Thursday, April 23, 2009

Things are pretty stressful right now. I'm back in classes, which is really hard, because there are no good choices here and it's really hard to find time to pack lunches. I had a hot dog and some hash browns for lunch. Only ate, oh, maybe a 1/4th cup of the hash browns. I keep telling myself I'm at least making the best choices I can with what's given. That's part of the struggle.

I haven't been on the scale in a few days. I've kind of hit a plateau after my fill. I'm at 31 pounds down and I haven't been getting further.

It's funny. I had a cupcake the other day and found I couldn't eat it because it was way too sweet for me. I've gotten so use to not having the sweets that they aren't desirable anymore.

And on that note, I'm in love with Skinny Cow ice cream products. I bought these ice cream bars that have chocolate on them and they're the size of a typical popsicle. They're 80 calories with 3 grams of fat and AMAZING. I'm a big fan of ice cream and this hits the spot. It's also great, since they're prepackaged, I don't have to worry about over indulging.

But I think part of the plateau is really the stress lately. It's not a good thing, but it'll pass. This is the first down time I've had in a few days and it's only because I have a break between classes, which I'm using to catch up on emails and such.

I might go sit outside for awhile, since it's so nice out. Just under two hours until class and I don't know what to do with myself. I'll figure it out eventually.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I decided to go to the caf at school, since there are SOME options I can have. Got a small salad with a hard boiled egg and a few french fries. It was my 'treat' of the day, I wanted the potatoes over everything else they serve on campus, because it's all crap. Apparently, the universe wanted to teach me a lesson. And what is that lesson, you may ask. Well, don't eat dry potatoes OR hard boiled eggs.

I threw up onto my plate.

No one saw me.

But I put my tray on the dirty dish racks and RAN out of there.

I thought I was going to cry. I almost did.

School's the last place I want to have a problem. I was trying to be good. I was trying to eat the right things and it backfires.

Also learned over the past week that stringy meat, cooked spinach, and shrimp are not things to frequent.

I had my first fill yesterday. I don't want to get into how incompetent the hospital support staff is, because I don't want to get upset again, but they really ruined my day.

But anyway. I got my first fill. And I have to say, it was really neat to do the barium study under the x-ray. I can't even begin to tell you how cool it was to see the way my stomach is now processing food. It was almost like a funnel. The stuff went in, and then slowly dripped through the band.

I was fine at first. I met a friend for breakfast after my fill, got a little quiche and it went down fine. Went to dinner with my Mom, everything went down fine. I was amazed. I was expecting to have more problems.

Well, around 9, I'm having a little of my leftovers, and part of a piece of shrimp did not get chewed properly. I could feel it as soon as I swallowed. And it was painful. So I had a few sips of water, and it dislodged it enough for me to throw it back up without too much pain. It was pretty funny, almost like in the movies when someone's choking, and it comes FLYING out of the persons mouth. That was this.

Then today, I had just gotten home around 4:30. I hadn't eaten breakfast. So I was hungry. Not REALLY hungry, but hungry enough. I sat down with some low-fat cheese and some prosciutto. Apparently the prosciutto just is way to stringy for me to eat anymore. It got stuck again - I could feel it. So I took a few sips of water, and then throw up the water, but not the meat. It gradually went down, which made me feel better. I thought I was going to die. Really. I don't like that feeling. No one does.

I figure, at least I'm learning. Neither experience was THAT bad, I've heard about it taking hours to unstick things. I'd rather learn my lesson from a small experience like this, than something big and really painful.

But I'm glad I'm feeling a good amount of restriction. That makes me really happy. I still feel mentally hungry, but that's something I really need to work on. I feel satisfied in my stomach, but my brain keeps telling me to keep eating, that it wasn't enough. I'm working on it.

Oh! And yesterday, at dinner with my Mom, we had shared a meal. I didn't have much at all, and this was the first time anyone had really commented on it. The waitress was worried that there was something wrong with it - I just explained to her the truth, that I couldn't eat much, but that it was delicious.

I've been shopping for clothes. Kohl's had some great clearance stuff, and so I'm stocking up for the future. I got a pair of really nice pants, size 14, for 4 dollars. They're going in my stash. If I see something I really like that's smaller, I'm buying it, if it's cheap enough. Stock pilling so there isn't too much to buy later. It's my plan. And pants like that aren't going to go out of style.

Also bought myself a pair of new flip-flops, since I'm almost to 30 pounds. 2 more to go until I'm all the way there. They're the nice ones, from Adidas, with the smooshy padding. I wanted something better than the ones I usually buy at Old Navy and make my feet hurt.