Category Archives: Uncategorized

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: Old people, they’re f&%king adorable, and they smell like the bottom of a closet. Proctor and Gamble obviously know this, which is why they provided Mr. and Mrs. Koffmann (or is it Kouffman?) with a bunch of Swiffer cleaning supplies. This dynamic duo kicks off the video by talking about how awful it is to be old. They wander around their house with standard cleaning supplies and attempt daring feats like standing on a chair. Mrs. Koffman seemingly almost falls twice and the cameraman doesn’t even move, which further supports my theory that P&G only employees sentient soulless robots. As the ad progresses, a package labeled “Swiffer” arrives to save the day! It does everything, including prostate exams for Morty. Mrs. Koffman runs around the house cleaning and Morty sleeps on the couch, proving stereotypes in relationships still exist at 90 years old. The ad fades out with Morty still snoozing and the tagline: “It’s that easy, Morty #SwifferEffect”. Overall I learned two things about Swiffer, they finally figured out their target consumer, and their dusters come with a sleeping aide called #SwifferEffect, which is why I gave this heartwarming tribute to dementia a 4.5/5.

It may be obvious, but I haven’t blogged in roughly 3 years. My absence was largely due to starting my professional career. But professional careers are so professional, yah know? I believe everyone should have some outlet for absurdity. Back when I started this blog (when I was actually an intern), I envisioned a satiric irreverent look at the ad industry, while giving that industry’s work a rating.

With that in mind, here are 10 reasons why you should restart an advertising ratings blog or any blog for that matter.

10. The Gods have called upon me

Thor just came out in theaters and I saw it as a sign from Valhalla. Sometimes you have to do something silly, just like creating a second Thor movie. The only disappointing thing was they didn’t call it Thor II: The Thorarning.

9. Right Place, Right Time

Blogs are in like a Subreddit Twitter feed. I figure I can capitalize on this trend. In the words of the kanesian philosophers, the Wu-Tang Clan, “Cash Rules Everything Around Me, CREAM get the money. Dolla dolla bills ya’ll”.

8. Grow a Larger Network

It’s like virtual horticulture or something like that. I tried to water my computer so my network would grow, but that didn’t work out well.

7. Say funny things about companies I secretly hope to work for

It’s true, I work for a good company now and I’d be honored to work with anyone or anything I would joke about. Life is great. Just Do it. and uh… Diamonds Are Forever.

6. A Creative Outlet

It’s like a power outlet, but the only bill you pay is after you drink. A few beers and the ideas come as clear as a Scientologist; 6 beers and 12 hours later and you won’t have a creative thought outside of what headache medicine you should chose.

5. Rating an advertisement is all we do

Judging attributes of society arguably dates back to Ancient Greece. It’s like an allegory of a cave or something like that.

4. Anyone can do it

According to conventional marketing thought, most of our day is spent subconsciously accessing 1,000’s of messages. By that rationale, everyone (including myself) should be considered an professional advertising guru rock star.

3. It never hurts to try

Except if you’re that kitten

2. All the cool kids are doing it

Are nerds cool now or are the cool kids hipsters or are hipsters nerds? Someone please clarify.

1. For Fun

“I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun.” – Thomas Edison

I always thought people liked holes ever since that book I read in 6th grade and the Shia LeBeouf movie that was produced shortly after. Apparently, Charlie Baker loves to dig them like a ravenous meth addicted dog searching for its next big fix underneath a fencepost. Normally, I would stay away from a political smear campaign. They are usually under produced and say ridiculous sh$t about the other party. However, when a smear campaign has a full buyout of adultswim.com’s 30 second ad breaks, it is hard to not wonder wtf is up.

Dive In for more information on “Bay State Future” and why they would target such a niche website that serves primarily 18-24 year old males.

While I was watching an episode of Always Sunny In Philadelphia, I noticed a significant change. Before the pending episode a option to stop playing advertisements for 24 hours was presented. I causiously clicked yes and saw something astounding. The action to stop playing advertisements was sponsored by H&R Block?!

The marketing apocalypse has finally come. Advertisments are literally canceling out other advertisements. Think of the advertisments that could have been. They never had a chance to live! Abortion protestors should be furious.

I’ve been reflecting on this in relation to futurists. How Ray Bradbury spawned dreams of cars speeding past landscapes of endless elongated billboards begging people to read them. Or how Phillip K. Dick imagined massive digital video screens that knew your information before you said a word.

In all futurist novel’s and movies all an advertisor wants is a larger share of voice directly relatable to its audience. Is H&R Block’s advertising strategy any different? Is any advertising stategy any different?

All that and more right after this commercial break.

Did you like that advertisment? It doesnt sell Zune, however it makes me want to control factions of cute warring stuffed animals

A Case Study: Hulu vs. H&R Block.

What happens when an advertisor buys media space with the sole purpose of blocking out all other advertisements? Two possible answers occur to me. 1. Your media provider explodes creating a rip in the fabric of time space.2. I should send my resume to the Advertising Firm that represents H&R Block. Both answers are plausible explanations for why an advertisors would do such an audaciously cool thing.

1. The advertisor’s redundancy will fold apon itself creating a casym in the fabric of time and space.

When two contradictory forces fuse together it creates a rip in time space, distroying everything within a 1000 kilometer radius. Ussually, these contradictory forces are electromagatism and gravity. The only places in the universe in which both forces colide are black holes. The unification of these two forces is known as Unified Field Theory.

Wikipedia, the bastard son of the oxford english dictionary states, “In physics, a unified field theory is a type of field theory that allows all of the fundamental forces between elementary particles to be written in terms of a single field. There is no accepted unified field theory yet, and this remains an open line of research. The term was coined by Albert Einstein who attempted to unify the general theory of relativity with electromagnetism”.

The postulation of a unified field theory was Eienstien’s dieing conundrums. It’s theory was trying to find a plausible common ground between the forces of gravety and electromagetic force

I started this blog approximately 1 month ago. Unfortunately I haven’t updated it. The reasons are various, but mostly due to finals and the fact that I’m not interning anywhere at the moment. With school ended, my attempts at creating anything has dwindled to only manifesting thoughts when necessary. Most of my days have been occupied by Youtube, Hulu and StumbleUpon. If your an Ad Intern you can learn a lot of things from trolling these depths. For example, take this interesting adaptation about the new evolution of business to customer communication points.

This explosion of new media can be a bit bothersome. What will little creative nerds, dwebs and rejects like myself do if everyone just wants to tweet instead of watch tv? Conventional advertising would be doomed, cast away like beta tapes or the former president.

Regardless, Last night I didn’t sleep. I just laid in bed rolling around, counting sheep, counting the number of shutters per blind (40), and counting the days until I get back to Boston, school and my internship. Winter break is a long and frustrating experience. It’s too long to just simply read a good book and relax for a few days, but too short to find a job that is willing to hire you for 3.5 weeks.

In the movie Jarhead, I believe they called this limbo “the suck”. But, I think it feels a little bit like this.

So, the question becomes, What do creative students do while they are bored, have writers block, or can’t sleep? The answer, THE INTERNET. Find cool stuff that will occupy your time. Make neat little projects that will get you to keep on trucking and not fall into the drooling on a couch watching reruns of Maury trap.

Here is something I stumbled upon for starters. Its really great tutorials for photoshop.

If you have the new Adobe CS4 Suite take a look at tv.adobe.com. It’s a great way to get started with their really cool new product as well as show you how to use Adobe’s updated 3D mapping. If none of those things excite you, look for some cool advertisement executions and ask yourself why they worked, what worked about them, or how could they improve. Below are just a few examples of some great stuff I’ve found using StumbleUpon.

If you notice, most of these examples are OOH, that’s a good thing. It’s always nice to broaden your horizon’s past conventional print or television.