A look back at everyone’s favorite: The Police Blotter

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The idea behind it is to find humor in certain behavior. And in an effort to avoid making fun of anyone (just the behavior) long ago, former editor Chuck Diggle chose not to mention names or descriptions that might give someone’s identity away (although perfectly legal to do so).

The format has changed ever so slightly through the years, but the comedy is still right there. Take a look back at these excerpts written by Chuck Diggle Nov. 27, 1998, that include his personal commentary.

Police blotter

A traffic collision was reported on Nov. 17 around 6:45 p.m. Officers arrived at the scene at the Highway 17 frontage road near Anna Knapp Boulevard, to find that a head-on collision had occurred. Amazingly, both drivers were fine. The victim, a local woman, said she was driving south when a green Bronco driven by the suspect, a 49-year-old local man, came the other way. She said the suspect crossed the center line into her lane and struck her head-on. An officer spoke to the suspect, who smelled of an alcoholic beverage and was unsteady on his feet. He performed field sobriety tests and failed. During the alphabet recitation, when asked to recite from “D” to “P,” he said, “D, E, F, G, H, G, H, I, J, G, J ... (unintelligible) ... K, L, M, N, O, G, P.”

(He likes “G,” doesn’t he? Obviously he doesn’t know the alphabet. Heck, from the accident, it’s apparent he doesn’t know his left from his right either. To the pokey with him! – CD)

The suspect was arrested and taken to jail. He blew a .14 percent on the breathalyzer. Both drivers refused medical treatment.

A disturbance was reported at Wando High School on Nov. 18 around 11:30 a.m. A school official told officers that the suspect, a 17-year-old local youth, had caused a disruption by standing up in the middle of class and calling his teacher obscene names. While taking the report, the officers observed the suspect curse and heard him tell the teacher to “stick it up ... (Well, you get the idea – CD) ...” The youth was very disruptive in the officer’s presence and he told the officer that he would cuss out any teacher who gave him a hard time and that teachers “p---ed him off.”

An officer on patrol on Nov. 21 around 11:30 p.m. noticed a car sitting stationary in the turn lane off Longpoint Road onto Needlerush Parkway. As the officer approached, the driver turned her headlights off, so the officer did a U-turn as the car began to pull away and turn into the Longpoint subdivision. The officer flipped on his blue lights and pulled the car over. Inside, he could see a man and a woman in heated discussion. He approached the driver, a 21-year-old local woman, and asked if they were having problems. The suspect said, “We’re just having a lovers’ quarrel.” The officer then noticed the strong smell of an alcoholic beverage and saw a cooler on the floorboard beneath the passenger’s feet.

He asked the passenger, a 28-year-old local man, what was in the cooler. The man replied, “A couple of beers.” Inside were three unopened beers.

The couple said they were coming from a party and that they’d been in an argument, but they were fine. The officer still noticed that the woman smelled of an alcoholic beverage and that her speech was slurred, and she had difficulty maintaining her balance.

Asked how much she’d drank that evening, she said she’d had a couple.

She was asked to perform field sobriety tests, which she could not satisfactorily pass. During one test, she was asked again how much she’d drank and she said none. Her boyfriend then piped up, saying, “I was kissing her at the party, that’s why she smells like beer.”

(Yeah! And when you ate that steak last week and then kissed her, she smelled like a herd of cattle? I think not, Professor Plum. – CD.) After failing several more tests, she admitted that she’d had “about five or six beers” and said, “you’ve busted me, go ahead and take me to jail.” She then turned and put her hands behind her back. After being informed there were two more tests to perform (and failing them, too) she was then arrested for DUI and taken to jail, where she blew a .12 percent on the breathalyzer. As all this was going on, another officer had arrived and was speaking with the boyfriend. After an open bottle of beer was found in the car, he was asked if it was his. He replied, “The only thing I’m saying is that the bottle is not the driver’s and I don’t know who the bottle belongs to.” The officer then pointed out that other than the driver, he was the only one in the car, at which point Sherlock refused to make any further comments. He was issued a citation for Open Container.

While on patrol on Nov. 23, around 3 a.m., an officer was driving down Highway 17 at the speed limit of 45 mph. As he watched, a Jeep passed him in the other lane. He paced the vehicle at 52 mph for about a mile before the driver obviously became aware that the officer was back there. She then slowed to 40 mph. (A little slow on the uptake, aren’t you, ma’am? – CD) The officer pulled the woman, a 20-year-old Isle of Palms resident, and spoke to her. He noticed that she smelled of an alcoholic beverage and told her she was under suspicion of DUI. She said, “Hey, I’ve only had one glass of wine,” but the officer noticed her swaying as he talked to her. Asked what education level she’d completed (always the first question before field sobriety tests), the woman replied, “A lot.” Asked to be just a little more specific, she said she’d been to college and agreed that she understood the English language. During the heel-to-toe test, she said, “You have to be a ballerina to do that.” She failed that test and others, then told the officer, “I’m not drunk, I’ve only had one glass of wine.” Failing a final test, she was arrested for DUI, to which she protested, “I only had a box of wine. Wait, I had just a glass of wine.” (Uh huh. “A loaf of bread, a box of wine and thee... in jail.” – CD) She was taken to jail, where she admitted that she’d been drinking “at a friend’s place.” She blew a .13 percent on the breathalyzer.

Yet another drunk driver was captured on Nov. 22 around 2:45 a.m. An officer was parked at the Exxon on Coleman Boulevard when a citizen approached and told him about a car that he’d seen driving across the bridges into Mount Pleasant. The concerned citizen said the driver had nearly sideswiped the railing several times and that it was weaving in and out of its lane. The officer headed down Coleman Boulevard and soon came upon a vehicle matching the description given by the citizen. The car was doing 50 mph in a 35 mph zone and was accelerating in and out of lanes, cutting in front of other motorists by an unsafe margin. After the suspect had changed lanes indecisively several times, the officer pulled her over. The driver, a 29-year-old North Charleston woman, appeared to be very intoxicated and had an “extremely strong smell of alcohol” about her. She said she’d had four liquor drinks, but then said she’d been drinking since 8 o’clock.

(Now THAT’S pacing yourself! – CD)

Asked if she thought she should be driving, she said she had to drive her drunk friend home. “I don’t see what the problem is,” she said, “I was just driving my drunk friend home. This isn’t even my car. I don’t even own a car.” She then added, to explain her situation further, “I was the most sober out of my friends.”

(Amazing how much better that sounds than “I was the least drunk out of my friends,” which means exactly the same thing. – CD)

The woman was asked to perform several field sobriety tests. By this time, another officer had arrived and was observing the tests. A female passenger then got out of the car and ran up to the observing officer and tried to hug him. She was told to sit in the car and not interrupt again.

(Yeah, I hate carloads of drunk women who are feeling huggy ... hmmm ... – CD) The driver, meanwhile, was failing several tests and said, “I cannot do this.” When asked how she thought she’d done, she said she’d “failed poorly.”

She then attributed her imbalance to a recent surgery.

When asked what kind, she said, “I just had breast augmentation and I can’t do these tests. My breast size just jumped up several sizes.”

(Yeah, carloads of drunk, huggy, breast-augmented women ... yuck ... – CD) She was arrested for DUI. After being cuffed, she said, “You ----ing cops have nothing better to do than pull people over and harass me while I’m going home.” She was then taken to jail. (Yeah, carloads of drunk, huggy, breast-augmented, jailhouse women ... bleh! ... – CD)

At jail, she said the cops had nothing better to do that arrest her because they were just bored. When she was unhandcuffed, she looked at her wrists and said, “Look at ----ing this! Look at my hands. I hope you’re happy. I want a lawyer now. Why aren’t you taking a picture of this?” She added, “If you hurt my breasts or tore them, I’m going to have your a-- and sue you for everything.” She then demanded to see a doctor to have her breasts examined.

(Yeah, carloads of drunk, huggy, breast-augmented, jailhouse women who want to have their breasts examined ... disgusting ... – CD) She continue to be uncooperative and when she was asked to blow into the breathalyzer machine and was told she was doing it incorrectly, she said, “What is this, like a blow---?”

Officers responded to a hit-and-run accident on Nov. 14 around 8 p.m. at Highway 17 and Longpoint Road. The victim told police he was struck from behind by the suspect’s vehicle, which was still present at the scene. He said that immediately after the impact, he got out of his car to check for damage. At this time, the suspect, a 24- to 27-year-old white male, got out of his vehicle and charged aggressively towards the victim.

The suspect hit the victim about the head and face, causing swelling above his right eye.

The two then physically struggled with one another in the grass median until two motorists stopped to help. The suspect ran back to his vehicle, removed something from under the driver’s seat and placed it in the front of his pants. The victim believes it could have been a handgun, but couldn’t give any further description. The victim told police he backed away from the guy, who ran into the wooded area near Boone Hall Plantation.

The people who stopped to help left before police arrived. Police searched the area with K-9 assistance, but could not locate the suspect. The man’s vehicle was towed, pending identification of the suspect. The victim refused EMS response and said he would consult his own doctor.

He told police that during the fight, the suspect smelled strongly of an alcoholic beverage and was acting in an “absolute rage.” He also said that before the collision, he noticed the vehicle driving in an extremely fast and reckless manner. Police will continue to investigate. The suspect is described as a white male, 24-27 years of age, 5’10, 160 lbs., blond hair. He was wearing a rugby stripe shirt, had a mustache and a cut on his forehead. His vehicle is a black GMC Jimmy.

Some pranksters did some damage to several vehicles in the Westpoint subdivision in the early morning hours of Nov. 13. One victim told police there was a white substance, possibly nail polish, in several spots on her car.

A second victim told police that his vehicle had three colored substances on it, possibly lipstick and eyeliner, and purple paint was painted on the rear and driver’s side. “You’ve been hit by West Ashley Mob sucka’s” was written on the trunk lid. A third victim reported that a red substance was painted on her vehicle, possibly lipstick. “Ho bi---” was written on her car, as well as it having been egged. “Quite ----ing with my girl f--” was written on the sidewalk. A fourth victim told police her car was written on with what looked like lipstick. “Rich snob” was written on the rear of the vehicle, and it had been struck by several eggs as well.

A concerned citizen called police on Nov. 14 around 10 a.m. to report that a man was seen walking backwards and falling into the ditch on Mathis Ferry Road, near the I-26 overpass.

When officers arrived, they saw the subject, a 38-year-old Charleston man, crawling out of the ditch. He was very unsteady on his feet and his eyes were bloodshot. He told police that he didn’t fall into the ditch, but had gone down there to throw up. He had leaves on his clothes, including his back.

He said he was going to go to his aunt’s house in Snowden and that he had not had a drink since last night. The man was placed under arrest for Public Intoxication because he had been walking on a sidewalk area that was used by many joggers and children. The man already had an arrest warrant out against him and was served the warrant once he arrived at jail.

An employee at a local restaurant (Waffle House) told police that on Nov. 13, around midnight, an unidentified woman had called to ask about one of the waitresses. The victim, who answered the phone, told police that the woman caller was asking if the “new girl” was a model.

She described the waitress she was referring to, not knowing she was talking to the same person. Once the caller knew she was talking to the right person, she began to ask her about her bra size and if she would be willing to wear thong underwear and other inappropriate questions.

At that time, another employee told the girl to hang up. The victim told police that this was not the first time the woman had called the restaurant and they wanted the incident documented.

(The Moultrie News Police Blotter is compiled from incident reports supplied by the Mount Pleasant Police Department. They represent only a small portion of the total number of calls officers responded to in the published time period.

Passages, statements and phrases in quotations come directly from the official incident reports.

All commentary after individual reports are the sole responsibility of the writer.

None of the accused subjects had been found guilty in a court of law at the time of this report.

Physical descriptions, including race, are only given in those instances when the suspect was not positively identified by name in the report. – CD)

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