There are times in life you can never perceive approaching. You might be advancing through the myriad of struggles that face us all, or maybe delighting in the serenity of a beautiful moment, but at some point, if you are lucky enough in this life, lightning will strike through the thunderstorm and electrify every aspect of your being.

I am not speaking of a bolt of energy that shocks you off your feet, nor a reality-check when an airbag disintegrates your nose or a happenstance occurrence that changes how much money you do or do not possess. What I am describing is difficult to specify with a word, but it is an emotion, one so vigorous it erases all that is remembered, so intense a wave that nothing in the wake of past can stand against it, all before it a sand castle awaiting a tide that never came until now.

For me, that burst of light was acknowledged when I saw her for the first time in numerous years. I had dreamed of her many times in my life, never knowing why such visions were so memorable. I recall from those fantasies that I was chasing a chocolate haired girl while she giggled on a trail, or grasping her hand and looking at a Ferris wheel, making love under a sky brimming with millions of stars, or becoming married on the porch of a weathered dance hall while standing next to a white trimmed handrail. I never sensed who it was I dreamt of before that pivotal day amid a cold and long winter February. All I understood in advance is that she was going to emerge and I should be prepared.

Ha! Prepared. Good luck with that. Not much prepares you for this intense event. If you suffer and sorrow enough then maybe you will see it for the marvelous light that it is, or perhaps you will be so frightened you will run elsewhere. I am confident that I noticed it. However, you won’t have a clue what such emotion is like until it happens to you. Go with it, when it comes, and do not abandon it, lest it is swept away for another lifetime to enjoy. You might think you found it in the past, but I can assure you that it will be unquestionable when you do encounter it. Never fear, for what I speak of is eternal, you cannot lose them permanently, so look forward to that, too.

Catching sight of her almost stopped my heart as much as my feet. All I could think was “Oh no. It is her. No way.” I sensed our unity, my other half in the flesh, the mirror of my soul. I noticed it as easily as hearing my name, with no cross-examination, no worry or uncertainty, only keen appreciation. As a child, we had been friends, and even then I understood something was exceptional about her, though at the time I did not know the contrast between a hopeless crush, ordinary love or the scorching firestorm of complete acceptance, passion, romance, commitment, and adoration.

I reminisce about the first time she stepped on the bus as a teenager and thinking “Who is that?” Her luminous hair was so long it waved around her like a cloak, settling softly on her capable shoulders. She smirked at me then. Briefly, her emerald and cocoa flecked eyes glinting before she looked away and seized her seat. I have never forgotten that moment, it is so clear in my mind’s eye, while so many others in life have vanished without much reflection or remembrance at all.

On that remarkable winter day so many years later, seeing those eyes again and watching her overturn that incredible hair over her shoulder gave me a sinking feeling, like falling in a dream, defrosting my heart and packing the cold hole inside me with a smoldering revelation. It was all I could do to exhale and retain my composure. When I sought to shake her hand, she bestowed on me a sparkling grin beneath her marble cheekbones and clutched me in a warm embrace. My arms wrapped around her graceful waist and I held the arch of her back, lightly touching the dimple of her spine and smelling my dreams in her hair. She offered me a tight squeeze in return and then stepped back. I wondered then if she was feeling what I was inside, enchanted, a forceful awareness of something overwhelming, living in the present moment like never before and pondering with monumental anticipation of what was genuinely happening to me.

Since that remarkable day, so much has changed. We revised our lives to be together, and the lake of our love has no depth. It is an ocean continually being explored, deeper, broader, and fuller than I could have ever thought feasible. I have yet to reach the shore, look back and see the beauty in its entirety, for it is too vast to comprehend. I thought I had loved before, surely I must have, especially when my children were born, but this is different. It is a devouring feeling of gratitude, respect, and hope, possibly an apex reward from many years of suffering, confusion, pain, and effort, or maybe I am just fortunate. Every moment is priceless, a chance to feel the magnificence of why we were given this glorious opportunity together.

I cannot know all that will come to pass, but I do know this, I will always look at this time as the most important of my life, thus far. Our moments are adorned with love so authentic and esteemed to my soul that I cannot accurately describe it in words. It must be felt to be realized. If you have not felt it, you may not believe in it, you may not enjoy or relish hearing about it, but I promise to you that it exists and when the time is appropriate for you both, it will occur, whether it is in this life or another.

What a great description of your relationship. It’s an amazing unity in every way.

Mine is not a happy ending and a sad story though. I won’t get into what happened, but that bond that connection is exactly as you described.

When it was over, part of me died, and it took quite some time to pick up the pieces. I decided to end it, a decision that 30 years later I still question whether it was right or wrong, but I stand by that decision and have no regrets. I would do the same thing over, so it is what it is, but it’s the relationship I mourn, not so much her if you can understand that. You don’t know until you experience it. Some people I would imagine live their whole lives without experiencing it.

I take solace in the fact that for a few years, I truly lived and shared with another as one. If you can look into another’s eyes and submerse yourself in their soul, you might be experiencing this. If a touch given or received is felt internally, you might be experiencing this.

You can talk through site and touch without saying a single word. When you embrace intimately, you transcend the physical world and are truly home. I will look for her after my time here is done, and I will find her. It might be over now, but it is not the end of our story. Of this I am certain.