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Welcome to How to Be Dutch, the Quiz: the questions that SHOULD be on the Dutch citizenship exam, according to an American Netherlander, who’s been in the country for 20 years.

If you’re looking for an official guide to the Netherlands, this is not it. BUT if you’re looking for some odd Dutch quirks – in snarky quiz form – then this book is for you.

The official Dutch assimilation course can be described as ‘a room full of non-Dutch people learning things about Dutch people that are unknown to most Dutch people.’

If you want to take the official Dutch exam, you can do it online. You can also see the results of many famous Dutch people who’ve taken the exam – and failed. So welcome to this self-made quiz. It can’t be any weirder than the real one.