A breakdown of the 5 new ‘Saturday Night Live’ cast members

So, rumor has it there are 5 new featured players headed to “SNL,” although NBC has yet to confirm. But sill, the rumors persist! Who are these new heroes of comedy? Their names are Beck Bennett, Kyle Mooney, Noel Wells, Mike O’Brien, and John Milhiser. I went to college with 40% of them, so I’m probably the most qualified person around to relate tales of hilarious waffle mishaps in the dining hall, except for this little hitch where I have none of those tales to share. Anyway, here’s a quick rundown of what you need to know about these 5 folks.

Beck Bennett:

You’re probably already in love with Beck Bennett and you don’t even realize it, and even if you aren’t, your mother most definitely is. He’s the gent from those adorable AT&T commercials shot in the elementary school. You know, “Hey, everybody, here’s my puppy brother.”

I know, total father of our (my) unborn children material. Beck’s also in a sketch group called Good Neighbor with Kyle Mooney. One thing I know is that they’re prolific, because I used to get A LOT of Facebook invitations to Good Neighbor shows, which I’m pretty sure were in all caps. I never went. I probably should have gone. They’re funny. This post is about me now.
Kyle Mooney:

Kyle Mooney’s name matches his face. Kyle Mooney. That face. It works. In addition to his work with Good Neighbor, Kyle does stand-up and has appeared on “Parks and Rec” and a show that no longer exists called “Sports Show with Norm Macdonald.”

Here’s a funny Good Neighbor sketch starring Kyle:

Noel Wells:

Noel Wells does a really killer Zooey Deschanel impression. Probably, it’s the best Zooey Deschanel impression around. She had a web series called “Hey! The Zooey Deschanel Show” for a while, and it’s definitely worth watching if you’re feeling over-saturated with quirkiness and need an antidote in the form of parodied quirkiness.

Noel is also a member of the super solid UCB house sketch team New Money, a group full of terrific talent including Echo Kellum, and has acted in a bunch of College Humor videos.

Mike O’Brien:

Oh man, you guys are gonna love Mike O’Brien. He’s already a member of Team “SNL,” having written for the show for 4 seasons and occasionally appearing in bit roles. He also hosts a web series called “7 Minutes in Heaven,” which takes place in a closet and always involves kissing.

Here’s a great episode, featuring John Oliver:

John Milhiser:

John Milhiser is the only one of these new cast members I hadn’t heard of until today, which means nothing outside of the context of everything being about me. But I have done some research! And it looks like John has been a huge UCB player both in New York and Los Angeles. He’s also a stand-up and a member of the sketch group Serious Lunch. Here’s his character reel — and oh my god, it turns out that he’s wonderful:

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Yep. Gonna be a lot more of that this year for which we can all look forward.

Because, you know, diversity for diversity’s sake, and not due to, I don’t know, talent or something… well, you know, that always works out really well.

Really well.

Yep.

By: Teegray

08.24.2013 @ 1:10 AM

Yep. Definitely no talented nonwhite comedians/actors out there. Perhaps they are genetically less talented than whites, as I’ve long suspected. I’VE CERTAINLY NEVER HEARD OF THEM.

By: HistoryofMatt

08.24.2013 @ 1:24 AM

Did I say that?

Nope. I did not say that.

But thanks for playing. :-)

By: teegray

08.24.2013 @ 1:45 AM

Ah, the “thanksforplayingsmileyface.” Truly the sign of a superior intellect.

Listen, buddy, no one was suggesting that NBC cast talentless minority actors for solely for diversity’s sake. That’s the strawman-iest of strawman arguments. McGee, and others — you know, people with sense — were merely proposing that perhaps minority actors were underrepresented in the cast of SNL. Certainly there are loads of talented minority comedians out there, just as there are loads of talented white comedians. How do we know that there are loads of talented white comedians — easy, because they’re pretty much the only ones cast on SNL.

Just about anyone who is put on Saturday Night Light will be extremely talented, I’m talking in the 99th percentile of funny people in the world. So if we take it as a given that potential cast members are funny and talented, then other factors can also be taken into consideration. Lorne Michaels could cast all funny men if he wanted. They’d all be funny. They’d also all be men. But why do that? That would block off opportunities to women, and block off SNL from benefitting from having in the cast. That’s why SNL has a cast with a members of both genders — it’s still edged towards men, but there is variety. The same thing goes for cast members of different races. SNL benefits from having a cast that is talented, but also from having a cast that is diverse. I mean, that’s just obvious.

Why is it that your very first response to the announcement of some new cast members is to more-or-less rejoice that none of them were people of color? Is your world so threatened by talented nonwhite people being given opportunities?

How ’bout that? Can I play again? My mom’s almost out of quarters.

By: HistoryofMatt

08.24.2013 @ 2:19 AM

You assume much. And you know what that makes you, correct?

You read much more into what I said than I actually said. You know that means you’re projecting, don’t you?

Mostly, I made the comment because this is what will happen. As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow and the tides will change. This will happen. So I thought I’d cut it off at the pass, it’s so predictable.

I also made the comment because as much as McGee bitches about the lack of “diversity” in the SNL cast, he never offers an alternative. He never offers a way to fix what he sees as a problem, simply content to point out there is a problem ad nauseum.

He never names any cast member he would fire and then replace with an equally funny comedian of an ethnicity other than caucasian. When you get down to it, that’s what’s most particularly galling.

It takes absolutely no effort at all to scream “diversity!” constantly. It takes a little more effort to advocate that someone else lose their job and then name the appropriate replacement, as you would see fit.

In fact, we’ve now gotten to the point in the public discourse when someone yells, “racist!” “homophobe!” “sexist!” etc. at someone else, it’s actually an act of narcissism.

“We” want everyone listening / reading to know that “we” are NOT what we accuse others of being. “We” don’t actually care if the person is what we accuse them of being, “we” don’t care what’s really the issue or the problem, and “we” definitely don’t make an effort to explain how to fix the situation.

“We” just need to make sure everyone else within earshot knows “we” are not a racist, sexist, homophobe, etc.

For example: the racist hoax at Oberlin College in March, which made news everywhere, perpetrated by a couple of Organize for America trolls (yep, true story). They spray painted swastikas, they hung up demeaning flyers against gay people, women, and other minorities, and out of all of this, the whole campus ground to a halt. Town Hall-style meetings were held. Diversity seminars given. Even though the leadership of the college knew it was a hoax, and that it was being perpetuated by students they would soon apprehend, they had to make sure “appearances” were correct. To appease the masses ready to throw blanket statements of racism, sexism, etc, at the College.

There wasn’t actually a problem. Only the appearance of a problem. Instead of exposing the hoax for what they knew it to be, the conformed to the politically correct pressure, as opposed to logic and reason, and did everything they could to make sure everyone everywhere knew they were going to “fix” the problem.

Even though there was no problem to fix.

And of course, people like Lena Dunham, a celebrity alum, made sure everyone on twitter and across the internet knew SHE wasn’t racist. You know, to make sure any stink didn’t get on her.

So, you know, things like that, where appearances matter more than reality and “issues” appear out of thin air whether they truly exist or not, all has gotten pretty annoying.

But mainly, I just find it all really funny, how so many l proper liberals at SNL, Seth Meyers and Lorne Michaels, and before Meyers, Tina Fey, are the ones who are making these choices as to who gets on the show.

Maybe a little more examination of that particular phenomenon, with perhaps some actual ideas as to HOW to fix the situation you view as a problem and WHO you would want to fire and then hire, would go a long way to ending the annoyance I, and others, feel when reading the narcissistic exclamations of “diversity!” that do nothing, in the end, but ensure people understand how “sensitive” and “right-thinking” you are.

But, you know, keep on assuming and inferring about me, and doing what you do.

Keep on materializing these kind of issues out of thin air that do nothing but water down the actual issues we have with diversity in our society.

And, BTW, you’re doing a bang-up job of using projection to paint a picture of how you think I am. ;-)

By: Teegray

08.24.2013 @ 2:22 AM

Jesus. This is like watching “Joe.”

By: HistoryofMatt

08.24.2013 @ 2:32 AM

Welp. Take some responsibility, because you called down the thunder.

Still waiting on you, or anyone, to offer alternatives.

Who would you fire and then hire at SNL?

Would you get rid of Seth Meyers, the head writer? Who would you hire to replace him?

Would you get rid of Lorne Michaels, who makes the ultimate choice as to who is talented enough to be on his show and who isn’t talented enough? And then, as before, who would you hire to replace him?

Which casts members would you fire?

And then, which comics would you hire?

By: Teegray

08.24.2013 @ 2:47 AM

Yes…I certainly “called down the thunder.” Look here, buddy, I’m not Lorne Michaels, let alone fucking Zeus. My responsibility towards SNL extends no further than choosing whether or not to watch it. I don’t actually have the resources to conduct the massive talent searches and rounds of auditions that SNL does on a yearly basis. I’m not a casting director, nor do I have an encyclopedic memory for up-and-coming comedians. So I won’t be accepting this asinine “challenge” of yours, which basically amounts to no more than “Oh, yeah? If you think it’s so bad, then do it yourself.” Which is the worst goddamned argument of the planet. I mean, seriously. That’s like debate 101.

This “argument” clearly left the realm of sense or logic when you had your little nervous breakdown earlier, so I’m not 100% sure why I’m even responding to this, but I just need to say that I think you have some real anger and resentment problems that I think could be very dangerous if not dealt with. You don’t really have any reason to be so afraid of things, trust me.

By: HistoryofMatt

08.24.2013 @ 2:57 AM

Weird. Again, that’s a lot of projecting, a lot of assuming, a lot of inferring.

Annoyed? Yeah. Angry? Nope. Afraid? Um, nope.

If you offer no ways to fix the issue as you see it, why point it out?

Oh, that’s right, because it makes you “feel” better. And feeling better, as opposed to doing better, is all that counts.

I’m saying “do better.”

Or trust that the very liberal Lorne Michaels and Seth Meyers, who are very, very aware of the whiteness of their cast, are doing everything they can to find the most talented comedians to be on their show that they can.

It’s funny, though, your continued responses.

I say, “Stop doing nothing but bitching about the problem, and offer solutions to FIX the problem,” but to you that makes me angry and afraid and whatever other adjectives you choose to project on me.

As opposed to, you know, rational.

Again, thanks for playing. Buddy. :-)

By: Teegray

08.24.2013 @ 3:14 AM

Ok, Matt, if this satisfies your narrow mind:
3 cast members have left anyways, so you don’t really have to “fire” anyone, but if I had to…
Fire Tim Robinson and Aidy Bryant. Maybe Kenan.
Phase out Seth Myers as head writer (which is gonna happen anyways).

There you go. By doing this I’ve accomplished nothing but what a crazy stranger asked me to do.

By: HistoryofMatt

08.24.2013 @ 3:23 AM

Sigh. Again, please explain to me how telling someone to fix the problem instead of just bitching about the problem, makes me narrow-minded?

Is that where we’re really at in this country? We’re all so hopped up on things that mean nothing (Hope and Change) that when someone says, “Okay, you say there’s a problem, now tell me how you fix it,” that it’s okay to attack the person for daring to ask you to follow through?

I swear to God, all some people do is shout “FIRE!” all day long. But none of them life a finger to put out the fire (if there is one at all). And then when someone says, “I hear you… so… how about you put out the fire?” THEY’RE the bad guy.

Anyways.

Those aren’t bad suggestions on how to fix the issue.

Who would you name as head writer?

Me? I’d go after Aisha Tyler: pound for pound, the funniest person on the planet right now.

But that’s just me.

By: HistoryofMatt

08.24.2013 @ 3:29 AM

I also think SNL needs to shake up the way they handle the cast, too.

This is an idea I’ve stolen from Bill Simmons:

Get the best celebrity host you can and make them a cast member for a whole season. Just once.

So, this year it could be Alec Baldwin. Next year it could be Justin Timberlake. Then Donald Glover. Then Jon Hamm. And on and on.

There would still be the regular host, of course, but this would be a way to add guaranteed new blood to the cast year in and year out, draw more eyeballs and create new SNL conversations where instead of saying, “Remember the cast of which Jon Lovitz and Dennis Miller and Phil Hartman were a part? They were the best!” To, “Remember the year Timberlake was a cast member, that was awesome!” “No, the year Baldwin was a cast member was the best year SNL ever had!”

By: Alice

08.27.2013 @ 4:50 PM

Dude, you’re like way too serious about this… nobody even watches that show anymore.