REDBOOK and Lawyers.com polled 1,092 adults across the country about family life — what's helping families, what's hurting them, and how to make all families closer and stronger. We also went beyond the numbers, surveying hundreds of REDBOOK readers to get the stories behind the stats. Here's what you told us.

Family matters — more than ever.

People put family first: 55% said that it's the most important thing in their life. And 89% agreed that "Starting my own family has been the most rewarding experience in my life." But family has influence beyond your private lives: A staggering 95% of respondents said that family life is important to maintaining a stable society — more important than education, the economy, health care, government, or religion.

�¡ YOU TELL US: What's so important about family?
"Family is a safe place, the one place you can just be you and not have to worry about impressing anyone." — Karen Freeman, 35, Solon, OH

"A good family relationship centers and supports a person so that they always feel safe and loved, no matter what happens out in the 'real' world." — Liz Moore, 43, Carson City, NV

"With family you know that when life hands you lemons, there are people to help make the lemonade." — Megan Riemer, 25, Lebanon, OR

You see families changing, mostly for the worse.

70% said that American families have changed for the worse, and 63% said that it's become harder to maintain family relationships. So what's hurting families? Divorce, of course: 88% of you said it has a negative impact — much more so than other changes in family structure such as dual-career or same-sex couples.

�¡ YOU TELL US: What have been the negative changes for families?
"The most negative change has been the two-career family. There are some families where both parents need to work, but in others both are working just to keep up all the luxuries that they feel they need. The kids lose out." — Shannon McCauley, 32, Philadelphia

"The American family is way too busy. I own a music studio, and I see kids showing signs of burnout at 7 and 8 because their parents want them to be involved in everything. What these kids really want is time to be kids!" — Cherylann Bellavia, 42, North Chili, NY

"There is more pressure to 'keep up with the Joneses,' which means working harder and harder, which takes away from family time." — Karen Freeman, 35, Solon, OH

You work hard to stay connected.

Although staying tight with family is difficult, you're making it a priority: 85% of respondents said that it's important to them — 61% said "very important" — to maintain close family relationships.

YOU TELL US: How do you keep your family close and strong? "We eat dinner together six nights a week. Unscheduled downtime together is also an important part of each week. And our faith and church involvement is central." — Chris Alire, 36, Lakeside, CA

"My daughter and her husband share a home with us. We all wanted their children to be raised in a good neighborhood, and the only way to afford that was to pool our money. All of us help with homework, after-school activities, and discipline." — Bronze Perez, 45, Boynton Beach, FL

"I listen. That is such a simple thing to do, which many parents may not understand. I will sit and listen to what my children have to say, and spend the time with them as their time." — D.M., 47, Levittown, NY

"My husband and I do lots of volunteer work, but it is always something that our sons can share. My younger son had his first 'volunteer' experience at two weeks old — he was right there with us and has been ever since!" — Kim Patton, 32, Topeka, KS

The future of families is looking brighter to the next generation of parents.

Younger adults are optimistic about family life: Among those under 30, only 58% feel that families have changed for the worse, and 15% of them (compared to just 6% of adults over 30) actually feel families have changed for the better.

YOU TELL US: What have been some positive changes for families? "More educational and work opportunities for women. As they say, 'If Mama's happy, everybody's happy!'" — Lisa Avant, 48, Cypress, TX

"It's difficult to make ends meet, but that also means people rely on relatives more for babysitting, carpooling, etc., which brings families closer." — Jacqui Gregory, 48, Henderson, KY

"All types of families seem to be acceptable, which makes children feel more secure when they come from blended families, divorce, or any other kind of nontraditional family." — Joni Flynn, 44, Niles, MI

"Dad isn't just the enforcer anymore. Men can cuddle their kids without fear of losing their macho image." — Shannon McCauley, 32, Philadelphia

You want help building stronger families — but not from the government.

38% of adults said they feel only somewhat knowledgeable or not at all knowledgeable about what it takes to maintain a strong family. You want guidance on family life, but 94% of you believe it should come from families themselves. Only 8% feel that government should provide it — and 60% agreed with the statement, "Government should be less involved in promoting marriage."

Families need support.

84% agreed that society does not place enough importance on family life. And that's a problem for all of us: 68% agreed that changes in the structure of the American family have negatively impacted America's place in the world.

YOU TELL US: What do families need to thrive? "More emphasis on family activities from schools, churches, and municipal bodies." — Lori Ehlenfeldt, 45, Eyota, MN

"Some type of resource or training for people — perhaps in high school — on relationships, marriage, and family life." — Kristin Hicks, 40, Danvers, MA

"A change in the perception that kids raise themselves. They need moral and spiritual values instilled at home. It is not the responsibility of teachers or football coaches." — Roberta Gibbs, 61, Jacksonville, FL

"More flexibility for parents in the workforce, more vacation time for working parents, more support networks so that families can have fun together but parents can also pursue their own interests, better child care for everyone. Stop judging others and realize that everyone must do what works best for them." — Tara Sweeney, 36, Oceanport, NY

The new normal: There is no "normal" family anymore.

72% of respondents agreed with the statement, "There is more than one way to define the term 'family.'" And compared to adults overall, people who are raising children are slightly more accepting of nontraditional family setups: They're less likely to say that non-nuclear families, single parenthood, or dual-career couples have had a negative effect on families.

Gay marriage and parenting continue to be hot-button issues for all Americans: 39% say that a gay couple raising children is "not at all acceptable." But like everything else about the American family, perceptions of gay couples are changing: 59% of adults under 30 agree that "Not allowing same-sex couples to marry goes against a fundamental American right that all people should be treated equally."

YOU TELL US: Do you support gay marriage? "I don't believe in gay marriage personally, but I would rather see a child grow up being loved and taken care of than with a family who doesn't care for them or no family at all." — Tammy Holmes, 27, Ballard, WV

"I feel that everyone has the right to walk, talk, breathe, and be happy. Who are we to judge? Only God can judge. I have seen some very strong gay relationships that would put most marriages to shame."
— Michele Keith, 41, Albuquerque, NM

"I don't have to know what happens behind closed doors and that goes for any couple, whether gay or straight, but I do feel that marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman." — Gina Brown, 41, Quinlan, TX

>3 Ways to Protect Every Family
With families changing faster than laws can keep up, it's important to make sure your loved ones are taken care of. But a full 85 percent of those surveyed in the Redbook/Lawyers.com poll don't feel knowledgeable about key family-law issues. It's a good idea for all adults to get a legal checkup every three to five years — or sooner if you've had a major life event, like having a child — just like you'd see a doctor for a physical, says Alan Kopit, legal editor of Lawyers.com. Whether you see a lawyer or use one of the many do-it-yourself legal services available, here's what you need to know to:

Protect your kids: Even if you don't have a penny to your name, it's smart to have a will outlining who should be the guardian of your kids if something happens to you — otherwise, the courts will decide. And if you're traveling without your children, consider giving someone health-care power of attorney to make medical decisions for them in an emergency.

Protect your property: Again, a will is crucial for making sure any property of yours goes to whom you want in the event of your death — especially if you're not legally married. Double-check the beneficiaries listed on life-insurance policies and retirement plans to make sure they agree with your will. Getting married? If you have significant assets, or if it's a second marriage, you may want to consider a prenuptial agreement. Another type of contract that's become increasingly common: cohabitation agreements, which outline terms when unmarried people live together — for example, who makes the mortgage payment, or how you'll split the kids' expenses.

Protect your health: A health-care power of attorney gives a person you designate the right to make health-care decisions for you if you can't. And a living will sets out how you want end-of-life decisions to be made (letting you specify, for example, that you would want to be given nutrition but not put on a ventilator). These documents help ensure that your wishes are understood and respected by the law and by the family you love.