Asked for certain rules that would guarantee he doesn't coast. Asked for longer rounds. Took to Twitter and the radio and even his friends' cell phones to taunt Lytle, a man whose nickname is "Lights Out," presumably because that's what he does to his opponents. He puts their lights, you know.

Out.

Poor Chris Lytle. He can't win.

Well, wait. He can win. And he probably (definitely?) will win. Look at this monster I'm fighting! But in the larger sense, he can't win. I'll get there in a second, but first understand why we're doing it:

We're helping raise money for a miracle gym in Indianapolis that uses boxing workouts — not sparring; just high-intensity boxing workouts — to help Parkinson's patients.

So Rock Steady Boxing — which has expanded to 47 affiliates in 11 states and three countries — has the occasional fund-raiser to support its work.

Friday night's fund-raiser is a series of three-round amateur boxing bouts capped by a main event: Chris Lytle against, um, Gregg Doyel.

Understand, I asked for this fight. Well, I didn't ask for Lytle — do I look stupid? — but when Rock Steady Boxing executive director Joyce Johnson asked me to attend the show, I told her yes, with one stipulation:

I'd like to fight, too.

Rock Steady Boxing emailed back, told me Chris Lytle would spar with me in an exhibition, and of course I said yes. With exceptions. They were offering three rounds of 60 or 90 seconds each. The amateurs are going two full minutes, so I wanted that as well. Hey, I was 4-0 as an amateur boxer from 2007-09. With three knockouts!

Also, I told Rock Steady Boxing, I want a referee and judges. Someone's going to win this fight, which means somebody has to lose. And poor Chris Lytle, what does he do? Does he let the sports writer take it to him?

Lytle retired from professional fighting in 2011 after 15 boxing fights (13-1-1) and 54 in mixed martial arts, (31-18-5 overall, 10-10 UFC). He's a coach now, still in the game, and I wrote about one of his pupils last week. I texted that guy, UFC lightweight Andrew Holbrook, to ask if he'll be there Friday "to watch me whip Lytle's (rear end)."

Lytle heard. He knows I'm coming after him, and he knows he can beat me up. The question is, how badly does he have to beat me up to ensure he wins?

That's the only question, by the way. The other question I raised earlier, where I asked: Do I look stupid?