From September 1st through September 4th (at least), you will not see me. It’s like a gift for all of us.

Also, film ideas:

Titanic 2: The Revenge. It’s about the Titanic resurfacing and vowing vengeance on the iceberg that destroyed it. Titanic 3: Urban Assault. It’s about the Titanic roaming the streets with a machine gun. I picture both as stop-motion films, but 3D animated wouldn’t be bad either (and probably not too hard given the simplicity of the involved characters). There’s also Titanic 4: The Undiscovered Country, which is about - guess who - the Titanic fighting dinosaurs. And perhaps Khan from Star Trek 2. The details are still under consideration. There are more, and eventually the series culminates in Titanic XII: We Finally Beat The Land Before Time’s Record. The title is self-explanatory.

I finally got my Driver’s licence today. This means two things: - I have to pay car insurance. This is the reason it took me so long in the first place. - I should have a reliable way to Morgantown should I want to go, which I do.

I think the pro outweighs the con.

I went to the mall here today to see if I could get a new DS game and left the store gravely dissapointed and empty handed. I was expecting to be shocked at how many good games were on the shelves much like I was when it came time to get a new GBA game. I guess the DS is more like a home console in that you have to research and wait for the big titles before you go and buy. That upsets me.

By the way, anyone who likes “Ridin’ Dirty” by whatever inbred filth created the song needs to rethink their life, coming to the inevitible conclusion that suicide is their only option.

It’s a Wednesday night. You’ve just returned from a semi-productive night at the Blue Moose, where you recruited one of the baristas to play a boss in your zombie game.

Okay, okay, let’s shift gears. I think by now you understand that I’m telling a story that could only happen to me, so I’ll drop the second-person narration and speak normally.

As I wa saying.

I just returned from the Blue Moose, where I recruited one of the baristas to play a boss in my zombie game. She has a very nice icy glare, so I think it works well. Ricky came back, and we decided there was only one appropriate action to take: eat food at Eat ‘N Park. This action wasn’t reallly appropriate in relation to anything, but that is not relevant. What is relevant is that at Eat ‘N Park, we see these girls.

One girl, really. In fact, saying ‘these girls’ is an outright lie. There was just one.

I was in an excitable mood. Not necessarily a good excitable mood, but not a bad one. Just one. And so I got it in my head that asking said girl out would be a Good Idea. Then I spilled water over myself in a cunning display of bravado and class, and the idea seemed less good. But then the water dried, and the idea was good again. Or at least it seemed good.

So Ricky and I got ready to leave - I had still not done anything at this point, and I was resolving myself not to. This resolve completely shattered as we neared the door, and I darted back in a swift, vibrant display of courage or idiocy - the line is somewhat blurry regarding those two. And I offered my hand (for a handshake, not for marriage) and said some stuff. What was said isn’t entirely memorable, but it ended with, “I was wondering if I could call you sometime.”

“Um, probably not.”

What the hell kind of response is that? Probably not? I don’t even know what that means. Could someone tell me? Is it a euphemism for something harsher? Is it, like, a challenge to call her despite her not giving me her number or name? Or is there something far darker hidden deep within her answer that portends to the End of Days? What if I had responded with, “But maybe?”

I don’t know. But regardless, that’s pretty much the end of my story. I’m not mad or even upset. In fact, it’s made for a pretty funny running gag. Whenever I ask Ricky something, his response is: “Um, probably not.” At least, it’s funny to me.

I mixed no fewer than three different languages in the above title, and if you consider that some of those words appear in multiple languages, I actually included every language in existence. Just another example of what we bring to the table. The virtual table.

I’m sitting in the Blue Moose, a place I’ve been spending entirely too much time in lately. I’m fairly certain that a few of the employees wouldn’t mind knifing me, but current laws of the United States of America have shielded me. There was just a song playing that echoed the lyric, “You never get what you want” over and over in the kind of melodic repetition one might expect from a four year old. You all know that I’m not one to openly mock the “art” that flows through radio waves, giving it an untouchable reverence because I can’t possibly understand the plight of serious performers. So I won’t provide you with any hopelessly uninformed analysis. I’ll let you create your own conclusions.

Vicious, unrelenting sarcasm is also something we bring to this expansive table. In fact, most of its offerings originated in this very space. Including italics. That is not a lie.

But I have swayed from the focal topic. The Blue Moose. I don’t know if I mentioned it, but it’s a local coffee shop offering things which - and I have this on good authority - are definitely not coffee. Like foods. And pastries. And trendy indie music. And wireless internet. And “You never get what you want” (I think it’s important to interject here - that song just popped up again. God yes.) Ricky managed to get me hopelessly addicted to this place, valiantly overcoming the seemingly insurmountable detail that I rarely drank coffee before this summer. Regardless, I’ve had good fun here, and the Spiced Chai is earth-shatteringly amazing.

Moving on, I suppose it’s appropriate to talk about the Research Experience for Undergraduates, which I have been handling for over three weeks now. I had a pretty lengthy update on this once, but it was deleted in a show of fire and electric light. The program has been just alright. Seventy percent of the time, the work is insipid - filling out papers, handling network administration, getting people to sign forms. Twenty percent of the time the work is tolerable - giving lectures on technical stuffs, playing with lab toys. The final ten percent is completely forgettable - managing the development of a website, getting the students to do stuff. The only saving grace is the people - the students, while lacking some of the charm of last year’s bunch, are relatively cool people. And it’s always nice to hang with Russ. We manage to have a lot of fun with uninspiring work. However, I’ve become pretty resolute in not returning to the lab come August even if I am given the opportunity.

Whitney came down yesterday to see where she would be living for (at least) nine months. She seemed pretty happy overall - with the place, Ricky, and the general juujuu (joojoo? juju?). That still doesn’t change the fact that she’s living with two gimongous nerds, and we give her two weeks before she snaps and breaks Ricky in two.