Mark Wahlberg Got Drunk On British Television, Challenged Michael Fassbender To A Dick-Off

If history has taught us anything, it’s that Mark Wahlberg is prone to seriously over-estimating how well he’ll perform in certain situations. So with that in mind, here he is drunk off his ass on The Graham Norton Show where after getting shot down by Sarah Silverman (How’s your wife, Mark?), he starts getting shitty with Michael Fassbender who Sarah was all over for obvious reasons that are his giant penis. It starts with a pissy aside about The Dicklander originally turning down the lead in Broken City then quickly devolves into Marky Mark challenging him to a cock-off. A challenge that Michael Fassbender mercifully passes on for Donny’s little brudda’s sake because a child should never see his father’s entire body dwarfed by another man’s penis on British television. No good can come of that.

In case you’re actually trying to do work, here’s a shorter clip where Mark Wahlberg basically tries to kill a woman via whiplash for being a nurse and exercising:

And for the rest of you who’ve accepted you’re not doing any work today, here’s the rest of the show so you can see if Michael Fassbender whips his dick out and beats Mark Wahlberg with it for calling Prometheus one of those queeah movies where Jesus don’t even invent da earth:

It’s a good show when it has the right guests. Joan Rivers was on recently and completely dominated the program. I had no idea she could still be so funny, Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear was also a guest and was rendered uncharacteristically speechless.

have a nice cup of tea. NO dont throw it in the sea, and dont place a tea bag on a saucer with a lukewarm cup of water.
How to make tea,
1 Boil freshly drawn water
2 pour some hot water into tea pot to warm it
3 pour this water out of tea pot. Put tea leaves in to tea pot
4 pour boiling water into tea pot
5 let brew for five minutes, stir once, (one revolution)
6 serve

A Speaking Silverman is far worse than a Drunk Diggler by a New York mile. It’s science. Next time “School of Rock” makes the rounds I challenge anyone to make it through her scenes without punching an infant right in the mouth.

Fassbender the only bit of class here – other pair of idiots on the sofa ………..gobby Silverman – that voice would go through you ….Jesus would give an aspirin a headache ….Michael you are gorgeous! Dick or no dick…..

Could that be any more boring? And that host. He is REALLY annoying. And Marky Mark, shut up. Stop talking. You are droning on and not saying anything remotely funny. My God. I could barely stand to watch this just halfway through.

Am I missing something? Norton is the perfect host… quick witted, hospitable and funny with a LOT of personality. This show is 20x better than anything US TV has to offer other than Craig Ferguson (who can do no wrong). Sitting through a Leno/Kimmel/Letterman show is painful in comparison.