Speaking Up for USC's Reggie Bush

There he said it…or at least I said it for him. In fact, this entire article is written on his behalf. I’m doing this for you Reggie, because I know there is so much you want to say but you can’t because it would be, well, stupid and bad for your image to go off on the college football gods or seem cocky or dismissive. But In light of the new sanctions against USC, all of which are no doubt tied to the school’s pampering of Reggie Bush and other athletes during his college years, everyone wants to know what’s on Reggie’s mind. “Is he worried about losing his Heisman? Will his college football legacy be tainted in light of these allegations?” Blah, blah, blah…

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But you see, this scandal isn’t really about Reggie. This is about an institution that broke the rules for its own gain. The players involved aren’t victims, they’re just human. Who would turn down an opportunity to get good grades, free cars, free tuition, free dinners and stacks of cash just to play the game they love? Who I ask you? WHO?

I’m no fan of the Trojans or their college football program. I think they deserve the 2 year ban on bowl games and postseason play. Pete Carroll is a douchebag and that institution has been operating its college football program like a spoiled frat boy with a devil may care attitude. I say fine ‘em too! And one can only hope there’s a mass exodus of their talented football athletes to other schools.

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Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s get back to Reggie. He’s probably thinking “I’m just a scapegoat for this scandal. They need a familiar face, a superstar athlete, a fall guy to represent the student side of this scandal. Who better than USC’s Heisman Trophy winning athlete? Now they’re threatening to take away that very trophy that helped to propel me into superstardom. Well, that and my amazing highlight reel. And if that’s what they must do, then I say so be it. It still won’t affect my multi-million dollar endorsement deals, jersey sales, and overall awesomeness. So media, do you really want to know what I think about all this? Get the f*ck off me, bitches. I have a Super Bowl ring.”