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Sorry that your friends are 'killing you softly' with their unthinking remarks. If they knew, they would probably think before speaking. If they knew, then you would know if they were really your friends.

ronnie

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"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was" Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV1993AZTNorvir1994-2001Crixivan/Epivir/ZeritNo Meds for 7 Years

I've found that in many Asian countries people would fear for the most ridiculous and impossible ways on how HIV can be transmitted - the classic being lipsticks..

But than they'd happily put their dicks in places that they shouldn't be. Figure that out. One time I was trapped in a straight bar (how subversive, straight bar! ) with some, er, manly jocks who frequently hire CSWs. And one said he didn't fear getting anything because he knew a sure way to prevent it - by drinking a lot of beers before sex. How? By the time he finished with the girls he would really need to piss so he'd be able to pee anything "dirty" out...

It always hurts to hear comments like this from friends you care about.. and you feel more the need to hide it. Give it time though.

Sorry that your friends are 'killing you softly' with their unthinking remarks. If they knew, they would probably think before speaking. If they knew, then you would know if they were really your friends.

ronnie

Jing Hua

I echo Ronnie's sentiments. One final aspect to consider, if they knew, they might know better how to protect themselves as they are obviously uneducated about HIV. Only you know the level of friendship you have with them and what you are putting at risk in your setting. No one here can gauge that, but many of us have had the disclosure experience with surprising results---both negative and positive.

Wow. Sounds like when my childrens father (who knows I am +) said to me as I was passing my bottle of water to one of them,"ummm, I don't think they should be drinking after you...." I just laughed and of coursed offered him a copy of one of my books for some good ole education. Or, when my neighbor was over a few night ago (who doesn't know I am +) and said she was asked to perform CPR on someone recently and she said to them, hell no, I don't want to risk getting AIDS or some crap like that". It is so unreal that in this day and age there are still people like this out there. Furthermore, I can't imagine how it made you feel.

From your posts throughout the forum you've shown yourself to be a man of good character and high standards. From the posts of others, you've been shown to be very brave. Neither of these qualities appears to be showing in the people that you are calling your friend let alone "best friend" at the moment.

Often, we lower our standards and our ethics in order to avoid being alone not understanding that this same behavior is what creates or encourages our sense of loneliness. For many, it is this exact behavior that enabled us to become HIV positive. Let me make it clear on this point... this is not a healthy choice to make.

Only you can choose for yourself as to what each of these friends behaviors you can consider acceptable but I would challenge you to ask yourself what you think is more detrimental to your health and happiness and then act as you see fit.

My partner who is negative, lives in Thailand. I speak with him every single day and told him within a day of receiving my diagnosis. This was well before we started dating. I have few friends nearby but of those I do, every single one knows that I am gay, done drugs in the past, have AIDS, dislike George Bush... To me, that is preferable to having someone close who doesn't accept and support you for who you are. Personally, I think you deserve better. If you think each person really cares for you then you owe it to yourself and to them to let them get to know the real you and not some compartmentalized version. Many of us here have enjoyed all you've had to offer and want more. I'd sit and eat with you any day of the week... provided you're buying

Hugs and be strong.

On a side note to Shaun, once again your anecdotes bring a smile to my face... but I miss your FENG SHAUN!

They need some education about HIV. Of course, who knows whether or not they would believe it. It's your right not to tell them. I am so sorry they're making you feel so lousy. Keep you chin up, you're loved here. {{{Jinghua}}} Luv,Betty

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

It was hard for me, but 2 1/2 years of coping with my status....i can probably just laugh with their reaction, i haven't done anything wrong...just a little guilt to eat with them..(i think that's normal,right?)

It makes me being more anxious if i come to the point i have to tell any of them (which i know i don't have to and hopefully it won't happen....will it be too selfish?)

Jing Hua

Oddly enough, I thought this only happened in America in the uneducated families of friends. On a personal level, I remember coming home from the hospital following AIDS diagnosis and treatment for PCP. I was sharing an oceanfront apartment with a gay friend who had rearranged the kitchen while I was away. There was a special shelf which contained:1 plate, 1 fork, 1 knife, 1 spoon, I coffee cup and 1 drinking glass. I was instructed to not use any of the other dishes because HE did not want AIDS and this was in 1996.

What did I do? Ever so glad you asked, I moved that afternoon. Have the best dayMichael

Ignorance is not acceptable at my house, except for two flood victims in 2005, I have lived alone for the past 8 years. Have the best dayMichael(who would eat with Jing hua if there were enough frequent flyer miles)

This is why many of us have issues with disclosure. I respect people's opinions but not their ignorance. Unfortunately those outside of the HIV circle really don't concern themselves with the knowledge to help realize what is true and what is false when it comes to HIV. My being HIV + with an AIDS diagnosis does not change who I am as a person. I realize that and if they can't then I won't tell them. It's none of their business... I'll let them figure it out when they read my obituary or see me taken out of my home in one of those plastic body bags.