My day started out well. The store was technically closed for the first hour I was there as all the registers were down so we kicked out the customers. But I came upon some of the workers in my department talking (they didn't know I was there) and heard one of them say ironically, as if he was rising to my defense, "But that's Jon you're talking about!"

I asked if they were talking about me and nobody really explained it. It was awkward. When most of them left I asked one of my department coworkers who I'm closest to what they had been talking about. He said they had been making some kind of joke about me and the rapper Lil Jon (since we share the same name?). It sounded pretty lame and like something he made up on the spot to cover for what they were really talking about.

It hurts to think my department coworkers might not like me (guys have feelings, whaaaa?). And it hurts to think that this guy who I like might have been lying to my face. But it also really worries me that they might not have been talking about personal animosity towards me, but rather about disappointment in my job performance. This scares me even more. Because I need this job. And I have zero job security. I'm in a 90 day probationary period during which they can essentially let me go on a whim.

*sigh* i did something unintentional last night that upset my partner. so he thought it was ok to come in while we are sitting at the dinner table slam both hands on the table and loom over me while shouting how he hates it that i do "x" to him , that i'm so rude and that "don't you ever do that again". i apologised, told him i had no idea it was offensive and the mirrored his behaviour (exactly, to prove a point) and said don't talk to me like a dog. so he is now still not talking to me. because, even though i did the bad thing, i made him into the bad guy. ffs, i didn't make him into a bad guy, he did it himself by acting like an aggressive asshat. and i am getting the silent treatment. facepalm.

I told my mother I wasn't sure if I could give her gas money this week and she flipped a forking nut on me. I've given her money and let her borrow money (which takes forever to come back to me) since I started my job, pay for the laundry every two weeks, just bought my brother a seventy dollar forking phone, but the second I say no because, I dunno, maybe I'd like to enjoy my goddamn money for once, suddenly I'm a selfish shithead who never does anything for anyone.

She's the reason I can't quit. I would really love to quit this job because it's a forking DELI, like why the hell would I work there willingly, but she always comes up with a million reasons why I can't quit and what would happen if I did. The real reason she doesn't want me to quit is because the money goes away.

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface

Molly is still wheezing a little. I think she has some blood clotted in her nostril. We've been cleaning it out with a syringe and it seems much better today, but I would still rather she see the vet tomorrow. My mom doesn't think she needs to go though. If it were up to me, I think I would take her just so I stop freaking out, but I work tomorrow. My mom is probably right though--she usually is. She wouldn't endanger Molly for anything. Also, stuffing Molly into a carrier for a 3 hr round trip (she gets car sick and throws up) so she can be poked at by a vet just to make ME feel better is probably pretty selfish.

I did fork all today, so now, at 10pm, I need to finish a PowerPoint and lesson plan for tomorrow. I don't wanna.

_________________"This is the creepiest post ever if you don't know who Molly is." -Fee"a vegan death match sounds like something where we all end up hugging." -LisaPunk

I had to call off this afternoon's casual work because I am contagious and disgusting. Even though it's not my fault I feel like I'm letting people down because it'll be a big hassle for them to find someone to cover and this is the second time I've had to call in sick for casual work in the last couple of months, so I'm going to get a reputation as being unreliable, which sucks because I could really use the money at the moment and offers of more work in future which I'm sure won't be so forthcoming now.

_________________"Like a wonky bourbon stonehenge. But in a good way." - Disappearing Ink

A friend of mine has a 10 year old daughter who is being stalked by an adult male in their apartment complex for almost 8 months now. Its gotten so bad that her daughter can't be anywhere unattended, because this guy is always there. They got a first restraining order, but the guy violated it and the police wouldn't remove the man, even though he wasn't a legal tenant in their complex (he was a subletter). The complex told her that they were moving to evict the guy but ended up regularizing his lease instead. So it makes it harder to remove him. She is back in court today to try and get another restraining order and have the man removed. Any good thoughts you have are welcome.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

I think that part of the reason they regularized the guys lease was so that they weren't negligently allowing the man to be on the property. Once he has a regular lease he has every right to be there. They have a ton of witnesses at court today, so hopefully they'll get the restraining order and have the man evicted. Otherwise my friend is going to move and hope he doesn't find them.

The law needs to protect the rights of the accused in order to guarantee all of our freedoms and I get that. I am just hoping for a good outcome here for a little girl. Its sad that someone is getting their jollies making a 10 year old feel unsafe.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

That is so scary and disturbing tofulish! I hope everything goes well in court.

_________________"That is some very responsible yolo-ing." - allularpunk"We are simple people, my husband is a mechanic with dirty hands, my daughter is a blue haired lesbian who's favorite activity is making people uncomfortable." - torque

It's pretty clear to me now that I have relapsed, which couldn't be happening at a more inconvenient time. Also, for reasons unknown to me, my good friend isn't calling me back when I really, really need somebody most.

It's pretty clear to me now that I have relapsed, which couldn't be happening at a more inconvenient time. Also, for reasons unknown to me, my good friend isn't calling me back when I really, really need somebody most.

I'm so sorry. Sending you good thoughts and light. I hope she calls you back soon.

_________________"Vegan to me means Oreos for breakfast." -Poopiebitch"tl;dr: I quit working to drink beer paid for with gift cards" erikasoyf*cker

Sorry to hear that, TupeloHoney. Are there any support forums, or threads on here that would be relevant? Maybe not as good as speaking to a friend, but possibly a little helpful?

Probably not, but I did leave a message with my psychiatrist. I'm waiting for him to refer me to an eating disorder specialist that is covered by my insurance. I'm glad to be nipping this in the bud, but in the meantime, it's so hard to be back in that state of mind. Especially when I've just moved out on my own for the first time, and am always by myself. And I still haven't found a job, so I really can't afford to get sick again.