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Never I would have believe on day I will have to post such message.HIV was something I heard about, but never I thought it will affect me.

But it happen, and its not just a bad dream.

I have register to this forum because I'm looking for advices, even if I already get some reading few posts.

First at all, I just want to mention shortly my story:I'm a European guy, heterosexual, and not the kind of guy seeking for easy ladies.In the last 10 years, I first got a girlfriend for 6 years, then another one for 2 years.

Last year, I moved to Africa for a contract.While staying at the hotel (5*) I met a girl working there as a waitress.She became 2 months later my girlfriend and we stayed together around 10 months.

She was the kind of girl funny and very passionate. She was looking very healthy, and at this time, I even haven't think I would need to test her against the HIV.

After few weeks together, I quickly started to understand that she was a bit special.She made few lies, got many upset for nothing until the day she fight me in an incredible way just cause I was not willing to eat something.

After this event, it was in February this year, I decided to brake up with her.I tried, but she was so much sad, crying and so that I decided to wait until the travel I have to do in May.

Back to Europe, I met again my ex-girlfriend. And few weeks after, we decided to come back together.She asked me to do the HIV test as I was coming back from Africa and as I got a girlfriend there.I was very surprise, but I did the test in a pharmacy (paper test, where blood + product are mixed and where 2 bars means s+, while 1 mans s-)

An enormous shock happen: I got 2 bars.I couldn't believe it, but it was an enormous shock.We recommended me to go to the hospital, what I did.

Fortunally, my test was negative.But the shock was so big that I called my ex in Africa, to ask her if she never did the test.She answered that she did the test recently just after I left Africa for Europe and that his test was negative.The reasons she gave me for doing this test was that she was willing to do an operation to make his nose smaller.

I concluded that I couldn't have been infected and that the test I made in the pharmacy was wrong.I trained very hard the 2 next months (cycling 1h30/d 70-80%HCM and weight training) in order to loose weight.And I did. 25 pounds in 2 months.

This sounded normal to me as I was doing a hypo protein and caloric diet (betw. 1400 kcal/d to 1750 kcal/d).But people around me where quite surprise (so fast), and finally started thinking the same.

This drive me to do the test again few days ago : I was positive. I received today my Western Blot who have confirm it.

I'm totally devastated. The first thing that come to my mind is: I won't have a family, kids, never be a grandfather, I'll be sick, I'll die. In how long time ? Should I announce it to my family ? Why ?

I'm currently trying to control my emotions. And I founded this site.

That was for my story. I believe I'm telling it here because I can't understand why I have this sickness.I haven't get a lot of girls. But long term relationships.

It just doesn't get with my lifestyle, with who I am.

To try to figure out where I am, I currently trying to understand the results I get from the lab:

your CD4 percentage is a bit low but since this is the first test and you don't know the exact date of infection you should get a couple of more tests, let's say every 2 months to see the trend. Then your doctor will be able to see if treatment is necessary.

The pneumovax you got is to prevent pneumonia which is a frequent opportunistic infection, and Engerix-B is for immunization against Hepatitis B. Those two injections are not unusual given your condition.

I know you're in shock but it seems that you've been taken good care of by your doctor, so be patient, take the new blood tests in 2 or 3 months and go from there. The life expectancy? You should be able to see your grand children

Hi, sorry you got these news but glad you found this place for support. I think milker gave you very good explanation of your lab test, you should also visit the lesson link at the top of this page, there is lot of info that will help you to understand what is going on right now.

The shock of the diagnosis is always huge... we all can tell and believe me.. we all understand you. Even though... you will see with the time things will get better and be back to almost normal if you look after yourself and follow your Dr's advise. Life expectancy depends on your life style and the care you give to your health although i read in a recent research that life expectancy for Hiv+ nowadays goes around 39 years since the moment of diagnosis, so i guess you will see your grandsons .

Hiv is just another condition in life you will have deal with. For us it is Hiv, for others is heart disease, for others something else... what i am trying to say is... Hiv is not the end of the world, nor the end of your life... it is something you will be able to handle if you educate yourself.

You retested but you didn't say if you got a confirmative test. Did you have a Western Blot test done?

Yes and it is positive since yesterday.I just can't believe it. Definitely not. I have made study in physics.Kid I was doing a lot of astronomy, I played chess, did a lot of martial art (12 years), went in the special force in the army.I have always contemplate the beauty of the nature, the sky.I believe I am a good person. I only have had long term relationship. I can't explains why it happen to me ??Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that why me and not someone else.But why did I do so many things in my life to finally get this virus ?What is made for what I have learn or do till now ?? Why just I born if its to die before I get the time to realize something ?

xyahka

I walk a long way since my first test (10 days ago) and the full blood test result I received yesterday.I was considering a lot of options in my life, but I'm still there writing my story, so some options are just options.

I feel a contraction having read around:I do not feel different than any others people. But people often talk about exclusions.Its sound like someone that is rejected just cause he get a car accident.So i do not understand what happen in the mind of the seronegative.I haven't feel the exclusions yet, but I have read a lot of post talking about.

Another things that surprise me is that its very difficult to get some information.

For example:- I can't found on the net statistical studies (and real cases) showing the evolution of the cd4/vl over the time with different scenario (overweight, sportive, smoker, healthy food) etc..- I can't explains why * We can cultivate cells. Why don't we take our cells (cd4) and cultivate them to then inject them back to get new cd4 ? * Why don't we take our blood to clean it and inject it back ? At least it will drastically decrease the VL.

- I also don't understand something, but I can't found any survey about it: I made a lot of sport, under strict diet. I might have been infected last year already. But my VL seems low. I'm convinced that without recent my life style, my VL will have been much higher. I have read the story of Andrew Stimpson. It was said : he was not taking any medication for the disease, but he had however made a personal choice to start taking multivitamin and mineral tablets along with other dietary supplements. I have also read in your website the effect of the green tea, selenium and so. All this I did it for 2 months (without thinking I might be positive). I have eat a lot of proteins bar, take a lot of supplements (minerals, nutrients, vitamins, omega 3-6), etc and did a lot of sport. I'm convinced that this have help to reduce the VL I'm having today. But I can't find a place where this is seriously talked about.

- I can't get an understanding of what is a seropositive life because I can't find a website where real case are exposed. Such as when the people were diagnosed, what was their cells count, how it has evolve, what was the symptoms, etc.

- Can we take care us so well that the vl decrease to become undetectable, without the use of drugs ?

- Why did we kill this virus since the very first day we know our status ? Are side effect more important than the virus damage ?

- What are the side effect. How look or body over the time. Can you have a life forgetting being positive but just being careful and doing check ?

Any many others things that I'm not thinking about now, but that has come in my mind these days.

Wow, man, finding out sucks. Well, you've asked a lot of questions, most of which I can't answer. I haven't been in the game long enough and have yet to receive my lab work : (

But, for you story, you said some things that I would like to respond to. Particularly the why? I don't have a why did this happen to you answer, but I can tell you that living a clean healthy lifestyle doesn't make anyone immune from this. HIV is faceless, it can happen to anyone. Getting HIV does not make you a bad person or mean that you were doing something wrong. It means you now have a manageable disease and have to take care of yourself accordingly. Do not think of it as punishment - you did nothing wrong and you cannot change the past.

As for the life expectancy, it can be anything. Barring sudden death from a freak accident or act of god, you could live well into your golden years. Most of the stories I have read suggest that with proper nutrition and health care you can live an almost normal life expectancy, it'll just be a tad rockier.

Oh, and I'd look into the kid thing before banning any possibilities of family. Family means a lot of things, explore your options bud.

Well hey, you have found a great group here and we are all here for the long run. Hope you get the advice you need, take care man.

I believe I am a good person. I only have had long term relationship. I can't explains why it happen to me ??

Boy... we are all good people. Let's say... i am good boy yadda yadda yadda... i didn't get hiv because i was bad... i got it because i had unprotected sex with someone who was infected and didn't know his status.

But why did I do so many things in my life to finally get this virus ?What is made for what I have learn or do till now ?? Why just I born if its to die before I get the time to realize something ?

This virus is an illness... like any other. Calm down, you are not going to "die before you get the time to realize something". I understand you have fears.. and this is all overwhelming... but you see... you have to trust FACTS no fears. Facts say that HIV+ people don't die soon after diagnosed. Calm down a bit, perhaps you should consider meeting a counsellor, i did and do from time to time and it made a huge difference in my way of seeing life with hiv.

About the options, don't take desperated ones... it worth to be here today, it is good to be alive, and believe me... in the future you will still have lot of sunny days to enjoy and happy moments.

Go a day at a time, don't think about exclusions right now... focus on yourself and calming down and learning first about the basics of what is going on inside you.

- I can't explains why * We can cultivate cells. Why don't we take our cells (cd4) and cultivate them to then inject them back to get new cd4 ? * Why don't we take our blood to clean it and inject it back ? At least it will drastically decrease the VL.

About the cells, i am sure someone else might explain you about it, i am not Dr so i can't tell. What i know is... lot of efforts have been made during this 25 years to stop the virus and we have got some success: the ARVs. They are our weapons in this war. You have plenty of time to read and learn about them... just take your time. You can't learn it all in a week. Calm down Jhon.

- I can't get an understanding of what is a seropositive life because I can't find a website where real case are exposed. Such as when the people were diagnosed, what was their cells count, how it has evolve, what was the symptoms, etc.

A seropositive life is similar to anyone else, you only add some more precautions and blood tests here and there. Everybody has good and bad moments, we also have them. People infected with chronic diseases also add some medicines to their daily schedule... so we do.

If you want to know about what to live with Hiv is all about, you should click on the blogs option at the top of the page. There are over a dozen people writing about their lives with the virus. Go from the beginning of their blogs (some of them written several years ago) at the archive option, down in the menu at the right of the blogs and you will find out.

Boy.. you have too many questions.. it is normal. Slow down. Go to the lessons and start reading slowly from the beginning... and slowly you will find the answers you are looking for. If you feel overwhelmed... stop, relax, go out... take a rest, watch tv... and next day when you feel calmed.. read again. You see... this site is not going anywhere.. nor you. There is plenty of time for you to understand it all and process it. I know how you feel... i was there... but believe me, all answers does not come so fast.. plus we are not able to process them all at once.

- I can't get an understanding of what is a seropositive life because I can't find a website where real case are exposed. Such as when the people were diagnosed, what was their cells count, how it has evolve, what was the symptoms, etc.

You just found the website, buddy, this is it.

It is normal to have all those questions in your mind, and you will get the answers on here, but right now you have a million questions and all that is in your mind is hiv hiv hiv hiv hiv.

You WILL relax, I promise, and triage in your mind what is important for you to know and do the research. I suggest that instead of Googling around you use the SEARCH feature of this website to find threads and posts about your concerns. Spending too much time on the internet with keywords like hiv, cd4, supplements, etc will lead you to websites that will want your money and make you believe they can cure you with natural products. Although there are supplements that seem to help increasing immunity and decreasing the virus potentness, no herbal or natural supplement has ever been proven to stop HIV from replicating.

Taking cells multiply them and reinject them is basically what stem cell research is about. It's still research. The virus is found in only 2 percent of the blood, so "washing" your blood wouldn't get rid of the virus, which is for its most part in the lymphoid tissue.

- My weight is 106 kg. I have read here or there how important it is to get fit. May I know the reason ? The more we are fat, the more our body can host virus ? Or just related to heart diseases ?

- I know of course that smoking is bad for health. As I just get the news, I can't consider stopping now. But before postponing this decision, how bad it is to smoke when we are s+ ?

- I'm still trying to understand my results: CD4 = 509 VL = 1732The VL sounds low, knowing in more that I might have been infected up to 18 months ago.Its very optimistic to say so, but can it be a sign that I could get few years before I will have to take medicine ?

I have carefully read your answers above, and I'd like to thanks all of you.

But all we are in this world with this sickness, we are very very unlucky.

finally, when I think to my ex, I can't understand why people having hiv can found innocent people (yes I-N-N-O-C-E-N-T !), give them the hiv, to just say (after having contaminated his partner and having prior that lie a lot arguing to be negative):

MSN:

HER - Yes I have. Now I feel sorryME - How long time HER - No answerME - You kill meHER - Why you say that ?ME - I believe in God. I forgive you. God will judge you.

1) 106 kg is 233.7 lbs for those Americans reading here. I don't know what your height is, but assuming even 6 ft. / 1.8 meter that could be seen on the heavy side, but nothing you can't adjust with proper nutrition and exercise. It has nothing to do with "The more we are fat, the more our body can host virus ? Or just related to heart diseases" as that makes no sense. It simply has to do with the fact that better nutrition makes for a better naturally functioning immune system. Conversely, we all must worry about DROPS in weight to, as in ones we do not plan for. Advanced HIV progression can cause wasting which is not good for one's immune system either. Once you settle in with your HIV diagnosis you may find it advantageous to visit a nutritionist.

2) Nobody's going to tell you smoking is healthy, certainly not for someone infected with HIV. I don't know how much you smoke either. You're dealing with OTHER things right now, so I would say if you do not feel mentally able to deal with cessation of smoking at this moment you should not lose sleep over it. I have smoked off and on for my entire ~20 year of infection and I'm doing fine, but then again I only smoke 10 cigarettes or less each day at present. I plan on quitting (again) and out of those 20 years at least five were actually years where I had quit.

3) Your lab numbers are quite fine for someone newly diagnosed, and your CD4 would even be more than acceptable for someone who had been on HIV medications for a decade or more. Your viral load is quite low for someone not on any medication. If your numbers continue in this range I would say you will stay off HIV meds for some time. Consider yourself one of the fortunate ones, but I will caution you to continue to see a doctor regularly and not rest on your laurels.

Additionally, as far as judging the person who infected you please keep in mind that it was you who went to Africa and did not use a condom during sex. That's like me going into a gay bathhouse and blaming everyone for infecting me when I chose to bareback.

Additionally, as far as judging the person who infected you please keep in mind that it was you who went to Africa and did not use a condom during sex. That's like me going into a gay bathhouse and blaming everyone for infecting me when I chose to bareback.

I do agree with that. But there is a but (a very big for me, probably a small one for you): The way she behave. It has a big impact on the decision I have taken to not do the test. I would better say: to even think doing the test !Like an escrow. I'm not judging her further. Yes it is my responsibility. But she have helped A LOT for that to happen. After that, yes we are human.

You know, I'm a physician. I'm not telling you that to tell you I'm a physician, because everybody can follow such study.But if you know some, you might have see that a lot of them are peaceful people. Because its a vocation.You like the universe, the nature, you are curious about them. Things like that. I can't express my feeling. What I can say is: I'm not use to meet liars. So I was not prepare for this kind of girl.Its definitely not the place to express such feeling. And my aim is not to shoot people.But really, she did everything for this to happen. I can give details, but doesn't it matter. You will not believe me anyway, and it won't change anything.

I also have think that if I have meet her and I get the HIV from, then it was just a matter of time that I'll have get it a day or another from another girl. But again, I'm not use to such girls (education, etc). And it has happen. And nothing will change that.

You're right John. It won't change anything. You have HIV now and have larger things to spend your brain power on. It's natural to have the thoughts you are having with such a recent diagnosis, so I will not deny the legitimacy of having them. But I think you will find it very valuable in the long run to let go of this preoccupation. It won't change anything at all, as I'm sure you realize.

a relative low amount of VL means that the virus is not very active, or that the quantity of virus I get was low or that the CD4 have fight, or that the contamination was recent, or that my body is killing this virus but then the amno are low no ?

What will be the impact on the CD4/VL ? Can I work if I go work after these injections ?

3) I read on the net that there are 2 kind of HIV: 1 and 2.For HIV-1, the VL is ok. For HIV-2, it is high. My test didn't mention which one it is.I asked to my doctor, he told me: he doesn't matter. We will treat you each time something happen.I do not agree. Should I ?

4) I will pass test to see if I have the Hepatic. If it was the case, would I feel any symptoms ?I don't know what hepatic really is, but if I get it, it will be like I have another HIV.

Taking cells multiply them and reinject them is basically what stem cell research is about. It's still research. The virus is found in only 2 percent of the blood, so "washing" your blood wouldn't get rid of the virus, which is for its most part in the lymphoid tissue.

If 98% is in the lymphoid tissue, then we should remove them.Where will hide the virus then ?

My answer is probably naive, but the contamination happen mainly with the blood. I can't believe only 2 % of the VL is in the blood. Are all this CD4 dieing by 2 % of the total VL ?

If 98% is in the lymphoid tissue, then we should remove them.Where will hide the virus then ?

My answer is probably naive, but the contamination happen mainly with the blood. I can't believe only 2 % of the VL is in the blood. Are all this CD4 dieing by 2 % of the total VL ?

The lympathic system is where 98% of the virus is found and where the CD4s and other cells that constitute the immune system are created. The virus enters through the blood and is "drained" to the lymphatic system where it replicates. If you "remove" the lymphoid tissue then you will have no immune system and will die.

The fact is all such studies can only give us a general trend, and the trend is that life expectancy of us HIVers is on the increase, at least in countries where diagnosed HIVers are able to get the latest medical treatments.

No matter what the trend says, it's still our own private virus. Some folks had a strong will to survive but for whatever reasons they couldn't fight even when they took their meds on time, ate healthily, exercised and so on. Some folks, after diagnosis, decided to ignore all advises, then continue as if nothing has happened and haven't taken a single pill - still, in one case I know the guy is still healthy after 17 years of finding out his status. You will find them here too, and they're known as non-progressors or slow-progressors.

So, we just don't know what will happen to us until, well, things happen. What we DO know is that now that we've been tested positive we have many medical options and new drugs have improved tremendously from the days of AZT. Of course they have side efforts, known short term ones and unknown long term ones, but new meds do indeed help many of HIVers to continue to live mostly normally for a longer period of time.

Yes, there's no guarantee that they will work on everyone; there's always a chance that we may not the ones that falling through the crack. But then, nothing is guaranteed in our lives. Individual researches like this will continue to appear, with varied results; if they give us more hope, all the better.

I haven't found in the report you have mention the details on this forecast:I'm wondering how have been determined this life expectancy when we can't determine with certainty the way our body will deal with the new drugs (toxicity) and as its a new virus.

Hi, I am not sure if this part of the article may answer your question.

Our group has addressed this question in the Danish HIV Cohort Study, using data from a population-based cohort of all HIV-infected persons in Denmark, a country with free tax-supported medical care, including universal, income-independent access to HAART.2 The high quality of the Danish Civil Registration System3 enabled us to compare, with little attrition, the survival of HIV patients with that of a matched cohort from the general population. Life-table methods were used to estimate survival of a 25-year-old HIV-infected person, regardless of whether the person had started HAART. The estimated median remaining lifetime has increased from 8 years in 1995-96 to 23 years in 1997-99 to 33 years in 2000-05. Among persons not co-infected with the hepatitis C virus (HCV), the median remaining lifetime in 2000-05 was 39 years (95% CI: 35-40 years), similar to that of a young person with diabetes.4 In comparison, the median remaining lifetime for a 25-year-old HIV-uninfected person was 51 years.

The study only takes into account that with current meds people are living longer than before, not taking into account how these people reacted to meds. The reaction to meds vary so much from individual to individual that it is impossible to create a model for them. I guess we already told you that.

Another thing, is that you should remember Hiv is not a "new" virus. It was discovered 25 years ago. Scientist know some things about the virus, and how it works. We just don't know how to kill it.

There you can find all the bibliography used to write this article, and i guess if you do a deeper research about it you may find more details on how the sample was stablished, the statistical parameters used and so on if that's of your interest. Also in the original article there is a link to contact the writer of the article. Hope this help you.