Be Still and Tune in to Your Soul

Thinking differently starts with the experience of momentary stillness. This stillness whispers to me. It says, “You are a beautiful person. Keep it up.” It says, “You are deeply and profoundly loved—pass it on.” It reminds me, “You are infinite perfection. Let others know that they are, too. Everything you want and need is already on its way. Tell everyone you meet.” I don’t experience this stillness when I doubt myself, feel ashamed of myself, or go against what I know my highest self wants. In fact, when I choose such self-sabotaging thoughts, the stillness I have seems to go away.

I have asked this stillness in the past, “Why, when I am in a dark place and struggling, do you leave me?” The answer is always the same: “You asked me to leave.” This I know is true. As Deepak Chopra says, “To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.”

We always have the choice between loving ourselves and feeling ashamed. When we choose to do things that cause us shame, or choose to feel ashamed because others tell us to, the Divine presence in each of us takes a backseat. It sends the wrong message to the universe. If I choose to get really drunk and embarrass myself, for instance, then I’m asking the universe to give me more experiences of shame and embarrassment.

When I feel insecure or ashamed or jealous, I don’t know how to offer others acceptance and love. It isn’t that I don’t want to, but when bitterness takes over it’s really hard, almost impossible, to find the love inside to offer to others. It’s as if it isn’t even there for me to give away. When I feel happy, on the other hand, the universe provides me with love and acceptance for those around me. I find I want everyone to know that they are loved and accepted as they are.

Eventually, it comes down to loving ourselves enough to get rid of whatever we don’t feel good about in life. Remembering that I am worthy of change and deserve something better helps propel me forward whenever I’m struggling to let go of something that isn’t good for me, be it a relationship or some aspect of my behavior. When I begin to contemplate myself as worthy of something more, I find the desire to change so strong that nothing can stop me.

I used to be really jealous when someone would tell me they were living in New York City and working at their dream job. I wanted to be doing something similar, but I had no idea what my dream job even was. Then one day it clicked for me. I was thinking about my career from a space of envy and frustration, so I wasn’t viewing others’ success from a space of love and joy. When I shifted my mind-set, things started to shift for me as well. I was able to let go of my envy when I realized that the people I envied had taken a leap of faith to move to NYC in the first place. They had taken on the risk of failure. When I realized that it was my own fear of failure that held me back, I no longer felt envious of my friends for going after their dreams—I felt like I wanted to join them! I wanted to be as brave as they had been.

I began to daydream all day long about the success I wanted— the life I wanted to be living. Before I went to bed, I would imagine how it would feel if everything worked out just as I dreamed it would, and I’d drift off to sleep with that feeling in my body. As a result, I truly felt excited for other people when they told me they were working toward their dreams or following their passion. I was excited for them because I truly believed it was going to happen for me soon, too—and then it did! Similarly, I had been afraid of writing and sharing my innermost self with people. But then one day, I just started to write, and I wasn’t afraid anymore.

There is something Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, said that I absolutely love and agree with: “I think very early on in life we all learn what we’re good at and what we’re not good at, and we stay where it’s safe.” We stay doing what we know we’re good at because the risk of failing is scary.

Once I was able to get past the fear of not measuring up, or the fear of failing, I was able to contemplate having things show up in my life that before seemed impossible.

Pushing myself to try things that were scary has made me a more compassionate and understanding person. Now if I meet someone who exhibits qualities I admire, I’m not envious; instead, I want to learn from them. I’ve come back to a place of love, by quieting my ego and listening to my soul.

When we are insecure or frustrated with ourselves, insecurity and frustration are what we have to give. We cannot give away what we don’t have, after all. I meet people all the time who are so insecure or upset or frustrated with themselves and their lives that they cannot be happy for anyone else. Or they pretend to be happy for others, but inside are condemning, jealous, or bitter. Secretly they may be judging that the person doesn’t deserve their good fortune, or hoping it won’t last forever. People who are living from this place are not bad or evil; they’re simply lacking love for themselves. They do not know how to create the lives they want for themselves, and all they have to offer are the feelings of lack they’re experiencing inside.

Many people have said to me, “Of course it’s easy for you to follow your passion—you have wealthy parents who would never let you end up on the street.” Their thinking often goes like this: I have bills to pay and mouths to feed. I can’t just quit my job to pursue my dreams. When I hear this, I always think, No one is telling you to quit your job! There are many ways to start following your dreams, even while paying the bills. After all, my dad wrote his first book, Your Erroneous Zones, while he was still a professor. He wrote it while on vacation! He was following his passion and focusing on what he ultimately wanted to do, which was to write. When you have a passion, the drive comes naturally, and you align with the abundant nature of the universe.

Serena Dyer is a south Florida native who loves travel, adventure and trying new things. Passionate about human rights, Serena recently completed her Master’s degree at the University of Miami, focusing on human trafficking. Serena is traveling the globe and blogging about it while also maintaining her hobbies of cooking, reading, working to combat human trafficking, and being with her 7 brothers and sisters! Serena has co-authored a book about growing up with spiritual parents with her father, Dr. Wayne Dyer, called “Don’t Die With Your Music Still In You” which will be released June of 2014. Serena lives in south Florida with her fiance. You can follow Serena on Twitter.

I just read this article as I drank my morning coffee. What a wonderful way to start the day! Thank you for sharing your positive message with us Serena. I cannot wait to read the entire book. Cheers!

Serena Dyer

Thank you so much for your lovely comment! I am glad I could be part of your morning! XOXO

Gillian

Awesome article Serena, best of luck with your book! So excited for you. I’ve read all your dad’s books and now I have yours to read as well

Serena Dyer

Thank you!!! I hope you enjoy it and God bless you! XO

http://www.finallywriting.com/ Jackie

Serena, I love this. I am particularly inspired by the exercise you shared where you visualize and feel your dreams alive and living out in your life, before going to bed. I am going to try this. Often I fall asleep thinking about all that I want to get done the next day, or reflecting on things that happened earlier. I am realizing, that at the core of this thinking is a lack mentality (not having done enough, should have done things differently etc.). This lack energy is more powerful than I a realize and I am looking forward to shifting it more to an energy of love and abundance. I will use your exercise tonight. xox

Serena Dyer

Just understanding how this cycle creates more of what you don’t want in your life is half the battle! This practice will work for you- I am confident! XOXO

Graham

Beautiful! To receive inspiration from someone who clearly does love themselves is a powerful and comforting feeling. Thank you for sharing, and encouraging us to pass it on

Positively Positive

Thx @disqus_wl2jJ4ALKx:disqus!

Serena Dyer

Thanks Graham- loving myself has been a long time coming- but I am glad it comes out in my message and I am even more glad that it is comforting for you XOXO Serena

Kerri

This found me on the right day. I believe in and ask for signs and this is a sign. I struggle with unrealistic expectations of myself. Those unrealistic expectations create an anxious attitude which results in body symptoms of a panic attack. I’m able to calm myself down now, through techniques I’ve learned from CBT. MY fear of failure is strong. I run from fear and change. I don’t know how to realistically goal set. Goal setting is so black and white in my mind. It’s I do everything on my list today or I’m lazy. The pressure I put on myself is ridiculous. I’m going to use the visualization exercise you shared. I think it boils down to self-love with me. I’m able to accept some aspects of myself but not all. I can still get bogged down in frustration and insecurity. I will work on accepting myself as I find myself.

Positively Positive

Happy to hear you found Serena’s post on the right day @disqus_Y2RpzFw25Q:disqus

Serena Dyer

Hi Kerri,

I so appreciate your response and openness. I believe that the hardest part of accepting ourselves is being honest with ourselves and it sounds like you are on that path. I believe in you- and I have confidence in your ability to do this- for yourself above all. I send you love, healing, light, and fun!

XOXO

Serena

Sheila Bergquist

I enjoyed your article, but I have to say that your response to people who are less fortunate and worried sick about bills and possibly ending up on the street, to the fact that your dad was a professor and on vacation when he wrote his first book is…ridiculous…sorry, but that’s the only word I can use! His situation was hardly a rough one compared to people who have lost their jobs or undergone some other crisis and are just trying to make it through each day. Also, the very fact that you would never end up on the streets is a blessing that some people don’t have. I rarely write responses like this, but this just struck a nerve. Sorry to be negative, but really!

Positively Positive

Thank you for sharing your opinion @sheilabergquist:disqus

Serena Dyer

Hi Sheila, I appreciate your response. I didn’t elaborate on why my dad was in a rough situation- but I have to say, if you knew the details you would agree he was. Although he was on “vacation” he had rented a motel for 2 weeks to get away from his life in NY as he was going through a rough divorce. He had just visited his father’s grave, for the first time in his life, and was heading down a dangerous road of drinking as well as being overweight and unhealthy. What I meant when I said my dad was in a rough situation wasn’t just about finances, it was about a deeper level of pain and suffering that he was experiencing at that time in his life. My point was that it is my belief that even in the midst of suffering, we can make choices and take action to turn our lives around. I understand that it isn’t as easy for some as it is for others, however i believe that it is still a possibility for everyone- despite their circumstances in life; financial or other wise.

Sheila Bergquist

Dear Serena, that certainly changes the picture and I appreciate you adding this. And I do understand and agree with what you are saying. We can try to turn our lives around always, despite what we’re going through. The way you described it in the article just sounded so trivial and having been through a ton of misery and grief lately, it just hit me wrong. I apologize for being so blunt. Thanks for the reply.

I love your comment! I wish I was able to meditate every day as you do, however i am a work in progress and I am trying to get to where you are at- so thanks for the encouragement! XOXOX Serena

Susan

Dear Serena, You write as beautifully as your father whom I have followed for many years. Thank you for following your dreams, taking the writing risk and helping myself and others. You are way younger than me but so inspirational. This arrived for me as no accident to read your article. I love it. I also love hearing you sing. Love to you both. Susan

Positively Positive

So glad you enjoyed this post @disqus_TZ8TmuMSur:disqus!

Serena Dyer

Hi Susan,

I appreciate your kind and beautiful words! Thank you for saying you think I write beautifully- I am just getting started but it is so wonderful to hear that as it is easy to allow doubt and fear to creep in Thanks again for taking the time to share a message of kindness- not many people do that! Love to you as well Susan- XOXO Serena

Susan

Thanks soooo much for actually replying back! I never expect that from these posts from famous and published writers to take the time. It means a lot, especially as a follower of your father forever. All the best to you now and in the future.

Nikki J

Hi Serena this article is very inspiring and I appreciate you for writing this. Lately I have been looking up positive quotes and inspirational messages because I used to be so negative and I really want to change, but its hard sometimes. It really hit home when you stated that “when we are insecure and frustrated with ourselves, that’s all we have to offer others”. That made me think about why my relationships always fail, because I allow my bitterness and anger to consume me sometimes because of the hurtful things I’ve gone through. But reading your article is wonderful because it will encourage me to be positive so that I can be in a place to give off love. Thanks so much and I pray you stay blessed and continue to be a blessing to others.