Connection
between borderline personality
and manipulation. On the face of it, a lot of non-BPs often feel
manipulated by the borderline people. Even the BPD people could have this
feeling that he or she is manipulative. Things are more complex and if
I had to answer by "yes" or "no" to this question, the answer would be
"no" even if... You
will find on the last part of this document our vision
which we hope comprehensive and listening to the suffering

* Mitton J, Huxley G. - Department
of Psychiatry, McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario.1998 Can J Psychiatry. -
Responses and behaviour of patients with borderline personality disorder"The researchers investigated
the behaviour of the Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) patient... to
test the hypothesis that these patients are frequently more hostile, aggressive,
demanding and manipulative in an interview situation, as has been reported
in the literature. These patients were compared to a similar group which
had been identified as having BPD traits. The findings suggest that the
BPD patients respond with more helplessness and anxiety, that they are
more reliable, and that they do not differ significantly in displays of
negative behavior during the interview"

Manipulation
and BPD, what they say

"Manipulation
or Desperation ?It's no secret that non-BPs
often feel manipulated and lied to by their borderline loved ones. In other
words, they feel controlled or taken advantage of through means such as
threats, no-win situations, the "silent treatment," rages, and other methods
they view as unfair.We believe that, in most
cases, the BP's behavior is not intentionally manipulative. Rather, this
kind of behavior can be seen as desperate attempts to cope with painful
feelings or to get their needs met-without the aim of harming others" (Bpdcentral,
“Are people with BPD manipulative?”, www.bpdcentral.com 2001)

"Although patients with BPD
often use suicide threats in a manipulative manner, the primary care clinician
must never ignore these threats or suicide attempts" (Elizabeth A Finley-Belgrad,
MD,”Personality Disorder: Borderline”, Emedecine 2OO2)

"The Borderline's predicament
results in both her enormous need for relationships and her great fear
of intimacy. The tension between this fear and need can cause rage, guilt
expressed in self-punishment...and anxiety that is relieved by acting out.
The angry, impulsive, manipulative behavior of borderlines is their pathological
attempt to elicit involvement and caring...Herein is a very central
dilemma for most borderlines. How does one learn to stop seeking this soothing,
this nurture (often absent in childhood) from others through manipulative
and pathological means? " (Janice M. Cauwels ,”Imbroglio: Rising to
the Challenges of Borderline Personality Disorder”, Norton & Company
1992)

"Persons with BPD may often
be thought of as manipulative or as attention-seeking. They can sometimes
"act as if" they are okay. People with BPD need validation and acknowledgement
of the pain they struggle to live with as well as compassion without blame
or judgements." (Valery Porr,”Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder”,
TARA APD)

"Dysphoria (a profoundly
painful emotional state) is triggered by mood swings, stress, and emotional
pain. The pain is so severe that borderlines will do almost anything to
make the pain go away - the dominant cause of self-destructive behaviors,
manipulation, drug and alcohol abuse, suicide and self-mutilation"
(Leland
M. Heller,”Life at the border”, Dyslimbia Pr Inc; 3rd edition)

"Antisocial
Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder are both characterized
by manipulative behavior, individuals with Antisocial Personality
Disorder are manipulative to gain profit, power, or some other material
gratification, whereas the goal in Borderline Personality Disorder is directed
more toward gaining the concern of caretakers"
(American
Psychiatric Association)

Aapel
view of Manipulation and Borderline Personality Disorder

Here is our feeling.

Are
BPD people manipulative ?If
the question was: "Do Bpd people give the
feeling they are manipulative ?" my answer
woud be "yes".At
the question "are bpd people manipulative?"
my answer is "no"

In
Dictionary "Manipulate" : "To influence or use someone shrewdly or deviously
at not avowed aims and by misleading it"That's
mean that to "manipulate", we need to:-
Be conscious-
Act with premediation-
Act in a narcissistic way-
Have choice

Are
they conscious of manipulation ?Very
ofen, no, they don't have in mind some hidden aims... And when they are
aware of some kind of manipulation, they don't see any alternative and
also sometimes don't know that they have no alternative

Are
they acting with premeditation ?I
would say "no". In my opinion it is totally impulsive "I have to do this
now, because it is the only solution / way to solve the problem"

Are
they acting in a narcissistic way ?Even
if in the other hand, we could see them selfish, because we think they
deny others, I never met a bpd people loving him or herself. Do you know
narcissistic
people who kill themselves ?

Do
they have choice to act in a different way ?I
don't think so. Most of their time, they can't deal with the situation,
deal with contradictory emotions, they feel cornered and act in the only
"available way" (of course in their mind)

Are
they "Bad" people ?We have the right to think
that, but could we say a person is "bad" when he or she act in the only
available way ?To illustrate in an totally
different case, "Am I bad if I never run in the garden with my son who'd
like that?" yes ? ... "Oh, sorry, I forgot to say you I was hemiplegic
!"

How
a "non" could deal with that ?We
are here in the real headacheIf
we act, we can launch splitting(all
good / all bad) and if we don't act, we don't help the loved one who
needs informations and limits.So
"the solution" does not exist. The best way is trying to explain
that we know why "our" bpd people act like this, explain to him / her that
it is not because he or she is "bad" and then explain that it is hurting
us... but in end, hope is possible

...
and to conclude, it is not because we know why the loved one act like this
that we are no more hurted. The hardest situation is to deal with our feeling
of helplessness in the face of bpd behaviors

Warning:All the informations
on this site are with an aim of helping to understand a "particular" disease
at the very least and puzzleBut more especially
to support peoples who suffer, sick or not. In all cases, it is ESSENTIAL
to have recourse to a therapist specialized
in the disease to confirm or to cancel a diagnosisThough it is
the name doesn't much matter, which is important, it is to apply "the right"
treatment to each patient

last update august 2007Copyright
AAPELTM
federation - All rights reservedAuthor,
Alain Tortosa, psychotherapist, founder president of the AapelNon
profit organization