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Helen - posted on 11/22/2009

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I have slapped, well, tapped, my twelve month old's hand - and then felt awful. She can be a really naughty minx, when otherwise 90% of the time she's as good as gold. But, when I do anything else I can think of, ie, a sharp NO! or loudly shouting her name, moving her away (she crawls back), etc, she finds it funny, particularly when I say no now. I don't know what to do, please help! what are your suggestions? Thank you.

i started wen my son was bout 11mths old and started walkin, cos he wud go 4 things that were in his reach now, if he wudnt listen to NO he wud get a tap to get his attention bk on me and wat i was sayin. I think its ok to smack the backside or tap the hands but only wiv ur own hand, sum ppl wont agree with this, my son is now 2 and if he is doing sumfin he nos he is not allowed, i just have to ask him if he wants a smack, he says no and stops doing wat he is doing. Give a warning or 3 and then if he cont tap the hand and eplain that the smack was for touchin or not listening, he will learn eventually that everythin u do is to keep him safe, and then u shudnt need the smack or tap, just warnings. GL, this is a hard topic

A little slap or a finger flick does not teach children to hit---LOL or there would be a total population over 30 that would hit! Sometimes you do need to set boundaries with a child as young as 8 months about touching hot oven, removing the child may work with some,but if you have a strong willed child you will be tested on all things --ALL THE TIME! Go with want you feel is right.. God Bless

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Lauren - posted on 08/17/2012

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my daughter is constantly clibing the tv unit and turning off the satelight soi give her quick little taps on the top of her had while i repeat no, then i place her away from the things she isnt suposed to touch. I don't really believe in hitting a child who doesnt really understand much of what is going on and is just trying to learn and explore but I do believe in teaching her that no means no

Ya'll are going to think I am crazy but my daughter will be 9 months old in a few days and I have been tapping her hand since she thought it was funny after I told her no to look at me and do it anyway. she got her hand tapped for the first time after she tore up my blinds when I told her no.

wow your going to think im crazy lol but i started tapping my sons hand when he started crawling an was able to get into stuff. no mom is going to beable to give you a great answer cuz everyone feels different about punishing there children , an its all up to on what age an when to do, just no its most not liking going to hurt him, alls a hand tap does is scare them a little but really it just hurts there feelings

thats when i started too lol, as soon as they are old enough to start touching things they are not supposed to. and no i didnt hurt him either, just to get his attention.

Slapping hands do not work it only teaches them that hitting is ok... My son now thinks when he does something wrong that it is OK to hit me.. And he is now 16 months old.. So instead i redirect his attention to something else... That seems to work much better.. A lot of times the only reason they get into stuff they are not suppose to is because they want our attention.

When my children were little I used to slap their hands and my daughter used to hit us back!! Now i work in childcare I have found just holding their hand and saying "UM-AH" or their name firmly is enough. Children as young as 18mths can respond a time-out, as with my youngest of my littlies (they are all betw 18mths and 2 1/2) he is removed from the situation and sat away from everyone and told why....and believe me he knows what he's done :) Slapping generally leads to smacking and then on to yelling and children do learn to copy everything we do....and will do it in the most public of places or the worst of times!! Hope this helps.

yep, i agree my boy is 3 now and he is one of the naughty ones at day care and i believe it has been from the slap every now and then when he was naughty. Now he thinks it isi ok to do it to others, there is no control over his emotions and how to handle them. Now i have a lot of work to reverse it.

I don't feel right about slapping my daughter or spanking her, but that's just me. I think it's important with a toddler not to set them up for failure. Is there any way you can remove the things that he's getting into that make you think of slapping his hands in the first place?

I started squeeze/swatting when my daughter became mobile (crawling), then at 18 mos. we started time out at the front door. I chose the door, because everyone has a front door and it would be a consistent place anywhere we went.

With the squeeze/swat we I didn't always remove my daughter from where she was, but instead handed her something WAS acceptable to touch. It wasn't that she was in the wrong place (i.e. next to the DVD/VCR buttons) but that she wasn't supposed to touch or push the buttons. If she did not comply a second time, then another squeeze/swat was given and she was removed from that area. If it escalated, I used isolation (crib or pack-n-play). Safety is the top priority!!

Exactly. I run a child care. I can tell you that if you slap, tap, etc., YOU are teaching your child a behavior that will get him into trouble! I had a parent that would play with her son,saying "oh, your so cute, I am going to just eat you up!" and playfully bite at his neck, saying "yum, yum, yum..." Well, guess what? He started biting. She had to stop and undo the damage. Could it have been a coincidence? Sure. But, we model the behavior our children will have. So, think about natural consequences when they apply, remove the child from the situation, or the situation from the child! You are right on track!

Wow. This is a heated topic with very diverse opinions. I have raised my children in a home child care, that I run, since their births. I also have a degree in child development and am working towards a degree in education currently. We are not allowed to hit, slap, etc. the children in care, including our own. I was spanked myself as a child, and do not see that it is totally harmful, but being that we cannot use any form of corporal punishment, I have learned to always do either of these things: ONE-remove the child from the situation, or TWO-remove the situation from the child. It really can be that simple. So, if you cannot "babyproof" a particular aspect, as it is not your home, etc., simply remove the child from the situation. When you do hit your child, you do actually teach them that hitting is a way of communicating displeasure for a situation. Your life, and your child's will actually be smoother by just applying those two concepts. Save hitting, spanking, your child for when he tries to dart out in the street or something very severe, then it will not be overused and really get his attention. I know people will say he needs to learn to not to touch, etc., but really, Supervision should always be in place and keeping your child safe is not his job, it is the parent's job. So, you babyproof, try not to say "no" all the time, say things like, "hot!", or "bites!", "Owie", "Sharp," etc.,things that reinforce a message of WHY we do not touch, rather than "No" and slap. Remember, you will not always be there for your child as they grow up, so teaching them to self control their behaviors is the goal here. You use the years that they are small as time to teach concepts that they can take with them as they get older and do not have you around. I hope this helps. My children are now 19, 12, and 10, and are awesome children that the teachers ALWAYS praise and love, as I have worked with them by modeling the behaviors I want, and they are great boys! Hope this helps.

*This* mom doesn't. I think it's degrading and unecessary. Would you _really_ trust your child around something dangerous and trust that he can control his impulses because he may remember somewhere in the back of his mind that you're going to slap him? No, I don't think so.

Children grow out of the exploratory grabby stage whether slapped or not. So why start?

You remove him from the situation, or remove the object and replace it with something he can have, distract, and redirect.

Why would you slap your child hands or as some of you are saying "tap?" You can sugar coat it all you won't to but that is cruel!!! Your child will live what he learns. What happens when he goes to daycare or school and smacks another child on the hand? I have two children, my oldest is six and my youngest is two. When my two year old starts getting into something or begins taking stuff out of another ones hands she is immediately stopped, made to apologize, then she has to go sit on her bed in time out. When I first started time outs with her I would have to stand at the door and if she got up I would remind her she is in time out and she needed to go sit back down. 2 months later she knows what time out is and what she is supposed to do and we very seldom have problems. Kids crave boundaries and rules, even though it doesn't seem like it. Each kid will respond differently you just have to figure out where to cut them off at. My 6 year old still goes to time out but we set a timer for her. Her time doesn't start until she gets quiet and if she talks or gets up it starts over. We put it in the room where she can see and it has made a world of difference in her. She is the type of child that always has to have the last word and we had to learn to not to say anything to her. This way she can't argue and add fuel to the fire. And buddy she knows, it takes her two seconds to quit do something when I say her whole name. There is no need in slapping or tapping your child's hand. After all kids teach us as much as we teach them.

Hi there my advice would be NOT to slap your child's hand. I have three kids age 13 5 and 3 and have no need to slap them at anytime. Once you start showing him that the way to express yourself when someone does something you don't want them to is to get physical, it is really hard to expect the child to not do this when other children or adults do something that upsets them. At my daughters kindergarten they really struggle with violence from other children who lash out as this is how they have been shown, by example, how to respond. I recommend baby proofing your home socket covers, fireguards, safety glass, and stair gates, and never leave children alone with pets at a young age. It's small price to pay for respect and piece of mind where your darlings are concerned. ;-)

I know it's hard, try to resist. They love to copy us! What you do to them will teach them it's okay to do it to others.

I couldn't agree more, Sharina. It takes a lot more time and patience but there are other ways of getting your child's attention. Getting at eye level and talking to your son will also teach him great communication skills.

Thanks so much guys. I really shouldn't say slap but thats the only word i could think of. He's def one of the hard headed babies :) I just think it's gonna take a little longer for him to learn what he can't get into...

I am like Ashley. I started tapping my son's hand as soon as he started crawling and finding wires to pull. I use to look at him sternly and tell him no, but that made no difference. He would continue to pull at the wire until I tap him on his hands.

I have had to occasionally slap my daughter's hand as early as 9 months because she wouldn't leave the outlet alone, and was stubborn enough to go back to it 10 times in 15 minutes. I usually reserve it for when she's reaching for things that will hurt her, or when she has been told, redirected, moved, etc over and over and over on the same thing.

As an older mom, and now a grandmother, I actually think it's not okay to slap a child's hand unless he's doing something that is dangerous. Even then a good firm "NO" usually works at that age. My daughter started slapping my grandson's hands and he quickly learned how to slap her back (which, of course, got him in even bigger trouble)!First time a firm "NO", and if he/she continues to do it, especially if he's looking at you and doing it anyway, then smack his hand and tell him "NO". Obviously remove him from the situation and distract him with something else so he doesn't try to go and do it again. Some kids are hard-headed, but it usually works to redirect their attention onto something else more interesting.

I have a 11month old and a just turned 2 year old my eldest has never really had the need 2 be smacked till he was about 18 months old but my 11 month old i've found is really naughty and the same as ashely i 've been tapping his hand since he started crawlin. but each 2 there own do it when you feel it's the right time for you and you child to start the stage of disapline

It's hard to say because it varies. I use to slap my daughters hands until one day she hit her older cousin and I went to smack her hand and said " don't hit" which does'nt make alot of sense. So my opinion would be finding a different consequence or disclipine. Jessica

I started slapping my daughter's hands when she was about that age. But I ONLY do it if she's about to touch something dangerous (cleaning supplies I'm using at the time, knives if I'm emptying the dishwasher, etc etc). Otherwise if she's just getting into trouble I just use my voice I very loudly and sternly say her name to get her attention and then explain that it's a no no.

I think you're okay :) Little guys respond to a quick little tap faster because they are still testing the meaning of "no" "stop" etc. My guy is 2 now and I am moving away from slaps to time outs, now that he is big enough to understand the concept.

wow your going to think im crazy lol but i started tapping my sons hand when he started crawling an was able to get into stuff. no mom is going to beable to give you a great answer cuz everyone feels different about punishing there children , an its all up to on what age an when to do, just no its most not liking going to hurt him, alls a hand tap does is scare them a little but really it just hurts there feelings

So i have an 18 month old and i started slapping his hand as soon as he would look at me and do it anyway which was about a year old. I shouldnt say slap because i have never made his hand red it is more of a "Hey i said no and i got your attention so dont do it again" thing. Of course my son is a drama king and thinks i have ruined his whole life but it is the only way i have found to get his attention and to show i mean what i said. i hope that helps

Hi, my son is 13 months and i slap his hand when he does something really wrong, he has a habit of pulling wires out of things (really not good) so i just tap (not slap) the back of his hands and tell him no.