A woman embarks upon a relentless pursuit of her dreams... these are her "letters from the inside."

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Pick Me! Pick Me!

Remember those games we used to play in school at recess? We would line up across the lawn in a long row and wait anxiously to be called. We were at the mercy of the person choosing the teams and I never much cared for this routine. How lame do you have to feel just standing there, waiting to be chosen? Pick Me, Pick Me, Pick Me... Those are the words I would chant under my breath while standing at attention.

I was the name usually chosen midway. Especially if it was Dodgeball. The team captains always sized me up and chose the bigger, tougher kids first. I was just girly enough to be called into question... Every. Damn. Day. You're gonna make me just stand there at the mercy of the other team?? Really?? Didn't I prove my athletic abilities at lunch yesterday??
Regardless, I would stand and wait for my name to be called just like everyone else. The worst part was getting into the bottom three. I'm pretty sure this only happened a few times, when the team captain was my ex boyfriend from third grade. Catch up everyone, we were in fifth grade now, and he is on some kind of power trip.

So I'd wait...

Day after Day, the process would start all over again; and in one way or another would continue throughout the course of my life. High School dances, Equestrian competitions, college crew races and post grad job hunting all left me with that similar feeling of hoping to be the chosen one. Pick Me, Pick Me, Pick Me.

Perhaps that is why so many people fresh out of college are in such a rush to nail down a spouse, a home, a career and a family; the feeling of standing in line, hoping to hear your name called is simply exhausting after so many years. So you declare yourself team captain and decide that there is no more waiting around. Hmmmm...I wonder...

As for me, I've rather grown accustomed to repeating the words 'Pick Me' silently to myself over and over again. As I watch the Emmys, the Academy Awards and various Special Bonus Features on my favorite films or television series, all I can think of is how badly I want to be chosen to play with them.

The actors, screenwriters, producers and directors all run around the set, playing tricks on each other and are having a blast. They are living the life I have dreamt of since as long as I can remember. And I just want for them to call my name more than anything.

Pick Me!!!!!! Pick Me!!!!!!!! Pick MEEEE!!!!!
I want so badly to join their team. It is what motivates me to keep writing each day. It is my way of sending a message in a bottle every morning, hoping that one day my name will be called to come out and play. To write, direct, act, produce... please, one day... pick me!!
Today: