There is a man I often dine with who was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and was told he must eliminate sweets from his diet. And I began to notice an absurd habit develop– Whenever the waiter asks him if he wants to see a dessert menu, he makes a gigantic gesture in folding his napkin and placing it on the table and responds– “I’d love to but I’m off to see the Viscount.” And this has been going on for weeks– The waiter is instructed with urgency to process our check immediately– “Can’t keep the Viscount waiting!” When I ask him what the Viscount looks like he says, “he has a mustache– a raven curly mustache.” When I ask him about the Viscount’s horse, he says he has two–“Michelangelo and Antonioni.” And that’s when I start to wonder– where did you come from? Which sorts of cakes are you in lieu of?