i forgot some things. like how i need to buy a new ipod because my ipod has been forsaken and held up as a sacrifice to the houses or the outside world or places i've never seen and never will because i cannot find it and this is sad sad but it is also alright so i won't hold my breath unless i am swimming underwater. (silently i wonder whether i can get -unperson to buy it for my birthday, another ipod, this one bigger and better. i probably can. and use up my time & energy eating and indulging unperson's wishes to spend time with me. ) but look how much content! 40,000 songs - i will never have to worry again.

I've let loose all my pets, let my plants return to the wild, turned all my clothes into cut-offs. I moved apartments without telling anyone, without making a sound. I've changed cities, left my family in the night, started eating better. I pretend to speak Italian now, I live in paintings, I piss golddust. I take pictures of everything, I collect unfinished sentences, I grow actors in my garden out back, I even hug bums. I'm completely unbearable, insufferable, wrong. But this song still breaks my heart. This song is full of death-row redemption and rose-coloured break-ups.

i like things like that. (i am going to cry because this song i'm listening to now is also beautiful, (emperor x, you go right to the rails ; go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go ! ) i like music so much and i wish i could make some of it. i should learn piano again and again but two hands is just so hard oh god i want to go to my teacher again now i will.) i wonder if there are classes for song-writing like there is for journalism, but i find creative writing classes/song writing ones kinda bullshit half the time because it seems constricting and based on taste and song-writing only matters how it songs combined with voice and music and the space and time with pauses in the synapse and other properties, and taste too. it has to taste good in your mouth and other people have to like it too and no, these things don't really work. whee, whittle me a contradiction.