Tuesday, July 1, 2008

<3

I <3 calling girls crazy. I <3 making fun of how girls take pictures of their feet and then post them on their Facebook and I <3 making fun of girls for complaining about guys being assholes and then saying they are turned on by "bad boys".

But mostly I <3 Heart.

Craaaaaaaaaazy On You...

Don't act like you didn't just sing that out loud.

I did.

Anyways - enough about <3ing. I'd like to take this opportunity to point out the fact that girls have to put up with a lot - mainly, drunk guys.

I was at a concert last week where a group of drunk guys decided to not only grab a friend of mine's ass - but to attempt to do it a second time - this time reaching his hand under her skirt. I grabbed the guy and shoved him away - to which he responded, "You better check yourself!"

I had better check myself?

What does that mean?

Why do guys say things that don't mean anything when we are about to get in a fight?

You better check yourself!

What are you lookin' at!

You better recognize!

Not in the face!

Nevermind the beating, I can take that shame - the embarrassing part is the fact that the guy bouncing my face off the bar just asked me if I was "looking for a beating."

Yes - I was going to get one off eBay but I hate paying for shipping.

But thats not the worst part. Is it THAT much of a thrill to grab a girl's turd cutter? No - it isn't - trust me. I've tried. I mean it was nice but then she didn't even call me the next day. Am I not pretty enough?

What base is grabbing a random, unconsenting girl's ass? It can't be first and it definitely isn't second. You can't even brag up grabbing some random girl's ass.

You rock! Even if you did get beaten up. This should have entitled you to gratitude sex. Hopefully you got that. If not, go and remind her what an awesome thing you did. Then point in your crotchal area. She'll take the hint.