QUIZ: Which media descriptor for a white male terrorist are you?

Ever wonder how YOU would be described by the media after committing an act of racially or religiously-motivated terrorism as a white male? Take this quiz and find out, and don’t worry – none of the results are “terrorist”!

1. When you’re cranking up the tunes, what’s on your playlist?

Metal, rap, all the traditional blame-absorbers

Alternative, country, and rock & roll from like the Beatles onward, if you get me

Types of music were allegedly heard at the time of an incident

Justin Bieber baby!!

2. What would your friends say is your best quality?

Friends are for normies, but it’d probably be the fact that I’m not a normie

I have a certain “Western-ness” about me, if you know what I mean. DO you know what I mean?

There have been reports of a quality being possessed

My fondness for and physical proximity to Canadian pop star Justin Bieber

3. Describe your ideal Friday night!

Being gradually radicalized online – but not in an ISIS kind of way. Just for lulz!

Shaving my face, praying while facing nonspecific directions

Several days occurred this week, including Friday

Chasing Muslims around with a machete – near a Justin Bieber concert, that is!

4. You’ve just killed several innocent people, but you yourself have almost certainly been taken alive by the authorities. What’s your signature courtroom style?

Wild hair and crazy eyes. Crazy it up, I’m crazy!

Flaunt that light hair with a classic exposed top of the head

Dozens saw a style taking place in or near a building

Casual but classy, and definitely within 900 miles of Justin Bieber

5. Will your crimes receive the same level of international attention and condemnation normally reserved for terrorist acts committed by Muslims?

No

No

No

Justin Bieber! No

QUIZ: Which media descriptor for a white male terrorist are you?

You are a “Disturbed Lone Wolf”

Awooo, you’re a deeply disturbed individual! Being particularly troubled/lonely/shy/etc, you were likely indoctrinated over time in white supremacist online spaces, but like the thousands of other lone wolves who you share those spaces with - and sometimes assemble with en masse - your actions are an isolated incident. You’re the one whose name and mugshot get all over the news, sparking a conversation framed exclusively around mental illness. But it’s not your fault – you’ll be referred to as a “kid” if you are under 40 years old. Probably a good kid! Score!

Hey good lookin’! You’re “clean shaven,” “blonde,” “well dressed”, and any number of other descriptors coded to mean “not Muslim” while still framing that fact as an anomaly! You’re a vague admission that an act of white terrorism has occurred, presented in cryptic terms and served up with a zesty side of but-how-could-this-be. Before the end of the news cycle somebody’s going to really step in it and call you “dapper.” Work it!

Vroom vroom! You’re a vehicle, explosive or other implement that was used in the wilful taking of innocent life – and that’s all anybody needs to know! You’re a chill descriptor that likes to keep things passive; it’s not that you “kill people,” it’s just that when you’re around, people “are killed.” When you mow down a crowd of human beings, it could be an act of white supremacist terrorism, or it could be an accident, or the work of a ghost! There’s nothing wrong with a little mystery, so keep ‘em guessing! You may sometimes also be a gun.

Baby baby baby, you LOVE the Biebs! You’ve been there since day one and own all his albums. You’ve worn out your Blu-ray of Never Say Never and you travel countless miles to see his concerts. Through scandals and comebacks, tattoos and questionable haircuts, you’ve been right there cheering on Stratford’s #1 son. You’re a true Belieber and you stand for your man! You also recently had to be subdued by police for threatening to dismember Muslims in the street with a machete. So that’s two facts about you, and one is probably about as noteworthy as the other. Bieber!