'The stigma is gone'

Local woman remembers decades ago, when she was sent away to have her baby.

Local woman remembers decades ago, when she was sent away to have her baby.

May 07, 2006|MAY LEE JOHNSON Tribune Staff Writer

SOUTH BEND -- Charlotte Huddleston knows how times have changed. "Out-of-wedlock pregnancy used to be hush-hush and under cover," she said. "Now it's on the cover of magazines." In the 1960s, when Huddleston was pregnant, unmarried mothers kept few of their babies. Today, with what seems to be virtually no stigma left for unwed motherhood, only a few of those babies are put up for adoption. Still, she remembers what it was like for her 45 years ago. She was 18 years old and just about to graduate from Central High School. She struggled with what to do. "I knew I wouldn't be able to raise a baby on my own, and I had no support from the baby's father," Huddleston said. "In 1960, getting pregnant was nothing to be proud of. In fact, I felt ashamed." Although her parents left the decision up to her, she felt she couldn't put the extra burden on them. She made up her mind to put her child up for adoption. "I left town to have my baby," Huddleston said. "I did that because it would allow me a place to stay to deliver the baby in private, and it would shield me from the shame in my hometown of South Bend." That may come as a surprise to modern teenagers, who are used to seeing pregnant classmates stroll the halls of their high schools. "There has been a transformation in attitudes from the old days of the 1960s, when pregnant teenagers were banished from schools, ostracized by their peers or scurried out of town and forced to give birth in secret," said Johnnie Griffin, a sociologist at Indiana University South Bend. But today, she said, pregnant teenagers are "supported and embraced in their decision to give birth, keep their babies, continue their education, and participate in school activities. "Today out-of-wedlock childbearing no longer results in social ostracism. It has become a trend." Huddleston thinks, in part, celebrities helped change the attitudes. "The women in Hollywood have helped glorify giving birth out of wedlock," she said. "They, too, have a great influence on today's young people." A difference, of course, is that celebrities generally are millionaires with plenty of resources to give their babies a decent life. But it's no longer shameful to give birth before marriage, Huddleston said. "The stigma is gone," Huddleston said. "It used to be a woman would get married, then get a house and have kids. "Now it seems to be, 'Get a house, then get a man.' It's kind of re-rooted itself in terms of sequence. Younger women are seeing they can do it on their own, or at least they think they can." The pain of giving her child away took its toll on her over the years, but she has not regretted what she did. She later married and gave birth to another son. She won't judge women who find themselves in the same situation she was in. "I would tell women today, Get your education so you have something to fall back on, just in case something unexpected happens in your life," she said. "I think young women should think more about what they do before they act. In my day there was little to no birth control methods at my disposal. Young women today have everything but are not using any of them. "Remember, giving yourself too freely today comes with a very high price."