Carob-coated rice cakes and the downfall of the universe

I'm still reeling from the total food shocker of earlier this week: someone please explain to me how it is possible that carob-coated rice cakes have 200 calories.

Something really, really bad happened this week. Let me start at the beginning. Years ago, while vacationing in New Hampshire, we came upon the quaintest little health food store you ever did see. It was there that we discovered carob mint coated rice cakes, health food’s answer to the perfect dessert. Every year when we went back, we indulged in the precious snack that tastes so sinful yet has absolutely nothing bad in it.

We haven’t had them in years, and to make a very long story — one that has something to do with ordering Easter candy for our no-sugar kid — short, we found some online and ordered them, devoured them and found some more at a local health food store (who knew?!) only to begin devouring those. It’s become a carob-coated rice cake festival round here. My favorite are the mint, but we’ve since branched out to the almond butter flavored ones as well.

Another long story about Keith, weight loss and the Lose It! iPhone app brought us to the very, very bad thing: the evil, Satan-created carob mint coated rice cakes have 200 calories each! Yeah, you read that right. You tell me how it is even remotely possible to take a 30 calorie snack and wrap 170 calories around it. For days now, devastation has permeated the usually upbeat mood of our household. Keith and I will pass each other in a room, glance up at one another and mumble, “Two-hundred calories….” and just keep right on walking. I don’t know if the disbelief outweighs the sadness … it’s a crapshoot.

I’ll get to the point: we’re looking for alternatives and I found this recipe for carob mint candy that has so much honey and coconut in it that you know it probably has more than 200 calories but I still feel compelled to make it, for the sheer principle of the thing.

Or maybe these layered carob mint candies, which still likely have calories and are probably impossible to make (I believe that you can blend shredded coconut into the consistency of butter about as much as I believe carob-coated rice cakes have 200 calories).

I’m desperate. I’m not a calorie counter by nature, by will or by any standards whatsoever, but to find out something that I’ve been eating with wild abandon actually has a caloric content about four times as large as I would have guessed has thrown me, people. The universe is not benevolent. Am I supposed to cut them in half? In quarters? Save some for later? I’ve never felt so indecisive. Oh, the drama!

When push comes to shove, you know I’ll be eating the carob mint coated rice cakes the same as before I knew how many calories were in them — maybe slightly less often. And probably I’ll still try making the candy recipes I found someday. Has anyone else ever had such a total food shocker that they couldn’t believe what they learned was true?