Chapter 34: Discipline

One of the first lessons a child needs to learn is the
lesson of obedience. Before he is old enough to reason, he may be taught to
obey. By gentle, persistent effort, the habit should be established. Thus, to a
great degree, may be prevented those later conflicts between will and authority
that do so much to create alienation and bitterness toward parents and
teachers, and too often resistance of all authority, human and divine. {Ed 287.1}

The object of discipline is the training of the child for
self-government. He should be taught self-reliance and self-control. Therefore
as soon as he is capable of understanding, his reason should be enlisted on the
side of obedience. Let all dealing with him be such as to show obedience to be
just and reasonable. Help him to see that all things are under law, and that
disobedience leads, in the end, to disaster and suffering. When God says
"Thou shalt not," He in love warns us of the consequences of
disobedience, in order to save us from harm and loss. {Ed 287.2}

Help the child to see that parents and teachers are
representatives of God, and that, as they act in harmony with Him, their laws
in the home and the school are also His. As the child is to render obedience to
parents and [288] teachers, so they, in turn, are
to render obedience to God. {Ed
287.3}

To direct the child's development without hindering it by
undue control should be the study of both parent and teacher. Too much
management is as bad as too little. The effort to "break the will" of
a child is a terrible mistake. Minds are constituted differently; while force
may secure outward submission, the result with many children is a more
determined rebellion of the heart. Even should the parent or teacher succeed in
gaining the control he seeks, the outcome may be no less harmful to the child.
The discipline of a human being who has reached the years of intelligence
should differ from the training of a dumb animal. The beast is taught only
submission to its master. For the beast, the master is mind, judgment, and
will. This method, sometimes employed in the training of children, makes them
little more than automatons. Mind, will, conscience, are under the control of
another. It is not God's purpose that any mind should be thus dominated. Those
who weaken or destroy individuality assume a responsibility that can result
only in evil. While under authority, the children may appear like well-drilled
soldiers; but when the control ceases, the character will be found to lack
strength and steadfastness. Having never learned to govern himself, the youth
recognizes no restraint except the requirement of parents or teacher. This
removed, he knows not how to use his liberty, and often gives himself up to
indulgence that proves his ruin. {Ed 288.1}

Since the surrender of the will is so much more difficult
for some pupils than for others, the teacher should make obedience to his
requirements as easy as possible. [289] The will should be guided and
molded, but not ignored or crushed. Save the strength of the will; in the
battle of life it will be needed. {Ed 288.2}

Every child should understand the true force of the will. He
should be led to see how great is the responsibility involved in this gift. The
will is the governing power in the nature of man, the power of decision, or
choice. Every human being possessed of reason has power to choose the right. In
every experience of life, God's word to us is, "Choose you this day whom
ye will serve." Joshua 24:15. Everyone may place his will on the side of
the will of God, may choose to obey Him, and by thus linking himself with
divine agencies, he may stand where nothing can force him to do evil. In every
youth, every child, lies the power, by the help of God, to form a character of
integrity and to live a life of usefulness. {Ed 289.1}

The parent or teacher who by such instruction trains the
child to self-control will be the most useful and permanently successful. To
the superficial observer his work may not appear to the best advantage; it may
not be valued so highly as that of the one who holds the mind and will of the
child under absolute authority; but after years will show the result of the
better method of training. {Ed
289.2}

The wise educator, in dealing with his pupils, will seek to
encourage confidence and to strengthen the sense of honor. Children and youth
are benefited by being trusted. Many, even of the little children, have a high
sense of honor; all desire to be treated with confidence and respect, and this
is their right. They should not be led to feel that they cannot go out or come
in without being watched. Suspicion demoralizes, producing the very evils it
seeks [290]
to prevent. Instead of watching continually, as if suspecting evil, teachers
who are in touch with their pupils will discern the workings of the restless
mind, and will set to work influences that will counteract evil. Lead the youth
to feel that they are trusted, and there are few who will not seek to prove
themselves worthy of the trust. {Ed 289.3}

On the same principle it is better to request than to
command; the one thus addressed has opportunity to prove himself loyal to right
principles. His obedience is the result of choice rather than compulsion. {Ed 290.1}

The rules governing the schoolroom should, so far as
possible, represent the voice of the school. Every principle involved in them
should be so placed before the student that he may be convinced of its justice.
Thus he will feel a responsibility to see that the rules which he himself has
helped to frame are obeyed. {Ed
290.2}

Rules should be few and well considered; and when once made,
they should be enforced. Whatever it is found impossible to change, the mind
learns to recognize and adapt itself to; but the possibility of indulgence
induces desire, hope, and uncertainty, and the results are restlessness,
irritably, and insubordination. {Ed 290.3}

It should be made plain that the government of God knows no
compromise with evil. Neither in the home nor in the school should disobedience
be tolerated. No parent or teacher who has at heart the well-being of those
under his care will compromise with the stubborn self-will that defies
authority or resorts to subterfuge or evasion in order to escape obedience. It
is not love but sentimentalism that palters with wrongdoing, seeks by coaxing
or bribes to secure compliance, and finally accepts some substitute in place of
the thing required. [291]{Ed 290.4}

"Fools make a mock at sin." Proverbs 14:9. We
should beware of treating sin as a light thing. Terrible is its power over the
wrongdoer. "His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall
be holden with the cords of his sins." Proverbs 5:22. The greatest wrong
done to a child or youth is to allow him to become fastened in the bondage of
evil habit. {Ed 291.1}

The youth have an inborn love of liberty; they desire
freedom; and they need to understand that these inestimable blessings are to be
enjoyed only in obedience to the law of God. This law is the preserver of true
freedom and liberty. It points out and prohibits those things that degrade and
enslave, and thus to the obedient it affords protection from the power of evil.
{Ed 291.2}

In our efforts to correct evil, we should guard against a
tendency to faultfinding or censure. Continual censure bewilders, but does not
reform. With many minds, and often those of the finest susceptibility, an
atmosphere of unsympathetic criticism is fatal to effort. Flowers do not unfold
under the breath of a blighting wind. {Ed 291.4}

A child frequently censured for some special fault, comes to
regard that fault as his peculiarity, something against which it is vain to
strive. Thus are created discouragement and hopelessness, often concealed under
an appearance of indifference or bravado. {Ed 291.5}

The true object of reproof is gained only when the wrongdoer
himself is led to see his fault and his will is enlisted for its correction.
When this is accomplished, point him to the source of pardon and power. Seek to
[292]
preserve his self-respect and to inspire him with courage and hope. {Ed 291.6}

This work is the nicest, the most difficult, ever committed
to human beings. It requires the most delicate tact, the finest susceptibility,
a knowledge of human nature, and a heaven-born faith and patience, willing to
work and watch and wait. It is a work than which nothing can be more important.
{Ed 292.1}

Those who desire to control others must first control
themselves. To deal passionately with a child or youth will only arouse his
resentment. When a parent or teacher becomes impatient and is in danger of
speaking unwisely, let him remain silent. There is wonderful power in silence. {Ed 292.2}

The teacher must expect to meet perverse dispositions and obdurate
hearts. But in dealing with them he should never forget that he himself was
once a child, in need of discipline. Even now, with all his advantages of ages,
education, and experience, he often errs, and is in need of mercy and
forbearance. In training the youth he should consider that he is dealing with
those who have inclinations to evil similar to his own. They have almost
everything to learn, and it is much more difficult for some to learn than for
others. With the dull pupil he should bear patiently, not censuring his
ignorance, but improving every opportunity to give him encouragement. With
sensitive, nervous pupils he should deal very tenderly. A sense of his own
imperfections should lead him constantly to manifest sympathy and forbearance
toward those who also are struggling with difficulties. {Ed 292.3}

The Saviour's rule—"As ye would that men
should do to you, do ye also to them likewise" (Luke 6:31)—should
[293]
be the rule of all who undertake the training of children and youth. They are
the younger members of the Lord's family, heirs with us of the grace of life.
Christ's rule should be sacredly observed toward the dullest, the youngest, the
most blundering, and even toward the erring and rebellious. {Ed 292.4}

This rule will lead the teacher to avoid, so far as
possible, making public the faults or errors of a pupil. He will seek to avoid
giving reproof or punishment in the presence of others. He will not expel a
student until every effort has been put forth for his reformation. But when it
becomes evident that the student is receiving no benefit himself, while his
defiance or disregard of authority tends to overthrow the government of the
school, and his influence is contaminating others, then his expulsion becomes a
necessity. Yet with many the disgrace of public expulsion would lead to utter
recklessness and ruin. In most cases when removal is unavoidable, the matter
need not be made public. By counsel and co-operation with the parents, let the
teacher privately arrange for the student's withdrawal. {Ed 293.1}

In this time of special danger for the young, temptations
surround them on every hand; and while it is easy to drift, the strongest
effort is required in order to press against the current. Every school should
be a "city of refuge" for the tempted youth, a place where their
follies shall be dealt with patiently and wisely. Teachers who understand their
responsibilities will separate from their own hearts and lives everything that
would prevent them from dealing successfully with the willful and disobedient.
Love and tenderness, patience and self-control, will at all times be the law of
their speech. Mercy and compassion [294] will be blended with
justice. When it is necessary to give reproof, their language will not be
exaggerated, but humble. In gentleness they will set before the wrongdoer his
errors and help him to recover himself. Every true teacher will feel that
should he err at all, it is better to err on the side of mercy than on the side
of severity. {Ed 293.2}

Many youth who are thought incorrigible are not at heart so
hard as they appear. Many who are regarded as hopeless may be reclaimed by wise
discipline. These are often the ones who most readily melt under kindness. Let
the teacher gain the confidence of the tempted one, and by recognizing and
developing the good in his character, he can, in many cases, correct the evil
without calling attention to it. {Ed 294.1}

The divine Teacher bears with the erring through all their
perversity. His love does not grow cold; His efforts to win them do not cease.
With outstretched arms He waits to welcome again and again the erring, the
rebellious, and even the apostate. His heart is touched with the helplessness
of the little child subject to rough usage. The cry of human suffering never
reaches His ear in vain. Though all are precious in His sight, the rough,
sullen, stubborn dispositions draw most heavily upon His sympathy and love; for
He traces from cause to effect. The one who is most easily tempted, and is most
inclined to err, is the special object of His solicitude. {Ed 294.2}

Every parent and every teacher should cherish the attributes
of Him who makes the cause of the afflicted, the suffering, and the tempted His
own. He should be one who can have "compassion on the ignorant, and on
them that are out of the way; for that he himself also is compassed with
infirmity." Hebrews 5:2. Jesus treats us [295] far
better than we deserve; and as He has treated us, so we are to treat others.
The course of no parent or teacher is justifiable if it is unlike that which
under similar circumstances the Saviour would pursue. {Ed 294.3}

Meeting Life's Discipline

Beyond the discipline of the home and the school, all have
to meet the stern discipline of life. How to meet this wisely is a lesson that
should be made plain to every child and to every youth. It is true that God
loves us, that He is working for our happiness, and that, if His law had always
been obeyed, we should never have known suffering; and it is no less true that,
in this world, as the result of sin, suffering, trouble, burdens, come to every
life. We may do the children and the youth a lifelong good by teaching them to
meet bravely these troubles and burdens. While we should give them sympathy,
let it never be such as to foster self-pity. What they need is that which
stimulates and strengthens rather than weakens. {Ed 295.1}

They should be taught that this world is not a parade
ground, but a battlefield. All are called to endure hardness, as good soldiers.
They are to be strong and quit themselves like men. Let them be taught that the
true test of character is found in the willingness to bear burdens, to take the
hard place, to do the work that needs to be done, though it bring no earthly
recognition or reward. {Ed
295.2}

The true way of dealing with trial is not by seeking to
escape it, but by transforming it. This applies to all discipline, the earlier
as well as the later. The neglect of the child's earliest training, and the
consequent strengthening of wrong tendencies, makes his after education more [296]
difficult, and causes discipline to be too often a painful process. Painful it
must be to the lower nature, crossing, as it does, the natural desires and
inclinations; but the pain may be lost sight of in a higher joy. {Ed 295.3}

Let the child and the youth be taught that every mistake,
every fault, every difficulty, conquered, becomes a stepping-stone to better
and higher things. It is through such experiences that all who have ever made
life worth the living have achieved success.

"The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they, while their companions slept,
Were toiling upward in the night."

"We rise by things that are under our feet;
By what we have mastered of good and gain;
By the pride deposed and the passion slain,
And the vanquished ills that we hourly meet."

"All common things, each day's events,
That with the hour begin and end,
Our pleasures and our discontents,
Are rounds by which we may ascend." {Ed 296.1}

We are to "look not at the things which are seen, but
at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal;
but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18. The
exchange we make in the denial of selfish desires and inclinations is an
exchange of the worthless and transitory for the precious and enduring. This is
not sacrifice, but infinite gain. {Ed 296.2}

"Something better" is the watchword of education,
the law of all true living. Whatever Christ asks us to renounce, He offers in
its stead something better. Often the youth cherish objects, pursuits, and
pleasures that may [297] not appear to be evil, but that
fall short of the highest good. They divert the life from its noblest aim.
Arbitrary measures or direct denunciation may not avail in leading these youth
to relinquish that which they hold dear. Let them be directed to something
better than display, ambition, or self-indulgence. Bring them in contact with
truer beauty, with loftier principles, and with nobler lives. Lead them to
behold the One "altogether lovely." When once the gaze is fixed upon
Him, the life finds its center. The enthusiasm, the generous devotion, the
passionate ardor, of the youth find here their true object. Duty becomes a
delight and sacrifice a pleasure. To honor Christ, to become like Him, to work
for Him, is the life's highest ambition and its greatest joy. {Ed 296.3}