Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with successhttp://ask.metafilter.com/tags/success
Questions tagged with 'success' at Ask MetaFilter.Wed, 12 Oct 2016 20:46:28 -0800Wed, 12 Oct 2016 20:46:28 -0800en-ushttp://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss60Burnt out on trying for years and yearshttp://ask.metafilter.com/301465/Burnt%2Dout%2Don%2Dtrying%2Dfor%2Dyears%2Dand%2Dyears
I’m nearly 50 and have all but given up on any form of worldly success or financial stability. What now? Although I was a good student and have a bachelor’s and master’s degree in humanities disciplines, I have always struggled to achieve and to make a living. My field is writing/journalism and I’ve mainly worked for local magazines, and have been freelance since 2005. I’ve taken other jobs to supplement my writing, but they’ve mainly been $10/hour, part-time positions that I’ve been bored by and struggled to do well because I am terrible at multitasking in a fast-paced environment. Though I try really hard, I usually end up pissing off bosses, coworkers, and customers and I usually don’t know exactly what I did wrong. I haven’t worked at such a job since March and the thought of going back to an office job or retail fills me with dread. I’ve been bullied at several jobs and struggle to understand and navigate office politics. This has caused me to develop social anxiety. <br>
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My greatest dream was always to be a novelist, yet I have struggled to understand people enough to write characters, and also found it hard to create plots that hold together and make sense. I’m good at shorter forms and nonfiction, yet I am disappointed in myself.<br>
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I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, ADHD, and PTSD. I come from a dysfunctional family in which I was the scapegoat and I believe I’ve had these conditions since childhood. A year ago, I went on meds after realizing that my condition was chronic when I looked at my life history. They definitely help with mood and motivation and some of the ADHD symptoms. But they don’t increase my “spoons.” I have limited mental energy. I always have but it’s gotten worse. My pattern has been that I find it nearly impossible to keep up with mental health self-care when I’m working full-time, and also nearly impossible to hold down a job when I am spending as much time as I need to on self-care in order not to go into a depression or panic attack. I am also in counseling.<br>
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I also believe I fit many of the criteria for being on the autism spectrum or NVLD. I’ve had several assessments done without a definitive diagnosis (I am female), but I’ve been trying for years to overcome the “Aspie issues” without even knowing what they were, with every form of therapy known, and have been unable to. It seems like I have a history of holding down a job for a year or so, but getting burned out at that point. I also (for about five years now) have mild/moderate genetic hearing loss that I’m very self-conscious about and cannot afford hearing aids. This also impacts my job performance and emotional well-being..<br>
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About the PTSD. Three years ago, I was in a domestic violence situation that I escaped from. One thing that my ex did was tell me I was defective due to the above issues. He undid years of therapy with six weeks of abuse at the end of our relationship. That’s when I moved back in with my mom. I spent the first few months depressed in bed, going to counseling three times a week, and barely eating. I got a job six months after my arrival. It was a bad fit, and I felt like I was in a fog the entire time. I was gang-bullied on this job due to not being able to fit in, and my experience there was the last straw in terms of making me think I am not fit to work 40 hours a week, at least not since the PTSD. All my life I’ve felt overwhelmed when it comes to work and much of “adulting,” but I am even more overwhelmed by it now than I was before the PTSD. It was always a struggle before, but I feel burned out from that struggle like I am never going to get any better at these things. I kept thinking I would mature and improve in having my shit together, but it seems like the opposite has happened. A life even with minimum needs getting met seems like such an uphill battle for me, and so effortless to others. Looking back at my life history, it seems hopeless that I will ever live a life that I am proud of, let alone be out of poverty.<br>
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Another factor playing into my difficulties with employment is that my field is one that is dying, and I am only good at, and enjoy, that one thing--writing/editing. I bumble around with anything other than writing, and have terrible executive function. If I am not in a writing environment, I seem slow and ditzy. If I am in a writing environment, my intelligence shows but I’m still seen as absent-minded. As a child, I showed savant-like abilities in language, far above any other aspects of IQ and performance. I believe I have dyspraxia as I feel slow-moving, bump into things a lot, and drop things. I learned to tie my shoes and tell time a couple of years later than average. I’m including these details so you can get a picture of what I am like. I’m embarrassed about my awkwardness so I limit my interactions with people who do not face similar challenges.<br>
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I do have good things in life too. I’m currently working as an editor for a magazine in my community. But it’s on a contract basis and pays less than $500 a month. It’s easy for me and I’m good at it. It barely takes any of my time. I can work from home. I feel like if it were any more demanding than this, I would start fucking up at it trying to juggle everything. I also fear getting other clients for the same reason. I am living with my mother and can barely pay my bills. I come from a family of high achievers and am terribly ashamed. None of them really get how functioning is and always has been such a struggle for me. Intrusive thoughts of shame at not achieving enough have been part and parcel of my entire adult working life and add to the distractions on the job.<br>
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I’m sure that my disdain for the neoliberal, competitive, consumerist system does not help matters. It is damn near impossible for me to get as rah-rah about a job as I am about my creative projects or the people I love. Except for writing jobs, work has always just been because I needed something, anything. And that lack of enthusiasm has caused problems on the job. I try to perform adequately, and on top of that I am expected to expend energy in being bubbly and it is exhausting. I feel like I have two jobs when I have to work with other people. I just want to keep my head down, be left alone, and do my job. I simply do not have the mental energy to shift back and forth between working and enthusiastic social interaction on the job, as is required in the American workplace. I’m not unwilling; I would certainly do so if it didn’t drain me to the point of inertia by Friday.<br>
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In addition to my difficulties with distraction, moods that affect my performance on a job, and executive dysfunction, I also am challenged by issues of poverty such as food insecurity and transportation. (I have food stamps and go to food banks but it’s not enough). I have a car, but coming up with gas money is problematic. I also have people in my life that I care about who are also experiencing mental and physical health issues and I would worry about them if I were away from them for 8-10 hours a day; I have had separation anxiety since childhood and their issues compound that. (I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend, who lives with his disabled mom). They don’t have a car. My mom is kind enough to pay for my car insurance. <br>
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I have a loving and supportive partner, but he has many of the same issues I do. He says he is going to try to get on disability for his mental health issues, and suggested that I try that as well. It feels like giving up to me but I am burned out on trying to live the kind of “normal” middle-class existence my parents have always shamed me for not having. But I'm also burned out on feeling all this shame, too--I did not ask for all these mental illnesses.<br>
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As my 50th birthday looms, I feel like it’s too late to catch up to where I should be in life. It’s a shock that I am technically middle-aged and that some of my peers even have grandchildren. I don’t even feel like an adult yet and I think that if I don’t by now, I never will.<br>
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Despite all of these career and finance-related problems, my day-to-day life is okay because of my mom’s help, and I’m happy with my partner. But it’s my future, and my partner’s future with me, that I’m worried about, and though my mom is the one person in my family who understands, she is not wealthy and she's in her 70s. I want very much to pay her back, though she says I don't have to. I also have student loans and no savings, no 401k or anything like that since the professional world has always seemed so out of reach to me and the downturn hit my industry so hard. <br><br>
What can I do to sustain myself from now on that won’t stress me to death? Is disability the answer?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.301465Wed, 12 Oct 2016 20:46:28 -0800Beethoven's SithAuto-methods and auto-meta-methods of successful people?http://ask.metafilter.com/299218/Auto%2Dmethods%2Dand%2Dauto%2Dmeta%2Dmethods%2Dof%2Dsuccessful%2Dpeople
So Descartes got a lot of things right (and a lot of things wrong), but, arguably, he had vast impact on all science that came after him. He was successful. And, not a ton, but a little bit, he tries to explicitly communicate the method by which he got his results. So, not just the steps he took to get his results, but the method that generated the steps... Are there other "successful" historical (or contemporary) individuals who talk about their methods in surviving sources? Businessmen? Strategists? Generals? Monarchs? Not just their worldviews, conclusions, the steps that the took, and what happened, but the methods they used to generate those steps? <em>How</em> they thought, among other things?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.299218Sat, 13 Aug 2016 12:19:51 -0800zeek321What are the unknown unknowns of opening a restaurant?http://ask.metafilter.com/297345/What%2Dare%2Dthe%2Dunknown%2Dunknowns%2Dof%2Dopening%2Da%2Drestaurant
I may be part of a team opening a new restaurant and bar..... While I've been a bartender at a brand new place, and I've been in restaurant management to varying degrees, I've never been been a fully 'responsible party' / management in a brand new place. The owners would be essentially friends / former co-workers; I'm in no way concerned about being screwed over. I am, however, worried about being responsible for a ton of new things to tackle. I grow increasingly worried about the stuff I might be failing to anticipate.<br>
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General background - I've been in restaurants for 10 years. 2 years BOH, 8 FOH. Only job functions I have not done are GM and chef. The co-owners have been in restaurant FOH roles only, mainly related to hotel/resort places and are looking to me to provide some experience. Concept is likely to be neighborhood bar with plenty of typical bar games. We are at this point 50/50 on building-out a new leased space or rehabbing former restaurant.<br>
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None of the money on the line is mine. I'd likely be considered senior/upper/GM level management once the ball is rolling. Control of the kitchen and menu will hopefully be taken care of by a rockstar chef who is a relative who I hope to bring on as an employee.<br>
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The business at this point will likely be somewhere in the Portland, Oregon metro area.<br>
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Hit me with your best shot. 'Don't do __', 'You're going to fuck up __', bring it on. I will try to respond to any comment.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.297345Thu, 23 Jun 2016 03:30:02 -0800efalkHow to stop feeling like a tree without rootshttp://ask.metafilter.com/291331/How%2Dto%2Dstop%2Dfeeling%2Dlike%2Da%2Dtree%2Dwithout%2Droots
I am struggling with adjusting as an expat and creating a decent life for myself; is there a perspective I'm lacking in turning things around and not feeling as the eternal outsider? You get this kind of question in here a lot I'm sure, in way more eloquent scripts and it has been answered it perhaps in a way or another, but I feel like I have fucked up in every single field of my life. If there was such a thing as reverse pride or something, I'd feel it, because it has to be some sort of accomplishment to mess up effortlessly five things at once.<br>
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I'm in my late 20s and have been living in NY for the past 7 years. I moved here from a troubled part of the world, in the hope of making something of myself with some grace and dignity. Coming from a very poor family, it has been an uphill battle in a very non romantic way; university took waaay longer to finish than most people because I had zero financial support, I struggle to make ends meet in a shitty job while looking for a job in the field I studied which has proven difficult because while others were gaining experience in their field, I was in said shitty jobs trying to pay for school and finish it. <br>
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On top of the practical, there's of course the existential; I struggle with feeling homesick and like I don't belong. I know everyone has that feeling at some point or another, whether they're expats or not, but it is so intense at times that it's crippling my ability to function and have a meaningful, satisfying life. <br>
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I have a hard time relating to most people,who seem so effortlessly successful, surrounded by family and friends, supported by their network and sharing stories of childhood and first loves. All those things for me are in another continent, and here they seem like luxuries I can't even dream of. <br>
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I feel as if everyone has already created their circles since high school or whatever, everyone has a high school sweetheart from fucking 8 years ago and it's as if just no one is interested in making space for someone new. I literally break down in sobs when I see pictures of people with their families on holidays, with their friends throughout the years etc.<br>
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I have a couple friends I made in college and I love them dearly, but after a couple common struggles as broke students that brought us together, their lives now have taken the smooth path they were destined for and I feel like the awkward, single third wheel who just tags along while doing math in their head to see how much their half will be while the rest of the group orders. <br>
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The romantic (LOL) part of my life hasn't been too great either; every single man I've been involved with since moving here has had some unresolved issues with an ex, which has eventually brought about the demise of the relationship because I feel like I can't stack up against their long history and everything they have shared throughout the years and I'm just the foreign outsider.<br>
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I knew the decision to move here would be a tough one and I was prepared for the laborious journey, but I was naively certain that a home would await me at the end of it. I think I was wrong, what has awaited me is loneliness, shame, regret and self blame and a feeling that everyone but me knows a secret or a code on how to make life work here. <br>
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In the meanwhile of course, the family back home looks at me like I am female Jesus for living in the USandA, and every single one of them is waiting to be personally salvaged by me, so it's not like I can turn to them for support, they simply are not capable of giving it; I love them just the same, it's not their fault, it's just how their extremely difficult lives have shaped them to be. <br>
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So, where are my blind spots? Is there any corner of this I can grab and maybe work on? Or do I just call it quits, which right now I don't even know what it would look like?<br>
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Thank you kindly for your time and thoughts.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.291331Mon, 25 Jan 2016 16:02:45 -0800ariadne_88Total Life Failure, What Should I Do?http://ask.metafilter.com/290141/Total%2DLife%2DFailure%2DWhat%2DShould%2DI%2DDo
I have managed to fail at all societal goal-posts as a single late thirty-something woman with no husband, children, job, money or property in Asia, what do I do next? I grew up in a dysfunctional, poverty-stricken family in Asia (I'm Asian) but as a child I always had the hope that life would be better when I became an adult and am able to walk away financially and otherwise. I was a bookish kid and harbored an ambition to be a writer. I figured that I would become an English professor who wrote novels in my spare time.<br>
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Despite my truly hellish environment, all went well and I did pretty well at school until I fudged up my last year of undergrad studies. As a result of my mediocre results, I was forced to leave academia instead of going straight to grad school as I had originally envisioned. I never really recovered from the shock because I had all my eggs in one basket and was totally unprepared for the job market. I also had the luck to graduate during a recession. I bounced around in a couple of dead-end jobs including retail (insert “English major joke”) for a couple of years becoming so miserable at one point that I started binge-eating and became obese (At one point, I was so fat, I had trouble breathing when I lay in bed at night).<br>
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Long story short, I scraped together enough savings to go to grad school on my own dime (Do NOT go to graduate school in the humanities). I went on to waste my twenties wearing rags and living off rice and lentils while my peers were building their careers, travelling the world and dating. I had a horrific time in grad school while writing my dissertation, having to deal with disasters ranging from running out of funding, terminal illnesses/death of family members to my parents getting knocked down by a car. After taking far too long and being advised by everyone I knew to drop out, I finally finished and got my degree but I was far too emotionally damaged and exhausted at that point to go through the further steps necessary for pursuing an academic career.<br>
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I re-emerged in my early thirties into the Real World ™ to find out that all my age peers from high school etc. (including my closest friend) had gotten married, established stable careers, bought property and birthed 2.0 children in the meantime. My closest friend had casually dropped the bomb that she was engaged when she took me out for tea on my freaking birthday while I was still All But Dissertation. That day, I managed to control myself until she left me but I sobbed all the way home IN PUBLIC on the subway (I was worried that people were staring but I just couldn’t keep my tears from falling and kept trying to dab my tears away discreetly with a tissue). I know that my feelings about her engagement are my own issues but could she not have told me on my birthday!? She KNEW that I was insecure about growing old. <br>
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I was facing my thirties single and broke with no usable life-skills (I joke that the only useful thing I took away from grad school was the ability to cook low-budget vegetarian meals based on oatmeal, legumes and rice.) I had no idea what to do next career-wise and went through a number of jobs that I hated again (déjà vu of my early twenties). I quit my last job because I was expected to work hours of overtime every week for free (yes, this is legal in Asia) and I was getting so burnt out my physical and mental health was going down the tubes (increasing weight gain and other maladies). <br>
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I have since regained my health and shed the weight but am now technically unemployed. While at a loss about what to do with my life, an acquaintance who knew I crafted suggested that I make things to sell. So I started making handmade jewelry and set up an Etsy shop a couple of months ago. I have made some sales (both on and off Etsy) but know that I am having trouble making my listings attracting the right eyeballs amidst the plethora of offerings on Etsy. To make things worse, my depression about my life situation is not making things any easier by zapping the energy I need to promote my shop like I know I should be doing. Grad school in the humanities has really equipped me for running a one-woman craft business and I have already made a number of rookie mistakes e.g. listing too many items in a day instead of spreading them out. I may have to get a job soon to make ends meet. (Yes, I know most Etsy sellers have day jobs. If you don’t, how did you do it?)<br>
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I have become a virtual shut-in and social recluse (this trend started in grad school when I was too drained by my dissertation and personal problems to keep up relationships). An extreme introvert to begin with, the burning envy I feel of my peers with stable, successful lives means that I can’t even bear to friend them on Facebook for fear that seeing their status updates/baby photos will lead to my having a total nervous breakdown. Nor do I wish to “update” anyone on my current status as a total life failure so I have basically holed up alone to lick my wounds. At one point, my closest friend implied over the phone that if I only got my life together like her, I could have a husband and a stable career too. This hurt me DEEPLY but I could not bring myself to confront her over it because I was so humiliated. Anyway, the only friend I have left is single, older than I am and non-materialistic so I am able to continue seeing her without beating myself up with comparisons.<br>
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I am a total failure and the black sheep at family gatherings (my parents think I make them look bad in front of the relatives). As a single late thirty-something woman with no husband, children, job or property, I might as well be a non-being in Asian Country. My mother is constantly comparing me to my younger cousins/friends’ children who have married money/made a fortune/bought a house/had a baby etc. (If you’re Asian, you’ll be familiar with the usual Asian parental head games and guilt trips.) According to my mother, I am a “lazy useless fat pig” despite the fact that I have lost so much weight since quitting my corporate job that my BMI is around 22. She says I should be less than 50kg. The other day she told me that my father despised my being a crafter instead of having a “respectable” job. I am just one step away from menopause which will further improve my marital prospects and I just discovered a whole new patch of gray hairs hiding beneath the black. Heck, I even envy divorced women. At least they got to have a wedding and wear a wedding gown once. I got to spend money I could ill-afford as a broke grad student on other people’s weddings and baby showers instead. I have never been a warm, fuzzy person but even I feel ashamed about the schadenfreude I feel when bad things happen to other people (need not even be someone I personally know). It’s like my brain gloats “My life sucks so I’m glad your life sucks too! Hah, don’t expect any help from me!” <br>
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More than anything, I wish I am “special”, talented and successful but just look at the personal track record of life successes I have laid out for you here. Seriously. I am even envious of total strangers on the internet who are a) younger b) prettier c) richer or d) more talented/successful (especially in artistic/creative fields. I wish I could paint like others I see online but I can't afford classes) than I am. According to my mother, I’m headed for a life living on the streets when I get old (there is no social welfare system here and I will have no relatives or children who could care for me since I’m an only child/single/childless etc.). Another possibility is that I will spend the rest of my life in my mediocrity, obscurity and poverty, finally die alone in my shabby rented apartment and no one finds my corpse until I’m mummified. I am also constantly bitter about my poverty-stricken childhood that deprived me of any chance to take lessons in I love like music (I could at least be a music teacher now!).<br>
What should I do next? How do I find happiness and how do I stop constantly burning with bitterness and envy?<br>
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Throwaway email: totallifefailure@gmail.comtag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.290141Sun, 27 Dec 2015 23:25:08 -0800AnonymousAccounts of people who have come back from criminal/antisocial acts?http://ask.metafilter.com/289779/Accounts%2Dof%2Dpeople%2Dwho%2Dhave%2Dcome%2Dback%2Dfrom%2Dcriminal%2Dantisocial%2Dacts
I am looking for narratives of people who turned their lives around after misspent youths. My teen son recently acted out in a violent way and is facing severe school and legal consequences. We don't even know yet if he will be allowed to receive a diploma. He is currently in a partial hospital program learning to deal with his anger. Then he will transfer to a school for kids with emotional problems. I am heartbroken and in mourning for the future I thought he had. Right now I think it would be helpful for me to read about people who were in his situation and who turned it around to become successful. I plan on reading these myself, though I may share excerpts with my son. Books, articles, blogs, whatever you've got.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.289779Wed, 16 Dec 2015 11:06:44 -0800BiblioWhy can't I just be happy for her?http://ask.metafilter.com/284793/Why%2Dcant%2DI%2Djust%2Dbe%2Dhappy%2Dfor%2Dher
How do you control jealousy when someone you love is doing very well and your life is just average? My sister and her husband are very successful. They have an income of about quarter a million annually combined. They have no debt. They are both extremely good at what they do and I am so proud of them. They are humble, hard working and I love them.<br>
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My husband and I make about 70K a year. We have a little debt (we are taking care of it slowly), and we are overall okay, but I always had a nagging feeling that I could have become more successful professionally/financially, and I regret choosing a career path that wasn't super profitable.<br>
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My sister and I are both in our early 30s. My sister is really kind, considerate, generous (even when she had very little money), and even though I would never ask her, I know she would not even think twice about helping me financially if I ever needed it. <br>
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The money itself is not so much the problem. I mean, I know her kids will have a richer life than mine (private school, trips, etc.), and that makes me wish I had those things, but I think most of my negative feelings are because I equate financial success with success at life. I am reasonably happy with my career, but this income disparity has confirmed my fears that I might be kind of a loser and that I may have made the wrong decisions. We are both living in the US, but we are originally from a culture in which wealth = success = how valuable you are. I know our parents are very vocal about being proud of both of us, but I can't help feeling I failed them. The thing is my parents are also wealthy and successful so I feel a little like the black sheep.<br>
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My sister and I have always been really close and I feel terrible for having these feelings of jealousy. I know I should be happy for her, but I just can't focus on the good things in her life without thinking about how I don't have them. At the same time I feel like the life style differences will drive us apart and this really freaks me out.<br>
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How do you kill feelings of jealousy about the success of a loved one?<br>
How can I learn to be proud and happy for my sister, without feeling like I failed at life?<br>
How can I learn to live with the differences in our life styles, when she travels all around the world and experiences amazing things, and all I can do is go hiking to my local park?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.284793Mon, 24 Aug 2015 07:39:10 -0800ADentNon-monetary rewardshttp://ask.metafilter.com/283780/Non%2Dmonetary%2Drewards
How do you reward yourself (for achieving goals big or small) without spending money? I am not destitute. I <em>am</em> working my way along the brambly path to lifelong frugality. Many of the achieved goals I'd like to reward myself for are financial goals (putting $X in a savings account per paycheck, packing my lunch and coffee all week, saying no to a potential impulse buy). <br>
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Yes, I realize that I am not a dog, and I do not need a 'treat' every time I do something correct. The reward is often in the achievement itself. However, it can be very difficult for me to always appreciate the long term benefits of goal-achievement. I have overcome many of the impulsive, stimulation-seeking symptoms of my ADHD, but the urges are never going to disappear for good. I gladly accept that I am a work-in-progress and see life as a journey of continuous self-improvement.<br>
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It would be not just <em>nice</em>, but also cool, challenging and <em>inventive</em>, to feel like I could occasionally reward myself <em>without</em> spending money. I've tried to dream up examples of 'non-monetary rewards' on my own*. Inevitably, even seemingly 'free' things still require some funds like a little bit of gas money, or using up disposable items in my house that I'll then have to spend money to replenish. (That is the reality of disposable household items, yes: but the less of them that you use, the longer they will last. ...Right?) <br>
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So, how do <strong>you</strong> reward yourself without spending money? I'm open to any ideas, whether they seem like they may apply to my situation or not.<br>
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<small>*I will say that my Zen meditation Meetup group (we meet once a week) is a great, free reward in and of itself. I also meditate at home. But I'd like to keep it diverse so that there's always a list of new or different rewards to which I can look forward, as I am (once again) impulsive and easily bored. So far I've come up with "go edible mushroom hunting" (this is already one of my other personal pastimes, but the best nearby places for mushroom hunting require at least a 40 minute roundtrip drive, which = gas $$), "invite friends over for a potluck/BYOB" (but, most of my friends live 30min to 1hr or more away and have lives just as busy as my own, so this is not simple to organize - plus I'm still spending money to provide my own contribution to the potluck) and "barter items I no longer need or want for ones that I do" - like a tea/tisane trade? Geo-caching, maybe? I did a search recently and there appears to be a pirate's booty worth of geocaches right outside my home (seriously, foot steps - I live in a historic downtown) and yet I have no idea how to start.</small>tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.283780Sun, 02 Aug 2015 09:15:32 -0800nightrecordingsPodcast with interviews of people who were struggling, now are successfuhttp://ask.metafilter.com/283200/Podcast%2Dwith%2Dinterviews%2Dof%2Dpeople%2Dwho%2Dwere%2Dstruggling%2Dnow%2Dare%2Dsuccessfu
I'm looking for podcasts featuring interviews of people who, for a time in their life, were really struggling - terrible luck, financial disaster, serious illness - who were able to pull it all together and become comfortably successful. I'm also interested in podcasts featuring people who never really recovered, but have ended up with something to be interviewed about anyway.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.283200Mon, 20 Jul 2015 16:49:01 -0800WasabiFluxI have to have a root canal on ole #19 and its rather "touch and go" http://ask.metafilter.com/283149/I%2Dhave%2Dto%2Dhave%2Da%2Droot%2Dcanal%2Don%2Dole%2D19%2Dand%2Dits%2Drather%2Dtouch%2Dand%2Dgo
Has only a 50% chance of success (internal resorption.)
Is there anything I can do to help the procedure survive?
If it fails its going to be a huge problem as its an anchor on a 4 tooth bridge and it will have to be extracted, etc. - causing me a bundle of money.
Anything I can do to help it along....diet, vitamins, pillow adjustment, abstain from alcohol??
Thanks.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.283149Sun, 19 Jul 2015 18:44:00 -0800TullyogallaghanHow to get over an inferiority complex...when I am actually inferiorhttp://ask.metafilter.com/278396/How%2Dto%2Dget%2Dover%2Dan%2Dinferiority%2Dcomplexwhen%2DI%2Dam%2Dactually%2Dinferior
Most of my former college and high school classmates are doing really well (academically/professionally) and I am...not. I'm upset at myself for not taking advantage of opportunities I had in the past and the fact that I am so far behind them and may not actually be able to ever get to a similar level. How do I get past this? I know this seems improbable but it really seems like the vast majority of people I knew as a youth/in school are doing really really well for themselves--everyone is in fancy jobs, top ranked graduate + professional programmes etc. while I still haven't finished undergrad and have done really poorly there so far and it looks like I'll have limited prospects post-grad.<br>
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I feel like this is a stupid question, because it's unfair of me to be (privately, of course) resentful of my peers and classmates for being successful because they put in the effort etc. and I clearly didn't, so it is the natural outcome. But I'm so obsessed with other people's successes that I just feel like anything I do from here on out will be pointless, because I'll always be mediocre and "behind" them. The fact that it was my fault and I didn't have any adverse circumstances (I actually think I had a lot of advantages) makes me feel worse because I just spend a lot of time ruminating over past mistakes but never really fixing them because I always feel like it's "too late" to make any difference, and also because it's kind of pathetic to be so mediocre (or below) when you really had no excuse to be.<br>
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I don't really think I am depressed anymore, and therapists I've had thus far haven't been very helpful with this specific issue. It just doesn't seem like something mental-health related, more like related to circumstances and my own flaws. But I guess the crux of my question is <strong>how do I care less about what other people are doing + move past regrets of not doing well like them?</strong> I feel bad for asking this question because it reaaaaally makes it sound like I think I'm entitled to a good future but I really don't feel that way (at least not since I was a teen)--more like I'm just kicking myself for wasting opportunities and I'm reminded of that every day because the vast majority of my peer group are being successful? I'm not saying their lives are perfect or anything (I would suspect that a good chunk of them have probably faced more adversity than I did because I was very sheltered) but that actually makes me feel worse, because they are able to do well despite (I'm sure) having a lot of other shit to deal with.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.278396Tue, 07 Apr 2015 14:52:40 -0800hejratAcademic and creative freedom ... behind a mask or not?http://ask.metafilter.com/268950/Academic%2Dand%2Dcreative%2Dfreedom%2Dbehind%2Da%2Dmask%2Dor%2Dnot
Got a PhD, got a cushy research job that I really like, but have extracurriculars that I'd like to pursue and have concerns about pursuing them under my real (academic) name. I am a researcher in a social science field - something like health economics. I've got a great full-time job at an independent, nonprofit research institute (sort of a cross between a think-tank, a consulting firm, and an academic research center at a big university). All of my work is funded by government contracts or grants, but I haven't yet had to do much of my own grantwriting. I really like my job and am well-paid with a sweet, flexible schedule that doesn't require much more than 40 hours a week.<br>
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I also have several passionate extracurricular interests. I get curious about something and do a deep dive to try to understand it, and inevitably I want to do something with what I've learned. Specifically, right now I'm really interested in food science and cultures as they relate to fungi, bacteria, yeasts, fermentation, and the human microbiome. I don't have any formal training in this area, but am enjoying teaching myself.<br>
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I'm also really interested in cannabis legalization and the various implications of what's happening around that. I have the academic qualifications to do some of this research, but haven't published anything directly in the field yet. My own institution turned down an application I submitted for a small, internal grant, saying my application was "somewhat premature" -- I suspect this is related to my lack of publications in that area (I have plenty of other pubs).<br>
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I'd really love to do work in both these interest areas. Ideally, someday I'd like to go out on my own and start a small research group/home business (or two) focused on one (or both) areas. So I've started laying the groundwork by building a couple of websites (which I will share via PM if you're interested).<br>
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So here's my first question. If you were in my shoes, would you put your full, real name on the website mastheads/about pages for these sites? I hesitate because I'm worried about someone from one of the government agencies that funds my work finding it. But I'd like to start building a reputation (and developing my own expertise/knowledge base) through blogging about both topics. I'd like to be able to be really clear about my credentials (for the cannabis site especially), but I'm not sure how specific I should be.<br>
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Second, related issue: I'm also a musician. After spending the past 10 years in school, I'm finally ready to turn my attention back to music again -- specifically, I want to explore solo home recording projects and pursue some kind of regular musical collaboration, even if just a weekly jam session, with other people. So here's my second question: would you, in my shoes, use a pseudonym/stage name for your muscial projects? I have one picked out already and have started to think about branding (for lack of a better word). But at the same time, it feels a little schizophrenic to be dividing myself in that way. I really respect people like <a href="http://dataclysm.org/author">Christian Rudder</a>, cofounder/president of OKCupid and member of the band Bishop Allen, for having a coherent identity that seems pretty holistic. But again, I worry about clients shying away from awarding contracts if they Google me and find out I have this... um... edgier side.<br>
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Open to any and all advice about this issue -- which I guess boils down to having fractured identities versus a single coherent story and the risks associated with each option. Thanks in advance for your help. I'd appreciate knowing your approximate age when you answer, since I suspect there may be generational trends in the responses, as well as your own personal experiences with having/not having a single identity.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.268950Tue, 23 Sep 2014 18:16:14 -0800sockpuppetryartsDress me for success -- First Impressionshttp://ask.metafilter.com/262593/Dress%2Dme%2Dfor%2Dsuccess%2DFirst%2DImpressions
I've got an interview tomorrow. I've googled the metafilter answers which are not quite right. I've been picked to interview tomorrow. Admin assistant job in educational setting -- but two grades above current. I have dress slacks of many shades, ditto jackets, and nice brown and black shoes. My only black suit is wool, so, no. I've been in the same position for twelve years. The last feedback I got was in the late 90s when someone told me, "You dress like the 70s and that's why you can't get a job." (I bought clothes after that with the help of a savvy sympathetic friend). Female, slightly overweight, early 50s (I have been told I look younger), curly (sloppy) hair. (I must tame it but I am not sure how). Midwest. Also: I am always afraid of staring and so look away. How do I know how long to make eye contact?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.262593Tue, 27 May 2014 15:08:21 -0800intrepid_simpletonArticle about successful people who use just one software tool.http://ask.metafilter.com/261067/Article%2Dabout%2Dsuccessful%2Dpeople%2Dwho%2Duse%2Djust%2Done%2Dsoftware%2Dtool
A few years ago, perhaps 5-10, I read a brief article by someone who interviewed a number of strikingly-successful somewhat-famous people and concluded the one thing they all had in common was that they relied on a single software tool for nearly everything. Can you point me to the piece? As I recall, the tools were all different, and often ill-adapted to the tasks, but what was common was that a very small number of tools were used to do just about everything.<br>
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I'm 80% sure it was online text, with radio a slight possibility, and I saw it within the last decade. The tone was very much <em>The Verge</em> or <em>edge.org</em>, and I'm sure I found it linked from elsewhere. But, my search engine skills are no match for the sea of SEO crap that includes all the words I'm interested in.<br>
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Because it supports all of my biases and habits, I've found myself mentioning the article fairly often in casual conversation in the last few years. But, I'd sure like to have a reference, and to check that it's not embarrassingly bad.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.261067Mon, 28 Apr 2014 21:15:30 -0800eotvosSmall business guru, may I sit at your feet?http://ask.metafilter.com/259920/Small%2Dbusiness%2Dguru%2Dmay%2DI%2Dsit%2Dat%2Dyour%2Dfeet
You've started a small business, things have been tough, you've been staring down the barrel of failure, but you've turned it around, you made it work. How did you do it? What changes in practice and attitude really made a difference to your success? What resources did you draw upon? I'd really like to hear how you made it through the tough times. If your business is arts/craft related, even better. I'm really just looking for inspiration, but it might help you to know:<br>
A year ago I took a massive leap and returned home to my native country after 23 years. I reasoned that it would be the only way the (very) long distance relationship I'd started would work. Plus my parents are both very frail and I wanted to help. <br>
I spent most of my savings setting up a ceramics studio and set about making ceramics - without other work to prop me up for the first time. <br>
A year down the track and my savings have dwindled; I've set up a classroom and am teaching classes, which are keeping the wolf from the door, but not enough to stop my savings leaking out the door. The ceramics side is developing, but is only a tenth of my income, and I'm leaning on my new partner a lot more than I would like. I'm open to taking other work, and have done a little debt collecting (against my better instincts, but I felt I couldn't be picky). Unfortunately the area I'm in is just recovering from the slump and jobs - certainly arts related ones - are very thin on the ground.<br>
It's been a very stressful year dealing with my new country (even though it's my old one!), new relationship, aging parents and business/financial worries. If I carry on as I am I'll be flat broke in 4-5 months. Have you been in a similar situation? How did it pan out? I'm particularly interested in changes you made that really made a difference. <br>
Thanks (O enlightened many!)tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.259920Mon, 07 Apr 2014 08:57:09 -0800M.OnnikerHelp me vanquish my green-eyed monster!http://ask.metafilter.com/258521/Help%2Dme%2Dvanquish%2Dmy%2Dgreen%2Deyed%2Dmonster
How can I stop feeling envy about my friends' successes? One of the things that I consistently find least admirable about about myself is my capacity for envy. While this has been something that I have always recognized in myself, I feel like it has probably intensified over the past couple of years as I have been increasingly unhappy about my own situation and the choices I made that created it (more <a href="http://ask.metafilter.com/257723/How-can-I-come-to-terms-with-mistakes-I-made-in-my-20s">here</a>). Many of my friends now are in situations that I consider very enviable in various respects, especially compared to my own. <br>
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A good example of this (and what has directly precipitated this AskMe) is something that happened last night. I had dinner with a friend of mine who is also a PhD student (in a very employable field, unlike mine). He mentioned that everything is going really well for him: he has recently had multiple journal articles accepted for publication, he may have a job offer at a major research university, and he's on track to submit his dissertation by this summer (a year ahead of most). (I, on the other hand, am having a huge amount of dissertation stress, am running out of funding this summer and all my recent final-year funding applications have been unsuccessful, and I am having serious doubts about wonder whether I will be able to finish and submit ever; I also am struggling with getting my *very first* journal article into publishable form, and no longer want an academic job anyway.) Even further, this friend met someone fairly randomly a few months ago, they turned out to have an uncanny amount in common, a really wonderful communication dynamic, and are now in a serious relationship and are talking about marriage. You need to trust me that knowing him and the type of personality he has (INTJ), I have no doubt that this will happen: he is very clear-headed and not prone to fits of romanticized fancy or emotional pendulum swings based around soulmates, and if they think they are a good match and are thinking about marriage, they really are. He has never dated or been in a relationship before, and seems through serendipity (his word) to have on his very first try fallen into the exact thing that he (and I) would most have desired. I have various other friends like this - friends who have had an enjoyable and stress-free PhD with lots of time for extracurriculars and plans to submit on time; friends who have been readily offered (some without even asking!) lots of stipend and grant funding; friends with rich and generous parents who have no financial worries during their PhD; friends whose grandparents gave them a condo or a car or a continuing allowance; friends who don't work out or diet and still don't struggle with how their body looks and seem to look effortlessly thin and beautiful; non-academia friends who fell into a lucrative and satisfying career; friends who made the right choice the first time around, went to med school, and are now in residency and about to have awesome employment; friends who have randomly met someone who was an excellent fit (the first time they dated anyone!), and got married less than a year later and are - as far as I can see - blissfully happy; etc. Many of my friends are multiple of these things. <br>
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For me, the past few years, and really my whole life, has been a long slog. I have long felt like the prodigal son's older brother. I have painfully clawed my way up for many many years to get where I am, and have sacrificed so much that I value to do it. Even putting in 110%, I feel I am barely performing adequately (broke, barely managing to look reasonably attractive (maybe), struggling with my PhD, no article publications yet, etc.). On paper perhaps I look good, but nothing good seems to happen easily for me. Everything I have ever gotten - stipends, grants, etc. - has been through sheer force of me throwing myself at it enough times, at great personal pain. Many of my friends, by contrast, really seem to lead lives that are charmed in at least one respect, and often many. Spending time with these friends makes me feel horrible and deeply envious (and I'm at one of the top universities, so pretty much all of my friends are like this - golden people who are seemingly effortlessly accomplished). I came home from this lovely dinner with my lovely friend and cried for a while, and still feel miserable about it. In fact, one of the biggest reasons I left Facebook was that I realized that I invariably felt horrible after spending time on it looking at my friends' boyfriends, husbands, graduation ceremonies, jobs, vacations, presents, babies, etc. I was tired of that familiar tightness in my stomach and fevered rush as I would flick through friends' wedding albums, so I just decided not to do Facebook anymore. This made my life somewhat better, but obviously you can't just quit social life like you can quit Facebook (nor would I want to).<br>
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I want to make clear that these friends are wonderful people who deserve every good thing that comes their way (to the extent that anyone "deserves" good fortune). The problem here really is with me. I don't want to cut off any of my friendships. My friends really are great people - moral, intelligent, hard-working, witty, fun to be with, successful, beautiful - and I am proud to have them as friends. I don't want to be envious, unhappy, bitter or resentful; basically, I don't want to be the sort of person I'm describing myself to be above. I love my friends and I want to <em>want</em> to rejoice in their successes with them. How do I do this?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.258521Tue, 11 Mar 2014 10:59:43 -0800ClaireBearhow do really busy and successful people manage it all and stay sane?http://ask.metafilter.com/257203/how%2Ddo%2Dreally%2Dbusy%2Dand%2Dsuccessful%2Dpeople%2Dmanage%2Dit%2Dall%2Dand%2Dstay%2Dsane
I've taken on a lot of work recently and I feel like I am at capacity, yet it seems like other more successful people manage to do so much more, and with greater efficiency.
How do these people manage to use their time so well? Maya Angelou worked in hotel rooms, <a href="http://lifehacker.com/im-charles-duhigg-and-this-is-how-i-work-1511638172">this guy</a> sits at a desk for hours no matter what, Michell Rhee uses two phones at once, <a href="http://www.daveramsey.com/blog/20-things-the-rich-do-every-day">44% of wealthy people</a> wake up 3 hours before work, and me, I sometimes refer to a todo list.<br>
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But I'm so busy that I stop eating and going to the gym. What am I missing?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.257203Sat, 15 Feb 2014 14:08:36 -0800jander03Dust myself off? Okay, how?http://ask.metafilter.com/255098/Dust%2Dmyself%2Doff%2DOkay%2Dhow
At the age of 50-something, it appears that I've seriously failed at life. Some years ago, I left a stable and well-paid career for one that I thought would be more interesting. It did not work out. I cannot return to my old career. It's significantly changed and the few jobs there are go to new graduates. I am currently self-employed and can barely pay my bills. I am constantly anxious about money and am afraid I will end up homeless. I have practical ideas about how I might change things for the better, but I see myself as an unreliable loser who cannot be counted on, so I feel no enthusiasm about my plans. I am horrified at the mess I have made of my life and reflect on it constantly. I don't know anyone else in similar circumstances. Has anyone here been in a similar situation? How did you move forward? How did you convince yourself that you could turn things around? (I already take antidepressants, and they make a huge difference.)tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.255098Fri, 10 Jan 2014 13:24:13 -0800Anonymous3 motivational tools to help me rock 2014http://ask.metafilter.com/254312/3%2Dmotivational%2Dtools%2Dto%2Dhelp%2Dme%2Drock%2D2014
I want an app, a visual reminder &amp; a sound track. 2014 is going to be my best year yet, and I need some tools to make it work. iPhone app<br>
So I want the app to count things for me, but the things I want to count. Ideally, if I was designing it, I would be able to put in a list of things: nicotine craving conquered, glass of water, 1000 steps, medication taken, chore done. Each of these would then be a button, when I accomplished any of them, I could open app, my buttons would be there, and I could press one, and at end of day, or week or month I could see how fucking awesomely I was doing! If there isn't one, a simple/easy alternative?<br>
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Visual reminder - if I can't see it- I forget it - even if its important to me. Job, study, goal etc. calendars and gantt chart. shopping list. morning routine, motivational sayings. handbag contents. I'm in rental accommodation which does not allow nails in wall. Not to mention that the walls are concrete. I've never had much luck with the stick on hooks (middle of night, 2 months after applying, light clock throws itself to ground) so sticking up whiteboard is not going to work. I've though of buying a piece of ply - say 1m x 2m (3 foot x 6 foot), leaning it against the wall, and nailing things like whiteboard, and cork board to it. But maybe you guys can think of something better. Please think of something better. <br>
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Thirdly, soundtrack - all genres. Covering themes like "it's my life", "I don't care what people think", "I can do anything", "take care of yourself - its the only way through - don't wait for someone to take care of you", "stop thinking so much &amp; do something", "one step at a time", "its tough, but you can do it", "sure, everyone says stupid things - everyone already forgot the stupid thing you just said", "veges are yummier than booze", shit, you know what I mean. I need to believe in myself, and be fierce and stop looking outside of myself for validation. I do not want any music that uses abuse to motivate - like get off your arse, you lazy shit. And maybe even some stuff that helps me to connect and feel part of human race like REMs everybody hurts, Tanya David how to be alone (http://youtu.be/k7X7sZzSXYs), frank ze's chill out song.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.254312Thu, 26 Dec 2013 17:48:37 -0800b33jHelp me focus less on my fears and more on my dreams. http://ask.metafilter.com/249667/Help%2Dme%2Dfocus%2Dless%2Don%2Dmy%2Dfears%2Dand%2Dmore%2Don%2Dmy%2Ddreams
I'm struggling with a lack of self-confidence and undercurrent of doubt, and hoping that I might be able to shift my attention more towards what I hope for the future than what I fear from it. What are some simple techniques that I can use to gradually move the spotlight over to the positive? Looking for very concrete exercises or practices.
Something like: “start each morning writing a vision of what you want.” Would that actually work? I'd think it might just freak me out more, make me feel guilty that I'm not there yet. But something concrete like that.
Thanks. Snoooowflake:<br>
I've noticed that I spend a lot of my time worrying about “ending up a failure” and/or regretting how I've “already wasted my chances.” I can guess that this comes from childhood, hearing my mom talk about her own life that way. While I tried my best to reject that view of the world, I can hear it in my own thoughts all the time. Maybe because my plan to escape that sense of failure was to be a world-wide success by age 18. When that didn't happen (I literally remember crying on my birthday because I hadn't become “successful” yet), I pushed it to 22, 25, 30. Well, I'm 30 now and I haven't even hit the first rung of success in my field (publishing a book). And now I have a full-time job and split my free time between guiltily playing video games and writing while sentiments like “if you were really talented at this, you'd be a success by now,” and “maybe if you played less f***ing video games you'd be a success by now and wouldn't have to whore yourself out to the Man for a paycheck” whirl through my head. When I can tamp down the self-criticism, sometimes I remember that the reason I wanted to be a writer is because I like it! But those are rare times.<br>
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((And before you suggest it, yes I've tried CBT, which I understand is meant to deal with just these sorts of “thought disorders.” I felt like it just made me more neurotic about my own thoughts. <br>
And before you suggest it, yes talk therapy, I has it. But it's slow, I don't go that often, I don't get to talk about everything, and when this comes up it usually spirals into talking about my mother, not ending in concrete exercises or techniques I can use.<br>
And before you suggest it, yes antidepressants, I has them too.))tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.249667Fri, 04 Oct 2013 16:08:45 -0800CalicattWhat was the business book I read five years ago?http://ask.metafilter.com/243878/What%2Dwas%2Dthe%2Dbusiness%2Dbook%2DI%2Dread%2Dfive%2Dyears%2Dago
I read a business book about five years ago that was about creativity and success in the workplace. It was a creative approach to business for hip young professionals. I remember it had red/pink drawings/scribbles on the cover and came out some time around 2008. It had a rather clever title. Do you know what I'm talking about? I recently started compiling a list of all the books I've ever read for posterity's sake, and I've had trouble remembering some. One of them was a "business" book about how to make your employers see you as an asset by being more creative or something like that. It was a somewhat unconventional approach, and I feel it had something to do with being more creative in the work place with ideas like proposing your own projects. It had somewhat clever title. It wasn't your standard business book, it was almost a kind of hip approach to business for hip young professionals. I remember it had a bunch of drawings on the cover in red/pink pen ink, almost like scribbles. That was the defining thing I remember about it. It was a fairly new book when it came out around 2008 or so. Does anybody have any ideas on what I'm talking about? Please help.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.243878Sun, 30 Jun 2013 22:31:18 -0800dargerpartridgeHow do I learn to master failure with grace?http://ask.metafilter.com/239729/How%2Ddo%2DI%2Dlearn%2Dto%2Dmaster%2Dfailure%2Dwith%2Dgrace
What resources, whether they're books, websites, or other media address how to stop letting success and failure affect me so much? In other words, how can I start accepting failure as an inevitability? For a very long time I have been letting my success and failures define my happiness. It's very draining keeping my self-confidence and contentment wrapped up in external events, and I'm tired of it. To top it off, I don't think I ever really learned how to deal with rejection and failure in a healthy way. I tend to internalize failure, and it only makes things worse. I don't want to try again. I shut myself down from constructive criticism. <br>
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As an aside, I've been practicing mindfulness meditation for the past two years. While this is helpful in recognizing when these thoughts are intruding, it's not exactly a fix in stopping them. I still get down when an outcome does not arrive as expected, even though I am aware that outcomes won't always arrive as expected.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.239729Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:12:36 -0800helios410Survivor stories - persons living well despite chronic pain.http://ask.metafilter.com/239195/Survivor%2Dstories%2Dpersons%2Dliving%2Dwell%2Ddespite%2Dchronic%2Dpain
Encouragement and survivor stories from persons in chronic pain? Symptoms of what may be fibromyalgia and an inability to manage the pain well are depriving my life of beauty, art, and color; I am looking for underdog stories. I'm curious to hear from people, preferably musicians, in video interview, but written is also welcome, who have some combination of: chronic pain, a joint issue, fatigue, a diagnosed or undiagnosed medical something-or-other, that has proven to them a great struggle to overcome. Essentially I'm looking for stories of people desperate to retain some sense of freedom, control, and joy in their lives, and what that struggle has been like .<br>
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Myself I'm not sure what I have, maybe fibromyalgia, maybe something else, but yet another semester has come to pass and I've had to slow my life down to a crawl in order to get the most simple of assignments in; the pain has been so distracting. I added a fun class to my course lineup but even that feels as though stripped away from me.<br>
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As the semester began, playing guitar in class felt manageable, but practicing at home is no different then trying to read, write, or study; painful. And painful in ways I know not yet how to manage. Sit this way and that, metronome slow, fast or off. Different rooms, chairs, footrests. I even bothered to get a decent, well made for its price of $200, acoustic as opposed to something of the cheaply made entry-level variety as a kind of encouragement to myself that the financial investment was a self investment and so that when it came time that the cheapo guitar was falling apart, hurting my hand to play across the fretboard due to poor construction, I wouldn't feel I wasted my money. All that is to say, I had faith.<br>
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I still do, just need some encouragement is all. As far as musicians I'm hoping for a well done Vimeo short of a guitarist doing his thing in between cuts of an interview of the pain he encounters and his remarks on his determination to not let it best him.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.239195Mon, 15 Apr 2013 10:58:28 -0800MeatyBeanOKC's Kiss/Kill/Marryhttp://ask.metafilter.com/238282/OKCs%2DKissKillMarry
Have you (or someone you know) been successful with individuals who are a low match for you on OKC?
I consider low to be below '80% Match'. This is assuming you've both answered at least a 100 questions. Success I consider to be at least a few months of going out. I'm trying to get a sense of whether it is reasonable to ignore contact from low-matching individuals or if those scores are just meaningless once you get to know someone in person. Should you give that person a shot or is it a waste of time? I'm not so much concerned with the friend or enemy score.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.238282Sun, 31 Mar 2013 15:14:35 -0800who squaredFilms, shows, videos, imagery representing success and failure in American culture?http://ask.metafilter.com/232370/Films%2Dshows%2Dvideos%2Dimagery%2Drepresenting%2Dsuccess%2Dand%2Dfailure%2Din%2DAmerican%2Dculture
Depictions of success and failure in American culture? Films, videos, commercials, shows, songs, and other (non-literary) media requested. I'm teaching a class in literary representations of success and failure in American literature and culture, nineteenth century to present. We'll be looking at works that factor in gender, race, and class in figuring economic and other measures of success. Readings will include Ben Franklin's Autobiography and John Howard Griffin's Black Like Me. <br>
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One catch: it's a summer course that meets four days a week for three hours at a time. In order to stave off inevitable exhaustion for both me and the class (to make matters more fun, I'll be late in my third trimester of pregnancy!) I want to weave in some visuals/audio/multi-media. <br>
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I plan on showing GlenGarry Glen Ross in its entirety toward the end of the term. What other films, TV episodes, scenes, music videos, songs, art, etc. might be fun to include? I'm open to depictions from other cultures, since they might offer interesting points of comparison. <br>
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Witty, weighty, trivial -- all welcome, as long as they represent some spin on the topics of success and/or failure. Just FYI, I'm mostly thinking in socioeconomic, racial, or gendered terms, but I also want to keep the theme open at this point; in fact, alternate readings of the (admittedly VERY broad) "success and failure" label could provoke new insights as I plan the class, so bring them on!<br>
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Thanks, guys!tag:ask.metafilter.com,2013:site.232370Thu, 03 Jan 2013 08:31:51 -0800cymru_j