Dawn Franklin, a 34-year-old size 8 slash 10 from Bristol, admitted yesterday that her regular references to her insecurities and worries about the supposedly enormous size of her arse were “less about womanly solidarity, and more about reminding my friends that there’s such a thing as self-control, or at the very least Weightwatchers.”

The skinny cow also confessed to using the expressions “I wish I had your curves”, and “you look how a real woman should look” as passive aggressive terms of abuse, and that when she says women’s magazines are promoting unhealthy and unrealistic body images she means unrealistic for most of her school gates acquaintances, who could generally benefit from the discipline of puking up the occasional gravy-drenched dinner or two.

In defending her actions, Franklin stressed she rarely mention her small and neat behind in mixed company, as she’s fully aware it would be attractive only to men with tendencies verging onto the wrong side of ‘barely legal’ territory. Instead she restricts her remarks in front of the opposite sex to complaints about being miserably flat-chested, while throwing back her shoulders and setting her 36C breasts gently jiggling, before later moaning to friends about how blokes never look you in the eye.