Dude! What a shitty garbage year this has been. I mean, pretty much every year in the history of years has been a shitty garbage year — "happiness" is really just a euphemism for "successful garbage mitigation" — but 2012 has been particularly gross in a lot of ways. Half the country thinks rape is hilarious. Republicans aren't so sure it exists. People are eating other people. The only place that isn't suffering a horrible drought is bracing for a horrible hurricane. All the other terrifying stuff Republicans think. And Phyllis Diller died!

Symptoms include fever, headache, muscle and joint pains, and a characteristic skin rash that is similar to measles. In a small proportion of cases the disease develops into the life-threatening dengue hemorrhagic fever, resulting in bleeding, low levels of blood platelets and blood plasma leakage, or into dengue shock syndrome, where dangerously low blood pressure occurs.

The classic signs of pertussis are a paroxysmal cough, inspiratory whoop, and vomiting after coughing.[5] The cough from pertussis has been documented to cause subconjunctival hemorrhages, rib fractures, urinary incontinence, hernias, post-cough fainting, and vertebral artery dissection.

Symptoms may include may fever, headaches, fatigue, muscle pain or aches, malaise, nausea, anorexia, vomiting, myalgias and rash. The most severe cases result in neurologic disease when the central nervous system is affected.

The primary stage classically presents with a single chancre (a firm, painless, non-itchy skin ulceration), secondary syphilis with a diffuse rash which frequently involves the palms of the hands and soles of the feet, latent syphilis with little to no symptoms, and tertiary syphilis with gummas, neurological, or cardiac symptoms. It has, however, been known as "the great imitator" due to its frequent atypical presentations.

EVD begins with a sudden onset of an influenza-like stage characterized by general malaise, fever with chills, arthralgia and myalgia, and chest pain. Nausea is accompanied by abdominal pain, anorexia, diarrhea, and vomiting...Contrary to popular belief, hemorrhage does not lead to hypovolemia and is not the cause of death (total blood loss is low except during labor). Instead, death occurs due to multiple organ dysfunction syndrome.

Symptoms of zoonotic swine flu in humans are similar to those of influenza and of influenza-like illness in general, namely chills, fever, sore throat, muscle pains, severe headache, coughing, weakness and general discomfort.

Cholera a.k.a. "The Blue Death" a.k.a. "Plague in the Guts" a.k.a. "Cholera? I Just Met-'er! Uh."

The primary symptoms of cholera are profuse, painless diarrhea and vomiting of clear fluid. These symptoms usually start suddenly, one to five days after ingestion of the bacteria. The diarrhea is frequently described as "rice water" in nature and may have a fishy odor. An untreated person with cholera may produce 10–20 litres of diarrhea a day with fatal results.

Prevention tips: If you're in a place with questionable sewage management and water quality, sterilize all your water. Also there's a vaccine. Also you could support international aid agencies that provide water purification systems in developing countries! Seeing as it's completely embarrassing that poopwater is still a major problem in a world where we have iPads.

Antibiotic-Resistant "Superbugs" a.k.a. "Really Funny Clark Kent Pun That I Failed to Come Up With in Time for My Deadline" a.k.a. "Mother Brain."