After my defense, I transitioned from working 4 10s to working every other Friday. That change has worn me out. It seems like I am always working Friday or preparing to work a Friday. Or going to the dentist.

Between post-dissertation exhaustion and the job application process, I did not do much else. It has been hot, I have been starting to declutter, the Dude lost his job, our dog died. There has been a lot of driving, between the commute, the trips to my university (300+ miles each way), and kid delivery.

In the PNW, summer doesn’t really start until July 4th, and last through part of September, so all is not lost.

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I start my new job on July 30th. Hopefully things will smooth out accordingly.

A dear friend and her dear beau and their dear lapin are coming for a visit this weekend. And I have a grad party planned. So there are things to look forward to.

I am pressing this issue for a reason that I don’t really talk about. I get this weird summer depression sometimes. The winters are so long and grey and dark here that I feel like I MUST maximize summer!!

But the reality is that heat makes me sick, and I can get headaches from the sun if I am not careful. Because of those conditions, I actually get anxiety about going out in the summer. So I have anxiety about going out and depression when I stay in. It is a difficult balance. So I have erred towards pushing myself out when possible. And for the past several years, I haven’t had the luxury because I was writing. So that puts even more pressure on this summer.

I am forcing myself to confront these things because identifying them is the first step to fixing them. I need to decide what I want for me and within my own limitations. Not an idealized version of my life.

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This is not me-it is an idealized image of what I think summer SHOULD be, not what I want it to be, but what it SHOULD look like. I am working on moving away from the SHOULDs.