January 2019

Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross has expressed surprise that furloughed and unpaid federal workers are turning to food banks to make ends meet. “Why don’t they just take a loan?” Given how not having resources to…

Lara Trump is being heavily criticized for telling furloughed and unpaid working federal employees that the pain they are experiencing is worth it for the sake of border security. “What would she know about hardship?”…

Still peeved over previous threats to delay his State of the Union, when Nancy Pelosi insisted he would not be welcome at the U.S. Capitol during the shutdown, President Trump has decided to decline the…

A CNN interview of a government worker who voted for Trump in the 2016 election and now feels betrayed by the President has gone viral. Though there were some cruel instances of schadenfreude directed at…

The New England Patriots are considering taking a radically different approach to their upcoming Super Bowl appearance, by trying to win the game without cheating. The idea reportedly came from Tom Brady, after it occurred…

President Trump was reportedly turning the White House upside-down today, telling aides is was imperative his Birther Playbook be located. “You’d better not have thrown it out!” The playbook of birther strategies to discredit opponents…

A feud has developed between Hollywood Democratic player Aaron Sorkin and newly elected Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, whom Sorkin accuses of acting too young and who he says needs to display more gravitas. Ocasio-Cortez, or AOC…

What was otherwise shaping up to be another perfect MLK day of celebrating America’s most beloved pastor by a group a friends was ruined today when one of their number deviated from the standard practice…

As one big-name Democrat after another announces their intention for run for President in 2020, the one most likely to prevail has emerged as a mystery candidate wearing a paper bag with “I’m not Trump”…

A young Rudy Giuliani time traveling from late 1980s stopped by to check in on his 74-year-old self today, hoping to find himself basking in the glow of his former achievements. Young Giuliani was pleased…

Emergency rooms across the country as struggling to manage after being hit by an epidemic of Americans suffering from severe neck strain. The primary cause is believed to be people violently shaking their heads while…

President Trump has taken to twitter to pay tribute to Martin Luther King’s achievements in advance of MLK day. “The way he started the Protestant Reformation was a great achievement. So great!” The President said…

Asked what he thought about the Kentucky High School student facing off against an older Native American that’s dominating social media, the young man forever to be known as Tiki-Torch Guy said he couldn’t be…

In the latest twist of the border wall controversy, confused immigrants are confronting longstanding citizens of the United States in apparent confusion over who has the greater right to be here. Media report that the…

With Pittsburgh wondering exactly what happened to the snowmageddon they were so eagerly looking forward to this weekend, local station WTAE said it was switching up its forecasting method in a bid to be more…