Reflections of the Past

I wrote this a few years ago when I was still single. I decided to post this in the hope that it may resonate with someone else…

As we approach a New Year, we say goodbye to the year that has just passed. This year for me, personally was very monumental in the sense that I found I grew more in this year, than any other year of my life, in more than one way.

Sometimes the deepest pain is responsible for such lessons to be learnt. They say, “No pain, no gain”. Through all the pain I have felt, I have gained so much in lessons to be learnt and due to that, these have become nothing but past experiences and not too much or any regrets as they taught me such lessons.

For most of my life, I was in love with the idea of being in love. So much so, that I always wanted to be in love. This desire blinded me, made me lose my senses in many ways, more than once. I felt the need to be with someone. I felt if I had someone in my life, that I would feel complete. I searched for “happiness” in someone else…I tried so hard, that I got taken for granted.

You see, when this happens, you appear weak…your need for happiness and love becomes pretty evident when you become very committed and very giving, to the point it gets abused. When the other person knows that you are trying so hard, you’ve already shown them your weakness.

Well, I am now at a point, where I can look back and be grateful for the following;

No one to tell me what to wear

No one to try to dictate where I should go or not

No one to tell me which friend/s to join

No one to tell me that I’m spending too much of money

No one to tell me how to drive

No one to stop me from going to the movies or theatre etc

No one to tell me to cook or what to cook

No one to stop me from seeing my family

Okay….so you’ve guessed if you or I had someone “Telling” you to do or not do all that, you’ve pretty much been with the wrong person, because a relationship is not about telling, ordering or dictating etc. It’s about compromise. As long as you have someone telling or trying to tell you what to do, you’ve already lost your independence.

In your mind, you’re doing it out of love, you’re listening to the demands, because you love the person and want to make them happy……but those demands increase and you soon lose yourself and become someone who you don’t even know!

Don’t go that route…..don’t lose yourself trying to please someone. A relationship is about compromise, it’s about a give and take, and it’s about sharing and caring. If it’s only one-sided, it’s not a relationship and you have to re-evaluate whether or not this is what you truly want and feel happy about.

If it’s not, then don’t be in it. Leave NOW! There is no time like NOW to act on what you really want. Do not sacrifice your happiness in the hope that someone is going to change for you. Don’t try to change someone either. When you meet someone, accept them for who they are and if they’re not putting on a visage, it’s better the devil you know that the one you don’t and from that point forward, it’s up to you to decide if you want to be with that person or not.

Relationships and love are not easy. Getting a partner is simple, keeping him or her is not. It takes effort, lots of effort and if you can’t put in that effort, then don’t expect a lasting relationship.

Whether you’re married or in a relationship or just dating etc….it’s all meaningless if you don’t feel alive. A relationship and love should not be the reason you are alive but it should surely inspire you to smile and it should be the reason for your smile. If you’re not smiling, or only smiling on the outside, then re-evaluate your life, where is it going? What’s your purpose in life? Is this where you want to be? Is this the life you dream of having?

If not…..what are you going to do about it?

Don’t be with someone for the sake of being with someone. Find happiness within yourself and then only will you be able to receive love from another. That love should enhance your life and make it exciting etc, but it should not be your reason for existence.

You have only one life and don’t just be alive, LIVE your life. If you don’t have someone special in your life, don’t stop living. Live for yourself, embrace your life and find happiness within.

Anyway, I wrote this note because I know so many people who are sad being single, or in relationships and are unhappy, and I wanted to remind you that you have a choice and that it’s all up to you and how you think and feel and act.

If you want to remain unhappy, then leave nothing changed. If you have really and truly tried everything to make positive changes and it’s not working, then let go…..letting go does not mean you’re weak. It means you’re strong and brave enough to trust there is something better out there for you and you know that you deserve it!

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