Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The chattering of the crowd in the disco merged with the chaotic beats and bits from the giant speakers surrounding the hall, forming a loud indistinguishable metallic noise. People danced with the relish of every rhyme of the music. They chatted with their friends and they enjoyed every glass of drink.

Raphael who was resolved to beat off his utter despair danced with no particular rhyme but with a frantic hysteria. Sitting back on a couch, he had his tenth bottle of beer and yet he failed to be drunk as he wished. He lit up a cigarette as he was trying to forget today’s depressing morning. However this memory kept seeping back to his mind.

“Pack of cigarette in your pocket? Are you kidding me?” questioned Mr. Williamson, Raphael’s father, in the morning.

Silence.

“You’re son of a bitch! Do you want to be like your mother? Huh? ” snarled Mr. Williamson

“You have no right to comment on her! What has she done wrong? She is just trying to pursuer her own way”

“She ran away with another man. She left me and you here. So that was her own way?”

Without saying anything further, Raphael rushed pass his father and bang the door with a loud cracking sound. He wandered through the streets mindlessly till evening and just happened to come across the disco he used to go with his friend, James.

In the disco, the music was becoming more like the swearing of Mr. Williamson in Raphael’s mind. The people in the dancing hall were like shadows playing in a complete darkness. The small flame of Raphael’s cigarette was the only light at his own hidden corner. He saw James, his only friend, in the far corner. Raphael waved at him as he was coming toward Raphael.

“Guess smoking and drinking doesn’t work on you anymore, huh?” asked James

“I just can’t get over today’s morning.” replied Raphael

“Maybe you should try something much stronger” suggested James.

Saying this, he held out his hand with two pills on it. One of them was green and oval-shaped with a cross sign at the middle. The other one was pink and round with a skull at both sides. James was still wearing his smile.

“What is that?” said Raphael .

“Take it and you’ll know” said James

Raphael took one of them. He held it close to his nose and smelled it. Suddenly a pungent odor came right from it. Slowly, he delivered it into his mouth and licked it. The taste was bitter.

“Well I just want you to relax” said James, “You always seem to be frustrated and sad. These pills bring you joy.”

“Will it get me addicted?” asked Raphael.

“Addicted? Nah, you won’t. See I am not addicted. You can control it.”

“Smoking and drinking at the age of sixteen are already bad enough tough.”

“Oh! Gimme a break. What is wrong of trying to be happy? You are just helping yourselves. Beside you want to be like the people dancing there? Do you want you to be as happy as them?”

“Take it. I am giving it to you for free now. It costs you nothing but you can get much from it” added James.

What’s wrong of trying to be happy? , thought Raphael. This question hit him in the mind. Since mother left, father, being drunk every day, beat me all the day. Yesterday, I had just been fired by my boss at the restaurant. I had nothing now. I lost my job and my mother left me. I don’t even consider my father as a human either. May be now I can finally own something Raphael thought.

Since this morning, he could bear no more this depression. Every men and women in the streets seem to be watching him with strange eyes. He thought himself as worthless.

“I have nothing to risk for. Why don’t I just try?” muttered Raphael.

Suddenly, one part of his muscle ached. It was the exact spot where his father had hit him with the wooden stick yesterday. A sheer hatred came over him. He had longed to be relief from this pain, this hatred and most importantly this depression.

Raphael slowly delivered the pill with his quivering hand into his mouth. Suddenly a piece of slivery shiny clothing caught his attention. It was from a girl who was now looking at Raphael intensively. She was wearing a miniskirt and an intense make-up on her face. Well, although I have nothing now, may be I can get a girlfriend, Raphael thought. He slipped the pill into his pocket and walked toward the girl.