Month: December 2016

In my personal and professional experience I have found that, overall, people like to help each other. It’s a general statement, but there are signs of it everywhere, and I think we find our true joy and purpose when we are helping another person. Not only is it the kindness we often get in return, but that feeling of having something to offer that makes it so great.

Most would assume this only happens when times are good. When our life is in order and everything is going well for us, only then are we able to look outside of ourselves to see if anyone else needs assistance.

But I find that’s not the case and I see examples of this in every group I facilitate, every interaction I have among grievers, and now through our site, www.griefincommon.com.

Because although this site was designed to be a place for grievers to come to get help, I see how often they are going there to give help. That may not be the intention and they may not even realize it, but those who are grieving are each others’ greatest teachers.

While we spend time this holiday season online and in stores trying to find just the right gift for our family and friends, we may find there is a certain emptiness to it.

In most cases, the grief tends to fog our view of the joy so many others are feeling. But perhaps another reason is because we know that the best gifts we can give and receive are those that can’t be bought.

Whether we want the holidays to take place or not, eventually the day and the time will come to “celebrate”. With most businesses, shops and restaurants closed, and the majority of people off work, a griever may find that without the distractions or obligations of a normal routine there is too much time, and too much quiet.

I always say spending too much time in our own head can be a bad place to be, and this can be especially true for a griever. It’s why the nights and weekends can be so hard – when things slow down, and the quiet that comes invites a chance for deeper and darker thoughts.

While the holidays are a very sad and challenging time, the stillness and quiet can also create an opportunity for a different type of reflection.

I find that most grievers are surprised by their grief. By the depth of it, the longevity of it, and the inflexibility of it.

On the one hand it seems obvious why we suffer so intensely after someone we love has died. The absence of someone who played such a significant role in our lives is going to leave a void that no one and nothing can fill. As time passes and we expect to be feeling better, we instead face a daily assault of reminders that can trigger harsh and violent waves of grief that may sometimes be just too much to bear.

But why? Why, when we feel we’re working so hard, and getting the support, and being patient and taking the time to grieve – why do we still face this daily hurt that cuts so deep, and why does it continue to happen even as the months and years pass by?