Girlfriend smokes weed behind my back I think. Help please

Hello,
I have a tricky situation... I have dated an amazing women that I love and when I met her I knew she smoked weed. I never had an issue with...
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Hello,

I have a tricky situation... I have dated an amazing women that I love and when I met her I knew she smoked weed. I never had an issue with it. I don't smoke or do drugs at all. I am a clean guy. I thought it would not bother me if she does it but when I first saw her doing it it broke my heart ( my family member died from smoking ) So when she goes and does it with her friends I have a really bad feeling in my heart. I love and care about her and I worry. I got really upset the last time she did it and I was honest with her and said it really bothers and hurts me that she does it. She said that she loves me and that she wold quit doing it.

I just have a feeling that when she goes out with her friends and I am not there that she will do it behind my back event though she said she would quit as she does not need it in her life.

I am afraid that when she comes home she will smell like it and I will get upset. I don't want her to lie to me cause this may make me not trust her,

My question is why does it bother me so much and should I really care that she does it when I am not there.

What Girls Said 1

Well, first of all, if you love her, then you should have no reason not to trust her (assuming she's been faithful and all). So if she says she is going to quit, you *should* trust her and not just assume that every time she goes out with her friends that she is smoking! Also, what if she comes home smelling like smoke? That doesn't necessarily mean that she has been smoking, especially if she's been with her friends who do.

Keep in mind that there is a lot of pressure (social and peer) involved in things like this. Many people tend to grossly underestimate the amount and effect that social influence has on how people live and think! If your women has lived this kind of lifestyle for a while, the process of quitting isn't gonna happen overnight! It could take weeks or months.

If she is really willing to quit because she loves you, then you should give her your full support, trust, and love! It might be a hard thing for her to do, and she might slip-up, but of course, she's only human, like you and I. I think if she really does genuinely want to quit, that speaks volumes about her love for you!

Question for you then..... if she comes home smelling like weed and smoke should I ask her if she smoked weed?

Opinion Owner

If you were to ask her that, and who am I to tell you what/what not to say... but if you were, I would just make sure you ask it in a calm, non-aggressive, non-accusatory way. The last thing you want would be for her to get defensive about it.

If you really wanted to get on her level of understanding... have you read up on weed? If you haven't, I would suggest it. It might be good to figure out more solidly why you don't like it so much too? Instead of just a vague "i don't like this!"

Asker

I think what it may really be is that she said she would quit for me as I do not like it. So if she does it behind my back then I would not like the fact of her lying to me. I would rather have her say I would not do it around you but I would with my friends. That I would accept and I would konw what to expect rather then start a 6 month relationship with things behind my back.