Princess Kennedy: PK Gets an ID

I know that all of you are completely aware of my trans-identification, but in October, I will need you to prove it to me by either making out with me, or letting me fondle your junk at the club—just to make sure that you’re aware of my mere existence. That being said, I wanted to make you aware of a really fucked up issue that we as a trans community have to deal with––one that has been making the headlines as of late and is pretty serious.

To do anything on this planet, you have to have legal identification, such as a passport, driver’s license or State ID. It seems that in this pretty great state, the motherfuckers at the Driver License Division have decided that if you are trans identified in any way, you don’t deserve a state-issued ID, and that, my fellow sympathizers, is FUCKED UP.

I will go after anyone like a mad bitch who tries to argue with me over how I identify. This is my fucking body, and only I get to choose who I am. If I tell you that I have a cock, but my brain is all pussy, I totally understand if you don’t get it, but god help you if I hear you say it’s wrong. From the Mormon perspective, in the eyes of god, my trans-gender identification makes me worse than a murderer. I have reached the end of my rope with this whole focus on the “right and wrong” of one’s personal identification. In fact, it is largely the belief of the trans community that the whole male/female distinction on IDs should be done away with.

As the story goes, last spring a beautiful transgender woman, who had not gone through the process of legally changing her identity, was at the DMV waiting to renew her ID. When it came time for her photo, the man behind the counter asked her to please follow him into a back room where she was told that in order to get an ID, she had to go wash her eye make-up off and pull her hair back, as it was assumed she was trying to change her appearance. I was consumed with rage when I heard this.

When I first moved here, I had my ID passed around at a liquor store. One girl went so far as to ask me how I got away with it. My reply was, “Give me back my ID you stupid fucking cunt.” I grabbed it out of her hands and was forcibly removed by the manager of the store. I’m convinced those fuckers were going to try to keep it. My Cali ID has just expired and I need to get a new one. I hoped that because this is a partial Nazi state, the fact I’m REALLY pretty, with long blonde hair, blue eyes and great at passing, I would just be ushered through with the kind of red carpet treatment I feel I deserve.

Before venturing to get my new ID, I attended a meeting of concerned citizens—both trans and cis gendered—who were discussing whether or not DLD employees should be required to receive diversity training. There were a lot of emotions at the meeting, and many more horror stories of people being asked for documents that didn’t exist or being forced out by police and humiliated in front of large crowds. This is wrong and demoralizing, and if it doesn’t stop, what are we going to have to face next? All I’m asking is to have some form of ID to be able to identify my dead, fag-bashed body.

Initially, I was going to go to the DMV dressed as Cruella Deville and stir some shit up, when I remembered the piece of paper that I got at the meeting: From the DLD book of policy written in bold, as follows, “At no time will an applicant be photographed when it appears that they are purposely altering their appearance in any way that would misrepresent their identity.”

I decided to test the logic behind this policy. I wanted to see exactly what kind of baboonanny we were dealing with. Instead of visiting the DMV in the over-the-top female drag of Cruella Deville, I decided to dress in male drag and channel the douche bag look. I got one of my handmade, film quality man-wigs in light brown and styled it in a Justin Bieber. I bought a pair of brown dime-store contacts and went and got a padded man chest from Pibs. I wore a polo shirt and a white coral necklace and guess what—those retards at the DMV pushed me right through! Without realizing it, I cracked Homeland Security—dress like a douche bag that goes to the Huka Lounge and you’re in!

This ID will go in the shredder and instead I shall get my California ID renewed. In California, if they tried that shit, they would get sued! Just a warning DLD—the people are on the rise and your days of ignorance are numbered.