So, in my response to my vanilla privilege post I mostly got very sweet supportive comments, there were a few responses like “How can a man who enjoys dominating and humiliating women be a feminist?” and I’d like to say something to those folks. You’re asking the wrong question. It’s not about dominating and humiliating women, it’s about dominating and humiliating your sex partner… who likes it.

Men who enjoy dominating and humiliating women in a BDSM context, actually just enjoy dominating and humiliating their sex partner… and they happen to be heterosexual. There are men who enjoy dominating and humiliating other men exist as well, women who enjoy dominating and humiliating men exist, women who enjoy dominating and humiliating women exist. It’s not about subjugating women, or men or any one else, it’s about consensually pretending to subjugate your sex partner, because you both enjoy it, it’s the game you happen to like. It’s not about misogyny/misandry… it’s about what sex/gender turns you on.

I feel like people who say things like “How can you be a feminist when you like being beaten?” don’t understand a few things: