El Pocho Abogado

Instead of tearing families apart...

Sunday, October 31, 2004

'Nuf Said

You want a mopey, sullen endorsement for Kerry? You're an asexual vegetarian who is still undecided? You're so XHardCoreX that you tough guy image can withstand any attack so you put a pink Morrissey sticker on your laptop? Then here is the election analysis you've been waiting for!
It might also cause you to hum Shoplifters of the World for the rest of the day.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Tuesday Morning

I woke up early and for some reason I've listened to Kraftwerk's Das Model ten times (make that eleven). Morning messes up my constitution.
If anyone saw John Stewart on 60 Minutes could you email me with the scoop, I don't have a TV. I downloaded the Crossfire appearance and thought it was hilarious. I'm starting the "I'm not your monkey" Army.
I have a big man crush on Eliot Spitzer. I think he's the greatest thing since the muckrackers. Down Hill Battle has one more reason to love the man.
Have you heard about the new Prince video? There is some outcry, a few people called it racist. The Arab Anti Defamation League said it was thoughtful. Michelle Malkin (Why does anyone listen to her? Has she ever contributed anything of value to a discussion? Who are these idiots who publish her uninformed thoughtless quotes?) had a typically vapid hate spewing response. You can download it off of Launch, not her stupid quote but the video. I thought it was tasteful, thoughtful and artistic. At the very least it should make you think about the alienation and isolation that can be caused by thoughtless comments that generalize about a diverse group.
And this is scary. Ex-detainees are returning to terror according to yahoo news. To me, and I usually come up with the totally wrong answer b/c I seem incapable of using or understanding Ashcroft Logic(TM), this strengthens the case for some kind of judicial process. If we try and convict the guilty ones we won't be releasing them back. If we can't tell the guilty ones from the innocent ones our law enforcement process will improve itself to distinguish between the two and become more efficient at catching the guilty ones. If we need crazy stuff like evidence to put people in jail for years it might force law enforcement to establish methods of collecting and processing such evidence. This is where I get totally far out. If we have people doing this work, they might be able to anticipate future terrorist attacks. As far as I'm concerned locking people without representation or any due process for years and then letting them go willy nilly b/c we can't tell who's guilty and who isn't is not an acceptable way to combat the war on terror(brought to you by Halliburton, makers of the Iraqi quagmire presidential playset).
I'm going to go drink my coffee now and maybe play some bejeweled. I've got a paper I haven't started on due at 2pm, wish me luck.

Monday, October 25, 2004

The Arcade Fire

As of 8:53:37 AM PST The Arcade Fire is my favorite band. They are the new crack. I went to six record stores to find this CD. It was sold out everywhere. After their show at the CMJ this is THE bandwagon to jump on. The guy at the record store even said that I was slow jumping on this bandwagon. Pitchfork has a typically totally overwrought review that basically says it’s a good CD. You need this, I mean you really need it. They’ve got a pretty website, you can download mp3s at their label, Merge Records. I recommend Wake Up as an intro. Go now.
Just a short digression, what the fuck is the deal with pitchfork media’s reviews. They’re like a pack of teenagers who “will just die if I see Scott Johnson at the mall looking like this.” Most pop songs do not merit references to Camus or Derrida. It’s a fucking pop song. Does it have good hooks? Is it catchy? Did they listen to enough Pixies? Relax.
I’m in Prop Trans right now. I sit about ¾ of the way back. A woman in the first row just yawned. The two people sitting right behind her now yawned, four behind them, about half the next row, and now my row. I yawned too. It’s like the law school variation on the wave. I would also like to mention that the heat is on. I had a couple classes in this room last year and not only did they never turn on the heat, they kept the fucking air conditioning going. We used to wear coats and scarves in this room. This year we have heat. It’s freakin’ awesome. I’m going to go pay attention now.
The heat ended up coming off and on, with intermittent bursts or air conditioning. It’s like a menopause simulator.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Loose ends

There's an article on Slate saying that Bush's Dred Scott comment was a code word to the religious right. I googled it and it checks out. So while he was sitting there saying he had no litmus test for judges, he was saying to the Fundies(my sweet nickname for the Chritian fundamentalists, the phrase is coined, go forth and spread it) that he had a litmus test for judges. This guys a real piece of work, that's some leadership.
On the leadership topic, this is starting to bug me. If you've ever worked you've had a boss who didn't know what the hell he was doing. You or someone else at work probably eventually went up to him and nicely suggested the right way to do something and he ignored it. Suggestions would get more forceful and assertive as the problems at work got worse and worse. Eventually one employee would mouth off bad enough to get fired. Nobody would have ever called the boss a good leader. You call that kind of a boss a dipshit, and then the employees steal anything that's not nailed down. Why don't people apply the same kind of thinking to the president. He's done a shit job (1000 dead and loss of control of 4 provinces in Iraq), he's not listening to anyone (repeatedly said he hasn't made any mistakes), and the company is getting ripped off like mad (Halliburton and KBR). The American public keeps saying he's a good leader. What the hell. This guy is our idiot boss. Since we can't quit and go work for the competition we need to get rid of the boss. Speaking of that some people told me to remind you to vote on my blog, like you're not smart enough to figure that out on your own. Anyway I've said it, now y'all get to it. If you need help here's their website.

Sexual Harassment

I've been researching Title VII sexual harassment stuff lately. It's cool b/c it gives me insight into the Bill O'Reilly case. Basically it works out that Bill is a bad man. The whole Falafel/Loofa thing is just flat out disturbing. The complaint is up at the smoking gun. I've also learned to spell harassment correctly. You can only type harassment into Lexis so many times and get 0 hits before you figure these things out.
Most importantly I've learned that the best reason not to sexually harass someone is not because it's wrong. The first best reason not to sexually harass someone is because sometimes they deserve to get fired and b/c the boss was a sleazeball he's going to pay. The employee could come in late to work every day for a month and miss every other shift, but if the boss was playing grab ass by the copiers it will cost him to fire the employee.
Second best reason not to sexually harass your employees is because you don't want to be on the stand being cross examined and use a term the judge is unfamiliar with. The judge might make you explain that term to him. How great a day would it be if, besides being sued for sexual harassment, the judge stopped the attorney in the middle of questioning and turned to you and said, "Excuse me, I'm unfamiliar with the term 'hummer', explain it to the court." Check out 754 F Supp 1559. It happens.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

EODM

So I was totally at the Eagles of Death Metal last night, or you know
the EODM, and I was standing off to the side drinking my beer. I
totally saw Miss A dancing up front, I totally know it was
her. And the lead singer, or Jesse, is all like "I like to see the
ladies dancing" but he was totally giving Miss A the eye. And
Miss A was all like dancing and stuff and Jesse totally leaned over
and made out with her. I was right there, swear to God. And then He
totally wiped the spit off the corner of his mouth. I was like all
"Did you totally just see Miss A make out with Jesse!"
At the end of the show EODM thanked the audience and then Jesse
totally made out with Miss A again, right in front of everybody.
Everyone saw it and you can totally ask anyone. I was all like "I
can't believe Miss A would just totally make out with some guy right
in front of everybody. I mean even if it is Jesse of EODM, that's
still like totally right in front of everyone."
After the show I was walking back to my car, and I'm not totally sure
about this, but I totally saw Miss A hanging out by EODM's tour van
putting lip gloss on. I swear to God.

Thursday Morning

I woke up this morning and spent the first however many minutes looking for my goddamned Lexis Mug ™. I couldn’t find the fucker anywhere. I was nearly panicked. What am I supposed to do? Put my morning constitutional in my Westlaw mug? I’ve got an image to project. It’s part of my professional reputation. I need a mug that says “This guy is a legal researchin’ fool” or “This cat has some memo writing prowess”. I’m on my way to Lexis Elite Status ™ and I’m supposed to just pick up and put my coffee in a Westlaw mug. I might as well show up to OCI in a double-breasted purple suit, actually with my transcript I might as well show up to OCI in a double-breasted purple suit. I remembered I left my mug in my locker at school.
I finally caved and put my coffee into the Westlaw mug. Winter has started here in Portland and the thin nearly mist/ nearly rain has started. I assumed the Portland winter walking posture as I headed to work. There are two correct postures for riding the bus and walking in downtown Portland, umbrella and non-umbrella (or the standard). I’m a standard, umbrellas are all from California and we all know it. The posture involves hunched shoulders so that your neck stays within your collar and is not a target for errant cold raindrops that may try to fall down your shirt. You then hunch your shoulders to keep your arms close to your body with one hand in your pocket and your other hand grasping your coffee mug to suck the warmth through the walls of the mug into your arm. You keep your brow furrowed and you squint to keep rain getting in your eyes. Every second block you shake your head to get the rain out of your face. If you have glasses you try to look over them b/c they usually fog up and get splattered with tiny raindrops. Squinting, furrowing your brow, and looking over your glasses all at the same time creates an expression that calls to mind a person suffering from dysentery on a long greyhound bus ride. I actually forgot my glasses this morning, along with my lunch, b/c I was so discombobulated from the Lexis Mug ™ search so no dysentery face today.
This position is slightly changed for women. The hunched shoulders, squinty eye thing still goes but they wrap both hands around their warm beverage. This is generally a chai, mocha, or some form of seasonal latte. (Off topic for a second, I see all these office girls wearing culottes lately. What the fuck? I thought everyone knew that culottes were ugly as hell.) They clutch the beverage for all its worth and rapidly walk stiff kneed toward wherever they’re going. If they don’t have the warm beverage they usually tuck their hands in armpits. The seal between their hands and coffee or armpits is usually tight enough that if you used it to package coffee beans, the beans would have a shelf life in the decades.
On the way to work my boxer shorts viciously attacked my left leg. They wrapped so tightly around my leg I think my toes are blue. I had to go to the men’s room to straighten them out but they were so out of control I had to take my pants off and dress myself over again. I blame this all on the Westlaw mug. Damn you Westlaw mug, damn you.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Rockin' Reputation

Some of you may be asking, "Antonio, as an advocate of the Rock N Roll 2L lifestyle how should I express myself while still maintaining my 'professional reputation'?"
This is tough. As I'm sure you were told a hundred times at orientation and a bunch more since, your "professional reputation" starts today. I heard this and thought, well my rock n roll life is completely separate from my law school life and neither will be affected by the other. But the fact is that people at law school will be more likely to judge you as weird for listening to Black Flag than they will for wearing khaki baseball caps and playing beer pong with your "Bros". This makes no sense to me, but that's life. Also, law school financing took a big bite out of my scenstering. I no longer had the means to spend every night at the clubs, pay covers, run up outrageous bar bills, and still maintain my record habit.
So it's a question of balance, a two part test of maintaining the inner rocker against a budget and no time in an extremely image conscious environment.
My answer is called the Talking Heads method. Basically it means buy four or five cool t shirts, liketheseones, and wear them under collared shirts your mom bought you at Ross the last time you were at home. You can wear a beat up pair of Chuck Taylors and mismatch your socks. It's easy b/c you won't have time to do laundry so the only socks you'll have will be an old argyle sock from when you thought Ducky from Pretty in Pink was the look to go for and a black sock that got stuck in your pant leg. Old Chuck Taylors just seem to undig themselves from my closet when I run out of shoes. Everyone else is in the same boat. Old laundry and beat up shoes are the norm after the first three weeks of school. You now fit right in, but the instance class is out on Friday and you head out to catch Mr. Airplane Man, you can remove your Ross shirt to reveal that sassy (It's sassy b/c it has the right Ramones on it instead of that piece of Urban Outfitters [I was excited when I saw all these kids with Ramones shirts, but wondered why they all had that line up and none of them had Tommy or Richie on them and then I found out about Urban Outfitters selling them, not cool] Ramones T shirt. There is nothing sassy about Markie.) which perfectly matches your beat up Chucks and mismatched socks.
The rest of the look is just as easy to cultivate. The pasty complexion will develop on its own after hours in the library. The fluorescent light at your study cube isn't all that different from light diffused through cigarette smoke. The haggard "spent all night at the club" look intensifies with a diet of ramen noodles and totinos frozen pizza and late nights of researching the finer points of Title VII, Prior Restraint, or whatever your favorite doctrine is. Extra research and all nighters will score you bonus David Byrne points. Rock On.

Dirtbombs, general music

I think this is the second time I've posted about the Dirtbombs. I'm too lazy to go looking back through my archives. If I did talk about them before it was probably full of praise and worship for Mick Collins. I went and saw them last night and they were amazing. However I'm first going to talk about the openers.
Starlite Depression and the Ponys opened. The Ponys' lead singer was wearing a plaid thong. It was sticking out of his dickies. The Starlite Depression's lead singer had coordination and body control reminiscent of Phillip Niemeyer. Both bands were great and I'll go see them again.
Now onto the important stuff. Mick Collins has ascended, so far as I'm concerned, into the stratosphere of rockers inhabited by Teengenerate, Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, Bo Diddley, The Sonics, and the Ramones. This is the mother's milk that we need to be weaning the next generation on. The guy is so good that he needs two bassists and two drummers. He's really fucking amazing. This show revitalized me after what's been a busy and tiring 2nd year. So when you go to the record store to by the Eagles of Death Metal CD you should also pick up any Dirtbombs, Screws, and Gories you don't have already.
By the way I've been listening to Eagles of Death Metal a lot since I got it. I now think it sounds more like The Darkness meets Queens of the Stone Age and the Strokes hanging out in the pool room while the Rolling Stones play on the jukebox and someone hums Mungo Jerry. Queens of the Stone Age walks into a bar with Mungo Jerry under it's arm and the Rolling Stones ask "Where you get that?" and Mungo Jerry says "I won it at the fair." Okay that was lame.

Friday, October 08, 2004

La Vida

This semester has been crazy, too much, too often. One of the things that is bouncing around on my radar is H.R. 10. Go check it out, especially sections 3005-10. I think these sections are scary, especially in light of the Chandler debacle in '97 and last summer's paranoia around raids. We don't need to reduce due process on deportations and we don't need to discourage people in the U.S. from getting state IDs and using federally insured banks. If you want to eliminate the mystery of underworld banking you should let people enter the mainstream fold. This stuff is obvious.
I got my first rejection letter, it was expected. I'm not the best student or the worst, but I'm definitely not big firm material. I talked to some other people at school and they're in the same boat. I heard about an end of the year party at another law school where you could exchange rejection letters for drinks. I think at the next SBA meeting I'll suggest that.
I can't make the 1Ls at my school believe it but any other law students out there, I promise you that if you're in law school then you're smart enough to be there. Do it your own way and you'll pass.
I bought some CDs recently, the one I'm most excited about is the Eagles of Death Metal CD I got today. These guys fucking rock. It's beautiful music based in the garage with a touch of Rolling Stones and occasional Mungo Jerry influence.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Interviewing

Well, I went to Seattle this weekend and did a bunch of interviews. It was soul crushing and my ego took a bruising, but on the good side I got to make the dumb "You know Tacoma's an old Indian word? It means pull my finger." joke. Twice. Tacoma has a paper mill and stinks for the uninitiated.
One interviewer noticed some tattoos sticking out from under my sleeve. Her face changed immediately. Another interviewer was into IP, and only IP. On the flip I'm not into IP, and know nothing about IP. I mean if I gave a rat's ass about science I would have taken it in college. I didn't, my transcript clearly shows the only science classes I took had catchy names like "Earth, Wind, and Fire, Geology for non-majors". One interviewer was kind enough to remind me how nice it was outside and that if we didn't have to do this job fair crap we could be out sailboating. I look forward to writing that thank you note.
No interviewer brought up my blawg. I don't really care, except all the cool blawgs have awkward moments during interviews b/c of their blawg. My awkward moments were solely because of my lack of qualifications.
It was nice to see the interaction between students from different schools at the job fair. While Lewis and Clark kids were really supportive of each other, and we tried to be inclusive of the other kids, shout out to Gonzaga and the Cactapple, the other schools were hyper competitive. They logged on to their laptops every two seconds to try and research the firms a little more. They jockeyed in line to sign up for blank interview slots. I like my classmates and I appreciate that we helped each other by running down between breaks and grabbing extra pantyhose for the kids with runs (runs in their pantyhose, not runs b/c they ate too many fresh apples at Pike's Farmer's Market), by lint brushing the bejesus out of each other, and tweaking ties, teasing hair, talking each other up and spilling the scoop on the personal interests of interviewers for the next guy when ever we got an insight.
I think I just broke my mutha fuckin' CD player, I'll feel y'all later. No, just fixed it.
I don't get all this competition stuff. If I'm not qualified, yeah I started this sentence with if( If the President can claim he's an optimist while there's been more than 2300 attacks in Iraq in the last 30 days I sure as hell am entitled[ BTW after the debates NPR had a thing where they talked to people in other countries to see what they thought about the debate. I didn't know they were showing it outside of the country. I was suddenly totally embarrassed. I think the emabarrassment is akin to the kid with the alcoholic father that shows up at school drunk shouting in the hallway.] to look on the bright side of my transcript.) because there's a chance, then they won't hire me. If I am qualified I'll be hired on how well I get along with them, not how I can out compete them as we work together.
That's it for me tonight, I'm hella behind because of this weekend and need to get some sleep.

Friday, October 01, 2004

The Fifteen

I was riding the bus downtown to meet friends. I was going to have a good time, we'd drink and gossip and wish each other well while assuring each other that the firms at OCI would be insane not to give each of us offers. Meanwhile we all feared that we will never get an offer because they could tell right away we were frauds. It'll still be a few weeks before we know how much was paranoia and how much was an honest assement of the facts.
Anyway, the busdriver had an awesome voice. He would announce the stops before we got there, but not harshly in a "7th stop" perfunctory demand. "Get off now or forget about 7th". He meowed 7th into the PA. Softly, it inclined the passengers into silent dialouge. A cool spill from his lip announced "Avenue 2" and I thought of Chet Baker. This was the cool jazz bus. We didn't isolate from each other, but we didn't talk. We glanced at the adds, but sighed and thought about life. There was no talking, no anticipation, we'd get where we were going. It was cool. It was "4th".

El Pocho Abogado is an attorney and it's go time. He revels in the springeresque world of domestic relations law and is no longer able to be shocked. He's currently scanning myspace for pictures of opposing parties doing bong hits with their children. He would like some Carne Asada Tacos. He is interested in Rock N Roll, the news, and La Causa. If you are new wave then he is single. Email El Pocho Abogado