Friday, May 20

I was super upset about not having celiac. I know that must sound/read weird, but it's the truth. I wanted to have it because it was an answer to everything that has gone wrong this year. It also would have meant I was right, something I haven't felt in a long time.

That changes today! I dumped my male chauvinist fuckface primary doctor group and went to Bacon's primary this morning. This doctor was FANTASTIC. She listened to my story, asked a lot of questions, and without hesitation said she most definitely thinks I have a yeast overgrowth. Back to candida!!

She told me to go on a strict yeast-free diet for a week and to come back next week to discuss how I feel. I've basically been eating yeast and gluten-free for a month now, so it's not that bad at all! I was looking forward to having a beer tomorrow night at Crazy Ass's anniversary party, but no can do. I can drink vodka and gin, so at least that's something. Yeah, yeah. I don't have to drink AT ALL, but it's been three weeks! Momma could use a good buzz.

I feel GOOD. Sure I was lightheaded and shit this morning, but right now I am A-OK.

Other things to feel good about:

1. I made it into the office four days this week. (I skipped today for the doctor's appointment.) Yay! Iron (my boss) has been so kind and understanding about all of this. She wrote a really nice email the other day saying she hopes the job isn't stressing me out and making me feel worse because she loves me and would hate to lose me! HOW AWESOME IS THAT? I'll be in Philly with her next Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm looking forward to it, although I am a tad nervous about traveling again. Getting sick while away on business is the worst. I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

She also invited me to a conference in DC the week of June 12th. I'm getting business cards and shirts with the company logo on it. I'm dork-cited!!

2. Therapy is going really well. I love Cee. I'm not ready to share anything yet, but I will eventually. We're going to meet every Tuesday night. If I'm away for work will do a phone call instead. There's also a focusing workshop the last Saturday of every month that I'm really looking forward to attending. It feels good to be back.

3. Last but certainly not least, MDLL. I'm in love. LOVE LOVE LOVE. I never thought it could be like this. I'm so impulsive and reactionary and impatient and - what's the nice word for being those things? - passionate that I've never allowed anything to grow organically. Not a thing. Not even the marijuana seeds I planted in my parents' backyard. I got bored and dug them up after a week. A funny thing happened, though. I must have missed a few seeds because around a year later I noticed a little seven inch pot plant by the fence. SOMEHOW the damn thing grew without me staring at it or trying to will it out of the ground.

It's the same thing with MDLL. Our relationship is slowly turning into something I've never experienced before and can't quite yet describe. It grew the minute I stopped trying to force it to grow, on it's own time. Maybe this is what dating is like for patient people? Who knows. All I do know is MDLL makes me much happier and higher than weed ever did.