Thursday, 23 September 2010

I'm required to relate truthfully my training and my progress, no matter how much it embarrasses me.

It was in May 2010

A submissive girl doesn’t become a slave simply because she is a masochist. You need something else. Someone who obtains sexual gratification from being physically or emotionally abused, humiliated or mistreated is masochistic, but it is quite possible for a person to be masochistic without being submissive. What about the reverse: it is possible to be submissive without being masochistic? Yes, and simple: after years of sex with a patchy assemblage of different men, you meet the dominant alpha male, your Master, who gives rules and boundaries, who makes you happy to serve, who makes you discover you’re finding pleasure in being humiliated and degraded, who knows exactly how you need to be treated and when, a Master with whom you learn that your pleasure must be earned and is not given freely, who is your God and owns your body and your mind. You freely submit to His will, His caprices, His fancies. You love it, be it pain or pleasure, often a combination of the two. I know, now, I was born like that, I was born a slave, more precisely the sex slave of a dominant male, but surprisingly enough I discovered it to its full extent this year only. I also admit finding a sexual pleasure from being emotionally abused and humiliated, and Master knows it too well.

This is one of the reasons why He shares me with other kinks, He knows I fear it and find it terrible and disgusting but I also crave for it, for the humiliation of being given away as a whore and I end up so horny, my heart rate speeds up and my pussy becomes wet and slippery when He puts me in the predicament. If I’m permitted to cum, my body betrays me and at the peak of sexual excitement I reach mad orgasms when at the same time my eyes are filled with tears and I think I don’t want it. Subs psychology and body-and-mind connection are not simple, but sex with a woman's brain, at least mine, can make her cum whatever guys do to the rest of her. Is it ‘normal’ to be a shy nice looking healthy girl and to finally enjoy being taken as a whore? I don’t care, I need to demean myself, to be treated like an object, and Master taught me that part of the humiliation training is taking pleasure in being treated as a whore. I am now well trained, and crave for it.

There is other reason why Master uses me as a slave whore to be used freely by others: it arouses Him tremendously, and He needs frequently to be sexually stimulated that way. Watching your partner have sex with another person is a form of fore-play. For Master it is as effective as Viagra and better for health than a drug. He never gives me away without being there and watching intensely, sometimes wanking but never cumming while watching: He waits for my service to be all over then uses me afterwards or later in the night, sometimes after punishing me for... being such a slut! As I am doing it to please Him, I accept without constrain whatever He wants from me. I know He loves me and prices me high for not holding back, and that is the other reason why I do my best to pleasure strangers.

But pain? In fact I accept pain but that is not to say I enjoy it though now after proper training I admit it turns me on at the same time I fear it. I accept it docilely when it must come, and though I’m suffering, I’m inevitably wet after a few strokes and/or nipple clamping. At the beginning of our relationship, Master was refraining from hurting me without reason. There were no punishments, spanking or else, for His mere pleasure. If I’d been a bad girl, or fail to abide by the rules which is the same, I got punished as a result, but I knew why and accepted it with gratitude. Now, it is different. I realized He gets pleasure in coming up with painful practices what He was refraining from in the earlier times of my training, but I am happy when Master is happy with me, so everything is said. I have learnt my pleasure must be earned and is not given freely...

Master training was also about absolute control. Bondage was common (He loves I suck Him with my hands tied up in the back, says I do a better head that way), but in May - it’s still fresh in my memory - He started the practice of restraining me sometimes when leaving me home alone. One day He had to go out for dinner, a business gathering which I was not supposed to attend. He ordered me on the bed, lying on my back “spread eagle” and tied my wrists and ankles to the bedposts. Helpless and exposed, I thought I was in line for a session of rough and stormy sex, and that was making me all moist. This show as an aside I am not against being tied up and restrained… I was waiting for Master to fuck me and my cunt was lubricated and ready. Equally my butthole could have been used effortlessly. That time was different, Master said “You are to stay so while I am out for dinner. I’ll be back by midnight or later if I feel so. Needless to add that I want that bed clean when I’m back home.”

It was about seven pm when He left, smirking. I was there, helpless, not able to move. I had to spend about five hours restrained on the bed, alone and quiet, and I was happy. Some hours later, the order to “keep the king-size bed tidy” which had no real meaning at the beginning made me worry, then turn anxious, and finally terrorized to need to pee. Inevitably the pain happened and I knew if I let it go I would put myself on a difficult spot. I felt the dull ache in my bladder telling me I really needed to wee. Slowly but surely my belly felt swollen with pressure and the slightest movement hurt.

When I heard Master coming back, I was in a bad shape though doing my best, desperate for many hours, not able to hold any more because my bladder was full to the brim and ready for anything provided I was set free. Master came in and asked if I had been a good girl and if I have kept the bed sheet clean. I answered with a deep low voice “Your slut is happy and was waiting docilely for her Master, hoping to please Him.” He untied me slowly while my nerve response was saying it is time to piss. Suffering but without hurry (as I knew it could have an adverse result) I asked “Sir, do you wish your slut to go to the bathroom?” Pretending not to understand why, He said “Yes, go and refresh your face and have your pussy and ass washed and come back, naked but stockings and ready to serve.”

Oh my god! I went to the loo as quickly as my bursting bladder would allow, followed by Master watching me and clearly amused. As I reached the bathroom and opened the door, I lost control and I could feel my hot pee running down the inside of my left leg like a river. Master laughed. I looked down to see the growing puddle forming around my feet on the laminate floor. I thought I ought to feel embarrassed or upset, but you can’t imagine what awesome pleasure I had emptying out, and instead I felt turned on. I slipped my hand inside my soaked thighs and started to rub my pussy. I asked “May I cum Sir?” and as He nodded I cummed under a minute and could smell my pussy juices mixed with hot pee. “On your knees, slut, thighs spread” Master said. I kneeled down wide open while He unzipped His fly and took His cock out. “Do you want my tasty urine too, Slut?” I answered “Yes Sir, please give Your slut a golden shower”. He then pissed lengthily all over me, focusing on my cunt and my face. I was all wet and dripping. The quantity of urine was such I understood He had held it back for me. I was so grateful of how He was generous with me.

About Me

Bio I was a submissive girl in service to her Master, who used her thoroughly for His pleasure and enjoyed selling her as a sexual plaything to a variety of men or women. It was too much and we broke up. Now it's over, I'm not the property of a single man anymore and I'm not ready to live again the years I spent as a slave.
That said I remain submissive by nature and I am not bashful or shy. To the contrary I am inhibitly flirty with the people around me and sexual relations and liaisons comes with ease.
This blog and its pages will express my recovery and tell about my new life.
You can also follow me on Twitter @Alexia_the_Minx