Are You REALLY Sure My Kid Has ADHD?

I thought I was ready to hear whatever the doctor had to say. After all, I've been dragging my daughter to every specialist in the book, trying to find some answers about why her behavior is just so…out there.

Missy is four years old now. The tantrums continue. No, the tantrums are getting worse. Multiple pediatricians kept reassuring me that it was normal. She'll outgrow them. Some kids are just strong-willed. Give it time.

We gave it time. We tried occupational therapy. We tried behavioral therapy. We tried every discipline program we could think of. Our poor little girl just seemed one step out of sync with everyone else. She couldn't cope with anything, be it the wrong color of bowl at dinner or a stubbed toe. I found myself gritting my teeth multiple times a day whenever I'd hear her start screaming. Because I knew that the screaming was just the beginning, followed quickly by flailing, hitting, property damage and who knows what else. Didn't matter what precipitated things—the result was always the same. Uncontrolled mayhem.

Yet no one could quite figure out what was going on. We suspected hyperalgesia (suggested by one occupational therapist), gastroesophageal reflux disease (diagnosed by a pediatric gastroenterologist), Sensory Processing Disorder (suggested by another occupational therapist), even epilepsy (ruled out by a neurologist). So what the heck is really going on?

Then I found myself sitting in the office of a clinical psychologist, bracing for what I might hear. Deep down, I was fighting with myself about which would be harder to hear—that my daughter didn't have any problems and it was all in my head, or that my daughter had something terrible and life-altering.

I didn't have long to fight. The psychologist told me that he suspected Missy has ADHD.

Really?

Not to doubt the man with multiple degrees, but are you sure?

Maybe it's just because the condition seems so common these days that I wonder if it's being over-diagnosed. Like it's some kind of catch-all. The doctor gave me literature on the subject, and I agree, the symptoms line up pretty well with Missy's behavior.

But here's the problem. Drugs. All the articles I got from the doctor talk about how the only definitive way to treat ADHD is through medication. Behavioral therapy and counseling alone are not sufficient. For some reason, I hate the thought of my 4-year-old daughter on stimulant medication. I know it's illogical, but it makes me feel like I've failed in my parenting because I can't handle my little girl unless she's drugged up.

The scientist in me has to admit that the medication seems to be helping. We've been trying it for the past few weeks. I quickly saw that the full dose recommended by the doctor was too much—it sent Missy into a tail spin that made her behavior even worse. Hell. But on half the recommended dose, she does seem more stable, better able to concentrate, better able to control her impulses, and less likely to dissolve into tantrums.

It's not all flowers and rainbows. By the end of the day, when the medication wears off, we usually get what the doctor calls a “rebound” effect. Things can get pretty hairy. So now we just decide whether those precious hours of happy childhood during the day are worth the few hours of savagery in the evening.

At this point, it may be. The other day, I was able to snuggle with my little girl and listen to her read me a story. For so many years, she's been too prickly to snuggle on a consistent basis. And certainly too wiggly to get through a whole book. But when I held my little girl in my arms and heard her skillfully sounding out words I didn't even know she knew, it felt like something was finally right in our lives. I was seeing my baby's heart of gold that for so long has been shrouded in some dark forest we didn't understand and couldn't penetrate.

All we have is the opinion of one doctor that our daughter has ADHD. My mommy instincts still aren't totally at peace with this diagnosis, but for now it fits as well as anything has in the past. Somehow our current successes still feel like just one more step in a long journey that stretches ahead.

Have you ever doubted a doctor's diagnosis? If you've had any experience with ADHD, do you have tips you might share with a rookie? I'd love to hear from you!

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