Pages

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Fail

I did it again. I fell into my bad habits and became that person I don't really like...

FAIL

I snapped, I screamed, I got really mean....

FAIL

I'm frustrated easily, I'm angry for no reason...

FAIL

I'm trying again to do it all in my strength...

FAIL

I hate failing, I hate being this angry person who is not happy at home. I'm happy outside of my house, or at least I put up a brave front. I hate feeling like I am not good enough.

I struggle with little things...like keeping a clean house. I have a super hard time with this. I am just not good at it. Add in 4 more people and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes. I don't know how other mom's do it. I don't know how some people ALWAYS have a clean house...I can't seem to do it. The piles and crumbs must multiple faster at my house than at other peoples houses!

I read people's blogs and I know often one only puts on the blog the good and happy but I see the corners of houses and they don't look like mine and I think...how come I can't do that! What is wrong with me. It's like the airbrushing they do on magazine ads...I know it's not perfect and I know that they have struggles that I may not have but still I wonder.

I think if they can do it why can't I? What is wrong with me? Why is this such a struggle? WHY? WHY?? WHY????

That's the true root of it for me the..Why? Why am I dwelling on the negative rather than the positive? Why is the glass half empty instead of half full? Why is the discouragement of life bringing me down? Why am I seeing only the bad instead of the good? Where is the contentment that I should have instead of the I want's and the gimmies (which I honestly hate coming from others)?

I think it all comes back to contentment. Why am I not content with what I have been given? Why am I resentful of the gifts that I have been given? Why am I angry at the place I am in instead of overflowing with gratitude for all the things I have?

It's simple and hard to answer this question...the WHY of it all is this ugly thing at the root....SELFISHNESS.

I'm SELFISH...scary thought huh..admitting to yourself that you are something like this. It's true, the more I think about it, this is the root of some of my issues.

I'm selfish of my sleep...so I get angry when I am woken up...even if it's too a very sweet little boy who only wants to hug and snuggle with his mama.

I'm selfish of my time...I would much rather read a book or watch some TV than clean something.

I'm selfish of my food...I only want to cook and eat what I want. I then want the kitchen to clean itself so I don't have to do...I want what I want!

I'm selfish. Deep down I think that I am better or more worthy because my focus is on the SELF.

How bout you? Are you struggling with the Selfishness that is imbred in all humanity...that thinking that we are better than others and that our wants and desires should be at the forefront?

I'm struggling with it...but I have named it...often when I name the issue it makes it easier to conquer it. It's still a struggle but hopefully I can work on making this problem, these struggles begin to go away.

It goes back to Overcoming and Moving Forward.

I took 2 steps backward today and I Failed. Boo...but I will continue and work on moving again AHEAD...embracing Today...and being a more content and happy individual.

1 comment:

I don't know how they do it either. Keep your head up. A clutter house, dirty clothes and dirty dishes mean you have a roof over your head, food in your belly, clothes on your back and toys for your kids. This helps me get through it hope it helps you too!

Search This Blog

OUR CAST OF CHARACTERS!

Meet the happy members of our little family!

The Parents

Dan and Erin--Married for 14 years, we are working hard at raising the kids together in addition to pursuing hobbies and other interests that keep us young. It is our goal to have our family glorify God.

The Teenager!

Janea--a great big sister to her littlest brother, a partner in crime I mean boss of her younger brother, helper when she feels like it to the mother and little miss Smartypants.

The 11 year old

Jaron--full of energy, spunk, annoying behaviors and typical elementary angst. He is a good helper and is surprisingly gentle with those younger than him. You can usually find him playing Wii or DS but he also does enjoy a good book!

The Two Year Old!

Jayden--our little surprise who keeps us hopping. He loves to read books, do anything the big kids are doing and is a fun little boy to be around...unless he is cranky then watch out! We are excited to see who he may turn out to be!

Popular Posts

Followers

About Me

I'm a mom who loves her life! I have a great husband, 3 great kids and a job that is my passion! I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and someone who is finding her way on this crazy journey we know as life! I love my God and am seeking HIS will as I travel on my journey!