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But to work. I just responded to a PM from Andy Velez so before my arse is banned on a permanent basis I have to report some stuff to my friends here.

Because let's face it, like Andy earns his wage or Ann his self respect (coz let's face it . . . ), I respond to your emails and PM's.

RESULTS FOR MATTY THE DAMNED

September 2006CD4 Absolute: 133CD% 12VL > 500,000

October 2006CD4 Absolute: 15CD% 5VL > they stopped counting

I restarted HAART last week. I'm taking Atazanavir, Ritonavir, 3TC, AZT and Abacavir. Also I take Bactrim, Fluconazole, lamotrigine, valproate, maxalon and endless amounts of stuff. I take 22 pills a day. Which is a quite a challenge.

Even for a no good cocksucker like me.

Today they threatened me with hospital. I resisted. I'm riddled with thrush from arsehole to breakfast time and I can't keep anything down. I''ve got vision issues in me left eye. I mean don't get me wrong, you can all whine about shit but until it happens you got no idea.

And who would of thunk it? I had a couple of epileptic seizures this weeeeeeek.

Except for Andy and Ann. They know Tim Yawn and he's been to a Conference. You should be grateful to these people.

Really, you should.

.... oh I had stuff to say here but I feel too ill. It was witty and clever.

I have missed you my friend and think of you daily. I had an uneasy feeling things were not going well with you. I wish I didn't feel so powerless...sometimes there is no sanctuary. I am sending you my email address. I cherish your friendship... remember, you can never be barred from my heart.

I hate to hear that you are not well. I think about you often and I keep you in my prayers. Im praying that all those meds you are taking will do the trick and you will be back to your own "evil" self soon. I miss you!

My Darling...you know where I am in cyber space...as do I know where you are! You maybe half way around the world from me, but you are next to me in my heart! I know that sounds a bit emotional, but I for one love the damned!!

You are strong and my light when I am at my darkest...I hope that I may be of some use for you too!!

Well say something, you useless dickwads. Check my profile, you'll find my skype addy, my yahoo name and all of that shit.

Don't tell me the the beige people have taken our forums!

MtD

"LITTLE BOXES"

Little boxes on the hill side, little boxes made of ticky tackyLittle boxes, little boxes, little boxes all the same.There's a green one and a pink one and a blue one and a yellow one,And they're all made out of ticky tacky, and they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses all went to universityWhere they were put in boxes, little boxes, all the same.And there's doctors and there's lawyers, and there's business executivesAnd they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course and drink their martini dryAnd they all have pretty children and the children go to schoolAnd the children go to summer camp and then to universityWhere they all get put in boxes and they all come out the same

And the boys go into business and marry and raise a familyIn boxes, little boxes, little boxes all the same.There's a green one and a pink one and and a blue one and a yellow oneAnd they're all made ot of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

See here's the thing. With the exception of the above (not all of whom I care for nor even understand), you all love that which Matty the Damned has to say.

Until the MoFo says it to you. So you're gonna love this.

The first people I'd like to address are the gutless spivs who send me private messages telling me how fucking great my views are. Well, frankly your support means a whole lot of fuck all. If you think you're earning MtD approval points, you're not.

Rather than giggling vicariously through my mordent wit like some school girl deprived of her knickers why don't you dip shit losers actually learn to speak for yourselves?

I know how good I am, I don't require external validation.

Nevertheless I'm speaking to a (and I use the term loosely) largely American audience. Over the 25 years that I've been an AIDSMEDS member (really it seems longer) I've come to understand a lot about ignorance.

So let's be ignorant, shall we? Really, it's the emergent fashion in this place of late and far be it from Matty the Damned to resist such things.

Let's ignore the fact that Jonathan stopped posting in Living With and restricted himself to answering the questions of Worried Wells in the Other Place before all of this became to much.

Let's ignore the fact that original, good members of AIDSMEDS like Lisbeth, Bucko, Newnick, Nancy and a fuckin' litany of others simply stopped posting at all. How many times have we heard members call plaintively about the fate of Skeeter, to no avail? I wouldn't respond if I was him, either.

Let's ignore the fact Goderator Ann stopped being one of us and has long since started serving the masters of Smart+Strong. And if you think I'm being a prick about this then you either weren't here when she convened the most vicious flame war against Red Ronnie because he dared to question the status-quo, or you just didn't give a shit. But of course Ann was just an undercover moderator in those days, she lacked the balls and and is an apologist for the poz.com hegemony which bores us all to death these days.

Do tell Ann, where did Jazz end and you begin?

Let's ignore the fact people like Hal, Rapid Rod, Rich et al can be timed out for having a full and frank exchange of views on whatever issue simply because it upsets light-weight wannbees such as Eric. Or even you Alex. It strikes Matty the Damned as passing strange that these people can be booted, yet tiresome bores such as KYHeteroman and his equally tedious husband Trish are allowed to carry on with impunity.

Let's ignore the fact that Cliff and others of his conservative ilk are permitted to started blatant fuckin' flame wars with no consequence. And don't tell me how many times I've been warned about my appalling behaviour before the Powers That Be were forced do something. I know how dreadful I am.

I have to live with myself.

But Matty the Damned is not above reproach himself. He prides himself on being honest, true and down the line yet he's allowed this crap to continue to nary a comment. I confess. I've been a willing dupe of Mother Staley the Meth Maiden of Manhattan (she of a thousand ghastly posters in one hundred public toilets) Goderator Ann, Velez, and the Other One and I have the emails and the PM's to prove it whilst they provaricated over endless issues.

Hell, I even participated in some tacky farce that Ann and Andy concocted during the take over because Staley was slow in offering Velez a new contract. You guys must be hyucking it up over that one.

So save me the love and the hugs. It's not gonna do any good. What would do us all some good if the supposed members in this place actually spoke out when something gave them the shits, and I'm not talking about Kaletra. I don't buy this "we don't need to create a ruckus" thing for a moment.

Please, be the grand fucking activists you claim to be. Speak your minds.

If you can find one. I believe Joe Killfoile has one free at the moment.

Matty the Damned(Who thinks Eric has more to worry about than Matty's health)

Matty. Your post reminds me of the 1980's, the anger, the health reality, etc. Since I am new to the forums, I haven't followed your career online, but it is, strange to say if you didn't live through those years, great to hear the voice of those years again. And it's not, please understand everyone, that I think we don't deserve the progress which the pharmacies have produced, the cocktail(s), etc. But lost in our current situation is the very, very real situation of people like Matty, who try medications, fail at medications, deal with side effects, don't see the claims met and yet take the time and energy to remind us, lest we forget, that they are still with us and, hopefully, will continue to be with us and to voice their opinions.

Logged

Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems. The last was published in December 2006. He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

The first people I'd like to address are the gutless spivs who send me private messages telling me how fucking great my views are. Well, frankly your support means a whole lot of fuck all. If you think you're earning MtD approval points, you're not.

The term for that is SYCOPHANTS .... Now everybody run to dictionary.com!! (you know you're doing it!!!) .... Good thing Matty is able to recognize the sycophants for the insincere weaklings they are. Poor, poor sycophants. They would be LOST if Matty suddenly triumphed over all obstacles. ... All the sycophants need to stop sending PM's to Matty. They're not helping his health and he has made himself crystal clear.

Matty you honery ass you. Get your ass up here in November and watch election night coverage with me. lol Seriously, do what the hell is in your heart. It's your life. Just have fun doing it ......and reading your posts above, you are. Hang in there you freaking Aussie and remember, us up north here are getting cold and you're getting warmer!

Logged

44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

Although,I have not been here long, I have come to enjoy reading MtD's post. I don't know much about him, but I have to respect him for very blunt point of views. As far as whatever the beef is, I really don't care, I think what we should be doing is combining our energies and sending them his way instead of arguing.