Confidence begins at home. How're your family relations? Has it gotten to a point where you shy away from them too? If so, then talk to them about it. If not, then try to talk to them more, just in general. A stable family life is the foundation of confidence. Take part in activities together, try and make fun out of the small things like chores and food shopping. Remember that you are so important to them and are a part of this unit - interdependant on one another.

You can do stuff on your own to boost your confidence, too. One thing that worked for me was to make myself feel embarassed - wait for it! Try dancing around in front of a mirror to some crazy disco track; make funny faces at yourself. It sounds silly but it is essential that you atleast feel confident in front of yourself. And dancing is all about confidence, so attack that arena first - with the added benefits of it being good exercise and you will get better at it! It'll feel uncomfortable at first but just keep at it until you smile - and you will smile. This is good. NEVER suppress laughter (unless it's highly inappropriate; such as at the Queen during her Jubilee).

Try writing down all your insecurities on a piece of paper, for example: 'I am fat, I am spotty, nobody loves me, I'm going to go and eat worms'. Then burn it. Try affirmations: stating out loud something positive about yourself, for example: 'I AM fun, I CAN play the sax well, I WILL succeed today in everything that I do'. Do this morning and night; begin your day by saying something positive to yourself. Whenever something negative about yourself comes to mind... Zap it by saying a buzzword such as 'banana' or 'fluntymumple!' Shout it out if you have to! Just shift that negativity. The power of the mind is incredible, trust me.

Write down five things you like about yourself, and pin it somewhere where you can see it everyday - on the fridge door, on the toilet seat... Make sure to read and re-read until it's fully absorbed into your system that these are good things about yourself. Ah, let's come out with it: I just totally endorce writing and more writing. Nothing like the written word. And keeping a diary is just wonderful mindfood. It helps you to understand who you are - accept that EVERYONE is made up of good points and bad points.

Never insult yourself to anybody. If someone says 'your hair looks nice today' the temptation is to say 'yeah, but I know I'm a pug really'. Don't do it! They wouldn't be complimenting you if they thought that and by contradicting them you're showing a lack of regard for their opinion, and they'll soon stop complimenting you. You hate it when people offend you - so don't do it to yourself.

Another important confidence booster: friends. Everyone needs friends. Try and spend as much time with them as possible, again, to re-establish your place in this big wacky world. They wouldn't spend time with you if they didn't like you. Don't got no real friends? Take part in activities and clubs where you have a shared interest - always works, providing of course you're willing to put the effort into atleast going as far as to smile at people and say hello. And if you're not a talker - ask them loads of questions about themselves; takes you off the talking front for a while and they'll love you for taking an interest in them.

... Right. That about sums it up, except - play to your strengths, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, if you're a funny guy, be funny; if you're a good organiser, be the organiser of big social escapades; if you're a good tolerant listener, then be sure to be there whenever someone needs someone to talk to.

Finally, AVOID! All criticising media - from magazines like Grazia to programs like 'What not to wear' that tell you how to live your life according to these fake people'sstandards, and finally most chart music. Don't be put down trying to be and look like the girl in the magazine - it's all fake - if you had craploads of money to spend on such shallow endeavors as a makeup team, you'd look superficial too. Who wants to help the starving peple of third-world countries when Lancome products are half price to all women with silicon implants?

Of course, as your confidence grows so too will your ability to see right through the gimmick fest that is our dominative media. You'll be able to laugh it off, not shudder inside at the results of your mind's latest comparison between you and.... Which model is this? They all look the same, damnit!

All that this sums up to is simply 'be yourself'. That's what people mean when they say it - don't be suckered in by not-so politically-correct idealisms.

You are you and you are magnificent. Good luck.

Why do we fall? -So we can learn to pick ourselves up again. PM me anytime about anything.

WowThats a fantastic post Phoenix. there is sooo much good advice in there. I think that your idea of posting five things you like about yourself is a fabaroony idea. i already have drawn a heart on my mirror to show myself that im still alive and i am still a woman no matter what happened.

i also liked the idea of using a funny word for negativity!! that did make me chuckle a lot. I'm going to use some of your tips to try and help myself feel better!!!
Thank You.
xxx

Phoenix wrote:If someone says 'your hair looks nice today' the temptation is to say 'yeah, but I know I'm a pug really'. Don't do it! They wouldn't be complimenting you if they thought that and by contradicting them you're showing a lack of regard for their opinion, and they'll soon stop complimenting you. You hate it when people offend you - so don't do it to yourself.

I always feel really awkward when people compliment me. What should I say to them if they do? Should I compliment them back or does that sound like I don't mean it?

Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and they all think you're on drugs xoxoxox

Phoenix wrote:If someone says 'your hair looks nice today' the temptation is to say 'yeah, but I know I'm a pug really'. Don't do it! They wouldn't be complimenting you if they thought that and by contradicting them you're showing a lack of regard for their opinion, and they'll soon stop complimenting you. You hate it when people offend you - so don't do it to yourself.

I always feel really awkward when people compliment me. What should I say to them if they do? Should I compliment them back or does that sound like I don't mean it?

Hi Yessica. I used to feel like you do. Whenever anyone paid me a compliment I never used to know how to react, but now I have learnt to smile and say something like "Oh thank you! That's really kind." I find I'm paid more comliments these days too - not sure if that's a coincidence. I think I just came to think like Phoenix. I love my eyes, I love my hair, and most importantly, I love my voluptuous, curvy, size 20 body! I've stopped fighting with it and trying to make the poor thing into something it blatantly does not want to be! And like most women my size, I've got great boobs (unlike a lot of the Skinny Minnies out there who diet down to size zero, then pay to have fake breats, which, I am reliably informed, do not feel anywhere near as nice as the real thing!). So do as Phoenix says and celebrate your positive points. And if somebody says something nice to you, BELIEVE THEM!!!