After finding roughly three-fucking-zillion exoplanets, it appears that the Kepler telescope is no longer going to hunt for the little balls of hope out there in the cosmos. It was a good goddamn run. But it needs repairs to maintain its accuracy, and NASA says they probably wouldn’t take.

Well shoot. Back in the day Tatooine could get by being a piece of shit desert world because it offered the novelty of two suns. Insert binary sunset. Now it doesn’t have anything to fall back upon. Researches have found a planet for four suns. A planet that farts on Tatooine will kissing its mother. A tragic tale.

Deep space examination continues to improve in its accuracy, and with that it brings continual humility to our speculative asses. How many times do we have to say “oh shit we found something unlike anything we’ve previously thought possible!” before we grab the reins on our humanity swag and drink some humility.

Ain’t this a hell of a find. New astronomical wizards have come to the conclusion that every star has planets. Take that factoid, and all of a sudden the possibility of Earth-like planets skyrockets. Or is it spacerockets? Yeah, I know. Groan.

The Kepler mission has kept us space zealots in writhing moments of euphoria for a while now, but this one is a doozy. Courtesy of its All-Seeing-Eye (listen that’s how I imagine it, okay) they’ve discovered a new class of exoplanet: the waterworld. Insert easy jokes.