I have been on a path of spirituality for the past 3 years. I have such struggles and there seems to be blockages. I don't know what these blockages are. I have taken a nine month mind body spirit certification class and have seen every one of my classmates come out of it with complete spiritual awakening and awareness. They have all been able to connect with Source at will. I, on the other hand, have not. There is nothing that I desire more than to be fully spiritually connected with Source. My teacher used to tell me that I was not fully grounded.

Not sure what is getting in the way. I have issues with A.D.D. and have always had trouble with focusing and concentration. I can't even say that my mind wanders to other thoughts... it just seems to be blank. The only time I complete thoughts is when I am speaking out loud or writing and sometimes even then it goes blank in between. I can be excited to watch a t.v. show and somehow not be fully present during the whole show. It's as if aliens come down and abduct me for a while and then return me. I have no knowledge of my brain thinking anything during this time span. All I know is that I missed the majority of the show. I don't function in the "NORM". I rarely finish anything that I have started. I am not social and any social situations give me anxiety. I am very uncomfortable in crowds. I prefer to be by myself... did I mention that I am married and have 2 grown children... and I still prefer to be by myself... lol.

I have been told that there are many many deceased spirits that hang around me and seem to follow me around, and the majority of them are people that I have not known. I have never been real observant in my lifetime. I have always been legally blind in my left eye. I often times get a high pitched buzzing in my ears. Someone once told me that it was spirit that has been trying to communicate with me and that is the only way to get my attention. I do however resonate with anything having to do with the spiritual realm. I have trouble with understanding what I am reading when trying to learn things. I am assuming that it is my ego self that is not understanding it and my source self that knows it is truth.

I do not eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly and do not drink water. I am not in a "healthy" relationship. It is very controlled and criticizing. I have lived the majority of my life with a mask and have colored my reality for the most part. I have never REALLY lived MY life. I have always lived my life the way others wanted me to. Since starting my spiritual journey, I now know that I need to live MY life and have started the process of trying to do that. It has been difficult because during the time of living the way others wanted me to live, I had to eventually trick myself into believing that I enjoyed these things in order to appear happy. I have trouble finding MY passions other than anything having to do with the Spiritual Realm. To connect with the spiritual realm you need to find complete bliss. Without that connectedness to Source, it can be quite difficult to find yourself in complete bliss due to the frustration of not being consciously connected. Sure hope that made sense... lol.

Anyhow, I am writing this to you to see if you have any advice or insight into what is blocking my awareness of connection to Source or Spirits. Which is why I have given you a list of things that could possibly be obstacles. I hope you are understanding this all.

I don't know how much I got correctly, but I can tell you about my experiences and maybe you can pick something for yourself.

I have been on a spiritual journey for years now and am still traveling (big religions, TM, reiki, spiritual guides....).

What I have found out is that meditation is for everybody and anybody. But everybody has his/her own way of doing it and calling it. Some need personal mantra, some use OM, some call it prayer, some make exercises, some just close their eyes.

To connect to the Source (feel the God, get to 3rd awareness, open 8th chakra, find inner peace...) you need to find whatever feels best for YOU. It might be listening to music, watching TV, playing a game... whatever. Just keep your mind open for whatever fits you. Once you find you own way, you'll know and just don't pay attention to people telling it's wrong. If it works, it's OK. For you.

The Source is within you and I don't believe there can be any "blockages" for connecting with you inner self. You probably do it every night just before you fall asleep. Doing something with the Source is another thing.

Your problem might be "the desire".Try to forget what you want. The Source you are looking for is inside you, part of you. In a way, you are the Source (at least yoou are part of it).

I suggest you try following: Find something that relaxes you. Something you do when things get too tough for the moment. Visualize the Source. Give it some, shape, colour, smell, whatever fits you. Don't feel anything about it. Just hold that "picture" in your mind. Next, try to remember the happiest moment in your life. The moment when you felt happiest, safest, the most relaxed. It can be anything. Re-live that moment in your mind. When you start feeling like that again, feed those emotions to the mental picture of the Source. It might take some tries to get there, but it often works.

The first experiences might not be much, just some colours, or scents, or funny thoughts.... When you experience something like that, share it people who can understand you, not the ones who will judge you. You just need encouragement and support, not criticism.

The spirits around you (some call them angels), are probably there.

One theory goes that they are making your thoughts true. Not your wishes or desires, but your thoughts. Whenever you think something might or will go wrong, they make it happen. Once you know this will be right (maybe for no special reason) they usually make it happen.

The other theory says, that those spirits make sure thing are happening to you in a way so that you can get wherever you are supposed to go. You probably don't know what your mission on this Earth is, but things happen for a reason. Some advance meditation practitioners claim they have managed to glimpse into theirs.

Maybe what I have written is loads of ***, so I invite the others to comment.