“There is a saying in medicine: “Do one, see one, teach one.” I know a few doctors and would trust them with my care in general, but that idea is terrifying. So, I’ve seen a kid. I’ve had a kid. Let me teach you how to have a kid… Or, not! I get a lot of advice all the time from soliciting it like a hooker on a corner to not asking for it in the least. I’ve sifted through it and come up with the only advice I think is worth listening to:

1. Do not take parenting advice. OK, I’m the one giving this advice…am I suggesting your stop reading the rest of the post like one of those “following directions” tests you got (and I failed) in elementary school? No. But what I’m saying is this: If it doesn’t sound right, then you have no reason to take the advice. Even if it’s from your mom or a mom friend who has five genius children…or even your doctor. If it sounds wrong, get another opinion. Or hey, make your own because IT’S YOUR KID. It’s your responsibility and HECK, you have only known the lump for a week/month/year but you still know it better than anyone else does. (Maybe, though, stop referring to your child as an “it.”)

2. Take parenting advice. Wait, am I on crack? No. But life is a paradox so here it is: You’ve never done this before! And even if you have, this is A NEW AND WEIRD LITTLE INDIVIDUAL you just created, and it is different from everyone else on the planet so, if you need help, ask! Or if your kid is liiike having ONLY GREEN POOP (like Booberry recently) and that seems weird to you, maybe follow up on that”

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