Tag Archives: personal counseling

Alright, you read article after article about getting counseling or “therapy” as it is sometimes referred to. Most of us get a mental image of a couch and the ghost of Sigmund Freud with a notepad prying open our innermost thoughts. Further, many people think if you go to counseling ultimately it is bound to work.

The reason for this article is to tell you about the several times I was in therapy and why it didn’t work in hopes that if you choose therapy you can avoid certain pitfalls that I encountered.

I have manic depression. That is a chemical imbalance I have that was diagnosed at age 35. I am now 60-years-old.

It took a bit of time to get it under control and throughout that time I saw different counselors.

Following are some reasons why I had a problem with counseling:

Fear was the first problem I had. The counselor was actually good. He was about my age and he had a doctorate. He knew how to ask questions. He was friendly and non-threatening. As we moved through therapy the questions became more and more personal.

One evening while we were in a session he asked me a question and I suddenly felt as though I were at the precipice of a deep canyon. I felt if I answered the question “something bad” was going to happen.

I quit.

The next counselor I had started every sentence after one of my comments with “Well I would just do…” I was not interested in what he would do.

When people are having mental or emotional problems they throw up all kinds of roadblocks. I was no different. I lied.

If the counselor is not smart or savvy enough to catch on, then the therapy will fail.

However I believe the most frequent cause of failure in counseling is a basic difference in belief systems between the patient and the counselor. I know this was the situation in my case.

If you read my bio you will see that I am a Bible student. It will not shock you to find that I believe people should take responsibility for their behaviors and that certain things like adultery are wrong.

I had a counselor who kept telling me to “let myself off the hook” (not for adultery) rather than helping me find ways to improve unacceptable behaviors.

Having said all of this I think counseling is a good thing. Frankly I think talking to people you love and respect will do the most good for you. It has been proven that when we talk we actually learn from ourselves.

If you’re having a problem good luck. Don’t try to “go it alone.” You’d be surprised at how many people in your life if they knew you needed someone to talk to would love to help.

Should you be conserned if your teenager is showing signs of depression?
Well the short quick answer is yes. But it is not as easy as it sounds to just be conserned.

Anyone who has more than one teenager can tell you that sometimes teenagers can be a little difficult, some more so than others.

And while it is very true that you do need to be conserned if your child is showing signs of depression. Sometimes it is better to take a wait and see approach. (But not if your child is doing things that can cause harm to themselves or others)

What I mean by a wait and see approach is this. Take a little extra time to just listen to what your teenager is saying. You can listen and at the same time not agree with what they are saying. But by taking time to listen to what your teen is saying. You may “hear” what they are not saying.

You may discover that they have been being ridiculed or teased by someone, and they are not handling this well. They may have changed their behaviour trying to conform to what they think that will make them popular with their peers. Or at the least make them less of a target to be picked on.

But the choices they have made may not really be in their best interest. Teenagers can decide to do some very dangerous things, and to socialize with people who they really do not need to be.

The teen years can be difficult, and sometimes it is best to just stay up late and let your teen talk to you. About anything, and try to just listen. This can be hard at times. But if your child is showing signs of depression, the first thing you want to do is make an extra effort to listen to what is going on in their life.

Your teen may be showing some signs of depression, but that does not always mean they need to be put on medication for depression. (sometimes it is needed but not always).

While it may seem difficult to know when to seek professional assistance, sometimes you can help your child work through a mild case of depression just by taking extra time with them. But if despite everything you do to help your child work through depression there is no improvement. Or if you notice that your child is loosing all interest in things once important to them. Then it is in your child’s best interest to seek the assistance of a professional counselor.

Teenagers can and do become severly depressed at times. Just as older people do. But from my personal experience sometimes just having someone to listen to me talk helps a lot. And I was at one time a very depressed teenager. I did attempt suicide. Not every depressed teen will do that, but some will.

Also sometimes when a child or teenager is depressed or showing signs of depression it can be because of some sort of abuse that is going on. Especially sexual abuse. The teen years are difficult by themselves, because of the bodily changes that are going on, and the added expectations at school and home. Then add in sexual abuse and that can push someone over the edge.

That was what pushed me over the edge as a teenager. I had already delt with many things including being homeless, and going to many different school. It was not until I was much older that I realized some of the many reasons for my depression.

It is because of what I felt and delt with as a teenager that I try to take extra time to listen to my teenagers now. I am not always as good at that as I should be. But I do try to take time to listen as often as possible.

And I do believe that sometimes it is wise for a parent to take their child for professional counselling. Because sometimes teenagers can not see that the problems they have today, will pass.

No one likes having surgery even when the consequences are anticipated to be positive. That’s because most people worry about different tests that have to be done as well as the discomfort of some of the preparation, the potential risks of surgery, and the possible pain afterwards. Preparation for an operation is primarily physical with little time or emphasis given to the psychological component, which can be very important to many anxious people.

Some doctors and hospitals provide counseling for those who are to undergo surgery. This is usually for those who have complicated operations that may be life-threatening or have negative effects. Few medical facilities give counseling to those who have minor or relatively common surgeries, such as knee replacements and hysterectomies. It is likely, however, that more people would benefit from counseling prior to surgery than many physicians consider. Patients may not disclose their fears of surgery, preferring to show the proper “face”, when in fact they may be very anxious. Since anxiety is an emotion that can affect behavior, it is important for everyone to have an opportunity to talk through feelings prior to an operation.

In the days before an operation the patient needs someone safe to talk to about the procedure in some detail. Usually the doctor will have time to sort out the physical issues but may not have the time or inclination to deal with the psychological ones. A brief therapy session with a counselor can be of real help during these times. In many states, a prescription or referral from a physician to a counselor may allow the therapy to be covered by insurance. Even so the usual $100 to $150 cost for an hour is well worth the money to get good advice as preparation for surgery to deal with the fear and anxiety.

Even if counseling is privately done without insurance coverage, it is still good preparation for surgery of almost any kind. It allows the patient to talk through fears and all of the “what ifs,” to identify problem feelings and issues, and to learn what emotional preparation can be undertaken through any exercise the therapist might recommend. Often it is useful to involve a significant family member or close friend, following therapeutic preliminaries, and with the patient’s consent. That’s because some of the emotional support may be reinforced by folks the patient trusts.

Operations are more than physical events; they are psychological ones as well. With the body – mind connection long established, it is likely important for a potential surgical patient to have counseling prior to an invasive event.