Sunday, June 1, 2014

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: DETROIT

Detroit is becoming a desolate wasteland and no one seems to care. Cops are acting like brigands, cars are being carjacked at a frightening pace, and homes sell for as little as $1000. Now comes word that the city's water supply is about to be turned off to hundreds of thousands of people. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Mahbad Moghadam- The former head of Rap Genius, a site that lets people talk about rap lyrics, was forced to step down after saying some truly questionable remarks. Seems he read the manifesto from the psycho that gunned people down in Isla Vista last week (I try to use killers names as few times as possible so others will not try to copy actions if fame is their ultimate goal), and commented on how well written it was (it wasn't) and weird comments about how hot "no will touch my winkie," boy's sister was because he commented how he hated hearing his sister have sex in the next room. EEWWW. Why would his sister being hot have anything to do with that? I swear people are getting dumber by the second.

2)Ann Hornaday- What is it with this latest spree killer that has otherwise intelligent people saying the dumbest things possible? Another foot in mouth comes from this film critic who suggested the latest killings happened because of movies like Neighbors. WTF? Are you seriously saying that low brow comedies are causing people to murder one another? You seem to have forgotten Shakespeare wrote some pretty bawdy comedies for the time and people getting skewered by swords never happened. Her apology to Judd Apatow and Seth Rogan said that she didn't mean to single out that particular film but wondered if films like theirs were still responsible for male angst seen in record numbers. Yeah, it has nothing to do with the disintegration of the family due to two parents working 70 hours a week for no pay or the lack of good jobs for the young or even mental health care in this country, it's the movies. Go away Ann. If the paper you work for is looking for a new critic, I have experience and am apparently better qualified than you.

3)McCauley Culkin's band- Heroin has really taken over this former child star as he looks as bad I as I did at the height of my illness, and I had a reason to only weigh 105 pounds at least. This walking skeleton decided to try a questionable band parody unimaginatively called The Pizza Underground, which is Velvet Underground songs with lyrics changed to pizza related things. Ohh, funny. And Culkin plays the kazoo. Just shoot me. This is apparently what a pub in England thought as after only two songs they were booed off the stage while being pelted with booze. Is acting that hard to get back into because your band sucks? Bad!

4)Republicans- It was disgusting this week to watch Republicans demand the resignation of Eric Shinseki, which they got, while continently forgetting their own role in the whole debacle, not to mention the fact the VA has been in constant trouble since the inception of this country. That's over 200 years of problems but it's all Obama's fault right. Christ. These yahoos have shot down several bills that would have increased funding to the VA, allowed better access for veterans and other common sense ideas that were shot down for purely political reasons. It is horrifying to watch these old bastards scream about stuff that they caused while the idiot public buys into it. Can we please stop voting people like this into office who offer nothing but lip service? These facts are not exactly hidden, but our MSM never seems to mention it either. At least with Benghazi, even Fox News is starting to get tired of it. Laura Ingraham took a shot about Benghazi while discussing something completely unrelated on Chris Wallace's Sunday morning show, to which the panel laughed at her and commented how it's people like her who keep bringing this up for less and less effect. When Fox News is laughing at you, it's time to move on.

5)Vitali Sediuk- Some people are just begging to get shot. This ass is number one on that list. This "serial prankster," or another fancy name for douchebag, keeps attacking celebrities during red carpet affairs. He's tried to kiss Will Smith, dove under the dress of America Ferrera, grabbed Adele's Grammy from her during the 2013 telecast and other questionable antics. His latest attempt to physically attack Brad Pitt caused his immediate arrest, being fired from the Ukrainian TV station he worked for, a court date and a restraining order. Good Times.

6)Andrew David Truelove- If you are one of those people who think the Boston Bombing was a hoax, you're an idiot. Likewise goes for this brainpower who was convinced that the Sandy Hook shooting was some sort of false flag Obama committed to take away our guns. Please. So what did this ass extraordinaire do to get him arrested this week? First he stole a couple of signs from a memorial placed to remember the dead. Then he called the mother of one of the victims and called her all sorts of names while stating that her daughter never existed. Even funnier is the fact that he basically called the police on himself after talking with a reporter and claiming to be the one behind the theft and calls. This guy is too stupid to live.

7)Evergreen School system- After instigating a "pay to pee," rule at a local school, two girls wet themselves rather than pay up. Have we fallen so far that we have to be charged money to go to the bathroom? Parents are pissed (pun intended) but the third grade teacher has NOT been fired. Why? We seem to have a fit when some teacher actually teaches something like evolution, but letting students wet themselves is all right? This country is toast.

8)The Police- Can we have one freaking day without some story of some roided up cop killing puppies in a playground, shooting innocent bystanders or something equally repulsive? Nope. This week we had an Atlanta SWAT team throwing a stun grenade right into a baby's crib, seriously injuring the infant. Not surprisingly, it is still unclear if any drugs were even found in the house. This crap has got to stop as it is literally killing us. In King City, CA, six officers were arrested by the FBI after they found to be running an auto theft/blackmail programs that targeted the local Hispanic population. These dicks would steal cars, offer to sell it back to the owner, or placed them into forfeiture ranks if they didn't. The really sad part is that this police force is only 17 men deep, meaning a third at least were involved. This has led to the entire department being shut down while an investigation continues into how deep this really went. Way to screw up your careers, douchebags. And if you live in Detroit, the cops there are just as likely to mug you as the citizens. New laws need to be placed to make these much more serious crimes where anyone convicted goes to gen-pop where their life expectancy will be measured in minutes.

9)Obama and Bowe Bergdahl- This is one of the those double edges stories where I am glad a POW came home but also pissed that he got captured in the first place. This dumbass, for reasons I am still dying to know, walked away from his post at an Army base in Afghanistan five years ago carrying nothing more than a compass and a bottle of water. Why on God's green Earth would you walk into hostile territory without a weapon? Desertion comes to mind. Either way, he's been held by the Taliban until Obama traded him for five terrorists held in Gitmo. I don't know if this was worth the trade to be honest. Had Bowe been captured heroically fighting the Taliban I would have said good deal. But the fact that he was some douchebag who left his post makes me less interested in saving his sorry ass. If I was President, I don't know if I would have done this. These five let out could be much, much worse down the road.

10)Detroit- This town is toast. Services are dying. Cops are as criminal as the public. Because no one has a job, taxes revenues have all but stopped. And now comes word that the water is being turned off due to lack of payments. Kind of hard to pay for something when you have zero income. It hasn't helped that even though poverty and unemployment are soaring there, water rates went up 119% in the last ten years, which is far greater than the official inflation rate. As expected Corporations are being exempted from these shut offs, even though some owe millions in back payments. People on the other hand are losing their water at about 3000 customers per week. This is privatization at work. Instead of water being a right, it's a privilege mainly for the rich. What are people going to do with no running water? Detroit is going to sink further into Mad Max territory, that's what. Detroit has been mired in corruption from both sides of the aisle and has resulted in what was once one of the largest cities in the US to become a smoldering husk. This is our future America unless we wake up. So congratulations Detroit you are indeed douchebag of the week.