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If Dany is not Rhaella's daughter, then Rhaella most likely died giving birth to a child who was later swapped for Dany. A swap of existing babies could have been accomplished with relatively few witnesses, but even if Rhaella lived in relative seclusion there would be plenty of people - maids, ladies in waiting, presumably a maester - who would know if she was pregnant or not, and it's very unlikely they'd all be in on a fake. If a newborn Targaryen princess suddenly turned up from nowhere everyone would be asking questions, so since no one in setting has the slightest doubt of Dany's identity, her mother's pregnancy must have been a well-established fact.

We don't have any sort of hard and fast rules, here; it's mostly extrapolation and guesswork.
As TMIFairy said, the main issue with Genna/Emmon is that he's a younger son, while she's the only daughter of the Lord of Casterly Rock. She could have made a much better match, either with another paramount family or with the heir of a lesser house. If Emmon had been the heir it would have been a lot more acceptable, although there might still be some sneering at the Freys being a 'recently' noble house. And a marriage between a Frey and a Lannister distant cousin would have been unremarkable.
In the case of Ned/Ashara, it wouldn't have been an improper match. Both houses are very old and prestigious, and the Starks are Lords of the North, so even a younger son is a reasonable catch. They could expect to be well supported at Winterfell or given another Northern castle. However, pragmatically, the Daynes may not have seen all that much value in having a marriage ally living that far away, and might have gone for a less prestigious but more immediately useful alliance with a nearby family. Not knowing anything about the Lord/Lady Dayne who was ruling at the time, we can't say what they would have chosen.

The thread has moved on a bit since my last post, but I don't see this point specifically addressed:
Several people have replied to me saying 'the Starks' will never support a Targaryen. But right now there is no 'the Starks.' There's Sansa, Arya, Bran, Rickon and possibly Jon, none of whom have seen each other or either of their parents in a long time, and none of whom are actually claiming any sort of authority over the North right now. Looking at them individually, I'm pretty sure Arya would leap at the chance to team up with anyone planning to bring blood and fire to the Lannisters... although it's a pity that pretty much all of their mutual enemies are or will be dead before either of them get back to King's Landing. I'm also pretty sure that Arya, Sansa and Bran in his current state would be very amenable to any deal that involves returning the siblings to Winterfell and reuniting them with each other. If Bran goes full-blown time-travelling tree god as some people have suggested, who knows.
Rickon's a little boy who has never had a POV. We have no idea what he thinks. But if he re-enters the narrative, it will very probably be as the figurehead of some pro-Northern faction, in which case, depends on what deals they're willing to make.
Jon is harder, since there are a lot of potential confusing factors such as his probable parentage and whether he knows about it, whether her dragons show any interest in him, his Night's Watch vows, his pre-existing loyalty to Stannis and his current possible state of being dead. But I definitely wouldn't rule out some kind of deal between him and Dany, especially if that deal involves setting fire to Others.
In all these cases, I'm assuming that the Stark in question encounters Dany under circumstances amenable to diplomacy and that she has something to offer them. If not then obviously there isn't going to be any deal.

I would assess my potential brides as follows:
-The Costayne heiress is an enormous prize, since our children will end up inheriting both keeps and lands, and in the meantime her father will be my loyal ally since he has no sons and I stand as a son to him.
-Lord Grimm is either ill-tempered by nature or deliberately annoying me, and further is trying to bully me into paying a debt that doesn't in fact exist. He's not the sort of father-in-law I want to deal with. Besides, his daughter is too young to marry, and I need to produce an heir soon.
-I sympathise with Lord Ball, but I can't afford to pay his debts for him.
-If Lord Fossoway is a man of honour I'll gladly accept his friendship, but even if my sister is wrong about the lady's disposition, he's not offering me anything to compete with an heiress.
-Lord Florent's sister is the only other one I might consider. Her age isn't important as she has plenty more childbearing years left, and Lord Florent is a very valuable ally. But ultimately, that second lordship is just too tempting.
So, I betroth myself to the future Lady Costayne and ask her father to allow the wedding to take place at once. I assume she already has a maid to see to her needs, but if not I arrange for one as well as a man-at-arms to be her personal guard and guide around her new home. This is a feudal society, labour is cheap.
My sister's marriage is trickier. Lord Ball's heir is off the table since I declined his daughter. Lord Gracefield's offer is tempting, but I won't press my mother to wed; I'll ask her if she's interested, since for all I know she'd be happy to have her own establishment to run now I'm married, and I imagine Lord Gracefield will be bothering his servant girls rather than her. If she agrees, the double wedding can take place once Dora comes of age, giving my wife plenty of time to learn from my mother and adjust to running my household.
If she disagrees, I'll have a chat with Lord Florent. If he's so interested in marrying off his cousin, perhaps he'll be willing to sweeten the pot with some lands and income, or a good position for the young man. If he doesn't come up with a good enough offer, there's no rush; Dora's still young and I can wait for other suitors to show up.
I attend the tourney with my family, but don't compete. I've just made myself a very fine marriage, so I don't need to show off, but it's a good chance for Dora. If anyone asks why I'm not competing, I swore a sacred oath to my grieving mother, and how can I break that and call myself a man of honour?

But it's old bad blood. The Targaryens didn't do anything to anyone the current Starks actually knew. Aerys is pretty much a storybook villain to them. The Lannisters on the other hand have very directly and personally earned their enmity, so if circumstances fall out such that siding with Dany is their best shot at revenge and/or regaining their status, I'm pretty sure they'd go for it.
(And, as others have noted, Aegon's no better than Dany from a we-hate-Targaryens perspective.)

I wouldn't rule these three out. All of them have been heavily worn down to the point where there are no members left who actually participated in Robert's Rebellion. Edmure Tully could easily decide to side with Dany if circumstances make her look like the best bet at the time. Robert Arryn is a little boy and will side with whoever his guardians at the time decide he should side with. (And whatever's going on between Littlefinger and Varys, Varys is pro-Aegon, not pro-Dany.) The Starks are currently entirely powerless, but if one announces him/herself and gets enough support to make a difference, they'll be in pretty much the same position as Edmure. They might be wary about Dany because of what they've heard about her father, but there's no actual personal enmity there.

In regard to the language issue, there are actually many cultures and languages that use the same word for colours we consider different (typically, green and blue, or blue, black and purple). It doesn't mean they can't tell the difference, or can't specify the exact shade if they need to, any more than English speakers can't tell the difference between light blue and dark blue because we call them both blue. High Valyrian apparently doesn't differentiate between purple and grey, which is interesting but not very relevant to a book written in English. At best, it's a private joke on the part of whoever created the language.

They couldn't have disliked them all that much, since Aegon I made a Celtigar his first master of coin.
The Celtigars might not have been particularly wealthy or influential (they're rich now, but that could be more recent) or they might have intermarried with non-Valyrian houses on the mainland, making them less attractive marriage partners than the Velaryons.

King Matthos has been a good ruler, and may recover at least partially from his current weakness. Even if not, a regency can be established for his eldest son, with such stalwart men as Lord Tully, Lord Piper, Lord Vance and (ahem) myself. A rebellion to replace him with an uneducated and aggressive half-brother can hardly be justified.
Ser Tytos earned his boon, but perhaps this can be arranged in a more convenient fashion; I propose that he should instead marry Lady Smallwood, giving him a wife and a lordship (albeit one he may have to fight for) and her a husband and veteran warrior to command her men-at-arms. Since their children will be Smallwoods, his low birth is of less importance than if he were to marry Sayna, and I get another ally.
If Ser Tytos and Lady Smallwood agree to this, Sayna marries Lord Tully's heir, and Mingol marries Ser Urgan's daughter (honour demands; and besides, cementing the loyalty of one's vassals never hurts). Celandine and Purwyn are far too young to wed yet, but I'll keep an eye out for possible candidates (the eldest prince is six? Not much of an age difference in ten years or so.)
As for Cedric, if no one comes complaining, well, no one needs to know. If Ser Roger's family become suspicious I defend him as far as I can (my allies will surely back me up), and help him run if the position becomes impossible.
Regarding this younger sister of the King, is the lady unmarried? I am, after all, a widower of excellent lineage and good connections...