Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I washed my hair hours ago. It's long. It's still wet. It's so annoying. I just want it to dry and be pretty.

I think it's going to rain today. I'm guessing that it'll open up and pour down about the time my hair dries and I step outside.

I have to go to the doctor again today--to tell him that the last medicine he gave me has made me achy all over--to the point of terrible muscle cramps EVERYWHERE. I never had a thigh cramp before. I never had a shoulder muscle cramp before. (What the heck are those muscles called?)

And the meds he gave me sent me through the migraine roof way too many times this last month. (Cymbalta) And gave me psychotic dreams. I'm serious, I could stay on that stuff and get a career going on writing creepy thrillers. Every single night for weeks now, I've dreamed (multiple dreams a night) of death, murder, and once of resurrecting someone I watched die.

I don't have god complex, and I wasn't going around doing the killing myself. (Which is good, right? That would be the sign of worse psyche problems, I think.) But, vivid colors, deep emotions, and lots of trauma...set on a thriller screen in my brain that sometimes woke me up breathing heavy. Now, that's some messed up shit...that medication, I mean.

One very disturbing dream...I walked outside of a hotel and saw a young girl under trash in the alley. I thought at first that she was dead. I could see that she'd been raped. I tried to go to her, and realized she was alive, because she groaned and moved.

But I was steered away from her, and told that I didn't want to get in the middle of whoever put her there. Taken back to my room--

My conscience screamed out. I escaped (thriller moves over the balcony on an upper level, then down mazed hallways.)

I ran outside and screamed that we had to help the girl, would somebody please help?

I got a lot of dirty looks. I felt total panic. Desperate.

And worse, she was gone when I found my way to her. I sat down in the dirty alley and wrapped my arms around my knees and cried. Cried because I'd let someone lead me away in the first place.

Be a dream interpreter here. What do you think it means?I'll tell you what I think it's all about tomorrow.