Problem Solving When obstacles get you down Do obstacles get you down when youre trying to get something done? An excellent book, Chicken Soup for the Soul, asks you to consider the following: After Fred Astaires first screen test, a 1933 memo from the MGM testing director said: Cant act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little. Astaire kept that memo over the fire-place in his Beverly Hills home. An expert said of famous football coach Vince Lombardi: He possesses minimal football knowledge. Lacks motivation. Louisa May Alcott, the author of Little Women, was advised by her family to find work as a servant or seamstress. Beethoven handled the violin awkwardly and preferred playing his own compositions instead of improving his technique. His teacher called him hopeless as a composer. The teacher of famous opera singer Enrico Caruso said Caruso had no voice at all and could not sing. Walt Disney was fired by a news-paper for lacking ideas. He also went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland. Eighteen publishers turned down Richard Bachs 10,000-word story about a soaring seagull before Macmillan finally published it in 1970. By 1975, Jonathan Livingston Seagull had sold more than seven million copies in the U.S. alone. Source: Chicken Soup for the Soul: 101Stories to Open the Heart and Rekindle the Spirit, written and compiled by Jack Canfield and Mark V. Hansen, Health Communications Inc., 3201 S.W. 15th St., Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.

Teamwork How to deal with conflict To handle conflict among your team members: Ask those who disagree to para-phrase one anothers comments. This may help them learn if they really understand one another. Work out a compromise. Agree on the underlying source of conflict, then engage in give-and-take and finally agree on a solution. Ask each member to list what the other side should do. Exchange lists, select a compromise all are willing to accept, and test the compromise to see if it meshes with team goals. Have the sides each write 10 questions for their opponents. This will allow them to signal their major concerns about the other sides position. And the answers may lead to a compromise. Convince team members they sometimes may have to admit theyre wrong. Help them save face by convincing them that changing a position may well show strength. Respect the experts on the team. Give their opinions more weight when the conflict involves their expertise, but dont rule out conflicting opinions. Source: Making Teams Succeed at Work, Alexander Hamilton Institute, 70 Hilltop Road, Ramsey, NJ 07446.

Communication Skills What to ask your boss Boost communication and build trust with your boss. How? Say what you need or expect from him or her. Be clear and concise, and the reactions may surprise you. Examples:  If you need more time, ask the boss for five minutes to discuss work progress. Surprise: Chances are, youll get at least twice that amount. Also, the bosss interest in your work will grow, so youll receive more feedback and input.  When you need some relief from the bosss watchful eye, offer to provide a detailed report. Outline the tools youre using and say that youll ask for more help should you need it. Surprise: This may turn a boss whos a hands-on hindrance into a delegation dream. Source: Managing Your Boss, by John J. Gabarro and John P. Kotter, cited in Harvard Management Update, Harvard Business School Publishing Corp., 60 Harvard Way, Boston, MA 02163.

Communication Skills: Listening Why we dont hear others If you want to listen so you really hear what others say, make sure youre not a: Mind reader. Youll hear little or nothing as you think What is this person really thinking or feeling? Rehearser. Your mental tryouts for Heres what Ill say next tune out the speaker. Filterer. Some call this selective listeninghearing only what you want to hear. Dreamer. Drifting off during a face-to-face conversation can lead to an embarrassing What did you say? or Could you repeat that? Identifier. If you refer everything you hear to your experience, you probably didnt really hear what was said. Comparer. When you get side-tracked assessing the messenger, youre sure to miss the message. Derailer. Changing the subject too quickly soon tells others youre not interested in anything they have to say. Sparrer. You hear whats said but quickly belittle it or discount it. That puts you in the same class as the derailer. Placater. Agreeing with every-thing you hear just to be nice or to avoid conflict does not mean youre a good listener. Source: The Writing Lab, Department of English, Purdue University, 1356 Heavilon Hall, West Lafayette, IN 47907.