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Thursday, 31 January 2013

Honey Boo Boo Blondies

HELLO AMIGOS.Wassap gurrrl? Its been a while... how U beeeeen?As you I am sure you have noticed by now, I am about as reliable as phone signal in the Yorkshire Dales, which, per chance, is where I spent a glorious week playing with rocks and mud in early September. For those of you who have not had the chance to grace this beautious landscape and were wondering what I have actually been doing all this time, I am finally here to quench your curiosity.

Yep, that's me in the pink.

When informing people of my choice of degree (Geography), I often receive the following responses:'So, you like rocks....?' 'So, you like maps...?''A whole degree on colouring in? ''Whats the capital of Iceland/Brazil/Australia/Mali/Sierra Leone/Uruguay?''Where actually IS Timbuktu?' 'Got yourself a fresh set of Crayolas yet?'
HAR. HAR. Please, explain to me what Rappaports Rule is, or how to calculate the drainage basin of a lake using ArcMaps or how to reconstruct Quaternary environments using marine diatoms, or even what a diatom is? Yeah? Didn't think so BITCH.

On an unrelated note...Has anybody been watching the genius that is Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?

Wise beyond her years

Now don't judge. The first two or three times I watched this show, I too
thought it was offensively trashy, the scum of reality television.

But as I watched this redneck family fling
themselves around in mud whilst preparing their youngest, Alana, for glitzy
beauty pageants, I came to realize the wisdom
of this family and even admire some of their values.

A few of my favorite lines have included:

'All that boy is
wanting is to get in your little biscuit and get a little piece then he’s
running.'

Mama June warning her girls of the
intentions of many young bachelors. Indeed Mama June, they is all after one thing.

'It's aiight, it just makes her a extra bit speshul'

Mama June on discovering her new born granddaughters
eleventh digit. No big deal, everyone deserves love.

'Couponing - it’s even
better than sex.'

Indeed, the satisfaction of
slaving over newspapers, coupon books and the internet to get the most out of ones buck, can be comparable to sexual gratification. What makes this even better? All their hard earned cash is spent beautifying and supporting Alana, otherwise known as Honey Boo Boo child, for her one true calling in life - pageants.

'I know some of it
is close to expiring, or maybe like fell off the back of a truck but pshhhh,
it's cheap.'

The families willingness to
relinquish quality food, just to help little Alana get one step closer to
her goal of winning the big crown, can only be admired. I mean, who needs nutrition when you can follow your dreamz? Right?

'Ain’t nothing wrong
with being a little gay, everyone’s a little gay'

Wise, wise words young Alana.

'Don’t tell nobody,
but all of Pumpkin’s clothes from the dumpster.'

They literally do not give a SHIT
what anybody thinks of them. Their freedom is a quality to be admired,
not scorned. Take note, we could learn a lot from Sugar Bear, Mama June
and their southern brood.

These blondies are a lil' bit of whatever you want them to be. Inspired by the Honey Boo Boo clan, they're not really sure what's going
on but they are damn delicious.

The Basics:

1 cup butter at room temp (if its straight form the fridge put it on a
low setting in the microwave for about 20 seconds)

1 cup light brown sugar

1/2 cup caster sugar

1/2 cup peanut butter

2 tsp vanilla

2 eggs

1 tsp baking soda

2 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp salt

Optional Extras:

150g Chocolate chips (dark, milk or white)

2 large chopped bananas

1 pack oreos

150g peanuts (or any other kind of nuts)

Preheat the oven to 170°C.

1. Mix the butter and peanut butter together.

Butters.

Blend em together

2. Add the vanilla and sugars. Cream together for about 10/15 mins until the mixture is a creamier texture and paler.

Hey there sugar

3. Slowly add the eggs, don't worry if the mixture curdles.

I whip my batter back and forth, I whip my batter back and forth

3. Add the flour, baking soda and salt. Unless you wish to have the complexion of casper the friendly ghost I suggest you mix it in slowly, although the choice is but your own. Try not to over beat the mixture once the flour is added as this will result in a heavier texture once baked. This rule goes for baking cakes and cupcakes too.

Peanut buttery and delicious, you could just spread this on toast?

4. Add the extras! I made these blondies as a big mush of everything I find delicious but feel free to mix it up and add and take out whatever takes your fancy. Go crazy!

Roughly chopped dark chocolate

This shit is bananas.

Crushed salted peanuts

5. I laid some Oreo pieces in the tray before I spread the mixture onto it. Do. This was a good move. Although in future, I would use whole Oreos and create a full bottom layer of Oreo instead of just a few pieces.

Cookiez?

6. Spread the mixture into a baking tray lined with baking paper and bake for about 20/30 mins. If your're not sure if they are done, stick a clean knife into them. If it comes out clean, they are cooked through.

Oven thyme.

7. Then I got all fancy. I placed halved marshmallows over the top of the cooked blondies and put the whole thing under a hot grill for a few minutes until the marshmallows were nice and toasted.

2 comments:

You have stumbled onto something here. Them people are as crazy as my own family from Georgia but, at its core, the ethos is the same from the University Club to the trailer park...what damn is given, is given for form and even then only so far.

Now I have to go to the hotel vending machine in sad attempt to assuage a craving I didn't have when I stumbled onto this blog.