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I know this because my daughter is about to turn 10, and the last time I exposed my midriff was when she was growing inside me.

I loved the way I looked when I was pregnant. My skin had that cliched glow, my hair was voluminous, and there was an excuse for my ballooning torso — I could blame the baby, not carbs.

But when my daughter arrived, so too did a sense a shame that still sits hidden under my high-waisted jeans.

I wasn't naive enough to think I'd physically bounce back immediately. But I also wasn't prepared for the unexpected changes to my body.

I'd never seen a mum (in real life or in the media) with separated abdominal muscles, a caesarean scar, purple stretchmarks, or even sagging excess skin. And while some mums may not experience any of these things I, quite honestly, thought of myself as newly deformed.

After a long bout of confusion and some counselling, here's what I'm learning on my quest to develop a healthier postpartum body image:

Samantha Turnbull embraced pregnancy but has struggled to accept the changes to her body post-birth.(Supplied: Samantha Turnbull)

1. My feelings are common

I find comfort in knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Zali Yager is the co-founder of research group Body Confident Mums and says my feelings are widely shared.

"During pregnancy women generally feel better about their body image. They feel good, their body has a purpose and they're temporarily excused from societal norms around thinness because they're growing a baby," Dr Yager says.

"The majority of women gain 12-16kg during pregnancy, and it means that after the baby comes out, women have this additional level of fat storage they're not used to.

"That's coupled with the fact they can't do the things they might have done before, like exercise or changing their diet, so they're stuck in this situation where they're feeling uncomfortable."

Clinical psychologist Gemma Sharp heads the body image research group at Monash University and says while it might feel indulgent or silly, poor body image puts new mums at higher risk of experiencing mental health issues.

4. Focus on function not form

When I think about the fact my body grew two children, and then nourished them in the following years, I find it easier to deal with the changes to my appearance.

Dr Yager says we could all use this kind of perspective when we consider our bodies' feats.

"Apart from puberty, pregnancy is the period in which your body will experience the most change and gain the most fat, so it's realising what you've been through and cutting yourself some slack and reducing your expectations," she says.

"Physical activity is really important, but it has to be physical activity not focused on weight loss. It should be activity that you're doing because it feels good and because it helps your mental health."

5. Body shame can be passed on

The one thing I try to constantly remind myself of is that I need to set a good example for my kids.

Dr Yager says research shows children as young as three associate thin with good, and fat with bad.

"Even before they can talk, they take in everything," she says.

"If you are having that chat at mothers' group and everyone is talking about diets and there are two-year-olds walking around, they can pick up on that.

"We're not trying to scare people into being afraid of what they're doing in front of their kids, but it's remembering we can pass those messages on.

"Most people want their kids to have a positive body image, but they're not showing it themselves."