Bring the worst you've found! ...as long as they aren't more rape fics. We've had enough trauma from those in recent days.

Anyway, here's the link to that crossover I mentioned. I notice gratuitous amounts of OOC and a time set "1000 years" after LoK, which at most would be represented by the late 1800s - early 1900s by our history. Also, the author has no concept of how bending is supposed to work.

*cracks knuckles* Yes ma'am!I'm just gonna dump all most of my C-R-appropriate(ish) bookmarked badfics here, then. (There's also a post I made on page 10 that lists all the fics that have been linked to lately.) (And I'm not reposting links to the kink meme things I've already linked to, like "Matt x mirror".)

Now that's more like it. I'm going to queue for all the court-related fics. And the gangster ones. And the Apollo one. And maybe the Larry one.

And if you're looking for more DD stuff, try the later parts of the meme. Here's an alternative link to most recent entries. I suggest linking to some DD ones for convenience, though I'll also be looking around for any involving workplace violence of some sort.

In fact, maybe something with a little violence in general. I'm taking these fics to court.

Oooooooh sounds like fun, I'm looking forward to it.I like going through things chronologically so I'll set the most recent part of the kink meme be for now, but I'll go look for violent stuff on AO3 for you.

Edit: "GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE" TAG ON AO3 MORE LIKE "OOOH SOMEONE GOT SLAPPED AND GOT A NOSEBLEED FROM IT HOW SCARY"

(Why are there so many fics where Edgeworth dies? ...the other ones were tagged rape and/or were super long, though.)

And, uh, I know you said no rape but this is just so completely, utterly bad. Not particularly disturbing (just run-of-the-mill disturbing) but wow is it ever OOC. And stupid. And OOC. And short. And did I mention it was OOC?

Rating: for this particular fic for obvious reasons. This time, you are recommended to click the link and scroll down to the first of the fics on that page.

I will return with the latter parts of this sporking at a later date and feature a different fic each time. Apologies in advance for the length, but I couldn't shorten it very much without leaving out a lot and trials always take a long time anyway. This must be my, what, 7th rewrite since I first started on it? Sorry it took so long, but was busy figuring out how long it should be or what fic to use. m(_ _;)m

------------------------------------

Something strange is happening at the Sporking Theater tonight. In fact, one of the rooms has seen a complete makeover, and looks exactly like a courtroom. The judge, prosecution, and defense have taken their places, and the show can begin.

*clack*

Judge: The Sporking Court is now in session for the trial of all trials. Are the prosecution and defense ready?

Phoenix & Edgeworth: ...

Maya: ...Hmm, something's a little off, don't you think?

Phoenix: Your Honor.

Judge: Yes, Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: Why are we in a mock-up courtroom at the Sporking Theater!? Is this somehow related to my punishment sporking??

Judge: To tell the truth... I'm not quite sure myself! All of a sudden, I found myself seated at this bench, overlooking a courtroom as if it was any other day, but instead I find a script booklet on my bench!

Edgeworth: It's merely a prank of poor taste the Management have played on us once again, Your Honor.

Phoenix: ...I want to go home.

Maya: Me too. I hope Pearly isn't going crazy with worry, now that I've magically vanished from the village...

Edgeworth: Management, explain yourselves.

Speakers: Now, now, there's no need for hostility. This is but a friendly invitation to Phoenix Wright's long awaited punishment sporking, and all of you are participants! ...Yes, even you, Kay Faraday. Come out from the shadows. We're not going to chase you down like last time.

Kay: Aw, come on! The least you could do is give me some sort of cool intro!

Edgeworth: Kay? How did you get in here?

Kay: The same way I always do, Mr. Edgeworth. Why?

Edgeworth: ...It's nothing. (She can't possibly be the only one not affected by the teleporter... can she?)

Speakers: Tonight, we present to our audiences the trial of all trials that will put our lawyers to the test! Witness the beginning of a beautiful tragicomedy!

Phoenix: ...I've got a bad feeling about this.

Speakers: Wouldn't you know it! Phoenix Wright, as punishment for recurring violations of our codes of conduct, you are hereby sentenced to defending what you most despise... the fanfics! Mwahahahaha!

Speakers: You think you've gotten off the hook, now that we're no longer pursuing you? Think again. This is the perfect opportunity to teach you both a lesson!

Kay: ...Now I've got a bad feeling about this.

Speakers: Flounder in despair, Wright and Faraday, for it will be you two who are forced to defend what every sporker's duty is to detest!

Kay: Nuh... noooooo! *thud*

Phoenix: Then, what about Maya?

Maya: Yeah! What about me?

Speakers: You're not being punished here, so feel free to join Miles Edgeworth on the prosecution's side.

Maya: Woohoo!

Phoenix & Kay: ...

Edgeworth: ...I'll admit it. I saw this coming from miles away.

Maya: Mr. Edgeworth! Maya be gettin' in the pun mood too?

Edgeworth: Uh? N-no, I didn't mean it like that...

Speakers: Whichever team loses must the following round of this sporking event! Now get to your stations! It's time to ruuuumblllle!

Suddenly, Phoenix walks off for the exit. Unfortunately, as soon as he reaches the doors, a bright light envelopes him. The next moment, he's back at the defense bench.

Speakers: As a reminder to everyone, those who refuse to participate will automatically be subject to further punishment in the near future! That is all.

Phoenix: (*sob*)

Edgeworth: Wright, why do you still bother?

Phoenix: Shut up, Edgeworth. You don't know the despair I'm in...

Kay: Mr. Edgeworth, would you mind going easy on us...?

Edgeworth: ...My apologies, Kay, but I cannot.

Kay: Eh?

Edgeworth: If it was any other day, I would, but this is not an opportunity I will waste. I swear it on my honor as a prosecutor... I will find each and every one of these fanfics guilty of public indecency!

Phoenix: Even when it's written as a joke? Creative license and all that?

Edgeworth: That only makes it worse by intention.

Maya: Besides, Nick, since it's not a real court, you don't have to worry about getting your butt officially kicked! Maybe you do about getting it kicked at all, though.

Phoenix: ...Kay, mind sharing some of those tricks you use to get around places?

Edgeworth: The phenomenon known as fanfiction that has long plagued our society with poor examples of writing that would fail in any language arts class. The final drafts of these works often leave much to be desired, and in response, there are those who have come to denounce them in any and every way deemed practical. That is the sporker's sworn duty.

Judge: Indeed! Well said!

Phoenix: (Points for being overly melodramatic, I guess.)

Kay: He feels so much more forceful in court, doesn't he?

Phoenix: ...

Kay: What?

Phoenix: Nothing. (Deja vu, much?)

Judge: Very well. Mr. Edgeworth, you may proceed with the first fanfic!

The lights slowly dim and the courtroom displays flicker on.

Edgeworth: Let us begin with the elephant in the room: the so-called "Kink Meme", a phenomenon that has spread across the internet like wild fire. Here is but one example of what horror can arise from its depths.

Quote:

A PW BADFIC

Phoenix: Oh, now that's just being lazy.

Edgeworth: On what grounds do you claim so?

Phoenix: The author is intentionally writing a bad fanfic for laughs. It's just a joke.

Edgeworth: As I said, that is exactly the problem. There's only so far a writer can go before the fanfic stops being funny and becomes insulting to its readers.

Maya: I dunno... maybe it'll be so bad that it's good?

Phoenix: Yeah, that's definitely a possibility. I mean, we've seen some really awful ones before, so this one might be mild enough...

Edgeworth: Hmph. Then allow me to clear that doubt from your minds. I present Exhibit A:

Quote:

Pheonix Wright was ever in grief since Maya was eaten. He could still hear her screams every night. "PHEONIX, HELP ME! THEY'RE EATING ME ALIVE!"

Nobody understood. When he told Ema about it, she said, "Are you sure they were True Pillbugs (genus Armadillidiidae)? Did any of them roll into balls?"

Edgeworth: I see the defense has no further questions. Your Honor, the verdict, please.

Judge: N-now, wait one moment, Mr. Edgeworth! I don't quite follow what is going on in the fanfic!

Edgeworth: You may relax, Your Honor, for the author's only intention in this case is to end as he/she begins - in utter confusion and nonsense.

Maya: Who the heck kills me off with pillbugs!?

Judge: ...I'm afraid I still don't follow?

Edgeworth: Then we're all on the right track.

Maya: Rule of thumb, Your Honor: if I start off dead in a fic, then it's no good!

Phoenix: (...That's not entirely true, but I'm afraid objecting about that won't help us.)

Kay: At least say something, or we're gonna lose!

Phoenix: Urf... w-well, as I had mentioned, a fanfic that is intentionally bad will certainly turn out so. That is the purpose, after all.

Edgeworth: Yes, I will give you that... but in many cases, the intention differs from the actual result. Can you honestly take the following excerpt from the same fic as amusing?

Quote:

As Maya sighed dreamily, there was a thundering sound. A stampede of pillbugs came over the horizon! "What's that? It looks like a scene from Princess Mononoke!"

"RUN MAYA! RUN!" They ran into an alley, and Pheonix jumped up a fire escape, but the ladder came up with him, leaving Maya below. "I'll send this down again - oh no, my tie is caught in the ladder-lowering lever!"

"PHEONIX, HELP ME! THEY'RE EATING ME ALIVE!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

All: ...

Edgeworth: I rest my-

Maya: *snort*

Kay: *snicker*

Phoenix: *cough*

Judge: ???

Edgeworth: ...Would anyone like to enunciate these noises into proper responses!?

Maya & Kay: Bwahahahahaha!!

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Sorry, Edgeworth, but that settles it. You may not enjoy it, but others clearly do. Your Honor, the defense rests.

Phoenix: You know, Edgeworth, giving up right about now would be wise...

Edgeworth: ...First, let's wrap this up.

Phoenix: Suit yourself.

Quote:

And then Franziska burst into the room! "HOLD IT! Little brother, why are you talking to this murderer?"

"What do you mean?"

"HE KILLED MAYA FAY!"

"What?" "WHAT?"

"If he... had let her go up that ladder first, like a true gentleman, she would be alive right now! I can never forgive you, Mr. Pheonix Wright!"

"Listen, Franzy," said Edgeworth-in-Pearl, "I know you are in despair. But you need to get over this."

Edgeworth: ...Your Honor, it was previously mentioned in the script that Ms. Fey and Ms. von Karma were in a relationship, correct?

Judge: A-according to the script, yes.

Maya & Kay: Eh?

Edgeworth: Even given that I ignore all other mistakes, this is not the way to end a fic. It leaves the audience feeling unsatisfied and bewildered, rather than a sense of closure. In fact, someone has pointed this out to the author in the comments below the submitted fic, and all the author responds with is this:

Quote:

In the end, everybody melts and Franziska and Nick are left alone on the shore of an endless sea. I hope that clears things up!

Edgeworth: Keep in mind that randomness does not determine entertainment level. What is so amusing about ridding the fic of everyone but the two currently at conflict, alone at a starkly different location?

Kay: ...

Maya: ...Not only am I killed off by roly polies, but I'm even dating Franziska...

Phoenix: ...Okay, I'll grant you that the author's last post doesn't add anything to the original mess, but it was left out for a reason.

Edgeworth: And yet it was inserted as a postscript anyway! It is one thing to begin a joke; it is another thing to end it with a clincher, or the joke ceases to be engaging at all!

Phoenix: ... (Damn, he's got a point!)

Kay: ...Wait, so are we winning or losing now?

Maya: Whew, for a moment there, I thought we were done for!

Phoenix: ...You have to hand it to him. Just when it seems we're in the clear, Edgeworth always finds some way to turn the tides again.

Kay: Wh-what!? Mr. Wright, what do we do now!?

Phoenix: Your Honor! There's no denying that this fic appeals to a certain audience, regardless of the unsatisfactory ending!

Edgeworth: That means nothing toward the indecency of this fic's writing as a whole! Your Honor, please choose wisely as you come to your verdict. The fate of either one of us hangs in the balance.

Judge: ...Before I decide, I must first ask the Management a question.

Speakers: Yes, Your Honor?

Judge: In the case I cannot decide between either side, what would happen to either attorney?

Speakers: Simple: they both earn reservations for the following part of the sporking.

Phoenix & Edgeworth: ...!

Judge: Very well... thank you. Now, as for that verdict...

All else: ...

Judge: ...It is a draw.

All else: Eh!?

Judge: My sincere apologies! It's just that both sides have presented strong cases, and I can't decide which one to side with!

Phoenix & Edgeworth: Hold it!

Edgeworth: Y-your Honor, perhaps you should reconsider...

Phoenix: Th-that's right! If you need more time to think, feel free to do so! We can wait!

Judge: But that's the thing! The more I think about it, the less decisive I feel about it! Therefore, I will declare it a draw at this time. I hope this won't be too much of an inconvenience to everyone!

Maya: Th-that's not just an inconvenience! We're all stuck for the next round!

Kay: What!? I don't want to be here on this side again! Can I choose to switch for the next one?

Speakers: You may not. You have already been warned.

Kay: Oooh...

Judge: And with that, the Sporking Court is adjourned for today!

*clack*

Stay tuned for the next exciting round of Turnabout Sporking! The teleporting machine used in this program has been brought to you by Blue Screens, Inc.: "The future is in!"

Oh, it's not that bad! The only thing I'd suggest a little practice on is the body proportions... maybe the necks too. Also, I see you've drawn trilogy-era Edgeworth, rather than DD-era, but I'll let that sliiide.

*sigh* I think it might be better for me to take an official break at this point, because it doesn't seem like I'm going to make any progress any time soon, and I have problems even following the thread at the moment. Forgive me. :/

@Rubia:

-I love the idea of the sporking trial with Maya on Edgeworth's side. It's very entertaining. :D

-One little problem I spotted: Edgeworth seems to be surprised by the trial, so how did he know what fic would be played next, and how could he be prepared and know what was going to happen in it? The way he announces the fic excerpts makes it sound like he has some control over it, which seems unlikely if he wasn't your accomplice. And if he was, why did he seem surprised by the trial? What motivation would he even have to work with you after all we have done to him? Does he have a reason to want to defeat Phoenix?

Don't worry about it. Inactivity doesn't necessarily mean abandonment. I would know. :3 Let us know at any time when you're ready to return to sporking!

And you may be thinking a bit too much into it. There are no accomplices involved. He's completely improvising his way through, and works fast at it. I suppose I could have been more clear, but all of them were given copies of the script just before the session began, so they technically could have taken a look at them at any time. The only one who bothered to read it was him, and given the location they ended up in, he connected the dots.

That, and whoever loses has to stay for another round, so he obviously tried with all his might to defeat Phoenix.

Almost three weeks without a post... I still haven't quite figured out the life-cycle of threads on this forum, so I'm just going to assume that means it's slowly dying. Which means resuscitation, stat!

Today's fic is Phoenix Wright Gets Hit in the Nuts, which, as you may recall, caused a bit of commotion earlier in the thread when it was first recommended.I'll be giving this because

cesar26100 wrote:

But...the twist...is so good...

Today's sporkers will be...Apollo Justice! "'Rating: Fiction T.' Bring it on."Athena Cykes! "For some reason I sense some very cheap jokes coming up..."and...Trucy Wright! "With a title like that, no wonder Daddy's not in here."

[We open up in the sporking theatre (not the room that was specially re-outfitted for a trial, of course). Today's sporkers are already seated in the following order: Trucy, Apollo, Athena, Athena's giant pile of snacks.]

Apollo: Is there even a point to asking you about that?

Athena: Of course it gets its own seat! Snacks are people too, Apollo!

Apollo: ...I was actually going to ask if you were planning on sharing.

Trucy: If you want snacks, Polly, I have some. *pulls out magic panties*

Apollo: Forget it.

Athena: Let's get started on the sporking, then! C'mon!

[The lights dim, and we begin with the author's note.]

Quote:

I'm sorry I wrote this.

Apollo: Oh. That's... encouraging.

Trucy: The best things in life always start with an apology, Polly.

Athena: Hee. A-Polly-gy.

Apollo: Thanks, Athena.

Athena: Sorry, I had to.

Quote:

It's actually based on a dream I had. XD Enjoy!

Athena: So how often are fics based off of dreams actually any good?

Trucy: I'm not sure... I don't think I've seen any. What about you, Polly?

Apollo: Don't look at me. I think I've only been in here a few more times than you have.

Quote:

Phoenix Wright whistled a happy tune as he walked through the cluttered Wright Anything Agency, stacks of files in his arms. He found his way to his desk and set down the large stack of papers on the brown plastic desk (which he pretended was mahogany) with a satisfying thump.

Trucy: Hey! It's not plastic!

Athena: What is it, then?

Trucy: I'm not sure, but it's the same desk that Daddy's mentor used, so...

Apollo: So we're just assuming that she has better taste than Mr. Wright.

Quote:

It was time to practice the sacred art known as...paperwork.

Apollo & Athena: *groan*

Apollo: Hey, wait, what are you groaning for, Athena?! You always make me do it!!

Athena: Yeah, but if you went jogging with me like I asked you to, we could have made Boss do all of it!

Trucy: ...I'm glad being a magician doesn't involve much paperwork.

Quote:

Pen? Check, Phoenix thought, whipping out his plastic pen he bought at Target for ten cents (which he pretended was an expensive fountain pen).

Trucy: Ten cents for one pen? That's actually kind of expensive...

Apollo: Inflation, maybe?

Quote:

Good lighting? Check.

Patience? Check.

Hair still spiky? Ahoge still defying gravity? Check, Phoenix thought, glancing in a hand-mirror he pulled from hammer-space.

"There, there, uh...Red Attorney," Phoenix tried to comfort him. "I'll teach you how to do paperwork! Here, you can help me with these files. They're for-"

"I WILL NEVER DO PAPERWORK!" Apollo screamed as anger boiled inside of him. All his life, all his dreams were a lie. He was so infuriated that he needed to kick something. So he kicked Phoenix Wright in the nuts.

"We warned you!" One of the policemen aimed his gun at Apollo. He screamed and ducked, and managed to miss being hit. But the bullet soared through the window and hit the Jenga tower, causing it to fly apart.

Athena: I claim outside interference!

Trucy: ...so does that mean you were about to win?

Athena: Obviously! It's me! I'm a Jenga master.

Apollo: (...I've never seen you play Jenga. Ever.)

Quote:

"NO! I WAS ABOUT TO WIN!" Athena sobbed.

Athena: Ha! *points at screen triumphantly*

Apollo: Yeah, so fic-you is a Jenga master. So what?

Athena: What, you don't believe me? Fine then, as soon as we're done here... I challenge you to a game of Jenga!

Trucy: To the death!

Apollo: W-What?

Athena: No backing out!

Trucy: Don't worry, Polly, I'll be your second.

Apollo: ...

Quote:

"You guys! What the hell is going on?" Apollo asked.

"Oh, you didn't know?" Trucy cocked her head. "Polly, you're a murder suspect. You supposedly shot a man a few days ago."

Athena: Then why is he running around free?

Trucy: Maybe he kicked the guards in the nuts too.

Athena: Wouldn't they assign him a female guard after a certain point?

Apollo: Why are we talking about this?

Quote:

"Then why don't I remember any of that?!"

"You were drunk."

"Oh."

"But Daddy said he had decisive evidence you weren't the killer," Trucy frowned. "Why are they still arresting you?"

"Wait, I remember," Athena butted in. "Boss said that he had to file some paperwork releasing you from the murder charges."

Wow, sorry for the long absence. I actually forgot I had a second part of a sporking to work on. ^^; I've been so distracted with a certain Japanese law drama Legal High~ and its sweet, jazzy soundtracks that I've been inspired to write AA fanfiction of my own.

Ahem. Nice sporking again. I remember reading through that one, and it also took me a bit to figure out exactly what just happened. My favorite moment from this session is definitely the Jenga argument. In fact, I will promptly come up with a headcanon of who's the very best at Jenga...

...Miles Edgeworth. He used to play a lot of it with Uncle Ray when he was little and he secretly keeps a stash of blocks in one of his drawers that people never see him open. Whenever he's finished with paperwork and has a little free time, on the occasion, he would pull it out and relive the memories. One time, Detective Gumshoe barged in on him in such a moment and as a result had his salary cut... for the 5th time that month.

Just to be fair, though, there's something I'd like to address. Though the dynamic among these three is done well, at times, Athena and Trucy do come off as a little too mean - that is, there isn't exactly some sort of motive or reason behind their insults - and while Apollo has long become used to them, he should learn to retaliate. Long story short, I feel like there needs to be a little more wit behind these jokes.

In fact, I'll work harder to meet these standards. The last time was a test run in a new setting. This next part is where I'll tickle that funnybone.

...Miles Edgeworth. He used to play a lot of it with Uncle Ray when he was little and he secretly keeps a stash of blocks in one of his drawers that people never see him open. Whenever he's finished with paperwork and has a little free time, on the occasion, he would pull it out and relive the memories. One time, Detective Gumshoe barged in on him in such a moment and as a result had his salary cut... for the 5th time that month.

That's... that's so precious.

As for the dynamic, I really need to work on my teasing. Pretty much every time I write it, it ends up being overly-harsh but since I don't notice that, the victim ends up underreacting. *sigh*

Oh, almost forgot. Once he became Chief Prosecutor, he set up a new unofficial tradition at the Prosecutor's Office. At every New Year's party henceforth, there has to be at least one good ol' game of Jenga to round off the night... after everyone's gotten dead drunk.

...You know what? Any one of you inquisitive sorts out there, I dare you to turn this into a legit fanfic. And then maybe if it's quirky enough, we can spork it here. >:)

Oh, almost forgot. Once he became Chief Prosecutor, he set up a new unofficial tradition at the Prosecutor's Office. At every New Year's party henceforth, there has to be at least one good ol' game of Jenga to round off the night... after everyone's gotten dead drunk.

...You know what? Any one of you inquisitive sorts out there, I dare you to turn this into a legit fanfic. And then maybe if it's quirky enough, we can spork it here. >:)

I'd write it myself if I knew how Jenga worked.Seriously, I've never played it before... I have a vague idea that it involves stacking. I also assume it can be played to the death but I assume that's true of every game. MONOPOLY... TO THE DEATH! SETTLERS OF CATAN... TO THE DEATH! MASTER CRIMINAL... TO THE DEATH!!

Really? You've never played it once? In all the versions I've played, these long blocks are set three in a layer in crisscross fashion and players take turns removing a block at a time from the bottom to stack on top. Whoever stacks the highest without knocking the tower down wins.

There's not much strategy to it, but there are those people who try to pick the outer pieces of a layer...

I've even played a different version where the blocks are colored and there are cards involved. It works kinda like Twister, where the players have to pick a certain color instead. Makes for a more interesting game, imo, but I don't see that version around nearly as much.

These sporks are absolutely hilarious. I wanted to try one out myself, but I'm nervous that it won't be nearly as funny as these ones. Would someone be willing to collaborate with me on one so I could learn how to make one myself? Like the character I represent ( ), I strive for perfection, and to create a perfect sporking, I'll need some help from one of you.

"I set my ATM card to 0001, because I'm number one!" ~Manfred von KarmaIt's official. The entire state of California is roughly a third the size of von Karma's ego.

Go ahead and try your hand at one and see how it turns out. If you'd like any one of us as an editor for your works, feel free to pm us about it. As busy as I've become as of late, I can still spare a little time.

Thinking about it, it's been so loooong since MVK last showed up for a sporking. Methinks it be due time for a reappearance soon... but that's just imo.

Rating: For heavy amounts of OOC from each character, usage of caps lock, and a SICKENING amount of racism. Today's sporker advises you to proceed at your own risk.

Speaking of which, today's sporker is:

Manfred von Karma!: I have been told that this fanfic is highly imperfect. I am curious as to what they meant.

-------------- ~von Karma entered the vacant theatre, and took a seat in the front row. He sipped on a pefect margarita, which he had brought in from a nearby bar.~

Manfred: *looks back at the bailiff operating the projector* I demand that you stop wasting my time. Hurry up and begin, will you? -von Karma snap- *sips perfect margarita*

Bailiff: Uhhh, yes of course, Mr. von Karma!

~The bailiff was in a hurry to start the projector, as he was afraid that von Karma would take his job from him. Soon enough, the projector was all set, and the fanfic began playing~

Manfred: You were close to losing your job, bailiff.

Bailiff: S-Sorry, sir.

~Manfred did not reply. He had already begun to watch the fanfic.~

Quote:

The gavel pounded.

"Is the prosecution ready?" the judge asked.

"Yes, your honor", came the usual reply.

"And the defense?"

"Yes, your honor."

Manfred: Hmm...Nothing too bad about it yet.

Quote:

"Very well. The prosecution may make his opening statement."

Phoenix didn't even listen. He knew exactly what it was Miles was saying, so he just stared at his lips moving, to make it seem as if he was paying attention.

The first witness was called.Testimony was full of holes. The next witness was called.

Manfred: I have already spotted errors! First of all, as much as I utterly loathe Wright for ruining my 40-year perfect win record, I will make note of the fact that this is incredibly out of character for Wright to not pay attention to what the prosecutor says. And secondly, -von Karma snap- He forgot to press enter a second time after the second most previous line! *stands up from chair and points at the screen* Have you ever heard of "proofreading", anonymous?! *sits back down* Whatever. Resume the fanfic.

Quote:

"So you claim that you DEFINITELY saw the murderer's identity?" Phoenix asked during the cross-examination, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Yes sir!" chimed the defendant. Her top was so low down her chest that Phoenix half-expected her boobs to fall out at any moment. He looked at her with disdain. He really loathed the woman.

"And you stick by your claim that it was the defendant?"

"Yes sir!" she chimed again. The little jiggle of her boobs that came with her bouncing on the balls of her feet was less sexy, more irritating.

Manfred: AND, now we have MORE imperfections in this mess of a fanfic, and we haven't even gotten halfway through it! To start with, the bailiffs at the security checkpoints were CLEARLY spending more time on anything else other than what they're paid to do, if they allowed a witness wearing such slutty attire to even testify in these halls of justice. And to add insult to injury, they overly emphasize the fact that she is looks like, and probably is, a street hooker, to the point of absolute absurdity. Good lord, I'm gonna need more perfect margaritas for this. Bailiff! Head to the nearby bar and get me more perfect margaritas!

Bailiff: Y-Yes, Mr. von Karma!

Quote:

God, this was boring.

"I pose a question to the prosecution," Wright said, agitated.

"Go ahead," answered Edgeworth.

"Where on earth do you pull your witnesses from? I'm quite sure the murder didn't occur in a brothel."

Manfred: All I have to say is: What in the name of my unnamed wife is a brothel?! Is that some kind of misspelling of a racial slur?! Good lord, this is painful.

Quote:

There was frantic whispering around the courtroom. The judge banged his gavel.

"There will be no insulting of witnesses in this court, Mr. Wright! Hold your tongue, or I will be forced to penalize you."

Edgeworth smirked at him across the room.

"Your honor, Wright must be mistaken for another young lady he... frequents. I'm sure he meant no harm by it. We can't blame him for... Not getting any action in a legitimate fashion."

Phoenix shot daggers at Edgeworth.

Manfred: No. NO. NO!!!! *runs over to the nearest wall and slams head against said wall* This is completely illogical! As I already stated, I loathe Wright with a burning passion, but this is just completely out of character! And on top of that, DAGGERS in a courtroom?! Where in the name of my 40-year win record was security during all of this?! *slams head against the wall two more times* GRRRH! *rapidly smashes head into wall* Hrr...Hrr...Come on, Manfred. You can maintain your sanity. -deep breath- *sits back down*

Quote:

Over the noise of the gavel, Miles replied.

"Of course, I forgot momentarily there that the defense uses male prostitutes as opposed to female ones. He wouldn't have such expert knowledge on the matter otherwise, would he?"

Manfred: *sigh* Miles, I taught you better than to taunt your opponent by using their supposed sexual interests. I am ashamed.

Quote:

Wright shook his head, smirking.

"Ah, Edgeworth. My knowledge of the LA underground comes from nothing other than following you on your back-street excursions one night. Must say, you were rather impressive once you found the boy you were after."

Manfred: No. Just, no. I know for a fact that Miles has no interest in under-aged boys. I specifically trained him to disregard the idea of affection to help him focus more on prosecuting.

Quote:

The judge was calling, "NO, YOU MUST NOT SAY! THIS IS UTTERLY UNPROFESSIONAL, DECEASE THIS INSTANT."No-one cared.

Manfred: At least the Judge knows how to show some decency and attempt to end this before it gets any more vulgar. Also, "No-one"....It's "No one". There's no hyphen between the "No" and the "One". If you can't figure that out, go back to grammar school. My daughter would be happy to whip your grammar into shape. Literally.

Quote:

"That contradicts the fact that you screamed out my name when you were screwing the gigolo."

"I DID NOT SCREW A GIGOLO!"

Manfred: *double facepalm* ....No....Just, NO...Miles, I am so disappointed....As I already stated, do not taunt your opposing Defense Attorney about their sexual lives in a court of law.

Quote:

"This whole conversation has been unsubstantiated, yet you object to that? I rest my case that Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth has the hots for yours truly."

"That is simply not true!" Miles was flailing, realising that his embarrassment was clouding his thoughts.

"This is where the defense was leading to this entire time. I suggest the prosecution admits his feelings and let's the court proceed."

"I shall do nothing of the sort!"

Manfred: Ghrrh... I am absolutely livid, Miles. You held feelings towards another person this whole time?! And even worse, toward another MAN?! I cannot believe you have forgotten my most important teaching to you, Miles: Prosecuting is your only love, and it will remain your only love until you retire. Romance blinds you to what I have trained you to do: prosecute. We will need to have a talk about this once this concludes.

Quote:

At this point, the judge practically screamed, "THIS COURT IS IN RECESS UNTIL BOTH THE PROSECUTION AND THE DEFENSE CAN GET THEIR WITS ABOUT THEM. NOW BOTH OF YOU, GET OUT!"

After the judge had berated them both, they scurried to the bathroom. No-one dared enter, considering what they had just heard in court.

Manfred: Finally, the Judge puts an end to this madness! Thank my almighty win record that this ordeal has finally ended! I'm leaving now. Bailiff, take the tape of the fanfic and destroy it.

Bailiff: Uhh, yes, Mr. von Karma.

Manfred: Good. *steps into a fiery portal leading to Hell, confirming my alliance with Satan*

~To Be Continued...~

"I set my ATM card to 0001, because I'm number one!" ~Manfred von KarmaIt's official. The entire state of California is roughly a third the size of von Karma's ego.

Given that this is your first try, I will first applaud you for attempting with Manfred von Karma of all sporkers. That is a pretty bold move. He's one of the most easily flanderized types because people often mistakenly characterize him only as a figure of incessant hate, disdain and rage. It's ever so nostalgic to see him again... but anyone in this theater knows that the Management always has copies of their re-enacted fanfics. And speaking of fics, that's an oddly appropriate title you've selected for him.

That said, I do wish you had checked your work with someone before submitting it here. I don't mean it's that bad, but there's plenty of room for improvement.

Although I am surprisingly fond of the concept behind VK secretly being a drunk demon spawn and a bailiff showing up from nowhere as his personal manservant, I feel like the way you characterized him isn't quite on the mark at times. The last time he showed up, he arrived from his jail cell accompanied by a couple of watchful officers, so to be forced to return here with only a bailiff (although he wouldn't care to spend time with anyone else anyway) is actually quite insulting to him. Also, he finds only disdain for smilies. I can sense it.

And speaking of company, I personally think a sporking holds together better with at least two named characters to converse. The bailiff is funny, but doesn't have much to say. I'd say this one would be that much more engaging if VK got into an argument with another (in particular, I'm thinking either Phoenix, Edgeworth, or Franziska) over some trivial detail. The fanfic itself isn't very long, after all, so you could stretch it out a bit more with some randomly thrown-in jokes.

Lastly, "brothel" is not a misspelling. It refers to a place of prostitution and I almost spelt that word as "prosecution" dammit.

Ah, well. If you're up for another one, I'll be glad to lend a hand if you need any assistance. Perhaps you might do better with a different cast? Each sporker has his/her own specialty.

Given that this is your first try, I will first applaud you for attempting with Manfred von Karma of all sporkers. That is a pretty bold move. He's one of the most easily flanderized types because people often mistakenly characterize him only as a figure of incessant hate, disdain and rage. It's ever so nostalgic to see him again... but anyone in this theater knows that the Management always has copies of their re-enacted fanfics. And speaking of fics, that's an oddly appropriate title you've selected for him.

That said, I do wish you had checked your work with someone before submitting it here. I don't mean it's that bad, but there's plenty of room for improvement.

Although I am surprisingly fond of the concept behind VK secretly being a drunk demon spawn and a bailiff showing up from nowhere as his personal manservant, I feel like the way you characterized him isn't quite on the mark at times. The last time he showed up, he arrived from his jail cell accompanied by a couple of watchful officers, so to be forced to return here with only a bailiff (although he wouldn't care to spend time with anyone else anyway) is actually quite insulting to him. Also, he finds only disdain for smilies. I can sense it.

And speaking of company, I personally think a sporking holds together better with at least two named characters to converse. The bailiff is funny, but doesn't have much to say. I'd say this one would be that much more engaging if VK got into an argument with another (in particular, I'm thinking either Phoenix, Edgeworth, or Franziska) over some trivial detail. The fanfic itself isn't very long, after all, so you could stretch it out a bit more with some randomly thrown-in jokes.

Lastly, "brothel" is not a misspelling. It refers to a place of prostitution and I almost spelt that word as "prosecution" dammit.

Ah, well. If you're up for another one, I'll be glad to lend a hand if you need any assistance. Perhaps you might do better with a different cast? Each sporker has his/her own specialty.

The part of him going back to Hell shows that this takes place after von Karma dies canonically, and is a reference to the thread starter post for this thread, where it says that it's possible that's he allied with Satan.

Oh, and I intentionally made von Karma drink PERFECT margaritas for obvious reasons.

"I set my ATM card to 0001, because I'm number one!" ~Manfred von KarmaIt's official. The entire state of California is roughly a third the size of von Karma's ego.

Sorry about the part with the present tense narrations. I was just quoting them as they were to avoid plagiarism.

?No, I mean like the sporking narration. I don't see what plagarism has to do with it...?

For instance, you wrote:~von Karma entered the vacant theatre, and took a seat in the front row. He sipped on a pefect margarita, which he had brought in from a nearby bar.~But normally it'd be written:[Manfred von Karma enters the vacant theatre and takes a seat in the front row. He sips on a perfect margarita, which he had brought in from a nearby bar.]Brackets are optional, but lots of people prefer them.

Sorry about the part with the present tense narrations. I was just quoting them as they were to avoid plagiarism.

?No, I mean like the sporking narration. I don't see what plagarism has to do with it...?

For instance, you wrote:~von Karma entered the vacant theatre, and took a seat in the front row. He sipped on a pefect margarita, which he had brought in from a nearby bar.~But normally it'd be written:[Manfred von Karma enters the vacant theatre and takes a seat in the front row. He sips on a perfect margarita, which he had brought in from a nearby bar.]Brackets are optional, but lots of people prefer them.

OHHHHHH, you meant the SPORKING narration. Now I get it. Thanks.

"I set my ATM card to 0001, because I'm number one!" ~Manfred von KarmaIt's official. The entire state of California is roughly a third the size of von Karma's ego.

The part of him going back to Hell shows that this takes place after von Karma dies canonically, and is a reference to the thread starter post for this thread, where it says that it's possible that's he allied with Satan.

Oh, and I intentionally made von Karma drink PERFECT margaritas for obvious reasons.

Oh, I know he's actually a demon spawn. I'm delighted to see him drinking perfect margaritas and possibly being drunk during this sporking. The head-banging might have sobered him up a bit, though.

By the way, are they PERFECT in the way that it's easy to get drunk? If so, I might just have a use for them.

I come bringing goodies from the kink meme. Er, one fic for now, actually, since I am a total badfic hoarder and I don't like sharing/this thread doesn't seem to be in particular need of links right now.It would make a great sporking (especially if you put all the German/German-ish characters in the spork team) but I don't want to do it myself because it needs someone who could handle it a little more delicately than I could.Basically, Nazis.

I come bringing goodies from the kink meme. Er, one fic for now, actually, since I am a total badfic hoarder and I don't like sharing/this thread doesn't seem to be in particular need of links right now.It would make a great sporking (especially if you put all the German/German-ish characters in the spork team) but I don't want to do it myself because it needs someone who could handle it a little more delicately than I could.Basically, Nazis.

I like it. Let's talk about it through Skype.

"I set my ATM card to 0001, because I'm number one!" ~Manfred von KarmaIt's official. The entire state of California is roughly a third the size of von Karma's ego.

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