6.29.2014

The Top 5 Negatives To Sleeping Naked

You may draw a crowd.

If you aren’t familiar with the freedom of sleeping bare ass naked then I seriously recommend you try it. Everyone should know what it feels like to slumber in the nude. Of course, nothing in life is perfect and so there are some major negatives to sleeping without any clothes on. Here are the top 5 cons to sleeping naked:

5. Dirty sheets

Most people sweat in their sleep especially if they suffer from night terrors. When you wear pajamas or other bedtime clothes those usually soak up the majority of the sweat. When you’re laying in bed completely naked the sweat goes right into your sheets and mattress which is gross.

Crapping in the bed can sometimes require an entire team of helpers.

4. Mosquitos

Obviously if you’re sleeping naked it leaves you vulnerable for mosquito bites. Even if you’re under the covers, mosquitos can get under and will have carte blanche on every part of your body. Even just wearing underpants can keep mosquitos away from your delicate areas. Nothing’s worse than having a mosquito bite in between your asscheeks, but when you sleep naked that’s a definite risk.

You never want to see a mosquito pooping out your crotchblood.

3. Home invasion

According to the FBI, a burglary occurs somewhere in America every 14 seconds. When someone breaks into your house you’re going to want to be prepared and that’s hard to do when you’re buck naked. Depending on how weird you look naked this might help scare an intruder, but usually it’s going to result in you feeling even less secure that you already are.

Even if you have a barbed wire fence, that's no treat to climb over to escape a burglar while you're bareass naked.

2. House fire

Hopefully it never happens to you, but if your house does catch fire in the middle of the night it’s best to not be naked. Usually you won’t have time to grab any clothes and so you’ll be standing on your front lawn bare ass nekkid in front of the fire department and all of your neighbors.

Make sure to have an escape plan for a home fire and know exactly where to find an emergency pair of slacks.

And the number one negative to sleeping in the nude is...

1. Sleepwalking

If you are a sleepwalker you know that it’s not a good idea to sleep naked. The decision to sleep naked can mean the difference between a mildly scary event where you wake up in a McDonald’s not knowing how you got there and a serious crime where you’re arrested at that McDonald’s for ordering a Big Mac in your sleep with your junk out.