Gene P here, and to celebrate Kelly Slater’s 4th win on the WCT and all but wrapping up his 9th World Title, I’m happy to report to you, my gentle readers, after years of searching I have finally unearthed the secret to his success. It’s all due to a lost mystic surf film, which he stumbled upon ages ago while searching for neon pink boogie board leashes at his local surf shop in Florida. Did I astonish you? Well don’t fear dear reader, but yes, it’s true, Kelly Slater was originally a sponger. And it was this movie, mysteriously titled simply North Shore, that inspired him to give up the prone position. In this at times cryptic film to a bygone era, he learned all he has ever known about surfing. It answers the big questions of the sport, such as: How to duck dive? What’s a “Barney”? Just how aggro are the Brazilians? And, can you tell someone is lame by the way they wear their shorts? These and more are all answered within, proceed with caution my sweet baby-teethed blondies, these truths just may set you free……

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