A Kindler, Gentler Jihad

Palestinian Islamic Jihad is undergoing a multimillion dollar image makeover and will now be known simply as “jihad,” the militant organization announced in February.

Hired to enhance its reputation as a “cutting-edge” radical group, the public relations firm AKPD has taken immediate action. The firm has amended the logo to make it more appealing, and ordered the name written entirely in lower case, using the “Myriad” font.

Top officials have new die-cut, chip-encoded business cards, reportedly embossed, which are designed to integrate seamlessly with a new vcard database. Each nonsuicidal emissary will be equipped with the latest Blackberry technology and syncing software.

The re-branding follows pressure by the Global Organization for Grammatical Terrorism and the self-styled Palestinian Anti-Tautology and Use of Words When Not Entirely Necessary Association.

The latter organization wrote an open letter to Islamic Jihad in June 2009, saying, “We must refer you to dictionary definitions for the word ‘Jihad,’ which is inherently an Islamic concept. Using the phrase ‘Islamic Jihad’ is tautological. It’s like talking about a ‘Jewish rabbi,’ a ‘Catholic pope’ or a kvetchy chef. Your poor grammar is bringing Islam into disrepute. Radicalism should be no bar to the good use of language.” With this latest campaign under its belt, AKPD is hotly tipped for the much coveted Federal Reserve portfolio.