I have had problems dealing with thoughts of infidelity for months now. I wondered why I have these particular thoughts as if I know these people or something. I cannot rationalize it or ruminate about it, which impedes my progress and makes it last longer. It lingers at times, causing me to lose hope only to forget about it. I have had, thankfully, no experience with infidelity whatsoever. To me, it is a mystery. As far as infidelity, I have nothing to worry about. I have never cheated, nor have I ever been cheated on. Some thoughts linger while I can dismiss others. I have this compulsion of doing research on infidelity as to why a woman in particular cheats, how many people she has cheated with, how she felt about the men in her life, if the couple are still together, etc. I have even read message board posts from people who have cheated or have been cheated on. For example, I have read that a woman has had at least 14 affairs for the last three years of her marriage because her husband was not paying her any attention. They later divorced. I got this post off of a message board. It seems real, but I am not so sure. I have been told that I should take the posts as fiction until it can be backed up. Her ex-husband posted this online but I cannot say for sure if it is true. Common sense would tell me that it does not matter, and it doesn't, but the OCD tells me that it does and that I have to know if it is true. How could she do it? Is it fiction? Is it extreme or is it rare? Does it make sense? Sometimes there is a fine line between common sense prevailing and the OCD define logic. I am not saying that some wives or husbands are not promiscuous. I am just saying that there are some red flags with this post that scream 'conjecture'. In other words, take what I read on the message boards with a grain of salt. How should I overcome my problems like the compulsions? Sometimes a thought pops up in my head like "wife had numerous affairs" or "wife slept with half" and a message board post or a fictional post pops up but usually they are nonexistant or few in number. Your answers would be so greatly appreciated.

Your obsession with infidelity is fascinating to you (and now to me) without you having painful real life experiences involving being cheated on. Understanding a woman's infidelity is a particular concern for you.

First of all I want to say that human behavior is so complex that no one can explain the behaviors and feelings you are having without exploring hundreds of your past experiences. However, one might be able to help you change this troublesome behavior without explaining the exact historical sources of your behaviors and motivations. I'll take a stab at that. Your forum should be very helpful to you in deciding what to try that might modify your unwanted behavior and feelings.

As a behaviorist I would observe that there is some reason for the behavior--some payoff, some satisfaction or fascination brought on by the thoughts, some gratification of your possible needs to see women on TV as unfair or unfaithful to their husbands or lovers. Most therapists would explore these situations in depth to understand what is going on. And I understand you also have a compulsion to conjecture about the internal forces leading to infidelity. But would it be OK with you to get rid of the behavior without understanding it? If so...

I'd suggest starting with trying to get some pleasure from just reducing the unpleasant speculations you hunt for and have about why women might be unfaithful. As you mention this may be noticing how often you can recognize your conjectures and give you some reward or little pay off for cutting off the rumination about unfaithfulness. Anything along this line might reduce the negative thoughts and give you a lot more time for better things to do. One might also make an effort to acknowledge the probability that the woman portraid on TV will be loving and faithful...and life will be good.

You could plot the number of "women are unfaithful" at the end of each day...Or "women are caring and trustworthy" thoughts you have each day. Establish some behavioral benchmarks when you get some reward.

I this simple approach works, try to change more behaviors. If it doesn't work, go back to your forum for more ideas or back to me or to my book. Be sure you cite Psychological Self-Help at http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org/