Driving on a busy street, no one knows nor will see
What's become a tragedy, the aftermath revealed to me
It's a substance split from a jug, on route 42's busy hub
It's red in color with no suds, almost like a jello brand rug
It's left to lie on the road, it should be dumped in a commode
And as I drive my car by, I just ask my self oh why
And still the questions remain, how did this plastic jug get slain
If it were alive would it feel pain, a mystery no one can explain
On that Sunday afternoon, as I drove home all too soon
Did others see what did loom, the perpetrator is the goon

2. ALBINO CHEESE PUFFS

Do you remember when you got a package in the mail
You looked inside of the box noticing to your avail
There was white styrofoam in the shape of a cashew nut
In that era of packaging they were referred to as peanuts

Now they are different, filled with more air
Developed by some company, to which we don't care
All you can seem to do is squeeze them out of shape
You can't make them pop, that's what I hate
Peanuts were much better, they represent nutrition
Cheese puffs full of air, intelligence forbidden
Just maybe real soon, a revolt might incur
We'll rise to the occasion and demand our legislature
To bring back peanuts and take away this crap
They stuff into our shipments, we want our styro back
Notice the snack in the box, lighter than a bag of rocks
You ask just what is that stuff, they are albino cheese puffs

3. THE POLITICS OF PUNGENCY

One day while in DC, I saw the epitome
The bully pulpit in detail, driving down a paved trail
A nations leader who waved & grinned
who knows where that hand has been
A security buffer all around inspecting every inch of ground
Stealing from us our hard earned dough
and wasting it from head to toe
No matter how much power the politicians obtain
In scandals, news of the hour, our nation recovers from the pain
No matter how slick he can be
He won't legislate my rights from me
A disgrace to the office occupied
He bring new meaning to a lie
He'll leave a foul taste in history
The left wing shrouded in hypocrisy

4. CARPET BUGS

Living in a world beneath most peoples feet
In a forest of fibrous strands, microorganisms meet and greet
You hope its at a home that no one likes to clean
When you hear the vacuum hum,
you know that suction can be mean
Afraid of children who tend to spill their soda
It soaks down to our level, a sticky mess we'll never get over
Just like bacteria on your skin
We're the carpet's version, next of kin
Even though we're clean and tidy
We know that the vacuum cleaner is mighty
Belittled though we may be in every crevice you can't see
Nothing pleases us more than when you go out the door
And if you're gone for days, we'll multiply in a daze
A front for our liberty, chaos our dependency
So don't think about ways to kick us out
We are here to stay at least for another day

5. COAGULATED JELLY BEANS

I would like to engage in some monologue
About a substance I've never had
And as I am confident as an air traffic guy
I've never eaten this stuff, I'm so glad
It doesn't sound very appetizing at all
But then again, what coagulation does
So bring to me your laden taste buds
If it's good it'll start a buzz
I believe all the time I've contiplated
The molecular structure involved in this
Like the stuff I saw on route 42
Inside it makes me either sick or bliss

6. HELEN, MY DRUMMER'S ILLIN'

Grit teeth, back beat everyone knows
Sure shot, back slot there goes the phone
Helen, my drummer's illin'
Somewhere, I think I'm failin'
Can't seem, to get it chillin'
Mark's axe, is now a wailin'
See me, back here in town for the show
Watch me, stay clear, it's all going to blow
Get down, shake down along with the band
High speed, break down make your own stand
Kiyard karma, a quizzical man
Buddhist dharma, you understand

7. TELEPHONE PATIENT

I don't have all day to talk to a machine
The waiting on hold can make one mean
All I want to do is ask a question
But, I'm weaved through a tree of deception
I entered my numbers on the telephone dial
But, I'll be asked for them again in just a while
No matter which option on the menu I choose
I'll transferred out to some other stooge
I hold here on this line, I've been waiting a long time
My frustration seems to continue to mount
But, I don't want them to hear me pout
I'll be so happy to hear a human voice
My anger will leave and I'll rejoice
I twiddle my thumbs as I sit in the chair
The music on hold just sounds like air
They say it's supposed to soothe the soul
It just makes the blood inside me boil
Please pick up the phone,
I know there is someone home
When will they get to me,
I have a life can't you see

8. STAPLE REMOVER

I really hate when i do see
Those staple removers break on me
I should just use the claws of my kitty
When you look at them they seem nice
In all actuality they really are trife
In development they weren't put under the knife
It happens the same way every time
The piece of plastic on top is the crime
When it cracks around the rivets, that's not fine
They need to make an all steel staple remover
That would solve the problems of our day
When the plastic ones break, I feel like a loser
The more metal involved makes thing's okay

9. TEMPURATE

Sweat dripping off the brow
It feels so cold, I could crawl in a cow
People in extremes survive, I don't see how
The only ones happy I see are owls
The heat collects in my car
I'm sure glad I don't drive too far
It's so cold I can't open the jar
So frosty, it solidifies lard
Is there a place where the temp is normal
I think even there it goes out of whack
Environuts theorize the abnormal
As the ozone hole they say will crack
When it's cold outside, think about the heat
When it's sweltering, put something on your feet
Put your mind at ease and eat a piece of cheese
Nothing can relieve, so don't buckle your knees
Drink lots of water and don't forget to freeze

10. VERBAL THOUGHTS

Give, a little bit of steel, a little bit of wine, a little more time
Nudge, a testimony sworn, a prefabricated horn, a tape measure forlorn
Crawl, deep into the hole, there is a little mole, crawling up the pole
Rip, through your wrinkled hand, I'm making a demand, that I don't understand
The verb is used as a command, the line is drawn here in the sand
Shove, all the leaves behind, a watermelon rind, I just can't seem to find
Laugh, just a little more, sappy to the core, running out the door
Serve, you thrashing all about, cannot hide the clout, the horse you'll mount
Mull, over all your thoughts, verbs leave you distraught, watch out don't get caught