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How do we teach students to act in ways that demonstrate respect - being tolerant of differences, using good manners and appropriate language, not threatening, hitting, or hurting anyone, and dealing peacefully with anger, insults, and disagreements. Here are five ideas that educators have used with their students.

Be Respectful

If we want our students to show respect, then we need to be respectful enough to them to show them that we care enough to follow through with what we say.

—Rebecca Marks, NEA Director-ESP At Large, Nebraska

Creating Safety Nets

I choose a teachable moment to tell a story that encourages risk-taking and mutual respect during discussion—when a child's response to a question is met with tittering causing the child to feel embarrassed.

I tell this story:

'This reminds me of a story I've been meaning to share. A few years ago many of my students went to see the circus when it was in town. Our discussion came around to trying to decide who was the most important person in the circus. One child raised his hand to say that the ringmaster was most important. Another said the acrobats were most important. Yet another said the motor cyclist was most important. Throughout the discussion a quiet hand attached to a patient person remained in the air. I asked that child, "Who do you think is most important?" The child announced that no one may have noticed but each time the lights went out a person went around checking the cables on the safety net to make certain no one was injured. We voted on who the class thought was the most important and the safety net person won, hands down.'

Then I tell the students we need a safety net in our class so that on one is ever harmed in any way. We discuss physical and emotional harm. I ask if there is some signal we can use with our bodies to alert one another that we need to raise the safety net to support someone in case he or she is in danger of falling. The signal we most often use is both hands clasped together and while still clasped, opened wide. This signal stops a student from laughing at a fellow student's idea and assures the speaker that he/she has everyone's attention. This strategy works well to make students aware of choices available to them in responding to classmates and also improves listening skills.

—Jerry Cohee, teacher mentor, Baltimore, Maryland (from NEA Works4Me)

Understanding the Students Behind the Behavior

The young adolescent is often unknowingly saying or doing things that pierce a thin veneer of confidence in other students. Effective educators will recognize all of this as normal (if undesirable) and work to educate students and to communicate regularly the belief system of tolerance, understanding, and recognition of differences. (See the full article, Maintaining a Safe Environment )

—Pete Lorain, retired teacher and principal, Beaverton, Oregon

Model & Demonstrate What Respect Means

Having worked as a classroom teacher and character development leader, I've found that it's always important that the student be shown what the expected behavior looks like, sounds like, and feels like. Modeling is the key to success. It's not enough to just say what it is.

If you want the children to demonstrate respect, for example, they need to first know what respect is and what it looks like. Often, students will say "I show respect to my friend by being nice." This is not specific enough. A teacher needs to ask, "What does that look like?" Being nice may mean "listening to my friend when he or she talks."

Once the concept of respect is made more explicit, it's up to the teacher to demonstrate what listening looks like, sounds like, and feels like. I often would model examples of what good listeners do (e.g., eyes on speaker, lean toward the speaker, nod, smile). The modeling would include teacher showing through example and student practice during role play. We must take time to lay the groundwork initially, but it pays off in the long run.

Once your targeted behaviors are modeled and demonstrated, create an anchor chart that states, "Good Listeners..." Include in the chart what it looks like (hands in lap, mouths not moving, eyes on speaker, etc.), what it sounds like (all are quiet except the speaker, clapping to acknowledge good ideas when the speaker is done), and what it feels like (calm, comfortable, etc.).

—Dan Celetti, Algoma District School Board in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario, Canada, currently a special assignment teacher helping teachers implement research-based learning strategies in the areas of literacy, numeracy, and character development.

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Malissa Allen | 2015/04/06

I believe that when we show our students respect and teach them throughout their learning process of what is respect. Students will learn and show. They may only be getting this teaching from school.

blake corkill | 2015/03/21

Hmm....Respect is important. Must be earned!

Liz George | 2015/03/17

Modeling respect as the teacher is crucial in the classroom as the teacher sets the tone.

Dulce Parra | 2015/03/11

Will use in classroom by leading and setting the example and modeling what is expected. Great Ideas.

Tricia Lowe | 2015/02/08

It is important to teach children respect and then to lead by example.

Vincent Brown | 2015/01/17

Great article. Kids are better at imitating than teaching, so showing them what respect is and building a respectful environment is much more effective than simply saying, "have respect."

Tribneiea | 2014/12/09

I show and expect respect from all students. I demonstrate this by addressing them as young man or lady, I lead into the reason I am questioning their behavior or issue and always end with have a great day and make choices that make you smile.

Renee | 2014/11/15

I agree. I address all the juveniles I work with as "Sir" or "Ma'am", even in the juvenile detention setting.

June Flowers | 2014/10/15

I feel that all teachers should show the students respect. I work at a highschool and I address the students as sir or mam. I speak to them, hold doors open for them, say thank you, etc. I treat them just the way I want to be treated, yet I also let them know my expections and am consistent

Nora | 2014/10/03

Children learn by example. Teacher needs to model respect for the students to understand what respect is.

Katie Pisciola | 2014/09/15

Respect is earned, and a student will respect the teacher more if they see the teacher modeling the behavior they are trying to instill in their students. We sometimes forget that our students are like sponges and absorb any behavior they see. They need to see us listening and responding to our collegues and other students if there are on-going issues that we are working to resolve. Respect is not just being nice to someone but paying attention and showing them what they are saying is important.

Jennifer DeGraff | 2014/09/15

Respect is both earned and given. We must be mindful of that.

DeAnna Thielvoldt | 2014/08/31

Absolutely! Model ideal behavior. Everyone deserves respect.

Victor Penny | 2014/08/06

To get respect you must show respect.

Kendall White | 2014/08/04

The students look to us to model respectful behavior before them, so it must begin with us.

Derek Vera | 2014/07/21

Great article. The only way to have a safe and productive classroom is to foster an environment that begins with respect for everyone from day one. This article is excellent and represents what we strive for each day as educators.

Linda Stephens | 2014/07/01

Start by respecting yourself, enough to accept our responsibility as the teacher of the behavior we should model.

Rodrick Perkins | 2014/05/27

Yes it is imperative that teachers exhibit the same behaviors they would expect from their students. Leading as the example

Mirian Romero | 2014/05/23

Teachers are role models to their students. Respecyt is something we need to teach our kids.

madelyn | 2014/02/11

this bull **** sorry butt holes

nazdana | 2014/02/11

**** it

meah ramat | 2014/02/11

its bad no evence soz *******

April | 2013/11/18

I agree ! It's simple: Actions speak louder than words ! You must show and model what's expected. Showing students how to behave is way more effective than telling them.

casandra | 2013/10/28

I really enjoyed reading this article it was very helpful in ways to teach children to be respectful and understand others feelings and opinions.

Cecilia Sanchez/ 10/26/13 | 2013/10/26

Great article. Respect is imperative in order to create a safe learning community in the classroom. It is important to educate students and to model regularly, specially to the lower grades about tolerance, understanding, and recognition of differences Pete Lorain, Beaverton-OR). The ANCHOR chart "Good Listeners" I think is a great idea as a visual reminder.I feel it is important to teach students to act in ways that demonstrate respect. This can effectively be accomplished by modeling how it looks like, how it feels like and how it sounds like.

Ana Aguirre | 2013/09/24

Definitely, If we respect others, others are going to respect us. the student that feels respected, will try to do their best for that teacher.

Emilia Olvera | 2013/08/22

I think respect is something that everyone should be given and shown

G.L. | 2013/07/13

Same:
"Do as I say and also do.

G.L. | 2013/07/13

The good old saying:
"Practice what we preach."
AKA: model what we want students to learn and do.

Clarence | 2013/07/12

As teachers and even parents, we hear the cries of children, we often attempt to stop the cries without solving the issue. When a child cries out through certain behaviors, it is for the adult to listen with patience and inquire about its intent.

Kimberly Khan | 2013/06/25

You cannot expect your students to act respectfully if you don't every day is an opportunity to model good behavior.

ELVISA | 2013/06/25

Teaching right behavior is always preferred but especially as a teacher. We shape the minds of young children. It is our responsibility to show and model correct behavior. Respect is very important but also how to deal with other issues children express.

Renea Hunter | 2013/06/24

Respect is something that everyone should be given and shown, regardless of their age.While respect should start at home, it should also continue when you leave from your home.

Laurie Effinger | 2013/06/20

I love that instead of admonishing the students for certain behaviors the author chose to make it a teachable moment and tell a story that connected to the behavior he hopes to maintain. I feel this would have far more impact than just admonishment

Laurie Effinger | 2013/06/20

I love that instead of admonishing the students for certain behaviors the author chose to make it a teachable moment and tell a story that connected to the behavior he hopes to maintain. I feel this would have far more impact than just admonishment

Violet Edwards | 2013/05/07

I think the suggestion of literally explaining that being a respectful listener means looking the speaker in the eye, nodding to acknowledge them, etc. Children do not always pick up on such abstract notions without being specifically taught. Teaching respect through modeling is likewise imperative to successful classroom management. :) Many blessings!

Violet Edwards | 2013/05/07

I think the suggestion of literally explaining that being a respectful listener means looking the speaker in the eye, nodding to acknowledge them, etc. Children do not always pick up on such abstract notions without being specifically taught. Teaching respect through modeling is likewise imperative to successful classroom management. :) Many blessings!

Randy Edes | 2013/04/13

It is so important that students respect each other

randy Edes | 2013/04/13

I will use this information

Jeri Hill | 2013/04/03

I would apologize so that students will see this behavior and model it in the future.

Mike Bera | 2013/01/23

It's good to be nice, it's necessary to be respectful, if you want to achieve harmony and permit a warm learning environment.

Sylvia | 2013/01/05

It is easy to forget that many students never learn what respectful behavior is all about in their home environments.

Rhonda Piper | 2012/11/24

Respect is like adapting to a new language, climate, surounding or culture and a smiling face does helps....

Rhonda Piper | 2012/11/24

Respect is like adapting to a new language, climate, surounding or culture and a smiling face does helps....

Alesia Christopher | 2012/09/04

I think it's rude when someone is talking to you and you show no eye contact but yet still you tell the person I'm listening to you. I try at all times to give my undivided attention to whom is talking to me because I know I it feels when someone doesn't.

andrea robertson | 2012/08/03

I will use this information for future use.

Helmut | 2012/03/09

Being nice may mean "listening to my friend when he or she talks."
I had to learn just that.

susan nielsen | 2011/08/28

I will apologize to my kindergarteners when I turn slightly or touch suppplies on my desk when they are telling me something. That way they know I, too, must remember to look at and have still hands when I listen.

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