5 Classic Cars Detroit Shouldn't Rebuild for the 21st Century

It's not just the new DeLorean: The Dodge Challenger, Ford Mustang Bullitt and now Chevrolet Camaro have returned, with even more can't-forget-it rides—muscle and otherwise—possibly coming back soon. But if the throwback trend continues, let's not ruin some of the all-time American favorites for the sake of selling more cars, argues Jalopnik's editor-in-chief in his monthly guest column for PM.

DETROIT -- The air here these days is so very retro. Faced with a struggling economy that has already squeezed the SUV market, domestic automakers have been working hard to build off their heritage--and tap into our pockets by pulling at our heartstrings. Earlier this month, I drove the new Dodge Challenger SRT8 and all the muscular might that came with it. Then, Monday morning, I watched the 2010 Chevy Camaro springing back to life. Next up, they'll be running from stoplight to stoplight down metro Detroit's famous Woodward Avenue, with new cars sporting less storied names, like Ford Fiesta, Chrysler Aspen and, potentially, El Camino. But not every model from yesteryear deserves another chance to be great. Here are my nail-in-the-coffin picks for the legendary nameplates that should never--ever--see the light of Michigan's summer sun again.

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5. Pontiac Fiero

This is what happens when you mix John DeLorean's vision for a sleek, sporty, midengined two-seater with General Motors bean counters' desires for a cheap, fuel-efficient and, um, cheap econobox. Sure, DeLorean's designs may look great in stainless steel and with a flux capacitor in the back seat, but on a smaller scale, in painted plastic cladding, the Fiero looked like the epitome of budget. But it wasn't just the exterior that came penny-pinched. The Fiero borrowed liberally from the parts bins of other GM economy cars such as the Pontiac Phoenix, the Chevy Citation and even the lowly Chevette. The Fiero may have received a resurgence in interest later in life. Why? Because the plastic body panels afforded tasteless Fiero aficionados the ability to rebody the car into all manner of exotic look-alikes-yuck. The name Fiero should never again adorn another vehicle.

4. Dodge Colt

Coming to life as a captive import from Mitsubishi in the early 70s, the Colt began as a twin to the Japanese automaker's well-regarded Galant and Lancer. The first generations were great front-engine, rear-wheel-driven compacts. They were even capable enough to compete in international rally competitions. When Chrysler hit its financial downturn at the end of the 1970s, the Colt moved to the front-wheel-drive Mitsubishi Mirage platform, and that spunky little compact became a malaise-era econobox. Later iterations would include a Plymouth hatchback version, which succeeded only in compounding the miserable fate of this nameplate until it finally shuffled off its mortal coil in the early 90s.

3. Pontiac Grand Am

Pontiac may once have built excitement in the 60s and 70s with the GTO, Firebird and Trans Am, but when it came to midsize sedans, the brand has struggled. The original Grand Am was Pontiac's answer to European luxury sport sedans, and with its big all-V8 engine lineup, it delivered. Unfortunately, rising fuel prices forced the Grand Am to be discontinued first in 1975, and then again in 1980 after a short two-year run. It probably should have stayed dead. Instead, Pontiac brought back the Grand Am badge in 1985 on their version of a GM platform shared with the Oldsmobile and Buick brands. Although the name was probably dead the moment a GM executive said, "Hey, Grand Am would be a great name for our version of an Oldsmobile," any public desire was destroyed the moment this formerly performance-minded nameplate received an engine lineup topping out at 125 hp.

2. Chrysler Cordoba

First introduced in 1975 as a two-door luxury car, the Cordoba was one of Chrysler's few hits during the 1970s. It was nicely styled, well-proportioned and handled as gracefully as anything else in the segment. Heck, it even had a great price point, designed to compete with the Chevy Monte Carlo and Ford Elite (a cheaper Thunderbird). But in terms of luxury, the Cordoba was really in competition with the Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. But it was actor Ricardo Montalban, and his lush vocal stylings in Chrysler's commercials, that made us believe no other car could ever wear the Cordoba name again. At least, not unless it too has a soft Corinthian-leather interior.

1. Ford Probe

The Probe began as a design exercise between Ford and Italian coachbuilder Ghia starting in the 70s. In the mid-1980s, the fifth concept car between the two companies was applied to a new car to be built jointly by Ford and Japanese automaker Mazda. Initially, this car was supposed to be the next-generation Ford Mustang. But after enthusiasts balked at the proposed replacement, this front driver became the Probe. While Ford had hoped the Probe would sell as well as the Mustang, it never hit those lofty sales goals. Some say it's because the styling was too modern. I happen to believe that no car should ever be named after an invasive medical procedure. And that's why the Probe sits atop this list.