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Monday, 30 March 2015

A Dilemma

So after last weeks You Don't Look Sick post I had a lot of people sharing things with me where people had said something to them that had hurt their feelings.

After hearing so many I decided to compile them, along with asking a few more people about their experiences, adding my own and creating a "what not to say to sick people" guide.

The problem with this is that I was (and am) very concerned that reading it might upset people, which is not what I'm going for.

I don't think it will, because it's not just about me, but there is that possibility because it does include my experiences.

I also am fully aware that everyone says things they don't mean and that one slip up does not make you either a bad person or a bad friend. It's just about avoiding the situation entirely.

My parents argued that the people likely to be reading this blog are those closest to me and are therefore more likely to be alienated by the suggestion they've said something to upset me.

I did my best to explain the 9 different phrases most often used and why it's best to avoid them without sounding angry or accusatory, but as it is essentially a post about hurt feelings it's also never going to sound 100% happy.

I sent the post to three of my friends to get their opinion on the post and how it came across. All of them were very supportive and said it didn't sound angry... but all of them immediately apologised for anything they might have said that might have upset me.

And those are all people who have never said any of the things included :s

So, I'm not really sure what to do now.

I thought the best thing route to take was to put it to my friends, do you want to read it, and would you be offended?

I want to explain the situation for myself and others but I also want my friends to like me afterwards!

I know there's no way of knowing 100% without reading it, so to give you an idea it's a bit like a less angry, expanded version of this aimed at all chronic illnesses bot just ME.

If you're okay with it and want me to post it then like or comment on the Facebook post linking you to this. If you're not on Facey B then comment below.

I'll look at page views vs responses and decide what to do from there.

1 comment:

I think that it's inevitable that people will apologise after reading about things that hav upset you in the past, because we all love you and it pains us to think we might have said something thoughtless and caused you a bit of a headache. However, I don't think that's reason enough, in itself, to stop you from writing about this issue. It's important to get the message out there and I maintain that if you're doing it in a fun and engaging way (like you always do) then you have nothing to worry about. But that's just my opinion. You will have a better idea of the sorts of people your friends are and whether they'll be able to take these things in the way that their intended. In some ways, it's nice for the three people you asked to come back to you and apologise for any offend they may have caused, because it means that they love you. However, this does mean that you might have to send out some reassuring email after the fact (thanks for mine btw) and that might not be a suitable use of your limited energy reserves. So in conclusion, this comment is not in any way helpful. Sorry about that...

About Me

ME/CFS is a chronic condition that leaves it's sufferers constantly and inexplicably exhausted with a wide variety of flu-like symptoms including muscle pains, headaches, loss of short-term memory and concentration. It often means sufferers are unable to work, have active social lives or even leave their house (or in some cases, bed).