"Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where our secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is of all our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell." Frederick Buechner

Come in! Come in!

"If you are a dreamer, come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a Hope-er, a Pray-er, a Magic Bean buyer; if you're a pretender, come sit by my fire. For we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!" -- Shel Silverstein

Thursday, August 02, 2012

Snark

I suppose, what with texting and FaceBooking and Tweeting, I should have expected it.

I don't know if you've noticed, but I find that there has been a sudden, alarming increase in "snark".

Snark is a combination of sarcasm and snide remark, usually very brief, very pointed and sometimes - but not always - clever and funny.

Well, it's clever funny in the way that snide remarks and sarcasm sometimes are.

But, not always. Sometimes, snark hurts. Because - intentional or not - that's part of what snark does.

Snark should never be confused with wit, which is a form of intellectual humor. "Brevity is the soul of wit," said Shakespeare, which, I think, snark aims for but misses the mark in its banality. "Blunt language cannot hide a banal conception," wrote New Yorker editor, James Wolcott.

To be sure, wit can descend to the depths of sarcasm, which is then known as a "quip" or a "wise crack". Dorothy Parker was the acid-tongue Queen of Quip, famous for her remark to her Upper East Side apartment doorman who once greeted her with, "Age before beauty", to which she responded, "And pearls before swine."

She also suggested for her epitaph, "Excuse my dust," which I think is pretty witty.

Episcopalian Tallulah Bankhead could also throw around a clever remark or two in her time.

I love the story - which has been passed down from generation to generation of gay men (in fact, I don't think you can get your certificate from Gay Central without telling this story at least once) - wherein Ms. Bankhead rushes in late for midnight mass at the Cathedral of John the Divine one Christmas Eve.

As she wrapped herself up in her mink stole and tended to her hair, she glanced at the thurifer and called to him over her shoulder, "Lovely dress, dahling, but your purse is on fire."

Clever. Funny. But, neither snark nor wit. Most likely sarcasm trying to disguise inebriation. However, she also said, "I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right", which I think is quite witty.

Winston Churchill was known for his biting sarcasm, like the remark he reportedly made to Lady Astor:

Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”
Churchill: “Madam, if I were your husband I would take it.”

However, he also said, "An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile—hoping it will eat him last.". Clever. Intelligent. Just enough ironic humor to induce a guffaw but not exactly a laugh, and slicing closely to the marrow of truth.

He was, no doubt, speaking of Neville Chamberlain, which brings the remark terribly close to sarcasm. However, he was probably speaking of Hitler when he said, "A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject," which, my mind, is a fine example of wit.

Cyberspace is filled with snark. Which is fine, except those who snark often think they are being clever and witty. Some of it is clever but it is not wit. And, quite frankly, I'm weary of it.

Maybe it's a generational thing. Maybe it's just me.

I joined the Twitterverse in May so I could keep up with General Convention. It wasn't long after I was in Indy that there was a buzz about the tweets of one, "MyselfTheBishop" AKA "++++KJS".

Some of the initial "tweets" were quite clever if not a harsh mirror to the language favored by liberals in The Episcopal church. I never met an Episcopal priest (myself included) or bishop who couldn't take a twenty-five cent metaphor and wring out an extra nickle. Like, this one:

Jesus wants to pull us to his chest and nurse us on the
sweet milk of tolerance, vulnerability, risk taking, and inclusion.

There was one earlier one about how we all needed to take time to "mend the sacred hoop" that drove many of us into paroxysms of laughter and became the answer to the question, "Where are you headed?" "Oh, out to mend my sacred hoop."

I don't know the identity of "MyselfTheBishop" but I'd lay solid money on the fact that it's one of the uber-Calvinist "orthodox", either former or staying-but-mad-as-hell Episcopal bloggers on the far right.

Eating at Chic-Fil-A is grounds for exclusion from the
discernment process. Meat-eaters... Homophobes... How much worse can it
get?

We are not amused.

Here's the thing about sarcasm: It is always anger disguised as humor.

Take a moment to let that sink in - especially the next time you catch yourself ready to snark.

Sarcasm can be a healthy way of expressing anger - better than fisticuffs any day - but it always serves to make me angry whenever it believes itself to be clever and/or intelligent humor. It is not. Sometimes, it's funny but not when the snarker thinks him/herself clever or in the possession of wit.

Then, it's more about the snarker than the snark. It's like watching that pathetic kid we all knew in the 6th grade who thought he was being funny but mostly was a real jerk. When his jokes didn't work, he usually pulled your pony tail or stuck a "Kick Me" note on your back when you weren't looking.

I do not have the intellectual capacity to be witty but I have enough intelligence to know the difference between 'wit' and 'snark'. I can even tell the difference between 'clever' and 'sarcasm'.

Shakespeare was a wit. John Donne was a wit. Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker, and Winston Churchill were intelligent people who could be quite witty but more often than not sojourned into sarcasm and were, perhaps, more ingenious than funny.

Whoever is the author of "MyselfTheBishop" is a nitwit.

These days, a sojourn into cyberspace can feel a bit like being locked in a room with Don Rickles.

So, I'm asking - as nicely as I know how - that the next time you're in cyberspace, please consider lowering the decibel level on your snark-o-meter.

My sacred hoop has lots of tears and needs more mending than I have time for repair.

Or, to paraphrase the words of the immortal Ms. Tallulah Bankhead, "I love your FaceBook and Twitter posts, dahling, but your brain is on fire."

See? I told you I wasn't witty. But, I am annoyed, so please knock it off because, as one snark on FaceBook recently posted, beating the crap out of someone is illegal.

Moving the subject just a little - one of things I rail against is sarcasm & wit without belief without foundation.

My favorite example is Seinfeld - a program about nothing that believed in nothing - it had no core value. Family Guy and much of Seth McFarlane work is in the same vain. 2 & 1/2 men often follows the same pattern. These shows are often just mean.

On the other side: the wit and sarcasm of the Simpsons is tempered by the knowledge that Homer loves Marge, Bart loves his parents & even Lisa. Plus, they are the most church going family on TV!.

We've come to embrace this entertainment and it has sharpened our tongues and keyboards. When we use wit to dismiss and diminish others - it becomes snark and nothing to be admired.

The problem with snark as well as wit is it is so much dependent on the eyes, nose, lips/mouth and that does not come across the digital divide. Niether works very well without the facial expression and the body language. The result is hurtful and mean-spirited. I see this all the time and sometimes am guilty myself. I have come to realize unless I want to "put a shot across someone'[s bow" the snarky or witty comment is better left unsaid. Such is the computer.

Probably one of the best articles I saw on the evolution of humor was years ago in Smithsonian magazine. It was actually an article about the Marx Brothers, I think, but it's been so long the details are a little fuzzy.

What it talked about was the difference between "outsider humor" vs. "insider humor." In the context of the Marx Brothers, they were very obviously "outsiders" just as in real life, they were offspring of the great American immigration of the late 1800's. The reason they were funny was their obvious "outside-ness" as the poked fun at the insiders. The status quo changes when the insiders are exposed.

It then compared that to the humor of Seinfeld and the Letterman Show--examples of "insider humor." The "we're so cool and they're so not" kind. The kind that hurts people. The kind that only drives the outsiders further outside and into the shadows.

That article changed my life by making aware of something in myself. People who know me know I can be incredibly funny. But I always have to be careful I don't go too far. That article taught me to ask myself, "Am I engaging in outsider or insider humor? If it's the latter, am I building up or tearing down the Body of Christ with it?" I still don't do it right all the time, but I have a better awareness.

For me, when I feel a snark coming on, I ask myself what I'm really angry about and what better way might there be to channel that energy. The association with anger has really helped. I think that might be part of the insider-outsider stuff.

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About Me

I am a joyful Christian who claims the fullness of the Anglican tradition of being evangelical, Anglo-Catholic, charismatic, orthodox and radical. Since 1991, my canonical residence has been the Diocese of Newark, where I was a member of the Women's Commission (since 1993), the Department of Missions (2 terms), The Commission on Ministry (1 term), The Standing Committee (4 years, one as President). I served as an elected Deputy to General Convention in 2000, 2003, and 2006. I have served as a board member of Integrity, USA, and as a founding member of Claiming The Blessing. I am national Convener of The Episcopal Women's Caucus, and am now member of the national board of RCRC. I attended the Lambeth Conference in 1998 and 2008 representing EWC. I graduated in May 2008 from Drew with my doctorate in Pastoral Care and Counseling and was Proctor Fellow at EDS, Spring Semester 2011. I am a GOE reader. I consult and counsel at Canterbury Pastoral Care Center in Harbeson, DE.

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Quotes from some of my favorite Bloggers and Friends

"How can you initiate someone and then treat them like a half-assed baptized?" - The Rt Rev Barbara Harris

Those who know the deep acceptance and love that come with healing and forgiveness can lose the defensive veneer that wants to shut out other sinners. They discover that covering their hair or hiding their tears or hoarding their rich perfume isn't the way that the beloved act, even if it makes others nervous. Katharine Jefferts Schori at Southwarck Cathedral, UK June 13, 2010

"If you have never been called a defiant, incorrigible, impossible woman … have faith … there is yet time." ~ From Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

If you want to protect Holy Wedlock, by all means padlock the church door whenever guys who love Judy Garland come-a-knocking. But if you want to protect marriage push for a constitutional amendment to ban divorce.

And . . . If that wasn't outrageous enough for you, there's this:

From where I sit, the entire Republican Party should head to OZ – looking for a brain, a heart and a pair of testicles.Helen Philipot

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. Thomas MertonEileen the Episcopalifem

"I can only conclude that the social contract that binds us all together in such a single unlikely country is greater than each of us who make it up." Counterlight.

"There ain't nothin' more powerful than the odor of mendacity . . .You can smell it. It smells like death."Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

Lord, take me where You want me to go, let me meet who You want me to meet, tell me what You want me to say, and keep me out of Your way. Amen.Fr. Mychal Judge, OFM, Chaplain, NYFD, First official recorded victim 9/11 attack

"You can call the dogs in, wet the fire, and leave the house. The hunt's over." James Carville after the 2nd Presidential Debate

"Literalism in any form is little more than pious hysteria."John Shelby Spong, Bishop of Newark, retired

"Start where you are.Use what you have.Do what you can."Arthur Ashe.

"Ask for help when you need it. Take it graciously when it comes. Try not to be disappointed when it doesn't. Be thankful for something every day. Do something for someone else as a way of saying thank you for your life."John R. Souza