The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 3 August 2012

Clegg Feels A Sharp Pain Between The Shoulder Blades.

After several months of concern over his health Nick Clegg has finally discovered the source of the pain between his shoulder blades. The discovery of a thin Tory blade protruding from his back should have come as no surprise, however, since Nick Clegg has been sinking a very similar blade into the collective back of the entire British electorate for the last two years. What prompted this sudden realisation was David Cameron's "reluctant" retreat over House of Lords reform today - something he's been "forced" into by a few Tory backbenchers who have threatened to throw their toys out of the pram. Nick Clegg has now managed to gain exactly nothing out his association with the most vicious Tory administration in living memory. Nothing except, that is, a total loss of support amongst the electorate who have watched as the LibDems have betrayed every principle they are supposed to stand for. Reform of the House of Lords was the policy that Nick Clegg sold the NHS down the river for and it was his last chance to get something for the LibDems that they could pretend to be proud of. Nick Clegg can no longer fail to see what everyone else in the country already knows - that David Cameron and his Tory pals would sell their own grandmother for an extra quid. Nor can he avoid the conclusion that has been evident to the rest of us for some time - that he is the most outwitted bungler in British politics. Still we can at least now sit back and watch the cat and dog fight between the Tories and the LibDems over the proposed boundary changes that Cameron hopes might save his party at the next election. Perhaps G4S could provide the referees.