Hetalia - Axis Powers is a manga and anime series created by Hidekaz Himaruya. The story is based on world history, mainly the events of World War I through World War II. Each main character is a personification of an actual country. Each character is normally referred to as their country name, such as America or Spain, but they also have human names like Alfred or Antonio. The series started as a webcomic, and later became a web series, which is the reason for each episode being only five minutes. It was originally made in Japanese, but English subtititles and an English dub is available. So far the show has six seasons and a movie.

America: Dude, I think the World Conference can convene. Solving all of today's problems by talking excessively! No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo ops. Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for re-election. I'll go first! About that whole using global warming to enslave humanity thing, I think we'll be okay if we genetically engineer a huge hero and have him protect the Earth - I give you the super hero, 'Globoman'!

Japan: I agree with America.

Switzerland: Man up or I'll beat you with my peace prize!

England: There's no way some hero will help global warming or humanity's enslavement.

France: If Britain and America don't agree, how can I be superior by dissing them both?

England: AGINCOURT!

America: You Frenchies just love to hate America. Why not go back to making us hot green chick statues like you used to?

England: [overlapping with America] The only things that come from France are horrid wine and body odor.

China: Western nations are so immature. I doubt they ever grow up. Maybe I can try appealing to the only organ of theirs' that seems to work. Would you guys like to sample some Chinese tasty treats?

Russia: What? Why me? No thanks. I want to see Lithuania get in big trouble and come crawling back for help. Then Latvia will be right behind.

Estonia: You're so tough, next you'll try to pick a fight with Haiti.

Russia: Do you have a miniature detachable head?

Poland: If you get any closer to Lithuania I'll make your capital Warsaw!

China: Please everyone, calm down!

Germany: Everyone shut up!

England and France: Germany?!

Germany:We've called this conference to solve the world's problems, not to fight about the problems of our past. And since I'm the only country who seems to know how to run a meeting, we'll follow my rules from here on out. Eight minutes each for speeches, no chit chat about side deals, and absolutely no going over the time limit. Now if you want to go, make sure you're prepared and raise your hand, but do so in a way that does not mock any salute of my country's past. [Italy's hand goes up] Germany recognizes his friend Italy!

Italy: ... PASTA----!

*queue music*

Germany: It is said that long ago in this land, there lived a man who conquered the Mediterranean Sea, and gained all the world’s wealth. His name… was the Roman Empire. He had it all: the world’s wealth, fame, and vast land. The man who gained everything… one day he just… disappeared.

Germany: Later! During WWI! I’m supposed to be fighting a descendent of Rome right now… but so far no such luck ...how weird… We crossed that border with no problem, didn’t we, Herr Stick? I’m so sorry I didn’t share any of my liverwursts with you! The invasion was going so well I forgot about feeding mein sticky friend! Well you’re right; I still shouldn’t let my guard down. It’s him we’re talking about; he must have some sort of plan. *Shocked noise*

Germany: The time was WWI. I found myself… in what’s you’d call… a “situation…” Hmm… weird… looks like someone left me these tomatoes--

Italy: Ah!

Germany: Augh!

Italy: Hello to you! I am the box of tomatoes fairy! I come in peace! Let us be friends and play with each other!

Germany: I think someone’s inside!

Italy: You’re wrong! There’s no one inside! DO NOT OPEN THE BOX!!!!

Germany: Nnnnngh…. Verdammt, this is heavy…

Italy: Why are you ignoring me?! What point is it to try to see the box of tomatoes fairy’s guts?!?!

Germany: *struggle grunts* Something is caught in here…!!!

Italy: Wah! I’m so sorry; you were right! I am not a box of tomatoes fairies at all! It was all lies! Lies!!! LIES!!!! Please don’t shoot me; I’m too young to die, and what if I don’t die but am just mortally wounded and forced to lie there in misery in a pool of my own blood?! Please I’ll do anything! Well, I mean within reason… I DON’T WANT TO DIEEEEEEE!!!!!!

*queue music*

Italy: I mean seriously, I’m a virgin! Where do you think they get Virgin Olive Oil? The point is you don’t want to shoot the virgin! We’re pathetic enough as it is!!! I apologize for the lying, and the boxing, and really I’m a good

Italy! I swear! You’re Germany, right?!

Germany: Geez… is this the guy I’m supposed to be fighting? I heard mein Feind is the descendant of the great Rome, but…

Italy: I have relatives in Berlin!

Germany: Ugh… there’s no way this whining little brat could be the same enemy… I wonder who he really is… Let me ask you a question. You wouldn’t by any chance be related to the great Rome, would you?

Italy: Wait, you’re telling me you know Grandpa Rome? What a fantastico turn of events! Especially for this poor pizza and pasta lover!

You had me completely fooled! I thought you were really mean and scary! So we can be friends, ok?

Germany: What kind of joke is this? Ah! Mein Gott this is a trap! He’s pretending to be harmless in an attempt to catch me off guard! Sneaky bastard!!

Italy: How fun to have a new friend!—Augh!

Germany: I will not be tricked! Go to hell, you pasta loving trottel!

Italy: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah……. *whine cry whine*

Germany: At that moment, I never imagined the extent to which this encounter would change my fate. Although I don’t believe in such things.

Italy [singing a song about Germany] Germany! Germany! Germany is a really, really nice place. Even though I'm your prisoner you give me food, and it doesn't suck like English food. Sausages with cheeses always taste so good. It'd be heaven for a dog. Yeah that's Germany. Tell me, how is it you Germans are so robust. You're crushing me with your intimidation. My fragility causes me to openly weep out of fear. Your women terrify me. Is it the normal to drink a barrel of beer and then bust it on somebody's head? Please don't come to my place in large mobs; German tourists are scary. Even the girls that are from Germany are more rugged than I am. Yahoo!~

Italy [pops up as Germany is busy making cuckoo clocks to settle a debt towards France] Germany! Help me find a job. My family has become extremely poor. [is promptly kicked out]

Germany Don't come bothering me about a job! I can't do anything except work all day to pay back France!

America: Ok, we’re so afraid of the Axis (nom) and so agreeing everyone (nom) I think it’s the one who’s secretly in love with Britain and (nom) and though he’s SECRETLY IN LOOOVE WITH BRITAIN haha (nom) I cannot see around it; I did nothing!

[“Munch, munch”]

England: I can’t understand a single word you’re saying! Would you please just stop eating!

Italy: I’m the north of the country, and he’s the southern part! Since we’ve always been governed separately, he had to spend more time with our big brother Spain, so he’s become kind of a dick! Right? Now say hi to my friend!

Romano: Suck my balls you dumb potato eater.

Germany: Ah…!

Romano: Ok, Mr. Super Studly. What’d you do to twist-a my brother’s head around so bad?

Germany: Uh… what do you want…?

Romano: Che palle! Don’t play dumb with me; that’s-a my brother’s job, and I know you’ve got some plan for him that’s sinister, and sure, your highways don’t have speed limits, but that doesn’t give you the right to criticize-a when men microbrew the best, big kraut breath!

Germany: Stop right there. You can’t blame me for what-

Romano: This weatherman is predicting a 99% chance of shit storm and it’s coming right at ya!

Romano: I have created a secret weapon for such singular purpose and stealthiness that you will be helpless to its powers! Moustache! Ahhhahaha! Hoohoo! You look-a so very stupid, with your big bushy mustache like some hipster at an art school party! Ahahahahaha!!!

Germany: Uh… you do know it looks like you have the mustache from where I stand…

Italy: Germany, Germany, I'm in North Africa right now and I can't tie my shoe laces. And what's even worse, Britain is here!

Germany: Ugh. *High blood pressure*

England: Come see, I've captured Germany by using Italy as a decoy

Germany: Damn, I should have know it was a trap.

America: Rock out, Britain!

France: Oui! Now you will tell us everything you know, or else.

Germany: Before I tell you, there is something I want to say. It goes a little something like this, LUTSCHEN MEIN BALLS!

Italy: Ahh! Why are you pointing a gun at me? I already told you I would tell you everything I know which is pretty much everything I know! Please don't kill me, please!

Germany: Do your worse, compared to my everyday life your kind of torture would be like bites from a mosquito.

Italy: Germany's kind of a sadist, actually he's a dead super kind of sadist with a lot of hardcore books and DVD's you can't guess what I have seen living with him! There was this one video I saw that had dogs in it! He really likes tying people up too and I'm sure you know what means! Up until recently his goverment endorsed beastiality with all it's soldiers!!!

Germany:Breathing heavily ... I hate you and your ass face.

Female voice over: Although Italy is small, he's kind of a pig. So the meals he's getting just aren't enough.

Italy (looks in box of food scraps) Uhhhh, Pasta, you hiding here?

Holy Rome Empire: (walking by with plate of food) Huh?

Italy: (pouts cutely) Hmmm, I can't eat this.

Holy Rome Empire: Hmm

Italy: I'm so hungry. Hold on, is that food? Is it there for me? ahah~! Thank you, who ever you are! nom nom nom This sucks.

Holy Rome Empire: ah!

Austria: What do I do with you? You steal food whenever I turn my back.

Italy:Sorry.

Austria: You think about what you did, you got it?

Italy:Sì.

Italy: I'm starving in here! AHHH!

Ring. Ring

Japan: Hai. Japan.

Italy: Japan, Japan, Help me. Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!

America: Ok! So, like I’ve designed a really sweet attack plan, which I’m calling Attack Plan Alpha, like alpha dog. Woof! I think it makes use of our strengths in the best way possible. Britain goes in suicidal! It’s your Charge of the Light Brigade routine!

England: Huh?

America: France gives up without a struggle!

France: Huh?

America: And for Russia, just keep sending us your cannon fodder! You’ll draw the guns away! From me!

Russia: Hold on. Question. What are you going to be doing, America?

[England – Back me up France – Back me up Russia – Back me up]

America: Good question! I’ll do what I always do best! And that means: I’m the hero!!

France: When you two are done releasing sexual tension! We have got a meeting we need to finish!

America: Huh?

England: That’s weird! France actually made a rational point!

America: Uh… sorry, that was childish and things got out of hand.

England: That’s no fair! It’s my job to be mature!

France: Seriously, you two. We have more important things to worry about before settling on our world plans! Like what to do about those tacky military clothes!

China: 身体好吗? (Shēntǐ hǎo ma?) Oh great, Britain, France, and America are fighting again over nothing! Why can’t you just dominate your people with a totalitarian government, really…

[Subject 2: If we win, what will we do with their lands?]

China: Here, let me show you how things are decided using ancient Chinese fashion.

Seems simple enough! China take all. You can go home now.

England: I don’t think so!!! What gives you the right to take all the land for yourself!?

China: Because I’m the oldest!

France: This is worse than trying to manage a bunch of Italians…!

America: Old Japan! Let’s find out where that is!

[America’s world map!]

America: Um…

[America] [America] [America]

America: It’s not on the map!

England, France, Russia, and China: Typical American…

Russia: Fuu… but soon I might probably get to say goodbye to everyone…

France: Ah…?!

Russia: It make me pleasure smile to think how they will all be destroyed by my overwhelming power.

England: Hey, no fair chewing on my sleeve, Uni! I’m too ticklish, so stop the snuggling! You’re naughty, Captain Hook; Tinkerbell’s not big enough! Take that big goofy kissy face to your little leprechaun friend, since he’s the only one who cares! Kidding! Seriously, you’re all nutburgers! What am I to do with you! Ahahahahahahahaha!

France: So Britain… I have something important to say to you. I would like… for you to marry me.

England: Uhhh…

Queue music:

England: That’s very funny, France. I don’t believe it’s April Fool’s Day yet. What’s the matter, old chap? You can’t even afford to buy a calendar anymore? Ahahahahahahaha…

France: You are wrong, mon ami. And this is not so funny.

England: Ahahaha… ahh…

England: Right; what the hell is wrong with you!?

France: Here. Take this.

England: That’s a marriage registration form, you idiot!!!

France: No it’s not. Can’t you see? It is a calendar!

England: Uh…uhhh…

France: It’s for you! It is a calendar!!

England: What’s come over you!? Unhand me, you foppish twit!!

France: Just sign it!

England: I will do no such thing! Argh!!!

France: I said sign it!!

England: No!!! Stop it!!

England: NOOO! I don’t know what you’re up to, but I don’t like it!

France: Look, I don’t want to be part of this either, but we don’t have much of a choice! Come on… blame the Suez Canal; that thing has put me close to bankruptcy! If I don’t get married to you right away, I overheard my boss saying that he would kill me! That would suck!!

France’s Boss Chibi Head: I will KILL you!

England: RGH! That’s still not a satisfactory reason to be wed! Have at you! Here’s what I think of your damn form!

France: NOOO! What are you doing!?!?

England: Now you’ll see. That’s what happens when you try to force people to marry you, frog! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

France: You brute! Dammit! Don’t you even care if I die?! Please, I’m begging you! You have to listen! I can become Britain’s quaint little French village if you want me to...! Come on; help me!!

England: I will not, fool! Why on earth would I ever want to marry you?! First of all, you need to learn to deal with and accept your failures. AHH…!

France: Oh hon… oh honhonhon…

England: Unhand me this instant you foul smelling wine lover! Release me! Let me go! Turn me loose! Why are you not listening to me, France?! Lessen that grasp! I said let go this minute! This is rather undignified!

France: Oh honhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhon…

[Drag, drag]

Germany: Count off!

Italy: Uno~!

Japan: 二. (Ni)

Germany: And I’m drei. Now, for the secret training! First scenario! What would you two do if you came across Britain, and were unarmed! Well? Spit it out, ja? What would you do!

Italy: Uhhh… I know! I’ll make a white flag with a stick and a handkerchief! And wave it around really fast! And then I’ll cry loudly and ask for help!

Germany: Dummkopf! If you do that, you will lose! Japan! Correct answer!

Japan: はい. (Hai) You should impersonate William I’s wail.

Germany: Sehr gut! Let us continue! Britain wants you to acknowledge his bastard child as your own! What do you do?

England: Hahahaha… stupid Germany. I’m SAS. When it comes to spying, no one is better than Britain! Cheers. Ha! That was all too easy. Now I shall observe your top secret training!

Germany: What do you do… if England is slowly closing in on you, while wiggling his ass and wearing a costume from rio's carnival?

England: Damn them both! If I wasn’t bested by that [beep!] German blitzkrieg again!! Hehe… I let them beat me without much of a fight this time. But next time won’t be so easy. They don’t know it, but… I still have a top secret weapon left. More powerful than conventional bombs, even. Gentlemen, it is time to attack with black magic!

Gentlemen: Ooohh…

England: Hahahahaha! Germany will learn the power of the dark side, which fears no man- huh?!

America: Hey, England! What are you doing?

England: I say! Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?!

Gentleman: Where did you put the eye of newt?

England: I have summoned you from the depths of hell. SHOW YOURSELF!!!

Russia: You called?

England: …n…nn…n… I wasn’t calling you!!

Russia: When I look into all of your stupid faces… I think about how much fun it will be to pound them into dust…

China: (Sigh) Every single day, another power struggle… it’s exhausting… Ah… who is that? I’ve never seen him around here before… You must be a new country…! You’re so little… I’m sure it was rough on you to have been born in such a small place… You can call me China! If there’s something you don’t know, all you have to do is ask me! So, would you mind telling me your name?

Japan: こんにちは. (Kon’nichiwa) It’s nice to meet you, China where the sun sets. My name is Japan. I am from where the sun rises.

Lithuania: Mr. America… are you trying to clean up here? I-I’ll do it for you…!

America: Oh, no. That’s alright. It’s just a little shit cleaning; I can handle it. I need to see for myself what I should get rid of.

Lithuania: As you wish, sir. Kay… some coffee? I’ll go make some!

America: Thanks! That’d be cool!

Chibimerica: No way! Is it really ok for me to have it?!

England: Course it is… I did make it special just for you, America.

Chibimerica: Oh man! This is cool! Thanks, Mr. Britain sir!

England: Ehehehehe! Take good care of it! After all, I nearly broke my hand while I was piecing it together.

Chibimerica: Wowww… I’ve got my very own toy soldiers! You made all their faces different!

England: Mn… I painted each individual figure separately!

America: Nn… I’ll never wear this again… I should throw it out too… Boy! Going through all this old stuff sure could get me depressed…! Isn’t there anything worth saving? Hm… here’s something good! It’s old, but this thing saved my butt! I’ll keep this… ah… That scratch… Nn… that one time… it has to be…

Germany: It is said that long ago in this land, there lived a man who conquered the Mediterranean Sea, and gained all the world’s wealth. His name… was the Roman Empire. He had it all: the world’s wealth, fame, und vast land. The man who gained everything… one day he just… disappeared.

Italy: Uhh ohh… oh no!!! Please don’t hit me!!!! Or at least not in the face!!!!! I paid a ton of money to get that hook out of my nose…!! I mean it’s practically a work of art!! You wouldn’t have a (something), would you?

Rome: ♪Listen as I tell you what hell would be! To begin with, all the cooks would be British! The policemen would all be German! And the engineering would fall to the French! Your lover would unfortunately… be Swiss! And the bankers would be from… Italy! Yahoo! ♪

Italy: …Grandpa Rome!

Germany: They’re back again.

Japan: はい, (Hai) I agree.

Italy: Say whaaaat?

America: Hahahahahaha! Yeah, so we were interrupted by a dude/chick singing, but we’re not gonna fail this time! China! I choose you!

China: Hwoah!

Italy: PLEASE don’t hit me! Or at least not in the balls; I mean they just dropped and they’re very sensitive!! Uh!

Allies: Ah!

Germany and Japan: Ah…!

Rome: ♪ Listen now as I tell you what heaven would be! All the cooks would be the French! The policemen would all be British, obviously! Engineers would be German! The bankers would be from Switzerland! And of course your lover would naturally be Italian! Yahoo! ♪

Canada: I’m right here… I wonder if they’ll pay attention if I make some noise... one day they’ll notice me…

Kumajirou: Who are you?

Canada: I’m Canada…!!

Narrator: Even after that, Canada’s turn never came.

Germany: Where are you going?! It’s no time to skip out on training!!!!

Italy: Britain is going to get meeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Germany: Italy! For crying out loud, you need to learn to run this fast when you’re NOT in retreat!

Japan: So it was proven true that Italian tank advance sixty mile a week! But are somehow able to retreat at sixty mile a day when they see the British coming.

America: Dudes! It’s time to put a fork in this meeting, ‘cause it’s done! Everything discussed here is top secret. So please make sure that nothing we’ve talked about is leaked to anybody on the outside! Got it?

Italy: Got it!

America: Ah…

England: Aughauh…

France: Ahuahaha…

China: Uhh…

Russia: Ah...

Canada: Hahhhahahaha….

Italy: …….ve~…… One question! Are we gonna have-a food after this? Dinner’s got to be next! Even you guys have to eat! Is it time for us to eat? I wonder if it’ll be pasta! I hope you know how to make-a pasta! If not, I could show you how to make it right! Do you have some garlic?

Germany: Listen up! First, you must grip the grenade firmly! Then pull the pin out of it, und throw it with an overhand motion! Nn-yah! Throw it far enough to stay safe, but close enough to watch the other guy explode! Does that make sense to you?

Holy Roman Soldier: Oh ho! Is this the painting of your little girlfriend or boyfriend or gender-neutral-chibi-thing?

Holy Roman Empire: It’s-a not like that…!

Sealand: Hello! I’m Sealand, the world’s smallest nation! I’m a very small country with only four citizens and just over 200 square meters! Those are like yards, which are like feet, only bigger! We also have cleaning supplies and a goat! Sometimes I ride the goat when swabbing the deck. And that is not a euphemism for anything. I’m actually an old abandoned British fort! After we were left here on our own, we crowned a prince, and he declared our independence! He also made a law we had to call him Super Larry! I may be small, but I’ve got a big heart! I’ve also got a big birthmark in the shape of a transistor radio, but I can’t show it to you. Currently, all we have to offer people is an official noble title, starting at £29 apiece. That’s cheap! You get to choose between being a lord, lady, baron, or baroness! Great Britain will rue the day they left us!

Sealander: We’ve got leaks over here too!

Sealand: Right away! I’ll be there next! My tape idea isn’t working!

Germany: Ok, I’m going to invade Russia. Take care of things while I’m off killing.

Italy: Please don’t! My medication’s wearing off!

Creepy Silhouettes: Mwahahahahaha!

Italy: It’s scary to be alone, and I can see their faces laughing at me!! Britain and France are on the march and are going to swallow me up like the tasty morsel that I am! Please don’t go!!! Grrr… I can’t be dependent on scary Mr. Germany for the rest of my life! I’ll show them the true Italy!

Holy Roman Empire: Please listen, Italy. There is something very important that I’ve been meaning to say to you! Nn… I’m-a sorry about everything… I’m-a leaving though, so you don’t have to be afraid anymore!

Chibitalia: Wait… what are you saying…?

Holy Roman Empire: I have to go away now…

Holy Roman Soldier: Holy Rome, are you-a ready?

Holy Roman Empire: Sì. Well… see you around. Take-a good care of yourself…

Holy Roman Empire: Hm… I… I feel like I should give you something too… what do… what do people do at your home if they like-a someone?

Chibitalia: Hm? Um… kiss, I think…

Holy Roman Empire: Kiss… I see… I’ve-a liked you for a very long time… it’s been since at least the tenth century…

Chibitalia: Oh… really…?

Holy Roman Empire: Yes, really. I wouldn’t lie to you…

Chibitalia: Yay! That’s happy!

Holy Roman Empire: …..hm… well, I’m off… be careful… when this war finally ends, I promise I’ll come and see you again…!

Chibitalia: Ok then! I’ll miss you! I’ll be waiting!! I’ll make you lots of treats for when you-a get back!! Don’t get sick! Try not to get injured or die violently either! I know we see each other again…! I know we will!! I know it!!!

Holy Roman Empire: No matter how much time-a may pass, you’ll always be my most favorite in the whole world!!!

Switzerland: No…! Why, Liechtenstein?! Why did you cut all of your hair off?!

Liechtenstein: Oh, big brother! There you are! Do you like my hair!

Liechtenstein: I found it a change…! I think I look very sophisticated!

Switzerland: You cut your hair just like mine! So of course I can’t say it looks bad, but do you want everyone to assume you’re a little boy?! What were you thinking?!

Liechtenstein: I love the way yours looked… I thought it’d be nice on me…

Italy: Ah, I ate some really weird British pizza the other day… it kinda tasted like fish and vinegar!

Germany’s thoughts: He’s supposed to be a descendant of mighty Rome, so it’s not a problem with his genetics…

Italy: Look, Germany! Someone’s teaching a lesson!

Professor: The flavonoids in tomatoes cause those who ingest too much to become unnaturally good humored but pathetically weak. However, our latest research has but cracked the surface of this phenomenon.

Italy: That’s funny! That professor doesn’t know it but he just said “butt crack!” Hehehehehehe…

America: Check it out, yo! How kickass is my new fighter plane of doom? Dude! It blowin’ your mind yet or what?

England: (big sigh) I don’t get it. Why did you call me all the way out here just to look at a silly airplane? (^ω^) *chuckle* (^ω^) It’s just ~(^ω^) Stupid (^ω^)~ I could never have come up with the same design. I think it’s ~(^ω^) Stupid (^ω^)~ Very unique. Haha.

America: Hey, thanks man! It was actually created to help me beat the holy hell out of you, so I’m glad you think it’s top!

England: Wha…!!

American: Scuse me. But wasn’t that information supposed to stay a secret?

America: It sure was!

England: Busby’s chair. Long ago, Thomas Busby viscously beat a man to death for sitting in this, his favorite chair. After being convicted of murder, he reportedly cursed the chair on his way to the gallows. He swore anyone who sat in his chair would suffer the same fate he was about to face. It is said… the chair is responsible for sending over 60 people to their deaths! I’ve got it now! I’ll switch America’s chair with Busby’s during the meeting! America won’t be able to jive talk his way out of this one! Hahaha! I can’t believe I didn’t think of cursing him like this sooner! Hehehehe… eheheheheheh......ah?!

Russia: December 25th is just like any other day at my house, да? (da) Our big winter celebration is called Epiphany! On January 7th, when the Wisemen visited the baby Jesus. But instead of that story we teach kids a version of pagan belief using a guy called Дед Мороз. (Ded Moroz) Or, Father Frost, who performs witchcraft if you make dolls of him!

Italy: Wow, that’s amazing!

Russia: Tradition says that those dolls will start moving after 25 days!

Rome: Oh please! What kind of fool does not recognize this greatness when they see it? My sculpture like-a beauty should give it away! Wait, check this side! I’m-a so Roman Empire, supreme-a ruler of all! Ah…!

Germany: Get out! Imposter! What are you up to!? I know the Roman Empire, and you sir, are no Roman Empire!

Rome: I am-a too him!

Germany: Silence! Just shut up and answer my question! Who are you!?

Rome: Nice! I’m-a so hungry! Nom… I am the Roman Empire.

Germany: With that kind of attitude my only option is to shoot you in the head!

Rome: I came-a to see my little Italy pumpkin…

Germany: Wait a minute! How the holy Führer did he get into my bed?!

Rome: My little grandson… so cute!!

Rome: So tell me, what kind of a man doesn’t have a woman in-a bed with him every night?

Germany: Achtung…

Rome: When I was-a your age, I had a plethora of lovely ladies around me! Oh, are you not into girls?

Germany: I will punch you in the throat!!

Rome: Come on-a now; don’t be so sensitive! No one here’s-a judging you! There’s nothing wrong with playing for another team! And everyone likes to experiment a little, except me, of course.

Germany: You sound just like France…

Rome: Well, there’s always a bit of the self-a love, is there not?

Rome: Can you believe I was-a ever that small… first, Carthage fell, and then others died. Good times! Ah, memories…! I just ate, had sex, fought, had sex, and slept every day!

Germany: In the year 753 BC… Rome is said to have been founded by Romulus and Remus, who were raised by a wolf.

Rome: Ah…!

Germany: Then, around 509 BC, you banished the king and made the country a republic. Afterwards, you won land utilizing law und military power. Italy was unified in 272 BC. Only then did you extend your power throughout the Mediterranean Sea. Then you defeated Carthage.

Italy: I wish Britain would get a headache and go home! I wish Britain would get a headache and go home! I wish Britain would get a headache and go home! I wish Britain would get a headache and go home! I wish Britain would get a headache and go home!

Germany: What do you think you’re doing?

Italy: Stars are magical! If you make a wish on one, it has to come true!

Germany: I can’t believe that you’re really this naïve. A headache won’t make Britain go back home! Go to bed before I beat you even senselesser.

Italy: And you…?

Germany: I can’t go to bed. Someone has to stand guard for us.

Italy: Hey! Would you wake me up when it’s my turn to play guard? Buona notte!

Germany: Ja, ja, gute Nacht.

Germany’s thoughts: Man, he’s so high maintenance!

Germany: Mm? Another…

Germany’s thoughts: I wish Italy would be cured of being a pussy. Please, make it so he doesn’t smell like garlic all the time…! Und, if you could make him a little less cheery every day und a little more serious like me. Also, teach him to drive, bathe, worry, and frown. It might also be good to have him split the atoms so we could make a weapon of unparalleled destruction.

England: Righto! So we’ll make an all-out attack on those two tomorrow! In terms of the sheer numbers of soldiers, there’s no way they could possibly—ahhh….!!

Japan: The son of Mr. Yoshida—he’s a bento shop owner—made Axis themed lunches for us. Would you like one? He actually made them specifically with our three countries in mind. Mine has rice with a pickled plum on top!

Italy: Yucky; that sounds tasteless! So, what does mine have in it?

Japan: Yours is pasta with a lovely stewed tomato sauce. For dessert, some zuccotto.

Italy: Yeah!! That sounds good!

Germany: Do I get some…?

Japan: Of course you do! You are a part of the mighty Axis as well! For you.

Tōgō: I had some beef stew at Britain’s house once. Can we have that instead?

Japan: What?? You want me to make British food? But it is so bland!

Tōgō: Thanks! I knew you’d do it!

Japan: What kind of fool want food from Britain when they could have something delicious I make. I can make better stew than Britain! I have the finest palette in the world! I am not certain how to make, but it will be better than anything from that tasteless island! Let me see, I will need beef, potato, a carrot… what else… a noodle! Soy sauce to make brown… wait, this doesn’t look right!!

Greece: Nh… these are the ruins of Olympia, where they used to hold the sacred sporting festival called the Olympics. This very spot was where the stadium used to stand… it was so important they’d even postpone wars during it… my mother taught me all about it…

France: Ah… wow; as fascinating as that must be to you—

Greece: It’s freaky…

France: Euh…

Greece: My mother could have watched these games back in their heyday… in a way… that’s not possible… oh, ah… hey France, want to hear something weird?

France: Huh?

Greece: Women weren’t allowed to enter in the Olympics, and the men had to compete completely naked.

France: What an incredible event!! I wish I could have seen it!!! I have an idea!! Let’s start having the Olympics again!!!

France: Quoi… oh, Britain! You need to get into the spirit of things! This is the Olympics! You’re still so stuck in your Victorian heritage…

England: Hwuaaaaa….

France: Take off your silly clothes. Or I’ll have to take them off for you!

England: Waaa! Unhand me right now…!!! I will not lay back and let you defile me, you smelly French paint dogger!!

France: Oh honhon! Looks like Big Ben is a Small Sam today! Uh…

Switzerland: You should know better than to force a Brit into nudity.

Narrator: I’m almost certain this would be a good idea nowadays. Think about it; naked men fighting, wrestling, hocking—ok, maybe not hocking, but for all its power, the male form is rendered kinda silly when naked. Especially naked throwing a javelin…

Russia: Oh, Привет! (Privet) I’m Russia. I’d like to be introducing my big and little sister now. First, please say hello to my big sister, Ukraine. She’s nice, but not much to look at. This is my little sister, Belarus! She’s pretty, not nice. The important thing is they are both very weird! …..so werid….. so weird….. so weirddd… *crying*

England: A-Ah! Oh no! What’s wrong with Russia?! This is a sign something really scary is about to happen!

Russia: This is Ukraine. When I say big sister, I mean BIG sister. Apparently, her breasts are so giant they make her back hurt. Also… she’s poor, so those are real! Big sister, we came to collect the gas payment!

Switzerland: Would you please try and focus; this is important! You need to be careful of wild animals. They may look cute, but you can never be sure what they might do! Some of them have sharp fangs readied with poison so they can kill you! And if you decide to take one in, don’t take just one because they deserve to have friends!

Liechtenstein: Ah ha…..

Switzerland: Ah…!

America: Dude, why are you taking a picture of a cake!

Japan: I have compulsive need to take picture of everything.

Canada: Listen to me, America…! I wanted to let you know something, mister! You’ve caused me a lot of trouble, and I’ve had enough of it!

Canada: I… just wanted to chat! But it’s nothing important or anything; don’t worry about it… Uh… it’s just… you know how you like to boss everybody around? Well they always think I’m you so they take it out on me… I don’t suppose you would reconsider being the asshole of the world, would you?

America: Huh? (Chainsaw~)

Canada: Ahhhhhh!!!! Gotcha! Just kidding! I was so totally joking with you just then, America…! Wasn’t that funny…?

America: When I said “huh,” I meant I couldn’t hear you! What’d you say, brah?

Canada: I said I love how we’ve become best friends! And that’s all! I failed; he’s just so strong and so loud….!

Austria: From the uber metro emotional display… I assume you said goodbye to Holy Rome?

Chibitalia: What…?

Austria: Nothing! I was just talking to myself…

Chibitalia: Ah…

Austria: Italy…

Chibitalia: Ah?

Austria: You should really take the day off. If you go around like this it’s only going to depress us.

Chibitalia: Ah… yes sir…

Hungary: Ha…!

Poland: Yeah… I already heard about it from Lithuania. So… no. Wasting my life in European politics would make me gassy! Oh! I’m thinking about painting my house a wicked hipster pink! It’d make Romania so jealous!

France: Uh…uhh… Oh dear Lord, he’s even dumber than the last time; he’s never going to understand!!

Poland: Look, I’m not a dweeb. I know I’ve got to front it A-style when it’s game time!

Pony: Neigh!

Poland: Yo ‘sup playa! I got the good deal on 10,000 ponies to add to my arsenal, right? Picture it! They’ll shoot right over our heads!

Prussia: The stupid anime writers have no idea what they are doing. Germany gets all the screen time und the jokes that get beeped! I’m awesome Prussia, not some bit player like France. That’s it. Since I’m already pissed anyway, I’ll just torment these guys instead. The great Prussia will unleash secret weapon kept hidden all this time. That’s right! A diary. One I’ve been writing in like a silly junior high girl since time began! Nobody has escaped my covert condescension. Hehe! You may have tried to bury past humiliations, but they’ll all be dug up by me!

Chibi Prussia: I am awesome! Shout that I am awesome! Kneel down and cry!

Chibi Hungary: You were only gone for six seconds! There’s no way!

Chibi Prussia: To reward Prussia for being so awesome, I’m going to give myself… all of Burzenland!!

Chibi Poland: Ah?

Chibi Prussia: I would recommend that you stay far away from Hungary. That guy has some serious anger issues! Und he is a crackpot.

Prussia: Hehehehehehe… I was so cute when I was younger. Oh, heck, I still am!

Romano: Look here, Germany, I’ve got something dinkish to say to you!

Germany: Ja? Go ahead, then.

Romano: My brother and I have finally patched things up and gotten back together, but because of you it’s falling apart! He just walks around saying “Germany! Ah, Germany!” so stay away from him or there’s going to be trouble, ok?! The German people are so backwards and judgmental. Just looking at them makes me feel-a barfy.

Germany: Please don’t hurl on me. But just so you know… a quick study of ancient lineage will show you that your brother has a lot of the German blood within him.

Rome: I saw this-a crazy hot lady the other day. So I started-a chatting her up and impressed her by getting-a totally wasted! It works every time! Man, those drinks were craaazy good! I had the sex, which is the important-a thing. Anyway, after that I won an overwhelming victory in a battle!

Germania: Hey.

Rome: Huh?

Germania: Why don’t you talk about something other than women, liquor, and battles for once in your pathetic life.

Rome: …ohhh…

Germania: Grr…

Rome: That then leaves only seafood, and unless I’m doing a sexy mermaid, why would you want to hear that??

Spain: Listen to me, Romano. As of today, I am the boss of you, which means you have to do whatever I say, ok?

Chibimano: Ahhhh… if I wanted to follow someone’s directions I would listen to a sexy lady, not you! No thanks, la Spain!

England: Maybe it's about time for me to... make some friends, I guess.

Germany: Hm? What do you want so early in the morning?

England: Hey Germany! I don't mind becoming friends with you!

Germany: No thanks.

England: France is out of the question. Who I really want dead is that Russia in the north. It doesn't look like I can be friends with the Triple Alliance. Theres probably no point in befriending Finland and the Baltic states. Spain is hopeless. Netherlands and Belgium are also. In the end, after thinking about it, I thought maybe Japan would work.

England: Ahhh! You jerk! What do you want! Identify yourself!

Japan: You were standing in front of my door, so...

England: I was able to get somewhat closer to Japan today.

Allen: Theres a problem. I heard that Japan's boss went to see Russia.

England: What?! Russia?!

Allen: He might be trying to get Japan and Russia to get along. Also, It's possible that Japan will sign a Russo-Japanese Treaty and turn against us.

England: Even if that happens, it will be fine. I-I'm used to being alone.

Iceland: Oh skít… what the cripes! I don’t get hardly any tourists anymore. I don’t care what it takes! I gotta get popular again, like, real quick. Hæ. Nice to meet you; I’m Iceland, a new character. Ah…

Hungary: Ah…! Ah!! Please, somebody help me!!! (crying) Ah…!!

Police Officer Pictonian: Blublub… blub… blub…

Hungary: Ah… ah!

Pictonians: blublublublublublub…

Hungary: Ah… ohh… uwaa…

Pictonians and Hungary: Blub

America: Dudes, this is an emergency! As the paper thing in front of you with those crazy drawings that are supposedly words says, a majority of humanity-

Rome: ♪ …to you what heaven on Earth would be! All the cooks would be the French… Policemen would be British… engineers would be German… The bankers would be the Swiss… your lover of course, Would be from Italy… ♪ Let me tell you something about hell! The cooks are all boringly British! The police are all grossly German! Engineers are all foppishly French! Your lover is sadly a Swiss! And the bankers! Are pretty late from Italy!! Thank you!

Pictonians: We don’t know! We don’t know!...

Italy: Hey there, Grandpa Rome! Ah? Why is there a marker on the ground? I wonder if Grandpa Rome maybe left it here… Oh! Yeah...! Ahahaaahahahaa heehee! (excited noises) Hey, look, I drew a face!

Germany: Ah… rh… ah… Italy… you did wonderbar.

Italy: Hahaa.

England: Oh what!! Now you have a spokesperson?!

Princess Ploto: I would like to apologize for all the trouble we have caused you and your people. Our initial goal was to conquer this planet and to assimilate you to our image. But… after seeing how much fun this world can be… we’ve decided we do not wish to change anything about it. Instead… we would like to thank you for changing us and for giving us faces. To show our gratitude, we will turn all humans back to their original form and transport them to their individual countries. Also…

Italy: Ah?

Princess Ploto: Would you mind… giving that to me…?

Italy and Germany: Huh?

Princess Ploto: We do not have any of those on my planet.

Italy: Hm! No problemo! Here you go! Va bene.

Princess Ploto: Thank you very much. I will treasure it forever… We’re gonna go now… if you don’t need anything else.

Italy: Goodbye!! Have a safe trip back!! Hahaa! Aahahaa! Heeheeheehee! Whoo! You can come back and visit whenever you waaant!