I divide my time between a flat in the city and a house outside a neigbouring town.

In both places I absolutely definitely always keep my mobile charging by the bed. I would call the police first whatever else happened.

In my house I keep a pickaxe handle by the bed. The house is fairly remote so if anyone really was in the house I would advance to the top of the stairs and smash their teeth in if they tried to come up.

In my flat I don't keep any weapons - I have a fairly new and sturdy door like most flats here - I once heard a story of a woman who was trapped in a flat which was on fire and it took her son and husband 30 minutes to break a similar door down.

So I make sure I always know where at least one set of keys is just in case.

If anyone broke into my flat it would most likely be a fireman intent on rescuing us all while we were dizzy from carbon monoxide poisoning.

It would be somewhat ungrateful to chop his head off with a katana for his troubles.

My dog sleeps by the front door, she would give me enough time by trying to lick any intruder and or roll over on her back looking for a belly rub that as I came running downstairs I could execute a flying drop kick like a fucking superstar!