Constantly feel like a rubbish mum!

My LO is nearly 6 weeks old and I have been coping well, usually happy just a bit more tearful...but I just can't help worrying what people think, and thinking I must be a bad mother. I know this is a bit irrational as my LO is always changed and fed and bathed.

I think it stems from when I was in the hospital having him, tbh. A stupid woman I know told me (when I was pregnant) that the hospital tended to keep younger mums in longer, and when I mentioned off hand that I'd never changed a nappy, she looked shocked and said Well, they will keep you in hospital at least a week - making me think i must know nothing about babies....

I had a difficult birth and an emergency c section - went onto the ward where all the mums had c sections as well (I had own room though). Most of them stayed in bed for their 2-3 night stays, only getting up to go to the loo etc, and the midwives helped them with their LOs a lot of the time. But I was so scared what they would think about me as a mother (stupid i know) that I was walking 4 hours after the operation...I did everything for my lo never once asked for help, even getting up to feed or change or fetch bottles of milk when I was still attached to catheter and drips. When I left the hospital I felt like i could relax and stop worrying whether or not people thought i was a "bad mum" but this has proved incorrect.

My LO is not a cuddly kind of baby, he doesnt much like being held unless you walk around with him or give him dummy. He is happy to sit in his chair and be talked to or amuse himself lyin on his mat. I keep getting paranoid that he hates me.

Have to go now, he needs feeding but does anyone else feel like this?!?!

I felt a alot like this when Millie was tiny. I had a 'natural' birth but I lost a huge amount of blood, had a lot of stitches from an episiotomy and was basically in a right state! I had never had anything much to do with babies so it was all very new as well. My lovely mum was fantastic and helped alot as did oh but I still felt like I was rubbish at it. It didn't help that I was breastfeeding so every time I tried to settle Millie she just wanted feeding, it seemed like every one else could get her to settle but I couldn't and I was convinced she liked my mum better than me! I can promise that Gabe doesn't hate you, he just isn't big enough to show you how much he needs you. The bigger it gets the easier it is as they start to be able to interact more with you and it is much more rewarding. Hang in there hun and if you are really struggling speak to you health visitor, she will have heard it all before and will be able to help you.Kerry xx

Sorry you had the same thing with Millie, I know how crap it feels right now.

Well after i wrote that message I had a really bad day basically! He wouldn't stop crying (because I picked him up), I wouldnt stop crying...argh...He just HATES being cuddled (unless its right after a feed.) I imagined having a lovely cuddly baby but no i have one who just wants to be left alone. I know some people have the opposite problem tho, i guess its worse for them.

I think it might be because hes discovering movement, and is really wriggly, maybe he just wants to move rather than be restrained by someone holding him? But I feel like I'm clutching at straws and the real reason is because he just doesnt like me?

I agree with you about them being more rewarding as they grow - it's nice when they're tiny (not that Gabe ever was, haha) but horrible when they're crying and you don't know why.

This sounds really nasty to wish time away but we saw a couple at the weekend with a 6 month old and he was so smiley and funny, playing with everything and it makes me think I wish Gabe was a bit older so I could make him smile like that (he is smiling now, but not often yet).

Millie was never really very cuddly either untill she got to about 18 months! Now she's the opposite, climbs all over you kissing and cuddling you. She was always a very wriggly baby as well so I think you might be right about them just wanting to be able to move.

I don't think it is nasty to wish he was bigger, newborn babies are such hard work and really you don't get anything back at all. I am really excited about number 2 arriving but at the same time I am a bit nervous about the first few weeks as I can remember how much hard work it was last time round.

I found that if I took it one day at a time it was easier to get through and then suddenly you wake up one day and think 'god, this is easier than it used to be!' Just remember that he DOES like you, you're his mummy and his favourite person in the world even if it doesn't seem like it, he already trusts you to always be there when he needs you and he couldn't manage without you, he just isn't very good at showing it yet!xx

I am the same. I think I am crap mom as don' t enjoy being with my son in house on my own. He too is not 'cuddly' and won't really sit on a lap and needs constant entertaining. When we are out he is really good but the moment just me and himin house he cries and is blooming hard work. I used to think that he doesn't like me. However am being reffered to local psychiactric hosp to deal with issues floowing birth. Sorry computer is doing random errors. I too had emergency c section (under general anaesth) and baby was critically ill and on life supprt for 10 days. All ok now but when brought him home i felt judged as i had to change my first nappy under direction of special care nurses and had to prove i could breast feed b4 he was allowed home so felt under scrutiny, although in reality they were just being professional. I could go on.......... he is 5 mths now and it is still hard work but i feel like i know what i am doing now! Good luck x

my little girl was just like that to didt like to be picked up or cuddled and i always thought see didt like me .she would smile but for some reason not for me.i know just how you feel but it does get better now she always wants cuddles and kisses telling me i love you mummy

I felt like that after my second baby. I had my first with my ex and that was good because he was such a good baby. I had my second and it went downhill. I love both of my babies exactly the same but I felt constantly worried about playing with one then the other being left out. I know now that they are happy ;little boys but it got on top of me. xx