Amateur Weightlifter Neglects His Upper Body

MISSISSAUGA, ON – “When dudes ask me if I even lift, I just roll up my pant leg.They see that, and they know my calf game is on point,” said 24-year-old Dave Bavilacqua, amateur weightlifter.

Mr. Bavilacqua first started weightlifting as part of a cross-training program to improve his soccer skills.“I was after explosive power and agility from my legs and my core. I’m not the biggest guy so I need to draw some real strength from my lower half when it matters most.”

Dave began a basic routine focusing on squats and deadlifts, and quickly became addicted. Before long his leg routine included holding 60 lb. dumbbells in each hand and lunging the entire length of the gym for multiple sets.

Early in his training program Mr. Bavilacqua bought an expensive step counting wrist watch, but by the 6th week of working out the device malfunctioned due to abnormal and erratic measurement inputs on a regular basis.

“Scientific research has proven through multiple studies that your legs make up around half of your body,” said Bavilacqua, who is now buys size 40 inch pants and then has them tailored to fit his 28 inch waist.

Shortly after beginning his three-day a week leg routine, Dave began consuming exorbitant amounts of protein: “3 eggs for breakfast. Chicken breast and salad for lunch, protein smoothie, and either fish or poultry with steamed vegetables and brown rice for dinner.”

Bevilacqua’s parents became concerned when the family grocery bill rose by $125 per month after their son began his weightlifting regime. “I understand his desire to be jacked. But at what cost?” exclaimed Dave’s mother Cecilia.

After several months of training, Dave found his workouts were no longer challenging enough. It was at this point that Dave approached the same tailor who had been mending and reinforcing the seat of his pants to design and create a state-of-the-art weighted pair of spandex trousers to maximize his regular warmup of running 8km prior to each workout. “I’d like to run more, but you gotta leave a little bit of gas in the tank for those heavy sets,” claims Bavilacqua.

Dave’s exercise program raised concerns amongst friends after they discovered he was unable to perform a mere 20 pushups.They have since agreed to encourage Dave to start including bench press, pull-ups and shoulder press into his workout routine.

Gym old-timer Clyde Johnson, who is able to perform 50 pull-ups consecutively at the ripe age of 66, said: “I’ve talked to the boy about building some upper-body strength. Many times I’ve offered him guidance in building full-body functional fitness, but the kid don’t listen. He’s set in his ways, and there’s no telling him otherwise.”

Dave defended himself from such criticism saying “Why should I conform to other dudes’ body image ideals? I don’t need magazine covers to tell me how I should look. I squat for me.”