For as long as I can remember I have had crippling social anxiety. When I was younger I was very intelligent, funny, and observant around people I was comfortable with. However, at school or around strangers, I never said a word. I would often think of things to say but not say them because of the amount of fear I had. All throughout school, I was constantly fearful and on edge. As I got older, I became more and more closed off even around my family. I would come home from school so mentally drained that talking to my family felt too exhausting. I started to become more and more spacy and withdrawn from the outside world. I still managed to do very well in school and was accepted into UNC Chapel Hill. I was excited to go to college and have a new start, and thought that I could finally be who I wanted to be. However after going there this fall, I realized that I was still the same person and things would not change. My social anxiety kept me from making friends and I began to feel very inferior to everyone around me. It felt like everyone had such good personalities and I could hardly communicate with people. I started having a very hard time focusing in my classes and did way worse in school than I have ever done before. My anxiety and depression started getting worse and worse and at the begginning of second semester I decided to withdrawl from school for the rest of the year. I started taking medicine and going to therapy but it feels like nothing is helping. I just feel like my mind is completely blank all the time and I have just been watching other people live and cannot be a part of it. I feel like I have missed out on so much of life that I will never be able to catch up. I never know what anyone is talking about and I never have anything interesting to say. I dont even know who I am when I am alone. I also keep questioning reality and thinking about how weird life is. I feel really alone and disconnected from everyone and like I will never be the person i would have been without my anxiety. It sucks because I feel like I would have had a great life if it werent for my anxiety. Now it feels like I have ruined my personality and my chance to ever be interesting or add anything to the world. I cant help but regret zoning out of life and the world so much because now it feels like I am an alien in this world. I dont feel like I will ever be able to get married or have a career because I can hardly talk to people. Im scared of having to be alone for the rest of my life. I just feel like Im living in a nightmare and I just want to wake up from it and be a normal human being.

The following user gives a hug of support to mmm333:
movielover40 (03-07-2017)

Oh my word!
Finally, someone that I can 100%relate to. I could have written the exact same thing. I'm actually starting therapy tomorrow. I've been on medication for years and still have major social anxiety. And yes, even around family. I would love to keep in touch and know how you're doing. Just knowing that I'm not the only one like this makes me feel a little better.

It will get easier!!! Keep up with schoolwork and counseling. It's very important as a degree is something that NOONE can take from you!! I found that counseling helped me- I had so much to say and the same concerns as you! When your ready start taking a class here and then maybe 2. You can do it.