A Modest Proposal: A Different Version

I am among the 850 people that attend Jesuit Prep. Each day at Jesuit
Prep, we attend 8 grueling classes with 45 minutes of monotonous teaching
about many subjects. Within each classroom, all the beady eyes of each
student stare off into either space or the hanging clock on the opposite
wall. As the 45 minutes tick away and the teacher rambles about a subject,
the second and minute hand on the clock seem to slow down, then stop their
rotational turns. While the clock appears to stop, often our heads droop
down, at where we are sitting, till they reach a comfortable position upon
our arms which we have placed across our desks. Once this repetitive
classroom sequence of events happens, ...

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sleeping and hurting their future
lives and careers is to place table top dancers in every classroom.

I have worked out the details entailing the added cost of these daily
dancing ladies. A well-known friend of mine, who owns a nightclub off of
Harry Hines, was kind enough to divulge the rates per hour that dancers, he
could find for Jesuit Prep, would accept. The amount I was told is $5.00
per hour, ensured that this was a very generous deal by my friend. This
meager hourly wage, times the 7 hours of school, times the 30 classrooms,
and times the 180 class days of school equals approximately $200.00 added
towards each student's tuition. Each student's tuition, currently at
around $5,600 would be raised barely less than 4% to $5,800 per year. As
you can see, the statistics have been thoroughly thought out, the next
question is where to place these table-top dancers. Each classroom
currently has at least one main desk towards the front of the classroom.
Each day the ...

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