Lisa Mason in the Morning

LMN 7-14-14 The Pope Cup!

by Lisa Masonposted Jul 14 2014 7:56AM

Today is "Bastille Day," honoring the day in 1789 that peasants stormed the French prison and released the 7 prisoners inside. Which, of course, immediately put the guards out of a job. There was no one left to guard. I forget how Anne Hathaway was involved.

Non-soccer fans can have the TV back now that the World Cup is over. It was a bittersweet game yesterday for hidden Nazi war criminals as Germany defeated Argentina 1-0. I don’t understand why all those little blond Argentinian kids are crying. German Chancellor Angela Merkel was ecstatic with the win; she texted and called all her friends about it, at least that’s what the NSA says. Did you hear one of Argentina’s players actually tore his rectum during their semifinal match? He’s still whining about it. What a baby; the same thing happened to the entire Brazilian team and THEY’RE not crying about it. Brazilian officials are, however, wondering why they spent 14 billion dollars so the Germans could be so happy, now their workers can risk death dismantling those rickety stadiums. For most of America, that’s the last goal they’ll have to see for four years.
There’s a lot of buzz that this World Cup ended in Holy War as Pope Francis is from Argentina and his predecessor, retired Pope Benedict XVI, is from Germany. Papa Francis Tweeted out a message of loving fraternity, claiming neutrality in the match while the Pope Emeritus went to bed early. There’s probably a secret big-screen TV in St Peter's Basilica. No matter which team “God favoured” in the finals, the joke was still on England.

Amazon wants to continue drone-delivery tests. Now, the real trick -- getting the enemy to order the bombs.
Dawn of the Planet the Apes was huge at the weekend box office. I always thought NASA missed the mark by not dressing everyone up as apes when the last shuttle landed.

Hamas continues to deny responsibility for the murders of the 3 Israeli teenagers that triggered the current wave of Mideast violence, saying it was part of a botched operation. Well, then shouldn't Hamas claim "irresponsibility"? Sorry, that joke Israeli not appropriate.

Bowe Bergdahl has been cleared to return to active duty. What? He went from “in terrible shape and in need of rescue” to active duty roughly 2 months? No word on which army he’ll be rejoining.

And … Alagasco says if you get a call from someone claiming you owe Alagasco money – it’s a scam. Except for the actual calls from Alagasco if you owe Alagasco money