He holds the blanky out for me to smell. The last thing I want to do is sniff it. Although I’m not sure what incest might smell like, I’m sure it isn’t a pleasant smell. Not to mention the boys blankies get dragged through everything and are pretty disgusting.

He comes closer, holding out the blanky. I back away.

Me: “What’s incest?”

He rolls his eyes and shrugs, palms up, and lets out an exasperated sigh, like I’m the biggest moron in the world. Then he points. “Incest you dummy ass”

I was laughing too hard to punish him for the dummy ass comment. He was pointing to my incense burner.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

I’m Tydah G That’s Tyler’s response when you ask him who he is. He’s the victim of being given a popular name * gasp * There was another Tyler in his class, Tyler E, who has just moved on to the 4 year old room, leaving Tyler the sole owner of the Tyler moniker in the threes. But Tyler is stuck on being “Tydah G” So my kid sounds like he's in some sort of 12 step program whose name ends in "anonymous"

If you push him, he’ll say his name is “Tydah Gweene”. Ok. It is. Well, close enough. He knows there’s a T in his name. Therefore, if something is labeled “Brett”, which has two T’s, it must also be his. Which can create some conflict. Which I am then required to ref. I’m trying to drill into the little head that his name STARTS with a T. So far, the little head is appearing to be completely solid, with no absorption powers whatsoever. One day it will just click. About the time that I’m completely bald from pulling all my hair out.

Ok, it's not exactly sunny all the time. We have been having our daily afternoon thunderstorms. Which coincidentally sometimes happen in the morning, but only when I have something to do, like buy a particle board based bookcase which would be ruined by water. I swear, everytime I left the house to go but the freakin thing, big black clouds would roll in and smile great flashes of lightening and dare me with rolls of thunder to go ahead and just try to buy the bookcase. Yup, go ahead, make its day.

So, here I am in the Orlando area. My sister drove down with us. The first day of driving was a nightmare. I swear we stopped twice per state, which really sucks since those were the northeastern states are small. Someone had to pee each time. And it wasn't the boys, though I did force them to go each time. Think it might have been the ten gallons of ice coffee we both drank before leaving? Naaaah! We were just pee pee pistons, and the worst thing was we were in separate cars and I didn't have a cell phone or a tin can with string, so we had to blink lights, honk horns and scream obscenities at each other to indicate our need to stop. Other than Tyler complaining that it smelled like poop (exits 14ish-11) and screaming from exit 8 to exit 3 on the New Jersey turnpike, the boys were good.

The second day went smoother. For one, there was no ice coffee, so not nearly as many pee breaks. The boys got bored to sleep by the middle of Georgia. Brett woke up and Jacksonville, spilled water on himself then screamed about it until Daytona, then just occasionally whined about it until Orlando ("I awww wet, Mommy. I awww wet," in his cutest baby voice with his lower lip sticking out)

The next morning, I got the keys to my new apartment. We went to clean it and noticed something odd. Our walls had hair. The painters had just painted the hair of the previous occupants into the wall. This person had kinky curly hair, so it sprung out around the baseboards. It took us half the day to pluck the walls to my satisfaction.

Other than the hairy walls, I really like this apartment. I think this complex is only 3-4 years old. There was new carpet when moved in. The boys remedied that the first day by dumping a coke and punch on it. Tyler has christened the walls with ketchup and Brett has left his artwork on the walls and counters in the second bathroom. They really enjoy the roman tub. They can swim "like fishies!" And make tidal waves. And pretend the floor is the beach, complete with tidal pools. I wonder if the people downstairs have water leaking through their ceiling.

My project for this week is to find the boys a preschool before I go completely insane.