Tuesday 3 March 2009 03.58 EST
First published on Tuesday 3 March 2009 03.58 EST

The Mill loves the smell of paint in the morning. It's nice for us, then, that our new abode has just been decorated, so that at the precise moment our alarm ripped us from our sleep this morning we were able to close our eyes, widen those nostrils, slowly circle our head and gently inhale as those splendidly moreish Dulux Solid Emulsion fumes got our system going for the day. Mmmmm.

For the Mill, much of the year is spent sacrificing dignity in the invariably vain pursuit of even the most irrelevant tidbits or, when we do find some, sucking up the last bits of juice from said tidbits like dregs of cider on a slab of concrete outside Victoria station. Today, the Rumours aren't even that good.

The best we can do is to recycle the news that Harry Redknapp will take a financial hit on David Bentley in the summer, selling him for £10m so that he can continue rebuilding Spurs by signing Graham Roberts, Tony Galvin, Steve Sedgley, Nayim, Nico Claesen, Stuart Nethercott and Chas.

Milan and LA Galaxy are still trying to settle on a compromise that will allow David Beckham to play for both clubs this season and then join Milan permanently later in the year. "Negotiations are getting more intense," said Milan suit Adriano Galliani, whipping off his clothes and dimming the lights.

If he can make it down the corridor to Harry Redknapp's office without his hipbone shattering after a particularly nasty collision with fresh air, Ledley King will ask Spurs for a new contract.

A few months ago, Nottingham Forest manager Billy Davies was "looking into the eyes of Natalie Sawyer" on Sky Sports News. Now he's looking into the eyes of Reading's Leroy Lita, imploring him to form a charm school/centre-forward partnership with Robert Earnshaw. Where's that DeLorean?

If John Carew turns around and notices two men on all fours sniffing halfway up his leg with homoerotic fervour, he need not call the authorities: they are representatives of Galatasaray and Werder Bremen.

Crystal Palace want to sign Sunderland's Anthony Stokes on loan for the rest of the season.