Domestic Abuse

Topic Contents

Domestic Abuse

Topic Overview

Everyone gets angry from time to time. Anger and arguments are normal
parts of healthy relationships. But anger that leads to threats, hitting, or
hurting someone is not normal or healthy. This is a form of abuse. Physical,
verbal, or sexual abuse is not okay in any relationship. When it occurs between
spouses or partners or in a dating relationship, it is called domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse is also called
intimate partner violence or domestic violence. It is not the same as an
occasional argument. It is a pattern of abuse used by
one person to control another.

Each year, women experience about 4.8 million intimate-partner-related physical assaults and rapes. Men are the victims of about 2.9 million intimate-partner-related physical assaults. It can
happen to anyone, at any age, no matter what race or religion people are, no
matter what their level of education is or how much money they make.

Signs of abuse

Does your partner:

Embarrass you with put-downs?

Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

Control what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?

Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?

Take your money or paychecks, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?

Make all of the decisions?

Tell you that you're a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

Prevent you from working or
going to school?

Act like the abuse is no big deal or is your fault, or even deny doing it?

If any of these things are happening, you need to get
help. It's important to know that you are not alone. The way your partner acts is not your fault. There is no excuse for domestic violence. Help is available.

Domestic abuse and your health

Living in an abusive
relationship can cause long-term health problems. Some of these health problems
include:

Violence can get worse during pregnancy.
Abused women are more likely to have problems such as low weight gain, anemia,
infections, and bleeding during pregnancy. Abuse during this time may increase
the baby's risk of low birth weight, premature birth, or death.

How to get help

Abusers often blame the victim for the abuse. They may say
"you made me do it." This is not true. People are responsible for their own actions. They may say they are sorry and tell you it will never happen again,
even though it already has.

After abuse starts, it usually gets
worse if you don't
take steps to stop it . If you are in an abusive relationship,
ask for help. This may be hard, but know that you are not alone. Your family;
friends; fellow church members; employer; doctor; or local YMCA, YWCA,
police department, hospital, or clinic can help you. These national hotlines
can help you find resources in your area. Call:

The
National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233), or see the website at www.ndvh.org.

The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline toll-free at 1-866-331-9474 or (1-866-331-8453 TTY).

The Childhelp Line toll-free at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), or see the website at www.childhelp.org.

Call 911 Now

Seek Care Now

Based on your answers, you may need help right away.

Call your local hospital, clinic, or police department, or call an abuse hotline.

You may also call 911 .

Domestic violence, also called
intimate partner violence, is a pattern of abuse in
which one person uses fear and intimidation to gain power and control over a
partner or family member. It may involve physical, emotional, or sexual abuse,
such as:

Seek Care Today

Neglect is a form of abuse. It happens
when caregivers do not protect the health and well-being of the person they are
supposed to take care of.

Two common types of neglect are:

Child neglect. This happens
when parents (or other caregivers) fail to provide a child with the food,
shelter, schooling, clothing, medical care, or protection the child
needs.

Elder neglect. This includes failing
to provide an older person with food, clothing, shelter, medical care, and
other basics. Neglect can include failing to pay nursing home or medical costs
for the person if you have a legal responsibility to do so.

Many things can affect how your body responds to a symptom and what kind
of care you may need. These include:

Your age. Babies and older
adults tend to get sicker quicker.

Your overall health. If you have a condition such as diabetes, HIV, cancer, or heart
disease, you may need to pay closer attention to certain symptoms and seek care
sooner.

Medicines you take. Certain
medicines, herbal remedies, and supplements can cause symptoms or make them
worse.

Recent health events, such as surgery
or injury. These kinds of events can cause symptoms afterwards or make them
more serious.

Your health habits and lifestyle, such as eating and exercise habits, smoking, alcohol or drug
use, sexual history, and travel.

Home Treatment

After abuse starts, it usually gets
worse if steps are not taken to stop it. If you are in an abusive relationship,
ask for help. This may be hard, but know that you are not alone. Help is available.
Call:

The
National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233), or see the website at www.ndvh.org.

The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline toll-free at 1-866-331-9474 or (1-866-331-8453 TTY).

The Childhelp Line toll-free at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), or see the website at www.childhelp.org.

If you feel threatened, it is very important to develop a plan
for dealing with a threatening situation. If your partner has threatened to
harm you or your child, seek help.

Anytime you are in danger, call
911.

If you do not have a safe
place to stay, tell a friend, a religious counselor, or your doctor. Do not
feel that you have to hide what is happening.

Have a plan for how
to leave your house, where to go, and where to stay in case you need to get out
quickly. Do not tell your partner about your
plan.

The
National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233), or see the website at www.ndvh.org.

Your local YMCA,
YWCA, police department, hospital, or clinic for the local crisis line or
for names of shelters and safe homes near you.

Here are some other things you can do:

If you are seeing a counselor,
be sure to go to all appointments.

Teach your children how to call for help in an
emergency.

Be alert to warning signs, such as threats or drinking.
This can help you avoid danger.

If you can, make sure that there
are no guns or other weapons in your home.

If you are working,
contact your human resources department or employee assistance program to find
out what help is available to you.

If you are no longer living with a violent partner, contact
the police to get a restraining order if your abuser
continues to pursue you, threaten you, or act violently toward you.

If you have been a victim of abuse and continue to have problems related
to the abuse, you may have depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For more
information, see the topics
Depression and
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder .

If you know someone who may be abused

Here are some
things you can do to help a friend or family member.

Let your friend know that you are willing to listen
whenever she or he wants to talk. Don't confront your friend if she or he is
not ready to talk. Encourage your friend to talk with her or his health
professional, human resources manager, and supervisor to see what resources
might be available.

Tell your friend that the abuse is not her or
his fault and that no one deserves to be abused. Remind your friend that
domestic violence is against the law and that help is available. Be
understanding if she or he is unable to leave. Your friend knows the situation
best and when it is safest to leave.

If your friend has children,
gently point out that you are concerned that the violence is affecting them.
Many people do not understand that their children are being harmed until
someone else talks about this concern.

The most dangerous time for your friend may be when she or
he is leaving the abusive relationship, so any advice about leaving must be
informed and practical.

The most important step is to help your friend contact local
domestic violence groups. There are programs across the country that provide
options for safety, support, needed information and services, and legal
support. To find the nearest program, call:

The
National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233), or see the website at www.ndvh.org.

The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline toll-free at 1-866-331-9474 or (1-866-331-8453 TTY).

The National Center for Victims of Crime is a resource and advocacy
organization for crime victims. The Center provides direct services and
resources, advocates for laws and policies to secure the rights of crime
victims, delivers training and support to victim service organizations,
counselors, attorneys, criminal justice agencies, and other professionals to
help victims regain control of their lives.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
(NCADV)

1 Broadway

Suite B210

Denver, CO 80203

Phone:

(303) 839-1852

Fax:

(303) 831-9251

TDD:

(303) 839-1681

Email:

mainoffice@ncadv.org

Web Address:

www.ncadv.org

NCADV's work includes coalition building at the local, state, regional and national levels; support for the provision of community-based, nonviolent alternatives (such as safe home and shelter programs) for battered women and their children; public education and technical assistance; policy development and innovative legislation; focus on the leadership of NCADV's caucuses developed to represent the concerns of organizationally under represented groups; and efforts to eradicate social conditions that contribute to violence against women and children.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Phone:

1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)

TDD:

1-800-787-3224

Email:

ndvh@ndvh.org (email is not confidential or secure)

Web Address:

www.ndvh.org

The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers crisis
intervention, information about domestic violence, and referrals to local
service providers for victims of domestic violence (men, women, and teens) and those
calling on their behalf. The hotline is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a
year, in English, Spanish, and other languages. The hotline connects callers to
more than 4,000 shelters and service providers in the United States, Puerto
Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

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