Thursday, June 2, 2011

Datin' around.

Some would call it a trampy phase, I called it my time to experience new people and new things phase.

There is a huge difference from dating around and sleeping around. I simply dated various people, with no sexual connections. I did not need or want sex. This was a time of pure experience. After my break up with my girlfriend, I swore off dating of any sort, for a long while. I was confused, and had enough with long term dealings. I did not want to attach myself to someone else again. Not that I was completely letting go of the idea of committing to someone someday, at that time I merely needed a break from it all. Long term and I were taking a much needed break.

So I palled around with the adorable giant from work, who sadly as I later found out was a bit of a momma's boy and was lazy about thinking for himself. We parted ways and did the lame exchange of "we were better just friends". A few weeks later I started seeing the cute carefree surfer. It was fun and simple. Things were thought got complicated with him quick, I was not used to be pulled around like I was some rag doll. I didn't like it at all. So after two quick months things ended. After him I had so badly wanted to date another woman. I wanted to experience another woman, not that she would be anything like my first girlfriend, I knew I wanted someone different. I was done with stupid boys. I wanted someone that thought like me, and understood my feminine way of thinking.

I held back with this desire solely to please my parents. I knew they liked seeing me with anything with a penis. I figured coming out had done enough damage, and if I could spare them this pain, it was the right thing to do. I regret this choice. I was not at all done with my experiencing phase. I needed more. But then I met him. Now five months later, he is still around. He has used me to grow. Making small changes to his person hood, its amazing to be on the other end of the enlightenment process. Sometimes it's rough though, his male driven thought process is cold and insensitive at time, and makes me crave the compassion on another woman.

However I have come to understand relationships are work(duh), and I cant just act on my ever present urge to run. Some people fight with monogamy and try to mold themselves into this one-mate-for-life-person , for someone they love. Sometimes I think, I wasn't meant for one person always and forever. But with him, I want to attempt to mold myself, I disliked giving up so easily, as I had before. I have to give this all a chance.