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Texting Etiquette – Should I Text Him First?

The world of dating is one that is full of all kinds of complexities. Everyone wants to find that perfect person, but there are many hurdles to overcome in the process. Every step of moving forward is wrought with anxiety and confusion, should I do this, or should I do that? And technology adds its own share of problems to the dating scene; now you also need to ask yourself:Should I text him or wait?

If you’re wondering Should I text him first?, there’s just one answer: it depends. There are really no hard and fast rules here, and age old rules like waiting for the man to make the first move don’t apply anymore. We’re not living in a Jane Austen novel anymore! Sitting back and smiling coyly, waiting for the gentleman to ask her to the dance; today’s woman would rather go and ask him! These days, women don’t shy away from making the first move. She knows what she wants, and she goes after it if she thinks she’s right.

The fact is that these days, more and more women are delaying commitment till they’re absolutely sure. One could say that this kind of behavior stems from the various failed relationships and disastrous moves that they want to prevent. The hesitation to text first could be a fallback of this worry. But when a woman knows, she knows.

That is not to say that there are exceptions to this rule. Should I wait for him to text me? Well, if you like it that way. Some women just prefer their men to make the first move, and in no way does this mean that they’re not as empowered or confident as the others. It’s just a matter of personal preference and it’s fine either way, with neither one being wrong.

That being said, men do like a bit of a chase, and just deciding to text is not enough. Knowing when and what to text is just as, if not more, important. Some situations warrant immediate texts, while for others it’s better to bide your time. If all this is confusing you even further, don’t worry!! Here are some tips that’ll clear up all those questions that are swimming about in your head.

This is especially important for that very first crucial text. You’ve just met and even though he’s given you his number, it doesn’t mean that he remembers you right off the bat. Yes, no one likes to hear it, but he’s probably given his number to a few other girls in the preceding days, so it could be just about anyone. Just saying you’re ‘Gaby’ doesn’t help either; you have to use a reference point. Mention the place where you met, or that common friend, or any incident that happened, like, ‘That was one impromptu show!’ His synapses will direct him straight to his latest memory of you. Task accomplished.

No, we’re not talking about that mood, we mean that you shouldn’t be sitting in your car, irritated at all that traffic and decide that you might as well use this time to send a text. No matter how much you think you can control it, your annoyance will definitely come through in your text, and that is not what you want happening, do you? Sulking in the office after a bad meeting? Not a good time either. And it goes without saying, but we’ll say it anyway: Do. Not. Text. When. Drunk.

You’ve probably been advised not to use SMS lingo in professional situations, but we personally feel it should be banned from all situations whatsoever. It just gives out a very flimsy, insignificant air to the whole exchange, and is best avoided. Another thing to consider is that you don’t write something that may be construed as sarcasm. No one likes people being sarcastic at their expense; least of all someone they’re just getting to know. So be careful and reread your text again, especially if you’re referring to something they did the last time you met. Be very, very careful with jokes, and if you’re not sure, just avoid them altogether.

The timing of your text is just as important as the mood, probably more. If he’s told you that he’s going to be busy preparing for an important meeting all morning, sending a text right then is not cool. Nor is the middle of the night, unless you know for a fact that he is awake doing something he mentioned when you met. We say this because saying something like, ‘I know you’re watching Jurassic World at that Multiplex. How’s the movie?’ when you’ve gleaned this information from social media, is very stalker-ey, and not a trait someone wants in a girlfriend/boyfriend!

How often should I text him? When we said at the start that there was absolutely nothing wrong with women making the first move and sending that first text, we were talking on singular terms, not plural. Sending multiple texts one after another just reeks of desperation; the kind everyone tries to avoid. Being interested in someone is one thing; clinging on like a leech is something else altogether. And sending repeated texts demanding that he reply is just dating suicide.

Yes, we did say that women didn’t have to be all coy and reserved, but don’t put yourself completely out there just yet. There’s something to be said for mystery, no matter what stage of a relationship you’re in. When texting, be crisp and leave out a few details. By no means should you send out a lengthy text explaining that you’re having lunch now and that you’re having Russian salad and it looks like they used full fat dressing instead of low fat and that you’re never coming here again. See, it can put anyone off!

“Hey, what’s up?” can you count the number of times you’ve sent out this text? Yeah, we thought so too. He’s probably got that text from as many people, so it’s unlikely to stand out or create any kind of impression. Apart from being supremely boring, an open ended question like that is too casual and doesn’t really show any personality. Other boring texts to avoid are: ‘Hey, how are you?’ (Just as bad as ‘what’s up’), ‘It’s been so long. Where are you?’ (A teeny bit possessive), ‘I’ve been waiting for your text :(’ (clingy), ‘Were you at that restaurant by my place last night?’ (Stalker!).

Now, you can follow every rule in every texting bible out there, but at the end of the day, trust your gut (provided your gut is not drunk and is in a position to dispense reliable advice!). Sometimes, a girl just knows. A woman’s instinct isn’t for nothing, and if you think sending out that text is not a good idea now, don’t. Probably, even if he didn’t say anything, you noticed some aspect of his body language that has been bothering you. Also, sending out the first text is actually not a big deal; it’s the follow up text that requires more deliberation and thought. In many cases, it can be a deal breaker.

One thing to do is to not ask each and every one of your friends, ‘what do you think, should I text him or wait?’ Each one of them is likely to have her own opinions based on her own experiences with this sort of thing, and the mixed responses are likely to confuse you (and your gut). The question Should I text him? is actually more of an open-ended one, and every person needs to play it by ear. It depends a lot upon a woman’s preferences as well as her ability to read verbal and non-verbal cues from the guy.

What you need to remember first and foremost is that you don’t need to second guess yourself. You’re smart and guys better get used to it! If you text him first and it puts him off completely, then he just wasn’t the right guy for you; you’re a rockstar and you deserve one too!

One common question women have while dating is, 'Should I text him first?' While there's no easy answer, here are some tips for modern texting etiquette.

Fabida Abdulla

Fabida is an erstwhile Software Engineer and current Freelance Writer cum stay-at-home mom to her boisterous 6-year-old. In between all the writing, baking, nagging, reading, and cuddling, she manages to blog a bit about her crazy life at Shocks and Shoes. [http://www.shocksandshoes.blogspot.in/]