Oilers fans had previously made headlines for disturbances on Whyte Avenue. People have been stabbed, assaulted, and stores have been vandalized.

Stabbed? With what? Stabbings are usually methodical. Fans just had knives on hand? Unless… Snikt!1

Thoughts on X-Men: The Last Stand not involving Juggernaut:

Cyclops is the Meg Griffin of Fox's X-Men. What a waste of a good character. Isn't he the leader of the X-Men in the comics? I hope James Marsden's role in Superman Returns justifies his pathetic Last Stand cameo.

James Marsden  say that ten times fast.

Arclight's gender bothered me the whole time. Its mannish features clashed with its sports bra and "she" designation. "Are there transsexual mutants?" I wondered.

Tell me this doesn't look like a tranny.

For the record, Arclight is a woman.

Mystique would never use a lame insult like "meathead." She kills in cold blood, for fuck's sake! Rebecca Romijn's flat delivery didn't help matters. Kitty Pryde's use of "dickhead" came off awkward too. Surely a PG-13 rating allows for more zing than grade school name-calling.

Flipping past the History Channel's history of cocaine, I stumbled upon Sand Blasters: The Extreme Sand Sculpting Championship.

Comcast's description:

Eight two-person teams of sand sculptors try to build a sand masterpiece in 11 hours for a $15,000 prize. Their work-in-progress could be randomly selected to be blown up, and they'd have to start over.

As someone who's lost hard-wrought work to crashes and power outages, I fail to see the fun of such a competition. The fifth and final team to fall victim to detonation only had two hours to rebuild from scratch.

I pity whoever's job it is to update Oprah's billboards (plural) daily. Does she really need to advertise her show?

I've been playing tourist this week.

On Tuesday, I visited a Chris Ware exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary Art. The geometric intricacy of his work never ceases to inspire awe. If John Severin didn't exist, Chris Ware would be my favorite illustrator.

Yesterday, I visited the Shedd Aquarium. While I understand the need for displays to simulate natural environments, reptiles and amphibians in their "natural" environments can be impossibly frustrating to see. One frog I spent three minutes locating turned out to be a cockroach.

I also mistook beluga whales for dolphins. "How did I miss the fuckin' whales?" I thought, checking and re-checking my map, later realizing that the dolphins in the whale habitat were, in fact, whales. I assumed the whales would be larger. I expected Moby Dick or Shamu.

The "natural" environment for fish of the Great Lakes was concrete and some rusted metal.

On the train ride home, I perused the back page of the Chicago Reader's classified section.

Miss Klugh: [to Michael] We'll free both you and your son for the safe return of our man and the names on this list.
[Klugh's list reads "Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley"]

Michael: Let's go after Walt! Us five!

Eko: [to Locke] If you don't push the button, I will.

2-23 "Live Together, Die Alone"

Charles Widmore: Stay away from my daughter, Desmond. She's moved on.

Part-Time Office Assistants

Small arctic outpost is looking for part-time office assistants to monitor electromagnetic anomalies. Candidates should be able to work independently.

Compensation: competitive
This is a part-time job.
no  Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
no  Please, no phone calls about this job!
no  Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
no  Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.

[phone rings]Penelope Widmore: Hello?Ruskie: I think we found it.

Locke: One minute left. Eko nearly killed himself trying to blast the door open after we locked him out, but his cooler head will prevail when I show him the button ain't shit. No whammies! Heh.Desmond: Whammies… Oh fuck! You have to push the button, dude! I was late one time and this island generated a magnetic cataclysm which I think crashed your plane! Push the button now!Locke: How 'bout I do this instead? [destroys the button]
[time expires, a magnetic cataclysm begins to destroy the hatch]Locke: Oops. My bad. [pause] Where are you going?Desmond: To save the day.
[Desmond crawls underground, activates a key switch, the sky turns violet, a loud noise deafens all island residents]

Locke: Why did you come back?Desmond: I couldn't bear not knowing what happens when the mysterious button is left unpushed.

Two months earlier…

[Desmond catches Kelvin trying to flee the island on his boat and kills him]Desmond: Shit! The button!

Desmond: Where am I?Kelvin: You washed ashore. I carried you into the hatch. [clears throat] What did one snowman say to the other?Desmond: Fidelio?Kelvin: Oh you've got to be kidding me! You're not my replacement?

Meanwhile…

Henry: [to Mr. Friendly] Where's your beard?Tom ("Mr. Friendly"): I think they know.Henry: [sigh] Help these days… [to Michael] You, take your son and leave. [to Hurley] You, return to camp and tell everybody to keep away from here. Your friends are coming with us.Hurley: Who are you people?Henry: We're the good guys.

Fin.

Next season on Lost:
[an Other leads Jack into a cavern]Jack: Holy shit!?: Listen, doc, if you can ignore my size and appearance for a sec, I'm in desperate need of a foot. I went out for a walk one day and all of a sudden the ground started leaking liquid nitrogen.

It was during Matilda that I decided against pursuing a career as a film critic. Seeing movies for a living sounds cool until you realize what you have to see. Even at age 13, children's flicks tested me.

I recently finished reading Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson and, reluctant to start another book until after my move back to California, I've been passing time with my flatmates' back issues of Blender.

I know, I know… But Parade costs money!

Nowhere is Blender's shoddy journalism more evident than in the blurbs for its "20 Songs You Should Download This Month" feature.

Following its popular fashion competition Project Runway and cooking competition Top Chef, Bravo is developing Heads Up, a battle for hairstylists, Top Decorator, a battle for decorators and The Inn Crowd, a battle for bed-and-breakfast owners. [source]

The press release announcing the June 20 DVD release of the film "The Hills Have Eyes" includes a severed ear in a styrofoam take-out container. Among the not-so-subtle touches are red splatters on the bottom of the package and a tuft of hair still attached to the congealed fake blood on the inside of the lobe. [source]

[the band of Others arrive at the Others' camp]Miss Klugh: Hello, Michael. I'm Miss "Clue." Call me now for your free reading!
[pause]Miss Klugh: That was a joke.Michael: Where's my son?Miss Klugh: I'm gonna ask you a few questions.Michael: Where's my son?Miss Klugh: Have you ever seen Walt in a place he wasn't supposed to be?

Miss Klugh: Change of plans, Michael.Michael: Where's my son?Miss Klugh: Your people captured one of ours.Michael: Where's my son?Miss Klugh: We'll free both you and your son for the safe return of our man.Michael: Where's my son?Miss Klugh: However, in addition, we also want the names on this list.
[Klugh's list reads "Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley"]Miss Klugh: So the question is: Deal…or no deal?Michael: Where's my son?Miss Klugh: Oh will you shut up about your son already? [sigh] Bring him in!
[Walt enters]Walt: Dad!Michael: Walt!Walt: Dad, the Others are posers. They're pretending!Miss Klugh: Walt…Michael: Yeah, I figured as much. I mean, what kind of name is Mr. Friendly? [pause] So what have you been up to?Walt: They've been testing me.Michael: Tests?Miss Klugh: Okay, that's enough. This show needs to last a few more seasons.

Michael: Why did you ask Sayid to join us?Sawyer: Because he was in the army and none of us were?Michael: Goddammit, Sawyer! He's a liability! Sayid has his own agenda. This mission is about my son, not Henry!Sawyer: Okay, okay… Sorry… I'll rescind my invitation right now.Michael: No, I'll do it.

Michael: We leave tomorrow.Hurley: We?Michael: Don't you want to avenge the death of Libby? You know, lay the smack down on Hank and his mates?Hurley: Eh. I'm an eater, not a fighter.Michael: But what about my son?Hurley: What about him?Michael: We have to rescue my son! 9-11! Weapons of mass destruction!

I want Yao Ming, the basketball player, to be in it. I want to recreate the fight sequence from the Bruce Lee movie where he fights Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, but I want to do the reverse; I want Chris Tucker to fight Yao Ming. [source]

Guitarist Dave "Brownsound" Baksh has left Sum 41 to focus on starting a metal band called Brown Brigade. [source]

The Hindian was the one I least expected to leave to start a metal band.

I hope Brown Brigade is just that  a band of Hindian metal enthusiasts.

"Shit That Sucks"

Costco Muffin Pack Variations
Why can't Costco assemble eight blueberry and four chocolate? I've seen a dozen blueberry; a dozen chocolate; four blueberry, four chocolate and four "other" that people resort to eating when blueberry and chocolate are no longer options, but never eight blueberry and four chocolate.

I once found eight blueberry and four coffee. Fuckin' muffin tease…

Which pairing will be more of a trainwreck: Scott Stapp and INXS (with JD) together on tour this summer or Larry the Cable Guy and Wicked Wisdom (Jada Pinkett Smith's nu-metal band) Wednesday night on The Tonight Show?