Review: Sherlock Holmes

SHERLOCK HOLMES by Greg Kramer, based on the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Starvox Entertainment in association with June Entertainment). At the Ed Mirvish Theatre (244 Victoria). Runs to November 8. $40-$120. 416-872-1212. See listing. Rating: N

The idea of a farcical, fast-moving Sherlock Holmes for the millennial set isn’t a bad one. And certainly the part of the savvy sleuth of Baker St. stands up to actorly reinterpretation – as witnessed by recent big- and small-screen versions starring Robert Downey Jr. and Benedict Cumberbatch.

But casting C-list actor David Arquette in the role is pure idiocy. His frequent persona is that of the bumbling, slow-talking slacker. Onstage he looks like he’d have difficulty solving a Word Search puzzle, let alone several elaborate mysteries concocted by Arthur Conan Doyle and adapted into this clumsy script by the late Greg Kramer.

Arquette’s acting resembles a hyperactive kid dressing up in a basement and playing cops and robbers. Oh, and His British accent merely sounds like he has a cold.

But there are more problems to this atrocious production than its miscast leading man.

The two-and-a-half hour mess mashes together several of Doyle’s famous tales, with the titles of them projected onto screens. These include stories about murders, disappearances, empty trunks, opium dens and cavernous mansions.

None of the narratives is carried out with anything resembling logic. Matters aren’t helped by director Andrew Shaver’s attempt to distract us with various styles. One minute he’s recreating a shaky black and white film, the next he’s riffing on a Bugs Bunny cartoon, and the next he’s letting two actors channel their inner Tweedledee and Tweedledums as Victorian era clerks.

For this kind of show to work, the timing has to be impeccable, and the jokes solid. Few people laughed at the performance I attended.

George Allister and Patrick Andrew Boivin’s video projections are a poor substitute for a set. And Annie St. Pierre’s movement work – especially in the fight sequences – is clumsy and unconvincing.

Perhaps things might have been improved had the video projections included words like “BAM!” and “POW!” as in an old Batman episode. That way the play’s villain, Professor James Moriarty (Kyle Gatehouse), would fit in; he’s dressed as if he’s the Joker.

None of the actors gets much to do, even Holmes’s right hand man, Dr. Watson (James Maslow), who’s merely along for the ride.

The best performance is a small one by an actor known to Toronto audiences: Barbara Gordon plays Holmes and Watson’s landlady with charm, an impeccable accent and the kind of focus and comic timing that the entire production desperately needs.