Break Ups To Make Ups

Relationship meltdowns are horrible but they can bring some good with them. This is probably the last thing you want to hear if you’re going through a tough break up but if you really think about it and I’m sure there will be a lot of this going on in times spent alone turning around “our” favourite memories and sobbing like camels asking “where we went wrong?”; it could be a time to make some changes in your life.

Everyone reacts differently in difficult situations. Some people choose to sulk and feel nothing but sorry for themselves. Others choose to ignore the difficult situation and distract themselves with fun activities. Some people try to work through the situation. I’m sure there are other methods of coping and I won’t prescribe any as being the best. Nevertheless, this is how I see it: Things/people who have your heart usually have your attention and this means that there could be areas of yourself that you’ve left undernourished or relationships with other people that you’ve allowed to wither.

This week I started reading a book called “How Will You Measure Your Life?” by Harvard Business School Professor Clayton M. Christensen. The book is supposed to help you choose a job or career that you’ll love but also satisfies hygiene factors such as a good pay, the right level of challenges and opportunities for growth. I’ve been a little obsessed with motivational books since I left Uni, and usually feel stuck trying to decide what career to pour my time into so this is unlikely to be my last motivational book but so far I’ve noted some very good points. One them is about investing time in relationships and friendships that nurture you and being able to distinguish them from those that detract from your personal growth.

Yesterday a new friend of mine wrote a blog post titled “To control your cow, give it a bigger pasture”. It’s a saying by Zen master Suzuki Roshi. The blog post had nothing to do with relationships but the saying is a rare way to look at things. My point in bringing this up relates to assessing and redefining your reactionary boundaries. Rather than restricting yourself to sulking over a relationship gone sour or pouring yourself into an activity that might seem fun at the time, it might be worth thinking about opening yourself up(when you’re ready) to new experiences. Reminding yourself about other healthy things that make you happy i.e. ‘making up with yourself”, and looking inwards to rediscover the things that make you tick. Live clean, feel good and love yourself so that others will know how to love you too.