Chapter 3a: Dirty Pretty Tings (aka The Obligatory Encounter with the Dirty Ting Brothers)After a warm welcome from a Dong clan member, who greets them with a dock tariff, our heroes enter Bird Progress City.â€œI think I have a friend here,â€ says Five Fingers Flaming Monkey Fist, and sure enough, he does: an old acquaintance from his bandit days called Hui Li Pin. Five Fingers Flaming Monkey Fist has a lot of friends.â€œJust in case, yâ€™know, we need him.â€Near the docks, they see an inviting noodle house called the Fortunate Rest. Everyoneâ€™s hungry, but Settling Stone takes the middle path-- through the front door. Heâ€™s never without an appetite. The others follow him through, and all six (the four heroes plus Fearless Peen and Old Wei) find a table and order a round of noodles.Before long, they become aware of a group of four brash and nearly-identical warriors seated nearby. A melon hammer leans against their table and a saber rests atop it like a warning sign. Three of them mutter amongst themselves and cast dirty looks at our heroes; the fourth dedicates his attention to the bowl of noodles in front of him, occasionally rolling his eyes or shaking his head. Each of them sports a mole on his face (commonly seen as a mark of corruption or bad luck). After a few minutes of this, one of them grabs the saber, and all but the quiet one rise and strut over to our heroes.â€œSo, who the hell are you four?â€ the saber bearer asks, pointedly ignoring Peen and Wei.â€œI am Wang Hsi-Ping of the Qichao clan, and these are my--â€â€œIf you came to Bird Progress City looking for a fight, outsiders, you just found it. We are the Dirty Ting Brothers, and weâ€™re taking over this town. Iâ€™m Gold Ting, and this is Silver, Bronze, and....â€ He looks from side to side in confusion.The fourth brother, still seated at their table, sighs heavily and rises with obvious reluctance. Melon hammer in hand, he comes to stand beside his kin.â€œAnd Iron!â€ Gold Ting says, clapping him on the shoulder. â€œNo one from the jianghu passes through here without facing us first!â€Settling Stone stands and points at them defiantly. â€œIn that case, Dirty Tings, I challenge you-- to an eating contest!â€â€œEating contest?â€ Silver Ting spits contemptuously. â€œReal warriors fight with their fists, not their stomachs!â€ He holds up his clenched fists, as if to clarify his point.â€œWhatâ€™re you, chicken?â€ Settling Stone asks, and thatâ€™s all it takes.Silver Ting and the Zan monk sit down opposite one another, and while the proprietor brings several bowls of noodles, Five Fingers Flaming Monkey Fist wastes no time taking bets from the growing crowd (and Hsi-Ping). Xi-Tong silently eyes the brothers as if he already knows that the monkâ€™s efforts at a peaceful resolution are doomed to fail.Silver Ting makes a good effort, but heâ€™s no match for Settling Stoneâ€™s Buddha-like belly. The brazen thug, so full of noodles that a few are still hanging out of his mouth, groans once and falls over backwards. The crowd cheers and money changes hands, but the Tings clearly wonâ€™t be satisfied until blood is shed. Sure enough, battle is joined.Before Iâ€™ve even finished typing Five Fingers Flaming Monkey Fistâ€™s name, heâ€™s snapped into action. Snatching Hsi-Pingâ€™s winnings, he scatters the taels everywhere, prompting the patrons to drop to all fours in a money-hungry frenzy. He hopes this will discourage a fight, but the Dirty Tings have been figuratively walking all over the citizens of Bird Progress City for some time now and have no compunctions about doing it literally as well.(All the scavenging people underfoot meant a requisite Simple (15) Athletics roll as a Free Action every round to avoid being Downed. Unfortunately, with all the other things I had to keep track of, I forgot about this almost immediately, but it was a good idea nonetheless.)Xi-Tong, anticipating conflict from the first, wastes no time with his signature attack, and a moment later Gold Ting is struggling vainly against the lute string thatâ€™ll be strangling him for the rest of the scene. Settling Stone squares off against Iron Ting and his melon hammer and quickly stuns him with his Subtle Hand style while Five Fingers Flaming Monkey Fist and Bronze Ting chase each along the very walls of the noodle house. Meanwhile, Hsi-Ping grabs Fearless Peen and Old Wei and ducks under the table with them to make them feel safe in the midst of the raging chaos thatâ€™s suddenly broken out.When Silver Ting gets back on his feet, Settling Stone defeats him a second time, using Subtle Hand, as he had with Iron Ting, then helps both of the dazed brothers back to their table, where he seats them in front of their noodle bowls as if nothing had ever happened.(This obviously isnâ€™t how Stunned works, but it was so cool and in character I just went with it.)Elsewhere in the Fortunate Rest, the Five Fingers Flaming Monkey Fist/Bronze Ting fight comes to a sudden end when the former manages to tie the latter to a supporting pillar from across the room with his rope dart (Entangled for the scene!), and with that, the Dirty Tings are subdued. Hsi-Ping and the two trembling mooks (albeit friendly mooks) emerge from beneath the table, and while the part is briefly busy dusting off their shoulders and straightening their clothes, a visibly impressed young woman approaches them.â€œYou defeated the Dirty Ting Brothers!â€ she says. â€œTruly, your kung fu is strong.â€Settling Stone shrugs. â€œMeh.â€â€œI am Lung An-Mei. Please, you must help my husband, Fa-Tengâ€ she pleads. â€œHeâ€™s in serious trouble with the Demon Dog Gang-- heâ€™s refused to pay them for three weeks, and out of pride heâ€™s challenged their leader, Dog Tooth Pang, to a duel. Pangâ€™s going to rip him to shreds! Fa-Teng is a good man, but foolhardy and headstrong. Their duel is taking place minutes from now, but maybe if you three brave warriors were to speak with him, or with Dog Tooth Pang, I wonâ€™t be a widow tonight. Can you help us? Please?â€

Mike Olson‎"In this economy, it's not easy to feed a growing family. So we eat Haunkkah gelt for dinner and look at a picture of broccoli." --Paul F. TompkinsSpirit of the Blank: A blog.Roll Some Dice: Another blog.

great recall, dev. i applaud your near-eidetic memory and humorous prose. (and ability to write at 3:35 in the effing morning, crazy man!)

i just wanted to add that while not using an advanced courtier technique (which in hindsight would've been way cool*) wang hsi ping was able to distract our friendly mook companions from the surrounding chaos by bringing the food that was once on the tabletop to floor-level and finishing the meal with peen and wei as if nothing was going on.

something like: "so what's new with you old wei? [slurping a largish bowl of noodles with fish] please pass the quail eggs [slurpsmackmunch]."

Wow, that sounds like a great little fight. I especially liked the eating contest and turning the crowd into a terrain feature, and let's not forget Wang Hsi courageously (for does the whole land not speak of the courage of the insetimable Wang Hsi?) giving up his share of the glory of the combat to protect the NPCs.

Slowly but surely, my radio show has completely fucked up my sleep cycle.

Mike Olson‎"In this economy, it's not easy to feed a growing family. So we eat Haunkkah gelt for dinner and look at a picture of broccoli." --Paul F. TompkinsSpirit of the Blank: A blog.Roll Some Dice: Another blog.