The Top Seven Unintentionally Homoerotic Action Movies

August 12, 2010

Let's face it, there are about two substantial reason why men love to go see action and buddy films. We like watching dudes bust each others balls, and we like to watch things get blowed up real good. That's about the extent of it. However, sometimes we get more than we bargained for, and suddenly we're watching two highly trained fighter pilots squaring off against each wearing nothing but towels in a locker room filled with big, sweaty men. And for the most part, we have to assume that the sudden sexual tension is not quite what the director was going for.

Now we know, we know, it's blasphemy to call out Top Gun, a.k.a. one of the ultimate "guy movies" of the 1980s, as being homoerotic. After all, here you've got a movie about a bunch of cocky fighter pilots who, when they aren't going on about their incessant need for traveling at a high velocity are trolling bars looking to pick up women. Oh, and they're also playing beach volleyball. Half naked, oiled up, slow motion beach volleyball.

Can you honestly tell us that you never watched that scene and questioned, even for a moment, whether or not there was a deep-seated attraction between Maverick and Iceman, particularly after their heated exchanges in the locker room? Hell, Val Kilmer himself hinted at the sexual tension when, while doing press for the movie Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, was asked if he had ever played a gay character before. His response? "You mean other than Top Gun?"

6. 2 Fast 2 Furious

Source: Universal Pictures

In reality, you could probably pick any of the films from this storied "franchise" and point to a plethora of moments where it looked like, deep down, Paul Walker just wanted to kiss his male costar. In the first film he developed such a huge crush on Vin Diesel (and who can blame him) that he actually gave the dude a car and threw his career away for the man.

But it's not until we see him interact with Tyrese in the second film that the homoeroticism explodes to whole new levels. When Walker and Tyrese first see each other, they wind up rolling around on the ground in a "fight" that basically consists of them wrapping their legs around each other for awhile. Later, Walker is checking out the booty of the lovely Eva Mendes and Tyrese, other than joining in the ogling, actually seems jealous and calls him out on it, asking why he was checking her out. And just as mindboggling, Walker denies it, making them seem less like two old friends than a pair who suffered a nasty breakup.

5. Point Break

Source: 20th Century Fox

First of all, Point Break is one of the greatest "guilty pleasure" movies of all time, to the point where we're pretty sure someone in the comments will declare it's not a guilty pleasure at all, it's just a high quality film directed by a smokin' hot 60-year-old Oscar winner (Kathryn Bigelow). Secondly, it has to be pointed out that everything said about the Fast and the Furious series follows here, since those films are very clearly cheap knockoffs of this surfing classic.

Johnny Utah is sent undercover to infiltrate and take down a bank robbing surfer gang, and within a matter of minutes, it seems, he's so enamored of Bodhi that he cares less about doing his, you know, job than he does about making sure that the Zen master surf god likes him. Everything comes to a head when, in the words of Nick Frost in the movie Hot Fuzz, Utah loves Bodhi so much that he just can't pull the trigger (literally), and he ultimately quits his job at the FBI rather than take his very close friend into custody.

4. Rocky III

Source: MGM/UA

One of the two movies on this list that heavily relies on the idea that oiled up, sweaty men working out and fighting together, Rocky III for the most part is not as overtly homoerotic as some of the other films on this list. However, that's most definitely not to say there are no homoerotic undertones throughout the film as it explores the relationship between Rocky and Apollo Creed. And if you think we're wrong, we're betting you still know exactly what scene we are about to talk about. And in a way, doesn't that make said scene homoerotic enough to warrant discussion about how unintentionally homoerotic it is?

Anyway, as Apollo is helping Rocky prepare for a rematch with Mr. T, the pair wind up on a beach in California, wearing tight, short shorts, gazing at each other with the sexual tension filling the air and, after the finish racing each other, they engage in an embrace by the ocean (quite the romantic setting, by the way) that hangs on just a little too long, smushing their oiled up selves together in a very, very friendly way in the process.

Now we couldn't possibly put together a list of awkward male-on-male friendships and not include The Karate Kid, which yes, we are labeling an action based on the sheer number of near death experiences for Daniel LaRusso alone. From the moment Daniel fixes his eyes on Mr. Miyagi he's a goner, and their friendship just spirals into more and more awkward and uncomfortable territory as the series chugs right along.

In the first film, Daniel declares he doesn't need to go to any school dance because he'd rather be with Miyagi than a bunch of icky girls (and, presumably, their cooties). In the sequel, Daniel shows his dedication to his karate teacher by saying he's just fine with the idea of forgoing college in order to spend more time with the sensei. By the third film, it's made abundantly clear that everything in Daniel's life revolves around pissing off psychotic bullies and swooning over his diminutive, elderly friend. At the end of the day, The Karate Kid is a lot like Harold and Maude, only if Maude was a pudgy little handyman from Okinawa.

2. The Lord of the Rings

Source: New Line Cinema

First things first, we absolutely love the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the way it displays how friendship and loyalty prevails over evil, and creepy little dudes who are way too obsessed with rings and who represent said evil. Still, can you honestly tell us that you've ever watched any one of these films and not thought that maybe a couple of the characters were thinking about becoming more than just good friends?

Sam and Frodo are the obvious ones, but what about Merry and Pippin? Or Legolas and...well, anyone? From the time Merry is badly injured in battle and Pippin cradles him in his arms, Merry looking up and saying "I knew you'd find me" to the time Sam cradles Frodo in his arms (there sure is a lot of cradling going on, isn't there?) and tells him about flowers and thickets and a bunch of other stuff that only a gardener would talk about, that is one fellowship that seems, at times, to be just a little too tight. But hey, those guys spent months alone on the road to Mordor, and you know what they say: what happens on the road to Mordor stays on the road to Mordor.

1. 300

Source: Legendary Pictures

And we finish with perhaps the most obviously homoerotic film on this list, and not just because it's about a group of dudes who, when not spending their time oiled up and flexing for one another, did in reality engage in sex with each other and also little boys. Oddly enough, they left that bit out of both the graphic novel and the movie, but at some point that has to enter your mind when watching 300. But even if you don't dwell on the particular lifestyle the real life Spartans engaged in, it's highly unlikely you can watch a film wherein a bunch of ultra ripped dudes swagger around slathered in oil and wearing the old school equivalent of Speedos, thrusting phallic looking weapons into each other. And seriously, don't even get us started on Xerxes, who is very clearly just about as straight as Perez Hilton.