Where I Got My Sense Of Humor

my mom is just one or two steps above being computer-illiterate. she can email, she can look at the websites in her bookmarked folder, and that's about it.

she could do a whole lot more with her computer, if she would just try. but, she won't.

so, anyhoo, a couple of weeks ago, my little bro informed her that i had a blog. i would have told her myself, but i figured i would get the "deer-in-the-headlights" stare that i usually get whenever talking to my mother about anything technical.

like i'm an expert...i had the same look on my face when basil was walking me (with a whole lot of patience) through installing Blogrolling and a few other things he helped me with...like i said, i'm no expert.

so, i had to explain to her that i didn't have a whole website, but a "blog", just a small piece of a much larger website. i'm too cheap (right now, anyway) to pay for a domain of my own.

she said "that's just what your little brother said you would say."

then we started talking about how the Giants won the day before, and i added that the Dodgers had also lost, and that was such a great day in this season that i had to do a post about it.

my mother, kind and gentle soul that she is, the type of person that wouldn't say "sh*t" even if she had a mouthful of it, looked me in the eyes and asked:

"moehawk, have you been flogging your blog again?"

uncontrollable laughter on both sides, for a couple of minutes at least...the only bummer about uncontrollable laughter is that it never lasts long enough...then she says "you have to use that...."

so i did. i got my warped sense of humor from my mother, and she's damn proud of it.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Movin' On Up....

Abdullah At The Ballpark

heh! i crack myself up sometimes....and other times i'm the only one i crack up.oh well, such is the life of a funnyguy.

in Giants news, they've won 3 in a row! haven't done that since we swept the Rockies (sorry, Babaganoosh, to remind you of that).

Tomko got a complete game, Matheny hit a homer that turned out to be the winning run, and the Giants are back at .500. not exactly the winning percentage i'd like to be typing about right now, but better than below .500.

i'm surprised by how well both the Dodgers and the Diamondbacks are doing, especially with the spring-training predictions. the season is still young, however, and great starts are not always an indicator of a great season.

hopefully, crappy starts aren't an indicator of a crappy season, or this will be a very long one for me.

moehawk, ace baseball reporter, signing out.

'till tomorrow.

btw...if you don't get the title of this post, you haven't been reading my blog enough. you read now!

Baseball Stuff

GIANTS WIN 6-5!

thanks in part to J.T. Snow and his 4 hits. one homer short of the cycle. if you know anything about Snow, you'd know that the triple is the hardest one for him to get. you see, he can't run very fast.

but, he makes up for the slow running with the multiple gold-glove winning defensive ability that he has. his feet might not move fast while he's running, but they are lightning-quick to get him to a ball hit anywhere near him, and seem to be able to grow as long as he needs them to be to still be in contact with the base when the runner tries to cross it....

Giants fans love J.T. Snow. ever since his first game in a SF uni, he has demonstrated the famed D that won him all his gold gloves. many a Giants fan that i have talked to, when the team is not doing very well, are all about trading him for a first baseman that has more power at the plate, but can't bear the thought of letting his mastery of his position go to another team.

while he might not be the best batter on the team, when he has an offensive night like tonight, all his batting woes are forgiven, and we appreciate his glove that much more.

The News

well, i must say that it was a lot of fun doing headlines for basil while he was away on his weekend trip. i imagine my stuff was read by more people on those two days than the whole time i've been posting my funny on this little spot.

Baseball News

GIANTS WIN 6-2!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Wow!

when i created this tiny little excuse for a blog,about 1 month and 1 week ago, the TTLB Ecosystem was broken. i couldn't add my blog to it, so therefore i had no idea of how many others liked my stuff.

when the Ecosystem got back on line and was able to accept new blogs, i was ready to accept my status as a insignificant microbe, or at best a multicellural microorganism, and was pleasantly surprised to be a Crawly Amphibian, and then the next day i was a Slithering Reptile.

as of this hour, i am a Flappy Bird. i'm movin' on up. to the top. to a deluxe apartment in the sky. or should that read "sky-y-y-y"? been a while since i've seen "The Jeffersons"..

even though the Giants lost, the Dodgers did too.

so being a Flappy Bird ain't too bad, if you're here in CA.

'k. i'm done rambling, but before i head to bed, i'd like to thank all my loyal readers and supporters, and everyone that knows more than i do about computers and have helped me get to where i am.

Stupid Thing I Did

phin tagged me with this one, and he answered mine, so i guess i have to answer his.

it has nothing to do with alcohol, but i usually don't talk about stupid stuff i've done unless i'm drunk.

so, one day, about 15 years ago, when i was still young and reckless, i had a motorcycle. nice bike, a '82 Yamaha Maxim 750, inline 4 with shaft drive, customized before i bought it for a good price.

Vetter fairing, already set up to put a stereo in. custom seat, driver's seat with elevated passenger seat and a backrest for the passenger.

put a stereo in, was a great bike to ride.

oh yeah....it also had a Cruise Control. not high-tech, just a little wedge-like device that would stop the throttle wherever it was when the wedge-thingie was snapped into place. and when it was in place, the bike was heavy and stable enough that you could take your hands off the grips and lean back with arms crossed over your chest and just ride, let your body weight control the curves in the road.

no helmet laws here in CA in those days....

oh yeah... the stupid story meme...i was getting lost in the Good Old Days....

so one day, i was riding home from Santa Rosa, CA after i got done visiting friends that lived there. it was a fine day to ride, and Highway 101 has a lot of nice straight stretches on it. on one of those straight parts of the road, i put the cruise control on, and high on youth, the thrill of danger from being up on two wheels, and the feeling of invulnerabilty that comes with youth, i decided to ride on the bitch seat. i stood up on the pegs, shifted my center of gravity slowly backwards, sat on the back seat, then lifted my feet from the driving pegs to the passenger pegs.

i rode that way for almost two miles, sitting on the passenger seat with nobody driving the bike, flying down 101 at 65 MPH, waving at cars and other motorcyclists that were in the oncoming lane. got more than one surprised look, and a group of Harley riders gave me a thumbs-up as i passed them.

then, i thought to myself, WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING? the high of youth gave way to sensibility, and i carefully slid back down to the driver's seat.

never tried that again, but i have bragging rights for having been that stupid.

Baseball Is Starting To Be A Little More Fun...

hey, baseball fans. sorry if i've been a little lax about the daily Giants posts. just seems sometimes when i get home from work, go to the Official Giants Website only to read about another disappointing loss, makes writing something other than a whiny post full of what my team should have done not seem very appealing.

after all, i didn't start blogging because i like to whine, just as much as any of you visit blogs to read somebody's whinings and moanings about how they could do things so much better if they were in charge.

i'm in it for the funny, and occasionally to show off some of my photography. which has been a little dry lately, boring sunsets on my nights off, etc., but that's not the focus of this post. the focus is,

GIANTS WIN 4-3 IN BOTTOM OF 13th!

and in other baseball news,

DODGERS LOSE!

i know that tomorrow is a whole new day for baseball, and anything can happen. just let me enjoy my Giants high for now.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I've Been Tagged!

basil tried to do the same, but was just wasn't fast enough. busy watching the Catfish, i bet.

anyhoo, here goes...

If I could be an athlete, i'd make tons of money and not take steroids. unless i was getting old and losing my edge....

If I could be a scientist, i would invent the cure for everything, and sell it to the highest bidder, and make a ton of money....

If I could be a musician, i'd make a ton of money and then drink and drug myself into incoherency, thus guaranteeing that MTV would put me in my own reality show.

If I could be a professor, i'd teach the college students that it is wrong to be a smelly hippie, French or otherwise anti-American. not much money in it, but otherwise satisfying.

If I could be a librarian, i'd occasionally yell as loud as i could just to make people jump. heh.

So here's how it works. Immediately following there is a list of 19 different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them (feel free to select more). You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with "If I could be..." Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.

For example, if the selected occupation was "pirate" you might take the phrase "If I could be a pirate..." and add to it "I would sail the 7 Seas, dating lasses from around the worlde." See how easy that is? Here's the list:

If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an innkeeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...

so, who will the next victims be?

we'll have to wait a day or so to find out, because my little town is about to experience an 8 hour blackout starting in a few minutes, while the electric company does some work on the local substation.

For Dumb People...

GRRRRR!

ah, yes, baseball is truly here. the long months of eager anticipation, just waiting for the season to start so my team can once again make me want to puke.

funny, it usually doesn't happen until late September/early October.....

in case you didn't watch the game, the Giants blew a 8-5 lead badly. Armando Benitez, the new closing pitcher, looked like he had never seen a baseball before in his life. granted, he pitched better than i could have, but that's not saying much. and, i think that Ellison, brought in as a pinch runner for Feliz, and stayed on in left field, probably will not get much sleep tonight.

and what's up with Ledee? he couldn't hit to save his life in a Giants uniform, but put a Dodgers hat on the guy.....GRRRRR!

the beauty of baseball is, there's another chance to beat 'em tomorrow

Three In A Row!

anyhoo, the Giants were ahead 3-0 when i had to go to work at the end of the fourth. i was encouraged, but as any Giants fan knows, they have a way of blowing much bigger leads than that. i tried to listen to it on the radio at work, but in between bad radio reception (the FM station that carries the Giants games in my little town is very underpowered, and my workplace is not very good for radio reception in general) and lots of stuff to keep me busy and away from the radio, i missed the rest of the game.

i was thrilled to get home and find, via the Official Website, that they had not only swept the Rockies, but had done so in a very convincing way.

like, 11-4.

now that the Giants have a little momentum going, i'm a bit more confident about the upcoming road trip, and hoping for a little payback against LA.

i'm sure that the Thong Pirate will be a little nervous around 1:00PM Pacific time on Tuesday...

GO GIANTS!

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Grand Slam!

yes, the exclamation point means that the Giants won again.

two in a row...season's best streak (so far)!

sorry, Babaganoosh, but there's 17 more to go.

anyway, a little recap...boring game, until after i had to go to work during the top of the fourth.. i got home, turned on the 'puter, clicked on the Giants' site, and learned that Michael Tucker launched not only a Grand Slam, but also a Splash Hit...that's a respectable distance, for those who don't know a lot about the Giants' home field. not just a first-row, fielder could have caught it kind of homer. the Giants went on to win the game, 4-2.

Great Day!

today was great.

the sun was out, and the weather was beautiful, really nice after days of rain and haze and fog.

haze and fog is our usual summer weather. we get one or two nice days per week, then lots of fog. thick stuff, too. tourists from inland love it, especially when it's about 100+ degrees wherever it is that they come from.

well, if you weren't near a television set today, the Giants won their home opener against the hated Dodgers. things didn't look very promising when Jason Schmidt gave up a big homer in his first two or three pitches, but all was well in the end.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Baseball Is Almost Here!

and i can't wait! the Giants are looking strong, even without their number 1 powerhitter, and i have a good feeling about this season.

but then again, i always have a good feeling about every season.

i really, really like baseball. this last off season has been worse than usual, since i normally have the Niners to fall back on for sports entertainment, but if you followed last football season at all, you'd know what i mean.

i just feel sorry for Arizona. imagine being the only team in the league that lost to the 49ers. twice.

enough about football. it's a secondary sport in my opinion. baseball is, after all, America's sport (and please, no wisecracks about it being nothing but modified cricket and that basketball was the only sport invented here in America).

baseball is ok on TV, actually a bit better on the radio, if the color guy is funny, but nothing beats sitting in one of those cramped little stadium seats, trying to balance a 6 dollar hot dog, a 7 dollar beer, and keeping the glove on in case a foul ball comes flying at your head.

now, that's baseball.

i'm still waiting for an email from my uncle, who buys season tickets every year, letting me know which games are available. he'd be my favorite uncle, except for the little fact that he's a Democrat. and a lawyer....but he buys season tickets, so that almost makes up for his shortcomings.

so i'll buy the tickets, and then go to the games with my Republican uncle. or my little bro...

i've been to at least two games every season since Pac BellSBC park opened, and i have yet to see a loss when my little bro and i go to a game. hmmm....maybe i should write to the Giants' front office and mention that, and try to work them for season tickets for the two of us, plus a nice salary to be the official good luck charm. baseball people are mighty superstitious, maybe they'd go for it!

probably not.

i'll be glued to my TV set on Tuesday, and expect more Giants blog posts in the near future. i hope that they're full of crowing, and not whining.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Sorry, Folks

i'm just too tired to come up with anything funny, or even semi-witty. work has been hell the last few days, with Abalone Season opening, and a bunch of cities that use my little town as a vacation destination are experiencing Spring Break.

more tourists than you can shake a stick at. or hit with a stick.

most are nice people willing to spend some money to get out of whatever city it is that they live in, but some deserve to be hit with a stick.

a big stick.

hope to be back in the blogging mood soon, probably tomorrow, maybe not until Monday (day off! WOO-HOO!) but definitely Tuesday....baseball season opens for my Giants on April 5th.

against the Dodgers, in S.F... should be fun!

i love baseball!

that is all that this weary mind can come up with.

thanks.

update

for any of you that clicked the link to find out what an abalone actually is, here's a site that has a few ideas for what to do after you catch the slippery little bastages.