Traditions are traditionally something that occur over and over and over again. Christmas. Easter. Your weird uncle telling the same three stories after a few scotches at every family gathering since the mid 90s. You come to count on them. You stand behind them. You guarantee them.

And so goes the annual goat selection here at OilersNation.

WHAT IS A GOAT?

Many many moons ago we used to sit around with our buddies and discuss the Oilers at extreme length over poker games of extreme length. Blame would be showered on 91% of the lineup on any given night only to have the same buddies declare their undying love for the same players they were dissing the night before.

It got annoying and as the seasons ran on and the Oilers floated gently to the bottom of the league floor we decided that all the negativity needed to be contained and the braintrust of the boys decided to name a goat. The goat is the player that you blame for everything that goes wrong.

Ales Hemsky whiffs one? Damn the Goat for passing him the puck in such an off tempo manner. Oh it wasn’t the Goat that passed him the puck? Damn his poor positional play causing a hurried pass. Goat boy wasn’t on the ice for the whiff? Curse his bench sitting technique all to hell!

Now should your Goat actually cause some sort of unfortunate incident on the ice? Now you’re talking! Friends witnessing the gaffe will often look to you and say “good call going with ___ as your Goat this season. That guy is twelve shades of shit.” You can then sit back, smug in your predictory skills, almost taking pleasure at the brutalness of Senor Goato.

This is the way we pass the winter Nation. Until we figure out a way to keep Edmonton 24 degrees year round, this is the best we can do.

Ah 2009 Wanye. How precious you were back then. If we could only go back in time and tell you what was on the horizon in your life wearing #14 and needing only to flash a single gap toothed smile to melt your heart.

WHO HAVE BEEN PREVIOUS GOATS?

The pantheon of previous Goaterati reads like a who's who of crap. Theo Peckham, Tom Gilbert, Denis Grebeshkov (2x) Nikolai Khabibulin. They are generally overpaid, completely unsexy and whipping boys for yet another season gone awry.

We try and limit our goats to players who are paid to be impact players, expected to be impact players, projected to be impact players yet do little to help our beloved Oilers climb out of the nearly decade long hole in which they are plugged.

There is no sense naming a fourth line player or a prospect a goat. What do you expect from the guy? He is doing his best to remain in the lineup. He should be celebrated for trying to overcome long odds not heaped with scorn. For this reason ol' goatie McGrebs will be spared a record third year of being named our goat.

No Grebs its impressive that you have somehow found your way back to our remote Canadian outpost from whatever frozen Russian outpost you have been at for the past while. We wish you nothing but luck in your quest to return to the NHL. Should you land a roster spot and sign a long term deal you will be back on blast.

But for now - good luck.

AND THE WINNER IS

We see you there Jeff. Wearing the ol' Boris Mironov #2 special. Growing out your hair to look like your presumed hero Tom Gilbert. You play a lot like Tom Gilbert too - soft as a tub of margarine left in the sun in a town square in Yemen on the hottest day of the summer.

Yeah Jeff - you are exactly like that.

Do you know where your hero Tom Gilbert is playing now? Exactly. No one knows. He hasn't been heard from in months. And if you don't start to turn the corner and cash in on all of your promise you too will be on isolation island just like your best friend Tom.

You had 5 whole points and went dash 12 last year in 35 games Jeff. That's absurd. Get ready for a year of scorn from your ol' pal Wanye.

BAAAAA

Please name your goat in the comments below and explain why he or she is the worst player in the history of organized sport.

Thursday is star day.

Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me.
Tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes. Find me on instagram for photos of donairs.

My former favorite-- Ryan Smyth. He broke our hearts when he selfishly refused to sign for a pittance less money and forced ol' Six Rings and co. to trade him to Fantasy Island only to work himself back to the true north, out of energy, and unable to skate the length of the ice without needing an oxygen tank and a walker. He also became one of the three points of the notorious Belanger triangle and has since been upended by newer, shinier toys on the Oiler roster. Ryan Smith. My former favorite. My goat.

Making more money than Jesus at $1.5 MILLION!! You sir are my goat for the year. You once scored 17 and 18 Ginos, but I have watched you shovel the puck out of the corner right on an opposing defender's stick one too many times (and by my count, last year was 48 times... so maybe 45 too many times).

You are here to provide some grit. some jam, some sandpaper, some truculence. The only thing you provide is a lot of hurried chaos without getting much done.

Ryan Jones. Your hunting buddy SMac is back, but you will have more time to work on your shooting, when you should be working on your shot.

I've been saying it pretty much ever since Jones came here. He isn't an energy player. He doesn't hit, I don't care what the stats say, watch the games and point out his hits, they don't happen unless he accidently bumps into someone. He had no pedigree and still doesn't. Those "magical" 17 & 18 goal seasons everyone keeps bringing up; most of those goals came from either "goal sucking" "cheating offensively" whatever you want to call it, or from pure luck on garbage around the net off of others efforts. Not from skill or hard work. He's an okay penalty killer I'll give him that much. He seems to be an extremely likeable guy but I've never understood the love affair over him as a player.

Trash it if the truth hurts. Jones is a goat if he makes it. Jones' contract is a goat if he doesn't and clears waivers.

Jones. Though he won't be on the team, I suspect. In the absence of Jones, I think Smyth. He will once again show promise at the start of the year, but once November hits he'll be water skiing instead of back checking, and he'll lead the team (again) in "Ethan Moreau low percentage shots".