Friday, May 20, 2011

I admit I have a talent for getting myself out of trouble. After much narcissistic rereading of my last post I decided that I had to make this work. SO I've PLANNED! I've made a FB group for support me in my strategic planning, and revised the plan to the point where I really think it's doable. I've even budgeted it and requested an amount that I can spend before I have to start spending my own money.
So once again, I've gotten myself out of trouble... I think. We have personal growth! Babysteps. Baaaby Steps!
Its going to be hard work but I'm a lot calmer now.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I've done it again. Volunteered for a project that I can do.
Well, I could do it if I had time and supplies.
But I'm a mum of three. I don't have the fricking time. I don't have the finances to do practice runs and I don't probably don't have the skills when it comes to it. I have the ability to learn, but I don't currently possess those skills and have no chance of learning them before I need to use them.

Why do I do this to myself! Maybe my subconcious knows the only way I'll grow and get out of this mummy-dead-brain rut is by extreme pressure?
Either way it's sure to be entertaining. Stay tuned.

I'm sorry. But since WHEN did it become our job to decide others relationships fate?

What happened to better or worse? Does worse only apply when it's glamorous? Do you imagine a man in a wheelchair (who still manages to be wickedly satisfying around 'o' just when the poor heroine needs release), doing his bravest to get back to full strength... Is that what you think of as worst?

The truth is, often the worst is that apathetic state, when you've lost touch, sex is a chore if you can even bring yourself to do it, meals go unappreciated, quality time needs go unmet, dreams fade and a couple drifts further and further apart, wondering what they ever saw in each other. (Oh, this breaks my heart!)

When my marriage was failing, yet again, the best friend I had was the one encouraging me to try again, just one more time. To look at the problem from his point of view and to work with me on ways to get back 'on track'. Only when emotional abuse + adultery + my sheer, hysterical fear of his return from a business trip = my friend suggesting it was time to trial some time apart to see if I could let him close enough to me again work through the issues. She was gold. I could trust that she wasn't just telling me what I wanted to hear, what was easiest to say to get me to shut up so she could talk about her own issues.

I'm not suggesting we condone violence, nor serious mental or emotional abuse. But ladies, if your friend hasn't even asked her husband/partner to work on the issues, let alone waited for him to say yes/no to counselling, it's not your place to tell her to get out. It's your place to listen. Be a supportive friend. Especially if kids are involved, it's imperative they try everything else and then some to make the relationship work.

In good times, and in bad, for better or worse you are a best friend and should have her best interests at heart, not just the quick answer telling her the truth. Love your friend, want only the best for her, but use wisdom. Often the best is the personal growth that comes with renewal of an intimate relationship.

And remember, love is a verb, even in a friendship. Buy her a book, drive her to a counselling session, or ring around to find her an appointment. Be proactive in your love for your friend, so demonstrating how she can be proactive in her love to her partner. Sometimes it's just enough to kick us over the line into wanting to try again, when someone demonstrates active love.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

philosophy of geek: Relationship Watch - Love is a verb: "Do I believe my cousin still loves her husband? Absolutely. But I don't think she is "in love" with him, in that all consuming, no-longer-have-a-choice way that we feel when first we fall for someone. At some point, love becomes a choice. "

When reading GRC's above post about What makes relationships last I thought two things. First up, this.

Secondly, THAT'S US!!
For reasons that are not your business, my partner as never fallen in love with me. He loves me yes.
But did he fall for me? No.
For my beloved, he's always chosen to love me. He decided that he wanted to be a family together. This makes me wonder, am I actually fortunate that he never 'fell' for me? While I miss sometimes that we didn't go through that amazing experienceof falling in love, I'll never have to worry that the gloss will wear off and he might fall out of love with me.

GRC also said:

You see your partner as a whole person, with all of their own nuance, flaws and graces.

This was us when we began our relationship. We knew the whole person before us - We've known each other our whole lives, and we know each other inside out (though there are and have been definitely a few surprises!) it's just how it's always been.
There have been a few of those moments recently, (he's been absent in body and in mind a lot due to work) when I longed for a nice 'in love' memory to get me through the harder days, but thankyou GRC for the reality check.
I am loved and I love. In an active, verb sense of the word.