Schoolyard’s drummer Brian Turner has been blogging all about his band’s adventures on the road on his blog Unreal Country. It’s quite a good read and I highly recommend checking it out to read about the shenanigans of the Schoolyard crew and get a little bit of insight into what life is like on the road.

The highlights so far: apparently Steve knocked a kid unconscious when he was moshing and whipped out a roundhouse kick, Jonah threw a cup of coffee into a car while driving 75 mph and Wil from Aiden broke Ryann’s microphone stand.

Oh, a little-known fact about Turner is that he is an excellent writer. He has quite the way with the written word. In fact, he holds a journalism degree from the UW. (In full disclosure Ear Candy worked side-by-side with Turner on the UW Daily staff. It seems just like yesterday when he handed me a demo CD of his band prior to the Soundoff! competition.)

Here’s a quick sample of Turner’s musings from the road and what Schoolyard Heroes have been up to while away from Seattle:

2.28.08

I found a true Southern cultural artifact in Florida today: an authentic Freemason trucker hat. With this hat, I can see what countries are going to war next and what the price of oil will be tomorrow. It is worth every penny of the $6 I spent. In case you were wondering the meaning of the “G” is open to academic interpretation, possibly meaning Geometry, Gnosis (meaning “knowledge of spiritual mysteries”) or simply God. But I don’t think you were wondering.

2.18.08

Tour is about playing pranks on other bands – sabotaging their equipment, stinking up their van, trashing their hotel room. You get the picture, right? Well for Jonah, it’s not about the prank, it’s about the retribution.

When My American Heart, another band on the Aiden tour, passed us on the highway today, they thought it was a good idea to chuck cupcakes at our van. The first throw was a success, splattering vanilla icing across our windshield. But then it was Jonah’s turn. With catlike reflexes, Jonah reached for his freshly poured cup of Starbucks coffee, rolled down his window and hurled the coffee at My American Heart – all while driving 75 mph!. Bam! The coffee went through the open passenger window and hit their guitarist (who was doing the cupcake hurling, by the way) right in the face. I bet he still smells like Sumatra drip.

2.10.08

Being in a band isn’t about making every show your best show, it’s about making sure every show isn’t a complete disaster. The show last night in Portland almost landed in the latter category. Here is why:

Jonah chipped a tooth. A crazed fan fell on the microphone stand and the stand fell on Jonah’s tooth. That’s okay though, because I fastened him a new tooth out of a lime Jolly Rancher and Elmer’s glue.

We left Steve’s entire set of guitar pedals (suggested retail value: $500) in Mount Vernon, WA two nights ago. That’s okay though, Jonah rigged him a new distortion pedal out of tinfoil, human hair, and coffee cake.

Wil from Aiden broke Ryann’s mic stand. That’s okay though, because Steve made a new stand out of toothpicks.