Tea Bag, Douchebag, Mailbag!

Answering the He Says, Zee Says Mailbag is fun, as well as a test of true love, since it can get kind of glaring how different our opinions can be as we reply to the random questions readers send in. We even bicker about it and just agree to disagree before we press that “Publish” button.

The fun part, of course, bears more weight, so we’re willing to gamble the relationship, and encourage you to send in questions for the He Says, Zee Says Mailbag, Volume 4!

Send in your questions about anything and everything under the sun, and we will try to answer the best way we can. No holds barred, silly, profound, or dumb questions that you have always wanted to ask, or wanted to know answers to. So far we have had a lot of questions about relationships, etiquette, hygiene, facial and body hair, and domestic problems. It’s been fun and useful, so bring it on!

Here were some of our favorite questions from past editions:

*****

Q: What do you think of men with prominent nose hairs? (Jack S, Makati.)

Zee: I find them mesmerizing, actually. I love how the hairs blow in and out as he breathes, and the way they sway left and right as the man talks. He could be the most boring conversationalist, but his nose hairs would make him a winner. Sometimes, I give them names like Jack and Toto, the nose hairs. Toto is part hair, part mole, as he pokes in and out. Toto is cute.

MDJ uses this electric nose hair trimmer that he has graciously offered for me to use. That’s fine with me, but have you ever poked a finger up your nose after using those things? It’s all bristly and sharp. Definitely not as cute as Toto.

MDJ: First, an infographic.

God, I love infographics.

Now, as a man cursed to the doom and gloom of male pattern baldness, I have an innate sympathy to any non-scalp hair a man can have on his head.

I tend to over-compensate for my baldness with weird artsy-fartsiness on my facial hair; could you imagine the wonderful possibilities one could do with a thick protruberance of nose hairs?? Dreadlocks are an exciting possibility, as would be braids. I think the ultimate facial hair combination would be nose hairs tied into braids, then joined by the tip to one’s handlebar mustache. That would be fierce.

Nose hairs are fine. Just don’t forget that like all other hair, a regular wash and some distinctive styling is always welcome.

*****

Q: What can you say about the new Lactacyd Whitening feminine wash? I saw it on display yesterday at SM. Do girls need to look mestiza down there? (Happy Y., Cebu)

MDJ: You’re talking about this, I think. I had no idea the product really existed until I actually saw it on TV.

I don’t think it’s a terrible product per se. I just think it’s horribly misguided. First of all, not to be crass, but shouldn’t the goal be more on, uhm, PINKENING?

Secondly, if the intent is to make one’s nether regions more appealing to the opposite sex, then I don’t think aesthetics are the way to go. I say it’s all about flavors and aromas. Can you imagine how ridiculously well bacon-scented Lactacyd would sell? No reasonably self-aware dude could say no to that. Throw in some real bacon bits for texture and flavor, and it’s a done deal.

I will say this though: the makers of this product missed out BIG TIME by not including “before” and “after” real-world testimonial photos of Georgina Wilson’s nether regions.

Zee: Some products can be ridiculous. There’s totally no need to whiten the *whispers* flower. The groin area, yes. Especially after birth. But what if one doesn’t use any other whitening product but that?

Picture this: a beautiful, tan Filipino woman steps out naked after a shower and whitening her *whispers* flower… and it’s the only white part on her body. That would send many a man running, and would flush whatever is left of his libido down the toilet. I believe in the natural beauty of the *whispers* flower. Let us keep flora the way it is.

*****

How do you tell your yaya that she’s “amoy lupa”? – (Joy, Pasig)

Zee: Well, first of all we don’t call anyone “amoy lupa”. We just call it what it is and say they have body odor, BO or bromhidrosis. Yaya most likely does not know she walks around with odor pungent enough to bring down a horse.

Help her. Buy her toiletries and teach her how to use them. Check on the food she eats, because it makes a big difference. Does she eat the same food as you do? Get her a new set of towels, as BO lingers. Give her a twice-a-day bath schedule and give her time to do this. She may feel that she has to spend her time taking care of the baby, that she either can’t shower, or have to rush through showering.

Set an example. Use alcohol everytime you touch your baby and tell her the importance.

Those are 3 simple steps you can do. Yayas are part of the family, and take care of our loved ones. We talk to them and treat them the way we do with the rest of our family members. She might just appreciate all of it and your house will smell mountain-breeze fresh.

MDJ: First of all, we don’t believe in talking down to Yaya, or to any househelp in general – they generally come from humble, provincial roots, and pretty much only have their dignity, so we try to respect that. “Amoy lupa” isn’t a term we’d use; “an earthy, aromatic bouquet with undertones of coffee and cumin” is probably a nicer way to put it.

It’s a problem telling anyone they smell bad, but the first thing to remember is that they probably only aren’t aware of their smells. I once knew a dude with the worst case of halitosis I’d ever smelled – I kid you not, he’d burp once, and the entire boardroom would instantly smell of a used bathroom, but he’d be blissfully clueless about himself being the cause. Taking them aside and letting them know is probably the kindest thing you can do.

Also, make sure you don’t direct criticism (however constructive) at her as a person per se, but on her actions and habits. People respond not too well to a direct assault like “Yaya, ambaho mo,” as opposed to “Yaya, siguro di pa kayo naliligo ngayon, ano?” Always make sure to distinguish between the person and the act. That will also help you drill down to specific causes, and not just make it sound like insults or chastisement.

But as Zee said, the best thing to do is to just provide Yaya with the personal care products that she needs – make sure she’s always well-stocked with a good shampoo, soap, feminine care products, toothpaste, alcohol, and deodorant. A nice, cheap alcohol-based perfume is a subtle way to appeal to her vanity – she’ll feel like a princess when she’s wearing it, and will apply it as often as she can, which is good.

Take ownership of the problem. Yaya might be there to provide service to you, but it’s your job to make sure she’s taken care of as well.

*****

Keep your questions coming, either in the comments section, our Facebook page, Twitter, or through email at hesayszeesays@gmail.com!