Tuesday, April 28, 2015

This student fucking needs to stop, you guys.

Lots of profanity coming your way!

I was watching last Thursday’s The Nightly Show a few nights ago, and a couple of things really upset me. The topic of the evening was the recent slew of female teachers (sweet mother of god, why are there so many of them?!?!?) having sex with their male middle and high school students.

The first thing that bugged me was that the group mentioned the double standard regarding gender and sex with minors, but didn’t really address it in any way except to say that they had no problem with the female teachers in question getting a slap on the wrist for bangin’ their kids, but if it were a male teacher having sex with female students, we should “lock him up” for good. I’m much more bothered by the fact that this double standard exists than by the fact that the guests were being flippant about it; it is, after all, a comedy show.

So here’s the thing. Teachers shouldn’t be fucking their students. Period, full stop, the end. Hey, teachers! I don’t give a shit what gender you identify as. I don’t give a shit if that student is technically of legal consent age. I don’t give a shit if that student isn’t in your class. I don’t give a shit how attractive the student is. And I definitely don’t give a shit if the student came on to you first. Being a teacher means being able to make big girl decisions. You are a trusted authority figure and there is a discernible power discrepancy between you and that student. If you can’t manage to harness the will power to keep it in your pants until the student graduates, then you shouldn’t be teaching.

I recognize teenagers as people with sexual desire and sexual agency, fully capable of making responsible decisions. But I also recognize teenagers as people who are in hormonal flux and generally more susceptible to the power of suggestion than adults are. Something that’s often taught in teacher training programs is that a teacher should never engage in a power struggle with a student when (s)he’s angry because the teacher is the one in charge -- the adult. The one with the power to reward, punish, give scores, and make a tangible impact on the student’s life. I think that concept applies here.

When I was a senior in high school, I was quite taken with a young PE teacher at my school, fresh out of college. I was 18 and he must have been… 23? I wore revealing clothing, flirted with him shamelessly, talked to all my friends about how badly I wanted that guy’s dick in me, and gave him the sex eyes every time I passed him. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I’m very thankful that he never even looked at me inappropriately.

Tying into this, the second thing that irritated me was when Mo’Nique said that she couldn’t fault the male students because boys were just natural horndogs; her exact quote was, “At sixteen, a boy is just looking to get laid; a girl is looking for love.”

FUCK. THAT.

I was stupid horny when I was sixteen. I had sex all over the place and as often as I could, and not only that -- I craved it. I masturbated frequently and fantasized during class. I had a sexual bucket list (anyone remember that 500 question purity test that was floating around the internet in the mid-90s?). This girl was looking for hot sex.

Mo’Nique was trying to say that it’s no big deal if a male student has sex with a teacher because he’s not emotionally invested, but it is a big deal if a female student has sex with a male teacher because she’ll end up hurt. I find this highly problematic because it implies that men have no feelings. And that’s some bullshit. Boys and men want to be liked and wanted just as much as girls and women do. They feel and express love, regret, hurt, and desire. They are as vulnerable as their female counterparts.

There’s a reason teachers call their students their kids. They feel like our children because ideally, we want to protect and encourage them. We want to help them learn, grow, and become amazing adults. We want to foster their curiosity, take care of them when they need help, and be there for them.