Saturday, 28 November 2009

To hell with the sainthood

Never mind the saints, here's a newish poem. Not sure what I make of it myself.

Danger

Oh, she has done some terrible thingsI heard she drank a vat of vodkaLaid herself out on a slab, to be troughedShe slept when she should have wokenStayed up when she should have sleptShe's a disgrace, really

Nothing more to be said

Some people don't trust herAnd you know, I don't blame themShe has mislaid friends (casually)Sold precious jewels (flippantly)And she has covered her tracksBut they glow, oh, how they shine

Well, I think this has touches of brilliance, and I really mean that. But for me it loses its momentum after 'She's a disgrace...' I'm not sure about the hiatuses and the isolated middle line. Surely it's pivotal, the way you've presented it? But it doesn't seem to bear that weight. Then, at the line 'She has mislaid friends...' it really picks up again, and the last line is terrific.

I wondered who TFE was quoting but apparently it's himself. If you were wondering.

SW - the isolated middle line was a very last minute change (it was just the last line of the first verse). If others feel the same maybe it can slip back to its original position. I don't feel strongly about it (for once). And even 'touches of brilliance' will do me! Absolutely.

I see what you mean, Shug, with the 'tried' and it's a fair idea. I'll sleep on it.

I love this one. It reminds me of someone in my life whose wild ways left everyone talking and shaking their heads...and (I'm convinced) secretly admiring her and wishing they weren't afraid to be the same.

Such people do create ambivalence; we can condemn and envy them at the same time--so I think your words here have her spot on.