Scotland’s Pendulously Breasted, Shroud Washing, Harbinger of Death

So lots of cultures have harbingers of death, Ireland’s got it’s Banshees, The Southern US has Mothmen… But Scotland has one of the more unique ones in the Bean Nighe. Translated as Washer Woman, this ghostly female character is usually spotted along rivers, lochs or fjords, quietly weeping, and entrenched in the act of washing a set of death shrouds in the water. In the simplest tellings the shrouds are usually meant for the person who stumbles upon the beast or at least a member of that persons family.

Now if you like your beast lore to get weird as hell, chock full of nipple torture and super odd drawn out power plays, you’ll enjoy the following:

In more complex tellings, the Bean Nighe has large pendulous breast that get in the way of her washing duties (dooooo your boobs hang low….), So she does what any right minded and long boobed person would do when faced with said obstacle and slings them back over her shoulders. Now comes the weird part. If a person is capable of sneaking up behind the Bean Nighe without notice and manages to suckle or latch onto one of the backwards slung boobies (I had to, the rhythm was all wrong with just “boobs”) well then the Bean Nighe will be forced to tell the person who the shrouds are for, and depending on the telling and i guess the length of the latching and ferocity of the nipple play? Sometimes the entire upcoming death can be averted or at least delayed.

For those who never read the above (though you probably should), here’s your bulleted descriptors:

Usually described as a ghostly older woman or hag

Frequents edges of rivers, lochs and fjords

Sometimes she’s nude sometimes clothed but she’s always washing something in the water

That something she’s washing is almost always a death shroud of someone who’s soon to die

Some tellings describe long pendulous breasts that she drapes back over her shoulders

Our judge this round was Christian Peña aka Chrispy: Dark surrealist artist from Chicago, a jack of trades that likes to party and that guy who won the sideshow drawing contest. Check out his work here!

Dang, it was hard to choose one because there were so many different elements I liked from others. But in the end I went with entry #12, falling over her own boobs. It’s so full of suspense! It reminds me of the times I fall and save my beer. You know you’re gonna get hurt anyhow, but that save in the end makes the pain go away. It’s like success in the face of failure. What cracks me up is that she probably trip and fell over her own bwebs. Aah, that’s life, sometimes we are the obstacles in our path. It also makes you cringe seeing her legs bent up in the air, she hit that floor full force. Her squishy eyes cover the full impact of her fall and the only thing that keeps her cool is knowing those clean cashmere knickers did not hit the dirty ground.

Disagree if you must but know that judgement is law and to the winner a shirt will go…. And even though the contest is done we’ll always welcome new Bean Nighe drawings for the archives! So draw on and remember, 25 beasts drawn earns you a shirt!

Oooh with the running tears it almost gives a lil insane clown feel, like maybe she’s washing some shrouds in Faygo! Great over the shoulder depiction….And is that a tiny rabbit person running out of her butt? I certainly hope so!

Haha, man the kid ones always get me… They remind us of all the things we’ve forgotten… I mean you have giant winglike boobs (or boobies in this case) why wouldn’t you at least try and fly with them? And I’m leaving the KFC reference mystery to all of you to figure out!

Look at the thoughtful forearm placement! Not sure if its the negative space, the giant eyes or the straight legged sitting posture but this one takes me on a little emotional roller coaster… at first glance it seems prettily somber, almost leaning on sad, but then you dig into those playful toes and fingers and you gotta smile… nicely played!

Oh holy hell! that boob scarf is genius! Practical, fashionable and ideally for someone standing in an icey fjord, somewhat heat retaining! And I love that pretty much every wrinkle in that body hangs sadly!

Haha! So I was just telling a story about how I worked a Rod Stewart show at poplar creek as a teen, and once that crowd got liquored, to this day, I have never felt more preyed upon! This one, with it’s beautifully detailed tentacleavage, is sorta how I remember that night!

Hey I said someone should draw a sad washing machine, and dammit that’s a pretty glum lookin’ toploader! I wonder if it’s the knowing about future deaths aspect or the fact that, like most folks… it just really doesn’t wanna do another load!

Hahaha, so I have no idea who the talking heads are, but dammit I love it! and such a freaking good haggish schnoz! Plus it’s good to see even future knowing beasts loose a sock in the wash on occasion!

Oh man that’s exactly what my posture’s gonna look like in a few more years! I kinda love that its got werewolfy forearm hands and while i know its supposed to be disguised as a jean short leg…. I’m pretty sure this thing has a boner!

Ouch! as you get older, you learn that running with scissors rule applies to way more than just sharp cutting instruments! Nice job keeping those tiny shrouds off the ground though! That’s a beast committed to clean!

Just cause most folks don’t like “doing the wash” doesn’t mean it has to be a somber affair! And sometimes those adorable wideset frog eyes really help to set a pleasingly swampy mood! Also great pubes!