Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

If you are visiting this blog, you probably have some interest in the swinging or poly lifestyle. Google Analytics tells me that visitors come to this site when they have relationship questions as a result of either an interest in, or an issue with, the swinging lifestyle. I’m always honored when people email me with questions or just to let me know that something they’ve read here has resonated with them and helped them clarify their personal understanding of swinging or open relationships.

That being said, I’m not a relationship expert, nor a sex educator, per se. Instead, I’m here to provide a place where those who are interested in understanding the inner workings of an open/swinger/poly relationship can find a point of view that, I believe, is becoming increasingly unique. My husband and I have been together for over 20 years, having engaged in sexual experimentation with multiple partners nearly that entire time. We take breaks, but we’ve never officially decided that we are “leaving” the lifestyle. I think of this as a place where those with questions can find a new perspective from a “friend” who has maybe been in a similar situation. I strongly believe in the power of healthy relationships and communication; and I want to share what I’ve learned with anyone who might benefit.

I’m working to find more ways to expand that vision beyond this site. When I’m browsing Craigslist, I find couples searching for someone to help them figure out how this swinging thing works. In my real life, I see so many men, women, and couples who are confused about how to deal with the feelings that surface when you start exploring alternatives to monogamy. Personally, when I’m searching for insight on specific issues or concerns, I rarely find the personal perspective that I’m looking for.

I recently had the pleasure of attending Catalyst Con, a convention focused on sex positivity. I had the pleasure of meeting people from all walks of life who are striving to promote sex positivity from their unique perspective. The group included sex workers, sex toy experts and manufacturers, retailers, pornographers, bloggers, social activists, podcasters, writers, and even former U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Jocelyn Elders. It was an exciting weekend and taught me that my voice is unique. Swinging is more prevalent than most people realize. There is a strong social aspect to this lifestyle which goes beyond the sex for most people. Our voice is an important one in the conversation about sex positivity.

I’ve written up a skeleton outline for two workshops that I’d like to facilitate with real couples in real space/time. I like to think of it as a way to meet face to face with some of those couples who are either new to the lifestyle or those who have been around a while, but are maybe experiencing some struggles. I’m exploring some options for writing outside of this site. I’ve never been really great at search engine optimization, and I realize that means my message isn’t reaching everyone it could. I did a guest spot on the Sex is Fun podcast earlier this year and am hoping to meet more pod-casters and their listeners in the future.

If you are a reader with any ideas about where and how I can expand my reach, I’d love to hear from you!

9 Responses to “Expanding Swinger Perspectives on Sex Positivity”

I love that you have a passion for your message and want to help others by sharing your message. One other way might be to connect with groups or individuals that are doing research which can lead to great exposure on sex positive concepts or whatever message you want to spread. Just a thought…keep up the journey!

I found this on a different site referencing some recent research at u of Michigan. Thought it might be of interest in terms of connecting with researchers. -MJ

Terri Conley, a professor of psychology and women’s studies at the University of Michigan who studies polyamory, has analyzed a sample of 1,700 monogamous individuals, 150 swingers, 170 people in open relationships, and 300 polyamorous individuals for a forthcoming study. The Atlantic says, “polyamorous people don’t seem to be plagued by monogamous-style romantic envy.”
Multiple Lovers, Without Jealousy (The Atlantic)

Hi Sabrina. My husband and I have been swing for about a year now and I just got around to telling my twin brother about it. We talk about any and everything. Well, he wants to try the lifestyle, but his wife doesn’t. For some reason she does not mind if he wants to try it, but she wants not part of it. He is frustrated because all of the clubs want couples or single women. Could you ask around about what he should do? I am not going to a party with my brother.

In my opinion, probably the only thing harder than being a single guy in the lifestyle is being a married guy who plays without his wife. People can be very cautious and skeptical about this type of situation. I would encourage your brother to do the same thing I encourage anyone to do who is starting out in this lifestyle. Be ready to get to know people on a basic level, without expectation for play. People generally invite people they like to their parties. Once you’ve made a good name for yourself, you’ll find that you start getting more party and play invites.

I met and liked a group of people in a platonic situation later to find out they were all either swingers or open. I really like them as friends. I accepted their lifestyles…more in some cases than they have accepted mine. Several of them trying to convince me I am bisexual. Which I feel is ultimately for me to decide.

One woman I became platonic friends with in particular. I adore her as a person and I know she adored me as well. We had become each others support system for a year. She is a swinger and has a boyfriend (had a husband who she recently left). But she has never told me she is a swinger herself, not even brought it up. Other friends have. I have no interest in being together with them as a couple. I see them as friends just like any other friends. I feel like because I am not a swinger that I am being pushed away. I love this friend dearly and I think she is taking my feelings to be something associated with wanting to be fuck buddies. It’s so frustrating. I don’t want to be her fuck buddy. And it is not because I am not attracted to her..I am. But I know what I want for myself and being in an open relationship is not it. I want a partner. Since she is not a lesbian nor is she available outside of swinging, I wanted to have a platonic friendship with her instead. It is almost as if she is not capable of being friends with me because I don’t fit into her lifestyle. It seems like a dumb question…but do swingers have straight or gay/lesbian friends that are just friends. A lot of my friends are straight. But it seems like this group either only wants to hang out with people they can play with or try to convince the people they hang out with to turn into people they can play with.

Am I wasting my time trying to make just friendship connections within this group dynamic?