working with dominance

In the decades that I have worked with the DISC Framework and provided coaching and solutions to individuals and organizations, problems relating to DOMINANCE is one constant among the issues to be resolved.

I have shared frequently on how to deal with dominant individuals. We have gone as far as developing a Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM)-accredited certification program specifically to address this recurring challenge – “3-D Leader Certification: How to lead Difficult, Dominant and Diverse Individuals.”

Today, I want to place the focus on what dominant individuals can do to get better results. What adjustments can a dominant leader, manager, wife, husband, professional make to enhance relationships and improve performance?

Place greater value on teamwork

This is loaded because it touches many of the issues that others have in dealing with you. These three bullet points help:

You may have the vision and clarity re the destination. However, some people need to know where they are going and the route to be taken before signing up and becoming fully engaged. Make the time to sell the vision and strategy on an ongoing basis.

Resist the temptation to go-it-alone when others are not responding at the pace and in the manner that you want. A one-man-band is great but a group brings added benefits. Place value on this added dimension and work to preserve it…despite frustrations and lost time.

Time invested in empowering your support crew can have extraordinary returns on investment.

2. Be more sensitive

It is not immediately clear why some people are so thin-skinned. And some do need to grow up. However, until that changes, fix what you have under your control – YOU. One of your redeeming features is that you are frank and willing to let others know where you stand.

That said, you get better results if you pause to state your views more diplomatically – being conscious that your audience might be sensitive.

Trust me on this: Body language, tone and facial expression are the killers. You are merely emphasizing a point but get the push back that you are shouting. Adopt the S-Style and p-u-n-c-t-u-a-t-e sentences in quieter voice when upset.

Get this also: Not all moments are right for teaching and correcting! Postpone calling out the spade until later. BTW…some people sweat small stuff and get offended if you totally ignore them.

3. Listen even though….

I know. This is the third time that he has said “As I said before…”

I know that you got it the first time and you are ready to move on. Listen to me, if you shut him down he is going to complain that he can’t get a chance to express himself and might clam up going forward. Sink your nails into your palms, maintain eye contact and appear attentive.

Hot tip: Summarize what you have heard to reduce the frequency of the “You’re not listening” feedback.

4. Spend more time in analysis

Your track record justifiably inspires the confidence you exhibit. However, history is replete with cases of failure arising from over-confidence. Stay true to doing the homework (or have it done for you).

While you are at it, ask more – tell less. Developing the capacity and willingness to use Powerful Questioning techniques is transformational.

5. Bypass triggers

Some things annoy you. Work to calmly respond to them. Others may deliberately use them to upset you.

6. Allow more time for recharging

Batteries run down and are dysfunctional in that state. Manage your time so that you can function in peak state most of the time. One solution is to bring laser-focus to how you allocate your time. Make the decision to shed a low priority/low value adding project and channel that time into recharging your battery and upgrading your skills. Spend some time in a useful learning & development program or commit to a coaching intervention.

The Success with People Academy is the home of the revolutionary FinxS Platform from Extended DISC. Hire Smart, Conduct Employee Satisfaction Surveys, 360 Performance Evaluations and Team Reports using logistics-friendly technology.

How to lead dominant team members is mystery for many managers. The situation gets worse when faced with the task of giving negative feedback to what is considered to be “difficult people.”

I share some practical steps with related case study extracts to guide you to effectively give negative feedback to dominant individuals.

Using my DISCerning Communication principles, persons who come across as dominant are placed in the red, Outgoing-Task-oriented quadrant of the DISC Framework. One foundation principle of DISCerning Communication is that we have four tool-kits to navigate through life and cope with its challenges. While we have access to all four tool-kits we tend to have preferences and it takes more energy and focus for us to use some of the tool-kits.

Giving negative feedback to someone who has a preference for using the D-style is NOT as risky as you may think. One key is to be reflect on the context in which the feedback is framed.

Context

I suggest that you use the competitiveness of the D-Style user as the starting point and position the feedback in the context of winning.

Re-state agreed objectives and related rewards and reinforce why keeping the feedback loop open facilitates winning. Achieving the objectives takes preeminence and all of us need to look beyond personal issues in our quest for success.

NOTE: It is important to ensure that the D-Style user has bought in to your objectives and is committed to its achievement.

Securing buy-in and vision alignment is the single most important key to effectively leading individuals who have a preference for the D-Style.

Case study

D operated a small family business. He had a major challenge in getting negative feedback from his employees. They interpreted his take charge approach as an indication that he did not want any interference. Some feared they would lose their jobs if they appeared to be criticizing D. Meanwhile, D lamented that he only had yes men in his employ. D knew that honest feedback was essential to getting a competitive edge.

2. Privacy

Take care to present negative feedback in private. This should apply to all styles but is especially important for D-Style users. Think back from your time in school about the student that would endure punishment rather than back down in order to save face. I suggest that you avoid the issue of saving face by making sure that there is no audience.

Case Study

D gets a visit from her boss. On leaving he stands at the open door and makes a comment in the hearing of D’s staff that she believes undermines her authority. D makes a decision right then to quit the job. She points out to the boss in the exit interview that his lack of respect for her was the primary cause of her leaving.

3. Pulling rank

Do not make the error of confusing a passionate attempt to challenge your conclusions and to justify their personal actions as a lack of respect or insubordination.

D-Style users will tend to put up a strong defense of their actions. They will tend to be animated in the discourse and this is often seen as dominating the conversation. Too many managers feel insecure at those times and seek the security of their positions to control the dialogue.

The interesting consideration is that more animated defenses are really a show of respect. The D-style recipient respects the person giving the feedback and desperately wants to correct the negative impression that they seem to have! Be more concerned if your negative feedback is accepted without any pushback. You probably have lost that D-Style team member.

Case Study

The CEO decided to intervene directly after yet another employee was about to be sacked for insubordination by the same line manager. The manager had an old school approach that forbade “talking back”. The CEO figured that it would not be long before they would lose all their D-style employees.

4. Cause

Establish the underlying reason why negative feedback is necessary.

If the D-style user is keen to win and is driven by achieving objectives, then why is there a deviation from that path?

Are the instructions clear?

Are the necessary resources in place?

Is there an element of resistance and if so, what is the cause?

Case Study

The D-style Plant Manager had developed an unorthodox but seemingly successful strategy for giving feedback to his under performing D-style staff. He would pull out a copy of the Organizational Chart and mark an X on it. He would write You are here beside the X. He then proceeded to explain what being here meant in terms of the performance requirements. He would close the interview by pointing out that the X would be erased if their performance did not meet the requirements. Most of the D-Style employees took a “Don’t test me” approach, comfortably exceeded the requirements and walked with a swag in the presence of the Plant Manager.

Application

Take time to consider strategies for effectively giving negative feedback to D-style colleagues in situations that are directly related to your normal activities.

Trevor E S Smith develops high performing teams and certifies leader-coaches using DISCerning Communication techniques. The Success with People Academy is the home of the revolutionary FinxS Platform from Extended DISC. Hire Smart, Conduct Employee Satisfaction Surveys, 360 Performance Evaluations and Team Reports using logistics-friendly technology.