Stalking via Revenge Porn

Human Rights vs. Stalkers posted this information last week and it’s worth reblogging. Originally from EndRevengePorn.org— check it out– it puts the sharing of sensitive photos without the victim’s consent squarely where it belongs, in the stalking category.

Some reading this post will say, “well duh, don’t allow anyone to take pictures of you in the first place.” Some will want to pretend that this would never happen in their church, among their friends, and so on. My advice would be not to assume and not to judge. There’s no one demographic who’s engaged in this and not everyone does it for the same reason. Additionally, you can’t exclude revenge porn from a discussion of domestic violence and stalking because it’s “racy,” controversial, sinful, uncomfortable, or sexual. It’s reality.

The victims of revenge porn may be married or unmarried, engaged or estranged, gay or straight, deeply in love and trying to please, or have a string of shallow relationships– what I care about is that they trusted someone with intimate knowledge and were betrayed. Some abusers demand explicit photos from their victims or record sexual assaults. Some might take pictures as “leverage” in a breakup or a divorce, or specifically to harass a victim with later– there are all sorts of reasons these depictions might exist.

Obviously if someone is sharing revealing photos with anyone without their consent, that shows an abusive and disrespectful attitude towards the victim. I don’t even like that this is called revenge porn because many victims didn’t intend for it to be considered porn. They might have been giving into youthful temptation, they might be wounded and looking for affection, they could have done it as an act of love. They might have been raped or molested. They might have resorted to extremes in an attempt to save their relationship. Victims are not going to be Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian types whose sex tapes are mysteriously “stolen” and make them famous.

This has been an interesting case to follow because it involves the issue of whether this guy should be in the possession of firearms. In domestic violence cases like this, the abuser usually isn’t supposed to. David Blackmer’s attorney, however, argues that he could lose his job if he doesn’t have access to one (and whose fault is that?). And why should someone convicted of this crime remain in a job that gives them the power to arrest others doing the same thing? Would you want someone convicted of domestic violence showing up to a DV call involving someone you love?

This type loves to pose as something they’re not to get sex and attention from multiple women simultaneously. It’s a high for them and makes them feel desirable and powerful. They are emotionally unavailable and love that they always have some woman somewhere who will stroke their ego and tell them what a good man they are. But they’ll just as easily turn on those women if they expose them for what they are or set any boundaries. Their “tenderness” and “vulnerability” can turn to rage and vengeance on a dime. That’s what happened here. Disrupt his fantasy and he’ll want to make you pay.

This is an excellent example of the type of guy who would post his victim’s photos publicly– he wants to maintain power and control over her. In his mind he’s the victim because the woman he used sexually under false pretenses had the backbone to put a stop to it and let his wife know what he was doing. How dare she stand up for both herself and his wife! How dare she break down the walls in his compartmentalized existence out of self-defense! Whoever this woman is, she is strong and amazing– who knows how many other women might take similar action because of her bravery.

Washington’s law on cyberstalking can be found here. The End Revenge Porn website says that only two states have laws specifically addressing revenge porn. The site offers information on how to get involved so that our laws will protect victims of this ugly act and has links to attorneys who might be able to assist.

One of the attorneys listed there, Gary Marshall, has a blog addressing some of the issues involved in these cases, such as extortion, invasion of privacy, copyright (you might own the photo), intent, voyeurism, and how accomplices might be held liable too. Engaging in revenge porn can have very serious legal consequences and is an extremely stupid thing to do.

Thank you to Human Rights vs. Stalkers for posting this. I hope to add more to this post soon about how to keep your abuser from doing this in the first place– to stop it before it starts– but in the meantime, don’t tolerate this. Fight back. There are laws that can be used to protect you and more on the way. Anyone who would do this to you is an idiot because they might do jail time and forfeit a whole lot of money for trying to hurt you this way. Their poor choices can also result in convictions that can limit their rights and prevent them from getting many jobs.

Be sure to check out the End Revenge Porn website for more information on their Cyber Civil Rights Initiative too. It’s an intriguing idea, especially for those of us who have experienced cyberstalking. I am among them and even now know of people with unhealthy fixations who keep tabs on my family online (document, document, document, share!). Their online obsessions mean there is a greater likelihood of offline problems as that site points out.

A quote from Viktor Frankl that’s on the End Revenge Porn site says, “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me.” Well said. While the best advice is never to allow photos or videos in the first place– not something you’re thinking about when in love or married– that’s not something some victims could have controlled either. The best advice now is to develop a safety plan, and then stand up for yourself with assistance from the authorities to shut down the abuse and harassment. You don’t have to take this. Not now, not ever. Not in any form.

4 Responses

It is usually accompanied by other forms of physical and cyber- stalking, as my sister has found. We have heard so many excuses for both behaviors from the police. My favorite is “just because he’s an a**hole, that doesn’t make him a stalker.” Three break-ins to her home – never investigated. Finally got an arrest when she photographed him tampering with her car on her property. He got fined for it. It continues as does the revenge-porn on multiple social media sites. He’s also sent the pic to her family and employer. Dirtbag!

Thank you again for the repost. Working together, I believe we can improve the lives of victims everywhere. Keep up the great work!

Thanks for posting this. You get the credit for passing the word along.

I’d be very curious to know what area your sister lives in to try and get her more help. Did you notice the list of attorneys on the End Revenge Porn website too? And if she has to take it to the state level to get help or get a good law, so be it. It sounds like the cops need to be doing a lot more than they have. If you want to compare notes about this, we can chat on email.