In need of the Bee's support – Cross Country Move (LONG)

DH got a great job offer last night that will help boost his career. The job is in downtown Seattle. He hasn’t accepted yet, but I’m 98% sure he will, and 150% sure he needs to accept.

We’ve known this was a possiblity for some time now, and we’ve talked about it a lot. But those things really aren’t real until they’re REAL and staring you in the face. Now we’re both in HOLY CRAP PANIC MODE. I’m trying to remain calm and not say every single thing that’s running through my mind because that’s what he needs from me right now. But I need somewhere to go “@()&*$&@&!!!*$&,” and the bee is good for that.

Now’s the time for this move, really. We have no kids, and we aren’t planning on them for 3-4 years. My current job isn’t what I want to be doing for the rest of my life, or even in the field I’m studying. My Master’s program is all online, so I can still graduate on time.

But we’ve both lived in Texas our whole lives. Except for college I have either lived with, or 15 minutes away from my parents and siblings. We live 20 minutes from his family. All of our friends are here. The cost of living difference is SCARY. We own a lovely three bedroom home with a huge backyard here in San Antonio. I don’t even know if we can get a nice townhome in the Seattle area for the cost of our current mortgage. Who knows how long it will take me to get a job.

It’s the right move, I know it is. But it’s going to be difficult, and scary. It could also be a wonderful adventure! We don’t plan to make this long term, maybe just for 3-5 years, but maybe we fall in love with the place.

All I know is I need some encouragement, especially some stories of bees who went through similar situations. A funny picture would be nice, and virtual hugs are welcome. Seattle bees, tell me I’m going to fall in love with the city, and how bad the culture shock will be.

Ugh, thanks for reading/listening. This is hopefully the start of something amazing, but first I have to get through the scary part.

TL;DR: DH and I are probably moving from TX to Seattle and I’m freaking out just a little (ok a lot)

wow. I would be freaking the hell out too. You already KNOW its best for you. Is the job permanent or temporary? Could he end up getting transferred back to San Antonio? A girl i went to school with has been living in South Korea for 2 years to support her husbands career- imagine THAT move!! lol Definitely look at it as an adventure, and a way to make you & your familys future as bright as possible (well, besides the fact that Seattle is known for being rainy & gloomy… lol) Yall will do JUST FINE! And you know the Bees will always be here <3

@theEguarantee: The job is the basically stepping stone to end all stepping stones. It gets him in front of all the right people in the corporate location, and gives him an opportunity to move into exactly the position he’s been looking for.

Ideally he gets into the position he wants, and gains that oh-so-valuable experience he needs to be able to apply for similar spots anywhere else. Maybe we fall in love with Seattle and he loves the company even more. Maybe he gains the experience and it allows us to come back to TX in a few years.

@littlemisst08: This will be good for the both of you. I don’t quite relate to your background as I’ve moved ALL MY LIFE (also not that fun), but I would say that the more places you get to see and experience, the richer your life experience will be. See this as an adventure! Some things will be hard and annoying, but other things will be super fun. Seattle is a great city and this will be amazing for your DH’s career. Tell yourself every morning that this isn’t scary, that you can do it. You will make amazing friends. You will eat delicious food. Focus on the experience, not stuff. Yes you might have to downsize on the home, but think about all the natural beauty you’ll get to see – Mt. Rainier for example! Good luck!

@littlemisst08: Sounds like a win-win to me. Assuming there are companies in his field in Texas, I would think eventually yall would be able to move back there- maybe even after 3-4 years when you’re ready for kids!

But hey- yall might absolutely love Seattle, and you might find your dream job as well! Keep looking at the positives, and rest assured this is the best move for you as a unit. And if your families support you (which I bet they will) that will make it even easier. Good luck to the both of you in wherever life takes you!

@littlemisst08: It will definitely be a culture shock but if it opens a lot of doors for your husband it’s a good idea to do it now rather than later when responsibilities and commitments in TX may make it impossible to accept.

For what it’s worth, I think you will love Seattle. I know a few people who have been for trips and others that have relocated there and said it’s amazing.

I am sure you will be fine. I left home for work at 23 and moved from 1 side of the country (west to east) to the other, then halfway back, and then back to the east.

My thing is give yourself three months to get a little settled and then find a community activity you can get involved in to meet people (book group, sport, art class, scrapbooking group etc>). That is the hardest thing about moving to a new town – meeting people. Yes, you will have your husband, but if there is a gap between when you arrive and find work, you will have time on your own, so activities get you out and making friends.

Also, when you make a big move, you will probably get homesick. It is normal. It takes about 4-6 months to get used to a new place. People don’t tend to talk about it as adults, but it still happens. Give yourself that time.

@littlemisst08: Now is the perfect time to take a chance! I would be scared, too, but what an opportunity to try something different, at least for a while. The best thing about home is that it will always be there. You’re moving, it’s not–you know where to find it!

Seattle sounds great, BTW. I’ve always wanted to go to that fish market where they throw the fish at you. 🙂 Pike Place, I think?

@littlemisst08: oh honey, you will be fine 🙂 I know it’s scary and change is hard, but like you said right now is the time for this to happen. Moving without kids wil be so much more easy (and more fun lol) and you can always move back later if you absolutely hate it. **hugs** i’m a home body too and I have had to learn to let change be a positive experience…especially since my SO’s family lives 7 hours away from me and I have had to learn how to adjust to not spending every holiday etc with my family. Things will work out for you and you might just find that you love it!! Good luck! You got this!

@littlemisst08: i have lived in : Texas, Virginia, Chicago, Colorado, and now NYC. You will be so proud of yourself- its daunting of course, but its a fresh start- and thats awesome. It takes time to get settled and find friends but with some patience and OPTIMISM, you can aboslutely do it and you will be a stronger, more well-rounded person for it.

Oh girl I understand what you are going through 1000%! Back in 2009, my fiance was about to graduate college with no prospects in sight. He finally got one in March all the way in Alabama (we lived in Colorado). It was the best choice for him because there were no starting positions in Engineering in Colorado at all. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy. I missed his family terribly after we moved (and still do). But the experience has been wonderful for him. He has gone up the career path and is now making a lot more than most people do in their late 20s, and we own a very nice house. I’m not 100% happy with my job but that’s about me being indecisive and not the move at all.

We are considering a move next to DC, where I’m sure we will have the same thoughts about housing that you are having now!

Three years ago I could have written this post almost exactly, although it sounds like you’re going into it with your eyes more open than I did. We moved across the country for my partner’s promotion just under 1 year into our relationship. We are so glad we did it but both will openly say it has been tough at times.

Our biggest struggles have been being away from support systems and having trouble making new friends. It’s been great time for the two of us to build and grow our relationship together, but it does get lonely.

The other tricky part has been owning the decision together so he doesn’t feel guilty and that it’s all because of him when we’re going through any tough times.

It took me 2 years to settle in to the point I now refer to it as home and the biggest attitude shift for me happened when I got a new role at work that I am loving and have my own reason to feel connected to the city.

The best piece of advice someone gave me is to be aware that all change (even when it’s something good like a new adventure and taking a promotion) can be difficult. It’s stressful and takes work. If you are both aware of that and work together to help eachother manage it, I think it’s a great opportunity.

Just to show the other end of the scale, I know someone who moved across the country for 3 months, both she and her partner hated the new city and they moved back. No harm done. They gave it a go and it wasn’t for them.

@melonseeds: Yes, you’re right, the experiences will make our lives so rich. The city will be good for his career, and very likely mine, too! And the food… oh I’m looking forward to that part! Mountains, too 🙂 I like your advice about telling myself it’s not scary, that we can do it. It’s not scary, it’s adventure.

@theEguarantee: It really is a win-win, isn’t it? At the moment I am hoping this opportunity allows us to find great jobs back here in TX when we’re ready for kids, if we want to move.

@beachbride1216: I think we’ll love it, too. Everyone I know who has lived there has loved it.

@Blueghostgirl: I’m hoping our university has a strong alumni group up there. That’s always an easy way to meet people! And they would be TX folks like us.

@Tess63110: I know, now’s really the perfect time to do this! And I looove fish so a fish market sounds amazing! Not sure about catching it, though!

I LIVE IN THE SEATTLE AREA! So … there’s that! I grew up around here, then moved to the east coast by myself for ten years. Just moved back a year and a half ago after DH got transferred to JBLM.

Seattle is great, and I’d say it’s actually a lot like Austin, TX (I assume you’ve spent some time in Austin if you live in San Antonio!). So it’s different from what you’re used to, but if you like Austin then you’ll like Seattle. And it is sooooo beautiful out here. Lots of great outdoor activities. DH and I plan to move back here when he retires from the military because we love it that much.

And if you get too lonely, we can always hang out. Haha do you like craft beer??

@littlemisst08: As someone who has done interstate moves three times as an adult (and expects to do more; my fiance is in the army)- you’ll be okay! There will be rough patches and things you will miss, but there will be some awesome upsides, as well.

You *will* find things you love about the new place- new friends, new restaurants, new seasons and environments and cultural things. You will also miss things from home, but you will appreciate them more when you come back to them.

You will now be “from somewhere”. You will always afterwards have a slightly different and wider perspective on everything you encounter vs most people who never leave home.

You will have a new facet to your identity- “the one from Texas”- that was never a big deal before.

You will find common ground with other displaced Texans wherever you find them.

You will get away from the aspects of your home state that you don’t like (every place has bad things).

You will get the satisfaction both of knowing that they do certain things better at home, and at coming home and realizing you’ve learned new ways of doing certain things better from where you live now.

You will find that nothing is as scary as you thought in the past, and that your identity and your marriage and your family relationships and friendships are stronger than you thought, that they don’t just depend on proximity. Except for the ones that do, but from that you will learn to better discern between relationships of true quality and relationships of convenience.

You will learn that you are capable of this kind of change, and it will open up possibiliities everywhere in the country and even world.

It will have highs and lows, and there will probably be days you wish you and everyone you love had always lived in Seattle and days you wish you could just run home to Texas. Most days will be in between.

I miss some things about every place I’ve ever lived, and sometimes I am envious of people who have everyone and everything they love in easy reach and never a moment of homesickness. But mostly, I wouldn’t trade my long-distance moving experiences for the world. I feel at home in four different states, and I never lack for an idea for a weekend getaway to visit someone. Not many people get those chances, and even fewer actually take the plunge. I think you’re going to love it.