How to Stop Obsessing About That One Perfect Date

Have you been on a perfect date that felt like it came straight out of the movies? It can be hard to top, and even harder to stop obsessing over!

There will be times when you meet someone who seems like a perfect match. After one date, you realize that this person is all you can think about. What happens when that person doesn’t feel the same way? Do you obsess about that one fleeting moment you had together or do you move on?

Dating is like a ritualistic dance done by two strangers who are looking for a suitable mate. You go through the motions by going out, getting to know each other and having as much fun as possible. It sounds like the perfect arrangement, but that’s only limited to the small amount of time you spend together.

Why do people obsess about one date?

Even if it seemed like the ideal date, you can never tell if it will lead to more than just that. Let’s say that you had an awesome time and you felt like the person you were with was the one you were meant to spend your life with. That is as far as it goes.

Your perception is the only thing that is driving your emotions. You haven’t taken into account the emotions of the other party. Are you sure that they like you? Or were they just humoring you until the date was over? You won’t know until you ask, right?

But people rarely ask. There are those who are smart enough to see right through the situation, while there are those who would happily live in a bubble of denial. Sadly, it’s a person’s idealistic nature that is to blame. That is because you just had an amazing date. It’s a testament to the start of a great relationship, right?

Wrong. Just because a date went well, it does not mean that it will lead to a relationship. It is understandable that you would think so, but don’t put all your bets on one night together. There is still more to a relationship than the first date. You have to observe how a person treats you after and note their consistency when it comes to expressing their affection towards you. [Read: Could it be limerence, the feeling that’s one step below love?]

What happens when you obsess over one date?

As much as you’d like to believe that you are not obsessing over one date, you should be aware of the signs, so you can acknowledge the fact that there is something wrong with the situation. Here’s what happens when you refuse to let go of that unforgettable night.

#1 You keep waiting for something that’s not going to happen. Even though the truth is right in front of you, you refuse to acknowledge it, because you’re expecting your date to fix the situation. You tend to wait for their call, their text or even an update on their Facebook page. When none of it arrives, you still insist on waiting for them until they are ready. [Read: 15 signs your date may just be leading you on]

#2 You start to ignore other opportunities. Other people are waiting for their chance to ask you out. You could be ignoring them because you have invested yourself in the person you went on that perfect date with. You refuse to allow yourself to develop affections for anyone else, until you receive closure from the last date.

#3 You start to develop theories. And that’s all they are – theories. You hypothesize that they’re not calling you because they’re busy. They’re ignoring you because they want to think about their options. You start to question your value and whether or not it’s your fault that the date didn’t go as well as you thought. You overthink things, while the person you like isn’t losing sleep over it at all. [Read: 20 possible reasons your perfect date is now ignoring you]

#4 You try to fix the problem. Although the problem is your unwillingness to let go of that one person, you start to think that the problem is a lack of motivation, attraction or even connection. You start to fix yourself up, get their attention and even ask for another chance. It might work, but the issue is not its success rate. The issue is your insistence on seeing a person who is not interested in you.

#5 You lash out emotionally. Once the message is clear, you start to blame that person for making you like them. They start to come out as the bad guy, even though they didn’t do anything to get your hopes up. It is not their fault that you enjoyed their company. They were just exploring their options. Unfortunately for you, they didn’t end up feeling the same way as you. When you realize that you can’t call them out on anything legitimate, you start blaming yourself for getting into the situation in the first place.

Now, don’t those things make up one big messy and depressing situation? This should be enough to convince you to get over that person, right? If it’s not enough, there are still ways for you to stop obsessing about that one date.

How to stop obsessing over one date?

It’s not going to be easy to push that perfect date out of your mind. It will be even harder if you’ve already envisioned your next date, your relationship, your sex life and, horror of horrors, your marriage. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either. [Read: 13 ways to avoid falling in love with someone]

#1 Call it like you see it. A date is just a date. It is not a proposal. It is basically a test drive for you to see whether you are compatible with the person you are seeing. You lay out your intentions and decide whether you both want the same things. If it doesn’t work out, you move on to the next one.

#2 Know your worth. If your date doesn’t see everything good in you, it is their loss. You can’t value yourself based on other people’s perceptions. That is the reason why you won’t let go of this person. There’s something in you that wants to prove them wrong. You are a catch already, and you do not need a date to validate that for you.

#3 Your happiness is not their responsibility. Just because you enjoyed one date, it does not mean that it’s the only way for you to achieve happiness. You can’t redo the night if your date is not interested. The best thing you can do is to keep it in your memories and look forward to your next amazing date with someone better suited for you.

#4 Be perceptive. Use your instinct. If it looks like your date isn’t planning on seeing you again, stop pushing for it to happen. They will not call you. They will give you vague promises of a rain check. They will be nice about it. But it’s up to you to decide whether you want to pursue someone who’s not willing to commit to you.

#5 Distract yourself. The only way for you to stop obsessing about one thing is for you to transfer your attention to something else. Try to focus on your work, your friends or your family. Anything else that can occupy your mind is a helpful tool in forgetting about the so-called person of your dreams.

#6 Accept it. If you really want to get over your obsession, you have to face the truth. Don’t make excuses for the person that you like. Don’t make excuses for yourself. Stop giving them chances because they are not looking for one. The best thing that you can do is to move on with your life, and actively refrain from thinking about this person. [Read: 6 big excuses that will only get you nowhere]

Obsessing over one measly date might seem extreme, but it happens to the best of us. That’s because there are still those who put their hearts on the line, even if it’s with a stranger. Don’t feel bad about it. Be proud that you have the ability to care about someone, even if it’s just for a short while.

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Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...

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DISCUSSION

4 thoughts on “How to Stop Obsessing About That One Perfect Date”

I had to really search my memory banks trying to recall if I had ever had one perfect date. I think that achievement has escaped me. Looking at the points in your article as to what perfect dates are what they mean I see how anyone would be obsessive about getting to that point. Who doesn’t want to arrive home after that date and just sit and relive it or tear up with joy. Now having been on some really scary failures I had tried to figure out what had gone so terribly awry. We hadn’t clicked, no chemistry and so it went down hill. I had to realize that was not the end of the world and that I was worth so much more and he could not be fixed by me. So today I really do try and not get too caught up in the perfect elusive date.

There is no perfect first date and we all have to just accept that reality. It never will end if you obsess with it every single damn time. The fantasy of having the perfect date and finding that perfect someone is not going to happen. You have to just be constant and stay with a person for a long time until you can get to know them and know them very well and take the time and give them the chance to know you better as well. That’s the only way you can have the perfect date that you so ask for. It will take both party’s efforts and it will not work if you just dream of it. You make it work and make it reality. It’s connected to what you and your partner brings to the table. It’s how you fight for what you feel deep down inside. Make you love alive and your love will never die. That’s the best piece of advice I could give and accept it because it’s real talk. Stop believing what’s not going to happen and focus on things that could happen if you work for it hard enough.

Girls, please don’t obsess about the perfect date because time will come and you won’t even notice it because you have been obsessing on it for so long. Just chill and just be yourself. The man of your dreams will turn into reality one day and you will really see that. Please welcome change into your life because the more changes life brings to you, the closer you get to getting that perfect date from the man that you love. It may take a few dates to make it a perfect date with your man because you really have to learn from each other a lot first before you go on and jibber jabber around. You will have to be patient with your partner and just go where your love will take you. I know it’s hard to wait but trust me, it’s so going to be worth it and you will thank me later on. Right now, just enjoy your life, relax, chill, have a kitkat and push all the stress away. You would one day meet a man and that would be a really special moment for you. Just don’t obsess with it, okay? You will have the perfect date and you will keep having the perfect date when you found the perfect man. I really wish the best of luck to you and your life. Please don’t lose hope and just be yourself every single day, he will come, I promise.

So my girlfriend and I ended our 4 year relationship last week. That is probably a whole other post in itself. The short version is that she was pulling away, being less affectionate, we were arguing more etc. and I sort of gave her something of an ultimatum. We tried to work through it for ~3 months and then at the end she thought nothing had changes and moved out. So now we are split. The problem is I feel like I am still per protector. Or worse, that she “belongs” to me in some way (I know that sounds terrible but it’s difficult to describe). She isn’t dating anyone but she is very attractive and popular in our locale, so the vultures have already started circling.