McObesity, McResearch & Deterrents…

Technically & legally no, I am not licensed to practice medicine in any Commonwealth Country with the exception of Australia where anything goes… but really, can I let something as trivial as that stop me… People – medicine is not always pretty or safe or even particularly reliant on smart – sometimes the way to uncover smart is to wade through dumb and only then are you able to make the leap – light the spark – uncover the magic…. and it’s what I do….

I decided to unearth the correlation between McDonalds and the epidemic sweeping our society….

I found McDonald’s staff were failing to warn patrons of the dangers of a high cholesterol, nutritionally deficient diet, increasing the risk of weight-challenged customers damaging their health and developing serious diseases such as facial acne, genital warts, club footism and telelepsy — or couch potato syndrome as it is more commonly known.

The Very Large Consumers Association, which carried out the undercover research, confirm that the results emphasize the urgent need for tighter regulations of the fast food industry. Specially selected researchers with type 1 obesity; characterized as heavy smokersweighing over 300 pounds, with day old Maple donut coloured hair and chronic chocolate or Peach Schnapps addiction, visited 42 fast food outlets across their respective countries in May of last year. Each researcher ordered a triple meat, Big Mac meal with extra fries, a party-sized milkshake and a bucket of McFlurries for desert. Female researchers then asked Staff three key questions: ‘Will this make me fat, is this a nutritionally-balanced meal and does my ass look big in these jeans?’ Male researchers skipped the last question, except those who were gay, who asked if they should wax more often.

Women with type 1 obesity are among those at highest risk of developing obesity-related disorders due to their high cholesterol levels, insatiable greed, low self-esteem, poor sex drive, facial hair and obesity. Nevertheless, 40 out of the 42 outlets visited said they would allow a woman with type 1 obesity to buy a Big Mac — or even a triple Cheeseburger with a side order of McMuffins and fries.

The results of this study once tabulated and analyzed mean absolutely nothing, in a scientific way. Often one must push past the initial findings in order to find the hidden, deeper meaning and that was where I found it…. not in the statistics, not in the data, not in the faces of the eager assistants who dedicated their lives to me and the cause. I found the most convincing evidence yet to stay away from McDonalds – studies show people learn and remember things better when they have a visual to go with it… so here I give you a visual learning aid and allow you fine people to make your own decisions……..