Shepard is jealous of the geth. So, he takes steps to rectify the problem, leading to some rather unexpected consequences... A concept 'what if' elaborated into a full-on 'for want of a nail' story with "more twists than a pretzel factory caught in a tornado." Rated for some violence and a tiny bit of fowl language. Yes. Language about birds.

The cargo bay hummed, the open, quiet area reverberating subtly with the vibrations of the drive core one room over. Several specialists called this their home, finding comfort with the silence and the tools of their trade. The elevator opened, and Commander Shepard, Alliance officer, Citadel Spectre, and self-proclaimed "total badass" stepped out.

"Garrus?"

The blue-armored turian turned from the diagnostic terminal that took up most of his spare time. "Shepard. What can I do for you?"

The human walked slightly past him to lean on the hull of the Mako. "Got time to talk? Off the record?"

A blink and a twitch of the mandibles were the only visible response. "Of course. I've been thinking about what you've said to me. About… well, following the rules…" Garrus shifted uncertainly.

Shepard held up a hand. "Actually, save that for next time we chat. I'm here to talk about something else." He patted the Mako fondly. "You think you know enough about this baby to attach some additional weapons to her?"

Garrus scratched his fringe thoughtfully. "Well, shouldn't be too hard. We have plenty of spare parts here to work with. But isn't it against regulations to modify our vehicles?"

Shepard grinned, crossing his arms. "Well, I'm a Spectre now. I think I'd be a bit of a fool to not take advantage of ANY of the perks of my position, eh?"

Crossing over to examine the front of the vehicle, Garrus sighed. "This has something to do with that rack of rocket launchers and power cells you have over in the other corner?"

Shepard's grin widened. "It might."

Therum's heat seared into human, krogan and quarian alike. "Do you have any idea," Shepard said as he climbed out of the Mako, "how much easier that would have been if you had just helped Garrus finish the new rocket turrets?"

Tali rolled her eyes. "You ran over half of them, Shepard. And don't make me even start with your driving ability."

Wrex squeezed his way out, right behind the human. "Certainly an… interesting way of dealing with robots. I think I prefer shooting them myself. Especially when they're standing on a slope next to a hull-melting lake of lava."

He reached in to retrieve the power pack that he had been tasked with carrying. "Why exactly am I supposed to carry all of these power cells again?" he grumbled. "If it weren't for the rocket launchers you told me to bring, I'd feel like some kind of pack animal."

Shepard was unfazed. "Really, Tali. If you'd just gotten out there and helped Garrus, we might have had the rockets working for this mission. He's not THAT scary."

The three of them started up the foot path to the dig site.

"Oh, keelah! He's all spikey and has bones for a face and is really tall!" Tali said in a mocking, high-pitched voice. "You idiots. I am NOT scared of Garrus. Like I've said before, I don't have the heavy weapons expertise needed to be helpful. If you ask anyone to help, it should be Wrex. Or Ashley. Or… oh no."

Ahead of them, a large-and obviously geth-object dropped out of the sky. As the three of them slid into cover behind several of the dig site's conveniently placed supply crates, the object began to unfold, revealing an iconic flashlight head and four legs…

"Colossus!" Tali cried, peeking out from cover slightly to cast a tech overload. A geth sniper's bullet slammed into the crate beside her, and she quickly retreated back behind it. She cursed as her HUD read barely any difference in the machine's shields.

"Um, Commander," Joker's voice chimed up from their helmets. "The dropship in orbit just released something down near your position. Be on the lookout."

"Thanks for the heads-up, Joker," Shepard replied dryly. "Wrex, you were complaining about being used as a pack animal? Well, here's your time to shine. Pass out the rocket launchers, would you please?"

The Colossus staggered backwards on its three remaining functional legs, screeching as it stepped over the shattered pieces of its companions. It's flashlight head glowed an evil blue as it charged up one last plasma bolt…

And then exploded into scrap metal as several grams of flash-fabricated, Alliance-issue high explosive whoop-ass slammed directly into its primary weapon port. The plasma bolt pre-detonated, further shredding the primary control circuits in the head. The rest of the metallic body teetered, then detonated in a massive explosion as various uncontrolled systems overloaded. Shrapnel and blue sparks flew in every direction, some of which landed surprisingly close to one very excited quarian, standing on the other side of the clearing.

Wrex made a whoop. "Yea-ha! THAT's what I call a good fight! How long did that take, Shepard? Around 10 seconds maybe?"

Resisting the urge to pat the quarian on the head, Shepard looked around for the entrance to the dig. "We'll see. For the moment though, we've got to go save ourselves an asari. We are definitely bringing these on more missions in the future."

"Oh, alright," the krogan grumbled, tossing his pack off the railing as he ran. "We've got more of those on the ship, right?"

The three humanoids ran after him, the cavern collapsing around them as they went. Shepard looked up the long tube they were headed up and glimpsed sunlight. Just a little further…

The group of four burst out of the tube, just ahead of a plume of dust and ash. The Normandy hovered nearby, appearing more glorious than ever. Shepard heaved several breaths, glancing side to side at Liara and Tali before righting himself and responding belatedly to Wrex's question.

"Yeah, we got more. Don't worry."

Author's note: Wondering why they need power cells for rocket launchers? In ME lore, there exists technology that can rapidly fabricate small, complicated objects. Tech abilities are usually mini-grenades fabricated by the omni-tool. Certain ME1 glitches allowed you to see these in flight. Though it is never really explained officially, I think that the Mass Effect 2 heavy weapons require power cells to function because the ammunition fabricators need a lot of power. Hope you like the story so far. It will deviate, perhaps significantly, from canon.

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