Sunday, March 6, 2016

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

At this point, you have to seriously wonder just how dumb someone has to be to vote for any of the Republican candidates. Not that Hillary is any great prize but let's be fair, at least she acts Presidential, even if that involves lying through her teeth 90% of the time. But she is also not demanding Bernie Sanders smell her taint while she makes fun of the size of his penis like almost all of the Republicans are doing. The Republican party is in full on destruct mode, all caused by their own short sightedness and desire for power, resulting in a racist Frankenstein with Tourette's rampaging through the countryside, a fat Dracula feasting on people's fears, pro choice activists and common sense, a Cuban Wolfman who turns gay when the moon comes out and the Invisible Man from Ohio. Is this really the best they could come up with? And a lot of you are voting with their own free will for one of these monsters? Sigh. Let's see those runner ups.
10) Nancy Reagan- Some of you will find this offensive and I do NOT care but I am truly happy this witch is dead. Yes, the devil came for this waste of human space at the tender age of 94, removing her sour puss from the Earth. I can hear you ask "Why such venom for a person who was just a First Lady?" And to that I give you "Just Say No!" This campaign of hers started to fuel the out of control drug war that is still killing people, mostly black and poor, to this day. NO first lady did more damage to the US than this bitch and her idiot husband. Ronald Reagan's legacy is one of horror to those who can actually read and understand history, rather than the cult of personality that has emerged since. If you want to blame all the ills that the GOP is having, they all come back to these two and their disastrous terms. His wife can join him burning in agony as I am sure they are, for the millions of deaths they are personally responsible for. Excuse me while I dance.

9)MA Voters- My county in Worcester overwhelmingly went for Sanders as did the Berkshires and North of Boston. What didn't were all the rich areas like Boston and the Cape which swung the dial the other way and gave the win to Hillary, albeit by less than 2 percentage points, which made it more of a tie. Young people stayed home in droves (Fuck you very much for that, you sniveling crybullies) and minorities all went Hillary, proving the Democrats are not much smarter than the Republicans now. Hillary is more vulnerable than Bernie as multiple polls suggest, but as I am guessing most of these mouth-breathers barely read, and just went for the closest vagina they could vote for. If Trump is not the nominee, pray he runs as a third party candidate because she loses to everyone BUT him right now. Much like Trump, there are a lot of people that will not vote for her no matter what and we cannot have a President Ted Cruz because there is no way off the planet to be safe from that.

8)Caitlyn Jenner- I HATE the Kardashians and anyone connected with them. Kanye and "Caitlyn" can both go to hell too. But as mad as Kanye makes me, I at least understand his psychosis. Caitlyn Jenner is a bundle of idiocy who I am still not convinced this isn't some weird publicity stunt by dressing up as a woman. This week, this cross gender moron is not only still a Republican, he supports Ted Cruz. This is the same Ted Cruz that if elected President would take away every right from Caitlyn Jenner he can, proving my point that he really ISN'T transgender at all, or alternatively, is possibly the dumbest man on the face of this Earth. Either way, this jerk needs to go away. Schmuck!
7)The LAPD- This week, a retired LAPD officer came up with a knife allegedly found on OJ Simpson's property way back in 1998. The knife was found during the razing of the house by new owners, who gave it to an off duty cop, who incredibly kept it for 18 years before being outed by an outraged friend. The irony of this cannot be lost. The LAPD was shown to be very bad at collecting evidence for the OJ Simpson case, one of the reasons he got away with double murder. And here we have another example of that to a T. And then they wonder why we don't trust cops anymore.

6)Turkey- Can we please get these assholes out of NATO? This week, resident douchebag Recep Erdagon closed down a newspaper that was critical of him and replaced them with flunkies who will not report the news he doesn't want them to. Needless to say, this went over badly here and abroad causing mass protests that he, of course, viciously put down with tear gas and water cannons. Considering they are still trying to join the EU, this will not help their cause. Turkey is the second most dangerous country right now on the planet. Take a wild stab which is the worst because they are next....

5)North Korea and Otto Warmbier- Where to start, with the midget dictator threatening nuclear war or the dumb American who thought visiting the most closed off country in the world was a good idea? Choices. The oddly named Otto Warmbier (pronounced Warm Beer) was arrested this week in North Korea while on the worst vacation ever. Seems dumbass. a Christian missionary nonetheless, tried to steal a North Korean political banner from his hotel, at the urging of his friends back home, back home being the optimum words. He was immediately arrested and has been imprisoned for the last two months. Frat boy antics are not well received in totalitarian society stupid. On the flip side, Kim Jung Un, every bit as deranged as I have suspected, has said he is putting his countries nuke arsenal on stand by for a preemptive strike against the US. I hope he likes decimating the Korean people because millions will glow in the dark if he does something so suicidal. Considering the best he could hope for is the California Coast, while we can light up the entire continent should we wish, this is a stupid thing to say.
4)Debbie Wasserman Shultz- Much as the GOP is currently tearing itself up, so the democratic party seems to be echoing the same problems. This week, the worst person in the House of Representatives, which includes such luminaries as Steve King, Trey Gowdy and Louie Golmert, sold her soul to the devil in a blatant establishment move that should of resulted in her trial for treason if we had a real government. Seems the DNC wants even more money for their sponsors and are actively trying to kill the Consumer Protection Agency that Liz Warren championed. Why? Oh because you want money from Big Business that doesn't like it, that's why. Much like the GOP, the democrats are all but double dog daring us to keep voting for them, which many have gravitated toward Sanders because of it. Ignore us at your own risk Shultz. Look at what us happening across the aisle. That is your future if you keep this crap up.

3)Chris Christie- Talk about selling your soul, Chris Christie had a look of absolute horror as he stood behind Trump this week, looking like a beaten wife too shell shocked to say anything other than quietly give his support. This is the man he blasted for weeks as unpresidential, and now has to take it up the ass with no lube for a chance at salvaging his slim pickings for government jobs. His approval rating in NJ is at record lows and has zero chance of re-election. Six NJ newspapers called for his resignation, showing how far he was fallen. Nothing was better than when Trump slammed him and NJ and all he could do was whisper a silent NO and shake his head. Sucks to be you dude.

2)Mitt Romney- Mitt, Mitt, Mitt. I feel a little bad for this guy as for all his faults, he is not a bad man. Naive and short sighted but not evil. This week, he tried to give a speech about civility and why not to support Trump but offered zero alternatives to the awful candidates they have left. He should have said he is entering the race or demand people ask for an alternative to the four idiots left because, let's face facts, the Republicans left all suck. Badly. Mitt Romney may not have been the best candidate for President but he was hands down better than these fools. We are so screwed when even the establishment GOP has no idea what to do to.
1)The Republican Party- What a clusterfuck these guys have become! The name calling, the dick jokes and the general animosity is reaching peak volume. The two leaders are right now Ted Cruz and Donald Trump meaning the GOP has been effectively hijacked by the religious right and the super angry Tea Party. The Establishment has been shown the door with no path to victory and it's all by their own making. They have used thinly veiled attacks on race, as well as voter ID laws that had no issue except to limit minority vote, that has now turned into a full fledged wildfire that is burning everything down around it as the Keystone Republicans dance around with no water to put it out. Ted Cruz won Maine yesterday, proving once and for all that that state is filled with some of the dumbest humans on the East coast. Trump cruised to victory in several others as John Kasich and Marco Rubio got shut out again. Their prospects are dying. Rubio is still fending off gay rumors which may have something to them. I don't care one way or another of he is gay, expect for the fact that he wants to eliminate gay people from the Earth so there is that. There are pictures of a guy who looks like him at gay parties and an arrest when he was 18 at a closed park known for gay activities. I have no way of knowing if any of that means he was gay, but it is out there. The chances for a contested election grow if somehow Kasich wins Ohio, which is possible, if Rubio wins Florida, unlikely, and Cruz continues to rack up wins in states where intelligence is a liability. This could lead to an ugly contested convention and the dissolution of the GOP as the Tea Party splits and goes with Trump, the Evangelicals support Cruz and the Establishment goes for Hillary, making them the new defacto status quo party as what is left of the GOP fights among themselves for table scraps. The GOP is dissolving before our eyes and looks to be on it's last legs, all of which are self inflected wounds caused by them lying to their constituents for so long they forget they actually had to govern. You can only tell people a lie for so long before the stop believing you. The result is Donald Trump. So congratulations GOP and voters still supporting them, even though all evidence shows they are circling the drain, you are indeed douchebag of the week.