After 6 years of marriage, my husband's Muscular Dystrophy diagnosis and subsequent physical decline, my gastric bypass surgery, depression, and apparent infertility, this is where I find my new normal.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Secret of my Unsuccess

Just got a call from Bob. Gas has jumped from the $2.92 it was this morning to $3.19! And guess who need gas!!! Crap, crap, crappity,crap.

In other news I am part of the Big Bank CoPower ball pool. Man, we almost need to win the lottery in order to fill our gas tanks these days. The drawing is on Sunday. If we win, I am NOT coming in Monday. AND I will be going post haste to our independent builder and getting our barrier free home and lot set and built. That’s my plan and I’m sticking to it.

Just in case we DON’T win the lottery, I have an informational interview with the manager of the communications department in my building. She told me that she doesn’t have the funds to build her team this fiscal year, but that she IS definitely going to be adding to her team next year and would like to meet with me. I told her I am graduating next year with a Communications degree and would like to know what kinds of things she will be looking for so I can plan, learn, grow, and build accordingly. I also have an actual interview on Monday with another department at Big Bank Co. I like to keep my options open.

Counseling has been going well this week. I am learning still more about me and how I see/view myself. For instance, I rarely think I will succeed in things I set out to accomplish unless I have already tried and succeeded. Hence mysolid stance on trying anything new and/or different. I am not afraid of success, I just can’t conceive of it. If I try something and mess it up or do it wrong, I almost immediately want to quit or run away as the thought,“What’s the point of even continuing to try. I wreck everything. I can’t do anything right.” No wonder I am unhappy and depressed, huh? No wonder I’ve never really had goals and plans beyond marriage and children. Today I learned that I need to be more communicative with Bob about things. Imagine this…he cannot read my mind! I knew this and yet I have kept many things bottled up inside me because of fear. Why do I fear my husband? He’s never been anything but supportive and loving towards me. It must be part of mybrokenness. Anyway, the thing I most want to talk to him about is starting a plan on the path to adoption. We have always said we want to but we have never put any kind of a plan in motion. I think it’s time to talk about the plan.

It has finally cooled off here. Not that 88 is cool by any stretch of the imagination. However, 88 degrees is not 101. It’s also nice because the dew point and humidity levels are most lower which really ups the comfort level around here. Speaking of the new cooler temps, Bob turned off the air and opened the windows up night before last while I was sleeping but before he went to bed. Around5:30 I heard the kittens playing in the vertical blinds. I got up to fix them so they wouldn’t rattle and saw that the sliding glass door was open…and so was the screen door! They were romping out on the patio all by themselves. Our bedroom balcony is about 20 feet off the ground or more. The kittens are not so good with depth perception at this age so I was alittlefreaked out. I managed to get them inside all safe and sound though. When I mentioned it to Bob last night he said he never goes out there and that I was the last one to come from the balcony. I asked him if he was blaming this on me and he kind of sheepishly hung his head and said in a small little voice,“no”. “Good,” I said and mentioned that when he opens the sliding glass door in the dark, all he has to do to check to see if the screen is closed is to try and stick his hand through the doorway. If it goes all the way through, the screen is opened and needs to be shut. Heagreed.

I took pictures at a co-worker’s wedding shower yesterday and was just reminded once again how muchI love to do that. Maybe I should look into starting my own“event” photography business. I would need a better camera(an SLR)and maybe some initial money for advertising. How fun would it be to offer my services for family and class reunions, birthday parties,baptisms,field trips, anniversary parties,work team building exercises, trade shows, etc. The premise behind the idea is that people all have their own cameras now but who has time to actually take photos at these events…especially if you are the host/ess. I would be there to catch all the money shots and magical moments freeing these people up to do what they need to do to ensure a successful event. Also, they would actually appear in the photos instead of always being the person behind the camera. Also, it would eliminate one person having to take the same photo 20 times because everyone hand them their camera.AllI would have to do is take the photos and then set up a Flickr or Snapfish account for the person paying for my services. Once the bill has been paid,Iwould email them the link to the photos and they just order the prints and share the link from there so others can order their favorite prints too. Easy peasey right? See above regarding my incomprehensible fear of all things new andinconceivability of the success of anything I try. Still…the idea has been planted. I don’t know how I would promote my business, what I would name it (although I have ideas), and how much to charge…by the hour? By the photo? Flat fee based on packages and if so what and how? I need a business partner to take care of all those details while I run around and have fun taking pictures and uploading them online. Also, would it be possible to contact Snapfish, Flickr, or Shutterfly and set up a deal where I get a tiny percentage of the money they make from the prints ordered. After all, I will be throwing new business their way with every event. I wonder how I would check into that? I wonder what I would do when they say no?

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday. This week has been the longest of my life. Thankfully the month of August is pretty low key and unbusy for us. September, however is the very definition of crazy busy.

2 comments:

Natalie
said...

I am so glad that someone else has the same thoughts on success and confidence as I do ---- I never picture myself being successful but can easily picture myself failing. I don't know why I do that but I do.

Success can be determined in so many ways! The way "the world" expresses it, the way God expresses it and the way we determine it. Does success mean a family, a career, a huge paycheck, lots of really nice possessions~and the list goes on!?!Your business idea sounds like it could be something to work towards. Networking comes to mind! Talking with other people who are in business for themselves. People who do something similar. Picking other's brains can really give a wealth of knowlege. Maybe the library too has info and of course the internet. Best wishes in your quest!Heard that gas has gone up all over! I think it's the sheiks in the middle east and not what the news casters are giving for the reason. (Sigh)

About Me

Welcome. My name is Amy. I am married to a hunky guy named Bob. We live in Minneapolis with our 3(you read that right) cats and 1 crazy dog. This is my space to rant, write, whine, and work things out in my brain. Your comments are welcome as long as you are not a troll and don't leave assvice. Read on!