player profiles

Bored Invents

“WHY NO JADEJA??” “Why didn’t you
pick Jadeja?” “If Jadeja was fit, why didn’t you play him?” “Do you regret not
picking Jadeja?” “Virat, any regrets on not picking Jadeja?” “In hindsight,
don’t you think Jadeja would have been a better pick than Umesh?” “Seeing that
India picked four quicks and a spinner was man of the match, don’t you think Jadeja..”

Sometimes, the noise gets too much
for a losing captain. After India’s defeat at Perth, the Jadeja-question didn’t
stop asking itself.

There was never going to be an
answer for what seemed like an obvious selection error yet again by Kohli and
his best man, Shastri.

A somewhat irate journalist even
asked Virat if his muddled selection could extend to dropping himself from the
Boxing Day Test in Melbourne.

In a fit of fury, the captain
lashed out, “What do you think, I’m an idiot…it’s people like you that need to
leave Australia and go somewhere else”

Undeterred, the journalist
continued to lay siege, “Virat, that has not answered my question, will you be
resting yourself for the Melbourne Test??”

Virat had had enough. He blurted
out his secret plans. With a smirk, he let the cat out of the bag, “No…you will
see, for Melbourne…we have some very different plans in place…”

Suddenly, he had everyone’s
attention. And the entire room was eating out of his hands.

“What?” What are these plans, Virat?”
“Do tell, skipper?”

Not one to hold back, Kohli cut
loose, waking even the most jetlagged of journalists.

“We will be playing an all spin
attack in Melbourne. Happy? No more questions please. Thank you”

An all-spin attack would be
something you could expect from Afghanistan, but India? Was Kohli being
sarcastic? Appears not.

After bowling nearly 420 overs in
the first two back-to-back Tests, India’s bowlers are feeling the strain. More
so the quicks, who bowled the bulk of the 200 plus overs at Perth.

If Rohit had been fit, and played
instead of Vihari, the workload of the quicks could have been far more. But in
Vihari, the team believes they have unlocked an off spinner who will make the
cut through the series.

After Nathan Lyon’s man of the
match 8-for at Perth, India is looking to replicate his effort with Ashwin. It
is believed, Ashwin will work as a groundsman in the build-up to the third
Test. Lyon, who himself was a groundsman, was sceptical of India’s efforts,
“Next thing they’ll expect Pant to say, ‘Nice Garry!” after Ashwin bowls.”

In Ashwin and Vihari, India have
two off spinners, so even if the specialist isn’t 100% in the second innings,
the latter can give him a much needed breather. Something that India clearly
missed at Adelaide.

After going for way too many in
way too few, there’s no way India will play Umesh Yadav again. The Bhuvi option
doesn’t work either, as he, by Kohli’s own admission is way too undercooked –
hasn’t played a First Class game for longer than anyone remembers.

After seeing the folly of four No.
11s at Perth, India is looking to go all-out to have only one No. 11 or at
worst, two – that means adding another bowling option that can bat.

Who better than Jadeja. That will
shut all those hounds baying for Kohli’s blood. If he doesn’t come off, their
Perth selection will be vindicated. And they can drop him for Sydney again.

But playing Jadeja means one more
thing: not playing Ishant Sharma. The two were inseparable at Perth, exchanging
language that would’ve made their captain proud. It nearly came to push, with promises
of shove.

Seeing that the openers aren’t
doing much, India is seriously toying with the idea of playing Kuldeep Yadav
instead of one of them. Kuldeep has entered his 25th year and has a
Test bowling average of 25; this is seen as favourable – and there is every
chance he will add 6 Test wickets at Melbourne (according to the anonymous team
astrologer) to take his Test tally to 25 scalps.

And just like that, Kohli will
play Ashwin, Jadeja, Kuldeep and Vihari, which adds up to four spinners at
Melboune. If that isn’t an all-out spin attack, what is?

There is enough talk of it being a
flat wicket, and we all know how big the MCG is, so the more the merrier –
never know which spinner could turn out to be India’s trump card to push them
2-1 up in the series.