I've always been a bit... weird about stuff. Whenever I was a little kid I thought I was a boy >_> to an extent and got confused why me and my brother didn't look alike (anatomically). I was always blow-offish about "girly" clothes and shit. My mom made the comment to me that when I was a toddler she'd try to fit me in pretty little dresses and I'd fight her the whole time and then get myself out of them and stuff.
I kinda grew outta that, because I had no answers, my parents are conservative etc. As i got older I just did my own thing, secretly dreaded puberty, found excuses to buy boys clothes because they were "more comfortable" and such. Couple times tried fitting the whole feminine thing and felt wrong or annoyed and would give up and go back to being "baggy clothes etc etc"
I was 17 when i stumbled across a thread on the internet about LGBT with focus on Trans people and then I was just kinda like... "omg wwait wut that... that sounds like" whenever I'd read about other people.

So I kinda embraced the idea, did some research andd ended up putting it outta mind in favor of focusing on school, my art and getting into college. College started and I started "questioning" ; more deeply, joined the LGBT club on campus and made a friend I talked to about it. I'd planned on bringing it up with my mom over winter break but her surgery went south, put her in a wheelchair. I was doing a lot of stupid, self-destructive shit to avoid dealing with all the pressure being put on me to take care of the house, my younger brother, run errands for her etc. Soo questioning got put to the back burner. I eventually just shoved it into a box in my mind and started doing things that "needed to be done" and started online school so I'd be around to help my mom, ended up dating (and wasting time on) a dude I used to attend school with... started trying to fit the whole "feminine" image again...

And my sense of 'self' crumbled. It started out with me stopping to look at myself in the mirror and wondering "who the fuck am i looking at?" and from there goals, dreams etc. kinda followed it because I felt I'd lost 'myself' (kinda hard to explain I guess) so I started trying to build a new persona to take on... nothing helped. I got hella bad anxiety attacks, couldn't figure out why thought it was stress from taking care of hte house, running errands, taking care of my mom and he animals and doing school and trying to devote time to a relationship. Developed extreme social anxiety andd yeah >_> shit fell apart

Till I got on the internet again and randomly started looking into gender stuff again... and then it was like it started coming back. Idk I"m still in the whole questioning phase so there's no time line on "when I started" so much as I'll be questioning and covertly exploring while I live with my parents until I move out... because I have this godawful feeling I'm going to considerably "dissapoint" my dad... and my bro has done that enough so I want stability and self reliance (or with roommates) before I broach the topic with them or start seriously transitioning anything.

And then there are those moments of doubt and panic and fear when I'm afraid it's all just temporary and will crumble away... >_>

WELL now that that was TMI time I'm going to flutter away and find another poll to take

One night after drinking Absinthe with a lovely gay boy I had a major crush on I started to do some serious intoxicated contemplating because of this sadness I felt over knowing that I would never even have a chance with him because I was born a female and expressed myself as one. I lamented over how unfair it was. That was when I started to do some serious reflection into my own gender identity.

I enjoy being a 'woman' but I never really feel like I'm a true woman. The others always seemed like they were something much different than what I was. But then again, I didn't feel like I was a 'man' either. After a long contemplation process that has finally come to a realization, I feel (as obscure as this sounds when I try to explain it) that I am a man in a woman's body, and that man enjoys expressing himself as a woman.

"Always been weird" resonates with me. But if I had to pick some age- I'd say when I hit puberty.
That was when I realized me and my brother were heading off into different anatomical paths, and I was confused. I thought the changes would go away, or continue into something else, but no cigar.
As I grew older, I tried fitting into my designated sex/gender, but I always had that feeling that something was off. I remember mostly feeling like my skin didn't fit me, and I'd always thought that maybe everyone felt that way and I'd grow out of it eventually. Again, no cigar. Then when I was 15ish, I learned about trans* people and things fell into place from there on

I think I've always known I was different. I remember when I was little my mom caught me crying in the bathroom with my pants down. It freaked her out until I explained that I was crying because I couldn't pee like a boy. So yeah, it made for an adorable childhood story :'P.

So yeah, I've kind of always questioned, but life was tough so it was never a priority. When you got one parent working 2 jobs to make ends meet and another shooting up on the couch (when he WAS there), the set you're born with becomes kind of mundane @_@. Then there's my many other medical issues @_@. Growing up wasn't fun XP.

When what's his face finally up and left for good, I was left to finally focus on myself. Unfortunately by that time I was in middle school, where people look down on different. It also doesn't help that my extended family is freaking Glen Beck conservative ;_;! So I tried my best to ignore it. I couldn't though, so I took to my fathers footsteps and began using as well. I was in that perpetual state of fuzzy until I was 19 when my boyfriend asked me to get sober. For the first time, I couldn't run from it. After a year I finally came to terms with it. I also came to terms with being attracted to men (you'd think dating a guy for 2 years would do that xD).

So yeah, about 2 years since then, I'm still with my boyfriend who's become my biggest support and I'm easing people into this whole thing. This shit is way harder to explain to a Latino family, who doesn't even believe this exists @_@. I'm getting there though, and I'm almost 3 years sober :'D!

When I was a toddler I thought I was a boy. Then when I was 12-15 I thought I was lesbian, and later bisexual. I knew there were trans people, but thought I was cisgender because I liked fashion (?! I still didn't thought cismen who liked fashion were transwomen.)
At 15 I offended someone on a mailing-list by error :x (it was a women-only mailing-list, but really more of a "everybody but cismen" ML, so I thought a transman was a transwoman... because I got confused.) so I apologized and made real searches on gender. Then I gradually, progressively understood. Still thanking that person!

I think I've always known I was different. I remember when I was little my mom caught me crying in the bathroom with my pants down. It freaked her out until I explained that I was crying because I couldn't pee like a boy. So yeah, it made for
...

I think I've always known I was different. I remember when I was little my mom caught me crying in the bathroom with my pants down. It freaked her out until I explained that I was crying because I couldn't pee like a boy. So yeah, it made for an adorable childhood story :'P.

So yeah, I've kind of always questioned, but life was tough so it was never a priority. When you got one parent working 2 jobs to make ends meet and another shooting up on the couch (when he WAS there), the set you're born with becomes kind of mundane @_@. Then there's my many other medical issues @_@. Growing up wasn't fun XP.

When what's his face finally up and left for good, I was left to finally focus on myself. Unfortunately by that time I was in middle school, where people look down on different. It also doesn't help that my extended family is freaking Glen Beck conservative ;_;! So I tried my best to ignore it. I couldn't though, so I took to my fathers footsteps and began using as well. I was in that perpetual state of fuzzy until I was 19 when my boyfriend asked me to get sober. For the first time, I couldn't run from it. After a year I finally came to terms with it. I also came to terms with being attracted to men (you'd think dating a guy for 2 years would do that xD).

So yeah, about 2 years since then, I'm still with my boyfriend who's become my biggest support and I'm easing people into this whole thing. This shit is way harder to explain to a Latino family, who doesn't even believe this exists @_@. I'm getting there though, and I'm almost 3 years sober :'D!

Oh your story about wanting to be able to "pee like a boy" i had a similar experience, although without the tears. Mine involved dragging my brother to the bathroom with me (we were really really young) and telling him to explain how he peed standing up because I "could do it too" and then my grandmother came in since she babysat us and was like "you can't do it like that but blahblahblah" and I was really upset and ended up messing up my clothes trying to prove her wrong xD

I have the same problem with pretty conservative family ;-; Most of them don't believe in half of the psychological disorders that exist much less "someone being born in the wrong body". I don't know if they would buy it even with specialist say-so because they're headstrong. Especially my dad "anything can be overcome with effort" which is a good mantra to have for most things but fck not for everything.

It's good that you've got some support though :3 the only people I've mentioned anything to are my friend in Cali. (I live in AR) and a dude I went to college with in another state ;-; so they are all long distance friends everyone else I'm around I've got to pretend so shit doesn't 'hit the fan' that and i just really really hate dealing with drama/explosions etc when it can be avoided XD

So I wish you best of luck in working on this with your family cuzzz I definitely don't have the courage for that x_x my plan is to wait until i'm moved out and away and safe and send an e-mail with links and thorough information and then hide and dread phone calls.

In all honesty, I've always had this burning desire to switch genders at will. I don't feel uncomfortable being female but I just hate that I can never be male, either. It's hard to put into words. As a child I wished that I could be both all the time.

I've had physical dysphoria/anxiety about my body, and a more abstract anxiety about gender, since I was very young (6 or 7?) It didn't concretely occur to me that it might be a gender thing until I was 14.

Reply

03/29/2012

u

Quote:

Originally posted by
DarthTaco

I think I've always known I was different. I remember when I was little my mom caught me crying in the bathroom with my pants down. It freaked her out until I explained that I was crying because I couldn't pee like a boy. So yeah, it made for
...

I think I've always known I was different. I remember when I was little my mom caught me crying in the bathroom with my pants down. It freaked her out until I explained that I was crying because I couldn't pee like a boy. So yeah, it made for an adorable childhood story :'P.

So yeah, I've kind of always questioned, but life was tough so it was never a priority. When you got one parent working 2 jobs to make ends meet and another shooting up on the couch (when he WAS there), the set you're born with becomes kind of mundane @_@. Then there's my many other medical issues @_@. Growing up wasn't fun XP.

When what's his face finally up and left for good, I was left to finally focus on myself. Unfortunately by that time I was in middle school, where people look down on different. It also doesn't help that my extended family is freaking Glen Beck conservative ;_;! So I tried my best to ignore it. I couldn't though, so I took to my fathers footsteps and began using as well. I was in that perpetual state of fuzzy until I was 19 when my boyfriend asked me to get sober. For the first time, I couldn't run from it. After a year I finally came to terms with it. I also came to terms with being attracted to men (you'd think dating a guy for 2 years would do that xD).

So yeah, about 2 years since then, I'm still with my boyfriend who's become my biggest support and I'm easing people into this whole thing. This shit is way harder to explain to a Latino family, who doesn't even believe this exists @_@. I'm getting there though, and I'm almost 3 years sober :'D!

"I remember when I was little my mom caught me crying in the bathroom with my pants down. It freaked her out until I explained that I was crying because I couldn't pee like a boy. So yeah, it made for an adorable childhood story :'P. "

When I got tall enough to stand over the toilet, I started leaning forward over the seat with my knees bent in an uncomfortable position to pee. When I mastered it and wasn't accidentally peeing all over my pants or the floor, I made my mom come in and watch me pee "like a boy." She was utterly disturbed and I was very confused as to why she wasn't proud of me for figuring it out!

I always kind of found myself to be 'one of the boys' but didn't know I could actually DO SOMETHING about it until my mid teens, so, yehh.

Yep this right here. This still applies to me. When I go hang out with friends, it's always chilling with the bros/dudes/guys/men however you refer to them XD... I mean I've tried hanging with girls but I found I had nothing to talk with them about, nothing in common.

They all wanted to discuss typical highschool girl stuff (iguess)... e_e I can be an unbearably vain creature but damn it wasn't what my time revolved around. Some of them were cool, I did chat with a few girls who I had things in common with, but I don't still talk to any of these people ._. I'd call their parents friends before them, they are more like acquaintances

I'd much rather kick back and discuss that disgusting dare that happened a week ago or how bad I suck at a new video game or something like that. Not being...hateful and gossipy. I know not ALL women are like this but from the experiences I've had from girls I went to HS / College with this is what I saw 98% of the time... and the other times I'd really think a girl was cool only to find out from her boyfriend/friend that she hates my guts for w/e reason.

It wasn't a matter of questioning for me. I just thought everyone had to learn to be their birth gender. I learned later that most people act naturally. I realized that I could act the way I wanted to when I was about 14.

i was 2 or 3 when i was allowed to make my own choice about what i liked. i guess that's the age most gender differences start to show. until then, everyone plays with dolls and toy cars. i always identified as male. my mom tried to put a stop to it and forced femininity on me like crazy (beauty pageants, thafuck?!) but around the time i was 12 i realized it was a medical condition and i was done fighting biology.

I was questioning through high school but all throughout my childhood I had certain sensations. When I was five, I'd take off my shirt and walk around, when seven, I suddenly didn't want my hair longer anymore. I couldn't ever socialize with people my sex either. When I hit fourteen or fifteen, I started to get a sensation like phantom erections. It wasn't until the end of high school that I even heard of the term transgender--that's what really started my transitioning, learning the word. That it existed and it was okay to do.

I think I was about 3 or 4 when I told my parents that I wished I'd been born a boy instead. And I kept saying things like that throughout my childhood. But all I kept hearing from my family was pretty much 'oh well you're a girl, you'll have to live as one.' (Though I was actually born intersex, so...) But then it wasn't until college I found out about being transgender, and decided I was trans then.

It really hit me in my junior year of high school, and made me kind of miserable until the summer before college, when I took a lot of time to just be by myself and think about what I wanted from my life. There is an awesome and supportive community at my college, so being genderqueer is a lot less scary than I;d imagined it would be, at least for me at the moment.

I should have known earlier /rolls eyes. I was always gender non-conforming and "wished I was a boy." But I didn't really know trans* people existed. My freshman year of college, I first learned about trans* stuff and I really connected with it. So I guess I didn't find words for my identity until I was 18 or so.

People realize their gender at lots of different ages. I'd like to see when you began your journeys.

I was 15. I didn't question it before then, really, except for just kind of "knowing" that I was weird gender-wise. But since I'm comfortable with my body, I just thought it was me being a little weird, until I realized that being genderqueer was possible, and then I started actually exploring my gender.