Becoming a mom; 10 things I learned

Posted on 15 June 2016

Becoming a mom

As many of you know, we have had a daughter in august 2014. It’s almost 2 years ago. Our daughter Féline lived for 4 months only. Still I carried her for 6 months, she was early born, and I held her in my arms for 4 months. So I grew into becoming a mom and being a mom. This was the best experience in my life. I will never forget this and Féline made me a mom for life. I am grateful for this experience, although it was way too short and she should’ve stayed with us. I know she’s living in our hearts and when we talk about her, she is in our memories.

10 things I learned

There are 10 things I learned by becoming a mom. Of course, this is just my personal experience. Every one experience this in their own way and I think my way isn’t better than others, but I just want to share it with you.

Looking forward to have your baby.
The moment you become a mom or a parent, is scary but beautiful. To dream and to look forward to have your baby is giving so much hope and future dreams. At the same time, it’s a new experience you have to adapt to.

Dealing with pregnancy struggles.
Pregnancy struggles are normal, but they are not always pleasant. Being morning sick is one of the most normal things during pregnancy but still not easy to start your day like that. Usually it was better with me when it was after 10 a.m. But before that, I must say that I hated every morning.

Dealing with pain.
I have had some pain in my back and belly, some strange cramps and I don’t know what more. Normally you know why you’re in pain and you can recognize the pain, but when you’re pregnant you don’t know whether it’s normal or not. That was very strange to me.

Dealing with HELLP-Syndrome and Pre-eclampsia
Some of the worst pregnancy sicknesses that there is, is the HELLP syndrome (read more here). It’s a variety of Pre-eclampsia. I’ve had both sicknesses and that’s why the doctors saved my life with a emergency C-section when I was 26.6 weeks pregnant (Féline was exactly 3 months early born). The HELLP Syndrome and Pre-eclampsia are very scary, life threatening and very painful as well.

My first surgery.
By having an emergency C-section, I experienced my first surgery. When they opened the belly, they cut 7 layers of tissue in the bump. It was very stressful, in the middle of the night, I smelled a lot of blood (my own) and it was very scary because it was dangerous too. I had no time to prepare myself to the C-section and when they took Féline out, I was not even allowed to hold her, she was put away in an incubator because she was only 740 grams. This is very upsetting after ‘giving birth’.

Being patient.Since I had to wait three days after my C-section before the nurses allowed me to hold our own daughter, I’ve learned to become more patient. The circumstances made us wait, because she was a bit too weak and they wanted to observe her first.

Becoming a mom.The moment I held Féline for the first time, I will never forget. Her legs had the same ‘rhythm’ when she kicked as in the bump. I remembered her like that from being in my belly and recognized it was her. This was the moment I felt that I became a mom. That she was born kind of. Even though it was 3 days after her birth date.

Trusting my instincts.Sometimes I had some ideas about her treatment on the Intensive Care, she was on the IC for 4 months. In an incubator for the first weeks, and later in a small bed. Sometimes I had ideas about her treatment or questions that I couldn’t know, but the doctors still listened and checked the questions I had. There were many moments when I was right, when I just had a feeling it must have been that way. Unfortunately I had a feeling when I was pregnant, that there was something wrong with my pregnancy or baby. But I thought it was normal ‘scariness’ of becoming a mom. I even dreamed about it. I’ve been checked often in Sweden in the hospital because I had strange pains and things during the pregnancy. I felt like something was wrong, but I never trusted my instinct enough. After becoming a mom, I trust my instincts much more.

Being a lion.
To go through such a hard time with being sick, learning how to walk again, an emergency C-section and 4 months on the IC being scared about the life of our baby, is something that brought out the lion in me. I was much stronger than I ever knew. My will was so strong and I didn’t know I had this in me. I was called the lion mom of the department, because I was fighting so hard for Féline. She was a little lion too, she was suffering every day but always smiling, happy, satisfied when she saw us and she was very pretty too. She was amazing. To get to know her, was so beautiful and I am honored that she came into our lives.

Live is not always about me.
People ask themselves sometimes… “Why does this happen to me?”. Sometimes people think that it’s a punishment from God even. Or bad Karma. I think Féline was a blessing, I could never see this hard experience as something bad. However, this was maybe not about me, or my fiancé. I started to ask myself, “Why did Féline had us?”. Why did she had us in her life? We were one of the most dedicated parents in the whole hospital, we would have done anything for her and we did. Day and night we were available. Going to her, holding her hand with everything she went through. I even went with her in to the surgery room until it was no longer allowed. Which is really scary. I am glad that we could give this to her. I am glad that she maybe chose to be born with us. She needed to experience unconditional love maybe. We gave that to her. Maybe she needed to experience to have a mom and dad that would do anything for her. So I am not feeling sad for myself, I don’t ask myself why I had to go through this. No, I am happy that she was with us. I am happy that I am her mother and Mache her father. I am happy that she changed the both of us. The situation showed us who our true supporters and friends are in life. The situation opened a lot of eyes and I am grateful for that. Even though, I think no mother (or father) should ever loose a baby, because it’s so hard, but we are trying to make the best of the situation now. I am super grateful for having her for four months, rather than losing her right away. Even though I loved her more every day. She will always be my first baby girl and I will always be her proud mommy! <3

sofarsosabine

I think this article shows so much about your personality, the amazing mom you are, the loving friend and wonderful fiancé. I am so proud of the both of you, how youve been fighting and dealing with everything which has come along the way.

sofarsosabine

Such wise words. You’re a very strong and inspiring woman.
I’m really happy to see that you see the good in what happened and you see God’s blessing through it. Sometimes it may be difficult to look at things that way, but you’re very brave and inspiring to do so. You had a little angel with you!

sofarsosabine

This is so moving. It’s amazing how you recognised the same rhytm… I hope I can feel the same one day, but I’m very sorry because of what you needed to go through during your pregnancy, and very happy you had so much support. You’re the hero-mommy. And a wonderful person.

sofarsosabine

zaalberg

15 June 2016 at 14:40

I am proud at my daughter and son in law. I wished they share more things in their life with us. A new born child is such a precious thing. You can say the things very good in this blog. Every day I think of her, my daughter en my son. I look forward and I hope some day it will become better. Love you my dear Sabine. I know from the past that docter Hemelaar said: when the mother something wants for the child (she thinks the child is sick), you have to listen to the mother because she feels and knows best.

sofarsosabine

Beautifully written!
Very proud of the both of you… It’s an incredible hard experience but you’ve been fighting and dealing with everything! Such a courage… sharing your story with us!
Sending a lot of love and only good vibes! <3

sofarsosabine

Wifey had undergone C section twice- both for my son and daughter. Being a parent is a “continuous” life changing experience because you have to grow as your kids grow. Which for me is a little difficult, because as far as I’m concern, they are still my little boy and baby girl. (my kids are 19 and 17 years old now).

I can’t help but think what would’ve happened to me if I was put in your shoes re: having your angel taken from you four months after fighting so hard, and I realized that I’m not sure if I could still be the same nicole that I am today. Great thing that you came out of said experience stronger than ever, as for me I think I would’ve been way too broken and I’m not sure if I would’ve survived said sadness…

Hi Sabine, this post is so touching. I’m not a parent yet and as of the moment I haven’t decided yet if I want to be one. I love kids though, I took care of nieces and nephews when they were still young. It’s truly heartbreaking that you’ve lost your daughter, at a very short time at that. I admire you for your courage to move on and still remember her with so much love. I know her soul will remember you both as loving and dedicated parents.

Hugs to you. Your little angel is just up there looking out for you. As a first time mom I agree with you when you mentioned a thing about instincts. I would always feel or know when something is up with Bunny and I always trust my instincts more than before.

Super blessed, you showed unconditional love, I can really feel everything you’ve written in this blog, I have gone through 3 operations as well, indeed being a mom is such a blessing, Me and my husband really asking for a baby and we we’re blessed to have one, trials along the way will be forgotten after seeing our first born.

Rowena Conde

24 June 2016 at 04:11

You are so brave dear! I agree with you when you said that things happen not because of karma. I firmly believe that we meet people because you will learn something from them, God gave them as an instrument of learning, and in this instance he gave your daughter for you to learn not just to become a mom but also to find out how strong you are, that you are a lion you never knew you are.

sofarsosabine

This touched my heart, and made it ache. My eyes couldn’t help but water a little bit knowing that you’ve had to go through such a tremendous pain yet you have such a positive outlook on life, and are still hopeful. The world needs to be filled with more people like you! Sending you countless of hugs!