Humans and their assholes are sort of like dogs and their balls. The only difference being: It would feel awesome to lick your own balls, dumping concrete mix into your cornhole, not so much.

Artillery Shell – An old WW2 veteran used to come into a hospital clinic in the east end of London suffering from bad hemorrhoids (piles). The clinic did what they could, but they could never relieve the most painful pile, which would hang down and get stuck on the seam of the man’s underpants. To rid himself of the nuisance of this pile, the old man used to push it back up into his rectum using the artillery shell from an anti-aircraft gun he used to man in the war. One day the shell got stuck and the man was forced to hobble down to the hospital to get it removed. As the doctor was about to insert his fingers into the old man’s rectum to remove the shell he said ‘Of course, this shell is spent, isn’t it?’ ‘Oh no,’ said the old man ‘There’s enough ammo in that shell to blast a Messerschmidt (sp?) out of the sky.’ So the doctor called in the army bomb squad, who built a lead box around the old man’s asshole and defused the shell, before removing it. via – well.com

Matchbox Car – in 2006 Jackass co-star Ryan Dunn placed a matchbox car into his anus. Using a condom and lube, Dunn eased the car into his anal cavity before going in for an X-ray.

Concrete Mix – A 20-year-old man presented to the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. Upon further questioning, the patient said that approximately 4 hrs earlier he and his boyfriend had been “fooling around.” After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet against the wall at a 45-degree angle while his boyfriend poured the mixture through a funnel into his rectum. After the concrete mass hardened, it became so painful that he sought medical care. The patient was kept overnight and discharged uneventfully the following morning. The attending physician recommended a psychiatric consultation, but the patient declined.

Toothbrush – A 69-year-old man who was fed up the itching, the burning and shitty smelling drawers tried to relieve himself of his hemorrhoids by rubbing them off with a hard bristled toothbrush. He wasn’t just going to rub it from the outside, he was taking it to the source. Eventually he was forced into the embarrassing position of having to ask to have the toothbrush surgically removed from up inside his ass after he lost it. via – BBC

Hand Gun – Tirisa Ruiz, 43, attempted to smuggle a gun into Picota prison in Bogota, Colombia, thought she could get it past security if she shoved it deep into her rectum. She had shoved it so far up her ass that she had to undergo emergency surgery to remove it from her colon. via – 8bm

Potato – The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table. He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game. The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people’s backsides or genitals.via – Nerve

Light Bulb – Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus. Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad’s misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object. “Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else,” Mohammad, a grey-beared man in his mid-40s, told Reuters from a hospital bed in the southern central city of Multan. via – AOL