An odyssey with Mr Know-All

Erudite passengers on one side, Zeus and Alexander on the other: its full steam ahead for Frederic Raphael

As L P Hartley famously observed, the past is another country. It is also depopulated, which is what I like about it.

Swan Hellenic tours were originally devised as water-borne archeological rambles for similarly eager emigrants from the overcrowded present. The brochure for our Black Sea cruise promised visits to parts of the ancient Greek world I had never seen. So far, so irresistible. But, as we packed, I still feared a long, long fortnight: I don’t like being told when I have to be where; I don’t much like being told at all. Lining up at Heathrow, correctly ticketed and kitted (DJ optional), was like going to a new school where everyone else seemed to have chums. You wondered what the dorms would be like, and the food.

After flying to Thessaloniki, everyone had to board the towering 35,000-ton Minerva II by the same security-screened single gangway. To avoid