Tag Archives: Spiritually bypassing

In recent years, the spiritual community has adopted the concept of “Twin Flames” and made it a common focal point for discussion and estimation of the success of one’s life and level of happiness. The Twin Flame concept is essentially a re-branded version of Soul Mates.

With the intention of ever becoming more fully conscious beings – is this something we can accurately believe in and pursue?

Is it true that for each person there is one other being, either physical or non physical (and isn’t that a tragedy if your Twin Flame didn’t incarnate this time around….) that is perfectly attuned for partnership and cosmic, enlightened love?

Often explanations of the Twin Flame idea include an assertion that prior to incarnation, one soul was actually split into two and put into separate bodies. Is this even possible? Let’s examine the concept and see.

For many in the Lightworker, Starseed, New Age community, there is a desire to continue on a path of purposeful, conscious, soul evolution. This is not a novel idea – the same basic thought was expressed by Jesus when he spoke of the Kingdom of Heaven, a place of thought and feeling originating within each person rather than a physical location, as well as by Buddha when he spoke of a state of Enlightenment.

Over the course of physical incarnations, with the various lifetimes experienced by a soul or group of souls varying in length, location, and experience, one accumulates and synthesizes events, emotions, and energetic/thought patterns in order to evolve a soul (which can also be thought of as a sentient non-physical energy pattern) by the learning that happens through varied experience.

So where does this leave the Twin Flame theory?

What are Twin Flames?

If you do a simple internet search on Twin Flames, you are likely to find a plethora of information in articles and videos that is highly romantic and sometimes heartbreaking, singing the praises (sometimes literally) of the experience of a deep, connected, “only-one-out-there-for-me” romantic love. You will see that Twin Flames are often described as one soul that has been broken apart into two pieces and incarnated into two different physical bodies, neither of which able to feel complete until they have reconnected with each other and fallen in love.

This hearkens back to the idea of the Soul Mate – one person, somewhere on the globe (often conveniently in the same country or at least speaking the same language) that is “meant” to be in romantic love with another.

The concept of Soul Mates, and now Twin Flames, is usually accompanied by a bittersweet feeling of intense longing and a sort of pleading with the Universe –
“Please bring my Twin Flame to me.”

“I cannot continue my evolution as a soul in joy and completeness until I find that perfect love.”
“I can feel my Twin Flame out there – where is she/he?”
“I am in love. Could this be my Twin Flame?”

The latter question is asked with the unspoken assumption that if this person actually is the Twin Flame, then the relationship should be perfect, and if she or he is not the Twin Flame, then the relationship is doomed.

Are Twin Flames Real?

To begin, the general concept of Twin Flames leaves out one very important piece of information regarding what an incarnation lived on this planet actually is. The school of Gaia, which we are each now experiencing because of our presence on this planet at all, is one of balance, the completion of the duality paradigm, and, now more than ever, attaining a grasp of the effortless skill of perfect manifestation and creation of life experiences through focus, balanced thought, the energetic pattern of abundance, and self-care.

Every experience had by any person in any lifetime is brought for the purpose of learning and evolution.

These experiences are not always beautiful and easy – in fact, the majority of lessons are learned through pain historically – but as a soul learns to attain a level of conscious creation, life experiences become more harmonious. This is a logical progression, because if the goal is conscious creation, then things would obviously feel more smooth and pleasant as this goal comes closer to being reached.

Beginning with the idea that we all experience exactly what we need in order to learn and that our goal is to become cognizant of our state as creators and skilled at the act of creating, then it would not make sense that one external human (or non-human as the case may be, there are MANY beliefs about this subject) is floating around somewhere, waiting to be discovered.

Beginning with the idea that we all experience exactly what we need in order to learn and that our goal is to become cognizant of our state as creators and skilled at the act of creating, then it would not make sense that one external human (or non-human as the case may be, there are MANY beliefs about this subject) is floating around somewhere, waiting to be discovered.

How Does Love Work?

The energy of love is much like the energy of financial abundance, a.k.a. money. The creation of experiences of love, in the creation’s energetic matrix, is much like the creation pattern needed when manifesting experiences of bountiful financial abundance.

This often means that if the state of “not enough” is focused on and fed emotion, then the abundance option is pushed away.

If you long for your love, thinking about how unhappy you are until you find them, you are likely pushing that love away. This is completely unrelated to whether this love is possible with one person or a thousand people.

If you long for financial abundance and focus on your empty bank account, giving it thought and emotion, then you are pushing abundance away – whether that abundance comes from only one option of a job or career, or many options.

If you focus on the pure enjoyment of your life, within the parameters you have but without thinking of your lack, then the abundance of love, money, or both will find you.

If you enjoy your own company and the company of friends, you are much more likely to emit a vibration to the Universe that will attract an experience of beautiful romantic love, which will of course bring its own challenges.

If you work within your budget and make it a point to have experiences that feel decadent whether or not they cost any money at all, it is much more likely that you will draw in the experience of enough money to pay for whatever experience you wish to have.

The difficult thing about this idea is that it is impossible to prove after the fact. I know a lovely couple made up of an American man and a German woman who had a very interesting internet-based meeting. He had just bought a new computer and installed a chat program. She had just gotten the idea that she needed to practice her English language fluency by chatting with someone online.

Ten minutes after he opened up his chat window for the first time, she randomly picked his name off of a list of English speakers to introduce herself to in order to practice her English. Just after their meeting and short conversation, she went on a business trip and he was too busy to log on to the internet again for weeks. The next time he logged on, she had just returned from her business trip. They met again. Now they live in Virginia, married with three delightful children.

Some would argue that this experience proves the Twin Flame idea with the caveat that no matter where your Twin Flame lives, you will meet him or her when the time is right.

But perhaps a more accurate way to look at this is that if you are ready vibrationally to experience love, then love will find you and has an infinite amount of possible way to appear in your realm of experience.

So What is the Real Way to Think of Love?

We are each a being holding a unique energetic signature. We create our reality through our planned lessons (often prior to incarnation) combined with the belief systems and energetic/vibrational patterns we currently hold as physical beings with unique life histories.

So with this truth in mind, we can look at the surrounding population of eligible romantic partners and see logically that some subset of these available individuals will be compatible in their energetic signatures, belief systems, and life circumstances for romantic partners.

It is true that we often make agreements with members of our soul pod, or family, prior to incarnating about the parameters of any given relationship that occurs between us in our lifetime.

However, this is not a helpful thought when thinking of romantic love and attempting to draw it in.

The most clean and effective way to view this experience is by isolating our own energetic pattern regarding romance that we are projecting to the Universe and that is therefore being presented back to us as experience.

Do we believe that we need a relationship with another being in order to feel fulfilled? It is likely that if we do, we will attract relationship patterns that disprove this theory via heartbreak and possibly betrayal until we change the projecting pattern we are emanating.

Do we believe that we easily find love and each relationship serves as a learning experience and an opportunity to grow love and compassion? If so, it is likely that we will have a more harmonious romantic life – although the rigid grasp that many people have on an idea of “one love only per lifetime” is being disproven often these days. And just because one finds love, this does not mean that the challenge is over.

The lessons learned in the most intensely loving and connected relationships are some of the most challenging in an incarnation – romantic love is an energetic opportunity to learn in infinite ways, but these are always tempered and shaped by our beliefs and our level of self-love.

If we choose to accept only the best, it is likely that increasingly better experiences will present themselves to us. If we have a problem with spiritual bypass or denial, then it is likely that our experiences will become progressively more painful until we wake up, stop bypassing and denying, and honestly look at our belief system around our worthiness as individuals.

Every being on this planet deserves love. This of course includes you. And the more fully you believe this, the more beautiful your loves will be – both romantic and platonic.

The fairy tale idea of the Twin Flame is incorrect and misleading. However, the truth is much more beautiful and open. If you are waiting for love, then begin to emanate love – for yourself, for your friends, and for your loved ones. Love will come to you. And there does not need to be one person somewhere in the world to search out – the experience will appear before you, effortlessly.

Charis Melina Brownserves as an ambassador to realms of existence that our modern Western culture has denied the existence of in recent centuries.

She carries an MA in Transpersonal Psychology, and is the author of two books, Journal of a Starseed: Discovering the Real World, andInstruction of a Starseed.She is a regular contributor for our Starseedcorner at Chakra Center.

Charis has a beautiful website and YouTube channel, sharing all things blissful and metaphysical. Check her out at the following links:

There seems to be this belief floating around the “spiritual” community that feeling any emotion other than happiness and joy is somehow “wrong.”

It’s as if we’ve taken the Law of Attraction to be another kind of All Knowing, Judging God. Only now the sin is any emotion outside the realm of Pollyanna thinking and over-stretching optimism. While I certainly feel that joy is our most natural state, bypassing pain is not the way to get there. Remember the age-old adage: “what you resist persists.” Yet it seems after all we’ve learned through understanding how the Universe works, the message we have bought into is this: Ignore pain. Ignore suffering. Just be happy.

I noticed this heavily after the shooting in Sandy Hook Elementary. My normally very vocal and active spiritual community online was surprisingly silent. Only a few people (I noticed) said anything at all. The same people who make an online ruckus over a moon cycles and how important love is, were barely able to give a nod to the atrocity of the events on Friday.

I even noticed this struggle in my own heart. My first response was “turn it off. Don’t give it any energy.” It was as if we are afraid that to look at the suffering of those in Connecticut, because to look at it means we are choosing it to be our reality.

The concept of “we are all one” seems to go out the window when those aspects of us that are in incredible pain take a more public platform. It’s like we all wanted to pretend that that atrocity was caused by someone else’s low vibration, not ours, and to acknowledge it at all is to give it a presence in our lives that may perhaps reveal our own shadows. Or perhaps it makes us look “unspiritual,” because, after all, the truly enlightened have no emotional reaction to anything because they “know” the higher reality. Right?

This is why I disagree:

You can never truly heal if you don’t go THROUGH the emotion – bypassing is not healing. And healing is not the same as ignoring. Choosing to focus on sending love to those who are suffering is not the same as focusing on the atrocity.

Focusing on pain or tragedy seems to strike fear in the heart of many light workers, dreading that “terrible” event of a “lowered vibration.” And to be fair, it is certainly easy to get pulled into the drama of tragic events if we’re not careful to stay present to our hearts while facing the pain.

But it is possible to face pain and hold a space of love while keeping your vibration high. It’s called transmutation. And it the foundation of all healing. In fact, it’s the foundation of our light-work, is it not?

True healing is not bypassing the pain, it’s going right into it with love and compassion. This step can’t be skipped. It’s impossible to heal without it.

Holding a space of love for the suffering of others and our own “shadows,” is not the same as ignoring suffering all together. Like it or not, pain DOES still exist in this world. There is still a shadow…and that shadow will grow bigger if it is not faced in love, validated, and healed.

If life has taught me anything, it is that ignoring a problem does not make it go away. Grief is necessary for true healing. In fact, grief can be a truly liberating and freeing emotion.

After my mom died, I didn’t grieve for years – I just simply didn’t know how. But pretending I was okay didn’t work. No matter how hard I tried to be happy, somewhere deep inside me desperately ached, and by not giving that pain validation, it grew.

We are all called to walk that delicate line between acceptance/surrender and resistance/despair. Bypassing the work of healing all together is the root of suffering . If we refuse to face our shadow, it will find a way to get our attention – and the more we ignore it, the bigger it gets.

Just look at the man who instigated the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary – he was clearly suffering from unhealed aspects of his own shadow. And I’ll be bold enough to say that by ignoring the suffering of these people (who are other aspects of ourselves), we are perpetuating the same problem that caused these deaths to begin with.

What happened in Connecticut is not a reflection of somebody else “out there”; it’s a reflection of ALL OF US, because we are not separate from these people. Whether we choose to look at it or not, the suffering of the families in Connecticut (and around the world) affect us. It is our suffering. And these sufferings will continue to affect us until we embrace true healing. If someone else is hurting, we all are hurting. There is no way around it.

It strikes me as odd that the very people claiming love is the only answer, are unsure of what to do when people are in need of it. By choosing to ignore the pain and suffering of those in Connecticut, we are choosing to ignore our own shadow.

And I don’t just mean the “victims’’” pain, but also the man who inflicted it. Yes, he too is a reflection of all of us, and we have to face this. Hating him will not heal anyone, anymore than ignoring him will make him go away.

It’s time to come to terms with who and what we truly are. We must embrace all aspects of ourselves. We are not in this alone. We are not separate from those people suffering in Connecticut or Darfur or Iraq. It may seem far removed from us, but it’s still there, and it is desperate for validation, love, and healing.

I cannot speak for the majority of light workers, this is just what I experienced on Friday: near silence, a few nods of acknowledgement, and several philosophical, New Age babble about how it is all meant to be – how these kids created their reality and in some “higher perspective” out there it’s all good. And that’s all fine and well, but the fact of the matter still exist: these people are hurting. Like it or not, that is our global reality.

I know all of my fellow light workers are powerful healers, with deep empathic abilities and loving intentions for the transformation of this world. So where was the love on Friday? Why aren’t we bonding together to meditate and send healing to these people? I’m still trying to figure that one out.

I once posted a blog on Chakra Center about hugging trees and to-date it’s had more views, feedback and shares than any other article I’ve posted on this site, even more than my call out for a meditation of love for the people in the Sandy Hook Elementary school tragedy.

Light workers! What’s with the silence? It is in times like these when your love and powerful abilities are needed most. It is in deep suffering that people need to know they are not alone. In order for pain to heal, it must first be validated, then we must do our best to surround them with the love within us.

We should never let a problem to be solved, a fear of “low vibration,” or any “New Age” belief become more important than a person to be loved.