Blooming Eventually

She Who (Eventually) Blooms

Me: mother, wife and writer recently sideswiped by 40. The writer part used to come first, the 40 used to be a 30, and marriage and motherhood were abstract activities I thought I’d try someday. Growing up. If only it was the thrill promised when we were six.
I started this blog two years ago to chronicle my quest to publish a book. Who would have dreamed it would actually work? I have two books coming out this year. Far out. Still, this living-and-succeeding thing is experimental theatre, and the question remains—will I bloom, eventually? Or will I ditch the whole writing thing, adopt a xanax habit, abandon my own identity and live the rest of my life vicariously through my children? Hmm, let’s find out.

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Big Plans For Nothing

Nothing like vacation to remind what matters, give perspective, recharge batteries just enough to make you think you should start getting up at 3 a.m. to a) write a book b) play the guitar c) meditate.

Not really. I’ve always been a firm believer that 3 a.m. is for sleeping. Chicken Little woke up at 4:45 this morning and that’s plenty early for me, thank you very much.

But I would like to do all of those things this summer, and each would have to be crammed in during some 3 a.m. equivalent: stolen from some other thing I am already doing—if not sleep, then work, kids, house, marriage, yoga.

But I don’t really want to cram in more. More is not the answer (see Judith Warner’s brilliant recent column). Especially not during the summer, the one time of the year when the single activity that should not be neglected is lying under a tree in a sleepy heap.

What I would like to do is fewer of the things that don’t serve me and more of the things that do. The problem is that when it comes down to my fleeting free moments, my mind decides that I should be doing something more productive than meditating or playing the guitar.

I need to remember that those activities make me happy, calm, whole and ready to do all of the other, more “productive” things. And are therefore worthwhile.

So that’s my summer goal--more of whatever the hell I want, less of that other stuff that manages to make itself so important when it really isn't. Anyone else want to play along?