Chief, I just read the entire story, all five paragraphs. It’s so tight, so well crafted - are you sure it’s not
true? I mean, this could win awards.

Wait… that’s a great idea! In your think piece, have @Pigwad winning
a Pulitzer Prize. And while you’re at it, give yourself one.

Wow, thanks. My old journalism professor will be proud. But if @Pigwad wins a Pulitzer, won’t he want
more money?

Nah, he’s 12. He’s working for a PlayStation. All right, folks, rattle those keyboards! I want every falsehood nailed down. This needs to look true. Misspell a name, and they’ll rip us apart in the comments.

You know, kid, every fake journalist dreams of one incredible
hoax – a lie so ridiculous, so stupid, and yet people believe it. Fake news is the cornerstone of a fake democracy. Let’s go, everybody!
Our readers are counting on us. Let’s give them what they want to hear.