Beach Slapped

If you have read this column for a while, you know Iíve said some terrible things about my cats. What you need to keep in mind is that I mean all of it. They are horrible little animals.

Now, it might be asked: Why does someone who hates cats have four of them in his house? Itís simple: My wife wonít let them out the door to be eaten by bears, deers, cannibalistic cats or dogs.

Dogs, you see, are real pets. (Except Chihuahuas.) Now, I donít want to get too far into this whole cats vs. dogs thing. Mainly because thanks to Amazon.com, all the psycho creepy cat-lady shut-ins can now order aggressive, lightweight power tools.

But cats are the only pet in the world that we simply write off their crappy behavior as ďwhat makes them special.Ē A dog bites a person and we muzzle them, throw them out of the house, and pray to God a Disney movie redeems them.