Hold on to good things, but learn to let go, bad things may happen but you can just spend your whole life dreading the things that happened to you on the past and focus on what you could be soon. #peace#peacequotes#fear#hope#fearandhope

Yesterday I visited an awesome cave: Gruta dos Indios (the cave of indians). When I entered, I thought it's smaller then it actually turned out to be. Bigger, darker, and scary as shit at first, but a lovely place in the end.
When I realized it's actually bigger and darker than expected and that I can not see where it ends, I had a feeling that I am in the cave of some of my nightmares. The labyrinth of nightmares, where you also feel claustrophobic that the roof might fall on top of you: it's dark, and you are lost, lonely and unable to find the way out.
But luckily this scare did not last too long: I started exploring and got an understanding of my environment (thanks in part to the flashlight of my smartphone, not to the inner eye, haha). The cave had soft red and yellow hues, it was so calm and silent inside, just the sounds of a river very far away. The sound of silence was comforting. A warm place of inner calm, peace, and stillness. It felt wonderful being alone there and basking into those red hues. Plus laughing at the scribbles of the other visitors.
Only a few steps are necessary from feeling afraid and lonely to appreciating your own alone-ness. A reorientation of knowledge. And that's wonderful in its simplicity.
#cave#caveofdarkness#caveofhope#caveofwonders#fearandhope#santacruzdosul#riograndedosul

The word of the day yesterday was CHD and the word of the day today is FEAR.
Since I started a day late- I am going to highlight both of these words and try and put something together that can highlight what both mean to me.
The word CHD is easy since that is pretty much what I constantly talk about when it comes to health issues with Gabe and for my thing to spread awareness through any mention of the word CHD.
But to be honest- I fear the word FEAR.
I almost don’t even want to go there because for someone that is pretty much an eternal optimist- those are the kind of words that I stuff deep down in my soul and try not to let out.
I will keep this short and sweet so I don’t tarnish my optimistic heart.
When it comes to CHD I fear another hospital stay, another doctors visit, another diagnosis, another test, another blood draw, another x-ray, another ECHO, another EKG, another surgery, hearing about my friends children dying, and I fear the unthinkable with my own son.
However, with all of that fear- there is so much HOPE too.
I adore the quote by Maya Angelou- “Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Invite one to stay”. I am determined to invite HOPE to stay with me on this journey. Actually- I consciously decided that on the day Gabe was born. It is hard to do- but I believe it has served me extremely well.
I will leave you with this picture of HOPE- this is my 10 year old son with a chromosomal disorder, autism, and heart defect rock climbing and conquering the fears in his path!

Beginnings and Ends
~
in the sweetness of the sunset, one finds gratefulness for the day that is coming to an end and the sense of accomplisment it brings along. a next step is to wish for no tomorrows, for this moment to be eternal, for our beings to be forever satisfied. and yet, darkness rises and reminds us that it will start again tomorrow, that we will have to start again tomorrow, as if from scratch. it can be despairing; one can feel overwhelmed by the task ahead or by what is left behind, knowing that what is to come will never be the same. yet, this is where one can find the ultimate joy: the pink horizon is the limit of what was possible today and all that is possible tomorrow. today was a piece of your story, tomorrow is another one, as important, if not perhaps more important as it is still full of miracles to happen. the miracle of now is the never ending opportunity to try again and to feel more. this is the unstoppable and rejuvenating flow of life.
#life#sunset#contemplation#eveningmeditation#meditation#fearandhope#miracle#miracleofthenow#horizon#opportunity#tomorrow#selfhelp#selfdevelopment#personalgrowth#personaldevelopment

Just because you haven't seen my face in a while! Zero makeup, bedhair, sorry! I've been throwing up around 11 times a day for ten weeks, which damaged one of my molars and gave me an infection in my jawbone. Awful awful awful! Dentist fixed me up with minor dental surgery and antibiotics and i'm almost, almost myself again, and almost out of pain. I'm grateful though despite the unpleasantness because I'm 16 weeks pregnant and we've seen little one on the scan wriggling and jiggling and heartbeating away and after losing four with their hearts never beating I didn't think we'd ever see that. I still don't quite believe it. I'm grateful for every moment of sickness, more than I can say. #grateful#pregnancysickness#lookingrough#16weekspregnant#rainbowbaby#fearandhope#pregnancyafterloss#loss