Thursday, July 21, 2005

Break yo'self, White.

Twice in one day! The vendetta must roll: It's come to my attention that Armond is crazier than I previously believed possible. Submitted for your approval:

1) He wrote a book about Tupac. Frealz. Why is it that pop journalists feel the need to legitimize themselves by writing about hip-hop? I've seen pictures of Armond White. He will never be cool. No amount of endless rambling about how he likes to "get krunk" will make Lisa Schwarzbaum blow him.

2) Speaking of Lisa, she gets name-dropped in an article about Armond in Filmmaker. Apparenty he doesn't like her. Although when the boys used to pick on the girls when I was in grade school, it meant something obscenely biological might be on their minds. Other fascinating tidbits include Armond's distaste for David Gordon Green's "All the Real Girls" (about which I have no opinion) and his willingness to contrast said distaste with his satisfaction with Justin Timberlake's video for "Cry Me a River". Yeah, the one where he's the creepy stalker guy.

3) Finally, an interview with the man over at a Brian DePalma fansite. Now, I am only recently converted to the Church of DePalma. Love the guy. But even I'm not crazy enough to make blanket statements like: "any reviewer who pans [MISSION TO MARS] does not understand movies, let alone like them." Does this dude ever like, look in a mirror, or maybe even hear what he says? Because I would like to think he maybe has blackouts and when he comes to, someone tells him what he's been doing, and he just marvels, slack-jawed, totally agog at how truly batshit bugfucking crazy he really is.