Tag Archives: bailout

A very interesting website with an even more intriguing solution to the country’s financial crisis has appeared on the Internet. My deepest, most insincere, apologies for the four-letter word: Buy My Shitpile, Henry!

This group proposes that struggling Americans ought not miss out on the fun. They charge that what happens on Main Street affects Wall Street. The site includes a form that allows individuals an opportunity to gather their bad assets and let the government take it off their hands.

With our economy in crisis, the US Government is scrambling to rescue our banks by purchasing their “distressed assets”, i.e., assets that no one else wants to buy from them. We figured that instead of protesting this plan, we’d give regular Americans the same opportunity to sell their bad assets to the government. We need your help and you need the Government’s help!

Included is a form where people can name and describe their “shitpile,” upload an image, and assess a value – with an “I swear on my mother’s pinky that this shitpile is really worth that much” disclaimer.

As of 11:42 A.M. Thursday, the current value of shit listed is $547,069,075,593.27. Below is an example of a recent submission:

Our Fearless Leader $700

Better yet, the site encourages people to gather at Wall Street at 4:00 P.M. today for an opportunity to get in on the bailout.

Some shitty friends of ours are planning to bring their OWN junk to Wall Street (at the south side of the bull at Broadway and Morris Street) today at 4pmto see if they can get a bailout, too.

Bring your 8-track tape collection, high-school yearbook, Grampa’s old recliner, and that snow globe from Great Adventure – not to mention your mortgage statements and student loan invoices — and add ’em to the pile! And tell Secretary Paulson why you deserve a bailout, too! Bring your most audacious junk, junk that has a story, and make your case. (Ordinary garbage discouraged.)