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Mondays suck. You know what else sucks? Terrible sex. You’re gracious enough to let someone put another notch on your bed post, all the while knowing that if you have too many of those (which is like, what, more than three?) you won’t be good enough to be someone’s wife or girlfriend someday and how does he repay you? By being terrible.

I’ve had a few bedroom mishaps in my day, from a broken bunk bed (his) in college to a case of ‘is it in yet, cause I don’t feel a thing’ to a growler…yes, as in Mufasa, Simba and ‘nem growling. But I think the handsdown most awkward moment came when a friend who I’d had a long-time mutual attraction to and I decided to get it popping only to find the experience to be less than…just…less than. A lowlight: despite suffering from Nostrokeatall disease, homeboy decided to yell out “Who’s ____ is this?”, to which I replied “Um, it’s mine. I was just letting you borrow it for a moment.” I don’t think either of us will ever forget that.

Your turn, Clutch fam. Got any awesomely bad anecdotes from the sack? Of course, its understood that we are all just kidding, that we’re actually quite virtuous and that we’re only making these things up for fun, k?