OK, this is a biggy. I’m nervous just typing this.

I almost copped out and called this post ‘Why I’m cutting back on binge drinking’ or ‘Why I might just get drunk every now and again’. But believe it my friends, because I mean it. This isn’t just another hangover-fuelled declaration of sobriety, but for reals.

Let me tell you why.

The gut wrenching burden known as ‘The Guilt Trip’ and I, have been acquaintances for some time now. It usually rears its ugly head after a night of pizza and chocolate, shopping trips or days without exercise. I’ve dealt with these feelings and that’s a story for another day, but the surprising thing is that up until 10 months ago, I never felt guilty after a big night out. Drinking and partying have always been my ‘vice’ and I’ve always allowed it to be so. Doesn’t everyone need their vice? Plus, it was fun!

Long story short, I’ve been drinking alcohol since I was 13.

So that’s ahhh, half my lifetime. And like a lot of Aussies, mostly bingeing on the weekends. For someone who has suffered serious liver inflammation, it surprises even me how many black-out drunk nights I’ve had. Or how many drugs I’ve taken. My family and friends are big drinkers; I’ve always said ‘Oh, it’s just what we do.’

Let’s catch up for a beer, meet you at the pub, I’ll bring a bottle of wine, maybe two. Have you got any pills? Are they any good? OK, just some speed or caps for me.

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It goes without saying that there is an abundance of health problems related to alcohol and long term heavy drinking, but some of the facts definitely hit home more than others.

Believe me, I’m not preaching, just finally listening.

For example, it’s been brought to my attention that alcohol is the most common cause of death for females in Australia aged 25-44 and is heavily linked to an increased risk of breast cancer in women of all ages. This scares me.

So does the damage alcohol can do to your fertility; heavy drinking affects a woman’s menstrual cycle and ovulation. And for the boys, alcohol causes a reduction of testosterone levels in the blood, not to mention *ahem* poor performance levels in the bedroom. Yes?

On a more personal level, alcohol dependancy played a very large part in the deterioration of my Dad’s family in the form of relationship breakdown, financial burden, depression, disease and death.

Over the years, I’ve lied to boyfriends about taking drugs, spent entire weeks of pay at the pub and made mistakes while wasted that have really hurt people. Way back in the day, I’d drink from Friday afternoon to Sunday night non-stop because I didn’t want the party to end. I’ve rocked up to work on an hours sleep or even worse, driven myself hours down the highway, still high, on no sleep whatsoever. And none of this was out of the ordinary at the time.

I thought it was all wonderfully rebellious.

And I’ve watched as people close to me have literally changed personalities from abuse of drugs and alcohol. There’s a dark side to all the boozing, partying and piss-ups.

Call it getting old or needing a detox, but last April I decided to have a month off getting drunk. Not drinking all together, just not getting wasted. And you know what, it was great. I got stuff done and it felt awesome. I was hangover free for about 6 weeks and can say in all honesty, that was a big deal.

I got a solid taste of what it could be like to be someone who doesn’t get pissed every Saturday night. Helloooo farmer’s markets, more money in the bank, picnics, clearer skin and eyes, breakfast dates and enough energy for early Monday morning yoga.

For awhile it was great. Really great. But then I started to get anxious.

I would become stressed before meeting up with mates because I knew there would be temptation to drink. I started avoiding social occasions. I didn’t trust myself because I knew deep down, I was afraid of missing out. I gave myself a number of drinks I was allowed to have before going out, but it rarely worked.

I had a few (OK, more than a few) BIG nights. Black-out, don’t-know-how-I-got-home nights. Or who I kissed nights. Which used to be fun, but suddenly weren’t. And the more I tried to focus on not drinking, the more they would happen.

I spent far too many Mondays at work last year, drinking detox tea and juice-fasting to cleanse my body from the weekend.

My beautiful friends kept telling me not to be so hard on myself, but it was too late.
Mr. Guilt Trip had reared his ugly head once again, and I remember the exact morning I woke up thinking ‘Yep, now it’s alcohol too… Crap.’

I bawled my eyes out to my Mum that night, because I was shit scared. I knew I wanted to stop, but I didn’t know how. I was so afraid of what would happen if I stopped drinking.

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I was afraid of losing friendships.

I was afraid of not being able to connect with people anymore.

I was afraid of not being the fun, social person I become after a few wines.

I was afraid of becoming boring and losing my identity.

I was afraid of not having the confidence to talk to cute boys. (Or that I’d never even meet cute boys if I wasn’t at the pub!)

I was afraid of not being able to relate to my siblings.

I was afraid of spending real time alone, just me and my thoughts.

I was afraid of what people would think of me.

I was afraid I would fail.

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Enter Tara Bliss. As my beautiful life coach for the past 8 months, one of the biggest lesson I’ve learnt from this fear-busting mega babe, is the importance of simultaneously apologising to and forgiving yourself. Not to have regrets or feel guilty, but show yourself some compassion and understanding.

It takes time to change, to face your fears and move forward.

And in this time, sure I’ve occasionally slipped up and accidentally had a bit more to drink than I’d intended, but I’ve been kinder to myself and ever so gently, nudging myself back on track. It’s all a process and it’s just one step at a time.

And most importantly, it’s not about perfection. Right now, I have no desire to seek total sobriety; I’d rather sanctuary.

So this week marks the end of week 2 of the Party Girls’ Guide to Peace, Tara’s 6 week e-course to turn from tequilatotranquility. Sure I could do this process on my own (and I’ve well and truly begun), but it’s much more fun being surrounded by other like-minded, gorgeous and supportive humans who are chasing the same freedom, radiance, peace, health and love. Power of community peeps. You can find out more about this here.

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I’m looking forward to more time for writing, reading, travelling, playing, creating. I’m looking forward to having complete power over my choices. Finding more meaning. Trying new things. Get this, I went stand up paddle boarding (SUP) last Sunday! So much better than being totally hung with a killer headache to boot.

But hey, maybe you don’t feel the way I do right now and drunken shenanigans are still the highlight of your week or month? That’s totallysweet, I’m not here to tell you what to do and I ain’t coming from no place of judgment. Enjoy I say!

But maybe you have considered what it would be like if the distraction of alcohol wasn’t confining you to the pub on Saturdays and the couch with KFC on Sundays.

Maybe you have even begun to imagine the life you could create for yourself.

Imagine being comfortable enough with yourself and your life that you didn’t need to get drunk to relax or have fun, to be yourself, to connect, to live and to love. Imagine finding that there is so much more potential for all of these things, without booze.

So here it is folks. I’m ready.

I will never get drunk or take drugs again. No more energy drinks, shots, sculling or hangovers. I’m done with the guilt, the regrets, the anxiety, the partying, the come downs, the waste and the bullshit.

Hell, give me a couple of cold beers on a hot and sunny afternoon, a wine with cheese and catch-up chats or a whiskey with my sis, but I’m done with the rest.

41 Comments

Fabulous post Claire! I love your honesty and openness. I too have had a similar journey and I’m pleased to say my getting drunk days are well and truely over. It’s been a month since I last had a drink and I feel great for it – super clear and happy. That’s not to say I won’t have a drink again, I work for a wine company so I appreciate a nice glass now and then. What I won’t be doing is wasting my weekends being hungover and sick. The Party Girl’s Guide to Peace came along at the perfect time for me, I now see the opportunites available when we love and respect our bodies enough not to numb pain with booze. Thank you for sharing your journey, looking forward to delving into week 3 with you xxx

Thanks Amy!! This has all happened at the perfect time for me too and what a pleasure it has been sharing it with you! Hell yes to opportunities, honesty, love and respect. Thank you so much for stopping by babe xx.

What an ABSOLUTE privilege it has been Claire Bear, working by your side. It’s quite a journey we’ve been on together so far, and to watch you grow and change with every week is humbling and inspiring. I admire you babe!

Ahhhh beautiful, words will never express just how much you have done for me on this journey together. It has been such a pleasure and I cannot thank you enough. This is Lifeblood would never have existed without your support and encouragement so a million trillion billion thank yous to you xx.

Claire, this is wonderful stuff, well done. I have had a really hard week and haven’t been online much but I wanted to thank you – if not for you I wouldn’t have found all this and Tara and this feeling of wanting to get myself sorted out. xx

Oh Trish, I am SO glad that you are apart of this beautiful community, it’s a pleasure to share it with you and I am so happy you could connect to the post. Remember to take all the time you need on your journey. Thank you for stopping by xx.

What a gorgeous post! It truly is a beautiful thing to acknowledge and embrace our essence without the boos & hangovers. You share an amazing journey that so many people can identify with, including myself, and gettin’ on the The Party Girl’s Guide to Peace train is a brilliant partner to help sweep the rest of the cobwebs from these past times from underneath us so we can fully step into our essence and rock out with that beautiful confidence. Nothing more sexy that that! x

Claire this is amazing, some of these words taken straight out of my own head and heart!
Thank you for sharing, for inspiring and for living with such awesome authenticity so that others feel empowered to do the same.
xx Lisa.

Lovely Claire, what an amazing post! Well done! Your so beautifully open and honest about it all – love it! It takes courage to do what your doing, your on such an amazing journey and can’t wait to see you flourish. I have to say PGG2P has been seriously life changing for me. I’m so happy were doing this together. Thanks for sharing your experiences so honestly and openly! xxxx

Oh what a beautiful and inspiring post to read – especially on a Friday afternoon! 😉 I too have been cutting back on my previously wild days and feeling so much the better for it, not just physically but emotionally. It seems the booze we thought was liberating us was actually holding us back from our full potential. Wishing you all the health and happiness in the world, Claire. xx

I couldn’t possibly relate to this post more! As someone who has just given up binge drinking and hitting the clubs to ‘take myself down’ i am so happy this little bit of positive inspiration has come my way! I have the same fears as you so it’s good to know i’m not the only one thinking them.
Thank you! xox

Megan, you gorgeous thing. I just read your post – what a brave, courageous thing you have done putting that out there! I can tell you now, this is the catalyst for you finally ending this phase in your life. I tried to leave a comment but I’m not sure it worked. Let me know x

Thanks for this fabulous post Claire! I too have been on a similar journey of late and I can relate to many of the fears, as well as the ridiculously amazing benefits, that you speak of. Good luck on your journey!

Absolute genuine, truthful, no bs say it as it is post. You are a special soul. I have just recently discovered “This is Lifeblood” through Sal’s fb page so am grateful to have come across it. I just love your passion, how you connect with people, your knowledge & love of life. Your words I’m sure ring true to many others out there. Amazing lady! Hugs to you xox

I can so relate to this post. I gave up binge drinking about 6 months ago. I’ve done it since age 16 and it all finally came to a head when I drank a bottle of champagne on an empty stomach, went out and spent an hour or so on the toilet floor with my head on over the bowl. My friend organisized my new male housemate to come and pick me up and we had to stop half way home while I jumped from the car, hand over mouth and vomited on the side of the road. I knew then that something had to give. All those years of using alcohol as a crutch for my self esteem had to end…at age 44. I haven’t been drunk since then. I still have the occasional drink it two but like you, I prefer to use my time fruitfully, promoting my health and Wellbeing ??

[…] love it, but I totally enjoy a couple of glasses of wine when I feel like it. I just don’t binge drink. I’m the first one on the brie on a cheese board and 85% Lindt chocolate is a pantry staple. […]

Hey Claire 🙂 I gave up drinking about nine months ago, and when there was an occasion to drink, if absolutely nessecary (ie. peer pressure) I would have no more than 2 standard drinks and always be ok to drive home. That was my rule and in six months I drank ONCE a month, 2x standard drinks maximum – thats 12 standard drinks over 6 whole months! And I was so happy, I wished it was zero drinks, but I had to have some to give my friends time to adjust to my changes. I gave up for many reasons, because I didnt need it, I didnt want to anymore, if people couldnt talk to me sober at a party or event then I dont need them in my life, I wanted to be healthy – and a huge one – my late husband died as a result of a drink driving accident. After his death I turned to alcohol to numb my pain every now and then to try and forget what I was going through and just dance a night away and laugh again, but then I came to hate it because it took his life in the end and I knew I didnt need to drink after what it did to him. But my biggest one is that I wanted to start a family with my amazing new man and was ready to become someone who doesnt need to drink and I didnt want to ‘pine’ for it as a mother, just get on without it like a queen. Now I am 4 months pregnant and I am absolutely LOVING the fact that now people ACCEPT that I CANT drink. I let them think what they want, that im pregnant and I bet I wish I was drinking too etc etc. But im SOOO glad im not. And once I am a mum, there truly will be no more peer pressure from anyone, because society says its ok as a mother to be sober! Its ok as a pregnant woman to be sober – but as a girl in her 30’s – people will continue to peer pressure you, even if they dont mean to hurt you. Stay strong I say and follow your heart! Who needs alcohol! I would much rather enjoy a sneaky food treat in leiu of an alcopop! Good on you for doing it, it is an wonderful, empowering thing to do! I hope Sam and your family are well, its been a while since we spoke! (I got married! OMG! And as a pregnant bride, I was happily sober on my wedding day – hows that for huge) Lots of Love Courtney Fox (Courtney Noble) xoxox

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