tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34010344866815315492017-08-24T13:47:34.302-07:00Living *WELL* with FibromyalgiaSharing my experience with discovering, treating, and living healthy with Fibromyalgia - Triathlon, anyone? If i can do it, you can do MORE!Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.comBlogger137125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-24087038530217121822012-09-22T14:31:00.000-07:002012-09-22T14:34:24.863-07:00Peak2Peak - Another Way to Appreciate San Francisco...and my Health<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Last weekend I participated in what I would call a "endurance adventure walk." &nbsp;The WalkSF organization (</span><a href="http://walksf.org/">http://walksf.org/</a>)<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">&nbsp;hosted an event called Peak2Peak, which is a 14-mile walk around and through the city's 10 peaks (e.g. Twin Peaks, Mt. Sutro, the Legion of Honor), starting from the Mission, ending at the Golden Gate Park. &nbsp;I had never walked 14 miles straight before. &nbsp;Sounded interesting, with the risk of being quite boring (bc it is 14 miles of walking!). &nbsp;10 Peaks? &nbsp;I know of 4, What are the other 6? &nbsp;I was curious, and it kinda felt like an endurance event that I could enjoy and not stress about (and not have to train for, yey), so I signed up. &nbsp;It was awesome!!!</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The whole thing must have taken about 6 hours, including stops and lunch break, etc. &nbsp;There was plenty of climbing, stairs, backstreet navigating, and even muddy trails! &nbsp;Right in the heart of SF!! &nbsp;And they were all walkable somehow...fascinating learning experience of the nooks and crannies of this already awesome city. &nbsp;Towards mile 10, I was definitely sore, although I only walked, didn't run at all. &nbsp;I must have walked so fast in the last two miles just to end the pain sooner, because somehow me and my friends ended up being three of the first six people to finish the walk. &nbsp;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Throughout the course, I got to chat with other people that participated in the event (something you can't do during races), and I learned that there were more people that had health issues (arthritis, chronic pain, back pain, you name it) than those that did not - how awesome! &nbsp;I mean, not that they were in pain was awesome, but those people who didn't have the perfect health were there - to stay active and healthy and to really appreciate the ability to be walking around, despite their limitations. &nbsp;Now I could certainly relate to them and was so grateful to be around such inspiring people! &nbsp;It was funny to see actually, that the healthier people were the ones that were bigger complainers or just weren't enjoying it as much. &nbsp;Hmmm, I wonder why? &nbsp;Man, we so take for granted the the good things we got going in life, let me tell you. &nbsp;To those who can walk and run all the time, those are just another activity. &nbsp;To those that have frequent days of the lack of ability and strength to even take a few steps, a long walk day thru nature and culture is a blessing and a gift! &nbsp;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Maybe pain breeds joy....quite indirectly and in a roundabout way. &nbsp;But there is meaning behind every pain. &nbsp;Perhaps I can make it count.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-61374308807851171522012-09-05T20:07:00.000-07:002012-09-05T20:07:22.941-07:00Another 6 months passed...<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ok, ok, I'm back.&nbsp;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I really don't know what exactly happened before I had to take a break from running again, but I did. &nbsp;I think my heart just grew far from it all, and I just wanted to enjoy being active instead of always being the mode of "training". &nbsp;I went on more hikes, commuted 95% of the time on foot, taking brisk walks, and did a lot of stair workouts to strengthen my glutes. &nbsp;Living in San Francisco definitely provided me with a lot of great stairs and hill climbing opportunities - and I love it! &nbsp;This city is filled with fun walks and great views. &nbsp;I am thoroughly enjoying my life here.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's been just over a year since I moved to San Francisco. &nbsp;I moved again though just recently, to a different neighborhood, where I have more exposure to the northern beach area, with great rides and runs. &nbsp;Just recently I started running a bit again, only because I am so close to the run to the Marina, through Fort Mason. &nbsp;It is just too beautiful not to run around here. &nbsp;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Until recently, so much of my exercises were performance-based. &nbsp;I think more and more my exercises are becoming joy-based. &nbsp;I definitely feel the pressures of having to stay fit and active to be healthy, but nowadays I think I do it more because I truly love being outside and seeing the beauty this city has to offer. &nbsp;After a nice run around the city on Saturday mornings, I would often stop by the farmer's market at the Ferry Building and bring home fresh fruits. &nbsp;All my errands nowadays are done on foot, as I'm only a few blocks away from Trader Joe's and the pharmacy! &nbsp;Walking is such a blessing, and with a lot of walking on your legs, I think I started developing a natural fondness towards running - while before, running was that really hard workout that needed to be done because it was the finishing leg of a triathlon! &nbsp;:)</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is a public pool very close to my new place too - and with my injuries behind me and a renewed appreciation for my life, I'm thinking of training again for triathlons - but this time with joy and a fresh new mission. &nbsp;I worked so hard over the past years to prove MYSELF, that I could do it against the general belief that people with chronic pain could not participate in endurance races. &nbsp;But I have proven enough. &nbsp;Now it is time for me to just...enjoy and share my joyful experiences with others. &nbsp;I'm still not sure how I'm going to manage my time, but I do miss racing and I do find it in my heart to train again. &nbsp;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For a while I told myself, well, maybe I'm done with the crazy training and racing. &nbsp;Life's too busy anyway, and I have so many other new adventures in my life to pursue - however, I was reminded recently (while I was listening to Nick Vujicic's Life Without Limits audiobook - I definitely recommend!) that my passion for training and completing triathlons is still burning inside my heart. &nbsp;Injuries discouraged me and my fatigue from all the clock-work discipline had me mentally shut down from training, but today, I felt like God reminded me that my passion was not dead, and that I can start the next stage. &nbsp;</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What is the next stage? &nbsp;I have no idea! &nbsp;All I know is that I'm going to do things a bit differently - to take the focus off of myself, but to do all this to serve others by sharing my joy and gratitude. &nbsp;I will start slowly, of course, and go about this with a humble heart, but continue to dream big. &nbsp;I did once dream of finishing an Ironman, didn't I? &nbsp;Will I pursue that? &nbsp;Maybe, maybe not. &nbsp;One thing is for sure - I'm looking forward to where this would take me.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm going to go look for races to sign up for now. &nbsp;:)</span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-65121032206338889872012-03-25T20:19:00.000-07:002012-03-25T20:19:38.192-07:00An Uninspiring Update<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Interesting. &nbsp;A few days ago, an old friend reminded me that I should update my blog. &nbsp;I replied to his suggestion by saying "when I start training again."</span><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today it hit me - ok, what a lame answer. &nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Training or not, I'm still living with fibro and living darn well. &nbsp;The problem is, that my ankle has still been in severe pain.&nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The update since my last entry in November is that...basically, as I increased my minutes running, after 14 minutes run/1-2 walk intervals, my ankles started burning up again. &nbsp;I could not sleep all night at times. &nbsp;I thought my ankles caught on fire. &nbsp;I massaged them, did strengthening workouts as prescribed, I rested them, I did gradual exercise buildup, I did and tried everything... but I was in such excruciating pain that I couldn't stay lying down or sitting for more than 20 minutes' time. &nbsp;So it was concluded that it can't be just some exercise-related injury. &nbsp;Something else is going on. &nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So I haven't ran since...early January. &nbsp;I went on the eliptical. &nbsp;That has been ok. &nbsp;Still some pain, but a lot less - and I have prescription strength ibuprofen for my bad days. &nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The lack of training and the absence of any future racing plans made me feel like I shouldn't exist as the writer of this blog. &nbsp;I stopped writing. &nbsp;I felt rather ashamed. &nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But as the <u>owner</u> of this blog, I realized today that I had to continue writing. &nbsp;And today, I am writing about not having been able to train and therefore not even daring to be able to plan on a race. &nbsp;However, I do not feel so ashamed - anymore. &nbsp;I feel rather at peace, because I am starting to think that this is part of the process. &nbsp;Ups and downs, good days and bad days - a season to race, a season to rest. &nbsp;I titled this as Uninspiring, but I was being sarcastic - I hope that my lack of inspiration is somewhat inspiring - because I have accepted my present reality of just...waiting for the tides to come back. &nbsp;Every day, I am just thankful that it hurts less than before. &nbsp;I get on the eliptical and hit the hill profile for 30 minutes. &nbsp;I do some strengthening exercises and walk to and from work. &nbsp;I do what I can. &nbsp;I hope and pray that I can race one day. &nbsp;I still dream, but I'm praying harder. &nbsp;I do what I can. &nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What I am most thankful about this process is that through my pain and limitations I am learning about some of you that are not able to be as active as you'd like right now, and how you might be feeling. &nbsp;I can understand the frustration a little better, and I can empathize when you feel like giving up, because it's just been so darn long. &nbsp;But please, let's not give up. &nbsp;We do what we can now, and I know that soon we will be ready to move again when our hearts are really ready in the midst of peace, with more gratitude, more excitement and yet with more humility. &nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This ankle issue started February of last year - this kind of strong, persistent pain is a first in my life. But i know for some of you, this kind of debilitating and persistent pain is what you're familiar with. &nbsp;I was starting to get really tired of it. &nbsp;I was starting to just get cranky about it - then finally today, I was able to think about those I couldn't understand before because I had never experienced it. &nbsp;Now I do. &nbsp;And that makes me grateful, because I only pray that I can start writing on behalf of those who are still struggling to overcome the pain. &nbsp;So I plan on overcoming the pain together, with you. &nbsp;I have a higher focus. &nbsp;And I am grateful for it.</span></div>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-49287565431369249452011-11-23T13:51:00.000-08:002011-11-23T13:51:57.346-08:00Let's look at some Data<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Just wanted to share with you my running progress so far - as you can see, I started on 9/20, and it's been going on semi-regularly (I've had a few weeks when I couldn't run, either because I was focusing on strength and recovery work or because I had too much work)... but as you can see, I'm adding minutes to my run and my speed is steadily improving. &nbsp;There are ups and downs within weeks, but if you look at the overall average minute/mile, I'm moving in the right direction. &nbsp;Also, as my run intervals got longer, I had to slow down on the run, but the fastest run intervals have been finding its steady pace. &nbsp;I'm very happy with this!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-w-cVUTSSnUU/Ts1nI6b96BI/AAAAAAAAAI4/lnBHtx_Jynk/s1600/Picture1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><img border="0" height="371" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-w-cVUTSSnUU/Ts1nI6b96BI/AAAAAAAAAI4/lnBHtx_Jynk/s640/Picture1.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Also to note, my distances are still at sub-3 mile levels. &nbsp;With my ankles and feet still feeling challenged from time to time, I know that it is not time for me yet to add mileage. &nbsp;I'm being faithful to the little I can do now, and will add gradually as my running intervals and interval frequencies get higher. &nbsp;If I can get my running pace at 10:30-11:00 min/mile without huge effort, I'd be stoked. &nbsp;I can feel the improvements, though, because today, for instance, although the fastest run interval was at 11:16 min/mile (slower than previous weeks), I felt like I was going super easy, especially coming back from a near 2 week break. &nbsp;I was surprised to see that it was sub 12 min/mile, to be honest. &nbsp;I'm curious to see where my pace would end up in the next couple of weeks, provided that I do not skip any of my runs.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Slow and steady is the name of the game. &nbsp;I'm not flinching even a bit to rush into something - if I take a week or two break, I don't jump ahead or rush to get caught up, I just keep continuing from where I left off. &nbsp;When I can't run, I do strength exercises and I make sure I stretch my ankles and feet. &nbsp;I have a long-term view on this, so it just doesn't make sense to rush to really go nowhere. &nbsp;But as I look at this simple table, it shows that I made progress and I'm healing! &nbsp;Very very happy and grateful.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I started from 1 minute run, and now I can run 7 minutes non-stop at a time! &nbsp;Hurray!</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My run, my program, my pace. &nbsp;I hope you build your own too and be faithful to the daily progress you can make for yourselves, no matter how big or small. &nbsp;And smile :)</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-57525481411279395072011-11-05T21:56:00.000-07:002011-11-05T21:56:56.244-07:00Lots have Happened over the past 4 months!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It has been a very long time since my last entry - over past 4 months, my life drastically changed, and of course, for the BETTER. &nbsp;I'm so grateful and excited to have completed my move to San Francisco in August, after living in Los Angeles for over 10 years.&nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Life was insane July and August, as I was moving out of my place in LA and moving into a new place in SF, while starting a new job. &nbsp;As exciting as it all was, as you can all imagine, moving was seriously physically and mentally challenging - which is something I completely underestimated, having moved very often across continents (no joke!) when I was in my 20's. &nbsp;I didn't think it was a big deal, but I suppose after having accumulated a lot more things over the years, moving definitely became a bigger deal, quite literally. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Looking back, all went well. &nbsp;Without establishing a healthy base I wouldn't have been able to do it all alone. &nbsp;I'm so grateful that I was able to move everything, including myself, in one piece. &nbsp;:)</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">On the other hand, training had to be temporarily put on the sidelines. &nbsp;I lost about 8 pounds just from moving - which was not the favorable way to lose weight (poor eating, not sleeping, running around non-stop). &nbsp;It was good, however, because I forced myself to take a break from running and cycling, from which I've suffered more than enough foot and ankle injuries during the Spring and Summer seasons.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Starting in September, I started back from ground zero. &nbsp;Literally, from the absolute basics. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I read the book "Run Your Butt Off," which is actually a step by step running guide for beginner runners. &nbsp;I wouldn't call myself a beginner runner, but because of my recurring injuries I felt compelled to act like one and use the methodology the book was suggesting. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Basically, it starts with 4 min walk/1 min run intervals of 5 times. &nbsp;Actually, the very start is to do 30 min walks for a week, but I skipped that step, thanks to my daily walks between work and home (1.5 mile one way - it's a nice little walk, which I LOVE). &nbsp;I think the daily walks actually made my ankles and feet stronger and help me establish a stronger base for my running program. &nbsp;Anyway, after my first week of the rather boring 4/1 walk/run intervals, every week or two I progressed onto longer runs...for example, 4 walk/2 run x 4-5 times, then 3 walk/3 run x 4-5 times..and now I'm at 2.5 walk/5 run x 4 times~! &nbsp;&nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Believe it or not, the 3 walk/3 run week was tough on my ankles - &nbsp;i had to take a week break because my feet and ankles were killing me again. &nbsp;I did ankle strengthening exercises and got on the foam roller instead. &nbsp;I continued my walks to and from work, though, and they definitely kept my lower body movements consistent. &nbsp;I so love walking to work now, something I was not able to do at all living in LA. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Anyway, I have another week of the 2.5 walk/5 run x 4, then moving on to 2 walk/7 run x 3 after that! &nbsp;I'm excited - because although i had to start from scratch, I'm very happy with the progress - I am actually becoming a more efficient runner, as my time has improved over the weeks as well. &nbsp;I think this was the way I should have always started, really gradually, step by step, day by day, minute by minute. &nbsp;I'm going to keep going at this rate, and by mid-January, I will be able to do my first 30-minute full-on run. &nbsp;Sounds like a long time til then, but really, by then I would have really built up my fundamentals so the run-only session will seem like just a natural progression, not a burdensome challenge. &nbsp;My body will appreciate the super-slow gradual buildup.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My first 5k since the new training regime is set for 12/2, which I will just run as if I'm training, with a few walks mixed in. &nbsp;I think in mid-February, I will do a full-run 5k, with some speed added to it. &nbsp;That i'm really excited about. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I haven't let go of my goal to do a marathon...it will just be in 2012. &nbsp;I deferred my NYC Marathon entry to 2012, so I have that to work towards. &nbsp;Effectively, I'm training for over a year for my marathon - this may be the wisest decision I've ever made to date. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As you can see, I have lots of starting over's.... some attempts of mine did not work, some did. &nbsp;Those that didn't, I learn my lesson from them and just start again. &nbsp;I know I have these desires to do long distance races for a reason, but they are not going to come easily. &nbsp;I'm learning to be patient, to be persistent and to NEVER GIVE UP! &nbsp;This time it will work, I'm really taking my time, advancing little by little. &nbsp;Hey, a small advance is still an advance! &nbsp;:)</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">However, I still have to wonder, what is up with this ankle pain? &nbsp;In my earlier days, ankle and feet were the last things I needed to worry about during my training... oh well, it is what it is, and I'm learning to deal... &nbsp;I'm just praying it's just a part of getting old ;)</span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-35525318147488799182011-07-09T06:56:00.000-07:002011-07-09T06:56:08.116-07:00I'm Not Like Them...and That is the Point<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">No wonder my heart has been so burdened. &nbsp;No wonder I've been fatigued, dreaded and heavy in my spirit. &nbsp;I wasn't being myself, but I have been relentlessly trying to be like others.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Around me, there are some seriously strong riders. &nbsp;They can do super hilly and long distance rides whenever they decide to, and even do so two days in a row, and suffer no consequences other than the expected soreness. &nbsp;I, know from experience, that I have to go by the gradual progression of adding mileage and hills in order to get to a certain point. &nbsp;If not, the consequences would be (and have been) dire. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When I was training for the Gran Fondo LA (6/26), I had that sudden right foot injury after my first 65 mile/hilly ride. &nbsp;Since then my foot (actually both feet at this point) have never been the same. &nbsp;Some of my friends were able to go on another long and even hillier ride the next day. &nbsp;And they boasted that the post-ride soreness was actually minimal. &nbsp;Wow - envy. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Last weekend while I was still trying to ramp back up from the injury, another friend of mine did 80 miles and thought even that wasn't enough for the Vineman Aquabike race (Swim 2.4 miles, Bike 112 miles) coming up, so wanted to 90 miles this morning. &nbsp;I couldn't even do 40 miles last week because of my foot. &nbsp;I knew I had no choice and I was ok with it, until I compared myself to my friends. &nbsp;Discouragement. &nbsp;Feeling kinda like a loser.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, with my ego bruised, I told my friend that I'd do the 90 mile ride with her, as a pathetic attempt to redeem myself. &nbsp;And the ride is today. &nbsp;I have been up since 445am, getting geared up and ready. &nbsp;It's 607am right now. &nbsp;What am I doing writing this?</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I crumbled. &nbsp;I had to admit, after all the pondering, wondering and getting frustrated - that my heart is not in the right place. &nbsp;That is the reason for all the internal fighting. &nbsp;Usually, rides like this excite me, and I'm all pumped up for it. &nbsp;Today, my heart is just NOT in it - not because I don't like riding anymore, not because I want to quit, but because for a while now I have been driven by my ego and envy, but not my heart. &nbsp;Where is my hope? &nbsp;Why am I doing this? &nbsp;Didn't I say I'd do 90 miles because I wanted to feel better about myself? &nbsp;Because I wanted to feel less like a loser compared to my friends who have been ramping up faster than I have? &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Comparing myself to others... is a dangerous motivator. &nbsp;In fact, it is not a motivator - it is a source of discouragement and self degradation, ending up in both mental and physical fatigue. &nbsp;I'm not rationally thinking about my physical status and what I can do given the reality, which actually results in going beyond my perceived limits. &nbsp;Instead, I'm looking at others, wanting to be like others, then discovering how I am NOT like others, then just shutting myself away from achieving any untapped potential whatsoever - because then I am no longer driven by my heart, but my ego. &nbsp;Such a tremendous attempt at one's best can never come from ego or envy. &nbsp;It really is the heart that comes from the bigger purpose of the action itself, which, to me, is to share with YOU that we can do things, and that we are not victims. &nbsp;I didn't think of YOU, but I thought of ME, comparing myself with people who are not me, and definitely not like you and me. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As a result, I have fallen victim to my own ego that just kept feeling bad for not being like others. &nbsp;Is there a worse kind of failure than this?</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Such is the fight against our pain. &nbsp;This fight, has to be a positive, heart-driven fight. &nbsp;In every step we make, we must rather feel the JOY of improvement and excitement for new experiences, not the feeling of not being good enough because some are doing better than others. &nbsp;I hope that I did not discourage some of you via my recent efforts. &nbsp;I only say this because I have been so focusing on my achievements, not the process. &nbsp;So if you're walking around the block and you read about me bragging about my 65 miles ride without the context behind it, then how would that make you feel? &nbsp;I apologize for that!</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It's 630am. &nbsp;I am going to go on my own ride, at the pace I want and to the length of time I feel comfortable with. &nbsp;Then maybe I will go for a run - at my pace, up to my desired distance. &nbsp;And be grateful for what I can do, and who I am. &nbsp;By comparing myself to others over the past couple of months, I have rejected myself. &nbsp;No wonder I wasn't enjoying this process - I wasn't even enjoying my own body! &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Let's just accept myself, and remember that only I can be me, and that I am unique, and I have everything I need to be who I am...and just keep improving from where I am. &nbsp; That is gratitude, and when you are at peace with that, God pours us with more blessings to our open and available hearts going forward. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-18848931637519554402011-07-04T16:19:00.000-07:002011-07-04T16:19:27.733-07:00Definitely Not the Ideal...but Doing What I Can<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm seriously thinking about the recent ramp-up on my training and its effect on my body.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have been experiencing pretty strong flare-ups and stiffness every day after a workout, even when it is not a long/hard workout day. &nbsp;On top of that, my ankles and calves have gotten extremely tight, despite my continuous bodywork and strengthening moves. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Since the right foot freak injury I'm slowly catching back up to longer rides...but will not get there until the end of this week, if all goes as planned. &nbsp;So far, nothing has really gone as planned.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Don't get me wrong - I've reached a few milestones. &nbsp;My first 65 mile ride, my first 4,000 meter swim...they are all great. &nbsp;I slowly started to get back into running as well. &nbsp;On the flip side, my body's responses to them have been so severe that I feel like every week I'm starting over again.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">While I will continue to go by my training plans (albeit modified several times already), I will also be very cautious about my body's reactions. &nbsp;Perhaps there is some kind of distance and intensity threshold that I need to learn of. &nbsp;Perhaps not. &nbsp;I'm in guinea pig mode.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm trying not to get greedy - if I am doing all this for my health, I cannot take this to a point where my health is actually deteriorating. &nbsp;However, I don't want to give up prematurely either. &nbsp;So I'm closely monitoring my body. &nbsp;It's been a challenge, and it's frustrating and stressful, but I still enjoy the moments of reaching my milestones, and for that I am grateful.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The future is unknown, so I focus on the present. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Happy 4th of July everyone! &nbsp;</span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-53724178974529317152011-06-20T08:40:00.001-07:002011-06-20T08:42:19.833-07:00Unexpected!<div class="mobile-photo"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nHOraubezx0/Tf9qArr92SI/AAAAAAAAAFg/2-WSzP3i69s/s1600/photo%2B%25287%2529-750083.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5620327419941345570" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nHOraubezx0/Tf9qArr92SI/AAAAAAAAAFg/2-WSzP3i69s/s320/photo%2B%25287%2529-750083.JPG" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ouch! Woke up at 2am with excruciating pain in my right foot, around the arch and top. The pain was sharp to the touch (literally tears welled up) and could not land on it without screaming. Took advil and iced it for a while, which helped it down to dull pain.<br /><br />Have no idea how this happened, but I guess my 1st day of NYC Marathon training will have to wait!<br /><br />I won't let delays cause frustration..wait &nbsp;patiently with anticipation while taking care of my immediate needs...<br /><br />Kinda humorous actually.<br /><br />Sent from my iPhone</span><br /><br /><br /><div><span style="color: #666666;"><br /></span></div>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-73646104217342539272011-06-19T18:31:00.000-07:002011-06-19T18:31:28.053-07:00Quick Nutrition Stuff during Training Ramp-up Periods<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Lately my training has been ramping up as I get closer to my Vineman Aquabike race... Just wanted to note some of the nutritional supplements I have been taking more regularly recently:</span><br /><br /><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Vitamin C - heavy loads of working out can weaken our immune system as our vitamins and minerals get depleted. &nbsp;Don't want to get sick, and also V-C is known to strengthen your capillaries so I take them to not only keep my immune system strong but also to prevent frequent bruising</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Calcium - learned a good lesson from my fractured shin bone that I need to take calcium supplements, especially as I am getting older (egh) &nbsp;</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Iron - fatigue from long workouts are largely due to iron deficiency, and my anemia already has me at low iron levels. &nbsp;Gotta replenish frequently</span></li></ul><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Additionally, my diet has been even more strict, loading up on fresh vegetables and fruits and eating lean protein. &nbsp;I have not had even a glass of wine in about 2 months and I feel great. &nbsp;Sweets are limited to dark chocolate once in a while so that I don't deprive myself of anything, which causes me to binge at times.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Yesterday I managed to complete a hilly 65-mile bike ride (after last weekend's flat 60 miler), and tomorrow I am swimming 4000 meters...this is going to ramp up to 6 hours of bike riding (around 80-90 miles) and over 5000 meters of swimming over the next two weeks. &nbsp;Kinda scary, but I am taking cautious measures to make this work, including having rest or yoga days every other day, allowing myself enough time to recover and rest between workouts, and keeping a very regular sleep schedule. &nbsp;</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Tomorrow I begin training for the NYC marathon (11/6) in parallel with the continued Aquabike (7/30) training. &nbsp;Should be interesting to see how it all plays out together. &nbsp;Because, I am my own guinea pig. &nbsp;Happily so.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-14800807258895781612011-06-14T10:59:00.000-07:002011-06-14T11:04:40.117-07:00Team Luna Chix has Graciously Offered me a Guest Blogging Opportunity...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm excited to share with you that Team Luna Chix, sponsored by Clif Bar, has asked me to be a guest blogger for this month. &nbsp;I joined Team Luna Chix this year as part of the LA Cycling team to encourage woman to participate in the sport and also to fundraise for the Breast Cancer Fund (<a href="http://www.breastcancerfund.org/">http://www.breastcancerfund.org/</a>)! &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My team holds two beginner-friendly rides every month and occasionally holds bike clinics to help women become experienced and&nbsp;knowledgeable&nbsp;cyclists. &nbsp;If you are interesting in riding with us, go to&nbsp;</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://teamlunachix.com/los_angeles_cycling">http://teamlunachix.com/los_angeles_cycling</a>&nbsp;and check us out - you will find ride schedules and intro to our team mates, and several blog updates about our rides. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Anyway, here is the location of my blog entry:</span><br /><a href="http://teamlunachix.com/chixlife/chix_journal_entry/why_i_swim_bike_run/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">http://teamlunachix.com/chixlife/chix_journal_entry/why_i_swim_bike_run/</span></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Also, if you are interested in donating to the breast cancer fund through my team, please go to:</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://prevention.breastcancerfund.org/site/TR?pxfid=2290&amp;fr_id=1151&amp;pg=fund&amp;et=KByeXBE9mHVknCn6-nRojg..&amp;s_tafId=2345">http://prevention.breastcancerfund.org/site/TR?pxfid=2290&amp;fr_id=1151&amp;pg=fund&amp;et=KByeXBE9mHVknCn6-nRojg..&amp;s_tafId=2345</a></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today's all about links. &nbsp;</span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-74509973342313013992011-06-05T06:36:00.000-07:002011-06-05T06:37:49.417-07:00Raining HardIt rained all night and it is raining now. For safety reasons everyone is reconsidering. I guess the report that today&#39;s weather would be better was totally wrong. I&#39;m so upset. I thought it would drizzle in the worst situation, which would still be dangerous but at least endurable. <p>Watching the weather closely. Looking out and just hoping it would get better. <p>Sent from my iPhoneMinnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-65724480199336393612011-06-04T21:39:00.000-07:002011-06-04T21:39:32.159-07:00Lake Tahoe America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride - 72 miles tomorrow<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm in beautiful Lake Tahoe. &nbsp;It is rainy and cold (in the 40's). &nbsp;It is said that this weather will continue tomorrow, combined with thunderstorms. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Drove from LA, which meant driving 6.5 hrs to San Francisco, stayed over night with friends (and slept very poorly) and then drove another 4 hours in the pouring rain and traffic (stressful!) to Lake Tahoe, as fatigue and my pre-existing cold system only got worse along the way. &nbsp;So easy to just set myself up for discouragement. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Cold and rainy means stiff muscles and dangerous road conditions. &nbsp;I am quite fearful of the worst things that could happen, as this course includes quite steep up and downhills. &nbsp;On a wet, slippery road, one must caution BIG TIME especially on downhill turns. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As i am about to go to sleep, I try to calm my mind not to worry, put my faith forward and just do my best to be safe out there and not get arrogant. &nbsp;I do the best i can, I stay thankful that I have made it here safely and I get to ride along one of the most beautiful lakes in America. &nbsp;I am tempted to back out without even trying. &nbsp;So tempted. &nbsp;But I will not. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I will start. &nbsp;I will put on my cycling gear, rain gear, put together my nutrition and hydration package (it's a production!) and just start. &nbsp;And then deal as difficulties come - and enjoy as I ride with friends and appreciate the scenery. &nbsp;I will not let fear of the unknown, or the illusion of what could go wrong, stop me. &nbsp;I will remember that I am not just doing this for myself, but to those who have not yet started their adventure into healing...and I pray that my attempt tomorrow will encourage you a little more to start your path to less pain...and ultimately an awesome life that we are all supposed to live.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It's June and there is snow all around me! &nbsp;Unbelievable! &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Unless is torrential downpour, I'm going to start this! &nbsp;Let's go (..to bed, for now)!</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-78324994437532349932011-06-02T12:09:00.000-07:002011-06-02T12:09:35.216-07:00**Catching up**<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I’ve been off the radar for a while.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Training has been pretty consistent, I don’t think I have much to report on that right now, just working towards the Vineman Aquabike race in July (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I started writing today because I have been feeling very humbled lately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>It started with a wonderful note from one of the readers, who left me a comment saying that he completed his first triathlon recently, and that reading my blog helped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>Wow – how can I take credit for someone’s amazing accomplishment!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>I’m so happy for that person, and I am just floored by his endeavor and congratulate him on starting a new chapter of his life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I’ve been thinking – victories are great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>Recognitions like this are great, and I feel pretty proud of myself sometimes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>But, what about some of the not-so-victorious days?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>What if I never got any recognition for what I did?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>What is my true motivation for blogging about my battle with my condition?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>Am I truly helping those who feel hopeless when it comes to getting out of the vicious cycle?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Lately I have been focusing so much on my victories, what I did well, and what I did right, etc… but I ignored my struggles of not doing well, feeling defeated, facing confusion and pain… I don’t think I was identifying with myself anymore in this blog!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Maybe I got arrogant – as if I’m this can-do-it-all-by-myself endurance athlete, only going for the wins but not counting the losses, not appreciating how I got here, but only remembering that I am here right now… I know I don’t dwell on weaknesses and negativity, but perhaps I’ve become insensitive to what others are going through, or even sometimes very insensitive to what I’m going through when things are rough!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>I feel like I haven’t even been allowing myself to be weak, in the pursuit of perfection (my biggest personality flaw).<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I’m wondering if my recent entries have become almost too distant for other fibromyalgia patients to identify with – I discuss of no struggles and no questions, I just always seem to be doing the right thing and I’m feeling great and I’m doing great and I’m doing these crazy workouts… kinda lame.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Arrogance and complacency is what eventually catches us by surprise, I think – just when I think I am doing great and my health is at its peak, if I don’t stay humble and cautious, I could just go back to where I started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>I still need to eat right, exercise regularly, keep a healthy sleep schedule, and not overextend myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>Once the cycle is broken, then things start going off track… I don’t want to go there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>And thankfully, I have such wonderful people doing amazing things that leave me very encouraging messages to make sure I don’t go there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>Because they remind me of how it all got started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>How hard it was the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>But what it means to have gotten there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">At this stage in my experience with training and racing in endurance races, it is so easy to get wrapped up in meeting the training goals, performing well, staying strong, etc… but today I’m remembering why I’m doing this in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>It’s not about the race, or kicking butt, or boasting about my personal victories…it’s about sharing my experience with the pain, and how I lessen the pain…and how we can all do so by making small changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>I’m just a guiney pig to prove that even the hard-core exercising is not harmful for my condition, so that some of you can start enjoying a nice walk, a nice stretch and a better life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I didn’t do this all by myself – my life as a triathlete started only because I was in so much pain and misery for so long, that I had no choice but to desperately pray and ask what I was supposed to do to turn my life around…and I was gifted with a vision of crossing that finish line once again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;</span>I cannot possibly take credit for all this…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>it was a gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>And I promise to keep sharing this gift with you, so that it helps YOU, not fulfill my own ego.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ok, with that said – 72 mile bike ride coming ahead this weekend in Lake Tahoe … it’s going to take me a long time to finish this as I’m only trained so far for maybe 55 miles, and that is a stretch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp; </span>But I will do it with joy and gratitude!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;&nbsp;</span></span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-44926821986767902502011-04-17T22:12:00.000-07:002011-04-17T22:12:23.377-07:00**A Renewed Heart and Mind – With a Little Help from My Friends**<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A lot of new beginnings lately, and I’m excited.&nbsp; These beginnings all have their respective goals, and I’m dashing towards them.&nbsp; Whether I will get there or not, I will never know until I try, but with a little help from my friends and a little extra help from above (or around, from the universe, whichever you believe) I know somehow someway I will get there.&nbsp; Actually, with more friends, the easier it gets.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"></div><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font: 7.0pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">&nbsp;</span>A new career:&nbsp; as previously mentioned in my earlier posts, I left my last job mid-March, seeking for an opportunity that I know both my passion and skillset will flourish in (think smaller, more hands-on, working to build, not just working to process).&nbsp; I have been meeting tons of people, from recruiters to entrepreneurs, getting their insight, pitching the vision for my new career, sharing my excitement and learning more and more what my future could be.&nbsp; There is definitely a lot of self-driven research going on, but my friends have been amazingly supportive and helpful in this process – not only with daily encouragements and genuine well wishes, but with connecting me with people they know and educating me about everything I don’t know.&nbsp; I know I still have ways ahead and what I’m looking for is going to take a little longer than just finding the next *job*, but I know that I will find that extra special something in due time.&nbsp; The challenge is to stick to my belief and not cave to lower hanging fruits when things feel desperate.&nbsp;</span></li></ul><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A new race:&nbsp; One of the races I aim to complete this year is the Vineman Aquabike, which is a 2.4 mile swim and 112 mile bike race in Sonoma, CA.&nbsp; It will take place on July 30.&nbsp; This is a whole new training and racing paradigm for me.&nbsp; Training can be daunting, especially on the long bike rides, but thanks to my friends who love to ride I know I will never be alone on the road.&nbsp; Furthermore, I know at those moments when I feel like I can’t go on anymore, I know it will be my friends that will help me get through it and accomplish my training goals…and eventually my race goals.</span></li></ul><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font: 7.0pt &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">&nbsp;</span>A new team, new initiative: This year, I had the honor of being invited by a friend and fellow cyclist to join the local Team Luna Chix cycling group.&nbsp; Basically, Team Luna Chix (<a href="http://www.teamlunachix.com/teams">www.teamlunachix.com/teams</a>) aims to “brings together women interested in learning new sports, staying active and inspiring others to do the same. Teams train together and support each other, while also fundraising for LUNA’s non-profit partner, the Breast Cancer Fund.”&nbsp; You gotta check it out!&nbsp; It didn’t take that much time for me to join the team, and a couple of weeks ago, I had the amazing opportunity to go to the National Summit Weekend of Team Luna Chix, where women from all over the country who have joined the team gathered to learn more about the cause and our responsibilities as ambassadors for the sports we each represent (Mountain biking, cycling, running, triathlons).&nbsp; Being a part of this group took my involvement in the sport to another level (e.g. impacting the community, getting involved on a national level, etc), I think – I will have a team that I will ride with and participate in races with, while fundraising for a great charitable organization (The Breast Cancer Fund) together and recruiting more people out there to join the healthy and active lifestyle I so cherish.&nbsp; A band of friends that make a difference!&nbsp; Now that is an exciting initiative!!!</span></li></ul><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Am I bragging about how many great friends I have?&nbsp; No (I mean, yes I have some AMAZING friends, but I can brag about them perhaps another time) – my point here is that whatever I’m doing, I am not doing it alone.&nbsp; I’m not alone in this.&nbsp; I can achieve the things I never thought were possible, I can get through moments that feel daunting and scary, and I can just keep trying doing whatever I aim to accomplish – thanks to my friends that are there with me every step of the way!&nbsp; Just look around and reach out – your real friends will reach right back out to you.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Your battle with fibromyalgia – although at times you may feel that you’re on your own on this, but the truth is, you’re not alone.&nbsp; Look around you – they may not ever fully understand what you’re going through (but do you really want them to?), but you have your family, your friends, and even… strangers that you may have just met, that might just want to be there and give you a smile (that makes a HUGE difference).&nbsp; And when you feel that there is no one around you, instead of feeling shut out, just reach out – you will be surprised by the outcome of it.&nbsp; I have learned that I end up alone or feeling alone because it is me that shuts others out – not because people just straight out avoid me for no particular reason.&nbsp; When I started seeing the magic unfold when I reach out instead of waiting for someone to find me, it encouraged me more to extend my arms and heart and meet more people that ended up becoming important parts of my life of healing…. We are not alone.&nbsp; You are not alone.&nbsp; With a little help of our friends, you, me – we, can tackle this thing together.&nbsp;&nbsp;</span><o:p></o:p></div>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-8853474804725736732011-04-08T16:05:00.001-07:002011-04-08T16:05:29.637-07:00Taking control of my timeOk real quick lesson learned today... never ever will I ever take calls when I know I have a whole set of prep and training to do. Never. I must take control of my time, not postpone training times without discretion. <p>I can always call people back, but when the pool closes or you forget something crucial (e.g. A swimsuit!) from packing while on the phone (distraction!) and you dont have time to go back and return, it really isn&#39;t anybody&#39;s fault but my own. <p>I pay the price by having to get up super early tomorrow to finish today&#39;s training before my ride, at which I will end up inconveniencing my teammates by being 15 minutes late. <p>Never again. I need to stop trying to be everything for everybody. If I am not well I cannot do anything for anybody. <p>Minnie<p>Sent from my iPhoneMinnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-44815771030053018522011-04-05T10:07:00.000-07:002011-04-05T10:07:46.636-07:00Minimizing the Conflicts in My Life Minimizes My Pain<div style="color: #4c4c4c; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Physically staying active is important.&nbsp; Eating right is important.&nbsp; Sleeping well is super important.&nbsp; Speaking of sleeping well, when there is a lot on our minds, we all know sleep is not easily achievable.&nbsp; Constant stress from underlying concerns, issues, inner-conflicts, external conflicts, etc… also contribute to pain, as stress lowers our serotonin levels, exposing us to higher levels of pain perception (as substance-P takes over weakened serotonin levels in our brains).</span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Why am I talking about this?&nbsp; Well, I want to focus on a different aspect of well-being in this post, a small diversion from my usual focus of the physical, only because I do believe our sub consciousness plays a huge role in our physical conditions.&nbsp; When things aren’t right, there is always an explanation beyond “oh it’s because I have fibro,” which I think is lame, not because I think fibro is lame, but because I believe that every flare-up has a logical explanation.&nbsp; And that logical explanation leads to prevention or elimination of pain when it re-occurs.</span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My health has generally been amazing since I started exercising years ago, as I have been saying all along.&nbsp; However, I have noticed that I have been feeling "less better" quite often starting…hmm, let’s say almost 9 months ago?&nbsp; I was definitely waking up feeling more tired, less rested, and with more pain in my neck and shoulders than usual.&nbsp; While it took me a while to identify where it was really coming from, in hindsight it definitely became as clear as day.&nbsp;</span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Let’s start backwards.&nbsp; March 10 was my last day at my last job.&nbsp; Let’s just say that I defined that as my last day at any kind of a large, structured corporation, where politics rule over productivity and professional growth.&nbsp; To date, I have spent my career working at very reputable Fortune 100 companies – I am fortunate to have had the experience, but now I am ready for a change.&nbsp; See, I think that mindset has been brewing inside me for a while, but it took some terrible and very unfair experiences at the workplace for me to finally see that I was no longer to stay there.&nbsp; Long story short, starting September/October of last year, things got pretty bad at work and although I worked hard, ate fairly healthy and exercised hard as usual, I was just feeling worn down, felt more pain than usual on a daily basis...also my immune system weakened drastically, suffering from a bad flu and several cold symptoms repeatedly, which was something I didn’t have to deal with for years.&nbsp; My last two months at work were really tough, just feeling like I was being dragged into the office mindlessly, as I was so conflicted within about who I believed I was versus who I was living as.&nbsp; I knew I no longer belonged, but I kept going because I gave them a commitment – but my heart and mind were already moving on to the vision and hope for the next move, my next career…&nbsp; man, every day was just a challenge.&nbsp;</span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have to say, the first week after March 10 was one of my best-feeling weeks in recent months.&nbsp; Then and only then did I realize, oh wow, not having that gut wrenching feeling anymore, not feeling conflicted anymore, despite the risk of just resigning without my next career position lined up, freed me from a lot of the pain I was feeling.&nbsp; I woke up and I didn’t feel like I was run over by a truck.&nbsp; I woke up and I could immediately get up.&nbsp; I woke up ready to start the day.&nbsp; I was happy.&nbsp; That weight in my mind, heart and soul were gone – and physically I was better.</span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Being true to myself and taking the risk was the best decision I have made in a while.&nbsp; It really helped me realize how important it is for me to let go of any complications in life that are possible for me to get rid of.&nbsp; Let go and set myself free – that was what I needed to do.&nbsp; I am focused on building my future now, not focused on getting through the day at a place where I felt completely minimized and overused.&nbsp; I am looking forward to the future that I am working towards, and that gives me hope, and that hope gives me energy, turning on those serotonins in my brain and charging up my spirit.&nbsp; I am devoting myself to the future, and not the past.&nbsp; I am finally one with myself – then my body got better.&nbsp;</span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Is there anything that you are holding on to, afraid of letting go because of the risks involved, or just making small decisions that you don’t feel comfortable with but making them anyway because of external pressure?&nbsp; Do your concerns keep you up at night, make you frown, and weigh you down, both mentally and physically?&nbsp; Do you feel conflicted between what you want and what you think others want?&nbsp; Let it all go – do what you feel is right in your heart, and even if there are risks involved, just go with it with hope.&nbsp; If you are aware of the risks, all you have to do is just be prepared for it and face them as you go.&nbsp; At least that is what I’m telling myself.&nbsp; I’m feeling better and just more hopeful.&nbsp; I am charged, and I am able to renew my determination every day.&nbsp; And that makes me healthier – which gives me more energy to keep pushing along, to find my next awesome adventure in my career, train for my races and prep for my future with joy.&nbsp;</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4c4c4c; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">There are a lot of external sources of stress.&nbsp; We can’t control what happens around us, but we can control whatever stress and conflicts that reside within – let’s start from there and eliminate or minimize yet another factor that could cause some of the flare-ups that we hate so much!</span></span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-59341990100230244462011-03-23T11:16:00.001-07:002011-03-23T11:16:25.269-07:00Bad Sleep NightHad a pretty long swim session yesterday (2200 meters). Yet had very poor sleep last nite, chances of proper recovery is shot, and my muscles are feeling it. <p>Managed to take a quick nap and I do feel slightly better. <p>Drinking lots of water and stretching out my body thruout the day. Will attempt a 60 min bike session on the trainer as well. <p>We all know, some days are good, some days are a little harder. <p>Sent from my iPhoneMinnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-27039140920910322732011-03-21T14:43:00.001-07:002011-03-21T14:43:47.995-07:00Eat Your Colors!<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ea4YjPsfRK8/TYfGlDzvP-I/AAAAAAAAADg/c91cTK7KFXI/s1600/photo-727997.JPG"><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ea4YjPsfRK8/TYfGlDzvP-I/AAAAAAAAADg/c91cTK7KFXI/s320/photo-727997.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5586652202756161506" /></a></p>Today&#39;s lunch - are you eating your colors peeps? Keep it fresh and colorful! I am adding a little hummus on the side for some healthy fats (olive oil + chick peas).Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-9476440444405801452011-03-20T12:10:00.001-07:002011-03-20T12:10:55.858-07:00Cheering on the LA Marathoners...It is torrential downpour n wind in LA today... Cheering on the runners, soaking wet, freezing... But so proud of them, my dear friends that r on the course. I wish I was on the course with them... Next time I am sure I will be. <p>Just thinking about the amazing tenacity of my friends that are pushing thru the rain, the cold, n the fatigue that is starting to really set in..at this point it is all a mental fight. <p>May God be there to strengthen u when u r weak. Then make it all yours to push thru the finish line!!<p><br>Sent from my iPhoneMinnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-35313039918899047022011-03-19T14:15:00.000-07:002011-03-19T14:15:03.124-07:00When one dream dies, Dream your next Dream<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Post my first 16 mile run, I suffered injuries from a bruised left shin bone.&nbsp; It turns out that it was a result of a misalignment of my left side that primarily came from my weak left glutes (think butt cheek!).&nbsp; I was fascinated by how the connections from my hip all the way down to my foot could basically cause such a collapse as one part started weakening.&nbsp; I have tried many times to run again, only to result in massive pain in my ankle and foot.&nbsp; After assessing the bruise and how weak my left glute has become, I had to give up on my dream to finish the LA Marathon&nbsp; – my FIRST marathon.&nbsp; WAH!~&nbsp; I was very discouraged, I felt like a failure, my ego was bruised… I was upset to say the least.&nbsp; Luckily, I had a two week vacation in Argentina to help me overcome the disappointment faster, but limping on hikes and sometimes on just random walks and short runs were hurtful reminders that I was not going to be able to do the marathon.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I kept telling people, “yeah, I’m not doing the marathon…I’m injured...i tried my best, but 16 miles was the max my body could handle.”&nbsp; Then I just got sick of hearing myself say words of defeat over and over.&nbsp; I had to ask myself, ok, what’s next??<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Two objectives:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><ol><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Strengthen weak parts of my body, re-establish structural integrity of my body</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">7/30 Vineman Aquabike – 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike.&nbsp; NO RUN (hooray!)</span></li></ol><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Which means, I get to still train with a goal while working on my weaknesses.&nbsp; I’m already sick of talking about my injury and WHY I’m not doing the LA marathon – so I need to move on and talk about what I will be doing instead!&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When one dream dies, dream your next dream… don’t dwell on old disappointments, don’t fold your enthusiasm because of a road block…even road blocks are a platform to grow and improve, depending on what you do with it.&nbsp; Does this mean that I will not run again?&nbsp; No – I will work on strengthening my hips and legs (and I’ve been saying this for years, but obviously I need to do it BETTER), while still expanding my swimming and biking capabilities.&nbsp; When I know I can try again for a marathon, I will go for it.&nbsp; I have not dropped my BIG dream, which is to one day complete an Ironman distance triathlon.&nbsp; I’m just working towards it…whatever path is presented before me (obviously that path is way longer than I thought!), I must follow and keep striving.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Big dreams, then smaller dreams that make us get us there…we must DO to achieve them..and DOING includes trying, failing, and yes of course, succeeding, which is the most exhilarating part of it all.&nbsp; I crave that moment, and it is my hunger for that sense of accomplishment that I’m willing to weather a few failures too on the way…<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This week’s small successes:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Got back on the bike – for the first time since May last year.&nbsp; I know, pathetic!&nbsp; But guess what, I got back, and I’m starting from scratch and building up…</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Got back on the swim – for the first time since September last year.&nbsp; I have gained about 15 seconds to my 100m.&nbsp; So I obviously have another swim goal for the next month or so :)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Identified key problem areas that contributed to my injury and developed exercise program that would help eliminate those problems (and already did a couple of sessions…whoa, serious soreness, but already feel the difference!)</span></li></ul><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My mind is focused, my body is already waking up from the various ailments as I removed one significant conflicting element in my life (will have another blog entry on this), and I am just amazingly ready for what’s next.&nbsp; I feel that I’m finally back to where I was, mind and body, when I was prepping for my half ironman race in 2009.&nbsp; Clean body, clean mind, just a very very clear focus and amazing level of positive energy… man, it took a while to get back to that state.&nbsp;&nbsp;</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, what is your next dream? &nbsp;And what are you going to do today to get closer?</span></div>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-85225243610671568782011-01-30T23:19:00.000-08:002011-01-30T23:33:13.135-08:00My first 16 Mile Run - I Surprised Myself!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I had one of those amazing run days. &nbsp;Not just because I ran my longest distance to date, but all the more because it was one of those days where I felt like I could run forever (except for a few sharp pain in the hip here and there).</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Yesterday, I did a 5 mile trail run with a friend - I was pretty sore from it this morning. &nbsp;I slept in, took my time to loosen up, waited until I felt a bit more recovered. &nbsp;I had debated postponing the 16 miler to tomorrow, but I knew there was no way I had 4 extra hours to dedicate to my already full day (all day work, evening networking event). &nbsp;I had to just try it out and hope for the best. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here's a quick summary of my run, from pre-run prep to post-run care.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u>Pre-run Prep</u></span><br /><br /><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Power breakfast: &nbsp;steel-cut oatmeal + 10g protein powder (whey) + 1 tablespoon of Almond butter + fresh blackberries = nutrition and yummy taste! &nbsp;</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Coffee</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hydration and fuel prep: &nbsp;Water, Heed mix, and pasty mix of Perpetuem in a flask (and on to my fuel belt)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Dynamic stretching and warmup</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Mental prep</span></li></ul><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u>Run</u></span></div><div><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Miles 1-4: &nbsp;from home to the Marina. &nbsp;cloudy but no rain. &nbsp;a bit of a wind. &nbsp;easy strides, not even thinking how many more miles to go, as it would only discourage me</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">5-8: back towards home. &nbsp;started drizzling around mile 6. &nbsp;left glute slightly starting to hurt. &nbsp;took forever to find the right fit with the left shoe - adjusted shoe laces at least 6 times</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Stop at home, refill water and change into something warmer, as I was freezing for some reason</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">8-12: rain starts POURING down as I run back out. &nbsp;however, only lasts about 10 minutes, then drizzle, then...at mile 9, sunshine. &nbsp;still windy. &nbsp;around mile 10, a bit of dizziness started bugging me, feeling a little nauseous... went away in about 15 minutes. left glute really starting to hurt. &nbsp;</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">12-16: kinda in disbelief that i'm still able to run, while appreciating the 1 minute walk breaks every so often to stretch out my hips. &nbsp;at mile 13.3ish, my left hip (in the back) snapped and almost felt like the joint repositioned itself or something. &nbsp;It was painful, but it was quick. &nbsp;calves were really burning, piriformis (both butt cheeks) were HURTING. &nbsp;However, amazingly, I was able to pick up speed in the last mile, up to my first 4 mile speed! &nbsp;I didn't understand where I was getting all this energy. &nbsp;I could have gone 2 more miles if I were forced to. &nbsp;Unbelievable feeling of joy and surprise as I finished.</span></li></ul><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u>Post-run Stuff</u> </span><br /><br /><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Recoverite: &nbsp;has protein and glutamine, helps muscle recovery. &nbsp;the chocolate taste doesn't hurt! &nbsp;Hammer Nutrition products have been so amazing for me - love their quality products (Heed and Perpetuem are also Hammer products)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Rewarding myself with my favorite Triple Berry Cake from Sweet Lady Jane! &nbsp;Our bodies can absorb and burn off pretty much whatever we eat within its first 20 minute window after an intense workout. &nbsp;I took advantage of that window :)</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Coffee - caffeine eases the pain</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Stretch - hamstrings, calves, hip flexors, quads...</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ice - on those hips!</span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hot shower</span></li></ul><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I couldn't contain the surprise and joy I was feeling from today's run. &nbsp;Another milestone, but this time achieved under superb conditions. &nbsp;I hydrated regularly, I refueled every 30-45 minutes, I started slow and maintained consistency, I just thought about the finish...not when I would finish, but that I will finish, I will not give up, and that I'll be so happy when i'm done. &nbsp;And so it happened. &nbsp;</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My muscles are definitely more sore than my usual runs - I ran harder, and I ran the longest. &nbsp; It reminds me of how sore I was after my first half marathon nearly 4 years ago. &nbsp;I've come a long way.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Had fresh veggies and lean chicken and beef for dinner - and drank a lot of water throughout the evening. &nbsp;</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Next weekend is 18 miles. &nbsp;I can definitely do it!!!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Usually fatigue reaches its max 2 days after a big event - at least for me. &nbsp;Tomorrow I'll be ok, but Tuesday could get a bit challenging. &nbsp;If there are any random changes, I will update...until then, I will just enjoy the awesome memories from today's unexpected triumph.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Good night</span></div></div></div>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-3252397637200277482011-01-29T19:51:00.000-08:002011-01-29T19:51:59.195-08:0016 miles Tomorrow....my longest run EVER<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i'm mentally getting ready for my first 16-mile run ever. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">it's going to be very very tough, especially after 10 miles...but I will finish it, even if it requires me to walk some of it...it's about getting the mileage in order to prepare for the 26.2 miles. &nbsp;</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">it's amazing how i'm so nervous about 16 miles, but on race day i'm still going to have to run another 10 miles after that! &nbsp;it's definitely hitting me more and more how tough this marathon is going to be. &nbsp;therefore, I should prepare accordingly.</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">can't wait to update my blog tomorrow after the run is done! &nbsp;what will i end up saying????</span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-2222293128977162912011-01-23T23:38:00.001-08:002011-01-23T23:38:52.859-08:0012 miles done!A quick word before I go to bed. <p>I wasn&#39;t feeling all that great so I didn&#39;t know I could do it. <p>Even in moments I thought my legs were too tired, I was able to accelerate!<p>The first 3 miles are always the most challenging, as the body struggles to find its pace. Miles 3-7 feel nicer, your body gets into a rhythm, with proper hydration and nutrition (Hammer Perpetuem Solids!). Miles 8-10, pain starts kicking in so does doubt. Once you get thru the period of self doubt and beat the constant temptation to quit, the last two miles become actually sorta fun because despite the pain u can taste the finish. <p>Came home and stretched, iced those crazy inflamed hips while drinking Hammer&#39;s Recoverite. It&#39;s got protein and glutamine that help muscle recovery - it has done wonders for me! Ate Indian food (a great treat!) for dinner. And drank lots of water. <p>I will be proud of being sore tomorrow. <p>Good night!<br>Sent via BlackBerry by AT&amp;TMinnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-20564905264736332082011-01-22T18:31:00.000-08:002011-01-22T18:31:20.855-08:00We are what we See, We are what we Think<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Reviewing the past three weeks…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Massive jetlag upon my return from Korea,<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sleepless nights finishing up a project the week following,<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Announced to my current employer that I will be leaving (without my next job in place) and started a massive search,<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A nasty sinus infection this week…<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">…all leading up to one thing:&nbsp; CRAPPY TRAINING.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Leading a life with a full time (more like over-time) career, training for a marathon, trying to look for the next move in my career, trying to eat healthy and regularly while traveling more than usual, with a chronic pain condition…requires serious planning and maintenance.&nbsp; While I hate to blame my condition for having to set limits to my activities, when it comes to the activities I commit to, I make sure I place high discretion in what I choose to do (or not do, e.g. not getting enough sleep) and when.&nbsp; Especially in a professional setting, I make sure my responsibilities are met and I allow no excuses for any delays or underperformance.&nbsp; This means, when the work needs to get done, I get it done no matter what, and I worry about getting enough rest later when no one is looking.&nbsp; That is why exercise and eating well are hugely important me, because they help me keep the energy flowing and relieve stress.&nbsp; If I sat around worrying about a possible flare-up because of working too hard and not getting enough sleep, really that wouldn’t do me any good – it would not only make me unprofessional, but it would also be something like anticipating something bad to happen (and trust me, if you anticipate it, it happens!).&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sometimes, chaos happens.&nbsp; It feels uncontrollable, but only I can bring back order – not by throwing in the towel and making everything stop, but by planning when to rest and when to work, when to eat and when to sleep, when to socialize and when to be alone.&nbsp; And also, the attitude of not fretting in “scary” moments (when you think something will be bad for your condition, or would cause a symptom, etc.) and the flexibility to revise and re-plan preexisting schedules are absolutely necessary.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Training for the last 3 weeks were very wishy washy.&nbsp; But I did maintain a semi-regular schedule of moderate-paced shorter runs (4-5 miles), and finished, in snail’s pace, a 15 miler just last weekend.&nbsp; Whatever I could do, I did.&nbsp; And instead of beating myself up for what I couldn’t accomplish, I felt good about what I was able to accomplish.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Well that is about to change for the next 3-4 weeks, until I leave for Argentina.&nbsp; As my sinus infection is clearing out, I’m pumped about my 12 mile run tomorrow.&nbsp; Yesterday’s quick 4-miler felt pretty good.&nbsp; Today, I took it easy with a yoga session and a somewhat strenuous upper body/core strength exercise, in light of tomorrow’s long run.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What’s amazing is that by the time I leave for Argentina, I will have done my first 20-mile run – EVER!&nbsp; I wonder how I will feel during and after that run, but all I know is that if I somehow get thru it, no matter how slow, I can do the LA Marathon.&nbsp; One thing I do caution though, is how it is going to affect my body afterwards – how will my recovery be?&nbsp; Where will I hurt, if at all (besides the obvious legs and hips, of course)?&nbsp; But I won’t know until I try… until then I have to just keep building up my endurance level.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I was sort of in tears the other night, just randomly thinking about all the adventures to come, and realizing how far I’ve come to be able to enjoy them all.&nbsp; 4-5 years ago, I was bed-ridden like clockwork, every other week, felt like life meant nothing, felt like I meant nothing…with nowhere to go in my future.&nbsp; Here I am now, planning my first marathon, planning my adventure to Patagonia in Argentina, and gearing up for the next stage in my career with obscene excitement for something new!&nbsp; Had I not recalled the moment of my first triathlon when I was lying in bed sobbing, had I not taken that first step to walk 20 minutes around my neighborhood to start my training for my comeback triathlon, had I not used myself as my own guinea pig to try all sorts of different strategies and approaches to improve my health, where would I be right now?&nbsp; Could I have possibly fathomed this kind of amazing future when I was sulking in self-pity almost half a decade ago?&nbsp; No…but at some point I did know that life wasn’t supposed to feel that way, life wasn’t supposed to feel dreadful and sad and meaningless.&nbsp; So just kinda went forward to reverse it…little did I know I’d be here right now.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">People ask, how did I do it?&nbsp; To be honest, I mean, it’s not like I had a master plan when I started this whole thing.&nbsp; It’s not like I knew what to do.&nbsp; I just knew what it was supposed to feel like.&nbsp; I went where my heart told me to go…when my heart was wrong, I stepped back and took a different route…which still came from my heart.&nbsp; When I failed, I put that aside and tried something else.&nbsp; When I succeeded, I repeated it.&nbsp; I think my past blog posts do contain some of the things I’ve tried that worked and some things I tried but didn’t work at all.&nbsp; All in all, I just tried whatever I read and heard of that I thought pertained to me.&nbsp; And then found what worked for me.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I wish I could help those who don’t know where to start.&nbsp; But before you even do anything, maybe we start at what we are thinking first?&nbsp; What are you thinking about your life?&nbsp; Where do you want to be in 6 months?&nbsp; 1 year?&nbsp; 5 years?&nbsp; Are you seeing yourself happy, kicking butt, experiencing what the world has to offer?&nbsp; Or are you seeing yourself in bed, in pain, feeling sad, in a dark, dark room?&nbsp; I do think that the moment I started to change my life was when I started seeing myself differently.&nbsp; I saw myself crossing that finish line that once made me feel like a badass.&nbsp; I kept seeing it…so I had to make myself cross it again.&nbsp; 6 months later, I did.&nbsp; :)&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What do you see in front of you?&nbsp; What do you see inside of you?&nbsp; Is there chaos, darkness, and confusion?&nbsp; What can you do to bring order, light and understanding?&nbsp; What are you thinking?&nbsp; Hopelessness, being the victim, and loneliness?&nbsp; Or are you thinking hope, victory and love?&nbsp; We are how we see ourselves, and we are what we think!&nbsp; We have the power to change what we are, where we are…and sometimes even who we are.&nbsp; Unfortunately yet very fortunately, no one else can do it for us.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am not a victim of this painful condition.&nbsp; I may have it, I have to deal with it, but I will do more BECAUSE of it, not in spite of it.&nbsp; When it hurts, laugh it off, endure thru it, then get back up.&nbsp; Control and plan as much as you can, but what you can’t, just be open and flexible about the change in our lives…&nbsp; if we have the vision of success, hope, joy, health and happiness, the chaos that happens occasionally should not threaten us.&nbsp; The goal is the finish line of life – where we ought to raise are hands up in the air and make that big leap with a big, giant smile – whatever comes in between, we just gotta get through it with the knowing that the finish line is there.&nbsp; And that we’re going to smile then.&nbsp; Create your happy finish line moment.&nbsp; Keep that picture in your head.&nbsp; And let’s take steps, small, immediate steps, that we think will take us closer and closer…<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This blog kinda sounds more like a speech…I got carried away.&nbsp;&nbsp;:)&nbsp;&nbsp;</span><o:p></o:p></div>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3401034486681531549.post-85573196194218041222010-12-29T14:03:00.000-08:002010-12-29T14:12:05.549-08:00Facing the Past and Forgiving it. For Good.<span style="font-family: &quot;Trebuchet MS&quot;, sans-serif;">I'm in Seoul, visiting my family.&nbsp; After some years in the US together, my family eventually moved back to Seoul when I was in college.&nbsp; I used to visit every year until about 3 years ago, which coincided with the timing of my so-called evolution into a happier, healthier person.&nbsp; </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Without getting into much detail, and I write all this out of tremendous respect for my family, I don't meant to insult them in any way, but writing about this is important to me because I think I am here, after years of absence, because it is time for me to close the loop and move forward.&nbsp; </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Old habits live at home.&nbsp; Bad eating habits, an environment discouraging towards exercise and active lifestyles, and excuses prevail on how to NOT improve what's not right.&nbsp; My family, in general, is comfortable with where they are.&nbsp; Their views are completely different than mine, which is why I had to keep my distance for years and years and years...&nbsp; </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">They are aware of my athletic pursuits.&nbsp; However, they are not fully aware of my fibromyalgia condition and how it relates to my athletic and lifestyle choices.&nbsp; I am usually made fun of and looked at with odd wonder as to why I am who I am.&nbsp; Even the kids in the family (my brothers' children) ask:&nbsp; "If it is so hard, why are you doing it all the time?"&nbsp; My compassionate suggestions&nbsp;as to&nbsp;how to manage back pain and&nbsp;leg pain via exercise (pretty much every adult in the family complains about some kind of pain all the time), how to eat right, why exercise is important, etc etc etc...usually get dismissed with every excuse and vehement denial in the book.&nbsp; The absence of individuality and enforcement of strong group mentality encourages "safe" decisions and actions, not necessarily the best for each individual, but usually the most mediocre for the group.&nbsp; </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I see this, and I feel this - and it really leads me back to so many of the old habits I had and i lived with that unfortunately contributed somewhat to my current condition.&nbsp; It is almost hard to forgive myself for having accepted them in my life before, which resulted in some serious low times of my life.&nbsp; And that is probably why it has been so hard for me to come home for a few years.&nbsp; I was still trying to let go and forgive my past for the poor choices and decisions I made.&nbsp; I still wasn't sure what I was to expect during this trip.&nbsp;&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">This morning I&nbsp;woke up&nbsp;way early thanks to jet lag.&nbsp; The minute I opened my eyes, however,&nbsp;a thought hit me.&nbsp; "I am who I am, they are who they are."&nbsp; Suddenly, i realized that my life now and my life in the future, could never be&nbsp;threatened by my past just because&nbsp;my past happens to still be my family's present.&nbsp; And if they are "happy" with theirs, who am&nbsp;I to tell them they need to change, when they don't see the need?&nbsp; I don't agree with their beliefs and excuses, but the blessing in disguise is that somehow and in some way&nbsp;at certain points in my life I've made the choices to get out of the old and find whatever was&nbsp;new that could&nbsp;pull me out of my state of doubt and limitations.&nbsp; </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I may never find that special connection with my family that I always believed existed and should exist in every family.&nbsp; However, I have ultra special connections in my life all over the world that I have never expected before.&nbsp; Seeing my past, until now, was seeing shame.&nbsp; However, now, seeing my past has become seeing the amazing present and exciting future I fought so hard to create with one blind vision of what it is supposed to be, for me. For that reason, I can now forgive my past a little more.&nbsp; </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I am running on the treadmill in my parent's house (it is only used when i'm in town, which means for the past 3 years it was just sitting around collecting dust), and everyone looks at me funny.&nbsp; Well, keep looking at me funny, because I'm going to keep doing what I believe is right.&nbsp; I will do my first marathon in March that you think is so meaningless, I will keep finding changes and challenges in my life that you think are risky, and I will keep working on the awesome and beautifully&nbsp;amalgamated&nbsp;future of work/love/charity that you don't believe exists.&nbsp;</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Who I am doesn't make me better than anyone else.&nbsp; I don't think at all my family is any less than me - they are different.&nbsp; We were the same before, but a split happened over time - as much as i had hoped that they would not judge me for who i have become, I have to do the same&nbsp;by&nbsp;not&nbsp;judging or criticizing them&nbsp;for what they are not doing.&nbsp; When I feel upset about it, it is only because I care about their health and their future and that I want so badly for them to see the changes in their lives that became apparent to me when I took my first steps.&nbsp; But I cannot control their choices, I can only control mine.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I have faced my past, and that is what it will be remain as for the rest of my life, The Past.&nbsp; As a financial professional, I know that a value of a company is the sum of its FUTURE cash flows.&nbsp; If i apply the same principle, really, the value of my life is the sum of my FUTURE decisions and choices... the past has NOTHING to do with it.&nbsp; So why not just look forward as I&nbsp;fully let go and forgive my past, and be ok with seeing some if it when I see my family very infrequently.&nbsp; If i am strong enough, I definitely should be able to.&nbsp; So I will, because I am now stronger than ever.</span>Minnie S. Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142661270790266823noreply@blogger.com0