Mother of transgender child shares her story with book

Saturday

May 24, 2014 at 12:01 AM

Margaret Baker-Street let out a sigh of relief when her child, who at the time was living in Oregon with her ex-husband and his wife, told her she no longer wanted to identify as a girl. She wanted to live life as a boy.

Lori Gilbert

Margaret Baker-Street let out a sigh of relief when her child, who at the time was living in Oregon with her ex-husband and his wife, told her she no longer wanted to identify as a girl. She wanted to live life as a boy.

"I had gotten a call from his doctor, who thought Collin was already down here," Baker-Street said. "So the doctor goes, 'So, I guess you and Bridget had a discussion about something special she wanted to tell you, right?' I go, 'No, no, Bridget's not down here,' and she went, 'Oh, sorry. I've got to go. She'll have that conversation with you."

Panicked, Baker-Street finally had a conversation with the second of her three daughters who informed her she wanted to live as a boy.

"Thank God," was Baker-Street's response. "When a doctor calls you and says your child's going to have a conversation, you're thinking drugs or a pregnancy or something like that."

Not every parent is quite so accepting of the news Baker-Street received. Neither are other kids and the population in general.

In an effort to change that, Baker-Street has written a book titled "Michael and Me," about a child known as Cassie who returns to school the next year as Michael. Michael's friend Brian comes to understand the change with the help of his mother. The book is aimed at non-transgender children from 5-to-7-years old.

The idea for the book formed in November when Baker-Street said she felt "the universe is screaming at me to do something right now."

At the Transgender Day of Remembrance event that month in Stockton, each person was given a biography of a transgender person who had died and was asked to read it aloud in the first person.

"A woman said, "I want to thank you for mentioning my daughter at this memorial, and she burst into tears," Baker-Street said. "I found out her daughter, who was transgender, was murdered in Stockton."

Standing with Collin, 15, who had moved to Lodi in the summer of 2013 and began his sophomore year at Lodi High last fall, Baker-Street realized her greatest fear.

"That's when I knew we were not just fighting for the rights of our transgender children, but we were fighting for their lives," she said.

Soon after, Baker-Street received an email from a woman in Southern California who shared the story of her late transgender son who'd died after being an advocate and leader in the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Questioning (their sexual identity) community.

Within days, Baker-Street began writing her book. She self-published it through a branch of Random House, which provided the illustrator and covers. It was released in March on Amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. Baker-Street hopes to provide free copies of it to local libraries and schools.

Beverly Hine, in collection development at Cesar Chavez Library, said inclusion of it there is not a matter of content. The criteria for placing a book includes reviews in library or publishing trade literature.

"We prefer a review outside of the library," Hine said.

Marketing the book wasn't foremost in her mind when Baker-Street began writing.

"I think my main drive was, 'How do we start the conversation early with kids so that they know that transgender people have the same values, the same wants and the same needs as they do?' " Baker-Street said. "And, it's so important for us as human beings to be able to affirm our gender and to live authentically. Also, if you're a mom and you've had no exposure to the LGBTQ community and your child comes home from school, like Brian does in the book, and says, 'Mom, Cassie was a girl last year and now teacher's calling her Michael and she looks just like a boy, what's going on? How do you explain that to your child in terms that they're going to understand?"

It's an issue she's dealt with since receiving that phone call from Collin.

Always a tomboy, Collin finally determined he was not meant to be a girl and made his announcement to family after finishing eighth grade in Beaver Creek, Ore., where he lived with his nonsupportive dad. When he arrived in California before his sophomore year of high school he told his new counselor: "I identify as a boy and my name is Collin."

The counselor handled the situation well, Collin said, and he's had few problems at Lodi High.

"A lot of people accepted me from day one," Collin Baker said. "I found another transgender in the library. ... She introduced me to the Gay-Straight Alliance at school. Mostly it's been a regular school year. At some points, I have to defend my gender. Also, even though (California State Assembly Bill) 1266 is in effect, it's very hard to use the men's bathroom., because you hear all these horror stories about transgender kids using men's bathrooms getting beat up. So, I talked to the counselor about that, and so I use the nurse's office bathroom."

Baker-Street, who works as a life counselor, advises parents of transgenders that their "role is support and unconditional love. That child you gave birth to on their first day of life is still that same child and deserves your love and support."

Collin's sister, Shannon, 14, was not fazed by the change.

"Collin's always been Tomboy," Shannon said. "When he came out as transgender to me, it wasn't really a big change. Now, he dresses as a boy, has his hair cut as a boy. It wasn't that big of a change. I had to call him Collin, of course. That's still hard for me."

Sometimes family members use the wrong pronoun, but that's out of habit, not disrespect.

Baker-Street flies the rainbow flag in her heart. She helped form the local chapter of Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays and now has written a book to educate others.

"We see it more and more, these discussions at a young age," said Nicholas Hatten, director of the Stockton Pride Center. "To have a tool that families can use, to have an aid at that level they can understand is huge for the whole family."

In a week when he heard from the families of two young transgender teens who'd been bullied, one in Tracy and one in Lodi, Hatten said the notion of a book, written locally "is inspiring to me."