So . . . life may have been a little rough the last few months. I’m not great at being all emotional and stuff, and people don’t come here for that, so let’s use an unfunny meme to explain my life since the last post:

October: Grad school is terrible and I hate everything! No time to blog, I got work to do.

November: I just got dumped. (Again. It was embarrassing.) Time to go man-hunting! I hear this online dating thing isn’t so bad . . .

The internet is a disgusting place filled with terrible people.

December: Fuck men. Cats are better.

January: I’ve been kinda bummed out lately. But you know, I really need to take this time to focus on myself and the things I enjoy, jump back into my hobbies. I was so happy last year when I got to focus on the things I love, like writing fanfiction, knitting, bloggi —

Oh, is it time for the Spring semester already? Well gee, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to fit that stuff in, especially since I’m not wasting time talking to those losers on online dating sites.

Not pictured: A great deal of time spent talking to losers on online dating sites. They were still terrible and I still hate the Internet.

March: Drag Race is starting again! Time to think about literally nothing else!

Spoiler alert: My favorite went home immediately. Be glad you missed that meltdown, because it wasn’t pretty. There was lots of crying and knitting my pain away.

April: OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IS FIRE NO ONE WILL EVER PAY ME SO MANY PRESENTATIONS WHY DID I CHOOSE A PROFESSION THAT HAS SO MUCH PUBLIC SPEAKING I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT BOOKS LOOK LIKE ARE MY EYES BLEEDING WHY DOES EVERY PROFESSOR INSIST ON HAVING MAJOR PROJECTS DUE AT THE SAME TIME WHYYYYYYY

May: Wow, what a wonderful semester! It was stressful, but I learned a lot, I’m inspired to be a librarian and help those in need, and I’m more physically and emotionally healthy than I’ve been in a long time. I even promised my friend Will that I’d finish this Fault in Our Stars blog. I feel so motivated!

Time to celebrate!

WOOOO! I HAVE TWO MARTINIS AND ABOUT HALF MY WEIGHT IN OVERPRICED FONDUE IN ME!!! LET’S DO THIS!!!!!!! JOHN GREEN IS MY BIIIIIIIITCH!

Yes, this is me after 2 drinks. It’s very easy to be The Drunk Librarian when you’re a total lightweight.

Right Now: . . . Fine. I guess it’d be pretty embarrassing to make it this far and not finish the thing properly.

You may have noticed that I’ve been a bit . . . absent these past few weeks.

It was only a month. No one noticed.

Okay, there’s been a lot of drama in my life. What with graduating, starting and finishing a semester of grad school, getting comfy in my new job, starting, ending, and then awkwardly Frankenstein-style-resurrecting a relationship, and then beginning another semester left me with limited time or inclination to deal with any of Green’s bullshit. Plus there’s homework, and trying to reconfigure career plans, apply for a new Master’s (M.B.A., if you were curious), keep in touch with friends who are way less socially anxious and homebody-y than I am, and that Party Hard game is so unbelievably fun and the first game I’ve ever completed, let alone “perfected,” and I’ve just been too damn lazy, okay? There have been distractions both reasonable and unreasonable, and things got neglected. Including you, my poor little babies.

Once again, we are ready to voyage into the beautiful and haunting world of John Green, where entitled little shits are treated like the Second Coming of Christ and somehow we’re expected to read the same chapter over and over without noticing.

But whatever. There aren’t any funerals or wakes or Facebook posts for her to be miserable about, so hopefully this will be slightly more bearable. Hey, for all we know this could be a great chapter, full of the insight and heartrending drama that we’ve been seeking in vain for months now!

Guys, I’m so glad this book is almost over, because I’m close to giving up.

Big surprise, it’s a week late again. At this point it’s practically a biweekly blog.

Honestly, I’m worn out. I don’t know how many different ways there are to say that Hazel is a hateful brat, that I still don’t care Gus is dead, that apparently people with cancer have a monopoly on feelings about death, that John Green is either a narcissistic douchebag desperately trying to prove his relevance to the literary canon or a narcissistic douchebag desperately trying to prove his relevance to tweenage girls via so much pandering.

Augustus Waters died eight days after his prefuneral, at Memorial, in the ICU, when the cancer, which was made of him, finally stopped his heart, which was also made of him.

That reads like it was put together by someone who only has a vague idea of how words work. But we’ll let that go, because the important part is that our hero is officially worm food. Literally a page after we had that fake funeral.

It’s a little abrupt. I mean, I’m all for it, considering it spares us 8 days of listening to “Augustus was so perfect and wonderful, except he wasn’t because cancer patients aren’t perfect and wonderful which is why you should think this is the deepest book ever, except he is because I need you to fall in love with him so you cry when he dies . . .” So, thank God for small favors.

But still, is this it? I mean, we have about 3,000 pages of “romance,” a couple chapters of cancer, and then thud. I’d say Green was being deliberately cold — you know, this isn’t like those sappy “cancer books” — if I didn’t think this was supposed to be the point where I start crying.

Hey all! We just finished sending Augustus Waters to his fake grave, but I couldn’t fit in everything that our amazing posters had to offer. So I’m sharing the full eulogies here so you can enjoy the hell out of them! If I get others from commenters, they’ll go here as well.

4 out of 5 read-ologists recommend this WordPress.com site. ups and downs of writer's insanity and day to day life. I will write whatever makes the voices happy, for a writer that ignores her inner voices is merely a mental breakdown waiting to happen. Keeping the voices happy and creating new worlds for them to play in is my main goal.