Parent Traps: Gadgets, games can be stimulating — but only in the right amounts

My son’s 10th birthday just passed this last weekend, and I pulled out all the stops to create and organize an entire backyard carnival party for him and his friends. I spent a fortune renting all kinds of games and picking up prizes for them, and ordering a half-ton of desserts.; When Saturday came, his entire class plus half of the neighbourhood showed up, and the weather could not have been more in our favour. So imagine my surprise when, a mere 30 minutes into the party, I heard the familiar whine of “I’m borrrrred. What can I do?” coming from not just my own son’s mouth, but from those of a handful of our young guests.

I responded with the same turn of phrase my own mother used to use on me: “You can go have fun. … That’s what you can do!” This somehow translated into “Go inside and play Call of Duty” by the time it reached my son’s ears. That is in fact where I found him and about seven of his friends 20 minutes later, holed up in our family room playing war games on the Xbox.

Despite frustration for the work I put in to the party, my concern is for the implications of their being so young with such a deep-seeded reliance on technology for excitement. It’s like they were blind to all these wonderful stimulants around them in real life, and I have to worry: will they do this in the future, in their relationships, their jobs? What are the effects of this incessant quest for instant gratification on their as-of-yet undeveloped brains?

Floored by a Hoard of Bored Kids, West Vancouver

YOUR TWO CENTS

I am really appalled by the escalation that kids parties have taken recently. I’m not sure if parents aren’t partly to blame for the boredom?! When I was a kid, it was a standard format: musical chairs, cake and ice cream, opening presents, and then just tearing around the yard or basement. And we were happy with that!

Marge, Vancouver

I too am a mother of a 10-year-old and a seven-year-old, and I am very concerned with the reliance on technology during “play dates.” I am often shocked by visiting children who approach me and moan about being bored. We are grateful to have a yard with a treehouse, monkey bars, and basketball hoop, and rooms with buckets of lego, games, and other toys. STILLLL, I have visiting children moaning and begging to play Wii for the full two hours, and complaining to me about the poor selection of video games. I plan on sticking my ground in my own home in regards to limiting technology as the only source of entertainment. I want my children and their friends to be active, creative, and make eye contact during their social times. Although, I am concerned about how severely it will constrict my children’s social circle. Thank you for covering this issue.

Theressa, Vancouver

I made the mistake of letting my five-year-old play with my iPad one day to get her out from underfoot while I was cleaning, and now, I can barely get it back! I restrict her usage to educational games, and am pleased with her learning improvements — but we go through almost daily pleadings to upgrade on what start out as “free” apps.

Meaghan, Coquitlam

I often joke with my 17-year-old daughter that I haven’t seen more than the top of her head since her 12th birthday. You aren’t alone in your quest to turn your kids away from their screen(s) of choice. The only answer in my parental playbook is rules, rules and more rules: No phones at dinner time, no Xbox after dinner, no texting after 10 p.m. — and a spot on her Facebook friends list!

Mark, Vancouver

I think you are correct in nipping this in the bud while your son is younger. Technology usage is a daily battle in my home. I’m a software developer, so I never thought of imposing limits on any electronics. My son just graduated from high school and has spent the whole summer, and now most of September, in front of the Xbox.

Dan, Penticton

I can’t help but think the battle over cellphones is much like my parents trying to get us away from the Atari as kids. The instant gratification, “shiny penny” draw of technology can be hard to compete with, but limiting hours of use (for everyone in the family), and not using gadgets as a white noise distraction can help. Let them be bored sometimes, it can work wonders for the imagination.

Maria, Vancouver

MICHELE KAMBOLIS SAYS

What effects technology’s ever-expanding role has on our brains is a hot topic for every parent and educator.

The numbers of young techies are staggering: 20 per cent of children aged three to eight have their own iPod Touch, and 24 per cent of the same age group own an iPad. By age nine, eight per cent have their own iPhone. For teens, these numbers run significantly higher.

There are almost as many opinions on whether iGadgets and gaming support or hinder the developmental and learning needs of children as there are gadgets themselves. Still, in both home and school settings, technology has taken over a large part of leisure and learning.

We know the brain remains in development until one’s mid-20s — with critical frontal lobe functions such as judgment, empathy, executive functioning and emotional regulation being very last to form. Brain scientists warn that overexposure to technology, which rewards and reinforces underuse of this region, may potentially interfere with the last growth phases of the brain.

Add to that constantly dividing the brain’s attention between two or more tasks comes at a cost: degrading the overall quality of the brain’s ability to learn by diminishing performance and detail recollection — reviving the old saying that warns against going “a mile wide and an inch deep.”

To add to the alarm, the immediate impact of gaming (especially the violent version) includes an increase in blood pressure, heart rate and a decrease in oxygen — the body actually believes it’s in peril.

How that all translates into a child’s day-to-day wellbeing varies, but you’re certainly describing some of the more concerning repercussions — a shutdown in interpersonal connections, inability to self-entertain, and difficulty tuning in to self.

How does a family counteract that? Take a three-pronged approach: First, set clear limits about total time spent on gadgets, game consoles and computers; second, keep rooms gadget-free and create a specific space for usage; third, curb excessive use of technology by crowding it out with other interests.

To complement these boundaries, stock up on non-tech items like art supplies, sports equipment and board games, and coach them to regard these as feasible fun for themselves and their friends. Do model a healthy relationship with your devices by unplugging them occasionally.

Technology can be a great tool to promote and enhance a child’s cognitive development, but, like other great things, can turn damaging within the wrong modes of use. Before you toss the Xbox, embrace and enforce limitations — even if it means parking your cellphone and chilling out with a board game.

NEXT WEEK’S PARENT TRAP

I’m writing about an issue that increasingly shows up in my classroom and, quite frankly, infuriates me. Many of my students cannot focus or manage in the class, not because they have ADHD or a learning problem, but because they simply haven’t had enough sleep. When I ask one of my yawning eight-year-old’s what time they hit the hay, they either can’t remember or admit to having a 10 p.m. bedtime. I simply don’t understand why highly educated parents do not have the common sense to know the impact of sleep deprivation on learning. I understand that parents often have to work long hours to live in this very expensive city, and consequently bed times get pushed later and later. But, beyond sending home notices educating parents about the necessity of healthy amounts of sleep, what do you recommend I do?

Troubled Teacher, Vancouver

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Parent Traps: Gadgets, games can be stimulating — but only in the right amounts