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Tuesday, November 18, 2003

thank god for sweet valley high

See, this is why I have to go to Cancun this vacation. What did I do all day? Basically sit around and file wedding photos. And walk the dog. And go to the supermarket. I'm a hausfrau! Help me! I even tried to go to the dentist today to fix my fallen-out-filling, but I think he's in his Long Island office today.

At least the Sweet Valley Memories keep on coming. They were my sole source of entertainment today. This, from Jerri (thanks, Jerri!):

Do you remember the time Elizabeth was kidnapped by that psycho guy who wanted to steal her away to some secluded house in the woods and marry her, but before that she was just tied up on his couch for a few weeks, and he wouldn't even leave her alone when she had to pee?

Oh yeah, good one! Elizabeth was working as a candy striper at the hospital. So first of all, how TYPICAL that Elizabeth would be a candy striper? Also, what is a candy striper? We don't have them at our hospital. But anyway, she's this volunteer, and this orderly, "Frank" or something, is crazy. That is to say, crazy in LOVE with Elizabeth. So he puts choloroform on a rag and abducts Elizabeth in the parking lot as she's getting into her car! And takes her to his crazy-man Unabomber shack in the woods! She's all tied up and everything! And no one knows where Elizabeth is, until Jessica comes to the hospital and Frank sees her, and is all like, "Jigga-wha? Didn't I leave you tied up in my shack?" Because he didn't KNOW Elizabeth had an identical twin! Oh snap! And then Jessica tells the police and Elizabeth, she is saved! Indeed, that book was awesome. Jerri continues:

And to use pee as a delightful segue into a Sweet Valley Twins book...do you remember the one when the twins had a sleepover, but Lila didn't want to come, and it was because she wets the bed whenever she's not sleeping at home?

And then there was that one when the twins went to a carnival and wished that they were big, and the next morning they woke up and were 25 years old, and all Jessica could say was "look, I have boobs!"

I have to admit, I missed those since I didn't read quite as many "Sweet Valley Twins" as "Sweet Valley High" (because I was so mature), but those sound good. Wasn't there another one where Lila's dad might lose his fortune (they were nouveau riche), and Lila totally lies and says that the reason they don't have a chauffer anymore is because the chauffer got beri beri? (That's cardiomyopathy and Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome caused by thiamine deficiency, Lila, just so you know.)

And another, from my sister:

let's not forget the one where olivia has to choose between being an artist and "practical" (because they are mutually exclusive you know), and by a powerful sense of fate, even though she's cut all of her hair off, she decides to be an artist. (because elizabeth as so sad to see her painting fruit instead of blobs.)

What my sister fails to mention, however, is how Olivia has such a "funky" fashion sense. Like the time she put her hair up into a ponytail and stuck it through the hole of an old Elvis LP! Oh, and artist and a wild dresser, she is indeed the Claudia Kishi of Sweet Valley High.