The third time we broke up, he e-screamed at me, in all caps, over AIM: “YOU THINK WE ARE ALL FUNNY EXTRAS IN SOME ELIZABETHAN PLAY.” I have never been so sad in my life while also laughing so hard. Shortly after we broke up (by which I mean, about six hours and two bottles of wine), I created an online dating profile and in my bio, wrote simply, “I think we are all funny extras in some Elizabethan play.” I got a lot of messages and dates out of it, almost all of whom wanted to know how I came up with such a funny line for my profile.