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When we saw Mavel's first look at the "Angela" variant cover for Guardians of the Galaxy #5, we were prepared to post an an article mocking Marvel's continued sexualization of female comic book characters, which both alienates female readers and perpetuates the stereotype that comic books are primarily for horny twelve year old boys. However, before we could put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard in this case, we looked more closely at the credits and saw that the cover is drawn by renowned Italian artist Milo Minara, which makes things much more complicated. We consulted the rulebook and found that, while exploitive depiction of women on comic book covers is frowned upon, the European tradition of making the comic book equivalent of Skinemax softcore porn flicks is celebrated because it shows how Americans are prudish eunuchs.

The rulebook also states that the cover passes the sexism test because "Milo Manara art is in good taste, no matter what," and because "we're biased towards Marvel", both of which are probably true as well.

With that in mind, we've decided to just stay out of this one. We'll get you, comic book industry! Next time!

*pounds metal fist on console*

Here's the press release:

ANGELA Hits Her Mark On Milo Manara’s Variant Cover To GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #5!

She’s one of the biggest new characters to debut in the Marvel Universe and today Marvel is proud to unveil your first look at Milo Manara’s jaw dropping variant cover toGuardians of The Galaxy #5, featuring ANGELA! Starting this July, Neil Gaiman teams with blockbuster writer Brian Michael Bendis and fan favorite artist Sara Pichelli to take the angelic bounty hunter to the outer limits of the Marvel Universe in an all new arc starting in Guardians Of The Galaxy #5! Alongside Star-Lord, Iron Man, Rocket Raccoon, Drax, Gamora & Groot – Angela must help the Guardians take down threats putting the galaxy at risk, showing why she’s one of the most feared women in the Marvel Universe!

The arrival of Angela to the Marvel Universe marks one of the most important moments in comics history! With a major player like the fearless warrior making her presence known – no fan can miss how her debut impacts the Marvel Universe and beyond! So what are you waiting for, reserve your copy of the Guardians Of the Galaxy #5 Angela Variant today!

For more on Angela & Guardians Of The Galaxy, stay tuned to Marvel.com for more info!

Americans are all a bunch of prudish eunuchs. Mr. Minara invests the essence of his being into his art just like Paolo Eleuteri Serpieri who has dedicated his life to exploring the feminine. Take Mr Minara's now classic "X-Women" production. He understood the inner psyches of the women, who comprise the X-men superhero team, whereas prudish Americans just saw the women of X-men making out in a pond and groping each other as they tried to climb vines, which Mr. Minara ingeniously depicted as a giant foaming penises green with gangrene.

TimH wrote:Americans are all a bunch of prudish eunuchs. Mr. Minara invests the essence of his being into his art just like Paolo Eleuteri Serpieri who has dedicated his life to exploring the feminine. Take Mr Minara's now classic "X-Women" production. He understood the inner psyches of the women, who comprise the X-men superhero team, whereas prudish Americans just saw the women of X-men making out in a pond and groping each other as they tried to climb vines, which Mr. Minara ingeniously depicted as a giant foaming penises green with gangrene.

"Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols.""Oh, the pointing again! They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?""Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?"""Timey" what? "Timey wimey"?"

IvCNuB4 wrote:The Old Doctor is Cat-Scratch ?Well that explains a lot :lol:

That is one lame cover. Manara is a better artist then that and honestly... it's just lame. It's... it's... DC Comics.

"Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols.""Oh, the pointing again! They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?""Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?"""Timey" what? "Timey wimey"?"

IvCNuB4 wrote:The Old Doctor is Cat-Scratch ?Well that explains a lot :lol:

"Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols.""Oh, the pointing again! They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?""Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?"""Timey" what? "Timey wimey"?"

IvCNuB4 wrote:The Old Doctor is Cat-Scratch ?Well that explains a lot :lol: