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Axl Rose - I am a massive fan of the music of Guns N' Roses, to this day. Which makes it even more disappointing that Axl Rose is such an egotistical cunt with timekeeping as bad as his off-stage cuntery is monolithic.

Jedward - The fact that someone with access to firearms hasn't turned amateur sniper within range of these arseholes makes me cry for the human race.

Cher Lloyd - She looks like she applies makeup with a trowel.

Lawrence Dallaglio - Smug, arrogant, bald wanker who has no fucking place on the payroll of the licence fee payer. Is absolutely incapable of discussing a rugby match for longer than 60 seconds without mentioning Jonny Wilkinson or the 2003 Rugby World Cup. Regardless of who's playing, even if neither team are England. Especially if neither team are England.

Fergie - Absolute fucking BUTCHERS Guns N Roses songs every time she sings them, especially at the Superbowl. As well as every other song she sings. I use the word 'sing' loosely, because she wails like she's caught her pubes in her zip

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As a comedian, and as a personality, I can't fucking stand him. Overbearing and obnoxious twat.

However, as an actor? I actually think he's pretty good. Especially when he doesn't play comedy. Basically, any time he doesn't play himself, it's a huge step up. But all he has to do is turn up on a trailer for that idiotic sports show he fronts, and I want him to die.