Alone In Another City

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Affair

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? It was a guy I met in the internet. He was twice my age. We had contact for some time, I enjoyed our conversation. I liked him as a friend and it was fun to flirt with him. He was a teacher for music and catholic religion. He was a little shorter in height than me, actually I wasn’t physically attracted to him. His chest was very hairy. It felt like patting a dog.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He lived in another city far away from me. After some months of chatting, I had a 3-weeks-work experience in this city. Right before I went there, I ended my relationship. I was a bit afraid to meet him, so I waited for a friend who visited me on a weekend. Together we met him. Afterwards my friend had to return to our home city. He called me and said, he would like to give me something. We met at the station. It was a city map and he wanted to show me a bit around the city. During this, he got more and more physical attached. But I didn’t mind it. Then he kissed me and I took him to my place. During my stay in the city, we met several times and had some dates. One time he cooked for me. He was a gentleman.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Mostly I was fascinated and he did some kinky stuff, oral and handwork on me. We had talked before about my likes in a casual way without intention of making out. I had some orgasms, but not every time. I was nervous, I hadn’t had so much sexual experience till that point. He didn’t push me to do anything and I think, he felt, that I was not ready to sleep with him. I tried to give him a handjob, but he didn’t orgasm. Since he wasn’t shaved down there, I didn’t want to give him oral.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We didn’t discuss anything. As we had no intercourse, there was no need for anything.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Somehow I felt lonely. I ended the relationship with my boyfreind, the boy I was in love with seemed not to care for me. I was thrilled because it seemed forbidden and being sought-after, I had really little self-esteem at this time. Additionally, I wanted to have some more experiences.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? No alcohol or drugs.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After I returned home, we had contact for some months. Then we lost each other. Years later we connected on facebook and wanted to meet, but it never happened. I regret that, I would have liked to see him again. He deleted his account and I don’t have any contact information. Something more than friendship never popped up. My parents would have killed me and during the affair I got back together with my ex-boyfriend.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked with a lot of people about it, I was excited. In detail I discussed it with my boyfriend. He knew about it, we had an open relationship and he wanted to know everything. At the end of the three weeks he got somehow jealous and didn’t want me to meet him again. I did anyway without telling him.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It took me by surprise, but it was consensual for both of us.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No, right the opposite.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It helped me feeling more sexy and self confident. It was my first hookup I really wasn’t romantically attached to my partner and the first one which was twice my age. After this I had many sexual relationships with older guys. Worst was, that he talked me in going back to my boyfriend. I shouldn’t have done that.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? While cuddling in bed, a friend of his called him and asked him, if he was in bed with a woman. According to that, I was not the first and not the only one he had only a sexual relationship with. It felt somehow strange knowing that, but I didn’t mind. Even after some years we never talked about his other women.