I don’t have time to write much (any) commentary, but yay for The Onion! They’re really coming out with a lot of hard-hitting animal stuff lately, with this and the Horse Beating thing. (And maybe some others I’m forgetting? Please comment if you have more.)

Topsy also delighted the audience after the trainer repeatedly thrust a hooked rod into his skin, causing the miserable animal to lift one leg and his trunk to simulate waving.

“Aww ” said the assembled circus-goers, who were taken by the cuteness of the barbaric spectacle.

Branden Helger, 9, said Topsy was his favorite performer at Ringling Bros. because the elephant knew how to do neat tricks like pretending to limp. The third-grader also excitedly pointed out the “cool necklace” clamped on the animal’s foot.

Topsy and the other elephant performers, who are separated from each other at all times, preventing the socialization that’s so crucial to their well-being, received a standing ovation from the crowd when they marched into the center ring, nervously rocking back and forth.

Vegan Drinks is TOMORROW. Free stuff, and booze, and vegans, and what else could you want for a Thursday night?

Teany’s coming back, y’all! The teahouse/maker of delicious baked goods and light meals just began rebuilding the space, more than six months after a fire put them out of business. Pleasepleaseplease, chicken salad melt, come back!!

Feeling generous? Or, hey, feeling like a greedy, selfish scumbag? ‘Til the end of the year, your donations to Farm Sanctuary will be matched TIMES TWO by some secret and super generous donor for the rest of ’09. Easy math: $1 for you = $3 for a cuddly lamb or frisky pig. So if you were planning to give nothing because you thought $20 wasn’t good enough (which it totally is!), now you’re giving $60, and that’s, what? Food for a family of four (goats) for a week or two, right?

Governor Paterson spoke at an NYLHV VIP reception held in his honor. Take a looksee at Ecorazzi’s interview with him.

So there’s an octopus…snatching a coconut? I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never seen an octopus run like that.

One of us (Patrick? Maybe?) ate vegan fried ice cream at Soy and Sake. Devourable or detestable? YOU DECIDE. (I’ve already decided that every system in my body would shut down if I got near that thing.)

Some of the tortured animals of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus

Horrified by the way the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus beats its animals, thousands of concerned German citizens appealed to the venues that would have hosted the Circus in Germany.

This concern for animal welfare made it clear that Ringling Bros. is not welcome in Germany because of the way Ringling tortures animals. The result is that Ringling Bros. canceled their entire tour of Germany!

If Germany can stop the circus from coming to town, what’s stopping us in the US from opposing such blatant useless cruelty?

The New Scientist tells us that “Rhesus macaques have been shown to possess yet another numerical talent once thought unique to humans – they can simultaneously count audible beeps and dots on a computer screen.” Good to know, but can we stop experimenting on them, please?

Lewis Cicero of Fairfield, Connecticut faced either execution or declawing after scratching some of his human neighbors in 2006. His guardian Ruth demanded a trial on criminal charges. The case was just dismissed, as Lewis has kept out of trouble under house arrest.

And tonight at midnight, there’s a protest scheduled to coincide with the 2008 Elephant Walk; literature on Intro 389 will be handed out, and footage of elephants being trained will be shown. (The current meeting place is in front of Tourneau Watches on 34th St. & 7th Ave., though that could change.) Cindy from Wetlands Activism Collective will provide anti-circus T-shirts, so give her a call at 917-526-3560 if you’d like her to bring one for you.