Pour Your Heart Out: The Good-bye Glass

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

This didn't start out as my Pour Your Heart Out for the week- I was just going to post this for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop which is on Thursday- I know, I confuse people with doing things on the wrong days....but after I wrote this, I realized that I'd poured my heart out and that maybe that was enough for this week....maybe I was a little bit spent after thinking about this...so I'm double-dipping.

I don't like to dwell on the past. I'm a happily married woman and mom to three darlings. But, I do believe that the past is a part of making me who I am now. So, it also doesn't make sense to me to pretend like it never happened. Inspired by one of Mama Kat's writing prompts: a story with an ending of "good-bye," I'll give you a little peek into my past: about 10 years ago. Yes, I know that talking about myself in the third person is annoying, but humor me just this once.

She knocked timidly on the door to the place she had called "home" with him until the day that she'd left six weeks before.

He answered quickly and ushered her in with the grin that had melted her heart the night she'd first met him.

She looked around at the flowers and the glowing candles that were her welcome.

"I missed you," he told her.

She tried not to speak, though she did let him hold her.

She was only there to get the rest of her things. She'd known walking in that she didn't really want to leave. She loved him still.

He promised her things could be different. He promised he'd try harder. That he'd make her happy. That she was his world.

Still, she kept quiet, looking into the eyes of the one she thought she'd spend the rest of her life with. She looked down at the ring she still wore on her hand.

The words all sounded right. It was exactly what she wanted to hear.

But, she remembered the hurt he'd caused. She remembered vowing to herself to never let it happen again. She reminded herself that she was worth more than this and that she had a better life waiting for her or at least the promise of a better life. She knew the words were not enough.

She vowed to remain strong, to leave this place.

He realized he wouldn't change her mind, that he couldn't stop her from leaving. "Someday," he told her, "we'll be together. Maybe our timing just isn't right. But, there's no way that we'll never see each other again."

She wanted to cry. Did that mean he still loved her? The way that he'd loved her in the beginning, when he made her feel like the world revolved around the two of them and nothing else mattered? We loved with alove that was more than love, echoed the line from a poem read long ago.

Maybe he just needed time. Time and then they'd be together.

But, if they were going to be together someday, why wait? Why leave? Why not stay?

Her resolve weakened and she opened her mouth to tell him that she didn't want to leave.

But, wait. He hadn't asked her to stay now.

He's only telling her that maybe someday, he'll be ready and they can be together then.

Not now.

That's no way to live. To love someone who can only make some vague promise of someday.

How would it be to stay with someone who didn't want the now, only the hope of something in the future?

And so she gathered the rest of her things. As she emptied her closet, her eyes came to rest on the wedding dress hanging there, still wrapped up.

She could see his reflection in the mirror. Knew he saw what she was looking at.

She left the room without another word and began to take her things to her truck, fighting back tears.

It seemed like there should be more to this scene unfolding before her eyes. That it wasn't possible to end this part of her life so quickly and without much fanfare. Someone should stop this, change this, where was that magical moment that happens in the movies where everything can be made okay again with just the right words?

He held her in his arms inside the doorway of the place that used to be theirs. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of him, trying to remember or to forget or to freeze the moment.

They walked outside and he helped her into the truck. He held her hand and said, "I love you."

She didn't trust herself. She was afraid of what she would say if she spoke. She thought she'd fall apart if she tried to tell him what she was feeling. And she wanted his last memory of her to be that of a strong woman, not an emotional mess.

And so she merely smiled, let go of his hand, and closed her door.

She drove away from him, still fighting back tears.

When she could see the city where they'd lived in her rearview mirror, knowing she'd never go back, she let herself cry and whisper, "Good-bye."

Wow Shell, I was really feeling in the moment. Like the other commenters said you are a really good writer. I felt your pain and what you were feeling at that time. Did you know that I was engaged to another person before I met my hubby? We had been high school sweethearts but i wasn't really in love with him so I finally broke it off and then met hubby a month after. Everything happens for a reason, I believe

Writing this in the third person really worked, I totally agree. This is just wonderful, thank you for sharing this story, despite it being such a sad one. It begs a follow-up piece to tell us what happened in the end.

I don't think this is considered dwelling on the past. You're simply drawing from your experience to write a story.And it was a really good one.I related to it and that's why we write in the first place, isn't it? At least, that's why I read.I'm gonna check out that workshop now...Happy Wednesday Shell!

Don't you wish you could secretly go back in time to that night and tell yourself not to worry because something better was waiting in your future? I remember breaking up with long-time boyfriends and thinking it was the end of the world...but it was all just part of the plan!

Shell, I know this is your life, but I felt like I was reading a scene out of a movie. I could picture it all in my head. This is a beautiful piece of writing. I guess what I always feared was true is true: writers, good writers, must feel pain, heartache, sadness to write.

You obviously did the right thing back then since you are now happily married with wonderful children!

Awwww!!! This is heartbreaking and strong at the same time. That had to have been the hardest thing to do! I'm dying to know what happened to lead to that point and what happened after. Was that the last time?

Shell, I have tears in my eyes. I also had to leave someone who I thought I would marry. It brings back those emotions. I am sorry you had to go through all that, but you are right...you had a great life ahead of you...(as I did). My PYHO will be late today. Off to run some errands and then come back and put it to words.

I echo everyone else. You should write a book! I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but in the end, like you said a lot of the past makes you who you are today. If you didn't learn and grow from these experiences, you wouldn't be as strong as you are. I definitely would love to read the before and after.

Shell that was a beautifully written peek into a very wrenching moment of your life.Thanks for pouring that out... it was very moving. And although that story ended with Goodbye I'm glad to know that you didn't stay sad :)luv fromSimonexx

Wow. Your post and my post could be related. I was rooting for you to say "goodbye" in a way because I've been there and done that and you cannot wait for the change to come if it hasn't come yet. Painful to do but many of the choices we have to make in life aren't easy.

Geez, that was incredible. I want to know more. Have you ever thought of writing a book? What a difficult experience. Sometimes I envy those that married their high school sweethearts. I have an ex that left a void in my life, not to the extent of yours, but it was painful in its own way. I love that you were strong though. I am all about strong women and I would like to think that I am one too. I'm glad things worked out for the best for you!

wow. you wrote this so quietly that it's screaming in silence. it's so powerful. it's the kind of writing that wouldnt tear you at first glance, but would constantly gnaw you on the inside. the type that wouldnt quiet down.