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Knife-throwing Monkey Protects Home from Intruder

Malcolm the monkey is a product of Ninjapet Defenders Inc (NDI), which provides the latest concept in home security. NDI supplies pets highly trained in various martial skills so as to present a deadly but at the same time cute and cuddly added security for your home, especially in fighting off and/or mutilating and/or killing unwelcome intruders such as burglars, bailiffs and so forth. A case in point is Malcolm, a monkey highly trained in the skills of knife-throwing, who last Monday dismembered a burglar who had broken into a home in Manhattan armed only with a set of Indonesian antique throwing knives (the monkey that is, not the burglar) and is now being hailed a hero.Ninjapets can provide a comprehensive range of trained pets or, if you prefer, train your existing pet (except goldfish) into becoming deadly killing machines in only three weeks of full-time training.Such pets include:

Roger the Tortoise who is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do

Priscilla the Yorkshire terrier who can strip down and reassemble a TAR-21 assault rifle in under thirty seconds.

Spike the Hamster who is highly skilled in the use of hand grenades (hand grenades not supplied).

Ninjapets meanwhile are working on further refinements and top-of-the-range super-pets such as Clive the fruit bat who will not only take out an intruder with poison-tipped darts but then proceed to hunt down and eliminate his entire family, Related News: Missing Minnesota paperboy David Weaver is still . . . er, missing, three weeks after last being seen being chased through the streets of Minneapolis by a machete-wielding terrapin . . .

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