Summer So Sucks

Ok – not that I want to state the fucking obvious but, Jesus, the weather over here sucks the big one.

Any of you out there lucky enough to live in a place where the sun shines – basically in any other country apart from here – check this out if you don’t believe me. Here’s what it’s going to be like in London for the next five days:

Fuck’s sake.

Oh, and when there’s a small piece of sun poking out like that, it usually means literally no more than a blink’s worth, so make sure you keep your eyes open all day or you might just miss it.

There are two main issues for the pigeon when London is having the shittest summer on record, the first is boredom. Me and Mart have been mainly ledgebound for weeks now playing pointless games like eye-spy. It’s also been quite windy lately which means, even when we do leave the ledge, flying anywhere demanding either distance or height is a total pain in the arse. This results in us staying in and around the Soho area. The biggest excitement of our day yesterday, for example, was finding the better half of an upturned bagel on Compton Street. Kid you not.

The second issue, and I’ve definitely noticed a sharp increase in this, is depression. Apart from it being an almost inevitable conclusion to prolonged periods of boredom, there’s a chemical reason for it too – a lack of fucking sunshine meaning absolutely no intake of Vitamin D.

Here is the all-too familiar stance of a pigeon in the midst of what looks like quite a deep depression:

Not good.

So, I decided to look up the foods that contain Vitamin D. See if we can’t top it up that way.

Here’s the list.

Herring

Catfish

Salmon

Mackerel

Sardines

Tuna

Eel

Sadly, most of these are pretty impossible for the pigeon to find naturally discarded on the street, especially ‘Catfish’, whatever the scary fuck that is. So – any of you out there happen to be munching on a tuna sarni – spare a thought for all the depressed pigeons out there, and leave us some of the fucking tuna.

[…] What a month. Jesus. Sorry for the lack of posts but, unlike me though it is, I couldn’t be arsed. Not sure why, but this year the whole stinking month really got to me. Asking around, it got to most of us. I’ve written before about the emotional issues associated with a lack of Vitamin D. Remember a couple of summers ago when there was no sun whatsoever? […]