I’ll Just Say It For All Of Us: In-N-Out Burger Is OVERRATED

I’ve eaten a lot of fast food. Probably more than a healthy amount of it, so trust me when I say that I know what I’m talking about. The best fast food is obviously Taco Bell. But we can’t compare burgers to tacos. Tacos would win every time. Duh. But in terms of fast-food burgers, In-N-Out is overrated.

I am originally from the East Coast, so when I moved to Cali I was AMPED to try In-N-Out. People post pics and Facebook statuses about the lackluster burger joint on the reg. People also go nuts over the option to go animal style. Which I have to admit is a great name for something so simple and boring.

Let’s break it down starting with the burgers. COULD THEIR PATTIES BE ANY SMALLER? It’s a mystery to me how they cut the meat so thin. If I wanted to stuff my bra with their patties (which I’ve never done, but am now considering), it would take, like, 20 patties to do the job. McDonald’s has thicker burgers than In-N-Out, and they are infamous for their thin slices of meat. McDonald’s also offers more varieties of burgers. Yes, I know you can add patties to an In-N-Out burger. But that is so bland and simple.

Now onto their fries, which are even worse than their burgers. Actually, they are for sure worse than their burgers. They’re the worst French fries I’ve ever eaten in my life. First off, they are crazy underseasoned. An untouched potato has more flavor than the sad excuse for fries that In-N-Out is serving up. Also, they are soggy and thin AF. If I tried to stuff my bra with their fries. (JK, we don’t need this analogy again.) Wendy’s serves up some thick ass fries, crisped to a crunch, and seasoned by someone with the same finesse as salt bae. TAKE A HINT, IN-N-OUT.

I know what you’re thinking: “What about animal style? Animal style is so good.” No, it’s not. Animal style is three ingredients. The first is a slice of crappy cheese that doesn’t even melt fully onto the fries. Like, you can’t upgrade it to some nacho cheese sauce? Next time BYOCheese, because the slice in your fridge is likely better than theirs.

The other ingredient for animal style is literally Thousand Island dressing. Don’t get me wrong, it is a delicious sauce. But it’s not unique to In-N-Out. You can get a side of Thousand Island dressing at any other fast-food place. I know this because I do it a lot.

The final ingredient is some overcooked onions. The main purpose the onions serve is to help make the animal-style fries look more like your dog’s vomit from last night. At least, that’s the only reasonable explanation I can think of.

The one thing I will give In-N-Out credit for are their milkshakes. The milkshakes are thick, flavorful, and better than most fast food milkshakes. Carl’s Jr. gives them a run for their money, though.

Call me a hater all you want. But deep down, I just feel sad for the people who actually think In-N-Out is good. I’m here to stomp the hype and issue an official warning that IN-N-Out is OVERRATED.