Entries in zombies
(21)

This week is full of Lunches. Does this happen to you? You can go for a month just eating your salad in the lunch room or occasionally popping out to the mall, and then all of a sudden all the "we should do lunch!" conversations you've had in the last few weeks align like the stars and you're booked solid.

Although, my lunch date yesterday was with my Mom, so I'm not sure if that earns me popularity points. But she did bring me presents - some random stuff from my Grandma's house, which everybody has been spending the past 6 months cleaning and organizing.

(My grandma lived in a 5-bedroom, 4-level split for over 50 years, the last 40 of them by herself, before going to a home. Why the hell would she throw stuff out? She had closet space to beat the band.)

The bag had some tea (unopened), a couple of christmas ornaments, and what looked like a dead squirrel.

"Um." I pointed to it. My mom isn't in the habit of gifting me with dead squirrels, although since she's basically an older version of me I wouldn't put it past her.

"Um, yes. We found that. Your grandma still had it."

I inspected it more closely and realized what it was. My hair. From when I was 9 years old and decided to chop it all off. My grandma was so distraught at the thought of her only granddaughter cutting her long locks that she asked to keep it.

Probably nobody thought she would keep it for THIRTY YEARS.

(The note says: "Nov 10 - 1983, Keely's ponytail after having her hair cut she saved it for me". Then she initialed it. I'm not sure who exactly she was keeping a record for, but it's kind of charming, in a "one day this will all be dust in the wind so better write it down" kind of way.)

Well, are you ready? Do you know what to do? Don’t look at me, I took advantage of your momentary confusion to get a head start. I’m competitive that way.

Me: “What do you think happens to Mini-Pops when they’re too old to be Mini-Pops? You’d think at least one of them would go on to fame and fortune, or something.”

Alfred: “Soylent Green. They’re fuel for the next generation of Mini-Pops.”

(UPDATED: I can't believe y'all don't know what the Mini Pops are. I desperately wanted their albums when I was a kid; I don't know why I didn't just get the ORIGINAL music, but whatevs. Here: http://www.minipopkids.com/mpk6.php )

I’ve blocked four IP addresses from that John Rambo guy who keeps trying to get me to boycott American Women. I’m telling you, I’VE TRIED, I just can’t quit you guys.

How the zombie plague will really get started. (Because, well, that WOULD totally be hilarious.)

I have a job interview for a job that I reeeeeaaaalllly want this week. Send me good vibes, and maybe it will help me to not vomit. Or at least not vomit at a really inopportune time.

My laptop is back and virus-free, yay! And fully functional. Other than that missing software. And…the charge cord they claimed they didn’t have, so I had to buy a new one. For $120.

But they completely forgot to charge me the $190 for the virus removal, so I guess I’m ahead of the game.

You know, I can’t say as I’d recommend the Geek Squad.

And now, before the time bomb they planted explodes, I think I’ll be done.

I didn’t manage to gain my 5lbs in December. In fact, I weighed myself today and I haven’t gained any weight. I mean, I knew it was hard to lose weight – I’ve never been the sort of person who could give up chewing gum and lose 5 pounds as a result – but I had no idea it was hard to gain it, too. However, apparently I can eat every Christmas treat in front of me and chug nog for a solid month, without any ill effects.

This is fascinating information to have.

I finally went ahead and booked my flight to Nashville for the BlissDom conference at the end of the month. Yay!

I should probably tell my boss I’m going to that, huh?

Did you all have a good New Year’s Eve? I remember when it used to be a thing for me. There was excitement, anticipation, more than a few cocktails. We considered carefully what we would wear, we tried desperately to get rid of our shifts at work if we had them. Even if you didn’t make plans the weeks or months in advance, there was always something going on.

The last few years, though, not as much. This year, Alfred had to work, though he was home by 10. I had a glass of wine and watched the second episode of Walking Dead, and went to bed at 11. I was probably still awake when midnight rolled around, but only because I was lying there shivering and imagining how I’ll get home to protect my family if the Zombie Apocalypse hit while I am in Nashville.

So, just like every other night, really.

A couple of days ago I ordered some books online and I was going to include Eat Pray Love because MindyAnn recommended it a while ago and also I’m probably the last person on the planet to read it. But then they only had a used copy and it was going to be 2 weeks to ship and blah blah, I figured I’d just go buy one in the next couple of days.

Then today my Mom gave me my Christmas present, which included a copy of Eat Pray Love.

Don’t you just love Christmas miracles?

I feel like I should have been more productive over my little break. I was going to brush up on my Mac skills, do some drawing. Instead I drank a lot of wine and watched non-PBSKids television for the first time in 2 years. I’m sort of disappointed in myself. I could have built a lightsaber, or something.

(Note: I didn't say I de-uglified it. It's still purple. And there's still a ham on there. TRADITIONS, people.)

There is definite weirdness going on with the link, though - in theory I should have eradicated ALL of the old fugly purple buttons, and replaced them with the new fugly purple buttons. But the old ones are still showing up. They're a little like an insidious disease.

So I'm sorry if you're diseased.

The other day I pulled up behind a car that had no less than 6 sparkly pink stickers that proclaimed it's owner "SPOILED".

It was an early 90s Chevy Caprice.

I kind of wanted to leave a dictionary as a gift. I probably could have hefted one through the missing window.

So most of you were pretty skeptical about my "advice column" idea. And asked a lot of questions about mayonnaise. But then someone asked a question that I HAVE AN ANSWER TO, so now I have to go through with the whole thing just to prove to you guys that I am a font of useless information.

(Also, that I can be a know-it-all jackhole. But you probably already suspected as much.)

You should probably help me out. You can use the 'contact me' form on the right to ask a question anonymously, if you're not comfortable posting it publicly. Go on with your shameful queries, you dirty birds.

Don't make me answer some of the stuff that gets people here via google:

How did you guys spend your labor day? I spent mine dicking around on the internet, and playing the new(ish) Going Rogue content on my beloved City of Heros MMO (which is, essentially, more dicking around on the internet). If there's a Creator, that's probably as they intended it. Slacking is good for the soul.

Last week there were car eyelashes. This week, the Y chromosome contingent felt left out, so there are car moustaches.

(I'm not sure why the only colors available are black or HOT PINK.)

There are changes, changes afoot in the casa del Un Mom. Hubby is taking classes; I may have a job opportunity. It's enough to make a person giddy.

(That could also be the wine.)

Anybody remember my New Years commitment to Two Week Resolutions? No? Good.