So I was out at a charity event this evening raising money for Riley Children’s Hospital and ran into one of my brides from last year. I can’t say who, because we are about to get personal.

She was telling me about this wedding that she was asked to be a matron of honor (again, I don’t want to say who). When she received the invitation it was clear that each guest was to send in $25 per person to pay for their meals.

My jaw dropped. Unfortunately it gets worse….not only are guests expected to pay for their own meals, but also for any morsel of moisture (er, drink) that they will have. Soda, beer, wine, or alcohol. Nothing is being provided gratis.

Remember when planning your wedding, you should never ask a guest to pay for a meal and you should always provide SOME time of liquid refreshment at no charge. You would never invite someone over to your home, feed them a nice dinner, give them a drink and then give them a tab.

Please never consider this as an option. Reduce your guest list. Reduce your food choices. Elope. Have a party. Invite everyone over for a BBQ. But don’t ask your guests to pay for their meal and all their drinks.

Yes, I’m agree with the blog. Who would like to attend wedding where the guest is hired for meal? Wedding party is arranged to have good wishes from the guest. Feast is provided with a great delight on such happy occasion. So no guest should be hired for their meal.

Ow, come on?! Talk about precious. “Ow we need our meals paid for or we’re not turning up!” This is indicative of the self-serving attitudes guests have towards weddings these days. I personally would be happy to pay for my own meal if it meant the bride and groom could avoid going into debt just to feed the type of people who wouldn’t even bother turning up if they weren’t provided a free meal! What happened to it being a day about the happy couple instead of a day of whinging about what was and wasn’t provided for the guests gratis. Those same people would be the first to complain about the meat being overcooked of the champagne being flat. No wonder couples end up with so much stress over wedding planning. I’m surprised most marriages don’t end before they start. Come on people, lets give others a break and start thinking about them for a change. The focus has well and truly been lost in this forum.

Missy – I understand what you are saying. This world has become very self serving. And I’m a very practical event planner.

However, I don’t believe in throwing a formal party and asking your guests to pay for everything. In fact, I don’t even throw casual BBQ and ask my guests to bring their own food & drinks.

An alternative is to lower your guest list so you can pay for only what you can afford. And if you can’t afford that, then simply get married with immediate family and two witnesses. After all, the wedding really is about the marriage, right?

I other countries the weddings are used to help the couple start their lives together. It means that at the end of the wedding, the couple is able to pay all the wedding expenses and have some money left over for a down payment for a house or at leas to buy some furniture. Wouldn’t be nice to have this custom here in the states? The guests are all aware that it is customary to give a monetary gift that will cover the dinner plus little bit left for the couple. Of course the bride and groom won’t ask for any money, but the guests are very generous. They would not go to the wedding if they can’t afford to pay. Seems to me that here people want to have a free ride to every thing. People pay a lots of money for their hair do, dress, nails etc, but when it come to giving a gift for the wedding they have no problem in giving $25 when the meal is $50.

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hello! i'm saundra hadley
I've owned this sweet little event planning business for 15 years. I live by the motto to always be real, laugh as often as possible, and serve my clients to create memorable celebrations. I am blessed with a fantastic husband, an awesome "adulting" son and a sweet lovable chocolate Australian labradoodle puppy (you can see him below).

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