If you listen to NPR you've probably heard the announcement that a show was "Supported
by a grant from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation." Very few people have
any idea who they are, or what they do.

Their name might lead you to they make "marital aids" out of wood.
Most artificial phalluses are made of plastic or silicone, so wooden ones might
be a welcome change. You could have some fun using different kids of woods
for different sizes of johnsons. Average sizes would be made from ash or white
pine. Extra large wooden johnsons would be made from ebony and black cherry.
And tiny Asian versions could be made from bonsai trees.

But the Robert Wood Johnson foundation isn't interested in increasing your
pleasure. They are an anti-pleasure organization devoted to increasing government
interference in every aspect of your life, all in the name of health. On their
web site they brag that they are "the nation's largest philanthropy devoted
to improving health and health care." On NPR their slogan is "committed
to helping Americans lead healthy lives and get the care they need." In
reality they are a front group for the pharmaceutical industry, specifically
for the giant Johnson & Johnson corporation.

If Johnson & Johnson were to get directly involved in the politics of
health most people would be very suspicious of their motives and critical of
their claims. So one of the founders did something very clever - he set up
the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation as an "independent" charity whose
primary source of income is the dividends on six billion (yes, billion) dollars
worth of Johnson & Johnson stock. What's good for J&J is good for RWJF.

Of the three billion dollars it claims to have spent since its inception,
hundreds of millions have gone to attacking smokers. Many supposedly grass-roots
organizations and political coalitions calling for bans on smoking in public
and/or higher tobacco taxes are quietly funded by RWJF. How many of them realize
they are acting as puppets of big pharma?

Regular readers know of my dealings with the anti tobacco shill James Repace.
Mr. Repace has spent nearly three decades lying about smoke and smokers. He
claims that removing tobacco smoke from a room requires 300 mile an hour winds,
that smoke doesn't dissipate outdoors but forms little white tornados that
hunt down non-smokers, and sucking down exhaust fumes near a highway is safer
than in inhaling a bit of smoke in a bar. The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation
has given him hundreds of thousands of dollars to fabricate such studies and
spew his bile, and then gave him an award for performing so well. First you
buy a monkey, then you train your monkey, then you give him a little monkey
treat.

Political activism can theoretically cost a charity its non-profit status.
Although this law is (sadly) seldom enforced, RJWF is careful not to violate
it directly. Instead of pushing for laws themselves, they generously fund third
party activist groups, then sit back and let their lackeys do all the work.

Why do they do this? Every time a smoking ban or other restrictions are put
in place some smokers decide to quit. When they do, many of them will try nicotine
replacement therapy. Johnson and Johnson makes nicotine patches, nicotine gum,
nicotine sprays, nicotine inhalers, and are probably working on nicotine breakfast
cereals and air fresheners. These products are enormously profitable. Consider
that you can buy 50 sticks of gum for about two bucks at any dollar store.
Putting a hint of nicotine in it lets J&J charge thirty dollars for forty pieces.

Every sale increases the profitably of J&J, which increases the stock
dividend, which increases the income of . . . the Robert Wood Johnson foundation.
Yet, the foundation is independent of the corporation. Pretty clever, isn't
it?

BTW, there are now several studies that show NRT doesn't work. Smokers who
quit cold turkey have at least twice the successes rate of those using those
using NRT. Some studies show even bigger differences. And isn't it surprising
that none of these studies were funded by RWJF?

I'm writing about their anti-tobacco activities because that's what I'm most
familiar with, but they've got their fingers (at least I hope it's their fingers)
stuck into a lot of other American pies. They're anti booze, and have spent
hundreds of millions to fund studies and programs that encourage higher taxes
on alcohol and restrictions on marketing and advertising. That includes gifts
to the junk science machine "The Center for Science in the Public Interest" to
fight "binge drinking."

They're also anti-drug. Well, anti illegal drug, supporting groups
like the "Partnership
for a Drug Free America." If you've had a rough day and want to smoke a joint,
you should go to jail. But if you take big pharma approved happy pills, day
after day after day after day, you're a good little citizen!

To be fair, some of the things they do, like funding NPR shows, don't
directly profit Johnson & Johnson. But you won't find them funding
anything that can hurt J&J either.

Please, don't take my word for it. You're encouraged to do your own research
into their projects. How many of them are of a nanny nature, designed to force
you into health and lifestyle decisions they approve of? How many of them directly
and indirectly affect the value of Johnson and Johnson stock? If you find anything
that might have a negative impact on J&J, I will personally buy you a cigar,
a beer, a fatty burger, or anything else that RWJF is trying to make illegal.

It's really a shame they're squandering their name. They would have very little
trouble making artificial phalluses, because the organization is made up of
complete dicks and absolute dildos.