DiabeticMindshttps://diabeticminds.com
Helping People with Diabetes Thrive!Sat, 17 Feb 2018 20:45:21 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://secure.gravatar.com/blavatar/16ebc6104f3f715125e21752ab4a382f?s=96&d=https%3A%2F%2Fs2.wp.com%2Fi%2Fbuttonw-com.pngDiabeticMindshttps://diabeticminds.com
Frustrated Relationships with Diabetes!https://diabeticminds.com/2018/02/13/frustrated-relationships-with-diabetes/
https://diabeticminds.com/2018/02/13/frustrated-relationships-with-diabetes/#respondTue, 13 Feb 2018 21:57:16 +0000http://diabeticminds.com/?p=1656Continue reading Frustrated Relationships with Diabetes!→]]>Why is the divorce rate 2 to 3 times higher than the rest of the population when diabetes is involved? Is it the impact on the loved one without diabetes and their bias? Perhaps. Is it our feelings of loneliness or could it merely be miscommunication? Maybe, but the causes are more complicated than one might think, unique to each couple.

Having lived with diabetes for the past 40 years, I had many relationships, each unique and beautiful in their own ways. My relationships ended for a variety of reasons, not all due to my diabetes. However, my diabetes did negatively impact my relationships, even if it didn’t directly cause the relationship to end.

Some of the women I dated over the years minimized what I was going through, while others acknowledge diabetes but didn’t fully understand what it takes to live with this complex illness. After working with clients living with diabetes who were having relationship issues over the last decade, I can safely say, is that there can be many reasons couples struggle, but somewhere diabetes is part of that equation. What they are going through is as unique as they are.

It will be alright!
The other day, I reflected on a comment one of my clients from a few years back made during a couples session: “When I get down about having diabetes, Martha tries to help me.” And his wife Martha stated: “I do! I tell him that it’s going to be alright.” Alright, What did that mean and what did it mean for my client? Was it supportive or dismissive? I eventually found out, but that is a long story for another time. For now, just know that it was received differently than intended and was a constant source of frustration.

When living with diabetes, it could be hard to imagine that things could ever be alright. Whatever that means? See being alright doesn’t mean happy, content or feeling good about one’s life with diabetes. It’s alright to take a break from writing, but it can seem unfair, if I have to do it because my blood sugar is low. Feelings of unfairness tend to arise when we choose to compare our situation to other people who don’t have to manage this difficult illness.

Miscommunications happen for many reasons, which make communicating with those we love so tricky and usually, the primary underlying reason relationships fail. With diabetes clear communication is critical to a happy relationship. Along with acceptance that our significant other will never know what it is like to live with diabetes and we will never know what it is like for them watch us go through the paces of diabetes. This is true of many other things as well.

Think of it this way, as a man I will never really know what it is like to give birth. I can be supportive while I watch from the sidelines, but I will never honestly know. Some things you just have to go through to fully understand. This doesn’t mean I can’t empathize, be there to help in the childbirth process. Just as someone without diabetes can’t really know what it is like living with this frustrating and time-consuming illness. If you tell them how to support you and they’re willing, they can be there for you.

This is very complicated illness, making relationships even more complicated. Sometimes it is not enough to inform your partner or your relatives. When that happens, a third party can help with communication and advanced diabetes education. Healthy discussion, including listening (not just hearing) and empathizing are learned skills and will be critical, not only with your partner but in everything you do.

If you need help getting your partner to understand what you are going through. Please reach out and give my practice a call at (917) 272-4829. I help couples deal with all kinds of issues, including diabetes-related ones.

If you want more information on how Diabetes-Focused Psychotherapy can help you or your family with the complex issues you face; check out my website: www.diabetictalks.com.

Medical Disclaimer: All the advice included in this blog is therapeutic in nature and should not be considered medical advice. Before making any changes to your diabetes maintenance program, please consult with your primary physician or endocrinologist.

]]>https://diabeticminds.com/2018/02/13/frustrated-relationships-with-diabetes/feed/0eliotlebowCouple-lowAvoiding Pitfalls: New Year Resolutionshttps://diabeticminds.com/2018/01/04/avoiding-pitfalls-new-year-resolutions/
https://diabeticminds.com/2018/01/04/avoiding-pitfalls-new-year-resolutions/#respondThu, 04 Jan 2018 23:45:26 +0000http://diabeticminds.com/?p=1651Continue reading Avoiding Pitfalls: New Year Resolutions→]]>The New Year is a time when people reflect their lives and take inventory of what they have accomplished and what needs work.

It’s good to Set resolutions in the New Year, but setting the right expectations for reaching those goals is paramount. Regardless of your goal, whether it is to manage your diabetes better or climb Mount Kilimanjaro, you will need a plan. If you want to avoid breaking your resolutions.

The pressure to keep a resolution this time of the year can be enormous and feel astronomical. Hopefully, we feel supported and get support from family and friends alike.

For people living with diabetes, this might be the first time they honestly admit to themselves that they have a problem. That they need to take better care of their diabetes or emotional wellness and are empowered to take action.

Success?In general people have difficulty keeping New Years Resolutions. It all starts with high expectations and hope. Why do such a large percentage fail at completing their resolutions? It could be many reasons that may have nothing to do with willpower.

People failing can happen due to a lack of emotional support that dwindles over time. By the end of January, some or all of the help from family and friends may disappear. The people providing their support go on with their lives, while they are left facing their goal, problem or behavior change, alone.

If this happens, you could reach out to a psychotherapist who provides support and direction. If you are trying to climb a mountain, a sports coach or trainer may be a good source of support.

Many people living with diabetes don’t make plans, objectives or clarify their goals. Ask yourself what will your goal look like and how will you know you have achieved it. It is essential to create a step-by-step plan of action about how you are going to reach your goal.

Maybe you decide to stop eating fast food and start eating healthy. It’s the New Year, and you go to the grocery store but what to buy? You may not have done any planning before going to the grocery store. Like making a grocery list or even know what to put on it.

Doing prep work is essential. If your goal is to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, there are books on the steps you will need to take, and a trainer is paramount to success. Training with a friend will also provide accountability and increase success.

If you are trying to change your diet, you may want to get educated on the subject and develop a plan. Theirs a lot of blogs and an abundance of misleading and contradictory information out their in the either. It is why seeking support from a Certified Diabetes Educator, dietitian or nutritionist is important.

They help people plan their new diet while assisting them to set objectives and clarifying their goals. Seeking the support of a psychotherapist who is also a Certified Diabetes Educator or specializes in eating disorders on a weekly basis can help a person with accountability. It also addresses emotional issues around unhealthy eating patterns.

One of the last reasons resolutions fail, is that some people set their goals too high. A good example is setting a weight loss goal of 3 pounds a week. Aside from the fact that losing that much weight per week is unhealthy, it is tough to do without a team working with you regularly. If you plan to lose 25 to 50 pounds by the end of the year setting a weekly goal of half too one pound may be more achievable.

Get Help!
With the right help (OA, Weight Watcher, Nutritionist, Certified Diabetes Educator, Coach, Psychotherapist) in place, you can lose the weight, find inner peace or climb a mountain.

Be flexible and allow for setbacks, they will happen. Try to keep positive and avoid beating yourself up when things don’t work out the way you planned. If your goal is reasonable, you will reach it, as long as you keep at it and get help when needed.

You may not achieve every objective you set, but if you’re 15 pounds lighter at the end of the year, does it matter that you didn’t reach your overall goal of 50? After all, isn’t any loss of weight, great? I encourage my clients to have a long-term goal, but employ a series of small objectives that help them reach multiple smaller goals until they reach their end of the year resolution.

If you feel you need help with your resolution or feel like talking to someone who will listen and empathize with what you are going through, please call (917) 272-4829, and we can set up a consult session.

If you want more information on how Diabetes-Focused Psychotherapy can help you and the issues you face; check out my website: www.diabetictalks.com.

Medical Disclaimer: All the advice included in this blog is therapeutic in nature and should not be considered medical advice. Before making any changes to your diabetes maintenance program, please consult with your primary physician or endocrinologist.

]]>https://diabeticminds.com/2018/01/04/avoiding-pitfalls-new-year-resolutions/feed/0Mountain-woman-ballons-lowFBeliotlebowDiabetes, Holiday Stress & Foodhttps://diabeticminds.com/2017/11/25/diabetes-holiday-stress-food/
https://diabeticminds.com/2017/11/25/diabetes-holiday-stress-food/#respondSat, 25 Nov 2017 16:12:45 +0000http://diabeticminds.com/?p=1644Continue reading Diabetes, Holiday Stress & Food→]]>About ten years ago, the holiday season was a difficult one. All the unnecessary drama and stress was overwhelming and like many years before. I found myself doing things I knew were wrong for myself and my diabetes.

So I find myself asking how was I going to handle all the drama and that desire to eat. All the high carb treats will be everywhere, calling my name.

In the past, I would take extra insulin. But I have been down that road before: feeling good while eating but sick later that evening through the following day.
To be honest, “the following days!” Leftovers abound and my inner voice saying, “Someone needs to eat it.” Over the past few years, I have played this tape countless times, and the outcome never changes. If I get stressed out and overwhelmed by family drama, I ate to cover up my feelings, and I only end up feeling more anxious with more negative feels; guilt and sadness.

Whether you give in or not, you might feel angry, sad or frustrated. Maybe you only see your family on holidays for a reason, and emotional turmoil is brewing within you. The anger about your brother, sister, parents, uncle and so on; you think you have pushed down, locked away or resolved. Appears out of nowhere and you’re transported back to childhood and may even feel powerless.

Emotional Eating
Emotions arise long before, during, and after the family functions. Primarily, when the family members, who cause so much anxiety, are going to be at that family function and will inevitably create unwanted drama for you during that event.

Some people eat when emotionally charged. Negative or positive, the kind of emotion, doesn’t necessarily matter. Some feelings make us want to partake in the festivities, while negative emotions may cause us to eat to feel better.

There is a tendency to eat regardless of hunger to avoid feelings.

The feeling of being left out of the group when everyone else is eating food you like but try to avoid as part of your diabetes management. Watching others eat treats you enjoy while family members encourage you to eat more, can create internal pressures to join in despite the potential consequences. Combine that with family members that don’t understand that you can eat a piece of cake in peace, says something or is staring at you from across the table. It can be a recipe for disaster.

If you’re the planner in the family? There is the additional stress of all the things you have to do, to plan and execute the event. Is it stressful? Of course, but add on family issues, and it can be paralyzing.

What Now?
Psychotherapy helps me deal with family stuff and the day to day of living with diabetes. Attending therapy may not help for this Holiday Season, but it may help for the following ones.

Some of my clients opt to not go to family events until they feel family members won’t trigger them to eat. Other clients may go, but bring a friend to run interference or have an exit strategy in place (Like when you tell a friend to call you 30 minutes into a blind date). If you need help, some therapists, like myself will help you construct a plan of action to avoid emotional eating and how to cope with it, if you do.

Talk about it with your friends; they may help. Just be careful some friends think of themselves when giving advice, have poor listening skills or are not able to support you adequately. Over the past ten years, I have given nonbias support to my clients and help them work through their family and other issues.

If you feel you need extra support or feel like talking to someone who will listen and empathize with what you are going through, please call (917) 272-4829, and we can set up a consult session.

If you want more information on how I can help you deal with the holidays or other issues you face; check out my website: www.diabetictalks.com.

Medical Disclaimer:
All the advice included in this blog is therapeutic in nature and should not be considered medical advice. Before making any changes to your diabetes maintenance program, please consult with your primary physician or endocrinologist.