Gold Member

I think on a whole society is becoming a lot more knowledgeable and accepting of the gay lifestyle but i wonder if societies still has its issues with gay men and women

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I'm not sure society as a whole is getting more accepting of gays. I do believe the people that are accepting are being more open about it than in times past. But there is a sizable segment of our population led by the fundies and right wing media that are doing all they can to make life miserable for gay and lesbian couples.

Gold Member

Living in nyc, I have only been the target of discrimination once. I know friends who have been through a lot more.
Although it may seem society is more accepting, I can't say that gay rights have made major strides.
My family is accepting of who I am and love and adore my bf....well, who wouldn't.
As for friends, I would say it is evenly split but curiously enough there isn't much interaction between the two groups.
At work, I'm out and causes no ripples at all.
So here in nyc, I am very fortunate but there is a wide vast country beyond ny where gays still struggle on a daily basis.

VerifiedGold Member

I, apparently, pass for straight, so I don't attract much ire. Even tho I live in an ultra-conservative area, deep within the reddest of the red states, the only discriminatory experience I can think of was once when a nurse that I was laughing and joking with turned curt when I asked her to draw some blood for an HIV test.

I never fear for my safety, anywhere, but then I had three older brothers who did a fair job of grooming me to be un-intimidatable. I am often bored outta my mind, tho. "Family Friendly" communities tend to offer very little entertainment that I find of interest.

I have lots of what I would call acquaintances that are gay, but none of the people I think of as friends are gay.

I come from a family of religious fundamentalist whack-jobs that only ever leave the ranch to make a run into town for groceries. They, basically, live much as tho it were still 1835. They think the concept of co-ed dorms is shameful. To even broach the subject of my sexuality would be pointless. I'd never bring anyone who's important to me home to meet them. Not for fear that they or I wouldn't have their acceptance, but more cuz I don't want anyone to know I'm related to those people. Ironically, I think I have to thank them for making me rather unflappable, tho. After living with all that crazy, I have a hyper-developed sense of self and couldn't possibly care less what other people think of me.

Being gay and visiting Planned Parenthood are the two things that make you enemy number one, in this community. The same protestors that yell and scream at young girls who visit PP show up at every single one of the activities that the GBLT student organization schedules for gay awareness week, toting their placards with clever phrases like "Satan is a Flamer" on them. The largest club on campus is the Young Conservatives of Texas and they petition every session of the student government to have university funding pulled from all clubs that support GBLT students.

I wouldn't say that all this affects the way that I act, but it makes my life, here, very dull. Everybody is so set on being just like everyone else that it makes it quite difficult to find someone to talk to that has original opinions and genuinely interesting things to say. In fact, on the few instances when I meet someone, here, who is capable of carrying on a conversation about something other than how much they love football or Jesus, I nearly fall over dead from shock.

I've probably mentioned this before, on these boards and others, but I've never really considered marriage to be much more than pointless artifice. However, our government has intertwined so many fundamental rights into the custom that every partnered citizen deserves. I support gay marriage because the present system of institutionalized discrimination unjustly denies those rights to gay people, even tho I will most likely never avail myself of the opportunity should it come to pass.

Gold Member

Are you affected on a daily basis. By discrimination, looks, stares, comments etc? Not directly, no. But I guess that if I'm just walking down the aisle at the grocery store, most people don't immediately say "He's GAY!" I'm just another person shopping for groceries.

Do you feel safer and more relaxed if you stay within a majority based gay community? Not really, but that's a trick question. It is probably a bit safer for me to walk down the sidewalk in Dupont Circle, holding hands with my partner, than it would be for me to do that say, in Anacostia. Safer, possibly. More relaxed is a different thing, though. Because of my non-descript, older appearance, I don't really quite "fit in" in a majority-gay community.

Do you have a even amount or more gay/straight friends? Not really sure about this one, either. I do have a lot of friends. Most of the ones who have been friends for 20 years or more are straight, most of the ones whom have goten to know over the last 5 years or so are gay. But as for meeting new people and developing a friendship, it really doesn't matter to me about their orientation, as long as my orientation doesn't matter to them.

Are family members accepting of you being gay? and do they accept your partner(s)? My siblings are accepting, and before my Mom died, she was very accepting and loving (and a devout devout devout Christian, too.) My siblings adore my partner. A few of my cousins are cool with it, but a few of the other cousins, and all the aunts and uncles refuse to accept it.

Do you let the negative reactions of others affect you or do you ignore them and go about your own bussiness? How they feel is their choice and their problem, not mine, and there's nothing I can do to help them. If they "don't approve" of homosexuality, fuck 'em. They shouldn't do it. And their approval means less to me, than what Millie McDonald of Podunk, TN had for dinner 3 weeks ago.

Do you live in a area where being gay is more obvious/non-accepted, and if so does that affect how you act? I live in northern Virginia, suburbs of Washington, DC. Lots of gays and lots of discrimination against us. Since my normal natural bearing is not especially "obvious," I don't change how I act. I'm just me.

How do feel about gay marriage and the laws, debates surrounding it? I have yet to see a logical, cohesive argument against gay marriage. The way I see it, the government should not be able to "have it both ways." Marriages rights and benefits should be extended to all adult citizens, or none.

Opponents of gay marriage like to state their reasons, but are never willing to acknowledge the flip side of those reasons. In other words, they don't want their reasoning to be applied equally and consistently. Straw-man arguments are always used to cover the bottom line: they want to say "I don't like it, so I want to prevent you from doing it." They want to hold power of line-item veto in my choice of marriage partner, but they don't want me to hold that same power over them.

Lee, thank you for posting this thread. I hope my answers help, and I look forward to reading some of the posts of other members.

Gold Member

Are you affected on a daily basis. By discrimination, looks, stares, comments etc? I get stares, looks due to my skin color mostly, when I am alone. When I am with Bubba in FL or DC, we sometimes get looks and stares--at the train station, airport, movie theatre. Mind you, we are not kissing or holding hands (well, we DID kiss at the airport). We even got stared at by kids and couples as we drove around (I had my hand on his shoulder).

Do you feel safer and more relaxed if you stay within a majority based gay community? Hmmm. I feel safe most places. There is, for me, a heightened sense of freedom when I am in Rehoboth Beach, DE or Fort Lauderdale where the gay community is equal in numbers to the straight community. It feels great to mostly be able to hold hands, kiss, hug, have open conversations in Target, etc. without all the stares as most people who live in those areas are most accustomed to seeing all the varieties of love.

Do you have a even amount or more gay/straight friends? I don't know. I can say that I have both gay and straight friends and that I adore all my friends, regardless of orientation, as long as they accept me for who I am. I would say that my friends are even in number overall.

Are family members accepting of you being gay? and do they accept your partner(s)? My mom and her side is mostly accepting--they do not care. My dad is having issue with is and I am not totally out on his side, although that will be changing very soon. My mom has already accepted Bubba even though she has not met him. She can tell how happy he makes me and has said that my happiness is her only concern. My dad may be another story--time will tell.

Do you let the negative reactions of others affect you or do you ignore them and go about your own bussiness? I don't. Other people's reactions to my orientation are their issue. As I have said in other threads, when you TRULY love every iota of you, other people's opinions begin to matter less and less. When we got stares in FTL, I mostly ignored them (or in the case of the guy who made his GF stare into the car), I fed into it by giving Bubba a big sloppy kiss at the red light.

Do you live in a area where being gay is more obvious/non-accepted, and if so does that affect how you act? I am not sure how accepted it is. I act like I act all the time--I am masculine and act accordingly.

How do feel about gay marriage and the laws, debates surrounding it? I feel that if the gov't is going to allow people to be economically joined (which is all that happens from a legal perspective when you file a marriage certificate and have a church/courthouse ceremony), they I feel that ANY two committed people should be able to do so, regardless of gender. Allowing this to be a religious debate violates the fundamental principles of separation of church and state, not to mention the 14th Amendment.

Gold Member

How do feel about gay marriage and the laws, debates surrounding it? I feel that if the gov't is going to allow people to be economically joined (which is all that happens from a legal perspective when you file a marriage certificate and have a church/courthouse ceremony), they I feel that ANY two committed people should be able to do so, regardless of gender. Allowing this to be a religious debate violates the fundamental principles of separation of church and state, not to mention the 14th Amendment.

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The procedure needs to be changed concerning marriage licences. From a civil standpoint, it should be a matter of getting a licence on civil ceremony or religious ceremony required.

Then those who want a marriage ceremony blessed by God under the marriage covenant in the Bible, ( The Biblical marriage covenant has three personalities, husband, wife and God.) they can go to the minister and schedule that as well.

Part of the problem is that marriage is both a civil and religious term. But to most Christians they perceive it as totally religious in nature.

To do what I am suggesting would make the church ceremony just that: A religious service that is not related to the civil marriage except that most churches would require that the couple have a civil marriage certificate to be religiously married in the church.

Gold Member

I will target this at the gay sector of this board as they are the ones who can answer my questions.

I think on a whole society is becoming alot more knowledgable and accepting of the gay lifestyle but i wonder if societies still has its issues with gay men and women

Are you affected on a daily basis. By discrimination, looks, stares, comments etc?

Do you feel safer and more relaxed if you stay within a majority based gay community?

Do you have a even amount or more gay/straight friends?

Are family members accepting of you being gay? and do they accept your partner(s)?

Do you let the negative reactions of others affect you or do you ignore them and go about your own bussiness?

Do you live in a area where being gay is more obvious/non-accepted, and if so does that affect how you act?

Sorry, alot of questions i know

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1)I am discriminated, stared at and handed sarcastic and mean spirited comments all the time. How much is from being gay and how much is from being me, is debatable if they don't say what it is they are attacking me for. In some ways this is better. Look, I'm a bit wild, a bit loud, I have one natural leg and I look like a nut case, toss in the occasional 'Oh Betty' with a gay twist and it makes me wonder what exactly people find so fascinating or annoying. Welcome to life.

2)I feel less safe in most primarily queer communities--sort of makes me a hobbling target.

3)My friendships are not based on a person's sexuality. If a person is decent and has a sense of humor and a general love of liveliness and life, that's all that matters--they can be queer, hetero, bi-sexual, transgendered, asexual or anything else, as long as they're not morbid and filled with negative vibes.

4)The majority of my family does not particularly accept me--bottom line is they didn't get me years ago and the sexuality is only a part of it. I have always listened to my own fiddler and with rare exceptions, my family has been of the old school --'education and work and family' sort. They are somewhat boring. Before I exited Senor closet I was twice married, I have 3 children, 1 of whom gets me and is fine, 1 who has had no contact with me for 15 years (his request) and 1 who sends cards to me at holiday and birthday but has told me in no uncertain terms not to do the same for them.

5 and 6) I live here--whereever that may be at any given time. I don't really give a rats ass on whether people like how I behave myself or not. Employers over the years have at times been perplexed by my behaviors but leave me be since I do a stellar job. Except during my drunken sprees over the years, I have been respectful of otheres, no loud parties, no loud music, no blaring television, and polite in most ways (I do unfortuanately often mutter sarcastic barbs at yuppedy duppedy types with their pencil thin bodies (3=1) their television style haircut, and their phony college voices. The fun comes when they drop the facade and their real voice comes slithering out--hard not to burst out laughing at that point; but, I try--and usually succeed--in controlling myself..

Are you affected on a daily basis. By discrimination, looks, stares, comments etc?

Unless I'm hanging out with a gay friend, I don't recieve any negative looks, my boyfriend and I don't look or act gay. Actually, this "macho" guy that was 5'8" decided to say a few things about one of my friends who was gay, and I got very physical.
Do you feel safer and more relaxed if you stay within a majority based gay community?

I know when it's ok to hold my boyfriend's hand depending on what parts of Orlando I'm in.
Do you have a even amount or more gay/straight friends?

I have way more straight friends, gay people can be annoying But no I have more straight friends.
Are family members accepting of you being gay? and do they accept your partner(s)?

The only family that knows about my sexuality is my mother, and father. I told my father to piss him off (he's never been around) and he hates it. My mother LOVES my boyfriend, but doesn't approve. My sister calls him bubba, and always bugs me about when he is comming over.
Do you let the negative reactions of others affect you or do you ignore them and go about your own bussiness?

I ignore comments made to me, and others, I might respond with something quick witted, or b*tchy, but unless they threaten physical harm I ignore it.
Do you live in a area where being gay is more obvious/non-accepted, and if so does that affect how you act?

I live in a rural town (village, lol) and I would never show affection around others (I don't like PDA anyways). Our town revolves around football, and band (neither of which I'm in) and going out on the lake drinking beer and eating venison. Sad to say I've grown used to it all.

Regarding gay marriages, I don't see how it's an issue. You say it's a bond between a man and woman set forth by God (for all his good little Christians) but not everyone is a Christian. I'm a Christian, and just because I love a man I can't marry him? Most straight people don't even know what it means to be married, let alone do they honor it. So many marriages fail, they argue gay love isn't love, but I know a 60 year old couple that has been together for 40ish years, but only went through a union a few years ago, that's ridiculous.

I Should start with saying that I'm from Holland, that makes it different for me then most people around here who are from the states

Are you affected on a daily basis. By discrimination, looks, stares, comments etc?Not on a daily basis. Holland is really relaxed in these things, however this tolerant reputation we have is slightly deminishing. Especially in the big cities in Holland we have some problems with non-dutch people with other ethnic backgrounds that live here. Muslims for example can be pretty intolerant and they might behave like that sometimes. But in general as a gay in Holland you can't complain!

Do you feel safer and more relaxed if you stay within a majority based gay community?
In general yes. I still have the feeling that I do not have to watch my attitude and behaviour. I also can hit on men without having the threat that they might be str8

Do you have a even amount or more gay/straight friends?no, more gay friends but almost onlu str8 female friends!

Are family members accepting of you being gay? and do they accept your partner(s)?
Yes, completely

Do you let the negative reactions of others affect you or do you ignore them and go about your own bussiness?
Always ignore. I don;t care that much, sometimes it is just embarrasing...that's all

Do you live in a area where being gay is more obvious/non-accepted, and if so does that affect how you act?
I live in a neighourhood with slightly more immigrants then in other places, so there are more people who might act intolerant.

How do feel about gay marriage and the laws, debates surrounding it?
Gay marriage is accepted in Holland. That's good...marriage is just the bondage between two people who want to share their lifes together!

Gold Member

I will target this at the gay sector of this board as they are the ones who can answer my questions.

I think on a whole society is becoming a lot more knowledgeable and accepting of the gay lifestyle but i wonder if societies still has its issues with gay men and women

Are you affected on a daily basis. By discrimination, looks, stares, comments etc?

Do you feel safer and more relaxed if you stay within a majority based gay community?

Do you have a even amount or more gay/straight friends?

Are family members accepting of you being gay? and do they accept your partner(s)?

Do you let the negative reactions of others affect you or do you ignore them and go about your own bussiness?

Do you live in a area where being gay is more obvious/non-accepted, and if so does that affect how you act?

Sorry, a lot of questions i know

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(1) There's a lot of country-club, low-key discrimination thrown around by people who assume I'm straight and as bigoted as they are. It's so understated it could be missed by someone who wants to ignore it. But the underlying premise is this: All right-thinking people ("right" in both senses of the word, I might add) believe that gay is NOT good, and we (the speaker assumes I am straight as well) share that presumption.

It's usually based on religion, upbringing, or degree of comfort with difference.

But yes, I'm usually affected at least once a day, often more than that.

(2) NO, I'm not "safer" or "more relaxed," because I'm not a white 30-something club queen trying to look like he's 20-something. Gayborhoods have their in-groups and out-groups also.

And even if I'm temporarily in a gay-friendly space, five seconds after I leave that space I'm back in repressed, homo-hating "culture."

Do I sound bitter? Maybe it's because I can't even hold hands with the man I love without "inviting" physical violence. That's why when I see cute young heterosexual things all over each other in public, I really want to spray a firehose on them and shout "get a room!"

(3) I have a small, select group of friends. More straight friends than gay, though that's slowly changing. Perhaps I'm becoming more tolerant of aging club queens, or maybe they're growing up--or some combination of the two.

(4) The answer to this variant on the age-old "does your mother know you're gay, and what does she think about it" is various. First, it shouldn't matter what your parents think of your sexuality; it is what it is, and exists whether "approved" or not. Second, "family members" means many different things to different people, especially LGBT and questioning people (and all those other categories I've forgotten at the moment) who've learned that "family" is created, not the group of people into whose lives you're arbitrarily born.

Third, my immediate family and some of my extended family know I'm gay. For many years, I felt I could not bring my boyfriend home to meet the family, because (a) my mother was incredibly anti-gay and my 'whipped father went along with whatever she said and (b) several people in my extended family, both sides, are racist (and my boyfriend for twelve years was a beautiful Black/Cherokee man).

More later on how he and I occasionally weren't served in restaurants.

Fourth, I came out to my father's father when he was 98 (in 2003). We hadn't known each other well while I was growing up, due to a family schism based on my grandfather's loudly expressed concern that marriage to my mother would be VERY bad for my father--although he turned out to be entirely correct, my upbringing included only TWO (count them, TWO) times when my father's parents visited us, so we really didn't know each other well at all. My grandfather turned out to be a remarkably accepting person who remembered what I'd told him and remembered not to assume that I was heterosexual. Quite a feat for a man who was nearing 100!

[Side note: He was also a deacon at First Baptist Church in Greensboro for many years and was highly religious. He died in April 2005, four months after reaching the age of 100. I wish I could have had more time with him, but what I had was amazing.]

And I came out to a couple of cousins who were in my high school class (male cousins on my mother's side of the family), both of whom said they'd guessed and wondered why the hell I'd waited so long to tell them.

But I have an ex-beauty-queen aunt (by marriage) who keeps asking why I don't ever seem to mention a girlfriend. I think she's a bit clueless. Well, maybe more than a bit clueless. I've overheard her husband (my mother's racist brother) telling her she should "figure it out" after a particularly amusing conversation at a recent family reunion.

So it's a mixed bag.

(5) When you're not served in a restaurant because you're obviously a male couple, it's kind of difficult to ignore the reaction and go about your business. And yes, that happened to us several times during the 12 years I was with my ex.

Generally, though, I do try to remember that the problem is in bigots' attitudes and behaviors, not mine. That tends to give me a thicker skin these days than I used to have; when I was in college, I wore "gay" on my sleeve, which really didn't help matters any (though it did persuade drunken--and questioning--frat boys to come to my dorm and try to inquire about nonreciprocal blowjobs while I was hanging out with friends in the lounge--yet another way that homophobia plays out in this fucked-up "culture"). Now, I have a bit less patience with bigotry and call people on it more readily when it manifests.

(6) I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt: North Carolina. Did you ever hear of Jesse Helms? The former senator from my state? Ironically, he was brought low by prostate cancer--ironic first by the method by which it was diagnosed (a thick finger up his ass), but doubly ironic because increased sexual activity is actually good for the prostate. There's some poetic justice in both of those ironies.

If I said he was hysterically homophobic, that would not express the full extent to which he was convinced that the world was going to hell and that we homosexuals were the prime mover of that "cultural" destruction. As though we homosexuals chose which gender made our cocks get hard.

Do I feel safe here? I have NO RIGHTS. None whatsoever. Anything I think I have is only contingent on whether someone else thinks I'm a citizen or even a human being. This is the problem with the current conception that "the majority rules"--the minority is fully and completely disenfranchised, unless your particular minority is on the "approved" list for lip service to be paid to your needs.

[I'll pass on the discussion of gay marriage, since I have already posted in a thread in "Et Cetera" on that point.]

This country is not free, Lee_M. Anyone who tells you it is also has some wonderful land to sell you in Florida, somewhere in the middle of the state below Orlando. Be careful, though--it's a little wet when it rains. You might have to put up with a damp basement.

My life partner and I are looking into moving to Canada or Spain so we can live in a place where we have the legal rights we expected to enjoy here.

NCbear (who's letting a lot of accumulated bitterness over being rejected frequently and systematically by his home country show a bit much, but who doesn't mind if it helps people understand some part of what he feels)

P.S. There is no such thing as "the gay lifestyle." Homosexuality is not monolithic. The only thing gay men share is the fact that we get turned on by other men. The only thing lesbians share is the fact that they get turned on by other women. We are all different people who happen to be homosexual in our orientation--just as you, a heterosexual person, should not be defined exclusively or even predominantly by that fact.

Oh, but wait. In this country, and in many parts of the world, we homosexuals share something else: The certain knowledge that there are plenty of heterosexual people who would happily kill us--wipe all of us off the face of the earth--if they knew they could get away with it and if it would be a "final solution."

"NCbear: (1) There's a lot of country-club, low-key discrimination thrown around by people who assume I'm straight and as bigoted as they are."

I love making people feel stupid about the bigot remarks they make. Most people assume because I play all kinds of sports, have a lot of girl who like me, and can hold an intelligent conversation that I'm quite the STRAIGHT ladies man. They talk to me about all the "damn homos" taking over the world, expecting me (because I'm an intelligent active young man) to just sit and agree with them. So it's awesome to argue, and put them down, verbally, because they feel like they didn't deserve. They're given a taste of their own medicine. That's how cynical I am, but only towards biggots.

Gold Member

Are you affected on a daily basis. By discrimination, looks, stares, comments etc?

Right now since I'm long distance with my boyfriend, I'm just one guy that doesn't draw much attention. Also, I tend to appear more straight in general, so that isn't a problem. However, when I'm with the bf, I really look forward to the time he will feel comfortable holding hands in public. He's pretty much against PDA, so it's not too often we get any looks or anything.

Do you feel safer and more relaxed if you stay within a majority based gay community?

I'm from Nebraska, but I've also spent some time in Capitol Hill in Seattle. I think it's definitely a different feeling spending time in a truly gay/gay-friendly area. I know I feel more relaxed, but in truth I doubt it would be a place where I'd want to live.

Do you have a even amount or more gay/straight friends?

I have a few gay friends, but most of my friends are straight.

Are family members accepting of you being gay? and do they accept your partner(s)?

My extended family really doesn't know yet. Both of my parents have known since last July. My dad is quite in general on it, but he's not much of a talker in general. My mom is really supportive and wants to see my bf every time he's in town, so that's really awesome to have going. She also told me she wants me to go to a parade event with her in a couple months.

Do you let the negative reactions of others affect you or do you ignore them and go about your own bussiness?

I haven't experienced any strong negative reactions yet. At least not to my face, so I haven't had to deal with this aspect to much degree yet.

Do you live in a area where being gay is more obvious/non-accepted, and if so does that affect how you act?

Nebraska is pretty conservative overall. However I'm in a college town right now, so it's a lot more liberal than the state. I probably tone some things down and don't speak too much in public about "my boyfriend." I guess I'm still shy about being gay and all.

How do feel about gay marriage and the laws, debates surrounding it?
It's something that anyone related to religious organizations should have no influence over. I think our country discriminates against anyone who doesn't fit into the mold of what is accepted. In the end, gay couples get screwed on insurance, benefits, taxes, etc. The list goes on and on. I'm sure a lot of companies as well as the government benefit by not providing these things to gay couples. Sometime I'd love to see a true figure attached to this, so the public could understand the some of the real forces besides hatred that are influencing this debate.

First off I want to address NCBear. There are many many places in the US that have a much more open acceptance of gays. Now I'm sure that there is some charm and positive things in North Carolina, but it boggles my mind why any homo would stay in a place where they felt so unwelcome (This goes as well for all you people who live in Virginia and work in DC). Move to New England, or out west, or if you want to stay in the south, how about Atlanta or Ft. Bottomdale?

I live in sunny San Diego, CA and the discrimination here isn't shown in the open, but it does still exist.

Are you affected on a daily basis. By discrimination, looks, stares, comments etc? Hell no! The last time anything like that happened I was in Las Vegas. Some stupid black guy thought it would be fun to call me and my husband (See below) "Fags." We were pretty trashed at the time, and retorted with, "Shut up you f'in N***er" Not exactly the moral high ground, but oh well it was Vegas.

Do you feel safer and more relaxed if you stay within a majority based gay community? I actually feel the opposite way. I get more anxioius when I know i'm in an Un-gay-friendly location (Like the entire state of Texas - Austin)
Do you have a even amount or more gay/straight friends?I've got more straight friends.

Are family members accepting of you being gay? and do they accept your partner(s)? Both my parents and my grandparents are totally accepting of my husband. Only my ultra-right wing pentacostal/evangelical Christian sister doesn't approve. At least we pretend to get along at family functions, and her kids seem to like me well enough. So all in all I"m doing pretty well considering how badly some people have it.
Do you let the negative reactions of others affect you or do you ignore them and go about your own bussiness? Negative Reactions? Where? (I guess I just let it slip most of the time. )

Do you live in a area where being gay is more obvious/non-accepted, and if so does that affect how you act? Yes I live in Hillcrest (the San Diego Gayborhood), but it doesn't affect the way I act. I would feel just as comfortable holding hands and walking down the street in Pacific Beach (The Drunk College Kid hangout place for San Diego)There is a reason why Gays move out of the back-country to the relative safty of cities. More diverse people living together forces an acceptance of everyone's differences. You don't get much of that in a two church town in the deep south.

As far a Gay Marrage goes.. I did it. . I had a big wedding last year. All the family (minus my sister), all his family, and our friends. We did it all, just like a normal wedding. Ceremony, Reception, Dinner, Cake, DJ, Dancing, Drinks. We even got told on multiple occasions that we had the most fun wedding people had ever been to. We did get our CA domestic partnership, but it kinda feels like i'm separate, and not equal to the Male-Female marrages.

DOMA has to go (Thanks Bill Clinton!), Don't Ask Don't Tell has to go (Again, thank you Clinton!) then we may start to see more equality. I think the next 10 years or so we should be seeing more headway made as more and more states pass domestic partnership laws.

Gold Member

Diego, why should I have to move to the literal fringes of the country in order to live in a gay ghetto and feel acceptance?

Why the hell can't it happen here? Fully thirty-SEVEN percent of my fucking income goes to taxes, yet I don't have a representative in Congress? Did someone say DISENFRANCHISED? I was born here, I contribute to my community in all kinds of ways, and Goddammit, I deserve equal treatment under the law of my own Goddamned country (i.e., the Constitution of the United States).

Again, why the hell can't it happen here? I'm white-hot FURIOUS that the supposedly inalienable rights of the Declaration of Independence somehow don't apply to me. I'm LIVID that the Constitution had to have AMENDMENTS in order to make bigots treat others equally -- and that the discrimination is STILL OCCURRING. [Note your "nigger" quote, above.]

What has to happen -- roundups for the Christian gas chambers before you "move over here -- it's much nicer here" ostriches with your damned heads in the sand (and asses in the air waiting to be screwed again by our elected officials) understand what the consequences are?

NCbear (who's damn tired of being a second-class citizen in an anti-intellectual "culture" that consists of Wal-Mart "decor" and "fashion")

P.S. If I've grouped you with the ostriches unfairly, Diego, I apologize. But DAMN, man! Can't you see the problem with merely moving to somewhere else in the USA? (I know, I know, it's the same problem with moving OUT of the USA to be a citizen of another country. But there's nowhere else to live, yet. No space habitats that *I* can afford, at least.)

Gold Member

Regarding gay marriages, I don't see how it's an issue. You say it's a bond between a man and woman set forth by God (for all his good little Christians) but not everyone is a Christian. I'm a Christian, and just because I love a man I can't marry him? Most straight people don't even know what it means to be married, let alone do they honor it. So many marriages fail, they argue gay love isn't love, but I know a 60 year old couple that has been together for 40ish years, but only went through a union a few years ago, that's ridiculous.

MOOSE

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While you didn't reference my quote, I assume this was a response to my post. I think I didn't do a good job of explaining my position. Not all people are Christians. And all Christians don't have the same opinion on the subject.

I am in favor of civil unions or marriage for gay or straight couples. This civil union or marriage would have a certificate and would have all the same rights and privileges as a marriage license has now for straight people. It would be up to the couple, gay or straight, to have a church ceremony, a non religious ceremony, a celebration, or simply get the license and it is done.

We are a multicultural society. Let each couple, gay or straight, celebrate their civil union or marriage in the way that they or their religion, if they have one, without government involvement.

If our society demands that we call it marriage for straight couples and civil unions for gay couples so be it all long as both as identical by law.

It is a pity that some people want to deny some people the right to be married because the marriage offends them or their religion.

Marriage is between two people and their God if they have one. It really shouldn't be anyone else's business.

Gold Member

Are you affected on a daily basis. By discrimination, looks, stares, comments etc?Yes and no. I get over it quickly though. I sleep VERY well at nights.

Do you feel safer and more relaxed if you stay within a majority based gay community? No not really.

Do you have a even amount or more gay/straight friends? I used to have a lot of gay friends. Now, I have more straight than gay. Maybe by choice. Maybe not.

Are family members accepting of you being gay? and do they accept your partner(s)?My parents didn't at first. They did get used to me. I was happier after the revelation. My immediate family is cool about me. The rest of the family the verdict is out on that. :smile:

My father met two of my LTR partners. My mom met two guys I dated after I came out.Do you let the negative reactions of others affect you or do you ignore them and go about your own bussiness?Ignore them.

Do you live in a area where being gay is more obvious/non-accepted, and if so does that affect how you act?Yeah. No.

How do feel about gay marriage and the laws, debates surrounding it? Honestly (and I do not lose sleep over it either), as a gay man, I don't feel that U.S. gay marriage will happen (fully recognized and legal) in my lifetime. If gay men and lesbians are allowed to get married with full legal rights and entitlements (in all 50 of the states), I would really be suspect of that. I would REALLY read the fine print on that marriage license.

BONUS QUESTION: Does the fact that I have had a problem with guys committing, color my views on "gay marriage"? Yeah. Could be. There could be a man that could change my mind but none has yet . :smile: