Knock Down Drag Out Fight

Monday, January 21, 2013

My morning started out as usual. I woke up at 4:30. Got out of the bed at 5:00. The first thing I have to do every morning is crank up my computer. This was a usual morning so I sat at my computer.

Along came this guy who calls himself my friend. He is the one that ensures I carry out everything on the computer before I make breakfast or get dressed. I normally tell everyone that I live alone because I don't want anyone to know that this guy lives with me. I have tried desperately to keep him hidden from my adult children. One of my grandsons (he is only 10) knows about the guy. I digress.

After about 2 hours I had completed what I wanted to do on the computer. I got up to make my break. It had gotten late so I decided to eat breakfast before I shower. This guy yells at me "sit down." He said there were other things that I needed to do before leaving the computer. I complied and sat back down at the computer and did some trivial things that no one care about.

After a while a thought popped into my head 'why am I following orders from this guy?' I don't even like him. I want him away from me. I attempted to leave the computer again. He yelled at me again to "sit down." I yelled back 'I have other thing to do.' I began to feel anxiety and stress because of this guy. I had decided that I was going to go on and do what I needed to get my day started.

He began yelling obscenities at me. I said this is my living space and you can leave anytime you want. As a matter of fact I would like for you to leave now. He looked at me as if I had spoken a foreign language. My stress and anxiety was still building out of control.

I went to the living room and started laughing as if I was crazy. He asked me what I was doing. I remarked that I was chanting to get rid of him. I said it is not laughter. It is chanting. He didn't like what I was doing so he packed up his things and went out the door. I won this time. The unfortunate thing is that I have gotten rid of him before, but he keep coming back.

This guy whose name is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (I call him OCD) actually lives inside of my head. Most times I am too weak, mentally, to fight him off, but I did today. I called my new psychiatrist's nurse--we wound up playing phone tag. I left a detailed message about what was going on. I explained that OCD had moved into my home and would not leave on his own. Since OCD actually stops me from doing my work, I am probably going to have to add another pill to the hundreds I already have. Oh well if it keeps OCD away from me it will be worth it.

I feel laughter coming on again. I love to laugh because it helps me control all of my mental issues.

I can relate with you. I have OCD too, ugh! I just wish I could click the disconnect button, but I can't seem to find it! I will keep trying, in the mean time I will just have to live with this and try to deal with the best I can muster up! Onward the fight goes on, we just have to try and never give up, ever! Hang in there, you are not alone with this.