Monday, January 01, 2007

Resolvitude...

Whew!

A bitch is emerging from my hermit-like state to face the new year.

My ass sank into a full on end of year funk...a major funk....a 'who the hell needs to get out of bed' kind of funktitude, if you know what I mean. Blink. It took me some time to see the funk for what it was and then I had to get over being pissed off at myself for ever allowing the funk to settle in.

Mercy.

Oh well, I clearly needed it. This was a productive life exploring and then affirming funk, so it was worth a few days hiding under the covers whilst avoiding people (wink).

Pause...stretch...resume.

I have come to understand that many people, including myself, avoid life exploring mental wanderings because they have the potential to produce funks. Scooter B. comes to mind. All that determination appears at first glance to be the mark of leadership, but it may actually be the intense avoidance of inner work for fear of a funk.

Or he could just be one stubborn motherfucker.

Blink.

Where was I?

Oh yes, resolvitude!

Resolutions require reflection on what has been and what is. What emerges post reflection is an understanding of the goals ahead and how to bloody well reach them. Whilst getting my hermit on, my ass hit a wall of reality, indulged in the funk that resulted and was left with no other move but to climb. I passed by the mistakes and misunderstandings, climbing over the painfully accurate realizations and rubbing my boot in the face of the many doubts and frets that come with the burden of an enlightened mind.

On the other side there is the future...2007...and a bitch has work to do.2007 Resolvitude

On honesty...A bitch resolves to be more honest with myself and work on seeing shit for what it is rather than what I would like it to be.

Fuck, that's going to be a tough one.

Sigh.

On the struggle...A bitch resolves to further define my role and to seek knowledge from others to better fulfill it.

On health...Oh fuck it all.

A bitch resolves to eat more vegetables, drink more water...and limit my adoration of all things smothered to a sometime thing.

Mmm, well, lady, I understand your hermititude; went through some of that myself. My man dumped me two days before Christmas and I am just now coming out from under that little emotional setback. But I's all better now!

I'm doing the Discovery Body Challenge to firm up these (gettin') older thighs and belly; trying to straighten out my in-school eating habits (will try to take a lunch; promise to take a lunch 1 day a week); and on top of this, get my school work done and all that damned outlining to happen as the semester goes along instead of during the reading week. Or else.

So - if you were working on your insides and not hiding from the world, covering up for however long is not that big a problem.

Oh - and I cut off my own afro. I now have the cutest little mohawk a 32-yr-old, heartbroken, single-caregiver, law student has ever had. :Djen

I made the "drink more water" resolution a few years ago, and it was tough while I had to think about it. Nowadays, though, I just keep water near me at all times, and I just take a sip or two whenever I get a little thirsty. Before long I'm refilling the bottle.