Way I see it, if a person introduces themselves and tells me there name. They intend for me to use it. I also think that it's appropriate to tell them mine and thereby invite them to do the same. I will also introduce my wife in such a situation. I see no reason that the same sort of personal etiquette should not apply in a restaurant situation.

On the other hand, I refer to anyone I don't know by name as "Sir" or "Ma'am" until I am told their name. This applies to servers who do not introduce themselves as well as pretty much anyone I come into contact with in a commercial setting. Respect should always be reciprocated.

I can't STAND being called ma'am. That is just the worst; it runs right up my back and makes me feel 300 years old. Especially when customer service people on the phone use it two or three times per sentence.

I don't like to be addressed as anything by a server. I see no reason for any form of address. Just talk to me!

+100 on hating ma'am- I'm 21, why are you calling me ma'am??? I'm also not a fan of Ms. even though I understand that it exists so that people don't have to make assumptions about one's marriage status. The words just sound ugly to me. I like Miss right now but I suppose I'll have to get used to the others when I get older/married.

Well, among little boys, it was DRILLED into us to call any unfamiliar woman "ma'am," as a term of respect. This was intended by both my parents to be a lifelong habit--and it stuck. It wasn't until I was watching "The West Wing" a few years ago, and one of the characters quipped about being "ma'amed" that I discovered that some--maybe most--women do not like to be "ma'amed." So what should I call a 73 year old woman--"Miss"? The poor waiter just wants to be repectful.

"Sir" and Ma'am" are how an adult customer - or indeed any adult stranger - is correctly addressed. Them's the rules. I'm 71 years old and I address women in their twenties as Ma'am. That's how I was brought up, and fat chance I'll change it now.

Perhaps the best part of good manners is respecting those of others, instead of taking offense at anything unfamiliar or anything you personally would not do. Manners are supposed to be a lubricant, not an irritant, and it's dreadful manners to choose to be offended when they're employed. Lighten up.

I was waiting for someone to pop up with a "lighten up" response. Thanks for not disappointing. Your saying "lighten up" isn't going to change the way it strikes me. It's the tone that frequently comes with it that grates, and if you aren't female you likely haven't heard it used with that tone. It isn't at all unfamiliar to me. I grew up with it and say it myself when I'm in my hometown where it's accepted and when speaking to someone significantly older and/or someone for whom there is some context for respect. A server in a restaurant or a customer service rep on the phone doesn't provide that context for me. I prefer "you".

And when someone says it to me, I never call them on it. I just wince inwardly. This thread has given me a chance to vent about it.

<It's the tone that frequently comes with it that grates, and if you aren't female you likely haven't heard it used with that tone.>

I'm a few years younger than Will Owen and I've yet, in all these years, heard 'that tone' you're talking about. What is it you're referring to? I've heard ma'am used along with the utmost respect from both males and females, from all walks of life. It never once occurred to me that someone was disrespecting me....quite the opposite. Very recently a teacher, a gentleman, in a very prolific area of LA, that has historically received attention for being highly crime ridden, had his class refer to me as Mrs. They continued, throughout the day, calling me ma'am. I was touched and honored by these little people.They were being taught such impeccable manners and felt they were respecting me with their manners and the words they used. They would never have understood someone correcting them and asking them not to use the word ma'am. I don't either.

I've never had "that tone" either, but then I'm a product of the South, where all women are "ma'am".

I believe that Emily Post and Miss Manners and the tenets of proper English usage all dictate using "ma'am" to address a woman with whom one is not acquainted. (They also sometimes recommend "madame"....that one makes me wince, just because of the societal implications it has undeservedly taken on over the years.)

For those who know I live in France....Madame bothers me when uttered by an anglophone...but I think nothing of the address in my daily life, because there are no alternatives, and addressing someone respectfully is as necessary as breathing here.

The southern component is key to not hearing "that tone" nor finding it objectionable. It doesn't bother me nearly as much when it comes from someone obviously southern, but it still makes me feel ancient. "That tone" comes from people who pepper their conversation with it, using it every few seconds for no reason at all - especially customer service.

Luckily (at least I think so), that has never been any form of salutation used toward me. Somehow, I feel that I would be horribly offended, should that term be used. Same, if applied to my young, and very lovely "trophy wife."

I agree. "Young Lady" is disrespectful for a woman past forty because it's saying the opposite of what the speaker sees in front of him and tips us off that what he is really thinking is "Old Lady". But even less do I appreciate being called "Mama" which seems to be the going thing for Caribbean and African servers to call a woman along in years. What ever happened to "Ma'am"?

That Mama thing is hard to get used to, I've had chefs in a professional setting call me Mama constantly and I get weirded out. I think they're hitting on me or something. But don't think they are really. Guess it's just a cultural thing, but that IS my worst way to be addressed at this point. Until I figure out the real implications.

I agree. I'm 51 and if someone called me "young lady," I'd laugh at the obvious ridiculousness of the statement. Other than that, I'm not terribly sensitive about how I'm addressed. I'm not sure any honorific is needed. What is wrong with "good evening, welcome to XYZ....can I get you something to drink as you peruse the menu?"

I think "young lady" and "miss" are incredibly patronizing. Clearly, I am middle-aged. I don't need to have my ego stroked by someone pretending I look younger than I do. There are worse things than years, people!.

If "Ma'am" is good enough for the queen of England, it's good enough for me.