Softness

Gawain is enormous, and hard and strong and has stamina like no one’s business. Often I would request, nay, demand that he be rougher with me. Begging him to pin me down and fuck me harder, take me like he has no control. But this was generally met with gentleness and agonizingly torturous sensuality. I have no complaints, but I couldn’t quite figure out why he wouldn’t meet that particular demand.

It took a while before we could come to that – when I say “enormous” I mean it. For all the skin mags that celebrate size, it does present its challenges. It took quite a while before I could fully take him in, and I need more lube with him than I ever have before. But I think I may understand a bit better now. His caution. His caring. His concern.

I haven’t spent a great deal of time exploring women, though not for lack of willingness or interest. It simply hasn’t been where my path has taken me much to this point. But my few experiences have led to a few conclusions, and revelations. An understanding of the differences in how our bodies appear and feel and present. The first time I ever kissed a woman was here with Topaz. A truly intoxicating experience that immediately erased all thoughts of the nude admiring man inches away from us enjoying the show. Why play with him, when this utterly enchanting fantasy was there in front of me, offering herself for my exploration?

I enjoy men’s bodies. The hardness, the freedom to crawl all over them, biting, scratching, squeezing and thrusting. The trust implied, knowing that while I have the illusion of power to reduce them to pure feeling, eyes rolling back in their heads, making absurd little sounds, really with their strength I am in an utterly vulnerable position.

But women – their bodies simply beg to be fondled and caressed with each inch of bare skin tantalizingly licked and teased. Our bodies are so much softer, with tiny delicate wrists and necks and ribs…My subsequent encounters with Kimberly made me realize that I was equally reluctant to grab her hair and potentially bruise her body as I imagine Gawain can be with me.

Not that this is the rule of course. On my more wanton, wet and impatient days, Gawain is more than able to deliver me the hard fucking I beg for – but only when he’s confident that I am absolutely ready. And I have no doubt, with a little more time and experience with other women, my confidence to be rougher there too will grow. But I get it now. And I look forward to the opportunity to learn more…

I like this post. It’s interesting to see “the man’s point of view” through “a woman’s eyes.” And I’ve had exactly this problem/issue/conundrum with past lovers; there is often a desire, on both sides, for more aggression, more roughness, more… just MORE. But as the initiator, there is sometimes a hesitancy, until I can be sure that we’re both on the same page.

When it comes to new lovers, there is also the issue of language; sometimes a girl says she likes it rough and means that she likes hard and fast sex, but another girl might say she likes it rough and mean that she likes to be slapped and have her hair pulled. If I misinterpret the meaning from either of these girls she’ll think I’m an idiot. (I am, but in cases like this I excuse myself from blame.)

It’s part of the reason, to be honest, that I often prefer more experienced lovers over younger ones. (I fully realize that experience and age aren’t the same thing, but I stand by that sentence nonetheless.) Experienced lovers understand some of the nuances you’re bringing out here, and have their expectations properly set from the beginning. (Usually. It’s not a perfect world.)