Monday, February 16, 2015

The Dog Park

Matt went out of town this weekend so before he even walked out the door, I was cradling Ollie in my arms like a baby, walking to my car, and promising the puppy we were going to have a long and full life together.

I got to keep Ollie for four whole days. Four glorious ecstasy-filled days. NOT THAT I KNOW WHAT ECSTASY IS, CATHIE.

I decided to take him to the dog park eleventy million times mostly because Ollie seems to have nearly boundless energy these days and I hoped and believed that if he ran around with other animals for an hour or so it might wear him out enough to not think 6:00 AM is the perfect time to play "drop a sock on Eli's head and bark until he throws it and then repeat." On a side note, I've tried to get him to come up with a more concise name for this game but he never does what I ask.

I don't know how to own a dog. I don't know what the rules are. I don't know social ques. Cues? Queues? Queueueueues? I don't even know which version of that word is appropriate in this context. THAT'S HOW LITTLE I KNOW.
I was intimidated going to the dog park because I didn't really know what I was supposed to do there. Am I supposed to intervene if the dogs start fighting or does that make me a helicopter parent? Are there poop-free zones or is the entire place a free-for-all? What if a dog starts humping Ollie (NOT THAT WE KNOW WHAT THAT IS) or what if Ollie starts humping another dog (NOT THAT WE KNOW WHAT THAT IS)? Am I supposed to stop it or is it ok for me to walk away and pretend that's not my dog until someone else intervenes? Is the dog park like daycare? Can I just leave him there for the day and come pick him up at 6:00? Is lice and pink eye a given?

No one ever taught me these things during the period of my life when I was probably supposed to have learned these things. Bob and Cathie were too busy faking their own gory deaths just to see how I would react and so didn't have time to teach me these important life skills. AND I WAS SEVEN.

So, despite being totally socially inept, confused, and out of my element, I went anyway. I had practice dealing with this type of scenario because I went to high school every day for three years.

I walked through the gate and set Ollie down, and you guys. You know that scene from every teen movie where the awkward outcast girl gets a makeover and goes to prom and when she walks in everyone turns and looks at her and they're all like "I can't believe we were mean to her when she's actually so pretty"?

That. I swear to you the entire dog park. All of the people. All of the dogs. All of the mounds of dog poop. Everything stopped what it was doing and turned and looked at us.

I know I'm biased and I know that I am totally unreasonable when it comes to this topic, but I am telling you right now that it was affirmed to me that day at the dog park that Ollie is the cutest animal anyone has ever seen. Because every single person in that dog park started following him around, ignoring all of the other 50 dogs, asking me a thousand questions about him and laughing at everything he did. Two different people joked with me about trading dogs. Even the other dogs seemed to notice that no cuter creature has ever existed. They swarmed around him. They begged him to sit at their lunch table. They asked him to Homecoming. They laughed at all his jokes. Even the ones that weren't meant to be jokes.

And I know this experience wasn't about me. But I felt like the most popular person who has ever existed. And it went straight to my head and I don't even care.

Ollie, being the most friendly, sweet, playful dog who has ever lived, ran directly into the center of the park and began chasing other dogs, sniffing their butts, licking their faces, all of the normal things we do at parties. The experience was going smoothly. That was, until dog from Hell showed up.

I knew he was trouble when I saw him enter the park. He was about twice the size of Ollie and he had hate in his eyes. And the moment he came through the gate, he spotted Mr. Ollie Pants and bolted at him. The other dogs cleared out quickly and Ollie, without seeing it coming, was knocked clean off his four paws. The dog circled him, nipping at his legs and trying to bite Ollie's face.

What then happened can only be described as a "mom lifting the car off of her baby" moment. In a series of moves of which feats of athleticism I never before knew I was capable, I traveled through the air, over dozens of moving dogs and other obstacles, the twenty feet or so, and swooped a terrified, confused, and yelping Ollie into my arms. The dog began jumping on me, trying to bite Ollie's legs as my little puppy clung to me for dear life. I fought the dog off with my one free arm and Ollie climbed up onto my shoulder, trying to get as high off the ground as he possibly could.

The owner of the other dog approached. I expected him to apologize and take his dog away. But to my surprise he said, "if you let your dog just fight my dog back it will teach my dog a lesson."

I looked at this man like he was the dumbest person I had ever seen. And I tried not to sound too judgy when I said it: "I'm not really looking to teach my dog that this is appropriate behavior."

And as I heard the words come out of my mouth, I suddenly had an out-of-body experience. I realized that I was a foreign creature I no longer recognized. If you had told me six months ago that in 2015 I would be standing in a dog park, covered in animal feces, holding a puppy on my shoulders, and arguing with a stranger about appropriate pet parenting techniques, I would have accused you of being a writer for Glee.

The nonsense. The absurdity. Never mind that this isn't even my dog!
WHEN DID I BECOME THE KIND OF PERSON WHO TREATS PETS LIKE THEY ARE PEOPLE!?

I guess I was relieved that I realized what had happened so I could put an end to this ridiculous behavior that seems to have become the norm for me.

So I stopped myself from arguing any further, took Ollie home, bathed him, put him in is PJs, read him a bedtime story, and tucked him in.

Right after the great attack. Just beside himself.

Post-dog-park bath time.

He was laying on the back of the couch like this, watching me work at the kitchen table. Then he fell asleep and three small countries exploded because of how cute it was.

I was wondering the same thing! And if he saw Miley Cyrus perform Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover", which was actually really awesome and not the disaster I expected it to be when I heard that was the song she was singing.

When the popularity went straight to your head, your HAIR was still beautiful! And, when you bust your athleticism move, your hair was even more gorgeous leaping into the air after Ollie; MAN, the glimpse of sunshine on those tresses were shining like a nickel plate special! STELLAR!

I understand what the other owner is thinking, but his intentions are ill conceived for a few different reasons. Firstly, this is a dog park, and there is a certain etiquette that should be maintained. Fighting is not one of them (unless it's just puppies play fighting which is healthy behavior). He should be training his dog properly or have him on a leash if he's not properly trained yet. The type of behavior he is encouraging is more appropriate for wild animals such as wolves. This kind of behavior can also happen if a person owns multiple dogs and one dog will usually become the alpha (although in tame dogs, it usually doesn't involve attacking the other dog). That type of dog behavior isn't appropriate if the dog is a house pet, or in a dog park where people bring dogs from all kinds of upbringings from rough and tumble to..."OH MY LITTLE POOPSY BABY!!!" (that is now a category because I deem it to be one). You can't treat a house dog like a wolf where the alpha male beats the crap out of everyone to become top dog.

Too many people don't train their dogs and think that their dog should just do what they say or act the way it wants to act, and it just bugs me. Although people who dress their dogs up bug me too (coughELIcough)...but that's neither here nor there.

In any case...I don't believe anything you wrong because...EXAGGERATION!!! Not that he knows what that is Cathie!

I had two very similar experiences at a dog park with my dog. Pepper, my black lab, generally just takes a circuit of the dog park to say hi to the other dogs and then is only interested in playing ball with me or whoever happens to be around and willing to touch the disgusting, slimy ball that she brings over. On one trip to the park a guy came in with a dog that was hyper focused on Pepper and would not leave her alone. He said almost the exact same thing to me as bully dog's owner said: "If she (meaning Pepper) would just knock him (meaning his dog) around then he'd learn he can't be such a pest." My friend and I told him that it wasn't Pepper's job to train his dog and we left the park, but not before he tried to argue with us that it would be good for both dogs! How would that be a good learning experience for my dog?!? Another time, a dog kept following Pepper around, trying to take her ball, getting in her face, and other annoying, though not bullying things. I kept trying to get us away from the dog, but at one point it got in between Pepper and I, and she decided that that was unacceptable and ended up looking like the bad dog! She didn't actually bite the other dog or anything, I would NEVER have taken her to the dog park if I even thought that was a possibility, but she did growl and push the other dog away. The owner never even stopped talking to his friend, let alone checked on his dog! I was horrified! Not only was this owner not controlling, or even watching his dog, but then Pepper had such a reaction and everyone who had not seen everything leading up to that thought that Pepper was a bad dog! We haven't been back to that dog park since because that experience just ruined it for me.

I'm reading a murder mystery book. The characters spend a lot of time at a dog park. I just read a part where one of the main characters is giving a detective advice on how to behave and such at the dog park. She warns him about bully dogs. Apparently, it's not unusual...Yes, I realize this is a fiction book, but it could be more common than realized.