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What you need to know.

Friday, August 22, 2014

have anxiety, and I believe I can speak for everyone with anxiety
when I say this: it’s gotta be hard to be close to us. But there are
seven things we want you to know that we don’t always know how to tell
you.

1. It doesn’t have to do with you.
It can be pretty exhausting ruminating about everything we possibly
have done wrong, are doing wrong, or could do wrong. We may want to sit
and cry sometimes. We may be uninterested in our activities. We may snap
at you, even though you absolutely don’t deserve it. We may even get
nervous that you don’t love us anymore, even if you’ve given us no
indication of this.
We want you to know above all else that it doesn’t have to do with
you. It’s not your fault. We love you, and we’re so, so sorry if we ever
give the impression that we don’t. We just don’t love our brain right
now, and we don’t know how to deal with it.

2. Never try to talk us out of our emotions.
Trying to relieve us of our fear or sadness
might seem like a good idea. And sometimes, it is. In fact, we might
even ask you if we have any reason to be worried, so that we can try to
combat that irrational part of us that is constantly afraid.
But there’s a fine line between trying to help us and trying to talk
us out of it. Never tell us that our worries don’t exist, or that we can
get over it if we just stop thinking about it. All that does is make us
feel like we’re broken—that there’s something wrong with us that even
our closest loved ones don’t understand.

3. Part of us knows that our fears aren’t rational, but we can’t shake the part that doesn’t.
Sure, we know that the embarrassing thing we said wasn’t really all
that embarrassing, and it probably didn’t influence anyone’s opinions of
us whatsoever, and that the entire group we were with today probably
isn’t talking about how terrible we are behind our backs. We know how
ridiculous that sounds, and it sounds even more ridiculous saying it out
loud.
But that other part of us. . .that’s where anxiety lives. That’s
where it can stay, feeding on us, popping out its head occasionally to
remind us that it’s still there. That’s the part that always reminds us,
“What if thistime, my worries are correct?”

4. We are grateful for what we have—and for you.
Often, anxious people are labeled as pessimists. And that’s actually
quite understandable. We’re pretty talented at coming to the worst
possible conclusion almost instantaneously.
But that’s not always who we are. In fact, many of us are pretty optimistic
between anxiety bouts. We do love our life, and we are grateful for
what we have, and we are especially grateful for you. We don’t mean to
focus on the negative, but sometimes, we can’t help it. Know we always
appreciate you. You are the light at the end of our tunnel. You are the
one who tries your hardest to understand, who knows us in and out and
still is willing to stay.

5. We know you can’t always see things from our perspective, but we appreciate you trying.
As someone who doesn’t suffer from anxiety, we know you won’t be able
to fully understand. We know that we might sometimes sound crazy, and
we’re sure it can be frustrating to have to drop everything and calm us
down.
But every time you answer our fearful texts with reassurance and
kindness, or pull us into another room to ask us what we’re worrying
about, or are simply there, steady, supportive, without questioning the
way we operate. . .we can’t even express how much that means, because
it’s rare to find.

6. We wish we could turn it off, but we can’t.
Though it might seem otherwise, we don’t want to focus on what
could go wrong. We don’t want to be negative, or bring the mood down,
or nitpick about things that may seem little to an outsider. We’re not
trying to get attention.
We know how we sound sometimes, and we wish we could turn it off. But it’s just a part of who we are.

7. It doesn’t define us.
We may have anxiety, and it may be a part of us. But so are our
passions, our quirks, our personalities. Anxiety is one of countless
parts. We still laugh. We still feel the wind in our hair. We still
appreciate a steaming mug of coffee early in the morning, or the sun
warming our skin in the summer.
We still love you. We always will.

Sammy Nickalls is a writer and the content manager of Inspiyr.com,
an online magazine helping people get healthier, happier, and more
successful. She is an avid health nut, as well as a lover of yoga,
gaming, books, and tea.