Aug 29, 2009

Its been a rough past couple of months for me. I dont want to start off with the "pity me" vibe, thats not what I'm looking for. I want to fill everyone in on whats going on and why I havnt been blogging. I made a promise to myself...this will not be a continual rant of mine, forever complaining about him.
2 months ago my husband came home, from a lengthy visit to IL where his family lives, and said our marriage is not working and where do we stand. I could see where he was coming from because our marriage has been a rough and bumpy road since he came back. (2 years ago he'd had an on ship affair and moved in with her when they came back from deployment, I was pregnant with E) Went thru counseling, trying to communicate but it boils down to his anger stood in the way of helping either of us heal. He is a very angry man and takes it out on everyone. Also, we were just not in love anymore. Neither of us. We basically decided mutually to raise our kids together and get along the best possible. Little did I know it went deeper with him. He'd decided to move on way before talking to me.
I found out by complete accident that he was in communication with an old high school girlfriend. Now, normally there wouldnt be an issue with this. According to his cell phone bill he'd been talking 20-30 times a day for long periods of time. It felt like a Deja Vu moment. Thats how his first affair started out. I did confront him about it and I glad for both of us he didn't deny he had feelings for her but refused to say if it went deeper, for obvious reasons.
At that time (about 2 weeks ago now) he demanded a divorce. But instead of talking about moving forward and what to do next, his discussions kept going to it was my fault and I didnt show enough love and we'd never be here if I treated him with affection. I can only roll my eyes at this, he threw the same lines at me when he abandoned us the first time. He's trying to justify in his mind what he's doing. And instead of moving on he refuses to leave the house, coming home every day from work complaining how miserable he is and he hates it here and how I disgust him. If he's so miserable why doesnt he leave? The anger got bad. It was to the point where I just had to ignore him. Anything I said would make him go off the deep end.
At one point he'd gone after A screaming at her about laundry.. SCREAMING! Of course I stepped in to sheild her from that. He lunged at me with fists raised saying he wanted to beat my head in.
This behavior was so not good for the girls to be witnessing and now I was scared for them and A was terrified of him. I'd had enough of his anger. I called his CO and filled him in and asked him to "direct" his sailor to find somewhere else to stay. I also told hubby if he got out of line again, there would be no "amicable divorce" like he's been begging me for. There would only be police and handcuffs involved on his part.
So now, today, he is finally leaving us in peace. 3 nights after being threatened to have my head beat in, a month after finding he's been "talking" to another woman, 9 years of anger, and 10 years of marriage later. I finally feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel for the girls when they go to visit him. He has no fathering skills, doesnt know how to take care of them and cant even remember his own daughter has allergies to dairy and soy! Add some anger in the mix when they start fighting and he cant handle it. I wish there was a way to sheild them from having to put up with his crap.
So thats my story and if you've reached the end with me, thanks for listening.
I am hoping by the end of summer, things will be back to as normal as possible and I can get back to business. Blogging and sewing. Both have suffered.
I wish everyone a happy weekend!

28 comments:

Oh honey. My heart hurts for you and those girls. I came by from SITS and had no idea what I would stumble upon. I am military and know how it can be during those deployments and he was wrong. Stay strong for the kids. I'll be around to check in on you.

You ARE shielding your girls by moving forward without him!!! It's not going to be easy but HANG IN THERE! BTW - I've met your DH several times and I gotta tell ya...you and your girls are better off without him! Stay strong & move on!

Reading this makes me think of my own father... who sounds very similar to your husband. Let me just say, that as a child (now adult) of divorced parents with a father like that, it is much better for me that he is no longer in my life. I know this sounds awful, but he was pretty terrible to my sister and me, and we really are better without him. He has his new life with his new family, and we don't ever hear from him. I am still hurt and a little messed up in the head, but I've moved on, and dealt with life as best as I knew how. My mom has always been there for me through good and bad, and my stepdad is very caring and supportive as well. I know you will decide what is best for your girls as far as how often they see/interact with their father. But just know that right now, you are taking a good step toward a better life for them without the added stress your husband brings. Divorce is hard on everyone involved, and it will be hard on your children as well. But sometimes it is the best and most necessary thing in a bad situation. Stay strong, and you'll get through it. I will be praying for you and your girls.

It's too bad you can't have this angry man out of your lives completely. Do whatever you can to protect yourself and the girls. He sounds like a complete fool. Too bad you had to put up with his "antics" for 10 years.

Oh my gosh, the first thing I thought was how proud of you I felt. I am so glad you took action to get him out and that it makes you feel better. It could only end in tears with him staying there as you had figured out. You're a great mom and a woman of strength and courage; it may not seem like much but we/I am here for you, anytime you want to talk or need to vent or cry. Life can only recover and get better from this point...you have no doubt, troubling times ahead, what with the divorce and an angry man to contend with plus the fact that the kids still need to see him but you've started your journey and that in itself offers hope and relief. I'm thinking of you. Anything you need, just ask. xx

I'm praying for your family, Dawn, and even for your husband who is apparently fighting his own set of circumstances. Obviously, he doesn't love himself either. Unfortunately, he may end up like my father...old, alone and filled with regrets. But hopefully he will eventually humble himself enough to ask forgiveness of you and his children (just don't hold your breath). I know how hard it is to let go especially with children. Keep your chin up and if you ever need to chat, I am no further than an email or a phone call if you need. {{{{Huggggs}}}} You CAN do this and be happy - I promise.

I am so sorry for what you have been through and what your girls will still go through with him. You're a great mom and a woman of strength and courage. I hope he can find peace with in himself so he can have a better life.

Hope you are doing better by now. Your children deserve so much more than what their dad could have shown, but at least they still have you. You and your kids will be each other's strength. I hope you find some peace after all that's happened.

Im new to your blog and I know you havent written in a while but Im praying for you and your family !If you would like come check out my blog and enter my current giveaway at littlemissheirlooms.blogspot.comI hope you decided to follow me because I try to bring my readers a new and AMAZING giveaway every Monday!XoPriscila

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My Life Story,,,, Condensed Version

Hello everyone! I'm Dawn, a stay at home mommy of 2 sassy little skirts, "B" and "E", and my 13 year old girl going on 30, "A". I am also the proud business owner of an online Boutique.My second love is sewing and if you know me, I have a small addiction (OBSESSION)to fabrics. Sit back, throw some food at the family pets (that would be our fishies) and get ready for an adventure!