In the name of God, Compassionate, Merciful بسم الله الرحمن الرحيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Let me remind you of a wonderful narration from ‘Umar b. al-Khattāb (radhi Allāhu ‘anhu) may Allah be pleased with him, in al-Kharā’itī’s book on character:

“From Abu ‘Azrah al-Du’ali who lived during the time of ‘Umar (ra) and used to marry women and then separate from them, until he became known by the people for doing so, and stories would be told about him. When he heard of this, he took ‘Abd Allah b. al-Arqam home with him, and while he was listening, asked his wife, “I implore you with God’s name: Do you hate me?”

Abu ‘Azrah said to ‘Abd Allah, “Did you hear that?” They then left and went to ‘Umar, saying to him, “People say I wrong women and then separate from them. Ask Abdullah what he heard from my wife.” He did so, and ‘Umar having heard what she had said, sent for his wife.

He said to her, “Are you the one that goes and tells her husband that she hates him?”

She said, “Oh Leader of the Faithful, I am the first to repent and turn back to God’s command. He implored me in God’s name, so what was I supposed to do? Lie? I felt wrong lying!”

“Then lie,” said ‘Umar. “If one of you doesn’t love someone else they shouldn’t say so. Few are those houses that are built upon love; rather people get along by depending upon Islam and Ihsān to one another.”

This is of course what we expect from those deep and blessed people who understood the inner realities of life and the challenges that they bring. ‘Umar has effectively provided for today’s social scientists the history of the old adage that love is indeed fickle, temporal and but just a fleeting moment. Relationships might kick off with love and enjoy little moments of love here and there, but their fuel and sustenance comes from respect, justice, friendship, loyalty and sacrifice; all of these aspects and more are wonderfully and succinctly summed up by ‘Umar in his use of Islam and Ihsān to illustrate the pinnacle of these qualities.

Let me remind you of a wonderful narration from ‘Umar b. al-Khattāb (radhi Allāhu ‘anhu) may Allah be pleased with him, in al-Kharā’itī’s book on character:

“From Abu ‘Azrah al-Du’ali who lived during the time of ‘Umar (ra) and used to marry women and then separate from them, until he became known by the people for doing so, and stories would be told about him. When he heard of this, he took ‘Abd Allah b. al-Arqam home with him, and while he was listening, asked his wife, “I implore you with God’s name: Do you hate me?”

Abu ‘Azrah said to ‘Abd Allah, “Did you hear that?” They then left and went to ‘Umar, saying to him, “People say I wrong women and then separate from them. Ask Abdullah what he heard from my wife.” He did so, and ‘Umar having heard what she had said, sent for his wife.

He said to her, “Are you the one that goes and tells her husband that she hates him?”

She said, “Oh Leader of the Faithful, I am the first to repent and turn back to God’s command. He implored me in God’s name, so what was I supposed to do? Lie? I felt wrong lying!”

“Then lie,” said ‘Umar. “If one of you doesn’t love someone else they shouldn’t say so. Few are those houses that are built upon love; rather people get along by depending upon Islam and Ihsān to one another.”

This is of course what we expect from those deep and blessed people who understood the inner realities of life and the challenges that they bring. ‘Umar has effectively provided for today’s social scientists the history of the old adage that love is indeed fickle, temporal and but just a fleeting moment. Relationships might kick off with love and enjoy little moments of love here and there, but their fuel and sustenance comes from respect, justice, friendship, loyalty and sacrifice; all of these aspects and more are wonderfully and succinctly summed up by ‘Umar in his use of Islam and Ihsān to illustrate the pinnacle of these qualities.

Thank you sister for posting this, its is very interesting and also very relevant. In today's times people have been taught to focus too much on the "ideal love", as in Romance movies, type of love, but many times this is unrealistic and become a source of great dissapointment. I'm not saying that love is not important, but as your post makes it clear, there is so much more to life than just this idealistic view of love:)