Me: “It’s still not possible. You see, this is a learner’s permit, not a license. That alone wouldn’t be too bad if you could prove this is your permit. However, this doesn’t have a picture of you on it. But before you go fishing out a student ID or anything like that, I can’t accept this for other reasons. First of all, it has expired. Secondly, it isn’t a license with your picture on it. Lastly, it says you are only seventeen and that you had a birthday last month. You still aren’t eighteen.”

Teenager #1: “Oh, come on, please?”

(The teenagers leave yet again, talk to the driver, and return. This time, they take their begging to another customer who has been filling out paperwork and drinking coffee near the front door.)

Teenager #1: “Sir, could you buy some cigarettes for me? That guy won’t sell them to us.”

(I’m the girl whose friend is not a Slim Jim. It’s been a busy evening, so when I finally get a free minute, I grab a cleaning rag and go to wipe down the counter near the soda fountains. As I’m walking from behind the counter, a customer walks in, followed closely by Jim.)

Me:*turning to go back behind the counter* “Good evening! How—”

Customer: “Yeah, you just thought you were getting a break, b****!”

(At this point, Jim scowls but doesn’t say anything. After the man makes his purchase, Jim taps him on his shoulder. The guy turns and shrinks back when he sees that Jim is scowling with his arms crossed over his chest. The guy’s head is about level with Jim’s nose and he’s only half as broad.)

Jim: “What did you just call this young lady?”

Customer: “I… uh… I said that she… uh… is a very nice young lady. Beautiful, too.”

Jim: “That’s what I thought.”

Customer:*slinks around Jim and darts out the door* “Have a good night, gorgeous!”

(While working at the convenience store, I notice an older male customer, who is clearly intoxicated, put three single beer cans down his shirt. The shirt is tucked in, so the beers are very obviously hanging out of his shirt. I intercept him as he tries to make his way to the door. Caught red-handed, he drunkenly holds out a handful of cash.)

Customer: “Hey how much do I have?”

Me: “You have three dollars, but you also have three beers down your shirt. Now give them back, please.”

Customer: “What?”

Me:*pokes at a beer can in his shirt* “You have 3 beers down your shirt, and we need those back now.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *hands me two of the beers*

Me: “What about the third beer, man?”

Customer: “What beer?”

(I poke the can under his shirt.)

Me: “This one. We need that one back, too. Now.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…” *hands beer back* “Can I buy some beer now?”

Me: “You just tried to steal from us! H*** no, you can’t buy any beer! Now get out!”

(I’m working in my family’s store part-time while I go to college. I am 18, but look a lot like my younger sister, who is 12, and sound younger than her as well. It’s October, and we give out free candy to paying customer’s kids or nearby schoolkids. We have a customer who lives next door to our shop; she’s very aggressive and known for shoplifting.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [store’s name].”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, what ever.”

(The customer begins taking candy from the bowl, which clearly has a sign that says, “KIDS ONLY. TAKE ONE EACH.”)

Me: “We ask you only take one or two, not a handful. A lot of kids come by and we can’t keep refilling the bowl.”

Customer: “What?! I’m getting some for my kids!”

Me: “Well, we ask you at least take six and not a handful, since I know you only have three children.”

Customer: “Y’all have plenty of candy in the store. Stop being selfish and f***ing stingy.”

Me: “It’s not being stingy. The owner is paying from their own pockets for the merchandise, and they have to feed their family on the income of this store.”

Customer: “F***’ing b****!”

(The customer goes off into the store to shop. Meanwhile, my coworker approaches with some small pumpkin decorations.)

Coworker:*to me* “Your father called and said to put the candies in here, so when kids come they’ll have a small gift bag. I’ll keep an eye on the customer.”

(I empty the bowl into the individual pumpkins and leave the bowl on the counter. I’m putting the last of the candy pumpkins into a box when the customer comes back with some items. She’s since eaten all of the candy she took earlier.)

Me: “Is that all?” *I start ringing her up*

Customer: “Yeah. What grade you in?”

Me: “I’m in college. I just graduated a few months ago.”

Customer: “Wha!? Nu-uh! How old are you?”

Me: “I’m going to turn 19 soon.”

Customer: “What? Really? You don’t look—”

(The customer starts reaching for the bowl, when she notices the candy missing.)

(While standing near a store’s greeting card selection, I overhear this conversation between an older customer and an employee.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for a Father’s Day card to give to my son. However, you only have two here and they’re stupid.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but those are the only ones of that type of card that we have.”

Customer: “But they’re stupid!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: “You know what? You need to call your greeting card people and make them send you better cards! You know, we’re all growing older here and we have sons that have children. I want to give my son a Father’s Day card! What is wrong with you people?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have any control over what the greeting card company sends us. We just display the cards they provide us with.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just have to go to [another store] then! Maybe they’ll have what I need!”

Employee: “Feel free to do that, sir. However, I can tell you that they are supplied by the same company. They will have the same selection.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I guess we’re just not supposed to get older, is that it?! We’re not allowed to age! You need to call your supplier and demand you get better stock!”

Employee: “I’m sorry sir, we have no control over—”

Customer: “CALL THEM! What an outrage! You are the rudest employee I’ve ever had to deal with! We’re just getting older! We should be allowed to get older! Call your company RIGHT NOW!”

Employee: “Sir, if you just leave your name, I can tell my manager you have a complaint—”