For better, for worse -even the snoring.

We call it survival of the sleepiest. I am like a different person if I don’t get good sleep. My husband snores- loudly and a lot. All these tips and items could also be used when a spouse has a cold and can’t quit coughing or for night shift workers.

“Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone”

We just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary and I know marriage works best when both people giving 100% and both compromise. Before my shoulder surgery, we had planned to go on a hike to a waterfall because they happen to be doing a water release on our anniversary. But hey, we hardly ever celebrate on the actual day, plus they happen to be doing another release on my birthday. When we looked back in Kevin Adams book it said it was a difficulty level was 5 -7. I know I couldn’t do a level 5 right now because after following his book for years now I know that probably means stream crossings, hills, some scrambling and things that I’m just not ready for even if I didn’t try to carry my camera gear. My shoulder surgery is what prompted another look into a solution for snoring and hopefully many more years before we banish the other to their own bedroom.

Back to needing to sleep and compromise. My best friend and a cousin, both female, also have spouses that snore. (I feel your pain). I’m sure we’ve all had moments of not nice thoughts about how to MAKE IT STOP! We have all tried different things. Both of them have bought the beds that you can raise you snoring spouse up to a sitting position until they stop, but one said they needed a lock on it because when their spouse woke up in a sitting position they’d just lower themselves back down, fall asleep and start snoring again. They make wedges too, but they don’t raise as high. We have a beautiful sleigh bed that I love and I just don’t see how one could raise and lower as you have to basically lift the 16″ tall mattress over the footboard to even make the bed and then you have to squish your hand to get the sheets, blankets, and comforter stuffed back the space is so tight. I truly can see why some old married couples have different bedrooms for sleep.

If your spouse snores loud enough to raise the darn roof and you’re used to smothering your head between 2 pillows don’t be shocked, like I was when you have to come up with a new plan to sleep after shoulder surgery. The first time he was extra loud, I got up and slept on the sofa in another room. It’s too short, my pillows and arm were not right and Tyler was overly happy with me on the sofa and just kept waking me up to pet him. The next morning I was exhausted and my back, shoulder, and arm hurt pretty bad.

My hubby and I are going to work on a compromise where we alternate a snoring remedy, but if he’s been outside all day say golfing in allergy season, or drank more than a few beers late in the day- it’s his turn. I have to add that he puts up with my non-stop yawning and jaw popping every night when I lay down and every morning when I wake up. If I knew what caused that or how to stop it I’d be thrilled to do just that.

For the offender:

I bought him a mouthpiece for snoring and teeth grinding, that he had in for less than 30 seconds before declaring he couldn’t sleep with it in. I bought him basically a shock band bracelet that didn’t work as either if never shocked him or he slept right through it. The nasal strips like Breathe Right do work but he says the residue hurts his nose if he wears them night after night. Theravent brand that goes under the nose was recommended too. There are a few different products that the snorer wears up his nose but my hubby said “no-way” to those. There is the headband that goes over their head that keeps their mouth closed. He complained that he didn’t want something all the way around his head. I couldn’t help but think a slim band around the head had to feel better than noise cancelling earmuffs. There are sleep bands that look like use acupressure, but he didn’t even want to try my motion sickness bands I have.

Update: We went ahead and bought the expensive Snore nora. It works the best out of everything we’ve tried. It is a pillow insert that sense the snoring (or any sound) and raises the pillow. Two tips: 1) pull the insert to the edge of the pillow every night closest the snorer’s shoulders. When it moves back too far it doesn’t help. 2) put a small square bandage or something over the darn bright blue light on top- especially if you put it on delay and have thin eyelids so you don’t see it pulsing light on the ceiling as much. We needed to play with the settings and it took a bit to get used to it. If you really listen you can hear the motor inflating it but it is NOTHING compared to a snorer. My hubby even thinks he sleeps a bit better. I’m not waking up enough to hit gently tap him to make him roll over and it seldom even wakes him up now – and he doesn’t have the sticky residue on his nose. I do occasionally still hear him as the insert doesn’t always stay under his head in the pillowcase and it’s not quite long enough to go to the edges of his smaller sized pillow. But really, this is the best thing so far, and that is saying a lot!

If we actually had a regular doctor I’d encourage him to ask for an at home sleep apnea test. It can’t be good for anyone to not get a good nights sleep but a few times a year.

For the sleep deprived spouse:

There are earplugs. They are simple and cheap but they hurt my ears after about an hour, even when I’m not laying on the side with them in. I had looked at Hibermates in the past, but since I needed something right away while I can only lay on my back with my shoulder, my mom loaned me her earmuffs. I didn’t realize it but my ears are pretty close to the pillow and even though earmuffs made for a firing range are rated at 21 decibels they still didn’t completely block out hubby’s snoring. They hurt my ears where they push the back of my ears toward my face. There is NO WAY you could lay on your side with those either. I bought a slim pair the next day, but I still ordered the Hibermates. They’re expensive but he is always gonna snore and it’ll be easier to breathe than stuffing my head between pillows, plus they come with a 60 day guarantee. I don’t really need the eyemask part because we already have blackout shades. I’ll update this post and let you know how they do after I’ve used them for a bit. There is the option of just soft earmuffs but I tried a pair I had and unless I put some other noise canceling in them what I had didn’t work for how loud he snores. I found several headphones that said noise canceling but they had electronics in them like for playing music, I guess with an ipod and since I don’t want to add more noise and I don’t have an ipod I didn’t like that idea. Plus if you don’t go wireless then you’ve got extra cords. I guess some of those sink with phones too.

I really can’t believe there are not more noise canceling soft earmuffs for sleeping as I can’t be the only one who can’t wear earplugs night after night.

So what are options that have worked for you?

4-18-18 I didn’t notice the Hibermates were from Hong Kong until I started looking to see why I didn’t have them yet after seeing a shipping notice on the 8th. Turns out they’re still in Asendia Hong Kong, Singapore. So as far as the 60 day guarantee I’m guessing return shipping would cost so much it’d be worth keeping them whether they work or not.

5-18-18 The Hibermate is better than a pillow but I still wish they made them with just the earmuffs without the eyemask. Like my winter ear muffs that go over the back of my head and you pull the sides to the length, you need to cover your ears. In the dark, if you wait to put it on until you need it, I almost have to completely wake up to put it on in the dark and it’s not comfortable enough with the still large ear covers to want to sleep with it all night. Although it is better than the ones for safety while shooting. It came with the ones with the ear hollowed out in them. I could still hear quite a bit and I felt them more around my ears. I took those out and put then flat ones in, leaving the small piece from the original set and it blocked out more sound and is more comfortable. It’s a solution and since if I don’t get a good nights sleep I’m prone to migraines, it is better than sleeping on the couch. I took them just a few days short of a month to arrive.

7 thoughts on “For better, for worse -even the snoring.”

I lived with this same problem for 4 years and it wasn’t fun! What saved us? Kidney stone surgery. The surgeon told M that he needed to be tested for sleep apnea before it killed him. Turns out his was severe enough that the sleep doctor told him he was lucky to be alive. They put him on a C-pap machine. He hated it at first but after a few weeks he adjusted and says he can’t live without it now. No more waking up tired, taking countless naps during the day or pulling over in a rest area to nap when he was traveling. Plus, I can now sleep in the same room with him.
Hope your shoulder is doing lots better! M actually did some painting last weekend and didn’t have any pain at all. So … four and a half months later he’s finally glad he had the surgery done and he even says now it all the pain was worth it! Someday …

I’m not really connected the dots with kidney stones and snoring but if we ever get a regular GP – a sleep apnea test is on his list. Shoulder at 4 weeks today is still worse than before the surgery. I’m trying to hold on to hope that is better than that soon!

Well, since you asked . . . I have a condition involving oversized tori mandibular, which are bony growths on the bottom of the inside of my mouth. They had grown so large that they prevented my tongue from lying on the floor of my mouth. Instead, when I was sleeping, my tongue partially blocked my airway and caused me to snore incredibly loud. I had been told that the surgery required to remove the tori was too painful to undergo. Nearly two years ago, I needed an implant, and the oral surgeon noticed my tori. “We could take those out when we do the implant prep,” he informed me. I told him, “Thanks, but no thanks.” I explained that I had been told it was way too painful. He smiled and shook his head, “Not that bad,” he said. “Really?” “Really.” So I had one side done. Recovery was no more painful than when I have a canker sore. Immediately, my wife noticed the difference. I wasn’t snoring any longer!
Now, it’s time for another implant, and, yes, I will finally have the other side done. I hope hearing of my experience will help someone with the same condition to address their own mandibular tori (that’s quite a mouthful, isn’t it?).
Hope your shoulder rehab is coming along swimmingly! 🙂