drunken watermelon on tap

I know what you’re thinking: "What if I attached a faucet to a watermelon and filled it with spiked watermelon juice so party guests could serve themselves right from the melon?" Well, my husband finally turned that dream into a reality.

After testing three different types of faucets and spending the entire afternoon of our housewarming party creating his masterpiece — only to have it clog just hours before guests arrived, resulting in a mad dash to Home Depot and the supermarket so he could do it all over again — he’s now perfected the model so all you have to do is build it. Want to impress guests with a DIY watermelon keg of your own?

Read on to find out how…

What you’ll need: • 10-pound seedless watermelon • Sharp knife• Big spoon• Big bowl• Drill with a 1/2-inch drill bit• 3/4-inch ball-valve faucet with a handle that’s easy to turn with one hand • PVC-to-faucet adapter that will screw into the back of the faucet• Rubber O-ring that fits the back of the faucet• Blender• Sieve• Pitcher• 1 1/2 cups rum• 4 limes• About 90 minutes of your time

1. If your watermelon is wobbly when standing on one end, use a knife to trim off the stem end of your watermelon rind just enough that the melon sits flat. Then decide which side of your melon looks best — that’ll be your front. Cut the top jack-o’-lantern style, big enough to fit your hand through, but center the cut more toward the back of the melon so you can’t see the seam from the front.

2. Use a big spoon to scoop out the fruit into a large bowl. Eat some of the watermelon as you’re scooping it out to make sure it doesn’t poison your guests. Pour any juice in the bottom of the melon into your pitcher.

3. Drill a hole a few inches from the bottom of the melon for your faucet. Then use a knife to slightly widen the hole till it’s just a little smaller than the diameter of the back of the faucet.

4. Gently screw the faucet into the hole, putting your other hand inside the melon for leverage. Don’t jam it in or you’ll bruise the outside of the rind and compromise your seal. Inside the melon, carve away a little more fruit from around the back of the faucet (don’t go through the rind) to make room for screwing on the adapter.

5. Slide the O-ring onto the back of the faucet, then screw on the adapter. To test for leaks, fill the melon halfway with water, then turn on the faucet. Once you’ve confirmed that your watermelon is indeed operational, pour out the water through the top.

6. Reserve some watermelon to eat tomorrow for breakfast, then throw the rest into a blender and puree. Use the back of a spoon to push the puree through a sieve placed over your pitcher so you’re left with just juice. Discard any solids. You should have about 6 cups of juice. Mix the juice with 1 1/2 cups of rum and 1/2 cup of fresh lime juice (about four limes’ worth).

7. Pour the mixture back into the watermelon. Put the top back on the melon and set it on the edge of a counter or table to serve.

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