[UPDATE, APRIL 30, 2013: Pulled. Come back May 1 for details, if you want.]

[UPDATE, May 1, 2013: Oh, you’re back! Well, you know, the same basic info has been posted here by SideCar and it pays off on the headline of cars getting impounded. So I guess that’s that, for now. Thank you, drive through,]

Abercrombie, he just wanted the stuff back, but Fitch insisted on pressing charges….

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Learn to love me
Assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow and always
My only weakness is a listed crime
My only weakness is … well, never mind, never mind

Oh, shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over
Hand it over
Hand it over

Learn to love me
And assemble the ways
Now, today, tomorrow, and always
My only weakness is a listed crime
But last night the plans of a future war
Was all I saw on Channel Four

Shoplifters of the world
Unite and take over
Shoplifters of the world
Hand it over
Hand it over
Hand it over

A heartless hand on my shoulder
A push – and it’s over
Alabaster crashes down
(Six months is a long time)
Tried living in the real world
Instead of a shell
But before I began …
I was bored before I even began

“What happened, according to the SFPD’s Park Station statement, was that at shortly after 11 PM Friday night, two uniformed officers in a cruiser stopped in the street to investigate a man lying down in the road. When they approached, he jumped up and punched one of the officers in the head. According to a security guard at Whole Foods, who witnessed the incident, the assailant called for help from a group of street kids nearby.”

Read all about it.

A hippie SFPD cop with “Stealie” clip identifier on his “assault weapon*”

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*As defined by Senator DiFi. (Of course most people would call a run-of-the-mill, police-issue handgun and handgun, but not DiFi.)

Columbus Day 2012 marks the 520 year anniversary of the genocidal and ecocidal project of Empire building and colonial expansion that began with the conquistador invasion of this continent and continues to this day through the daily violence and exploitation of global capitalism.

It also marks the 20 year anniversary of the first American Black Bloc which disrupted the 1992 Columbus Day Parade in San Francisco’s North Beach neighborhood.

This year during Columbus Day weekend, a West Coast Anti-Colonial, Anti-Capitalist convergence is being organized in San Francisco. As a contribution to this effort, we are calling for friends and comrades to gather at 2pm on Saturday, October 6 for a rowdy march through the heart of the city’s financial district.

We will honor the memories of all those who fought back and resisted the onslaught of empire over the past five centuries by unleashing the power of our own resistance in the very heart of capitalism on the West Coast. We are proud to stand in solidarity with others whose fierce struggles continue to hold off the machinery of domination and exploitation.

We draw inspiration from the countless struggles of indigenous resistance to capitalist projects of development and expansion: from the mountains of Black Mesa, where elders fiercely protect their way of life in the shadow of a coal mine, to the rebel autonomous municipality of Chéran in Michoacán, México where both the repressive forces of the state and the drug cartels have been expelled while loggers infringing upon indigenous territory have been chased off communal lands, to the far north of Canada where indigenous peoples block roads and disrupt plans for expanding resource extraction while students and radicals in Montreal riot outside the gates of the Plan du Nord summit. These brave fighters motivate us to spread the fires of resistance in the ongoing struggles against colonialism and capitalism.

It is also fitting that October 7 marks the 11 year anniversary of the US invasion of Afghanistan, another brutal example of colonial domination’s recent manifestations. We invite all those who stand in opposition to Empire and in solidarity with the struggles of the Afghan people to join us on this march.

The Anti-Colonial, Anti-Capitalist March will gather at Justin Herman Plaza for a rally at 2pm and the march will begin at 3pm sharp. Stay tuned for additional details and ways to get involved.

This action is part of the Decolonize the New World 2012: West Coast Anti-Colonial, Anti-Capitalist Convergence in San Francisco during Columbus Day weekend. The convergence is being called for by Decolonize and Anti-Capitalist comrades in the Pacific Northwest and Bay Area.

On October 6, 2012 at approximately 2:50pm, a group of protesters gathered at Justin Herman Plaza. The group began a unpermitted march west bound on Market Street. The group, a number of them wearing black clothing, masks covering their faces, took to the streets disrupting the normal flow of traffic. Officers arrived in the area and were struck by projectiles thrown at them by members of this group. One officer was struck in the head and sustained non-life threatening injuries. The protesters were admonished multiple times that the march was unpermitted and there were causing a public safety hazard.

When the group failed to leave the roadway, Officers encircled them at California and Battery and the protesters threw flares and bags of paint at the officers. Some of the bags of paint contained rocks. A portion of this group ran to the area of Pine and Sansome where they were detained. A number of police officers and their uniforms were covered in paint.

Police made approximately 22 arrests from both locations. The suspects were arrested on one or more of the following charges: conspiracy, riot, refusing to obey a lawful order from a peace officer and resisting, delaying and obstructing a peace officer, and assault and battery on a peace officer. A lawful search of the arrested suspects’ backpacks revealed that many were armed with hammers, an ice pick, flares and other weapons and more bags of paint containing rocks. The suspects vandalized vehicles and businesses as the walked. Any witnesses to these acts of vandalism are encouraged to notify the SFPD. Attached are photos of some of the weapons the protesters had in their possession.”

You know, that whole Miami face-eater incident has put our San Francisco Bath Salts Company (“THE AUTHORITY ON BATH SALTS”) on edge these days. So much so that its president just issued a press release to tell us all not to fear.

“Zombie Attacker Not High on ‘Bath Salts’ – San Francisco Bath Salt Company Reacts

SAN FRANCISCO, July 2, 2012 — Following weeks of assumption that the street drug “bath salts” was to blame for Miami’s flesh-eating attack, local and national media outlets are reporting that medical examiners determined that Rudy Eugene did not have any “bath salts” in his system at the time of the attack. San Francisco Bath Salt Company (SFBSC), a manufacturer of legitimate bath salts, is pleased to learn that the sensationalized controversy over bath salts and whether they will turn you into a crazed zombie has finally been debunked.

“It was clear from the beginning that real bath salts were not the cause of this attack,” SFBSC president Lee Williamson said. “However, it is reassuring to finally put the speculation surrounding this particular issue to rest.”

Though most commonly known as “bath salts,” the street drug is also sold under other innocent names such as “plant food” and “glass cleaner.” “The mass media really overused the term ‘bath salts’ with this case. They were able to take something so seemingly innocuous as ‘bath salts’ and elevate the story to national prominence with shock value,” adds Williamson.

“Any extra exposure that our industry can get is generally a good thing. But I never would have imagined that a street drug commonly known as ‘bath salts’ would become a national crisis, resulting in a media frenzy,” Williamson admits.

The bath salts manufactured and sold by SFBSC contain only natural sea salt enhanced with other quality ingredients such as essential oils and natural fragrances. Their products are manufactured to offer therapeutic solutions for sore muscles and dry skin, among other benefits.

Visit the new SFBSC website for more details on the vast array of bath salts available at http://www.sfbsc.com.

About San Francisco Salt Company

The San Francisco Salt Company designs, develops, and sells an extensive line of bath and shower salts to soothe, cure, and promote relaxation, as well as a line of gourmet chef salts to guarantee just the right flavors for your dishes.

Their mission is to raise your awareness of the amazing benefits of natural sea salts – to harness the power of the ocean to enhance your well-being, from the inside out.”

San Francisco police officers arrested three men acting together to pickpocket Muni patrons. Taken into custody November 29 were Miguel Lucana, 42, of San Francisco; Antonio Martinez, 34, also of San Francisco; and Juan Gonzales, 38, of Oakland.

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“On November 29, shortly after 3:00 P.M., two plain clothes SFPD officers assigned to the Muni Task Force were at the bus stop at Geary and Powell streets preparing to board a bus as part of ongoing efforts to help prevent pickpocket thefts on buses. One of the officers recognized Lucana, who has prior police contacts, standing at the bus stop with a t-shirt draped over his shoulder. Typically, a pickpocket will conceal his arm and hand during the theft attempt.

Standing next to Lucana on the crowded 38 Muni, one of the officers saw him attempt unsuccessfully to furtively open the purse of a woman standing next to him. Lucana then moved to another part of the bus, where he spoke with suspects Martinez and Gonzales. Pickpockets often work in pairs or more. One passenger on the bus reported that his wallet was missing

All three suspects were detained in the vicinity of Post and Fillmore streets. Police recovered the victim’s wallet, which had been in Lucana’s possession.

All three suspects were charged with theft and conspiracy and remain in custody.

“I am extremely proud of our Muni Task Force for everything they do to help keep this system safe,” said Ed Reiskin, SFMTA Director of Transportation. “Their dedication and hard work further ensure that those who commit crimes on Muni will be brought to justice.”

The San Francisco Police Department reminds the public to be vigilant of their belongings and surroundings in crowded public spaces, and especially on publictransportation. Keep wallets in a front pocket and purses within sight at all times. Be wary of any abrupt physical contact or suspicious behavior. Citizens are also advised to use electronic devices sparingly in public, as criminal opportunists take advantage of citizens distracted while using these devices.”

On November 24, 2011 at 2:45 AM, an attempted homicide occurred on the corner of 9th Ave/Geary. Prior to the incident the victim and suspect got into a physical altercation inside of a restaurant on the corner of 11th Ave/Geary in San Francisco. Both victim and suspect were eventually separated and left the restaurant. The victim then walked to a gas station located on 9th Ave/Geary. The suspect described as a mixed race or Latin male, 18-24 years old, with short black hair and a manicured beard was then seen getting into the pictured vehicle listed below and drove off.

The suspect then drove his vehicle, described as a black Mazda CX type SUV with possible front end damage, and twelve spoke sports rims into the gas station on 9th/Geary and intentionally struck the victim. The suspect fled the scene. Witnesses to the fight took photos of the suspect at the time of the fight. The victim received life threatening injuries due to being struck by the suspect vehicle.

San Francisco Police Criminal Investigations Unit is requesting the public’s assistance in identifying the suspect in this attempted homicide. Witnesses or persons with information are asked to call the anonymous tip line at (415) 575-4444 or “Text-a-Tip” at TIP411 from their cell phones. Please include “SFPD’ in the beginning of the text message.”

“This IS the legendary Jack-n-the-Box of SF! That’s right.. open 24 hours baby.. and with PARKING. Now if the SFPD were smart, they’d put a squad car here at midnight..because only after you’ve finished drinking your 5th pint does a couple of Jumbo Jack with extra mayo and with the burger drowned in ketchup actually sound tasty.

I remember when I used to come here late at night. It’s like a rainbow coalition meeting. You have your clubbers, pub crawlers, homeless and 3rd shifters getting their Jack on. Since the inside is small we were all elbow to elbow forced into a temporary bonding moment that even would make Martin Luther King smile as he watched his dream come true.

But that dream was crushed as they have started to lock their doors after 10pm. That’s right folks.. you are now limited to ordering through a walk-thru. If you haven’t seen the walk-thru it’s a contraption that relies on “The Cube” where you put your money through.”