Category Archives: Resources

If you wanna become a PUA, let me congratulate you. Excellent choice.

Personally, it’s helped me to become more confident around women (and people in general), self-aware, and socially savvy. Not to mention I’ve met new people, and have some FANTASTIC adventures. Which is an education in itself.

In that sense, pickup isn’t just about learning to attract or “get” women. Yes, you’ll learn how to attract women. But the real destination turns out to be about knowing yourself and becoming a more excellent man for real.

So, in case you wanted to become a PUA, I wanted to share how I became one. I don’t know if it’s THE way to become a PUA. But it worked for me. Hopefully it’ll work for you, too.

Oh and by the way, if you’re curious about the haters who poo-poo on pickup, I wrote a nine-part series defending pickup called “The Myths of Pickup” (four myths, Myth #1 has 6 chapters).

You could say this article’s the conclusion of that series. Anyway, if you have any interest, feel free to check out the other parts. Just type “myths” into this blog’s search box.

Onward. Here was my path and pitfalls along the way to becoming a PUA:

Step One: Learn pickup theory… for 1-2 months MAX

But here was a mistake I made at this step.

I spent MONTHS learning theory before I hit the field. If I were to do this journey again, I’d start sooner. ‘Cause the sooner you hit the field, the sooner you’ll get this skill down.

So, that’s why I’d recommend spending maybe only one or two months TOPS of learning the theory.

2. Neil Strauss, The Game. Neil’s story of how he became a PUA. Gives you a sense of what’s possible. Super well-written too and a fun read.

3. Mystery and Lovedrop, The Mystery of Method. Overview of pickup theory. Good read after The Game ‘cause The Game refers to Mystery Method a lot. But it’s very theoretical.

4. Neil Strauss, The Rules of the Game. Great way to get you out into the field practicing. Only downfall: the book takes you as far as the number exchange, then stops. But no fear. I’m gonna give you some other great resources for that under step two.

5. Renaissan, How to Pick up Chicks in Five Simple Steps. My own ebook takes you to the kiss close. But I emphasize practice throughout: I give you scripts, pictures, and a practice plan.

After one or two months of getting the theory down, hit the field. Here’s how…

Step Two: Practice AND study theory for 8 – 10 months.

Mystery’s famous “newbie drill” is useful here. Here’s a variation of it I had used:

1) Pick three nights of the week to go out.

Do ten approaches each night. First three are warm-ups. “Hey” counts as an approach.

2) Make a commitment which days to go out:

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are excellent choices. Go out those days no matter what for the next 8-10 months.

If you do that, you’ll rack up 30 approaches per week, and 120 approaches per month. Within 8 months you’ll have 1,000 approaches. 500 approaches will get you good. 1,000 approaches will get you towards mastery.

But the approaches have to be quality approaches. That’s where the next part of this step comes in.

3) Reflect on your approaches.

Self-reflection will ensure you’re actually improving and make you aware of what to continue doing and what to improve on next time.

Trackers come in handy here. After each night, track your ten approaches and checkmark which fundamentals you missed and which you hit.

I can’t tell you valuable this is. It’s KEY to getting better. Here’s something else that helps with the quality of your approaches…

4) Practice in the mirror.

Oh my lordy rehearsing before hitting the field helps. It’s like a comedian rehearsing before going on stage, or a musician practicing his guitar before performing.

Like Louis Pasteur says: “success favors the prepared mind.”

If you rehearse first, you’ll go into the field with your eyes open (rather than closed). Learn from the best pickup artists like Mystery and Style. They’d rehearse before hitting the field, too.

5) On your off-days, read pickup. And banter with cashiers, baristas.

Studying theory on my off-days had helped me see what I was doing well in field, and what I needed to improve on. Then when it came time for my infield days, I’d test out what I had learned while on my days off.

I recommend you doing the same thing.

But what are some good resources to study on your off-days? Here are some of my favorites:

Pickup Resources:

Again, these are resources you can study on your off-days to SUPPLEMENT your practice. Theory can never take the place of real-world practice.

2. Brad P, 30/30 Club. Yearlong course. You do 30 approaches every month. Each month you get an audio that focuses on a step, like approaching, or sex skills. They have a $30/month plan if you don’t have a lot of cash.

Inner-Game Resources:

3. Timothy Miller, How To Want What You Have. Psychologist argues that three practices—compassion, attention, and gratitude—are the keys to inner-strength and psychological health. Fantastic book. Highly recommended.

4. Anthony deMello, Awareness/Way to Love. Another highly recommended book by a Jesuit priest. Easy to read, and potentially life-changing.

Sex Skills:

5. Alex Allman, Revolutionary Sex. Excellent ebook on sex skills. His basic premise: “listening” is key to being a great lover. Kinda like listening is key to being a great conversationalist. Lots of practical tips too.

I’ve got a good-looking friend girls like a lot, and he complained to me about this problem he had texting girls.

He’d meet a girl and the interaction goes great. They wouldn’t have had sex yet, but he likes her and she likes him. In between the first meetup and the second meetup they text. And that’s where things go wrong.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” he said.

“Well, let me see some of your texts.”

He showed me some of them, and here’s how they read:

“How was your day?”

“How are your classes going?”

“How are you doing?”

The girls might text back, and they’ll have a factual back-and-forth. Next thing he knows, she doesn’t text him back, and he doesn’t know what happened.

Let me give you three ideas about texting chicks that I shared with him. When he tried these ideas out, he had girls texting him back and wanting to see him the next day.

1. Avoid factual conversations.

2. Instead, play-fight. By the way, what is play-fighting? Role-playing. What role do you play? You’re the prize and she’s the one chasing you. Push her away… in a make-believe way. Or, at least be a little off-the-wall and absurd about it. This’ll make her laugh, show you’ve got an edge, and it’ll create sexual tension at the same time.

3. Probably don’t need more than 3-5 back-and-forth exchanges with her. Be the first one who’s gone, if you can. Leave her wanting more.

Here are some examples, just to jog your imagination. I want to give credit where credit is due. I learned a lot about how to text from Brad P. I highly recommend his eBook, “How To Talk To Women.”

Here are some suggestions:

“I know you haven’t been able to stop thinking about me, so I figured I’d say hi.”

“Tough love is all you get.”

“One of my friends just got ass implants. I was thinking about getting some. What’s your opinion on that?”

“OMG, I just saw this squirrel in the park and it reminded me of you.”

“OMG I saw the cutest thing in a store window today! I was gonna get it for you, but I realized it was my reflection.”

“Last time I saw you, you had a booger and it was going in and out every time you breathed through your nose. Sorry I’m telling you this, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”

“I want to do it with you. I want to get you hot and sweaty. I want to hear you breathe hard. Do you want to go jogging?”

Now, here’s what you can do RIGHT NOW to try these ideas out: (By the way, I also, found a cool blog dedicated just to this one subject: what to text a girl.)

1) Pick three of your favorite texts from this list.

2) Try them out, and watch how awesome they work.

3) Remember, role-play and make-believe. Like you’re four-years-old playing in the sandbox with her. Rather than being factual, you’re being imaginative. Play the role of the “prize” and make-believe she’s a cutie chasing you. Which means you playfully push her away.

4) You can’t interact with a girl as well on the phone as in person. So, it’s best to get off the damn phone and interact with her in person. Good rule-of-thumb: limit yourself to 3-5 back-and-forth exchanges. And if you can, be gone first.

I know there’s a lot of controversy over using routines. Here’s my take on them.

Without routines, chances are you’ll fall flat on your face. They’re icebreakers. Use them and not only will you break the ice, you can lead the conversation somewhere. Best of all, after using routines for a while, you’ll get to the point where you won’t need them anymore.

Here’s how I organized them all:

PHASE ONE: ATTRACT

A1 Open.

1. Direct

2. Indirect

A2. Banter/Neg (part 1 of 2)

1. Banter Lines

2. Funny Stories

3. Kino

4. Contingencies

A2. DHV (part 2 of 2)

1. Your Passion

2. Observations About Her

3. Super Optional “Bubble Gum” Routines

A3. Qualify (part 1 of 3)

1. What’s Beyond Your Looks?

2. Are You Passionate?

3. What Abilities Do You Have?

4. What Interests Do You Have?

A3. Statement of Interest (part 2 of 3)

A3. Isolate or Number Close (part 3 of 3)

1. Isolation Close

2. Number Close

PHASE TWO: COMFORT

Create an Emotional Connection

PHASE THREE: SEDUCTION

Setting a Romantic/Sensual Mood

1. Romantic Questions

2. Ross Jeffries’ Patterns

3. Sexual Subjects

Going for the Kiss

Extract to Seduction Location

END GAME: FOREPLAY AND SEX

I give you routines at every step of the way. They’re organized within the structure that I use… based on The Mystery Method, of course:

A reason for talking with her

Banter within your first TWO sentences. Communicates “I’m not trying to get you”

If you check these routines out, use the guidelines I give you in how to practice them. I’ve practiced these the wrong way and it just confused me. The wrong way, by the way, is trying to learn too many at once. Hello paralysis. Learn from my mistake. Master just one routine at a time.

And start practicing right now. If you stay on the path being consistent, you’ll become a pickup artist to contend with. Guaranteed. Even better, the whole process will change your life. I know it did for me.

There’s a lot of stuff out there on how to be more successful with women. Where do you begin? I’ve gone through a lot of it, and not all of it is created equal. I made a my personal list of what I think is the best, what’s okay, and what I liked the least. You can find it here.

Mystery Method, Mystery – The theory and big picture behind that possibility. Watch VH-1 Pickup Artist on Amazon if you want to see the theory in action.

Second, PRACTICE. These products will help you do just that.

Rules of the Game, Neil Strauss – forces you to get out into the field… but only for 30 days

Charismatic Conversations, Lance Mason – THE BEST to help you get success. This product emphasizes the attract stage. Later on, I’d recommend Zero Drama Dating & 60 Minute Seductions for seduction and dating multiple women.

30/30 Club, Brad P – picks up where Rules of The Game left off. It will take you to mastery level. Forces you to make 30 approaches per month for 1 year. Online coaches to help you along the way. You get every one of his products, including his fashion stuff.

Third, while you’re out practicing, especially with the help of the 30/30 Club, you’ll have time to work on your sexual skills and inner-game. In my opinion, these are some of the best products to help you do just that.

When I Say No I Feel Guilty, Manuel J. Smith – great on assertiveness.

How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie – great on general social skills.

Finally, there are three big areas of life to get together: health, wealth, and relationships. As your success with women increases, here are some products to help you get the two other areas of life under control, too.

Health: p90x, Tony Horton & Beachbody

Wealth:

Think & Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill

Rich Dad Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki

MarketAmerica.com, JR Ridinger

Ultimately, the change will happen not through products, but PRACTICE. Practice is the best “product” you can get. And it’s free.

Highly recommend Neil Strauss’ new game “Who’s Got Game” (created with the help of Adam Kornblum).

Before I get into the game itself, have you ever heard of the game “Cash Flow 101” by Robert Kiyosaki? It’s like monopoly, but with an educational bent to teach you how to get better with your money.

I was expecting this game to be kinda like that, but it’s not.

You won’t learn how to pickup chicks by playing this game. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a lot of fun. But it’s more like playing “Pictionary” than “Cashflow.” It’s for entertainment, not education.

The good news?

You can play this with ANYONE. Well, maybe not anyone like second graders. It’s recommended for people 18 and over, because some of the material can get a little risqué. But you can play this with your girlfriend or a group of girls, or guys who know nothing about pickup because the focus isn’t on pickup.

Basically, there’s no board. Just lots of cards and pads of paper to keep track of points.

The cards are my favorite part of the game. They include all the routines and gambits that made Neil Strauss famous as a pickup artists. There’s nine types of cards:

1. Neg Card: do a challenge, whoever does the worst… minus points

2. DHV Card: stuff like handwriting skills

3. Cold Reading Card: personality insights

4. Story Telling Card: basically, charades

5. Kino Card: physical challenges

6. Rapport Card: questions about how you think and feel

7. Conspiracy Card: you and a partner work on a task

8. Social Intelligence Card: tests people skills and morality

9. Secret Card: do a task (like get your partner to sit in your lap) in secret to gain points

Instead of using the routines to pickup a girl, you use it in a party context. For example, the cards will get a group of people to do fun things like see how well couples (or friends) know each other, how good of a back rub you give, and like in the video below a chance to act out something like in charades.

It’s fun.

And there’s still a use for guys who want to learn pick-up, too. All the material on those cards is stuff you can create your own material from to use out in the field.

It’s got value for everyone. You can use it in a non-pickup environment. And you can use it to create your own icebreakers. Highly recommended.

To find out more about the game, you can click here. And if you want to purchase it on Amazon, you can click here. I think it goes for like thirty bucks.

Oh, and one last thing. I tried playing the game just me and my girl. It was fun, but we both agreed we should have listened to the instructions: play it with at least four people. Like charades, the game requires you to have two teams of people. It’s best with at least four people.

To get better with women, you gotta approach women. It’s the only way to success with women.

What’s that you say? Some men are above that?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, you’re serious.

Well, lemme tell ya. NO man is born being great at women. The whole concept of some guys just born naturally good with women? Bullshit. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T. Buuuuuullshit. EVERYONE has to learn it.

Hanging out with guys who are good with women helps. But the BEST way to learn is going out there and approaching women.

Let me say this again, but in a different way, cause it’s important.

Your best teacher ain’t books or blogs like this one. They might kinda take the place of learning from a guy who’s decent with women. I mean, seeing a guy who’s good with women IN ACTION is better. But your best teacher isn’t even that.

It’s actually getting out there approaching women.

It’s scary. I’ll give you that. Even the guys who are the best with women… man, I don’t think anyone starts out totally comfortable talking to strangers. It’s uncomfortable. But to become an attractive man, that’s what you gotta do. Get good at talking with strangers.

But how?

I’ll give you two plans right here, and right now.

The first plan is a warm up, before going into bars and clubs. In fact, in the first plan, you’re not allowed to go into clubs or bars at all to pick up chicks.

The second plan you will go into bars and clubs. But the objective still isn’t to pick up chicks. It’s just to get a skill. Getting women attracted along the way will just be a cool by product. Haha

Before I give you the two plans, let me give credit where credit is due. Plan #1 comes from Lance Mason’s Pick 101 and Plan #2 is based on Mystery’s Newbie Drill. And they both work like gangbusters.

PLAN #1

STEP #1. Take a 15-30 minute walk everyday for 30 days. Rain or shine, EVERY DAY. Find a park, a street with shops on it, a mall, anywhere that people can be found.

STEP #2. Smile. Smile at everyone. I know it might feel weird at first, but the idea is to practice being friendly. When you see a woman of particular beauty, looking her in the eye and smiling will be a natural.

STEP #3. Say “Hello” to at least one person. It does NOT matter if they say “Hello” back or even look up. Who cares if you get a reaction? Your objective isn’t a reaction. Your objective is simply to be friendly. If they can’t be friendly back, that’s their problem, not yours.

STEP #4. The first woman you see on your walk, stop her to talk. Extend the conversation past hello. You can say something as simple as “Beautiful day.”

Once you say that, you can vamoose. No need to say anything else. Feel free to stay and talk, if things are going great.

STEP #5. Keep a checklist each day. Make a list numbered 1 – 30. Make three columns named: “30 min walk,” “Hello,” and “Conversation.” Check one box if you took a walk, one box if you greeted one person with a “hello,” and one box for stopping a woman and talking with her. If you want, you can just download this tracker I made for you. Plan #1 Tracker

Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back when you’ve got three checks. That’s awesome. Ever notice how we like to be hard on ourselves, forgetting to look at the GOOD we’ve done? Celebrating your victories, however small, creates this positive feedback loop that puts you on the path to success.

You’re not trying to create attraction. You’re just being open, friendly, and kind to everyone. If a girl has something to do that prevents her from talking, that’s totally cool. Wish her a good day and move on.

What you’ll find–surprise surprise–is people are actually pretty friendly. As Lance once pointed out, even shy people want contact with each other. And most people are polite enough to engage in conversations. Women don’t want to be rude to you, especially if you are genuinely friendly, genuinely good-intentioned, and not trying to trick her.

Do this drill for 30 days. Once you reach the end of your thirty days, you’ll find you’ve just established yourself a great habit, that might just change your life for the better.

You’re ready for plan #2.

PLAN #2

Once you are comfortable talking to strangers and women, add attraction to the mix. The #1 tool for attraction is BANTER, or what Mystery calls NEGS. Here’s the plan.

STEP #1: Create a stack (a script) that includes 1 Banter line/neg, 1 DHV (a conversation starter), and 1 Qualifier (a question). Go over the stack 5x to get it into your memory.

STEP #2: Practice this stack in the mirror 5x to get your body language good.

STEP #3: Pick 4 nights a week to go out on. Commit to going out on those nights NO MATTER WHAT for at least 90 days. This is like an exercise program.

STEP #4: Make 10 approaches each night using your stack. The first 3 approaches are just warm-ups to get you into a talkative mood. If you don’t get through your stack, it’s okay. An approach can be as simple as “Hey.”

STEP #5: When you get home, keep track of your approaches. What will differentiate a great pickup artist from a good one is the action of keeping track. It helps you to reflect and it keeps you on track.

Here’s how to make a tracker for Plan #2: (If you want you can just download this tracker I made for you, too. Plan #2 Tracker pdf

Make a list and number it 1 – 40. These will be your approaches for one week. Make sure to date the week.

Under “set” record how many people were in the group you had approached, even if it’s only 1.

Under “Neg,” “DHV,” and “Qualify” check these off if you did them in your set. If things didn’t go well, chances are you didn’t do one of these things.

For “Result,” make yourself a key. Credit goes to Brad P for this. For example, “B” = blowout, “>5” = if the conversation lasted under 5 minutes, and “<5” = if it lasted more than 5 minutes. You can also add stuff like “#” for number close (best way for a # close is simply to say: “You seem really cool. Are you single?”), “K” for kiss close, and so on. Under “Result” keep track of your results.

Under “Notes” jot down any notes, like stuff that went good or stuff you need to improve on. Recognize the mistakes and know what to do better next time, but ALWAYS make sure to celebrate the good, too.

This will add up to forty approaches a week, 160 approaches per month, and 480 approaches in 90 days. If you keep this up for a year, you’ll have close to 2,000 approaches. You will taste mastery. Guaranteed.

So, right now, make that checklist for Plan #1, and commit to making a daily walk for 30 days. Then start a walk NOW. You’ll see how fun and easy it is. You’re on your way.

Practice is the only way to success with women. All the great pickup artists went through the same exact drills. The cool thing is… after a while, it’s not even about women. It’s about knowing who are more, and becoming your best self.

I first read about this technique in a book called “The Magic of Believing” by Claude Bristol.

This is what Bristol said. Winston Churchill practiced in the mirror before he ever made a speech of importance. Billy Sunday would practice in the mirror before his famous sermons. He’d bound across the room, gripping his table, lecturing his reflection in the mirror.

When I was a kid I used to do theater, and I noticed actors would ALWAYS rehearse in the mirror before getting on stage.

And when I was learning pickup, I found that whenever I practiced my gambits in the mirror before hitting the field my sets went AWESOME! It’s because I could see myself. When I didn’t practice in the mirror beforehand it was like I was going in blind. My success rate plummeted.

Pickup is like being on stage. So why not practice in the mirror first?

Now, why does this damn technique work so well?

This is my theory, at least.

First, you’re speaking with your subconscious.

The subconscious communicates best through pictures and symbols. So, by creating a positive picture of yourself in the mirror, you give your subconscious a clear and positive command to fulfill. Then when you’re actually in set, your subconscious will make those positive messages come true.

Bonus: others will pick up on the positive messages on a subconscious level, too. ATTRACTION!

Second, you’re increasing your self-awareness.

You see what you’re doing well and you see all your cricks. The more self-aware you are, i.e. the more you can SEE yourself, the stronger you’ll be. You won’t be thrown off kilter when people sling shit at you.

Third, you create good habits in solitude.

You’re like a musician practicing before he performs. Or a basketball player practicing his foul shots. You create good habits in peace. Then those habits will be automatic in the field. When you encounter the “dissonance” of the field, you can handle it. You’re equanimous.

I mean look at it. When you think about it, what is confidence really? You’re confident driving a car, right? That’s because you’ve done it a thousand times. It’s automatic. Same thing when you create good habits. You’re capable and at home.

Here’s how to do the technique.

1. Look at yourself in the mirror. See how fucking AWESOME you are. Notice the transfiguration take place.

3. Tweak your presentation… until you get something that makes even you feel “attraction.”

4. Apply the gambits in field. This will drill all your learning into your bones. It’s like the bar exam.

This is THE technique that made me succeed in my approaches. Hands down.

Try it out… right now. Pick a banter line, a DHV, and a qualifier. Practice them in that order until you see an approach that KICKS ASS. Then go out and practice that one stack in the field.

Your success rate will sky-rocket. Guaranteed. Half the battle of approach anxiety is psychological. Take care of all that before you step on the field, in the mirror. It’s some of the best time you can spend. You’ll become more self-aware, and you’ll be ready for anything.

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