When looking for love, it's a good idea to know just what it is you're looking for. Here, I do exactly that by writing letters to my ideal lover, a hypothetical person out there who's waiting for me to find him as much as I'm waiting for him to find me.

March 2007 Archives

March 4, 2007

Love means getting hurt

Dear Lover,

The past couple of weeks have reminded me that sometimes, love involves pain. All the fairy tales in the world have done us a terrible disservice by lying to us about this stark truth. So many of us -- myself included at times -- go through life hoping that when we find true love, we will enter into the realm of happily ever after and never feel the pangs of heartache or sorrow again. So when we discover this lie for what it is, we often assume we've done something wrong.

I know better than this, Lover. True love will always involve heartache and pain. This is because we live as imperfect humans in an imperfect world, doing our best to share our lives and our hearts with one another. Mistakes are always made, and our openness and vulnerability allow those mistakes to wound us. To deny that fact is to deny our very nature and the very nature of love. This is especially true for someone who loves so freely and openly, someone like me.

But here's the thing, Lover. I wouldn't have it any other way. Long ago, I discovered that if there truly is love in my heart, then any pain that comes as a result is precious. After all, that pain is a sign that I truly am loving freely, and that is the greatest gift that I could ever give myself. It's also the greatest gift I could ever give you, and I will cherish that gift, even with its thorny downside, with every fiber of my being.

I want you to really think about that, Lover. I want you to allow it to sink into the depths of your soul, and find the freedom that this offers you there. I know you're not perfect. I know that you will do things that will hurt me from time to time, no matter how thoughtful and caring you are. And while I don't want you to use this fact to be intentionally thoughtless and uncaring, I don't want you to be afraid of making those mistakes along the way. Because in the end, I will cherish even the mistakes we both make along the way. I will look at my tears I shed as we walk together, and count them as gold.

March 24, 2007

Emotional Courage

Dear Lover,

The last week or so, I've been rediscovering something about myself. I've rediscovered that I'm an astoundingly intense person. Everything I do or say, I tend to put the full force of my heart and soul behind it. This means that every aspect of my life is filled with passion and intensity, burning just below the smooth surface, plainly obvious to anyone who wishes to look closely.

I've begun to realize that such intensity can be rather intimidating to a great deal of people. After all, we tend to live in a world that prefers to keep things light and superficial. And the level of intensity that I generate is antithetical to that preference. This is especially true when you consider that my openness and intensity tends to evoke similar reactions in those around me. To be honest, I think that response frightens a good many people more than my own intensity. It's one thing to see that in another person, but it's quite another to experience it in your own life.

I realize now, Lover, that you will need to be a truly emotionally courageous man. You will need to be the kind of guy who can look into the smoldering fire in my eyes and not back away. You might flinch, and you might even have to take a step back to prepare yourself from pressing on. But in the end, if our love is to work, you will press on. You're the kind of person that will be able to look within yourself, find the strength to face both what you see in my eyes and whatever it may evoke from your own heart and soul. After all, that is what attracts you to me, as well as what attracts me to you.