We regret missing this after the Nets-Heat game on Monday night, but you ought to forgive us because it was a game that involved the New Jersey Nets. LeBron James scored the Heat's final 17 points—Miami outscored Jersey by 12 in the fourth quarter but only won by three—and then shook hands with Nets part-owner Jay-Z. Quite suspiciously, we might add. (It's at 29 seconds in the above video.)

This handshake must be yet another window inside the Illuminati, which assuredly includes both LeBron and Hov. But now we have a new concern: Is Heat guard Norris Cole joining? He's a really smart guy. We should worry if he gets mixed up with them. We'll all be doomed.