It has been 7weeks now w/ no contact w/ him, but there does not go a day that I don't think about him, and he will be in my dreams often and I hate that...I also still have his cell number mesmerized in my head, but today I did not call it, I am getting better with that, because I would call his cell phone and let it ring once and hang up..but I know he knows it's me, even though my number is blocked, it erks me to think he gets satisfaction from that, I just have to stop doing that, I don't know why I do it...I can feel the depression coming on and I can feel the tears coming, not a good day for me today. =(

June 6, 20056:50 am

Rasputin

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BS,

Try to distract your attention, do something you like or love, discover your hobbies, come here and vent. I was at this stage 1 year and half ago of calling and stalking a guy I liked. It really bothered me, lowered my self-esteem and the guy even grew colder toward me which evetually made me even more bugged.

Joing that 'No contact Club' is a big bonus, awesome you did that! Keep persevering by changing that pattern with a healthy one. In time the new healthy pattern will simply take over and become a habit. This is what eventaully happened with me as well.
we are here to support you and cheer you on!

Good luck!

Rasputin

June 6, 20057:56 am

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Rasputin,

Thanks for the encouraging words, thank goodness I never stalked him, I guess I do that b/c I know that's a form of contact, and yet he has no way of getting in contact w/ me, I changed my cell ph number cus I know he would be calling and bothering me...but your right I have to distract myself and when I get the urge to call just find something productive to do, thanks again.. =)

June 6, 20058:23 am

exoticflower

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Begining,DO you have some friends who are not into dwelling? I have a friend that always wants to talk about problems, one of those friends taht while very well meaning is simply more interested in the negative. I avoid her like the plague when I am going through these sort of days. I spend a lot more time doing things with groups, it really discourages dwelling--though at the same time I suppose there is risk of stuffing that way...

Wow, you are doing everything right, there's really no advice to give--except of course the dial happy moments. I was doing that for a while at first, and found that if I just imagine him and his frineds or his new ladyfriend laughing about it, or worse still, him doing something I KNOW he does, saying 'oh, look what she dies to me...seh's so crazy'. When I called, even for a moment, I was encouraging that sort of thought about me, and it really helped to remind me that it only supports the false image of me he so desperately creates to feel like a victom.

Don't know if that helps, it really worked for me, at least with that one problem. See you in no contact today, I presume?:) You are doing great, this feelilng sucks, but with time it lessens, I promise.

June 6, 200510:23 pm

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Exotic,

Thanks for that advice, I am taking yours and rasputin's advice both, I have not called yesterday or today and will just continue to distract myself when I feel the urge...yes I do dwell and that's what leads into my depression, but I have gotten alot better about dwelling, do not dwell as much anymore, and I like what you said about the imagining thing that's true and makes sense, I am going on the 8th week w/ no contact and going strong, and by not calling I know I will forget his number in my head cus I don't have it written anywhere.

June 6, 200510:49 pm

exoticflower

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Also, you could try memorizing other numbers even when you get the flash of it in your head...quickly think of your ss number, your best friends number, your dads birthday, what have you--Even memorize the number of restraunts you used to like...it's worth a try to scramble the numbers, anyway.

Good luck, though it sounds like you don't need any, you've got it covered!

June 6, 200511:10 pm

balancesekr

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I agree with exotic, definitely avoid complaining, obsessives. Get around some healthy people, cook a good meal, eat it up, go shopping, get a pedicure.

I had so many dreams about my ex months ago. Totally normal. I dreamt about him every single night for a few weeks in a row it seemed.

You'll get there. The more you fight forgetting, the more you hang on, at least that is what happened to me.

I am trying so hard right now to look at my good memories with my ex and be glad to have them. To look at today as a new start no matter how much the same some things seem, like my inability to move on from things, or to have a good relationship. One day at a time.

June 7, 20052:59 am

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thanks exotic and balance,

Yea, its one day at a time...and as me having it covered..well it has taken a long time to get here, I was always taking him back even though all the times I told him I was done w/ him, and I never wanted to talk to him again..Once he would call and call and apologize and twist the situation around on me, I would eventually give in..but that's why I had to change my number..and this time I think and hope I will make it this time.

June 7, 20056:27 am

Liamo

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Hi. I need some help here too, with this bloody awful urge to call him, even though I know this man is detrimental to my health.I have had all of it the drama, the distancing, the punishing, and I am sick of it, when I do contact him I feel worse,I think they enjoy the fact that you need them to punish you,I obviously did not love myself to stay with this guy for 2 years, now I hate myself even more for wanting him back. ?? I hope its just that I think I do.

June 7, 20051:42 pm

kathygy

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Liamo, please do not hate yourself. You don't desere that kind of treatment from yourself. Find the love and compassion for the wounded child in you that only wanted to be loved. You need your own support now more than ever. You are only human. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved. You hurt yourself by picking the wrong person. Be gentle with yourself and work on creating a loving relationship with you.