PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence
is unexpected. That is, the first part of the figure of speech is familiar, whereas the latter part is saying what wasn't
originally said. Winston Churchill loved them. Aside from the more traditional figures of speech, others sayings have been
tossed in for good measure.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

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2.
Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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3. If I agreed
with you, we'd both be wrong.

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4. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

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5.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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6. They begin the evening
news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism.
To steal from many is called research.

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8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency,
notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

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9. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.

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10.
Women won't ever be equal to men until they can strut with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're sexy.

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11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.

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13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so
sure.

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14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.

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15. Change
is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than standing in your garage makes you a car.

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17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting
harder and harder for me to find one now.