Thursday, December 08, 2011

The Religion of Pieces . . .

Just when you thought that the news couldn't get any weirder, the Egyptian-based news source Bikya Masr reports that ﻿"[a]n Islamic cleric residing in Europe said that women should not be close to bananas or cucumbers, in order to avoid any 'sexual thoughts.'"

Why? Well, because "these fruits and vegetables 'resemble the male penis'" -- though apparently not the female penis -- "and hence could arouse women or 'make them think of sex.'"

Right. We all know just how easily women can be led into thinking about sex. The thought would never occur to men, of course. That's why the cleric "also added carrots and zucchini to the list of forbidden foods for women."

Personally, I would add peanuts, not for their appearance, but because the word "peanuts" sounds too much like "penis." For that matter, the word "penis" sounds too much like "penis" and should also be banned. In the interest of pure thoughts, this blog will henceforth refer to it as "that-thang-that-must-not-be-named." Hmmm . . . or maybe not. A long-handled name like this might make a woman think of "that-thang-that-must-not-be-named." Oops . . . this is getting hard. Um . . . I mean "difficult."

But how is one "to 'control' women when they are out shopping for groceries . . . if holding these items at the market would be bad for them"? Apparently, "[T]his matter is between them and God."

At last, a sensible remark from the cleric! If only he hadn't let himself come between women and God in the first place . . . a point that could be applied to Islam generally.

4 Comments:

In fact, in Italy the "cetriolo" (cucumber) is believed to be dangerous... to male people, and citizens in general. For example, when a new tax is invented, or in case of other economic cons --- like right now.

About Me

I am a professor at Ewha Womans University, where I teach composition, research writing, and cultural issues, including the occasional graduate seminar on Gnosticism and Johannine theology and the occasional undergraduate course on European history.
My doctorate is in history (U.C. Berkeley), with emphasis on religion and science. My thesis is on John's gospel and Gnosticism.
I also work as one-half of a translating team with my wife, and our most significant translation is Yi Kwang-su's novel The Soil, which was funded by the Literature Translation Institute of Korea.
I'm also an award-winning writer, and I recommend my novella, The Bottomless Bottle of Beer, to anyone interested.
I'm originally from the Arkansas Ozarks, but my academic career -- funded through doctoral and postdoctoral fellowships (e.g., Fulbright, Naumann, Lady Davis) -- has taken me through Texas, California, Switzerland, Germany, Australia, and Israel and has landed me in Seoul, South Korea. I've also traveled to Mexico, visited much of Europe, including Moscow, and touched down briefly in a few East Asian countries.
Hence: "Gypsy Scholar."