A story of a 37 year old woman named Alex, working through the trials of infertility, and now raising a little Alex...

Monday, August 9, 2010

Random Thoughts

I’m home alone for a few days with my thoughts. The hubs went out of town for work, and I’m left to think about stuff myself – always a bad idea! No, it’s actually not that bad. I’m taking the opportunity to get a lot of stuff organized and cleaned at home. I have a bunch of things I’d like to accomplish in the next three days – wish me luck!

I just got a bunch of results back from the doctor for our miscarriage and immunology panel. Well, kind of. My doctor has a patient portal that I can log in and get results from all the tests, and it stores them. Which I love, but now let the google-fest commence! Basically it has a ton of numbers from all these blood tests I took a couple weeks ago, but no interpretation of the numbers. And the other thing that’s annoying is nobody from the office called me to let me know that the results were out there! Although now that I think about it, it may be because not all the results are in yet. I need to go through it and check everything off. And some of it doesn’t have number results, it just says “Comments:” and there are no comments! I think the doc is supposed to fill stuff in. Yes, I know, I need to talk to the doctor. So I just made an appointment to go over the results with him – earliest appointment available is two weeks away! In the meantime, I will be researching away…

Tomorrow night I’m going over to a friend’s house to help her unpack after her move. I want to see her new house, and offered to help unpack for a few hours tomorrow. And then she told me that what would help the most is to come over and watch her child while she unpacked… Ugh. I haven’t seen this little girl in probably 6 months. She’s about 15 months old. I remember going to the hospital when she was born, holding her precious little body in my arms, and whispering to her my wish to have a baby. Somehow I thought she could grant me my wish. Now she can talk. We hung out quite a bit for the first few months of her life. I was even on the short list for babysitting. And then I started to pull back. Her mom’s pretty perceptive – we never really talked about it, but she stopped asking me to come over and see her baby. I remember the week before the miscarriage, her mom said, “You should come over and play with my girl! You need to start hanging out around babies again!” And I agreed. And then I miscarried. Never did see her. So now I’m going over there tomorrow, and occupying her while her mom unpacks. Not really looking forward to this.

15 comments:

As for the little girl, I bet it will be fun. Afterwards, I am sure there will be some sadness, but after all, 15 month olds are generally adorable and lovable. However, if you do start feeling melancholy beforehand, and not up to it, I hope you don't hesitate to let yourself off the hook! You don't have to do this if it is going to be too hard.

Your doctor's system sounds really cool- I wish mine had something like that. Even though you can't interpret things on your own (necessarily), it will be good to be armed with the results of your googling for the appointment.

Good luck, please try to take care of yourself. there is no law that says that we have to be around babies when we are going through all of this. I hope you get to speak to your DR soon, all those numbers without explanations would make me crazy!!!!

Sometimes when I fear seeing a baby it turns out to be much easier than I expected, I hope that is your experience tomorrow. But maybe the baby will be sleeping and you won't have to deal, that would really make it easy. 15 months? She should be in bed early, right?Google can make you crazy, its a fact.I hope your 2ww ends with fabulous news!!

((Hugs)) I felt the same way before my bf came to spend the weekend with me with her baby. However, as soon as I saw the baby I was fine for the weekend. It was when they left that I felt bad. Hopefully you will enjoy your time. Good luck.

It sounds like you are a wonderful friend, Alex. I'll be thinking of you and sending you hugs. And after that, hoping your doctor gets busy with comments so you can interpret your results and get some results--as we all know, 2 weeks is a long time to wait!

I'm in Dallas, btw. Still, it's always nice to know who the Texans are :)

I wouldn't be looking forward to it either:( But I'm thinking good thoughts for you tomorrow. And if your friend is truly perceptive, she'll also be able to tell when enough is enough (I hope) and when she should let you make a getaway.

Good luck with Dr. Google - I've found you CAN get to explanations of most of those tests. Eventually:)

Hey Alex! Hoping that tomorrow's visit is not too painful, but pleasant instead. If you feel the need to vent afterwards, please do so though. I am amazed that you can log in and check your blood results, we have nothing like that in Australia. You blew my mind! Looking forward to hearing the doctor shed some light on the information you get back :)

Good call on making an appointment with the doctor. I was going to say bad call on Doctor Google, but I think in this case it might not be a bad idea. You're trying to figure out what went wrong, not what could be wrong.

Good luck with the babysitting. Hopefully it will be pleasantly fun, and you will be glad you went.

About Me

I always wanted to be called Alex, and nobody listened to me. I dreamed of the day when I would have my own daughter to call my own, and I would call her Alex. My dream has come true...
Feel free to email me at adventuresofalex @ gmail . com

8/10 - Received diagnosis of compound heterozygous MTHFR mutation - one C677T and one A1298C mutation. Researching implications. Add Folgard 2.2 2x per day and baby aspirin - for the rest of my life...