my mother my best friend

by sarha dobbert
(denton tx)

I wanted to share my story of grief with all the women young and old. My mother Peggy Lee Hoehne was a beautiful compassionate woman with no known enamies everyone who crossed her path fell madly for her!! In the winter of 2009 I found out I was pregnant with my second child yay for me seeing as how it took 4 years to get pregnant anyway by january 2010 we were starting doctor visits and excitment of the new life was erupting from Nana! In the next couple months my mom called me scared because she was bleeding heavily we never got her to go to the doctor she was more wrapped up in my care and the baby so she always made excuses. after the baby was born in August of 2010 she got worse bleeding more started having pain and said there was something up there she could feel it. In the begining of 2011 i quit my job and decided to take care of her for once. March 16 2011 I took my mom to the er and they did there exams and tests and came to inform us that she was stage 4 cervical cancer.Now with as hard as this was to process I knew before I took her and thats why we went was because the info I found online. When we got out of the hospital a week later we did nothing it wasnt real it couldnt be right?. May 2011After our second trip to an in town hospital we realized there was no hope and no looking back. We went to a larger hospital in a near town where after 6 hours waiting they did a biopsey on the vaginal tumor and instered a port in her chest for the chemothreapy. Hope finally we are getting somewhere.... after the surgery the doctor came to speak to me and informed me that if my mom had know even 5 years ago she wouldnt have been going through this whole thing and her life expectance was less than 20%. Now me being scared tried to make it sound like great odds and that wasnt the case see the kind doctor informed me my mother only had 6 months from the point of diagnoses. Summer 2011 We began treatment and with all the pain and tears the tumors shrank which gave us hope. At the end of July I recieved a call from my mom who in a calm voice said help me something is wrong. She had collapsed in the kitchen I rushed her to the hospital heart rate 50/70 and a broken hip. They did emergancy caradic artery bipass and kept her in the hospital for a week. September 2011 We went into the hospital for headaches and she was diagonosed with a brain tumor. At this point the cancer was in her brain bones lungs and liver. At the end of this hospital stay we were placed on hospice. October 2011Mama had her 52nd birthday on October 12 2011. She was taking all of her meds 20 pills 6x a day for pain and anexity and antibiotics because she stayed sick. On October 25 2011 my sister and I rushed her to the hospital because she couldnt breathe they told her it was pnemoniua and sent her upstairs since she was a cancer patient she always had to stay. She seemed fine just alil hard to breathe. Friday morning my sister called me and said the doctoer had told them she didnt in fact have pnemoniua it was tumors in her lung that was making it impossible to breathe. That night i went to see her like always and when I got ready to leave kissed her on the forehead and told her I would see her tomorrow she said ok baby I love you Goodbye now this word isnt used in our family ever!!!! I stoped dead in my tracks as a cold chill ran down my spine I wanted so badly to ask her to take it back but instead decieded to keep quite. After getting home my phone began to ring..... Id only been home for an hour It was the doctor my mom had taken a turn for the worst in the short time I was gone and we went through ther medical options as I lay colapsed on the bedroom floor crying. We spent the next 2 days saying our goodbyes giving kisses and telling crazy stories about mama. Sunday October 30 2011 the doctor stopped in to see about her and informed us she had 6 to 12 hours at the maximum we all cried more. Late that night i decieded to head home but got half way when my sister called saying I had to come back!!!! She had crashed. When I returned she was clinging by a thread and after 30 mins of the final fight while my sister and I held her mama took her last breaths and was peacefully gone. December 2011 I still feel her I dont really cry I feel like Im under water and cant breathe when she was alive and having treatments and everything I had anxiety attacks every week now i have to force myself to feel any kind of emotion at all Im no longer myself its not fair she was my bestt friend we did everything together and now Im alone.every woman no mater where you are or what you do get checked please Nobody deserves to go through what she had to go through and nobody deserves to watch a loved one go through these things either. I love you mama I miss you