"When Juiced.GS debuted in 1996, our readers were connecting to GEnie and Delphi on archaic dial-up modems, downloading files at a snail's pace," reflected editor-in-chief Ken Gagne. "Whether they were getting their Apple II news digitally from the Internet or from our magazine in the mail, they would be waiting for three months either way."

But advancements in information technology and social media have led to a near-constant news cycle of Apple II development. To adapt to this fast-paced era and to ensure timely content, Juiced.GS will be transitioning from a quarterly publication schedule to twice-monthly, with twenty-four physical issues being mailed to readers every year.

"We're very excited to offer our subscribers the same amount of news, reviews, interviews, and how-tos that Juiced.GS has always delivered," promised Gagne. "By which I mean, it'll still total eighty pages a year. What, did you think our hard-working staff of volunteers was just going to magically sextuple the amount of content?"

You'll never see issues of Juiced.GS this thick!

Each issue of Juiced.GS will consist of a three-page article on a single topic, giving readers time to pore over the content and try the new hardware, software, or programming techniques being covered. Two weeks later, they can expect another three-page issue, with a special four-page issue planned for KansasFest 2020. Subscribers can upgrade to a premium edition that comes pre-punched for collecting into three-ring binders.

"Australia has always had more Apple II gatherings than Juiced.GS has issues, making it difficult to stay up on events like WOzFest," noted Juiced.GS staff writer Andrew Roughan. "Now we're cutting months off the delay from when you read about something on Facebook or in Slack to when it appears in Juiced.GS. Once you fall into the cadence of our regular morsels of content, you'll wonder how you ever had the attention span to read a full twenty pages."

"I used to complain about Juiced.GS's slow postal delivery on a quarterly basis," complained fellow Australian Michael Mulhern. "Now I get to complain about my favorite magazine biweekly!"

APRIL 1, 2019 — LEOMINSTER, MA — Gamebits, renowned publisher of Juiced.GS and retailer of Apple II books and software, is introducing a new cryptocurrency for use exclusively in retrocomputing transactions.

Juicybits™ will be a groundbreaking payment method powered by blockchain technology, adapted to run on 8-bit machines. Apple II users, known to hoard more vintage machines than they could ever possibly use, can finally set their collections to the task of recouping the investment in this expensive and otherwise purely nostalgic hobby.

The AppleCrate can mine as much as one Juicybit™ per month.

As with any cryptocurrency, the more processing power available, the more Juicybits™ can be mined. As Juicybits™ can be produced only on Apple II hardware, Juiced.GS publisher Gamebits has partnered with Michael J. Mahon to sell AppleCrates to any parties interested in getting in on the ground floor. These towers of sixteen networked Apple II motherboards are expected to initially mine one Juicybit™ per month. An AppleCrate server farm is also currently being constructed at Rockhurst University, where KansasFest attendees can lease time on additional processors. Negotiations are ongoing to provide the school's Corcoran Hall with additional air-conditioning units.

Individual users are welcome to participate using their existing retrocomputing hardware via a broadband Internet connection. Consistent with the decentralized nature of cryptocurrency, blocks will be scattered across a number of telnet BBS message boards, waiting to be found and verified. Spectrum Internet Suite, the graphical web browser for which support was recently discontinued, will also be updated. When paired with the web-hosting software Silver Platter, Apple IIGS users will be able to deliver and engage in cryptojacking.

Apple II users without an Uthernet card can elect for their next issue of Juiced.GS to be bundled with an encrypted block on a 5.25" floppy disk. When the block is verified, it can be mailed back to Gamebits to be added to the blockchain. Limited editions of Juiced.GS will also include printed blocks that can be typed into an Apple II to be verified.

Whether the blocks are delivered digitally or via physical media, Juicybits™' encryption and privacy are as strong as any other cryptocurrency, as the Apple II flies below the radar of most malevolent hackers. Mysterious cracker 4am has promised to set his sights on Juicybits™ as soon as the Internet Archive contains all Apple II floppies ever made — a threat ameliorated through judicious application of Zeno's dichotomy paradox.

Juicybits™ will prove an exciting financial opportunity for Apple II users. Other cryptocurrencies, including Bitcoin, Dogecoin, and Ethereum, can be exchanged for Juicybits™ on the free market. Due to the limited pool of Apple II computers available, Juicybits™ will have a high initial value, with an exchange rate of a dozen Juicybits™ per Bitcoin. Each Juicybit™ can then be used to extend a Juiced.GS subscription for one month.

As Juicybits™ gain momentum, widespread market penetration is expected to occur by mid-2020. ReActiveMicro will not only be the second store to adopt Juicybits™, but will do so exclusively, abandoning other payment methods. Said an enthusiastic Henry Courbis, "If you thought our TransWarp processors were impressive, wait until you see our payment processors!"

UPDATE: Upon further forensic analysis, it has been determined that no data breach did in fact occur.

"Advertisers and data brokers have returned our subscriber information to us intact and unopened," said Gagne. "None of them had the hardware or software with which to decipher our AppleWorks database format on 5.25" floppy, rendering the files useless to them."

APRIL 1, 2018 — LEOMINSTER, MA —Juiced.GS, the world's last and longest-running print publication dedicated to the Apple II, is the latest victim of a grievous and unlikely data breach.

"Our subscribers' privacy is sacrosanct, and their information will never be traded, sold, or shared," said publisher Ken Gagne. "Unfortunately, no security is impregnable. There was simply no way to know that trying to connect with my friends in FarmVille would give Facebook access to our customer database."

As a result of this breach, personally identifiable information (PII) about Apple II users has been made accessible to advertisers, data brokers, and political influencers, including the notorious Kansas Analytica. Among this PII are detailed subscriber demographics, including Apple II model, CPU speed, KansasFest roommate preference, and position on waiting lists for CFFA3000 and Uthernet II cards.

As a preventive measure against identity theft, Juiced.GS publisher Gamebits will offer subscribers a two-year subscription to data protection service LifeLock. Or, at least, it would like to. "When I called LifeLock and explained that I was concerned unscrupulous individuals would claim to be owners of 40-year-old Apple computers with 64 KB of RAM and a 140K floppy drive, they laughed and hung up," a confused Gagne related.

The repercussions of this breach have been immediate, as experienced by subscriber Kirk Millwood. "Previously, my web browsing would be plagued by advertisements for mattresses, web hosting, toenail fungus removal, and more," complained Millwood. "Now I'm being targeted with ads for 65816 accelerators, CompactFlash readers, modem emulators, and Pascal compilers. This is GREAT!"

Do you like applesauce? Then Amazon recommends you also try Juiced.GS.

"This breach is the best thing to happen to the retrocomputing community in a long time," agreed Evan Koblentz, organizer of the Vintage Computer Festival (VCF). "I never knew which, if any, Apple II users would show up to our events. Now I know exactly who they are — and what varieties of Krispy Kreme donuts will lure them here."

Gamebits will continue to investigate how to reclaim its data and prevent further dissemination. One drastic measure is already on the horizon: after this coming May's implementation of the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), Juiced.GS will be banned from the European Union. Former subscribers should instead register for Juiced.FR, a new, French-language quarterly Apple II journal published by Brutal Deluxe.

Assured Brutal Deluxe's Antoine Vignau: "Brutal Deluxe will protect the data of its subscribers as thoroughly as the Maginot line."

APRIL 1, 2017 — LEOMINSTER, MA —Juiced.GS, the world's last and longest-running print publication dedicated to the Apple II, is finally eliminating traditional hardcopy delivery in favor of a more reliable distribution method.

"Relying on the United States Postal Service to deliver our magazine has resulted in several cantankerous subscribers, especially in Australia," grumbled publisher Ken Gagne. "We've explored alternative carriers — UPS, FedEx, DHL — and not one offered the the satisfaction guarantee that Apple II customers deserve."

Concluded Gagne: "Sometimes, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself."

Starting immediately, all Juiced.GS subscribers will enjoy personal hand delivery of their issues. As a preliminary trial run, customers in select test markets received their March issues directly from Gagne, resulting in glowing praise. Carrington Vanston, host of the prolific 1 MHz podcast, gushed:

I don't know if I'm supposed to give away the secrets of the 8-bit publishing star chamber, but I can tell you non-subscribers something you might not know about Juiced.GS: when you subscribe, every issue you receive has been hand-lettered in gold-flaked ink by ex-Apple employees. And then — then, Ken Gagne puts it in his car and he drives it to you anywhere in the world (he's got like a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang kind of car) and he hand-delivers your copy. He comes right into your house — you know, breaks in or whatever — and then he places it right on your coffee table, squares it up all nice and neat with a t-bar. The presentation is amazing. I mean, okay, sure, he usually, you know, goes through your fridge or whatever, but this is the kind of service you just don't see anymore from the mainstream press. You really only see it from a publisher who's had the foresight and the dedication to collect the wisdom and the, you know, the actual brains of the great magazine publishers of the eighties. You should see his collection! It's — it's … it's frankly terrifying.

Juiced.GS subscribers will know their issue is en route when they spot the magazine's unique branded vehicle coming down the street.

The official Juiced.GS delivery wagon.

"I look forward to visiting our loyal subscribers wherever they may live, day or night — whatever it takes to ensure every customer, everywhere, is reading every single word and sentence we slaved over," Gagne menaced. "Apple II… FOREVER!!"

As a consequence of this improved service, Juiced.GS is changing its publication frequency from quarterly to annually, to allow time for delivery. The last customer is scheduled to receive their next issue in March 2018. Renewals are now being accepted.

APRIL 1, 2016 — LEOMINSTER, MA — In a rare show of support for modern-day Apple Inc., Juiced.GS has come out on the side of encryption in the ongoing battle between the former manufacturer of the Apple II and the FBI.

It's on.

"It is every developer's and every publisher's right to communicate with their customers without the government eavesdropping," said magazine editor Ken Gagne. "That goes for Juiced.GS as well. But with a number of Juiced.GS issues addressed to Australia being inexplicably delayed or intercepted, we can only assume agents within the USPS are funneling our magazines to the FBI for analysis. This is a gross breach of our customers' confidentiality: our hacker interviews, programming tutorials, and game reviews are for subscribers' eyes only."

To defeat this latest threat to our intrinsic freedom and national security, all issues of Juiced.GS will now come with AES 128-bit encryption. The encoded text can be typed into an Apple II running The Byte Works' Crypto software, available from the Juiced.GS store, resulting in a seamless, integrated reading experience. An accelerator card is recommended to allow each issue to be decrypted before the next quarter's Juiced.GS arrives. Other compatible hardware includes the Quickie handheld scanner for faster input and the CFFA3000 for optional two-factor authentication via a USB dongle.

Juiced.GS readers have long requested a digital edition of the magazine, so to produce this new format, the longest-running Apple II print publication is taking a cue from a successful predecessor. "We're big fans of Nibble and know our readers will appreciate this return to typing in programs from magazine—except this time, the program is the magazine," said Gagne. Supporting this new initiative, Juiced.GS will begin publishing 'one-liner' articles, starting with movie reviews by Eric 'Sheppy' Shepherd.

"Although we traditionally are a politically neutral publication, we felt this stance was an important one to take," affirmed Gagne. "And a safe one: we bet not even the All Writs Act of 1789 will know what to do with an Apple II."