scattered thoughts of this chubby girl

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Being unemployed sucks. I have gotten lazier, fatter and I smoke more. I thankfully started to pull myself together. I was drinking sooo much pop. I now have my two cups of coffee in the morning and spend the day drinking water. Hopefully that will help shed some pounds that I have gained being unemployed.

I have been having some bad few days. My boyfriend and I are just down worrying about money. It puts a damper on our relationship because we are both stressed out. I just started my period and have been having wicked cramps. None of my clothes fit. With no money to to buy new clothes. Eating healthy is so freaking expensive. We've been eating hamburger helpers which I love I think with the adding of your own spicing it up makes a delish meal but not so healthy. But they're so freaking cheap.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

It's been a couple of weeks after the big move. I wonder to myself am I cut out for this? It has been difficult living with someone. I sometimes find myself feeling wearing down. Also, I need to do something about my attitude. The boy is really trying and I sometimes lash out at him. I sometimes feel it's for good reason but there should never be a good reason to lash out at someone. I just get frustrated. I knew what he was like coming into this relationship but it's difficult when you live with it day in and day out. I don't know how to make me feel better. I really want to say what's on my mind but I am afraid that I will hurt his feelings or come off cruel.

Then there are those moments when he puts his arms around me and hold me. Those moments when he says the littlest things that have so much meaning. Like we were at a store and he saw this sign that he wanted to get it said "Life is good" He said that he wants to put it in the kitchen because he feels that life is good when he is in the kitchen cooking for me and his son. I think of that moment a lot. To remind myself that this is why I came here.

He says all the time that he is happy when it's just us. That he is happy with me. He says just us because his mother lives with us. She is supposely moving in a month. It has been VERY challenging living with her. I don't help the situation because I complain about her to him. I sometimes need to remind myself that she is his mother that I should/need watch what I say.

Even on here I wish I could say what's on my mind. I can't because if I say out loud my complaints I will come off a total bitch. NOt that I care that people will think I am a total bitch but to myself.

I need to start doing something constructive with my time for myself. I am plenty busy here. I really don't have no time to blog, read blogs, facebook anymore. We are up by 7 am every morning and to bed by midnight almost every day. We barely ever have time to watch movies like we use to.

I think another thing that is bothering me is the job search. FOr both of us. It's just not happening. I know if I found a job I feel a lot better. Not having a job has really made me miss my old job. Never thought I would say that.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

good bye Illinois. Here I am Indianapolis. This weekend was the weekend I made the move into my boyfriend's. I didn't think that I would have these weird emotions. Or maybe I should say lack of emotions. It was a weird weekend to come. It's the weekend of his late wife's anniversary. So how do you feel? He keeps asking me if I am ok. I say yes but I know I am not. Not in a bad way or anything, kinda indifferent.

Since I made the decision to move I've never been happier. I needed the change in all aspects of my life. I am truly thankful to have found him. I have been anxious to make this move now I am just blah. I guess it didn't help that seeing everyone before I left was kind of sad. It was hard to see people crying and sad I was leaving especially since I was so happy.

If anyone is reading this blog. I know it doesn't make any sense. I am sorry. I am just kind of scattered.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

So has anyone watch that episode of Sex in the City? If you haven't let me tell you. Charlotte starts dating this guy who is constantly adjusting himself and it drives her nuts literally. Well I am having the same problem. My man is constantly doing it and it's freaking distracting not to mention kinda embarrassing. I don't think he even knows he is doing it when I try to bring it up to him.

I think it's a combination of having how do I put this delicately there is no way he has rather large balls :) And also with shaving :D all contributes to him shifting. It drives me nuts. In the episode she buys her bf supportive underwear. He wears the boxer brief so you can't get no supportive than that.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Another reason I think I am in this short temper mood. Today is my mom's birthday. My mom past away a lil over 10 years ago at the short age of forty one. She would of been 52 today. I get to thinking what would she of looked like. What would of been her latest interest? What kind of clothes would she be wearing? How would she wearing her hair?

Happy birthday Mom!!!

You are missed so much. A day doesn't go by that I wish you were here.

I am in desperate need of one. I have two more weeks left of work and really only a week and half because I am taking a few days off. But let me tell you I am so tempted to slap the shit out of some people.

I am getting a lot of pressure to have an after hour or happy hour with my department. How do you put it nicely that you don't want to spend my time after work with everyone I work with. I thought about having something after work but with a select group of people. For awhile I was feeling guilty and was going to give in and have something where I would invite all of my department. But today because my temper is so short and I am getting stupid shit from people I am saying fuck it. If I want to invite only five members of my department and leave the rest out I will damn well please.

As you can tell I am just aggitated and fed up with some of the people I work with. Especially a certain girl I work with. I swear she thinks her shit doesn't stink. I just want to put a mirror in her face and say "baby girl you are not cute" My director is giving her all this power and she thinks she is all high and mighty. Come to find out they are moving my position directly under her. I am so glad I am leaving.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I have gotten known for my trifles that I make. The funny thing is I love cooking absolutely love it. But I hate baking and making desserts but turns out I am pretty good at it.

So anyways back to my trifles. I get requested at work to make them all of the time. It's funny other people in other departments will come up to me and tell me how good they are. What makes that funny is that the bowl I make them in has our department name. So what are they doing going into my bowl?! lol Nah I don't mind afterall "sharing is caring" A couple of ladies have asked me for the recipe and apparently theirs don't come out as good as mine.

So what makes me the queen. Well I started off making what I call the original recipe which is a white chocolate raspberry trifle and after that it got to the point that I would never make the same one twice. I was just always wanting to try out different things.

So anyways the month of February was my month to host our staff meeting and the host brings desserts. This is my last staff meeting I wanted to make something extra special for my department. so I got to thinking I knew I was going to make a trifle. But how was I going to incorporate everyones' favorite. So I stole the idea of using mason jars. I went out and bought 24 mason jars. I made four different kind of trifle. Three of them were the majority favorites and then I added a new one. I had to do a new one. So anyways here is the pictures of my hard work. It was a lot of prep work and it wasn't cheap. But the looks of everyones faces was worth it. I had this idea to label each jar with a picture of what kind ie: oreo, chocolate..etc then I included a cute dessert or chocolate quote on the labels. So we went around the room and everyone read their quote out loud. They got a kick out of it and ironically with out really choosing the quote people got quotes that suited them.

My name is Kelly but I've been going by kells by my closest friends. I am from the island of guam but now residing north of one of the coolest cities, Chicago. Making me half chamorro and white. Some say a mutt but I say a designer puppy :)
I am a total random and scattered brain person and my blog will reflect ultimate randomness from everything and anything from everyday life, beauty products, foods, weightloss/weight gains, hair color and styles, fashion, loves, rants, raves. the rest is still unwritten =)
xxoo