Funny biology jokes, puns and one liners You don't like plant jokes? What stomata with you! Don't worry though, because these biology puns rock.

Biology fun! Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes.

If I go to jail, my nickname will be mitochondria so I'm the power house of the cell

The barman says "That'll be 80p (ATP) please!"

What do you call the leader of a biology gang? The nucleus

One plant says to another, “Are you hungry?” The other replies, “I could use a light snack.”

A fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effects. Apparently he was ambidextrose.

What is the study of real estate? Homology

What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.

Where do they send the criminal neurons? To the chain ganglion.

Have you gone through a shredder because you look like fine particulate matter.

What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.

How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.

Two blood cells met and married, but alas it was all in vein.

How do you tell the gender of a person? You pull their genes down.

What do DNA helicase and perverts have in common? They both want to unzip your genes.

I was grading exams, and a student referred to the components of a two hybrid screen as "bait" and "pray." There may be some truth to that!

What’s the study of real estate? Homology.

What’s a pirate’s favorite amino acid? Arrrrrr-ginine.

What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.

Why do monocytes get all the girls? Because they're Mac daddies!

By the end of this lab, you'll all have taken a likin' to lichen and be best buds with yeast.

What do you do when your protein breaks down? Call the mRNA.

“Today,” said the professor, “I will be lecturing about the liver and spleen.” Up in the gallery, one med student leaned toward the other, “Damn, if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s an organ recital.”

We just hired a molecular biologist. Man, is he small.

What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your “style”

A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"

Why couldn’t the plants escape prison? Because their cells were surrounded by walls.

What kind of notebook does a dendrochronologist use? A tree-ring binder.

Which biochemicals wash up on beaches? Nucleotides.

I don’t know what carbon dating is, but I’ll try anything at this point…

What do you call an oral hygiene product for the brain? Neural Crest.

what do you call the leader of a biology gang? The nucleus

Why are men sexier than women? You can’t spell sexy without xy.

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.

How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.

What do you call a faulty spirometer? Expired.

Our molecular biologist was so small, he got crushed by a speck of dust!

Arbor Day is such a treet! What a wonderful day to branch out and learn something about the environment!

I heard this morning that veterinarians are beginning to use on household animals expensive upscale diagnostic equipment previously only available for humans, including CAT and PET scanners.

Aw, drawled the other, "they're all a bunch of cheetahs

How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.

Is there a big difference between male and female anatomy? Yes, a vas deferens.

What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your "style"

A red blood cell walked into a busy restaurant. The hostess asked, “Would you like to sit at the bar?” The red cell replied, “No thanks, I’ll just circulate.”

They call me DJ Enzyme because I always break it down.

We have to stop talking about mitosis… It’s such a divisive issue.

Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry.

What do you call a place of worship made out of amino acids? A cysteine chapel.

If I go to jail, my nickname will be mitochondria so I’m the power house of the cell.

How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.

What do you call a benzene ring that has had all its carbon replaced with iron? A ferrous wheel.

What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.

How does the nucleus communicate with ribosomes? With a cell phone.

How do you eat DNA-spaghetti? With a replication fork.

That is one fly agaric!

A guy accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose but he had no ill effect. Apparently he was ambidextrose.

What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.

How does the nucleus communicate with ribosomes? With a cell phone.

How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her.

How do you recognize a native American cell biologist? He lives in ATP.

The morel of the story is to never bring a mushroom to a lobster party...it would be a clash of the chitins.

How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.

How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.

I don't know what carbon dating is, but I'll try anything at this point...

Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry

Why are there no asprin in the jungle? Because the parrots-eat-them-all.