next story

The Playground Diaries: Installment 7

I took JD to the park the other day even though it was freezing and he thinks he's Michael Jackson since he refuses to wear two gloves. He literally pulls the left one off and throws it on the pavement. When I slide it back on his hand his face gets scary red and he juts his arms out. He also makes this noise like he's got something stuck in his throat, but he doesn't. Anyway it was bitter-cold. The little guy's cheeks were apple red, but he didn't seem to mind as he dragged himself through wood-chips and tried to eat 4. 5. I was so excited to see another parental unit with his kids because if I'm effed for taking my kid out in this cold. So is he.

I could have been imagining this but the Dad kept looking at me. It made me feel kind of good too. Maybe he was divorced looking for some sweet playground play. Maybe he was Storked! too! I put on my chapstick. Hell yeah, I did. Cherry.

How's it going? he asked walking over. This guy wants me. Glad I wore jeans and not my baggy sweats that I live in.

Hi there, I said picking JD's glove up from the ground.

So how much do you charge? he asked. What the eff? Does he think I'm a prostitute? LOL. No. Yes. Nah! Wait... My face wrinkled up. I felt it. Were we in a sleazy hotel bar or at a lame-as* Wayne playground? Looked around. Still in Wayne. Sigh.

Huh? I hiccuped.

Charge? he said it again, this time smiling. Beautiful smile. I could make-out with that smile. But why does he want to pay me?

Huh? I hiccuped again. I seriously felt brain dead. Was this some new kind of parent speak I wasn't aware of? I do have...zero mom friends.

You are a babysitter? No? he asked.

What the eff? This guy doesn't want to have sex with me. He wants me to change his kid's diaper.

I'm a--mom. I said. Sh*t, I'm a mom, I thought. When did that happen?

No, he said.

Yes, I said. Oh yes, shaking my head up and down. I know dude, it's crazy.

No, he said again. I was about to show him my c-section scar. I have proof!

Yes, I said, smiling.

No, how old are you?

Wanted to eff with him and say 15. I'll be 28 next week, I said. Sh*t, when did that happen?

Have a good weekend people! We're not going to the playground.

PS: When we left it occurred to me he might have been flirting with me. Nah.