Crash & Burn

I signed up for Camp NaNoWriMo and I botched it. Horribly. I’d need to write 5k/day to hit the goal by the end of the month. If I was typing it, that would be possible, but by hand… no way. Actually, I don’t think it would be possible to do it typing either. The Entropy Machine is way too interactive to leave me alone to work in the day and I wouldn’t want to do that to her either, you know?

Which leads me to: I haven’t hit a single word goal this year. Like, daily goals, sure. Sometimes. Occasionally. But for the month? Nope. I wonder if this means that my goal is too high. Or if my daily life needs rearranging. I will admit to occasionalsome games of Plants vs Zombies 2. But it’s more of a thinking time. My conscious works on different strategies and my subconscious mulls over little bits of my writing when I’m stuck on something. My brain is definitely a desktop with too many open windows. 😀 Maybe this is a cop-out and I need to take it off my iPad and phone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I might need to experiment with this, actually.

Anyway. So, I know I’ve mentioned Tim Ferriss before and there is so much good, actionable information in his podcast and writing. But goddamn, I don’t think I’ve seen much that specifically addresses being the primary caregiver of a child. I mean, it’s fun, it’s hard, it’s awful, it’s amazing. It’s really been a privilege to watch her grow up. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And at the same time, I am so much more than just her mother. And yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, romance novels aren’t changing the world or curing cancer or any other noble pursuit. But the simple pleasure of falling into another world, of exploring a story and feeling someone else’s life experiences and point of view? That’s a fantastic thing too.

But as to being the primary caregiver of a child, it takes so much of you. And I’m not saying that to be some “Oh poor me!” martyr. I’m just saying, it’s a shitton of work to raise a kid. And all the little decisions that go into it. Just… ooph.

Just cuz it makes me laugh and I’m feeling crabby From the delightful Tumblr Indianajonesfuckyeah

I’ve come to the point where I have to decide. What are my goals going to be? And what are acceptable tradeoffs to get there? I can’t just plunk her down in front of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to work on my writing. Well, I could, of course, but that’s not an acceptable tradeoff. I have to find that sweet spot.

When in doubt, add vaguely applicable gifs. from know your meme

I’m curious to see how people with kids have managed to find this balance. I know my husband depends on me to keep the household running. I don’t have a wife who will make sure I have clean clothes and food in the fridge and a fed, educated, adjusted kid. And, since his job pays the bills, well, I’m pretty okay with our set up. 😀

I dunno. I’m just a bit sulky/pouty/whiny. I’m feeling pretty down on myself for botching NaNoWriMo this month. And I don’t want to hear, “Just wake up earlier.” I am not a morning time writing person and never have been and every time I try, I just get angry. You can’t fight biology. Anyway. Trying to figure out all this stuff. Trying to figure out how to write again, how to edit and revise and get all these damned books out. Wah wah wah. I really don’t want to wait until she’s in kinder, but… *sigh* Okay, enough whiny sulking on the internet for one day.