Saturday, September 1, 2012

R’lyeh, South Pacific (NPN) – Potential presidential candidate Cthulhu
has made it official: he has decided not to run as a third party
“greater of evils” option in this year’s U.S. Presidential race.

The Dread god is sitting this one out.

“I just don’t see the point,” a somber Cthulhu said. “I mean, my
platform has always been the total and utter destruction and
subjugation of the human race, starting with the United States. But this
year, there is already a candidate who can help accomplish these
things.”

Cthulhu worries that running for president could jeopardize the Obama
campaign by stealing votes from the misanthropic and nihilist segments
of the Democrat base, which are sizable, but not enough to win an
election on.

“The worst thing that can happen here, is that people select the
lesser of evils, Mitt Romney. I just can’t be party to that, when I am
such an outspoken proponent of the greater of evils in an election.”
said Cthulhu, while eating one of our reporters. “Mmm nom nom, um, if
Obama keeps up what he is doing, *burrrrrp*, then I could take the
election in 2016, and the United States will be so broken by then, it
will be child’s play to finish the work I intend to do.”

In other news, while it was speculated that General Zod would also enter the race again,
very little has been heard out of his camp. Zod himself was unavailable
for comment when asked about it, but a spokesperson did respond to
NPN’s inquest.

“The General has not made a decision on whether he will run this
year, or, more likely, simply take over the world.” said the Zod
spokesperson. “Kneel before Zod.”

Slaughterfeeds

Slaughtertime

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be."
Debt = bad. Merit = good.

Slaughtermail

Slaughter Caesar

"...liberty is apt to be infected with a spirit of narrow and illiberal distrust."

We are immersed in your world, and our intentions are not pure, we are the postmodern technocracy, existence as you know it is over, your life as it has been is over, we will add your
biological and technological distinctiveness to our own, from this time forward you will service us. Resistance is
futile.

Slaughterlegal

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