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I once did a contest on my old site where people wrote in erotic fan-fiction that featured the staff of the Magic Cafe. I considered posting that in this advent calendar, but when I went back to read it, it made me want to vomit. So instead I will post the efforts done by my readers for a more tame creative endeavor: The Magic Cafe Poetry Contest...

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Free Magic and The Magic of Poetry

Well, hello, all. One of the first things I ever said I was going to do on this site was to give away some of my magic possessions in order to simplify that area of my life. I haven't done this in awhile but it's time for another free magic giveaway and this one is, what they would call in Latin, "a doozy."

We're all familiar with this man. Whether you know him as Max Maven, or Phil Goldstein, or Andy the guy behind MCJ, his contributions to this art form are vast and significant: no reasonable man could disagree. So all should be happy to learn that the prize for this contest is the Max Maven/Phil Goldstein Family Fun Pack (TM) which consists of: Focus, Redivider, and Shinkansen.

"Okay, Andy," you're saying, "Give me your address so I can come over and blow you for this wonderful package." Not so fast! You can win this contest without resorting to BJs. In fact it just requires a bit of creativity. You see, this contest will be won by whoever submits the best magic poem. "Magic poem...," you're thinking, "that sounds gayer then coming over to give you a blowjob." No, this will be fun. Here's how it works. Choose someone from The Magic Cafe then pillage a bunch of their posts for lines and phrases and then create a poem solely from these lines. For example, I created this poem from the posts of David Neighbors. Every phrase comes from one of David's posts, all the spelling and grammar are his own (and the Cafe's Grammar Gestapo). I have just cut and pasted them into an order that I felt was aesthetically pleasing. Here is the poem:

Killer Sponge Rabbitsby MCJ and David Neighbors

magical powers aren't that easy to come byIf I had real magical powers, I would just make a few killer looking women love me maybe some of the older guys can help me out?

I don't know if I will ever be able to float anything more then a pencildid not get mastery of time and space at the drop of a hatmaking four coins jump from hand to hand is hard I was going to show my powers just for entertainmentlike an IDIOT!

I know someone who loaded one of Tod's $ 1.00 shells In someone shirt pocket...then forgot all about it..And lost the shell

I have small handsIn the spectators hands

I would just make a few killer looking women love meI don't Know howDoes anyone know how

It's just that easy. Remember the poems (including the title) have to be made up entirely of phrases from one particular Cafe member of your choosing. And I am talking multi-word phrases, don't just chop it up into individual words, that's too easy. I suppose my own tastes lean a bit towards Robert Frost, but that would be a tough target to hit. The winner will get the Goldstein/Maven Family Fun Pack and there might be some runner-up prizes as well if I get a number of good ones. Enter as many times (with different poems) as you like.

The contest ends one week from the very second this post goes up.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Magic Circle Jerk's Poet Laureate

The poetry contest has ended. (The contest, briefly, was to choose a member of The Magic Cafe, take lines from different posts of theirs and use those lines to construct a poem.) I received a lot of great entries and I'm going to post some of the best ones in the next day or so. One poet stood out as particularly fine. In fact, his poetry was so moving that I was shocked that I hadn't read his work before. He makes Shakespeare look like a fucking joke. He easily beats Yeats and Keats. If Maya Angelou had read his work she would have given up poetry to write ad copy for yogurt in a tube, if not just gone ahead and killed herself.

The winner is Danny Diamond (whose name is itself pure poetry). He won for two reasons. One, he submitted two good poems. Two, he was the only one to even attempt to tackle any sort of rhyme scheme, which was almost impossible with this, and somewhat succeed.So here it is, the poetry of Danny Diamond.

This first poem comes from the posts of Phantomace. Phantomace, from what little I've read of him, seems to be a fawning little queen for the flourisher De'vo. And, in fact, that's what this first poem is all about. It's called...

A Dream Come Trueby Danny Diamond and Phantomace

A 19 year old supermodel,Just doesn't do it for me.A legend, not a person…De'vo,I have been lucky enough to see

The pants off of me,His Heaven Display,1 inch fingers about 1-2 hours a day,Will have me screaming all the way.

At least add a girl…LOL, you are wrong!He said it will be between4-5 minutes long.

I jerked my head back.Ilove to watch.The Little Red Balls,Were top notch.

Longer than I thought it would be,UNCUT!!…De'vo's clean.HOTNESS!…A 2 1/2 minute blindfolded routine!

De'vo is a legend,De'vo…is a good friend.Some of his stuff is just freaky,What's up with the chicken in the end?

Even though it is a quicky,WOW!That's when I knew,De'vo hooked up this young kid, Smoothness…A dream come true.

For his second poem, Danny took the posts of one of my favorite people at the Cafe and mix-mastered that shit into some dope flows that I'm sure even the original author will appreciate. So here they are, spinning wax and speaking facts it's...

Me, Me, Meby Danny Diamond and Djvirtualreality

Yo, I'm Dj Virtualreality…I'm well known…I'm only 14…I am 15…I always wear rubberbands… I have a bunch of time on my hands…I just walk around in malls.

Yo, I'm Dj Virtualreality…I slammed my friend's mom…I haven't been caught yet…I love to act a fool…I have to take cold showers…I've never had a soft one.

Yo, I'm Dj Virtualreality… I learn off the exposure sites…I don't own any effects…I'm not worried about it…I practice in front of my BIG mirror…I can see a crazy man…I wear a wife beater…I have blisters.

Yo, I'm Dj Virtualreality… I love to perform for girls…Imess up on purpose…I do this all the time in school…I shot an ice blast at my foot…I bleed a little.I am very confused.

Yo, I'm Dj Virtualreality

[2015 - If you're interested in reading some of the other poetry submissions, you can find a bunch here: http://thelinesyouamend.blogspot.com/2004_09_01_archive.html ]