My sister's cat died a month ago to FIV complications, he had probably contracted the virus at some point fighting the local strays. Today I went to visit, they showed me the beautiful grave they had made, and my nephew (3.5 years old) petted the grave mound. It was probably the saddest thing I have ever seen.

Just lost my lovable cat, Angel, today whom I had for 7 years after getting her from a great local shelter. Biggest lovable goof-ball though she always had health issues known about when I'd gotten her from the shelter. Sadly, she was unable to eat on her own and I'd been feeding her on a liquid diet now for months. The Vet and I agreed that at this stage, it was only downhill and had become inhumane to keep her in this diminished and miserable state. My mother and I both cried as she was the biggest belly-rub slut of a cat I'd ever known. The techs and vet also cried, they loved having her there even for just visits as she was the sweetest they'd known as well.

I'm honored for the time I had with her and wouldn't have traded it for anything, just selfish enough to have wanted so much more.

So to make my late Monday night/Tuesday morning suck so horribly horribly bad, I had to put one of my dogs to sleep last night after he had such bad seizures, he was foaming blood. That may well have been one of the hardest, yet quickest decisions I've ever made once I saw him on the table after they'd stabilized him. Now the house feels kind of empty with only two dogs. If you pray, throw me a few and if you don't, just think happy thoughts at me.

I should get back to nature, too. You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer. Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached. Buy a car with only two cup holders or something.

Thanks, it means a lot. It's kind of funny, everyone loved him and he made a big impression on people with his strong personality and of course, massive size and paws. But he was super private, he only really liked being around me. The old lady would be barely tolerated and anyone else he would just leave the room.

Here's a thing I wrote just now on FB...

Another tough day, but I haven't broken down yet. Yesterday was brutal, I was such a mess all day. Each time I would do something it would normally either be with or 'supervised' by Bart. And I would think of that and lose it. I couldn't even open the dishwasher, because his plates were in it. He always had to 'inspect' the mail when it came, etc. All the planned projects for new toys or cat furniture or a little tunnel for him to sneak into the bedroom, ramps for his old age, all come to naught.

Today I'm putting away his things for the last time, breaking down his cat trees, storing the dishes. Tomorrow I find a new home for things I can pass on to other cat parents.

I never realized what a crucial part of my life that cat was, he did literally everything with me. He was so much more than a pet, he was family. I don't like to say it's like losing a son, because parents of human children might be offended. But it was.

I'll get better, I'm a strong person and a survivor. But I've lost part of myself, a part that brought me the most joy in my day, and that void looms large every waking minute.