Sunday, August 31, 2008

My dad found this profile I wrote about my mom. I remember I wrote it up in church. I was probably in high school (10 years ago!). I can't remember what it was for but some of the things I wrote made me laugh:

Morena Molly Valdez Robbins

Born: October 31, 1956

Baptized: 1969?

Age: 16-18

Liked: Church Dances

Went to: Clearfield and Irvine High School

Dated: Dee Robbins, David Robbins, Craig Pett

Hung out with: Lee Hardy, Murdock, Auntie Foo, Denise, Charmaine

Married: Darrell Robbins

Date: April 1981?

Kids: Kristin Julia at age 26, Jaron Douglas at age 27, Scott Michael at age 29, Brooke Ella at age 31, Carly Dawn at age 37

Vacations: Cali to see "Handsome Grandpa George" and Grandma Della and play in the river, Yellowstone where it rained, Cali & Mexico w/Uncle Hernan to see Tia Hilda, Arizona when Princess Di was killed

Favorite Things: Eat carrots and make other people eat carrots, Feed the missionaries, Running, Sing when nobody wants her to

Mom's Goals: Make sure we get to do all the stuff we want to because she never did

Saturday, August 30, 2008

My cousin, Becca, was preparing a lesson for the young women in her ward about an article by John Bytheway called "5 Scriptures That Will Help You Get Through Almost Anything", and she made me a copy. I read it through and loved so many things that were written. Here are a few of my favorite parts:

"Early in the Book of Mormon, an angel asks Nephi a tough question, “Knowest thou the condescension of God?” Nephi answers, “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things” (1 Nephi 11:16–17). Nephi’s answer is a perfect statement for us to remember in times of trial. We don’t know the meaning of all things. We don’t have all the answers to explain all the tragedies in the world and in our own neighborhoods. However, we know, we are sure, that God loves His children. "

"Sometimes our trials are a direct result of someone using their agency to do evil. Often when tragedy strikes, someone will say, “Well, it must have been God’s will.” What exactly is “God’s will”? It seems to me that God’s will is that we choose righteousness over wickedness! However, He also desires that we have a choice in the matter."

"Sometimes people need to look to someone else who relied on Christ’s Atonement and was able to make it through a terrible tragedy...The best way to prepare for death is to live life at its fullest. I believe the Lord will hold us accountable for what we did with our lives whether we have trials or not, whether we marry or not, and whether our life is easy or not."

"And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people” (Alma 7:11–12)...This scripture teaches us that Jesus not only suffered for the things we do that are wrong, but He also suffered for the things which happen to us—things over which we have no control."

"Yea, verily I say unto you, in that day when the Lord shall come, he shall reveal all things—Things which have passed, and hidden things which no man knew, things of the earth, by which it was made, and the purpose and the end thereof” (D&C 101:32–33)....Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full (D&C 101:34–36)."

I love this stuff because I sooooo need it right now. It is so hard to deal with the image of our home barracaded off by crime scene tape, and seeing pictures in the newspaper of police rolling a body bag out the front door on a stretcher. It runs through my mind every minute of every day and my heart breaks over and over again. This is my home, my family and my mother! She was too good for her life on earth to end this way. I feel like it is so unfair and I have to constantly remind myself of these teachings.

It helps me so much to know that my Heavenly Father loves us so much. He knows what we are feeling and in time, He will reveal to us the purpose of all this. Right now we are required only to love. Love our Heavenly Father, love our family, friends and neighbors, love the scriptures and He will handle everything else. When I think of this, my feelings of grief are replaced by anticipation. I cannot wait for the day when we will all be together again.

Oh, my mother! I miss you so much! I want to hold your hand so bad! But I know that you are happy with Heavenly Father. The world where you are is so much more beautiful than even this one, where you have no troubles, care or sorrow, and you deserve that. I love you!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

I have found myself starting to struggle a little with the thought that my mom won't be around anymore. She won't be around for holidays or be in pictures when Scott, Brooke and Carly get married. Maybe we can make a cardboard cut-out like she did at Jaron's reception when Scott was on his mission. :) I'm wondering how she dealt with her mom being gone when we were born. I want so bad for my children to meet her. She used to tell me that she was going babysit my kids and when they started to get cranky she was going to tell them, "Okay, Go see your Grandma Janet now."

I stopped at her grave today just to hang out and whine about my feelings. I was telling her that I was finally starting to be upset that she was gone. I know it is part of some plan that Heavenly Father has and for whatever reason this was supposed to happen and we're not supposed to understand why; we're just supposed to deal with it. That's the whole reason we're on this earth. My mom did everything she was supposed to and Heavenly Father said, "Okay, Come home."

Anyway, I was struggling with feelings of peace and at the same time with anger about the whole situation. If she just had some kind of accident, it would be different. It would be ALOT easier. But my family is strong. I guess that is why this happened this way. Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can handle. We may not think we can handle it, but He knows us better than anyone, even ourselves.

When we closed the casket before the funeral, all of us kids put a note in our mother's hands. All the girls forgot to prepare something (surprise, surprise), so we wrote a note on the back of the boys'. On mine, one of the things I asked was for her to be with me. Just be with me while I try to be there for my family. Today, I finished my whine-fest with my mother and got back in my car. I was listening to Leona Lewis on the way in and when I turned my car back on, the stereo played the words, "I'll be with you forever, to get you through the day and make everything Okay."

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Wednesday morning we attended a mass at St. Joseph's Church in Ogden set up by my mom's brothers. Nearly all members of her family who have died have had services there, including our Great Grandma Sofia, who my mom would take us up to see every sunday when we were little and our Great Aunt Tony, who was like a grandmother to us since our own grandmother passed away when my mom was about 24 years old and before any of us kids were even a thought. The service was so wonderful.

Father Ken had spent some time with our Uncle Hernan speaking about my mom and the kind of person she was. When he spoke it was like he knew her. I know that he changed the format a little because we have been to several other Catholic funerals before. Our mother was kind of the rebel in the family, being the only one to convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints when she was growing up. Father Ken was absolutely respectful of that fact, explaining that our faiths are different but we are all Christians and we all have the same Heavenly Father. He knew that she strived to help us develop our talents and asked us to demonstrate by having us sing a song in front of the congregation. We sang "Families Can Be Together Forever". We were very comforted by his words and want to thank him for the beautiful job he did. Thank you Father Ken.

Thursday night we held a viewing at Valley View Memorial Home in West Valley. The viewing was supposed to start at 7:00 pm and go until 9:00 pm, but a few people started coming early while we were setting things up. At 7:00 the building started to get crowded. There was a line all the way from the room we were in, down the hall and out the front doors. We met the last visitor at about 10:00 pm. It is a blessing to know all the lives our mother touched and meet all the people she influenced. We had no idea.

Friday were the funeral services at our ward meeting house in Magna. It started with our wonderful Grandma Dixie sharing her talented voice by singing "The Lord's Prayer". She is a very talented opera singer. Next, Steve Mellen, a member of her ward and long-time family friend, spoke about our mother being in a paradise, waiting until we can see her again. Our Uncle Dee Robbins, spoke next. He explained the influence she had on the world around her and described her as being either a "gentle breeze" or at times a "raging storm". Everyone got a kick out of that because everyone who knows her knows it is exactly true! You don't mess with my momma! Our Uncle David Robbins played a beautiful medly on the organ before my brother, Jaron, spoke.

Jaron first explained his haircut. He had gone and had it cut into a mohawk the day before her passing and was planning on taunting her with it when he saw her on Sunday. We were supposed to have dinner at her house for his birthday. Jaron talked about some of our memories with her. At his soccer games she would yell, "Go, Green, go!" until some one asked her, "What do you have against the latino's on the team?" It was then realized that most of the team wasn't understanding that she was shouting for their colored jerseys, but cheering, "Go, gringo!" She would go to Scott's Jiu Jitsu tournaments and try to intimidate his opponents with, "Don't hurt my baby!" She would always be at our dance and cheer performances early so she could find a spot near a power outlet. Our video camera had a crappy battery so she had to stay plugged into the wall to record our performances. We left the church to take her to her resting place. Scott played the guitar and sang the only song he knew, "Back Here" by BB Mac, just so she could see one of her kids perform. Scotty said the prayer to dedicate the grave. We waited there until it was OK to say goodbye and called to grounds crew to lower the casket.

Where do I begin when I have so many memories of a woman who was, and is, a mother to me. Jaron, Blake, and I needed all the help we could get growing up and we were blessed with 3 mothers. Molly was one of those mothers who interviewed and interrogated us every chance she could get. Molly was the assistant when I got my wisdom teeth out and she even tried to get the inside scoop when I was drugged from the anesthesia, all while Jaron was yelling "fight it Bey! Don't give in!" Over the past week I have reflected on the many memories I have of Molly, and I will forever cherish the memories I shared with her and her family. She coached Jaron, Kristin and I when we were 7 years old. I have endless memories of driving around the western United States, going to different soccer games or tournaments.

It started when we were 7 and lasted till we were about 17, and went through 3 different vehicles. First there was the blue station wagon with kids, soccer bags, and balls piled in the back. Then there was the Chevy pickup, once again with all us kids in the back shell. And finally there was the Astro van. We traveled all over Utah, Arizona, and spent many Thanksgivings in Las Vegas for the "Turkey Shoot Tournament". I was not away from my family for Thanksgiving, but was just with my other family. Molly treated me as one of her kids, and watched out for me and loved me as such. One time when we were in Sacramento she even fended off her dad who was going to knock down the bathroom door with a sledgehammer because it was locked. Little did I know he did not allow locked doors in his home due to events from the Vietnam War, but molly was there to save me. James Taylor is one of my favorite artists and Molly is specifically responsible for that. I think molly only had James Taylor tapes, and that was all we listened to on our many road trips. I cannot hear a James Taylor song and not think of Molly and hear her sing along. With Love, Curtis

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Hi FAMILY, I hope you can remember that twinkle in your mothers eyes. That faith and hope she had in all things. How proud she was with all of you! I'm so proud to have her as a friend and in her words part of her family. We will always love her. And I know she will always be watching and sharing in your joy. Keep your faith in the lord and you will be blessed for this trial. We thank the Lord for Molly and giving us you. LOVE, JIM SELLERS

Thank you to all of our friends and family for sharing your memories with us. We are so blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people. It was very difficult to have to explain to my brothers and sister what I meant when I called them to tell them our mother was "gone". I knew they needed to know but I absolutely did not want to tell them. Initially, the hurt was so strong as I'm sure so many of you felt when you learned of the events that took her life. However, our faith, knowledge and understanding of our Heavenly Father's plan has brought peace and comfort to all of us.

Saturday night our sister, Carly, asked our brother for a blessing. Jaron gave hers, Scott blessed Brooke and Brandon blessed me. I remember feeling so calm during my sisters' blessings but I could do nothing but cry while Brandon was speaking. I have the most wonderful husband! I don't remember all the details of each of the blessings as they were specifically guided by the Spirit to address each of our personal needs, but the one thing that I remember during each prayer was the statement, "You're mother is happy."

Monday, after we had made all of her funeral arrangements, we were able to see her. She looked absolutely peaceful and even seemed to be smiling. I entered the room where she was and walked toward my sweet mother and couldn't help but smile as memories of her sassy attitude and captivating personality flooded into my mind. There is absolutely no way she would ever want to see her children crying for any reason, and I couldn't. We hovered around her fixing her hair and staring at her face and talking about funny things she would probably be saying to us.

When we finally pulled ourselves away, we all felt so calm and so much peace. We were able to spend the rest of the night talking and laughing like we would do at regular family gatherings. We can still feel her around us because our home still feels like home. She will be missed but there is no way she will ever really be gone. She never liked to let us out of her sight and I guarantee she never will.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Thanks for sharing your mom with us. I guess she was like a mom to us. Did a lot of firsts with us……First taught Dave how to drive when he was 15 in the church parking lot, first taught me how to be a new mother, was there when I got my first…and last speeding ticket…driving 20 yards from one casino to the next in Wendover when I kidnapped Molly to go gambling with me one night. I wasted 20 dollars and your mother spent nothing! She had all self control. Kristin, I have a strong feeling that she will insist on Heavenly Father letting her peek down when you have all your firsts….still yet to come. We know wild horses could not keep her Spirit away from her “precious” children. Love, Tricia

When my mom and I and Carly and Scott went to California for our cousin Jeremy's missionary farewell, we went to Fisherman's Wharf while we were there. My mom was so excited to show us everything and try the food. She had to have a bread bowl with clam chowder. There was a band playing in the middle of the shopping center and when she hears music she has to move her feet. We kept telling her how embarrassing she was and she would just laugh and tell us that's what she was here for.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

As one of Molly's 'kids' I can't say how many times she called me, 'my little precious' and I loved each time. She knew how to make people feel so welcome and loved, I was part of the family the first date I went on with Jaron. What a fantastic woman and a tenacious spirit! She loved every single person she'd ever met and everyone loved her, she is and will continue to be missed.

My mother has a "Scripture-A-Day" calendar next to her computer at home. The scripture on August 8, 2008 was 3 Nephi 12:16:

Therefore let your light so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

She taught us to always be kind, helpful, and respectful. Our mother made every effort and took every opportunity to demonstrate these qualities in her life. I know that her light stretches far beyond what any of us can see.

Thoughts From Friends and Family

Whenever we went on a long trip my mom would play James Taylor and sing along as she drove. You can't help but think of her when you hear his voice.

Some of these songs have nothing to do with the situation, but they have phrases that we've had experiences with and make us think of our Mom, or they help remind us that we can get through this hard time.

Families Are Forever

Beloved Mother, Sister, Aunt, Daughter

Our mother was born October 31, 1956 and returned to live with our Heavenly Father on August 8, 2008. She was a wonderful woman who loved her children and loved her friends and family. She was an elementary school teacher at Gearld Wright Elementary and adored the children in her classes. She spent her time in the service of her family and we will rejoice when we will be together again. Families are forever.