Sorry for the delay in updates, my non-existent readers, but yesterday morning, I awoke with a sudden epiphany… George Washington is a zombie! Here’s what I’ve made of the situation:

Little do people realize that George Washington is still animated and among us today. He is, in fact, America’s longest-living zombie. That’s right; George Washington is still here today, as a zombie. He hides in the White House, away from the general public, and resides in the President’s Cabinet, behind the many skeletons. Whenever a new elected official happens to stumble upon his decaying soul, he simply repents by eating his brains. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?