"They claim that just thinking about the possibility of divorce means you’re more likely to have one", says Jackie Bird

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The sanctity of marriage came under extreme pressure this week in my house and it had nothing to do with new moves to make prenuptial agreements legally binding. Instead, it involved him indoors and a chest infection.

Nothing puts more strain on a relationship than enduring a sleepless night alongside someone wheezing and noisily coughing up endless gunge.

I realise extramarital affairs and disputes over money are supposed to be the main causes of a break-up but, believe me, at 3am I’d have given him everything I had to run away with a dollybird and take his grotty green hankies with him.

Kind souls reading this may detect a lack of sympathy here and they would be right, especially when I went to work after two hours’ shut-eye and left him sleeping like a baby.

The irony is that when I have so much as a sniffle, I expect him to down tools and tend to my every whimpering need – but I don’t recall pledging to the minister who joined us together in holy wedlock that this would be an entirely fair union.

But would it have made a difference to our marriage if the minister had done the deed in the presence of a piece of paper detailing who would get the TV and who would keep the sofa if our happy home turned into a battleground?

Campaigners against prenups argue that taking time to sort out which of our worldly goods are ours and stay ours in the event of a subsequent divorce is a bad idea. They claim that just thinking about the possibility of divorce means you’re more likely to have one.

Although moves to bring in these legally binding arrangements are taking place south of the Border, the chances are they would follow here.

If they didn’t, and north-south laws regarding assets differed substantially, the deciding of wedding locations could become relationship minefields.

Him: “I know we live in Inverness but how about getting married in the beautiful Borders?” Her: “Oh, how romantic – Gretna Green?”

Him: “I was thinking Newcastle.”

I really don’t know whether dividing the spoils of war before a shot is fired is a reassuring move or an inflammatory one. Romantics will claim that the overwhelming argument against prenups lies in the wedding vows themselves.

If you promise to be together till death causes the ultimate parting of the ways, why plan for a break-up?

But we all know that even the most loving relationships go to the wall, therefore perhaps preventing your former beloved walking off with a chunk of what were your worldly goods would remove insult from injury.

Like the legal framework that surrounds it, marriage isn’t simple. It’s a wonderful union that can bring security and joy but still, occasionally, drive you nuts. The aforementioned death us do part bit I get and intend to keep.

In fact, at one stage during my sleep-starved night, the prospect of placing a pillow over and not under his fevered head was fleetingly enticing.

But I’ve no desire to spend the rest of my life in Cornton Vale and, well, if he wasn’t there and I got sick, who’d look after me?