Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Day 178- Divorce: Avoiding Self-Destructive Rebounding

Within this blog I am picking up where I left off in my post: ‘Day 168- What Happens to Marriages?’ wherein I
discuss the number one fear I’ve faced within divorce/separation. I am moving
systematically through the fears I am facing within leaving a long-term
relationship.

When and as I see that I am fearing not finding another
partner ‘before it’s too late,’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to
self-fulfillment by reminding myself that I had created a value system based
entirely upon judgment/physical appearance/youthfulness/attractiveness/looks/beauty,
with no basis in much of substance, therefor my value system is based on a
foundation that does not last, and that does include a point of ‘too-lateness’,
but when I cross-reference this with reality I see that people find partners at
any age, I am surrounded by this reality at present. So I bring myself back to
self-fulfillment within the understanding that I build myself for me, and every
time I preoccupy myself with the fears of not finding a partner, or fantasies of
the perfect partner, are moments where I am giving myself away and diminishing
myself to focusing on what I fear, on what I want, what I need, what I desire,
instead of focusing on Who I Am and what I have given myself already, what can
be enhanced and what should change- thus rendering myself more complete and
thus more prepared to enter an equal partnership, rather than diminishing
myself to an incompleteness, only seeking self-fulfillment from another.

I commit myself to live breath by breath for me, with a focus
on self- fulfillment, so that I can share myself as a fulfilled being with
another, instead of seeking another for self-fulfillment only.

I commit myself to stop my addiction to the repeating
thoughts of fears and desires in terms of my future partnerships, and instead
focus on remaining present, making the most of the present so that when the
time comes, I will have prepared myself.

When and as I see that I am fearing some undefined yet
‘specific’ time in my life where it is all of a sudden ‘too late’ to find
another partner, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honouring
within the realization that I can spend my whole life fearing this unidentifiable
time, or I can let it go, and walk towards living in presence and awareness,
paying attention and detail to my physical needs and sorting out my own mind,
instead of living in fear and frantically trying to control this undefined and
unspecifiable moment that may never even happen at all.

I commit myself to let go of the fears that there will be a
time when it is ‘too late’ for me, and replace them with the timelessness of
the present moment, which is wasted when I spend it fearing about the future.

I commit myself to stop terrorizing myself with thoughts of loneliness,
aloneness and abndonement, and instead remind myself that I determine my own
degree of isolation and aloneness by pushing myself to share myself and Who I
Am with those that are willing to stand with me.

When and as I see that I am placing value on my
youth/youthfulness as my value to receive a partner, I stop, and I breathe. I
bring myself back to self-value within the realization that I am of value for
the mere fact that I am alive, and I determine that value by how I am able to
honour myself despite how another/others may feel about me. I Decide; and I
Decide to honour myself as Life.

I commit myself to
stop creating fear and anxiety within me with thoughts that as I age it will be
‘too late’ and I will be lonely/alone forever- never fulfilled, never complete,
instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that these are MY
responsibility, and creating terror within me by thinking/believing/perceiving
it is the responsibility of someone else, something outside myself is pointless
and self-destructive in moments when I could be building me, and
fulfilling/completing myself.

I commit myself to let go of the thoughts, ideas, perceptions
and beliefs that my ability to have men desire me determines my value and worth
as a human being, because I see, realize and understand that this creates fear,
anxiety and terror within me, and devalues me in every way, and I commit myself
to step up and be there for myself, to love and cherish myselfunconditionally, to never again expose myself
to the fear, anxiety and terror I create when I make this someone else’s
responsibility.

When and as I see that I am placing value on something other
than Who I Am in thought, word and deed, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself
back to self-honesty by reminding myself that any/every time I value a
thought/idea/belief/image of myself, I am actually devaluing my actual self, by
making the statement that ‘who I am is not good enough, and instead of
changing/enhancing myself, I will value only certain ideas/pictures/parts of
myself that I deem worthy, and ignore the rest’. I bring myself back to
self-acceptance by looking at the entirety of myself, in self-acceptance, and
seeing, realizing and understanding what needs to change, and how I am going to
change it.

I commit myself to stop taking the ‘easy road’ of valuing a
piecemeal version of me, and creating an idea of who I am instead of really
looking at myself in self-honesty/self-acceptance, and living the change I
choose to be.

The self-correction will continue in my next blog…

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1 comment:

One way or another, never let yourself get caught in distress. Divorce process can be very overwhelming; however, it’s all part of the journey. The best thing that you can do is to stay strong, not only for yourself, but for the children as well, if you have any. Make them your inspiration to move on, so you guys can start a new chapter in your lives together.

About Me

Hi, my name is Kimberly Kline (nee Doubt). I stand for an Equal Money System- I stand for a dignified life for all beings and I will no longer accept or allow this system of human greed and self-interest that is causing suffering, starvation and abuse for the masses. Every 'solution' we have tried so far has failed- from the United Nations to the United Church. Individual self-change and leadership by example is where it's at. I humbly commit myself to this process and invite anyone who has respect for Life to join me and walk with me, beside me, as self-willed equals, until all are free from the global compromise humanity has created for itself.
Join Desteni for further discussions about world systems and humanity's place within them. Visit Desteni.org and Equalmoney.org.