It’s my son’s birthday in a few days, and having resolved not to get one of these…

…we were kinda stuck for what to get him. You can’t replace a puppy with just anything, you know. To make it more challenging, we live in Thailand, and many of the things our son really likes aren’t available there. Since I’m traveling this week, the pull-a-rabbit-out-of-the-hat trick falls to me.

So, I set off to the Mega Mall across the street from my hotel in Manila and started praying for Pokemon. My son LOVES Pokemon – almost as much as he LOVES dogs. Chiang Mai leaves something to be desired in the Pokemon market, and I’ve kinda been thinking my kids are a bit of a toy fad anachronism. I mean, does anyone else still play with these things? I can’t find them anywhere.

But to prove that God still answers prayers, angles led me to this…

It’s the best store EVAH! Or at least my kids will think so.

I went with a list of about four different Pokemon that my son didn’t have, but I was bedazzled by the uniform rows of multi-colored pocket monsters. I thought, “When will I travel this way again? It may be now or never at the greatest store EVAH.”

So, I let the very helpful sales associates talk me into buying a few additional Pokemon. Then, I let another sales associate talk me into getting a basket, since baskets have much more sales potential than overloaded hands. At this point, I crossed some invisible “easy mark” threshold, and a half-dozen sales associates descended on me from all directions.

“Sir, what about a Pokemon button?”

“Sir, what about a Pokemon pillow?”

“Sir, what about some Pokemon stickers?”

“Sir, what about some Pokemon movies – make your son the happiest son in all the world!” (I had mistakenly let it slip that it was his birthday.)

“Sir, what about a Pokemon poster?”

“Sir, what about a Pokemon keychain?”

“Sir, Sir, Sir….”

I couldn’t resist their friendly sales pitches; I only managed to say “no” once or twice. Everything else I bought. It took them twenty-five minutes and two clerks to ring me up, and the whole time sales associates kept bringing me Pokemon hats, trading cards, figurines and one-of-a-kind Pikachu toy cars that are so rare that I’m not allowed to pay for them with a credit card – these are cash only items. They even opened some of the toys so that they could show me how fun they were to play with.

Many, many pesos later, I was allowed to leave the store. The receipt was almost as long as my arm! I could see the manager giving approving looks to her soldiers as they thanked me out of the store. They had brought in the big guy. Kudos and high fives all around (but wait until he leaves)!

Here’s the hunting party that took me down.

Yeah, I know they look friendly, but they are the worst kind of lethal. Of course, I did get something out of the deal. Here’s my haul…

And that’s how I’m going to get to be the best dad EVAH! my wife and I will get to be the best parents EVAH!

I don’t know what “sensoring” is, but it sounds gross. You can bet I wouldn’t be part of something like that. However, if you meant “censoring,” then I have to plead ignorance. My computer must know you better than I do, because I tried to approve your comments.