Cross-Country Delivery Food Exists and It Is Delicious

It's $49 for a cherry pie and you might get a That Guy label. But it might also be worth it.

I ordered delivery food the other night for me and a ladyfriend. This might not seem like a big deal. I work from home, so I tend to order delivery food quite a lot. But this was different. This food was from Seattle and Texas. I live in Brooklyn.

There's a company named Goldbely that specializes in extreme food delivery, marketing themselves as "the Marco Polo(s) of food." They promise to deliver some of the best local delicacies to wherever you are in the US and the results will, dare I say it, make for the coolest and most unholy meal you'll eat this year.

How would the food arrive? Surely, if I was waiting three days for food there was no way that it could be good, right? If delivery food takes more than an hour it's usually cold and shitty. As the Friday night date got closer I was starting to chomp at the bit in terms of expectations. What on earth would this experience be like?

Then the packages got here. They arrived freeze-packed just under 72 hours after I pressed the order button.

The ribs needed about an hours' worth of prep and cooking (with nothing too difficult beyond knowing what "basting" meant). They made the entire apartment smell as if I was some BBQ diety and, I kid you not, inspired a knock on the door from my upstairs neighbor who wanted to know "just what the hell is going on down there. I thought I had new neighbors that could actually cook." And I've gotta admit: I'd been skeptical about ordering out-of-state meat, but they came out absolutely perfect. The meat fell off the bone, the sauce gleefully dripping everywhere like some sort of BBQ-themed Jackson Pollack painting, me and my date's hands were so greasy it was as if we'd spent a week inside Willie Nelson's bandana.

Writing about food is a little like writing about sex. It will never quite match up to what actually happened. But, my god, this was as close to BBQ perfection as I've ever been able to achieve.

But we haven't even mentioned the pie. Oh, the pie. If you've ever watched Twin Peaks, you'll know that the cherry pie holds a very special place in the show. If you have a spare $49 laying around and are even mildly curious about trying the very same pie from the very same place in the show, your prayers have been answered. It's a damn fine pie, I must say. Tart, sweet, crispy; it was as if someone had asked an animator to draw a cherry pie and then make it come to life, almost cartoonish in its beauty. I may have even have had the rest of it for breakfast the next day. I may have. But there's no way to prove that and I surely wouldn't admit to such a thing here.

Sure, $49 for a pie and a tick over $50 for two racks of ribs. But it was so worth it.

In total, the food traveled 4729 miles to get to my door. The grand total for 7lbs of exquizite ribs and the cherry pie of my dreams came to about $125. This may seem like a huge extravagance; as if I were some sort of Gatsby character ordering food from across the continent on a whim.

And honestly? I am. I am that guy. And Goldbely managed to make that happen; that site made for one of the best stay-at-home dates I've ever had.