Butt Dial Breakup

"So, can that giant bitch do this," asked my fiancé Elaine, taking the length of my dick into her mouth and halfway down her throat. She opened her mouth and grazed the top with her teeth gently, and it felt so good that I wasn't going to be able to hold back.

"Whoa cowboy, we're nowhere near done," said Elaine. She squeezed the base of my dick and got off the floor. Then she lay down on the bed beside me, and started gently kissing me, slowing down the action so I'd last longer. I pulled her over to me until we were as close as we could get without being the same person, and grabbed a couple of handfuls of her generous ass.

Elaine had awoken me over an hour ago with the day's first blowjob, and we were still at it. Whenever she had to go out of town for her job, she always tried to kill me with sex before she left and after she returned.

I'd actually gone on a few of these trips with her, but they were so boring, that I started letting her go alone. Besides I trusted her. We were supposed to be getting married, three weeks from tomorrow, and were very much in love, or so I thought.

Yesterday, we'd been walking through a nearby park, hand in hand. You know it's one of those things that people who are in love do, that no one knows why we do it. I know that the guys do it, because we figure that if we do a lot of those useless romantic things, we get pussy. There is no other reason for us to want to walk slowly around a fucking park, on a beautiful day when we could be washing our cars, or playing video games or watching sports. So women if your guy tells you, that he loves taking long walks in the park, know that, "A," he's lying, and that, "B," he's lying because he loves you, or at least because he wants to fuck you.

Anyway we're walking through the park, and Elaine is going over some minute detail about our upcoming wedding yet again, when I saw her.

Noelle Peterson, the one that got away. All through high-school and halfway through college, I'd had a crush on Noelle Peterson. She'd disappeared halfway through college, just did not show up for year three. Of course there were rumors; a girl that hot doesn't just go off the grid without causing a disturbance in the force. I'd heard several of them. She'd gotten pregnant and had to leave school. She'd quit to become a model; She'd quit to do porn, no one really knew. And now here she was again.

She was just there, jogging slowly in the park, what were the odds of that. As she got near us, I just stopped and stared at her, with my mouth hanging open. Apparently I'd lost the ability to work my body parts, because I couldn't seem to remember how to close it. My mouth wasn't the only thing I'd forgotten. Elaine was still walking and didn't realize that I wasn't until the yank on our still clasped hands almost pulled her off her feet.

Noelle jogged over and said "Hi," just as if the past four years had never happened.

"Hi Cal," she said, with her effervescent smile.

"Hi Noelle," I replied, with every fiber of my being trying to sound as friendly as possible, while also conveying the fact that I'd do anything she wanted anytime she wanted.

"Who's this?" she asked, holding out her hand to Elaine.

"Who's who?" I replied still smiling like an idiot.

I was brought out of my stupor by Elaine's sharp elbow hitting my sensitive ribs.

"Besides, she's gone, and if you know what's good for you, don't ever let me hear that bitch's name come out of your mouth," she said. I guess I was prepared for the reaction, because Noelle was a very polarizing force. Every guy I knew, regardless of race creed or color, lusted after her. And almost every woman I knew hated her.

Noelle was probably the sweetest and kindest person I knew, and I really believe that she had no idea, of the reaction she caused in men. Women on the other hand just seemed to automatically compare themselves to her, and lost. She was tall, and slender, with incredible legs, a heart shaped butt, and just perfect breasts. She had long very blond hair, blue eyes, and lips that just demanded to be kissed.

Elaine on the other hand, was barely five feet tall; with the biggest juiciest ass you've ever seen. This was important to me because I am beyond a doubt an ass man plain and simple. Over the next couple of days, I could tell Elaine was still reacting to the Noelle encounter. Every time we did anything, it was, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather be with Noelle." Even now after more than an hour of great sex, there were the Noelle comparisons.

Elaine straddled me with her head facing towards my feet. Then she started riding me faster and faster. She knew I loved this position, because it allowed me to watch her flex that ass as she worked. She had this ability to squeeze my dick with the walls of her vagina and just milk the sperm out of me. Right now, she was squeezing and I was squirming, and then she suddenly stopped. She turned her head and torso around so she could look over her shoulder at me.

"Almost there huh?" she smiled at me.

"Uh huh," I said, nodding vigorously at her.

"I guess you want to cum, huh?" she asked.

"Well yeah," I snapped.

She started moving again, and I teetered near the brink.

"Slap that ass, baby," she said.

"You like that ass, don't you?" she asked in a breathless voice.

"Oh yeah I replied doing my best to hold back."

"You like this pussy, don't you?" she asked again.

"I love this pussy," I said through clenched teeth.

Then she got off me and came around and looked at me.

"Good," she snapped evilly.

"I want you to remember, how pissed off you are at me right now," she smirked.

"Because, if you ever "Run into" that bitch again, this is how it'll be," she snapped.

"Only you'll be cut off permanently," she said.

Then she got up and took a shower leaving me there on the bed. When she came out of the bathroom, I was pissed. As she sauntered over to me to kiss me goodbye, I didn't even want to talk to her, let alone kiss her goodbye. I really just wanted her to get the fuck out of my apartment so I could jack off while I thought about Noelle.

"Are you going to drive me to the airport, honey?" she asked in a sweet voice.

"Yeah," I said angrily. I didn't even shower; I just threw some clothes on, and took her to the airport.

"I guess you're angry with me," she said. "But I was just trying to prove a point to you. You and I love each other, we're all we need," she said. "We really don't need anyone else butting into our relationship or our heads."

"You belong to me," she continued, "Not to some old friend or fantasy girl. I promise, I'll take care of you better than ever, as soon as I get home, tomorrow."

"You'll be home tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yes baby, why should I stay for the entire conference, when I can come home to you," she said.

"My boss, Dean, is receiving an award, and I have to introduce him before he does his presentation," she continued. "That's tonight, but I don't need to be there for the rest of the events."

"So first thing in the morning, I'll be telling, my co-workers goodbye and flying home to my man," she said, "why would I want to stay with them when I could be with you?"

When she said that, it did make me feel a little bit better, so I decided, that when I got home, I'd let my dick decided who I wanted to jack off to, but she still wasn't forgiven.

"Can you try to handle at least a couple of the wedding planning things from that list I left you?" she asked as she kissed me goodbye.

"We've got over two weeks before the wedding," I said, there's plenty of time.

I drove home and got really busy, doing a lot of important stuff, that needed to be done. I washed my Mustang, so I could try out, a new type of wax. For the past two years, I'd been stuck; I really didn't know whether I liked the McGuire's wax or the Turtle wax Ice better. This time I was trying an older product, Turtle Wax Cleaner Wax, what I liked about it was that it could go straight on the car while it was still wet.

Then I went to the movies with my friend Steve, and we stopped by Best Buy on our way home to upgrade my iPhone. By the time I got done doing all of the important stuff, there was no time left to do any of the wedding stuff. Well it was still early, but I was hungry, surely she wouldn't want me to starve just to handle some of the minor details for her wedding?

My cell phone rang and naturally it was her, calling to tell about what she was doing. She was upset because she had flubbed her intro speech. Some of her colleagues had laughed, but she took it very seriously.

"I'm just going to go to bed, and wake up early, to get to the airport to fly back to you Cal," she said.

"I can hardly wait," I said.

We said our goodbyes and hung up. I lay down on the bed thinking about how great my life was. Sure I hadn't ended up with Noelle, but Elaine was right, Noelle was a fantasy. I needed a real woman in my life. Besides, I am an ass man, and Elaine might not be centerfold material, but her ass was a work of art. I would never trade her for Noelle.

Just as I was about to drift off to sleep dreaming dirty dreams about my fiancé, my cell phone rang again. It was Elaine's phone, so I picked it up.

"Hello," I said. "Did you forget something?"

No one said anything. In the background I heard someone humming and it sounded like Elaine. Then I heard a telephone ringing in the background as well.

I realized that Elaine had accidentally, put her phone, either in her pocket or down on the table, and pushed a button that caused the phone to call me. It was called butt dialing, and sometimes the things that people said when they didn't think anyone could hear them were really funny. I pushed the record button on my iPhone and continued to listen.

I heard Elaine answer her hotel room phone.

"No, you can't come up here," she said.

"I already told you, last time was the last time," she added.

"Cal and I are getting married soon," she said.

"Because, he never knew about it, and he won't," she said.

"Besides, we aren't married yet," she said.

"But once we are, I intend to be faithful," she said.

"No, I don't think it'll get boring, but you would know, wouldn't you, after all you are the one who's married," she said.

"No, absolutely not, not even just for that," she said.

Then there was silence, for a while and I was having trouble breathing.

"Alright," she said,"Come on up, but this is the last time."

"I mean it," she said.

A few minutes later, I heard her let him into the room and I heard exactly what I needed to hear.

"Don't ever ask me to do this again Brian," she said. Then I heard a zipper going down, heavy breathing and all the rest.

I couldn't believe she was fucking Brian Matthews. It was hilarious. That motherfucker was practically a Marsupial. He was built like a kangaroo. He had a really tiny upper body, and a huge almost womanly ass, and a big gut. Then to top it off, he had a long pointy nose and an overbite.

I'm no where near Brad Pitt, but I'm a lot closer than he is.

The thought of them rolling around in bed together would be comedic, if my heart wasn't breaking.

The rumor about Brian was that he'd married his sister because he and his wife looked so much alike.

Well, fuck Elaine, Brian could have her. There was no way I intended to try and stand in the path of true love. She could spend the rest of her fucking life sneaking around with that walrus, because there was no way I would ever take her back. If she was cheating on me while we were still engaged and madly in love, who knows what she'd do once we were actually married and I couldn't just walk away.

My momma didn't raise no stupid kids. This is over, I thought. As a matter of fact, thanks Brian, for letting me know what I was getting into. I'm still gonna kick your ass, the very next time I see you, but thanks just the same.

While I tossed and turned, that night, I was working on my plan to get back at that bitch. The first thing I concentrated on, was deciding what was the most important thing to her?

The answer was simple, the wedding; it was all she'd talked about for months. So whatever I did to her had to happen at her frigging wedding. I didn't like the idea because it meant I was going to have to put up with her fat ass for another two weeks, but sometimes, sacrifices have to be made. It seemed strange to me that, less than an hour ago, I worshipped that woman, but now, it was another story. It also made me wonder about myself, because I've read articles and stories where they talk about how feelings of love linger, and can't be quickly eradicated. So I must not be human, or what I had can't have been love because all I had in mind for Elaine, was humiliation and embarrassment.

Step one I had to find a way to avoid having sex with her, but it had to be her idea, so she wouldn't suspect anything. This would've been really easy if this were a fiction story, I'd go to a doctor and get him to say I had a urinary tract infection or some such shit. But in the real world Doctors are not that fucking nice.

Then I had the answer, there were two unimpeachable sources of information that Elaine would never doubt. One was Oprah; the other was that fucking Brides Forum website she was always going on every fucking day. She consulted that thing about our wedding and our plans more than she did me. I'd often told her, that maybe she should marry that website.

I logged on to it and was nauseated by the amount of pure boondoggle there was. It was a bunch of old wives tales all wrapped up and modernized for the internet generation. There were also articles by pseudo experts on every aspect married life.

I picked up my laptop and wrote an article on pre-marital sex. In the article I talked about how couples in the modern era weren't enjoying their honeymoons as much because there was no mystery about the wedding night. Most couples now wouldn't think about marrying someone without taking them for a test drive. So by the time they got to their honeymoon it was really anti-climactic. Most couples had more fun doing things like enjoying the new area and atmosphere than they did with their first bouts of married sex.

Perhaps that's why there were so many websites full of horror stories about one spouse or the other cheating during their honeymoons.

So in my article, I promoted the sexual vacation. I explained how to make things fresh and new again, the couple should not have sex, for two weeks to a month before getting married. Then when they got on their honeymoon, they'd be all fired up for each other again.

I called myself Dr. F.U. Cheetar. And I listed, P.P. On. U, as my professional degree. Then I uploaded the article to the website. Apparently the people who published the site were as stupid as Elaine because it was up in under an hour. I knew that as Elaine had her breakfast at the airport she'd read it, and probably by the time she got home, she would have some kind of scheme to keep me from having sex with her for two weeks until our honeymoon. Women were infinitely better at all of that sneaky shit anyway, so let her worry about it.

I had to admit I was going to miss that ass though, but in the worst case scenario, there was always her sister. She'd always had the hots for me, and except for being a couple of years younger, could almost be Elaine's twin.

The next thing I did after I woke up was to call my boss, and tell him that I had a problem and I needed help. He was a great guy, so he agreed to my plan. He would give me a letter on company letterhead that stated that we were going to miss a paycheck because the company was overextended and after paying a couple of fines couldn't make payroll. It was only a temporary thing though and we would be paid in full with the next check.

The next morning I woke up late. Staying up and planning had fucking worn me out. My phone started ringing, and that was what finally woke me up. I looked at the display, and right on time it was my cheating, butt dialing, ex fiancé.

"Hello," I said into the phone, in a voice that sounded like I was dying.

"Where are you, baby?" asked Elaine,"What's wrong?"

"Sorry, sweetheart, Tom called us in for an emergency meeting," I said. "The company got some heavy fines yesterday, and they're going to have to delay our paychecks. That means I'm not going to be able to pay for my share of our wedding stuff until after the wedding," my voice was a perfect example of disappointment.

"Well, Don't worry about it honey, I'll just get some money from my savings, and borrow the rest from my parents," she said,"Nothing is going to stop me from marrying you."

"I'll pay you back as soon as we're man and wife," I said, allowing what seemed like a little bit of joy to creep back into my voice.

"Elaine, I really think, they're doing this, just to get rid of some of us," I said."So I'm going to have to be on my P's and Q's until this is over."

"Well honey I have something I need to talk to you about too," she said, "And you're not going to like it, but it's really important for out honeymoon."

"We're cancelling the cruise?" I asked.

"Of course not," she said,"I read an article last night while I was waiting to fall asleep in my lonely hotel room without you."

I started to just tell the bitch, that she couldn't have read the article last night, because she was too busy getting fucked by marsupial man. And also because I didn't fucking write it, until early this morning. I wondered then how long she had been lying to me, was our whole relationship just one lie after another?

She told me that she'd take a cab home, which was great for me because, I didn't want that bitch in my Mustang again.

I spent the rest of the morning looking for a new apartment, because after the wedding I was going to need a new place to stay. I would spend the next couple of weeks slowly getting all of my stuff out of the apartment into the new place. Anything I couldn't take, I'd just have to leave.

I found a building that had great apartments, and scheduled an appointment for Monday afternoon.

When I got home, I prayed that Elaine had read my article. I went into the apartment and attacked her. I pulled her to me and started rubbing her small breasts through her top. She was ready to go. Her nipples seemed to go from not there to hard as diamonds instantly. I dropped my hands to her ass and started squeezing it as I pulled her pants covered pussy against me. She was beginning, to hump me back and then she pushed me away.

"We need to talk," she said looking at me.

"Sweetie, I know I promised that I'd take care of you as soon as I got home but something has come up," she said.

I just looked at her in pretend shock.

"Don't take it like that," she said.

"You lied," I said through clenched teeth. My voice was the very definition of righteous indignation, "Who is he?"

"Who is who?" she asked nervously.

"The guy you're sleeping with, since you don't want me," I said.

She started laughing at that point, "Honey, there is no guy," she said.

Then she handed me a print out of the article I wrote, and told me to read it. A few minutes later, I just looked at her and told her it was all horse shit. "You're just using this to cover up for your guy," I said, and I started walking towards the door.