2006- Mindless Self Indulgence- twice- Columbus, OH & Toledo, OH (the first time was a downer because my ride got busted with a pot pipe on the way down; the second was a downer because Jimmy Urine ignored my home(dorm)made “Fuck Me Jimmy… I’m on the Rag!” t-shirt and I thereby decided I hated them forever. **

2006- Morrissey- Cleveland, OH (with Renee and her mom for mother’s day. I didn’t know any of the new songs and the best parts were show-offy lesbians making him uncomfortable and eating a grilled cheese when I got home) **

2009- Metallica- Indianapolis ***1/2 (3 1/2 stars for lighting shit on fire… they’d get more but they’re not municipal waste)

2010- Megadeth/Testament/Exodus- Indianapolis ***

2011- Municipal Waste/The Melvins- Munster, IN **** (got fucked up by 12 year olds inexplicably playing kickass thrash, got a shirt with the sadistic magician riding a terror shark. Melvins were inconsequential but got a good deal of memorable Municipal Ted soundbites that he does not remember)

Slept through my alarm for the 3rd day in a row and the sun finally woke me up in time to go to meetings. Missed breakfast, ate protein bar. Wore a grey shirt, a flowery blouse, and a cotton motorcycle jacket with heels.

Picked up my computer, Went to some trainings, ate lunch and break(salads, vegetables, chicken, waldorf salad, steak, I don’t remember) and took a nap in my room where again I did not hear my alarm. Went to more training, spent team time. Everyone liked the game I made for us to play it was funny to watch everyone be wrong when they were trying to match teammates to fun facts.

Hustled ass to change in to outfit two for the day which was the requisite 15th anniversary work tshirt (word is you had to wear it to be eligible to win the Hawaii trip) with jeans and sneakers. Not enough room in the ball room, so sat outside and watched the presentation on a monitor with Stacy and Holly and watched the hotel staff cart out thousands of cupcakes. Did not win trip to Hawaii, nor did anyone I have ever heard of. Ate a cupcake. Went to dinner. Ate a couple of bites of prime rib, rice pilaf, steamed vegetables, and salad and a blueberry custardy dessert of some kind. At least I never gave into bread.

Came back up to my room, checked my email, got ready for the mixer in outfit 3— a blue dress and taupe heels. Wandered around my third student-less mixer for several hours. Got a 2nd headshot after finally seeing my shitty headshots from 2 months ago courtesy of Caron. couldn’t wear my glasses because they couldn’t fight the glare 😦

Hung out with Christina for a while after the mixer and reminisced about our horrible ex-jobs. Continued packing. Ate minibar cashews. Soon bed.

Breakfast at 6:30, bus at 8:00, graduation at 9:00, to the airport from what I estimate is 12-5. Meandering around SLC was fun last year but I just don’t have the energy or the desire to pay $30 to pay for a cab ride to the airport on my own time. Finally back home (or at least in Indy) at 10:22(back to EST!) tomorrow. Too damn tired to put up with getting on a bathroom scale.

After salvaging my hair and face and locating my glasses, I donned yet another green frock (medium lime?)/grey cardigan and managed to snag breakfast before they took it away. Bacon fruit and 3 Reese cups.

Italian for lunch. I behaved reasonably until being unable to resist trying cannoli almond pastry tiramisu and some amaretto thing. Otherwise ate salad, grilled vegetables, 4 spinach raviolis and part of a teeny veggie calzone.

After lunch dropped computer with IT which is why this post is written in haste on a smartphone. Should get it back at some point tomorrow?

Later we had our annual presidents update where lucky people won ipads and trophies. After all 1700 or so employees absconded to the zoo, ate pulled pork sandwiches watermelon and salad (and taffy?) And talked to some animals.

I saw monkeys like the one in hangover 2, pretty peacocks and roosters roaming around, a lot of hot exhausted looking creatures, a tiger who loves swimming and got my picture with angie and a polar bear. A Reese cup melted in my tiny purse. I learned one of my teammates was an LDS missionary in his youth and he proceeded to tell us lds stuff.

There were more giveaways of iPods ipads apple TVs digital cameras kindled and gift cards but we won nothing for the 2nd consecutive year. Tomorrow they’re supposed to give away a trip to Hawaii. Id really like to win some shit.

Came home hung out with angie for a little bit so we could compare similar but vastly different rooms. Later took another great bath and ate some taffy and a protein bar. Weighed myself at some point at 166.8#.

7:30 Wake up wondering why it isn’t 7:00 and make a mental note to learn to use my 21st century phone properly sometime. Put on make-up and a green skirt, blue and white striped v neck sweater and black pumps. Realize that I already have some unidentifiable liquid stained on my first of two pairs of new tights.

8:30-12:00 Sit in the same room as breakfast and listen. Take allotted 15 minute break, run up to room, get flash drive with project I was working on until 12:30 last night, sweet talk the HR lady who brought a printer into making me 14 copies. Need one more copy but she’s busy so I vow to visit the business center later. Get up for 15 minute break, feel like passing out, eat tiny butter finger squares some textbook vendors brought. What are textbook vendors doing here besides giving out candy? Try to stay alert during meetings.

12:00-1:00 Score free singular copy and envelope from business center so I don’t spill coffee directly onto my project. Attend Indiana lunch. Get a promotional phone wipe(?) and watch our four new commercials. Sadly still not funny unlike the Washington and Texas commercials. One of my Washington students is going to be in a commercial probably. Messily eat salad, chicken and steak tacos, a little enchilada with mushrooms and something cheesy (cheese?) in it, a churro with some flan. I doubt the people of Mexico dip their churros in flan, but this is America. Sorry healthy eating, tacos showed up. Get complimented on my tiny purse.

1:00-5:30 sit in another room for 4.5 consecutive hours (minus a 10 minute break) and listen to IT talk half the room doesn’t understand. Realize during intermittent text-ing with boyfriend and Christina that my phone keeps correcting my correct English words into incorrect Spanish. To becomes yo EVERYTIME, it becomes ir, etc. Win a barrel of monkeys keychain for having good suggestions on how to make students graduate faster. Mentally nag self again to learn to use phone. Learn there is a dissension in our team as to what we’re supposed to do for our team activity. Participate in the parts of meeting I understand.

5:30 Team votes and decides to go to Bayou vs Cheesecake Factory 12 to 3. The people who wanted Cheesecake just go home. The rest of us wait for the elevators (or the crowd of people all trying to use the elevators at once), change (shoes), traipse to the Bayou across the street as a group where they serve Alligator cheesecake, fish dishes, pizzas, sandwiches and a laundry list of beers. Regret wearing a sweater as it’s still over 100 degrees. I enjoy a spinach salad with bacon and a hearty dose of sweet potato fries. Take a group photo with what’s left of our group (9 people showed up).

8:00 return to hotel, actually change into clothes that make sense. The chocolates today are different/tinier than the chocolates yesterday(1 @ matchbook sized vs 2 @ hershey nugget size). Luckily I stole 3 extra from the housekeeping cart on my way into the room. Get complimented for being cute in my tore up sneakers, jean shorts, and gorod shirt. Holly also agrees with me that the lobby floral arrangements smell like a funeral (I did not even bring it up, I’m glad not to be the only one who noticed).

8:15 start aimless walk with Lola, Lavender and Caron. Walk through downtown, up a hill, through a park which was once part of an alibi for a spousal murder, through a leash-less dog park and up a steep hill. See lots of dogs running amok, splashing in water, chasing each other. Talk with Lola about stuff like calcium citrate, yoga, inversion tables, how she stands all day at work, homemade tomato sauce and sewing. Turn around when it gets “dusky”. Walk back home downhill and mostly nonstop through “walk” signals (all the walk signals go “beep boop” at different pitches to the benefit of blind people). On the way back to the hotel I noticed we passed a Carl’s Jr’s (it’s what unfit mothers crave)/Green Burrito. Why can’t it just be red burrito? Is there a difference? Lavender’s walking app got lazy and turned off after a while but we walked at least 5 miles in 2 hrs.

10:15 return to room, consider a bath, blog instead. Bath now perhaps? Still very confused about what time it is and when to be tired. Computer says 12:43, phone says 10:44, room clock says 10:49; WordPress says it’s 5:05 am. As soon as I get used to the time change, it’ll be time to go home.

11:54 It has come to my attention through gossip and reading the work communities I almost never read that not one, but at least two of the people I work with have peacocks for pets. One has seven. Wild.

7:00 EST catch cab to airport, get left boob scanned for weapons, drink coffee, fumble with bags and straps and generally fret over the possibility of forgetting something.

8:30 EST fly to SLC. Sit directly in front of guy who doesn’t stop talking about how he’s from a farm in Wabash Indiana and he’s never been on a plane and is moving to california with two bags to see what happens and is hitting on the girls on both sides of him who are also annoying, have boyfriends and love Jesus. Alternatively doze and read Kindle.

10:30 MST deplane, experience time travel/jetlag(?) after moving 2 time zones. Flight and baggage claim were both faster than expected.

11:00 MST get to hotel, wait to check in, eat free chocolate chip cookie in lobby. find out this year’s room is somehow nicer than the room I accidentally got last year. Ponder the rules and potential cost of putting your own belongings in a mini bar. Test out tiny balconies without views of anything really. Delight in the fact that there is both a bath tub and a shower… Excited I remembered bath salts (the kind that relax you, not the kind that make you rip peoples faces off). Discover this room not only has robes but also slippers (I brought my own). The lounge/bar in the lobby has a harpist.

12:00 MST get lunch with Erica and Angie… Walked to nearest possible restaurant. Thought we were going to a Mexican place but it was italian? Ate an overpriced tiny gluten free pizza named “what about bob” at a place unofficially called “Fat Kid Pizza”. The busboy was a dead ringer for Napoleon Dynamite. I remember how I enjoy Napoleon Dynamite jokes, references and sightings and hope that people still talk about that damn movie when I’m old and have nothing else going on. Ride rails with Angie to Smith’s grocery store which is like a two story hybrid of Kohls and Meijer and is 2 blocks away. Everyone local poo poos the idea of walking because it’s 100+*. Go on a honey shopping spree not knowing if I’ll bump into any more honey this week. Register for work meetings, get free book and polo shirt with directives to wear it Thursday, go back to room.

2:00-5:30 MST unpack, try hopelessly to get into daytime TV but it is terrible, take a 2 hour nap, wake up in a panic thinking OMG WHERE AM I???? (later I learned at least two other people I know had the same post nap sensation). Try the bathroom scale out to get a base line of 165.6# to see where a week of resort food will take me.

6:30-9:00 dinner and first meeting of the week…. wore a mod emerald dress with decorative gold buttons, pockets and taupe heels. Receive compliments on dress and “new” (the ones I haven’t broken yet) glasses. Observed a 5′ ice sculpture which declares WGU 15 and was said to be a gift from the excessively fancy hotel. Wait in ridiculously long lines for food. Make another friend named Angie. Listen to Christina complain that she ate lunch at the fancy hotel by the pool and they put avocados on her perfectly normal sandwich and a raspberry and orange slices in what he hoped would be a regular water. finally met and hugged the boss I’ve had for 9 or so months but never met. I like her. Get recognized for being a “rockstar” by my teammates. Eat a tiny slice of prime rib, small baked potato with bacon, cheese, sour cream, scallions, a salad, some grilled vegetables, two small wedges of mystery cheese (gouda and something with apples(?) in it), a cup of coffee with honey and cream, and one petite tiny chocolate mouse desert in a chocolate cup. Made a point to avoid the bread, excess meat, dessert grazing.

9:00-10:00 go on a walk with Lavender, Angie and Caron to the Gallivan Center park and back since it no longer feels like it’s 100* and we know all we’re going to do is sit and eat for the majority of the week. Sat on some actual plush green grass for a few minutes. See a fountain with a depressing sign that says “no one allowed in fountain”. Unlike my previous attempts at signage photography in SLC I was not yelled at while taking a picture of it.

Present time: Just about bedtime. There is chocolate in a little gold box on my bed, jazz music on the radio and the slippers and robe have moved here as well. Holy shit they brought me a bucket of ice. I wonder what other kinds of stuff they’ve niced up in here. I’m hesitant to touch anything because they make you put $100 hold on your credit card for incidentals. Word is to use the gym or hot tub you must pay $10 a day not that I’m interested in either of those things. 7:30 AM start tomorrow… Time to check emails and do “work” and sleep.