It has been a long time since I posted. I can only apologise for that. I have had a lot going on, I’ve been really busy, and I needed to do some soul searching.

Since I last posted, I became a student studying BSc Hons Natural Sciences through The Open University, and I absolutely love it, although it isn’t without its difficulties. I hope to one day become a Marine Biologist, or at least that is the dream.

Also, while I was gone, I saw the comeback of Shenmue III. I really can’t wait for this release. I have played through the first 2 about 10 times! Bear in mind that my other half introduced me to Shenmue. Also, I finally got to see the release of The Last Guardian (I am a big fan of the Ico series).

After years of churning out overly-serious Resident Evil sequels and spin-offs, it’s great to see Capcom back to its humourous best (well, Capcom USA, at least) by releasing new DLC for Dead Rising 3 that references its habit of adding every superlative under the sun to its every update, though the lack of “Turbo” in there surely can’t be an indicator of further revisions later, can it?

Anything but cynically launched with immediate effect to commemorate the company’s 31th fan-iversary [sic], SUDR3ARHEEXPA (deep breath) allows the standard Dead Rising 3 cast to cosplay as old Capcom favourites including the Street Fighter gang, Tofu from Resident Evil 2 and even Final Fight’s Mike Haggar, who now suspiciously looks more like Freddie Mercury than ever.

In a market overcrowded with more serious takes on pandemics, mass infections and even the less serious zombie-starring games out there, it’s great to know we can still rely on Dead Rising to present a tongue-in-cheek look at the same subject material. To quote the old Street Fighter announcer, here comes a new challenger, and, at least for now, ironically one rather tellingly exclusive to Microsoft’s flagship platform, the Xbox One, along with the rather similar Sunset Overdrive.

As perhaps Microsoft’s single biggest Xbox One exclusive in terms of sheer promotion during the company’s 2014 E3 presentation, this game really seemed like the “second son” of Jet Set Radio (who else remembers that?) and Dead Rising, only raised on a diet of what can only be described as… well, orange Lucozade is the closest fit!

Fast, riotous and certainly unique, this hyper exaggerated shooting action title based partly on grind rails even rips a page from the X-Men universe of all places with its creative decision to have mutants standing in for zombies – a sign that former genre staple may now be regarded as too commonplace in recent generations of videogames.

“You are the hero” and “customise and be who you want to be” were choice on-stage quotes from Ted Price, head of development team, Insomniac. With guns taking the place of spray paint, this highly anticipated title wears its many influences proudly on bold, vibrant sleeves, any gore traded for onomatopoeic clouds.

Expect more highlights from E3 2014 later as I will be adding my personal favourite showstoppers over the course of the day, so be sure to check back periodically. Also, in something of an exclusive, guest commentary from a renowned journalist is on the cards. Just don’t complain if such generosity becomes a regular feature!

The new Tomb Raider, currently in development at Crystal Dynamics and due for release in March next year through Square-Enix, controversially includes a twenty-second attempted rape scene. If closed-minded, this would give to me the impression that all men are little more than feral beasts, sex continues to sell (despite the industry’s best attempts to move on from such a shallow mindset), while being the victim of violent sexual assault enpowers women.

Of course, this isn’t always the case. Actually, it is very rarely the case, and I personally believe the aforementioned scene should be removed completely. Regardless, women who have been victims of this horrific crime especially will not be pleased with this glorified treatment of what is, in reality, a poor excuse at background setting in the absence of less vulgar material.

Additionally, even the most typical of alpha males would find Crystal Dynamics’ generalised representation of their species insulted due to its continued implication of the special as one dimensional sex hungry animals. This new, vulnerable Lara Croft sure follows the pattern of being an inflated characterisation, only nobody could ever morally feel comfortable in sypathising with a figure created purely to advertise empowerment through suffering.

On the subject of the various trials Lara must endure during what sees to be her first adventure, haven’t we spent the last fifteen years or so since her PlayStation and Sega Saturn debut watching a quantum revolution occur in the field of videogame graphics? Clearly not, as the programmers behind this latest – and second – reboot continue to make such basic mistakes as not showing any permanent damage following the various injuries she experiences over the duration of a mere teaser video…

Impalement? Burning? Heck, even after being ravaged by a dog, Lara shakes all of this off in the blink of a viewer’s eye. Miraculously, she even manages to defy worldly physics with her rigid hair, apparently waterproof clothing and superhuman ability to survive being struck by the fuselage of a plane. For someone pushed through the wringer (or should that be a never-ending assault course of tribulations?), she really does give the impression of being sculpted from Teflon. Then again, she has been accused of bearing certain Silicone-enhanced assets in the past!

Yes, this back-to-square-one approach depicts a younger Ms. Croft learning to follow in the footsteps of her ancestors by learning to hunt (for which she initially shows remorse, though again this is spelled out with all the subtlety of a whisper projected through a loudspeaker), but just as soon as this almost sensible progression of Tomb Raider’s absurd plot is covered, she is then seen leaping around like a seasoned pro.

So, not content with upsetting her prospective male audience, females everywhere and even the vegetarian fraternity who will naturally object to her thoughtless slaughtering of virtually an entire zoo over the course of a three minute trailer, Lara is then restricted by the BBFC to a mature audience. Earlier titles may have been rated anything from the 12 and up, and few fresh-faced players will even be aware to experience the world of Tomb Raider, but now they don’t even have the opportunity – legally, at least.

Then again, when did 18 certificates prevent minors from enjoying the latest Grand Theft Auto – a series that has already tacked (quite literally) male full-frontal nudity and more violence that your typical grindhouse cinema was capable of churning out over its projector in a lifetime? Although it’s likely to make such an impact over a more lengthy period of time, the fact remains that Tomb Raider will now be crystalised in the memories of a new generation for THAT scene.

Still, it’s probably better than riding on the back of a train labelled “girl power” in the mid-to-late 1990s, the positively pneumatic all-style-and-no-substance live action films or the shame at being reduced to appearing in Lucozade commercials once the original series ran out of steam. Sex sells, but is there really a market for games where you are expected to believe the hardening of someone based on a few scrapes quickly brushed off and becoming the prey of lecherous men?

Naturally, consumers will prove the ultimate judge when the end result of all this heated discussion reaches shelves in 2013… assuming the world hasn’t already ended by then as a result of meltdown generated by a piece of computer entertainment fluff. Because, at the end of the day, that’s all Lara Croft and the Tomb Raider franchise she fronts really is – a front for a committee of mid-40s has-been designers who now resort to shock tactics because their once fertile creativity has dried like a reservoir prior to a hosepipe ban.