Angry, like really angry

About half an hour ago I filled my sink with smashed plates and glasses, scraped a knife down my arm and round my wrist (not bleeding just look like I've been tickling the wrong cat), tried to destroy my phone with a wall, tore up some paperwork and other things, hyperventilated for about 15 minutes, because bf sent me a quite insensitively worded text message. This is happening to me a lot at the moment (I am 32 weeks).

I am already under the acute mental health team and awaiting a referral to peri-natal because I have been suicidal. I feel like I could do anything right now (although I have calmed down a lot).

I could get in the car and go to hospital but I can't stop thinking of the satisfaction of driving it into a wall.

I have been depressed for years but I've never been a screaming, raging, violent angry person.

I want to die, I want to not be in this situation anymore. I don't see any way out.

Flowers for you I can't begin to say I understand how you feel, but I have had my times. This situation is not fact. This situation will change. You can get through this. You have done well putting it out here. Feelings can and do change. How are you feeling right now?

I have been in this situation myself, I would think you really need to be seen by someone tonight. Have you got the crisis teams number for your area? If not could you phone 101, they will talk to you and can send someone to come get you to offer support if needed. Please don't get in your car if you feel this way. its awful, and hormones exasperate depression like nothing I've ever known.Here for a hand hold if that's all you want/need too.

I can't leave my bf we are having a baby and he's the only thing standing between me and whatever slosh the government throws at single mothers these days. Not to mention the social workers and the court which I would rather die than be dragged through.

I'm not taking any ADs. I'm waiting for the acute MH team to become the PN MH team. Even if I did they take weeks to kick in.

Anti D's had an affect on me very very quickly, within days of taking them. For the first couple of weeks on them I felt snoozy and spaced out, still low mood but not angry angry. After that couple of weeks the snooziness lifted and I began to feel normal again.

Oh yes I've been there. PP are right, you need to tell someone how you are feeling, GP or mental health team. In the mean time try to do something to physically burn off that adrenaline and tune into the sympathetic nervous system. I'm sure you know all this but I'll say it because it helped me: deep breathing is the first step, count to four breathing in, count to 6 breathing out, gradually increase the count for your out breath. Then once you feel calmer could you have a bath to relax your muscles? You will get through this. X

I've been referred to peri natal mental health. Not a moment too soon. Nev r be afraid to ask for help! Everyone has been wonderful.

Although I am now having to deal with social workers and family liaison officers because of (wholly fair and accurate) disclosures about my bfs drinking. It seems there are an awful lot of people who need to cover their backs! Fair enough but certainly making a delicate situation more stressful.

Brilliant that your appointment has come through. The social workers and family liason are there for your and your babies protection, but I understand how stressful their involvement is.Remember mumsnet's here if you need us!