How do I make ice cream without an ice cream maker?

Do you ever have a craving for ice cream on demand but the campus convenience stores don’t have the flavor you want/soft serve isn’t cutting it/you don’t have time to get off campus/you have half a jar of peanut butter and no money to get more food/you’re on a diet? Does THIS look appealing to you?

Of course it does. It’s a giant, delicious scoop of chocolate ice cream and it’s not like you’re Satan or Anna Wintour. Before you think “What a b****, making me crave ice cream and then dangling this in front of my face”, ask yourself this:

Do you have $5?
Do you have 10 minutes?
Do you have a blender or food processor?
Do you have access to a dining hall/convenience store/some food-providing facility?

If you answered YES to these questions, then this too can be yours! How, you ask?

I don’t have fancy kitchen gadgets. As much as I’d like to channel my Barefoot Contessa and pick some lavender and strawberries that I’ve grown in leftover grounds of coffee I personally harvested from the Amazon basin, toss them in with some milk courtesy of my albino cow named Neigeux, add a swirl of honey collected from my colony of Cornish black bees and use my $12,000 ice cream maker to concoct something truly cookbook worthy, I am a college student on a budget. Good news for you- even given my limited nonexistent kitchen space, small budget, and lack of equipment, I was able to make this and it is delicious.

No, it’s not the same as chocolate ice cream. I’m sorry, but there is no substitute for the real deal and anyone who says otherwise is lying to you. That being said, this is delicious, healthy(ish), quick, and cheap. You can also pass this off as a valid dinner choice so get down with your bad selves and try out this recipe for banana blender ice cream! Seriously, this sh** is bananas.

Directions:
Place 1-2 frozen bananas in your blender or food processor and pulse until they are coarsely ground and mealy.* Add additional frozen bananas 1 at a time; once they’ve all been added, blend/process until the mixture is thick but smooth, about the consistency of soft serve. Add in any frozen fruits and nut butters you’re using and blend until evenly distributed.

Cut up chocolate bars, pretzels, etc. and add those, pulsing just a few times and then stirring the mixture to distribute. Pour into a tupperware container (like an empty Talenti container), bowl with plastic wrap, or whatever you have on hand that you can store things in and place in the freezer.

Stir every 20 minutes or so until thick, more the consistency of frozen custard. Enjoy!

xoxo,
Kate “I’ve taken 17 bananas from my dining hall in the last 7 days”

*If you’re making the tropical flavor, add about 1/4 cup coconut milk at the start.

**Full disclaimer: I didn’t personally come up with this idea but the recipe is my own- I generally just blend to taste and don’t use exact measurements. And yeah, I know I’ve made this about as unhealthy as it can be. DEAL WITH IT.