Wednesday, January 27, 2016

So, in case you're not following @nomoremomjeans on Instagram, I'm pregnant.

Let's go ahead and answer all pertinent questions at once, yes?

19 weeks.

I find out what I'm having on Monday.

It was not planned. A botched change in birth control will getcha every time.

I barfed for 12 weeks, but now I just eat everything in sight.

My initial reaction was "WHAT THE HECK IS THIS" but it's cooled off to the "This is so weird" point. Sometimes I have emotional breakdowns at the OB's office, but other than that we're good.

And I. Hate. Maternity. Clothes.

Who designs maternity clothes? Certainly not pregnant women. If pregnant women designed maternity clothes, it would be like, drawstring waists and Lycra for days. Instead they all have rigid fabric and weirdly saggy bums and enormous belly panels that are only appropriate for when you're 10 days overdue (I've been there).

I'm following the trajectory of my first pregnancy, which is to say that I've stayed fairly small in the belly area (thus far, anyway). (My second pregnancy was like, the trainwreck pregnancies and I literally spent the entire second half crying into my wheat toast while wearing sweats in the hospital.) So, until about 16 weeks this time around, I was able to just wear my regular pants and go on with my life.

And then a belly expansion occurred and now regular pants equal sad times for my comfort level. So, I did what most pregnant women are loathe to do: I went to the maternity store.

This maternity store–which shall remain unnamed but rhymes with Shmotherhood Shmaternity–is my personal hell. First, every retail associate I've encountered there gives me a case of the stabbies. One had the gall to bring me stuff that she "thought I'd like" and I was like "YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE." Second, that store is always so overpacked that it makes me super claustrophobic. Third, nothing ever fits me there.

I went in and tried on SIX (!!) pairs of pants. You know, the ones with the big, stretchy, unattractive panels? And of all those pairs, four were completely saggy in the bum and huge in the ankles. One pair of jeans fit OK and one pair of ponte leggings were good. (Nevermind the awful checkout process at that place. The woman asked me "Are you expecting, or are you just shopping for fun?" Yes, lady. I buy enormous flesh-colored paneled jeans for the thrill of it.)

Of course, when I got home and wore the jeans for two minutes, they lost their shape and I became ragey (as I'm prone to do whilst pregnant–oh, the irritability!) and threw them to the back of my closet. These ponte pants have been the only maternity pants that I can stand. Everything else can die in a fire.

So, I've literally been living in Faded Glory jeggings. Yes, from Walmart. They're the only pants stretchy enough to fit an in-between belly and still fit my legs at the same time, which is apparently some sort of sorcery that only Walmart has figured out. They're $12 and I own nine pairs, I kid you not. I buy pairs like I buy peanut butter, which is weekly. Still, let's face it: They not fancy.

So I was complaining on IG–as one does–and I was contacted by my old sponsor (I sound like I'm in AA) Liverpool Jeans, who thought they might have a solution to my pants woes. See, they have this whole new collection of pull-on jeans (no snaps and zippers, be still my heart) that would probably work for me. I ordered a couple of pairs, and since then, I've been a happy gestating human.

Missing my beloved leather pants, I opted for this waxed Jenifer Legging pair. Even my husband was surprised when he felt them (that sounds weird) because they look super thick but are actually thin and super stretchy. In fact, I wore them all day, which is a feat that another pair of pants has not accomplished for many moons. What's more, they looked cute dressed up for running errands and a couple of meetings, but I swapped out for a comfy hoodie and high tops and they still looked super adorable.

Then, the real MVP came in the form of these Sienna Pull-On jeans. Check out the waistband: It's super thick and totally holds you in, which I feel like I'm really going to come to appreciate in the postpartum months. I wore this out to lunch with my husbands and five of his coworkers tagged along. It was super intimate, let me tell you. But if these jeans can make it through burgers with the boys, they're definitely successful.

So although Liverpool doesn't actually make maternity jeans, if you're a weird in-betweener like me (or you just ask a lot of your denim and want them to be super shaping) then they're definitely worth it. (As an aside, I also own both the Sadie Straight and the Abby Skinny and have always loved the quality.)

So, with that being said, Liverpool is giving one of my readers a chance to win a pair of jeans from their new Contour line or their Core denim line (but seriously, the contour line is pretty fantastic.) Just like Liverpool Jeans on Facebook and IG, and comment which pair you'd like on this post! Easy stuff (don't you hate giveaways that are like "Simply give us your firstborn son and drink the blood of an albino goat to enter!") That's it! You've got a week to enter, and I'll announce the winner next week.

And the real winner is someone who can still shop at regular stores.

Posted by
Jae
at
11:14 AM

20
comments:

Congratulations, Jae! I wish you a peaceful and happy pregnancy, and everything else you'd wish for yourself, including Calvin Klein Magic Maternity jeans. That's a thing I've just made up, but I feel sure you'd like them if they existed ��

Congrats!! You are such a cute pregnant lady though, as much as you don't think so! It's fun to see your progress through Instagram, you look stylish! I was wearing anything baggy and comfy and looked homeless 😂. I can't decide between the Abby or the Sienna pull on leggings. Leggings are my friends, I love how comfy they are. But the Abby looks like I might keep them on all day (I hate wearing jeans for very long, I haven't found a comfortable pair yet!)Thanks for the cool giveaway opportunity!-heidi

Hi! I shopped at target for maternity clothes since I CANNOT stand MM at all (I want to shop alone, I don't need a pushy salesperson breathing down my neck). Their (Target) Liz Lange line started to come out with maternity pants that had a side panel instead of the huge parachute panel in front and those were pretty comfy. Also H&M had some pretty nice maternity clothes that aren't too pricey either. Congratulations!!

Oh the pants look amazing!! I always struggle with the fit of jeans. And the Jenifer leggings would be my first pick. I love the waxed look without actually sweating to death in leather or pleather leggings. My second pick would be the Abby. So many great options.

The sienna pull-ons look amazing. However, myLegs areSo pregnancy fat right now they don't look like they'd fit. I have all the same issues with the maternity pants as you do. Also the opposite problem of the legs being WAY too small to fit me. I'm not big or anything and no sizes fit properly. And who likes to have that stupid belly band? I do not get it. I am not an old man who likes my pants just under my pecs! Gr

1. Congratulations and I wish you the best! That being said, pregnancy is scary for me, and I'm wondering if you feel the same way. I know that you've not had an easy time in the past. Seriously, after my third was born, I watched a t.v. show that had a scene where a woman was giving birth and it genuinely frightened me. Like, cold sweats. It is just SUCH a huge change.

2. Regarding irritability whilst pregnant, when I was going through it for the first time, I e-mailed a friend of mine from work and said, "If this guy who keeps coming into my office doesn't stop humming, I'm going to take this phone and shove it up his *insert curse word here*" and I am not one who curses. I prefer to keep it ladylike.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I follow you on Instagram (@ksmcreative) and was coming to your site to see if I can send you some of my leggings to try. Now I can offer you maternity leggings! I can't seem to find an email to reach you directly, so find me here: www.ksclosetboutique.com. I'm working with some awesome prints this week and can sew you up a pair in the next few days!

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Jae

Jae is trying to eradicate bad mom fashion, one pair of jeans at a time. What qualifies her to write about fashion? Um, nothing except that she is naturally judgmental and is probably judging you, right now.