Mike Huckabee Says He Would’ve Faked Being Trans To Shower With Girls

Is Mike Huckabee actually running for President? Because holy crap, that man is making a heck of a lot of terrible mistakes early on in the campaign. It’s almost like he physically cannot remove his foot from his mouth. From being “appalled” that the Obamas let their teenage daughters listen to Beyoncé, to defending Josh Duggar, to whatever on earth this latest thing is supposed to be.

In a speech given earlier this year at the 2015 National Religious Broadcasters Convention in Nashville, Tennessee (but uploaded to World Nut Daily over the weekend), Huckabee made some pretty idiotic statements about how trans people are definitely a threat to children (begins at 17:47).

“For those who do not think that we are under threat, simply recognize that the fact that we are now in city after city watching ordinances say that your seven-year-old daughter, if she goes into the restroom cannot be offended and you can’t be offended if she’s greeted there by a 42-year-old man who feels more like a woman than he does a man.”

Does Mike Huckabee think that trans women just go around looking and dressing like Mike Huckabee? How does he think this works? Has he bothered to Google? Also, there are no laws banning being “offended.” I, myself, have been offended in many a public restroom. You can be as offended as you like, by whatever you like. You do not, however, get to go around telling people they cannot use the correct restroom because you don’t understand how being trans works.

For what it’s worth, why are you letting your seven year-old daughter go into the bathroom by herself anyway if you’re so worried? What? You don’t think someone born with a vagina could molest or steal your daughter? Quite frankly, it seems we all need to be a tad more worried about people like Josh Duggar and Dennis Hastert than we do about trans people wanting to pee. That, I am going to say, is pretty far down on the list of things anyone needs to be worrying about.

Of course, this being a speech by Mike Huckabee, it gets worse!

“Now I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.’ You’re laughing because it sounds so ridiculous doesn’t it?”

LOL, Mike Huckabee. LOL, indeed. For what it’s worth, I don’t actually remember anyone being entirely naked in the high school girls locker room anyway. I, for one, mastered the art of changing in and out of my gym clothes without anyone even seeing my underwear.

For real though. What Mike Huckabee is saying is that he would have gladly endured the bullying and torment that likely would have come from identifying as trans in high school — particularly in the era in which he attended — in order to be able to look at some naked girls taking showers. That doesn’t seem like the world’s best trade-off to me. It also seems like Mike Huckabee sounds like far more of a predator here than any trans person you’re going to meet. If anything, it is bizarrely cruel to reduce someone’s gender identity to a joke about what a scamp you were in high school.

It’s a little curious that Huckabee is perfectly fine with defending a person who has actually molested children, and is perfectly fine with rocking out with Ted Nugent (who writes songs about handcuffing “jailbait” teenagers and gang-raping them with cops), but is ever so concerned about people who haven’t but whom he thinks might because of their gender identity.

Let’s think about this. In the history of the world do we even know of one incident of a person going out of their way to pretend to be trans in order to either look at women showering or to molest children? No, we don’t. That’s not a thing.

Statistically, there are way the hell more very holy and religious people out there using their positions to sexually assault people and children and to then cover it up. We hear about them all the time, and odds are pretty damn good that we’ll hear about at least 100 more before anyone hears about a someone pretending to be trans in order to stare down some girls in a locker room. Does that mean we ban religion? Really, Mike Huckabee, how do I explain Dennis Hastert and Josh Duggar to my hypothetical and non-existent children?

Do people lie in order to do terrible things? Sure! Ted Bundy used to pretend to have a broken arm in order to get his victims to help him with groceries so he could kidnap and murder them. Does that mean we ban casts and slings?

These people, Huckabee and those like him–they’re not concerned about “the children.” They could give a flying fuck about “the children,” as clearly evidenced by their lack of interest in social polices that actually benefit “the children.” They are bigots looking for anything they can think of to justify their own bigotry, and to ensure that said bigotry doesn’t die when they do. It would be sad if it weren’t so enraging.