6 Common Parenting Mistakes

Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in the world, and parents don’t get a play-by-play instruction manual when they give birth. So they tend to learn what works and what doesn’t through trial-by-error or from their own childhood experiences. There’s a reason why child-rearing is so difficult… it’s a lot of responsibility! Find out what you’re doing wrong to undermine your efforts to raise a healthy and well-adjusted adult. Plus: Are you a pushover?

The importance of this role cannot be underestimated, which is why bad parenting techniques can have a significant effect on children’s behavior. Sure, every parent makes mistakes, especially because there are no universal good parenting standards to abide by. But there are definite methods parents should be familiar with, and we’re here to give you the first chapter in that instruction manual. Here are some of the most common parenting style mistakes parents make when it comes to teaching their children good behavior:

1. Not Setting a Good Example

Children are like little sponges – they soak up everything around them so they can put their own behaviors into contexts. By the time your child is a teenager, they should have a foundation for good behavior, but are still easily influenced. This is why it is always important to be your child’s good behavior model. If you don’t practice what you preach, they won’t practice what is preached at them either. Instead, they’ll become cynical and confused.

2. Not Specifying the Bad Behavior

Putting one bad behavior under a blanket statement like “Stop misbehaving” doesn’t teach a child specifically what is unacceptable, especially if he or she is engaging in a few inappropriate behaviors. A better parenting technique is to address which behavior is unacceptable. For example, if the misbehaving involves being aggressive toward a playmate, the parent should say, “Being too pushy, bossy or aggressive toward him is not acceptable behavior.”

3. Not Putting an End to Bad Behavior

Recognizing a bad behavior is the first step to ending it. But if you don’t have a plan of attack to permanently fix it, your child is bound to continuously repeat it. Your plan of attack should involve identifying the behavior, stating how it can be corrected, identifying the substitute behavior, and setting repercussions if this bad behavior were to continue. Teaching the substitute behavior must not be overlooked, because a child needs a clear example of what good behavior should replace the bad behavior.

4. Overestimating or Underestimating Problem Behavior

Bad or inappropriate behaviors are often age-related, and some parents tend to punish their child for something that may be natural for their age, or they tend to let it go and use the age issue as an excuse. For example, teenagers often misbehave as a way to test their boundaries, break away and experience freedom. Parents usually respond to this in one of either two ways – they chalk it up to fact that they’re a teenager after all, and then don’t enforce guidelines or consequences, or they suppress this urge by being unnecessarily strict.

A second example would be a kindergartner playing “doctor” with a playmate. This kind of experimentation is normal for a child at this age and punishing or overreacting to this behavior might not be the best parenting technique. A good parenting technique would be to let the other parents know, explain to your child why it’s not appropriate and supervise any further playtime. Also keep in mind that chalking any bad behavior up to “it’s just a phase” for too long is giving room for the behavior to become a habit.

5. Not Being Consistent

An inconsistent parenting style is one of the worst things you can do to your children. You will quickly become a doormat for your children and the respect your child has for you will fly right out the door. If you tell your child what the consequences are for bad behavior, but don’t enforce those consequences when they break a rule, you’re giving up your parental power to your child. Why even bother trying to teach them anything? Your child will not know what is really expected of them, and therefore will not know how to act.

6. Having Unrealistic Expectations

Often time parents want so much for their child that they overlook the uniqueness or personality of their child, therefore not understanding their limits or boundaries. For example, forcing a shy child to become the center of attention in some way can be incredibly painful for that child. Demanding all A’s on a report card from a child who gives it their best but isn’t naturally inclined to certain subjects, is unfair and unproductive. Know your child’s limits and what they are capable of, and work from there.

Are You a Pushover?

Would Nancy Reagan be proud of your ability to “just say no” or would you actually follow your friends if they jumped off a bridge? Being a pushover may make you more likeable, but it doesn’t make you more respectable. Find out just how much you’re willing to bend when push comes to shove with this pushover quiz.