Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“Teacher's Pet ”

Episode 5, Part 1

by

Bard

Editor

Bleu Gato

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is copyright 20th Century Fox Film Corporation . All original content of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is copyrighted by the author and is not to be used or modified without permission. All rights reserved.

The room has seen better days and the showcased, severe disinterest in housekeeping is not helping. The furniture is mismatched discards; the general rule has anything that has little value in and anything sellable gone. It makes for a depressing sight.

Jessica sits on the torn sofa, feet up on the coffee table, working a six pack of disgustingly cheap beer. The old, beat up TV with rabbit ears is tuned to celebrity news. She wears a worn, dirty blue robe and her feet are bare. Jessica really has let herself go and appears not to care. She turns her head a small degree as Xander enters the room.

Xander is wearing the Doublemeat Palace uniform and has a plastic bag - with its prominent logo - in his hand. He walks over to the coffee table and sets the food next to the beer and his mother's naked feet. Jessica ignores Xander and tries to look around him when he blocks her view.

Xander, standing there and deliberately annoying her, cheerfully

XANDER

Welcome to the lifestyles of the poor and on welfare. Where is your worse half?

Jessica, taking enjoyment in the words, spitefully

JESSICA

In the basement, looking for things to pawn.

Xander, sarcastically

XANDER

Thanks for not stopping him. Love you too, mom.

Jessica drains the last of the alcohol and throws the empty can at him, which Xander dodges. She sets her feet on the floor and goes digging in the bag. She comes up with fries and starts to mechanically eat them.

Xander is still obstructing her view of the idiot box, trying to get her to acknowledge his presence. He will take what he can get.

Jessica, wishing her son would disappear already, irritated

JESSICA

Watching TV. Eating.

Xander shakes his head and leaves the room, heading for the dilapidated kitchen.

CUT TO:

INT. XANDER'S HOUSE – BASEMENT – EVENING

The upstairs is a palace compared to this dump. Some dirty bed sheets have been hanged from the ceiling to carve out a living space. Worn and severely beat up small couch disgorges its stuffing through numerous openings. Bed is a mattress thrown in the corner. Table with three legs, the other made up of piled junk, two chairs, and a wardrobe without doors complete the devastation.

Anthony is busy digging among the clothes in the last. It is hard to tell what exactly was disturbed by his search around the room, given that chaos is its normal state of being. He stops and turns to look at the basement door when it opens.

Xander walks down the creaking stairs and drops his hat and phone on the table by habit. He trudges to the bed and sits down on it heavily.

Xander, tired

XANDER

There is no money, dad.

Anthony does not listen, having spotted his score already.

Anthony, rushing to the table and grabbing the expensive phone, spitting

Xander, knowing it is hopeless but trying to reason with his father, calmly

XANDER

I need it for school.

Anthony, pocketing his prize, openly scornful

ANTHONY

You hang out with that religious freak Willow and think you are better than us? That you will go on to college? That you will leave this town? Ha!

Anthony strides and stops right in front of Xander, who sits on the mattress, downcast.

Anthony, ripping into his son, cruelly

ANTHONY

You are a Harris. You don't have the brains, hands, or luck to make anything of yourself. Disappointment and government check are the only certain things in your life. You think you are nothing like me? You are a fool. This is yours, this Harris legacy. We don't make good, we don't win, and we don't get breaks. School? Hah! Suspension should have opened your eyes. Make the extended hours at the Doublemeat Palace permanent; drop out before they throw you out. At least you will be useful to us.

Pause.

Anthony, lifting Xander's head by the chin, firmly

ANTHONY

The world shits and it always lands on us; don't ever forget that, boy.

With that last bit of questionable fatherly wisdom, he departs. Xander sits there, resigned to his fate as Anthony climbs up the stairs.

Xander, watching his father's receding back, gloomily

XANDER

Welcome to my life. I will take an order of drunk and drunker, crappy part-time job, and supersize the Harris legacy.

FADE OUT:

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INTRODUCTION

On the screen, various images of Buffy and the Scooby Gang appear and a voice reads the passage.

BUFFY VOICE-OVER

Into every generation she is born; one girl in the entire world, a Chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and the skill to fight against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers. She is the Slayer.

CUT TO:

INT. BUFFY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM – EVENING

Buffy sits at a desk, busy with homework. There is a knock and few seconds later Joyce enters with a plate and a glass of milk as a peace offering/reward.

Joyce, brightly

JOYCE

Curfew is lifted and I got cookies!

Buff, looking at the mother, drolly

BUFFY

Why warden, you shouldn't have.

Joyce, beaming

JOYCE

Parole for good behavior.

Joyce walks over to the Buffy and sets the food on the surface. Mother and daughter both reach out and take one chocolate chip cookie each.

Joyce, pleased

JOYCE

Principal Flutie called: your grades are up and attendance is improving. I think the message got thru.

BUFFY

I think not.

Buffy demolishes the cookie in two bites and chases it down with milk, before starting to systematically wolf down the rest. Used to teenager drama, Joyce waits patiently, giving her daughter time to explain.

Buffy, between finishing bites, honestly

BUFFY

Mom, I sneak out every night and Willow tutors me.

JOYCE

Oh … that's great.

BUFFY

Please. She is an honor student and the brain of Sunnydale High. You gave her no chance, forming an opinion based on hearsay. FYI, Xander took a fall for me.

Pause.

Buffy, turning away from Joyce, accusingly, hurt

BUFFY

You really have no clue.

Joyce stands there for a few seconds and then goes over and hugs Buffy from behind.

JOYCE

I'm sorry, honey. I love you.

Buffy mumbles something under her breath and Joyce smiles, catching the sentiment if not the words.

After a moment, Joyce breaks contact and steps back. Turning, she leaves the room, only to stop at the door.

Joyce, deciding

JOYCE

Invite Willow to dinner Sat.

Buffy, quickly

BUFFY

And Xander.

Joyce, grimacing

JOYCE

Both your friends are welcome.

Buffy, making it a point to look directly at her mother, smiling

BUFFY

Thanks mom; you the best.

The smile Joyce returns is forced but there.

CUT TO:

EXT. WILLOW'S HOUSE – FRONT STEPS – LATE EVENING

Buffy approaches the front entrance to find Willow sitting on the stairs, waiting for her. The security lights keep the area well lit. Willow has a small crossbow in her lap and bounds to her feet when Buffy gets close.

Buffy, bowing

BUFFY

Got the text summons, your Royalness. Armed and patrolling, are we tonight?

Willow, striking a modeling pose with her crossbow, in deeper tone that usual

WILLOW

Giles special – what every girl needs in her purse for personal protection.

Buffy, importantly

BUFFY

Remember, it's not all bikinis and weapons; crossbow control is hitting the vampire you aiming at.

WILLOW

Toned, beach babes with guns on my bedroom walls would be some kind of statement. Not sure what kind.

Buffy, lightly

BUFFY

To each her own hunk?

Willow, motioning for them to start walking, quipping

WILLOW

That. And hunkette.

They head out, side by side.

Buffy, puzzled by armed Willow out and about after curfew, confused

BUFFY

Say, how come you free ranging?

Willow, smiling

WILLOW

Your mom is the coolest; parentals like her. I'm off the naughty list and you can stay as often as you like. I'm nice.

Buffy, her mind digesting the news, responding automatically

BUFFY

Yes, that you are.

Pause.

Buffy, focusing on the potential negative, worried

BUFFY

Did they tell her about us?

Willow, unable to hide the shakiness in her voice, quietly

WILLOW

Is there us?

Buff, emphasizing the words, firmly

BUFFY

Us friends.

Willow pouts.

Buffy, clocking frequent martyr miles, with an air of great sacrifice

BUFFY

Fine; for everyone else I am your girl strictly-friend. With them I am your girlfriend if it gets you a pardon. There will be no thinking, having, or giving of benefits. We are friends without benefits.

Willow laughs.

Willow, outwardly showing she is okay with it, teasing

WILLOW

Aw, but that's the best part, Buffy.

Buffy increases the distance between them.

Willow, undaunted, sliding closer to Buffy and making puppy eyes at her, charming

WILLOW

They want you to attend service this Sun. And speak with Father Luke afterword. Pretty please with unicorns?

Buffy, already defeated, making a token objection without her heart in it, weakly

BUFFY

Willow, it's getting complicated with them benefits.

WILLOW

Stop torturing the metaphor – it's dead, Jim.

Pause.

WILLOW

Buffy, it's important to me. Besides, Slayer and with the killing and maiming; it would not hurt to have a connection with the big guy upstairs.

Buffy, allowing, grudgingly

BUFFY

Faith is good.

They walk in comfortable silence for a short while; Buffy keeps a watchful eye for trouble.

Willow, out of the blue

WILLOW

Buffy, where is your dad?

BUFFY

Warning, Warning! Topic, Willow Robinson!

WILLOW

And they call me nerd.

BUFFY

I bluff your geek cred and call.

Pause.

Buffy, unhappy

BUFFY

Daddy dearest is off in Europe with a young bimbo of the week.

WILLOW

That committed?

Buffy, shrugging

BUFFY

I deal.

Willow, quietly

WILLOW

You don't have to alone.

BUFFY

I have mom, you, Giles, and Xander.

WILLOW

You do.

Willow reaches out and takes Buffy's left hand, squeezing it. Buffy does not object and they continue hand in hand.

Buffy, mischievously

BUFFY

Now that I have your sympathy, did I mention store gift cards, preloaded with guilt and oh, cash?

Willow, troubled

WILLOW

Buffy, I don't think that's a good idea.

BUFFY

Afraid of being color coordinated?

Willow, going with the first thought that pops into her head, blurting

WILLOW

I don't want to feel obligated to put out.

Pause.

Willow, mortified, panicking and starting to escape

WILLOW

Oh, my God! I did not say that! Bad, bad Willow!

Buffy traps Willow's hand in hers, forcing her to face, instead of avoiding, the outburst's consequences. Turns out there are none.

Buffy, amused

BUFFY

No, that was good. When we met you barely flirted and now you are channeling vixen. Trust me, Willow: you will find that girl, your one, and break plenty of hearts along the way.

Willow, with marked lack of enthusiasm

WILLOW

Yay me.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUNNYDALE – CEMETERY - NIGHT

Giles is demonstrating the use of repeating crossbow to Xander, while they wait by a fresh grave. On the ground is a large bag.

Custom Watchers' Council design, scope optional, semi-auto, no need to nock past initial crank, repeating action loads the next bolt; don't run out of ammo, don't let them get close.

Xander, changed from his work clothes, eagerly takes the weapon and starts examining it. Giles retrieves another one from the bag and returns to Xander. He gets in a shooting stance and Xander imitates him. Rather poorly.

Giles, going thru the steps slowly, showing proper technique and form

GILES

Disengage the safety, keep it steady, aim by lining up the sights, remember breath control, and … squeeze the trigger.

The bolt is released and it hits a tree trunk right in the middle, fifty yards away. Xander whistles, impressed; his own shot fired few seconds later misses completely, wide to the left. Unconcerned, he pulls the trigger repeatedly and empties the magazine with additional shots. Out of five, only one hits - at the edge of the trunk, chipping bark and ricocheting off. Xander appears unfazed by his horrid inaccuracy.

Giles, setting Xander straight, dead serious

GILES

The average vampire will cover that distance in three-four seconds, easily halving the fastest human. You miss too many times and you won't miss again. Last chance.

Xander swallows, the feeling of this being a game leaving him in a hurry. To his credit, he stands tall.

XANDER

I won't abandon Willow and Buffy. Harris legacy be damned; I'm in.

Giles quickly aims and fires another, next to the one already there.

Giles, having made his point to Xander, somberly

GILES

To them, it's a hunt, a game; to us, it's survival, kill or be killed. Welcome to the bloody menu.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. SUNNYDALE – CEMETERY - NIGHT

The tree is sporting lots of little branches. The fact that Xander has closed the distance to twenty yards helps immensely. At that range, he has no trouble putting bolt after bolt into the trunk. Having emptied the latest magazine, he stops defacing nature to reload.

Buffy and Willow pick that moment to arrive, wisely from a different direction than Xander is aiming towards. Hand in hand they walk up to Giles. Xander notices his friends approaching and makes for Giles as well.

The Slayer and the witch get there first. Without a word, he takes Willow's portable crossbow and hands her his repeating one, made of composites and exuding exotic. Willow's eyes light up and she gets carried away. She imitates the action movies by holding the repeating crossbow sideways with one hand, the weapon held far away from her body, at arm's length.

Willow, proudly

WILLOW

I am dangerous!

Xander, indulging and mocking at once

XANDER

Yes, you are.

Pause.

Xander, to Buffy yet directed at Willow, teasing the latter

XANDER

Buffy, why is she dangerous with us?

BUFFY

Doctors recommend fear as part of wholesome and balanced diet.

Giles, jumping in, with a straight face

GILES

I get my daily requirement driving to school on the wrong side of the road.

Xander, honestly

XANDER

A lot of things scare me yet I always laugh at fear. Then, when it is busy laughing at me, I run away.

Willow, shuddering, quietly

WILLOW

Frogs.

Everyone looks at Willow expectantly but there is no further divulgence.

Buffy, stepping into the resulting silence, confidently

BUFFY

I can like top all that. Two words: bed hair.

Giles, to no one, musing out loud

GILES

The tragedy of being a young Narcissus.

BUFFY

Hey! That better not be a roundabout, librarian way of making a crack about my love life.

GILES

Perish the thought. Really; I don't want to know.

There is a howling in the distance, but it does not sound like a dog or wolf. More human. Or rather: human-like.

Xander, looking around, uneasy

XANDER

So … danger.

In the background, a VAMPIRE #1 starts sneaking towards Willow.

Willow, moving closer to Buffy, nervous

WILLOW

Suddenly I don't feel so good. Or dangerous. More like a not so good, diet snack, the light travesty of the delicious yet dangerous combination of sugar, fat, and salt. I am the no fat, zero calories version of dangerous Willow. Why, oh why, can't I taste good?

BUFFY

The places I could take that last sentence.

XANDER

Way ahead of you.

GILES

Don't; just don't.

Willow, raising her weapon, pointedly

WILLOW

Hello? I am armed.

VAMPIRE #1 growls and rushes the group, thinking they will scatter and then he can have his pick of Willow. In response, Willow jumps and screams. Whirling around as everyone ducks, she flicks the safety and presses the trigger until it clicks empty. The VAMPIRE becomes an instant pincushion, then dust.

Buffy, lusting openly at the repeating crossbow, reaching out

BUFFY

Ooh, shiny! I want one of those. Gimme!

Giles, slapping Buffy's hand, sternly

GILES

And I quoth from the book of Buffy: Slayer, fist, face.

Buffy, grumbling

BUFFY

Three cheers for short Slayer lifespan, because by college graduation I will be senile from the head trauma.

Giles reaches under his collar with one hand and pulls out an aged, ornate silver cross, secured to his neck with a thick chain of same metal. He lets it hang free on his chest and looks expectantly at the others.

Buffy and Xander have nothing to show. Willow trumps Giles, upstaging him in quantity but not quality, with twin, matching necklaces, topped by a small cross each. Once they are out and free, she lays the crossbow on the ground. Unexpected as the display is, it is merely a prelude to an action far more surprising.

In an uncharacteristic act of daring, Willows steps in front of Buffy. Not looking her in the eyes, focused only on Buffy's neck, she sweeps the Slayer's hair back, off the shoulders. Then, reaching back with both hands, Willow unlocks the clasp and takes one necklace off. Throughout, Buffy remains still, not objecting or resisting.

Sensing where this is heading, Giles finds fascinating gravestone details around him to occupy his interest. Not Xander. He stares openly, a small smile tugging on his lips.

With unsteady hands, Willow puts the necklace around Buffy's neck and fumbles with the catch. It takes a few attempts but she finally gets it. Satisfied, Willow steps back and admires her work.

WILLOW'S POV

We begin with the neck and the chain. We slowly drift lower, to the cross and its resting place … in Buffy's cleavage.

BACK TO SCENE

With embarrassing squeak, Willow jerks her eyes away from the forbidden fruit. She takes a few hasty steps back, trips, and lands on her butt. And Buffy is there, picking her up and hugging her.

Buffy, being a friend, gratefully and reassuringly

BUFFY

Thank you, it's lovely.

Xander joins Giles in admiring the cemetery, giving the two women privacy.

Willow does not respond, just buries her face in Buffy's shoulder and stays there, happy to remain close as long as Buffy will let her.

CUT TO:

INT. CEMETERY – CRYPT - NIGHT

VAMPIRE # 2 barges inside, flinging the heavy, wrought iron door open. Inside, facing the entrance, are five more VAMPIRES. A WOMAN stands in front of the group and turns towards VAMPIRE #2 with speed and grace that mark her as one as well. And more.

VAMPIRE #2, urgently

VAMPIRE #2

Darla!

Darla, grabbing him by the throat and lifting him up easily, snarling

DARLA

I see you are alone and your hands are empty.

Darla slams VAMPIRE #2 into the crypt wall, sending plaster and dust into the air.

Darla, demanding

DARLA

Why is that?

VAMPIRE #2, trying to weasel out of trouble, lamely blaming others for his failure

VAMPIRE #2

It was not my fault! There is a group in the cemetery that knows about us. They fight back and have crossbows.

Howls sound around them and Buffy raises a hand, showing five fingers, followed by two. Seven versus four.

Willow, trembling, terrified

WILLOW

Dear God, we are going to die.

XANDER

My bowels hoisted the white flag; full evacuation is not far behind.

Pause.

Xander, wondering

XANDER

Did I say that out loud?

Moving in sync, both Willow and Giles step away from Xander.

Giles, trying to rally the troops and boost morale, dramatically

GILES

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'

Was there a man dismay'd?

Not tho' the soldiers knew

Some one had blunder'd:

Theirs not to make reply,

Theirs not to reason why,

Theirs but to do and die:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

The poetic inspiration fails to achieve the desired effect.

Xander, morosely

XANDER

Game. Over.

Willow hugs herself with one arm and shakes, clutching the crossbow tightly.

Buffy, sarcastically

BUFFY

Way to not inspire, O Great Leader.

Darla, continuing from a different location, taunting

DARLA VOICE-OVER

Darla had a human snack,

Its fleece was red as blood.

Trying a different tactic, Buffy takes out two stakes, one in each hand.

Xander, Buffy's action having the desired outcome, perks up

XANDER

That's new, Buff Maul.

BUFFY

You so got tool envy.

XANDER

I certainly do not. Just because it is longer and larger than mine and you have two of them … I will shut up now.

Abruptly, six VAMPIRES attack Giles, Xander, and Willow. The VAMPIRES sprint in zigzag, sacrificing speed for survivability. VAMPIRE #2, leading the charge, is dusted by Giles; VAMPIRE #3 follows him into oblivion. The other four make it thru the barrage punctured but whole. One each rounds on Willow and Giles, and the two female ones go after Xander.

Buffy is unable to help them; Darla is in her face inhumanly fast, even for a vampire. They trade kicks and punches to a draw as the situation behind Buffy quickly grows desperate.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUNNYDALE – CEMETERY - NIGHT

Giles throws holy water at VAMPIRE #4, buying a few seconds. He drops the crossbow and draws a short sword. Fighting defensively, he holds VAMPIRE #4 at bay.

Beside him, the crossbow is knocked out of Xander's hands and VAMPIRE #5 and VAMPIRE #6 drag him away, ignoring his spirited yet predictably futile resistance. His punches and kicks don't do anything and they slap him in return, toying with him. Giles, although close, is helpless to stop the abduction.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUNNYDALE – CEMETERY - NIGHT

Willow loses her weapon; VAMPIRE #7 rips it out of her hands. He nonchalantly pulls out a bolt embedded in his body and loads it.

VAMPIRE #7, pointing the crossbow at Willow, casually

VAMPIRE #7

Be a good little snack and pick a limb; any limb.

Willow, screeching

WILLOW

BUFFY!!!

VAMPIRE #7, aiming at inner right thigh, with disdain

VAMPIRE #7

No? You are a hypocrite.

VAMPIRE #7 closes the distance and presses the barrel into the femoral artery palpation point, on the edge of Willow's groin. His other goes around her waist, trapping her in place. Willow whimpers and freezes.

VAMPIRE #7, leaning into Willow's face, hungry

VAMPIRE #7

Think I can hit the femoral? I sure do. I practice, you know. They say the neck is intimate – I enjoy far sweeter cup.

Willow faints and slumps in VAMPIRE #7's hold. Chuckling, VAMPIRE #7 drops her and takes a bead on Giles, busy not dying and desperately trying to keep it that way. Giles' trying is about to end.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUNNYDALE – CEMETERY – NIGHT

Willow, in the background, screeching

WILLOW

BUFFY!!!

Buffy risks a glance and a roundhouse kick sends her into the gravestone, pulverizing it.

Darla does not press her advantage, clearly playing with temporarily stunned Buffy.

DARLA

And everywhere that Slayer went,

Slayer went, Slayer went,

And everywhere that Slayer went,

Darla was sure to go.

Recovered, Buffy rolls away and as she comes up she immediately seeks out Willow.

The roar that comes out of Buffy shocks everyone. One of the stakes in her hand flies like a missile and takes VAMPIRE #7 in the back. VAMPIRE #7 poofs out of existence; his crossbow hits the ground shortly after, luckily without discharging the bolt.

Buffy, rounding on Darla, feral

BUFFY

Big Bad Slayer says: hello lamb chops.

Darla hisses and throws a straight. Buffy catches Darla's arm, spins with the motion, and slams Darla into the dirt. She follows it up with an elbow drop, cracking ribs. She puts the wooden stake in her teeth. Before Darla can recover, Buffy mounts and swarms her with elbows and punches, ground and pounding her into pulp.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUNNYDALE – CEMETERY – NIGHT

The moment VAMPIRE #7 is dust, before the particles even hit the ground, Willow's eyes spring open. She dives for the crossbow but her sudden reversal of fortune does not go unnoticed.

VAMPIRE #4 leaves Giles and explodes at Willow, all fangs, claws, and murderous intent. It happens so fast that Willow barely has time to raise the barrel and fire from a kneeling position.

One second from oncoming death, she fires point blank. Instead of contact with a solid body, Willow is pelted and enveloped in dust. She inhales a fair amount of the cloud. Tossing the crossbow, she stands up. Choking and coughing, she tries to remove the dust which blinds and stings her eyes and steals her breath.

Willow, brushing self and spitting profusely, highly distraught

WILLOW

Ewww! I taste dead people! Ack!

Then Giles is there with a sound of flask opening and the lip is on her lips; the fire enters Willow's mouth and burrows into her core, melting down her throat. He manages to get a fair amount in, before she stops him.

Willow, pushing away the drink, shuddering

WILLOW

That stuff is vile! Blah! Gah!

And it hits Willow how close she came to death. The roller coaster of emotion is too much and she flies into Giles, crying and clutching fiercely. He stands there like a statue, looking lost. One arm is out, holding a flask. The other wavers for a spell and then comes to delicately pat Willow on the back.

Giles, extremely uncomfortable

GILES

There, there, stiff upper lip, chap.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUNNYDALE – CEMETERY – NIGHT

The beating that would kill a normal human does not do the job on Darla. Bloodied and battered, she growls and bucks, flinging Buffy into the air and creating space. Clawed hand swipes thru the air and rakes Slayer's throat, leaving four deep, weeping gashes. It does not puncture the carotid or jugular but it is close and only the inhuman reflexes save Buffy from fatal throat cutting. She releases the stake and grabs it in right hand as the second swipe gouges her abdomen. Darla is not a youngling or a fledging; she is old and powerful. This fight needs to end now, Buffy thinks.

The Slayer brings the stake down and incredibly, Darla's hand is there to stop it. The wood goes thru Darla's left hand and is stopped above her heart. Darla's right hand goes over Buffy's. The vampire effectively traps the stake in her body.

Darla follows it up with an attack, snapping her teeth at Buffy, trying to mangle Buffy's fingers. Buffy shits to a crouch, squatting over Darla; she then stands up, deadlifting the vampire. She slams Darla into the ground, again and again, trying to weaken her enough to finish the job. It does not appear to be happening, Darla is simply too strong and her grip unrelenting.

Suddenly, on conclusion of yet another raise and flatten combo, Darla gets her legs under Buffy and sends her flying. Buffy lands on her back and immediately does a hands free kip-up, back on her feet. Darla is already up. The vampire hisses at the Slayer and takes off, swiftly disappearing into the darkness.

Buffy looks around the battlefield and her breath catches when she finds Willow and Giles in a strange embrace, both evidently fine. Then she sweeps her eyes again, searching for the one friend who is missing.

Buffy, feeling a sinking sensation in her stomach

BUFFY

Oh no, they got Xander!

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

EXT. WILLOW'S HOUSE – STREET – NIGHT

Giles pulls to the curb of the house next door, cuts the engine, and turns off the lights. Buffy and Willow get out of the back seats and move to the driver's window. Buffy, wearing a white turtleneck, moves stiffly, no doubt in pain. Willow has the same clothes she left with. Both women wear their crosses on the outside. The two of them look like they went a few rounds and much worse for it. Of course, Willow's parents are apt to draw an entirely different conclusion as to the cause.

We will get Xander back. In the entire history of the Watchers' Council, every single Slayer and Watcher was brought back, regardless the cost in money or lives. It is one guarantee in a life devoid of them: you are coming home. Xander is one of us, if not in name then in spirit. I called when you were being patched up; tactical strike team is on standby in LA. Help is coming, Buffy.

Willow, worried sick

WILLOW

And if they fail?

Giles, softly, with utter conviction

GILES

They don't; to the last man and woman, Willow. It is why we fight. It is why I believe. Victoria aut mors.

Pause.

Giles, letting down his guard, reverently

GILES

Deep in the English countryside, watched, warded, and loved, is a place of honor and peace. There are no names, titles, or parting sentiments on the gravestones, only the dates of birth and death. Thousands upon thousands sleep among the trees and grass. There is a notation made for entry into service and one for passing. No cemetery records are kept of location and name. We fight as one, we rest as one. Our faith: Slayer above all, all same below.

Buffy, misty eyed, deeply touched

BUFFY

Thank you.

Willow goes for nonverbal, reaching in and hugging Giles thru the window.

CUT TO:

INT. WILLOW'S HOUSE – FOYER – NIGHT

The key turns in the lock and the door swings open. Two figures steps inside and it closes. Not seeing anyone, Buffy and Willow, shoes in hand, furtively make for the stairs. Unfortunately, the fact that this is not their day continues to be proven true.

There are yawns, shuffle of feet, and two very sleepy parents emerge from the living room. Ira and Sheila are in their pajamas and they don't look happy. Willow and Buffy's disheveled and dirty appearance makes things worse. Ira opens his mouth to start the lecture when his eyes register the twin crosses. In an instant, his expression changes to one of joy and his wife is right behind him.

Buffy is visibly spooked by the shifting moods.

Ira, to Buffy, shaking her hand, beaming

IRA

Congratulations, Buffy.

Sheila, hugging astonished Buffy, tearfully ecstatic

SHEILA

I am happy for you, Bunny.

Buffy, going with it, completely clueless

BUFFY

… Thanks?

Willow snatches Buffy by the hand and practically drags her upstairs as her proud parents watch. The teenagers go up the stairs and vanish down the hallway, followed by the door opening and closing.

Alone, Ira and Sheila take out their crosses. The pair is a matching set, identical in detail, and symbolizes their union. Just like the two that Willow wore, one of which she placed on Buffy.

Ira draws Sheila into his arms; she brings them closer yet with hers. They kiss tenderly and their crosses touch.

CUT TO:

INT. WILLOW'S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

The second Buffy and Willow enter the room is the second Buffy turns on Willow.

Buffy, boring into Willow with her eyes, demanding

BUFFY

What was that?!

Willow, squirming under Buffy's gaze, settling for avoidance

WILLOW

Ha, funny that.

Buffy, sharper than she intended

BUFFY

You are going to tell me.

Buffy knows she pushed too far when Willow jerks as if struck. She looks like a puppy that got kicked. It isn't long before the waterworks start.

Willow, bawling

WILLOW

I … I can't.

Buffy, kicking herself, hugging Willow and offering back rubs

BUFFY

Sorry, I made messy Willow again. I am a bad friend. Bad Buffy!

Willow, blubbering dying down to be replaced by stream of another kind

WILLOW

No, you are great … better than great … great to infinite … really great …

Buffy stops the flood of babble by tenderly wiping Willow's tears.

Buffy, indulging her friend

BUFFY

Shh, I get the point. Now get in the bathroom and make yourself presentable. I am not sleeping with cold, mucous, weeping Willow. I want warm, cuddly, dry Willow.

WILLOW

Really?

BUFFY

I'm for cuddly; really big on cuddly.

Willow runs into the bathroom and the shower comes on.

Buffy goes to the dresser and starts digging thru it. She finds pajamas with watermelons on them and examines them critically. She is interrupted by Willow, gone only a few moments. Willow is wrapped in a large, fluffy towel, wears a partially open robe over that, bunny slippers, shower cap, and looks sheepish.

Buffy, pointedly

BUFFY

There better not be a wardrobe malfunction. Though with that many layers, could take a while.

Willow, starting innocently, ending not so

WILLOW

Forgot PJs. Unless you want me …?

Buffy, quickly

BUFFY

Dressed.

WILLOW

I could …

Buffy, extending the hand with watermelon pajamas in it, smartly

BUFFY

Flirting improving. Chances with me: not. Get your PJs, Missy.

Chastised, Willow closes the robe, ties it secure, and then bolts, forgetting the PJs.

Buffy, warmly

BUFFY

Willow …

Willow stops in the door to the bathroom, Buffy's tone arresting her. She does not turn.

BUFFY

You did it wrong and you did it right; temptress not stripper. I would wear only the robe, panties, no belt, and then let the cleavage show accidently. At least that is what I would want the boy to think. Works on a girl, I should think, too.

Willow spins around, clearly interested in the advice.

WILLOW

Ooh. You … experienced?

BUFFY

Few boyfriends; goods are intact. There was kissage.

WILLOW

That's good … with the goods … and them being good.

BUFFY

You can say virginity, Willow.

Willow turns red, squawks, and escapes to the bathroom. Few seconds pass and the door opens a crack and a hand sticks out.

Buffy, teasing, in deeper register

BUFFY

Show off that naked arm, baby!

Willow, embarrassed, huffing

WILLOW

Buffy!

Laughing, Buffy hands Willow her PJs and they disappear along with Willow's hand. Buffy is not surprised when the door opens slightly again and Willow flaunts off her bare leg to above the knee, clad, of course, in a bunny slipper. Perfect modest touch and so like Willow, Buffy thinks.

Buffy whistles and claps.

CUT TO:

INT. WILLOW'S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Buffy is excavating the drawer for PJ treasure. In the background, the closet door opens and Mouse struts out, his tail high in the air. It closes behind him.

Buffy, aware but ignoring, lost in pondering the mysteries of Willow's PJs

BUFFY

Hmm, apple. My tingly is atingle; I sense a pattern, Dr. Watson.

Mouse, sleazy

MOUSE

We can take care of that.

BUFFY

Hello pig.

MOUSE

Cat. Willow knows who she is and who she wants. What about you?

Buffy, instantly

BUFFY

Angel.

MOUSE

Was he there tonight?

Buffy, frowning

BUFFY

No, but … wait, how did you know?

MOUSE

Willow was there.

Buffy, sighing

BUFFY

Unfortunately, yes. I nearly got her killed.

Pause.

BUFFY

Where is Xander?

MOUSE

Angel is at Whips.

BUFFY

A who?

Mouse, smirking

MOUSE

A what. Vampire brothel.

BUFFY

You hate Willow. Why do you want us together?

The pen lifts on the desk and an invisible hand writes on the piece of paper.

MOUSE

There are easier ways than street corner to make a living on your back. Drugs a part of the payment for those that want and many prostitutes sure do – it's the best option in Sunnydale. The vamps love the blood and the choice chemicals in it. Some like all three at once; triples their pleasure. And then there is the house special. You will like the house special. It's, how you kids say it, totally special.

The pen is released and dropped; the piece of paper floats to Buffy and she catches it.

BUFFY'S POV

The paper Buffy holds in her hand has the name, Whips, and the street address in the seedier section of Sunnydale.

BACK TO SCENE

Buffy, after reading the note, frowning

BUFFY

Why would Angel go there?

Mouse, cryptically

MOUSE

Everyone eats forbidden fruit; most lie about it. Are you a liar, Buffy?

The bedroom window slides open and Mouse exits Willow's house.

CUT TO:

INT. WILLOW'S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Buffy comes out of the bathroom in apple PJs. She turns the table lamp off and stops after noticing her space is already occupied. Wordlessly, Willow slides to her side of the bed and Buffy climbs into the warm space she left behind. They lie on their backs, staring at the ceiling.

Willow starts and they are off to the races, rapidly throwing out random thoughts and worries from the past day. It is a sort of a mutual purge without judgment.

WILLOW

Vampire Xander.

BUFFY

Angel in a brothel.

WILLOW

Near death experience.

BUFFY

Failed Xander.

WILLOW

Witchcraft.

BUFFY

Don't trust Mouse.

WILLOW

Wigging.

BUFFY

Thanks for the hot water bottle.

Willow, giggling

WILLOW

Glad we had this talk.

BUFFY

Night, Willow.

WILLOW

Night, Buffy.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUNNYDALE – WHIPS' ROOF – FRI/NIGHT

A huge neon sign spells out “WHIPS”. It is currently dead, just like the establishment's customers. From under the H, a figure emerges, crawling out.

Angel stands up and stretches. He passes rusty relics of AC units and goes to the metal access door. He uses a torsion tool and pick gun on the lock to quickly gain entrance inside. Angel disappears inside and the door closes behind him with a click.

MAN, appearing on the empty roof, pleased

MAN

The guests are arriving. It will be a hell of a party; or Hell. Either way, I win.

CUT TO:

INT. SUNNYDALE – WHIPS' CELLAR – NIGHT

Dingy, flickering light bulbs reveal a sizable space. One side has stacked oak barrels in a single row. The metal hoops binding the staves are not normal; they are iron and have symbols carved on them. The dimensions are wrong: the casks are elongated while maintaining the standard circumference of their type. There are cells along the opposite wall, lidded by a dozen heavy, reinforced doors. The room appears a combination wine cellar and prison.

There are two egresses to outside, whatever that is. One is a large, metal sliding door and the other, a sturdy wooden construction. It is the latter than opens and Darla comes in, dragging Xander. She makes her way to one of the cells and opens it. Inside the tiny space are a metal bucket and a pile of blankets. Xander is unceremoniously escorted inside and shoved onto them. Darla vamps and Xander backpedals into the corner.

Darla makes a slurping noise and advances towards Xander.

Darla, delighted

DARLA

I could just drink you up, boy.

Xander, unable to help himself, cynical

XANDER

And here dad said I never amount to anything.

This earns him a rake with a sharp nail, cutting his face. Xander cringes, but does nothing, not wanting to provoke Darla further.

Darla, scooping the blood with her finger and sniffing it

DARLA

You will make a fine vintage. Darla knows her grapes.

Xander, freaked out

XANDER

Um, exactly what are we talking about here? Normal sucking, undying or something worse?

Darla, licking her finger languidly, seductively

DARLA

The agony of selection, the joy of stalking, the rush of the pounce, and the orgasm of the penetration – you think, it should not feel this good.

Darla, one second standing, next pinning Xander to the wall, growling in his face

DARLA

It does.

Darla licks the wound and Xander can't keep the scream from bubbling out.

DARLA

Anticipation, boy.

The words barely born, Darla departs in a blur of motion; the door slams shut behind the vampire, leaving the cell in deep shadows.

Xander, raising a trembling hand to his cheek and feeling the dripping blood mixed with running tears, angry at Darla, him weakness, and life