Agony

After a child in my community committed suicide I became very invested in learning about suicide and how to prevent it. Along the way, somehow this poem came out.

And just like that my heart is broken. Shattered, like a hammer colliding with a fragile drinking glass. I see you hold her like you held me. My chest collapses into my heart. My splintering heart fogs my brain. And just like that my brain is broken. I can’t think straight. Or see straight. Or do anything like I used to do. I see my hand pushing me off the ground. I see my body walking towards you. But I am not in my body. I am foggy on the ground with wide eyes full of tears ready to spill. Spill like the rumors you spread about me. Why did I trust you with my secrets. Why did you shatter me into a thousand shards of pain. How do I escape this endless cycle of suffering and agony. I know how. I can’t think straight. Or see straight. Or do anything like I used to do. But somehow my hand is reaching for a knife I didn’t even know was there. And then my brain begins a count I wasn’t ready for. Brain says three. Brain says two. Brain says one. Hand holds knife. Eyes see the things you did to me. The world isn’t large enough for the both of us. Blackness.

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