Recumbent Dude sent me an email. He is unable to currently post comments here but is following the posts and can't wait to host his own welcome back party on either the 25th or 27th (or maybe both?). Not only will he buy the 1st round but he says at least 2 additional rounds of water will be purchased. He says he is bringing me back a trinket!!!!!. I am truly blessed to have so many friends just like him. Imagine, bringing me a refrigerator magnet all the way from India.

Well It’s happened! I was captured, but I promise you I put up a fight! I have been captured by a group known as the UARBI (United Auto-Rickshaw Brotherhood of India), also known as the Auto-Rick Union. The reason and method of my capture is complex and dastardly so follow closely.It all started one morning when I awoke and thought to myself, “hey! I’d like to go across town to see my friend Archana.” So I called Archana and told her I was leaving to head that direction and she gave me the name of a big landmark in her area.Now, it is here that I must diverge from the story of my capture and provide you, the reader, a bit of background about getting anywhere in India. It is no simple task I assure you. There are apparently more ways to get to any single place here than there are Gods in the Hindu religion (~7Million) and it all starts with a landmark in the area you’d like to go. We’ll use the city of Bangalore in this example and pretend that we are headed to Joe’s Diner. In order to get there you must use the following steps:1. Decide where you want to go. (OK.. Joe’s Diner)2. Call your destination and get a sizeable landmark in the area.3. Go get yourself an auto-rickshaw. (for those of you who don’t know what this is; it’s a 3 wheeled death-trap with about 5 gerbils worth of horsepower that emits toxic fumes and is the primary mode of transport in India. Even for families of 12. –Not kidding. I have pictures)4. The “driver” with then head in the general direction of the landmark. “GENERAL” direction. General is used very loosely here. As in… “westerly-ish or nearly so”5. He will drive until he gets lost and pull over to ask for direction to the landmark you have given him. The directions he receives will be only a hand raised in the “general” direction of travel. No words. 6. He will proceed for 1-2 blocks in this direction and then ask for directions again.7. This will be repeated 20-50 times, often backtracking and driving in circles. (this doesn’t matter because you negotiate a flat fee to get anywhere despite the fact that there are meters on these little buggers)8. You will finally get directions from someone that is more than a hand raised and will be 1-2 sentences of nearly real directions. Typically when this happens another Rick-Shaw driver will butt-in, disagree, this will cause conversation, and a lot of head wagging and talking over one another, appear to nearly break into a fight, but never quite does. It will then attract the attention of a third rickshaw driver who then agrees with one of the initial two. Then you’re off.9. Follow those directions for 2-3 blocks. Repeat Step 8 until you get to the landmark. (Should be less than 20 minutes)10. When you arrive at the landmark, call where you are going and have them tell you what to do next. You will typically be given a smaller landmark that the locals will know. 11. Repeat steps 4-10 until you arrive at this new landmark.12. When you arrive at the new landmark you’re almost there. (less than 1 hour remaining at this point) You call your destination and they will “guide you in”.13. Now they will stay on the phone with you from this point forward and you will frequently hand the phone back and forth between the driver and yourself. You will be told something like, “Head toward the Theater”. Now you won’t see the theater and so you’re driver will use the process in step 8 to determine the initial direction. 14. You’ll tell the person on the phone, “OK. I see the theater, now what” and they’ll reply, “Ok, head toward the chicken factory!”. “Which direction is that? Right? Left? Straight?”, “Oh, I don’t know, you’ll see it when you get there”. You won’t see it. Your driver will use the step 8 process again. Then this will go on for about another 20 minutes and you’ll finally get to your destination with the distance traveled roughly 5-9 times the actual distance and time elapsed 1-3 hours.OK… That was nice. “So what does this have to do with your capture by the auto-rick union?” you’re probably asking yourself.Back to our story… I made is across town to visit my friend using the standard method in the back of an Auto-Rick. But as I was leaving I thought to myself, “I have a blackberry and google maps with GPS! I’ll use that to help us get back more effectively!!!” Well I made the mistake of pulling out my blackberry as we began our journey home and using the google maps tool to get directions so that we could get the trip over in say…. 15-20 minutes rather than the 2 hours it took to get there. Well

Well when I did the city came to a grinding halt and time stopped. Not kidding. You see, apparently the idea of using maps, GPS or “TECHNOLOGY” hadn’t occurred to the Auto-Rick Union before and they viewed this bit of technology as a threat to their management of the Indian economy through their control over how productive people are at work every day. You see, it’s UARBI (see earlier) that controls the economy here. They determine how productive everyone is by how long it takes for folks to get to work and how many brain-cell killing, toxic, gerbil fumes they breathe in on the way. Well when I pulled out my blackberry and showed the driver what route I wanted him to take… that was it. I was immediately seized and taken to a holding cell in UARBI’s headquarters to await my fate.

After being held for 3 days while UARBI determined my fate, I was taken to a brief hearing, where I was able to call in a few of the Delhi Cycling Club to testify as a character witness, they agreed to fine me Rs 1000 (abut US $20) and send me on my way after agreeing not to use or show my blackberry for the remainder of my time in India. I was then provided an auto-rick and told to find my way back to my hotel. I lost only 4 days to the delay. Here in India, that’s pretty good!