like, the concept of it. how i’ve run with it, and every once in a while i think i’ve written this wacky love triangle and there’s going to be issues and angst but for now it can be light and fluffy and then i think

OK here we go again… So I haven’t updated in forever and I’m super sorry!!!!! I’ve been jumping on and off diets and also a bit of relapsing into eating disorders, depression, and anxiety problems! But that’s a story for another day. Trust me this post is going to be long enough so PLEASE try and bear with me!!! Anyway…

So weight update (as of yesterday) 170.4 lbs. Which is almost 10lbs down from my starting weight of 180 lbs.

Not going to lie for a while I wasn’t eating anything except dinner and then like 1 serving of a “binge” food and that was it. A lot of it was due to starting up a new job and waking up too late to eat anything, grabbing my waters, and running to work. By the way watching kids on an empty stomach like that can be crazy!!!

Anyway. Ive been keeping my weight maintained for a while but maintaining my weight just wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to lose weight before Christmas and my new diet plans weren’t working. So I’ve been doing research and through a totally random discover (thanks to my Pinterest!) Of the master cleanse.

So I’ve heard of this before and just throwing this out there I DO NOT believe in cleanses, but this particular cleanse caught my eye once I started reading about it.

So basically this is a cleanse where you drink this spicy “lemonade” without any solid foods and you lose weight and also cleanse your body.

And now here I am talking about doing this. I’m starting this diet tomorrow on complete random, but I feel the need to do this. I want to prove to myself that I can do something like this and hopefully cleanse my body of all the gross stuff.

ANYWAY… I’m starting this by doing the easing in process. So tomorrow I’ll be cutting out meats and dairy type products as well as processed junk. The next day will be a diet of only fruits and veggies, and the final day will be nothing but juice. I read somewhere that you can use any juice so that’s what I’ll be doing. Then on Monday I’ll be starting the actual cleanse. (I would go into detail on this but it’s so much info still and this post is long enough.)

Tomorrow I will start a daily log of intake, mood, energy levels, and anything else I find vital. Also every 5 days I will be updating my weight and doing progress pictures.

Now thanks for sticking through all that!!! I know it was super long!!! Tomorrow I’ll also include a little bit more of a personal update to let you guys know more about what’s going on in my life!!! Roughly 80 more pounds to go!!!

Long nails look so pretty and elegant but they're so uncomfortable. I had to trim my nails because I couldn't bear it and I lost my fancy glass file so I had to use nail trimmers and I could hear my nail shattering I'm sorry nails please forgive me

I’m sorry omg that’s so sad rip nail file and u get used to long nails mine r like…. Rly long and they don’t bother me at all

Okay. Shit, I’m drunk, so bear with me. But I’m drunk in the middle of a crowded room, and I couldn’t feel more alone. Like, all these thoughts start getting to me, even though I’m surrounded by my friends. I’m 22, never had a relationship, and I’m having serious doubts that love really exists. Like, bad. All I want to do is to feel like I’ll never have to be alone, but all I’m feeling right now is lonely. How am I supposed to fix this? Is it only extroverts who can find “true love?” Someone please come along and prove me wrong.

I feel bad sharing the angst of it all, but I
will elaborate! Under the cut because I remembered a lot, and its incoherent
and basically a crappy soap opera. Normally I don’t let my sleeping brain
make plot decisions for me, but here we are!

PS: sort of contains spoilers for my story. ALSO
its super long, but it all happened very quickly in my head.

While I do enjoy making content, I am not a machine. I have five (5) mental illnesses that are out to get me. I currently have around 12 requests, and I do my requests in order. So please, bear with me.

Also this probably sounds weird and dumb as heck but please bear with me

Thank you to everyone that says nice things about Ricky or likes or reblogs his pictures or whatever. We all know how emotional I get about this weird goblin, but it honestly….so when I think about what happened to him -and I actively try to avoid doing that- I get really distraught. Like angry and on the verge of tears and just this dark nasty cloud of negativity that ultimately doesn’t really help him or me. And when the vet told me that he would be dead by now if he hadn’t been taken out of the shelter, it was another thing that really fucked me up and I try not to think about.

So here’s this weird goblin, and he’s a mess that’s doing his best with his bad leg and bad teeth and weirdo tendencies, and I love him and want him to just have the best life he can have in his remaining years (we have no idea how many he could have left, he’s anywhere from 6-10 years old). And the fact that other people like him and appreciate him is like…he probably can’t comprehend it, but I can. I can comprehend that he went from being abandoned in an apartment in Florida during the summer for 3 weeks with barely any food and water, to being adopted only to be brought back a few weeks later. I can understand that at one point this dog went through actual hell, starved and abused and felt all alone and scared to now being revered not only by myself but by people that have never even met him. And it dulls the pain when thinking about what he endured and makes me appreciate him that much more.

Small thing that some of these might not get done until tomorrow cuz it’s late and I usually sleep around 10-11 my time and I’m just now getting started on the to do list so- bear with me please. first up is the stuff for Seaweed, Mar, and Bun, since they’re on the tip top of the list and they’re my babes so–

I honestly, truly hope that 2017 is a good year for me. What with having panic attacks for the first time and being afraid of leaving my house, having my heart broken, and crying on my birthday… 2016 was a very hard one for me. I need 2017 to be more of a year of self-love for me. I need to believe that I am whole and okay without feeling like I need someone to take care of me. I need to learn how to live with myself, by myself. I am so emotionally needy, that it’s unhealthy. I need to stand on my own two feet. Please 2017, help me come to know myself. This land of in between and unhappiness is so hard to bear. The only thing that is sure in my life is school. It’s the only thing solid and routinely for me. Everything else is up in the air. I’ve made discoveries about myself but I still don’t know who I am.

@ the anon who just asked for headcanons re: Rip and the phrase “Time Dad”… please bear with me for a while. I am very behind on Legends and I don’t have a computer at the moment and also finals are a thing. But I am VERY excited to get to that so please be patient ❤❤❤

Ever since I returned from my Chicago trip my body and mind have been going nuts trying to readjust to regular life…my entire sleeping pattern changed..I don’t really know wth is going on />.<“” I haven’t been able to grab a computer to make the posts for this week (I’m putting this up in chrome on my tablet bc posting with mobile just sucks I can’t get a lot of things to work correctly > <) I’ll try tomorrow (Friday the 9th) please bear with me. I’ve gotten word we’re also moving to another house soon, as soon as the end of January so I could be busy getting ready with that. I have the worst memory like an anti-elephant brain so if things don’t go up I simply forgot / \ or I’m just tired.. A new posting schedule for backlandingrazorback will go into effect starting next year bc I actually ran out of stuff to post tbh <- yes u u"… hope y'all understand. But on the plus side I got some special things planned so don’t go away!!! :3 I love you guys!!!!! \^w^/ <3 and remember: stay brutal \m/

I love my daddy so much.
We had a picnic on his bedroom floor and kissed and cuddled and had some fun 😋
But more importantly he let me put on tinker bell and handed me this lil stuffy I bought him and let me cuddle up on his lap and just?? I felt so small and loved.

Request: 31 and 21 Mick Rory?? Please I loved the last one “Shortcake” it was so adorable great work.❤💙🌼👍
‘21. “Stop looking at me like I’m your everything.”and ‘31. “Having something you can’t bear to lose is fucking scary.”’

a/n: so much angst…

Mick Rory is an arsonist. Fact. Mick Rory doesn’t take shit from anyone. Fact. Mick Rory is deathly scared of falling in love. Fact. Mick Rory is so in love with you, everybody on the ship knows. Fact.

The crappy metal box shifts underneath his ass, rocking back and forth with his movement. The shiny red gun is coddled in his rough hands, glimmering as he scrubs a rag against it forcefully. This, cleaning his gun, is the only way to keep his mind in check. Well, this and setting stuff on fire.

“Hey Mick!“ you beam, stepping into the barren room; boots squeaking down the steps. All you expect in response is a grunt, but his head snaps up to look at you, eyes squinted. “Woah. Stop looking at me like I’m your everything.” you joke, plopping down next to him.

He huffs, his attention going back to dusting his gun. “Wasn’t.” he denies, keeping his head down, eyes focused. “Can’t have ‘n ‘everything’. Not in this work.“ he grunts, puckering his lips.

You pout, slumping your shoulders. “But you should be happy!” you argue, earning a snort from him. Shoving into his side, you frown, fixing your t-shirt from slipping off your shoulder, “I’m serious, you asshat! I know that having something you can’t bear to lose is fucking scary, but you can’t let that stop you.” you say honestly.

“Yeah, well, maybe someday. Just not today.“ he sighs, standing up and walking to the door, leaning on the frame for a moment. “We’ll talk later. Bye, sunshine.” he nods, saluting.

Rolling your eyes at the nickname, you laugh, “Bye Mick. Think about what I said, okay?“ you plead, kicking your heel with your other foot while leaning back on your forearms.

The bulky man halts in the middle of the hallway. His grip on his gun tightens. “Maybe.” he sighs, continuing to stalk forward.
Mick Rory is one of the most stubborn men in the world. Fact.