It used to be that you had to have some gray hairs on you before you felt this “rock and a hard place” feeling. But just in case you didn’t know, this is how our typical middle schoolers are living each day. Our young 11-13 year olds are leaving the house feeling pretty “fresh” and then somewhere between math and recess and the bus loop they look like they are hanging on by a thread. This is in the best and worst of neighborhoods. It has less to do with family income, status or zip code than it ever did, even though that seems to matter more than ever. In reality it has to do with what we as moms and dads do to debrief, cleanse and reboot with our tribe everyday.

Photo by Joseph Gonzalez on Unsplash

Earlier in the year I started a Periscope® broadcast called “The Friday Night Family Scope”. My mission was to bring families closer together in a positive way. For many of us the weekends need to be a time of family dialysis. We need to get inside the blood of our kids and remove the toxins. If we don’t go into the shadows and knock on their doors, ask the right questions and find out what they are focused on, we can’t provide help.

But if your kids are anything like mine, you know that you can’t wait for Friday to make this happen.How can we motivate and energize our kids more frequently?How can we get inside their lives and stay in there, especially if they are moving into young adulthood?Can a few minutes a couple of nights a week make a difference?Yes! We are more than chauffeurs, ATMs and short order cooks. We do more than feed and clothe. We do even more than teach and keep them safe. In just a few minutes devoted parents can do pivotal things. We help our children thrive in a scary world. And we gotta jump in and do a little very day.

2 Quick & Easy Tips:

Listen More Than You Lecture. If you are guilty of this, raise your hand. Come on! Raise it up right at your desk or in your kitchen or at the gym. I know you are out there. Join us. My hand is raised too! One is markedly easy. The other is definitely hard. But if you can get a tween or teen to talk to you, even if what they are saying is making you want to scream at the top of your lungs, try to listen. Yes, sometimes the story seems like a web that is wrapped upon itself and you want to jump in and untangle it. I know…I’ve been there…in fact, I visited that familiar destination earlier today. In the midst though, it hit me that I needed to assign dignity to this young adult that is so much like…well, me! And a lecture wasn’t going to cut it. What about you? Can you use your ears first this week?

Let Acknowledgement Be Your First Words. I keep thinking that after I speak I love to know that someone was actually listening to me. The same is true for our kids; listening is only half the battle. The other half is letting them know that we heard them. Extract something to show that you acknowledge they have been willing to share. “I know what you mean”, doesn’t carry as much weight as “Man, that sounds awful! I’m sorry that you had to face that.” (Or whatever similar matches your tribe). It’s not easy for our kids to open up. If they do, don’t waste the opportunity. Acknowledge them, their feelings and what they have to say. It’s worth it.

Photo by Max Conrad on Unsplash

So many of our precious kids are at pressure’s edge. The waves keep coming and they are aren’t dressed for swimming. If we are going to make a difference we are going to have to dive in deep.

The goal of Family Dialysis is to chat about ways to get closer as a family and ensure that parents are the major influencers to a positive future. Let me know what you’d like to see. I’m excited to share with you!

Ready to get your positive energy in check? Looking to clean up your self-talk, create a personal affirmation plan or ease your way into releasing your negativity so your positivity can reign? Complete the questionnaire for a free coaching strategy session.

Raise your hand if you have children. If your kids are 20 and above, you are off the hook. Put your hand down, kneel and give thanks. If your kids are under the age of 16, keep them raised. If they like to read raise both hands. If you have managed to get the books they like to read from the library instead of the bookstore, keep one hand raised, and pat your back with the other hand. You are an awesome parent! Bravo! You can sit down.

Feeling pretty good aren’t you? You understand the value of borrowing instead of buying! You are green! You are saving the planet! Unfortunately you are also broke, one step away from losing your home because of the fines. One mom told me she recently paid $85 for one overdue book. Why didn’t she just buy the book? She did. She paid for a replacement, but then the book filed for lost wages in court and won. Seems that since no one could read it for 6 months, damages needed to be paid!

Your last fine cost WHAT?!

Imagine my dismay when my dear hubby sent a text to me stating that our latest bill was $41! I could have sworn I put all those books in a slot someplace. All the libraries in the county advertise: “Any branch will do. Drop your books at any library convenient for you.” Well I did that! How am I supposed to know where all the county lines are?

It once seemed like such a great idea to use the local public library, but now with all the fines, and the looming threat of bankruptcy and all, what’s a positive mom to do? Encourage video game playing and TV watching and Snapchatting®? Search for debt consolidation infomercials? Find the best credit counselor in the land? Pack the family up, and move back home with your parents? Nope on all counts.

All you have to do is join the club. We are a very supportive group and membership is free; we know you already spent your last dime on fines.

Take The Oath

I promise to borrow only enough books that can be read in the super short, ridiculously, annoying time that is allowed by the library.

I promise to put all the books in the same place each and every evening.

I promise to never have my children read their favorite book while in the tub.

I promise to never allow my children to drink a delicious, pumpkin spice latte with extra foam and cinnamon, caramel drizzle while reading a mystery…(oh no wait…that one is for me).

I promise to never avoid returning the 7 books we have because of the 1 book we cannot find.

I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when the librarian asks me the whereabouts of any said overdue book: “No ma’am. I’m sorry ma’am. I have no idea, ma’am.”

I promise to put each finished book in the trunk of the car so I can drop it in the drive thru slot.

I promise to place only books that are on time in the drive through slot.

I promise to remember that there is a drive thru slot. And lastly . . .

I promise before all internet onlookers, librarians and random book-shelvers alike, to bring my credit card, loan papers and the kids drained college fund to the library to pay for the outstanding fines.

Stop trying to remember! Write it down!

Jokes aside, having a family calendar helps when everyone needs to be on the same page. You can choose a physical paper or whiteboard option placed in a conspicuous place for all to see. Or you can create a shared cloud option and place all common due dates, appointments with progressive alerts.

Being a parent of voracious readers is a blessing. It helps our kids do better in school, have an increased thirst for knowledge and have incredible vocabularies. And even if those vocabularies are so often pulled out and used against us, it’s wonderful to know they will be smart enough to find a great job and take care of us when we lose the house in exchange for all the fines!

No…I don’t do stand up! I’m actually a life and confidence coach for women. I love helping them to release negativity so their positivity can reign. Ready to get your positive energy in check? Looking to clean up your self-talk, create a personal affirmation plan or ease your way into releasing your negativity? Complete the questionnaire for a free coaching strategy session.