Mass Effect Month: Day 10 – Tainted Love

Mass Effect Month, Day 9: Who is your least favorite character to romance?

My knee-jerk reaction was Kaiden (sorry, Kaiden fans) because he’s a nice guy with a nice romance and nice nice nice-y nice bland nice. I mean, I like Kaiden, he’s cool, but his romance, to me, is sort of… well… bland.

And then I remembered this guy, who, after professing his love, dropped Shepard like a hot rock and got another woman pregnant all in the span of six months while Shepard was being detained for a mission that he was there for, and after which he should have been supporting his girlfriend.

Thanks, Jacob.

On a less emotional and more programming note, I also hate that, like with Kaiden, Shepard always sounds like she’s flirting with Jacob, no matter what. No, Jacob, I’m only saying nice things to you because you are a member of the crew and I don’t want you to die, and I know how these games work.

To be fair, with MaleShep, Jacob is kind of a cool bro, so I really do think most of my hatred of Jacob’s “relationship” is that he’s sort of a forced love interest, and then after being foisted onto FemShep doesn’t have the decency to remain loyal.

Same.

I feel like I need to say something nice about Jacob after the hard time I’ve given him, so I respect him as a soldier and appreciate that, considering he’s new to the crew, he believes in Shepard and consistently backs her up, even though he has no real reason to do so. I also think he’s handsome and has a cool voice. No, really, I do! His vocal timbre is pleasant to listen to and those pecs are pleasant to look at. And he’s a cool bro to MaleShep. Wait, I think I said that already…

But his romance is still my least favorite.

What about you? Who was your least favorite romance across Mass Effect games? Have I been too harsh on poor Jacob (again)? Let me know in the comments!

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4 comments

It’s not really a case of “least favourite” per se but I was pretty put out when Jack foiled the plans I had for my renegade soldier Jessica. “I’m just not much of girl’s girl.” She strongly implies that she’s bisexual but is only available for a male Shepard (which wouldn’t happen for me, because my male characters are either very strait-laced or otherwise engaged).

I’d expected more from Steve Cortez, since the writers only had the romance to write aside from incidental dialogue but it came across as melodramatic and forced in places. I enjoyed Miranda’s romance but some of Shepard’s Paragon dialogue is smarmy and badly-delivered. I’ve never romanced Jacob and never will, so I can’t comment first-hand on that one.

I’d hoped for romance options with Gianna Parasini and Shiala in ME1 and thought their appearances in ME2 were contrived and pointless. I felt the pain of Joker fans when, instead of delivering on that front, the ME3 writers gave him a whirlwind romance with a hideously designed sex robot (complete with a weird and annoying personality shift for EDI).

Samara’s romance is quite satisfying but I think the Paragon requirement is stupid. It’s essentially arbitrary, since it’s based on points and not specific actions. I think like it would’ve been better if Samara had brought specific thinks up and given Shepard a chance to argue/plead with her or promise to change; that would’ve given more punch to the rejection. As it is, I was felt thinking: “What the hell?! We were holding hands, staring longingly into each other’s eyes a few seconds ago, and before that you said I was the one person in the whole galaxy you could share your pain with!”

They could’ve done a reverse of Zaeed’s loyalty mission, with a safe Paragon route and a high-requirement Renegade dialogue option to try and justify your actions. Of course, that goes into the realm of fanfiction because it would go hand-in-hand with how I’d redesign ME2’s morality system, and I couldn’t go into that without explaining how I’d alter the game’s premise and then we’re no longer really talk about the game as-it-stands.

I certainly haven’t romanced everybody in the game yet, and so I appreciate your thorough comment. I was a little disappointed about Jack, too, but it’s hardly her fault that she’s not attracted to Shepard. I’m actually okay with characters being written to have their own preferences. I mean, that sucks IRL, but it’s also a nice touch in a game, I think. There were definitely moments in some romances (and even some friendships) where I sat scratching my head a bit, too!

Haha, poor Jacob. But Ashley gets my vote. I say that, in part, because she’s a difficult one to romance. I’ve only played through the games as MShep twice, and the first time I got so frustrated with Ashley that I just had him go for Liara. The second time I really made Shepard go all out in trying to woo Ashley in the first and third games, but it just didn’t work. (I know that there are plenty of guide on how to do the romances “right,” but I like to take my chances.) Maybe the third time, whenever that is, will be a charm?

Yeah… poor Jacob… haha I’m surprised Ashley is hard to romance! I haven’t played as MShep yet (shame on me), but I figured from how her friendship arc goes, she’d be somewhat easy to romance. I’m actually glad she’s not (sorry!)… She’s a complicated lady, and Shepard is her commanding officer in ME1 and ME3, so I can see a complicated relationship ensuring… If you manage to woo her, let me know how it goes!