195: Michael Taylor: A New Conversation With Men

Coach Michael Taylor is an entrepreneur, motivational speaker, author, and a radio show host who has dedicated his life to helping men reach their full potential.

Despite being born in the inner city and dropping out of highschool, Michael became a mid level manager at a multi-million dollar company at only 22. However, his success did not last, and everything he built fell apart resulting in divorce, bankruptcy and foreclosure.

Michael went on a 15 year personal development journey to rebuild who he was, and that journey has resulted in his company A New Conversations About Men

Favorite Success Quote

“I will do today what others won’t so I can do tomorrow what others can’t.”

Key Points

1. It’s Not the External Stuff that Will Make You Happy

Many men, sadly, spend their whole lives in pursuit of material possessions in a search for happiness. They believe that the fancier watch, faster car, or bigger house will make them feel more fulfilled and happy, but after the initial high of the purchase wears off, they are left just as empty and alone as before.

Real men understand that true happiness comes from within, it comes from intimately connecting with others and having deep and meaningful relationships, it comes from doing work that you are passionate about, it comes from being generous towards others, but most of all, happiness simply comes by being at peace with who you are and knowing that you are enough no matter what the external circumstances.

If you want to be truly happy in your life, you must realize that stuff will not make you happy. It may give you a dopamine rush for a couple of days, but it will wear off. Your focus must be on becoming the grounded man, and internalizing the fact that you are enough. Then and only then will you be truly happy with life.

2. The 5 Illusions of Manhood

While many men believe that they know what it means to be a man, the majority of what is purported to be “masculine” in society is anything but. The following are the 5 most common illusions about manhood and what it means to be a real man

Illusion 1: You Must Be Disconnected

Society would have you believe that to be a true man, you must be a robot. You cannot express emotions, it’s not ok to cry, showing that you have feelings is a sign of weakness and should be avoided at any cost.

This is garbage. A man who is truly comfortable in his own skin, a man who is truly an emotionally mature man, realizes that showing his feelings is actually a sign of strength, because when you show your feelings you become vulnerable and you open yourself to the world saying “This is who I am and I won’t change it to conform to your standards”

That is true masculinity.

Illusion 2: Men Must Use Sexual Conquests to Validate their Masculinity

As men, we are told that if we want to be truly masculine, we have to bed dozens of women with complete ease, carelessness, and a borderline apathetic attitude. The truth is far different.

All religious dogma aside, a real man realizes that sex is meant for connection and is in no way indicative of his worth as a man. Sex is wonderful, and when used to increase the intimacy of a relationship, becomes an incredible experience. However, if a man uses sex as a way to validate himself to the world, he is on a one way track to broken relationships and misery.

Illusion 3: To Be a Man You Must Have Money and Material Wealth

While there is nothing wrong with material wealth, making money your sole focus in life, is the mark of an immature man, not a masculine man.

Ambition is wonderful, wanting to get to the next level is wonderful, building a lifestyle of comfort and luxury is wonderful, using materialism as a drug to sedate yourself from the struggles you are facing is not.

Being a man does not have anything to do with making a lot of money. While it’s true that it takes a certain breed of man to make millions, it takes an even higher breed of man to make millions while living his purpose, having deep connected relationships, and being totally in love with who he is and where he is going.

Illusion 4: To be a Man You Have to Acquire Title and Fame

Title and fame are irrelevant to masculinity. The simple fact is that there are more men who live and work behind the scenes who show true masculinity then there are truly “manly” movie and music stars.

Being a man is about who you are, not who knows about you.

Illusion 5: To be a Man You Have to Compete with Other Men

Competition is a great motivator and can be a force multiplier in may men’s lives. But it is not the mark of a man. True men look for ways that they can collaborate and work together, not compete.

3. You Are Not Alone

While many men may feel that they are alone on whatever path the are walking, the truth is, there are hundreds of men out there going through the same things you are facing. Don’t be afraid to seek help form other men, remember “Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens another man.”

Stay sharp, swallow your pride and build a community where you can work through the struggles and triumphs you will face together.