It’s still really really fast-paced, slowing it down might be a good idea. There are a lot of words that are spelt wrong for the type of style you appear to be writing in. I love the soot balls, it was a great idea to include them, Chihiro seems a little out of character but the story is at least a little inspiring. Nice work so far but that’s all I’m going to read for now.

Aww, it’s really cute, I like it a lot. However the tense gets me, I’m not sure what perspective you’re attempting to go for but it’s slightly strange. But I really do like the idea of her going back. I seriously think there would be more interaction with her father though, who lets their children just run in with that kind of an idea and says nothing? It’s so quick-paced…perhaps slowing it down would have been better