Wrestling Wrap Up: CM Punk Fears Ryback

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Plus, Jim Ross gets appreciated, Ryback nearly kills a dude, Daniel Bryan has a great beard and...will Cena show up at Hell in a Cell?

By Matt Fowler

With the addition of WWE Main Event to Wednesday nights, making the number of days I watch wrestling on a non-PPV week now officially outnumber the days I don't watch wrestling, I expect to be in a bit of a "mood" next week. But for now, it's all rainbows and glittercorn out my ass. Sorry I missed our regularly scheduled Wrap Up appointment last week. I was up in Vancouver (V-Couvz, as the Canadian hipsters, aka Flashpointers, say) visiting the sets of some WB shows like Supernatural and Fringe and stuff. So no, I didn't get to write about the very special week that Kane and Daniel Bryan had, which included bonding over chair shots on Smackdown and a When Harry Mey Sally Yes!-gasm on RAW. But on the upside, I did get to run into my old boss, Jessica Lucas, on the set of the new show Cult! That's right, a callback to a dumb joke from a Wrap Up from two years ago. My hilariousness is limitless.

So what's there to talk about now? Smackdown didn't contain much this week as Daniel Bryan and Kane didn't take over the show like they did last time. All they did was recap each and every Team Hell No! segment from RAW. Speaking of which, last week's RAW also had that poll to name the Kaniel team. Of which, sadly, "Kaniel" was not a part. It was clear from the early results that Hell No! was going to win out in the end, but I have to admit, I was rooting for Team Teamwork. Yes, it came in dead last, with Team Friendship's second place finish still obliterating it, but there was something so slapdash and perversely lazy about Team Teamwork that I wanted it to stick around. I wish others had my dumb brain.

Anyhow, aside from Kaniel getting a big spotlight, which even included taking over John Cena's spot on RAW last night in the Main Event segment, the bigger news is Ryback getting pushed up into face to puss confrontations with Punk. Which I don't think any of us is a fan of. Sure, Ryback gets cheers from the live crowds. He's a person. And those in the audience who weren't around, or weren't cognitive, during Goldberg's run might think this is all fresh and new. But are we really thinking that Ryback might, sooner than later, upset Punk for the WWE Championship? There's already a theory going around that he might sub for Cena at Hell in a Cell if Cena isn't ready. Because if Cena isn't able to work at the PPV, they could have him show up, get attacked backstage by Punk, and then have Ryback sub in.

*fart noise*

But would they jeopardize Punk vs Rock at this point? Is it worth it to try and create lighting in a bottle with the gross, nauseating, human blister Ryback? A guy who's green and unsafe. Who can't work a match that goes longer than three minutes? I know, it's worked before. Goldberg was just as green and just as stiff. But at least he wasn't, you know, vile. At least he didn't come to the ring looking like a bratwurst about to burst. With eye infections and head scars. All coupled with a dyspeptic gimmick about eating people and digesting them. So is the WWE willing to sacrifice Punk to Ryback? Or Ryback's streak to Punk? The silver lining here is that Ryback has won matches via DQ and countout already. So that "clean" win streak is tarnished. So he's not a full-Goldberg. But what happened to Ryback going after Miz and the IC Title? I sort of expected him to take on Miz this week, after beating him on the last RAW. Even Goldberg followed the proper route to the World Title.