MrsM is sorry to report that she is on the Naughty Step today.She has said terrible things about the Book of the Moment.MrsM is a 'Potato Peel' refusenik.

It did not start well because it is an epistolary novel.MrsM racks her brain to think of similar novelsthat she has actually enjoyed.Her mind goes blank.

Next, the endless list of recommendationson the cover made her cautious.MrsM does not consider the review from Saga'Utterly delightful'as a selling point.

She consults MissM who blushes and says:'It was very relaxing to read.'

She emails literary friends:ReadersGuide'A sweet, cheering book that you can read in an evening.Or, an evening and a morning,providing no one is bothering you.'Suse'I started it last night and it's quite pleasant thus far. 'The Coffee Lady'I'm embarrassed to admit I had never heard of it.'

She reads blog reviews:MrsC'Now I've read it ... I've been kicking myselffor not getting hold of it sooner.'

Eventually, MrsM had to start reading the book.After half a page she asks MissM'If I only read the first and last ten pagesdo I need to read the rest? 'MissM concedes that MrsM would probably not miss muchbut says that she is very disappointed by MrsM's negative attitudeand unnecessarily restrictive reading habits.

MrsM looks again at the pages of glowing reviewsand sees the words from the Times :'Charming...one to lift even the most cynical of spirits'

Which just goes to showyou can't believe everything that you read in the papers.

Monday, 23 February 2009

Saturday, 21 February 2009

MrM is very loyal to his barber.For many years he went to see Francoand Franco ensured that MrM's back and sides were short(usually regrettably short)When MasterM was suitably mature (9 years old)he too went to see Franco.

There were subtle aspects to the whole experiencebecause Franco has an elderly assistant with a shock of white hairknown affectionately as 'Einstein'who quite often gets distracted mid-haircuttalking about Italian footballso that the hair outcome is entirely unpredictable.He also smokes like a trainand standing near him is a respiratory challenge.MrM and MasterM always used to thank Einstein politelyif he offered to cut their hairand tell him that they were waiting for Franco.

There is a third barberwho is occasionally in the shop .He is known as 'The Other Guy'and he is the best barber of the teambut it is tricky to say to Franco'I am waiting for The Other Guy'and so it was entirely luck of the draw.Sometimes, if MrM was feeling very kindhe would let MasterM have his hair done by The Other Guywhile he had second best with Franco.

When MasterM was youngerhe was required to have short hair for schooland so MrsM would take him to see Franco.She always felt uncomfortable sitting in the chairsamong the tabloid papersand the football conversations.She would give MasterM a pound coin before they went inand at the end he would hand it to Franco,still hot from being clutched in his hand,and say, just as his father did,'Thank you very much, Franco. See you again soon.'

Later, MasterM decided to grow his hair.Franco was not happy about this;it was an affront to his professional pride.MasterM was obliged to walk on the other side of the streetto avoid having a discussion with Franco.

Today MrM had to visit the barbers.He has been having his hair cut near his officebut has not been able to make the time to visitthe friendly and talented George the Barber.When he walked into Franco's nothing had changed...Einstein waved him to a chairbut MrM said that he would wait for Franco.Franco was delighted to see MrMand wanted to know everything that he had donesince he was last in the shop.He was shocked to hear that MasterM was now 19and travelling in South America.Who would cut his hair while he was so far away?

MrM tipped Franco generously,said goodbye to Einsteinand wondered what to say to MrsMabout his seriously short haircut.

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Let us imagine, for the sake of argument,that you have crawled out of your warm bedat the ungodly hour of 5.10am.You have driven your sleepy husband to the stationand you are now on the motorway to the airport.What thoughts swirl around in your brain?

1.You think about breakfast.Because you didn't have any.And it is a long way to drive without breakfast.A croissant would be good.Specifically, an almond croissant.

2.You ponder the caraccidents that you have read aboutand are very glad thatyou have just had the brakes replaced on the car.

3.You smile at the thought of MissMstill fast asleep in her cosy room.

4.You think of MasterMon whose behalf you are delivering itemsto be stuffed into a suitcase at the check-in deskand carried to Buenos Aires by his friend B.

5.You think briefly about the meeting at 9.30amwhen you will discuss the travel insurance policythat will keep other people's children safe.

6.You remember the almond croissant that you had in Paris.It was warm and crisp on the outsideand meltingly soft and fragrantwhen you bit into it.

7.You choose a gift for a new baby cousinwhose arrival is much anticipated.This is very pleasant and absorbs many minutes.

8.You consider what is for supperbut this is less pleasantand you mind goes blank.

9.You are relieved that there is no snow on the road.The time before last it was very scary.Very Scary.

10.You remember the telephone conversationwith your mother the previous evening.She tells you that the garden is full of snowdrops.You can imagine it.Each tiny clump nestled among moss and leaf mould.

11.Your mind goes sideways into Bloglandat the thought of snowdropsand you consider if Poshyarnshas written your favourite post this month.

Probably.

Would you prefer a Madeleine?

no...

because....

12.The almond croissant experienceis starting to become an essential part of the day.Never mind the delivery for MasterM...this has become an almond croissant pilgrimage.If there are no almond croissants at the airportthere will be a very unpleasant scene.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

There are times when you yearnfor really salty foodor the mouth-puckering acidity of lemons.The subtle flavours of carefully balanced seasoningseems a little delicate, a touch precious.

So it is with humour.At the moment I have zero toleranceof bland, delicate and precious.

The best prescription for this ennuiis the wicked, perceptive writing of E. F. Bensonwhose biting satire of village life is just the tonic.Like a dark reverse of Miss Marplehis characters are motivated entirely by self interest.It is sheer joy to lose myself in the crueltiesof summer fêtes and musical soirées;to see LuLu and LibLibpitting their wits against each other.I feel that zing on the mental palateas his writing outrageously exploresthe boundaries of social conventions in the Thirtiesand can't stop myself laughing out loud.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

MasterM...[I] was swimming in the river with caimans and piranhas(I am not joking at all!!),there were caiman literally 2 metres away from usand it was fine...until this giant otter came swimming overand our guide who was very relaxedsuddenly wanted us to get out of the waterbecause apparently they DO attack you!

MrsMI checked out pictures of the Giant Otterand it looks pretty scary!Those teeth!!

MasterMYeah it is scaryand also big.(hence the name Giant...)

MrsM remembers that she was worried about bull-running.She hadn't even considered Giant Otters.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

MrM and MrsM are staying in the same hotelas their good friends, The Double Barrelled Couple.

Mr and Mrs DBC leap out of bed early in the morningand leave the hotel before breakfast.There is so much to do.They must climb the Eiffel Tower.They must climb the towers of Notre Dame.They must climb Montmartre.They have no time for slackers!

MrM and MrsM are a shocking contrastto this impressive work ethic.They explore the hidden squares of the Marais