Tuesday, 3 August 2010

A LITTLE LECTURE FOR MY NEW PHONE . . .

Dear phone,

I love you, I really do. The past few weeks I've spent with you . . . they've been great, they really have. I've enjoyed the silly apps I can download, I can spend hours playing pointless games, I LOVE the wi-fi access, and it's the first time my phone has had a half decent camera on it. So I thank you for all those things. A million times over. Sincerely.

But there's something I need to talk to you about.

You have GOT to stop putting words in my mouth.

At first it was just silly little mistakes. The type of thing that used to happen back when I had a BlackBerry and everytime I typed the word "Like" it would change it to "Luke" via predictive text, despite the fact I KNEW NO-ONE CALLED LUKE!!! Stuff like that. So I would type "if" and you would change it to "of". Which is a bit annoying. I know SOMETIMES you think you know better than me, like if I've typed "fanny" when I actually meant "funny" or something like that (I don't think I've done that, it's just an example.) But you have to give me the benefit of the doubt sometimes.

Because it's making me look stupid now. And that's just embarrassing. I should be USED to you by now. People are going to think I don't understand how to use a phone!!! In this day and age, that's like not knowing how to use a PHOTOCOPIER. (Um . . . bad example . . .)

What about the time I was trying to wish a fellow blogger well done on her diet via email and you changed my "congrats hon!" to "contracts hon!"???? (Like THAT is going to make sense...)

The day I was talking on twitter about how I'd just spent 84 pounds in Miss Selfridgeand you changed it to "Miss Fridge".

There IS NO "MISS FRIDGE", dumbass!!!

A fellow twitterer/tweeter/whatever you call it sent me, via text, a photo of a guy she was going on a date with soon. My response was meant to be "Oooh, very nice!"

What did YOU change it to??? Don't pretend you don't remember!!!

Oh, yeah, that's right. "Pooh, very nice!"

There could potentially be A LOT wrong with that sentence . . .

And don't even get me STARTED on my Facebook status update about finding the latest emo hangout which you, in your infinite wisdom changed to "emo handout". Yes, that's right, I was walking down the street and discovered a handout on "how to be an emo". I'm trying it out right now, can't you see???

I do love you, phone, but please PLEASE stop over-correcting me. My pride just can't take it anymore.

Love

P xxx

Have you ever sent an embarrassing text/email/tweet that was your phone's fault, not yours??? Please feel free to shake... I mean, SHARE!!! (Stupid netbook!) :)

13 comments:

I DESPISE predictive text - especially after one of the people I used to work with told me how whenever they tried to text the name of one of their pals, their phone kept changing it to 'Anal'. Not nice.

Even when I'm wasted I think my general spelling isn't too shabby - to the point where folk may not realise just how pissed I actually am. So... TOUCH WOOD! I don't think I've sent embarrassing messages to anyone...

I hate predictive text for that very reason - and also because it takes ages to change to the actual word i want to use. So i've turned my predictive text off and spell everything out myself. You know, old school style...

Ha, that’s so funny. My phones not too bad but it can't do punctuated words very well so always puts 'I've' as 'I.ve' and annoying things like that so I've just given up and accepted that it makes me look illiterate. But today I have my crackberry...ahh ha. I gave in!

(did you know that if you put type ‘vodka’ into your phone for the very first time predictive text changes it to poison...quite apt that :) ) x

Oh, I HATE that!! I can't remember many specific examples... but let's just say that my phone obviously doesn't approve of my choice of language sometimes. It's been known to change my favorite four letter F-word to a web-footed animal. And somehow, "DUCK you" just didn't convey the message I was trying to get across. It's hard to be taken seriously, ya know? Haha :)

Well if only it was on spell checks... I used to have a phone, that always insisted on the text being "german" (I changed it millions of times!) so every time I wrote to my friends, some non-sense german word came across! Not sure what happened with that phone (probably drowned it) but this other one learned the lessons ;)