6:30am The taste of fireball is still fresh on my tongue and my head is pounding. I drank a bit too heavily last night (I blame Joanna). 6:30 comes quite early when you’re waking up on a Saturday and even earlier when you’re hungover. I understand that this is a foolish adventure I’m about to embark on, but I embark nonetheless. It’s August 22nd, the drop date of the Yeezy Boost 350 in black.

Lamar has never felt so lonely as I make the excruciatingly long, 5 mile, drive to “Nice Kicks” (who supposedly have some Boosts in stock). I pass by several people running. Yes, running. Running for exercise before 7 AM on a Saturday morning. I may be the hung-over fool driving to stand in line for a pair of shoes, but at least I’m not fucking exercising #priorities.

Time passes as follows:

7:00am Arrive at “Nice Kicks” and get in line. There are probably 35 people in front of me. I have a shot at this.

7:05am I make a new friend.

7:06-8:50am I talk to my new friend about the Yeezy Boosts.

9:00am I’m getting excited. A smile spreads across my face as Nice Kicks starts letting customers enter, 5 at a time. I’m going to get a pair, I can feel it, and I’m going to have an incredibly short blog post.

9:30am Ten people have come and gone… As a Nice Kicks employee sticks his head out the door and utters the following words, “We’ve sold out of the Yeezy Boost. Feel free to come in and shop around.” Twelve different emotions hit me all at once, followed by an infinite amount of questions. “Why did they only get 10 pairs of shoes?” “Why wouldn’t you tell the 50 people waiting in line for the past 3 hours that you only have 10 pairs of Yeezys in stock?!?!?!” “No seriously, why wouldn’t you tell us this significant fact?!?!” I could have spent my morning doing other things, for instance sleeping or being hung-over and embarking on my Yeezy adventure online. Seriously, Nice Kicks? Maybe next time ask yourself “What Would Jesus Do?” I even have the answer for you. He’d tell the line of people he only got ten pairs of Yeezy Boosts in stock and one disciple isn’t getting a pair (looking at you Judas)! Yeezus would be disappointed.

9:45am There’s no walk of shame more shameful than the empty handed walk back to my car that Saturday morning.

9:47-10:44am I drive back to my apartment listening to the anti-Kanye (Taylor Swift), I don’t know what to think. I walk in the door and prepare to nap. But sleep can wait a moment longer as I decide to check adidas.com.

Adidas has decided to make it “more fair” this time around by randomly selecting people to let on their site. I was not one of the random few selected and this feels quite unfair to me. “Who are you to select who gets through to your site? I was one of the first visitors; you hadn’t even tweeted about it yet. Who gave you this sense of empowerment? This Godliness? You’re acting like a buyer from Buffalo Exchange! YOU AREN’T A GOD!!!!! I’d much rather your site to crash as I have them in my cart.” (All of this was audibly yelled at my computer, just ask my neighbors).

10:45am I digress and fall asleep.

12:30ish I wake up, a little less hung-over, a little more confused about this morning’s events. I check a couple other sites (YCMC.com, machus.com, DTLR.com) with no luck. Machus, whom I love, had 50k people flood their site for a measly 10 pairs of Boosts available. What is this world coming to? It’s at this point I realize that Adidas is Immortan Joe, from “Mad Max”, selecting who will receive the water (Yeezys) we all crave. So much for that “Everyone will be able to get Yeezys” quote ‘Ye threw down earlier this year. We’re all in the desert Adidas, throw some of that fresh shit my way. This is the insanity that happens when Adidas decides it’s better to try to be “cool” again than to make an acceptable amount of shoes.

3:30pm I take a short walk to calm down and decide to meditate and reflect on my day. I realize, all in all, I spent close to 7 hours attempting to cop a pair of Yeezy Boosts without ever coming close to success. To put this into perspective, 7 hours is longer than I attempted to learn how to skateboard and play guitar, combined, throughout all of my adolescence and college years.

5:45pm Fuck it, I’m just going to become famous and cop a pair of Red Octobers, they’re better anyways.

Life isn’t always a fairytale and Yeezy Season is a struggle, unless your name is Preston. If your name is Preston you probably had your butler pick up your Yeezys last night while you were drinking Earl Grey tea at your frat house. Fuck you, Preston.