optikeye:Keep a small spray bottle on the back of your toilet with 1/2 witch hazel, 1/2 water. A few drops of baby shampoo, and a few drops of baby oil. Shake and spray on your toilet paper as used or needed.

Or do what I do, just dump in your used motor oil to get the works going. Hell I don't pay for sewage not to use it!

When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.

UNC_Samurai:When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.

THIS!

I wish I could afford the awesome Toto Japanese toilet seats that have warm spray, hot air dry, refresh the air and play music to cover the farts. Unfortunately I'll probably end up with this one instead:

Our septic system had a Gillette razor handle from the 70's stuck in it, and when my wife cleaned the bathroom with "flushable cleaning wipes" after we bought the house, they wrapped around that handle and plugged the whole damn thing up. We had to dig up part of the driveway to replace the line out to the septic tank. I did learn that during WWII they used cardboard pipes soaked in pine tar for plumbing lines because metal was at such a premium.

UNC_Samurai:When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.

I've been to a few countries where they ask you to put used toilet paper in a bin because the plumbing can't handle it. I use the paper sparingly and flush it. I don't want to stay in a room with a garbage can full of shiatty paper.

UNC_Samurai:When Mrs. Samurai and I remodel our bathroom, we are installing a goddamn bidet. We as a species need to acknowledge that good plumbing and superior bum-cleansing technology is a necessity in the 21st century.

I am sooo jealous. Good on you.

/too poor now//having health insurance doesn't much matter when what it won't cover wipes you out///"wipes" *groans at pun*

I'm willing to bet multiple wipes were used by this guy. My rule, wipe a couple times with the regular stuff, finish off with a flushable wet wipe. If you're still in need of wiping after that, jump in the shower...and you seriously need to change your diet