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With Each New Turn

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Today has kinda been a different day for me. I think through things a lot, I think back about things often, and to "remember" the past, is a part of my everyday life. Today however, I feel more nostalgic than usual. It's a quiet Saturday afternoon, pretty cloudy and cool here in Nashville. Everyone still isn't back in town and most people I usually spend my time with are busy. I decided to pack my stuff up, get away, and here I am- I find myself with my bible, my favorite cup of coffee, my planner, and my computer. I don't mind these kinds of afternoons, in fact I love these quiet moments.

I know I mention a lot in my writing about what's next and I continually talk about God's faithfulness. Today I find myself thinking a little differently than I usually do about what's ahead.

Thinking back over the past 5 years, I can honestly not even grasp how fast it has gone by. I never knew what God had in store for me, but as I have said many times, I am so blessed. I never realized how good I had it, each year of college just kept getting better. With adventures that have come and gone, and chapters in my life that have closed, I have worked through letting go of those things and have embraced the new things in my life. Change is never easy, and yet it seems to be the only constant thing. By no means is my life close to being over as I'm sure that's what it sounds like, but I am getting closer to shutting the "college"chapter of my life and begin a new chapter where I will finally stand on my own two feet.

It is exciting, scary, sad, challenging, and unknown all at the same time.

I am amazed at the way God slowly brings each piece of the puzzle together.

I think what suprises me the most, that I could write about over and over, is just how good God has been to me along the way. I never knew He would have blessed me as much as He has, that He would truly give me the desires of my heart. This does not mean He is finished, as He is preparing even now, for the things that are ahead of me. I think this is where it is hard for me.

In my humanness, I want answers, control, and the assurance to know that everything is going to be okay. I can't and won't have that. Saying it is one thing, accepting it is another.

I found myself at a loss for words today, so I got in my car and on my way to a quiet place, I played a song that my friend Jessica wrote. I have listened to this over and over and often times think she wrote the song just for me. The lyrics go something like this:

"When God speaks, is it small and soft and sweet? When God speaks, do you tremble at His feet? Well this I know He'll never lead you down a path alone, looking back you'll see that you were carried all along, so don't fight the mystery of His perfect plan, When God Speaks."

I found myself sobbing in the car, singing a long and truly thinking about the line....

"Looking back you'll see that you were carried all along..."

That sums up everything I think, but couldn't put into words.

Every mistake, every wrong turn, every heartache, every confusing moment, every tear that I've cried, each new page, each exciting moment, every victory...all of it, I've been carried the entire time.

That's humbling, comforting, and that's the assurance that I need.

So for the moments where in my humanness I feel like I'm ready to choke thinking about what's ahead, the uncertainty, the change, the things I will let go of, the new things I will embrace, and the timing of it all, that's what I will remember and choose to focus on.

This verse was highlighted and dates in my bible in 2005 during a Hurricane we were experiencing at home.

I began to go through my Bible today and I ran across this verse:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

Psalm 32:8

I felt like I couldn't rest today until I got all of this out. I cannot thank God enough for His faithfulness to me and for everything He has blessed me with each step of the way. When I start to doubt, when I begin to struggle with control, I pray that I will hold close His promises and remember what He has done for me in the past. I am thankful that even though everything around me may be changing, that God never changes.

So with each new turn, I pray that I will follow God's leading and direction and may I give all the glory to His name.

When everything around you is changing, and you aren't sure what's ahead, where and who is your trust in? Do you have peace even in the midst of uncertainty?

Thank you so much! I truly needed to hear pretty much every word you wrote. I am like you in that I look back and I analyze a great deal. Yet I find peace in that. It helps me understand just a little bit better. I too am in awe how what HE has done in and through me and that HE will CONTINUE to work in me, Praise HIS HOLY NAME. HE is GOD and I am NOT. I love you Bethany :)Pamela

another great blog.... I am trusting in His promise that He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us.... to give us a hope and a future. As I read this, I was reminded of the Brooklyn Tabs amazing song. He's Been Faithful. So glad He never changes even when everything else does.