"If 10 people moon Big Papi, they’ll be arrested. If 10,000 people moon Big Papi, they’ll tell their grandchildren they were there. Be there."

That’s Local Bargain Jerk – or at least that’s his screen name. Mr Jerk has launched moonbigpapi.com in order to provide what he deems as a proper goodbye for David Ortiz in his last game at Yankee Stadium. What motivated Mr Jerk to such a tribute?

“When Ortiz said, ‘I would like … at my last game for the people at Yankee Stadium to give me a standing ovation,’ I said to myself, ‘Yeah, and people in hell want iced water, too.’

The Fenway crowd saw Yankees legends off with polite cheers for Derek Jeter and sincere demonstrations of respect for Mariano Rivera. So now New Yorkers plan to return the favor by unleashing the pale, hairy, flabby asses of 50,000 dooshnozzles from Staten Island and Yonkers.

Frankly, I hope they do. I think it’s the perfect gesture for the occasion. Not because of what it says about Ortiz, but because it’ll perfectly describe the mood of Yankees fans about the three World Series he’s brought us.

8 comments:

So now New Yorkers plan to return the favor by unleashing the pale, hairy, flabby asses of 50,000 dooshnozzles from Staten Island and Yonkers ... You stay classy, New York.

I have received about 50 emails directly from the MBP.com site containing a similar sentiment. I reply the same way each time. I say:

Bostonians don't seem to be able to appreciate the irony in calling someone a "dooshnozzle" and then advising them to "stay classy" all in the same paragraph.

Dumb shits.

What's great is that the idiots invariably write into the MBP.com website and use their real email address. My technique in replying is as follows:

1) I search for the email address on Facebook.

2) I locate their Facebook page.

3) I learn something personal about them from what they've posted for their stupid friends.

4) I reply to their rude email left on the MBP.com site and "casually" reference the personal bit of info (publicly) shown on their FB page.

One woman who really pissed me off -- and who was quite nasty -- had written all over her FB page that she was quite fond of some stupid nail salon in metro Boston.

I wrote her a response like the above (i.e., not being able to appreciate the irony of calling someone a rude name and then telling them to "stay classy" all in the same sentence). I added that the next time she went to (Nail Salon Name), I'd be sitting in the next chair getting a pedicure and we could discuss the matter further.

I'm sure she pooped her polyester culottes at the thought of some evil NY stranger having tracked down her favorite nail salon. Mmmmm-bwahahahaha....

OHHHHH MAN LBJ!!!!! ...... THIS IS PHENOMENAL!...... TELL THESE SCUMBAGS..1) PAPI IS ON HGH STEROIDS NOW -(PROVEN)....AND 2) MANNY RAMIREZ WAS ON HGH STEROIDS- (PROVEN).... DONE.......... THAT'S THE END OF THEIR 3 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS! ....ERADICATE!!!!!

The MBP.com website received an insulting email from a guy in a town in New Hampshire. I used the Evil Empire Sleuthing Technique described above to locate his Facebook page. It turns out, he's running for the local school board in his town.

When I replied to his email, I reminded him and his fellow Red Sox fans that they lost any moral high ground they might have had due to their shabby treatment of A Rod in his final game at Fenway.

I signed the email using the name of his opponent in the school board race, followed by "xoxo".