“i don’t know what it will look like, but i know what it will feel like”

A few weeks ago I took Vivi to an apple orchard for the afternoon. We got apple slushees, apple donuts and a big bag of freshly picked honeycrisps to make a pie. As we sat outside in the sun I was hit with this overwhelming sense of loneliness. There was a group of moms sitting under a tree right in front of me, their kids all playing together as the moms talked about tantrums, marriage and the best kind of cookie from Target. Another group of moms walked behind me with their kids, it was clear they spend a lot of time together because you couldn’t even tell which kid belong to whom, they all just sort of went together like some sort of modern day sister-wife arrangement.

While I’m grateful for all the friends who live in my computer (hi, you) there are times I am terribly lonely in real life. Where does one even meet mom friends in real life? I’m also a sort of strange hybrid of mom friend myself, I travel a lot and I work from home, but I also have a toddler and school age child. Many of the people close to me with a toddler and third grader have a few other kids in-between. I don’t really know anyone else in real life with the 6-7 year age gap. I have really great friends in Indy (and all over the world), but the biggest struggle is all of them are more than a 30 minute drive from me, which makes it hard to get together on the spur of the moment.

Mom dating is hard, because not only do you have to get along with your new mom friend and share some sort of interests — your kids have to get along too. It’s the worst when you like a mom but your kids don’t really get along, or vice versa. I know there are moms that live by me, ones I am friends with — but they’re really busy. I’m really busy. Addie has to get off the bus, Vivi has to nap, I have to work….

A friend called me tonight and said she’s felt a tapping on her heart that she needs to find some ladies out there who need friends, friends who aren’t afraid to get together in sweatpants and no makeup. Friends who need a friend that can admit that life is sometimes really hard but friends can and do make it better. She was nervous about asking for my help, but every word she spoke went right to my heart. This isn’t an online thing, this is a real life thing. This is a ‘put down your phones and let’s all talk about how we used to cry for hours because we were so tired with a new baby’ thing. This is a let your flaws become your greatest and most charming asset thing.

Neither of us know how to do it, how to bring these women who we know are out there and who need other friends together. Her exact words were “I don’t know what it will look like, but I know what it will feel like.”

So do I.

And it’s kind of scary, what if they don’t like us? But it’s also kind of thrilling — finding other hearts out there you were meant to be friends with in this life.

We both said we’d pray about it, leave it up to God to put us where we need to be to find these ladies — or maybe — we were just meant to find each other for now. Regardless, if this is something that speaks to your heart (and really, we don’t give a lick if you talk to God or not as long as you’re a nice person) maybe you could join us? We’re not sure how or when, but we are sure it needs to happen.

Comments

One more thing… I met one of my best friends at the baby swings at Happy Hollow Park, and we always joke that we ‘picked each other up’. Ie; ‘You seem really nice and everything… Wanna take this to the next level with a play-date?’ It can be scary to put yourself out there, but I am so glad that I have taken those chances.

I’m really not sure I believe you. Esp when you have tweeted a response we are a bunch of bigots & rednecks that live by you. There are plenty of ppl that live in your small little town near Indianapolis that would love to befriend you but I think you like the anonymity.

Constant battle. I’m a f/t working mom, add to that single, living in a different city – make that country – from where I grew up. My old friends who know me, really know me, live everywhere else, and while I have a few close friends locally, it’s not the same. And there’s not that many.

Yes, yes, yes. I feel like all I see around me are totally put-together, skinny moms who don’t have to work and can spend all their time volunteering for their child’s class. I need people like me! I have to work and wish I didn’t, I am SO not skinny anymore, and my idea of being put-together is wearing clean clothes. Where are my jeans and t-shirt people who work for a living???