I gave the gun more than just a passing glance today. Never considered it before, but it would be so quick. My husband says he doesn't know what to do with me anymore. What he doesn't realize is that I don't know what to do with me either. I want someone to hold me like a child and let me cry until I don't feel the pain anymore. But there's no one to do that.

Someone said once that the usefulness of a hospital stay was not that they could cure a depression in 2 weeks (however long you are there) but that you can just let go of everything; all responsibility, etc. It's not the same as having someone you can truly bare your tormented soul to, but i wonder if it's a possibility.

The one time i was in the hospital, there was remarkably little overt treatment, but I guess it benefitted me because it was a forced "reboot".

I was in grad school at the time, and lived with housemates, and had no people or pets that I was directly responsible for. I had more or less suspended/fired from my job, so I had little to lose. My parents covered my rent for one month. after the respite I was able to say truthfully that I didn't think it was worth killing myself over and that there were alternatives. I was able to detach because I had relatively few responsibilities.

bills, the need to take care of a child or kid, all could complicate the decision to enter a hospital. In my case I didn't have a choice really, as I was taken there, and told I could sign myself in voluntarily or the hospital would go to a judge, as it had become known that I was suicidal.

Please talk to your husband at least. Give him any firearms and ammo you have, get him to lock them away until you are feeling better. I don't know you or your husband and I'm only new to these boards but I'm sure he cares about you. It sounds like he just doesn't know what to do to make you feel better. Maybe he just doesn't understand depression, or I could be way off the mark here? I am sure that he still loves you though, he would not stick by you through the bad times if he didn't love you and didn't want to be with you. Please keep safe and call a suicide hotline if you're thinking about ending your life.