Forget Euro glory on this showing

SVEN-Goran Eriksson, with his bottom-less knowledge of all things soccer, quite clearly believes that last night's friendly against Croatia was an important part of England's bid to land the 2004 European Championship.

SVEN-Goran Eriksson, with his bottom-less knowledge of all things soccer, quite clearly believes that last night's friendly against Croatia was an important part of England's bid to land the 2004 European Championship.

So let's play along with smoothie Sven. Let's pretend that the performance of Eriksson's side at Portman Road was an indicator of England's chances of success should they qualify for the Euro 2004 finals in Portugal next summer.

Let's presume that - with only one or two exceptions - the team which began last night's match will be the one which the England coach has already decided is best equipped to carry the nation's banner into battle in the remaining Euro 2004 qualifiers.

So what did last night's encounter with the Croatians tell us about England's chances of making it through to next summer's finals and returning home with their first major international trophy since God was a lad.

If we are to take the performance of Eriksson's preferred first-team seriously last night, I'll tell you what it told me.

England have as much chance of coming back from Portugal with the European Championship trophy as Rochdale have of winning the FA Cup this season.

You can forget the scoreline.

That tells you absolutely nothing about England's display in the sixty minutes or so that Eriksson's strongest line-up was on Ipswich Town's bowling-green of a pitch last night.

Run ragged

For during that period England were ran ragged by a novice Croatian side which, with better finishing, could have produced one of the heaviest defeats in the entire history of this country's international soccer.

I jotted down the number of goal-scoring chances that Croatia created last night.

And I'm not talking about "sniffs" at goal.

I'm talking about gilt-edged opportunites that top-flight internationals would normally put away with their eyes closed.

After 36 minutes, Croatia had created - and wasted - five clear chances.

By the 47th minute, that figure had risen to NINE.

And six of those chances were so easy that I'd have backed Emile Heskey to score them. . . that's how simple they were.

The blunt truth is that, after being gifted the lead by a stupidly-conceded penalty, Eriksson's strongest side was absolutely pathetic for the first hour against Croatia.

England's defending during that period was truly, truly awful.

Shudder

Non-existent would be a better way to describe it and I shudder to think what the scoreline would have read by half-time if the Croatian strikers had been wearing their boots on the right feet.

Ashley Cole, at left-back was a total disaster.

If the Arsenal player, on last night's display, is an international defender, then so is Robbie Fowler.

At least Robbie makes a tackle. . . sometimes.

And please don't tell me that Chelsea's John Terry is pushing Sol Campbell for a place at the heart of England's defence.

I've seen milk turn quicker than the Stamford Bridge centre-back.

Don't think I'm just singling out Cole and Terry.

For Eriksson's entire defensive unit - David James apart - was a shambles last night.

Just the very fact that goalkeeper James was quite rightly named Man of the Match for his first-half display tells you everything you need to know about England's woeful performance during that opening period.

Mediocre

It's true that England raised their game after the break, but there again, it beggars belief that any genuine international team could have performed for a full match with the mediocrity which Eriksson's side displayed up to the half-time interval.

The improvement came when Eriksson deployed his infamous "revolving-door" policy shortly after the unmarked Michael Owen had connected with a trademark Beckham cross to head England into a two-goal lead.

What an insult that was to Croatia.

They had played England off the park up to that point - created enough chances to have run up a rugby score - and suddenly they were 2-0 down.

There ain't no justice in soccer, sometimes.

But with the "wannabees" on the pitch for the final forty minutes, England at last started to resemble a half-decent side.

Eriksson's revolving-door must have jammed.

He only brought on ten new players this time, which is one fewer than normal in one of these ever-so-important friendly internationals.

The only England player to see out the whole ninety minutes was centre-back Terry, who was making his first full international appearance.

So he got to wear the captain's arm-band.

Not bad going, eh, for a 22-year-old kid on his international debut? Who said that Sven was devaluing the England captaincy? As if.

Still, there was more hope for the future with Eriksson's shadow-team on the pitch last night then there ever was while his recognised first-team were being made to look like a pub side by Croatia in that embarrassing opening half.

Screamer

The little Newcastle whippet Kieron Dyer worried the life out of the big Croatian defenders with his darting runs and Chelsea's vastly-improved midfielder Frank Lampard should have staked a claim for a place in Eriksson's side when scoring England's third with a screaming drive which Bobby Charlton in his prime would have been proud to claim.

But let's return to the central issue.

Did last night's match at Portman Road carry any significance at all in terms of qualifying for Euro 2004? In Eriksson's wierd and wonderful world it may have.

But you've got to hope that for England's senior players who began last night's match, it was nothing more than a training exercise.

Because if the likes of Paul Scholes, Rio Ferdinand and Steven Gerrard were taking the encounter against Croatia as seriously as their coach, England might as well hand Turkey the qualifying points now. . . and we can all go on holiday together in Spain next summer.