We put a sign-up sheet out at the beginning of the school year. The object is to find a friend or two and you pick a Friday to bring in treats for the staff who participate in what we call Fat Friday. Usually there will be a couple dozen bagels with cream cheese and butter, some pastries, fruit, sometimes a vegie tray, cheese and crackers - basically finger foods that you might put out if you were have a brunch buffet.

Some people pick certain days so they can have a theme for their treats - holidays, super bowl, etc. If there is a week when no one signs up, it's a free for all with everybody pitching in with something, whether it is a box of donuts, or a container of juice, or maybe those canned nuts that Aunt Genevieve always gets you for Christmas but you don't particularly care for. Get the gist?

Well, today it was "our" turn. The office staff (including the principal who was out but who subsidized his part with his wallet ahead of time) and the custodian all teamed up and since it was Arbor Day, we decorated the table in the faculty room with some gardening items from the $ store, used flower pots for utensils and food containers, etc.

We had a very nice spread with fruit, cakes, brownies, chips and salsa, candy, quiches, bagels, and cheese and crackers. Everyone enjoyed it and so did I up until it was time to clean up.

No, I'm not going to bitch about having to clean up, what I'm going to say is that I went into a mild panic when the very sharp serrated knife I had brought from home to use to cut up the quiches and cake was missing near the end of the day.

Very.Sharp.Knife.Missing..............check the garbage............check my bags...............check the drawers...........did I bring it with me?...........check my cooler...............yes, I remember washing it just before lunch and putting it on the counter next to the sink to dry with some empty containers...............check the refrigerator..............check my bags again..................maybe I should call home and see if I left it there............check the garbage again..............no, I know it was there because I used it to cut the quiches...............check the cooler again.................check under the tables in the faculty room...........send out an e-mail to the staff.............. maybe someone borrowed it...................but why would they need to take it out of the room..............what if a student went in there and took it out of their room.................oh dear, they're going to be leaving soon and someone has the knife......................no one is answering the e-mail.............. yikes, should we be in lock down until we find it?.....................too late, the buses have left..................no one is answering the e-mail...................OMG suppose a student has it and pulls it out of his/her backpack on the bus............... my mind is racing, the phones still ring, the doorbell still rings, someone's parents forget to pick them up and they need to use the phone.............people are asking if the knife was found...............I have to answer no...............I'm realizing that I'm numb..........the world is going by but all I can do is worry about where that knife is and if someone will get hurt.............I text the boss - call me..................will he answer?........tick, tick, tick................he calls my cell............. I take the call in his office............something happened and I'm not comfortable with it.........................he's calm...................reassuring...............there's a knock on the door.....................the secretary tells me the knife was found.............someone took it to their room to cut a pizza and forgot to bring it back to the faculty room...............I tell the boss..............he's not quite getting that I wasn't afraid of getting in trouble for bringing a knife to school..............I was afraid of it getting into the wrong hands and someone getting hurt............I explain...................okay, he says relax.............I'll try..........I'll breathe easier now..............yes, you have a good weekend too...........

A student found this and thought it should "go to" the Lost and Found. I told him I didn't think it could find it's way to the Lost and Found because it's head was missing. He didn't laugh and I didn't ask him what happened to the head.

Like most schools, we have some children with unusual names. It's nice this student's initials spell ED so the parents don't have to call him Early.

This I-phone belongs to a 4th grader. Someone found it in the grass ouside the school. Thank goodness for the heavily encrusted jeweled case - it had rained overnight and it still works! Oh, and she was very glad to show me how to use the camera on my phone as I had not yet tried that. AND she told me where I could find some good deals on-line on all kinds of cell phone accessories.

Friday the 13th comes along with as much superstition attached to it as does the monthly full moon. Of course, any given day can have as much high jinxs as the next, but it's nice to have something to blame it on.

There's a look that passes between us when the students start piling up in the "waiting area" or when the principal comes out of the office with a list of students to be called to the office. It's not an eyeroll, but you know it when you see it. "Must be the full moon" is implied. You don't even have to say it.

Of course anything wacky that happens, like some kind of equipment breaking, or someone's tire going flat in the parking lot can be attributed to Friday the 13th. Thankfully, there's only one or two of them in a year.

Well, this month both the full moon and Friday the 13th fell on days when school was not in session due to the spring break.

Just as well.

However, I am not looking forward to returning to work on Monday to see what the gremlins have done while we were away!

Well, I'd love you to read my posts, but this is something I'd like to have a sign made of for my desk:

"Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency for me"

I'd especially like those who are receiving an extra stipend for the activity that they're doing to take note.

This would be the teachers who are in charge of the science fair, the school play, the music concerts, etc.

They all get a stipend for their "extra" work and the time that they have to put in to these events. However, there is no stipend for the office staff who also have "extra" work during these events.

We make copies, order materials, answer numerous phone calls with questions about the event, and the doorbell to accommodate visitors during these events. We schedule the room, arrange for the set-up, find coverage for you when needed. All this during our regular working hours when the normal routine of the day is in full force.

And, we do not receive one extra penny.

I'd like to say - don't come to me the day before your event and tell me that you need masking tape to hang your posters and there's none in the supply room. Or that you need to order supplies to make the scenery for the play and you need it preferably yesterday, so the purchase order needs to be done asap and faxed...... etc.

Instead we are expected to fit the emergency into our schedule. And they get paid extra for their time.

What's This All About?

Each week I will post a snippet or synopsis of a conversation or observation from the school office I work in. I deal with students/children, parents, teachers, and administrators on a daily basis. Sometimes I think that I will really need CPR because these people "kill me" with their wit, or lack of it, their compassion, or lack of it, and their wisdom, or lack of it. Who would have known that a school clerk could have such a life or death job!

About Me

Welcome. My name is Lorraine Mastalski and I'm a lifelong crafter married 40 years to the love of my life who tolerates my obsession with craft supplies and the creative mess we're constantly in the state of. I work in a busy school office and come home to de-stress in my craft room to keep my sanity. Our children have left the nest and we were left with the bird - Kirby, our cockatiel who can be both sweet and nasty in a split second. I hope you enjoy your visit here.