Student Newspaper of the College of the Holy Cross

What You Should Know About Long Distance

“No, we’re actually going to stay together,” I said with a confident smile. Prior to leaving for college, I was asked what my boyfriend and I were planning to do time and time again. This question is one that is unavoidable when you are in a relationship during your senior year of high school. If you haven’t given it much thought or you just aren’t sure yet, this question can make you feel like a deer in headlights. A relationship is a huge commitment that takes time, love, understanding, communication, and most of all: hard work.

To begin thinking about whether you’re up for being one half of the challenge that is long distance, you need to look at the facts. If you are going to stay with your significant other, they need to make you really happy. Not just kind of happy, not just sometimes happy, but truly happy. Keep in mind that you will likely not be seeing them as much as you used to, with some couples seeing each other every few weeks or months. Luckily, my boyfriend attends Union College in Schenectady New York. While Holy Cross and Union are only 2 hours away, the total trip time on a Greyhound bus is 4 hours. The cost is about $80, which although it seems like a small amount, adds up. Even though we are relatively close, we usually see each other once a month, and alternate who makes the trip.

Although we see each other once a month, things still aren’t easy. There are times when I’ll be out with my friends, and I’ll hit a wall of sadness because I’m lonely. It is hard to be without the person you love, and it is important to always communicate your feelings to the fullest. When I am feeling down, I text him or call him and we talk it through, and then I turn to my amazing best friends. I don’t have these moments of sadness too often, but when I do, I look to my own strength and the love of those closest to me. If you want to be in a long-distance relationship, you must always put your happiness and well being in the spotlight. It is okay to be sad sometimes, because to be sad is to be human. It is not okay though, to disconnect yourself from your college experience and close yourself off from everyone but your significant other who is not even physically with you. It is important that you are always happy. How can you make someone else happy if you can’t be happy yourself? You can never rely on someone else for your happiness, although an occasional and loving shoulder to cry on is okay.

Up until this point, I’ve neglected to mention the most important aspect of being in a long-distance relationship: Trust is essential. Without trust, the relationship will be nothing. My boyfriend and I trust each other, meaning that we don’t spy on each other’s social media accounts, we tell each other everything, and always make sure that there are no secrets. All emotions and issues and encounters must be out on the table. If you feel that you have something to hide from your significant other, odds are you shouldn’t be in the relationship. You should always make sure that you are being honest and fair.

My final word of advice is one that goes hand in hand with being honest and fair. Do. Not. Cheat. If you feel like you want to see someone else, immediately break up with your significant other. Cheating is never acceptable. Being lonely is not an excuse and neither is being drunk. This doesn’t apply to long distance relationships only, but to any relationship. Breaking up with someone is your basic right and is respectful and decent. Cheating is demeaning and hurtful and neglectful. Do not cheat under any circumstances.

To all reading this, I hope that everything works out, and I urge you to be happy. Always make sure to communicate with and be respectful to your significant other, and always make sure that you are both living your best lives when you’re together.