Now that the furor over Jared Loughner's Tucson shooting spree is subsiding, Arizona's legislature can resume the important work of making sure every citizen has as many guns as possible. What's in the state's "Firearms Omnibus" bill?

Arizona has approximately -1 gun control laws on the books as it is. That's still far too oppressive. The state has done an okay job of arming every citizen with police or military-grade weapons, but the task is by no means complete. Hopefully the Firearms Omnibus bill, which is still marinating in the early legislative process, will bring about the Utopia of every man, woman and child owning a grenade launcher or perhaps an ICBM.

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Take drunk college students, for example. Why don't they carry guns on campus at all times? When there are no guns, no one is safe. This bill would fix that:

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This year, gun-rights advocates hope to push Arizona to the top of the list by passing a "Firearms Omnibus" bill that would make Arizona the second state in the nation to require universities and communities to allow guns on campus and one of 10 that permit guns inside public government buildings such as the state Capitol.

And then — then! — the bill starts to get clever. Really, if this bit of legislative masterwork makes it into law, the federal government should finally give Arizona its long-overdue Lifetime Achievement Award for Comedy and a standing ovation, before promptly selling it to Mexico for $5 and a bucket of toilet water the next morning:

[The law would allow] people to sue if they feel they were illegally stopped from carrying a firearm into a government facility or event. If a person wins the lawsuit and the government agency doesn't pay within 72 hours, the person has the right to seize as payment "any municipal vehicles used or operated for the benefit of any elected office holder" in the relevant government agency.

So in the New Arizona, this scenario would be possible: If a state employee tried to stop you from bringing your semi-automatic Glock with its extended magazine into, say, the state Capitol, the state could make it up by letting you steal an elected official's car. It sounds like the language needs to be strengthened: Once you get the car, you have to drive straight to the nearest gun store, ten feet away.