I apologize this piece is not really uplifting. I have had the beginning of it stuck in my head for some time, in various phrasings. I wanted a kind of cute romantic poem, but reality let me know that all I have known is delusion when it comes to relationships with any girl I have had a crush on. I either shut up, and become very serious with everything, or I act like I'm in 2nd grade. I find it pretty much impossible to "be myself". It's remarkably frustrating to deal with, so I let cynicism run its course and then I don't have to change.