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Monday, August 8, 2011

Letter to my Noah on his One-Week Birthday

Dearest Sweetest, Most Precious Noah,

One
week ago, I held you in my arms for the first time. I heard your tiny
cry and saw your perfect little face, and I shed tears of joy,
amazement, and relief. You are a miracle. A tiny, perfect miracle—with
a head of soft brown hair and a set of piercing dark blue eyes.

In
the hours leading up to your birth, I marveled at the strength and
courage of your birth mom, Katie. She labored with you for over 12
hours, enduring unimaginable pain to bring you into this world.
Throughout her labor, I sat in awestruck silence in the corner of her
hospital room, wanting to support her but not sure how, realizing this
was a journey that only she and God would ever fully understand.

And
then, I watched her push you into the world. I stood beside her and
held her hand as you emerged, first your head, then your shoulders, then
your perfect little body, fresh from heaven. That’s when the tears
started. I have never witnessed anything so sacred.

And
then you were in my arms—all wrapped up in a blanket with a tiny little
hat on your head. You looked up at me, and I looked back at you, and
your dad wrapped his arms around both of us and rested his head on my
shoulder.

I had imagined this moment for so many months and wondered
how it would feel. Would I feel immediately connected to you? Would I
feel like your mother? Would I fall in love at first sight?

Looking
back on it now, all I remember is the love that I felt—for you,
for Katie, and for everyone in the room. I knew without a doubt that
you were my son, and I knew that I could not have been granted such a
gift without Katie. She and I are now connected by something deeper
even than friendship or respect. We are connected by our love for you,
and that is a bond that will never break, no matter what the coming
years bring.

Even
as I gazed down on you in amazement, I could not stand to be away from
Katie’s side. The nurses had ushered me to a corner of the room where
they could clean, warm, and weigh you, but I could see Katie in the bed,
craning her neck to catch a glimpse of you, and I could not possibly
stay away. I rushed to her bedside and showed her the miracle that she
had just delivered—a beautiful, healthy, precious, perfect little
angel. She reached out for you and smiled, and I have never seen such
joy and love in someone’s face. I lowered you into her arms, and she
cooed and kissed you and held you close. It was a beautiful and perfect
sight.

Your
birth dad, Drew, was beside her. He had been beside her for the entire
twelve hour labor, holding her hand, putting pressure on her back to
ease the pain of the contractions, doing whatever was asked of him.
Throughout the labor, my heart swelled with love for him as I watched
his support of Katie. He is a good, kind, strong young man who loves
you very much—that was apparent in his tears the moment he first saw you
and in the awe on his face as he watched Katie holding you for the
first time. A few minutes later, after he and everyone in the room had
held you, I put my arm around him and told him I was proud of him. He
said, “Don’t count me out of this kid’s life!” I responded sincerely,
“You’re in, Drew—you’re definitely in!” He grabbed me in a tight hug and
didn’t let go for several minutes. It was one of the most precious
moments of my life.

In
the minutes after your birth, it felt like time slowed down in that
hospital room. The Spirit was tangible. Peace blanketed all of us, as
we passed you from family member to family member, and we all gave a
little piece of our hearts to you. In the first ten minutes of your
life, you were held by your mom, your birth mom, your dad, your birth
dad, your birth grandparents, and your grandma. I’m sure that so much
love has never been poured on one little boy in such a short amount of
time. As we all shared you and loved you, I have never felt Heaven so
close.

Sweetest Noah, you are so loved. So loved.
Before we left the hospital with you, Katie held you in her arms as you
were surrounded by three men who gave you a special priesthood
blessing. Katie’s dad, your dad, and Drew’s grandpa all laid their hands
on your tiny little head, and Mark voiced the blessing, promising that
the love of your birth parents and of all of the family members in that
room would become a part of you and go with you throughout your life.
That is a remarkable promise, and I have no doubt that you will grow to
be a remarkable man. Every morning, as I cradle you and feed you a
bottle, I look into your dark blue eyes and say a prayer thanking God
that you are my son. I ask Him to protect you, be with you, and bless
you to grow up strong, honorable, honest, and kind. I ask Him to bless
me as your mother to know how to love you, teach you, and meet your
needs.

You
are our miracle, Noah, our gift from Heavenly Father. I have grown so
much closer to the Lord through the process of waiting for you and then
watching you come into this beautiful, complicated world. I can only
imagine how much closer you will bring me to Heavenly Father in the
coming years, as I strive to be the mother that you deserve. Truly, “I
thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” Philippians 1:3

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THE LITTLE GAL

Lover of squishes from Mama, snuggles from Daddy, and tickles from Brother

Who feels content and smiley first thing in the morning

Who needs shoes that will actually stay on her kicking, wiggly feet

Who gives mega-watt grins that melt the heart

Who fears the raucous (but affectionate) smothering of her older brother

Who would like to see her aunties and grandparents more often

Resident of a comfy one-story home where she is the queen

THE LITTLE GUY

Lover of the Polar Express, all things sugar, and his "Baby Sister"

Who feels ecstatic when "chuffing" one of his beloved trains around the house

Who needsexplanations for everything, big and small

Who gives strangers a reason to smile with his friendly chatter

Who fears"spooky" shadows, scary scenes in movies, and toilets that flush by themselves

Who would like to see a friend come over to play every single day

Resident of a house covered in photos of him and his sister

RACH

Lover of conversationswith a kindred, homemade chocolate chip cookies, and Idaho sunsetsWho feels overwhelmingly happy when nibbling on one of her delicious childrenWho needs daily quiet time to thinkWho fears losing someone else whom she loves

Who givescare packages to her friends and love letters to her kids and RyanWho would like to see more openness, compassion, and individuality in the worldResident of a little house with cute daisy bushes in front

RY

Lover of ice cream, the night sky, and dance parties with his happy kidsWho feels glorious at the peak of an Idaho mountainWho needs alone time to just look at the ceiling when he gets home from workWho gives froyo gift certificates and sugar-free suckers to his dental patientsWho fears talking on the phone and settling for less than his potentialWho would like to see family cartrips in a minivan to explore the WestResident of Twin Falls, ID

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