Jagoff

..the BLURST of times???

Thursday, December 16, 2004

A very special day

a fat guy recently tried to run me off the road. he was very angry i merged in front of him. he pulled up beside me screaming, shaking his middle finger. i waved and gave him a wink (that's true by the way- i'm not sure why i did that as i'm not a winker). he then swerved into me.. not all the way, but enough to show me he was really-really mad and meant business. then he pulled in front of me and i could see his shoulders heaving from heavy breathing.
at that moment i actually felt sorry for him (not really). a couple of days later another guy i know pulled up next to me in traffic- he started yelling my name. i thought the fat guy was back. it's funny how many thoughts you can have in 3 seconds "fat guy is back.. do i have a wrench under the seat? is the right rear-door locked?..etc" anyway it was another guy named mike. but i ended up mad at mike for startling me and mad at the fat guy all over again.

Monday, October 18, 2004

I guess.. I don't know.. I was seduced by your use of modus operandi.

"Once people get into that hot weather they shed their inhibitions, you know they drink during the day, they lay there and [be] lazy, they have dinner and then they come back and fool around ... that's basically the modus operandi."

Thursday, October 14, 2004

she also had foreign accent syndrome

By day, she was a respectable, middle-aged woman who lived with a steady partner. By night, she crept out of their house to seek random sex with strangers.
But the woman was unaware of her own double life, which was conducted while she was asleep, said the Sydney doctor who diagnosed and treated her.
"Incredulity is the first staging post for anyone involved in this - including medicos," said Peter Buchanan, a sleep physician at Royal Prince Alfred Hospital. "One has to maintain a healthy degree of scepticism."
In this case, though, it was immediately clear the woman's story was not an ingenious cover for clandestine sexual liaisons. The patient was baffled; her partner was distraught.
"He was aware of some sleepwalking and there was circumstantial evidence, including the unexplained presence of condoms around the house," Dr Buchanan said. "On one occasion he awoke to find her absent from the bedroom and searched until he found her - engaged in such activity."
Her condition, known as sleep sex, is a recently identified form of parasomnia, or sleep disorder, Dr Buchanan will tell the Annual Scientific Meeting of the Australasian Sleep Association in Sydney this weekend.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

THIS IS KIND OF INTERESTING.. KIND OF..

"I'LL HAVE A NEW JACK AND NEW COKE PLEASE." BTW: DID SOMEONE TAKE MY COPY OF MODERN DRUNKARD MAGAZINE?

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - If you've noticed that your Jack Daniel's is carrying a little less kick these days, you're probably right. The famed "sippin' whiskey," which advertises a recipe traced back to the nation's first registered distillery, has lowered the alcohol content of its flagship brand, Old No.7 Black Label.

"You can't screw with a legend like that and get away with it," said Frank Kelly Rich, editor of Modern Drunkard magazine. "I'm sure Jack is spinning in his grave."

The company says the switch was made because most customers prefer the less potent mix, which was marketed first in a few states and some overseas markets. The transition was completed earlier this year.

HEY, HEY, HEY: MEET PITKIN COUNTY ASSESSOR TOM ISAAC

DENVER, Colorado (Reuters) -- It's a tale of man against nature. A paralyzed man in Aspen, Colorado, lay helplessly in bed for two hours while a black bear known as "Fat Albert" went through his kitchen breaking dishes and looking for a tasty snack.
"I had 4 pounds (2 kg) of chocolate from a ski trip. He ate it all -- it's war," Tom Isaac said, recounting with a sense of humor how the 500-pound (230-kg) bear made himself at home at his house on September 20.
"I could hear things breaking for two hours," he said of the bear's "visit" to his home.
Isaac's bedroom was only about 10 to 15 feet (3-5 meters) from the kitchen, and he feared the bear would come in and attack him.
Isaac, who has been paralyzed since a skiing accident in the early 1980s, says his home has been invaded nearly a half dozen times by the bear Aspenites call "Fat Albert."
"The next afternoon the wildlife agents found him sleeping in my dining room," Isaac said.
Isaac, who holds elective office as the Pitkin County assessor, said he does not want to see the bear shot, but he is worried about how the needs of residents can be balanced against the needs of wildlife.

DO THEY WASH THOSE SALON CAPES?

SPRINGFIELD TOWNSHIP, Ohio -- A Summit County sheriff's deputy turned himself in for allegedly masturbating under a salon cape while he was getting his hair highlighted in a salon.

Eric Shane was charged Wednesday with public indecency a misdemeanor.
He pleaded not guilty.
Karen Crawford, who owns the Springfield salon where the incident occurred, said she is unhappy with the bad press her upscale salon and day spa is getting.
Shane is a 14-year veteran with the sheriff's department. Crawford says Shane tried to go in for second and third appointments after the incident, but the staff refused.
The city prosecutor said that if the deputy is convicted, he could face fines and a 30-day jail sentence.

WHO KNEW BRAZILLIAN WOMEN HAD SUCH BIG EGOS?

Only two percent of the world's women consider themselves beautiful.
That's the ugly truth of a new survey by Dove soap which asked ladies around the globe what they thought of their looks.
Only two percent of women describe themselves as beautiful, including three percent of American ladies and six percent of Brazilian babes.
By comparison, not one Japanese woman surveyed considers herself "beautiful" while 43 percent use the term "natural," and 26 percent say they have "average" looks.

Other stunning stats from the pretty poll include....
-- Nine percent of women arond the globe -- including 20 percent of British women -- claim they are "attractive."
-- Eight percent prefer the term "feminine"; seven percent say they are "good looking"; and seven percent will call themselves "cute."
-- Finally, only two percent of women describe themselves as "sexy."

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

A Little Perspective

We've been through so much lately in Pittsburgh.. the flooding really has taken a toll on all of us. I, for one, have been "out of pocket" for weeks... working on stories and what some would call "big-picture projects" designed to help make this town safe again. Sure, I've saved a few lives but that's really beside the point, isn't it? So, what is the point? I'm not really sure.. but maybe, just maybe, the whole idea of "flood victims versus non-flood victims" isn't helping. What does that mean exactly? You tell me. Perhaps this link serves to put things into perspective:

Thursday, September 16, 2004

BERLIN (Reuters) - Police in the western German city of Aachen are searching for an obese couple who have been sneaking into an apartment building to use a woman's private dryer.
The only evidence police found was an oversized XXL bra and a jumbo pair of men's underpants left behind in the dryer. The owner had been on alert for the intruders since receiving a 500-euro ($600) electricity bill, police said.
Then one night she heard the dryer on and went into the basement to investigate. There was no one in sight but she found the bra and shorts left in mid-cycle. "The clothes are XXL so we are looking for a culprit of that size," a police spokesman said.