Lindsay Lohan Still Thinks She’s Marilyn Monroe

Oh, Lindsay, bless your heart. This isn’t going to happen, honey. We’re not going to put you in the same class as Marilyn Monroe, we’re just not. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you need to stop, sweetie, because you’re just starting to look ridiculous.

Guys, you remember last month when I showed you an excerpt from the forward Lindsay wrote for that new book about Marilyn? Well, we have the whole thing now, and, well … Lindsay’s just as deluded as ever, let’s just say that.

I was twelve and watching the film “Niagara” over and over again when I was shooting The Parent Trap. I didn’t refer to it as film noir then. I just thought it was dark and full of emotion. Marilyn was the beautiful bad girl in that tight, rose-colored dress. The character she played was strong and taking control, which I unconsciously knew at that young age was a necessary quality for a woman. I had seen what my mother, whom I love, had gone through with my father. She, I and my brother Michael, my sister Aliana, and my youngest brother Dakota were in a constant state of uncertainty. I would have to put myself between him and my siblings.

I can understand the photographer Bernard of Hollywood’s statement, “it took a superhuman effort to be Marilyn.” I identify. Without any real family to come home to and no education, Marilyn managed to have her dream. The dream of a little girl looking out of an orphanage window at the RKO sign, and promising herself, “There must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I’m not going to worry about them. I’m dreaming the hardest.”

People in their mind have created who I am and act as if there is no real person inside of me. Just like Marilyn, who created the blond sex goddess on camera…. Marilyn never wanted to be a celebrity. Neither do I. I started working in commercials, when I was three. I always wanted to be in great films. I had always thought that movie stars were in films that would last forever in your mind. But now the films don’t. I don’t want to be remembered as someone who just wanted to be photographed, who goes out at night ,and gets in trouble. Look, I never had a normal high school life. I was home schooled for two years, never had a high school prom or went to college. I was just sort of acting out that period of time I never had, and I made some bad choices. So all the tabloids, just like Marilyn, keep harping on my mistakes. Heath Ledger once said to me, “It’s build you up to knock you down and that’s all it is. And you just have to see if you can stand through it.”

Marilyn said she had no foundation. But she said she was really working on it. I’ve been trying to do the same thing. But sometimes a relationship doesn’t work out like you’d hoped. The tabloids don’t give you a chance. They don’t want to know who you are inside. If everything’s OK with you, who wants to hear about it? I believe in myself and I’m a good actress.

It took time for Marilyn to be taken seriously as an actress. She risked everything and broke her contract with FOX Studios, demanded more money, approval of directors, better scripts, more respect ,and formed Marilyn Monroe Productions. That was really empowering for a woman in the ‘50s. Marilyn was not a victim. She took control. And we remember her, 50 years later, for her “great films.”

Yeah, sure, great, Lindsay. You got real into crack because you missed your senior prom. Just like Marilyn, right?