Sunday, April 27, 2014

Remember when we were teenagers and we wanted so badly for things to change while simultaneously wishing they would always stay the same?

Yeah.

I don't think you ever grow out of that.

Sometimes, while remembering, I ache for what never was.

Sometimes, I weep for the things that were.

And sometimes those moments of nostalgia plant a bitter seed.

And today, in a single moment, I was completely overwhelmed by bitterness at the life I don't have.

While knowing in my heart that I have the most amazing life anyone could ever ask for.

But that's how bitterness is, isn't it?

Sometimes it climbs up on your shoulder and whispers in your ear just loud enough to distract you from the beautiful display in front of your eyes.

And somehow, in a single moment of exquisite beauty today, I found something to be bitter about.

Why does everything have to change?

Why will my children never know the life I grew up with?

Why?

Why?

Why?

And then I heard something else.

BecauseBecause life is grand and glorious and you are on a bigger adventure now.
But why has someone else replaced me?

Why can't you see, Someone Else has replaced THEM?
But why can't I have what I've always dreamed of?Because, your dreams are small. Mine are not. I will give you new dreams.My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. Remember? I promised you a hope and a future....

And just like that, the bitter seed rolled out of my ear, down my shoulder, and into the dirt where it belonged.