Steve Roberts appears regularly on
CNN, PBS and the ABC radio network, and
hosts Voice of Americaís ďThe Roberts
Report.Ē He is a contributing editor at
U.S. News & World Report, a popular
lecturer, and the Shapiro Professor of
Media and Public Affairs at George
Washington University. Steve, with
wife Cokie Roberts, also writes a
nationally syndicated weekly commentary
column offering no-nonsense analysis of
national and international issues.
Steve Roberts knows a lot about family
dynamics, having written his most recent
book, My Fathersí Houses: Memoir of a
Family, and co-authored with Cokie the
New York Timesí bestseller, From This
Day Forward (2000).
Editor-in-Chief Gary Barg sat down with
Steve to talk about the family business
of writing and writing about the
business of being a family.

Gary Barg: You and Cokie wrote
about this phenomenon in your recent
article called, ďThe Double-Decker
Sandwich Generation.Ē Can you
explain what this is?

Steve Roberts: Thereís the
traditional concept of what the
ďsandwich generationĒ is; I remember
the moment when I realized that I
was in that middle. It was over 20
years ago during a Thanksgiving
gathering at my parentsí house in
New Jersey. We had rented a bus to
go tour the historic sites in
Philadelphia and I looked around to
notice that the oldest member of our
family, my father, the patriarch of
the family, and my youngest nephew,
who was about 6 or 7, were both
missing from the group. We couldnít
find either one of them and I
thought this was the perfect symbol
of the sandwich generationódealing
with my father at one end and then
dealing with my nephew on the other
end.

I grew up with one grandfather in
the house and the other two
grandparents living only a few
blocks away. In my entire childhood,
I donít think I ever had a
babysitter I wasnít related to. I
thought everybody grew up that way.
We have all scattered and live in
different places; but with my mother
moving to Washington, D.C., itís a
symbol of the family coming back
togetheróespecially when the
caregiving responsibilities are
growing. Iím fortunate to have a
brother who lives here; my father
has been dead for the last eight
years. My brother and I live about
15 minutes away from each other. The
independent living facility my
mother has chosen is literally right
in between our two houses, so weíll
now have our original relationship
again after all these years. She
selected the facility and decided on
it, and made it so much easier on us
by doing this on her own. She
doesnít want to have the
responsibility of keeping up with
two homes, the increasing problems
with driving, etc. Part of why sheís
moving closer is because she will be
in better proximity to see the kids
when they visit with us. This was a
very important part of her decision.
Caregiving isnít just about the
person who goes to the pharmacy for
someone, but itís about the joy, the
love, and the level of care that a
person receives. Care comes in many
forms. I often work from home now
and Iím only 10 minutes away from
where my mother lives. I can call
her up and go have lunch with her.
Itís lunch, but itís also
caregiving. These facilities make it
easy for people to be able to host
people for meals, so this encourages
caregiving from outside the facility
as well.

Gary Barg: Tell me about your
experience with family caregiving.

Steve Roberts: As the
grandfather who lived with us grew
older, my mother took care of him. I
had already left for college at the
age of 17 and much of this took
place after that. The last couple of
years of his life, he moved into the
Hebrew Home for the Aged when my
mother could no longer care for him
at home. My mother now has nine
great-grandchildren and my
mother-in-law has 16, so there is
now this phenomenon of two middle
generations and there are caregiving
responsibilities on both ends. I
helped my 86-year-old mother
closeout her home in Florida before
she moved into the independent
living facility in Washington, D.C.,
and then the very next week, I was
flying out to California to take
care of twin three-year-old
grandsons and a new born. We were
still in the middle, but it dawned
on me that these werenít our
children we were taking care of;
this is what is meant by the
double-decker sandwich generation.
Our children take responsibility for
their grandmothers and we take
responsibility for their children.

Gary Barg: If you wonder how
you will be cared for in your
failing years, take note of what
your children saw when you were
taking care of your parents; that
will give you a pretty good idea of
how your children will care for you.
Do you have any words of advice for
family caregivers?

Steve Roberts: Thatís a good
question. This is going to sound
sappy, but I actually mean it. The
chance to do this is actually a
gift. My mother is giving me a gift
by moving here. Iím not naÔve; I
know there will be times when my
responsibilities will be torn. But
in these last years of her life, for
her to want to be here where I can
be a much bigger part of her life is
in many ways a big gift to me. Among
the things that she did that were so
incredibly helpful to me was saving
all the letters that she and my
father had written to each other
since she was seventeen, covering
the four years from the day they met
to the day they married. This was a
gift of family, a gift of lore and
legacy, and I couldnít have done my
book without that gift. I see her
moving here to be another gift.
Thereís opportunity to be of
service, particularly to a parent.
When caregiving becomes a burden,
itís when youíre so stressed by
other priorities and other
obligations that you canít be there
because you need to be some place
else. Try to clear your mind and
tell yourself that this is important
and that the other things can wait.
Be there for them; donít be there
for yourself. Clear your schedule
and your mind.