Why People Suck at Driving

By Doug Kelly on February 4, 2011 10:10 PM

This shouldn't be a revelation. But in some senses, it is. I've noticed a few trends driving here in the winter.

Oh shit, white stuff? (And no, not cocaine, kids.) Really. The moment this mysterious "white stuff" appears, people's brains immediately fly out the window, and traffic comes to a grinding halt. The roads could be perfectly fine, but it doesn't matter. Top speeds are 45MPH in a 70.

We don't need no stinkin' brakes! Shortly after the snow has been on the ground, people immediately believe the roads will have magically improved. It could be 1 minute or 1 day after the plows go through, but immediately speeds are back up to and BEYOND the speed limit. All this occurs when there is still visible ice on the roads, so any attempt to stop at those speeds would be an exercise in futility. Also, it follows that extreme tailgating becomes a popular passtime in this phase.

Traction? What's that? It really seems that the people committing offenses #1 and #2 are also the people least suited to be in a snowstorm. That's right, giant SUVs and rear-wheel drive trucks. Most trucks haven't even bothered to weight the bed with any type of snow, and it shows as they fishtail their way down the interstate. Also, I see a surprising number of minivans and SUVs along the side of the road, in rather precarious positions from various spins. I guess the pickups manage to find a way to pull themselves out. Hurrah for that, at least.

Maybe it's just the county's elitist "I'm better than you, so get out of my way" attitude that is to blame, but really, I'm sick of it. If you're going to drive like an idiot, please do it in the driveway of your mansion so you can kill yourself and not me. Thanks.

Update: Another round of this stuff... and sure enough, wrecks immediately. Always fun when you think, "hm, I think I'll turn here" and your car decides, "hm, no you won't." But hey, I managed to control it and not cause any extra problems. Also, remember kids, the (!) light is the "you're driving awesome" light.