Taylor Swift Filed a Restraining Order Against Her "Husband"

Today in celebrity gossip: A worrisome gentleman must now stay at least 100 yards away from Taylor Swift, why Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield were conspicuously absent from the Oscars, and Miley Cyrus' teleprompter scandal.

Let it be known that if you were planning on sending "a torrent of emails, letters, and social media posts" to Taylor Swift professing your love for her and also threatening to murder her family and/or the Secretary of State, she will probably file a restraining order against you. That's what happened to a troubled 33-year-old gentleman named Timothy Sweet this week when a judge ordered him to stay 100 yards away from the singer and her family. Among his many disturbing missives, Sweet had cryptically threatened that "if anyone in Taylor Swift's family gets killed, it is not my fault." Not even former senator John Kerry was safe from Sweet's threats: "Dearest Taylor, I'll kill any man who gets in the way of our marriage. Message to John Kerry, Secretary of State." Yikes! What kind of maniac is even thinking about John Kerry these days? I'd kind of forgotten he existed! Anyway, in my opinion stalking is wrong. Taylor Swift probably made a good call here. [TMZ]

Captain America himself Chris Evans may have introduced the superhero montage during this year's Oscars telecast, but apparently he wasn't the producers' first choice. Nope, that would be The Amazing Spider-Man's Andrew Garfield who was originally set to do the honors, but according to Radar he and girlfriend Emma Stone canceled at the last minute. While early speculation suggested the two skipped the Oscars due to interpersonal drama, a source disagrees: "If it were a fight or something between them one would have just came without the other, but this seemed to be more of something going on with one of their families." Radar went on to point out that Stone's mother had been "diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in 2008 — a case that is known to be highly aggressive and notoriously tough to treat," though had been cancer-free for about five years. So yes, for those keeping score, almost everything about this story is pure speculation. Except that Andrew Garfield was supposed to present at the Oscars and didn't. That part happened. Anyway, fingers-crossed that everybody's okay? [Radar]

Um, just so everybody's clear, the man following Zac Efron around the Oscars was NOT a sober buddy. Despite Radar's "exclusive" story on the matter in which they claimed "the hunky actor had his sober coach glued to his hip" during Sunday's festivities, E! Online claims it's just not true. "The person who accompanied Efron to Hollywood's biggest show of the year was his longtime manager Jason Barrett." There you have it. Two rehab stints or not, Efron is able to attend awards shows without a minder, thank you very much. Hey, remember when Efron and Michael B. Jordan and Miles Teller promoted That Awkward Moment by revealing tons of sex stories to the press for months on end? Those were good times. Anyway. Zac Efron did not bring a sober buddy to the Oscars. [E! Online]

Did you know that the word "teleprompter" is actually the name of a specific product that has been subsumed by a more genericized meaning, much like Xerox or Kleenex or Tivo? In fact, if we're getting proper about it, it's actually spelled TelePrompTer. But now it refers to any technology that allows someone to read pre-written text while also staring directly into a camera or at an audience. President Obama came under fire for relying on one during many of his speeches, even though basically every president since the technology's inception has done the same. Why do you think that was? Because we are inherently distrustful of people who aren't operating strictly off of memory? It's a fascinating subject, the teleprompter. Anyway, Miley Cyrus uses one on her Bangerz tour. [Daily Mail]

The undisputed superstar of NBC's Sochi Olympics coverage was Johnny Weir, a mystic prince from realms unfathomable. But according to Radar, Weir has been dealing with a bit of domestic drama lately, and it involves the time he allegedly bit his husband! Apparently shortly before Sochi, Victor Voronov filed a domestic violence charge against Weir for aforementioned bite, but upon Weir's return from Russia the two had reconciled and in fact showed up to court together this week in order to get the charges dismissed. The best part of the story? The judge looked at Johnny Weir's ensemble and said "Nice hairdo!" (Radar does not specify whether the exclamation point was ironic or sincere.) Despite its long, storied history of exacting righteous justice, the American legal system has truly never had a prouder day. [Radar]

The words "flawless" and "stunning" are thrown about so cavalierly these days, but if ever a situation called for those superlatives, THIS photo of Mariah Carey would be it. Please bask in the tropical delight of Mimi crouching on one foot against a pillar, and flaunting her decolletage as a dog roams aimlessly in the background.