Chasing Joy One Swing At A Time

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Friday Confessional

I do not currently own a full length mirror. All of my mirrors only show from the tops of my shoulders up. In fact, in order to see how I look before heading off to work, I have to stand on the bed.

I haven’t stepped on a scale since mid-May.

This may lead you to think that I have a bad body image or am living in denial. Not so fast… it’s turning out to be quite the opposite. Really, this was an accident. I moved out to Florida a month before Beast to find a place to live and help get the trapeze rig set up without my household belongings. Then, when Beast and the mini-beasts moved to Florida, our stuff took it’s sweet little time to make it’s way across this great country of ours. I’m pretty sure it stopped off to see Graceland and Dollywood on the way. Anyhow, my scale and mirrors were packed neatly away in the storage container. And, the house we moved into did not have mirrored closet doors like our last place.

So, I told myself that I would wait for the scale and mirrors. In the meantime 2+ months had passed and, guess what? My negative inner voice (you know the one that tells you how fat you are) didn’t have as much to say. I started feeling better about myself. And, my clothes started loosening. Not being one to accept such success, I started worrying about the jarring experience I would have the next time I accidentally wandered in front of a store window or saw my self in a photo. I thought that not visually weighing myself or actually weighing myself would allow myself to be in denial and cause a lapse in working out or eating right. I eventually let that worry go. Truth was, I ate better and worked out more because I wasn’t constantly telling myself that it was a waste of time, nothing was changing. And, when I accidentally wandered in front of a full length mirror? I was happy to see myself smiling.

I’m not sure how long I’ll go without stepping on that scale, but I learned something from this accidental experiment. Being healthy outside is easier if you are healthy inside as well.