Script: Calls for Samantha
to be sitting on the bed sipping a cup of coffee.

Episode: Samantha sits on the
bench at the foot of the bed. There is no coffee.

Darrin's Office:

Script: Larry has a line, So,
why does your head only come up to my nose?"

Episode: "Nose" is replaced
with "Eyes".

Kravitz Living Room:

NOTE: For this episode it is necessary for the Kravitz's
to have a dog. This scene is used to establish that they now have a
dog.

The following is verbatim from the script, but cut from the episode.

An enormous Great Dane [St. Bernard or any large dog ] sits with
his haunches on the floor, and two huge paws on Abner's chest. Abner
is prone on the sofa.
GLADYS: I think he likes you Abner. Just don't make any sudden movement.
ABNER: [dryly] It's not easy to do that, with two hundred pounds on
your chest, Gladys. GLADYS: Well, you'll just have to teach him who's boss.
ABNER: I have a feeling he already knows. GLADYS: You said I could have a dog.
ABNER: I said a dog - - not a live-in donkey. Something catches Gladys'
eye and she moves to her usual place at the open window. Episode:
This scene is cut entirely.

Script: PRODUCTION NOTE: A
midget double is to be used for the four foot tall Darrin.

Stephens Living Room:

Script: Calls for Samantha to
be arranging flowers with her back to the hall as Darrin comes in.

Episode: Samantha comes from
the kitchen to the entry after Darrin comes in.

Script: PRODUCTION NOTE: Calls
for an oversize door and knob [NEW], and an oversize set of golf clubs
and a tennis racket [EXISTING PROPS].

Episode: The tennis racket is
not used.

Stephens Kitchen:

Script: Calls for a nine-inch
tall Darrin, dressed in a handkerchief, a la Tarzan, to be standing
by an enormous cup and saucer. PRODUCTION NOTE calls these EXISTING
PROPS. Also calls for a plain white table top, oversized chair, oversized
scissors, oversized pencil, and fruit and flowers. NOTE that ALL THESE
PROPS EXIST.

Episode: The props used are
a checkered tablecloth, telephone, and coffee mug.

Script: After Darrin's line,
" I'm on a diet", the script calls for Samantha to sit on a small
stool and sip coffee and for Darrin to sit on an upturned cup. PRODUCTION
NOTE calls for this to be the first of two scenes filmed in blue.
[Reviewer's note: Filmed in blue refers to a technique where one person
is filmed in a normal manner while the other person is filmed against
a blue background. The two images are then combined into one film
so that both appear in the scene.]

Episode: Samantha sits in a
kitchen chair and Darrin stands next to the mug. Darrin is dressed
in a handkerchief, but as a robe, not "a la Tarzan".

Script: Calls for Samantha to
say she tried to get her mother, and ask Darrin what is wrong with
his back. Darrin replies that he never slept in a shoe box before.

Episode: These lines are cut.

Stephens Driveway:

Script: Calls for Abner and
Gladys [carrying a ball] to approach the Stephens' house with the
dog. Gladys shows the ball to the dog [that she calls Clive], then
throws the ball into the Stephens' back yard. The dog goes after the
ball.

Episode: The part about the
ball and Gladys throwing it are deleted. The scene is moved forward
to just before the first scene filmed in blue.

Stephens Kitchen:

Script: Calls for Darrin to
be in the cup listening to the conversation in the living room when
he sees the dog looking at him.

Episode: Darrin stands beside
the mug, climbs into it when he sees the dog.

Script: Calls for the dog to
nudge the cup off the table where it breaks when it hits the floor.

Episode: The mug does not break
when it hits the floor.

Alley:

Script: Calls for a trash pile
consisting of an arm chair, a bird cage, an old ink well, and barrel.
The NOTE says all these PROPS EXIST. Also called for is a half pint
size liquor bottle noted as NEW.

Episode: The props used are
a crate, a drum, toy chair, picture frame, coke bottle, and a mayonnaise
jar that Darrin crawls into instead of the liquor bottle that the
script calls for.

Stephens Living Room:

Script: As Samantha tells the
Kravitz's she can't invite them for coffee, the conversation continues
between Gladys and Abner about her being satisfied about Darrin.

Episode: This section is cut.

Stephens Living Room [later]:

Script: Samantha says her mother
makes the wicked witch of the "East" look like Cinderella.

Episode: "East" is corrected
to "West".

Garbage Dump:

Script: Calls for Darrin to
tell the drunk to take him to Morning Glory Circle.

Episode: Darrin says, "1164
Morning Glory Circle."

Stephens Entry:

Script: NOTE: Calls
for the set with Darrin in the bottle to CONSIST OF A DRAPERY MATERIAL
TO MATCH THE MATERIAL INSIDE THE DRUNK'S COAT, INCLUDING PART OF A
LABEL.

TRAILER

Stephens' Living Room:

Script: NOTE: As Samantha
sets Darrin (still in the bottle) on the table, the PRODUCTION NOTE
says: THE BALANCE OF THIS SEQUENCE IS THE SECOND TO BE SHOT IN BLUE.

Script: Darrin arrives in his
car, parks, and crosses to the back door.

Episode: The scene is cut. The
episode starts with the kitchen scene that follows this scene.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: Samantha and Darrin
enter from the kitchen to find Tabatha seated at a toy piano playing
Bach, with Endora conducting.
DARRIN: And by witchcraft!
ENDORA: Oh, how utterly clever of you to figure that out.
SAMANTHA: **All right, Tabatha, that’s enough piano for the
moment. [Tabatha stops playing. Endora lowers her arms].
ENDORA: **You could at least let her finish the First Movement.
SAMANTHA: [to Tabatha] Sweetheart, will you please go to your room?
Mommy and Daddy want to speak to Grandma.
TABATHA: Okay, Mommy. [Tabatha rises from the bench and exits upstairs].
DARRIN: [to Endora] When did you swoop in?
ENDORA: Two minutes ago, to give my grandchild a little present. [Points
to piano] Isn’t it cute?
SAMANTHA: ** [dryly] It’s adorable ,but . . .
ENDORA: ** And, doesn’t it have a brilliant tone?
DARRIN: ** Very. And we’ll thank you not to give Tabatha presents
. . .that are . . .funny.
ENDORA: **There’s nothing “Funny” about that piano!
[Darrin fingers the piano’s keyboard. We hear the normal tinny
sounds of a toy instrument].
DARRIN: ** [facetiously] How come it doesn’t come out BACH when
I play?
SAMANTHA: ** Because she wasn’t conducting.

Episode: The lines marked **
are cut from the episode.

Script:
ENDORA: I refuse to stay here another moment and be compared to an
amateur. [She makes a face at Darrin and POPS out].
SAMANTHA: Three to one she takes back the piano. [The prediction proves
correct. The piano and the bench POP out].
DARRIN: That’s fine. I can buy my child all the toys she needs.
SAMANTHA: Yes, dear. Now I’ll go hurry up dinner.
DARRIN: I’m not hungry anymore. I’m full. I’m full
up to here . . . [hand to throat] of living in a house of voodoo.
SAMANTHA: [bridling] Voodoo?!

Episode: After the piano POPS
out, the last four lines are cut.

Script:
SAMANTHA: You think I’ll fail. You think witches need witchcraft
for everything.
DARRIN: Not for everything. Just for everything difficult.
SAMANTHA: Well, you’re wrong. [hedging again] if pianos weren’t
so expensive, I’d prove it to you.
DARRIN: We can rent a piano.
SAMANTHA: Where would we put it? It’s a big piece of furniture
and . . . .
DARRIN: Aha! You’re trying to get out of it.

Episode: After Samantha’s
line, “You think witches need witchcraft for everything”,
the rest of the lines are cut.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

Script:
SAMANTHA: [to Endora] I didn’t whip it up; we rented it. And
I’m about to take my first lesson.
ENDORA: A lesson? From whom?
SAMANTHA: From Johann Sebastian Monroe.
ENDORA: Why don’t you take from Johann Sebastian Bach?
SAMANTHA: Because he isn’t listed in the Yellow Pages.
ENDORA: Samantha, a well-bred witch never uses the Yellow Pages.

Episode: The lines following,
“I’m about to take my first lesson”, are deleted.

Script: Monroe has arrived.
He strides to the piano with Samantha following. Before Samantha begins
playing, Monroe puts on earmuffs to “protect his ear drums”.

Episode: Monroe lowers the piano
top, places his hand on the piano, and has the line, “For what
we are about to do to you, I apologize”, added. The earmuffs
that Monroe puts on are the type that keeps your ears warm, they have
no sound deadening qualities. [Abner does a similar bit in # 34,
“Remember The Main”].

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

Script: Samantha has now had
three lessons. She is at the piano reading from instructions and practicing
an exercise. Darrin sits nearby, reading a newspaper. Samantha asks
Darrin how she sounds. Plainly lying, Darrin tells her she sounds
great; that is, for only three lessons. Samantha goes back to her
practicing. She makes a mistake. She starts over and makes mistakes
twice again. In a moment of impulsiveness, she flexes her wrists and
by witchcraft she plays some flawless TCHAIKOVSKY. Darrin is furious.
Samantha apologizes and resumes her exercises, being very careful
not to make a mistake.

Episode: This scene is entirely
cut.

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

Script:
MONROE: Mrs. Stephens, this child is a genius!
SAMANTHA: She is?
MONROE: How many lessons has she had?
ENDORA: None!
MONROE: [astounded] No lessons?

Episode: The last four lines
are cut.

Exterior Stephens’ House:

Script: Darrin drives up, parks
his car in the driveway, and walks to the front door.

Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
MONROE: How about thirty?
SAMANTHA: We don’t want her away from us for one week.
DARRIN: Not even for a day.
MONROE: Are you serious? That’s the most selfish attitude I
ever heard of.
SAMANTHA: But she’s only four years old. She needs
us.
MONROE: And the world needs her. You can’t keep this
child hidden. You have to learn to share!

Episode: All lines after the
first line are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

Script: Samantha is searching
for a child prodigy. She hears music, a version of DEBUSSY’S
“CLAIR DE LUNE”. She tells Darrin that she hears FRANZ
LISZT’S “LIEBESTRAUM”.

Episode: The only music that
is heard is “LIEBESTRAUM”.

High School Music Room:

Script:
WILLIAMS: ...let him come to work with me and practice here.
MATTHEW: When I’m old enough to go to high school, I can practice
here in the daytime.
SAMANTHA: In the meantime would you like to study with a professional
teacher?
MATTHEW: Yes, M’am - - -and in a year or so I will.
WILLIAMS: We’re saving up for it.

Script: As Darrin reaches for
the bottle he says, [calling] “I think I’ll make mine
a double”.

Episode: This line is cut here
and moved to the scene near the end where he re-appears.

Script: [Original script] Samantha
calls for Endora. She POPS in wearing a very chic beach robe.
ENDORA: I hope you have good news. You’ve practically plucked
me off my surfboard.
SAMANTHA: Mother, what did you do with Darrin?
ENDORA: You mean what did I do, or what would I like
to do?
SAMANRHA: Don’t be cute.
ENDORA: I’m not being cute. I was about to shoot Australia’s
Bonzai Pipeline with Murph the Surf. Now if you will excuse me . .
.
SAMANTHA: Darrin’s gone and you know it.
ENDORA: Oh, you do have good news.

Revised Script: There
is a page added to the script that offers an alternative scene. In
this script page, Endora has been skin diving with Jacques Cousteau
instead of surfing.

Episode: The revised script
page is used as written.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
SAMANTHA: Mother, let’s be calm about this.
ENDORA: I am calm, darling. I’m positively serene. You’re
the one who is all stoked up.
SAMANTHA: Darrin’s gone and somebody’s got him . . .Now
if it’s not you, who could ….[snapping her fingers] Aunt
Clara!
ENDORA: Nonsense! Why would Clara do a thing like that?
SAMANTHA: Well, her witchcraft is a little wobbly. Maybe she . . .[Suddenly
we hear a long, naughty laugh; Samantha stops in her tracks. Endora
is immediately alert and suspicious] That wasn’t Aunt Clara.
ENDORA: It certainly wasn’t.
The script has hand-written- in changes where Uncle Arthur replaces
Aunt Clara. Samantha’s line about, “Her witchcraft is
a little wobbly” is replaced with, “His bad idea of a
practical joke”.

Episode: The hand written corrections
are used.

Script: Endora defends her
actions in promising Samantha in marriage: ENDORA: [defensively] It
was eons ago . . .at a party. We got a little squiggly from too much
ambrosia. Who knew she would take it seriously?

Episode: The last two sentences
are cut.

Juke’s Cloud Room:

Script: Juke’s room has
no walls. Puffs of clouds abound. There’s a bed, dresser, and
a desk. School pennants from WARLOCK TECH and SALEM U are hung on
convenient ends of clouds. It’s a boy’s room . . .too
young for a grown man. Pin-ups hang on other puffs.

Episode: There are no pennants.
The only decorations are pin-ups.

Script:
CARLOTTA: [to Juke] Shake her hand, dear. [he does, obediently] That’s
enough. [He lets her hand go] [to Juke] Now then, dear, who always
keeps her word? [Samantha watches this next sequences like a tennis
match]
JUKE: [like a robot] You do, Mother.
CARLOTTA: And who promised that someday you would have Samantha as
a wife?
JUKE: You did, Mother.
CARLOTTA [smiling and bursting] And now who’s practically walking
down the aisle with her?
JUKE: You are, Mother.
CARLOTTA: Juke!
JUKE: [catching himself] I mean I am.

Episode: The lines about walking
down the aisle are cut.

Script: Carlotta POPS out.
Juke stares at Samantha.
JUKE: Mother said we had er . . .a lot to talk about. You talk first.
SAMANTHA: Juke, you seem like a nice fellow. I’m going to level
with you.
JUKE: Since we’re going to be husband and wife, you might as
well.
SAMANTHA: Juke, I’m already married.
JUKE: [flatly] Uh huh.
SAMANTHA: You know those animal sounds you heard? Well my husband
is running from those sounds scared to death. Your mother put him
there. It’s called blackmail.
JUKE: [again flatly, not at all surprised] Uh huh.
SAMANTHA: [very upset] I mean, nothing personal Juke, but I just can’t
marry you.
JUKE: Uh huh.
SAMANTHA: It’s not that I don’t like you.
JUKE: [very simply] I don’t want to marry you either.
SAMANTHA: [on her own tack] It’s just that I’m [beat]
Did you say what I hope you said?
JUKE: I don’t want to marry anybody. That’s all I need.
Another witch running my life.
SAMANTHA: [recovering and zeroing in on what might save her] Another
mother telling you what to do?
JUKE: Exactly.
SAMANTHA: Telling you when to fly, when not to fly . . when to walk
through walls, when not to walk through walls?
JUKE: How did you know???
SAMANTHA: [she’s won] Juke, you talked me into it. I release
you from our engagement.
JUKE: Swell. Just as long as we get married.
SAMANTHA: [instantly upset] But you just said you don’t want
to marry me.
JUKE: Oh, sure I said it and I meant it. But what difference does
that make?
SAMANTHA: You mean that whatever mother wants, mother gets? [Juke
nods] You just tell your mother what you told me - -that you don’t
want to marry me - -that you don’t like me.
JUKE: Think of it this way, Samantha. If I refuse to marry you, my
mother will probably put real animals behind those sounds. That’ll
really fix your husband.
SAMANTHA: [horrified] She wouldn’t!
JUKE: Oh, yes she would. She’s a very mean witch. One of the
meanest.
SAMANTHA: There must be something we can do. [Juke extends his arm]
JUKE: We can practice the wedding march. Mother will be very angry
if I fall out of step.

Episode: The entire above scene
is eliminated from the episode.

ACT II

Juke’s Cloud Room – later:

Script: Juke has just finished
explaining how he talks back to his mother.
SAMANTHA: [flatly] Groovy.
JUKE: My Mother’s been jamming you down my throat ever since
I was a little Warlock.
SAMANTHA: But, why me? There are plenty of other witches in the sky.
JUKE: It’s simple. Your father happens to be a royal Warlock,
and my father is, well, what you’d call a white-collar warlock.
SAMANTHA: I can’t believe your mother would put you through
all this just for social position.

Episode: The above lines are
cut. However, the reference to Maurice having royal blood does a lot
to explain why Carlotta was so anxious to get Samantha into the family.
It could also help explain why Samantha was chosen queen [# 108].REVIEWER’S NOTE: Nowhere in any episode does it ever mention
that Maurice, and therefore Samantha, is of Royal blood.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
SAMANTHA: Carlotta, you just don’t have enough faith in your
own son.
CARLOTTA: [to Juke impatiently] What is she talking about? Do you
happen to know?
JUKE: [nervous] I think she saying she likes me.
CARLOTTA: Nonsense.

Episode: After Samantha’s
line, the rest of the lines are cut.

Script:
SAMANTHA: Surely you don’t think we’re going to live with
you?
CARLOTTA: But of course. Juke needs me.
SAMANTHA: Not if he has me.
CARLOTTA: But we have never been separated.
SAMANTHA: Well, I’m afraid you’re about to be.
JUKE: [joyous] Atta witch, Samantha!

Episode: Except for Samantha’s
first line, the lines are cut.

Script:
JUKE: I’ve been thinking . . .a deal is a deal, and I’m
going to marry Samantha.
SAMANTHA: Juke, please let me handle this.
JUKE: I’ve made up my mind. I’d rather be dominated by
you than my mother.
CARLOTTA: [pleading] Juke, just come back with me, and I won’t
ever tell you what to do again.

Script: After Samantha and
Endora exchange greetings, there are additional lines about Samantha
being needed at the Witches' Council, and that she should "fly this
domestic coop."

Episode: These lines are cut.

Script: After Samantha says,
"All right Mother, what's the problem?", Endora's lines include: "The
problem is that during your reign as Queen, you've made but two appearances
before the Witches' Council".

Episode: This line is changed
to: The problem is that after your marriage to that mortal, you've
made but two appearances before the Witches' Council."

Script: The discussion between
Samantha and Endora continues as follows:

SAMANTHA: [firm] Mother, you tell them that the queen chooses not
to oblige. Besides, my term is almost over. It's been a year.
ENDORA: A human year. You agreed to serve three hundred and sixty
five days.
SAMANTHA: That's the same as a human year.
ENDORA: Samantha, you know very well on Council matters we only count
Saturdays.
SAMANTHA: Three hundred and sixty five Saturdays ???!!
ENDORA: Heavy is the head that wears the crown. But remember, my dear,
"noblesse oblige."

Episode: The above lines are
cut and the scene continues with Samantha's line, "I've got too much
to do around here today."

Stephens Front Yard:

Script: Samantha has the line,
"Mother - - -pop out!!!"

Episode: After the above line,
the episode adds the well known line by Samantha, " Darrin, are you
in there?"

ACT I

Stephens Kitchen:

Script: At the breakfast table
there is a long conversation between Samantha and Darrin about what
is going on, what did Endora want, and that Samantha is needed at
the Witches' Council. Included is Samantha referring to herself as
Queen. The last line in this sequence is Darrin saying," Samantha,
let's get something straight. First you're my wife - - - then you're
a Queen."

Episode: About half of these
lines are cut, including all references to Samantha being Queen, and
the sequence ends with Darrin's line altered to." First you're my
wife - - then you're a witch.

Stephens Living Room:

Script: Serena appears. The
script calls for her to give her lines in a high pitched singsong
voice, "a la Mahareeshi".

Episode: Follows the script.

Script: Calls for Serena to
land gracefully and make a salaam bow. Serena then has the line [
n a singsong voice], "For those you love , you climb the highest mountain.
. . ." When Serena finds that Samantha wants her to act as a housewife
for the afternoon, Serena has the line, " I'd rather climb Mt. Everest."

Episode: The bow and these lines
are cut.

Stephens Kitchen:

Script: When Serena changes
into a double for Samantha her script cues become, SERENA/SAM. Tabatha
enters and Greets Endora as Grandma Endora, and Serena as Auntie Serena.

Episode: Tabatha does not greet
Endora, only Serena.

Script: As Endora pops out with
Tabatha, Darrin enters, There is a long conversation between Darrin
and SERENA/SAM [ Darrin thinks it is Samantha ] about Endora taking
Tabatha to the zoo, how he is against it, and that Samantha is bugging
him because he wouldn't, "Let her fly to the moon and play with her
friends."

Episode: This entire sequence
is cut.

Clubhouse Bar:

Script: Darrin and Larry enter.
Darrin is in a foul mood, and Larry kids him about shooting a poor
round.

Episode: The section of the
teasing is cut and the episode concentrates on the conversation with
the drunk. After Larry's line about his famous "tete a tete" lines
about how long Darrin has been married are cut.

ACT II

Stephens Living Room:

Script: After Darrin's line,
"I'll tell you in the car", the script calls for him to cross to SERENA/SAM
and try to put his arms around her. She stiffens and doesn't allow
it.

Episode: This bit is cut.

Script: At Darrin's line, "We're
free as the birds", he starts up the stairs.

Episode: Darrin pauses and adds,"
and the bees."

Script: SERENA/SAM calls for
Endora who pops in with a box of crackerjacks and a balloon. SERENA/SAM
wants to know where Tabitha is. Endora replies that she is with the
guard at the zoo having a marvelous time.

Episode: Endora appears without
the crackerjacks and the balloon. The lines are cut.

Script: After Endora's line,
"Anything he says", the script calls for a fade out.

Episode: The whispering sequence
between Endora and Serena/Sam with SERENA/SAM mugging is added.

ROAD SCENE

Script: Calls for a stock shot
of an upstate New York road and scenery. Early in the road scene the
script calls for Darrin to have lines about this road reminding him
of a road they got lost on once during their honeymoon, and wants
to know if Samantha remembers a little old man. SERENA/SAM has no
idea what Darrin is talking about and hedges her answers as if she
remembered. This continues to what happened between Samantha and the
old man, and what Samantha said to answer his question.

Episode: Beginning after SERENA/SAM'S
line, " Boy, that's some threesome" up to her line "Isn't there something
else on the radio" the scene is cut.

Room at Moon Thatch Inn:

Script: After Darrin exits to
go back to the car SERENA/SAM looks at the bed in panic, makes a gesture,
and the bed is swathed in barbed wire. Not satisfied she tries again
and gets a bed covered with grass and a sign, "Keep off the grass".
She tries again and gets a bed of nails.

Episode: No barbed wire and
no grass. Only the "closed for repairs" sign and a bed of nails.

Script: SERENA/SAM tells Darrin,
" Not now, later."

Episode: The bit with SERENA/SAM'S
hand on Darrin's chest holding him away is added.

Episode: Hascomb does not say
goodbye to Darrin. Larry and Darrin’s lines are cut.

Script:
LARRY: Hascomb drops a $ 500,000 account right in our laps. A no-sweat
simple campaign. You almost blow it and all you can do is stand there
and smile.
DARRIN: Larry, can I talk to you seriously for a minute?
LARRY: Oh, Darrin, if only you would.
DARRIN: I was noticing your paunch. If I were you, I’d lay off
desserts.
LARRY: I’ll lay off desserts if you’ll lay off whatever
you’re on. And when you show up for cocktails this afternoon,
make sure you’re wearing a shirt and tie and no beads.

Episode: All but Larry’s
first lines are cut.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

Script: Calls for Darrin’s
new outfit to include a Nehru suit, a turtleneck shirt, beads and
boots.

Episode: The turtleneck shirt
is deleted and the boots are replaced with white shoes.

Stephens’ Entry Hall:

Script:
DARRIN: You leave me no choice. I’ll use the mirror in the car.
SAMANTHA: Mother! Of all the low down spiteful tricks. I insist
you pop in here and zap that vanity spell off Darrin. [nothing, she
softens] All right, I request you pop in this instant. [nothing] He’s
got an important meeting with a client . . . .Mother. Please...

Episode: Samantha’s last
two lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: [Samantha has moved
to the living room, still trying to contact Endora] Mother, for the
last time, I demand that you appear before me!

Episode: The line is cut.

Script: Samantha casts spells
to remove Darrin’s beads, put his shoes back on him, and dress
him in his suit.

Episode: The spells to remove
the beads and replace the suit are as in the script. The spell to
replace the shoes is not used, but goes as follows:

Protons and neutrons, it’s you that I choose
. . .
To take off his boots and put back his shoes.

ACT II

Stephens’ Kitchen and Entry:

Script: Darrin enters and first
shouts and then screams for Samantha. Samantha gets icing all over
her after the first call for her.

Episode: Darrin’s second
scream for Samantha is deleted.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

Script: Darrin is in front of
the mirror in trousers and a ruffled shirt, pasting on sideburns.
Not satisfied, he changes the sideburns for longer mutton chops. He
loves it.

Episode: Darrin wears a pleated
shirt. He is shown with only the longer sideburns.

Script: [Samantha has ZAPPED
herself into a long shimmering gown of silver sequins, each the size
of a half dollar coin. Around the very low cut neck and the hem are
white feathers. It’s the epitome of too much].
DARRIN: Sam, how dare you use witchcraft to dress?
SAMANTHA: If you can dare gold lame, I can dare anything.
DARRIN: Oh no you can’t. And besides that dress is terrible.
We can’t possibly go like this.
SAMANTHA: [delighted] Darling, I’m so relieved. I knew you’d
see the light.
DARRIN: Of course I see the light. Your silver outshines my gold.
SAMANTHA: [destroyed] Oh, my stars!

Episode: [The neckline on Samantha’s
dress is rather modest. There are no white feathers, but she does
have a boa to carry]. Beginning with Darrin’s, “Oh no
you can’t” through Samantha’s, “Oh my stars”,
the lines are cut.

Tate’s Front Door:

Script: Larry opens the front
door, sees how Samantha and Darrin are dressed and tries to close
the door on them. Darrin has put his foot in the door and pushes it
open.

Episode: Samantha is in front
of Darrin. She is the one who squeezes in so they can both enter.

Tate’s Living Room:

Script: Mrs. Hascomb: [to Samantha]
My dear, where did you get that dress? It’s a heavenly creation.
SAMANTHA: [brightly] How did you know?
DARRIN: How about me? This is 14 carat gold lame you know.
HASCOMB: Really? I hope you have it insured.

The script always refers to Mrs. Sebastian as "Sabrina"
when using her given name. A page is added before the Teaser that states
that her name should be changed to Adrienne Sebastian.

TEASER

Stephens Kitchen:

Script: Calls for Samantha
to come in through the Kitchen door carrying a large basket of clothes
and linens. She is to kick the door shut with her foot and place the
basket on the sink, then cross to the broom closet.

Episode: Begins with the basket
in place and Samantha closing the door with her hand. She then crosses
to the broom closet and takes out an ironing board.

Script: Calls for Samantha's
clothing to become that of an Arabian nights slave girl complete with
harem pants, bracelets on both arms, and shackles on her legs.

Episode: The costume is a short
ragged burlap type dress with no bracelets on her arms. She has shackles
on both her arms and legs which tie together at her waist.

Script: Endora has the line:
"Courtesy? You could give rudeness lessons to an New York cab driver!"

Episode: The line is changed
to: "You could make a fortune giving rudeness lessons!"

Script: After Samantha's lines
about Darrin being courteous, she and Endora have words about Darrin
being a boor.

Episode: These lines are cut.

ACT I

McMann & Tate Outer Office:

Script: Refers to Darrin's secretary
as "Miss Wilson."

Episode: She is referred to
as "Betty".

Darrin's Office:

Script: Calls for Darrin to
light Larry's cigarette and then place an ashtray in a convenient
spot.

Episode: Darrin holds the ashtray
right in front of Larry.

Larry's Office:

Script: Calls for the scene
to open with Larry on the phone to Louise complaining about Darrin's
behavior and asking Louise to "cozy up to Samantha" and find out what
is going on. Louise refuses to be a spy and Larry threatens to cut
off her credit cards. Larry's secretary interrupts to tell Larry that
Mrs. Sebastian is there.

Episode: All of the telephone
call is cut and the scene begins with the Secretary on the intercom.

Script: Larry refers to Adrienne
Sebastian's firm as one of the three or four great cosmetic firms.

Episode: The line is changed
to: "One of the truly great cosmetic firms".

Script: Calls for Darrin to
pull over a chair for Mrs. Sebastian and hold it for her.

Episode: Darrin guides Mrs.
Sebastian to the sofa.

Script: Mrs. Sebastian says
she respects Mr. Traynor's opinion. Then Darrin and Traynor argue
over which advertising plan to use. During this, Traynor puts an ashtray
in his lap. Darrin offers to get him a clean one. Darrin pulls on
the ashtray as Traynor pulls the other way and the ashtray spills
ashes all over Traynor's lap.

Episode: This entire bit is
cut.

Script: Larry has lines about
Darrin being right back, Traynor saying that he is not really happy
with what he sees, but it is a hard sell. Mrs. Sebastian says she
wants to look at the soft sell approach.

Episode: Larry and Traynor's
lines are cut. Mrs. Sebastian's line is moved to the last of the scene.

ACT II

Stephens' Living Room:

Script: Calls for Darrin to
hold a chair for Samantha.

Episode: Darrin leads Samantha
to the sofa.

Script: After Darrin's line
about "is he having a nervous breakdown", the script reads as follows:

SAMANTHA: [surprised, rising] One of us is because I don't follow
you. [As she rises, Darrin rises politely] You are acting a little
strange.
DARRIN: That's what Larry said. [She sits down again, slightly relieved]
SAMANTHA: What did Larry say?
DARRIN: He suggested that I get a little therapy and take a long vacation
- - like two or three years. [thinks this over] I think he fired me.
SAMANTHA: [rising - - testing] Why I think that's the most--- [Darrin
rises with her, and Samantha nods. She sinks back into the chair,
and he sinks back, too]. Were you getting up to get something?
DARRIN: No, but I didn't want to be sitting while you were standing.
SAMANTHA: [flat] Really.
DARRIN: It's customary - - - -
SAMANTHA: Not at home, sweetheart. You're popping up and down like
a jack-in-the-box . [fishing] Darrin, what went wrong today? Precisely?

Episode: All of the above is
cut up to the line: "Darrin, what went wrong today?"

Script: After Mrs. Sebastian
arrives at the Stephens' house she and Darrin have a conversation
about how well he treated her, how she called his office only to find
he had been fired, and saying she wanted to have lunch with him to
talk about the account.

Episode: These lines are cut.

Script: Darrin opens the door
for Mrs. Sebastian to leave.

DARRIN: May I walk you to your car?
Mrs. SEBASTIAN: [with a smile] Not yet.

Episode: Her line is cut and
Darrin sees her out.

Script: After Mrs. Sabastian
leaves, Samantha enters the Living Room. Darrin tells Samantha about
opening his own agency, and waves off Samantha's concerns about Larry.
Samantha tells Darrin he is being too sensitive and to sit down and
think it over.

Episode: These lines are cut.

Tate's Living Room:

Script: Larry is pouring another
drink. Louise is giving him a hard time about the way he treated Darrin.
Larry finally agrees that she might be right.

Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens' Entry Hall:

Script: The scene opens with
Samantha's line about the amount of traffic they have is as much as
Kennedy International.

Episode: Samantha's line is
moved to after Mrs. Sebastian arrives. The scene opens with Larry's
arrival.

[Reviewer’s Note: This episode was filmed entirely
on the studio set of 1164. The two front outdoor scenes are plainly
set backdrops, and the patio does not exist at the façade]

TEASER

Stephens’ Entrance hall:

Script: [where Darrin is about
to leave]
DARRIN: You sure you don’t want me to stay?
SAMANTHA: [urging him] I want you to go and enjoy your game. Your
mother and I will have a very nice afternoon . . . .Everything will
be just fine.

Episode: These lines are cut.

END TEASER

ACT I

Stephens’ Entry:

Script: Calls for Endora to
POP into the entry mirror wearing an exotic sari and carrying a hookah.

Episode: Endora POPS into the
entry itself wearing a long witch’s gown and the hookah floating
beside her.

Script: Samantha asks Endora
to POP out of the mirror and hide the hookah.

Episode: These lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: [Mrs. Stephens is telling
Samantha that if she hade not done charity work she would never have
met Mrs. Endicott Otis]
SAMANTHA: [still puzzled] I’m all for charity, but . . .
MRS. STEPHENS: Samantha, you don’t understand. It’s the
social contacts you’ll make through charities that will pay
off for Darrin. They all take time, and that’s why you need
a maid.

Episode: These lines are cut.

Script: Amelia has arrived.
Although there is no need to, she wipes her feet on the welcome mat
outside before entering.

Episode: No welcome mat is shown.
Amelia does not wipe her feet.

Script: [After Amelia goes
to get her things, Mrs. Stephens comes back into the living room from
the kitchen carrying cookies]
MRS. STEPHENS: Where’s Amelia? You didn’t let that treasure
get away, did you?
SAMANTHA: [wryly] No, Mrs. Stephens, it’s all settled. She hired
me on the spot. [a beat] She’s out in the car getting her things.
MRS. STEPHENS: Good. I’ll stay and help you break her in.
SAMANTHA: Oh, that won’t be necessary. I can . . . .
MRS. STEPHENS: [holding up her hand] Say no more, child. I’m
happy to give up the rest of my day for you.
SAMANTHA: Mrs. Stephens, you’re a mother-in-law in a million
. . .and you’re mine.

Episode: This scene is cut.

END ACT I

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: [Samantha stands with
a cup of coffee as Darrin comes downstairs, dressed for work].
DARRIN: Thanks, Sam. [a quick sip, then] Why don’t you call
Amelia in here and I’ll do the honorable thing. We’ll
fire her together.
SAMANTHA: [takes a note from her pocket] Miss “Home Sweet Home”
isn’t here.
DARRIN: It’s too much to hope that she’s quit.
SAMANTHA: [reads note] Dear Mrs. Stephens . . .I’ve gone to
the market. I like to get to the vegetables first thing before they’re
all picked over. Yours truly Amelia. [Endora suddenly POPS in] Mother!
Have you ever thought of using the front door?
ENDORA: Whatever for?
SAMANTHA: Is there something special you wanted?
ENDORA: I’m curious. I popped in earlier to say hello and saw
a stranger bustling around the kitchen.
DARRIN: [urgently] Did she see you?
ENDORA: [to Samantha] Oh, has Durwood been here all the time? I hadn’t
noticed him.
SAMANTHA: Mother!
ENDORA: Two-dimensional objects do have a way of fading into the background.
DARRIN: [to Endora] It’s a good trick. Why don’t you try
it sometime. ALL the time?
SAMANTHA: Darrin!
DARRIN: Sorry to leave you with our problem, Sam . . .but I’m
going to be late for the office. [He gives her a quick kiss and goes
out the door. Endora raises her hand as if to cast a spell]
SAMANTHA: Mother!
ENDORA: [she lowers her hand] Oh well, it’s the thought that
counts.

Episode: [added are the following
lines]
AMELIA: Excuse me. Before we get into that, may I say something?
SAMANTHA: Of course, Amelia. Tell me whatever is on your mind.
AMELIA: Mrs. Stephens, I’ve never been as happy in my entire
career as a maid. I’m looking forward to a long and perhaps
permanent relationship with your little family.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

Script: Calls for Amelia to
say she is putting her son through college.

Episode: “Son” is
changed to “Nephew”.

END ACT II

TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: [Amelia has changed
back into the clothes she wore when she arrived. She has her suitcase].
AMELIA: Working here has certainly been a rewarding experience.
SAMANTHA: For us, too, Amelia
AMELIA: I hope leaving you isn’t a mistake.
DARRIN: Don’t forget how financially rewarding it will be working
for Mrs. Otis.
AMELIA: [shaking her head] I still don’t know why I agreed to
that.
SAMANTHA: You remembered you were putting your son through college.
AMELIA: [brightly] Tabitha, I’ll come and visit you on all my
days off.
TABITHA: [to Amelia] We can play with my airplane. [Tabitha wiggles
her nose and the airplane does miraculous tricks. Samantha makes a
circular motion and the airplane begins to fly circles around Amelia.
She hurriedly picks up her suitcase]
AMELIA: On second thought, I think it will be easier if I make a clean
break.
SAMANTHA: I always say, the best way is just to go. [The airplane’s
flight is getting to Amelia. She starts for the door]. [Samantha calls
after her] And not look back. . . . .That’s a relief.
DARRIN: [wise, whispers] Did you ah . . .?
SAMANTHA: [innocently] What? [Darrin makes a motion with his hand.
Samantha smiles] Cute, huh? [The airplane still flies in circles]
DARRIN: Would you mind . . .? [Samantha makes a gesture and the airplane
disappears]
TABITHA: What did mommy do to my airplane?
SAMANTHA: Never mind, young lady. We’ll talk about that later.

Episode: There is no TRAILER
in the episode. The episode ends where the script ends ACT II.

Reviewer’s Note: Normally scenes cut from a
script do not have a strong effect on the episode. Here, however, there
are several actions that take place that are not explained in the episode,
but are fully explained in the scenes cut from the script. For example:
What is the purpose of the doll theme?; Why is Darrin suddenly so generous
when he is described as something of a tight-wad?; Why is Miss Wilson
being given 10% of the profits? What are the gifts Darrin has to return
that he is never shown giving to Samantha?

TEASER

Stephens’ Dining Room:

Script:
SAMANTHA: . . . .then we pin it together . . . .then try it on to
see if it fits . . .[a] TABITHA: Then is it I dress?[b] SAMANTHA: Almost. It takes a long time and a
lot of work.[c] TABITHA: I know how to do it quick [starts to
bring her finger to her nose][d] SAMANTHA [admonishing] Now, Tabitha, you know
daddy doesn’t like for us to use witchcraft.[e] TABITHA: [trying to understand] And he wants
you to do it this way.[f] SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, making this dress for you
was my idea. When you’re older, you’ll see how much fun
it is to do things for other people.

Episode: Lines [a]
and [b] are cut. Lines [c] and
[d] are in the episode. Lines [e] and
[f] are replaced with:
TABITHA: Silly Mommy!
SAMANTHA: Good grief! You sound just like my mother.

Script: [Endora POPS in and
begins to examine the music box. She snaps her fingers and a jeweler’s
loupe appears. She screws it into her eye:]
ENDORA: Colored glass and rhinestones. “Made in occupied Italy”.
Three dollars and ninety-eight cents - - -and from your hero. [sighs]
You poor darling!
SAMANTHA: I love it.
ENDORA: Sentimental piffle!
SAMANTHA: It’s the thought that counts.
ENDORA: That’s a very convenient set of middle-class values
you have - - -especially since you’re stuck with a middle class
income.

Episode: [Endora does not use
an eye loop, nor does she closely inspect the music box. The above
lines are cut and replaced with:]
ENDORA: Look at you. Making Tabitha’s clothes. You’ve
been reduced to a slave in Durwood’s sweatshop. You are just
too starry-eyed to realize what’s happening to you.

Script: [Samantha exits. Endora
makes a gesture and MAC ALLISTER, a distinguished and white haired
Warlock appears. He wears a smoking jacket, velvet slippers, and has
a martini in his hand:]
MAC: Endora! This is a pleasant surprise! [Endora gestures for quiet,
and they talk in low tones:]
ENDORA: Mac, I’ve come to a decision and I need your help.
MAC: [surprised] You - -Endora the incomparable, the all powerful
- - -you need my help? Reviewer’s note: These lines may
be found repeated in episode # 239.
ENDORA: I have a rather devious scheme that will save my daughter
from being stuck for life in this suburban cracker box.
MAC: It’s a pretty attractive cracker box, I would say.
ENDORA: It’s not attractive enough for my daughter. What I want
you to do is to provide Durwood with vast wealth. And make sure it
looks legitimate. He’s the suspicious type.
MAC: Why don’t you do that?
ENDORA: Because if Samantha gets suspicious, I can truthfully say
I haven’t cast a spell.
MAC: [grins] Endora, you’re the soul of integrity - - and a
sneak of the first water!
ENDORA: I always go first cabin. Perhaps you’d better hit him
with a generosity spell later on, too. He’s a bit of a tight-wad
. . . .over-do it a lot.
MAC: Leave everything to me. I’ll get busy on it tomorrow.
ENDORA: Thank you. And let’s forget we had this conversation.
[Mac POPS out, Endora smiles smugly].

Script: [The Professor starts
out of the office; turns back to Darrin:]
PROFESSOR: By the way, Mr. Stephens, I’d like to tell you the
real reason that I came to you.
DARRIN: Oh . . .?
PROFESSOR: The truth is I tried three other advertising agencies first,
and I couldn’t get past the person who brushes off the crackpots.
DARRIN: Well, Miss Wilson, I think that makes you deserving of ten
percent of the profits as a finders fee.
MISS WILSON: Why, thank you, Mr. Stephens. [Larry’s voice over
the intercom:]
LARRY: Darrin, will you knock it off with those dolls and get in here.
Henderson and I are waiting.

Episode: This part of the scene
is cut.

Larry’s Office:

Script: [Just before Darrin
asks Larry if it is all right if he goes home early; he has some shopping
to do; there is a flash of light, Larry and Darrin freeze, the Professor
fades in with his hand over Darrin’s head and incants:]
PROFESSOR: Root of jinseng, pinch of salt! Note: Not the usual
spelling for ginseng, but this is the script spelling.

Be Thou generous to a fault!
Be thou utterly beguile,
Indulging you, your wife and child.

Episode: The above is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
SAMANTHA: [suspicious] Darrin, there’s something very strange
about all this, if you know what I mean.
DARRIN: I thought about that, but the man who brought the dolls to
me tried three other agencies first and they chased him out . . .Honey,
every once in a while, these silly little things hit. And I just got
lucky.
SAMANTHA: [nods] Well, I guess maybe it’s okay.

Episode: After Samantha’s
lead in line, the rest is cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Bedroom:

Script: [Samantha calls Endora,
who POPS in wearing a skin diver’s wet suit. She carries a spear
fishing trident]
ENDORA: Isn’t it obvious? I’ve been spear fishing . .
. [a beat] . . .with Prince Cellini in the Adriatic . . .what a soggy
bore. [a]
SAMANTHA: Mother, you know what I mean . [b]. .Did
you put a spell on some little doll and get someone to bring it to
Darrin . . . and then . . . .
ENDORA: [interrupting] Child, are you all right?
SAMANTHA: Don’t evade the issue. Darrin is involved with some
little doll that everyone wants to buy. He’s earning a fortune
and it’s my guess that it’s no fluke.
ENDORA: Oh . . .It’s probably one of those fads that keep happening
to mortals. Well, well! Durwood finally tripped into something good
all by himself.
SAMANTHA: I just don’t understand it. You wouldn’t believe
what’s going on down stairs. Darrin’s gone beserk. [Note:
Script spelling error] It’s not like him.
ENDORA: Oh, yes it is my dear. He’s a mortal, isn’t he?
They get their hands on a little money and they run amuck.
SAMANTHA: Maybe some mortals . . .but not Darrin.
ENDORA: [the wise mother] Well, you’ll find out that “Mother
told you so”. Show me Durwood with a fat bank account and I’ll
show you a well-heeled heel. But enjoy it sweetheart. Maybe you’ll
finally get out of this domestic coop.

Episode: [Endora wears a parka.
She has been spear fishing in the Artic sea. Added after [a]
is the line, “But he does have a fascinating igloo.” After
[b] the rest of these lines are cut and replaced
with:]
SAMANTHA: Did you put a spell on a dumb little doll?
ENDORA: Oh, my dear child, are you all right?
SAMANTHA: Don’t evade the issue. Darrin’s involved with
some little doll….
ENDORA: Oh, you poor darling. What’s her name? Oh, never mind
her name. Get Tabitha and let’s leave. Don’t bother to
pack.
SAMANTHA: Mother, really, it’s a toy doll that everyone wants
to buy. Darrin’s making a fortune. But it’s my guess that
it’s your spell.
ENDORA: Oh, it’s probably one of those fads that keep happening
to mortals.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
DARRIN: . . . .when we were married you made a great sacrifice for
me. You gave up the use of your powers
SAMANTHA: What does that have to do with anything?
DARRIN: Now that we have all this money and power, I realize how much
it must have meant to you, and I’ve made a decision.
SAMANTHA: Oh, really?
DARRIN: [magnanimously] From now on you can use all the witchcraft
you want. [he gives her a peck on the cheek] I think I’ll get
myself a cup of coffee.
SAMANTHA: Mother . . .one of these days . . .Pow!!

Episode: After Darrin’s
lead-in line, the remainder is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room – later:

Script: [The Tate’s have
come over for dinner. After dinner, Louise is holding one of the dolls:]
LOUISE: There is a good feeling to them, isn’t there?
SAMANTHA: [shrugs] Apparently they make lots of people feel better
than having an extra dollar bill.
DARRIN: And oh how the money keeps rolling in! [He takes a little
jewelry box from his pocket and hands it to Samantha]. Don’t
say I never gave you anything.
SAMANTHA: [helplessly] He just won’t quit.
LOUISE: Larry won’t even start. [They exchange glances as Samantha
opens the box, revealing a diamond brooch. Louise gasps]
SAMANTHA: It’s lovely, but Darrin. I don’t really . .
.don’t you think it’s a little ostentatious?
LOUISE: I’ve never seen anything so gorgeous in my life, and
I’m not likely to.

Episode: The entire above scene
is deleted.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

Script:
ENDORA: I’ll take care of it right away.
SAMANTHA: And the dolls too.
ENDORA: In a way, it’s a shame . . .those dolls were kind of
cute.
SAMANTHA: Yes, adorable.

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut. The line after [c]
is cut. The lines after [d] are cut.

Script:
ENDORA: She can’t? How peculiar? [a]
SAMANTHA: Do you have a theory of why I’m eerie?
ENDORA: Did you read “The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam” while
flying over Corsica eating cheesecake?
SAMANTHA: [shakes her head] Mother, I haven’t been flying, and
believe me . . .I’m not lying.
ENDORA: I see. Did you accidentally conjure up a gifted poetess like
Gertrude Stein and drink champagne with her?
SAMANTHA: No Stein, no wine.
ENDORA: In that case, I can’t imagine what caused it.
DARRIN: [facetiously] But you had some great theories.

Episode: After [a],
the remainder is cut.

Script:
ENDORA: Samantha, rhymes yes, puns no. [a]
SAMANTHA: For that bomb, I’m sorry, mom.
ENDORA: You know what you might have? A Venetian verbal virus!
DARRIN: What’s that?
ENDORA: A Venetian verbal virus is a virus transmitted by gamma rays
from Venus.
DARRIN: I’m sorry I asked.
ENDORA: It disappears in 24 hours.
SAMANTHA: It goes away in just one day?
ENDORA: Completely. However, just to be safe, since the mountain climber
won’t come to Mohammed, [b] I’ll find
Dr. Bombay and have him give me a potion for you.

Episode: All lines between [a]
and [b] are cut.

Darrin’s Office:

Script:
DARRIN: Frankly Larry, I find your making social engagements for Samantha
and myself without consulting me is in bad character.
LARRY: Darrin, this dinner is not social. - - - -

Episode: Before Larry’s
first line, he has a line added, “That’s not bad character.
That’s my character.”

Stephens’ Living Room intercut with Darrin’s Office:

Script: [Samantha and Darrin
are on the phone]
DARRIN: We’re very close to landing the Durfee Dog Food account
and Mr. And Mrs. Durfee have invited us and Larry to dinner tomorrow
night. [a]
SAMANTHA: Tomorrow night we have a date? With Mr. And Mrs. Durfee
and Larry Tate?
DARRIN: [concerned] . . . Sam, are you sure that’s a twenty-four
hour virus?
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, don’t get up-tight. I’ll be fine
by tonight.
DARRIN: I sure hope your mother knows what she’s talking about.
SAMANTHA: Fiddly-doo, I do too. [b] Goodbye, Darrin,
I think I “oughter” put these flowers in some water. [she
exits toward the kitchen]

Episode: All lines between [a]
and [b] are cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

Script: [a]
[Gladys and Abner are heard approaching the kitchen door, which is
open]
ABNER: [o.s] Gladys, why are barging in? Why didn’t we just
phone for an appointment?
GLADYS: Abner, don’t be so formal. It’s for a good cause,
isn’t it? [b]
GLADYS: Look, the door is open!
ABNER: That’s snooping.
GLADYS: It is not. [c] It’s scientific research.
ABNER: Into what?
GLADYS: Into all the weird things that go on in there. As long as
it’s empty, I’ll just mosey inside.
ABNER: Okay, nosey, you mosey - -alone. I’m waiting for an invitation.
[d] [Gladys enters the kitchen].

Episode: All lines between [a]
and [b], and between [c] and [d]
are cut.

Script: Darrin drives home,
parks his car, gets out and walks to the front door.

Episode: This scene is cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: [Dr. Bombay POPS out]
SAMANTHA: There goes a great doctor and a great warlock. [The front
doorbell rings, Larry is standing there]
DARRIN: [a] And here comes a great advertising man.
SAMANTHA: [to Endora] Mother, Tabitha’s in her room. She can
play until eight o’clock, then put her to bed.
ENDORA: Yes, dear. Have fun. [to Darrin] See Darwin, you got all excited
about nothing. [the doorbell rings again] I think I’ll pop up
and see Tabitha. [Samantha puts on her coat, Darrin opens the door].
LARRY: Darrin, you kept me waiting.
DARRIN: Sorry. [lightly] You know how women are getting dressed.
SAMANTHA: Hi, Larry!
LARRY: Hi, Sam. How’s your virus?
SAMANTHA: It’s gone. It disappeared as if by magic.

Episode: All lines after [a]
are cut.

Restaurant:

Script: [Durfee quotes his 50
year old slogan]
DARRIN: But Mr. Durfee, you asked us to come up with a fresh approach
to your advertising.
DURFEE: That’s true Stephens. I merely said that I’m not
sure there is anything better than the slogan that has served us so
well for the last 50 years.

Episode: Darrin and Mr. Durfee’s
lines are cut.

Script: [Samantha stands near
the entrance area and waits for a drunk who has been eying her to
take a sip of his drink; then she POPS out. When he turns back, she
has vanished].
BARTENDER Another, sir?
DRUNK: Another what?

Episode: The lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: [Endora plays an elaborate
game of solitaire. If she doesn’t get the card she wants, it
turns into the wanted card.] [Samantha POPS in]
SAMANTHA: [urgently] Mother, the rhymes are flowing like a fountain.
Tell me the name of Bombay’s mountain.
ENDORA: Mount Everest. South slope.
SAMANTHA: The south slope. He’s still there, I hope. [She changes
into a parka and mountain climbing pants and POPS out]

Episode: [Endora is reading,
not playing solitaire. Samantha POPS in. After Samantha’s first
line, the lines are rewritten as:]
ENDORA: Mount Everest. He’s probably at the top by now.
SAMANTHA: Top of Mount Everest. It’s now or neverest. [She POPS
out without changing clothes]

Restaurant:

Script: [The same customer still
sits at the bar staring at the spot where Samantha disappeared. He
glances away, looks back to see her standing there. He calls the bartender]
DRUNK: Bartender, I changed my mind. Make it a double . . .it’s
too late to quit.

Episode: The above scene is
cut.

Script:
DARRIN: I think jingles have become outmoded. [a]
SAMANTHA: So do I.
EDNA: So do I.
DURFEE: Edna, nobody asked you. [b]
SAMANTHA: [to Durfee] And I just proved it to you. By talking in poetry
until all of you were irritated. Larry, weren’t you irritated?
LARRY: [hedging] No, not exactly.
EDNA. I was [c] Now that you mention it.
DURFEE: So was I. [d] Especially that Mr. Durfee
purfee-wurfee.

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are deleted, as are the lines immediately
after [c] and [d].

NOTE: Scripts seldom have notation for
ad lib greetings, farewells, etc. This script is unique in that it calls
for ad libs in five places.

TEASER

Tabitha's Room:

Script: After Tabitha's line,"
You're a good yeller Daddy", there is a dialog between Darrin and
Tabitha as follows:

DARRIN: [patiently] Tabitha, there are some things you should know
about modeling clay.
TABITHA: What things?
DARRIN: You're supposed to use your hands.
TABITHA: How come, Daddy?
DARRIN: Well, modeling clay was made to be molded by hands . . .I
mean sculpting with your nose isn't... [can't answer]... Excuse me,
Tabitha, but I need to have a few words with your mommy.
TABITHA: Say goodbye to Cynthia and Country Cousin or their feelings
will be hurt.
DARRIN: Goodbye, Cynthia . . .Goodbye, Country Cousin.
[Darrin exits]

Episode: This scene is cut.
Darrin exits after the line, "You're a good yeller, Daddy."

Stephens Living Room:

Script: As Samantha follows
after the bouncing ball, Darrin crosses over to stand next to her.

SAMANTHA: [tentatively] How about a drink?
DARRIN: That's better.
SAMANTHA: [crossing to the bar] Four Roses? [she giggles, Darrin glares]

Episode: The lines beginning
with, "How about a drink" are cut.

Darrin's Office:

Script: Darrin enters carrying
a series of layouts. He crosses to the desk and displays a card reading:
PLAY BALL WITH W. R. CAMPBELL - FIRST IN SPORTING GOODS. Darrin and
Larry look at the cards with comments about how good they are, they
will cinch the account, ending with Larry saying, "I've got the contract
right here" as he taps his coat pocket. The intercom buzzes.

Episode: The scene begins at
the point where the intercom buzzes.

Script: As Waldon R. Campbell
enters, the script calls for ad lib introductions. After Campbell's
line about the secretary having nicely stacked chips the script calls
for more ad lib comments, "Right, that's right, etc".

Episode: Very little ad libbing
is done.

Script: Darrin has the lines,"
Shall we send for ice? I like my medicine cold."

Episode: These lines are cut.
The bit with Campbell making himself another drink with the lines
about something being missing are added.

The Golden Spoon Restaurant:

Script: After Campbell's lines,
" how do you think you can help my company's public image?" Darrin
starts to speak but realizes he is in no shape to make a sales pitch.

Episode: Darrin has a line added,
" Mr. campaign, our Campbell . . ."

Script: Campbell has the lines:
" You guys already ate. I'm the one that didn't have lunch. Now let's
get down to business . . ."

Episode: The lines are changed
to: "You guys already had ten or twelve olives. That's enough lunch
for anyone. Now let's get down to business . . .

Darrin: I think it's too late for lunch. We had better get back
to the office.
Larry: Right, right, good thinking.

Script: Campbell's next lines
include: "I'll order a sandwich."

Episode: This line is cut.

ACT II

Stephens Dining Room:

Script: Calls for a conversation
between Samantha and Darrin about how his nap went, what is being
served for dinner, how she managed such a feast in such a short time
with no warning and Samantha's comment about using witchcraft to make
dinner since Darrin did not call her.

Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Den:

Script: After Endora pops out
with the clay bust, Samantha has the line, "Darrin, I think this is
going to be a very interesting evening" followed by a fade out.

Episode: Darrin has the line,
"Boy, am I asking for it" added before Samantha's line, and "Stay
with me" after it.

Stephens Entry Area:

Script: Again calls for ad lib
greetings, and for Larry to remove his top coat.

Episode: Greetings between Darrin,
Samantha, and Larry are ad libbed. Larry does not wear a top coat.

Stephens Living Room:

Script: Calls for Darrin to
say "I'll get it" and the scene to switch to the clay bust.

Episode: Campbell has the line"Them!
You can put it all in one glass" added.

Stephens Dining Room:

Script: Calls for Campbell to
complement Samantha on the dinner, calling her a magician. Campbell
pours more drinks, Larry wants to get down to business, but Campbell
does not talk business till after the brandy course.

Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Living Room:

Script: Calls for the clay busts
of Darrin and Larry to have a conversation about how it is to live
here.

Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Dining Room:

Script: Calls for a conversation
between Darrin and Samantha about how Endora has done it again, there
are four people and six heads in the house and all of them talk, Samantha
is concerned that Darrin has been too rude to Endora, and Darrin agrees
to apologize.

Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Den:

Script: Darrin, Larry, and Campbell
enter. They sit.

Episode: Darrin offers Larry
and Campbell drinks. Both decline.

Script: Larry's statue sneezes.
Darrin's statue says, "You ought to see an allergist." Both Campbell
and Larry react. The scene switches back to Darrin's sales pitch.

Episode: After Larry and Campbell
react, Larry has a line added, " Lifelike, aren't they". Darrin offers
Larry another drink.

Script: [Samantha looks at the
chimp’s collar. There is no tag]
SAMANTHA: [flatly] A collar with no name tag. What will they think
of next?

Episode: The above is cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

Script: [Calls for the chimp
to carry on fitfully, doing frenetically whatever the chimp can do,
as flips, squeals, running around in circles, etc.]
SAMANTHA: There’s no doubt about it . . .you are a monkey with
a problem. [The chimp nods yes]. [a] Okay. You go
play on the swings while I put Tabitha down for her nap, then we’ll
see . . . .[curiously] what we shall see.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: In the next scene Samantha changes the chimp
into a man. The script notes that he is in jeans and a tee shirt with
a lot of hair hanging down. The script also notes that, “It would
be nice if he had long hairy arms”.

Script:
SAMANTHA: . . . .And you can’t remain a man, not even for one
day. [a]
HARRY: I’ll make a deal with you.
SAMANTHA: [incredulous] Deal!!!?
HARRY: Yeah . . .if I don’t make it as a man in one day, I promise
I’ll go back to being a chimp quietly.
SAMANTHA: This is ridiculous.

Episode: All lines after [a]
are cut.

Script:
HARRY: . . .How many people in that park today knew you were a witch?
SAMANTHA: Oh my stars . . .
HARRY: Don’t be stubborn about this. [a] All
I want is to remain a man, for one measly day. Just to see if I can
make it. What could be simpler?
SAMANTHA: Turning you back into a chimp and taking you home would
be a lot simpler. [He makes a face at Samantha and jumps up on the
bars and does a giant swing].

Episode: Everything after [a]
is cut.

Larry’s Office:

Script:
LARRY: [fighting for control] Mister Stephens and I will give this
some thought [a] and tomorrow we’ll uh . .
.put this idea up against uh . . .
EVELYN: I like this idea. [turns to Bobby] Give it to him again.
BOBBY: “To bring out the best of your beast, give him Brawn
Cologne” [b]
EVELYN: [intrigued] Remarkable, the way they get those things to pop.
BOBBY: [definitely] Those things are [c] latisimus
dorsi.

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut, and the term after [c]
is changed to “pectorals”.

Script:
LARRY: . . .We don’t want to rush into anything. [a]
EVELYN: [archly] Mr. Tate, I’m looking for a model for Brawn
Cologne. A model that will rock the women of this country. If you
don’t like my muscle-men, come up with a better idea.
LARRY: We will. We will, Just as soon as Darrin gets back.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

Script:
HARRY: [brightly] Two funny witches. [a]
SAMANTHA: Mother, this chimp followed me home today. I changed him
into a man to find out who he belongs to and now he wants to remain
a human.
ENDORA: Why in the world would any self respecting chimp want to be
a human?
SAMANTHA: Exactly! [to Harry] If you were meant to be human, you would
have been born human.
HARRY: Then I suppose if a man were meant to fly, he would have been
born with wings?
ENDORA: Touche’d by a chimp. [Harry smiles victoriously. Samantha
shoots him a look, then to Endora]
SAMANTHA: Mother, whose side are you on, his or mine?
ENDORA: Neither, I’m on the side of fun and games.

Script:
SAMANTHA: . . . He can ruin everything and Larry will find some way
to blame Darrin. [a]
ENDORA: Oh relax, Samantha. It’s only one day’s posing
for pictures.
SAMANTHA: One day is plenty. Look what King Kong did in one hour!
[b] [The scene shifts to the patio where an alarm
clock has just gone off]. [calling] Wake up, Bonzo.

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut. Added is Samantha’s line:

A monkey you are,
a monkey you’ll be,
but in human form,
when I count to three.
One, two, three.

Photographer’s Studio:

Script: The script has an extensive
scene with the photographer and Harry with instructions to pick up
the drink, look sexy, hold it, with the photographer flitting around
and twice calling for make-up to get the shine off Harry’s nose.
Harry reacts strongly to being hit in the face with a powder-puff.

Episode: The scene is simplified
to what is shown in the episode with most of the lines and action
eliminated, including the powder-puff bits.

Larry’s Office intercut with the Stephens’ Living
Room:

Script:
LARRY: [on the phone to Samantha]. . . .Evelyn and I have just mapped
out a whole campaign . . .personal appearances around the country
. . .the works. [a]
SAMANTHA: But that’s impossible. Harry’s planned another
kind of trip.
LARRY: Well, cancel it! And tell him we need him down at the studio
at five o’clock this afternoon. We’ve arranged an important
press conference to kick off the campaign. Also we want to get a few
more pictures.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Photography Studio:

Script: [Evelyn turns, with
as much dignity as she can muster, and walks out of the scene [a]]
CHARLES: [to Larry] Tate, that was a rather daring stunt. [Larry struts
as the reporters walk out of the shot with him, his arm around them].
LARRY: They don’t call me the “Wizard of Madison Avenue”
for nothing. [Samantha, smiling is alone. Harry joins her].
SAMANTHA: Let’s go Harry. You still have one more costume change
to make. A monkey suit . . .about a size three, I would say. [They
laugh together at the fade out.]

Script: ENDORA: Not bad. I won
the palace. Of course, I won’t hold the prince to it. [a]
After all, it’s his only palace.

Episode: “Not bad”
is changed to “Not Badly”. The line after [a]
is cut.

Script:
SAMANTHA: [hands Phyllis her gloves and purse] I’m sorry you
have to leave. [a]
PHYLLIS: Before you hustle me off, may I make an observation?
SAMANTHA: Of course, Mother Stephens.
PHYLLIS: Where Tabitha’s old enough to go seems to depend on
which grandmother wants to take her.

Episode: [Samantha look is more
of a smirk, hiding and giggling behind her hand]

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
ENDORA: . . .Besides she seemed a little unstrung when she left.
FRANK: That’s what I want to talk about.

Episode: [Inserted before Frank’s
line is:]
FRANK: She had a sick headache on the way home.

Script:
SAMANTHA: I hate to hog all the credit, but if you insist. [they ad-lib
good-byes. Frank exits. Samantha comes back to Endora].
SAMANTHA: Now all I have to do is figure a way out.

Episode: [At “they ad-lib
good-byes”, the following lines are added:]
FRANK: [to Endora] So nice to see you again. [to Samantha] Don’t
bother to see me out. [Frank exits]
SAMANTHA: [to Endora} Boy, some help you are! Now all I have to do
is figure a way out.

Script: [Endora has popped in]
PHYLLIS: Now that we’re all here . . .I have an idea.
ENDORA: Beginner’s luck.
FRANK: Samantha, you’re mother’s a card.
PHYLLIS: [surly - -to Samantha] My idea was that since everyone is
here, why don’t I take Tabitha to your house for the weekend?

Script: [Samantha is looking
in a desk drawer for Tabitha]
SAMANTHA: Tabitha, if you’re in there I want you to come out
at once. [Frank and Phyllis exchange fishy looks]
FRANK: [sotto to Phyllis] I thought you were upset, but if Samantha
thinks Tabitha’s in that little drawer, this has really gotten
to her.

Episode: Frank’s line
is cut.

Phyllis and Frank’s Dining Room:

Script:
ENDORA: [to flower bowl] Flower bowl, are you grandmama’s pretty
little princess? [Franks’ eyes pop. He and Phyllis speak in
whispers] [a]
FRANK: Did you hear that?
PHYLLIS: Did I hear what?
FRANK: If I think I heard what I think I heard, I’m the one
we should be worrying about.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: The script describes the cookie plate as
having cookies with raisins randomly placed on it, except for one cookie
that makes a plain face which changes to a smiley face. There is a sketch
of the cookie in the script showing how the smiley face raisins should
be placed.

Phyllis and Frank’s Living Room:

Script: [Samantha holds the
cookie that is Tabitha. She and Endora talk in whispers]
ENDORA: But why should she turn herself into a common raisin cookie?
SAMANTHA: I think Mrs. Stephens accidentally put the idea into her
head.
ENDORA: If you ask me, Mrs. Stephens is one big accident from beginning
to end.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: Throughout the script the country
club is referred to as “Burning Tree Country Club”. In the
aired episode, “Tree” is replaced with “Oak”.

TEASER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

Script: The script calls for
elaborate party favors to be prepared. Bubbling casseroles, a fish
shaped salmon mousse, and canapés. Endora POPS in, tries one
of the canapés.

Episode: The menu is simplified.
The canapés are absent, so Endora does not sample one.

Script: ENDORA: It becomes
you dear. After all if you’re going to work like a slave you
might as well look like one. [Endora tries a canapé] Not bad.
Of course it’s not ambrosia, but quite good enough for mortals.
What’s the occasion? [a]

Episode: After [a],
Samantha has the lines added, “I am not a slave. I enjoy cooking
dinner for my husband and his guests”. Endora’s “good
enough for mortals” is replaced with “good enough for
Durwood”.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: Calls for Samantha to
stand at a cart that carries an espresso setup. She serves Larry and
Louise Tate, and the guests, J. Earle Rockeford and his wife Hortense.
SAMANTHA: Mrs. Rockeford, do you care for sugar?
HORTENSE: Yes, please.
SAMANTHA: Mr. Rockeford . . .?
ROCKEFORD: Please.

Episode: The bit with the espresso
serving cart and all of the above lines are cut. Also, Louise is not
present.

Script:
ROCKEFORD: First rate, I’d call it.
SAMANTHA: Thank you.[a]
HORTENSE: You must have a marvelous cook.
DARRIN: [b][proudly] We do. Sam’s it.
HORETENSE: You poor dear. How long have you been without help?
SAMANTHA: [passing it off] Oh . . . .quite some time now. [c]
HORTENSE: I don’t know what things are coming to.
ROCKEFORD: It’s a do-it-yourself world. Not like the old days.
HORTENSE: We look and look for competent help, and then when you find
them, they’re so - - -so independent.
ROCKEFORD: Just don’t know their place, is what I always say.
[Samantha and Darrin exchange reactions to this]
HORTENSE: It’s really quite frightening.
SAMANTHA: [a little edgy] It certainly is.

Episode: After [a],
Hortense’s line is changed to, “And you did it all by
yourself?” Darrin’s line at [b] is cut.
All of the lines after [c] are cut.

Script: Rockeford lights up
a cigar.

Episode: Rockeford does not
light a cigar. Though the script makes frequent reference to the cigar
in the following scene, no cigar is ever shown.

Script:
ROCKEFORD: No use putting things off, I always say.
LARRY: I always say that, too. [a] Don’t I
Louise?
LOUISE: [not too sure, but loyal] Always.
ROCKEFORD: Stephens, I’ve been thinking - - -You’re an
up and coming young man. The kind that’s going places.
LARRY: [pleased] I’ve told him that often.
ROCKEFORD: [displeased] I’m telling him now.
LARRY: [knows his place] Sorry.
ROCKEFORD: [to Darrin] Like your ideas about the account, young man.
LARRY: Exactly what I told him. [Rockeford gives Larry a look. Larry
subsides].
DARRIN: Thanks a lot Mr. Rockeford. I must confess that I did a lot
of research before I started work on the project.
ROCKEFORD: Good thinking, Stephens. The way I operate.
LARRY: He always does that. I insist on it.

Episode: All of the lines after
[a] are cut. The scene picks up where Rockeford invites
Darrin to join the club.

Script:
DARRIN: If I’d known my turning down Burning Tree would blow
the deal . . .
LARRY: [interrupting] Well it has. And speaking of blowing . . .[to
Louise] It’s time to go. It’s late.
LOUISE: Nine-thirty?
LARRY: I said it’s late. Louise.
LOUISE: Yes, dear.
LARRY: [to Darrin] It’s later than you think.
LOUISE: [as they go] Thank you for the dinner, Samantha.

Episode: All of the lines directed
to Louise are cut. Louise’s line “nine-thirty?”
is given to Darrin, and the line “Thank you for the dinner,
Samantha” is given to Larry.

Episode: That sounds like something
they do to keep the flies out. Who are they trying to keep out?
DARRIN: Sam, it’s nothing. You’re being oversensitive.
SAMANTHA: If they don’t like flies, they won’t like witches.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: SAMANTHA: Darrin doesn’t
like the idea any more than I do - -It’s just good business
practice.

Episode: Added to Samantha’s
line is “Besides he feels badly about being rude to Mr. Rockeford
last night”.

ACT II

Country Club Tee:

Script: [Darrin and Rockeford
have just finished their discussion on improvements to the golf when
a foursome arrives. They all greet Rockeford.]
ROCKEFORD: Want you to meet our prospective member, Darrin Stephens.
[Rockeford makes introductions of the foursome. Darrin, after only
a brief nod studies the group critically]. And our guest, Larry Tate.
[As they acknowledge Larry’s introduction, Larry waves to them]
LARRY: Hiya, gang. [the foursome moves off]
DARRIN: [sotto] Larry, I don’t think the phrase “Hiya,
gang” is quite Burning Tree.
[Larry reacts . . . .Darrin turns to Rockeford and says:]
DARRIN: That foursome . . .How did they get into Burning Tree?
ROCKEFORD: [after a beat] I recommended them.
DARRIN: [thoughtfully] Hmmmmmm?
ROCKEFORD: [concerned] What’s wrong with that foursome, young
man?
DARRIN: I don’t know - - I just have the feeling they’re
not our kind .
LARRY: [approaching panic] Darrin doesn’t mean that, Mr. Rockeford.
[to Darrin] You don’t mean that, do you Darrin?
ROCKEFORD: Shut up Tate. Darrin may have a point. Our screening board
could use a young man with a critical eye.
DARRIN: Good thinking, Earle.

Episode: The entire above scene
is cut.

Burning Tree Lounge:

Script:
HORTENSE: It’s just, dear, that at Burning Tree most of our
husbands ARE the company. [a] You and Darrin are
on the way up [to the others] Mrs. Stephens’ husband is a very
talented young man. My husband says so.
SAMANTHA: Oh, he is. And you’ll get to meet him.
CYNTHIA: [not too heartily] Yes . . . .
JESSICA: [dubiously] When you’re members.

Episode: After [a] the
above lines are cut and replaced with:
SAMANTHA: I guess that’s what makes Burning Oak so exclusive
– and empty.
HORTENSE: We like it that way.
CYNTHIA: Yes, we try not to let any undesirables slip in. Do you know
Dr. Haftner?
SAMANTHA: Who?
CYNTHIA: Dr. Haftner. The plastic surgeon. He does beautiful nose
work.
SAMANTHA: No, I don’t know him.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is the third episode in which the “Do
you know Dr. Haftner” lines are used. They are also used in episode
#’s 1 and 64.

Stephens’ Car:

Script: [Darrin is driving,
Samantha beside him, still upset about the lunch ordeal. Darrin is
still full of himself and his new life]
DARRIN: How’d you do with the ladies, dear? Sorry I didn’t
get to meet them.
SAMANTHA: I’m sorry I did.

Episode: The lines remain the
same in the episode as in the script, except that Samantha’s
last script line in the car is “We can talk about that when
we get home”. This line is cut. The entire scene takes place
in the Stephens’ Living Room and continues with the lines about
moving to a house closer to the club.

Burning Tree Lounge:

Script: [Present are the Stephens’,
The Rockeford’s, Jessica Morton and Cynthia Monteagle and their
husbands. Darrin is the center of attention, the Super-Snob in person].
DARRIN: [to Rockeford] About memberships, Earle, how far back do you
go? I mean in screening.
ROCKEFORD: We look a man up, check his background and his immediate
family.[a] We don’t want any undesirables slipping
through.
SAMANTHA: Do you think that’s enough . . .I mean wouldn’t
it be better to go back at least three or four generations?
CYNTHIA: [interested] Do tell.
DARRIN: Good thinking, Sam. Never know what you might find in a person’s
background. [b]
JESSICA: Perish the thought.
DARRIN: I mean. . . . .
JESSICA: Heavens!

Episode: [Rockeford’s
line beginning at [a] given to Mr. Morton]. The lines
after [b] are cut.

Script: [Endora has brought
the scroll of all the members’ hidden secrets to Samantha, and
removed the spell from Darrin].
DARRIN: The membership needs a thorough shakedown and after that,
well - -there’ll be elbow room for a lot more of the common
people. [The group reacts in astonishment].
JESSICA: I beg your pardon.
CYNTHIA: [to someone beside her] What did he say?
[Darrin is confused by his sudden change in attitude. He’s not
sure exactly what he said.] [a]
DARRIN: Uh . . .uh . . .what I mean is . . . [Samantha jumps into
the breech].
SAMANTHA: What he said is “the membership needs a thorough-going
shakedown to make room for just ordinary people”.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Script:
ROCKEFORD: [reliever] Oh, you gave me quite a start there.[a]
DARRIN: [confused] Sorry . .I didn’t mean to do that.
SAMANTHA: By the way, Mr. Rockeford… it is Mr. Rockeford, isn’t
it?
ROCKEFORD: Of course.
SAMANTHA: [smiling] Oh, then your name was legally changed.
HORTENSE: [to Rockeford] Earle, what does she mean by that?
SAMANTHA: Shame on you, Mr. Rockeford . . .I thought surely you would
have told Hortense.
ROCKEFORD: [rising]Young lady, I don’t know what you’re
up to, but I don’t find it amusing and . . .
SAMANTHA: [interrupting] Maybe not amusing but interesting. Wasn’t
your great great grandfather a Hungarian Gypsy named Rocknotovitch?
ROCKEFORS: [taken aback] Well, I . . .[self consciously] How did you
know that? [The room has quieted to a standstill.]
JESSICA: I think this is in extremely bad taste.
SAMANTHA: [to Jessica] Oh? Isn’t it true that three generations
back your husband’s ancestors were rag pickers in Poland? [Jessica
is stunned. Cynthia Monteagle, seated next to Jessica, discretely
moves away from her]. Don’t move too far Cynthia. You may not
know this but when your grandfather came to this country from Czechoslovakia,
he carried a forged passport . . .He was deported; otherwise your
father would have been born in this country. [There is a very uncomfortable
silence in the room]. And isn’t it true your husband’s
real name isn’t Monteagle? Does Moishnev ring a bell with you?
Didn’t his people flee Russia when the Czar started persecuting
Jews? [The club members are embarrassed, not knowing what to say lest
someone else has a skeleton in his closet. A number of the waiters
and staff have come to the kitchen door and along the back wall listening
to what is going on].
ROCKEFORD: [tries to regain his composure by coming to the defense]
I think that is quite enough, young lady. We don’t have to stand
here and listen to your insults.
SAMANTHA: That’s very interesting, Mr. Rockeford - -that you
think being confronted with your true background to be an insult.
I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. My people
were from Salem and were once tried as witches. They had to use their
“witchcraft” to escape being burned at the stake. [Darrin
looks proudly at Samantha . . .beginning to realize what’s happening]
You’re just embarrassed at facing up to the fact that we all
have roots somewhere outside the aristocracy you’re trying to
protect here. I think you know there’s no such thing as a pure-blooded
American, unless it’s an Indian—and an American Indian
could never get in here. [The kitchen help laugh. Rockeford turns
as if to dismiss them . . .but thinks better of it], It’s not
an insult to be Hungarian or Polish or Jewish. All our ancestors came
from different countries and races and religions - - -and most of
them came to America to escape what you’re struggling to preserve
at Burning Tree. They came to take part in the world’s greatest
melting pot, where an individual can find equal opportunity without
fear or prejudice. You’re not preserving the true American here
- -you’re destroying what he really stands for. You’ve
taken an attitude of superiority by trying to make others seem inferior.
But we’re really all in the same boat. If you want Burning Tree
to represent the true American, you’ve got to recognize that
people are people no matter where they come from or what they look
like, and should be judged for themselves, not their heritage. Just
remember, there are no little people. They are as big as you are,
whoever you are. [there is silence in the room as Darrin starts to
applaud.]

Episode: This entire scene after
[a] is cut. It is rewritten in a simpler and much
shorter form. Beginning at [a], the episode scene
is as follows:
SAMANTHA:.. The truth is screens work both ways. They keep things
in and out. And Darrin and I have decided to stay out of Burning Oak.
ROCKEFORD: Young lady, I don’t know what you’re up to,
but I don’t find it amusing.
SAMANTHA: I do. Mr. Rockeford. It’s true that your heritage
does go back to the Mayflower. An Irishman named Toodles Rockne was
a stowaway on the Mayflower. Illegally in this country.
ROCKEFORD: Well, you see, with Toodles . . . . .How did you know that?
SAMANTHA: I belong to the greatest minority there is . . . .I’m
a witch.
MORTON: I think this is in extremely bad taste.
SAMANTHA: Mr. Morton, Your grandfather came here from Poland. And
spent a good deal of his time in jail. He couldn’t even make
it as a horse thief. . . [Cynthia stands and starts to move away]
Don’t go too far Cynthia. Does the name Moishnev ring a bell
with you?
HORTENSE: Oyo vey, whatever that means.
SAMANTHA. I think we all know that there is no such thing as a pure
bred American, unless it’s an American Indian, and an Indian
could never get in here. . . .Is there anything you’d like to
add Darrin? [the script picks up here with Samantha declining membership
and she and Darrin leaving]
DARRIN: Yes, there is. It’s late.
SAMANTHA: You’re right. It’s nine thirty. [Samantha and
Darrin exit]

REVIEWER’S NOTE: Though listed as a non-Darrin
episode [there are actually lines in the script that say Darrin is away
and Samantha is alone], Darrin is visible in bed in the very opening
of the show. This “Bouncing Ball” scene was used as the
opening in two other episodes, #’s 77
and 95, and a different version [though
probably filmed at the same time] was seen briefly the middle of # 199.
However, since the opening bedroom scene is the only time he appears,
and he has no lines, this is considered to be a non-Darrin episode.

TEASER

Stephens’ Bedroom:

Script: The ball of light bounces
into the bedroom where Samantha is sleeping alone. The light taps
her three times on the shoulder.

Episode: Darrin can be seen
sleeping next to Samantha. The re-use of the bouncing ball scene from
episode # 77 is the cause of this
script/episode difference. The ball only taps Samantha twice before
she wakes up.

Script: The ball leads Samantha
into the Living Room, where in a burst of light Endora appears.

Episode: [The light stops in
the entry hall at the foot of the stairs].
SAMANTHA: Mother, will you stop bouncing around like Tinker Bell and
tell me what this is all about. [The ball disappears and Endora appears
in its place].

Script:
SAMANTHA: . . .I could hardly hear the wedding bells there was so
much thunder. [a]
ENDORA: Well, they’ve decreed that the marriage will end right
now. And right now is the perfect time while Dumb Dumb is out of town
. . .No fuss, no mess, no sad sentimental goodbyes. Just pack your
bags and let’s go.
SAMANTHA: [wearily] I am going . . . .back to bed.
ENDORA: [stopping her] Samantha, the Witches’ Council means
business. They let it go on this long because they thought it was
just a whim . . .a vignette.
SAMANTHA: But instead it’s a success . . . .Where did I go wrong?
ENDORA: Very funny. In any case your marriage to a mortal is setting
a bad example for other witches and warlocks.
SAMANTHA: You mean, “witchee” see; “witchee”
do?
ENDORA: This is no time for jokes. The council sent this message:
either disavow your marriage and return to the fold, or you’re
through . . .drummed out of the corps.
SAMANTHA: [melodramatically] My medals ripped off my chest; my epaulettes
torn from my shoulders; my swagger stick . . .
ENDORA: Samantha, be serious. The Witches’ Council has the power
to eliminate power. And unless you do as they command, they’re
going to strip you of yours.
SAMANTHA: Let them.
ENDORA: [upset] Not just yours, but Tabitha’s, too. And they
mean it.

Episode: All lines after [a]
are cut.

Script:
ENDORA: I’d say they just got your message. [a]
SAMANTHA: [stunned but determined] Then there’s nothing more
to say. Good night, Mother.
ENDORA: Think it over, Samantha. You’re neither witch nor mortal.
The one thing you are, is in big trouble.[b] [Endora
POPS out. Thunder and lightning continue and Samantha mugs through
it all]

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut

ACT I

Stephens’ Kitchen:

Script: [Samantha is on the
phone with Darrin]
SAMANTHA: Of course we miss you, Sweetheart. Two days seems like two
weeks with you away. . . . What was that, Sweetheart? Speak up! It
sounds like you’re a thousand miles away. [a beat] That’s
right, Detroit is a thousand miles away. [she laughs] Don’t
worry about a thing. We’re all fine. Everything around here
is the same, sort of. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, and good luck
with the account. Goodbye. [she blows him a kiss]

Episode: All of the above lines
are cut. ACT I begins with Samantha facing a vase of flowers.

Script: UNCLE ARTHUR: Sammy,
check one thing . . .is it true that . . .[sings]
...the foot bone’s connected to the ankle bone; the ankle bone’s
connected to the leg bone; the leg bone’s connected to the knee
bone; the knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone; the thigh
bone’s connected to the hip bone; the hip bone’s connected
to the back bone; the back bone’s connected to the shoulder
bone; the shoulder bone’s connected to the neck bone; the neck
bone’s connected to the head bone . . .

Episode: [the song is shortened
and altered]:
...the foot bone’s connected to the leg bone; the leg bone’s
connected to the knee bone; the knee bone’s connected to the
thigh bone; now hear the word of the Lord; the thigh bone’s
connected to the back bone; the back bone’s connected to the
neck bone; the neck bone’s connected to the head bone; now hear
the word of the Lord.

Script: [Endora has buttoned
Arthur’s mouth]
ENDORA: For once he can’t put his foot in his mouth.

Episode: This line is cut.

Script:
UNCLE ARTHUR: No matter what, we’re on your side. [a]
ENDORA: [laughing scoffingly] Ha! A minute ago they were behind you.
Now they’re at your side. Watch it, they’ll soon be ahead
of you and out the door.
SERENA: Endora, are you calling us cop-outs?
ENDORA: Of course I am. You two can’t stand up to the Witches’
Council. You haven’t got the stamina and he hasn’t got
the character.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Who hasn’t got the character? Come on Serena,
let’s show her. We’ll pledge our loyalty.
ENDORA: [warningly] Arthur, Serena, you underestimate the determination
of the Council.
UNCLE ARTHUR: We know all about those old hags.
UNCLE ARTHUR and SERENA: [in unison] We hereby pledge our everlasting
loyalty to Samantha no matter what those biddies on the council do.

Episode: All lines after [a]
are cut.

Script: [Serena tries her karate
on the table. Nothing happens, she winces in pain].
SERENA: Ow [a] [her platinum belt POPS out] Well,
back to the old brown belt.

Episode: The line after [a]
is cut.

Script:
SERENA: Thanks for the groovy threads, Endora [a].
ENDORA: Now tell me. Are you still one hundred percent behind Samantha?
SERENA: [weakly] Give or take a percent.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Script:
UNCLE ARTHUR: [alluding to Endora] Make that four thousand. [a]
ENDORA: . . .here you are, powerless. Not only at the mercy of the
Witches’ Council, but at the mercy of mortals as well. And the
mortal responsible for your plight couldn’t care less.
SAMANTHA: Mother, that’s unfair. Darrin doesn’t even know
about this.
ENDORA: Hector’s ghost knows I’ve tried.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Watch, she’s going to get sticky about this.
ENDORA: Heavy is the heart of a mother with an ungrateful child. After
all I’ve done for you; all I’ve endured; all the personal
sacrifices I’ve made.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Real sticky.
ENDORA: [to Arthur] And you, you call yourself my brother.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Not in front of open food.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Stephens’ Dining Room:

Script: [The table is fully
set. Arthur and Serena stand around waiting to sit. Samantha enters
from the kitchen and places a pot of coffee on the table].
SAMANTHA: And so the condemned ate a hearty lunch.
UNCLE ARTHUR: [looking over the table] Let’s see . . .we’ve
got cold cuts, the bread, the mustard, the coffee . . .there’s
just one thing missing.
SAMANTHA: What’s that?
UNCLE ARTHUR: A little fun in this party. [Serena quickly sits, and
grabs some cold cuts and bread].
SERENA: Eat fast, Sam, he’s going to try the table cloth trick
again .
SAMANTHA: Uncle Arthur . . .not without your powers.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Who needs powers? Even mortals can do it. . . I can
do it with my eyes closed.
SAMANTHA: And why not? Once you’ve seen one set of dishes smashed
to pieces, you’ve seen them all. [Arthur yanks the table cloth.
Everything . . .but everything smashes to the floor.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Hmm . . . I’ll have to work on that. [On Samantha’s
frustrated expression, the scene fades].

Episode: This entire scene is
cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
UNCLE ARTHUR: . . .Your mouth wasn’t zipped at the time..
[a]
SERENA: Do you really think we can get a job?
UNCLE ARTHUR: Sure.
SERENA: But we don’t know how to do anything.
UNCLE ARTHUR: We’ll find something. Keep reading.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Samantha’s Car:

Script:
UNCLE ARTHUR: It looks like a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t
want to work there. [a]
SERENA: You wouldn’t want to work anywhere.
SAMANTHA: Think positively. Remember, you’re just as good as
anybody else with no skill.
UNCLE ARTHUR: That’s encouraging. Let’s go, Serena, the
sooner we get hired, the sooner we get fired. [Arthur and Serena laugh.
Samantha gives them a scathing look. They stop laughing]

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Script: SAMANTHA: That’s
better. Now I’ll do a little shopping with Tabitha. [a]
I’ll come back in half an hour, just to see how beautifully
you’re doing. [b] Good Luck.

Episode: The line between
[a] and [b] is changed to: “I’ll
come back and pick you up”.

Ice Cream Store – Front:

Script:
UNCLE ARTHUR: I do. Her jacket is a perfect fit. [a]
BUCK: You’re a real wise guy . . .aren’t ya? How come
at your age you never worked before?
UNCLE ARTHUR: I never had to.
BUCK: I get it. You were one of those rich kids who got everything
he wanted just by snapping his fingers.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Sometimes by snapping, sometimes by zapping.

Episode: All of the lines after
[a] are cut.

Work Room of Ice Cream Shop:

Script: BUCK: Anyway, you take
the banana like this and you dip it in the chocolate like this, and
then you hand it to wise guy like this.

Episode: Added by BUCK is: “Who
rolls it in the nuts and puts it in the tray”.

Script:
BUCK: Okay, professor. So you got it. [to Serena] How about you, gorgeous?
[a]
SERENA: [demonstrating] I take a banana, dip it in the chocolate,
hand it to Unkie-poo
BUCK: [incredulous] Unkie-poo?
UNCLE ARTHUR: Yeah . . .wanna’ make something out of it?
BUCK: Okay, okay, relax, Unkie-poo . . .so you take the banana [Arthur
takes the banana]
UNCLE ARTHUR: And I put it in the tray . . .like this.
BUCK: Not bad. Now let’s try it once more.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Outside the Window:

Script: [Two kids, a man and
a woman, stop and watch them. One of the kids knocks at the window
and waves to them].

Episode: The people watching
are not shown. ARTHUR has the line added: “We’re drawing
a crowd out there”.

Script: A large crowd has formed
and is pointing and laughing hysterically at the frantic action within.
Samantha, with Tabitha in her arms, pushes her way to the front and
is shocked at what she sees.

Episode: The crowd is not shown.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: The script calls for sections of the banana
and chocolate throwing scene to be shot in speeded up motion. Also there
is another call for a view of the crowd which is not shown.

Stephens’ Dining Room:

Script:
UNCLE ARTHUR: Oh, for the good old days. [a]
SAMANTHA: Uncle Arthur, remember the time I dropped my sunglasses
in the Alps and we melted the snow on the Matterhorn to find it?
UNCLE ARTHUR: Yeah . . . .boy! Were those skiers surprised! [they
all laugh, remembering] It was June in January. Gee, we had fun [he
laughs again]
SERENA: It just shows, you never appreciate a good thing until it’s
gone. [to Samantha] Sammy, how could you have given it all up voluntarily?
SAMANTHA: I guess it’s one thing to give something up . . .and
another thing to lose it. The only thing I really regret is you two.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Me, too
SERENA: Uncle A doesn’t mean that. You hang in there. We’ll
make out. [b]
SAMANTHA: [whistles] What a mess. [Endora POPS in].
ENDORA: You whistled? [c]
SAMANTHA Yes, Mother, but not for you. . . .just out of frustration.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Oh, they’re not making witches like they used
to.

Episode: The lines between
[a] and [b] are cut as are the lines after
[c].

TRAILER

Stephens’ Dining Room:

Script:
SAMANTHA: Uncle Arthur, hand me that table cloth [She takes it from
him and twitches. The cloth slides back under all the dishes. The
group is laughing and clapping. Endora is astounded][a]
ENDORA: They’re back. Your powers are back! [b]
SERENA: Oh, it’s so good to be whole again.
UNCLE ARTHUR: When I think of all the nasty things I said about the
Witches’ Council . . .[c]
ENDORA: Don’t apologize . . .they’re all true. It’s
just Samantha’s silver tongue that got them to reverse their
decision.
SAMANTHA: [laughing] It just shows you. Never underestimate the power
of a witch in love.

Episode: The line between [a]
and [b] is cut. The lines and action after [c]
are replaced with:
ENDORA: Oh, I can’t stand all this gaiety. [she POPS out]
UNCLE ARTHUR The big bad witch is gone. I could hardly eat while she
was here. [He begins stuffing himself with food as fast as he can.
Samantha mimics him mugging for the camera with her cheeks puffed
out].

Script:
MRS WEHMEYER: . . . .Some one to inspire us to an all out effort.
SAMANTHA: Me? [a]
MRS. WEHMEYER: [patting her hand] You’re a very admirable person,
Mrs. Stephens and I’m proud to know you. [opening door] [b]
One o’clock then.
SAMANTHA: One o’clock. [Mrs. Wehmeyer exits. A beat and Endora
POPS in]. [c]
ENDORA: Samantha, I have a perfectly splendid idea. Why don’t
we hop a cloud and fly off somewhere? I mean, as long as Darwood’s
away . . .
SAMANTHA: Darrin. Why can’t you try to remember his name.
ENDORA: It’ll be such fun, just the two of us. Oh, say you’ll
come and I’ll promise to never again forget what’s-his-name
again.

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut along with the lines after
[c].

ACT I

Parking Lot:

Script:
THIRD WOMAN: . . . .we haven’t been able to get near him.
SAMANTHA: [a] [crossing to her] But what about all
the kids who need milk and food and medicine and . . [b]
. .
MRS. WEHMYER: We did have one thought . . .[Samantha crosses to her]
and that’s to select one member to concentrate on Mr. Haskell
for the next forty-eight hours.
SAMANTHA: Good idea [c] Sometimes one person can
accomplish a lot more than a committee.

Episode: The lines between
[a] and [b] are cut as is the line after
[c].

Larry’s Office:

Script:
LARRY: Well, this is a pleasant surprise, Sam. What can I do for you?
SAMANTHA: I’m sorry to bother you Larry, but I can’t seem
to get in touch with Darrin and I just happened to be downtown and
. . .
LARRY: [interrupting] Anything wrong?
SAMANTHA: I have a little problem and I need his advice. But he wasn’t
at the hotel in Chicago. I thought you might know where he’d
be.
LARRY: Sam, he’s in a very important meeting. Rather than disturb
him, why don’t you disturb me? I mean, what’s the problem?
SAMANTHA: Well……
LARRY: Sit down, sit down.
SAMANTHA: Do you happen to know E. J. Haskell?
LARRY: The builder? We’ve been trying to get a piece of his
advertising account for years.
SAMANTHA: Then you do know him?
LARRY: Just to say goodbye to.
SAMANTHA: Well, I have to collect a ten thousand dollar pledge he
made to UNICEF.
LARRY: That’s the problem?
SAMANTHA: Uh huh.
LARRY: Here’s the advice – forget it!
SAMANTHA: Not till I get a reasonable explanation from him as to why
he cancelled his donation.
LARRY: Don’t you read the papers? He’s getting married
in a few weeks to a very expensive young lady named Lila Layton. She’s
going to need every cent he’s got.
SAMANTHA: Lila Layton . . .She’s the singer who was married
to a Maharajah, isn’t she?
LARRY: Right. And when she was through with him, he didn’t have
an elephant to his name.
SAMANTHA: [rising] Whoops, I’d better get cracking and make
sure there’s an elephant left for UNICEF.

Episode: The entire above scene
is cut.

Haskell Mansion:

Script:
SAMANTHA: Why did you go back on your pledge to UNICEF?[a]
HASKELL: Oh. . . .that’s what all this is about, huh?[b]
SAMANTHA: Mr. Haskell . . .what good is wealth if you don’t
share it?
HASKELL: I expect to be sharing quite a bit of it. Look, Miss . .
.whatever your name is - - I got where I am all by my lonesome. I’ve
never asked for a handout. In my opinion, people should help themselves.
SAMANTHA: But that’s exactly what UNICEF does! It helps people
help themselves.

Episode: The line between [a]
and [b] is changed to:
HASKELL: Who are you? [added is Samantha’s line}
SAMANTHA: I’m one of the housewives for UNICEF. After Samantha’s
added line, the rest of the lines are cut.

Script:
DR. CHOMSKY: . . . .The reason for your delusion is obvious.
HASKELL: What is it? [a]
DR. CHOMSKY: You describe her as young and pretty. Which also happens
to fit your fiancée. You get the picture?
HASKELL: No.

Episode: The above after [a]
is cut.

Lila’s Dressing Room:

Script:
LILA: I’d love to sit and chat, but if I’m late for dinner,
Haskell gets very uptight.
SAMANTHA: Isn’t it possible that - - -[a]
LILA: Honey, you asked me and I gave you my answer!
SAMANTHA: [soberly] That’s right, you did. [Samantha starts
for the door].
LILA: Wait a second. I didn’t mean to be rough. You married?
SAMANTHA: Yes.
LILA: Maybe you and your husband would like to come and see the show
some night.
SAMANTHA: That might be very nice
LILA: What does your husband do?
SAMANTHA: He’s an advertising director.
LILA: Oh? I should think a girl with your looks could do better than
that.
SAMANTHA: I happen to think I’m doing fine.
LILA: Well, that’s what makes horse races, right?
SAMANTHA: That’s right. Except if you’re in love you don’t
care about finishing in the money. [opening door] Thank you very much
for your time.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Corridor Outside Dressing Room:

Script: [Endora has POPPED in]
SAMANTHA: I’m afraid I was right. [a] Mr. Haskell
will wind up without an elephant to his name.
ENDORA: What?
SAMANTHA: [curiously] She certainly was anxious to get rid of me.
. .
ENDORA: I wonder who she’s expecting?
SAMANTHA: Or who’s already there.
ENDORA: You don’t say. Let’s take a look. [She raises
her hands to cast a spell]
SAMANTHA: Mother! That’s not decent!
ENDORA: Too late! [The wall becomes transparent so the inside of the
dressing room can be seen. Lila is in a hot embrace with her boy friend,
Bruce.]
LILA: Cut it out. Anybody could walk in here!
BRUCE: So what?
LILA: Sure, you’d love to ruin my chances with Haskell, wouldn’t
you?
BRUCE: If I knew how, I’d be thrilled to do it.
LILA: You just try, Brucey boy, and we’re through.
BRUCE: [sarcastically] And if you marry him, we’re not?
LILA: Not necessarily.
SAMANTHA: [shocked] Mother, really! [Endora waves and the wall closes]

Episode: The entire scene after
[a] is cut.

Restaurant:

Script:
HASKELL: What is this? Some kind of a game? [a]
LILA: [a forced laugh] That’s right, I’m just putting
you on. Don’t pay any attention to me. [to change the subject]
Oh, I just love this pin.
HASKELL: I’m glad you like it.
LILA: It’s beautiful. [another bite, another chime] Where’d
you get it, at the five and ten? [again, both react in shock]
HASKELL: Are you trying to make me sore?

Episode: After [a],
the rest of the lines are cut.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Patio:

Script:
ENDORA: Guess who just lost her appetite. [The doorbell rings o. s.
Samantha hands the brush to Endora]
SAMANTHA: Here, paint the clouds with sunshine. [She exits. [a]
Endora levitates the brush and it starts painting the chair by itself.
She sits and reclines in a metal lounge chair.]

Episode: The action after [a]
is cut.

Script: [Samantha enters]
SAMANTHA: Mother, you shouldn’t do that.
ENDORA: You paint your way, I’ll paint mine.
SAMANTHA: That’s not what I’m talking about. Get up. [Endora
gets up. The back of her dress is striped from the freshly painted
chair. Samantha tries to repress a giggle, but can’t. Endora
just glares.]

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is the episode in which
Dick York had the back spasm that ended his tenure on BEWITCHED. At
the time of his spasm event, the TEASER for the episode had been filmed,
and perhaps some other scenes were finished. However, the producers
chose to use only the TEASER, breaking off the last scene where Darrin
is returned to normal for use at the end of ACT II. [If the viewer checks
the last scene of Darrin, the birthday setup in the living room is the
same as the teaser, though scenes in both ACTS I and II show the room
as it usually is]. Many people feel that the original script called
for Darrin to accept Maurice’s gift, and the story line to proceed
as was shown in #’s 180 and
181.

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut as are the lines after [c].

Script: The script calls for
a large hole to appear in the fireplace wall.

Episode: The hole appears in
the front wall.

Script: Maurice refers to Darrin
by his right name as he prepares to give him his gift.

Episode: Maurice refers to
Darrin as “Dolphin”.

Script:
MAURICE: It’s a lighter and a perpetual calendar [a]
and a daily record of the tides of the seven seas of the world. And
barometric readings for all of the major cities of the world, covering
the next thousand years.[b]
DARRIN: Well . . . .how about that?
MAURICE: Yes. [c]
SAMANTHA: [enthusiastically] Why, I think it’s the most marvelous
thing I ever heard of.
MAURICE: It’s the most marvelous thing anyone’s ever heard
of.
DARRIN: Really, sir . . . .I mean, Maurice - - -it’s very generous
of you. It does all those things?

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b], as well as those after [c] are
cut.

Script:
MAURICE: [icy] Sir, to you. [a]
SAMANTHA: Daddy, I think Darrin’s trying to remind you how he
feels about taking advantage of “you-know-what”.
MAURICE: Samantha, [b] you are married to a stubborn
fool . . .a stubborn jackass.
SAMANTHA: I am not. Darrin is a wonderful human being.
MAURICE: Not [c] any more. Samantha, I think there’s
a jackass on your rug.
SAMANTHA: [horrified][d] Daddy!!
MAURICE: And that - -my dear - -is final.
SAMANTHA: But Daddy - - -Why?
MAURICE: [calmly] Just an honest difference of opinion, my child.
You say he isn’t a jackass and I say he is!
SAMANTHA: Daddy, I don’t understand how you could do such a
thing to Darrin. [e] One minute you tell me how happy
I look . . .about the glow in my eyes, the warmth of my smile all
put there by . . .[points to mule] . . .him. What happened to that?
[the mule brays] Yes, I know, sweetheart.

Episode: At [a]
the name “Duspin” is added. At [b] the
line “You picked a lemon in the garden of love” is added.
At [c] the line is changed to “necessarily”.
At [d] the line is changed to “Good grief”.
The lines after [e] are cut.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: SAMANTHA: I don’t
blame you for being a little upset but - - [a] I
just don’t know how to bring you out of it. But, I give you
my solemn word [b] You won’t be a Mule for
a minute more than necessary. Once Daddy gets back - - -[the Mule
kicks with his back legs] Right. And he’ll deserve it.
[c] In the meantime, we’ll all just have to adjust.[d]
[The Mule opens his mouth. Dub in the sound of a yawn]. Oh, you poor
darling, it’s been a rotten night for you. You must be exhausted.

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut. At [c] the line
is extended by “But I wouldn’t press your luck”
The lines after [d] are cut.

Kravitz Kitchen:

Script:
ABNER: I listen to you all the time. Except when you talk. There I
draw the line. [a]
GLADYS: A pet dog I can understand.
ABNER: Murder. Stabbing?
GLADYS: Or a cat.
ABNER: Mayhem? Doesn’t fit.
GLADYS: Or a monkey.
ABNER: Strangulation? Doesn’t fit.
GLADYS: But a jackass?!
ABNER: I got it. An eight letter word for murder. Marriage! It fits.

Episode: Everything after [a]
is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

Script: SAMANTHA: And if you’re
afraid of Tabitha having a trauma over this, don’t. She took
the news like a good little sport. [a] [The Mule
is reading the newspaper] Darling, you’ve got enough problems
without getting yourself upset about the stock market.[b]
I’m making your favorite breakfast. Eggs Benedict. [The Mule
nuzzles her] You’re welcome. [c] Now don’t
worry about the time. I called Larry at the office and told him you
were not yourself this morning.

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are replaced with “As a matter of fact,
she wants to know when you’ll take her for a ride. Well, I’m
sorry, Sweetheart, but you can hardly blame her”. The lines
after [c] are cut.

Script: I assure you that he
is bathed regularly and is quite house broken [a] [Samantha
sets the eggs in front of the Mule]
GLADYS: You’re feeding eggs benedict to a Mule?
SAMANTHA: A happy pet is a healthy pet. Samantha dips the fork in
the eggs and brings it to the Mule’s mouth][b]

Episode: At [a]
is added “Here you are, Daddy”. At [b]
the Mule eats from the plate. Samantha’s line is extended by
“Not so fast, Daddy”.

Kravitz Living Room:

Script:
ABNER: Lucky jackass. All I’m having is lumpy oatmeal. [a]
GLADYS: Abner, there is something unhealthy going on in that house.
ABNER: Why should that house be any different than this house?
GLADYS: Sure, make jokes while our property values are falling by
the minute. Abner, don’t you understand, it’s against
zoning regulations to keep a beast of burden in this neighborhood.
ABNER: Well, I’m not moving.

Episode: Before Abner’s
first line is inserted:
GLADYS: I tell you it is a jackass and she’s feeding him eggs
benedict.
At [a], the remaining lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
SAMANTHA: It’s not nice at all. It’s Darrin.
ENDORA: Of course. I’d know him anywhere.
SAMANTHA: [a] That’s unkind, Mother. [b]
ENDORA: Kindness is not my strong suit; especially when I’m
zapped off the Italian Riviera while sipping my champagne.
SAMANTHA: Mother, this is more important.
ENDORA: More important than the new spring line? What has happened
to your sense of values, Samantha?
SAMANTHA: Please, Mother, spare me your wit and tell me what to do
about him.
ENDORA: I suggest you have the marriage annulled. There isn’t
a judge in the country who would . . . .
SAMANTHA: Mother!!

REVIEWER’S NOTE: Maurice calls Samantha a “Noodge”.
The script has an insert that says a “Noodge” is a Jewish
word meaning pest.

Script: Maurice rises, snaps
his fingers, and he, Samantha and Endora vanish. The girls stare blankly
at the empty air, [a] then turn to each other.
ANGELIQUE: Yvette, did you see what I saw?
YVETTE: Yes.
ANGELIQUE: What did you see?
YVETTE: Absolutely nothing.
ANGELIQUE: Exactly what I saw. [They both down their drinks in one
gulp].

Episode: The lines and action
after [a] are cut.

ACT II

Kravitz Living Room:

Script:
GLADYS: Abner, the Mule is back. [a]
ABNER: [addressing his right hand] Careful, he’s trying to trap
you.
GLADYS: Listen to me, Abner. I’m confused. I’m guilty
because I sent him to the animal shelter. And now I’m mad because
she had the nerve to bring him home again. [Abner picks up the chess
set and addresses his hands]
ABNER: Let’s go fellers, she won’t dare follow us to the
bathroom.
GLADYS: Okay, Abner. But don’t holler at me when those psychiatrist’s
bills start pouring in.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
GLADYS: I knocked but no one heard me. [a] Mrs. Stephens,
I just came to say how sorry I am for what I did.
SAMANTHA: We’re a little busy, Mrs. Kravitz.
GLADYS: I was just thinking of the neighborhood and forgetting the
human side of the animal, [b] But now that you -
- -he - - -he’s playing chess??
MAURICE: What’s so amazing? I usually beat him two out of three.
[c]
GLADYS: Oh, I understand everything now, Mrs. Stephens. Who wouldn’t
want an animal like that around the house? As far as I’m concerned,
the zoning board can drop dead. [d] I can’t
wait to tell Abner about this.

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut, as are the lines between [c]
and [d].

Script: [Maurice recreates
the situation when he changed Darrin into a Mule.]
MAURICE: [a] Now It was precisely eight twenty-seven
last night. At that moment I said . . . .[b] The
scene from the teaser is repeated as Maurice recreates the action
that occurred when Darrin was changed into a Mule.

Episode: The line between [a]
and [b] is cut. The episode follows the changes noted
earlier.

Script:
MAURICE: Your husband. The . . .[spelling] M-O-R-T-A-L.
SAMANTHA: Daddy, his name is Darrin, and he just went to work.

Episode: Samantha’s line
is changed to: Daddy, his name is [spelling] D-A-R-R-I-N, and he’s
at work.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: MAURICE: [calling] Abigail,
on duty please.

Episode: The line is changed
to: Miss Beecham, on duty, please.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
ABIGALE: . . . .I’d like to meet her some day.
SAMANTHA: No sooner said than done [calling], Mother!

Episode: Samantha’s line
is changed to: “That can be arranged. [calling], Mother!”

Script: ENDORA: [to Maurice]
The subject is you and Miss Abigail Beecham.

Episode: In this instance, and
thereafter throughout the script when “Miss Beecham” is
used. By Endora, she refers to Abigail as “Beech-nut”
or “Beech-wood”.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

Script:
ABIGAIL: And your husband is a mortal?
SAMANTHA: Yep. [a]
ABIGALE: [sympathetically] What happened, Ducks? …you lose an
election bet? [b]
SAMANTHA: Ducks, you couldn’t be more wrong. I married him out
of love.

Episode: The line between [a]
and [b] is changed to: “That’s one for
the record. You have a lot of courage. I’d never do it”.
The line after [b] is cut.

Script:
SAMANTHA: You yourself don’t want an ectoplacmic interlocutory.
ENDORA: [poutingly] Yes, I do.
SAMANTHA: No you don’t. [a] You and Daddy have
a whacky marriage, but . . .
ENDORA: What’s whacky about it?
SAMANTHA: Well, for one thing, you don’t see each other for
months on end.
ENDORA: Samantha, when a husband and wife have been married for two
thousand years, they need separate vacations.
SAMANTHA: That simply proves my point. You like your marriage the
way it is, and you want to keep it.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Script:
SAMANTHA: Mother, Daddy doesn’t want Abigail. Deep down inside
he knows the only one for him is you. [a]
ENDORA: He doesn’t behave that way.
SAMANTHA: Because he takes his wife for granted. After two thousand
years, that happens.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
JOHN VAN MILLWOOD: “But soft! What light through yonder window
breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!”
MAURICE: Great heavens, those vowels. [a] That may
be the most dismal reading that ever assailed my ears.

Episode: The line after [a]
is cut.

Script: [John snaps his fingers
and in POPS William Shakespeare]
SHAKESPEARE: I am William Shakespeare, and in my opinion the performance
of Mr. Van Millwood was vastly superior. [Maurice snaps his fingers
and Shakespeare POPS out]
MAURICE: That was not William Shakespeare; that was a hired stooge.
[a] Endora, I’m shocked that you’d associate
with an untalented fraudulent colonial. [b]
JOHN: Limey!

Episode: The lines and action
before [a] and after [b] are cut.

Script:
MAURICE: . . .I am insulted to the very marrow of my bones.[a]
JOHN: Stone the crows.
SAMANTHA: That’s a good point. I’m not sure I understand
it, but that’s a good point.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Script:
ENDORA: [to Samantha] Where are you going?
SAMANTHA: To call my husband. I had this foolish idea that after the
doctor and me, he’d be the first to know. [Samantha picks up
the phone as we fade out]

Episode: The words “My
husband” are changed to “Darrin”. Added at the end
is:
MAURICE: Grandmama.
ENDORA: Grandpapa.

TRAILER

Stephens Living Room:

Script and Episode
agree, with the addition of Samantha’s added last line: “Good
Grief”.

Script: Samantha tries to pick
up a Jack-in-the-box. From the box comes Uncle Henry’s voice.

Episode: The voice is that of
Cousin Henry.Reviewer’s Note: When referring to the character, Henry,
the script always says “Uncle Henry”; while in the episode
it is always “Cousin Henry”.

Script:
SAMANTHA: Uncle Henry, you’re not being very original - -stealing
Uncle Arthur’s jokes.
UNCLE HENRY: I’ll have you know I taught my brother everything
he knows. [a]As a matter of fact, he asked me to
pop over and give you a laugh.
SAMANTHA: Where is Uncle Arthur?
UNCLE HENRY: He’s at the Cannes Film Festival - -picketing “Rosemary’s
Baby”.

Script and Episode:
JACK-IN-THE-BOX: Boy, is she a noodge. Reviewer’s Note:
There is a note in the script for # 167
that says that “noodge” is a Jewish word meaning “pest”.

Script: [Endora has POPPED in]
SAMANTHA: Tabitha needs some new dresses.
ENDORA: You don’t have to shop for them. [a] [Endora
waves her arms and Tabitha is engulfed by smoke. When it clears she
is wearing a princess type gown]. How do you like it?
SAMANTHA: It’s cute - -but forget it. We’re doing it the
natural way, and within my mortal budget,
UNCLE HENRY: How square can you get?
SAMANTHA: [indicating Tabitha] Mother . . .if you please . . .
ENDORA: Oh, piffle. [she waves her arms and Tabitha’s clothes
change back to normal]
SAMANTHA: Thank you.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

ACT I

Department Store:

Script:
SAMANTHA: Put it back. At the rate she grows, it’s too expensive.
[a]
UNCLE HENRY: If what is stopping you is money, allow me. [He flicks
his fingers at the dress. The price tag now reads $3.50] Three-fifty.
It’s practically a steal.
SAMANTHA: It is a steal. Change it back.
UNCLE HENRY: [phony surprise] Are you suggesting I used witchcraft?
SAMANTHA: Uncle Henry, please.
UNCLE HENRY: You’re such a fuss budget.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Script: [Joseph Hinkley, Jr.
has entered the scene. All of his script cues are “JOEY”]
SAMANTHA: Five dollars. We’ll take it.
JOEY: How about the same thing in another color?

Episode: At [a],
to Joey’s line is added “A double header!” At [b]
the lines are changed to: [Samantha removes a credit card from her
purse]
JOEY: Cash or charge?
SAMANTHA: Charge
JOEY: Clerk!! Would you see Mrs. Stephens to the charge window and
see that these are wrapped.
SAMANTHA: [starting to follow the clerk; to Cousin Henry] You behave.

Script:
UNCLE HENRY: I need to have some fun. [a] Joey takes
the money from Samantha, and with the two dresses he walks to the
counter to write up the sale]
SAMANTHA: At whose expense?
ENDORA: Guess [b]
SAMANTHA: Uncle Henry - - -we’re going home.
UNCLE HENRY: You want me to make a scene right here, right now?
SAMANTHA: [frustrated] Good Grief!

Episode: After [a],
Joey is not shown. Samantha is not in the scene. The lines are rearranged
to:
ENDORA: At whose expense?
UNCLE HENRY: Guess. The lines after [b] are cut.

Script: The script calls for
Samantha and Tabitha to be present in the scene where Uncle Henry
is trying on jackets.
SAMANTHA: My uncle has a quick temper. If you try to sell him something
he doesn’t want to buy, he’s liable to . . .he’s
liable to . . .[a]
ENDORA: [to Joey] He’s liable to disintegrate you.
SAMANTHA: Not literally, of course.
JOEY: Ladies . . .and gentleman . . .this jacket is the top of our
line. It’s massed produced especially for our label.
UNCLE HENRY: Sammy, he’s making me angry.
SAMANTHA: Mr. Hinkley, don’t push. For your own good, don’t
push.[b]

Episode: Samantha and Tabitha
are not in the scene. Lines assigned to Samantha are given to Endora.
ENDORA: My nephew has a quick temper . . . . [The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut]. Mr. Hinkley, don’t push,
for your own good don’t push. [Samantha has returned from the
charge desk with Tabitha. She sits Tabitha in a chair with the package,
and enters the scene].

Script:
JOEY: Okay, I’ll level with you. My father doesn’t have
much faith in me. If I can show him that on my first day I made sales
in two departments - - -[a]
UNCLE HENRY: Sonny, you’re trying to ram this sale down my throat
. . .and I don’t like anything rammed down my throat . . .unless.
of course, it’s a Ram doing the ramming.

Episode: At [a]:
SAMANTHA: Cousin Henry, what are you up to?
COUSIN HENRY: Nothing, he’s up to something. [“He’s”
replaces “Sonny”]

Script: SNOW: [taking off his
helmet] I’m Jack Snow.

Episode: Snow looks down at
the number on his jersey before he says his name.

Script:
SNOW: Where am I?
SAMANTHA: You’re in Hinkley’s Department store in Long
Island, New York.

Episode: “Long Island”
is changed to “Patterson”.

Script: [Uncle Henry reaches
for his own jacket. Joey blocks his path. Henry tries to get by while
Joey blocks his path as if they are playing some sort of game. Tabitha
watches Joey and Henry.]
SAMANTHA: Uncle Henry’s going to do something. Mother, stop
him!
ENDORA: Why? It’s beginning to get interesting [a]
UNCLE HENRY: [to Joey] Okay, kiddo, that’s it. [Henry waves
his hands in a complicated gesture which Endora and Samantha do not
see. Joey turns into a manikin]

Episode: Henry does not reach
for his own jacket, and he and Joey do not do the “get in my
way” game. Samantha’s and Endora’s lines are changed
to:
SAMANTHA: Mother, what’s going on here?
ENDORA: I don’t know. It’s beginning to get interesting.
[The lines and action after [a] are cut. Henry’s
magic motions are not shown]

Script:
ENDORA: I’ll go ask Henry to come back. He’ll undoubtedly
giggle at me, but I’ll ask. [a] [Endora POPS
out. A clerk approaches Samantha]
CLERK: Weren’t there three of you?
SAMANTHA: [innocently] All I see are just my daughter and me.
CLERK: [a shrug] Have you been taken care of?
SAMANTHA: Yes, we have.

Episode: After [a]
the lines and action are changed to:
SAMANTHA: [to Endora] First you’d better take Tabitha home [calling
to Tabitha] Tabitha, Sweetheart. [beckons her to come to Endora] This
isn’t the type of thing Tabitha should be “in on”.
See if you can get Aunt Hagatha to sit and then go get Henry. I’ll
cover here. [to Tabitha] Sweetheart, you and Grandmama are going to
go home….sort of fast . . . it’s really a no-no, but sometimes
no-no’s are very necessary because . . .
ENDORA: Is this going to take long?
SAMANTHA: I’ll explain later, Sweetheart. Bye bye. [Endora and
Tabitha POP out]
CLERK: Weren’t there three of you?
SAMANTHA: [innocently] Were there?
CLERK: May I help you with anything else?
SAMANTHA: No thanks, just browsing.

Episode: Tabitha is not present.
The lines between [a] and [b], [c]
and [d], and [e] and [f]
are cut.

Men’s Fitting Room:

Script: Samantha and Tabitha
enter the fitting room.

Episode: Tabitha is not with
Samantha.

Script:
ENDORA: Maybe he went to Switzerland for the annual Cheese Tasting
Festival. {Endora POPS out]
SAMANTHA: Tabitha, let this be a lesson to you. Never use witchcraft
to hurt people. And never use it at all unless . . .

Episode: Samantha’s line
is cut.

Men’s Department:

Script: [a][Samantha
and Tabitha return to where they left Joey . . .and discover that
he is gone]
SAMANTHA: Oh, no.
TABITHA: Did he run away?
SAMANTHA: He couldn’t. Somebody took him. Wait here, Sweetheart.[b]
[She crosses to the counter where the clerk is] . Sir, pardon me,
but do you know what happened to that manikin that was right over
there? [c]
CLERK: They took it away.

Episode: At [a],
only Samantha is present. The lines between [a] and
[b] are cut. After [c] is added:
CLERK: What dummy?
SAMANTHA: The manikin that was . . .
CLERK: Couldn’t resist that little bit of humor.

Moon:

Script: Uncle Henry zaps up
a sulky and rides off in it. The script says if possible, into space.

Episode: The sulky goes out
of sight but the clopping of the horse’s hoofs can be heard.

Stock Room:

Script:
HARRY: That my bowling will improve. [a] [Samantha
and Tabitha enter; Samantha has the package]
SAMANTHA: Excuse us, but . . .
FRED: Lady, this room is for employees only. [b]
TABITHA: There he is, Mommy.
FRED: There who is?

Episode: At [a]
Tabitha is not with Samantha. Samantha does not have the package.
The lines after [b] are changed to:
SAMANTHA: Oh, thank goodness I found him.
FRED: Him . . who . . .him?

Script: Sorry lady. We’d
like to help but it’s against the rules.[a]
SAMANTHA: [sighs] Okay, Tabitha, let’s go. [b][They
exit out the back door from the stock room]

Episode: The line between [a]
and [b] is cut. At [b], “They
exit” is changed to “She exits.” At [a]
Samantha has the replacement line “Oh, well. Thank you anyway”.
After [b] is added:
HARRY: You really think that’s why she wants the manikin . .
.to make her husband’s suits?
FRED: It takes all kinds, Harry.

Stock Room Alleyway:

Script: [Samantha and Tabitha
walk into the alleyway. Samantha snaps her fingers and the manikin
POPS in next to her]
SAMANTHA: All right, Tabitha, we’re going home . . .the easy
way. . .I know it’s a no-no . . .but we’re using it to
help people. [Samantha waves one arm and she, Tabitha and the manikin
POP out.

Episode: Tabitha is not present.
Samantha’s line is cut, but she and the manikin are shown to
POP out. The clerk comes around the corner just in time to see the
POP out].
CLERK: I’ve got to get that check-up.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: Endora makes magic gestures
and the manikin topples onto the floor. The camera shifts to show
Joey lying on the floor. Samantha helps him up.

Episode: The manikin does not
topple over. Joey simply POPS in in his place.

TRAILER

Department Store:

Script: Packages are piled on
a sofa close to Samantha.

Episode: The packages are on
the nearest counter.

Script: Joey goes over to help
Samantha with the packages.

Episode: Joey picks up some
packages and promptly drops them. Samantha ends up picking up the
packages as Joey fumbles with others.

REVIEWER’S NOTES: In the “Final Draft”
of the script dated June 3, 1968, the script is titled “Samantha
goes South of the Border. In a revised version of the script, also titled
“Final Draft”, and dated June 20, 1968, the script title
has been changed to “Samantha and Darrin at the Olympic Games”.
(Click here to see a page of the
script from Agnes Moorehead's archives.) The episode was filmed
in September of 1968 and finally aired on April 24, 1969 under the title
“Samantha and Darrin in Mexico City”.
That this script was written almost a year before the episode was aired
is seen in the spelling of “Tabatha” in the script, rather
than “Tabitha” that was in use at the time of the airing
of the episode.

This is the last episode aired that featured Dick York as
Darrin.

TEASER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

Script: Samantha is in the kitchen
setting up refreshments which include several bottles of “Salud”,
a cola like drink. She goes to the door and peeks into the living
room.

Episode: The drinks are named
“Bueno”. [Endora POPS in]
ENDORA: You naughty little eavesdropping witch, .
SAMANTHA: Shhh!
ENDORA: What are you doing?
SAMANTHA: I’m trying to find out if we’re going to Mexico
City.
ENDORA: Oh . . .this mortal life has addled your brain, Samantha.
SAMANTHA: Darrin’s advertising campaign may introduce a new
soft drink, Bueno, to the American public. It’s a multi-million
dollar project.
ENDORA: I think it’s a multi-million dollar bore.
SAMANTHA: You would. There’s a chance you’ll be able to
baby sit with Tabitha for a couple of days.
ENDORA: A chance?
SAMANTHA: If Senor Aragon likes Darrin’s presentation, we’re
going to Mexico City.
ENDORA: A chance? That’s practically a guarantee that you won’t
be going to Mexico City.
SAMANTHA: Just be available.
ENDORA: Just whistle. [she POPS out]

Stephens’ Living Room intercut with Kitchen:

Script: [Samantha opens the
door a little wider]
SAMANTHA: Darrin, would you give me a hand in the kitchen. {Darrin
comes into the kitchen].
DARRIN: What can I do?
SAMANTHA: Help me with the glasses, and tell me whether we’re
going to Mexico City or not.
DARRIN: Sure.
SAMANTHA: “Sure” we’re going, or “Sure”
you’ll help me? I’m dying of curiosity.
DARRIN: Sam, there’s a lot more at stake than a trip to Mexico
City and the Olympic Games. Introducing Salud to the American public
is a multi-million dollar project - -TV specials, billboards, magazines
- - everything.NOTE: The script always refers to the soft drink as “Salud”,
while the episode always uses “Bueno”.
SAMANTHA: The Olympic Games are enough for me! Now quit teasing!
DARRIN: Well, I think both Larry and Senor Aragon liked my presentation.
SAMANTHA: They ought to. You put a lot of thought and work into it.
DARRIN: And I drank about two cases of Salud personally.
SAMANTHA: Greater love hath no advertising man. Maybe that’s
what’s put so much zing into you lately!
DARRIN: Sam, the zing is from thinking about being with you in Mexico
City.
SAMANTHA: I love being married to a man who says such friendly things.

Episode: The entire above scene
is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script: [Darrin and Samantha
enter. Samantha passes the tray of refreshments].
ARAGON: Thank you. This is a good time for a little Salud.
SAMANTHA: Anytime is a good time for Salud.
ARAGON: Of course! . . . .Your husband has some excellent ideas that
Senor Garcia will be very pleased with. [a]
LARRY: Yes, it’s great stuff, Darrin . . .a marvelous job -
-and I’m going to be proud to present this to Senor Garcia tomorrow.
DARRIN: You??? I thought I was going to make the presentation. [b]
LARRY: I know, but I can’t spare you now. There’s just
too much going on in the office that needs your attention. Of course,
there’ll a nice bonus in it for - - -
DARRIN: That’s not what I had in mind!
LARRY: Senor Garcia is the president of the company. He’ll feel
slighted if he doesn’t meet with a top executive of McMann and
Tate.
SAMANTHA: I have an idea. Why don’t you make it McMann, Tate
and Stephens?

Episode: The lines before
[a] and after [b] are cut.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
SAMANTHA: Poor darling. You teed off at ten and you’re still
teed off. [a]
DARRIN: At the end of eighteen holes, I’d beaten one golf ball
completely flat!

Episode: The line after [a]
is cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

Script:
DARRIN: If this were Salud, I’d choke.
SAMANTHA: I know, dear.[a]
DARRIN: Sam, do you realize that prince of a fellow, Larry Tate, is
in Mexico City for two glorious weeks of the Olympic games that belong
to us? In fact, right at this moment - - -Mexico City time - - he’s
having lunch with Raul Garcia and Carlos Aragon and pitching my presentation!
[Samantha puts the paper in his lap].[b]

Episode: “Salud”
is changed to “Bueno”. The lines between [a]
and [b] are changed to:
DARRIN: Sam, do you realize that ugly American, Larry Tate, is in
Mexico City for three glorious days that belong to us? In fact, right
at this moment - - -Mexico City time - -he’s having lunch with
Raul Garcia and Carlos Aragon and pitching my presentation?

Stephens’ Kitchen:

Script: [Samantha enters, looks
behind her to make sure she isn’t followed, then raises her
hands]
SAMANTHA: Forgive me, dear, but this is for us. [She snaps her fingers
and she is in her flying suit. She snaps her fingers again and POPS
out].

Episode: The above scene is
cut.

Restaurant Terrace:

Script:
GARCIA: And Carlos said you had another man who was very imaginative.
ARAGON: Senor Stephens [a]
LARRY: Yes, I’m training him but of course, he hasn’t
my experience and creativeness – [b] [Samantha
points a finger at Larry]- -

Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are changed to:
LARRY: Yes. Bright boy. I brought him along carefully and under my
guidance in a couple of years he may develop some of my judgment and
creativity.

Script: GARCIA: Mr. Tate, we
are not backward in our social graces. [a] And your
country is known as the only one that ever went from barbarism to
decadence without an intervening period of culture!

Episode: The line after [a]
is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen with Intercuts To Hotel Lobby Phone
Booth:

Script: [Samantha POPS back
in]
DARRIN: Sam! Where are you? - - Oh! Where’ve you been? I looked
all over for you!
SAMANTHA: Did you look in Tabatha’s room?
DARRIN: No.
SAMANTHA: That’s where I must have been.
DARRIN: Honey, Larry’s not going to rob us of a little vacation.
We’re going to be on a plane to Jamaica in two hours!
SAMANTHA: Oh - - - well, gee, I - - -
DARRIN: I’m so anxious to go somewhere with you, I’m even
willing to let your mother baby-sit!
SAMANTHA: Well, I don’t really need a vacation. I’m happy
right here with you.
DARRIN: Listen! [reads from paper] “Dancing under the tropic
moon . . . .steel bands. . . . warm breezes . . .romance!” How
does that grab you?
SAMANTHA: Why don’t we just put on a record and turn up the
heat in the house?
[The phone rings . .Darrin answers]
DARRIN: Hello . . .Yes, this is he . . .Oh, put him on. [to Samantha]
Larry’s calling from Mexico City. He must’ve closed the
deal.
LARRY: Darrin, it’s so good to hear your voice!
DARRIN:[ to Samantha] He says it’s good to hear my voice. He
must have blown the deal. [to Larry] How did the meeting with Garcia
go?
LARRY: Great! You know what an old smoothie I am! . . .Darrin, I think
we need a little extra charm with Garcia. Why don’t you and
Samantha fly down here tomorrow?
SAMANTHA: Are we going? Are we going?
DARRIN: We were thinking of leaving for Jamaica. What happened?
LARRY: Never mind! There’s an eleven o’clock plane in
the morning. Be on it! I’ll make a reservation for you at the
Hotel Camino Real.
DARRIN: Okay, but we want the honeymoon suite.
LARRY: I’ll get you anything you want!
DARRIN: [to Samantha] He really must have fumbled it!
LARRY: Another thing - -brush up on your Spanish because I promised
you’d say a few to Garcia’s associates in their own language.
DARRIN: Larry, I don’t speak Spanish! I only took two years
in high school, and flunked it both years.
LARRY: What’s so hard about it? Millions of little kids down
here speak it - - -why can’t you? We’ll meet you at the
plane tomorrow. [Darrin hangs up]
SAMANTHA: Oh. Darrin - - -I’m so excited!
DARRIN: Not me. Larry promised I’d give Garcia’s associates
a little speech in Spanish.
SAMANTHA: You can learn it! We’ll get a book - - -and I know
the language - - and in no time at all you’ll be speaking Spanish
like Roberto Clemente!

Episode: The entire above scene
is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

Script:
TABATHA: Hi, Grandmama [a]
ENDORA: Well. What is it? What do you want?
SAMANTHA: We’re going to Mexico City on business for a couple
of weeks, and...
ENDORA: Well, I’m glad you’re getting away from this quarter
acre of crab grass, dry rot, and creeping senility!
DARRIN: She’d make a great real estate agent, wouldn’t
she? . . .Well, enough of the pleasantries. We’d better be -
- -
ENDORA: Momentito! . . . .Samantha, if you paid as much attention
to witchery as you do to housewifery, you’d know the Grand Coven
of Witches is meeting this week and no respectable witch would miss
it. I can’t possibly baby-sit, nor can any other witch.
SAMANTHA: Oh, that’s right!
ENDORA: There must be a warlock available. How about Uncle Arthur?
DARRIN: I won’t have him in this house!
SAMANTHA: What about Daddy?
DARRIN: Never! By the weekend he’d have Tabatha eating pickled
pigs feet in a London pub.
ENDORA: Why not Octavius? Ocky loves you and Tabatha, and even approves
of the marriage which shows he’s getting a little weak in the
head.
DARRIN: Let’s forget the whole thing!
SAMANTHA: Mother, just get Ocky. [Endora touches her temples, makes
a gesture, and Ocky appears].
OCKY: Missed him! Or her. - - -Well, hello! You caught me in full
stride. I’ve been hunting butterflies in the Republic of Upper
Volta.
DARRIN: Upper Volta!
OCKY: I saw several large flutters of them just outside the capital
of Ouagadougou.
TABATHA: Uncle Ocky! Uncle Ocky!
OCKY: Hello, Tabatha! You remember who brings you the jelly beans,
don’t you. [He holds out his hand, jelly beans appear there
and he gives them to Tabatha.
SAMANTHA: Why Uncle Ocky!
OCKY: I know, but that’s what uncles are for . . .to spoil children
a little bit.
SAMANTHA: How would you feel about spoiling her for a couple of weeks
while we’re in Mexico City? - - -Not too much, of course.
OCKY: I’d love to! Pasaran un buen rato!
DARRIN: What’d he say?
SAMANTHA: He said we’ll have a good time.
DARRIN: That’s what I thought, until I found out I have to give
a little speech in Spanish, and it just panics me!
OCKY: Have courage, my boy.
DARRIN: None of you know what it is to have that feeling in the pit
of your stomach.
ENDORA: I do. The first time I saw you, and it keeps coming back with
monotonous regularity.
DARRIN: Mother, you make a mockery of the word “Mother”.
[Samantha gives Tabatha a big hug and kiss]
SAMANTHA: Goodbye again, darling.
DARRIN: Daddy loves you, and he’ll be thinking about you all
the time!
ENDORA: I do hope you have a nice time.
SAMANTHA: Thanks, Mother. Goodbye.
OCKY: Adios.
DARRIN: Nos veremos!
ENDORA: Oh, that accent! If you speak Spanish like that you’re
going to start another Mexican war - - -and personally, I hope this
time they win.

Episode: [After [a]
the entire scene is cut and replaced with:]
DARRIN: Enough of the pleasantries. Let’s just say goodbye to
the Old Lady of the Sea.
SAMANTHA: Oh, Darrin!
ENDORA: [Tells them, in Spanish, to have a good time].
DARRIN: What did she say?
SAMANTHA: She said she hopes we have a good time.
DARRIN: With her baby-sitting and me having to give a speech in Spanish,
I’m beginning to doubt it.
ENDORA: Having trouble with Spanish? I’ll give you a little
zap . . . .
DARRIN: No thanks. I’ll learn it my way.
ENDORA: I doubt that.
SAMANTHA: [to Tabitha] Now you take good care of Grandmama.
{The Scene shifts to the nursery where Endora puts Tabitha down for
a nap. The scene then shifts to the stairs where Endora pauses]
ENDORA: And now something for Durwood.

Higgledy, piggledy chestnut tree,
No one now will ever see,
How embarrassed you will be,
When you speak the fluent Spanish,
All your fears will merely vanish.

Script: [Ocky is reading a story
to Tabatha]
OCKY: So Leaping Lena, the kangaroo, put all her Olympic Gold Medals
in her pouch and went jump-jingle, jump-jingle, jump-jingle all the
way home. Now isn’t that a lovely story?
TABATHA: Read it again.
OCKY: That was the third time. Well, in a little while your mommy
and daddy will be in Mexico City and . . .[he thinks] . . .Your father
sounded so worried about giving that speech in Spanish. He needs a
little help. Let’s see:

Higgledy-piggledy chestnut tree,
No one will ever see
How embarrassed you may be
You will speak a fluent Spanish
And your worries will all vanish.

I think that’s a goody, Tabatha.

Episode: This scene is completely
cut.

Airplane:

Script:
SAMANTHA: Your Spanish was perfect! But when you spoke it, you disappeared.
[a]
DARRIN: This is one of your Mother’s delightful pranks.
SAMANTHA: This seems out of character for mother, but you’re
evidently getting help from somebody.
DARRIN: If anybody didn’t need friends, it’s me..

Episode: The above scene is
cut.

Script: The script calls for
the stewardess to ask another stewardess if there is a man in the
seat beside the cute blond.

Episode: The stewardess’
lines are moved forward to just before Darrin pops out.

Script:
STEWARDESS: Maybe I accidentally switched contacts with my roommate.
[Darrin reappears] [a]
SAMANTHA: You disappeared for just about as long as it took you to
say the Spanish. Now don’t worry about a thing. I’ll go
back and talk to Ocky. It must be him.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are changed to:
SAMANTHA: Mother’s up to something.
DARRIN: When is your mother going to butt out of our lives?
SAMANTHA: Well . . . .
DARRIN: Never mind. I know - - -never!
SAMANTHA: You disappeared for just about as long as it took you to
say the Spanish. Now don’t worry about a thing. I’ll go
back and find what’s going on. [Samantha POPS out]

Stephens’ Living Room / Kitchen / Airplane:

Script:
OCKY: Here’s a story about a fat little angel who kept falling
through clouds. [Samantha appears at the Kitchen door and gestures
to him] I’ll get some milk for Lena. You look at the pictures.
TABATHA: Okay, Uncle Ocky. [he takes Lena into the kitchen]
OCKY: My perfect Spanish spell worked, didn’t it?
SAMANTHA: Yes, but you goofed a bit. When he speaks Spanish, he disappears.
OCKY: Good heavens! Well, I’ll straighten it up . . .[indicating
kangaroo] . . .or her name isn’t Leaping Lena. [Samantha POPS
back into the airplane].
SAMANTHA: It was Ocky, but everything’s going to be okay. He’s
working on it.

Episode: [The above is cut and
replaced with:] [Samantha POPS into the living room]
ENDORA: Oh. Hello darling. If you’re popping in because you’re
concerned about Tabitha, she’s napping.
SAMANTHA: I’m not concerned about Tabitha. I’m concerned
about Darrin. Mother, what have you done to him?
ENDORA: I . . .didn’t do anything to him . . .nature did.
SAMANTHA: Every time he speaks Spanish he disappears.
ENDORA: How amusing.
SAMANTHA: Mother, it isn’t funny. What have you done?
ENDORA: Well, the Old Lady of the Sea just tried to help the poor
frightened soul. I merely cast a spell to remove his fear when he
speaks Spanish. If it removed him the poor boy must be all fear. .
. .Oh, it’s priceless.
SAMANTHA: Mother, you take off that spell.
ENDORA: You tell him that the Old Lady of the Sea will take off that
spell after he has learned his lesson.
SAMANTHA: And in the meantime?
ENDORA: I’d advise him not to speak Spanish.
SAMANTHA: Mother, you make a mockery of the word “Mother”.

Airplane:

Script:
SAMANTHA: Ocky only wanted to help you. I guess that’s one of
the penalties you pay for being so loveable.
DARRIN: Yeah, but what do I do in the meantime?
SAMANTHA: Speak your perfect Spanish real fast or not at all!

Episode: [The above is cut and
replaced with:]
SAMANTHA: Now don’t be upset, Sweetheart. You don’t have
to speak Spanish . . .at least not for a while.

Script:
DARRIN: Maybe we should stop at our hotel first - -check in and so
forth [a].
SAMANTHA: [indicates kangaroo] Yes, and our daughter would want us
to put Leaping Lena to bed. She’s in training for the Olympic
Games.
GARCIA: So that’s the kangaroo that wins the high jump, the
broad jump, the hurdles, and the cross-country! I have read the story
to my little daughter.

Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.

Muralto Restaurant:

Script:
DARRIN: . . . .uh. . . your product in the States. [a]
GARCIA: You are very persuasive, Mr. Stephens, and I am impressed.
But it is more important that my associates feel the same way when
you talk to them tonight. They understand English, but a few words
of Spanish would be a nice touch.
LARRY: Darrin speaks Spanish like a native.
DARRIN: A native of Outer Mongolia.
GARCIA: I will explain all that, but let me hear your Spanish.
DARRIN: No, really, I . . . .
LARRY: Let’s hear it Darrin. [Samantha nudges her handbag off
the table]
SAMANTHA: Oh! . . . . Darrin?
DARRIN: I’ll get it. [He slides off of his chair and goes under
the table]. Dispenseme, por favor. [he disappears] Ojala que no confunda
los zapatos de alquien por la bolsa . . .No la veo. Pero la encontrare.
Tiene que estar aqui.
GARCIA: He speaks very well indeed. [Larry and Garcia look under the
table]
LARRY: I don’t see the handbag.
GARCIA: I don’t even see him!
SAMANTHA: He’s right here under the table
LARRY: Darrin, where are you?
DARRIN: Right here. Darrin appears under the table and comes up with
the handbag]
SAMANTHA: Sorry to be so much trouble, dear.
DARRIN: My pleasure.

Episode: ”Salud”
is changed to “Bueno” and “Health” to “Good”..
The lines after [a] are cut.

Script: Samantha comes up with
the name “Zing”.

Episode: The name “Zap”
is used here and throughout the remainder of the episode.

Script:
SAMANTHA: No, we’re imposing on you. And you’ll want a
little time by yourself to think about Zing.[a]
GARCIA: I can still do that, and after all, I have the car and driver
. . .
LARRY: And where could we find a more gracious and charming guide?
We’d all be delighted.

Episode: After [a]
the lines are changed to:
GARCIA: You’re right. I even have to think over why I said I’ll
think it over.
LARRY: I’ll escort Sam and Darrin to their hotel. [He tells
Garcia goodbye in Italian]

Plaza De Toros:

Script:
GARCIA: . . .and as you can sense the tremendous strength of the huge
bull and the sheer determination of the small man who faces him with
nothing but a cape, si?
DARRIN: [forgetting] Si! [he momentarily disappears]

Episode: This scene is cut.

Chapultepec Park:

Script: [Darrin lags behind
the group and is approached by a shoe shine boy].
BOY: Shine, Senor? Shoes very filthy.
DARRIN: No, gracias. Mas tarde [He disappears. The boy looks around].
BOY: Senor? [He crosses himself and runs away. Darrin reappears]
GARCIA: Well, this is just to give you a taste of the cake. I’ll
take you back to the hotel and pick you up around nine to meet my
associates.
DARRIN: Have you thought anymore about Zing?
GARCIA: I’ve hardly stopped thinking about it for a moment.

Episode: The entire above scene
is cut.

Hotel Suite:

Script: [The kangaroo has a
blanket wrapped around her]
SAMANTHA: Now isn’t that cute!
DARRIN: Yes, but Sam - -I’m desperate!
SAMANTHA: Yes, I know, dear. I think Leaping Lena and I had better
hop back home and I’ll work with Ocky. [Samantha and the kangaroo
POP out]

Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living room:

Script: [Samantha POPS in. Ocky
is lying on the couch with a cold compress on his head]
SAMANTHA: Ocky! Are you sick?
OCKY: Samantha, I’m exhausted! Coming up with a counter spell
wasn’t easy.
SAMANTHA: [Holding up kangaroo] Ocky, this is what arrived instead
of the counter spell.
OCKY: This just isn’t my day
SAMANTHA: You’ve got to do something, Ocky!
OCKY: Shhh! Tabatha’s napping. Maybe I can reverse the curse
. Yes, I’ll start pitching a reverse curve at him.
SAMANTHA: Take plenty of time warming up so you put this one right
over the plate!

Episode: [The entire above scene
is cut and replaced with scenes in the Hotel Room and the Stephens’
Kitchen]
LARRY: [Scene in hotel room] And when you refused to speak Spanish
you made me look like a fool.
DARRIN: What’s new about that. I told you I had only a little
Spanish.
LARRY: Let’s not confuse the issue with facts.
SAMANTHA: Come on fellows.
LARRY: And where did this idea for Zap come from?
SAMANTHA: Well, Larry, I hate to tell you this. . . .
DARRIN: It was a sneeze. She couldn’t hold it back.
LARRY: Well, okay. But you had better be good tonight. [He exits]
DARRIN: Samantha, I’m getting desperate.
SAMANTHA: You relax, Sweetheart. I’ll hop home and see what
I can do [She POPS out. The scene shifts to the Stephens’ Kitchen].
[Samantha POPS in] [Endora is giving orders to a chef and waiter in
French]
SAMANTHA: Mother, what is going on here?
ENDORA: We’re just having a little dinner.
SAMANTHA: A little dinner? With this diet Tabitha will have the gout
by the time she’s five.
ENDORA: Samantha, this child is just skin and bones.
SAMANTHA: You get rid of all of this stuff.
ENDORA: Oh, well. . . .[It Zaps out]
SAMANTHA: And take the spell off Darrin right now.
ENDORA: Oh, I forgot. I’ll go to work and reverse the spell.
SAMANTHA: Thanks.
ENDORA: You’re welcome.

Hotel Suite:

Script:
DARRIN: Samantha! I was afraid Larry and Garcia would get here before
you did.
SAMANTHA: I’ve been working with Ocky. He’s trying to
get rid of the spell by reversing the curse. He’s going to pitch
it at you right now. Don’t move!

Episode: [The above is cut and
replaced with:]
DARRIN: Sam, Larry and Garcia will be here any moment and the spell
is still on.
SAMANTHA: She said she’d get rid of it by using a reverse the
spell spell.
DARRIN: This is ridiculous.

Special Restaurant:

Script: [Darrin has finished
his speech. There is applause and shouts of “Si!” and
“Yes!”
SAMANTHA: Forgive me, darling?
DARRIN: Oh, si! Un million de si’s! [a][Endora, dressed as a
waitress sets a glass of water beside Darrin] Muchas gra . . . .
SAMANTHA: Mother!
ENDORA: You can relax, Dumbo. The spell is off.
DARRIN: Thank you, Mother for both the glass of water and your daughter!
[Endora moves away and gives him a look at the fade out].

Episode: [The lines after [a]
are cut and replaced with:]
SAMANTHA: Say something in English.
DARRIN: Case loco?
SAMANTHA: Say, “I apologize”.
DARRIN: I apologize [he does not disappear].
SAMANTHA: Why didn’t I think of that before. All Mother wanted
was an apology.
DARRIN: Why didn’t she say so?
SAMANTHA: You know Mother.
DARRIN: I know your mother. She’s every inch a mother-in-law.
LARRY: [to Darrin] You had me worried there for a while. [Samantha
and Garcia ad lib congradulations to the fade out.]

TRAILER

Olympic Stadium – Stands:

Script:
DARRIN: Run! Run!
LARRY: Go, boy! Go!
SAMANTHA: Come on! Come on! [An American or an American team wins
the race]
DARRIN: [to Samantha] Samantha! You didn’t do that with a twitch,
did you?
SAMANTHA: Darling, if I wanted to use witchcraft, you’d be in
the Olympics, and you’d win more gold medals than Leaping Lena
the Kangaroo! [They both laugh into the fade out]

Episode: In a most unusual ending,
the episode does not use a trailer. The episode ends at the end of
ACT II.