Mr. Bojotdo's
motto is "I am always ready
to learn, although I do not always like being
taught." Qualifications:
PHD from SPCA, two years of jungle warfare,
featured numerous years on Animal Kindom, three
terms as lister, five years as road commissioner,
twelve years as town representative, one year as
animal warden, eight years as govenor, one year
as inmate. Ability: To foretell
what will happen tomorrow, next month and next
year - and to explain afterward why it did not
happen.

MIDDLE

Mr
Jot's motto is "I
am going to listen passionately to all
the politicians with an enormous open
mind, complete lack of predjudice, and a
cool, rational approach to what I am
convinced is unadulterated retorical
rubbish."

PARTY

Qualifications:
six year champ of WWF, lowest IQ
to receive a BS degree, honor graduate of
School of Hard Knocks. Ability:
Listening to the other parties in order
to keep disgust fresh, a stiff upper lip,
and satisfy everyone.

FAR LEFT PARTY

Mr.
Dojotbo's motto is "Keep
the riffraff out of politics; and remember Mother
Nature is our best scientist." Qualifications:
been a resident of all 50 states and 2
territories, past CEO of Chiquita, almost a
contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Ability:
Being in complete ageement with all voters, on
all issues, at all times.

RESIDENT'S
RESPONSES
WHY DO YOU VOTE?

They
always have good doughnuts. I have to pay TAXES!I had to
walk to school and I'm still alive! It's the only time I see
Uncle George. My dog gets to visit friends. Just passin' by on my
way home from the Docs. There's always a bottle
or two below the lower parkin' lot. Somebody has to keep the
system honest! I can road hunt on the way. One of the few times
every year I get to use indoor plumbing. It's the American way;
isn't it? My
goat gets to visit friends. Why miss a free lunch? I like being negative. I won't let prohibition
return. Cow
diapers will be next. I like to see the Board
of Civil Authority work for a change. I come late and get
several pipes full of tobacco from discarded
butts just outside the main entrance. Watching voters is fun. I always vote no to
change! Ma
says I should. I get my years supply of pencils from
the booths. Something
I can do and not make a mistake!

Ever wonder
what radio station the bears and humans of BEARTOWN
listen to while on the internet? Why good old
Country Music, of course, on none other than: www.countrybear.com
Click
here for genuine real country.

MISSION

The
purpose of this paper is to report area news, and
nothing but the news so help me God, unless I
feel like doing something else, which I can do
whether you like it or not because it is my paper.
You can read it or not, just as you please. But
remember, if you don't read an issue you don't
know what your missing.