Confronting the death of a parent, spouse, or friend is overwhelming. We may struggle with questions such as what will holidays be like without him? How will you go on without her? You know you’re not ready to let go, but it’s important that your loved one is comfortable at the end — even if that means accepting outside help from others. Hospice services may be the help that you need.

Why hospice?

Hospice services can be the help that is needed in your loved one’s final precious days so that you can both make the most of the time that is left. Hospice is a philosophy of care recognizing death as the final stage of life.

Professional hospice staff ensure that the patient’s wishes are being listened to and carried out. They also provide the physical, spiritual, and emotional support that you may not yet even know that you or your loved one might need.

Hospice is a comprehensive program of comfort, or palliative care, based on the belief that every day has meaning and providing freedom of pain, fear and uncertainty enhances the quality of life for those facing the end of life.

When should you consider hospice?

Hospice care may be an appropriate choice when a client can no longer benefit from curative treatments and has a limited life expectancy, as diagnosed by a physician.

Hospice service begins when the client, physician and family decide it is best.

If the client or family member’s situation changes, the client’s condition improves or the disease goes into remission the client can be discharged from hospice services, yet resume services at a later date if needed.

Do my loved one’s benefits cover hospice care?

The cost of hospice care is covered for a variety of ages. Most private insurance plans offer hospice coverage and follow the Medicare guidelines.

The benefit helps to cover services and care provided by the hospice team, medications and equipment related to the hospice diagnosis, and/or a variety of care levels, including routine, respite, general inpatient and continuous care (as appropriate).

If you are interested in hospice care, contact your loved one’s doctor, or your loved one’s facility’s social services department. These professionals will help you get started down the road to hospice services that may be able to serve you in your life’s most difficult situation.

Seniors commonly talk about the end of life. Your family member may speak of dying or longing to go to heaven. This doesn’t have to be cause for alarm. It’s important to recognize the difference between sadness, reflection on one’s life, and thoughts of suicide.

If you see a loved one exhibiting serious signs like prolonged depression, anxiety, or talking about harming themselves, they may be at risk. If you believe a loved one is suicidal, you must take action.

1. Call 911 if it’s an immediate emergency.

Get help from professionals who specialize in crisis intervention and suicide prevention. See below for crisis hotlines, and the sources at the bottom of this article for additional resources.

2. Do not leave the person alone.

Take away access to firearms, medications, sharp objects, belts, cords, cars, plastic bags and other means that could be used to attempt suicide.

3. Do not be sworn to secrecy. Reach out to family members, friends or clergy who may be able to help talk to the person.

4. Be direct. It is a myth that talking about suicide will lead a person to be suicidal. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about the person’s feelings and intentions.

5. Do not be argumentative or judgmental. This may make the person feel defensive and less willing to accept help.

On average, 6,000 people die each day in the United States. It is only a matter of time before all of us will find ourselves in a position to show caring and support for someone experiencing the grief of losing a loved one. However, many of us will find ourselves at a loss for words as we try to console them.

Many articles on grieving recommend that we don’t need to worry about what we say because the griever will know that your words are “well-meaning”, or stem from love and caring. In reality, our “well-meaning” comments can offend, or even anger, the grieving, often making them feel worse. The following are examples of the most offensive:

It wasn’t meant to be

Others have it worse than you

Everything happens for a reason

God will never give you more than you can handle

I know just how you feel

You must be strong

The above comments are not comforting, they are judgmental and controlling. We often don’t know what to say, and so our own discomfort makes us try to minimize or fix the grief instead of understanding that our words may be hurtful. Instead, take a more compassionate approach such as:

I’m so sorry for your loss

I’m sorry that you are going through this

I don’t have the right words to say, but please know that I care

Let’s get a cup of coffee

I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I am here to help

You and yours are in my thoughts or prayers

Responses like this are helpful and supportive because they are not judgement or controlling. They do not try to fix what is not fixable, or tell the grieving what to feel, think, or do. At some point in all of our lives, we might be in their shoes and try to think about what you would want someone to say to you.

Remember that in the initial days and weeks following a death, the mourner is surrounded by many people. However, after a month or two, and when their supporters have returned to their own schedules, the grieving may feel abandoned. Keep in touch with them. Tell funny stories, or recount special memories. Thought nothing can erase grief, we can be present and supportive. It’s never wrong to be kind, considerate, caring, and thoughtful.

For too many seniors in our country, abuse or neglect is an all-too-real part of life. Knowing the signs of elder abuse, as well as where to get help, can change that. It is important to know the definition of elder abuse. Elder abuse can be:

Physical: such as hitting or restraining a person

Sexual: including any non-consensual contact

Emotional: such as humiliating, intimidating, threatening or repeatedly ignoring a person

Neglect or abandonment: including preventing a person from receiving basic needs

Exploitation: theft of a person’s money, property or assets

Know the WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE:

Unexplained injuries, such as scratches, bruises or welts

Withdrawal from usual activities and relationships

Sudden changes in habits such as spending, hygiene or appearance

Changes in mood(or mood swings) such as depression, confusion, insomnia, anger or crying

Any mention of mistreatment

Keep in mind that these signs may not be caused by elder abuse, but do follow up to root out the causes.

If you suspect abuse, always dial 911 for immediate help. If someone isn’t in immediate danger but you suspect abuse, talk to the dispatcher about the situation and what you can do.

Remember, some seniors may feel ashamed or afraid to report abuse. You might have to step in to seek help.

Where to find more help:

National Domestic Violence Hotline. This hotline is available 24/7 to offer resources and support. Call 1-800-799-7233.

Grieving the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest journeys in life to travel. Sometimes grief can be surprising, and at other times can be overwhelming. While there’s no instruction book that tells you how to grieve, there are common stages of grief that may help you understand how you’re feeling or processing your loss.

The 5 Common Stages of Grief

1. Denial: You may have difficulty believing the loss actually happened, finding yourself in a state of shock or disbelief. “I can’t believe this is happening.”2. Anger: You may direct anger at the death, your loved ones, the person who died, yourself, the world, or God. “I’m so angry, and I’m not sure why or who I’m angry at.”3. Bargaining: You may find yourself second-guessing or imagining what you could have done to reverse fate or go back in time to change the outcome. “If only I had done this differently.”4. Depression: You may feel numb, helpless, empty, sad or exhausted, and not care about much of anything around you. “I just don’t know how I will go on.”5. Acceptance: You accept the reality of the loss and begin to regain strength and energy. You start adjusting to life without your loved one. “I have found peace. It’s OK to be happy.”

You may move through all five stages in this order, or you may skip a stage, or you may come back to the same one several times. You might start the grieving process before your loved one dies, or grief may catch you by surprise when you are alone later. Remember: grief is unique to each person, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

What can I do to get through the grieving process?

Take care of yourself. Grieving, or being emotionally exhausted can take a serious toll on your health. Try to get plenty of sleep at night, take a nap, eat healthy meals even if you don’t have an appetite, and drink plenty of water as dehydration can cause headaches, joint and muscle pain, and fatigue.

Talk about your feelings. Release what you feel like inside, even if it seems embarrassing or self-indulgent to tell someone else. Or, find a private outlet to express your feelings such as keeping a journal, starting a project, or reflecting on the good times you spent with your loved one.

Keep going. It’s OK to want to have time to be by yourself as long as you remember that you also need to get out of the house. Getting out may be as simple as taking a walk around the mall, or having a cup of coffee in the park. Being around other people can remind you of how much life is around you.

Find small moments to be grateful for. Even in the depths of your grief, there will be small moments that can fill you with gratitude such as the warmth of a fresh cup of tea, the comfort of a friend who calls to say hello, the coziness of a favorite chair and blanket. Take a second to acknowledge these small comforts, and give thanks for their presence in your life today. With time, you’ll find more and more moments to be grateful for, to laugh, and to enjoy yourself again.

The grieving process is different for every person, and with every loss. Don’t push yourself to “just muscle through” the stages. Instead, remind yourself of all of the steps on the road to peace, and make the emotionally healthy choices you need to take you as peacefully as possible through the journey.

Over the past 20 years there has been a reported 300% increase in the number of Americans who report that they few or no close confidants. This is not only upsetting, but now an analysis of a total of 23 scientific studies reveal just how physically sick loneliness can actually make you.

According to a 2016 study published in the British medical journal, Heart, those who suffer from “poor social relationships” experienced a 29% greater risk of heart disease, and 32% greater risk of stroke.

These statistics equalize loneliness and social isolation with other well-known risk factors for cardiovascular disease such as anxiety and job strain. These statistics also surpass the cardiovascular risks of physical inactivity and obesity. Lead researcher Nicole Valtora of the Department of Health Sciences, University of York, England reports that “interventions to prevent coronary heart disease and stroke should take loneliness and social isolation into consideration.” She went on to say that such interventions could be relatively inexpensive to implement, especially when considering that the cost of ignoring cardiovascular disease factors totaled $193 billion in 2015.

However, it is important to note that loneliness and social isolation are not always linked. It is possible to feel lonely in a crowd, or to be alone and feel content. It is when your experience is negative, you are not happy with your social interactions, or if you’re grieving a loss will be when your well-being is at risk.

Valtora’s studies involved 181,000 people living in the U.S., Europe, and Japan, the data excluding those who identified as lonely, but had already been diagnosed with cardiovascular disease. Participants were tracked for between 3-21 years, and it was found that among these people there were 4,628 heart attacks or related events and 3,002 strokes. Further, the data showed that age was not necessarily a factor, and there was no significant difference between men and women.

A separate study performed in 2015 by Brigham Young University researchers concluded that both actual and perceived isolation were associated with early death. Social isolation corresponded with a 29 percent greater risk of premature death, loneliness corresponded with a 26 percent greater risk, and living alone corresponded with a 32 percent greater risk. This same data also determined that social isolation and loneliness threatened longevity as much as obesity did. Interestingly, in 2010 this same team of Brigham Young researchers were also involved in a study that concluded that loneliness is as bad for your heart as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

According to Brigham Young researcher Julianne Holt-Lunstad what can be done to mitigate the cardiovascular risk of loneliness and social isolation is to nurture close relationships and seek to develop a “diverse set of social connections”. A key advantage in elderly populations often occurs within the setting of a long-term care facility where residents may have previously been isolated due to physical or cognitive impairments, but now enjoy a richer social and activity structure with their peers.