Laments & Observations

Cautious Optimism March 27, 2011

It’s been a week since The Layoff and I have to say I’m feeling pretty darn good, which I never would have predicted. Me, the one who when there’s nothing on the horizon to worry about, will start imagining apocalyptic scenarios. The one who’s usually up in the middle of the night and all thoughts are falling anywhere in the realm of What If to WE’RE GOING TO DIE.

I lost my job and I’ve slept better in the last week than I have the past three months. Go figure.

That’s not to say I’m not, well, concerned is probably a good word. My Jew guilt would never let me completely be good with the prospect of being unemployed for any length of time. And yes, I am slightly trepidacious picturing life a week from tomorrow when I’ll have nowhere to be at 8:30 a.m. But strangely, and this is new, I’m feeling…dare I say…excited. I don’t want to get all into that whole everything happens for a reason garbage, because I don’t entirely buy into that. I still don’t understand the reason why people like my dad aren’t here anymore yet Charlie Sheen continues to live well and prosper. But I do think sometimes maybe when you’ve been sort of lethargic and complacent and life comes along and kicks your ass all of a sudden, it’s good to recognize you probably needed that asskicking.

Though it was by no means awful, I hadn’t really been happy at work for a long time. The university itself, well it’s still my first choice of where I want to be. But my particular department was pretty much a part of USC in name only. Our office is a condemnable building (they prefer the term “historic”) off the beaten path and not really close to where the majority of students and college atmosphere are. It took a good half mile or so of walking to get to where I felt that, which is something I did often, just to remind myself that yes, I actually do work on campus. I wasn’t unhappy enough to be actively looking for another job, but let’s be real – that was mostly laziness. Job hunting is nobody’s idea of fun (or if it is, that’s cool you weirdo) so usually if given the choice one probably wouldn’t do it unless necessary.

Obviously now it’s necessary, but thankfully we’re not in a position where I have to take the first thing I can get. No this isn’t the ideal time to be looking for a job, by any means. But I just have a feeling, for once, that things are going to turn out okay. Maybe a month from now I’ll look back on this post and laugh (and cry) ruefully, but right now I’m optimistic and I’m going to ride out this feeling as long as possible.