Friday, December 24, 2010

"My internal masculine and feminine selves show respect and appreciation for each other."

Daily Thought for Tuesday, March 10, 2009
by Master Djwhal Khul

The yin and the yang in balance and harmony with each other, is the key to great health. The yin, the feminine, being the stillness, the resting, the quiet, is utterly important for our physical, mental and emotional rejuvenation. It's about being present with ourselves, and going within to hear that "still, small voice", which sometimes isn't so small, especially the longer we ignore it. The feminine is our intuitive aspect, the receptivity of the Divine. Often in our society, and maybe many others, people do not go to this place of stillness, of receptivity, of rejuvenation so that they can have the energy they need for the yang, or masculine aspects of their lives: the activity, the expression, the action, the sharing with others, the creativity. If there is too much doing, and not enough being, then there is imbalance. I find this often in my practice, and it can be felt in a person's pulses. This can result in taking action where the action may not be so Divinely inspired and not coming from the most heart-centered place possible, thus causing more problems than creative solutions.

The opposite is also seen in practice and in life. Where there's plenty of stillness and intuition coming through, but no action being taken upon it. This can lead to stagnation and illness, both physical and emotional. I often feel in the pulses of my patients an oppressive energy that weighs down the vibrancy of the true pulse. I translate this into the energy of not taking action on something that needs taking action. The patient often knows what it is because they are so intuitive, and that's not where the energy is stuck. Sometimes they do not know because the energy is so stuck, and once it gets flowing again through their taking action in some part of their lives, then life overall begins to flow and they can make good, heart-centered decisions.

The perfect balance and flow is when the Divinely guided intuitive "hit" comes through, and we can express it and take action on it immediately. No questioning "what if, yeah but, if only..." just take action. Then we are in the flow of Life and this is the masculine taking taking action respecting the feminine intuition and stillness. It is also the feminine appreciating the ability of the masculine to take action.

There is much to be appreciated about the masculine and feminine being in good communication and mutually respecting each others importance. This can require a fair amount of Trust. Trust that our intuitive hits are truly coming from a higher place, and trusting that our taking action is for our greatest good. I think it's also about life being a place where we can try these things, lean into them, and see where they take us. This may seem risky, especially at first, but the more the inner masculine and feminine cooperate the more easily life flows.

This is often, or maybe even always, demonstrated through our relationships. We attract those who provide balance for us. For example, when I was young and newly married, I was the ultimate yin, or feminine and nurturing , aspect with very little of the masculine; whereas my husband at the time was the epitomy of the masculine, the breadwinner, the decision-maker, As I grew older, and more into myself, and embraced more of my masculine, which for me meant expressing my unique self, and trying to take action on those things that were important to me, this gave him an opportunity to look at and embrace the qualities of his feminine and receptive, nurturing side so that we could once again balance each other at this new level. Unfortunately, my masculine appeared to be too challenging for his hidden feminine, and at the time he wasn't willing to go there, so instead of growing together, we grew apart. I took my new level of feminine/masculine balance, or relative imbalance, out into the world of relationship, with interesting results.

There have been many shifts and changes over the years with my goal of being more balanced in my feminine and masculine aspects, and honoring both. I feel I've gotten myself to a good place. I am able to live an intuitive life, and can take action or express myself accordingly. I don't know what this means relationship-wise, since I am not currently in one that will mirror my level of balance of my inner feminine and masculine, but I look forward to finding out and seeing where my inner feminine and masculine might need more attention in mutual respect and appreciation.

Many Blessings to All of You, You Wonderful Beings of the Inner Feminine and Masculine!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Spring 2008
The other day my sister brought my awareness to a commercial that she'd seen on CNN. I don't watch television or read the newspaper, making the choice to divert my attention elsewhere, in more positive endeavors.

The commercial she saw described a "star" that we on this planet will be able to see both day and night, and that this star is significant, and to call a 1-800 number for more information.
When she told me about this I felt an uneasy knot in my stomach, and asked her for more information. She realized that she could rewind to the commercial and get the number. With that I Googled the number and arrived at several blogs and discussion posts regarding this very commercial that had also been an ad in the Wall Street Journal.

The short version is that this "star" to be seen is the planet Venus, which will be bright enough at the end of March, 2009, to be seen both during the day and in the night. From there, opinions diverge completely as to what meaning there is about this event. Apparently it is the arrival of Lord Maitreya. And, depending on the source of the discussion group, the arrival of Lord Maitreya either signifies the arrival of the Anti-Christ, and is to be feared and avoided, or might actually be the answer to our prayers for Peace on the planet and is to be embraced with open hearts and arms. On one of the discussion groups convinced this is the Anti-Christ, there was a long list of pictures of the Anti-Christ, and many of them are Ascended Masters, if not all.
The Ascended Masters have been speaking to us, as have the benevolent extra-terrestrials, and showing us the way to our own intuitions and guiding our lives by our hearts. Interestingly, as we discover what is contained within the Gnostic Gospels, the Book of Mary, the Book of Thomas, and others, which were not included with the other books in the Bible, the message there is to trust your own intuition and to follow your heart in the land of discerning Good vs. Evil.

So, I can see how those who follow their interpretation of the Bible as it is written might see the coming of the spiritual and consciousness masters as a threat or an "anti-Christ", or against the Christ as they know Christ.
It seems to me that the Second Coming of Christ is already upon us, and that is that each individual is opening to their Christ center within themselves and raising to higher Christ-like frequencies. They are opening to their God-selves, and sharing love in a way our planet has not yet seen, except through brief examples in the energy of Jesus Christ. This is definitely not out of fear of the wrath of an angry God, but out of Love for God and Love for all of life and for the greater conscious awareness and evolution on this planet.

If indeed this is the marking of the arrival of "Lord Maitreya", which could easily be simply a higher vibration of existence, then may we all tap into our own knowing and connection with the Divine and know, without a doubt, how we are to respond. It seems apparent that the response will be clearly either one of fear or one of Love, and it is up to each individual's path of how each will respond. And it is also up to each individual's path to chose without judging others' choices on their paths. For those on a conscious path it is a reminder, whether something happens in March or not, to continually endeavor to choose Love in all circumstances, to contemplate and act on the most loving response in all interactions and with all sentient beings, regardless of their individual paths.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

It seems I have so much going on, all good and transitional, and yet, I feel as though I have all of this time on my hands. I have set many things in motion... selling my house, applying to pharmacy school, raising children, continuing to practice acupuncture, editing books, writing books, signing up for pre-requisite classes. Maybe it's the balance of yin and yang. Yang being the activity, take action, and Yin being the calm stillness, nurturing and replenishing. In my practice I am aware that there are many who are not comfortable with doing nothing, relaxing, taking care of themselves. They feel they must always be doing something. I do know that for now I need to be enjoying this "downtime" as much as possible, because once pharmacy school begins, everything will shift. Well, perhaps, maybe I'm in training...

It took so much action to get my house in condition to put on the market. I think it has sat there on the market, mostly due to the fact that I have needed a breather before the next big push, the move into the newer smaller place. I am excited about it, but it's a lot of work for one person. I am feeling it will sell soon, and I can soon have this move behind me instead of before me. Let's get this baby sold!! The price has come down and I'm ready to take action!

And, pharmacy school, all the seeds have been planted, the applications, the interviews coming up, so at this point I'm waiting to see what happens, and make the best decision I can for where to go.
As for raising children... well, that has been going on for almost 21 years. Unbelievable, but true. A journey I am glad to be on.

As for my upcoming Microeconomics course...I am trying to become excited about this. Could there be a seemingly more boring class to require for pharmacy school? Who knows, maybe it will be more exciting than I give credit. Maybe it's not about the course, maybe it's about the experience. I need to fuel a little of my optimistic nature over to this, I see.

So, meanwhile, I explore the Gnostic Templars, the 7 Rays Healing School, reading on Asperger's syndrome, the gnostic gospels, learning about the self-publishing business, and enjoy my friends and family and patients, while I remember the stillness of ample time on my hands. Maybe it's only that time is an illusion, and I am bending it to an extreme. I have really lost track of time lately, although I seem to manage to be where I need to be when I need to be there.

This life is full of paradox, and this is the one that is most up for me in this moment. I have a friend, who every time she sees me says, 'You always have something new in the works. My life is always the same, no changes.' I wonder how much extra time she feels she has. Not much, I think. Just imagine how much time I'd appear to have if there was no transition happening. I cannot! Life is short, and I'm here for the experience. As my wise teacher in a recent sweat lodge told us, "There is no Truth, only Choice".

It IS about the experience. Whether it be taking the mundane class, raising the three wonderful children, applying to pharmacy because I can, having a vision of being a bridge between Western and Eastern medicine, traveling to amazing places, visiting with dear friends and loved ones. It's the experience. And, because I know I can, I do... and I be. It's my choice.

Balance has definitely been a key word for me lately. I have been drawing into my awareness those who are extremists in various aspects of life, from the fella who weighed 300 pounds and clung with all his might to the canned foods and 6 boxes of expired oatmeal, and refused to listen to any music that had an inkling of flute. He was very slow and damp in all decisions and movement... to the vegan continual meditator, attached to the spirit world, and anti-the manifestations of this planet, and a few other unique extremists in between. The pendulum keeps swinging. Perhaps I am here to show balance to others, I dunno. I asked my mother yesterday if there's anything extreme about me that I am missing. At first she thought not, and then she said that perhaps the only thing I may be extreme in is enthusiasm.

en·thu·si·asm (n-thz-zm)
n.
1. Great excitement for or interest in a subject or cause.
2. A source or cause of great excitement or interest.
3. Archaic
a. Ecstasy arising from supposed possession by a god.
b. Religious fanaticism.

[Late Latin enthsiasmus, from Greek enthousiasmos, from enthousiazein, to be inspired by a god, from entheos, possessed : en-, in; see en-2 + theos, god; see dhs- in Indo-European roots.]
Word History: "Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm," said the very quotable Ralph Waldo Emerson, who also said, "Everywhere the history of religion betrays a tendency to enthusiasm." These two uses of the word enthusiasmone positive and one negative both derive from its source in Greek. Enthusiasm first appeared in English in 1603 with the meaning "possession by a god." The source of the word is the Greek enthousiasmos, which ultimately comes from the adjective entheos, "having the god within," formed from en, "in, within," and theos, "god." Over time the meaning of enthusiasm became extended to "rapturous inspiration like that caused by a god" to "an overly confident or delusory belief that one is inspired by God," to "ill-regulated religious fervor, religious extremism," and eventually to the familiar sense "craze, excitement, strong liking for something." Now one can have an enthusiasm for almost anything, from water skiing to fast food, without religion entering into it at all.

I like to see enthusiasm as God, or the Universal Life Force expressing through me. I have the intention of making my life one big meditation, which actually simply means that I am present in whatever it is that I am doing, wherever I am being, whomever I am engaging with. Intentional meditation definitely makes this goal more attainable. I definitely do not have time nor interest in going into deep meditation for hours per day, for there is living to be done, and love to share and beings to encounter with heart. So, yes, I am enthusiastic about everything in my life I have set forth and created for myself. Everything from being a present mother, to pursuing my career goals, to communing with my friends and family. I am enthusiastic about continually learning and growing, and experiencing what I can through this short period of time on this planet in this reality.

Back to balance and the door to and capacity for spiritual liberation. As I wrote this last line I received a phone call from Creighton University offering me a seat in their upcoming starting PharmD. program. This is, by far, the most balanced option I had interviewed for this past winter. I had let go of it being an option because I had been placed on their wait list for an indeterminate amount of time, thus I moved ahead enthusiastically with my next best option which provided a far less balanced proposition than the distance learning program, but a slightly more balanced option than packing everything and leaving Peter behind to start school in Oregon. So, interesting timing, I say. Definitely taking the most balanced route allows more flexibility and time and energy in my school schedule to continue to pursue 1) my acupuncture practice and new clinic, 2) my meditative practices, 3) a routine of health and self-care, 4) hopefully nurturing and nourishing family and friend contact. These things are very important to me, and allow me to be a spiritual being manifesting my dreams in a balanced way.

Now as I sit and ponder my initial question to my mother yesterday morning about what these perceived extreme people making themselves known and might be mirroring to me, perhaps it was the choice I had made to go to UC-Denver's pharmacy school and the extreme attention that would take in my life because I would be enthusiastic about the program, wherever school ends up being.
Indeed, I am liberated from extremes, and find balance in my activities and my inactivities, in my knowledge and in my meditation, in my heart when I give and receive love, and share with others and share with myself. This is a very good place to be, a place of manifesting my dreams.

I bought this house with much upgrading and a fair amount of remodeling needed most of which was discovered after the purchase. One of the very minor repairs was to do something about the hideous wallpaper that I'd inherited with the house. Some of the more major items drew my attention first, like $1200 in plumbing within the first two weeks as well as a couple of bathroom remodels, etc. as house projects tend to multiply. Thus it took a few years for me to really contemplate this wallpaper.

The day I decided to begin, my thought was that I would peel the wallpaper and sand the underlying wall, and then paint it a nice neutral color, and be able to forget about it. Anything would be an improvement. I began to pick at the paper. It came off the wall in tiny bit by frustrating tiny bit. At that time I was not aware of, nor could I have really afforded, the fancy chemical goo and puncturing tool that might have aided me immensely in this endeavor. After a few minutes of the tedium, I decided to take the lazy person's way out, and simply sand down the edges of the paper, and paint over the wall, paper and all. Which is precisely what I did. At least the hideous had been neutralized.

Shoot ahead a couple of years and no further thoughts had passed about the wallpaper at the end of the hall. It was covered and many other house projects prevailed. One day, my middle son, in a fit of early-teen combativeness decided that it was time for me to address the house. He proceeded to pull off the framework around the area where I'd painted, thus exposing the wallpaper underneath for a thin strip along the edge. I was not in the mindset at the time for home repair, and was able to stop the entire demolition of the wall. However, for the next couple of years that little edge of wallpaper reminded me that I still had much to do for the house before I felt comfortable selling when the time came.

Several months ago I decided it was finally time to complete the task of getting the house ready to put on the market, in order to downsize and begin simplifying my life as the boys continue branching out on their own life journeys. Given that decision, the painted wallpaper wall was back in my full awareness.

One morning, I was awakened very early, by 4:30am, which was unusual for me, and I could not get back to sleep. After I laid in bed for awhile, I decided to get out of bed to use the bathroom and get an early beginning to the day. At that time, since there was lots of work to be done on the house, including reattaching the master bathroom toilet to the floor, I was using the main hall bathroom as my main bath. So I opened my bedroom door, walked into the hallway, and saw a stray corner of the wallpaper. I was compellingly drawn to the piece of wallpaper and had a huge urge to lean way over and pull on it. So, I did in my fog stupor.

As I pulled at the stray edge, the entire strip came up, easily and effortlessly. I was astounded as I stood there pulling this wallpaper so very easily. I thought to myself that I could so easily pull the entire wall of paper down in just a few moments. However, my bladder was requesting my attention and I left the paper hanging, about one-third of the way removed thinking that I would finish later after I'd gotten going on my day.

I went about my morning routine, had my coffee and breakfast, went for a walk, took a shower, and proceeded to get ready to work at one of the offices. On my last pass through past the wall to get my shoes for work, I thought I'd finish up the quick and easy job and gave the dangling wallpaper a tug. It wouldn't budge. It was just as tough as it had been for all of those years and maybe even before. Very perplexed, I finished getting ready and got in the car, and asked my Guides, "What was that all about?"

I immediately received the answer. Awakening early in the morning, I was not fully in my physical body and was functioning more so in my astral body. As I approached the wallpaper and the wall, I was addressing "them" on "their" astral levels, more than the physical level. I was thus able to manipulate the paper easily and effortlessly in the very malleable astral plane. And later, as I had come more into my concrete mind and my physical body, I was once again addressing the paper and wall in the physical realm, and it had become difficult.

There is a huge lesson there for me. I have been shifting my attention to Life being easy; to not feeling as though I need to do everything myself and to allow help in. Apparently my "help" also comes from the non-physical. Well, I knew that already. Also, the ability to manipulate in the etheric is something to definitely keep in mind.

Sure enough a couple days later, I was up early, not quite AS early as that first morning. My first thought was to finish the wallpaper job. I got up, went into the hall, grabbed the wallpaper and so very easily pulled the rest off. It took only a few minutes. I was so grateful and I AM so grateful to have had this experience. What an amazing lesson to have learned and to incorporate into my practices of prosperity, ease, and alchemy!

There is more about this little wall in this house, and that is coming up in another segment!

3. I am conscious of the Inner Presence as my lavish Abundance. I am conscious of the constant activity of this Mind of Infinite Prosperity. Therefore, my consciousness is filled with the Light of Truth.

The Light of Truth. My consciousness is filled with the Light of Truth. This is the Truth of the Universe. There is no truth, only choice, in the words of Wolf,me teacher in the sweat lodge. I feel this is to be interpreted on an individual level in which we do have choice. I do feel there is an Universal Truth which no one person can fully know while incarnate on this planet. Each person expresses this Universal Truth through his or her unique personality and choice and events in their lives that shape their personal truths about life. One of my personal goals has been to continue to embrace more and more of this Universal Truth into my life and awareness, one aspect of which I interpret through my own personal truth is that there is unlimited prosperity and I can embrace that, incorporate it and live it. That I can become more and more aware of this Infinite Prosperity and see the Divine everywhere, and have each moment be miraculous in my personal awareness. I think possibly that in the big Truth, there are no miracles, only things that "are", and it's my limited awareness that deems these everyday occurrences as miracles. I desire to live as though each moment is a miracle, and at the same time always be aware that even living is a miracle, and that there really are no miracles, it all just is, and is for the experience of the Divine. I embrace the Divine as my Inner Presence, my Knowing of my Divine birthright that I am lavished with Abundance always; that this Inner Presence helps me to recognize this lavishness of the Universe, to be conscious of the constant activity of the Mind of Infinite Prosperity. If I can recognize it, I can allow it in. Allowing it in is Grace. I am grateful for every occurrence today and beyond of my allowing more and more Grace into my life.

by Master Djwhal Khul

I dedicate the fruits of my efforts this day to the liberation of all sentient beings, that their suffering may be lessened, their bonds of karma broken.

I awakened this morning having been dreaming of the mother of one of my consistent patients. In the dream, she was requesting my "help", so immediately, as I lay there in bed, sent light to her Heart chakra and various Lung points. She struggles in her Earthly form, to breathe and exist. I was also drawn to send pink light through her Crown chakra. Pink is the color of Unconditional Love. I know that partly why she remains in her vessel is the continued healing that is taking place. Her daughter, and her husband are working, in their own ways, to let her go. She, herself, is working on letting go and trusting that all will be well once she is gone. They are all holding her here (the bonds of karma), on this plane, through their worry, fear, and doubt (and suffering). Once they trust that she still exists and will still be able to connect from the other side of the veil, then they will all be able to allow the natural transition from one vibrational level to another. My "job" is to be available when the requests are made (as in this morning and any time) and trust that what I intuit, say and do, are exactly what is right in that moment for liberation (or at minimum the planting of seeds for the liberation) of all sentient beings.

Unconditional Love transmutes the worry, the fear, the doubt, the anger, the sadness. No one need suffer. Even if there is pain, there is no need to suffer. We can learn much from our pain. As Kahlil Gibran said, "Your pain is the breaking open of your understanding." If we are willing to look at our pains, emotional and physical, there is much to be gleaned, and translated into joy of being, and joy of living.

So, having had this powerful beginning to my day, I vow to heed the call throughout the day to be present with my fellow sentient beings, and see where I can continue to serve in my unique ways on this path of existence.

Daily Thought for Saturday, January 24, 2009
by Master Djwhal KhulMay I hold well this day the unfolding Mystery of the Divine infusing the mundane, of Spirit indwelling matter, of Magnificence incarnating in flesh.

Of course this comes along on a day when I am not feeling so magnificent, but instead a bit overwhelmed by everything going on in my life. And it's not that there is anything "bad" going on, just a few reality checks, that yes, I am still a parent of a teenager who needs a slight tweak in direction and needs his mother to come back to Earth, that yes, my future is still relatively uncertain as to where I'll be going to school, and where my next abode is, and how it's all going to manifest exactly. And, yes, that I am taking a crazy microeconomics class that I am trying to feel enthused about, and yes, that I need to buckle down and pay my taxes, and look at the reality of last year's self-employment income. I far prefer to dwell in the observer detached mode.

All of these things that I am doing and experiencing are opportunities to shine my magnificent self, express as my own unique being, to remember to return to trusting in the Universe that supports me and always has. To release the hows and the whys, to reconnect to my Divinity, and check in with everyone else's Divinity. To remember we are here to Love, to find compassion for ourselves and for others. To connect with the Indwelling Joy that is ever present when we choose to recognize and embrace it.

My goals today: 1) To note the Mystery of the Divine in the mundane. My life is a continuous string of miracles, and today is no different. 2) To remember the Spirit indwelling in matter in all thing and beings, and 3) to remember and celebrate and express the Magnificence of my own being that has incarnated in this flesh.

I am peaceful, powerful and poised, for I know who I am.
S.A. Lyonheart :-)

by Master Djwhal Khul

May I see this day through fresh eyes, that the old places of imbalance in my life can be "reviewed" from the perspective of my Soul's mission.

Interesting this was yesterday's "thought" and I hadn't read it until today. I had an opportunity to see through "fresh eyes" an old place of imbalance in my life to "review".

I was in economics class where my tendency is to want to blend into the woodwork, just "do, be, and get". However, the instructor chooses to call on the students and put them to work, so being invisible is not an option. Yesterday I sat in the second row, and was asked to draw a graph on the board in the front of the class. I understand graphs, I get math, but I did not understand what he wanted, so "messed up" in front of the class, and corrected it. Then, because I was up in front of the class creating the graph, I missed taking the lecture notes that he was giving during that time. When I returned to my seat to catch up, focusing on what he'd already gone over, he came by my spot and asked me a question about what he was currently going over. Of course I had no clue, and since I feel clueless about the entire topic of economics I couldn't "wing it".

So, more humiliation, especially when he threw up his hands in exasperation as if I should have already mastered all of this. For goodness sakes. Thankfully he moved on to the next clueless person. I know I was not alone in that, however what it meant for me personally is definitely something I get to look at.

It triggered a time during a poster presentation I was giving in a class near the end of my Bachelor's degree. The professor asked me a difficult technical question that I froze on. I panicked, I couldn't think or breathe. I knew I knew the answer, but I was so caught up in the difficulty of the question compared to the "opinion" question one of my classmates (one of the professor's "pets") received. I know I made everyone uncomfortable with my frozen panic. My friend, Pat, was behind the professor signaling to encourage me. She knew I knew the answer, and later told me he probably asked me the most difficult question because he was aware of my intelligence. This made no difference to me at the time. This event yesterday triggered close to those same feelings of humiliation, "dumbness", and wanting to crawl into a hole.

Thankfully, after yesterday's class I went straight to my mom's for a Colorpuncture treatment to work on a rash I've had for a few weeks. She took a Kirlian photograph of my energy, and treated accordingly while I relayed the day's events to her. What showed in my photo was very interesting. It was clear there were boundaries that were being overstepped, and the "father imprint" had been triggered, and was "up". This makes sense to me, I can see where my relationship with my dad could have a play in that. I always wanted to be acknowledged for what I do know, and how acceptable I am, what a good person I am, etc. I wanted to be understood for who I am, not for what I don't know. I know a lot of it is embracing the fact that I cannot possibly know it all, and that it's okay to be in a situation where I don't know, and to accept it for myself in that moment. The "dark" side. Economics is not a strong suit for me, but a pre-requisite for pharmacy school. There's a reason I didn't take this class way back when. It's okay to have weaknesses, it's okay to not fully succeed in all areas. I know I will do fine in the class, and chances are good I understand more of it than I give myself credit. The healing is going to come through being okay in that situation, and to somehow move through those uncomfortable moments with a little more grace. Then again, does it always have to be graceful? I think it's actually okay to have awkward uncomfortable moments. Perhaps that is more fully experiencing Life.

Ah, so, how does this relate to my soul's mission? What gets to be healed and released? To be balanced? To be okay with it not being okay. Embrace the "fact" that I have both strengths AND weaknesses. To come up with a method, a mantra, or meditation, to directly help neutralize the strong panicky, humiliated emotional trigger in that situation, so that it is not a block, but rather a gateway to deeper understanding and compassion for myself and others.

Today I do feel a bit more whole, a bit more loving and compassionate toward myself. Far more than I did 13 years ago during that incident during my undergrad presentation. That went on for months, way beyond the class ending. I now know I can go back into class confident in who I am and where I'm at, and be okay in the now. I can stand a bit taller. And my rash is closer to being healed now that I'm a bit more comfortable in my own skin...

by Master Djwhal Khul

May all beings everywhere be happy this day and may they come to know the divine grace which brought forth the consciousness we all share.

Happiness is a state of being we can all obtain. What is it exactly? Can we be happy ALL the time? I think if we are 'happy' all the time, we are not being fully authentically human. This does not mean that we shouldn't have a general sense of contentment and easy access to experiencing joy. We are human beings, sentient beings who feel, who emote, who experience being in this three dimensional world in our physical bodies. If we tap into whatever emotion is going on for us, move through it, learn from it as we can, we can feel what waits for us on the other side of that emotion, whether it be neutral peace, or a feeling of joy, Divine Grace.

I hope that everyone will take some moments today to really tap into and remember what makes them feel happy, whether it's a walk by the river, being present with a child, having a great conversation with a friend, gaining a new insight, meditating, dancing, singing, playing an instrument, loving. Whatever it looks like, do it and shift your world and the world. For me today it is a dip in the hot springs, a visit with a friend, presence with my son, writing, celebrating the new president, and enjoying the sunshine. I look forward to all of it and it is already putting a smile on my face. Enjoy the Grace!

2009: During a guided meditation in the spring of 2000, I was shown a beautiful guardian angel, blowing a horn in exuberant exaltation of my being. This wondrous angel was so excited about what I'd been learning and integrating, about my loving myself and expressing my loving self in a stand for myself. He was blowing his horn with great joy and happiness within his heart. He was one in a sea of many angels who were also playing their horns, all in celebration of my heart opening. I was surrounded by joy and love and support. I was fully in love with this angel, and felt the love he exuded toward me.

I decided I wanted to see this angel in the meditation more closely, so I zeroed in on his face, and I was shocked to find my then husband who I had been resisting and trying to leave for eleven years in one way or another. We'd been married for almost thirteen years.

Until this moment, all I had felt about him was anger, resentment, sadness, loneliness, misunderstanding, and a lack of ability to express myself when around him. In an instant, I had an immense knowing of his role and his love in my life. Also, with that, I was able to remember that I love him on many levels, and that we have a contract in this life for him to assist in my learning self-love and to express myself and there was success.
In an apparent irony, when I let go of resisting him and the marriage, knowing this deeper soul love, this unconditional love, everything disintegrated that was being held together with the negative emotions, the fear, the anger. Life shifted dramatically. I know one might think that discovering this love on a soul level would create a deeper human and physical bond, but just the opposite became true. I felt nothing but love for him and for myself. And, with my consciousness at the time, I was able to create and maintain boundaries that were healthier for both of us, and that resulted in the end of the marriage.

In the nine years since this meditation I have loved him from afar, at a soul level, deeply grateful for his presence in my life, and in our children's lives. I understand that his actions are love-driven, even if sometimes they don't appear to be. When he enters my dreams we are usually conversing rather amiably and jovially about the children, about situations and circumstances. In my dreams, I am aware he is married to the boys' stepmother, for whom I'm also very grateful for her presence in their lives. This carries over to the waking life, even though he and I barely exchange words, good or bad.

There is no way I'd be in the place where I am now without having had this experience of the Divine. I see it as one of the most profound moments of Grace in my life. I endeavor to remember this all the time, but especially as I encounter difficult situations with seemingly difficult people, the "Angels in Disguise."

January 2009 Today I completed a Prayer Stick for 2009. I made one last year through a workshop given by Laura Berry. She facilitated this one too.

The Story of this stick is about the Goddess, both my own embracing of the Goddess and of the Earth's balancing through the Goddess energy.

Last year I brought many trinkets from my first 40 years of life, random charms, jewelry and meaningful sayings for the assistance of releasing everything that had gotten me to that place and for putting into place my intentions for what I desired instead.

This year I came in with nothing, with only the intention of creating, being fully present in the moment and all it had to offer. I was very excited about approaching this project in this manner because I saw it as an awesome exercise in being in the moment and not over planning, in going with the flow, and creating with what is given to me when I showed up.

Laura provided each of us with a bag of words, a picture of an animal totem, and various beads and stones, a small shell, and a stone with the picture of a spiral engraved on it. Already there in the bag were some powerful items to get started on this stick. We spent a few minutes in guided meditation to create the space for us to be able to release the past year and set the intentions for this new year just begun. Then we were drawn to select the stick that spoke most to our hearts. The one I chose had a straight branch, with four even branches coming from the "top". These you cannot see in the photo since they have been dressed up!

The Goddess

So, I got to work, gluing this and that, deciding on the ribbon, and what to dangle from it, and this is what I came up with:
1) The shape of a "tree". I am very drawn to the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. I wanted to begin with a piece of wood that would have a trunk and then from that trunk branches branching out. At this point I remembered that I had brought a bag of...
2) ...ANCHI crystals with me, as I usually have them with me everywhere I go. They have been amazing for my own health and personal growth, and I thought they would be great to glue several of them to the bottom of the trunk, or root, of my "tree", so that I can remember that I am grounded in the ancient wisdom of the Earth (for these crystals are 1.6 billion years old) and the immense energy of the vortex that is at the mine where these crystals come from. Nothing can hinder this incredible energy, they are so charged! And that is how I choose to view myself in my life right now, charged with this ancient energy and wisdom, helping myself and others find ultimate balance, embracing the feminine and Goddess.
3) The color GOLD. I have been using Gold in my meditations with patients in my practice. For the last month or so Gold has been "up". To me, Gold is the color of lavish opulence, Divine worthiness, and sparkly bliss. Using Gold can instantly shift one's vibration to higher levels. Also, the words, "All I touch is Gold" are key to the Alchemist. This is the energy I am embracing in 2009. The Alchemist. Gold is where it's at. :-) So, all of the ribbon on my Goddess stick is Gold.
4) Gems as symbol and gems as words. I glued three gemstones where I placed the words:
"Allowing": If I allow the Universe to move through me, and allow others to have their experiences, then I am a vessel of the Divine, and Life is allowed to flow easily and effortlessly.
"Bliss": Well, clearly we can all do with more bliss. How often are our blissful states? Is it possible to maintain a blissful state no matter what is going on around us? Is this not our birthright? Ah, Bliss, yes, please!
"Leap": As a leap of faith, or as I've always resonated with the frog when it is time in my life to takes great leaps. Often I feel I am leaping into a great abyss of the unknown. What is riskier than that? But seriously, it's about the experience, not so much the safety. I've lived many years in "safe", and have found that the leaps I take that are based on my intuition, have always lead to some profound experiences. Leap like the Frog, Intuit like the Turtle. There was no turtle energy with this stick, except for the fact that the turtle represents mother earth and nurturing.
"Breath": If we don't breathe, we don't live. The word "inspire" is really "In Spirit", we breathe in the Spirit of Life. The Breath of Life. The more deeply we can breathe, the more of Life we can experience. I have been working on the breath for awhile, and I know through my own experience and through working with patients, that if we are hanging onto our emotions and pains from the past, it is immensely difficult to breathe deeply and then to take in All that Life has to offer.
"Grace": I endeavor to be a Channel of Grace in every moment and every encounter I have in this lifetime. This means I need to be free and clear, to hear the intuitions and to express what I hear and see. it is not for me to judge what comes from me as long as I understand that I am a channel of Grace all the time. My Life IS Grace.
"Trust": None of this would be happening if I didn't trust in the Universe, in the Divine Support, and my many Guides. I trust I am still doing this human thing because I have a mission and things to accomplish. I trust that I am fully supported in all endeavors that are for my greatest good as well as for the greatest good of this Beloved planet.
and "Joy": Well, like Bliss, this is a great experience to have. To be filled with joy. How many of us experience Joy on a regular basis? I plan to experience greater and greater Joy. I mean, really, life is too short to be far from Joy for long.

Chakra Beads, Feathers, and Receive/Give

5) Feathers: Mainly a remembrance of the sweat lodge I did in early December 2008. It was very very powerful. I mainly wish to remember the purification of religious persecution of all sectors of all societies. Also a couple of profound sayings by our teacher Wolf. One of which was: "There is no Truth, only Choice" (he is right in that each person's truth is his or her own, not the ultimate Truth, and that we are here having Experiences, and choosing to have said experiences. Our moment to moment choices we make shape these experiences.) He also conversed with another sweat lodge experiencer that asking "why" is a distraction. Every time. Also, to remember to remain in a place of steadfast connection, no matter what travails and surprises come our way. Also, to remember that transcending the physical body is, indeed, a reality, as well as a necessity.
6) String of chakra beads: I strung gemstone beads which represent the Heart, Throat and Crown chakras. It is about expressing through our hearts what we know and have discerned from the Universe and made our own.
7) "Receiving": From Laura's stack of words, I had drawn the word "Receiving". This is a very feminine word, also a word related to the flow of Abundance in the Universe. If we are continually giving of ourselves, and not receiving, then we are not allowing ourselves to be nourished and replenished, and then ultimately we run out of juice to keep on going. If we gracefullyand heart-fully receive as well as we give, then we are in the flow of abundance. From Laura's bag of "goodies" I received the word "giving", so I glued that on the back of the Receiving plate. My focus, as a continual giver, is to work on receiving the Abundance and Prosperity that is awaiting my openness and allowing.
8) Quote chosen from a pile of quotes: "Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves - slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future; Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life." This fully pertains to my endeavor to live each moment fully, timelessly, and intentionally. And glued to this quote is a ticket with the word "Courage" on it, also drawn from a pile of tickets with words on them. We have plenty of time if we take the time to experience each and every moment. I have the courage to do so!!

The Nest

9) The Nest: Included a picture of the Blue Jay, representing Happiness and taking time out to sing a happy song. Also the word "nest" was in my gift bag from Laura, which is, to me, about empty-nesting, as my boys grow and begin down their adult paths. It's also about my selling my "nest", and gaining a new wonderful nest. Within this nest on the Goddess, near her heart, I have placed three Gold beads, one each for each of my precious sons. Next to them is the spiral of life on a little stone. This is to remind me of the ongoing spiral of life, and as I transition out of this phase of my life, I am spiraling into the next phase as the Divine would have it be done.
It's all about creating the life I desire and deserve. It's about Alchemy and embracing those formerly persecuted aspects of myself. It's all about receiving the Abundance and flow of the Universal Love that is around us and through us in ev

I was beginning to open myself to the possibilities of Life and energy, reading Carolyn Myss’ works, and the Hands of Light, by Barbara Brennan, and journaling and journaling some more, meditating, studying the Science of Mind.I had a distinct vision while I was sitting in my living room, wide awake, doing something mundane, like reading the paper.I could vividly see my husband standing in front of me, his arm stretched out towards me.He wasn’t there physically, but he was very clear in my sight.His fingers and hand began to embed themselves, like tentacles in my upper left chest, just above my breast.As the tentacles embedded, I could see and feel the energy flowing from this part of my body through the tentacles into him.I also had the realization that my part of it was that I was allowing it to happen.Then I heard a voice in my right ear, distinctly tell me:“You can leave this marriage one of two ways.One option is that you free yourself by dying of breast cancer, the other is that you free yourself by removing yourself from this situation.”Suddenly, I had information.I guess it was the information I looking for.Although, now being aware of this choice, I was suddenly responsible for either taking action or taking action by not taking action.My life was at stake, that much was clear.I had a huge decision to make, and with the depression I’d experienced through much of my twenties, there was definitely a struggle with just giving up for this lifetime, allow cancer to come in and take me.That seemed far easier than taking an enormous step I had both resisted and desired for so many years.Death was a tempting avenue.This was a defining moment of clarity.Year later, after the big decisions and changes were well underway, I recall, several times when I would have profound moments where I’d realized that I was still actually alive, and that part of me was surprised and adjusting to this new twist in my life.Many times on this path, I have been faced with making conscious decisions.I always knew that I had a choice to either travel the “easy” familiar path, possibly remaining numb to a situation, or to travel the risk-taking path, which may have, and likely would have, consequences I could not dream of.I have never been sorry taking the more conscious and risky path, even when sometimes there is trepidation and a fear of the unknown.It has definitely brought many experiences my way, from which I’ve been able to grow and expand my awareness of myself and the world around me.I believe that’s what I’m here for, so why waste any more time in numbness?

As time has progressed, I realize that the decision made to live in that moment was more profound than I realized.My father’s side of the family has a history of breast cancer, often in women in their thirties, some survive, and some do not.Currently my 35 year old cousin is fighting stage 3 breast cancer.My aunt, my father’s sister, succumbed to the disease at age 38.It is interesting to me that when this revelation came to me about my own existence, I was 32 years old.This was one year prior to the age both my cousin and my aunt were diagnosed.

A man and a woman are in a car on a mountain road in the foggy, rainy night.He is driving, she's in the passenger seat.They are intently discussing a subject, either the car or the drive or something pertaining to their relationship.The man is frustrated with either the driving or the discussion.After several near misses on the sharp dark curves in the road, he veers off the road into a ditch.

Morning dawns.It's still foggy and damp.I am at the site, looking at the car.The man is off in the distance, in the woods, but I am not concerned with him.I walk around to the other side of the car to find the woman lying behind the car in a mud puddle.I lean over and grab her under the arms and drag her over to the car.I lift her into the rear seat.I lean over her limp body as I struggle with the logistics of buckling her in.I finally get her in and take a look at her.Her dark hair was matted against her head, her face pale, her eyes dull.

I asked , "Are you all right?"

She vaguely replied with her eyes, "You are holding my spirit inside of you.I will be much better if you can please give me back my spirit."

I took a huge deep breath, filling my lungs completely and put my mouth on hers and force my breath into her body.I blow and blow, without taking a breath myself.As I blow, I look into her eyes and watch them grow brighter and brighter.I watched her skin flourish with vitality.I continue to blow and blow and blow into her mouth, without taking a breath.

I jolted awake, breathless.Wow, what dream, I thought to myself.I lay in bed, breathing deeply, pondering the images that flowed through my mind, reminders of the dream.So real, so meaningful, I realized, as I attempted to put it together.

I got up out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine.As I looked in the mirror, I thought about what I observe looking back at me.As I stood there, I considered the woman in the dream, and suddenly realized that the woman in the car was me.The woman was asking for her life to be given back to her.I have had this power to give myself life all along, but it wasn't until the woman asked and really wanted life, could I provide it to myself.With a small grin, I remarked to myself that a man dragged her into the mud puddle, but he is now inconsequential to my living my life fully, and it is up to my how I proceed.I immediately realized the meaning of that!It's up to me to drag myself out of the mud, get myself into the car, buckle in for the ride, and blow the life back into myself!Tingling with this great message, I vowed to myself, "There's no going back to lifeless, this life is for me to live, it's an adventure."

However as the days pass, I begin to doubt myself.How am I to move into this great new life full of vitality?I don't know how, how can I possibly do it on my own?I become afraid of the future and what it means to live that life I feel I was meant to live.I know I’m full of life and vitality and that it needs to be expressed, but how?

I am called to remember the difficult time during my separation and divorce in 2000. On one level I was experiencing the frightening ecstasy of freedom from mental and emotional bondage, along with the guilt and shame of insisting on the tearing apart a family (which I'd sworn I'd never do), and on another level I was focused on creating a new healthy environment for myself and my three sons, who were also experiencing the divorce in their own ways. During this turbulence, I found great solace in the rivers, the water. At that time, I had jumped into the abyss of the unknown of what our lives were going to look like without the status quo and "comfort" of married life. Even though I knew it was the right decision, I was suddenly in the land of the unknown and the uncertain, and faced many perceived obstacles, but I had come to the Buddhist understanding of "being okay with it not being okay".

As I stood by various rivers at this time, I watched the water flow over and under the rocks, create waterfalls and swirling pools. I watched the slow smooth even flow of water where there were fewer rocks and more open range. It was during one of my contemplations that I realized that the water is like my soul. The water may experience rocks and dams, and huge drop offs, however none of it affects the essence of the water. Where there are fewer rocks and drop offs, the water appears to be peaceful and calm. The water is still water, the rocks and turns don't take anything away from the water, they help change it's course and cause turbulence, increased energy and excitement. Yet, ultimately, the water finds its way to the bigger and bigger bodies of water, eventually intermingling with itself in the ocean. Then there is the process of evaporation, cloud forming and movement, and condensation with rain forming to fall on different parts of the Earth, for the cycle to begin again.

I had a dream last night about the ocean. About the vastness, about the immense diversity of life and color within the sea. Even though the details of the dream are a bit foggy, and dampened by the concrete mind at this point, I do recall the feeling of humbly being one with the ocean, infinitely, and infinitesimally. I understood as a soul that I am a part of the ocean, and that I am the ocean. No circumstance, or rock, can ever change that. There is a saying in the metaphysical world about dipping into the ocean of God or Source, or All-Beingness, and it is up to each of us how much we dip in, whether it be with a teaspoon, a cup, a bucket, or even being subsumed by its entirety. To me, this is about how much we trust and allow in our soul's comfort and the Universal Love that is always around us in the sea of Life.

The Sea of Life is an Abyss of unknowing yet absolute Knowing, and often takes an enormous amount of trust to take steps forward when we cannot see beyond each step. I know as human beings we oscillate between this trust and knowing and wanting to be in control of events in our lives. The other distinct feeling I had in the dream was the humility in realization that we think in our little minds that we have some control over the vastness of the Universe, and can change the ocean, or the planet. Truly our realizing and knowing, which is a bigger step than believing, that we are One with the ocean, One with the planet, and One with One-another, and we can rest peacefully in the abyss of the ocean, and flow with the Universal Love.
It's interesting to ponder water because a great majority of each of our bodies consists of water. This is the same water that flows in the rivers, comprises the ocean, the clouds, the rain and snow, is in the polar ice caps, in the plants and animals, and all humans, continually being recirculated throughout the Earth's system. The water isn't decreased or increased, its substance is continually circulated throughout Life and the environment.

I strive for this Ocean of Knowing to be my new status quo, my comfort, as I continue this human life in these very interesting times for our planet. And, as my own personal life is again in great flux, where it actually has been since 1999, all I can do is listen to my intuition, my guides, continue to connect with those dear to me and to take care of the vessel, express as I need to espress, and take action where I am inspired to take action, while releasing the need to know, the impatience for 'security', and the how it's all going to work out. It already is working out.

Also important is to remember, as a tool, to melt the ice, the frozen emotions which lie on top of the easy flowing water. As the frozen emotions melt, they become one with the flow, they release the energy contained within those emotions that weren't flowing before. Water has that unique quality of being less dense in the solid state than it is in the liquid state. Thus ice floats, covering up the warmer water underneath. I see this often in my practice, and is easily felt in patients' pulses. This is the burdening of unexpressed emotions, dampening the pulse, the Life Force, within the patient. It takes energy to hold onto the emotions, often eventually to the detriment of our physical bodies, where the free flowing energy or qi could be used instead to help heal our bodies and our minds and to open our hearts to the Greater Love that exists. There are many effective tools to assist in the freeing of emotions, the melting of the ice caps, when the patient becomes willing to delve into the world of emotional healing.

Water in dreams is often construed as emotions. So, for example, when I dreamed of huge tidal waves rolling down my street overtaking my house, it was an indication of my very rocky emotional world at the time. Or when I dreamed I was trudging through three feet of snow, then I knew I had some emotional clearing work to do around specific current circumstances that I was making my way through. We experience life as emotional beings, this is our nature. If we clear the old stagnant emotions, then we make room for new emotions to come through, and they might actually be awesome experiences like joy, peace, and love.
The end of my marriage was the beginning of emotional healing for me, and I have, through the last decade, discovered a deeper, more joyful and peaceful me, tapped into and used my own water to see what makes me tick, what I tend to hang onto, what I'm willing to release, learned to stretch my weave of understanding and willingness to be open to greater awareness, and always with the background, and sometimes foreground, knowing that my soul is never damaged, lost, or broken through my experiences in this life.
I am going to be near the ocean again soon. There my embodied molecules of water will meet and greet with the great vastness of the molecules of water within the ocean, saying "Oh yeah! We remember you, and we are so excited to be together again!"

Apparently my day is not complete today unless I blog on the origin of the name of this blog, Leonis Stefani.

I received as a gift for my 40th birthday, a star named after me. This gift was given to me by my dad and stepmother. I remember the day it arrived in the mail, well, not the star itself, but the certificate and the map of the cosmos showing exactly where this star is precisely located. I have coordinates and everything. I recall thinking, "Wow, what a cool gift to have a star named after me!" Me! I was touched, and excited about it, but not sure what to do with the certificate and information on where to find this star. I have kept it stored in the box in which it arrived. And, now that my house is on the market, they are unlikely to have a permanent presence on a wall or in public until I find a new place to reside and call my own.

In the meantime, though, I can contemplate this "stardom". The star named after me is called "Leonis Stefani", which is pretty nifty and must be the Latin version of my given name, Stephanie Lyon.
It makes me think, though, about being an "Earthling" and the human-centrism, or Earth-centrism, or whatever it is called when we think that we on this planet are the only ones who exist and have domain over the naming of stars. And then there's the thought that we can officially "name" a star. What if someone else from some other galaxy already has that particular star? I suppose stars can be shared, especially if the likelihood of the co-'owners' of the star meeting is so slim. Or perhaps, by some non-coincidence, I AM one of these other co-owners... now that's stuff for another blog... It IS a very creative endeavor to name the stars, I suppose part of the human experience; I admire that and feel privileged in the Earth sense to have this particular one named for me. Thank you Dad and Jackie! It would be fun to go visit it, and maybe I will in my astral wanderings.

This naming a star business also makes me contemplate the naming of God, and how even the thought of "limiting" God, or the vast Universe of the known and unknown, by a name strikes me. I know it's traditional in our human experience to have labels and names for things so we have a common base with which to communicate our ideas and conceptualizations. I have listened to, and meditated with, Wayne Dyer's "the Sound of God", where the main *sound* is the "ahhhhhh", the common sound in all the names of God. Allah, Yahweh, God, etc. In the meditation he goes into the space between the words, which, to me, makes the most sense. It's very powerful, and wordless and connected.

Hmmm, and somehow on my walk I had an "aha" moment that connected all of these ponderings with puking. Let me see if I can get it back.

Maybe it will help if I go back to where throwing up has recently become significant. It was in early December as I had completed my first sweat lodge. We had done five rounds, and the experience was phenomenal, very life changing. During the lodge we transcended the physical body, and experienced direct connection, said and sang many prayers for healing of others, healing of self, releasing the aspects of self that no longer serve us, for healing all persecution of all forms for all religions and non-religions. As part of my mind was occupied with the thoughts that I was probably going to burst into flames with the heat and steam, the greater part breathed in the cooling breath of the Grandfathers, which allowed for the transcendence of the physical discomfort. After several hours of these rounds of ceremony and prayer, we were finally allowed out of the lodge to dress in the darkness and the cold. This was a very difficult endeavor for me, as I groped for my clothing in the dark. I was suddenly overcome with an intense pain in my abdomen and the urge to vomit. I was quite surprised. I had survived the lodge, and now all I wanted to do was throw up.

Well, I didn't. I hate throwing up more than almost anything. I recall throwing up at age 3 when I had the chicken pox, and it terrified me so much that I refused to vomit until I was about 22 years old. In a later discussion with a co-sweatlodger, she enlightened me about the fears that children have when they lose bodily substance, that it's as if they are giving up a part of themselves. When I heard this I realized that the best thing I could have done was to go ahead and throw up (instead of pushing on all of the acupuncture points I knew that might help - and they did), thus releasing the parts of myself that I had prayed to release in the sweat lodge. I know they are still released, but through different means than the vomiting and it has probably taken a bit longer than it would have AND has prolonged the discomfort than had I just been all right with throwing up then and there.

Vomiting is a way of releasing toxins from our body, and I fully correlate that need that evening in Santa Fe as a release of the toxins, both physical and emotional, and probably mental, that no longer served me. I was very unwilling to do it in that manner. Throwing up is not very "star-like" behavior, however I see clearly now that it was a means of more directly connecting to the star and the vastness of my being, the transcendence of this physical vessel, the continuation of what the lodge was used to heal that afternoon. It's okay, because I know I am purging these things anyway, because it is my path to learn to transcend and ascend, and find compassion for all beings, including myself.

Leonis Stefani, the Crowned Lion. The Brave Lyonhearted, the Stephanie Lyon. Pretty powerful however it's spelled or said. Each day may I embrace this power even more, and more fully follow my Divine Path with great understanding and love.