Over the last few years, I’ve seen many a rejection letter. I’ve gotten them myself when querying, or applying for internships and jobs. I’ve also written them in regards to all sorts of submissions. And you know what? Neither is enjoyable. Nobody likes to open their email to find a pile of rejection letters that have stacked up over the course of a few hours’ sleep. Also not enjoyable? Having to tell someone their work isn’t right for you. I like to think I’m a nice person, so I really hate having to tell people their material isn’t good. You have to be honest, but as we all know, the truth can sometimes hurt, and nobody wants to be the one doing the hurting.

Here’s the thing, though. In my time working in publishing, I’ve seen many an author act before they took the time to think things through. It’s resulted in some incredibly embarrassing emails on their part, and frustration on mine. And every other intern/assistant/agent/editor out there, for that matter.

So here’s what I propose — some handy dandy step-by-step instructions on how to handle that rejection letter.

If you didn’t catch my subtle hints, I’d suggest not responding to rejection letters. Make a note on your chart that someone passed and move on. The worst thing you can do is to write a response that’s mean-spirited, condescending, judgmental, and angry. You’re giving the person you queried yet another reason why they shouldn’t work with you, not to mention the fact that you’re giving yourself a bad name. People talk, and if you make a big deal out of one lousy rejection letter, it’s fairly likely that other people are going to hear about it and won’t be so interested in working with you. Publishing’s a relatively small community, and trust me, word gets around.

The only time it’s really acceptable to respond is to send a quick note thanking the person for their time, especially if you met them in person, they gave personalized feedback, or you were referred to them by someone else (ie: one of their clients). Aside from that, it’s best to just move on. A lot of agents have interns who handle their email, so chances are they may not see that response you send anyway. Unless it falls under the category of majorly unprofessional, in which case I can guarantee they’ll see it.

So, when it comes to professionalism, the bottom line is you need to maintain it at all times. Even when you’d rather not, it’s always best to think before you speak.

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A former agency intern and lit mag manager, Sammy Bina is now the literary assistant at N.S. Bienstock in New York City. In her free time she’s busy rewriting her YA novel DON’T MAKE A SCENE. She tweets a bunch and has a new blog, which you can visit here.