As soon as I started college I discovered the difficulties of being a woman in science. I began my journey as 1 or 7 women in my Electrical Engineering major at NC State. To many classmates, I was not a fellow student, but a future wife. I was often interviewed for such a position. Did I know how to sew? to cook? Did I want children? Did I know how to take care of them? Any friendliness was often mistaken for romance and my suitors were persistent. It didn't help that some of my other female classmates used the attention for homework help; it was tiring and the material was difficult enough.

When I left the program and NC State and came to Radford I was much more shielded from the differences. Radford University is more cognizant of the differences and I entered into the more female dominated fields of nursing and biology (in undergraduate at least). Now, as I am approaching graduation and life decisions, I am running into some of those difficulties again.

Do I follow my partner to where ever he goes post-graduation? Do I wait on him so to get a graduate degree before me? It's much more socially acceptable for me to wait for him than him I. How can I have children if I want to go to graduate school for research? How can I have a child and a new career after graduate school? Maternity leave is typically something negative in the job world. Will I have to work part time after having a child? When speaking to my male classmates, this isn't something on their minds; it isn't something they worry about when choosing a PhD program like I do. Should I wish my partner had lessor ambitions? Or a different career choice in mind?

After all that, I have inequality in the workforce to look forward to. Already I've experienced commentation on being a "pretty" woman scientist. I would love to see a man get called "pretty" when first meeting someone in their field. I want to pretend that being it's all the same and doesn't make a difference. I have no desire to be a woman scientist, but an awesome scientist. I used to think it didn't matter because it shouldn't matter, but that's not the same thing.

More C.E.O.'s in American named John and David than Women

Despite all the challenges, I love Science and I won't let anything "dumb" get in the way of it. It is my personal goal to provide guidance and support to women in STEM fields so they have a better idea of what to expect, recognize, and react to these difficulties.

How to approach the potential difficulties

A large part of avoiding the discrepancies women in the workplace face is by being aware of the differences. Being aware of the potential pay gap and ways to minimize that gap. At the women in science panel a common piece of advice was to set up a support network and mentor network of other women in science. By building this network, you not only have an enormous source of advice, but a support team in case you need it.

"So distribution should undo excess, and each man have enough." - King Lear - William Shakespeare

What can a single person do?

I spoke recently with Dr. Anthony Cortese, a Woodrow Wilson Visiting Fellow over a dinner with a few Radford University students about the our duty as scientists to act as leaders for the community and the challenges associated with it. It seems one of the biggest difficulties is getting the media's attention. We've all seen the news commercials dramatically announcing the next weight loss fad or the newest cancer causing thing. It was for this very reason that BPA became rampant through the media: an estrogen mimic that feeds cancer!

The great thing about the power of the media though, is that it worked! Consumers started calling for BPA free water bottles and the suppliers responded! Unbeknownst to most though, the BPA was mostly replaced with BPS which some consider to be worse than BPA. So the trick then, is to keep the public informed on what chemicals they're being exposed to and what they can do to avoid it. I find it unfortunate that such regulation is left to the consumer.

As in individual, it is our job to share our knowledge of EDCs with others through social media and popular press. Ideally, such regulation would take place on a governmental level and regulated by associations such as the FDA. Also, EDC research would be shouldered by the companies that use then, not the government nor the consumer who may be suffering the effects.

"The road to freedom must be uphill, even if it is arduous and frustrating."-Andrew Goodman

It finds us all....

What are Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals (EDCs)?Today, we live in a world where living “chemical free” is unavoidable. There are extra chemicals in our clothes and furniture to be flame retardant, in our plastics to make them last longer, in our food to make them look a different color, and in our water simply because they weren’t filtered out. This chemical-filled environment isn’t a place of waste that is quarantined with high fences and reactive barrels buried deep in the ground, this chemical-filled environment is what we are living amongst...we are literally bathing in it. These chemicals in our environment are sometimes in the form of endocrine disrupting chemicals (EDCs), which are environmental pollutants that interfere with a person’s natural endocrine-system function. These chemicals can cause side-effects at a range of doses, and sometimes have the worst effects at very minute doses.The endocrine-system produces hormones responsible for controlling everything from sleep patterns, metabolism and growth, mood, to the reproductive cycle. EDCs are chemicals that mimic the actions of the endocrine-system using lab synthesized, similarly structured hormone “look-a-likes”, that act like your bodies natural hormones, but often with adverse effects. For instance, Bisphenol-A (BPA) is a synthesized estrogen mimic developed as a possible birth control, but when found it wasn’t suitable for birth-control, companies began using it as plasticizer to strengthen plastic bottles. Imagine that every time you eat out of a plastic bowl you ingest a low dose of estrogen. That is what living with EDCs means for us.

Who is exposed?Because EDCs are present in canned foods, low-income families are at a high risk for exposure as canned foods are cheap, have a long shelf life, and are often given out by food banks. Low-income families are also more likely to consume pre-made meals for the same reasons, and those pre-prepared meals are typically full of EDCs from plastic and the preservatives in the food.

Women are another group that is high risk for exposure. Cosmetics including make-up and lotions often contain BPA and other plasticizers, and we rub them into our skin for use.

Another surprising source of exposure is from smell. That new car smell we love so much? It's and endocrine disruptor! Not so nice anymore. That "new furniture" smell? Also an EDC. The fresh food we consume is possibly sprayed with a pesticide that may act as an EDC, non-organic beef too.

See this chart for common EDCs, their mode of exposure and their risk:

EDCs and PolicyIn the past, the US government has made several attempts to protect us from these chemicals in our environment, most recently the Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA) in 1976. Restricting only five chemicals in the past 38 years, the TSCA has shown no improvement in protecting public-health or the environment and should be updated. All the TSCA restrictions are on known carcinogens, with none of them being EDCs. In the meantime, we have been exposed to over 80,000 new synthetic chemicals, mostly unregulated and lacking appropriate testing. With the EPA being charged to protect the public from “unreasonable risk of injury to the environment”, it is discomforting to know that EDCs have not been well regulated, thus highlighting issue of what makes for effective policy.

In the UK, EDCs are now being classified as a family of toxins. This new designation could alter just how much EDCs are being used and disposed up. Often, toxins are associated with immediate painful or life threatening effects, which EDCs doesn't technically fall under. However, what if I told you we were taking in a chemical that, over time could eventually cause our race to be unable to reproduce? That is exactly what is happening to some of our wildlife.

EDCs and MoneyIt is ironic that low-income families are some of the most susceptible to EDC exposure, yet it is estimated that the effects of EDCs will cost billions in health care costs. The potential neurological and physiological effects of our long-term hormone treatments has medical repercussions, and they're expensive.

By cutting costs and using these EDCs in plasticizers and preservatives now, we will be paying for it later.

"The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end,there it is."-Winston Churchhill

As I touched on in my very first post, I didn't immediately come into undergraduate research. I began as a bright eyed freshman at NC State working towards my Electrical Engineering degree. As 1 of only 7 women in the major, I had little idea of some of the challenges I would be facing and was little prepared. I struggled through the program and faced hurdles I didn't know would be there and still were unaware of as I dragged them through my first 3 semesters. I just knew something was wrong, and I was failing to entirely get away from it.

Fortunately, NC State has recognized these issues that women in STEM face and had a Women In Science and Engineering (WISE) program on campus I was part of. They advocated for me much more than a realized at the time, defending me when my own female academic adviser refused to help. At the time I didn't realize I was being treated differently from my male classmates. It was afterwards, right before I left NC State that we talked about different professors and it came up just how negligent my adviser had been to me, and not them, my male classmates. I blamed myself entirely for my "failure". I lost my confidence as a student. Never before had I tried to tackle a subject and come up entirely empty handed.

Of course I do accept responsibility for my not succeeding. Yes, I could've studied more. Yes, I could've hired a tutor. Yes, I could've done a lot of things to succeed. I believe if I had recognized the situation I was in sooner, and been given the tools to tackle it, I would've done better. I would've taken the advice given to me from women who'd already done it. I would've better utilized the WISE program.

My WISE group freshman year. Summer 2010. I'm on the front row, farthest on the right.

Before leaving NC State, I was unsure of what path to take next, so I did some volunteer work in the Raleigh area. I volunteered at a hospital and a homeless shelter to see what captivated me the most. At the hospital I cleaned and stocked rooms in the emergency room, and I enjoyed it. My mom worked at a hospital growing up, so I am comfortable with the environment. Everyone buzzes around so confidently. At the homeless shelter I taught women and their children how to knit. I had collected donated knitting supplies for them to keep and taught them how to knit warm caps and hats. I knitted clothes for their babies, but when I would return the next week with a complete item, the mothers would be gone. They'd been asked to leave when they couldn't follow the shelter rules. It really took from me emotionally and I knew it was not a profession I could handle.

Me studying A&P in the library Spring 2013

So, feeling a tad deflated (which is good for your ego sometimes), I headed to Radford University for a super new start: new school, new major, new city, new GPA. I began as a nursing major and it was great. I loved the content, the coursework, the returning confidence as a student. My first semester applying to the nursing program I was not accepted, but I still had a great GPA at RU so I decided to spend my off semester trying out Biology and as suggested by my anatomy and physiology professor, undergraduate research.

I can still remember the moment when Dr. O'Brien mentioned research to me, somewhat dramatized now with dim lights and her face glowing with the reflection of her computer screen. I said "Yes, I am interested in research"... I'm sure she knew I had no idea what research meant. I was just blowing off time. Maybe even to help me get into nursing school the next semester. I kept nodding as she talked as if I had an idea what she was saying Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals...BPA. I don't even think we'd covered the endocrine system in A&P yet. She told me to come to the Ecophysiology meetings to "get my feet wet". Whatever that meant. Read more about my first Ecophysiology meeting here.

So I went to the meetings to pass the time until nursing school. I didn't really think I'd like it. I knew that being a nurse was what I wanted to do (for the record, no 19 year old should be allowed to say that). But I went to the meeting, and my mind was opened up to this entire world. I never knew science could be like that. Research is such a foreboding and separating word. Few actually know what it means (including my own parents at first). Despite being so interested, I wasn't really sure if I could do it, but I pushed through that. I started going to lab meetings.

In the next fall, when I got my acceptance letter into nursing school, a single slot in 46, I confidently declined. There was no way I could go back to nursing when I'd experienced the excitement and exploration of science. My mind wouldn't have tolerated it. So, I decided I would do research, and it would help me get into medical school. I was going to be a doctor.

Into the next year and summer I continued with research, I took the MCAT twice, I filled out my common applications, I sent my transcripts and scores in. The more I did research though, the more I felt this itch in the back of my head. "How could I give this up?" In a way, becoming a doctor felt constricting and linear. If I became an MD, all I could be was an MD. With research there were so many possibilities. I realized with research, I had the opportunity to choose the career I wanted from a long list of options. I spoke with others about it. Professors who had worked in the industry and academia and those who had also considered medical school. General, they'd had the same thinking as I. So I decided to go for graduate school instead, read about it here.

"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive"-Robert Louis Stevenson

Journey of Critical Analysis

As students we often discuss what is means to "use your major", and whether what we're learning will actually be relevant later in life. I think I would feel fairly comfortable saying that there are pieces of all the classes I've taken that I still carry with me today. However, I don't think the bits of content and fun facts will be the parts that I remember. Instead, it will be the way of thinking that my professors have strived to instill: Critical thinking.

Like many other students, I came to college not knowing how to study, or the importance/meaning of critical thinking. I just glided through high school with somewhat minimal effort, and the extra effort I did put in was for memorization or creative efforts (like building a barn out of Popsicle sticks). Occasionally there was true problem solving.

So it wasn't until my sophomore year at NC State in a 350 seat intro Biology course that I had a professor that taught me how to study. It still wasn't much critical thinking, but she got me to the point were I would spend time going over the material on my own. It wasn't until my first semester at Radford in my Chemistry course in which I would spend time out of class pouring over the book. I've always struggled with memorization, but I found that if I understood the concepts behind some of the topics, they were easier to remember for tests. And my grades got better! Like magic.

I still wasn't a critical thinker, but I was on my way. The first step was realizing the difference between understanding and memorizing. After Chemistry, I got a lot more practice in Anatomy and Physiology; it always helps if the information is super interesting!

My critical thinking skills really became refined once beginning research. As described here, I initially read through the literature to gain background knowledge, and from that was constantly challenged to ask questions. That was when I realized I truly didn't know how. I was interested in the content, but when others said "Any questions?" my mind was blank. In Ecophysiology Lab meetings other students would ask questions and I still remember my eyes bugging out of my head as I thought "I never would've thought of that". As my critical thinking abilities grow I am also training myself to consider what is said. Plain acceptance of what professors tell you isn't being a critical thinker. It can take effort to be an active listener or reader.

Learning is more fun when you go for it, and not just let it happen to you. Critical Thinking is something I will take with me. It's how I'll use my major. AND: I will never stop developing and growing as a critical thinker.

Taking Critical Thinking Elsewhere

Leaving Radford with this valuable skill will make me a better researcher and a better citizen. I now look at things were hear in our day to day and seek evidence or further understanding. I not only take everything with a grain of salt, but seek conceptual background and information. How the idea of "Knowing" is subjective. It seems it should always be accompanied by "Knowing-as of right now". It is my goal to not my limited by my own thinking, but broadened.

Critical thinking is also a guide to the beginnings of self-realization, and the expansion of thinking beyond the self. As a scientist, this means acting and expanding my scientific thoughts, concerns, and interests beyond myself and to the community. I think it is not only the education of the community about topics such as Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals that is important, but that conscious decision to thinking critical about what they hear in the radio or read on the paper.

With much of my outreach, I have sought to guide the audience to the concepts instead of just telling them. I think it makes the conversation more relatable and memorable. That way, they can turn around and hopefully share it with the next person!

"Cogito ergo sum."-René Descartes

As I touched on in my very first post, coming into research has been a unique journey. I first attended the Ecophysiology Lab meetings because I had an extra semester before I would start Nursing School at RU and had heard from my now mentor, Dr. Sara O'Brien that it was a positive way to spend some extra time. She encouraged me to attend the lab meetings to "get my feet wet". So I went.

Dr. O'Brien had tried to prepare me. She sent me what was my first scientific paper ever and she told me it might be difficult and hard to read (my ego said "sure it will"). I remember her talking about this thing called BPA that I'd heard of but never understood. She used a lot of words that sounded made up at the time like Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals that affected the magical endocrine system. Despite the New Words buzzing in my head just under the scalp not quite finding their way in I left her office with this Magical Paper in my hands.

I probably spent hours trying to decode that thing. I might still have it somewhere, covered in blue and purple pen ink with side definitions and pink highlighted sections that I would probably smile at now. I had a general idea of what was going on...I remember I got stuck on the part where they sacrificed the mice through decapitation (because I read all the methodology).

So I went to the Ecophysiology meeting with my marked-up paper and tried to make friends with some well seasoned researchers...ALL upperclassmen who'd done things like "presented at conferences" and "done research"...whatever that meant. I nervously introduced myself and heard about everyone's research. At the time it all went over my head. And then, the paper discussion began...

It was amazing that I didn't get up and run out of the room; I'm sure I eyed the door a few times. As a began to further comprehend the paper (turns out I didn't get it at all), I was horrified. BPA does WHAT to baby mouse brains? Yes, I remember the details because it was so traumatic ;),

I thought, "I can't do this. I am not smart enough for this. I will never be like them. I'll never be able to comprehend this enough to discuss this," and as my eyes bugged out of my head I listened. It was also interesting. It was more interesting than anything I'd heard in my life and I needed to take part. I tried to soak up as much knowledge I could so that I might be a Madagascar hissing cockroach in the room. I was an imposter but I would stay until they found me out.

"I tried to soak up as much knowledge I could so that I might be a Madagascar hissing cockroach in the room. I was an imposter but I would stay until they found me out."

I kept going to meetings and working hard to try and catch up. It was one of the few times in my life I'd felt behind. I impostered my way from Spring to Fall semester. I did my own literature and web searches. In October of that Fall I presented my first paper. It was a wonderful sense of freedom getting to choose my own paper on ANYTHING. I spent hours literature jumping to find something that I wanted to discuss with my lab mates, paper to paper. I still felt like I was faking it. Despite knowing significantly more about the topics and occasionally participating in paper discussions, I was often scared of sounding stupid.

Whether I realized it or not I continued to grow, to gain more knowledge about endocrinology, stress, reproduction, and even about my own biases in my thinking. I learned about social constructs and my own biases that influenced and hindered my critical thinking. That entire semester while I thought I was "tricking" them into having me, they were "tricking" me into learning. Joke was on me.

"That entire semester while I thought I was 'tricking' them into having me, they were 'tricking' me into learning"

The true test came when Dr. O'Brien pushed me into writing a grant proposal for the Biology Research Award to fund my "research". I still didn't believe it even then. It was December 4th, 2013. I texted her from work 2 HOURS before the proposal was due and said "I don't think I can do it". To me, the unsaid part was "I'll just go to Nursing School. It's safer." Dr. O'Brien called me and she talked me through it; she made it sound attainable. So I got off the phone and quickly typed up the proposal at work (it only had to be a page) and I submitted it two minutes before it was due.

After writing that proposal, I realized I had all the critical thinking skills needed to do this. The only thing standing in my way was ME. At that point I flipped the switched and really thought "I can do this, I am smart enough to do this." It just took practice, interest, and a willingness to learn.

Critical thinking just took practice. It took listening, learning, and asking questions to gain critical thinking, but it too work to get my confidence. I pretended until I realized that I can do it and it was a tad overdue.

Where I'd like to end up

My short term goals are to find a graduate school that I feel is a good fit for me. I'd like to go to a PhD program in something related to Ecotoxicology or Exposure Science. I think a lot of work and research has gone into measuring pollutants, but not always into measuring their specific effects or in combination with other pollutants. I'd like to find the synergistic and accumulative effects on physical features and behaviors of wildlife being affected by them. Most recently my interests have been with fish, because as aquatic species, they are unable to escape pollutants that reach their waters. Therefore, I think fish will be one of the first species to display abnormalities resulting from pollutants like endocrine disrupting chemicals. Post graduation, I'd like to continue determining the "safe" levels of exposure of various chemicals used today (or even better, before use). That could mean working for the EPA or USDA, or just doing research at a university. As a researcher, I will be an advocate for safe chemical practices in terms of use, disposal, and cleanup. I believe the policies for chemical use should be changed to prevent oversight.

"Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today."-Malcolm X

Grant Writing Experience

Learning to write grants has been a great skill to learn and I've really enjoyed the process. I was very lucky to have my mentor, Dr. Sara O'Brien push me to apply for grants in the first place, and provide an immense amount of guidance along the way. For my research project on trenbolone, I applied for, and received three grants. Here's a description of each one, and what I learned:

The Biology Research Award - $1,000

The Biology Research Award was my first grant proposal ever. It was provided by the Radford University Biology Department, voted on by Biology faculty. It was my confidence booster grant. It was a short and sweet proposal, and writing it really drove the message home for me that my work was worth funding, that I was worth funding. I received it just before applying for the next two grants and it gave me the confidence and motivation to do so. It was my first taste into what science could be like, and it was my first step towards doing research.

The Summer Undergraduate Research Fellowship - $2,500

The Summer Undergraduate Research Fellowship (SURF) I received was 1 of 15 provided by the Office of Undergraduate Research and Scholarship (OURS), chosen by an interdisciplinary panel. I really enjoyed writing this grant. I learned how to best present information in an understandable and organized format. I practiced at how to write an introduction and explain my methodology in a clear and concise manner. Most importantly, I learned how to address the solicitation and answer what they were asking for. It is easy to stray or linger too long on an irrelevant detail, and the SURF grant really helped me stay on point. The director of the OURS office, Dr. Joseph Wirgau shared with me some tips for grant writing:

Get to the point quick: what are you looking at and why?

Fit the solicitation, follow the "rules", and be professional

Get to the point quick: what are you looking at and why?

Know your audience and make sure it is understandable to someone not an expert in your field

Highlander in Action Grant- $2,000

The Highlander in Action Grant (HIA) was provided by the Scholar-Citizen Initiative (SCI) here at RU. Applying for the HIA grant was a HUGE learning experience. The HIA grant is targeted towards students participating in civil/community projects with the goal of bettering society, and is highly competitive with only five awardees ever year. Compared to the SURF grant, this proposal was much less scientific and was aimed at a very different audience. It took a lot of practice to learn how to calibrate and I'm glad I had the opportunity to apply for such a different grant. Writing the HIA grant was also really good practice with reaching a lay audience, and helped me begin developing a skill imperative for all scientists: Sharing your knowledge with everyone. It is so important to be able to share the importance of research, why it merits funding, and what are the impacts of this research. I am continuing to use these skills today with scientific outreach, and will continue to use them for the rest of my life.

Writing Grant Proposals is a skill I will continue to develop for the rest of my life. I look forward to the new experiences and challenges. Most recently, I took on the National Science Foundation - Graduate Research Fellowship Program (GRFP). It was a huge project, my biggest yet. Read about my GRFP proposal experience here.

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."- Dr. Seuss

Trouble with trenbolone?

I first began attending the Ecophysiology paper discussions my first semester as a Biology major, and I was very interested in the material, most specifically endocrine disrupting chemicals (EDCs). One in particular caught my interest, trenbolone, a synthetic androgen given to beef cattle to "beef" them up. Unfortunately, it has been found that trenbolone has been leaking into the environment possibly affecting freshwater environments. After reading the literature on trenbolone, I found there to be some gaps in the knowledge about trenbolone, and I designed my own experiment to fill them. To fund this experiment I applied for, and received three grants; read about them ﻿here﻿ or by clicking "Grant Proposals" underneath categories to the right.After receiving funding, through the end of the Spring 2014 semester and through summer, I set up a fish lab here at RU. In setting up, I was surprised at how much work it actually took. There's a lot of factors to consider, decisions to make, rules to follow (IACUC procedures), and many, many things that could go wrong. It was very exciting, but I had no idea exactly how long it would take to get going. Through literature values and sampling I have dosed Gambusia holbrooki, the eastern mosquitofish to elucidate the physical and behavior effects of trenbolone. I will also look at the effects on the dosed fishes' offspring. I am currently still in the dosing stage, but will soon begin behavioral trials using Noldus Ethovision software.This January, my abstract has been accepted for a poster presentation at the 2015 Society of Integrative and Comparative Biology Conference in West Palm, Florida.

Many Thanks.....

I want to thank the RU Biology department, the Scholar-Citizen Initiative, the RU Biology Department, and my mentor Dr. Sara O'Brien. Without all their support this experiment would not have been possible.

Biology Department

"Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success."- Henry Ford