I was telling my mom last night, that I was trying hard to find a balance. I wanted to have Little Man's eating experiment be a sign of good things to come, an indicator that he might indeed someday be able to eat on his own and be tube free. But I also didn't want to hold on to that hope so hard that I would be crushed if it never came to fruition. I wanted to be able to stay in gratitude that he is doing well, eating or not.Today though, I weighed him. He is down four pounds. The whole thing is a bust. Even when I THOUGHT he was doing well with eating, he wasn't. The weight thing doesn't mean much, thank goodness he has plenty to lose now, and don't get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for that. Every single pound, every little jiggle and roll screams health and abundance to me. I love his current roundness, it feels like safety to me.I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I lied. A broken dream is a hard thing to hold in your heart. P.S. Look for a much more upbeat Mountain Monday post later today.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Probably the most asked question I get about adopting Little Man is did we know about all his problems before we adopted him? I am always at kind of a loss for words about that question, because it is a huge question.Yes, we knew he was a drug baby. And yes we knew he might have special needs all his life. The drug babies we knew that had been adopted by friends were pretty normal kids. So no, we didn't expect the extent of his problems.He was an extraordinarly difficult infant. He never slept, and as he got older, he could throw a 3 hour long temper tantrum. He seemed incapable of calming himself and was capable of crying for 8 hours straight. No parent dreams of having a child with handicaps, or dreams of all the things they won't be able to do someday. We were normal parents with normal dreams of what someday would be. In spite of his sleep problems, which didn't get addressed until he was 18 months old, he met most of the normal milestones. He walked at 10 months, said a few words. He smiled and laughed and seemed physically normal. His eating was a problem always, but not hugely. We had to fortify his formula as a baby to help him gain weight and we never could advance him on his textures in baby foods. I guess it never occurred to us how strange it is that this was a baby that rarely put toys or anything in his mouth.He was 2 1/2 when Bi Polar was first mentioned. The medication they started him on was nothing short of a miracle. By the time he three we also were working on adhd meds. The miracle of those meds gave him speech, the ability to slow down long enough to make a sentence. It was amazing. The first years, I was fine with all the things the doctors said were wrong with him. We never expected to adopt a perfect or "normal" kid, and given his prenatal drug exposure, it wasn't surprising that he had problems. But as the years moved on and the doctors kept saying more and more things were wrong, the tears and the grief started to flow. I remember one time in particular, when he was about 5. We had been sent to the Dysphgia clinic. The clinician told me he was unable to chew correctly. I drove home from that appointment crying my heart out because my poor little boy didn't even chew right. There have been many more appointments and disappointments. The tears have flowed freely as more bad news is announced. No parent ever wants to hear that something is wrong with their child, and we are no exception.If someone had plopped this foster child at the age of 10 into our lives, we could have given him back, immediately. There is no way we could have handled all of this if it were just handed to us in one big chunk. But God is wise and is true with most parents, you don't really get to pick one out, and you don't know what is going to happen. The most perfect child in the world can get very sick or have an accident that affects them the rest of their lives. And parents deal with it. It is hard. Don't get me wrong, it is struggle every day to meet his needs and not lose my patience. But there are moments that help brighten things up. The laughter, the fun times. This child is a cuddler extraordinaire. When he snuggles up to me at night to go to sleep, he curves his body to fit to mine, and we breathe together, him and I and we are content, to just be. I love those moments. I love to smell his hair right then, and kiss his head and just remember how very much I love him.Little by little we have grown into being our son's parents and even though we didn't know, I don't regret, ever, loving this child, or bringing him into our lives.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Deb from Postcards from the Edge did a Fix-it Friday post so I wanted to make sure she got a linky. She is funny. Go read it.

We survived. Well, Little Man survived. I am feeling a wee bit weak and overused. The nurse asked me if I needed anything. I asked her for a valium, but she didn't give me one. The boy? He ate two bites of popsicle and they decided that was enough. So they sprung us. Getting out was a bit of a circus, since Little Man had to pee and he refused to use the toilet and instead insisted on a urinal, which he then proceeded to insist he had to take home. They got a wheelchair, but he decided he wanted a wagon. I had told him he couldn't have McDonalds unless he drank his gatorade. So he drank it on the way home so he could go to Micky D's. We hit the rush hour traffic as I predicted and he was really good in the car watching his movies until he dropped a french fry and was shrieking at me to get it for him. Did I mention it was rush hour? Yeah, that part was really unpleasant. He was screaming that he wanted his french fry and I was screaming back, "be quiet! I can't get it, I am driving, you need to wait til we get home!" And he in turn would scream for his fry and we continued back and forth like this for the last 30 minutes of the drive. He is currently being entertained by Bald Man, but I expect the screamage to commence again at any point. Oldest Son called and asked for us to babysit. I just gasped weakly for a minute and then said no, maybe another day. He had forgotten that Little Man had surgery today. He remembers now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

to make you drink. The surgery went well. They pulled FIVE baby teeth that were loose. He only had ONE cavity, Whoot! He is recovering well, except for one small thing. The obstinate critter refuses to drink anything. So here we sit, well,actually we lay very squished into a very narrow bed, unable to leave until the boy decides to drink. Unless... Super Tubie Mommy to the rescue! Able to leap tall buildings with a single extension, able to hydrate the most unwilling child! Yup, we are just waiting for an extension to get sent up and then we dump pedilyte into his tummy. If he doesn't puke it up, then we get sprung. Okay a change in plan. They can't find the tube we need so they are trying to get him to eat a popsicle instead. Looks like we will be out in time for rush hour traffic. At least my AC works, and as long as he has his DVD player and movies, he is fine. Is it bad that I can't wait for bedtime?

by real life. Little Man has dental surgery and that leaves me with very little down time this morning, or today at all.On the eating front. The last four days he has eaten breakfast every day. Two days he skipped lunch, including yesterday and last night he refused any dinner. Sigh.I cried a little bit, even though I had told myself the very fact he is proving he is capable of eating is all good news, and it is. So last night, he got hooked up to his tube for a feeding. He hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and we could only let him "eat" until midnight. And since he hadn't received anything nourishing since his breakfast of sausage and cantalope, it seemed like a good policy to get something into his gut to try to get him ready for today. So he got hooked up until midnight last night. It was only 400 calories, but it was way better than nothing and now if he is ultra cranky, (and he is) it isn't because he has gone 24 hours without any "food".So yeah for today, there will be violence, foulness and vileness galore. Generally, after a surgery they wait until they are at a certain place in recovery before they call you back. I get the awesome honor of being called back earlier than the other parents because Little Man will be beside himself and they will want me to calm him down before he commits mayhem and bodily harm. I can hardly wait. I will keep you posted.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

I need to tell you all the good stuff today! Bald Man and I had a wedding reception to go to last night. We stayed far too long there and we had a two hour drive home. JJ was babysitting Little Man and the boy woke up just as we got home and he peed the bed and anyway, long story short, Little Man didn't get hooked up to his night time feed last night. Today. He ate. He ate 6 sausages. He ate a can of vienna sausages. He ate a really good sized salad with fake crab meat on it. He ate 2 green popsicles. I don't ever remember him eating like this. Like a normal kid. Variety. Veggies. Protein. We are flat footed amazed. Enough to try NOT hooking him up again tonight and see if he eats tomorrow. And there is even MORE good news. Tonight, Little Man and the Pea were jumping on my bed. Normally if you get Little Man wound up physically, he goes nuts. He usually will end up jumping on top of the Pea or pushing her off the bed and hurting her or me, and then we have to stop. Tonight, he played appropriately. He and the Pea jumped and laughed and sang and laughed some more. When I told him to stop crushing the blinds, he did. He did it. Without being ugly, without me having to threaten him. He just stopped doing it. That my friends,is weird. We were so proud of him when they were done and we told him so. Repeatedly. Then! (even more, can you believe it?) He made a mess with the video tapes. He picked them up and restacked them. Without a fight. Without getting ugly. He just did it. We made a big deal of it. Told him how proud we were of him. I have no idea what happened here today, but I sure hope we can figure it out so we can do it again. And if not, well then, it doesn't change the gift of today. Bless his heart, I always love him, but tonight, I am proud of him too.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Okay, back again. Now I don't have time to do what I was going to, so I will save it for next week. Today instead will be a public service announcement. As you know from my whiny Thursday post, overheating and dehydration are things we worry about for our youngest. Even if you are not on the medications Little Man is on, YOU still need to be careful in the heat.

First Up, Heat Exhaustion:Heat exhaustion is one of the heat-related syndromes, which range in severity from mild heat cramps to heat exhaustion to potentially life-threatening heatstroke.

This post will get too long if I post every word, so I will give you the links and hope you click and learn. The life you save, may be yours!Heat Exhaustion

Next, Heatstroke is the most severe of the heat-related problems, often resulting from exercise or heavy work in hot environments combined with inadequate fluid intake. Heat Stroke

And a couple of chemical heads up, because I know some of the peeps who read my blog have some kids on the same kinds of meds as Little Man.Lithium: (This is why we are careful about making sure Little Man has plenty of water and Gatorade in the summer) Taking this medication can make it easier for you to become dehydrated, especially if you have any vomiting or diarrhea, if you are outdoors in the sun, or if you exercise vigorously or sweat more than usual. Dehydration can increase some of the side effects of lithium.Drink extra fluids each day to keep from getting dehydrated while you are taking lithium.Lithium side effects to be concerned about(these can mean the Lithium level has gotten too high): extreme thirst, urinating more or less than usual;weakness, fever, feeling restless or confused, mild tremor of the hands;weakness, lack of coordination;mild nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, stomach pain or upset;eye pain and vision problems;

And the last one we worry about. Little Man is on a benzodiazepine. This class of drugs include Xanax, Valium, Ativan, etc. We use Little Man's to help treat his seizures, but they are also used for anti anxiety, sleeping, etc. With the summer, once more dehydration can cause problems. Because "benzos" depress the central nervous system, they can cause you to not be able to breathe and depress other important body functions like blood pressure and heart rate. Here are the symptoms we would watch for with benzodiazepine toxicity: Decreased respiratory rateHypotensionDecreased oxygen saturation levelHallucinationsSlurred speechAtaxiaComaImpairment of cognitionHypotoniaWeaknessRespiratory depression

I hope all of you are scared straight! Be careful with the heat, drink water and if you are out in the heat for hours, an electolyte replacement fluid of your choice. If you start feeling sick, please don't shrug it off, take care of yourself so we can all enjoy many summers in the future!

Fix It Friday is Postponed. I was getting ready to do my FIF (Fix-it Friday) But Bald Man just called and said he was done for the day, which leaves us with 3 child free hours! Whooot! Seize the moment and all that! I will post it when I get a moment tonight or tomorrow.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Happy 400th post to us, happy 400th post to us! Happy 400th, happy 400th, happy 400th post to us! And many more!Wow! Who ever knew I had so much to say? Ha ha, that was a joke. It just seems like such a big number and some of you have been along for the ride the whole way! Hugs and kisses to all of you.

Stupid Gatorade company. I think they are not making this particular type of sports bottle gatorade anymore because I am having a tough time finding them:

Let me tell you why discontinuing this particular bottle is a problem.1. Little Man is on a medication where getting dehydrated even a little is life threatening. We don't worry about it much because he is always thirsty and even while he isn't a good eater, he is a great drinker. He drinks water and Gatorade, and when the weather gets warm, he drinks more. 2.He is used to these bottles.3.He prefers these bottles.And while I understand the whole plastic is not good thing, I won't send a different kind of metal bottle with him, because he won't use it and we couldn't afford to replace it if it got lost too many times.Stupid Gatorade! Don't they know the hell that is yawning before us if we can't find these bottles? We re use them until they are unusable. I went to THREE different stores before I found some. I bought 20! We are good for this summer. I refuse to think about next summer.Don't forget, tomorrow is Fix-it Friday and boy oh boy do I have something in store for you! If you wish to participate in some way, a linky, an idea, a craft, a recipe, anything you think is valuable, please drop me an email (lakotajo2 at msn dot com) or a comment and I will be sure to link to you!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Monday, June 16, 2008

I don't know whether to hug or hit target="_blank">Holly. So either I blame her, or I give her total credit, but really, it is all her fault.We were chatting the other night and I was griping that Little Man's bedroom smells like pee, but we can not find the exact source. Well, I mean we know the ultimate source, one little boy who can't be bothered to use the restroom, no kidding, less than five feet from his room. But the secondary source of WHERE he put it, that is the part we can't find.Holly then informed me about a certain product. target="_blank">Urine Gone. It even comes with a black light so you can go all CSI on any suspected stains. In case you didn't know, or don't watch those CSI kind of shows, bodily fluids show up glowing in black light. Vomit, blood and yes, urine.I found the kit for about 20$ at our local Shopko. I guess they sell them at Walgreens too, in the "As seen on TV" aisle.Last night, we shut off all the lights in Little Man's room, turned on the black light and went searching. Well, we didn't have far to look. I guess the kid has peed everywhere, cause just about the whole carpet glows green. Also the closet, some of his toys and even in places, the WALL! We sprayed and sprayed the enzyme cleaner, used about half the bottle. We will have to do it again in the next day or so. Once you actually take care of the stain, it will stop glowing. I was just so seriously grossed out I could hardly stand it. I guess we will also have to address a certain young man's potty habits. I was warned that shining the black light in the bathroom is a serious wake up call. I guess I wanted to make myself feel better, so I went into the bathroom and shined the black light of truth in there. On one hand, it made me feel better. On the other hand, NOT! Little Man's room is much, much worse than the bathroom. And that my bloggy friends is how I got totally traumatized.

Friday, June 13, 2008

"Two hikers round a corner and come face to face with an enormous bear that rises up on its haunches and roars at them.

"What do we do?" the first hiker asks. "Run!" "Do you really think you can outrun a bear?""No, but I can outrun you."

Pygmy Child and her husband Brown Boy live in Florida. It is so lush and pretty there, compared to the desert of Utah. They recently both got nice bikes and they are having a wonderful time exploring the beautiful landscape around where they live.

Not only is the landscape lush and green, wildlife abounds in this fertile area.

If you thought my cougar sign was scary, check this one out!

Cool! Two of them! Brown Boy entreats Pygmy Child to take his picture. She is an obliging person and does so.

Your turn Pygmy Child!

Let's see if we can get closer!

Wow! That is really close!

Umm, Brown Boy says, that one doesn't look very happy.

The closest one looks a bit angry, so Brown Boy says, "lets get out of here!" He proceeds to pack up the camera, hop on his bike and pedal quickly away.He leaves behind a very surprised and panicked wife. She thinks the alligator is coming after her. Her husband is riding away and she is trying as hard as she can to get her leg over the highest part of the bike in her panic stricken state. Pygmy Child finally gets her leg over her bike and is pedalling frantically to make her escape from being dinner for alligators.

By now, Brown Boy has noticed she was left behind and has stopped and is waiting for her. When Pygmy Child catches up to him, she accusingly asks him why he left her. Brown Boy says he thought she was right behind him and he stopped as soon as he noticed she wasn't there.

No one was eaten by alligators and they all rode happily off into a really beautiful sunset.

Later, the Pea asked Auntie if she was alligator food, but the family in Florida prefers to call her gator bait.

*This story was retold by moi, with permission from Brown Boy, although some literary license may have been taken by the mother in law for the sake of humor.

Monday, June 09, 2008

I don't think Spring or Summer will ever actually arrive. This has been the world's longest winter! I swear! What happened to global warming? It just can't seem to get and stay warm here. I give up. Really.But that doesn't stop the mountains from being totally awesome.The other night, it was sunset and the mountains were all PINK! I had to run out and take pictures just for you. They came out kind of blurry cause the light was dim, but you get the idea. Pink mountains, who woulda thunk it?

And now, today's beautiful pictures, taken by Oldest Son who has some aspirations in photography, with good reason, you will see.

Even though it doesn't feel like Spring is really here, the mountains and flowers think it is. So I guess it is okay.Now! For the weeks top picks of pics!

Grand daughter June Bug who will be 1 year old this next week!

Grand daughter Pea:

She said she was a Ki-ger (tiger)

She took a bike ride with Pop pop

She will NOT leave the house right now without her sunglasses:

I took my bird, Meeko for a walk:

I wanted to show you how pretty pinky-orange her feathers under her crest are:

The Pea is currently puking and running a fever. I am just praying Little Man doesn't get it. Oh, by the way. He started his summer program last week and life got immediately better. I talked to his summer program director today and she just went on and on about how much healthier he is this year. It did my mommy heart good. He is looking good. Work is going well, learning, doing stuff. I LOVE setting my own hours and working from home doesn't seem to be a problem. Although I did stay up until 11:30 last night to make sure my reports were in on time this morning. Hee, hee. My procrastinating self LOVES it.P.S. Please take the personality test and tell me about it. I want to know! Pretty please???