Monday, 17 September 2012

Dealing with women who're insecure

Insecurity is not a trait limited to women. There are
many men who are also insecure, especially if they perceive themselves
to be the lesser partner in a relationship. But most often, it seems to
be women who are the more insecure of the species.Insecurity is damaging to a relationship especially
when it is totally unjustified. If a woman is insecure and constantly
finding fault with her partner as a result, there will come a point when
he will get fed up trying to placate her and prefer being with someone
who is more deserving of his affection.TIP: 'Tell Me Honey...2000 Questions for Couples'
is a book from Amazon.com that helps you understand women by asking the
right questions. It's also available as an instant download ebook.But if insecurity is one of her only failings (and you
could do worse), it might help to assess the extent of the problem and
conduct some damage control. If you are in a relationship and you notice
some of these tell-tale signs, without ever having given her reason to
feel this way, you are dealing with an insecure woman.

She is always needy. She depends on you for
everything and makes you aware of it. She is clingy and wants to be
around you all the time.

She is often plagued with doubts about her self-worth and suffers from low self-esteem.

She is suspicious of your every move and you feel you have to account to her for everything.

She often wants access to all your personal communication, cell phone messages, etc.

She makes you feel on edge because you have to be on your guard or defend yourself to her.

She often accuses you of being tempted to cheat on
her or of actually being unfaithful and you have never done anything to
warrant it.

She complains of being neglected or feeling left out of your life.

While most of us are insecure about something, be it
our looks, intelligence or popularity, we tend to deal with it and get
on with our lives. We are aware that we are lacking in a certain
department, but also reassure ourselves that we compensate for it in
another area. Insecurity becomes a problem when it assumes
larger-than-life proportions and verges on paranoia. It is worth
examining the problem and getting to the root cause of the insecurity,
just as any paranoia can be traced to certain deep-rooted fears.
Most often, insecurity stems from a basic lack of
confidence. A feeling of just not being good enough and not being able
to measure up to expectations, more from the woman herself, than from
any external source. It could be early childhood experiences like a
harsh growing-up environment, being orphaned, negligent foster care, an
abusive parent or being denied love and still craving it.Sometimes a woman becomes insecure due to severe
criticism, either from parents or siblings, that she’s too lazy or
inefficient or totally lacking in looks for anyone to ever be attracted
to her. Or she may have become insecure more recently when a
relationship went sour and she got dumped, or found out that her
boyfriend was cheating on her.If you are not able to get to the root of the problem
yourself, seek help. In order to get her to commit to seeking help, she
has to first admit that there is a problem and it is not you. If you
point fingers or try to assign blame, she will withdraw. And accuse you
of having something to hide after all. Even if you do not ascertain a
cause, the important thing is to get her to acknowledge in the most
subtle way possible that there is a problem and you are willing to
tackle it head-on and support her through it. Be patient and tolerant of
her uncertainties.In order to get her to open up and confide in you
about her deepest fears or allow you to get somebody to help her if you
can’t, she has to really begin to trust you. And once she really trusts
you, not just says she does but actually believes it, a lot of her
insecurities will vanish into thin air. But in order for her to reach
even this halfway point, you have to sit down and communicate.Show her that your life is an open book. Tell her that
you are willing to answer any questions she has at that point or
account for any time that she thinks you were up to no good, but it ends
there. Tell her about your past relationships and bad experiences and
ask her if she would like to share some of hers.Reassure her that you are with her because you like
her as she is, except for her unjustified and uncalled for accusations.
If she is under the impression that you are after someone who is better
looking, sexier, more intelligent or all of the above, lighten the
situation by telling her you wouldn’t know what to do with a woman like
that and might be intimidated at the prospect.Remind her that you enjoy your relationship and her
presence in your life and the only reason it is stopping short of being
perfect is because of the unhappiness she feels and the hurt you
apparently cause her. And that makes you miserable too. Let her know
subtly that her accusations are irrational and you would never
contemplate doing what she is accusing you of. And say it only if you
mean it.Be absolutely honest and upfront. In order to
completely gain her trust, you have to work doubly hard than you would
with someone who is not insecure. That means avoiding telling her even
tiny white lies or deception of any sort. If she finds out the truth, it
will be sufficient to undo all the success you have had thus far in
getting her to trust you.Be appreciative of her good qualities and reinforce
them so that she too starts feeling good about herself. Seek her opinion
and let her know it matters to you.Support and encourage her to take up new endeavours
and pursue activities that will creatively engage her energies, thus
leaving her with less free time to obsess about or ponder over her
insecurities. As difficult as it is to deal with a woman who’s
perpetually insecure, it can be done. First you have to be convinced of
your dedication and commitment to the relationship and once you surmount
the problem together, you will be a stronger couple for it.