Guys, Are You About to Be Dumped?

Wondering why she seems a little distant, her friends aren’t quite as friendly, or why she’s hitting the gym with a vengeance? It may be nothing, but all three could be signs you’re about to get kicked to the curb, amigo.

By Bob Strauss

So there you are on your third date, struggling to make small talk over a lukewarm cappuccino and a too-small arugula salad, when you begin to hear (somewhere off in the distance) the dim, dolorous, barely perceptible sound of a tolling bell. As the gal you’ve been courting sighs vaguely and avoids your gaze, the tolling grows louder, and it reaches a Hunchback of Notre Dame-style crescendo as she yawns and glances at her watch.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls: It tolls for thee.

Okay, if you still have no idea what I’m talking about — you’re a guy, after all, and guys aren’t very good at picking up clues — here are some surefire signs that your sweetie is about to make you (very recent) history.

1. Her friends aren’t as friendly as they used to be. “Maybe she told her girlfriends she’s going to leave you, and the girlfriends have told their boyfriends and acquaintances,” says Py Kim Conant, author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha. “All of them pull back somewhat, because they’re afraid you’ll somehow sense from them that something’s rotten in Denmark.”

2. She ups her weekly workouts. “If your significant other starts to increase her visits to the gym or adds a new workout routine, it may mean that she’s thinking of finding greener pastures,” says Tina de Lemp, president of B.Fit. “Often, women become lax with their workout schedules when they’re in a satisfying relationship.”

3. She’s not having as much fun you-know-where. “For guys, sex without love is not a new idea,” says Patricia from Florida. “But for a woman, it’s a big deal. Distance sexually means she’s pulling away, as opposed to a guy who can enjoy it passionately with someone he’ll never see again.”

4. She’s increasingly hard to reach. “If you’re playing voicemail volleyball with her too often, the fact is that she’s just not that into you,” according to Liz Kelly, author of Smart Man Hunting. “If a woman really wants to reach you, she will go out of her way to find the right time to call.”

5. She gives you that little pat on the back. “Watch out for this one,” warns Lisa Daily, author of Stop Getting Dumped. “A woman who pats you on the back while giving you a hug is indicating that she’s uncomfortable for some reason. The bigger the pat, the more discomfort she feels.”

6. Her hug is a little bit off. While we’re on the subject, Daily continues, “another important sign that things may not be going well is the amount of contact during her hugs. Full frontal contact is good, but the one-shoulder hug could be a sign that she’s distancing herself in the relationship. She may be pulling away, or getting ready to break things off.”

7. She stops criticizing you. This one may sound counterintuitive, but, as Py Kim Conant says, “if she stops complaining about you leaving the toilet seat up, it may mean that she’s given up on the relationship, and has no energy to put into further criticism of you. In fact, she may not even notice the toilet seat any longer, since her focus is no longer on perfecting you.”

8, 9 and 10. She puts you off, she makes you mad, and she won’t let you kiss her. “Recently, I went out with a guy for a second date,” says Melissa from Chicago. “Before this, I tried to give him all the tell-tale signs that I wasn’t interested, but he persisted: He wouldn’t stop calling, he wouldn’t stop asking me out. So just to get him off my back, I agreed to go out one more time.

“During the date, to continue to show him I wasn’t interested, I brought up every taboo subject I could think of, and tilted my views toward the radical side: feminism, politics, religion, marriage, etc.”, says Melissa.

“When he dropped me off, I very clearly leaned toward the door away from him, and hopped out of the car as soon as possible to avoid the terrible ‘good night kiss.’ After that, he finally figured it out!” My advice to my fellow single guys? Maybe take a hint and bail before things get that bad.

You don’t have to douse yourself in after-shave, just take care of personal hygiene at the basic level. As like seeks like, dirty unwashed people will end up with dirty unwashed people! Fine if it suits you but if you are looking for something else……

Great States are catching

People love being around charismatic people because they seem to spread good feelings. Get yourself into the right state for flirting and go for it. The Flirting Weekend is designed to teach you how to feel good about yourself so that others will feel good about you.

When you buy a woman a drink, that is all you are buying

Don’t expect her to fall at your feet. Sometimes it is nice just to send someone a drink, watch when they receive it and smile, then look away – look back again later to show your interest. Don’t try to get a woman drunk – isn’t it preferable to have someone like you genuinely not because their senses are obliterated by alcohol. And think twice if you think you HAVE to buy a drink to impress.

Don’t do the rounds of a group of women

No woman wants to feel like second best. Refrain from approaching one after another in the same group. You look like a loser and the women may think you are desperate – any port in a storm Even if you are, don’t show it.

Concentrateon the conversation, not on getting a date.

Most women want to know what kind of person they are going out with. Make an effort to get to know her before diving in for a date

Give GENUINE compliments

There’s nothing worse than someone giving out a load of overblown lines. Everyone has something great about them, notice that and compliment them genuinely.

Keep your hands to yourself and respect their space

There are some people I call space invaders. Even when engaging in a casual chat they just seem to get too close. Some women have no objection to ‘touchy feely’ encounters, others are horrified by it. Respect the person until you have sussed out more about her. Touching can be a lovely flirty action, but should be confined to the arms or resting the hand just above the arms and NOT touching, until you know more. Test the personal space by moving closer, noticing the reactions then moving back a little to remove the threat

If you ask for a phone number, be sure you want to use it

Flirting and meeting people is NOT about trophy hunting it is about making new connections and having fun. If you don’t intend to use the number, don’t ask. There’s nothing worse than giving out a phone number and not having someone call. If you asked for it, use it .

Keep your self respect.

Women always fall for men who are that little bit unreachable. Don’t hover or grovel or be desperate. Think of yourself as special and know what you deserve.

And finally:

Be yourself. It’s no point in assuming a role you think someone wants you to play because you’ll get found out sooner or later. Be proud of who you are and if you aren’t YET sure how you are at your best, you might want to do some work on it. There are plenty of courses and self-help books out there.

Men are notoriously bad at interpreting signals from women. Know what you want when you flirt and make sure your signals are clear and that they convey what you mean. It’s not fair to flirt with someone for the fun of it – unless they are obviously flirty themselves. Flirting for fun is fine when you know someone a little better. If you genuinely want to meet people then by all means flirt, just make sure you know how to separate the sexual flirting signals from the ‘hi, I’m friendly’ flirting signals.

Great States are catching

People love being around charismatic people because they spread good feelings. Get yourself into the right state for flirting and go for it. Feel good about yourself and others will feel good about you.

Carry something to get you noticed [Susan Rabin calls this a flirting prop]

If you want someone to approach you, be sure to wear or carry something that is eye-catching and noticeable to you. You will be surprised how much easier it is to go up to someone and ask a question about their prop.

Separate yourself from your friends

If you go out with a group of friends or even one girlfriend, make sure you separate from them so that you are more approachable. No man wants to be rejected in front of a group of women, and he may well feel he cannot approach you when you are ‘protected’ by a herd of other women!

Check your voice

Does your voice sound like a dental drill or do you wash people in waves of sensual sound?

If you are not interested, be polite when rejecting a man

‘Get lost nerd’ is NOT the way to say NO. Men who approach women may do so clumsily sometimes. If you are not interested, make it clear and be polite. It can be very difficult to get up the courage to approach a woman. Refuse someone in the way you would appreciate being turned down yourself. If you are sure someone is NOT for you you can say ‘I am sure you will find someone who is right for you, but I am sorry I don’t think it’s me. Remember that even if this person is not for you, they may have friend potential and who knows that benefits that can bring!! And now a short pause for a commercial break!

Be interesting by being interested

Cut down the talk about yourself and ask him open ended questions. Find out about him – after all people generally enjoy talking about themselves and feel flattered when someone shows an interest in them. This also gives him the cue that you like to know a bit about someone before exchanging numbers or accepting a date.

Ask him what he enjoys doing

Women and men often tend to fall back on the line ‘What do you do’? To some men, this can smack of ‘checking for wallet-padding’. Alternatively Not everyone is doing the work they love, YET and the question may put them on the spot. Men are much more activity orientated whereas women like to talk about emotions. Asking them what they enjoy doing in their life will allow find out more about what makes them tick.

If you give out your number, give the genuine one

Carry a personal or business card to hand out. This way you know that when you give out your phone number you either give out the genuine one or not at all. Imagine what it must feel like plucking up the courage to dial a woman’s number only to find it is the local Chinese take-away.

Make the first move!

95% of men I talked to said they would love to be approached by a woman. If women are looking for equality then it is only fair that they do their share of the asking. It will also give you an opportunity to understand what men have to go through when making a first approach.

And finally:

Be yourself.

It’s no point in assuming a role you think someone wants you to play because you’ll get found out sooner or later. Be proud of who you are and if you aren’t YET sure how you are at your best, you might want to do some work on it. There are plenty of courses and self-help books out there.

Flirting is an important behavior that is both complex and fundamental. Everyone in the world, at some point in their lives will need to acquaint themselves with the art of flirtation if they want to experience the pleasures of the opposite sex. While there are mountains of advice to guide men on how to flirt effectively, that’s only half the story.

Men must also be able to recognize the signs she’s flirting. While any one of these visual cues taken alone often won’t constitute a green light, a combination of multiple flirtatious cues should pique your interest.

So, we’ve decided to lay down some distinct signs she’s flirting with you, so you can recognize the bait she’s laid for your affections. Women can sometimes be hard to read, but if you’re armed with a guide to signs she’s flirting, then you’re already one step ahead.

Number 10

She smiles

When a woman has an interest in you, her smile can hold your attention from across a crowded room and it is definitely one of the major signs she’s flirting. It takes an effort on her part to do so, so if she’s exerting this kind of effort, engage in her flirting by returning the smile.

Number 9

She keeps walking by

If it seems like she continues to walk by with apparently no sense of why she’s there, she’s there for you. She’s trying to get you to notice her with this obvious sign she’s flirting, and you need to say something endearing. By walking past repeatedly, perhaps out of her way, she’s giving you a sense that she wants your attention, but she’s making you work for it.

Number 8

She draws attention to her mouth

A woman’s mouth can be extremely seductive, and she’s fully aware of this fact. Some of the effective signs she’s flirting will have her applying lip gloss, running her finger across her lip or using the straw in her cocktail instead of just sipping from the glass. There is a tremendous amount of flirtatious energy tied up in a woman’s lips. Lips are flirting tools that are both potent and effective.

Number 7

She isolates herself

If, after having made eye contact, she strays from her pack, then she’s trying to flirt with you. Women know that the most difficult defense for a man to penetrate is her wall of friends and well-wishers. If she’s specifically removing herself from that fortress then this is one of the sure signs she’s flirting and letting you know she’s lowering her defensive barriers to let you in.

Number 6

She mimics your body movements

For some reason, when human beings are interested or infatuated with each other, they begin to pick up certain traits from the other person. If she’s mimicking your mannerisms — the way you hold a drink or the way you’re sitting — she may very well be interested in gaining your attention and is giving you solid signs she’s flirting. Imitation is a rather high form of flattery, after all.

Number 5

She plays with her hair

While relatively simple and commonplace, in the right hands a woman’s hair is a versatile weapon. When trying to get your attention, she may twirl her hair in her fingers or let it cascade in front of one eye, adding a sense of come-hither mystery to her persona.

Number 4

She touches you

The slight touch that sends chills up both your spines and makes your hair stand on end is one of the hallmark signs she’s flirting. When she reaches out and lightly touches your forearm or shoulder, hand or wrist, you know you have a live one. You need to reciprocate because there are few clearer signs she can provide.

Number 3

She makes eye contact

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and that through the eyes truth can be gleamed. Eye contact is a sign of confidence and trust. She’s stating that she is not interested in games and that her intentions are straightforward. The duration of the eye contact is proportional to her level of initial interest.

Number 2

She enters your personal space

Personal space, by definition, is where others are not. When a woman enters this space, say, brushing past you with a glance and a smile, she’s inviting a response with this sure sign she’s flirting. The caliber and character of her invasion will give you cues as to how you should respond.

Number 1

She approaches you to talk

Her approach may be closely tied to No. 2, but this cue takes it a step further. Cutting through any game she may be playing, her approach and specific engagement by speaking is playing her strongest flirting card. It allows her, while speaking to you, to maintain eye contact, play with her hair, lightly touch you, and mimic your mannerisms among other flirting techniques. If she’s come over to talk to you, she wants to know what you’re all about. It’s the first step in an interview process called dating.

flirting 101

While it may not seem like it to the average man, women flirt and spend as much time obsessing over their actions as their male counterparts. Since that’s the case, it would behoove any man to not only hone his own flirting skills, but sharpen his observational skills as well.

June 9, 2006 — When a man and woman meet for the first time, men may be more likely to think about sex — or at least more likely to admit it.

That’s the core finding of a study in June’s issue of Psychology of Women Quarterly.

The researchers included Maurice Levesque, PhD. He worked on the study while at the University of Connecticut and now works in the psychology department of North Carolina’s Elon University.

Levesque and colleagues studied 43 men and 43 women. First, participants completed surveys about themselves. Those surveys were designed to gauge masculinity and femininity.

Next, the researchers paired men and women who didn’t know each other. Each pair sat at a table for two and chatted for five minutes.

Hello, My Name Is…

The researchers gave the pairs a little advice: Break the ice by introducing yourself, and then talk about positive and negative college experiences.

Afterwards, the pairs split up. But before going their separate ways, they completed surveys about their partner and their brief conversation.

Participants rated their partner for traits including:

Extroversion (shy or outgoing)

Agreeableness (friendly and easygoing)

Sexual traits (sexy, flirtatious, seductive, and promiscuous)

Physical attractiveness

They also noted whether they would want to see that person again — as an acquaintance, friend, or date — and how well the conversation had gone.

He Said, She Said

The results: “Men rated their female partner as more sexual than women rated their male partner,” the researchers write.

Men gave their female partner higher sexual ratings if they found her physically attractive. While men noted women’s friendliness and agreeability, those traits didn’t affect men’s ratings of their partner’s sexiness.

Women were a little different. If they gave their male partner high sexual ratings, they also gave him high ratings for physical attractiveness, extroversion, and agreeableness.

“If a man was perceived to be physically attractive, he was also assumed to have many other positive qualities (sexual and nonsexual),” the researchers write.

Did men pay an exaggerated amount of attention to women’s sexual traits, or did women suppress their ratings of men’s sexual traits? That’s not clear, but it’s a good question for future studies, write Levesque and colleagues.

Whether it be an economic downturn, a design mis-step, an unexpected injury, a technicality, or plain old politics, there are myriad reasons why the even the best-laid plans in Formula 1 sometimes collapse before reaching fruition.

The 2009 season was riddled with plans being changed on the fly due to unexpected circumstances, and AUTOSPORT takes a look back at 10 of the most significant.

BMW Sauber will be a force in 2009

This was one of the big subplots during the winter of 2008-9. BMW Sauber could never be accused of disguising its ambitions, and when it mightily irritated Robert Kubica by sacrificing his chance to win the 2008 title in order to divert all of its resources to the F1.09, it was clearly declaring itself an early contender for the 2009 championship.

A big part of its confidence lay in its commitment to KERS, ironic that this part of the car would trigger its downfall – the system it developed didn’t work particularly well, and the accompanying aerodynamic compromises proved insurmountable.

Donington will be redeveloped for the British Grand Prix

There were promises. There were traffic plans. There were simulators, talk of debentures, and arrows slung at the doubters. There were holes dug. And denials – there were a lot of denials. And finally, there was a collapse, and unfinished building site with an uncertain future.

Toyota maintains F1 commitment

“We will continue F1 and other motorsport activities while cutting costs,” Toyota Motor Corporation president Katsuaki Watanabe said in January.

Ten months later, one of the most expensive F1 teams in history raised a tearful white flag and farewelled the sport, having spent hundreds of millions of dollars on 139 starts, 278.5 points, and crucially, zero wins.

Loeb to make F1 debut

When you’ve dominated a championship in the manner that Sebastien Loeb has the WRC this decade, it’s natural to consider finding another world to rule. There was no question over Loeb’s desire to try his hand at F1, but the enthusiasm within the walls of Toro Rosso – with which he was expected to race at Abu Dhabi – was more difficult to judge. His failure to qualify for the necessary superlicence eventually sunk his hopes.

Schumacher’s 2009 comeback

Talk about making the best of a bad situation. Once it became clear that Felipe Massa would make a full recovery from his freak accident in Hungary, Ferrari’s mission was to find a suitable understudy. The prospect of that person being Michael Schumacher seemed scarcely believable, although it later transpired that talks reached an extremely advanced stage. In the end it was continuing problems from an earlier neck injury that extinguished the comeback and gave Luca Badoer a second chance at the age of 38. Schumacher got his wish in the end though, signing a race deal with Mercedes earlier this week.

Williams and Renault reunited

Williams and Renault enjoyed some good times together in seasons past, and the prospect of them teaming up together in 2010 was a very real one. But the uncertainty over Renault’s future, caused by the crash scandal created an opening for Cosworth to make a pitch, and Williams was sufficiently impressed with its technical prowess that it decided to reunite with its engine partner from 2006.

Fans to have more access to drivers

Nothing wrong with the sentiment – F1 has become too inaccessible for its supporters, so let’s close the gap a little – but the action plan needs a little more work. The introduction of extra autograph signing sessions was admirable, but anecdotal evidence suggests that the reality sometimes fell short. Locating an autograph session in an area restricted from most fans, as reportedly happed at one circuit, was a particular howler.

Red Bull to get Mercedes engines

The prospect of Red Bull racing with Mercedes power in 2010 was a very real one, with both parties signing an agreement in principle relatively early in the season. But the McLaren Mercedes break-up complicated matters, and by November Red Bull was forced to concede that it would have to look elsewhere for engines.

Prodrive to enter F1 under Aston Martin banner

Well-resourced and with an experienced former F1 team principal David Richards at the helm, Prodrive was one of the favourites for selection as one of the three new teams in F1 for 2010. And tantalisingly, it was potentially going to race under the Aston Martin flag. No-one was more surprised than Prodrive when it was overlooked, but the team remains committed to finding a way onto the grid.

Rosberg to BMW

As early as Monaco, Nico Rosberg was publicly floating the idea of a future away from Williams. The German’s desire for a race-winning car had some rumours placing him at McLaren, but it was BMW Sauber that emerged as the leading contender for his signature. But when Mercedes’ plans to go it alone gathered steam, Rosberg became its first signing.

Unlike your girly privates, which are internal, boy privates are external. God knew that nobody wanted to see all our lady mess, so He pushed everything up inside you. What in tarnation He was thinking when he came up with that nasty, dangling, squishy flesh on boys beats the heck out of me, but I suspect it was so it would be easier for Him to keep an eye on what they’re up to. Because trust me: that grotesque grab bag of horror and disappointment is always up to something, gals.

Boy privates are often said to resemble hot dogs, although if you ask me, the ones I’ve seen always called to mind something like those cute little Austrian cocktail weenies they sell 8 to a can. But I think famed author Lynne Cheney described the male unmentionable best when she recalled recoiling at “an old Frankenstein’s monster bratwurst that looked like it had rolled under the couch for a month and got covered in dust bunnies and would make you spit up if you even so much as halfheartedly nibbled the tip of it.”

Though erotically sensitive just like girl nipples, boy nipples are NOT privates – yet. But my husband and I are working hard to instill a sense of sexualized body shame so acute, that one day soon boys will learn that their nipples are dirty little things that will get them – just like you! – arrested when they strut around topless at Myrtle Beach. America is not some big, old licentious San Tropez and it’s time all of you out there realized it!

The stuff that comes out of boys every time they use you has as many calories as seven whole pints of Häagen-Dazs. That’s why all the girls who do “it” always get so fat and ugly and have that ulcerated skin that screams to everyone in church, “I am an insatiable slut!”

While almost all American boys have human-looking privates, most foreign boys have privates like German Shepherds or half-open tubes of Max Factor lipstick.

Because boys use the business end of their privates as a pipe for going number one, touching it is pretty much the same as taking a bath in a Mexican’s toilet.

If you play your cards right, the revolting little wrinkled purse part of boy privates is something a Christian lady can go throughout her entire life without ever seeing. But knowing where it is can come in mighty handy when called upon to give a “not until marriage” warning kick. <!–

The “nuts” part of boy privates really do look like big cashews, but because they are actually made of ] meat, they would be no good for crumbling up and using in cookie recipes. –>

When a boy’s disgusting private goes inside of a girl’s shameful unmentionable, there is a serious risk of it breaking off and causing excruciating pain while it travels throughout your body like a giant trichinosis worm.

Up until the moment in your wedding when he says “I do,” a boy’s privates sport a treacherous spine of jagged scales, which may or may not secrete acid and weapons-grade anthrax – for which, apparently, only Ann Coulter has developed the antibodies.

God designed a boy’s privates as part sword, part battering-ram, to joyously stab and hammer you with on the magical night you begin your life-long tethering to the man who’ll liberate you from the drudgery of ever having to make your own decisions – except when to have a headache or give an “I don’t like this” bite.