Diary of a Shitty Kid

Summary: Fan fiction based on the hilarious world and mythology of Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney. Greg experiences his first day at middle school and then also goes to Tokyo for some reason

Tuesday, 5 July 2013

Today was one of my first days at school. In fact, it was my
second.

Being Tuesday, I had decided to wear my best clown outfit,
complete with giant multicoloured afro-wig and enormous shoes.

To no-one’s real surprise, it went down a treat, impressing
and astounding people and adults alike, sometimes at the same time. I laughed
with pleasure and did a little dance.

Still, there was a dark side to this pleasant sounding
occasion. I had pleaded with my overbearing parents to let me wear this
attractive costume the day before (Monday), but they had refused outright,
mainly because Monday was spandex day.

As a result of this, I screamed at them for six hours to no
avail, except for them buying me an X-Box. Sometimes I felt as though I was a
prisoner in a concentration camp, except instead of Jews, I was surrounded by
uncaring adults. I hate adults. Especially Môn fuehrer (German for ‘my father’
I believe, LOL ).

I was greeted at school by a fat child who punched me in the
stomach. I thanked him and pinched my large red nose for comedy effect.

The fat child, also amused, punched me in the face,
dislocating my jaw.

After that experience, it was time for Maths and English
class. As my school was small and particularly inept, it had condensed maths
and English into the one class and taught both simultaneously in order to save
time and resources.

I must admit, this did strike me as the ideal way to teach
both of these fine subjects.

I settled into another child’s seat, forcing him to fall off
the other side of the chair. This is my
seat, mother f**ker! I laughed at him uncontrollably.

I opened my textbook and pondered the first question:

If Shakespeare had
eight apples, and ingested all but one of them while writing one of his popular
space operas, how many apples would he NOT have left?

It was a good one. I pondered it for the next twenty minutes
while the teacher talked about something else.

Most of the class turned to me, both startled and probably
impressed. No doubt challenged by my intelligence, the teacher barked some
instructions at me and pointed towards the door. I purposely stopped listening
and began concentrating on the next problem:

If you had to
recommend three classics of modern literature to an isosceles triangle, what
would you suggest?

This was an easy one, and let’s face it, it’s the kind of
question that has no incorrect answers.

I was a big fan of the animated children’s film Cars so I wrote that down.

Next I wrote Twilight because
it’s my favourite time of day. I followed that up with Tolstoy’s War and Peace.

‘I've finished!’ I exclaimed and shot my hand straight up in
the air.

‘Finished what?’ questioned the teacher, clearly an idiot.

I ran out of the classroom, laughing hysterically.

Next up was Science Physical Education class. These were two
subjects that combined nicely, especially seeing as the human body was
essentially science anyway.

I took off my clown outfit and the rest of my clothes and strode
proudly into the laboratory where my contemporaries were busily lifting weights
and recording things on notepads which dangled from straps around their necks.

‘I'm here for the physical education science class.’ I
announced. Some of the girls screamed, but most of them pointed and laughed.
Encouraged by the display of laughter I began to perform some of my patented
dance moves, including the hedgetrimmer, the
bending down-stretch-pull and the walking man.

This was fun for a while, but eventually I got bored and
left. There has to be something fun to do
around here!

It turned out there wasn't so I went home to harass my
parents.

‘Hey mom,’ I said in an American accent as I strode
purposely through the front door.

‘What in the Jackson Five are you doing home?’ She squealed.

Rather than answer that question, I plomped myself down in a
chair and switched on the television set, turning it up as loud as it would go
to drown out the sound of my mother. After four hours of this I fell asleep.

What will happen
tomorrow in the Diary of a Shitty Kid? Find out tomorrow.

75sandwiches:
A great fantasy story (that I really hope is still ongoing) that includes:-A forgotten middle child-Forgettable pronunciation-A dude in need of souls-Threat of possible nonexistence-Eternal doom???Please, please let this story be on going. This is too good to stop at three chapters. The tone is s...

CandyEmms:
This book is nicely written.It creates a vivid image of what's happening in the story.The plot,the story,I think is fantastic and it grips you so that you want to read it further.It's the story of a tom-boyish girl who decides to do a secret exchange and go to a boys' boarding school instead of ...

PenumbraMINE:
I really enjoyed this quirky story. It was sweet and funny and very well written and not the usual mystery romance. A caffeine-addicted English librarian, a hot Canadian farmer, and a ghost go looking for treasure is the gist but this story is so much more. I don't want to give away the details b...

AkiraMeera :
The story is very interesting, it made me laugh a lot. And the ending is awesome, the book is not rushed, it goes at a steady pace. There is a lot of character development, the protagonist is humorous. Overall a good reading and deserves time.

viveksaji1990:
The novel is altogether a fun read although there are way too many typos and spelling-grammar errors. If those could be corrected, I am willing to give a better rating and also convince people to buy the book if the book gets published. Apart from the typos, its a really fun and slightly romantic...

jaydenmatheny:
it I absolutely amazing on if the best books I have personally read❤ I highly recommend this to anyone 13+ back to my point I love this book and there should definitely be a second I would most likely but this book if I ever saw it in a store

tinaasante871:
when Max first got introduced to the story I was like#where the hell is sara#...lol... I loved every minute of reading this book... it was fantastic although I would have loved to read more about Sara and Allie's wedding.....Anyways I hope u have more of these books installed for us because you'v...

Katharine Southworth:
This story has such an interesting premise. It was well thought out and well executed. I was a little confused that the main female character wasn't more cautious around her husband after she had lost her memories of him. Otherwise, I enjoyed the characters.There were grammatical and technical er...

deee_ro:
Read this book in a couple of sittings and have kept it!!! Not one to read books again, but the story, the atmosphere, the descriptions, the humour, all right up my Blackpool street. Very cleverly written, sets the scene from the start, love how you get to really know the characters, must've look...

Ben Gauger:
Kudos to Dhira Vidhea, author of Boy Who Broke In My Window, an otherwise engaging tale of love and acceptance of the quirkiest of individuals, whose overall conception of the plot is spot-on and whose writing style is impeccable and as for her writing skills they are the best I've ever seen, tho...

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