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Jan 31, 2012

Oh the Sensitive Child: A real mommy moment

I know that I have it easy compared to the mothers out there that have to take care of children with birth defects, long term illnesses and mental disabilities. I don't envy them in the slightest but have such a sense of awe towards them for what they do on a daily basis. I do however have my own set of challenges (as we each do) and though it probably seems insignificant to many it is very exhausting and frustrating to me. It is my little sensitive souls that I am raising. And I am not talking about sensitive as in emotions. I am talking about having a child that no longer wants to wear pants that have seams in them because they itch (if someone has a solution to that problem please let me know), who won't even step foot into something if she sees that it has a tag, that has to have on an undershirt under every top that has a button, seam, decoration or ruffle and who sometimes won't even try it on even if there is an undershirt because it looks like there is a button, seam, decoration or ruffle. The child that doesn't want you to touch her with wet hands or hands that have lotion or smell like they might have had lotion, who won't always give you a kiss because you "smell", who does not want to wash her hands and if you can convince her too she refuses to use soap (try explaining that to teachers), the child that doesn't like cheese but likes grated up cheese, but doesn't like the rice kind of grated up cheese (which has somehow turned into every kind of grated up cheese though she still insists you buy the right kind only you have no idea what the right kind is cause you don't have a clue what "rice" kind of grated up cheese is). She has a meltdown if she gets a drop of water on her because she doesn't like to be wet. She won't even spit in the sink if there is a spot of water on the side by her. She doesn't like it when my hair is wet and might touch her and she doesn't like it when it is dry and smells like something. She is the child that prior to my own child raising years I would have labeled as a big brat. Now I am dumbfounded as to how this even happened and what I am to do about it. Plus she is influencing her little sister and now I have two little "tag Nazis" who have to have the tags cut off of everything. I hate getting dressed time because I don't know what to pick and I hate getting something half way on only to have a meltdown and a complete switch to something new. I used to feel some sort of doom that my child would be the one wearing sweat pants until she was 10 but now I am just grateful there is a type of pants that she does want to put on. Is it giving in every time? I have found it near to impossible to do anything else. I don't find it necessary to have a battle for her to wash her hands with soap. Antibacterial wipes seem to be a good substitution thus far. If I do say "you are putting this on no matter what" she sometimes will, only to fall down and scream because it is itching her. That is not helpful when you are trying to get out the door. Like I said I know it is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things but it is so frustrating and sometimes a bit hurtful raising one of these sensitive little souls. How do I manage? At some point she is going to have to do things even if she doesn't like them just because that is how it is. Should I be pushing it more right now? Am I raising a big brat? If so I never in a million years meant to do it.

13 comments:

I have followed your blog for awhile and have loved your crafts and family life. I know how hard it is to raise picky children, I have 5. Do the best you can. Let your daughter pick out her outfits for less stress on you. She might go out not matching but it is her choice in what to wear. Let her have just a little control and it might be better for you because if she melts down it was her choice to wear that outfit. My 16 year old still sometimes doesn't match or in something I would have never or will never wear but it is her choice. Sometimes I just pick my battles and clothes, food and hair are a few things I don't want to fight with my children with. My children are so picky about food I just do my best where I can, one of my other daughters picks everything off pizza and just eats bread and sauce. Someone else eats the cheese. Good luck and I hope this helped a little.

Bless you with 5 picky kids. I guess there is just this stigma in the back of my mind being a mom who is raising picky kids (like that is a fault of mine or something) but I guess the truth is these kids have their own spirit and personality and they are what they are inspite of and despite what we do as parents. I love the advice about picking battles and letting her choose her clothes. I need to just do it and forget about her being the child in the perfect outfit.

i feel your pain! i have a very picky, dare i say "bratty" daughter. i got alot of help from a book, "raising your spirited child". maybe reading that could help you understand what is going on and give you some things to try? my daughter has gotten much better over the years so hang in there!!!

It could be just pickiness. I do have a friend who's child has some sensory issues; on the autism spectrum but not 'real' autism. I realize I could be going WAY out there, since I don't know the whole situation. But just a thought.

Otherwise, I tend to pick my battles when I can and put my foot down when I must. Good luck!!

Because her sensitivities ares so widespread, I would say that they are a genuine sensitivity and not any kind of parenting issue. I forget what this is called, but we did learn about it in our teaching classes. It has to do with the nervous system. I just haven't had a student who is hypersensitive (maybe that is the name?) (I teach 4th grade now- most kids have resolved these issues by then.) I just googled it and found this link. A quick read and I think this could be a real source of information and support. There are a whole range of activities to help kids who genuinely struggle with textures and sensitive skin to try new things. Anyway, I just want you to know that it is not you or anything you did or didn't do. Your daughter isn't a brat either. Here is the link I mention:

Someone already mentioned sensory issues, but I want to clarify that Sensory Integration Disorder IS NOT on the autism spectrum. Kids with autism must have SID as part of the diagnosis but people get really nervous when talking about autism and I want to reassure you that SID in no way means autism. If it's on the spectrum it's waaaayy down the line. Not even worth mentioning. Everyone has some sort of sensory problems. For me it's the sound of chalk on the sidewalk. A good friend of mine cannot bear to have a wrinkle in her socks. My daughter can't stand the texture of mashed potatoes. BUT, in circumstances like yours it would definitely benefit you to find an Occupational Therapist that specializes in sensory. Many do not. They're not worth the time, especially in your case where there's no other problems. Not only can a good OT help your daughter learn to settle her sensory system and hopefully overcome some of her sensitivities, but also give you great resources for finding clothes and tools to make it easier on her.Good luck!

Please don't feel that way! We're struggling with the same thing right now with our 2yr old daughter. Kids like them are just highly sensitive and emotionally intense. I was that way as a kid myself. But, it's the most exhausting and emotionally depleting way to go about life as the parent of one of these special kids. I'm currently reading a book called "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" that I think is going to help us immensely and we're going to see a child psychologist soon as well.Hang in there soldier, and push on. It's all we can do, but by gosh, I'm sure you're doing a darn good job of it!

You got good advice for the older child. But I thought I would give you advice for the younger one that sounds like she is starting to copycat her sister. I'm not sure how old your kids are but if you can sit down and talk to the younger one about how everyone likes different things and give examples. Like Dad like to eat (fill in the blank) and Mom doesn't. Also have Dad take the older girl and you have the younger one and try to get her to do things that she has started to copycat. Like touching lotion, using soap, ect. For clothes issues try dressing the girls in two different areas of your house. So younger doesn't see older one flipping out over clothesJust to let you know, I'm a mom of 2 autistic boy and a normal girl squished in between the two. Having the younger child copy the older one is very normal. I was told by a therapist to expect my daughter to stop the coping by the time she was in 1 grade (age 6). because she would look around and see that no one else was doing it.good luck and pick your battles.

I have a kid that always had issues with tags and seams. Tags I understood, seams was a bit overboard ~ glad I'm not the only one :) I suppose it's giving in a bit, but I have tried to buy "comforable" clothes and find that the times when those are not the most appropriate (like for school pictures) I give them some warning that on whatever day mommy is picking your clothes for this event, but you can change after. I think them knowing they have control and it's a short period has helped. Our circle of friends knows about the issues we face and will make sure to subtly compliment said kid when they are dressed up. Said kid also seems to be growing out of it. Not sure if the compliments work or they feel more control or peer pressure, whatever - there is an end in sight.

With food I will tell them that I'm trying a new recipe and they don't have to like it, just try it and we all discuss as a family if we like it and should make it again. Almost all new recipes seem to be a hit (even when I thought they wouldn't be), maybe it's all in the presentation?

poor sweet baby, cant stand those seams and tags. i know how it feels to have an itch or something annoying me. and if i had no choice about it i think i might have a lil temper tantrum. my neighbors daughter is 2 and she is precious. she cannot stand the seam in a sock. wowsers.... i saw this one day when it was super cold out and she really needed to have her feet be warmer than they would have been w/out socks. it sounds like you're doing an amazing job trying to research it and find answers. i'll say a prayer.... <3