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It’s Not Easy Being Me

I’m in the office today helping somebody submit an online nomination for an award for this guy. The lady keeps reading aloud how he’s being nominated for the “Robert Wood Johnson Community Health Leadership Award.” I’m like mheh! ‘wood!’ ha ha! ‘Johnson’! She gives me a funny look. She reads it again and again. I keep having to stifle laugher.

Then I say that it’s stupid to give someone an award for doing their job. She said he doesn’t do it for the job, he does it for ‘the community’. I’m like damn the community. That’s not what I work for. I work to make money. Commun it- communi – commun- ist. COMMUNIST?? Hell NO!

Some employees are such babies that they need awards, and banners to show everyone else that they are good at their job. Just give me my check and let my performance be personal to me. I know I am the Stuff (not what I really wanted to say). I don’t need no stinkin Award or Certifiacte. That’s for lazy people that they want to motivate to work harder.

Government (at all levels) is so grossly inefficient, I don’t think anyone should get an award for anything. I read that in welfare dollars only like 29 cents per dollar actually reaches the welfare recipient. The rest of the money goes to cover bureacratic overhead! I imagine all departments have a similar ‘success’ rate.

I have a “reward” today from my company. About 200 of us are going bowling in 10 mins- and they are supplying alcohol and a catered lunch too!! For the next 4 hours I will be a gluttonous drunk. WHoo Hoo!! Bye ya’ll!!

I get a bonus once a year in profit sharing but not that much! It is still coll! That is all I want the almighty dollar from my job!! All my personal satifaction and self-worth comes from my friends and family. — Not a job!

I actually get pissed off when I get a $1000 bonus, because the gummint takes like $300 of it. I would rather they just put it into the profit-sharing that goes in my 401K so the friggin gummint doesn’t get a third of it.

hey neat, the government takes your $300 sends it to welfare and $87 of it makes it into the hands of some people who don’t work at all and the rest of it gets eaten up by the civil servants who are probably spending their time blo– Never mind.

Damn Phelps you get off light only losing 33%. The gumment always taxes my bonus money at 41% and that sucks. When my boss calls me in and says “good job UNLV we are going to slide you a $1000 for working on such and such project” then pay day rollas round and I am sitting on only $590 after the gumment gets their cut it kind of makes me angry. I look at it like did the gumment work 54 straight hours? Did the gumment give up a weekend? Did the gumment rack their brains coming up with a solution to an impossible probem? The answer is no to all of those questions. Since I am salaried I get no O.T. and when my company tries to sldie me something extra for hard work and sacrafice, Uncle Sam is right there grabbing his 41% cut….

On top of that UNLV: You have the people on welfare (some need it I know) but alot of them are are just asses that will get some of you paycheck. How about that? We work our asses off everyday and never call in sick so that some slacker can live off us!!!! I say that everyone on welfare should have a job and get drug tested constantly. They can paint the lines in the street, kill the pigeons, cut the grass, exercise the fat people of the world (funny most people on welfare are fat)HUH?? How does that happen when I have to cook food surprise for 3 boys. The surprise being make your own meal out of 4 types of leftovers!!

You can put whatever substance you want in your body. But don’t look for help when that substance causes you to (drop out of high school, smoke crack,rob, steal, murder). If these are the choices you made don’t come looking for free handouts for just breathing the same air as working people. I have been dirt poor but I found a way!!!! never begged anyone for anything!

Yes, begging is ok because if they turn it over it’s voluntary. But if uncle sam would have put a gun to that chick’s head and made her turn over 41% of her booty to you, that would be foul. That’s the difference between charity and stealing.

I can see it now. As a man I put in hours on the phone with a chick, $50 for dinner, $30 for a movie, $30 for drinks, pretend to be interested in her intellect and get her naked for a 60 minute sex session. As I am about to start doing my thing, Uncle Sam steps in with some fat greasey, dirty, gameless loser dude and he gets to bone the chick, the chick I put in work on, for 24 minutes before I do. When he gets done I get her for 36 minutes of sloppy seconds. Awesome!!!

Mexley, you need to put up the “being a better employee” or whateverthefuck at least once a week. it’s hard to fool boss cumshot that i’m analyzing commercial real estate in houston when I’m punching my face to stop laughing at this shit..

Oh, and I have… 82.25 hours and counting this week. And we are only halfway through the trial. One more week to go. And that pushes me into a higher withholding bracker. MOTHERFUCKERS! Friday and Saturday just got kicked in the ass.