Australia (2008): A rollicking, rip-roaring bore with obvious special effects, cringe-inducing moments of fake tenderness and a start-and-stop narrative that had more endings than the third Lord of the Rings movie. Seemed longer than a flight to Australia.

Because I Said So (2007): A dreadful exercise, tin-eared and sincere, bereft of any truth or inspiration, a comedy with a subject better suited to drama -- or to psychiatric intervention -- with Diane Keaton as a mother from hell obsessed with marrying off her youngest daughter (Mandy Moore).

Because I Said So (2007): A dreadful exercise, tin-eared and...

Because I Said So (2007): A dreadful exercise, tin-eared and... Photo-3944559.54351 - SFGate

El Cantante (2007): As structureless as a true story, because it was a true story. In this biopic about the salsa pioneer Hector Lavoe, Hector gets wasted before his first album is out, and that's the story of his life - and the story of the movie: A man gets wasted, puts on sunglasses and goes to a show. Sometimes he gets wasted, puts on sunglasses and forgets about the show.

Gerry (2003): The story of two guys who get lost in the wilderness and walk around for 103 minutes, this was ragingly bad art that contributed to a definition of independent film as something no one would want to sit through.

Gerry (2003): The story of two guys who get lost in the wilderness...

Gerry (2003): The story of two guys who get lost in the wilderness... Photo-3944576.54351 - SFGate

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Get Smart (2008): A comedy with dramatic elements that wasn't dramatic or funny.

Get Smart (2008): A comedy with dramatic elements that wasn't...

Get Smart (2008): A comedy with dramatic elements that wasn't... Photo-3944577.54351 - SFGate

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Georgia Rule (2007): Family drama that played like it was made by anthropologists from Mars.

Georgia Rule (2007): Family drama that played like it was made by...

Georgia Rule (2007): Family drama that played like it was made by... Photo-3944578.54351 - SFGate

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Gigantic (2009): Starring Paul Dano and Zooey Deschanel, and yet it was 98 minutes without one second of cinematic charm, without one honest exchange and without one genuine character (either real or farcical). Story without a climax, jokes without punch lines, punch lines without laughs and premises with no follow through.

Glitter (2001): Bad, not horrible. It had the misfortune to be released a few days after 9/11.

Glitter (2001): Bad, not horrible. It had the misfortune to be...

Glitter (2001): Bad, not horrible. It had the misfortune to be... Photo-3944581.54351 - SFGate

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Gods and Generals (2003): Four hours of Southern revisionism. If one were to watch the movie with no knowledge of history, one could be left with the impression that in 1861, a maniac named Lincoln decided to arm federal troops and attack neighboring states because he felt like it.

Happy Feet 2 (2010): The worst consequence of global warming on record was this bad sequel, in which changing weather patterns cause thousands of penguins to be stuck in a ditch - for about an hour and a half of screen time. While other penguins try to rescue them, they sing and dance poorly and are entertained by the antics of a Spanish-speaking penguin named Ramon - and, of course, he's played by Robin Williams. This movie was awful from its first minute.

Hesher (2011): Spencer Susser's film, about a violent, nasty slob who barges into a suburban home and takes up residence, is as awful as independent films get, a mix of ugliness and sentiment, with a go-nowhere story and dialogue that sounds improvised. There's only one reason the other characters put up with Hesher (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and that's because the movie is called Hesher.

I'm Not Here (2007): Six characters play Bob Dylan. Todd Haynes, who directed and co-wrote it, took a misbegotten idea and pursued it with the kind of zeal and imagination not available to mediocre filmmakers. A good director went out on a limb and it broke.

Kung Fu Panda 2: Badly choreographed battle scenes filmed in 3-D, with all the usual quick cuts and with no sense of the demands of three dimensions. Three-quarters of the movie consists of cartoon characters trying to kill other cartoon characters. How lovely for the kids.

Lara Croft Tomb Raider (2001): The ultimate in a trend in action movies to replace story with art direction and substitute style for a coherent narrative. The herald of a cold, heartless, soul-dead cinema for a numbed audience with no interest in human emotion, just a craving to have its synapses jolted. Horrible.

Made of Honor (2008): A shallow narcissist (Patrick Dempsey) realizes he's in love with his best friend (Michelle Monaghan) just as she announces her engagement. So what's left to happen? He tells her his feelings, and she decides what to do? But no. The filmmakers stretched things to excruciating length, by having no one speak honestly to anyone until the last five minutes of the movie.

Pride and Glory (2008): Gushy and sentimental under a cascade of f-words, the product of movie-watching and not people-watching, this bogus cop drama, about an Irish family of police officers, tried to pass off a family of pea brains as possessing some essential nobility. And the cinematography was like a parody of today's shaky camera approach.

Rocknrolla (2008): Guy Ritchie at his most inept and horrible. Photo-3944611.54351 - SFGate

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Rollerball (2002): Remarkably empty, remarkably noisy, remarkably pleasureless. It presented every moment as though it were an action scene, and every action scene with shaky jump cuts and heavy-metal music. It was unwatchable.

Shanghai Knights (2003): A desperately mirthless action comedy that transformed a great international comedian, Jackie Chan, into a sullen straight man and then made Owen Wilson the funny guy while giving him a series of wisecracks too stale for Bob Hope's 100-year-old joke writers.

Terminator Salvation (2008): Director McG can imagine an action sequence, but he had trouble here grasping the difference between action that's active (that moves the story) and action that's static. This latest Terminator, with Christian Bale, was all static action and a chore to sit through.