There’s really not anything special about this unless you know how my life has been the last couple months.
My dear Marth and I were married on August 27th, and we zipped off on our honeymoon the day after. We were gone for a week, came home and started moving the rest of his stuff over, and i began my life-long-love-affair with the government agencies that are the Social Security office and the DMV (also, don’t even get me started on all the doctors and dentist appointments i’ll have to have as soon as we get his work insurance straightened out.) Also frequent trips to the bank, Amvets to de-clutter the tiny studio apartment, and we won’t even talk about the fact that i’m training for a new postion 30-38 hours a week, Marth works full-time, and we, and the cat, need to eat at some point in life.
Long story short, I’ve been racing around like a crazy person, and this is my official, second-day-off since the honeymoon a month ago, where i can actually stop…and breathe… and sit down to plan a productive day that doesn’t involve going to work later/when i come back from work.

The coffee cup:

Since three days before the wedding, my daily coffee went into a travel mug. I just ran around too much, and it would get cold too fast while i was distracted with other things, or i’d have to leave; basically, my life just isn’t conducive to having a normal cup of coffee to enjoy in the morning.

Today i decided would be different. I am up and moving later than i’d like, but i’m glad, because i needed cuddle time with Marth before he went off to another long day of work (being married is awesome; you can even justify sleeping in, and nobody makes a fuss! XD ) I made him breakfast, said goodbye and i’m settling in to what i’m hoping will be both a refreshing, and productive day, where i don’t have that weight or anxious feeling of “Being lazy”, but without burning myself out or frustrating myself.
My yoga teacher calls things like that “balance”, and, on a yoga mat, it’s referred to as a “healthy edge”, where you can stretch, bend and explore a pose without risk of injury, but KNOWING where your limit is. That’s a way to live life, too, and it’s something new i’m trying to work on! 🙂
Of course, regardless of how busy my days are, i always try to squeeze in an hour walk or so (in the dark if i have to) and/or at least a 15-minute yoga routine.
These are not things that come easily or that i realize “hey, i have some extra time today; why not do that?”
These are things that i’ve had to MAKE time for, push aside other things that aren’t as important, and focus on what i need, that day.
One of my favorite phrases is “Take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
It negates the “selfish” attitude that i worry about portraying when i say i’m just not up for something or i just can’t squeeze it in today, and focuses on the fact that i -and you- ALREADY do so much to help our loved ones and everyone around us, usually by just being us! If we intend to keep up that lifestyle of a giving heart and listening ear and flexible life, we need to take that time for ourselves, to ensure that we won’t break or become selfish when we lose our temper or aren’t able to give our full attention because we’re tired or unfocused.

That is what my coffee cup meant to me today; that i could take this time, this day, to organize my house, and my life, and take care of me, and that in itself IS productivity 🙂 Because taking care of yourself isn’t always sleeping, or long bubble baths or chocolate or all things of that nature.
More often than not, it’s that feeling and the actions taken to be in control what you can be, and letting go of what you cannot.

So take the time, even if it’s just 15 minutes, to do something that will spur you forward and guide you throu-out the rest of your day. 🙂

Some good examples to help you get started – I plan on doing a blog post for each with in-depth info as to why i like them so much! For now, if you’d like, claim what speaks to you today, and make it happen 🙂

-Yoga – even just for 15 minutes of your day. Doesn’t have to be hot, sweaty or crazy; but focus on the relief you need today. (back, neck, stress, anxiety, tiredness, detox, etc)
-Purchase a probiotic drink and sip it thru -out the day.
-Prayer/journaling -Again, nothing special required, and it doesn’t have to be for hours.
-Healthy snacks/meals – Go out and purchase it if your budget will allow, or learn how to make some at home too! Even planning these things gets me excited!
-Go for a walk – Last time: It doesn’t have to be 5 miles. One, or a lap around the block is plenty, if you’re doing it mindfully and not just trying to get it over with.

i do hope some of these help; again, i will be putting up a blog post for each of these things and more specifically and practically why i find them so helpful!

I planned on taking a cutesy picture of myself and my elephant pants I got from my cousin, sitting with my bare feet out the window in my husbands Buick today. It was sunshiny-beautiful out, not too hot or too cold, and I was blasting classic rock hits and eating a $5 fill-up-cup of frozen yogurt with strawberries, caramel turtles, mochi and Nutella on it. Just relaxing, outside with the windows down in my favorite section of town.
I thought about taking a picture (cuz let’s be real, it was gosh-darn picture-perfect) but then I realized, if i did, it would be thru Instagram, and I’d spend the last few minutes I had there filtering and checking and rechecking the likes and I just thought… “No. Some moments are meant to be enjoyed just by you. So enjoy it for real, and don’t think about anything else until this moment is over, and you’ve gotten all the happiness out of it you can possibly get.”
So I did. 🙂 and it was really awesome.
Tbh, I wasn’t going to post it to social media at all, but it’s late, and I wanted to remember it and write it down while it was still fresh before it faded away with the rest of my good memories.
Make the most of good memories, gang. Just do it.

I was reading some articles about Mother’s day on a mummy/wifey blog and very many articles, and comments, revolve around the how much people hate it!
I never realized so many people are so up-in-arms about Mother’s Day. I always thought perhaps it was hard for some people who didn’t have their mums with them anymore or who lived too far away to celebrate together.
Turns out, people are flipping their lids because apparently celebrating motherhood is degrading to those who aren’t mothers. Who knew?
Humanity. You’re killing me. Can you just realize for one moment that life isn’t about you??? And this “painful and terrible day that you refuse to be a part of” for a variety of reasons is just not justifiable?
Let me first say that anyone who has ever lived thru a miscarriage or lost a child in any way is already stronger than me; that is one of my greatest fears in life.
But, to me, you are a mother, your child just isn’t with you anymore. Don’t make a lost child (either in the world, or to the world) less than a real child.
I just don’t understand why fellow women would insist that the hardest job on earth isn’t worth being celebrated because it’s “too painful” for you.
And people who are in their late 20s-30s either single, or childless (have never carried or adopted a child) and just can’t handle sitting in a church service where the pastor asks the mums to stand up….and you “just can’t handle it anymore” and stand up?? what??! I don’t understand the pressure to do that…It literally makes zero sense to me.
The struggle of wanting children is real. I understand; I’m a girl too. But why do you have to degrade the greatest responsibility on earth, just because God hasn’t given it to you (yet? Or not in the way you imagined?)
“Real women” don’t have children. “Real women” do have children! Why does that have to define us?? Why do we desire to remove the holiday alltogether because the memory of our children and the love and plan of God isn’t enough for us??
….I guess that’s what it boils down to.

Hey everybody,
i’m really sorry i haven’t had anything to say these past couple days; yesterday was honestly one of the hardest days i’ve had since moving here. Definitely in the top three, for sure.

I’ve been frantically hunting for a car because i put it off too long and my car was on life support this whole week. I found one i liked, but thru alot of crazy circumstances that mostly resulted from my own ignorance, it would be a while before i could actually have it. So when my car died yesterday, i didn’t have any clue what i was going to do.

All this said, i’m so thankful for the two families i have who i know love me. My big word of this year has been “provision”; where God has made it possible for me to exist, live and even thrive, against all odds!!
It’s gonna be okay 🙂 I’m getting my parents’ old car on Sunday, and Marth’s family and i have coordinated sharing their cars until then, so while it was crazy-stressful getting to this point, it’s all good now.

Marth. Oh my. If i ever thought i loved that man before…i was completely blown away by how wonderful he was to me yesterday at a time when i needed him so badly.
He was so patient and caring, even in the face of my overwhelming emotions and frustration. He never made me feel like a burden or like i was being stupid; he just gave me hugs and talked to me and let me talk…and especially just let me know he loved me. I hope and pray that i never forget why i chose him.

SOOOO i’m definitely not freaking out, but i’m freaking out!!
I just found out this existed and now that i’m almost finished the Harry Potter books, this is exactly something i’ve wanted to stumble across next!! The fact that it’s directed by Tim Burton just makes it even better ^_^ (he’s kind of one of my favorites 🙂 Between this and the new Alice movie, my life is so happy right now!)
I’m stoked. It’s gonna be amazing. I just gotta read the book before i see the movie. ^_^ It’s currently checked out at my library but i put it on hold for when it comes back in! 😀

This phrase is something that kinda has rung thru my brain for a while; since Marth and i got engaged in October.
My first thoughts, of course, are having someone, physically, emotionally, spiritually, with me, for the rest of my life.
But what does that even mean?
Besides having someone to share a queen-sized bed with (you decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing 😛 ), a constant companion, someone who makes the final calls in the household so i don’t have to, a “roommate” as it were, to split rent with and support me; a best friend, really…what else?

Sometimes, as i believe every person does in their life from time to time, i look at my life, and find myself thinking things like,
“We don’t have alot of money; he must not be providing well.”
“We don’t have everything figured out; he must not be planning well.”
“We disagree on things; i’m afraid that will adversely affect our relationship later.”
“We’re just so different.”

I could go on and on, but you get the gist of it. I’m complaining, and I’m worrying.
While money, personalities, plans and all those things are important, for sure, and essential to living a successful life, in any sense of the word, I find myself coming back to this one thought.

“What does it truly mean…to marry him? Am i up for this, really? How can i be, if i have these doubts and fears and anxieties that i can’t see a resolution to? How do i know this is right?”

Marriage is a provision of God, that gives us someone to suffer with.

When i look at Marth, and all the things I’m anxious about, I picture if they were solved…if i traded him, but had no worries, no anxieties, and no foreseeable reason for any of them…I couldn’t do it.
As much as i am a “doer”, a planner, and a go-getter, kicking and fighting, and never quitting until i get what i set out to do, no matter what the odds…I will give these anxieties and fears to my Lord, and let him deal with them, and with me…Because there is no other human on the face of this earth that i would rather suffer with, both now in these little, normal-young-couple difficulties, and eventually (i’m certain) later as well.
Right now, it’s money, and our future. Later, it could be increased wedding stress, family tension after we’re married, job tension, money and lack thereof, children…the loss of a child. The loss of a sibling, parent or grandparent. An unexpected diagnosis. A faulty transmission in our last functional vehicle. Our greatest fears come to life.

We are dating, and now engaged, because i KNEW, in March of 2014, just before spring break; i knew that i didn’t want to spend my life without him.

So we will go on.

Anxieties and imperfections aside, differences and personality quirks on the back burner; when my world is coming down around me and i am at my worst…There is no one i’d rather have at my side than my Marth; always. Always.

I’m not sure how we’ll figure out this job situation and money situation and plan situation, and future situation, but one thing i do know, is that we’ll do it together. Today, tomorrow, August 27th, and every day after that.

I love you Marth. I am thankful every day that you chose me. Keep your chin up. 🙂 We’ll get thru this, just fine. We’ll be ‘right. We’ll make it, someday.

“Still he braves his path…
And the dust and the dirt cloud his vision,Onward he rides, unafraid.He fights the good fight, for good reason,A star that refuses to fade.”

-Blackmore’s Night, ‘Windmills’.

“I’ll be there, in the nightWhen you need me…just call my name.I’ll be there, close your eyes, and you’ll see me.…Just call my name.”

Today has been a good day. I’m ready to pay all my bills when Monday rolls around with $20 left over, which i am so thankful for!I did alot of reading today, which was so much fun; very relaxing and a change of pace from my normal working out or watching tv.I’m so excited to have tons of training hours at my new job this week that will help me pay next month’s bills! X’D being all adulty and such…

Tonight i just need to pray for Marth…Our job (my first job) has basically laid us off, at least for this week. People warned me it would happen, but i somehow never believed it until i wasn’t on the schedule for this week and there was a note next to it about “budget cuts” and “trying to be fair”. (We won’t talk about the new favorite girl, who has more hours than all of us put together; they’re just trying to be fair, we understand.) *sigh*

Right now, Marth is so stressed out, understandably so…Please…give me a calm spirit and let me keep my neediness to myself this week, because he needs time to think, get motivated, and trust you to bring another job opportunity along. I love him so much, and i know he needs me, if not right there with him.

Please help him use this anxious time wisely, kick and fight the way i know he can, to find another job. I know he will, but i know the whole process is exhausting and frustrating for him, not to mention anxiety-inducing.
He’s requested to be alone tonight, and i plan to honor that.
Lord, he’s a strong man. But he doesn’t just want to be a bouncer and the muscle of a retail chain store. He has such talent.
Lord, please give him a place he can work to the best of his ability, somehow, someway…I can’t see what you have for us, but i KNOW it’s nothing but the best for us.

Please just keep him calm…and help me be a help, not a hindrance to him. Our heads have been kinda up in the clouds recently, and mine’s only just come back to earth in the past couple days and i know today has been his day for that, too.God, we love you. And we love eachother. Please protect us while we figure out what to do next. I know it’s all gonna be okay.