Anger Burger

It may come as a surprise to many of you, but I have a secret. I cartoon stuff. Unfortunately for me, my friend Len (proprietor of the art closet, and I finally figured out how to quiet him: I agreed.

So! I won’t lie here, I’m totally nauseated with excitement and apprehension. I draw a lot, but it’s pretty private. I can’t explain it, it’s always just been something I do to entertain myself. But! Screw it. Let’s do this publicly.

Well done! Well you can’t give away your craft for free now … but, had I known this I’d have insisted you come waste HOURS on Doodle or Die. True, there are many sophomoric users who draw nothing but phallic and fecal doodles, but those of us who put a lot of time or creativity into our doodles have a blast. It’s a complete and utter waste of my day but — I never miss a day.

Hey there; I am an undiagnosed/misdiagnosed IBD-sufferer and let me say that your website kicks ass. I am actually quite jealous of the recipes and the things you try/can eat. I have a real problem eating anything too solid or hard to digest because my bowels just bloat up horribly and I can not pass anything for a day or two… it is scary! I have been eating baby food w/ white rice, Tahini, and tofu (With a hearty side of probiotic pills) for 4 months now and JUST found out that I can tolerate Sunshine Burgers pretty well, so I have been the happiest guy for that simple little fact!

People really don’t realize what they have until it turns to “had”… Hell, I was what I’d call a “realist health nut” who didn’t fall for the vegan/organic/gluten song & dance, but mainly ate roasted/grilled chicken w rice and veggies and ham/turkey and cheese egg white omelets. I jogged and exercised every other day and I watched my weight. I really had no fear of eating or disease and suddenly this “thing” just hit me like a truck. It has turned my life upside-down within a mere 8-9 months and I really don’t feel like the same person anymore; whatever I am going through right now just feels like living at this point. If I had known this was going to hppen I would of had a couple of more Mc Flurries and Grand Slam Breakfasts.

My weight dropped over 20ilbs within the first 2 months and I became dangerously depressed. After being told by my G.P. (rather rudely) that it was all in my head my father pulled some strings and got me a Gastroenterologist appointment w/o referral, where he opted to do a flex sig.; he found I had an unspecified proctitis. Yeah… FUCK YOU G.P.! Thanks for showing me how clueless you really are. Sometimes I really wish I would’ve sent him a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a fancy card that read “Thanks for the Misdiagnosis” with my flex sig. results folded inside.

But I am just venting and rambling at this point; I still have this proctitis “flare” after all these months so at this point I am wondering when/if someone will figure out if I have UC or Crohns. Until then I fight and remain socially void thanks to this debilitating bullshit.. and that is where you come in: You got spunk, style, attitude and it helps to make me feel like I can become the person I used to be (sarcastic, inclined to dark humor) before I got lost in all of this.

I paid for an illustration on Monster By Mail today after I saw some of the work you do; I figured it would help out a fellow sufferer and I would get a really cool illustration out of it. By the way, amazing work! From the vids it looks like you put minimal time into a drawing, yet you squeeze out so much detail and creativity in that quick burst. I look forward to seeing how Morty Feldman, Esq. turns out.

Wow, It seems like I needed to get more out than I expected. Thanks for reading/tolerating this rant and I hope your next remission lasts a lifetime.

It’s not a rant, man! This is why I put myself here. I mean, I think maybe the young kids don’t get it these days, but it’s a pretty humbling experience to think yourself a genuine anomaly – surely no one else has a bowel disease, thinks about food all day, spends all waking hours trying not to use profanities out loud and giggles at every single Kuato joke – and then! You go onto this thing called the internet! And there’s people like you! Every day I find it delightful.

I had the misfortune of being a very skinny teenage girl when trying to get a diagnosis, which means it took 4 years to find a doctor who was willing to assume up front that I wasn’t pregnant, didn’t have an STD and wasn’t bulimic. And that is the doctor who sent me to a gastro, and that gastro immediately diagnosed me with Crohn’s in the midst of a flare-up that he estimated would have cost me my colon if allowed to go untreated for another 24 hours. I thought a lot about those doctors that nearly cost me an organ but… I don’t know. For now, all has turned out as best as it can. I don’t have health insurance, but I’m educated about my disease, and surrounded by people who understand me, and I think maybe that’s pretty good, all things considered.

Regarding the videos: those are drawings by Len Peralta, the guy who started Monster by Mail. He’s done over a thousand (!!!!) of them, and he’s pretty fast. I am now carrying the Monster by Mail torch for a while and I am not fast. Yet. Mine take close to two hours to do.

I just got Morty Feldman, Esq. today and it is amazing! It came out of nowhere and completely took me by surprise. If I wasn’t such a geek I probably would’ve missed the little things that make it so great (aside from your talent).

Kuato still lives… he is just disguised as Igor’s hump now! Thank you for this drawing. When I get better I will remember the long, hard trip it has been and all the things/people that got me through every time I look at it. You have made a friend in Florida, Sunday!

I just saw the Monsters by Mail you did for Akuma and me and I have to tell you we are completely floored! We feel like we’re on an episode of The Simpsons! I’m using exclamation marks on every sentence cause we’re so excited about these drawings! You did a wonderful job…you’ve got the skills to pay the bills!

Yeek! I’m so bright red right now, I’m glad I don’t have a vlog. True story: I listened to police/FD/medical scanner radio the whole time I was drawing them, so I kept pausing at the drama of things like a woman who thought her TV remote control was a bomb (it wasn’t, the police officer checked) and an injured deer (taken to wildlife rehab) and a car fire (no one was injured) and meth addicts arguing over a car (it belonged to none of them).

My parcel arrived today. When I opened the packet, there she was: ‘Primrose Likes Books’! Only knowing her name, I expected something totally different: a snake-hipped, pursed-lipped, high collared spinster sitting erect in a chair whilst reading a Ladies Guide to something or other and with perhaps a Mary Shelly at her feet, daring herself to pick it up…Instead she is a sweet, sloppy, toad-girthed gorgeous girl! She is so endearing. I love her!
Thus far, her transition has been a bit up and down. When she first caught sight of me, she stared very wide-eyed and then burped out a corner of the last page left of her books. I told her she must be hungry after such a long journey and then realized she came with instructions: Likes old books. I fetched for her the oldest book I have, a Bible that has somehow ended up here. It’s massive and old -from 1784?! I dusted it off and offered her page 1,263. She smelled it and pushed her nose up. Want Gentleman’s Relish, she demanded. What the?! I told her. I informed her she was not in Kansas anymore and she needed to learn some manners to fit in with the locals. When offered something by a host, she should accept graciously… I went on and on. She let out a sound and a smell. I decided I better choose my battles carefully whilst we are getting acquainted. I then offered her a tumbler of Thai fish sauce-it is the closest thing to Gentleman’s Relish I had in the cupboard. She’s drunk it down and bubbled and atomised the most unsavoury, SOME may say… well, let US just say, scent-for the past few hours. The smell has filled the house and I can only hope that no good company stops in before the place has had a thoroughly good airing.
That being said, she is a properly nice monster and with a bit of house-training, she will fit in beautifully with her new family.
Thanks Sunday.
All the Best,
Kristie

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comment

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail

Name *

Email *

Website

Warning: require_once(/home/subspaceeddy/angerburger.com/wp-content/themes/AngerBurger2/footer.php): failed to open stream: Permission denied in /home/subspaceeddy/angerburger.com/wp-includes/template.php on line 572