Internal Bomb Threats Exploding

Here’s a paper detailing everything from the Under Fat Roll Bomb (“suffers from a lack of candidate personnel fulfilling the delivery criteria since very few terrorist operatives are that significantly overweight”) to the Rectum/Large Intestines (Lower Digestive Track) bomb pioneered by — who else — the CIA, with its non-exploding E&E Suppository MK I escape kit:

This waterproof kit dates back to the early OSS/CIA during World War II and was followed by the E&E Suppository MK II that was shorter yet thicker in diameter. The kits contained a saw, file, knife blades, drill and reamers with the second kit issued with surgical lubricating jelly for easier insertion. The initial kit description states that “Once one becomes acquainted with the item, it is not uncomfortable to carry…” which suggests that sizeable explosive payloads can easily be inserted into the rectum and that their existence will not be betrayed by an abnormal gait or discomfort on the part of a potential body cavity bomber.

As for those surgically-implanted bombs, the paper adds that “surgical bomb placement requires moderate to high levels of medical expertise that creates a barrier to entry for Al Qaeda for it necessitates the use of support personnel with veterinary and/or actual medical doctor (MD) surgical training.”

But that’s the only good news, apparently. “The threat of body cavity bombs is very real and should not be discounted out of hand simply due to its humorous nature or past attempts by some governments to overly minimize — even deny — the dangers this suicide bombing evolutionary development represents,” author Robert Bunker says on Small Wars Journal.