If a man has sex with a woman before marriage;
are women portrayed as
"temptations from the devil" by
men?

Can a you be forgiven for having sex before
marriage?

Is sex before marriage a sin?

Nadja

{
Questions
about sex before marriage and our relationship
questions with God. }

Paul
replied:

Dear Nadja,

Let's answer your three questions
in the order you asked them:

I'm not sure exactly what you're
asking here, but with any temptation
to sin, the devil might be involved.
He is a liar and tempter and wants
us to fall into sin.

You can be forgiven for anything,
including sex before marriage:

if you truly repent

are sincerely sorry (with
a resolution to try never
to do it again)

and seek God's forgiveness
through the sacrament of
Confession.

Yes, sex before marriage,
which is commonly known as fornication
in the Bible,
is objectively a serious sin.
Do not be fooled by our culture
that says it is not.

Paul

Nadja
replied:

Hello, Paul —

Thank you very much for answering
my questions.

I had a boyfriend who had a very
religious family. He told them that
we had sex and that he lost his virginity
to me. I wasn't a virgin; I had sex
with one other guy.

Does that make me a whore?

His family cut off communications
between us and never want to see
me near my boyfriend ever again.

Am I viewed as a temptation
from the devil to my boyfriend?

Was this meant to happen to
me?

The incident brought about a desire
to believe in God and I went to church
for a while.
I believe that God will show me the
way to happiness again. I am truly
sorry for what I did. I never knew
it was wrong until now.

Is there a way to get your virginity
back?

God bless you very much!

Thank you so much.

Sincerely,

Nadja

John
replied:

Hi, Nadja —

Thank you for your question.

You are not a whore!

Like many other men and women, you
gave into the temptation of sex.
I'm not justifying the sin. Rather,
I refer you to the words of Jesus
spoken to the woman caught in adultery.

Go and sin no more. John 8:11

In your case, you didn't know that
sex outside marriage was wrong, hence,
your responsibility for the sin is
less. If you are a Catholic, you
should go to Confession (often called
Reconciliation), confess your sins
and receive absolution. If you are
not Catholic, then simply ask God
to forgive you and ask Him to give
you the strength not to repeat the
sin.

Above all, remember that God is always
willing to forgive you. He wants
nothing more then to spend time with
you. He doesn't just love you from
afar, He wants to dwell inside of
you.
Instead of focusing on avoiding sin,
try developing a relationship with
God. Talk to him.
It doesn't need to be formal prayer.
Just talk to Him as you would your
friend or father; of course, listen
too. He will talk back to you. You
just need to learn to hear his voice
speaking to you in your heart of
hearts.

I hope this helps.

Under His Mercy,

John DiMascio

Nadja
replied:

Hello, John —

Thank you very much. This web site
is so great.

Thank you so much.

This is so helpful.

Nadja

John
replied:

Your welcome Nadja.

One last thing. As I was rereading
my answer I noticed I said:

Instead of focusing on avoiding
sin, try developing a relationship
with God.

I didn't mean to imply you should
not avoid sin. What I was trying
to say is that as you get closer
to God, it will become easier to
avoid sin. In other words, as we
concentrate on positive actions and
avoid negative actions, our behavior
becomes the natural thing to do and
we end up replacing vice with virtue.

God Bless. Stay in touch and let
us know how you are doing. If you
have any other questions,
or you need help finding a good church
in your area, please feel free to
contact us any time.

Under His Mercy,

John

Mary
Ann replied:

Nadja,

I would like to add that, yes, there
is a way to be a virgin again. To
be a virgin physically is a sign
that you belong to God alone (and
to yourself and your family, of course).

You can renew your dedication to
God and have a virgin heart and soul!
It is purity of heart that allows
us to see God. You might want to
read some of Christopher West's Theology
of the Body books, about the
meaning of sex in God's plan. You
will learn to value yourself as God
values you, and learn the strength
to be virginal until the day when
you commit yourself wholeheartedly
in marriage or in religious life.

Mary Ann

Nadja
replied:

Hi, Mary Ann —

Thank you very much . : )

You are very helpful.

How do you know when you are
closest to God?

Nadja

Eric
replied:

Hi, Nadja —

That can be answered a lot of ways.
I'd say one way to tell if you're
closest to God is:

when you love what God loves
and hate what God hates or,

when your desire is to know
God intimately, and love him for
who He is, and not for anything
he does for you.

You are close to God when you desire
Him above all things and nothing
else matters.

Eric

Nadja
replied:

Thank you again very much.

I've been doing great. I feel like
I'm getting closer and closer to
God everyday.
I'm so glad I came to this web site.

You guys have answered questions
I always wanted answers to.

One last question:

How do you know when God is talking
to you?

God bless you,

Nadja

Eric
replied:

The answer is, you consult a spiritual
director or spiritual father, and
share with him everything you've
allegedly heard from God and submit
to his judgment.

A quick way to determine that it
is not of God — but not a way
to verify by yourself that it is
of God — is to see if "God" tells
you to do things that are not moral,
righteous, or sensible.

It's also possible you have psychological
problems. If your friends and loved
ones express concern about your behavior,
see a psychiatrist. Get enough sleep.
Note anything dramatically different
in your life or new behaviors on
your part. Blue flashes in your eyes
could be a sign of schizophrenia.
It is very hard for someone with
a psychological problem to realize
it when they are in the midst of
it so you need to rely on other people.

Eric

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