A few days ago, India was shocked to hear the news of a mob of 200-odd people in UP beating to death a man who was rumored to be consuming beef. While there are many different serious issues involved in this situation, including why the beef ban makes no sense, and how the temple was used for entirely ‘un-temple-like’ matters, this post is about the mob and its mentality, and the reasons behind this mentality, if any.

India is no stranger to the concept of a mob. From the time of our struggle for independence from the British, mob demonstrations, protests, meetings, and rallies have been quite common. In fact, these mob gatherings played a very important role in gaining us our independence – Dandi Yatra and Bharat Chhodo Andolan, for instance. However, these were mostly peaceful gatherings, condoning non-violence as a principle. The violent part of our freedom struggle, albeit very important as well, was commandeered by individuals rather than groups.

Thus, it is really strange to see that the mobs of today are far from peaceful. Just a few months ago, an angry mob lynched a rape suspect after breaking him out of a prison in Dimapur. Companies and companies of police forces could not control the mob. The matter lies under investigation while even the guilt of the murdered suspect is not yet established. However, the cruelty with which this suspect was murdered remains for all to be seen.

It saddens me deeply to see how people have stopped believing in the criminal justice system or law enforcement, in general. The humongous number of cases of rape, assault, and abduction; and the general lethargy in prosecuting them has triggered a long-due avalanche of public outrage in our country. People want justice, and they want it right now! But wait! Is any of it really true?

Yes, there is public outrage. But is it over matters that really concern the public? How was it any of those 200 people’s business to prevent the unfortunate man from eating beef? They had a right of opinion, yes; but who in the world gave them the right to enforce their opinion on someone, let alone physically confront them over it? If they had a problem with him eating beef, the most they should have done is filed a report at a police station, if at all that were possible. (I know, the anti-beef law is ridiculous and denying people their staple food while proudly wearing leather shoes and belts is as hypocritical as it can get, but that merits a different blog post altogether. ) What gives them the right to kill someone? If the cow is sacred, isn’t a human life so too?

We have established that this killing makes no sense logically. Some people said to me that it is not a logical but a moral and sentimental issue. Educated people said this, no less. Again, the issue of how educated people fall prey to herd mentality or pandering merits another blog post. (And here I thought I had no topics to write about!) But for now, let’s see how this is (not) a moral and sentimental issue.

If we as a nation were that moral and sentimental, we would have stood up to the many issues that we face today. Take rape, for example. The Dimapur mob did kill a rape suspect when the outrage over numerous unsolved rape investigations was at its peak; but how many people from that mob regularly protest against inappropriate behavior in public places – the eves-teasing, the molestation, and overall unlawful intimidation? Oh and let’s not even open the can of worms called inappropriate behavior of domestic nature!

Don’t these so-called torch-bearers of moral conduct turn a blind eye towards countless “immoral” incidents that happen everyday around them, even when they are in groups?

I myself have been verbally abused in a crowded public bus, when a man whom I told not to lean on me launched a full-fledged filthy-worded sledging attack on me. He even threatened me of dire consequences – while the many men and women around me just watched. Verbal abuse is bad enough, but how many of us even actually interfere in what we can clearly see is a physical or sexual attack? Where does this “moral mob” dissolve then?

When Government officials ask hundreds of people for a bribe, why don’t they unite and use the power of the mob to make the officials see the error in their ways? I remember when I was in Engineering college, public buses routinely refused to let us board until all the seats were filled because we, as students, paid concession fares. Hundreds of students hence traveled standing, but none, including me, had the will to collectively negotiate or reason with the individual buses or with the public transport authorities. This same universal set of students was however more than eager to stage a protest at the university against the rule of introducing uniform attire in colleges. The situations I have mentioned are nothing compared to the heinous crimes that are being committed by mobs, but the underlying problems are the same.

Do mobs only act when it is absolutely illegal to do so? Why is it that a large group of people will shut down an entire market on the day of a strike, but they will not be “moral” or “sentimental” about a poor lonesome fruit vendor who can only have enough money for dinner if he sells enough fruit in the day?

Clearly, a different type of sentiment is at play here. Is it all politically motivated – someone actually pulls the strings and controls the mob after brainwashing them, while letting them believe that they are all in control? Do we as a society need to vent our frustration about the many problems of the world and take any easy route offered to us? Those easy routes mostly happen to be the wrong ones; but we have put out ourselves so much that we cannot retreat? Don’t at least some of us have a crisis of conscience while watching a fellow human being mercilessly beaten and back-off, or try to get others in our ‘united’ group to back off? Do none of these mob members take a moment to think about the consequences of their actions, both short and long term?

So many questions, I know! I am really baffled by all this ominous stuff. The truth is, I refuse to believe that human beings are inherently evil creatures. A few may lose their way, but as a society, we are bound by conscience to behave rationally, compassionately, and justly. At least I hope so. Wake up, fellow human beings! Social interaction or forming groups is what makes us human beings special. It is time to give a good, long thought to how we, as a group, should make each other better, and not worse. Let’s be a solid community,and not just a mob.

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Recently, I was contacted by Heather Von St. James, a triumphant survivor of mesothelioma. She wanted me to spread a word about this rare form of cancer. I must admit, I had never heard of mesothelioma before.

Mesothelioma is dangerous, yet avoidable. It mainly occurs due to asbestos exposure. It has been cured in rare cases, like that of Heather. It was quite inspiring to read about her victory over it.

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Here’s a transcript of an interview between a journalist and a typical young, educated, white-collared Indian.

Q: Do you think Indians, especially those of the younger generation, are racist?A: No way, man! It is well-known all over the world – We don’t indulge in racism! We are all-embracing…
In fact, the only race we do believe in is the race for betterment, for success – financial, social, traditional, emotional, and cultural! (They don’t call us the Gen-Next for nothing!) Plus, our culture is the greatest of all, re! Look at all those stupid Americans and Australians… harassing not only Indians, but their own country men living there! We are not like them at all. We believe in “Live and Let Live”!

Q: What is racism, according to you?A: Racism is being biased towards some races and discrimination and stuff.

Q: So, you are saying that none of us treat people of other races differently?A: Yeah, yeah, I know that those roadside boys keep whistling at foreign tourists and trying to pick them up. But they are just appreciating beauty – of what value is beauty if no one appreciates it?
And plus, most of these boys are outsiders – from the neighboring states and all, you know! They don’t stay in their limits sometimes; but they are like that only! We can’t teach them these things, right… yeh cheezein to khandaani hain! They speak their own strange languages, and don’t understand ours. But, however useless they are, they don’t do any real harm at all, so it is okay. And don’t even get me started on those originally from neighboring countries! Unka bhi to kuchh nahi ho sakta!

Q: So it is only they who are inclined towards racism?A: Well I can’t say that directly and be politically incorrect, right? I can tell you for sure that OUR community and state is awesome! We are all modern now! We even write “sub-caste no bar” in our matrimonial ads, for god’s sake!
Also, when my North Indian boss’s daughter wanted to marry a Southie, her family didn’t agree at first. Neither did her boyfriend’s. Different culture, different state, different lifestyle – how to adjust with all that, they both asked? Their point of view was correct in a way. Apne apne samaaj ke sab ladke-ladkiyan mar gaye the kya? But look at both their parents’ generosity and open-mindedness… after she ran away with her boyfriend and got married in court, they graciously welcomed the two of them back. Spent like a crore of rupees on the reception. Totally awesome, right!

Q: What about our internal problems related to casteism?A: Oh my God… what world are you living in? I am telling you everything’s changed now… Earlier people used to talk about untouchability and stuff. Now we don’t even get to see it anywhere! Well, may be in remote villages and all, but who lives in those anyways – not even a handful of people, I guess. We in the cities are much more modern now… what’s the harm in interacting with those other caste people, I say? It’s not as though they are going to come and live with us now!

Q: And what about discrimination against the “so-called” upper castes and lower castes, both? A: No, no, what upper castes and what lower castes? Everyone is just basically proud of their own caste and want the best for it – doesn’t mean we discriminate right? Sometimes things just happen… It’s India yaar!

Q: Recently there has been news of certain politicians being violent towards out-of-state vendors and businessmen. Do you approve of such tactics?A: See, tell me this – India is such a huge country, and a highly developing one at that! Even if we don’t allow people from other states to work in ours, they will surely get jobs in their own. Then why do they want to force the people in our state to seek employment elsewhere by filling up all our jobs? As for violence, it is unfortunate; but again, kya karein, it is inevitable sometimes.

Q: But don’t you think India is a free country and we can all live and work wherever we want in India?A: Yeah, we are a free country; but that’s why we all need to stay happy in our own zones, na! If no one is happy how will our country be united? And we are so liberal now…even the different castes are not constricted about employment and work. Our society allows Brahmins to run a business, Kshatriyas to become professors, Vaishyas to do blue-collared jobs and even Kshudras to enroll in armed forces… all these people are allowed to do things they aren’t supposed to – how much more liberal can we be, man! To maintain a balance, we need to have some boundaries, right. Without those, we will be like those Americans and Hippies and stuff.

Q: Okay, and what do you have to say about name-calling? Like in USA, calling African-American people Negros is considered politically incorrect as well as outright offensive. But here, people often use racially offensive nicknames. You just used the word ‘Southie’ in a previous answer.A: Arrey, those Americans create an issue out of everything. We just do the name-calling as a joke, man. Plus, it is the easiest way of referring to them. And don’t victimize them okay, they also have nicknames for our state and community. It’s just tit for tat. Now take the software analogy only… in our own company, we call those who test testers, those who code developers, and so on. Similarly, we have names for those from different states and with small eyes, dark skin, dim wits, tendency to show off, miserly traits, oily hair, gauche accents, country of origin, and so on. What’s racist about that!

Q: Okay then, any parting thoughts on this whole issue of racism?A: Well, I just want to say that we are not racists at all. No, no, indulging in racism is far, far beneath our glorious race, dude!

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For the past few days, the media has been abuzz with protests from various different groups about the increasing violence against women. While the vote is split between those who want capital punishment and those who don’t; while people argue about whether or not death meant the end of woes for the brave girl; while the guy-bashing is at its prime; a thought still hounds me…

What are we, as women, doing to fight against this violence and this terror? Is it enough to light candles? Is it enough to discuss furiously among ourselves? Is it enough to teach our male relatives to behave themselves? No, it isn’t, (although the last one is very, very important)! Is it also not our own responsibility to work towards preventing such things? And NO, by this I don’t mean that we should urge women to quit stepping out in the night or wearing what they like. That is not even the last thing I would ever dream of telling women to do. I am talking about how we need to change our mind-set. Because the fact of the matter is, we may scream our lungs out about how men should change their mentality, or how they should be punished if they don’t; but nothing is going to change until we change ourselves! Just like charity begins at home, women empowerment MUST begin with women. Here are a few pointers that I think will help us to begin with:

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1. Treat other women with respect

Unless and until we start respecting our own clan, nobody else is going to respect us. There goes a saying in Hindi “ek aurat hi doosri aurat ki sabse badi dushman hoti hai:” (A woman herself is another woman’s biggest enemy), and I think it is very true. How many cases have we heard wherein a woman tortures her daughter-in-law, or vice versa? How many times does a woman favour her sons over her daughters? Are there girls who think they can disobey their mothers all they like, but not their fathers? Oh plenty! We need to stop taking our own clan for granted.

Stop being jealous of women, just because they are women! We are all human beings; we all can co-exist peacefully and happily. We don’t fret as much if a male co-worker out-performs us, but let a female co-worker do so, and we immediately start pointing fingers, if you know what I mean. Why?

Some people, women included, believe that there are only 2 kinds of women – the good ones or the seedhi saadhi bharatiya naarisand the bad ones or the westernized sluts. And I want to tell all such people that they are disillusioned. We are on our way to becoming one global village, and whether eastern or western, whether seedhi-saadhi or tedhi-medhi, all women deserve to be respected. For that matter, even if the woman is a prostitute or a porn actress or whoever else, she does not deserve to be raped. No one does!

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2. Stop joking about crimes against women

I have actually fought with several of my friends about this: I strongly object to rape jokes in movies or in print. According to me, such jokes are not only not-funny, but are also extremely insulting to all women. One cannot make fun of another woman’s agony, and certainly not if it is as damaging as a rape. In fact, any joke that disrespects a woman only plants a seed of overall disrespect towards women. Some of my friends argue that such jokes are only meant for innocent laughs. But I’m sorry, I think there is neither anything innocent about them, nor can their negative impact be ignored!

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3. Learn a self-defence technique or two

We HAVE to learn to defend ourselves when there is any sort of a physical attack.

Apart from several self-defense moves, there is Karate, kickboxing, and several other fun-to-learn sports that can help you defend yourselves. If physical resistance isn’t your thing, try keeping a pepper spray handy. And in case you don’t have any of these things, try verbal self-defense. Be ready to firmly tell the man to stop or to alert the people around you. Be prepared to do anything to not resign to what you are being subjected to.

One of the biggest excuses I have heard women give for tolerating crimes against them is “How much can we resist? Men are by nature physically stronger than us.” Although I know that is technically true, and I don’t advocate violence; this doesn’t mean that we should not put up a fight. I believe that if an attacker has the slightest doubt that the victim will resist, a large part of his resolve will evaporate. In fact even if you are never subjected to any attack (and I sincerely hope you never are), knowing that you will be able to defend yourself in case you are, will give you a lot of self-confidence.

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4. Do not depend on men for day-to-day things

My best friend Maya and I, even when we were young teenagers, always wondered why we make a taboo of certain areas that are “dangerous for women”, and don’t go there alone, for example on the streets of Gurgaon or Noida, after dark. We always take a male “protector” with us.

Now, it is not that I have never asked my male friends or colleagues to drop me home or elsewhere at night. I have done it several times, and I admit my weakness. But just think about this: if I knew there would be 20 other girls travelling alone at that time on that route, I wouldn’t have been scared to go alone; in fact, I wouldn’t have been alone at all!

Similarly, if 100s of girls can travel on Gurgaon streets with their respective male companions, they can travel there without them too… because face the facts – there are 10 perverts out there, and 100s of us! If we are all united and stand up for each other, there isn’t much we need to be afraid of.

Learn to drive. Carry only as much baggage as you can lift yourselves. Stop unnecessarily boosting male egos – it is one thing to do it because a person cares for you and another thing because that person is a ‘man’!

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5. Do not blame yourself for any crime against you, blame yourself for tolerating such crimes

Always remember that no matter what, a man has no right to touch you without your permission. So do not ever feel that this happened to you because “I used to smile at my company cab driver” or “I went alone to a discotheque” or “I wore shorts in a lonely neighborhood or “I fought with an auto-rickshaw driver for change” or anything else.

Rape is not the only crime against women; there are several others of lesser heinousness… crimes that I’m sure all of us have faced, and most of us have tolerated without a word. Eve teasing, pinching and groping at public places, vulgar actions and display of obscenities, name-calling, dowry-torture, etc. etc. Remember, no one has any right to even verbally abuse you, or pass lewd comments on you or harass you any other way. We are not to be blamed for these misdeeds.

If we have anything to be blamed for, it is for taking these crimes in our stride. It is for our overall lack of empathy towards other women who face such crimes. It is for hiding the crimes of male relatives or friends. So please, fight against these crimes without fear.

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6. STOP giving excuses such as practicality or tradition for your support to male chauvinism

Many men, some of them my own friends, justify dowries by saying things like “It’s our tradition”, “ it is a return of investment – of dowries we paid in our sisters’ weddings”, and even audacious things like “ghar aayi laxmi ko kabhi na nahin bolte “(an old Indian saying – never refuse the wealth that approaches you – it’s bad luck). The worst part is many of my female friends think it is fine to give a dowry as long as your family can afford it. I feel nothing but pity towards these friends.

Even today, when I hear a woman saying she is “extra-happy” because she gave birth to a boy, I am scandalized. If I ask her whether she would have had an abortion in case of a girl, she furiously denies; says it’s only because her family will be happy that she wished for a boy. She insists that she or her family are not killers. What she does not realize is that there is hardly any difference. As it is said, it all starts with a thought. If she is willing to wish for a baby boy due to a little societal pressure, goodness knows what she will do if she is subjected to too much of it.

Stop belittling yourself, whether you earn money, or not. When you are in a family, it is your emotional support that counts. And if you still don’t believe me, ask women who earn much more than their husbands about whether they face domination.

Stand up for yourself! You are yourself before being someone’s daughter, wife, or mother. Fulfill your responsibility towards yourself first. Say no to anything that is insulting to you as a woman – gender bias at home, eve teasing, rape, sexual harassment, kanyadaan (yes, it is high time we recognize that we are not anybody’s property to be given away, not even our fathers’!), dowry, female foeticide, overall male domination, and so on… the list is really very long!

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7. Help and empathize with those who face sexual crime

If a woman is raped, it is not her fault. Welcome her back into her own world, respect her and her experiences, and ease her back into her normal life. Yes, the trial for justice will take some time, but don’t do injustice to her by secluding her or even pitying her. She is still as much a woman as you are. Always remember that!

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There is a lot more that I could write on this topic; the above list is not at all comprehensive; but that would make this post too long for its own good. Hence, let me stop here, for now. I am sure that if we start with these little things; we can do our part in changing this world.

I know many people, both men and women alike, are not going to like this post. Nevertheless, I believe that if we want to see change, we are going to have to be bold and change ourselves.

Before ending my post, I would like to remind all women, that men are not our enemies. I am sure there are as many great men out there as there are bad or weak ones. So while being a feminist, do not be a chauvinist. The idea is to fight oppression, not to oppress in return.

Please do let me know what you think about this post – and let me know any other ideas that you have.

Remember:

We are NOT a weak or an inferior sex!

We are not ‘property’!

We never ‘ask for it’!

We cannot wait for others to fight our battle!

We must treat every woman’s battle as our own – because it could happen to us someday!

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A 14 year-old girl from Patil Estate slum got raped by fellow slum-dwellers last month. She was coming back home from work when the incident happened. After this incident, the slumdwellers have been afraid of sending their daughters to school…

What do you all have to say about this? “Oh yes, we hear about rape cases all the time!!”, or “Tch tch, how unfortunate!” , or “It’s a bad bad world out there!”, and even “Why did the girl venture outside ? Was she going to meet her boyfriend??”? Someone slightly angrier shall also say, “The rapist should be burnt alive, only then will people be afraid to do that!” Somebody apathetic will say, “oh, but what can we do, we are the Third Person, we can never fully comprehend or cure the situation!” In fact, I think even if all of us feel any of the other things mentioned above or not, we all shall invariably blurt the last one, “what can we do??”

Wake up guys, we are not, and never were the third persons! A crime as heinous as rape, is not a crime towards someone else, it is a crime towards the society, towards OUR society. Rape doesn’t just affect the rape victim, but it leaves a deep gash on many many others. Take the example of the Patil Estate rape, the poor girl was traumatised, at the same time, lots of other girls and their parents began to live under the constant fear of RAPE, so much that they even began forbidding their daughters from going to school! Tomorrow, if such a crime happens in your locality, you also will start being extra careful about your daughters/sisters or other female relatives! And thereby spread the most dangerous thing in this world…fear!

It is this fear that actually makes rape an ‘unavoidable crime’ in our society, about which we claim to be able to do nothing. It is this fear that makes rape an ‘irrecoverable harm’, affecting the soul, mind and character, more than the body of the victim. It is this fear that prevents us from speaking and acting openly against this disgusting display of the so-called ‘power’ of men, and the vulnerability of women against all but one attacks – attack on their so-called vulnerability!!

This is the time to wake up and realize our responsibilities friends! We need to protest!! Someone’s mother, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, friend, nanny, servant, teacher, and so on, gets raped, we read about it, express our ‘displeasurean disgust’ and go on with our lives. It’s high time we do more.

I am not saying that we all take law into our hands and trace and ‘punish’ the guilty. No we can’t do that, but we can do much more!! We can spread awareness about this issue, we can be brave and speak up about this issue, we can stop judging the heinousness of a rape attack on the basis of the victim’s ‘character’, we can encourage the women around us to be fearless, we can encourage the men around us to look at women with a sense of equality, we can educate our youngsters about how important respecting women is, we can stop being the viewers, and participate in eradicating violence against women, there are so many many things that we can do…

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Okay, okay, i’ve been outta circuit for quite some time now, I agree….

Was just going through the grinds of life shall I say…and am still, but I am tired of making it an issue, and don’t plan to do so, any longer!!!

Yeah, so what “interesting” stuff was I doing while I wasn’t here? Well, reading, teaching, and watching movies!! Didn’t travel or trek much, thanks to the bad weather and bad health….uh oh…change the topic!!! :-))

Yeah, so let’s start with reading (i know a book review is long overdue!!).

After a loong time, I got out my copy of Khaled Hosseni’s “The Kite Runner”. Read it in two nights flat, and my oh my, wasn’t it incredible!! The author managed to actually recreate the whole Afghanistan scene for the readers. The story, a unique tale of immaturity, faith, loyalty and a journey towards redemption, was so nicely unfolded in this book, that I got completely absorbed in that book, I even cried a couple of times!! And Hassan’s character, I think is one of the most well-writtn and yet unfathomable characters I’ve come across!! My heart goes out to the sheer innocent loyalty and, how should I put it, apnapan that he shows towards Amir, the protagonist. Ammazzing, divine, one of its kind!!

And since I liked The Kite Runner so much, I also got hold of A Thousand Splendid Suns, by the same author. This book tells the story of two women in Afghanistan, who are so unlike each other, and yet finally find solace in standing up for each other. Engrossing and with its heart in the right place, all this book lacked, to be mentioned in the league of The Kite Runner was , ofcourse, Hassan!!

Then I also read Digital Fortress(nice, but very Sidney Sheldonesque), Bourne Ultimatum (good, but not my type really!!), and the Twilight Series!!! About the last one, It needs a sperate blog post to give it full justice!! :-)))

Currently I am reading The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. This is also an ammmazingly insightful book, and I am already bowled over it. Just fathom these lines on freedom:

“You shall be free indeed when your days are not without a care nor your nights without a want and a grief,

But rather when these things girdle your life and yet you rise above them naked and unbound.”

Intriguing aren’t they?? I am already a big fan of this author!! Hopefully, when I am finished with reading the book, I will have much more to blog about it…

Then, movies, well it’s been mostly watching movies on DVD, because of the multiplex strike and the swine flue scare!! Nevertheless, I managed to catch up on a “critically-acclaimed” Marathi movie Gandh (Smell), which went right above my head and contained grey cells!! Also watched the suppper dupper hit marathi movie (again) Mi ShivajiRaje Bhosle Boltoy, which had some good intutive dialogue, but was average otherwise.

And last, but not at all the least, have been teaching: not just English Grammar this time, but also some interesting newly-learnt life-skills stuff. This too, deserves a seperate full-length blog post to make full justice to it.

Ahh, it already feels good having written so much…hopefully will be back soon with more!! Cya people!!

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After a tiring and yet ful-fillling saturday (Wednesday- good movie!!, teaching at Eklavya Nyasa, a visit to the Ganpatis of Pune, and a 90 minutes walk from PMC to KP!!!!), I was just beginning to chill at the CCD(Devil’s Own..wowww). Suddenly I happened to glance at the Plasma TV screen, and whhaaattt… SERIAL BLASTS ROCK DELHI!!!! That was the breaking news being shown on a news channel. And I was like…..WHAT THE HELL is going on here????

Bangalore, Jaipur, Ahmedabad, and now our National Capital!!!! What do these terrorists think our cities are – Bomb testing grounds?? What do they think our people are – guinea pigs to their sadist fancies??? I mean, WHAT THE HELL,man!!!!

Now you must be thinking, why has this girl suddenly got agitated? Bomb-blasts are a common thing now-a-days! (Believe me, a friend actually said that to me!!) I think not…I get more and more angry with every passing attack!! C’mo guys, once can be mourned, twice can be tolerated…but how can you see such things happening to your fellows again and again and again????

As the news and the gory pics started flashing, I called up my Delhi friends to enquire about their safety.. Half of them didn’t even know that such a thing had occured! They and the rest who did, were fine, thankfully!

I was all the more enraged on knowing the locations of the bombs…Karol Bagh, Cannaught Place, Central Park, Gretaer Kailash!! Again WHAT THE HELL!!! Aimed at places that are so much frequented by commoners!!! How can you aim to kill hundreds of people, just like that?? I mean, no human can do that!! Worst of the worse, 1 bomb out of the 3 diffused was in a children’s park!! Children’s park?? CHILDREN’S PARK???? We’d seen this happening in trains, buses, temples, bus stops….. But which pathetic sadist would want to plant a bomb in a children’s park???? Isn’t there even an ounce of virtue/ humanity left in these terrorist orgs???

The irrational long mail sent by IM said that this was to avenge the bad treatment dished out to muslims…Pray how did they ensure that no Muslim got killed or even hurt during these blasts?? Just WHAT THE HELL do these guys think they are doing??????????