I was reading a fellow Coach's blog about claiming your “Inner Badass,” when I stumbled on the words “alter ego.” I knew what she wrote and I knew what she meant, but in my head I heard “Walter Ego,” and busted out laughing. Ooooooh, “Walter Ego” sounds so much better to me—and less daunting—than pointing to my alter ego and blaming it for all of my less-than-desirable traits. Walter Ego sounds like a goofy, nerdy, less-than-sophisticated male counterpart. He seems harmless, a bit wimpy and passive, which makes him more approachable. My Alter Ego, on the other hand—the one I've been trying to tame since I started my quest for self-improvement decades ago—seems uppity, judgmental, and aloof. And she is not very fun to be around. Perhaps that is why I've been having some difficulty trying to hide her, or get rid of her. Because we all know that trying to annihilate a part of ourselves never works. In fact, trying to do so only creates a bigger monster who often seems very out-of-control. Ironically, it's traits like “wimpy,” “passive,” and “needy” that I try to avoid acting like because those traits seem...well, wimpy, passive and needy. They are not desirable characteristics to embody. “Hi, I'm wimpy, passive, and a bit needy. Nice to meet you.” Yeah, that will get me a ton of friends. Behaving like a passive wimp gets people into trouble, even bullied. Hmmm, one has to wonder what happened to me long, long ago to make me swear off being a passive, needy wimp (no worries, folks, this topic will be uncovered in a future blog!). But why—if I try not to come across as passive, needy and wimpy—is it so easy to feel love and adoration for my Walter Ego when he is exactly those traits? Because picturing him as I do—a timid, dowdy man who has no intention of hurting a flea—allows me to muster up a ton of compassion for him. I see him in my head and I am immediately drawn to him like a puppy on the street. He's adorable. He's even someone I wouldn't mind getting to know—because he's not the least bit interested in anything more than being loved for who he is. My masculine side is an independent, driven she-male who is often in hyper-drive, duking it out another day as a single Mom who has to take care of everything. She is not allowed to feel tired or weak or lonely. (Yeah, she's a lot of fun.) But meeting my Walter Ego puts that all of my “bad” ego traits into a healthier perspective. I can still channel my inner she-male, but she doesn't have to be tough and stand-off'ish and driven. She can be wimpy and passive and less-than-sophisticated... And still hold it all together. I can still be a badass, while loving those traits in me that I consider weak, because weakness isn't always a bad thing. In fact, my Walter Ego may be the best parts of me because she-he gives me permission to feel vulnerable, and less-than-perfect, and still feel like a bad-ass. A bad-ass who isn't afraid of failing or lounging about or feeling cranky. Learn to embrace your Walter Ego and see what undesirable traits you may be trying to hide. They are probably just masking a more vulnerable and real (ahem, fun!) side of you. Your own “Walter” may be relieved to finally be let out of the closet, taken off the hook, and invited into your life.

Author

After being raised in the mid-west, I migrated south for high school (with a year in Brazil) and college, and ventured west for a long marriage (and later, divorce)...and eventually landed in the northwest--my real home. Sigh.