I feel like I was unintentionally making it tough on her, because all the ideas she seemed to be edging toward, I kind of shot down. I only use leather purses, and she was asking about the new KS Saturday line, which is all canvas; she was raving about a brand of earrings, but I don't have pierced ears, etc.

I felt bad, but it just wasn't me. Honestly, I'll admit that I'm a tough person to shop for. I also don't know if she's trying to find something that will work for all three of us (her two bffs and I) or going with different stuff for each, or what her price range is. Should I give her hints/ideas? If so, how? We don't communicate regularly, just occasional emails, or the rare "like" of each others' stuff on fb.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14097 | Registered: Jul 2011

jrc1963♀ 26531Member # 26531

Posted: 9:46 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013

Dumb question coming... Do you *need* a gift?

Maybe just tell her you don't need anything?

I didn't have this issue when I got married... I didn't have bridesmaids.

I got married both times at the courthouse w/ a judge. No wedding, no wedding party... easy peasy.

No, but I'm spending a ton of money on the dress, alterations, shoes, jewelry, hair and makeup appointment, nail appointment, gifts, airfare, hotel... I'll probably be out over a thousand dollars when all is said and done for this wedding. The bridesmaid gifts are generally a way that the bride thanks the bridesmaids for all the money/work that they put in. I'm also going up a week early to help out with last minute projects. And YES I am doing those things because I love my brother, but if I were to get a Kate Spade bag out of the deal, I would be pretty happy.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

I just feel bad, because she was trying so hard and I really wasn't showing interest in anything she suggested. She's one of those people who has to find the *perfect* gift, so I feel bad if she's going nuts over it.

I doubt that it'll be a KS bag. They're way beyond what I can see she and my brother spending.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14097 | Registered: Jul 2011

Sad in AZ♀ 24239Member # 24239

Posted: 11:40 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013

Your job is to love whatever she gives you.

Amen.

Bridesmaids' gifts are meant as a token of appreciation for sharing in the happy couple's day. Yes, part of that sharing involves an expense outlay on the bridesmaids' part, but the 'gift' is not meant to be tit for tat. So, unless your future SIL is very wealthy and a Kate Spade bag is just chump change for her, I would not encourage her to go there.

May your 2015 be more FUCK YEAH! than fuck this

Posts: 21188 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY

Amazonia♀ 32810Member # 32810

Posted: 11:43 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013

Noooooooo I wasn't meaning to suggest she actually ought to get me a KS bag. I know that's way out of the question. She kept bringing KS up though, I guess because we had a conversation at Christmas about how much I love her bags and how I always drool over them at the outlets?

I actually don't even know what I would suggest. When I got married, I did gift certs to local places for each of my girls - a spa for one, a local theater for another, home depot for the third, based on their interests.

My (apparently ill thought out ) objective was to save her the time of thinking about what to get me.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 11:45 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14097 | Registered: Jul 2011

simplydevastated♀ 25001Member # 25001

Posted: 12:04 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013

My bridesmaid gifts where watches. I picked out a different one for each of them depending on their style. I went with the Caravelle line from Bulova. They are a bit more affordable for but the they look great and I knew they would last. They loved them.