Review: Badmashiyaan is complete baloney!

Badmashiyaan does not have any real plot to tell so it crams the script with numerous characters, who enter and leave at will, warns Sukanya Verma.

A preening couple sitting amidst fake floral arrangements assumes that their love story deserves an account.

A Haryanvi baritone takes control of the voiceover to follow.

A third person’s love story and break up plays out.

Another preening couple shows up amidst fake floral arrangements (same set) even as the Haryanvi guy’s yammering continues while a new parallel track about the third person’s best friend and a serial con girl trying to steal from Don who turns out to be the man behind the said Haryanvi accent develops.

This musical chair of subtexts goes on for a while.

Are you sufficiently confused? You’re on the right track.

Five couples find the love of their lives around connected coincidences in Fun Never Ends-Badmashiyaan. Except director Amit Khanna’s definition of happenstance is so dreadfully convoluted, witless and drab, my head screams migraine at its mere mention. The only reason I am still holding on to its woeful memory is for the sole purpose of this review.

Badmashiyaan does not have any real plot to tell so it crams the script with numerous characters, who just enter and leave at will, never missing an opportunity to caw something that can only be found in rejected text of Valentine’s Day cards.

The chronology of the events is deliberately tampered with the intention to impress but what can a gimmicky plot device do when the writing is as birdbrained as it is here.

So a guy meets a girl (it happens a lot in this movie) during a bank robbery.

During this encounter, he trips on top of a randy middle-aged woman who seems to have taken her 15 seconds of fame too seriously. Between her orgasmic complaints and his nervous protests, the robbery is conveniently forgotten about. Even the cops seem more concerned about these jokers instead of reporting the heist.

The idiocy is far from over. The girl I mentioned most recently bumps into her friend right outside the bank and their conversation goes something like this:

'Hey, who was that guy with you?'

'Just someone I met during a bank robbery.'

'Oh wow, bank robbery and all. So let’s meet for drinks later tonight?'

Wearing incoherence like a badge, Badmashiyaan proceeds to and fro exhausting the viewer with its relentless lunacy and shabby screenwriting.

Apparently, the Censor Board objected to the usage of ‘kutte kaminey’ in one of its dialogue but a gag involving a dog named Dildo is perfectly acceptable? Acceptable or not, it’s certainly not humorous. Nor are those close-ups of a bloke’s urine.

What’s most unpleasant about this baloney are the actors -- Suzanna Mukherjee, Siddhant Gupta, Karan Mehra, Sharib Hashmi and all those random pop-ups -- it’s like a grand mela of wooden exhibits. Only Gunjan Malhotra, who played Arjun Kapoor’s sister in Tevar, displays some spunk in a thankless part.

At some point, a character whines about how people excuse themselves under the pretext of going to the washroom and never return to him. Badmashiyaan is one such excuse.