The Day I Stole The Bat Mobile Pt 4

After 13 years..or maybe it was a couple of minutes spent surveying this triumph of model making...I regained a sembelance of reality.Years later...I discovered that the Batmobile..the original 1966 one..was modelled on the 1955 Lincoln Futura Concept car and it never sat well with me because the Batmobile..was..in my opinion..one of a kind..not some cheap rip off of another car and to this day..I still believe.

Something pretty strange happened then.My nine year old mind went into scheming mode.and I distinctly remember reacting with shock. Let me tell you..nine year old kids dont plan..they act instinctively and rely on speed and agility, staying two steps ahead of trouble wherever they possibly can. I felt like screaming "Get out of my head adult!..Im not anywhere near ready for you yet!"but this micro version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" had already began to gain momentum..and I was helpless to stop it
"Now thank your mom for making you wear the" Destination Africa" T shirt after all" whispered The Ghost of Future Planning"..."The Batbox will fit nicely up there..be quick about it now!"I watched my hands reach out and pick up the box but felt totally disconnected..like I was reaching out from someplace like Mars...and my hands were encased in those rubber glove thingummyjigs that they handle radioactive stuff with..and before I knew it..I was seven months pregnant with the Batmobile.

"Now quick!..hook right..behind the big shelf with the Tiny Tears dolls on it...past the model train set and just beyond that pile of Spacehoppers..is the exit door to the stairs......run for the Love of God!" I ran....and boy could I run! " hook right..check....tiny tears..check...sp....."Stop!..right now!" said The Ghost. I came to a shuddering halt. A Death Eater appeared, floating serenely around a display of multi colored beach balls. Mr Perkins!..the floor manager who's head seemed to be on a permanent swivel ghosted by within two yards of my position, but The Ghost had seen this..and I was safely tucked away behind Camelot. I think maybe Merlin had been waving his magic wand that day..and scale models in those days didnt really stick to any scale at all?..Camelot was friggin huge!

"Go go go!" shouted The Ghost frantically..and once again I was off...sannies skidding and squeaking on the polished floor as I ducked and twisted this way and that until I slammed into the door leading to the stairs...and freedom. Breathlessly I descended at a rate of knots faster than Capt Nemo ever did in his good ship Nautilus and hit the ground floor with a force that almost buckled my knees. Ten yards later..and I hit the exit door and burst through it gulping in the fresh air and bright sunshine, almost sobbing with relief and fell to my knees wanting to kiss the ground like a released hostage.

I'd done it!..I had actually nabbed the Batmobile!

I got shakily to my feet and looked up. I saw my pals across the street jumping up..shouting..waving at me..and I pumped my fist in the air, a broad grin spreading across my face at the idolization I was about to bask in..but...why weren't they smiling?..or laughing?

It was at that moment..a huge hand landed on my shoulder ..and yes folks..this time..I was pretty sure Id shit myself In fact..my nine year old pants were busy trying to board up my asshole whilst frantically inventorying everything due to future insurance claims

"Now then Sunny Jim...and what do we have there up our t shirt then?"

I looked around in horror and there stood the biggest Security officer Id ever laid eyes on. His hands were the size of excavation machines..you know..those big ones they use in Quarries..and his head seemed to be the size of the Sun. My collarbone was squealing like a sacrificial lamb under the pressure of said Quarry digger hand..and my pants had booked a one way flight to Barbados

I looked beseechingly across the road for back up..but saw my mates disappearing under a cloud of dust like four roadrunners had suddenly joined in the fun.
Godzilla spun me around effortlessly and reached under my shirt...retrieving the ill gotten gains and my fruits of labour shone in the midday sun.

"Kid..youre in so much trouble now" said Godzilla

Yeah I thought....as if I didnt know that already you big dumb shithead..but I only thought that..mind? The Jig was up..Id been caught red handed..and as far as I could see..Id be spending the next twenty years breaking rocks with the big kids'

"Where do you live, kid?" asked Big Dumb Shithead.

In those days...calling the Police was kind of a last resort...if you were caught stealing they marched you home for your parents to deal out punishment rather than go through all the red tape of an official investigation.
I dejectedly told him the general direction..and off we went. His hand never left my shoulder for a nano second..and he smugly gave me the offensive item to carry as further punishment for my crime

As we walked along..I searched for The Ghost in my head "What now?..I asked...but there was nothing..nothing but static I tried some thinking of my own..and took the Store Detective to an unfamiliar house..declaring it my true abode..but the nosy friggin neighbour next door stuck her beak out of the window screeching all witch like "you wont get an answer there young man..no one has lived there for months!"

BDS was not amused by this foray into duplicitness and his big meaty hand increased the pressure on my tender collarbone some more.He was enjoying this..the big dumb bastard.We walked on...my feet were hot..and my legs were tiring, walking the incline in the street because of the bridge across the local drain and I remember thinking..."jesus!..hope we never make the decline ..in fact..I could walk uphill all day if it keeps me further from my home..and the punishment waiting there for me"..we reached the middle of the bridge too soon for me though..and I began to think of what excuse I could possibly.."Now!"..it was The Ghost!..I almost sobbed out loud!..but "now?"..what "now?"..what did that m.......then it hit me.

The big dumb lummox had made a fatal mistake.

He had made me carry the booty!
I stopped stock still and looked up at him..smiling the biggest shit eating grin you ever did see

He looked down at me puzzled..then his face changed..it seemed to metamorphosise into a rubber mask of dismay and anger as he watched The Batmobile turn end over end in the air..lazily spinning out over the bridge and down into the rapidly churning waters of the drain

"What Batmobile" I asked him..all puzzled and concerned like?

His face was a picture of Fury...I was sure his head was going to explode in the first human firework display on this earth. I never saw it coming. I was too wrapped up in the joy and relief of Ghost's clever plan. His big paw fetched we one upside the head..and to this day..I've never been hit so hard yet felt less pain
"Dont ever come near the store again you little shit!" he bellowed! He knew he had lost and propped up on my elbows on the floor..I watched him stomp back to his hunting grounds, smiling like I'd won the World Cup whilst the ringing in my ear played Requiem for a Dream for the next ten minutes.

I'd won!

No evidence..meant no crime!..no crime meant no good hiding from my dad and a grounding that would outlast Nuclear Fallout. I'd escaped by the skin of my teeth...and a lot help from Ghost.

I picked myself up and walked home..thinknig hard on the escapades of the day. My four mates were waiting at the top of my street and sheepishly headed towards me., but I was in no mood for evil repercussions or wishing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to come visit them in their sleep tonite. Soon enough..I was regaling them with tales of The Take..The Escape..The Capture..and The Sting..and I joyfully basked in the idolization I thought was a million miles away, half an hour earlier.

An hour later..and we were all engaged in a war of soldiers, throwing rock grenades and going "over the top" fighting the dirty Hun and their evil band of followers

Thats the great thing about being a nine year old kid, You werent wracked with guilt..or shame..or any of those other nasty emotions adults have to live with. Being a nine year old kid was just that..you lived for the moment..nothing else mattered

Gee, man! I knew you were talented, but this just blew me away. You managed to transport my soul back in time and you made me root for a little, fearless felon Spikey like he was the nine year old embodiment of Braveheart. Freedom!!!!! Great piece! Congrats Iceman!

Aw thx Ronnie..glad you liked it..and stuck with it! And yeah...I visited the store again..but as an adult...and the weird thing was..it looked much smaller than I used to remember it...ya know? Maybe thats just perspective kicking in..its gone now..but to a nine year old kid?..never forgotten

You werenít lying about your Bat mobile blog. Iíve got to come back and read these blog posts! Never know if your kidding...itís like the boy who cried wolf...silly man! You always keep us on our toes and guessing.