OPINION: Preparing for the UN review

Alan Robles

Facing a United Nations Human Rights Council periodic review, the Duterte administration is sending a special delegation to Geneva. The elite team will properly address the issue by taking down the names of UN officials, putting them on lists and warning them they might be visited by members of the Philippine National Police riding tandem bikes.

Just kidding.

Actually, the delegation will appear before the council and swear - by all that's holy, on the sainted bald head of the justice secretary - that Duterte's war on drugs is NOT violating human rights and ISN'T encouraging extrajudicial killings, no no no siree, everything is fine in the Philippines and will the UN kindly just stop making up all these charges?

You can imagine that the delegation's job requires thorough preparation. In fact, its members are even now undergoing comprehensive, grueling briefings. An insider gave us one of the teaching aids, which we're reprinting below. It's a short quiz consisting of tricky questions and you're supposed to pick the best answers. Those who fail to do so will be immediately dropped form the delegation and sent to Davao to become discount tour guides for Chinese sailors.

Understanding Human Rights Duterte Style

1. During his election campaign, Duterte promised many people would be killed. Shortly after he became president, what started happening?