Marital Infidelity: How Common Is It?

No one knows the true prevalence of infidelity.

Marital infidelity is difficult to research because most people are reluctant to admit it. One survey made headlines showing that only a tiny percentage of spouses cheat. But the researchers interviewed respondents with their spouses present. Duh!

Even without spouses, results depend on how questions are asked. University of Colorado researchers surveyed 4,800 married women using face-to-face interviews and an anonymous questionnaire. In the interviews, only 1 percent said they'd cheated during the past year. But the anonymous questionnaire showed 6 percent.

Meanwhile, controversy clouds the definition of "infidelity." Most say it's sex with anyone who isn't your spouse. But what about spouses who are separated but not divorced? What about open marriages? And don't-ask-don't-tell marriages? Is infidelity any sex outside of marriage? Or secret sex? What about people in heterosexual marriages who have homosexual flings? Finally, does cheating require intercourse? What if you have only oral sex? Or handjobs? Or passionate kissing?

Arguably the best research on this subject is the General Social Survey (GSS) conducted annually since 1972 by University of Chicago researchers. For 37 years, they have asked a representative national sample about infidelity. The results have been consistent. Every year, 10 percent of spouses admit cheating--12 percent of men, 7 percent of women.

But in our culture, men with multiple partners are often envied as studs, while similar women are dismissed as sluts. As a result, we would expect men to admit infidelity more freely. In many non-Western cultures, anthropologists have found no gender differences in infidelity rates. Perhaps the same is true for us, but cultural assumptions color admissions.

Recently, the GSS has shown two notable changes--more cheating by spouses over 60 and under 35. These changes have been modest, so it's hard to know if they are real. But many social scientists contend they are, and have proposed explanations.

Among older folks, the reason most often cited is health. Sex tracks health. Today 60 is the new 40, which might explain the rise in cheating among older spouses. However, while many of today's 60-somethings are healthier than their counterparts a generation ago, today we have much more diabetes, a condition that often causes sexual impairment, and substantially more obesity, which may make people feel unattractive, and raises risk of arthritis, heart disease, and cancer, all of which reduce libido and sexual function. In addition, older adults take considerably more medications than they did a generation ago. Many drugs cause sex problems, notably, antidepressants and blood pressure medications. So, does better health in those over 60 explain the increases in infidelity? Maybe, maybe not.

Another oft-cited reason for horny elders is erection medication, which some say has encouraged older men to cheat. But two recent studies show that only 10 percent of men over 50 have even tried these drugs, let alone become regular users. With erection medications used by so few older men, how much of a difference could they make?

Maybe rising infidelity has to do with more working women, particularly women traveling on business, which provides opportunities to dally discreetly. But homemakers of yore had plenty of opportunities for extra-marital sex: the postman, milkman, repairmen, and delivery men of all stripes. Meanwhile, cheating is up only in women over 60 and under 35. If travel explains the increase, why hasn't it risen in women 35 to 59? Most of them work outside the home, and many travel on business.

The fact is, no one knows the true prevalence of marital infidelity and every explanation for supposedly rising rates is open to serious question. What do you think?

To me someone who cheats/unfaithful is someone who goes out there way discretely to be with someone else, not just in a physical sense but also emotionally. My philosophy is, if you can't tell me what you’re doing or planning to do, then it's obviously something you shouldn't be doing. Having your spouse cheat on you in any way is hurtful, but for me it feels worse if my spouse would cheat on me because she has feelings for the other person. Because not only did my spouse give herself to the other guy physically, she's also giving her heart to him. Rather than just having casual sex or a one-night stand. About 2 out of 3 marriages end up in divorce, which is huge problem. There's a lot of broken homes out there, you rarely see kids grow up with both their parents living together and happy. It's gotten to a point where you see infidelity on almost every street corner, Hollywood, and in every home, literally. And we tolerate it. Because it's common, it seems trivial. One of the biggest problems, I think is that people don't know the dynamics of a marriage and don't respect when someone is married. I have guys friends that don't care if a woman is married or not, they'll still try to seduce them. I know some girls that go out with married men assuming they're going to leave their wife for them. Infidelity is extremely hard to prevent.

I'm a woman who has a full time job, a husband, two children and a boyfriend. I consider myself polyamorous and have no way to explain that to my husband. I think the problem lies with marriage itself. It's insane to think we should all be monogamous throughout our lives.
If everybody would just lighten up and realize that we aren't meant to be in a relationship for 50 plus years with the same person..everything would go a lot better...let's start being truthful about being human.

Married 23, 2 kids, 3 jobs, 4 lovers all long term.
I am a high energy individual who is very outgoing and sociable. Very down to earth, not your typical suburban mom. I don't live for any one aspect of my life.

Polyamory is the way of the future. We all need to embrace change, not chase it away out of fear.

I have no problem with your arrangement. But would only suggest that at age 23, you haven't yet had a long-term relationship of any kind.

On the other hand, I know someone who married a person they had a one-night stand with 20 years ago. They thought it was a one-night stand, but what they didn't know was that it was actually the first day of a long-term relationship!

Not because you are polyamorous. Not because you enjoy sex or intimacy with various partners- which who doesn't? Not even because you don't believe in marriage.

Simply because you have robbed your partner of his ability to make an informed decision regarding the relationship he has with you. You have robbed him of "choice" by omitting information. Whether marriage is flawed or not is irrelevant and does not excuse your narcissistic behavior. You have stolen someone's freedom to decide- ironically while advocating for your own ability to choose and live your polyamorous lifestyle.

Perhaps her husband already knows. Perhaps your judgmental attitude doesn't even apply. Perhaps the alternative in her mind would be to leave the marriage which might be worse for the children, etc. Perhaps your "yardstick" of measuring ONLY fidelity misses the bigger picture? At least I've noticed you haven't asked. A good therapist would before making a cliche knee-jerk judgement.

At this age, over 50, I would condone an outside relationship for both spouses if they mutually agreed. Probably the reason that this does not occur is that either spouse fears that they would lose the other. The belief that I have is that many marriages are OK but one spouse or the other gets bored with their partner and the sexual and affection portion of the marriage continues to slide. I also believe that the spouse that does not care to really support that aspect of the marriage (affection, sex and fun) should not feel betrayed if the other spouse seeks an outside friend. If your not getting affection and sex at home then how can you be cheating the spouse? I also believe that both males and females like their present economic marital status (money, home, etc.) and so are protecting that status more than their sexual happiness. I think more married women would enjoy a few flings in their lifetime if they knew it would not get their men all bent out of shape. For most males it's OK for them to have a fling but not their own wives (a possession). That means they think they own their spouses. Silly isn't it? Infantile men they are! Many men grow up to be boys, don't you think!
Lastly, divorce is expensive and exhausts one and loaded with plenty of unknowns. I don't want a divorce, I just want some affection, sex and maybe a romp in the hay, if it is a mutual feeling.

Because people change over time. Someone might be polyamorous in their 50's, but not in their 20's.

I could ask, why don't women tell their new husbands that they may totally lose interest in sex in 20 years? Why don't women tell men of that nature about themselves. BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW AT 20! Duh.

Good-looking people with brains and wit are more likely to stray, as they get more attention from the opposite sex. After years of the stress of marriage and children, when physical attraction has become stale, the temptation becomes very hard to resist. It's like a temporary escape from a house with no windows. I don't believe we are biologically predetermined to stay with one mate for life. That doesn't mean there isn't hell to pay when you get caught, especially if the man you fall in love with is married to your best friend of 33 years.

I just don't understand why they have to cheat. Been married for 6 years and just found out that my husband is having an illicit affair. Grew up without a dad because of his infidel ways now I'll be losing my husband because of this. I asked him if its normal for a guy to find another partner inside marriage for me to understand. All he said was NO...how come? Why do they have to do this. I'm still hurt. My self esteem and self confidence went down the drain, questioning my sexuality and everything. Why do they have to be so selfish?

This article seems to miss the obvious, as do most articles on this topic. There's a hint in the paragraph that people in their 60's are now healthier, but there are also conditions which affect sex including medications. So then the question is, is good health increasing infidelity, or is medication hurting it. Well, put the two together -- there are TWO PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP, NOT ONE! So, obviously, a very large number of people are in a situation where ONE spouse is very healthy and interested in sex, and the OTHER is not because of diabetes, anti-depressants, etc. And these conditions are likely to be chronic, long-lasting, and difficult to fix. Hence the partner interested in sex is likely to go outside the marriage. I'm sure this happens often.

I don't understand why all the articles written on this topic make the rather odd assumption that as a couple ages their libidos and health will decline at about the same rate. It's the difference that's the problem, not the decline.

Infidelity is close to fifty percent for both sexes. The culture is changing, women and men both are embracing variety by seeking out multiple couplings. I suspect that the biggest change is in the 35-60 age group.

i just want to recommend ethicalhacking76@ gmail.com for helping you catch your cheating spouse, i have used his service once and he really did a great job for me by spying on my husband’s phone communications like calls, text, emails, whatsapp and every other thing. someone referred me to him, and it was helpful, so am doing same for anyone out there that need such service. just message him, am quiet sure he will help you figure a way out.

I was introduced to boltnethacker@gmail.com because i really wanted to know what my ex-husband had been up to as lately it seemed as if I was not getting his attention.
Bolt was able to hack into my husband’s Facebook, Snapchat, WhatsApp, Instagram and above all he gave me full access to my ex's mobile phone remotely. I couldn't help but to introduce him to those who have their spouse cheating on them and want to spy on them. boltnethacker@gmail.com will help you out. He also does other hack related issues, so you can also contact him if you need a hacker for something else.

I'd say that people are most likely to cheat when their relationship is in trouble.

Younger people often have relationship trouble, because they are in a new relationship, where they haven't yet agreed on everything with each other.

And older people often run into trouble with differences in sexual desire and ability to perform. One of the spouses might have decreased sexual function due menopause, health conditions, and medications. And this leaves the other spouse unsatisfied. Which can lead to cheating.

And the difference between men and women in cheating might be real. Because in western culture, it's the men who normally approach women and try to make friends with them. While women are normally passive and wait for men to approach them.

This difference means that men can try many times, until they succeed. While the number of times women can try is limited by their attractiveness. Attractive women get a lot of opportunities. While the rest, not so much.

And the difference between men and women in cheating might be real. Because in western culture, it's the men who normally approach women and try to make friends with them. While women are normally passive and wait for men to approach them.

Yeah, you often hear that. But you have to ask the question, if men cheat a lot more than women, just who are the men cheating with?

I give thanks to hackmedialord he helped hack and access into my cheating husband social networks, icloud and much more, viber chats, Facebook messages and yahoo messenger, calls log and spy call recording, monitoring SMS text messages remotely, cell phone GPS location tracking, spy on Whatsapp Messages gmail and kik and i got to know that he was cheating on me , in less than 24 hours he helped me out, contact him VIA TEXT 6174022260 if you have any issue similar with everything his a trust worthy and affordable