Our Changing Clothes

Our Changing Clothes

How bitter the words of condemnation that flow so smoothly from my tongue, when my heart wants no more than freedom. I am often a bomb ticking, a relentlessly pursued target of my own hand, stored of rage and frustration, unexploded. Passive though I may be, I walk with the oppressed feelings of defence, unsettled by my angst but driven to high alert. Like a spring coiled tight I walk the streets of my life weary and insecure that my fears are palpable and I in refuge of normality, are defined further.

Am I so unrelated to my day, a pariah ill-fitting my time, or am I just a man immersed in the tragedies of life, feared of the consequence of angry and fractious men seeking vengeance for their own harsh lives? Survival remains within our consciousness from primordial days, still at the forefront of modern minds. Circumstance is simply a clothing of truth, a presentation of an underlying reality. Perhaps we remain the Neanderthals of our beginnings, animals of blood-lust and instinct. Perhaps we spend so much time in refining graces; we forget what we truly are.

I try with all my strength to remain a compassionate and understanding man but at the edge of my reason, I am more than willing to revert to the animal of my predestination, my underlying dark truth. If challenged I would not hesitate to kill to defend my family, my loved ones, against all principles and chosen paradigms of my life. So close is this fact the rage of injustice and blatant selfishness from people I don’t even know, comes swiftly to the surface. This I must face daily, understanding how inappropriate these feelings are. They come from deep within where no consideration or rationale exists. And when these overwhelming feelings arise I am in shock and must quell this force than bids me act.

I watch with profound interest how human beings treat one another, on the streets, in cars and even in their own homes. There remains so much anger and mistrust the slightest infraction creates abuse and even physical assault. We are all the potential of hurt and we are surrounded by the motivation for it, the frustration of contention forever at the door of our lives. How we deal with it is our choice alone, but for me I must learn to be understanding of my core, my heritage.

However we view ourselves, it is rarely accurate to any extent, avoiding the darker truths that plague our thoughts and actions. For as good as we can be there is an opposite equivalent, and innate balance that defines our existence. Human beings have the choice about which path we follow, but we are all capable of the greatest kindness to the most heinous crimes. This is reality, and however we clothe that fact, we are only deceiving ourselves if we ignore the darker side to our potential.

In understanding this negative aspect of ourselves, we can gain some perspective and become far more capable of harnessing and transforming the negative into positive expressions. Awareness is the first step to understanding and expressing our positive potentials, rather than being overwhelmed and surrendering to our base human nature.