One of the immutable laws of homeownership is that catastrophic plumbing failures always occur
on a weekend.

Then you have two choices: Pay the overtime rate for repairs or live with the mess until
Monday.

We recently lived with a mess until Monday.

The episode, which will be officially over as soon as I patch a 6-foot hole in the wall, got me
thinking about other immutable laws of homeownership.

With the spring home-buying season upon us, now is as good a time as any to reveal them to eager
young house shoppers.

Someone has to tell them:

• Whatever year you decide to take on a big outdoor project — building a deck, for example —
will be a year of record-breaking weather.

The year will feature either the hottest June or the wettest July or the coldest August in
history.

One Saturday in April long ago, I thought about planting a garden because winter was finally
over.

It snowed 12 inches that day.

• The old tool you finally discard after 10 years is the one you will need two weeks later.

I have things hanging on the wall of my garage — things inherited from relatives far handier
than I — whose purpose is a mystery.

But I know that, as soon as I donate one of the things to charity, I will need it.

Then I will learn that new versions of it are made only of titanium, cost $900 and have been on
back order for 18 months.

• The paint always spills on the single square foot of carpet that you didn’t bother to cover
with a dropcloth, because you never spill paint.

• If you hide something so burglars can’t find it, you won’t be able to find it, either.

Maybe you should just put it in the junk drawer.

Burglars are in a hurry. They don’t have time to sort through dozens of pencil stubs, rubber
bands, paper clips, nuts, bolts, used lottery tickets, loose change, dog biscuits and unmatched
socks while looking for your diamond ring.