Life Values

The "New" New Year's Resolution

Here’s what to do:1. Print out the table below (10 times out of 10, I will ignore instructions to print things. But if this is going to work for you, you need to. There is no point in continuing otherwise. Go read our Top 10: Ass Models instead).2. Carefully read down the middle column of the table. Many psychologists and cognitive therapists agree that these eight values are the ones that provide meaning in life. These are, for most men, the important things.3. The left-hand column is the “Importance” column. To the left of each value, write a number between 1 and 10. That number should reflect how important each value is to you, 10 being the most important. You’re not going to share this with anyone else, so be honest. If you truly feel that your work is the most important thing in your life, you should give it a "10."4. The right-hand column is the “Effort” column. To the right of each value, write a number between 1 and 10. That number should reflect how much effort you regularly put toward that value. Be honest. If you put in 100-hour weeks at your office and are thrilled to do so, you should give "Work" a "10." If phoning your mother on her birthday was your 2011 New Year’s resolution and you failed, you should probably give "Family" a "0."5. Take a highlighter and color in the three rows where you see the biggest discrepancies between “Importance” and “Effort.”

By this point in the process, you’ve already done two things. You’ve identified your values, the important things in your life. And you’ve identified how much you live by your values. And if you react to this as I did, you’re probably pretty freaked out by the results. Some of them won’t surprise you. We all put less effort into our health than we ought to (this is part of what makes us men). We all put more effort into our work than we ought to (this is part of what makes us men of our time). But you may be surprised at how important a value like spirituality or community is to you. Or that your friends are still your friends, considering how little effort you put toward maintaining them as such.So, what happens next? How do we translate these latest reflections into action? On to the final steps:6. Circle the highlighted discrepancy that surprised you the most.7. Start living your life in a way that aligns with how important this value is to you.This last step is intentionally vague. The assurance that comes with specific numbers and concrete deadlines ends here. The exercise highlights the discrepancy between this value and the effort you put toward living by it, and the number you put in the “Importance” column highlights the necessity of addressing this discrepancy because that value is important to you. Or at least you say it is. Now it’s time to start acting like it.From all of us at AskMen: Have a happy 2012.