"Of course we're very happy," Vettel told reporters. "Now it is clear that there is no way that I am a non-human robot automaton built to operate high-performance racing cars. It's crazy to even suggest that."

"You can't fool us, Robo-Driver," chanted angry townspeople earlier today at Marko's castle in the Alps, pitchforks in hand. At the time of publication, it is unclear if Vettel will release the hounds on them.