ABOUT THIS ALBUM

Album Notes

These are a few of my early songs written mostly in the eighties. I began writing music almost as soon as I learned to play. When my older sister returned from college with a cheap acoustic guitar; I immediately borrowed it and began to teach myself. I was 15 at the time. The writing just came naturally whatever I would contemplate simply turned into lyrics and music, when I laid down to sleep, was driving or just sitting quietly, I would hear the song in my head and then write it down and learn to play what I had heard, that was the most difficult part for at times I would hear a full orchestra. Sometimes they would come in my dreams and I would suddenly awaken with the thought that I'd better get up and write it down.At first my songs were sad until one day I got really tired of that and stopped right in the middle of a composition and declared I would not write any more depressing songs. My entire musical style changed that day and I began hearing things differently from a wiser part of my mind which often seemed to be beyond my emotional maturity, the wisdom came out of me before I was actually capable of living what I was saying. Most songs were inspired by a situation that I either lived personally or observed and was moved by. Several of these songs are actual true stories from my life.The title cut came to me, after I attended a concert by Micheal LeGrande at Grady Gammage in Tempe, it came so fast I could barely right it down quick enough. I was working on the movie American Anthem at the time and would scribble down verses between takes. My lover at the time had spent most of the summer that year in Europe and I took off the day after his return to work on the film, so we were apart for long periods of time. He was still struggling to overcome six years spent in Vietnam and tumors all over his body from being exposed to agent orange, a life full of turmoil and hate and the burden of being privy to the knowledge, & intent, the future plans of the secret government for the implementation of the New World Order. He was in a state of chaos. I believed there was another way and the contemplation of that spurred by Micheal’s beautiful music brought forth this song. ONLY LOVE SONGSI tried to touch you but you turned awayI longed to show you what I see,To reach the pain you’ve locked within your heart And set it freeSo many hearts are full of fearTo many eyes no path is clearWe pass each day and never see, within our heart, we hold the key

We think the fear we hide is ours aloneWe wander helpless thru the nightUntil someone thru love will touch our heartAnd make it rightAnd so thru love we start to grow We learn to let our feelings showAt last we know the time is rightAnd finally we can see the light

Don’t be afraid to take a chance on love,Be strong don’t turn and run awayWe’ll leave the hate the war, the pain behindAnd see the dayWhen all the world will live in peaceNo tears to cry all babes will eatWhen every heart will beat as oneAnd only love songs will be sung

What do you do when you’re a person who believe in passive resistance, Civil disobedience, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, the equality and the right of every person to live as they choose and God in all things seen and unseen; and you fall in love with a mercenary? Knowing we are divine eternal beings; you dream of a time and a place where you can be together and happy tho you don’t know where or when or even if such a place exists in this galaxy, you just know there is:SOMETIME, SOMEPLACE, SOMEWHEREI can see us on the beach walking hand in hand upon the shore, smiling all the while sharing love and so much more, and I see us in the forest planting flowers by the doorand I see two arms enfold me with love forever more

I can see you at your easel as I sing you sweet love songsAnd I see us happy in the desert where once everything was wrongand I see us in your homeland growing love upon the farmPicking flowers in the springtime, thru the meadow arm in arm

I can smile now in my heart for I know that we’ll be therein a home that’s full of lovesometime, someplace, somewhere

I can see us making love in the fields of SaskatoonI can feel your heart beating and your presence in my roomand I see us climb the mountain and stand upon the peakand I hear you say you love me when you speak

I can smile now in my heart for I know that we’ll be therein a home that’s full of loveSometime, someplace, somewhere copyright 1988As Phoenix grew and grew we moved about every eight years further and further out as Phoenix kept swallowing us up. In mid 1963 we moved out of the suburbs into the rural area of North Phoenix. Roxanne showed up to welcome us to the neighborhood and tho she was several years my younger we became lifelong friends. Raised in a strict Mormon family, she was as gregarious and adventurous as they were religious. I loved her boldness and watched as she tried to live true to herself in spite of their condemnation. It was her who sent me on a life of always seeking a greater truth because she once asked me something I couldn’t answer that and her criticism of my complacency towards a system based on lies. We believed in reincarnation, her family didn’t and my search for knowledge to support that belief led me to where I am today. Thank- you Roxanne!

ROXANNE copyright 1980Roxanne do you remember when we vowed we’d never parttwo little girls with fairy tales and promise in their heartsour prince would com, our kids would grow, and we’d live next door, to each other for sureI’d marry first and have a son, he’d grow big and strongand in a while about two years you girl would come alongthey’d grow up friends as we had done and when the time was right, they’d become man & wife

Roxanne, where did they go, the dreams we wanted so, were they all just fairy tales doomed at the start, are they still in your heart

They taught us how to cook and sew to be a perfect wifethey never said a word about what single life w’be likehow did they think we’d learn to cope believing we were wrong and wondering where we belonged

Roxanne, where did they go, the dreams we wanted so, were they all just fairy tales; doomed at the start, are they still in your heart

The years they come, the men they go, your children grow so fastand thru the years our friendships been the only thing that lastsSometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, sometimes we wonder why, we feel what we do inside

Roxanne, why didn’t they know; their dreams never could growFor Guinevere; Sir Lancelot will never come no more, there’s no return to what was beforeand Roxanne how shall I cope, my heart keeps getting brokeI didn’t want those dreams to die, or see them torn apart, from what they were at the startAre they still in your heart; and now we’ve grow apart, so tell me; what’s in your heart

I LOVE YOU copyright 1984Love was just there and then it grew, I didn’t know if you felt it toowas it remembrance of a life gone by? I didn’t question or wonder whyI tried to block it out those first days, I was afraid to think of you that wayI didn’t know where it would lead, I was afraid that I would need youNow I know love’s here to stay, I’m never gonna let it slip away, never gonna forget to say, I love you

You’ve got a family and so do I; we could have let this love pass us byI was afraid we’d go too far but now I’m so happy with where we areNow I know love’s here to stay, I’m never gonna let it slip away, never gonna forget to say, I love youPeople get so caught up in the world today, they forget to say they care, they let friends slip awayNow I know love’s here to stay, I’m never gonna let it slip away, never gonna forget to say, I love youI love you, I love you, I love you!TELL HIM

WE ONLY TOUCH IN DREAMS copyright 1989You once told me, I was the only, beautiful thing you’d had in your lifetho we‘re apart, I’d be in your heart, for the rest of all timeWe walked together, dreamed of forever, strolled on the beach, made love in the sandthe passion I felt, made all my fears melt, with one touch of your handBut now; we only touch in dreams and it’s been forever it seemssince I’ve been with you, since I’ve been with you,

I know it’s no use, but I can’t turn loose, of what I once worked so hard to gainwith all I know, I would still go back to the beach and do it againCan’t you see since you touched me I’m not the same as I was beforeI’ve been changed and rearranged and I stand here wanting moreBut now; we only touch in dreams and it’s been forever it seemssince I’ve been with you, since I’ve been with you,

The first miracle I was acutely aware of occurred after we arrived in Phoenix from my birth place Terre Haute, Indiana. I missed my grandmother, the cardinals, our neighbors, and snow; terribly, and when I asked God for snow at Christmas, it did, in Phoenix, several times over my life there. After I’d been in Nashville about a year and a half my world started falling apart around me and I went into fear. I sat on my bed crying, I had worked so hard to make ends meet but it was never enough. I was about to lose my home in Phoenix, my car and everything I owned. Unable to sell my Phoenix house in the horrible market of the early 1990’s, I had rented it out and the tenants had moved in and stopped paying their rent. They hadn’t paid for six months and had refused to leave. I had used my own rent money and the money for my car payment to cover the house payment and the only way I was going to resolve the problem was to leave my job in Nashville and return to Phoenix and go thru the process of evicting them. If I did that I would lose everything for then I would have no way to pay any of it. I sobbed and sobbed, but it just seemed to make it worse. In anger I screamed at God, “How could you let this happen to me? I try really hard to be a good person & to live righteously, but no matter what I do it is never enough! I don’t know how to deal with this fear how can I overcome this if every time I am faced with lack, I react with panic and fear? Why do I keep having to deal with this over and over again, I asked. I buried my head in my arms and cried some more. Suddenly I heard a knock at the door and without moving found myself standing in front of it. I opened the door and in front of me stood a postman. “Special delivery” he said handing me a small envelope. I took it, said thank you, and shut the door. Who would be sending me a special delivery, I questioned. I turned around and I began opening it, pulling a small note card out of the envelope. I opened the card and read. “Your fear of the immediate future cannot suppress the great opportunities awaiting you!” I felt a wave of warm honey pour over and thru my body. I closed my eyes to rub away the tears and when I opened them I was back sitting on my bed again. I got up and went to the desk and made a big sign for my wall with the words my God had given me. I never wanted to forget again, that there was something greater waiting for me on the other side of my fears.

A LITTLE MIRACLE copyright 1981I used to think life had passed me by, back then alone at night I criedI used to fear the things I know, and then wonder why it’s soWhen every dream I had had died, nothing left but sorrow deep insidewhen no more beauty could be found, somehow you turned my world aroundand every time that I lost hope and felt I could no longer copeEvery time my sky was grey, you sent a little miracle my wayA little miracle I'd see, to let me know how much you care for meto let me know you're always there, every moment every wherenow when I see the sky above, my heart is overwhelmed with loveThe sun the moon the earth below, have so much beauty that I knowthat no matter what I see, on the road that's meant for meand tho I'm far away from home, I will never be aloneAnd no matter where I go, tho the path be long and slowin my heart I know I'll see, a little miracle just for meA little miracle each day, to give me strength along the waya little hope a little love, sent from up above

As I did more and more songwriting I tried experimenting with different styles of music. I set myself a goal of writing a song that sounded like a four hundred year old English or Irish folk tune. With my husband off somewhere around the world on a new adventure and me still stuck in Phoenix, this is what I got. MY LOVE 1990My love is like a fertile seed that the wind takes away from me, and wherever he falls he plants his roots and grows into a tree,and he’s planted there in the ground till he blooms and grows againTill the cycle’s complete, & he’s off on a breeze to somewhere he’s never been

I am like the tree whose seed falls straight to the ground and it grows and it spreads until there is an orchard around, but my love is the only pollen that this tree will ever know, so till the wind brings him back again from my seed no tree will grow.My love is like a fertile seed that the wind takes away from me and wherever he falls he plants his roots and grows into a tree.

After many years of being a slave to a man’s wishes and desires while denying my own I realized that I had denied my love of god for eight years because he was an atheist. I was still angry at the Catholic Church and I didn’t accept the doctrines of any religion, but I knew I was a being who loved God in all things and I wanted to live as such. In an attempt to restore my own power I refused to live his life anymore and began doing all the things I had denied myself for eight years and, he told me to leave. I was devastated; I had somehow fooled myself into believing he also wanted what was best for me. In retrospect I can say it was the best thing that ever happened; for I began for the first time respecting my own wishes and dreams as relevant and important, but not before I went thru a period of mourning and crying. I love this song and especially the music, but the lyrics aren’t the truth, THANK GOD!!! CAUSE THE ONLY ONE FOR EACH OF US IS OUR DIVINE SELF THE ONLY ONE 1980Here I sit without you, thinking just about you, everyone says I'm a foolLife goes on around me, still each day has found me, dreaming of the day when you'llTake me in your arms and be just a man in love with me

Since the day I met you, never could forget you, to all others I was blindGod put us together, said it was forever, but you say that you’re not mineStill a voice inside of me, tells me that you'll always be, the only one

Seasons come and go now, still I miss you so now, silent tears still fill my heartLove goes on forever, but if I could I'd sever, cut the wound out of my heartStill a voice inside of me, tells me that you'll always be, the only oneThe only one, for meCopyright 1980

I met him in the Circle K, late in the summer of 1983, when I stopped there to get gas. He and the owner of the store were yelling at each other as I walked in. “I need a ride home, you’ve got to take me home” he yelled. “I’m the only one here, I can’t leave the store now, come back tomorrow, I’ll have some help then.” said the owner. “But I need food today! You’ve always taken me before why won’t you take me today. Don’t you like me anymore? ” Pleaded the old man. “ I can’t take you today there’s nobody to watch the register for me today. The owner was getting frustrated as the line at the register got longer. “Pick out what you need and I’ll bring it to you in the morning, I’ve got customers to take care of now” he said.The old man walked away muttering still carrying the conversation on by himself. . Surprising even myself I sudden said: “ I’ll take him” They both turned and looked at me. You will? said the owner. “Sure where does he live? “Just off Carefree Highway” the owner replied.I waited while he got his groceries together, paid for them and then loaded them into my car. He reeked with the smell of stale cigarette smoke and human perspiration, the smell overwhelmed me as he sat down in the passenger’s seat. He looked to be in his late seventies or eighties. His face was old and weathered and his hair which was pure white was badly in need of a trim. He was also in need of a shave; his short white whiskers covered most of his face. He was medium height around five ten and his belly was round like a bowling ball. If you cleaned him up and put a red suit on him he’d of made a pretty good Santa.Where do you live? I asked. As he barked the directions at me he continued to mumble under his breath at the store owner. It wasn’t far; in fact it was right on my way home. I asked what his name was. “Willard Powell Price” he proudly said, but you can call me Will.” Ok Will, I’m Carolyn, nice to meet you! We pulled into his driveway a few minutes later and I looked around trying to figure out where I was supposed to go. There was a small 8’ travel trailer with a shade built on the front of it and some patio chairs around it, on the right, but it didn’t look lived in. “No around here he pointed to the back left. Then I saw it. It was definitely hand built, about 15x24 not in very good shape and painted completely turquoise, as was everything. Some of the desert weeds had grown up around it and partially covered the building hiding it from view. Parked on the eastside was a yellow and white 1955 Buick Special with four flat tires. His pride and joy, but it had definitely seen better days.I figured I’d better go in and see what kind of conditions this seemly crazy old man was living under. I gathered my nerve and stepped inside. It smelled just like Will, heavy with the smell of stale Winston’s cigarettes and it took my eyes a couple of minutes to adjust to the dark room. The walls inside and all the furniture were also painted turquoise, in fact the only thing that wasn’t painted turquoise was the ceiling which buckled and bent from years of leaks and hung down in strips around the large water stains. The floor creaked and gave under my feet as I gingerly walked to the back, afraid that I’d fall thru at any moment. I could see the ground between the loose boards and torn vinyl flooring that covered them. At the back right was a small kitchen with one of those five foot sections of metal cabinets with a sink, an old gas stove which didn’t work and a 1940’s Frigidaire refrigerator. On the back left was a bathroom with an old claw tub in it, a toilet and sink all of them at least fifty years old. It was too scary; I couldn’t bring myself to go inside it. I helped Will put his groceries on the shelf and then went back into the main room. In the left corner against the bathroom wall was an old metal bed, neatly made with filthy white sheets and an army blanket, with a few pieces of foam stuck into a pillow case. In the front left corner there was a metal dining table from the early fifties, with matching chairs whose seats had long since lost their foam and plastic cushions and were now bare wood in the middle. like a big donut. Also in that corner was a closet filled with a couple more pairs of the Khaki work pants and shirt that Will was wearing, all in need of a good washing.On the other side of the room was a green fifties style couch with a coffee table in front of it on which was piled old magazines, also a night stand with a Mormon bible on it and a fairly new television set. In the right corner by the kitchen was a small bachelor’s chest of drawers. Several of the panes of the windows were covered over with cardboard and altho everything was old and worn, it was neat, with everything in its place.The floor was swept; the dishes were washed and put away. I thought it must have been pretty nice thirty years earlier. Still the sight of it weighed heavy on my mind. As I turned to leave I asked Will if he’d like me to stop in again. I’d take him to get his groceries if he wanted. He said his eyes hurt and he needed to go see the doctor down at the VA hospital. I told him I’d call and find out if we needed an appointment and let him know when we could go. Thus began our friendship. I found out a little more about him from the store owner. He did have family in the area who checked in on him occasionally, but Will didn’t like them and wouldn’t them in. I found out later it was because they had taken his car keys and removed some wires from the car when his eyes had become too bad for him to drive safely. He thought they were trying to steal it from him. They also took his social security checks because he didn’t spend very much and would walk around with large amounts of cash in his pockets. They were afraid someone would mug him and hurt him. So they gave him a little spending money and paid his utilities, supposedly spending the rest on his living necessities, but I never saw them do anything for him.When I took him down to the VA hospital the following week, they refused to see him after we waited half the day and insisted I take him to the county hospital. At county we were there all afternoon and part of the night before they called his name. They gave him a thorough examination. He had cataracts over most of his eyes and only had a small hole of vision in his left eye. He was 85 they said and legally blind, but they wouldn’t do surgery, they said he was too old to spend the governments money, they didn’t expect him to live much longer. They gave me some eye drops to help with the pain and suggested I try and get him into a home where he would be taken care of. I talked to him about it, but he wouldn’t hear of it, he wanted to stay in his home.I stopped in as often as I could, usually a couple times a week to make sure he was ok. I would fix him lunch, take him shopping, or take his laundry to my house and wash it. Sometimes he just wanted me to read to him from his old magazines or an old book of love poems he had. He would tell me about his life in Phoenix in the twenties and thirties and how he had painted the Biltmore Estate. He was soo proud of that job and had painted everything he owned with the left over turquoise paint. On those good days he would be thankful for my help and friendship and would stand in the kitchen and look up at the light and begin yelling at God. “Are you in there God?” he’d yell. “I want you to listen to me! Ok! I want you to take good care of my friend and treat her right! Ok! Ok! Then he’d start laughing and tell me God had promised. Sometimes he recognized me and knew who I was but on other days he thought I was an old girl friend who had betrayed him and married a friend of his. Some days he would insist I was a famous movie star trying to hide out from the public. He’d promise not to tell, but he had seen all my movies and the pictures in the magazines and he knew who I really was. It didn’t do any good to try and argue with him so I’d just play along till I could get him focused on some part of reality, such as the grocery list. There were also days when he wouldn’t let me in and he’s stand in the doorway and scream obscenities at me and then slam the door in my face or accuse me of obscene sexual acts with some person from his past. I’d get really worried but if I just went away and came back a couple of days later he’d be fine again.One day I went by and he was in bed, in the dark and wouldn’t answer the door. For several days I tried to get in to find out what was wrong but he’d yell from the bed that he was sick for me to go away. I couldn’t reach his nephew or get any one from the Mormon church to help. Finally after five days he was up and let me in. I could see right away he’d fallen and possibly had a stroke. The entire right side of his body was black and blue. I’d never seen anything like it, it was a horrible bruise. He insisted he was alright and refused to let me take him to the doctor. I had a long talk with him and insisted he give me a key after that and that he’d meet with a social worker or I wasn’t coming by any more. He finally agreed when he realized I wouldn’t get his cigarettes or groceries any more if he didn’t do what I’d asked.When the social worker came out he was having a pretty good day and refused to let her set up a schedule for someone to come out a couple times a week. He said he didn’t need anyone else because I was taking care of him. The social worker said her hands were tied, she couldn’t provide any kind of services without his permission. It seemed like I was running around in circles trying to get this old man some help. Nobody else seemed to care.As Christmas neared the Temperature began to drop and I worried he wouldn’t be warm enough. The weather report said the low was going to be in the twenties. His nephew had brought him a couple of electric heaters earlier in the fall at my request ,but he still had only the one army blanket on his bed and the wind came right thru the walls of his house. I stopped by on my way into town to see if he wanted me to get him an electric blanket or a couple more regular ones. He said no, but would I please get him a sleeping bag, and a pair of slippers, that would keep him much warmer than a blanket. He pulled out his wallet and gave me ten dollars and said I should be able to get them both for that. I tried to tell him it wasn’t enough and he would insist I go to Yates Sporting Goods in Phoenix, I knew they had closed down ten years earlier. It was no use; you couldn’t argue with him when he’d made up his mind, he just kept giving me directions to the store. I finally gave up and left with the ten dollars. As I drove down the roller coaster road that led into Cave Creek I became very frustrated. I had just paid all my bills and I didn’t have anything left to add to his money as I had sometimes done in the past. What was I going to do I couldn’t let him freeze, it could kill him. Angrily I yelled at God. “Damm it God, how am I going to take care of him? I don’t have any extra money and it’s going to get really cold tonight! You need to do something!” My car headed up the hill to the largest hump in the road, I reached the top at the same time as a truck going the other direction. Suddenly I saw an unfolded sleeping bag floating down thru the air from directly above, it landed right on the hood of my car and covered my windshield. I quickly pulled over to the side of the road and paused to say thank-you god! Then got out to see if the truck was coming back, but there was no one in sight. I could see down the road about a mile and the truck had disappeared. So I accepted the gift, folded it up and put it in my car. My mother and the Soroptomist came up with a couple extra blankets just in case and my grandmother donated a small table top Christmas tree. And the slippers? Well I found a nice warm pair at K-Mart for $9.99.

When my car had finally given out and was not going to go any further Will got very distressed that I couldn’t get his groceries for him. He was out of cigarettes and this was a problem, so he gave me his most prized possession, a yellow and white 1955 Buick Special. His relatives had moved some wires when he had become too blind to drive and it had sat still, parked next to his shack for about ten years. I was very reluctant to take it at first because I knew several people had tried to buy it from him and he had always refused to part with it. After a few weeks without transportation he demanded I take it. I called a mechanic friend of mine who hauled it to his shop for an overhaul. When all the old gas was cleaned out of the tank and the carburetor we started it up. It purred like a kitten. I was thrilled. I was mobile again.The car went thru periods of running and not running over the next few years. During that time Will had several strokes and was put in a nursing home after I’d had a big fight with his family and I demanded the state step in on his behalf. I was driving down the road one afternoon and I suddenly felt Wills presence in the car with me, I could even smell him. He had been on my mind for several days and hadn’t been doing real good lately, so I went straight to a phone to call the nursing home. I told the nurse I felt the need to call. She told me he had died about twenty minutes earlier which would have been about the time I smelled him in the car with me. I was pretty sure that was the case and just wanted to confirm it.His family rushed in without even inviting me to the funeral, but that was ok, because Will was still riding around in the car with me. I always knew when he was there because all of a sudden I would smell those awful cigarettes he smoked so strong that I would have to open the window for some fresh air. Then I’d talk to him and tell him what was going on in my life and how I was doing.I had spent most of my life doing what everyone else needed and wanted. I felt like I was beginning to unravel at the seams. I had wanted to do only one thing with my life and that was to make music. Here I was a shy introverted completely un-pushy person trying to sell real estate because that was what everyone else thought I should do. I was secretly thinking of chucking it all and leaving to try a career of singing and songwriting in Nashville. When the last few obstacles to that suddenly fell out of my way I decided to go.I would have to sell the Buick though and that was hard. I talked about it with Will, told him my problem and finally late one Friday night made up my mind to go. I was determined to do it; I would sell the car and buy something that would get me and my possessions across the country safely. Of course it would take a while because I had a house to sell and other things to take care of, but I was going to move to Nashville as soon as I could. The next morning while I was out in my yard watering my trees a man up, got out of his car and asked me if I might be interested in selling my car. He owned a body shop down at the end of my road. He said he had been looking for a fifty five special to restore and had noticed mine going in and out of the neighborhood. I told him I had actually just made the decision to sell it. He asked to look at it and then if he could drive it around the block, he’d leave me his wallet. When he returned and asked what I wanted for it, he asked if he could take it then if he went and got the cash. Ecstatic I said yes. A half hour later it was gone. The next day I went and bought a small station wagon and began to make my plans. There was a lot to do. I wanted to be on my way by summer. Well I made the move. When I went home at Christmas a few years later I drove past the body shop to see the Buick. There it was all fixed up and gorgeously beautiful. I asked if I could sit in it a moment and when I sat down the smell of stale cigarettes filled my nose. I smiled and took a deep breath and then told Will how very much I had missed him.

THE MINER 1984Met him in the circle k; he was bumming for a ridehe didn't have a lot to say; but he had a lot of pridehe lived in a shack on the edge of town; where the rain it poured right inhe told me stories of his younger days; and of all the places he'd beenhe'd talk to god thru his kitchen light; say please take care of my friendthen he'd cuss me up and down; and say don't come back againhe worked the mines when he was young of silver, iron and goldhe couldn't forget that time had passed him by; he couldn't forget he was oldhe thought I was his long lost love; he thought I was a starhe gave me a bible and a book of poems and a fifty five Buick carI did the laundry or fixed him food; sometimes I just sat and readTill the day I stopped in to find; he couldn't get out of bedhe worked the mines when he was young of silver, iron and goldhe couldn't forget that time had passed him by he couldn't forget he was oldWell he'd eighty seven years of life; and his heart was just too slowthey took him away; in an ambulance, I had to cry to make him gothen I talked to God thru his kitchen lightI said please take care of my friend; but I knew that time had caught up with himand that he's never be back againhe worked the mines when he was young of silver, iron and goldhe couldn't forget that time had passed him by he couldn't forget he was oldI still see him in that circle k; bumming for a ridehe didn't have a lot to say; but he had a lot of pride

After I’d recovered from my “broken heart” phase and could laugh at myself again, I wrote this.WHEN I LOST YOU 1993I used to think I had to give my life to you in order to be one, we could not be twoFreely giving up all the things that were me, I thought it was the way life had to be hand in hand together, through life we’d goHelping each other, our love would growTwo lost souls would surely find a way through simple harmony, to a brighter daySo when I lost you, I lost direction, hope and faithWhen I lost you, I didn’t know which road to takeWhen I lost you, I lost what I thought life should beBut when I lost you, I found meFor I found without you, there was just me Without my hopes and dreams, empty and lost, without direction, searching so desperatelySo when I lost you, I lost grief and fear and painWhen I lost you, I found my road againWhen I lost you, I found what life was meant to befor when I lost you, I found meyeah, when I lost you, I found meyou know it’s true, baby! Copyright Carolyn GiaMarco 1993 All rights reserved

It is, a material world, and material things aren’t wrong, they’re not, they are just incomplete. It easy to get caught up in trying to have a nice place and do exciting things and forget our goals and when we do, we’ve pulled our focus off the wholeness, the oneness of everything. It’s a delicate balance learning to be the center of the magnet. May we all have enough life to know all…. of the mind of God we are!I NEED LOVE 1989I don'[t need expensive jewelry, or a fancy limousineI don't need the finest clothing or to stroll the CaribbeanI don't need a great big castle, or a mansion by the seaI don't need to be famous; I just need to be me

I don't need to impress the neighbors, & I don't care what they've gotI don't need to possess my lover; in fact I'd just as soon notI don't need to control the world, or let greed control my mindI don't need to own anything, except my own mind

But I need love as the day is ending and a simple melodyI need my friends to gather round me to keep my spirit freeI need my dog and my old piano a song and my guitarI need the peace you find at midnight the moonlight and the stars

I don't need to live forever; but I don't wanna go just yetI don't need to be better; I don't need to be the bestI don't need to be taller; I don't need to be thinI don't need a better body; I think I'll keep the one I'm in

But I need love as the day is ending and a simple melodyI need my friends to gather round me to keep my spirit freeI need my dog and my old piano, a song and my guitarI need the peace you find at midnight, the moonlight and the stars

copyright 1989 Carolyn Olsen (GiaMarco) all rights reserved

These are a few of my early songs written mostly in the seventies and eighties. I began writing music almost as soon as I learned to play. When my older sister returned from college with a cheap acoustic guitar; I immediately borrowed it and began to teach myself. I was 15 at the time. The writing just came naturally whatever I would contemplate simply turned into lyrics and music, when I layed down to sleep, was driving or just sitting quietly, I would hear the song in my head and then write it down and learn to play what I had heard, that was the most difficult part for at times I would hear a full orchestra. Sometimes they would come in my dreams and I would suddenly awaken with the thought that I'd better get up and write it down.At first my songs were sad until one day I got really tired of that and stopped right in the middle of a composition and declared I would not write any more depressing songs. My entire musical style changed that day and I began hearing things differently from a wiser part of my mind which often seemed to be beyond my emotional maturity, the wisdom came out of me before I was actually capable of living what I was saying. The title cut came to me in its entirety after I attended a concert by Micheal LeGrand at Grady Gammage in Tempe, it came so fast I could barely right it down quick enough. I was working on the movie American Anthem at the time and would scribble down verses between takes. Most songs were inspired by a situation that I either lived personally or observed and was moved by. Several of these songs are actual true stories from my life.ONLY LOVE SONGSI tried to touch you but you turned awayI longed to show you what I see,To reach the pain you’ve locked within your heart And set it freeSo many hearts are full of fearTo many eyes no path is clearWe pass each day and never see, within our heart, we hold the key

We think the fear we hide is ours aloneWe wander helpless thru the nightUntil someone thru love will touch our heartAnd make it rightAnd so thru love we start to grow We learn to let our feelings showAt last we know the time is rightAnd finally we can see the light

Don’t be afraid to take a chance on love,Be strong don’t turn and run awayWe’ll leave the hate the war, the pain behindAnd see the dayWhen all the world will live in peaceNo tears to cry all babes will eatWhen every heart will beat as oneAnd only love songs will be sung

SOMETIME, SOMEPLACE, SOMEWHEREI can see us on the beach walking hand in hand upon the shore, smiling all the while sharing love and so much more, and I see us in the forest planting flowers by the doorand I see two arms enfold me with love forever more

I can see you at your easel as I sing you sweet love songsand I see us in the desert where once everything was wrongand I see us in your homeland growing love upon the farmpicking flowers in the sunshine, thru the meadow arm in arm

I can smile now in my heart for I know that we’ll be therein a home that’s full of lovesometime, someplace, somewhere

I can see us making love in the fields of SaskatoonI can feel your heart beating and your presence in my roomand I see us climb the mountain and stand upon the peakand I hear you say you love me when you speak

I can smile now in my heart for I know that we’ll be therein a home that’s full of lovesometime, someplace, somewhere copyright 1988

ROXANNERoxanne do you remember when we vowed we’d never parttwo little girls with fairy tales and promise in their heartsour prince would com, our kids would grow, and we’d live next door, to each other for sure

I’d marry first and have a son, he’d grow big and strongand in a while about two years you girl would come alongthey’d grow up friends as we had done and when the time was right, they’d become man & wife

Roxanne, where did they go, the dreams we wanted so, were they all just fairy tales doomed at the start, are they still in your heart

They taught us how to cook and sew to be a perfect wifethey never said a word about what single life w’be likehow did they think we’d learn to cope believing we were wrong and wondering where we belonged

Roxanne, where did they go, the dreams we wanted so, were they all just fairy tales; doomed at the start, are they still in your heart

The years they come, the men they go, your children grow so fastand thru the years our friendships been the only thing that lastsSometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, sometimes we wonder why, we feel what we do inside

Roxanne, why didn’t they know; their dreams never could growfor Guinevere; Sir Lancelot will never come no more, there’s no return to what was beforeand Roxanne how shall I cope, my heart keeps getting brokeI didn’t want those dreams to die, or see them torn apart, from what they were at the startAre they still in your heart; and now we’ve grow apart, so tell me; what’s in your heart

I LOVE YOULove was just there and then it grew, I didn’t know if you felt it toowas it remembrance of a life gone by? I didn’t question or wonder whyI tried to block it out those first days, I was afraid to think of you that wayI didn’t know where it would lead, I was afraid that I would need youNow I know love’s here to stay, I’m never gonna let it slip away, never gonna forget to say, I love you

You’ve got a family and so do I, we could have let this love pass us byI was afraid we’d go too far but now I’m so happy with where we areNow I know love’s here to stay, I’m never gonna let it slip away, never gonna forget to say, I love youPeople get so caught up in the world today, they forget to say they care, they let friends slip awayNow I know love’s here to stay, I’m never gonna let it slip away, never gonna forget to say, I love youI love you, I love you, I love you!TELL HIM

WE ONLY TOUCH IN DREAMSYou once told me, I was the only, beautiful thing you’d had in your lifetho we‘re apart, I’d be in your heart, for the rest of all timeWe walked together, dreamed of forever, strolled on the beach, made love in the sandthe passion I felt, made all my fears melt, with one touch of your handBut now; we only touch in dreams and it’s been forever it seemssince I’ve been with you, since I’ve been with you,

I know it’s no use, but I can’t turn loose, of what I once worked so hard to gainwith all I know, I would still go back to the beach and do it againCan’t you see since you touched me I’m not the same as I was beforeI’ve been changed and rearranged and I stand here wanting moreBut now; we only touch in dreams and it’s been forever it seemssince I’ve been with you, since I’ve been with you,

A LITTLE MIRACLEI used to think life had passed me by, back then alone at night I criedI used to fear the things I know, and then wonder why it’s sowhen ever dream I had had died, with nothing left but sorrow deep insidewhen no more beauty could be found, somehow you turned my world aroundand every time that I lost hope and felt I could no longer copeeverytime my sky was grey, you sent a little miracle my wayA little miracle I'd see, to let me know how much you care for meto let me know you're always there, every moment every wherenow when I see the sky above, my heart is overwhelmed with lovethe sum the moon the earth below, have so much beauty that I knowthat no matter what I see, on the road that's meant for meand tho I'm far away from home, I will never be aloneand no matter where I go, tho the path be long and slowin my heart I know I'll see, a little miracle just for mea little miracle each day, to give me strenght along the waya little hope a little love, sent from up above

MY LOVEMy love is like a fertile seed that the wind takes away from me, and wherever he falls he plants his roots and grows into a tree,and he’s planted there in the ground till he blooms and grows againtill the cycle’s complete, & he’s off on a breeze to somewhere he’s never beenI am like the tree whose seed falls straight to the ground and it grows and it spreads until there is an orchard around, but my love is the only pollen that this tree will ever know, so till the wind brings him back again from my seed no tree will grow.My love is like a fertile seed that the wind takes away from me and wherever he falls he plants his roots and grows into a tree.

THE ONLY ONEI met him in the Circle K, late in the summer of 1983, when I stopped there to get gas. He and the owner of the store were yelling at each other as I walked in. “I need a ride home, you’ve got to take me home” he yelled. “I’m the only one here, I can’t leave the store now, come back tomorrow, I’ll have some help then.” said the owner. “But I need food today! You’ve always taken me before why won’t you take me today. Don’t you like me anymore? ” pleaded the old man. “ I can’t take you today there’s nobody to watch the register for me today. The owner was getting frustrated as the line at the register got longer. “Pick out what you need and I’ll bring it to you in the morning, I’ve got customers to take care of now” he said.The old man walked away muttering still carrying the conversation on by himself. . Surprising even myself I sudden said: “ I’ll take him” They both turned and looked at me. You will? said the owner. “Sure where does he live? “Just off Carefree Highway” the owner replied.I waited while he got his groceries together, paid for them and then loaded them into my car. He reeked with the smell of stale cigarette smoke and human perspiration, the smell overwhelmed me as he sat down in the passenger’s seat. He looked to be in his late seventies or eighties. His face was old and weathered and his hair which was pure white was badly in need of a trim. He was also in need of a shave; his short white whiskers covered most of his face. He was medium height around five ten and his belly was round like a bowling ball. If you cleaned him up and put a red suit on him he’d of made a pretty good Santa.Where do you live? I asked. As he barked the directions at me he continued to mumble under his breath at the store owner. It wasn’t far; in fact it was right on my way home. I asked what his name was. “Willard Powell Price” he proudly said, but you can call me Will.” Ok Will, I’m Carolyn, nice to meet you! We pulled into his driveway a few minutes later and I looked around trying to figure out where I was supposed to go. There was a small 8’ travel trailer with a shade built on the front of it and some patio chairs around it, on the right, but it didn’t look lived in. “No around here he pointed to the back left. Then I saw it. It was definitely hand built, about 15x24 not in very good shape and painted completely turquoise, as was everything. Some of the desert weeds had grown up around it and partially covered the building hiding it from view. Parked on the eastside was a yellow and white 1955 Buick Special with four flat tires. His pride and joy, but it had definitely seen better days.I figured I’d better go I and see what kind of conditions this seemly crazy old man was living under. I gathered my nerve and stepped inside. It smelled just like Will, heavy with the smell of stale Winston’s cigarettes and it took my eyes a couple of minutes to adjust to the dark room. The walls inside and all the furniture were also painted turquoise, in fact the only thing that wasn’t painted turquoise was the ceiling which buckled and bent from years of leaks and hung down in strips around the large water stains. The floor creaked and gave under my feet as I gingerly walked to the back, afraid that I’d fall thru at any moment. I could see the ground between the loose boards and torn vinyl flooring that covered them. At the back right was a small kitchen with one of those five foot sections of metal cabinets with a sink, an old gas stove which didn’t work and a 1940’s Frigidaire refrigerator. On the back left was a bathroom with an old claw tub in it, a toilet and sink all of them at least fifty years old. It was too scary; I couldn’t bring myself to go inside it. I helped Will put his groceries on the shelf and then went back into the main room. In the left corner against the bathroom wall was an old metal bed, neatly made with filthy white sheets and an army blanket, with a few pieces of foam stuck into a pillow case. In the front left corner there was a metal dining table from the early fifties, with matching chairs whose seats had long since lost their foam and plastic cushions and were now bare wood in the middle. like a big donut. Also in that corner was a closet filled with a couple more pairs of the Khaki work pants and shirt that Will was wearing, all in need of a good washing.On the other side of the room was a green fifties style couch with a coffee table in front of it on which was piled old magazines, also a night stand with a Mormon bible on it and a fairly new television set. In the right corner by the kitchen was a small bachelor’s chest of drawers. Several of the panes of the windows were covered over with cardboard and altho everything was old and worn, it was neat, with everything in its place.The floor was swept; the dishes were washed and put away. I thought it must have been pretty nice thirty years earlier. Still the sight of it weighed heavy on my mind. As I turned to leave I asked Will if he’d like me to stop in again. I’d take him to get his groceries if he wanted. He said his eyes hurt and he needed to go see the doctor down at the VA hospital. I told him I’d call and find out if we needed an appointment and let him know when we could go. Thus began our friendship. I found out a little more about him from the store owner. He did have family in the area who checked in on him occasionally, but Will didn’t like them and wouldn’t them in. I found out later it was because they had taken his car keys and removed some wires from the car when his eyes had become too bad for him to drive safely. He thought they were trying to steal it from him. They also took his social security checks because he didn’t spend very much and would walk around with large amounts of cash in his pockets. They were afraid someone would mug him and hurt him. So they gave him a little spending money and paid his utilities, supposedly spending the rest on his living necessities, but I never saw them do anything for him.When I took him down to the VA hospital the following week, they refused to see him after we waited half the day and insisted I take him to the county hospital. At county we were there all afternoon and part of the night before they called his name. They gave him a thorough examination. He had cataracts over most of his eyes and only had a small hole of vision in his left eye. He was 85 they said and legally blind, but they wouldn’t do surgery, they said he was too old to spend the governments money, they didn’t expect him to live much longer. They gave me some eye drops to help with the pain and suggested I try and get him into a home where he would be taken care of. I talked to him about it, but he wouldn’t hear of it, he wanted to stay in his home.I stopped in as often as I could, usually a couple times a week to make sure he was ok. I would fix him lunch, take him shopping, or take his laundry to my house and wash it. Sometimes he just wanted me to read to him from his old magazines or an old book of love poems he had. He would tell me about his life in Phoenix in the twenties and thirties and how he had painted the Biltmore Estate. He was soo proud of that job and had painted everything he owned with the left over turquoise paint. On those good days he would be thankful for my help and friendship and would stand in the kitchen and look up at the light and begin yelling at God. “Are you in there God?” he’d yell. “I want you to listen to me! Ok! I want you to take good care of my friend and treat her right! Ok! Ok! Then he’d start laughing and tell me God had promised. Sometimes he recognized me and knew who I was but on other days he thought I was an old girl friend who had betrayed him and married a friend of his. Some days he would insist I was a famous movie star trying to hide out from the public. He’d promise not to tell, but he had seen all my movies and the pictures in the magazines and he knew who I really was. It didn’t do any good to try and argue with him so I’d just play along till I could get him focused on some part of reality, such as the grocery list. There were also days when he wouldn’t let me in and he’s stand in the doorway and scream obscenities at me and then slam the door in my face or accuse me of obscene sexual acts with some person from his past. I’d get really worried but if I just went away and came back a couple of days later he’d be fine again.One day I went by and he was in bed, in the dark and wouldn’t answer the door. For several days I tried to get in to find out what was wrong but he’d yell from the bed that he was sick for me to go away. I couldn’t reach his nephew or get any one from the Mormon church to help. Finally after five days he was up and let me in. I could see right away he’d fallen and possibly had a stroke. The entire right side of his body was black and blue. I’d never seen anything like it, it was a horrible bruise. He insisted he was alright and refused to let me take him to the doctor. I had a long talk with him and insisted he give me a key after that and that he’d meet with a social worker or I wasn’t coming by any more. He finally agreed when he realized I wouldn’t get his cigarrettes or groceries any more if he didn’t do what I’d asked.When the social worker came out he was having a pretty good day and refused to let her set up a schedule for someone to come out a couple times a week. He said he didn’t need anyone else cause I was taking care of him. The social worker said her hands were tied, she couldn’t provide any kind of services without his permission. It seemed like I was running around in circles trying to get this old man some help. Nobody else seemed to care.As Christmas neared the Temperature began to drop and I worried he wouldn’t be warm enough. The weather report said the low was going to be in the twenties. His nephew had brought him a couple of electric heaters earlier in the fall at my request ,but he still had only the one army blanket on his bed and the wind came right thru the walls of his house. I stopped by on my way into town to see if he wanted me to get him an electric blanket or a couple more regular ones. He said no, but would I please get him a sleeping bag, and a pair of slippers, that would keep him much warmer than a blanket. He pulled out his wallet and gave me ten dollars and said I should be able to get them both for that. I tried to tell him it wasn’t enough and he would insist I go to Yates Sporting Goods in Phoenix, I knew they had closed down ten years earlier. It was no use; you couldn’t argue with him when he’d made up his mind, he just kept giving me directions to the store. I finally gave up and left with the ten dollars. As I drove down the roller coaster road that led into Cave Creek I became very frustrated. I had just paid all my bills and I didn’t have anything left to add to his money as I had sometimes done in the past. What was I going to do I couldn’t let him freeze, it could kill him. Angrily I yelled at God. “Damm it God, how am I going to take care of him? I don’t have any extra money and it’s going to get really cold tonight! You need to do something!” My car headed up the hill to the largest hump in the road, I reached the top at the same time as a truck going the other direction. Suddenly I saw an unfolded sleeping bag floating down thru the air from directly above, it landed right on the hood of my car and covered my windshield. I quickly pulled over to the side of the road and paused to say thank-you god! Then got out to see if the truck was coming back, but there was no one in sight. I could see down the road about a mile and the truck had disappeared. So I accepted the gift, folded it up and put it in my car. My mother and the Soroptomist came up with a couple extra blankets just in case and my grandmother donated a small table top Christmas tree. And the slippers? Well I found a nice warm pair at K-Mart for $9.99.

THE MINERMet him in the circle k; he was bumming for a ridehe didn't have a lot to say; but he had a lot of pridehe lived in a shack on the edge of town; where the rain it poured right inhe told me stories of his younger days; and of all the places he'd beenhe'd talk to god thru his kitchen light; say please take care of my friendthen he'd cuss me up and down; and say don't come back againhe worked the mines when he was young of silver, iron and goldhe couldn't forget that time had passed him by; he couldn't forget he was oldhe thought I was his long lost love; he thought I was a starhe gave me a bible and a book of poems and a fifty five Buick carI did the laundry or fixed him food; sometimes I just sat and readtil the day I stopped in to find; he couldn't get out of bedhe worked the mines when he was young of silver, iron and goldhe couldn't forget that time had passed him by he couldn't forget he was oldWell he'd eighty seven years of life; and his heart was just too slowthey took him away; in an ambulance, I had to cry to make him gothen I talked to God thru his kitchen lightI said please take care of my friend; but I knew that time had caught up with himand that he's never be back againhe worked the mines when he was young of silver, iron and goldhe couldn't forget that time had passed him by he couldn't forget he was oldI still see him in that circle k; bumming for a ridehe didn't have a lot to say; but he had a lot of pride

WHEN I LOST YOUI used to think I had to give my life to you in order to be one, we could not be twoFreely giving up all the things that were me, I thought it was the way life had to be hand in hand together, through life we’d goHelping each other, our love would growTwo lost souls would surely find a way through simple harmony, to a brighter daySo when I lost you, I lost direction, hope and faithWhen I lost you, I didn’t know which road to takeWhen I lost you, I lost what I thought life should beBut when I lost you, I found meFor I found without you, there was just me Without my hopes and dreams, empty and lost, without direction, searching so desperatelySo when I lost you, I lost grief and fear and painWhen I lost you, I found my road againWhen I lost you, I found what life was meant to befor when I lost you, I found meyeah, when I lost you, I found meyou know it’s true, baby! Copyright Carolyn GiaMarco 1993 All rights reserved

I NEED LOVEI don'[t need expensive jewelry, or a fancy limousineI don't need the finest clothing or to stroll the CaribbeanI don't need a great big castle, or a mansion by the seaI don't need to be famous; I just need to be me

I don't need to impress the neighbors, & I don't care what they've gotI don't need to possess my lover; in fact I'd just as soon notI don't need to control the world, or let greed control my mindI don't need to own anything, except my own mind

But I need love as the day is ending and a simple melodyI need my friends to gather round me to keep my spirit freeI need my dog and my old piano a song and my guitarI need the peace you find at midnight the moonlight and the stars

I don't need to live forever ; but I don't wanna go just yetI don't need to be better; I don't need to be the bestI don't need to be taller; I don't need to be thinI don't need a better body; I think I'll keep the one I'm in

But I need love as the day is ending and a simple melodyI need my friends to gather round me to keep my spirit freeI need my dog and my old piano, a song and my guitarI need the peace you find at midnight, the moonlight and the stars