Uh, say: on the topic of DNA Pizza, there's something I've been meaning to ask.

I'd like to direct your attention to the DNA Pizza menu, in particular the section labeled 'Drinks.' It's often the case that when someone orders a slice of pizza, they're going to want a drink to go with it, especially when it comes out of the oven hot enough to trigger nuclear fusion. The least expensive options are the fountain drinks, conveniently displayed right at the top of the list. And a robust selection it is indeed. However, they all have one thing in common: they're all carbonated. (At least, as far as I can tell: there's one selection that's ambiguously described only as 'orange.' Perhaps customers who ask for it are given really strong drugs that allow them to taste colors. I'm pretty sure it just means orange soda though.)

See, here's the thing: I never got the hang of soda. I gave it a fair shot, but it just didn't work out. Maybe back when I was a kid in school, I was absent on the day they took everyone aside and said: "Okay, here's the secret to enjoying carbonated beverages." Whatever the case, to me soda is just something that burns my throat going down and makes me belch more than I care to afterward. I know that Coke and Pepsi are practically considered part of the food pyramid by most USAans, but given the choice, I'd rather have something else.

"Well gee Bill," I can hear you say, in a condescending tone, "we've got stuff that's not carbonated too."

Well, technically that's true. You have two whole choices: water and "Sports Drinks," namely Gatorade. But bottled water is a $1.00 more than the fountain drinks, and is a bland way to wash down a slice of pizza. And the Gatorade costs $3.00 more than the fountain drinks.

(At this point I'm sure somebody will say: "But it has electrolytes!" Don't do that. just don't. It would be bad. Like, "crossing the streams" bad.)

So, for the benefit of us weirdos who just don't care for fizzy lifting drinks, would it be possible to add something non-carbonated to the fountain drink line-up? Lemonade? Iced tea? Grape drank? Or how about a cheaper alternative to Gatorade? (Vitamin Water?) As it is now, a slice and a bottle of Gatorade can easily run me over $10. I know it's not cheap to run a business in this town, but that seems a little excessive.