Friday, January 25, 2013

We were just very nearly this excited about the fact that "the Googles," as the kids today don't call it, has finally gotten street-level photography of every nook and cranny of Reston for its fancy Internet maps. Our favorite correspondent, the Peasant from Less Sought After South Reston, reports:

It appears that The Google's awesome yet sinister street-view car was busy roaming our earth-toned environs this past summer, photographing every last street, lane, cul de sac, and DRB violation in Reston, and for that matter much of the rest of Fairfax County. Just think what the DRB and Covenants folks can do with this info, remotely accessing a Carl Sagan-esque 'billions and billions' of pixels' worth of potential violations with a click of the mouse!

Using his advanced photographic interpretation skills while looking at his own street, The Peasant deduces that The Google's ominous cyborg-mobile with its all-seeing eye made the rounds on a Wednesday in late August or early September, at least to judge by A) the vegetation in bloom at The Peasant's hovel, B) the first few fallen white oak leaves littering his driveway, and C) the fact that, as usual on Wednesdays, an upturned recycling bin adorns the lawn of Fellow Peasant Neighbor's house for hours on end, thus immortalizing for all time and for all to see the heartbreaking decline in Fellow Peasant's property values.

But in other parts of Reston, it appears as though some of Google's street-level photography isn't quite so recent. Until you see one of their fancy self-aware Priuses plying the roadways, the Street View feature offers us all a nostalgic, sepia-toned glimpse into Reston's idyllic, not-too-distant past:

Remember this awesome parking lot on Wiehle Avenue? We forget what's there now, but for some reason, oddly shaped parallelograms keep popping into our heads.

Seems like those buildings across Reston Parkway got smashed up real good since this picture was taken. But what about on the other side of the street?

Well, this one is still up-to-date. For now, anyway. For the next few 10-20 years, we'd suggest that Google just keep a car circling up Sunrise Valley and down Sunset Hills, on infinite loop.

The Peasant wonders what could come of all this great visual data:

One imagines the scene at the RA's Global Covenants Domination and Enforcement Headquarters, a subterranean high-tech nerve center modeled after those gizmo-filled lairs of James Bond villains. RA employees intently scan every image projected onto large overhead screens, and when the wrong shade of a just slightly too dark pastel blue shutter is found, the air is filled with blaring klaxons, flashing lights, the repeated announcement "DRB violation! DRB violation!" in a robotic voice, and squads of white-overalled functionaries scrambling into their armada of white pick-up trucks to roar out and administer justice to the hapless miscreant.

In the interest of equal time for our other tech giant with a Reston presence, we plugged "Reston Town Center" into Apple Maps to see what their street view looked like:

5 comments:

Perhaps it was prohibited by some HOA bylaw, but the street view data does not cover every "nook and cranny", nor "every last street, lane, cul de sac". My lovely abode off of Headlands Ct. will remain invisible to the internet at large.I will be grateful for the views that they have provided, though.

I think you are correct. RA Global Covenants Enforcements is on our doorstep (literally). The scenario you presented reminds me very much of the old British series "The Prisoner". I AM NOT A NUMBER!!!!

Nah, don't worry. In my relative's neighborhood, the white on white with white trim house has drawn no fire from DRB. It blends in nicely today, but the other 360 days a year, it's an eyesore. Maybe they're all busy at Peasant's neighborhood eyeing the recycling bins.