The title of Dr. Michelle Golland’s blog “Religion Actually Makes You Happier?!” caught my attention. With all of the rules and rituals that go with big box religion, I was prepared to give it a big Whitney Houston style “h*ll to the naw!” However, knowing that our mental well being impacts our physical well being, I pose this question to you. Does religion make you happier?

With my own religious background in Fundamentalism and Catholicism, I’ve had enough guilt and shame to last me a lifetime. The rules of the Evangelical church I belonged to were many:

No wearing of men’s clothing, meaning that women and girls could not wear pants

No listening to secular music

No playing of card games (gambling)

No playing games that involved dice (gambling, yes that meant no Monopoly for me)

No dancing (I’m a natural born dancer, this one killed me)

We lived by the maxim, ‘the Bible said it, I believe it, and that settles it’. Not a lot of wiggle room there and for a woman that dislikes boxes, this one was small and tight.

And I have to admit, those were some of the happiest times of my life.

Dr. Golland explains that, “Per the study, it’s not the doctrine of the religion that’s important; rather, the key to greater happiness is the social networks that these organizations provide for the individual and his or her family… As human beings, we crave meaning and connection. We desire to be understood by those around us and to feel close to others in our life.”

Indeed. My friends and I had uncontrollable fits of giggles in the choir stand. We went roller skating (in our skirts) and had lots of fun mimicking the pastor. The friendships I made lasted for years, even after I left that particular brand of religion. While there I felt a part of something larger, and connected to others in the shared experience of ritual and rules.

As the New Year opens wide before us, let’s think about what makes us happy. Let’s think about connecting to people again, face to face, breaking bread, over music, or a puzzle or a game. And if it is religion that makes you happy then by all means, connect and be happy.

I’m going to be very, very, very happy, and then do everything I have time to do after that.”

— Chekov

I love that quote. How often do we think of being “happy” before we do everything else?

Here’s a conversation I had with another soccer mom:

Me: If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do for a living? I like to bring professionals in to talk to my students about the “real world.”

Her: I manage major accounts for (insert name of large multi-national company here), I’d be happy to talk to your students.

She paused, and then continued.

Her: You know what I’d tell your students? I’d tell them, you have a long time to work, and you spend a lot of time doing it. Do what makes you happy.

She paused as if to imply she didn’t exactly love her job.

Let me be frank, I don’t make a lot of money but I really enjoy the work I do.

But what does it mean to be “happy, happy, happy?”

For me, it means that the dishes can wait. The cat box doesn’t have to be cleaned right this second. It means the kid goes to bed early and I get to crochet a scarf in peace. It means feeding my soul, so when someone needs a soothing hand, a patient ear, I can be there.