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It's Fun to Play the Piano ... Please Pass It On!

If this was my student, I would talk to the parents. The suggestion to choose another instrument is right. There has been a lot of research concerning the way how children choose their instrument. Not everyone feels attracted to every instrument. For example, I never looked at anything else than piano, but my two younger sisters would never have wanted to choose it. For both of them, it was only the violin and nothing else. According to the studies, the choice of instrument depends on the sound, the way it's played and hold, etc.

If your sister goes on with the piano, she might very soon stop it anyway and then have lost any interest at all for music.

Don't let us forget that music should be made because it's something we love. Learning an instrument should be most of all based on a deep love for music. If she is so struggling with the piano, there's certainly no space for the love of music. Instead, the struggle stands first and will, even after she may have stopped, be the only thing she remembers about her experiences with music.

I think that your sister at the age of nine is old enough to stand up by herself to her parents. I suggest she first talks to her teacher, tells him/her how she feels. Maybe her teacher can help her pick another instrument she could love so much that learning it wouldn't be such a struggle. Also, the teacher should talk to the parents. She/he is the expert here and hopefully your parents will listen to her/him.

PS: I forgot to say: Playing no instrument at all is okay, too. Isn't it most important that she does something she truly loves? This could be any kind of sports, dancing,... or fotography, or writing, or whatever.....

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The piano keys are black and white, But they sound like a million colours in your mind. (Katie Melua)

I would agree that none of us know this girl so can't possibly say what the right thing to do is. That decision lies with the parents.

About children choosing the instrument. I work in a small school where children regularly switch from one instrument to another at a whim. They get nowhere on any of them because their parents think its enough to let them choose what they want to do and how much (or little) they want to practice.

When I was 9 I nearly gave up several times. I was playing difficult music for a 9 year old and it was time consuming. My parents thankfully wouldn't let me quit because they knew it was something I was good at and would use and enjoy later in life. I'm grateful for being 'forced' to continue.

And now I teach lots of 9 year olds facing the same decision. Some of them should be allowed to quit and some shouldn't, it depends on the circumstances.

Sometimes we don't like something because our life is out of balance. Too much of anything is no good. I have never ever heard anyone who gave up playing the piano ever saying they were glad they quit playing the piano. On the contrary, 99.9999999 percent of the people who quit, regret it for the rest of their life.

It is interesting that people don't usually say why they quit.

In our lifetime, we receive gifts, some people just don't care about that.

Your sister has the gift of a piano to play, someone paying her lessons. Most of the world would love to be in herposition.

Currently she's playing AMEB Fifth grade pieces. She likes the pieces, but she simply doesn't enjoy practicing them, and she gets irritated at herself when she plays some notes incorrectly. TBH, I think she's progressing well (I was 10 when I did my AMEB 3rd grade. >,<). I'll discuss the matter with my parents and my sister. Ty for your opinion.

Originally Posted By: Morodiene

Does she have any interest in studying a different instrument? I agree it's not for you to get involved in,...

Originally Posted By: Morodiene

...and if she doesn't love it then it's actually torture to make her do it.

Originally Posted By: Fostergirl

Perhaps she would like to sing?

Originally Posted By: pianomouse

PS: I forgot to say: Playing no instrument at all is okay, too. Isn't it most important that she does something she truly loves? This could be any kind of sports, dancing,... or fotography, or writing, or whatever.....

In answer to these questions, there is something she likes, which I'm really hoping she'll take up seriously - Art. Right now, we're both taking art lessons as our mother saw that lil sis loves drawing (my . The art lessons are fun, which I believe makes the difference between her liking piano and art.

Originally Posted By: Michael 99

What you've said is absolutely true. If I had quit piano when I was 9, I would've regretted it so much. My parents think that if she continues, she might end up like me and enjoy piano.

Originally Posted By: childofparadise2002

But I'm not optimistic about you being able to change your parents mind, to be honest. Another thing to try is to support your sister, try to help her make the practice fun, pace it so that the practice is more tolerable. Maybe talk to the teacher (if the teacher is not of the same mentality as your parents) and see if the teacher can help your parents see how meaningless it is to force art on someone.

Originally Posted By: AZNpiano

Some parents, driven by their own childhood deprivation of piano lessons, might be too tunnel-visioned to comprehend the points you've made.

Originally Posted By: Morodiene

The point is, not everyone is going to love piano (I know, it seems really odd to me) and no matter what you can't make someone love something, or even like it. Just because you're good at it doesn't mean anything. Personally, I would say let her quit piano and see if she ever returns to it. It is possible it's hard for her to like it because she's forced into doing it and when she finally has freedom to choose, she may return to it. Or perhaps she really does hate it and will never go back.

Trying to convince my parents is like trying to build Rome in a day. I need to take a long time to convince them, as AZNpiano sad, they are quite tunnel-visioned about her taking lessons and becoming what they could never become. Giving her freedom to play piano would never happen, as they believe that constant practice reaps results. -.-

Thank you all for your opinions, they were very helpful. Might I add one more point, which although small, is a major factor in her being unable to enjoy piano and subsequently forced to practice - My little sister is afraid of difficulty and having to work very hard.

I have never ever heard anyone who gave up playing the piano ever saying they were glad they quit playing the piano. On the contrary, 99.9999999 percent of the people who quit, regret it for the rest of their life.

It is interesting that people don't usually say why they quit.

In our lifetime, we receive gifts, some people just don't care about that.

Your sister has the gift of a piano to play, someone paying her lessons. Most of the world would love to be in herposition.

I've been reading this thread with a bit of amusement. Of course, the old proverb, there is nothing new under the sun, applies. We've had this thread before, with similar answers. But what got me chuckling is that yesterday, I ran into yet one more adult who, upon learning I teach piano, stated in no uncertain terms: I wish my parents hadn't let me quit. I wish they would have forced me to practice (more). What teacher hasn't heard this a thousand times a thousand in their lifetime?

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"Those who dare to teach must never cease to learn." -- Richard Henry DannFull-time Private Piano Teacher offering Piano Lessons in Olympia, WA. www.mypianoteacher.comCertified by the American College of Musicians; member NGPT, MTNA, WSMTA, OMTA

"I wish I worked harder" ... We all have perfect hindsight! Many people in this world wish they have the will power to work harder and be really good at something, but in reality very few are really willing to put in the effort when the opportunity presents. So I wouldn't take this too seriously...

"I wish I worked harder" ... We all have perfect hindsight! Many people in this world wish they have the will power to work harder and be really good at something, but in reality very few are really willing to put in the effort when the opportunity presents. So I wouldn't take this too seriously...

Thanks for the reply. I think that she was just PMSing and being a drama queen that day when I made the thread. Right now, she's fine and dandy with practicing.

It is such a gift to LEARN how to work through things that are difficult. When my daughter is frustrated with piano, she talks to her older brother and he re-phrases what she is trying to do and once the frustration level edges lower, she is more open to learning.

I think there are cycles too - when things are easy and come easily, when you have a minor roadblock, it can feel major (so they want to quit).

Just an idea, but maybe if you played some things together it might make piano more fun again.

And pretty much every kid has bratty moments. For girls though 9 is a "stage" that is hard.

Keep encouraging her to tackle things that are hard. By middle school many girls give up on things that are difficult - math, science, sports. with support at home, they are more apt to stick with it.

Sorry to croak again chaps ... but in view of Debussyist not making much piano progress, muddling through keyboard studies of truly dusty value, and feeling the draught of unbending Asian parents ...

My advice is 1. Cut the bogus chatter about the younger sister2. Send the parents away to visit distant relations3. Go outside and smell the roses4. Read a good book about Debussy (my favourite)5. Once refreshed take a new look at a masterpieceChopin Nocturne in F# major op15 no2 (changed due to my technical inadequacy)We are all here to provide assistance ... just mentionany one of your keyboard studies, and just where thehangup lies ... and quick as a flash the cavalry will save the day.

PS Even Beethoven’s first sonata Opus 2/1 can be approachedwith a constructive eye ... being of solid proportions .

What busts my gut are those buzzing insectivorous stings as at measure 1... a clue as to the influence of his mentor Papa Haydn ... but it’s not long before Beethoven starts building a repetitious small chord layout in the LH supporting a broad octave chord Theme in the RH ... as earlier said, the 2/1 series of sonatas were dedicated to Haydn.

"I wish I worked harder" ... We all have perfect hindsight! Many people in this world wish they have the will power to work harder and be really good at something, but in reality very few are really willing to put in the effort when the opportunity presents. So I wouldn't take this too seriously...

Thanks for the reply. I think that she was just PMSing and being a drama queen that day when I made the thread. Right now, she's fine and dandy with practicing.

Also, where's the teacher in all of this? He/she has spent four years of single lessons with the girl... don't they talk? The girl might want to play completely different music, have fun lessons... Why does she have to pass exams? Would a change of teacher help?

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The piano keys are black and white, But they sound like a million colours in your mind. (Katie Melua)

However there is nothing to say that studying music for graded exams can't be fun and in my experience offering the choice of alternative music rarely makes any difference. Most music which sounds good and is enjoyable to play is also difficult to learn in the first place. If you dumb things down it doesn't become more stimulating.

Also, where's the teacher in all of this? He/she has spent four years of single lessons with the girl... don't they talk? The girl might want to play completely different music, have fun lessons... Why does she have to pass exams? Would a change of teacher help?

Right now, the teacher is going to give her supplementary lessons, adue to the teacher's observation that while my sister knows how to play the pieces, she doesn't take the time to perfect it. These supplementary lessons are to help her to makes those perfections eg. Dynamics, phrasing, touching, etc.

We homeschooled. They both knew that people use math. in life, and they wanted to learn math.

Since you asked.

Children have a natural drive to explore some interests and will devote a huge amount of time to them. (I think this is true of most of them, anyway) This is by far the best motivation. All you have to do is get out of the way, and support their efforts.

I believe, and you are free to disagree with me, that there also exist some necessary skills that the same children will not be interested in, and that it is our job as parents to make some of those decisions for them. I required my children to take four years of math in high school. Neither of them would have done that on their own. Had they not done that, they would have disqualified themselves from 90% of today's careers. They might never have wanted those careers - and in fact neither child went on to a technical education - but they had a choice they otherwise would not have had. Similarly I required an exposure to music lessons in middle school. They dropped them later, but retained enough of the language to have some options to explore later in that realm as well.

I would also point out that peer pressure is hugely effective, and I've been impressed in the local high school that some of the talented music students were as popular as the athletes of my day. We are making some progress.

Quote:

There are no "superior choices".

No........but maybe too much specialization at an early age is not prudent? I like the well rounded student model, maybe I'm old fashioned.

_________________________
"Those who dare to teach must never cease to learn." -- Richard Henry DannFull-time Private Piano Teacher offering Piano Lessons in Olympia, WA. www.mypianoteacher.comCertified by the American College of Musicians; member NGPT, MTNA, WSMTA, OMTA

TimR, the things you describe is not the kind of parenting I was talking about, and the behaviours you describe are not the ones that are the result. Just because you see good results in what you do, does not mean that those of us who did differently will get bad results - or the ones you describe. You talk about specialization --- when did I ever recommend early specialization? If we as a group are open minded about different possibilities, maybe there could be some benefit to that. I'm sorry that I mentioned anything.

Here to receive the final diploma from the Royal Conservatory of Music Toronto for orchestral instruments you have to complete Level 6 Piano for the Performer's certificate and Level 8 for the Teaching one. And in a few years, teaching an instrument and/or accompanying can make far better money for a teen than say, flipping burgers. :-) And it's good to keep the options open, plus here most universities will exempt you from piano skills classes if you have say, Level 4-6 RCM. But definitely encourage study of a different instrument and popular repertoire.

If I were the parent that was "driving" this whole thing. I would change my approach to this.

I would explain, as best you can to a 9 year old, that my wishing for her to become somewhat skilled at playing piano is based on things she knows nothing about yet but when she does know, it may be too late to achieve it.

So, I would bargain with her.

I would arrange to have an instructor who will cooperate with me and create some sort of incentive track for my daughter whereas she gets to take a long vacation (2 months) off from piano after she is able to reach a defined level of skill ... who knows how that will be judged ... but it must be reachable in 2 - 4 months.

If you have the right relationship with your daughter, I think this could work. You cannot jam it down her throat. This is just one option. But I would be reluctant to just let her quit. You only have about 6 or 7 years left to get her to a place where she might just start enjoying it and then she will take off on her own.

I told my kids they had to do two years of music, any kind of music, that it was a mandatory skill just like math or reading.

The older one made it through one year of piano lessons then bargained to drop piano and join the track team. The younger one made it through one year of band, then made a deal to drop band for chorus, and then the school cancelled chorus after her schedule was fixed.

The kids were smarter than Daddy, which isn't hard.

Although, I still think I was right. <g>

Years later the older one started subbing in a handbell choir - doesn't have to her notes, still reads music and counts better than the experienced ringers. The younger one now has performed in musicals, writes her own songs, and plays ukulele. Enough of that one year stuck to make a difference.

You cannot know whether such choices created the outcome, or if outcomes happen despite choices.

One of my kids started an instrument, then asked to wait until later, so we did. He started again two years later, got top marks in music at a special high school, and then entered music in university. So you forced your kids for two years. I gave my kids total freedom. Does it prove anything?

Absolutely agree. Those are anecdotal examples. They prove nothing. I do believe, however, that the more you interact with your children and give them the sense that what they "think" matters, the more likely your children will grow up to make good decisions. That is as I said, what I believe. Even that may not be true ... just a sense.

The main thing is that they grow up with good values and learn to make good decisions. Giving them a say in things, I think, helps foster that.

So do you think she should continue? She's been pianoing for 4 years, always angry at the piano and always happy when she gets an A in her exams. I don't know what to do or how to help.

Before quitting I would suggest your parents find another piano teacher and definitely drop the AMEB curriculum in favor of some other repertoire selections. If the teacher is fixated on the AMEB series it is for the teacher's lazy decision making, not your sister's musical engagement with enthusiasm. In other words, give it another shot from a completely different perspective.

Your sister should have far more options in the selection of the music she learns. As it is, she is on someone else's assembly line, and who would want that?

And if music is such a high priority with your parents, why must it only be the piano? Perhaps your sister would have more fun belonging to a quality youth choir.