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Ready Player One – A Spoiler Heavy Nerd Rant

As with most adaptations, not I did not read the book, as a good film adaptation should be able to stand on its own merits. That being said, I liked Ready Player One but…

How did Wade not realize Ache is a girl? I don’t care what the avatar was, she sounded like a girl the whole time.

Samantha thinks she’s not attractive because of the birthmark over her eye. On what damn planet has she been living on where she is not getting 13 DM’s a day, birthmark and all?

Yup… total nightmare… #MovieLogic

Seemingly every damn person on the planet is linked into the Oasis. Our 5 lead (never having met before in the real world) live within a 5 block radius of each other. What are the damn chances on that?

How is Simon Pegg the librarian? Wouldn’t that mean that he is signed in at all times, never sleeping, always ready to help whoever look at some digital evidence?

Did Halliday upload his actual brain into the secret level of the Oasis? I mean, they play coy about it, but NO. You yet again may have invented some life altering shit, but NOW you are going to keep it to yourself in the afterlife? Selfish bastard!

How do you move in the Oasis? Like, some people have omnidirectional treadmills. Some people have to run up and down the actual street. How have there not been waves of accidents of people running face first into their walls at home, or into traffic?

Sorrento gets hit in the balls in the Oasis in one of those “I can feel everything” virtual suits. The crotch of the suit can be removed. Why the fuck would you ever wear the crotch of the suit. You are asking for testicle related pain incidents.

Also, how do you enter and exit the Oasis. Sometimes you can just take your visor off and BOOM, you’re out. Other, more plot convenient times, there are specific portals and shit you have to get to.

Look, maybe I missed something in the 1500mins of opening narration about ethics and code of conduct, but how is no one racist in the Oasis? Like, people don’t even use their real names whatsoever, even with folks they consider their close friends. You can’t tell me there wouldn’t be one Hitler avatar… or at very least Red Skull. Play 5 mins of Call of Duty on X-Box Live… some 12 year old in Denmark will call you some shit that would make Deadpool embarrassed.

Continuing on that notion: It’s sort of weird that it never crossed Wade’s mind that Art3mis might not be a random hot chick. In the same future and landscape where anyone can be anything, he didn’t think for a MILLISECOND that Art3mis could have been his high school math teacher.

Everyone seemed overly impressed that the last challenge was streaming… I guess Twitch is not a thing in 2045.

Can multiple people not have cool fancy avatars? Like, it feels improbable that we didn’t see multiple Harley Quinn’s running around… like when you picked your favorite fighter, but then your little cousin picks the same guy, so he get the version with the off color costume.

#EndRant – Look, I don’t want to dog the movie. It was beautiful and fun, but stuff like what I’ve listed prevented me from staying fully locked into the world. Def worth a watch (in 3D if possible), but I’m limiting my recommendation to specific peoples!