Here’s the gist of it — she’s had a gay male friend for about 15 years, and a boyfriend — Jay — of 6 years.

The friend told her that he had feelings for Jay, and the two males became good friends. She warned Jay not to lead the friend on, the friend starts sending Jay suggestive texts, yadda yadda.

Then it gets interesting:

Then last month he and Jay, went out of town for a weekend convention with his best friend. It comes out that Jay and our gay friend had sexual relations and they intentionally got a room with a single bed for the purpose for ‘cuddling.’ It was our gay friend that called me in tears and told me everything while apologizing profusely. “He’s a great guy, I got him drunk so he’d agree and all he wanted was to come home to you, I’m sorry.”

When I asked Jay about it he got very very angry, defensive and at first would not admit to anything. Later he fessed up to everything and confirmed what out friend had told me– he’s not gay, but wanted to experiment. “I learned that I’m most defiantly NOT gay. It only confirmed that I am most definitely into women.”

When I asked him if he was sorry for cheating on me he said, “It wasn’t cheating because it was with another guy. If you slept with another girl, I wouldn’t be mad, I’d pull up a chair! I have nothing to apologize for.” He then suggested that if I wanted to get even I had his PERMISSION to go sleep with another girl!

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22 Comments

You shouldn’t cheat on a partner to whom you have committed yourself. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have desires for other people. We are all entitled to desire whomever we wish to desire.

Also, I don’t think that cuddling a person other than your partner is cheating. It’s only cheating if you swap spit.

April 12, 2016 at 8:04am

avesraggiana

Hahaha! The serpentine logic that people use to rationalise their frat-boy behaviour. Love it!

April 12, 2016 at 8:04am

1EqualityUSA

I disagree with you, Brian, when you say that we are entitled to desire whomever we wish. Mental and emotional abandonment can be just as pervasive as actually swapping physical anythings.

April 12, 2016 at 9:04am

Billy Budd

@1EqualityUSA: I disagree with you Equality. People will ALWAYS feel attracted to or appreciate the beauty of other people, regardless of how committed or in love they are. There is too much beauty in the world and you cannot block your primal instincts with a ring or a son. What you CAN do is choose not to act on your desires.

April 12, 2016 at 9:04am

GC1985

@Billy Budd: The typical argument of someone who has let sex basically run his life. While you are not defending pedophilia, you are now speaking for everybody else. Get a grip.

April 12, 2016 at 10:04am

Josh447

Wow the first paragraph is so grammatically warped along w misspells it’s barely comprehendable.

April 12, 2016 at 10:04am

Billy Budd

@GC1985: Did you not read my post? What I said is that we will always find beauty in other people, regardless of whom we love. This is an absolute truth. And I said that we should control our instincts if we want to remain committed. Finally, I don’t understand why you brought up pedophilia into this argument. You have a clear bias towards me and you do not understand or know me at all. You are an ugly person.

1EqualityUSA

Daggerman

…you know, I always thought straight men were horrible arseholes! When they’re 2 timing—but this takes the biscuit! Is it any surprise?–that they stoop to new levels…

April 12, 2016 at 11:04am

Aromaeus

I’ve heard so many crazy reasons for why cheating isn’t cheating. My favorite is a friends’ ex who said that since he didn’t do anything to the other guy, he just got a bj, that it couldn’t be considered cheating since he wasn’t an “active” participant.

April 12, 2016 at 12:04pm

Hussain-TheCanadian

The friend is disgusting; he valued a cheap lay over a person’s friendship and bond, never mind that he went after her friend’s partner + Her boyfriend may not be gay and just wanted a lay but he’s still a lying cheating SOB.

@1EqualityUSA: Don’t you think its natural to find other men attractive or desirable Equality? I don’t think its cheating or even being distant if the relationship is healthy but at the same time find other men attractive; I think in the end your partner will be the benefactor because you’re going to spend that energy on him.

I understand what you mean when you say emotional abandonment, but I don’t think what we’re talking about fits.

April 12, 2016 at 2:04pm

Paco

“He’s a great guy, I got him drunk so he’d agree and all he wanted was to come home to you, I’m sorry.”

—–

With friends like that, who needs enemies? I have found it to be typical behavior and the reason why my boyfriend and I keep gay men as far away from us as possible. They have zero respect for the relationships of others.

The boyfriend is a cheater and the “friend” is not a friend.

April 12, 2016 at 3:04pm

redcarpet30

This is a discussion he should have had BEFORE he cheated! Had she known he thought man sex “didn’t count” she could have opted out of the relationship. But no, he kept his mouth shut, wet his whistle, and then has the nerve to TELL HER it doesn’t count?

This is fuckboy 101. She needs to DTMFA and he needs to GTFO with his bullshit.

April 12, 2016 at 4:04pm

Invert

*shrug* I never enter into closed relationships anyway so it’s impossible to cheat on me. I couldn’t care less what someone I’m seeing does with anyone else. I care about what they’re like with me. I’m not into policing other guys’ attractions to other men or managing someone else’s sex life. I’m certainly not interested in heteronormative standards of fidelity, yuck.

And before anyone else suggests it, I’m not a slut. I’ve had one sexual partner for the last 20 years. So my opinion isn’t based on ‘sex running my life’. Sex is the least important thing in my life- less important than changing the kitty litter.

@GC1985: c’mon, he’s from a different country and culture where the age of consent is lower, that’s all. He never once defended pedophila (& I recall posting on the same thread where you were going off about it that the definition of pedophilia is restricted to sex with pre pubescents- the age of consent where Billy Budd lives is 14, simple as that). Move on.

The reality is they probably all wanted to sleep with each other. First world problems here. She should just get rid of him, get someone else and then everyone will sleep with everyone and live happily ever after. I am so sick of the gay community’s double standards in this area: it’s all oh monogamy and don’t sleep with your friends, then you get hit on by them on grindr asking to come over boyfriend is out and I need some spit and polish.

No! Cheating is wrong no matter if you’re gay or straight and no matter who it’s with. Period! This guy’s a closet-case,liar,and loser. She needs to dropkick his ass to the curb and move on. She should be glad she didn’t have kids with the mother fucker. Cheat on me and then lie to MY face about it? You better hope kicking your pus-cunt ass to the curb is all I do.

Christopher Jon I like that bit about she should did have had kids. In a way it’s good this came out now because if kids had of been involved OMG what a bigger mess of an already awful situation.

April 18, 2016 at 12:04pm

seasailor

Complete betrayal of trust from both the ‘boyfriend’ and ‘friend’. I’d drop them both like a lead balloon. Life is far too short to surround yourselves with people who neither respect you nor those who are untrustworthy. Shame after 16 years these truths come out.

April 12, 2016 at 8:04pm

Stefano

@Invert: lol you know that GC1985 is a drama queen ! I imagine him like Jean-Pierre Parda in the clip ‘crucified’ in his bathtub with a fan in his hand ! Mouhahahaha

P. S. : he is exactly like joeyty and other nutcases who are always at other people’s throat. They are no life who need a job…a job.