Madonna is divorced. A judge ruled on "Ciccone, M.L. v. Ritchie, G.S." today and the case was a "quickie," an uncontested divorce. Neither Madonna nor Guy Ritchie attended the hearing, which lasted barely a minute. Her Madgesty is single again! Think she'll get hitched to A-Rod? [Yahoo News]

Oh snap! Madonna just had drinks with her first ex-husband, Sean Penn. [Page Six]

A source says don't believe what you read about Guy being a gentleman and not taking a penny from Madge. He's getting a "huge pay day." [Perez Hilton]

Friends of Madonna's are not surprised that the divorce went through so quickly. "It’s not fair to Guy, to the kids, to drag it out for any reason," says a source. [MSNBC]

Michael Jackson has converted to Islam. His name is now Mikaeel. It might be so that he can legally wear a burka in court and no one can stare at his skin. [The Sun]

Michael Jackson Mikaeel is due in court next week to defend claims that he owes Sheikh Abdullah $7 million. May Allah be with him! [Guardian]

Ooh, more soundbites from Britney's new documentary: "Do I know my life is weird? It's all I've ever known. I don't see it as being weird… I'm kind of stuck in this place and I'm like, How do you deal? I just cope with it every day… It's better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way… It's bad. I'm sad." [She breaks down into tears.] [EW]

Britney on why she let "bad people" into her life: "Because I was lonely." [People]

Twilight star Robert Pattinson was asked, "What is all this talk about you not washing your hair for months on end?" He answered: "People are scared of my hair. But it starts washing itself after about three weeks. I'm just saying that. But, yeah, if it doesn't look dirty, why wash it?" Darling, it looks dirty. Get some Pantene Pro-V up in there. [USA Today]

America's Next Top Model winner McKey says: "I was freaking out at the second CoverGirl commercial. I almost had a nervous breakdown. They only show a little bit of it, but Christian was fixing my makeup and I was like, 'Christian, I'm freaking out right now. I might have a nervous breakdown. I haven't had a nervous breakdown in forever. I'm going crazy. Why am I here?'" Because you look like a model, maybe? [E!]

Leonardo DiCaprio attended a "preview screening" of a music video starring ex-girlfriend Gisele Bundchen because he's friends with the director, who is Kevin Connolly. Hollywood's a small town. [People]

Leo told this paper: "So much of my life has been spent on some far-off movie location and so little of it has been lived normally. I want to get married and have children." [Mirror]

Hollywood is a small town, take 2: Samuel L. Jackson, Denzel Washington, Eddie Murphy, Reba McEntire, Sylvester Stallone, Magic Johnson and Barry Bonds are involved in the lawsuit between North and South Beverly Park homeowners. It's like the Sharks and the Jets! [LA Times]

A critic says Baz Luhrmann made a "big, big mistake" in casting Nicole Kidman as proper English dame Lady Sarah Ashley in Australia: Melanie Reid says Kidman is "one of the most overrated actors" in the world and who has "been the kiss of death in practically every movie she has starred in." There's more! "Kidman is exquisitely accomplished at being awful," Reid writes. "She can't act. Instead she drifts around films like a lost porcelain doll, looking frozen, brittle and vapid, staring at the camera with her oh-golly-look-how-I'm-looking-interesting blue eyes." Ouch! [Sydney Morning Herald]

Ugh, someone asked Nicole Kidman if she was pregnant again. "No, I just have a little tummy," she said. "My god, I just had a baby four months ago – give me a break!" She added: "I think I've always had a little tummy, though, it runs in the family. My sister does, my mum does, my grandmother did… We affectionately refer to it as the 'little tummy.'" Fascinating. [People]

Glenn Close didn't get the part of Elvira in Scarface because she wasn't slutty enough? [Page Six]

Miley Cyrus let her boyfriend attend the casting for her new video, and a source says "Justin wanted to pick a guy that looked the most like him." WTF. [E!]

Apparently the clip of Justin Timberlake dancing with Beyoncé on SNL has been yanked from YouTube due to music clearance issues. Dammit. Not fierce, Sasha. Not fierce. [LA Times]

Angelina Jolie might not get nominated for an Oscar for her performance in Changeling, even though Ted Casablanca thinks she should. [E!]

Rihanna's new tattoo: "It's tribal," she says. She got it in New Zealand, and it's Maori-inspired. "It's their traditional way of tattooing. I always wanted [one]. It hurt like hell!" [People]

Your friend Kanye West began his concert in Germany by having the crowd wait tow hours and then running on stage and shouting, "I really need some pussy tonight!" [The Sun]

Baby-wipes enthusiast Terrence Howard says all he's ever wanted to do is be all around the most beautiful women in the world. "I'm sorry I'm shallow like that, I'm a man." [Perez Hilton]

Lance Bass is glad Julianne Hough has been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars: "She was the one I was scared of the most," he says. [People]

Is Julianne Hough retiring from DWTS? "I'm not gonna be back next season," she says. "I really, really want to focus on the music and, ya know, be taken seriously a little bit. And I think it’s hard to be on [the show] and be singing." [People]

Reese Witherspoon looks like a small town checkout girl on the cover of Parade. [Just Jared]

Reese told Parade: "Family is all we have in life, but I don't know how I feel about marriage. Obviously, I'm not far enough out of being married to think about doing it again." For some reason this prompted this paper to run the headline "I'm Not Ready To Marry Jake." [Daily Mail]

Heath Ledger's family issued a statement to say that a new book about the star contains "gross inaccuracies, false allegations and many incorrect and unsubstantiated comments." The unauthorized bio, written by a journalist, claims Ledger was mentally ill. [News.com.au]

Have you seen Rosie O'Donnell's video response to Barbara Walters? [Perez Hilton]

Fox's Roger Friedman says Rosie will get the last laugh, because her live variety show "should be an enormous hit." It's family-friendly and positive in its celebration of Broadway, New York, and the arts. Plus comedy is what Rosie excels at. [Fox 411]

Michael Phelps: The new spokesperson for Subway sandwiches. Do you want him on whole wheat? [Perez Hilton]

Is Michael Phelps off the market? He flew to Birmingham to see former Miss Alabama, Doree Walker, and they went to dinner and then to the zoo the next day. Roar. [MSNBC]

New Lost trailer! And Sawyer and Juliet are holding hands. For like a split second. [E!]

Josh Brolin, who plays Harvey Milk's assassin in Milk, says the story of Milk made him cry. [UPI]

If you can understand this kerfluffle surrounding Bianca Jagger's lost ring and bankruptcy and an Austrian building magnate named Reinhard Ringler, please explain. [Daily Express]

John Malkovich is making a documentary about the plight of migrant children who cross illegally into the U.S. It will be produced by Canana Films, a production company owned by Mexican actors Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal. [AP]

Christina Ricci, Rosie Perez and Arsenio Hall will voice characters in The Hero of Color City, an animated film about a group of crayons that band together to stop a tyrant from robbing their world of color. [Hollywood Reporter]

The headmistress of Oprah Winfrey's girls' school in South Africa, Nomvuyo Mzamane, has dropped her suit against The Huffington Post and a blogger she claimed falsely harmed her reputation. [Portƒolio]

When it comes to cash, Bruce Willis is a die hard, heh: He invested $2 million in a Malaysian technology company and then withdrew his cash; they still owe him $900,000 and he's filed a court complaint. [AP]

Former Senator Fred Thompson, who was on Law & Order and then tried running for president, is going back to acting. Anyone want to cast him? [AP]

Linda Hogan was getting $40,000 a month in temporary alimony payments. Now she claims to be broke. She wants a court hearing to talk about getting more cash out of the Hulkster. [Perez Hilton]

TRL's Damien Fahey has a new job, now that his MTV show is dead: He'll be a special correspondent for Extra. [Page Six]

"That's debatable in Hollywood. There's the obvious answer: Angelina, for saving the planet with her adoptions and charity work." — Megan Fox, when asked who the Woman of the Year was. [E!]

"[Four Christmases] is not for your children. It's PG-13. But my family always went to movies on Christmas Day – The Godfather, The Elephant Man. Your typical cheerful holiday fare. It's fun to go to the movies at Christmas and nice to be part of a movie that at least grown-ups and teenagers can see. Plus it means a lot when I get to have experiences where I meet young people and they say, 'You know, this is the movie that got me through a hard time' or, 'This is the movie I watch with my family.'" [Independent]

"There are disco bands, rap bands, Yiddish folk song bands in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but not Kiss I believe we have more gold records in America than any other group, but it's OK." — Gene Simmons, bruised because his band's not in the Hall of Fame. [Reuters]

"That would be really exciting if that does happen. I hope it does. There has been some talk about it but I think it's in its very early days. But I'm practicing by dressing as a pirate every day - just in case!" — Russell Brand, on playing Captain Jack Sparrow's brother in the new Pirates Of The Caribbean flick. [Sydney Morning Herald]

"I did a photo shoot for her, and she suddenly took off her T-shirt to change into another and I was like, 'Damn!' She was so beautiful, elegant, classy and timeless, and there was something really exotic about it. Very few human beings have been that sexy and desirable. I wanted to say, 'You are sculpted by God.' I was like, wow." — Rosario Dawson on Iman. [Daily Express]

"Our new president is really a person who came from a place where they told him he couldn’t be something, in a country where no one ever thought that we would see a black president, but now that we have a black president we understand that black people, white people, Asian people, Native Americans, Latinos, no matter what color you are, we all are one. Whatever you want to be you can be in this world. You just have to put your mind to it." — Common, to elementary school students in Georgia. [Concrete Loop]

"I can drink most men under the table and be fine! And I get louder and giggly. Do I get more affectionate? Who doesn't?" — Sienna Miller. [Mirror]