Wednesday, March 5, 2014

The Indignity of Commuting by Bicycle: Commuting by Bicycle on Wednesday

Subsequently, I realized it's totally rigged. See, the idea is you're supposed to submit a picture of your favorite place to ride, and surely they know that in this part of the world we're having the worst winter in decades, which means that more likely than not your favorite place to ride is currently colder than a witch's vulvanus and totally inaccessible beneath fourteen feet of snow. So clearly it's biased towards Antipodeans and other people in warm climes who understand the metrical system.

Thirdly, a Tweeterer informs me that New York City is a pretty dangerous place to ride a bike:

In other words, we win! Still got it, baby! Brooklyn may have gone all soft and artisanal, and gentrification may have robbed us of our character, but at least we're still number one when it comes to getting run over.

Speaking of getting run over, I'm still testing the Fly6 integrated tail light and camera, which is painstakingly designed to capture on video the moment of your death by rear-end collision so the police can ignore it and your demise can become a YouTube sensation.

However, I seem to have hit a bit of a snag.

See, when you plug the Fly6 into your computer, you get a bunch of files. Those are the videos of your ride, which it breaks up into segments. This time, though, despite the fact I underwent a baronial commuting "epic" of many miles, when I went to view the footage afterwards only the most recent video segment was there. I'm not sure if this is because there's a problem with the Fly6, or if it's because I fucked something up when I deleted a bunch of old videos. Once I've figured it out I'll let you know, but in the meantime I've lost some incredibly valuable bike lane-blocking footage:

(On one hand, they're blocking a bike lane. On the other hand, they're installing cable, putting in a new plate glass window, and delivering refreshing Arizona iced tea, so at least shit is getting done.)

As well as my daring professional sporting stadium fly-by:

Where they're doing lots of crucial off-season maintenance:

(Rest assured that this hook-like thing will be good as new for you baseball fans this spring.)

I also forded a mighty river, though I did pause to enjoy the signage:

Fortunately no gong sounded, but if it had I would totally have left a draw:

Alas, like walking into an action movie 45 minutes in, my video begins just as I find myself locked in a baronial "Cat 6" struggle:

Actually, he only looks like he's going fast because he's in the drops, and seconds later he was passed by this guy:

Nobody was going to pass me though. Launching a blistering attack, I dropped them and then began picking off food delivery guys slowly scanning buildings for addresses with handlebars dangling with deliciousness:

Finally, with one more match to burn, I unleashed a second attack, leaving them all stuck behind a left-turning Decor Corporate Services truck:

By the time the truck finished pushing its way through the crosswalk, no doubt endangering lives so that it could deliver leathery swivel chairs to office buildings, I had nearly a block on them and my victory was all but assured:

By the way, you know who's worse than Cat 6 blogger douchebags "puttin' on the Ritz" on 5th Avenue in stratospherically expensive Inspector Gadget jackets? Stupid asshole luxury SUV car service drivers who do this:

Basically, they bully their way into the intersection as the light changes, forcing pedestrians with the right of way to walk through a "people funnel" so some douchebag can get to his office, where he will spin around in his leathery swivel chair while toggling between spreadsheets and porn:

Oddly though, your average schmuck is much more bothered by bike salmon:

I too find salmon irritating, but every so often you come across one who inexplicably gives off a good vibe, and this was one of them. He greeted me in a friendly manner as we passed, and then the Fly6 revealed that he casually tossed some refuse into a proper trash receptacle:

I bet it went in, too:

Go in peace, Salmon, you are one of the good ones.

Yes, the truth is that there is a time and a place for bicycular lawbreaking, and like porn or the right pair of drugstore sunglasses, you just know it when you see it. Consider Midtown Manhattan, where you must compete with an onslaught of yellow cabs and express buses:

If I can slip through a red light under these circumstances you're goddamn right I'm going to do it:

This affords me a few moments of breathing room, during which I can check the time, change lanes at will, and adjust my "downstairs parts" if necessary.

Hey, we all need to take advantage of those fleeting moments when the streets belong to us. A blogger adjusts his "downstairs parts," a pigeon swoops down and grabs a half a bagel, and a pedestrian crosses unmolested by furniture trucks and SUVs:

Though when he gets to the other side he's tackled and arrested for jaywalking by the NYPD.

Anyway, once I got to my destination I locked my bike and once again did the old "sinus upskirt:"

Yes, in theory the thief could steal half a bike, though it would be hard without the little hook spanner wrench coupler-opening thingy, and ultimately I'm betting (perhaps foolishly) not worth his (or her) time.

Thanks to all who continue to not spam my email that I posted in order to achieve my triumphant vioctory. I know that was of concern to a few of you who thought I'd immediately get spammed with drug ads and such.

Most of these photos are in Midtown Manhattan. Since a lot of rich people live there what they do is scoop up the snow with pay loaders and truck it out to East New York and Brownsville and dump it onto streets in front of schools and hospitals.

Just kidding! They don't have hospitals in East New York or Brownsville.

Those stats are screwy. Last time I heard an annual kill count for cyclists in NYC was a couple years ago and it was 27 for the whole year. Ass-uming the kill count was a standard one; this stat translates to only 10,000 riders in the five boroughs.

The problem with the pink sausage lock is that if a thief manipulates it slightly, it gets much thicker, yet longer and you can just life the bike off the pole. This problem is even worse with the black one.

38/10000 deaths is high, but this does not account for the number fucked up by cars, which is likely 400-500/10,000.

At least twice that number in autos are fucked up from that new car smell.

So 38 deaths/10,000cyclists/year means that if I graduate from university at say 25 years old, commute by bike to work for the next 40 years, I have a 15% chance of being killed? (38*40=1,520) 1,520/10,000=15%

I call bullshit on the deaths per rider stat. There is no way that new york is 38 versus london and paris at 11 and 8.

I should have read the comment before clicking on the boner pick. thanks for that Babble. I'm fairly sure that roadqueen has access to the internet and can access a veritable treasure trove of dick picks.

Not that I know exactly where you live, WCRM, or if I did, that even the threat of seatpost-in-the-posterior could make me talk, but from where you live, Macombs Dam Bridge is an interesting route choice into Manhattan.

Eben, I think your 3 locks probably outweigh your bike. Some unsolicited advice, get a single long chain lock, like Abus, replace the brooks saddle with something cheaper and you will be down to one lock (and one key). If you are locking the bike overnight you might need that setup otherwise it's overkill. I also find it offensive.

Babble,As a public service, Snob can probably tell those gentlemen how to adjust their downstairs parts so they won't wind up on the Internet again. Anyway, have standards fallen so far that we come here to see pictures of people with their clothes on?

[(8,3770,000 (population of NYC) + 1,013,461 (tourists in NYC on any given day)) -1 (Snob, who would presumably not steal his own bike) x 3.14 (goofy tiller effect) / 3,000,000.2 (an arbitrary number I threw in just because I can) / 247 (the number of people who covet broken in Brooks saddles)] which yields a .0398 percent the Surley will get nicked.

I have a long chain lock. You don't think I have a long chain lock? If course I do. It weighs more than those three locks AND the bike.

As for getting rid of the Brooks saddle, I don't think you're from around here. No matter what kind of saddle you have, it needs to be locked, or else secured to the saddle with a piece of chain, like this.

only a few minutes from mad-happening over the river here and I use 1 moderately strong cable with some combo lock. That's when I bother to lock it up at all. Glad I'm over here in 'mericer where i can just look in at 0-version paradice once in awhile.

The thing of it is, Lewis & Clark actually DID the online TV show of their time, which was to keep journals. And it's entertaining as shit because given this was before Webster and his dictionary, there were no real standardized spellings per se. Which means shit is all spelled funny and it's hilaaaarious. Get ahold of a minimally-edited version of the Lewis & Clark journals.

Bikesnob's bicycle correctness is mitigated by his thriftiness, and the pink party frank was free.

Also, the Brooks. Compare and contrasts to the Scattante or Ironic Orange Julius, back in the good old days when BSNYC was primarily concerned with drinking beer, riding bikes and going fucking yourself.

just some friendly / sarcastic advice. I am from around here, have lived in various neighborhoods in manhattan for the past 23 years and have commuted by bike for most of those years. I know, good for me. My 3+ foot Abus lock weighs about trhee pounds, considerably less than most u-locks. Also, I have had 3 bikes stolen and numerous parts over the years, so I am aware of the risks. But I have had no issues on my current commuter for the past 3 years with the single lock set up and the inexpensive seat. So was just passing that on.

NorthWest as in Kim and Kanye's baby. I'm a huge fan of all three. Like to post under various names to avoid the anti-anonymous backlash, which is pretty ridiculous considering everyone uses fake names anyway and we are all therefore basically anonymous (with a few obvious exceptions, e.g Babble).

I agree, the unedited journals are a hoot. They get somewhat tedious since one of them (I forget which) got into the habit of just copying the other's entries. Especially hilarious are their non-comments about Sacajawea, their putative "guide" who was really just along for the ride. They had the good luck to run into her brother when they were scouting to get horses to get them over the Rockies. That's it, that was her entire contribution. Deliciously politically incorrect to say so now, though, which is why I must remain:

If "feydar" works across centuries and between the lines of words, it does seem like Lewis's entries are more flowery in their descriptions of things. Clark is like a grade-school Hemingway - "We stopped and shot some birds. Charbono was drunk so we disaplind him."

Randomly announcing that bicycle components in fuzzy photos are "backwards" is Cat 6-level bike criticism. It's like automatically sending the first bottle of wine back at the restaurant to make your date think you're a real oenophile.

"What kind of brakes are they and how is this failure to stop you being manifest?"

The rear has Avid Shorty, the front looks like no name cantilever arms. Brifters are shimano. Pads still have some wear left in them.

The not stopping problem manifests itself when I go down a steep hill and have the brakes fully squeezed and I am still moving. Even n moderate hills the stopping power is limited.

I picked this up fairly recently and have only tested it a couple of times because SNOW SUCKS. I will be replacing cables (need to figure out how that works with splitters) and pads - soon. That might do it.

Clearance makes sense - the frame is a steel VooDoo early cross nee touring nee gravel - eyelets for fenders/racks, etc. Looking forward to taking it with me to a warm climate where the make the oinos next month!

Regarding the video files on the Fly6, if you're using a Mac, it may well be putting all the old files into a hidden 'Recycled' folder when you try and delete them. Consequently, it doesn't free up any space, and the camera has little storage space and immediately overwrites existing video files.

I had this issue with my camera (RD32ii). I now delete everything from the command line (terminal). Probably there is another way to remove hidden files or stop this behaviour. (Or probably just empty recycle bin will actually delete them, I don't know)

Wazzacunt Rocko Mehchoin, I don't have one of them pooncy pushie hats with the little brim cuz they make yer look like a poof, but that new black wool one yer tryna flog looks oroit. Only drama is the ripper weather here deadset won't let up. There's buckley's it'll be cold for yonks, so I won't blow me dough on yer hat just yet.

I have my Brooks attached to my seat stay with a short loop of bike chain. So far it seemes to have worked well. I've heard that Babs has a similar setup hooked up to her bedposts though it's not used to deter thieves.

Inspired by this blog, I've been increasing the tire size on my commuter bike (no fenders yet) I went from 23 to 25 to 28 with caliper brakes...I saw a bike with calipers & 32s locked to a pole so gave it a shot....unfortunately, the only reasonably priced 32s with a folding beads were knobby cx tires...no worries, there's plenty of clearance for the tires, except the central knobs...after about 10 miles of riding the high pitched whining stopped & I wiped the rubber powder off my frame with a clean dry rag. knobby 32s rock and the brakes work fine.

JB - Thanks for the shortcut through all the overly technical explanations!

Bearings aren't as scary as they once were. I remember having them roll all over my living room floor (ah yes, the single days). Now days it is hard to find "free range" bearings - they are usually trapped in some form of cage/retainer.

Aren't all dicks hydraulic? (Dick brakes on a travel bike would suck - too many chances to bend a rotor, or have a caliper close if the spacer fell out - and hydraulic oil in a suit case might not go over well with the TSA peeps)

Dances - With all the pot holes (they should fill them with pot) this winter, bigger would be better for the commuter. This bike is mostly for travel, but I have been trying it out on commutes, when I am not being a Pussssy about the snow

JB - Bottoming out (I know I bottomed out on the one big steep hill on the commute route) - I plan to revisit it this weekend - maybe for a commute tomorrow if the icy patches go away.

The cables look old - I'd just swap them out for starters but with the splitters it looks slightly more difficult (as in I might actually have to think - looks like I have to use two cables for each brake, etc). I guess the quick fix would be to tighten the cables a bit - I will try that before riding it again. And then maybe I will post fuzzy pictures for idiots to criticize.

The cable yoke position and straddle cable angle makes a big difference in the power of the brake.

O.G. Fred #1 Sheldon Brown spells it out in detail, here's the TLDR:

Imagine the straddle cable as the roof. The roof should not be steeper than 90 deg. Widening that angle (lowering the yoke closer to the tire) increases brake power, and also giving increasingly softer feel at the lever.....as a side note, if you just tighten a barrel adjuster as the brake pads wear, this straddle angle gets steeper= brakes get less powerful. Better to adjust for pad wear at the straddle cable

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!