Living in the Merde!

Yesterday morning MLP was strolling through the city when we came across this sign!

It was the first sign we had actually noticed that made, what we can only describe as, a statement of hope from La Mairie (local council). It declares

“I like my neighbourhood…I pick up!”

Don’t get us a wrong! We wholeheartedly agree with the first half of the statement. People living in Paris generally do like their neighbourhood…but “I pick up!” Really? That happen’s? C’mon… in Paris? Pick up?

From our observations the natives here certainly pick up…their dry cleaning. Or pick up their kids from school and most definitely we can confirm that they pick up a glass of vin rouge at any given opportunity. They will even pick up their pets to cuddle them or to put them on a chair opposite them whilst they have lunch ( yes folks we have actually seen this in action – and we have evidence!)

But pick up poop! Ooh La La…..no way, José (sic) This is a rare occurrence.

Walking through Paris is – if you are smart – is an eyes down affair regardless of the chance you may have of walking straight into someone. Why? Because the risk of getting your shoes smeared with poop is huge! Alarmingly, the ‘Paris Strut’ that one adopts en route from one location to another, frequently evolves into a game of hopscotch or dodgeball! As one is forced to leap to the left or right in an attempt to avoid the steaming deposits left from these furry four-legged city dwellers, who have been given carte blanche (free rein) to use the streets as their toilet. Leaving a reminder to all who are living in Paris, or indeed visiting, that they too pad their way through this town and are clearly determined not to be ignored!

It’s a shituation (sic) that Paris has become famous for but for the life of us, we have no idea why it has got so out of control! Poop is absolutely everywhere! Le scent de Paris which we have always considered to be Chanel No 5 is fast losing its coveted top spot to the Eau de toilet (sic) of Puppy Poop No 2! – and people – this is NOT good!

The poor parents, pushing their buggies and push chairs through the city! The children whose steady thud on the rues of Paris evolves into an unavoidable squelch leading to a painful cry from them (eww!) as well as their carers who have to clean, bleach and wipe those cute newly stained shoes! Skateboarders lament and god help the blind! C’est merde non? Oui biensure….it is a ‘location’ hazard of epic proportions.

The pooh avoidance technique is varied and we have yet to meet anyone who has truly mastered it – except those who have taken the drastic step to move to another city – Imelda Marcos would not live here! But the onus should not be on the ‘victims’ but the perpetrators of these shitty crimes! Non?

Why oh why do these dog owners not just clean up after their dogs? In a nation of dog lovers surely it is part of the canine code to poop then scoop – it even rhymes! There needs to be some level of training, a three line whip (a force to comply), a penalty of some kind because THIS SIGN (see above) IS NOT convincing! It is simply not working. Yes – the diagram helps a bit – although it is a little confusing – worryingly looks as though some sort of internal is about to take place rather than poop scooping! But regardless it is not translating into reality.

Everyone complains about it and yet nothing is done! We need to take a stand! We should have T-shirts made, placards assembled screaming ‘We are, NOT ‘gonna take this C.R.A.P – Canine ‘Rue Assaulting’ Poop’ We should be lobbying and standing up for our rights to walk the streets of Paris alongside our four-legged frenemies (friends who are also your enemy) without walking in fear and without needing our own poop on shoe scrapers (now there’s a business idea!)

Share the word, Spread the sentiment! Say no to C.R.A.P! So our children can walk in a pooh free zone.

Dog owners even if you own a Shih Tzu – be mindful that most people don’t want to live in one.

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