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Asda welcome

The ASDA Greeter

A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's south side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're nae twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the f*ck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam, 'replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'

A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, walked into ASDA in Old Hill (a run down council estate in Falmouth Cornwall) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck no, they're not twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the f*ck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam, 'replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'