The first glitch I felt toward unhinged depression was around my 25th birthday in 1997. Mom got me my first laptop, I liked hanging out with her, the computer was cool, but…

I was writing a very creative piece, attending many Al-Anon 12-step meetings, and more and more: I felt weird, a manic-depression settled into my life.

High in the throes of my creative projects, low afterward, with NO SCHEDULE FOR MY DAY, nor contentment at a day well-lived toward Sleep.

***

I was and am alcoholic. I did not fully know that back then.

The suicidal bug, which came from the manic-depression bug, stemmed from my first drink of flammable alcohol on Dad’s lap when five years old.

I started drinking it with friends at age twelve, started blacking out off the substance at age thirteen. Yes, Maradona was down in Mexico becoming a legend while I was awoken by my sister’s friends PEEING ON THEIR COUCH. I was in a sleep-walking blackout after many beers consumed into my sub-five foot, sub-100 pound frame.

My drinking peaked at age sixteen, the false god alcohol fully worshipped in place of God, life, and being honest with the girl I loved.

None of that story went away when I started to curb back drinking Senior year of high school and into college.

I was a periodic partier, who drank and smoked pot on occasion, overdosed in the form of blackouts and pass-outs before officially overdosing on prescribed medicine in 1999 and 2000.

The OD’s came on the heels of a trip to the Bay Area from my native Southern California. Up there I flagged down old friends, and considered jumping off the Golden State Bridge.

I stared down that jump all of one afternoon, for hours. I finally “chickened out,” which made me more depressed, then saw an old school friend and his beautiful wife before hitting an AA meeting in town.

Within a week, I finally jumped—into the bathroom cabinet and its pills instead of into that San Francisco Bay water.

It seemed less illegal, but it hurt just the same. My body stopped working during one of those first overdose cycles, and I called 911.

My stomach and diaphragm still don’t always work, eighteen years later, because of what I did. I am now fifteen-plus years sober and off all medication, drugs, caffeine, soda—even sex.

I found parenting and help in God, the bible, Alcoholics Anonymous and wise friends who had recovered from insanity as well.

***

Being suicidal is scary, confusing, and groundless.

Some do mass murder before they commit suicide, some dream about it while suicidal—I myself had visions of glory’s blaze, stepping out into traffic, jumping off bridges, turning a fast-moving car into a center freeway divider.

Those are potentially homicidal acts, and so the reader should note that being suicidal has a homicidal quality—a lack of care for All life.

What kept me from a lot of those acts was a growing concept of Higher Power, a symbol of the quiet, peaceful Jesus within me. I’d call on it when tempted, and here I am still alive, just for today!

The U.S. Government could save a lot of money, and at the same time: offer a free health plan for all.

What if Government restricted its spending to these three issues:

1. Paying off Debt 2. Infrastructure 3. Security?

A wild proposal?

Infrastructure and Security could stand alone as the two sole reasons to have a government—the reference to debt there only for our past failings to do right, and keep things simple.

John Hancock sure agreed with the security part of that assessment in his speech about the Boston Massacre, made on March 5th, 1774:

Security to the persons and properties of the governed is so obviously the design and end of civil government, that to attempt a logical proof of it would be like burning tapers at noonday, to assist the sun in enlightening the world.

If Congress can pass no law respecting the practice of religion, why is it okay that it tries to govern on a subject perhaps as controversial and open to interpretation: Health?

I interviewed a sample of Americans, mostly on Twitter, to explore the notion of “Health,” and what it means to them.

My hypothesis going into this experiment was that while there may be a similarity or two in answers, the differences will point to the problem of trying to legislate such a cloudy issue as “health.”

Various definitions of health would reflect everyone’s unique opinions and vitality.

Here is the question I asked of people on Twitter, by Email, in person, and on the phone:

I’m compiling a book, or long article about “Health.” I wonder if you might help me by giving me your definition of health/i.e. what health means to you?

***

Answers:

1. Bill Watkins:

“Health is a Peace of Mind, Knowing I did the best I could to be the best person I was capable of becoming in all my affairs.”

2. Duck, Anti-Circumcision Activist:

“Health is discovering yourself and feeding your truth.”

3. Online T-shirt Salesman:

“Health means your state of being and ability to function naturally.”

4. Aaron V. from Lake Tahoe:

“Health is natural whole foods, clean water, clean air, a nature soundscape with wildlife, good social relationships, the freedom to explore and then see self-improvement or progress, and having a shelter or sanctuary where one can retreat to and be certain to have all of those things despite what else is going on in the world.”

5. Sonya on Twitter:

“I believe saying ‘I am healthy’ is relative to your own circumstances. For me, I feel health is a state of physical wellness as well as mental wellness. I believe it’s hard to say I am healthy if either one is compromised to a degree where we are not enjoying living our lives. If we are feeling the best we can for our age and capacity – in that everything is functioning as well as can be expected – and we are getting through each and every day with quality of life in tact, even if it has to be aided by medication, then to me that is healthy. If body and mind are still functioning well enough for me to enjoy life, then I am healthy.”

6. College Newspaper Staff:

“I’d say health is a state of being. I think it’s a perceived value of physical, emotional, and mental stability and regularity for each individual person. The achievement of ‘healthy’ will differ from person to person based on lifestyle, availability of nourishment and space, and personality.”

7. Dan R., Twitter:

“Being good in mind, body and soul.”

8. Yvonne on Twitter:

“Health is a balance of spiritual, mental and physical well-being”

9. Anastacia on Twitter:

“Health to me means that I’m happy, I am not sick, I can laugh without being in pain.”

10. Poetry Group on Twitter:

“Health is the harmony of our body.”

11. Carlos M. on Twitter:

“Wellness is a holistic approach to life that includes diet and exercise first with traditional medical care second. ”

12. Ariel B. on Twitter:

“Health is Peace of Mind.”

13. Marion W. on Twitter:

“Time set aside in solitude and/or quietness to grow, reflect, write and decompress.”

15. Google.com on Health:

“Health is the state of being free from illness or injury.”

***

Should Government take us to this place of “health,” a place that is defined differently by anyone you ask?

What should Government give?

What is our own business, or responsibility?

Who wants to build roads? Infrastructure? I don’t. So Government, take a tax and have at it!!!

Who wants basic security? We all do. We all put money and taxes into that pool, as well, and just hope the Government is honest and honorable in “defending” its people. I actually don’t think they are, and killing people is not defense. But that is for another article.

Regarding Health? Tell a Christian Scientist that they must pay a tax for other people’s “health care,” drugs, doctor visits—something Christian Scientists don’t believe in at all.

The old school prayer healer, the holistic preacher will exclaim:

“God works!!!!”

And God is cheap, too!!!

***

Threaten to take someone’s blanket away, though, and… they will react, to be sure.

Here is something in that blanket’s place, now from my personal experience:

Find a spiritual spot, a special place in nature.

Walk there, bus and walk, but working is key, you must sweat and live and breathe toward your health, if it is to become real.

“But I can’t walk.”

Get to your special place—ask a friend to help you get there.

No matter your belief, a universal good is to establish gratitude for your life.

Declare that gratitude, ask a Higher Power if moved for help, ask the Wind, the Stars, the Hills—the Earth for help.

And re-enter the cycle of life, the cycle often stolen by concrete, metal and the noise of cities.