Thursday, February 17, 2011

2/17/11- not in denial

i dont think its a coincidence that on the one year anniversary of my first blog entry, is also the day to have my weight and measurements done. i think its divine appointment or in my case, disappointment. its not good news, folks, but i feel compelled to share it with you. since my last weigh-in in november, i have gained 7 lbs. ; a total of 10 lbs. since september. i am angry, disappointed, frustrated and just mad at myself. there is no denial here, i know what the problem is. the decline started in september and i've been gaining since then. we all know that what is going on internally ,typically manifests externally. my emotions and my weight are best friends. sometimes i just throw up my hands and say "forget it!" but i know thats not right. sometimes i feel so motivated and pumped! this is truly an emotional journey, a roller coaster. am i giving up? NEVER!!!!!!! last week, i devised a plan because i knew i had gained weight even before i stepped on the scale today. i feel like a backslider coming back to Jesus. lol. i am re-committing to exercise 5 days a week, to eat more good and less bad AND to remind myself that i am worth it. i cant allow outside influences make decisions for me. i have to press when no one else is pressing. i have to eat the salad when everyone else is eating the cheeseburger and fries. no one can do this for me, but me! i wasnt going to blog about this, but so many of you have encouraged and supported me that i felt like i had to be honest. i apologize if i've disappointed you. saying (typing) this is a great outlet....a catharsis. i will keep you updated....good or bad :)