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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

***Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:(This list will be live and updated by afternoon November 13 with all the carnival links.)

One of the
biggest surprises I've discovered in parenting is how often your own children
can teach you lessons. In my case, I had agreed with the kids to have a house
purging. We would clean out everything that was not being used or was not
needed, and we would give it to other families who could actually make use of
them.

The irony
of this, of course, is that the cleaning brought me back to something I wrote
about in the last blog carnival and quite unexpectedly at that. As the girls
were cleaning out their rooms, Jenevieve came to me with a folded blanket,
placed it on the give away pile, and said quite seriously, "I'm ready to
give this away."

At first, I
thought it was just one of the extra blankets that we kept in case the power
went out, but when I unfolded it, my heart sank. It was the sister blanket that
I had bought for Jenevieve and Saja back when we first brought Saja home. I had
gone to Vision Bedding, uploaded pictures of my beautiful little girls, ordered
the custom blanket, and given it to Jenevieve to remind her of her connection
with her baby sister, Saja. Over the years and washings, the blanket had faded
a little, but the pictures were just as beautiful. It still had my art work,
but most importantly, it had my little girls' faces. I just couldn't imagine
letting it go.

An Urge to Hold

I shook my
head when I looked at the blanket. "You can't give this away,
sweetheart," I said. My fists knotted over the blanket, turning my
knuckles as white as the background. "This is a keepsake."

Jenevieve
cocked her head, looking at me with that very perplexed look. "But we have
lots of extra blankets, Mommy," she said. "I don't need that anymore.
I'm not going to forget that Saja is my sister now."

Dej saw my
reaction. He winked at Jenevieve and patted her on the shoulder. "Looks
like you're being pretty thorough," he said. "Why don't you go back
in and finish going through the toy box."

Jenevieve
obeyed, skipping along. Her thick braids bobbed with her, and she left without
a clue that she had so deeply upset me. Dej tried to comfort me. It was very
kind, but the truth was that I felt as if a part of me was being rejected. I
had done some of the artwork on this blanket, and while I still had the
originals, these were my babies' faces on the blanket. They looked so precious
and angelic. How could I possibly give this away?

More Surprises

Dej and I
did not discuss the matter much. We just went back about our cleaning. But
somehow the blanket followed me. I kept holding it, tucking it under my chin
and snuggling it under my arms. I remembered holding Jenevieve and Saja at
different times swaddled in this blanket, reading them stories and wishing away
the nightmares. I had never dreamed that they might decide that they had
outgrown this blanket. After all, wasn't this exactly what a keepsake was
supposed to be?

By the time
we were ready for dinner and sat down to a full table of vegetable soup, rye
bread, and steamed apples, the girls had put together a large pile of things to
give away. I had always thought that we kept things pretty pared down,
considering. But even so we had a lot to give away. Jenevieve and Saja talked
with great excitement, imagining what the other children would say when they
gave them these things. They had already decided that they wanted to take the
clothes, toys, and other items to the West Street Church. They were gathering
supplies and necessities for families who had had their homes destroyed in the
flooding.

"I
hope that we can give it to them in person." Saja said. She tore off a
piece of rye bread and dipped it in her soup. "I want to see their faces
when we give them Milka and Bernita."

My spoon
dropped on the table. Milka and Bernita were the rag dolls that I had made the
girls when two Christmases ago. I had made everything. The dolls, the clothes,
the shoes. This community project was taking a turn I had never expected.

Dej
intervened. "Are you sure you want to do that, girls?" he asked.
"You might want those dolls back. Your mom spent a lot of time making
them."

"We're
too old for dolls now," Jenevieve said. "Besides, there's little kids
out there who lost all theirs. They'd like them better. Besides, it's in our
rules."

I nodded
numbly. The girls had come up with their own set of rules which they planned to
use to determine what to get rid of. I had never imagined that this would lead
to such precious things being given away.

Letting Go

It's hard
to realize that our children can sometimes have a better grasp on perspective
than we do. I know that I could have substituted out another blanket or hidden
this one away, but in that moment, I knew that I was teaching my children a
very valuable lesson. As for the dolls, they insisted on giving those away as
well.

By letting
the blanket and dolls go, I was letting them know that they were right to value
other people's needs above sentimentality. The truth was that this blanket was
soft, well made, and beautiful. Its value was not merely in sentimentality,
and, after all of the tragedy and hardship that has beset this country, another
mother could use this blanket for her children. What good is sentimentality
when there is such suffering and pain?

Now I'm not
going to tell you that I wasn't teary eyed when we went down to the church. The
kids were in the back of the car, and the baby was in the sling. I'm just glad
that he was there, because then I had something to hold onto. The fact was that
I actually felt very silly. I was a grown woman, and my response made no sense.

But when we
reached the church, the pastor and some of the volunteers were there with some
of the families. The girls hopped out of the van, carrying baskets of their
used toys and goods. They presented them to the pastor, broad smiles on their
little faces. And my little boy followed along dragging one of his trucks. (He
had tried to make his mommy feel better by telling me that he would never give
away the stuffed lion I made him.)

The kids
presented the toys and clothes. They then volunteered us to help sort and
organize the rest of the incoming supplies. Since Dej was working and I had all
of the kids, we did stick around to help out. The supplies kept coming in, and
the families in need also began to come as well.

Everything
was given away by the end of the afternoon. A mother with two toddler girls
took Milka and Bernita, and another mother with a newborn took the sister
blanket. I am glad that we stayed to volunteer. As hard as it was, it helped to
realize that the gifts would serve a greater purpose in their new homes. And
ultimately, I am thankful that my daughters understand that people are more
important than things.

Volunteering with a Child — Volunteer work does not need to be put on hold while we raise our children. Jenn of Monkey Butt Junction discusses some creative options for volunteering with a child at Natural Parents Network.

Family Service Learning: Advent Calendar — Lyndsay at ourfeminist{play}school offers her family's approach to some holiday-related community service by sharing their community focused Advent Calendar. She includes so tips and suggestions for making your own in time for this year's holidays.

When Giving It Away Is Too Hard for Mommy — Jade at Looking Through Jade Glass But Dimly lets her children choose the charity for the family but struggles when her children's generosity extends to giving away treasured keepsakes.

Community Service Through Everyday Compassion — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children calls us to Community Service Through Everyday Compassion; sometimes it is the small things we can do everyday that make the greater impacts.

School Bags and Glad Rags — Alt Family are trying to spread a little love this Christmas time by involving the kids in a bit of charity giving.

Children in (Volunteering) Service — Luschka at Diary of a First Child reminisces on her own experiences of volunteering as a child, reflects on what she thinks volunteering teaches children and how she hopes voluntary service will impact on her own children.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

In
anticipation of the upcoming Natural Parenting Blog Carnival, Dej and I decided
to do a community service project with our children. The four little imps have
proven quite impish as usual, but they are determined and eager to help, much
to my delight.

While my
youngest is still in a baby sling, we decided that we were going to get
involved as a family and spread the joy and gratitude that we have. Since
Jenevieve and Saja are both old enough to have input, and Corrim can say a few
words of opinion, Dej and I decided to let them pick out what they would do.

The girls
decided and Corrim later agreed to purge the house of everything that we don't
need and then give it to the families affected by the storms and fires. They
set their own rules for this, which have really surprised me by their maturity.
Here they are:

1)If
we have not played with it or worn it in six months and it isn't seasonal, we
give it away.

2)If
we have more than one of it and don't need an extra, we give it away.

3)If
we only kind of like it and we don't need it, we give it away.

4)If
it takes up a lot of space and we only use it a little, then we give it away.

I suspect that the girls are
hoping to get rid of the monstrosity of a folding chair that is in their play
room. Dej and I have had that chair, and it became the official nursing chair
after Jenevieve was first born.

So for the past week, we have been
cleaning and purging, and it has been a very insightful time for all of us.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Something
wonderful is about to happen! Or rather, it will be happening in a few months.
Dej and I have decided that come spring, we will start raising our own colony
of bees!

Beekeeping
has been a long repressed hobby of mine. My grandfather used to keep a large
colony of bees beside his apple orchard and vineyard. They always supplied the
family with delicious fresh honey and honeycomb, and we made sure to care for
them. Combining the fresh honey in tea helped soothe many a vicious sore
throat.

I remember
playing outside near the beehives. The bees never stung me. Not the honeybees
at least. My sister and I never had a problem or a fear of them. Some of my
friends have expressed concerns about this decision. They say that the children
will be stung or harmed. But I respectfully disagree.

Nature
cannot be controlled. It cannot be shut down. And I don’t want to be one of
those mothers who tries to child proof nature. I got my fair share of scrapes
and bruises, and they did not harm me significantly. Now this does not mean
that I will let my children frolic with the wolves that have been sighted up
north or that I will send them out to play in the mountains with pork chops
wrapped around their necks. But at the same time, this does not mean that I
should keep my children away from all insects and other natural parts of the
world.

The
benefits of raw honey are numerous and incredible. My own father, horrifically
allergic to bees, has found a strong reversal of his symptoms as he has
consumed raw honey.

So, after a
great deal of research, prayer, and consideration, Dej and I have decided to go
ahead and start raising our own. Some details still have yet to be established.
But I am delighted and can hardly wait.

We will
also be raising our own chickens soon. A friend of mine will have some chicks
ready for us very soon, and we will soon have our own fresh eggs to boot.
Jenevieve and Saja are particularly delighted with this idea, and I can’t blame
them. Soon our little homestead will be flowing with eggs and honey!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

When the
economy turned south, my family’s meager budget suddenly seemed a lot smaller.
I had already cut most of the meat from our diet, and we developed an indoor
garden to help us grow vegetables year round.

Even before
money was tight, we always grew our own vegetables, prepared, and froze or
dried them to get us through the winter. We used cloth diapers and had our own
well. With the fireplace in our kitchen and living room, we heat the house with
wood during the cold months, and in the spring, we tend the trees on our back
acreage to make sure that we are not overtapping our supply. Whatever can be
recycled, we do. In fact, we even just recently learned how to make sandals out
of recycled tires. Buying natural and fresh is not an option, and with this constant
work, it has not been that much more expensive.

Beginning a Business

But things
started to change once I started my own business. I’m an artist. I specialize
in conceptual paintings and images that seek to capture the soul and heart of a
person or a scene rather than what is just there. My business, though small, is
in sketching pictures and combining photos to make gorgeous custom blankets.
For the actual printing, I use Vision Bedding. I chose them because they
complete their entire business within the United States, and the quality is
excellent. Working with all American businesses and buying organic and American
is very important to my husband and me.

I wish I
could say though that our conviction did not waver. But as prices continued to
rise and I started finding it more difficult to earn with my blankets, I
started looking for places that I could cut costs with my business. Was there a
way that we could cut the costs?

Looking to Cut Costs

At first, I
looked at printing stores aside from Vision Bedding. But, as I clicked through
each one, I found either ethical or financial reasons not to change. My oldest
daughter came to place financial accountant with me. As she sat next to me at
the kitchen table, poring over the printed and handwritten receipts, she tilted
her head. “It’s not the bedding store, Mommy,” she said. “It’s the paints. You
can get these at Wal-Mart for $2.”

Off the top
of my head, I didn’t remember how much I spent on paints. But I knew she was
right. You see, my work is highly personal. I don’t just pick up the phone,
gather the pictures, and arrange them on the quilt template like a novice
scrapbooker. When I receive an order, I sit down with my customer, and I talk
in depth. I learn about the person the blanket is for. I come to understand who
they are. We are all more than faces. We are souls and minds with memories,
hopes, and dreams, concepts which make us far more than the mere sum of our
parts. My goal is to reveal a little bit of the soul with each blanket I
design.

With that
in mind, I always sketch out the initial portraits by hand before I scan them
in along with the photographs. Sometimes I paint with watercolors. Other times
I sketch with charcoals. A nine image quilt easily has six different pictures
plus drafts. Often times, I include hand drawn and painted pictures with the
blanket as a thank you to my customers. And for all this work, I use homemade
paints and charcoals.

The Watercolor Lady

No, I don’t
make them. I buy them from the Watercolor Lady, a sweet woman who visits her
customers in person, bringing their orders in her little black basket. She
rides a green bicycle with the basket mounted on the front and a turquoise and
amethyst paisley cloth over the top. When the weather turns cold like it is
now, she wears a large purple scarf over her head and a long wool coat, looking
for all the world like a babushka. Compared to pens, pencils, and paints made
in China or Mexico, her prices are extremely high.

The
Watercolor Lady makes her own dyes for her paints. She oversees every step of
the process. And she relies on this side business of hers to supplement her own
income. Whenever she comes to the house, I pick up an order of two to five
different paint colors and perhaps a bit of charcoal. True, sometimes I don’t
just buy what I need. I like to think of it as a luxury.

But now at
that kitchen table, the table where we seem to have so many conversations, my
little Jenevieve and I were talking about perhaps changing our paint source.
Source makes it sound far more impersonal. It’s all business. Not a big deal. But
when you see the Watercolor Lady, you suddenly realize that nothing is just
business.

“Why do you
think we should cut the paints?” I asked Jenevieve.

“It would
save us money.”

“Is saving
money the most important thing?” I asked.

“No…”
Jenevieve answered slowly, studying my face as if she was not sure which one
was the right answer. “But it is a good thing.”

That was
true. I smiled and picked up the receipt. The Watercolor Lady always did
calligraphic letters for her receipts, using her own ink and quill. “It’s good
sometimes, but not if you give up something else you value.”

Not Worth the Money

When we
choose to go into business, we have to make many decisions. A side or a hobby
business is no different. I am raising my children to understand that we bear a
certain responsibility for the money that we spend and where it goes. In some
cases, we may not have a choice but to buy something manufactured overseas

I could
certainly save money by not purchasing my art supplies from the Watercolor
Lady. But I choose to give my business to her. We are interconnected.
Purchasing handmade or homemade goods does not come with the cheapness of mass
manufactured, but it does come with connections. A human connection. When I buy
from her, I am contributing to the economy on a level where I can actually make
a difference and see it.

And I guess
in a way, that I am treating the Watercolor Lady as I hope my customers will treat
me. Any of them could go and buy a soft blanket from Singapore at half the
cost. But I offer something in addition to the physical product.

My father
always used to tell me that our money shows us what our values are. It’s a
small way to live by example. So I am still buying paints from the Watercolor
Lady. It’s important, even in times of economic crisis, to not stop pursuing
those things that matter. The bottom line and overall cost are important
factors to consider, but it’s not worth it if we give up something far more
valuable.