Saturday, October 15, 2005

We need to take a stand, people.

So I'm perusing bags at Bluefly.com, hoping with every fiber of my short but massifically (I know. I'll work it out later) dense little being that the green Ani bag I love will go on sale. Or that something equally wonderful will already be on sale.

I hit the clearance section first. Any sane woman would, of course.

Handbags, yum. I'm scrolling. Scrolling. Scrolling. And I see a cute Kate Spade messenger bag. Cute. Not fabulous, but cute. I stop. It's $150. I'm about to move on when I spot an evil little word: "nylon."

I double check. Because I find it hard as hell to believe a NYLON bag could be on sale for over $50, let alone a dabgum $150. Nope, there it is. It says "nylon."

Say what? Say the fuck what? Prada, Katie, y'all can kiss my black ass. You must be out of your goddamned minds if you think I'm stupid enough to pay a 5000% markup on a crappy nylon bag just because your name is on it. Matter of fact, lookahere: you could step to me with thorn scars on your head, a scabbed-over hole in your side, and the initials J. C. gangsta-tatted on your left asscheek, and I wouldn't pay money like that for anything you were selling. You know, unless those bags held a whole lot of bread, fish and wine. And then it would depend on the vintage. Seriously.

I don't spend over $50 on any wearable--bag, shoe or otherwise--that did not cost someone or something a life, do you hear me? If you are going to ask that kind of money, something somewhere had better goddamn-well be dead. Or at least naked and cold as hell.

How in the hell did they think they could charge that kind of money for $3 worth of materials and labor? Oh, that's right: Some fools are actually buying it.*

Ladies, my people: This shit has got to stop. Say no. Please. Because I don't care if your shopping tote has a little black triangle on the side. Or if your new headscarf is covered with interlocking C's. All that tells me is you've been foolish enough to pay ten times the price the rest of us paid to keep our ears covered and our hands free. Pat yourself on the back. Then, to borrow from the, uh, Most Muhfukkin', go die. Or something. Eventually, if we all hold hands around the world and collectively tell these coked-up fashion types to go fuck themselves, they'll get the message and actually start to ask roughly, give or take a twenty, what things are worth.

*I know I'm going to lose some love here, but can I just say how much I hate the logo Coach bags? Because I love Coach bags--the real ones. The hand-worked, supple, buttery, beautifully-hued leather bags. But those cloth bitches with the C's all over 'em? Waste of goddamn money. And ugly as shit. Wait a paycheck and get the real thing. Be subtle with your siddity. Those of us who do carry them can spot one without the label. They're that good. And they do last forever. I got a leather messenger for my high school graduation--almost ten years ago now--and it is as beautiful, stylish and functional now as it was then, and I'm pretty sure it'll get better over the next ten years. Hell, my mama has a bunch, some of them old enough to drive in most states, and they still look good. It's a $400 investment. The cloth ones are just...meh. And out within a few seasons. Please. Stop buying the crap versions so Coach can get back to its glory. Kthx.

Did I just bitch and moan about brand-consciousness only to insult the brand-conscious by calling their choices low class? Yup, I think I did. How do I pull that shit off in my head? Anyhoo, happy weekend.

11 Comments:

I would just like to amend this statement to include my disdain for ridiculous markups on all other synthetic and natural fabrics. If I can go buy it by the bolt, you can't be trying to charge me an ass of money for it.

I share your love for the real Coach bags and disdain for the stupid sheep who spend way too much money for the ugly, cloth purses that are worth a fraction of the price. It's that Gucci/Louis Vuitton fascination that Coach thinks they need to sink to. I never understood why women love those bags.

I am so glad I am not alone! I hate those dreaded bags. I wish Coach would stop making that mess. And what really breaks my heart is when someone takes the "signature" too far. Literally, head to toe in C's. And it is not even matching!

I hate the signature line too. If I can afford that designer shit, I want it to be of good quality and also not looking like "HI! I'm desperate to act like I'm cool and show off that I can afford Coach and other shit like that."

You are funny as hell! And as one who will not spend any more money on a purse/bag than she has in her current purse/bag - I am restricted to carrying pleather totes from Target. Well, not really. But almost :)

i agree with everyone here. i am totally into designer products... when they are well-designed. then it seems absolutely worth it to pay more - because you know you're getting quality materials, reinforced stitching, lining that doesn't rip easily, etc etc etc.

the other throw-away stuff they make is just tacky tax. they're taking money away from tacky people. and in a way, i don't blame them - the designers, i mean. if you make something tacky and someone overpays for it, is that your fault?

And the kicker is that as far as nylon bags go, that Prada one looks cheap as hell. You'd pay a fraction of the cost and get better quality at Target.

My Coach brief that I got as a wedding present from the ex, is onf of my most prized possesion. Quality up the wazzoo and backed by Coach (I've had the hardware replaced when I broke it). I look in the Coach store today and even leather goods don't come close to the quality of even a few years ago. I have a Coach wallet backed by a lifetime guarantee. It's damaged beyond repair so I could trade it in for a new one. They don't make anything even somewhat appealing.

I'm Donney carrier not a Coach fan. But I do agree. The Prada bags from Canal look just like the real thing -- nylon and all.

One thing I can't stand are those "scribble" bags made by Coach and the "hearts" bags by Dooney & Bourke. All those rainbow colors give me a headache. Their bags made for teens. Whenever I see a grown woman carrying one I just shake my head.