My Life, My Words, My reality!

January 31, 2012June 6, 2012

Do You Have Boundaries???

In your heart of hearts do you actually WANT a mutual, committed relationship or do you prefer drama, validation, sexual chemistry, the status of being seen with an “alpha male”, and the thrill of winning someone over?- Grace

Boundaries…do I have them? That was a question I was asking myself. What are boundaries and how do we implement them in our daily lives and encounters with people we date?

A boundary is a DIVIDING LINE between you and anyone else, even a loved one. The line represents both physical and emotional limits others may not VIOLATE. A boundary, when crossed by others, will create intense feelings of anger, hurt, outrage, etc. To set your boundaries is to stop anyone, even your most loved one, from crossing the line with you.

Many of us date without boundaries; we date the person and take them for who they are (as we should) but certain behaviors and situations may arise that may not sit well….then what?? For me, I hear Beyonce yelling loud and clear, “RING THE ALARM, I’VE BEEN DOING THIS TOO LONG BUT I BE DAMN IF I SEE ANOTHER CHICK ON YOUR ARM”!

When you don’t know your limits, you will deal with anything.

Setting boundaries is a safety net to your self esteem and your relationships. When you realize that there are certain behaviors that you will not tolerate, it makes it a lot easier to discuss or better, removing yourself from a situation that may not benefit you in the long term.

Dating has taught me that there are things that I won’t put up with. Cheating, nope. Lying, nope. Lack of respect, nope. He can be tall, handsome, intelligent with chiseled abs but if he crosses my boundaries or slightly tip toes around them he’s getting the boot. BAM

It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves – to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to learn to be Loving to ourselves without owning our self – and owning our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives. – Anonymous

Have you ever dated someone who wasn’t treating you right and yet you still stayed? You made excuses for their behavior, for their actions, for their words? If so, yeah you had no boundaries and they knew that. No self respecting person would allow someone to continually disrespect them and their emotions.

It may be difficult to know what your limits are, especially when you think you are in “love” but it is better to be in love with yourself than with someone who doesn’t regard your emotions/feelings.

Do you have boundaries? How do you deal with someone who has crossed them? Do you still stay why or why not?