8 Things You Need To Know About Dating After Divorce

More than 2 million Americans called their marriage quits last year. The bad news? That's a lot of divorce. The good news? If you're newly single, that's a lot of potential people to date. But first things first: Here's what to expect when you're navigating the singles scene once again.

Only you know when you're ready to date again.
"You'll have a chorus of people telling you it's time, but you need to follow your gut feelings," says Alexandra Solomon, PhD, an assistant clinical professor of psychology at Northwestern University. Her test: Close your eyes and imagine yourself dating. If you feel curious or excited, then you're probably ready. If you're terrified or sad, you need to give it some more time. Been a few years since the divorce papers were final? "Then you might benefit from some counseling sessions to see what's holding you back—for example, a lot of women feel overly self-conscience about their appearance," she says. (Make this your best year ever! Try the New Year, New You Rodale Challenge today.)

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Nope, it's not just something that the kids are doing—online dating is particularly common among divorcees. "Online dating used to be a weird thing, but it's standard now. Pretty much everyone who wants to date after divorce does it," says Patrick Markey, PhD, a professor of psychology at Villanova who is recently divorced himself. He suggests figuring out what online dating service you're most comfortable with—Tinder's based largely on first impressions from photos; Match.com and Eharmony.com generally attract 40+ daters looking for more serious relationships, and Okcupid.com is somewhere in between the two.

His profile might not be honest.
"About 20% of the men I've considered dating weren't who they said they were; they lied about their job or even current relationships," says Tiffany Beverlin, a divorcee who founded DreamsRecycled.com, a website that helps you sell items from your marriage. She checks the social media profiles (especially LinkedIn) of potential dates, and also does a web search before agreeing to meet. By the same token, make sure your online profile is genuine—and keep it short, using bullet points if possible.

Coffee or cocktails is a better first date than dinner.

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"Dinner is too much of a time commitment, because you might not hit it off," says Mary Stuart Deibel, a senior matchmaker at Three Day Rule, a personalized service backed by Match.com. Another reason drinks are a better bet? Since most men tend to insist on picking up the tab, it's not so expensive that you'll feel guilty letting him pay if you don't want to see him again, says Deibel. (Just don't start binge drinking if it's not going well.)

Have an exit strategy in place before the date begins, knowing if you do feel a spark you can always schedule a second date. "It could be something as mundane as 'I have a car appointment at 10:30 so I need to leave by 10,' " says Stan Tatkin, PsyD, author of Wired for Dating. It's also smart to meet at a public place and let at least one of your friends know where you'll be.

Talk of the ex is off-limits—at least for the first time out.
It's tempting to go there, especially if you're both divorced. But the topic tends to be a downer, so try to find other common ground. "Instead of the usual, 'Tell me about yourself,' which is so broad, come up with some questions in advance to ask on the first date," suggests Washington, DC–based psychologist Venessa Perry. A few ideas: When's the last time you laughed hysterically? What books have you read multiple times? What's on your bucket list? "I try to keep the conversation light-hearted," says Michelle Roberts of Atlanta, who was married for 19 years before she called it quits. "I talk about entertainment, my job, and my kids, because I need to know someone that I'm in a relationship with is OK with the fact that I have three of them."

The kids shouldn't meet most of your dates.
Unless you've been in a committed relationship for 6 months (and these signs point to it lasting), don't introduce your kids to your date because they may get anxious or even attached, says Beverlin. If you have joint custody, schedule dates for times when your kids are with your ex, or find a sitter.

It's OK if sparks don't fly.

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Martin Novak/Getty Images

"Chemistry doesn't reveal itself for a while," says Solomon. So don't dis a date you enjoy being around because there weren't sparks on the first outing...or even the fourth. "It's hard not being able to know where the relationship will lead, but trust that it's unfolding and give it time."

Be mature about it.
The practice of blowing off texts and calls from people you're not interested in having a relationship with is becoming increasingly common, says Tatkin. While it's absolutely fine not to want a second or third date, be mature enough to say so rather than just disappear.

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