One Of Life's Unsung Priorities

This is not a unique experience. If you'll pardon the tongue stuck in my cheek (I mean my own tongue, folks), I'd say doing this -- getting up to use the washroom -- is preferrable to the vast majority (I know there are exceptions, even here in E.P.) than the alternative of not waking up in the middle of the night to pee, or of waking up and then NOT getting up to pee. Ugh! It's also better to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom than to go sleepwalking to the bathroom. This actually happened to me once, while I was living in res. at university. The going to the bathroom part went off without a hitch, but afterwards I continued sleepwalking . . . right into one of my floor-mates rooms (thankfully he was still up studying when this happened) to go back to bed. At least I didn't sleepwalk down the girls' wing and into one of their rooms . . .

Also, in case you hadn't already figured, the purpose of my writing this isn't so my audience can envision me staggering out of bed and teetering back and forth to the bathroom, to sit on the john during the wee hours. (A guy's aim isn't that good when he's half asleep. Better to manuever my bottom onto the pot than suffer the ignominy a misfire causes.) This is for information purposes only. The film adaptation will not be featured on A & E, Lifestyle, or any other station any time soon, or ever (thank God)!

Good grief! What a stupd story! Does this need telling? I must have rocks in my head, or something?

Waking up every night to go to the bathroom has been going on nearly every night my whole life, as far back as I can remember. There's nothing new about it. As I get older, though, I sometimes have to get up a couple times per night now. Unless I've had a fair bit to drink in the hour or so before hitting the hay. I may as well curl up in the bathtub those nights for all the times I need to get up.

Occasionally, I'll actully go through the entire night without waking up to the use bathroom. It's so rare, though, as to be a novelty, almost worthy of writing home about. Which would be totally pointless, since I already am home! The surprise would be more pleasant if I didn't have to leap up and run desperately to the loo, though, especially back when I was a teenager, who awoke more often than not with a raging *****! Don't worry, ladies, if you don't understand -- it's a guys thing. Just know that trying to take a pee in that circumstance, especially when you're desperate, is a real ******.

Did I actually say that??!! I just lost all of my censorship ratings! Where's my freakin' filter gone off to -- probably left it in bed, I guess. You know what? Just forget I ever wrote this piece, like a freakin' stream of . . . Never mind.