Monday, April 2, 2012

BLAME IT ON MY A.D.D., BABY.

I'm the kind of person who stands in line, and if that line isn't moving forward, I'll go into another one. However, once I get in that "new" line, I realize the line isn't new at all, I've already tried that one! What's worse? That the line I left is now moving forward. I'm a fucking train wreck, and the outlets I chose to relay my emotions weren't the best ones. In fact, they were the worst ones. I'm not saying I hate myself for it, I'm saying I did wrong, I know I did wrong, and now I have to do right. I turned into something that wasn't me this weekend. I have never ever ever in my entire life regretted choices I have made. I've already conjured up all the excuses in the book to take my guilt away. Shit is a novel. Reality of it, I can't take shit that I've said or done back. It's over, it happened. All I can do is apologize. I just need to take all the things I'm feeling and transfer them to more positive outlets. The way I've been doing for 24 years. Sooooo.. now what? Now. I try another line.. and if it isn't moving forward, I need to be patient, respect myself, respect my choices and do nothing but right. Not for anyone else, either. I need to focus on myself. I was told today by a very wise lady, "Your moral compass has always been on point. You don't fuck up, you just don't." THAT SHIT RIGHT THERE. That shit right there.

I won't let a few bad actions define me. I do a lot of good for myself and others. A LOT. I will continue to focus on that for now.. it's all I got, man. My words, and my soul. A few demons have slipped past me, but once you've reached your bottom, you can only go up. I can only move forward. Stay tuned.

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COMMENT:

Consistently making a mess of things, she's either "funny" or "weird". Botcho usually finds herself awake for too long despite her love of sleep. She's busy exploring the world with a taste for fashion, concerts, breaking rules, hair dying and pizza. She only calls herself a writer in an attempt for her blog to make sense. For all business inquiries, you can contact her mom.
syntifik@hotmail.com