New on DVD/Blu-ray: Joyful Noise (2012)

A movie with choir singing, Dolly Parton, and Queen Latifah? How exactly did Todd Graff’s “Joyful Noise” go unnoticed by us for much of its existence? Oh, right, it has choir singing and features Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah in the cast. That sorta explains it. “Joyful Noise” is available now on Blu-ray Combo pack, DVD and for download from Warner Home Video.

Oscar® nominees Queen Latifah (“Chicago,” “Hairspray”) and Dolly Parton (“Transamerica,” “Steel Magnolias,” “Nine to Five”) star in Alcon Entertainment’s and Warner Bros. Pictures’ “Joyful Noise,” a funny and inspirational story of music, hope, love and renewal. The small town of Pacashau, Georgia, has fallen on hard times, but the people are counting on the Divinity Church Choir to lift their spirits by winning the National Joyful Noise Competition. The choir has always known how to sing in harmony, but the discord between its two leading ladies now threatens to tear them apart. Their newly appointed director, Vi Rose Hill (Latifah), stubbornly wants to stick with their tried-and-true traditional style, while the fiery G.G. Sparrow (Parton) thinks tried-and-true translates to tired-and-old. Shaking things up even more is the arrival of G.G.’s rebellious grandson, Randy (Jeremy Jordan). Randy has an ear for music, but he also has an eye for Vi Rose’s beautiful and talented daughter, Olivia (Keke Palmer), and the sparks between the two teenagers are causing even more heat between G.G. and Vi Rose. If these two strong-willed women can overcome their differences and find a common voice, they — and their choir — may make the most joyful noise of all.

I’ve never been in a choir my entire life, but I gotta admit, there’s something cool about choirs. Then again, it could just be because this choir has Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah as battling enemies. I hear that tends to liven up a dull choir quite a bit. “Joyful Noise” certainly provides plenty of the two ladies. It’s too bad it has other people in it, too.

“Joyful Noise” is something. I won’t say a good thing, I won’t say a bad thing, but it is a thing to behold. Here’s the best way I’ve come up with to describe the movie. “Joyful Noise” is like an episode of “Glee” knocked up an Afterschool Special, and a bat-shit-crazy uncle raised that child. Part of it is the most watered down tripe you’ve ever witnessed, like they came up with the plot in fifteen minutes over too many shots…

At one point I became convinced that I had in fact died, and that I was trapped in some sort of purgatory—not quite hell, but close—that I couldn’t escape from, because “Joyful Noise” just won’t end. For some reason this movie is 117 minutes long, and it’s a clunky, uneven 117 minutes. At times it feels like they didn’t have an editor. It goes on and on and on, and it sags for a moment in the middle. You think the crazy is long gone, you think it is becoming another stale Lifetime rip off, but then, bam, crazy comes roaring back for a triumphant encore.