The Top 10 Teams Nobody Would Miss if They Went Away

by davidbreitmanOctober 19, 2010 at 10:00AM
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Views: 2,747

Sometimes it's important to remember that the reason nobody showed up to your birthday party isn't because they don't like you, it's because they don't care. The same adage can be said for these 10 professional sports franchises who routinely throw parties with relatively low fanfare.

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10. Atlanta Thrashers

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When Gary Bettman began his 20-year quest to destroy the NHL, one of the key components of his plan was to expand the league into places that could not support a franchise or consistently sustain ice.

With the second lowest attendance in the NHL and a fan base that routinely car pools to Fredrik Modin Appreciation Day events in a Toyota Camry, Bettman’s devious plot seems to be working perfectly in the Sun Belt. Once the Panthers, Predators, and Lightning (numbers 25, 22 and 26 in NHL attendance) follow suit, the diminutive commissioner can get back to his day job as a featured extra on Little People, Big World.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars

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The moving trucks have been circling the Jaguar’s parking lot like vultures for seven months. This team already has their left foot in Los Angeles and right one kicking themselves for signing David Garrard to a long term deal. Their departure is basically a done deal at this point. The only question left is who gets to keep their “AFC Championship Participation” banner from 14 years ago.

(Note: The Buffalo Bills could have easily taken this spot, but what else do people in upstate New York have? At least Jacksonville residents have warm weather and three attractive women.)

8. Florida Marlins

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We’re still waiting for the MLB office to confirm that this team hasn’t already disappeared, so until we get the call, they remain on the endangered – not extinct – list.

7. Toronto Raptors

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Quick… name one player on the Toronto Raptors.

In all fairness, the Raptors actually have a relatively large fan base – myself included - that supports the team through bad times and slightly worse ones. It just so happens that the NBA Players Association hasn’t jumped on board.

Since forming their franchise in 1995, Toronto has done a tremendous job bringing in talented players like Tracy McGrady, Vince Carter, and Chris Bosh. They’ve also done a spectacular job thanking them for their brief services after their abrupt departures. Nearly every player we (yes, the collective “we”) bring in eventually takes off and leaves a shattered mess of Serbian power forwards (and no playoff hope) behind. The fans may miss this team if it went away, but very few players would even notice.

6. Memphis Grizzlies

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This team already moved cities once and nobody really noticed. What are the chances things would change if it happened again?

Since switching countries in 2001, the Grizzlies have become one of the least successful franchises in the NBA in both attendance and winning percentage. Their only real contribution to the league was trading Pau Gasol to the Los Angeles Lakers in 2009 for a bag of used sneakers and Ron Artest’s second cousin.