Phone Call? What Phone Call?

Okay…I seriously can’t be the only one out there right that doesn’t like talking on the phone, right?

I mean, I have been putting off calling an old friend who sent me her number and said “call me”. She even has some important information and I STILL haven’t called her. It’s been like 5 days now…

I used to love talking on the phone until…

I became a mother.

True story.

After I became a mother, I cringe every time the phone rings and most of the time, I just ignore it. Doesn’t matter who it is…

I’m pretty sure everything thinks that I don’t like them, and that really isn’t the case. Before you pick up your phone to call me, you should probably ask yourself, “Is this textable?”

If you don’t have kids, or your kids are grown and out of the house, or you are just one of those people that LOVE to talk on the phone, then I believe you are an alien or just one of the select few that still take pleasure in the luxury.

I’m not sure what possess people to ask you the next time they see you, “Why didn’t you answer my call the other day?”

Like, do I need a reason? I find myself coming up with all these crazy excuses and stories as to why I didn’t answer and then I realize I should just be blunt and tell it like it is. I do that with everything else, why not with phone calls.

So here you have it; the reason us mom’s don’t answer the phones anymore and why you really should just text us.

First, to be honest…I don’t have much to talk about.

I’m a homebody. My life is hardly eventful. I cook, clean, do laundry and eat. I can’t see talking to anyone on the phone for 20+ minutes about that. If I get a wild hair up my butt, I go for a hike. And if I’m super lucky, once every so many months Bryce and I get a weekend to ourselves. Like I said…not much to talk about.

There never is a good time to talk on the phone.

The only “good” time for me to make a phone call to just chat with someone, would have to be before the sun came up or after the kids go to bed. And neither of those is an option. I can barely get up at 6am to workout, put my face on and help the kids get ready for school much less get up even earlier to wake someone else up from their slumber just to chat. And once the kids are finally in bed…I’m getting in bed. But your kids are in school you say. Yes, you are correct but while my kids are at school, I’m stuffing my face with taco’s, taking the dog for a run to burn off said tacos, and then tackling the mile long list of shit to do before everyone gets home. Once everyone is home…it’s just pure chaos.

Talking on the phone with kids is like talking to a mental patient or to someone with Tourette’s.

Literally. You could be having a nice conversation and then bust out with some total nonsense. Rest assured though that if you were in my home at that time, it would make perfect sense. But since you aren’t, you have no idea why I just said “don’t squeeze too hard or it’s going to squirt all over you.”.

…….we’re talking about GoGurts here.

I’m too caught in my own chaos, to really ask about yours.

Sorry, but it’s the truth. It’s not that I don’t care, because I do. I’m just a hot mess all of the time. Juggling homework, housework and chauffeuring to different places everyday of the week. Children (big and little) have to be cared for and dinner has to be made. Most of the time, I don’t even know what I’m making for dinner until 5 minutes before I have to start making it. I just can’t keep my shit together for more than 10 minutes. It’s okay, I roll with it and everyone is still alive so we’re doing good there. Kudo’s to all you mothers out there who are rocking this mom thing flawlessly. I admire you. Just forgive me, if I don’t answer your calls.

Texts are just sweet and to the point.

Everything that I have to say about my day could literally be summed up and thrown into a 3 sentence text. I’m not sure how many times I have taken a phone call that started out like it was going to be just a couple minutes and then turned into a 45 minutes. Literally by the time I remembered I had thrown green beans in a pot, they had evaporated, blackened the bottom, filled my house with smoke that won’t leave and I’m in need of a beer. It’s just the way it goes. Did I mention during those 45 minutes, I had answered 35 questions, listened to 20 different stories about legos and found 16 different toys and nobody noticed the haze in the house?

So don’t feel bad if I never answer the phone when you call. It’s not that I’m ignoring you. It’s mostly because I’m refereeing a WWE match in the living room and the dog is going crazy at the window. I think there is only 4-5 people that I will actually talk on the phone with because it’s usually a quick question or it’s someone that is so busy she doesn’t have time for me. So when she does call me, I better answer the damn phone otherwise I won’t hear from her for another 4 months.

Don’t take it personal if your mom friends don’t like talking on the phone. They just hardly ever have a quite moment to chat, and when they do, they are trying to get dried snot out of their hair.