The Quokkas are an internationally franchised drinking team with a cricketing problem
Renowned for our fearsome lack of fear on the cricketing pitch, we bring our unique brand of sporting ineptitude and enthusiasm over ability to the ovals of our opponents

The three wise men came from the East(ern suburbs) in search of the new-born Messiah. The found something better on Heidelberg Road near the Clifton Hill overpass where they witnessed the advent of cricket incompetency as the Quokkas once again conspired to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The three were last seen holding a snag in bread and a can of Melbourne Bitter, gazing into the western evening sky and talking about a Rev?

Having opted to field in order to give opposition (the hated Dan!) a chance to find a spare public BBQ amongst the families and Xmas parties in Fairfield Park the Quokkas bowlers continued in the same wicketless way that they had finished the previous game. The opening pair of Bad Boy and Rev were accurate and although Radar and Mo gave away very few runs no early poles were disturbed. Marty made the breakthrough but the Dan were 1-60 at the drinks break.

There were a few choice pieces of advice given over the course of the day including ‘More catching & less drumming’ for our ARIA nominated muso. But the one that got the Quokka fielders chortling most was the classic piece of own team sledging from the Dan team mate umpiring at square leg to a hesitant batsman contemplating a single ‘RUN, you f**khead!’

Rowdy bowled beautifully and picked up a couple for his efforts whilst supersub Emu and J-Bomb took one each. But a few dropped catches combined with the sluggish effort in the field gave the general feeling that we really hadn’t done our best. Nevertheless, the consensus at the break was that a total of 6-147 could certainly be chased down if we could just keep our heads and bat sensibly.

Yeah, about that……

Emu and Radar got us off to a flying start and after 6 overs we had 51 on the board. A clatter of wickets followed with Emu (slogging having just got to his 30), Dutchy (quack, quack) and Rowdy (he can actually bat!) being most culpable. J-Bomb and Big Dog steadied the ship at 6 down without troubling the scorers too much and then a 46 partnership between Curto and Big Dog was a combination of good luck and Curto sneaking singles by yelling at BD to ‘Push, Harder, Push’. Perhaps the heavily pregnant Mrs Rev could benefit from such sage advice!

We ran out of overs at 9-136. So Big Dog maintains his 100% loss record as captain but back at the pub had a grin as wide as the Cheshire Cat with his previously unheard of accumulation of 35 runs unbeaten. A triumph of stubbornness over ability but alas, too little too late to stop the Quokkas sliding into the holiday season with an 11 run defeat. Actually back at the pub we found we didn’t hate the Dan at all and they are a great bunch of blokes in the spirit of Yarra pub cricket.

But what a story Curto had to tell on the Monday morning when his work mate posed his regular enquiry of ‘Ahhh, So how did the Big Dog go yesterday?’

In a year in which the Quokkas have been in the eye of paid journalists in all places from Serbia to Melbourne, spreading the good word of social cricket and its benefits, the tabloids have once again been muck-raking out the back of Quokkas HQ and come up with the following story to cast doubt on the LiV Quokkas incumbent B&F: Bad Boy.

After fielding arguably their strongest team yet and hitting a blistering 155 in the first innings of their last game, the Quokkas were unable to defend the total, only taking 1 wicket for the match.

If ever there was a reason to get angry and attack the sticks it is this: a match against their mortal and bitter and mortal enemy – The Dan O’Connell. Some Quokkas may fondly remember the last time these two mortal and bitter and mortal enemies locked horns, with only the opening of the heavens saving the Dan from an inevitable Quokka victory and nudey run around the boundary. Thank god for rain.

This game also presents the Quokkas with the ability to go into the xmas break with a 50:50 record and a nice victory to talk endlessly about on the 25th.

Form Guide:

Quokkas: W-LL

Watch out for:

§ Big Dog – Big Dog is Captain for this game. The Big Dog was instrumental against the Dan in last years game, taking 2 key wickets. He is also only 8 runs away from 50 career runs with the Quokkas;

Team News:

§ For the first time this year, there are no debutants and plenty to choose from;

§ Following on from the confusion, consternation and general contemplation of the score last week, we welcome back our beloved Sarina to take care of the mighty pen;