Linus crawled through the shrubs scraping everything on his body there was to scrape. In his emaciated state he looked almost exactly like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, except he wore sandy blonde hair and one untied muddy Chris Paul (CP3) sneaker. A prickly twig somehow found a way past the elastic of his shorts and kind of scraped his privates. He thought, That’s that, no kids for me with Sue Preacher when she finally falls in love with me in a few years and I got hair down there like dad.

Linus was only six years old. A starving six-year-old who everybody clearly thought was dead for weeks, but no, he was alive the whole time. He was between some huge rocks in Larchmont Forest somewhere by the waterfall thinking most of the time about the 3D Printer his dad had recently bought but couldn’t figure out how to set up. It was a pizza printer. It printed whole slices of pizza w/pepperoni. And it would maybe save his life if he could get to it before starvation—but he was now on his zeroeth life, and there was plenty of crawling left to do…