Asking Women on A Date: A Men’s Guide

Throughout centuries, the most asked question is basically, asking a woman on a date. Many men can be successful at it, and there are others who are unsuccessful. So men, first thing’s first, there’s that lady you’ve been staring at and thinking about for quite sometime. Now is your time to make the move. Let’s look at this on two scenarios.

A.) You’re her friend, you’ve known each other for quite sometime, you both work at the same place or sit in the same class, and she’s single. You want to make a move, but you’re afraid that she might keep you in “The Friend-zone”. What should you do?

B.) Let’s say for instance you’re at a coffee shop every morning enjoying down time with yourself. Every morning the same female stops by to get her coffee before going to class or work. You don’t know much about her, yet you see her everyday. But you want to get to know more about this person. What should you do?

Men stuck in scenario A

Men, I recommend that you be yourself, but elevate yourself. She knows more about you based on the interactions and conversations. You are now in the position to where you are going to show off the “social” side of your life. What you need to remember is that you must separate your business side from your personal side. What you do on a date and behind closed doors should always remain between you and her only. Ask her in class or at work, what her interests are, and eventually ask her about doing those things together. If she wants to hang out on both of your guys’ free time, I would recommend something small like lunch, movie, outing at the park, or a play. You want to start small at those areas. Now try doing that for a good couple of weeks, and then be confident in asking her to dinner, if it doesn’t lead to it already. One thing to be careful with is to not speed the process. In other words, do not pop out saying you’ve been holding feelings in for her. That’s a huge mistake, and she will take it the wrong way. Why? She may not be interested in you, or see you on that level yet. You want to continue to spend quality time with each other so that she can grow and accept her personal interest in you. I have noticed that many relationships start out as best friends. So now, the best thing to do is to go up and ask her. Remember you have the confidence in yourself, and you’re always approaching her at her level. You’ve been doing this for so long, why would she say no? you’re friends and co-workers, right? Have Faith in yourself

Men stuck in scenario B: Approach her with confidence. Below is something that can be applied for all men.

Approach: How do you approach a woman? Remember, you want her first impression to be the RIGHT impression, and by the right impression, you want it to be a lasting impression. When you approach a woman, you must have the confidence inside yourself. So let’s start with a plan.

Are you confident in yourself? You want to first start off by having small conversations in your head, and then eventually have them with the woman you want. It never hurts to prepare and rehearse. When you have conversations, you must keep it on small terms of the environment around you. Pay for her coffee, ask her what book she’s reading and talk about what is going on within the book. If you talk more about that, it can really get a conversation going. Talk about life, school, and anything that is going on. This will also bring out your level of intelligence.

Women like to see a man with intelligence, especially if his intelligence level matches her intelligence level and interest. So remember to “Just talk” on good terms before you start to talk about the big things in life (in which I will discuss later). Don’t go jumping into detail about talking how beautiful she looks or saying you’ve been watching her for a while, It will creep her out. From my experience, here is an analogy to learn from. A lion sees its prey lurking around. The lion is slowly watching it, and suddenly it comes to attack its prey. Now that the prey knows they’re in danger, it will run away. Compare yourself to that lion. Do NOT scare the woman away. You’ve seen her, but don’t jump in too quick. That will scare the lady away.

Okay so it has been about a good three weeks, maybe even more. You both have spent every morning socializing and drinking coffee, and now you want to take it up to the next level. (Keep in mind, that’s only a ‘casual date’). My best take on asking her on a date is to find out what her schedule is like, and say “WOULD YOU LIKE TO go out for dinner sometime?”. The woman might say “Sure, I would like that!”, or she might be somewhat hesitant in her answer. If she’s hesitant, don’t pressure her. Just leave it as it is, and continue on with socializing with her. It is what it is, but look what you have established and accomplished. Just because she may not be interested now, don’t mean she will not be interested later. Don’t blow it off on one take.

Now, let’s just say she has accepted your offer. Set up a time when she is free, ask her what her choice of food preferences are (Italian, Thai, French, American, Seafood, etc..), and now plan it all out. You [men] do the planning, and let your date sit back and enjoy herself.

Date Night

So you’ve asked her out on a date, and today is the day of your date. Perhaps it’s a romantic date, or a casual date. Whichever date it is, you want to make this the best and most memorable moment for you both. Our appearance is absolutely the number one thing a woman will see in us. Keep in mind that she might THINK she knows your style after seeing each other everyday, but go above and beyond.

Appearance: Always look presentable to the woman you are asking. Whether you are asking her on a date, or you’re on the date itself. Look nice, smell good, and dress to impress. You don’t have to go all out in $200 worth of clothing (unless that’s your style or depending on the date, it’s fine), I would recommend a buttoned collar shirt, nice slacks, or maybe even a suit of your choice. Hair nicely cut and trimmed. Facial Hair; some ladies may not be attracted to facial hair, some ladies are. So always make sure you double check on the facial hair. Please check your hygiene. Hygiene is the most important factor that will attract the woman. Nose cleaned, nose hairs trimmed, ears cleaned, teeth cleaned (always have a toothpick handy), good smelling breath, deodorant, and some sort of a good fragrance. One thing to realize is not all women are immune to strong cologne and fragrances, so don’t ever put too much on. Less is always more. And keep in mind that what you think smells good, may not smell good to her.

Conversation: Keeping the momentum going

What’s the best way to get things going in the right direction? Conversations. Men, we are the ones that have to keep up the momentum. Always have conversation starters and questions to ask your date. Complimenting will put your date in a comforting mood in which can also lead to many further talking. Men in scenario B, NOW is your chance to ask questions in getting to know more about that person you are with. If you’re at a restaurant, ask about their favorite food and drink interest are. Hobbies, music, movie interests, and current events that are going on. Think about what you both said at the coffee shop. I’m not saying you have to pressure with questions, but you want to keep the talking going back and forth. The one thing we get so hyped about is talking more about ourselves rather than letting the woman speak. That is another rule- MEN, NO BRAGGING. It’s not about ‘I’ all the time. Eventually, the lady will catch on the conversation and she will find many interests in you. Don’t bring up the past, because you never know how sensitive that person really is. Don’t lie about yourself just to interest her even more.

Etiquette: The number one impression that is an attraction to everyone, is etiquette. I’m not going to give a whole lesson on etiquette as far as table manners, but for starters, do the basic following procedures during the date.

Help your date with her things (holding her bag, watching her stuff, etc.)

Ask her how her food is, and maybe let her try some of your food.

Last but not least ALWAYS STAY ON TOP OF THE TIME.

If things ever go wrong, you should ALWAYS have a Plan B in mind. Even before planning this date, what are your options.

The Ending.

When the date is over and all activities are done with, walk up with her to the door of her house. Don’t ask or invite yourself to come in her house unless she invites you in. Remember, the date may have been good, but she may still be unsure about letting you inside her house. After all, it’s only the first date and nothing is “official”. So in other words, don’t plan on making ANY type of move. A hug is great. However, she MIGHT go for a kiss on a the cheek and say “I had a lovely time”. Remember, this night is about her. You just remember that you have done your part all along and have played it well. You don’t want only yourself to be satisfied but overall, you want her to be satisfied. Eventually, it may happen again. She might call you up sometime. Remember to not take anything fast. Take it all nice and slow. Who knows, It may become official soon.

Final thought

Oh on another note men, you also want to check out a woman’s hand. The way I see it is if she has a ring of some sort on her ring finger (especially a diamond ring), do not push it. Remember a ring could symbolize commitment.

Ronald Atkinson is a contributing writer at Collegefession™, He attends Kansas State. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram