Thursday, May 15, 2008

It's a year now since I started working on my masters degree. I've spent just over $6,000 on tuition, plus a pittance for books. I've earned 18 credits -- just over half of the 33 I need to finish this program. But I wonder: Do I feel any smarter? The mere fact that I've spent money and accumulated credits shouldn't be the only benchmarks for increasing my intelligence, should they?

Am I approaching work differently, applying what I've learned? In some ways, I think, yes I am. I'm thinking more about the audience, more about the form of the document rather than just the words. I'm looking at Uncharted in a different way as I'm applying what I've learned about document design. But there are many ways in which I have not changed, perhaps have not learned as much as I should. I assume that's the same with everyone. But maybe I'm just making an ass of myself. I want this experience to be more than just jumping through the required hoops. It's up to me to make it so.

But I will continue. By this time next year, I will have finished the masters degree. I'm contemplating now whether it would be beneficial to go for a doctorate. As far as advancement on my current job, not even the masters degree will help -- there's simply no room for advancement, or at least room that I'd take. Who wants to be a tech lead here in the writing group, when at Danny's own admission, he's probably the lowest-paid writer on the staff? (He may indeed be speaking out of the other side of his face on that one; if there's a difference between his salary and mine, it's pennies to be sure.)

What would a doctorate do for me, I ask. Locally, it could help me in applying at the local universities. But do I want to teach? That sounds like such an otherworldly thing to approach. But if I want to make more money and stay local, that's probably the best option. I can always get back on the novel writing as well, but for that to happen, well, I've got to get the head pulled out of the ol' butt.

REALLY? AS IF IT WERE SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

“Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little. . .”

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

“So you can believe the big ones?”

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

“They’re not the same at all!”

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET – Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME . . . RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.