Jan 11, 2010

Don't slam me for being a SAHM

Just a warning that the normally peaceful and sweet Shelly is not writing this post. The raw and outspoken Shelly is in charge. I have something to say to people who seem to have a big problem with the stay-at-home mom. If you meet someone who is a SAHM please do not say "Oh it must be nice". That is not a freakin compliment. Most people did not pay attention to what the word ASSume means. They like to assume because you are at home that your family is rolling in dough. This is not often the case for most of us. I stay home because I choose to. I am a very low-maintenance woman and do not feel like I have to have everything material. With 3 kids we would struggle worse financially if I worked. The cost of daycare/after care, arranging rides to and from school, cost of work clothing, additional fuel cost for travel and the list goes on.

Another assumption is that because I am home I have all this "free" time that I can sit around and do whatever I want. Granted, I do have more time than working moms however I utilize my time to benefit my family. I manage my home and always come up with more ideas and solutions for cutting costs without making the family feel short-changed. I do spend a good deal of time online but that has it's benefits as well. I don't just sit on the computer all day because I have no life.

I don't appreciate people asking me when I plan to go back to work or when I plan to put William in pre-school so I can get a part-time job. It's none of your damn business what my plans are. Again, please do not assume you know anything about my personal life. I really wish folks would realize that it is my choice and the choice of many others to stay at home for our children. I am sorry if I offended you but I just had to say what I needed. Please feel free to give your input on this subject whether you are a SAHM or if you work.

20 comments

Preach on Shelly. If I had gone back to work, where would we have been when I had to pull Marty from school? Frankly, I almost think it is more important to be home and be available once the kids are school age. They need you so badly at that point.

As for the financial aspect, Vic and I ran the figures and I would have to pull down between 35 and 40 thousand to BREAK EVEN if I went back to work. People don't even stop to consider the costs of working (btw, don't forget being knocked into a higher tax bracket because both spouses work).

Kuddos for a well written post. I have to 100% agree. Daycare is outrageous and it's one of the reasons I'm trying to make what I can by working from home part-time. Not to mention the fact that there are no jobs around here! LOL

I couldn't agree with you more. I'm not a stay at home mom, per say. I have a godson, but he doesn't live with me - he lives with his biological parents and visits me. I don't work - I'm a full time student. My fiance works to support us both. I'm not lazy, but between Joshua's work & my school, we go through $50-75 IN GAS!! So, me working would just increase that bill.I love that you posted this! You couldn't be more right.

GREAT GREAT GREAT post!! I agree with you 100% I am a SAHM too. I have 14 month old twin daughters and financially daycare didn't make sense it was MORE than our mortgage.Thanks for taking the time to write this post!!

Wow! I like this side of you, it makes you more real to me.. I was beginning to think you were to nice :)I couldn't be a SAHM in many ways. #1- I, personally, don't have the patience to. #2- I make most of the money that pays for pretty much everything #3- I like getting away, even for work, #4- I love the feeling when I come home to my family and I have missed them, instead of trying to get away from them.

There are those of us who can do it, and there are those of us who can't. Why judge? You couldn't have written that better. My hat's off to all the SAHM's, props to you because lord knows what would happen if I attempted it :)

I am loving this post. I follow you on twitter and that is how I found it. I am a SAHM to 3 children as well. Like you, I can't afford daycare or anything even if I worked. We would be more in the whole with money than we are. It just makes sense to stay at home and be happy to be around the kids rather than pay almost my whole paycheck in daycare. I like you have people asking me about going back to school or getting a job. I just shrug them off. I just wanted to tell you that this post hits the nail head on. I think most SAHM feels this way. Thanks for voicing your opinion.

Hell, we can't even manage the house and both me & Greg are at home now. I used to think that SAHMs were spoiled brats (manly the ones with "allowance" whinnin' cause hubby wasn't home more). But yea, story for another day. I've realized the costs of both parties working. It's rough... Don't ask me about going back to school, you will get your head straight biten off!

Oooh, you touched a nerve! =) Before we had Ari I did the math - if I went back to work, I would have been going to work to pay for Ari's daycare. No more, no less. And I didn't go through a horrible pregnancy so someone else could raise my daughter. People who ask me when/if I'm going back to work don't realize what my life is like. So I educate them. For example, they wouldn't know that my husband would never see us awake if I went back to work because our work schedules would conflict so badly. What kind of life is that? Being a SAHM has its moments...but it's a blessing to be able to stay at home and take care of the household. I want Ari in daycare but not so that I can work - but so that she can socialize and learn. (Then I'll be able to clean the house and maybe get some sleep before we start thinking about child #2)

GIRL! You better TELL IT! I get it double because I've worked for myself for the past 10 years...in just the past 5 I added SAHM to that (though now my kids are in school...but still) When people hear you have your own business you are automatically on easy street! Um...NOT! Nice "vent"...and it's not even Wednesday!

Omg, being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job in the world. And this is from a full time working mom!!!! The weekends and evenings alone with the babe totally drain me - I couldn't imagine having the stamina/energy/creativity/patience to be at home every day 24/7 with my almost-toddler. I feel like I wouldn't be able to stimulate and entertain him like he deserves to be, as I'm way too lazy and unoriginal. So my hats off to any parent who is able to do that, as well as balance a household and role as wife. Its always shocking to me when people minimize the role of the stay-at-home mom... very naive and ignorant, is what it is.

I hate when some stay at home mothers act like they are better than working mothers. Like we working mothers are selfish and are neglecting our children's well-being. There are SAHMs who don't do such a good job at home. Whose to say who is right or better. You do what is best for you and your family. Tired of this competition.I was not able to stay home. I probably would have still did something if I was able to stay at home. I went crazy when I was laid off and was at home for 10 months.

Oh, Shelly, you are soooooo right on target! I've raised 6 children and worked my butt off. Our youngest starts kindergarten next year, and even though I own two profitable online businesses, people are asking if I'm going to give up my "hobby" and get a real job next year. Um...no. But I probably won't be driving a new car OR going on an expensive vacation, either. My choice, not theirs!! (Thanks. Needed to vent.)

Speak Shelly!!! I absolutely agree I get it alot and it pisses me the hell off. I think people think the SAH life is easy. Sure we dont have some of the pressures as far as getting up daily and going to work but taking care of children and the home is no easy feat. I heard it the other day from a friend saying that I should get a outside job to get out the house. I said for what so that I can use my whole check for daycare or so that my kids don't get a chance to see me along with there dad I mean its bad enough he is gone not by choice. I always feel that one of the parents in the household has to be flexible where there are children involved.

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