Hi,
I'm a weather pixie. OK, stop laughing. I SAID, STOP LAUGHING, DAMN YOU.
Click here
if, for some ridiculous reason, you'd like to know more about the current
weather conditions in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Thursday, 2/27/03 - I got my income tax refund a
week ago, bought an X-Box game system, and I've been busy playing Halo
for the past several days. I poked around on a Halo web site and got the
idea for the graphic below. Christopher Shields of Dark
Thoughts fame was kind enough to write the descriptive text in the
graphic. It was a joint effort by two very troubled individuals.

Click on this thumbnail image
for the larger graphic... and hold on to your gawd-damn ass!

Wednesday, 2/19/03 - For lack of anything better
to offer you folks today, I thought I'd just anger some NASCAR fans. Why
not? By request, I Photoshopped these images a few months ago for a buddy's
web site. These haven't been seen on this site until now. Wow, that just
sounded like an Inside Edition "exclusive!" Enjoy...

Tuesday, 2/18/03 - This past weekend, I saw the
movie "Daredevil."
I would describe it as a cross between Batman and Spider-Man, but not
quite as good as either.

In
a scene near the end of the movie, there was an agitated police detective
who I envied. I long for the day when I have a legitimate reason to yell
out, "WHERE THE HELL IS MY SWAT TEAM??!!!"

I
did a double no-no when I went to see the movie. My daughter and two of
her friends wanted to see "Final Destination 2," and since they
were all 15 years old, too young to get into this R-rated movie without
an adult, I had to buy all of us tickets to it together. After 15 minutes,
I left the girls and slipped out of "Final Destination 2," secretly
sneaked across the hall to another theater to see "Daredevil."
Even though I wasn't wearing a red leather super hero suit, by risking
the wrath of the teen-aged theater staff I fancied myself as a real-life
daredevil nonetheless. Score one victory for Longmire!

I
called the place and they informed me that "Fudge
Love" was a brand of chocolates. OK, but still... I mean, jeez,
what a startling message to put up on your sign.

I turned on the Today show this
morning and they were running a bio of former President Gerald Ford. My
first thought was that he had just died, but it only turned out that they
were leading up to an interview with him about his views on the current
situation with Iraq.

So
as not to mislead and upset any Gerald Ford fans out there, they maybe
should have had a rolling banner at the bottom of the screen during the
bio that read "Chill out... relax, people... he's still alive."

Everything
I saw and heard on the show last night sadly illustrates the fact that
he is a grown man that refuses to face the reality of adulthood. Hey,
I act like a kid most of the time, and wish I still was sometimes, but
WHOA... not like this guy. No sir.

No
matter how he explains it away, 44 year-old men don't call up young boys
for a sleepover. Even if it's as innocent as he claims, it's definitely
unsettling and not normal. The sad part is that he can't for the life
of him understand why people would disagree with his practice of having
little kids sleep in the same bed with him.

There's
no doubt that he has serious, serious problems originating from his childhood.
His behavior and face alterations all point to the fact that he never
wants to become an adult man. I believe that the image of an adult man
that he has in his mind must be his father, who heaped such abuse and
cruelty on him throughout his early life. It all makes sense, and it's
a sad, sad story.

Thursday, 2/6/03 - Big happenings at the United
Nations yesterday as Secretary of State Colin Powell presents "evidence"
of Iraq's concealment of weapons of mass destruction.

Below
are a few snippets from his presentation...

There
should be no doubt now. Let the war begin.

Special
thanks to Jonathan Clark for his contributions.

Man,
oh man... I hope nobody was watching Wheel of Fortune last night. Since
WOF is syndicated, I guess it may depend on where you live as to whether
this particular show was aired. Anyhoo, last night, WOF was being played
on the Grand Ole Opry stage in Nashville. The only male contestant was
a self-proclaimed NASCAR fan, with one of those high-pitched southern
accents, from the Nashville area. Sounds like a good ol' boy, huh? WRONG.

He
started out playing the game OK but I started noticing a slight effeminate
tone to his voice. Then he won a puzzle and went berserk. He started shrieking
like a teenage girl and was jumping up and down and flailing his arms
everywhere and even tried to chase Pat Sajak. It was quite a spectacle
to behold.

Picture
someone doing an extremely exaggerated imitation of a gay man for laughs...
then multiply that by 10. That's the way he was acting, and he was for
real.

Another
great image of Tennessee for the rest of the country... a flaming gay
redneck.

Wednesday, 2/5/03 - It was about 1:30 in the afternoon
on Saturday before I learned of the Columbia
shuttle disaster. All that morning, I had been working on pictures for
another website and I had not bothered to turn on the TV before the early
afternoon. When I did find out, I have to admit that I was surprised,
of course, but not really all that shocked or dismayed. I find that as
I get older and the news events seem to be on a grander scale these days,
not much really shocks me any more. Maybe I'm becoming numb to events
that don't involve me personally.

After
the shuttle accident, it only took a day or two for fingers to start pointing
blame within and outside of NASA. Seems like the space bureau execs haven't
learned much since the Challenger explosion. Safety was compromised somewhat
to keep costs down and adhere to a launch schedule. That's the real shame
of this accident.

Last
night- just out of sympathy I guess- I watched a space movie featuring
the space shuttle... "Space Cowboys" with Clint Eastwood. Especially
eerie was the reentry sequence showing tiles flying off the shuttle while
a Houston ground controller reports on the flight status by announcing,
"30 miles over Texas..."

I
watched CSI:Miami again on Monday night. OK, OK, this will be the last
time I mention this show... unless something else funny occurs to me.
(see comment
on 1/28/03)

First
off, they have a really cute slang term for the word 'victim.' The CSI
crew likes to say "vic" a lot. I guess skipping that extra syllable
saves them a lot of time in solving a case.

The
big thing I noticed was a little detail in lead actor David Caruso's tough-guy
acting style. Actually, once you start noticing it, it's a really big
part of his tough-guy acting style because he uses this "ultra-cool-tough-guy"
move ALL THE DAMN TIME. This move of his has now become the only reason
I watch the show.

Example:
Caruso's character is interrogating a suspect. Caruso will start speaking
with his head noticeably turned to the side, at a 90 degree angle away
from the person he is talking to, and then, for "ultra-cool-tough-guy"
dramatic effect, turn his head to face the person just as he ends his
sentence. Or he will be looking at a piece of paper or some other object
when he begins the sentence and look up to face who he is talking to (or
stare into space) right at the end of the sentence. He does it ALL THE
DAMN TIME.

It's
really funny once you start making note of it. In fact, his routine is
so consistent and numerous that it could be a drinking game... slamming
a shot every time he does it.

Watch
it when it's on again. I guaran-damn-tee you that you will see what I'm
talking about.