Monday, September 27, 2004

Man, that was a pretty good weekend. Let's review.

First off, let it be known that I passed a parenting milestone this weekend. I actually uttered the phrase, "Don't run with scissors!". I thought only cartoon parents did that, but there was my daughter ACTUALLY RUNNING WITH SCISSORS. Today I think I'll say something like "When I was a kid, we didn't have chairs!" or something like that.

Went for the previously-mentioned run on Saturday morning. Most of it was supposed to be done at an easy pace, and I actually followed those instructions for once. Jogging at an easy pace is easy! Who knew? I was running along, saying "hello" to all who crossed my path. I've never been such a friendly runner. I was the freakin' ambassador of the trails.

That afternoon my daughter scored her first goal in soccer! Now, granted I wasn't there to view it, and rumor has it that she actually kicked it into the wrong goal, and it may have been accidental, but STILL! This is progress, my friends. If Mia Hamm and Pele had a daughter.....

Then, on Saturday night, we hosted our monthly poker night. I cleaned up! Aside from one, straight-from-the-bowels-of-hell game called "357", I did very well. Last time my wife and another friend were bragging about how they had finally figured out how to play Texas Hold 'Em. It was most satisfying to whip their tushies. A more humble man would credit the excellent cards that I was dealt all evening.... *sound of crickets*

I also got some nice feedback on my blog on Saturday. Mad props to Rodney and Tamra for stumbling across this blog and commenting nicely. We'll forgive Rodney for his propensity to reward blogs in foreign languages. Please note that this is my first time using the slang "mad props". I'm trying to up my cool quotient. More on that shortly.

On Sunday the wife and I went to the Folsom Street Fair for our Date Night. The Folsom Street Fair is probably the raunchiest of San Francisco's street fairs. It's one of the rare places where you see people pay to sit in a cage, or get flogged. Ok, let me rephrase, it's one of the rare places where I see people pay to sit in a cage, or get flogged. I can't speak for the rest of you. Perhaps you all live in dungeons. Freaks.

Sadly, for me anyway, the ratio of exposed breasts to exposed penises was pretty low. Mostly there were a lot of exposed male butt cheeks. If you love male ass, then this is the fair for you. It's a great place to play "What Just Happened to That Ass?!?!" Common answers to this question at the Folsom Street Fair are:
- Just got whipped (These asses are detectable from their small bloody welts)
- Just sat on wicker (Note the distinctive wicker pattern carefully preserved in the butt flesh)
- Just caused grimaces (These are the pimply asses. No one likes a pimply ass)

The wife and I were dressed totally inappropriately. I had a nerdy button-down shirt on, and the wife was wearing khakis and some scarfy thing. It's hard to believe that I've gotten even LESS cool as I've aged. I started at zero. I guess I'm at like -48 now. Opposite of mad props for me.

Out of all the bizarre things we saw at the fair, only one actually made me raise in my eyebrows in shock. Some guy was wearing a "Got God?" t-shirt. In this place, that was the strangest thing there. He stood out worse than the nerd in the button-down.

The only bad thing that happened this weekend was that the Giants lost 2 of 3 to the hated Dodgers. One week left. 2.5 games out of first in the NL West, and half a game out of the wild card. Cubs, I know you guys are all lovable and crap, but please lose the rest of your games. Love, Mike.