Hello,
I'm Bill and this is my wife Rene; when we first met I was living in a disused
swimming pool in Canvey Island. That's not as barmy as it sounds actually
because it was a ready made house without a roof, to my way of thinking. I
covered over the shallow end with corrugated iron and ran a polythene curtain
over the front. I was sheltered from the wind and when it rained all the water
ran down to the deep end and away down the plughole

I
make garden furniture and wrought iron work for a living but sculpt in my
spare time, always have done. i even had some stuff in the Tate thanks to
Jeremy Deller and his Folk Art collection. In the old days I had the other
end of the pool as a workshop, it was fine in the summer but come winter I
would cover it with old carpets on a wooden frame. Bit of an elephant trap
really, being so close to The Jolly Gardeners.A stag-party came through one
night, writhing all over the concrete they were. I'm getting married on Saturday
said the one with his legs pointing the wrong way, you're bloody not now I
told him.

Anyway,
we live in a bungalow these days, still on Canvey. that's how we met Vic.
He came into Rene's bakery on one of his Club outings and sampled our Stretchy
Monkey Cake, we've been in touch ever since and he's finally persuaded us
to introduce ourselves and our famous cake which Rene originally developed
as a modelling medium.

Mac and
Martin marvel at the intricacy of Stretchy Monkey cake

The cake
is stretched before consumption

The 'stretchy'
part of the recipe is a closely guarded secret, but here is a savoury version
of something similar which you may like to try. They should be made in batches
of five to represent the Playboys:

Make scrambled egg sandwiches
, cut them into circles and cover with salad cream which may be tinted with
HP or tabasco for a fleshy hue.