Post Birth Realities

Posted on March 3, 2017

You & Your Partner Become REALLY Comfortable
If you are like me, you will plan on being covered up downstairs for most of your labour and potentially sitting up or on a swiss ball for majority of the contractions. WRONG In that time you will do whatever you god damn need to, to get through the pain ,if that means bending over on all fours with your butt all up in your man’s face then that’s what you will do!

Poop All Day Errdayyy
I’ve never discussed business more than i do now. Not because i have a newborn baby and every time he poo’s i want everyone in the world to know how proud of him i am, but after you give birth the nurses, midwives and doctors will all ask the question “have you done a number 2?” It’s like they are waiting for you to scream it from the rooftop and if you have, you pass the “leaving hospital test.”I did a poo can i please go home now?

The Stomach Deflation
One of the most bizarre moments of giving birth was only 10 minutes after Mason was born i looked down at my stomach and it was gone…. my bump was gone. Obviously this seems like a no brainer but when you are so used to seeing your bump for at least 9 months, when you see it deflated it is quite the shock. Not only that, but it will be flubber. You may be a goddess but i’m pretty sure 20 mins post birth, everyone will have the flab! It’s quite the sight, looks and feels like a plate of jelly. Don’t worry yourself though this does quickly disappear.

Babies Cast Spells
Scientifically the mother and baby have a hormonal connection thriving off each other to produce oxytocin which helps milk production but after birth i was in baby land. Baby land was the most euphoric feeling i’ve ever had.The best high for at least 10 days straight. I’m sure this is how i survived the initial recovery and the sleep deprivation.

Everyone wants a ticket to baby land. The way people react towards babies is unbelievable and i truly didn’t realise until i had Mason. Grandparents will become literally obsessed with them. When you walk with the baby, strangers will stare at you. It’s quite a surprise to walk down the street and feel eyes on you, woman will be swooning, throwing you huge smiles and making the most love smitten awww noises from across the room in a cafe. Mason’s first outing involved a lady doing hand signals through the glass window at Coffee Culture asking us how old he was.

The Big V
I know every preggo gal reading this wants the big v to be addressed. Let me just say, it’s ok people your vagina will be fine! The first few weeks you will feel like your insides are going to fall out when you laugh and you will walk like a cowboy. DO NOT WORRY it will all be ok in the end. When you recover in the hospital you really only move from the bathroom to the bed. After about a month you will be back to your usual “self” haha. That’s coming from a gal who had an episiotomy too.

Who Invented Clothing?
There is a reason people tell you not to turn up to a new mum’s household uninvited. This is because you will most likely witness a half naked, cowboy walking lady, with a tank of milk on her chest and eye bags about to hit the floor. Sound awful? Don’t kid yourself, she might be insanely exhausted but she will be the happiest lady alive. If she isn’t sitting and staring at her beautiful baby while he sleeps she will be staring at the photos she took two minutes prior, when he was awake.

You Will Be “That Mum”
Did i think i was going to be one of those Mum’s that baby spams everyone on their Facebook with photos that all look very similar – NO! Of course i didn’t. Am I one? YES! absolutely YES! Not only am i one of them, i dedicated a whole platform to him and he is why i’m even writing this right now. Sickening i know.

I can assure you, it will be your turn soon. You will turn to the baby spam as soon as your first baby is born! Even if you do resist the urge to upload, you will want to. Your phone will be inundated with photos of him/her and what the hell else are you going to do with them?

Obviously this time will be filled with new realities and the key is to just enjoy all of them because the time will fly.