Do you find it as bullshit when someone who dumps you says it's hard for them?

I find this hard to belive. I was both the dumper and the dumpee couple of times and it was NEVER hard for me to dump. I remmeber, when I made my decision, I haven't felt that happy in a long time. Just the thought of being single and free again made me excited! That I don't have to fake or try anything, just be myself. And when I was dumping, I always gave the reasons no matter how harsh they maybe were, I was always honest. Sure I felt bad for them but that's as far as my emotions for breakup went. Then as soon as they go away I feel good and I never look back (I don't sell the crap about being friends and shit like that), if I wanted them as friends or knew I'm gonna miss them I wouldn't breakup in the first place. Basically, when I breakup that means I don't feel entertained by their presence anymore, no matter what kind of a fun activity we could do together. No matter for how long we've been together, I dumped a guy that I was with for 2 years and I only felt happiness doing it (he cheated on me). So when my most recent ex of 3 years dumped me and told me how hard it is for him, then telling me how he misses me and tries manipulating me into staying friends, I just can't help but laugh off and know that he is lying! Maybe it's just me, maybe people really do breakup over stupid things and then they wonder why they are missing the person... How about you?

Most Helpful Guy

Anonymous

I am not a confrontational person and sometimes breakups become confrontational, so I dread doing the breaking up. . . but I think about it for a while before I make my decision and if it's the right thing to do, I'm doing it!

What I think is bullshit is when a girl says, "One day, you're going to meet a girl who really deserves you and the two of you will be very happy together." Whenever a guy hears that, he wants to hit that bitch I the mouth! I'm not advocating violence but a girl is breaking up with me and trying to pretend that she's doing me a favor; that's bullshit.

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Most Helpful Girl

I don't think either positions are easy. Being dumped is obviously harsh. Nobody likes to be rejected by someone they care for.Whether you're dumping because of the wrong-doing of your s/o or if it's something from your own end, that's not easy either. Your boyfriend cheated on you? Sure, the break-up itself is a no-brainer. Dealing with how he could have been with you for however long while hiding this other girl. When you put all your trust into him and thought this was mutual only to have him completely blind-side you.. not so fun.Even if it's one of those cases where you just lose feelings for him, or say find someone better, I can't imagine it being easy to hurt and leave behind someone who you once shared something great with, and who was all about you.

For me, it's rarely the break-up itself that hurts. More like the gradual downfall if the relationship was toxic, or the vicious cycle of thoughts that follow. Guilt for hurting someone, wondering what I was lacking that made me just not enough for him.

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Yeah there can be many reason but that's not the point. The point is that they made a decision which obviously makes them more happy then staying with you. I get feeling bad that you hurt someone or feeling weird not having that person again and getting use to single life again, but saying that THE DECISION you made was hard for you... I kind of don't buy that. You should be happy that you ended something that was making you miserable, right?

I'm going to assume you've never been through too many break-ups? Sure, in theory it's a relief to cut things off with someone who wronged you. In reality, it's not so easy to get rid of how shitty it feels to bee betrayed, to stop caring for someone you had already become so emotionally invested in, etc..

Well you already stopped carrying about them if you decided to break up. And when it comes to being betrayed, yeah it's shitty and hurtful, but if the decision you made (was making) was hard, that means you were in a doubt if you should leave or stay. The moment I caught my ex fucking that slut, the idea of dumping him and never seeing his face again was the only thing that could make me feel better. So yeah, no way I would have doubts dumping someone who betrayed me like that. Making the decision wasn't hard, what was hard is dealing with the fact that I was cheated on. And yes, you are right, I was usually the dumpee.

I'm sorry to hear you were usually the dumpee. I guess everyone handles break-ups differently. I was cheated on by my ex as well. In no way was that break-up easy though. I'm jealous that you were able to move on so quickly!

Well it took me a year to really move on. The image of him pumping her up while sending me a text how he's at his buddy's playing xbox, was hunting me for ages. They weren't just having sex, I believe he had feelings for her as well, they were going to cinema and were hanging out as friends. I was deeply hating him for sooo long. Not only him, but all man! Took me forever to gain my self-esteem back and to start believing that not all man would do that. But it really did felt good kicking his ass. Then I met this guy (also now ex) who I thought was the one and who broke my fears. Then he broke my heart (I wouldn't be surprised if he also cheated) and now I'm back at low self-esteem and hating all man again. :D And he says how "hard it was for him" oh go fuck yourself!!!

lol agreed. Went similar for me. I was a shell of myself following the cheating ex, met a few guys who also turned out to be major asses. Then went without guys as a whole for over a year. Only when I met my current boyfriend did I realize how much better off I am without the asshole boyfriend, and sort of feel bad for his current girlfriend.It's their loss, they both fucked themselves over (literally :P )!

What Guys Said 7

Maybe you're finding the wrong people, if you don't feel an emotional attachment, or you're getting bored of them, maybe you need someone different and new to really excite you, i'll admit, in the two relationships i've been in (both were when i was quite young) the first one lasted a year and a half, and she Broke it off (she'd cheated twice and felt extremely guilty, but couldn't muster the courage to tell me so she just let it fade when she moved back to Spain) and the other relationship was screwed over entirely by me, i didn't know much about relationships at the time, but i was at a hard life too, so it was a bad idea to ask this girl out, but she broke it off because i stopped being interested in anything (depression cycles, gotta love 'em). so i'll admit i have little or no experience in breaking it off with a girl, but i do know what it feels like to be dumped, and it isn't great, but i admire your methods so far too, because you really are searching for love, and i think you're entirely right to break up if you aren't happy, after all, it's all about happiness, and the want to be with someone

If u don't feel any guilt over leaving then u probably never allowed yourself 2 get attached. I understand if u leave someone its because u prepared yourself for life after them u feel u made a concise decision about moving on. But when u get left by someone have u thought what made them leave? 3 years is a long time and he more them likely loved u. Do even tho he left u made he does miss the good things about u and could b contemplating if it was the right decision. He probably misses the attachment of u. U laughing in his face is like telling him u don't give a shit about him. Try and actually have a legitimate conversation with him annoy what he thinks and see.

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I tried having a conversation he never gave me a real reason all he would say is "I don't know". So being dumped like that, without any closure or a real reason, of course I'm gonna doubt he ever really loved me. What makes people leave just like that? He simply got bored and that was it. It's simple - being with me is worst then being without me. So he made a decision that will make him feel better. So why having a hard time if you know it was the right thing for you? I get that he feels bad for hurting me, but if we put me out of the picture and just look at him, no reason to feel bad about doing the thing that is gonna make you happier, right?

No I don't find it as bullshit. I dumped my ex because I needed to be myself for a while and sort my life out. She had a genuine soft big open heart and was the kindest and most sweetest girl I had ever met. She was devastated when I broke up with her and in pieces. Breaking up with her hurt me too and it hurt even more because I was doing the dumping and I was the one who caused her broken heart.

I guess it all depends on how you were treated by that person. I'd prefer to be the one who is dumped because at least then I wouldn't be the one doing the heart breaking.

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Well you said it yourself, it hurt because you hurt her. But it didn't really YOU to do that, because knowing that you're gonna be by yourself for a while is what you were excited about and the thought of it was making you happy, while the thought of staying with her wasn't making you happy. Can you honestly tell me that it would still "be hard" if she was happy about it?

Also I have to add that my most recent ex dumped me for the same reasons you dumped your ex. At least that's what he said. I wish he gave me more rational and clear reasons. If she was so good and she did nothing wrong, why was being with her stopping you from sorting out your life and being yourself?

Who said being by myself was what I was excited about? It wasn't exciting, it was necessary. The thought didn't make me happy at all because I knew I was going to have to break her heart in order to get there. Of course it wouldn't be hard if she was happy about it. Chances are if she was happy about it then she would've wanted the break up too and she may have been the one who broke up with me. She was so good, and she did nothing wrong. But that doesn't mean everything was smooth. She always wanted to talk, always wanting to spend every single minute of every single day together. I needed space and time with my friends which was limited. I had a job opportunity overseas which I didn't take because I didn't want to leave her alone as she was going through tough times in her own life. I was there for her but then I guess she clung onto me.

So the reason that you broke up wasn't because you needed to sort out your life, but because she was being to needy. Maybe I was too needy too, know knows. Did you told her that? If my ex told me this I would definitely think about my behavior and would stop being that way.

I needed to sort out my life but that became increasingly difficult the more clingy/needy she became. I didn't tell her in so many words. I just said I need to get my life together and sort myself out. Only problem is I don't ever think I'll ever find someone like her.

I think that was a mistake, you should've told her what's the problem, in details. Then in things don't change, then break up. Telling someone "it's me not you" is the worst thing someone can hear, you maybe want to hurt them less but in fact you are making it even worse. I seriously think you rushed into break up. You would be surprised how easily things can be fixed, if only you talked it through.

Depends on why you dump them. Ever dumped someone because your family pretty much threatened you to choose. I have. Ever breakup during a fight and have the other person take that sincerely and never come back (a friend of mine did this). Ever breakup because a future with that person sounded terrifying (my aunt did this after my uncle was paralyzed in a car accident they eventually got back together). Ever breakup with someone you love who cheated on you. You'd think that's an easy decision but it's not at all I know from experience. Not all break ups are simply I don't want you bye. Sometimes there's a lot of external factors that'll push you to leave someone you truthfully really liked.

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I dumped a guy who's family didn't liked me and threatened both of us with serious stuff. His parents were rich and they were paying for his uni and basically everything. They told him they gonna kick him if he continues being with me. But it's not like he didn't have any choice, his grandparents offered him to stay with them and he could've studied a bit harder so he would have good grades and free study (that's how it is in my country). He decided to stay with them and begged me to keep us hidden. I agreed but it was a torture! It just didn't feel right. And then I realized wtf am I doing and what I settling for? He was 28 back that, grown man! But I guess he was just a mama's boy, and realizing that was a turn off. I said that either we be normal couple or it's over, and he said he doesn't want to mess with his parents. So I dumped him. And it felt good. I really was in love with him but I loved me more. And yes, it was as simple as that, I don't want to be with a pussy, bye.

Yes but it was his heart that was torn not yours. The move was easy for you. No one was pressuring you. It was his parents threatening the relationship not yours. My parents were nice but every time I talked with them they spoke of my relationship like some kinda betrayal or they expressed how fearful they were about her family treating me poorly. I had no reason to be mad at them or my ex both just wanted what was best. My ex's family hated me solely because of my ancestory not because of any actions I did. Imagine having a happy relationship surrounded by people who hate you and those who hate the people who hate you and by extension hate your girlfriend. Imagine working for years to fix that. Imagine having total strangers you've never met before actively expressing that they don't like what your doing. Imagine often feeling like the person you care so much is constantly put in danger because of a cultural history that you had nothing to do with. That was my life.

One day the pressure got to me and I broke up with her. We tried getting back together several times but the breakup caused so many issues that it never worked out. You honestly want to tell me that it didn't hurt.

Well I'm not taking about dumpees, I'm talking about dumpers. I'm assuming you were the dumpee, or maybe mutual? Yeah I know that shit is hard giving the circumstances. I'm just talking about when one person wants out but other one doesn't (when it's purely inner decision, without any factors around). Don't see why would it be hard for the person who wants out.

No I was the dumper. And my whole point is you never know what factors go into a person ending things. Usually people don't feel hurt when they do something they're full hearted about. I was sure at the time breaking up with her was the safest thing to do. I didn't like it one bit and it definetly wasn't mutual. She hated me for it at the time. The last time we broke up was different that time I no longer wanted to date her because of completely different reasons it was a hell of a lot easier to walk away from but the time I invested in that relationship still made me feel regretful. Deep down I always wished things would've been different. I'm just saying just because you don't hurt when you end things doesn't mean everyone feels the same. I hate breakups whether I'm the dumper or the dumper. If you truly like a person you hate to see them leave but you don't always want to stay either.

I did want to stay. I made an honest mistake and left. Realized I was wrong and like you she believed I was lying. And that if I truly loved her I wouldn't have left. I was scared. I fucked up and did everything to make things right. I tried for 3 years to get her back but she spent the entire time trying to prove I wasn't playing her. It sucked. She treated me like shit to test how much I actually cared and then blamed me for not wanting to put up with the lies and game playing all because I fucked up and broke her heart. 3 years of trying. It wasn't the same relationship. I loved the girl I left the girl I came back to was manipulative insecure and a liar. But if I had never left she probably wouldn't have changed. So you can say all you want but I know what I fealt.

What Girls Said 3

I think honestly the reason people find it hard at times to dump someone is because they have to live with the idea that they are losing somebody who they once really loved. You lose that person you loved once even though the person you're dumping clearly isn't that person anymore. I think it applies to people who have been together for a long time and also aren't used to being alone, you get used to being with somebody for so long the idea of them no longer being there will be a scary and difficult thing.

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Why would they feel bad about losing someone they ONCE loved? They don't love them anymore, past is gone, so it shouldn't be that hard? And I didn't change at all, I am still the same person I was when he fell in love with me and was planing a future with me. So it's not me.

I totally agree with you. it sounds rough, but I think he wants to stay friends because he knows you'll miss him and he'll try to fuck. if he was your boyfriend that long, he was thinking about breaking up for a long time.