(Closed) parents havent spoken since I was 9….now what?

Hi there, life is so interesting if it aint one thing its another. I recently got proposed to and I am now dreading the one thing Ive dreaded my whole life and that is do you invite both parents to your wedding. My parents are Persian which means they dont handle dysfunction functionally. They got divorced and never spoke to each other ever since, I was 9 at the time. My sister got married never invtied him and I am the glue, I guess and I think I should invite him but he wasnt in my life at all as a child and here as an adult I feel like yelling at them all for not handeling their divorce correctly. They are so selfish and I suffered alot as a result of their divorce and decisions, and I am done being the innocent victim.

Ive never been in the same room at them at once, and if fact we were taught to fear him. How can what is to be the most important day in my life, possibly also be the most frightening. I am afraid of them taking the attention of what is important on that day, in fact it sounds like a night mare. I havent told my father that I am engaged for I dont feel that he is so close to me, but he calls all the time. Im in my thirties, they are in their sixties, yet they never grew up.

Besides telling me to elope, what do I do???

How do you deal with selfish parents who destroyed your childhood by bad decisions, how do you stop it from going forward without being a complete bitch???????

I am not Persian and so don’t know any of the cultural nuances at play here, but why not invite both of them and be sure that they are both seated far away from each other? You can let each of them know that the other may be attending and leave it up to them what they decide to do. Maybe aunts and uncles who are more level headed can be in charge of making sure nothing gets out of hand?

Perhaps try talking to them and seeing if they can be reasonable? Like, they don’t have to talk to each other, they don’t even have to sit anywehere near each other, but you’d like them both be there whatdoyousay?

I would talk to each of them, tell them that you wish for them to be there (if you do), and that they must behave if they want to be invited. Then do a few test runs before the big day, and have your bridal party help keep them separate. Hopefully they can get over themselves for a few days for your wedding