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Thursday, 19 September 2013

Beloved dices with death - again

There is a war brewing. Or rather, there is some epic
revenge brewing, I just need to decide exactly what is appropriate. So far I am
torn between feeding Beloved to enraged Honey Badgers (and is there any other
kind of Honey Badger?) or making his brain melt by making him watch BBC
channels with numbers above 2. Or making him watch reality TV until he loses
all faith in humanity and slowly fades away from sheer despair.

Reality TV is much more easily obtained than Honey
Badgers, it has to be said. I think that’s a fundamental flaw of society – less
fly-on-the-wall, more enraged mustelids!

But what heinous crime did Beloved commit to earn death
by badgers? Why, so provoking was it that I suspect he may be trying to commit
suicide by Sparky.

See – I bake. This is well known. I bake all kinds of
scrummy goodness, completely from scratch and all designed to ensure you will
die from severely clogged arteries but damn it will be worth it.