Click to viewPeople around the world have been struggling to comprehend the tragedy that hit Japan on Friday. Even Fox News personality Glenn Beck! "I'm not saying God is... causing earthquakes," he told his Monday radio listeners. "I'm not not saying that either."

It only went downhill from there. "Whether you call it Gaia or whether you call it Jesus," he continued later, apparently drawing an equivalency between the earth mother of Greek mythology and the Christian son of God, "there's a message being sent." The message from Gaia/Jesus, he elaborated, is "Hey, you know that stuff we're doing? Not really working out real well. Maybe we should stop doing some of it."

And what, exactly, is this "stuff" we've been "doing" that's led the Prince of Peace and the mythological earth mother to team up and kill thousands of people in Japan? Beck doesn't quite elaborate, except to say that "I've got stuff on Hezbollah. Oh, I have stuff on radical Islam in America that'll make your eyes fall out." But this is not really what Beck is concerned with. He has the "answer," he says. And the "answer" is: "Buckle up. Buckle up, 'cause it's going to be a bumpy ride."

Oh, and he has a "safety tip":

Don't do anything stupid, what do you say we follow the big top ten. You can call them Moses' ten commandments, or ten rules of thumb. What do you say we start doing those things? Because the things we are doing really suck and they're not getting better.

So, from what we can tell, Glenn Beck's theory is that some kind of higher entity sent an earthquake to Japan because of "that stuff we're doing," which "really suck[s]." And some of that "stuff" may involve "radical Islam in America" and not following the "ten rules of thumb." Now, Glenn Beck's not blaming the earthquake on radical Islam! But he's not not blaming it on radical Islam, either.

It seems clear now that this hateful young woman is some kind of practical joker/performance artist. But that's okay! Because we have Glenn Beck, in real life, saying more or less the same thing.