Hi There,
I entered this month's competition over at the 11 second club and I would greatly appreciate any feedback or comments about my shot.

http://www.avneriginal.com/blog/2008/03/26/and-a-little-bit-more/

Cheers

avneriginal

03-28-2008, 01:45 PM

Quick update of my shot, I am trying to tackle last major issues ( was trying to lock the eyes are one spot but it looked too weird). Overall itís all about making all the expressions and the energy flow in a very fluid manner I suppose.

http://www.avneriginal.com/blog/2008/03/29/nearly-there-2/

If you see anything that stand out to you, please drop me a line and let me know.

Cheers

charleslin

03-29-2008, 04:45 PM

sweeet!
i love all the poses except from frames 133-150. His arms are down and feel very stiff, lacking some arcs i think. maybe replacing the poses with something like a chin-up movement maybe look good.

http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g17/hypermaniak/critiques/133.jpg133: exaggerate arc (maybe not as much as I sketched, but a bit more than you have right now, I think.

http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g17/hypermaniak/critiques/150.jpg150: Reverse body arc and maybe use a pose like this so that body language reads with dialogue (maybe have eyes looking at his hands too): it's his work, and he cares about it so make the body language say it as well.

That's about all I think i can pick out, I hope it helps. I'd love to see the finished product, if you can PM me when it's done =)

(ps. sorry for icky sketches, I did that in paintbrush with a mouse)

avneriginal

03-29-2008, 07:53 PM

Awesome!
Thanks very much for the comments.

avneriginal

03-30-2008, 12:47 PM

Last thoughts anyone?

http://www.avneriginal.com/blog/2008/03/30/march-submission/

Cheers

cupojo

03-30-2008, 03:18 PM

nice stuff,
a few things... just want to help make it better. there seems to be a pop in the right hand @ frame 198 and another on the left hand on frame 262. the hands should maybe move more in concert w/ the arch you got in the spine... following/echoing a bit more. Lastly it'd be nice to have a slightly stronger silhouette on the last pose. A space between the right arm and his body. Just a move his arm a little, tiny, itty space either forward or backward so you can see the edge of his body.

anthea

04-01-2008, 07:16 PM

you should use a frame counter when submitting so that people can critique better and tell you actual frame numbers they are talking about. I'm sure you can download one online.

the first time he says "the director" i think this pose would be stonger if you had his head still looking down in his own thoughts. the outright pointing to the door with the sign "director" while says "director" is very literal. Also you have 3 very similar hand movements in a row there pointing at the door, seems even phrased and repetative.

the gesture for my music seems very late, I would move it up abt 12 frames to see how that feels

betw "section of my music" and "perfect as it is" there is a very pronounced arc and change of emotions, you try to go through 3 different poses/emotions with not much time there. If you move up the "my music" gesture then held on the angry hand jitter pose, and slowly worked into a solem giving up pose I think that would work better than that huge quick change, the very big arc you have there is also adding to this problem of too much movement, I would simplify that whole section.

the end seems like too many poses as well. I think the pose for "i can't" is good, i would work within that pose and body direction, loose the huge hand gesture and replace it with something more introspective, and keep him faced toward sc left instead of having him end up screen right. Too much movement.

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