Monthly Archives: December 2015

My WIP’s Third Revision

Critiques (2)

I feel so sorry for people who hate Christmas or pretend it doesn’t exist, because they don’t get to feel the butterflies and the joy I get at this time of year. For them, it’s always winter and never Christmas.

Like this:

My WIP’s Third Revision

Critiques (1)

I finally took the plunge and posted part of my WIP on scribophile for critique.

What I’ve Been Doing

My Trusted Reader thought that my story hit it’s stride after Chapter Five. While she thought it was pretty good after that, I know she only read it because I made her. So, I asked my critters what they thought.

I got a number of reactions that worried me. First, they thought my First Scene was too abrupt. While they thought my MC was strong, they didn’t especially warm to her. Nor did they like my MC’s speech patterns and word choice, feeling they were too intrusive and hampered reading my story. And, finally, one reviewer looked forward to all the magic in my story.

After my wave of startled indignation passed, I swept up my shattered ego, and looked at it, trying to decide my next step. I could have wrapped myself in righteous anger. But…I didn’t.

Instead…I took my five chapters down to rework them.

I came up with a new first scene which showed a number of things critters had complained about in my old first scene. I also conjured up a Save The Cat situation, inviting people to like her. And then I reiterated my original First Scene Situation which spelled trouble for her in the following scenes.

Then I set about fixing what I’ve come to call Deheya-speak, which was a form of Yoda speak. I was heart-broken to have to undo it, in part, because she is MC in 60 of my 96 scenes…gawk. I had a choice to make…did I want to stand on principle, or did I want people to read my story. So, I gave in.

I thought long and hard about my magic system. When one of my critters expressed his hopes for the story, it resonated for me. So I conjured up another subplot for magic, which cost me yet another scene.

Now, I have six chapters posted, and hope to lure critters into going through my story.

What’s Next?

In the mean time, I will try to find critting partners, read their stories, and save up karma points to post the rest of my story.