A couple of days ago I volunteered in Leta’s kindergarten class for a writing workshop they hold every week, and since I show up early for everything I got to talk to her teacher while the kids finished playing outside. She said Leta was integrating well and asked how it was at home with the newborn, and suddenly I’m reflexively gushing about how much I love it and can’t get enough.

GAH?

WHA?? WHO???

And I found myself wanting to talk about how that morning when Marlo woke up at 3 AM to feed I couldn’t wait to snuggle her up under my arm and lie there with her fuzzy head up under my chin. OH! And our favorite part of the day now is the moment Leta pokes her head into our bedroom in the morning and whispers with a scream, “IS THE BABY AWAKE?!” Her head a giant mushroom cloud of tangles as she runs and hops up in between us, and Marlo looks up with a grin so wide there is no room left on the bed.

Yeah, there are really frustrating times, experiences everyone has as they juggle this kid off to school while trying to make the house quiet for the other kid’s nap. And work and errands jammed into the tiny cracks of time left in the day. But that baby… I don’t know how to explain what she’s done to me, to Jon, and especially to Leta who loves her more than anything else in her life, who now shows a level of tenderness and generosity that I didn’t know she possessed. It’s like Marlo has brought us to Here, with the capital H, that place we’ve always been trying to get to, the place that always seemed unattainable and out of reach. She’s brought us into The Now, and it feels absolutely magical.

I will always remember how hard it was the first time, and I will always sympathize with women who struggle they way that I did. But now I feel like I can understand the others who beamed when talking about life with an infant. I get it now. Yes, I know this makes me some droning mommyblogger, but I also hope that this, from the perspective of someone who has lived through the blinding demons of sadness and hopelessness, might give someone out there a glimpse of what it can be, and maybe they’ll go for it.

Wow, this post stuck my at my very core. My daughter is six and dying for a sibling. I had such bad PPD I’ve been terrified to even think about it. Just knowing your story helps…a lot.
Thank you.

http://tootandotto.blogspot.com/ Paulette

Oh wow, Michelle Rebeiro Yoakum Mcbee!

Kate

This made me cry (in a good way).

I hope you know how much we appreciate you sharing this with us. Screw the haters – they don’t get it, and they’re missing out. Reading about your life, whether it’s the mundane or political or hilarious or mistakes or home improvement projects or child rearing or depression or religion or crack-addicted hooker chickens… it just makes me feel good to learn so much about the life of another person. I don’t care what haterpeople say. You’re incredibly admirably courageously real and true to yourself.

So thank you.

http://handmadebymira.wordpress.com Mira

Beautifully written =) Thanks for sharing Heather.

Tina

OMG you owe me bottles and bottles of Tylenol for making my ovaries scream neglect after that vid. And it’s Wilco soundtrack. Precious & adorable.

BTW, I don’t mean to demean those readers who are struggling with fertility issues, but if children and babies are a particularly sensitive topic, why would you read a mommyblog?

http://yummantra.blogspot.com Leslie

A friend who recently had a baby said to me (me, who hasn’t yet had a baby but WANTS one): “I think you’d be a good mom, so I don’t want to scare you off by telling you my birth story.”

AAAAHHHHH!

So, THANK YOU for posting stuff that illustrates exactly why I want a baby. Or two. Or ten…

http://maineliving.blogspot.com Paulla

This is just precious. And who cares WHAT you sound like – I’m so happy for you. What a gift. And you deserve it. Enjoy!

http://www.midiane.com Midiane

Heather, Marlo is beautiful. Love the big blue eyes. But yes, you definitely gave birth to Jon.

Midiane.

Karen

1. I just started reading this yesterday after I saw it mentioned in Brain, Child and OMG, thank you for making me laugh so hard yesterday. I, too, had shingles with a nursing newborn and I feel every bit of your pain.
2. After reading today, sort of sorry I don’t live in Salt Lake City – I think we could be good friends. I had this with #2, and then with #3 it’s even MORE intense.
3. the haters are so unbelievably sad and shocking. i just can’t believe people write things like that to you and the ads on those pages make me SO HAPPY.

thanks – looking forward to tomorrow!

Beth

That is so awesome. Makes me very happy for you! Also, great song. Who is it?

Sarah Vhay

I’m working on convincing my husband to have another one, so I forwarded him a link to your blog. Thanks for helping in my campaign for baby #2! I’m so happy for you!

Dawnelle

Now sitting at my desk crying thinking about my 10 week old in daycare. I wish I could be a stay at home mom. I miss those moments every second.

michelle

Okay, straight away I have to THANK you for that monetizing the Hate page on your blog. I just did a spit take to the post about “Marla” and “Lotta” and therapy, blah, blah. Too freaking funny. I hope you laughed even harder than I did!

And this post… just beautiful. I’m off to bathe my 2 and 4 year old and while they pour soapy water into each other’s mouths, instead of having an anxiety attack, I’ll just live in the now. And laugh.

Rachel

I completely understand. My first was an adjustment and not what I (we) expected at all. The second has been some sort of euphoria for us all. And, it only gets better. But, we’ll be stopping at two, thank you very much.

http://mykidsarebetterthanyours.com Michelle

I completely know how you feel. As obnoxious as it sounds, my kids are my reason for being. My 3rd is what completed the package. Watching the 3 of them interact brings forth emotions I never knew existed.

Anonymous

so true, you are so right.

i want to tell women who suffered through PPD, like I did, and went on to have 3 more: it’s alright. it’ll be alright…it’ll just become a part of your history.

Amy Connolly

Stop. Making. Me. Cry. Goddammit!

That video is just too sweet for words.

Meredith

I have a 5 year old son and a 3 month old son so I can really relate to what you’re going through now. My older son loves his little brother and kisses on him constantly. It’s a beautiful thing to see.

Your girls are so lucky that they will have all the videos and photos and words, especially the words. What a gift you are giving them.

barb sigelbeagle

It’s great to have siblings who will love each other(most days.) I have 2 sister, 1 is 6 years older, the other 11 years older. They continue to tell me they have no memory of me whatsoever. Good thing I think highly of myself!

Joy

Thank you, thank you, thank you! We are expecting our first any day now and this was exactly what I needed to hear.

http://chelseywaters.com/soapbox chelfea

That’s really sweet. Normally I come here to appreciate the snark and sarcasm (I have a problem, I know), but you do a nice job of balancing it with posts like this.

All the best.

http://www.fivebyfivephotography.com Scott

“…Marlo looks up with a grin so wide there is no room left on the bed”

THAT kind of writing, you nay-sayers, is why we love the Heather.

Sara

That video is so beautiful and precious, just like your girls.

http://jenn-depaula.blogspot.com/ Jenn dePaula

My husband and I had our first child, Isaac, 7 months ago. He is hands down the most amazing thing to ever enter into our lives. But while I love him in a way that scares the shit out of me, I looked at my husband when Isaac was two days old and said, “How do you feel about an only child??” While having one child is enough of a miracle for this gal, I have to be honest when I say I really wonder if I could have another.

But after reading this post, seeing how happy you all are together, I have to say, it has cracked me open a little. Thanks for sharing. If I could hand you a shot of bourbon and a kiss on the cheek through the screen, I would.

Birdie

Thank you for this post. It seems like all you hear about these days is how hard kids are, and how there are all these things that people aren’t really telling you about how it will take away your life and your freedom, etc. But I think all that is happening is that people have stopped talking about the complete and mind blowing joy that is possible when you have kids. I’ve heard the horror stories, now I want to hear about all the good stuff

Tyler

Been a lurker for a long time… finally coming out. I LOVE the hate section! Probably the best idea on the Internet since Porn. Way to monetize!!!!

http://melissalipking.wordpress.com Melissa

I have never commented before, but I’ve been reading your blog for a couple years now. I think you are doing a fantastic job! I’m a new mommy (have a 10 month old girl) so I’m still learning the ropes but I love coming here to see how you juggle two kids…and you obviously know what you are doing!

Just checked out the new “hate” site…Wow, I cannot believe people like that exist. All I can sum it up to is a sick and twisted amount of jealousy for what you have and what they don’t have…but they WISH they had.

Keep up the great work!

sheetal

I don’t know what to say, this video, the moment it’s captured touched my black little city girl soul.

http://roomswithaview.typepad.com/ Shaun

Only you can make me cry and laugh at the same time. Beautiful video of two beautiful little girls. Priceless.

Ailis

I have an almost 7-month old and things have been pretty normal and happy since his arrival, for which I’m grateful. The hardest thing for me was and is having to leave him at day care to go to work but I think it is good for us in some ways and not as good in others. Ah…the eternal debate. But my husband and I are talking about a second in maybe 18 months or so. And while I really want another, the thought of managing two is daunting. Thank you for showing me how wonderful it is.

caitlin

oooh it makes me want 6 more!

Rachelle

So perfect! I love how you explained it. Maybe the second one feels different because we understand it more, or we feel less overwhelmed by it all. We’re more prepared. Perhaps. But I felt the same way… my girls are also 5 years apart… the are now 9 and 4 and I wouldn’t give a moment of it back.

http://www.coldhouserules.blogspot.com/ JB

You, by no means, are a dull Mommy Blogger! I love the new feel! Your happiness is deserved and contagious.

http://paigerun.blogspot.com Paige

Exactly how I felt (and still feel) after my second. And he was the colicky screaming nightmare, but even so – minus the weight of the post partum depression, it felt like heaven. He is a supremely grumpy 1 year old now and it still feels that way. Enjoy, it gets better and better.. my girl is also a wonderful big sister. I feel like he completed me in a way I would never have been without him. I get it. Bless you guys.

rawqueen

Sometimes we discover, we were always waiting for them, maybe it made us blue. Moreover, they were waiting on each other. I think your post might inspire us to go a third round. Though madness at times, the fleeting moments of sweetness are tender to the bone and imprinted forever…

Jess F.

I love all the pink and happiness! What a great way to start the day

http://www.scarymommy.com Scary Mommy

Seeing my siblings interact is as close to finding religion as I get. It’s truly magical. In a sappy mom blogger kind of way.

Julie

I have a Baby Sister. She arrived when I was 10. The best thing that ever happened to me. Until I had my Lil Daughter. Now Baby Sister has a Son and Lil Daughter has a Daughter. the Love just keeps growing exponentially.
That was a beautiful post, Heather. Thank you.
I’m so glad you’re able to experience motherhood minus the depression. And to be able to share it with Leta. Enjoy!

girlplease

Beautiful. That video is the reason I can’t wait to have another of my own. I can’t even remember my 8 month old as a newborn.

And your comments in a previous post were close but seriously, at the next convention or guest speaking you do–or ooh even better–put at the bottom of a screen during a tv interview his new name

Vagina Jon

I would love to hear Dr. Phil go “ok today our guest speaker is Vagina Jon” and have it in text below his face.

Come on, you’re giggling.

honkytonk

And now my pregnant self is a weepy mess in my office chair.

http://www.2-9andcounting.blogspot.com Laura

Having only one child and longing for that second one to someday come along, I read your thoughts and watch your videos and tears come to my eyes. I love it when you get all warm and fuzzy about your “now”, don’t get me wrong I love your witty sarcasm too but what’s life without a little warm and fuzzy! Enjoy this wonderful time of your life.

Krista French

I am so sorry for all the horrible things I have said to you and about you and your family Heather. I ask for your forgiveness. I am just a young, bitter, sad, pathetic loser with nothing to show for my life. I feel terrible for the things I spewed at you. I guess I am just jealous that you have such a successful life, profession and family that it got the best of me and I am ashamed.
I wish you nothing but more success, happiness and love for you and yours. I will try to live a more forgiving and bessed life for myself and all human kind.

No, its not really Krista but this is what I want that stupid bitch to write.

Sorry, I just had to.

An avid reader and fan!!!

http://www.nytrogirl.com Angel

Your story is very inspirational to me. I had a very difficult labor and delivery with my now 2 year old son, not in the way you did, but difficult none the less. Your story thinks that maybe I can too have a second child. Maybe the baby girl I’d love to have or another boy for my son to play.

Thank you. For sharing your life and your story. It really does make a difference in peoples lives. You’ll never know how much you’ve helped me. I too, suffer from anxiety and that worry often stops me in my tracks.

Thank you…Angel

Dena

Okay so really? At 4:21pm on a Friday, the Friday of Rosh Hashanah as I prepare to go to synagogue and reflect on the past year and imagine what I want this coming year to be, you have to go and make me cry like that?

This is I think the most beautiful post of yours I’ve read.

Everything in it is an apt descriptor for why I want to be a mother, have a child, have another. My yearning is more acute now. But I am grateful for it.

Thank you, and l’shanah tovah — may you and yours be sealed in the book of life for the year to come. Blessings to all 4 (right, no, I mean 6) of you.

Keri

I only made it about 20 seconds in before my eyes started welling up. I had to stop it before I cried my eyes out at work. Makes me wish so much that I was still a stay-at-home for my little guy I miss him so much when I’m at work :’( I’m so glad your little family has reached Here!

http://meecheandjoe.blogspot.com/ Joe

Droning mommyblogger, whatever. Still keeps me laughing my ass off.

Wicked cute video, too. Don looks good in pink.

dragonhart

crying…..

Elle

Wrong place to put this, I know, but I saw another comment in here about the “hate” section, and I have to agree that it tarnishes the site. It just puts a whole lotta yuck in a place that is essentially a whole lotta good in my mind. And the pseudo “replies” to the comments just say to me that they do affect you and you need to reply to appear unaffected, when taking the high road would be such a better response. I say if you want to make money off them to put them on their own domain name, mykidscollegefund.com maybe (LOL) and don’t even link to them from your mommyblog site, I’m sure the annexed site would sustain itself. But really, why even bring them to light, I’d read two words of those things then let them hit the trash bin without even ingesting the full message. A message read is a message absorbed and believed on a deeply subconscious level even if you attempt to toughen to it on the surface.

Best wishes,
Elle

Nina

love the Wilco! love the baby!

Mari

the video . . . i am wanting some grandchildren. now. none of my children are married, but i am ok with that. one is gay, but he promises to adopt from africa–he’s the most obvious to give me grandchildren first, and i now think it’s time for him to get started. your video is making my grammie heart sing.
–mari

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