Angie Harmon: I’m a Mess with Mommy Guilt

For Angie Harmon, working 90 hours a week filming TNT’s Rizzoli & Isles is more than physically difficult — it’s hard being away from her family, the mother-of-three says.

“I’m a mess,” Harmon, 38, tells Good Housekeeping in its July issue. “I’ve lost 10 pounds since I got here. This is the hardest time in my life, for sure.”

Balancing her two jobs — actress and mother to daughtersFinley, 7½, Avery, 6 this month, and Emery, 2 — and two locations — L.A. and her family home in Charlotte, N.C. — has its effects. She calls it “mommy guilt.”

“When I feel like I’m not doing what I am supposed to as a mother, I will torture myself,” she says. “I don’t know how to deal with it. I find some consolation in the fact that all mommies feel it.”

She adds: “If there was a way to cure mommy guilt, I would bottle it and be a bazillionaire.”

And when she misses a milestone, there’s bound to be a bout of the mommy guilt. “The baby is a great talker, and she’s improving every day,” she recalls of one such moment. “So she got on the phone and said, ‘Mommy, I mith you so muth.’ She has a lisp now! I just lost it.”

It may break her heart that she doesn’t see her daughters, who are home with dad Jason Sehorn every day, but she says she’s trying to heed the words of fellow actress and mother Kyra Sedgwick — which is easier said than done.

“Kyra told me to keep my heart where my feet are, so when I’m at work, my heart stays at work, and when I’m at home, my heart stays at home,” she says. “With that idea in mind, I can sort of stay on track.”

What great advice from Kyra. Worrying and feeling guilty does no good and keeps you stressed!

Minami86
on June 8th, 2011

I’m not trying to start an argument but Angie used to have her whole family in LA but then she said sometime last year I believe she wanted to move so her kids can have “great southern values”. You move your kids halfway across the country then say “oh I missed them?”. Values dont come from locations, they come from your parents. And you dont shoot year round so when the kids are out of school, why not stay in your home in NC?

I loved Angie on Law & Order so this isnt an “OMG I hate her” comment. I’m just pointing out what she said before.

Amy
on June 8th, 2011

We all face mommy guilt. Kyra had great advice.

J
on June 8th, 2011

Minami86,

North Carolina is a much safer location, and the Charlotte area has fantastic schools. Not to mention, it’s much closer to her family, so her children can known them. Why shouldn’t Angie want the same things for her kids that “normal” mothers do? She’s supposed to sacrifice her children for her job? All of you non-famous women are always crowing how you can have it all, is she not allowed to simply because she’s a celebrity?

Eryn
on June 8th, 2011

Wow? 90 hours a week? Are you sure? Well, I don’t understand how moms can leave their kids, but at least they are with their dad….and YES “J” when one becomes a mother you usually do sacrifice your job for your children BECAUSE being their for your kids IS YOUR JOB. What’s the point in having them if you are giving them to a nanny to raise? It would be devastating if the dad wasn’t home with the girls, so good for them for making that work. People gotta do what works for them, but yeah I just hope her schedule isn’t so crazy soon!

Crystal
on June 8th, 2011

I do agree with Angie Harmon’s views on well anything. I find her quite snotty at times reading her interviews. That being said, it must be hard trying to do it all. I’m sure she will find the perfect balance to where her kids are happy and healthy and her career is successful. I wish her and Jason the best of luck in everything they do.

Jen DC
on June 8th, 2011

Like Minami86, SHE IS NOT TRYING TO START AN ARGUMENT. But on the face of it, Angie’s guilt seems self-inflicted in this case. Sure, Charlotte is safer, has good schools, is closer to her family… but having chosen that route for her family, stop complaining about your guilt. Why complain about a problem that you (1) created or (2) can fix?

I don’t think having her girls in California with her would be “sacrificing her children.” That’s a little melodramatic. There are plenty of non-celebrity places to live in California – all of north California, for instance. There are more politically-conservative places to live in California other than in LA. From what I understand, Orange County is a good enclave of social and political conservatism and I’m sure there are SOME good public schools or PRIVATE ones they can afford!

“Having it all” is a myth. You can choose what you want, but in making that choice, it’s absolutely unbecoming to announce how “tortured” you are in making it. Particularly when you’re making in a couple of days what “average mommies” make all year.

K
on June 8th, 2011

From what I read in another article, Angie didn’t have many intentions of going back to work. She seemed to feel content as a stay-at-home mom. I think that is part of the reason that she moved her family to Charlotte. I’m sure she won’t be in LA during the entire year while her family is in North Carolina.

I’m also surprised by the ’90 hours’ that was mentioned. That just seems, excessive. I know that actors will work some ridiculous hours and put in quite a bit of time, but that just seems crazy!

She is a beautiful woman and I love reading her interviews. She is connected with her family and works at her marriage.

Anonymous
on June 8th, 2011

north carolina is not safer than california. and does she really send her kids to public school in NC? i doubt it. she can afford the best of private schools so moving to NC for a great public school doesn’t make sense.
i would go nuts working that much. better to stay in LA and come home to your kids every night.

Sage
on June 8th, 2011

I love Angie and has heard she is a great mom. I think it’s hard not having you kids with you at all times…. but she does get more time off than a majority of working moms.

But Carolina is where she thinks her family will grow best( I think she said Finley has come out of her shell a bit) and so that’s why she has moved them back. Also, she needs to make a living so I feel her on the mommy guilt.

showbizmom
on June 8th, 2011

I’m not a fan of her’s but I wish her well in her balancing act.I’m in the same position. I’m not an actor but I work the same hours. 90 hours is normal for a lot of us, but if your lucky you work for folks that give you that time you need to parent.

You can raise well adjusted kids here in LA kids that don’t end up on reality shows, sex tapes or on drugs is possible you just have to find your community. The LA area is huge and I’m thankful we found our little community to help us raise our girls the way we want them to be raised. Orange County is a great place if you are on the well to do side and conservative, it’s also close enough to LA that one can work if they are in the entertainment business.

Raising your kids in the South isn’t a guarantee that they will have great childhoods. Harm, drugs, bad influences are in some of the nations wealthiest communities. I have family from NC and I understand her wanting to live there it’s beautiful and tons of things to do for the family and Wilmington has a good film presence. Yeah, she could have found want she wanted in CA reese witherspoon did. At the end of the day, I might not have done that big of a move but I understand why.

J
on June 8th, 2011

Tons of mothers work AND have kids. I was raised by a single working mother who didn’t have a CHOICE of “sacrificing” her job, Eryn, so stuff it. It seems to me these hateful comments are more motivated by the fact that Angie doesn’t find California the be-all end-all that you people seem to (omg, like, how can, like, everyone not, like, think California is, like, the best, like place EVAH?!?!) and actually chooses to make her permanent residence somewhere that I’m sure you consider “nowhere.”

Rose-2
on June 8th, 2011

@J: Your comment is asinine. No one said California was the be-all, end-all, they only said that if Angie wants to work and be around her children more then she could have moved somewhere closer to where her work is. And there have been no hateful comments made – to imply that pointing out something that’s common sense (that Angie created this problem by moving her family across the country) is hateful makes you sound melodramatic and defensive, not to mention foolish.

meghan
on June 8th, 2011

J, Eryn’s not talking about you or your mom, she’s talking about Angie Harmon, who moved her kids clear across the country from her job and then bellyaches to Good Housekeeping that she’s tearing herself up with guilt. She created this situation–and gets compensated handsomely for it I might add– so she has no one to blame but herself.

My Mom was a single mom and had to work a lot of hours too, but she managed to do so in the same time zone as her kids. And she managed not to whine about her lot in life, which I’m going to guess was a much tougher road than any road Ms. Harmon has ever known. If being a commuter parent is the hardest time in her life, that is a charmed life indeed and she should really shut up about her ‘struggles’.

Becca
on June 8th, 2011

How about finding a job that suits a mommy? Or is fame and fortune that much more important?

Dawn
on June 8th, 2011

I’ve got a cure…quit working so much (or at all). “Mommy Guilt” isn’t something “all mommies have”…I don’t because I gave up working to raise my kids. If I needed to work for money or health care, I would in a second but you don’t so why put your VERY small kids through being without their mom so you can be a TV star? Priority check anyone?

What of it?
on June 8th, 2011

The kids are with their dad, not being raised by wolves. I think she’s expressing some very honest and natural emotions. No one criticizes male actors for expressing such sentiments – nor are wealthy male actors criticized for working when they have enough money to “choose” otherwise. If, for example, Matt Damon made the same comments most readers would be melting, not beating up on him for choosing to work. For some reason working moms are expected to close shop when they have kids or else remain silent about their struggles.

Chin up Angie. Your daughters will be fine and so will you. Make ‘em proud!

daria
on June 8th, 2011

for goodness sakes, you don’t become a perfect mother simply because you don’t have a paid job. being a good parent is so much more than your working status. the kids are with their father. seems like an excellent set-up to me.

Jen DC
on June 8th, 2011

@ J: For the record, I really do not enjoy California. Gimme the hardcore, rough-and-tumble, rude cuz I wanna, stressed out East Coast any day. Just suits my temperament a lot better.

All I’m saying is that Angie Harmon is pretty well off on the whole, and if this is her problem, she has the luxury of OPTIONS and plenty of money to get whatever done. And if I understand TV filming, she has an extended break at some point, so even this 90-hrs-a-week-away-from-her-family is further tempered by that.

Although I am sure that she is quite grateful (and probably even mentioned it during the interview, but negative spin is so much more marketable) for her job, healthy family etc.

I think Tina Fey said in an interview/quote she has a 16-17 hour work day doing 30 Rock.

meghan
on June 8th, 2011

Matt Damon wouldn’t make comments like these because he doesn’t act like a martyr whose life choices are beyond his control. Angie and her husband made a point of moving to the Carolinas. And then Angie just couldn’t pass up the chance to play a variation on herself on yet another TV show. If Matt Damon (or any other male entertainer) was bellyaching about the terrible guilt his highly paid career puts him through, you better believe he’d be raked over the coals by this site.

Angie has made certain decisions, which come with certain demands. SHE chose to live thousands of miles away from her job. You don’t make those choices and then WHINE about how hard it is.

RKF
on June 8th, 2011

Spare me the “I feel so guilty” BS. No, she doesn’t. If she felt an inkling of guilt, she would not be working 90 hours a week. Period. I’m so tired of hearing these egocentric fools whine over something that is in their control.

Cecelia
on June 9th, 2011

Eryn, you do realize that women can both work and be mothers, correct? I only ask because your post makes it seem like women should automatically stay at home with their children once they are born.

Minami86
on June 9th, 2011

Thank you to everyone who spoke up for me & contributed to what I said. As I mentioned in my previous comment, I was NOT trying to start an argument, I was merely pointing out a previous interview that Angie made.

To J: I realize Angie has a husband & thank you for pointing out her family is there, which I admit I did not know. I did not say that Angie couldnt have normal things for her children or sacrifice her job. I have a mother who worked but still managed to be there for me. Every mom, famous & not famous, can do it. I was merely stating that she moved her family across the country but then says she misses them working so many hours.

Like many of the commenters said after me, Angie CHOSE this & then complained about it. I’ve never been to LA & I havent been in NC long enough to know about crime rates & schools but I stand by my original statement that values come from parents, not locations. My mother & all 5 of her siblings lived in Harlem (which is a NYC ghetto) & each & every one of them finished high school, went into some short of college, armed forces or had stable jobs they retired from. There’s good & bad no matter where you live.

torgster
on June 9th, 2011

God I’m so sick of this broad. Does she ever open her mouth and not have another case of the stupids spew forth?

NickyAngel
on June 9th, 2011

I love Angie in Rizzoli & Isles.

cara
on June 9th, 2011

I agree, if she felt one bit guilty she would have her kids live with her wherever it be.

I am sure the kids miss their Mom terribly ! living near family would never compensate for Mommy living in a different part of the country.

Romy
on June 9th, 2011

at least they get big chunks of time off! 90hrs a lot. it’s ridiculous, really. I mean it’s just tv

Ellen Smith
on June 9th, 2011

@Falon – Thanks – I feel the same way. She is fake, fake, fake.

Lady
on June 9th, 2011

I love her!

Halley
on June 9th, 2011

Lots of mothers have to work, myself included. I hate being away from my son during the day, but the financial reality of my life is that I need to work. Having said that, I chose a job with normal hours, so that I could be with my son in the evenings and on the weekends. Its a balancing act and I think mothers try and do the best they can.

Having said that, she chose a job thousands of miles away from where her children are being raised. We dont know her financial situation, and maybe she had to do it, though I doubt that. If it were me, I would pick a job closer to home, especially while my children were little.

Mimi
on June 9th, 2011

If she feels so badly about not being with her kids (which she should!) why is she working? Surely she doesn’t need the money. She is so full of crap like most “conservatives”.

Michelle
on June 9th, 2011

Wow. She would bottle her guilt and be a bazillionaire?? It’s not like she not a MILLIONAIRE. She’s a snob.

Michelle
on June 9th, 2011

No offense but has any seen Rizzoli and Isles? It’s terrible!! I couldn’t even finish one episode! So to hear her say she works 90 hours a week.. I say, find another gig bc this one isn’t worth spending yoru tme away from your girls!

lp
on June 9th, 2011

Wow…I work 40 hours a week and I find that difficult! I can’t imagine being away from my husband and children and home that much every day. Sure, the paycheck must be great, but at what cost? Those milestones she’s missing? No amount of money will ever get those back. I feel for her, but in life, we make our own decisions.

AB
on June 9th, 2011

I found the cure for mommy guilt!! Here it is. . .work less, and be with your kids more. Sweet- can I be a ‘bazillionaire’ now?? I’m all about finding a good balance of adult time to help you feel like a whole person while raising kids, but if your balance is so off that you’re neglecting one aspect, it needs to be reevaluated and changed.

Rebecca
on June 9th, 2011

My favorite excuse is she has to make a living…how much $$$ do you need to live successfully?? Jason gets a substantial paycheck from NFL Pension and angie couldn’t have spent every single nickel from her L&O days. I always wonder why women who have a spectacular family and enough money to live very comfortably still need the ego feed. It would be this time that I would choose to live on my laurels.

Raine
on June 9th, 2011

Minami86 & others,

Angie moved her family to North Carolina so that her kids could have a safer, slower place of life with an upbringing similar to her own southern upbringing in Texas. People can quibble about the safety of LA and whether California is a great place to raise kids and I know alot of Californians are defensive about it. However, bottom line is people have their viewpoints about where they would like to raise their kids and the effect it has had on their children living in certain places based on THEIR own experiences in those cities. Those experiences nad viewpoints can vary from family to family, lifestyle to lifestyle, and child to child even if the people involved life in the same city. So only those parents are in a true decision to make a decision on what city is best for their family and child. Therefore, no one and no city should take an offense to an opposing opinion on that.

Angie as stated many times that of particular concern and reason for the move to NC was all her children but, especially her midle daughter who is painfully shy. She has commented with great emotion in article and tv interviews how that particular daughter has totally blossomed and had a huge beneficial change in her personality due to the move. It was what was best for this particular child and all of her children.

She continues to work, however, she doesn’t work all year. Her show on TNT is not like regular network shows that film/air Sept/Oct. though May. They usually shoot 2-3 months at a time with several months breaks in between. During those times Angie is in NC with her family. Their shooting schedule is much more intense during thos efilming times which accounts for the 90 hour mention. She sacrifice her time away from her girls during the times she works so she can contribute to supporting her family and her children can grow up in an environment that is beneficial to them. And they have at least one parent with them all the time. Angie right now has the steady work gig with her show. Jason is retired and since they moved to NC I don’t know that he has the Sports analyst gig that he used to.

Angie is just like any mother acknowledging her feelings about missing her kids and missing out on some of the everyday milestones that every mom who works, not just celebrities, and not just moms working out of state, feels. She wouldn’t change the decision sh emade to move them to NC and is willing to have the sacrifice of missing those milestones for how the move has benefitted her children and her family. It’s hard but, worth it to her.

I’m sure she and her husband make enough money that she doesn’t ‘have’ to work right now – she should wait till the kids are older – this time is precious as all moms know – now that is a solution!

Megan
on June 9th, 2011

Seems like a lot of the sanctimonious mothers on here spend a lot of time worrying about the issues of strangers. Maybe sacrifice some of that snarky commenting time and, oh I don’t know, concentrate on your children??

I could give a flip about Harmon, but really, women are absolutely disgusting when it comes to attacking their own gender – heaven forbid a woman have a job AND try to be a mother. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t, and it’s all determined by a bunch of holier-than-thou cats with their claws out. How sad.

brooke jones
on June 9th, 2011

I’m sorry, but no. How can you be away from your kids for so long? It is great that they are with their father, but he needs to get a job. I usually love reading the baby blogs, but this one is just sad.

MIdwestGal
on June 9th, 2011

I love Angie Harmon, Jason Sehorn and Rizzoli & Isles. What I don’t love are judgmental people who comment when they don’t know what her life is like. Check out the plank in your own eye before you comment on the speck in your brothers.

kash
on June 9th, 2011

@ daria, Agreed! “you don’t become a perfect mother simply because you don’t have a paid job.”

I get so sick of the holier than thou SAHMs. If you can and want to stay at home, good for you. That doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for the rest of us IF it’s really a choice at all or that we’re “bad” if we don’t.

My kids go to a sitter who works out of her home. I’m really glad they get to see that some mommies go off somewhere to work and some mommies stay at home. I want them to grow up knowing that there are options in life.

Honeybee
on June 9th, 2011

Lots of great comments. Bottom line, we all make our own decisions. Yes, Angie is missing out on her children and the most precious times of their lives. To me, that’s not worth it IF you don’t have to, which certainly she does not have to. She is making that choice and I agree, stop the whining.

I was a single mom and know too well the sacrifices of having someone else take care of your child – but I made sure I was there mornings, evenings and weekends for him. People in this country do not take parenting very seriously. It’s an 18 year-per-child JOB. And no matter what this country teaches you, they do NOT have to have every toy and gadget that comes down the pike. However what they DO need is love and guidance and direction and discipline. Those things are free.

CB
on June 9th, 2011

RKF – sometimes I scan these “baby/kid” posts just to see if you’ve commented because I so wholeheartedly agree with every comment you make.

lp
on June 9th, 2011

Megan – you can get off your pedestal now, stop writing comments on this and perhaps go look after your own children. You’re one to talk. Comment sections on these articles are exactly for that reason, so that people can have their say. Last time I checked, this WAS a free country.

Lauren
on June 9th, 2011

Since a religious upbringing is obviously important to Angie and one of the reasons she moved to Charlotte, one of my friends grew up in LA County and is the most truly God-centered person that I know. By that, I mean she is a Christian in the word’s true sense (loving without judging), knows firmly what works for her without applying her own rules to everyone else, and would never dream of getting caught up in the LA stereotype of sex, drugs and nightclubs. It was hard on her at first, and she struggled a lot with the scene when she was younger, but she has become a much stronger person for sticking with her personal morals and inspires me every day to do the same.

So I, too, don’t buy the excuse of moving one’s family out of “evil LA.” It’s already been said here, but values don’t come from the place-they come from the home. The problem arises when negative values from the place and home coincide with one another, as is often the case. But I don’t believe for a second that if Angie and Jason are truly kind, centered people, there daughters won’t grow up to be the same, regardless of where they are raised. In the meantime, this decision to move sounds like a poor one for all involved.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

Used to work 80 hours a week (fulltime w/ call). Was supposedly doing it for my family so wed have money, and the good life. What a joke. I was never home, and the money just went to multiple insurances and bills. Never got a vacation once. ( I couldnt ever take off either because I was 1 of 2 people that did my job at a county hospital…..all shifts the 2 of us had to cover) The husbands career went nowhere, and he just got to depend on my paycheck, like all husbands do.

I quit work several years ago because I knew the guilt was my inner voice saying “this is wrong”. We have alot less money, but alot more happiness and memories. We also started homeschooling the kids after I read John Holt’s “Teach Your Own”. We now have a huge organic garden (something i never had the time or energy for)and are trying to be as self sustainable as possible; and the kids get to explore their life and interests and pursue them as they see fit. We are no longer bound by the ridiculous lifestyle and schedule of a working mom and public school. A good life is having your mother at home to cook real food, being with your family, and being free from the rat race.

We have to let go of our egos sometimes and just put the kids first.

One summer while working my daycare bill was $1200 a month. People dont realize the money that is spent just accomodating the working mom. If people would rework their budgets, and prioritize a bit most families can make it on one income. (and my kids have the latest things they are into, etc…… in fact they have m ore now than when i had to work, because we waste less money elsewhere)

So if you have guilt , you should listen to it. Best thing I ever did. My happy and peaceful kids will tell you that :)

Shel
on June 9th, 2011

What does her husband do? He doesn’t even hardly get mentioned. Maybe that’s why SHE works and not him, because if HE worked, SHE wouldn’t hardly get mentioned either, and maybe she couldn’t stand the lack of attention. But hey, someone has to put food on the table, and I think that if at least one of the parents is home with the kids, the other parent doesn’t have a right to belly ache about their “guilt”. How many households have it where both parents don’t work for 18 years? Shut TFU

Jw
on June 9th, 2011

I dont understand why her children can be with her. Plenty of stars bring their children on location. I mean if she feels that guilty. I agree with what other pointed out, I don’t have mommy guilt because I sacrifice a lot and stay home. That said, being with their father is not the end of the world.

Anonymous
on June 9th, 2011

Why is she working then? Also, why are her kids in Charlotte when she works in LA?

Jen
on June 9th, 2011

@Valerie- so those of us mom’s who have to work- we don’t value our time with our children? I HAVE to work to support my family. I HAVE to work so we can have medical insurance. Some women do not have a choice. Even the mom’s who could stay home but choose to work are doing what is best for their family and themselves. Don’t pass judgement. I agree with other posters- SAHM are so righteous !

mom
on June 9th, 2011

And no offense to the working moms, did it for 20 years, but…..there is a depth to relationships that just cant be achieved with the mom working. You might think you have a great relationship w your kids, and you prob do….. but it get soooooo much better with a slower paced , family first lifestyle. Whether you realize it or not, most people are spent by the end of a 8 hour workday, and they really have less to give.

Plus just preparing a proper, healthy meal takes a bit of time and effort, and so many go for the processed unhealthy food. (We even bake bread , etc….. its so much cheaper, and alot of fun.) It blows my mind how many women dont even cook or know how to. Were responsible for our family’s health, among other things. Its sad that kids only get to spend a few hours awake at home every evening, then its back to bed and school, then they turn 18 and are expected to get out. Thats not really a childhood. If you work, take 2 weeks off with your kids. Dont go on vacay, just enjoy the time at home and around town , etc…..letting the kids do whatever…. youll see the difference im speaking of.

And everyone would benefit from reading John Holts books. (whether you work, or not, and whether you homeschool or not) Its a great perpective on kids, family, life and learning. Very natural lifestyle – the way it was meant to be.

Anonymous
on June 9th, 2011

Wow…mommy guilt of being away from three small kids and working 90 hours a week of one’s own choice. Sounds like a great case of mom-me! She will regret not being there for her children some day when all the memories are of dad being there with them. Shame on angie…once again she’s proven what she’s made of. This article will go down in history as one of the biggst things that hurt her credibility. Let’s home the marrigae stays solid or the dad has a great case to keep the kids.

Rose-2
on June 9th, 2011

@Megan: 1. this is has nothing to do with gender, this has to do with people thinking it’s ridiculous for a parent to move their family so far away from their work. For you to try to make this about gender is sexist and ridiculous.

2. You really are a hypocrite. You’re on here insulting other women while lecturing us about how we “attack our own gender.” And then you go on to lecture us about how we should be taking care of our children instead of reading this site. Where are your children while you’re lecturing us about how we should spend time with ours?

doodlbeug
on June 9th, 2011

Wow, do she not have enough money???? Nothing and I mean nothing could take me away for months from my three young children. Guess priorities are different for hollywood moms. Fame and fortune are #1 with these narcistisic people.

Laura
on June 9th, 2011

really, women are absolutely disgusting when it comes to attacking their own gender – heaven forbid a woman have a job AND try to be a mother. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t, and it’s all determined by a bunch of holier-than-thou cats with their claws out. How sad.

^This is so true and unfortunate. :(

Julie
on June 9th, 2011

Not that Im a fan of Kate Gossline, but wheres the anger for this actress that works way more hours than Kate does? There are so many other celebritys other than Angie that work and are away from their children and families more than Kate and yet she gets ripped apart by everyone when shes away for a couple of days or a week. I hate that Kate is thought to be a horrible mother because she works a lot yet all these other actresses are loved by so many. Yes Kate has an attitude but that by no means makes her a bad mom. I think Angie needs to stop complaining and spend more time with her kids. And America needs to stop critizing others that they do not know.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

The defensiveness of some of the workingmom posters here speaks for itself. Being a SAHM is not just a 40 week job, its 24/7. Why have children if they spend more hours a day with someone else than they do you? Its that ‘we can have it all’ fairytale, and you cant really. I can say this because i worked harder and more hours than most people ,male or female, that I know. I also see these people that think that having date night, and shoes to match every outfit, and a ridiculously expensive car, and a house they really cant afford are necessities. People attitudes about what they ‘need’ is partially what got us in to the housing trouble a few years back.

Lots of great people grew up in cottage homes with a sahm , and a one car household. It works ! And I understand being single, and having to do what you gotta do. Just dont wish that life upon your daughter. We should be able to support ourselves, when we must….but men need to step it up and provide a home life for thier families.

I just read today about women in egypt driving. They are just doing it though theyre not supposed to. they did this in the early 90’s as well, and they got arrested and ‘fired from their jobs’. I thought what nerve! to treat these women like cattle, give them no rights, but expect them to get their @ss out there and bring in that check….. just reminds me of the bigger problem. Men who cant handle it themselves.

And when the insurance company wants $700 every 4 weeks for a totally healthy young family for health insurance, thats time to call bs. Not right , not fair, not gonna do it. And then our gov bails out the ins co’s? dont think so. If illegals get treated at the er, they can treat me. My cash money should be good. Thats not an excuse to leave your kids….to provide insurance. Get rid of 1 of your 2 cars, and let daddy handle his responsibilities.

Steph
on June 9th, 2011

Umm… Charlotte is the #1 most dangerous city in NC, and it does NOT have “fantastic” schools. The school system in NC is terrible! It is MUCH better in California. Sorry, but she deserves this guilt. She needs to be with her children. Move them to LA if you can’t live in NC, Angie.

Kasey
on June 9th, 2011

I’m just saying there’s guilt and there’s a conscience. Spending 90 hrs a week away from three young children who need their mom…that’s called your conscience making you feel that way. Not some unwarranted sense of guilt. You can try to compartmentalize it all you want but as long as you have a heart, it’s going to know that that is wrong. My dad always said in his best godfather voice, “you makes your choices and you pays your prices.” That show will get cancelled in a couple season and she’ll have lost valuable time.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

I knew of a woman who couldnt have kids. She tried for years. Finally she got preg in her 40’s after a ton of money and treatments. She had the baby, got a nanny, and 6 weeks later went back to her fulltime job. There are 2 types of moms…ones who will think ‘thats terrible and selfish- why bring a kid into the world and let someone else raise it’, and those who think thats ok. While i did work when mine were little, i regret it and cant get it back. Looking back, it made me feel powerful and inportant to make alot of money, and i can see where ego starts to play in. Some people judge themselves by the crap that they own, and who they think they are in the community. Its all ego. (and giving that up is freeing.)

The working moms who judge here really shouldnt……it takes a big person to say no to money and yes to family. And giving up the fake fingernails, and tanning sessions, and 2nd car(start sharing a vehicle w the hubs( which is better for the environment anyway) is a small sacrifice most moms are willing to make.

Now there are moms who arent really maternal, and prob shouldnt be home w their kids alot. I get that. My sister is a sweetie, but she is an extrovert, a social butterfly. She cant stay home to save her life. She skims the surface of life w her kids beacause they are just on a schedule at this point. Constantly running. Its sad. They say ‘still waters run deep’. If you want your family to have a little ‘depth’, gotta slow it down, and get back to basics.

MsLady
on June 9th, 2011

You ladies slash mothersssss need to quit! some of these comments on Angie Harmon are just down right rediculous!

mom
on June 9th, 2011

Kids arent accessories. Its sad to see these women that treat them like they are. Were not having a people shortage. I think if you cant really strip down the unecessary in your life to be there more for your kids, you shouldnt have them. If your man expects you to work so he can: have money to spend on boys night, boats, football, beer, car races,motorcycles, junker cars to tinker on in the yard, etc……tell him to forget it, or get out.

I know a couple that have 1 kid from her prev relatiionship….they didnt have more because ‘they wouldnt have money for their toys’ (the adults toys that is- matching mustangs, trucks, etc ) They both work and have 1 lonely kid…. but their soooo cool. How many people do you know that ‘have to work’ (both parties) but waste the money. How many couples both work in the name of ‘need to’, but live this type of lifestyle. They are the ones that need to learn about sacrifice and values.

Charisma
on June 9th, 2011

Wow. Somebody posting on this article sure is a self-righteous blowhard.

Mary
on June 9th, 2011

Um, we all DO NOT have mommy guilt…….

mom
on June 9th, 2011

‘Um, we all DO NOT have mommy guilt…….’
—————————————-

I bet its nice to be able to work ft without the stress and guilt. The last time I truly enjoyed work was pre-kids. After that I just couldnt bear seeing mine cry every time the beeper went off, and I had this feeling that I wasnt handling my responsibilities as a mother by not pyhsically being there.

Were just not the type to leave our kids. We never ever got a sitter (just gma if needed) and we dont enjoy going out, etc….. but all people are different. We all know someone who ‘cant wait for xmas break to be over so the kids will go back to school’. Even the walmart back to school ad one year had the dad skipping down the aisle throwing school supplies in the basket, all happy, as the kids drug along behind. Kinda funny, but really mostly SAD.

Rose-2
on June 9th, 2011

@Mom: Since you seem to have SO much to say on the subject of how children should be raised, maybe you should go write a book or a blog about it and give it a rest here in the comments section. I’m getting tired of having to scroll past your 15,000 novel-length posts where you are basically saying the same thing over and over again.

Beth C.
on June 9th, 2011

My working mommy friends and I call the guilt FOG – Forgetting Our Greatness! We all try to stay out of the FOG but it still sucks us in every now and then.

Don’t FOG!!! You are a strong woman showing your daughters they can do anything! You’ve got a good husband to help you who supports your dreams!

Keep being the best mom you know how to be!!

mom
on June 9th, 2011

hey rose 2- sorry you’re tired. just trying to put something out there that might positively affect 1 person. Ive been in that boat. Someday I might write a book. Today Im just making a few statements here. Most working moms dont have time to read books, just skim the people website. This is a topic near and dear to my heart, and if something i say helps 1 mom better her homelife then my novel length posts were worth it. ;)

jean
on June 9th, 2011

If she misses her family so much.. why not “downsize” their lifestyle and stay at home.. she has the choice.. not many other working moms do…

momofthree
on June 9th, 2011

Just so you know “mom” – I do not have fake fingernails, nor do I go tanning. In fact, I spend very little money on myself. I do not work for the money and all the material possessions it might afford me. In fact, it’s none of your business why I work, I just do.

AND I have three, wonderful smart well-adjusted children. They love me, they trust me and they know I will always be there for them. I help them with their homework and I listen to their problems, just like any other Mom. Sometimes I have time to make a fresh, home cooked meal, and sometimes we order pizza. Sometimes I make it to their classroom, and sometimes I don’t. They don’t think of me as a working Mom, they just think of me as THEIR Mom.They know I would do anything for them, support them no matter what and love them “to the moon and back”. Isn’t that what it is all about?

Flipper
on June 9th, 2011

im a SAHM that works just as hard if NOT HARDER being one, i think its the same old same old here that we sit around all day eating bonbons and watching soap operas, what a shame……..btw i work from home too around my childrens schedule ……

AnnieK
on June 9th, 2011

I quit a demanding full-time job to be home when my children were younger. Now that they are older, 16, 13, and 11, I work in a school part-time. For me, no amount of money or recognition is worth missing this time with my children. It goes by so quickly, and I will have plenty of time to focus on career later!

M
on June 9th, 2011

She should be thankful for what she has….alot of other people have it alot worse. I would love to be in her shoes…she has so many options open to her.

elby
on June 9th, 2011

@Mom……argh, SAHM’s like you drive other SAHM’s (like me) CRAZY. You give us such a bad rap with you snotty judgemental know it all comments. Some moms do paid work FT, some moms do paid work PT, some moms are (sadly unpaid, lol) SAHM’s. Some moms suck terribly, some moms are ok, and some moms are great. And there is NO direct correlation between those categories. None at all.

@ anyone who says just talking about the downsides of the choices we make, is being whiny….seriously, get a grip. Are you claiming that the instant you make a choice/decision, you NEVER talk about how it has downsides. People talk — we talk about the things we like and the things we don’t like. We talk about the good aspects of our choices, and the bad aspects. As far as I’m concerned, its the people who act like their choices have no downsides and act like everything is peachy-perfect who worry me (@Mom, I’m giving you the side-eye).

mom
on June 9th, 2011

MOM of 3 – I worked for 20 years, and Ive gotten to stay at home for a while now. Ive seen it from both sides. I am just giving my experience for those who are in a similar boat. You don’t seem to have to guilt or issues being away from your family. Thats great! good for you. But we all know people who are crappy parents, and work fulltime because they ‘NEED’ to, when really they just WANT to. for whatever reason.

If your child never knows anything but a working mom, theyll never know what theyre missing. If you always work when your kids are under 18, you wont ever know what youre missing. If you dont mind, thats great……. but alot of people like Angie Harmon apparantly have issues and struggles internally about it. If you dont – Great.

Just saying to those who are on the fence, or the crazy lifestyle isnt working for……that it is possible to live the good life on one income.

MomofThree
on June 9th, 2011

Unfortunately, this parenting gig doesn’t come w/ a handbook and it certainly doesn’t get done w/o a fair share of mistakes along the way. Having an opinion as to how parenting should be done is merely that, an opinion. Casting criticism and judgment on families who might not share your same opinion (regardless what it is) is ridiculous. I’m fairly certain if that parenting handbook existed, there’d be a huge caution against judging fellow parents simply because they don’t share your opinions…

mom
on June 9th, 2011

”im a SAHM that works just as hard if NOT HARDER being one, i think its the same old same old here that we sit around all day eating bonbons and watching soap operas, what a shame……..”
————————————————————-

Youre right, it is the same old same old. Running a household properly is a serious feat. We had a horrible quality of life when i worked although I made alot of money. Having time is way more valuable than money. I personally traded $65 k a year for an organic garden, and the goodlife.

Most people, esp those who work fulltime outside the home , wouldnt know a quality homelife if it bit them in the …… I have been there, you just cant have it both ways.

You called me out, not the other way around. I wasnt posting specifically to anyone here, esp you. dont judge me for being a SAHM, or for my opinion.

momofthree
on June 9th, 2011

Hey, there are two momofthrees out here. One with caps and one without. Although I do agree with the other MomofThree, too – LOL.

I was just trying to point out that regardless of our choices, our children are what matters. It doesn’t matter whether a Mom wants to work or needs to work. Nor does it matter if a Mom chooses to stay home. There is no right or wrong here. No need to judge. What I do works for me and my family and hopefully, what you all do, works for you and your families.

And lets be honest, if there are crappy Moms (although, again, that seems a tad bit judgemental)there are probably just as many crappy stay at home Moms as there are Working moms ( and I hate the term working Moms because I DO understand that SAHM work hard, too).

Elby – I love what you said about the types of Moms and there being no correlation. They just are the kind of Mom they are, regardless of their choices. I wish we were neighbors:)

Indira
on June 9th, 2011

Mommy guilt is a crock of poo if you ask me(you didn’t but let’s pretend). I don’t understand this idea that you’re supposed to spend every.waking.moment.with.your.kids. I’m not a mom, not yet but I don’t understand why mothers are expected to have “mommy guilt” while fathers who generally spend less time with the kids do not have that expectation.
A mother can spend every waking moment with her child but it’s for naught if there isn’t any quality to the time they spend. In short a mom shouldn’t feel guilty at all for working outside or doing things outside the home sans children. I wish I could pinpoint when helicopter parenting became the norm. It’s sad because it appears to be causing mass anguish.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

its the people who act like their choices have no downsides and act like everything is peachy-perfect who worry me (@Mom, I’m giving you the side-eye).
———————————————————— :) were on a blog. hope you dont seriously think you know how i act based on some statements. (that are pro-staying at home with your kids if you want to but think you cant afford it.) I mentioned in a prev post how some people arent maternal, and shouldnt be at home w their kids, or the ones who cant stand to be around them. But there are good loving parents out there who both work and have guilt, and would dream of staying home w their kids, and im saying TO THEM that reprioritizing worked for us really well, and it is possible.

Yeah, sometimes people dont like it when others are happy, or have a good life. pretty sad, huh. Life is VERY peachy. :)

C
on June 9th, 2011

First of all, I really like Rizzoli and Isles so this is not about me disliking these two actresses. However, I really don’t have too much sympathy in this case. This show ran 2-3 months a last year and only once a week. It appears that the rest of the year she is able to be a stay at home mom. How many women would like to work maybe 2-3 months a year and then stay with their kids the rest of the time? Seems like 90 hours a week for a few months is a deal that many of us would like to have.

Toya L.
on June 9th, 2011

@mom- with ALL your lengthy posts aren’t you missing some of your children’s milestones? – being a SAHP doesn’t automatically equal a great hands on, attentive, always there for their child type of parent.

bpk
on June 9th, 2011

Priorities, priorities….. Children grow up fast Angie. Your career can be put on hold.

Sage
on June 9th, 2011

I’m sorry but some of you judgmental liberals on this site are making me laugh. I looked at this article yesterday and said this post is going to be a wank and there will be so much bashing going on. LOL

It kills me that I know for a fact that some of you are running your self-righteous, perfect, holy mouths is because she is a conservative. I think one of you even grouped conservatives as being full if Shit (Hey MIMI). It makes me laugh when I hear democrats are so open and accepting… I am an independent before some of you come at me.

Like really….no wonder people can’t get along. Before looking at anyone’s situation, background, or having empathy that someone may feel guilt about doing what they love, trying to balance family, marriage, money…we look at their freaking political association before we decided hear them or not.

This could have been a great discussion on how working mother’s balance…but of course not we have to pull each others hair out. Women hate each other its a FACT.

I’m sorry but some of you bitches need to sit down and step away.

Stella Bella
on June 9th, 2011

I never understood all those folks who hate this woman… Until this article. Seriously, you made your bed lady. Lay in it and quit bellyaching!

kmb
on June 9th, 2011

I always love it when SAHMs say they “work hard if not HARDER”…I have a FT job outside the home, always have, probably always will. The reasons don’t matter because it’s noone else’s business. But I do all the same things a SAHM does plus I work 8+ hours a day. My daughter has always been a well-adjusted, well-behaved, happy child. I may not be able to spend as many hours with her that SAHMs get to spend with their kids, but the time we do have together is special. Do I miss her when I’m at work? Of course. But I hate it when SAHMs talk about the huge sacrifices they made and how precious the time is and whatnot. Being a working mom means sacrifices too and I’m tired of women judging each other for the choices they make. Every woman is different, every mom is different, every family is different. How about we start supporting each other NO MATTER WHAT and stop judging one another.

mg
on June 9th, 2011

Uhm…looks like she created this situation. So what is the boo-hooing all about? Gimme a break. I can’t stand this chick.

Anonymous
on June 9th, 2011

In my past I’ve run into a horrible woman who was so judgmental and jealous that I got to stay home with my kids. She said I didn’t deserve a vacation because I was at home all day. I think it doesn’t matter if you work or if you stay at home-some people are just a***oles! Every mom knows what works best for their family. Let’s try not to judge everyone so harshly.

Erika
on June 9th, 2011

Well I don’t have kids yet, but I have to say, I really admire working mothers, like my own was. She worked harder than anyone and still managed to do more with us kids than any of the stay at home moms in our neighborhood did with theirs. I truly had the BEST childhood- she worked part time (mornings, about 3x a week) when we were little and worked more when we were in elementary school (leaving right after we got on the bus, coming home before we returned) and then worked a lot when I was in high school. Honestly, I feel like it was perfect, as I saw her plenty, but got to be around others. I was never in daycare (my mother opposed it) so on the mornings she worked, I would go to my grandparents’ houses (we alternated between grandparents), and stay with my dad on his days off. I grew up with a close relationship with ALL of them.

My memories of my childhood are filled with so much fun. My mom did tons of games/projects/trips with me, my dad made me laugh so hard and my grandparents spoiled me rotten! I would definitely say it was a very ideal situation (at least for me). Honestly, sometimes it pains me how much I would love to relive those first 5 years of my life. I loved it so much and miss it every day. I plan on having kids (once I get married) and I wouldn’t want anything different for them. If I can, I will stay home as it seems easier than shifting between work and home, but I am VERY open minded about both stay at home and working mothers. But I can tell working moms not to feel too much guilt because your kids will be fine and will hopefully remember their childhood with the same fondness that I remember mine! Bottom line: I don’t see anything wrong with working, I actually think it can be better for the kids!

and to ‘mom’- My mother and I are VERY close and I do believe that we have relationshop of such ‘depth’ as a stay at home mom would with her grown childhood. We might even have a closer bond because I spent some hours away from her during childhood.

Anonymous
on June 9th, 2011

Angie feels guilty because she realizes that children need their mother.

meghan
on June 9th, 2011

Sage, why are you bringing up politics? You don’t have to be a liberal to find Angie Harmon to be an off putting phony.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

Its a simple choice. Money or time with your kids.

meghan
on June 9th, 2011

Stop trying to make this a battle between stay at home and working moms. It isn’t. This is about a financially stable woman who accepted a job thousands of miles away from her home and they says she’s a mess because of it. It’s not like she was deployed overseas, this situation was completely within her control. She created this situation and no, she doesn’t get to turn around and complain about how hard it is now.

Jessica
on June 9th, 2011

Youre right, it is the same old same old. Running a household properly is a serious feat. We had a horrible quality of life when i worked although I made alot of money. Having time is way more valuable than money. I personally traded $65 k a year for an organic garden, and the goodlife.

Most people, esp those who work fulltime outside the home , wouldnt know a quality homelife if it bit them in the …… I have been there, you just cant have it both ways

********************************************************************

Maybe you arn’t smart enought have it both ways, but some can. Don’t lump everyone in the same category. I work FT and get off by 4 everyday. My house is spotless, my kids all do sports (3 kids playing sports) and I don’t miss a single game or practice. I cook everyday and have a garden. My kids stay with my mother in law while I’m at work or my husband because he works a so many days on so many days off schedule. Do I feel guilty about working…NO. I work to help my husband provide all we want for our kids (private education, trips, ect) I don’t want him working 60+ hours a week like I see alot of dads do so the mom can stay at home. His time with our family is just as valuable as mine. I don’t deserve to be with our children more because I’m Mommy!!!

Macy
on June 9th, 2011

She should feel guilty for giving all her 3 daughters BOY names. That’s for sure.

we’ve all been there w 3 kids all in sports. practices 4 nights a week during dinner, and 3 games on sat. There came a time in our life that they didnt want the hectic schedule. If my kids were in public school, i can see getting a job to make extra income while they were away, but my previous ‘job’ was a career, not a job. I had patients to see, and was on call 7 days a week, 24/7 for years , etc….Not a job that could be done halfway.

Gaia and labans mom
on June 9th, 2011

For some work is more than just a paycheck. I love my career. I WANT to work. For Angie, I assume that her reason for leaving her kids is to fulfil her passion. Its her choice yes, but doing what feels right for you isn’t always easy. I feel sort of bad for the mother’s who suggest that because she’s wealthy she should stop working. Obviously they’ve never had a job they absolutely LOVED.

As someone else said we need to put an end to parental guilt. My husband travels for work and suffers when he misses something our son or daughter does. I always have to remind him that its okay; its healthy to have something outside your babes. In some cultures kids are little adults from the time they can walk and speak! We in the states seem to believe in losing ourselves in our kids until they turn eighteen. Then we wake up and don’t even recognize who we’ve become!

Gaia and labans mom
on June 9th, 2011

Some of us need more than an organic garden and don’t believe in home schooling! Mom…you should respect that others may be better at maintaining a balance.

cn tower
on June 9th, 2011

I agree with those who have said that her choice to re-locate seems a bit extreme, but as I understand it, her hubby is at home with the kids and not working. It would be a different scenario if he was working 60-80 hours a week and the kids were being raised by nannies.

I also noticed Matt Damon’s name mentioned and comparisons being drawn between him and Angie. Even if we pretend for a moment that Damon is a woman, there is no comparison between the two. Damon is an A-list movie star who carries a lot of weight in the industry and has a say in when and where his projects are filmed (within reason). If it’s not convenient for him at a particular time, I’ve heard of directors waiting until it does work for him. Angie doesn’t have the same choices and flexibility that Damon would have as she is not in the same league. If a project is offered to her, she has bills to pay and will probably accommodate the studio’s needs (not the other way around).

Rose-2
on June 9th, 2011

@Sage: None of the people who have a problem with Angie have stated their political affiliation (with the exception of one person who made it clear what her affiliation is by bashing convservatives.) The rest of us have said nothing on that subject, and so you’re making yourself look foolish by claiming that all of us who have a problem with her are liberal. I am not a liberal, and I find Angie’s choice appalling.

Sage
on June 9th, 2011

Meghan who gave you the right to say what people should or shouldn’t complain about. I mean when did sharing your feeling about simply missing your kids, warrant someone to be labled a phony

I personally think she shouldn’t feel guilt. She is doing what she loves, gets to spend more time with her kids than most working moms when on hiatus, has a husband who is bonding with his girls, has a hit tv and is successful. Plus you are securing your girls financial future. Angie Girl, I would be doing a happy dance everyday I get up.

But I understand as a mom when your baby girl is telling you she miss you, it gets hard cause you want to cover her with kisses.

Sage
on June 9th, 2011

Rose-2- I am sorry if my comment came across as calling everyone on this board liberal. I guess in the pass Angie Harmon posts it was very clear which political side some people were on. So I guess this is why I wasn’t so surprised by the number of comments on this thread. I mean 100 plus comments… I didn’t think Melissa Joan Hart had anywhere near as much comments when she said the same damn thing awhile back, or Jessica Capshaw, or Jennifer Garner etc….

Jen DC
on June 9th, 2011

@ Sage: Meghan got her direction from the same person who gave you the right to label everyone who dislikes the whining Angie Harmon is doing here a “liberal.”

I’m a liberal and not ashamed of it. I don’t have a problem with Angie Harmon because she’s conservative; I get irritated with ANYONE who has a problem they can fix, but don’t, and still complains about it. “FIX IT or shut up” is basically my philosophy. It’s asinine and people – and in my experience, especially women – do it all the time.

@ Mom: I find your POV interesting and compelling. Living smaller but better is totally doable. But the American marketing machine lulls many, many folk into believing that it is not.

Fiona
on June 9th, 2011

Mom, Seriously? Self-riteous much? It’s just a matter of “reprioritizing”? If only it were that simple. It’s not always only about the of money. I make a higher salary than my husband (who also does well), but I also carry the health insurance. What would you suggest? That I either be an incredibly irresponsible parent and go without health insurance OR go on welfare to get it. Sorry, but that’s not the kind of example I’d set for my kids. I prefer to teach them to work hard in life and get along for themselves. Thanks for sermon, though.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

For some work is more than just a paycheck. I love my career. I WANT to work. For Angie, I assume that her reason for leaving her kids is to fulfil her passion. Its her choice yes, but doing what feels right for you isn’t always easy. I feel sort of bad for the mother’s who suggest that because she’s wealthy she should stop working. Obviously they’ve never had a job they absolutely LOVED.
——————————————————————–

And for some having kids is more than just giving birth to them and handing them over to the pschools at age 4 to let someone else educate them. Alot of people who choose to give up a career , really LOVED their jobs. Its just some give that up because they really love thier kids more. People should do what they feel is best. Dont need moms at home withing they were elsewhere, doing other things. Being at home w your kids means being there emotionally , and being happy around them. If a person loves their career and doesnt want to give it up ,thats great. They should def stay working.

You have to WANT to be a sahm, and enjoy it. For us living in the country finally and being green and self sustainable was important. Thats just what were into. Might not be for you or your family. But for some that are miserable working,just staying home and doing with less, or shifting expenses around can be a blessing.

Read an article in Parenting mag 15 years ago about this same thing. The family decided to have the mom stay at home after years of working, and they moved and downsized and made it work, and were really happy.

It is for everyone? no. But there are alot of people who love it and wouldnt have it any other way. If its not for you , no need to critique it. And we dont believe in ‘school at home’ either. Read John Holt if you want to understand homeschooling/lifelearning. There are more adults with college degrees that homeschool their kids, than public school parents with degrees. Why do you think the smartest adults choose to bypass public ed? Even the valdectorian/now physician from my old highschool homeschools his kids. (i would have entirely hschooled mine, BUT i was busy working …. so they went to pschool for a while, and they have seen it from both sides, and wouldnt change a thing)

Not asking if its for you, Gaia and Labons Mom, dont really care. Just putting it out there that this is what we did, and its worked for us. For those who have been thinking about making a change. :)

We believe in a very balanced, spherical life…..thats why I no longer work for anyone else( we have a family business that the kids and i help with ), and why we unschool. and garden,and cook, and volunteer, and travel,and build homes, and experiment, and make art, and play music, and just hang out and love life. to list just a few………

mom
on June 9th, 2011

It’s just a matter of “reprioritizing”?
——————————————–
yes. it was for us anyway.

i worked at a hospital for 20 years and they didnt offer free health insurance. you can get insurance elsewhere if you truly wanted to. Also by not fighting the bs insurance rates, and the health insurance situation in general , you are enabling it. Trust me, Ive seen first hand the fraud and waste in the med community. Worked at the ‘good ol boy’ county hosp since 1989. Not pretty, or legal really.

The point is where there is a will, there is a way. those who want to make it happen , will and do.

Gaia and labans mom
on June 9th, 2011

Neither one of my kids is in day care. You say “people should do what they feel is best” but, thats not what the rest of your posts say. I’m not critiquing sahm parenting. I think there are pros and cons to both. My point was there is no reason for any parent to feel guilty about doing something for themselves. There’s more than one way to parent a child and we shouldn’t forget that.

Why are you equating educational background with intelligence? If your statistic is true there are mulitple explanations for its burgeoning popularity, traditional school house learning is the global standard; I’m not arguing that its the best choice either.

It sounds like you are living the life you want to live and that’s great. Its unfortunate it took you twenty years to figure out that downsizing could lead to happiness. Perhaps you’re trying to save other moms on here some time but, you just seem trite and ironically very discontent.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

That I either be an incredibly irresponsible parent and go without health insurance OR go on welfare to get it.
—————————————————————-

Be careful no to be one of those people who mistakes having health insurance with being healthy. I laugh at those moms who work to provide health insurance and get home tired and late and feed their family crap for dinner.

I cook from scratch, and it takes time and prep. Bread cost pennies to make, just takes a little time. Amazing how great an italian heirloom tomato grown organically tastes, compared to the ones at the grocery. Cant find organic heirloom tomatoes, and they cost twice as much if you do. I want my kids to know where there food comes from, nutrition, and how to feed their own families (and what a REAL tomato tastes like)…… plus they really enjoy watching it all grow. Most poor people eat meat, dairy, sugar, processed foods, white flour, etc…..The things we are not supposed to eat to be healthy. then they need welfare or health insurance because they are unhealthy. And they have taken home economics out of the schools, and dont really cover nutrition……so people are clueless about how to take care of a home and themselves.

Its literally been YEARS since one of my kids, threw up or got sick. (they arent around other kids every day) Healthy people dont require that much medical attention.
After spending 20 years working at the hosp, in a critical area(cardiology/radiology), and spending the last moments with many people, and the rest were ER dire emergency type situations….. you notice something about people. Most of them were older, but not all …. What ive taken from all those great people is that life is too short, dont wait to live it. For me it meant , putting my kids first.

You hear these working moms, cooking every day, kids practice every day, homework together, plus a full 8 hours at the ofc. but I lived it , and it doesnt really go down like that. ;)
It may seem simple, but it really is the little things that matter and make a difference. Having time and being there for the little things in life are whats important to me.

Jen DC- I don’t see it as a problem or her crying about it. I see as someone voicing a feeling about the balancing act and how she feels. The thing is a lot of working women do feel that way and I think it’s a validate feeling, instead of just telling them to shut up about.

What is wrong with a woman saying that I work, I miss my kids, I feel a bit guilt about not being with them at times, but I love what I do?? Yeah she sounds like a real jerk here(roll eyes)

mom
on June 9th, 2011

Its unfortunate it took you twenty years to figure out that downsizing could lead to happiness
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yes it is, but i bought into the ‘you can have it all’ bit being sold by other working moms. I also started working very young and was pulling call,carrying a beeper at age 20. Not out partying, etc….. and I didnt have a family yet. I worked for 11 years after my first baby. If i’d have know about John Holt when id had the babies, Id have made plans to stay home from the begininning.

If i worked at the mall, or was a receptionist….. who knows maybe id have thought life was ok too, and not made a change. (doubt it) My job just made everything more difficult.

Thats why i posted here today. I never blog, but this article touched upon something, and I wanted the moms who feel uneasy dumping the kids off elsewhere every day, or unfulfilled working ftime, that their is another lifestyle out there…..

Nice to have a choice.

K.W.
on June 9th, 2011

She is totally choosing to work and to work these hours..so I”m sorry, she should feel guilty. You can’t be a mom and not be in the picture. Not like she needs the money here…just the self fulfillment of her own ego. She is missing out on things that she will never, ever be able to get back – There are moms out there working two jobs because they have to – not sure where Angie’s priorities are here..

Indira
on June 9th, 2011

Unschooling is a pile of anarchistic nonsense spouted from a bunch of people who’ve taken their own intellectual development(generally in structured environments) for granted.

I’m begging you “mom” spare us posters the Earth Mother nonsense, ride home on your solar powered moped and take care of the children that you QUIT YOUR JOB FOR.

Fiona
on June 9th, 2011

Mom, I don’t think I’ve ever heard more sanctimonious crap from anyone ever. I, too, work in the health care field. I know how it works. Fraud, all that stuff…but that’s not what this is about. Healthy people actually get sick. Accidents do happen. And I never said having health insurance makes you healthy. Not so sure what lines you read to infer that. And spare me the green crap.

Hope you don’t fall off that high horse of yours and *gasp* hurt yourself and need health insurance. Now I’m off to burn some tires in my backyard…

mom
on June 9th, 2011

The thing is a lot of working women do feel that way and I think it’s a validate feeling, instead of just telling them to shut up about.
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That should tell you something. That alot of working women feel that way. Noone told them to shut up about it…quite the opposite….by saying ‘oh yeah, i feel bad about that too, glad im not alone” and then continuing on ignoring your inner voice – thats telling yourself to shut up about it.

Why someone else realizing they are making a mistake , makes you fell less bad about making the same mistake…. i dont know. Seems like the more moms with these feeling, the more these feelings need to be addresses.

I see the articles about these celebs taking their 2 yold to ‘school’, and i just laugh. These people have no clue.

And to me it sends the wrong message to all these ‘teenage moms’, etc… If these moms thought theyd have to stay home and cook and clean and really raise their kids, they prob wouldnt have them. Its just like a puppy you can dress up to some. But we tell them they can have it all, and create this illusion.

who knows people would prob stay in marriages more and ‘work it out’ if more moms were comfortable depending on daddy for things.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

Unschooling is a pile of anarchistic nonsense spouted from a bunch of people who’ve taken their own intellectual development(generally in structured environments) for granted.
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no – youre just not smart enough to get it. Keep yours in public school, for their sake.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

Hope you don’t fall off that high horse of yours and *gasp* hurt yourself and need health insurance.
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this line……… if i fall of my high horse ill need health care, not health insurance. Theres a big difference.

Indira
on June 9th, 2011

no – youre just not smart enough to get it. Keep yours in public school, for their sake.
_________________________

Its funny that you’re try to quantify my intelligence. Guess you can take the girl out the school but you cannot take the school out the girl ;)

Erika
on June 9th, 2011

I agree with Indira. I think unschooling is a ridiculous concept. Sure, life experience is necessary, but I know I learned a lot about life through waking up every morning, getting myself out of the house on time and having to interact with different people. I would think an unschooled child would have a hard time getting into college, because you just don’t learn chemistry, trigonometry, physics etc on the same level. I do hope that these unschooling parents intend to send their children to college, because college is necessary if you want to actually get a job and support yourself in the real world. You may have all the ‘life experience’ in the world, but if you don’t get a college degree, it can be VERY difficult to pursue a career, and in order to get that college degree, you need to have learned something other than life experience. Now homeschooling I can see working out. If the parents handle it well, homeschooled kids won’t have a problem. But unschooling? Sorry, I just don’t see how it can work.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

Why are you equating educational background with intelligence?
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because society tells us that more school is better. and these people have gone the furthest in their education, and they are saying ‘NO – more school is not better’. They know what it really means to be educated. and where they got most of their true knowledge. Honestly most kids could hschool, and then go to college or a program to learn their ‘job’. thats how it is anyway. Yes i needed to know how to read and write, but i honestly learned evertyhing i needed to perform my job, after i graduated high school, during my training.

Theyre was a great valdectorian speec this past year by a girl, that got up and slammed the public school system(compulsory schooling), even though she excelled and was top student. She talked about how she jumped through all the hoops, and succeeded by the schools and societies standards, but not to her own. She said that she would have been better off getting to know herself, and her true interests, and passions….if she had homeschooled like her friends. That she would have had the freedom to really explore life before being thrust out in it. and that her grades meant nothing, because she was already behind her homeschooled friends.

There was a quote about kids…..we’re so busy preparing them for tomorrow that we forget they are someone today.

Gaia and labans mom
on June 9th, 2011

I don’t know any mom’s saying, you can have it all. I don’t know what all is. Thats a metaphysical concept and ive always viewed motherhood pragmatically. Mother’s have always had husbands, children and work outside the home. Sahm is anew phenomenon.

I agree with Erika. I’m an academic and unschooling makes me cringe. If you want to be a member of society who works and makes a living, you have to work on that society’s measuring stick. It would be easier for a traditionally educated child to rebuke mainstream living than for a unschool child to enter. It is such a bad idea and IMO reckless parenting, turning a child’s future into a statement.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

Now homeschooling I can see working out. If the parents handle it well, homeschooled kids won’t have a problem. But unschooling? Sorry, I just don’t see how it can work.
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think you have the wrong idea about it. :) Studies show that kids that are more in charge of theier education do better. unschooling is just that we dont get up at 7 am and limit their exposure to what the state dictates. They learn about things just like they would if they were an adult. my son built a computer with no classes or books on the topic. We do have bookshelves full of books on every topic, esp those i feel are inportant that the schools dont teach. If they wanna take a college course on something during teen years ,they can. Its just natural learning, that wont change as they get older. Its building the skills to know how to learn whatever might come up. Its finding waht interests them and pursuing it as much as they want. My kids all have computers, etc…. and go circles around their public schooled cousins.

The socialization thing is a joke…..only in public school will you be surrounded by those only in your peer group. Thats not reality at all. Homeschooled kids are around those of all ages, and out in the community. They are not stuck in a bldg 40 hours a week. There are all kids of studies on the negative social effects of pschool on kids, too. Mine dont conform to the next kid, and thats nice.

Rose-2
on June 9th, 2011

@Sage: I have read all the past comments about Angie Harmon articles, and no it was never clear that people were making their comments based on political views. People were irritated because Angie kept making rude, self-righteous, ignorant comments about how Southerners are more moral and virtuous than those who live in California. She deserved every bit of criticism she received for those remarks.

mom
on June 9th, 2011

Sahm is anew phenomenon
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uh no……its the original way it was done. Most women didnt work outside the home 60 years ago. Esp not 600 years ago. Holts books and others talk about the effects on society of having 100 + years of compulsory schooling. compulsory school was originally formed in the 1850’s , by a german, and was to ‘make better workers’. (industrial age) there is another book called ‘DUMBING US DOWN’ by john taylor gatto (former educator). Lots of former educators that are prohomeschooling, pro john holt.

Im an academic too. Thats how i came to read John Holts Books, among others on the topic. I learned more about the public school system, and the history of it, etc……… The kids are not limited by public school curriculum. theirs goes further, and more spherically.

Erika
on June 9th, 2011

‘mom’- I’m sorry but I just think that real school gives better life experience for the workforce. Sure you don’t make them get up at 7am, but when they have a job as adults, they may very likely have to get up early. If your son can program a computer at a young age, that is great, but it is still very unlikely to get a job, especially a high paying one, without a college degree. And while kids may only socialize with kids in their general age group during school, it is best for learning, in my experience. If you have a 1st grader and a 12th grader in the same classroom, what will they learn academically? School is approximately 30 hours a week, so I feel that kids do have plenty of time to interact with people of different ages. I’m glad unschooling works for your family, but I just don’t think it would work for the majority.

Gaia and labans mom
on June 9th, 2011

Uh no. Utterly false. I teach a class on gender myths and that’s one of the biggest fallacies out there. Western women outside of the wealthy classes have always worked and brought in income. A stay at home mom does not work in the sense of generating income. Working inside the home, outside the home, to bring money to the household is still a working mother. So my statement remains. you are NOT academic, you are raising your kids to be the opposite of an academic as you do not believe in the institution.

Also, stop using homeschooling and unschooling interchangeably. I have lectured homeschooled students before but I doubt most unschooled children could handle the stress and structure of college. Or at least any class Ive taught.

Lauren
on June 9th, 2011

Is anyone else wondering what in the world mom’s children are doing while she sits here writing War and Peace?

Charismaga
on June 9th, 2011

Well said Raine! It sounds like Angie Harmon is an excellent mother. Thanks for the background info on all of that.

RKF
on June 9th, 2011

CB – Well, thank you! Whether I’m eaten alive or not (which does happens on here), I can’t help but comment on certain issues. I’m glad to see someone else understands where I’m coming from!

Jenny, theDIYparent
on June 10th, 2011

While I understand many mothers are at a point in their lives financially that they have to work, not all mothers have to work but they choose to. Choosing to work and then beating yourself up over your mommy guilt seems silly to me. If you can afford it, I firmly believe you should stay home and be with your children. They’re only young once and the early years are so important!

Jillian
on June 11th, 2011

@Sage: I have read all the past comments about Angie Harmon articles, and no it was never clear that people were making their comments based on political views. People were irritated because Angie kept making rude, self-righteous, ignorant comments about how Southerners are more moral and virtuous than those who live in California. She deserved every bit of criticism she received for those remarks. —-rose2

Exactly! I was the biggest fan of hers until all of this started with Angie awhile back. After that, I stopped watching her show and am no longer a fan. Sage, you look quite silly now and blasted ppl for no reason.

And shocking!! Macys comment had to do with the names…..and she did not like them….eye rolls….

Tricia
on June 11th, 2011

Sounds like she’s probably trying to be like your “average mom” in an interview. However, if she’s at all sincere, she might re-consider her priorities. My guess is that she and her spouse have enough resources for her to scale down her occupational demands.

L
on June 13th, 2011

The whole article is such a farce. It makes me sick!! My child went to school with her two oldest daughters for 2 years and she was never around for any of the class parties, field trips, get togethers or teacher gifts. She never made any attempt to make friends or be a part of the very small school where everyone else were friends. She didn’t even let her kids go to birthday parties. (she didn’t even have the courtesy to respond to invites). In all of our eyes she was the most absentee parent of all the kids and we felt sorry for her daughters. That is probably why her daughter had a harder time in LA. Thank God for her husband, at least he would come on field trips and show up every once in a while. He even brought the kids to school. Our area has a significant amount of celebrity families that are a lot more recognizable than her and most of them go over the top and are amazing. With what I have witnessed she probably moved so that she would have a good excuse to not be with them. By the way, I was also a fan of her on Law and Order. Now I just think she is the biggest hypocrit I have ever encountered.

Linda Lawton
on August 2nd, 2011

Go home to your children; you can be famous after you know you have done the “right thing” as a mother.

Sunny
on December 10th, 2011

I read what most of you self absorbed people wrote. What I see are bunch of ignorant comments about working mothers. You have to be SAHM because you have no skills an employer would pay you for…..