A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the...

Jokes so terrible you have to smile]]>Mayonnaise Jar and Two BeersMon, 19 Jan 2015 17:43:16 +0000http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2977
http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2977invalid@example.com (Joker)Joker
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into...

Mayonnaise Jar and Two Beers]]>Weather forecastingFri, 28 Nov 2014 13:18:03 +0000http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2814
http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2814invalid@example.com (Joker)Joker
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But,...

Weather forecasting]]>Sly fishingTue, 18 Nov 2014 10:51:42 +0000http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2754
http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2754invalid@example.com (Joker)Joker
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.

A tipsy-looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.

'Fishing,' the old man said simply.

'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.

As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have...

Sly fishing]]>Great definitionsFri, 04 Apr 2014 14:34:20 +0000http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2438
http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2438invalid@example.com (Joker)Joker
CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
Rolled in paper
With fire at one end
And a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
Wherein
A man loses his bachelors degree
And a woman gains her masters

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
From the notes of the lecturer
To the notes of students
Without passing through the minds
Of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
Multiplied by the
Number present...

Great definitions]]>LexophileMon, 10 Mar 2014 08:52:48 +0000http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2421
http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2421invalid@example.com (Joker)Joker
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as Mummy comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog because Mum said that as soon as you...

Image uploaded by: Joker]]>The Caring GrandfatherFri, 29 Mar 2013 11:04:32 +0000http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2072
http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/2072invalid@example.com (Joker)Joker
It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle and for fruit, cereal and drinks in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a gentle controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . Easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say again "It's...

The Caring Grandfather]]>The RabbitWed, 25 May 2011 15:58:12 +0000http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/1063
http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/1063invalid@example.com (Joker)JokerA rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit...

Confucius]]>Posted in a golf club in ScotlandTue, 22 Feb 2011 10:07:29 +0000http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/940
http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/940invalid@example.com (Joker)JokerAn actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland , UK

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.

5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER....

Posted in a golf club in Scotland]]>Your Duck is DeadTue, 30 Nov 2010 12:07:28 +0000http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/828
http://www.sevenoaksforum.com/posts/828invalid@example.com (Joker)JokerA woman brought a very limp duck into a Sevenoaks veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.After a moment or two, the Sevenoaks vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom ?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us."

***

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft...

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no...

An Irishman by the name of Paul McLean moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers.

The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly, at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering...

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'