UnNews:Report: Racists angry at media portrayal

A group of West Virginian students protesting recent stereotyping by the media.

SOMEWHERE IN THE APPALACIAN MOUNTAINS - This election season has already rolled many a Rick this year, with a primary season which has already lasted almost three times as long as the average election cycle, and even the voters themselves aren't immune to political dirty tricks. This year, Democratic voters in Kentucky and West Virginia have been subject to scorn and ridicule from the rest of the country for what is being seen as a sign of these turbulent times. While most years, overcoming gynophobia would be seen as an admirable and laudable accomplishment, this year, the media has decided to label voters from these two states with an ugly term: working-class whites.

"It's despicable," said longtime klan member and noted racist Boone "Doggy" Hetfield. "'You work for a few years in the coal mines, save up a little, get your own business, see it collapse when Wal*Mart moves in, then you get a job there as a part-time cashier, and suddenly you're a 'working class white.'" Hetfield then added, "none of my children dropped out of High School, so I don't know what this 'uneducated' crap means, ok?"

Hetfied is but one of many racists from the region to be classified "working class white" by the news media this year. Even Hilary herself nearly used the term, though stopped just short at "hard-working Americans, white Americans," which is almost the same thing only worded much more worsely. Hetfield, as well as many others of this area of the country, object to the stereotype.

"It's like they think we're second-class citizens or something. I mean, I'll admit to being a racist. Hell, it's in my blood. I've got my confederate flag up in my truck just so there's no confusion about my heritage. But to treat me like some hillbilly who has a mobile home and no mobile cars, like something out of a Jeff Foxworthy skit, that just ain't right." Mr. Hetfield declined to show us his yard, for fear "'coons'll get in it."

Recent figures show Obama is almost certain to get the Democratic nod, barring being shot by a Hillary Clinton supporter ("We can only hope," notes Mr. Hetfield). One would expect that in the general election these states would be much more against Obama, but locals don't think so. "Nah, all us racists are Democrats here in Kentucky," said Hetfield, "we Dixiecrats love the fact our fine segregationist brothers are fighting the good fight." It is worth noting that Segregationists and Dixiecrats no longer exist in any state but Kentucky.

The Obama campaign's position on the white, working-class vote is that we shouldn't label people and there is only one America. When asked about racists, the Obama campaign stated that we shouldn't label people and there is only one America. When asked if they were even listening to us, they stated that there is a two question limit per phonecall and hung up.