Monday, September 28, 2009

But now that I've learned that he's a fifth-degree black belt with over two decades of Kenpo experience, I'm starting to reconsider my previous remarks for fear of being pummeled or knifed to death. (According to various online bios, Idol's studied Kenpo knife techniques under Michael Pick, who Ed Parker -- the Father of American Karate -- once called "Kenpo's premiere knife fighter.") Also, I found this old clip of Wesley Idol demonstrating his prodigious ass-kicking abilities. This video is eye-strainingly grainy and microscopically tiny, but it doesn't hide the fact that Idol's no joke. His jabs and kicks are startlingly quick and explosive, especially in light of his relatively plodding and half-assed performance in the Kenpo X video. It turns out he doesn't always move like a bored zombie immersed in a tank of molasses.

Given this new knowledge (as well as my utter spinelessness), I feel the need to issue the following statement: Mr. Idol, if you're reading this, I take back everything I've ever said about you and your Kenpo X performance (including what I wrote in the immediately preceding paragraph). If we ever meet, please don't step-drag-claw-low-punch me. But if honor dictates that you must open a can of super-karate whoop-ass on me, please do it slowly and with zero intensity, just like you demonstrated on the Kenpo X video. (Sorry -- couldn't resist.)