They continue to send me multiple updates about the trash talk between Mayweather and McGregor. I cannot dismiss those quickly enough.

Meanwhile, they could very easily have lured me in with either of two brilliantly tear-jerking ESPY bits: the posthumous recognition of Eunice Kennedy Shriver for her Special Olympics brilliance or the Pat Tillman Award for service to the gent who was blown the f up and persevered enough not only to garner athletic achievements but also to friggin re-enlist as if to stick a huge middle finger to the enemy.

Both segments have made me sob like a baby. If I were where I could post them, I would.

You would think I'm 100% Polish the way I planned this trip. Wife and I are in different shitbox hotels, each w/ one kid. We endured a monsoon and subsequent flooding, all for the privilege of seeing outrageously gross people and the stretched tattoos on their bloated bodies.