going really well…(except that I prolly just hexed myself). Richard is on his annual pilgrimage to Springfield Illinois. The 4 day absence from our lives is felt everyday. Over the past 8 years it has gotten way way better. I have to say this this time was really good. The boys have really pulled themselves together and not fought much and are listening and cooperating! The boys talk about him more when he is not here…but when he calls they have very brief conversations with him. Kind of hurts his feelings but I am convinced that is just their way of dealing with him being gone.

He saw Todd there and said it was great to see him. He looks good and seems happy. I loved hearing that. It makes me happier for him. From what I glean from Debbie’s blog, it seems that she and the kids are adjusting really well to the move. I am glad that I am able to keep up with her and see the kids pictures both in the blog and on facebook. Someday I hope we can go there and see them. Utah would be a great trip in the summer…if the timing is right!

So Finley has started this thing where she is by her food dish and she tries to cover it with the place mat that is under it by scooting it with her nose. She does it with her rawhide too she tries to ‘hide’ it…it is hysterical. I should try to video it. Now with the camera on the computer I should be able to at least get s little coverage…Richard says she is nesting…what does he know. I had her hair taken down to about an inch. She had some matting from the snow. I keep forgetting that she can not stay outside as long as before…she has actually started barking to come back in…she rarely barks. When she ‘thinks’ she sees something outside she will bark…for the life of me I can NEVER see what she is barking at…EVER.

So the snow is melting here and it has been 38-40 degrees the past two days. Bright and sunny with no clouds…signs that the harshness of the sharp temperature drops are over for this year. I am loving all the snow…so much better then the years where it is just brown for 4 months…BLUCK. Griffin and I sledded with friends yesterday it was fun…that boys loves his out of doors. I am convinced that he would play outside even in the bitter clod of winter if I did not stop him.

I have a friend whose husband as diagnosed with Esophageal cancer about 2 weeks ago. This news never does anything but hit hard. They were told that it is in the very advanced stages. I do not know if it is in other places of his body and I do not know what pre-cursor things brought them to the Doctor but I would ask that those of you who have it in you to pray for this family please do so. I know that statistically the odds are not good but I do believe that God has a purpose for bringing this family to this point. they have three grown kids, like 16, 20 and 24 maybe and two little girls both 4 from Russia. I think about she and her family every day and about her DH who is such a wonderful man, husband, provider and dad. Please put them at the front of your prayers.

Sunday, late afternoon…we headed to Oma and Opa’s for a visit with Debbie and her BF…we sent the boys to a friend’s house, we wanted to have adult talk with NO interruption.

Richard would tell you that I did my best social worker interpretation. I would say he is spot on with that description. I worked them hard and I think we were all tired at the end of the 4 hours. I had a lot of questions I needed answered and a lot of information I wanted to pass on to her and her BF. The reality of it is; they are both developmentally delayed, they make very little money and have limited on site support..ie., Debbie’s parents are about an hour away and BF…well, his mom doesn’t seem all that great. From what he says she drinks a lot and has an abusive BF and she is a smoker. I really pumped Debbie’s BF up talking about how he is the man of his own house now and he will have a family that he is expected to protect and provide for. He should tell his mom that she is NEVER allowed to smoke anywhere in his home or near his daughter. I warned him that she should not be holding his daughter ever if she has been drinking. Mostly, NEVER leave his daughter with the moms BF….ever…I think he realizes why I was so adamant about it. He agreed with all I was saying. I think things are going to be very hard for them. I hope that I am wrong.

We talked about various programs she qualifies for being an unmarried pregnant woman. How she can get some income so that she can get thing that the baby needs. We talked food stamps and WIC and SSI and Medicaid and All Kids and on and on…things I had to research on the internet before I could even talk to them about it…I have no social work education to speak of. Things are going to be tough for them….I hope to be able to help them through it some of the time.

We talked about what they need; car seat, crib, clothing, high chair, stroller etc. She had intended on using the crib BF used as a baby. We talked about safety and why she can not use that crib. I offered her mine from the boys. It is in brand new condition. I also offered to get her a brand new pack and play/bassinet. I think she needs to have her daughter in the same room as her at night. Debbie sleeps like a rock…she would never hear the baby in a room down the hall. She seemed to like that idea. Oma and Opa will help us out with getting that. I told her that when the baby is READY for a high chair she can use mine…also in perfect condition and like new…she was happy to not have to buy one. She needs to get a car seat and wants to get it through the police or fire department. I need to research this and see if it is possible. This is going to be a huge struggle for them…I hope we can lessen the load a little.

There was so much to cover…so little time to do it in. We did what we could we set up a date for the grandparents to meet and get to know each other. Oma and Opa will be uncomfortable but I think it is a good thing to do. I hope that meeting with BF’s mom and the grandmother (that Debbie and he and the baby will live with) will easy them into the reality.

What is the reality…Debbie and Her brother are Developmentally disabled. Her brother will need to live in a residential care facility forever. He holds two jobs and drives. He is a great guy. He loves my boys. He is a very genuine person with a huge heart. There is big sis…she has her life to lead and to commence with she is trying really hard to do that. Living in Baltimore with her BF and his family, trying to get her and his feet off the ground. She has already spent enough time trying to mom and dad to stop coddling Debbie. To her credit…she has done a good job. Oma is mostly healthy. She works hard at her job she has had for years. Opa has had a good job for years but suffers back and should pain. Severe at times. They are in NO position to care for Debbie’s baby.

One of the things we talk about at great length was marriage and working together and working things out. I reminded them both that when times get tough, and they will get though, they had to rely on each other and that Debbie can not go running home at the first cross word that BF has for her (she has done in the recent past, going home for a week because things were “not good” at the BF). We talked a lot about holding it all together for the sake of raising their daughter. We also touched on religion because we know they are both Catholic and go to church. We talked about how much harder it would be to go with a baby and actually hear the word. We encouraged them to try to join a young couple group to meet more young people in their area where they can glean more information. I hope that they do, it will be a great benefit in the future.

I feel like some of the things we talked about were so obvious and simple, but that is what was needed and will still be needed. I only hope that Together Oma and Opa, Richard and I can make a difference so that this baby girl can become a productive and responsible person. Keeping her in the safest environment possible. I have no doubt that she will know and feel LOVE.

Off to single parent for the next 4 days…more thoughts to come….sorry for the randomness of these post about the impending baby and her mom.

I have been fortunate to get connected to a great group of (mostly) women who coupon. They are all local Chicago-land ladies and all trying to save and help others through couponing. They save themselves bundles of money and make huge donations to pantries and shelters. I means H U G E. I am so happy to be part of this group trying to make a difference in my own little part of this gigantic world.

I will pass this on to you and if your lucky enough to live in Chicago-land you will like it. The new owners of Jewel do not like the way the old owners ran the company and are making changes. Some good some not so much…this is a good one so far.

Your Bucks is the new program that has started at Jewel. If you go there and register your Jewel card, in 36 hours you will have some awesome catalina deals to shop for. To day I bought 2 bad of Tyson Chicken Nuggets and 2 dozen Jewel eggs in two transactions for under 4 bucks…I earned 8 back in catalinas through Jewels Your Bucks. (YB) and I had coupons for both items… I can go back and do this as often as I want. But that is one small example…some people are getting Hershey kisses left from Valentine’s Day for like $.11…there have and will be many many good deals to made here….

Couponers Wanted is an awesome place…they also have some of the deals for the sister stores and Dominick’s and…well it is worth checking out if you really want to learn earn and share the good stuff. I will tell you there is a learning curve but if I can pick it up anyone can…

So we talked to Spencer (and Griffin) about Debbie’s current status. Spencer did not get it at first he was thinking he was an Uncle…after I backed the story up and told him that he and the new baby would share a birthmom in Debbie he got it…so then she will be my half sister. It sinks in. Since then not another word about it…I assume this is the processing time. Could be awhile that is ok.

Poor Oma and Opa. Opa has a should injury that has kept him from work for nearly 3 weeks now. Oma is the only working one for them at this time. I think that they are OK financially for themselves. I am confident that there is no wiggle room in their budget for a child and her BF to move back home and have a baby. They are over 55 and I am sure that raising a baby is not in the cards either. Especially if Opa can’t even lift his arm from his side. I feel so many things for them right now.

Debbie is so confident that this is a great thing and that she can raise this baby and that she and BF will be together forever. Part of being disabled, her maturity level kind of halted at 15 and she is in her early 30’s. I feel so many things for her too…her desire to be a full time mom…and all the normalcy that goes with that. What she doesn’t have is the ability to carry through with that desire in a safe and productive way. Debbie likes to sleep 18 hours a day. She likes to lounge around and talk on the phone all day and night. She like to surf the internet at 2 AM…

So if your the praying kind please say a prayer that God will guide her to the right decision for her baby. I do not now what that is…only He does. If your not the praying kind…then a few positive thoughts for a uneventful birth and health and happiness for all…

So this morning I was leisurely reading at facebook and notice I have two messages…the one was a note from a friend who is thinking about adopting and wants to go to Glazov. This was the other…

Hey Debi, the good news that I am pregnant and that I am due in April I just did not say anything bc I wanted to my divorce to though and I told my parents last nite and they seemed to be shocked and they took very well and they’re not mad at me or anything so I am excited my due date is April 11th and BF is excited too. I just did not know if I should tell you on here or in person. BF grandma and his mom already know too. Surprisingly, his mom took it very well she been talking about wanting to be a grandma and saying that she will never be a grandma and when we told BF grandma the news she is in shock.

Now, ya all know that Spencer was adopted. No big deal. It is an open adoption so that means that we see his maternal family on a regular basis..anywhere from 6 to 10 times a year. Debbie (her name) and her sister and brother also connect on facebook. His birth dad did not want to be involved at all nor did the paternal family. Debbie’s family, whom we love dearly, live close enough nearby that we can see them pretty much any time we want. That is cool. We have what I consider a great relationship with them, for that I am thankful.But this news, I knew, would be devastating for Oma and Opa. How you ask?, Debbie has learning disabilities. (see post above) She functions at a moderate level does not drive and has a difficult time holding down a job when she gets one. She is a good hearted person with a strong love of life but she is not mentally or socially capable to raise a child. Her parents/siblings are not in a place that they can help her out at all. BF is also mild to moderate functioning, he drives, holds a decent job, and is generally a good guy. His family from what I hear has a lot of issues and abuse going on, making this is not a place for a baby either. But both are determined to raise the baby, live where the abuse is happening and make a life for the child. Who am I to judge. Oma and I had a long long conversation today. She and Opa are beyond nervous wrecks. They KNOW their child, they KNOW she is not able, they do not know what to do. Opa has sever back problems and has been out of work for 2 weeks with no pay and no end in sight. Oma works and is capable of keeping them in the black.

So I will be telling Spencer how he will be a half brother to a little girl due in APRIL. They plan on naming her Madison Marie. So many things swirling in my mind right now.From Spencer’s POV:

-Why did Debbie not keep me when I was born but she will keep this baby?

-Why can’t we adopt her?

-Will she be my sister like Griffin is my brother?

There is just so much to think about…how will Griffin grasp that she is not his half brother?

What if she decides to give the baby up for adoption…

I guess these things will have to be thought about and prayed on that the boys can and will come to grips with the situation and that they can and will understand all that is changing in their lives.

Couple of interesting things about that dern punxsutawney phil and just to keep you in the know…he, of course, did see his shadow again today. If you know the last time he did not see his shadow please let me know because I think it is always 6 more weeks of winter…every year…stupid marmot.

Early this morning it started snowing here..by wake up we got 3 inches…it was a beautiful morning to wake up to and if that damn marmot lived here he would never see his stinkin’ shadow. Looking forward to more snow to continue falling today.

WARNING…TOOTH ‘stuff’ ahead…(DEBBIE)

Big day in toothville…Griffin had broken a tooth when he was about 15 months old. We went right to the dentist and she said it seemed everything would be ok. It was until about a week ago..we noticed a small abscess on the gum. So this morning Griffin had that tooth pulled. Yep…5 years old and missing an upper front tooth…prolly going to be a space for about another year but the good news is that the bottom two teeth are wiggly… yep…wiggly and getting looser..so there is hope yet…so this is our very last First tooth fairy visit 😦 kinda sad for mom and dad.