I don’t have anything to add to the discussion about dress and appearance, so I’m posting here so as not to be OT:

I wanted to say that this blog is one of my favorite places on the internet, and the sense of collaboration and openness demonstrated in the post “Call for guest posts: appearance/presentation issues” — and all over the blog, really — is a big part of the reason why.

It’s awesome that the response to “I don’t think this is the right discussion” is “well, let’s talk about that, too”. I love it here.

I have a situation that i’m struggling with this morning, and I’m hoping that some of you may have thoughts that might help. I apologize in advance for the wall of text I expect this is going to be…I’m still sort of thinking it through myself. :D

I’ve been gaming online for more than 15 years now. Generally, I don’t bother identifying myself as female, unless it becomes germane for some reason (not because of the harassment one sometimes encounters, but because it’s often just plain irrelevant in the context of online gaming).

This morning, I was flitting through the new posts on my current MMO’s forum, and I came across a post that I found kinda gross, both for its contents and also because I know the person who posted it to be an attention-seeker…a trait I don’t like much. I fully acknowledge that this contributed to my annoyance – I’m not bias-free.

Pictures aside, I didn’t like the article because, while it addresses the harassment women sometimes face in the gaming world, I find the article to be pretty insensitive at the same time. I found a number of things in it objectionable simply because of terminology used (“tramp stamps”, “we do love shopping, LOL”). Come on, now. Really? I know it was supposed to be funny, but I just didn’t dig.

Ordinarily, I probably would just have ignored this re-post. But after I read it and *then* noticed who posted it, I got annoyed. I really dislike the way this woman chooses to engage men (sort of the defenseless innocent on pedestal routine), and most of her posts somehow end up focusing on her being female…pretty much regardless of the original topic. Combine that with my dislike of the article…Ugh. She managed at once to annoy me with the uglier content of the article *and* annoy me with yet another “I’m a girl, pay attention” post.

So here’s where I ran into the sticky issue…Ignoring the flashing alarm in my head, I responded to the thread. My addition:

“#10 when people make an issue out of women playing games at all, including posts like these. i don’t need to know if you’re male, female, or asparagus. it’s irrelevant.”

Silly of me.

Drama ensued, of course. I stirred the pot, and her White Knights jumped to the rescue, trolling me. Shocker. I struggled valiantly to try and make my point when someone less troll-y tried to engage me a little about it. It was at that point that I realized that I wasn’t 100% sure what my point was.

I find it troublesome when a woman in a live online venue goes out of her way to make known to a crowd that she’s female. In my little gaming world, there’s really no need to do this, unless you’re seeking to draw attention to yourself. I don’t hide that I’m a woman or expect anyone else to, but I can think of no laudable reason for announcing it without prompting to a crowd of strangers. Where’s the depth in that, y’know? Yuck.

I don’t know why *precisely* it bothers me so much, but it just feels…wrong. It feels like it’s knocking against a feminist bone somewhere in me when I see it happen, but I can’t quite figure it out. And I’m struggling because I really want to know that this crankiness of mine on this issue comes from an honestly woman-positive sort of place and not an ugly one.

I would appreciate any thoughts you might have after reading this, whether about the nature of my feelings, the situation, or how I might address this positively if a similar issue arises in the future.