The UK Labour party, nominally a social democratic political movement has always had a tendency towards authoritarianism and as such attracts a particularly humourless type of activist. They are obsessed with equaity and rights but respect everybody's right to have the same opinion as they themselves do. In the equaities bill, passed just before the labour government was thrown out they surpassed themselves with an ant-discrimination bill that harms everybody (equally).

Last week (the news was a tad slow in arriving) 85 female Labour Party activists descended like harpies on London for the 2009 Labour Party women’s summit. You missed this inspirational and life affirming event didn’t you? Shame on you all.

There is, I always feel, something deeply unappealing about female Labour activists. It is perhaps to do with their earnest demeanour, their patronising tendency to put one right should one stray “off message” and say something ever so slightly politically incorrect, their intensity and their irritating habit of blaming all the troubles of the world on “unreconstructed” middle class white men. Though there are no doubt some attractive Labour women (no names spring to mind but there must be some) for warmth and a sense of fun The Liberal Democrats have a monopoly on political hot ladies - and even theirs are only slightly warm. Find links to pictures of Lib-Dem warmies at this Boggart Blog post

When middle class white men all have to have chips implanted in our brains that override all male instincts, are regularly injected with female hormones to inhibit sexist behaviour, interest in football and a taste for full English breakfasts and are modified with a few African genes so we can all dance the world will be perfect will it not?

(Snapshot of a post Apocalyptic scene: a Politically Correct Labour Female (PCLF) and her reconstructed mate are surveying a bleak, post apocalyptic landscape hoping to find shelter, food, water and a non – sexist, non racist commune to join when a band of ugly mutants appear over the skyline.

“Oh darling”, says the PCLF, you must save us in a non – violent, right-on, politically correct way from the evil, flesh eating mutants .”

“But how, vis – a – vis their penchant for dressing in animal skins, total lack of interest in personal hygiene and grooming and their brutish obsession with extreme violence and eating anything they can’t fuck I hardly think they are likely to listen to our appeals to their feminine side?”

“You are a man, it’s your job to protect your mate and her children” says PCLF.

“Hmm” says the male who is finding his enlightened, metrosexual attitudes are not serving him well in post apocalyptic world, “I guess I could reach out to them, tell them about hope and change and show them some of my dance moves. That might make them understand the advantages of sharing their space and resources with members of a superior, right - on species. If it doesn’t work I don’t know what I can do, they’re monsters.”

“Don’t call them monsters, you racist bigot, thy have a right to live the lifestyle they choose and we must respect their culture and celebrate their diversity.” says PCLF.

You think I exaggerate? Consider some of the ideas discussed by this conference, organised by the party that gave us such democratic and libertarian ideas as all women or all back selection lists for Labour constituency parties in safe seats to choose their candidates, deselection of sitting MPs who dare to think for themselves and 42 day detention without for people suspected of having beards or possessing equipment that could be used in the growing of beards.

One senior Labour woman told the Boggart Blog political correspondent covering the conference: “I have found myself asking ‘What would have happened last September if Lehman Brothers had been Lehman Sisters?”

We can tell her they would still have gone bankrupt but the offices at Corporate HQ would have had nice curtains.

When women take on the task of talking about how to put the world to rights the assumption that in the same circumstances and given the same tools and resources as men they would be certain to do a better job is, is it not, a tad lacking in logical foundations?

There was much talk at the Labour women’s conference of rebuilding the financial sector as a “gender neutral zone” whatever that is. The main topic to excite the PCLFs though was their idea that the recession could actually work in favour of women. As Corporations seek to make savings on executive pay they see opportunities for women executives to ascend the career ladder as they have always had to accept lower pay than men and are therefor more recruitable.

So then, after all these decades of feminist grizzling about equal pay, you would think women might acknowledge the fact that by ignoring them we were doing them a favour.