{Building Castles in the Air}

Once Upon a Time….

It has been a while. My internship is the most important thing to note. I am enjoying it quite a lot, and I’m confident I am going to learn a tremendous amount that will be super helpful to me; however, there is something boiling in the back of my brain about this placement. I am sleeping terribly every night before placement. Sleep before school days – perfecto. Weekend sleep – perfecto. I’m concerned, so I have scheduled a long overdue appointment with my Head Doc. My moods have been erratic, and I think it might be from alcoholism-related concerns stirred up by my internship rather than from bipolar disorder.

There have been a few internship experiences of note. The first was sitting in a room for a prescreening with a well-groomed, well-spoken man wanting to cease his medication in order to start working (the medications made him too tired to work). The only negativity the man exhibited was in explaining his girlfriend’s negativity. About 20 minutes into the session, the man indicated that the girlfriend was sitting next to him telling him negative things about the possible outcome of our program. I found myself nervous throughout the rest of the session.

The next experience of note occurred in an art therapy group. The participants were asked to draw what they were feeling. One of the members showed a drawing of her family “the way [she] wishes they were but knows they will never be.” My heart ached.

Next was a blow-up in the anger management group, which is amusing in its way. Easiest way to describe it: a woman, in the anger management group, screaming – yes, screaming – “I. Am. Not. Angry!” I feel a bit guilty for having been so amused.

Also, I sat in on an intake session for a man who is such a chauvinist, but he’s actually kind of amusing. The points of interest: he called the other social worker in the room (a woman) gorgeous, he asked us (the social workers) if we’d like to go for a drink when the session was over, and as I made his next appointment he accused me of being high. I told him that I of course was not, at which he smiled and said, “It’s Friday…it’s OK, right?” I actually asked my supervisor if this guy can be one of my individual clients because I think it’ll be great experience. She said yes. So I have my first client!

Finally, I ran my first solo group today. A couple of the clients were testing my boundaries, I think, but all-in-all I think it went well. There was, though, a lot of advocacy of methadone hoarding; I had to turn the conversation away from that several times, and I found myself growing even more concerned about the harm reduction model after the group. Learning to either appreciate or understanding my qualms about harm reduction is the reason I wanted this internship, though, right? Right.