I used to think I was perfect- until I got married. Okay so not perfect, but maybe close to perfect.

And it’s hard to believe in December we’ll be celebrating four years of marriage. It’s truly a gift from God and today, I respect and love my husband more than on the day I committed my life to his. He’s my best friend and soul-mate, and I couldn’t live with without him. But I’d be lying if I told you that our marriage isn’t hard work. And that it doesn’t require living intentionally and loving biblically.

Well for a while now, at Bluefish TV, we’ve been working on a small group bible study series called Marriage: Built to Last that I wrote about a few posts ago. We got the kit back from the manufacturer last week and I’m blown away by how well the stories, teaching, and spots have come together.

What I love most about what we’ve produced is the stories from real-life couples. They are transparent to the core and share about real life issues like expectations, communication, conflict, and sex and intimacy. I also say “to the core,” meaning that these couples get down to the dirty, ugly details of their marriage. Some of them expose their pride, anger, pornography, past baggage, affairs, control issues, spending habits, unhappiness and more.

I’ve never really seen such brutal honesty. But it’s so neat to see that through that authenticity, God can really work and it’s evident He has in their marriages. He can replace that pain and brokenness with joy and life and put couples on the path that leads to a marriage built to last.

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“Marriage is hard work.” Wow, is it. Tiffany and I just celebrated three years of marriage (right behind you!) and while it is rewarding, it has not been without some HARD work. My biggest advice to newlyweds or those considering marriage: communication skills. Yeah, yeah, everyone says that. Blah blah blah. I didn’t listen, either. Men and women truly do communicate in drastically different ways. It’s fine once you begin to learn how to speak and understand the other partner’s language, but it takes time, trial and error.

And I certainly had to come to grip with how imperfect I am. Marriage takes you to the next step of adult maturity: learning to think in terms of “we” not “I.” I think this comes a little easier for women, but I could be wrong. For me it is still a struggle. Marriage is not two separate lives becoming one in a 50/50 relationship, like everyone says. It’s two lives re-orienting on one journey, side by side, giving everything: 100/100.

But most importantly, it teaches us about Jesus. Jesus didn’t use marriage as an analogy for no reason. The Church is His bride, a slightly more comfortable image for women perhaps, but something about which both genders have a lot to learn. Jesus has “put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come” (2 Corinthians 1:22).

“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory” (Ephesians 1:13-14).

This is the imagery I’ve had on my mind most recently: the Holy Spirit is our engagement ring. He has sealed us in Christ as His bride-to-be, proposing to us on the cross through our baptism. As we learn to love another human being in all of her imperfection, we see how Christ can love us. It’s humbling.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. . . . This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:25-28, 33).

The Church, His Bride, is presented to Him through the Holy Spirit, having been cleansed “by the washing with water through the word” (baptism) and given the most radiant wedding dress in all creation. What a glorious marriage feast it will be!

Meanwhile we receive a small foretaste of the feast to come, daily lessons of learning to love unconditionally. And learning to receive unconditional love. Both can be painful, and both take work. And submission. Submit to Christ, He has given everything for you. Although free, it was not cheap.

About Me

I'm a former writer/editor for Bluefish TV & Rightnow.org. I'm a seminary wife, stay-at-home Momma, and freelance writer. I write articles & contribute to books on Christian living and spiritual growth.

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