The thought of standing up and telling these people I was an alcoholic (which would mean admitting I was just like them) and then sharing some bit of my true self was fearful beyond words.

I didn’t go back to another AA meeting for a year. When I finally did venture out again, I only attended two meetings before I decided, yet again, that I had nothing in common with these alcoholic creatures and there was nothing at AA for me.

I wasn’t down on my luck. I hadn’t “hit bottom.” I wasn’t haggard and in bad health. I wasn’t religious. Heck, I wasn’t even really an alcoholic. After all, plenty of my friends told me I didn’t have a drinking problem – I just went a little overboard sometimes.

I talked myself out of it. Again. And again. And again. I could control this thing. I was a successful career woman. I was a mom. I was a multitasker. I could manage.

Until I couldn’t.

Two weeks ago, feeling nervous and very afraid, I walked into yet another AA meeting — about 13 years after I sat through that very first one, the one where I saw all those frightening creatures.

And there they were. Again.

The old men. The weary women. The young ones. The housewives.

But something was different.

Me.

I had come to realize that I was just like them. I was an alcoholic. I was out of control. I wanted what they had. I would do anything to get it – even if it scared me beyond belief.

And so I went to that meeting, holding within me the one requirement for AA membership: a desire to stop drinking. I was welcomed with open arms and hearts.

The most frightening hour of my life was my first AA meeting nearly 3 years ago. What a horror! Admitting that I had a problem didn’t give me any sense of relief, but seemed to turn everything upside down. But I stuck around and now can see how good life can be, sober, today. Thanks for your post.

Wow, I just stumbled across your blog after having undertaken a similar resolution 11 days ago (just about exactly a year from when you started yours…) I don’t know if I can pull it off…but your blog is certainly encouraging. 🙂

Thanks for your comment. Please understand, though, that I didn’t resolve not to drink for just a year. As an alcoholic, I needed to stop drinking forever, and the way for me to do that, I discovered, was one day at a time — and with the help of the Alcoholics Anonymous program. I couldn’t have done it any other way. I tried many different methods of moderation and regulation, but none of them worked, so it became clear to me that I needed to give AA a try. Thankfully, it did work, and after one year, I am resolved to continue for another year. And another. And another. Always taking it day by day. Good luck to you in your endeavor.