Monday, February 20, 2012

As we all know, February is Black History Month. You know, I've never celebrated it on this here casually racist blog. Well, that ends today. On this Monday, we will celebrate the achievements of the black athlete. So with that said, hide yo kids, hide yo wife because The Money Shot does Black History Month starting...now.

Antonio Cromartie - Who could forget his wonderful segment on Hard Knocks where he couldn't remember the names of his kids? That was some terrific parenting right there. Next up: a short story from G$!

Now I’m not 100% confident about the small details of this story but the end result is definitely true. So back in the late 80’s, my dad was at a Cavs game at the old Richfield Coliseum. This is probably in the first few years that Ron Harper was on the team. Considering where Harp went to school, this was a big deal. So after a game, dad was hanging around the tunnel which is where his seats were (maybe he was wearing something Miami to draw the attention of the Ohio Flyer, again, not sure) and #4 came over. Dad handed him the Cavs hat that he was wearing and asked him to sign it. Harper agrees.
Ron: Who can I make it out to?
Dad: Just make it out to (GMoney’s Dad—for unnecessary privacy purposes, let’s call him “Andy”)…you can put it on the bill.

The future five time NBA champ finishes the autograph and hands the signed cap back. What did Ron Harper write for “Andy”? “To Bill—Ron Harper”. Read my dad’s quote one more time and then re-read this. I swear this is true. That hat is still around the house somewhere. They didn’t pay Harper to think. Like I said, I may have some of the specifics wrong, but the “To Bill” part is fact.

Chris Webber - Even with his coaches telling them that they had no timeouts left, Webber's high IQ gave no fucks.

Lovie Smith - I'm just going to assume that he still has not won a challenge ever.

Knowshon Moreno - In case you didn't hear about this, a few weeks ago the horrible Denver running back got a DUI while driving this car with that license plate. Remember kids, Knowshon-ing is half the battle.

Daryl Strawberry/Doc Gooden - You've got to love a couple of deadbeats that had all the talent in the world but decided that crack and cocaine were better options. It seems like the violate their probation every day still.

T.O. - This is very underrated in my mind. Owens couldn't even kill himself right and his publicist was about as LOL as it gets with her 25 million reasons bullshit.

Ron Artest/Jermaine O'Neal/Stephen Jackson - I was watching The Malice at The Palace live at the time. I will never forget it. It was incredible. Big black dudes running into the stands to fight white trash Detroit residents? Yes please!

Mo Clarett - I don't know for sure if Maurice would have made anything of himself in the pros, but I do know that chugging Grey Goose in the weight room and getting involved in high speed chases with an insane amount of fire power riding shotgun isn't very wise. Hey, speaking of Buckeyes, how about a guest story from Hellraiser:

So my Junior year I had the privilege of taking a class with Santonio Holmes. It was the first day of class for the quarter so it was basically syllabus day, however the professor decided to actually teach this day. I remember Santonio showed up 20 minutes late. Since the classroom was basically filled at this point, there was only one empty seat, which was right next to me in the back.

The professor keeps teaching, but Santonio is busy texting and listening to his iPod to pay attention. So every 3-5 minutes, Santonio elbows me to ask what the professor said/copy my notes. This goes on for a while until the professor eventually gets to the subject of 401k accounts and retirement plans. At this point Santonio elbows me and says directly to me:

"401k? Man, I don't give a fuck about no 401k."

He doesn't really whisper this either and some 3 or 4 rows of people turn around and look at us. He then looks at me for some type of response to his "question". I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of "Yeah, man, this class sucks". He then packs up and leaves, and never shows up to the class again (I think he got drafted shortly thereafter anyway)

Mike Tyson - Yeah, pretty much everything about him. Although his appearance at the end of The Hangover 2 saved that garbage horseshit sequel.

Plaxico and Mike Vick - Again, you already know about them. I'm happy to announce that Dr. Martin Luther King died for them. Think about that. And finally, a player that I like to think embodies the spirit of The Reverend Jesse Jackson.

March 16, 2003, Gund Arena, Cleveland, OH…Tyree Ricardo Davis is 6 seconds from immortality. He needs one more rebound to achieve all of his hopes and dreams. One more rebound to get an elusive triple-double. One more rebound to make a meaningless Utah Jazz and Cleveland Cavaliers game historic. But the clock is ticking. And he has the ball. What does he do?

"They should be mad," Davis said. "Any team that gets beat that bad shouldn't be happy. But I wouldn't do it again. I just wouldn't. I'd probably be mad, too, losing by 20." Ricky gives no fucks. Dude, look at Jerry Sloan's face! That shit is priceless. He can't believe what the fuck Ricky just did!

There. Our tribute to Black History Month has now come to a close. Please share with everyone any other classic moment that I may have forgotten. Bow Down.

Noted Georgia Tech and Tampa Bay Quarterback Joe Hamilton was hired by Tech to run the local recruiting for Paul Johnson. It's his first coaching gig and he needs to make a good impression in order to climb his way up the ranks. He responds by celebrating, the day after he is namesd coordinator. He gets a DUI, Open Container, Hit and Run and possession charge. Quality Human.

Coach Carter- for getting beat by my high school team in playoffs and requesting that we forfeit the game because our crowd was racist. We had a couple black guys on our team so I'm fairly certain that our "racist" crowd would affect them as well. He's th big winner in the end though, he coached a Slam Ball team.

Stop trying to paint Shane as a villain when he is clearly the only person (and Daryl) that is thinking rationally and getting shit done. Shane is the hero. Hershel and Rick and Lori and Dale are the villains. Their lolly-gagging and passivity is going to get everyone killed.

--Everybody

Lori. Goddamn her. She is the fucking worst. There is no way that she, after flipping her car and getting a concussion, was able to kill two zombies. NO WAY. DO you think that Colt McCoy, after taking the Harrison hit, was capable of cheating death TWICE? I don't think so.

And what is her big problem with Shane killing Otis anyway? Guess what, whore? If he didn't do that, he dies, and your precious little Deputy Dipshit is dead as well. If anything, you should be swallowing his seed for killing Otis.

Please take that stupid hate off of Carl. I LOL'ed when Shane announced that Lori was preggers and Deputy was all like "MAAWWWW, you're pregnant? WHY DIDNA YOU TELL ME!" Hilarious.

This was a terrible episode. After the good finale and decent premiere, it felt good to be back in familiar territory again.

I saw that headline, Ide. It ran for about 30 minutes before getting yanked. The dude that put it up there got fired and the ESPN anchor that said it on air was suspended 30 days. If Ron Burgandy taught us anything is that we NEVER read everything that is on the prompter.

Herschel attempting a make shift amputation on a guy who just got done going full blown firing squad on them was so fucking stupid. You tried shooting me in the face. Enjoy being a zombie buffet, asshole. No way in hell I save that fucker.

Dale and his nostrils need to go. I can't take that guy anymore. And will the two white trashers have gross hillbilly sex already and get it over with? I saw her eyeing him like he was a bottle of Southern Comfort.

Here's one thing that really bothered me about the last two episodes. After being sober for how many years, Hersh sure was able to handle his booze well. He kept crushing shot after shot, was never visably hammered and sobered up real fuckin quick like. I'm sorry but a man his age with zero tolerance for alcohol passes out and pisses himself in real life.

I actually really liked last nights episode. Taking that kid was retarded, but it looks like from the preview that it sets up Rick vs Shane, so I'll allow it. It would be a shame if that nip becomes super pussy all of a sudden, though.

I almost want to wikipedia this comic series to find out if Dale dies. He fucking needs to, and it would make me able to endure his utter shitiness.

Ide, I'll save you the trouble- the comic is completely different than the show. Shane would be dead and Sofia would be alive by now if they followed the comic. Also, Merle never existed in the comic so they are going in a different direction. I didn't read the comics but I already Wikipedia'ed the comic as you suggested.

I liked the beginning of the episode but trying to save the kid with the leg was stupid. Agreed that he'd be a fantastic distraction allowing everyone else to escape.

I was going to do the exact same thing, Ide. But after careful consideration I decided against. Dale has already robbed me of so many things in this show...future surprises was NOT going to be another.

Dale should have died at the end of season 1 with that stupid black chick. For someone so religious she sure forgot that suicide is a one way ticket to hell. Enjoy getting butt fucked by Hitler for eternity. That's your punishment for not taking Dale down with you.

Kenny's act is starting to wear on me but Shane-Dawg seems like a great sidekick to re-start the series. Him getting an HJ on the beach from that heifer was hilarious.

Anyway, back to Dead, are we ever going to see that black guy and his son (from the pilot) that Rick all of a sudden forgot about? Rick fucking sucks. He and his wistful glances can eat hog.

The writers are ELITE at giving horrible characters weirdo ailments as a means for us to care about them. Who the fuck is that blonde chick just laying in Deputy Dipshit's old miracle bed? She is the new Sofia/Andrea's sister.

I think that black dude is going to resurface at some point. The only question is when...and I think that depends on how long the series goes for. I mean, how many seasons do you think they will drag this out for? All I know is that something big better happen soon...like a main character getting waxed.