Tuesday Watch List: Jimi Crack Corn!

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and celebrate the shortest day of the year. Sundown at 3:59PM? Oh, that’s for me! It’s like a preview of living in Norway. LET’S GO!

BIOGRAPHY: JIMI HENDRIX – 8:00PM (BIO) Two hours dedicated to the life of the greatest guitarist the world has ever seen or ever will see. Like anyone can resist a good Hendrix documentary. You could tell me it was 10 hours long and I’d happily tune in. Hendrix is the rare artist that EVERYONE likes. I’ve never met anyone who said, “Jimi Hendrix? Whatever. He sucked.” If I do come across someone like that, I’ll be sure to check them for fangs and demon wings. Music is this incredibly subjective thing, whose appeal to various people can’t ever be really explained. And yet, Hendrix manages to appeal to almost everyone, and very few artists have ever done that. Not even the Beatles, who have a surprising legion of haters out there. It’s an astonishing feat, so pay your respects. ANTICIPATION: PLAY CROSSTOWN TRAFFIC!

E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: SARAH FERGUSON – 10:00PM (E!) It’s an hourlong special devoted to the life of the Duchess of Wales and erstwhile Weight Watchers spokeslady. How angry do you think Sarah is that the Black Eyed Peas girl swiped the Fergie nickname right from under her nose? You can’t call Fergie Fergie anymore, because everyone will immediately think of “Let’s Get It Started” and then punch you in the face for putting that song in your head. I feel like Sarah has a copyright suit here. ANTICIPATION: ORIGINAL FERGIE!

PRICE OF ADMISSION: AMERICA’S COLLEGE DEBT CRISIS – 9:00PM (CNBC) Ever wonder how anyone can afford college these days? Funny story: They actually can’t! In fact, the student loan industry may be the next financial bubble to burst and spread oily black debt all over our fair nation. For you see, everyone has taken out massive loans to attend school, and in turn colleges have boosted tuitions so that future generations sink even further down into debt! And none of this has been corrected in the marketplace! Fun! ANTICIPATION: THAT’S TOO MUCH FOR A SOCIOLOGY DEGREE!

CUPCAKE WARS – 10:00PM (Food Network) Hockey-themed cupcakes are the challenge tonight. And that means you get an hour of puckcakes. You know you want them. ANTICIPATION: PUCKCAKES!

SNL PRESENTS A VERY GILLY CHRISTMAS – 9:00PM (SNL) It’s a Christmas clip show from the venerable comedy institution. As always, I’ll be tuning in for Eddie Murphy as Gumby and skipping any and all sketches that have been produced from the past decade. ANTICIPATION: GUMBY DAMMIT!