No longer Oblivious

I wonder how it's possible to be so oblivious to my major weight problem. I of course know I have a problem, but I don't admit to myself how severe it is. Today when my clothes no longer fit, I touch the steering wheel again and my feet swelled because I didn't wear gym shoes it somehow struck me that I am not admitting the truth. I have gained my weight back and I need to get back on plan...TODAY!

So to start things back in the right direction, I thought I would come clean here. I have changed my profile pic to one from February of this year and have made my ticker accurate. I haven't been 259 in a year, that's enough lying.

I really didn't believe it could happen to me. I had this down. I had lost 110 lbs and everything was going my way. I wasn't ever getting back to my highest weight. Yep, that's what I thought. But when I changed jobs last year and hated my new one and cried all the time, I turned to food. In fact, switching jobs had messed with me so much, I think I gained 10 lbs from the time I was offered the job and when I started. Leaving my job that I loved after 13 years was just a lot for me to process.

But when I finally started liking my new job, I didn't quit, I just kept eating. When the new year came and I weighed 325, I didn't quit, I just kept eating. And now here I am. I have "started" over time and time again, but really have had no success. In fact, every time I lose 10 pounds and gain in back, it all goes right to my stomach!!!!

I still see my trainer DeWayne although he is none too pleased with me. I have the knowledge, I know how to do this, I just need to do it. So it starts today.

Right there with you as well. I just restarted 2 weeks ago. Being honest with yourself is the hardest part of it all... it's horrible, but we need to do it if we are every going get to our goals. ((hugs))

__________________~~Sommer~~
Determined to find "Fawn", the skinny chick within me!

Thanks for your honesty Sandi. I gained back 30 of 93 lost. Similar story - life stress, strong emotions, ate to deal with it. I hope I'm back on track today but I've said that so many times in the last few months. I know we can do this. Heck, we've proven we can if we just make that commitment to ourselves.

Sandi your story has many parodies with mine. I joined here in 2003 at 226lb since joining looking for support in losing the last 20lb i accidently gained back 103. My big thing was i wasn't bothered because hey its only 20/30/40lb i lost 100lb before i'll get that 50 off in a few months.

This board is a blessing and curse, I see many many people on here still having the issues they were talking about 10 years ago.

The thing is in reality you've probably had this convo with yourself more times over the years than you care to remember. Its easy to forget the time before last etc.

One thing that the board is a blessing for is that (apart from the odd server death) our posts are stored for us to retrieve our thoughts.

I suggest you go through your posts. pick a few points over the last year and read what you were thinking and feeling. then go back a few years when it was better. try to find triggers for food. A bad day at the office is not a trigger. its a build up of things. find these and write them down.

Plan this journey on the last. you achieved some success which is your foundation, look at your last 10 years on here and thing A) worked all times so i'll keep that. B) C) D) didn't work so i'll not bother with them.

You have a rich history of experimenting with this weight loss lark, explore it and use it for your advantage.

As Einstein said.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Sandi, it is so hard to be honest with ourselves. I commend you for coming clean. I have lost and regained weight many times. This time I am vowing to give away my clothes as I grow out of them. I have never done that before and allow myself to grow back into the big clothes.

Sandi,
We have all been there. I lost a little over 100 pounds and then the high stress hit. I gained about 55 pounds back. During the time I was gaining, I watched you and you were losing! You inspired me.

I restarted and restarted, and restarted again. Finally one of those times took and now I am only a few pounds away from my all time low.

You are not alone! You can count me as yet another fellow regainer. And every day I could punch myself. Why did I not get control when it was only 10 pounds? Or twenty? Or the first time I had to go back up two pants sizes?

None of that can be changed. I think as a whole we tend to get so focused on reaching our target number that we forget that it's not the end. The work never ends. And we are a bit like alcoholics or others with compulsions or addictions; we can know what needs to happen, and we can even make ourselves do it for a while. But when we get stressed out, we will tend to fall back on our old dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

I wish you happy losing, and I hope you are able to make changes in the parts of your life that are leaving you so stressed out.

Hi Sandi! Your honesty is refreshing. I'm sure it was hard to put yourself out there, but I appreciate it. I know just how you feel. I lost 140 lbs 2007-2009, and was feeling great! Near the end of 2009 I was forced to make a job change within my company. I didn't want to go. Everyone in that department advised me to stay away! I was miserable, and I ate -- I ate 100lbs worth of anger, frustration and stress.

Somehow in January of 2012, I got control of myself and recognized what I was doing. I still don't like my job, but I have one, and for that I'm grateful. Last week, it was announced that I would take on several "other duties as assigned." I was livid! I don't think I can handle a bigger workload! I felt those old feelings, and made the decision to change jobs. I want to find another job before I leave this one, but it's not been easy to keep my calm. SO.... I know all about job stress.

Hang in there, and just do the next RIGHT thing. YOU CAN DO IT! I look forward to getting to know you.

__________________

Losing again since January 2012"Tomorrow is a new day; You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson

(3.10.14) I resolve to lose the last 60lbs to make it all the way to goal! One blossom = 5lbs