Green Lantern

Join me as I watch Green Lantern for the first time. I marvel as video game characters talk to each other with bad lip sync and an alien gives power limited only by the imagination to a patently irresponsible guy with no imagination. I suggest that 24 is a little young for a woman to become a defense contractor executive. And I boldly imply that character development doesn’t consist of various characters simply saying the same words at each other over and over. (“Are you scared, because… your dad, you know?”)

But Ryan Slightly-Grizzled Reynolds powers thru the pain. The fish guy from Hellboy, a racial stereotype, and an incredibly rude Jedi master are the worst instructors in the galaxy, so he lays down his gun and badge and quits the galactic police force! HA! No, seriously, he totally keeps the gun and badge…. And then—stuff!—and some chit chat, etc. 5-6-7-8-aaaaaand I’m spent.

Start the commentary after the Warner Brothers logo and just before the DC Comics logo, on the countdown.