Bills offer you this comfort that no one and nothing else can ever offer. It's that comfort of knowing they'll always be around. Significant others break up with you or (if they want to) divorce you. Parents avoid or you find ways to avoid them. Siblings create lives for themselves that don't involve you. Children are meant to be raised until they can leave you and take care of themselves. But those Gotdamn bills stay around forever.

The annoying part of bills is they suck every bit of money out of your bank account. See, I have automatic payments set up to make sure I don't forget to pay anything. So month after month when I know a charge is due I patiently wait for the day that bill taps me on the shoulder and gives me this slight loving kiss as it drains every penny away from me.

It's sort of like that first man you have the best sex ever with. While the sex is good, something else about him is extremely annoying. You can't put your hands on it, but you also can't reject him when he comes around again. The difference between his bomb ass sex and bills is sometimes a man actually leaves and never returns. Once you start paying bills, there's no stopping. If you get another job those bills follow you. If you quit your job the bills pile up. If you happen to get married, you can split the bills with your significant other. You get the point.

You just have to love the bills like the babies that you birth, because they're a part of you forever.