Benign apostate enlargement An inflammation of the apostate gland, caused by an aggravated sensitivity to differences of opinion. Passing the “stone of dispute” can lead to significant pain but causes no real damage.

Cancerburioma An invasive and metastatic form of anglicancer, which overtakes healthy tissue and produces numbness and rigidity after initial rapid growth. Seldom fatal, but leaves disfiguring scar tissue that impedes further growth. (see Nigerianoma, Acna Rosacrucia)

Covenant dermatitis Obsessive compulsive disorder in which the patient collects a number of similar but otherwise unconnected things and attempts to assemble a single new entity. Often treated by simply putting all of the objects into a single drawer with a neat label, which appears to relieve all but the most extreme cases. Popularly known as “The Itch.”

Griffith’s standfirmity A condition characterized by rigor and pallor, often mistaken for catalepsy or death; can be treated by application of cardiac warming and softening. Physical therapy is often useful in a full recovery of arm motion enabling a larger embrace.

Haller’s Complaint Condition first characterized by Griffith in 2009; a delusion in which the patient continues to believe himself to be part of a Christian church, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding. Incurable but not fatal. Best treatment is to ignore; will eventually go away whether treated or not.

Huntington’s Schoria A loss of balance induced by trying to be everything to everybody, leading to an inability to frame sentences capable of being understood in only one possible and acceptable way. Previously thought to be genetic, it now appears to be an occupational hazard. (See Rowanitis)

Loopus episcopaliensis Malady in which the patient thinks he can believe anything he wants. Condition becomes critical in bishops, causing them to turn purple and burst, spreading the infection further. (See Benign Spongiform Episcopalitis)

Myopinia Inability to see beyond ones own opinions. Condition has reached pandemic level in recent years; spread by the internet. Often produces unsightly growths known popularly as “blogs.” Efforts to produce a vaccine have so far been unsuccessful, as the virus mutates quickly or migrates to facebook or twitter. Seldom fatal but very irritating.

Pluralsy Condition characterized by bloating and loss of muscle tone, with fluid buildup due to inability to separate truth from error. (see Pluriforminoma, Griswoldism.)

Primatism Condition in which patient imagines himself to be an Archbishop even though he has no province. A number of cases have been cited in the past; at present isolated to the Pittsburgh area. CDC warns it may spread if encouraged, or even if not.

Rowanalgia State of restive dissatisfaction with unclear or vacillating leadership.

Rowanitis Rare (seldom striking more than one person at a time); a form of aphasia in which the patient appears to be speaking rationally but on reflection no one can tell what the discourse means. Unusual in that it produces irritation only in others.

Wright’s Tic Condition in which an otherwise completely sane and healthy person is given to occasional irrational outbursts of short duration but great intensity, in which he appears to forget everything he knows in his field of expertise.

— Tobias Stanislas Haller BSG

UPDATE: A number of additional maladies have been reported.

Evangelicoids: varicose veins in the neck, usually on both sides. May be caused by straining at gnats, kicking at goads, or extended speaking engagements combined with air travel. Best treated with double radical inclusivity.

Hepatitus-1,9: mild form of jaundice caused by overexposure to multiple internet partners. Moving to a dry climate without wireless access appears to offer best prognosis.

Juvenile diatribetes: compulsive repetition of any reassertion, usually involving redundancy; a form of repetitive emotion disorder. Condition is exacerbated by contact with exposed blogs.

Ortheoporosis: a condition in which the patient is theologically debilitated. May result from a diet lacking in chalcedon and nicene. Not unusual in new age.

Pantheismia: psychosocial disorder characterized by disorientation and confusion, loss of theological rigor, and weakened evangelism. May be contracted everywhere, by all, at any time.

Loopus escopaliensis is a also secondary symptom often found in Haller's Complaint patients.A live dose of Covenant dermatitis, intraveneously given, is sometimes said to help, but can kill the patient.

Episcocitis - the inflammation of a bishop, diocese or both. Researchers dispute the effectiveness of an experimental treatment: episcodectomy - the removal of a bishop, diocese, or both to another Province.

Yes, Billcat -- I saw that. Somehow I don't think he's going to be able to make a living by blogging, unless he has a few well-heeled patrons or sponsors. Maybe a nice little bit of pocket money; but unless he starts a not-for-profit it is probably not going to be a payoff for contributors. Most of his readership has already given up on TEC -- so what are they paying for, other than the adrenaline rush of the backward glance towards a burning Babylon? Which, unless he closes the site, they can get for free.

That's right, Dahveed. I missed that imporatant data byte. (I admit I don't spend too much time at SF, and probably should read more carefully when I do. Myopinia sometimes prevents my more careful attention... ;-) )

Even given that, though, I wonder how much of an income stream it could generate. Many of the initial comments don't sound too encouraging. At a few $$ a month it would take quite a few subscribers to amount to a living wage, I would think. A nice supplemental income, I suppose, but as I say, absent a bigger donor I'm not sure this is day-job-quitting time.

Of course, maybe we should all chip in and fund a headline ad for "In a Godward Direciton" over at SFIF, an idea that appeals to my sense of ironical humor!

BTW, Tobias, just wanted to send along my thanks for your website. It's been one of the places that helped lead to my decision to move forward with confirmation this year(my wife - we were married about 18 months ago - is a lifelong Episcopalian, while I was a dedicated, unchurched Kiwanian.) Perhaps we'll get up early some Sunday, traverse I-80 and the GWB, and come visit your church.

Presbyopic Emergantism: Occasionally referred to as a Relevancy Tickle, it manifests as a fixation on one set of phenomena to the exclusion of others. Other symptoms may include denim clergy shirts, guitars and an unusual ability to talk about mystics and religious one has never read. (See also: Dermatological Fadism and Spastic Demographitus.)

My Contribution to the Listening Process

"a book that honors the Word of God, the faith once delivered, and moves it into our cultural context."—The Episcopal New Yorker

"seeks to meet opponents on their own ground, assessing their arguments carefully and refuting them courteously.... The value ... lies not in its conclusions alone but chiefly in the way Haller reaches them. Whoever is charged with compiling ... resources [on same-sex relationships] will want to add this book to the list."— The Anglican Theological Review