LIVE GENEROUSLY!

To err on the side of generosity towards others is a choice to live well.

I held open the door to the dry cleaners to allow a harried looking man to go ahead of me. He threw three pairs of trousers on the counter and barked, “Three” as he radiated fury and rudeness. The generosity of spirit of the woman who served him was striking. I commented on her kindness.

She said to me, “I always have a choice to live generously or not.”

As we spoke she said, “I could experience his fury and get drawn into his behavior but I choose to believe that by being kind he might get a glimpse of another way to live.”

The result of erring on the side of generosity is to live well by choosing the markers how to live in the present. How will I choose when confronted by the fury of another? I’m counting on the grace of generosity.

DO NOT ASSUME!

My assumptions about others may not be about them at all.

I was puzzled by my colleague Beth – she’d promised to record a message about a program that was dear to her heart. Each reminder was responded to positively but nothing was ever recorded. My assumption that she had an unspoken issue made me feel uncomfortable.

I could choose to feel unpleasant about my assumption or find out what had happened.

When we spoke Beth said, “I’ve been feeling so bad. I thought I knew how to record a video on my phone but every time I tried something got messed up. I felt incompetent and then my ex-husband started becoming abusive and I only had energy to deal with that.” Now I felt bad for Beth!

My assumption had offered negative energy. Our conversation was a reminder that our best intentions are interrupted by life. When my assumptions are challenged, explored and released I am grounded in the positive energy of the Universe.

LET GO OF TRYING TO CONTROL

Let go of trying to control or change another person and find something to appreciate.

In the last year of her life my mother seemed determined to exceed her overweight status. The extra pounds kept further impairing her mobility. Whatever I offered – taking a short walk together, modifying her diet – was rebuffed with a terse “Yes, dear.”

I could live with my frustration at being unable to adjust her diet or I could let go of trying to change or control.

In choosing to let go I intentionally welcomed whatever surprise the Universe had in store for the two of us. Only Mom could have made the choice to change her habits!

Free of the change or control dynamics we settled into a new rhythm of appreciating one another as we were. The humor, the family stories and meals reflected a new ease. It was a more relaxed way to be present to one another.

Call-to-Action:

Be aware of how you try to change or control another person

Let go of it for both of your sakes

Notice how a circumstance that you cannot change is transformed when you release it.

PAUSE TO TAKE TIME

Pause to take time with a stranger or friend and be surprised by what it reveals.

A person I barely know wrote about how surprised he was that I stopped to chat with him while out walking. He said it revealed his dislike for the barriers of self-protection that he has built around his life. His self-realization made me think about my simple intuitive act of stopping to chat.

I wondered what drives the choices I make when I pause to take time with a stranger or friend.

Is it my natural curiosity about the stories of others? Is it my delight in knowing something about another person? Is it my life’s belief at work that we need one another?

Perhaps there is no single answer. I’m grateful to the many who took the time to comment on our unplanned conversation. It’s made me more mindful of paying attention to my intuition in pausing during the day to spend some time with a friend or stranger.

Call-to-Action:

Allow yourself to pause and take time with others

Be attentive to what it reveals to you

Notice how unplanned time with others inspires, motivates or enlivens life.

WHY DO YOU LOVE?

When you love yourself loving others is less complicated!

Decades loving others was driven in part by my need to know that I was worthy of love. Philosophically and spiritually I was drawn to work with the hungry and homeless and people with HIV. Then the day arrived when I realized, “I’m also doing this work to fill the big hole of not loving myself fully.”

I could have chosen to ignore this new insight but I knew my life and spirit was at stake.

As I worked with spiritual guides, a therapist and sundry workshops I began to let go of old messages that I wasn’t good enough. In setting those messages free a new space emerged to love myself with all of my quirks.

In this new ever-unfolding space I continue to love through what I do. But now I meet others in their own neediness loving myself as I am, for who I am. It is a love that begs to be shared freely without needing to be returned. How will such love surprise me today?

Call-to-Action:

Choose to love yourself today in spite of one thing that keeps you from doing so

Treat that love with care

Notice how loving yourself allows you to meet and love others in all of their wonder and complexity.

STOP RESCUING AND TRUST

Let go of rescuing and trust in the life that is yours.

Marta shared an epiphany with me. “I rescue my 40 year old daughter all the time. I make excuses for her. I buy into her stories of always being wronged.” Then she added, “The worst part of it is that I have believed this is normal.”

Marta had a choice to keep rescuing or to change her own behavior.

With the support of a trusted friend Marta began to stop buying into her daughter always being wronged. She stopped bailing her out. She said, “My friend’s role is to keep me accountable and to make sure that I’m choosing this out of love.”

What surprised Marta was that with each step she began to trust in her own life. She said, “It took several years for it to sink in to my daughter that only she could rescue her own life. I pray that someday soon she will start to trust in the life that is hers. I love her by trusting in the life that is mine. “

Call-to-Action:

Choose to love by not rescuing

Name something each day that makes you glad about the life that is yours

Notice how trusting in your life opens up a generous and open-hearted life with others.

YOUR POWERFUL MEMORIES

Pay attention to what your memories of deceased loved ones point you to.

Recently on my father’s birthday I was filled with memories of him. Although he died eight years ago these memories were all of him sitting drinking tea or beer with challenging people. The memories included those who made fun of his graciousness and engagement.

More than just pleasant remembrances I chose to receive them as a lesson illuminating my life.

As a kid I cringed at feeling the need to defend my dad’s gracefulness from those who thought he was too “nice.” I felt conflicted wondering if he was weak or clueless.

These birthday memories remind me that it dad’s inner strength allowed him to be graceful and gracious with even the most difficult people. He’d made a choice to not be like them but to engage them. It points me to the choices I have for living with grace. What will your memories of a loved one point you to?

Call-to-Action:

Be aware of memories pointing you to new learning’s

Celebrate the lives of those who you remember

Notice how what you learn from the memory of a deceased love one keeps them vibrantly alive in your heart.

YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE

You make a difference in the world with your every word, act, hope and intention.

The news from many parts of the world, with one tragedy or war zone after another, has felt overwhelming. A friend expressed her exasperated despair as she said, “I want to give up on the people who keep hating and killing.”

For a moment it was a tempting option but I quickly remembered that to give up is to choose death.

I was reminded of the labels used to denigrate, deride and dehumanize one another. The labels used against you or me, the labeling of others that I condone by my silence or thoughtlessness; labels that allow the life of another to be devalued and then become the enemy or worse.

Instead of despair I recommit my life to being engaged, to see beyond labels, to use positive labels and to be mindful about what I do and say. I choose to be grateful that our lives are bundled together. What will you choose?

SAVOR LIFE TODAY!

Savor life’s simplest moments and enter into the grandeur of their beauty.

I was sitting on my deck in the fading afternoon sunlight reviewing some work when I noticed my dog Lucy. She was alternating between rolling on her back in the grass and playing with a squeaky toy. As I laughed she bounded up to me offering a toy to throw for her.

I could have put no store in Lucy’s antics but realized she was reminding me of a profound life lesson.

As we walked off playing fetch I remembered too many years in my life when I was too preoccupied with busyness to savor the simplest moments of everyday life and the grandeur of their beauty.

Lucy reminds me that the simplest moments of life are to be delighted in right now. What moments will you savor today? What beauty will you discover in them?

Call-to-Action:

Be awake to savoring the simplest moments each day

Be aware of the beauty they reveal

Notice how being awake, aware and present to the simplest moments of your day fills you with gladness.

VULNERABLE & INTIMATE

Intimacy reflects your willingness to be vulnerable.

We were two men talking about men needing to stop gender based violence. We’d only ever spoken on the phone but there we were sharing very personal stories. Those in the audience said, “You two were so emotionally intimate and your body language reflected it.”

We could have chosen to be two talking heads but instead chose to be vulnerable.

As we spoke about re-imagining the toolbox of manhood we illustrated our discussion with stories about our surprising, transformative moments of love and tenderness being part of what it means to be a man. Quite naturally we touched one another in the ways that longstanding friends trust one another to do.

The result was that our words and body language were in a state of harmony that unwittingly became part of the teaching and learning of the evening. Who will you trust to be vulnerable and emotionally intimate with?

Call-to-Action:

Be willing to trust being vulnerable

Be aware of a shared vulnerability creates emotional and spiritual intimacy