Physical abuse was from before I can remember. Sexual abuse by my father started at around 4 and continued until he went to prison (Not CSA related) when I was 13. By then I was already well into puberty, and yup, that changed everything. Foster father also resorted to sexual abuse when I was 16...

Edit: I should learn to add... that some time before I reached puberty, there was also some sexual abuse from my older brother. (Damn, that was hard to type out...)

Edited by crazy gecko (03/15/1301:53 AM)

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I guess what I'm trying to sayIs whose life is it anyway because livin'Living is the best revengeYou can play-- Def Leppard

I was twelve, my sister was seven and most of the other victims - all girls - were 7-8. The molester was a next door boy of 16. Always sexual intercourse, never oral. I spent my childhood trying to keep him off my little sister while at the same time keeping everyone's secrets - mine, my sister's and my molester's.

It took me years to learn the damage it caused. It taught me to carry a significant sense of self-doubt, to compulsively keep secrets even when there was absolutely no dishonesty or need to do so, and to quietly allow others to step into the power positions in my life. See my thread on Patterns for an example.

Out of curiosity, I went to the "who's online" page and saw that an anonymous person was looking at this thread. Thank you, whoever you are! I didn't know it was here as the last post was a few years ago.

My own little slice of hell began at about age six. Then molestation, bullying, all sorts of issues happening all at once, both in and outside home, and undiagnosed ADD. By high school, I had experienced severe sexual damage from a husband and wife (age 6,) then serial molestation for years from an older neighborhood boy (until about 13?) followed by an unsuccessful attempt made by a much older male neighbor while I was in high school. But yeah, my entire CONCEPT of sex, the human body, intimacy, male friendship, trust, power, volition, and on and on either ceased to exist (around the time of the first incident at age 6) or were just disfigured beyond belief.

Trafficked ages 5 to 9 as I was traded around between 7 men, and my pattern was set after that till I found my "T". I am no longer defined by them, what they did or what they tried to convince me I was by what they said. I AM FREE.

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“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Sorry BuffaloCO and NM, To be abused as such a young age really, really, really hurts me terribly. I've looked at my grandsons that live upstairs from me starting when the oldest was 6 and the second 5. Now their 10 and 9 respectively and I can't even look at them anymore. To know that kids that young and so full of life and joy can lose their souls and childhoods to abuse and the depravity of others is beyond my comprehension. I have a hard time wrapping my head around all that. The looks on their faces as their souls are damaged and their childhoods taken away from them continually haunt me. I'm so sorry that anyone that young can have their souls and childhoods taken away at such a young age.

Buff, I'm so happy that you have been able to come to terms with your abuse. But unfortunately like a car that was in a big accident, even though the car has been fixed in a body shop it will never be the same. Your childhood has been taken away and your soul damaged even though you have been set free you aren't the way you came out of the factory when you were born.

I'm so really sorry that I had to witness first hand all that you both went through.

I've looked at my grandsons that live upstairs from me starting when the oldest was 6 and the second 5. Now their 10 and 9 respectively and I can't even look at them anymore. To know that kids that young and so full of life and joy can lose their souls and childhoods to abuse and the depravity of others is beyond my comprehension.

Jeff:

For me too, seeing my grandchildren and, witnessing, through them, the innocence of childhood, has jolted me into understanding the severe damage that even one incident of sexual abuse can cause in a child. Let alone many years of it.

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