From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Y.E.S 49

“A man who does not try to make you feel and look beautiful is not worth your time. It’s not about money, it’s the small things that makes you feel that in his eyes you are the most amazing person he has ever seen and that ladies, goes a long way!” Mike Maphoto

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Isn’t it always amazing how someone else’s man looks so amazing from a distance? Think about it, when you see them walking together hand in hand you tell yourself you wish you had a man just like him. You compare him to the so called loser that you have at home and automatically you feel like you made a bad decision. In your head you ask yourself why your man does not want to be romantic and instead behaves as though he was from a long gone era. It’s the small things that you see other men doing from a distance that just seem to rub it in, in your face when you someone from a distance. What you fail to understand is that most things look better from that distance. They do. Here was Mbuso, he was fine, responsible, sexy and caring from a distance but the closer I got I realized that he was boring and paranoid about stupid things. Imagine being scared what the neighbours would think in this day and age! Come on now. When I had seen him with Esihle the jealous levels had risen. I wanted him to hold me the way he was holding her even though she was probably forcing it. The attention he had given her I wanted him to give it to me too.

“Thank you so much I had splendid time!”

He said when we got back to the estate. He was so calm and genuine in how he said that it was like he did not see anything wrong in his statement not that it was wrong. I was just feeling offended by his lack of action. Two women had obviously fought for him, no secret there, so act like it.

“I am glad you had a good time too. It was a very eventful afternoon indeed at least tomorrow we sleep in!”

I said with a smile on my face. I did not want him to leave the car.

“I don’t get that luxury. I am going to church. It’s better than sitting in then will go pick up Ntheteng. The house feels so empty without her!”

He said. I was still a bit sensitive about talking about Ntheteng considering what I said earlier on. It had not come out well.

“That’s nice. I can imagine. Do you go to church every Sunday?”

I asked him.

“Yes I do, you don’t?”

He asked me. I had fallen into that one and it was all by my own making, this church topic, sigh!

“I won’t lie, I don’t always get a chance to but I would love to go more often, I think we all do!”

I explained.

“So what’s stopping you? You have a car; there are more churches than schools meaning you are not stuck!”

This guy and his questions,

“Nothing is stopping me I guess but will work on it. Maybe you will invite me to yours and then we can car pull.”

I said obviously cracking a joke. I did not know what else to say.

“You, me and Ntheteng?

He asked me. I think when he told me about the rape he had moved on from it in his head but I had not. It’s not my business I know but it was such a hectic story. Imagine raising the child of a man who raped your wife and then your wife dies giving birth to that child? Wow, I would never be normal again. I would die inside a million times over and hate everything about this world. Here was a man who had overcome that and genuinely loved the child. I can’t even applaud for him because that’s how weird this whole situation was the more I thought about it. It was awkward so I quickly moved on,

“Yes the three of us. We can’t leave her behind obviously dude!”

I said laughing. He looked around as though uncomfortable so I asked.

“Are you not worried about what the neighbours will think if we walk out of the same car right now?”

I asked him. I was obviously being sarcastic and sour but it totally flew over his head.

“It’s dark now so no one will see us.”

He said. We got out of the car together and when we got to my door he said,

“See you tomorrow then!”

He said getting out of the car and just walked away. I did not know what to do. Had I said something wrong? When I got to my house even my key would not go in the keyhole the way I was shaking mad at this man! What was wrong with him? I entered my flat and suddenly it felt so big and silent.

“See you tomorrow then?”

I mimicked him as I walked in switching on all the lights, sorry Eskom! I can’t sit in the dark, it’s scary.

“Did he just dismiss me like that?”

I asked myself out loud. I tried to calm myself down but that rush of blood would not calm me down. Nope, I was not going to be toyed with like this. Some men need a woman who will get them out of their comfort zones. I took my keys, locked my place and I marched to his place. When I got there I did not even hesitate to knock! I could him screaming he really was watching soccer!

“Hi! Is something wrong?”

He asked me surprised to see me standing there! I pushed him aside and marched right in and said,

“You are not going to tell me about the fucken neighbours after making me send everyone home so that I can spend time with you!”

I told sternly but I did not raise my voice because then his neighbour fear would become reality.

“But Lungi…”

He started to protest!

“Don’t But Lungi me! I am here now. Close the door, we are watching soccer together like adults and then when it’s done I am going to walk to my place and sleep. Neighbours my ass! Do you even know their names or where they come from? Don’t get me started!”

I told him. He was stunned and he froze standing where he was. As women we talk about how independent and strong we are but why is it when it comes to our own hearts we don’t have the guts to go for whom we want? It is the stupidest thing ever. The one thing that should matter most as it determines our happiness is the one thing we hide behind every culture and tradition for!

“Close the door Mbuso, its cold!”

I told him again. This time he moved and on the way back he found me sitting on the couch already.

“You are crazy you know that!”

He said laughing. This was the first time I had actually seen him laugh in a genuine manner. Maybe I had finally broken that ice that stopped him from opening up.

“Let me get us a blankie as it’s a bit cold.”

He said. I did not stop him. He went into what I think was his room and he came back with a throw.

“Thank you.”

I told him. He sat on the same couch as me but because his match was so exciting he kept on jumping up and down. Watching a man watch soccer is so fascinatingly frustrating because you can seem him so happy and so sad at the same time but you have no idea why they could have so many emotions over something so stupid. He cursed and jumped up and down at the same time several times. At some points he tried to explain how the coach had bought well but ah, for me it flew right past me.

“Can I lie down?”

I asked him after the soccer finished. He was watching some documentary and he looked to be paying so much attention to it!

“Of course you can. Let me just get something from the kitchen and you can lie on my lap!”

He said. I had not thought that far. I was going to take a cushion. I wanted to lie down because I was tired not because I was still playing the game.

“Are you feeling ok?”

He asked me when he sat down.

“I am fine. I see you love your soccer!”

I told him jokingly.

“I do hey. It keeps me company. I don’t have to go out and spend unnecessary money on weekends.”

He told me. It made sense to me. Most money gets spent on unnecessary things which kill people’s budgets.

“Let me just finish this documentary. It’s about the orphans that were left behind after the Ebola crisis. It’s really sad!”

He said. Goodness this guy can depress you. He had girl sleeping on his lap and he wanted to watch Ebola. I lay on his lap and he covered me properly with the throw. He rested his hand on my stomach and guess what, I passed out! I don’t even think it took me five minutes. Is this the exhaustion that Esihle had spoken about?

The dream came back.

We were back at the river and nothing had changed from the first time. My grandmother was there as though she had never left.

“I am still waiting for the stone!”

She told me as soon as she noticed I was looking at her. This could not be real.

“Gogo, I am scared of getting the stone. The water is flowing too fast. I think I should go back!”

I protested. I could feel the cold water on my feet. How did I end up in the water? I seem to remember being on the side of the river.

“Go back where? You belong here, with your family.”

She told me.

“I want to go back home to my mother and to my friends. I don’t belong here!”

I told her. She laughed at me and said,

“No my child, this is where you belong. Your family is the strongest bond you can ever have!”

She said. I wanted to ask her what she meant but I felt myself shaking.

“Gogo what’s happening. I am scared.”

I told her as I tried to look for something to hold on to but there was nothing. As suddenly as the shaking started I stopped. I woke up startled.

It was Mbuso who had been shaking me to wake up.

“Hey there, are you ok?”

He asked me.

“Why?

I asked him.

“You were talking in your sleep!”

He told me! What? Again. I was so embarrassed.

“I have to go home!”

I told him and stood up immediately. Did I have the same dream because I had been worried about it after I had it the first time?

“Just like that after the way you insisted on coming in?”

He asked me a bit surprised.

“Yes just like that, you don’t want neighbours knowing you are a grown up man remember!”

Hi Mike
Thanks for your wonderful blog and amazing stories which inspire us daily.
I’m a 25 year old independent woman who works for herself and gets paid very well, here goes my story. I’ve been dating this guy for 7months and he is not working, in march he went quiet for 3 days and when he called the fourth day he said his phone fell into the water and I just let it be, he forced me to introduce him to my parents in April and I did, he took me to his family also all was good until end of April he went missing for 7 days after getting calls from his ex girlfriend whom he told to stay away from him in front of me and when he came back on the 8th day n called me he said he went to look for work and I would have had a lot to say if he told me he was going for a week my problem was he did not answer my calls and only answered when he was on his way home. From there on things never went well with us, he never came to me again. In July he said we should try again n I said its fine, this month I found out I’m 3 months pregnant I told him and the guy said its fine just like that. He started to ignore my calls and even blocked my calls and started to post pictures of him and the same girl she said it’s his ex gf, I checked his Facebook and I inboxed the gf and told her that her bf made a child in Kimberley and the girl said it serves me right to make a child with someone who has a gf and she is also pregnant and they have been dating for years now. The guy sends me a whatsapp message saying I had no right to tell his gf about our child if I don’t stop he will do something to me.
What bothers me was I didn’t know he was still seeing his ex gf, we never had a fight, and he kept posting my pictures for the period we’ve been dating since January and so on.
Now what do I do with this whole situation it could have been better to walk away n get over it if I was not pregnant but I am and I can’t terminate because its already late, I cry a lot n stress to much which causes pains in my stomach. I don’t want to hurt my unborn child and can I go to his family he introduced me to or what because this thing is too painful…please advice.
Yours
Hurt mother to be😥

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34 thoughts on “Y.E.S 49”

Lungi is my role model yazi..lol as for barging in and demanding to spend time together..

Hurt mother to be
I am so sorry for the predicament you find yourself in, this guy obviously played you and he played you well. I’ve been there, but fortunately I came out with a vacant womb. Your situation is so sensitive :(.. consult your elders, I understand they should be the ones to inform that guy’s family about the pregnancy then arrangements for “damages” to be paid will be made. Hai, you really got the short end of the stick here, but try not to stress about it too much, get someone to talk to, keep busy so you keep your mind off him. I pray God heals your broken heart.. askies hle

But is it really too late for termination though? Coz this situation seems to be getting way more retarded by the day. The first decision you did a blunder on was accepting his advances, as an independent well paid woman, you ought to have been more mature with your partner selection…. He didn’t work, what more give away did you need to see this guy is a loser? Another blunder was you accepting him with open legs and arms when he did a magic trick of phoof and disappearing for 3 days. And here comes the mother of all F ups, three months into the relationship he ‘forced’ you to introduce him to your folks, like who does that? You barely even know the guy in 3 months and you taking him to meet your parents, WARNING BELLS.

Like with all those bad decisions and he still did another Abra Kadabra move and vanished….. FOR A WEEK?? And yet you still took him back. Kuyo yonke lento, you were sleeping with him without protection, like dafuq!!

I think you should try your hardest ass sweat to get rid of that foetus inside of you, pick yourself up and grow some tits. Oh and by the way, this posting on social media nonsense isn’t any sort of validation that you’re the it… People marry today and divorce tomorrow, you think a post with a picture of you and a tag makes you mainchick…. Get outta here!!!

Ta brada Mike, was hoping for some “action” nyana. This brada Mbuso is sluggish mhani. In his shoes, my retaliation was gonna be to go for a hug then a 💋 nyana look her in the 👀 & C where it wud lead. Hhayi de man! Wa disapointa stru!
Hurt mother-to-be, yo story is so sad bcz from the word go, signs where there that this guy is a player but U somehow ignored them. More like passing several amber robots & keeping the same speed really.
Try finding something to keep U focused on for now so U don’t hurt yoself or the baby or both & try forgetting this guy. Don’t forget yo lesson & teach the other young girls U know abt players. Avoid opening their hearts or legs but if they can’t at least use protection.
Love that baby as U can look after it or as a very last resort, U can give it for adoption. Telling his family is his responsibility not yours since he is aware. Otherwise U will sound desperate & desperation will lead U into further abuse. Harsh as it sounds, this guy is not so into U. He jst played U so well.

mama to be… you dont have to termnate the pregnancy just because the baby daddy is a duche bag!! You are independent afterall and you can afford to raise the baby without his help and besides he doesnt work in any case so you were not going to get much help from him financially. You can do it on your own, who knows maybe ths child will be the best thing that happened to you… get over the excuse of a man you were dating, you dodged a bullet with that one!! We all make mistakes and come out with lessons learnt from them
All the best hon…

QnA I am angry at you because you failed yourself. This man showed you all the signs that he was unreliable and not trustworthy but you still have him the benefit of the doubt. Have you learned nothing from what BRA Mike writes about. A man is only as good as his word and how much attention he pays to you. No one disappears for a week and you think it’s normal. Only Jesus is allowed that privilege. Anger issues out what to do next..

I am very much a believer that you should not let men get away with such things. Go to his parents and tell them the damage he has done. Ask them for advice on what you should do next. If they are decent people they will call him to order but this is not me saying give him another chance. He does not deserve you or to look in your direction. He is not worthy of you at all and I mean it whole heartedly. Only a coward does that if they reject you the parents that is at least you have peace of mind that you did not sit down and do nothing.

You said you work right so start preparing for your child. You can’t maintain such anger and try to produce a happy healthy child. Take care

In 2006 i felt pregnant let me tell you it was not easy because i was in the EC and baby daddy was staying at Joburg, and i later realised he was cheating on me with someone else, i would call for a week and he would not pick, Jonga that was eating me up. That was the kind of a relationship i was at for 9 months, until my beautiful baby boy was born, he came to see him when he was 5 days old that was the 1st and last time. I had a choice to make, to be stressed and die or love this bundle of joy and raise him all by myself, with the help of my mom of cause. Today my baby boy is 9 years old. And he never met his father he would want to talk to him now and then and i would give him the phone to call hi.

My advice to you is you are young, beautiful and independent, LET GO OF THAT BASTARD for the sake of your unborn child, love that baby like there is no tomorrow. i repeat LET GO nana he was not for you, UYEZA OWAKHO.

Mother to be you shuld take jackzor’s advice. U wer played sisi hope uv learnt your lesson, when people show you ther true colours believe them. Just find a way to Terminate it not too late. Cos it quite obvious ukuthi lo mtwana uzomukhulisa wedwa. N you can stop that from happening we have too many single moms in this country.

Hi everyone
Thanks 4 the advice it made me feel much more now..lmao Jackzorro u say I should grow some tits I’ll do that..I prayed over everything and decided to keep my child a lot of woman r struggling to get babies y should I terminate who knows this could be my last chance of being a mother…I’m willing to move on and let go of the dude because the other day he called me and told me that he never broke up with his ex n I should stop calling him because he is staying with his ex now..if I want to talk to him I should only talk about our child nothing more..it broke my heart even more but I’ll pass..one day all of this will come back to him.

Yho Mike that scene where lungi is lying on the Mbuso’s Lap…. I can imagine the delicious things she could have done to him >>> Let me get my mind out of the gutter.

Hurt Mother to be
I am so sorry for what you are going through, I can imagine the pain and frustration this piece of sh*t has caused you and now being pregnant with his child. Terrible.

At 3 months its not too late to have an Abortion provided you go to private hospital as soon as possible. This is a no win situation, you love this guy but going to his family how is it going to change the situation other than them making him take responsibility. Your happiness is destroyed and what if the child comes looking like him? Are you ready to be a sister wife cos it seems like this is where its going?

You have 2 choices here Abortion or going to his uncle. My advice is get an abortion, there is no happily ever after.

Girl… Focus on you and your unborn baby for now, I am not for termination so I will not advise on that. Stop stressing because you are not causing hurt to you but to the child.

Talk to your family, make them understand the situation you in and ask them for their support because you need them now more than ever.

You are fortunate because one you were able to be preggies, do you know the number of ladies who are longing for that blessing? Two, you have the money and of the right age to raise your child.

Forget about the loser and enjoy the journey yo are in. And stop considering or thinking about talking with his family, it’s his family not yours. He should do the talking with them not you. Finally, never ever make communication with “K” akhonto ikudibanisa naye.

Hay andiyboni into efunisa termination here. Even if the tsotsi ebenga slyzanga ubuhleli uzomkhulisa wedwa lomntana, you are the ONLY one who works vele, akho kwanto ebezokncedisa ngayo ngaphandle kwezi disappearing acts adume ngazo. If your main reason for wanting to terminate sesi somka kwakhe then simuncu. Sawzkhupha kubuye uYesu if every time a man decides to leave us sipregnant we abort.

@MOTHER TO BE…
Girl just forget about this guy and move on with your life how many children are out there and doesn’t have fathers? come on girl you don’t need this guy he will only cause pain in your life just pull yourself together and raise that child life is a circle what comes around goes around his day will come and that time the light will be shining your way ….good luck girl I believe that there is nothing that is hard for a woman…

Well my love, we all make mistakes and they are part of life. What I love about mistakes, you can choose to grow from them or run from them. I agree with the lady who said babies brings joy no matter how they came. Once they are here, you forget the pain and drama. Everything changes

Look when I was young”mentally” and foolish, I dated a married men. And no I’m not going to sit here and lie about not knowing that he was married. To me it was just fun since we were camping far from home via work. Guess what I got pregnant, tjooooo I’ve never cried so hard! Even my doctor got confused, he thought maybe I didn’t hear him correctly when he said my blood test came back positive. He thought maybe I was thinking I’m HIV positive. Only when I told him about the father of the baby he understood my pain. His advise was to abort, but I refused because I was 27 and already working. I asked myself the same question like you did”what if this is my only chance to be a mom”

To cut the story short, things didn’t last longer between me and babydaddy. Yes I was extremely angry, but I took the blame for my part in this whole mess which turned out to be a blessing.

I love my son more than anything in this world, through him I’m a strong woman, I work hard to see him happy. His father lives 30min away from us, but my son doesn’t know him. He deposit money for him every month but he doesn’t have a relationship with him. As much it hurts like hell, as much I blame myself for my son being fatherless by making the right decision to dump him. guess what I don’t care, I’ll deal with everything the day my son starts asking questions because I’m planning to tell him the truth. The situation is tough, raising a child on your own is tough, but I wouldn’t change a thing given the opportunity. Life it is not about the challenges we face, but it is about how we handle those challenges. Trust me the sooner you make peace nd forgive yourself, the sooner you’ll heal nd move on. Mina I really grew from my experience, I didn’t allow my bitterness to ruin the babydaddy’s marriage. Till today his wife doesn’t know about the affair and my baby. Only the grandmothers*babydaddy’s mother knows* and naye she didn’t bother to come to see my baby. And I’m still ok with everything. My point is, there more to life than few mistakes nd disappointment. Wena pray hard to God for wisdom and strength to turn the situation and make it work for you.

I can testify that God works in misterious ways, what we normally think its a curse, it is normally a blessing. There is an amazing story/lesson in every bad situation. Only if we are willing to see it and stop complaining

things that some douch F**** s put us through thou, do they know how dificult it is for a woman to pick herself up after that whole ordeal?EISH :(… sorry mother to be, start by forgiving yourself for making bad choices and falling for his Shit… then take it from there cos however i believe a child is a blessing from God, no matter how it came, check Mbuso’s situation with Ntetheng.. all im saying is you can rise above that

Dakalo get out there and get your man sister… Fear is just a temporary set back, love can overcome that so please don’t forget that. If he rejects you then phsss! Life happens. You wont know til you try.

This poor lady doesn’t need you being judgemental, she has enough problems as it is and all she needs is advise and some of you people are so insensitive with your words especially you Jackroso. @ Hurt I know this may sound cliche but every baby no matter how it was conceived is a blessing, I have never been pregnant therefore I cannot even begin to comprehend what you are going through currently but I believe in the Lord and I believe the reason you are pregnant it is because it was time for you to be a mom, do not abort your baby my dear, there are so many woman whom would give anything to be pregnant but can not conceive. Keep your baby and forgive that guy, he was never worthy of you and it is not your fault that he was not raised well. You will be just fine, Keep well dear

but why introduce a guy to your parents first before he has introduced you? It’s not too late to terminate my dear since you’ve suggested it do a thorough research on legal clinics…In future don’t open your legs for a guy who is unemployment especially without protection! They can be a bit too sly those…many women are raising kids without fathers and are not earning “very well” so if you decide to keep it you will be fine I’m sure. Learn from your mistake though because we can write till our batteries die and you can still go back to his arms. Love is liar sometimes it’s fire…