Rhinoceros Table, Mr. Churchill? Thanks but No.

The Hills­dale Col­lege Churchill Project received a nov­el ques­tion: “After his 1908 African safari, Churchill’s taxi­der­mists ask if he wants a ‘Rhi­noc­er­os Table.’ What in the world is a Rhi­noc­er­os Table?”

What can it mean?

A fruit­ful source of trou­ble to the sports­man in Cey­lon, India, Africa, etc., is the prop­er treat­ment of an Elephant’s foot. This part, as well as the head, is a rec­og­nized tro­phy…. con­vert­ed by skill into innu­mer­able arti­cles of domes­tic util­i­ty…. Rhi­noc­er­os and Hip­popota­mus feet are treat­ed in the same way…. the pur­pos­es to which por­tions of anal­o­gous tro­phies may be put are var­i­ous and almost end­less. Many a sports­man, when he has arrived home, has wished he had rec­ol­lect­ed as much when on the field.

Churchill did not accept Row­land Ward’s enthu­si­as­tic offer of a Rhi­noc­er­os Table. Good. One can only imag­ine the stir today, as crit­ics dis­cov­er it and express their out­rage in The Guardian. Why, it’s bad enough that Churchill spent time exploit­ing Kenya’s wildlife, in addi­tion to gassing the Iraqis, starv­ing the Ben­galis, and fire­bomb­ing Dres­den.

And you thought you had every­thing? Only $210 will net you a rhi­noc­er­os table. See http://bit.ly/2wgnE3V

A 1908 ver­sion of the Rhi­noc­er­os Table being out of the ques­tion in the 21st cen­tu­ry, we did find an accept­able sub­sti­tute, per­haps even made of farm-grown palm­wood. Sure­ly this would please the enthu­si­ast remind­ful of Churchill’s brief escapade as a big game hunter, with­out vio­lat­ing the stan­dards of what we like to say is a more enlight­ened age. It would be a con­ver­sa­tion piece. But we would not like to have to dust it.