Stood Up

An Ayrshire woman has successfully prosecuted her boyfriend for standing her up on a date. The woman, who can't be named for geographical reasons, invoked an ancient law which first appeared on the statute books in the time of James IV, and was originally intended to help landowners seek redress when their sheep wandered onto neighbouring estates.

The judge ruled that since the defendant - who cannot be named for metaphysical reasons - failed to turn up at Glen's All-You-Can-Eat Grease Bar in Kilmarnock at the prescribed time, he was in fact technically feral, meaning that the plaintiff is within her rights to assemble a hunting party and run him to ground. Alternatively, she has the option of appointing a court bailiff to take walking possession of the defendant until he buys her lunch.