The Christmas season boasts a lot of highlights, but nothing is quite as spectacular as a good old-fashioned Church Christmas Pageant. Homemade costumes, screechy singing, a Cabbage Patch Kid baby Jesus. Does it get any better?

There aren’t a ton of choice roles for girls in the Christmas pageant though, which is why I don’t have any pictures of myself looking especially Christmas pageant-y. There’s Mary, of course, and girls can also be angels (although the meatiest of those parts belongs to Gabriel — a boy). But I was never interested in playing Mary, aka someone who was having a baby. It didn’t matter if it was a starring role or that the baby was Jesus Christ. I had no desire to dress up in a pregnant costume, act out the process of giving birth, then happily hold a baby that had supposedly just come out of there, all in front of the entire church congregation. Being an extra in the choir of angels was the only way to go. You already saw this photo, but here I am (with the Rector, my little sister, and a photo bombing acolyte) after dutifully squeaking out several Christmas carols with the other angels in the chorus.

The boys, on the other hand, have the best selection of Christmas pageant parts, which is ironic since boys don’t even care about being in it anyway. There are several very visible shepherds, who not only have it easy as far as speaking roles and solos, but who also get to wear comfy bathrobes right in the middle of church.

But the best roles in the entire charade — hands down — are the three wise men. Each gets a brief solo — just enough to shine above the rest of the cast but not quite enough to make you super nervous. And the costumes, with bright colors and rich furs and shimmery golds, are easily the most exciting. The sage trio marching regally down the aisle in glittery get-ups to pay homage to the Mattel (TM) Baby Jesus is every pageant’s greatest moment. That said, this photo (taken circa 1990) of my dear friends Mary Grace, Sally Brown, and Lucy Hinkle, shows little Mary Grace in a pretty nifty sheep costume. Who wants to don a crown when you can wear this very special homemade cotton ball hat?

So even though my sister, our friends the Hinkle girls, and I never got the chance to shine as the Magi… the wise men and their scene-stealing anthem still win my award for stand-out performance. In honor of Christmas pageants everywhere…