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TSM Episode 445: Final Fantasy VII 20th Anniversary

In a Labour Day holiday podcast, Lusipurr and Adeki sit down to reflect upon the first experiences with Final Fantasy VII following its launch on the Sony Playstation, two decades ago, on 7 September, 1997, before Lusipurr recites the Banjo-Kazooie poem.

The text of the poem follows below in full.
The poem is the result of a reward in the Lusipurr.com Summer Donation Drive 2017.
For more details, view the original contest page.

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My Banjo-Kazooie ExperienceA Poem for Corrine
By Lusipurr

You made me play this piece of shit
And of course you knew that it
Would fill me quite with rage.
But what I did not know was that
You’d seek instead me to distract
From finishing a stage.

So when you insisted I should do
Things impossible, at once I grew
More than a little cross.
And when I asked you to desist,
You did not obey, but did persist,
And suffered quite a loss.

I banned you from the chat direct,
Though knowing you should soon object
I found I did not care.
For once you left, I in this game
Proceeded far and overcame
Each challenge I found there.

The music was quite bad, it’s true
With sound effects taped at the zoo,
And turned into a Rap.
As for the graphics, let’s not halt
At low-grade textures, camera fault,
And lots of other crap.

There was no plot I could divine,
But honestly, for me, that’s fine,
It matters very little.
No script written could possibly
Salvage that monstrous catastrophe
So threadbare and so brittle.

Yet I learn that they have made
(Despite the force of this tirade)
A new HD remaster.
This shall I to you for Christmas send
(Please do not fold, spindle, or bend)
Priority mail, or faster.

May it give your holiday
As much as it gave me that day
When I reached the final goal.
By which I mean, I hope that its
Receipt causes fam’ly-wide shits
And lack of toilet roll.
And a very sore butt-hole!

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8 Comments

It was nice to hear Lusipurr’s first experience with FFVII. My first 2 games for PS1 were the same, and the third was Tactics – what a time! Although I don’t remember if I got the PlayStation for Christmas ’97 or my birthday ’98. Is the PS4 remaster of FFVII significantly better than the original? And pardon me if I missed it, but do you know approxinately what time of day you’ll be streaming the VI teleplay?

@Tanzenmatt: Approximately noon-ish (US EDT) on Saturday, subject to a variety of technical hurdles we have to overcome. Subscribe to us on Twitch and (provided you have notifications turned on in your app) your app will notify you when our stream goes live!

@Lusipurr: My best time on Fridays is from noon til 2, then I work until midnight. I doubt you could do that. I do watch the streams sometimes when they post, it’s just more fun to watch it live. I might not be able to watch this Saturday though, we’re getting hit with a hurricane.

Because of the TOS for Twitch/Youtube, we cannot broadcast the drama on stream. The reasons for this will become obvious as you listen.

However, to make it available live, we are going to broadcast it in our public Discord channel. Simply use the link to the Discord channel in the right-hand sidebar, and then join the “Podcast (Live)” voice channel. You will be able to listen, but not speak. We will be doing this with all podcasts going forward. Tune in every Saturday at noon (US Eastern)!