To start the new-ish 2018 year, I decided to lighten up. REALLY lighten up. So I went from ombre brownish gold to just…blonde. As in Khaleesi blonde. As Asian hair sucks ass to color, and doesn’t retain the color, I sat in a salon chair from 2:30PM-8:30PM. Below is a “BEFORE” of my brassy balayage/ombre ‘do.

As my parents have owned beauty salons for over 10 years, I came in with realistic expectations. To turn brown into light blonde, especially closer to the roots, you have to color for hours and hours. First hair is bleached, slowly, then the blonde shade is applied. It is NOT single processing. Often during processing, the hair color comes out in patches and super uneven. If the developer is too strong, your hair will be super brittle. If it’s too weak, it won’t lift the shades light enough.

I went to an Asian hair salon (Hair Philosophy @hairphilosophynyc) and relied on my fabulous & talented Effie Lei (@hair_by_effie) (please don’t poach her and book up all my appointments m*f*ckers!).

And goddamn she did a great job:

Look at that silky white blonde hair (on me, hers is a sticker.) Ok I realize I look like a vengeful Chinese ghost a la Bride with White Hair but also damn fashun. Honestly I didn’t think I would turn out SO blonde because usually the lifts don’t get as light as this. But this level of achievement was worth every penny of the $440 plus tips. They do take Venmo btw.

Just look at this blonde hair. I feel like an Asian bimbo. In a good way. Yes, my bosses raised their brows. Whatever. I’mma use the Millenial excuse mmmkay? I CAN make bad decisions ok?!

Platinum Blonde Asian Hair Maintenance

Now, Asian hurrrrr don’t stay like that y’all. Not only is there grow-out (not necessarily an issue because darker roots make it look more human) but the orange brassiness in dark hair starts to CREEP in. What’s the trick? PURRRRRRPLE SHAMPOO for beeches who don’t know.

Yes this is me but uglier than usual, so you get to look at the yellow happy face. Similar look.

A blonde colleague (NOT Asian) told me that she uses purple shampoo to keep her hair that cool platinum shade year-round. Of course I went and purchased a massive bottle of purple shampoo & conditioner from Joico, switched to Clairol Shimmer Lights (the most caustic sulphates-filled shampoo but with the best results), and tested Lush Daddy-O.

Joico Color Balance Purple Shampoo Review

Behold the Joico. It looks the same as any other purple shampoo. However, after putting the shampoo on my DRY hair and keeping it on for 20 minutes to absorb (the bottle says 2-3 minutes before washing) it BARELY got rid of the brass.

Clairol Shimmer Lights Shampoo (Blonde & Silver) Review

This Clairol Shimmer Lights is cheap and gives AMAZING results. I use it every single day to keep brassiness away and tone my hair weekly by leaving the shampoo on dry hair as a mask. If you keep it on tooooo long on certain lightest parts, you can almost see a purple shimmer. Use your judgement. Beware it does sting like soap in your eyes and has a super strong cheap shampoo smell.

Lush Daddy-O Shampoo Review

I also got a sample of Lush’s Daddy-O which smelled VIOLENTLY like violet and turned several strands pink. Worst. Ever. Don’t touch it. To think I almost bought a whole bottle. Should I sue?

Jhirmack Silver Brightening Ageless Conditioner Review

I also use purple hair conditioner. It doesn’t seem to do much, but I’m not about subtlety when it comes to this stuff. There’s not a WHOLE lot of choices and I’m not 100% positive there’s a toning deposit but it does keep my hair soft.

Here’s Angela and I a few weeks later. For some reason, my blonde hair really brings out her chins.

Dis is me and Angela in full view. Again, so happy about me hairdo somehow highlighting her jawline.

After my roots grew a few inches, I think it looks cool af. I do sorta look like those hipster alternative blonde Asians, or those Asian hair salon ladies who experiment too often with their hair. IDGAF. At work, to look more professional, I pull it into a ponytail and you can essentially only see the dark parts.

All I know is, after sitting 6+ hours to bleach it, and spending several years coloring it lighter and lighter, I AM not going back, because that would be a terrible….”blonder” kakakaka.