OK, I know this mini-review of the big night is a couple of days too late, but I gotta say that, surprisingly, Hugh Jackman did not totally suck as host of the Oscars. The opening number was actually pretty funny and he tried his damnedest to keep a very bloated telecast light and lively, but, any way you look at it, that second big dance number was a total train wreck.

First off, Beyoncé needs to simmer. Seriously, she should go into hiding for the rest of the year, America has had enough of her. And if the bitch sings “At Last” one more time, I swear to God, Etta James is gonna have to get in line to beat her down. Enough with that already! Yikes…

The most annoying thing about that colosally over-produced number — aside from the fact that it serves as further proof that Baz Luhrmann has just plain lost his mind — was that most of the songs they “celebrated” were never even nominated for Oscars. So, what was the whole thing about? The return of the musical? What, because there were three big musicals released last year? Please…that was such a stretch.

I was also really annoyed with the clips they played this year too, those comedy and action scenes were kinda cool, but, seriously, sometimes it felt like we were watching the freaking MTV Movie Awards: “And now, Will Smith will present the award for Best Kiss.” Y’all are the Oscars, OK? You do not need to pander to kids with a bunch of clips from movies that most of your craggy-old membership has never even seen. Aside from being a total time-filler, it’s just lame…

And though I am so down with most of the winners — especially all the Oscar gold for “Slumdog” and the “Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto” quoting Japanese dude! — I have to admit that those creepy induction ceremonies with the past acting winners were just plain scary. Yes, it was great to see some of the old timers out there onstage, but, wow…that whole circle of five shit was freaky.

We kept joking that they were gonna give the winner a chalice of blood to drink from at the end of it all: “Welcome to the club. Now drink from the blood of Oscar and live forever…” Ahh!

Of course, being the Oscar nerd that I am, I went back later and re-watched each of the acting award presentations to see if maybe I missed something. I mean, were we just overreacting when we laughed through most of them? And guess what, we weren’t. That shit was crazy. Well-intentioned and very sweet sometimes, but still straight-up crazy.

I’ll write another post soon about the super cool Oscar-themed food we had at our party, but for now, here’s hoping the Academy works out the major kinks from this year’s show in time for next year’s bash.

Oh yeah, and I HATED the Ben Stiller as Joaquin Phoenixbit. I think Stiller stopped being funny like, ten years ago, but when he kept on mugging for the cameras as the clips from the nominated films played behind him, seriously, I wanted to kill the dude. That is just plain rude, man. Even hot-ass co-presenter, Queen Amidala, looked embarrassed…

But like I said, overall, a pretty decent show. I was pleased. Dying to hear what you guys thought of the big night, so comment away…

10 responses to “Wolverine at the Oscars…”

Well… You know I loved that opening number. It was funny and had a really nice spontaneous feeling to it (even though it was probably rehearsed within an inch of its life). Also, looking at the “circle of five” photo, the first thing that popped into my head was “you ARE the weakest link… Good-bye.”

I thought Wolverine was awesome! I rarely watch these lil award functions, but he definitely made me want to see what they will do next year. I also thought the more personal setting of the whole show was really good.

I actually liked it when the coven of 5 previous winners inducted a new member. At first, it was almost as if they were about to have an intervention!

I actually hope it continues because after we figured out the format, the next question was, “who from the previous winners are they going to dust off to do this?”

To me, it was fascinating, and kept me riveted to the screen when I saw them starting another induction ceremony.

I actually watched the Baz Luhrmann musical number again later, and it wasn’t nearly as horrifying as I originally thought (then again, I already knew to have low expectations by the second viewing).

But I still disagree that 2008 was the year “the musical is back.” This claim would have made more sense in 2003 when Chicago was nominated for (and won) Best Picture, since Moulin Rouge! had been nominated in the same category the year before.

I liked the induction style thing– especially with DeNiro and Penn– but missed seeing clips of the actors.

And, strange as it is, I always look forward to the obituary segment of the show. But with the camera panning around those video screens and trying to keep Queen Latifa in the frame, I sometimes couldn’t tell who was being remembered. And clips were missing here, too– like when the bigger stars appear, they’d play their signature line. This time, only Paul Newman.

When Giants Meet: I agree, the show did have a much smaller, more personal vibe, which I really liked.

James: I know, the whole “year of the musical” thing was just plain lame…

Damon: Oh man, I am so with you on the Latifah dead people tribute. That is usually one of my favorite parts of the show, and while I really loved her singing, I also got seriously car sick trying to read the names on the screens as they floated past. Annoying!

I mean, hello, we know what she looks like (and she looked kind of amazing!) so, please, have her sing offscreen next year while the clips roll…

I liked seeing the 5 previous winners induct a new member into their club. I’d much prefer to see Eva Marie Saint and Sophia Loren as presenters than, say, Jennifer Lopez.

I loved the “Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto” comment, too! Cheesy Styx song got a shout-out at the Oscars!

I hate musicals (sue me) so all the numbers were difficult for me to watch on some level. I will say it helps that the songs were sung by the very fine Hugh Jackman so that I could just look at him and tune out everything/everyone else.