I am a mother first and foremost . I have many children , one of whom has profound learning difficulties. this is my chance to express how life with him works...or doesn't!!

Sunday, 24 April 2016

am I dreaming??

So...I was Parent on Duty this morning. I had heard Jboy and had gone to him and was sorting him out when M poked me gently and said,'The Boy is awake'...weird!!! I had been dreaming that I had heard him and gone to him whereas in fact I was still cosy and snug in my bed. It was a most bizarre sensation. I had had a similar experience when Jboy was a baby and newly home from hospital. We had had lessons on baby resuscitation (scary) and Jboy was issued with an apnoea monitor which ,if you are fortunate enough never to have come across ,is an instrument which told us when/if he stopped breathing. This was taped permanently to his little body and went everywhere with us. Once, I was walking home from school through the park with the Three when all of a sudden there was an alarming beep from within the pram. It was one of those old fashioned upright type prams that someone had kindly given us. I ripped off the covers, heart pounding with fear while trying to maintain a calm front for the Three and exposed the poor wee chap to see if he was still with us or not. He was, The monitor had merely become detached.
I digress.... the awake/asleep episode was another weird moment...Jboy had the small room next to ours and one night I heard the sinister beeping from his room. I was completely exhausted (no change there then!!) and thought I had got out of bed and was with him in his room when I became aware that the beeping was still going on and I hadn't got out of bed at all..I was still there. I was now in a panic that I had left it too long and that he might really have stopped breathing so I got out of bed and ran to his room. The beeping continued because I hadn't actually woken that time either....when, eventually I really DID wake up and really DID get to his room...the monitor had become detached and all was well with the Boy. It reminds me of the film with Leonardo di Caprio about dreams and levels of dreams possibly called Inception...I just didn't know what was real and what wasn't. Weird. M can actually wake himself up if he is having a bad dream. How does he know???? Dreams and sleep are interesting,..sometimes I have very busy dreams and wake up exhausted...sometimes I have lovely dreams and wake up all calm and serene. But I am not aware that I am dreaming, or if I am ,I am not aware that I am aware......or maybe it's just me. Oh well. All's well that end's well etc
The End