Mutaween

The Saudi Arabian Religious Police

If you thought that getting collared for doing 30.1 mph in a thirty zone was inconvenient then think again. If you're a woman driving through downtown Riyadh, and you're over the limit - speed or otherwise (especially otherwise), and you get clocked by this lot, then it's safe to say that you're in the shit - and up to a significant depth.

There is a school of thought out there than espouses the opinion that women should never be allowed behind the wheel of a vehicle. In Saudi Arabia - by far the most intolerant Islamic state on Earth - this is law - and one enforced by the Mutaween to great effect. Possibly an urban myth, the following fable ably illustrates what can go wrong when cultures clash.

During the build up to the Gulf War in 1990-1, a significant amount of troops found themselves based in the Kingdom. Unlike the (useless) Saudi forces, many females in their western counterparts are employed in various roles and thus find themselves entrusted with many millions of beerchit's worth of military hardware... like Humvees for instance.

One fine day during Operation Desert Shield, a US servicewoman was driving her Humvee through Riyadh. Whether she was badly briefed is uncertain, but at the time it was a no no, with the allies acquiescing to the Saudi's (many) rules instead of telling the humourless pricks where to get off.

Anyhow, the girl was pulled over by the Mutaween, unceremoniously dragged from her vehicle, and was subsequently bitch-whipped like the infidel pigdog she was (and not a tin of Stella in sight). That was until she drew her sidearm and went all Travis Bickle on their miserable Islamic arses. Unfortunately, before she could waste these cnuts, a passing senior officer intervened and an international incident was avoided.

The Religious Police were also responsible for the death of a number of schoolgirls, who were burned to death in a fire at their madrasa[1]. This tragic incident made world news. The unfortunate girls were not allowed to escape from their fate due to them being: a) female, and b) incorrectly dressed. Even by the Badge's standards this is extreme, but there you go, that's peace-loving Muslims for ya!

So, the next time you're lifted by the filth for a minor transgression of the law, thank your lucky stars you weren't pulled by this cheery bunch of cnuts. Mind how you go!