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Knowing When You Can Trust Someone With Your Heart

Falling in love and opening yourself up to someone you care about can be a scary and beautiful thing. It’s about allowing yourself to let this other person into your heart (and life, obviously).

But when should you take that not-so-little step of saying those three magical words – I. Love. You.

Of course, I’m no expert on love as I’ve never been in an actual relationship or gotten to the point with a guy where I could truly open up my heart to him. In fact, the few times in the past when I’ve started to open up a little bit has gotten my heart crushed because they weren’t in the same place as me. Or they were just looking for a casual sex buddy, not a boyfriend or a relationship.

And in case anyone is wondering, no I’m not in love or think I’m falling in love. If only. 😉

Mostly I think we’ve all forgotten how to fall in love, and what to look for before we allow ourselves to open up to someone else.

But as with anything in life, it’s all relative depending on who you are and who you are with. If there were actual rules and steps for falling in love, I think there’d be a lot more happy couples out there.

Getting to know each other

All too often these days, people aren’t taking the time to actually get to know each other before moving on to the relationship part. They’re jumping past the dating and courting stages to go right to living together or sometimes even getting married.

If you don’t take the time to truly get to know each other, then how can you truly know if this is someone you can/want to spend the rest of your life with? Make sure you know who you’re getting into bed with. Pun intended of course. 😉

Building trust

Trust is an extremely important thing in any relationship, be it a friendship, a casual lover, or a lifelong partner. And trust is not something that can be given or found immediately, or easily rebuilt once it’s been lost. And the last thing you want is a relationship built on a pack of lies.

Once you’re able to totally trust this person with yourself and your secrets (if any), then you can allow yourself to open up your heart to loving them and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You need to be sure you can rely on them and count on them to catch you when you fall.

They’re there for you

Too often we have to chase after people to be part of our lives, especially with how busy everyone seems to be with their own lives these days. An important thing to be aware of before you open up your heart to someone is whether they’re there for you without you having to really go looking for them, that they actually enjoy being with you.

Of course the reverse is true as well – if they’re always available and want to spend every waking moment with you, then that can become stifling. There needs to be a good balance between being there for each other and being there for yourself.

They make you feel safe

When someone says to you ‘I’m not going anywhere’, it helps you feel safe with them and chip away at the barriers you’ve erected around your heart. And when you believe they actually mean it, it’s definitely a step down the road towards creating a life together and opening yourself up to them.

Respect is important

The last thing you want in a partner is someone who doesn’t respect you as a person or who treats you like you’re their ‘property’. Respect is a fickle thing, and can sometimes take years to build. And even longer to rebuild once it’s lost. If they treat you poorly, then they’re not the person you should be with.

They keep their promises

Finding someone who’s going to be there for you, through the thick and thin, isn’t always an easy thing. But like true friendships, a partner who is there for you, who doesn’t leave you stranded, and doesn’t give up on you is someone you should love.

Unfortunately there are too many out there who will talk a good game and make all sorts of promises, but are ultimately nowhere to be found when you truly need them. You want someone in your life you can rely on, who isn’t just all talk and no action.

They’re willing to sacrifice

Obviously you don’t want a totally selfless partner who’s constantly putting your needs in front of their own, but at the same time you do want someone who’s willing to go out of their comfort zones to do things or go places because you want to from time to time. And the reverse is true as well, as you can’t be totally rigid in your own comfort zones.

Are you ready for this?

Most importantly, after looking at all the possible reasons why you should open yourself up to your partner, you need to ask yourself if you’re actually ready to allow this person into your heart. To completely open yourself to this other person.

We all tend to overlook and overthink this part, or worry about those we’re falling for to think of our own readiness. Regardless if your partner is already to take the relationship to the next level.

I get all excited or Giddy like the Gay wizard in Harry Potter when I see you have posted a brand new posting.

Now after reading this, I did many thinks completed differently and some the same. When I was “opened to dating” after Peter, I was looking for a very specific person. Older, professional, well read, well travelled, my height( I am short legged) and someone who stepped off a photo shoot. William is younger, tall, an IT genius, from a very small town and not much like my dream man. We moved in together after 6 months, never really dated just went into a very serious relationship without actually knowing each other. And now 10 plus years, here we are. Living in the suburbs, with the Volvo SUV generation of 2.3 children etc. William has in this time graduated, got a master degree, Has been sober for 5 plus years. I have learnt to accept others, my way is not always the only way, learnt to respect others and what love is. And above all realized that my plan seldom works out the way I planned it. At 24 I realized now, I actually knew shit about life.

My point or the way I see it is, life happens when you least expect it. It’s not always they way we invision it, dream it or plan it. When you do trust someone, I hope it’s reciprocated the same way. Relationships are a challenge, I am no expert, but for me the way I see it, my life has gone from beige to multicolored. Ivan