NEVER LEAN ON THE WEIRD – Happy Guy Fawkes Day! – A festive Discordian sermon from The Good Reverend Roger

Humans.

Just look at them. They are unbalanced. They oscillate. It is impossible to keep any number of humans in a rational state. They wobble off to the left or the right so far that, when you finally locate them, they’re standing there wearing nothing but a pair of rubber boots and a colostomy bag for a shower hat.

They need to be managed. Problem is, who is here to do the managing? MORE humans, who are every bit as fucked up as the humans who they’re supposed to be managing. And that’s how we roll here on Earth, the stupid leading the blind, and they’ll kill you for pointing that little fact out.

Humans vaguely realize this, and have come up with a few strategies to deal with it. None ever worked of course, because – again – “humans”. They come up with “utopias”, where they assume everything will go well if they can just get enough of the same kind of monkeys, jam them all in one place, and then expel or kill the ones that just can’t do it right. Sure, they start OUT okay…But so did the French Revolution. And within just a couple of weeks, they went from trying to form a republic, to “sneezing into the basket”, just as soon as someone got around to denouncing them.

The reason why this happens is hardwired right into the human brain. There’s a circuit in there that reacts to rules by grabbing a big fucking rock and mashing the rulers in the forehead with it. Of course, today, not a lot of face-mashing occurs, which is kind of a shame, but instead the monkeys in question just get weird. Smash humans down, and if they realize it’s occurring, they just sort of squish out the sides. It’s really the only redeeming feature they have.

We, brothers and sisters, squish out the sides, even if we DON’T know it’s going on, and sometimes even when it ISN’T going on. We have been blessed with the fact that our “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO” circuit is stuck in the ON position. We were born wrong, and that’s alright. We are not oppressed, because we grab that rock and start face-mashing. Not that we won’t COMPLAIN about the oppression, mind you, or even DREAM of SHUTTING UP about it. It’s not our way.

Our way is to assume that the default position of society is “telling us what”, and so we have that rock more or less glued to our hand. The reallyfunny part about this is that society couldn’t function without us. Unless you want to live in, say, North Korea. But we do not live in North Korea. No.

So for us, speed limits are basically just “advice”, laws are meant to be laughed at, and the alpha-male monkeys in congress and the board room are there to be poked, ridiculed, and shat upon, should ANY opportunity arrive. And the TRUE MUTANT doesn’t care as to WHICH of the so-called “sides” these monkeys belong. There isn’t any actual difference, on any practical level, because BOTH sides actually say the same thing:

“SHUT UP and help us build the Perfect State™.”

What they don’t know, or perhaps never even considered, is patently obvious to us…The Perfect State™ is the perfect NIGHTMARE. Life on this ball of mud is hard enough already without same collection of brain-damaged primates dreaming up abitrary and nonsensical rules. The part that makes me giggle all night long is that they are doing it for our own good.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t screech laughter at them when they do this sort of shit. No, while I disagree entirely with using the force of the alledged “government” to shut people up, I DO believe in allowing society itself to heckle the offender at will. It’s only free speech if EVERYONE gets to legally run their mouth, isn’t it?

THE MOMENT YOU TRY TO USE THE LAW TO SHUT PEOPLE UP, YOU HAVE JOINED THE PRIMATES IN THEIR ENDLESS BISCUIT GAME.

THE MOMENT YOU STOP POINTING AND LAUGHING AT THE HUMANS, YOU HAVE TACITLY AGREED TO THEIR RULES.

EVERY TIME YOU WALK ON BY WHEN BULLSHIT IS OCCURING, YOU HAVE SILENTLY VOTED FOR THE BULLSHIT IN QUESTION.

Needless to say, when you DON’T walk on by, when you point and holler “WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT”, you ARE going to piss a bunch of people off. Mostly, you will piss off the people who most desperately NEED to be pissed off. Everyone needs to be pissed off once in a while, but some people are DESPERATE for it.