What To Say In A First Message Online Dating

What To Say In A First Message Online Dating

There she is, smiling in her photo, seemingly right at you. You have so much in common, you both even like that same quirky movie that not many people have heard about. You have a new message open, ready to send her the letter that is going to have her look at your profile and realize she wants to get to know you immediately.

So, what do you say?

This is obviously an attractive girl with tons of people messaging her every day. Every time she opens her mailbox, she has to wade through people sending the standard “Hey baby ur cute!” and “Sup?” while rolling her eyes at the seas of losers out there. You aren’t one of those losers, though. How do you stand out so that she knows to write you back?

Sound like an adult

Studies have shown that people who use netspeak words like “ur” and “wat” are 40% less likely to get a response. However, messages written using correct english get 37% more responses than average. This doesn’t mean you should sound like a term paper, though. Be relaxed and straight-forward, letting her know you are interested without sounding like a little kid trying to sound cool to his friends.

Say “hi” differently

If you use the standard “hey”, “hi”, or “sup?”, when she opens her mailbox you get classified into the dozens of other messages that say the exact same thing. Keep it casual and use the opportunity to show a little personality. “How’s it going?” or even “Howdy”, if you are a little more rough and tumble, can help you get a second glance.

Don’t say she’s hot

Your first instinct is going to tell her she’s “sexy” or “beautiful” or “hot”. What a better way to let her know you are interested! Well, that’s also everyone else’s first instinct, and her inbox is flooded with those messages. If you want to look like another fish in that sea of losers, go for it. Otherwise, you are going to need to dig a little deeper.

Find something you both like

Girls are flooded with messages from guys who glanced at their picture and sent them a message telling them they are hot. This feels like guys are flooding the market, trying to win a numbers game. And they are right. You aren’t like that, though. You actually read the little profile she wrote and found out you like the same music, or went to the same event, or like the same food. Be specific. By simply showing that you looked beyond her photo, you are head and shoulders above 90% of the guys out there. Not only that, it gives you a great topic to start your conversation, as it’s already something you know she’s interested in.

Don’t get cocky

This is a first message. If you start off by talking about how awesome you are, she is immediately going to be turned off. This is not the time to strut around like a peacock, hoping she thinks you are awesome, too. Once you’ve shown that you have some interest in her, ask a question. Be humble. Let her come to you instead of trying to force your greatness on her. Online, even the worst girls have their pick of the litter, and you want to be the one she picks, not the one that’s yelling in her face.

Stay away from controversy

It can easily seem like a great way to get a response from someone is to say something really controversial. Be it politics, religion, or even the local sports team. If you get a rise out of her, she’s sure to respond, right? Wrong. If she does respond, she’s likely to be on heightened guard, because you started off too strong. Most of the time, however, they just move right past it, thinking about what an idiot that person is, and how happy they are that they don’t have to deal with them in person.

End with a question

If someone walked by you, barked “I like that band!” at you, and kept walking, you would probably think they were a little strange. It probably wouldn’t cross your mind to chase them down and try to start a conversation. This is what girls online deal with on a daily basis from guys who don’t know what to do. When you reach out to someone, your entire goal is just to start a conversation. That conversation is how you get to know whether or not this person is worth your time, since one quick statement won’t tell you that. You want to get to know the entire person.

How do you start that conversation? With an invitation, gilded and ready to receive a response. The way you send this invitation is by simply asking a question. This gives her something to reply to, and a simple way to reach back out to you. It doesn’t have to be a fancy question. In fact, the simpler the better. Just ask her what she thinks about something specific about the thing in common you already brought up.

Don’t get long-winded

Whenever a girl opens up her inbox and sees an 8 page letter from someone, their first thought is “what a freak”. This is quickly followed up with “there’s no way I’m committing the amount of time required to read this when I have a ton of other messages from seemingly normal people.” Now, they may get around to reading it if they are bored and want a laugh, but there’s no way you will get a good response from a message like that.

Keep your messages short and simple. Three sentences at the absolute most. Start with a greeting, point out something you have in common, and finish with a question about what she thinks to start the conversation. Keep it just long enough to pique her interest, but short enough that she wants to find out more. Now you’ve put your best foot forward and seriously increased your chances of standing out and hearing back from that dream girl getting flooded by messages.