I have never gone on meds. Proud smile. It's not the easy road and not for everyone. I have been holistic for most of my life.

You may view my tool kit in my journal if you like. It's public. I also do quite a bit of venting in here, so &quot;heads up.&quot; The journal and at times DS is one of my tools. Contingency plans are important. Being prepared. I also plan to incorporate more structured exercise, yoga, and guided imagery. I am just beginning to work with guided imagery. Also starting to rely more on breathing than I had before. I'm not always successful. I need to make some changes in environment so that I can really bring my system where I want it. I want to be strong. I am feeling quite tortured, beat up, and trampled upon.

Your tool kit is pretty good.. gonna have to try some of those... the exercise one would be the hardest for me though.. unfortunately I have some physical limitations.. not sure about the yoga.. might be able to try that... How does guided imagery work? I know I can't keep going on like this... I'm not sure if the things in your toolkit would work right now but I'm gonna try..

The imagery in my brain now is all f^&amp;ked up... all the depression, ptsd, anxiety is taking its toll on my body too.. and the meds have affected me too... ended up developing diabetes from one of the meds I was on.. have some liver problems from it too.. and high blood pressure ( that could be from stress ). I have arthirits in my back and two bad disks so exercise is hard but I do need to do more of it.. was going to physical therapy for a while but my insurance doesn't cover it now...

somethings gotta work cause I can't take this f^&amp;ked up life much more... I have been involuntarily hospitalized twice in the psych ward and I'm never going back.. my psychologist made me call for a partial day program last time I saw him. I ended up going 2 days and then got real sick and didn't go back.

Thank you. I worked very hard on that tool kit. Lots of trial and error. Primarily, it was to address the explosions, the spiraling into flashback mode. The flashbacks are the hardest to deal with for me, but I don't like the explosions either. The flashbacks bring on a terror so intemse. I don't have them often, but these techniques help prevent them. I dissociate and block out still, but the flashbacks are to be avoided especially (for me).

I was on the telephone with a counselor once and he coached me through a guided imagery session. I have only tried it once or twice since. The reason I haven't used it more is that I want to tailor it. It was amazingly helpful...especially to calm the system, but it takes deliberate consentration...and as you know, concentration is affected by the triggers. So grounding needs to happen first.

The other thing about guided imagery is that it is consistent with the re-wiring that needs to happen in the mind to re-organize the affects of the stimulus. Really effective technique, but it isn't like a pill. It requires a sort've re-conditioning that takes time.

The counselor started with some deep breathing. Then he asked me to recall a specific place from my past that was pleasant (i.e., a &quot;hapoy place&quot;), which followed a series of recollections including, where I was at that place, what I was doing, and he's ask me to recall things that I seen, heard, that I smelled, touched, felt, or tasted (if possible). It was significant to engage all of the senses. This, I have found is very important with PTSD...as all of the senses are engaged in the threat response. The significant thing about guided imagery is that it is basically re-conditioning the mind; but the problem is that it does not happen impulsively. I believe that, if it was repeatedly relied upon, eventually the mind would adapt more automatically to it (re-map, re-wire); although this is my theory. It is also consistent with what I understand the primary logic of brain plasticity to be. It's more adaptive. Not invasive. It's natural. I love the idea of it.

My life circumstance is unique. I do not want to adapt the PTSD to accommodate another problem (political issue). For this reason, I am resistant to some suggestions in terms of treatment (such as EMDR). I need to find treatment that will address the PTSD, but not cause me to become vulnerable to further exploitation on a level that is not ordinarily experienced by trauma survivors. A more appropriate environment would be most suitable, but the universe seems obsessed with compelling me into the role of a political whore, and therefore only suggests/encourages treatment to accommodate that role.

I am actually convinced that the political obsession alone has contributed to about 50 percent elevation of existing symptoms, which are chronic (of coarse), and re-traumatization.

If only the world would stop trying to force me into a role of a fucking prostitute, I'd be remarkably better at this point in my recovery.

Dag nabbit! What did I do with those headphones? Okay. There they are. But there's a knot in them. Oh drats! Must undo the knot.

Alright. I've got the CD player, the headphones with the knot undone...I'm wire and I plop on the sofa...

Okay, where's the friggin CD?!

Imagine going through this motion...while you're triggered?

I don't think that's gonna happen.

The solution isn't easy. I don't believe that easy wins the race here. Holistic medicine and thinking means changes in lifestyle...commitments. The re-conditioning theory has more promise but I don't think it has worked or shown success (maybe) because we live in a society that promotes a quick easy fix for everything (take a pill). I don't know if it will work or not, but I sure would love to try it. It's sort've like &quot;re-framing,&quot; but it is working with all of the senses. It just makes sense to me and I love that it is not invasive.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...

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