Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Insecure Writer's Support Group Post & Tips

- You don’t have to visit everyone (that’s my job) just connect with a dozen or so participants.
- Feel free to copy the button, link, and/or linky code. If you want to post the list of participants just on the first Wednesday, that’s cool.
- What do you write about? Post about your concerns, fears, and struggles and/or recent breakthroughs or words of encouragement for others

My biggest fear is friends - losing them. I worry I might say or do something dumb. I worry my snark might be taken the wrong way or my inexperience will cause hard feelings. After losing a friend earlier this year (even though it was over something of which I had no control) I don’t want to see any other friendships dissolve. You all matter to me and I don’t want to offend anyone.

Fortunately, friends are my greatest supporters. If you’re a writer looking for friends and encouragement, you’ve come to the right place. On days you’re feeling down, someone will say a word that renews your energy. My blogger buddies have kept me going long after I wanted to quit. They mean the world to me. And if you’re connecting with other bloggers, you’ll discover they are an awesome bunch of people!

And this is a little surprise, because I didn’t tell these guys. But my publisher is currently preparing review copies of CassaFire, and this will be the dedication:

For my three awesome friends

who guided me on this journey -

Rusty Webb

Jeffrey Beesler

Anne Gallagher

I couldn’t have done it without you!

Now, what’s your word of encouragement or writer insecurity today?

(And Jessica Bell is sorry, but she does not have a post for this week and asked if you’d just skip her name on the list for now.)

151 comments:

Now that you have mentioned that one could lose a friend through miswording and misunderstanding, I feel scared that that could easily happen. Firstly, English is not my language and as much as I am very comfortable with my American friends, there could easily be a phrase or an exclamation that I could easily misapply. And also, once we write a comment, and publish, we cannot take it back. Even as we realise that what we say may not be accurate. I pray it does not happen, lose a friend in this blog world. I can't imagine what could have been said between you and your friend that could not be rectified. I do not want to have to be careful, because that will steal my comfort of being here among friends.

Better skip me too, Alex, as I got off my usual schedule due to the Blog BBQ. Will join you next week. And commenting on your post, I think the fear of offending others and losing friends is a common one. I can be pretty blunt in life and don't edit myself like I do in my writing, so yes I've offended many people in my history. Never any real friends tho, as these are the people who take me as I am and just laugh when I say something outrageous instead of getting all huffy.

Hi Alex .. I'm not participating .. just here to read and learn and enjoy .. it's just being us and we're who we are .. I think I'm like a KarenG .. usually I think before I write on the net - not sure I do that quite as well in real life .. but am teaching myself (sadly very slowly!).

Congratulations on the Dedication page for CassaFire .. that's just so lovely and I'm sure Rusty, Jeffrey and Anne will be chuffed to bits.

I love your snark. That's what brings me back each and every post!Really classy dedication.I'm too bitchy IRL and online to ever expect to keep friends. I've got a few great ones that stick with me.One of them is you!Thanks so much.Heather

I can't imagine you saying something wrong, Alex. I have felt the same way especially when I see one number gone from my followers I obsess over what I did wrong. I'm sorry to hear you lost a friend this year.

OMG I cannot even fathom a world that exists where you are capable of intentionally offending someone. I'm so sorry I know all too well how that is. I tend to think things in my head but unfortunately my mouth says whatever it wants instead of what my head meant to say. In real life I don't do social very well but online at least there is an edit button. Too bad life doesn't come with one.

I have my post ready to go for tomorrow. I'm thrilled that CassaFire is coming along so far- Great job Alex!

As far as losing friends, well I can't imagine you truly offending anyone, but keep thinking about one thing- people do grow and when that happens their friendships either grow with them or have to be separated.

HI Alex,I used to worry about losing friends, too, but I realize that the internet draws all kinds of folks and if I'm going to lose someone over something not in my control, then perhaps that relationship wasn't meant to be anyway. You are doing a wonderful thing here. Thank you.Karen

When I was just beginning to write fiction, I lost a writing friend because of the way I phrased something. I was trying to be funny; she took it as a personal accusation. And she was an experienced writer. It happens, and it hurts.

I'm not participating, BUT, I am here to give support. I am a firm believer in kindness and friendship...but, I also am a firm believer that if you lost a 'friend' over something you had no control over: they weren't a real friend, nor are they worthy of being your friend. I am willing to bet that this 'friend' you 'lost' did you a big favor by removing themselves from your life. Because, honestly, you don't want someone like that in your life anyway. I am a big believer in surrounding yourself with good, mature, kind people.

Some days it is tough to negotiate the etiquette of online friendships. Sometimes things gets lost in translation when there isn't that face-to-face interaction, but most people get it. Bottom line -- we're here to support and encourage each other.

One tiny request Alex? Can you post a list of a couple of dates ahead for the Insecure Writer's Support Group posts? For us crazy blogging planners who have a month of posts scheduled in advance :-) Are they going to be on a regular schedule?

I can completely relate to this post. I recently experienced a few followers no longer following me and I couldn't understand why. I thought that maybe I did something wrong but I guess that is just how things go. Also I agree that blogger friends are irreplaceable. I too have been wanting to give up on my writing but their kind words pulled me through in the end.

Though I know how bad it feels to lose a friend, where you're concerned, when one leaves a void, 10 more will fill it in. You're just that kind of guy.

I always know I can count on you to leave a kind word of encouragement and that bouys me up to face another day of adversity. I suppose, no matter how successful we become, we will always have feelings of insecurity. It's human nature. But some are much more human than others & you are their leader & commander!

Excellent and insightful post. Thank you for posting early because you answered some questions i had and it was good to see an example of how this will work.

I have the same fears about friends. I'm always afraid I'll give offense and lose friends because of something I said or in some cases did. I can be snarky and cynical and I love to speak my mind. I'm afraid people might take it in the wrong way.

I'm also still learning the blogging side of things and am trying to organize my time better to visit more people and post more regularly. However, I've had people leave my site and I'm afraid it is because I have not mastered the art of blogging and commenting.

You can't spell the word "friend" without the word "end". And that's where our friendship will go...to the end of time. So you may lose a friendship here and there over time. That's what happens. It's inevitable. The friends who stick by you? They're the ones who matter.

That brings me to my biggest fear. Do I matter? I know I do, but that doesn't stop the fear from coming into play every now and then. It certainly helps when people give me shout-outs on their blogs, on Twitter #FollowFridays, and most certainly, whenever my name appears in the dedication section of books. Thank you for everything you've done for me, Alex. Like I've said, you have this friend for life.

I won't be posting this time around, but will definitely do it next month--I'm just that insecure!

My biggest fear with these blog-type-fests (which I NEVER sign up for!) is not being able to follow through. I don't do group activities very well. That said, I have very slowly accumulated enough blogger friends to feel confident that they will support me if I put together a post for Insecure Writer's like me--after all, they are my species! :)

Words to the insecure writer? Buck up, camper. Ummm... you can do it? Actually, that works. Just sit and write what you love.

As to the loosing friends worry, I get that. I'm a terrible friend because ultimately I'm anti social and assume people don't need the reminders that you care because I don't need these things. It's almost like I have to pretend to be a normal person in order to be a good friend. :( But it's worth it.

Fantastic post. I meet so few people these days that truly appreciate their friends. It's something special to have good friends. There's a lot of wonderfully supportive and inspiring people here. You're one of them. We're all lucky to have you around.

With some people, it's just in their nature to be offended. I think that they're frustrated reincarnations of witch-hunters. If your support group turns into censors, you may be in a place worse than friendless. And you won't wind up friendless; you give too much to the Blogging community to be considered an offensive brute by anyone but the most delicate of readers.

I used to be afraid of losing friends too, and then slowly came to understand that the ones that mattered would never be the ones I'd lose. Good friends are fabulous supporters and making new friends is brilliant!

I'm really good at forgiving and forgetting. Thank you, bad memory! And don't worry, you've got a friend in me. If friends drop me because of one small incident without allowing for explanation, they're really not that good of friends anyway.

I worry about potentially offending people; a bit less than I used to, but it's still a concern for me.

I love the dedication!

And I just signed up for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. I wasn't sure I was going to, with Terry Pratchett Month I'm hosting, the Campaign, and your Blogfest, but heck--I can post twice in one day if I have to. :P

I agree on your first point of losing friends. Yeah, I'm insecure in that area. I can totally relate, and its nothing to be ashamed about. I do have a fear of rejection too. Us writers, we can be an insecure group of people.

I think I've lost a critique partner not to anything I said while online but because of some serious truths I included in my historical YA. (The main protagonist is a slave on the eve and early days of the Civil War.) But, Alex, I can't imagine your offending anyone, you're just too supportive.

I used to worry about losing friends and potential friends (shyness and sarcasm often don't go over well), but I try to think like Dr. Seuss. "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Of course, it's often easier said than done!

I'm so excited about the Insecure Writer's Support Group! It's a great idea and opportunity for all of us to meet, bond, blather on, etc. etc. Thank you!

I loved your post. Like some of the other commenters, I can't imagine you offending anyone because you are super supportive. But I too worry about offending people/losing friends. I lost a friend/critique partner and that experience has made me a little "once bitten, twice shy."

I have no idea what I'm going to write about tomorrow. I guess it'll just end up being whatever I'm feeling most neurotic about at the time.

I'm confused. Nothing new. Am I supposed to blog at my blog? Or join in on the comments on yours? I thought this was taking place on your blog, and I don't have a post either! Yikes, I think I've found another way to unintentionally screw up! I'll try to get something thrown together... but it's probably going to be pretty pathetic. So I guess that's my insecurity for today! Actually, I think that's my insecurity every time I blog... that my posts are LAME.

I knew that tomorrow was going to be slammed for me, so I'm not on the list for this month...will try to add on for October, though! And I'll look forward to the posts. :) Thanks for putting this together, Alex!

It is not difficult to offend people especially when you communicate in a foreign language. I know what I'm talking about. Every day I have to communicate with my colleagues around Europe. As we all do not speak French, Spanish, Swedish, Italian, and,and, we decided to use English. We use Skype and other tools. And we often use emoticons. Because often a picture tell you more than thousand words.

Every time when I write a comment, a post or a mail I think about which words to use. So I use a dictionary which sometimes drive me mad. I enter one word in German and get twenty different words in English. But there i one thing which really helps a lot: Reading, reading, reading, reading, ...

Doralynn, your posts are NOT lame! And yes, you post on your own blog tomorrow. I know you'll come up with something great.

Elizabeth, people would really benefit from your experience! I hope you can participate next month.

Laura, I'll keep up the snark then!

Edi, I have another great friend in Belgium and I would never know English is not his native tongue, because like you, he's worked at it. I think you always use just the right words. And I'm sure review copy will be coming your way soon - I'll let my publisher know you are eager to read it. And then I'll pray you enjoy it as much as the first one.

I hate the idea of losing friends, especially over stupid things. Sometimes friendships have to end, I recognize that, but I'd much rather resolve the problem and respectfully part ways first. Leaving things unresolved kills me. Of course, it's not like we always have a choice. But I love this post, because blogging friends are so fantastic. I don't know what I'd do without them!

Alex - Thank you for this post, and for your ongoing encouraging comments! You rock! Losing friends is hard, painful stuff. I had something similar happen to me about this time last year. It was really rough, and still is some days.I'll post tomorrow - although you might guess what my biggest fear is already.BTW - boat driving is fairly easy as long as no one else is on the water and the skier doesn't jump the wake during a turn.

Alex, great news about CassaFire. I am really stoked to read it as soon as it is available. Not being a professional writer I would never be qualified to review your book on that level but if you need a review from a fellow metalhead and sci-fi geek-about-town layman...I would be honored. By visiting many of the sites I have run across, thanks to your blog, I have learned some valuable writing tips. Now remembering them and using them may be a different story...

Whoa. I am so unworthy of being in the dedication of your newest. I'm... without words. Thanks.

I've worried about losing friends too. I tend to lose them in real life due to neglect. I can be such a loser. But so much can be lost in the written word. I can't always make my sarcasm/good natured jibes come across that way. It's the risk we all run when we choose to be snarky or pithy.

But I can be insecure in all sorts of ways. I should be able to post about this for years. Great idea for this, really.

aw crap! I totally forgot this was this week as well. Sigh.Anyway, losing friends definitely sucks. Luckily i haven't really lost any in a while, and most the ones i have were just because we drifted apart, in most cases literally as people moved away.Sigh

Alex, you are such a genuine person. It's so cool that you dedicated your book to great friends. I'm sure they're also thankful you're in their lives. Writers and bloggers are an amazing bunch of people, and I'm so thankful to be a part of this amazing community!

You are one of the most genuine people I've met during my blogging beginnings. I think your sincerity comes through no matter how much snark is there, and that is something that you cannot fake. I get that sense of comradery and true connection with everything you do! Glad to call you a friend.

I doubt very much you could ever offend anyone deliberately Alex. But sometimes people take things the wrong way - and carry a grudge instead accepting the fallibility of others. As one who once offended you with a careless comment, I understand how you feel about this sentiment. Sometimes, it just happens though.

True friends forgive and accept apologies, then move on. Thanks for being a caring, understanding person.

I finally signed up on the link. I've been busy in my private life and some revisions on a short story publication, and just didn't really check this out earlier. This is a great concept; kudos to you for taking on such a huge project.

Alex, I have a tab designated for this group. Is there any way I can change the link to http://www.ciaraknight.com/iws-group/ If not, no big deal. Thought I'd save people a click from the daily blog to that specific tab.Thanks,Ciara

Great beginning and I love your honesty! You are authentic and I so appreciate this! I have lately seen the ugly side of art publication; it ain't pretty~ This has me wondering about other doors, I want to walk through, regarding publication.

I can't imagine you losing a friend. I do remember you posting about it. I think in this arena, we can miscalculate and be misunderstood. People connect with us and some want more than we can give. It is blogging; we can't see body language, hear a tone in one's voice, or post. WE just have to hope for the best and try not to offend. It does happen; I fear it, too~

I can really relate to your fear of saying or doing something dumb, I have always struggled with this. So much so that I wind up not saying anything, and ending up too reserved! Thanks for sharing your insecurity, and thanks again for starting this great group. I got off track this week with posting, but I'm looking forward to supporting everyone else and participating next time. Great post!

I try to be tactful so as not to lose friends, but it's sad to see when followers drop off. When my malware problem arose last week I realized that blogs are subject to attack by outside forces--something that really sucks--and now I'm insecure that some nefarious force could strike our blogs and destroy all the work we've put into them. In a matter of a few days I lost 16 followers and I feared that my credibility as a trustworthy blogger would be in jeopardy. I've since regained the followers, but I'm now much less secure about my presence on the internet. Great turnout for this topic, Alex.

I've had a couple of occasions where I nearly lost online friends because of my tendency to wisecrack. My intent will be clear in my own head, but someone else reads my words differently. We've gotta choose our words carefully.

Alex,Great blog. I know that I also have had insecurities in life when it comes to friends. The one thing I have learned though, is that, true friends are there for you always! Even when your being overly snarky ;).Thanks again for organizing this. I'm trying to get my blog done sometime today.Jess

What a great blog hop! I wish I could've known about it beforehand, but I didn't rejoin the land of the living soon enough.

I hear you about this. I also know that my loyal readers go in waves. I've been blogging consistently and long enough to have witnessed this.

Sometimes it worries me, and sometimes it doesn't. I figure people might be getting bored with me, or I didn't visit their blog enough, or something. No matter what, I can only be myself and do what I can do.

I haven't been around so this is my first time seeing this blog hop. I've enjoyed the posts! Losing friends is tough. Tough too when staying true to your convictions but the other person just isn't on the same page. Now off to read others!

I write satire and comedy. If I don't offed someone I haven't written well. Even so I'm trying to learn other things to hone my skills and not be so manic so I'll behave as I need friends and feedback.

First, let me apologize for not having my post up yet. I plan to do it right NOW....

I feel exactly how you do about friends and the blogging community. This group is by far the most compassionate and supportive group of people I have ever encountered in my life and would never want to hurt any of them either.

Off to write my post. I hope you understand that I just arrived back in town from vacation and I had no internet access the past few days....

I'm sorry about the misunderstanding between you and this friend you mentioned. It's a shame when things come between people. I've had similar situations, and it's never easy. One friend and I have been trying to fix our friendship ever since, and it's like building the pyramids by yourself with no tools. So I feel your pain.

What helps to remember is how many amazing and great friends are still out there. No, one friend can never replace another, but each person brings a unique and special gift to the friendship and your life. Be grateful for the friends you have every day, because they're certainly grateful for you.

And thanks for putting this together, Alex. It's been of great help to me already.

I have lost a few blogger friends but not do to something I did. They just decided to up and leave and stop blogging. Some without any notice. I try emailing but get no response. I miss those that I have connected with and enjoy the ones that are still around.

I really don't think you should have any insecurities over your writing at all. Sure, some people will take things the 'wrong' way, but if you have a network of pre-final draft readers for your ms's (which I highly recommend for all authors) they can point out any possible faux pas and you can deal with them if you concur there is risk worthy of change.

I wish I could participate in here Alex, but I am sooooooooo pre-occupied these days...especially in office...so hard, because of so many assignments in preparation for our week-long founding anniversary of our town.

Now my fears would simply be, blogger friends would soon forget me...Thank goodness, you always find time to read me so my insecurities of losing blog friends have diminished a little...

I worry about my blog friends--not so much in saying something that offends but not being able to be as much of a support as I'd like to be.

Right now, with some serious health issues to deal with I can't always show support by stopping by everyone's blog. While my energy levels are improving they just aren't up there enough. So my visits to my normal list are hit and miss. Some times a day or two late. I do try to get to everyone at least once or twice a week.

You have a great idea here, Alex. BTW, if you need a review? Count me in.

I wasn't able to post on Insecure Writer's Support Group due to one of my worst fears...high winds that downed trees and power lines! My electricity didn't come back on until Wednesday evening at 5:00 pm. I am posting a late post on the group and showing the list. I will try next month!

Kinda not sure, never did anything like this. so I am lost. I supposed to post a fear or a story. I'm new and wasn't sure what to do.Before I used it for storage and to avoid printing costs, but it started getting hits and comments. I'll post an insecurity for now.

Regarding the loss of a friends... I feel that if you have a true relationship, simply being snarky or sarcastic is insufficient to ruin a relationship. There are only so many things that you have control over in a friendship. The rest lies in the other persons hands. They are equally responsible for the relationships success. So let your friends know they are important to you and hope that they understand your particular brand of humor and interaction. If they know you, they will understand.

the positive news is you're in good company because I think just about every single writer has insecurities. I hope that all these words of encouragement before me have helped.thanks for sharing and starting this!

I am so sorry I didn't post this month. I was looking forward to it. Unfortunately I am not dealing well my sick Chantilly. She is our 10 year old Yorkie, our daughter, and the love of our life. On top of that I am now sick with a summer cold YUCK!!!I hope to be there next month!!!

Alex, this is brilliant. I am sure we all have insecurities and now you have given us a forum to express them without fear combined with an opportunity to get to know others who share our passion for writing and the insecurities that often come with that passion.

I have missed reading your blog. You probably don't remember me as I was blogging sporadically until I neglected to renew my domain name. LSS- I lost all content including friends followers etc.

I am starting from scratch &I feel like I have found a great place to start. I am looking forward to 10/6 so that I can join in.

I hate that you lost a friend over something beyond your control. We learn who are true friends are when situations like this occur.

About Me

I'm a sci-fi writer on a journey of discovery - books, movies, music, etc.
Founder of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, I'm the author of Amazon Best Sellers CassaStar, CassaFire, CassaStorm, & Dragon of the Stars