Given that it has been the worst weekend of his career, Alistair Darling survived in slightly better fettle than he might have expected. He still announces each fresh catastrophe in the tones of a vicar explaining that because of inclement weather the fete will be held in the church hall. As a public speaker, he is the exact opposite of Mohamed Al Fayed — though not necessarily more convincing.

It would be the same if he had to announce the end of the world: "When we were told of a mile-wide meteor heading towards the Earth, we set up a review under the capable chairmanship of some judge or other. I am pleased to inform the house that he has now reported. He makes 37 principal recommendations ..." (Impact, followed by melting of Earth's crust, evaporation of the atmosphere, death of almost all species, postponement of Dancing On Ice finals, etc.)

Mr Darling rose to half-hearted cheering from his own side and some cautious jeering from the other. Tories stayed awake just long enough to laugh when he announced bravely that the arrangement was a great deal for taxpayers, "who will secure the entire proceeds from the future sale of the business". With his gift of looking on the bright side of every disaster, Mr Darling makes Pollyanna sound like a miserable old curmudgeon.

Presented with an easy tap-in, George Osborne managed to miss. He spokewith relish about "the slow, lingering death of Northern Rock and of Britain'sreputation as a fi nancial centre ...

"The prime minister and chancellor have dithered their way to disaster. Hewill never recover his reputation for competence; he is now politically a deadman walking."

It wasn't bad; it just sounded slightly hysterical. And of course the Toriesdon't have a policy of their own — or rather, they have several contradictorypolicies of their own.

So Mr Darling was able to accuse him of "cynical opportunism", which is whatministers always say when they make a dreadful mistake and the oppositionpoints it out.

Vincent Cable is the only politician who comes out of this debacle withmuch credit, and the chancellor was, I suspect, more worried by what hemight say than the frothing opprobrium of any Tory. Admittedly, he does have the harsh, dry voice of a doctor with a regrettable bedside manner. ("Give it to me straight, doc. Am I going to die?" "I'm afraid it's worse than that.")

But that didn't matter. Vince approved (not surprisingly, since he's been calling for nationalisation from the beginning) and Mr Darling could relax a little bit. Though the Lib Dem deputy leader could not avoid giving himself alittle "I told you so" cuddle. When the chancellor got the multimillion poundinvoice from Goldman Sachs, "could he return it with a note saying he hadreceived better advice, free of charge, from me and the Liberal Democrats?"

There was nothing new in nationalising banks, he said — why, even that"loony, leftwing Trotskyite, Ronald Reagan" had nationalised a bank in 1994.

Ronnie Campbell, an old-fashioned leftie, announced that he was going straight down to open a new account in "the People's Bank!" Just in time to see some of the People's re possessions, no doubt, with hundreds ofpeople destitute because they've been thrown out of their homes by the people running the People's Bank.

But it could have been far worse. Mr Darling will survive a little while before the Northern Ireland offi ce beckons.