DIET ESSENTIALS

Monday, 21 May 2012

The Ignorer

A bit like The Thank You Huffer - the difference being is that you know The Ignorer. The Ignorer is a friend, family member or more likely than not an acquaintance. I'd like to think that no proper friend or family member of mine would get away with being The Ignorer but I'm not so sure.

So have you ever heard of one? I suspect not as I've just made it up. But you most certainly have encountered one, you just didn't know the term for this particular person. Now that we have cleared that up I will begin with my character assassination. Let us begin.

The Ignorer is female. I have yet to come across a male one but then I don't have male 'friends' (see previous post on Why Harry met Sally). She is middle aged. Yes she is an adult woman in, more than likely, her mid to late thirties and beyond. That isn't a given though so you may find a rare breed that is younger.

You have come across each other via child related activities i.e playgroup, school and the like. Now you don't have to be a mum to encounter The Ignorer but it helps. I'm pretty sure I could find The Ignorer within your social circle irrespective of your age, if you are child free or what you do for a living. It might be an old school friend, a facebook acquaintance or a work colleague.

The Ignorer quite simply manages to say "No" to a question, an invitation or night out by not replying in any medium it sees fit. This could be by text, facebook, emails or even letting the phone go straight to voice mail. The phone, in particular, freaks The Ignorer out.

Generally speaking The Ignorer ignores things that are quite pleasurable. You will normally pose the question "do you fancy going...." but you won't get a reply. This is your cue to realise that they don't want to go anywhere nice. Well not with you in any event. Even though The Ignorer is a grown woman she is incapable of saying "no thank you I'm busy" or "no thank you I can't be arsed." They achieve something quite extraordinary - being incredibly rude by not wanting to upset you.

Occasionally they will do the asking and when you respond they will ignore you. I'm going to call this The Ignorer reversal. This is particularly annoying as you've been lulled into a false sense of security. The Ignorer will also question the reliability of your technology - did the text go, did the email get sent? There is nothing wrong with your technical devices. They work just fine.

I do know The Ignorer or maybe two. I know how they operate and they have been labelled and filed away in my mental folder. I can even judge, by the time that has elapsed, from a text whether or not its a no or yes - generally speaking its less than an hour. Occasionally I might even suggest something in the full knowledge that they won't respond just to freak them out. Sometimes, depending on my mood, I may play tit for tat and become The Ignorer myself. They know what you are doing - making a point and this annoys them as their cover has been blown.

The Ignorer is not a bad person. They have a fear of upsetting people and want the 'friendship' on their terms. Trouble is The Ignorer will always keep people at arms length so you can never ever have a true friendship or be able to rely on them for anything.

So am I the only one that knows The Ignorer or do you do to? Now, don't ignore me on this one!

Erk, Ignorers are everywhere. Not replying to one of your invitations is bad enough, but when they initiate contact and then don't reply...well, that's beyond rude. My daughter is a bit shy, but I've drilled into her that she must always respond when some contacts her, even if it's just a "Sorry, can't".

Hi Natasha, how is it going today? I have a wee favour to ask. But don't take any notice if you are too busy.

I wonder if you are a member of StumbleUpon . If you are I would be stoked if you picked a post of mine that you liked and "liked" it in StumbleUpon.

If you don't know what it is I suggest you check it out. It is free to register and you can also download their toolbar which allows you to add pages to their collection easily. It's a fun way to find new good sites.

I amnot usually an ignorer but there is one woman in my neighbourhood who I just don't want to get close to even though we chat when we meet in the street. She has started suggesting we get together at the weekends with the kids and I just don't want to. So I've been ignoring her messages on fb. What do I say? I could make up excuses of previous arrangements but then she'll never stop, or she'll ask me when I'm free. I can't say I'm never free can I?

Thats a real tricky one as The Ignorer is normally someone that you don't mind spending a bit of time with but they're not on the top of your list. And also you would never suggest going anywhere. This is very different you don't want anything to do with her - you may have to go for extreme Ignoring! Unless you can actually say look I don't like you very much and even I can't do that as I can't shake the Ignorers! Hopefully she'll take the hint - good luck!

My strategy so far is to make out that we're not very sociable at the weekends. Also, as she is religious (in Jewish terms this means she doesn't ride in a car on saturday or spend money, etc...) I told her that we often spend the day at the zoo.

My mum can be a bit like this sometimes. Rather than say no to something she just ignores the question/invite. I don't think they realise that it's not upsetting or annoying to be told no to something. My biggest annoyance is with a 'friend' who rarely responds to any texts I send but whenever I do see her is sugically attached to her phone responding to messages from everyone else - I took the hint and don't bother any more. I can't say that it's a big loss in my life :-)

Yes I agree I don't know why women of a certain age think that anyone would be that bothered by a no response. Maybe if you're 12! That's funny as I know one that when I'm with she looks at her mobile phone and says oh that's such and such and then switches it off! Choice. You just know that they do the same to you and like you I never call now x

I find lots and lots of people I come into contact with are The Ignorer even family members (his) I struggled with it for years not understanding why we couldn't be 'real friends' but you seem to have nailed it perfectly here.I carry on on my path and take what comes my way and this way I have only a few but very treasured real friends x

Yes there are a lot about and it seems most people know one. They are a rude bunch and like you I only spend time with people who are my true friends. The Ignorer tends not to have any one special friend as they are incapable of 'giving' in the relationship. As you were Mari x