I ask men to dance. Although, the only opportunity to really ask is at the WCS group lessons+party I go to. Everybody there is really nice, and all much older than I am, so sometimes I wonder if the acceptances I get to dances come from the fact that I'm a new face, which is always good, or if I'm okay enough to dance with, and if not, it's for encouragement's sake!! == I've gotten some real compliments from some of them though, so that was a good sign all around!

However, I agree with Swing Kitten that it's always great to be asked by a guy! Maybe it helps get rid of that, "Always picked last for teams," feeling a geek like me carries around! :lol: :roll: :lol: *nods* Yeah; definitely something there about someone seeking you out for a dance to make one feel very nice. =^__^=

I admit I do take notes on how friendly some of the members of the dancing community are. And the local salsa community is not very high on my list.

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That's so sad. I was talking with some people about introducing new people to the salsa scene and all that we do to encourage them and get them dancing. Tonight there were these two girls dancing merengue, or trying to, at a party, and I wanted to dance. So a friend and I made our move and split them up. Actually I made my move and told the other girl that my friend was behind her, and he moved up to take his place! :wink: Now if we were talking about the lindy scence I would agree...

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Maybe it's just the ballroomer in me, but I would do that a lot when it came to salsa dances I organize(d). During a merengue lesson before a dance, there were two girls that were without a partner, so I swooped in and had them practice their turns with me. Certainly I'd notice that in other dances where I attended or organized that I'd notice people on the side who were just watching and very afraid to try it.

As for the lindy scene here, my colleague Setsuna would have a different impression that I would. Perhaps part of it is because she's a girl and I'm not; certainly she takes more lessons in lindy than I do. In general I think they're a bit friendlier, provided they at least realize you're not a creep and you have some level of competence (the on1 vs. on2 thing being an additional complicating factor). Then again, I think that's the case in all dance communities except contra.

But I probably will take some salsa lessons to connect to the community at some point. At least after I feel competent in ArT.

I only decline to dance, and as politely as I can, when a woman asks me to dance in three instances.

1. I don't really do or like a particular dance. For me, I don't really enjoy doing a Quickstep or a West Coast Swing, nothing against the dances, I just don't feel motivated to really want to do them. But I enjoy watching a couple who can do those really well.

2. I am really in need of a break. Usually the women outnumber the men and everyone knows what that is like.

3. The woman has asked too many times that night. And this has only happened once.

As for the lindy scene here, my colleague Setsuna would have a different impression that I would. Perhaps part of it is because she's a girl and I'm not; certainly she takes more lessons in lindy than I do. In general I think they're a bit friendlier, provided they at least realize you're not a creep and you have some level of competence (the on1 vs. on2 thing being an additional complicating factor). Then again, I think that's the case in all dance communities except contra.

But I probably will take some salsa lessons to connect to the community at some point. At least after I feel competent in ArT.

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hmm... the Lindy scene. Well when I'm at school near etchuck, the "lindy" scence (as seperate from the ECS and WCS scene) is soooo small that you know mostly everyone, so it is very common for women to ask men to dance: we all know each other. I have to admit that when I travel, I have to work up a nerve to ask some to dance, but that's just me a lot of women ask men to dance at lindy exchanges.

As far as salsa goes, I guess I just don't go out salsa dancing enough. The few times I've been, I spent most of the night watching out for some non-dancer friends who didn't know how to stay away from the few creepy guys.....

I would prefer not to turn a woman down for a dance, but feel similarly to DanceAm regarding this issue.

I have been known to turn a woman down if it's a style I'm not comfortable with, particularly merengue, but I always explain and offer my willingness to dance to another style that evening.

Also, as the studio where I attend most social dances has grown, there now tends to be more women then men. I have a reputation of helping out the owners by asking as many different women as possible to dance over the course of the evening, including the newcomers. I will rest when there is a style of dance that I am not thrilled about, like merengue (Oh...right...I mentioned that already. ), yet I can not dance every dance in a row without occasionally sitting out a style I'd prefer to be dancing. If I need a rest, then I've been known to turn down a request to dance, but I will always explain and promise to come looking for them the next time the same style is played.

I have never had a woman ask too many times. Perhaps this will happen some day, and I may need to turn this person down as well.

In general, the women who ask me to dance are usually women who know me well. Younger women tend to be more likely to ask me, but I have had middle aged women and even occassionally older woman ask me as well. Very rarely have I had a woman who barely knows me ask me to dance. Usually I do the asking, and graciously accept rejections that are received.

I had one recent experience where I was asked by a younger woman to do a hustle. I really like hustle and hated to turn her down, but really needed a rest after at least a half dozen dances in a row and the whole evening in front of me. She really wanted to dance and made it evident that she didn't want to accept my decline, even after my explanation and a promise to come find her for the next hustle. Then she made a sharp retort before walking off. At this point I let it slide, and even asked her to dance later, but I plan to review this with her in my quest to hopefully have her understand where I was coming from, and to hopefully clear up any misunderstanding between us.

People who can't handle getting turned down should perhaps take some time to observer the situation before asking - it's often possible to figure out via body language, eye contact, etc, if someone is interested in dancing with you.
Of course it's also possible to be too cautious.

General example: if the person you are interested in dancing with is talking to someone else, and they do not look up as you approach, I really don't think it's polite to interrupt the conversation. Few people will actually say no when so interrupted, but I think it really demonstrates a careless lack of concern on the asker's part.

I tend to not ask that much, and when I do it is generally to someone I know of my own level who is also just sitting. Despite the fact that I am only 31, I grew up with older parents so I guess the generational thing was a part of my upbringing where I just feel uncomfortable asking someone I don't know to dance.

dancin_feet: Don't hesitate to ask for a dance with someone who is better then you. Particularly in one of your stronger styles. If you know the person even a little, you will be surprised at what may happen!

Also, I understand where you are coming from, it can be challenging to ask someone you are not familiar with to dance. Even if you are a guy like me. I encourage you to keep asking, and it sounds like you are finding a happy medium while building confidence. Way to go!

I'm finding that now there are people I have chosen to not ask anymore :shock: but in all fairness I believe they've earned their way onto the list

There were/are a few leads that seem to feel that they are doing me a great favor by dancing with me or say that they owe that dance to someone else and don't ask me later, I give them the benefit of the doubt for a while but after that... no thanks! I don't need that-- and it's not as though they'd miss me anyway-- obviously. It's offensive.

it takes a little longer but if I've gotten to know a lead in a scene (i.e. we dance together on a regular basis) I'll ask for a while but then back off and only ask occasionally and let him take a turn with the thought that if he wanted to dance with me he would.

but then there are those that seem to have a genuinely good time during our dance and seem very sincere when saying thank you... those I'll keep asking forever.

I agree MapleLeaf, but knowing what funny creatures you men are, you will forget how to ask :wink: so we have to keep you guys in practise :twisted: :lol:

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Hahaha. We´ve had practise in that all our lives, it´s good to get asked for a change.... :wink:

Once in a while, I do a small experiment. For an hour or so, I just stay near the dance floor without asking for a dance. I wait to see what happens... Sometimes, the results are very interesting... :wink: I call it my "open-minded lady barometer test". 8)

Once in a while, I do a small experiment. For an hour or so, I just stay near the dance floor without asking for a dance. I wait to see what happens... Sometimes, the results are very interesting... :wink: I call it my "open-minded lady barometer test". 8)

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Than you had better not try that when I am around otherwise I will leave you standing there :twisted: :lol:

Once in a while, I do a small experiment. For an hour or so, I just stay near the dance floor without asking for a dance. I wait to see what happens... Sometimes, the results are very interesting... :wink: I call it my "open-minded lady barometer test". 8)

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Than you had better not try that when I am around otherwise I will leave you standing there :twisted: :lol: