‘Thars’ wind beneath my wings… and it smells’

I’ve been thinking of writing a few ditties, tunes and such for a number of years. It would be a huge challenge since I can’t read a lick of music. Those dots with flags printed on horizontal lines don’t register with me. I’ve always played by ear although the left one is getting a might weak. A new country song might be the ticket to Nashville.

The old saying is, ‘when you play a country song backwards that:

You get your dog back.

You get your house back.

You get your wife back and in some cases, your truck.

Country songs have traditionally been about lost love, broken hearts, drowning sorrows in booze, cheating on your wife (but not taxes) and various other predicaments where humans find themselves. I did a little research looking for ideas and found these actual country song titles a group of really inspired writers created. Considering the before-mentioned tune subjects, many make sense. And here they are:

• ‘I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself Or Go Bowling’
• ‘I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don’t Run So I Figure We’re Even’
• ‘I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You’
• ‘I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim’s Getting’ Better’
• ‘Mama Get A Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)’
• ‘Please Bypass This Heart’
• ‘She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger’
• ‘If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me’
• ‘I Wouldn’t Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win’
• ‘I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart’
• ‘You’re The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can’t Bite You Off’
• ‘The Last Word In Lonesome Is Me’
• ‘I’ll Marry You Tomorrow But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight’
• ‘How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?’
• ‘I’d Rather Pass A Kidney Stone Than Another Night With You’
• ‘He’s Been Drunk Since His Wife’s Gone Punk’
• ‘She Got The Gold Mine and I Got The Shaft’
• ‘Come Out of the Wheatfield Nelly, You’re Going Against the Grain’
• ‘My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him’
• ‘I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life’
• ‘Take Me To The Corn Field Honey And I’ll Kiss You Between The Ears’
• ‘The Beer I Had For Breakfast Is Comin’ Back For Lunch’
• ‘Don’t Cry On My Shoulders ‘Cause You’re Rustin’ My Spurs’
• ‘You’re The Reason Our Baby’s So Ugly’
• ‘You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too’
• ‘I’m Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home’
• ‘The Pint of No Return’
• ‘I’ve Got You on My Conscience But At Least You’re Off My Back’
• ‘It Don’t Hurt Half as Bad as Holding You Feels Good’
• ‘I Bought the Boots That Just Walked Out On Me’
• ‘Tennis Must Be Your Racket ‘Cause Love Means Nothin’ To You’
• ‘Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart’
• ‘She’s Got Freckles On Her, But She’s Pretty’
• ‘I Meant Every Word That He Said’

Oh darlin’, those are beautiful song titles and they’ll touch your heart, wallet or, in some cases, sour your stomach.