All signs point to there being a South Beach party tonight thanks to LeBron James. Because there ain’t no party like a South Beach party. No, seriously. There isn’t.

But what if LeBron is not going to Miami? What if this was all an elaborate smoke screen? What if he just walks up the podium and changes his mind?

Stranger things have happened. Like the Baha Men winning a Grammy for “Who Let the Dogs Out.”

So if not Miami, then where? Here’s the other contenders, distant though they may be.

Cleveland: There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. Just ask Dorothy. But more than the pull of home, there’s the pull of cold hard cash. Cleveland can offer more money than any other team — one additional year and about $28 million more total. That’s a lot of green. Plus, this team does not suck — they won 61 games last year. So he can stay home, earn more and compete. That’s not a bad deal at all.

New York: The bright lights inspire him. So would playing with Amare Stoudemire. James has a fascination with New York that is understandable. If he wins in New York he is forever a hero. His legacy is set. He can resurrect one of the great franchises of the game. That is a lot to feed his already massive ego.

Chicago: In pure basketball terms, this is the best place to be, come here and this team instantly is the best in the East and a threat to the Lakers. They have Derrick Rose at the point, Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah along the front line, plus Luol Deng and Taj Gibson ready to go. Plus Chicago is another great place to win. MJ will confirm that.

It’s all tempting. But LeBron seems to have settled on the South Beach entree.

I hope the Bulls don’t get him. Take that money and sign a bunch of good players, including shooting guard. Put Bull’s 8-9-10 players up against the 3 Stooges and any other team in the NBA…my money on the Bulls. It’s still a 5-man game.
Unless, of course, they change the rules for the 3 Stooges.

ESPN: OK, back from commercial. Joining us now is Pat Riley.
RILEY: See all my pretty rings!
DWADE: I get the ball the last 5 mintues of the game.
LBJ: No…my Brand says I get the ball the entire 4th Quarter.
Bosh: ME ME ME!!!!!
Riley: Lookit my rings!!!!!
Bosh: ME ME ME!!!
LBJ/DWade/Riley: Shut UP, Bosh.
–cut to another commercial–

Who cares? In the scheme of importance, my son’s in Afganistan, 5th deployment, USMC. Wade, Bosh, Lebron are one knee injury away from sitting on a stoop drinking 40’s for the rest of their lives; unlike them, my son’s making a difference.