June 17, 1992 (age 14)

Before I say anything else, I need to say this: I truly believe that I hate Curt. He is a whole gob of cuss words, which I choose not to write at this moment in time. The last time I wrote in here I was madly in love but I am now madly in hate. I feel so much anger right now that my handwriting is sloppy. WHAT A JERK!

I guess I should explain this emotional outpouring to you. On Saturday, June 13, 1992, my mother took me to the Olympia Church so that I could see Curt. Now I wish she wouldn't have been so kind. He was such an a-hole to me. I sat with him during church and stuff and he didn't talk to me and was completely bored (and boring, I might add). Then, when church was over, he said, "It is entirely too hot in here. I'm going outside."

Then he walked away. So I decided that there was no way in hell that I was going to follow that blankety-blank around, so I walked right past him. I started talking to Mikey (and we had a very nice conversation!) and Curt was talking to [Mikey's sister]. So when Mikey and I were done talking, I decided it would be polite to go over and say good-bye to The Jerk. When I walked over, he instantly stopped talking and just kindof glared at me. So [Mikey's sister] finally left and Curt wouldn't say one damn word to me.

I don't know what I did to him, but I am getting so sick of his b.s. I can't believe that he can be so mean to me.

After Saturday, I really sat down and thought about him and for the first time, I couldn't think of anything good about him. I have made myself look like a fool so many times for him. I was late to almost every class because I was with him. Whenever I had a break, I would look for him so that we could talk. I would ditch my friends for him. I would write him letters and tell him exactly how I felt about him.

Of course, to all those things, there is also bad stuff. I did get mad at him alot because he wasn't willing to do those things for me.

Another thing. I was ALWAYS honest with him. Too honest, sometimes, but at least I WAS HONEST. He, on the other hand, was not. He never told me how he felt. Some people say "he's just shy," but I don't believe it.

Also, he told [Mikey's sister] that I "treat him like shit." Where the hell did he come up with that one? I was so damn unselfish it is pathetic. Embarrassing, even. Anyway, when I asked him about it, he said, "I would never say anything like that because I don't think that at all."

Of course, I forgave him and was gullible enough to believe him. Where are my brains? What an idiot I am. And I cried so much over him! How could I have been so blind, so stupid? How could I have done this to myself?

When everyone thinks back to the last month of school, they'll think of me as Curt's slave. Or Curt's pet. Geez. I can't believe Liz still talks to me after what a fool I've been. I am definitely going to have to appologize to her at camp meeting.

Oh! I guess I forgot to tell ya. On the 19th of this month, I am going to Auburn camp meeting. Me and Liz are going to share a dorm room up there. We are staying from the 19th to the 27th or 28th. I can't wait! I've never been before. Hopefully it will be fun. I already have three bags of groceries packed and most of my clothes too. Me and Liz are (hopefully) going to have a blast. (By the way, I still hate that phrase.)

Mikey's going to be there. So is Brandon. I think Liz said he's even going to be staying in the same building as us. It will be fun to see all our friends. I hope I'm allowed to wear tank tops since that's all I have mainly. I guess there's really nothing they can do to stop me!

Unfortunately, I need to end this unpleasantly and mention Curt again. I wrote him a letter and mailed it Friday--the day before he was such a jerk. It says nice stuff. He never wrote back or called me. What an ass!