Show those motherf*ckers you're serious!™

April 19, 2005

Nuclear Inside Baseball

We at ReverseVoteSwap.org were stunned to learn that Democrats were going on the offensive against the "nuclear option." The use of nuclear weapons is, of course, a serious policy issue affecting billions of people--so naturally we expected the Democrats and Republicans to be in complete agreement. Turns out our instincts were correct; "nuclear option" is simply the name liberals have given to the attempt to revoke the filibuster in order to work themselves into a frenzy about it.

The filibuster is a device that allows a Senator to debate a bill for an unlimited amount of time unless 60 Senators vote to shut him up. Historically it has been used with greatest effect by Southern racist crackers to hold up civil rights bills, but it is also a key component of the liberal style of inside baseball. Unlike the racists, a liberal Senator will never actually filibuster, but merely threaten to filibuster. This will generally result in a concession that is basically worthless, but looks good in a fundraising letter. For example:

Thanks to a major e-mobilization of MoveOn members, we were able to get Senator Kennedy to make a lot of noise about filibustering the Resoration of Slavery Act! In part because of his efforts, Democrats were able to win an amendment to save Midnight Basketball!!! Please make a donation to help send Eli Pariser to the Kennedy Plantation to thank the Senator in person!

It's obvious what a deleterious effect the end of the filibuster would have on the whole of Democratic Party politics. The Party would be forced to rely on gaining Senate majorities through winning elections, which for Democrats means employing all sorts of crude appeals to people's class interests. Too terrible!

We at ReverseVoteSwap.org support the liberals in their struggle to defend the filibuster, and all manner of insider shenanigans. The more incapacitated they are by parliamentary cretinism, the more effectively the real-world Left can make its case. Best of luck, Democrats!