Reflections from the Middle-Aged Cheap Seats

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has noted that, on average, my life expectancy is currently about 79 years (Centers for Disease Control). You might be wondering “where you going with this Kimba?” Well, when I read this it got me to thinking – according to the CDC, I hit middle-aged about a decade ago, right? If middle-aged is indeed the chronological mid-point of our lives, then I reached middle-aged status around age 39.

Really?

What does middle-aged mean to most of us, aside from the age countdown? The term can be accompanied with a bit of a drab visual:old; boring; tired; frumpy; maybe even a bit sad. That’s certainly not how I’ve thought of myself during these past ten years. However, as I now approach the mid-century mark, there are a few life moments and realities that I’ve experienced and, I must admit, are beginning to place me firmly in middle-aged territory.

To borrow from the great Jeff Foxworthy and his famous You Might Be a Redneck If… musings, below are my top ten You Might Be Middle-Aged If… observations:

You’ve become genuine friends with your kids and you actually ask them for advice.

Your hair is getting thinner everywhere except on your legs – and where the hell did my eyebrows go?

You’ve ever taken off your bra and it’s like an airbag has deployed.

You’ve ever walked into a room and can’t for the life of you remember why.

You now leave ‘readers’ all over the house because that damn print has suddenly gotten SO tiny.

You’ve ever taken to blaming the little people for stealing all the things you can’t find (I sure wish they would return that Gap gift card).

You’ve ever started a sentence with “Back when I was in school…”

You think Ryan Reynolds is hot and this might make you a cougar and you don’t care.

You’ve ever been called a cougar.

You’ve been best friends with someone for over thirty-five years and she still thinks your jokes are funny – Happy Birthday Dani!

How about you my fellow middle-aged brothers and sisters – how do you feel about this life milestone? I believe I’m starting to embrace the whole “age and experience over youth and exuberance” philosophy. The ‘ol gal staring back at me in the mirror every morning still has a bit of a twinkle in her eye, even if those eyes now have crow’s feet. The view from the middle-aged cheap seats sure is interesting, don’t you think?

Okay…I didn't cry…but I must be REALLY old. Whover invented those terms.."middle age" & "old age" anyway? I found 50 rather fascinating, time to really take charge of your finances & health & plan to enjoy your approaching retirement…get those bucket lists mapped out! You have a year to go…enjoy every minute..I know you will continue to do so! LuvU

Visiting from Writers Digest. Apparently, I'll be living to 126, because I still think of myself as middle-aged. Unless it involved a perk of some sort, then I'm all about being an old fart. I really hit my stride when I turned forty, so when I turned 60 I just declared it the new forty. It's working out pretty well.
Happy to have found you, Kim.

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Beaches, Bathrooms, and Books!

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Kim Dalferes’ Latest Book…

Crazy Southern Irish Gal Two-Book Bundle

Humor writer Kimberly “Kimba” Dalferes dishes on a wide variety of topics–from days of her youth spent blissfully on the shores of Florida’s beaches to menopause and empty nests–in her nonfiction collection Crazy Southern Irish Gal Two-Book Bundle. In both titles: I Was In Love With a Short Man Once and Magic Fishing Panties, Dalferes’ crazy Southern Irish gal perspective inspires her illustrations of life’s quirky twists and turns. Together, these books offer descriptive and colorful essays on subjects such as getting a tattoo in midlife, unique uses for kitty litter, handling a rabid bat, public speaking gone wrong, and naked hot-tubbing in Vegas. Dalferes skillfully weaves what at first glance may appear to be dissimilar themes into a tapestry that invokes her life’s motto: live out loud, laugh often, and ‘occasionally’ drink tequila. Now available through Amazon Kindle.