Do You Believe in Spirit Possession?

I have been possessed three times that I can remember. Why do I choose the term “possessed?” Simply because it best explains, describes and interprets my experience.
The first time, I was in Scotland in August of 2003. My husband (boyfriend, at the time) and I were staying at a castle with a long, checkered history of violence, war, domestic abuse and rape (does this, perchance, describe the history of most castles in Europe?). We were staying in a room straight out of Medieval Scotland, where they had taken pains to preserve the ambiance of the time. There was an enormous stone fireplace facing the canopy bed, and tiny windows looking out over the grounds. The walls were of stone many feet thick, so that we were well protected from cannon ball blasts and other instruments of 12th century combat.
That night, I was thoroughly exhausted from the miles of walking around the city and the time change from California. My husband was filled with adrenaline and enthusiasm, so he opted for the midnight tour of the castle, replete with history lessons and ghost stories. Before the tour, we knew nothing of the stories associated with the castle. I was happy to fall asleep in peace, knowing that my mate was occupied in learning the Things We Were Supposed to Know about our castle. Everything becomes confusing at this point; I vaguely remember fighting off my husband at some point between midnight and 4 AM. I heard myself yelling at him to stop pulling my hair, and I remember how angry I was. My emotions felt entirely foreign to me, as if I were acting out someone else’s drama. As it turns out, I was.
One of the stories Ty had heard while on tour was about the maid that lived in our room, who also happened to be the mistress of the prince. She had committed the unpardonable sin of becoming pregnant; thereby jeopardizing his good name and potentially bring into the family an assertive and property hungry bastard. Instead of handling this in a more humane manner, he decided one night to burn her alive in the very same fireplace that faced our canopy bed. He “dragged her by the hair from her bed, where she had been fast asleep, and pushed her forcibly into the fireplace”. The next morning, Ty told me her story and recounted for me my battles with him the night before.
It’s a frightening experience, feeling that someone else is trying to control your mind and body. I don’t wish to discuss here again the details of the attempted possession by some rotten hag who followed me from Camarillo—that is detailed elsewhere on this site. So allow me to skip to the most recent incident, one which occurred last night. I do suffer from panic attacks, and many might think that what I am about to relay is simply that; however, there are some key differences between a panic attack and an attempt at possession or a ‘borrowing’ of your body and mind as a vessel. Around 1:00, I was sure that I had lost the ability to breathe. That is a hallmark of the panic attack; once I figured that out, something else happened. I simply could not remember who I was, or where I found myself. Everything in the room looked utterly foreign. I felt that I was engaged in a battle to remember myself. I kept reciting the names of my cats, my family members, my daily routine, in a desperate bid to stop something from happening that was clearly in process. At one point, I yelled out “MY PARENTS DON’T LOVE ME”, and I was about to lose consciousness right after I said it. I remember forcefully kicking out whoever was expressing that terrible sentiment and gradually returning to myself through prayer.
So, there you have it. It felt like a child or a teenager had invaded my too open mind to express something that the world needed to hear. Once again, this did not “feel” like me, not even some subconscious part of me that needs addressing. I am fairly good about incorporating my conscious and semiconscious aspects into one whole, albeit damaged, personality. Of course, no mental health professional will EVER believe that I could have been possessed. For them, everything boils down to unconscious processes that I can’t possibly understand on a conscious level, because, well . . . that’s the definition of ‘unconscious’.
There are some curious aspects to my possession incidents that are not explained by the unconscious mind, as far as I am concerned: the feeling that I am not ‘me’ and that my surroundings are foreign, belonging to someone else; the sentences that I utter come flying out unbidden and unrelated to anything I am feeling or thinking about; the sense that I am battling for control of my mind, my utterances and my thought process. It is this last aspect that is peculiarly terrifying and strange. I have plenty of panic attacks and anxiety issues without the features mentioned above. In fact, these episodes stand out so clearly because I have so many emotional states to compare them to. They are struggles between Kirsten and whoever wishes to use Kirsten to express his/her anguish. I am something of a control freak, and I really do not wish to be someone who channels spirits. I’m so afraid that one of them will decide to take up permanent residence.
I have nothing else to add here except to say that I am continually shocked at the power and reality of the spirit world. I started out as an investigator thinking that the best I would find of the so-called Other Side would be a couple vague voices on audio or a chill here and there from a scary place, but I never, ever, ever anticipated the sheer, overwhelming presence and invasion of the invisible world. I may not SEE those in spirit, but every other sense picks them up with such regularity that the challenge is no longer to find them, but to keep them at bay!
I would most appreciate any feedback you might have regarding possession by spirits. I need to hear from others who know what I am talking about.
Sincerely, as always,
–Kirsten A. Thorne, PhD

Victor,
I would love to hear more about your religion and more about how to keep some control over these episodes. My husband thinks that this kind of possession is demonic, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. What do you think?
Kirsten

Definitely not demonic in nature. Demons only come to you when called upon. In some cases they just showup, but is usually related to another esoteric episode.

But spirits are everywhere. And what you describe sounds like a lot of my experiences.

There is a bunch of small things that can give you peace. There are plants that you can use that keep them at bay.If you are a Christian prayer will be your only defense… Unless you are willing to learn more. I recommend training under a medium. I don’t know if there is a reliable one near you.

Victor is right about the fear thing.I spent 4 1/2 years working at the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park Colorado, which is a very haunted location (Steven King stayed there several times and supposedly came up with the Shining there). I got a LOT of practice dealing with the “other side” up there and very quickly learned that some “spirits” feed on your fear. I also learned that if you controlled your fear and “fed” them self empowering form of aggression, that we called “red energy”, they couldn’t “digest” it. I use quotation marks because I am an athiest that also believes in the “other side” and those words are the best way to convey my meaning so others can understand. (I guess that makes me agnostic, but I don’t believe in god or a deity at all).

I found the books, “The Unquiet Dead: A Psychologist Treats Spirit Possession” by Dr. Edith Fiore, and “Beyond Doubt” by Mary Le Beau, to be extremely helpful. I found both sitting out together on a table in a used bookstore at a time when I was grappling with some strange revelations about the spirit world, and both provided confirmation for me.