Monday, October 31, 2016

I recently met a woman at a party
who sees ghosts. Not paranormally, of course. Human ghosts. Men who appear
to be interested in dating her, but all of the sudden, stop replying to text
messages and never call back and leave her hanging like a tire on a bike rack. Meanwhile, she’s waiting around without clarity or closure or certainty,
wondering if this clown has disappeared off the face of the earth. It’s a very
real phenomenon in modern dating. It’s called ghosting, colloquially
defined as a pervasive act where one dater ends a relationship by simply
disappearing, without an explanation of any sort, leaving the ghosted wondering
where he or she went wrong. It’s confusing and frustrating and hurtful and
dismissive. It makes people never want to date again. What’s worse, it launches
people into an infinite regression of overthinking everything they might have
done wrong to cause ghosting to happen. Because that’s the natural human
response to a lack of communication. We revert to worse case scenario thinking. What’s interesting is, ghosting doesn’t just happen in dating. It happens in
business too. I receive emails every week from potential clients who are keen
on hiring me as a corporate trainer at their company. And so, I write them back
and send them books and leave them messages, doing everything in my power to
wow them, scratching and clawing for weeks and months at a time, only to get
crickets. And I think to myself, you guys came to me, what the hell?But
then I remember how human behavior works. First, confrontation is hard. And
rejecting people is even harder. That’s why most of us would rather say nothing
than no. Accept it. Secondly, it’s not personal, it’s just timing. Look, people
change. Budgets go away. Calendars rearrange. And there’s not much anyone can
do about that except move on. The point is, everyone gets ghosted eventually.
Either when they’re dating, when they’re doing business, or both. And it feels
shitty.But the moment we start giving it energy and creating unnecessary
psychological fuel around it, before we know it, that ghost suddenly has power
over us. LET ME ASK YA THIS... Are you skilled at letting go?

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Sunday, October 30, 2016

It’s important to have a system for focusing our minds when reflection is needed. But art we can’t just sit in a corner and perfect ourselves. Not if we want a chance at creating real meaning in the world. The reality is, we are a social species with an innate desire to communicate with each other. And we need to leverage that comes from working with other people. What I think about the things I regret most in my life, it often goes back to a failure of connection. Instances in which I inflicted upon myself the damaging psychological state of isolation. Lonely nights where I easily could have called friends and left the house and participated in the community, but instead, chose to degenerate into a narcissistic celebration of self, disappearing down the rabbit hole of my own head. However, I don’t beat myself up for those moments. I forgive myself for making a habit of isolating. And I use that regret as a reminder to honor the interdependent parts of my personality. To never deny the reality of my desire to be with others. To actively work on community building. And to identify myself as both an independent artist and as a community member. Maisel’s book on creativity for life poses a powerful question for each of us to ask ourselves in this respect. What about me do I need to change so that I’ll have a better chance of joining meaningfully with others?It’s the perfect measure of accountability. A reminder to go out of our way to honor the part of ourselves that is not satisfied with a life of estrangement and seclusion. Because the asset which is the self atrophies most in isolation.Remember, few people have ever achieved anything of significance entirely on their own. Contemplation has its place, but it can quickly become a form of escapism, flighting us from the world into a realm of false bliss. The fastest pathway to happiness, the primary path to aliveness, is reaching for the other.LET ME ASK YA THIS... Are you ready to battle your antisocial tendencies and leave the house?

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Saturday, October 29, 2016

When people we love are experiencing pain, the temptation is to charge into their suffering with certainty and answers. But that approach only services to distance people from us, leaving them even more isolated. What’s worse, when advice is imposed instead of sought, we deprive people of a chance to feel fully human. More often than not, just being there is best we can do. Not as a cure, but as a companion. Not as a fix, but as a friend. Here’s a practice I find to be helpful. Next time you’re talking on the phone or spending time with someone who’s experiencing pain, don’t ask them how they’re doing. Or how they’re holding up. Or anything along those lines. Because odds are, the answer is, they’re doing horribly. They feel like shit. And that feeling isn’t going away anytime soon. Just say and do and be things that remind them who they are. Hold up a mirror that connects them to pieces of themselves that they aren’t even paying attention to. Give people the dignity of self definition, standing at the edge of yourself and saluting them without the desire to change, fix or improve them, and without the fear that they are going to change you either. Just be there, in the safe container of your caring. They’ll know. LET ME ASK YA THIS... Are you approaching people as a companion, or as a cure?

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Friday, October 28, 2016

The way a radar detector works is fairly simple. It’s a reverse transmitter. The little box on the dashboard picks up electromagnetic waves through the antenna and converts them into an electrical current. And that allows motorists to detect if their speed is being monitored law enforcement using a radar gun, and, therefore, reduce their speed before being ticketed. That’s the way a radar detector work. Of course, the why is a different story. Radar detectors work because they’re placebos. They help create a story that drivers tell themselves in order to potentially harmful behavior. It’s the observer effect at work, which states that human beings modify or improve their actions in response to their awareness of being observed. Meaning, even if a fake radar detector was installed in your car, one that sporadically beeped and blipped and flashed, but didn’t actually do anything, you’re still likely to get fewer speeding tickets. The point is, being watched isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I love my privacy just as much as the next guy, and I’m not suggesting we convert our society into one big transcontinental reality show. But I do know that I perform better with an audience. It’s that healthy mix of pressure, accountability and social expectation brings out the best in me. Disney calls their employees cast members, that company has the most amazing customer service on the planet. That’s not an accident, that’s a placebo.LET ME ASK YA THIS... How does having observers change your behavior?

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Thursday, October 27, 2016

All decisions carry with them the element of danger and loneliness. That’s the price of committing. Our choices always leave people behind. We can’t take everyone with us, no mater how hard we try. And so, we don’t delay decisions until we know enough or feel ready. Because for anything that matters, timing is never quite right. Instead, we make up our minds and march forward. We make peace with the path we take and stop grieving the road not taken. Years ago I wrote a book about execution, mainly because I was tired of hearing people’s excuses about why their ideas never became I dids.My favorite chapter was, the best choice is the decision to stop choosing. It was a reminder that the endless tangle of anxiety, regret and second guessing wasn’t worth it. Who cares if there’s something better around the corner? We can’t go through life regretting every decision we make just because it might not have been the best possible choice.It’ll eat us up inside like a tapeworm. Better to just make a choice and get on with our lives comfortably, as opposed to being plagued by doubt, wondering about what could have been a marginally better option. Just own it. LET ME ASK YA THIS... When will you realize that accepting good enough will make your decisions simpler?

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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Ever since I was a child, I always felt it was better to ask the first question than have the last word. Even if there was no real or immediate answer. That wasn’t the point. Not every problem needs a solution. There are questions whose job it is just to be a question, not to have an answer. Their purpose in the world is to be continually held in our awareness, working on us, not the other way around. Each question is a small experiment, and we are the variables. Of course, this mindset is more than just childlike curiosity. It’s essential existential equipment. Because if we truly want the to chance to craft a life best suited to our own skills and temperament, to carve out a special space in the world where we can find our authentic voice, we have to ask ourselves the right questions. That’s the best way to kickstart our quest for meaning. Here are a few I use to challenge myself:How many different ways can I amplify my gift? Where do I find access to my full repertoire of energies? And what will allow me to operate at my highest point of contribution? The answers are rarely swift and tidy. But it’s as good a starting point as any.LET ME ASK YA THIS... What questions are working on you?

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Tuesday, October 25, 2016

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve tried, very hard, to talk myself into wanting something that I knew, deep down, wasn’t for me. From technology to relationships to creative projects to joining organizations, there’s this mechanism in my ego that always tricks me into believing that social conventions are eternal conditions. But they’re not. There’s always a choice to be made. We can always choose personal integrity over societally approved successes. And so, if we are to remain faithful to our personal vision of reality, we must do the work of figuring out where we stand and why. And it’s not an easy process. ''One practice I find helpful is writing affirmations. Mantras that empower me to create a new model of reality. Here’s a collection of ideas that I hope inspire you to do the same.I will advocate for the person I truly am, not acquiesce to the one I think I’m supposed to be. Even if that means rejecting the socially favored narrative at the moment. I will seek out ways to be whole on my own terms, instead of indulging some inherited fantasy that has nothing to do with me. Even if that means facing the judgment, scorn and pity of mainstream society. I will make deeply considered choices about what life suits me, rather than giving my life over to something other people want me to want. Even if that means rejecting attitudes and courses of action that most of the world treats as gospel. I will pay attention to what I really feel, as opposed to what I am supposed to feel or wished I felt. Even if that means being unpopular with those around me. I will find my way back to my gut instincts, instead of mindlessly consuming what society demands I should have an appetite for. Even if that means running counter to the currents of the world. Remember, all suffering stems from being mistake about our reality. LET ME ASK YA THIS... What mantras help inspire you to remain faithful to your vision?

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Monday, October 24, 2016

I was in college, I worked for three years a disc jockey at the campus radio station. My show aired on weekend mornings, when the majority of students were either passed out, hung over or still drunk from the night before. Naturally, few people ever listened. In fact, I was usually the only person in the building other than the janitors. But the lack of audience never bothered me. Because committing to producing my own weekly radio show was a galvanizing and challenging and meaningful and fun experience. I wrote and performed my own intro song, scoured the web for rare cuts to include in my set lists, produced a series of fake commercials and sound bites, advertised my program with on air promos, booked local musicians to perform live acoustic sets in studio, even broke the campus record for hosting a twenty four hour marathon show in one day. Never got paid. Rarely got recognized. But I had the time of my life, developed a solid work ethic, made lifelong friends and discovered new music that changed me forever. Most importantly, though, that radio program was the first time I felt like a true professional. Somebody who disciplined himself to show up and do the work, every week, regardless of recognition or compensation. And that hard core formative time laid the groundwork for the years to follow, informing what I do as an artist on a daily basis. The lesson is, just because nobody’s listening, doesn’t mean you can’t do a great job. Crush it anyway. It’s good practice.LET ME ASK YA THIS...

Do you measure the value of your experiences by the final product, or the richness of the process?

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Sunday, October 23, 2016

It’s also the title of a book I wrote a few years back. You can download it for free here.

But here’s the problem. I'm an idea junkie. Everything I look at in the world breaks down into a collection of ideas. I have about fifty new ones every day, and sadly, I can only execute so many of them. Even if I had all the resources and all the time in the world, I still wouldn’t be able to keep up with the whirlwind of insanity that gusts through my brain.

And that’s where you come in.

I believe ideas were never meant to stay that way. And so, in this new blog series, I’m going to be publishing a sample of them on a weekly basis, in the hopes that they inspire you to (a) execute them, (b) improve them, or (c) invent something completely different.

Remember, once an idea springs into existence, it cannot be unthought.

Even if that idea is ridiculous.

Enjoy! Steal Scott's Ideas, Issue 01801.Hubby Spa. Restore beauty with your beloved.A do it yourself beauty spa where couples can go together and use professional tools to prune, pluck and primp each other02. Applyd. Getting hired without getting tired..A micro freelancing platform where you pay people to fill out job applications for you to increase chances of getting a job03. Peas & Carrots.Find people who do what you don't.A database of entrepreneurs looking for people with complimentary skill sets to collaborate with.04. Junkly. A directory of the discarded.A database of the best cities, locations, venues and sites for finding free things.05. Tyngle. Make your marketing matterA combination thesaurus, etymology, rhyming dictionary, idiom library, domain registration, language translator to help marketers create memorable slogans and copy.06. Twylyght.Burning the midnight oilA greasy food delivery service that only accepts orders after midnight

07. Divorsana. It's not the heat, it's the humilityA hot yoga conflict mediation program to help couples peacefully end their marriages08. Episodle. Contain the pain, return to life An app that lets you personalize a step by step recovery system with exercises, music and affirmations to handle panic attacks

09. Speak & Shit. Learn a new language in the looA smartphone app that teaches you a new language while you're on the toilet10. Squid Pro Quo. Where the rubber meets the roadA food truck that only serves fried calamariLET ME ASK YA THIS...

How will you turn these ideas into I-dids?LET ME SUGGEST THIS...

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Saturday, October 22, 2016

Where your dominant ethos is
rebellious and thoroughly individualistic, it’s easy to get down on yourself
for not standing out and being special. Because that’s the currency. You don’t
feel truly successful unless your voice of dissent is being heard. Unless
you’re constantly resisting people’s expectations. And unless the world is
publicly recognizing you for choosing to do things as an expression of your
identity. When I first came on the scene as a writer, dozens of media outlets
interviewed me about my work every year. And it never failed to make me feel
special and successful. But a decade later, it was a different story. Quite
literally. My novelty started to taper off. The phone stopped ringing. Because
the media had moved onto their next shiny object. No matter how many new and
exciting projects I launched, the creative landscape was simply too saturated
for me to stand out like I used to. And that broke my heart. Carlin experienced
this phenomenon as an artist, even into his sixties. He said you’re never the
fastest gun in town forever. Sooner or later, you’re no longer the new guy. And
the only way to reignite your creative juices is to see others else excelling
and think to yourself, wow, I better get busy. It’s a noisy culture. I need to raise my voice. Both figuratively and literally. That’s the challenge. Not
dropping into a deep hole of shame, but continuing to make art in the face of
the indifference with which society often greets you. Sure beats the
alternative. LET ME ASK YA THIS...

Is your strategy for sticking yourself out there as unique as what you’re sticking out there?

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Friday, October 21, 2016

Integrity is overrated. None of us can fully live according to all of our beliefs, every moment of every day. Human beings are fundamentally flawed and inconsistent. And so, berating ourselves for lesser behaviors like judging and obsessing and quitting and settling isn’t helpful. Nor is hating ourselves for being caught in an identity that’s less than who we are. Just because we spend an afternoon applying for low paying, mediocre jobs that won’t light our soul on fire, doesn’t mean we’ve suddenly compromised our standards and violated our morals. And just because we spend a year of our lives temporarily buying into somebody else’s system of rules and rewards, doesn’t mean we’re treasonous, sell out hacks. It’s not a crime to have a crack in the foundation. There is no integrity police standing outside our door, battering ram in hand. The goal is to simply accept ourselves. To catch the goodness in ourselves. And to attempt to feel alive in all of our contradictions, without trying to put everything in a tidy little compartment. It’s actually quite liberating, letting go of the specter of integrity. LET ME ASK YA THIS...

What’s your favorite way to beat yourself up?

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Thursday, October 20, 2016

Most people have no idea about their talents. They overestimate what they do well, and they underestimate their unexpected or unrealized gifts. And unless somebody holds up a mirror, their potential might go to waste. And so, as leaders, we’re obligated to witness human genius. To be stand for greatness. And to announce to people who we think they are. Because doing so might be the only way they’ll ever notice and nurture it. I have a friend who runs a fast growing tech startup. He hires new interns and employees every six months. And part of his approach to turning on the lights to people’s talents is simple. He doesn’t give them some pre approved human resources personality test, he just tells them the following: If everybody is surprised at how easy something comes to you, there’s something there. You should do something with that. Tom’s process is a deeply intuitive and experiential approach to getting the most out of his people. But it works. Because everyone has unconscious competencies. Everyone has a second nature skill set. But few people are seen for those gifts. Just imagine how much better the world could become if we took the time to open people’s eyes that. Remember, noticing, naming and nurturing people’s talent is a talent unto itself. Don’t let the gifted people around you wink in the dark any longer.LET ME ASK YA THIS...

Are you treating people’s talent like a piece of meat or a pan of gold?

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