multiple identities

Cohesion

Thursday, March 1 2012Views: 226

I had these two dreams, between last night and the night before last...

i had a gun to my head, and another gun aimed at the person who was holding a gun to my head and i. person A was a very serious security guard, who didn't know I wasn't the bad guy. Person B was the bad guy. an uncertain and uncomfortable feeling as i successfully force myself not to anticipate an outcome. I had been running for a while to catch up with the bad guy. I wanted to take him down, but the security guard interfered. I was not doing it for any other reason than to prove I was better than the bad guy, but even when I couldn't quite do that, it didn't matter to me.

i was being chased, or perhaps I was leading someone on. I had been staying in an old hotel in a city, religiously making these rounds. Once every day as a social experiment, I would be seen fast-walking through crowded pubs and office buildings wearing bright red tennis shoes, making certain never to appear for longer than a moment to anyone. I did this every day, exactly the same way. The purpose was to attract attention and inspire hellbent curiosity or even uneasy suspicion of what I was up to. Many would turn their head, a few had been inspired to follow, but only one set out to catch me and find out.

Then I experienced the dream as the one who was chasing me. He was an investigator, actually, and he was pretty suspicious of me. He was no less certain that I was dumber than he, than I was that he was dumber than I. Inevitably he almost caught up to me, but I was already prepared to diffuse the situation with more confusion.

I find myself running around in a perfectly aimless circle on a very strict schedule. I excitedly attempt to confuse people until they feel compelled to do something about it. And when they do, I find that I identify with them more than myself.