Monday, January 18, 2010

Washington, D.C.--After the Treasury Department lifted the cap on potential losses for government-run mortgage lenders on Christmas Eve, and pledged potentially infinite taxpayer dollars to pay for the mistakes of others who agreed to government-backed mortgages they couldn't afford, the Department of Health and Human Services announced it planned to "eradicate personal responsibility forever" by producing a vaccine to permanently "suppress the desire for self-improvement and pave the way for an all-encompassing dependence on the national government."