Scapegoat

Chapter 30

It had been two and a half weeks since his imprisonment. He
knew everyone was busy setting up a trial. These things took time. He had been
through it once before. He waited patiently now. It was like time had ceased to
mean anything to him. It was all the same anyway. There was no way out. There
had never been a way out. One wrong choice made at the end of his youth had
forever ruined his future. This was not how it was supposed to be. There was no
justice in it. But no one had said life was fair. So much for the American
Dream.

No one
offered him a plea bargain. He would not have taken it if they had. He still
had enough pride and resistance left to refuse to lie. He was innocent. If they
did not believe him, that was their problem. He would go down with a harsher
punishment because of it. The irony.

He had not
accepted bail. Cynnie had offered the money, but what was the point? He could
not face the town. He could not have them hate him again. Perhaps naively, he
wanted to preserve his last image of Green Bay. He wanted to think back fondly.
He needed something to hold onto. This would be enough.

At times he
wondered if he should have run off to Minnesota. Perhaps he still could if he
won the trial. He could start life over. No one would have to know about his
past unless he wanted them to know. Or perhaps he could go back to Montgomery
where he knew he would not be welcomed. But he knew neither of those were
really an option. Not after what he had experienced in Green Bay. He knew where
his heart lay. Somehow, he had come to love this crazy, football-obsessed town.
He could not leave. Green Bay was the only place he ever wanted to belong.

Cynnie tried
to talk to him again. He made her leave. But not before getting her to ask one
of the policemen if she could take custody of Elva. He wanted his cat in the
hands of someone he knew would take care of her. He felt an aching for her now.
And for Cynnie. He was not sure which was worse. To lose both of them… He could
not let himself think about it. It hurt too much.

Cynnie had
said she had been accepted for a job in Pittsburg. He told her to take it. That
was what she wanted, wasn’t it? An exciting life in a strange, new city. She
could have it. It would be better for her if she was far away from him. He had
to let her go.

Darko slowly
sat up in his cell. His body was stiff and ached from lying on the cold, hard
floor. He had never felt more miserable. He had never felt more alone. He had
tried his hardest, but it had all amounted to nothing. He had failed.

He thought
of God, and a flash of anger hit him. He suddenly found the strength to stand
up. “I thought You were supposed to be here for me,” he said in a hard,
challenging voice. “Why haven’t You helped me? What have I done wrong?” There
had to be something. Something he was not getting. A reason he had been let
down. A reason he had been left alone.

His anger
slowly disappeared as he stood there alone. He began to feel something worse.
He felt despair. He closed his eyes tightly, trying hard not to weep. He could
not take this anymore. “I’ll do anything You want,” he said softly. “Just tell
me what to do. I trust You.”

He heard a
clear voice in his head that said: “My grace is sufficient for
you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

It
was the beginning of a Bible verse. He knew how the rest went. He spoke the
words quietly, “Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my
weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well
content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with
difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Understanding
struck him like lightning hitting a tree. His eyes widened. He had always
understood the holiness of suffering. That was how he was able to endure so
much. In the past, he would read scripture daily to convince himself that all
the torment he received would be worth it in the end. But he had been missing
something. In the emptiness of the jail cell, he finally realized what he had
gotten wrong.

Weakness… Darko had always despised
weakness. It was something that needed to be overcome. He could certainly never
let anyone else see his weaknesses. He did not need to give them any other
reason to condemn him. He had spent much of his life trying to be perfect, for
if he let anything slip, his torture would increase greatly. He could make no
mistakes. Have no run-ins with a law. He had never even had a simple speeding
or parking ticket.

He thought it was weakness that had
caused him to fall. He previously thought he was strong enough to endure
everything that came his way. But he was not. He was weak. He had fallen into
despair because of that realization. But… He had missed the most obvious point
of his faith in God.

Light tears streamed down his face.
“Have I really been listening to You?” he whispered. “I thought I had it
right…”

He had been wrong, though. It was
obvious to him now. He knew the truth. He could not do this alone. He could not
rely on his own strength any longer.

Darko closed his eyes and took a deep
breath, letting it out slowly. He felt the tension in his muscles ease and his
body relax. When he opened his eyes, his face showed determination. “Ok,” he
said softly. It was time to let go of his pride. “I don’t know what’s going to
happen, but I trust You, Lord. I will give You control over my life. Do with it
what You will. Just give me a reason to hope…” His voice trailed off.

He turned in surprise when he heard
the whistling of a bird. A robin was sitting on the window of the jail, looking
at him curiously. It was the first bird he had see in months. It stood there
for a minute before flying away.

Darko felt a tremendous peace wash
over him. He felt serenity. Everything was going to be fine. He did not have to
rely on his own strength anymore. He had not succeeded because he was too weak.
He was human. But God could do anything.

He was suddenly filled with hope. He knew what
he had to do. He had to fight. Fight for himself, for all of the sex offenders
who had been mistreated, and for the sake of justice. He did not worry. God
would give him the strength and courage to complete the job.

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