Comedian

Tag: Going Crazy

Traveling solo on that road trip you have always wanted to take? Moving cross-country with just as much of your stuff as you can fit in your car? Long drives can be intimidating but I’m here to give you some tips on how to get through them and what to expect as you go along. I drive a lot for my career, seemingly as a form of self-punishment so I have a lot of experience. This is based on an 18-hour drive but there are some elements marked that can be repeated if the drive exceeds that time.

Hour 1: Get an early start! Save up your podcasts for the week and/or an audiobook you have been meaning to listen to.

Hour 3: Switch to music. Listening to other people talk who aren’t there will result in you talking back to them eventually.

Hour 5: Sit in silence with your thoughts and connect with who you are inside on a deeper level.

Hour 6: Begin to question what exactly you did wrong to deserve to punish yourself like this.

Hour 7: Get the words to “It’s Windy” by The Association stuck in your head, even though you haven’t actually heard it in years but only the two lines that go

“Who’s tripping down the streets of the city?

Everyone knows it’s windy!”

You will later figure out those lines are not next to each other in the song and that is fine.

Hour 8: Fully embrace your self-hatred and genuinely question why anyone would love you or why you deserve anything good. Start reading the word ‘anal’ in front of all RV and trailer names.*

Hour 9: Music again.

Hour 10: Call someone in your phone! (Hands free, of course). Maybe someone you have been meaning to call just to catch up!*

Hour 11: Decide you should order some type of kitchen gadget, like a food processor on Amazon and do so.*

Hour 12: Everyone knows it’s windy!*

Hour 13: Lose complete control of your emotions. Are you crying? Is that road sign really that funny? You won’t be sure!

Hour 14: You will begin to accept your emotions and pain and relax into the realization that you have actually gone insane.

Hour 15: Curb hallucinations that may be setting in at this time by rapping along to angry hip hop as loud as you can.*

Hour 17: You’re now in a fight with yourself. You have stopped talking.

Hour 18: You made it! That wasn’t that bad!

Now you can just enjoy the next 3 days at your destination trying to decipher what is reality and what isn’t.

There you go! This will help you get through that drive, you can do it!