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We wouldn't necessarily need to retaliate. Enough students at a certain school about an hour and some change northwest of Ann Arbor pee in the Grand River that the water and the banks are devoid of substantial life......

That's true, but I'd argue that there's a higher concentration of stupid people in the South. I've lived in the Midwest, the West, the East Coast, and the South, and based on my experience, I'd give the award of "most stupid people per capita" to the South.

one of the best things about college sports (and college football in particular) is all of the tradition and all the notable land marks. M club banner, auburns trees, georgias hedges, etc. destroying them is just stupid. sure it'd be hilarious to paint a winged helmet on the sparty statue but why ruin the whole fun of everything by destroying it?

I mean, just wow. What a terrible thing. The only way this turns out OK is if Alabama and Auburn get together and find a way to save the trees. I really hope there are no similar failures at humanity who are "inspired" to similar acts elsewhere.

Very true, Alabama should volunteer their staff or funding or something. I realize it isn't their responsibility, but if they do literally nothing (and it seems they haven't even released a statement yet) they look like they condone this.

Call me a tree-hugging hippy, but that sort of disrespect for a living thing is abominable. I understand and even endorse getting rid of trees when they're in the way of progress. But killing a living thing because of a perverted sense of rivalry is disgusting.

Sadly, we can't even say this is just a "southern" thing, as other posters have. About a century ago, before the Harvard-Yale game, Harvard's coach tried to motivate his team by strangling a bulldog in the locker room.

Pretty sure that's just a story that never actually happened. Besides, you're not equating trees to dogs, are you? I think the perpetrator oughta be exiled to Mongolia myself (not many trees there), but still.

I got a little carried away. And thank God that story's not real. It really bothered me when I first heard about it. I'm still depressed for humanity that this jackass exists in Alabama. He belongs in the West Texas moonscape.

Thanks for picking up on this as well. A coach choking a dog out is not the same as some dumb ass fan killing a tree. Sorry, I can't make that leap with you. If the find the guy they should give him a 1,000 paper cuts.

It ain't cheap, but you can transplant trees. Major golf courses have transplanted some massive trees overnight to cut off lanes golfers were abusing in PGA events. if I was bama, I'd be looking to buy up a grove of beautiful old trees and getting some enviornmental phds to figure out how to clear the soil asap.

Just like if some dumb UM fan (they do exist) actually physically destroyed sparty I'd be hoping to god the UM leadership paid for a newer, possibly better sparty statue to quell any chances of revenge. Otherwise it could get ugly.

Actually, this was my first thought, too. If you can transplant an entire house (ever see the two out-of-place Victorians on Huron Parkway near Washtenaw?), it seems conceivable that you could carefully excavate the trees and their root systems, remediate the soil, and re-plant them. But I'm not a forester, so I have no idea if it's too late for such a response.

I have no idea what the cost would be. But I'm sure that Auburn could raise enough "Save the Trees" donations to defray the cost. To save the trees would be a giant F U to Alabama (and mouth-breathing bottom-feeders everywhere).

Bond has been set at $50,000, but we mean this quite sincerely: Don't leave jail, man. Don't leave jail, because you will die. This isn't a threat. This is Alabama. Somebody will kill you dead, and finding a sympathetic court to avenge your passing won't be easy, so just hunker down. (For the uninitiated: The thing about the Alabama-Auburn rivalry is the statewide cross-pollination of fans of both schools. It's house-to-house fighting of a sort you'd normally see in an eastern European civil war action flick, and you won't know who's after you until it's too late. One would assume Updyke knows all this already, but again: Gave his real name and hometown to the Finebaum call screeners.)

Strap him to a chair. Tilt his head back. Put a funnel down his throat. Pour in 12 oz of Jack Daniels mixed with one jigger of vermouth and one-half cup of Spike 80DF. Tell him it's a Roll Tide Manhattan and he'll go happy.

This is where rivalries go wrong in my opinion. To me, insults, jokes, and good old fashion hatred is fine, but don't let it go to permeant vandalism or violence. For example, when we lost to msu, they painted the rock, yeah, ok, it's really annoying, but that's fine in my opinion. However, they also spray painted street signs, etc. that's too far. This is even beyond that. I hope they catch the guy