Okay, I finally figured out what I wanted to say about Sister Wives.

Yes, I know that this show is completely five minutes ago, but I’m talking about it anyway.

I am a jealous beast. I don’t remember being so damned envious as a kid – it’s not until Scott entered the scene when I was around 17 or so that I really realized just how viciously jealous I could be. Before that, I was kind of cool with other people having it better than me. Sure…I’d be jealous of the Soccer Girl’s legs, or wish I had smaller teeth, but I never begrudged anyone else those things.

Even after that I was generally cool with other people having it better than me, as long as they weren’t trying to have it better than me with my man. But holy fuck, the burning hatred with which I would watch Scott’s first girlfriend walk across our high school campus, I knew it was totally unfounded and out of control. But it didn’t stop me from loathing her with every fiber of my being. I don’t think she and I ever even uttered a word to each other in four years of high school, but I would have danced at her funeral. {Exaggerating. I’m not an actual sociopath.)

The stronger my relationship with Scott has gotten, the easier it became for me to tame that beast. I eventually stopped frothing at the mouth whenever someone would look in Scott’s direction (or chasing them out of the restaurant he worked at…whatevs) and I became a mostly normal human again.

But then the postpartum mind spiral began. And it was that nasty jealous beast who took over. But now it wasn’t about Scott. {I guess I figured I had him all cinched up with the marriage and kid…sucker} Now it was about, oh…pretty much EVERYTHING ELSE. And it was horrible. Jealousy feels horrible. And I spent so much time hunched over under the weight of it – seething, hating, projecting, letting the beast whisper things in my ear, jealousy eventually giving way to delusional projections of how grand of a time everyone who loved me was having laughing at what a disgusting waste of life I had become.

I know, I know…how in the bloody fuck does this tie in to Sister Wives? It was an episode where Kody (the Husband) took his first wife Meri out to dinner for their twentieth wedding anniversary. And at this point in the series, we’ve gotten to know the family a bit, and while Kody pretty much comes off as a total douchenozzle, a few of the wives are actually kind of cool people. Christine is really funny – she’s the third wife, but she doesn’t play into this story. None of the wives are willing to take shit from Cody, or anyone else. They’re kind of shockingly assertive women. Meri especially speaks her mind. She comes from a Polygamist family and sixteen years into being a three-wive household, it was Meri upon meeting 30-year-old Robin, who suggested to her mid-life-crisis-having husband that he start ‘courting’ a fourth. Oh and also? Meri struggles with infertility, while the other wives have 6-8 children with Kody a piece.

So anyway – Meri and Ko-Ko are out to dinner and she’s pissed at him – like, talking about leaving…or rather, why she isn’t leaving – and she makes this comment that she wants to work through the jealousy, and rise above it, and…now, don’t get me wrong, because I’m not saying I’m about to move to Utah and start tracking down additional wives for Scott, but all of a sudden, I just didn’t want to laugh at her any more. I kind of suddenly got how Meri, having grown up in this world, this being her religion in which she believes deeply – no matter how much I personally disagree with it – I just felt like, the tenet of their religion which encourages polygamy? Meri basically is saying she holds to that because she wants to rise above jealousy, and I thought that there was something kind of noble about that.

So I stopped wanting to mock Sister Wives. I talked to Robin a little bit on twitter. I asked her questions, and she answered earnestly. And when the season ended, I actually found that I had taken something away from the show – I had learned a thing or two from these Sister Wives, who I will be brutally honest and admit that I expected to be a bunch of brainwashed hicks following their husband around like David Koresh. They’re not. So while I don’t get wanting to share your husband with another woman for ANY reason, I do get wanting to live a life where I can rise above jealousy, y’know?

{Seriously Scott, don’t even think about it – we’re NOT getting another wife.}

Is this your first time? Look, I know we just met, but I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful thing. You can subscribe to my RSS feed, follow me on Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, or even Facebook. But whatever. I'm breezy