Sunday, October 28, 2007

Great to see a full crowd at the Friday show. Great show, awesome fight, lots of beer, Friday well spent.

The London Times put up the sudoku puzzles used at the World Sudoku championships. You can download them here (warning, it's a broadsheet PDF prepared for A4 and it's huge, email me if you want jpegs of the puzzle pages). Over lunch today I had a stab at the championship puzzle. Winner's time, 12 minutes, 45 seconds. George the Bastard time, 14 minutes 30 seconds.

First rehearsal tonight for the upcoming 35 Below show. Get your $10 tickets at Eaties, Wink or at the door (or email - georgethebastard at gmail.com and I'll save some for you). It's going to be good to be back in the chihuahuas saddle again.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

George "The" Bastard rates this movie "get a guarantee of sex before going in"

Somewhere, sometime, a filmmaker watched "Hair" and thought "This film would be so much better if it had a happy ending and was all told in Beatles songs with contrived characters". It's a glorious train wreck, two hours of disaster upon disaster. It would have made a rather tight five minute play without the songs, basically if there was a line that could have been a line from a Beatles song, rather than just doing the line, let's do the whole song!

Evan Rachel Wood is funny trying to look like Bridget Fonda. T. V. Carpio has the misfortune of wandering through the movie without any point to her character, and the camera focusing squarely on a mole on her lip.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Working on sketches for the upcoming Feral Chihuahuas show, November 2nd, which is going to be great. We're premiering the new version of the Halloweenmas Carol (looks like I'm still playing the Bruce of Halloween Past), but I'm excited about my first poetic masterpiece (unless you count the Zombie Slam poem) in years - Cyrano de Bastard.

Friday, October 5, 2007

I've taken a bit of a break from the funny for a the last two weeks. I thought I had a stand-up spot lined up in Atlanta for this weekend, but it fell through, which is probably for the best, I can work on things in Asheville.

The Feral Chihuahuas and the Rebelles are presenting a Halloween Extravaganza! This is a full collaboration between the two groups, with a complete script featuring comedy and burlesque at its finest. Tickets are $20, and they will go fast. October 26 and 27 are the dates. I am not performing at this show (I'll be in the audience on the 26th) which is an added bonus.

I'm writing new material for our next set of Feral Chihuahuas shows. Stay tuned for dates, times and venues.

The Feral Chihuahuas TV show and DVD are being worked on by the uber-tech wizard Wyman Tannehill. Most of this is coming from the shows at 35 Below, but there's some new stuff we're filming for the final product. The Ferals will be flatter than ever before!

I started writing something a little different for the bastard that I hope to premiere at No Shame Theatre on October 27. I really like the idea, and I'm going to give it another go - last time I was pissed off that they got my name wrong, and the lighting guy jumped the cue and cut the lights before the end of the sketch. If you've always wanted to be in a George "The" Bastard sketch, come along and act for me.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

These guys are awesome! I can't believe they didn't have posters of their little abortions wrapped around quarters to sell. Last time I saw them set up, I got a little card table, a coathanger and a bicycle pump and a sign saying "Abortions While U Wait". Good times.

My new most dangerous spot for cyclists in Asheville - the parking lot outside Caffiend. There's almost enough room to swing a small car in and out of those spots, heaven forbid an old van versus a fat bastard on a little silver bike.

Sorry to report that both I and the bastard bike are OK, but it's fun to push against a van while you're riding.

Welcome to the now AWARD WINNING!!! blog of the Bastard. I was quickly whisked off the stage by the "Get off the stage" music and didn't get to complete my speech that I had written in anticipation of being justly awarded "Least Likely to Make Money by Blogging", which I now reproduce in its entirety.

I would like to thank everyone who voted, but there really isn't any point. I thoroughly deserve this award. Actually, it's an embarrassment to be considered in the same lack of depth with the losers in this category, who clearly stand to make far more money than I from this blogging of which you speak. Take Brainshrub for example, nothing but banner ads and PayPal links. It is well known that Easy Bake Coven is just a front for identity theft, and over at Modern Peasant the first thing that hits you is an ad to buy a book. I must confess that Susan From the Right is my alter-ego, which should be obvious from our blogs having exactly the same layout, and So Much For Tact almost gave me a run for the money in this category, however made the vital mistake of being funny and readable.

So suffer in your underwear, losers. There can only be one truly pathetic, unable-to-cash-in blogger and it's me. All me. Don't bother hanging around for the rest of the awards, this is the climax. Thank me.

(if you would like to prove me wrong and book the bastard to bring down the mood of your next event - email georgethebastard at gmail.com for details)

As for the rest of the evening, it was fun to meet people and put faces to names. Excellent venue, gracious hosts, and a rather nice sulfuric acid drink donated by Bruisin' Ales. For those detractors, there's something refreshing about vaguely peachy flatulence in the morning to go with your cinnamon buns.

About Me

I am Asheville's most offensive, least-funny stand-up comedian. Come see my shows with the Feral Chihuahuas and other projects. Also read about intractable crosswords and my frustration at being unable to solve them.