[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]

Leela: It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. [They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]

Amy: We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.

[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]

Leela: That doesn't seem fair.

Amy: It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.

[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]

Leela: But that's the best shot of the day!

Mr. Wong: Is that my ball? I think that my ball.

[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]

Amy: Pfft, great putt, Dad.

Mr. Wong: Okay, we're done.

[The sprinklers turn on.]

Leela: Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?

Mr. Wong: Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. [The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.] They'll be fine. [Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]

[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]

Mr. Wong: This the first tee.

Fry: Where's the hole?

Mr. Wong: On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. [Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.](Leo VO): Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... [The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.] I'll be right back. [He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.] It dropped in! Put me down for a two.

Amy: Two. [She writes down 8.]

Mr. Wong: Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.

Leela: What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?

Mr. Wong: First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.

Leela: But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.

[Scene: The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]

Fry (VO): Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.

Farnsworth: Status reports, Science Officer.

Bender: Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. [He laughs.](Telepathically): Just like Fry on a date.

Fry: [He laughs.] Hey!

Leela: Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.

Farnsworth: Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. [He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?

[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]

Announcer: Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!

Farnsworth: Oh, hell! [He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]

[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]

Leela: It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.

Fry: Except in Kansas.

Bender: But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?

Farnsworth: Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.

Leela: That beautiful violet star?

Farnsworth: It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.

Fry: Yo, that's messed up.

Leela: There won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?

Farnsworth: Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.

Bender: Yeah. Life, schmife.

Clip Board: [Farnsworth checks an option.] Approved for demolition.

Leela: It's you and me, ponytail. [He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]

[Scene: Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Nixon's head pulls up in a limo.]

[The headless body of Agnew, Nixon and Mr. Wong are playing mini-golf. Agnew is putting.]

Nixon: Just give it a light tap, Agnew. [Agnew pulls his club up high.] No, no, no, just a light...

[Agnew grunts and sends the ball hurtling away from the tee. Cut to Zoidberg on a diving board high above a pool.]

Zoidberg: Now for a triple clam dip, with a double - [The ball smashes into his head and knocks him on his back.] OW! [He falls off the diving board and lands on the concrete surrounding the pool.] OW!

Feministas: Shut up and hear our wisdom. Save the ecosystem. Shut up and hear our wisdom!

Nixon: What gives, Wong? You said no chicks allowed.

[Agnew growls.]

Frida: We are the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you...What was it again?

Leela: We will not let you implode the violet dwarf star at galactic coordinates 167.84, -58.03, mark 948.

Mr. Wong: Already approved, you cackling hens. So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.

Leela: I'd like to see him try.

Nixon: Me, too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.

[Agnew breaks his club in half and wanders toward the women. Leela bumps into a parked golf cart and causes it to roll down a hill, toward Agnew.]

Nixon: Runaway golf cart!

Leela: Look out, Agnew!

[Agnew tries to dodge the cart, but it follows his movements and runs him over.]

Nixon: Whoa!

Mr. Wong: Aah!

Leela: Is... is he okay?

Mr. Wong: No pulse.

Nixon: They killed the headless remains of Agnew. Arrest them!

Frida: All Feministas she-vacuate the premises. I mean "femises."

[The Feministas run away and the presidential guards chase after them. One drives the limo over Agnew's body.]

[Scene: Planet Express Lounge. Nixon is on TV.]

Nixon: My fellow Earthicans, these eco-crooks will face the maximum sentence. For killing a headless torso, that's six weeks.

Bender: Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.

Fry: Leela's not a killer, and she's not some chick. She's the chick I love. And don't tell her I called her a chick, or she'll kill me.

[Scene: A hover-copter flows over the city with search lights. The Feministas are hiding in a building with the sign "Eco-Feminist Reading Room" in the window. When the spotlight passes over it, a Feminista switches it to "Something even less popular."]

Frida (through her megaphone): Everyone stay absolutely quiet!

Feminista: That thing's on. Shh!

Feminista: Turn it off!

Frida (through megaphone): Oh, sorry.

Frida: How do you turn it off?

Frida (through megaphone): There. Did that do it?

OTHERS: No. Stop it. Shut up.

Frida: Here's the button here. [An alarm starts wailing from the megaphone.](Through megaphone): And I think I... Now I got it.

[The megaphone squeals with feedback.]

Leela: Let me give you a hand.

[She pushes a button and it turns off. Frida "shushes" her.]

Frida: This is awful. I never meant for our protest to have any effect.

Trixie: Maybe we should just surrender and serve our six weeks in jail.

Leela: That's crazy. We've done nothing wrong, other than killing and dismembering the vice-president. We need to make a choice, sisters. We can either keep pestering criminals like Leo Wong with silly slogans...

ALL: Yeah. Let's do that.

Leela: Actually, I meant that to be the less preferable alternative. We can either chant slogans or we can take action.

Dixie: What was the first choice again?

Leela: I choose to save the environment by sabotaging Leo Wong's golf course. Who's with me?

Hutch: It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you.

Fry: Okay. Here goes.

[Fry removes his hat and is bottled by Hutch. Hutch walks over to a dumpster, knocks twice and it mechanically opens. There is a bright light emitted from it. He throws Fry's limp body in and follows. The lid closes as he gets in. Cut to Fry waking up on a mattress.]

Fry: Where are you? And me?

Hutch: The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro.

ALL: Welcome, bro.

Hutch: Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you.

Fry: Yeah, I get that a lot.

Hutch: The Grand Curator will tell you more.

Fry: Take me to him.

[He is the man behind Hutch.]

Nine: Hey, man.

Fry: Hey.

Nine: So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk.

Fry: Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like "grok" and "junk."

Nine : What about "commune"?

Fry: Especially "commune." Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field.

[Everybody murmurs.]

Nine: Okay. I'll try. So, like, a really, really long time ago... [Fry motions "longer" with his hands.] Eons ago! [Fry gives a thumbs up and he giggles.] Cool. Eons ago, the life force we call Chee permeated the universe. [He presses a button and a hologram is shown in the room.] The Green Chee generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown...

Fry: Ooh. "Reasons unknown." Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer.

Nine: For reasons unknown...

Fry: Nice.

Nine: ...the Chee began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed.

Hutch: But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages.

Morbo: Because viewers trust a deep male voice and huge, throbbing forehead veins. [They pulse in unison a few times.]

Linda: Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes.

Petunia: I just wish there was some way to... Excuse me. [She coughs roughly.] Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something.

Linda: This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout.

Leela: This is sub-commander L., with a message for Leo Wong. Leo, you're a parasite on the universe, and parasites must be destroyed. That's why we've adopted this parasite as our mascot. [The leech snarls against the glass of its case.] I know it's a little confusing. The point is, even this vicious leech has a right to exist. And that's why a vicious leech like Leo Wong must be exterminated. [The Feministas in the background cheer.] Again, confusing. Feministas unite! [They pound their breasts twice and throw their fists into the air while reciting that last bit.]

Morbo: In other news- [Linda throws her high heel at his head and it becomes lodged in his head.]

Linda: Feministas unite!

[Scene: Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Mr. Wong is in his office with Nixon.]

Zapp Brannigan: Zapp Brannigan purporting for duty. For the love of God, Kif, less piccolo, more fife.

[Kiff is playing many instruments as a one-man band. He sighs at Zapp's demand.]

Nixon: Report, Brannigan.

Zapp: Mr. President, I failed to identify these curvaceous banditas despite hours of staring at their dossiers. [There is a picture of Leela from behind on the cover of the file folder.] Yet, I seemed to have stroked myself upon good luck, for a patriot of the highest order has volunteered to lead us to them.

[Kif performs a drum roll and Bender walks into the room.]

Bender: Hey-oh!

[Kif blows into the trumpet, producing a flag that reads TO BE CONTINUED...]