Here’s Why You Should Never Bet Your House On A Soccer Game, Stupid

Earlier this week we featured a video of a guy losing a game in FIFA 14 and flipping out, destroying his television while everyone around him laughed. It was funny, and a glimpse into that absurd culture of soccer rage monsters that left us asking, “why not stop filming this guy and never talk to him again?”

Now imagine that everything in that video is amplified by a thousand and happening in real life.

Meet Ugandan soccer fan Henry Dhabasani. He’s a polygamist Arsenal supporter who is willing to put it all on the line in a bet against Manchester United, whether that means he’ll be homeless or not. Plus, hey, if he wins, he gets an extra wife. This is a real story, you guys.

“Before the game, Henry Dhabasani staked his two-roomed house in a bet with Rashid Yiga, that Arsenal would win the game,” the report says. “On his part, Yiga staked his new Toyota Premio car and his wife that Manchester United would win.

“The two put their stake in writing, with local leaders and fans witnessing the deed. Dhabasani, married to three wives with five children, fainted at the end of the match on realizing Arsenal had lost the game 1–0. On Monday, several Manchester United fans stormed Dhabasani’s home and threw him and his family out.”

Pro-tip: never bet in Uganda.

I can’t pinpoint the best part of this story. At first you think it’s about how the soccer fan lost his house, and then it starts being about how he’s got multiple wives and now like 2.5-ish families are out in the cold. Then it’s about how he was totally gonna back out on the bet and Ugandan locals had to barge in and attack him. But then, nope, the best part is that he’s homeless because of a 1-0 loss. That’s the most perfectly soccer thing I can think of.

Look on the bright side, Henry … at least you weren’t drawn and quartered.