Posts Tagged ‘friends’

I’m going to cut straight to the chase, have you ever been hurt by someone you love? I know the answer already, it’s yes. Every single person on this earth has felt the sting of a broken friendship or wrecked family relationship. It hurts. It slams us to the floor and it does something to our trust factor. We never quite get over it and the stench of it’s ugly smell lingers over us in our other relationships too.

Jesus knew all about betrayal.

I’ve written many times on mean girls and my own experiences with friends who weren’t really friends that hurt or wounded me for no reason. I say that and feel like I should clarify that I AM A HUMAN and I can almost certainly confess to my own hurtful behaviors against others too. I’m no candy striper in the world of relationships. I’ve lashed out, I’ve been a jerk and I’ve most certainly wounded those who love me too.

I’m not proud.

I’d guess that most of us have taken the arrow of a ONE TIME friend and wrestled with the WHAT JUST HAPPENED in our lives only to never get the answer. It’s okay to never know what happened. The best thing we can do is learn (in a healthy way) how to navigate the rotten experiences of relationships and NOT BE SOMEONE ELSE’S TOXIC friend next time.

I’ve been thinking of the different types of friends I’ve had throughout my life. I still have so much to learn and I trust that God will use every lesson to grow me MORE LIKE HIM and less like the people I meet or trust while I’m here on earth. People will let us down.

Maybe you know someone like these friends —>

User friend: the kind who really isn’t into being buds unless you have something she wants. She tends to only show up when she wants something from you. She will use you up (and probably play real nice until she’s finished with you) and do not be surprised when she shows off her WHAT HAVE YOU on social media or in your friend circles while never mentioning you had anything to do with it.

Always competing friend: the kind who will kill herself to one up you. She will tear you down to others and even act as if she really admires you. Don’t fall for it, it’s only a tactic she uses to gain more insider info on you. She can’t be happy cheering you on, it might make her less than important. Beware of her, she is a troubled soul that will stop at nothing to make you look bad.

Lying friend: the kind who has no issue telling untruths about you to anyone who will listen. She is sick, obviously. Her boundary lines are all confused, so she crosses them often and isn’t able to reason in her own mind the pain she’s inflicting by being dishonest about you or others. Remember, your kids see these things in adults. This is a good lesson for teaching your children about being honest.

Mean girl friend: the kind who I’m painting with one broad swoop because she is a force! This person generally plays all the types at some time or another in your relationship. She uses, competes…lies and is usually pretty mean about it. This does not have to be a friend either. It can be a family member.

Here’s what I know…

We are all capable of being bad people. None of us hold the moral high ground on relationships. Thankfully, God knew that. He experienced hurt too. My own relationship pains cannot compare to the night Judas betrayed Jesus. Just in case you needed some perspective (me too). I’ve admitted my own sin nature regarding relationships and I’m challenging myself to be better, to love others selflessly, to give and take with a God-like attitude and to recognize toxic people for what they truly are….broken and lost.

I have a much longer list of loyal friends than of those who are superficial surface ones.

Maybe you recognize them —>

Patient friend: the kind who never gets tired of listening to you (even if she wants you to zip it girl, get over it!) and loves you even when you flub up.

Generous friend: the kind who gives; her heart, time, money…whatever it is that is costly to her. She never adds up what you owe her (not just $$). She gives because she loves you and counts you as an important investment.

Praying friend: the kind who WILL BEAT DOWN heaven’s doors on your behalf. She will pray with you, for you and you better be reciprocating lady! Praying friends are the best you’ll ever have while walking God’s green earth!

Best friend: the kind that doesn’t keep score or hold your foolishness over your head. You can call her in the middle of a crisis and she is ON YOUR DANG TEAM no matter if you’re wrong or not. She will lovingly set you straight if you are though. Best friends are a gift from God and I am a living a life of luxury thanks to my LONG LIST OF BESTIES!!!

Next time you feel jilted by a “friend” remember this… God knows just how it feels to be kicked to the curb. He understands flaky people, he gets it that even those closest to you will turn on you. Don’t take it too personally. Let God sort them out, let him be the final judge and most of all figure out a way to forgive and move forward.

There is always a lesson.

Lord,
Do not let me get away with hurting anyone. Blanket me with despair until I get whatever is wrong in that relationship, right. Keep me on the path of righteousness and when someone hurts me, let me be an example of grace and forgiveness. Even if it hurts beyond what I think I can handle.
Amen

I just realized it’s August 1st and I am in complete denial. Which shouldn’t shock anyone because I love living in that zone. What in the world happened?

Scrolling through social media, I see all your back-to-school photos and I’m a little sad to not be joining in UNTIL August 27th! Wow, Bozeman! School start dates never looked so exciting!

I can quit complaining now, huh?

I have applied to sub at the high school and still have no idea if they will “accept” me. 🙂 I’ve discovered in my lifetime that every school needs subs and high school is a special spot that not many have the courage to take on. Which is so funny to me because I’d rather hunt in front of Dick Cheney than work at an elementary or middle school.

High schooler’s are my jam!

And as God would have it, I’ve already made a bud from Bozeman HS! I found him in a hottub in Sheridan, WY on my way to Bozeman last week. His name is Jack and he’s going to be a junior. See how God is?

Today I’m heading to lunch with a new friend and I am so excited! Pray for me that I don’t bowl her over with all of my….me-ness!

It’s been a while since I’ve had “friends”.

Lord
Let me be a real friend and not a superficial surface friend. Thank you for every opportunity you give me to be your hands and feet. I am so blessed that someone new wants to share life with me.
Amen

I’ve learned some very valuable lessons this last year. Not everyone who’s in your circle is in your corner. People who you think are your friends aren’t always genuinely your friend. Maybe acquaintance is a better label.

I have 2 friends that have reached out to me just this week that are hurting and struggling with job loss. Both friends are deep into their pain right now. I can relate after all this last year has prepared me for job loss battle. While I don’t have much to offer either sweet friend, I do have the ability to love & encourage them.

So, that’s what I’m doing.

Just being there, listening. Letting them pour out words, tears and fears. Times like these do not call for attitudes of “pick yourself up and get over it” messages. Those come. Right now, both friends need gentle love and understanding.

I’ve felt so alone, so many times over this last year. Friends that I thought were my friends have all but disappeared. I can’t say why and I won’t even try to explain their actions. I have even felt that their shun or absence was because of something I’ve done.

People don’t like weakness. Some people, anyway.

I haven’t needed anything big. Just encouragement. Or a listening ear. Maybe even a “how are you guys doing?” here and there. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had friends do that….I’m talking about the ones who I thought were IN MY CORNER!

Look, I’ve learned that God puts people in your life for a reason. Some are to love you, some are to wreck you, some are to wisen you up and some are to teach you how NOT TO BE. I thank God for every one of them.

Those who stand by and watch you burn…stop giving them the matches.

Back to what I’ve learned, God will reveal YOUR PEOPLE. Pay attention. Stop fretting when He removes the ones that don’t belong there.

Let.
Them.
Go.

In spite of losing a few friends….God opened up the door to some real and lasting relationships for me. I’ve never been a superficial surface kind of friend anyway. God knows friendships take work. I’ve experienced some great support from people who never had a reason to get involved in my chaotic life.

Honestly, it’s a reflection of their heart and of course, God’s love for me.

So, to the people who aren’t my people. Thank you. Thank you for the friendship that we’ve shared and for the lesson on true friendship. I’m not dwelling on what could’ve been or even mad that you’re gone. I’m grateful that I have a heart to love others and see them for who they are – just people.

Who are your people?

Do you know?

Lord,

I want to be a good friend to the people you place in my life. Let me be just what they need, even if it’s temporary. Not every relationship is meant to go the long haul. Help me see every friend with your eyes and not my own. Everyone deserves love, a listening ear and the truth. I want to love like that.

I don't know how you like to do things when it's vacation time in your family…but us, we like to procrastinate! We take extra time (to get things ready, ya know) and then we waste it because we are dragging our feet with a bunch of nothing stuff. Like right now. It's Sunday night and all weekend we had lists of things to do in order to be ready to leave TUESDAY NIGHT!!!

We've slept in both Saturday & Sunday. Some people, later than others.

Created a grand amount of chaos in several locations in our house. Tool hunting.

Not washed either dog. One is leaving today (Monday) to visit friends.

Forgot to color my horrible gray roots. This can wait, but ewww!

And of course…we haven't packed a single thing!

The reason we were supposed to get all these duties done before Monday is because we have no time on Monday. It's a day full of busy activities that can't be skipped. It's senior picture day for Miss Gates and senior registration…plus I have classroom work to do before I can leave town. This means, packing will have to get serious late on Monday night and early on Tuesday. Just the way we always do it, rushing & hectic.

I hate traveling all exhausted! 6 hours and 18 minutes to our destination.

I'm really excited to go back to Alabama. We're visiting with our friends from seminary days (the Nelsons) and have lots of fun lake days planned. NO, I WON'T BE TAKING MY IPHONE ON THE BOAT! NOPE NOPE NOPE!! NOT DOING IT! They've been sending us tantalizing photos of all the boat fun they're having each day. I can't wait to just get away and laugh with friends who love us and care about the same things we do.

Friends are the family you choose, right?

Besides not being ready to go yet….I took one for the team too. Hubby is my favorite pedicurist. I hire him out when need be (Ahem, Marilyn) and he tries to keep my scratchy flip-flop heels nice and smooth. A job meant for serious professionals, I'm sure. But he trudges on. Yesterday he was filing away and sliced the skin off of the ball of my foot. Enough that I can't walk on that foot now. It huuuuuurts! The pain even woke me up in the middle of the night shooting up to my knee. That kind of hurt!

So, I'm milking it good. (it really does hurt)

You know…the old, this is going to be okay. I have a few more days left of summer before I have to go back to work. It should be healed in a few weeks, kind of milking it. Hehe!

Since it is vacation week and I am procrastinating (along with all my family)….I'll just gimp along and hope the booboo heals fast!

I'm blessed to have such amazing friends. God knew just the people I'd need in my life to love me and accept me (just the way I am). I remember arriving in a new town with three little kids in tow and wondering if I'd ever find real friends. Little did I know, God had big plans for me. While there, hubby and I would make several lifetime friendships — a gift that I thank God for…everyday!

This weekend we travelled down south to Tennessee to be with our longtime friends & celebrate the marriage of their oldest son, Dustin. He's the first of all of our kids to tie the knot, so we are all a bit sappy sentimental about the whole occasion. He and his beautiful bride, Kandace have been best friends since Kindergarten. It was truly a divine appointment because we believe nothing happens on accident.

When we arrived late on Friday night..this was the scene of Kandace's family dining room. Beautiful fresh flowers everywhere. Outside people were working tirelessly on the beautiful lawn preparing for the big event. The family had a pond dug and a dock built just for the occasion. Everything looked amazing. I loved every sweet little detail.

The next morning (which would be WEDDING DAY) we were left to our own at our friends house while they handled last minute wedding details.

See that container? What would you say is in there? Sugar? Yea, me too. After making coffee and finding no fancy creamer in the fridge, I decided to make it the old fashioned way (milk & sugar GASP!). I took a big sip of my morning nectar only to find it was SALTY!!

Who puts salt in a large container like that? Sick!

Walking down the aisle…This is my friend, Marilyn and her 2 other sons…Cody & Tanner. Her smile is a reflection of how much she loves her boys. I've been blessed to watch her mother her sons. She's fun and they love her so openly!

Kandace looked so beautiful and Dustin was beaming with pride when she crossed that bridge with her father. No one knew…but she forgot her veil inside. Oh well. She was perfect!

The whole night was a big party. Every guest was invited to record a special message for the couple.

The next morning we all slept in because we were dog tired. I loved having some visit time with my friend and some SALT FREE COFFEE!! The biscuits and chocolate gravy were delicious too!

Before the wedding, Gates & Dawn (who we called DawnCody because she and hubby share the name Don/Dawn) flash their pretty fans.

Having fun in the kitchen. Isn't that where all the worlds biggest problems are handled anyway?

We stayed in Florence, Alabama near the river. So before we left..we went down to enjoy some of the waterfall beauty. Can you tell it's 105 degrees there?

The spray of the water felt glorious! Do these people look old enough to have married kids?

Two of our kids were not able to join us…so Gates was thankful for DawnCody in a family of boys. These guys have been like brothers to her since she was a baby! They fuss & tease like family.

Sharing times like these with friends reminds me how much God loves me. Our lives are rich because of the people in it. I want to tuck the memories in my heart and keep them there forever.

I have this friend (or should I say, I thought we were friends). She makes a mean meatball. I’ve even watched her do it, so really I have no excuse as to why I can’t replicate the recipe. Other than….I didn’t watch that closely. She could’ve put anything in the bowl when I wasn’t looking. And let’s be honest here, I didn’t feel the need to watch her every move. Hello? We’re friends.

Now, I suffer for it.

Because said friend has this death clinch on her meatball recipe. I sent her an email asking nicely for a little direction. No response (I forgive her for being “too busy”) then I resorted to using one of my kids as a messenger. What I heard back…..disturbs me even now.

“She’s praying about it!”.

Whaaaaa?

Oh girl! It’s on like a donkey kong now! 😉

Nobody puts baby in the corner over a meatball recipe! I think someone’s forgotten who the photog was of a certain preggo picture way back in seminary days. Hint: M E !!! I don’t want to have to resort to blackmail. So, I’ll just throw this out there…

Hand over the rockin meatball recipe or else I’ll be forced to search through my many pictures of the old days and post them loud and clear here on MY BLOG!!

Don’t make me get crazy!

P.S.
Do I need to bring up WHITE TRASH CHICKEN? I have no ability to stop myself from guilting you into sharing. So just have mercy…

Look how things went all because you HAD TO PRAY about it.

The leftovers

I would rank them in the mediocre category. Anyone could’ve whipped them up. While I’ll never be the meatball expert you are…..no one turned them away and I even had a few leftover. Someday, when I grow up–I hope to make some as yummy as yours.