Tuesday, February 14, 2006

President Dick Cheney went Quayle-huntin' this weekend down in Texiss, but he evidently mistook a Henry Whittington for a Dan Quayle. Either that or he went off half-cocked without checkin' before firin' at the wrong target.

Today we hear that Mr. Whittington suffered a heart attack, apparently caused by some o' that birdshot that President Cheney pumped into 'im. The doctors say that it would be too dangerous to remove some of the pellets from Mr. Whittington's body, so they're leavin' 'em in thar. If pullin' the buckshot out is more dangerous than a heart attack — even a mild one — that's sayin' a lot.

Now, let me be very clear about one thing: I bear no malice towards Mr. Henry Whittington. I hope that he recovers from his wounds without further complications.

Havin' said that, though, let's look at some facts and some scenarios. We already have the White House involved in not only a cover-up, but a cover-up of the cover-up. As the New York Tahms said in its editorial today, "The vice president appears to have behaved like a teenager who thinks that if he keeps quiet about the wreck, no one will notice that the family car is missing its right door." Kinda like how if we just keep sayin' that we did the right thing invadin' Iraq, nobody'll notice that we've created a quagmahr.

Given that President Cheney's victim has already suffered a heart attack (somethin' Tricky Dick knows a thang or two about hisseff) as a direct result of the shootin', we should also consider what would happen if Mr. Whittington does not recover from his injuries. Even in Texiss, shootin' a man to death is a crime; I b'lieve the technical term is involuntary manslaughter, as in Title 5, §19.04 of the Texiss Penile Code. It's a 2nd-degree felony, which places it square in the category of "high crimes and misdemeanors." The law says, "A person commits an offense if he recklessly causes the death of an individual." Ev'ry hunter is s'posed to know that it's reckless to discharge a fahr-arm without bein' damned shore there ain't no unintended targets anywhere in that gen'ral direction. As I say, I hope Mr. Whittington don't die on us, but iffin he does, President Cheney committed a felony. Matter o' fact, even if he don't die, Cheney prolly committed a felony under §22.04 or §22.05 or some such. Just because it was a hunting accident doesn't mean it wasn't also a crime.