy Maclin (no comma in there) try and make something happen…”. Combined catches for Maclin and Jackson last Sunday. Two. Combined yards. Nine. Fantasy points in a standard non PPR fantasy league that only uses whole numbers. Zero.

Who’s ready for some football!!!

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