It took a very bleak moment in my life to help me to be able to work through a harder moment in my life, who would have guessed, maybe I just needed to out my feelings, to get the fury out.., ..but it seems that it has helped.

We’re trying counseling, and things are happening…, generally Anna is starting to be more concerned about staying on top of her responsibilities, it’s a thing in motion, but I can see progress, it is starting to happen…, which is what I need to able to work through this. Seeing her caring about doing what she says she’s going to do is building trust back, …and that’s important. Seeing her doing these things is allowing me to change my perspective on our relationship and its future, so…, with time, perhaps things will right themselves…, for now I’ll just hold onto the railing, keep my vision true…, and take one day at a time (Anna’s taking Zoloft helps/helped too:wink:).

I also hadn’t realized that Anna really hadn’t separated herself from her Mother, which is something that our counselor made us aware of. ..sounds like Anna was aware of it on some levels, but the counseler made her aware how not dealing with that would negatively affect her other intimate relationships, even presently. That was one I really just wasn’t aware of.

He’s a really cool counseler, and I’m pretty critical of those kinds of things. He even pushed me to not make Troy my problem (Anna’s Ex), and to let/make Anna deal with it (which is something she and I have been working towards, more about Troy in another post soon). He analogized a train-car decoupling from the rest of the train.., I told him It’d be a slow decoupling…, but the more I Think about it, it may not be as slow as I first imagined…, just scary for Anna, but she can do it, It’ll be easier once several other things have changed, but those also are in the works…, time will tell…

Life can be difficult, more difficult I think than even the human senses can detect. Anna was unfaithful to me back around August of 2003, lied about it passionately, and only when proof surfaced back around the beginning of March this year (2004, did I know for sure that my worst fears were true. The problem this presents me is that this is something I believe strongly against, to the extent that I told Anna when we first started dating that if she ever wanted to break up with me, this was the one thing that would make me want to give it all up and throw in the towel. I do not accept any reason for cheating, there is no excuse, there is no justifiable reason to ever do such a thing, at least none that end up keeping the original two people together.

So, now I have the largest confusion I think I’ve ever felt in my life. I Love Anna, and before this happened, I had been thinking of our future together, seeing the unbridled possibilities. But now, so many things remind me of what she’s done, commercials on the TV, someone referenceing infidelity, …, and I don’t know what to do.

I told Anna I would go to counseling to see if there was a way to change my view on 1)her cheating and 2)our future, because even now, I sit here wondering if I’ll ever be able to trust her again.

So, once every year on February 14th, society informs us that in order to feel whole, we should be with a companion we care about, buy them things, treat them nice, do nice things together, show you care, and all of that. I don’t care much for the idea of this message, but…, I do like to show my love that I care about her whenever I can. So, if I get another day, purposefully set aside so I can do that, so be it I won’t complain

So, Anna keeps asking, what are we doing for Valentine’s Day. She still doesn’t know, and she won’t until it comes around.

I love you, Anna. Today, tomorrow, and yes, on Valentine’s Day too. …but not after that (just kidding). I’m looking forward to it.

I’ve never gone hang-gliding, I’ve never sky-dived, I’ve never Scuba-dived, I’ve never bungie-jumped, I’ve never played with the New York Phil harmonic Symphony, I’ve never Played Bethoven on the Piano, I’ve never performed Open Heart Surgery, I’ve never painted a classic…

….and I never restored Anna’s faith in marriage…

she did that all on her own, through her own devices…, her own perceptions, her own realizations, her own attempts to embrace love, her own efforts to remember what love is truly all about, her own acceptance that Love means hanging in there ..even when it’s really really really not the easy thing to do, her choice to be in love, to stay in Love, to risk it all to have Love in her life, to move away from what is familiar at the risk of everything, her daughter, her future, her happiness, Cassidy’s happiness, and for what? ………. Love?

Anna may not know what she wants to do as a career, but she DOES know what she wants for her personal life, she may try to fool you, ..but she knows, it pours out of her in every action, she wants to be completely and utterly in Love, to embrace Love with me, and that too, is what I want.

Love is hard, but it’s worth it, and with her I’m reminded of both of those things everyday.

…the cliche’ “Home is where the Heart is”, so for me… Home is where Anna is.

Some days are more trying than others in any relationship. Sometimes it can be really tough, but every time it’s tough it always passes in time. After the tough times have gone, all that you are left with is the core of your relationship. ..kind of like the natural balance point. And this is why I know that Anna and I were meant to be.

What a Pain the Arse! Anna and I just recently went to have her rear brakes changed out (rotors/pads), but that is not the end of the story. Her ex husband Troy and her installed aftermarket Mustang Cobra R wheels (18’s), and the lug pattern didn’t match the stock lug pattern for her stock 16″ wheels. So, he changed out the hubs/axles to match, right? Noooooo

He redrilled the stock hubs to match the lug pattern on the new wheels, AND…..
He redrilled the stock brake rotors to a wider lug pattern to fit….

So now we only have several options:
1. Find a shady shop to drill/install stock rotors
2. Change out her hubs/axles to match the wheels

Anna’s bosses seem to love her. I’m constantly hearing feedback that they’ve shared with her about how she’s doing. I hope they reward her with more than just words. She’s also worked both days for the last two weekends, that’s getting old fast.

Hailing Frequencies Are Open

Thanks for stoppping by. My name is Ben. I'm a 33-ish opinionated, increasingly grumpy, funny, sarcastic dude who has yet to fully grow up. I have a pain-in-the ass Lovely wife, Anna, and an adopted (Anna's) daughter, Cassidy. Both of which, on a daily basis, are kind of enough, to help me both redfine and find new levels of patience. I don't blog much, but once in a while, I have something to say. When I do, you'll find it here. Again, thanks for stopping by!