Spend more time asking, “How can you do this?” and less on, “I believe in you.” It’s true that believing in others enhances their confidence. Believing in others more than they believe in themselves is part of leadership. Pink suggests that asking rather than telling enhances confidence.

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16 thoughts on “Something Better than “I think I Can””

I would argue that “I think I can, I think I can” is the lamest form of positive self-talk.

I don’t have research to back me up on this but in my opinion, “I can do this” has it’s place…although I prefer it’s better looking cousin, “I will do this.”

“I can do this” is what you say as you walk into the board room full of execs when you are a VP of a small division with no experience speaking in front of a group like this. It’s what you say when you’ve spent the last three weeks asking “Can I do this?”

It’s what you say when you’ve put in the time, the reps, the practice, been through the doubt and pain, and know you are ready.

Saying “I can do this” when you haven’t prepared or questioned is like thinking positive self-talk will allow someone who has never played golf to hit the ball as far and straight as I do. I know I can do it because I put in 10+ hours a day for 10+ years growing up. I put in my reps.

Ultimately, the path looks like this:

“Can I do this?” >> No. >> “What do I need to do?” >> Do those things (put in reps) >> “I can do this.”

“I can do this” should never be said in a weak manner. It’s a positive statement resulting from preparation.

Your contribution reminds me that it’s a balancing act, and 21st Century challenges will require much of our next generation. Early messages encourage persistence, and soon develop into the “can you do this approach”…yes? We want our tweens and teens already comfortable with asking this of themselves, as part of the process of adjusting to a new learning curve, or new system or process…I would say, it’s safe to say, Never get rid of the early nurturing and encouraging, because in this stage of development that is what the brain, needs…and if the brain’s healthy development depends on meeting it’s needs we must keep it! The key is in knowing how to transition along with our kids, so their learning is meaningful.

Bob the Builder. We do learn all we need to know in Kindergarten. Bob the Builder is my favorite show to watch with the grandkids, but I never thought about why. Now I know.
On projects, this is the perfect attitude. This one gets reblogged. Thanks.
Glenn

I am an Optimist & I believe in “It Can Be Done”. However, it can be done is not the same as “I think I can”.

The leadership approach is “what will it take”. A healthy culture is one that transforms from “we can’t” to “here’s what it will take”.

When someone answers the “here’s what it will take”, they don’t claim to be able to do it alone. However, they go through the disciplined effort to define the desired outcome, situation, problems to solve, & skills needed. From there, they can determine what resources and talents are needed to succeed.

Some people say “I think I can” ignorantly, while some believe that with the support of others, they can indeed. Either way, a healthy environment of “what will it take” allows individuals to approach every situation with possible solutions and the ability to act on those solutions with fearlessness.

As an optimist, I can collaborate with realists & pessimists on “what it will take”. After that, we can determine if we really can or even if we should.

If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right. I can’t dunk a basketball. I can create a fearless front line.
@RayAttiyah

Reblogged this on The Other Side of Risk and commented:
Dan’s post provides a guiding principle for finding what can go right on your project: you have to ask. Too often projects start off with the scope, schedule, and budget predefined. The charge is “We can do this!” Then we don’t or pretend we did. A project starting this way spends it’s time and energy protecting itself with risk mitigation, change orders, and blame shifting. Starting, as Dan suggests, with “Can we do this?” gets the team to explore the challenge, it’s strengths, and opportunities for needs to be met in a realistic way that improves the organization and its people. Bonus: there’s a fun video in this post. Thanks, Dan!

I find this whole conversation interesting and I feel like all of us are circling around the same idea, but we must have a bit of all of these approaches. To cultivate new leaders, drive experienced leaders and to empower employee leaders we must keep the positive affirmation saying, “I know you can …” while also keeping the question of “How can we …” or “How can we continue…” close at hand. If you have one without the other you are destined to become too confident to see the pitfall straight ahead or too worried about the “How” to even attempt to jump over it.

Using stages of change as a framework, it sounds like you are moving from contemplation to action. Asking how to achieve something fits contemplation, although there is a key step of asking ‘why’ that probably fits before ‘how’. Asking ‘why do we/I want to do this?’ or perhaps more importantly, ‘why do we/I need to do this?’ If you can answer that questions, you may have begun to dial in motivation, engagement, and alignment with vision, mission and values. Otherwise asking can I do this is more like fire, sans ready, aim.

And asking ‘why do we…’ provides an underlay of respect, because you are asking and attempting to learn why/how others might be on board.

There may be a place for ‘can-do’ self talk in the action phase, by acknowledging what you are just about to do or are doing is tough, but you knew that going in and have done similar work before and made it through that.

Dear Dan,
“I think I can” is self motivational philosophy. It increases confidence and self belief. While it makes us feel good, it hinders other options. It also makes us complacent. I believe that philosophy is good as long as we question us from time to time rather than taking it granted. This question is more self centric and self overestimated. In thinking, so, we generally tend to overestimate our strength and underestimate or overlook external factors, that are perhaps more powerful and beyond our control. I have experienced that whenever I am confident about anything, there are chances of failure but when I am not very much confident, I get better result. What happens when we are convinced beforehand that we are confident is that we lessen our effort. And we omit so many important steps.But when we are not sure about anything, we try to understand it and make sincere effort.
I think that self belief is good concept. Similarly feeling confident is also good. But we should feel confident of our effort,not result. As long as, we think that we can make honest and sincere effort, it might yield good result. But when we think more on outcomes and less on effort, it could result in frustration, disappointment and depression. So, we need to change the rule of the game.Thus we need focus on effort and less on result. This philosophy will really makes one confident.

Realistic assessment and developing of capability, both for yourself and others. Have a realistic assessment of what your current ability is, of where you are or where that other person is, and the truth shall set you free. Not everybody is capable of everything. And by the same token, there are plenty of people who are capable of more than they do.

An attribute of a successful leader is the ability to accurately assess potential as well as current capabilities and to recognize cases where people over assess themselves as well as under assess themselves. Both are bad.

Sometimes I wonder if all the money and time I have spent on self improvement tapes and books really did more for the authors than anyone else. I know so cynical!!!!!

I have read the best, Og Mandino, Napolean Hill, I do not need to list them all for ya’ll.

I am of the opinion is that massive action creates massive results. What one likes to say to themselves while working is completely up to them, sorry Helmsmutter. Think that is how you spell his name.

I kinda learned what I am trying to say after thousands and thousands of 12 Step Meetings. Took I don’t know 10 or 12 years before I learned I learned more while listening than talking.

As I listened to the drunks from all walks of life bloviating I cringed! Did I sound like that? Yep, enter some humility!

What I learned was No Matter what theses people were telling themselves about their brilliance at whipping up on addiction did not matter. Sobriety was happening all around them. The bottom line don’t drink or drug period, not your self talk.

So massive action massive results, period. What you say to yourself is optional and makes for a great industry for the pontificators!

Train barreling down the tracks, get out of the way!!! If u still think it is worthwhile to figure out what you said to yourself while you were doing that, that’s cool! Heck write a book about it and somebody will read it and if it resonates to what they think makes sense you are a genius!!!!

What I have found that really works for me is to treat others like I want to be treated and live today as if it were my last.