BWOL is a board group for professional practitioners. This section is the ONLY PLACE allocated for clients to post and ask questions about massage and related items. -- INAPPROPRIATE POSTS WILL BE DELETED & TROLLS WILL BE BANNED FROM THE FORUM.

If you want to "feel your body more in general", receiving any kind of massage or bodywork can help... receiving regularly will have a cumulative effect. Also other embodied practices that build awareness such as yoga, tai chi, qi gong.

healingfaerie wrote:this is completely inappropriate for a massage THERAPY forum.

I notice feeling some irritation but mostly sadness and fatigue in myself when I read this response. The irritation comes from thinking that you're not owning your opinion, which doesn't meet my need for responsibility and mutuality. I would have preferred it if you had written your comment at least in the form of an "I statement'. The fatigue comes from thinking that the boundary between therapeutic massage and sexual topics is more nuanced than black and white separation, and wishing that more massage therapists were holding more nuanced views in this area. I'm weary of anything that strikes me as fundamentalism. Not picking you on specifically with that, as it's rampant in our profession and general culture.

EgoMagickian, you put forth a well thought out response and I certainly appreciate that you are open-minded enough to share it here. Thank you for being able to word things so well.

I have to admit, when it comes to questions about "sex" on this forum, I generally find that it is not appropriate. That said, when I originally read this request, I chose not to respond because I did not want to encourge the "troll-like" posting that usually follows something like this.

However, since the original poster did not follow-up, I am inclined to think this was not a trolling request and most likely was a honest request to find out if massage work could open any channels to help this individual.

Although I am not versed in working with people who are interested in using bodywork in this manner, I certainly think we may have a few people on the forums who are knowledgeable and the links you provided probably helped this individual.

I have to think that since we are humans, there is a certain sexuality and sexual maturity that comes with... being. And, that sometimes bodywork that can help someone who is having an issue. I don't choose to work in that realm, but, who's to say our work hasn't helped people, and they just never shared the details.

Just last week we had a client come in who was excited to mention that he had not fought with his wife for 3 weeks (since coming in to our practice, weekly). Prior to the sessions he never mentioned a problem. So, I certainly see that bodywork can cross into realms we may not be planning to help. I just may not always be open to discussing them on open forum.

I've been told that I'm an attractive guy yet I'm not noticed a lot by women.

I want to feel my body more in general and I've been told that tight muscles will restrict this. So I can't feel my body and also been told there are certain things I can do to open up my sexual energy.

My PT did some release work on me and the muscle band that goes along the side of the leg from the hip to the knee apparently felt like a steel cable.

Could you please recommend something for me to do. I bought a tennis ball and have been working on my shoulders, biceps, legs and the spot where my groin connects to my leg (by putting the ball between my legs and crossing them over).

Your advice is greatly appreciated

Thanks!

Muscle tension has nothing to do with whether women notice you or not. Confidence, on the other hand, makes a world of difference.

Regular exercise, stretching, and massage/bodywork can do wonders for your physical health and will help you feel more integrated with your body. If it enhances your physique, that can only help.The tennis ball is a simple, cheap trick you can do at home to get some relief, but professional massage is the best way to go.

As you work on improving your mastery of your body and some physical skills (weightlifting, sport-related skills, dancing, whatever), you will also gain confidence. THAT will get you noticed. And when the opportunity arises, your "sexual energy" will be ready and waiting.

I, too, choose not to work in that realm myself... and have found over the years that as my grounding in that has increased (as I've grown in owning it as an actual choice, and gotten clearer and clearer on the reasons I choose it for myself rather than it being from simply following the dictates of an external authority such as a professional association or licensing laws), I actually react less to others who choose differently. Their choices stopped feeling like a threat to my own. I think we can hold our choices and standards, both personally and professionally, without having to evict the existence of sexuality from the conversation.

EgoMagickian: I really appreciate your attitude. I'm a consumer of MT services, but even I've learned over the course of a few years that the lines are more nuanced than most MTs seem able to admit.

As I didn't say directly at the beginning of another thread last year, seeing a new MT that lightly stroked the top of my sternum for the first time caused me to have an increased libido for a few days and also what I'd call an endorphin rush for a few days also. I've felt the latter in my running days sometimes but the two is a weird combo. After a few times (as with running) I didn't get the feeling anymore, so whatever might do that isn't a long-term strategy for anything, but no one can tell me that getting the feeling isn't an indication that I needed something I wasn't aware of. As with running, I didn't know until the next day that something had happened. I tend to think it was merely a caring touch near my heart that did that; others speak of chakras (spelling?) and such. Whatever. But it does sadden me to see that many MTs can only grasp the muscle manipulation aspects of it, and can't accept what really goes on in the experience of some of their own clients.

Since then I've discovered some MTs are more liberal about interpreting rules on upper body massage and no massage seems complete without that to me now. I like to go to the same MT as much as possible and I go to one now that isn't uncomfortable working extra on a given area for no other reason than because I like it more. I don't see the slippery slope to sexual activity, but I respect those that limit themselves to specific protocols of "muscle work" for fear that once the client starts asking for what they like just because they like it that it's going to lead to you know what. I suppose that is possible, but on the other hand is it really so bad that clients come because they like the feeling it gives them? Seems to me MTs should be happy they do, and are, but only if expressed in the right coded way so they can feel comfortable about it and their perceived status in light of it. You seem to be able to interpret across the code boundaries, while many others are not and immediately judge others because of it. I really appreciate that.

jbo5 wrote: I suppose that is possible, but on the other hand is it really so bad that clients come because they like the feeling it gives them? Seems to me MTs should be happy they do, and are, but only if expressed in the right coded way so they can feel comfortable about it and their perceived status in light of it.

I'd like to be clearer on what you're talking about. Can you give me an example of an expression that's "coded in the right way" along with an uncoded translation?

The "right coded way"???? We are massage therapists, not spies. If you have a specific request, just tell us in plain language. In return, we will give you a plain language response. Legitimate massage therapists do not need "codes" of any kind, unless we are filling out insurance reimbursement and need the numerical codes for that.

There is never a need to somehow figure out the "right coded way" to phrase a request for work on your chest/abdomen. State your request in clear language so your meaning and intent are very clear. The more you fumble about with "code" words/phrases, the more suspicious we are likely to be... and the more likely we are to deny your request(s).

healingfaerie wrote:this is completely inappropriate for a massage THERAPY forum.

I notice feeling some irritation but mostly sadness and fatigue in myself when I read this response. The irritation comes from thinking that you're not owning your opinion, which doesn't meet my need for responsibility and mutuality. I would have preferred it if you had written your comment at least in the form of an "I statement'. The fatigue comes from thinking that the boundary between therapeutic massage and sexual topics is more nuanced than black and white separation, and wishing that more massage therapists were holding more nuanced views in this area. I'm weary of anything that strikes me as fundamentalism. Not picking you on specifically with that, as it's rampant in our profession and general culture.

How was all that to hear?

This is well said. I tried to say something similar and got hectored by the fundamentalists and then censored by the moderators.

crazytalk wrote:This is well said. I tried to say something similar and got hectored by the fundamentalists and then censored by the moderators.

Thank you.

If you're referring to the thread I think you're referring to, I think you got the response you got because your posts seemed to dismiss the importance of boundaries, seemed to be advocating that MTs give up their boundaries, and seemed to disrespect MTs who refuse to do so. I actually was going to post a response calling you out, but I thought it was better to let that thread die than keep it going.

A big difference between what I said in this thread and what went on in that thread is... in this thread we are talking about discussions... in the other folks were talking about client interactions. Worlds apart.

healingfaerie wrote:this is completely inappropriate for a massage THERAPY forum.

I notice feeling some irritation but mostly sadness and fatigue in myself when I read this response. The irritation comes from thinking that you're not owning your opinion, which doesn't meet my need for responsibility and mutuality. I would have preferred it if you had written your comment at least in the form of an "I statement'. The fatigue comes from thinking that the boundary between therapeutic massage and sexual topics is more nuanced than black and white separation, and wishing that more massage therapists were holding more nuanced views in this area. I'm weary of anything that strikes me as fundamentalism. Not picking you on specifically with that, as it's rampant in our profession and general culture.

How was all that to hear?

Thanks for your informed and balanced comment there. As a client, I've been lurking here for quite a while. To me, bodyworkonline is probably the most strict of the massage forums as far as the non-existence of a sexual aspect to massage therapy. IMHO That's not necessarily a bad thing - There are other forums for a more holistic, non-USA approach to the topic.

To the OP: Get a good 90+ minute massage weekly, by an LMT or at a school if your budget is like mine. Stay away from AMP's - they are pits and there's no joy to be had there. Also head over to askmen.com and read all the Doc Love archives. You will learn how to interact in a healthy way with women while protecting your dignity and self-respect. Be a good man and not an a**hole. Best of luck to you.