with the world in great turmoil and the economy in despair
how it is possible; to live with limited quantity of money? this is the question
we tackle this week on D!CK financial report 2008. we begin our investigation
at the office of "rolf hedgemann" after responding to an ad he place
claiming you can super chargeyour
wealth potential. this is the transcript of our dialog.

Doug Beach : so rolf tell me...,. how i can get more money

Rolf Hedgemann : Well it's actually not that hard. I get calls all
the time from people asking the same thing: How to get the bang out of your
buck. It's really not as difficult as you might put yourself to believe-

Doug Beach : we are runnig short on time cut to the chase

Rolf Hedgemann : I thought the interview just started -

Doug Beach : tick tick tock the clock is moving

Rolf Hedgemann : Okay. The best advice I can give to generate more
revenue is to diversify your portfilio but to also keep a close check on the
status of your investments. Go with a 701g or a closed investment IRF for maximal
growth on your assests -- and don't forget to talk to your advisor about the
benefits of a joint operated co-signee account with flex-guard. Small changes
like opting for a "swap on arrival" service will ensure -

Doug Beach : speak english you son of a bitch

Rolf Hedgemann : *Laughter* Those are just a few finacial terms that
take only minutes to understand. It might seem a little scary at first; that's
why I hand out these pamphlets with information on terms like IRF and flex-guarded
accounts.

Doug Beach : are you going to give me money or not

Rolf Hedgemann : Of course not; but I assure you my advice will put
you well on your way-

Doug Beach : get the fu.ck out of my office

Rolf Hedgemann : This is my office.

as quick as started the interview was compelted... or wase it..? yes it was.
so i had to ask myself if is not possible to get more money; natural
progression says to utilize your wealth power to fullest potential. i went to
thre local thrift store inan attempt to stretch my penisdollar.

Doug : i would like to buy these apple for 1 dollar

Clerk : That apple only costs 35 cents, sir.

Doug : you think you can outhaggle me well let me tell you
something son ive been in the business for 20 year you cant haggle with the
inventor of haggle

Clerk : Sir, this apple is less than a dollar.

Doug : *push dollar across the counter* ill pretend i didnt
hear that

Clerk : I have your 65 cents change right here!

and as soon as i entered i was gone!. the key to successful haggle is strike
first and to seal the deal befoer it even start. this is a sacred ancient mastery
only expert haggler can achieve so that the deal never existe in the first place.

but you may be asking "but doug you are very adept at handling haggle
skills i cannot do this so how can average mediocre normal regular person like
me save money". the first process is to get free money but how do you do
this you may ask (but only once)

answer is platic money cards aka credit card.

if you do not already have credit cards you are stupid and are very fortunates
i am feeling in good mood enough to tell you howto achieve these : here is what
you do

Step A: apply for every credit card imaginable if possible
do this online to ensure your identity is not stolen some good sites are www.coolfreecreditcardinstantapproval.info/stealidentity.php

Step B: if you are rejected for every card there is
still hope!!! next time your neighbour has a barbeque go up to him have a conversation
like this:

you: great wheater today

neighbour: I don't know about that, it's starting to rain a bit.

you: i concur so have you seen any good movie lately

neighbour: I rented Biodome last night. It was a hoot.

you: i agree so what is your social security number date of
birth weight height penis length and color of retinas

IT"S THAT SIMPLE! then you use this information
to get credit card in his name this is illegal but if you use HONOR SYSTEM by
promising yourself to pay back debt then this is ok. once you get credit cards
spend every available credit on services or items you will likely use for one
day then never again this is the key to being succesful. but after limit is
exceeded what do you do???

this is where my 5 step infallible "doug beach 5 step to success"
plan comes in

Step 1 : shave your head bald and sell the hair. depending
on your hair length you can get anywhere from 5 to 5 billion dollars.

Step 2 : eat one of every small fruit at the supermarket.
if asked what you are doing say you are sampling it. you can live off of this
if you have exceeded your credit limit on all your credit cards.

Step 3 : reuse postage stamps by cutting them from envelopes
sent to you. this can save you approx 50000 bucks every year.

Step 4 : buy a 12 pack of bottled water and refill it
with pond water when finished. continue this for the rest of your life. on average
you will save 10 dollars /day on this tip alone!!!

Step 5 : steal ketchup bottles from garbage cans and
refill them using ketchup at fast food restraunt. go to a store and return the
ketchup to get _free money_. !!BONUS TIP!!
you can do this with mustard and relish too!!

Step 6 : use portion of savings to bet lottery ticket
every day eventually you will win this is verified proof. here is the logic:
odds of winning lottery ticket = to struck by lightning but if you climb on
top of high tree and hold copper pole in your hand odds are very good of winning
lottery! when you are finished beating life send checks to doug beach for excellent
advice. you will most likly look like this when you succedd:

side kick to rib cage dislocate shoulder rotator cuff internl
bleed and die extravaganzea there you have it dickenson
! another D!cK EXCKLUVISE you cannot find better information not even
on www.howtogetrichquickfromhomeandhavesexwithbeutifulwomen.com/scam.html this
is doug beach singing out - doug beach, president doug beach corp

disclaimer you cannot read this site or i will punch you or
quite possibly kick you using any martierla here is liiegal and you will be
charged to full extents ggiven you do not suckwhich is yes if you are not doug
beahc so do not click ok bye