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Another angle of progress

Living authentic religious tradition, living authentic and integral honor and realized fucking authenticity, isn’t always about gods and trees and Jung. Sometimes it is about repairing the fucking world you live in, at the social or criminal or linguistic or cultural level. Sometimes you can do this with your words, often you can do this with your actions, and every once in a while you need to do this with a Molotov cocktail. But for now, let’s save the liquor for libation, and try to use our words. (Or in some cases, the witholding of words, when they do naught but stall and stagnate the progress others toil to achieve for the betterment of all.)

Corvus Cardia addresses one of our culture’s most pervasively fucked up issues head-on today, here, wherein she says, on the subject of rape culture and related social considerations:

This. A hundred percent this. Fuck the injurious culture, fuck the permissive douchey whining from a place of challenged privilege, and fuck the culturally endorsed insecurities that hurt women and all-too-fucking-often prevent boys from ever becoming men. Fuck the hetero-centric entitlement-ego-engorged worthless men who can’t see past their own fragility to step the fuck up and bring change to this pattern of pervasive disregard, and fuck the men who can’t find it in their tiny little hearts to shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down if they aren’t capable of being part of the process of progression and change. Fuck. Also, fucking props to everyone — men who ally themselves appropriately to these endeavors, and the courageous and inspiring women who take a stand against this shit. But seriously. Fuck the fact that this is even “a thing”, and fuck everyone who is a godsdamned part of keeping it that way. Change is still a thing, people, even in 2014: to get it, we need to actually progress (e.g. move, preferably in a forward sort of direction) ahead, and if you find that your tires are flat or the tread of your boots worn to a dangerous smooth, do the rest of society a favor and just get the fuck out of the way. Silently. Like corpses.

Wow; barring the fact I do enjoy your posts, THIS… This not only continues to inform me synchronicity is in high gear, but it also informs me people still fucking care. Thank you. (off to read the linked post within)

I’m not sure if my comment registered over there or not (Blogger often does this with me, alas…), but I will reiterate some of what I attempted to say over there here.

I think the pervasiveness of rape culture in our society is kind of demonstrated by the fact that it’s something that pretty much all men are actively socialized to think they can or should be a part of it (though they’d never call it “rape culture”–instead they refer to it as “being men” and so forth). The proof of this, I think, is how some gay men assume this is “the way things are” when they deal with other gay men: because “men being men” are just “that way,” therefore in certain gay contexts everyone should want to have sex with anyone/everyone all the time, regardless of whether they are attracted or anything else, because “that’s what men are like.” Lots of stuff that would be considered sexual harassment, assault, or even in some cases rape had it occurred between a man and a woman are, in a gay context, “just boys being boys” and it’s “how it is,” etc.

While I have been quite sure of it otherwise for a very long time, this matter is one thing that made me even more certain that I’m not a man (and thus cannot be gay in any conventional sense), because I would actually say no…and, as someone who doesn’t get approached often, of course, I’m not supposed to react that way, I’m supposed to be grateful for whatever attention I get and let them do whatever they want to me, etc. Fuck that noise, needless to say…

And, of course, for my troubles, when I have said that there is something wrong with this kind of interaction, I’ve been told: a) I have “internalized homophobia” because that sort of interaction is how homosexuality “should be” in a world unfettered by heteronormativity; b) that because I’m not gay or a man that I have no place critiquing a culture I’m not part of; and c) that I’m “sex-negative” because I don’t wan to have sex with anything and everything that comes along. “Saying no is for chicks” is something I’ve also been told…which I guess means that I’m a chick, apparently. 😦

The worst part, I think, is that this doesn’t get talked about or called out as problematic; and, one area that it most certainly doesn’t and hasn’t been questioned within is queer (usually meaning “gay”) spirituality, and that pisses me off even more.

Needless to say, this is a problem that has many ramifications, and I wish there were something better that I could personally do about it other than do everything in my power to not be like that (which I’m pretty successful with at this stage, but still…).

I’d encourage you never to read any comments on any articles related to rape in the military, for the whole “boys being boys” thing, as well as “if you enter the military, you should expect to be raped” peppers just about every response you’ll see.

Rape culture is alive and well no matter what your gender or sexual orientation.

Indeed–both fortunately and unfortunately, I work with military populations, and grew up in a military community (the same one where I work now), and have many female veteran friends who have been raped, sexually assaulted, or sexually harassed; I’m a professor, and I occasionally get papers from current or former female servicemembers who talk about these experiences, and I try to provide them information and help as I’m able, and affirm and appreciate their disclosures in such as much as I encourage them to seek out some outlets that are better and more useful to them than getting a good grade on a paper in an elective course (Religion 101).

While it’s “getting better” to a slight degree, and there is more visibility of the issue within the military (the signs that say “A soldier uses his power to protect, not to rape” and statements like that, though better, are still not ideal for a variety of reasons…since there are female soldiers, they also have power, etc.), it is and still will be a problem until the culture overall changes drastically, alas.

“Damn fine response! As to your question, I’ve done some advocacy work in the past on the topic of Military Sexual Trauma (MST). I backed off for a few personal reasons, but continue to make myself available for interviews with reputable sources; I’m incredibly picky these days. Why?

You should see the comments on anything written in newspapers or anything posted on blogs regarding this topic. If you think the above is offensive, those comments will set you on fire and though I’m an old crone with plenty of life experience under my belt, my skin is still quite thin when it comes to rape culture.

What’s worse is I, like many women I know, have been flagged as “man haters” and called “bitches” when quite the opposite is true. I absolutely love men. I just can’t stand anyone, man or woman, who behaves like a jerk. And the only reason anyone may think me a “bitch” is because, though my skin may be thin, my backbone is made of steel.

It’s been forged of steel from the experiences with far too many, men and women alike, who simply still don’t understand that any woman who has the nerve to stand up for herself, her beliefs, her integrity, and her honor, and is attractive as well, simply cannot be intelligent enough to understand that each human being owns their own body, their own spirit, and their own mind.

I was not put on this earth to be who you (the collective “you”) expect me to be. I was placed here to be who I am now, and who I am meant to become.

The sooner we all understand this, the better off we’ll all be.

Thank you for this post.”

I further clarified my bit about “attractive women”. I hesitated to put this in, but in my case, I felt it important to note because most don’t seem to realize that if one is attractive, there seems to be an automatic assumption no brains are included and the only use is for male satisfaction. This, of course, seems to be what many women encounter, but it has been especially difficult in my experience due to the jobs I held while the ability to work was still viable. And cat calls at the age of 50 are still disturbing.

What is also important to note is that men are raped as well. There seems to be a notion that these men are, by and large, gay. However, heterosexual men are in the majority. What warms my heart are the male survivors (I know one personally) who work tirelessly to bring attention to not only male rape, but also attention to rape culture overall and understand this isn’t just a women’s issue. This is a human rights issue, for we are all human beings and have the right to live as such without molestation.