13 THINGS ONLY PEOPLE WITH KIDS UNDERSTAND

Thursday, 9 April 2015

(Image by Rebekka Arnold - all rights reserved.)

Aaah parenthood! Something so beautiful yet so snotty and messy at the same time. I am 22 (pushing 23 in 2 and a half weeks) and I am lucky enough to have a 21 month old daughter (in the title picture above), she is honestly the most magical human being I have ever met, but she is also the stickiest, messiest and most demanding human being I have ever met. Being 22 means I am more than likely going to have friends without children, although saying that I do have a lot of friends who do have children at my age. This post is for all the parents out there and all the people without children who think they know, but they have no idea.

1. Losing a blankey or a dummy
So it gets to 7pm you're counting down the minutes until your darling monster is in sleepyland, you collect up all their 'bedtime' things and you've lost her dummy, your heart drops into your stomach. Finding a dummy in your living room is like finding a needle in a barn full of hay, I'm not even joking we've spent hours searching for dummies, literally probably at least 8 hours of my life has already been spent searching for a dummy. And if you don't find it you know it's going to be a nightmare of a night, even though when they do actually have it they don't use it anyway!!

2. Peppa Pig
From the minute we get up in the morning to the time she goes to bed all I hear is "Pep pig, Pep pig!!" and if it's not on the telly it's being thrown at me in the form of a teddy or a DVD case, or Daddy Pigs toy car. Even if she's playing in another room or watching it on the iPad she still wants it on the TV. Peppa Pig is everywhere you go, you can run but you can't hide from the millions of overpriced merchandise you come across on a daily basis, and that nauseating theme tune ughhhh.

3. Your handbag becomes a changing bag.

When you become a mother you just can't have a small handbag, you need to be armed with everything that would fix any problem a child throws at you. Plasters, fruit, Quavers, nappies, wipes, antibacterial wipes, juice bottles and usually at the bottom you will find half eaten Ritz crackers and a Drumstick stuck to the bottom of your bag.

4. Lay ins don't exist.
Literally, they are extinct if you are a parent, and the only way you will EVER get a lay in again is if there's two of you and you have a rota for weekends on who gets up early and lets the other lay in. 5. Time that is child free makes you feel weird.
I'm talking about the days out your mum or sister etc takes them on, you're just left in the house alone and like what shall we do? It makes me feel very uneasy when my house is silent and Disney Junior isn't on in the background. I literally don't ever know what to do with myself so I usually just nap and do the food shopping, woo exciting!6. The amount of apologies you have to make to shops.

My daughter is a nightmare for just picking stuff up and taking them with her out of the shop. I have had to return umbrellas, bottles of shampoo, gloves and DVDs so many times, because Harper has decided to stash them in her buggy.

7. YOU CAN NEVER WEAR WHITE
Don't even attempt it, it's literally not worth your time. If I wear white, by 10am I have finger prints, snot and pen on my white clothing. If you manage to keep a white top completely clean throughout the day and you possess a toddler, I want to shake your hand.

8. Making crafts is a competitive sport for parents
Making your child the best and most creative fancy dress for nursery/school on Monday morning is more important to a parent, than it is to the child. There's nothing more satisfying than your child winning the best fancy dress competition at nursery/school, and watching all the other parents scowl because they didn't think of or make something as good. 9. Kids have worse hygiene than a puppy.
Kids are disgusting and you are the one left to clean it up. It concerns me that someone so small and cute could produces SO much dribble and snot. The most annoying part about this is they usually only want to cuddle you or show you affection when they are covered in snot, dribble and food that they ate earlier that day.10. Kids break EVERYTHING.
Harper's favourite is the iPhone and iPad chargers that she literally rips from the walls. There is no point in ever investing in anything that is expensive, glass or just breakable in general because I promise you, your child will break it.

11. Ridiculous presents from relatives
Relatives that buy your child ridiculous presents that they only purchase to watch you squirm. Huge tents, ball pits, sand pits and more tents that you can only use indoors because it's WINTER. WHY?! Stop, just stop.

12. Tantrums in public
I know someone who's child holds their breath until she gives in and agrees to let him have what he wants, 9 times out of 10 in public. My child is part of the generic throw yourself onto the supermarket floor and scream culture. Everyone stares at you and your child to see what's going to happen next, as if half of those onlookers haven't been in contact with, or had a child in their lifetime. Also these kind of tantrums don't happen at home really, but as soon as you are in the proximity of a busy environment full of strangers they let loose.

13. You will do anything for this human being
Being a parent gives you amazing feelings that you will never experience unless you have children. Yes, they are full time snotty little terrors but they're YOUR snotty little terrors, and nothing feels better than making them happy. Watching your child play, learn and grow is the most magical experience that nothing else in the entire world can give you and I genuinely treasure every single moment.