The Chronicle of a Reformed Feminist Killjoy

Heart for Heart.

My suspicions rose first at the beginning of June 2012 when I was unceremoniously dumped by my significant other, of almost four years, over the telephone.

Then, when a close friend and I became closer my fears that the reaper of good luck was on my tail dissipated; that is, until things went south and he went nuts.

He’s the second boy who has “dated” me and then gone into a mental institution.

Things were quiet for a bit and I met someone in December that I became quite fond of.

Finally though, because you cannot avoid fate, in January things went to hell. A few weeks after Boy December ruined my self esteem, two of my exes, in succession, attempted to blackmail me. Now, fast forward to present day March and I have been the victim of a one night stand.

I kind of knew it would never progress far.

I mean, he didn’t own books; it was a lost cause as soon as I found that out, but one night was a bit sudden.

So a few days after the deed, here I am: Sitting in Starbucks, sending one last text that will go unanswered, listening to “God Only Knows” and ruminating on my past actions.

I will say a few things.

Yes I’ve cheated and that is not ok.

However, as I have grown up I try to operate as transparently as possibly.

If we are hooking up, I’m clear about that.

I’m clear about one night stands, about fidelity and about feelings.

I never give false impressions if I can help it and I never pretend to be better than I am.

It’s actually one of my biggest peeves, when people act better than they are or disguise a cheap action with seemingly thoughtful gestures.

If you’re going to be shitty, own up to your actions.

I always figured that Karma would come to me in the form of a violent death. It’s fitting for the amount of hearts I have broken in my past.

Unfortunately, I think that my penance is to have my insides bruised and broken in the same way I inflicted on others.