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#Poem Nothing adds up to you

I miss you
like days without food
like standing without a spine
like darkness
like when a boat on the horizon gets far away
when flower-bulbs in the garden don’t survive winter
when the tomcat kills the robin
when the internet is down
when I’ve walked for 5 hours and the café is shut
like when you spend decades waiting
and for each new minute a bayonet twists in your guts
and your heart is so tired it struggles to pump
and your thoughts are lumpy
slushed-up chunks of history relived like it was now
like climbing up a well-shaft, slipping, climbing
waking mid-sleep in horror, panic, wordless panic
lost on the moors
off-land, too tired to swim home
like the first time drunkenness takes control
like a detached page from an old diary, day-less, year-less
like dead cut-flowers in a vase
like you’re out in the sun but it turns cold and dark
like there’s so very much to say
but people have sat on the next bench