April 20, 2009

Breaking News: Texas Secedes From The Union!

Today, In a surprise move, Texas Governor Rick Perry, late of the Republican party, has asked for and received from the Texas legislature, a Bill of Secession. The Texas Governor, with the collusion of a slim majority of the legislature and Senate, who approved the Bill, have made a joint statement and declared the birth of the "Republic of Texas"(ROT).

White House officials appeared to be caught completely unawares that this was happening. An unnamed White House staffer said that the only thing that she had heard about this was an article in the on-line news outlet, The Huffington Post.

When asked about President Obama's response to this action, Senior White House officials were tight-lipped, saying only that the President was"gravely concerned"

All across America, patriotic people have taken to the streets decrying the action taken by Texas. Even in states that are reliably "red" in local, state, and national election cycles, people are wondering "what in the name of God is going on in down there?"as so eloquently put by Mrs. Cheryl Crane, of Topeka, Kansas. In Louisiana's Terrebonne Parish, Antoine Thibideaux, a self-proclaimed "lifelong-bible-believing-NRA-member-antiabortion-Republican" thinks that Perry and Texas lawmakers have gone too far. "I have always loved Texas and Texans... but this... this is just too doggone much!"

Political leaders across America have been lining up to be interviewed by as many media outlets as possible to let it be known that they want no part of Perry's or Texas' sedition. The only political leader who has voiced even tepid support for Texas' secession has been Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, who immediately resigned from the Republican Party and declared herself a member of the Alaska Independence party.

Overnight, here in Washington, DC the lights have been on quite late in Congressional offices, the White House, and ominously, at the Pentagon. It has been confirmed by anonymous sources, that The President has gathered the Congressional leadership, the Secretaries of Defense, Commerce, Homeland Security, and Treasury behind closed doors in the situation room.

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Today, In a surprise move, Texas Governor Rick Perry, late of the Republican party, has asked for and received from the Texas legislature, a Bill of Secession. The Texas Governor, with the collusion of a slim majority of the legislature and Senate, who approved the Bill, have made a joint statement and declared the birth of the "Republic of Texas"(ROT).

White House officials appeared to be caught completely unawares that this was happening. An unnamed White House staffer said that the only thing that she had heard about this was an article in the on-line news outlet, The Huffington Post.

When asked about President Obama's response to this action, Senior White House officials were tight-lipped, saying only that the President was"gravely concerned"

All across America, patriotic people have taken to the streets decrying the action taken by Texas. Even in states that are reliably "red" in local, state, and national election cycles, people are wondering "what in the name of God is going on in down there?"as so eloquently put by Mrs. Cheryl Crane, of Topeka, Kansas. In Louisiana's Terrebonne Parish, Antoine Thibideaux, a self-proclaimed "lifelong-bible-believing-NRA-member-antiabortion-Republican" thinks that Perry and Texas lawmakers have gone too far. "I have always loved Texas and Texans... but this... this is just too doggone much!"

Political leaders across America have been lining up to be interviewed by as many media outlets as possible to let it be known that they want no part of Perry's or Texas' sedition. The only political leader who has voiced even tepid support for Texas' secession has been Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, who immediately resigned from the Republican Party and declared herself a member of the Alaska Independence party.

Overnight, here in Washington, DC the lights have been on quite late in Congressional offices, the White House, and ominously, at the Pentagon. It has been confirmed by anonymous sources, that The President has gathered the Congressional leadership, the Secretaries of Defense, Commerce, Homeland Security, and Treasury behind closed doors in the situation room.