Boo!

It's Halloween and that means the kids are going door-to-door collecting their Snickers bars. I'm not much into dressing up, but I do like to stay home and pass out candy. When I was growing up, I trick-or-treated for hours, filling up a paper grocery sack full before heading home and bartering for chocolate with my little brother, the candy vacuum.

I was afraid of a lot of things back then: the dark corner of our basement, roller coasters and monsters. Our church youth group would make a trip to Wichita every October to go through at least one haunted house. I don't know why I spent my babysitting money to let people scare the stuffing out of me. It's pretty tricky to run with your head down the whole way through a haunted house, but I managed to pull it off every year.

One thing I know for sure...fear is a thief. It robs me of space in my mind and peace in my heart. Panic is paralyzing, keeping me from moving forward in life's journey. A close relationship with God isn't possible with awful anxiety flooding my psyche. I choose to push all fear out of me and replace it with the all-powerful love of Christ.

Deuteronomy 20:3-4 (KJV) 3 And shall say unto them, Hear, O Israel, ye approach this day unto battle against your enemies: let not your hearts faint, fear not, and do not tremble, neither be ye terrified because of them; 4 For the LORD your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

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One more week before the $25 Target gift card will be awarded to one lucky Female in Motion reader. Post a comment now on my blog post "What Am I Doing Here?" or on my FIM Facebook page. You could do all kinds of damage at Target with 25 bucks!

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Female in Motion Exercise Update: I did four 20-minute workouts with aerobics and balance games, then followed up with eight miles of jogging last week, at two miles per day. I am gaining confidence every week with my increased exercise. Interesting how that works!

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Never leaving my memory for long, I contemplated the painting and its meaning. I even dreamt of walking down that tree-lined pathway. The price was very dear, so I knew it was not meant for me to own this beautiful work of art.

When February 2012 came, I had my usual well-woman exam and mammogram. However, the breast exam showed abnormalities, so I had to have a follow-up needle biopsy. Being diagnosed with breast cancer on my 50th birthday was a bit of a cruel joke. Honestly, I can't remember much about the rest of that day. There was definitely no party.

Let's get real. I'm not a perfect Christian, not a perfect wife, not a perfect mother. When you read what I put in my blog posts, you get only a small snapshot of my life.

Fact: I have battled cyclical depression most of my adult life. Since I am high-functioning, most people don't know if they see me in person. Throwing myself into work and other projects helps me cope.

Fact: One of my daughters has not spoken to me since May 2015. I miss her deeply, love her unconditionally and wish her only the best. The pain of that loss is profound.

Fact: The struggle I have with self-worth is constant and stressful. You can tell when it's getting the best of me when my hair is uncut for months, nails are bitten short and weight is up. I simply don't feel I am worthy.

Before you start thinking I've boarded the Self-Pity Train, let me assure you--I still have hope. It's a tiny glimmer some days, but I know He won't let me down.

Whoa. I did not expect all the feedback from last week's blog post. This week, I want to tell you why I wrote what I did.

Lately, when readers comment on my posts, they say it was great, or they needed to hear it. The ones I really cringe at are "You're such a good Christian," or "You know so much about the Bible."

While I strive to be closer to God, I'm no saint. I don't want to be held up as a paragon to anyone. Maturing in the faith is what I want to accomplish. We all have our own journey.

The tiny glimmer of hope I wrote about last week has become a bit stronger. My daughter and I spoke yesterday and we have plans to visit again in a few months. Because I want to honor and respect her privacy, this is the last time I will write about our relationship on the blog.

Dear readers and friends, thank you for your spiritual intervention on my behalf. I have felt these prayers in my soul.