As part of my apparently infinite optimism about dating, despite my matching infinite complaining about it, I leave no stone unturned in terms of where I search (except for, you know, actually in person because that’s just weird).

So on occasion, I’ll post very specific personal ads on Craigslist. Yes, most responses are duds (“Are you real?” “Hi” “Send pic”), most are flakes, and I get the occasional dick pic and rant against my “LAZY LIBERAL” ways.

I randomly posted one early Saturday morning and found out that a post that early 1) means my ad still has not been flagged, and 2) I got the interest of the senior crowd.

This was the first response I got, three different emails from the same guy in fairly quick succession.

Oh gosh that sounds nice. Maybe it will work but I guess you would need to feel attracted to me. I’ll send a pic and promise I won’t seduce you until your in my arms.

Umm, thanks but no thanks.

I should apologize dear. I’m just a uberhorny grandpa that is missing the fun life has to offer us. A real relationship with you is a fantasy for me. I better go but If you ever want some friendly guy company my name is——

Advertisement

Awwww :( Thanks for the apology, and I feel slightly sorry for you now...but still no thanks.

I’d be really happy seducing you and being what I can be for you. I’m also a professional and employed. I work from home and am self schedulded. You can contact me anytime you crave the attention.

Annnnnnd...now you ruined it.

And I sent a dic pick back to another guy who sent me one unsolicited. Normal day on CL.