So about them zombies...

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We all know that it's going to happen eventually, the zombies breaking loose and unleashing all hell in a very awesome fashion. Everyone is on their way to the Mall of America here in Minnesota, as we will turning it into a fortress by barricading the bottom doors and breaking the upper entry ways, leaving only when needed (Think about it, the place is a goddamn fortress.). Everyone has two weeks to get there before restocking their supplies. Assume that you are within two weeks of the location, as in, if you live further away, you're near on holiday. So, the main thing is, what to bring to survive during that two weeks time? First, the rules.

1. Ammunition for weapons is a moot point, assume that you have enough.

2. Food and water is also a moot point, as you had the foresight to stockpile it in your nuclear fallout shelter.

3. Nothing too big or overpowered i.e., you can't say you brought a tank with you or a teleportation device, or anything of that crazy sort, we will get to crazy weapons in a moment.

Now, here's the template for what you need to bring.

1. Pick two main weapons, one hand-to-hand, one ranged:

2. Pick two sidearms, can be whatever weapon, hand to hand or ranged:

3. Pick the way that you're getting to the location:

4. Pick one person to take with you and why:

5. Pick five *b/dl items that you're bringing. (One diaper counts as one thing, a package of diapers counts and one thing. Therefore, packages of diapers=better to bring):

6. Pick a crazy, unrealistic weapon to bring. Only rule: You must be able to hold it in two hands i.e. a crossbow that shoots flaming chainsaws or something of the sort:

7. Describe your awesome zombie hunting outfit, get as detailed as you want:

My choices?
1. A katana and HK G-36 assult rifle
2. Colt Python revolver and a trench knife
3. The Volkswagon type 2 minibus
4. My friend Bo, as his zombie hunting skills are beyond epictastical
5. Two packs of Goodnites, a paci, a bottle, and my stuffed kitty.
6. Chainsaw-Nunchucks
7: All black outfit, complete with combat boots. Shoulder holster for my sidearms. Black leather trench coat, belt to hold the katana at my side. Some form of mask to cover the lower half of my face, and my cat ears just because I can.

If you're wondering about the location, I got the MoA idea from my zombie club at an anime con. And think about it, with the upper level entryways cut off, the lower door barricaded, the zombies couldn't get through.

We all know that it's going to happen eventually, the zombies breaking loose and unleashing all hell in a very awesome fashion. Everyone is on their way to the Mall of America here in Minnesota, as we will turning it into a fortress by barricading the bottom doors and breaking the upper entry ways, leaving only when needed (Think about it, the place is a goddamn fortress.). Everyone has two weeks to get there before restocking their supplies. Assume that you are within two weeks of the location, as in, if you live further away, you're near on holiday. So, the main thing is, what to bring to survive during that two weeks time? First, the rules.

1. Ammunition for weapons is a moot point, assume that you have enough.

2. Food and water is also a moot point, as you had the foresight to stockpile it in your nuclear fallout shelter.

3. Nothing too big or overpowered i.e., you can't say you brought a tank with you or a teleportation device, or anything of that crazy sort, we will get to crazy weapons in a moment.

Now, here's the template for what you need to bring.

1. Pick two main weapons, one hand-to-hand, one ranged:

2. Pick two sidearms, can be whatever weapon, hand to hand or ranged:

3. Pick the way that you're getting to the location:

4. Pick one person to take with you and why:

5. Pick five *b/dl items that you're bringing. (One diaper counts as one thing, a package of diapers counts and one thing. Therefore, packages of diapers=better to bring):

6. Pick a crazy, unrealistic weapon to bring. Only rule: You must be able to hold it in two hands i.e. a crossbow that shoots flaming chainsaws or something of the sort:

7. Describe your awesome zombie hunting outfit, get as detailed as you want:

My choices?
1. A katana and HK G-36 assult rifle
2. Colt Python revolver and a trench knife
3. The Volkswagon type 2 minibus
4. My friend Bo, as his zombie hunting skills are beyond epictastical5. Two packs of Goodnites, a paci, a bottle, and my stuffed kitty.
6. Chainsaw-Nunchucks
7: All black outfit, complete with combat boots. Shoulder holster for my sidearms. Black leather trench coat, belt to hold the katana at my side. Some form of mask to cover the lower half of my face, and my cat ears just because I can.

If you're wondering about the location, I got the MoA idea from my zombie club at an anime con. And think about it, with the upper level entryways cut off, the lower door barricaded, the zombies couldn't get through.

Wow, I never thought Id see another Zombies survivalist on this - or any other - site. Have you been to OZORT or ZS? They pretty much know everything on the subject. BTW, you wont be able to cut a zombies head off, nunchucks and chainsaws are going to get you killed, a car will get stuck in the immense, unmoving traffic, and your going to want to go to the Sticks, cause less people = less undead. And, yes, I know he kind of explained this, I just want to make sure you dont actually do that crazy shit.

For as much as it would be fun to go to the Mall of America to hold off a zombie invasion, I'm afraid that I would have to pass. I would rather not be in a place full of people who I barely know, all trying to survive. If one of them gets infected, then the rest likely will too, and I don't want to need to be wasting my bullets on former friends in my "safe haven." My zombie invasion motto is to keep moving, keep going into more remote, open places -- places where I can keep an eye out all around me and know when something is coming, places where I can get the high-ground and be the first to find a path back to the low when it's time to move again. Gettysburg, Pennsylvania -- on the old battlefields -- is a wonderful place. The terrain is torturous and easy to slow up any mindless, wandering zombies. As long as you get there early enough to traverse it first, you could likely be safe. But enough of that. Let's get to the list.

1. Pick two main weapons, one hand-to-hand, one ranged: My main hand-to-hand weapon would be an aluminum baseball bat. I want something commonly found (so I can find another one if I lose the first), something easily replaceable, and something that won't hurt my heart to lose. I want it to be a bludgeoning weapon so I don't spray blood around needlessly, for fear of spreading infection. My second weapon would be my Remington double-barrel twelve gauge. The simpler the gun, the better -- less room for malfunction. Shotguns are point-and-click, and the barrel is long to keep hungry hands away from me. Other reasoning is that, if two shotgun shells don't do a job well enough for me to have plenty of time to reload, I should probably fall back onto one of my other weapons.

2. Pick two sidearms, can be whatever weapon, hand to hand or ranged: My two Colt .38s. Their caliber is considerably common, can accept .357 as well as native .38 rounds. The advantage to that is that abandoned homes might have a greater chance of having the ammo I need to replenish. Also, just like with the shotgun, the mechanics are simple -- keep it clean and functioning, and it'll never break down. New guns have too many parts, too many pieces that could go bad, jam, screw up. If I needed to, I could clear a round from these babies without a hassle, and I've had years of shooting experience with them.

3. Pick the way that you're getting to the location: By foot, and car only if I'm on even terrain across areas with a long viewing distance. If I have to choose a car, I'll choose old cars -- more reliable structure and body, easier to hotwire, and they statistically have greater chance of having keys hidden in them or under the fenders. Why? Because nice, fresh new cars, people get anal about -- they don't want to chance getting them stolen. Old cars, people don't give much of a shit about, or they're driven by old people, who forget their keys in dumbshit places. Plus, the ignition-key mechanics are more succeptable to getting duped with a makeshift key-like object.

4. Pick one person to take with you and why: My brother. He's a zombie-killing genius, and a dead-eye with an axe.

5. Pick five *b/dl items that you're bringing. (One diaper counts as one thing, a package of diapers counts and one thing. Therefore, packages of diapers=better to bring): None. Why waste my precious carrying room? I could be storing more weapons there, or bandages, or whatever else. The only reason I might bring a diaper or two would be for soaking up blood.

6. Pick a crazy, unrealistic weapon to bring. Only rule: You must be able to hold it in two hands i.e. a crossbow that shoots flaming chainsaws or something of the sort: A hammer, and that's it. Why? Hammers work well in a pinch. I can bash brains with it, claw out eyes and damage brains with it. I can break into homes with it if I need a safe-house for even just a few minutes. Hell, I can set off a shotgun shell (preferably in a zombie's mouth, if the need arises) without a shotgun by just striking it with the hammer. It's a good all-around object. Crazy enough for me!

7. Describe your awesome zombie hunting outfit, get as detailed as you want: Fashion wouldn't be an issue. Utility would.

1) Tight, TIGHT Jeans-- The tighter, the better, same with the shirt. Having loose clothing is a death-wish -- you want something that zombies can't crab onto to drag you into their masses. I would, however, cut the knees out to allow for maximum mobility and flexibility, and I'd likely wear a pair of warm-up pants underneath them to deflect any kind of external fluids (such as blood).

2) Combat boots-- Comfy, protective, and they can store any various implements you might need to hide away in a pinch. Always keep a boot-knife handy -- never know when you'll need to cut away your clothes or someone else's.

3) A skin-tight Underarmor top-- Sucks my sweat and blood away from my body, keeps other people's blood out. If I had the access to it, I'd wear a chainmail shirt over it to make it more difficult for zombies to bite through. Of course, they'd get through it in a matter of seconds, but it might offer me a few moments of time to get out of the predicament should one occur.

4) A jacket with a tall collar, when accessible-- The taller the collar, the better. It keeps blood from squirting into my mouth in high-combat situations, and it also prevents my throat from being immediately torn out if I got caught too close to a zombie's mouth. A medical mouth-cover will also work well.

6) A rubber mouth-guard-- It keeps your teeth from jacking around on your ass, but it also keeps blood out of your mouth. Even if your mouth is open, there's less room for it to go in, and you can easily spit it out and replace it.

A few other things I'd bring:
1) A first-aid kit, of course.
2) A generic lock-picker's kit.
3) Skateboarding knee-pads and elbow-pads, for heavy, safe bashing in case you get too up close and personal.
4) Water.
5) A gun-cleaning kit, complete with screwdriver.
6) Duct-tape. Cover up those fresh stitches or small wounds, boys -- don't do something stupid like get zombie-blood splattered in a wound.

I think I would adopt the typical British attitude on how to cope with any such scenario as seen in the excellent Shaun of the Dead - head to the pub and hope things will work themselves out from there.

With that in mind:

1. Pick two main weapons, one hand-to-hand, one ranged:Erm, a snooker cue in case there aren't enough in the pub and a set of darts for the same reason.

2. Pick two sidearms, can be whatever weapon, hand to hand or ranged:Sidearms? Would a hip flask to provide cheap chasers count?
3. Pick the way that you're getting to the location:Pub's only five minutes away so I'd take my chances and walk. That or jumping over garden fences.

4. Pick one person to take with you and why:My mate, Ziff. He's really good at music trivia and that always comes in handy in the quiz they do every Wednesday.

5. Pick five *b/dl items that you're bringing. (One diaper counts as one thing, a package of diapers counts and one thing. Therefore, packages of diapers=better to bring):
Don't think that would go down too well at my local. I'll pass.

6. Pick a crazy, unrealistic weapon to bring. Only rule: You must be able to hold it in two hands i.e. a crossbow that shoots flaming chainsaws or something of the sort:A pitcher that never runs out of beer.

7. Describe your awesome zombie hunting outfit, get as detailed as you want:Eh, jeans and a shirt? It's only the pub.

There we are. Job's a good 'un. Not only would we ride out the zombie invasion while everyone else is making a great big target of themselves in some American shopping centre, we would have an excellent two weeks surviving soley on beer and peanuts, which, on some level, is every man's dream anyway.

This has got to be the best reason to bring anybody along to do anything that I have ever heard. I laughed for at least five minutes out loud. I don't know why -- the combination of the words and thought was perfect! That made my whole day! Thanks, Jaiden!

Grain farming machine. You know, the one with all of the rotating blades in the front? only modified so that all the blades are sharper and the remains are simply spewed out (like a wood chipper) and the thing moves at a moderately fast pace, like 40 mph

4. Pick one person to take with you and why:

Chuck Norris. I do not need a why.

5. Pick five *b/dl items that you're bringing. (One diaper counts as one thing, a package of diapers counts and one thing. Therefore, packages of diapers=better to bring):

Fully stocked diaper bag, plushie, footed pjs, onesies, blankie.

6. Pick a crazy, unrealistic weapon to bring. Only rule: You must be able to hold it in two hands i.e. a crossbow that shoots flaming chainsaws or something of the sort:

10 gigawatt shoulder mounted laser driven by nuclear fusion reactor worn on back. The device is capable of vaporizing any zombies in the path of the beam, and is capable of firing continuously thanks to it's Liquid nitrogen superconductor cooling system.

7. Describe your awesome zombie hunting outfit, get as detailed as you want:

Steel toed boots, cargo pants, and hoodie sweater. All of this is, of course, underneath lightwieght High strength industrial grade titanium dynamic plate armor and the armor has parts of it with circular saws in place where zombie are likely to cling on, such as the back, arms and legs.

Secret

Guest

A crowbar (I do it Gordan Freeman style)2. Pick two sidearms, can be whatever weapon, hand to hand or ranged

Glock 17

IMI Isreali UZI
3. Pick the way that you're getting to the location:
My sweet ride its a SWAT truck, bullet proof and exsplosive proof and most definitely zombie proof.

4. Pick one person to take with you and why:

I would take my dog and my best friend because me and him PWN in paintball so with real guns a zombie would be no match for us I guess.
5. Pick five *b/dl items that you're bringing. (One diaper counts as one thing, a package of diapers counts and one thing. Therefore, packages of diapers=better to bring): o
Maybe my paci and blankie, but I wouldnt bring anything else instead I would make room for a radio transmiter so I could find other survivors and we could band together and PWN the zombies. And also to make room for my dog. Besides I when I go pilaging for items in the zombie infested towns I can get diapers and such.6. Pick a crazy, unrealistic weapon to bring. Only rule: You must be able to hold it in twhands i.e. a crossbow that shoots flaming chainsaws or something of the sort:

A napalm shooting flamethrower, napalm is VERY sticky so just about every zombie is screwed.7. Describe your awesome zombie hunting outfit, get as detailed as you want:This is the German Version of the SAS, but this is what it would look like if me and my friend where out killin zombies minus the flamethrower.

we had one of these on the old forum, where a member here made me think and gave me some advice's! if a real zombie outbreak would happen we need to think as real as possible so Im gonna try and do that this time for fun!

. Pick two main weapons, one hand-to-hand, one ranged:
A machete and a rifle wich has alot of ammunition. the best one you can find in the stores wich isnt all to heavy

2. Pick two sidearms, can be whatever weapon, hand to hand or ranged:
some gun with alot of ammunition and something where you can cut of heads or hit the brain easily with like some axe or a hammer
3. Pick the way that you're getting to the location:
Im going to try and get some big car and try and drive on roads where no one else would drive on
4. Pick one person to take with you and why:
either my best friend or a girl inchase we would be the last living ones so we can repopulate mankind
5. Pick five *b/dl items that you're bringing. (One diaper counts as one thing, a package of diapers counts and one thing. Therefore, packages of diapers=better to bring):
a pack of diapers and a NUK 5 pacifier
6. Pick a crazy, unrealistic weapon to bring. Only rule: You must be able to hold it in two hands i.e. a crossbow that shoots flaming chainsaws or something of the sort:
a big chainsaw wich would be somehow very easy to swing with and not all to heavy
7. Describe your awesome zombie hunting outfit, get as detailed as you want:
a suit like batman's improved in the dark knight so inchase a zombie bites me maybe on the arm, I would not get infected!

Are you that guy who watches movies and says, "That couldn't possibly happen, because of ______ and _____!"

Anything is possible, and because of all of the "fantastic" things that have happened to the human race -- both outstandingly good and horribly bad -- we owe it to ourselves to never discredit anything due to scientific or logical means.

Besides, regardless of this thread being intended all in good fun, what you did was 1) serve up a nice pan of buzzkill for people who had been enjoying reading the lists, 2) cement the perception that you're unable to take a bit of conjecture-based humor or suspend your disbelief, and 3) show that you will be the first person who will probably get his shit rocked out in the event of a zombie invasion!