In Episode 17 of the I Am Multicultural podcast is the story of an Indian-Pakistani woman Annum, who as a Muslim wasn’t allowed to date, but fell in love with a South African Jewish man Jordan and how together as an engaged couple, they’re figuring out how to make their Indian – Pakistani -South African interfaith relationship work.

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We discuss:

Starting an interfaith relationship with someone who has dramatically different cultural and religious background, even though as a Muslim you are not allowed to date

Figuring out if your interfaith relationship would work by discussing negotiables and non-negotiables about your different faiths

Using food and cooking to help your families bond together when you are in an interfaith relationship

Planning how to raise your children in an interfaith relationship

Exposing one another to your different cultures and participating in each other’s faiths in an interfaith relationship

Facing and overcoming religious obstacles and making each other stronger in your respective faiths in an interfaith relationship

Planning an interfaith wedding ceremony

We talk about why it took them so long to find an Imam (Muslim priest) to marry them.

They share how they both make each other stronger in their respective faiths.

Annum’s best surprise is when Jordan proposed with a Beyoncé “Love on Top” dance flash mob in California

As I was listening to their conversation, I was reminded of Maya Angelou’s quote: Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

Annum + Jordan share

18:08 – Food brings people together.

21:23 – I want to make sure that our children get a healthy dose of both cultures and both religions.• 22:35 – I would like to make sure that although my children get a sense of community, whatever community they grow up in, it doesn’t ever make them feel like less than human than the people around them. I just want them to feel equal to the children that they play with and that they grow up with. I don’t ever want them to feel like second class compared to those they’re being raised around.• 24:53 – To find similarities in someone else’s religion and in someone else’s culture that for years you may have thought so differently of is enlightening.• 29:37 – He makes me stronger in my own faith and makes me feel like I’m closer to God and that’s how you know that this is the person for you.• 32:23 – I would argue that what keeps me stronger in my faith is seeing how strongly he’s attached to his faith. I think that mutual respect for one another is key here. It’s most important to know that egos get tossed out the window, and there is never a hierarchy. There’s never: ‘My religion is better than yours, and this is why this is better than that.’ Instead of that, we have the all or none rule. We respect all the cultures and traditions, religions, languages, and each one must be respected and included without compromise. That’s our goal from the start.• 38:35 – We’ve been so blessed with everything. I really want to make sure that as we start our lives together as one, we’ve started off surrounded by positive vibes, positive energy, and people that have love for our kind of love because it’s definitely a unique and special kind of love.

She’s Indian – Pakistani & Muslim. He’s South African & Jewish.

40:24 – We’re always a united front. That’s one thing that we’ve always talked about. If we don’t have the answer to something that’s OK, but we’re always going to talk to each other and figure it out amongst ourselves before we’ve given an answer to someone else who’s asking about some things that we may not have even signed on. So we’re always a united front. He’s my best friend, and I couldn’t imagine making a major life decision without him.• 43:09 – The first step would be to have the conversations. It’s not something that you can just kind of suppress. You can’t just pretend like this dynamic between you doesn’t exist. It’s definitely here, and it’s alive and well. Recognizing it and having that conversation and being able to navigate through what your future looks like is very important.• 43:53 – The other thing is to approach the conversation not as: ‘Hey, here’s the problem and we have no solution for it.’ It’s more of like: ‘Well, we’re here. Where do we go from here and how are we going to get there?’

44:25 – Figure it out. If it’s worth it, you always find a way. Make it work.

44:55 – You just have to balance for the health of your own relationship. You’re equals. You always got to express how you feel, to express what you guys want to do. Never hold back on your feelings.

45:10 – Have that respect for one another to hear out each other’s feelings and realize that your feelings are not more important than the other partner’s feelings.

45:26 – If you’ve figured out each other and you’ve decided on what you two want to be, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be that. Don’t take no for an answer. Realize that as long as you two are on the same page, you can overcome obstacles.

48:13 – Just get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

48:17 – Remember that you have each other and the love that you have for each other and that’s all that matters. That conquers everything.

Thank you for creating this space in the world, where topics concerning being multi-cultural can be discussed. I am multi-cultural myself and seriously dating a muslim man as a Christian woman and I really appreciated hearing episode 17. Again, thank you so very much for being a positive resource.