advanced reading copy of ADOPTING GRACE
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questioned the wisdom and truth of the parenting practices I had embraced. I had to ask and answer a series of important questions: Is there a distinction between “positive” and “negative” emotions? Aren’t all feelings a part of being human? Why is any kind of “negative” emotional expression immediately deemed as disrespect and something to be squashed ASAP? Why do I seek to control rather than lovingly teach and mold my children’s behaviors? Why do I default to shame and fear tactics to keep my children in line? Sure, kids who are immediately compliant make my life easier, but isn’t there something more profound to model and teach these precious souls in my care? I had hit a wall in parenting my girls. The methods that I had used with my sons were only intensifying problematic behaviors that were happening with our daughters. I was clearly “out of my league.” The discipline tools I reached for were like throwing gasoline on a fire. And we were just in the toddler stage of life. I was well aware that there was a long road of parenting ahead. From a faith perspective, my questions multiplied as well. What is inherently “Christian” about spanking and punishment? Why did I insist that our children meet a standard that I was unable to meet without the gifts of mercy and grace? A major tenet of the Christian faith is that human beings have free will. God does not force us to love, follow, or obey. Though it seems that there are natural consequences that flow ADOPTING GRACE ADVANCED READING COPY 89