Among my permanent duties relating to my role of wife, mother, daughter, sister, and Orkin customer, for the past two weeks I’ve been filming my upcoming cooking show on the ranch. Today marks fourteen full days of cooking, cooking, cooking, cooking, cooking, eating…and cooking. Tomorrow, the last of the crew packs up and leaves and we all get back to our lives. My fingernails, kitchen, and diet are wrecked for life.

Here’s what’s funny: the only two-week window of time we could possibly film the cooking show just happened to fall into the same two-week window of time that the ranch was the absolute busiest in terms of working cattle.

Here’s what’s also funny: this cooking show isn’t just going to be a cooking show. It’s going to be a cooking show with slices of our life on the ranch–and Charlie, help us all–thrown in.

(Photo by Richard Heely.)

Neither of those is necessarily funny in itself. What’s funny is that because “slices of life on the ranch” obviously involve my husband and the four beautiful and spirited children we created, all six of us have been an integral part of this cooking show experience while also negotiating the daily grind of getting up at 4:00-4:30 am, rounding up either cattle or cooking implements (depending on which of the six family members you happen to be), and working until everyone’s covered in either a two-inch-thick layer of dust or butter (depending on which of the six family members you happen to be), all the while negotiating the reality that the one person in our household who’s even remotely qualified to keep everyone’s clothes clean (or not clean, if we’re needing to reshoot a scene that we were supposed to shoot the day before, just after they stopped working cattle, but couldn’t because of the weather; I’m not organizationally qualified for this) and sorted…couldn’t, because she was busy cooking multiple passes of the same chicken dish while at the same time trying to figure out how to keep her misanthropic cowlick at bay because she wanted to do her own hair and makeup.

Two weeks without my cowlick: it’s all I wanted. Is this too much to ask?

I have a lot of behind-the-scenes photos and stories to share in the next couple of weeks and, especially, once the show airs. I think it might be fun to compare what we wind up seeing on screen with what was really going on in the periphery of the shoot. Like when Charlie used my bare, unpedicured feet as a pillow as I made pizza for the camera.

He licked my big toe. It broke my concentration.

But that’s another story for another time.

I have a little trivia question/contest below. But first, here are a few glimpses of the activity over the past two weeks:

The work of the ranch continued even through the busy filming schedule.

It’s amazing how unfazed cowboys are by television cameras.

There should be more documentaries about cowboys. They don’t even see the cameras. They only see the cattle they’re supposed to take care of.

And that’s the way it should be.

The crew has been out-of-this-world wonderful. We’ll be friends forever.

The Lodge living room made a pretty handy office. I wanted to install cubicles, but they don’t offer any choices that fit in with our rustic theme.

There was a maze of equipment…

Everywhere.

The Lodge, by the way, was not designed for this kind of electrical load. Things had to be done at the pole, whatever that means. Things like routing ampules and refiguring the transmission lines and adjusting voltage. Whatever that means.

Anyway, I did all the work myself. I’m handy like that.

Not.

A mudroom makes a very fine pantry. Did you know that?

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t pointing cameras at you.

This experience has been, from a creative standpoint, extremely interesting. Just being able to see the unbelievable amount of work and detail that’s involved in making a TV show–and a cooking show at that–has been such a blast.

But the days have been very, very long…and I’m eager to catch up on sleep, housework, gardening…

And cartoons. My baby and I have a date on the couch this weekend. There are some important marathons coming up.

But first, I’m going to get on the Stairmaster for approximately ninety years. I’ve cooked and eaten so much food in the past fourteen days, I’ve forgotten what normal eating habits are supposed to look like. Eating roast beef at 8:30 in the morning and pancakes at 9:00 at night tends to skew one’s perspective.

Which brings me to the fun part.

POP QUIZ!

Answer this question:

How many pounds of butter have I gone through in the past fourteen days of the shoot?

Three players who guess the closest to the right answer (huh?) win a $100 gift card from Amazon.com.

Go ahead! Make a wild guess.

And in closing: thank you for being patient with me over the past two weeks. As awesome an experience as this has been, I wish I’d had more time to write and post photos. I’ve been busy before–hello? I’ve given birth four times–but these past two weeks have topped them all. I’ve never been so busy that I actually had to eat my Grape Nuts while I showered.

Okay, so it hasn’t gone that far. I only had to eat them in the bathtub.

Julie On Tuesday, June 14 at 8:04 am

Andrea On Tuesday, June 14 at 8:04 am

I’m going to go with 115.5 pounds. I’m probably low, but kind of hoping I’m way high, for your sake. I started with a much lower number, but realized that if you were making multiple full-sized dishes of the same thing for butter-heavy foods, you’ve got to have gone through A LOT. Also I’m hoping there are some great desserts as a part of this show.