January, 2005

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So today I was sitting around at my computer and Shalane was asleep in her bed, when I had this great idea. “Hey,” I said excitedly to Shalane’s sleeping form, “Let’s try and screw up EVERYBODY’s day!”

“Hey Latifa!” I exclaimed, “Let’s go out for dinner tonight! Oh, and hey, just for the hell of it, let’s leave Amanda behind!”

“Sure!” replied Latifa.

“Oh,” I added, “and make sure you really bug the hell out of Lauren by asking her over and over when we’re gonna go eat, and repeatedly telling her that Shalane and I made the decision that we’re gonna go eat out.”

Soon I had extended my evil grasp to Kevin, telling him to call Lauren at her most busy time, to which he eagerly agreed.

Lauren, innocent and unsuspecting, sat down at her computer to discuss dinner plans with Latifa, who, sure enough, as according to my plan, repeatedly asked her when we were going, and where, as well as stating that Shalane and I had held a grand meeting to decide that we were going out to eat, without letting anybody else have any input at all.

Amanda was also questioning Lauren about dinner plans, unaware that she was playing right into my slimy little fingers. Kevin, of course, took his cue right then and called Lauren. Lauren, only capable of so many tasks at once, wanted to go outside her dorm to talk to Kevin, so told both Amanda and Latifa she’d be right back, and forwarded to Amanda Latifa’s incessant questioning, and Latifa’s recitation of that we were going out to dinner, final answer, and that was that: an exclusively made decision by the World Rulers of room 224. Amanda, receiving this, promptly realised that this was a cleverly encoded message from me that really meant ‘I wouldn’t eat with you if you paid me a million dollars, amPod! Eat shit and die! We’re leaving you behind!” And told Lauren that she’d been left before, so fuck us all!

Latifa was oblivious.

Lauren came back to this message, along with more of Latifa’s unceasing questioning, and immediately ran into Shalane and I’s room, suddenly realising that we were at the heart of all of this!

“WHAT THE FUCK!” she screamed at me, since SSF was still in bed.

“Huh?” I tried to play innocent, though of course I knew exactly what was going on.

“Amanda and Latifa were talking to me about dinner plans, and suddenly Kevin called, and Caroline was sleeping, and so I sent Latifa’s messages to Amanda so they could talk and figure it out and when I came back Amanda had left me a message of, ‘I’ve been left behind before anyway, fuck you all’, and Latifa keeps asking me what we’re doing, and I know this is an evil plan by you, Emma, and SSF too!!!”

Lauren kept her quiet. I tried to avoid eye contact with anyone. It wasn’t nervousness that made me do it, but the fact that I didn’t want my guiltiness to shine through my eyes, so they would pick it up!

Everybody stood in silence for about 10 eons.

I tried to pass myself off as trying to make things better, “Weeeelll… we could go eat at the cafeteria for -”

Lauren walked out.

“- now.. and see what they’ve got, eat what we can, and if we’re hungry in a few hours, decide if we want to go to the Cove or out somewhere,” I finished, talking mostly to my keyboard.

“Sure,” said Latifa, staring aimlessly around the room.

“Lauren?” I called cautiously.

“Oh, she walked away,” clarified Latifa.

“Right,” I confirmed, and walked through the bathroom, only to see Lauren climbing under the covers. Though I wanted to mock my successful ruin-ation of her day to her, I somehow managed to subdue the desire, since I didn’t want to admit it was Shalane and me all along just yet.

“Don’t get your hopes up about us eating together tonight, Latifa,” I stated as I walked back into my room, inwardly demonically laughing within at my evil, evil plan slowly coming together.

“Oh, right,” said Latifa, “Yea, I donno what’s up with people today, is it the weather? I donno.”

“Yea, me either,” I lied. It was the Rulers of 224! ALL US!!

“Ok, well bye! Come get me guyz!” Latifa called out as she left.

I turned to SSF.

“I think they’re onto us, Shalane.”

“They seem to be,” mumbled SSF, as it became a non-sleeping form and stumbled to the computer, “I’ll go see how Lauren’s doing, she might need some more beating down.”

I waited until she returned with a report.

“She’s crying at her desk,” Shalane told me, grinning.

“Oh fuck yea!” I exclaimed, barely able to hold back my excitement, “And have you seen Amanda’s away message?! She thinks we hate her!”

“Well?” I asked, once she’d once again slithered back to our dark, damp ruling chamber.

“I knocked on the door, but she’s not there. Her roommate Kasey says that she’s really pissed because nobody could decide anything about dinner, since we put up those huge hall-blocking rocks that prevent people from venturing to each other’s rooms to ask them direct questions. She says we always leave her behind on purpose, so she went alone.”

“Our plan is working so well!” I exclaimed, “Without hardly lifting a finger, we have managed to ruin everybody’s dinner, including our own! Latifa’s run off somewhere unknown, so we cant eat with her, and everybody else hates us, and everyone else! What a thing to celebrate! LETS EAT!”

I love all you guys, but, come on. You know dinner is a democratic decision between all of us, majority rules. If someone comes up to Shalane or I and says something about dinner plans, we might reply, “Ok, let’s see if anybody else is interested.” But we don’t sit around and plot to secretly make our own elitist decisions about dinner, apart from Em and the time that we go. But we all know that’s just her obsessive-compulsive side going through. And there’s nothing wrong with 6:00pm. We also aren’t going to leave anybody behind. It’s true that sometimes, especially when it’s just one person picking someone up for lunch, it’s easy to forget that you’re not having it by yourself today, and it’s even easier to get lunch schedules confused. When there’s a couple of us, we remind each other about people, and we’ll come get you! We don’t want to eat without you, we like you! It’s true, I display the worst of you in this story, but I think that we’re all now even, ok? Let’s call it quits and stop here. If there’s some future confusion about dinner, let’s all get together and sort it out. Shalane was dozing, and nobody had mentioned the idea to me, save for Latifa requesting much earlier that we go out, to which I replied, “Ok, let’s see what everyone else says”, yet somehow we both seem to be getting the majority of the blame for the WWIII that has started tonight. WE LOVE YOU! WE WANT TO EAT WITH YOU!! Everybody hug and cry and let’s get on with the more important things in life, like Bosnia and the EU, Stargate, purple, underwear, and Queer as Folk, ok?

“We’re ruining your life,” I said kindly to the strangers we ate dinner with.

I got some boots today. They are nice boots. I have wanted them for many months. I got them on sale.

I hate them.

Often in life, it’s not the material thing that makes you happy. It’s the meaning behind it, or doors it opens, or the possibilities it brings. My junior year I had to buy a suit to compete for HOSA. I went to pick out one, and brought home a gorgeous suit. It suited me, it fit me, it looked great on me. But I hated it. Sometimes it’s not what you think that counts, it’s what someone else thinks. Sometimes it’s not how you look that counts, but how you look for someone else. Sometimes it’s not how something makes you feel that counts, but what that change in feeling means to another person.

Sometimes, it is about getting something for you. Often, it is about getting something that you, and someone else, will enjoy. Or that you will both benefit from. Otherwise, you hate that thing, because you cannot do with it what you really want to do: bring it to someone else and say, ‘look, this is for me, but it is you that makes it worth anything to me, it is for you I have it.’ Instead all it is is an empty reminder of what could be, or what might have been. It’s worthless, stupid.

This is the new blog template that I’ve worked not-very-hard on. But I like the title a lot. Should I keep it? Go back to the fuzzy kiwi (color changing) or back to the warrior-girl (just previous)? The nice thing about this one is for those of you without a huge screen resolution, it looks tons better. That was probably my main reason for changing. I’ve had this idea in my head for almost a year now, inspired by the picture you see at the top, but I’ve never carried it out.

Suggestions for other things to put in ‘The Emma’ on the top side bar over there –> are very welcome, because I can’t think of anything else.

There’s No Need for Suicide

When You’re Dying on the Inside

I have no refuge, it seems. Today my plan of sleeping all hours I was not required to be concious in my class is being attacked. In fact, the sanctity of my sleep is being attacked. No more do I sleep peacefully. My sleep is filled with sudden starts, awaking with a gasp and a flail. Nightmares stalk me as soon as I slip into the first wave of slumber. In my dreams I can’t see, I cant feel, I don’t know which way is up or down. I flip back and forth between being me, and suddenly finding myself outside my body. Not watching me, for I still cannot see, but unable to move, unable to feel. I can only hear people talking in gibberish all around me, while I try and force myself back into my body. When I succeed the electricity happens. From the top of my brain down my spine, spreading out along my entire body to the tips of my fingers, a shooting zap, a tingle, a stab of pain similar to that of being mildly electrocuted, but much more body-encompassing. Sometimes this wakes me, sometimes in my half-awake, half-asleep mind I simply remember it happening. I awake and I hurt without feeling. I feel a leftover charge, I know the electricity happened, but it’s so faint, so strange, it’s almost not a physical feeling. But then, it is. It hurts my brain the most. It’s a shock, a short-circuit in my brain. If it does wake me up, I am reluctant to return to sleep, as I know it will happen again. Sleep is supposed to be my escape! Sleep is supposed to cradle me in it’s arms, protecting me! Sleep is supposed to let my mind wander free from motal worries and stresses, let it explore other things, other happy times.

Except for Southern Baptist

So I definitely have a thing for BMWs and Jags. While saving Caroline today from locking her keys out of her car I passed one of the new BMWs and wow, they are snazzy. I wanted to stare for longer, but I was afraid someone would see me and thinking I was thinking of stealing it or something. (Since the skinny white girl with the long brown braid carrying a purple glitter lamp just purchased on sale from BB&B; is so suspicious.)

Anyway, yes, I got a purple glitter lamp today from Bed Bath and Beyond for just 10$. It is so awesome. I am so glad I bought it. I also got a VERY soft purple pillow from Pier 1 for only 15$. I am happy I have it, too.

So, it looks like, after much trial and tribulation, and 2 hours on the phone with Apple support, that my iPod is working. It’s name is emPod. (Technically emPod2 since my name is also emPod. Think Alien Egg Pod Mate names. amPod. emPod.) I am happy that it works, happy it is purple, and happy it glows in the dark. Slowly I am beginning to like it after wanting to throw it out my window for not just working.

Nothing super-exciting is going on, except we’re looking at houses and apartments for next year around Georgetown. Tired of being on campus in a dorm, want to cook our own food so we don’t have to eat PORK BUTT (see previous post). So far things are looking promising. Plus, it means I can buy things like a cool chair and desk and not have to worry about moving them around… at least until med school. God, times flies doesn’t it? Seems like it’ll be tomorrow I’ma have to be moving my stuff to some med school somewhere. Oh btw, no matter where I go, I promise you will be able to reach me on my cell phone. Because my phone number is so awesome and has my name in it, I have decided that even if I live overseas, I will be paying some phone company at least minimum contract so I can keep it FOREVER!

I didn’t loose my mind

It was mine to give away

So here I am back at school once again. Some good news (about the only good news) is that my new iPod should arrive on Thursday or Friday, which is good. I hope it works. I’ve also ordered a purple iPod Evo2 iskin to keep it safe and sound. I am happy because it’s going to be purple. That should arrive Wednesday or Thursday as well. It’s gonna look as cool as this:

Album of the moment is Robbie Williams ‘Greatest Hits’. I enjoy this album much. I really dont have much else to say, except that it’s very cold, and I should be doing hw. I cracked my knee really hard yesterday and I think I managed to give myself a hairline fracture on my *shudder* kneecap. So my kneecaps are being very protected right now, since there is an increased risk of them falling off. For those of you who don’t know, that is my number one fear.

/* I just did the unsmart thing of trying to find a picture of a kneecap to illustrate that little blurb and searched ‘kneecap’ on google. Oh god. *Clutches legs* */

I feel in a little of a daze. Life is so fast, so confusing. People are always playing tricks on you, acting one way to your face and then turning around and doing something else. Sometimes it’s all you can do to keep your eyes on people. The bitter taste of carmex is stuck in my mouth.

I want so much to write something, but even on this blog, what can I write? Nothing. I drift further and further away from the edge of reality every day.

RETURN TO THE DORM: The Amazing Story of One Girl Who Returns to Finish What She Started So Long Ago… HER EDUCATION

No Refills

Yea I’m up at an insane time, I know. *sigh* It’s cuz I’m 7 hours ahead, on Swiss time, so I’ve been going to bed at like 9, falling asleep standing up, and waking up at 2:30am yesterday and 5am this morning. It’s much more lonely this morning, last night there were still people online to talk to.

So I said I’d post about skiing in Switzerland and America, but then I thought about it and I realised that nobody probably cared, and I’m lazy, so I let the idea of a big comprehensive post go. It’ll just be short

Price:

Ok, the Swiss Franc (not in the EU) is roughly equivalent to the American dolla right now. ‘Oh great!’ you may think, ‘Easy price conversion and reasonable prices!’ WROANG. Everything in Switzerland is fucking expensive as all hell. A bottle of coke costs 5 francs/5$. Three hot dogs, two plates of chips (french fries), some soup, and a sausage plate for lunch on the slopes cost about 90 francs/90$. WTF. Ok it is on the slopes, but even in town and around the prices are still way too much. For the amount went spent on just renting skis and getting week passes to the slopes, we could have gone to Brekenridge, stayed in a 5 star hotel for 2 weeks, gotten 1.5 weeks worth of ski passes, and gotten skis, with a little left over. That’s my dad’s calculations so it might be some off, but the point is still made. If don’t have fuckloads of money, and you are American (aka, being paid in the American dollar), you better take out a second and third and fourth mortgage if you’re headed to Switzerland.

Atmosphere:

Here is one area where Switzerland comes out tops. You just cant beat knowing you’re in the fucking Alps skiing around, and coming home to this little town that really is a little village nestled into those fucking huge mountains that spread in all directions. They also had up a little Christmas fete thing when I was there, that just made the town all the more Christmassy and lovely. It really was a very beautiful place.

People:

I always forget when I go to Europe that the people are rude. Well actually, in Portugal and Holland it was ok, but in France and the French part of Switzerland (where we were) they’re just RUDE. Of course there is a common connection between the French and the French-Swiss, but I’ll let you figure that one out. Ski-lift/tow lines are a pain at any resort, but in Switzerland you can’t just stand there, because there isn’t really a line, just a huge mass of people, all pushing and shoving and walking over your skis/board so they can be at the front! It’s like going back to jr. high, except there’s father’s there yelling at their kids to push the 6 year old girl over so he can get in front of her. It’s almost scary. People also don’t say excuse me if they hit you, don’t bother to avoid you when on the slope, and just in general seem cold. Of course there are exceptions, but I’m talking about in general. Of course, the French don’t like the Brits (we don’t like them either), so when in person-to-person interaction, that might be why they were short and cold, but on the slopes or in line, we could have been Swiss, or Hollandish (Dutch), or whatever, they just lack manners. Also, they all speak French. Though not British, if you’re American, don’t expect them to take kindly to you. Believe me.

Quality:

The runs were not very well maintained. They are lower than the Rockies and so get less snow, meaning that if there are 3 days without snow, the runs are really brown, and they don’t seem to have any snow machines to keep them in good condition, they just put up those little crossed poles everywhere (or don’t, and keep you guessing). The views are really extraordinary, and again, you can’t escape saying to yourself ‘I’m in the Alps!’, but the quality of the runs is not so hot. Of course, this is on the very-extensively skied main/bottom runs, where we stayed with my brother and two sisters, so if you go higher up it is probably much better.

In the end, I’d rather go back to Brekenridge than Switzerland. Plus, more daylight hours, since it’s not as far North.

Well that didn’t end up being as short as I’d hoped. In iPod news, my iPod has been sent back, and whether they will be sending me another one or sending my money back so I can buy another one, I don’t know yet. I’ll call today and find out. I really just want an iPod that works. *Sigh*.

I feel weird after returning from the UK. I guess it’s the feeling I usually have, except joined by another feeling that this time… it won’t be going away any time soon. Usually when school starts it’s all good, but not this time. I feel rather down, so forgive me my unenthusiastic-ness. It just all seems rather pointless right now.

I am Emma. I am a dual-citizen: half British and half American - but I was born in Norway. I love potatoes and purple. I'm shy, but not. I work on computers, bikes, and DNA, and I play violin. Here is the story of a transplant from Texas to Scotland...