She approaches with a shy smile, a tender heart, and requests that her feelings be reciprocated. For whatever reason, you can’t do this, but you do enjoy the control that you have over her, and you worry that acknowledging her feelings will relinquish your power, maybe even lower you in her estimation.

As you don’t want to present any of the real reasons why she should quit you, maybe because you have none, your pleasure is not in submitting to her affection, rolling about in the mud of real human relations, but in frustrating and controlling her.

The first step you can take toward fully manipulating her is pretending that her declaration of love is ridiculous. If she’s undaunted and convinces you otherwise, then you need to assert that you are not as handsome or as smart as she claims, that your future is not as bright as she believes, and that you are not a person of generosity or kindness.

Forget that you gave money to the Save the Polar Bear Foundation. Tell her that you only did it for the tax write off. Admit to owning the opposite qualities that she suggests you have and fabricate stories that defend your assertions. “There are too many people on the planet,” snap with contempt, “and if some starve to death, so what?”

If she still doesn’t give up on you, you can enjoy more exquisite tortures. For instance, you might just want to pretend that her initial declaration of love never took place, or you might start explaining the advantages of steam heat over water. Jump from one topic to another until her eyes glaze over or spin like pinwheels.

As she persists in her love, you might have to further up your game. Forget her shows of affection and attack her person by remarking on the small size of her breasts, the emotion in her voice, the tear in her eye, or the paleness of her complexion. Make fun of her for being too smart, too stupid, or too plain. Here it would help to add a chuckle to your ridicule and then deny any accusation that your laughter is directed at her.

If she withstands all of your abuses and still requires reciprocated feelings, put her off longer by asking for time to think about things. Make it hard for her to get in touch, and when she does, blame your delayed response on issues of apparent miscommunication.

Holding a woman’s attention hostage can be fun and make you feel like a god. So take advantage. When you’ve got the upper hand, you are well placed to be worshipped, and if you enjoy being worshipped more than being loved, there’s no reason to submit to love. That is unless she becomes so frustrated that she walks away and you don’t hear from her again.

…if you enjoy being worshipped more than being loved, there’s no reason to submit to love.

Should this happen, you will probably miss those old feelings of supremacy. Not to worry. There will be other women, women who compliment your looks, admire your brilliance, and praise your generosity. There will be women willing to step in and take her place. You’ll just have to be patient until they show up.

Conversely, maybe you did develop a soft spot for this woman, and having her leave causes you sorrow. You thought you had no feelings for her, but now you recognize, there are feelings, compassionate feelings. You want her back. If this is the case, then get in touch, but plan your approach carefully.

Signal that she may indeed have a chance at winning your love. String her along. Admit that you might have feelings, you’re just not sure. Thank her for some kindnesses but criticize her for others. Follow her conversations up to a point, then allow for interruptions and occasionally claim that you don’t know what she’s talking about. This will confuse matters and likely keep her coming back. It will also fertilize your inflated ego.

One technique that will keep her hanging on is to never give her the last word. No matter what she says, say something else, even if it’s just “yeah, okay,” or “I hear you,” or “sure, whatever you say.” If she tries to pull away, follow her and keep talking, even if what you say is nonsense. Whatever the conversation, don’t “drop it.” Having the last word will help you maintain your superiority, drive her nuts, and signal that you don’t ever want to let her go.

Hi Anne, I am a lifelong student of passive-aggressive people and unfortunately a sometime practitioner of passive-aggressive methods. Here I tried to think of a worse case scenario for a woman in love and a man in love with himself. I considered reversing the sexes, but I wanted to admit to my own narcissism and commit to doing a better job of avoiding it in the future.