Wouldn’t it be great if everyone did what we wanted them to do all the time? Make a request and BOOM!, the request is granted. Ask for something to be accomplished and SHAZAM!, it’s done. That would be awesome! And, what if it happened for everyone? Wouldn’t that be great? We’d all be happy all the time.

Well, let’s get over that…we all know that this isn’t the way it is. The waiter doesn’t bring the water. My 15 year old doesn’t clean his room. One of my employees continues to miss deadlines. My boss waits until my formal performance review to tell me how things are going. Not everyone does what we need all the time. It just doesn’t happen. Sometimes this isn’t a big deal (I can wait on the water). But other times it really matters (our customers are complaining).

We all have that one person—could be a friend, a child, a co-worker, an employee, a spouse (by the way, most of us have more than one these people in our lives) that does something that gets in our way, bugs us, annoys us, challenges us, or drives us up a wall. No matter how many times we’ve asked or begged or yelled or pleaded—nothing changes. What’s wrong with these people?!?!

What it comes down to is me (and you). It comes down to what we say, when we say it, and how we say it. It comes down to the words we choose and when we choose to use them. It comes down to us—you and me—and how we do this. Because, if we don’t do anything differently, how can we expect anything to change? After all, we’ve tried everything and, if we keep doing what we’ve always done we’re going to get what we’ve always got (you’ve heard that before).

We do have choices. When we choose those words and choose to use them, we could do it in a way that instills fear (you know…a threat). This is a powerful way to get folks to do what we want…in the short-term. You’ll get what you want and cause a whole lot of bad feelings in the process (anger, resentment, etc.). This is the long-term impact. Trust me, this is not the way to do it (if you want to keep getting promoted, if you want your children to be open with you, if you want extra-special service). You might be asking, why do people take this tact. We’ll address this in another discussion.

Instead, think about what you can do to get the change to happen and leave the person feeling okay or even good about meeting your need. Be polite, be respectful, talk about the impact on you and others, offer support…you know treat the person as you would like to be treated. This doesn’t mean all hugs and kisses all the time by the way. There will be occasions when you have to be a little tough (“We’ve talked about you being late on your work. We agreed that the next time you were late that I would need to formally document the incident. You are late again with an assignment. I am going to document this and it will go in your record.”). But if you’re doing it right—these times will be few are far between.

So, it is all about me! (or you) For me to affect change and get my needs met, I will likely need to change my own behavior first. Trust me again, this will get you further, faster AND the people around you will come to respect and trust you and they’ll work harder to never let you down.

One simple behavior can lead to $100′s of millions in more business. What if you were able to ask your employees to do one thing…one simple thing…differently and that one thing led to $100′s of millions in more business? Interested?

Love them or hate them, Southwest Airlines makes money. They do the basics better than any other airline. Think like turn planes around faster, get passengers on board faster, and provide basic service better. They have one of the best safety records in the industry and they they do not charge for checked luggage. They also make money, did I mention that?

In an incredibly competitive industry they still find ways to make money while at that same times making their customers feel good. In an effort to boost revenues, Southwest started offering an upgrade to their Business Select fliers. For $20, passengers could buy their way to the front of the line to get first choice of non-reserved seat and carry-on space. They also received a coupon for a cocktail. When passengers called reservations, reserved on-line, or checked in at the airport they were asked a very simple question: Would you like to get on first, have a good place for your bag and enjoy a cocktail?

This simple question resulted in $100 million in additional revenue and some really happy customers.

This story illustrates the power of behavior. That simple question–Would you like to get on first, have a good place for your bag and enjoy a cocktail?– is a behavior. Yes behavior and behavior really matters in business.

But that word…that one little word gets in the way. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word behavior? If you’re like most people, words like children, bad, school, attitude come up. Sadly, these associations get in the way of THE single most important driver of performance in any organization. After all, machines don’t run, sales aren’t made, initiatives do not get implemented, and leaders don’t lead without behavior. As important as it is, it is one of the least understood parts of business yet it holds transformational potential.

We’re all behaving all the time. Everything we say and every action we take is a behavior. Giving instructions, attending a meeting, smiling, asking a question, answering the phone, writing a note, giving performance feedback…all are behaviors. Attitude, intentions, thoughts…are not behaviors. A simple way of looking at this, if you can put it on a video tape its a behavior. If it is internal to someone (as in a intent) or has to be explained (because the video tape isn’t enough) then it most probably is not a behavior.

This is important because once we understand what behavior is and isn’t, then we are in a position to influence it and influencing behavior the right way can unlock the most amazing potential which can readily and directly lead to significant improvements in business results.

So here was your introduction to behavior, what do you think? What more do you want to know?

It’s not what we don’t know that hurts us. It’s what we believe is true that isn’t that does the damage.

You’ve likely heard the saying “perception is reality.” For those of us doing the perceiving it is OUR reality. It might not be THE reality, but it is our version of reality (I’m not trying to get all metaphysical on you here).

Normally, the two versions are close enough not to cause us problems. However, there are times when the subject is a big deal or important and the disconnect between my version of what is true and the real version of what is true can cause some serious problems. This is when a coach can help.

We’ve all experienced the impact of this disconnect. I hear a co-worker say something in a way that, to me, sends the message that her work is more important than mine. Based on this, I say something to correct her. Which over time escalates into a broken relationship. Or my boss sits back in his chair, crosses his arms, and looks at me over his glasses when I’m providing an update. I see this and I feel that he is impatient with what I’m saying and I shut down. My boss in turn sees me lack of words as a lack of preparation.

In both of these rather simple examples, and there is an endless number of them, how I perceived the words and actions of others affected how I acted which in turn affected how the other person acted. (By the way, this happens in reverse sometime too…where I might get “credit” for something based on someones perception of what I said or did.) So what’s to be done?