Diana's Butler Considered Suicide

JANE WARDELL

Published 6:00 pm, Saturday, November 9, 2002

Associated Press Writer

LONDON (AP) _ Former royal butler Paul Burrell said he considered suicide after he was arrested for the theft of hundreds of items belonging to Princess Diana but decided not to end his life so he could tell his side of the story.

In a television interview broadcast Sunday, Burrell also talked of how he prepared food for Diana when she was struggling with bulimia and revealed the princess had found true love in her life.

Burrell, who was acquitted of charges of stealing items from Diana's estate, said he considered suicide because he thought he had brought shame on Diana, his wife Maria and his family.

"I will never forget as I sat in … my car with a bottle of water and a bottle of pills thinking I can escape from this `I can actually finish it now. I can't handle any more of this'," he said in an interview broadcast on ITV television.

"The one thing that stopped me was the fact that I owe it to Maria and the boys to get through this and come through and tell the truth tell my story and put the record straight and make sure they don't rewrite history."

Wearing the "D" cufflinks Diana gave him, Burrell described details of their intimate relationship and repeatedly referred to himself as her "rock," the princess' nickname for him, during the one-hour interview.

Burrell said he would have Diana's favorite white chocolate or rice pudding ready for "when needed" during the time she was a bulimic. "You could say I aided and abetted her," he said.

Burrell said he believed the eating disorder was a result of her troubled marriage and that Prince Charles was not well informed about the illness.

The former butler said he often found himself caught in the middle of the couple, detailing one occasion when he accidentally told Diana information concerning Charles that left the future king "very angry." Burrell said he ducked when Charles threw a book at him in rage.

"I fell foul of the golden rule to keep a master's secret safe. From then on I did exactly that. I asked the princess not to ask me personal questions, to not put me in that position again, and she respected that too," he said.

When the couple split, Diana reportedly put Burrell's name first on a list of things she wanted to keep from the marriage, and Burrell said he remained Diana's closest confidante, including for intimate details of her love life.

Burrell said the princess had no intention of marrying Dodi Fayed, son of Mohamed Al Fayed, the Egyptian-born owner of Harrods department store, but that she did find a "soul mate" whom he declined to name. Dodi Fayed died along with Diana in a 1997 car crash in Paris.

Burrell has previously said that Diana had a relationship with Dr. Hasnant Khan, a cardiac surgeon, and begged him to marry her.

Burrell also revealed during Sunday's interview that the queen wrote to Diana on several occasions after her divorce from Charles.

"She said that she had tried to reach out on so many occasions and I said `I know your Majesty because I saw your letters because the Princess showed them to me but the problem was, your Majesty, you speak in black and white and the Princess spoke in color'." Burrell said the queen smiled at that comment, "She knew exactly what I meant."

Burrell said he intended to return all the items he was holding for safekeeping to Diana's sons, William and Harry.

"I want to shake William firmly by the hand one day and say 'I will never betray your mother'," he said.