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The Diaries of a Troubled Scientist – A short story

“My son will grow to be a man; and love me for it. His future will not be for my hand to feel; I know that it will be great.

His eyes have never met mine; when I rock his cradle gently he never opens to me, but I have imagined them to be like Silvia’s. Though my attempts have been futile, those eyes have seen the light.

The housekeeper coaxed those eyes open on many occasions; she has seen those eyes and she smiles every time I ask her of them.

My pure son, my guilt is incomparable and my love is just the same. Do not hate me when those eyes seek the truth, I was always there to hold you in the dark.

Although science might not be to your liking, I implore you to accept it and continue my work as I am sick, and shall not carry on. Be nimble on your feet and feel the water for what it is.”

Those words have been troubling me ever since I read them first, and I always interrupt my father there. I don’t want to think of what he says later on in his letter. I’ve tried, but I can’t get myself to read further on, and that letter has always stayed on my mantle. In ways, it is something to keep the memory of my father still alive, so that I never forget. The constant nagging will always remind me of my father.

That letter was the main reason why I became a scientist, and curse him for it – father is still dictating my life. The university said that I have a talent, but my dreams are of something else. If I can just get myself to burn that letter, then I can move on.

I walked over to the mantle and snatched the letter, holding it in my hands and feeling the paper crinkle under my touch. The matches have always been beside and I seized the box, striking a flame, but snuffing it out. I would need a new box soon.

The door opened softly, as not to disturb and a woman walked through, my wife. I have sometimes begged my wife to burn the letter while I’m away, but she doesn’t. She is too kind.

“A friend called, he said that he needs those papers by today”

“I’ll try, but I think tomorrow is better.”

She put a parcel on the dining room table and dug through her clothes to find the watch.

“You’ve been up all night, it still amazes me how you can do that to yourself, but I try”

“My research is coming to a point, the discovery is soon – I can feel it coming. Things are going to change – and then we can move out of here, go somewhere up north – somewhere quiet. We can just leave everything and walk to our new home in the countryside. Just me and you”

My sweet wife always smiled at me.

“We’ve never been alone; your father” she said, gesturing to the letter on the mantle “Has always been there too. Maybe today is time.”

“We’ve run out of matches” I say nervously and she looks sadly to her parcel.