Ball Position and Yims and their relation to Perl’s Constitution
Sunday, Aug 21 2011

Ball positioning is pretty damn important. The need for good ball positioning in your golf stance can be compared to the importance of me having Yims Wok 4 or more times per week. Now if you dont know about Yims Wok you better find out. The aroma of delectable chinese food fills the air like a fat kid fills a delta coach seat. The bottom line is, if you live within 10 miles of Yims and are getting your chinese food from anywhere else your a good damn rookie. Let me give you my daily rundown of Yims eating,

Thursday: Spicy general Tsao Chicken with fried rice and an eggroll and Red Gatorade I go hard on thursday, aint no fuckin around with peasantry.

Saturday: Spicy chicken with brocolli with white rice and a water

Basically Yims makes China look like a bunch of retards. They don’t offer you these bullshit chopsticks, they tell you listen: Our food is pretty god darn delicious. We want you to chow down with a device constructed by an american genius, not some sticks that poor chinese peasants that cant afford silverware use. Now that I’ve spread some knowledge on Yims I would like to delve into ball positioning.

Listen ball positioning can be explained in a simple language. You don’t need no rosetta stone to understand it. All you gotta know is that you cant just set up to a golf shot and not think about where you want the ball in relationship to your stance. Its comparable to every time Belgrad steps into the Hper. The mistake has already been made, the results are predetermined and wont turn out good. Lets start with the driver, with this shot you are going to place the ball an inch to two inches away from your left front foot’s thumb toe (for righties). For every other club you should place the ball closer and closer to your back foot. The reason being is because each club gets shorter in length and will make impact with the ball at a sooner point. For instance the pitching wedge is a short club and will thus be a shorter wing, for the Pitching wedge you want the ball directly in the middle of your stance, maybe even closer to your back foot. This information applies to standard shots. Now I’ll delve into situations in which you can manipulate ball positioning to change ball flight.

For all you scramblers out their like Elbaum aka the scrambled egg you probably would like information on how to blast the ball low and fast through the trees. In order to do this you want to place the ball directly in line with your back foot and take a short steep swing on the ball with a short follow through. The reason you want the ball this far back is because you will hit it at a steeper angle thus keeping the ball on a lower trajectory. You usually want to use these punch shots with clubs like 3 iron through 6 iron because they induce lower trajectories anyway.

If you are ever stuck in the trees and somehow can hit it over them you’ll want to put the ball in the front of your stance and use a higher lofted club like an 8 iron through PW. The reason putting the ball in the front of your stance induces a higher ball flight is because you hit it later in the swing and catch it on the upswing. This shit is science my fellow jews and people of other religion. I have been in the laboratory messing with beaker bottoms and other nerdy devices and the hypothesis has been proven Correct.

Bottom line is, the shorter the club the further back it should be in your stance. Your checkpoints can be 7 iron should be directly in the middle of your stance, and Driver should be close to your front foot.

Right now my ankle is broken and I am unable to kill the Long Island circuit while making the most seasoned of veterans look like amateurs. My ankle will soon heal and likes of Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson will soon hear PERLY J exploding up the leaderboard and raking in fed ex points like Bill Gates rakes in Cheddar.