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Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -There is little I wouldn't give to go back in time and relive one really good day with her.

I thought you got to choose who you fall in love with. I thought love happened all the time. How childish.

I met her when I was 19 and saw her as thoroughly repulsive. She wasn't physically attractive at all, she had a bad complexion, she swore like an Osborn, came off as a slut, she was into drugs and sex and the Dead. She was from a privlaged background but bent on seeking out all that was seedy and tawdry. And I kind of had my heart set on meeting a beautiful virgin.

We worked long hours together at a dangerous job and became a team. We both hungered for adventurous lives and we were living smack in the middle of adventure and loving it. She could tell great stories and had wild stories to tell. She had an inner fire, she had a charisma that you rarely see. Really I've only ever met 5 or 10 people touched with that kind of charisma. She was very intelligent, wild, open, foolishly brave and fiercely independent. She could tell of her adventures in prostitution or discuss literature or all the times she was raped while hitchhiking. Her father died when she was young, she was a mess.

The second day we worked together she said 'I'm really into sex, we should do it sometime'. A month or two later I gave in and agreed to sleep with her. It was too good. Even the feel of her muscle tone when I held her somehow felt diffrent. Later in the summer we spent a weekend in a tent making love like we were in-love, and that is when I began lying to myself. She was totally not a girl that I would ever see myself with. Most of my friends and family who met her, hated her. Later the job ended, she went back to school, I went my way. She became a stripper as a goof. It bothered me, but given her history it was pretty tame. And my whole thing was never showing that anything ever affected me.

I tried to find the same spark in other more appropriate women but counted the days between our next vacations together.

A couple years later we were together again on a new adventure. We lived together which somehow immediately changed everything. She cried when we made love, she said I was the love of her life. Hours later she would make it clear that I was of no value to her, standing in the way of everything she really wanted to be doing. It became a cycle, I was young and hitting the learning curve all wrong. She was in another league and playing the game as no-win.

One night I told her I loved her, I knew that was the worst thing to say, she soon cheated on me and said steak every night gets boring, she needed a hamburger once in a while. Half of me said 'but of course', the other half in total disbelief. I decided to cut off the physical part of our relationship and just be friends, that lasted one day.

We stopped being friends. I loved her and hated her. When we weren't in the middle of making love like we were in-love she was making it clear that I had the least status of anyone else in her life. I knew that I was coming off as that character is Shakespeare, acting all needy and clinging, humiliating myself out of deep love for a donkey. The worst play possible here. But I really had the hardest time seeing anything concerning her with any objectivity.

She planned to leave and go back home. She cheated on me again just before she left. I was glad to see her go, and devistated. She called. I hung up. She wrote and said she finally got a chance to try the big H. She wrote and said she was going back to school. I didn't write back. She stopped writing.

I kept my passion for adventure, I've lived a big life since then, making alot of the dreams we shared real for myself.

I don't want to believe my brush with love was that rare. But the evidence is getting a little overwhelming. Maybe the luckiest break of my life was that ill fated, encounter with the most inappropriate person who just happened to be the only person who's soul struck a cord with mine.

There is little I wouldn't give to go back in time and relive one really good day with her.

Slime-O-Meter

3.00 out of 5 slimes

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