Dear Abby Accused of Blaming Teen Rape Victim

(Newser)
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"Dear Abby" is taking some heat for her recent answer to a letter writer, which some saw as blaming the teen girl for her own rape. The letter writer, a high-school junior who was a virgin before the incident she wrote in about, says a classmate invited her over to study and they ended up making out. That led to sex. "It wasn't fun or pleasurable," the girl writes. "I told him he was hurting me, but he didn't stop until the third time I said it. He was very upset with me." Abby (real name Jeanne Phillips) tells the letter writer she was sexually assaulted because of a "breakdown in communication." She says the boy made his intentions clear about wanting to have sex, and he "may have interpreted your willingness to kiss him after he took you somewhere other than what was agreed upon as a signal that you were willing, even though you didn't say so."

A blogger at Jezebel says this response appears to blame the victim for her own sexual assault, something Raw Story notes women's rights activists have been trying to get people to stop doing for years. A "breakdown in communication" did not cause this assault, the boy "ignoring a person's humanity and agency" did, writes Heidi Stevens in the Chicago Tribune, arguing that the sex should have been over as soon as the letter writer told the boy he was hurting her. She calls Abby's response "lousy advice" that "sets up a disastrous dynamic about an act that should always, every single time, be utterly and completely mutual." Abby does go on to define date rape in her response to the girl, but she never says whether she thinks that's what did or didn't happen to the letter writer. (Read more Dear Abby stories.)

This is a case of to little information given to make an evaluation about the question of did she or didn’t she want to have sex. There is a point of no return for some men and boys. How much did he do before she called him to stop because it was hurting her? What did they do after? Just not enough information to place blame.

Williemojorisin

Oct 19, 2018 8:58 AM CDT

I don't see that as blaming the victim.

DrGerryG13

Apr 17, 2016 2:07 PM CDT

Although I don't agree with Abby's response, there is something that's missing here...and it's not so clear-cut. You're not going to ask me to believe that a 16-17 year old girl who starts making out with a guy (and no, i don't know who initiated it) and then says it hurts, expects him or even herself to stop. That's ridiculous. She knew what she was getting into or expected...and I don't hear that he threatened or forced her. Gimme a break. Sexual experimentation is universal. Often it's either the girl or the boy who's being initiated by the other. I think it's rare (not impossible) to get into such a situation that's not consensual. Understand here that I'm talking about NON-VIOLENCE. Plus, how do you know that her claiming he was hurting her wasn't a signal for him to continue? These are just kids, and just experimenting. Perhaps, just perhaps, this is a moment when the gals out there need to reconsider their own "me thinks she doth protest too" little? Many, if not most both males and females, have been in a show me or teach me, or let me show you or teach you situation. Don't make more out of it than the girl may or may not have actually enjoyed it; she certainly seems to have learned something and doesn't want to blame her poor self....