Superstorm Sandy is what did it. If it hadn’t been for Superstorm Sandy coming in at the last moment, Romney would have won.

Chris Christie did it. The way he sucked up to Obama was a complete betrayal. Some Republican he was. Republicans, just a few, maybe, thought if Christie thinks he’s so nice, maybe he is. That was it.

Mitt Romney did it. For all sorts of reasons. He should have phoned Chris Christie when Superstorm Sandy hit. He didn’t. He beat Obama in the first debate. Then he couldn’t beat him in the second or third? What? He forgot? He was so stiff. Even when he was animated, he looked stiff. And he looked sweaty; even at that first debate he won, he looked sweaty.

Also, Mitt Romney is just too nice a guy. Everybody knows where nice guys finish. You can’t be a kick ’em in the butt, this is the way it’s going to be President if you’re such a nice guy.

And he didn’t come on like the real friend he is to the Hispanics and African-Americans. They could see he was trying. But he just wasn’t acting the part good enough. He’s no actor, Mitt.

Another thing about Mitt Romney was he was all over the place with the issues. He should have stuck to just the one—Obama has tried for four years and didn’t get us anywhere, so now try me. But he kept talking about other things. Medicare. Obamacare. Foreign policy. Immigration. Education. Business. What does he know about business?

It was the weather. In most parts of the country the weather was good on Election Day. That means people who have difficulty getting around, no offense intended, turn out. That means the Democrats have an edge.

It was the sneaky Obama campaign workers in Ohio. Who knew they had stayed there the whole four years since 2008 just waiting to do it again. I mean, REALLY.

It was the money, really. Obama gave it away. He bought these people, spending this money on Medicare for them, on food stamps, on clinics, on all sorts of giveaways, especially for the Hispanics. He BOUGHT the Hispanics. You think they didn’t notice? Didn’t he buy people clothing? I think he did.

It was religion. If Romney had been a Presbyterian, he would have won. Even if it was just a few more votes, it would have done it.

Is it true Mormons wear special religious underwear?

It was Netenyahu. He kept calling and calling Romney. Hadn’t Romney gone to school with Netenyahu or something? He wasn’t President yet. This looked to people like he had Romney in his pocket. Well, maybe not everybody, but some, enough.

It was the auto industry. What the hell was the matter with those people in Ohio? Didn’t they know Obama bankrupted Chrysler? We kept telling them. They just didn’t want to hear it.

It was the cuteness factor. Obama is just cute, even with the big ears and the stupid way he juts out his jaw like Roosevelt when he speaks. Romney was, well, he’s movie star handsome, there’s no doubt about it, but sometimes that’s a minus.

Romney, Romney, Romney.

It was his father’s fault. If his father, George Romney, had not been a governor who failed to be nominated for president, Romney would never have made this run. We would have had a stronger candidate. Santorum, didn’t he make that final lunge for the nomination at the last minute?

It was the unemployment numbers’ fault. Wasn’t it just so convenient that, just four weeks before the election, the numbers all came down? And then, at the end, how they delayed the truth about Benghazi?

It was Florida. If Florida had come in on time, and for us, even by just a little bit, we would have had Ohio. And then Nevada.

It was Mayor Bloomberg’s fault. Right there, three days before Election Day, he endorses Obama because he thinks his heart is in the right place. How could he do that? That’s what did it.

And where was Donald Trump with all this when we needed him? People may not agree with Donald Trump, but they LISTEN when he talks.

It was Paul Ryan who did it. Romney never should have nominated Ryan for vice president. He should have stayed away from the Tea Party, even though they have it exactly right.

Mathematics did it. All through the evening, Romney was ahead. Then suddenly, Obama starts gaining on him and passing him? Are you kidding me?

It was that dog on the roof thing. It just hung in there, in the background, that story. It tipped things at the end.

I feel sorry for Romney, don’t you? He tried so hard. He had that five-point plan. Not too many points, not too few. Just enough. And then all these things came along not in his favor and just pushed him over the fiscal cliff, just like that.