Disney recently released a trailer for its latest live-action movie remake; this time, the entertainment company is remaking “A Goofy Movie.” The sure-to-be blockbuster will star none other than Rev. JayJay I. Jaykins, C.S.C. as the main character, Max. Fr. Jaykins scored the role with no previous acting experience after a generous donation of 60% of the University of Notre Dame’s endowment.…

While most students enjoyed or even celebrated the recent solar eclipse, this astronomical event has devastated the squirrel population. As of Monday’s eclipse, public health leaders of Notre Dame’s squirrel community have reported rates of blindness as high as 47%.

The full opening of the Campus Crossroads project, originally set to open in spring 2018, has now been delayed by 60 years. Duncan Student Center, Corbett Family Hall and O’Neill Hall will remain closed for the duration of the school year, according to representatives of the project.

So I did it. God posed me a challenge, and just like the time with the yogurt, I rose to meet it. I’d like to see a stupid bead of light best me. Ha! It didn’t. And when the time came and all those birds flew in front of the sun, I lifted my naked eyes and beheld it.

Shortly after Rev. JayJay I. Jaykins, C.S.C.’s announcement that Vice President Mark Pencil would be speaking at the class of 2017’s commencement, an online petition began circulating to reverse the decision and rescind Pencil’s invitation.