IT MUST BE THE ALTITUDE

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My son the valley girl

Like, oh my god, my 5-year old is totally talking like a teenager now. I had been noticing that he was using the word ‘awesome’ a lot more every day, but I thought that was cute. I dropped him off at day camp yesterday as a normal 5-year old, and then picked him up in the afternoon talking like a 16-year old. What happened???

This is especially surprising in light of the fact that Kaiden’s camp is run by a bunch of Baptist missionaries. It is probably even more surprising to some of you that I send him there since I was raised Jewish and Siig Greek Orthodox, and neither of us believes in organized religion. (If my father in Israel found out, he would probably shit in his pants. Luckily for me, he doesn’t read this blog.) But, the camp is super cheap and they do fun things with the kids, and the counselors are just sweet as pie. The girls are all from the south and have deep southern accents that sound like sweet tea and grits. I cannot imagine them talking like a Valley Girl.

So where did Kaiden pick up his new awesome vocabulary? My guess is from either some of the older kids at camp or watching too many Scooby-Doo movies. Haven’t you noticed that like, Shaggy, totally talks like Hannah Montana? Who woulda thought that Casey Kasem (who does the voice of Shaggy and just recently retired from almost 40 years of announcing “America’s Top 40”) was really a Valley Girl?

It’s ironic that Kaiden is now saying “oh my god” because since he started attending the Baptist camp I’ve had to have my first ‘God’ talk with him. I realized I need to broach this subject with him when, after his first day, I picked him up holding a CD entitled “Joseph” and a painting of apples and oranges with this at the bottom: “God makes the fruit.” Oh god, I thought, how the hell do you talk about religion with a 4-year old? I think it’s harder than talking about sex. Sex is much more tangible. At least you can say that’s how babies are made. What comes out of religion?

So this is how I started: “Kaiden, have you heard about God?”

“Yes, mom, at the church.”

Oh great.Ok, time to change course. “So I just want you to know that the people at the church believe one thing and mommy and daddy believe something else and that’s all OK.”

“Whatever, mom.”

Guess I don’t need to be concerned that Kaiden is finding religion anytime soon. I’m more worried he’s turning into a teenager with attitude.