Bidadari Hati

Monday, October 30, 2006

yes! the first card is ready... my company is now open for business... f-tersix sdn bhd... i received the company number seminggu sebelum hari raya... masa tu memang dah tak sabar dah nak update, but i still have to wait for the card untuk siap dulu, baru nampak official sikit kan... as you can see, there is a web address on the card, tapi i just got it so belum dapat buat apa-apa lagi... takpalah, slow and steady... taknak nanti sampai tak cukup tangan nak terpa semuanya sekali gus... but the most important thing is that i dah booked the domain... thank you to boy yang tolong buatkan...

sebenarnya masih lagi banyak benda yang perlu dilakukan... this is just the initial stage... orang kata macam tapak pertama... Alhamdulillah, semuanya berjalan dengan agak baik dan tersusun walau terdapat sedikit ranjau di sana sini... perjalanan masih jauh but i have a very good business partner yang i rasa will always keep me on track... setakat ni pun sokongan teman-teman sangat kuat... you know who you are... thank you so much... and i really hope that the support will continue... at the same time, dah ada a few business deals which are very promising... insyaAllah, bila sudah ada black and white, i akan update kan...

to those yang meminati diddy, don't forget to watch his performance hari sabtu nanti for hitz.tv kat sunway lagoon... he will be singing two english songs, and i promise you it will be something excellent, insyaAllah... it will not be diddy yang you tengok masa af... it will be much better! if i'm not mistaken, that event start dalam pukul 2.00petang... nanti bila i dapat more information, i akan bagitau...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

"in view of hari raya celebration,the rush schedules you have been going through and to celebrate the opening of f-tersix, your love one is taking you for a short escapade, hopefully to rejuvenate your soul... details as follow: date - 21 oct 06, time - have a good rest, just sleep early... will be woken... venue - you don't need to know... what to pack - will be packed for you... what to bring - wear comfortable, slippers, ic, driving license, wallet, camera (optional), sunglasses, cigarattes and lighter..."

that was the sms i received from someone very special in my life... not many people know, but i love suprises... and what's important, it came from someone that you love and you really care about... things were tough for the past couple of days for me and this special person could actually see right through me... just a few days before hari raya, my stress level was at its peak... my blood-pressure was 160 over 118... horrible, horrible headache... oh well, bla.. bla... bla... bla... same old thing kan... macam dah tak ada benda baru nak cerita... anyway, i hope i will be able to cope with my stress soon... it has to be really soon... oh well... oh well...

"wake up... it's time..."

i look at the clock, 5.30am... a small bag was ready by the door... so i took a quick shower and jumped on the car...

"mana kita nak pergi?"

"just wait and see... it's still early... why don't you close your eyes and relax... take a nap or something..."

i closed my eyes and woke up an hour later with heavy traffic on the highway...

"we are on the highway going north... where to?"

"you'll have to wait... it seems like everyone is going back to their hometown for raya at the same time..."

"today, you just relax... do not think of anything else... just you... just you"...

i look at the watch... it says 7.30am... the place was beautiful, quiet and so peaceful... hot spring spa... penuh dengan tumbuhan yang menghijau...

i felt good... dah lama benar tak rasa macam tu... at first, i thought i had this weird feelings... tapi rupanya i actually felt good from inside... genuinely rasa lega... not just on the surface... jauh dari kebisingan, tak ada masalah dalam fikiran, tak ada sesiapa except myself... i know that all those things will come back, but at that point of time, i don't care... all i know was that i have that two short hours to myself... kelegaan yang dah lama i tak rasa...

"stop trying so hard to make everyone likes you... i love you for who you are, and they should too... if not, they are not your real friends... you don't have to impress them!"

expectation... hmmmm... oh, this conversation took place later, but sebelum i lupa, i better put it down... honestly, i thought my relationship was fine... i thought it was smooth sailing... maybe not smooth sailing, but it was okay... i tak pernah terfikir yang dia rasa otherwise... trust me, never take anything for granted... time to save my relationship...

it was the best two hours... well, i had fun the whole day actually... i rasa lega dan lapang... thank you my love... terasa berat hati driving back to kl... seperti kembali ke tempat yang penuh dengan masalah dan kepedihan... but i realised, all of these add colours to our lives...

and yes, i terlupa jugak nak updatekan on the next phase of my life tuh... sebenarnya dah siap dah type semuanya, but something went wrong and before i sempat nak savekan entry tuh, it went blank... so i nak kena start all over again, but i have yet to find the time to really sit down and re-write everything... tunggulah dulu... and i do have one happy announcement to make, tapi tunggulah dulu sikit yach... biar cardnya siap dulu... muhahahaaa... nanti baru dikira official, ya tak? harap-harap it won't slip my mind yet again lah...

for the past few months, i work very damn hard... like i have never work before... i throw in 16 to 18 hours a day including my weekends... my relationship pun ada masanya turn sour... jelousy memerangkap keadaan... i was hardly home either... masa dihabiskan di office dan di luar... kalau adapun masa-masa di rumah, i habiskan dengan membaca rujukan-rujukan yang ada, looking through those papers and internet, trying to cramp up as much as i can about the new thing that i want o venture... persoalan demi persoalan timbul setiap masa... is it worth it? is this what i want? am i doing the right thing? ada hari, i rasa i dapat jawapannya, but ada masanya it was back to square one... i have nervous break-down... at times i even lose my senses... my blood-pressure was way up... it reaches a point where my body couldn't take it anymore... physically and mentally exhausted... oh god!!! it was really hard to even jot it down... too private... and too humiliating... memang susah nak terangkan macam mana perasaan yang i lalui... it's hard to explain...

Sunday, October 01, 2006

goshhh... it is something amazing... tak dapat nak digambarkan dengan perkataan... kadangkala i felt like it was light-years ago, but ada masanya terasa baru sajer semalam... those crazy ups and downs, the sleepless nights, the arguments, hot-temper, the sadness, the heart-breaking moment... yup, susah nak digambarkan dengan kata-kata apa yang i rasa...but the moment is here now... at least, my first step towards having my own company and doing something for myself...

i masih ingat that moment when i had the biggest argument with vernon... kami bergaduh besar... it was his first time at konsert akademi fantasia... watching it live... in his excitement, he totally 'forgot' that i am the biggest supporter of diddy... and he was going around giving what *he thinks* his 'honest' opinion... we gaduh besar on the phone, through smses... i was upset! really upset... well, honestly, i was more upset with myself... i thought i was fighting a loosing battle... how can i, someone who is nobody in the industry, change the perception of these influencial people?!? jenuh i bercerita dengan sesiapa yang i jumpa tentang kelebihan diddy... kering tekak i meminta teman-teman wartawan untuk menulis tentang diddy... i was mentally exausted... and suddenly, this mr manager came to the picture and based on just one concert, dia gelarkan persembahan diddy sebagai 'busuk'... i was shattered! macam-macam yang i rasa ketika tu... again, memang tak boleh nak digambarkan dengan perkataan...

but, knowing that our friendship is not built in one day, we managed to talk... we talk and talk and talk... to a level that he understood... to a point that he sees what i see... to a degree that he believes what i believe... one of his sms says "good morning... anytime you need to talk or bounce ideas about diddy or the album project, feel free to call ok... where i can help or offer an opinion, i will... ikhlas... the entertainment business is fraught with pitfalls and i don't want to see a friend invest his savings sia-sia.. you can count on my support..." i was speechless... the only thing that i could reply to him at that time was thank you... then came another sms "i realised you're serious about this project and about futhering diddy's career and therefore i am willing to support you all the way... study him first though before you commit your investment..." and yes, i studied him... there were times that i was hundred percent sure, but there were other times that i was in doubt...

bila diddy terkeluar daripada akademi, i thought to myself, this is it! i should grab the opportunity to do something great... you see, during one of our gathering kat rumah vernon di bangsar, there was a talk about doing a duet song antara yanie dan seorang pelajar akademi fantasia... i don't want to mention any names... tapi masa tu i diamkan diri sajer... but now, i really want to get diddy to do the duet with yanie, and the opportunity to talk to vernon presented itself during another gathering kat rumah dia during the pra-dengar lagu drama... i was a bit haru biru, my heart beats so hard that i think the whole condo-building tuh boleh dengar... and there it was... the handshake... nothing in writing... a little verbal conversation... but, there was a handshake... to seal the deal that diddy will be doing a duet song with yanie... mind you, at that time, i have yet to speak to anyone from maestro.. i have yet to think about anything else, but the handshake... the next day i received one sms from him "have spoken to sharon paul and aidit alfian to seek duet songs... will speak to hazami and audi next... other composers / producers worth trying are mohariz and azmeer...." again, i was stunt! now that the ball starts rolling, there is no turning back... i need to move fast... i catched up with aman from maestro, and he was ok with it! Alhamdulillah!!! but i still need to speak to melvyn since he is the head of maestro recording... managed to set an apppointement with him, and he is ok with it too!!! catch up with freddie fernandez, and he gives his greenlight!

then the afmasuk! terus jadi pening kepala... i need to sit down with diddy and after our little discussion, he really wants to be in... really... so i told him, i will support him all the way... but we do need to do something... need to change his image... his 'old' image has to go... he has to cut his hair... he has to change the way he perform... he has to be different... diddy dapat lagu diari seorang lelaki... he told me he doesn't really know the song... masa ni, i was away in phuket with rudy and neo for a short holiday... i sent him one sms "diddy, do your very best but have fun! lots and lots of fun! apa jua lagu yang diddy dapat, buat sampai diddy jatuh cinta dengan lagu tu... then other people will love it too... good luck!" balik dari phuket, hampir setiap hari we sitdown to go through his performance yang bakal dibuat... i want something different... i want somebody who is 20 years old, not 35 years old on the stage... vernon sms me after diddy's performance, "his colours are finally shining now!!! what did you say to him?"... leen sms, "i am so proud of diddy! rasa nak lari naik stage peluk dia... wah overina!"izreen sms, "bestnya diddy perform! muka dia nampak relax... enjoy jer!" then, another sms from vernon, "i've watched all his performances and tonight was his best vocally, feel-wise, and delivery... he showed a side of him i've never seen before, and honestly, i like it! if he keeps this up, the duet song audi wrote will suit him perfectly! you have done a great job!"

and on monday after that concert, i received the song from audi... after some minor changes, it's perfect!!!