Dance Moms

Last night’s Dance Moms showcased the competition where Abby Lee Miller’s former elite team would be facing off against the minis, and, per the usual, ugliness and petty shenanigans ensued. Do we think she’s going to end up going to jail?

On the day of competition, the elite team squares off against the minis. Abby instructs the veteran moms to have their daughters write a list of why they hate her so much. Holly Frazier won’t stand to be spoken to in such a manner in front of the girls, and she ushers everyone into the venue. Jill Vertes uses Abby’s words against her, reminding her that everyone is replaceable. Abby is confident that her minis are better at their age and the elite team was back when they were six. The veteran moms question whether the mini moms are okay with Abby’s behavior and they are met with hemming and hawing from the newbies. Ashlee suggests that the women present a united front so Abby cannot treat their daughters badly. Before the competition, the elite girls are in good spirits and glad to be away from Abby and her meanness.

Is it bad that I’ve decided that yet another hour long Dance Moms episode means that something is right with the world? Perhaps that was Steven Collins’ plan all along with that slew of ninety minute ridiculousness! Either that, or I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Thirty Year Old Grandma!

On last night’s show, the veteran mothers made good on their threat to look elsewhere for training, and Abby Lee Miller threw yet another tantrum. It was pretty amazing, to be honest. In light of Abby’s legal woes and mounting erratic behavior, the women decide to rent out their own studio. The elite team is ecstatic, and Kira gifts the girls with a new team jacket. She’s enlisted a rival dance instructor and famed choreographer given the girls will be performing at a competition with the ALDC minis. Kalani Hilliker is thrilled to be working with Erin, and the entire team seems to have a renewed confidence. An added bonus? No pyramid!

Thank you, Lifetime! My prayers have been answered. Last night’sDance Moms episode was only an hour long. Finally! I never thought this day would come! We are back to some semblance of structure. Abby Lee Miller is actually present for the pyramid! If that’s not enough, Jill Vertes gets to throw out her favorite word–favoritism–regarding the minis. It’s status quo once again!

In case you missed the first fifteen hours of this season, Jill is sick and tired of the mini team taking Abby’s attention away from Kendall and the elite team. However, she’s the loudest to cheer when Abby announces yet again that the minis’ latest group routine garnered the most points. In fact, it’s Holly Frazier who is first to challenge Abby regarding the drama surrounding last week’s competition. Kira happily joins in and Jill quickly stops cheering and starts chastising. Stacey, the only mini mom whose name I’ve chosen to learn, is very vocal about how horrible the veteran moms are. Lather, rinse, repeat, week after week, season after season.

Even though there is always drama happening between Abby Lee Miller and the mothers on Dance Moms, there is a lot more craziness going on behind the scenes with Abby’s legal troubles. This fraud case seems like it will never end. I am curious about the way it’s going to end up. Will Abby end up with jail time? We won’t be getting an answer anytime soon since Abby’s sentencing has been pushed to 2017.

I feel like this case has been going on forever and I have absolutely no involvement, so I can’t imagine how Abby is feeling. And weirdly enough, it’s not even Abby and her legal team who pushed for the sentencing to be later than originally planned.

Sheesh! Drama much? What a silly question. After all, we’re talking about Abby Lee Miller and Dance Moms! Last night was certainly no picnic in the park (ahem) amid the studio owner’s mounting legal issues. Abby’s bankruptcy is once again in the news, and she’s favoring the minis, so you can imagine how well that goes over with Jill and her cackling hens. But hey, we’re spared the monotony of a pyramid, so that’s a silver lining, right?

Last night’s episode begins with the mothers speculating about Abby’s bankruptcy woes and what it could mean for their daughters’ careers. On cue, Abby comes dramatically sweeping into the studio. Refusing to acknowledge anyone, she quickly locks herself in her office. She doesn’t have time for such frivolous activities as teaching her students. Can you blame her? And, as I just said, there is no pyramid to endure. There is also no sign of Jessalyn and JoJo Siwa. Jill reveals she’s tried calling several times with no response.

I’m not going to bend your ears anymore complaining about why in the name of all that is decent Lifetime has decided that ninety minutes is the new norm when it comes to this season’s Dance Moms episodes. I guess the network just doesn’t have any reality stars that are as riveting as Abby Lee Miller and her band of dancers. I should be used to it by now, and it will be a special treat if I ever check the Lifetime schedule and see a show only spanning an hour. Silver linings! Of course, the veteran moms are still feuding with the mini mothers.

The episode begins with a heart wrenching announcement from Kira. A friend of Kalani Hilliker’s from the Arizona dance community has committed suicide. She has spoken with Abby and hopes the difficult topic will be addressed with the team. After last week’s solo bomb, it’s no surprise that Abby isn’t in the greatest mood for this week’s pyramid. Since they didn’t compete, the minis are spared the pyramid and sent to work with a guest choreographer. Abby vows to make more time for them this week, as she hopes she’ll find a mini-Maddie in the bunch.

Have we decided who is collectively more miserable? Is it the veteran Dance Moms or the mini mother planning their tiny coup? Perhaps we just call it even and declare Abby Lee Miller the nastiest participant in this crazy reality show? Anyone? Over/under? Perhaps the truest evil genius is Lifetime for continuing to subject us to these super-sized episodes.

Jill is now more focused on Kendall’s music as that’s what making waves for her daughter’s teammate Nia Frazier. She feigns excitement for JoJo Siwa’s latest music video, reminding Kendall that her album is what is most important. Jill has gone so far as to dissolve Abby’s role as Kendall’s manager, and she is bracing for Abby’s wrath as a result of that decision. Before pyramid, Jill warns the other mothers that Abby may be in rare form due to her lawyer’s letter to Abby firing her. This should be fun.

Is ninety-minutes of Dance Moms really necessary, Lifetime? How much footage could you possibly have? The season is already going to be at least a hundred episodes long, so do we need to be subjected to super-sized episodes each week? Oh well. More air time for Abby Lee Miller at least!

As last night’s episode begins, the mini moms are excited to enter a quiet studio. However, they are quickly bombarded by the veteran mothers who tease them about fighting over a plastic crown during last week’s episode. Jill condescendingly compliments the mini team as “cute.” After some strong duets, the veteran moms are feeling confident in the pyramid. Of course, they are confused when they see so many pictures as part of the weekly round up. Are the minis part of the pyramid as well? Say it isn’t so!