About children: Recognize the signs of teen dating abuse

By BEV THEILColumnist Published: February 23, 2013 4:00 AM

February is designated Teen Dating Violence Month. While most of us think of teens and young adults as being uninvolved with the world of domestic and partner violence, in reality they are involved far too often.

Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Month is a national effort to create awareness regarding abuse in teen/young adult relationships and to promote programs that prevent that abuse. The effects of teen dating violence hurt not just victims but their families, friends, schools and communities.

During February organizations and individuals nationwide come together to bring attention to the need to educate young people about dating violence, teach them healthy relationship skills and prevent the life-altering cycle of abuse.

For years people have tried to put a stop to dating abuse. Young people joined with adult allies wanting to stop the abuse and in 2005 had teen dating abuse included in the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act.

In 2006, Congress, following the lead of dozens of national, state and local organizations, sounded the call to end dating abuse. Both chambers of Congress declared the first full week in February National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Week. In 2010, they began dedication of the entire month of February to teen dating violence awareness and prevention.

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Dating violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to exert power and control over a dating partner. It is a pattern of behavior, that doesn't mean the first instance of abuse is not dating violence, it is one incident in the pattern of behavior of the abuser. Pattern recognizes that dating violence is usually a series of abusive behaviors over a course of time.

While every relationship is different, the one thing that is common in most abusive dating relationships is over time the violence escalates and becomes more and more dangerous.

Your neighbor, co-worker, niece, nephew, son, daughter -- any teen or young adult -- can experience dating violence, abuse or unhealthy behaviors when dating. The length of the relationship can be short-term or long-term, may be serious or casual, monogamous or not. Dating abuse is not discriminating. It can happen to any gender, sexual identity, economic status, ethnicity or religious preference.

The signs of dating violence are varied, but are similar to the same types of relationship abuse as adults. One or more of the following abuses may occur:

Physical abuse -- Any intentional use of physical force intended to cause fear or injury (hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon).

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Sexual abuse -- Any action that impacts or impairs a person's ability to control his sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs (these include rape, coercion or restricting access to birth control).

Abuse also includes what is called digital abuse -- the use of technologies such as social media networking to intimidate, harass or threaten a current or ex-dating partner. This could include demanding passwords, checking cell phones, cyber bullying, sexting, excessive or threatening texts or stalking on social media.

There are many warning signs of abuse. The most common signs are:

-- Checking your cell phone or email without permission -- demanding you allow them access to all of your electronic devices at any time.

-- Constantly putting you down -- you are dumb, ugly, stupid, fat, etc.

-- Extreme jealousy or insecurity/making false accusations -- you can't even say hello to a classmate or neighbor without permission of your partner. May accuse you of being unfaithful, having secret relationships.

-- Explosive temper -- for no apparent reason or for minor situations (late due to traffic) the abuser explodes in a rage.

-- Possessiveness/Isolating you from family or friends, especially if you live on your own in a dorm or apartment, they want you to have no contact with others unless they approve and/or are present; may take your phone to insure your isolation.

-- Telling you what to do -- dress this way, work at this job, talk to only those approved by the abuser.

Abuse does not stop without intervention. In fact, it can escalate all the way to death of the victim. If you or a loved one is in a violent relationship, please get help. Locally you can call the Every Woman's House 24-hour hotline at 330-263-1020.

Bev Theil is a child advocate in Wayne and Holmes counties. She can be contacted at aboutchildren@aol.com.