When you're growing up, you think you have about 20 best friends but as you get older, you start to learn what it really means to be a friend.

As a woman, you learn that jealousy tends to get in the way or people aren't really there for you like you expect them to be. People have the natural tendency to only care about themselves. However, when you've grown with a person you call "friend," you begin to care for them as they share a significant part of your life.

But spending a significant part of your time with someone isn't what makes you a good friend or what makes them a good friend. It's about character and adding value to each other's lives. Some people have the potential to be a good friend but their mentality on life is not focused on the important things at the moment.

The truth is, everybody in your life will fail your expectations on some level at some point in your life. We hold high expectations for people because of what we do for them. But you have to remind yourself that we are human, so we will often make mistakes. However, your real friends will always be there for you when you need it.

I spent years of spending time with fake friends and letting go of people who didn't meet my expectations. I was at a point where no one was my friend, I just had a lot of people I hung out with. It was only in the last few years that I learned to know what I've signed up for. I only have about 3 good friends. I have plenty of people I associate with and a few potential friends. I may not share certain things with one friend and I may just hang out with the people I associate myself with.

I also take into consideration the mentality of my potential friends. I can't expect someone who hasn't experienced much failure to sympathize with some of my experiences. I also can't expect someone who hasn't started their own business to support mine. Neither can I expect someone who is single to be happy for me when I'm getting married.

However, if this person sympathizes with you, supports you or is happy for you then he or she is someone I recommend you consider to be a good friend. Their mentality is in the right place and they feel connected to you on a certain level.

Life is too short to spend time with people who bring you down and are a negative influence on your life. Don't pretend to be friends with someone just because you need company. Sometimes you are your best company. Surround yourself with like-minded people and people who make you better. If you even have one person who you can truly call a friend, you are doing great..

what a great post, just because you have been friends with someone since childhood and have experienced many firsts and have many happy memories with doesn't mean you have to stay friends when your older when you have clearly grown into different people and grown apart which happened to me recently but you just take the happy memories with you . your right as you get older you realise what you want and need in a friend and you have those friends you no you can depend on when going through good and bad time

Thank you for sharing this Laura! I feel like people still misunderstand what a true friend is as they may have never had one. I'm glad you've been able to let go of someone who is no longer your friend as that's hard to do.

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laura

6/13/2014 09:43:12 am

I agree, people feel like they needs loads of friends which in fact they are really just people they talk to about nothing important as they don't want to seem as to not have friends taken me 28 years of finding what I need and want in a friend and im still learning when you no who your friends truly are you will get rid of those who aren't sad to do but needed

Great advice! I knew a girl who would only spend time with "Erin" because she was the only person that would go drink with her. Any other time, she despised "Erin". Ugh, that's not how it's supposed to be!

I've only got 4 people who I call my friends and I went to school with all of them. I'm really happy with my friends because I know that I can always have a good time and they'll make me feel better when I'm down. There have been so many people who I've met through college, Uni and work but I'm never interested in getting to know them on a friendship level because I don't trust new people!

I think it's great that you are very happy with the friendships you have but I think it's a good idea for you to get to know other people because new people can add value to your life, you can add value to theirs and you may gain a new perspective that is more beneficial to your relationships.

Hi,
I agree with every word you said.Sometimes the people you consider best friends drift away from you because of circumstances.One should always be ready to move on.Its very important to know one's own value and worth.Great piece.Touched my heart.

This is a very powerful post obviously written by a woman who has experienced making and losing, and "pruning" friends. It is important for middle-age women to also follow your advise. At this stage in life, we know what and who makes us happy, yet we are bombarded with a message that unless you have dozens of friends, you should feel lonely. My "closest" friends live hundreds of miles away and we rarely see one another but that is O.K. Thanks for this message!

Thank you, Karyn! I definitely understand as two of the friends I'm referring to live in a different state as me so I only see them about once a year.

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Sharee

1/6/2015 01:22:51 pm

I've learned that being a friend doesn't always result in a friendship. Starting a business and seeing who supports you will show you who truly wants the best for you...I've also learned that supporting, helping and sacrificing for people who you think are your friends doesn't mean they will do the same for you...sometimes you can give all you want and you get almost nothing in return.