This is directed to you mostly, but also will pertain to others somehow.

The BIG difference between you (a very young boy) having to do things against his will, by torture, drugs, coercion, etc, to other VICTIMS like HIM. You were a boy. You were under the age of reason. You were way to immature to comprehend nor understand what was happening to you. You were a boy.

Those of whom you speak about soldiers whom were "just following orders" were adults. Above the age of reason. They could have made the proper choice. Even at the expense of retribution. I clearly understand that they would be executed if they did not follow orders. But there were legions of them that followed their conscience on the difference of fighting for their country and the difference of crimes against humanity.

You were just a boy. An INNOCENT VICTIM, just like those other kids, also INNOCENT VICTIMS that you had to do certain unspeakable things too.

Suicide, our ultimate solution to pay for our innocence.

Probably said too much already. But we have to learn to believe in our innocence. Believe in ourselfs. Yes, my brothers as we all know all to well, that's easier said than done.

Wishing you all well in healing.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead them from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Jeff....I am sorry for all of your pain. All of our pain really. I work in NYC and know many of the places you describe well. It's hard to realize so much bad does happen on streets we walk each day. But my words to you are that you must be one hell of a husband, dad, and grand dad...and thats what counts always.

Moose...thanks always for you kind words.

And yes, I do feel like more of us should document we can over come the true hurt of abuse. New members need to see it, old members should not leave this site as some do because they only see the hurt, never the hope.

The man who has helped me most in this process astonishes me with his success in recovery. And that lifts me up in ways too. I tell him often we went to Hell and have come back, and yea, early recovery is simply that.

This weekend I told him I realized that at one time we were both more afraid of life than we may have been death, and that is so f*cked. Because life can be very good & we each have a shot to make it better for ourselves and for others.

There are men here overcoming ever lousy effect ASA and CSA causes. I am just one of them. I know I speak for others.

It does get better....

Be well all. Please heal and find peace.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

you are right - it can get better - IF we put in the effort - and then it gets worse - and then better again - and then worse than ever - and then better than before ... and so on. i have to believe that the worse times will keep diminishing and the better times will keep increasing - both of them improving in both duration and in intensity. like one of the members says - it's a "roller-coaster"!!!

and hopefully - unlike most thrill rides, it will end on a higher level than it starts.

you gotta believe!Lee

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho

Some here think people donít care. I disagree. I think people can become overwhelmed or have their own good causes, but that does not show a lack of care.

We should not compare causes either. Any good we do stands on its own merit.

I see that the men I know very personally here all give back in their communities. One participates in extreme sport competitions for charity and is going to be a school teacher. One works with an emergency family shelter and wants to be an EMT. A 3rd plans to be a cop. Another is an awesome stay at home dad.

They are each true MS survivors. They each dealt with the pain and side effects. They each learned to love themselves. And as I watched, each found real love in a women who saw all the good in them & not simply the hurt or pain.

Iím lucky to know these MS members as true friends and to be supported by them always.

Last Sunday all 3 kids were out working on causes they care about. One was at Niagara Falls raising $ís for kids with Cancer. The youngest was out working for our local Food Pantry. The big brother showed up there with his team of college students also out fighting pediatric cancer to throw his kid sister his support. That made her day, and mine too.

That value in our home of helping others comes from my wife, not me. But Iím happy to get dragged all over our town as she helps others in our town less fortunate.

I think people care a lot really. It shows in many ways.

If you are stuck right now go out and get involved in your town with a cause. It will do so much for you.

Reject the idea we cannot heal. Reject the idea people do not care.

I do not wear rose tinted glasses. But I can clearly see it does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Some here think people donít care. I disagree. I think people can become overwhelmed or have their own good causes, but that does not show a lack of care.

We should not compare causes either. Any good we do stands on its own merit.

I see that the men I know very personally here all give back in their communities. One participates in extreme sport competitions for charity and is going to be a school teacher. One works with an emergency family shelter and wants to be an EMT. A 3rd plans to be a cop. Another is an awesome stay at home dad.

They are each true MS survivors. They each dealt with the pain and side effects. They each learned to love themselves. And as I watched, each found real love in a women who saw all the good in them & not simply the hurt or pain.

Iím lucky to know these MS members as true friends and to be supported by them always.

Last Sunday all 3 kids were out working on causes they care about. One was at Niagara Falls raising $ís for kids with Cancer. The youngest was out working for our local Food Pantry. The big brother showed up there with his team of college students also out fighting pediatric cancer to throw his kid sister his support. That made her day, and mine too.

That value in our home of helping others comes from my wife, not me. But Iím happy to get dragged all over our town as she helps others in our town less fortunate.

I think people care a lot really. It shows in many ways.

If you are stuck right now go out and get involved in your town with a cause. It will do so much for you.

Reject the idea we cannot heal. Reject the idea people do not care.

I do not wear rose tinted glasses. But I can clearly see it does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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