Homo media watchdogs GLAAD released their first ever televisual comparison today, the Network Responsibility Index.
In their 22-page report, the non-profit picks apart the six major networks – ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox and, for some reason, The CW – and determine which one can be called the most gay-friendly. ABC, which airs Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy, scored the highest, raking in 171 gay-inclusive hours between June 1, 2006 and May 31, 2007. No doubt one of the GLAAD interns has a very numb bottom, which may actually come in handy.

With regard to ABC, Desperate Housewives will soon get gayer with a queer couple – and potential guest stints by David Beckham and Robbie Williams – while Ugly Betty boasts a very pink cast, including Rebecca Romijn as a tranny and the handsome Michael Urie as Marc St. James.

Of the report, GLAAD president Neil G. Giuliano said,

While we have made great strides in the ten years since Ellen DeGeneres came out on television this report shows where work still needs to be done and which networks are failing to represent millions of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender viewers. The airwaves quite literally belong to each and every one of us, and, as such, networks have an obligation to reflect the faces and stories of their viewers.

The report’s very informative and surprisingly interesting. The most interesting component comes from their racial breakdown of ABC’s gay coverage, pictured above. Notice anything honky? Isaiah Washington will have a field day with that one.

We know that seeing multi-dimensional, diverse people represented on television changes public perception. Millions of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans fight every day for equality and for the right to live their lives without fear of discrimination and violence. True equality will be in our grasp when network television presents our stories in a fair, accurate and inclusive way.

Given that GLAAD’s idea of Must Watch TV is Ross the Intern and pronounced the loathsome “Chuck & Larry” a revolutionary advance for gay equality, it’s not surprising that they see the basically positive gay characters on ABC’s “Brothers & Sisters” while having their heads up their Coors-fucked asses about the anti-pride parade of negative gay characters created by gay Repug Marc Cherry in the previous hour on “Desperate Housewives.” [Perhaps he and fellow Repug, GLAAD head cheese Neil Giuliano, have been sitting together too much at Log Cabin meetings.] From a gay/bi sociopathic teenage killer [GLAAD likes him] to a mincing meat puppet beauty pageant coach [ditto] to a prodigious child molester and his large collection of pictures of half-naked boys, roughly 18 million US viewers each week, and tens of millions more around the world, are being spoon fed Cherryâ€™s jubilee of homos to hate or laugh at.

Further illustrating Cherry’s real life venality is that the episode in which housewife heroine Lynette first suspected her neighbor Art was molesting boys was called “Children and Art.” In a later episode, he shows up at a Wisteria Lane block party dressed as Santa Claus. I’m surprised that episode wasn’t called, “Candy cane, Little Boy?” And, if anyone missed his penultimate episode, which alone justifies Cherry, not receiving GLAAD awards, but being condemned by the entire gay community, here’s a link to a clip of Art’s final scene in which he tells Lynette what’s going to happen after her accusations led his invalid sister to die of a heart attack, complete with sinister-sounding underscoring:

But GLAAD DOESN’T BOTHER TO MENTION THE PEDOPHILE AT ALL in their eagerness to rim Cherry/ABC, nor the gay/bi teen recurring character’s mamacita-slaughter, seduction of his mother’s bi boyfriend just to hurt her, or Cherryâ€™s promise that Andrew will be back to his “evil” ways next season. Just as, in their overview of ABC’s history, they don’t mention the near decade of “Dynasty” in which ABC repeatedly reinforced the myth that being gay is a choice, and the more recent â€œ20/20â€ special in which Elizabeth Vargas dug up Matthew Shepardâ€™s body just to blame him for his own murder. Of course, GLAAD is thrilled that Mario Cantone will be back next season asâ€”BIG surpriseâ€”the hairdresser on ABC’s Fags in Curlers, er Men in Trees.

“Quality, quantity, diversity, responsibility”? No, Damon and Neil, partners in slime, one gay lawyer and a couple of boyfriends, hairdressers, and â€œErica Kaneâ€™sâ€ Lesby Ann daughter do NOT trump the drooling, predatory pedophile next door. He may have left Lynette’s neighborhood but the demonic myth he reinforced remains in the minds of millions of DH fans. Instead of praising ABC for keeping Cherryâ€™s toxic dishes on the menu, GLAAD should be calling for a boycott. But since they lost their teeth and balls long ago, they throw violets instead.

They also praise CBS for the “60 Minutes” episode about possible etiologies of being gayâ€”the same episode that was denounced at length by NGLTF for featuring a right wing scientist whose research has been debunked. I stopped reading after that; sickened once again by GLAAD’s sad cluelessness. Cofounder Vito Russo is spinning and spitting in his grave. The only consolation is that they keep supplying their own rope to hang themselves.

Subjective takes on varying homo â€œimpressionsâ€ aside there is also the utter sophomoric perspective of the report. They describe the brilliant “Forever Blue” episode of CBS’s “Cold Case” [one hour arguably better than everything else last season on all the networks combined] as “‘Brokeback Mountain’-inspired.”

Brokeback: two [when they meet] single teenage sheep herders in rural Wyoming; both marry and have children; covering two decades of their lives

Forever: two late twenty-something cops, one married, one not; one with children; one not in Philadelphia; covering, perhaps, two weeks of their lives

Is every film/TV show referencing the Civil War South called, “‘Gone With the Wind’-inspired”?
Is every filmTV show about Italian lawbreakers, even without mob connections, “‘Godfather’-inspired”? I suppose the experts at GLAAD thought “Schindler’s List” was “‘Cabaret’-inspired.”

Cancel GLAAD.

Aug 6, 2007 at 5:28 pm · @Reply ·

Qjersey

Yeah GLAAD has become as bad as the other big Gay and Lesbian organizations…led by a bunch of insiders who don’t represent the community AT ALL, falling all over themselves for a place at the table.

But sorry, for Ugly Betty alone, ABC deserves praise.

And wait til next year. A REAL transgender person playing a transgender person! GO CANDIS!!!

I don’t even know what to think about this. GLAAD counted “impressions”, which were one hour of TV with at least one queer in it (or LGBT…. I suppose they were looking for someone who is LGBT). So it’s like ABC’s 15% is just pretty bad, since all it required was a gay waiter in an otherwise completely heterosexual show to be considered inclusive.

Oh well. The org is run by the dude who build a gigondo mosquito trap in Tempe, AZ, whose main goal was gentrification of that town. What do you expect?

Aug 6, 2007 at 11:56 pm · @Reply ·

Martini-boy

How, exactly, does GLAAD measure “GLBT-ness” in a tv show? It’s almost as absurd as attempting to measure “Blackness” in a show. Not cool, GLAAd… not cool.

This is perhaps one of the most unscientific – and counterproductive – surveys I have ever seen. Nice try.