Musings on Life And Love From a Bonafide Conservative Genius

Motivation

So anyhow, this happened — another strong contender for the darkest day in American history. At least until Comrade Hussein Marx Obama Tse-Tung inevitably socializes all private industry, surrenders our nuclear codes to the Red Chinese, and uses the Constitution to… Read More ›

You know what? I don’t care that dozens of spineless Republican congressmen betrayed their country by voting for the fiscal cliff deal last night. I really don’t. Because regardless of whether taxes went up on people making $250k, $400k, $1M,… Read More ›

“Red hots! GET YOUR RED HOTS!!!“ That was the sound of me in action, bringing all my marketing prowess to bear in the name of selling hot dogs, peanuts, sodas, and beer to the literally unwashed masses. No need to… Read More ›

As I sit here in my dingy bedroom at the Blessed Virgin Mother of Christ Center for Sober Living and Bible Study, celebrating my 51st birthday with a bottle of Thunderbird and a day-old roast beef sandwich that I retrieved… Read More ›

Hi there. Come on in. You’re looking particularly good this evening. So good, in fact, that I have to ask: Have you ever considered a career in amateur porn? Oh come now, don’t look so offended. It’s a legitimate question…. Read More ›

There but for the grace of… well, my own common sense go I. Let’s face it, this unfortunately named young Dutchman isn’t the first wealthy scion to kill a few bimbos. Nor will he be the last. In fact, though… Read More ›

Sweet Jesus, it was a real scene down at the office today. Turns out my secretary, Miss Cashtushy, was having a rough day. Which wouldn’t normally bother me; I’m largely immune to other people’s miseries. Unfortunately, her tears were standing… Read More ›

Continuing a popular new feature introduced last month, I will now take some time out of my busy schedule to personally respond to the cream of April’s fan mail crop. Everyone else who wrote just gets an autographed picture and… Read More ›

My my, what a coincidence. Less than a month ago, Chairman Obama announced plans to finally give We the People what we’ve been demanding since this great country was founded: the right to engage in offshore coastal drilling for that… Read More ›

Why did our society have to suffer through the Women’s Liberation movement of the 1970s? Wasn’t it to liberate women from alleged oppression at the hands of their superiors (i.e., men)? If so, why are so many of them —… Read More ›

On the afternoon of April 15, 2010, conservative pundit Oswald J. Carver III gave the following speech while attending a Tea Party Patriot rally near his hometown of [redacted]. Though Mr. Carver claims he was asked to speak by event organizers,… Read More ›

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Countdown To Freedom

January 20th, 2017

Free at last.

Etc.

Most persons and all events depicted on this blog are fictitious and none of it should be taken seriously. The views and opinions expressed by Oswald J. Carver III are not shared by the author, save for those regarding the attractiveness of big butts on women and general awesomeness of '70s rock music.