When Mary Carillo—sportscaster, former professional tennis player, and award-winning documentary-film producer—received a Peabody in 2007, did she think, “Great—but when will I get to do a televised cat parody of the Olympics?”

“I never dreamed that big,” she replies. “Who can?”

Carillo, who often brings levity to her work commentating on the Olympics, is a natural fit as an announcer for the Kitten Summer Games, a spoof of the 2016 Rio Olympics that airs August 5 on the Hallmark Channel. “I’m actually being semi-serious here: kittens are remarkable athletes,” she says. “But I’m not convinced any of them will sit by the fireside in their dotage, regaling great-grandchildren with stories of glory. They are in it for the kitten treats.”

The Summer Games is the latest in what has become an American-TV counter-programming tradition: heavily edited footage of playful animals, who are made to appear as if they were competing in sports. The Puppy Bowl invented the formula in 2005, and the Hallmark Channel joined the trend in 2014 with its annual spin-off, the Kitten Bowl. Like its puppy predecessor, the Kitten Bowl and this year’s Summer Kitten Games espouse goals of animal adoption and shelter awareness. All 90 of the participating “cat-thletes” in August’s event, which was produced in partnership with the North Shore Animal League America, have been adopted—and 1,000 cat adoptions have resulted from additional drives connected to the event.
From catnip scandals to an on-screen tantrum by tennis legend John MacNMeow (“Oh yeah, don’t think we didn’t go there,” Carillo says), here’s everything you can expect to see at the world’s most prestigious and pun-filled cat competition. Keep a box of Kleenex by your couch.

Courtesy of Marc Lemoine/Crown Media LLC.

The Cat-thletes to Watch

“Nobody goes over the rule books with these athletes. They do whatever the hell they want. They are lawless and godless,” Carillo explains. So how were they able to compete so successfully? “They are fearless, and they just do stuff.”

In particular, look out for gymnastics phenom Nadia Come ’N Scratch Me. According to her bio, she was discovered while balancing on rails in an abandoned hardware store, and is expected to excel on the uneven bars.

The Games will also feature track-and-field, volleyball, wrestling, and the most anticipated kitten competition: tennis. What can a cat do on a tennis court that a human can’t? “Not a hell of a lot,” Carillo says. “We did have some kittens rolling around in the nets, using them like hammocks. That’s not something you see Serena [Williams] do during a set.” Interesting strategy. Did it help any of the competitors? “No,” Carillo replies.

Also keep your eyes out for players Pawdre Ag-Hissy and Felina Williams, who, it’s been reported, spends her spare time collecting and attacking shoelaces. Carillo won’t spoil who medaled, but does reveal that it was difficult “to get the kittens to stand on their podiums. We had to point lasers so they’d look at the flag. They are not in it for that kind of glory.”

The Humans

Longtime animal advocate Beth Stern hosts the event; announcing alongside Carillo is David Frei, of Westminster Dog Show fame. Frei commentated on the storied dog show for 27 years, with Carillo joining him for three of those years. How will the duo translate their skills to this new event?

“You might think it’s easy just to go from dogs to cats,” Carillo opines. “But let me tell you: it is.” She does allow one difference: “In dog shows, as much as I want to goof on the owners and trainers, you can’t—it is serious business.”

Courtesy of Marc Lemoine/Crown Media LLC.

__Carillo’s Best (Worst?) Puns __

“They asked me for [event] ideas, which was a terrible mistake on their part,” Carillo explains, “because I’ve got a million ideas, and they are mostly ridiculous. Lowest form of humor? Sign me up.” Her three greatest contributions, in descending order:

Boxing. “Boxing might sound like a violent sport. But actually it’s just kittens in boxes, thank you very much.”

Fencing. “I also proposed fencing, which hopefully will happen at the next Summer Games. It’s kittens climbing fences.”

Curling. “Even though it’s not a summer Olympic event, I thought it would be good. Because kittens love to curl up.”

Courtesy of Marc Lemoine/Crown Media LLC.

The Biggest Drama

The kitten tennis matches are called by a stuffed-animal umpire named Hawk-Eye. “If you follow [human] tennis, you know that Hawk-Eye is the electronic system we use to call lines,” Carillo explains. When a black kitten knocked the stuffed hawk out of his chair, the kitten was promptly named John MacNMeow—after the notoriously hot-headed professional tennis player John McEnroe, who holds 77 career titles.

Following the attack, Carillo left her post with Frei in the studio to go talk some sense into MacNMeow. “We put him in the penalty box, which is just a box,” she explains, “and I told him to shape up.”

This was a bit of déjà vu for Carillo, who occasionally navigated differences of opinion with the original McEnroe, with whom she competed in the mixed-doubles category (they won the French Open in 1977).

Compounding the meta nature of her involvement with the Games is the kitten tennis player named Mary Cat-Rillo. “I did not think of that,” Carillo promises. The feline versions of John and Mary also, as Carillo puts it, “get into it a bit. Let me just say this: Mary is the good one, because she plays with more dignity. She’s not as talented as John, but she’s got the presence of mind to maintain decorum.”

How did it feel to work with her cat doppelgänger? “It was eerie,” she says. “We share a lot of the same traits. Grace. Balance. A good sense of the moment. And someone’s got to keep MacNMeow in line. We had to double-team him.”

Did Carillo share post-career advice with her cat-self? “She’s going to move to the next scam,” Carillo reveals, “which is broadcasting the Kitten Summer Games.”

Courtesy of Marc Lemoine/Crown Media LLC.

The Biggest Challenges

No competition these days is free of doping scandals. “You always hear rumors about performance-enhancing treats,” Carillo says with a sigh. “That’s just part of it. You try to stay ahead of the masking agents and the catnip.”

But catnip posed less of a threat to the Games than did the basic nature of the animals. “I was distracted; they were breaking so many rules. They were compounding them. It got out of control.” In spite of the elaborate sets, animal-trainer tricks, post-production editing, and superimposed narrative, it is still clear that kittens D.G.A.F. “Not a lot of animals would be willing to go up against Rio,” Carillo says of the cats’ bravado. “We’re going up against humans. I’m going up against myself!”

It’s true: Carillo is indeed on board as a commentator at this summer’s real Olympic Games, in Rio. It will be her 13th Olympics. Announcing the Kitten Games is seemingly a conflict of interest. Did NBC have a problem with that? “I’m going to tell you that I didn’t check with them,” Carillo says. “I’m not sure they consider it direct competition.”

Thunderfolds, a Scottish Fold cat, has his own Instagram account where his owner Kate Arian boasts that his fur is “the texture of a well-worn velour sweatsuit.” Here, he waits to be dressed in his Red Cross outfit.

Photo: Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

R2D2, sporting a tiny doctor’s coat, has been in the show for three years running. “He’s so calm he barely knows he's wearing anything,” notes owner Zahra Meherali.

Photo: Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

Guests snack on a buffet balanced on tins of cat food.

Photo: Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

“He’d make a great Jimmy Buffet, right?” says Aodhan's owner Siobhan Moore. “Just get him a guitar and a margarita.”

Photo: Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

“Walking your cat is easier than you think,” explains costume designer Ada Nieves. “Some of them really like it.”

Photo: Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

Aodhan, dressed here as an M.T.A. employee, is a professional show cat. “He’s not all buffed or sculpted for this,” says owner Siobhan Moore. “This is just for fun, he can bit a bit scruffier.”

Thunderfolds, a Scottish Fold cat, has his own Instagram account where his owner Kate Arian boasts that his fur is “the texture of a well-worn velour sweatsuit.” Here, he waits to be dressed in his Red Cross outfit.

Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

R2D2, sporting a tiny doctor’s coat, has been in the show for three years running. “He’s so calm he barely knows he's wearing anything,” notes owner Zahra Meherali.

Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

Guests snack on a buffet balanced on tins of cat food.

Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

N.Y.P.D. Officer Sean Ryan from the 114th Precinct in Queens poses with Tigger, in matching outfits. “Tigger hates hats,” his owner, Karen Frewert, confided. “He only wears them for special occasions.”

Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

Resplendent in a miniature fireman’s uniform, Persian Zeus even had his own tiny fire engine as a prop. “He loves this,” says owner Patricia Trisse. “He”s the boss.”

Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

Bartenders in the lobby wear cat ears in tribute to the Algonquin’s resident feline, Matilda.

Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

R2D2 and his brother, Q, prefer walking outside on a leash than playing inside the house.

A rare appearance from Matilda, the party’s cat of honor. Handler and owner Alice de Almedia adopted her in 2010 from Northshore Animal League. She is one in a long history of shelter cats that live in the hotel lobby. Female cats are dubbed Matilda, and male ones are named Hamlet.

Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

Guests snack on a buffet balanced on tins of cat food.

Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

“He’d make a great Jimmy Buffet, right?” says Aodhan's owner Siobhan Moore. “Just get him a guitar and a margarita.”

Photograph by Landon Nordeman.

“Walking your cat is easier than you think,” explains costume designer Ada Nieves. “Some of them really like it.”