Category happy

1. Do You
If you loved someone and it broke down and you’re trying to move on, the first thing to do is focus on yourself. Think about the way you want to be, your goals for the future, HOW you’re going to make yourself happy.

When I was trying to get over someone this year it felt like it would never happen. Of course you can take your few days to have a cry and feel sorry for yourself or if you’re me get off your head hammered. But after that you need to snap out of it and realise it’s over and the sooner you realise that the sooner you will be happy. I decided I was going to put all of my effort into work. I was going to earn loads of money, save up, move out and travel, which would hopefully make me happy. I’ve been doing that all Summer and I feel really proud for how hard I’ve worked and how far I’ve come.

2. Chill with the lads/girls
Your mates love you and they don’t want to see you sad over some bastard/bitch. You should have a rule that yous never mention their name in convo. Chill out, go cruising, go on a night out, do anything that takes your mind off what you’re feeling because you’ll soon realise 2 hours has passed and you haven’t thought about them once. Do not isolate yourself and listen to achy breaky love songs… trust me..it won’t help.

3. Delete and Block it all Those photos you have on your phone are no good to you now, they will only make you sad/pissed off. Delete them all so you don’t have to see them ever again. Block your ex on everything, because we all know you be checking their whatsapp last seen like there’s no tomorrow wondering who they’re texting, why are they online, and worst of all sending drunk texts that don’t fucking delete from the convo. Block all that shit, you don’t need the stress of that. Out of sight, out of mind.

4. “I miss you”
This WILL happen. No matter what they did.. It will suddenly hit you that you miss them. You will want to text or ring them and hear their voice or have a chat, maybe try work things out?
This is because at one point you did love them but you miss what you HAD. Most of the time you do not miss THEM. You hear a song, or see something that reminds you of them and you’re hit with a PANG. When this happens think about the bad things, why it broke down in the first place.. How annoying they can be.. How they never shut the fuck up.. How mean they can be.. How THEY haven’t text/called you once..Whatever it is about them that you don’t like, fucking focus on that shit and make sure it’s all you think about when they unfortunately come into your head. Remember that they’re not missing you.

5. Get with someone else
This is selfish but I believe it has to happen. You need the attention and you need to know you still got it. Go out and talk to someone you like, and be with them. It can just be a one night thing, no strings attached but being with someone else will make you feel better in the long run. You realise you can have other people and that down the line there will be somebody else for you. And if nothing else, it’s sex so end of argument haha.

6. Give it enough time
Getting over someone you really loved is never going to be an easy or quick process. I seriously think it’s one of the hardest things to go through in life but if you give yourself enough time and enough space away from that person you should feel your heart slowly mending itself and after awhile you feel a lot stronger than you did when it first happened.

7. Realise what you’re worth
Now I’m pretty sure you are all wonderful people but unfortunately not many people give themselves the credit. You need to value yourself and recognise that you need to be treated WELL. Nobody deserves to be treated badly and you should never let anyone do that to you. Gain back your confidence and learn to love yourself. Which is a VERY hard thing to do for some people, including myself, but once you do…you find happiness. Write down one thing you like about yourself everyday until you have a long list. Once you feel good about yourself you will feel positive about YOUR future and not dwell in the past.

8. Keep Busy
After these 7 things a few weeks maybe months should have passed, and through doing these things you should encounter new people and new things. So all of a sudden you realise that you haven’t thought about them all day. You don’t even care who they’re texting or what they’re up to because you’re busy with YOUR life. You’re on your way to achieving your goals whatever they may be and you might even like someone else who’s making you forget about them completely. For the first time in a long time you know you’re going to be okay.. which means you’re well on the road to happiness.

It took me a long time to get through these steps especially since I have BPD and when I love someone I reaaaally love them and when it ends it can feel like my whole world is falling apart and there’s no point in even being here. It can get very bad. But I’ve changed my mindset and literally forced myself out of bed so many times so that I can go out and better myself. A few months down the line I’m finally happy, I’m seeing someone I really really like and care about, (She loves me 😉), and I’m working hard towards my goals.

You deserve to be happy and if you’re going through a break up I feel for you. But don’t stay at the pity party too long because the rest of your life is waiting and life is extremely short. Try spend it happy.

So just about everybody has heard the term ‘fuckboy’ at this stage. It’s going around a lot nowadays but incase you don’t know what it means it’s basically what was formerly known as a prick/player/dick/bastard to women.. Whichever you like yourself hahah.. Generally it’s the type of guy that leads girls on, messes with their head, looking for one thing blah blah I’m sure you know one or two off the top of your head 😊

To be completely honest with ya I’ve been called a fuck boy a few times haha but “of course” I don’t think I am.. Maybe I was.. But I really don’t think so anymore.. At least I try my very hardest not to be.

Anyways this blog is not about fuckboys because tbh us men get a pretty bad rep the whole time and it’s hard for us to fight back cause in fairness to girls they do have a lot of evidence to go on and BY FUCK are they good at getting that evidence hahaha …

BUT there are fuckgirls too. Or fuckgirlos if you’re from Dublin and you’re dealing with these moths that think they are the bees knees like, hunreal. When really they’re a walking STI…By Deans definition they are a head melter/ teaser/ mindfucker / or basically just a heartless bitch..in case you didn’t understand what I was getting at hahah but unfortunately for us blokes they are usually unreal looking and what’s in our jocks controls a lot of what we do and think… and anyways you can’t really be playing people with a face like Freddie Krueger now can ya? Hard to get?! You’re hard to want! Hahahaha

These girls will chew you up and spit you out on the daily. They think you’re going to hurt them so they hurt you first. Yeno why? Because they’ve been hurt in the past..

Who the fuck hasn’t?

They tease you, flirt their hole off with you, leave you thinking you’re DA FOOKIN MAN, LAD of all lads, make you feel like you’re in there like bleedin’ swimwear but then nothing. They don’t want anything.. “They’re not that kinda girl”. Yeah fucking right… They hook you with a good sense of humour and some interesting shit to say and if you’re anything like me those two things combined with a nice face (ass) is enough to make you wanna marry this girl. BUT she’s the same with everyone, she’s texting a few fellas and they’re all thinking the same.. I’m in there, she wants a piece of this.. look at the amount of winky faces she’s giving me ehhh!! Hahaha yeno the craic…

Meanwhile she’s screenshotting everything your sappy ass sends her and sending it to her girlos in a groupchat being like “awww bless” and the rest of them are ripping the complete piss out of you. You’re a goner dude. Game over.

To me getting played by one of these bitches is worse than being stuck in the friend zone for all of eternity.

ITS NOT CHRISTMAS BUT I CAN MAKE YA MY X MISS !!

I’m not saying girls can’t flirt and have fun without it having to lead somewhere but these bitches go one further, they make you trust them, open up to them, fall in love with them but in reality you actually don’t mean anything to them man. You’re just another fella that’s probably going to hurt her down the line anyway so she’ll cut it off when it gets “too much” and he’s proper fallen for her which leaves him heartbroken, hating on bitches and vowing to be an asshole for the rest of his life ha..sad face…

It’s a pretty bad circle to be stuck in.. You’ve got hurt before and you don’t want that to happen again so YOU do the hurting, fuck them.. Boys don’t have feelings! Haha they don’t care! They only want sex anyway…Hmmmm

I’ve learnt to try avoid these girlos but they are quite good at the game, and sometimes mans be weak. But if a bitch starts playing me I’ll play her twice as hard because after all .. Lads are pros at it anyway 😉

!!

All jokes aside, it’s not a good way to live life and it’s just a fucking shitty way to treat people. Nothing I value more than someone who is outstraight about how they feel.. No need for the mind games ..She loves me..She loves me not kinda shit …

Nobody got time for that

But if your girls a hairdresser fucking keep her cause free cuts man! She can do what she likes better than paying 15 quid every 2 weeks hahaha😉

Isn’t it scary how we can never tell what a person is really thinking?

Isn’t it scary how the person we think loves themselves, despises every part of their body?

Isn’t it scary that we would never know that someone cries themselves to sleep every night but they are so cheerful in the day…

Isn’t it scary to think about the amount of stuff you’ve gone through in your life..everyone else has gone through stuff too, nobody gets out without a scar.

Isn’t it scary how some people think money=happiness .. Including myself for awhile, but now that I have money I know that it doesn’t. You can’t fill your heart with material things, you need to fill your heart with love.

Isn’t it scary how you can date a girl that seems really nice and innocent but can turn into a psycho ex FAST? Hahaha.. That ones kind of a joke..

Isn’t it scary that none of us know each other’s daily struggles and it stays within us until we choose to tell someone..

Isn’t it scary that the person who laughs the most and the loudest could be feeling extremely lonely inside.

Isn’t it scary to think that even though we are all born into this world the exact same way with no choice in the matter..some people believe they are better than others because of their race, religion, gender, wealth, intelligence, sexuality, the family they came from, the location of their house, any other reason people judge people.

Isn’t it scary to think that some people would read this, not flinch and continue to be a shit human with disregard for others.

Isn’t it scary to KNOW that people can slowly break down throughout life because of other people’s unkindness and the worlds cruelty. The dreams that they had as a little boy/girl and teenager slowly die inside them until there’s nothing left and they give up.

This could be happening to anybody you know. It’s not easy to see and it’s not up to you to analyse someone but what you can do is be kinder towards everyone you come across. We all face battles everyday and some of us are stronger than others, but there is no need to make life harder by being a shit human. Life=Life.. Every single persons life in this world matters and we are all equal.

We can never know what people go through day to day but we can make their day easier by not judging and being unkind in any way. Think before you act/speak. Don’t play on and point out people’s insecurities. Don’t whisper and laugh about people you see passing by. You wouldn’t like that done to you so don’t do it to someone else. Nobody should feel like if they are going to be themselves they’re going to get abuse. Everybody should have the chance and the confidence to be the way that’s most comfortable to them.

To me, someone’s dreams dying is very unfortunate.

Someone dying as a result of that is an absolute tragedy.

Don’t fuel the fire, be happy be kind and help people, there’s enough problems in this world.. We don’t need to create any more.

I’ve heard these two phrases a number of times over the bank holiday weekend just passed. I also said it to someone myself. Those words have been ringing in my head for some reason.. And I’m starting to think about why that is so let me take you through my thought process..

I guess you can tell everything from someone’s eyes. You can see happiness, sadness, pain, joy, anger, fear, loneliness…or sometimes nothing at all. My eyes betray a lot of the emotions I’m trying to hide. I think this runs through my family. My ma is a very hard woman who would rarely cry but I know she is very very sad inside.

When I was growing up we would have arguments that I knew were killing her from her eyes, I could see the strain it was causing, but on the outside she acted like she did not give one fuck. Over the weekend I saw that my nana can be like that too.. But what I saw in my nana’s eyes was genuine fear. It broke my heart. But what breaks my heart even more is that she hid that and portrayed to me that she didn’t care and “I can do what I want”. I really really hate when people don’t admit how they actually feel.. If everyone did, the world would be so much clearer for a lot of people.

More than anything else someone’s eyes are a window to their soul, I think people carry what they’ve gone through in their eyes, they tell their own story and they show the true emotion inside the person.

I’ve heard those phrases over the weekend because it was a drug-fuelled couple of days for me and I was on a bit of binge. What I remember from the weekend is complaining that the drugs weren’t hitting me and my mates saying to me your eyes are telling a different story dean.. Because they were obviously in the back of my head, which is a little scary tbh. Then I blacked out and I really only remember tiny bits of the past three days. But enough about all that shiiiit…

Personally..I think it’s amazing that two little shapes in your face can tell a lifetime of stories. There can be so much life in someone’s eyes.. Or they can seem dead and it feels like they’re looking through you. My ma has started to get that look. It’s mostly from drugs and years of going without help for anything.. She’s started to die inside and you can see that in her eyes. Hope and happiness have completely left her body. I never want that to happen to me or anyone else I know… Because to be honest I don’t know if you can ever get that light back in your eyes and that’s a tragedy to me.

I think it’s important to not hide your real emotions and feelings and I know it’s hard but half the time the other person already knows how you really feel so you might as well tell the truth. 😊

I think that’s all from me.. Look after yourselves .. And don’t let the light die.

Well I’m back home in Ireland. I’ve been abroad for awhile and I had the time of my life. The weather was beautiful, I met some amazing and crazy people from all over the world, I saw loads of animals! (That was my favourite part) I saw spectacular views and experienced things that would never happen in Ireland. I was around Asia and Eastern Europe for the most part. I’m so glad I got to get away and I think I learnt a lot.

But unfortunately, my blog is not about my trip.

I was away for about three weeks and towards the last week I kind of lost control of my mind and myself. I made seriously stupid decisions. Unfortunately I got myself into a bad state again. Surprise surprise.. I took drugs and I drank loads. I doubt there was a few hours in that week that I was actually sober.. I got really inside my head and low in myself so I felt like numbing my emotions all the time. I drank excessively and took pills and powder that I really had no idea what the effects could be…I always prove myself to be a fucking idiot.

Anyways, I would have carried on like that no bother until there was no going back but I experienced two things. During the week I got the highest I’ve ever been in my whole life and I decided to take a bath with all of my clothes on. I was staying in this fellas house that I didn’t know very well, I was exhausted and off my head but I still thought I should have a bath. I have no idea why I left my clothes on or anything but long story short I passed out. I was so out of it I didn’t even realise where I was I just had to sleep. Luckily I was found shortly after but it could have been dangerous but what’s even more dangerous to me is why the fuck I even did that.. It’s fucked up and it’s not funny, it’s pretty sad tbh that I let myself be that out of control. The come down was absolutely horrible and right now it feels like it was all a bad dream.

The other thing that was my wake up call was again, on another come down. I was on a walk on my own 2 days after that incident and I was trying to clear my head and body and I just stopped and stared at this huge bridge crossing the river. And those horrible thoughts started racing through my mind.

I wonder what it would be like to jump off that bridge .. I wonder what would happen if I jumped into the river .. It would be so easy to leave this pain behind and the whole thing would be over in a second ..

I seriously sat and thought about it for awhile .. And then I got really scared. I started panicking at the thought I’d never see my little brother again, or I’d never hug my nana again, or see anyone else that I love and I realised my head was in a very very bad place. I had sworn to myself I’d never let myself go back there and have those thoughts again.

I knew I had to go home. I am so mad at myself for getting into that state again but sometimes it is too hard to fight and your mind wins. Your thoughts take over and control all your feelings..theres a trigger, and then a breaking point and I had passed mine.

Since then the way I look at life has changed..I’m all into symbols and metaphors and shit haha so basically..there’s often times in everybody’s life that feel like a crossroads..but there’s an obstacle in the way and this obstacle is what’s stopping you from choosing which path to go down..The obstacle is a bridge. You’re not very happy about this bridge but you need to make a decision. You can use the bridge and get over it and see what’s on the other side..Or you can jump off it and never see what it’s like after the bridge.

I’ve decided to get over it. My reason behind this is, if you’re feeling like I felt, and you think you are a bad person today… Be a better person tomorrow. Keep bettering yourself until you find peace in your mind that yeah, you’re actually a good person and you’re worthwhile in this world. Good people make bad decisions, it doesn’t make you a horrible person for life.

I believe that I try my best to be a good person because (probably unsurprisingly 😐) I’m actually a very emotional person and the greatest feeling in the world to me is making someone happy. Likewise, I feel it very deeply when I upset someone and I care so much about everyone in my life. I’m a hard worker and I’m trying so hard to keep everything in my life balanced and stable..especially my mind. I want to make people proud…not disappointed. I just know deep down that I don’t have a lot of badness in my heart and all I want to do is show everyone else that. So I’m trying to cut out making bad decisions so that I never feel that low in myself again.

Now that I’m back in Ireland I’m trying to find peace and happiness once again. I’m keeping busy by working long hours, but I like it because I don’t have too much time to think about things. When I’m finished work Ill go to bed. And do it all again every day. Its very hard but I think it’s what I need to be doing right now to build myself back up again. If I was doing fuck all I’d go out of my mind and stay depressed. It’s tough that I’m back in this position to be honest…but I’m hopeful that I’ll be okay again soon.

At the end of the day I’m 22 years of age, I’ve made mistakes and I’m learning from them, I still have time to turn my life around and be the good person I wanna be.

So although this blog started off happy and I did have an amazing trip, I probably depressed the life out of you with the rest of the blog so I’m sorry for that. I find it easier to write about low points in my life because it helps me get it off my chest and move on. That’s why if you don’t see any blogs for awhile I’m probably doing okay and don’t need to share anything haha.. I hate being a depresso though..I do try my best to have some positive spins on my blogs..

So there you go… I’m basically just gonna keep my head down and work away, and stick to bettering myself and feeling good about who I am. If I can do that, I WILL be happy. And if YOU stick to that too..I know that you will be happy too! 😊

Thanks for reading, and if you didn’t like it and you’re pissed off I wasted your precious time, well please build a bridge and get over it hahah

So this past month a lot of things have changed for me. For the better. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in the last year and things are finally starting to go my way. Which is ironic because a month ago I wanted so desperately to end it all and leave this world because I never thought I’d be okay again. But something stopped me and I’m still here. I’m okay. I’m great actually and I’ve never been more happy about making a decision to give life one more shot in my life. I would have missed out on all of this.

I got a new job in the beginning of June it was construction work so some of it was new to me but I’ve learnt so much over the past couple of weeks and that makes me feel really good. It’s seasonal work so I’m finishing up the current job next week. I’ve worked really hard so I’ve decided to reward myself by jetting off to Thailand next week 😊 I can’t fucking wait. I’m going with my brother his mate and my best mate. Were going to go island hopping and just basically have an adventure! It’s exactly what I need and I’ve never been this excited for something in a long time.

I’m not saying things are perfect, there is definitely still problems but I’m stronger and a lot happier so I’ve the confidence to get through them. I’ve turned a corner in my life and I think it was fate. That sounds gay but I was in such a dark place last month and I could have finished it all but I didn’t and now I don’t think I will ever be like that again. It gets better, and I’ve gotten better. I’ll always remember that and you should too! If you’re feeling like I was, give it one last shot.. And maybe in a few weeks you will be thanking god you didn’t make the wrong decision.

Well May 17th is coming to an end which means my deadline is here and my journey of 18 days is over. I’ve made my decision and my plans for tomorrow and I’m happy with it. My mind is clear as crystal and all of the stress that’s built up on me the last while has been lifted off my shoulders.

The past 18 days have been extremely eventful and I’m glad that I was super busy and did the things I always wanted to do. I’ve gotten a lot of advice and inspiration from a load of people the past few weeks including my best mates and my family and I can’t explain enough how much every word meant to me. Kindness is never forgotten and I will never forget how much you all did for me.

My mood and thoughts certainly changed numerous times over the last few weeks. Right now though I feel as though I am in a better place than I was on the 1st of May. I have peace of mind for just about everything in my life.

I started blogging nearly a year ago and from reading my past blogs I can see how much I’ve changed myself and how much I’ve stayed the same. With regard to love, well I think that was a game I was always going to lose. It’s the most amazing and dangerous thing in the whole world, and I’m sure the feeling is indescribable when you find the right person but unfortunately that hasn’t happened. With family, I love them like nothing else on this planet and the only girl that has a lasting place in my heart is my nana. My dad is my hero and he is the bravest and strongest man I know. My little bro is going to be a better man than I’ll ever be. I love both of my brothers, equally. My music has been my best friend since the beginning of my life it’s been there at the best of times and the worst of times and it’s definitely pulled me through some painful situations.

I still stand by everything I said in each blog and I’m proud of myself for being able to finally express myself in a way I actually found easy after not being able to do it for so many years. I’m so glad I started blogging because it’s a great outlet to get your thoughts off your chest when there’s no one else to turn to and even better when people relate.

This will be my last ‘thought’ for a while. I’m going away and I won’t be blogging, thanks for reading this and if you read my other ones thank you again. Hopefully some helped or made you laugh or even made you feel like you weren’t alone because you felt the same as me, if any of those things happened I’d be seriously delighted.

Better stop rambling, Happy May 18th everyone. Have a fantastic summer and be safe and be happy 😊

I’ve thought about this a lot the last while. When I was younger and I’d hear of murder victims families forgiving the attacker and praying for them I used to be so confused. Why the hell would you pray for someone like that and more importantly HOW could you forgive someone that hurt you that much? But now I think I finally understand. I’m not saying I’d ever forgive someone for murder, not a hope in hell, but I do understand the sentiment and I agree with it. I think you need to forgive to move on, or at least try. The bible says that we should forgive each other because none of us are without sin, and if we want to be forgiven by God we must forgive others. I’m not overly holy but I do agree with that. I believe it is the first step to being happy again, and completely moving on.

It’s an extremely hard thing to do but I think it tells a lot about someone’s heart if they are willing to forgive someone that’s hurt them. I’m not saying that you should forgive AND forget or that they deserve a 2nd, 3rd, or 100th chance and you should not forgive them every time and let them walk all over you, but forgive them for what they have done and move on. There’s many reasons why forgiveness is the answer and here’s my few, if someone has done something terrible to you they did it for a reason, they obviously don’t care for you and now at least you know. They have to live with what they did and that’s their problem not yours. They made the choice to hurt you and if that’s the kind of person they are and continue to be then holding a grudge won’t do anything except hold you back. Forgive them because they clearly have way more issues than you’ll ever have.

Whether it’s happened recently or ten years ago the pain can remain the same. In order for your own peace of mind, and a happy heart, you need to tell them that you forgive them. You may not mean it 100% and maybe you never will but it’s a step in the right direction. If you accept what they did and try get your head around it and basically say well I’ll never let that happen again but they did do that for a reason and I’ll forgive them because I am above what happened then you are on the way to moving past it. You don’t want to be held back in any part of your life because of what someone’s done to you, learn from it and try your very best move on. It’s a test of how strong your character is so show them how strong you are, and you’ll never be hurt like that again.

To be honest as I write this I have to admit I’m currently struggling myself with this concept but I’m trying my best. Things have happened in my family that I don’t think can ever be forgiven..no matter how hard I try. They’ve affected me in a really negative way and it’s too hard to forgive because if none of it ever happened my life would be so different and the fact that it could have been avoided hurts me the most. So I do know that it can be impossible to let SOME things go in case you’re reading this thinking this is bullshit. I forgive in relationships because I crave love. I’ve forgiven someone who hurt me really bad because by doing what she did I realised she wasn’t the right girl for me and I didn’t want to bring any of that extra baggage into my new relationship. I can now move on and be happy in love 😊❤️ Now my heart can be filled completely by her and not broken by people that have hurt me and that’s all anyone wants.

So finally, I do believe that forgiveness is the key to happiness but do not let people take advantage of you and abuse your kindness. God says it is the right thing to do and I agree. Yes, I do think that some things are unforgivable and I’m sure you’d agree from even just watching the news, but you know yourself what is and what’s not. Believe me, you will feel a weight off your shoulders when you realise that you need to let that grudge go and take the first step..it may take awhile for it to come full circle but by then you will have moved on and are hopefully much happier. There also might come a time in your life when you find yourself begging for someone’s forgiveness (you never know) and I’m sure you’ll be wishing they were as kind as you. Everybody makes mistakes!

The title of this blog is an absolute piss take because as you all know good ole Zayn has left One Direction and I’m sorta/kinda in a band, which is a brand new thing for me so I thought the title was a good fit hahaha

Anyways, I’m not sure if we can be called a band yet and my 14 year old knacker/spicer self would absolutely rip it out of me for even thinking of being in a band, but how and ever it might be on the cards for me. 14 year old Dean was an idiot anyway and I like to think I’ve grown a few more brain cells since my mullet styling and diamond earring wearing days (please god).

This all came about when I was watching the film Whiplash during the week and I got serious cravings to get back playing the drums. I used to play now and again when I was 18,19 and sort of let it die, I never lost interest I just focused on other things like drink drugs and girls (good one Dean). Now that I’m staying away from all of those things I think its a good time to get back playing. So I rang an old mate up who was shocked enough to hear from me but nevertheless wanted to catch up which was happy days. This chap is a massive music head and he plays a bit of every instrument but he’s mainly all about the guitar. He has a drum kit set up in his gaff so he gave me a shot of that and to be honest I was fairly rusty. I’ve been practicing during the week though and the rhythm is slowly coming back to me 🙂 It’s a great laugh and its good to take my mind off things. Jamie (the music head) has a few mates that are the same as him and he jams with them all the time so who knows a band could form haha definitely won’t be called new direction though, but it is a new direction for me at least. Obviously were not taking it seriously like half of us have full time jobs its just good craic and they’re a great group of lads that I haven’t talked to in ages so its nice catching up on the last few years.

So that’s it, my life has definitely changed in the last while, I’ve stayed off the drink & drugs despite there being two of my mates birthdays this week, I’ve gone to the gym and a few walks and even done some reading. I much prefer writing to reading but I’ll try my best to keep it up, I’ve gone to all of my counselling sessions and most importantly.. I’m happy 🙂 My head is healthy and clear and at the moment I’m just having a good laugh with a new mix of people. So maybe my 14 year old self wouldn’t be too embarrassed of me after all …