His Boots, Her Flops… Why The Stigma?

As I was drinking my morning coffee and browsing my Facebook feed I came across a discussion a Marine wife I know had started. She said that she hated stickers like what I have above, and people were chiming in left and right to show their support and how much they despise that and similar stickers. I read through all the comments and started to feel quite uncomfortable. People said they hated it because there is a stigma around stickers like these. I had no idea so I started googling and grew more uncomfortable with what I was reading. Let me summarize what I read for you. If you have the sticker above, or similar stickers then that means:

You are lazy because flip flops are disgusting and show what a lazy human being you are

You are a whore waiting to screw whatever Marine you can find as soon as your husband deploys

You’re sleeping your way to a higher rank so you can have more income that you haven’t had to work for so you can buy frivolous things

You’re a “dependapotomus” (Google it, it’s not a nice term…)

You’re a c*nt

Wait… what? What the hell did I just read?! Things like what I listed above went on and on and on and got pretty damn disgusting. People are really up in arms about a simple sticker meanwhile here I am, little old stupidly innocent me having absolutely no idea about any of it. Granted, I knew about the term “dependapotomus” but I never really knew about the sticker-hatred that was out there prior to this morning. I have that sticker that’s pictured above on my car and I got it after Mr. Envoy graduated from BRC (Basic Recruiter Course) last year. Prior to getting that sticker I’d never had anything but nerdy stickers on my car, but when I saw it while we were at MCRD San Diego I got it because I thought it was cute and showed support for my Marine. And c’mon, it’s no secret that I’m a sucker for cute stickers! Just ask me and I’ll send you a picture of my planner, it’s chock full of them!

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a southern California girl. I was basically born in my flip flops and wear them constantly, rain or shine. If I’m chilly I throw on a sweatshirt while still wearing my flip flops. Does that mean I’m lazy? No way! And I didn’t buy this sticker because I think my husband absolutely loves his boots and wants to wear them 24/7 or whatever other reason people think that wives buy them. I bought them because these are the shoes we wear most of the time. He works a lot so therefore he’s in his boots a lot and if I’m not at a harp gig or rehearsal where I’m wearing either heels or flats then you can probably find me in my flip flops. It’s ridiculous to me that anyone would ever see it in any light other than supportive and cute, instead of me making a really poor attempt at flagging down random passer-bys on the road looking for a “quickie”. I mean come on people, really? *rolls eyes*

I’m not so naive as to think that there aren’t bad apples out there who rock stickers like this and do nothing but sit at home and live off their husband’s income, and worse yet probably sleep around while their husband is risking his life for this country. I shudder to think about it but I know it happens. However that doesn’t mean that everyone who has this sticker does that, but I guess it’s easier for some people to see it once and then generalize it to an entire community, or worse yet people who have a sticker. A sticker people! Come on, you have to hear how ridiculous that sounds right?

I picked Mr. Envoy and he’s all I want in the world. I didn’t marry him for his career or his rank. I didn’t marry him for his benefits or because the thoughts of deployments sound super duper exciting. No, hell no. I married him because regardless of how much I never wanted my life to be up to the whims of the military, well, dammit I fell in love with him. Whether he decides to re-enlist or whether he decides that this life isn’t for him anymore I will still be there by his side ready to take on whatever life throws at us. Until death do us part, not until enlistment do us part!

My faith in humanity can be high, but at times like this I seriously wonder about it. I have heard great things about the military community but I’ve also heard really bad things, and this is an example of the bad. I’ve been hesitant to get involved in the military community because I have seen how cruel people can be to military spouses, and comments like this, about something as silly as stickers really makes me really glad that for the most part I don’t have much contact with the community. I shouldn’t have to defend my love, my support, and especially my commitment to my husband. Hell, if he was a janitor I’d probably get a “His mop, her harp” sticker or something. lol

Anyways, rant over with. I just want to show my love for my husband and my support for him without fear of being called a “dependapotomus”, but it seems like if you love and support your spouse then someone, somewhere is going to have something negative to say about you and why you’re with them. I guess all I can do is know my own reasoning for having these stickers and that there’s nothing anyone can say or do to make me feel bad about it. “Haters gonna hate” as the kids say.

I’d love to know: What are your thoughts about things like this? Is having a sticker like this on your car really such a bad thing? How can we change the stigma that stickers like this have and how can we change the stigma on military wives in general? Maybe because I’m still fairly new to all of this there’s something I’m missing – In a few years of this life will I grow to hate these stickers too? Drop me a comment and let me know what you think!

Post navigation

11 responses to “His Boots, Her Flops… Why The Stigma?”

I thought their comments and others would be more about being sexist than what you listed. How crazy to label those with the mentioned sticker! It saddens me that they all felt the need to degrade people. The sticker is harmless. It is like how people judge a woman wearing red lipstick. Outright ridiculous and I’m sure they could have used their time more wisely. I don’t understand where it all stems from. The sticker is cute and an expression for your love. It shouldn’t be known for anything else other than that! I’m sorry you had to read such hateful comments.

I wish sexism was what they’re talking about. Because of a few people who have made bad decisions/don’t know any better, military wives are generalized as disgusting, overweight, money-wasting people who are too busy taking care of themselves and their spending habits to properly take care of their children, all while hooking up with military members when their spouse is deployed. It’s disgusting to me! I know that unfortunately there are spouses like that but every spouse I’ve met so far has been nothing but nice and down to earth, and they love their spouse and children more than anything else on the planet. They create a home for their family wherever their spouse gets stationed, they take care of the finances when their spouse can’t and they hold down the fort when their spouse is gone. These people are strong and are the type of people that I aspire to be, yet these aren’t the spouses that people think about when they think of a military spouse and it’s terrible. I wish I knew how to change it. :(

It is hard to change the minds of those who fail to see the other side. It sounds like their mind is pretty programmed on what a military spouse is. I have heard many awful words said about those in the military and those who are the spouses of military folks. It will take them to be in that situation before their minds are persuaded or maybe somebody dear to them to experience it. Continue being that good example future spouses can look up to. I hope you don’t let their negative views get to you too bad. Know that there are others who think people like yourself are strong and loving.

I think people have too much time on their hands if they took time to try and shame someone because of her choice of footwear. Calling any woman such horrible names is simply not acceptable under any circumstances! We call these people “trolls” for a reason!

Yep, that’s exactly what they are! There are websites and FB pages dedicated to this type of thing and even though the groups have been deleted on FB over and over again they keep coming back. It’s disgusting. But what’s worse is that other military spouses jump on the name-calling boat too! Screenshotting FB or instagram posts and submitting them to these pages for laughs. It’s terrible :(

I’m “just” a Navy girlfriend but luckily I’ve been sheltered from all this negativity surrounding a milspouse/milso, but that’s cause I’m in Singapore. My man and I plan on getting married so we will be interesting to see if I see any of this when I am living in a military community. It’s sad and amazing how people have the time and energy to focus on this, umm don’t they have better things to do? They’re probably the lazy ones, who knows, who cares? Do what you want, don’t let others judgements hinder your life…!

Thank you for your comment Jewels! And don’t worry, the stigma applies to girlfriends too! ;) I was dating my Marine for a little over 2 years before he proposed and we got married earlier this year so I know how it is to feel like “just” a girlfriend. Regardless of how the military feels about girlfriends (you don’t matter to them, spouses barely matter let alone girlfriends >_<) the important thing is how your boyfriend feels about you!

These people seriously need better things to do than to troll people, but that's the internet for you. It gives people the anonymity and the backbone to say things that they'd never dream of saying in person.

Thank you for the words of advice. Doing what you want to do regardless of other's judgements is all we can do. We just have to learn to brush it off and let it go because all that ultimately matters is what's between you and your SO. =)