"I've Already Been 'Punished' for My Abortion, Even Without Donald Trump Jailing Me"

Donald Trump has always said he was a straight talker. His hideous statements to MSNBC's Chris Matthews on Wednesday did not fail on that point. In case you've, somehow, escaped the headlines: Trump told Matthews he wants to ban abortion. Then, he disjointedly explained that he wants women who have had or have abortions to face "punishment." (He later reversed his position, saying he'd punish the abortion provider.

Well, I'm a Texan and I'm a straight talker too, and I find it completely outrageous that any presidential candidate in 2016 could be so vocally violent and hostile towards women. Anti-choice politicians have already punished the one in three women who have had abortions enough, especially those of us who live in the South.

When I had an abortion, I was a 19-year old college freshman in Texas. I was in an unhealthy relationship. My heart sunk into my chest the moment I saw the pregnancy test turn positive. I knew that I was not ready to become a parent. Though it was an easy decision for me, it was still a difficult and stressful time in my life. I didn't tell my parents at the time because I was afraid they would judge me, that I would seem different in their eyes. Things in my relationship took a turn for the worse too.

My partner and I had to borrow money from others; eventually, we were able to come up with the hundreds of dollars to pay for my abortion. Let me tell you, having to scrounge for money for basic healthcare is an extremely undignified experience. It's something that I'm sure Donald Trump has never had to do (even with his financial mishaps). But the majority of people having abortions know that feeling all too well, thanks to the Hyde Amendment, a policy that keeps Medicaid enrollees, military service members, federal employees, Peace Corps Members, and so many others from using their health insurance to cover their abortion.

When I arrived at my appointment, dozens of angry protesters greeted me by calling me horrific names like "baby killer." Sadly, I couldn't tell the protestors to leave, like Donald Trump notoriously does at his rallies. In fact, this gauntlet of shame exists all across the country. In 2014, the Supreme Court legitimized this type of harassment by striking down a law that created buffer zones around entrances to abortion clinics. Mind you, this harassment doesn't happen during any other healthcare procedures, only abortion. I can't even imagine a scenario in which protestors stood outside a medical facility, with signs about lost opportunities for fatherhood, demanding that men not get vasectomies.

Even in the face of that harassment outside the clinic, I received overwhelming support inside, from clinic escorts, the clinic staff, and my provider, who made feel comfortable and safe. After my abortion, I felt immediate relief, like I could finally breathe again.

Those of us who are able to access abortion care at all are extremely fortunate. I was lucky. I had my abortion before the Texas government passed HB-2, a horrendous law that shut down most of the abortion clinics in Texas. This law forces patients to drive hundreds of miles past anti-abortion billboards, to endure waiting periods, and to listen to government propaganda rather than evidence-based information about our bodies. I spent days with activists from across the state to stop the law. While we lost that battle, Texas abortion advocates are at the Supreme Court for an even bigger fight to stop states from regulating abortion out of existence.

Beyond those acts of violence, women like Bei Bei Shaui and Purvi Patel are actually already being jailed for inducing abortions, or being accused of inducing abortions. Police arrested Kenlissia Jones after taking abortion pills, and Jennifer Whalen was thrown in jail for ordering pills online for her daughter to take to induce a miscarriage.

Anti-abortion groups may decry Trump's statements saying they never intend for people seeking abortions to be punished, but that's what happens when you make things illegal; people, disproportionately people of color and those living in poverty, are arrested for doing them.

Donald Trump is a caricature of his party but one so accurately drawn that he is revealing the sentiments behind the conservative policies that are already tearing apart so many of our communities. He more candidly reveals the very real motivation behind abortion restrictions: to end safe abortion in the United States. He's made "pro-life" candidates squirm. They don't want to be seen as cruel. But making abortion a stigmatized or criminal offense is cruel, and so is Trump. My message to him: Mr. Trump, we're already being punished more than you could ever know. But we won't be silenced. To borrow from Mr. Trump, there is "tremendous support" for our fight. And we will win.

Amanda is a Latina feminist living in Austin, Texas. She is the executive director of the Lilith Fund, an abortion fund in Texas that provides small grants to low income people who need an abortion but can't afford it. She is a reproductive justice activist who openly shares her abortion story in order to eradicate abortion stigma.