The Adventures Of Blah, Blah, Blah

The End Of Worrying About Where’s Your Stuff

OK, you know what I’m tired of? Keeping track of all my STUFF. I know you have to find a home for everything, but, c’mon. Where’s my keys? Where’s my wallet? Did I leave my debit card somewhere, it’s not in my wallet. Where’s my phone? Where’s my sunglasses? Where’s my watch? Where’s my stocking cap and gloves? Where’s my CHARGER?!? I had two damn chargers three weeks ago, now none. (Thanks kids and wife). I gotta go outlet to outlet looking for the damn things. Kitchen, then den, then living room, then bedrooms, then basement. It’s a constant struggle.

In Heaven, I imagine a place without worrying about where’s your stuff. Where’s my phone? No need. You can read everybody’s mind. Want to meet up with Marilyn Monroe for a coffee? Hang on a sec, I’m texting her right now with my mind. Where’s my keys? No need, baby. Climb into any DeLorean on the side of the road, start it up with a snap of your fingers. House keys? Again, no need. Walk into any house, crash out in whatever fancy bedroom you want. Who’s going to steal in Heaven? Imagine your dream home, and in two secs, there it is in front of you. With all of the accoutrements. How about clothes? You don’t need clothes in Heaven. You walk around naked. It’s always 82 there, and check out my six-pack. I just thought about it, and I look like an Adonis. No gyms in Heaven, perfect health and awesome muscles with no effort.

Ok, maybe there are cell phones in Heaven. I don’t know why. But if there is, and you want to go old school, the phone doesn’t need charging, or a charger. It’s always at 100%, baby!!!

And of course, you don’t need a wallet in Heaven, or a bank card you might leave at some restaurant, or gas station. Everything is free in Heaven! You want something, you think about it, it’s in the palm of your hand.