An important question for all of us before all other questions I asked myself is –>

Do I spend enough time with myself, listen to my inner voices and have peace within?

We all need certain levels of assurance and reassurance to ourselves (that we are being oneself, living the life the way we want and we know what we are doing) and security (where not to worry about getting hurt or suffer, be as free and safe within) in our lives, both physically and mentally, especially the later. These two provide a sense of stability and peace anchoring within ourselves, steady the our inner being, even when our outer surrounding is full of chaos.

The level of assurance and security needed may vary accordingly to our backgrounds, past experiences and most present situations. The source of the providers often we think is and count on others and in fact, we ourselves are the ultimate source. It is for our own well-being and benefits to understand self well, take the responsibility and be our own source provider.

The below is a list of questions I am asking myself on regular basis: (Just be very honest with yourself and not to judge yourself; pay attention to the first answer in mind, it is often the most true reflection of your current thoughts. Be gentle and keep in mind this is to spend quality time with self, not to criticize self)

What is(are) my priority(ies) in the coming month?(take 1 month at a time – this helps to regain focus on what is important and close to your heart)

What makes me happy?(and grant yourself to do that 😛 what’s the wait?)

If I win 1 million dollars, what would I do and feel?(this question is to encourage dreaming~ every dream with realizable action plans => goals coming true!!)

The purpose of the above question is to constantly be aware of our own thoughts and feelings. Many people who are stressed often neglect the early warnings that are sent out from their mind and bodies. If we are all aware of early signals and having regular check up or conversations with self, life will be much happier and more relaxed!!

While you taking time surfing on the net and reading nice articles, why not take another 5 minutes to answer the above question for yourselves, having a little intimacy with self!!

I have to admit, I have been complacent with my August Completed – 30 Days on How to love your partner and switching myself completely off from the areas of bucket list challenges writing and self-disciplining to areas of focusing on relaxation and self-indulgence 🙂

With end of September final updates and reading of “Self-improvement 101” by John C Maxwell. I have woken up from my prolonged self-indulgence and procrastination; realizing that I have been spending lots less time on personal growth. I felt like as if I am standing on an escalator going down, but I am trying to go up; and the moment I stop walking up, I am being taken down by the escalator to the bottom. I did enjoy my own satisfaction and relaxation, but at the same time being fooled by it.

Self-development will not happen by itself for us; it requires dedicated intention and efforts. How much we are willing to invest in ourselves is how much at the end of the day, we will harvest from ourselves. If there is an area of life you would like to develop further, let’s work on it for the coming month. Quoted from Earl Nightingale: “If a person will spend one hour a day on the same subject for five years, that person will be an expert on that subject.” Indeed, 1 hour a day for 5 years, that is 1,825 hours in total, roughly equals to 228 working days (assuming 8 hours per day). It’s like a year of short term study (advance enrichment). I am now amazed that 1 hour a day may turned into something sounds grand, even a second career development!

So, if there is something you would like to spend this 1 hour on?

It’s not ‘time’ that we don’t have, it’s self-discipline. Once your goal is set (and it has to be your passion), then put yourself into a non-bargain-able daily hour program (refer below example, skip weekend if you want) and
Example: first select your to be developed area or subject (i.e. want to learn an instrument, want to be a life coach or learn photography…) and ENJOY the learning experience (not to be burden by it).

Day 30 – Today’s home work: Create a self-love plan of 5 action items for the coming 90 days (July, August, September) The below is my 5 self-love actions with final month, end of Sep updates: (my end of August updates and end of July updates)

Sep 2 – There is nothing more important than embracing and standing firmly for certain family values. I am making the changes for a better family life

Sep 3 – The easiest and fastest way to change the world is to change ourselves.

Sep 4 – Do not let others to decide or to disturb on how I will live through my day today.

Sep 5 – Nothing is so urgent in life (don’t have to rush all the time), unless when life itself become urgent (facing life and death situation).

Sep 6 – Helping others is like having pollen and seeds spreading around, we never know what kind of flowers, fruits or outcomes it will bring. It is not so much about expecting any return, but rather not to underestimate the impacts that we bring on others. (I encourage myself keep on spreading the seeds of surprises!)

Sep 7 – When I start to focus on how much others do for me, I start to realize how little I do for others.

Sep 8 – Loving self is an important life long subject; but we often forget to keep it in the daily program.

Sep 9 – Take 2-3 hours to do something I like regularly, i.e. per week, I feel much more with myself and happy with myself.

Sep 10 – Self-improvement is meant for ‘self’, not for others.

Sep 11 – Type of life we are living in is reflected in the types of daily activities we do. (if want to change the type of life, we got to change the activities)

Sep 12 – “if we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living.” by Gail Sheehy

Sep 13 – Growth is certainly a choice; no one says it is easy, but for sure rewarding!

Sep 14 – Focus on self-development, not self-fulfillment. (self-development is a bigger goal than self-fulfillment. Self-fulfillment is the by-product benefit of self-development)

Sep 15 – Anyone appears in our lives for a reason. I may not understand what is the reason right away, but I am willing to explore and learn more from them.

Sep 16 – Resting is preparing for the next heard work!

Sep 17 – Finding life purpose calling is not easy (especially we don’t listen to our hearts), but it will come when we start to pay attention.

Sep 18 – Sometimes what I think it is good for others may not be the case. Always double check with consideration.

Sep 19 – Within an interaction, how I react enrolls how other responses. (meaning if I want my boss to trust me that I am handling everything well, I need to first show my boss I am handling my boss well)

Sep 20 – Where I am being myself and expose myself, it does not mean I am weak and vulnerable. I just choose to let others to see the naked me. (don’t have to guess me)

Sep 23 – “A winner knows how much he still has to learn, even when he is considered an expert by others; a loser wants to be considered as an expert before he has learned enough to know how little he knows.“ by Sydney Harris

(3) Two hours of exercise per week (8.5 hours every month) 65% checked – took an hour every week during lunch time to do some fast walking around the block and 30 minutes stretching each night before going to bed. Certainly over the past 90 days, there were still room to improve; and I keep on telling myself to continue going ahead, not to let yesterday’s failure dis-encourages tomorrow’s success!

(4) Two activities per month that I would love to do with myself (2 activities to share each month) Checked! Take a good bath with oil, home made ice tea with candle and music 🙂 Treat myself with world famous singer concert (Madonna’s concert)!!

(5) Save $100 per month for the thing that I always wanted ($100 more at the end of each month) Checked! Not only I have saved $300, a friend of mine has given me an iPAD as a gift! So wonderful~ it’s like when I start to accumulate wealth, wealth itself multiplies!!! (law of attraction?)

After 30 Days on How to love yourself more, I have challenged myself on 30 Days on How to love your partner. It has been a great 30 days in my life and for my relationship with my partner. I have carried out the daily actions myself; some are quite challenging and requiring lots of space between my partner and I, some are easier and fun to do. We not only get to know each other much more in a deeper level, but also using the opportunities to make commitments embracing our differences and common goals in life. Both my partner and I have learnt a lot in this 30 days journey, I truly hope this mini-journey has brought and shared different perspectives of relationship, enriched and helped your relationship in any ways.

Thank you all who read my posts, shared comments, gave feedback and liked what I believe 🙂 Learning how to love is a lifelong journey, hope to see or hear from you again on the road.

I wish all of us all creating and profiting from the life we want and we create!

In general, do you love your partner in your own ways or the ways your partner expects or a mix of the two? Do you insist on the view that what you think or what you give your partner is the best and is for your partner’s best interest? Do you know and carefully consider his or her needs before giving and sharing your opinions and love? Do you know which of your love actions make your partner feels loved and cared for?

We are all unique; we have our own ways of expressing, thinking and doing things, including loving ourselves and others. Sometimes we adopt the same approach of loving ourselves in loving others; sometimes we adjust or take a different approach. It’s important that we remind ourselves since we are all different due to our sexes, backgrounds, childhood, past experiences and so on, so we may have different needs in love. What you think is the best for your partner may not be the best or what he or she needs or wants.

For example, as a female partner, you may show your love by keeping a loving, clean home with meal prepared for your partner to come back to; however your partner might oversee all these and hope you energetically welcome him home with sweet words of greeting, comforting hugs or a simple massage after a long day instead of you busy with cooking and feeling tired due to the house chores. It’s a pity in the relationship where couples love and give each other so much, but the love is not fully received, just because the love given is not the love expected or wanted.

How would you love your partner in the days to come?

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Understanding what is my partner’s expectation of ‘being loved’ and committing myself to love in such ways expected by my partner.

For your actions:

(1) List out ‘how you love your partner’.

(2) Find out from your partner, what are the things you do that he or she feels loved by you; what are his or her examples of feeling loved.

How do you love your partner? Are you constantly trying out new ways to love your partner, new manners to show and express your affection and caring, new channels to communicate your admiration, gratitude and appreciation? Are you being creative in loving your partner, delivering your love messages and actions, as well as creating the relationship you want? Surely your partner would not mind little versatility and dynamic in how you love him or her.

Ever thought that loving your partner may be creative? Love may be just love and you just love your partner and nothing in love can be ‘creative’ about it. If you are willing, give it a try and answer this: how many ways can you come up to express ‘you love your partner’?How many ways to say thank you to your partner? When you come up with 10 or 20 options, there will still be few out there, waiting for us to explore.

Sounds exciting, isn’t it? To go beyond what we know exist already and explore the unknown. It not only surprises your partner, but also excites ourselves in the exploring process. Here are some tips for being creative in loving your partner and building the relationship:

always brain storm for some new exciting ideas; not to stop at first and only idea

do something spontaneous and out of your ordinary routine, i.e. your colleague mentions a good place for night viewing today in office, why not take your partner to the place for a romantic night view (something you would not normally do in weekday).

deliver messages unconventionally, i.e. writing on the sand, through your singing, spelt out the message using MM chocolate, using post-it, graffiti….etc.

following the heart-felt moments; create environment for it and for surprises

go extra mile for your partner, try something new or wouldn’t dare to do

Relationship is what you create of it; it’s in your hand to excite and energize your love for your partner and the relationship. What you invest and put in the relationship, you and your partner will both benefit from it.

Today I love my partner by: (share it aloud to your partner)

Being creative in the ways I love my partner; I will try different ways.

For your actions:

(1) Take time to brainstorm right now and come up with at least 5 NEW ways that you have never done before in expressing “I love you” to your partner. Do these 5 new ways with this week.