Saturday, June 19, 2010

MISS ME COZ I MISS YOU...MY HEART BECOMES SOLID, IN THERE WHEN I PLACE YOU...

I chose to read this post after a long time and became mushy as I went through it. It feels weird reading again one of your own posts written long time back. I suggest, you too give it a try. I've edited this post on 15-03-13.

The original post starts now (with some changes due to some sentences' restructuring to eliminate grammatical errors that I had made then which I couldn't stand now). Here it goes..

Have you ever experienced hollowness??

Have you ever felt as if you need to cry but you can’t?

Did you ever feel the need of crying with no substantial reason in front of you??

I'm guessing that everyone must have felt so at some point of time in their lives (to avoid being a different kettle of fish) )!!

A few years back , when I had to bid final goodbye to my college, on the lanes of which, years had walked on different roads. And my hostel stood there silently as if with a solemn message "Believe it or not, but I was your home". To bring it though under a lighter note, I saw it mocking me with a sarcasm saying, "Enough of lollygagging. Now get lost!"

So I had to vacate my hostel room and say good bye to some of my friends and to my surprise I had real tears in my eyes which I could not conceal behind my otherwise deep dry eyes and soon I was reminded of the time four years back when I was asked by my parents to shift to the hostel room. I remembered how bad I had felt then, as if leaving those only individuals with whom I felt the most protected and then it seemed I was about embark a journey, once again after 4 years, into a world full of individuals who would think me to be nothing more than a mere living entity. What I could not understand then was that why such thoughts were pouring in my mind and what exactly did I feel bad about!

All I knew was that I remembered that I had felt bad leaving home when I had to leave for college and that my mom whose tenderness is unique and incomparable, a fact had generated tears to shamelessly roll down my cheeks.
So as all these memories were flooding my head preparing me to become part of a bigger emotional set up, one of my friends came running to me and hugged me, sobbing and asking for forgiveness as she knew that I was upset. She was not supposed to be there as she had some plans and I knew that and so I had anticipated that she wouldn't be there to see me off. But she was there. And so my eyes became watery again while another friend of mine seemed to maintain composed disposition until her father made her realise by stating the fact, the truth that from now on the college life we had lived for four years was to be lived only in our memories for the rest of our lives. And it was enough to ignite our swollen hearts we were bearing then to avoid spilling floods of sentimental stuff that we were trying hard to control…
I had never cried in those four years in front of my friends and on the last day too, I tried to do so, but this time the efforts went in vain or may be for the first time I didn’t really want to veil my feelings in from them.

I had to leave for my hometown, Pune where I had to stay for four days before joining my first company and this time I didn’t’ feel like leaving for the city. The sense of hollowness deepened and I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t I happy with the idea of being at home for even four days.
After coming back from home, the same feeling clouded me. With the care that my mother was able to shower in that little time she had reminded me of the fact that no one else in this world had the ability to love me in such self-less manner and that how she went through all the odds only to support me, and how even with the distance between the cities in which we resided was not able to bring even a fraction amount of difference in the love and care that she had for me four years back.
Can anybody think of any mother to even come across an idea of trying to replace her child with other interesting things that otherwise some silly minds think of in case of long distance relationships..?? At least I haven’t come across one.

Well for now, my belief in loving and caring for your parents always throughout your life (specially my mom in my case) has strengthened manifold.
Take out few minutes in your apparent busy lives and give it a thought!

Great post sakshi..I think every student who is living apart from home, in hostel.. feels bad when time to leave the hostel because so many memories attached to them.. and after 4-5 years if you have a chance to go and see your room/hostel, you will remember all those memories with tears in your eyes..