EAT, drink and be merry for tomorrow you live! In fact, supersize them fries, my friend, because a new government study just out has disproved everything we’ve ever been told about how obesity and lack of exercise will lead to death. It still does – just not an early one.

Yes, the study shows that we’ve not only doubled our waistlines over the past 100 years, but we’ve almost doubled our life spans as well. Damn! All that lettuce! All those hours on the Stairmaster, not to mention the hated Thigh Master that looks like an instrument of torture in a crazed gynecologist’s office! For what?

If I’d just eaten until I fainted every day, I probably could live to 123. Now my age will never equal my weight!

The facts are simply indisputable. A century ago when there was no such thing as a 600-pound person outside the circus, women lived to the ripe old age of 51, while men checked out on average at 48.

Now that nearly 60 percent of adults are overweight, 25 percent are full-blown obese and 40 percent don’t bother to exercise at all (according to the study), we’re living long and we’re living large. Women now live to around 80, while men pack it in on average at 74.

That’s the good news. The bad news is that we’ve got maybe 30 more years to be depressed about not being able to lose those pesky, extra 150 pounds.

In more weight news, the Federal Trade Commission also released a study last week proving that quick-weight-loss products don’t work – despite the fact that Americans spend $40 billion on dieting every year. This is news? Not to be mean or anything, but if any of those quick-fix pound-droppers worked, we wouldn’t have a 60 percent fatso rate. Not that it matters anymore.

So put on your clown suit, fire up the deep fryer, and get out the double cheese, Ronald, I’m coming home baby!