Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Government Probe Reveals CBC Males Neutered

(REUTERS - AP)

A shocking new inquiry by the Federal Conservatives has revealed what many have suspected all along -- that for years, one of the job requirements for on-air employment and feature news writing for the CBC is mandatory castration for male recruits. Since 1969, the first year of the Trudeau government, a resident surgeon has performed the operation upon final approval during the hiring process. The next step, (after a 14 day healing period) has traditionally been a renouncement of independent thought and a pledge of allegiance to the politically correct traditions of the corporation. If there appears to be a retention of a sense of humour or personal commentary, a partial frontal lobotomy is the next step.

"If you've always wondered why interviewers like Peter Gzowski, newsreaders like Peter Mansbridge, or so-called entertainers like Ralph Benmurgui have grated on the thinking person's nerves with their apopleptically neutral viewpoint, and lack of genuine vitriol, this would explain a lot," said the chair of the Committee To Encourage Crackpot Right-Wing Views, Magnus McFayden. "How Don Cherry actually slipped by is still a matter of debate, as well as a long-standing office pool."

The report went on to say that the Machiavellian practice is expected to be phased out by late spring, when all current employees of the CBC are expected to be replaced by physically-challenged vegan Asian lesbians with heavily feminist agendas.