30.4.12

MYTHBUSTERS: on the alleged horrors of final year

It seemed like my birthday party more or less lasted about 10 days in some form or another, and though it seems like aaaages ago now that lots of wonderful people turned up to our gaff dressed in their Finest Fantasia Threadz (we had Chernabogs and Yen Sids, rainbow ladies and grape-bedraggled wine gods, unicorns and sparkly fawns, dancing Chinese mushrooms and amoebas.....obviously the previous post was effective), I suppose it really only was like 3 weeks ago. True to form I've achieved a delightfully measly amount since then and I'm having a real hard time resenting that, because I'm off to Paris in a week's time to see some gigs and burying your head in the sand is so much easier when you're in a pretty place where you don't understand what anybody's saying and can just thwart the worries with PASTRY and LOUD NOISES.

So I sort of feel like it's dangerous to even admit to thinking this - but, well... I got told time and time again by basically everybody I know that has graduated before me (so basically all of my peers and a frightening amount of people my brain still classes as children) that final year is the suckiest, lamest, shittiest, most horrific time of your life, EVER. Like, I was setting myself up for damage control against suicide tendencies and a year-long sense of impending doom. No doubt, there have been doomy parts: I have indeed found myself crying in front of tutors (this was as much tactical as it was genuine panic and frustration - art tutors go into autopilot when confronted with human emotion), and there have been moments where I've had to extract myself from my housemates because THEY'RE GOING TO TELL ME IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY and IT CLEARLY FUCKING ISN'T...... but well, actually, I think they had a point all along and it probably will all be fine, y'know? Higher education is actually one big funny hilarious joke anyway! My art tutor, the head of our course and a man who probably earns like alotta dough to tell budding artists about the vitality of art and the 'operacy of making' and 'exploration of materials'....well, his favourite band is COLDPLAY, and he EMPLOYS OTHER PEOPLE to make his art for him. He looks at you like you've just asked to purchase his firstborn off him if you so much as say hello (this really really is not an exaggeration, ask anybody on my course to impersonate his 'reaction to greetings face'), and I doubt that he'd be able to describe in detail one piece of work I've ever made. I'm sure if he was pressed to do this, he'd blame this on my inadequacy as an artist. I have paid approximately £11,000 over the past four years for the privilege of receiving this guidance. Total LOLZ!

But basically, I have arrived at the conclusion that the only way to fight against this BIG HEAP OF SMELLY BULLSHIT- which is exactly what it is, and no tutor is going to convince me otherwise this late in the game - is to enjoy making stupid shit and find a way of contextualizing it as my art. This is likely to be the last time in my life that I receive a loan to make art. Somehow, my loan this year has stretched to financing global gallivanting to see awesome bands and meet some amazing people. So yeah, that's another lie: final year isn't all poverty and living on beans. I went to the Bahamas! I'm going to Paris next week! (Student Loans Company do appear to have gone a bit gung-ho and potentially overpaid me...I understand my position is probably somewhat unique) This week, I've mainly been making a giant pair of papier mache hands and discussing my rap collab with my housemate whilst rolling around in a giant bag of beans that we're fashioning into fairy bums, whilst occasionally stopping to drink wine/paint our mural/watch Saturday Night Telly/have an impromptu living room wrestling tournament with some fellow artists/make burgers/play an 11-strong full-blown Articulate TOURNAMENT that WILL descend into mayhem. I literally cannot think of a more idyllic life. It's sort of ridiculous actually. And if you wanna ask me to contextualize: Matthew Stone: 'Optimism As Cultural Rebellion', Rirkit Tiravanija and his orgy-filled Apartment (obvz my version is probably a bit tamer), Andrew WK and his whole philosophy on Everything ('party hard'?? duh go watch his lectures). Like, I've thought it alllll through. It's totally art! It's failsafe!

I suppose it might not prove to be totally failsafe - I mean, I might ACTUALLY FAIL, but I think I probably won't and if I don't I'll probably have another lovely party about it or something and if I do fail it's because my tutors are obviously massive chumps so I WIN AGAIN! HAHA! FINAL YEAR RULES!