SUMMIT — They form a large circle to start each night, and pass a colorful beaded baton called the "Talking Stick."

One by one, they give their names and their reasons for being there. One by one, they go, with a matter-of-factness that is heartbreaking in its blunt reality.

"My name is Timmy and my mommy died."

"My name is Caroline and my sister died."

"My name is Livia and my dad died."

This is how every evening at a support group called Good Grief begins. An acknowledgment of loss. An admission of pain. A ring of people who understand both.

"When a child has a parent or sibling die, people become afraid to say anything for fear of making the child feel more sad," said Mary Robinson, the Good Grief founder, who lost her father 30 years ago as a teen. "It is very confusing to have such an enormous experience ignored. Acknowledging the loss is critical to children’s ability to make sense of what happened and to know it mattered."

This is the message of Good Grief. For life to go on, so must death. The death in a family cannot be put away in some sealed, internal closet. There is no shame in grief. Death must be displayed, like a proud family portrait to honor the dead and comfort the living.

Good Grief meets at Christ Church in Summit, but the families come from around the area. The program started with 60 families in the fall of 2007. Today, there are 137.

Jerry McCrea/The Star-LedgerElana Lewis initially closes up when asked to relate a personal story from her week during the Good Grief sessions for youngsters held in Summit.

"Watching these families support each other, and the strength they draw from each other, is incomparable," said Maureen Mulligan, a Good Grief volunteer.

Of the 369 people, 107 are kids 12 and under; another 46 kids are between 13 and 18.

"The need is there," said Joe Primo, Good Grief’s director. "One in seven children will lose a parent before they turn 20, which, when you think about it, is a pretty staggering fact."

The group is looking to develop "satellite programs," Primo said. Two months ago, the group held a meeting at St. Benedict’s in Newark. "In the city, there are loss factors in addition to death. There are issues of abandonment and incarceration."

Bottled-up grief leads to poor grades, substance abuse, anger and depression, Robinson said. "Psychological problems result from unexpressed feelings and emotions. We give them a chance to express their feelings in constructive ways. They learn feelings aren’t good or bad, they just are. It’s what they do with their feelings that matters."

After each ceremony, the children go to age-specific classrooms, and parents go to a group of their own. The children play, sing and do crafts. The parents talk.

The children’s classrooms — nursery school rooms by day — are colorful and happy places. On this night, there were spontaneous choruses of Christmas carols and rambling stories of the school day. Every now and then, though, a child would pull back into a private place of sadness. They return quickly, when ready.

The kids made Christmas cards, or decorated plates for their deceased parents.

"Process of grief isn’t all sad and anger; it’s joyous and creative," said Beth Karpowic, a volunteer.

In a place called the Volcano Room, the kids throw softballs and bounce off mats and dance with hula hoops.

"The kids play hard. It’s their way of releasing emotion," said volunteer Jessica Tomalo. "The most profound sentiments are expressed in the Volcano Room. Tonight, one of them said, ‘I can’t tie my shoe because my daddy died.’ "

Jerry McCrea/The Star-LedgerParticipants hold hands and pass a squeeze around the closing circle of the night during the Good Grief sessions held in Summit.

In the classrooms, the writing, drawing, cutting and decorating continued. Laughter was sprinkled like glitter. The letters are updates on the children’s lives, and all speak to the deceased parent in present tense.

Isabella Martin wrote to her mother that "we will be celebrating your birthday on December 18th." Kelly Greiner’s Christmas card to her mother concluded with "you are awesome."

Robinson said cards and crafts like photo montages and memory boxes "help the child maintain and create a new relationship with their deceased parent or sibling."

And, in that, there is a message for the children: Life is for the living and for the dead who are loved by them.