Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Day 65- Postponement Character (Self-forgiveness continued)

This
is a continuation from my previous blogs: Day 63- Postponement Character, where I describe the character I play, and the effect it has on me and in my life., as postponement, procrastination and the internal battles and resistance it
creates. And Day 64- Postponement Character (self-forgiveness). Here I continue writing out self-forgiveness statements in order to rid myself of this
pattern using the Desteni writing tools. They are effective and they work and that is
why I continue with this process.

Self-Forgiveness on the 'voice in the head' that I allow to create postponement

(quick review)

Step 1) Idetifying the thoughts:

"the thoughts I have noticed with
regards to becoming possessed by the postponement character, are things such as
little flashes of, for example, Hotmail or facebook, like I should really go on
those sites right away! Or I’ll see flashed of people I want to hear from,
along with how they make me feel. I’ve seen myself do a ‘quick scan’ of my
life, to remind myself of all the loose ends that need to be tended to, and
then they all of a sudden become pressing issues. "

Step 2) Back Chat/inner voice

The inner voice associated with these thoughts, I can identify
as: “I have so much to keep up on online” (overwhelmed), “this is such boring
work, I’d rather be on facebook/Hotmail reading interesting/relevant things
instead” (big waves of irritation/boredom/impatience). “I need to find a better
job/I should do laundry/sign up for classes/decide where I’m going to live...”
(anxiety). Within all this, I become easily distracted and lose my focus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create
backchat from the initial thought(s) I participate within and as when I’m about
to begin a project which I use to sabotage myself and talk myself out of doing
the project.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat such as
“this is boring” “I should be doing something else more important” “this can
wait till later” I’d rather be doing something else” “I have so many other
pressing things to do right now” “this is soo much/too much” and “I have too
much to keep up on” to exist within and as me, which I use to sabotage myself
and talk myself out of standing up and taking actual steps towards completion
of a task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge
the task at hand with negative energy, wherein when I think about it I create a
resistance within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to charge activities within which I push myself, or activities that help me
expand, grow and/or change with particularly strong negative energy, wherein I
experience a very strong resistance to the task. Within this,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek
the polarity opposite experience-positivity- which I, as my mind, connects to
all the other things I suddenly define as ‘pressing’ ‘urgent’ and more
important matters’ than the task I originally set out to do, wherein I
experience myself as positive, fearful and excited when I bail on the task,
because I feel like I ‘dodged a bullet’ or ‘got out of work’ somehow, without
considering the fact that I’m actually only screwing myself,
cheating/tricking/fooling myself with energetic experiences that I accept and
allow to direct me instead of me directing myself Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate within and as positive/negative feeling experiences, by accepting
and allowing myself to charge the thoughts of the tasks at hand with
positive/negative energy in my mind, instead of simply using my mind as only a
practical tool to organize what I have to do and when, and not adding all sorts
of un-needed dimensions of relationships and reactions to that which I intend
on doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create
backchat in my mind about a task, to believe the backchat and participate
within and as it until I become the actual manifestation of the backchat, and
effectively postpone the task I set out to do.

The truth is- if I did everything right away or when I
planned on doing it, I would have time to do all this stuff that stresses me
out and preoccupies me. This postponement character perpetuates itself, because
when I have a task to do, it is easier to trigger this character because of all
the other stuff in life that I have put off. It all comes rushing to the fore,
strategically and conveniently as the mind switches over from motivated to
‘lock-down’ where all I want to do is other things instead of the one thing I
have set myself up to do

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About Me

Hi, my name is Kimberly Kline (nee Doubt). I stand for an Equal Money System- I stand for a dignified life for all beings and I will no longer accept or allow this system of human greed and self-interest that is causing suffering, starvation and abuse for the masses. Every 'solution' we have tried so far has failed- from the United Nations to the United Church. Individual self-change and leadership by example is where it's at. I humbly commit myself to this process and invite anyone who has respect for Life to join me and walk with me, beside me, as self-willed equals, until all are free from the global compromise humanity has created for itself.
Join Desteni for further discussions about world systems and humanity's place within them. Visit Desteni.org and Equalmoney.org.