A forum for those current students who are or may be transferring from one school to another. Post any questions, advice, or other transfer related comments here.

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Looks very strong to me. Personally I think your writing is a little wordy, so if you want to cut down on words there are some places you can do that, but it's not too bad.

e.g. "I decided that it would be best to" --> "I decided to"

I prefer "I developed an interest" to "I developed a strong interest."

Finally, I think your last paragraph can be erased or modified. You're re-using words from above in the conclusion paragraph and given how short the letter is, it's annoying. Maybe a solution would be to abstract the language or change its tense, for example, "[New Law School] will allow me to pursue my dream of working as an employment lawyer, live with my fiance, and contribute to a prestigious academic community. Thank you for reading."

johndhi wrote:Looks very strong to me. Personally I think your writing is a little wordy, so if you want to cut down on words there are some places you can do that, but it's not too bad.

e.g. "I decided that it would be best to" --> "I decided to"

I prefer "I developed an interest" to "I developed a strong interest."

Finally, I think your last paragraph can be erased or modified. You're re-using words from above in the conclusion paragraph and given how short the letter is, it's annoying. Maybe a solution would be to abstract the language or change its tense, for example, "[New Law School] will allow me to pursue my dream of working as an employment lawyer, live with my fiance, and contribute to a prestigious academic community. Thank you for reading."

Thanks for the help. Will def cut down the wordiness and edit the last paragraph.

Last edited by kaiser on Sat Jun 11, 2011 8:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.