ISSUE 18 December 2015 works of the young and talented to the whole world.

You WILL be rewarded a
copy of Garde Magazine
Anniversary Issue!

An independent magazine aimed at bringing the works of the young and talented
to the whole world. Believing in ideas, thoughts and concepts, Garde Magazine
follows the principle of simplicity and honesty.

Founders
Cleo Tse
Natasha Chan

cleo.tse@gardemagazine.com
natasha.chan@gardemagazine.com

Creators
Holly Rees

Ivy Yuen

James Clow

Contributors
ODKST
Kalle Ă&#x2013;stgĂĽrd

Special thanks
Maria Evrenos

Kaat De Groef

Content
Ivy Yuen
Fine Art
Creations derived from maths and research

Holly Rees
Fine Art
Nature and humanity are one

James Clow
Fine Art
Why commercialise artistic talent?

Kaar de Groef
Jewellery Design
Connecting jewellery to our bodies

Story teller
ODKST
Kuro Ex Machina - Chapter 6

IVY YUEN
Creations
derived
from
maths and
research
Contributed by

A

re there reasons why your artworks are
mainly in plain colours?

Since the media I use is usually
paper, the colour of paper itself will
become the leading tone. Another
reason is that the theme of my artwork:
death, silence (rest) made me think of
light colours. I didn’t realise that at the
beginning, but when I put all my works
in the past years together, it looked pretty
obvious.
And I really need to create in a
very quiet environment – with no sounds
of humans around and with some music.
Under that status, bright colours can’t
really enter the picture. These are all with
support: I have read two famous artists,
Paul Klee and Johannes Itten’s articles
which are about psychology and colour.
Since my environment is quiet, what
eyes want to see are plain colours too.
Sometimes I bought really good quality
colour pencils but I gave up on using them
because the quality is too good and the
colours are too bright.

H

ave you always preferred painting?

I think paintings with different
mediums are different – painting with oil
has its amazing attractions such as strong
characters and bright colours, but I rarely

use it. I like to mix different medium and
materials to paint and sketch. Painting
makes me feel a strong communication
with the artworks. It is like playing
badminton that goes back and forth.

W

hy do you like to do statistics and
calculations before creating?

Maybe it was because I studied
economics before. I remember my thesis
was about foreign companies in China and
investment and I collected over 20 years
of data. I like to do research and I have
had training before. Everything I do needs
to be supported by something, which
affects my creative creation. I will prefer
to collect data and analyse – maybe it is
because I need to convince myself.

C

an you explain how you transform statistics
and data into a piece of artwork?

Although a big part of my
inspiration is about data, my artworks
tend to be narrative. Numbers and figures
are like stories to me and I will read them
like a story book. There are reasons
for numbers to appear; such as that the
amount of people who take transportation
during Chinese New Year in China is due
to family reunion – I want to think of
the reason behind the numbers. Workers
were separated from their family to work

Ivy Yuen - Whe Smokes Rise (Daraya, Syria)

Ivy Yuen - Rubbles

in cities with more opportunities that
led to population mobility and changes
of society etc. After ‘reading’ I try to
imagine possible stories which come
with characters and emotions. Numbers
are also with weight, just like colours.

eventually was 10m long with 21,900
days (365 years times 60 years) of
waiting. Someone said it was a love
letter, I just thought of “to number our
days” (Psalm 90:12) from the bible.

I like literature (the first book I
read in secondary school was by Chinese
literature writer Chiung Yao) and I like
to connect literature with my artworks.
That’s how I combine numbers and
literature with visual elements and
images to give birth to my works.

Y

Statistics are from real life
and the arts is mainly imagination. I
think travelling between reality and its
opposite is quite special - in this way
taking out numbers may increase the
reality of its opposite.

C

an you give us some examples that you did
statistics for?

My early work ‘Richard, I missed
you so much’ is inspired by the movie
Somewhere In Time, a love story that
time and space criss-cross. The leading
actor from 1972 falls in love with the
leading actress from 1912. He tried his
best to go back to the past to find her.
The actress eventually lived until 1972
and went to find him although she is a
granny already. Waiting for 60 years to
meet one’s lover is very touching and I
really would like to know what missing
and waiting for so long is like.
Then I started to collect
calendars from 1912 to 1972 and find
out each month’s day of full moon.
I wrote these full moon days on the
canvas according to its sequence. Yellow
dots were representing full moon day
and Sundays were red dots. The work

our recent artworks are related to wars –
whey does a place with no war need to care
about wars?
Although Hong Kong is a place
with no war, it is pretty easy to get in
touch with news, images and videos
that are about wars from the Internet.
Everyone will be attracted to them and
sit at home to ‘comprehend’ war because
there is none in Hong Kong. Another
reason is because I have been studying
time, death and the fading of lives. To
me, war and death are synonyms, so I
care a lot about wars.

H

ow did you start your path to art?

I liked to do arts and crafts
when I was young. I would buy books
to learn it and make some small things
for classmates yet they had no practical
usage. I was the one always responsible
for the art and design part in group
activities. I didn’t attend too many
activities when I studied economics in
Hong Kong Baptist University but I
attended other schools to have classes. I
accidentally attended a beginner course
of Western painting in art school – that
was when I started to know more about
art.
I would like to thank a professor
who taught me back in the day because
he was the one who opened the gate
of art for me by thinking about life and
history through a piece of painting.

“I was a choir member before and
I learnt that I have to put in my
emotion in order to touch others. I
also learnt to put my feelings in art
creations.”
When I had saved up enough money
after graduation, I took a diploma
course of sketching and painting. Then
I learned oil painting in local artist
Christopher Ku’s studio for three years.
I then studied a bachelor course in
art school and I have been continuing
creating since graduation.

W

hy do you want to keep working on art?

Sometimes I think it’s not about
me giving up or not but ‘giving up’
didn’t pick me.
Teachers in art school led me
to another level and showed me more
about contemporary art and creating:
I recognised art is a language and a
profession. I also understand that
painting does not necessarily equal to
art. Honestly, it is friends, teachers,
family and colleagues’ support to make
me keep walking. As an artist, there are
some inevitable difficulties such as high
rent and small space. But I have faith
that everyone needs arts and culture just
like needing water. It’s an alternative
vitamin to keep one healthy.

H

ow does painting make you feel?

Painting makes me more focused
because I have to spend a lot of time to
observe and make delicate changes. It
also calms me down and increases my
attention span.

H

ow does art affect your life?

The process of creation made
me more attention-focused. I will pay
attention to small stuff like a pin and
start imagining its appearance, shape,
history and possibility. I would want
to dismantle it to create another form.
Another funny thing is art changes my
shopping preference. I used to buy
clothes, shoes and bags, now I will go to
metal shops, stationery stores and wood
stores etc to buy weird stuff.
Apart from that, I realised that
I have been more organised because
I need to follow a schedule to finish a
piece of work, otherwise I could not
exhibit the work. But sometimes I try to
improvise and allow myself to stumble a
bit in the process.

Ivy Yuen - Dealth Toll

H

HOLLY REES
Nature
and
humanity
are one

H

olly Rees is a creator
in the fine art sector.
She said she is all
about making work
that engages people on some level
with the issues she expresses in
her paintings.
Calling fine art beautiful
in that there is no one single
definition to restrict it to; Holly
said it is “anything, something
creative and something
appreciated because of its
intellectual/aesthetic properties.”
Holly learned fine art
in college and said the biggest
lesson was learning how to let her
practice “develop organically –
like learning how to plait together
all these moving strands of critical
discussion and aesthetic and
contextual understanding into a
continually growing and changing
body of work.”

Upon graduation, Holly
set her mind to exploring the
idea of nature versus man.
“What I’m really trying to do is
explore the idea of ‘nature’ as
something of a social construct,
it doesn’t really exist physically
- the sort of man vs. nature
binary is socially constructed,
and in reality humanity is just as
natural as everything else,” she
said. “Many contemporary ecocritics (for example, Timothy
Morton) explain that the idea
that you can separate the two is
quite a damaging one, because if
‘nature’ is separate from humanity
then we can ignore it, as well
as the environmental problems
faced today (like global warming,
pollution, etc).”
In her paintings, Holly
tries to look at the different ways
people engage with landscapes in

Holly Rees - untitled intermediate (postcards), oil on panel, 30 x 40cm
In my practice I attempt to use painting to examine the ways in which we experience and understand landscape. Intermediates – like
windows, screens, postcards – can inform a potentially problematic understanding of the world around us, and create an image of
“nature” as something separate from humanity.
A traditional or idealist concept of Nature comes from a Romanticised image of a pristine wilderness, untouched by humans: but this
concept is something that progressive ecologists and eco-critics are trying to dismantle, because it feeds into a damaging human/nature
binary. If we put “Nature” on a pedestal and reduce it to an object separate from us, it’s then easy to ignore. However, if this dualism
could be broken down, it would be possible to gain a greater understanding of human ecology: that environmental problems are not
problems that belong to the Environment, but are problems that belong to us.
I’m interested in questioning whether our experiences through different intermediaries reinforce this romanticised idea of nature. In
glimpses of landscapes through moving train windows I attempt to use painting as a means to explore a more temporal experience of a
landscape we’ve merely glanced at. So too in reproduced images of landscapes, like those on postcards, or in books, we gain a potentially
false understanding of a place. This relates to another interesting concept, that of a “celebrity landscape” – places like the Grand Canyon
that are easily recognisable to many despite having never set foot there.
This line of enquiry has also lead to a parallel development of the work beyond traditional painting, in the design and build of a
“Vargon” (an amalgamation of ‘vardo’ and ‘waggon’). This hand built wooden caravan is capable of moving through the landscape itself,
again questioning how the ways in which we experience landscape feed into our understanding of it.

order to create discussion or encourage
people to consider the potential
falsehood of this man/nature binary, she
said.
“In my next few paintings I’m
continuing to look at these different
intermediates through which we gain our
understanding of a place; in particular
still painting windows, with more of a
focus perhaps on the physicality of the
screen, the glass itself, and the shapes
of the window panes, as well as the
movement and blurred landscape through
them,” she said. “I also want to continue
a line of enquiry into this idea of a
‘celebrity landscape;’ a landscape people
know and recognise, and in a sense have
a relationship with, without necessarily
even stepping foot there.
Speaking of where her inspiration
comes from, Holly said everything is
connected. “I’m always thinking about

how we see things, especially when I’m
travelling and staring out of a window
somewhere; but I find ‘inspiration’ all
over the shop - talking to people, a photo
someone sends me, conversations, a line
in a book, talks I’ll go to, a poem. I think
it’s difficult to compartmentalise these
things.”
As to why she enjoys painting as
the medium of her creations, Holly said
it works well with her subject matter.
“Isn’t painting after all just another
intermediate, another screen through
which we gain ideas about the world
around us? But honestly the reasons are
probably more selfish than that. I just like
painting!”
Asked what quality is important
for creators, she said, “I think probably
having a mind that’s open to learn and
change and soak up the world.”

Holly Rees - London 200 Miles, oil on panel, 80 x 100cm

JAMES CLOW
Why
commercialise
artistic talent?

W

James Clow - St. Peter, Oil on Panel, 10x15cm

I learnt that to improve, I need to continually pull
the rug out from under my feet through challenging
my own ideas, through focussing on the flaws in
my painting and learning from my mistakes.

H

ave you realised that the
Guggenheim museum of
art has become a...chain
store? If you are a little
bit interested in art, you have probably
known about the New York original
(the flagship store?) from an early age,
and the 1997 sequel in Bilbao you might
know for it’s Frank Gehry-designed
titanium skin that inspired a thousand
copies. But now, as Guggenheim
museums are popping up in such
unlikely places as Lithuania and Abu
Dhabi, we might have to really admit
it to ourselves: Art is not an innocent,
care-free field, but rather as full of
intrigue, money and power as any shady
business.
This would have come as no
surprise to British painter James Clow,
however. Bournemouth-born and
educated, this artist moved to London
to study at the Wimbledon college of
art, and now lives and works there. His
paintings dive head-on into the deeper
connections and real-world pressures
that affect art, with a multitude of angles
and perspectives to illuminate it.
“I believe the art world is

not beyond politics and is actually
often colonised, or recuperated, into
the frameworks of the prevailing
social order, and used to propagate
conservative ideologies,” he argues.
The antidote to this strangling
of the art world, according to James,
is in subversive spiritual themes. “Art
on these themes become subversive
by situating itself as distinct from the
establishment...(and) transcending the
social order.”
Specifically, James takes his
starting point in the old masters – usually
Raphael. The art of this renaissance
painter is perhaps the most stereotypical
there is – show his paintings to a million
people and they would all agree that they
are truly and unarguably pieces of art.
By being so recognisable and so “pure,”
James can start twisting and distorting
them to find new meanings and explore
contemporary themes.
For example, in “Lo Spasimo,”
James takes a dramatic Rafael painting –
a scene of Jesus fallen on his way up to
Calvary mountain, with Mary stretching
her arms out full of despair – and

smacks a “half price” sticker on top of Jesus. The message
is clear -“the commercial has usurped the divine’s place of
predominance. It is the trite promise of a saving rather than
the sacrificial suffering of the Messiah that triggers Mary’s
fit of emotion.” Chaotic scenes from the U.S. Shopping
event of “Black friday” should support his argument that
modern consumerism “follows in the footsteps of the old
religious fetishism.”
The choice of painting as a technique is also a
conscious one. Painting is slow, meticulous and creates
single pieces – this “sets the work against the spectacular,
fast paced, self-replacing nature of digital media, the mass
media and the Culture Industry.” Although the style he uses
is those of the renaissance, James does admit to simplifying
the techniques somewhat – he does not go as far as using
the historically accurate type of glazing, for example. The
result is still a slow, thoughtful production, on all kinds of
media – even smartphone covers.
A well-read guy, James is quick to support his
thoughts with a quote to a philosopher or writer, but in
many cases it is not neccessary. Even a brief look at the
modern art world will, for example, show that it’s main
characteristic is indeed “spectacle” – With Damien Hirst’s
and James Koons’ flashy eye-catchers catching millions
in auctions. Similarly, the “tyranny of market structures”
should also be something any reader in the creative field has
tasted. “Throughout my education, such an emphasis was
put on sales and marketing yourself, the standard route to
success as an artist is unquestioningly commercial.” Seem
familiar?

James Clow - Evangelism, iPhone case
My recent work constitutes an ongoing enquiry into the political and
spiritual implications of my own practice. Through the considered
painting of appropriated renaissance artwork, I critique the ways in
which the omnipresent consumer-capitalist model has forced its way
into the art world. My work resides firmly in the tradition of painting,
so acknowledges and refers to that heritage. Working with themes of
commodification, recuperation and spectacle, I seek to produce works
that oppose the dominant visual culture without overly mystifying or
obfuscating. By recognising a connection to the spiritual, which is the
foundation of my medium, I question the extent to which numinous
repercussions remain significant.

James Clow -Lo Spasimo, Oil on
Panel, 10x15cm
(Con‘t‘d)
The slow, technique-heavy process
serves to set the work against
the spectacular, fast paced,
self-replacing nature of digital
media, the mass media and the
Culture Industry. Conceptions
of authenticity, representation
and reality are all present in the
work, contributing to the overall
thematic explorations.

As his work is often very self-referential, the presence of
religious themes can make one curious, but James refuses to reveal
his own stance in the matter. If we know he’s a Christian, he argues, it
could look as if he was making sincere religious art, and if we know
he’s an atheist, it could seem very antagonistic, using religion as a
negative to create criticism. “Whatever I actually believe, the work
is probably more interesting kept open. Tying the paintings to my
identity only limits the interpretative possibilities, something I am keen
to avoid.”
He’s not sure if this type of exploration is to be his
“signature” style.“I am still open to changing what I do and exploring
new ideas, so essentially I don’t know how to determine exactly what
my signature is.”
His up-coming project is in the same vein, however: “I’ll be
working with the Chapter-house Museum in South London. This
museum showcases the foundations of the historically significant ,
medieval monastery, Merton Priory. The museum was demolished
under orders from Henry VIII and today a large supermarket stands in
its place. I hope to create some work for the museum which combines
the discordant spiritual and commercial uses of the site.”
And certainly, as there is enough to criticise to fill a lifetime of
productivity, continuing on these themes should not be a problem for
James. As he states as his goals, apart from achieving as high a level of
work as he can, his hope is that he can instigate “some kind of change,
whether individual or systematic.” A good and neccessary motivation
in the face of what he is criticising.
Somewhat loftier, however, is his dream project of being
exhibited alongside Rafael’s original paintings – we certainly wish him
the best of luck!

KAAT DE GRO
Connecting
jewellery to
our bodies

JEWELLERY

OEF

Kaat De Groef - Beads
A bead might not only be the most
used shape within jewellery, it is
as well so familiar that everyone
can relate to it. Its simple spherical
shape can be seen as a small
sculpture: perfect and complete.
Through the concept of beads I
explore the relationship between
jewellery and the wearer. By
altering its surface and changing
its place of contact I play with
the tactile experience of wearing
jewellery. The collection focuses
on the bead’s touch on the skin
in order to trigger a heightened
awareness of the body.

A

t first glance, Kaat De Groef ’s
project, Beads, looks like simple
shapes with curvy outlines. The
subtle uniqueness of each piece
of jewellery has delicately folded into the
creators’ design skills and observation with her
appreciation towards human bodies.
Inspired by the connection between
jewellery and their wearer’s bodies, Kaat would
like to discover how jewellery can create a
heightened awareness of bodies.
“During my research I did a couple of
sessions with a massage therapist to get a better
understanding of how we experience touching
from a body’s perspective. It helped me to
understand the connection of body parts and
the importance of that to feel in balance,” said
Kaat.
Such a project may sound simple to
the ear, but Kaat has been paying an incredible
amount of attention to details and the fusion
of traditional techniques and new technologies.

In a way for me, a collection
is never finished. Even
during the last stages
I keep thinking of ways
to improve the pieces of
jewellery and push the
designs.

The main materials used in Beads are pearl
and porcelain, while human body shapes need to be
accurately measured in order to have a gapless touch
of the body and the piece of jewellery. Kaat admitted
that she enjoyed the cumbersome but delicate creation
process.
It started with a three-dimensional body scan
of herself and plaster mould to ensure the direction of
the project. The actual use of porcelain involved drying,
firing and the finishing of porcelain which took a few
days. The final pieces were slip casted into moulds so
they would be hollow.

It’s not even finished yet.

“Pearl knotting - where you make a knot between
each pearl to secure the string - is quite a work intensive
technique but I like to combine new technologies with
old traditional techniques.”

Beads consists of a few parts
which focuses on the chest, neck and
shoulder since they are important
parts in massage therapy. Kaat was
fascinated by how the seemingly
endless surface of beads only actually
touches a body in a very small part hence her project. Although the big
pieces of beads are round from the
appearance on the wearer’s body, it
actually fits perfectly well with human
shapes.
And necklaces, of course,
“pearl necklaces are such a common
type of jewellery. Everyone recognises
it and can related to it.” The use of
porcelain has gotten to Kaat’s mind
due to its tactility and pureness, in
addition to the freedom of shaping.
For Kaat, being creative is
like nature and she was clear that she
would want to do something within
the arts and design criteria. Jewellery
design has captured Kaat’s heart by
the functionality and connection to
bodies, also its intimacy and history as

an art form.
After proper training in her
Bachelor degree and Master degree,
Kaat has matured as a creator and
found her style of working.
“The most important thing
I learned and developed during my
time in my Master course is my own
method of working. I love using
images rather than sketching to
visualise my ideas.” Kaat said. “The
most difficult thing for me is letting
a collection go even if I feel it will
never be finished.”
Currently, Kaat is working
in a renowned designer brand while
she is very much looking forward to
finding a similar job in the future or
even setting up her own brand by
collaborating with another designer
in fashion or accessories. She is
also keeping herself inspired for
continuous development for her
existing projects and new upcoming
projects.

Story teller

KURO
EX
MACHINA
by ODKST

CHAPTER 6
EXIGENCY
Dawn
There were eight of them. They were coming down the
staircase, carrying plasma rifles. Their eyes were burning like tiny
suns as they extended the stalks protruding from their grey, triangular
heads. I tightened my grip on Rosalyn. “Here goes nothing”, I told my
brother.
He said nothing, reaching for his axe. He had his stern face on,
the one that meant blood was inbound. I smiled and licked my lips in
anticipation. The killing was about to begin.
One of the aliens had reached the step closest to me. It hissed,
extending a tongue like that of a cow, flat and wriggling. I hissed back
at it through gritted teeth. The creature aimed its weapon at my solar
plexus. “You die, human”, it said in its guttural voice. I thought of the
mountains that rose out of the sea of purple discharge. I saw the birds,
white as lightbulbs, in massive rings, circling above the grimy waves of
the sea. I could hear their shrieks as they floated over us, judging us
with jagged pinprick eyes. I spun, dove, and crouched under the alien’s
swollen abdomen. David dropped his axe, the alien’s rifle exploding
into halves. Sparks rained down on my belly as I drew a large X across
the pale white sack that hung over me, laughing as the alien screamed
in agony, its insides spilling all over my chest. I saw flashes of blue
light. They were firing. Hiding under my imploding victim, I rolled
over and started crawling up the steps. Adrenaline was surging through
me. I had drawn first blood! Rosalyn seemed to vibrate in my left hand,
as if ecstatic.

I made my way out from under the alien just as it toppled over,
crashing into the wall and collapsing into itself. David was right behind me.
Seven aliens in front of me, but they were too many and too clumsy, filling
up the entire staircase. The one closest to me seemed taken aback. It was
staring at its dead buddy, raising its weapon as if in a haze. Too late! I shot
out without looking, without thinking. Fwap! His head went flying. Acting
on instinct, I pressed up against the wall as the six remaining aliens lost
their minds, firing wildly, burning through each other and their headless
frontrunner. Blinded by blue light, I felt the heat from their weapons, singing
my chest and my hair. The stairs were alive with energy. I shut my eyes tight,
waiting for the explosion to subside. In the darkness, I felt a distant pang of
anxiety. David!
No time to worry. I focused on my fingertips, crawling like a spider
up the wall, my back against it.
“Ow!” My head hit the ceiling. I bent forward, climbing with fingers
and toes until I was hanging from it like some freakish chandelier. As I
adjusted to this new plane, my eyesight started to come back. I was drenched
in sweat. My grip on Rosalyn was loosening.
I saw David at the stairs below, hiding behind the scorched body
of the headless alien. The remaining six seemed oblivious to me. They
were moving closer to my brother in a group, rifles at the ready. David was
searching for me, I could see it in the corner of his eyes.
Even now in the heat, the stench of burnt flesh and warm blood
surrounding me, adrenaline pumping, I couldn’t help but feel a burst of love
for him.
Not the time. Focus. Six of them, two of us. This was a matter of

seconds.
I dropped. My stomach turned as I let go of the ceiling, crashing
onto the back of the alien below me. There was shrieking and shuffling as I
slid off it, disappearing in between warm, rubbery bodies. Everything went
dark.

I was being crushed!

I heard my brother shout something. Distracting them!

Was it enough?
I tried to move my arm. Stuck. My other arm was free, but useless. I
needed Rosalyn. Great, I thought. Trapped between egos.

What? Where did that come from?

I was losing air, fast. Small stars were exploding in front of my eyes.
I could see only darkness. Warm, pulsating bodies pressed up against me. I
could feel myself sinking… sinking…
In the dark, Joe Bob Fenestre says: You are an anomaly, Dawn. You have powers
greater than even your brother can perceive.
I feel so weak.
I know you do. I’m not saying this will be easy. I’m saying it will be worth it.
The darkness gets deeper as his voice fades away. The silence is complete. Where
are you? I ask. I need you to tell me what to do.

There is no answer.

Explosions of light. My hearing returns as I snap my eyes open again.
There are howls of pain all around me, above me. I must be lying on the
floor. I blink. My eyes hurt from the light. I can barely feel my body. As I
clamp my eyes shut, blue light flashes all around me.

I just want to go back to sleep.

Someone pulls at my arm. I moan.

“Five more minutes”, I mumble.

The pulling at my arm gets harder. I wince. As I carefully open my
right eye, the blurry image of my brother slides into view.

“Get up”, he says. “Get up!”

I actually manage to sit up. Blinking again, I try to take a look around.
My head feels several sizes too big.
The staircase is covered by the charred corpses of aliens. There are
black patches all over the walls. Blood and guts everywhere. The air is still
vibrant with heat.
David is holding one of the plasma rifles. He is covered in the dark
red remains of the dead. “Come on”, he urges. “Time to go.”

He helps me get to my feet. I stumble at first, I can barely feel my

legs. We manage up the stairs. David almost slips in the puddle of blood.
We make it to the top of the stairs before I start gagging. The air is
so hot. The stench of burnt flesh is everywhere. Unbearable. I slide out of
David’s grip, leaning against the wall with one hand. I puke.
“Fuck.”

His hand on my shoulder. He waits until I’m finished.

“You ok?”

I can’t answer. I remain leaned against the wall, spitting and coughing.

His hand leaves my shoulder. I can hear him stumble back down the
stairs.
Don’t leave, I try to say, but I can’t make the words come out. Cold
streams flow through my body. I can’t lift my head. The smell of death and
flesh is overwhelming. My head is pounding. How long was I gone?

David is back. I can sense him on my left.

“What were you thinking?” He’s furious. The kind of furious that
means he’s scared.

I try to answer. “I … I just …”

He won’t wait for my reply. “Come on”, he says, grabbing my
arm again. We continue down a new corridor. I can make out strange,
multicolored patterns all over the walls, but keep my eyes to the ground.

Our feet make disgusting sounds as we walk, leaving a trail of our
attackers’ insides. I spit and gag, the taste of vomit filling my mouth.
Finally we stop. I try to raise my head. There appears to be a door in
front of us.
David smacks something into my palm. Rosalyn’s handle. She is
greasy with alien fluids.
We stand in front of the door for a while, catching our breath. David
is tense. I can tell that he wants to yell at me, but is holding it in. This only
makes me angry. I keep my eyes firmly locked to the ground.
“You have to be more careful, Do’.” He’s using his deliberate,
controlled tone, the one I hate the most. “You can’t just rush in like that.”

“I … “

Why are you scolding me? My mind is reeling. Stop scolding me.
“I – I just wanted to do a good job!” I stammer. My face is getting
warm. I still can’t meet his eyes. I don’t want him to see me like this.

It feels like he’s going to say something else, but then he sighs.

“Yeah. Never mind. You got us through. Just cut the bullshit, okay?
This is dangerous stuff.”
I finally manage to look up. His eyes are scanning me, pupils huge
and dark. His face has a streak of red across its left.

“What do we do now?” I say.

He shrugs. “I suppose we should walk through this door.”

I look away, then back at him, unsure if I should ask. I don’t want
him to scold me again.

“Should we reload?” I manage to say.

He’s not looking at me anymore but at the door, sizing it up. “Yeah.”
He throws the stolen rifle to his side, reaching in his pocket for the paper bag.
I try to contain a smile.
*
David
“Brother.”
The voice is barely more than a whisper. I realize that I’ve been
staring at the TV for a while without registering the content. Something
about a rhinoceros running amuck at some lakeside hotel. If the story is
fiction or documentary, I cannot tell.

“What is it?”

“Are you awake?”

I look to my left. She’s lying curled up on her side, she, too, watching
the screen. Her bare feet are the only thing sticking out from under the
blanket.

“Yes, I’m here.”

She doesn’t say anything else. I watch her lay there motionless, feet
clenched, toes curled. If she’s breathing, she hides it well.
I turn my eyes back to the TV. The images are rapid, disoriented. The
rhino is now nowhere to be seen. I blink, then blink again. I can’t make sense
of the show.
I yawn. It’s a long night, and the room is warm. I feel ready to nod
off. The espresso cups are empty on the table. I follow my sister’s lead,
curling up on my side of the couch. For a long while we are just lying there,
not speaking. In the silence of the room, you’d think my sister’s breathing
would be more noticeable. But her breaths are so discreet as to be almost
dismissible as a trick of the mind. Even so, I find it calming to listen for them
in the darkness. The light of the TV flickers, it’s white and artificial.
Just as I am about to drift off again, there is a warm weight on me.
I glance at my sister. She’s slid unnoticed over to my side of the couch,
spreading across my chest. She meets my eyes, saying nothing.
For a second, none of us is breathing. I look back into her eyes,
seemingly watching me with perfect clarity. Her body is warm against my
chest and stomach. Neither she nor I seem to know what to do next.
She looks down, burying her face in my chest. I pat her hair
awkwardly, still not completely registering what’s happening.
“Brother”, she says, her voice muffled in the folds of my shirt, “I
can’t decide which one of us is dreaming tonight.”