Tuesday, May 30, 2006

pre exam syndrome

i feel let down and disappointed. like i dont deserve to have the little things i want. because nothing seems to work. and i dont mean long term life plans, i mean stupid frivolous everyday wants. why is it so hard?

i dont want to talk about serious things, about opening a bank account, saving the trees, doing something for humanity, helping out the poor, a revolution in this country, the corruption, saving the dam, shooting the film stars, the inflation, frustration..nothing. i want to think about getting rich, i want to buy stuff, i want to be bad, i want to do all the things they say we shouldnt do. because heck i hate all this living room high flown talk. nobody has the balls to get out there when it counts. everyone is all smug in their cable tv news channels and ipod worlds. and then we sit around and complain, and talk, and intellectualise. am i ever going to do anything concrete? no.

i wish i had someone to make all my little dreams come true, because they're the ones that make me sad and disappointed. everyone is so caught up in being ethical and moral and righteous and oh-so-propah. i say fuck it all. i want to be flippant, frivolous, petty, selfish, indulge..i want to do what i think is okay, because i believe im not stupid. i believe im not a fool, and i want to be treated like one. not some 6 year old baby thats making an outrageous demand, and has no idea what could happen. its a load of crap. i want to want and i want to have..but i dont think i ever will.

1 comment:

"i wish i had someone to make all my little dreams come true" i know two little kids in a cheap boarding school somewhere in rural KA who have someone like that. someone that gave up a large part of her salary to make others happy. someone that never stops smiling through the tears. someone who gives so much, those around her forget her needs. someone i wake up everyday, proud to be with. someone like you.