how do you just walk away from an argument?

wake up.you're aliveThread Starter

i am normally a fairly level headed person and can usually walk away from a conversation, knowing that i made my point strongly enough and can come to the realization that neither of us will change beliefs. and i'm usually okay with that.

but i am in this debate with someone on another website about religion (she's an evangelist and i'm not sure what i am anymore...but we've ended up arguing about if god still loves a person if they sin) and it has me so upset that i can barely see straight and that i'm shaking and crying. i am very confident in my beliefs about god and religion- and she is quite confident in hers.

but she is trying SO hard to break me down and trying her hardest to convince everyone else what a horrible human being i am. ALL i was talking to her about was general opinions and she's taking personal stabs at me (stuff like "you have no right to talk about god because you don't go to church anymore", "god has no tolerance for people like you", etc etc etc). they just seem like VERY cheap shots to me, you know?

so how do i end this converation without seeming like the one who is giving up on this argument? it seems like, if i leave now, it's just going to prove her point about how weak i am. how do i just say "agree to disagree" and still have my opinions be valid (as well as hers)?!

(note: i do NOT want to discuss here what i am discussing on this other site. we don't need debates, okay?)

I run with scissors

Tell her that you two are going to have to "agree to disagree" and be done. If she brings it up again, tell her you are not going to engage with her on that topic. It takes two to have a conversation, so you will have to enforce your decision.

And by the way, some of the strongest people still know how to take the path of least resistance and see that as a victory. Don't confuse walking away for weakness, that is far from the truth.

Choose to be happy

Tell her that you two are going to have to "agree to disagree" and be done. If she brings it up again, tell her you are not going to engage with her on that topic. It takes two to have a conversation, so you will have to enforce your decision.

And by the way, some of the strongest people still know how to take the path of least resistance and see that as a victory. Don't confuse walking away for weakness, that is far from the truth.

I run with scissors

kallison, perhaps you could do some reflecting with yourself, and try to figure out why this topic and this person has gotten your goat...it will be a great lesson and will refocus your energies to a healthy internal process rather than unhealthy external battles.

wake up.you're aliveThread Starter

kallison, perhaps you could do some reflecting with yourself, and try to figure out why this topic and this person has gotten your goat...it will be a great lesson and will refocus your energies to a healthy internal process rather than unhealthy external battles.

OMG did I sound like my mom?

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hehe, you just sounded like MY mom!!!

and i certainly know why this topic bothers me so much (i've always had a problem with people thinking they know everything about god and exactly what he wants from us, etc. i don't believe ANYTHING is that black and white and cutthroat). it took me a LONG time to accept what i believe right now and to be comfortable with that- and to have someone tear that down so quickly and judge me for it...it hurts.

Member

Oh man, I really feel for you. Before I joined this forum I would have thought: who cares what people on some remote little site think? But peoples words can cut really deep in spite of the fact that you can't see their faces.

Sooo, I have no advice for you though, just wanted to validate your feelings. I am wicked sensitive when people gang up on me... Chin up.

why bother

Oh I know this feeling. I'll not get overly involved in communication drivers, but suffice it to say that we all really want to be validated, even if not agreed with. It can be sooo frustrating to be shut down.

But I supsect this girl on the other site *knows* that too.

If you let her get to you, she wins.

A quote from an old movie, "the only way to win is not to play the game".

With people like this, engaging just gives them fuel and you end up validating her by responding.

You might be amazed at how effective SILENCE and NOT responding can be in situations like this.

wake up.you're aliveThread Starter

Oh I know this feeling. I'll not get overly involved in communication drivers, but suffice it to say that we all really want to be validated, even if not agreed with. It can be sooo frustrating to be shut down.

But I supsect this girl on the other site *knows* that too.

If you let her get to you, she wins.

A quote from an old movie, "the only way to win is not to play the game".

With people like this, engaging just gives them fuel and you end up validating her by responding.

You might be amazed at how effective SILENCE and NOT responding can be in situations like this.

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i'm sure she knows how upset she's making me. heck, she HAS to know. and what sucks is that everyone else is agreeing with her...i feel like everyone is ganging up on me.

so maybe i'll say my last comment and be done. maybe. i mean, sheesh, why is it so darn hard and why do i care so much?!