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Thursday, 03 March 2011

¡THEY DIDN'T SEE ME COMING!

Isn’t funny how we are not always meant to know the deeper meaning of certain occurrences and need only move forward in life? I ask this question because for 8 months I’ve been employed next door to the last full time job I had. I see my old manager from time to time and each time she acknowledges me, but hurries herself away. The owner of the company had a look of shock on his face when he saw me dressed in a shirt and tie headed to my car after work one day (I suppose he didn’t think that I was capable of finding another company that’s quite like his) itdoesn’t matter to me either way because I’ve processed and released them a while ago. However I did find myself wondering why I wasn’t given a REAL chance to prove myself on that job, why didn’t she give herself a chance to find out that I am a hardANDdedicated worker that cracks jokes to keep the office going? It is SO weird that I can remember having difficulty being unaffected by her behavior, that I had to breathe deeply and remind yourself that I didn’t do anything wrong, and I am NOT responsible for people’s feelings.

To see her now, you wouldn’t believe this was the same woman that being a bitch to me. I still can’t believe that I allowed her to make me ask myself what I could have done to compel her to behave or speak the way she did toward me. As I see her walk quickly from her car OR past me in a hurry, I wonder if she realizes that there are NO real targets in an emotional attack. Do you think she now understands that her dealing with me is her way of redirecting her uncomfortable feelings away from herself? I get that people can be victims when they are attacking others,but why didn’t I see that this was her way of protecting herself and her job (which I didn’t want btw)?

I find my old boss and supervisor to be quite arrogant! They live the lies about how things work and who is in control of this planet. And the strange thing about them is that they aren't worried or horrified about their actions until THEY DIDN’T SEE ME COMING! I have to admit that it was nice to see that they weren’t comfortable with what was unfolding, but then again I wasn’t comfortable when they fired me so…However, this experience has taught me that it is good to cultivate a state of detachment that can provide me with some protection from the person attacking me. This allowed me to feel compassion for her and my former boss because their behavior isn’t about me as it is about their need to show they are in charge. We are all part of a complex system of being, and things work themselves out in the system as a whole. Sometimes we are just playing a necessary part in that process with a result larger than we can understand…right? I don’t wish harm on anyone, but when I think in terms of karma, they have to repay this debt in order to clear their energy; and I will FOREVER thank the event for being part of my experience.