The Pathological Liar

Miss Harrington: But I don’t understand – why are you telling me this?

Laura: I’m telling you, because Tommy Flanagan is a pathological lair, and he’s been making fools of both of us!

Miss Harrington: No. It’s just not possible. Thomas is too sweet.

Laura: Alright, then, answer me this – where was he last weekend?

Miss Harrington: At the Master’s Tennis Open. He came in second, you know.

Laura: Wrong! He was with me in Atlantic City! He even got me these diamond earrings!

Miss Harrington: Oh, those are lovely! I used to have a pair exactly like them.

Laura: You did?

Miss Harrington: Oh, but some burglars broke in last week. Fortunately, that’s all they got, because Thomas chased them off. He’s so brave! Anyway.. mine weren’t real, just cheap costume jewelry.. [ Laura pulls her earrings off, as the doorbell rings ] Oh! That must be him! [ answers the door ]

Tommy Flanagan: Uh, uh.. pretty good.. I had lunch with the President! Yeah! In fact, he promoted me! Yeah. I’m gonna be the new spokesman for the State Department! Yeah.. sure, I am. It turned out that other guy was a liar! Well, I gotta go..

Laura: Tommy! Before you take off, maybe Miss Harrington should read this note you left by my bed this morning! [ holds up note ]

Miss Harrington: [ reads ] “Dear Laura: Sorry about last night. That’s never happened to me before. It was the first time. That’s it! Yeah! That is the ticket!”

Tommy Flanagan: Well.. I couldn’t have written that! I don’t talk like that!

Miss Harrington: And, besides, that happens to him all the time!

Tommy Flanagan: Yeah! [ frowns ]

Laura: Oh, well, then.. what about this tattoo you talk me into getting! [ pulls shirt open to reveal “Tommy” surrounded by hearts on her chest ]

Tommy Flanagan: That.. it’s, uh.. uh.. yeah!

Miss Harrington: There! You see?

Tommy Flanagan: There! You see?

Laura: Alright, then! [ holds up newspaper ] How about this picture of us in the picture together, dated last Thursday?

Miss Harrington: Thomas.. I hope you can explain this!

Tommy Flanagan: Alright, alright, ladies.. I’m gonna come clean with ya.. I’m gonna tell you the truth! [ paces ] You see.. the truth is.. uh.. that, uh.. that’s my double! Yeah! I’m a spy! Yeah, in fact.. I’m a double agent! Yeah, that’s it! Why, I’m so important, there’s two of me! Yeah! And they sent him to Atlantic City to see, uh.. to see if there was any gambling going on! Yeah. And they still don’t know!

Laura: But it looks just like you!

Tommy Flanagan: Oh, no, no.. that’s black and white! I’m in color!

Miss Harrington: Oh! Well, that explains everything!

Laura: Yeah, I guess so.. I guess I owe the both of youse a big apology..