This crazy Japanese Wii safety manual is pretty much indicative of Japanese people's general insanity. Our theory: a secret battle between Godzilla and several Gundams in the early 1980s bombarded the whole of Japan with cosmic G-rays, which allowed then-youths to grow up and draw these weird-ass manuals.

First, hitting your husband in the face with a Wiimote is not acceptable even if you're pregnant. Do not blame it on your hormones.

Lots more after the jump.

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Do not pour half a bottle of orange-flavored tea onto your Wii. Anything less than half is fine.

The Wii is not a tie. (I actually did this when I was playing Zelda.)

Do not attempt to control your heart with the Wiimote.

Do not imitate that clip of the "smoking woman" with your Wii.

When the Wii catches a cold, use a hypo-allergenic blanket.

Do not remove the four leaf clover from your Wii. It is Nintendo's secret to motion sensing.

Do not unwrap the Wii over your head.

Do not attempt to produce your own twist-ties for the sensor bar. One is provided for you.

Test have shown limited success with playing the Wii with your feet. However, you will produce lightning.

Blu-ray discs will not work in the Wii.

Do not lay out a Wii for homeless Japanese citizens. They should clean themselves up and get a job like an honorable salaryman.

Do not forcibly remove Wii discs. There is an ejection mechanism. Jerk.

Do not attempt to wake up the Wii when it is napping.

Do not attempt to plug the nunchuk attachment into your foot. Again, lightning.