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3 Responses to “Self-Inflicted Violence: creating a menu of options for coping, even for living with grief and joy and fear and love…”

Losing Conor opened my eyes to a whole world of things. I now realize how short life is. Cliche but completely true. I surprised myself by not turning to cutting or burning. In any other situation I would have. At first I thought it was shock that stopped me. But two months later I still haven’t felt the urge and I think part of it is because I lost my twin. I know he wanted me to stop. He didn’t like the idea of me harming myself, regardless of my reasoning. I’m still not used to not having an urge to harm myself. I’m still completely shocked.
I love you Ruta. Thank you for this.

I love you too, Erin, and that doesn’t change, no matter what. If urges come, then that is what urges do, though we often judge ourselves for their coming. Everyone grieves however they grieve. I join you in the shock, the surrealness. Yes, Conor didn’t want you to cut. What is also true is that he understood the SIV, very well. I am always interested by how much I don’t want others to self-injure, in whatever way, but I tend not to have the same desires or compassion for myself… there are so many ways to self-harm, some of them sly, few as strongly reacted to as cutting, no? First we survive, then we heal, then we live wildly free, happeir than we could have imagined. At least that is what has worked for me!

May this place be one where we are here for each other, cutting (or other ways of SIV) or no longer needing it, to be a support and solid ground of understanding. I hope that others are interested in creating this place of safety and connection and inspiration…