I came across a list of Light Bulb Jokes, as in "How many [whatever]s does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Note: These jokes are not "Politically Correct" (except, of course, for the Politics section) so if you are easily offended or if your sensitivities are tender, then it is recommended that you remain in the dark.

Samples:

Q: How many FBI agents does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Between two and five hundred depending on the perimeter and how long it takes the bulb to surrender.

Q: How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?

A: According to the Repair Estimate Manual, the answer is .3 man hours plus parts ... if you can bring it in Tuesday before nine.

Q: How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three – one to change the breaker, a second to rewire the circuit and a third to replace the fixture. (Note: the light bulb is not included.)

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.

Q: How many Iraqi soldiers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. He takes it back to Baghdad for safe keeping.....

Q: How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.

Q: How many Shiites does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Four. One to hijack a light bulb, one to commandeer a jet to Beirut airport, one to hold press conferences, and one to negotiate with Israel and the US for the release of fluorescent bulbs held in hostage around the world!!

Q: How many Israelis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Six-four to storm the room and take control of it, one to forcibly eject the old bulb, and another one to screw it in.

Q: How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it took three U.S. advisors to tell them that it was burnt out in the first place.

Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 16. One to change the bulb and fifteen to stand around and say "Good on yer, mate!"

Q: How many New Zealanders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first.

Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?

Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.

And that's just a sample! I know there's other lists out there.

Regards//Larry

"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them." -- Attributed to Richard Henry Lee

Bailey wrote:How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he gets money, a car, and three college credit hours for it!

mark dribbling-not-a-b-ball Bailey

Well, not where I went to school, but then I didn't go to a school whose team was an NBA farm team! Like the Naval Academy, we had student atheletes. When they played Md U the other night MD was down 1 player but we were down 3. I think that holding MD to less and 80 points and losing by less than 30 points was a good game!

Regards//Larry

"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them." -- Attributed to Richard Henry Lee

Perry wrote:How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Eventually only one. But that is only after a whole team of engineers tried rebooting the electrical system a few times.

Reminds one of this:

The airliner approached its destination to find a thick fog blanketing the area. Unfortunately as they descended, the radar direction system failed, leaving no way to find their runway. They were literally flying blind.

Seeing a guy on the top floor of an office building, the copilot stuck his head out the window and called out in desperation, "Where am I??"

The man called back "You're in a plane!"

With this, the copilot shut the window and confidently called, "118 degrees, six miles. Go!" Sure enough, this info put them squarely and safely on the Sea-Tac tarmac.

His partner was stunned. "How did you figure that out?"

"Well, the guy in the building gave me an answer that was both technically correct and utterly useless. From that I knew he must be standing in the Microsoft Tech Support building. I know the way from there."

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? 2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. 3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! 4. Rottweiler: Make me. 5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. 6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light! bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, plea se, please! 7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. 8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. 9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb! 10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. 11. Chihuahua! : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb." 12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? 13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... 14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

mark got-this-off-the-net Bailey

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, Make the most of it...kb