We Can’t Go Back

GingerOhio,United States

I was 25 at the time and In the process of a divorce. Having caused the breakup of my marriage by being unfaithful I was depressed and went Into a very promiscuous part of my life. Roe v Wade had been passed Into law. Ironically, I had been so surprised to think that abortion was made legal because I knew In my heart when I heard the news that letting a mother kill her child on purpose was just not a great Idea.

But then I found out I was pregnant and didn't even know who the father was. I have to admit I put my blinders on and just forged ahead, glad that I didn't need to hide what I was going to do. I don't even remember where I went or who went with me…have blocked It all out. I do remember crying a lot, though, and feeling trapped. I didn't think I had a choice. Didn't know which guy to tell and was teaching so I couldn't do that pregnant.

Anyway, I ended up marrying someone I didn't love…mostly because he knew the truth and didn't care. That marriage ended In divorce, too. I have made a lot of mistakes, one after another, because I didn't really understand the meaning of love or sex or marriage and lived by my feelings alone…and most of my feelings revolved around keeping myself safe. It was so long ago and even though I have forgiven myself and am healed, It's never going to be an experience that I can say I was glad I had. The only thing I can do now that's positive Is to work to help other women from having to go through the same thing. I'll be praying that all of you are able to say the same one day. We can't go back, but that's ok. It's made us compassionate toward other women In the same boat and maybe one of us can make a difference.