YouTube star Jake Paul nabs a $7 million Calabasas mansion

Yolanda thought we’d stay in kidzone today, and we’d like to apologize to your eyeballs in advance. We’ll try to be brief with this one.

Besides spending absurd sums of money to watch one of those DJs press some buttons on his/her laptop and buying thousands of $30 jars of blue gummy bear “hair vitamins”, those crazy millennials have at least one other hobby. And that hobby is watchin’ other kids make a damn fool of themselves on the YouTube, duh! Take the Paul brothers, two hyperactive young blonde dudes from Ohio who embody every negative frat boy stereotype known to mankind.

Both Pauls — Logan, 22 and Jake, 20 — hit it big on the now-defunct Vine app before transitioning to the money-making machine that is the YouTube. Though they’ve been famous for a remarkably short period of time — four years or less — the unlikely entrepreneurs have become extraordinarily wealthy. Logan, the elder Paul bro, recently slapped down $6,550,000 for a big-ass Robert Byrd-designed (and eccentrically renovated) mansion in the best part of Encino.

As a remarkably useless aside, Yolanda briefly crossed paths with Mr. Logan Paul and his then-girlfriend at an event way out in Bradbury Estates about a year or two ago, though at the time we did not realize he was famous on the YouTube. Suffice to say that the persona portrayed in Mr. Paul’s videos does not differ from his offline act. But we digress.

Jake Paul

Jake, the younger Paul boy, is the one we shall discuss today. Our Mr. Paul is known for his trademark phrase/song “it’s everyday bro” and for royally pissing off his Beverly Grove neighbors. And when discussin’ someone’s house, kiddies, Yolanda likes to “get to know them” by conducting a thorough examination of their career, their portfolio of work, etc. For research purposes only, of course. But sorry, y’all. Yolanda tried to watch one of Mr. Paul’s videos and we couldn’t get through 30 seconds before we were crying for mommy.

Anyway, young Mr. Jake Paul recently also (like his big bro) moved to the big bad San Fernando Valley, albeit much further out in the boonies. The wilds of Calabasas, to be specific.

The house in question was purchased by a mysterious blind trust, but Yolanda just happens to know that Mr. Paul is the new owner. Not that it’s any big secret — Mr. Paul has already conducted several online tours of the new pad, which was originally built in 1990 (per property records) and has one foreclosure and at least five previous owners in its 27-year history, all of them non-celebrities.

Though somewhat remote (even for Calabasas), the property is located in a luxurious (if oft-overlooked) gated community just off Mulholland Highway and not far from Old Topanga Canyon Road. Unfortunately for Mr. Paul — or maybe this is a good thing — the house is set down a long driveway at the very back of the gated enclave and backs directly up to a mobile home community. Yes, kiddies. This $7 million house borders a trailer park (albeit a pricey trailer park, as trailer parks go). Somewhat appropriate, no?

As for architectural style, it’s indeterminate. Some folks might call it a “Persian Palace” though Yolanda sees a clumsy take on Neoclassical with truly ungainly proportions. Check out those two windowed lumps above the garages — the phrase “warts and all” springs to mind.

But there’s an ass for every saddle and it seems rather fitting that Mr. Paul’s ass found this particular saddle just right. And though the style does not interest Yolanda, the property has plenty of land and contains a massive, fancy mansion. When it comes down to it, that’s probably what Mr. Paul wanted. So ignore Yolanda’s snark.

The ornate front door opens to an enormous three-story entrance foyer that is clearly meant to wow guests. Newly-renovated interiors were done up in a clean-lined contemporary theme that we suppose is nice enough, but it still leaves Yolanda feeling blue and uninspired. Maybe it’s because the rooms are so gosh-darn enormous that they feel empty no matter what the decor situation is. The beast of a mansion spans more than 15,000-square-feet of living space with 8 bedrooms and 10 bathrooms.

A baronial kitchen is ready to party with four ovens and a supersized center island with all high-end Miele appliances. The adjacent family room features a coffered ceiling, and the dining room includes two chandeliers and an eye-catching array of wine bottle holsters on the wall. Yolanda can only assume those will be filled with Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider, as Mr. Paul is not yet old enough to legally imbibe alcoholic beverages. Right, Mr. Paul?

Naturally, there are more hokey columns indoors.

The master bedroom has hardwood floors, a fireplace, and a private balcony overlooking the grassy backyard. The master bath has a party-sized glass shower with its own Bluetooth music system and steam feature — perfect for a rowdy bachelor. Other creature comforts include wood-paneled library with real bookshelves, a home theater, a lagoon-style pool “with multiple waterfalls”, a Tesla charging station, and a full security system with surveillance cameras.

The listing notes that the 3.5-acre property includes a second graded pad that is currently undeveloped but can accommodate “championship tennis court, equestrian pursuits or soccer field”. Meanwhile, there’s already two built-in BBQ centers and extensive patios out back.

Congrats to Mr. Paul on his very first house! And to his WeHo neighbors for the relative calm that shall be returned to them.