The future Hall of Famer has decided to start collecting some of the $3-million US he’s owed by the Houston Astros, who signed him to a personal-services agreement in 2004. That may mean he’s finally ready to retire, but it could also mean he’ll extend his pitching career for a smaller base salary.

And sources tell me the Blue Jays are seriously thinking of pursuing both Clemens and his pal, Andy Pettitte. (I wonder if they’ll offer Canadian money.)"

No. Really.

York's connection to reality has apparently been completely severed. Even if some drunk were to spin a yarn such as this, there's no way that you could plausibly a) believe it or b) print it without doing irreparable damage to your journalistic reputation.