Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

I lived in China for a year and for awhile retained the ability to understand conversations going on around me in Mandarin.

I was at a restaurant with my wife when an employeee came back from a delivery and said in Chinese, "I kept on telling the Big Nose that I didn't speak English and he finally stopped yelling."

I laughed. The employees began to wonder if I spoke Chinese, a conversation I was enjoying translating to my wife. It finally came down to a bet. The problem was trying to figure out who would ask, especially since it was potentially a customer service problem given the gist of the conversation.

The Hispanic busboy was recruited and offered 10% of the bet to ask me.

As he approached, I told him in English "10% is too little. You should get 20%."

We were traveling in the Highlands (Scaaawtland, innit?) and had no trouble understanding the Scots when they spoke to us. When they spoke to each other, incomprehensible. Probably a code they use to keep the Sassenach in the dark.

Omni, many of the Base Exchange and Commissary employees when I was at GTMO were Jamaican. When they spoke to me, I could understand them just fine, but when they spoke to each other, although it was obvious that they were still speaking English (I could catch a word here and there,) they might as well have been speaking Chinese.