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The Elves in China

A couple of years ago, my sister-in-law Michelle called to tell me that my godson William was learning to read. He had turned five and was recognizing words everywhere. Short easy phrases were catching his attention. He noticed that the bottom of many of his toys held a sticker that read “Made in China.” William is a thinker, so he approached his mom with this question- why didn’t the elves live with Santa at the North Pole? His thinking went like this: the elves make the toys, Santa lives at the North Pole, but the sticker said made in China – how did that work? Smart woman that she is, she recognized this as a “godmother question,” and called me to address it. Most “godmother questions” are way beyond me. I am mystified by the Trinity, don’t know what happens when we die, and apparently have been derelict in teaching William the Act of Contrition. I did, however, know the story of Erik the Elf and the elves in China. Erik the Elf was in charge of the country of origin stickers that were pasted on the bottom of each toy the elves made. For years, these stickers had said “Made at the North Pole.” The job made Erik happy. When he was a toddler elf, which is about 150 years old, he would slap a sticker on a toy and say “A sticker!” As he became older, 300 or so, he played a game racing against the clock to see how many stickers he could put on the toys in an hour. His record was two million and six. It wasn’t until Erik reached his 527th year that he actually read what the sticker said. “You can read!” said Boss Elf. “You might be smart. That’s trouble.” Erik then spent the next hundred or so years thinking about the words on the sticker. Unfortunately, his thinking about the words on the sticker coincided with his teenage years. The teenage years are rough for elves because their little bodies and small brains are suddenly overwhelmed with big feelings and great ideas. It was no different for Erik, who had his first great idea. Erik decided that the sticker should say “Made in the North Pole by Elves.” He decided to approach Santa for permission to change the sticker. Santa said no. Actually, Santa said, “Why would I change millions of perfectly good stickers to state the obvious? Everyone know the toys are made by elves at the North Pole! And has anyone seen Herbie, the elf who wants to be a dentist? Owww.” Unbeknownst to Erik, Santa had a toothache and was not in the mood to consider great ideas. Erik was very upset, but Mrs. Claus said “Don’t worry about it Erik, would you like a cookie? “ Erik sniffled, said “okay,” and bit into a crumbly cookie still warm from the oven. Mrs. Claus smiled her sparkly smile at Erik. And that’s when Erik realized that he had fallen in love with Mrs. Claus. Now, Erik knew that Mrs. Claus was married to Santa, but he was sure that he was in love with her. And really, who could blame him? At one time or another we have all fallen in love with a woman who is kind, bakes cookies, and whose eyes sparkle when she smiles. As is the case when we think we are in love, we do dumb things, like writing awful poetry. Being an elf and appreciating all things miniature, Erik wrote the following haiku: Mrs. Santa smiles Santa loves her, so do I Will fat guy die soon? The other elves became concerned not only because this was really awful haiku, but because it seemed that Erik didn’t have Santa’s best interests at heart. They brought their concerns to Erik at an elf intervention, which is the legal step before Santa becomes informed. Being elves, they were kind and sympathetic because they had all been there. “Nice job with the 5/7/5!” “It’s a cute little poem Erik, until you get to the part about Santa dying.” “Well, if it doesn’t rhyme, is it really a poem?” A fight then broke out among the elves as they argued about whether real poetry has to rhyme. Disgusted with everyone, Erik stormed out of the intervention and decided to take matters into this own small hands. “They don’t know anything about love or great ideas or haiku! I’ll show them.” muttered Erik. He went into the workshop and in honor of his haiku printed trillions of “Made in China” stickers for the toys. Really, all he had done was display his ignorance, because everyone knows that haiku originated in Japan. Of course, as soon as he saw the first toy, Santa found out what Erik had done. Santa went to see Mrs. Claus and said, “They make good toys, but working with elves is a pain in the . . .“ Mindful of the little ears everywhere around her, Mrs. Claus interrupted and said, “Now Santa, don’t worry about it-- would you like a cookie? “ Santa may wear red, but he is really green. He wasn’t going to waste the trillions of stickers that Eric had printed. He contacted the authorities in China, and explained the issue. They were okay with Santa using the stickers, and asked him to convey to the elves that if they ever needed help with mass produced toys, don’t hesitate to call them, they’re good at that. Erik grew up, married a beautiful and kind elf who makes cookies for him and has sparkly eyes when she smiles. He writes poetry to her and is waiting for the day when they run out of the “Made in China” stickers at the North Pole. Celine Boyle- December 2011