One Momma's journey of tragic loss, grief, remembrance, love and eventually hope and joy. Thanks to the 500 magical days we had with Peanut on this earth.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Peanut Superglue

Peanut -

Four months ago, fragile was a word I only used to describe delicate, breakable items. Like glass vases or crystal champagne flutes. Never could I have imagined what a new, different meaning that word would take on for me in 2011. Fragile now describes my view of life. Of love and family. Of me. Of everything I used to take for granted. Everything that seemed so...certain.

There are days when the delicate exterior I present to the world starts to crack, crumble thanks to a tiny "ping" from something totally unexpected. But, within the fragility I am hoping to discover a spine of steel. I've seen glimpses of it recently, often with the help of signs and joyful memories from you, my sweet Peanut. Always thanks to the love of Dadda, our friends, family and the community that has surrounded us. The Peanut Superglue that continues to fix the Momma Vase.

For anyone who has friends working through their own personal tragedies, just know they want to feel "normal" sometimes. I know the first conversation is the hardest, but don't shy away. And be prepared for them to bring their emotion to the table. Their tears exist because they love so deeply. I know for me, personally, there is nothing I crave more than being allowed to talk about my Peanut, and to hear all the funny stories my friends have to share about their own children. Even if it brings some tears, it also fills me with a sense of happiness.

I adore the sheer joy I see in every picture of you, Peanut. It shines through - along with your obvious love of the camera and the Momma behind it! When I'm feeling particularly fragile, I have certain pictures that make my heart glow. I've shared one of those magical pictures today.

While my heart and soul have ached for you in a particularly painful way today, the expansive reach of your Peanut Effect continues to awe, inspire and amaze me. I love you Peanuckle, to the moooooooon and back!

1 comment:

I forgot to tell you that the day of Connor's memorial service, I was sitting in my car with Liz's children, waiting for Nick. Andrew was asleep and I had my window down, as did the gentleman in the car next to me. He commented on the sweet children and I explained their Mother was at a memorial service for a dear friend's baby. He looked at me and said, "is it for Peanut?" He had read about him in the newspaper, as have so very many. Peanut will continue to make a tremendous impact, as are you with your wonderful blogs. God bless you and Shaun.

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About Me

On September 12, 2009 I gave birth to a perfect, precious little boy - Connor. My Peanut. And we had him for 500 magical days. On January 26, 2011 he died without warning or explanation (SUDC). This blog is all about Peanut and the amazing impact he has had on everyone he touched.