www.MIKEthrashErprEsEnts.coM
for complete details and info on how to
get your tickets early

NOTES

lovenotes@portlandmercury.com
LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE

BIEBER: MESSENGER OF GOD
RE: Up & Coming [Oct 4], in which author
Wm. Steven Humphrey forsakes his former
pop idol Justin Bieber in favor of concert
opener Carly Rae Jepsen… and then forsakes her too, for being “popular and old.”

GREETINGS, MR. HUMPHREY—I’m writing to express great disgust at your remarks
on the Portland Mercury website. In so far
as Justin is concerned, I may only state that
you simply do not understand. To behold the
work of a messenger of God, to see the face of
an angel, these are the luminous opportunities
available to those who surrender themselves
to Justin’s sweet, sweet music. I pity your soul.
Daniel Nickerson

DEAR MERCURY—Got very excited… “ARCHITECTURE” mentioned
on the front cover! I searched… dismay… couldn’t find it inside. Did I miss
something in my frenetic, adrenalinenhanced examination of your pages? Or
did you miss yet another opportunity to become the first and only voice in the Portland
press to engage with this crucial public art?
Clive R. Knights, Chair of Architecture,
PSU

SUZETTE SMITH

CLEANING HOUSE
RE: “My, What a Busy Week!” [Oct 4], a rec- 4], in which the neighbor of chicken-keepers
ommendation of a screening of Poltergeist neglects to alert them of the presence of a
containing a point of confusion with its se- large raccoon.
quel, Poltergeist II.
There are a surprising number of dipMERC—Apparently [Courtney Ferguson] shits ’round these parts that don’t underalso forgot “how awesome” Poltergeist is, stand that raccoons and coyotes actually
as the scrawny scribe seems to remember preceded their urban chicken farm experia “badass tequila worm” appearing in the ment. All fine and dandy if that’s what you
1982 flick, when that truly creepy creature want to do, but please plan accordingly
crawled up outta Craig T. Nelson’s throat in and don’t act shocked if some local wildlife
the far-less-awesome Poltergeist II. Since claims one, some, or all of your poultry.
posted by billyjak
I’ve done my mother-fuckin’ work, I’ll now
simply state, “This house is clean.”
Kurt Dahlke

HAPPY TRAILS
RE: “Swan Drive” [News, Oct 4], regarding
stymied efforts to work on the North PortFEAR AND CHANGE
RE: “Death Warmed Over” [Feature, Sept land Greenway, a riverside bikeway north
27], detailing some of the expected effects of downtown to Swan Island.
of climate change on the Pacific Northwest
This is not just about some commuters
and Oregon in particular.
to Swan Island, this is about shaping our city,
DEAR NATHAN [GILLES]—You’re a brave and extending one of Portland’s most sucman for presenting such a frank and startling cessful recreational amenities: a shared path
article. I’ve been aware and involved to one along the river! Greeley is an unpleasant
degree or another with climate change issues truck route, and would not provide the same
since the 1980s. It’s hard to get people’s at- quality of connection to Swan Island, and the
tention on these issues without sending them exciting prospect of a continued river trail up
into hiding under their beds rather than send- to Cathedral Park.
posted by Max D
ing them on to taking meaningful action. We
need that balance. I haven’t checked the latest on stratospheric ozone depletion, but you
might do an article on it. Basically, we need
the historic abundance of oxygen-producing
plants to feed the stratosphere with oxygen
that gets converted to UV-blocking ozone.
We need to keep man-made chemicals that
deplete ozone from escaping into the stratosphere. Of course, the best way to prevent
them from depleting stratospheric ozone is to
quit manufacturing them.
Barry

IT IS AN exciting prospect indeed, Max,
to think that one could bike for such
an idyllic stretch, whether for work or
pleasure. Here’s hoping for that bright
future. In the meanwhile, enjoy two
Laurelhurst Theater tickets.
COVER ART

Sometimes there’s little choice but to start the
week off in a terrible, terrifying manner. The
New York Post reports that abusive douchehole Chris Brown and former gal-pal Rihanna
(who he mercilessly beat down prior to the 2009
Grammys) were spotted locking themselves in
a NYC club bathroom for 20 minutes—and…
can we assume they
weren’t f los si ng
their teeth? Earlier,
snoopy spies spotted RiRi entering
the trendy Griffi n
nightclub, at which
point, “Chris made
his way over to Rihanna. He raised
his shirt and was
dancing promiscuously.” OMIGOD
UGH
THAT IS THE
WORST SENTENCE EVER UTTERED IN
THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE. The
snoop continues: “Then they started dancing
together and hugging and kissing in front of
everyone.” Stunned (and probably disgusted)
onlookers then saw the pair go into the bathroom, and when Rihanna fi nally emerged, she
“seemed a little ruffled”—which we suppose is
a step up from having one’s face beaten to a pulp.
The pair then left separately—but hours later,
Chris was spotted leaving the Gansevoort Hotel, where (surprise!) Rihanna was staying. In
a related story, VOMIT. MEANWHILE… The
most annoying rapper in the world and therefore American Idol judge Nicki Minaj went on
a backstage tirade against co-judge/demanding
diva Mariah Carey today, screaming at anyone
who would listen, “I told them I’m not fuckin’
putting up with her fucking highness [Mariah] over there. Figure it the fuck out.” Nicki
also allegedly threatened that “if I had a gun I
would shoot her.” Nicki later denied that fi nal
allegation—probably realizing that being sent
to prison for murder wouldn’t help her career.
(Hint: Being less annoying and a better rapper
might help her career.)

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 2

Oh, and we mentioned that Chris Brown currently has had a girlfriend for over a year,
right? Oh. Well, he has had a girlfriend—for
over a year. And that unlucky girlfriend is
model Karrueche Tran, who after reading in
the papers about Brown’s bathroom canoodle
with Rihanna had this to say in her Twatter
machine: “There’s a difference between a man
and a boy. I prefer men.” Speaking on behalf of
the women of the world, we’d prefer it if Karrueche and Rihanna didn’t make the rest of
us look like idiots. Thank you, and good day.
MEA N WHILE…
Speaking of train
wrecks, did anyone watch tonight’s
presidential
debate? YEEEESH.
There is absolutely
no excuse for President Obama’s poor
performance… but
former Vice President Al Gore tried
to come up with one
BAD ALTITUDE
anyway. “Obama arrived in Denver at 2 pm today—just a few hours
before the debate started,” Gore said on his
Current TV show. “Romney did his debate prep
in Denver. When you go to 5,000 feet and you

THIS WEEK ON

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM

only have a few hours to adjust… I don’t know.”
Go back to explaining global warming, Al. You
make more sense.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3

Bad news and FANTASTIC news! Bad news
fi rst: Serial dickhead Chris Brown has
dumped longtime girlfriend Karrueche Tran,
because… we wonder why? “I have decided to
be single to focus on my career,” the clearly
lying Brown told Us magazine. “I love Karrueche very much [I’m lying again], but I don’t
want to see her hurt over my friendship with
Rihanna [Remember her? The ‘friend’ I nearly
beat to death?]. I’d rather be single allowing
us to both be happy in our lives [and I’m only
truly happy when beating women].” THE FANTASTIC NEWS: According to multiple media outlets including the NY Daily News, the
inconceivable relationship between gorgeous
man-of-our-dreams George Clooney and that
string bean ex-wrestling witch Stacy Keibler is
���almost kaput.” “They’re barely talking,” says
one snooper spy. “She is worried that he may
break up with her any day now.” Yessssssss!
Now’s our chance! HUBBY KIP! Clear today’s
calendar, and toss us the car keys! We’ve got
an emergency waxing appointment at Bikini
Away!

W

hat is the funniest, filthiest,
screamiest time of year? The
annual HUMP! Film Festival, of
course! Dirty birds from all over the
Pacific Northwest submitted their fiveminute homemade porn movies to the
HUMP! 2012 competition, the finalists
have been chosen, and now it’s time
for you to sit back and enjoy!
You’ll see all types of tiny sexy sex
movies at HUMP! including straight,
gay, lesbian, trans, and bizarre fetish
stuff that will make you say, “WOW.
Now I can die, because I saw that.”
There will also be tons of laughs,
squeals, and the fun of sharing a
naughty evening with a theater full of
like-minded sex-positive people.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 4

Speaking of potentially fantastic news, there’s
the slightest possibility that Kanye West may finally be coming to
his senses and realizing that his gross
girlfriend Kim Kardashian is… umm…
GROSS. A s you
know, KanWe fancies himself a clothing designer—even
though his line of
frocks have been savaged by critics at previous Paris Fashion
Weeks. Well, accord- WAKE UP, MR. WEST
ing to the NY Daily News, Kanye had no intention
of bringing Kim to this year’s fashion week in
Paris, because… well…. “He didn’t think it was
good for his reputation,” a Kanye cohort told
the paper. Other sources agree, adding, “He’s
uncomfortable bringing” the universally loathed
reality star, because he “wants to be taken seriously.” HAHAHAHAAAA yesssssss. Mark this
day on your calendars, dears! In years to come
we’ll be referring to it as “Kanye Finally Woke
the Fuck Up” Day.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5

Well, our appointment at Bikini Away was supposed to be this morning, but we cancelled it
because everything is horrible. The love of our
life, George Clooney, inexplicably showed up
with dimwitted trollop Stacy Keibler to the
premiere of Argo last night, and didn’t they
look just delighted to be with each other. Hmph.
Let’s move on to Saturday, shall we?

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6

Regular readers of One Day at a Time will no
doubt remember last week’s Pulitzer-nominated coverage of “The Justin Bieber Vomiting
Incident,” in which we wrote with accuracy
and sensitivity about Justin Bieber vomiting onstage. (“He then turned his back to the
crowd, bent over, put his hands on his knees,
and vomited all over the stage,” Portland
Mercury, One Day at a Time, Oct 4.) THIS IS
RELEVANT `BECAUSE… Perhaps under

And if you believe nothing else, believe this: HUMP! 2012 WILL SELL OUT—because it always does!

GET YOUR TICKETS RIGHT NOW AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM/HUMP
FOR THE FUNNEST, DIRTIEST SHOW OF THE YEAR!
the mistaken impression that vomiting onstage
is what tweens are into these days, Lady Gaga
“surprised fans when she vomited four times
live on stage during a concert last week in
Barcelona,” the Daily Mail reports under the
headline “A Sickening Performance.” “Ever
the professional, Gaga valiantly did more
dance moves in between throwing up even
more while her male dancer tried his best to
obscure the view by staying in front of her,”
the Mail notes, adding, “The ‘Poker Face’ star
held up her own hair as she avoided getting
any mess on herself before standing erect and
bouncing across the stage to entertain the
audience.” Perhaps
Gaga was just ill…
or perhaps the headline from another
British rag got to her:
The Sun’s “Porker
Face!” “Lady Gaga is
said to have gained
more than TWO
STONE as she parties her way round
the world on tour,”
the Sun claims. “And
TWO STONE?!
experts are suggesting that she has piled on the pounds through
her love of booze.” No, dears, we don’t know how
many pounds are in “two stone.” It’s probably
about what Justin Bieber weighs?

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 7

Moving on from vomit news, it’s time for a Hollyweird Hook-Update! (We just came up with
that!) FIRST! Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are “officially a couple again,”
says People, which claims RPatz has forgiven
KStew for her fl ing (oral sex) with that guy who
directed that Snow White movie. SECOND!

Comedian David Cross has married that girl
who was in that Sisterhood of the Traveling
Pants movie! Amber Tamblyn is 29
and Cross is 48,
and while normally
that might be kind
of creepy, in this
case we declare
it to be adorable.
THIRD! Jennifer
Aniston is prancing about Hollywood, whinnying at
everyone in earshot
CHILD BRIDE
to look at the engagement ring Justin Theroux just got her! Our
congratulations go out to the brave blacksmith
who somehow managed to forge a diamond
onto a horseshoe. FOURTH! Katy Perry and
John Mayer are dunzo! While Radar reports
Mayer had attempted to change his “legendary ladies’ man” ways for the pop starlet (“John
realizes now that it made him appear a bit of
a douchebag,” a source correctly told them),
that didn’t last long. “She needs the guy to be
onboard 100 percent and she was sick of John
disappearing for five days at a time, then booty
calling her, then straightening up and treating her well, only to go back to his old behavior a few days later.” Douchebag. FIFTH! The
world’s sweetest couple, Danny DeVito and
Rhea Perlman, who have been together since
the Pleistocene Era, have separated. This is
the most heartbreaking news we can possibly
imagin—SIXTH! “So much for those split rumors!” x17online.com reports, noting at today’s
Obama fundraiser, George Clooney showed up
with Stacy Keibler on his arm, and didn’t they
look just peachy. Excuse us, dears. Our puke
bucket awaits.

FREE TIX TO SEE FIRST AID KIT! HALF OFF YOUR STAY IN A VINTAGE WIN TIX TO
END HITS THURSDAY AIRSTREAM! MERCPERKS.COM HUMP! FRIDAY BLOGTOWN!
Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com

October 11, 2012 Portland Mercury 5

Fuck
Gravity.
A float tank is essentially the perfect bath tub.
They vary in size, but the typical tank is 8 feet long and 4 feet wide.
It holds about a foot of water, which is saturated with 850 pounds of Epsom salt. This creates a solution more
buoyant than the Dead Sea, and you float on your back about half in and half out of the water.
Air is allowed to freely flow in and out, and the door never locks or latches.
The water itself is kept at the average skin temperature of 93.5°, which allows you to lose track
proof and, when you turn off the light, completely dark.
of your body. The tank is sound p
No gravity, no touch, no sound, and no sight.

Plan to Add Permits Divides Portland’s Taxi Drivers, Sparks Claims of Racism by Nathan Gilles
FOR THE PAST four years, 50 Portland cab
drivers have been attempting a feat akin to
crashing an exclusive, invitation-only party.
In a town where the number of cabbie permits has been calcified in place
for years, they’ve been trying to form an
employee-owned company—and they’re
closer than ever to getting their wish.
Except that, in a twist, the
cabbies are facing an unlikely
opponent: their own colleagues.
On Wednesday, October
10, the city’s Private for Hire
Transportation Board was
scheduled to vote on adding 132
new taxi permits to the city’s
existing crop of 382. These
include permits for the 50 insurgent drivers and their company, Union Cab, also called
Solidarity Cab Cooperative.
But despite the fact that Portland hasn’t
added cabs in more than a decade—and
despite evidence that Portland has significantly fewer taxis than comparable cities—
the cabbies’ own elected representative on
that city board has been pushing to shut
the whole idea down.
The bubbling fight has left cabbies taking
sides against other cabbies—all the while
dancing around the uncomfortable specter
of racism in a profession that draws heavily
from Portland’s immigrant communities.
“We can’t absorb a 35 percent increase in
the fleet right now,” says Red Diamond, the
cabbies’ rep on the board, saying it would
cut into the earnings of drivers like him.
And, so far, Diamond has been making
headway in his effort.
Early on Wednesday, October 3, Diamond semi-officially launched his campaign.
He managed to bring out 25 other drivers
to circle the downtown Embassy Suites, in

Stinging Lawsuit

Wako’s feeling pleased with the report.
Diamond, however, calls the recommendations an “absolute betrayal.” And the two
have been sparring ever since.
But Diamond has also repeatedly—and
publicly—made the claim that Union Cab is
made up of Ethiopian immigrants like Wako
who want to take jobs from Portland drivers. He also mentions “persistent rumors” that Union Cab
drivers have promised permits
to relatives in other states.
Not true, says Wako—who
accuses Diamond of racism.
“Our members are current city cab drivers and are
licensed in Portland or Vancouver,” says Wako. As to Union
Cab’s ethnic makeup, he says,
ALEX CHIU
“We have Russian drivers, we
Diamond told the Mercury, during the have people from Iran, and we have Asian
rally, that he thought Union Cab members drivers.”
“I don’t think it’s a racist comment,”
were being selfish. “What they want is 50
new permits at the expense of everyone says Diamond. “It’s an observation… I
don’t think there are any white people in
else,” said Diamond.
Union Cab’s founder and president, Ke- that union.”
Whether the new permits will help or hurt
dir Wako, disputes the accusation. But the
debate, in many ways, still starts with him. cabbies remains an open question. However,
In early 2011, Wako and other Union the revenue bureau’s argument for them is
Cab members met with Mayor Sam Adams. persuasive. For every 10,000 Portlanders,
The cabbies told the mayor they wanted to there are just 6.6 taxis. Seattle has nearly
start a cooperative similar to Portland’s twice as many, and Denver and Minneapolis
Radio Cab. According to Portland Revenue have almost three times as many.
Wednesday’s meeting likely won’t be the
Bureau reports, they also discussed problems in Portland’s taxi industry, including last word. If the transportation board votes
low net pay, long working hours, and a lack yes, then city council has final approval. It’s
also possible the city council could overof basic workplace protections.
Adams responded by ordering an in- rule the board should it reject the permits.
vestigation. When the Revenue Bureau Adams declined to comment on whether he
finally published its findings last month, it would pursue the permits if the board says
covered not only new permits, but also a no, but added, “I will tell you that the analseries of reforms designed to address the ysis behind the recommendations appears
to be very thorough.”
workers' complaints.
what was billed as a protest against a longcontroversial practice of doormen taking
bribes from drivers in exchange for exclusive access to the hotel’s guests. Embassy
Suites declined to comment for this story.
But Diamond’s critics say the protest was
really an attempt to rally Portland’s cabbies against new permits.

NEWS
Occupier in Iconic Pepper-Spray Photo Sues the Cops by Denis C. Theriault
THE OCCUPY PORTLAND protester
infamously photographed eating a blast of
pepper spray during the chaotic aftermath
of an anti-bank protest on November 17,
2011, has filed a lawsuit accusing the police
bureau of using excessive force.
The suit by Liz Nichols, a 21-year-old
Portland State student, targets two police
officers: Officer Doris Paisley, who jabbed
Nichols in the neck with a baton and later
grabbed Nichols by the hair to arrest her,
and Sergeant Jeff McDaniel, who unloaded his pepper spray canister into Nichols’
mouth while she was yelling at Paisley.
Nichols, immortalized in an awardwinning Oregonian photo, is asking for
$155,000 in damages. She also wants the
police bureau to abandon a policy that permits the use of pepper spray, under certain
conditions, against protesters who aren’t
actively resisting police officers.
“The policies of the Portland Police Bureau allow the use of pepper spray even

when a person is not physically a threat to
anyone,” said Kenneth A. Kreuscher, one of
Nichols’ attorneys, at a news conference on
Friday, October 5. “This lawsuit is about attempting to change that policy.”
The lawsuit is the second high-profile
excessive force claim to arise from last
fall’s Occupy crackdown. Justin James
Bridges, confined to a wheelchair since
police cleared the Occupy camps last fall,
sued the city and several cops this summer
for more than $3 million.
Kreuscher says the painfully hot oil
that makes up pepper spray left Nichols
with eczema immediately after the incident and that she still suffers from sleep
and anxiety disorders.
The police bureau hasn’t commented on
the suit. But after the iconic image of Nichols brought widespread attention last fall,
the bureau released a video of the incident
shot from behind police lines.
The confrontation between police and

protesters that led to the pepper spraying came at the end of a long day of protests throughout downtown—and the
clash arguably was made worse by the
cops themselves.
Mounted cops showed up to clear the
sidewalks around an occupied Chase Bank
branch at SW 6th and Yamhill. Then the
riot cops and their PA van showed up.
While the van was telling protesters to stay
on the sidewalk and off streets and nearby
MAX tracks, the riot cops were confusedly
pushing protesters like Nichols off those
same sidewalks.
“Liz Nichols was obeying the only order
she ever heard from the police. She took
care to stay on the sidewalk,” said another
of Nichols’ attorneys, Benjamin Haile. “All
she was doing was shouting at police. Her
hands were down at her side.”
Nichols was charged with three misdemeanors that later were filed as traffic
violations to avoid having to try Nichols in
front of a jury. Her criminal case is in limbo
while prosecutors sort out the effect of an
appellate ruling that could require a jury
trial not only for Nichols but also for dozens of other Occupy protesters.

Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com

Hall
Monitor

Sam Adams Gets It Right
by Denis C. Theriault

NEWS

THE ALMOST controversial hearing last
week where Mayor Sam Adams rallied
Portland City Council to unanimously appeal a state order that he reinstate the
fired cop who killed Aaron Campbell in
2010 played out with a bit less drama than
expected.
Neither side—the community advocates supporting the mayor, or the Portland
Police Association (PPA), which is backing former officer Ron Frashour—drew
many spectators to council chambers last
Thursday, October 4. And the vote to take
the case to the Oregon Court of Appeals,
having been telegraphed by every single
city commissioner beforehand, played out
mostly perfunctorily.
Only a couple of times did the tepid proceedings even get a little more than lukewarm. The first came during a long, telephoned-in condemnation of the unarmed,
distraught Campbell’s death and the PPA’s
response from a vacationing Randy Leonard. Then, when the PPA’s counsel, Will
Aitchison, was building his way to a rousing rebuttal of Leonard’s statements, Adams bloodlessly cut him off when his allotted three minutes expired.
But given the way the rhetoric around
the Campbell shooting has, at times,
threatened to boil over (the words “keg
of powder” were bandied about after an
arbitrator first ordered Frashour back
to work this spring), that relative civility
isn’t insignificant.
And Adams—sticking his neck out in
search of an answer to the question of who,
ultimately, is in charge of our police bureau—is entitled to a victory bow.
Not only did he cajole his colleagues
into waging a long-shot legal fight—
although, sources say, he didn’t have to
persuade them all that much—he’s also
been able to expertly manage community expectations. Slowly, deftly, as his
fight has raged on, he’s helped deflate
much of the outrage that’s been simmering ever since Campbell’s death nearly
three years ago.
Testimony from those who did show
up at city hall last week was particularly
revealing.
For the first time, you could hear advocates allowing for the likelihood that the
city’s challenge will fall short.
In a comment endorsed by Portland
Copwatch’s Dan Handelman, frequent city
hall gadfly Joe Walsh urged the city to be
ready with a “Plan B”: keeping Frashour
from returning to the streets.
“If you lose that case,” Walsh said, “assign that man to a desk with superglue.
So he’ll never be able to move.”
Just six months ago, even the idea that
Frashour would once more wear his uniform was anathema to advocates. Now,
they’re coming around to it. And here’s
what that means: Even if Adams’ legal
gambit does fail, he’ll have succeeded at
something else just as important: keeping
the peace.
October 11, 2012 Portland Mercury 7

body beaUtifUl
october 13–20, 2012
keller aUditoriUm

Gods and muses, athletes and artists inspire
an epic evening of dance in concert with the
Portland Art Museum’s Fall 2012 the body
beautiful in ancient greece exhibition.

OMEN MAKE LESS money than men.
Old news. And yet! So fresh! So new! It’s
still the sad reality all over the country, even in
earthy, equity-spouting places like Portland.
Sure, we rip off ladies less than most of
America does. In Portland, women working fulltime make 85 percent of what men bring home,
compared to 77 percent nationally, says a new
report from the National Partnership for Women
and Families. Education helps everyone make
more, but it doesn’t decrease the gap.
There are a bunch of reasons why women
are paid less than men: We’re more likely to
take time off for our families, for example, and
we’re more likely to enter lower-paying careers.
But classic sexism isn’t off the hook here.
According to a new analysis from Boston
University, reported in the New York Times,
even college-educated women in their 20s,
working full-time with no kids, make 87 percent
of what men in their 20s with no kids and college degrees make. No kids, working the same
hours, with the same education—13 cents lost
from every dollar. It’s a 13 percent sexism tax,
levied by employers, directed to a general fund
marked “pockets.”
In the presidential debate last week, both
candidates talked in circles about taxes, taxes,
and taxes. But I’m not crossing my fingers that
either dude will ever mention the sexism tax—
they uttered the word “woman” once in the entire 90-minute domestic policy debate: for an
anocdote where a woman begged Mitt to help
her husband get a job. Gah.
At least this routine shortchanging is on the
table in Oregon politics. Oregon’s Council on
Civil Rights met last week to discuss the wage
gap; they’re digging into the numbers and trying to figure out why we continue to underpay
women to the tune of nearly $10,000 each
and every year.
“There are a lot of white males out there
trying to make sure we don’t see what we’re
talking about right now,” said council member,
radio host, and general hilarious person Carl
Wolfson. “There are a lot of people who want all
these voices cut out.”
“We need to quit making this a ‘women’s issue.’ We need to make men understand that they
will pay the price for underpaying women,” said
councilor Mary Botkin. “They’ll pay the bill at the
end of our careers when we’re on Medicare.”
The valid question here is how the state—

$1

W

“We need to
quit making
this a ‘women’s
issue.’”
-Oregon Council on Civil Rights
Member Mary Botkin
for all its good intentions—can actually do
anything about the wage gap. Underpaying
women has been illegal in Oregon since 1955,
when the state passed an Equal Pay Act eight
years before Congress. That’s right, the same
year Rosa Parks was arrested and people rioted at an Elvis concert, Oregon declared that
men and women would be paid the same money for the same work. We’ve been working at
wage-equality-under-law for 57 years and we
still haven’t gotten there.
These days, Labor Commissioner Brad
Avakian says he wants to start some sort of
process to systematically evaluate whether Oregon companies have equal pay scales, rather
than just responding to employee complaints.
The civil rights council isn’t going to draft
some kind of mind-blowing radical culturechange policy that persuades men to become
nurses and bosses to promote women. Unequal pay clearly isn’t going to go away just because the government says it should. Instead,
the best we can push for from government is
a more effective method of whittling down that
sexism tax. It’s up to the rest of culture to make
the wage gap really old news.

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by Mercury staff

This Friday, October 12, marks the final
deadline for Portland’s fluoridation opponents to submit 19,868 voter signatures and
put a fluoride project unanimously approved
by Portland City Council on hold until a special election in 2014. Last Thursday, October 4, advocates for Clean Water Portland
announced they were just about in reach of
that goal. The group said it collected more
than 20,000 signatures after only three
weeks of trying, with plans to collect 10,000
more by the deadline. The group wants a
little bit of a cushion just in case some of
the signatures they’ve collected aren’t valid.
DENIS C. THERIAULT
A police report and other documents providing even more details on mayoral candidate Jefferson Smith’s dropped assault citation—including the firsthand account of
the woman Smith injured—were released
Monday, October 8, by the Oregonian and

NEWS

Willamette Week. The documents back up
some of what Smith has said about the incident at an off-campus college party in Eugene, namely that he was trying to fend off
the woman after someone tipped or shook
the couch she was sleeping on. But the
woman said Smith used his fist, contrary to
Smith’s recollections, and that Smith had
tried to persuade her to sleep with him at
an earlier party that day. DCT
The rest of the country is starting to think
a little more like Oregon, at least when it
comes to religion. A new study from the Pew
Forum on Religion and Public Life found
that nearly 20 percent of Americans don’t
identify with any specific religion—up
from 15 percent five years ago. Oregon and
Washington are the least traditionally religious states in the country, with 25 percent
of us not identifying as a member of any religious group. SARAH MIRK

Sexing up
Wordstock
Portland’s Little Book Fair Is Growing Up
by Alison Hallett

E

VERY YEAR, Wordstock’s organizers grapple with the same isers! Who knew?); and Robopocalypse author Daniel H. Wilson, as well
sues: How to transform the Oregon Convention Center from
as popular young-adult author David Levithan (co-author of Nick
a soulless showroom floor into a literary hub. How to help
and Norah’s Infinite Playlist).
interested readers find points of entry into a packed lineup of auBut beyond the spotlighted authors, the schedule’s readings
thors, and how to ensure the festival reaches beyond the conand author panels offer plenty worth seeking out: Jess Walter
vention center’s halls to the city at large. Wordstock’s previous
reads from his great Beautiful Ruins, Portland staple Kevin
director, Greg Netzer, made huge strides toward expanding the
Sampsell and up-and-comer Chloe Caldwell team up to read
Oregon Convention Center,
scope of the festival, a legacy that lives on this year with extrafrom their respective memoirs, and local Pulitzer Prize-winning
777 NE MLK, Sat Oct 13-Sun Oct 14,
curricular events like a Live Wire! taping and an opening-night
journalists discuss the tricks of their trade.
10 am-6 pm, $7 a day or $10
poetry slam. And this year, new director Katie Merritt has put
Sex is one of the festival’s themes this year, along with jourfor the weekend,
her own stamp on the festival by making the book fair itself more
nalism and dystopian novels, and the showroom floor will include
wordstockfestival.com
dynamic than ever before. In other words: There will be sex toys.
an adults-only “Red Chair District,” with erotica writers and pubThis year’s lineup offers fewer of the big names that fest-goers
lishers, sex toy purveyors She Bop, and dramatic readings of missed
have come to expect—there’s no Jennifer Egan, no Jonathan Lethem,
connections ads. Furthering the grownup fun, the Wordstock bar has been
no Richard Dawkins. Headlining authors include Erin Morgenstern, author
expanded—oh, and the Mercury is teaming up with our sister paper The Stranger
of The Night Circus; Studio 360’s Kurt Andersen (he also writes political thrill- for a free Wordstock afterparty you won’t wanna miss.

Wordstock
Festival

Sex

How to

Advice on Hooking Up
by the staff of The Stranger

I

N LIGHT of Wordstock’s new adults-only area, here’s a relevant excerpt from
How to Be a Person, a new advice book
from the hilarious and all-too-experienced
writers at Seattle alt-weekly The Stranger.
Lindy West, Christopher Frizzelle, and
Bethany Jean Clement will be presenting
their advice in person at Wordstock (Sunday, 11 am); plus, on Saturday, Frizzelle
and Clement will go head-to-head against
the Mercury’s Alison Hallett and Bobby Roberts at “When We Were Young and Dumb,” a
competitive storytelling show/Wordstock afterparty with drink specials for Wordstock

attendees. (Jack London Bar, 529 SW 4th,
Sat Oct 13, 8 pm, free)

How to Get with a Girl
if You Are a Boy
Here’s the main thing: Don’t be creepy. Girls
can smell your weird, insecure, predatory creepin’ from a mile away (hint: It smells like DiGiorno and Axe body spray!). Groom yourself,
don’t try too hard, don’t use pick-up lines, don’t
stare, and try to visibly have fun. People (women are people!) like to be around people who are
.......................................................Continued on pg. 13

fun. Don’t be too aggressive, but don’t be too
timid. Most importantly, talk to women like they
are humans with interests and lives and things
to say, not just fleshy collections of holes that
you would like to put your penis into. Oh, and
please don’t wear sandals. No one wants to look
at your weird toes.

How to Get with a Boy
if You Are a Girl
First of all, how high are your standards? Do
you exist? A lot of men will sleep with you
based solely on that. Unfortunately, many of
those men are hoboes. If you’re trying to bag
some landed gentry (or at least a renter), here’s
what’s up: Put on some makeup (not too much).
Show some skin (not too much). Find someone
who can consistently cut your hair in a flattering
way. Before you go out, listen to the dirtiest rap
music you can find. Leave the house. Smile a lot.
Convince yourself that if you were a man, you
would definitely want to have sex with you. Believe it. Then project that confidence. Don’t be

How to Get with a Gay/Lesbian
if You Are a Gay/Lesbian
Oh, it’s all the same as for the straights—have
good hygiene, be an interesting person, don’t
talk with your mouth full. The key difference
for gay people is that you have to come out of
the closet before anything else: People who are
out are much healthier and happier (and thus
more datable) than people who are closeted. If
you’re a gay man, being in the closet will force
you into a never-ending spiral of secrecy and
stress and sex in bathrooms. If you’re a lesbian, you’ll have the spiral of secrecy and stress
without the sex in bathrooms. For the love of
god, come out of the closet already, make an
account on a gay dating site, join a club or get
a hobby that will force you to interact with
other gay peers, and if you’re old enough, hit
the bars. The gay rights movement started in
a bar, after all.

A Whole New Theme

W

by Thomas Ross

ORDSTOCK’S THEMES for this year’s festival are journalism, dystopia, and sex. If
you’re the ghost of Hunter S. Thompson, that probably sounds like a blast. But just
in case you’re not the ghost of Hunter S. Thompson, here are some recommendations for tantalizing readings, conversations, and workshops grouped by alternate themes:

reading alongside Storm Large (Comcast Stage, Sat
noon), and as a guest on the Wordstock Extravaganza
edition of Live Wire! (Aladdin Theater, Sat 8 pm).

God Complexes

We can forgive a certain arrogance in writers. They
often, after all, are creators of entire worlds and their
inhabitants. Often, however, writers’ interests in mythologies both contemporary and ancient are mixes of
reverence and irreverence, belief and skepticism, old
and new ways of seeing. For instance:
 Putting Words in the Mouth of God (panel, Work
for Art Stage, Sat 11 am)
 Poetry from Bruce Beasley’s Theophobia and Suzanne Paola’s The Lives of Saints (author appearance, Attic Institute Stage, Sat 3 pm)
 Poetry from Andrew Feld’s Raptor (author appearance, Attic Institute Stage, Sat 4 pm)
 Author Erin O’Connell and illustrator Diana Thewlis’
Loowit’s Legend: The Story of the Columbia River
Gorge (author appearance, KinderCare Stage, Sun
11 am)
 Nonfiction from Colin Dickey’s Afterlives of the
Saints: Stories from the Ends of Faith (author appearance, OCT Stage, Sun noon)

Wordstock
for Writers
Learn How to Stalk
an Editor without
Getting Arrested

W

by Joe Streckert

ORDSTOCK is so much
more than just an opportunity to see authors: It’s also a gigantic resource for aspiring
writers. In addition to
panels and signings, the
fest has workshops for
would-be wordsmiths,
and the exhibition hall’s myriad tables offer publishing opportunities of varying sorts.
Do any of Wordstock’s resources for writers actually aid
and abet the careers of potential writers? In my own limited
case: absolutely.
In 2009, my writing “career” consisted of naught but a blog
and a single item on the McSweeney’s website. I had unformed
aspirations about getting into nonfiction, but no real idea how I
could get my work in front of an editor’s eyeballs. So I thumbed
through Wordstock’s list of workshops, and found one that looked
useful to an entry-level writer.
The particular panel I attended was called “The Business of
Freelancing,” by former freelancer and editor Laurie Sandell. I
chose Sandell’s workshop not because she’d done things that I
liked (she’d worked for Us magazine, of all things), but because
she very obviously had her shit together. For the better part of
an hour Sandell taught me and a roomful of eager proto-writers
how to craft a pitch letter, what editors look for, how to list our
writing credits, and (very importantly) the fine art of stalking
editors. What had been mysterious she elucidated, and I left
knowing that I could actually make a go of it as a freelancer.
A week later, I had my first paid writing gig, which I found
at Wordstock. I worked for several websites after that, and did
a stint as a blogger for the Daily Journal of Commerce. I’ve attended other Wordstock workshops since and, while Sandell’s
was the most useful, I can safely say that they are not in fact a
waste of time or money.
Thanks to Wordstock, I am a shining paragon of freelance-y success. I make not merely tens, but in fact hundreds of dollars a year
as a Professional Writer. My highly correct opinions about things
like TV and books grace the pages of the fine publication before you,
and each day I bask in the warm glow of being published in the finest birdcage liner in all of Portland. I owe it all to Wordstock. Well,
Wordstock and McSweeney’s. But mainly Wordstock.
So what workshops are right for you, Aspiring Writer? I’ve
preferred ones that veer toward the business and publishing
side of things. There are lots of wonderful books about becoming a better writer, and writers’ groups and classes can be found
relatively easily. However, slipping into the domain of the published is about more than just writing well. Two panels, “Your
Foot in the Door” (Sunday, 9 am) and “Crafting a Killer First
Page” (Saturday, noon), are explicitly about making good initial
impressions on editors. Another, called “Triage: A Better Way to
Revise” (Saturday, 1:30 pm) focuses on the most annoying but essential part of writing. Also of note this year is a workshop called
“Tell It Out Loud: Performance for Writers” (Sunday, 10:30 am).
Given the popularity of live readings and the ascendance of digital audio books, writers are often performers as well, and public
speaking is a highly feared, and little talked about, element of an
author’s career.
October 11, 2012 Portland Mercury 13

Th

ww

Gerding Theater at the Armory
128 NW Eleventh Avenue

503.445.3700

pcs.org

“…a delectable blend of the macabre and the playful, the sensationalist and the serious, the grisly and the gristly,

MUSIC AND LYRICS BY STEPHEN SONDHEIM · BOOK BY HUGH WHEELER
FROM AN ADAPTATION BY CHRISTOPHER BOND · DIRECTED BY CHRIS COLEMAN

NOW–OCTOBER 21

Tasca &
Paul Gulick
Helen &
Jerry Stern

14 Portland Mercury October 11, 2012

B e fo re Yo u T
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Locals Only

SHORT-TERM PROGRAMS,

LIFELONG CAREER

Portland Loves Coffee, Puppies,
and Space Ants

T

HAIR • SKIN • NAILS

by Joe Streckert

HIS YEAR, Wordstock has no shortage of opportunities for Portlanders to
gaze adoringly at their city. Viewed through the lens of Wordstock’s offerings, Portland seems like a dynamic and, dare we say it, cultured place.
Some highlights:

NOW ENROLLING

877.507.0903

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13

Financial Aid available to those who qualify
Accredited by NACCAS | Programs vary by location | Career Placement assistance for graduates
For Gainful Employment disclosures, visit www.marinello.com/disclosure

Local Historians!

Jewel Lansing’s Portland: People, Politics, and Power is a pretty good single volume history of
Portland. Lansing and co-author Fred Leeson have a new book Multnomah: The Tumultuous
Story of Oregon’s Most Populous County. OCT Stage, noon

Local Book That Chuck Palahniuk Liked!

Chuck Palahniuk called James Bernard Frosts’ A Very Minor Prophet “the best novel, ever,
about [Portland’s] strange underground world of misfits and heroes.” We have heroes? Work
for Art Stage, 1 pm

Portland

2540 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd

Defining Beauty Education Since 1905

PRTMERC1011PRT

Marinello_PM(Portland)_100512_4.75x6.625_4clr.indd 1

marinello.com
10/5/2012 3:30:02 PM

Local Coffee!

Hanna Neuschwander’s Left Coast Roast is all about coffee roasting on the West Coast. It’s a
book that will inevitably mention Stumptown Coffee Roasters, which, in all probability, you are
consuming at this precise moment. Work for Art Stage, 1 pm

Local Self-Published Phenomenon!

If you’re going to read one book by an anonymous writer about dating an alcoholic and also
doing battle with a horde of ravenous space ants, read Love Is Not Constantly Wondering
if You Are Making the Biggest Mistake of Your Life. It is lovely and heartbreaking, and the
second half happens in Portland. OCT Stage, 5 pm

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14
Local Pulitzer-Havers!

Three local Pulitzer-winning journalists, Tom Hallman Jr., Nigel Jaquiss, and Richard Read, will
discuss just what it was they did to win big shiny newspaper trophies. Comcast Stage, noon

Local Book About a Dog!

John Skewes’ Larry Gets Lost in Portland is a kids’ book about a dog who gets lost in
Portland. Presumably, the pooch is found snout-deep in Voodoo Doughnuts. KinderCare
Stage, noon

Local Science-Fiction Guy!

Daniel H. Wilson’s Robopocalypse got snapped up to be a Spielberg-backed film before it
even reached paperback. Gaze upon him with envy, aspiring fiction-makers. McMenamins
Stage, 2 pm

Local Literary Journal!

Tin House’s latest issue is all about twin homes, Portland and Brooklyn. The very juxtaposition
of the two places invites eyerolls, but a preliminary review (okay, Mercury Arts Editor Alison
Hallett’s) underscores the difference between the two places. Work for Art Stage, 4 pm

Local Kevin Sampsell!

Kevin Sampsell is some guy who works at Powell’s. He wrote a book. He’ll probably sign it
for you. OCT Stage, 4 pm

Local Decemberist!

Colin Meloy and Carson Ellis’ Under Wildwood is, naturally, their follow-up to their first book
Wildwood, a delightful fantasy book about a girl from Portland. Do not pretend you’re too cool
to like this. Comcast Stage, 5 pm

adVaNce tickets thrOugh all ticketsWest lOcatiONs, safeWay, music milleNNium. tO charge by phONe please call 503.224.8499

MY, WHAT A BUSY WEEK!

SOLD

OUT

OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF OCTOBER 11-17
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11
GOTHAM ROCKS—Two great New York
bands have teamed up for a joint tour that
lands in Portland tonight. Hospitality’s selftitled debut is a fetching, exuberant record
that’s smartly poppy without being precious.
And TEEN’s In Limbo is equal parts sunshine
and murk, with terrific melodies atop a roiling,
occasionally trippy wash of sound. NL
w/Minden; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside,
9 pm, $12

VEEP!—Here’s why vice-presidential debates
are the greatest debates: (1) They tend to be
nastier and pull fewer punches compared to the
stately affair that is the presidential debate, and (2)
they could not be more irrelevant. So grab a drink,
and laugh your ass off as VP “Crazy” Joe Biden
takes on wannabe Paul “I’m a Liar” Ryan! WSH
Back Stage Bar, 3702 SE Hawthorne,
doors 5 pm, debate 6 pm (get there early!),
FREE, 21+

COOKY DANCE—Every month, DJ Cooky
Parker breaks out his old soul 45s for a
sweaty-dancin’ goodtime in the Eagles
Lodge, home to enough American flags
to turn even Benedict Arnold patriotic.
The drinks are criminally cheap, the tunes
are astoundingly good, and the crowd is
surprisingly un-cruisey. SM
Eagles Lodge, 4904 SE Hawthorne,
9 pm, $5, 21+

FASHIONxt and Déjà Vu
by Marjorie Skinner

EARLY OCTOBER on Swan Island typically attracts an unusual crowd to the industrial shipping
yards usually inhabited by the wearers of hard
hats and operators of cranes. It’s the favored site
of a series of grand-scale, polished-production
fashion shows that have, in years past, flown under the banner of Portland Fashion Week, where
coiffed and stiletto-heeled partygoers take in
new apparel designs from an often jumbled selection of designers near and far.
This year, things are different. Portland Fashion Week has re-branded itself as FASHIONxt
(pronounced “Fashion Next”), taking a new tack
in hopes of fusing an interest in new clothing with
an enthusiasm for developments in personal technology. According to Executive Producer Prasenjit
Tito Chowdhury, whose day job at Intel entrenches

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13
WORDSTOCK—Portland’s annual festival boasts themes
of sex and dystopia this year, plus the usual book lover’s
happy place of panels, readings, and general bookwallowing. AND! Join the Mercury and The Stranger at
the Jack London for an unofficial afterparty with drink
specials and a no-holds-barred storytelling face-off that
pits Stranger writers against Mercury staff, where deep,
dark youthful indiscretions will be revealed. AH
Wordstock, Oregon Convention Center,
777 NE MLK, Sat-Sun 10 am-6 pm,
wordstockfestival.com; afterparty at the Jack
London Bar, 529 SW 4th, Sat 8 pm, FREE, 21+

NO SLEEP—Capping off a week of design-related festivities
is shoe store/party maker Solestruck’s Déjà Vu, celebrating
the one-year anniversary of their location with fashion from
near and far (Hello Eliza, Degen, Stolen Girlfriends
Club), a jewelry installation, plus live music from
ass-kickers YACHT and White Rainbow,
followed by an afterparty at
Dig a Pony. MS
The Spot, 2401 N Harding,
7 pm, $15-18; afterparty
at Dig a Pony, 736 SE
Grand

SSUNDAY,
UNDAY, OCTOBER 14
BOO—A beloved Hallow
Halloween-season tradition for families and stoners
alike, FrightTown
FrightTo
is one of the largest and best-produced
basement-dwelli
basement-dwelling haunted houses around. Reel from horror
to horror w
with three themed productions: a museum of
the gro
grotesque, the frontlines of a zombie plague,
and the self-explanatory “Black Box.”
Eeeeeeeeek! MS
Memo
Memorial Coliseum, 300 Winning Way, 7-10 pm,
th
through Oct 31, $15-20, complete schedule
at frighttown.com

ZOMBIE TIME—After a mostly lackluster second
season, zombies gonna be losin’ some heads
in the season three premiere of The Walking
Dead! Expect a not-so-safe new hidey-hole for the
survivors, the mysterious Michonne, and LOTS of
crushed, blood-squirting zombie skulls. (It’s extra
fun watching the carnage on the big screen at the
Hollywood!) WSH
Hosted by cortandfatboy, Hollywood Theatre,
4122 NE Sandy, 7 pm, FREE, 21+

IAN MALCOLM—Few blockbusters are
as much fun—and have held up as well—
as Jurassic Park, Steven Spielberg’s
popcorn epic about what happens when
velociraptors get into kitchens. See it
this week as it was meant to be seen—on a
big screen, in 35mm, with the T. rex’s roars
cranked up to rattle your brain. EH
Academy Theater, 7818 SE Stark, see Movie
Times on pg. 47 for showtimes, $4

TUESDAY,
TU
UESDAY, OCTOBER
OC
16
OBAMA > OSAMA—The second of three
presidential debates is about domestic
and foreign policy, which means Barack Obama
will have even more time to boast about the slaying
of Osama bin Laden, while also explaining why
he’ll be way better than Willard Romney for the
99 percent of Americans who aren’t stinking rich
plutocrats. DCT
Back Stage Bar, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 6 pm,
FREE, 21+

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER
WEDNESDAY
O
17
STRIPPAHS, BOOZE, HISTORY—Things you’ll learn from the
Historic Strip Club Tour from local podcast Kick Ass Oregon
History: how to hold your booze; how to invert your shimmy on
one of three stripper poles in the party bus; the more you give
to strippers, the fewer clothes they’ll wear; and oh yeah,
probably some history. CF
Meet at Jack London Bar, 529 SW 4th, 6:15 pm,
$35, 21+

JIVE AND WAIL—The cool, smoky R&B of Nick
Waterhouse has all of its vintage accoutrements
perfectly on display, but Waterhouse is no blast
from the past. By injecting his soul shakedowns
with sweat, tears, and even a little blood, these lostin-time sounds have never sounded more alive. NL
w/Allah-Las, DJ Beyondadoubt; Star Theater,
13 NW 6th, 9 pm, $10

DEGEN
him in the tech world, it’s a response to the fact that
tech devices like phones and iPads have evolved
into extensions of people’s personal style. The
problem Chowdhury has identified, and intends
to bridge, is a marriage between “left- and rightbrain business models,” introducing new products
like Intel’s new “Personal Cloud” and the curious,
scooter-like Boxx vehicle at the event.
As an outlier in the fashion world, Portland
has often been perceived as needing a hook in
order to attract designers from out of town for
Fashion Week; first it was green fashion, and
now it’s this. Somewhere along the way, after
sending a number of our up-and-coming talents
into the reality-TV jaws of Project Runway, we’ve
also become something of a Mecca for former
contestants of the show, with no less than seven
of the show’s designers spread out over the
span of four nights.
Those seeking an alternative to the bright
lights and looming freights will find an alternative in Déjà Vu, a first-time fashion presentation
of small, independent designers—again, from
Portland as well as elsewhere in the country—that doubles as the one-year anniversary
of Solestruck’s downtown flagship location. A
simple shoe store it may be, but it has dared to
offer Portlanders access to a more outrageous,
experimental side of footwear, something retailers in the past have shied away from risking on
our supposedly conservative sensibilities. Look
for similarly minded designs from Portland’s
Hello Eliza, New York lines Degen and Bess,
and more, paired with live performances from
YACHT and White Rainbow.
Your pick. FASHIONxt at Vigor Industrial
Shipyard, 5555 N Channel, Wed Oct 10-Sat
Oct 13, 8 pm nightly, $25-150; Déjà Vu at the
Spot, 2401 N Harding, Sat Oct 13, 7 pm, $1518, 21+

October 11, 2012 Portland Mercury 17

DEGEN

MUSIC

On Her Own Terms

Corin Tucker Redefines Mom Rock by Alison Hallett
LIKE “MOM HAIR” and “mom sweater,” both career and family, without offering
“mom rock” is a derisive term with under- any real answers as to how to do that. In
this context, Tucker singing
tones of panic. That haircut is
dorky, and oh my god I don’t Corin Tucker Band about how she’s returned to
Sat Oct 13
her work after taking some
want to turn into my mother.
Bunk Bar
time off to raise her kids
With their new album Kill
1028 SE Water
feels just as revolutionary as
My Blues, the Corin Tucker
Band continues to redefi ne mom rock, anything she ever wrote with Heavens to
from “music made by feathery-haired men Betsy. (To be fair, when Tucker unleashwhom middle-aged women inexplicably es her signature belt, she could probably
find attractive” to serious music made by make ordering a Cobb salad sound like a
working moms themselves. Kill My Blues call to arms.)
Just about everything you need to know
is tough, it’s fun, it’s focused, and it’s rock
’n’ roll in the truest sense—sometimes you about Kill Your Blues can be gleaned from
go onstage covered in someone else’s puke. the fi rst song. “Groundhog Day” is a wakeThis is not to suggest that every song up call, for the listener and for Tucker
on Kill My Blues is about motherhood, herself. Dubbing herself “Rip Van Winkle
or that being a parent is the band’s only in a denim mini-skirt,” she explains that
touchstone. But frontwoman Corin Tuck- she “took some time off to be a mom, have
er and drummer Sara Lund are working some kids,” before lamenting how little
mothers—they took their kids on tour progress the women’s movement has made
for 2010’s 1,000 Years, where a bout with in the last 20 years. “Almost equal/almost
stomach flu saw Lund cleaning up toddler good enough/almost had a woman go and
puke moments before taking the stage. run the White House…/We fight the same
“That’s the unglamorous reality of parent- battle/again, again, again/What are we
ing,” says Tucker over lunch at Tabor Tav- missing?/How can we move on?”
“When I was 20 and coming into the
ern. “It’s a super demanding job. But it’s
also deeply rewarding in a way you can’t women’s movement, we were really focused on protecting Roe v. Wade, and the
really imagine.”
It might seem retrograde to focus on whole idea of equal pay for equal work,”
the fact that Tucker is a mom as well as Tucker explains. “Those were two longa musician, but Kill My Blues arrives term goals for the women’s movement, and
in a cultural climate that schizophreni- I’m kind of surprised that 20 years later
cally insists women should prioritize they’re still on the agenda.”

Runnin’ Down a Dream

MUSIC

Alexis Gideon’s Art-Opera-Movie Thing by Ned Lannamann

ALEXIS GIDEON’S work takes a little II: Sun Wu-Kong came from an epic 16th
explaining. It’s the defi nition of multi- century Chinese novel—but the resultant
disciplinary art, encompassing music, work feels fully contemporary. Gideon is
an idiosyncratic artist, particunarrative, fi lm, visual art, and
more. His latest project, Video Alexis Gideon larly in terms of Portland muThurs Oct 11
sic, but he’s an absolutely vital
Musics III: Floating Oceans,
Hollywood Theatre
and visionary one. The breadth
is a reinterpretation of the sto4122 NE Sandy
and scope of his work currently
ries of early-20th-century Irish
writer Lord Dunsany, set to music com- makes him one of the most important figposed and performed entirely by Gideon, ures in this city’s artistic landscape.
Video Musics III: Floating Oceans is
and rendered in stop-motion animation by
Gideon and artist Cynthia Star (Coraline). a strange series of fables, following a proIt’s an opera and a fi lm, and it’s also a live tagonist through his day-to-day mundane
musical performance, as Gideon sings and reality, which gradually gives way to surplays many of the musical parts while the real dreamscapes. Gideon and writing colfi lm screens overhead. Gideon typically laborator Jacob Rubin initially wanted to
performs in clubs and art galleries across base their work on Flann O’Brien’s novel
the US and Europe, and—in the case of The Third Policeman, but video director
the hometown premiere for Video Musics Meiert Avis held the rights. “The upshot of
it was I couldn’t do the project,” says Gideon.
III—a movie theater.
If any of this makes Gideon’s work “And instead of seeing that as a dead end,
sound stuffy and highbrow, rest assured I was like, okay, what does this mean? It
that it isn’t. Rather, it’s entirely playful made me think about deconstructionism,
and accessible; Gideon frequently nar- and every text being a rewrite of a previrates in rapid-flow rap, and his music in- ous text, and of future texts waiting to be
corporates fiery, progressive-tinged rock rewritten. I thought, ‘Maybe I can arrive at
alongside ambient, classical, and folk ele- what I want to arrive at by looking at what
ments. His sources are literary, and often influenced Flann O’Brien.’ So I did research
ancient—the fi rst Video Musics retold and I found Lord Dunsany, whose work also
Hungarian folk tales, and Video Musics happened to be in the public domain. And it
18 Portland Mercury October 11, 2012

Tucker’s voice swaggers on “Groundhog
Day” like it hasn’t since her days as the vocal heavy in Sleater-Kinney. It sets the tone
for an album of hooks and bravado, of diversity and range, of thunderous, bass-heavy
rock songs, piano-driven blues, and playful,
skittering pop numbers. After the strippeddown 1,000 Years, the band’s sound is fuller,
the hooks catchier, and Tucker’s vocals brim
with urgency and playfulness.
“Kill My Blues is about thinking about

your place in the world, and your frustration with that, and the ups and downs of
being 40,” says Tucker. “It’s sort of a halfway point in your life. A lot of different
things come with that—in terms of looking at what really matters, and what you
wanna do with your time.”
Oh yeah—and you can dance to it. “We
have a fitness agenda with this record,”
jokes Tucker. It’s tempting to frame this
relatively upbeat, political album as Tucker’s “return to her riot grrrl roots,” but
Kill My Blues is the work of a mature artist, a musician whose career was unabashedly shaped by both motherhood and feminism, and who continues to make music on
no one’s terms but her own.

CORIN TUCKER BAND Cheer up, man! Everybody likes your Devo shirt!

ended up actually being better. I love The
Third Policeman, but I think that this piece
is better than if we had been able to make
The Third Policeman.”
Over 38 minutes, Gideon and Star’s
stop-motion characters tumble through a
gorgeous series of scenes (artists Matylda
Osceola, Tasha Zack, Jamin London Tinsel, and Melody Owen contributed to the
costumes and sets), fi nding the shrinking
space between the dream world and reality. It’s a beautiful and weird movie, or
piece of music, or whatever it is—a story,
fundamentally. Any tendencies toward

esotericism are tethered in by Gideon’s
excellent, fi rm-handed musical lead.
“The music creates the arc,” he explains, “and I think that’s important for
me and my work. It’s something that differentiates it from other narrative animation, where the music is always integral,
but having the music actually being what
the animation is based on—and not vice
versa—makes a big difference in just the
pacing and time. I’m much more confident
in creating an arc that works musically, so
I think for me, it’s a really a good place to
start for the timing to feel right.”

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AS A SLIVER of the setting sun of the it—you speak to it. That’s why I’m a mu1960s lingered on the horizon, Detroit- sical politico.”
But the man who unblinkingba sed, Mex ica n- descended
Rodriguez
ly chronicled the ’60s is not some
Sixto Rodriguez released Cold
Sat Oct 13
sentimental burnout locked in a
Fact in 1970. The songs were
Wonder Ballroom
bygone era. “I like to consider
smashing, pretty, and poppy,
128 NE Russell
myself contemporary in a very
yet wordy and wicked, shrinking heads like Bob Dylan, backed by the real way,” he told me.
Besides touring with a band who could
shadows of Motown.
At the time, no one in America seemed almost be his grandchildren, Rodriguez
to care. A second album fared as poorly as is in tune with modern music. He likes
the fi rst. Deemed a commercial failure, the dance-forward features of techno and
Rodriguez was dropped from his label. In- electronica. Recently, after performing
an opening slot, he was introduced to the
terest seemed to dry up.
Half a world away, however, Rodri- members of Animal Collective.
“I got to have a little drink of whiskey
guez’s music was fi nding an audience. In
South Africa he became the soundtrack to with them, too,” Rodriguez said, giddy like
the apartheid era, emboldening hearts while enflaming government. His records were banned, only elevating the fervor. According to a recent New York
Times piece, “In South Africa, Rodriguez had become
as popular as the Rolling
Stones or Elvis Presley.”
But Rodriguez himself
never got word. He remained in Detroit, receiving no royalties, working
construction, and hacking
out menial labor. In South
HAL WILSON
RODRIGUEZ Hanging out on your back porch since 1973.
Africa, meanwhile, rumors
swirled. The man became myth. Many a fan. He’s been listening to their records
since. He’s particularly impressed with
thought he was dead.
In the late ’90s, thanks to a burgeoning their amalgamation of elements from difinternet, South Africa found Rodriguez, ferent genres. “Young bloods,” Rodriguez
and brought him over for a six-show tour said. “It’s their world.”
Yet it seems young bloods have someof the country in 1998. A documentary,
Searching for Sugar Man (which won a thing to take from Rodriguez as well. And
Sundance Audience Award), was released I can’t help but wonder about the timing. Is
earlier this year. Though the fi lm is largely it just because Rodriguez’s records—Cold
responsible for the current surge of Amer- Fact in particular—deserve to be waved
ican interest, Rodriguez has been touring before us once more? Or is there something
semi-regularly through Europe, Austra- about this time? Something about our receplia, and South Africa since returning to tiveness to his feel and sound that resonates
in today’s America more than it did before?
the stage in ’98.
I spoke by phone with Rodriguez at his And, furthermore, is there some similar
home in Detroit. Unlike the sometimes undercurrent between apartheid-era South
cold, benevolent witness in his songs, Ro- Africa and today’s America?
I seek not to answer these questions.
driguez was warm, upbeat, and personable. He harbors no ill will toward his Only one thing I know for sure—that Rodriguez has a number of songs that are of a
twisted cosmic fate.
“Right now,” Rodriguez told me, “I’m time but also timeless, including: “Crucify
Your Mind,” on existentialism; “I Wonon top of the world.”
In late September, I saw Rodriguez der,” on assessing new love and society
perform at the El Rey Theatre in Los at large; “Jane S. Piddy,” on phonies; and
Angeles. His bandmates, San Francisco’s “Like Janis,” on the lonesome ebbing of
splendid, syrupy, searing garage maestros the ’60s cultural wave.
Almost as remarkable as the tale of
the Fresh and Onlys, led him to the microphone. Though he is all but blind, Rodri- Rodriguez’s being lost and found is how
guez can still goddamn sing. He began the the spirit of his music seems to almost
evening mostly silent, shrouded in shad- foresee it—not in terms of details, or faith
ows of sunglasses and a wide-brimmed in a happy ending, but in a profound and
hat. But as he and the band settled in, a peaceful acceptance that life is often ambivalent, severe, and unknowable. Indeed,
more opalescent man emerged.
“I’m a solid 70,” Rodriguez pronounced Rodriguez was nothing if not prepared for
to great cheers. He continued to unfurl, the strange and, some would say, unjust
sharing jokes and tales from Detroit, and fate that found him.
Then again, there can be no surprise—
offering support for Barack Obama and
at least not from the man who sings: “I
medical marijuana.
“Knowledge in itself is nothing,” Ro- was born for the purpose that crucifies
driguez told me. “It’s what you do with your mind.”

EVEN FOR a scholar of Woods’ steadily writing approach on Bend, too. The album
overwhelming catalog of music, their new embraces the jammy components of their
recent past, allowing Earl’s
LP, Bend Beyond, revels in evoWoods
high-pitched falsetto warble to
lutionary subtleties. Given that
Fri Oct 12
drive, while also allowing midthe Brooklyn-bred psych-folk
Mississippi Studios
song tangents to take on more
group has released seven studio 3939 N Mississippi
meditative, rather than meanalbums and myriad singles and
split 7-inches in the scant seven years of dering, auditory terrain.
Whereas before Woods were more intheir existence, it’s a wonder that any of
their creative envelope-pushing can be de- terested in “capturing things really quick,
and maybe not letting songs develop into
tected at all.
“If we took our time a little more, and what they could be,” Earl and Taveniere
put out a record every three years, then let their material for these sessions bloom
it would probably be a little more drastic,” at a more deliberate pace.
“We went into it with this idea that Jerexplains Woods multi-instrumentalist
emy would write songs and sit on them for
Jarvis Taveniere.
As Woods’ primary songwriters, Tave- a while. Then we could talk about them,”
niere and vocalist/guitarist Jeremy Earl— says Taveniere. “We wouldn’t just rush
both also the principal musicians on Woods’ and throw one microphone on the drums.
releases—sought a respite from the big Pretty much I’m describing what normal
city in Earl’s upstate New York hamlet of people do, but to us it was like, ‘Let’s try
Warwick. There, the duo hunkered down the normal thing a little bit.’”
to write and record what
would become Bend Beyond
in relative tranquility and in
an environment more conducive to control.
“If we tried to do it in
Brooklyn now, we wouldn’t
get started until noon,”
says Taveniere, who owns
Rear House Studios in
Brooklyn, where previous
Woods recordings were
produced. “There are just
too many distractions. The
best way to discipline ourselves is just to go up there.
I wake up on his couch, I
smell the coffee, and we
just start recording.”
That sense of discipline
carried over to the song- WOODS Stare at this long enough and you’ll see a 3D sailboat!

Not Fade Away

Fri 10/12

Brownish
Black
9:30 p.m.

Sat 10/13

Radio Giants
9:30 p.m.

thursday, october 11
5:30 p.m. is “eagle time”

brothers oF
the houNd
hivemiNd
8:30 p.m.

MUSIC

Living with Bob Dylan’s Ghost by Ned Lannamann
A FRIEND OF MINE, a big Bob Dylan Dylan’s name today is almost shockingly offfan, refuses to see the man perform. His putting, bleating in a fissured husk of a voice
that sounds like a rusty door falling
reasoning is that he doesn’t want to
fuck with the picture he has in his Bob Dylan off its hinges.
Mon Oct 15
I’ll argue, though, that this
head—that legendary image of the
Rose Garden
lean, young songwriter greased up 1 Center Court Dylan is part and parcel of a picture
that’s not finished yet. No serious
on amphetamines, songs tumbling
out of his head faster than the tape could person can argue with the man’s greatness,
sweep ’em up. The Dylan who, in his 1960s whether it be his Woody Guthrie magpie
heyday, casually tossed off magic like “It folk-plucking, or his remarkable streamTakes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to of-consciousness blues rock, or his ’70s
Cry” and “Visions of Johanna” like overripe singer/songwriter divorcé confessionals.
But I don’t think Dylan ever stopped being
fruit falling off the bent branches of a tree.
I can respect this. I can see where my Dylan—he never became the glitzy, crowdfriend is coming from. There’s no surer, pleasing version of himself, trotting out hits
more irreversible way to puncture the leg- on the casino circuit for ever-aging boomend than by looking at the gnarled fossil of ers. Instead of becoming the phlegmatic
Dylan today. The man was never exactly a elder statesman we wanted, he just became
warm, glamorous figure to begin with— phlegmy. He’s weird and creepy, but he was
even those famous black-and-white photos always weird and creepy. His new album
of the rooster-like, black-clad Dylan sport- Tempest is no masterpiece (“Duquesne
ing Wayfarers reveal a man out of step with Whistle” is a pip, but the title track is a sin(or at least indifferent to) any sort of fashion gle melodic line repeated for 14 minutes—
dictum, resulting in a public persona defined you’ll give up after six). But I still won’t pass
by its own cool apathy toward itself. But the up the chance to see him. There may not be
mustachioed, wizened figure touring under too many chances left.

EXITMUSIC, GRAPEFRUIT
(Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water) Boardwalk Empire actress
Aleksa Palladino performs with her husband, Devon
Church, as Exitmusic, and their morose debut album,
Passage, was given a release on indie titan Secretly
Canadian. It’s a pretty, tense record with widescreen
sounds and broad sonic strokes that have been sandblasted into cushiony, comforting breaths of air. Palladino’s voice ranges from a gentle coo to an overwrought tremble, and Exitmusic favors sensation over
content, resulting in an album that sounds pleasant
when it’s on and doesn’t linger too long in the memory
once it’s off. Grapefruit is the glittering kosmische turn
from Charlie Salas Humara, whose roster of bands has
probably hit the triple digits by now, and who refines
his thirst for aural adventure with peerless taste. The
result is that virtually everything he does is worth some
of your attention. NED LANNAMANN

MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS
(Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) As he’s becoming more and more mainstream, Seattle’s favorite rapper Macklemore is using his popularity as a platform
for social change. He’s talking about things on his new
album, The Heist, that far too many people in his position would avoid bringing up. He paints the world as a
gray cloud with a silver lining. Rather than bashing the
people he disagrees with, he presents a call to action
for personal and civil rights issues. Macklemore stands
up for same-sex marriage, openly discusses substance
abuse, and shines a light on growing up in the hiphop
community. Producer Ryan Lewis, meanwhile, does
a great job of soundtracking the story by creating intensity when appropriate and leaving space where it’s
necessary. The sold-out show tonight is an affirmation
that music fans appreciate the transparency and commentary even in a genre that doesn’t always welcome
this openness. It’s clear, here: Music is a message.
ROCHELLE HUNTER

MORBID ANGEL, DARK FUNERAL, GRAVE,
ON ENEMY SOIL
(Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) Remember that
androgynous Chris Crocker fellow who sobbed all over
YouTube in 2007, pleading that the cruel world leave
poor Britney Spears alone? I think it’s time for Morbid
Angel to get an advocate like him. Their most recent
release, Illud Divinum Insanus, was the most anticipated, then universally hated and publicly flogged, metal
album of 2011. Rightfully so; Morbid Angel’s dark wave
and industrial experimentations were certainly an illadvised step for a revered death-metal band to take,
especially coming out of an eight-year dry spell. Then
came the remix album. It’s almost as if they responded
to their diehard fans’ backlash by producing something
they’d hate even worse, just so they would forget about
the disappointment of Illud. Whatever the case, it’s
time to move on and enjoy the show. Let’s all stop using Illud as a benchmark for all things shitty and just
forget it ever happened. Morbid Angel is seemingly not
going anywhere, and ideally they’ve learned from their
catastrophic mistakes. ARIS WALES

DEFTONES, SCARS ON BROADWAY
(Roseland, 8 NW 6th) In an age when artists seem to
live and die on a tastemaker’s whim, it’s difficult to predict which of today’s bands we’ll be seeing in 10 or
15 years. Deftones aren’t new, but they have outlived
most of their contemporaries—of course, a lot of their
contemporaries were awful, but I never would have
guessed they’d still be making records (to critical acclaim, no less) in 2012. Deftones, who got their start
as a noisy hiphop-meets-rock band from Sacramento,
got “arty” on 2000’s White Pony and have continued
down that path for more than a decade. While Deftones
albums always have moments of dark thrills, they have
also fallen into a tidy formula. I just want to know who’s
buying the concert tickets for the band’s sold-out
shows across the country. If I’m still asking that same
question in 10 years, I’ll take back everything I just said.
But don’t hold me to it. MARK LORE

CIRCA SURVIVE, TOUCHE AMORE,
BALANCE AND COMPOSURE, O’BROTHER
(Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) Even if Circa
Survive’s brand of histrionic, vaguely progressive emo
(or whatever) isn’t really up your alley, you have to acknowledge that the band has a number of things going
for them. First of all, they’re consistent as hell—they’ve
never actually strayed from their intended path, in spite
of immense commercial success and a brief major label
roundabout, which is testament to the group’s artistic
integrity. Secondly, and admirably, Circa adheres to a
stubborn DIY ethos, reflected in their decision to ditch
the aforementioned major label. And last but not least,
vocalist Anthony Green is one of the most compelling
and original singers in the entire rock genus active today. Their new, self-released record Violent Waves is
hard to find fault with, assuming you’re into this sort of
thing. (Except for the cover, which sucks pretty hard.)
MORGAN TROPER

PONY VILLAGE, PALISADES,
RUBEDO, THE HOOT HOOTS
(Kelly’s Olympian, 426 SW Washington) 20 Sided Records isn’t dicking around with the pomp of their first
compilation release. The San Francisco imprint is hosting a seven-day, multi-city bash in celebration of End of
Days, a collection of most of the label’s fledgling lineup,
with stops up and down the West Coast. The sixth day
comes to Kelly’s Olympian armed with label stalwarts
Rubedo, an epically ambitious sort of pop-rock trio
from Denver. 20 Sided’s comp represents as alchemic
a slice of sonic pop you could ask for from a label raised
on the wizardly foundations of D&D—possibly peaking
with Animal Eyes’ plaintive “Goat Chasing,” a solemn
tune representing just one of the Portland contingents
of 20 Sided’s roster. Other PDX reps include Pony Village (“Heart Failure”), whose tight arrangements and
flair for hypnotic guitar interplay are also being featured
for the release. RYAN J. PRADO

WRECKLESS ERIC AND AMY RIGBY
(Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) Wreckless
Eric (Goulden) watched fellow Stiff Records stiffs Elvis Costello, Nick Lowe, and Ian Dury explode while
he was left writhing in comparative obscurity, but he’s
arguably just as noteworthy. The songwriter’s first two
records are some of the greatest, most forthright poprock records to hail from the New Wave period, particularly the single “(I’d Go the) Whole Wide World,”

October 11, 2012 Portland Mercury 25

26 Portland Mercury October 11, 2012

UP&COMING
THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PREVIEWS

THE HARVEY GIRLS
Record Room, 10/13
JOSH MILLARD

which comes freakishly close to pop perfection. His
new collaboration with wife—and formidable songwriter
in her own right—Amy Rigby, A Working Museum, is an
expectedly exquisite product. Magnificent opener “A
Darker Shade of Brown” and suitably great follow-up
“Days of Jack and Jill” recall the best and most obvious aspects of Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake and the Kinks’
post-Village Green, pre-Preservation years, but the real
highlight is the buried, jangling, Byrds-y jewel “Rebel
Girl Rebel Girl,” which to these ears sounds better than
most Roger McGuinn originals. MT

KENDRICK LAMAR, AB-SOUL, JAY ROCK,
STALLEY, FLY UNION
(Roseland, 8 NW 6th) We all know that Kendrick Lamar is easily the best thang smokin’ right now, and
sure enough, this show is sold out. Everything K-Dot’s
leaked in the last few—“Swimming Pools,” “Westside,
Right on Time,” and the C-Breezy-type-slapping, Just
Blaze-laced “Compton”—have all been hottest fire.
From what I recall of his 2011 set at Seattle’s Bumbershoot, Lamar’s a dope, personable performer, too…
except for that moment when he told a young girl in the
audience that her name was “Tammy”—as in his Section.80 cut “Tammy’s Song (Her Evils),” which is about
a pair of women victimized by men—without a trace of
irony (hiphop is good for this). A minor gripe, but one
that stuck with me. Anyway, his Top Dawg Entertainment/Black Hippy dudes Jay Rock and Ab-Soul are
opening, so this is a sure thing. (If you’re wondering
where Schoolboy Q is, well, just wait a week.) LARRY
MIZELL JR.

THE HARVEY GIRLS, WOW & FLUTTER,
RLLRBLL
(Record Room, 8 NE Killingsworth) For their new album, Sidereal Time, the Harvey Girls made apparent
use of a 20-dollar guitar, which seamlessly augmented
their veritable arsenal of sounds—strings, saw, banjo,
and a Turkish thing called a saz also feature on the
record. Recorded chiefly by husband-and-wife duo
Hiram Lucke and Melissa Rodenbeek, it continues the
Harvey Girls’ string of lovely, weird psych-pop, shrugging off any easy reference point (the group cites baroque pop, bluegrass, and early Disney soundtracks
as touchstones, but nothing on Sidereal Time really
sounds like any of those). Lucke has added a rhythm
section to the Harvey Girls—Rodenbeek is not part of
the live band—which gives their oddball, naturalistic folk
a more muscular, progressive tint. NL

SUNDAY 10/14
DEEP LISTENING: STRATEGY, ETHERNET,
GULLS, DJ INVISIBLE ZIGGURAT
(Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Working the soul out of
a drum machine is no problem for Strategy, AKA Paul
Dickow, who indulges us with ever-evolving forms of
electronica—most recently delving into a futurized pop
with vintage flair. A multi-instrumentalist and veteran
producer, Dickow has continued to explore many different styles including ambient, experimental, and
straight-up dance music with stellar results. Expect a
live performance filled with any combination of drum
machines, noisemakers, and synthesizers synced up to
lay the groundwork for some impressive improvisation.
The night’s festivities are presented in part by forwardthinking arts and culture publication Redefine magazine and the experimental Boomarm Records. They
have put together an exotic blend of ambient artistry
sure to send you into an otherworldly orbit. CHRISTINA BROUSSARD

MARK FELL
(YU Contemporary, 800 SE 10th) Electronic glitch artist Mark Fell’s work is challenging, to say the least, and
tonight he comes to taste-making performance space
YU to perform a live interpretation of his 2010 recording Multi stability. The title itself refers to “a psychological effect in which one is unable to perceive a single,
stable object within complex or ambiguous patterns in
visual, auditory, or olfactory perception.” Basically, this
means that the crushed-out tones, arrhythmic pulses,
wet splashes, and harsh digital pitches will be almost
defiantly unmusical—you’re going to feel unsettled and
perhaps a little queasy. But sometimes having your
brain circuits shuffled in the name of art is an interesting way to spend a weeknight, and Fell’s performance
also promises a trippy light show. Leave the psychedelics at home—this sort of stuff is intended to replicate
them, not augment them. NL

CROCODILES, THE SOFT PACK, HEAVY HAWAII
(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Los Angeles’ the Soft Pack
(is it still worth mentioning that they were formerly called
the Muslims? Probably not) have always been able to do
a lot with very little. Their loose and uncomplicated rock,
which had them touted as the next Strokes by some,
earned them a lot of initial buzz. Thing is, the Soft Pack
really are good, serving up jangly rock fronted by a singer
who sounds like he doesn’t get out of bed before noon.
Their latest album, Strapped, adds a few more bells and
whistles (i.e. synths and horns) to the mix, which in the
end really don’t add a whole lot to the mix. Imagine if they
were still called the Muslims? ML

KAKI KING, LADY LAMB THE BEEKEEPER
(Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) Kaki King’s
work has been given a lot of makeovers over the past
decade. Her 2003 debut, Everybody Loves You, swam
in the high-waisted tides of tricky percussive guitar manipulations, alternately stunning and baffling technical
string junkies. And while King’s still as engaging as a
kind of one-woman acoustic orchestra, her subsequent
releases have ranged from minimalist to enormous, culminating with her biggest step yet toward pop with the
rockin’ 2010 LP Junior. King’s sixth studio album, Glow,
was just released, and manages to keep a foot in both
her past and present, cultivating savage guitar pieces
that are augmented by noodling strings, melodic mandolin flourishes, and stirring crescendos. King is, simply, one of the most unique composers making music
today, and your bows at her feet will be rewarded. RJP

JASON LYTLE, SEA OF BEES
(Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Jules Baenziger records
under the name Sea of Bees, and her 2009 debut album,
Songs for the Ravens, was a positive stunner, the kind
of fully realized work that even veteran songwriters can
only dream of pulling off. After such an auspicious start,
it makes sense that Sea of Bees’ second full-length, the
oddly titled Orangefarben, might initially seem to suffer
from a sophomore slump. (The bill’s headliner, Jason Lytle of Grandaddy, maybe knows a little something about
slumps, Sophtware or otherwise.) As it turns out, Bee’s
Orangefarben is a strong and lovely record, with melodies just as ravishing as those on Ravens and perhaps a
greater sense of confidence. Built on a bed of palliative,
soft rock, Baenziger’s charming, assured, folk-flecked
melodies both comfort and exhilarate. NL

INCE HER 1989 debut novel, Jack, written
when she was still in her teens, A.M. Homes
has gained—or perhaps cultivated—a reputation as an author unafraid to go dark. Examples
abound: The End of Alice, about an imprisoned
pedophile and his teenaged pen pal; the terrifying In a Country of Mothers, about a shrink who
becomes convinced that a patient is actually her
long-lost daughter; and the crack-smoking suburbanites of story collection The Safety of Objects.
The darkness in May We Be Forgiven is of
a more insidious, less provocative sort. Sure, it
opens with a woman getting her head bashed
in with a lamp, but that’s a mere scene-setter
for a frequently harrowing, occasionally hilarious consideration of sex, anxiety, family, and
Richard Nixon.
As the novel opens, Harold, a Nixon scholar

and college professor, is unhappily married and
crushed out on his brother’s wife, Jane. When
his domineering brother, George, goes nuts and
has to be institutionalized, Harold and Jane commence an affair—until George catches them in
bed together. Cue lamp head bashing. Jane dies,
George goes to rich-person prison, Harold’s wife
leaves him, and Harold ends up guardian of his
niece and nephew, a role he’s utterly unfit for.
And that’s where the darkness comes in,
and where the book really gets started. Harold has no idea how to be a parent—he doesn’t
even know where the cat food is kept. There’s
no one around to tell Harold what to do or how
to do it, and it’s terrifying.
Rather than just create an ordinary set of
circumstances and a character who bumbles
through them, Homes short-circuits any sense of
superiority in readers (readers who might, say,
know how to be functioning adults already) by
conjuring a world that’s uncertain and strange,
full of hidden perils and conspiracies and quite
possibly not at all worth living, forcing the reader
to struggle along with Harold to understand just
what it all might mean. Some of it is just weird—a
trip to South Africa, the long-lost short stories
of Richard Nixon, naked laser tag, a wedding at
an old folks’ home. (Don DeLillo shows up—Harold thinks he looks homeless—and maybe John
Cheever, too.) This is not to suggest there’s no
plot, or that the story isn’t compelling—I couldn’t
put it down—simply that Homes effectively invites
her readers to share Harold’s confusion about
what life is really all about.
Beyond all the weird shit that happens, Harold’s character arc isn’t particularly surprising.
May We Be Forgiven is explicitly a novel of midlife crisis: “Looking at myself, my half-spent life,”
thinks Harold, “I find it unbearable that this is
where I have ended up. Is my life over? Did it ever
begin?” If you thought Homes’ last book was “too
sentimental,” as some readers did, you might want
to skip the new one—go reread that story from The
Safety of Objects where a boy fucks a Barbie doll.
May We Be Forgiven, for all its pitch-perfect evocation of anxiety and the social disorientation of
the digital age, is kind of a sweet book. “I’ve never
made Jell-O before. It’s magical,” says Harold happily, toward the end of the book, and it feels like a
victory: a victory over mean brothers and distant
parents, wives who don’t love you, and the terrifying lightning bolts of fate that can take away
everything you hold dear in an instant. See? Still a
little dark. ALISON HALLETT

What do you expect? It’s free.

skeleton key tattoo

that’s what you would want or that’s what your
life is. I’d like to think of myself as a mother to
the planet. Some of the show also deals with
being bullied. I had that, I want to help people
going through it now.
In addition to your role on Lifetime’s Drop
Dead Diva, you’ve also got a show coming
out on the Food Network, right?
It’s called Blind Dinner Party, and it’s basically
inviting eight strangers off of Craigslist to get together and have dinner. They’re people of varying
political affiliations and personalities, these completely unique individuals and they come together
in a bit of a social experiment mixed with Fight
Club. We made the pilot and it came out beautifully. It will be out soon, and I’m hoping it gets
picked up. I’d love to do more.

OMEDIAN MARGARET CHO is at Helium
this weekend, here for two nights only with
her new show Mother. We caught up with her
to find out more about the show and the eight
million other things she’s working on these days.
TEMPLE LENTZ
MERCURY: What should we expect from
Mother?
MARGARET CHO: It’s really just a bunch of
new jokes. It’s super dirty and filthy and raunchy, so I thought it’d be funny to have a show
like that that’s called Mother. But at the same
time, you do have to have sex to be a mother….
And even though I’m not a mother, I think it
would be kind of cool to be, like, a mother to
the world. When you get to your 40s, it’s an assumption that you have kids, or people assume

You were recently nominated for an Emmy
for your portrayal of Kim Jong-il on 30 Rock.
What were your first words when Tina Fey
offered you that role?
My first words… I was so excited, it was something like, “Absolutely, I have to do that!” It was
tough because I was working on [Drop Dead
Diva] at the same time in Atlanta, and had to balance the two. I loved that I got to play a man, and
do something totally different from anything I’d
ever done… but also very familiar.
It seems like you’ve built your career on
taking challenging roles, or doing things
that otherwise break the mold. You’ve
done so much to help show people—not
just fellow performers, but fans as well—
that it’s possible to be successful outside
the mainstream. It seems like that could
be exhausting.
Thank you. You know, I really don’t think about it. I
take jobs when I can take them, I do as many jobs
as I can, and I do my best. It’s a joyful way to live.
My work is all about seeing my friends and working with my friends. It’s the life that I’ve chosen
and I love it. It always feels fun, doesn’t feel hard.
It can be tiring, but challenging and rewarding. I
do love stand-up the most. It has the most excitement. I love going on the road and touring and
doing comedy. It doesn’t require me going to get
a job—I already have that job and it’ll take me all
over the world. I really adore that.

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ROM OEDIPUS REX to Death of a Salesman, theatergoers have spent thousands of
years watching families self-destruct. The family

in question serves as a miniature version of a broken society, and neither one is going to survive
the evening.
That Hopey Changey Thing doesn’t totally
depart from the setup, although it has formal ambitions. It’s the first in a slated four-year, four-play
series from playwright Richard Nelson, following
the progressive Apple family from an upstate
New York dinner party on election night, 2010,
and revisiting them yearly. Third Rail Repertory
has committed to producing the cycle over its
next four seasons; a considerable gesture of faith
from a small, discerning company. Let’s hope
the bet pays off, because That Hopey Changey
Thing feels less like a complete play than a promising first act.
Perhaps the biggest departure from the
theatrical norm is that the Apples—four grown
siblings and their declining uncle—genuinely
love each other. Some familial tensions are on
display as dinner begins, and old wounds are
probed (or gleefully jabbed), but there’s no
metaphoric gun waiting on the mantelpiece,
and no prophecy more dire than a Republican
takeover in Albany.
If not at war among themselves, the Apples

are varyingly heartsick over the state of the nation. Their intra-liberal conversation, although
backdated to 2010, is being replicated in many
Portland dining rooms this fall. This could feel
like attending a dinner party where you don’t get
to eat and characters occasionally suffer lapses
into Playwright Syndrome, serving up thematic
observations about national character and collective memory.
Happily, director Slayden Scott Yarbrough
and his cast keep the Apples bright and alive.
Jacklyn Maddux is particularly sharp: you may feel
concerned that Third Rail has tricked a non-actor
into coming on stage, so eerily unaffected is her
portrayal of the family’s elected peacekeeper. Every actor here is given something to work with,
although only Bruce Burkhartsmeier’s substitute
patriarch gets to describe a full arc.
We’re left to hope that Nelson has plans
for the Apples that don’t rely exclusively on the
news cycle. This production ensures that we care
about them, but That Hopey Changey Thing will
make the leap from intriguing to impactful if, in
four years, audiences look back and recognize
the journey of the family—not just the nation they
live in. DYLAN MECONIS

ARTCHART
OUR PICKS OF THE WEEK

THE GOOD RAIN
GROUP PHOTO SHOW
STUMPTOWN COFFEE • 128 SW 3RD • THROUGH OCT

Poets Slam Wordstock—The literary festival
opens with a poetry slam featuring two-time
national champion Anis Mojgani, and a crew of
state poets trying to win over the crowd in a sixround slam on the topics of sex and dystopia.
Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, Thurs Oct
11, 7 pm, $9.95, wordstockfestival.com
Gregory Martin—Stories for Boys is Gregory
Martin’s memoir about learning his dad is gay
only after his father attempts suicide. Powell’s
City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Thurs Oct 11,
7:30 pm, powells.com
The Old Maid and the Thief—Opera Theater
Oregon presents a live performance of a classic
’30s radio drama, complete with diva actresses,
overburdened foley artists, union workers out on
smoke break, and stressed-out producers. Mission
Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, Thurs Oct 11-Fri Oct 12,
7:30 pm, $17-20, operatheateror.wordpress.com
Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson—An emorock comedy/musical based on the life of the
dude on the $20 bill, who just so happened to
be a seductive, murdering common man with a
smooth-ass singing voice. Portland Playhouse,
602 NE Prescott, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2
pm (no Sat Oct 13 early show), through Nov 11,
$15-38.50, portlandplayhouse.org
Marvel Comics: The Untold Story—Author
Sean Howe recounts the history of how a few
outsized personalities laid the foundation for the
most elaborate fictional narrative in history. Powell’s Books on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne,
Mon Oct 15, 7:30 pm, powells.com

in Texas. And who should be there? Only the
asshole chick who stole her husband—“eyeing
Chintana’s entrance with shearing scrutiny, more
redeyed than a coyote sniffing a saltblock in
drought, banglerattle arm twisting rattler mean
into her side.” And to add to the dark and stormy
evening, Chintana inadvertently finds herself in
change of a herd of five orphans who are crishcrashing around the joint, eager to hear the ghost
story told by a mysterious storyteller who shows
up with a huge black box. His story is dark, filled
with vengeance and death, a ronin’s journey to
find the perfect weapon, which can only be assumed to lurk in the cruel narrow box before him.
Back to Sword’s trimmings—the book has
colored quotation marks throughout to signify
which orphan is recounting the story. Ignore. It
didn’t add anything to Danielewski’s well-paced
book to figure out which ragamuffin was saying
what. Just let the campfire tale build and build.
Plus Danielewski loves to play with language—this
would be a great work to see performed live—with
his mashed-up words and little “Jabberwocky”
games, but unlike Carroll’s portmantone poem,
The Fifty Year Sword is loaded with plot, and
plenty of other extras. It’s a pretty delightful rabbit
hole to fall down. COURTNEY FERGUSON



The Fifty Year Sword

HE FIFTY YEAR SWORD is an odd duck.
It’s a ghost story. It’s a narrative poem. It’s
a word game. It’s needlework art. It’s experimental. And it’s also pretty cool. Mark Z. Danielewski,
who wrote the novel House of Leaves, has created a successful work out of loose odds and
ends bound together in a rich tapestry. But again,
it’s pretty peculiar.
The best term I can think to describe the 284page novella is “topographical.” Prose runs on
the left pages like a narrative poem, while most
of the right pages are glaringly blank—as white
as ghosts that lurk in the subtext. The story is indented and line breaks are frequent. Sometimes
only a phrase shows up on a page. So it looks
like the micro-fiction that arty girl wrote in freshman writing class. But Danielewski is a master
of pacing, and this otherwise eye-rolling format
complements the story’s twists and turns. What
sets The Fifty Year Sword apart are the accompanying illustrations—stitched throughout are colorful, embroidered needlework pictures that are
evocative, at times delicate and violent, detailed
and abstract, and used to striking effect in a vivid
denouement.
Plotwise, newly divorced seamstress Chintana is invited to a strange Halloween gathering

DOORS OPEN AT 6PM | PRESENTATIONS AT 7PM
BUY TICKETS AT STRANGERTICKETS.COM
PROCEEDS TO BENEFIT RE:ACTIVE MAGAZINE.
THE

vs.

when we were young and dumb
(unofficial Wordstock after-Party)

Join Portland Mercury editors Alison Hallett and Bobby Roberts
for a storytelling duel with the stranger’s Christopher Frizzelle
and Bethany Jean Clement, coauthors of the new book How to Be
a Person: The Stranger’s Guide to College, Sex, Intoxicants, Tacos,
and Life Itself. Possible topics to be addressed (among others): lsd, softball, Jesus, annoying people, voMiting, fake IDs, and virginity.
drinking throughout, booksigning to follow.
drink sPecials for Wordstock ticket-holders

CHRIS CLEAVE
Gold is the story of two 19-year-old women who share a
dream of making the Olympics, only to find themselves
competing against each other in the 2012 Olympics at
age 32. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415
SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, 228-4651, 7 pm

FRIDAY 10/12

JACOB NEEDLEMAN
An Unknown World attempts to cut a path through the
many debates over the existence of God, offering a new
approach to the question of understanding a higher
power. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 2284651, 7:30 pm

SATURDAY 10/13
CHRISTOPHER HEALY

A reading from the author of The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom, an alternative fairy tale telling the story
of four princes and their adventures with bandits, trolls,
dragons, and witches. Green Bean Books, 1600 NE Alberta, 954-2354, 2 pm

MONDAY 10/15

I’V E GOT SOM E LOVI N’ TO DO: THE
DIARIES OF A ROARING TWENTIES TEEN
As a teenager in Portland in the 1920s and ‘30s, Doris
Louise Bailey kept a journal; now her great-niece is releasing the volumes, which offer a unique peek at Portland’s past. Kennedy School, 5736 NE 33rd, 249-7474,
7 pm, free

SANDRA CISNEROS
Have You Seen Marie? is a fable for grown-ups about a
woman’s search for a cat that goes missing shortly after
her mother’s death. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W
Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm

THE BODY OF AN AMERICAN
Playwright Dan O’Brien’s story of befriending war reporter Paul Watson, and the roles each takes in helping
the other handle the responsibilities, and damages, of
bearing witness. Ellyn Bye Studio at the Armory, 128
NW 11th, 445-3700, Tues-Sun 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2 pm,
through Nov 11, $20-39

THE LOST BOYS - LIVE

Bad Reputation Productions follows up their adaptation
of Road House with an all-new take on the ’80s teen vampire classic, The Lost Boys. Ethos/IFCC, 5340 N Interstate, 823-4322, Fri-Sat 8 pm, through Nov 3, $18-22

SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON
BARBER OF FLEET STREET
Sweeney Todd is a musical about a man who kills people,
and makes them into pies. It should be pretty damn ridiculous, right? But Portland Center Stage’s new production
of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street−
the first time Portland Center Stage has ever tackled a
Sondheim musical−is oddly subdued, and over-earnest
references to the “political debates we are waging in this
country today” are misplaced. AH Gerding Theater at
the Armory, 128 NW 11th, 445-3700, Tues-Sun 7:30
pm, Sat-Sun 2 pm and Thurs noon, through Oct 21

COMEDY
JAMES ADOMIAN
Back in Portland for the first time since owning the
Bridgetown Comedy Festival, the funniest person to ever
appear on Comedy Bang Bang brings his blend of standup, mimicry, and free-associative insanity to the Helium
stage. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, 888-6438669, Sun Oct 14, 8 pm, $10-15

VISUAL ART
SOFTCORE APPAREL
An installation by artist Brittany Powell, transforming the
walls of the Vestibule into life-size American Apparel advertisements, commenting on feminism and the use of
sex in ads. The Vestibule, 8371 N Interstate, 984-3189,
through Oct 28

CINDY SHERMAN
A series of large-scale prints and a 24-foot-long wall mural by photographer Cindy Sherman, exploring the role of
women in today’s society. Portland Art Museum, 1219
SW Park, 226-2811, through Dec 30

EACH REFLECTION OF MYSELF ECHOES
A DIFFERENT EMOTION AT ME
An exhibit of ceramic works by Josiane Keller, highlighting
the reality of homeless youth in Portland, and 20 heroes
living in, and working through that reality. p:ear, 338 NW
6th, 228-6677, through Oct 26

PROPHET
An exhibition of original artwork from the latest issue of
Prophet, a sci-fi comic series written by Brandon Graham, featuring artwork by artists including Simon Roy, Giannis Milonogiannis, Farel Dalrymple, and Brandon Graham himself. Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch,
241-0227. Through Oct 31.

PUT A BIRD IN IT
A group show organized by We Make, featuring nearly
100 one-of-a-kind birdhouses created by local, national,
and international artists, makers, designers, and agencies. Proceeds benefit All Hands Raised and the First
Octave grant program. Union/Pine, 525 SE Pine, Fri
Oct 12, 7:30 pm

Program information at oregonculinaryinstitute.com
40 Portland Mercury October 11, 2012

LAST SUPPER

The High Art of Surrender

Vegan &
Gluten Free
Available

EAT IT!

Preview Dinner and Follow-Up with Ración by Chris Onstad

Happy Hour
3pm-6pm
Grendel’s Coffee
f House
Serving organic
coffee

we deliver

CRISTINA BÁEZ

IT HAPPENED about five minutes into dishes, as well as the order of the types
our pre-seating cocktail at Ración, when of dishes? Are there basic principles for
we were trying the bar snacks that were keeping guests piqued?
the preamble to the night’s new-Spanish You start altering textures and temperature,
nine-course dinner. The thing that trig- strength and subtlety of flavors, the size of
gered it was something remarkably de- a dish or how it “eats.” And, it is up to us to
licious and labor intensive for a simple word the menu in a vague enough way that
skewered snack: a cool house-made rabbit when you receive the dish, it is a complete
pâté spread with caper berry relish, rolled surprise all over again.
[Course progression] is all about how
inside a mustardy crêpe, and cut like sushi.
I
tasted
meals in Spain. At high-end spots
More thought had gone into that one little
like
Gresca,
Kokotxa, Moo in Barcelona,
bite—its appetite-sparking, rich, salty
ABaC…
they
all had this basic template of
flavor, its timing during the first relaxing
snacks,
then
crunchy thing, then soup,
wash of the drink, its complemenRación
followed
by
cold
fish, salad, hot fish,
tary nature—than entire meals I’ve
1205 SW
starch,
hot
game,
veg, hot meat, fruit
had lately. I realized upon eating it
Washington
dessert,
then
chocolate
dessert. I love
that the chef had crafted a “surren- racionpdx.com
that
progression,
and
that
is absolutely
der moment”—that he had earned
what
I
try
to
emulate
at
Ración.
my trust before I’d even sat down.
Moving a guest through a fun and interThere were many other orchestrations of
esting
menu only makes our job easier in
surprise and satisfaction that night. At the
the
end.
They begin to submit to the kitchtable, a starter of bacalao (dried, salted cod)
en.
They
trust
us.
“chicharron” with salmon-bone pil pil sauce
reinforced my allegiance: I dread strong
bacalao, but here the chef had isolated the Many techniques seen as avant-garde
sweet spot in the flavor spectrum of cod and are actually old methods, and furtherturned it into a light, highly relieving and more, largely invisible once the food is
familiar snack of fish ’n’ chips. Warm, com- plated. Why should the diner even know
forting cauliflower soup told my reptile brain how the food was cooked?
that autumn had started, in a way that the Ah, this question has just one answer, but
chilly air apparently hadn’t. A cured, seared two facets.
The first: I think that technique is primary
sous vide pork cheek pulled apart to reveal
to
the
quality of the ingredients in the dish.
a deep red, pastrami-spiced interior. Fried,
Notice
I didn’t say food, because you can
candied grape stems adorned an agar-agarmake
anything,
even shitty-quality product,
thickened chèvre cheesecake roll.
much
better
by
cooking
it the best that you
These clever victories and more inspired
can.
I
love
applying
new
techniques
that peoseveral questions about how dining works at
ple
are
not
familiar
with
to
a
classic
dish. It
its most strategically designed level. Ración
makes
eating
fun.
Making
a
broccoli-cheddar
chef Anthony Cafiero’s answers follow.
dish that looks nothing like the soup that we
MERCURY: How do you establish the all know and love is a part of modern, new
critical feelings of comfort and trust in Spanish cooking.
The second part has to do with what resa new guest?
taurants
have been doing for a long time.
ANTHONY CAFIERO: The first impression,
We
cook
dinner. You come to restaurants
or the welcoming stage of the guest’s exwhen
you
either don’t want to cook dinner
perience, must be personalized, at the very
at
home
or
you want to experience someleast. The host must know their name, and
thing
that
you
can’t cook. This second part
head them directly to their chairs, or rememis
what
I’m
banking
on. [Guests] might
ber where they like to sit and bring them to
know
how
to
make
awesome
stock or roast
their spot. I love the feeling of knowing my
a
chicken,
but
do
they
know
how
to make an
server or my chef. There may even be a preagar
gel?
Or
a
versa
whip
foam?
Or how to
civilization thing there about trust in your
butcher
a
lamb
leg,
brine
it,
sous
vide
it, and
food when it comes from someone else. I
then
pair
it
with
peas
and
mint?
That’s
why
think this phase of a guest’s experience at a
Ración
is
fun.
You
can
see
what
the
hell
is
restaurant is one of the most important and
going
on
in
a
modern
kitchen.
at the same time, at least in Portland, it’s
one of the most overlooked.
Visit racionpdx.com for the next series
of
pop-ups and news of the restaurant’s
Is there a logic to the pacing of your
opening, projected for late fall.
menus, both in the timing between

Best Hostage Crisis Ever!
Argo Rocks, and Affleck Does Too by Elinor Jones

BEFORE READING this review, please Politics! Science fiction! Movies!), as the people around me were probably like,
take a moment to forget the Ben Affleck well as normals who just want to watch “Aw, this poor girl knows nothing about
of the early 2000s and prepare yourself something entertaining. While Affleck history.” Whatever, guys, I was just a little
already repented for Daredevil overcome by the badassery.
for a world where Ben Affleck is
Argo
Ben-Affleck-as-actor and Ben-Affleckthrough ace directing in Gone
indisputably badass. Okay, you
dir. Ben Affleck
Baby Gone and The Town, as-director are likely going to be giving
ready? Let’s go.
Opens Fri Oct 12
Argo locks down his status as some Damon-less acceptance speeches
If you snoozed through the
Various Theaters
a great fi lmmaker: It’s always come Oscar season, and they’ll totally
Iranian hostage crisis by not
being born yet, a refresher: The US and crazy impressive when people can make deserve them. Also in the running for big
some other imperialists have historically tense, dramatic movies out of historical awards is none other than Bryan fucking
been major assholes to Iran, so in 1979, events where the audience, you know, Cranston, who I know became a boss
the Iranian people were like, “Actually, knows the ending. Argo nails it, and then through Breaking Bad, but demonstrates
no!” and they rose up and stormed the US some. I had to cover my eyes at parts; here that he doesn’t need to be a scary
embassy, where some 60 Americans were
frantically trying to shred stuff and not
be murdered. Six Americans escaped
through a back door. (Nice embassystorming, amateurs!) While the world
was focused on what was happening to the
dozens of hostages inside the embassy, those
six were stuck at the Canadian ambassador’s
house—with no way to get out. Enter: Ben
Affleck as a CIA hostage wrangler with
an insane plan to create a fake sci-fi movie
called Argo, call the six escaped hostages a
film crew, and then GTFO. And you guys:
This actually happened.
I did a crappy job at explaining all of
that, but Argo does not; Affleck’s direction
delivers a brilliantly simple telling of a
complicated story. Detailed without ever
feeling dense, the fi lm should satisfy
nearly all classes of nerds (history! ARGO Another late night reading erotic Good Will Hunting fanfic.

Psychotherapy

FILM

Seven Psychopaths Might Have Issues. It’s Great! by Erik Henriksen

Before his fi rst feature-length fi lm,
2008’s In Bruges, McDonagh was already
one of the best playwrights alive, and
his roots still show: Even given a bigger
canvas, most of McDonagh’s scenes, and
certainly his best ones, center on people
standing still and talking. That might be
a problem if McDonagh’s dialogue wasn’t
so whiplash fast, or if his characters were
any less charming and/or terrifying. But
all of McDonagh’s strengths are on display in Seven Psychopaths, and it’s gorgeous to look at, thanks to cinematographer Ben Davis, and it clips along with
ease, thanks to McDonagh and editor
Lisa Gunning. It isn’t a movie for everybody, but it’s well aware of that fact, and
it’s still a hell of a good time. Even if its
most notable female character happens to
be a Shih Tzu.

AS AN ENTITLED white guy, the director Martin McDonagh isn’t that conBechdel Test is a fairly effective way for cerned about it, at least not here: Here, he
me to see exactly how myopic the media just wants to tell an increasingly feverish
story about Marty. And Billy.
I consume is. So much of evSeven Psychopaths
And a charming, doddering
erything fails the test, which
dir. Martin McDonagh
dog thief (charming, dodderis weird, because its three
Opens Fri Oct 12
ing Christopher Walken), and
requirements shouldn’t be
Various Theaters
an Amish sociopath (Harry
hard: that a fi lm have at least
two women characters, that they talk Dean Stanton), and an exceedingly trouto each other, and that they talk to each bled man with a bunny (Tom Waits), and
other about something other than a man. a trigger-happy crime boss (Woody Harrelson). Things get a bit meta, and they
And yet.
But while the Bechdel Test is depress- get impressively bloody, and there might
ingly useful in terms of seeing how most be one or two women in it? Briefly? There
fi lms deal with gender (and, uh, reality) is defi nitely a dog in it.
it’s less reliable as an indicator of quality. Sometimes, really great stuff fails the
Bechdel Test. Which—segue!—brings us
to Seven Psychopaths, a fi lm that gleefully, phenomenally fails the Bechdel Test.
And I loved the hell out of it. That might
say something about me.
It’s not that the dark, hilarious Seven
Psychopaths is unaware of its workings:
At one point, the probably insane Billy
(Sam Rockwell, awesome) happily points
out to his alcoholic screenwriter pal Marty (Colin Farrell) how ill treated women
are in fi lm—they’re treated worse, Billy
notes, than dogs. Billy’s observation includes Seven Psychopaths, but writer/ SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS “How do you guys even get your hair to do that?”
Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com

meth cook to be one of the most baller
actors working today.
The third most awesome dude in this
movie is a tie between everybody else
involved.
Let us all shake the dust off of our ’90sera Ben Affleck Fan Club membership
cards and get back on board. Gigli is long
gone. Argo is here. Affleck, unquestionably, rules.

TWENTY YEARS LATER
El Mariachi and Reservoir Dogs
dirs. Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino
Open Fri Oct 12
Hollywood Theater
THE SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL
started in 1978, under the somewhat less
catchy, definitely less Robert Redford-y
name the Utah/US Film Festival. It’s since
turned into an annual ski vacation for Hollywood. But between then and now, it
managed to give American cinema a swift
kick in the ass.
The most exciting time for Sundance
was in the late ’80s and early ’90s, when
films like Paul Thomas Anderson’s short
Cigarettes & Coffee (1993) and Steven
Soderbergh’s Sex, Lies, and Videotape
(1989) first made their marks. Into the
’90s, everyone from Kevin Smith (Clerks,
1994) to Darren Aronofsky (Pi, 1998) to
Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez (The
Blair Witch Project, 1999) showed that
independent film could reach a far larger
audience. But as I’ll shout to anyone who’ll
listen, the big year was 1992, thanks to
two of Sundance’s selections: Robert Rodriguez’s El Mariachi and Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs.
Twenty years later, it’s tempting to use
those two films as measuring sticks for
how far independent cinema has come
(and how far it hasn’t), just as it’s tempting to compare the 29-year-old who made
Reservoir Dogs to the Tarantino of Inglorious Basterds, or the 23-year-old who
made El Mariachi for $7,000 to the Rodriguez of Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the
World. It’s easy to remember how Reservoir Dogs spawned a tsunami of Tarantino wannabes, and how Rodriguez’s
pioneering use of digital filmmaking tech
accelerated its mainstream acceptance,
or to pontificate about the duo’s collaborations: Sin City, Grindhouse, From Dusk
Till Dawn.
I’ll leave that to the real fi lm writers,
and instead reiterate the obvious: It’s
not that Reservoir Dogs (vicious, funny,
bloody) and El Mariachi (clever, charming, exhilarating) became as infl uential
as they did, nor that they now serve as
totems of indie cinema’s explosion in
the ’90s. It’s that—even now—these two
low-budget, high-energy fl icks are as fun
and cool and exciting as they were back
when a couple of twenty-something kids
showed up with them at Sundance. In
celebration of their 20th anniversaries,
the Hollywood Theatre is showing 35mm
prints of both of them. Go. Have fun.
ERIK HENRIKSEN

October 11, 2012 Portland Mercury 43

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Bankruptcy attorney

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Bankruptcy attorney since 1983
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520 SW Yamhill · Suite 420 · Portland 97204

There Will Be Concussions

FILM

Kevin James Takes a Beating, Keeps on Teaching by Alex Falcone

THE OTHER DAY, I was thinking, ending for you, because that would ruin the
“What would a two-hour feel-good com- fun of knowing exactly what’s going to hapmercial for UFC look like?” Okay, that pen as soon as the movie starts.
Mr. Brawlin’s Opus is lightly funny,
wasn’t the other day, that was never, but
making it an acceptable movthe universe answered me
Mr. Brawlin’s Opus
iegoing experience for people
anyway in the form of Here
dir. Frank Coraci
with back injuries and womComes the Boom, which will
Opens Fri Oct 12
en who are pregnant or may
hereafter be referred to by
Various Theaters
become pregnant. Despite
the vastly superior title Mr.
featuring several very funny comediBrawlin’s Opus.
Kevin James stars as a burned-out ans (and Joe Rogan), it still leans pretty
high school teacher (literally too cool for heavily on gay jokes and men throwing
school!), who takes up cage fighting to up on other men’s faces. But what it lacks
save the band program (literally some- in humor, it makes up in heart: In addithing worth fighting for!). This might not tion to being surprisingly pro-band, the
seem like the most obvious fundraising movie also features inspiring dialogue:
path, but James’ thought process is pretty “You gotta go after your dreams.” “You
convincing: “I need to raise money. Oh think?” “Yeah.”
If you’re one of the dozens of Amerilook, UFC is on television. I’ll try that.”
So James works his way up the ladder of cans in the center of the Venn diagram
what appears to be cage-fighting open mics, for “People Who Love High School Band”
while simultaneously wooing the school and “People Who Own a Tapout T-Shirt,”
nurse, played by Salma Hayek (who’s so you’re sure to love Mr. Brawlin’s Opus. If
charming and attractive that you can see not, maybe wait for the sequel, in which
why the producers decided this movie only Kevin James will take a job as a sniper to
needed one woman). And I won’t spoil the help fund the school’s chess club.

MR. BRAWLIN’S OPUS The King of Queens? More like King of the Ring, motherfuckers.

Reel Big Fest

A Whole Lotta Music Documentaries by Ned Lannamann

FILM

THIRTY YEARS IN, Northwest Film by the mammoth undertaking itself. And
Center’s annual Reel Music fi lm festival Stephen Fry’s avuncular Wagner and Me
continues its methodology of “more is (Oct 27) attempts to reconcile the beauty of
Wagner’s music with the
more,” cramming two-plus
Reel Music
composer’s antisemitism
weeks with more music
dirs. Various
and Nazi descendants.
documentaries than a perFri Oct 12-Sat Oct 27
The festival opens with
son can realistically see.
Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell
the
Portland premieres
There are fi lms of every
Auditorium, Mission Theater
of two noteworthy films.
stripe and musical genre—
from hiphop to jazz to classical—and if the AKA Doc Pomus (Oct 12) examines the
fest feels oversaturated, some things are life story of Pomus (born Jerome Felder),
a Brooklyn Jew crippled by childhood polio
worth singling out.
The big-ticket item is guitarist Marc who transformed himself into a blues singRibot’s live accompaniment to Charlie er before becoming one of Tin Pan Alley’s
Chaplin’s 1921 silent classic The Kid (Oct biggest songwriters. And Ice-T’s directo22). The sentimental fi lm stands on its rial debut, Something from Nothing: The
own, but can only benefit from the frame- Art of Rap (Oct 12), is invigoratingly good:
work of a Ribot concert. Outlaw coun- Ice-T himself is fairly ridiculous, but he
try singer/songwriter Billy Joe Shaver mostly gets out of the way, allowing an alalso performs a couple of days after the most comprehensive cross-section of great
screening of his bio-doc The Portrait of rappers from hiphop to discuss technique
and perform directly for the camera. It’s
Billy Joe (Oct 14).
Two worthwhile films on Richard Wag- a reminder of rap’s vitality and artistry,
ner bookend the festival. Wagner’s Dream particularly during its initial, underground
(Oct 14) documents the Metropolitan Op- heyday—and a reminder that its power has
era’s recent staging of the four-part “Ring” been dulled by its subsequent transformacycle of operas, becoming nearly crushed tion into mainstream pop.
44 Portland Mercury October 11, 2012

THE BONY FINGERS of a wind-stripped
tree branch claw at the window while a
handsome young man repeatedly runs his
bloody head into a wall, sobbing. This is
how Andrea Arnold’s stripped-down, minimally spoken Wuthering Heights begins,
and it doesn’t get much easier to watch.
Like most adaptations, Arnold’s retelling of
Emily Brontë’s much-dissected 1847 novel
addresses its earlier half, specifically the
doomed, complicated relationship between
Heathcliff (played by Solomon Glave and
James Howson), a homeless boy taken in by
the Earnshaw family in their rustic home on
the merciless moors of Northern England,

FILM

are in How to Survive a Plague, the
extremely well-crafted documentary of
AIDS activism group ACT UP. It should
be required viewing for youngsters
like me.
Director David France does his complicated subject justice, piecing together
the fi lm from loads of priceless archival
footage and powerful interviews with aging activists lucky enough to survive the
epidemic that killed millions of people
before groups like ACT UP forced our
government to take the “gay men’s disease” seriously. The footage captures the
hopelessness and life-and-death fury of
activists at a time when politicians turned
a blind eye to HIV, and it’s an inspiring
message for jaded Americans today: Protest can actually lead to major change.
SARAH MIRK

and their daughter Catherine (Shannon
Beer and Kaya Scodelario).
Whereas Heathcliff’s origins are ambiguous in the novel, Arnold simplifies his
alienation from the other characters by
choosing to portray him as black, the “nword” being an occasional angle taken by
hateful stepbrother Hindley (Lee Shaw) in
his persecution of him. By doing so Arnold
eliminates some of the societal debate that
typically attends this story, throwing off the
trappings of costume drama in favor of a
visceral world where mud, blood, wind, wild
bird feathers, and animal suffering intertwine with human drama.
Moody and strangely claustrophobic
despite its open air, Arnold has managed to take one of literature’s darker
footnotes and plunge it further into willful misery. It’s beautiful, uncomfortable,
and particularly in its depiction of childhood, loaded with complexity. MARJORIE SKINNER

How to Survive a Plague
dir. David France
Opens Fri Oct 12
Living Room Theaters

I WAS BORN at the peak of the AIDS
crisis. I’m too young to remember Senator Jesse Helms denouncing sodomy on
the floor of the Capitol, or the mayor of
New York calling AIDS activists fascists, or Greenwich Village artist Ray
Navarro crashing an Catholic anti-condom pronouncement dressed like Jesus
and proclaiming, “Make your second
coming a safe one!” All those scenes

OTHER THAN ITS strategic appeal to
specific community associations, the grouping of a film festival based on region of origin
makes for a puzzling viewing experience.
This year’s Portland Latin American Film
Festival (PLAFF) follows suit with a wide
variety of films. There’s the paperbackstyle romantic drama of Mexico’s Hidalgo,
starring Weeds’ Esteban (Demián Bichir);
Spain’s animation for adults, Chico & Rita;
the Ecuadorian drug-crime romp of Pescador; and more.
As is reflective of Latin culture, music
is a connective thread through some of the
best submissions in the festival. Tijuana’s
Nortec Sounds is a modest, hour-long look
at the development of Tijuana’s Nortec
scene, a vibrant fusion of electronic and
traditional Mexican sounds that succinctly
summarizes the cultural influences—like
the rise of narco gangs, and the perpetuation of the city’s “myth” as being the place
to cross into the United States—that have
influenced the city’s musical evolution.
Highly recommended is Violeta Went
to Heaven, a music biopic about Chilean
folk singer Violeta Parra, who in addition
to preserving and propagating traditional
music was a passionate and prolific songwriter and visual artist whose life’s arc
(from dirt-poor beginnings to international fame to tragic end) is as compelling
as her music is powerful. MARJORIE
SKINNER
October 11, 2012 Portland Mercury 45

Amusing And illuminAting.
VisuAlly Arresting.”

“

– Joe Leydon, Variety

FILM SHORTS
THE PAPERBOY

ARCHANGEL

Guy Maddin’s second feature. Fifth Avenue Cinema.

★ ARGO
See review this issue. Various Theaters.

ATLAS SHRUGGED: PART 2

Two thumbs up! PAUL RYAN Various Theaters.

★ BILL W.
Bill W.—no last name needed—is familiar to any kid dragged
to a church basement on a Friday night and told to quietly
PORTLAND_DCD_1011
eat butter cookies while grownups take turns talking about
how their obsession with alcohol repeatedly, unceasingly,
keeps ruining their lives. Bill’s the long-dead co-founder
of Alcoholics Anonymous, and he’s revered as something
close to a personal, tangible messiah among the hard cases
who cling for dear life to his books, his “higher power”
PORTLAND
mantra, and his now-ubiquitous 12-step program. At a
Living Room Theatres
time when alcoholism either led to jail or the asylum, Bill
(971) 222-2010
W. offered a way out. But the singular—and perhaps most
powerful—message that oozes from Bill W., an occasionPORTLANDally slow-moving documentary probing Wilson’s life, is a
Living Room Theatres (971)
222-2010
simple,
inescapable fact about the man: He was just another
alcoholic. DENIS THERIAULT Cinema 21.

★ FRANKENSTEIN
You probably feel like you’ve seen the 1931 horror classic, even if you haven’t. But this is still the greatest filmed
interpretation of Mary Shelley’s novel, transformed into a
gothic melodrama anchored by Boris Karloff, who finds
the perfect balance of tender and terrifying as the mad
scientist’s stitched-together creature. It’s more sad than
scary these days, but Frankenstein remains undeniably
powerful. NED LANNAMANN Hollywood Theatre.

FRANKIE GO BOOM
Frankie’s recovering drug addict brother goes to extraordinary lengths to humiliate him in the dark comedy
Frankie Go Boom. For as long as they’ve been brothers, Bruce (Chris O’Dowd) has made home movies of
Frankie’s (Charlie Hunnam) mortifications. When drunken
pixie dream girl Lassie (Lizzy Caplan! In a bikini and
rainboots!) crashes into Frankie’s life and Bruce makes
an embarrassing video of their burgeoning crush, the
brotherly love gets even thinner. It’s fair to say that a
butt-ton of hijinks ensue, and if you can ignore its cringeworthy ending, Frankie Go Boom is a pretty decent
comedy with a likeable cast. COURTNEY FERGUSON
Hollywood Theatre.

★ THE GREAT SILENCE
A mute Jean-Louis Trintignant faces off against psychotic bounty killer Klaus Kinski in Sergio Corbucci’s
1968 spaghetti western. Shot in wintertime snow with
plenty of bloodshed, The Great Silence is a bleak,
great movie, highlighted by an Ennio Morricone score
and a memorably tragic ending. NED LANNAMANN
Hollywood Theatre.
★ HECKLEVISION: PRESIDENTIAL

DEBATES

The debates, with your texts popping up onscreen! This
will surely be a very respectful exchange of nuanced
ideas. Hollywood Theatre.

★ HOW TO SURVIVE A PLAGUE
See review this issue. Living Room Theaters.
★ LOOPER
Looper is “just” an action movie the same way Brick was
“just” a noir, or The Brothers Bloom was “just” a heist
flick: All three were written and directed by Rian Johnson,
and with each, Johnson appropriates the skeleton of a
genre, then fleshes it out in astonishingly clever ways. All
you need to know to enjoy Looper is that actions have
consequences—and Looper is an action movie. ERIK
HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

Church in Salt Lake City between 1964 and 1974.”
This will probably be bizarre and great. And timely! The
Faux Museum.

MR. BRAWLIN’S OPUS

See review this issue. Various Theaters.

NIGHT OF THE CREEPS
Hey, just like a moonlit stroll in Waterfront Park!
Laurelhurst Theater.

THE PAPERBOY

Director Lee Daniels’ follow-up to Precious is an unholy
mess—a lurid, sticky tale of murder and sex set in the
Florida swamp. Nicole Kidman, Matthew McConaughey,
Zac Efron, and John Cusack try vainly to acquit themselves, but Daniels isn’t focused so much on plot or
character as in icking out the audience. (Kidman and
Cusack send each other to mutual orgasm without touching; Kidman pees on Efron; Cusack rapes Kidman as
Daniels intercuts footage of wild animals.) An entertaining piece of trash could have been whittled out of this
nonsense, but Daniels opts for something pretentious
and incoherent. NED LANNAMANN Fox Tower 10.

★ THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER
After I read—and completely fell in love with—The Perks of
Being a Wallflower, I dreaded seeing the movie. I didn’t
think I could stomach any changes to such a sweet, sad,
and triumphant story. But guess what? This movie totally
worked! I still can’t believe it. The cathartic Perks captures the sometimes-awesome/always-awkward pains
and victories of American teenagerdom in a way that
few movies do. ELINOR JONES Various Theaters.
★ PITCH PERFECT
Bridesmaids’ female-driven raunch trickles down to
college in Pitch Perfect, a deeply derivative yet totally
enjoyable teen movie about a college a capella group.
Essentially Glee with swearing and vagina jokes, this
movie has about a billion problems, and I don’t care
about any of them because SONG BATTLES. Bonus:
Anna Kendrick is utterly adorable as an angsty wannabe
record producer, and Elizabeth Banks is great as a
cheerfully bitter contest announcer. ALISON HALLETT
Various Theaters.

PORTLAND LATIN AMERICAN FILM
FESTIVAL
See Film, this issue. Hollywood Theatre.

PREMIUM RUSH
A film based on the wet dreams of bike couriers everywhere,
Premium Rush is one of the stupidest movies ever, which
is to say it’s both remarkably silly and surprisingly fun. A
thriller set in the exhilarating world of... uh... bike couriering, it stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt—the guy your girlfriend
likes more than she likes you—as Wilee, a character whose
name is (A) pronounced like the coyote’s, and (B) nearly as
dumb as the phrase “premium rush.” Bike courier Wilee, like
most people with fixies, never shuts the fuck up about his
fixie, and he also says things like “Brakes are death!” and
“Runnin’ reds, killin’ peds.” He’d be insufferable if JoGoLev,
who is way more handsome and likeable than you, didn’t
play him. ERIK HENRIKSEN Laurelhurst Theater, Valley
Theater, Vancouver Plaza 10.

See the Mercury movie section for showtimes, and visit our NEW website

w w w .H o l l y

w o o d T H e a T r e . org
October 11, 2012 Portland Mercury 47

SAVAGE LOVE

Choice Words by Dan Savage
I recently discovered that my boyfriend of
seven months and I have opposing viewpoints
on the whole “life begins at conception” issue. He’s not a crazy zealot, but he is strongly
against abortion. And while he won’t go so far
as to say abortion should be banned, he does
believe in the whole “personhood” concept,
i.e., that a fetus—from the moment of conception—is a person with the same rights as any
other person. This shocked me, and I almost
broke up with him. He says that disagreeing
on issues is fine in a relationship, but I am not
so sure. I find his position abhorrent, one that
ignores hundreds of real-life factors, and it
opens the door for a litany of laws regulating
my body. He’s a sweet, loving guy and progressive in every other way. But I’m suddenly unsure about a relationship I viewed as totally
solid just a few days ago. I’m not sure if this
should be a deal breaker or if this is just a disagreement. Please advise.
Love Is Finding Errors

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48 Portland Mercury October 11, 2012

Your boyfriend won’t go so far as to say abortion should be banned… or maybe he saw the
shocked look on your face and realized that going so far as to say
abortion should be banned to you
would be a big mistake.
Here’s a good way to fi nd out
if your boyfriend is serious about
not wanting to impose his personal beliefs on others or whether
he’s an anti-choice zealot: Tell him
you’re pregnant.
Some men blithely assume anti-choice positions because “personhood” and other anti-choice
arguments appeal to them in the
abstract and, hey, it’s not like their bodies or
their futures are on the line, right? Most anti-choice-in-the-abstract men come to a very
different conclusion about the importance of
access to safe and legal abortion when an unplanned pregnancy impacts them directly.
So tell your boyfriend you’re pregnant. You
can present it as a thought experiment if you
prefer, LIFE, but I think you should flat-out lie
to him. Then, once the news sinks in, ask him
if he’s ready to provide fi nancial support for a
child and/or make regular, monthly child support payments directly to you. Ask him if he’s
ready for the responsibilities (and the grind)
of full- or even part-time parenting. Ask him
if he knows you well enough—just seven short
months into this relationship—to make the
kind of lifetime commitment that scrambling
your DNA together entails. Because even if
you don’t get married, even if you don’t live
together and raise this child together, you two
will be stuck with each other for the rest of
your lives if you have the baby.
I’m guessing his answers will be “no, no,
and no” and he’ll offer to drive you to the nearest abortion clinic himself.
As for whether you should date someone
who is anti-choice, well, women have to be in
control of their own bodies—and when and
whether they reproduce—in order to be truly
equal. I don’t think I could date someone who
didn’t see me as his equal or who believed that
the state should regulate my sexual or reproductive choices. So, yeah, this shit would be a
deal breaker for me, LIFE, if I had a vagina.
Actually, this issue is a deal breaker for me,
even though I don’t have a vagina. I wouldn’t
date a gay dude who was anti-choice. Any gay
man who can’t see the connection between a
woman’s right to have children when she chooses and his right to love and marry the person
he chooses is an idiot. And I don’t date idiots.
If your hypothetical pregnancy doesn’t
shock your boyfriend out of his idiocy, LIFE,
you’ll have to ask yourself if you can continue
dating this idiot.
And speaking of abortion…
Researchers at Washington University
in St. Louis released the results of a massive study—more than 9,000 women partici-

pated—on the effects of making birth control more widely available. And how did they
make birth control more widely available?
They gave it away for free. And it turns out
that making birth control available to women
at no cost, which is what the president is trying to do, reduced the teen birth rate by more
than 80 percent (from 34.3 births per 1,000
teens on average to 6.3 births per 1,000 for
teens enrolled in the study), and it reduced
the number of abortions by 62–78 percent
(from 19.6 abortions per 1,000 women on average to 4.4 to 7.5 abortions per 1,000 women
enrolled in the study).
A person can’t call himself pro-life and oppose access to birth control (or Obamacare!).
If you do oppose access to birth control—or
you oppose Obamacare because it expands access to birth control—you’re not really pro-life.
You’re just anti-sex.
I found porn on my kid’s computer and I talked to him about being careful about spyware,
the difference between actual intimacy and
objectifi cation, and that kind of thing. I don’t
have a problem with a 15-year-old
boy looking at porn—so long as
he’s discreet and doesn’t do it to
excess. But what my kid was looking at was standard stuff, i.e., garden variety M/F porn and a touch
of M/M porn. But a friend found
a stash of really kinky violenceagainst-women stuff on her kid’s
computer. I’m thinking a parent
can’t let that go as easily. She’s
N
O
WT
about to confront her kid. I don’t
NE
E
JO
think you can help her with what
to say, since she’ll already have
said something, but what would you have advised her to say?
My Friend’s Kinky Son
You meet two kinds of people at kink events and
in kink spaces: people who’ve always known
they were kinky—people who were jerking off
to kinky fantasies and/or porn long before they
were 15—and people who got into kink after
falling in love with someone who was kinky.
Your friend’s son sounds like one of the former.
It’s important for your friend to bear in
mind that her son, if he is indeed kinky, sought
out kinky porn. Kinky porn didn’t make him
kinky. And being shamed by his mother for his
porn preferences—or his kinks—isn’t going to
unmake his kinks.
That said, MFKS, your friend should talk
with her son about the difference between
porn and real sex—kinky or vanilla—and the
difference between erotic power exchange
and violence. She should also talk to him
about safety and misogyny, and she should
encourage him to be thoughtful about his
sexuality. And most importantly, MFKS, she
should emphasize the importance of meaningful and informed CONSENT.
Your friend’s son isn’t going to want to dialogue with his mom about his porn stash or his
kinks, MFKS, so she should go in prepared to
monologue at him.
Finally, there’s a chance that your friend’s
son isn’t kinky and was just looking for the
most appalling shit he could fi nd on the internet. Mom should acknowledge that as a possibility, and her son, even if he is kinky, is likely
to seize on that excuse. If he does claim that
he was just looking for shocking video clips,
she should say: “I believe you. But there’s a
small chance that you’re saying that because
you think it’s what I want to hear. So I’m going
to say everything I wanted to say about safety,
misogyny, and consent just in case. And all of it
applies to vanilla sex, too.”
Find the Savage Lovecast
at thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
@fakedansavage on Twitter

Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com

I♥TELEVISION

™

Trilogy of Terror

by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey
GUYS! I HOPE you packed an extra pair
of tighty-whiteys (I know I always do),
because this week’s TV schedule is jampacked with shows designed to scare the
poop into them! Which is pretty annoying
actually. I mean, it’s fun to be scared—
but if you’re like me and suffer from
HTBD (Hair-Trigger Bowel Disorder),
then a random startle can quickly turn
into a VERY messy situation.
Example! The other day I was in Costco marveling at a 37-pound can of boiled
baby carrots, when some stupid dingaling accidentally dropped a 75-pound box
of “dandy monocles” right behind me.
Naturally I assumed it was the vengeful ghost of Osama bin Laden crashing
a stolen B-2 Bomber fi lled with syphilis
into the “gigantic bags of frozen chicken
wings” aisle (because why wouldn’t he,
right?), and a second later… PFFFTTBBTTHHFFF! My HTBD went off, and
I’m standing there with a dookie ball
the size of Jay Leno’s head in my pants.
Which in Costco isn’t that unusual—but
still! My underpants have better things
to do with their time than to be assaulted
in such an unseemly manner!
I have roughly 30 other examples…
but time is short. That’s why I’m warning
all other sufferers of HTBD to look out
for the bowel-exploding horror that will
be squirting out of your TV this week.
For instance…
• The Walking Dead (season premiere, Sun Oct 14, 9 pm, AMC). After
a season of boring us to tears on that
STUPID farm, the zombie-killing survivors of The Walking Dead are back
to doing what they do best: squashin’
some goddamn zombie skulls. RAH! The
gang fi nds a new hideout—which, while
crawling with the undead, at least isn’t as
BORING as Old McDrunky’s Farm (E-IE-I-OH). You can also expect leader Rick
to continue his slide into the moral abyss,
while teaming up with a maniacal tyrant
called “The Governor,” and a katanaswinging zombie ninja named Michonne
who is followed around by… AHH! TWO

3 Locations Open 24HRS!!!

JEREMY EATON

JAWLESS ZOMBIES?!? (PFFFTTBBTTHHFFF!) Damn it.
• American Horror Story (season
premiere, Wed Oct 17, 10 pm, FX). While
TV creator Ryan Murphy hits and misses
on a regular basis (the abysmal Glee and
the not-quite-good The New Normal being misses), last year’s American Horror
Story was an out-of-the-park home run,
in which the ball flew over the wall and
into an adjacent street where it killed
Gwyneth Paltrow, who was trying to sell
a poor person a $300 organic cotton, “fair
trade” fanny pack. This season features
some of last year’s actors (Jessica Lange,
Sarah Paulson, Zachary Quinto) in a
brand-new—and very freaky—storyline.
It’s 1964 and the setting is a creepy East
Coast asylum for the criminally insane
run by a sadistic nun (Lange). Omigod,
YES! The show also features a lesbian
reporter (Paulson), freaky torture sequences, and “Shelley the Nymphomaniac” played by Chloë Sevigny. (PFFFTTBBTTHHFFF!) That last one was from
sheer joy.
• Dog with a Blog (debut, Fri Oct 12,
9:30 pm, Disney.) A new show. About a
dog. That talks. And has a blog. WHAT…
THE… (PFFFTTBBTTHHFFF!) Oh,
my poor underpants.

The party
doesn't stop
when the bars
close.......

We party all
night until
the sun
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This Week on Television
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11
6:00 ALL NETS VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
It’s Joe “Uncle Crazy” Biden vs. Paul “I Kind of Lie…
a LOT” Ryan. Place yer bets!
9:00 CW BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
Debut! A homicide detective teams up with a
“beast” who gains super strength when enraged.
(Man, Disney AND the Hulk should sue.)

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12
9:00 NBC GRIMM
Nick and Hank are called in to investigate a gruesome murder… but really, on this show, is there any
other kind?

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13
9:00 SYFY AMERICAN HORROR HOUSE—Movie
(2012) Not to be confused with American Horror
STORY, which would suit Syfy just fine, I bet.
11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Tonight with musical guest Passion Pit and host Christina “Man… Kelly Bundy was HOT!” Applegate.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14
9:00 ABC REVENGE
Emily continues to be plagued by the enemies of
her past, which means there’s nothing left but…
REVENGE!!

9:00 AMC THE WALKING DEAD
Season premiere! Rick finds a new hidey-hole for
the gang—but there are a few zombie skulls that
need squashin’ first!

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 17
8:00 CW ARROW
Arrow takes on the evil China White… whose name
makes me want a bump of cocaine for some reason.
10:00 FX AMERICAN HORROR STORY
Season premiere! Anybody up for a tour of an asylum for the criminally insane? Why yes! There ARE
sexy nuns involved!

Tony Millionaire’s work is published by Dark Horse Comics and online at maakies.com

MAAKIES // TONY MILLIONAIRE

ILLUSTRATION BY
KALAH ALLEN

Ryan North has daily comics available at qwantz.com

DINOSAUR COMICS // RYAN NORTH

A SHITTY DATE
I left you at the movies in the middle of our first date
and I thought you should know why: I shit my pants. I
don’t know what I ate that did such a number on my
digestive system, but I wasn’t going to let it keep me
from spending time with you. I was convinced it was
just gas, and held it in check as long as I could. When
you got up to use the restroom I wasted no time venting the pressure cooker in my bowels. That’s when I
realized to my horror that what I mistook for simple
gas was a foul jet of blackest putrescence. I panicked.
Grabbing my sweater, I tied it around my waist and
walked briskly toward the exit, just as you were coming back in. I mumbled something about having to use
the restroom as well, knowing full well I was lying. Yet
another thing I regret. By the time I made it back to my
place, you had texted me 10 times; initially with cute
faux concerns when you believed I was still in the restroom, then sincere worry, and finally disappointment.
I had no idea how to respond, so I did what I do best,
which was nothing. Sorry.—Anonymous
Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300
words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty,
to “I, Anonymous,” at anonymous@portlandmercury.com,
or on the new I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com.
UNDERWORLD // KAZ

Kaz's work is published by Fantagraphics; view his work at kazunderworld.com

Submit your photos & art online at flickr.com/groups/portlandmercury

johannasaurus

IDIOT BOX // MATT BORS

Matt Bors is a Portland-based political cartoonist; view his work at mattbors.com