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After all, we are the only website in the world built from the ground up with the noble goal of connecting Sea Captains and the people who love them.

It's like willingly jumping into an ocean full of piranhas, hoping that there's one cute, derpy fish that you might want to date.

Do they even know how many texts I have ignored in my inbox right now?!? I don't think those photos do justice to my dorktastic personality, and B).

I'd rather someone be interested in Every Day Me than Hot Me That Time I Remembered To Put Lipstick On.

Like, people who follow meet each other on Tinder and live happy lives together? I've been single (by choice, not that it's anyone's beeswax) for four years now and have had nary a complaint. Problem being, if you want to ~mingle~ living in a big city, you pretty much have one viable option: The internet. The internet is open season for murderers, drug lords, and Nickelback listeners, and all of them have just as much access to OKCupid as I do. It makes me want to want to Google things like "citizen's arrest" every time I see yet another ex-frat guy posing with a freaking tiger. FEEL MORE SORRY FOR ME THAN YOU ALREADY DO.) So it's been approximately eight hundred years since the last time I even put myself in a flirt-worthy situation, let alone actually gone on a date with someone. I get excited when an app so much as asks me what my birthday is.

But at some point did society just decide it was unfeminist of me to say that I'm lonely, and I want someone to make grilled cheese with me and charitably laugh at my bad jokes? But this is the 2015 we live in, so here I go, internet. And as of yesterday, the true depth of my ridiculous paranoia has been revealed, through all of these stages of it I have already endured: I had a brief self-assessment wherein I tried to remember the last time I actually flirted with another human being, and I'm pretty sure accidentally grazing a stranger's butt with my backpack on the subway doesn't count. Hell yeah I'll fill out this questionnaire and reveal all my fragile hopes and dreams to the internet!