Something that I was recently made aware of, and that I in self honesty also knew of, is how I drag with me old mind junk, and mind data from the past that I would like to say that is gone and that I am done with – that is still here. Some of the old dominating systems of my mind. Things like “self judgment” and “fear” – systems. These two buggers in particular. Some of the very dominant system that we as humans carry. These systems, have very deep seated roots on the humans experience. And people walk through life without properly dealing with it. This has effect on life as we know it on earth today – as well as for the afterlife and infinite existence of humans. Now, I have tools to work through this, I know how to heal and how to work through this and … literally I know how to change. It is only myself who is responsible for not changing. I have self forgiveness, self honesty, living words, breathe, etc, and I should know how to balance this by now. There is no excuse for me to not change.

Still my mind programming is heavy. And in this interview of Annuaki he explains how this responsibility is mostly missed by humans, that we are not creating for real – we drag with us old systems, still.

So these two systems, self judgment and fear, are poking me like crazy. And they should – because I should not need to be mind slave within such a equation. Thing is that I see that my consciousness is recycling itself like it did before. Making old problems new again, “making suffering great again”…lol…within mind, making fear into anger, and self judgment into blame and so on. So I must stop it and alter – create a better reality.

self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag on specifically fear and self judgment, where I think to myself that some of the things I have done is unforgivable to myself as a being, and that I would think in my mind that me in my afterlife/reflection would not be forgiven, by my beingness, for some of my deeds/thoughts on this earth, missing the picture of how I let my conscious mind dictate me into thinking “I am not good enough” – “I am not forgiven enough”, “I can’t do this” and ending up in fear and in self judgment – mind systems recycled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a moral obligation to drag with me fear and self judgment thinking everyone does this and so should I, not seeing or reflecting on how the word “moral” in this world, protects the very abusers (religion, war, government etc), and within so I am not better than anyone else, for dragging with me fear and self-judgment like emotions that I am eager to give away, and look into my beingness/awareness, and how I need to dump & delete these emotions once and for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine, the thought that I can make a drawing and a picture or some arts about me leaving “my old emotions”, and systems behind and not fully seeing, how drawing and arts it could assist me in quantifying my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it fascinating and yet disturbing to see how I find it very hard to dump of me, these systems (fears, self judgments) and at the same time how eager mind is to pick it up and recycle it into my living/suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated by my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to give my mind direction, and a “occupation”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not been able to see or fully realize and comprehend, that as long as I drag with me the constructs/concept of fear and self judgment, my mind will know so, detect so, l and it will make a big thing/addiction/suffering/recycleling out of it – since both fear and self judgment are mind based systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to see into my fears and my self judgment, like a desire to see it diminish and disappear, like to kiss it good bye for good where I would indulge in memories and my mind would catch up with me and “boom”… the mind systems are recycled.

When and as I see myself going into re – inventing fear and self judgment, I stop myself, I take a deep breath, and I slow the fuck down. I have come to realize that I must know my fears and my self judgments – and from there “weed them out” from a distance. To see them, within self, to alter within self and change as self so that awareness/focus/reality is something else, and not fear, and self judgment. I realize that I have all the tools I need to get through this, I must simply slow down and find myself stable and ready to create best for all/best for me solutions.

I commit myself to be with my tools, and my support to give myself chores and creative tasks. I commit myself to stay busy, creative but slow and commonsensical.