Start-Ups: Silicon Valley Recap, Episode 2: #Awkward

Contents

It seems Sarah might not have been getting ready for her date with Jay yet after all. She's hosting something called The Bubble Tank. This one's all bubble this and bubble that, like she's totally unaware that the word might bring up some bad memories for people. Sarah says she knows everybody in the Valley so she's made herself into a sort of matchmaker, bringing everyone together in The Bubble Tank. David's in the audience but he makes it known that he doesn't want any filthy filthy VC money. He talks up GoalSponsors to the crowd and says he'd like to have some strategic advisers in lieu of money. He gets approached by some VCs and looks happy to be getting some interest and numbers. Aw, David. We're really starting to like you. But that could just be the Stockholm syndrome talking.

Sarah's done matchmaking and is sitting at the pool at the Four Seasons. Hermione drives over in her San Marino blue BMW convertible with a peace offering. The girls chat awkwardly about the poolside décor. It's a far cry from the days when they'd record themselves going on fake dates with Mark Zuckerberg and Julian Assange. Before she gets to the peacemaking, Hermione gets in a "So this is where you live now?" Then she tells Sarah that she was her best friend and there are hardly any women in tech, so she wants to make up. As an incentive, she gives Sarah a handmade black sparkly tiara. "Omigoodness. Wow. This is gorgeous." Sarah shows Juniper, who will undoubtedly be the only one wearing it. Hermione doesn't have the mental capacity for grudges. But you know who does? Sarah. "To be honest, I don't really see an immediate friendship between us." They return to their old feud with the word "unprofessional" lobbed like a live grenade between them. And then it explodes. "It's about me kissing Ben and her being mad about that," Sarah tells the camera.

There's a bonus clip during the commercial. David and Jay are stretching before a run at Cuesta Park and David tells Jay he's been "running with the gays." The response that we can see David wants is "Me, too!" but it's not happening. To break the awkwardness, David shows Jay the app he's been using that lets him also run with the zombies. In case you're doubting Jay's interest in such a thing, David tells the camera, "He's like a nerd model. It's hilarious."

Back to the actual show. Clips of Dwight and David working. (It seems they're the only ones that actually do.) Ben and Hermione have their pitch deck back in order and are going to show it to Jeff Clavier. Ben asks if he's a hard-ass. "I don't know," Hermione answers. "He's French, so probably." Also, Jeff's invested in Fitbit, so he might not be the guy to go to with a competing device. But they press on.

Hermione tells Jeff that she and Ben have problems with their weight. "Some weeks we're fatter, some weeks we're thinner." The family that weighs together stays together. Jeff asks if there's a prototype for the exercise/scale sort of device they seem to be pitching. There's not, but there's a drawing. It looks exactly like the Suzanne Somers Thighmaster.

Jeff's not paying $500,000 for a Thighmaster when you can get them on eBay for under $15. "Merci," say Ben and Hermione.

Over at Jay's apartment, David and Jay are playing card games. Jay lists his nerd bona fides, including playing World of Warcraft. David says Jay is not just a pretty face. "He can converse." Conversation, though, quickly turns to Sarah. David wants to know where things are and if Jay is sexually attracted to Sarah. "Maybe if we had four beers," Jay says. Ouch. David asks him how many beers for guys. At the top of David's GoalSponsors list is: "Jay."

Sarah's getting ready for her date, sexing it up in a one-shouldered silver cocktail dress and wondering where Jay's going to take her. She arrives at Jay's. He's wearing a t-shirt and jeans and says he thought they were just hanging out. She tells the camera that it hurts her feelings that Jay's underdressed. But she puts on a brave face to Jay. He acknowledges her Louboutins. She takes to Twitter to crowdsource an opinion on his beanie.

Sarah disparages Jay's apartment and then details all the beauty prep she did to get ready for the date. Jay's got a little guilt (not a lot) about this and grabs some wine to take her to see fireworks outside. "It's a little chilly," Sara ventures. Not gonna happen. But Sarah tells the camera she forgives Jay because he's hot.

They're back inside Jay's apartment and Sarah is positively giddy. Giddy and lifecasting from the bathroom. She tells her audience that she's on a date and that she'll keep them posted on everything that happens. Now we're starting to feel bad for Sarah.

Jay has picked up his MacBook. (Pro tip: When a guy picks up his MacBook, the date is over.) While Jay doesn't fall all over Sarah, he follows her, because he's noticed that she's "twitted" him. Yep, twitted. (Jay, we forgive you because you're hot.) Sarah tries to smooth things over by telling him that people are asking if he's wearing a beanie to cover his bald spot. It's at this point that Jay opines that the 24/7 social media thing might be limiting Sarah's dating pool. Sarah thinks it's cool that Jay isn't sweeping her off her feet. She says she just wants to start a family with him.

Next week: Sarah throws a drink in Jay's face for him "date cheating" on her with Hermione.

Chandra is senior features writer at PCMag.com. She got her tech journalism start at CMP/United Business Media, beginning at Electronic Buyers' News, then making her way over to TechWeb and VARBusiness.com. Chandra's happy to make a living writing, something she didn't think she could do and why she chose to major in political science at Barnard College. For her tech tweets, it's ChanSteele.
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