a beginner cyclist, either road (especially master's 35+, category 4) or fixie/single speed, distinguished by disregard for rules, laws, codes, safety, common sense, and courteous behavior and an absence of physical fitness.

characteristics specific to master's 35+ racers include rigs equipped with power meters and costing up to $11K and righteously indignant verbosity. characteristics specific to fixie/single speed riders include excessive and inappropriate pride in the willful ugliness of their machines.

primary motivations for acquiring a bicycle are friends or rivals who ride, doctor's orders to lose weight or succumb to chronic illness, feelings of disconnectedness and alienation, and of not being cool enough.

a 35+ road gaper was stopped facing westbound in the eastbound bike lane. he had to wait for southbound traffic to pass in order to cross. i was driving south and executed a right turn in front of him. he started screaming desperately for me to stop stop stop!!! oh dear, how unpleasant.

at 1030 pm was driving eastbound on madison at about 23 mph, 2 mph below the speed limit. i passed a fixie gaper doing about 12 mph with no headlight or tail light. he started screaming and cursing as i went by.