I Am Being Tested

I woke up January 1, 2014, with a whole new outlook and attitude. Suddenly I was ready to let go of the past and begin the journey forward. Suddenly I just knew what needed to be done and began the process of making a plan of how to accomplish it. Suddenly I accepted all that had happened and transpired over the past many years as just that, things that HAD happened. I was ready to choose a new path forward.

Over the following weeks, people I hadn’t talked to in ages started coming out of the rafters to talk to me. Old friends re-connected. New friends simply appeared.

But my path forward is not to be without tests. Tests to see if I am as determined as I claim to be. Tests to see if I am ready to truly take the steps that I know have to be taken. Tests to see if I can change previously bad choices and learn to give myself respect enough to keep them from happening again.

I was going to share with you the tests that have come my way, but it became very long and boring even to me. Mostly my tests have come in the form of letting other people’s opinions or misconceptions effect my state of peace and my path forward. They have come in the form of accepting things I cannot change, while maintaining the courage to walk through them. They’ve come in the form of “can I say no” when I need to, which is truly difficult for me. And they’ve come in the form of letting go of people and situations in my past that need to remain where they are, in the past.

So apparently my new outlook on life is not going to come to me easily. I’m going to have tests to pass, trials to overcome, and situations to work through. I know nothing in life comes free, but with the path I’ve already walked one could hope for a bit of a break. Maybe I simply need to prove that I’ve learned and I am ready.

I can say I will never again let another person’s negative words effect my very essence and change my course. I will never again waste my time trying to prove who I am to anyone. I know who I am and if you wish to know who I am then I’m more than willing to share that, but I won’t spend my time trying to disprove your misconceptions.It’s not worth the time, effort, or anxiety. I’m too busy dealing with my own issues and problems, the real ones.

Will I pass every test and triumph every challenge? Probably not. I know I’m not perfect and I’m still learning. But thus far I am holding strong and walking forward anyway.