This is a blog of news and essays aimed toward gay Mormons who wish to hold the Priesthood of God honorably (Men) or to remain active members of the LDS Church (Men or Women), their family and friends, or anyone who has questions about what it is to be a faithful Mormon, or a Mormon questioning... and gay.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Here is a link to a new website the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints has created to ... explain? Support? You decide. I am welcoming it with open arms and a disco dance of joy. http://www.mormonsandgays.org/

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

In a June article in Slate by Max Perry Mueller, Josh Weed is presented in a photo with his wife and three lovely children under the headline, "Can you be both Mormon and Gay?" It's an age old question, and one that I have always felt warrants discussion.Of course the answer people come to is "yes, and let me count the ways, names, faces of those gay and Mormon THAT HAVE COME OUT, let alone those who haven’t."But that wasn’t what the story was about anyway, so I didn’t get all worked up. The focus was on whether the LDS church is, specifically, “evolving”. The implication: moving into a position of tolerance for homosexuals in full fellowship in the LDS church.The quick answer is "No," the church is not evolving into a place where it will allow Homosexuals “full rights.” I say this with important definitions in mind. Let’s run over them quickly… If a homosexual is a man attracted to and has sex with his own sex, then no. The LDS Church will not evolve on this point. There is no sex before marriage in a stance of morality. Temple marriage privilege will never be allowed for same sex couples. This is my opinion, though I don’t think it is much of an opinion. I think I was just stating fact.If a homosexual is attracted to ones same sex, and does not have sex outside standard man/woman marriage (clearly), who remains chaste, morally clean as it were, he may have temple privileges. But, still no marriage of same sex couples. The only evolving here is that the guidelines have been clarified in the last fifteen years so that members and leaders understand that one can be sexually attracted to ones same sex and remain morally clean.If this is categorized as evolving, then yes, the church has evolved in this regard.However, this is not what Slate magazine has in mind. As far as same sex marriage, the church is not in a position of authority (influence, yes) but they can control, and rightly so, temple marriages /sealings. And I think temple marriages /sealings will never be for same sex partners.This from the article, “Last week, Josh Weed and his wife, Lolly, marked their 10-year anniversary by announcing together on Josh’s blog that he is gay. Josh works as a marriage and family therapist in Auburn, Wash. He and Lolly have three daughters, and claim to have a very successful marriage—one that includes, in their opinion, “a better sex life” than most heterosexual couples.Weed says that this decision is an entirely satisfying one. “I am gay. I am Mormon. I am married to a woman. I am happy every single day.”Since Josh had come out, several other men who have previously come out as gay and living their religious ideals have come our nodding their head in affirmation, such as blogger Andrew Sullivan, Catholic, and Ty Mansfield, a Mormon father and husband. His comments from LDS Living. Follow...

“After years of counseling focused on his depression and childhood insecurities—but not, Mansfield insists, on “reorientation” to heterosexuality—he “felt healthy and empowered enough that when I met my wife, it all came together.” Like Weed, Mansfield, who recently had his first child with his wife Danielle, does not identify as “straight.” “Why should I replace one socio-identity construct with another?” he asks. “My goal isn’t to be straight, but a man who is honoring my covenants and [has] a healthy relationship with my wife.” While Mansfield still experiences some attraction to other men, he says, “at some point you decide you’re going to commit to one person you love, just like mature straight men do. I don’t feel like I’m suppressing anything. I focus my energy into my marriage.”Dear Mr. Mansfield. I have made the same decisions that the two of you -- Mr Weed -- have. Frankly, and I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but please keep your money where your mouth is. There are many LDS holding ya’ll up as an example -- me included. Did I say, me included?Thank you for sharing so publicly, and may your freak flag never wave.

I took a little time off to write a book, get a kid graduated from High School, grow my hair and re-access my stance on gay Mormons and marriage and gay and Mormons and all of them together -- to consider and compare and contemplate.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued the following statement today regarding the decision on Proposition 8 by a federal appeals court in California:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regrets today’s decision. California voters have twice determined in a general election that marriage should be recognized as only between a man and a woman. We have always had that view. Courts should not alter that definition, especially when the people of California have spoken so clearly on the subject.

Millions of voters in California sent a message that traditional marriage is crucial to society. They expressed their desire, through the democratic process, to keep traditional marriage as the bedrock of society, as it has been for generations.

We recognize that this decision represents a continuation of what has been a vigorous public debate over the rights of the people to define and protect the fundamental institution of marriage. There is no doubt that today’s ruling will intensify the debate in this country. We urge people on all sides of this issue to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different opinion.

Monday, January 30, 2012

I was there in the conference center when President Boyd K. Packer was brought out on his wheel chair for the commemoration of 100 years of seminary. Watching him get set up, and watching the care with which he was assisted, I had two thoughts that I am slightly embarrassed to admit to.

The first was that the brethren assign him difficult topics because he may be not long for this world with his advanced age they would rather blame any harshness or insensitivity on him.
My second thought was that maybe it is just old school to say what he thinks, and Boyd K packer certainly does. The “oh, that’s just Elder Packer.” Has been used plenty to “excuse his brashness.

Getting ready to choose his sexual preference?

I often wonder whether that was said of Lehi – certainly his wife said it in 1st Nephi chapter 5. Visionary it was called. Until he was proved right. It may take a bit longer for history to prove that Elder Packer was right.

I was not surprised to hear him take on “Gender issues.” Regardless of the topic, he seems to bring gender issues to the fore front, and frankly I am glad that he does. I want them talked about in the church. I may or may not agree with everything the church publicly states on the subject, but I am thrilled when it is brought up in a way that can’t be ignored—like in the conference center live to thousands of young men and women and their parents.

"You cannot lie or cheat or steal or act immorally and have those (spiritual) channels remain free from disruption," he said – parentheses added. "Do not go where the environment resists spiritual communication. You must learn to seek the power and direction that is available to you, and then follow that course no matter what."

So far, so good.

Sharing a "to do" list with the youth, President Packer described things individuals can do in their lives to have the direction of the spirit. He spoke about prayer, following the word of wisdom and keeping one's body clean. He also spoke of the importance of staying morally clean and the eternal nature of gender.

"This matter of gender is of great concern to the Brethren, as are all matters of morality," he said.

Here we go.

"A few of you may have felt or been told that you were born with troubling feelings and that you are not guilty if you act on those temptations. Doctrinally we know that if that were true, your agency would have been erased, and that cannot happen. You always have a choice to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost and live a morally pure and chaste life, one filled with virtue. …

"You have ... agency. Use it wisely to deny acting on any impure impulse or unholy temptation that may come into your mind," President Packer said.

"The key word is discipline — self discipline," he said. "The word discipline comes from the word disciple or follower. Be a disciple/follower of the Savior and you will be safe."
He was clear to iterate that sex between those unmarried “members of either gender” is wrong, and “is a standard of the church that will not change.”

Well, I agree with him—which doesn’t make for very interesting blogging. I would, personally like to change the wording slightly, but only slightly, and it may not be an issue at all depending on how you look at it. I will explain my POV.

It has to do with this thought of his: “A few of you may have felt or been told that you were born with troubling feelings and that you are not guilty if you act on those temptations. Doctrinally we know that if that were true, your agency would have been erased, and that cannot happen.”

One of my feelings is that I was born with the inclinations of being gay (same sex/gender attracted, with homosexual inclinations, whatever wording you choose.) I don’t remember ever choosing to whom I was sexually attracted. Most of the SGAttracted folk I know do not remember their sexual preference as a choice they made. Like the straight folk, it seems to be innate. I prefer girls. I prefer guys.

Yes, it may have been nurture—I fit into just about every stereotypical family mess that has been presented as the “Cause” of Homosexuality. If these were my environment before an age of accountability, then is there agency involved? Or is the agency activated when I decide where to go from that point on? Once I realized that I was attracted to my same gender, and it is too late to be born into another environment, there are choices to be made. Agency.

So I differ somewhat in the thinking that there is one cookie cutter and that we all came from that exact standard. There is too much personality and individuality, and we know so little about genetics and gender to make a ruling. Is it possible that someone is born with the inclination to prefer one gender over the other? I think yes.

Does this negate agency? No.

In the first place, I can still choose who I have sex with. In the second place, and more to President Packers point, I may have been given the opportunity to ok any challenges or personality issues that the Lord saw fit to bestow upon me in the pre-earth life. We agreed to come to earth to get bodies and to make choices that would bring us back to heavenly father.

The assumption by many is that our choices and our agency began after we were born. I say they started before that.

A Reasonable Facsimile

This is not a gay blog!

OK, yes it is. But it is also a Mormon blog and a blog for priesthood men who honor their priesthood and wish to keep the LDS church an active part of their lives. I am all three... four. Five?

I am an active MarMoHo, a married Mormon homosexual. I have a temple recommend that I received honestly. I supportthe LDS church and the words of a living prophet. I support people who are gay. It can be done.

Apology for the ad below

Please forgive me if there is an ad in the space below is inappropriate. I am trying to figure out how to block the ads I don't wish to display. They pay for the ice in my Diet Coke

Cal Thompson

Followers

Gay Mormon men who cherish the priesthood and would like to honor their commitments!

Please be aware of sites on the blog-o-sphere that claim to be sympathetic to the teachings of the prophets. Some very well may be. Others are simple journal entries annotating the experiences of an individual with various degrees of success and or promiscuity. Not all can be as wonderful as mine. I hate to sound like the church lady, but chose your blogs and your friends wisely.

And eat your vegetables.

And Fruits!

About Me

I write under the name of Calvin Thompson. I am a creative, accountable, and loving man. I am a Mormon who is also gay. I am married and have 3 children. My bishop is in-the-know, and so is my wife and several of my close family members. I consider myself to be a closet conservative, which is not as strange or as un-popular as you might think, and will be increasingly popular as a growing number of the left improves it's proverbial and literal aim.
I believe that LDS people are Democrats in action - as in they try to take care of people, but Republicans in name - they want to do it themselves without regulation.
I believe that the messier the fridge, the happier the family, but I still have a hard time not straightening it because I'm a control freak. My wife knows I blog, and that I am writing a book – I try to keep things as above board as I can without setting myself up for public ridicule.

"Chastity is sexual purity. Those who are chaste are morally clean in their thoughts, words, and actions. Chasitity means not having any sexual relations before marriage. It also means complete fidelity to husband or wife during marriage."

I order to better understand one another, I think it would be wise to understand the terms used in these essays. What I propose is an Examination for Discovery, which is briefly a meeting of the opposing sides in a lawsuit where the plaintiff and defendant, with their attorneys, meet to examine each others claims and see whether they can find some area of agreement and thus save the time of the court later on. This is assuming that there is common ground, and I believe that even the most cynical of us would agree that there is.

It will be hard to understand one another if you think blue is periwinkle and I think blue is turquoise. I know that the differences may not be a big deal - between periwinkle and turquoise - but I think its best to be incredibly clear. We both may disagree on what blue is, but, for purposes of communication, we will use the terms as listed here - adding when needed.

Of coarse they may be subject to change and/or refinement with experience and further knowledge – and with feedback. Being that this is a blog and not a diatribe, I get to lead I suppose.

List of Common Terms On Which We May Agreeor Agree To Agree On For Sake of Discussion*

For sensitivity reasons we wanted to run this list past my Gramma Ruby, which would have been really helpful not to mention miraculous because she died at an Elizabeth Dole Rally in Boise)

Active: 1) A lifestyle characterized by frequent or various social, intellectual, and particularly physical activities; 2) In geology, a volcano which erupts regularly; 3) A member of the LDS Church who is often seen carrying brownies, scriptures or children back and forth to Church.

Affirmation: 1) A positive assertion. 2) An organization for LDS homosexuals and the people that love them, but not affiliated or supported by the LDS Church.

Sentence: Falling off of the stage was the affirmation she needed to confirm the universality of gravity.

Sentence: The LDS SGA think OGA from ID, WO and MT dress like the NFL.

Beehive: 1) Home to bees, 2) A height-positive sixties hair style which many Mormon women continued to wear through the seventies and into late nineties and early 00’s with a slight revamp; 3) Young woman’s organization of girls who can’t drive yet.

Choice: 1) A decision between two or more option, and often referred to as free agency, personal rights and freedom.

Sentence: The choice for Juan Carlo was to either be eaten alive by the anaconda or jump from the boat into the mouth of the hungry crocodile.

Church: 1) An identifiable religious body under a common name; 2) a physical structure often equipped with a satellite dish, food warming area and an indoor basketball court.

Sentence: The ambulance and two squad cars were sent to the ball game at the Church between the elders and the priests due to last year’s “incident.”

Closet: 1) Upright storage space for clothing; 2) Slang reference to the status of an individual wishing to remain private about his/her sex life and who hasn’t acknowledged their SGA feelings yet to friends and family members.

Sentence: He had been in the closet so long he smelled like cedar and old shoes.

Coming Out: 1) The act of leaving a building or structure. 2) The process of telling people about one’s homosexuality is often referred to as coming out.

Conversion therapy, or reparative therapy or reorientation therapy: 1) A type of sexual orientation change effort that attempts to change the sexual orientation of a person from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. In the past techniques have included psychoanalytic group therapy involving aversive conditioning, electric shock or nausea-inducing drugs, and may have included sex therapy. Today there seems to be a more subtle and genteel approach which is being met with more success,

Down Low or DL : 1)This term means different things to different people, however generally it connotes dishonesty and hiding. 2) A term for men who discreetly have sex with other men while in marital relationships with women. Often these men do not consider themselves homosexual or bisexual, and their female partners are generally not aware of these infidelities.

Ex-Gay: Term for those who have experienced SGAttraction and who, for religious or other reasons, have chosen not to embrace a gay identity, or to engage in SGA behavior.

Family Group Sheets: 1) Forms used in annotating genealogy; 2) Money saving tactics for Mormon families at bedtime.

Sentence: Laverne and Lavelle grab your sister and a family group sheet and get you off to bed.

Families are Forever: 1) LDS catch phrase originating in the early eighties - referring to the belief that temple sealed families created on earth can move into the next life together. 2) The prevalent attitude after two weeks of dealing with the new in-laws.

Sentence: Did you hear our new sister-in-law-sing the Duran-Duran Medley? Are families really forever?

Folk Doctrine: 1) Doctrines that develop from prevailing rumor.

Sentence: Three stakes in Pocatello have been asked to spear-head a pilot program for the Churches new Work and Glory aerobics program.

Gay: 1) A happy and joyful method of celebrating holidays often sung about in English Carols and Fred Astaire films. 2) A common term for an individual attracted to their same gender. Gay has been a widely used synonym of "male homosexual." Its meaning is rapidly evolving to refer to both male and female homosexuals. Some people differentiate between homosexual and gay: homosexual is regarded as a sexual orientation; gay is a political identity -- i.e. an advocate for equal rights for persons of all sexual orientations

Gender: 1) The set of characteristics that distinguish between female and male members of a species. It is often used interchangeably with the word "sex" denoting the condition of being male or female.

Genealogy: 1) An activity Mormons do happily while praying to hook up with a distant relative who has done all the work.

Sentence: Brother The-Hun was a bit disturbed when his grandma showed him his genealogy line went directly to some guy named Attila.

Heterosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the opposite sex or having to do with opposite sex attraction.

Homophobia: 1) An irrational fear, prejudice or discrimination towards homosexuals. Homophobia can take many forms, from name-calling and teasing to serious crimes like assault and murder. Homophobia like other irrational fears is most often based on ignorance.

Homosexual: 1) People whose emotional, sexual and romantic feelings are primarily for those of the same sex or having to do with same sex attraction.

In: See out.

Last days: 1) A horrific time of floods, famines, political strife and food storage eating – much like yesterday.

Sentence: The last days of a back to school sale appear to be frequented by women on a weekend pass from the state hospital.

Lesbian: Term to describe sexual and romantic desire between females.

Lifestyle: The term lifestyle (as in gay lifestyle) has become a polarizing term though used by gay and lesbian people in the past. “Those in the lifestyle” usually means “those who identify as gay", though it may refer to behavior as well as identity - much as LDS lifestyle would mean those living the teachings or of the culture, or East Coast Lifestyle may refer to black turtle necks, bookstores and apartment living.

Many are called, but few are chosen: 1) What I keep telling myself when I am asked to be on the ward activities committee again.

Mixed Marriage: For our purposes here, a union between one of “heterosexual” orientation with one dealing with SGA.

Out: See in.

Prophet: 1) A man called of God who holds the keys to direct the Church and to speak for Jesus Christ. The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a chosen prophet, seer and revelator.

SSA: 1) Acronym for Same Sex Attraction. The LDS Church prefers SGA, (which I always thought stood for Star Gate Atlantis reruns) but actually means Same Gender Attraction. SSA and SGA are terms not highly favored among the gay community. Neither, for that matter, is the phrase “gay community”.

Sentence: ST-TNG and SGA are playing all week on SI-FI.

Sin: To behave in a manner that is contrary to the revealed commandments of God.

Transgendered: A designation of person whose identity does not conform to conventional notions of male or female gender roles.

Quotes, Quotation Marks: Tool used to set apart a word or phrase. For our purposes here, generally speaking, using quotation marks to denote words such as “gay” or “homosexual” is offensive. If you are not comfortable with using a term from the “so-called other side”, then it is recommended that a substitute which doesn't involve quote marks is found.

Sentence: I am offended that “he” just used quotations on the phrase other side.

Straight: 1) A direction which veers neither to the left or the right. 2) A slang term used in the place of heterosexual.

Sentence: The geography club, Straights of Magellan is not accepting new members.

Strait is the gate and narrow is the way: 1) Popular scripture quote used to encourage righteous living and weight loss.

Tithing: 1) One tenth of one’s income donated voluntarily to the LDS Church for upkeep and needed things.

Sentence: Ten percent of nothing is still nothing.

Urim and Thummim: 1) Tool used by Joseph Smith to translate the Book of Mormon. 2) What I wish I had to understand my kids text messages.

Wickedness Never Was Happiness: 1) What Cal’s first missionary companion in the MTC from Macon Georga wrote on his left bicep with a sharpie when visas to Central America didn’t come through on time. 2) Comment made by those on their way to Church when a boat or motor-home pulls up in the next lane of traffic.

Preference,not Principal

Blue shirts, red ties, dark nylon socks...

This is a blog for Mormon SSA* men who wish to follow the teachings of the LDS church while owning their Homosexuality. It can be done! This blog-spot is written by a sort-of smart gay man who is a card-carrying member of the LDS church and hopes to remain so. He will remain so by following the teachings of the prophets. His motto for today is "Many a true word spoken in jest," and he will try to not be so charming.

Mr. Thompson thinks he knows just about everything. Lately, it has been proposed that he may, in actuality, not. He is trying to be open to that thought.

Mother Teresa

Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world