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Thursday, January 21, 2010

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Did you know that 89.3% of New Year's resolution diets FAIL in just 3 weeks?

No?

Well, that's probably because I made that stat up. (FACT: 63.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.)

I'm pretty sure most diets do fail, though, on account of their requiring you to eat significantly smaller portions of cake - and, let's face it, that's a trade-off no one wants to make.

Still, for you foolhardy few trudging on in blatant defiance of Mother Nature, your genetics, and the Baskin Robbins large chocolate Oreo shake, here are some motivational visuals sure to make you lose your appetite, if not that spare tire.

Imagine semi-congealed cement. With a chaser of pond scum. And a dead, flattened snake.

Now, imagine washing that all down with a niiice, cold glass of milk.

Feeling motivated yet?

I bet this cake would taste really wet. And Reddi-Whip-ee. And...silk flowery.

This next one has a dual purpose: it will make you want to avoid cake and a career in proctology.

I have no words. And, frankly, the only thing that could follow this up would be...well, this:

RSS Feed Update: Due to excessive internet thievery (boo, spam blogs!) I've finally had to pull the plug on our full RSS feed. We're still tinkering and experimenting with options, though, so please bear with us!

The rat cake actually made me smile. I've had pet hamsters for many years and my friends did something similar with the sprinkles on my cake and then said "Oh your hams helped us decorate it". If it had had a fake rat on it, it may have been a different story though.

And Suzie, my brain did the same thing on Public. Natural connection I'm guessing? Bleh.

I think I just lost my appetite for the rest of the day, thanks...I need to lost a pound or two.

And off-topic...in case you haven't been to Jacob's site in awhile, he had a rough night with having to be intubated for being unresponsive. He is doing better this morning, but needs all the prayers he can get to try and get into a new clinical trial. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jacobmatthewtaylor/journal

What's really sad about the butt cake is that it looks like someone actually tried on that one.

I had to retrieve some old cutters out of a box from the garage a few weeks ago and when I went out there, for a moment I thought, "How did all those chocolate sprinkles get on the TOP of the box?" Then I clued in. Ew. Even though the box was intact and there were no "sprinkles" inside, I still boiled the cutters. I can't imagine trying to eat a cake that reminds me of that.

WV: pikiesco: Pikies Co is the company that makes all of that plastic flotsam-on-a-stick for jamming into cakes by lazy decorators.

I just want to thank you... I sat here laughing out loud at these cakes and especially your commentary, and there's no better way to start my day. I look forward to Cake Wrecks every morning. Thanks for all you do!

I am in the midst of a weight loss competition with my neighbors. So, thanks for the help!

1) mm. moldy cake with snake. and GREEN. how can green vegetables NOT look appetizing after that? (for those that hate veggies)

2) do silk flowers count as roughage?

3) "man lands on the moon" has a whole new meaning for me. and this reminds me how dieters wonder "does my butt look fat"? more motivation.

4) bloody poop or intestines? you decide. (meanwhile what the heck is it SUPPOSED to be? and is it only icing and jelly? no cake? yuck)

5) Does Chad have a rodent problem in his apartment? How supportive of his friends. At least we know where NOT to eat. (Must admire the fine motor skills of the decorator to spell out his name in sprinkles.)

6) get thee to a hot wax specialist! hair? or maggots...

7) the jelly on those blueberries makes it look fish or amphibian eggs. yuck....

Sharon, they actually make a candy decoration that looks like rocks like that. I had them on my daughters' beach themed cake. but we could always wonder. I mean, silk flowers? not everyone is very resourceful....

Wow- some of these are simple... no, ALL of these cakes are simply gross! They are NOT funny, they would appeal to only extremely weird people and turn the rest of the guest's stomachs over! Seriously, who would order that and who would make that for someone? In good faith knowing my name goes out the door with that cake- I would never let a cake like those leave my bakery!

I am betting some of these cakes were made by decorators who were told "You're fired...now finish up what you're doing, hand in your apron and get out!" And they thought "Oh I'll finish decorating alright...." Gotta be.

I always tell my grandfather that 89% of statistics are made up on the spot. And so my train of thought has just allowed me to reframe the three dead mice I found in his garage last week (*shudder*) as 'the Chad Incident.'

Ugh, the blueberries look like frog eggs! Also, with the hairy cake, it reminded me of a situation in high school where I was reading about pubic hair and misread it "public hair." Conversely, I misread "public" in the hairy cake description.

Did you intentionally make it impossible to read your posts via rss reader? All your feed shows is post titles now and no posts. I hope not because you'll lose this reader if so. And likely many others. :(

Speaking (overandoverandover) of "poo," I need to ask: Has anyone here NOT seen at least one of the hundreds of renditions of a "LITTER BOX CAKE"?If not, Google it, then buckle up and hold onto your gag reflex, because they are unbelievable. I can't even begin to scratch the surface of trying to describe them...they are sure to turn guests into party poopers in a whiz. Go on, look it up~~I dare ya.>^ee^<

Yes please, make sure we can see your posts through our RSSreaders. It may be a only a little extra step we have to take, but it's one extra steps I refuse to take with other sites. I don't want to have to give up on CW too!

Not only is the butt cake "personalized" with paper tattoos, it looks for all the world like the decorator put a bunch of moles all over ON PURPOSE! It might just be a really sloppy fondant job, but that's not what it looks like...

O.M.G. I just had fresh blueberries for breakfast; I'm not sure they aren't about to make an, umm, reappearance. :( I seriously didn't think it was possible to make blueberries look disgusting! Wow. Just... these cakes are..... wordfail!

the blueberries seriously look like someone swallowed the whole and then coughed them back up.... Ugh! I already hated blueberries, but this further cements that.... What is wrong with these people?!?!

Oh. My. God. These are the nastiest cakes ever posted here for SURE. The watery blueberries . . . the pubic hair . . . ugh. But my favorite is the decorator's interpretation of what happened to the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve were expelled. Looks like it turned into a pretty rough neighborhood.

I think the first cake is actually really well done. Look at the details of the forest! I bet it was done for a boy who has a snake. I could see boys who are SO tired of girly cakes with "blue flowers" for boys just diving into that one. I bet the boy told his mother she was the best mother ever!

The first thing I thought when seeing the proctology cake was "What What In The Butt" and now I can't get that song out of my head!! (google it)

I Heart the rat poo cake. It's wrecky but FUNNY! My family has always had pet rats and I've worked with a local Rat rescue and adoption agency here recently. I think this cake would be great for one of their events!! I'll also have to remember that cake for my Sis's birthday. Rats are her favorite animal.

Sendingtheclowns: I've made one of those Litter Box Cakes before. I brought it to work for a Halloween party and it was a huge hit. Two of the guys were even fighting over the tootsie roll 'poo'!

I guess it just has to do with people's senses of humor and what they find gross. I actually don't think any of today's Wrecks gross. (What's gross to me are the preggo torsos and sonogram baby shower cakes. I cannot fathom why anyone would want a slice of C-Section cake!)

You know, the hairy cake reminds me of the scene from "American Wedding." you know the one--when he shaves his privates and shakes the bath mat out the window, and the hair gets sucked in through the kitchen exhaust fan--all over the cake.

yum.

btw, I guess it's easier to eat the cake if you get a slice of it without having to see where it came from/what it looked like before.

Guess no one ever told the wreckorator that "public hair should not be pubic." Or vice versa.

And has anyone ever ordered blueberry pancakes and they hand you plain pancakes covered in pie filling instead? That was only half as disgusting as that last cake, and I think that's really saying something.

Dawnspring: I am a professional decorator and have made my share of litter box cakes as well at customers' requests. If people stand around saying "Oh, gross...", then I know I've done my job of creating a realistic cake, and earned the money I was paid. There are rarely any leftovers, either :)And in defense of decorators, while there is no excuse for a truly bad decorating job, we can't be held totally responsible for the content of cakes. We provide a service and while I might try to guide my customers in a better direction if their taste is questionable, they are ultimately paying me and they get what they want...even if it is a plastic rat and rat poo sprinkles :)Irene

Add me to the list of people who don't particularly like having to click through to get to the page. I prefer the RSS feed because it is cleaner -- no background graphics, no sidebar graphics, no header graphics, no comments -- just the post content -- and that makes it easier to read and less likely to trigger a migraine.

As a dyed-in-the-wool New Englander, I have to say this. Those are not blueberries. Those are bloated, cultivated monstrosities. Blueberries are the size of peas and have more flavor than water. [/snob]

That said, I don't want to eat any of the other ones either. Well done, Jen.

WV: isold -- I'd have to say that the frosting on that snake cake isold.

@anonymous @ 11:54Jen explained the RSS change in the post. Blame the thieves, not the authors. It's really not that difficult to open a browser page after you get the feed letting you know it is posted.

@all anonymi:complaining and not signing your name is cowardly and reduces your credibility.

Ack! The full post didn't show up in my blog reader. Tell me you didn't limit the feed? I automatically unsubscribe from blogs that make me click though - even the awesome ones like yours. I'll still visit, just not very often. I hope you reconsider!

@ Dawnspring:That is too cool! I've truly wanted to try one myself, just to see if I could eat any of it with my eyes (or mouth, for that matter) open! But something about displaying the whole lovely mess in a REAL plastic litter box, and the partially-melted (and kinda shiny) Tootsie Rolls...served with a (supposedly never-been-used) REAL pooper scooper... uuhhhhhh... I have a cast iron stomach for most things, but the ones I've seen look just a tad too real, especially if you live with the real deal.Which would be cats, and poop.But I agree with you on the C-section cakes.That's just tacky. >^~.~^<

I am honestly curious: Why is clicking through a bad thing? Does it take a lot of time or open you up to viruses? Does it cost you money or bog down your computer? It can't be the ads... you can download a simple, free adblocker for that.

I don't know if you guys know this but we have had several sites take all of the content from CW, all of it, and repost it as their own. And they got it from the RSS feed. I realize that limiting the RSS won't stop it completely but it will stop a lot of it.

So I guess the choice is yours. Is the partial RSS enough reason for you to leave forever? If so, I am truly sorry to see you go.

I am no computer expert, so bear with me here, but am I to understand that people are unhappy because they have to click a mouse a couple extra times to see CW? Is this insight into the reason America is so obese? We can't even bring ourselves to make a couple extra marginally perceptible moves with an index finger anymore? The only excuse I can think for this being a problem involves paralysis. Or maybe having a hand trapped under something heavy.

Oh! I know! The people who are complaining are the ones who've been stealing your stuff, right?

It's your blog, Jen and John, so do what ya gotta do. If they want their own personal court jesters, they should start by looking on Craigslist or something. I understand that Conan O'Brien is looking for work. Feh on grouchy people, anyway!

If you look at the larger version of the butt cake (I know, why would you?), the little doctor figure is obviously made from a Galactic Heroes Jedi figure, maybe an Obi-Wan, painted up to look like a doctor in scrubs. Totally cute. Doesn't make the cake more tasty-looking, but somebody did go to a lot of trouble to do it.

Regarding the RSS feed, it's not a matter of being lazy -- I use my Blackberry or iPod Touch to go through my Google Reader feeds, and if I have to click through, it takes FOREVER to load (and is a lot harder to read because of the dark background).

I understand you gotta do what you gotta do, but I thought I'd share another perspective on why it's disappointing. Hopefully there's a happy compromise somewhere down the road, because I love my wrecks.

Longtime reader, usually don't bother with the comments because I get it in the RSS feed (haha). Hence this reply, to see what was up and because John asked.

There are problems with the RSS feed being suspended that go beyond "I don't want to click one more time" (which seems kind of lame, IMO).

I use my feed reader because it's a way to catch up on sites while I'm on a low-powered connection or offline. I spend a lot of my week killing time where there's no internet connection, so I download my feed before I leave the house. I also access my feed from my Blackberry when I'm on the go, as another commenter mentioned.

Another reason people use RSS is to set limits on the time they spend surfing the web. I'm sure there are more reasons I haven't thought of too.

However, when it really gets down to the nitty gritty, I and probably many others would be satisfied just getting a note in RSS when there's been an update, even if we have to click through. We may not be able to check Cake Wrecks at work, school, or on the go, but in the end it's just an inconvenience and not a dealbreaker.

One suggestion would be to make a bare-bones, mobile version of the site. I don't know how plausible that is or how difficult it would be because it's on Blogger. But it would help mobile and bad-connection users out in the absence of an RSS feed.

Also, hearing about the plagiarism is awful, and I don't mean to downplay it at all, but is there really any doubt as to who owns and originates the material? Jen has a published book, and Cake Wrecks is pretty well known. I guess I'm just trying to say, I hope you guys are doing more than just taking down the RSS feed to combat this if it's causing you damage. Regardless, we the fans are behind you 100% of the way.

I know the lag in load time is a pain for those folks using mobile devices. I actually found out that, with an average load time of 5+ seconds, we are considered to be "very slow." Which I blame on Blogger. We really are still working out the options but I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your comment. We knew we would get some backlash from this.

Another vote for full feed. To those who asked, I subscribe to about 100 blogs, newspapers, and other sites. If every one did this, I'd spend my entire day on the Internet rather than the hour or so it now takes me to get through the day's articles (many of which are important for work and school).

I enjoy this site a lot but will have to bid it goodbye if things stay this way. If there were only one site on the web, it would be awesome if it were this one! But it's not the only site out there and I can't give it more consideration than I give any other.

Thanks for listening, thanks for the site, and I'll keep my subscription for a while in the hopes you'll find another way (there are many out there, I'm sure you're already looking into them). But I just can't click through every time.

Another vote that limited RSS is fine. I'm not in a position that I can't click through or clicking through takes too long, so I don't mind a bit. Like someone mentioned above, a limited RSS post at least lets us know that we need to check the main page!

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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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