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Looking for overpriced Mexican food? Weak margaritas? Bro-ish atmosphere? A stuffed buffalo that occasionally breathes smoke??? Are you in the Hynes Convention Center area or willing to commute to get there? If so, than Nacho Patrol has the place for you!

Located (as is the pattern these days) on scenic Boylston St. just off Mass. Ave., The Cactus Club isn’t the only restaurant in the area that provides diners with the sensual taste experience of greasy Tex-Mex. Maybe we were just there on an off-day. After all, they are said to have the best margaritas in Boston. But when your “traditional margarita” with Cuervo sets you back $10.50 and your enchilada $10, you are more inclined to notice the poor quality of the food. On that upbeat note, let’s wax nacho:

Appearance: (9) For all the crap they do wrong, Cactus Club certainly has presentation down to a science. Despite a little char, these nachos were absolutely beautiful, as fresh and bright as a sunny day.

Quality of Ingredients: ( 7 ) how refreshing to get some black beans! It went a long way it battening down the chili powder hatches, which seemed to have blown open in some sort of Incident. It was literally a chili powder keg, reminiscent of some childhood mess your mother made in the crock pot. However, we did enjoy the pico (a little chili-ey itself) and the lemony guac.

Distribution of Toppings: (7) We suspect Cactus Club may have, at some point, hijacked Cabot Farms to fund the massive volume of cheese used on these nachos. The farmers weep and the cows’ udders are utterly tapped. At that same point, somewhere on the coast, three Nacho Patrollers simultaneously witness the glory of oh-so-much gooey cheese while attempting to chisel the clots out of their hearts. Luckily the excitement brought us back to life–it only took as a little digging to discover that the cheese was simply a ruse to disguise the plate of naked chips below. Sure, there was a lot, but in not layering it, the “cheese helmet” cooled and congealed quickly, making for an unpleasant and difficult nacho experience. Also, this could be nit-picky, but the wax paper underneath the nachos often proved to be problematic.

Price: (5) $12 for this particular plate, which we officially award the “Biggest Rip-Off Award” in Nachos. They do offer an $8 option, sans meat and guac. $8 for chips and cheese. A travesty!

Overall: (29/40)

Boylston, Boylston, Boylston…What shall these Nacho-Lovers do with you? After our overrated margaritas and wallet-cleaning nachos, we considered being sad. But then we remembered that Pour House is right next door…and there was much rejoicing.