The Women Men Marry

Archive for May, 2011

I know and understand that having a dream wedding is important for every woman. Making sure that your wedding is memorable and special is crucial for that little girl inside a woman. Feeling like she is a princess for one day is a dream come true.

I must admit I love watching wedding shows on tv. I like seeing that magical moment created from beginning to end. There is one thing I see in these wedding shows and that is the wedding is all about the woman. It seems that nobody really cares if the groom even shows up.

These brides want red carpets, horse drawn carriages, massive rings, giant flower arrangements, massive banquet halls, and then things get strange with circus performers or stunt acts. I could write an entire book on the crazy things some women come up with for weddings to make them unique.

What these brides are forgetting is that a wedding is supposed to be the public declaration of love between two people. To let all friends and family know that they are committed to each other “until death do us part.” It is also a time to let your partner know that despite all the people in the world, that you choose them. To make your partner feel your love and to show your love in front of everybody. To scream your love to the world.

Do you understand why a man would become hesitant about getting married as the price rises and things become more and more extravagant? Of course, If a man loves you he wants to make the wedding day special for the woman he is marrying. At the same time the groom wants he to feel loved and special on his wedding day as well.

A guy doesn’t need the giant ten foot cake, the $50,000 banquet hall, or a horse drawn carriage to feel special. To feel special a man needs to have your love and attention on his wedding while being surrounded by friends and family.

When you are thinking about, talking about and/or planning your wedding with your boyfriend always remember to ask yourself is this about making you (as the bride) feel special or for the both of you to feel special. If all your focus is on you and making you feel special, don’t be surprised when your boyfriend begins to get cold feet. Planning your wedding is a huge decision and if you are going to be selfish in this decision, its probably just a sign of things to come. No man wants to be with a selfish woman. If he thinks that you will be selfish in every major decision the both of you will have to make together, then chances are good it will scare him off the idea of getting married. For your wedding focus on expressing your love for him and not just seeing what you can do to make you feel more special. This is key to getting your boyfriend to be excited about getting married.

I don’t know how many guys I know who used to be golfers, or drive motorsports, or enjoy fishing or weekly poker games. What I know is that there is a distinct theme amongst them – somehow they have drifted away from something they loved doing. Oftentimes that also means drifting apart from friends and circles of support and encouragement too.

It is a cliché – and an unfair one at that – to suggest that women drag men away from their favorite pastimes. However, it is true that once a relationship begins to develop, things change as priorities get rearranged. This goes for both parties, as men and women begin to rank time spent together above those things they traditionally did. However, sometimes one party can influence the other to a greater extent and soon the concessions begin to be one sided.

If this is the case in a dating relationship, it just makes sense that it will only continue and possibly amplify in a marriage. What that means is that if a guy is feeling pressured to start giving things up, or if he is noticing some absences that are beginning to bother him, he may well put the brakes on further relationship developments while he decides whether he can live with the changes – and the direction they are taking.

What a woman in these circumstances needs to do is communicate her awareness of the changes going on and make sure that she is sensitive to how they are affecting him. If he knows that she cares, and is not deliberately trying to divorce him from old friends, he will feel less concerned and it won’t become a conflict of interests. In fact, it may help him clarify his own priorities in terms of the relationship and cement his commitment. Certainly the communication and a willingness to compromise will only benefit the relationship.