SNARK WEEK: Woeful Woman Wednesday – Lesley-Anne Down

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Lesley-Anne Down is an actress who has starred in a surprising number of historical costume movies. She’s probably very talented and a lovely person, let’s get that out of the way.

It’s not the least bit her fault that she did a number of historical movies and TV shows during the 1980s, and hey, mad props that she’s still working today — but I can’t help but notice that she’s the connecting thread amongst a TON of smokey eyeshadow and Dynasty hair.

So with full knowledge that that was the era, and hey, blame the costume designers, makeup artists, and really the people in charge, let’s take a wander through Lesley-Anne’s AquaNetted glory:

Countess Dracula (1971)

Essentially Erzabet Bathory as vampire.

“Ilona,” who apparently has a lot of hair.

Pope Joan (1972)

The (mythical) story of a woman who impersonated a man and became pope in the “medieval era.”

The classic upper-class and servants story set in early 20th-century London and where Down appears to have really taken off. She plays Georgina Worsley, a relative who comes to live with the fam after her parents die in the Titanic sinking. She was a nurse during WWI, then turns party girl in the 1920s, only to settle down and marry.

It’s makeup-y, but not too bad considering this is for 1970s TV.

A Little Night Music (1977)

The film version of the Sondheim musical, set around the turn of the century. Down plays the virginal wife during a farcical country house weekend.

Virginal but with winged eyemakeup!

Not bad, minus the wiggy wig!

The Great Train Robbery (1978)

Where it starts getting good: in the 1850s, she’s the mistress of an upper-class thief and joins in his heist of, you guessed it, a train.

Ah, the 1850s, that era of heavy makeup, where nary a chemise existed…

Boobs are everywhere in this tale of northerners and southerners before, during, and after the Civil War! Lesley-Anne Down plays Madeline, the kindly, blushing southern belle trapped in a loveless marriage to an abusive husband and secretly in love with Patrick Swayze’s mullet.

Because demure southern belles were allll about getting the tits out and the smokey eyeshadow.

They were also TOTALLY into polytaffeta, lurex lace, and getting the tits out for daywear.

North and South, Book II (1986)

The story continues. Don’t ask me.

That’s a lot of hair for the 1860s.

Heaven & Hell: North & South, Book III (1994)

Why, I ask you?

The very picture of proper womanhood!

Looks like she suffers like Scarlett O’Hara!

Beastmaster III: The Eye of Braxus (1996)

Okay, probably not historical, but hilarious nonetheless! As “Morgana,” who, I am guessing, is a witch.

Somewhere Ann Wilson of the band Heart is proud of that hair.

Justice (2017)

Alright, still working! Go Lesley-Anne! “A U.S. Marshal seeking justice for his brother’s murder defends a small town from a corrupt mayor and his henchmen with intents to revive the civil war.”

Glad to see she’s sticking with the hair down.

Coming Soon: Of God and Kings

“Prima Ballerina Annalise is invited to dance La Traviata in Venice. Her risqué past comes to haunt her as she finds love in the ballet.”

About the author

Kendra has been a fixture in the online costuming world since the late 1990s. Her website, Démodé Couture, is one of the most well-known online resources for historical costumers. In the summer of 2014, she published a book on 18th-century wig and hair styling. Kendra is a librarian at a university, specializing in history and fashion. She’s also an academic, with several articles on fashion history published in research journals.

You ladies really should do a piece about The Great Train Robbery. It’s peak Victorian, and shows a mix of all sorts social classes. Plus, it’s actually a pretty amusing movie.

Having said all that, I kinda have a soft spot in my heart for Lesley Anne Down, for some reason. MY elder sister was suuuuuuuuuuper obsessed with North and South, and write fan letters to like the entire cast, and Ms. Down wrote a back (had had written and sent back) a very sweet response.

Darn. Now I’ve got to look up Beastmaster III. NO WAY that was actually filmed in 1996. Who’s up for betting this is one that sat on the shelf for about 8 – 10 years before someone said, “Oh, heck, we might as well just release it!” ? [pun intended]

My fav is Acetate & Polyester book III, hands down; Not the perm, but that orange dress! faints… Sad thing, it could be okay with just about any other fabric… Well, okay may not be the word, but sure better!

the really sad thing is actors have NO control over what the sadistic costumers and directors put them in. I know I’ve seen actors cringe with disgust while putting on their costumes, knowing it was baboon butt ugly and wrong. but the good ones still attempt to work with it, the great ones can make you over look the stupid they’re stuck wearing. ah, a directors “vision” is sometimes a very terrifying thing.

AH things are starting to make sense now about N&S! I checked out wikipedia, learned that the future holds a lot of “vowing revenge” by Brunette and others, and that my vague memories are most likely from book 2 episode 2.

Poor Lesley Ann. She does look good in the most recent one, and I bet she’s glad not to have crazy 80s hair.