Jim Fall: When you can’t seem to win for losing

Friday

Ever have one of those days when just about everything seems like it wants to go wrong — and it does?

Ever have one of those days when just about everything seems like it wants to go wrong — and it does?

They don’t come around my house very often, but when they do, they are usually something to write home about. Or at least a column.

If you’ve ever had one of those days, you can imagine what it’s like when it stretches out for what seems like a month, but is really only three, or four, days in a row.

Well, I can tell you it happened to me last week, and it ain’t fun.

It started out innocently enough, with a couple of conversations with friends about a variety of subjects: getting ready for winter around the house; moving more into the digital age of cellular communications and entering yet another phase in the electronic world of trying to keep up with the Joneses.

What follows is a true report of the week’s events, in roughly the same sequence as they took place.

When it became evident that it was probably time to add an additional layer of cover to my bedding, I figured, “What the heck, why not just go all out,” which in my case meant deciding that perhaps enough time had elapsed and that the spread might be due a washing. But why stop at the spread — a king-size Mizzou gold number accented by a black throw at the foot — when the light feather comforter probably could use a little freshening up, too?

It didn’t take a genius to deduce that my Kenmores were not designed to handle items of that magnitude, so it was off to the Laundromat to avail myself of the industrial-grade equipment they offer.

To make a long story short, the king-size spread now fits my queen bed much better than it did before, and I am confident that none — or at least not as much — of the dust particles I had cleaned from the small circulating fan in the room remained next to my sleeping self. I do have to admit the comforter gave me a start when the wash cycle was complete and I prepared to move it to the adjacent dryer. I panicked when I saw what I thought to be the feathers from inside all over the outside. But they just shown more plainly through the wet cover, so my fear was misplaced.
The next ordeal(s) dealt with cellular telephone service not being what I thought it should be.

First, I was informed that delays in notification of voice mails I received was a “capacity problem.”
“Mine or yours?” I asked, and was somewhat relieved when assured my personal portable unit was working properly. That problem had been resolved — rather effortlessly, and at no additional cost to the customer.

Next came an encounter with the OnStar people, providers of the telephone and emergency notification system that came standard equipment in my year-old General Motors vehicle.
Sometime, and only sometime, when I attempt to make a call using the “hands free” system, which, by the way, is not free, it works perfectly. Other times, the system initiates itself, and then disappears into cyberspace. No ring, no connection, no nothing.

I called into service central and after maybe a half hour was assured that all systems were working perfectly and I should try it again. Connection, but too much static to hear the contacted party.

In a follow-up call, I was informed that service was not available in the 64468 ZIP code area, perhaps because my local cellular company was in some way inadequate. There was no response when I said I used only a cell phone, without problems, (except for the aforementioned delay in receiving voice mail messages). When used twice, only two days later, OnStar worked — perfectly.

I followed that conversation with an e-mailed “Contact Us” complaint and received a response apparently composed of paragraphs 1, 3, 4 and 7 from the response manual.

“Services are available to the Subscriber for the Subscriber's OnStar equipped vehicle when the vehicle is within the operating range of a wireless carrier that is part of the OnStar wireless service network. Services are subject to wireless transmission limitations caused by capacity limitations as well as atmospheric or topographical conditions and Services are also limited by the electrical system design and architecture of vehicles.” Yep.

More about roaming agreements, and then, “OnStar will use reasonable efforts to contact the appropriate Emergency Services Provider and request assistance, but cannot promise that they will respond to the call in a timely manner or at all.” Reassuring, to say the least.

The final straw for the week. Attempting to establish an electronic banking service to allow me to save 42 cents on every bill I pay by paying online.

If my time is worth no more than minimum wage in Missouri, I have already invested enough to mail nearly 75 monthly bills, which should get me through the next year or so. And I’m not altogether sure — of anything.

And that was the week that was.

Maryville Daily Forum

Never miss a story

Choose the plan that's right for you.
Digital access or digital and print delivery.