Let me tell you about a playa with a purpose,
Who preys on people who don’t know their worth it,
Worth what you say? Worth being love, respected, and cared for,
Worth having someone who’s there for em’,
Someone who recognizes their value and encourages the same,
One who’s not quick to throw off the blame,
In an effort to take the attention off themselves, pushing their wrong off on everyone else,
Saying “it will never happen again” just to turn around and repeat the sin,
Knowing that you will let them in.

Let me tell you about a playa with a purpose,
Playa’s with a purpose know how to get in your mind,
Making you feel that without them you’re not worth a dime,
They’re there for you when you need them most,
Then turn around and get ghost,
Returning to their playa ways, day after day, play after play,
Only to make you feel like you led the way,
To their indiscretions, those one on one sessions,
With their other boo, who helps make you look like a fool.

Let me tell you about a playa with a purpose,
The funny thing is they don’t know that they’re worth it,
They stick to their playa ways, trying to fill their days,
Because they’re empty inside, too shallow to give up their pride,
So they need you to thrive and make them feel like a king or queen inside,
Why go through all that you say?
Because a playa doesn’t know their purpose,
Most times they walk this world feeling worthless,
They’re projecting the pain they feel inside,
Hoping it will help the hurt subside,
Not understanding that if they only look up they’ll know they’re worth it,
Because their creator holds their true purpose.

I was once a playa with a purpose. I didn’t prey on people (I didn’t seek them out) but I didn’t stop them from coming my direction either. I tended to attract people who were like me…hurting and insecure. Since I had been hurt so much before, I guarded myself to make sure it never happened again. However, I learned to play on the insecurities and vulnerabilities of others. I learned to make them feel like I was all they had. I was there for them when they needed me; a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a home girl. They were so blind because I gave them that one thing they never felt before, unconditional love. I didn’t judge them or make them feel less than like everyone else in their life. I lifted them up, became their cheerleader and made them feel like they were on top of the world. It was me and them against the world, so they thought.

Once I got into their heads and had them where they looked to me more than they looked to God (yep I was an arrogant one), I knew I could do anything I wanted…and for the most part I did. I knew if I kept them in the clouds they would be blind to and accept what I was doing. I called them my main and had my play things on the side. I made my own money but never had to spend it because they wanted to do everything for me…and I let them. I made them feel guilty for my mistakes and somehow always blamed everyone but myself. I was a user and abuser who played the victim card for so long that I didn’t realize that I had become the perpetrator. I was doing the exact same thing I thought I was guarding myself from. Although it was in different form, I was inflicting the hurt that I was trying to avoid. I felt like since I was being open about my indiscretions it gave me license to do as I please because honesty is the best policy right? Ha! I guess I should have started with myself.

I learned from childhood how to mask my feelings and not feel emotions so I didn’t understand why they were so upset once they came out of the clouds. Although I knew once the blinders came off they might despise me, I continued on in “my ways”. It wasn’t until someone I (surprisingly) opened my heart to was in my face crying and yelling “what kind of monster are you?” it clicked for me. Me, a monster? That’s what I called the people who hurt me. How can that be? I wasn’t doing what they did to me, so how can I be a monster? I mean what they did was waaayyy worse, so how can I be a monster? I was already at a point of struggling to look at myself in the mirror because the people I was hurting turned out to be really good people. However, hearing that person and for the first time (in a long time) feeling their hurt made me take a long, hard, honest look at myself.

I was a habitual cheater who didn’t know my worth. I enjoyed the pedestal I lived on and the ability to control people’s emotions because after all I had to get to them before they got to me (so I thought). I had to recognize my value and fight against every negative word spoken to me. I had to learn not to allow the words of others to define me. I had to learn to deal with my hurt rather than inflicting it on others. I had to learn that hurting others was not the way to make myself feel better. I had to learn to take responsibility for my actions and stop blaming the hurt from my past for present decisions.

I’m still a work in progress and far from perfect but I’m working. I’m thankful that I’m not who I use to be. I encourage everyone to recognize their value and be your best. It is an everyday process, so do not give up when it doesn’t change overnight. When you recognize your value, the way you walk, talk, and conduct yourself changes. What you allow in your life changes. Who you allow in your life changes. Look over your life and the company you keep. If your decisions are not adding value to your life, change them. If you “friends” are causing more harm than good, love them from a distance. Life is too short to waste it on foolishness. Live your best life because after all, you only live once so make it a good one!

Respecting a persons opinion or belief does not mean that you subscribe to their ideas and philosophies. We were created differently for a reason and I tend to believe it is so we can learn from each other. I have come across “interesting” people in my life and oftentimes did not see or understand their significance until later. It is amazing how the words spoken to me (even when I didn’t understand or agree at first) flood my mind when I need them most.

As a teenager I dealt with self-esteem issues and I would hear the words of my grandma “God don’t make NO junk!” over and over in my head. At times, it snapped me out of my moments and helped me regain focus. I will admit I rolled my eyes as a teenager when she said it but now I get it and find myself repeating it to my children.

When my daughter was a toddler, a lady from my uncles church said to me “when you see a gift in her, invest in it.” I’m pretty sure I looked at her crazy but I heard her. I had an opportunity to speak with the woman in April and reminded her of the “nugget” she gave me. She didn’t remember but appeared shocked that I did. This wasn’t a lady I spoke with often or spent much time with but I remembered what she said so when I recognized my daughters gift to dance, I began to invest.

Sometimes it’s the simple nuggets people drop here and there that can change our perspective. The simple nugget this woman dropped on me has been invaluable especially as I watch my daughter excel in her craft.

My best friend, whom I call “coach” carries a wealth of information. I use to wonder how she knew so much but I started to pay attention. She is a woman who observes, listens, and takes notes of the people and things around her. Although she doesn’t have children, she came to me with information for my son that pushed me to get over myself and has helped our family tremendously. How did she know? By listening, observing, and taking note of the people around her. I could have pulled the “you don’t have kids, why should I listen to you” card, but when I stopped, observed, and thought about it I realized she was right. She gave my son and I one of the greatest gifts in the world by simply speaking up. That moment taught me to not allow a persons circumstances deafen my ears.

Throughout the years, I have learned not to limit myself to receiving from those who appear or I deem successful. In all things, we must open our minds and remain teachable because we never know where our help will come from. I challenge everyone to look beyond a persons circumstance and just listen. God has a sense of humor and that one person you thought could never teach you anything may be the one person who delivers the message you need. Oh yes, and as always…pay it forward.

You never know how your progress will help someone remember who they are. Recently I was given the opportunity to re-connect with an old friend. This woman knew me as a teenager and saw me at my worst, however she never stopped loving me. She was highly influential to me as a teenager and young adult because of her unconditional love and heart towards young people. Our worlds divided after much drama (outside of me) that hurt her tremendously and broke her spirit. Every time I saw her she would have this glow but after the drama the few times I talked to her, it wasn’t there.

Anyway, I went to her house in December to say hello. We played cards, laughed, and talked as if no time elapsed. Last month I invited her to my house to hang out. We started talking, then I paused to listen beyond the words. As I listened, I realized that although she was hurt and much was taken from her, the passion and love for young people was still there. She expressed how proud she was of me and few other young people she dealt with. Also, how seeing me and another young lady recently made her realize how influential she was and in short, realize that dealing with young people was more than a passion but her calling. She also realized that touching the lives of young people can go beyond the church doors. I expressed to her how she influenced me as a teenager and most of all, loved me through my mess. I also took that time to apologize for the chaos I caused. Although I cannot change the past, I am big enough to admit when I was wrong.

Many people say they care about young people but only few are willing to step out and do something about it. This woman did everything in her power to reach young people but not only did she reach them, she was effective and the results were/are long lasting.

I began thinking and realized that sometimes we allow life to deter us from our passions and callings. Some of us were trained to put so much faith in man or leadership that we lose sight of where our gifting’s and callings come from. We allow “people” to dictate what we can do, who we can reach, and what format our gifting’s should be used. Reaching people has to stretch beyond the church doors and when we fail to recognize that we become people who are simply (as my sister says) “sucking up air.”

Although this woman and I use to attend church together, the most influential moments I remember were outside of the church house. She taught and showed me how to love people unconditionally through their faults; how a smile and hug that we perceive as simple can brighten a person’s day; how to speak up for myself when something’s not right; how to follow my gut and not the crowd; how to serve others with the right motives; and how to encourage people even when they are acting like idiots.

Re-connecting served a dual purpose. She could see some of the fruits of her labor and see how much of positive influence she truly is. I was reminded of what a pure, genuine heart of love looked like. Also, no matter what we experience in life never allow it to destroy our passion and deter us from our calling. Everyone will experience hurt but no one or nothing is worth losing yourself over. So get up, dust yourself off, and like Mufasa said in The Lion King “remember who you are.”

What happens in that moment when everything you believe in is tested? When the statement God won’t put more on you than you can bear feels hard to believe because what you are experiencing is breaking you down? When you are left to wonder “God why me?” or “God why them?” When you love and care about someone so much that you want to drop everything to go make sure they are okay. When you hear news that make your heart drop to your feet? I have so much running through my mind trying to make sure my next step is the right step. Do I go or do I stay? Do I make an unpopular decision or do I avoid confrontation? No matter how much you prepare for life changes the reality is, you’re never ready. My best friend was given a diagnosis that caught us off guard. He and I thought we were prepared and now that we are faced with the challenge our foundation is shaken to a point of fear, uncertainty (him) and numbness (me). Although I was in a similar place not to long ago, I hurt for him because I just want to see him happy and whole. So what do you do?

What I learned from my experiences….sickness and disease are just a name and only have the power you give them. Your attitude determines much; The people around you determine much. During my time of challenges I had to change the people around me and surround myself with positive people who believed what I believed even if I had a moment of weakness. I surrounded myself with people who would not allow me to have self-pity and pushed me to focus on the positive. Although it was difficult at first, I eventually figured out that the negativity within myself was prolonging the process and causing me more pain. Once I changed my attitude and believed that what I was facing was not the end of me, healing took place. My mother would call it faith and now that I think about it, it was; believing things as though they were. When I didn’t have anything left I would say “all things work together for the good…” When I started to get scared “all things work together”. When the doctor told me something I didn’t want to hear “all things work together”. When I wanted to give up “all things work together”. When it looked like I wasn’t getting better “all things work together”.

Point being, when we are shaken it’s hard to remain focused at first. However, when we can see things through a positive light or as my mother would say “as God sees them”, it brings about a certain peace. Challenges will happen in life but what matters is how we handle them. Will we allow the fear to swallow us alive or will we step up in faith, change our attitude, and fight. I choose to change my attitude and step up in faith, what do you choose?