Some knew me as Half-Bengali Half-Russian model Liliana Alam. Others knew me as multi-talent genius TheAnomalyInfinite.Others as silly Lili.I've done many things and known many lives,all irrelevant.What am I really?That's an answer best left to time.Because "What are you when you devote yourself completely to an ideal?....You become something else entirely.... And what is that?
****LEGEND****"

ME-1st Slideshow and MY ARTWORKS-2cd/bottom Slideshow

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

why don't people ever take me seriously? is it because they think i speak from philosophy, imagination, and basically "bullshit", and not realistic implication and experience? i know why many hesitate to examine their lives as i do. i know why many fear examination of anything beyond its obvious explanation. the world is here, so why should we question it? they view those of us who do question as some sort of conspiracy cult. And yet, when I literally make people smile every day, this is not considered implication. When I have received emails from people around the world telling me how I have changed their lives and helped them, well thats not legitimate is it? its not the same as a paper saying i have a degree from harvard university. nope. what is legitimacy? quality? quality defined by being as successful as you possibly can? fulfilling in actuality your potential? or is it a proof of progress? how can i prove that what i feel isn't some ridiculous theory? how can i show people that when i say "mind over matter", "anything is possible", "love everybody as your family", how can i show that these are not wacky phrases which mean nothing, but actually do show their physical presence in this world? how can i prove that when i help someone, they feel it inside, and feel thankful for it, and feel loved? how can i prove that when i have turned total enemies of mine into friends that there is some "beef" as my father would say, to my "theories of water". many look at me and think i just talk a lot of shit and don't actually go through with anything or accomplish goals. everybody around me lives their lives, accomplishing things that are visible, certificates, promotions, raises, etc., and here i am completely out of the blue. i am classified as a philosophist, sometimes a fanatic. and yet, i do not preach my views to others. i simply have no fear to explain in depth many answers to their light questions such as "how was your day" or "hello, good to see you". by really getting down and dirty, as overused as the expression is, it seems to annoy people tremendously. but the main reason why they don't respect me or listen to me is that by any normal measurable standards, yes my "theories", remain "theories". i haven't won the nobel prize in chemistry (YET!!), nor have I published my novel through some reputable publisher. no, i just continue to work on a million different projects stemming from the theatre to the scientific pursuit. i'm a collage of ideas, and although i spend an equal amount of time on all areas of my life, and all aspects of my questions and "philosophies", still, people use that phrase "a wise man focuses on one thing whilst a fool pursues many". quotes , made by people, if compared and contrasted side by side all over the world, every single topic in nature and the manworld has contradictive arguements. so explain how is it that certain quotes are more valued than others? is it because they are "realistically" truer? a renaissance man like da vinci is respected. but i am not. is it because i haven't achieved as much as vinci the great? yes, in measurable standards perhaps. but please feel free to come over to my apartment and you will see for yourself hundreds of paintings, sketches, drawings, computer diagrams, sculptures, cooking recipies, science theories, blablabalba all over its area. and how do i prove that any of these works of mine are "valid"? i made them. what i am, is jsut a vessel. so whatever i produce, is coming externally from somewhere. my ideas are being made into solid action. this is defined as success by many dull quoatations books. BUT PEOPLE STILL THINK I'M FULL OF CRAP. WHY. tell me

i understand i may have to live a life of no gratitude, no respect, no fame, no fortune, and thats fine. i don't think i will ever be understood, except by my love, my blood, my lover, who i am so grateful and fortunate to have. but even he, i don't know if he realizes the genius i know is in me, and truly in us all. i don't want anything. i just want to be myself, do what i do, and hopefully make people around me happy. but this is a deep pain within me, that as hard as i try, nobody sees me. oh well.

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense - and it shows
You're the kind of woman a man would launch a thousand ships for
It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department
But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing.
You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere.

And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile.
You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about.

You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid.
Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else

You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood.
Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Admit it, you can seduce practically anyone. And sometimes you try just for fun.
You're a total heartbreaker that knows when to play it cool.
You are the type of person people go completely lovesick over. Just use your powers for good, okay?

You're highly reactive, energetic, and super charged.
If the occasion calls for it, you can go from 0 to 60 in a split second.
But you don't harness your energy unless you truly need to.
And because of this, people are often surprised by what you are capable of.

Why you would be a good superhero: You have the stamina to fight enemies for days

Your biggest problem as a superhero: As with your normal life, people would continue to underestimate you

Your sexual power is obvious - you don't do anything to hide your sexuality.
In fact, if there's such a thing as a person with too much sexual power, it's you.

Your life and thoughts are dominated by sex. And while it's good to be sexually liberated, you're starting to have a one track mind.
You don't always have to use your sexual power. There's more to human interaction than getting naked!

There's hardly a person on this earth more real than you are.
You have no problem showing people who you are, flaws and all.
For you, there couldn't be any other way. Because it's way too stressful to live an inauthentic life.
You're very comfortable with yourself. And because of this, you're able to live an exciting, interesting, and challenging life.

Why? You like your guys manly - and in control
Not to mean controlling, but you do like the guy to take the lead
A Fire Sign man will take you by the hand and show you the world
Just make sure you're bold too - because this guy likes a challenge!

Hahahah. that's what Every quiz says. Cuz I'm a Leo too-fire sign. Well I'm with a Scorpio (the most fuckin' complicated and mysterious one there is!!!!! geezus)-and it works GREAT. But yea...I do like men who are challenges.

You Are Most Like Samantha!

For you, dating is the ultimate sport
You're into guys with power, looks, or a lot of money.
You rather have a great two weeks than a great forever.
But even you fall victim to love from time to time. :-)

Almost every guy that crosses your path ends up a little worse for the wear.
You see men as your playthings - and your motto is "So many men, so little time."
And while you're having fun, everyone is a little scared of you.
Your girlfriends are leery of your man-eating ways. And most men find you downright freaky.

When you were a kid, people often remarked on how mature you seemed. You acted quite adult.
You excelled at school, and you actually enjoyed it to a large extent. No one had to ask you to do your homework.

As a kid, you were probably a bit picky. You liked structure, schedules, and organization.
You had trouble being friends with regular kids. You probably were only friends with other serious children.

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Generally, you're very happy being a single woman.
And anyone who has a problem with that... well, that's there problem.
Not that you wouldn't share your life with the almost perfect guy.
You simply won't settle though. Your life is too good to share with some substandard man!

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.