I’m my family’s matriarch-in-waiting

Prince Charles and I have a lot in common. We’re both waiting to take the reigns of our family dynasties. Oh sure, my responsibilities are smaller scale, but I don’t have a palace full of help either.

This is a just an example of my to-do list:

Laying the Queen Grandma to rest

There won’t be any foreign dignitaries and it won’t be televised, but I will be in charge of Grandma’s funeral. Her friends should have an opportunity to pay their last respects, but she’s already outlived most of them. If nothing else I’ll make green bean casserole (Grandma’s favorite dish) and we’ll play Stairway to Heaven full blast for as long as it takes to drink several bottles of Sauvignon Blanc.

Perfecting my wave

Kansas folks are friendly! Although we’re more likely to nod than wave to people we pass on the road. That’s probably because none of those old country trucks had power steering back in the day. Well we have modern cars now so it’s time we updated that.

Proclaiming official gathering places

Wherever the royal family vacations, a flag is raised at the castle. I assume the matriarch makes the call on where this will be. We will keep our festivities on the down low to avoid the paparazzi, but I will insist on the MU flag coming down whenever we meet at my oldest daughter’s house. Only the KU Jayhawk may announce our presence.

Preserving my family’s collective knowledge

There are entire museum wings devoted to Charles’ lineage, blood lines, etc. My Mom only filled in a few names in the illustrated family tree in my baby book. If I don’t do a good job, my grandchildren will never know about their great-great cross-dressing Grandpa and other colorful characters in our family’s history. I guess this blog is a good start. Thank god I’m writing it when I’m young enough future generations won’t doubt my sanity.

Ensuring my legacy

This is a tough one — how do I want future generations to remember me? I’m average height so Samantha Longshanks is out … For the time being I’m mentally stable so Mad Sam won’t work either. I still have some time to work on this one. If I depart unexpectedly I guess there are worse things to be remembered for than a plethora of cats and the awesomest music collection any woman ever amassed. Rock Goddess Samantha. I kinda like the sound of that.