Week 160 – A Challenge, Bastardising Stories For Films And CGI Porn.

Firstly I need to thank Nik for giving me the challenge of seeing how much pish I can come up with in short notice! (You know I’m only kidding pal, being put to task by the Welsh is something us Scots are sadly used to!!)

I have a very relevant topic this week and that’s because I’ve finally seen the new version of ‘It’.

I need to explain that the book is probably the best thing I’ve ever read.

Connoisseurs of anything are as snobbish as fuck. Your favourite is YOUR favourite. What you love is what YOU love and there should never be any argument as no-one can tell you that you are wrong.

I’ve always thought that certain affluent drinkers are snobbish because most of them can’t understand that you love White Horse, Lambrusco or Fusilier rather than a 1967 Aberlour, Château Lafite Rothschild or Sapporo.

And for foodies, well I love a bit of foie gras as much as the next man, but a tuna, egg mayonnaise and tomato sauce sandwich also gets my saliva pumping. (That is the only time I use that word in that context. Unfortunately, we refer to ‘pumping’ as a slang term for having sex and I think that it is awful.)

I don’t give a fuck if you would say that either Steenbeck, Shakyspear, Urwell or Dusteeffskie is your favourite, I like King. (Although Herbert is my favourite overall!!)

Back to ‘It’. The thing that I’ve admired most about adaptations of Stephen King’s books is that they are true to the book. The original two-part TV series was closer than this abomination. I hated it that much that I started taking notes and vowed to judge anyone who enjoyed it. (The film that is, which was ‘It’ so why I felt the need to explain that, is, well just shite.)

I don’t understand why there was any need to change the characters. The guy who had the knowledge was changed from Mike to Ben. Beverley was more ridiculed for being a slut than being poor and Stan would never have failed at anything academical.

There was no mention of the kids having talents. That is bad enough, but the whole crux of the book was about their singular belief that they could deter ‘It’ by facing their insecurities and fears. And as a unit they knew they could defeat ‘It’.

The float reference was all wrong. The killing of Bowers was a total change as, in the original, he was blamed for all the murders and his hair had turned white. If he is brought back in the next film, that would be in proportion with Flash Gordon in every episode of the 1950’s TV series.

I love films but am saddened that most of them are now exchanging story for special effects and promotional toys. I’ve watched so many where the end, which is normally a fight scene, goes on for ever. You just know that some wee nerdy SF person is getting an erection whenever they see a new CGI. And lets be honest even our teenagers are not watching organic porn!!

I blame Christopher Reeves. Maybe if he hadn’t been so enthusiastic about ‘Superman’ we would have had more ‘On Golden Pond.’

If Mr Lucas had thought of a remake of ‘Sleuth’ with no more hi-tech than a recliner, sure, we would have missed out on one good film but been saved the next eleven piles of special effects pish!!

I just think if the scenery doesn’t move, it shouldn’t be brilliant. Keep the stories true and if you are going to adapt them into a film make sure the dialogue means more that any potential merchandising!!

OK onto this weeks stories.

We had two old hands, two new folks, who we extend all welcomes and good wishes to and me.

Our topics this week include grooming, a colourful take on a myth, a hole, a mission and a slice of life story.

As always, our initial comments follow.

Our first new author began the week. We hope that we see more from Will Hearn. ‘Superstitious Whispers‘ was published on Monday.

‘I do like the choice of a simple situation as a backdrop.’

‘The atmosphere is very well done.’

‘The final scene where they all just sit on the couch without any dialogue was a good, believable way to end.

There’s no introduction needed for the wonderfully brilliant Fred Foote. On Tuesday he had his short story, ‘Hey Girl‘ showcased.

‘I love Fred’s ‘Bible In The Hood’ stories.’

‘I was captivated by the flow of this.’

‘Fred. Legend.’

I was next up with ‘Twelve Days‘ This was inspired by an advert for CAMHS. It was very touching but not everything about any service is.

As always, I thank my fellow editors for all their help and encouragement.

‘Between Sleeps‘ was next up on Thursday. This was the début of Salvatore Difalco. We hope that both him and Will have fun on the site.

Welcome back. I hope all is well. Just curious, are there really people over there like the fiends in Trainspotting? Anyway, I wish someone would do King’s “The Stand” for film. Do it in three parts the same way Rings Trilogy was done. There’s a made for TV version. No good. Flagg had a mullet.

Hi Leila,
Everything is as good as it can be!
I see that you are asking about characters like ‘Begbie’.
Welsh has taken what and who he has known and magnified them. We do have our fair share of nutters but they are normally selective. In the local and district pubs there are those folks you wouldn’t go near, but in turn, they also know who not to annoy.
Random nutterness does happen but a lot of times these twats are selective. They know who they can bully and manipulate and stick with them. I honestly don’t think it is a nationality thing, I reckon everywhere is the same.
That is why I am not racist. I know that an arsehole is an arsehole no matter where they come from.
Watch the first five minutes of ‘Filth’ and that is the most hysterical, brutal and poetic depiction of being Scottish. (Welsh is fearless and perceptive beyond limits.)
I agree about ‘The Stand’, the book was brilliant. The adaptation not so much so. The mullet was unforgivable but I did like his cowboy boots!
Talking about bad adaptations, ‘Bag Of Bones’ wasn’t that great. But the book was harrowing.
I may have a look at ‘Geralds Game’ That was another novel that I enjoyed.
As always, thanks for your interest and input. It makes all this worth while.
All the very best.
Hugh

Thanks Hugh, appropriate as usual. Based on your sentiments I’ll give the new ‘It” a miss, regardless of all the ‘toil’ that went in to make ‘It’.
This was a subdued week for me having to contend with deep snow and early morning travel, on foot.
I laughed at your mention of ‘organic porn,’ I visualised the allotment group engaged in ritual activities in their sheds with their weirdly shaped vegetables, the ones they push for sale on anyone in the belief that naturally grown stuff is free from poisonous pesticides. Maybe, but ground carrot root coffee is just not to my taste.
I digress.

Hi James,
Thanks my friend, I always look forward to reading your thoughts.
The worst of it (See what I did there?) is, when the next film is released I’ll wait for it to be on DVD and then I’ll watch it…Just to moan, I’m sure you will understand!! (It’s our hobby!)
Your comments made me think that I could have taken this further. Organic porn with your weirdly shaped vegetables. Do you think that a naked Esther Rantzen would make the allotments group vegetables weird??
I shouldn’t slag her off, we all watched ‘That’s Life’. Well that was until ‘Soap’ was aired on STV!!
I actually read a very sad quote. After the death of Desmond Morris, she said, ‘I have plenty of friends to do things with but I have nobody to do nothing with.’
Great to see you around.
Stay well my friend.
Hugh