Wow, Sage chucks a wobbly, Barry picks-up on it, and here is the result.

***

Having a bad hair day? Letting off steam amongst friends? An over the top reaction to political correctness gone mad? Or whatever you like to call it. I think we all have them from time to time. Sage (not to be confused with TheSage) certainly had one yesterday. It was 5:29pm ovf time on the 2nd February, 2005 when he took a huge stick to suggestions for banning smoking in certain parts of Vale Park. That is: those suggesting a review of where and where not smoking should be allowed.

There is no doubt in my mind that Sage felt considerably better once his little, erm, big rant was over and done with.

Anyway, the following is meant to be tongue in cheek. Please accept it as such and enjoy.

And we’ll Ban the Bleeding Lot

Let’s start by banning smoking
On the Hamil terraces,
As well as all those people
Who cough and sneeze and wheeze.Hey, why not ban ex smokers
Plus their families and friends,
And all who drive a foreign car
Like a fine Mercedes Benz.

Next to ban is flatulence
From intestines deep and foul,
Especially where people
Stand together cheek by jowl.

Of course I’ve put coarse language
As a top priority,
And we’ll also ban its use
In the Bycars’ lavatory.

Let’s ban the beer at half time
And replace it all with pop,
Plus all people caught using snuff,
Yes, we’ll ban the bleeding lot.

Let’s ban all shapes and sizes,
The short ones and the tall,
Who cannot get into the ‘Vale
Through a template in the wall.

And what about those know-alls
Who rabbit on all day,
Plus all the Moaning Minnies,
Yes, let’s ban the lot I say.

Then we have Paul Gobbyash,
He’s the ‘Vale’s tannoy man,
For me there is no doubting
He’s another we should ban.

Let’s ban all folk wearing clothes
Not purchased from our ‘Club,
Plus all those caught not sipping drinks
From a Boomer drinking mug.

Whatever folk are thinking
Most certainly wont do,
We’ll threaten them with exile
To our neighbours Stoke or Crewe.

We’ll ban those with opinions
We view as negative
That harms our health and wellbeing,
Yes, of them we must be rid.

For those who strongly argue
All the viewpoints that they hold,
We’ll close our hearts and minds
And ban them from the fold.

Now if you like a laugh or two
With jokes and humour poor
Your ban will be immediate
And you’ll be shown the door.

And if we do not like you
You haven’t got a show,
We’ll ban you without question
And it’s on your bike you’ll go.

Let’s ban all those supporters
Who come from out of town,
They’ll only spread infection
So, let’s ban them from our ‘Ground.

Now all the trains and bleeding cars
Polluting atmosphere
Should be banned forthwith I say
Of that I’m very clear.

It’s not just all those smokers,
Or others using pot,
Just give us all your reasons
And we’ll ban the bleeding lot.

Barry Edge
Western Australia
February 3, 2005

🙂

***

Hi folks, its 1823 hours Friday 4th February and I’ve just received a cyber postcard from Sage to say thank you for the above verse which, he writes, more than adequately expressed his sentiments. Oh, and to ask me to let you all know that he’s feeling much better today. He even put his thoughts to verse as follows:

Poems from ‘Downunder
Can often make one wonder
If venting one’s frustration
Could lead to castigation.

A full response I haven’t time
To set to song or whimsical rhyme,
But just a little thank you note
To Barry for the things he wrote.

For understanding what I meant,
Was never meant with malcontent,
That sometimes when you’re feeling low
That ovf’s the place to go.

We let off steam when work is done,
We read some views and have some fun,
So bear in mind before you freak –
A lot of posts are tongue in cheek.

Yours truly,
Sage

I told Sage I was going to footnote his cyber thank you and this was his reply:

A footnote would be dandy,
It may even come in handy
To refer back to the day
When rhyme became my way.