Sexual complications

Why I wish I had waited for marriage to have sex.

I wish someone had told me much earlier that Sex doesn’t guarantee a quality relationship. I don’t expect anyone who reads this to stand up and applaud but I really just want to encourage everyone to make purity the center of their relationships as a sacrifice to GOD. This isn’t because I read it in a book, heard it from my parents or that I think it will make me look better. It is just a desire to be holy and nothing else. I read somewhere that “sex can be considered 3 things, “gross, god, or a gift.” I believe this to be very true in our day, due to how sex is overrated outside of marriage and underrated within marriage. It is gross to those that have been taught their entire life that sex is bad and will cause people to look at you differently. For some it can be become a god, taking over your time, money, and relationships in order to appease it. But, it is God’s purpose for sex to be seen as a gift. Sex is a gift to be shared with your spouse within the confines of marriage. “

Everything nowadays is so rushed. Most times there is no courtship but a rush to quench Sexual desires and cravings. ‘Courtship is a time for exploration and decision-making about the relationship, when partners assess compatibility, make commitments and build on emotional and physical intimacy. Without this period of courtship, judgment can be clouded, leading to couples falling into unfulfilling long-term relationships. Pre-marital sexual activities will have lasting effects on relationship quality even after marriage. Looking back at my failed relationships, this is why I wish I had waited till marriage to have sex and why saving physical intimacy in the relationship till marriage is a good thing.

1. Protects you from being attached before you say “I Do”.
There are only a few things that can attach you to someone for the rest of your life and two of those is a child together and sex. Children are a blessing from the Lord, but can also be a challenge to raise in hard circumstances. Protect yourself from this by agreeing to wait until marriage to have sex. Another attachment that can form through sexual activity is a soul tie. Sex was created by God to tie that couple together forever. But when done outside of marriage, the same effect happens. But now it’s an illegitimate tie versus a covenantal tie. Sex outside of marriage may feel good in that moment, but that’s all you will be left with after that night is over. If the relationship doesn’t work out, then breaking it off will be much easier if there hasn’t been a spiritual soul tie through sex.

2. Keeps God at the center of your relationship
Honoring God in our relationship should be every couple’s supreme goal and saying no to sex makes that goal easily accomplish-able. God is the inventor of marriage, which means you need Him in your marriage in order to have a healthy one. The stages before you say “I Do’ are the most crucial for laying a solid foundation for your marriage. Establishing a no sex boundary will keep you focused on the important aspects of a courting relationship. Yes, the desire to have sex will come, but with God, you will be able to have the strength to resist temptation. Trusting God in your relationship will help you to make a confident decision when you feel that person may be the one you desire to marry.

3. Develop emotionally instead of physically
When the focus is not placed on physical intimacy the relationship between two gets a chance to flourish at an emotional level without complications that are brought about by giving into lustful desires. You get to really know the person you are in courtship or a relationship with. What we fail to realize is that our much “talking” helps to create a strong emotional bond between each other. This is why people often say that you need to do a lot of talking when you meet someone. Talking helps two people grow closer together. It helps them connect with each other on a very sincere level. Oftentimes, we confuse our much talking with someone as love. I’ve heard of countless relationships between a guy and a girl in which they “fell in love” because of some kind of “connection”. That connection is no secret! Here’s the thing: You learn to love what gives to you the most. If you spend your time giving of yourself (through your words) you begin to develop a strong relationship with the other person. This is why it’s important for a guy and a girl, who are not pursing marriage, to be friends. The giving of very personal, intimate things can lead to one of the two individuals “catching feelings for each other”.

4. God blesses couples that wait for marriage.

The promise of purity is blessing and GOD is not a man that HE should lie. Not only will your relationship with each other become more deep and meaningful, but so will your walk with Christ. Then as you go, your relationship will compliment and strengthen your relationship with Christ, and your relationship with Christ will strengthen your relationship with your partner.

5. The couple develops deep respect for each other.
When a man sleeps with a woman outside the marriage context he loses respect for her. The man may still for a while have a desire for her both physically and emotionally but her value in his eyes will fall. This is why even when a woman gives of herself to a man, it is not a guarantee that he will stay. In the eyes of a woman, that you have compromised will put you at the same level as all the other guys she has been with. What is your difference from everyone else. The fact that you feel desire for intimacy but prioritize GOD’S word and keeping each other’s value intact will develop between the couple a very deep level of respect that ordinary couples can’t enjoy.

6. If he/she will do it with you before marriage, what is the guarantee that it wont happen with someone else?
They saw you and liked you and persued you physically and you compromised. There was no ring on both your fingers but it happened. What is to stop it from happening with another person? When they are bored with you, what will stop them from engaging with someone else even while you are still with them? Keeping pure gives you confidence and assurance. You know if they can hold out on you, they can hold out on other’s too.

7. Sex outside marriage is a sin. Don’t build for your tomorrow on foundations of sin and compromise

For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. (1 Cor. 6:20)
Because of what Jesus did for you, He gives you incredible value. You are not a cheap toy that should be casually tossed around. You are loved and were purchased by the blood of Christ. Honor God with your body.

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:1b-2)
The very last line “with absolute purity” is key. We as Christian girls need to make sure that our relationships reflect that standard. God desires absolute purity as the goal in your guy relationships.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. (2 Tim. 2:22)
We are to run away from youthful passions and run towards righteousness. This verse seems to fly in the face of guys and girls flirting, dating around, etc.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Eph. 5:3)
Wow. Our relationships should have
“not even a hint of sexual immorality.” Think about that phrase with me. Not even a hint! People often complain about Christians being so “oppressive” and “overly expectant” of girls these days. They say “girls already have so much to deal with, you are only making it worse.” Well excuse me, I didn’t write that verse, I’m just relaying God’s message. He is the one saying there should be “not even a hint.”
The sex between a married couple is blessed by God, God is all about it, He fully supports it, He is psyched when a married couple gets to fully enjoy the blessings of sex. Sexual intimacy between a married man and woman is sacred, and having that lust for each other is an important part of a healthy marriage, hence the entire book of Songs of Solomon. BUT just because we have the urges and desires, just because God made us sexual creatures, does not make sex whenever we want, with whomever we want, excusable or acceptable. God didn’t design it this way, He instructs us not to do it (for all of these reasons and more), we should listen.

8. Avoid sexually transmitted diseases. You don’t have to worry about STDs because you know you’re not engaging in sex. People are very often not honest about their Sexual behaviours and everytime you sleep with someone you put yourself at risk of contracting a disease that could potentially end your life or even affect future children you may have if the disease is passed on to them.

9. You are a great example to your children and people.
You teach your children and others how to walk out the purity Walk. This is such a special and rare gift to give them. To be able to say “it is possible, I did it and you can too”! Obedience brings blessing and you begin to cultivate the generational blessing for your family.

I read somewhere that ” We are biologically engineered to invest in one sexual partner. There is a chemical in our brain that is released during sex, oxytocin. It bonds us emotionally with our partner. This bond makes us want to stay with that person, and therefore makes it difficult to accept when a relationship is unhealthy and ready to be ended, and therefore, deeper heartbreak when it does. Every time we have sex with somebody and don’t stay with that person, it’s like a scab being ripped off of a wound. It scars and scars and scars until eventually the effect that chemical has on the brain, meaning the bond itself, is weakened. This means that the more sex you have with anybody but your spouse, the weaker that chemical/emotional bond with them will be. If you want more on this, read “Bringing Up Girls” by Dr. James Dobson “

There is good news for those like me with a past: it is never too late to make the decision to pursue purity . Christ died for our sins, His grace is sufficient. All you have to do is commit and repent. Leave the old ways behind and follow Jesus’ plan for your life (Ephesians 4:22-24), you will find a joy that lasts and endures even through hardship. God Himself promises this!

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