Yuck. What a crappy situation. I wish I had good suggestions, but I'm the same boat, as this is my sister's in-laws (and I get to spend my birthday biting my tongue, hooray!). I'm gonna keep an eye on this thread in case something useful comes up, or if I come up with an idea.

My usual response is to go into the kitchen and drink. This becomes dangerous, though, if I leave the kitchen because then I'm no longer in my happy place and I'm loaded and they're asshats. It doesn't usually end well.

Also, that doesn't help in the workplace.

_________________Your heart is a muscle the size of a fistKeep loving, keep fighting

I'm currently stumped by a homophobic supervisor. I mentioned in supervision that Client's friend was at the house, and that I'm pretty sure it's client's gf, and she got all weird, and asked if I was ok with that, and I was like "Uhh yea, why wouldn't i be??" And she made some comment about not knowing the client was a lesbian, and I said I'd known for a long time, and she said she wouldn't be comfortable being alone with a lesbian. I nearly laughed and said I have a lot of lesbian friends, it's not a big deal, and besides, I have a professional relationship with this client, who knows I'm married. I'm not worried.

In addition to shutting it down with a comment like "That's not appropriate," I'd be tempted to label it so the person knows what you find inappropriate. So, something like, "Racism isn't appropriate" in a very calm tone of voice. It's sort of hard to argue with that statement, especially in a work environment, even though racism isn't appropriate in any environment.

_________________"oooohhh, Jesus is a lil weiner" -lubimiller"I don't want to wake up pregnant by tempeh!" -amandabear

I would ask for evidence to back up what she says. "I don't understand what you mean, can you clarify? I have never observed this." Asking for examples will make her actually have to think about what she is saying. Also if she does explain herself, it gives you a chance to say why it's untrue or point out the problems with what she is saying

I would ask for evidence to back up what she says. "I don't understand what you mean, can you clarify? I have never observed this." Asking for examples will make her actually have to think about what she is saying. Also if she does explain herself, it gives you a chance to say why it's untrue or point out the problems with what she is saying

My defense is usually "You realize I'm part Mexican, right? What with the Spanish last name and all?"I'm not even sure how far back in my family you have to go to find someone from Mexico, but it shuts them up after a few minutes of blustering and "Oh, I didn't mean your family..."

I would ask for evidence to back up what she says. "I don't understand what you mean, can you clarify? I have never observed this." Asking for examples will make her actually have to think about what she is saying. Also if she does explain herself, it gives you a chance to say why it's untrue or point out the problems with what she is saying

I like this idea, but then you also risk the chance of them going off on some racist rant.

I'm currently stumped by a homophobic supervisor. I mentioned in supervision that Client's friend was at the house, and that I'm pretty sure it's client's gf, and she got all weird, and asked if I was ok with that, and I was like "Uhh yea, why wouldn't i be??" And she made some comment about not knowing the client was a lesbian, and I said I'd known for a long time, and she said she wouldn't be comfortable being alone with a lesbian. I nearly laughed and said I have a lot of lesbian friends, it's not a big deal, and besides, I have a professional relationship with this client, who knows I'm married. I'm not worried.

A lot of homophobes say this. As though they're totally irresistable or something and all gay people of the same sexwill instantly jump them.

_________________"Gee, that's interesting. I guess you can be intellectually gifted and still be morally bankrupt." - Daria Morgendorffer

I'm currently stumped by a homophobic supervisor. I mentioned in supervision that Client's friend was at the house, and that I'm pretty sure it's client's gf, and she got all weird, and asked if I was ok with that, and I was like "Uhh yea, why wouldn't i be??" And she made some comment about not knowing the client was a lesbian, and I said I'd known for a long time, and she said she wouldn't be comfortable being alone with a lesbian. I nearly laughed and said I have a lot of lesbian friends, it's not a big deal, and besides, I have a professional relationship with this client, who knows I'm married. I'm not worried.

"Well, I'm not comfortable being alone with a homophobe."

_________________Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnationblog!FB!

I'm currently stumped by a homophobic supervisor. I mentioned in supervision that Client's friend was at the house, and that I'm pretty sure it's client's gf, and she got all weird, and asked if I was ok with that, and I was like "Uhh yea, why wouldn't i be??" And she made some comment about not knowing the client was a lesbian, and I said I'd known for a long time, and she said she wouldn't be comfortable being alone with a lesbian. I nearly laughed and said I have a lot of lesbian friends, it's not a big deal, and besides, I have a professional relationship with this client, who knows I'm married. I'm not worried.

A lot of homophobes say this. As though they're totally irresistable or something and all gay people of the same sexwill instantly jump them.

Yeah, my usual response to that is "What makes you think you're so attractive to men/women?"

_________________I was really surprised the first time I saw a penis. After those banana tutorials, I was expecting something so different. -Tofulish

I'm with Bastah. Brush up on your statistics, studies and sources, and ask the co-worker to cite theirs. I'd also prepare rebuttals to some of the more popular arguments used. Keep calm, logical and rational. Ideally, by taking a methodical, realistic approach to the situation, they will start thinking for themselves, and pursuing their own data. However, if they do launch into a rant, they just look even more ridiculous to others in the vicinity, and ultimately, their conniption is not your problem.

This has become my stock standard reply to people who claim Australia is full and asylum seekers are ILLEGAL ALIENS who will DESTROY our country."If you want to save tax-payers money and have fun while doing it, you can volunteer here http://www.refugeetutoring.org/ and help out families who have been referred by such organisations as Treatment Rehabilitation Service for Survivors of. Torture and Trauma (TRUSTT)"

I used to refer them to legal documents and human rights bodies but that never got through to anyone.

"I know. They come over here, they take the jobs no one else wants to do, do a better job than if they did actually want to do them and get paid almost nothing for it. Shocking."Then maybe the face punch option.

I agree with "this is not appropriate." It must be difficult since it's your boss, hope it goes well.

omg it's your boss?! What a sucky situation. Maybe "I'm uncomfortable with this conversation." would go over better with a boss, but still, what the hell is wrong with the world (sorry, I have election day bitterness.)

_________________"oooohhh, Jesus is a lil weiner" -lubimiller"I don't want to wake up pregnant by tempeh!" -amandabear

Cause I could use some nice, neutral responses to when she starts the comments about how the Mexicans are ruining something, and all those Muslims.

I actually had an employee like this just quit, and I couldn't be happier. One incident she commented on how "brothers don't grow orchids" and I told her that simply wasn't true. She also made a racist comment about Muslims and I told her flat out that I wouldn't tolerate that kind of talk in the office. She said she was "just kidding".

If you really wanted to pack a punch, file a complaint to HR telling them you are offended by her behavior. They have to take action.

I am in a similar quandary, but the offending individual is my employer so I just keep my mouth closed.

It is sort of like that here. There is no HR dept. I don't really have anyone to go to.

"I don't appreciate your comments, and it makes me hate coming in to work." I tried to be nice and they would always claim everything was a joke.This was my situation as of three weeks ago... and I left my job because of it. Generally, you don't receive unemployment if you quit but I had several pages of my boss' racist comments written down,complete with dates,times, etc. I had zero issues when I filed for unemployment.

I am in a similar quandary, but the offending individual is my employer so I just keep my mouth closed.

It is sort of like that here. There is no HR dept. I don't really have anyone to go to.

"I don't appreciate your comments, and it makes me hate coming in to work." I tried to be nice and they would always claim everything was a joke.This was my situation as of three weeks ago... and I left my job because of it. Generally, you don't receive unemployment if you quit but I had several pages of my boss' racist comments written down,complete with dates,times, etc. I had zero issues when I filed for unemployment.

Thank you. I try to document everything. I am also working on an exit strategy.

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:31 pmPosts: 1620Location: In the land of Druids and Moonrakers

girlgerms wrote:

kfad wrote:

Kate wrote:

I am in a similar quandary, but the offending individual is my employer so I just keep my mouth closed.

It is sort of like that here. There is no HR dept. I don't really have anyone to go to.

"I don't appreciate your comments, and it makes me hate coming in to work." I tried to be nice and they would always claim everything was a joke.This was my situation as of three weeks ago... and I left my job because of it. Generally, you don't receive unemployment if you quit but I had several pages of my boss' racist comments written down,complete with dates,times, etc. I had zero issues when I filed for unemployment.

I'm sorry to hear that you ended up having to leave your job, but I really admire your integrity and clarity over this. Good for you, even though it's a terrible shame that you had to experience it.