My Tabs

Apr 14, 2014

I could not post on schedule last Saturday, because I was superbly hungover when I woke up and then spent the whole day trying to be, what I wanted to write about that day. Let me explain.

On Friday morning, I received a call at 7 AM from a guy about 3 abandoned kittens, barely half a week old. I was barely awake, and honestly I have no place to put them, so I promised I will post for him & get back by afternoon. I did post for them at that ungodly hour, and surprise surprise, I received a lot of calls. When I get a call for infant kittens, the first thing I do is look for a nursing mother. Usually mother cats take on abandoned kittens, and nothing beats moms milk. If I don't then, we need to step in and become moms. It is a really really exhausting, hard and an amazingly wonderful place to be in. I nursed my last three babies and Mouse was one of them (quite obviously mom's favorite). :)

Anyway, so thankfully, beautiful people of Mumbai swung into action and by late afternoon I had 3 calls from people who had nursing mothers. I remembered one more person who had called me a week ago requesting help for something else, who had mentioned in passing that her cat was supposed to deliver. I decided to try my luck with her cat. On Saturday, we drove over with our little babies, and within the first ten minutes, mommy cat hugged and kissed and licked our new babies. PHEW!! :) Such a relief. We all sat there for a while just stroking Cleopatra (mommy) and cooing over how tiny & beautiful the babies were (who technically are deaf and blind and scrawny at this point... :P)

Kindness gives us so many happy endings, doesn't it? I love meeting people who are nice, polite, compassionate and go out of their way if someone in trouble really needs their help. I like kind people. I meet my fair share of jerks working the job I do, but it also puts me in touch with people who are so beautifully compassionate & kind, it fills my heart up. :)

Annie.
P.S.: I work with an animal welfare NGO. I head corporate relations, strategy & kitten adoptions... just incase you are wondering. Animal help in Mumbai? Get in touch with me anita@worldforall.co :)

Apr 11, 2014

So, I totally forgot I had this post to write because this has been a nuts Friday - new kittens, old puppies, one female dog who is having the fucked up of all labor times, and 3 new born kittens who someone has separated from their mother - so far! :/

I am hosting a fundraiser tonight (people in Mumbai, feel free to join the party at IBar, Bandra).. And I have no time to sit and write a new post. And the battery on my phone is running out. And I need to make some last minute phone calls to invite some more people... :P (choosing to update blog over calling more people to the fundraiser - I give you commitment!) Hahaha.. :)

Annie.

P.S.: If you do decide to come, give me a shout out - in the pretty slightly old thing in black ;) :P also, I'm the hostess so you can well... just ask for me. :P

Apr 10, 2014

It has been fifteen years since I first saw you, and some of the memories are a little rusty around the edges. For instance, I no longer remember if it was a Wednesday or a Thursday, that day when we sat on the table in the crowded college canteen, talking way into oblivion at friends watching us with poorly masked amazement at how we seemed to have hit off with each other. Some other details seem to have disappeared entirely, like the maze like structure of the ancient institution where our summertime romance had blossomed, spilling over into the rain and the frost. I don't remember anymore if it was on the second or the third floor, where we had discovered a small nook of a corner, and stolen that quick kiss in the weeks after we had started dating. Some of the last few months of us together in the final days of college, seem to have blanked out entirely. Maybe its the age, I am getting old.

And then somedays - maybe on late nights like today, filled with the stillness of a warm summer air, something comes back to me. In bits & pieces, but so brilliant in its self-preservation, that it stuns me that so many years have passed since then. Small details that seemed so insignificant back then. Small things you did. Small things about you. Little idiosyncrasies that you were made up of, you who made me fall so completely and shamelessly.. so helplessly in love with you.

Remember how you skipped over every third stone in the pavement laid with those pale yellow & red, oddly shaped bricks, on the way to the train station, the first day I walked you there? I do. It was your little thing. Like writing letters. You confessed once you liked how smooth gel pens glided over paper, every time you sat to write me a new letter. And that thing with your coffee - six times anti-clockwise and then once clockwise. I never asked you what that even meant, I realise.

I used to tease that no one ever told you how to use bookmarks. You never kept them in your books for their purpose, often much before or after the page you were reading. And I snuck a glance at you once or twice to catch you lovingly smoothening out the dog ears out of the old pages of books you really really liked... And the obsessive habit of collecting one too many books to read. The way you picked them out of old piles from pavement book stores, as if they were precious treasures, hidden away just for you to find.

My chair creaks as I get up, shaking old memories out of my head. Heading towards the bedroom, I hear you call out from near the window, "I think I am going to make myself some coffee. Do you want some?" I look over and notice the book you just kept aside, bookmark stuck firmly in the middle. I smile. "Yes."

Annie.

P.S.: It is amazing loving someone made of idiosyncrasies, try it sometime.

Apr 8, 2014

Okay let me just put it out there - I love Grey's Anatomy. I watched this show for the first time only a year and a half ago, and I watched it at a stretch season 1-8. I did not like where it was heading post that, and so I consciously went out and got a life and stopped watching it like an obsessed, deranged person. I am not kidding, I have literally (I mean it), locked myself in the bedroom, instructed the man and the cats to STAY AWAY, and have watched the episodes at a stretch, so much so that 1. I bunked work. 2. I had a severe severe headache. Yes. Crazy person alert. So if you have never watched this show, please skip this post because it will make no sense to you. :P

Favorite Character? Every character on this show is fucking perfect. Well except the new ones. But nevertheless, everyone. Perfect. But my favorite? Easy. Meredith.

I know.. I know. A LOT of people do not like her at all. But I am talking about Meredith, NOT Ellen. Meredith has easily been the most complex, brilliant character on the show from the beginning until around late season 7ish. I identify with her in a way I have never with any fictional character played or written. All her issues? Check, check & check. Make way for the dark & twisty. And Nutties is, as I've said before, literally the Derek to my Meredith. Which is also what makes us so perfect lol. :)

Favorite Scenes? This is obviously where I list a collection of my favorite scenes. Because obviously there cannot be just one. And to save us all the 'YES ME TOO!' I am going to skip over the usual favorites (marriages, confessions of love, proposals, etc.) and dig up some lesser known, lesser appreciated scenes.

The very first meeting. :)

The one with George's cute butt. LOL!

When Owen meets Christina for the first time.

This. To the soundtrack of Homebird, Foy Vance. I can't remember our last kiss. Needless to say, I bawled. A lot.

Arizona talking to Callie's dad. Yes yes, I know what happens in the latest season, but damn this scene was perfect, when it happened. No disrespect, no attitude, just hey I love your daughter.

Meredith high before her surgery. "All my boyfriends are here!" :P Also, damn, Finn was perfect!

I hated Meredith's obvious rebounds with people she should have stayed far away from. And I hated how Derek is being all chill with her because he is being "friends". Like wtf is that? Stop that! And then this happens. Ouch. OUCH.

Meredith holding Cristina after Burke left. Completely being her person.

When this happened - And that sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intensions, fate wins anyway. "I miss you." ... "I can't."

Meredith's confrontation with her mother.

Callie, just after she & George divorce. All the emotion coming out in one patients case. So brutally honest, I will be lying if I said I have not felt the same way at some point in the past.

Izzie, opening up to Sidney. That is exactly what happens when you lose someone, and there is no getting back. This is how much it sucks.

Too many bawls happened when Denny died. :'(

That entire sequence. After it happened, noone could move Izzie from him, but Alex just comes and picks her up. Grace, Kate Havenik remains one of my all time fav songs from this show, just for how perfectly upsetting this scene is.

One of the very first scenes of the show I related with on a level that made my heart explode out of sheer pain.

"Oh you are staying with her." ... "Yeah. She's my wife."

A second later, "Dr. Shepard, she's crashing." And crash she did....

This was the most painful to watch. To the soundtrack of another of my all time favs.

Today has been okay.

Knowing you love someone so much it hurts, and then knowing you cannot be with them, because the universe is fucked up and hates you. Being star crossed lovers sucks.

Owen telling Cristina that he will always love her.

I know this came at a really, really bad time. But there was no question about the honesty in his words. It took me a while in my life, personally, to know that people can make irreversible mistakes, and still be deeply in love with the person they wronged. Yes, it happens. You fuck up, and you live with it.

Mark's face when Lexie nears the end of her 'I'm infected with Mark Sloan.' speech.

When it hits him, what she is saying, and how much she means to him too. I swear I thought, this would be a happily ever after, because obviously they both felt the same way..... This is one mistake, I will NEVER forgive Grey's for. :/ Which brings me to...

Mark & Lexie's last moments together. I don't even want to talk about it, because yes, I actually stopped watching after that happened. I have no clue what has happened in the latest season, and I only watched season 9 midway.... fuck you Shonda. :/

Okay this will never end. So I am stopping now.

Annie.
P.S.: Time for a Grey's marathon all over again methinks.
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Now Playing: Let Myself Fall | Rosie Thomas

Apr 7, 2014

The day I met you for the very first time, I looked upon your face, and saw not a person - but a universe of all that is fascinating and shiny and beautiful, a wide expanse of perfection, where flaws are not expected or even acknowledged. I saw beautiful words and syllables, so exquisite, how could one not weave them into stories and poems? So many endless permutations & combinations, of so many different stories, and many amazing adventures, each one of which you are the hero of.

So I wrote. I wrote about you. And while I weaved your stories together and put them on paper with ink & a bit of me - I fell. I fell for you.

~

No one ever told me I was falling not in love, but falling in disappointment. That somewhere at the back of my mind, I always knew you would leave. Just did not know when, at what point in time, I'd have to sit up and acknowledge flaws.

Now, there is a wreckage between my ribs, left there by you. A wound, that throbs dully, that I carry around everywhere I go, with every single step I take. An ache that stops pounding on the door of my existence, only once the pills I weigh every night without fail in my fragile palms, kick in. And for the first few seconds after I open my eyes every morning, somewhere between a deep, dreamless sleep & being wide awake, in those moments of hazy disorientation.

Falling was a stupid idea. Why did it seem so brilliant at the time?

Annie.

P.S.: I have no idea why this post happened. Sometimes, I literally just phase out.

Apr 5, 2014

As in the Indie music band. I cannot even begin to explain how MANY memories are associated with each of their songs. Well, until the idiot lead decided to get himself embroiled in a sexist controversy, which even though was obviously a publicity stunt, left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Ugh. Anyway, leaving that aside... music from the 90's anyone?! :)

Also, err.. disclaimer before I am judged - Dating was cool growing up. I dated quite a few boys before I ended up in my first serious relationship, which happened much later in degree college. Of course, "dating" meant being silly, going on well.. dates to eating places & talking mushy sappy stuff, bringing flowers and the likes... which I believe is not quite what happens today. Also, let it be known, there were zero bases anyone could conquer. :P

I think my first Euphoria song was Dhoom Pichak Dhoom. Way back in school, but the memories came later. Band practice, singing in class, rides back home in the train at rush hour. :)

Kabhi Aana Tu Meri Gully, was introduction to Vidya Balan (yes thats her!). I loved this song way too much! Its so much fun right? Also, one really handsome singer dude in college sang this at a fest and he ...nailed it! Full marks on presentation, if you know what I mean. ;) Memories of following the band discreetly(?) with girlfriends, through college grounds hoping to know the guys name and relationship status happened. Yes, creepy stalkerish tendencies were displayed early on in life. But it was fun. :P

Kaise Bhoolegi Mera Naam, was a song this guy in class used to sidle up close to the girls and sing in a rastachaap kind of way. The guy in question is a dead ringer for John Abraham, and a really nice guy, but for his blatant flirting in deeply sexy voice he used to put on for the women. At one point he came up and started singing the song in aforementioned sexy voice, holding my hand, while boyfriend stood right next to me. Hehehe :P So yes, this is that guy song. :)

One of the newer tracks, Mehfuz. The year was 2006, and it was Euphoria comeback time. Also time for first out of city trip with then boyfriend. To wild Goa. Hic. :)

And finally, the two tracks that have always been very very close to my heart - Maeri & Tum.

Maeri, and some pretty intense real life incidents, inspired the first fiction post on the blog. :)

This was 2000, and the album was Phir Dhoom. The first time I heard this song, it was on the radio. Then first year engineering, I discovered practically the entire class loved this song. That year, 2005, we used to sit outside the class to write our assignments, and someone or the other always played this song. :) This song became my most played song when boyfriend was away & I missed him. It was not "our" song, but it was close. For those who don't know yet, my college building was extremely old and it was flanked by cobbled streets & huge trees. This song became the soundtrack to walking around holding hands, catching tea & snacks at quiet cosy places, walking to the railway station to catch a train back home. Sigh.

The year was 1998, Euphoria had just come out with their debut album, Dhoom. Tum was one of the only tracks from that album that remains famous to this day. Wow it stuns me now that this track is 16 years old...

Anyway, a few years after this song came out, an older boy I really really liked but was super shy to talk to, dedicated this song to me. Yes, we had song dedications and stuff to declare your love to significant other hahaha.. :P So yes, he not only dedicated it, he also sangit to me. In front of a small crowd of friends and such. It was very cool, floored me completely (note the sappy sappy lyrics of this song. go on look em' up :P ) I am also kind of embarrassed that this was in school. Ahem. My reaction to said song dedication? I giggled. A lot. :P (this was when it became known that I was not really the read-poems-to-impress kind, I was the sing/dance/crack jokes-to-impress kind :P)

Apr 4, 2014

For someone who has written as many morbid & depressing things as I have, who has had dying as one of the constant themes of anything and everything I have ever found beautiful - I have seen death at close proximity only once. And that happened 5 months ago.

Nutties had a big meeting, at a swanky hotel, so he was up really early. It was a Saturday, and I had a meeting later in the day over brunch at Candies, so I woke up refreshed & smiling just as Nutties was leaving. That is when I saw that my close friend and work colleague had called me at an odd 7.30 AM. Now if you do the work I do, you just know that calls at odd times, mean the same thing. It's an emergency. Somewhere, some animal needs your help. Someone being run over, someone is sick, new litters have been found, someone needs advise.. the likes. I am the de facto kitten expert, so I absently dialled back. He picked up on the second ring and said exactly this, 'You have to come over to R's right now, her sister jumped.. fell off.. I don't know.. their balcony. Messaging you the address right now.'

It took a millisecond to be wide awake, and also at the same time, plunge into a pool of complete disorientation. What? Why? Huh? What? WHAT? Somehow, I managed to leave home in a stumble. I did not know what to expect. I did not even know what to say, who to call on my way there. I just sat there and smoked in silence with the auto guy, who was also apparently having a bad day. The day passed by in a blur. What do you say? What do you do? How do you make it better? I was angry that no matter how much we all try to fix the world, no matter how many animals we save.. where the fuck does does all that good karma go? What happened to all those lives we saved huh? This one beautiful soul could not be saved?

Watching someone die, makes you realise just how fragile we all are. Bodies made of sticks & bones & blood. And rubbed down with emotions, all of them packed into one small, disgustingly fragile body. And then we go and make relationships happen. Many we are simply born into. And we are, if you think about it, the same heart beating in two, three, four different bodies. We share. And then one breaks away, drifts away and it shatters. A void opens up that will never be filled. Human beings & their relationships.

I wonder why some say death can be peaceful. From whatever I have seen of it, it has been horrible. People around me, live forever okay? :(

Annie.

P.S.: This got way too morose I know, I swear I will try and be more cheerful next :)

P.P.S.: Grief counselling really works. If someone you know if going through something as major as this, please understand that sometimes a counsellor will explain things to them like you can't. So yes, its a good idea to book that appointment.

Apr 3, 2014

I find many people struggling with this concept. I mean, lets be real. How many of us, at various points in time had wished we could go back in time & stay in times that were easy, less stressful. Whatever it takes to avoid the present right? I know I have done it a fair share of times too. Things change, people change, situations change - this can be pretty tough to come to terms with I think.

Remember when someone high on some pretty sweet stuff said change is the only constant. Well, yes. They were right. I'll be honest, I did not believe too much, because I always thought there were some things that did not change. Now, at this point in life, I think I can safely say I was wrong. Change is, indeed the only constant.

Sometimes its so sudden, you never truly come to terms with it. Like losing what you called home for 18 years over just 2 months. So sudden, so swift. Years later when you look back, its like that segment of life has been blanked out. Abruptly, the chapter seems to have turned. And some other times, the change happens so slow, and so gradual, that you do not even realise something has changed until the damage is already done, the cross road is already in front of you, waiting for you to make a decision. Like heart break, that first time around. Who knew people could change right? Until then, who knew it could hurt so bad?

I remember declaring a decade ago that I would never do or say certain things. That I would never date certain kind of guys. I remember promising some people that I will always remain friends. I did not think then that I would change! Its been one of my recent revelations, that over the last few years I have changed! I am not as friendly and happy-go-lucky as I know most of my old friends remember me as. I do not blurt things out much these days (subject to alcohol & pot in the system obviously) . I keep my feelings in check when I am out with people I barely know. I was NONE of these things before. I guess change sometimes, IS for the good. Atleast it feels like it now.

This has been completely random, there are so many many things I could talk about regarding change, but I imagine they would bore people out, because lots of these would make sense to only me. Or maybe you, if you grew up with me during school. Maybe I will pick up another alphabet to talk about those things, some other day. :)

Annie.

P.S.: When people accusingly say, you changed! (a favorite line for those who do not have much to say), I always end up feeling, Yea I know, its great isn't it?! :)

Apr 2, 2014

I did not have the luxury of playing with other kids - because there were far too few, and none of them passed my mother's good-for-you test - and so invariably I stayed in many days. Add to that, that I do not have a "native place" (born, brought up and based only in Mumbai), summer vacations were a drag really. My family, encouraged reading & writing right from the very beginning. I was gifted books & stationery when other kids were getting toys & board games. I know it sounds kinda lame, but since this was the ONLY way of life I was familiar with then, so for me, it was AWESOME! I think I get my nerd tendencies from time back then too, because many of these books were big fat encyclopaedias, far superior for my age, because I already exhausted the ones meant for my age. :)

Then in 7th grade, a kind girl from my class realised that I was not doing very well socially due to not having any friends around. My 6th grade class got reshuffled for the first time since KG, so I "lost" all my old friends. I was heartbroken, and incredibly shy & anxious. My only claim to fame was that I was a geek. Teacher's pet. Obviously that did not score me any points with the cool kids of the class, whom I so badly wanted to impress... Ugh. Life was hard in 7th grade for me.. :) So this girl randomly landed up beside me during Library hour and handed me a Nancy Drew & said 'Read this! I think you'll enjoy it!'. We went on to become really close friends throughout school & college.. :)

By middle of 7th grade, I had read every single Nancy Drew there was to read. By end of year, I had exhausted all the Sidney Sheldons in print. My teacher busted me reading Sidney's in class and she YELLED! What are you reading? YOU ARE READING THIS?!... all the while I mentally went, okay so I take it Mills & Boon's are off the table yes? :P. Ah!! Fond memories. :) (Which is also probably why, Sidney Sheldon still exists on my bookshelf. Lots of incidents and memories with each of the books I read more than a decade ago..)

When I moved into my own house, I only carried my book stash with me. I love the collection that I have compiled over these years.. Only 1/4th of all the books I own are currently on my minimalistic book shelf... someday I think an entire wall unit for books is in order. :)

~ Annie.

P.S.: A note.

Happy birthday, you. If it hadn't been for a misplaced sense of love 11 years ago, our lives would have turned out very very different. Possibly, lives in which we were more than just spectators, as we are now. I am honestly glad mine turned out this way, I found what I was looking for all those years ago, and I know it is here to stay. I can only hope that you have also found your happy ending, the kind of ending that you are standing just on the brink of now, after all these years. It is a strange, unbelievable, amazing turn of events that has brought you back to literally where you started at, all those years ago, and from here on, I hope you find what you have been seeking all this while. Someday I am going to write about us, and it will like we almost believed it would be like. I think I owe us that. :)

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Now Playing: A Movie Script Ending | Death Cab For Cutie

Apr 1, 2014

It's been on my mind to do a 30 day challenge once again, but after scouring the internet high and low, I came up with nothing that piqued my interest. Until I just saw that Soumya, has taken up this very cool A-Z Blogging Challenge. 26 days of this month, 26 alphabets, with a word of my choosing. I am officially jumping on the bandwagon! :D

Addicted to listening to music. At. All. Times. True story. There have been times when I have drifted off the sleep with music blaring in my ears lol. :) Music in the shower, music when travelling, music while working. You name it, I need (and probably already will have) a soundtrack to it.

Let's see what else? Was addicted to sheesha when I was in college, because it was an every alternate day/weekend hangout. Dim lights, lots of flavoured(?) smoke, & many a times, Atif Aslam singing in his weird, nasal voice. Good memories of not-so-good habits. :)

Addicted to emoticons? Well that one was an obvious one.. :P Addicted to dreaming about the future, making lists to get there, and planning things in life. I love doing this, this is probably the only thing that makes me feel 'in control'. Addicted to Facebook. Twitter. Gmail. All the good things on the internet. :)

... what are are you addicted to then?

Annie.
P.S.: Addition towards humans is not very healthy & not at all promoted on this blog. :P :)
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Now Playing: Hometown Glory (Royal Albert Hall live version) | Adele