Wes Anderson makes films like a fine chocolatier makes chocolates. Sady, I watched a badly encoded rip of this beautiful film while I was succumbing to a head cold. It was pretty, but I didn't really follow it that well. I need to see it again, and I think it may gain another star on my second viewing.

I feel like there is a layer of complexity or allegory that should have been obvious but it sailed over my drowsy head.

The soundtrack's pretty good. The acting's really good (Jonah Hill is particularly great). Apart from that, this is a pretty dull watch. It ends more often than Return of the King, and actually feels longer.

The debauchery is pretty full on, and that's a fun ride to start with, but after about an hour I felt saturated in the excesses of capitalism, which completely de-fanged the next two hours of relentlessly escalating depravity.

Well made, and deserving of the accolades it's received, but really pretty boring, monotonous and pointless, except as a satirical cautionary allegory of organised religion.

Relentlessly stressful, but very beautiful, Gravity is a simple and very human story. It's got near-future sci-fi trappings, but it's really just a story about people in a crisis. You could see it as an allegory for anything from overcoming depression to bootstrapping your own tech start-up. It's such a universal story, you could apply it successfully to any stressful challenge.

The cinematographer is the same guy that made The Tree of Life moderately watchable, despite the vapid content. With…

So Emmanuel Lubezki is pretty awesome. After watching Gravity and Children of Men, I thought he was great, but this film raises the level of difficulty significantly. I will now watch any new film that he shoots (unless Terrence Malick is involved, naturally, because that guy's just arse).

Birdman is a story about mental collapse, passing on the torch to the next generation, and the dangers of Imposter Syndrome, amongst many other things.

This film has some of the laziest and most awkard exposition scenes I've seen outside of 80s porn. After the first half hour, I realised I could ease my pain by substituting the word "Macguffin" wherever appropriate. Try it, it's fun.

There's too much wrong with The Dark Knight Rises to even begin, so I'm going to spin this review to list the positives:

1) Catwoman was not just an out-and-out villain. There's complexity in her characterisation, if not too…

A staggering work of genius from the Coen brothers. Every image, every frame and every word is crafted to perfection. On the surface, this is a gloriously tense thriller with nods to films like The Terminator, but if you dig a little, there's a subliminal allegory in every moment.

You can enjoy it without thinking about it, and the beautiful land- and sound-scapes are hauntingly beautiful. Javier Bardem is breathtaking as the cold-as-ice, bat-shit-insane killer. Tommy Lee Jones' small-town lawman…

Easily the best of this trilogy. The other two films were increasingly flawed and overlong, with broken narrative promises and offensive assaults on my suspension of disbelief.

Batman Begins is as solid and coherent as a superhero movie can be. It packs an unbelievable amount of story in with near perfect pacing, and solidly sets up the next two movies while still being complete in itself. An astounding work of art.

I watched the so-called Director's cut, but I suspect that Sir Pete didn't actually cut anything from this version. It's SOOO long. I love that the trilogy exists and is of such stunning quality, but I really have a hard time watching this episode. It's truly a labour of love.

After the third hour of high tension, I just needed a rest. I started screaming at the screen "End it! End it! End it! End it! End it! End it!…