Monday, June 11, 2007

Okay, guys, I gotta be straight up with you here. Prophecy Girl and I have, in the past, used the funds amassed in the Jake Watch Piggy Bank for less than honourable means. There was obviously a lot of gin involved at the time and maybe the Guadalupe Foreign Embassy but, y'know we've forgiven ourselves and so has Mayor Lupe Alvarez.

So the deal is, we're pretty low on cash. Usually we wouldn't hassle you with our financial troubles but they come at an imperative time as a opportunity as golden as Reese Witherspoon's hair has landed in our laps. The Gyllenhaal Seniors are putted their property up for rent for a mere $20,000 a month. Peanuts! Dry roasted peanuts! The prospect of having Jake Watch coming at you from inside the very confines of Gyllenhaal Towers is surely the most interesting news you've ever read in your life.

Now, I know what you're thinking, obviously we're close personal friends of the Gyllenhaals and they should probably just let us stay at their house for three months completely free of charge, with a block of brie and the pool boy thrown in, but apparently times are hard and house-sitters are few.

So, basically, we need to raise $19,998 to get our foot in the door, literally. If you would like to see this ludicrous suggestion become a reality, please give irresponsibly. We'd like to take stalking to a whole new level.

Apparently the fire pit is a bit cliche now, so Prophecy Girl and I will rip it out and replace it with a hog roast. Also, those steps after our daily gin allowance? Deathtrap. Some kind of all-weather Stanner stair lift needs to go there. Sofas, outside? Plastic white chairs are surely more pratical? And I'm not sure about all that birch either. It gives off a slight vibe of wildlife conservation centre. Paint? And where are the pink flamingos? Do you people have no sense of American pride? What? We'd be doing you a FAVOUR, Gyllenhaals.

27 comments:

It gives off a corporate retreat vibe to me. Bet they had some Feng Shui person come in and help them decorate. It's Asian and Danish Modern combined, except it's Retro Modern. Can a place BE retro modern?????My check is in the mail ladies.Put me down for $6,199.98 in North Korean dollars. I got a deal.BTW: One thing that HIGHLY reccommends this house to me: IT HAS OUTDOOR SHOWERS!! Yes! They bathe outdoors.Personally, this appeals to me only if it means Jake would visit often. And stay for long periods of tmie. Cycling and jogging make you sweat. At least most people do.

The amount of my check will be directly related to if, and where, I'm allowed to reside in the house.

If I'm allowed to sleep in Jake's Room, I'll max out my credit line and donate all that's in there (and believe me, that ain't nothin' to sneeze at). Other sleeping areas will decrease the amount exponentially.

If we agents aren't allowed to stay there, put me down for $5, American.

OMG! ncwoman you are SO right.One should never assume. For my North Korean dollars, which roughly constitute one third, I would have to have 8 hours per day (roughly one third of a day) with Jake. I think that's fair and reasonable.

Sorry, but without Jake's presence this is just another reeeeeeally expensive house to me. Historical value? Perhaps enough to warrant a visit, if it were turned into part of a Jake Gyllenhaal Museum in the future. ;) Anyway, you two aren't getting another cent out of me until you put the JW Agent shirts back up at the store. Foo!

I think she was referring to the shirts I mentioned. And that's just bizarre! Someone has a copyright on what, exactly? The phrase JW Agent? Black t-shirts with white print? Those bastards! How dare they! I wonder if they'd let me design my own, or if someone would bitch about that, too? Maybe I should try it and see....

Forget paying for a stay at Chez Gyllenhaal.... squatters rights people...squatters rights!! We wouldn't need 20k then, all we'd need is airfare and money for a taxi ;) (on second thought...driving up to THAT house in a taxi...let's fork out for a limo!)

I think I'd like to discuss the whole concept of outdoor showers in the 21st Century in upscale Southern California subdivisions. All these gated communities. All these homes with high walls and privacy fences. For much of his life, I bet no matter where Jake goes, and no matter who he visits, there are outdoor showers everywhere. What a magical childhood he must have had! And his adolescence must have been Nirvana before he ever considered Buddhism.

I think she was referring to the shirts I mentioned. And that's just bizarre! Someone has a copyright on what, exactly? The phrase JW Agent? Black t-shirts with white print? Those bastards! How dare they! I wonder if they'd let me design my own, or if someone would bitch about that, too? Maybe I should try it and see....

That was my subtle way of telling you we're no longer hawking the 'agent' angle.

I'm not digging that decor of the Gyllenhaal place, too much wood for my taste but I'll see what I can do.

I figured that the agent angle was being dropped once you revealed the new JW and you didn't refer to yourselves as agents anymore, ut as writers. That's cool as long as the blog remains the same and the cast of characters are still around, doesn't matter what they are called! And speaking of agents I haven't seen Veeveevee, Smurfette or Cina around lately. I think Cina may be away on a trip I think.

PS: Along with the Pics of Jake in NY and with some fans over the weekend over on IHJ there is a fan encounter over in the encounter section by a poster, go run over and read it, it's from Monday!

OK gals- I think we can turn this situation around. Instead of vast and unfeasible cash outlays we can make us some money here.

We get the lease and then turn Casa Gyllenhaal into the 'Jake experience.'

We need sworn statements as to which is Jake's room, and that the linen and towels and everything have actually been used by Jake. Then we hire out his room at $500.00 a night. Breakfast sitting at the Gylenhaal breakfast bar, using the Gyllenhaal crockery and cutlery come in at $50.00 a head. Reckon we can seat about 8. Then lunch is £100.00. Dinner $150.00. I'm sure they are not by any means outrageous prices for LA. So that's ,uh,

*tongue sticks out of corner of mouth- but in no way as sexily as Jake's*

$2500 a night. Now add use of pool and shower, at $50.00 an hour. Say, oh, about 250 fans a day wanting a couple of hours each- OK it's a small pool- maybe have to restrict that to 50.

Guided tours. 24 hour back to back Jake DVD''s in the screen room. Heck we could make 5k a day. Do that for a couple of weeks and we could have the rest of the time to ourselves free of charge.

OK some outlays for cooks and maids and security and stuff (well how hard is it gonna be to drag hysterical fans from Jake's bed- sheesh).

I know Britpop would certainly not be soiling her well manicured nails with such tasks.

I think it's a goer (as Frank might say).I will do the legal stuff free in exchange for a number of nights exclusive use of the Holy bed. If the G's want spondulicks up front (God- I think Frank might be my long lost bro.)we just take our business plan to a bank (preferably one managed by one of our dear readers/'lashers/members of IHJ. How could anyone resist such a brilliant business opportunity?

shaken, not stirred, I read the fan encounter and it bothered me. I was uncomfortable with the notion that someone was following him, (and at some point he had to be aware of it not matter how he was "acting.") for a significant length of time, including waiting for him outside a restaurant for nearly two hours, then continuing to follow him. A very brief,straightforward introduction might have been better. I'm not surprised he didn't want to take a picture. He was polite, courteous, etc. but maybe it's his way of discouraging that kind of behavior, and frankly, it might also be his strategy for discouraging "citizen paparazzis." Aside from a friendly hello, maybe he just wanted to be left alone on his private time. He will become more and more popular and more familiar, and the days of walking down streets as a private person will become fewer. Obviously, the paps will get him no matter what. Without meaning to, I think sometimes fans need to understand when a line is crossed and behavior becomes stalkerish. They may not even think about how their behavior looks to others. And they don't consider how the object of their attention feels, being stared at and followed! This description, at least to me, indicated that without meaning to, someone crossed a line. And it sounds like he was really nice about it!!!

Sorry. Post Script: Maybe he was talking very quietly and keeping his head down, bcz he knew his private conversation was being eavesdropped. I think this person was lucky it was Jake. I can think of several celebs that would not have been nice at all.

That SUCKS :( Oh well BP, we do still love you... even if we cant 'OFFICIALLY' be agents anymore...

I feel your pain, Sam, particularly because I wanted to get one of those shirts but couldn't afford to, and then it was too late. *sniffle* I loved the blank intrigue of it. Anyone not involved would get the official-looking flavor but be perplexed and probably wonder for days after spotting one just what it was they didn't know. At least you got yours (and look great in it! :))

showerlady: I went back and read the whole encounter with the pictures and you are right, I found it uncomfortable. Also I didn't realize that she had a similar encounter in early March with two other fans with Jake, his friend Chris with them jogging in Central park. And yeah, I think Jake was aware of him being followed, not cool at all. She was lucky that he was really good about the situation.

I love the relaxed, understated luxury of this place. It’s mostly about the beautiful scenery and not about the owners’ egos. How refreshing for the Hollywood rich and famous.

On another note, Joyce, wow, great plan! I say forget about renting, let’s just buy the place and turn The Jake Experience into a permanent business venture. We will break even in no time. Think of the ever growing gyllenhaalic crowd worldwide. Hey, this is not about money, it is our duty towards society.

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