Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

My wife is back home and I am even more depressed

My wife has come back home now. We have moved everything back into the house from her apartment, and are in the process of breaking the lease.

I have now learned alot of what had been going on in her life while we were apart. She met this person who lives quite far away online in late september or early october. So while I was focused on trying to save our marriage, this other person was having her send him naked photos of herself and having cybersex and phone sex. He was also making her feel like she was chating on him by being with me.

In late january, she lied to me and went to canada and met this person. She is swearing and promising me that they did not have sex. I really hope that is true.

On the day she sadi she wanted to come home for good, she was originally planning on going to canada. this person had purchased a plane ticket for her.

Since then she has given me her online passwords to her email and whatnot. SHe has cancelled her facebook and flickr accts. I am hoping she will do the same with myspace. I was devastated when I found the nude photos on her computer, as well as the sex IMs. Those are two things she never would have done with me.

She is also promising that she is not speaking with this other person anymore. I really want to believe her and trust her.

I am more depressed now than ever. the past two days, all I can think about is what she was doing. I am scared that I cannot trust her. I am scared that I am coming off as weak and depressed. SHe needs me to be strong. I need to be strong. All I can do is dwell and worry that this is going to happen again, or that she wants this other person more than me. I wish I had never read some of the things I read or saw the pictures. While we were seperated, all I thought about was her and trying to save our marriage. I feel like she was thinking about the opposite.

Part of me would rather die right now than to face the uncertain future. at least I would die knowing that she was my wife, that she loved me and was with me.

Here is my honest feeling on this; I believe the two of you should go into marriage counseling together. The situation really does need the guidance of a professional therapist. Wishing you both the very best.

I'm sorry hun but if I were in your shoes, it would be so over. I would never be able to get past the betrayal and lies...not to mention the cheating...and yes she did cheat. Even if she didn't actually have sex, it was still cheating. I am sorry that you have been betrayed and are in pain and I hope things get better for you but I wouldn't get my expectations too high with your wife...if she's done this much, what will be next?

this will be the last time. After this, if she strays or lies or whatever, it will be the end. I will not let it continue to happen. This whole ordeal has already put me in the ER once. I know there people in the world that can be faithful and caring and nice to their partners. She unfortunately grew up in a family where that did not happen.

Dave I've read a ton of your posts. You do not deserve this to be happening to you at all. I really hope your wife remains faithful to you. You should not have to go through this again and you are right that there are people who can be caring and nice.

i don't know what to say to you. It sounds like she's making a genuine effortand, though she made a HUGE mistake, if you decide to forgive her and try again, then you can't lord it over her forever. you don't have to forget.. but forgiveness is important. I know it's not easy but you can't have it both ways. Either give everything you have into0 restoring your relationship or leave it alone altogether, because half-hearted or anger-filled attempts will only make things worse for both of you. Not that it is an excuse, because there isn't one, but what were her reasons? don't accept 'i don't know'. without Being ACCUSING, ask her why, what started it.. did you two stop communicating? Did you take each other for granted? I'm not saying it's your fault she cheated. She is her own person, but the push had to come from somewhere... if not from you then somewhere else, but the fact is that you probably contributed to it. Make sure not to lay all the blame on her, and improve YOURSELF instea of saying she needs all the fixing, kay?

That being said, still be carefula nd make sure you lay dowwn very clear ground rules for eachother.

It seems to me that you're being so hard on yourself Dave. I think you should allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel right now and not judge it (personally I'd be devastated, crying, etc). To me that is strength. As far as needing to be strong for your wife? Seriously she should be doing what ever it takes to make this work if she's committed to it. She's put you through hell with this, and should be supporting you and understanding that you're in pain. Of course you're worried about being able to trust her. She has shattered that trust and should be working as hard as she can to rebuild that. I'm glad to hear your both in individual and couples counseling to work through it. Big ((((hugs))) to you, please try to be kinder to yourself.

i was wondering if you have ever considered asking your therapist if you might be codependent the reason i ask is cuz i am the say way you are about being with someone and i am extreamly codependent and that is what i am working on right now in my life please please if you ever needto talk about this email me my email is okccherokeechick@yahoo.com ok feel free to say any thing i will listen great big hugs vicki

I dont know I fi am codependent. When she left and I thought it was truly over, I was prepared to be alone and I was functioning ok. If I am going to be alone, I can handle it. I would much rather be married to my wife, but if she should decide to leave again, I would be very depressed and sad and lonely, but my life would have to go on. I also know that I would not have to be alone forever. there are other people out there, and some of them might even want to be with me.

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