Monday, January 24, 2011

I think my husband might be trying to tell me something. We've been together for over four years and have procreated one male offspring. Nothing suspicious has ever happened until now. He is a typical male with his raging hormones and off the charts libido. In fact, so much that I have had to establish a few ground rules.

Rule Number One: If I am asleep, don't try any funny stuff with me. I will kill you with my ass-breath and drool soaked pillow.Rule Number Two: If it is later than 10:30pm, all bets are off. I need my beauty sleep.Rule Number Three: Use the bounty of images on the internet and a sock, if I am sleeping or it's late. I won't be mad, in fact, I will be so refreshed from my sleep that I might give you a special thank you tomorrow. *wink wink*

Since he uses the internet for flesh research purposes, I never bother to check the history because I don't want to know who and/or what he is viewing. However, he brought this to my attention in a rather direct and somewhat alarming way.

He added a French-Canadian Tranny Website to the most visited section. Yes, naked french speaking transsexuals.

I debated whether to address this situation directly or just be passive-aggressive about it. Obviously, I chose the latter. I simply removed the bookmark, lest anyone else stumble upon it.

A few days later, he had driven my car on some errands. When I used it again, the stereo was blasting Katy Perry's Teenage Dream cd. My husband had clearly been jamming to 'Peacock' by his lonesome.
At that point, I decided he was trying to send me a message. Did he want to see my peacock? What's a penhen supposed to do in a situation like that?

I decided to grab the sitation by its pre-surgical balls and ask the tough questions. Did my sex rules drive him to this? Was our marriage crumbling to bits? Would our son have a step-tranny in his life?

Alas, he said the bookmark was a result of some evil porno virus and that Katy Perry was the only aternative to toddler music. I still have my eye on him though. And my lacy undies too because you never know.