"I’ve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life… I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I’ve had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is fucking fantastic, if I said to her, I don’t dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny."

On his sex life becoming an endless loop of new girls rejecting him in clubs:

"Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!"

On finding a girlfriend:

"Do you think it’s going to take meeting someone who I admire more than I admire myself? But isn’t it also about a beautiful vagina? Aren’t we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? …I’ll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I’m using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it."

On his relationships:

“All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, But you’re John Mayer! So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to
meet anybody else.”

On masturbation:

“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.”

On if he pleasures himself daily:

“I don’t like that question, because it seeks to make me sound strange if I say ‘Yes, but of course I do.’ I mean, I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself."

On the paparazzi:

"I’ll be honest with you. All this weird shit about me? All this strangeness? I wouldn’t have a music career without it. But I am at odds with myself. I have some presence of psychological damage from the past 36 months. I have not had a woman appear in my dreams sexually without a paparazzi in the dream too. I can’t even have a wet dream without having to explain to someone who’s grinding on me, We can’t do this right now, because there’s a guy over there taking pictures."

Wow.

If that comment doesn't send Jennifer Aniston crawling back to John, we don't know what will.

i do not see what the fuss is over this man! he has a huge head an the dark rings under his eyes make him look like he has been up for way to long, possibly hangin with courtney love? all i can say is icky icky

this is one ugly bastard. he better keeping whacking himself off anyone who would fall for his line of bullshit not realizing all he wants to do is screw them deserves what he gives her. this guy has no style and no class. just keep using that hand idiot

I went out with a guy like him. He was good looking and talented, but thought he was exponentially smarter, wittier and superior to pretty much everyone on Earth. It turned out he was a sociopath. People like my douchy ex and John Mayer need to be quarantined from the rest of normal society so they can be studied and future generations of women can be taught how to avoid them and how to avoid creating them out of our sons.

I do not usually play matchmaker but I know who his soul mate is! I have found the female version of John Mayer. I am positive about this! John you can end your search right now! You are the perfect match for Courtney Love. I'm sure about this.

WOW what a totally full of himself DOUCHE!!!
He lost me when he dated Jessica Simpson LMAO!!!!
Do something for Haiti John and get the hell over yourself. Uou can play the guitar like jack, not much of a singer or looker. You have a forehead that can be seen from space.

So your struggling with sex, have to have the perfect vagina but can't find one, wack off, like to look at assholes and find men online better looking than some women……hmmmm I see a pattern here……..GAY!

For someone who thinks himself so smart, he doesn't seem able to figure out how to get out of the paper bag that is his obsessive narcissism. He's really focusing on all the wrong things and sounds miserable. He should take a break from his life for a year and disappear. Get back to his roots.

no wonder jen dumped him.who wants to spend time with the toilet john mayer?
verbal diarorrehea
dude
over talking over thinking
prolly have enough to get the lady that you need to be with but you cant open your eyes
"shut your mouth try not to panic-shut your mouth, you can do it"

Isn't this the same guy who made some other comments before about NOT talking about his relationships? And yet he makes like a back-handed slap at Jennifer Aniston, basically saying she's not good enough long-term relationship material for him, she doesn't "arc over the horizon" in his mind. Very poetic and yet crude. It ultimately comes off like he is not sincere, not as classy as he claims, and wow, it's such a hurtful thing to say in the press about your former relationship. It's like he wants to make sure that people don't think he was dumped. He wants to be the one who has control and was untouchable, never got hurt. And even if he did feel something, he diminishes the whole thing by glossing over with 'she wasn't the one' crap. I honestly didn't expect such pedestrian and cliche analyses of one's own feelings from someone who seems to dig so much deeper for answers. I do respect him as a musician, but holy cow, he just won some serious jerk points…

Self-important, pretentious morons like Lady Gaga and John Mayer make me rethink my feelings towards obvious air heads like Britney Spears. People who are ok with their stupidity are less annoying then people who think they're smarter and deeper than they are.

Now I understand why people don't like this guy. He's so full of himself. The more I read, the more I didn't like him. He almost has a bigger ego than Kanye West. But what does it matter what I think of him anyway?

He looks like Johnny Depp circa 1990 but he has issues pot smoking or so full of himself that he would do these interviews! No class in regards to privacy of others I really fill sorry for Jennifer Aniston this half wit speaking just screams how desperate she was for this skank !

First things first. Just so I know you'll listen I must report that I am pretty hot. You'd spend more than a week with a tent up around me. You might even splurge on that rv you've had your eye on.

I think you're kind of bright (though you do make some pretty appalling grammatical mistakes for an Ivy League dropout and commit egregious syntax and word choice infelicities for a lyricist, but I digress.) And your music is okay. But your obvious addiction to sex, drugs and attention is really making me uncomfortable. Could you please get off my tv and computer screen (I came here to write to you because I figure you'd check here before HuffPo).
Th-ay-aynks.
XXOO,
Pinky
p.s. Much like I imagine myself back in time and hope that I would fight valiantly against African bondage and the Nazis, I imagine that, if you ever told me you wanted me to "suck you off" [you're a bunghole-before-breakfast-watching pig, you know?] I would– rather than stare at you agog in disbelief that you had chosen little old me– instead rally a partisan/underground railroad movement of like-minded women to bring. your.ugly.harmful.misogynist.ass.down.

Re: lulu1975 – so funny that you say this, because that was exactly what i was thinking. i've always gotten a bad vibe from this douche, and i know how to spot people's issues. this guy is without a doubt a narcissist. he has a personality disorder, but most people in hollywood actually do, so i am not surprised. i'm getting tired of people's obvious problems and those who are blind to it.

Wow…for one - John's hair made me laugh the hardest I've laughed in a while. Two - I have a completely different outlook on him now that I've read this…Love your music, Johnny…but not you're lifestyle. You are a HOE.

Zayn previewed the duet by posting a black and white pic of himself with Swifty on his Instagram -- but hey, she is bestiez with his girlfriend Gigi Hadid, so it wouldn't be unusual that they hang out... But collab?!