The Crapbox...Comic books found in the quarter bin or half-off store or the bargain box. The good, the bad and the really ugly. Get ready for a surprise. Updates EVERY Friday and Monday until the Crapbox runs dry. (never happen)

I
gave up a long time ago on keeping up with the gaming world. There came a brief
span of time in the early 90’s when I tried to play the “hot” games as soon as
they were released. No more. I don’t have that kind of time. Haven’t for years.

Know
that one guy that hasn’t finished Arkham Asylum? The Batman game that came out
in 2009? That guy is me.

Sorry,
but the version I have is for the PC and I can’t seem to get past the Bane
part. That dude gets me every single time.

That
means that this issue spoils the end of Batman: AA and I feel a bit bad about
that. Not that it is a real shocker that the game ending is a pumped up Joker,
seen on page one here.

No,
not really a surprise. But I do feel spoiled in knowing how it ended given I
didn’t EARN that knowledge. Here we go anyway.

Joke
was defeated, of course, even in this pumped-up, muscle-bound state. And the
effects of the drugs he took to get to this state have left him much worse for
wear.

He’s
so gravely torn up that he will die long before he can escape again, and the
ravaging effect of the drugs called the Titan Formula have left him to weak to
be a threat to Batman ever again.

Even
as the Joker accepts the bitter irony in his fate, I want to mention that D’Anda’s
art in this book fits both the game and the Batman mythos. I love every panel
of it and seeing how he renders these takes on the classic Batman characters as
vibrant, colorful beings that work in the context of real people is a credit to
his skill. Likewise, with Dini’s scripting and dialogue. I don’t know how many
of these text boxes are lifted from the game, but all of this feels like a great
start to an exciting Batman story.

We
move on to Harley Quinn, acting more like what I expect from her given the
character’s B:TAS origins. I know that DC needs winning female characters and
turning her into an anti-hero like they did Lobo works in favor of all that.
However, to me THIS is the real Harley. She’s a homicidal maniac that would
kill you in the blink of an eye to satisfy a whim of her devoted, abusive
Joker. Trying to justify any turnaround in the character has to somehow address
her mental issues and there’s where a “good-gal” Harley Quinn book falls apart
for me.

Getting
back to our storyline, hearing how bad Mr. J is doing makes Harley vow to save
her beloved psycho.

From
there we head to Mayor Sharp, the former Warden of Arkham Asylum and the guy I
was supposed to rescue in that first game. He appears to be under the mental
control of some shadowy figure showing up on his computer screen. A shadowy
figure up to no good, too.

He
jumps on the air spouting a bunch of political rhetoric about how he’s made the
city safer (he hasn’t) and how he has a plan to keep it safe (he doesn’t, his
master has a plan to take it over). Our reporter Vicky Vale (yay, History!) has
a few words to take the wind out of mind controlled sails.

That
mysterious head-in-a-Skype-window guy also has the Mayor wired for sound, using
an earpiece to feed him instructions.

Jim
Gordon, watching the broadcast, knows the true score though. That’s why he
turns to this man to help.

Given
the task of bringing in these two, Batman starts his search with Two-Face on a
hunch from Oracle that he’d likely be unable to resist hiring them.

After
a brief scuffle with Two-Face’s doormen, Batman confronts the villain face to
face (to face?... Maybe.). Dent decides to play good guy and gives Batman some
friendly information about the pair.

Great.
More Titianized enemies to fight. That’s what I needed. I couldn’t even get
past Bane. I should have saved my money instead of buying that two-pack off
Humble Bundle.

Anway,
Harvey gets some guff from his gang for letting Bats leave unscathed, to which
he answers thusly.

Yes,
yes! Those pesky Trasks are in the process of “Titianing” it up right as the
Mayor gets underway. Note that all of them are puppets dangling from the
strings of the mysterious man we saw earlier on Sharp's computer screen.
Methinks this is all part of a much grander plan.

Batman
doesn’t, knowing only the immediate threat to Mayor Sharp and the collected
journos and crowd. He arrives armed for bear (notice him swooping in way in the
background of the first panel?) and has the Trasks on the ropes.

Which
sadly plays exactly into the puppet-master’s hands.

T&T
live up to their name here…

And
the destruction they cause lays the groundwork for the beginning of Arkham City.
Sharp declares a sort of “Martial Law” in Gotham, walls off a section of the
city and begins…

…a
huge curtail of civil liberties…

And
there you have the intro to the game. I would like to point out that most of
the time I don’t buy into game tie-ins because they tend to be unsatisfying in
how they conclude. It looks as if Arkham City will actually work like a
standard comic with a true arc following the story you get if you play through
the video game. I’m excited for that and since the art and writing meet my
standards for enjoyable, I will pick up more if I find them out there.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

This
book proves how hard you have to work to recap and retcon 50 years’ worth of Batman
history. The Untold series was meant to show a behind the scenes look at the
Bat-mythos with things people didn’t know about Batman. The fact that many of
these things amounted to made up fluff that you didn’t really care about,
notwithstanding.

Oh,
and there was a bad guy in this too. A menacing bad guy with access to Batman’s
secrets. And his reveal this issue has to be seen to be believed.

Let’s
start in with the charred wreck of the Batmobile, sitting in the sub-basement
of the Wayne Foundation in downtown Gotham City. Bruce abandoned the quite
country manor and moved to the Wayne Foundation so he could keep Dick Grayson
near as the young man attended Hudson University. This new Batcave located in a
basement of the building accessible by secret entrances and a private elevator was
the current home of Batman and Robin while they lived on the mean streets of
Gotham.

Except
for the fact that the actual living area in the Wayne Foundation looks to be
stationed on the rooftop of a large high-rise over a city block in size, so
maybe not that close to those mean streets. You can’t expect Bruce Wayne to
actually be THAT close to Gotham streets. They are pretty dangerous.

In
last issue, the Batmobile blew up and now is a tangled heap of melted metal.
Bruce’s mysterious adversary has apparently beaten him again, forcing Batman to
declare war on their mysterious assailant. What else has this enemy done to
raise Bruce’s anger?

Oh,
the original Bat-costume that Bruce’s father wore to that masked ball those
many years ago that might have subconsciously influenced Bruce to decide to
become Batman years after his father’s death. Not truly a retcon, The First
Batman, a silver age tale first saw Thomas Wayne trouncing mobsters while
wearing a Batsuit worn for a masquerade ball, that eventually lead to Thomas’s
own death at the hands a mob enforcer. That story was recount in the Untold Legend
issues preceding this one.

The
loss of that suit and now his car riles Batman up like nothing we’ve ever seen.
He forbids Robin from following or helping him.

Which
appears to be cool with Grayson, as he has an important call to make.

A
call made to this gentleman, fresh out of a car crash filmed for his motion
picture studio…

Meet
stuntman extraordinaire Jack Edison. Edison also holds the honor of
being person who builds the Batmobile each time Batman needs a new one.
Here’s a little on
how that came to be.

To
my knowledge this is Edison’s first appearance and the only recorded history of
Batman rescuing him from his burning car. While the bravery aspect of it seems
like Batman, what the heck was he doing watching a race in his Batsuit?

As
Robin secures a new Batmobile. Batman goes to visit his ears on the
street. Also it appears the this page of Batman will be played by Clint
Eastwood.

As
we mentioned in Batman 322, one of his guys was the aptly racist character
called “Shamrock”. Shamrock holds the record for most Irish stereotypes in a character.

But
what I DIDN’T know was that the writers of the day had given Batman an entire
cast of homeless people each with a unique stereotypical handle. How…quaint?

I’m
beginning to see why some of this Batman Legend is untold. I don’t think I want
to know it all now.

Finding
no leads, Batman heads to Commissioner Gordon’s office, who when you think
about it has to be the hardest working police commissioner ever. The man NEVER
is home at night. He’s always at the office when Batman drops by. Anyway, Jim
Gordon drops some heavy info on Batman.

I
always knew there was something fishy about Alfred. Oh, wait! Not him.

This
interlude does give Gordon a chance to muse after Batman sneaks off about how
his first few encounters with the dark knight detective went.

Jim
admits to a very adversarial relationship between the two which culminated when
finally confronted with the rival crime fighter.

Leading
up to Batman getting away, only to slink back in when Gordon was doing
paperwork. Jim didn’t seem to take the unexpected visit with a very welcome
air.

In
fact, he used the opportunity as an invitation to stay in a jail cell for the
cowled adventurer.

Batman
convinces the commish that they are on the same side. And thus many years have
passed with the two of them working together to end the spree of various
nefarious villains.

And
while the effect he had on Jim was astounding, there was one other who Batman
influenced even more.

That’s
right, Barbara Gordon’s first encounter with Batman was less a meeting than it
was her spying on her Dad at night…

…however,
that inspired young Babs to excel at everything, honing her into the amazing
crimefighter we soon started calling…well, see for yourself:

Gordon’s
mystery guest is Robin, out looking for Batman. I find it odd that Jim knew his
daughter was Batgirl. Is that how it has always been?

Next
up is Lucius Fox, who spins out his own tale to a brooding Bruce Wayne.

Nice
backstory on the character and it leaves Bruce musing alone in his office only
for a startling thought to come about when he sees his own reflection in the glass
window.

Viewing
that reflections leads Batman back to stately-but-abandoned Wayne Manor where
he must confront the ghosts of his past.

Those
are ghosts, right? No? Just memories? Okay, whatever. …where he must confront
the memories of his past. Like saying when he was six that he wanted to be a
doctor.

And
more memories flood back in, like his Dad saying he’d save the bat costume for
him.

It
is all too much for Bruce. Suddenly the walls feel like they are closing in on
him.

Or
maybe the walls ARE literally closing in on him. Really hard to say here
because we suddenly have the answer to who’s been causing all of Batman’s
recent problems. And the answer will SHOCK YOU!

BRUCE
WAYNE!

Yeah,
take THAT reader. Bruce Wayne was trying to kill Batman all along. That makes
sense, doesn’t it. Because why the hell not? And then we get Bruce’s dead Dad
yelling him to never give up and to get out of the rapidly closing tunnel walls
that are only moving in HIS MIND! Man, what a surprise ending, huh!

Okay
book. You win all the WTF’s I have. All of them. Just take them. Take them and
go.

So
Batman is officially crazy. I have to applaud the originality of this concept
while also wanting to facepalm with both hands. Maybe that’s why this ending
has me slapping my face? I don’t know. How do we get Bruce back to being
non-crazy is my question, though? Drugs? Intensive therapy sessions? What will
make him all better again, because I REALLY want to put this story behind me
now.

So
Robin knew he was schizo? No? He just showed up in dressed in Bruce’s dad’s old
Batsuit for shock value? And now Batman is no longer trying to kill HIMSELF?
Make this madness stop please.

Now
all villains fail, so I better define what I mean by that. Captain Boomerang is
a villain that isn’t menacing, scary, or relevant. When you see him on an
issue’s cover or shown on the splash page, almost immediately feel relieved for
the hero of the book. Look at you, Batman. It is a superhero version of a bye
week in football. He’s not a threat. He never successfully does anything.

But
to really understand the character of Captain Boomerang, you have to know his
backstory:

Captain
Boomerang, or George “Digger” Harkness, is Australian.

So
now with his background out of the way, we can get on to dealing with this
issue. Oh! And when I said he had never done anything successfully I was wrong.
He was killed in Identity Crisis, so I suppose we could state that he
successfully got himself murdered.

For
a time his son took over as Captain Boomerang, but he had actual speed powers and a
personality beyond just an Australian accent. DC said THAT ain’t what audiences
are looking for and erased him from the scene after the Blackest Night event, bringing back the
original.

Digger
is a founding member and staple of the Suicide Squad although I’ve never heard
anyone say he’s their favorite part of the team. Mostly I think he’s the guy we
are all hoping will die, but DC knows if they don’t kill him, we’ll keep buying
the issues in hopes he finally bites it. At least that’s what I’m rooting for,
anyway.

It
has to be his weapon of choice. An arrow, you aim that shit at people. But a
boomerang, you kinda generally throw and hope it somehow connects with
something either coming or going. And while Digger, like Green Arrow and
Hawkeye, loads down his ammo with various special gadgetry effects, there is
always the thought in my head that an exploding boomerang that COMES BACK TO
YOU IF YOU MISS YOUR TARGET has to be the stupidest thing anyone has ever come
up with.

Captain
Boomerang is one of the few villains that could defeat himself in a fight, is
what I’m getting at.

Nothing
proves that more than this stained and dogeared copy of Batman number 322,
pitting the dark knight detective against the guy with the accent and the
L-shaped sticks.

We
begin this tale in quite a different place, however, and with this young woman,
who is quite a piece of tail herself.

Yes,
that’s Selina Kyle. She’s either pining for Batman or pining for her days as
Catwoman or perhaps a little of both. Selina factors into our backstory, setup
for next issue.

Our current issue gets its legs underneath it in the bottom two
thirds of the following page, where we travel across the city of Gotham to an early
morning paper delivery truck making its rounds.

When
suddenly a boomerang cuts the string and messes up the stacks. Yeah, unlike the
wording, the boomerang can’t somehow make the newspaper disappear or something.

If
this is Captain Boomerang’s big villainous act, he’s going to have to try a lot
harder to get me to care.

You
know how you can tell you are failing at being a supervillain? When guys
working in delivery trucks attempt to catch you, that’s how.

The
book allows something stupidly ridiculous to happen just to give Digger a
chance at looking menacing.

Try
that in real life, I DARE you.

And
it looks like the main story in this book is slated for five pages because
there’s Batman which means Digger should just give up.

Except
he puts someone else in danger so he can escape. Because he is a big pussy is
why.

Okay!
That’s it. I give up on this story. Batman is totally going to win. Let’s read
something that might have a bit more excitement in it.

Woah!
Green Arrow is patrolling Star City when one of the skyhook cars breaks free.
What is Ollie going to do?

Crap,
there is no way that can hold for long. I sure hope everyone gets out okay.
Ollie better think of a way to keep them calm.

What
do you mean I have to go back and review the rest of the Batman-Boomerang
issue? I don’t wanna! Please, don’t make me? Please!

FINE!

Batman
goes back to his home, which at this juncture in the o’le Bat-timeline was
downtown at a place called the Wayne Foundation. Keep that nugget tucked away
because it will factor into my upcoming review on issue 3 of the Untold Legend
of the Batman. A book I would MUCH rather be reviewing than this one.

Bat-dis
at Boomerang noted. As Bruce goes to shower, he asks Alfred to find out who
owns the Gotham Guardian as they may be Captain Boomerang’s next target.

Meanwhile,
Selina gets some horrible health news.

My
lawyer informs me that I’ve just violated Selina’s rights under HIPPA so I need
for all of you readers to kindly forget everything you saw in that last page.

Digger
explains why he is in Gotham. He is owed some kind of odd Harry Potter money or
something.

Seems,
he invested in the Gotham Guardian and the stock tanked or something. So he’s
here to collect directly from the owner using THIS:

Yes,
that’s the same giant rocket “space-boomerang” he used on the Flash starting
way back in Flash 117 and again in Flash 124 and possibly every appearance
since because what else has this one trick pony really got? Oh, and it has
never ever worked in ridding him of the Flash.

Selina
visits the museum while Captain Boomerang polishes his “weapon” (no, I mean the
space-boomerang not..”his weapon”), and discovers that the ancient Egyptian
clay pots may store the very herbs she would need to cure herself of…whatever
the heck she has that you were asked by my lawyers to forget you know about.

But,
because she isn’t a criminal anymore she can’t seem to lay a paw on them. That
will soon change.

The
book takes a bit of a racist turn as we meet one of Batman’s many “colorful
street people” who acted as informants for him. This one is code-named Shamrock
because he’s a homeless, drunken Irish bum. Or if you want to use less words:
Irish.

He’s
interrupted by news that the owner of the Guardian is none other than Bruce
Wayne’s current business rival, a man he’s never met named…

At
that very moment, Gregorian and his manservant/bodyguard Karlyle (no relation)
Krugerrand (yes, like the gold coin) are in his penthouse when who should show?

You
were hoping I was going to say anyone other than Captain Boomerang. I know. I
was hoping I was going to say that too. *flips through book* Are there any more
of those exciting Hostess stories in this book? No. Crap.

Anyway,
Digger explains how the stock price of Gregorian messed up his finances.
Gregorian tries to explain how the stock market works to Digger. Stops. Has to
start all over again. Stops AGAIN. Starts up a third time. Realizes from the
glazed look in the Aussie’s eye that he still doesn’t understand that the money
from the stock purchase didn’t go to Gregorian.

Luckily
Batman shows up then.

And
in fighting Digger one of those once in million-billion chances happen.

Oh,
don’t laugh. Your skinny butt had so little to do with that…anyway, now would be
the time to kill Batman. Except this is Captain Boomerang, the guy that doesn’t
understand how things like the stock market work. So instead of killing him…

…he
straps him to an overly elaborate and easily escapable deathtrap…

…which
he sets off…

…only
to then notice that it didn’t contain Batman when leaving the ground.

He
was standing RIGHT there! He watched the damn thing take off and failed to
notice Batman wasn’t on it. How?...you know, I don’t want to know. Please just
let this be over?

All
too quickly, it is over. Mainly because I’d like to see Bats beat Digger to
within an inch of his life for being so lame.

Sadly
we check back in on Selina and her desperation and inability to get help from
Bruce has caused her to turn back to a life of crime. I can’t really say I
blame her. And at least next issue sounds interesting. Let’s hope that when
Batman throws Captain Boomerang in the slammer, he doesn’t come back.