Sung to the tune of The
Candy Man
and written for my one man musical/comedy revue FUNNY GUY

What can take your brown eyes turn them
ocean blue?
Make you six foot tall or maybe even six foot two?
The personals
The personals can
Ther personals can cause you never see their face until it's
much too late

What can take your phone bill grow it like
a weed?
1-900 call my ad and see where it will lead
The personals
The personals can
Ther personals can cause its such a 90s way to help you find
a mate

Calling up an ad is such a scary thing
You wonder if the words have merit
Fantasizing that he's charming
You're expectations are alarming

What can keep you waiting in a small cafe
Drinking java with a list of things you want to say
The personals
The personals can
Ther personals can cause they stretch the truth to try and help
you get a date

Talking on the phone is wonderful because
Your mind fits in the missing pieces
But life is not a romance story
He finally comes in all his glory

What can take your colon turn it upside
down
Bring up all the bile and just heave it on the ground
The personals
The personals man
Ther personals man cause you never see his face until it's much
too late