"I bought a parrot that could talk, but it did not say 'I'm hungry,' so it died. ""I was at a convenience store reading a magazine, and the clerk said, 'This is not a library.' And I said, 'All right, I will talk louder then.' ""A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.""Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy. All day. If you wear a turtleneck and a backpack, it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down. "All Mitch Hedberg quotesRest In Peace Mitch, you did your job on Earth well.

Hey someone should create a ghost study freinds ring. so we can truly represent I'd do it but myspace is blocked at work for some odd reason.

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before... He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.