Terminal Lancehttp://terminallance.com
I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier.Tue, 03 Mar 2015 09:14:20 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1Terminal Lance #367 “Motivation Levels Over Time”http://terminallance.com/2015/03/03/terminal-lance-367-motivation-levels-over-time/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=terminal-lance-367-motivation-levels-over-time
http://terminallance.com/2015/03/03/terminal-lance-367-motivation-levels-over-time/#commentsTue, 03 Mar 2015 08:54:21 +0000http://terminallance.com/?p=2866Those of you that haven’t served in the military might not be familiar with the term “motivation.” Well, I mean, I’m sure you’ve heard the word itself, but it takes on a very specific context within the Marine Corps. I shall provide you with the Marine Corps definition of motivation: mo·ti·va·tion ˌmōdəˈvāSH(ə)n/ noun The amount of […]]]>

Those of you that haven’t served in the military might not be familiar with the term “motivation.” Well, I mean, I’m sure you’ve heard the word itself, but it takes on a very specific context within the Marine Corps. I shall provide you with the Marine Corps definition of motivation:

mo·ti·va·tion

ˌmōdəˈvāSH(ə)n/

noun

The amount of fucks a Marine gives, specifically as it relates to Marine Corps activities and lifestyle.

To be labeled as “moto” is generally a grave insult to the Lance Corporal crowd, as it insinuates that you give a fuck. Things that would be considered moto:

A high and tight haircut

An Eagle, Globe and Anchor tattoo or decoration

Wearing a Camelbak

The English Bulldog

When a Marine enters the Corps, he has profoundly high levels of motivation coursing through his boot veins. He tears up at the sight of bald eagles, wears a Camelbak in civilian attire to “stay hydrated,” buys 7.62 T-shirts at the PX, and randomly hums “left, right, layo” to himself. He won’t see this level of motivation again for quite some time.

As the young Marine matures into his MOS and unit assignment, he starts to question things. Was this really what he was looking for? Is cleaning your rifle 4 times a week without firing it really necessary? He starts to see the character of the environment around him, maybe even tossed an NJP or two for something that might not have been his fault.

Legend has it that this begins as soon as he is pinned with the rank of “Lance Corporal,” but no one knows for sure. Motivation levels here are at an all-time low, and will stay this way for the majority of his short enlistment.

Once the Marine exits the Corps, however, you’ll see motivation levels rise to near-boot status. He’ll show up to his new college, utilizing the GI Bill, telling war stories to anyone that will hear them. He’ll start using Marine jargon again and maybe even a knife hand or two–he might even consider talking to a prior-service recruiter.

Yes, a recruiter.

Assuming he doesn’t succumb to the extremely high levels of motivation during these vulnerable college years, he might make it out the other side as a relatively normal civilian again. Yes, with time, the motivation starts to fade. It doesn’t ever fall back into negative, as it did while you were a Lance Corporal, but it rather floats back down to a nice neutral–the experience now a positive part of your past and development. Looking back with a warm fondness for the people you met and the strange things you saw, you find yourself back where you started…

…just another civilian in a big, big world… and with most of your life left to live.

This is science, I didn’t make this up.

Anyway… Miss me?

Sorry for my brief leave of absence, but I assure you it certainly wasn’t a vacation for me. Long story short: the servers totally shit the bed two Fridays ago and it took about 5 days for them to come back up to any kind of normal operating level. In that time (and with a lot of panicking) I made the decision to switch to a new hosting provider, which was a handful and a half of working round the clock all last week getting the new site set up on the new servers. Things are now fully operational, on this end as well as our brand new forum.

Hopefully we won’t have any hiccups, but some things are still a little wonky after the move. The random button in particular has been giving me a lot of grief. On an admin note, I’m trying out the sidebar ad again, so if you experience any redirects or pop-ups please let me know. I’m trying to provide a hassle-free experience here, and while ads are a necessary evil to keep things running, I like them to be non-intrusive.

Stay tuned, we’re back in business and Terminal Lance isn’t going anywhere any time soon.

]]>http://terminallance.com/2015/03/03/terminal-lance-367-motivation-levels-over-time/feed/0WTF is going on?http://terminallance.com/2015/02/27/wtf-is-going-on/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=wtf-is-going-on
http://terminallance.com/2015/02/27/wtf-is-going-on/#commentsSat, 28 Feb 2015 05:06:45 +0000http://terminallance.com/?p=2863Hey everyone, I just wanted to write a quick post about what has been happening with TL over the last week or so.

Long story short, there was some kind of cataclysmic database/server crash a week ago that took the site down. Huge pain in everyone’s ass, it took the site 5 days to get back to reasonable functionality. Regardless, I couldn’t post a new comic because I was really worried about the stability of the site. Posting a new comic only to have the influx of traffic completely crash everything again just wasn’t an option, so I played it koi while we worked on getting the site set up on some new servers.

It was a hard decision to change hosting providers, as the guys I had been with at UD had been absolutely phenomenal over the years with their intricate work on the site and really keeping it going despite some crazy high traffic at times. However, the site and traffic has grown much larger over the years and I had to find a provider that would be more suitable for Terminal Lance.

Anyway, we are officially on new servers now! Regular comic updates will resume next week. If you’re a forum member, you might want to head over to the new forum and fill out yer daggon’ profile.

]]>http://terminallance.com/2015/02/27/wtf-is-going-on/feed/0Terminal Lance #366 “God Loves Marines II”http://terminallance.com/2015/02/17/terminal-lance-366-god-loves-marines-ii/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=terminal-lance-366-god-loves-marines-ii
http://terminallance.com/2015/02/17/terminal-lance-366-god-loves-marines-ii/#commentsTue, 17 Feb 2015 23:17:28 +0000http://terminallance.com/?p=2855Does anyone else think Marines get kind of a raw deal when they die? It’s like you spend your entire enlistment putting up with bullshit, then god forbid you end up at St. Peter’s door, where he sends you to CIF to get your new gear. What the fuck, man? How come none of the […]]]>

Does anyone else think Marines get kind of a raw deal when they die? It’s like you spend your entire enlistment putting up with bullshit, then god forbid you end up at St. Peter’s door, where he sends you to CIF to get your new gear.

What the fuck, man? How come none of the other branches have to deal with this shit when they die? Also, do you think maybe Marines have to do like one enlistment in heaven? Like there’s Marines that keep re-upping in heaven and then there’s also short-timer Lance Corporals that don’t give a fuck. I only ask because if I died and (presumably) went to heaven, I wonder if I’d see Marines wearing MARPAT and plate carriers or if I’d see dudes standing post looking like this:

More importantly though, why does heaven need Marines to guard it? Do you think there’s insurgent demons regularly trying to attack from Hell?

I really hope Marines only have to do singular enlistments once they get up to heaven though, cause really, it’s kind of a dick move to make them stand post for the rest of eternity. I bet there’s a ton of dick drawings on the walls in heaven too.

Anyway, these are random musings. I’m not particularly religious in the first place.

]]>http://terminallance.com/2015/02/17/terminal-lance-366-god-loves-marines-ii/feed/0Terminal Lance “Happy Valentine’s Day 2015″http://terminallance.com/2015/02/13/terminal-lance-happy-valentines-day-2015/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=terminal-lance-happy-valentines-day-2015
http://terminallance.com/2015/02/13/terminal-lance-happy-valentines-day-2015/#commentsFri, 13 Feb 2015 22:00:28 +0000http://terminallance.com/?p=2852And they lived happily ever after… For a few months, then he went on deployment so she started shooting low-budget Craigslist pornos out of his house and then left him for another Marine while taking all of his money. The whole Dependapotamus thing is a weird and common phenomenon in the military. I personally think […]]]>

And they lived happily ever after… For a few months, then he went on deployment so she started shooting low-budget Craigslist pornos out of his house and then left him for another Marine while taking all of his money.

The whole Dependapotamus thing is a weird and common phenomenon in the military. I personally think it’s driven mostly by the ludicrously generous system in which the military will essentially pay you exponentially more money in the form of BAH (Base Allowance for Housing) if you happen to drag a woman along with you. It’s kind of strange, I can’t think of any other job where you’re literally paid to be married.

Let’s be real though, being married in the military is a lot better than being single. You get to move out of the barracks–avoiding field day and general fuckery; you also get a lot more money added on to your paycheck if you choose to live off base (especially in expensive areas like Hawaii, where an E-1 with dependents can net a whopping $2922/month). These benefits unfortunately lead to Marines getting married at unreasonably young ages, before they’ve even figured themselves out at the age of 19 or 20. Most of the people I know who got married while active duty are now divorced a few years post-EAS.

But hey, that’s not to say that every military wife is a morbidly obese money-sponge out for the bennies. To their credit, the wives that do care go through a lot of stress in the whole situation–constantly moving around to different bases, worrying about you while you’re deployed, often raising children without the physical support of a husband. I want to make it clear that these are not the wives I am making fun of here.

But I must digress, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow! There’s never been a better time to ask that stripper you just met to be yours for the rest of your lives. To help you in your endeavors this weekend, I’ve created some Valentine’s Day cards for you! Feel free to print them out and use them!

]]>http://terminallance.com/2015/02/13/terminal-lance-happy-valentines-day-2015/feed/0Terminal Lance #365 “Back to Basics”http://terminallance.com/2015/02/10/terminal-lance-365-back-to-basics/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=terminal-lance-365-back-to-basics
http://terminallance.com/2015/02/10/terminal-lance-365-back-to-basics/#commentsTue, 10 Feb 2015 20:39:01 +0000http://terminallance.com/?p=2848For the salty Marine, there is nothing more degrading and humiliating than being forced to walk somewhere on base in formation with the rest of your squad or platoon and actually having to use drill maneuvers you’ve gradually forgotten over the years. After boot camp, there generally isn’t any real reason to use all of […]]]>

For the salty Marine, there is nothing more degrading and humiliating than being forced to walk somewhere on base in formation with the rest of your squad or platoon and actually having to use drill maneuvers you’ve gradually forgotten over the years.

After boot camp, there generally isn’t any real reason to use all of that drill you learned. As it generally goes, once you’re in the fleet, drill is reduced to a shadow of its former presence in your life, consisting mostly of clusterfuck groupings with people shuffling around however they please. Of course, this is to be expected, you’re an adult after all and why not be treated like one? The only time you use drill in the fleet is when your platoon has fucked up somehow, or you’re in some lame shit like Corporal’s Course. Having to use it to traverse the base is the ultimate punishment, as it puts you in plain sight of all of the other Marines aboard the base, unable to even look at them (not that you’d want to, since you know they’re all laughing at you anyway).

In any case, I’d like to apologize to the lower enlisted Marines today, as I think I just gave your Staff NCO’s an idea to humiliate you all.

In other news, I was going to do a strip about the whole Brian Williams thing but I think the moment for that has kind of passed. Either way, there’s a huge collection of awesome memes to laugh at over at the Terminal Lance Facebook page. Don’t forget, the one and only official Terminal Lance Twitter account is here. (Even though Twitter has stated they won’t verify me because I’m an “artist,” whatever that means… Seriously.)

]]>http://terminallance.com/2015/02/10/terminal-lance-365-back-to-basics/feed/0Terminal Lance “Activities Page!”http://terminallance.com/2015/02/06/terminal-lance-activities-page/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=terminal-lance-activities-page
http://terminallance.com/2015/02/06/terminal-lance-activities-page/#commentsFri, 06 Feb 2015 21:39:43 +0000http://terminallance.com/?p=2845Today I thought we’d have a little fun and do a neat connect-the-dots puzzle! Don’t you remember how awesome those old activity books were when you were a kid? For someone who grew up to be an artist I actually was always terrible at coloring inside the lines. It’s unfortunate that once you become older […]]]>

Today I thought we’d have a little fun and do a neat connect-the-dots puzzle!

Don’t you remember how awesome those old activity books were when you were a kid? For someone who grew up to be an artist I actually was always terrible at coloring inside the lines. It’s unfortunate that once you become older the world stops being so fun. How come no one makes stuff like this for adults? It’s not like once you get older you start hating things that are fun.

Maybe I should make an entire book of this stuff for Marines…

Anyway, obviously I don’t have an pointed commentary to add to this strip, but it’s the weekend and you should have fun. Since the strip is kind of small resolution, I’m including a higher resolution version that you can print out and complete yourself!

]]>http://terminallance.com/2015/02/06/terminal-lance-activities-page/feed/0Terminal Lance #364 “Greeting of the Day”http://terminallance.com/2015/02/03/terminal-lance-364-greeting-of-the-day/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=terminal-lance-364-greeting-of-the-day
http://terminallance.com/2015/02/03/terminal-lance-364-greeting-of-the-day/#commentsTue, 03 Feb 2015 21:54:12 +0000http://terminallance.com/?p=2840The “Greeting of the Day” as its known has always been profoundly annoying to me. I’ve talked about this a few times before, but there’s something just frustrating about being a lower enlisted Marine walking around the base and constantly being on guard, ready to greet anyone that pops around the corner with the correct […]]]>

The “Greeting of the Day” as its known has always been profoundly annoying to me. I’ve talked about this a few times before, but there’s something just frustrating about being a lower enlisted Marine walking around the base and constantly being on guard, ready to greet anyone that pops around the corner with the correct time of day and rank, lest you be accosted for ignoring their glorious presence. The worst is when you do everything you’re supposed to–you see their rank and you remember correctly what time of day it is and you send it their way–and then they just ignore you because they hear it 10,000 times a day.

I’ve always wondered if it’s even more annoying from the Staff NCO/Officer point of view, considering they are constantly barraged with greetings from random peons they’ve never even met before. Then again, it must not be, because god help you for the epic ass rending you’ll receive if you forget to.

I feel like over the years of Terminal Lance there have been trends in how I do the comic strips. Sometimes I focus more on pop culture, others I pick apart the little things; but I feel like this comic really harkens back to the old days of Terminal Lance. As things have gone on, I often feel like I’m always supposed to make some grand overarching statement with everything I do, when in reality sometimes I just like to make jokes about little things that bug me. In the end, I suppose it doesn’t really matter as long as things are funny.

Things will be changing up a bit in the Terminal Lance world soon, but the goal will always be the same: entertain Marines. Life in the Corps can suck, that’s no secret, but I like to think that reading or watching something funny can make it suck just a little bit less.

Lastly, I just want to say: who throws a pass from the 1 yard line?

Also, six more weeks of winter? Charlie, at this beautiful day at the beach the other day, disagrees. He also says that groundhog is a dumb fucking boot.

]]>http://terminallance.com/2015/02/03/terminal-lance-364-greeting-of-the-day/feed/0Terminal Lance #363 “Boot(Camp) Stories”http://terminallance.com/2015/01/30/terminal-lance-363-bootcamp-stories/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=terminal-lance-363-bootcamp-stories
http://terminallance.com/2015/01/30/terminal-lance-363-bootcamp-stories/#commentsFri, 30 Jan 2015 22:05:54 +0000http://terminallance.com/?p=2837There’s a strange paradox in the Corps when it comes to regaling stories of the one and only thing that literally all Marines have in common: Recruit Training (otherwise known as boot camp). On the one hand, everyone has been there and can share common ground regardless of their further experiences in the Corps; on […]]]>

There’s a strange paradox in the Corps when it comes to regaling stories of the one and only thing that literally all Marines have in common: Recruit Training (otherwise known as boot camp). On the one hand, everyone has been there and can share common ground regardless of their further experiences in the Corps; on the other, there’s nothing more boot than a boot telling boot camp stories. The average Senior Lance Corporal would rather be literally anywhere else than listening to a fresh-faced 18 year old tell him about that one time when the Drill Instructor got so mad.

This could just be because everybody hates boots anyway, but it is strange considering we’ve all been there. Once you go on a combat deployment though, boot camp becomes a distant memory, and likely one of the least interesting things you’ve done through your experiences.

Don’t get me wrong, even senior Marines tell boot camp stories, but they almost qualify it first with:

“I know this is boot as fuck to talk about, but this one time at boot camp…”

Still, boot camp is a universally shitty experience for everyone. Actually, last night I was throwing this comic strip idea at a Marine I went on both deployments to Iraq with, and we concurred that we would both rather go back to Iraq than boot camp again. It’s not that you fear for your life in boot camp, it’s just that it really fucking sucks. That’s really the only way to describe it.

I’d like to take a moment to apologize for the issues with the ads we’ve been having. I’ve gotten complaints of people being redirected and such, which shouldn’t be happening. Also, auto playing ads shouldn’t be happening either. Both issues are being looked into and hopefully will be fixed soon. In the meantime, have a great weekend and remember what my First Sergeant used to say:

If it looks like shit and smells like shit, it probably is shit. Don’t be the one to step in it.

What would be the most logical career step after the US Marine Corps? We’re doubtful that creating a monster-catching role-playing game would be your first guess, but Stewart McLean is doing just that.

After proudly serving his country, this outstanding Marine is devoting his free time to helping the world reminisce about a simpler time when the most important thing was finding and catching all of the Monsters. Stewart grew up playing videogames with his brother, and eventually graduated to Magic the Gathering, which got him hooked. In college, Stew joined a gaming group where he met lifelong friends that would eventually become the members of Late Knight Games, LLC.

As one of the owners of Late Knight Games, LLC, Stewart is embarking on a new adventure that plans to bring a new and creative spin on the monster-catching genre made popular by such series as Pokemon, Monster Rancher, and Digimon with their debut product MajiMonsters. Stew’s vision will bring monster-catching to new heights in the form of a tabletop role-playing game. This game has gone through more than two years of development, beta-testing, and revision. Late Knight Games recently launched their Kickstarter campaign.

The premise of the game is simple. In a world ruled by Monsters, humans have been driven to the brink of extinction. All that remains of the great empire are ruins and memories. In the game you take on the role of a binder, a unique human that can bind Monsters to themselves, and use them as both weapons and companions. You choose from one of six unique binder classes, each of which uses different approaches to binding, fighting, and training the Monsters of this world. Then, you can explore a savage landscape and encounter a variety of Monsters with combinations of 10 affinities such as fire, mystic, or wind. Binders roam the land for their own reasons, to make a name for themselves, to search out ancient treasures, or possibly just to find a way to survive this harsh world. This survivalist, adventure game is easy enough for novice role-players, and features a depth of customization that will impress the most veteran of gamers.

If you’ve ever loved the monster-catching genre, table-top RPGs, fun, or know someone who likes any of these things, we hope you will check out the MajiMonsters website and their Kickstarter campaign. This is a new and unique spin on an old favorite that will entice fans both young and old.

And if you think you can be caught unaware and unprepared, just remember one simple and ominous truth:

]]>http://terminallance.com/2015/01/28/maji-monsters/feed/0Terminal Lance “No Sugar” (Marine Corps Times)http://terminallance.com/2015/01/27/terminal-lance-no-sugar-marine-corps-times/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=terminal-lance-no-sugar-marine-corps-times
http://terminallance.com/2015/01/27/terminal-lance-no-sugar-marine-corps-times/#commentsTue, 27 Jan 2015 21:37:16 +0000http://terminallance.com/?p=2827I imagine that getting coffee at a Starbucks is always a really strange feeling for Staff NCO’s used to having people at their disposal pretty much all the time. There’s an added flavor to “bitch labor” that none of the syrups and blends can really provide. Some say it’s simply a psychological thing that makes […]]]>

I imagine that getting coffee at a Starbucks is always a really strange feeling for Staff NCO’s used to having people at their disposal pretty much all the time. There’s an added flavor to “bitch labor” that none of the syrups and blends can really provide. Some say it’s simply a psychological thing that makes the coffee taste better, others suggest that maybe disgruntled Lance Corporals add various bodily fluids to each pot… but no one can say for sure.

As you might have guessed, this is a comic that was previously published in the Marine Corps Times newspaper. Did you know I’ve done over 200 comic strips for the paper alone? This, combined with the roughly 400 comic strips I’ve done for the website, add up to a staggering amount of drawings and jokes. I don’t sleep much, and like most Staff NCO’s I’m a big fan of coffee. Anyway, I’m putting this up today instead of drawing a new one because I’m just kind of exhausted at the moment and I have a staggering amount of work to do on the book still as I try to get it out the door.

Bear with me for the next couple of months, I’ve got a lot of big things in the works and I am but one ruggedly good-looking man.

Remember, comic updates are Tuesday and Friday (plus weekly Marine Times strips in the print edition)! Look forward to a new strip on Friday.