After the poison of “New Jersey” and the sordidness of “D.C.,” Bravo’s latest “Housewives” spinoff “Beverly Hills” feels as airy as a TV Land sitcom.

Then you remember most of these women have children, and the unscripted series seems like a pathetic plea for help.

First strike against “Beverly Hills”: The show is already dated. Camille Grammer filed for divorce from husband Kelsey (yes, TV’s “Frasier”) in July and he’s already moved on with another girlfriend.

But here, they’re seemingly happily married. She helps him pack for a stage production of “La Cage Aux Folles.” He tells the cameras that during their 13-year marriage, Camille, a one-time MTV dancer and Playboy pinup, has taken a back seat to his career.

“I think it’s time for Camille to get a little attention,” he tells the camera. Given how their situation has changed, that could be perceived as a curse.

Whatever sympathy Camille might earn with the viewers quickly soars out her McMansion windows. She brags that she had her two children by a surrogate to maintain her figure. She rotates four nannies, two at a time, to care for the kids. “I’m here all the time for my children,” she assures us. How could they possibly tell?

Kim Richards, one-time Disney child star (“Escape to Witch Mountain”), is a single mom with four kids by three men and is flailing emotionally and financially.

Having spent her formative years in front of the camera, Kim has the personality skills of a goldfish on valium and stands as a warning to those who would push their tots into Tinseltown.

Younger sister Kyle tries to help her find a new apartment but Kim wavers. Both sisters are aunts to celebutwit Paris Hilton through older sister Kathy Hilton. Kim seems jealous about ceding celebrity to someone else in the family.

Also playing for attention: Lisa Vanderpump - yes, that’s really her name - a saucy Brit who lives in perhaps the most elaborate home depicted in any series and loves to tease her husband, who calls her a sex object.

“Every time he wants sex, I object.”

Ba-doom-boom.

The couple seems unable to remove a household leech - Cedric, a houseguest who has followed them across the globe for two years and has no intention of giving up their good life.

Adrienne Maloof is a mega-rich businesswoman, one of the owners of the Sacramento Kings, and married to a plastic surgeon.

Taylor Armstrong gets some injections from Maloof’s husband that leaves her with a Klingon forehead, all in the hope of retaining her husband’s interest.

Several of the cast members have had so much work done, their faces resemble fish heads. There’s an undercurrent of desperation in this spinoff - the belief that a woman is only as good as her face and figure, and that there’s always some pretty thing on her way up to take her place. These women know they are disposable. That’s the ugly truth lining the sun-kissed streets of “Beverly Hills.”