I usually have *at least* two pairs of shoes with me: my pair for commuting and the pair I change into for work. I had to smile and document the 1/2 way point of this daily ritual featuring my comfy Vans and my new peep-toe heels from ModCloth that finally arrived this week.

I went to see burlesque queen Dita Von Teese and her lovely friends on the second of their two night tour stop in Portland. Needless to say, it was a feast for mine eyes! I’m still processing all of the glam and glitter…. and pasties.

These type of shows ignite a lot of feelings in me. Part of me is tense watching women parade around in silly costumes as nothing more than spectacles of desire; equally though, I adore the glitz and glamor, the make-up and hair, the SHOW BIZ. I’m not of the belief that the feminist and feminine must be mutually exclusive. This particular show made a concerted effort to showcase a wide range of body types, races, and even physical disabilities. All of the performers, no matter what size, were up on stage, completely owning their power as sexual beings… and appearing to have the time of their lives doing so.

I had a great time and Dita & Co. gained a new fan. Many thanks to my friend SB for taking me along! xo

New kitschy obsession: deer!!
“Deer” is my last name spelled backwards, a fact I discovered right around the time I learned that “Anna” is a palindrome [the wonders of youth!]. I found the porcelain dish below at Lodekka a few months ago and it now sits on the radiator in my bathroom and holds a few rings. I love the sweet deer family pictured in the top right corner.

I’m going to start looking out for tiny deer figurines and start a collection [results will be documented of course!]. Here are a few cuties via Etsy:

The following is a line from a reeding we did in class [we were to choose the line(s) that spoke to us from the larger piece], and my accompanying response:

“The trick is to leave yourself behind,
to disguise yourself
in the unselfconscious body
of a woman you always meant to be..”
– From “In Another Country”

This line speaks to me because I want to be “that woman,” the unselfconscious one that I think someday I’ll let go enough to find. I’ll release a bit of control, loosen my white knuckle grip, and embrace all things intuitive. I’ll figure out what I actually like and don’t like vs. what I “should”- the “shoulda, woulda, couldas” that guide me. I’ll be more spontaneous. I’ll love without so much hesitation. I’ll make definitive choices and deal with the outcomes head-on, in a timely manner. But what if – until I can truly reach this point – I could adopt a disguise as recommended in this piece? I’ve often tried to approach uncomfortable situations as an actress, stepping out and shedding my multiple inhibitions to assume the role of the woman in the unselfconscious body. Do I dare leave that which allows me the illusion of self-control? Fear of the unknown keeps me thwarted, from embodying the woman I mean to be, the one I wish others to see me as. If I take on this guise, would it eventually either meld with my old, fearful/timid persona or completely take me over – a make-over of the grandest, least superficial sort? Either way, seems like a win. One step closer towards being the woman I aspire to be.