Will these contestants ever learn… to not try out for The Amazing Race unless they speak Spanish?

Tonight’s episode title, “Zip It, Bingo” – uttered by the devil herself – turned out to be a bit spoiler-y as theater performers and self-proclaimed “Queens of Bingo” Rowan Joseph and Shane Partlow were snuffed out at the end of the secondlegoftherace. They tried to be sneaky and conjure up a magical bus that would hurtle them toward their dream (O-66?), but it backfired. “This is how the race should be. We’re running it. We’re not sitting back,” Rowan explained as the pair was sitting back, helplessly, on the failure bus. They’re so sweet – and I just realized Shane is a dead ringer for Toby on The Office – but ultimately these guys were nowhere near competitive enough for the Race.

“You can’t have great success without great failure,” Shane kept saying. Hey, if he feels successful, that’s great. I’ve never been to Chile. He’s way ahead of most of us already.

Here’s how it all went down…

First-leg winners Marie and Tim (aptly dubbed Pinky and No Brain by Jamal, and Pink Hair and Her Punching Bag by EW.com commenter Babyinastraightjacket) arrive first at the Museo Corbeta Esmeralda, where “the officer of the day” will eventually post their next clue. Sadly, the officer of the day is not the large dog dozing in the middle of the group’s slumber party area, and everyone has to wait four hours ‘til opening time.

Pink Hair bosses everyone around about their backpacks, while “Afghanimals” Leo and Jamal remind viewers who missed last Sunday’s premiere that ice hockey dancer duo Ally and Ashley are their “race wives” – “because we have more of a commitment than as if we were their girlfriends.” Haha. / Gross!

First Spanish-speaking challenge of the night: The teams must figure out the famous phrase Chilean national hero Arturo Prat uttered before sinking his ship (“Charge the ship, men!” – not “Return to hell, Pink Hair!” as I suspected) and repeat it back to the non-dog officer in Spanish.

The Beards, Brandon and Adam, get it first and are immediately hassled by Pink Hair: “TELL ME WHERE IT IS I HAVE AN EXPRESS PASS.” Sorry, robot! “You need to talk to a person,” say the Beards, who have wisely transcended humanness now that they’re in first place. Meanwhile, Ashley’s nasally laugh sounds like Janice from Friends.