5.19.2015

Our New Personal Connection

America still has a long way to go when it comes to matters of race,
gender, and sexual orientation. But we have come a long way too, and in a
remarkably short amount of time. I am barely 40 but still plenty old
enough to remember (and, I must admit, participate in) some awful
stereotyping of people. We’ve made some incredible progress. I think
it’s because we have more regular contact now with people different from
us. Where once we huddled with others like us and let our biases
harden, now we have normal discourse with a wide range of people at
work, at church, and in the neighborhood. Those seemingly innocent human
interactions not only break down walls between us but also enable us to
empathize with those different from us. Not only do we not think ill or
make fun of others anymore, but when we hear of racism or sexism or
homophobia we become angry and protective. It’s because those being hurt
are no longer some vague concept of “them” but rather a very real “us”:
our own friends and loved ones, with whom we have a personal connection
and with whom we hurt when they are aggrieved.

My wife and I are in an interracial marriage: she is white, I am
Asian. We live in a progressive and diverse urban neighborhood in a big
East Coast city, exposing us and our children to a wide range of people
from all walks of life. We adopted our first two kids from Asia: Jada
from China in 2005 and Aaron from Taiwan in 2007. We talk about race
freely and often, as befits its importance in their understanding of
themselves and of the country they live in. They have friends of all
races and ethnicities, and have traveled around our city enough to see
how race, ethnicity, income, and power intersect in this country. My
wife and I are grateful that they have had these early exposures, and we
pray they will carry these experiences into an adulthood that is marked
by respect for all and a desire to participate in the progress we are
seeing in our nation.

Recently, we added a third child to our family. Asher is our first
domestic adoption and our first newborn. He is also our first
African-American child. He is an absolute angel, and in this adoption
journey my wife and I have been buoyed up by the prayers,
encouragements, and kind words sent to us by so many friends and family
members. All of us are aware of the tragedies and complexities that make
up the current experience of so many black men in this country. But
adopting Asher into our family has, for my wife and me, lent these
tragedies and complexities a new relevance. We now process news stories
as not just journalism or statistics or social commentary but also with
our new personal connection. Maybe our friends and family members will
grow along with us too. With these greater human ties, may there be
greater compassion and greater connection and, ultimately, greater
healing.