Dale Peterson is trying to get the Republican nomination for Agriculture Commissioner of Alabama, and he REALLY wants it. In what may be the greatest political TV ad I’ve ever seen, Peterson conjures the spirit of John Wayne to rail against the criminals and illegal aliens who are stealing Alabama’s farms. I’m not sure if I got those facts right; I got kinda swept up in the moment. As The Smoking Section says:

According to this amazing display of Americanism, Dale Peterson has been a farmer, a businessman, a cop, a Marine during Vietnam, and, as I imagine, a patient at St. Mary’s Hospital for the Clinically Intense.

Seriously, Dale Peterson farts thunder and craps lightning. But that’s bound to happen when this is your breakfast:

Meanwhile, the Republican gubernatorial primary in Alabama has focused on whether or not one of the candidates is one of them fags who believe in evolution. No, seriously.

What are the main issues in the GOP contest for attorney general? I bet one of them is accusing the other of being against marrying your own cousin. Or maybe he committed the ultimate sin of book learnin’.