We’ve been running ragged for as long as I can remember. My kids and I are tired of our schedule, but not willing to give anything up, so we keep going until one of us drops.

Someone in this picture is winning, but I really don’t know who.

It’s like a game.

I think I can win this game. I have more weapons in my arsenal (money, car keys, smartphone, calendar, lock on the outside of the basement door, etc), while their strongest ammunition is youthful verve and willingness to band together with their profound precocity. To conspire. Against me.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! I’ve got this one in the bag.

Sometimes when we come home from being away all day, we just veg in front of the television for awhile and wait for our vestibular systems to calm their business down. This is also when we decide if we have good attitudes or if we’re going to descend into chaos. As they get older, we all choose chaos less, but it’s always creeping around our perimeters.

“It’s not magic! It’s physics. The speed of the turn is what keeps you upright. It’s like a spinning top.” Says Deborah Bull. Well, F-U Deborah Bull. It *is so* magic! And maybe overscheduling. But mostly magic.

Last week (haven’t posted in a few days on account of the game), we settled in for our electronic meditation time. We were in good, yet tired, spirits. Companionable even. I don’t like the kids watching tons of commercials, so we usually opt for DVRd stuff, or pre-recorded programs.

Not this day! We were letting it all hang out

We were planning to squeeze the Charmin,

Even Bob Dylan can’t help himself.

make the donuts,

This is an actual book cover. It exists. Fresh Hot Glazed Make those donuts! Make them good!

and ponder the burning sensations in our nethers and taints.

I vote “entertainment”. I mean, no one is going to get out of this alive. Death, with or without explosive medical diarrhea, is a certainty.

Drug commercials are some of the most entertaining.

We didn’t wait long before the first meat hook claimed a Beeler victim. Of course it was E, my 6 year old.

“We need one of those Roomba machines!”

I know the kids have been wanting one since they saw it on America’s Funniest Home Videos, or AFV for true fans of the show.

We have cats, the boys have ideas.

It’s a versatile vacuuming robot machine. Also takes on the fight between good and evil.

“What are you talking about? I asked him. “You don’t even vacuum!”

Crickets. Sometimes they punctuate silence.

I continued to fling feces all over his great idea. “I think the person who vacuums should decide if we actually need a robot to help us vacuum.”

So lately I’ve been in a weird place. I’m volunteering my time in excess of what some people give to their full time job. I gave up a leadership role for another of my kids’ activities because I was going crazy with all the demands. No one is happy once mom rounds the bend into insanity!

The descent is particularly dramatic around here, as we all feed off of each other’s energy. So, crazy mom means the kids are regularly hysterical, the cats get needy, Jeff ends up carrying the whole household… Oh, right. He already does carry the whole fricking household. Dishes, laundry, cat vomit. He does it all.

Just like that.

More time for the rest of us to be batshitcrazy. By “us”, I mean “Kim”. It is what it is.

I kind of enjoy that Sarah Palin was the first several hits for “batshitcrazy” on google images.

Enough about him and that, let’s talk about me some more. I’ve been hyper-focused on helping my homeschool co-op find a new space for the fall. It has taken over my home life, though some of that is due to my complete lack of organizational skills. Some of it is due to a perfectionism streak I try to tell myself I don’t have. Some of the occupation is because I am wildly in love with this group and my children both say they can’t live without it.

I’ll do whatever it takes to help make this happen and insure it’s there for my kids. Well, other people’s kids too. Co-op is no fun without friends. I should amend that to read, “I will stop short at prostituting myself on Craigslist.” Everything else is probably okay, or mostly okay.

Nah. Just kidding. Sounds like way too much work.

Now that co-op is straightening itself out though, another group I’m in LURVE with, Chicago Gifted Community Center, is picking up speed again for me. We’re a new non-profit just about to open the doors for membership. I’m on the board. I needed to submit a Bio for the website. I suck and am a big loser. Well, not really, but this is my blog post and I can say whatever I want.

Seriously though, I feel a little intimidated by the women I’m working with. They are all amazing, accomplished, passionate women. They’ve done incredible things with their lives, while also raising their high needs, fabulous kids.

Then there’s me. I skipped a shower this morning, Jeff brought home take-out for dinner, my butt made a permanent crater on the couch today, and I didn’t graduate from college.

I was close, but I got married and moved to California instead. I went back to school for photography a few years ago (OMG, 10), but then I dropped out again and had a baby. I’m a cliche!

A cliche that also cannot multitask. Lots of people finish their degrees while raising families, yo. Some people drop out of school and launch billion dollar corporations from cheap rental apartments.

ZUCKERBERG!!!!!

I mostly got over myself earlier tonight, sent my bio, and found a Photobooth pic that E and I took several months ago. I cropped E out and realized I look possessed in my remaining half of the picture.

The pic is small, so you can’t see my RED GLOWING EYES!!!

Possessed is as good as it gets, since I look like a moose in all the other pictures. All four of them. Apparently I’m in Witness Protection and cannot have people taking my picture. My friend made a Face-in-Hole of me as the Queen of England, and it’s actually one of the few photos of me in existence!

This is one of the few pictures of me in existence.

So, I’m wallowing in self pity here. I have B.O., but no degree. I don’t have a building, bench, or calendar day named after me. I’m disorganized and overscheduled. I don’t have any good pictures. Sigh. I didn’t launch a billion dollar corporation when I dropped out of school.

Maybe I should cut myself some slack. These kids I have are a lot of work. They are always going, going, going…nonstop. Juggling their extensive, discordant needs is exhausting, and I do a pretty good job. I’m not saying great, but pretty good is not bad.

My kids are relatively happy. As long as the older one isn’t in the sun, heat, cold, darkness…and as long as it’s not too noisy or chaotic, either, for him, he’s happy. Oh, and as long as he has access to electronics, books, magazines and, shit, I don’t know. It’s a long list. He’s happy when his needs are met. He has a lot of needs.

N’s most finely developed / over-worked organs.

The younger is happy when all of the opposite is true. He likes to be outside, in the noise, creating the chaos, embracing the bedlam. He does enjoy the electronics, too, but frequently loses his stuff and then pretends he doesn’t care. I admire that.

The spirit of E. This is what I think he looks like on the inside.

What was the point here? Did I have a point? I’m not sure. Maybe my bio is the point? And my happy go-lucky attitude? LOL

Here’s my bio: Kim Beeler has some kids. She’s crazy, volunteers a lot, has B.O., and no college degree. She didn’t make a billion dollars when she dropped out of school.

Just when I was all blah, blah, wah, wah, wahhhh…. I had the most interesting and hopeful conversation with someone at lunch. It was exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it. Read the rest of this entry »

Day Two of the Little League experience! Tomorrow is the first game and these boys are looking great! E is enjoying the extra playground time, though today it wasn’t mobbed with kids like yesterday… We ended the day with Colonial and sundaes. Pictures follow… Read the rest of this entry »

Today was the first day of the 2010 InHome Conference, our local homeschooling conference in St. Charles, IL. Jeff took the day off work to chaperone N and E, and the boys enjoyed an Art Extravaganza, Magic Show, live animal “critter corner” and an awesome Physics show. E had security notified of his presence before we even had a chance to digest our lunch! I’m sure this doesn’t come as much of a shocker to anyone. Read the rest of this entry »

Before his beloved violin teacher could get much further, N jumped in with his thoughts on the matter.

“There are four reasons I was grumpy today. 1) I didn’t get my full time at MRU (homeschool group). 2) I am thirsty. 3) I am hungry. 4) I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Oh, and number 5 is that my thumb felt weird which distracted me and I made mistakes.”

I am shocked he didn’t say something about how we make him sleep in the backyard and hunt for his own food. I’m not sure why his thumb felt weird, though he did complain about it for hours after hitchhiking home from violin.