The blog that puts people to sleep. Should we even be telling you this?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Oh good Lord, what day is this? Where am I? How did I get here and other things people say when they forgot what they were talking about...

GHOST CHILDREN OF THE OFFICE - Don't Fast Eddie and Michelle look like they are haunting the building? This is how we punish people at the office. We make you stand outside in the hot sun while we eat ice cream inside.

I have lost all sense of time. Off for 4 days and I am now too stupid to function. How did they handle time in the old days? I am so used to having computers, phones, watches, clocks everywhere telling me what time and what day it is, so how did they get stuff done in the old west? If you were going to say, meet a friend for lunch, when you were done plowing the field, how did you know what time to be there? Did you have to look at the position of the sun and thus burn your retinas? Did you just show up when you were hungry? What about Birthdays? If there was no calendar hanging up on the wall, how did you know when to bake a cake? Did school just start whenever they got there? I guess there were no tardies back then. Don't you ever wish you could go back in time just to find out this small stuff? I do, all the time. But just for a couple of hours because any longer and I would probably end up dead from sheer stupidity.

I would not be one of those people you want on a deserted island, trust me. I'm not really good with manual labor or building a radio out of a coconut. I can't build anything, I can't grow anything, I can't even sew a button. I'd be Gilligan. Not only would I never survive but I wouldn't want to. Which reminds me of the time H, Little Gay R and I were wondering what it would be like to be the last 3 people left on earth and what we would do. While H and I talked about where we would live, what we would gather to eat, Little Gay R decided he would go sightseeing. Because he has never seen the Grand Canyon or a beautiful beach so why not go in the off season? This is why H and I talked about killing him if it we were the last 3 left 'cause who wouldn't get irritated with some tourist taking pictures while we were trying to SURVIVE? Can you imagine having to look at his slide show while we are running out of food and water? Never once did we ask ourselves why on earth we would even be the last 3 people on earth.

I had absolutely no intention of writing about this when I got here and look at how easily I have gone off rambling about trivial shit. Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. No wonder my husband has selective hearing. Which reminds me. Little Red and I were talking about this boy she likes and oh, how she would turn a lovely shade of red if she saw this post. This boy, let's call him Rico Suave, is her first real "like" and they "made out" before she left for this visit. She is 17! While we were sitting in the dining room discussing boys and all that implies, Mr. Selective hearing over in the living room is all "WHAT? WHAT DOES MAKING OUT MEAN?!". Why, when I ask him to take the trash out, he tells me "I didn't hear you" but this he hears? Eavesdrop much? I need to find some time alone with Little Red to dish the dirt and let her know about boys. I'm quite sure it will go in one ear and out the other but I have to let her know or else I wouldn't be doing my duty.Again, where am I going with THE POST THAT WILL NEVER END END END. Frankly, I see no end in sight and the more you complain, the longer it's going to get. We finally had thunder storms last night and we did what the trainer asked us to do. We took Max outside in the thunder and made him sit there with us. How unpleasant do you think this was for all 4 of us? We finally had to come back in when raindrops the size of pumpkins started to fall from the sky. We did this twice to make him face his fear and to help him realize that nothing bad will happen when thunder comes. I don't know if it helped, but it was thundering this morning and he was sound asleep, along with Big Red when I left for work. I can only hope that repeating this process will help him overcome his fear. I didn't feel good about doing it and I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and comfort him, but I held back and let him sort it out. Being a dog mom sucks sometimes. Allow me to leave you with this picture I took yesterday at one of my favorite pizza places. I realize spelling and pluralization are not that important to you when you are probably only making $6 an hour but surely a manager wouldn't want this out on display for all to snicker at. It made me giggle. If anyone is still awake after reading this War and Peace of a post I wish I had something rewarding to leave you with but I don't. Hope you all had a lovely holiday and since I am only here for 3 days this week I am quite sure I will be back to waste more time. I am a spectacular time waster if I do say so myself.

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About Us

K and H were siamese twins separated by 6 years. We make each other laugh when our spouses won't, so we have created this blog to share the laughs. H is the Fag and K is his Hag. K is happily married to Big Red while H is living with Monkey Boy since gay marriage is still illegal in this country.