blogging since 2007 about European music, Eurovision, Melodifestivalen, travel, telly and a load of other stuff.

Sunday, March 03, 2013

Army of Lovers: you wanted drama, you got it

I think you'll all agree that it hasn't been a vintage Melodifestivalen season. And it's equally been slim pickings for the Swedish tabloids this year: there's no Bjorn Ranelid to rattle their cages, and the whole thing's been low-key by the usual standards.

So they must have rubbed their hands with glee a couple of days ago as it was all change in the Army of Lovers camp, after last Saturday's "mime-gate" scandal. Out goes Camilla "La Camilla" Henemark, sacked football manager-style after losing that all-important game. In comes previous member Dominika "La Dominika" Peczynski. But being Army of Lovers, you wouldn't expect a straightforward transition: oh no. Instead, an "open letter" from Alexander Bard....

Dear loyal pop Soldiers, this is an open
letter from Army Of Lovers members to Queen La Camilla ... Hurrah Hurrah
Apocalypse again and again !

Our Dearest Beloved Sister Camilla, Our Hundreds of Thousands of
Fabulous Loyal Fans, and The Chosen Few of the Rest of You Out There in
This Cold Cold World who dare to care

Please accept our sincerest and most heartfelt gratitude for the
hilarious months of joy and happiness we have shared with You, Our
Beloved Sister, during studio recordings, rehearsals, therapy sessions,
interviews, and performances in connection to The Original Army Of
Lovers’ participation at Melodifestivalen 2013. You are dearest to our
hearts, You are forever Our Beloved Sister, You are the undisputed
People’s Queen of Army Of Lovers. For all this, we are to You forever
grateful.

Your performance at Melodifestivalen in Malmö - from
Your fabulous entrance to Your royally ignorant attitude towards even
hitting the lipsynching right - make Yours quite possibly the
ultimate Army Of Lovers performance ever. Who cares about rehearsing
properly in advance, or hitting the right notes, when the world really
revolves around the Art of Entries and Exits? And since You practice
this Art with the ultimate superiority, how could Your performance
possibly be improved upon in any way whatsoever? It was flawless. You
are flawless.

Our Beloved Sister, what was Your
Melodifestivalen performance if not the quintessential celebration of
the Talented Untalented, the Victory of Charisma over Substance, the
Glamorous Amateur set against the Boring Professional, the Good Bad
Taste against the Bad Good Taste, the Ethic of Anybody with an Attitude
is born to be a Star? You personify all these qualities better than
anybody else on this planet. You are the proudest Ambassador of the
Heritage of Milli Vanilli, and for this we herald You as Our Eternal
Queen of Punk!

However, the show must go on! There are wars to
battle and win. Army Of Lovers have a huge task ahead of them, fighting
hatred and intolerance everywhere until everybody on the planet can
have sex with everybody else all of the time. In this year of The
Reformation of Army Of Lovers - in all its various incarnations - it is
time to take the next step. Just as generously as Dominika stepped aside
to let You, La Camilla, and the boys reunite as The Original Army
Of Lovers for Melodifestivalen, we now thank You for stepping aside to
let Dominika take center stage in the next reincarnation of Army Of
Lovers in this Golden Year of 2013.

We therefore today proudly
declare Dominika to be La Dominika, and in return we award You the
Ascension from La Camilla to Santa Camilla, The Enlightened Global Consciousness of Femme Fatale Hysteria, Our Living Saint! We will always
kneel before Your Altar on every stage we enter. You will always be
with us in our hearts. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, for Everything!

The Committee for The Continuation of The Reformation of Army Of Lovers

Alexander Bard Jean-Pierre Barda Dominika Peczynski Michaela Dornonville de la Cour Camilla ThulinWhat a P45 eh!! It wasn't long before the rumours started: that Bard didn't want La Camilla back in the group but had been pressured by SVT to reunite the original line-up. And given Camilla's high profile over the last couple of years, (sparked by a book which alleged that she had a relationship with the King of Sweden) then extra publicity would have been guaranteed for the band's comeback. And all publicity is good publicity, isn't that right Mr Björkman??But it's all gone horribly wrong and after that dire "performance" at Melodifestivalen of a not very good song, it makes you wonder if the comeback was worth all the bother.If you want to relive the band's glory days then a compilation album, the suitably titled "Big Battle of Egos" will be released on 27th March featuring all their best known tracks and a couple of new ones including the band's next single "Signed On My Tattoo".

This is who I am

My name is Laura. I have three blogs - EuropeCrazy, which was born on 11th March 2007, and its spin-off Planet Salem which came into the world on 1st December 2007, then along came EuropeCrazy's Random Ramblings on 11th October 2008.