A Breakdown of The Latest ‘Game of Thrones’ Season 5 Trailer

“Lannister. Baratheon. Stark. Tyrell. They’re all just spokes on a wheel. This one’s on top, then that one’s on top and on and on it spins. Crushing those on the ground. I’m not going to stop the wheel. I’m going to break the wheel.”

And just like that, Daenerys enters the Game of Thrones monologue hall of fame. Let’s be clear, Dem Thrones is the most interesting TV show on, period. You wanna battle out for that “Best” title? Go ‘head, homie. I’ll be over here enjoying some Arbor Gold in the brothel that Petyr Baelish left behind in King’s Landing while you’re working out those semantics. Don’t worry about the fact that half of the most compelling characters we started with are dead now, season 5 expands the world even more on top of a world you needed a TI-86 calculator to keep track of anyway.

Now, my fellow Senators, I’ll direct you to the gentleman from New York, Mr. Calhoun, who is less than optimistic about Thrones moving forward because of the quality drop-off of the books in the series. I would counter that the goodwill that David Benioff and Dan Weiss (the showrunners) have built over the first four seasons and the problems with the source (Books 4: “Feast for Crows” and 5: “Dance of Dragons”) give these cats a lot more license to go way left and improve upon the mythology. These dudes are prime to go off script. Think of this as every time Kanye West shows up at an awards show without the white tears and 40 think pieces the next day.

As I’ve written before, your boy is still pretty excited for what is coming this season because Westeros and Essos are still the best vacation spots every spring; as long as you don’t actually have to visit there and can people watch from your couch.

0:20 – I know he’s like, 14, but Tommen is probably a terrible kisser. Him getting the greenlight with Margery Tyrell is like being born with a silver spoon in your mouth while kissing one of the most beautiful women on TV before you’re 15th Nameday.

0:30 – Tyrion sees a dragon flying overhead and is in equal awe that HBO expanded its CG budget.

0:36 – Pretty sure the dragon getting his Smaug in (pre Desolation) is Drogon, the one that Daenerys named after her late husband Khal Drogo. You know, the big black one that is perceived as the most dangerous and unruly of the dragons. Gotdamnit George. Really? Sigh.

0:49 – Brienne…in the snow…ok.

1:08 – Yo Chess Game!

1:16 – If you don’t read the books, you may not know them yet, but the Sons of the Harpy got no chill whatsoever. They’re like the Guilty Remnant from The Leftovers with swords and birthright.