My therapist and I actually talked about my teenage use of marijuana. I have had anxiety my whole life, but my parents never noticed, much less got me treatment for it. I self medicated. Since I finished high school with a 3.9.....I guess I did not hurt me much.

'There are no atheists in foxholes' isn't an argument against atheism, it's an argument against foxholes."-James Morrow

I had to push quite hard to get help for Number 3 Son, who has been virtually housebound with anxiety-induced agoraphobia for years. Like him, I was very anxious as a teen (I got better after a short course (five days) of diazepam) but people who have never suffered from it cannot comprehend. Hubby had always been kind but impatient with him. He simply was incapable of understanding how anyone could be scared of going outside and/or meeting people. A few weeks ago, during a long drive alone with hubby, I was talking about flying, (we saw paragliders alongside the road and I mentioned how much I regret not having tried it before my health got too bad to try) and I mentioned how lucky hubby is not to have any phobias (he flew gliders when younger, and has always climbed mountains as a pastime). Hubby admitted that, actually, small heights, such as ladders, terrify him - even when he knows, logically, that he is perfectly safe, he gets all the symptoms of anxiety anyway. At last, a point of empathy! I told him that Number 3 Son gets those exact symptoms every time he leaves his room; despite knowing, intellectually, that there is nothing to fear, his primitive brain goes into panic anyway. Hubby finally inderstood.

I had persuaded the GP to organise a team from the mental health department, who actually visited son at home; they then booked him several urgent appointments with a psych doc within a week, all of which he failed to attend, so the psych doc came to the house (with a small entourage). After a visit that lasted over an hour (during which I occasionally heard laughter coming from the lounge, so he was a big success with my son), he overruled the GP's reluctance to prescribe meds, saying that it was obvious that son needed them. After just one month on meds, son is now taking bicycle rides with us and joining in social stuff - he actually ate outside with us and our friends at last week's barbecue, instead of grabbing some food and retreating to his room (at best) or asking his brother to fetch him something. To celebrate son's progress, hubby bought him a brand new bicycle. The barrier of misunderstanding between them has come down.

I feel for anxiety sufferers who have no-one in their family who can empathise. It makes a bad situation worse. Medication really does have an important part to play - cognitive behaviour therapy, which is what my GP wanted son to use, can only work when one knows what not feeling anxious feels like, so one has something to aim for. If one has been anxious since birth, how on Earth, without medication to reset the brain, can one use CBT? I've used it since my teens, because I have bad side-effects to psych drugs; but without the drugs I had at nineteen I wouldn't have ever known that it is possible to feel differently about life. I woke up on the fifth morning actually feeling different. For the first time in my life I wasn't in a state of anxiety; I finally knew what it felt like not to be permanently worried.

I am not surprised that people self-medicate with stuff like alcohol, tobacco and pot if their woes aren't taken seriously by their family and/or doctor; which is a shame, because modern medications are apparently far superior to what was available years ago. Self-medication probably did you more good than harm; son couldn't attend school regularly enough to get any kind of assessment.

Tigger_the_Wing wrote:I feel for anxiety sufferers who have no-one in their family who can empathise. It makes a bad situation worse. Medication really does have an important part to play - cognitive behaviour therapy, which is what my GP wanted son to use, can only work when one knows what not feeling anxious feels like, so one has something to aim for. If one has been anxious since birth, how on Earth, without medication to reset the brain, can one use CBT?

That's sort of what getting a job is like for me. I've probably said this already but I forget. I've had two jobs since I was twelve. Both employers hold the philosophy not of "the customer is always right", but rather, "the employee is always wrong". Ten working years of my life, being yelled at for every little thing I did or didn't do. Half the years I've known how to use the English language, my bosses have used it to make me feel bad. Nobody in my family seems to understand why I'm so afraid to get a job except Ashley, but they tell me Ashley is too soft on me.

Medication won't help. I'm on loads of medication. Anti-anxiety meds only make me high and super-manic.

Now I'm almost done with my college degree. This summer or fall, I need to get an internship, with an unfamiliar company, in an unfamiliar place, and I don't know what that will be, or what will be required of me. (-_-)

The one job that my youngest sons did as work experience was at a department store under a manager who was a blatant bully. The store had so many complaints from parents, plus schools threatening to put them on a black list, that the guy has since been sacked. That didn't help my sons, though. Number 3 Son walked out on the first day and refused to go back. Number 4 son stuck out the week, trying hard to keep his head down and not get noticed too much but it made him very nervous about applying for work, which may be why, despite bravely approaching many, many shops/restaurants etc. with CVs, he hadn't had a single callback.

Fortunately, Number 4 son has a lot of friends. One of them, off to University in another state, recommended him and her boss to each other; he now has a part-time job in a family-owned giftshop that he absolutely loves. And the boss is very impressed; he asked Number 4 son to do a new window display last week, and told him that he'd done a superb job! I've seen a big change in Number 4 son's demeanor, too. Not as shy as his twin, he always had a good social life and did well at school but never seemed to have much self-esteem. Since getting together with his girlfriend and getting a job with a kind and appreciative boss, he has suddenly grown up and seems much more secure in himself.

I hope that you manage to get something similar, ADoS. It doesn't matter so much what job you do as long as you feel contented. Having a good boss and pleasant co-workers can make all the difference. I really hope your internship is with a group of thoroughly pleasant people.

I don't think anyone can be 'too soft' on anyone with anxiety problems. If someone is being intentionally lazy and using others to give them a cushy existence then, yes, that person needs the proverbial kick. But when you have genuine reasons for anxiety, whether it be because of a hormonal imbalance or prior experience, then you deserve to be treated gently. Being hard on someone with anxiety only makes the anxiety worse and certainly doesn't help them to achieve independence, just as forcing someone with a broken leg to walk doesn't help it to heal!

I'm really glad for you that you and Ashley have one another for support. Everyone needs someone that they love to affirm for them that they are worthwhile. And you are definitely a worthwhile person, never mind what some insecure bullies may have said or done; just because the only way they know to build up their own self-esteem is to belittle others doesn't make them right. Such people should never be in charge of other people. I'm sorry the rest of your family don't understand, though. I wish that someone who could get through to them would explain what you have been through, and that they 'get it'.

ADoS: don't think that because you've got "issues," or because everyone else tells you to not take it so seriously, that you have to let employers walk all over you. You have rights as an employee, and if an employer violates those rights you should not put up with it.

"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré

I have been blogging about my PTSD, as well as my anxiety. People who know me are shocked that I have anxiety problems, because I am such an outgoing person.

What they never know is that my brain constantly runs, and sometimes it gets into "loops" where the same thoughts chase themselves round and round. I once did not sleep for three days in Iraq because I had not heard from my wife. I was terrified that she was dead. Turns out there were bad storms and the electricity was out. Her cell was dead. After that, I went back on my meds.

People need to have talks like this about the reality of psychiatric illness. I think the more we share about it, the stigma will reduce.

'There are no atheists in foxholes' isn't an argument against atheism, it's an argument against foxholes."-James Morrow

Like cancer was never mentioned when I was a child (only 'a long illness') but is now openly discussed, mental health will eventually be no longer a stigma if everyone who has problems is open about them.

I can't hide my physical disabilities (a wheelchair is pretty obvious, unless it's in the trailer and I'm on the bicycle; then I can appear physically able-bodied at first glance. Although all the extra wheels* confuse people… ) and I don't let people ignore me just because my head is at child head-height. I dress in bold colours and unusual ways (not many other pirates in wheelchairs around here! ) and expect people to treat me with the same consideration that they give anyone else. In return, I try not to run over their toes.

Long ago I decided I wouldn't hide my mental differences, either. I am totally open about my Asperger's; also about my depression and my neurological problems. Almost everyone I open up to either admits to having mental issues themselves or to having a close relative with something similar. NO-ONE has ever given me a hard time about my honesty.

It seems to me that almost everyone is going around with an unwarranted sense of shame at their own problems, without realising that they are surrounded by people similarly coping with problems that they feel shame at, too.

End the shame.

We don't want a pity-party. We just want to give ourselves and each other permission to share; both our problems and how we've coped.