Doctors Find Link Between Glass Shard Consumption And Bleeding

Dr. William Hartnell experienced some “discomfort” after digesting glass shards.

Doctors and scientists at the Hellman’s Clinic have found a strong link between consuming shards of glass and bleeding, at least that is the finding according to a new study filed in the Newer England Journal of Medicine.

Doctors gave over 100 patients shards of broken glass to eat and 100% of them experienced some sort of bleeding including oral, internal, and rectal. “I have never seen anything like it, we expected some bleeding, but in no way did we expect to see it in 100% of the patients”, said lead study scientist Dr. Tom Baker. The Doctor went on to say, “And when I say bleeding, I mean a lot of bleeding.”

Dr. David Tennant went on to explain, “As a control we gave some patients Laffy Taffy, and of the patients who received Laffy Taffy, there was zero bleeding. This has left us no other option but to conclude the shards of glass are causing the bleeding in the other patients.”

The founder of the Hellman’s Clinic, Dr. William Hartnell participated in the study personally. “I couldn’t believe the results we were getting back, I decided to enter myself into the trial. While an unusual step for sure, I thought, ‘What could it hurt’. Well my posterior is what. I haven’t hurt this much since the thumb tack study back in ’68.”

What does this mean for your health? Well experts urge us to stress this is only one study. Most recommend avoiding the consumption of glass shards until further trials can be done on the issue. Right now there is an effort underway to get more funding for the study through Congress.