How to confront your partner about spending too much time with friends

10/09/2017 08:00 EDT

(Photo: Pixabay)

Your significant other spends a lot of time with friends. How do you bring it up without jeopardizing their friendship and your relationship?

Dr. Kimberly Moffit, relationship expert:

Each person has a different idea of what the ideal relationship-friendship balance looks like. Conflict can arise when two people with different ideals enter into a relationship.

Set guidelines with your partner for how much time you want to spend together. Schedule nights during the week — eating dinner, seeing a movie, having intellectual discourse, etc. If your partner still allows friend time to kibosh these dates, refer back to your earlier arrangement.

You can say something like, “We agreed that we wanted to spend three nights per week of quality time together, but for the past two weeks, you’ve had five nights with your friends.”

This exercise can raise your partner’s awareness of his or her own priorities — and of neglecting them — and can open the door to a more meaningful discussion.

One of the big mistakes we make in relationships is bringing up what we don’t like instead of asking for what we want.

If you complain about the friends, it is likely your partner won’t take it well and will tell them. You don’t want them talking badly about you or making things harder.

Tell your partner you desire more time together. If you want to feel more a part of the friend circle, work harder to get to know your partner’s friends.

If your partner’s closest friends are people you don’t want to hang with, that is something to take note of because your partner is likely to have some similar ways.

The last thing you want to do is come between someone you love and the people he or she loves. It’s a good thing your significant other has close relationships and continues to nurture them. That’s a sign of loyalty and consistency.