I was so hoping to click through to the wikipedia article and see that somebody had edited it with that box like [This article is about a person who has basically recently died]posted by cashman at 2:29 PM on February 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

You know cashman, you can make that happen. It's only a few clicks away.

{{recent death|Nelson, Michael|date=February 2009}}posted by Science! at 2:34 PM on February 2, 2009

"I, Michael J. Nelson will eat nothing but bacon."

No. He won't. Having tried something like this in the past myself, I can assure you he won't. There's a thin line between delicious chewy/crunchy bacon, and 10 pounds of salty gristle.posted by aapep at 2:35 PM on February 2, 2009

Wow, how badly does a person's career need to be going before they get desperate enough to try something this stupid.posted by If only I had a penguin... at 2:35 PM on February 2, 2009

Not just bacon! Also: "beer, wine, martinis and water"

You can live on beer and wine. The bacon has some bulk (and fat and nitrates etc.). He may not want to see another slice of bacon ever again after he does it, but he will be fine in the long run.posted by Xoebe at 2:37 PM on February 2, 2009

My former roommate went through a phase where he went through a package a bacon a day, and he loves Mike Nelson. I still think he'd find this idea beyond dumb and inadvisable.posted by piratebowling at 2:38 PM on February 2, 2009

Yeah, I suppose he's allowed himself the Guinness dinner every once in a while. It's a meal in a glass, right?posted by naju at 2:38 PM on February 2, 2009

A bacon diet is a 2009 way of saying you're doing an Atkins thing. On another note, awesome... it's cool to see minor celebrities on the Internet doing odd and geeky stuff.posted by crapmatic at 2:40 PM on February 2, 2009

Yep. Just like the previous 'Mentos + Diet Coke' Explosion that of Bacon as an Internet meme is getting tired real fast.posted by ericb at 2:41 PM on February 2, 2009

P.S. I wonder what happens when you have 0 g of carbs for a month. It can't be good. I'll be curious to see how this plays out.posted by crapmatic at 2:41 PM on February 2, 2009

"Why? ... because several doubters on the RiffTrax staff had the unmitigated gall to insult bacon by making the outrageous claim that, as good as it is, no one could eat very much of it and live. I can and will. Therefore I will spend the month proving it."

gonna be constipated, and perpetually thirsty, I guess enough beer will take care of the constipation, but that means you gotta drink a lot of water to avoid the dehydration.... Man, this sounds seven kinds of stupid.posted by edgeways at 2:42 PM on February 2, 2009

I feel sorry for Mrs Nelson (or whoever it is that has to share a bathroom with him). I shudder to imagine the kind of hellacious craps he'll be taking by the end of the month.posted by ShameSpiral at 2:42 PM on February 2, 2009

I know this fucker is at least eating the bacon but there seems to be a total and utter lack of respect for the animal here too. It's such big fucking laughs to munch your way through an animal just for shits and giggles for your wankblog.

As an aside, I pity any poor bastard who ever has to sit in the stall next to him in the second week of this 'hilarious experiment'.posted by ClanvidHorse at 2:44 PM on February 2, 2009 [2 favorites]

Too bad America isn't a monarchy, we could overthrow the king and install this guy.

I would satisfied just putting him in charge of Gitmo. Out: waterboarding. In: fun food experiments.posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 2:45 PM on February 2, 2009

I expect deficiencies in vitamins E, K, and Folate. Those being the only essential nutrients absent from bacon, beer, and wine. Add to that liver cirrhosis if he wants to get enough Thiamine (would require many bottles of wine/beer).posted by The White Hat at 2:47 PM on February 2, 2009

His shits are going to be legendary.posted by shmegegge at 2:47 PM on February 2, 2009

Oh Christ; I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Bizarrely I have this mental image of an entire church congregation standing and singing that out of their hymnals...posted by George_Spiggott at 2:50 PM on February 2, 2009 [7 favorites]

His shits are going to be 15 minutes of fame pain.posted by anthill at 2:58 PM on February 2, 2009

I blame the success of Burning Man for the fairly recent internet obsession with Bacon. On the playa, you end up sweating out all your salt so that when someone offers you a scraggly strip of (salty) bacon it suddenly becomes the most delicious thing in the world. I was so starved for sodium that I practically worshiped every piece I could get my hands on, and that affection for salted pork fried in its own grease followed me back to default camp.posted by mullingitover at 3:01 PM on February 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

in the comments: Alas, I am very confident, and slightly humbled as a similar wager was made and successfully completed for a full year back in 1930. Explorer Vilhjalmur Stefansson ate nothing but fatty meat for a whole year without the slightest ill effect. And then there are, you know, the Inuit, some of whom still eat nothing but seal fat all winter long. And as long as they don’t get eaten by polar bears, they’re fine.

Why do so many people with the name Michael have middle names that start with J? Unimaginative parents?

Someone could probably do an interesting post on why pork causes religions to take a stand(trichanosis) and the differences between streaky bacon(American) and bacon(British). Not me though, I don't want to be seen as that uncool guy who talk about bacon in 2009 when its so 2006...posted by christhelongtimelurker at 3:01 PM on February 2, 2009

Dude is going to poop pure lard. Yuck.

My little brother always claimed that McDonald's soft-serve ice-cream contained no dairy products, but was made out of pig fat. If this guy drinks a bottle of vanilla extract every day, he could be pooping ice-cream, Mickey D's style! One guy, one cup!posted by ShameSpiral at 3:01 PM on February 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm sure he'll find the attention far more nourishing than the bacon. Ick on both counts.posted by hermitosis at 3:01 PM on February 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

I bought some bacon salt a couple of weeks ago. In honor of his efforts, I was thinking that I might try to do a month of eating nothing but food with it as a condiment.

Then I realized that would be pretty gross, so I'm going to set my sights a little lower:

I'm going to eat some popcorn in the next month with bacon salt on it.

See? I told you I was hardcore.posted by quin at 3:03 PM on February 2, 2009

Found this about a month ago ....posted by ktrain at 3:07 PM on February 2, 2009

Actually, I still find the All Your Base thing amusing. Bacon though; yeah, whatever. Fat Americans LOL, lather rinse repeat. As a meme, like AYB and all the rest, it's been tired as fuck fark for a long while already.

I don't think this is front page worthy. The RiffTrax guys play around quite a lot on their blog, and I don't think Mike ever seriously contemplated a month of bacon as his only meal. They've made fun of things like that in the past; I think their over-expressed love of bacon is just, you know, a joke.

But then it makes the front page at Metafilter, and now we have 55 comments expecting him to be serious about it, and ready to proclaim FAIL if he doesn't make it.posted by JHarris at 3:42 PM on February 2, 2009

February 1, 2009: "I’ll get right to the good stuff: for the entire month of February, I, Michael J. Nelson will eat nothing but bacon. Nothing, my friends, but bacon."

February 15, 2009: "I’ll get right to the good stuff: for the entire month of February, I, Michael J. Nelson will have nothing but severe diarrhea. Nothing, my friends, but diarrhea."

February 28, 2009: "I’ll get right to the good stuff: for the entire month of March, I, Michael J. Nelson will have nothing but an angioplasty. Nothing, my friends, but an angioplasty."posted by mattdidthat at 4:02 PM on February 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

I know we're all tired of bacon and lolcats and diet coke and mentos now, but doesn't anyone else find the parade of memes fascinating? Did the entire world get this fascinated, creative, and then bored with stuff like this before the internet?

I remember fads like slap bracelets, but how did those spread? In fact, all the fads I remember were based on some mass-marketed commercial product. These new fads seem to be crowdsourced and unpredictable. It's ultimately annoying, but also a little fascinating and exciting.posted by heathkit at 4:04 PM on February 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

Good Lord. Thomas Nelson LL.B.'s writing sounds like Dr. Bronner doing a colonoscopy.posted by mattdidthat at 4:22 PM on February 2, 2009

This bacon thing is getting tired fast.

Not only the bacon meme, but the "eat X for a month" meme. I mean the Spark's Fat Project is almost 10 years old now, and got it done funniest and shockingest the first time around. We watched a male and a female as they shoveled disgusting amounts of disgusting food into their faces. And they stripped down to their underwear and photographed themselves everyday, so we could watch their rapid, grotesque transformation in real time.

Morgan Spurlock ripped them off, and made more money with Super Size Me 4 years later.

There are other variations of this too. Like the steroid kid video linked here a couple months ago.

I will post as often as is practical and include pictures of my bacons ... You will just have to take my word that I will not cheat

Nelson, on the other hand, is just clowning the meme. He doesn't promise pictures of his "journey" or anything, and someone that was enough of a self-destructive attention whore to do this would definitely want to document it. Otherwise, of course, you would just lie. Which, of course, is what Nelson will do. So let us hope these lies are creative and funny lies. Like the lie of wise-cracking, artificially intelligent robots.

(Also 30s-40s is past the age window when you can do stuff like this without real lasting health ramifications. Spurlock was past the reasonable age window in Super Size Me, but Nelson's got 10 years on that).posted by fucker at 4:37 PM on February 2, 2009

I'm betting he has a heart attack by Valentine's Day.

Nah, he won't have a heart attack. But I bet he will have really oily, pimply skin and be really thirsty by then.posted by scarello at 4:39 PM on February 2, 2009

The biggest effects he will most likely feel are sluggish/tiredeness. These low levels of energy also means lowered brain activity i.e. stupidity. I don't follw his blog so I don't know if thay is anything new for him. Other side effects include constipation and gas. He'll also probably be sweating/excreting a nice waxy sheen.
This will be loads of fun!!!posted by P.o.B. at 4:49 PM on February 2, 2009

There's something fascinating about the way memetic overkill can ruin your taste for a food. I mean, no one loved zombie movies more than me, say, ten years ago, and I don't care if I never see another fucking zombie movie again now, but I get that: It's the same thing that happened in high school where this one guy I knew, okay, if you were into a band you could never, ever, ever, ever tell him about that band if you wanted to keep liking them. Because he would immediately buy their album(s), buy a t-shirt, possibly start dressing up like the lead singer, sing the songs (loudly) in the halls and pepper his conversation with uncited quotes from their lyrics. And soon you hated that band SO MUCH. That Guy Writ Large appeared to discover zombies around 2002; and now, like I said, fuck zombies, for real. But that is not the same as liking or disliking bacon, which tastes the same to your tongue now as it did before That Guy Writ Large decided he just could not fucking stop talking about fucking bacon, or should taste the same, as we're speaking here not of figurative taste (i.e., one's "taste" in music) but of literal taste, as physically gauged by a part of your body, man.

Not only the bacon meme, but the "eat X for a month" meme. I mean the Spark's Fat Project is almost 10 years old now, and got it done funniest and shockingest the first time around. We watched a male and a female as they shoveled disgusting amounts of disgusting food into their faces. And they stripped down to their underwear and photographed themselves everyday, so we could watch their rapid, grotesque transformation in real time.

Thanks for the memories!posted by Gnatcho at 5:51 PM on February 2, 2009

"boring, Sidney, boooooring."
/fake john lydonposted by batmonkey at 5:52 PM on February 2, 2009

I don't know. What if he kind of diets for a month. We are assuming he is going to pig out (npi) on bacon for a month. He could do a strict diet thing, a strip and a beer once a day. Probably drop a few pounds and still fulfill his, only bacon for a month, deal without doing too much bodily harm to himself.posted by notreally at 5:56 PM on February 2, 2009

I am convinced grammar deteriorates proportionately to age.posted by notreally at 5:58 PM on February 2, 2009

I know we're all tired of bacon and lolcats and diet coke and mentos now, but doesn't anyone else find the parade of memes fascinating?

As an amateur sociologist, I find their spread fascinating. As an amateur humorist, I find their content hacky and annoying. As a professional Business Systems Analyst, I have no opinion.posted by Lentrohamsanin at 7:42 PM on February 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

Also, is there some shimmering foreshadowing happening here, or am I alone in thinking this could end up a lot like the woman who blogged about her shotgun?posted by rokusan at 8:15 PM on February 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

Joel. That is all.

I really used to be a Mike guy, but the more I see Nelson outside of the Satellite of Love, the less I like him.posted by Chrysostom at 8:34 PM on February 2, 2009

P.S. I wonder what happens when you have 0 g of carbs for a month.

You die horribly and painfully. Like self-immolation, only worse, because you can eat bread even while setting yourself on fire. Hopefully he survives long enough to see that mefi really, really, really thinks this bacon thing is getting old. That'll show him. ;-)posted by IvoShandor at 12:29 AM on February 3, 2009

I never "got" the bacon thing. It's rampant on another site I frequent, reddit, and it seems to have hit MeFi too. Meh.posted by wastelands at 4:12 AM on February 3, 2009

Or, you know, he could just consult a nutritionist as to whether or not it's feasible and report back to us with the results. I mean, Mythbusters is cool and stuff but stunt science has a time and a place. Enjoy the ad revenue while it lasts, though.posted by Eideteker at 4:44 AM on February 3, 2009

doesn't anyone else find the parade of memes fascinating

Actually I think the Empire of the Meme long since entered its decadent phase and the end, though still a way off, is now visibly drawing nearer. When memes started recruiting cute kitties that was like when the Romans started relying on Gothic allies, if you ask me. We shall live to see the arrival of the long dark age of Meh.posted by Phanx at 4:45 AM on February 3, 2009

I'm still rather astounded at the degree of hate here. Between turgid dahlia actually, unironically wishing him dead and others effectively saying how much they hate his guts, it's enough to make me wonder if there's something going around I don't know about.

It could have to do with the fact that I seem to have been spared the brunt of the "bacon" meme. (As in, there's a meme?) The only place I've seen it mentioned has been the Rifftrax blog, where I've found it headscratching but inoffensive. Maybe I should get out more.posted by JHarris at 9:35 AM on February 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

I am floored by that interview. I had no idea he was that deep in the party line.posted by shmegegge at 10:29 AM on February 3, 2009

So on the radio this morning they were doing one of those 'on this day in history' things, and were talking about this girl who ate nothing but carrots on a dare, and ended up orange.

Will this guy end up kind of brown and crispy and dripping with fat?posted by sandraregina at 10:38 AM on February 3, 2009

Now if that octuplet mother would feed her brood nothing but bacon for a month, she'd REALLY get attention!posted by mazola at 11:08 AM on February 3, 2009

just how conservative he is.

Wow, never knew that... I've never liked MST3K - and wondered if that was some strange aberration on my part - but now I've got a legitimate reason to dislike him.posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:25 PM on February 3, 2009

Hmm. I knew Mike was "to the right," but it never comes out in his comedy. And I'm pretty sure that Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett are more left-wing.

But yes, it is food for thought.posted by JHarris at 2:38 PM on February 3, 2009

Wow, never knew that... I've never liked MST3K - and wondered if that was some strange aberration on my part - but now I've got a legitimate reason to dislike him.

Yeah, it's a strange aberration on your part.posted by Snyder at 10:40 PM on February 3, 2009

The difference between people who get all pissy that Mike Nelson is a conservative and Mike Nelson is that he can associate and like people who disagree with him politically, and can make or tolerate jokes about people he probably has more in common with, politically, then he does with some of his friends.

I don't think thats a distinction you would be proud of, but some people like wishing death on someone because they make a tounge-in-cheek post about eating bacon for a month.posted by Snyder at 12:47 AM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

Between turgid dahlia actually, unironically wishing him dead...

Point one, bacon for every meal for 30 days is, conservatively, 90 serves of bacon. All this bacon isn't going to all be coming from the same animal, but I'll be generous and say that he's working his way through 30 pigs, or a pig a day. Pigs are sentient creatures and remarkably intelligent, even by human standards - which are useless when applied to non-humans but nevertheless act as a decent guide - and possess memories, are capable of emotion, and are subjects of a life. They possess complex central nervous systems and a human's capacity for suffering (again, I mention humans because that's what we all, presumably, are, and thus we have an understanding of what it means to suffer).

Secondly, it should be plain to even the most dimwitted individual that eating only one type of food for long periods of time isn't going to turn out well. Scientific studies have been done on this. Even pop-cultural studies.

Thirdly, the bacon meme is dead but this asshole still thinks he's being clever and witty by ridding its coat-tails. Combine this with point two and you have an unoriginal, uninspired, tiresome and frankly downright tacky and valueless cultural experiment.

I’ll get right to the good stuff: for the entire month of March, 2009, I, fearfulsymmetry will watch nothing but Kevin Bacon films. Nothing, my friends, but Kevin Bacon.posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:38 PM on February 7, 2009

turgid dahlia, fair enough. The other angles you present I'm frankly feh about (for if we all hated someone for following a trend then for consistency's sake we'd have to hate most people), but the pig-kindness one I take as valid.

Late in day 6 of Bacon Stupidity I stopped to stock up, approached the check out and dropped eight pounds of various brands of bacon on the conveyor. The clerk, an attractive middle aged woman, smiled wryly and asked, “Cooking breakfast for everyone, no?” with an accent I guessed to be Eastern European. For reasons that should be obvious I didn’t feel like explaining that I was on a quest to eat nothing but bacon for the month of February and instead said, quite truthfully, “It’s kind of a taste test.”

And later in the same post:

These two, they endured unknown hardships, perhaps war and tragedy, yet through grit and determination made their way to this country where they were lucky to find themselves employment, working nights at a grocery store, probably sending money back to their families in their home countries, those who are still alive. They hope someday to bring other family members over — their hearts ache every minute they are separated — but it is so difficult, so expensive. Just living day to day, in Southern California, what with the high rents, the taxes, rising food costs, it is a struggle. But they are blessed and grateful for it.

Me, I am eating bacon for the month of February and writing about it for my blog.

I admit I find it difficult to hate Mike when he makes comments like that. He is the only right-winger I could name who would. Maybe there's hope for them after all.

* Times I've used this lead-in: eleventy billion.posted by JHarris at 6:20 PM on February 12, 2009

Tags

Share

About MetaFilter

MetaFilter is a weblog that anyone can contribute a link or a comment to. A typical weblog is one person posting their thoughts on the unique things they find on the web. This website exists to break down the barriers between people, to extend a weblog beyond just one person, and to foster discussion among its members.