Courtesy and Dominance

Does anyone else find that at times there is a fine line when it comes to courtesy and a loss of control as a dominant? I am normally a courteous person even, dare I say especially, to my sub. At times, however, I feel that adding "please" to a command lessens the impact. So, I don't say it. But then it grates against my personal ethos. Of course, I'm going to go with my gut feeling at the time. In a way, I want my standards to change to be more comfortable, but then I think that having that feeling of discomfort is good for me. It's good for my sense of self-awareness. To quote the ancients, "Know thyself."

You can be as polite as you want but change your tone of voice to one that is reserved for times that you mean no nonsense. Southern women are masters of this, the word please can mean many different things!

When My Sir says, "Do this, Please", it not something I am ever going to rebel against, or be bratty. I am just going to hurry the hell up and do it. Please is a very effective way of pushing my personal boundaries. It's going to depend on your sub, certainly, but personally, I was raised with please and thank you. I have always been with gentlemen, I can't imagine being ordered to do something that is really pushing a boundary for me in anything other than a courteous tone, probably with a please. Why be harsh, if no is not an option? z

Tala, at the moment I have to communicate with her via text. I will be traveling in the near future and it will be different in person. It actually is different when I speak to her on the phone.

Zara, I would never be harsh to her. I understand the difference between discipline and cruelty. As she has not indicated that she wants cruelty, I will not go that route. She is very new and may want to cross that boundary someday. I, in my sadistic self, will be happy to cross it with her.

She really is an excellent new sub and takes direction and correction well.

In the beginning I have people remove the please and thank you when they talk to get used to the idea that it is ok they ask for something unapologetically and with entitlement.

I tell them this is where you START and NOT where you will end up.

In essence it is WHY you are adding the courtesy that matteres.

Are you to afraid to ask assertively ?
This is a normal thing drilled into our society and a fair question to ask yourself.

Are you feeling less then confident?

Are you stuck in a pattern?

Is it what you really want to do?

Something else to ask yourself is:

Why not say please and thank you ?

Are you attempting to live up to the caricature of a D type?

Do you feel disempowered when you say please and thank you?

Have you not yet developed your personal style of D type?

Are you concerned about how it looks outside of your relationship if you do end or don't say please or thank you?

This is such a great post. It's not really a simple question of what do you say? It's a question of how do you as a D-type want to be perceived not just by your S-Type but by society as a whole.

Finding your own personal style a a D type
Is a great journey. And it's a long one.

DO NOT get stuck in the endless rabbit hole of if I was an actual D type then I would do this...

I may not say please and thank you oh, but I do start a request with saying My love.

I do not care how this perceives me to the outside world. I do not care if others perceive me as a soft Master. I do not care if others say I am not a Master because of it.

My personal style is to bring my love and joy and heart to everything that I do. And of other people can't see that and recognize it then that's on them.

My suggestion to you is that you try it both ways. Not for a day more like a week. Give yourself time to figure out how to give a command that works for you. Don't let anybody else influence you in this. Pick a way of saying things try it for a week and during that time internally evaluate how does it make you feel?

If saying please and thank you connect to your sense of being a D-type then that's exactly what you do.