Saturday, March 15, 2008

Last night I was hanging out with some super sweet folks from the cell bio department, and I accidentally stumbled upon a perfect plan to 'dispose of' Christopher Hitchens should he start going a little too crazy. I call it 'Project Maotai.'Maotai is a Chinese rice wine-- like saki or whatever, I guess. Its considered a lovely gift for someone 'higher up' than you, so Chinese post-docs frequently give Dr. Cell Bio bottles of it for gifts.

Minor problem.

It smells and tastes like butt hole.

So as a joke, Dr. Cell Bio gave me a shot of Maotai just to see me gag... But I loved it! Warm, spicy flavor and an unearthly (literally painful) kick. It was like a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster-- LUV!

Some people in the room declared that we couldnt be friends anymore. The fact I liked Maotai grossed them out too much (their gag reflexes were kicking in just watching me drink it).

So here is the EAC plan, should Hitchens get too unruly: I innocently challenge him to a drinking contest. Weapon, Maotai. He cannot win. The EAC survives.

9 comments:

Sadly, Abbie, there is a major flaw in your plan. In order to have a chance of this to work, Hitchens needs to be sober.

I know from my own experience, when drunk enough, one could drink almost anything. Near the end of one night of general mayhem, I got the bright idea idea of making a drink, one half vodka and one half whiskey. It tasted great! The next day, I was able to remember that I came up with this great drink. So I tried it again when I was sober. I gagged on it. Never tried the concoction again.

In order for the plan to work, Hitchens must not be too drunk. Then you better hope he does not share your taste for drink.

A group of us moved into our new student dive and found a bottle of Mystery Booze. Being student-types we tried some. It was one of the most repulsive things I've ever tasted; just the smell is enough to make me gag. We keep it around for occasions where giving someone a shot of fermented hell is justified.

I had Maotai in 1987 while attending a party at the home of a Stonybrook Computer Science professor. A Chinese student had brought it and offered a taste to those attending. I enjoyed the taste, not put off by the brake-fluid can it came in, while several other people compared it to jet fuel, which makes me wonder about their drinking habits. :)

I was subletting from a Taiwanese couple at the time. When I mentioned the Maotai, I was told that it's illegal in Taiwan.