First came love.
Then came marriage (and IF).
Now we're looking for a DOUBLE BABY CARRIAGE!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Feeling a little overwhelmed

So I thought I was okay with last cycle's BFN. Then last night, Mr. MBC and I had a little tiff, nothing major and over something completely ridiculous. After the silence standoff, he and I were talking and I just broke down. I have cried for 5 days straight. While I'm an emotional person and where my heart on my sleeve, I'm not a crybaby!

Somethings that came out of mine and Mr. MBC's talk....

I've realized that I've been oblivious to the let-down he feels as each month passes. I guess since I talk about it, blog about it, and think about it all.the.time., I forgot that he doesn't have a child on the way either.

Also, I realized that IF is a "personal" matter to Mr. MBC. My real life friend, K, and I started our last cycle within 3 days of each other and did the same protocol. She and I would text several times a day about stuff. Mr. MBC is not a fan of texting, so I just thought that was where his frustration came from. Not from the fact that I was discussing our "personal" issues with someone else.

Mr. MBC pointed out to me that I no longer say "When we have a kid..." but rather I've started saying "If we have a kid....". He thinks that this battle has turned me into a different person. I'm typically very optimistic and look at the best case scenario. While I feel like that's who I am still, I don't approach IF with that same attitude. I honestly feel defeated. And I don't know how to get over that feeling.

We discussed IVF and decided that we would figure out a way to make the financial side of it work if our journey comes to that.

I'm looking forward to my baseline appointment tomorrow. I have quite the list of questions to ask my nurse since she and I have been playing phone tag for the past 2 days. I give up and well just take time in the morning to talk things through with her.

1 comment:

Just found your blog. I'm right there with you on this cycle. My first IUI was August 1 and it failed. I was OK with my BFN the first day then got a little sadder, and a little sadder... My ""Mr" is also highly sensitive to me discussing this with the world. Keeping my fingers crossed for you for IUI #2