I take not being serious, really seriously.

south jersey

There are undeniably a few rite of passages every teenager in Cherry Hill experiences. Hard fought battles on the JCC hardwood. Drinking Smirnoff vodka out of a water bottle in a Short Hills basement. Vitos. Summers, however are reserved for one of two things:

A. Expensive teen tours with your Jewish friends.

B. Living it up at your parents (also probably Jewish) Margate house.

The latter apparently reached a new level of turnt this past Memorial Day Weekend, also know as “MDW”.

“In a town jammed with visitors to launch the summer season this weekend, Margate police had their hands full — with juveniles from out of town.

“There’s not one of them from Margate,” said Capt. Ken Bergeron of the Margate Police, citing 12 arrests of age 20 or younger for alcohol, marijuana and fighting. Seven were juveniles, another 5 under 20, he said.

He said a fight involving 300 teens broke out on the Washington Avenue beach, home of Lucy the Elephant, at 2 p.m. Saturday and led to three arrests for assault and disorderly conduct.

Additionally, a police officer was hit with a Gatorade bottle.

“There were so many people fighting they had to get help from Ventnor and Longport,” Bergeron said. “They’re really disrespectful.”

Hundreds of teens congregated on the sidewalks and at the entrance to the Wawa for hours Saturday night, but Bergeron said there’s not much Margate police can do to disperse them. Curfew laws have proven problematic to enforce, he said.”

I blame the parents, I really do. This is what happens when you drag little Benjamin to hebrew school every Sunday and Tuesday. This is what happens when your 17 year olds car is nicer than their algebra teachers in the same parking lot. This is what happens when your daughter, instead of selling lemonade outdoors, is online shopping for lululemon’s. Kids seek a thrill and start to rebel. Having said that, it sounds like a pretty good time. Not going to lie, Wawa, drugs and alcohol check off most of the boxes in terms of what people are looking for on a big holiday weekend. Add in a total lack of regard for authority and taking over a place where you have no business being with a complete sense of entitlement and what more could you ask for? Kind of makes my friends and I look like pussies. Sure we might have drank down the shore but our parents knew where we were and we weren’t badasses throwing gatorades at cops. Those kids must be cool! We used to have anxiety when pregames hit double digits, these kids are in droves of 300 like King Leonidas fighting each other. Proud to see my hometown grow up. And these are most likely kids from the east side! Imagine what those barbarians from the wild wild west are up to these days, sheesh!

For the past few years Richard Sherman has been one of the most recognizable names in professional football. Whether it’s him being a part of one of the best Superbowl winning defenses in recent memory or his fiery, charged up controversial interviews, Sherman has been as prevalent a face as there’s been in the NFL. For perhaps a few reasons, the Seahawks seem relatively open to trading the cornerback who this past season was named to his fourth consecutive Pro Bowl. I’m not here to discuss those reasons. There’s one thing and one thing only that matters in my eyes. How does this affect the Eagles. I feel that despite the Seahawks open willingness to discuss a deal for him, nobody seems to be taking it too seriously. At least as of now. But I bring this to light for a few reasons, the most fundamental being that Eagles could actually really benefit from a player like Sherman. For the heck of it, let’s break this down the simple way…

Pros

The Eagles desperately need a cornerback. Last year their secondary woes were too dire to ignore. As bad as their cornerback situation was, where we stand now, it’s worse. The Eagles have cut Leodis Mckelvin. Nolan Carroll is gone too and while those will ultimately probably be good moves for the birds, they still have to find someone to fill the void. The Eagles play in a division where they have to face Dez Bryant, Odell Beckham Jr. and Brandon Marshall twice. It’s imperative to find at least one player that has either elite production or potential. The Eagles are probably considering a corner in the first (as well as other positions) so it might make sense to get one that’s established.

He never gets hurt. Seriously, by some freakish chance, one of the most aggressive players in the league has not missed a game yet. He’s started in every one since he became the starter his rookie year. Having a player that doesn’t get hurt often is such a valuable asset to a team, especially one that is trying to win and figures to be in the mix for a playoff berth down the stretch. Not only would the Eagles be able to fill a void, they would be able to do it with someone they can rely on week in and week out.

His intensity is a match for Philly. Richard Sherman is one of those guys you love to hate…unless he’s on your team. Say what you want about his personality but there is absolutely no denying the mans passion for the game. Philly fans would eat that up like cheesesteaks and crab fries. A few big plays on D combined with some wins and Sherman could have the city in the palm of his hands.

His price is going down. The reason I started to ponder this was because I read that the Seahawks could be dropping his asking price. First they wanted a player and a high pick. Now they apparently want a first round pick and a conditional mid round pick later (which could be OK if that means he’s on the team for at least a couple of years). Profootballtalk suggested it could eventually drop to just a first. Instead of using a pick to draft someone who might be good the Eagles could get one who’s already proven he’s elite.

Cons

He makes too much money. One of the reasons Seattle is likely open to trading him is because of his expensive price. The Eagles as they stand now wouldn’t have enough to take on his salary without cutting or trading additional players. Still, for a team that was supposed to be cash strapped the Eagles seemed to manage pretty well in free agency. Howie Roseman and his guys have a remarkable ability to work around the parameters of the league’s salary cap. So while as of now it would seem pretty unlikely they could afford him, if there’s anyone who could make it work it’s Howie Roseman.

He’s 29. As I mentioned before Sherman has made the Pro Bowl the past four years. But everyone knows the day comes eventually where a player loses that elite step. You don’t want to mortgage a part of your future if you think that day is sooner rather than later. Does Sherman probably have at least a few good years left in him? That’s very reasonable to believe. But let’s be honest this team is built around Carson Wentz and his future. It may be foolish to acquire too many veterans for stopgap roles instead of grooming young players who could be a core part of this team for years to come.

The Eagles could lose valuable players. If the Seahawks end up being firm and demand additional players with a first round pick then would it be worth it? What if that meant not having Jason Peters protecting Wentz’s blindside? There are certainly expendable players on the Eagles roster but there are also a lot of players I wouldn’t be excited about parting with either, especially if it means adding the 14th overall pick too.

His personality could pose some problems. Sherman is known to be a fierce competitor and quite outspoken on a number of issues. He’s played in Seattle his whole career where he’s quite familiar with his teammates and coaches. It’s fair to question how he would handle a situation he didn’t approve of in Philadelphia. What if he doesn’t agree with a scheme or assignment or decision? Could that potentially cause distractions? Issues in the locker room? That could be a risky proposition to gamble on for a 29 year old corner.

Verdict: Surprisingly, I think the Eagles should at least be interested in trading for Sherman. They need a corner, badly. Sherman plays the position at an elite level and while his production might drop they could probably still get a few good years out of him. His veteran leadership would be of great value too, considering this is a young squad still learning how to compete and play in the NFL. He’s a SuperBowl champion and he brings that championship mentality week in and week out. While his demeanor could spark some drama I ultimately think that at the end of the day Sherman just wants to win. I would want that attitude on my team. It would be risky sending away a high pick but at least you’re getting someone reliable in return. I wouldn’t want to send additional players in the deal unless the team strongly feels they would be able to win without them on the team. He’s expensive but if Howie Roseman can figure out a way to afford him then why not? The Eagles could be targeting offense at 14 but let us not forget gems at the running back position can often be found in the second and third rounds and even beyond. I would like to get another young corner to pair with Jalen Mills but drafting one later to learn from Sherman sounds like it could be a wise move too. Overall if the Eagles couldn’t swing a deal to land Sherman it wouldn’t be the end of the world. It would be exciting to keep our first round pick and draft a promising prospect that could be on the Eagles for years to come. But if the price comes down to maybe just a first round pick or even less and the Eagles could figure out a way to afford him, then I’d do it. It would unquestionably immediately make the defense better. It would help them as they try to make the playoffs in Doug Pederson’s second year as head coach. He’s 29 but won’t turn 30 until after next season ends. Combine that with his healthy past and veteran presence and I think the Eagles would be foolish to at least not try to make a deal work.

It appears the days of greasy takeout are numbered at Rutgers University.

“In a makeover of its dining hall menus, Rutgers University plans to eliminate chicken nuggets, hash browns and other unhealthy foods from its takeout section and incorporate more nutritious options in the all-you-can-eat cafeterias.

By the end of the fall semester, Rutgers expects chicken wings will be baked instead of fried, hot sauce from the jar will be replaced with fresh spices, and processed meats will be traded for poached salmon or turkey roasted and smoked by university chefs, among other changes.

The food on the new menus will be more than just healthy, it will be “absolutely good,” said Ian Keith, the Rutgers chef leading the menu overhaul.

….

For Rutgers students, that means takeout chicken fingers will be replaced with grilled chicken, and hash browns will swapped out for Peruvian hash made from heirloom potatoes, spinach and roasted onions.

Instead of pork sausage, Rutgers will serve smoked chicken sausage with spinach on a whole grain English muffin. A new bagel bar will feature a vegetable cream cheese mixed at Rutgers and loaded with broccoli, squash and scallions.

Plant-based meal, such as tofu and broccoli stir fry, will become more prevalent.”

Boiling. My blood is boiling. More bad press for good old Rutgers. You can’t take away chicken nuggets and fries from a school cafeteria, you just can’t. That’s like taking bread and milk out of a supermarket. Baked chicken wings, fine. But replacing hot sauce with “fresh spices”? I must be poorly educated (I went to Rutgers) because I’m almost 25 and never knew that hot sauce was some destructive condiment for morbid gluttons. Learn something new every day. I love when Rutgers tries to be all fancy. One of my favorite saying is as follows. You. Can’t. Shine. A. Turd. Might get that put on my headstone (that day might be here sooner than I think from all that hot sauce). Actually I had to look this up because I just don’t buy it. Here’s what I found:

“But let’s not ignore all the benefits of hot sauce because it really does do a lot of good for the body. Capsaicin, which is responsible for making chilis spicy, has been reported to decrease inflammation, relieve soreness and help fight prostate cancer.”

“Spicy peppers have amazing health benefits, but there’s a catch, of course. If spicy food is your thing, you could be eating your way to better health via your favorite condiment. A recent scientific study says hot sauce is good for you, especially if it’s paired with a little fat.”

Could be fake news but go ahead and ask me if I trust Google or Rutgers more. Damn. Tough one. I also love how the chef spearheading this says it will be “really good” Now I’m sold! Get this guy on Shark Tank with that pitch! Last time I trusted someone at Rutgers (an advisor) I ended up being a senior on the verge of not being able to graduate. The roasted turkey doesn’t sound too bad but the “chicken sausage with spinach on a whole grain English muffin” and the “vegetable cream cheese mixed at Rutgers and loaded with broccoli, squash and scallions” and “tofu and broccoli stir fry” is where I draw the line. This isn’t going to make students healthier. It’s going to leave them emaciated! There are two ways to curb hunger at Rutgers now. Drugs… and this new menu. At least it shouldn’t be too hard to fit into that formal dress now right? You want to make students healthier? How about renovating the College Ave Gym? Make it less of a sweaty shoebox and more of a, ya know, health and wellness facility? Or how about extending the hours? Maybe people want to get a lift or run in past 6pm on a Saturday before they get shitfaced? This news is tough to swallow both literally and figuratively but hey, at least you can wash it down with a coke product now =).

When you first hear Burger King, chances are the first thing that pops in your head isn’t chicken. In all likelihood the first thing you think of rhymes with bopper. Or schnopper. Sure BK has chicken fries and an original chicken sandwich that has been around forever but the reality is they have been searching for a premium chicken sandwich fixture on their menu the same way the Cleveland Browns have been searching for a franchise quarterback. Due to the popularity of other chicken sandwiches in the fast food game companies have felt added pressure to offer a quality chicken sandwich that can compete with the industries top sellers.

Enter the new Crispy Chicken Sandwich. According to Burger King, “Our New Crispy Sandwich is made with 100% white meat chicken filet, seasoned and breaded and carefully layered with fresh lettuce, ripe tomato, and creamy mayonnaise on a potato bun.” Sounds quite appealing. Reviews and word of mouth that I have seen and heard so far have been pretty positive too. It was time to put it to the test.

What I ordered: Crispy Chicken Sandwich meal (medium). No tomatoes. No mayo.

Cost: $8.31 with tax.

Verdict: First off, I only wanted to order the sandwich, without the fries and drink. The sandwich alone came to $5.19. At that point I felt the only logical option was to spring the extra 2 something and get the meal. They got me. It was supposed to be 7 bucks and change but somehow, someway came to $8.31. Rather than dissect the charges like an old lady at Shop Rite I paid and kept it moving. Time to eat. I unwrapped the sandwich (which came in regular paper, nothing that would make it feel like a premium item) and at first glance wasn’t all too impressed. It looked like a pretty standard chicken sandwich. The first thing I thought when I took a bite was that this tasted familiar and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized that the bun they used tasted identical to the one McDonald’s uses for their Buttermilk Deluxe Crispy Chicken Sandwich. Not to say that’s a bad thing as I actually like that bread but it just seemed odd for it to taste so similar to their competitor. As for the chicken? Good but not great. It was made with white meat but it wasn’t a plump, hearty breast of chicken. Here’s the thing, while this may be a decent chicken sandwich the price and overall lack of anything exciting won’t ever make me go out of my way for it. It tasted good, I liked the bread and it was pretty crispy but it doesn’t compete with say, Chick-fil-A or even come close. Chick-Fil-A tastes better and costs less. Go figure. I don’t want to spend $8 at Burger King for a meal. If I’m spending $8 I want to get a bunch of little things and fill myself up that way. For instance, you can grab 2 of their Original Chicken Sandwiches for $5. I’d much rather do that. Or if I were at Wendy’s you can have FIVE of their dollar menu ones. That may be excessive (it may not be) but I’m just making a point. Quality over quantity is one thing but when you’re at Burger King the goal is usually to get as much grub as you can for the lowest cost possible. Kind of disappointed. If you’re at Burger King and are craving a chicken sandwich then by all means go for it. But if you’re just in the mood for a chicken sandwich in general and have transportation or can walk then there are much, much better alternatives… and at a lower price.

There are some savages in South Jersey. Trust me. I would know. But Daniel Jones has just set the bar pretty darn high with his antics in Key West, Florida (another severely messed up state). I’m not even going to summarize, instead I’m just going to copy and paste pretty much the entire original article because it’s just too funny as is.

The Cinnaminson resident was reportedly seen around 6 p.m. last Friday driving the cart erratically through the white-house-lined streets of Bahama Village in pursuit of the red-headed cockerel.

“He was adamant about trying to hit the rooster,” Key West resident Vincent Vurro, who saw the whole thing unfold, told the newspaper.

As Jones swerved toward the bird, the cart rolled over, throwing the driver and two passengers onto the street, the newspaper reported. A female passenger suffered chipped teeth and skinned knees.

The rooster, however, proceeded safely to the sidewalk.

Jones was taken into custody, and reportedly fell asleep in the police cruiser on the way to the local jail.

After repeatedly sticking his fingers and shirt in his mouth, the newspaper reported, Jones allegedly scored a blood-alcohol content of 0.25, which is more than three times the legal limit in Key West.

He was jailed on suspicion of driving under the influence, and was released on his own recognizance the next day.

Efforts to reach him Wednesday were unsuccessful.”

Although this report is only a few paragraphs long, it feels like a Pulitzer Prize winning novel. So much to examine and break down. Where do I begin? “He was adamant about trying to hit the rooster”. First off, not sure if the driver would even know what adamant means. Second, you can’t not appreciate the drivers sheer tenacity and will. He was going to run over and splatter that rooster’s guts if it was the last thing he did. Except he didn’t. Also love the part about the two passengers flying out into the street too, with one of them chipping their teeth and messing up their knees. Wonder what they were thinking during that whole ordeal. Must have thought they were in a real life game of Crazy Taxi or Simpsons Road Rage (very underrated video game by the way). Were they in on this goose, er, rooster chase too? Then there’s the ultimate shot to the heart. The cold blooded sentence that really stings and shatters you. “The rooster, however, proceeded safely to the sidewalk.” Damn. I can just imagine that smug fucking rooster looking at these bozos from the sidewalk, sucking their souls with just his stare. Like Kevin McCallister grinning at The Wet Bandits immediately after ruining their lives. Was this the most cunning, elusive rooster ever or was this golf cart carrying the world’s saddest and most pathetic human beings on earth? I guess unless we get some video footage we may never know. I could go on and on with this one but I simply don’t have the mental capacity to dive even deeper. I guess not everyone from South Jersey was born a rocket scientist…

If you read Gratzfeed then you’re already familiar with our comprehensive guide to Philly’s best cheesesteaks. While we searched far and wide in order be as thorough as possible there were admittedly a few places we didn’t get to hit, one of them being Shanks. Located on Columbus boulevard, Shanks is a little joint right by the river that fits the mold of a typical Philly cheesesteak spot. It’s dive-y. After a trip to home depot my buddy and I swung by and put it to the test as we looked to unlock another notch on our cheesesteak belt, quite literally too.

What I ordered: Cheesesteak. American cheese. Fried Onions.

Cost: $8.75

Verdict: The bread was pretty good and the meat was solid. So it was good right? Eh, kinda. The cheesesteak was good but it didn’t really have anything special that separates it from the competition. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed it but it’s not a sandwich I would go out of my way for, especially with all of the other options close by. For $8.75 I thought they could have added more meat and perhaps that’s something they can do in the future to better stand out. I mean my hunger was satisfied after eating it but in my opinion eating a cheesesteak isn’t supposed to just fill you, it should effectively knock you out. This kind of reminded me of a slightly better cheesesteak you can get from say your local pizza spot, which isn’t necessarily a knock it’s just not a Philly elite in my opinion. Good, not great, if it’s put in front of me I’m not going to say no but I’m not trekking out of my way for it. You get it. Cool.

So my buddy’s been telling me about a place right near his work, Craftsman Row Saloon. Vouches for their food although he usually gets a salad. Fine. Then I started seeing Craftsman Row pop up on some Instagram food accounts. Then I saw their own page and something caught my attention like I was an 8 year old walking past KB Toys. “OFF THE MENU Buffalo Chicken Sandwich! Available upon request”. Well guess what? Gratzfood came. Gratzfood requested. Gratzfood ate. Shall we?

What it’s called: Buffalo Chicken Sandwich.

Cost: $9.50 + tax.

What is it exactly?: Boneless fried chicken in buffalo sauce, american cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, bleu cheese, bacon on a brioche (o la la) bun. Side of fries.

Gratzfood alterations: No tomato. No bleu cheese. I don’t have many kind words to say about bleu cheese. Substitute spicy ranch.

Verdict: The sandwich was amazing. I freakin loved it and am still on a high as I write this. The chicken breast was huge and tasty. The buffalo sauce wasn’t all too spicy but yet very flavorful. You get more of the buffalo taste than the actual heat, for some that may be a good thing and for others that may be a bad thing but I really enjoyed it as I wasn’t dying while eating this bad boy. Sometimes places overdo it with the sauce, I found this to be just right. Instead of bleu cheese I opted for their spicy ranch and I’m more than happy with that decision. They put it on the sandwich and then gave me a side of it which was clutch as I was pouring it on each bite and even dipping my fries. Perhaps the real game changer with this creation was the bacon. The bacon was thick and hearty and delicious. I mean, c’mon it’s bacon…on a fried chicken sandwich. Also, I don’t think I ever met a brioche bun I didn’t like. Anytime a place decides to use brioche buns for it’s sandwiches it never hurts, only helps. The fries they serve are just ok but they give you a lot and it doesn’t take much for me to chow down on a side of fries. I wish they were a little crispier but the main priority with this meal was the sandwich which simply rocked. I would easily recommended this and would gladly go and order it again. Apparently their brisket mac and cheese is also pretty delightful…til next time!