I'm in a Target, and I'm tired, and I don't feel good, but here I am. I'm going to have to figure out something to do for the next fifteen hours, and I really hope that it's at least a little bit interesting. [Rimsky- Korsakov's "Flight of the Bumblebee" plays in background throughout video] I've been in Target for about five hours now, and I. Am.

REALLY BORED! [laughs desperately] There's -- there's not a lot to do here... [sound effects] Hey, nerdfighters came to see me! Why am I hereee? Oh, now this is just -- Why?

Aside from being an excellent ninja mask, this balaclava is good for staying warm in the cold Montana winter. However, they didn't call it a balaclava; they called it a baklava. I feel like a little bit of a jerk for complaining about my punishment when you really didn't do anything and you have to get a root canal today!

Though as you pointed out, you did break the basic rules of dental hygiene. This is why every year for our entire lives, Mom has bought us a toothbrush. And -- and what, did you just ignore that?

There are lots of people in this Target, and they -- they don't think I'm normal. [imitating Fred] Hey it's Haaank! [panting] Oh my gosh you guys I've been in Target for twelve FREAKING hours! [mock sobs] Katherine just came to hang out with me at the Target, and we have been doing a lot of math in this candy aisle to try and figure out what candy is the worst for you. And we're doing that by figuring out what has the most calories per gram. For a long time, we thought that it was gonna be the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and then we thought it was gonna be the Dove Peanut Butter Cups.

But it turns out that it's the Lindor Peanut Butter Truffles, with 5.9 calories per gram. More expensive, too. You get what you pay for.

Which is chubby. [harmonizes with trash cans] [blends meal to complete punishment] One last heaping spoonful... [chokes, gags] It's a horrible idea. You suck. John, you have to face your fear of heights and go on the Frog Hopper for a full Frog Hop session.

And while you're up there, I want you to tell me you love me. John, see you on Friday.