“How Not To Be A Doormat” is the title of one of my 20 self help e-books so I have had to take my own advice!

My previous blog about my divorce was written when I was feeling very sad and grieving for the 17 years spent with my husband. Now I am feeling much more assertive.

I have finally gotten my head around that fact that he has vascular dementia due to strokes and that the man I married has already gone. He looks like my husband but his mind is not totally how it was as each mini stroke has killed off more of his brain cells. Nevertheless I must get through a divorce and move on to create a new life for myself.

The funny thing is that last week, after writing my blog, I tweeted about it and posted it to Google Plus and Stumbleupon etc and also clicked the Facebook link. Oops! I almost notified my husband and his friends and family that the divorce papers were on the way! You may not think it funny – I am still chuckling at how easy it is to simply push a social media button and information escapes without time for thought! A friend helped me find how to ‘hide’ it then. I may well announce it on Facebook this week – intentionally.

Since it appears to make a more peaceful co-existence, my husband and I are not really talking to each other. Thus, this morning I decided to start negotiating our financial settlement via email. A very modern tool. I quite liked the experience as it gave me time to write and amend as much as I wanted so I said exactly what I wanted to say in the most assertive language I could muster. I also sent a copy to my solicitor and girlfriends so that they can see my self esteem has improved.

My initial reaction to the concept of a divorce was to want to run away to somewhere safe so that I could heal my wounds. I packed up all my belongings and moved some of them into storage. I checked out the private rental market and the reality is that with 7 rescued cats and a rescue dog it is virtually impossible to get a landlord to rent to me. My registration for social housing – I qualify for an old person’s bungalow – may take a very long time to get to being offered to me so I hunkered down in my bedroom.

Today the worm has turned. I have done nothing wrong and I am not being dumped after 17 years to be pushed aside with nothing but my clothes and a few bits of furniture. I read in my Which Guide to Divorce that it might be possible for the court to order that I be allowed to stay in my home – the matrimonial house – and that my husband moves out. I so hope this can happen! Why should I skulk away with virtually nothing? I have had my matrimonial rights registered against the property with the Land Registry so that my husband cannot sell nor do equity release without my consent.

Why am I sharing all this with you? I thought it might be useful to someone else in a divorce situation and so that my readers can see that I truly believe in every word I have written. Do take a look at my Amazon Author Bio and the About Me page on my website http://EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk

Take care of yourself and take responsibility for your own quality of life!