art

I thought I would take a moment and sit down here to do some writing and share what I have been up to lately. I have recently started putting more time towards developing some acrylic paintings. Most or much of my focus these days goes towards developing my art business. So a big point for me that I have been walking for some time is the relationship between Art and Money. But this could also be understood as the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions. I am not sure how rare my situation is but I decided that I would pursue creating and selling art, essentially my passion, as how I would make my primary income and it has been an interesting journey. For the first 10 years after I graduated art school and begun pursuing my passion of creating art and turning that into my career, I never really sold much art and just found other ways to make money. My approach back then was simply to create art and frankly I never made art to sell. In fact I believed that if I was making art to sell then I would be a Sell Out and so I steered clear of that and went for a kind of purity (or so I believed) of just expressing myself and not bothering to worry about if it sold or not, though, I actually did want it to sell and I did want to make money off of it. Although during that time, even though I wasn’t really creating art with the mindset of making it to sell, I did still have external influences from the perspective of I did want other people to like what I was doing, they didn’t have to buy it, they just had to like it. But that is whole other point for a different blog.

After a time away from doing art as my primary focus I got back into it about 4 or 5 years ago and this time I ended up in a situation where I was making it and selling it and surviving off of it. Though the art I was making you could say was more geared towards a particular market or aesthetic preference that wasn’t necessarily my personal preference. And this has been quite a challenge for me to essentially take a subject or style that is not necessarily ‘my preference’ and then to find myself in it, to, Make it My Own so to speak.

I will also add here that “My Preference” is definitely something I am still getting to know and so am willing to do things that I believe are not my preference to actually investigate them deeply and see if I can connect to it on some level because honestly “my preference” I realize has been greatly influenced, directed, impulsed by my culture, parents, peers, society, ect, so I have am definitely willing to challenge “my preference” and to make actually walk that process of really understanding what it means to get to know Myself on a deep level and understand what I do really personally like and enjoy and make sure this is not just something that someone told me I like or I thought I was supposed to like it because everyone else did. Okay back to my point…

Over time and more so lately I have begun putting more time into painting and developing this more marketable line of work. And the question I have been walking and attempting to find the balance within is, that line between creating art to sell, that is marketable, and creating art for me where I can add my personal touch and take the art in directions that is more about my personal self expression and making sure that in the end the artwork contains depth and substance, than just making something to sell.

Okay going to add some Self Forgiveness Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people will think about me if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that one can make marketable art that still has depth, substance, and quality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be distracted or dissuaded by my fears in a way where I don’t give myself the opportunity to test the theory of creating art that is marketable but also still has ME and My personal touch on it where I can create the depth, quality, and substance that I would like to.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to develop a style that is both marketable as well as having substance, quality, and depth to it so I can be proud and happy with the work I create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a sell-out if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my fears to get the best of me where I will stop before even giving myself the chance to explore various ways of creating the Depth that I would like into my art while at the same time having it be something marketable and sellable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into EGO within thinking “I am too good” to make art that sells, meaning where I essentially believe and have also judged others as “Just making art to sell” and believing that this compromises the artistic integrity within the art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want my art to be good and fear diluting it through its relationship with money, but then not take this point BACK TO SELF and consider how HOW I LIVE and WHO I AM in my daily life within and without is for instance compromised by money or ultimately where I am actually compromising Myself and my own Quality and Substance by allowing myself to live in ways that is not best for me, but then divert my attention off of myself and just obsess about my art when the Real point here Should be about WHO I AM for real in real life because Who I am is what really matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people knowing that I am making art that is marketable because I fear they will lose respect for me and they will stop respecting the art I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people think I am selling out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think about me when what other people think about me is Not who I actually am, and who I actually am is what really matters and that is something that I Live and Walk and Express day by day and I am essentially the Gatekeeper of Who I am and am Responsible for who I am and must answer to myself with regards to what I accept and allow of and as myself and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that Who I am and How I live moment to moment is really What Matters in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in the surface dimension of worrying what other people think about my art and if they think I am selling out when this is like an irrational fear that is actually removed from who I am and what I live in real physical substance day to day and moment to moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to influenced and directed by fear energy and anxiety energy in relation to what I thought or think people think about my art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus too much on what my art looks like where it becomes a form of obsession where in I forget about ME and Taking Care of Myself and Working on points within myself to assist and support me to become and live to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess over my art and if other people will like it, and end up neglecting Myself and Working with myself in a process of Self Creation to become a Self that I am Satisfied and Happy with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore working on my inner reality through regular Self Writing and Self Forgiveness as a point of actually supporting myself to Correct, Change, and Transform those parts of myself that I see are not what they could be or are supporting me within my utmost potential. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to work on these aspects of self, and just focus all of my attention outside of myself into my art, and art business.

I commit myself to LIVE HERE, and to when and as I see myself going into that dimension of obsessing about what others might think about my art, to stop and take and in breath, and within the exhale, I slow myself down and bring myself back to the moment and back to here and realize that what Really Matters is WHO I AM and that when I start worrying about what other people think about my art and how that reflects on me, I realize that here I am actually OFF POINT and so I bring myself back to THEE POINT which is ME and Self and Who I am within myself and How I am LIVING moment to moment and I commit myself to assist and support myself to place my attention HERE onto me and to assist and support myself to work on Myself and What Really Matters which is Who I am in each and every moment, So that I can stand and face myself and look myself in the Eye, and know that I am Living my Best Self and be actually truly Satisfied and Content with myself, and Love Myself.

Okay so the point that is actually coming through here, which I was thinking that this blog would be about anyways, is not so much about the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions, but rather when ones Passions become more important than SELF. Because I have been noticing this with myself lately where although I have been investing more time into my art which is cool, though, I have in a slight way have been neglecting the most important point which is ME and just working with myself on that Inner Deep level in a way where I am supporting ME within my Process of Personal Self Creation and Transformation and basically just working on WHO I AM in each and every breath.

I recently started reading a book written about Jack Ma and the creation of Alibaba which is one of the worlds largest online marketplaces. In reading about Jack and his enterprise I came across a couple examples of Ma’s definition of Success that I found to be very grounded, practical, and livable by anyone where he really took that point of success and boiled it down into something tangible, and accessible to everyone.

What I find interesting is that I have been deliberately working with the process of Re-defining and Living Words, and here this man actually did exactly this by coming up with his personal definition of Success that he could live and apply in his world in a way that supported him.

In the book, Ma defined it as follows,

“Success lies not in how much you have accomplished, but in the fact that you have done something, experienced the process, and begun to learn something”

What I like about this definition is it emphasizes not an outcome of good or bad, success or failure, but of THE ACT, the point of taking action and actually doing something – That is the success, the fact that you got off your but and applied yourself.

For me, I have been slowly starting to develop a new body of artwork and so I really relate to this definition of success because for me the most difficult part often is just getting up and DOING SOMETHING, or motivating myself to sit down in front of my canvas and start painting. Where that very action IS the success, not the outcome, but the ACT.

So here I see for myself that to be more successful requires me to take more action. On paper it looks easy, though I do understand that applying and living this definition of success may bring up other dimensions for me to consider and work out.

Okay that’s the point I wanted to Share!

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Today is the beginning of the work week for me. I felt a bit depressed this morning when I woke up. The experience seemed to be ‘out of nowhere’ though last night I was discussing a few points with my partner about some stress that I was experiencing in relation some aspects of the responsibilities associated with work. So this morning as I got ready to go to work, I related this seemingly out-of-nowhere experience of depression to these work related points I was discussing the night before.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed with stress in relation to directing and walking the obligations and responsibilities in relation to my career.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still feel the need and desire to control my reality and force it to move the way that I want it to when working with other people, expecting other people to move how I want them to because its convenient for me where I am not considering that people are entire universes unto themselves where their lives are vast and comprised of various relationships and so I cannot expect them to move according to my wishes and desires just because it would suit me best, and so here I commit myself to remember to consider that People are complex and have much going on within themselves and within their lives and to within this, be more patient and understanding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my life not working or my business failing where this fear drives me to try to control people and push things to move how I desire to have them move, where I become much less flexible and flowing, And so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try an achieve success from a starting point of Fear of Failure. And so here I commit myself to walk and live the word Patience where within living the word Patience I stop accepting and allowing myself to exist within my default setting of “expecting to fail” and so thus I commit myself to stop expecting to fail and then having a fear emerge of fearing to fail which then drives me into control and desire, as well as being more rigid and inflexible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that I could potentially still achieve success or desired outcomes through being more easy going, patient, and flexible. Wouldn’t that be awesome considering this is often how I find things move in physical reality where things move slowly as there is multiple points coming together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that perhaps success can be achieved through living and walking the word Patience where I allow things to take time and not go into that point of trying to control or force them, and while I wait, I can give my time and attention to projects and tasks that are HERE and that I can DIRECT , Here and Now in the moment instead of feeling stuck like I am waiting for things to move so I can move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing the word success, and so thus fear the word success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear even mentioning the word success, because to me I have accepted that this will only mean failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear Failure where I see it as a bad thing, and so creating ‘failure’ to be this ‘big thing’ and something to fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to function within my life based on a pre-programmed setting of an expectations of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure is permanent and so fear failing because I perceive this as the end, instead of considering that I can simply continue on and continue testing new ways and solutions, and that failure is not this big thing that I have to fear constantly day in an day out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure is forever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure means the end of the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in constant fear of a massive failure taking place, where its like I am constantly in fear of everything just collapsing in a major way. (What a tiring way to live, phew)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing opportunities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others and different opportunities as the determinants of my success or failure instead of realizing that I am responsible for the outcome of myself and my life meaning, that if the success or failure of my business is based on luck or what other people do or don’t do, then its bound to fail anyways. Rather I commit myself to remember and to stand within the starting point that I determine the different OUTCOMES of my business, meaning where I commit myself to become the SOURCE of my ability to grow, expand, develop myself and my business where this is based on MY actions and what I do or do not do, and so within this GROUND my approach to walking my current path with life and business where I LIVE SUCCESS, not through ‘where I end up’ but through Who I am and How I am LIVING and DIRECTING MYSELF Daily, and to simply walk day by day, pushing and directing myself to Live to my utmost potential where this becomes the foundation of my Living and my Self and Business Development.

I commit myself to take the attention that I have placed ‘out there’ onto what others are doing and how that affects my me, my life and business, and bring this attention back to ME, and to focus on what I am doing and what I can do and live daily to assist and support myself to LIVE MY UTMOST POTENTIAL every day, and so support myself to Give myself back my Self Directive Principle and Responsibility through by focusing on Who I am and What I can do daily to live to my utmost potential and expand, develop, refine, push, express, support myself and what I am doing within my life.

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So lately I have been walking this point of ordering more supplies for my business which allows everything to continue to flow normally. But there is a delay on the supplies arriving which isn’t the first time this has happened with some of the suppliers I work with. So when and as this is happening I have been firstly practicing not allowing myself to go into a reaction towards the particular suppliers and essentially start demanding that my supplies arrive in a reasonable time-frame. There are moments where I see these reactions coming up within me, but I continue to support myself to not act out of these reactions.

So one dimension of this that is coming up now as I write, is the questions of “Where do I do the same thing” Where do I procrastinate with certain projects, tasks, and points that not only affect me but affect others as well, because I can see that I still do allow procrastination in my own life, and so this is a cool Starting Point for me to create a Solution for these outflows that I am walking now where my supplies seems to be arriving late which has been a pattern now for about a year.

For instance, I could actually just order my supplies doubly early. If I have identified a pattern of the movement of certain supplies, then I could make sure that I am keenly on top of it, and essentially doing what is within my power to Ensure that I am always stocked on supplies.

I also noticed that I can also branch out and reach out to other suppliers who could provide a supplemental support for when I need certain supplies within a specific time-frame. This is something that I haven’t yet done.

Because if a few months down the road I am in the same boat, it is obvious that it has nothing to do with the suppliers but rather my lack of action to find solutions to the point.

So here is a good example of how its so easy to blame others for our experiences and problems where we do this without getting to the point of doing everything in our power to Take Responsibility for Our Own lives to the best of our ability.

So this is has definitely been a Key for me in the Process that I have walked with Desteni over the years where I have been supported to and have since began to bring points back to myself and look at where and how I can support me to find Solutions and Take Responsibility for my life instead of just going into blaming someone else. This has actually had quite a massive impact on my life because here even in this situation with my suppliers, this could have easily in the past ended up with me just going into blame and so not bringing the point back to myself which is a missed opportunity for self expansion because in bringing the points back to myself I am actually EXPANDING myself through looking at WHAT I CAN DO for myself and for others in terms of Living Solutions and trying out new things or changing my own tendencies and patterns to be overall more supportive.

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In this blog I am going to share one of the major points that has impacted and shaped my life that has come from and within Walking the Desteni Process.

I first found Desteni 10 years ago when the website first came online, so I have been walking the Desteni Process for 10 years.

One of the most impactful points that walking this process has had on me has to do with EMBRACING THE SYSTEM instead of fighting or rebelling against it.

What does this mean?

Before Desteni I very much saw money as the root of all evil and I hated everything to do with Responsibility when it came to functioning and living in the world system. I believed that this was all just a waste of my time and I told myself that I don’t want to spend my life filling out paper work. I never paid my taxes on time, my student loans were overdue with numerous late payments, I had never had a 9 to 5 type job, only seasonal work and odd jobs. I just didn’t care about ‘that stuff’ I overall resisted the system and how it functioned and I essentially was trying to escape, run and hide from it. I wanted to be an Artist and I wanted to be free from what I perceived to be the restrictions of our corporate world that in my eyes was sucking the life and creativity out of the human being.

As a result of my approach and beliefs, I was living on the fringes of this world, making just enough money to get by.

Then I began walking my process with Desteni and Everything Changed.

I was introduced to a new way of looking at the world and through the years I have continued to expand my understanding of how things work and how to approach this world in a way that is more Practical and Supportive. Not just for me, but for ALL!

And so now instead of rebelling against, ignoring and fighting against the world system, I rather EMBRACE it! Get to know it, understand it, become effective within it and from this vantage point, I can have a VOICE, and I can work to change it. This also becomes more possible when ones life is STABLE and FUNCTIONAL within this world, instead of where one is totally on the fringes struggling for survival in which case it makes it much more difficult to have any kind of voice what so ever.

What I have come to understand through walking the Desteni Process these last 10 years is that This World, THIS SYSTEM, IS ME! Everything that is HERE is LIFE, and so it makes no sense to JUDGE any part of it. The outer world System is simply a reflection of the inner world system, and so to judge it is to judge a part of myself, and so rather my approach is to embrace it, get to know it, understand it, correct it where it requires correction. Working WITH the System is the Same as working WITH Myself.

I have come to realize that when I face personal challenges in my life, that I make things more difficult when I react, when I fight, when I JUDGE Myself instead of moving into a point of SELF FORGIVENESS and rather than fighting against myself through judging myself, I rather EMBRACE myself, Embrace the parts of myself that are not yet what I would like them to be. Don’t fight with them, Embrace them, practice understanding them in detail so that I can learn how to change. And so the same goes for the world system. Yes it may not be ideal, but if we shun it, and dismiss it, its like we are counting ourselves out of it and so have absolutely no power what so ever.

And so a shift occurred within me and within my life.

I made a decision within myself which was to EMBRACE this world system Completely and Absolutely. Embrace the laws, rules, regulations, codes ect and work WITH them in a way to support me in my life so that I am as a starting point, EMPOWERED within this system of codes and rules.

Embracing the system does not mean accepting it how it is and just ‘making due’ Nope. It means Embracing it so that I can function effectively within it and then from within this starting point work to change it. If I completely disengage, then I have no power to do anything about all the injustices that are cause through it. Not to mention I completely disempower Myself in my practical daily life to live to support myself and those around me which is also necessary and valuable.

For the past 4 years I have been creating a Fine Art Business. I have had to learn how to file and pay all the different levels of taxes. I have a business number. I pay all my bills on time, I am in essence, getting to know and understand this whole process of what it means to integrate into this system as an individual and as a business. It has been quite a process because I never considered this my strong suit and still to this day it is something that I still have to push myself to develop and learn to do.

I just finished filing my taxes recently and learning about a completely new layer of taxes – Sounds exciting doesn’t it! Lol.

To me, learning to EMBRACE the System through the process that I have walked with Desteni has had a massive impact on my life.

It has been a complete shift for me from Fighting This World to Embracing This World and how it is currently functioning and then to become Effective within this.

I am definitely still learning and developing this point for myself but I am on my way. And if I had not been introduced to this way of looking at and living in this world through walking the Desteni Process, who knows where I’d be right now. I was so determined to tell this world to Fuck Off. I was in total conflict with it, Not realizing how it was and is essentially just an extension or externalization of Myself and so really nothing to judge or fight with at all.

This process of realizing that everything that is HERE is ME, including the world system, has also supported me in embracing the differences of others as well which has in turn allowed me to develop relationships in my personal and business life that perhaps would have been very difficult to forge if I was thinking that I didn’t want to work with someone because they had different beliefs as me.

Now I am much more willing to engage with People of ALL different beliefs and simply work to find common ground and support each other from here.

So I am truly grateful for the process I have walked so far with Desteni and I look forward to continuing to walk this process to see what we can create in this world and see what kind of impact all of us walking the desteni process can have on this world to support ourselves and all here to reach our utmost potentials.

If you are interested in getting to know more about this process please visit the links below to learn more

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self SupportDIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a LifetimeSOUL – The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potentialeqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self PerfectionJourney To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

First thing is, I slept in in the morning. When my alarm went off I allowed the resistance of getting up to overwhelm me and so I made the decision to just sleep until I am not tired anymore. I make my own hours for work, so it wasn’t like I was ‘late’ where someone else is counting on me. So in a way there was a kind of “backdoor” there for me justifying why I could and so will sleep in. Yesterday was a bit tough for me and so the sleeping in this morning was kind of residual point from yesterday. Once I got up and got to work, I was satisfied and it was nice to be at work and just able to focus on that. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I ended up cutting my day short. I had a bit of reluctance to do so, seeing as how I was already late, but I decided practically speaking its just how things were working out.

The amount of hours I work each week is quite a point for me where it is something I think about a lot. And something that can at times create a bit of turmoil within myself if I am not living up to the standards I have set for myself. So for instance, today it was important for me to not stress out about the fact that I was late getting up because that just creates unnecessary stress after the fact. Something I have been working on over this last year, where I practice “letting go” and not stressing myself out over work and money.

Once I got home I decided to work on my painting for a while. This was also a way I could “get a full days work in” The painting is evolving interestingly. There is definitely still a “feeling out process” taking place and I notice that that tends to create a resistance where its like “If I am not quite sure what or how I am going to paint the next part” I am more resistant to “getting down to work” but I have defined that experience quite clearly for myself throughout the years so can recognize that experience and not allow it to direct me.

Later in the evening I decided to turn the internet OFF on my phone so that I would stop checking it. My Starting Point behind this was so that for the rest of the evening I could practice simply “Being HERE” where I could Substantiate My Presence more instead of allowing the phone point to distract me every 5 minutes where I am checking my notifications. So instead, in those moments-in-between, instead of sinking into my phone, I just sat there, in my reality, in the physical, and just focused on Myself , My Presence and my immediate reality. Overall Supportive.

Then I ate chicken alfedo pasta for dinner that my partner made. Then I did the dishes and made us coffees.

That brings me to now where I am here writing this blog based on the starting point of simply SHARING MYSELF.

I have spent the last 3 and half years working Full-Time as an Artist! That’s pretty cool. I have really enjoyed it and throughout that time have encountered some interesting challenges. Although I have been “making a living” doing art for the last 3.5 years, before that I spent a great deal of time creating art and have actually been developing this art career point since I decided to go to art school when I was 19 years old.

One of the greatest challenges I have faced in particular since I have been earning a living with my art is the balance between creating art that is marketable versus creating art that is truly a unique expression of myself.

Our world and money system is an interesting thing in that there is very specific rules that one must follow to ensure the success of a business. (Or at least this is what I am lead to believe) And you know, what I have found is that these rules also seem to exist in the individual as well. I have encountered this with creating art where it seems individuals are more comfortable purchasing art that is ‘safe’ I will say.

That these ‘safe’ items sell more frequently and readily where the more experimental pieces don’t seem to sell as quickly. And this also goes for apparently controversial contemporary art as well where if it doesn’t have that very recognizable essence of being or looking like contemporary art, than people are afraid to buy it who have contemporary collections.

This has been quite a dilemma for me because obviously when you spend a lot of time creating art you start noticing things about this process. I have for instance noticed that “Art” follows a lot of rule and follows the trends of today. Art today has a very specific look and feel unique to its time just as it did 100 years ago. But its strange because I also notice that this kind of limits REAL CREATIVITY which from my perspective doesn’t follow a trend or preconceived pattern which can be replicated.

But to get to the bottom of this question could be quite a story so I am not going to go into all the dimensions in this blog.

For now I am going to stick to my approach.

Basically, I start with making sure my business side of my Art Making is stable, which means that I am creating art that is creative, but also marketable. Then from there I am essentially funding my own creativity from the perspective of where and when I have enough art for sale that is more proven to sell, or money from sold art, then I can experiment a bit, and be a bit more creative with some pieces.

There is also grants and things like that you can get from the government but even with that you are catering to a specific idea of what art should look like. Essentially you are selling your art the government or at least for them to give you a grant to create art that they think is valid.

But I really question that also because our world is really in quite a state of chaos and suffering which to me does suggest that the major systems in this world and the ideas and directions they are supporting are kind of in question looking at how everything is existing right now.

So this is quite a challenge for artists today and for artists that have lived throughout time, to create truly unique individual expressions.

For me I see this as being a work in progress for myself. And sometimes I wonder if I will ever do this in my lifetime.

It takes courage to try something new, to create something that may not look like ‘art’ but that is a real expression of yourself. This especially being so with the pressures of existing in our current money system where if you don’t have money, you don’t eat.

Sometimes I wonder if people yearn for that real honest individual expression in art and would be willing to pay for that. But then, its like the pressure of money and that FEAR of not having enough money to eat or make more art enters the picture and influences what I do.

So I just do my best to find that balance, ultimately with the end goal being to create a world that allows for that Real Unique Individual Expression to come through and flourish throughout our world not just in Art but in all things and all different expressions.

SOUL – The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potentialeqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self PerfectionJourney To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost PotentialDIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self SupportDIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime