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It Could Happen to You

First things first….let me apologize for this post. It’s horrifying, graphic and, mostly, humiliating BUT completely necessary. I am writing it because 1) I think it’s funny and 2) to prepare you if you ever travel to Asia or another part of the world where you could encounter what I have. If you are easily grossed out, go ahead and skip this one. Thanks and sorry.

In the past, I had heard rumors about Turkish toilets but I was that ignorant and invincible mentality person….It will never happen to me. The stories always included scary moments of backsplashing and peeing on yourself which were naturally followed by laughs. I can now personally attest that Turkish toilets (also called Squat toilets) are no laughing matter and that the rumors are absolutely 100% true. Sadly, backsplash and peeing on yourself are not always the worst case scenarios.

When Fabien first arrived in China he told me that the men’s bathroom at his work had a Turkish toilet. Then, the 22 year old that I met on the plane to Beijing also mentioned something about these toilets. I laughed at both stories and thought….This will never happen to me.

So, here we are. Night #2 in China. A large group of us were at a fantastic Japanese restaurant indulging in amazing food, saki and beer. Eventually, it was time to break the seal so I excused myself to the rest room. I ignorantly walked up the stairs, into the rest room and opened the door. My eyes looked at the 2 1/2 foot level. “Where is the toilet?” I go to the next stall. Again, no toilet. Then, I saw the porcelain object, on the floor that resembled the part of the seat that us women complain about touching when a man leaves the seat up. F! Seriously?!?! How could this happen to me? I rolled up my pant legs and with the first release, I completely missed the hole. Insert humiliation here. Thankfully, the next attempt was more successful. Later that night we went to a club that had a regular toilet and I was thrilled, ecstatic and relieved. From this point forward, preference will be given to business’s that have a standing, seat toilet.

Now, after I gave the Squat toilet some thought, there are some advantages:

1) I will build up my leg muscles.
2) My ass will never (hopefully) touch a place that someone else’s ass has touch. Major pro.
3) I will most definitely take my shoes off whenever I enter the apartment resulting in less sweeping and mopping at home.
4) Being that I am an animal lover, I will feel more at one with them. The next time I see Bear squatting, I’ll know exactly what he’s going through.

BUT (and I mean a big BUT), my greatest life fears are now…

1) Having to go #2 outside of the apartment.
2) Being a little tipsy and falling in someone else’s or my own pee (or something worse).
3) That I will encounter something else…..a stall without a door. I’ve heard their out there, but I don’t think, but hope and pray, that it will never happen to me.

So, consider this post a warning to you travelers. Don’t be ignorant like me because it could happen to you.