EPA OKs deploying molasses against uranium waste

After months of failed attempts with omelets, waffles and bean and cheese w/bacon tacos, mining company Cotter Corp. has been given the go ahead from the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency to use molasses and alcohol to clean up contaminated water in an abandoned uranium mine in Colorado.

The company says that bacteria inside the mine should eat away at the molasses and the uranium in the contaminated water in the 2,000-foot-deep Schwartzwalder mine to create solid bits of removable uranium.

The process sounds ingenious enough. About a hundred guys will run around in the mine in four minute increments throwing molasses and Colt 45 all over the place with a hand over their mouth and noses so as not to get poisoned by the uranium.

It is a little unknown fact that bacteria will not eat uranium unless it is masked with some form of breakfast food and or condiment. The alcohol is mixed in purely to relax and open up the inhibitions of the bacteria.

The company stated in a Denver Post story that this new method will save millions of dollars it would have taken to “continually pump out and treat the mine water.”