Okay folks, here is the big scrolly, clicky window of chattiness. Go crazy, but remember to stick to the TWC-approved talking points:

The Sabres should get BETTER today, not worse.

It’s okay by us if the Sabres want to “go for it” this year.

It’s okay by us if they want to be cautious, as long as they don’t also expect us to believe that the current top six will magically improve (unless there actually ARE black magiks involved- then maybe we’ll buy it. Maybe).

We promise not to freak out later because Toni Lydman and/or Henrik Tallinder “got away for nothing”. Playing through the season is NOT nothing.

Derek Roy can and should be traded- preferably for Zach Parise.

Ryan Kesler WANTS to be a Sabre. Who are you to deny him his dream, Darcy?

It’s perfectly fine to understand that there is little-to-no chance Darcy will do anything flashy and STILL vocally demand wish that he would.

Wanting a big trade but also being unable to point to a single available player that you’d want to trade for is a totally reasonable position.

Ryan Miller deserves a great team.

We do NOT, I repeat, we do NOT think getting a healthy Kaleta back is the same as a trade.

If we could can get anything, it should probably be offense.

We can be grown-ups about this, no matter what happens.

TOTALLY LAME UPDATE: Apparently you can’t use CoverItLive on WordPress hosted blogs. So, if you want to participate, you have to go to one of these other blogs.

The timing of this Ilya Kovalchuk trade is really a shame. The collective mental health of Sabres fans (always shaky, even in the best of times) was already spiraling, and now we’ve got Lou Lamoriello reminding us that even the DEVILS are bold and creative adventurers compared to Darcy and The Gang. The Devils.

A month ago if you had told me that Kovalchuk would be available for the equivalent of Butler, Kennedy and Ennis I would have said, “THAT is the DUMBEST thing I have EVER heard. I can’t WAIT to laugh and laugh and laugh at whatever pathetically desperate team bites at that one.” Then I would have wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes and gazed adoringly at my perfect, perfect Buffalo Sabres.

BUT NOW.

Good golly. I would trade those suckheads in a heartbeat.

To Atlanta: Butler, Kennedy, Ennis.To Buffalo: Three orange TicTacs.

Done and DONE. At least with this trade Butts and Kennedy would be off the ice, and Buffalo would have three delicious orange TicTacs.

I know, I know, I’m being petulant and ridiculous. What can I say? “Petulant and Ridiculous” is my middle name.

_______

Here are a few uncranky things to offset my crankiness. Consider these the “carbon credits” of pissy blogging.

– I’m not sure what Sekera’s numbers were like yesterday (I haven’t dared to look at the stats), but he was a bright spot from the game. That guy should NOT be in the press box anymore. Free Sekera!

– This was my fourth game in two weeks at the arena, and my second HIDEOUS game in three nights. At some point during the second period as I was getting increasingly disgruntled (the 2nd period theoretically should have been exciting because the Sabres had something like, 40,000 shots on goal, but sadly every shot was accompanied by the deepening sense that the Sabres would never score again) I decided to play a game where I only watched Tyler Myers. And I mean ONLY him. I even tried to keep my eyes glued to him even when he was sitting on the bench doing nothing. It’s a surprisingly rewarding game. I can highly recommend it. My game led to a lot of firing and unfiring of Tyler on Twitter, and for that, I apologize to my followers. I was just trying to find my happy place. (Related aside: if anyone ever wants to discuss Tyler Myers’ long-astonishingly-skinny-leg-iness, I am now fully prepared to do so. I’ve done the research.)

– I’m not sure this qualifies as “uncranky” but let’s give it a shot: At the end of the 3rd period I reeeally had to pee but because of the STUPID GATE at the end of my row, in order to do so, I would have had to make about 15 people stand up to allow me to pass. That’s just bad form at the end of a tie game, so I resigned myself to holding it in until the game was over. BUT, I was feeling uncomfortable enough to say to Robin, “If this game goes to overtime I’m going to be irked. Heh. I shouldn’t have said that. Now the Hurricanes are going to scor- OH FOR EFFS SAKE, CRUNCHY!” Seriously. The timing was that perfect. I’m not sorry, in fact, I’m a little proud. The Sabres deserved that jinx.

– I usually buy a few 50/50 tickets at the game. I find 50/50 charming in its simplicity. Usually I buy between 1-5 tickets depending entirely on how many one dollar bills I have in my wallet. Last night, I bought 4 tickets. Get this- the gal who sold me the tickets tore each ticket off of a different booklet. I thought this was INCREDIBLE. I’m sure that the math will back me up here, because I believe STRONGLY that my odds of winning go up exponentially when my ticket numbers are not sequential. Thank you 50/50 girl! I didn’t win last night, but I sincerely appreciate your efforts to increase my chances.

I’m not too worried about the Leafs suddenly turning into a powerhouse. If my fantasy hockey stats over the last few years have taught me anything, it’s that both J.S. Giguere and Dion Phaneuf are BAD at hockey.

Hooray! The hockey season is FINALLY over, and now we can get down to the delightful task of trading away all of the old sucky Sabres, for NEW sucky Sabres! WOO!

I read something interesting on Kukla’s Korner today. John Madden is going to test the market on July 1st.

I want him!

Ew, gross! Not him!…..

…..HIM! (disclaimer: he’s only slightly less gross than the football John Madden)

Before you get all uppity and, “He’s old! He’s never been that productive! He’s on the decline!” I say to you, “I know, but gather ’round and listen to me.”

Seven reasons the Sabres should sign John Madden:

1. Have you EVER seen a Sabre look like John Madden looks in that picture? No. No, you have not. Because most of our players are little wusses. I like how beat-up John Madden is willing to get, and I like how he’s got a respectable playoff beard- like a man.

2. The Sabres are in desperate need of a leader, and John Madden seems like one of those “I REALLY WANT TO LEAD” eager-beaver types, like Briere was, only with credibility and a cranky disposition.

3. John Madden has won two Cups. Two. And a Selke. I used to poo-poo the idea that Cup experience is all that valuable, but then I watched two seasons of a team with zero Cup winners, coached by a guy with zero Cup wins and I changed my mind. The Sabres really need SOMEONE around who knows what it takes to win it all.

I think his leadership could be really good for a team like the Sabres. He’s a hard-ass and I suspect he has absolutely no qualms about telling younger players to shape up. I think he’d love to see himself as a Scott Stevens for a rudderless group.

We HAVE a rudderless group here in Buffalo!

5. Here’s the OTHER thing Pookie said:

You know what his biggest strength to you guys would be? Coach killing. He’s been a key player on a lot of classic coach killing teams!

Now, I know that most of you don’t want Lindy to be fired, but I feel strongly about this one. If Lindy comes back next year, and the Sabres are good, and they all start listening to him again, GREAT! Lindy’s an awesome dude, and super fun to have around, and it would ROCK if the Sabres stopped sucking. BUT. If Lindy comes back, and the Sabres still seem disorganized, disinterested, and all around sucky, SOMEONE needs to be fired, and that someone is usually the coach. One of the things I HATED about last season was that the players seemed to be coach killing, BUT THEY COULDN’T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT. If coach killing is what we need, John Madden’s got the experience to get it done.

Hopefully we won’t need a coach killer next season, but if I have to watch another season of Derek Roy TRYING to kill Lindy and FAILING, I swear to LINDY RUFF I will lose my effing mind.

5. His nickname is Maddog. The only dog nickname the Sabres currently have is “Pommerdoodle.”

6. According to the Ookies, John Madden is totally humorless and his interviews are all-dour-all-the-time. Perfect. Hopefully he’s like that in practices, and on the team plane, and on the bench, and in the workout room, and in hotel rooms, and EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. The Sabres could really use a dour asshole around. They certainly responded to Chris Drury, didn’t they?

7. I really believe the Sabres HAVE to pick up a grizzled vet, and we could do a WHOLE lot worse than John Madden. (See: Guerin, Bill)

(Thank you to the Ookies, fabulous Devils fans, who obviously greatly influenced this post. By “influenced” I pretty much mean “told me all of this stuff, exactly”.)

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