Last class brought up some of what I think are the most pressing issues for women on the issue of weight.

I’ve always struggled with the idea that any endeavor of mine to lose weight was buying into some bullshit standard the patriarchy stamped into me since I was a kid.

I could never just say, “I want to do this for me” and feel honest with myself. Coming from a family where all the women I knew were pre-occupied with their weight and appearance, it took me a long time to stop focusing on weight and figure out that there were things that were more important than a number on a scale. I felt like I was doing feminism ‘right’.

But why was I letting external ideals (feminist or otherwise) determine how I should think about my body? And even if I removed the moral right-or-wrong from my ideas, on what leg did I stand on to really decide if I wanted take care of my health and finding out what that meant to me?

I’ve gotten to a place where this conflict died down as I started focusing on my studies, separated health and appearance, and started living a much healthier lifestyle out of authentic concern for myself (and losing lots of weight in the process). But I still struggle with the perks that come with unintentional conformity…