Contrary to popular belief…

Have you ever wondered where we learned all the weird things we know? I’m not talking about intellectual things or the knowledge one gets from school. I’m speaking of all the strange or bizarre random stuff that ends up on a shelf in the brain.

For instance, there is the number thirteen. It’s supposed to be bad luck. What about walking under a ladder? That also brings bad luck. There are so many things in life that bring both good and bad luck that it’s almost impossible to keep up with them all. And it’s all just so much nonsense anyway; those signs are practically too old to be relevant anymore.

We need some new bad luck signs, signs that have been created for life in the twenty-first century. And who better to give you those new bad luck signs than me? Read on, and learn to watch out for all of the new things that can lead to the worst luck imaginable (okay, not imaginable, but you get the idea).

Updated bad luck signs:

You get home and realize you don’t have your wallet, purse, phone. Where were you?

The sound of your doorbell when you saw a salesperson next door a few minutes earlier;

The 15th time you hear “Mommy / Daddy I want” while in Toys ‘r us;

The sentence “Could I interest you in…” (another fill in the blank);

Someone saying, “The repair will only cost….” (and still one more fill in the blank);

The Health Department sign on the outside of a restaurant with the big letter B on it (run!);

It’s three in the morning and you’re on the freeway headed for Gila Bend, AZ (I’m kidding – no one goes to Gila Bend). According to Wikipedia: Gila Bend was “founded in 1872, in Maricopa County, Arizona, US. The town is named for an approximately 90-degree bend in the Gila River, which is close to but not precisely at the community’s current location.” When a town is named after a bend in a river that is just close to it, well, that kinda says it all;

A headache (what, you thought a headache was good luck? Okay, maybe if you were going to work and a headache made you stop for Tylenol, Advil, aspirin or a huge cup of 7/11 coffee and because of that you missed a monstrous traffic accident that would have made you late. Fine. But other than something like that, a headache is definitely bad luck);

Answering the phone and the person on the other end mispronounces your name (unless it’s my last name – no one can pronounce it – not even cousins). Ninety-nine percent of the time when that happens it’s a telephone solicitation thing. Someone wants to sell you something, wants you to donate something, someone wants something;

A knock on the front door by a young person wearing a tie;

Waking up in the morning after a horrible storm and the carpet is soaked (or waking up in the morning next to your big dog and…the carpet is soaked);

You wake up, drool on the pillow, your phone is on your chest and it’s out of power – never a good sign;

There are more examples of bad luck of course; everything is an example of bad luck; it’s all in how you read it. So: How do you read life?