Comments (167)

I was married at 17. pregnant 6 weeks later, 18 by the time she was
born. We've been married 5 years together for 7, and we have one well
behaved intelligent never abused polite well mannered well kept DD and
a little boy on the way!

Sweet! I think it's great that you guys got married. That's so rare - it isn't typical for teens to be as mature as you two obviously were/are. I bet you got a hard time for it, too. I married at 19 and even then it raised quite a few eyebrows.

Your story sounds like mine. Married at 19, pregnant about 5 weeks later, 20 when he was born. Our 5 year anniversary will be in a month, and we have a 2yo daughter now and another baby on the way. You are right - not everyone fits the statistics. I'm glad they are wrong sometimes.

AStuke, I can understand feeling a little burned by the repeated mentioning of statistics, but they are what they are. Nobody has claimed that teen parents are incapable of being good parents, but that the risk to children is otherwise not worth it.

My older brother got married at 17 and his wife gave birth to their first child before he was 18. Over the next five years they had three more kids, for a total of four children in six years. I cannot tell you the damage those parents have done to those kids. The oldest girl spent the last year with me, until last month, trying to learn how to act like an 18/19-year-old and she still doesn't get it. I didn't force her out, she chose to move out, which I encouraged, except she still hasn't learned anything about personal responsibility and is doing everything she can to get her boyfriend to marry her so someone will take care of her. I hope to Zeus that she doesn't get pregnant.

As for statistics, I've given the big "F U" to them as well. I'm a successful former foster child with no adult criminal record or substance abuse addiction. Trust me, there aren't many of us and my conquering of some common issues by no means makes it any easier for others.

2GODaddy - Nobody has claimed that teen parents are incapable of being good parents, but that the risk to children is otherwise not worth it.

Please elaborate. I dont support actively trying to conceive as a teen. I think it's a horrible idea and puts the child in line for tons of struggling. I am the product of a teen parent. I was physically and verbally (thank god never sexually) abused, but not by my mother, by her drunk ass boyfriends. I have no criminal record. I have never had a substance abuse problem. I was married prior to becoming pregnant and took EXTENSIVE measures to not become pregnant prior to having a ring on my finger and a spouse. I wouldn't have ever been an unwed teen mother. I used condoms, birth control, spermicide, everything possible to prevent pregnancy..

The thing is that I think your statement of it "not being worth the risk to the child" - is kind of an odd statement - because if you're a teen parent, you can say "No this is not going to be allowed to happen to my child." Thus eliminating the risk. It's not like child abuse is an accident that can be statistically categorized as a 'risk factor' - because it's not like an illness you can catch, its not something thats genetic... My mother knew what was happening, she was just too "in love" to stop it. It was no surprise to her.

From my frame of reference, not trying not to get pregnant by every conceptual means possible is effectively trying to get pregnant if someone is having sex. It does not matter if pregnancy is not their intention if they are not actively trying to prevent getting pregnant. The net result of such a pregnancy for the mother and child is often a more difficult life.

Your situation is unique for many reasons. First, that you got pregnant after getting married as a teen. Second, that you and your husband are, to this point, a successful couple. I only make the caveat in the second exception because one can never predict the future.

I dont support actively trying to conceive as a teen. I think it's a
horrible idea and puts the child in line for tons of struggling.

I would have to disagee. I am 18 and actively tried to concieve, and am currently expecting a September baby. I am also married, been married for 2 years... my husband makes good money, I finished my first year university, and will continue pursuing my degree. We can afford to live very comfortably after subtracting my tuition (we pay it in full, with no assistance) and I can still be a SAHM and we are saving up to buy our own condo... I doubt my child will be in line for "tons of struggling."

I understand that you probably mean something else, but it is blanket statements and stereotypes like these that really bug me. I guess I am a teenage pregnancy statistic, but I couldn't care less. I believe my husband and I are ready for a child, both financially and emotionally. And our relationaship is mature enough to handle it.

My point is, you cannot automatically write off every single teen mom as a "bad mother" because that is not the case. It is prejudices like these that really tick me off.

YoYo89 - you are not a "teen parent" by definition so you being a married woman, financially independent, removes you from that category. So you don't apply here. Did you read my own post about my own experience? Apparently not because I'm most certainly not prejudiced against you or anyone in your situation.