Just Breathe

Holding my breath in the tunnel like you told me to, just to pretend that any wish I’d ever wish could come true. All of it impractical and unattainable. Counting: one two counting into infinity . The heart deep in my chest getting louder. Beating slower. Forever is a mighty long time, and you’re so sure as to reassure. With my finger I trace the rain on the other side of the window; feeling the cold, but never the rain itself. Isolated in warmth. Drowning in you. At the end of my tunnel is what has been promised for years: a real world patiently waiting for the addition of another small fish just trying to make it in a big pond. Everything that I’m not ready for. The way you say my name that makes the realization of this all so much worse. Inside of this tunnel everything blends together. As much as I want my wish, my heart beats a little slower. And your cheeks are a little redder. Inside of this tunnel, where you promised anything was possible, promised I would feel more alive, promised everything would be okay, I feel more nervous than I’ve ever felt before. My innocence, lost. My happiness, missing. Young and unlucky, terrified of growing up. Noticing the look on my mom’s face as each year another candle is added to my cake and I wish I could stay little for her forever. Always her little girl. Always, and forever. I’m scared, but as our tunnel comes to it’s end I know that it’s finally time for us to breathe. Just breathe.

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