Hey My Name is Rachel

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Monday, February 14, 2011

I don’t really know what to say about valentines day besides I keep getting people sending me sympathy texts…yeh…story of my life, but this time they have a good reason. ‘bout a week ago, no wait, two weeks ago, my boyfriend, well now ex, broke up with me…eh its cool. Is it sad to say I saw it coming?…
But yeh, I keep getting sympathy texts, like “Happy Valentines Day!…Oh I’m sorry I forgot…” and I’m like, psshhh its cool…Valentines Day is blown wayyyy out of proportion and in my opinion the only good part of V-day was when you were in elementary school and you got to make the mailboxes and everyone in your class HAD to give you something…and the free candy was ALWAYS a plus. Haha, ahhh those were the days…way back when people were obligated to be nice to you. :]
Maybe I’m just jaded…back in school I was never the most popular, I didn’t date anyone on the football team, heck my school didn’t even have a football team! So when kids would pass out Valentines, or get those stupid Love-Grams er whatever, I never got any…maybe once…and I think it was from my parents…so in my mind, Valentines Day has always been like a giant popularity contest…an annoying-never-ending-rubbing-it-in-your-face-we’re-happy-and-you’re-not popularity contest…yep I’m definitely jaded.
Enough of that though…hows your day been? Talk to meh people.
-Rachel ;)))

Monday, September 13, 2010

Don't you hate it when you walk into a room and then everyone stops talking and they stare at you like you just kicked their cat? I do. This morning I was walking around minding my own business when I ran into my sister, Kiwi, and our friend, Mango. They immediately stopped talking and stared at me with these beady eyes and crazy expressions. I was like cue intense music and dramatic zoom in much? seriously..

Makes me wonder, did I say something wrong? did I make you mad? do I have a ravenous beaver on my head? ya know, all reasonable things to wonder, especially when someone is starin you down like you have a huge ole chunk of spinach in your teeth...and of course no one ever communicates how they're feeling. Like seriously, half of the problems that teenagers face, at school, at home, with friends, are all a result of a LACK of communication. It's like communicating normally, civilly, like we're not wild caveman looking for our next meal, is impossible these days. Seriously!

I'm a natural social butterfly, not gonna lie to you on that one. I'm comfortable enough with my self to tell you if I have a problem with you, but I have enough control to not say, for example, "I hate your guts, I wish you would just take your sorry little self back to that hole 5,000 feet under the surface of the earth where you belong." No I've got enough dignity to not be that mean. To make like the Penguins from Madagascar (not the show, that show is so lame) and "just smile and wave boys smile and wave." Thank you epic penguins for giving us such sound and wise advice in this our darkest hour of communication.

Which leads me to the topic of this post! SMILE AND WAVE. REPEAT! SMILE AND WAVE!

This seems to be a quite a hard task for some people, for example...some individuals feel the need to, ever time they see some, express to them how stupid they think that person really is. Is this necessary? seriously. Lets make like a Beatles song, and remember "love is all you need." love and the ability to control what you say and when. However this is easier said than done so folks when it becomes hard to filter and you're telling everyone left and right just what's on your mind heed my words SMILE AND WAVE or else I promise you, you will die a bitter lonely soul with a ka-jillion cats and bad ankles. Why the bad ankles? Its all that (one moment my cat decided it wants to scratch its back on my keyboard.fuhuffhg) ahh thats better...what was I saying, oh yes. Bad ankles. All that guilt from years of torturing every soul you interact with it weighs on the soul. Not good for proper ankle development.. Not good at all.

So the moral of this story friends is next time you want to tell that snively red head kid that you wish he would go bother someone else and you will never love him, that you're surprised his own mother can stand him, just take the Rara approach and smile and wave. Eventually he will leave you alone, you're not interacting you see, and if he doesn't...get a restraining order, or call up your Russian mafia bud and have him do ya a favor. :) mmmm Russian mafia.

Hope all ya'll are havin a swell day.

and remember next time you rip open a clam looking for a pearl...pearls are in oysters stupid.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

sighhhhhh.. so I have had a LOT of free time lately, sooooo in this spare time I've been doing so practice interviews on pretty much anything I can get my hands on. Why? Cause its fun. Check out this interview I did with my dog. I think its very interesting. Posting it now, for posterity.

As you can see it was a very unsuccessful interview, but that will so be resolved! ah ha! yahhh! you're gonna like thisssss. Anywaysssss.

Gahhhhh so, sorry I haven't posted in like a month. Its been kinda hectic and yeh I know I say that every time I don't post for a while but...well it's true it has been hectic. You see starfish have overthrown this side of the country, demanding ridiculously large amounts of rice pudding to be transported to their above sea-under-sea lair through giant bindy straws. It. Is. Ridiculous. So I've joined the resistance, we call ourselves the....well I can't tell you that now can I. Hmmmmmmm O.o you could be star-fish spies. You could be out to get me! gahhhhhhhh!

well thats enough of that for now...
well imma go...tell your friends!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Ok so I'm not a big TV person, I mean I talk a lot about TV shows and stuff, but I don't just sit and watch TV I hear about them from my siblings or I just hear whats going on, but ya. Recently with this foot injury I've been watching A LOT of TV. Mostly shows like Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, the food network, and Ellen.

For the record my Grandma loves Ellen. She has a timer that goes off at 4 every day telling her that Ellen's on. Yah. But recently Ellen has been doing this spot called "Ellen's Wonderful World of Web" or something like that. On yesterdays episode she showed this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGe2cwsR-IQ) of twelve year old Grayson Chance singing Paparazzi by Lady Gaga and OH MY FREAKIN GOSH! This kid is incredible. Never had a vocal lesson. 3 years of piano lessons.

Watch this video. Love it. Tell all your friends about it. Do ettttttttt. why? well I'll tell you why...

Pretend its the future twenty years from now...no twenty hundred years from now there's this old man he's just walking then there's this random banana peel. Oh no!!!! the old man is like legally blind and his lil walking dog is on vacation in Fiji. He doesn't see the banana. He steps on the banana peel and WAHBAM! he's down folks. Ten points to Peel, Zipppp for Old Futuristic Man.

Now listen to this kids music! quick before an old futuristic blind man slips on a banana peel!!!! GOOOOOO before its too lateeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Ughhh my keyboard is being all whacky. Like when I press the Enter key it goes upwards. What the frijole?!

Grrrrr....sometimes I wish I was a shark and then I remember oh wait...I'm afraid of deep water, sea creatures, smelly fisherman (pirates are ok oddly enough...but maybe its the accent), and...boats. Ya so if I was a shark I'd probably be like the anti-shark. I'd be like the little mermaid but like a shark and not a mermaid. Hahahaha.

I am seriously gonna kill this keyboard. DIEEEEEEE! Did you watch the video? hmmmmm? Did you love it. Did you save an old man from a banana peel fiasco? Come on people lives are on the line.

Well...that's all for now folks. Watch that video make that kid FAMMMMOOOOUUUUSSSSS. and while your at it...invite a couple of your friends to follow my blog here....follow it yourself purty please????

Until we meet again folks...oh and remember frogs don't really turn into princes when you kiss them you just contract poisonous diseases.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Once we had this huge crack in the wall. It wasn't very noticeable even though it was in like the center of our living room. I must've walked past it like a trillion times and I never noticed it, but I think that goes without saying. However that is not my point. Our land lord we'll call him "Dave" (hi Dave!!!!) hires this guy, we'll call him "Guy hired by Dave to fix cracked wall in Living Room", to fix the crack. So long story short this dude patches up our wall, but before he leaves he says "its gonna look worse before it gets better" hmmm. Acute observation "Guy hired by Dave to fix cracked wall in Living Room" but at that moment I kid you not I turned around and said, very loudly might I add "LIKE PUBERTY!" and how freaking true that is. Puberty it gets worse before it gets better.

I pity my parents I really do. In my family there are four girls before two boys. That's a WHOLE lotta puberty. A whole lotta of zits, of boyfriends, of stinkiness, of mood swings, of growth spurts, of blahblahblahblahblah. In short puberty sucks. Who thought it was a good idea in the first place, I mean seriously. I think we should all stay toddlers! Sure there are tactical errors to this, but shhhh just hear me out. If we were all toddlers there would be no more drug abuse, no more alcoholism, no more wars. I mean we'd all have the mental capacity of toddlers and the worst you can do even if you're a baby genius is spell out I HATE YOU in those preschool blocks. It would be soooo great!

Maybe we could elect certain people to grow up and be our caretakers, cause uh we're toddlers those diapees ain't gonna change themselves, huh? We could hire the guys from Full House, they've got experience, I mean they did practically raise the Olson Twins...oh wait, maybe thats not such a good idea. Anyways. I'll be presenting my proposition to Congress Monday. At the rate that they're handing out funding lately I'm sure me and my team of professionals (my two chaweenies Lily and Delilah) will have Project Toddler up and going in NO TIME!

Aside from puberty there's also something I've been thinking about lately, especially now that I'm taking health. I just finished the section where they discuss different age groups and stages in life. You have infant-hood, adolescence, adult-hood, and then the they stop counting cause your so freakin old. It seems to me that individuals *cough cough* who hit this 'stop counting age' some of them go through an age degression. For instance. We all know that eventually you loose the color in your hair...ok? Known fact of life people, so why is it that I go to the supermarket every so often and see Grams over there with purple hair. HELLOOOOOO does anyone else see a problem with this? When your ninety some-odd years you should not look like a chewed up spit out version of the kids I go to school with ok? Stop shopping at HOT TOPIC and go buy some freaking loafers, play bingo, go golfing, lecture kids about pulling their pants up and the good old days, which were really not that good...you said so yourself in the "I had to walk fifty miles in the snow barefoot to school" speech...but I guess memory loss comes with the whole white hair thing. Maybe its the white hair. Its like the sun hits it and then there's this chain reaction and BAM you can't remember a thing.
Look at me. One blog post and I've already solved half of humanities problems! Bahahahhaahaha.

I don't really have much more to say now, besides the fact that I'll probably be doing a lot of blogging in the near future. Long story. Moral of lesson DO NOT JUMP AND JIVE AT YOUR PROM YOU MAY JUST BE THAT LUCKY GIRL WHO ENDS UP HAVING TO BE CARRIED OUT BY HER DAD AND LANDS HERSELF IN THE ER THE NEXT DAY CAUSE SHE RUPTURED HER ANTERIOR LIGAMENT! more on that one later though....

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Random Thoughts of the Moment

"the turtle..your favorite semi-aquatic reptile"

"planning on moving into a wind tunnel.."

"does the Queen of England wear regular sunblock or have Royal sunblock?"

"Do you think it would be uncomfortable to be an ant eater. I do. I mean come on they eat ANTS through their NOSES that's like twice as bad as having ants in your pants but not nearly as bad as bathing in an anthill, but now I'm just rambling"