How Many Swingers Does it Take to Make and Orgy?

Is three enough? Nine too many?

There are certain things we all know generally, despite the fact that no one really knows about these things specifically. Take orgies, for example. We all know what an orgy is: It's a bunch of people having sex at the same time in the same place. But how many people do you need to qualify for Orgy Status? No one seems to know for sure.

I've been asking various people this question all month, and most assume the number is either four or five. (One guy said nine, but I think he misunderstood the question.) Everyone seems to agree that three people having sex is not an orgy, because that experience already has a name. Most women I asked said four, but that number strikes me as too low. (For example, if two couples hang out one night drinking wine and taking Ecstasy, I don't think anything that ensues would warrant Orgy Status.) Five people makes more sense to me, because there should probably be one extra person to serve as a free agent. But maybe the number is really six.

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Perhaps we will never know.

Curiously, I had a similar conversation fifteen years ago about what constitutes the ideal population for a rock band; I said four dudes (my example being Motley Crue), and my friend said five (his example being Warrant). This seems related, but I don't know why.

Chuck Klosterman is the author of many fine books, including Chuck Klosterman IV which is available at your local bookstore or online, at BarnesAndNoble.com.