I have fixed it all for years and years, but now I refuse. I will just go with it, broken or not.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

My Friday

I am somewhat more with-it this morning, I did sleep a few hours last night, and that's always an improvement. It was an extremely rough day yesterday, I ended up going back to my old town, to see if I could help with Steph or her family. She has a younger sister - a beautiful girl that has had way too much life for her very young age...her name is Tiffany. Tiffany had twins girls almost four months ago, and you never saw any babies more loved by their Aunt Stephanie. On Thursday, one of the babies died. Most likely SIDS, although the hospital is doing some testing to know for sure. It was a heartbreaking scene there yesterday, and I know that getting through the funeral and the details will be harder yet. Steph is understandably falling apart and I began to have real concerns for her. Her mother and family were all there, other than her father who is in the hospital here in Des Moines, dying. They all have so much grief and heartache to try and handle, so I just went there and sat, and tried to help in any way I could. I had dinner brought in...but doing things like that at a time like this feels so small and stupid, although of course, there is NOTHING else that can be done. I felt very strongly that Steph needed a break from all of it, and she agreed. She is sort of like me, feels responsible for all of them, takes on all their problems, is always the one that is wanted when things go wrong. So, I brought her home with me last night, gave her a couple of advilpm's and told her that if she doesn't take care of herself, she will be of no use to anyone else. She has slept well all night, I have been up several times to see if she needed me, but it has been quiet in her room. Jordy looked like the walking dead yesterday, I seriously suggested that he get away for the evening, too. He went on with his 4th of July plans, and I think that helped him tremendously, as well. At a time like this, a person can get sucked into the vacuum of despair, and frankly-both of these (my) kids have already been going through it with her dad. I know that today, all the problems will still be there waiting for them but hopefully, at least they will have had enough rest and food and care to take it all on with a bit of a new perspective. I remember what it was like when I had to deal with my first death in the family when I was very young - it is all so surreal and so unfair. It was not, however the death of a baby, and that takes on a whole different meaning. I have to give the both of them credit, they have been through so much these past days and managed to be strong for each other and the rest of the family. It wasn't until I let them lean on me that they fell apart. The thought of what lies ahead for all of the family makes me sad, as there is nothing more gut wrenching than the planning and the funeral for a child.

So today, I am back to the Ice Cream Store and I cannot leave. (Believe me, I would rather have been there yesterday, too.) The weather is supposed to be perfect, so maybe it will be a busy day. The day was cut short yesterday by an ice cream machine that has had constant problems this summer, and yet another compressor will have to be put in this morning.

I watched the most beautiful and LOUD fireworks from my balcony last night. They were RIGHT THERE. RIGHT THERE. And over there, and there, too. I'm serious, we could see at least four different city celebrations from my balcony, but one of them was within a block of us..so close in fact, I began to wonder what would happen to us if one of them went astray...but it was beautiful and special. I wanted to take pictures to show you all - but I could not make my butt get up and get the camera, I was so exhausted. So picture it in your minds...

Oh. I am so very sorry. It just doesn't sound like enough to say. This poor girl has realized the secret fear of every single mother. My heart goes out to her. Sending prayers of strength your way. Love, Charlotte

Jamie, my tears are for the family. No one can imagine the horror of the loss of a baby to SIDS until they've experienced it. It happened to me in 1974 - the pain has dulled but there's not one day that I don't remember. My prayers and thoughts are with those who have experienced the loss.

Oh, no. I am so sorry for Tiffany, and for what Stephanie's, and your, family is going through. I can't imagine the sorrow of watching your father die, and then having your child die as well. My prayers to all of you. It seems to me that you and yours have had your fair share of heartache this year and then some.

About Me

I'm middle aged, if I live to be a hundred. I refuse to give in to OLD. I have been told that I have a too-positive, Pollyanna outlook on everything, but whatever. I try to see the good in all things. Some days, that's a pretty tall order.