MONTEREY, CA—According to sources, local man Ethan Leroux is not only still making phone calls as though the year is 2005, but he’s also leaving voicemails on all of his friends’ cellphones like some kind of savage brute who has never seen a cellphone before.

The uncultured caveman cheerily leaves messages up to two minutes long, forcing his friends to either perpetually ignore the voicemail icon in the corner of their screen or else listen to the messages in their entirety, according to sources.

“Like, what year is this—1999? Come on, man,” one of his friends muttered after noticing he had three little voicemail notifications and four missed calls, all from Leroux. “Just text me bro!”

The rambling voicemails feature the boorish philistine going on and on about his day and asking if his friends want to meet up later, with pertinent information that could have been delivered in a 100-character text message sprinkled throughout the recording.

At publishing time, Leroux’s friends had staged an intervention to stop him from leaving any more voicemails, prompting the man to respond to the text invite with a lengthy voicemail.