Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Retail Therapy

I'm an overthinker. And at times an overtryer, an overstresser, an overcarer, and an overfeeler.

I don't always think this of course. After all, who would continue to give 200, 300, 400% more effort to things that they didn't feel warrant it? So, though I can step outside myself long enough to understand my tendencies may just skew a little towards the dramatic sometimes, more often than not I believe the amount of thought I give any topic is directly proportionate to how much it matters. I just tend to think a whole lotof things matter. A whole lot.But sometimes I catch myself being especially crazy. (ok, sometimes Dustin catches me being especially crazy, and I choose to agree.) and I see how maybe, just maybe, I'm spinning a bit too much about something a bit too little.

Case in point: New shoes for Piper.

This should be a non-issue. Her feet are still teensy enough to fit in your pocket, so finding some shoes really shouldn't be a concern (not that the pocket was a solution...just a comparison). Sure, we can't have her little piggies freezing off, but beyond the basic need of it all, it's not a big deal.

But no, I went all Courtney on this one, and have for some reason made getting baby shoes for the baby my #1 concern. On paper- it doesn't make sense. In fact- I don't really even LIKE shoes. I wear them because it's not socially acceptable, or weather appropriate, to go without. But I only have a few pairs, and rotate them seasonally without much thought. They're not fancy, not expensive. They're pretty utilitarian.

Bear with me while we go on a tangent for a minute:
My non-love for footwear may come from a book that was handed down to me from my mom (who has since passed it to Piper): Shoes for Angela.

...for her 7th birthday...are you dying from the vintage awesomeness of it all?

Basic premise:
Angela has two pairs of shoes- brown for school, black for good, and that's fine with her, until she gets the idea that she should ask only for shoes for her birthday.

Spoiler alert: She gets shoes. SO many shoes, and it eventually becomes overwhelming. She learns a valuable lesson about practicality and greed (even donating her shoes to other kids), The End.

...surprise twist ending...hats!

So yes, I understand that this is all quite ridiculous, and very unnecessary. But, I'm already in too deep. I've searched online, I've pinned ideas, and I've dragged Dustin on at least three shopping trips to look for shoes. Part of the issue is that I have it in my head that paying full price is absurd- I may have an intense need for new baby shoes, but they need not be new. I do realize that she will outgrow them in a matter of months, and the amount of actual wear shoes get when the wearer isn't actually walking, is minimal. But I'm still attached to a certain look, so I've been scouring second hand shops for suitable options, without any luck.

In truth, when you get down to it, it's about much more than shoes. (Isn't it always?) In my constant need for achievement, and validation, even (especially) in the realm of motherhood, I tend to attach my feelings to seemingly silly, superficial pursuits. When she was born, getting professional, archive worthy photos became one of my personal marker of being a good mom. If I was successful in preserving those fleeting memories, then it must mean I'm successful as a mom. And now? It's shoes. Having trend-right, good quality, irresistably cute little shoes, to go with her irresistably cute little outfits shows that I care. I have a taste level. I prioritize my spending towards my daughter. I am a good mom.

It's dumb, and probably a bit unhealthy. But it's me. At least it is right now.

I rationalize that it's not that bad....There are certainly worse obsessions (I mean, at least I'm not sleeping with my hair dryer) and I really can see the silliness of it all. I can stop anytime! (wait a minute...maybe that's rationalizing, not reasoning...) But for now, here's what's currently enroute to our house via last night's online spree:

I'm sorry, but please look at those four little shoesies and

tell me you're not about to jump on my bootie buying bandwagon...

Does anyone else struggle with this? Attaching too much significance to things that just. don't. matter.? Caring too much about the little things?

Let's be honest here. No kid is better off in crocs. However, she liked them so no arguments stemmed when it was time to put shoes on (just you wait for that one) and bonus...she could put them on herself.

So we turned a blind eye to the obvious fashion faux paus that is wearing crocs and went with it.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little retail therapy. The shoes are all adorable and those tiny feet need protection. I remember buying a small suit for my son when he was only a month old to attend a wedding. Of course he needed shoes, too.

I’m Courtney- a loud-talking, big-dreaming kind of a girl with a creative streak I can't turn off, a wholly imperfect love for Jesus, and an overwhelming passion for authenticity. I'm superpumped you're here.