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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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December 31, 2008

10 out of 10 Scientists Say: Bengals 2nd Half of Season Was Meaningless

Folks - I cannot emphasize enough how foolish it would be to get your hopes up for next year based on the Bengals play in the 2nd half of the year. Why? Behold, ladies and gentlemen, a statistical breakdown of Bengals wins and when they came since 1991 (when Mike Brown took the helm).

You can look at each season in the file, but here are the salient points:

In the average Bengals season under Mike Brown, 71% of the total wins come in the 2nd half of the season (more than 2 in 3 wins, in other words)

In 5 of the 18 total seasons under Mike Brown, all of the Bengals wins have come in the 2nd half of the season (including this year...that's almost 1 in 3 seasons where the Bengals start 0-8)

Of Mike Brown's 101 total wins, 31 have come in November and 36 have come in December. This means Mike Brown's Bengals have more wins in December than they do total wins in the first half of the season combined.

MOST IMPORTANT, only 1 time out of 15 seasons where the Bengals have "finished strong" (more wins in the 2nd half), has this been followed by a season where we have had a winning season. This is, of course, because we've only had 1 FRICKING WINNING SEASON IN 18 DAMN YEARS!

The point is, the Bengals start each season, for whatever reason (this will be it's own post), by putting themselves behind the eight ball. So, if you find yourself saying, "We can build off the strong 2nd half this year" you are, and it's not even debatable, AN IDIOT WHO IGNORES ALL PAST EVIDENCE. This happens almost every year under Mikey. And as we know, the Bengals have been the worst pro team over this 18 year stretch. There is no evidence whatsoever that "Bengals Strong Finishes" lead to winning seasons or even good ones at that.

Here are reasons that are valid that we may have a better year next year:

Carson returns to full health

Keith Rivers returns to full health

Everyone else returns to full health

Easy schedule due to rotation and our crappy performance this year

We add impact players in the draft (ha! - unlikely, but we can hope)

The fact the Bengals "finished strong" by beating 4 suspect teams is not one of these reasons.

Comments

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Yes it's true...to quote Andy Mac quoting Yogi Berra,

IT'S DEJA-VU ALL OVER AGAIN

These last few wins *truly* have nothing to do with next year...they NEVER do

I've said it before; even if hell freezes over and the Bengals (how dare I even make 'conjecture') win the Super Bowl next year, it still wouldn't make up for the last 18 years...it's not a matter of impatience, it's a matter of INSANITY, as so eloquently defined by Albert Einstein

1. You need to fix the label in the win % column of your spreadsheet to say 2nd half wins instead of 1st half wins.
2. You should say "they" instead of "we" when referencing the Bungles, lest you undermine us all.
3. The urinal cakes were genius!

Ive been on the fence back and forth with the season tickets renewel. Thanks to you guys (the voice of reason), I have reason to pay that fat, stupid prick one more fucking dime of my money. If I need single game tickets, Im sure that I will have no problem getting them at face or less on stubhub.

Outside of being completely stubborn and claiming you're the ultimate fan through thick and thin, there is absolutely no reason to be a season ticket holder at this juncture. You can buy tickets before the game for less than $10 (seriously).

I trust that a great deal of former stubborn ticket holders will not renew because this website (for which I am grateful) has truly exposed Mike Brown's ineptitude and has called out Bagdad Hob for the fraud that he is.

I would like to additionally point out that the Bengals went 0-3 to finish 2006 and 0-2 to finish 2003, the only two seasons where winning late-season games would have meant anything. Second-half games become far less winnable to Mikey when they actually have consequences.