Bald man wins award for largest slaphead

The Irish dark beer record measuring company have declared a bald man who cannot be named for legal reasons as having the "largest slaphead in the world". An official measured the distance from his eyebrows to his hairline at 23cm (9 inches), beating the previous record holder, Patrick Stewart.

The winner is a bald man who is famous for having a giant slaphead, for which he was finally recognised today - even though he won't actually get that recognition because he cannot be named for legal reasons. He was handed an official trophy from the Irish dark beer record measuring company in Dublin this afternoon.

Sinead O'Connor still holds the "largest ladies' slaphead" record from her bald phase in the 1990s. However, the "largest slaphead (human or non-human)" record belongs to the blue whale.

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