“5:00 AM – 6:00 AM”

Jack is sitting in the back of an ambulance and he is itching to get on with it. The EMT says to him, “You have level 3 bruises. Are you sure you don’t want them wrapped?” The EMT obviously doesn’t know Jack’s history or he would realize that having “Level 3 bruises” is Jack’s “normal.”

As we cut to CTU we learn that the nuclear rods (remember them?) are now in a cab winding its way through the streets of New York City. Apparently, the thickets of sludge on the East river didn’t slow Samir down one bit.

“Hello. Sunshine Cab Company, Reverend Jim speaking.”

Chloe is using her “Eye in the Sky” tracking device to keep an “eye” on the yellow cab containing the rods as it is making its way crosstown. If the crowd at CTU thinks they are going to be able to follow the cab all the way to its final location, they have another think coming.

A curiously, newly-empowered Dana is monkeying with the controls and manages to cut the feed from the surveillance satellite for 30 seconds

We cut to a three-shot of President Taylor, Rob “The Weasel” Weiss and…wait a minute…we have a familiar face here…why, it’s none other than former Secretary of State Ethan Kanin! You might remember him from the second hour when we watched him pop some nitro pills under his tongue. Was that a fore-shadowing of things to come? Welllllll….could be.

The trio gets a call from Brian Hastings. The normally chipper CTU Director has some ominous news, “I can no longer guarantee the safety of Manhattan.”

The President, in the space of a couple of seconds, examines and discards numerous options that are open to her at this point. She finally surrenders to the inevitable.

“Get me Jack Bauer,” she demands.

Meanwhile…

The satellite outage has given the rod-carrying cab a chance to duck into a nondescript garage.

Inside the garage, things are really humming. We are treated to a whole lot of arc welding sparks so it is obvious that everyone is trying to look busy when the big boss shows up.

The Head Welder (whose name I didn’t manage to get and, frankly, I am too lazy to rewind the recording to find out what it is) approaches Samir, “All we have to do is load in the fuel rods and it will be functional, ” he says looking at the contraption he and his little elves have managed to build. “Then we just need some sucker to drive the van into the city and sit with the bomb until it explodes.

Oh, Taaaarinnn…

A couple of quick cuts here…

Jack shows up at the UN building. That’s right, the President has taken him off the front lines to play escort to President Hassan. He is briefed by a Secret Service agent who bears a passing resemblance to Detective Marge Gunderson from “Fargo.” The sole purpose of this scene is so that the viewing audience can be informed that the Subterranean Evacuation (SE for short) will be commencing in…what else…10 minutes.

Cut to wherever President Taylor is sequestered. She is now surrounded by what appears to be a relatively laid back, uniform-less, assemblage of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Whatever they are discussing at that point is cut off by a telephone call from Samir. His non-negotiable offer is, “Turn over Hassan in one hour or the dirty bomb will be detonated. I am starting the clock right now!” Oh, great. Now we have another ticking clock on this show to keep track of.

“Hey, baby, after this is over I’ll ditch the wife and we can compare shrapnel scars.”

After the President hangs up, the room erupts in heated ethical and moral discourse. On one side are those who argue that if the US turns Hassan over to the terrorists it will send a message to the world that visitors can never feel safe in our country again, let alone break our long-standing rule of never negotiating with terrorists.

On the other side of the fence, are those that feel the lives of tens of thousands of Americans are worth more than a vaguely Middle Eastern appearing leader.

They go back and forth, back and forth, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Finally, the President interrupts and settles the argument. She bristles at the implication that turning Hassan over to Samir is a “viable” option.

“We will deal with whatever happens because that’s what we do. Americans don’t stay down. We rise up together in times of crisis. We carry on. Is that clear?!” She storms out of the room.

Pretty cool, huh?

One of the proponents of the “Turn Hassan Over” plan was, not surprisingly, Rob “The Weasel” Weiss. As soon as the President is gone, one of the guys, General Brucker, approaches him with a plan.

“We turn Hassan over to the terrorists but we make it look like he was kidnapped. Yeah, that’s the ticket. This way we kill two birds with one stone, see? We can spare NYC and preserve our reputation at the same time. It’s gold, I tell ya’…gold.”

For what it’s worth Weiss puts up a half-hearted attempt to disagree with the General, “What you are proposing is Sedition, Sir”

“If the orders of the President are illegal, it is our moral obligation to disobey them,” says Brucker.

Power to the people! Right On!- Ooops, I’m sorry. That awoke the 60s radical in me.

“I’m asking for your cooperation, Mr. Weiss,” says the General, “for the good of the country.”

Well, that’s enough justification for Weiss so he agrees to help the General gain access to some important stuff that is on Ethan Kanin’s laptop.

Meanwhile, back at CTU, Hastings is addressing the gang.

He basically tells them that they are trapped like rats on a sinking ship with almost no hope for survival. But then he rallies his inner Knute Rockne.

“We are the last line of defense. That’s our job with every second of every minute we have left. Go back over all your leads. Appeal to your sources one last time. Find that bomb!”

All this time, Dana is calmly feeding roadblock locations to Samir. Chloe throws one of her “over-the-shoulder suspicious glares,” but she goes right back to work.

Back to the bomb…

Surprisingly, Tarin has found a parking place in Manhattan and he is sitting in the driver’s seat awaiting instructions. Samir obliges him and instructs Tarin to set the timer on the bomb to 15 minutes.

I guess we aren’t seeing any fireworks tonight.

Cut to Ethan’s office.

Weiss and Brucker are standing over Ethan’s laptop waiting for the information to download onto a thumb drive.

“You know,” says Weiss, “”Jack Bauer is not someone to be taken lightly.”

The General responds, “He is up against an elite team.”

Yeah. The best he could pull together and convince to commit treason in the last 10 minutes.

“Bauer and his team don’t stand a chance.”

Whatever, General.

Suddenly, the door opens and in walks Ethan. He spots the thumb drive poking out of his laptop and he knows something is up. He tries to leave but Brucker blocks his way.

Sensing a stalemate, Ethan plays his “Heart Attack” card.

I am strongly resisting a major “told you so” here, but for the record, I mentioned in my first blog that the nitro-popping that Ethan was into was setting the stage for this.

Weiss springs to help. He grabs the nitro pills from Ethan’s shaky hand and tries to feed him some. In the process, he sprays the remaining pills all over the rug.

Ethan hisses, “You will spend the rest of your life in prison. Don’t betray your President.”

“This is not an emotional decision,” the General says, “It is a tactical one.”

He then recites the mantra that is common to all crazy Generals, “Someday the country will thank me for it.”

Little did Pinky and the Brain know, but Ethan had tried to speed dial Jack during the confrontation but the call was never completed. Now a suspicious Jack is frantically trying to track Ethan down. He finally has the switchboard route him to Ethan’s phone. Weiss decides to take the call.

Obviously, Weiss couldn’t endure even Jack’s long distance interrogation. He panics and he hangs up on Jack.

Let’s take a moment to roll this around in our heads for awhile…Weiss hung up on Jack…he hung up on JACK…HE HUNG UP ON JACK!

“The Son of a B–ch hung up on me,” growls Jack, and he turns his Subterranean Evacuation (SE) Party around and starts heading back to the UN.

Just then, the tactical team opens fire on Jack and his group.

“Everybody run! But whatever you do, be careful. Don’t trip and sprain your ankle or we will be in a helluva mess!”

They start to run but have to slow down when Kayla trips and sprains her ankle.

They bravely decide to make a stand.

Jack throws Hassan a gun and says, “President, take care of your family.”

Jack and Renee take off the face the tactical team alone. Jack throws a bunch of either smoke bombs or stink bombs…let’s say stink bombs, it’s funnier.

Jack ends up being cornered by one of the tactical guys and, surprise, surprise, Hassan uses his gun to bail Jack out of the predicament.

Jack strips off the guy’s ski mask and is astonished.

“You’re American,” he says. “Why did you attack us?”

The guy spills his guts, “General Brucker is in charge.”

He tries to convince Jack that it is now his responsibility to turn Hassan over to the terrorists. But Jack immediately snaps, “I don’t take orders from anyone but the President of the United States.”

Let’s peek in on our friend Tarin.

Samir is pissed when he hears about the attempt to sneak Hassan out so he has called Tarin and tells him to set the timer on the bomb.

“The blood will be on the President’s hands,” he says. “Start the countdown and stay with the bomb to make sure no one interferes with it.”

Tarin says to himself, “Can we re-think that last part about staying with the bomb? I’m in a pretty secluded place. What are the chances that someone is going to stumble across this thing?”

As if Samir could read Tarin’s mind, he seductively whispers into the phone, “Your name will never be forgotten, my friend. Your family will be honored above all.”

Yeah, with that and 5 bucks you can buy a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

Ka-chunk…ka-chunk…ka-chunk…

~~~~~

THE “DAMMIT!” COUNT

The total number of times Jack has said, “DAMMIT!” since the “Day” began.

As of the end of the 14th hour: 12

This time last season: 18

“Dammit Deficit”: -6

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Quote of the week: “I don’t take orders from anyone but the President of the United States.”

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