I am new here and looking for support. Found out about hubby's 2-year emotional affair in the Spring. He is getting individual counseling - he has many self-destructive traits. We are in a high stress situation, looking after his mother who has dementia in her home. What I find troubling - after the initial shock - is the lack of trust I feel and also what seem to be waves of distrust and grief on my part - where I don't know if I will ever be able to trust him again. He had been somewhat of a womanizer before I found out about the affair - so it was like lots of little infidelities, and then with the emotional affair he finally admitted he was wrong and wanted to be a different man. He had always made excuses before. Any suggestions? We are working on staying in the marriage.

Married 10 years, together for 15
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 228 | Registered: Nov 2013

LosferWords♂ 30369Member # 30369

Posted: 12:58 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013

Hello, and welcome to SI, KatyDo.

I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but I am glad that you found us.

Trust takes a long time to rebuild, and requires consistent actions on the part of your husband. What types of material has he read? One common recommendation is "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald.

Another item that might be helpful for him is a post in the Wayward section of this site, called "Things that every WS needs to know", located here:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=324250

If your husband doesn't know about SI, you can always copy the text from that post into a Word document and print it off for him to read.

Another resource for you, that you might find helpful is the Healing Library in the upper left of this screen.