With February ending, I figured we needed a big way to bring Werewolf Month to a close, and what better than a porn parody of one of the the best werewolf movies ever made?

While the story is obviously on the back burner, it mirrors the source material fairly well. Two Americans, Jack (Dane Cross) and David (Richie Calhoun), are backpacking through Northern England come across a pub called The Slaughtered Lamb. Despite Jack's reservations, it's the only place in town, so they head inside. While Jack sneaks off with a barmaid (Jessie Andrews), David learns from an elderly barfly that there's some deadly creatures out and about that they wouldn't want to run into. However, said barfly is none too happy to find his daughter shagging a yank and sends them both into the night, deadly creatures or no. They don't even last a mile before a wolf assaults the two, killing Jack and leaving David a bloody mess. He wakes up a week later in a London hospital, having to deal with the apparition of his dead friend, dreams that switch between gory nightmares and sex fantasies (courtesy of Brett Rossi and Riley Jensen), and an erection that won't go away. That last bit helps him gain the attention of Nurse Price (Lexi Ward), but she should have paid more attention to David's rantings about werewolves.

I'll tell you, I was surprised how closely they followed the original script. You know, in the non-sex scenes I mean. Sure, they changed a few lines here and there to reference sex and add a little comedy, but a healthy chunk of the dialogue was lifted right from the source, and the differences were just small deviations. For example, if you'll remember David's first two victims, the engaged couple, were sneaking around to the back of their friends house to scare them as a prank. Here, the focus is on said hosts, who's decided to engage in some pre-festivity frick-fracking. As an American Werewolf in London fan, this was a nice touch. On the other hand, the production values were pretty weak. Some of it (things like the pub and hospital obviously being normal rooms in a house) I can forgive under the rule of "who the fuck cares? It's porn," but when they're doing stupid shit like throwing in a random rap song in the background, I can't help but wonder why.

On some level, that entire paragraph was kind of a waste of time. People aren't going to throw on a XXX Porn Parody because they're concerned about any of that bullshit; they want to see people fucking. While I've never reviewed porn before and I'm not exactly a connoisseur, I do feel comfortable saying this one wasn't that great. You see, there's five extended scenes throughout the run-time, four standard guy-girl scenes and one lesbian (no, the wolf itself doesn't get any action), and those four normal sex scenes were pretty much all identical, right down to the way they're shot. For example, when the girl got on top, it was guaranteed that the camera was behind her, filming her back. In a movie that runs for over two hours, you can't just do the exact same thing for the entire run time. On top of that (no pun intended), a huge portion of time is spent zoomed right into the penetration. I know it's a common angle so I guess there's a market for it, but I've always despised it. Again, it's such a large chunk of time that it actually gets boring. At some point, you can just fire up a GIF and get the same effect.

No matter which way you look at it, this parody didn't do too much for me. Had the director thrown in some variety and been able to find the zoom out button on his camera, things might have been different. Oh well. 4/10.