For instance, it’s highly recommended that you not take your pig to the mall. He’ll just play in the planters. Elephants, when taken to the beach, require so much suntan lotion, it’s hardly worth your time.

Don’t take your snake out walking where others can see it. You’ll have little old ladies climbing light posts to get out of your way, which is embarrassing and more than a little bit uncomfortable (probably for the snake, too.)

Chimps should not be enlisted to help string Christmas lights, and you shouldn’t take your rabbit to a dance. All she’ll do is the bunny hop, and again, there’s the embarrassment factor.

Skunks don’t make the best airplane pilots. They don’t react well to stress. Need I spray more? And unless your moose has lost his antlers, the movies are not the best place for him, or he’ll make everyone behind him very unhappy. Oh, and don’t take your frogs to a French restaurant.

Pet ducks should not accompany you to a wedding reception, lest they become enamored with the punch fountain. You have to admit, it does look like a cozy habitat, but I don’t think anyone wants to spend the evening picking feathers out of their drink. It would make them a little down in the mouth.

Whatever you do, don’t go for a walk with your alligator before dinner. If you’re not back on time, he might decide to eat you instead.

When all is said and done, it just might be best to leave the pets at home and just take your family with you instead.

(This book was published in 2003 by Harcourt and was illustrated by David Catrow.)