Obama Signs Executive Order Requiring President of United States to Be Taxpayer

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling his action “long overdue,” President Barack Obama on Friday signed an executive order requiring that the President of the United States be a federal taxpayer.

The order, which makes a non-taxpayer ineligible to serve as President, goes into effect immediately.

“Since the President has such a large say in how federal taxes are spent, it only makes sense that he or she contribute to those taxes, too,” he said, noting that everyone who has served as President has been a taxpayer.

The President urged people “not to read too much into the timing” of his executive order. “It just seemed like the right thing to do,” he said.

Obama’s action drew howls of protest from Republicans on Capitol Hill, including the House Speaker, Paul Ryan. “This is nothing less than an attack on the American dream of paying no taxes,” Ryan said.

The President, who brushed off that criticism, is reportedly readying another executive order requiring cabinet members to have held at least a summer job relevant to their posts.

Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.