16 Ways to Not Be a Shit Guy

Mike Nicholson has some rules that remind him where that line is.

16. Embrace the man-hug. Shaking hands is for introductions, good mates are comfortable enough to hug one another. This does not make you gay.

15. Learn to laugh at yourself. We’ve all been guilty of being taking ourselves too serious.The best kind of man can take a joke and everyone wants to be mates with that guy.

14. Guess what? You can be friends with females and not want to sleep with them. Friendship variety is the spice of life and a wide range of friends, from both genders, guarantees a life time full of diversity.

13. Demand reality. Photoshopped bodies are not what they seem and porn is not real sex. Enjoy both if you chose but always be weary of enhanced and unrealistic media.

12. Be prepared to fail. Failure is not the end of the world it only acts as a catalyst to try harder next time. You can also use it as a chance to remember how to apologise.

11. The moustache is only acceptable one month of the year. You get a free pass for the upper lip facial hair during Mo-vember for raising awareness of men’s health issues, any other time and you run the risk of being labelled a ‘sex-pest’.

10. Be active, interested, and participate in politics.Your vote can make a difference and the whole circus of politics is a lot more bearable if you stand up and take notice: it’s also much easier to understand what Stephen Colbert and John Stewart are talking about. If all else fails, watch The West Wing.

9. Do what makes you feel happy. That dead end job might pay well but what about your well being? Take the plunge and switch it up, you never know what the change might bring.

8. Think about the words you use. Don’t say “that’s retarded” or “that’s so gay”. We are at a point in time where there are hundreds, if not thousands, of words to use instead. Alternatively, “that’s shit” works fine too.

7. Bullying is bullying, don’t do it. Whether it’s “joking around” in the locker room or under the guise of anonymity on the internet, treat others as you would like to be treated. Bullying is a killer.

6. Be a feminist. Feminism is not a dirty word. Let’s cast aside stereotypes of ‘angry, ranty man-haters’ and get on with doing more to treat every one as equal.

5. Put respect back into sex. It doesn’t matter WHO you sleep with, it doesn’t matter HOW many people you sleep with, but what’s wrong with a bit of respect? Don’t string that hot girl along who thinks you’re exclusive while you “bang” seven others on the side. That’s just tacky.

4. Crying is OK. Had a bad day? Shed a tear. Watched The Notebook? Cry over your man crush on Ryan Gosling. Suffer from depression? You are not alone. Being at one with your emotions doesn’t make you a woman, it makes you human. We should be encouraging man tears, they’re healthy and cost nothing… don’t go it alone.

3. Let’s talk homophobia. There is nothing wrong with being gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, queer…Embrace your mates for who they are AND who they love. Funny thing about homosexuality, it’s not contagious.

2. Real heroes walk away. If you’re drinking your weight in beer and start getting a little bit aggressive, walk the hell away. A split second and one punch is all it can take to ruin many lives. Don’t be that guy.

About Mike Nicholson

Mike Nicholson is a 26 year-old freelance media graduate from Adelaide, South Australia. When he's not undertaking a variety of temporary media and non-media related work you can find him avidly tweeting, trawling the internet for memes or attempting to forge a career in radio. Check out his innermost thoughts on twitter: @Mikey_Nicholson.

[…] women writers and contributors. They had a nice piece on fat-shaming Melissa McCarthy. When I read 16 Ways to Not Be a Shit Guy, I retweeted it because it was clever and talked about the ways that “real men” should […]

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BRG

4 years 11 months ago

14. – Sure. Especially when you’re not attracted to them. 13. – I’ll take both reality and fantasy whenever it suits. 11. – You mean to tell me my attire affects how people perceive me? Isn’t that essentially what a certain police officer got in hot water for trying to suggest? Also, no, I like my facial hair and wear it with pride. 8. – Context over content. A word can have more than one meaning given it’s context. 6. Be a feminist: How ’bout no. 4. – When appropriate, yes, ie loss of a loved one be in human… Read more »

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Hank Vandenburgh

5 years 11 days ago

“The moustache is only acceptable one month of the year.”

Tell you what. I’ll shave it when you grow your pubic hair back. I’m tired of feeling like a pedophile.

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8===D

5 years 11 days ago

“5. Put respect back into sex. It doesn’t matter WHO you sleep with, it doesn’t matter HOW many people you sleep with, but what’s wrong with a bit of respect? Don’t string that hot girl along who thinks you’re exclusive while you “bang” seven others on the side. That’s just tacky.”

uh, it’s not just teh menz who are less than ethical with sexual matters….

When I was cornered and attacked by people larger than me, it was fight like hell, and if I gave ’em a few life lasting scars, they shouldn’t of put my back against the wall….

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8===D

5 years 11 days ago

“4. Crying is OK.”

Um, I wish I was able to cry without hugiferous amounts of alcohol….

I used to get beaten when i started crying growing up. I was told it was to toughen me up. Now I can’t if I wanted to unless I’m really drunk….

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8===D

5 years 11 days ago

“14. Guess what? You can be friends with females and not want to sleep with them.”

Um, I tried that one time, she got really mad when I wouldn’t sleep with her….

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8===D

5 years 11 days ago

“6. Be a feminist. Feminism is not a dirty word. Let’s cast aside stereotypes of ‘angry, ranty man-haters’ and get on with doing more to treat every one as equal.”

Um, ever hear of Valerie Solonas or the SCUM Manifesto? oh, wait, they’re not one big monolith… How come the same privilege isn’t granted to MRA’s?

Actually, I won’t become a feminist, I took to heart that other point about not being a bully…

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8===D

5 years 11 days ago

11. The moustache is only acceptable one month of the year. You get a free pass for the upper lip facial hair during Mo-vember for raising awareness of men’s health issues, any other time and you run the risk of being labelled a ‘sex-pest’.

It’s my body, I’ll do with it what I like and it’s none of your business…

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Hank Vandenburgh

5 years 12 days ago

I’ve had this mustache since March, 1968, the month I got out of the Army. It stays. I’m a feminist, but I don’t permit misandry, and always call it when I hear it. Relatedly, I don’t like “creep,” “perv,” or “skeev,” especially when they’re applied to older men (or women.) That happens here sometimes. I’m currently practicing monogamy, but I don’t like age-formulas for whom you can “date.” I’ll think of some other stuff.

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Darkline

5 years 13 days ago

#6 should actually read, be a humanist. Sex should have no bearing on equality.

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John Anderson

5 years 13 days ago

“2. Real heroes walk away. If you’re drinking your weight in beer and start getting a little bit aggressive, walk the hell away. A split second and one punch is all it can take to ruin many lives. Don’t be that guy.” People really need to be aware of how their actions can negatively affect others. My friends and I had a rule growing up. Unless you’re in immanent danger of a physical attack, you never fight when you’re with a woman, she could get hurt during the fight or after if you lose. No one wants to have to… Read more »

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Archy

5 years 12 days ago

That’s if you can walk away though, not everyone picks the fight. I had someone hitting me once, I’m probably lucky I didn’t hit back because I tend to use my elbows and with my bodyweight n force behind it, I am very scared I’ll end up injuring or killing someone. I took the punches to the gut, tensed my gut and he stopped, I wanted to defend myself but was so scared I’d be jailed or something that I took it. Though these days I am more confident and understand the law a lil better, that I’d probably be… Read more »

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John Anderson

5 years 13 days ago

“16. Embrace the man-hug. Shaking hands is for introductions, good mates are comfortable enough to hug one another. This does not make you gay.” I don’t see why that would matter. That just puts men in a box. I think that it’s manly to show affection for friends including male friends would be much netter. Would cares if it’s a pat on the back, a handshake, or a hug. “14. Guess what? You can be friends with females and not want to sleep with them. Friendship variety is the spice of life and a wide range of friends, from both… Read more »

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OirishM

5 years 13 days ago

As a moustache bearer – thanks, but not funny.

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William

5 years 13 days ago

16. Why use the term “man-hug” if you want hugging to be acceptable between males ? by using that term you’re saying “you can hug as long as it’s a man-hug”. 14. Being friends with the opposite gender is a problem for both men and woman, there are woman who’d find it weird hanging out with a straight man alone. 13. Photoshop would exist if there wasn’t a need for it, men are attracted to woman who look a certain way and woman want to be attractive to those men. 11. That’s a pretty ridiculous statement. 7. Joking around is… Read more »

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Eric M.

5 years 14 days ago

16. Embrace the man-hug. 100% irrelevant and foolish to make this an issue. I have great friends, some of whom are huggers, others not so much. 15. Learn to laugh at yourself. Why is this only for men. Explain why women shouldn’t laugh at themselves too? 14. Guess what? You can be friends with females and not want to sleep with them. Why is this only for men? 12. Be prepared to fail. Why is this only for men? Are women always successful? Let’s get in touch with reality, shall we? 11. The… Read more »

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Inners

5 years 13 days ago

In addition to your well taken point about African-American men, a fair number of men in various military institutions, which have requirements about shaving facial hair (due to gas mask seals), but who are also the members of religious groups which require facial hair, will wear a mustache as a compromise between their military and religious obligations. Describing such men, due to their mustaches, as “sex pests” really nettled me. Out of all the troubling aspects of this short article this one bothered me in particular, for some reason.

This post was aimed specifically at men. But it doesn’t mean that the rules only adhere to men. I’m sure if you read other sites such as Mamamia or Jezabel you’ll find similar posts that are for women but could easily apply to men too.

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Leia

5 years 14 days ago

I would add:

(17) Really try to listen to your wife and pay attention to what she is saying…it’s often times something really important….

(18) Don’t just walk out and go drinking with your selfish, alcoholic buddy…..he may be bad at his own personal relationships and may want to ruin yours….

Sorry, the mustache thing sticks out too strongly for me to pay much attention to the rest of the bullet points. A “sex pest”? This isn’t Jezebel.

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J P McMahon

5 years 14 days ago

These all seem pretty obvious, but I think a few of them need a little qualification. #9 is obviously written by a young guy that is footloose and fancy free. Once you have people, particularly children, that are relying on you to eat and live under a roof, that is a choice you can no longer make and still be a good person. You plaster on that fake smile and go into the job you hate, to eat that bucket of shit everyday, because that is what a real man does. I completely agree with #10, but it also applies… Read more »

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Benjamin Geiger

5 years 14 days ago

“#5 make me wonder if that sleeping with lots of women that you want to sleep with, would include prostitutes, and girls so drunk they can barely walk? I hope not.”

Here’s a hint: Prostitutes can consent. The drunk cannot.

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J P McMahon

5 years 14 days ago

Benjamin, In Hollywood movies, prostitutes can consent. But in real life the vast majority of prostitutes got to bring their pimp that money, or they face some pretty dire consequences. No one utilizing those services ever really knows one way or the other, so it is always best to assume that there is a slave driving pimp involved.

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Benjamin Geiger

5 years 13 days ago

“But in real life the vast majority of prostitutes got to bring their pimp that money, or they face some pretty dire consequences.”

You say this with precisely zero evidence.

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J P McMahon

5 years 13 days ago

Benjamin, I don’t have an Ivy League study to cite because we are talking about the criminal underworld who are not to big on giving information to college professors. But I was in the military for eight years, and needless to say, I had some contact with that kind of of activity, though not as a participant. I also go to Vegas when ever I can afford it. But here is a little bit of information that will allow me to prove my point. Ever watch porn? You may notice that almost every single female performer seems to have sat… Read more »

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Stefanie

5 years 14 days ago

solid suggestions. i would’ve thrown in: ‘don’t cheat on your partner’. and @Danny: it’s easy to treat everyone equally. you don’t have to ask for anything ‘in exchange’. furthermore, stereotypes are what you make of them – you obviously believe in the feminist stereotype. if you believe in that stereotype, you probably already treat women differently, so who are you kidding? you most likely will never treat them equally ever.

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Archy

5 years 13 days ago

Danny is very egalitarian, he’s just seen some of the worst parts of feminism. Many guys here commenting may be anti-someparts of feminism, it doesn’t mean they’re against equality for all but they are often just cautious of feminism. Even I am cautious of it, there are many kinds of feminists, some who are actually misandrists as well so until we know which kind we’re talking to there is this feeling of caution as many of us have had bad experiences and seen some very negativie, derogatory, n quite frankly harmful discussions by some feminists. As I said before, there… Read more »

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Danny

5 years 14 days ago

it’s easy to treat everyone equally. you don’t have to ask for anything ‘in exchange’. I would like to believe that. But as it stands I keep getting asked to give fair treatment when the same consideration is not being extended back to me. furthermore, stereotypes are what you make of them – you obviously believe in the feminist stereotype. Not true. Stereotype is presented about a group. Some may or may not act it out. Some may not. In this case some act it out. Now I’ll agree it’s not right to try to say that all feminists act… Read more »

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Not buying it

5 years 14 days ago

The average man being told what & how to be by the so called politically correct establishment. !!!
Amazing Sir, thank you but no thanks

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Copyleft

5 years 9 days ago

Wow, maybe this should be on a site called How to Fix Guys and Earn the Female Seal of Approval.

To the best of my knowledge, that’s not supposed to be the purpose of this site.

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Danny

5 years 14 days ago

I appreciate the spirit I think you meant this in but: 16. Embrace the man-hug. Nah bro let’s just call them hugs. This whole bit about naming tacking “man” or “bro” onto everything is tacky. 11. The moustache is only acceptable one month of the year. You get a free pass for the upper lip facial hair during Mo-vember for raising awareness of men’s health issues, any other time and you run the risk of being labelled a ‘sex-pest’. If all the guy has about him that gets him called a sex-pest is his moustache then the neither he nor… Read more »

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Shield

5 years 14 days ago

The last one is absurd. Who cares if he hit her, you shouldn’t care that he hit her either.
If she hit him you would be calling her a liberated empowered woman.
Double standards yo, its either true equality or nothing.

Not that I’m willing to call what he did “defensive” or anything. Frankly they both sound like shitty people to me

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Archy

5 years 12 days ago

Provoking anyone into a fight is a dumb move, even a single hit can trigger an ass kicking, not that it’s justified but it’s just stupid to do. No one deserves to be hit but it’s not a smart move to provoke people into a fight, keep your hands to yourself and a whole lot of violence would be stopped. It’s just sad people hit each other, people should always assume the other person will beat the shit out of them even if it’s just a slap they give them first, they might think twice. That said, I dunno if… Read more »

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Stefanie

5 years 14 days ago

how about let’s not hit each other at all? as a woman, i see that double standard and squash it. i often call my female friends out when they ‘slap’ their partners – none of that is okay. the visibility of the crime and the fact that chris brown was unrepentant is enough for everyone to care.

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Archy

5 years 13 days ago

Amen to that, that double standard is annoying as hell. I’ve been slapped and punched by female friends who feel entitled to hit when they feel angry. Takes a lot of willpower not to slap them back, but knowing it’ll be me who gets in trouble vs them annoys the shit out of me but will probably also stop me from defending myself if it becomes worse.

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Inners

5 years 14 days ago

Number 11 is an actual, screaming example of Number 7. How fascinating…