Posts Tagged ‘Sports Edition’

Monday, March 15th, 2010

If you haven’t done yourself the favor of watching ABC’s “Modern Family”, give it 30 minutes this Wednesday and you’ll be hooked. As a preview, here is how we would cast the show using figures from the world of sports.

Manny (Usain Bolt)The most dominant man in sports (untouchable in the 100m) with the most dominant character on TV today. I would pay $12 to watch these two race. Right now.

Jay (Brett Favre), Gloria (Vikings)The old grizzled man, coming back from a gig with many highs and a few lows (Married… with Children), steps up and comes back with what might be his greatest season ever, all with a brand new team.

Mitchell (Brian Scalabrine), Cam (Jon Asamoah)I can’t look at Mitchell without seeing Brian Scalabrine for some reason, while Jon Asamoah is the only University of Illinois offensive lineman that I can think of. Evidently, Cam was quite the blocker.

Phil (Wade Phillips), Claire (Jerry Jones)Phil, who thinks he is in charge, is the guy found whooping it up, trying to fit in with people half his age. Meanwhile, Claire is the one that is really calling the shots.

Luke (Rich Ankiel)Have you seen either of these guys try and pitch? Not pretty.

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

What, you would have preferred Mark Sanchez?Staff Writer: B. DelaBarrera

Sports, at least in America have changed drastically in the last decade or two. The NFL season, in general, is one that is now jam-packed with theatrics and insanity. Thanks to the media, fans can now indulge themselves in issues surrounding players’ personal lives. It’s funny to me to think about how the demand for constant news and information has turned some of the biggest sports in to reality dramas.

After reading ESPN writer Bill Simmons’ NFL Playoff Picks mega column where he compares the Wildcard Weekend playoff games to character’s in MTV’s Jersey Shore reality television program, I got to thinking that it could be pretty entertaining to go in more detail and compare the four remaining teams that are playing for their conference titles to individual characters in the same show, which just happened to have its season finale last night. I mean how perfect is that? The NFL loves drama and there is no better place to look for more of it than in the lifestyles of 8 guidos (and guidettes) spending a summer in Seaside Heights, New Jersey.

Being a New Jersey native myself, I can attest that while some of the situations (no pun intended) are realistic, most people in the Garden State do not act like that. It’s a little embarrassing to see my home portrayed in that way on national TV and have to explain to my fellow students at in Massachusetts that it really isn’t that way. Most of that cast isn’t even from New Jersey. But whatever, it makes us all laugh.

Moving on with Business…

The NFL Conference Championships x MTV’s Jersey Shore:

The AFC – starring:

* The New York Jets as Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino -> This was a no-brainer. Loud, obnoxious, and full of trash talk are attributes that can describe both the Jets and The Situation. During 2009, whether you were at the Jersey Shore, in New York, or just watching TV you could hear smash-talk quotes about other players, not kissing rings, abs, sex, techno, and playing in Week 2 Super Bowls. Both The Situation and the J-E-T-S have appeared to achieve some pretty impressive goals this year. If the Jets can learn anything from The Situation: it is that most of these situations end in failure. The Jets really don’t want to be ” like a half-ass firecracker: just fizzle out real quick and made a loud noise.” You either love them or you hate them. Whatever it is, you can’t help to be a little taken back by what both have done andhave some kind of appreciation for it. Plus, Rex Ryan already is “The Situation plus 40 Years of Cheese Fries”

* Indianapolis Colts as Jenni “JWOWW” Farley -> Like JWOWW, people have come to expect certain things from the Colts that may seem completely ridiculous coming from anyone else. Whether it be dismissing sexual interaction as cheating because house music is playing or clawing back from a 17-point fourth quarter deficit, it just doesn’t seem that far-fetched when it comes from either of these two. JWOWW was once quoted saying, “I’m like a praying mantis. After I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.” Peyton Manning is no different; he’ll host another team in their house for a nice game of football and by the end of four quarters the visitor is left demoralized, saddened, and destroyed. He’ll even shake your hand and give you some advice after! During the Jersey Shore season, JWOWW has proved to the world that she can push the limits when it comes to club attire. There is no piece of cloth that is too damaged for her to throw on before a night out. Holes are actually preferred by JWOWW. In a similar fashion, the Indianapolis Colts have proven that regardless of the many holes in their defense, they too can still go out and look good.

The NFC – starring:

* The Minnesota Vikings as Paul “DJ Pauly D” Delvecchio -> Ignoring all of the Favre-a-Palooza, not too many surprising or shocking stories come out of Minnesota base camp and Pauly D doesn’t do that many outlandish things. However, both are entirely way too entertaining to watch in their natural habitat. Clubbing, practicing, picking up girls, or playing football aside: they both play their respective games very hard and they do it every day. The bottom line, though, is that Brett Favre is honestly way too old to be doing what he is doing this year… and so is Pauly D.

* The New Orleans Saints as Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi -> The end of the Saints’ path to perfection looked remarkably, to me, like being sucker-punched in the face. Like Snooki, the Saints are a little unpredictable. Viewers know that something is going to happen that causes their mouth to drop, they just don’t know what. No matter how bad the hangover is or the loss last night was, they’re ready to go out and do it again the next day. Their inexperience makes them easy candidates for failure when facing older men. But even if you secretly hate them, you love watching them in action. At the end of the day, you realize that they’re both the most likable option to see succeed… plus, Jeremey Shockey has the same STDs that Snooki probably does.

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

The Office is finally kicking off its Sixth Season this Thursday at 9pm eastern. Once again, we’re going to cast The Office using people from the sports world. You can check out last year’s effort here.

Lebron James – Charles MinorNew York Knicks – Kelly KapurCleveland Cavs – Angela Martin
It’s no secret that Lebron James is in demand in the NBA — just like Charles was in the office. He had two main suitors, Angela and Kelly, that basically threw themselves at him with reckless abandon. Kelly and Angela don’t have $30 million a year like the Knicks though.

Holly Flax – Jay Cutler
Michael Scott – Denver Broncos
AJ – Chicago Bears
Holly couldn’t handle change when she had to move to Nashua, just like Jay couldn’t handle a new coach. Instead of working things out, they ran away from their problems by requesting a trade. Now AJ and the Bears get to deal with the good and the bad.

Todd Packer – Terrell Owens
Each of these guys thinks he is god’s gift to their workplace, and each of them wears out their welcome in about 15 minutes. To my knowledge, TO has never taken a dump on the field though…

Ryan Howard – Michelle Wie
Ryan started out with a lot of hype, flew really high, and then crashed and burned. In the past year or so, he seems to be turning things back around. Sound familiar?

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

With the new season of The Office kicking off tomorrow night on NBC, we thought we’d put together our own “Sports Office”, using the original characters as inspiration.

Jim — Chris Cooley
The coolest guy in the office meets perhaps the coolest guy in sports. Both are pranksters and love having fun at work.Pam — Mrs. Chris Cooley
Of course Jim has to get the hottest girl, in this case a former cheerleader, unlike Pam.
Michael — Al Davis
Has kind of lost it, but still thinks that he knows what he is doing. Has a semi-irrational hatred of Lane Kiffin.
Toby — Lane Kiffin
Has a tough job in a tough company, and has to deal with a crazy boss who hates his guts. Both are leaving their present jobs, although I’m not sure if Kiffin has plans to go to Costa Rica.

Dwight — Shaquille O’Neal
They both think that they are cops, as well as talking way too much. Both get the job done pretty well though, Shaq on the court, Dwight in sales.

Creed — Julio Franco
Dude is like 56 years old or something.
Angela — Ashley Harkleroad
Seems like a prude, but if you wait a while, you see things like appearances in Playboy or making out with an ex-boyfriend after you just got engaged.

Meredith — Adam Jones
He likes to drink, she likes to drink. He likes drive recklessly, she likes to get by cars. He likes strippers, she likes to strip. Close enough for us.
Ryan — Martina Hingis
Prodigy at a young age. Went further than anyone thought. Struggled after some time at the top. Coke problem.

Well, we got you started, finish out the list and come up with your best sports figures for Darryl, Phyllis, Jan, Kelly, Oscar, and anyone else we missed. Send it to us using the comment form below.