On the brass topic, I've often heard "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey." Well, "often" in the sense of "a couple of times."

Woo Hoo! I know the origins of this!

British sailors used to stack cannonballs in a pyramid, and to keep the bottom row from moving around, they would put them on a brass plate with indentations. A brass monkey. When it was cold, the brass would contract, messing up the spacing of the indentations, and the stacked pyramid would fall over. It was then "cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey."

That is long past the days of witch hunts and unless the SD research staff is willing to explain the gap, their explanation doesn't hold up. Note also the original phrase is "tit," not "teat." In addition, Van Wyck Mason was an American author who lived in New York City in 1932, pointing to an American origin.

A more logical and simple explanation is this: Witches supposedly perform their rites in the nude. Thus, a witch's tit is bound to be cold, especially in winter.

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"East is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does."Purveyor of fine science fiction since 1982.

In a previous thread on this subject, it was proposed that a program of scientific research be carried out to find out which was colder: a witch's tit, a whore's heart, a husky's nuts in a dogsled race, or a welldigger's ass.

Oddly enough, everybody volunteered to investigate the thermal properties of witch's tits. For some reason, no one offered to research husky's nuts or welldigger's asses.

It's not at all clear to me why a welldigger's ass should be cold. I've actually dug a well, which is hard work; and I can tell you, my ass, along with the rest of me, was hot and sweaty while doing it.

It's not at all clear to me why a welldigger's ass should be cold. I've actually dug a well, which is hard work; and I can tell you, my ass, along with the rest of me, was hot and sweaty while doing it.

The idea is that once you've hit the water table, you're going to be standing butt-deep in chilly water.

The idea is that once you've hit the water table, you're going to be standing butt-deep in chilly water.

Ground water is a fairly constant temperature year round, usually around 45 to 50F. And if we take the time of year to be January (as indicated in the Masters column referenced upthread) well then, it's 50F in the excavation which is quite pleasant considering that at the top of the hole it is often colder than a witche's tit.

Ground water is a fairly constant temperature year round, usually around 45 to 50F. And if we take the time of year to be January (as indicated in the Masters column referenced upthread) well then, it's 50F in the excavation which is quite pleasant considering that at the top of the hole it is often colder than a witche's tit.

Ground water is a fairly constant temperature year round, usually around 45 to 50F. And if we take the time of year to be January (as indicated in the Masters column referenced upthread) well then, it's 50F in the excavation which is quite pleasant considering that at the top of the hole it is often colder than a witche's tit.

You have a very different definition of "pleasant" than I do. And I'd much rather be at 0 F with warm dry clothes on than ass-deep in 50 F water.

British sailors used to stack cannonballs in a pyramid, and to keep the bottom row from moving around, they would put them on a brass plate with indentations. A brass monkey. When it was cold, the brass would contract, messing up the spacing of the indentations, and the stacked pyramid would fall over. It was then "cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey."

Of this the National Maritime Museum comments:- "Although we cannot offer an alternative explanation we do not think this theory is tenable. Most of the round shot was carried in racks or 'garlands' which were either wood or rope. No nautical dictionaries give any reference to the brass monkey although monkey was a term used for all sorts of other things. The use of brass is also questionable since it was a fairly expensive commodity and there seems to be no reason for its use when wood sufficed."http://www.nmm.ac.uk/server/show/conWebDoc.17926

"Although we cannot offer an alternative explanation we do not think this theory is tenable. Most of the round shot was carried in racks or 'garlands' which were either wood or rope. No nautical dictionaries give any reference to the brass monkey although monkey was a term used for all sorts of other things. The use of brass is also questionable since it was a fairly expensive commodity and there seems to be no reason for its use when wood sufficed."

Not to mention that the coefficient of thermal expansion for brass is 18* 10^-6 m/m/K. So going from the tropics at 40 C to the artic at -20 C (zero F), if the cannonball holder is a full meter wide, you get a total width change of about one millimeter, spread over the full width of the holder. Which I think probably wouldn't make a stack fall over. In fact, I can't imagine there is much on a wooden sailing ship that has a one mm tolerance to begin with.

In a previous thread on this subject, it was proposed that a program of scientific research be carried out to find out which was colder: a witch's tit, a whore's heart, a husky's nuts in a dogsled race, or a welldigger's ass.

Oddly enough, everybody volunteered to investigate the thermal properties of witch's tits. For some reason, no one offered to research husky's nuts or welldigger's asses.

Must've missed that thread. If you'd connect me with an attractive female welldigger, I'd investigate the warmth of her backside and report back. (Strictly in the interest of fighting ignorance ) You're still on your own re: puppy nads.

Must've missed that thread. If you'd connect me with an attractive female welldigger, I'd investigate the warmth of her backside and report back. (Strictly in the interest of fighting ignorance ) You're still on your own re: puppy nads.

Yeah, everyone who was interested in the witch's tit question was imagining young nubile ones as well, not the classic crone-type witch.

You have a very different definition of "pleasant" than I do. And I'd much rather be at 0 F with warm dry clothes on than ass-deep in 50 F water.

Oh come now. Do you think people digging holes in the ground to find water wear tuxedos? Have you never heard of hip waders? You are not soaked to the skin. 50 F covered in rubber and sweating is quite warm compared to the people at the top of the hole.

Plus the previously mentioned fact that if you are digging a hole in the ground, you never actually get butt deep in water. How do you suppose a well digger would be able to dig if he couldn't bend over to pull out a shovel full of dirt without sticking his head underwater?

So to summarize - water warm compared to the air in January, well diggers wear waterproof clothes in cold weather, and water in well does not approach butt deep.

I have heard the phrase as "Colder than a well-digger's ass in January" and I always assumed that it was a well-digger as opposed to any other occupation due to the fact that a well-digger would have to bend over a lot in his work, thus causing "plumber's crack" and exposing his hindquarters to the elements.

Oh come now. Do you think people digging holes in the ground to find water wear tuxedos? Have you never heard of hip waders? You are not soaked to the skin. 50 F covered in rubber and sweating is quite warm compared to the people at the top of the hole.

Plus the previously mentioned fact that if you are digging a hole in the ground, you never actually get butt deep in water. How do you suppose a well digger would be able to dig if he couldn't bend over to pull out a shovel full of dirt without sticking his head underwater?

So to summarize - water warm compared to the air in January, well diggers wear waterproof clothes in cold weather, and water in well does not approach butt deep.