I have some bad new, you guys. Your fair heroine (moi) is unfortunately no longer a member of Match.com. I’ve been blocked! Terminated! Unfairly banished from a pool of misunderstood singles just searching for love!!! I’ve never felt more wronged. You might think that I was blocked because of the blog, but since no one reads it, THAT’S not the case. Instead, I was “blocked” (and that is the term they used) because a picture I uploaded violated their Terms of Use. What picture, you may rightfully ask? I HAVE NO IDEA BECAUSE THEY WON’T TELL ME.

It all started Tuesday night. I decided that since I still had two months, one week, 3 days and 14 hours of my membership to go, I wanted to add some photos that showed a little more personality. So, I uploaded one of me after a run (look how sporty I am!), one of my last Halloween costume, which was a Cat Caller (look, I know puns!) and then another group shot of some friends (look, people like me!). After that, I really didn’t think much of it other than to wonder how many more messages Mr. Wang was going to send me when he saw new activity on my page (last count pre-termination was 37).

NO ONE WANTS 37 MESSAGES FROM ANYONE, WANG.

I woke up the next morning and checked my email, as one does, and saw a message that said, “You are no longer a Match member. Rules are Rules.” Okay, FIRST OF ALL MATCH.COM, what are you trying to do, ground me? Did I stay up past my bedtime or not eat all my vegetables? Rules are RULES? The email also told me if I wanted to appeal the decision (like the Match.com court of law?) I could email customer support. AND EMAIL CUSTOMER SUPPORT I DID.

Actual footage

My first email was very cordial, I just said something along the lines of, “Hi, I uploaded some new pictures last night and you terminated my account – just curious as to why? Thanks!” And then later, when I really started thinking about it and getting pissed off, I fired off one that said, in essence, “Okay, you let guys named ‘DarthButtMunch’ and ‘BabbieDaddie03’ on the site, but the pictures of my face were somehow offensive?” They finally responded and told me that my inquiry has been escalated to a different department. Probably meaning the crazy angry single lady department. They also told me they would have a response for me within 48 hours, but as of press time, I have received no restitution in any form. Meanwhile, the love of my life is probably sending virtual winks over to “MustLoveDogs42.”

I will update you if I hear back from them and get reinstated, but, otherwise, if you’re keeping a tally: