LONDON - England - Comrade Brown addressed senior Labour Stasi and Politburo officials today in the Westminster Duma. The subject of the address by our unelected commander in chief was how easy it was for the Soviet Labour party to destroy all freedoms in the United Soviet Kingdom.

"Taking away your freedom is an integral part of my job as supreme leader. Thank you for bending over. How about paying more tax for the pleasure as well?" a jubilant Comrade Brown laughs at the proles during a speech.

Speaking from the Westminster Duma, Comrade Brown, supreme unelected leader of the New Age of Change, emphatically denied that there would ever be a return to the days of freedom in the Soviet UK.

It is for your own good

“Comrades, Bolshevik heroes, proles and our beloved Stasi officials. We are gathered here today to hear about my wonderful plans for our Soviet future. To look into the future my dearest Soviet comrades we must first look into our murky past. Since Soviet NuLabour’s Bolshevik revolution in 1997 we have eroded the common peoples freedoms to such an extent that we have passed over 60 new laws inhibiting proletariat freedom in a series of over 26 acts passed in the Westminster Duma.

(applause from the assembled crowds and shouts of “Hail, comrade Brown! Hail, the supreme unelected leader!”)

“Comrades, comrades I commend you on your Soviet fervour however we still have a huge task ahead of us. We must continue to erode the freedom from the people using the precept of ‘terrorism’ as a tool to wave our stick of power. It is for their own good that we have increased surveillance to such a level never before seen. My clunking fist has brought us thus far but the future may be thwarted if the capitalist traitors and their lackeys who have previously tried to ruin our nation with vile concepts like ‘freedom’ and ‘democracy’ somehow try to regain power. I laugh at them as they are ferried to an eco-gulag somewhere in sector 101 to spend the next 42 years breaking rocks. I spit on the capitalist pigs and their ‘boom and bust’ economics as I embark on a £2 trillion debt mountain for every successive generation of Britons to enjoy for the next 300 years. I have singlehandedly sovietized the banking institutions, increased surveillance on all the proles and increased stealth taxes to such a level that many will be working for 11 months of the year before they make any profit for themselves.

(Standing ovations from the galleries and shouts of ‘Hurrah to the Brown Saviour of the New Era’)

“Comrades, oil prices have dropped around the world to their lowest point in 10 years, and yet you see the prices going up in the pumps. Yes, you have guessed correctly comrades, for every pound spent on the fuel pumps you are helping the Soviet Labour government to the tune of 81 pence soviet tax. I thank the proles and workers for doing their soviet duty and bending over while we, your masters, f*ck you up the arse repeatedly. I am very appreciative of the British sensibility of taking everything we throw at you without question. It is an honour to swindle you comrades daily.”

(The assembled crowds within the Duma throw their Soviet hats in the air and shout in unison ‘All Hail comrade Brown! Saviour of the British Soviet people’)

After comrade Brown’s momentous speech, there were mass hangings in Red Trafalgar Square where numerous traitors to the party were led out and hanged. Harriet Harman, a vile traitor to the party was one of the better known party members who was hanged for betraying Comrade Brown. She was led out to the hanging platform and her head shaved, unceremoniously hanged then dumped in a brown sack and thrown on a dustcart.

Further News

Comrades, it has come to our attention that some proles in sector’s 23-34 may have acquired more sugar rations than they were permitted last month. We must reiterate, the ration as stipulated by the central Whitehall Stasi Office dictates implicitly that there should only be three sugarcubes per month per household. For this breach of ration regulation, those sectors named will be forfeited of all sugar rations for the next six months.

Comrade Brown would also like to extend a soviet bravery award to comrade Jade Goody the ‘Peoples Princess’ who has an incurable form of capitalism. Thankfully, she has finally seen the light and will instead donate her ill-gotten tabloid sensationalist gains to an appropriate Soviet charity.

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