Meet the Spartans

Meet the Spartans is a 2008 comedy film, spoofing 300, to be precise, wherein inept King Leonidas takes his hilariously inefficient army of 13 Spartans against the "feared" god-king Xerxes and improper CGI.

My lord, he will tell Xerxes that Sparta is not for them, so whatever you do, don't be throwing him into the Pit of Death. (Leonidas does the exact opposite) Stop throwing people into the Pit of Death! Really!

Narrator: In the land of Sparta, when babies were born, the elders would inspect them for defects. If any imperfections were found, the baby was rejected, and if the baby was Vietnamese, Brangelina would get first dibs.

Rambo: Have you seen the new Rambo movie?

Paris Hilton: Have you seen a shower?

Messenger: [Leonidas has kissed the Persian's messenger on the mouth] What the hell was was that?!

Leonidas What?

Messenger You kissed me!

Leonidas: That is how men greet each other in Sparta: high-fives for the women and open-mouthed tongue kisses for the men.

Leonidas: [picks up subway sandwich] No mayo? This is bullshit!

Leonidas: I had always wanted to do a fat chick.

Leonidas: The Oracle also said that our painted-on abs look fake! But I beg to differ! [cut to Dilio, where he is seen with a paint artist painting abdominal muscles on his heavyset belly. Dilio starts to laugh.]

Paris Hilton: [talking on the phone] Hello? Oh, hey Nicole. Nothing, just some guys with swords... not their actual swords. Ugh, you're gross. Yeah, I'm hungry. Did you eat? Oh, you ate an almond? Yeah, you are done eating for the day. Okay, then let's go to Pinkberry. Bye, sexy.