party favors

A new study just released from the New England Journal of Medicine shows a clear association between extra virgin olive oil and enhanced virility in men. The study was conducted over a three-year period with 803 study participants. Ages of the participants ranged from 50 to 87 years of age. The results concluded that a diet rich in a certain type of extra virgin olive translated to increased stamina and strength in male performance.

“As career scientists, we’re trained not to begin our research with pre-conceived notions of outcomes. But I must admit that when this hypothesis was brought to my team’s attention, most of us thought it would have no merit. We were wrong,” stated Dr. Zaitun Minyak, lead author of the study.

It turns out that only olives that are harvested at night, and then further milled at night into extra virgin olive oil result in the above stated outcome.

Says Dr. Minyak, “Our control group was given two tablespoons of certified extra virgin olive oil (harvested and milled during daylight hours) daily for the term of the three-year study, while our test group was given two tablespoons of certified extra virgin olive oil that had been harvested and milled between sunset and sunrise daily for the term of the study.”

“The results were astonishingly conclusive,” said Dr. April Bodoh, co-author of the study. “Allowing for environmental and other variable factors, the test group enjoyed an 84% increase in stamina and a 73% increase in strength (click here for measurement conventions). By sharp contrast, the control group saw a 6% decrease in stamina and a 4% decline in strength over the same period.”

If you’re still reading this, we are so very sorry to inform you that this is indeed an April Fool’s joke. That said, extra virgin olive oil, no matter its hour of harvest and milling does enjoy myriad health benefits to men and women alike. Happy spring!