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Former Pink Floyd star Roger Waters has defended his decision to beam a Star of David symbol onto a flying inflatable pig at a recent concert, insisting there is no Anti-Semitic intent behind his art. The rocker, who called for a boycott of Israel earlier this year (13), came under fire from Jewish groups and the dean of the Simon Wiesenthal Center when a fan posted footage of the moment Waters flashed the Israeli symbol on his porcine stage prop during a The Wall Live Tour concert in Belgium online.
Simon Wiesenthal Center officials Rabbi Abraham Cooper responded by stating Waters is "an open hater of Jews" and urged other artists to "denounce his anti-Semitism and bigotry."
Now, Waters has taken to his Facebook.com page to fight back, and in an open letter he writes, "I also use the Crucifix, the Crescent and Star, the Hammer and Sickle, the Shell Oil Logo and The McDonald's Sign, a Dollar Sign and a Mercedes sign (in the show)..." and points out his circle of friends include Nazi hunter Wiesenthal's nephew and his daughter-in-law.
He also takes aim at Israeli policies in his online rant, stating, "In a functioning theocracy it is almost inevitable that the symbol of the religion becomes confused with the symbol of the state, in this case the State of Israel, a state that operates Apartheid both within its own borders and also in the territories it has occupied and colonized (sic) since 1967."
He adds, "The Star of David represents Israel and its policies and is legitimately subject to any and all forms of non violent protest. To peacefully protest against Israel’s racist domestic and foreign policies is NOT ANTI-SEMITIC."

So much of culture revolves around visual perfection — especially in art, most explicitly in paintings. There are layers to a painter's work that often cannot be seen on the immediate surface of the canvas, merely left to the viewer's personal interpretation. Others are written in the layers upon layers of acrylic, gouache, or casein, ultimately bonded in pursuit of the finished product. It's a puzzle, in a way.
In Danny Boyle's new film Trance, Rosario Dawson goes full frontal — complete with her very there, very bare lady bits on full-frontal display for all to see. And while kneejerkists the Internet over may cry foul and/or objectification, it seems far more likely that her character Elizabeth Lamb's date with the razor was the movie's biggest puzzle piece. An artful moment that ultimately was the dime on which the whole film turned.
Trance is a study on the human mind: love, crime, relationships, obsession, greed. And on the surface and in its narrative structure, the film is also a study of the word “trance” in its various iterations. But what starts out as a straightforward crime thriller, quickly deviates into a multi-layered discussion on what makes people so darn complicated. "No piece of art is worth a human life," our initial protagonist Simon (James McAvoy) muses in the film. At first, it seems a comment on his exteriorly heroic actions to save the £27 million Francisco Goya painting "Witches in the Air." But by the end, you realize Simon is talking about so much more. Mainly, his obsession with hypnotherapist Elizabeth Lamb.
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Simon's obsession with ex-girlfriend Elizabeth comes from his own need to possess her, thanks to his desire to be surrounded by beautiful things... and also probably a myriad of mental health issues I'm not about to have any sort of doctoral knowledge about. In the film, Elizabeth's role is unrolled slowly from the middle out. It is paced and tempered (much like her trance-inducing tone). She's wading in dark waters she's not sure she can control — regardless of her past knowledge of their own strength. And, to her credit, she swims in those waters very well — even if it does involve a few little deaths here and there. And yes, that was a double entendre you very smart person, you.
Visually, things culminate in Elizabeth's ultimate tightrope walking trick: she shaves away all the hair. Yes, down there. We entered this story — of Simon, of Elizabeth, of Franck (Vincent Cassel), of the art heist — in the middle, so it's no surprise that the unveiling of her handiwork is not at the beginning or end, but in the middle. You hear the sound of the razor, but you're still unsure, as is Simon. And when the door opens, we see not the final product, but rather Dawson's mid-section, before the camera slowly pans down, revealing what's going on below. And finally, a wide shot revealing her entire body. The moment reflects the nature of the entire film.
Simon (who we can all pretty well establish is one dude with messed up s**t going on upstairs) is obsessive. He worshipped art and beauty, and he related to Goya in many ways because of Goya's often-seen-as-complicated relationship with women on the canvas.
The mere act of rendering an object, setting, time, or place in a concrete, tangible form such as art (especially painting) romanticizes it. And Simon, well he's a romantic — just one that happens to be really, really emotionally (and don't forget physically!) volatile and obsessive over the things he loves. He's put the p***y on a pedestal. That goes doubly for Elizabeth's. By shaving her vagina, she's continued to tow the increasingly invisible line between controlling Simon (and in turn, the whole situation), and setting him over the edge. The move ultimately has the desired affect — both in the moment, and in the end. Ladies: using the male objectification to their advantage since the dawn of time. Now with deadly consequences!
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But isn't that the nature of the beast? Elizabeth's actions are constantly tempered in their own duality — at once seeming to hold some greater meaning or higher place, but at the same time prove to be deadly, dangerous, and downright devious — to say nothing of the super-duper unethical bit in relation to her field. And so, too, was the act of shaving herself for Simon: in a way, it was a symbol of the love she had for him. In another, it was the ultimate power play: put your cards all out on the table, reveal your vulnerability to expose the weakness of others, and strike.
The idea of a woman using sex and her body to manipulate situations is nothing new. But so often it’s a tactic that — especially when used in storytelling —says more about the woman than the man. Whenever such methods are employed, it’s mostly to say, “oh look at this evil woman, using the oldest trick in the book! Taking the easy way out! So much for the high road.” Trance turns the idea on its head. Elizabeth is using her own body in a way that she knows has the potential for danger, but she keeps pushing on; moving forward into the gauzy unknown of Simon’s subconscious in order to finally put him behind her once and for all. It’s a move that bucks the stereotype about women that use their bodies — because by revealing herself to him in such a triggering and intimate way, she was taking anything but the easy road. It’s a take on female sexuality that is both dynamic and wonderfully-subversive as a plot tool than most instances of full-frontal nudity that we’ve seen on film.
Elizabeth is a complicated woman: her morals in the situation are no doubt a whole slew of shades of grey, but her act of follicle modification was a power play nonetheless. A femme fatale for the thinking art gal.
Follow @Alicialutes on Twitter
[Photo Credit: FOX Searchlight]
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Let’s get right to the moment everyone was talking about from last night’s two-hour installment of History’s The Bible. The actor who played Satan, Mohamen Mehdi Ouazanni, looked very familiar. A Sith Lord, right, because of the hood? Nope. Think a little more earthbound. As in someone who resides in Washington D.C., and who the right-wing base that's the core audience for The Bible often despise. See what you think…
Yes, the Twitterverse exploded after Jesus encountered Satan in the wilderness and was tempted with the prospect of universal health care, bank and credit card reforms, and the drawdown of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Wait, no, that didn’t happen. But Satan did look a lot like President Obama. Shortly after the episode aired Glenn Beck even tweeted the following, so it must be true:
Anyone else think the Devil in #TheBible Sunday on HIstory Channel looks exactly like That Guy? twitter.com/glennbeck/stat…
— Glenn Beck (@glennbeck) March 17, 2013
History denies the allegations, calling them "nonsense." And to be fair, Ouazanni has appeared in multiple Biblical movies, including David, Jeremiah, and The Satanic Angels, so he may have been cast for his experience with this kind of material, not for looking like the POTUS. That said, executive producer Mark Burnett also produces Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice. Just sayin’…
Before we get any further, let me introduce myself. I am Christian Blauvelt, the ‘Christian’ of the headline. Now, I’m not actually religious. I consider myself agnostic, though my family does have a Presbyterian background. But despite the fact that my parents were never adamant churchgoers, I devoured all of the Bible stories as a kid. I've never viewed the Good Book as the “Word of God” so much as a historical document that reflects the attitudes and prejudices of its time, and, as the Satan/Obama similarity in History’s version may show, continues to reflect the attitudes and prejudices of the people who interpret it today.
The biggest thing I’ve taken away from History's The Bible so far is that it’s not based on the King James Version so much as the George R.R. Martin version. Game of Thrones casts a sizable shadow over this interpretation of scripture, except for when it comes to sex. I mean, no one ever bathes on The Bible. Everyone has scraggly hair and scragglier beards. Torture and slaughter are constant. But is there any “knowing” in the Biblical sense? Nada. A sexy dance from Salome didn’t even precipitate John the Baptist’s beheading!
Nebuchadnezzer, for one, could just as easily be fighting for the Iron Throne of Westeros as laying waste to Jerusalem. He’s the kind of king who wears a Tin Man funnel hat, emphatically devours mutton, and says things like, “It begins,” “There’s a price for betrayal,” and “You know what Jerusalem means? ‘City of Peace.’” As in, he’s gonna go so Old Testament on the Israelites’ collective asses that Jerusalem damn well won’t be a City of Peace when he’s through with it.
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At the court of Jerusalem’s king, Zedekiah, the prophet Jeremiah was experiencing a major failure to communicate. He was trying to convey that the city would fare better if they immediately surrendered to Nebuchadnezzer, rather than endure a prolonged siege from his Babylonian forces. But with his shock of wild, seemingly electrified hair, and his insistence upon strapping a wooden beam to his back to symbolize how Zedekiah should submit to the yoke of Babylon, Jeremiah was far too alienating to be taken seriously. This is why you’ve got to sweeten the message, man. So no one listened to Jeremiah, and Babylon began an 18 month siege of Jerusalem. At no time do the makers of The Bible ever make Jerusalem feel like a real, lived-in city. Even when we learn that some of its denizens turn to cannibalism, we only see like five or six people clawing at each other, rather than the Hieronymous Bosch-like hellscape of a people run amok that Cecil B. DeMille would surely have given us.
Oh yeah, so I talked about the gore. The Bible really went all Game of Thrones when it showed Nebuchadnezzer finally catching up with Zedekiah as he fled the city. In front of Zedekiah, he butchered the Israelite king's young sons, then declared, “A shame that is the last thing you will ever see.” He then proceeded to gouge out Zedekiah’s eyes the old-fashioned way — with his thumbs.
Thus began one of the darkest, but most influential, epochs in Jewish history: The Babylonian Captvity. Nebuchadnezzer’s armies drove the people of Jerusalem hundreds of miles in an epic trail of tears to Babylon, where, like they had been centuries earlier in Egypt, they would be slaves. The Israelites there would need a new kind of leader: one who lived by his faith more than by his sword. That man would be Daniel. Daniel followed in the tradition of Joseph as a man who could interpret dreams, and Nebuchadnezzer, like the Pharaoh of long before, was troubled with very bad dreams. He needed Daniel to tell him what they meant. Daniel said his vision of a golden head atop a wooden statue that shatters is symbolic of Babylon: the greatest of all empires, yet still doomed.
You could argue that Daniel is a sell-out, even a traitor for working so closely with Nebuchadnezzer. But this is what he needed to do to help his people survive. When his friends refused to bow before the Babylonian gods, Nebuchadnezzer threw them in a furnace. But the CGI flames didn’t sear their flesh! They lived, because their faith in God protected them, and they emerged from the inferno like the Mother of Dragons. Nebuchadnezzer shortly went mad, and ended up chained like a dog, while his empire crumbled around him.
Daniel’s dream proved correct. Babylon’s days were numbered, and soon Cyrus I (immortalized as Cyrus the Great), who had built Persia into a massive empire of its own, marched on the city and took it without firing an arrow. He didn’t immediately free the Jews, however. Partly because he really wanted to keep Daniel around so he also could have a dream interpreter. Cyrus’ other advisers were all threatened by this, so without the king knowing about it they threw Daniel into a lion’s den, which maybe isn’t as scary as being thrown into a furnace but is still pretty scary. (Whoever did CGI tiger Richard Parker in Life of Pi really should have been brought in to render these lions, because they kind of sucked. They certainly weren’t intimidating.) Cyrus found out about this, was really pissed that his advisers did this to his friend behind his back, and used this as an opportunity to let Daniel and his people go. Thus, the Israelites returned to Jerusalem and rebuilt the Temple of Solomon, an act for which Cyrus is enshrined in Judaism as “The Anointed of the Lord.” The Iranian Culture Ministry, which is planning a lawsuit against Hollywood producers and directors for promoting Iranophobia (like in Argo) should take comfort in the fact that on The Bible the Persians are the good guys.
NEXT: The Babylonian Captivity ends, and a beloved character with a massive following makes his Bible debut. Yep, Jesus.
Thus ended the Babylonian Captivity. This period in Jewish history was significant because it began to herald the end of the Old Testament Era, and the transition of Judaism’s view of God (or Yahweh) as sectarian, warlike, and jealous, to a God of compassion, redemption, and forgiveness. A God who will always be there in your time of suffering, as long as you have faith. In a sense God went from being the God of the Jews to the God of Everyone.
Maybe that theme is why the producers of The Bible chose to end their Old Testament coverage there (sorry, Maccabees, this is very much a Protestant reading that cuts you out completely) and skip ahead directly to a beloved character with a massive following. A character who’s inspired ardent fan devotion and the creation of multiple appreciation societies (or, rather, denominations). A guy who’s so adored that you could call him the Daryl Dixon or Boba Fett of The Bible. I’m talking about Jesus.
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Fast-forward five centuries to Nazareth in the time of Augustus Caesar. I thought at first Mary looked exactly like a young Roma Downey because Mark Burnett thinks his wife is so angelic and virginal that he wanted to cast someone who looks exactly like her, as a tribute. Actually, it’s because in subsequent installments Roma Downey really is playing Older Mary, so it’s just a craven set-up to cast the woman who’s sleeping with the showrunner in the star role.
Mary and Joseph are visited by Gabriel, who wears armor, and looks kind of badass, and they learn that God has found her hot and wants her to bear His child. It was important they explain this to Joseph, because in 1 A.D. if your fiancée gets pregnant before your wedding night your wedding present for her might be a bag of stones you hurl at her face. Oddly enough, in no versions of the Christmas story that I’ve ever seen depicted, nor read in the Bible itself, do we actually get an account of Joseph and Mary getting married. That’s just totally glossed over, like it’s too worldly of a detail to include in the account of the birth of Christ.
Meanwhile in Jerusalem, the Romans’ puppet king, Herod, is like something out of a John Waters movie. He’s morbidly obese yet wearing nothing but a massage towel when we first meet him. Herod’s taking some healing vapors, while leaches are covering his skin to draw out the sickly humours that affect him. After this introduction, we’ll only ever see him wear a muumuu. He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t even like to wash off the blood of the prisoners he’s personally executed before sitting down to dinner. We get it: he’s a bad dude.
Mary and Joseph make the journey to Bethlehem to be taxed. In this version there’s no interest in examining the identity of the donkey that carries Mary, who by this point is now very great with child. By my reckoning, there are at least two competing versions of who this donkey is in the annals of TV Christmas specials. There’s Rankin/Bass’ Nestor: The Long-Eared Donkey, which imagines the ass that carried Mary to Bethlehem as a quasi-Dumbo figure; and there’s also Disney’s The Small One, directed by Don Bluth, which imagines the donkey as old and frail, the beloved pet of a boy who has to sell him to support his family, and, lucky for him, sells him to Joseph! Both of those specials are more profound examinations of faith and love than anything I’ve seen on The Bible so far.
The depiction of the first Christmas itself was pretty low-key. The wise men showed up, but there were no angels overhead, and there were too few shepherds for my liking. This was not your idyllic Nativity scene.
The show then jumped ahead 31 years to when Jesus decided to begin his ministry. John the Baptist was taking a break from eating locusts to violently baptize some followers via total immersion in the River Jordan. Jesus, out of focus, walked forward slowly toward the camera like the way Bond is introduced in Skyfall, until we saw him in crystalline clarity. He gets baptized by John, then goes out into the desert where he meets Obama Satan. He resisted the temptations of socialism. Meanwhile, John had been captured by Herod Antipas, Herod’s son who’s now the self-proclaimed King of the Jews. In this version there was no creepy love triangle among him, his wife, and his stepdaughter, no sexy dance from Salome, no intoxicating commingling of eroticism and violence as Salome tells a hot-and-bothered Antipas that she wants John’s head on a silver platter in exchange for having gotten him horny. None of it. Not even a silver platter! John was merely beheaded off screen. End of story. What a letdown.
The episode ended with Jesus recruiting Simon Peter to his cause with an offer of fish, as Hans Zimmer’s pulsating, string-heavy score signaled the momentousness of the occasion. It sounded exactly like Zimmer’s final musical cues in The Dark Knight, because watching Batman ride his Batpod into the Gotham sunset is the equivalent of the start of Christ’s ministry. I’m surprised narrator Keith David didn’t say something like, “The Jews will find that Jesus is not the Messiah they need, but the one they deserve.”
So what did you think of last night’s episode of The Gospel According to Mark (Burnett)? Do you maintain that this is worthwhile television? Or is this the cheesiest damn thing you’ve ever seen? And did anyone else think this story is totally incomplete without the presence of Salome?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Joe Alblas/History Channel ]
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The news that Star Wars: The Clone Wars had been cancelled came to me as a slowly-dawning shock. Almost like the Five Stages of Grief in reverse. I started with acceptance, the realization that this show couldn't last forever. After all, it had originally been planned for only 100 episodes at its outset, and we crossed that mark this January. Lucasfilm's announcement also promised that another animated series is in the works, one that would explore a wholly untouched part of the Star Wars timeline. That's exciting. But as much as it may be un-Jedi-like of me, as the day progressed and the news truly started to sink in, I found it harder and harder to let go.
The Clone Wars has been an amazingly accomplished series throughout its run. If its quality ever varied, it's because it realized it had to be all things to all Star Wars fans and deliver different kinds of episodes for different demographics: young kids encountering that Galaxy Far, Far Away for the first time, teenagers and young adults who first experienced Star Wars with the prequels, and middle-aged fans for whom the original trilogy is all the Star Wars they ever care to know. That's a tall order. And with an incredible batting average, it succeeded in pleasing each of those groups at one time or another.
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The lazy, kneejerk response to The Clone Wars is that it was what the prequels should have been: kinetic, action-driven, easy on the politics and heavy on the mythmaking. You will get no such prequel-bashing from this post. The funny thing is, The Clone Wars could be daringly political and devote whole episodes to moral quandaries and character's relationships as easily as it could space battles and lightsaber duels. It can be argued, very easily in fact, that The Clone Wars took the best of the prequels and the best of the original trilogy and made a series radically original and unlike any previous TV animation project. What emerged was a show as vast as the Star Wars galaxy itself. And lucky for us, there are still stories to tell, due to still unaired episodes that are due a DVD release or online streaming or who knows what. The final separation pains are still to be felt later on. But for now, let's take a deep breath and count the ways The Clone Wars was the very best that Star Wars had to offer.
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1. The Clone Wars Gave Us Vivid Characters With Bold Personalities and Complex Motivations
For the incredible roster of characters The Clone Wars gave us, you have to give a great tip of the hat to Lucasfilm Animation's talented stable of voice actors. (We'll get to them in a minute.) But, first and foremost, you've gotta acknowledge not only the depth but the economy of the writing. There were hundreds of characters with speaking parts throughout the 109 episodes of the show. And each episode ran for only 22 minutes. To convey a sense of any character's personality, the writers had to communicate something unique about each of them...and very quickly. Members of the Jedi Council, who served as freaky-looking window dressing in the movies, had to be fleshed out, and, in the case of Plo Koon or Even Piell or Adi Gallia, be capable of anchoring episodes themselves.
An even greater challenge lay in making each of the Republic's clone troopers distinct. I mean, they're clones. They all look the same. They all have the same voice (the incomparable Dee Bradley Baker). How do you set them apart? The writers made it seemed like they'd solved that problem effortlessly, building whole episodes, or even multi-episode story arcs around squads of clone troopers, like the Battle for Umbara Arc in Season 4. Take away the white armor, the blasters, the lightsabers, and any other funky tech, then splice those episodes together, and that arc could have served as a solid Vietnam War movie.
Then there's the way the show introduced new characters. Some of these developed whole cults of personality themselves, like Duros bounty hunter Cad Bane. Others would only appear in one episode, or even one scene, but were still capable of making an impression. Writer Brent Friedman especially proved himself a master at efficiently setting up new characters and delineating their personalities, as in the clip below, my favorite scene from my favorite episode of the series: Season 4's "The Box." Look at the way Friedman introduces 12 characters from the show in under 90 seconds. And once those 90 seconds are up, you know exactly what you need to know about each of those characters.
Even beyond the economy of that set-up, Friedman writes something A New Hope achieved brilliantly: a line of throwaway dialogue that suggests an epic history we're not entirely privy to. In this case, it's when Count Dooku says to the final bounty hunter, a Selkath of the aquatic race first scene in the videogame Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, that his people were once a peaceful race and "How far they have fallen." Whoa. So what happened to them, exactly? Why did they change? We don't know but our minds are racing with possibilities. This is writing that inspires the imagination, and it's in micro what Clone Warsdid all the time.
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2. The Clone Wars Went Further than the Expanded Universe
I love the Star Wars Expanded Universe. I've probably read a good 70+ Star Wars novels easy, not to mention countless comics and graphic novels. So I can understand why fans were upset when The Clone Wars rewrote previously established canon, like killing off Even Piell (who had previously been depicted as surviving Order 66), or, most notably, what the show did with bony Sith assassin, and all-around hottie, Asajj Ventress. In the Clone Wars comics released before Revenge of the Sith hit theaters, Ventress was portrayed as a repeat sufferer of abandonment, whose loneliness drove her toward the Dark Side -- and the manipulation of Count Dooku. On the show, some of that was left in place, but she was also revealed to be a Nightsister, and rather just exiting galactic history stage-right near the end of the war, as in the comics, on the show she became a bounty hunter and, eventually, a quasi-ally to both Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ahsoka Tano. George Lucas, who had a hand in most, if not all, of the TV show's plot points, personally steered Ventress' arc in that direction. And you've got to admit it's more interesting than what had already been established in the EU. The same goes for Barriss Offee, who in the Season 5 (er, series) finale revealed herself to be a traitor to the Jedi Order and the person framing Ahsoka for murder and terrorism. In the comics, she was just another anonymous casualty of Order 66. On The Clone Wars, however, she was given a far more compelling exit.
3. The Clone Wars Featured Some of the Saga's Greatest Battles
And, yes, the show had plenty of action. In fact, it offered up space battles and lightsaber duels of true cinematic sweep, the equal of anything seen in the movies. And it set those battles in landscapes and environs unlike anything seen in the movies. Space battles? Try the Sky Battle of Quell on for size, instead.
The Clone Wars even cannibalized unused concept art for the original trilogy that legendary artist Ralph McQuarrie had painted. His original blue-white vision for Hoth became the moon Orto Plutonia in Season 1. And his exotic cityscapes were just as interesting, so his design for Coruscant's Monument Plaza made it onto the show, as well.
NEXT: The Clone Wars was brimming with talent, behind the scenes and in the recording booth.
4. The Clone Wars Was Really Smart
This show was capable of delivering a two-part episode about the passage of legislation that would enact banking reforms (in Season 3), as a kind of commentary on the Wall Street shenanigans that led to our financial collapse in this galaxy in 2008. I know, I know, you'll balk and say that sounds as dry as "the taxation of trade routes," but The Clone Wars made that incredibly interesting. It became a study of the political process, about how Palpatine coerced his minions to do what he needed to do, that was worthy of Lincoln or Advise and Consent. And it showed the intersection of economics and warfare. To ensure the passage of that legislation, General Grievous sends suicide-bomber droids to Coruscant to destroy the the government district's main power center and plunge the Republic Senate in darkness. His motivational speech to those droids as he sent them on their mission was almost Dickensian: "I won't lie to you...this is a dangerous mission. Some of you may not return....Actually, none of you will return." The resulting blackout was dripping with Langian paranoia and the kind of inky, palpable fear of a people ready to turn to fascism to solve their problems. Brilliant stuff.
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5. The Clone Wars Had an Incredible Roster of Voice Talent
The show's regular cast of Matt Lanter as Anakin, Ashley Eckstein as Ahsoka, Tom Kane as the Narrator, Dee Bradley Baker as the clones, the late Ian Abercrombie as Palpatine, and James Arnold Taylor as an inspired (and inspiring) Obi-Wan, was peerless. But supervising director Dave Filoni also managed to score high-profile guest talent: actors like George Takei, Michael York, Tim Curry (as Abercrombie's replacement for Palpatine), Katee Sackhoff, Seth Green, Simon Pegg, and even, in one memorable cameo, Liam Neeson himself as Qui-Gon Jinn. As great as they were, it was the regulars, though, who really made the show shine week-in and week-out. Check out the final time we heard Abercrombie as Darth Sidious, at the end of this knock-out fight when the Sith Lord sneers at a supplicating Darth Maul and says, "I'm not going to kill you...I have other plans for you-u-u-u...(trails off into maniacal laugh). The best.
6. The Clone Wars Gave Us the Most Fully Realized Star Wars Underworld Yet
Sure, we got glimpses of scum and villainy in the Mos Eisley Cantina, Jabba's Palace, and that weird Coruscant nightclub Anakin and Obi-Wan visit in Attack of the Clones. But Clone Wars went deeper. In fact, it even devoted whole episodes to gangsters, pirates, and bounty hunters. For years, it's been rumored that a live-action TV series, tentatively titled Star Wars: Underworld, would explore the demimonde of that Galaxy Far, Far Away. But you don't need to wait for a show that may never happen. It already has happened. This interaction between Nika Futterman's Asajj Ventress and Simon Pegg's Dengar is perfectly indicative of the languid sleaze and scuzzy sexiness the show could trade in effortlessly.
7. The Clone Wars Had an Unbeatable Rogues Gallery
We've already talked about how great Ventress was on the show. But she's just the tip of the villainous iceberg. Jon Favreau, director of Iron Man and Elf, voiced the sinister, snarling Mandalorian Death Watch terrorist Pre Vizsla, a character who could have been a throwaway baddie but ended up having a kind of karmic--even tragic--story arc. Or the Nightsister coven leader, Mother Talzin. Or Revenge of the Sith's General Grievous, whose unique mix of malice and campiness was perfected by voice artist (and Oscar-nominated sound editor of There Will Be Blood) Matthew Wood. Or Savage Opress, who, forget Vizsla, really had a tragic arc, and was voiced by Highlander's Clancy Brown! Or Tarkin, the King's English-accented villain inhabited by Peter Cushing in A New Hope, who was the only man capable of holding Vader's leash, and was given a new, equally snide personality by Stephen Stanton. Or Cad Bane, who was the Star Wars Galaxy's answer to Lee Van Cleef's Angel Eyes in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: implacable, unstoppable, someone we'd call a force of nature if he weren't just so damn civilized. He was the kind of bounty hunter willing to kill someone if they had a wider-brimmed hat than him, who was never to be found without a toothpick in his mouth, who just seemed to conjure Morricone-esque music out of thin air. In this scene, the floor of his apartment was originally supposed to have the chalk outline of a Gungan. Even more reason to like him!
NEXT: The Clone Wars drew upon a diverse range of influences from Star Wars itself to Alfred Hitchcock to, I would argue, John Waters. (Yep, we're talking "Hunt for Ziro.")
8. The Clone Wars' Movie Inspirations Were Savvy
Though the call-outs were subtle, several episodes were designed as homages to movies cherished by Dave Filoni &amp; Co. A Season 2 episode recast Seven Samurai with Star Wars bounty hunters, in tribute to the centennial of Akira Kurosawa's birth. One of the characters, the broad-hatted Embo was part of a race named the Kyuzo, in honor of Seven Samurai's most taciturn badass. There were also episodes rendered in the style of Godzilla movies, zombie flicks, Spaghetti Westerns (note that sarape Boba Fett wears in Season 2!), even a blow-by-blow redo of the end of Alfred Hitchcock's Notorious with Anakin as Cary Grant, Padmé as Ingrid Bergman, and Senator Clovis as Claude Rains.
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9. The Clone Wars Gave Us Mini Movies.
Serialized storytelling is the holy grail of TV production today, but Clone Wars found a middle ground between a serialized rollout of its stories and an episodic approach. Though a character like Anakin's Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, obviously has an arc throughout the course of the whole series, the show mostly preferred three-to-four episode arcs. Splice those together, like Season 3's Nightsisters arc, or the Mortis trilogy, or Season 4's awesome Undercover Obi-Wan arc, and you'd have some pretty tasty cinematic experiences. Here's hoping that the final episodes that have yet to be released will be cut together to fully unleash their latent theatrical heft.
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10. The Clone Wars Explored the Niches of that Galaxy Far, Far Away
One thing you could do in a TV show that you couldn't do in a movie, not even in the spin-off Star Wars movies Disney has planned, is give really obscure supporting characters the spotlight. Take one of the oddest, but possibly most original, episodes of the series: "Hunt for Ziro." Ziro the Hutt, a tattooed, purple Hutt who escaped from prison with the assistance of Cad Bane, but forgot to pay Bane for his services, was modeled on Truman Capote, voice and all. Despite Ziro's previously ambiguous sexuality, he was revealed to have a girlfriend in "Hunt for Ziro," the glam lead singer of the Max Rebo Band, as seen in Jabba's Palace in Return of the Jedi, Sy Snootles. Sy put on a Vegas floor show in "Hunt for Ziro," then rushed to her beloved Ziro's side, after he was locked in prison again. They exchanged some self-consciously overheated Tennessee Williams dialogue like Ziro's "Unfortunately the cage that entraps me now also entraps my chance of loving you again." So Sy helped him escape...and then she gunned him down, proving herself to be the Star Wars saga's ultimate femme fatale. Who knew?
11. The Clone Wars Had a John Waters-esque Affinity for the Absurd
And the grotesque. When Obi-Wan and fellow Jedi Quinlan Vos are on the hunt for Ziro in "Hunt for Ziro," they enlist his mother for help. Wow. To think we thought Jabba was obese. And to think we thought Ziro was sexually ambiguous! Ziro's mom is indicative of The Clone Wars' sometimes surreal proclivity for comical exaggeration. If Ziro was based on Truman Capote, Ziro's mom must surely have been inspired by Divine. Brace yourself for this one. You could argue this is The Clone Wars' all-time worst moment. I'd argue it's one of the best.
NEXT: Just like Luke Skywalker's story ended (or so we thought) the moment he became a Jedi, The Clone Wars will go out on top.
12. The Clone Wars' Animation Kept Getting Better and Better
Every season saw a new visual advance. Mind you, Industrial Light &amp; Magic was already a pioneer in the rendering of CGI fire effects. But foliage, water, and hair had always been more of a challenge. And with each year it met those challenges one-by-one. The Season 3 finale's Most Dangerous Game setup of Trandoshan hunters tracking Ahsoka and fellow Padawans through a dense jungle showed how the Lucasarts Animation team had mastered creating a fully organic environment, where before they relied on arid landscapes of sand and rock. Season 4 tackled water with the season-opening arc's three episodes set entirely beneath the waves of ocean planet Mon Calamari. And by Season 5, the characters' hair, previously immobile, had started to move and sway with the wind and their own exertion. Not to mention that their choreography of elaborate fight scenes had never gotten more visceral than by the end of its run. Check out the incredible final showdown between Maul and Pre Vizsla from Season 5's "Shades of Reason."
13. The Clone Wars Could Be Edgy
Oh yeah, Vizsla suffered the fate of Ned Stark there. The Clone Wars could be violent and it more than once got in trouble with timid Cartoon Network censors. Other, more graphic beheadings were cut out of the show altogether. And this scene from the Season 3 premiere, of Asajj Ventress kissing a soldier she's impaled on her lightsaber, was also left on the cutting room floor.
14. The Clone Wars' Makers Knew It Served a Wide Audience
A glimpse at Season 5, alone, shows the narrative diversity of this show. It opened with a four-part arc focused squarely on the war, for an older, more action-oriented crowd. Then it followed that up with "The Young Jedi Knights," episodes that gave the spotlight to younglings first learning the Jedi ropes, showing how they would find their lightsaber crystals, then build their blades. Those eps were clearly for the under-10 crowd, and great for parents to watch with their kids. The same goes for the four-episode adventure about "D-Squad," plucky droids behind enemy lines. Then we got to a three-parter about Darth Maul, and those episodes featured a level of grit--not to mention multiple deaths--to satisfy a Game of Thrones fan. And finally the "Jedi On the Run" arc that saw Ahsoka leave the Jedi Order would appeal to, well, everybody. But especially older fans of the original trilogy searching for those movies' unique mythological resonance.
15. The Clone Wars Corrected the Mistakes of the Prequels
Mind you, I stand by my initial remarks that this is not a time to praise Clone Wars at the expense of the prequels. Actually, I consider myself an ardent prequel defender. Those movies are certainly different from the originals, but in some ways they go deeper, even deconstructing the very Manichaean, Dark Side/Light Side bipolar split of the originals, in showing that the very qualities that make a hero can also make a villain. That's pretty heady stuff. But I do think the Clone Wars series picked up a couple threads that maybe weren't explored as effectively as they could have been in Episodes I, II, and III. Namely, George Lucas himself realized the missed storytelling potential of killing off Darth Maul at the end of The Phantom Menace when he decided to resurrect him on the TV show. Or, rather, that we'd discover he'd never been killed but had survived being cut in half because of the power of the Dark Side...which, as we know, leads to abilities some consider to be unnatural. Suddenly, Darth Maul was back and his motivations were as prickly as his horns--did he want to return to Darth Sidious' side? Did he actually resent Sidious for abandoning him? Just what does he want? Like Hamlet, he may not even know. But that wasn't going to stop him from unleashing a bloodbath in the meantime.
The other area where I'd say The Clone Wars picked up a neglected strand from the prequels was in its development of the relationship between Obi-Wan and Satine. It was funny and fresh, bristling with a hormonal spark and repressed longing. At times, like in the scene below, when Obi-Wan subtly mocks Satine for being a pacifist, there was even a screwball wit to their dynamic. It's probably what we would have liked to have seen from Anakin and Padmé in the movies. But obviously, that could never have been, since Anakin and Padmé's relationship, though consummated, is marked by tragedy, betrayal, and abuse. Instead, Obi-Wan and Satine captured a will-they/won't-they free-spiritedness we hadn't seen in a Star Wars couple since Han and Leia.
There are probably a dozen more reasons I could list for why The Clone Wars was such a valuable part of Star Wars storytelling. Whatever animation projects Disney and Lucasfilm are planning for the future can learn a lot from this show. Hell, Episode VII could learn a lot from The Clone Wars. I've been writing about it in-depth for almost five years, and it still seems too soon to say goodbye.
This will be a show long remembered.
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Lucasfilm]
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Buffy is coming back! Sarah Michelle Gellar is returning to television (again) with Robin Williams' CBS comedy pilot: Crazy Ones. The workplace comedy comes from Ally McBeal genius David E. Kelley and takes on the world of advertising. Gellar will play the daughter of Williams' character Simon Roberts, according to the Hollywood Reporter. Gellar's Sydney Roberts is very type-A, and helps run her father's ad agency as the creative director, with the help of James Wolk, who plays a copywriter at the agency. And we've seen Gellar as the tough girl as Buffy and as the femme fatale in CW's defunct Ringer, but can she make us giggle as the lead in a comedy?
While Gellar's bread and butter has been drama, she's dipped her toes into comedic waters on a few occasions.
She's a frequent guest voice on Seth Green's Adult Swim staple Robot Chicken, so it's clear there's no dirty joke she can't handle.
Gellar was a guest on Sex and the City back in the day as a parody of the typical rising Los Angeles writer. This uppity type-A character could serve Gellar well as she dives into the workplace sitcom.
And of course, she served up crowd-pleasing jokes in the Scooby Doo movies. They're not the most high-brow or sophisticated jokes, but they're certainly fit for wider audiences, something Gellar will need to be able to do on CBS.
While Gellar's only given us a smattering of comedic appearances, she'll be in good hands with comedy vets Kelley and Williams.
[Photo Credit: Ivan Nickolv/Wenn]

Even before Twilight — or Harry Potter — Hollywood had made a habit of turning beloved books into movie hits. You can thank the vampire craze for the booming genre of young adult fiction in publishing, though, and its success (along with Potter's and The Hunger Games') has paved the way for a booming, previously untapped market.
The latest book-to-movie adaptation, Beautiful Creatures about a 15-year-old witch, her mortal boyfriend, and their ill-fated romance, hits theaters on Thursday, Feb. 14. It's just the first in a string of post-Twilight, post-Hunger Games movies based on popular YA book series to hit the theaters (or the small screen) in 2013. Instead of catching up on dozens of novels, why not peruse Hollywood.com's YA primer for a taste of each before you decide which books are worthy of your time?
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Beautiful Creatures, Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl
What Happens:Lena comes from a long line of casters (witches), who, upon their 16th birthday, are claimed for the light or the dark. She moves in with her shut-in uncle in a small Southern town and becomes increasingly worried that she'll go dark as her fateful claiming day approaches. Complicating matters further is that she falls in love with mortal Ethan, her new classmate.
Love Triangle? Not here. These two fall in love almost immediately, but Lena's claiming is what comes between them.
Development: This movie comes out on Valentine's Day. You should probably pay better attention to the billboards and commercials (and the second paragraph of this story).
Who's Attached: Alden Ehrenreich and Alice Englert play the mortal and caster who fall in love, while a pedigreed cast of veterans, including Viola Davis, Jeremy Irons, and Emma Thompson, add their support.
Should You Read? Like many series, the first book's engaging, while the subsequent volumes run off the rails. Stick with Beautiful Creatures and you won't be disappointed.
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Divergent, Veronica Roth
What Happens:In a dystopian future, civilization has split up into personality-based factions. Once children reach high-school age, they're tested to find out the tribe for which they're most suited. Abegnation (Selfless) teen Beatrice learns that she has qualities of her native faction, along with Erudite (Intelligent) and Dauntless (Brave) — she's divergent, a very dangerous quality. Beatrice decides to join the Dauntless, renames herself Tris, and learns how brave she actually is.
Love Triangle? Nope. But Tris does fall for her sexy, older instructor, Four, also a former Abignation.
Development: Production should start any day now, and the project is actively casting. Neil Burger will direct the film, which is being produced by Summit Entertainment (the company behind Twilight).
Who's Attached: Oscar nominee Shailene Woodley will star, but her love interest is proving harder to cast. Kate Winslet is circling the project, though it's unknown what character she'd potentially play.
Should You Read? Heck yes. Plus, the sequel, Insurgent, is just as good — a rarity in the YA book world.
NEXT: Forbidden Love, Demon-Fighters, and Hunger Games Bachelor-Style
Delirium, Lauren Oliver
What Happens:In a dystopian near-future, love has been banned. All teenagers undergo a surgery that eliminates the emotion from their brains after their 18th birthday, when they are matched with their spouse. Lena is all set to live her assigned life, but things get complicated when she meets a boy from the Wilds — the forest outside her walled-in society — and, naturally, falls in love before her operation.
Love Triangle? It's a little hard to have a triangle when love is outlawed, but Lena has her share of illicit affairs. In both the first and the second books of the trilogy she manages to develop real, passionate feelings.
Development: Fox is currently producing a pilot for the 2013-2014 broadcast season.
Who's Attached: Emma Roberts will star as our rebellious heroine Lena, but her potential boyfriend/s has/have not yet been cast.
Should You Read? Definitely. Delirium is fascinating, and the sequel, Pandemonium, is unique in that the setting and most of the characters are completely different from the first book — usually there's not such a drastic change.
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The Mortal Instruments, Cassandra Clare
What Happens:Ordinary teenager Clary finds out that she's a member of a secret race of Shadowhunters, or demon-fighters, and is taken in by bad boy Jace and shadowhunter siblings Alec and Isabelle when her mother is kidnapped by the Voldemort-like evil villain Valentine. Clary and her new friends must find the Mortal Cup to save her mother — and prevent Valentine from rising to power again.
Love Triangle? Clary's mortal BFF Simon is hopelessly in love with her, but she's too busy crushing on buff, badass demon hunter Jace to notice.
Development: This one's already been made — The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones was filmed in Toronto in 2012 and is scheduled to hit theaters on August 23, 2013.
Who's Attached: Lily Collins stars as Clary, while former Twilight vampire Jamie Campbell Bower plays Jace, Kevin Zegers is Alec, and Jemima West is Isabelle. Robert Sheehan, of the British teen superhero series Misfits, plays Simon.
Should You Read? The first book's an engrossing introduction to the shadowhunter world, but you don't need to read more than that. Plus, there's a weird incesty storyline that we just can't get behind even though it's easy to predict the eventual, non-gross outcome.
The Selection, Kiera Cass
What Happens: In a dystopian future (sense a theme?), low-caste teenager America Singer is chosen, Hunger Games-style, to compete in a Bachelor-esque contest to win the prince's hand in marriage. Unfortunately, the rebel forces who oppose the prince's father's rule decide to disrupt the competition as a way to win back the kingdom.
Love Triangle? Although America's dedicated to her secret fiance, a lower-class soldier assigned to protect the castle where she's now living, she strikes up a very real friendship with the prince that has the potential to blossom into something more.
Development: The CW developed (and rejected) a pilot for the 2012 season, but has completely revamped the script and story — deviating from the book's framework in very key ways — for a second go-around.
Who's Attached: Aimee Teegarden and Ethan Peck played America and Prince Maxon in the first version, but both actors have moved on since then and the project is actively casting round two.
Should You Read? In a word, no. If the show makes it to series, a quick plot summary is more than enough to catch you up on the book series' goings-on. Besides, most TV shows adapted from books deviate from the original plot within episodes.
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The Fault in Our Stars, John Green
What Happens:Just because a book is YA doesn't mean it needs supernatural romance or a dystopian bent. This very modern, very real novel follows teenage cancer patient Hazel as she meets and falls in love with fellow cancer victim Augustus. Other stuff happens too, but you'll be too busy crying — tears of sorrow, tears of happiness, tears of joy, tears of grief – to articulate the plot too.
Love Triangle? Only disease gets in the way of Hazel and Augustus' love.
Development: The movie, written by (500) Days of Summer scribes Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, is set to film over the summer.
Who's Attached: TFIOS hasn't been cast yet, but add Hollywood.com to the list of many who believe Mae Whitman would be the perfect Hazel.
Should You Read? You mean you haven't yet? TFIOS was No. 1 on Time's best books of 2012 list — not best YA books, best of all books. Get to a bookstore/library/ebook purveyor immediately, and don't forget the tissues. You'll need them.
Vampire Academy, Richelle Mead
What Happens: Rose Hathaway is headstrong, independent Dhampir (half-human/half-vampire) bodyguard in training to protect her best friend, Moroi (vampire) princess Lissa Dragomir, the last in her royal bloodline following a tragic car accident. The Strigoi – the fiercest and most dangerous undead vampires who kill humans, Moroi, and Dhampirs —have made it their mission to end Royal bloodlines, so Lissa is their prime target. Rose and Lissa have been on the run from St. Vladimir's Academy because of the dangers the Strigoi present, but they're dragged back to the school where they become enmeshed in government politics, the school's social scene and Rose's forbidden romance with her much older instructor, Dimitri Belikov, who is known as a god among the Guardians.
Love Triangle? Not really. Rose and Dimitri’s romance is filled with enough obstacles without another person complicating things, but another Dhampir student, Mason, tries to throw his hat in the ring with deadly consequences. Later in the series, a royal Moroi complicates the romance a bit, though.
Development: Optioned by Preger Entertainment way back in the summer of 2010, the movie adaptation is finally moving forward with a cast and everything. Heathers’ Dan Waters wrote the script, and Don Murphy will produce. The name of the first movie has changed from Vampire Academy to Vampire Academy: Blood Sisters, the name of the first book in the German version of the series.
Who’s Attached: Zoey Deutch, who has a supporting part in Beautiful Creatures, will star as Rose, Aussie actress Lucy Fry will play Lissa, and Russian superstar (but unknown in the U.S.) Danila Kozlovsky will play Dimitri.
Should You Read? Sure — the series is pretty engrossing; there's a reason author Richelle Mead wrote a spinoff series, Bloodlines, with characters from the VA world. If you’re into the supernatural but want a more mature series to get into, this is for you.
Follow Jean on Twitter @hijean
[PHOTO CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures; Penguin Group; Margaret K. McElderry; Harper Teen; Katherine Tegen Books; Harper Collins Publishing; Dutton Books: Little, Brown and Co.; Dutton Books]

It’s never easy being a teenager; navigating the rough waters of adolescence while avoiding the tidal waves of crippling embarrassment. The strength of this nautical metaphor notwithstanding, high school can be a devastating voyage. This is not specific to American schools, but instead a universal truth. The British series The Inbetweeners speaks to this universality. The series made such an impression with fans that not only is it getting the big screen treatment — the film opens this weekend in limited release — it has also recently enjoyed an Americanized version on television.
But will we enjoy it? Appropriating British television and repackaging it for American audiences is certainly nothing new. NBC’s The Office can definitely attest to that. But the TV remake of The Inbetweeners seems a less wise endeavor not long for this world. Do yourself a favor; watch the original series, the first two seasons of which are available on Netflix’s Watch Instantly service. It should become quite apparent that while the film, with the same full cast, should work, the American version of the show faces an arguably insurmountable challenge.
The Inbetweeners follows the exploits of four boys suffering the torments and perpetual indignities of a British comprehensive school. Will, our protagonist and narrator, is a highly intelligent, socially awkward student transferring from a private school; the perfect recipe for being completely ostracized. Will is slowly folded into a friend circle that includes the lovesick Simon, amiably dull Neil, and the hilariously profane Jay. The quartet engages in a number of adventures that often see their impish designs for sexual gratification devolving into total disaster.
But wait — American teenagers like sex, so why would this not translate? The thing is that much of the comedy in this show comes not so much from what the boys get up to, but how they react to it. In particular, Will, despite his young age, often reacts with a sort of straight-laced cynicism that typifies British humor in general. He bottles things up until they boil over and he engages in ill-advised tirades. Not appropriately dealing with emotions has been a staple of British comedy for years, and has its roots in their cultural mores. American teens are also capable of flying off the handle, sure, but the snide stoicism leading up to those moments ring false from the young American actor portraying him in the new version. Michael Cera was able to pull this off on Arrested Development, but the difference between that show and The Inbetweeners is that the latter does not take place in so absurd a universe. Will’s demeanor is the only thing about The Inbetweeners that feels even slightly removed from the experience of the average high school kid. It’s an odd balance to strike, and one that is absent from Joey Pollari’s performance in the U.S. adaptation.
There also must be acknowledged the vastly different censorship standards that exist between American and British television. A trademark of The Inbetweeners is its colorful array of vulgarity that comes spilling from the mouths of its leads. It’s not simply a matter of the sonorously spiteful nature of British slang, but the way in which these kids string together their expletives that gives their crudity a musical quality. There are things said on The Inbetweeners that, while uproariously funny, would never fly on the much more oppressively regulated American airwaves. When watching the American version, you’ll notice several key invectives are bleeped; something doomed to wear out its welcome sooner rather than later.
Is it worth watching the pilot, even the first few episodes of the MTV Inbetweeners? Sure, if only to note the differences. But yet again, this is a case of unnecessary remake occurring when a simple port of the original series would have sufficed. What has happened in the translation is that much of the identity of the British Inbetweeners has been stripped down into something that woefully resembles painfully conventional high school TV fare, something in which we on this side of the pond have been drowning for years.
Spend an afternoon or two investigating the original series on Netflix. It won’t take long for the British progenitor to convince you of the coming collapse of its American offspring.
[Photo Credits: E4, MTV]
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While recent animated blockbusters have aimed to viewers of all ages starting with fantastical concepts and breathtaking visuals but tackling complex emotional issues along the way Ice Age: Continental Drift is crafted especially for the wee ones — and it works. Venturing back to prehistoric times once again the fourth Ice Age film paints broad strokes on the theme of familial relationships throwing in plenty of physical comedy along the way. The movie isn't that far off from one of the many Land Before Time direct-to-video sequels: not particularly innovative or necessary but harmless thrilling fun for anyone with a sense of humor. Unless they have a particular distaste for wooly mammoths the kids will love it.
Ice Age: Continental Drift continues to snowball its cartoon roster bringing back the original film's trio (Ray Romano as Manny the Mammoth Denis Leary as Diego the Sabertooth Tiger and John Leguizamo as Sid the Sloth) new faces acquired over the course of the franchise (Queen Latifah as Manny's wife Ellie) and a handful of new characters to spice things up everyone from Nicki Minaj as Manny's daughter Steffie to Wanda Sykes as Sid's wily grandma. The whole gang is living a pleasant existence as a herd with Manny's biggest problem being playing overbearing dad to the rebellious daughter. Teen mammoths they always want to go out and play by the waterfall! Whippersnappers.
The main thrust of the film comes when Scratch the Rat (whose silent comedy routines in the vein of Tex Avery/WB cartoons continue to be the series highlight) accidentally cracks the singular continent Pangea into the world we know today. Manny Diego and Sid find themselves stranded on an iceberg once again forced on a road trip journey of survival. The rest of the herd embarks to meet them giving Steffie time to realize the true meaning of friendship with help from her mole pal Louis (Josh Gad).
The ham-handed lessons may drag for those who've passed Kindergarten but Ice Age: Continental Drift is a lot of fun when the main gang crosses paths with a group of villainous pirates. (Back then monkeys rabbits and seals were hitting the high seas together pillaging via boat-shaped icebergs. Obviously.) Quickly Ice Age becomes an old school pirate adventure complete with maritime navigation buried treasure and sword fights. Gut (Peter Dinklage) an evil ape with a deadly... fingernail leads the evil-doers who pose an entertaining threat for the familiar bunch. Jennifer Lopez pops by as Gut's second-in-command Shira the White Tiger and the film's two cats have a chase scene that should rouse even the most apathetic adults. Hearing Dinklage (of Game of Thrones fame) belt out a pirate shanty may be worth the price of admission alone.
With solid action (that doesn't need the 3D addition) cartoony animation and gags out the wazoo Ice Age: Continental Drift is entertainment to enjoy with the whole family. Revelatory? Not quite. Until we get a feature length silent film of Scratch's acorn pursuit we may never see a "classic" Ice Age film but Continental Drift keeps it together long enough to tell a simple story with delightful flare that should hold attention spans of any length. Massive amounts of sugar not even required.
[Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox]

A kids’ movie without the cheeky jokes for adults is like a big juicy BLT without the B… or the T. Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted may have a title that sounds like it was made up in a cartoon sequel laboratory but when it comes to serving up laughs just think of the film as a BLT with enough extra bacon to satisfy even the wildest of animals — or even a parent with a gaggle of tots in tow. Yes even with that whole "Afro Circus" nonsense.
It’s not often that we find exhaustively franchised films like the Madagascar set that still work after almost seven years. Despite being spun off into TV shows and Christmas specials in addition to its big screen adventures the series has not only maintained its momentum it has maintained the part we were pleasantly surprised by the first time around: great jokes.
In this third installment of the series – the trilogy-maker if you will – directing duo Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath add Conrad Vernon (director Monsters Vs. Aliens) to the helm as our trusty gang swings back into action. Alex the lion (Ben Stiller) Marty the zebra (Chris Rock) Gloria the hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith) and Melman the giraffe (David Schwimmer) are stuck in Africa after the hullaballoo of Madagascar 2 and they’ll do anything to get back to their beloved New York. Just a hop skip and a jump away in Monte Carlo the penguins are doing their usual greedy schtick but the zoo animals catch up with them just in time to catch the eye of the sinister animal control stickler Captain Dubois (Frances McDormand). And just like that the practically super human captain is chasing them through Monte Carlo and the rest of Europe in hopes of planting Alex’s perfectly coifed lion head on her wall of prized animals.
Luckily for pint-sized viewers Dubois’ terrifying presence is balanced out by her sheer inhuman strength uncanny guiles and Stretch Armstrong flexibility (ah the wonder of cartoons) as well as Alex’s escape plan: the New Yorkers run away with the European circus. While Dubois’ terrifying Doberman-like presence looms over the entire film a sense of levity (which is a word the kiddies might learn from Stiller’s eloquent lion) comes from the plan for salvation in which the circus animals and the zoo animals band together to revamp the circus and catch the eye of a big-time American agent. Sure the pacing throughout the first act is practically nonexistent running like a stampede through the jungle but by the time we're palling around under the big top the film finds its footing.
The visual splendor of the film (and man is there a champion size serving of it) the magnificent danger and suspense is enhanced to great effect by the addition of 3D technology – and not once is there a gratuitous beverage or desperate Crocodile Dundee knife waved in our faces to prove its worth. The caveat is that the soundtrack employs a certain infectious Katy Perry ditty at the height of the 3D spectacular so parents get ready to hear that on repeat until the leaves turn yellow.
But visual delights and adventurous zoo animals aside Madagascar 3’s real strength is in its script. With the addition of Noah Baumbach (Greenberg The Squid and the Whale) to the screenwriting team the script is infused with a heightened level of almost sarcastic gravitas – a welcome addition to the characteristically adult-friendly reference-heavy humor of the other Madagascar films. To bring the script to life Paramount enlisted three more than able actors: Vitaly the Siberian tiger (Bryan Cranston) Gia the Leopard (Jessica Chastain) and Stefano the Italian Sealion (Martin Short). With all three actors draped in European accents it might take viewers a minute to realize that the cantankerous tiger is one and the same as the man who plays an Albuquerque drug lord on Breaking Bad but that makes it that much sweeter to hear him utter slant-curse words like “Bolshevik” with his usual gusto.
Between the laughs the terror of McDormand’s Captain Dubois and the breathtaking virtual European tour the Zoosters’ accidental vacation is one worth taking. Madagascar 3 is by no means an insta-classic but it’s a perfectly suited for your Summer-at-the-movies oasis.