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Step one, four, and eight are the most difficult steps for people in various 12-step programs. Step one helps you confront all the acting out in your past. Step four helps you identify your resentment toward other people and your own character defects. Step eight helps you face the reality of the pain you have caused other people. Later you will need to make amends for the pain you’ve caused.

The first step is a written step, but it is also given publicly at your home meeting. Perhaps by now you have heard someone else give away their first step. It’s a painful process to honestly face yourself and publicly admit what you were like in your sexual addiction.

This step is not only written, but shared with a group. Consciously think of giving it away. Imagine that you are the garbage collector driving your truck down all of the streets and memory lanes of your life collecting your sexual garbage. In the first step, you come before God and your home group, and dump it all out. You get rid of all of your pain from the past life of sexual addiction.

In the last section of this book you'll find suggestions and coaching to help you in writing your first step. Additionally, your sponsor will work very closely with you as you write your first step.

The process may be quite painful when you give away your step, but within a few days you will begin to feel a sense of relief. The load will be lifted, all the secrets are outâ€”you’re no longer living a double life. You have gone on record as telling the group that you're done with the past and now you are committed to sexual sobriety.

You'll also find a stronger connection with the people in your group. Not only have you unburdened yourself, but you have helped the people in your group to take a deeper look at their lives. Additionally your connection to God will be much stronger. You'll feel clean before him. You don't have to hide anymore, or feel guilty, or pretend that you didn't have a dark sexual side.

Read the suggestions that the end of this book about the first step, then start writing it. It will have a powerful effect on helping you gain victory over your lust.