Train firm forced into name change

Virgin Trains have confirmed that as of March 1st, they will have started to re-brand their entire firm and fleet, following a High Court ruling.

The company, founded by Sir Richard Branson and responsible for train services on the west coast mainline between London and Scotland, has been forced into the move after a passenger sued the company under the Trades Description Act.

46 year old Marian Travers took the firm to court, claiming that the name implied every train was unsullied by previous passengers and would be 'box-fresh'.

In his 64 page decision, Judge Hector Rodgers said 'It was patently obvious that no train, having been in service for more than 6 hours, could claim to be 'virgin'. After such use, 'mildly slutty' would be more appropriate.'

Further, he suggested that once a carriage had been in service for a minimum of a day, it should be known as 'whorish'.

'Anyone who has ever used one of the firm's services, would testify that there is no way that the company could live up it's appellation, especially if they've ever smelled the all too intrusive toilet smell from carriage D. Therefore I find for the plaintiff and recommend Virgin urgently changes its name to reflect a more accurate description of its service.'

Anthony Harris, the current Head of Corporate Blame and Hand-Wringing at the firm, confirmed a name change was urgently being worked upon.

"We expect to be able to re-launch our new name on time when it comes to headed notepaper. But our fleet of trains and carriages will take a further 6 months to re-livery."

However, he refused to be drawn on what the new name will be.

"What I can say is that it will reflect the heritage and good name Virgin has built up and will continue to suggest the very best in train travel." Bookies are offering odds of 2-1on that the new name will be 'T.A.N', standing for Tragic and Neglected.