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February 10, 2017

Three Months gone, this time...

I came over to Typepad today to downgrade this account to the basic free one, since I rarely write anymore, only to find that there IS NO free one, and I've been grandfathered (grandmothered?) in at $4.95. Cheapest rate as of now is $8.95. Wow. Guess I'll leave it for now.

It's funny in a way...I had a thought last night..seemed random..as I was walking into the bedroom. "I'm trying too hard."

Hmmm. I think that's right. I've still been 'trying' to be a good girl. Ridiculous! I'm nearly 70. I'm not a girl; I'm a woman - indeed, a Crone! And I'm not good or bad; I'm just here. So, it seems I listen to others in order to learn - imagine that! And what I might have learned in the past few months and heard last night is that I'm living in a way that is opposed to my highest thoughts and the things I've decided to believe. Things like "I am enough" and "there is no wrong path" and "peace is on the inside".

As of now, I'll be ignoring the monkey message that says I'm a disappointing Tai Chi student, and the ones that say "I know best" or "Do it my way". And the ones that say even worse shit that doesn't need repeating here...or anywhere ever again. I will begin the process of NOT preaching to my friends.I've gotta say, at this moment, I'd just as soon enter a convent that practices silence, and let someone else tell me what to do and where to be everyday. But since that won't be happening, I'll just take care of myself, and each day will do it a little better than I have done.

So, to update...Joel is still dead. I like my house. I'd like someone else to clean it. (LOL) I don't particularly like 'The Outdoors' (a relatively new revelation), I'm still lazy, but I think I'll turn it into an art form. And I am still undisciplined, though I may call that spontaneity from now on. I get lonesome sometimes, but never lonely. I talk to cats and several inanimate objects. And I'm just fine.

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Three Months gone, this time...

I came over to Typepad today to downgrade this account to the basic free one, since I rarely write anymore, only to find that there IS NO free one, and I've been grandfathered (grandmothered?) in at $4.95. Cheapest rate as of now is $8.95. Wow. Guess I'll leave it for now.

It's funny in a way...I had a thought last night..seemed random..as I was walking into the bedroom. "I'm trying too hard."

Hmmm. I think that's right. I've still been 'trying' to be a good girl. Ridiculous! I'm nearly 70. I'm not a girl; I'm a woman - indeed, a Crone! And I'm not good or bad; I'm just here. So, it seems I listen to others in order to learn - imagine that! And what I might have learned in the past few months and heard last night is that I'm living in a way that is opposed to my highest thoughts and the things I've decided to believe. Things like "I am enough" and "there is no wrong path" and "peace is on the inside".

As of now, I'll be ignoring the monkey message that says I'm a disappointing Tai Chi student, and the ones that say "I know best" or "Do it my way". And the ones that say even worse shit that doesn't need repeating here...or anywhere ever again. I will begin the process of NOT preaching to my friends.I've gotta say, at this moment, I'd just as soon enter a convent that practices silence, and let someone else tell me what to do and where to be everyday. But since that won't be happening, I'll just take care of myself, and each day will do it a little better than I have done.

So, to update...Joel is still dead. I like my house. I'd like someone else to clean it. (LOL) I don't particularly like 'The Outdoors' (a relatively new revelation), I'm still lazy, but I think I'll turn it into an art form. And I am still undisciplined, though I may call that spontaneity from now on. I get lonesome sometimes, but never lonely. I talk to cats and several inanimate objects. And I'm just fine.