What pisses me off the most

I'm angry for a lot of reasons but the biggest thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that how I was raised to behave apparently is all wrong.

I don't do drugs. I drink but usually socially and I have never let myself get out of control and hurt someone or damage something. I don't break stuff. I don't steal stuff. I follow the rules and I try to give everyone a fair chance and show them respect until they demonstrate that I should do otherwise.

All of this doesn't matter though. All I can see is that the ones who do drugs, who drink and act like a total fool, who take stupid and needless risks are the ones actually enjoying life and have success. They have friends, family and loved ones. They have money and adventures.

People who cheat are more often to get what they want than the stupid fucks like me who follow the rules and just get ran over.

My mom is making me apply to work at a bingo hall. I don't want to work at all. I WANT TO BE DEAD. Everything about society makes me angry and I'm getting worse and worse.

I feel like I have zero control over anything and I lash out violently trying to make things happen.

I actually see it the other way around. People who do drugs rarely succeed in the full term, and those who cheat eventually get theirs. Hard working individuals who do the right things are rewarded, if nothing else, by their own piece of mind.

I see the same as the original poster. I see all these people doing drugs and stuff being so incredibly happy, and I'm just sitting here, not going anywhere cause I'm so used to being told "no you can't socialize" that I exempted into depressive states. And now I have this huge fear of being alone that I get mad on multiple accounts to the only person I have for whenever they ignore me for numerous hours of time without explanation. It's hard and I do understand what you're going through.