“In case you’re still wondering if your tweet was racist, you got a shout-out from David Duke. As a general rule of thumb, when the former grand wizard of the K.K.K. chimes in to say he agrees with you, it’s time to re-examine your stance. If you make a pork chop and Guy Fieri says, ‘This is delicious,’ throw out the recipe.”

“You know you’ve really accomplished something when the guy who wrote ‘Cujo’ is no longer the scariest Stephen King.”

Colbert Decrees: Vinyl’s Just Not That Cool Anymore

“I hereby declare: Millennials must stop romanticizing listening to records. I would have killed to have free music come out of my rotary phone.”

“Any wedding D.J. that doesn’t play ‘Celebration’ by Kool and the Gang shall be given a Congressional Medal of Honor.”

“If I sweat while eating it, it counts as exercise.”

“Henceforth, libraries may no longer charge for overdue books. They should be paying us to still go to a library.”

“Let it be written: If you take your phone out while using a urinal, you better be live streaming your live stream.”

Kellyanne Kanye

The Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway is a favorite target of late night. (Just check out Tuesday’s column.) On Wednesday, James Corden called her out for having a photo of herself, posing in a hat, in her living room.

“Wow, her microwave takes great pictures! Who has a framed picture of themselves, on their own, in their living room? She should change her name from Kellyanne Conway to Kellyanne Kanye.” — JAMES CORDEN

The Punchiest Punchlines (Genius Edition)

“White House strategist Steve Bannon is under criminal investigation for voter fraud. Yeah, reportedly he voted last year in Florida while still technically a resident of 1930s Germany.” — CONAN O’BRIEN

“A woman confronted White House press secretary Sean Spicer in an Apple store this weekend. Not sure where he was in the Apple store, but safe to say, not at the Genius Bar.” — SETH MEYERS

“I read about a marijuana dispensary in Los Angeles that doubles as an art gallery. Yup, patrons stare at the art for hours before being told, ‘Sir, that’s an exit sign.’” — JIMMY FALLON

The Bits Worth Watching

Apparently, TrumpSingles is a real dating app, made for supporters of the president. But Trump Mingle is only a figment of Seth Meyers’s twisted imagination.

Also, Check This Out

The Trump presidency has been very kind to comedians. This summer, while “Saturday Night Live” is off the air, the show’s producers will air a special prime-time version of their news parody segment, “Weekend Update.” We’ve got the story.