So, if you didn't already know, The View is on vacation all through August and Oprah and Tyra are in reruns too. I mean, I still watch the shows everyday as a form of methadone for my addiction, but I'm really missing the incomparable high of new episodes. Particularly, my days are a little darker without B. Dub and her daily, graphic, pre-noon sex talks. Seriously, leave it to the 77-year-old to put the "hot" in "hot topics." So I assembled a sexed up clip of the best of Babs gab. And after the jump, I recommend sex toys for all The View ladies.

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As you know, I love to rock... Kidding! But for real, as you know, I love to watch daytime TV, but I also love to have sex and masturbate. (But who doesn't?) Anyway, since B. Dub is always going on about sex, sex, sex, I thought I'd combine my two fave indoor activities and recommend some sex toys to The View co-hosts based on their personalities. First up, the head honcho:

Barbara Walters

Babs is something of a confirmed bachelorette, as she's thrice divorced and doesn't like when men spend the night after she bangs them. Seeing as how she's a sexually active older woman with a busy career, so she needs a multi-functioning, time-saving device that will work to strengthen her vaginal muscles—which will help her have better orgasms and bladder control—as well as stimulate her G-spot. Might I suggest Betty's Vaginal Barbell, designed by sexologist Betty Dodson?

Joy Behar

So we know that Joy has been living in unwedded bliss with Steve for 25 years, and she said that they still have sex sometimes. Good for you, Joy! Here's a couples vibe. The girl wears it like a jock strap, so it's resting on her vadge while the guy is all up in there with his peen.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Oh, you know I'm gonna have fun with this one. At first I wanted to suggest some big black cock dildos, or this PC trio:

But then I thought that since she doesn't really like the idea of a separation between church and state, she surely wouldn't like the idea of separation between church and sex. So I suggest she replace that stick up her ass with this: A baby Jesus butt plug.