Gary Brown: Don’t ever try to sing in the bathtub in Pennsylvania

Friday

There are laws on the books in many states that today really don't make a lot of sense.

“In Columbus, it’s illegal to wear a hat at a basketball game, if the game is ‘entertaining.’”

The illegal sometimes seems illogical, according to “The Wacky World of Laws,” a new book by Jeff Isaac.

Oh, there often is a reason for the passage of a law. In the case of hat-wearing basketball fans, the law stems from an attempt to make it “unlawful for any person to wear a hat or any other covering of the head which obstructs the view of other persons, in any theater, opera house, motion picture theater or any other building where an entertainment is given and an admission charged.” But the full enforcement of such laws can make them oddities.

Isaac, nicknamed “The Lawyer in Blue Jeans,” culled city ordinances and state laws to find the strangest and funniest offenses. In Ohio, for example, he says it’s “illegal to get fish drunk.” And, Isaac adds, “if one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour.”

“With the current legal landscape dominated by a glut of hard and downright depressing news, Americans are sorely in need of a quick chuckle on the ‘softer side of the law,’” he explains. “This book is written for those who want a good laugh at the expense of the legal system.”

You might snicker that “it is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose.”

And you might giggle that in West Virginia, “road kill may be taken home for supper” and “whistling underwater is prohibited.”

“The Wacky World of Laws” ($16.95) notes that in Pennsylvania, “dynamite is not to be used to catch fish” and “you may not sing in the bathtub.” In Indiana, “baths may not be taken between the months of October and March” and “liquor stores may not sell milk.”

Now, I’m originally from New York so I wanted to know what laws I might have broken as I was growing up. As it turns out, in that state “it is unlawful to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun,” a law I may have violated during dodgeball games. Remembering my boastful reactions during some Monopoly games with my siblings, I also could be a lawbreaker because “citizens may not greet each other by ‘putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers.’”

I plan to visit my sister-in-law in Mississippi sometime soon, so it will be necessary for me to keep in mind that according to Isaac, in that that state “it is unlawful to shave in the center of main street.”

The list goes on. In Nevada it is “illegal to drive a camel on the highway” and in Florida “if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter the parking fee has to be paid.” In New Jersey it is against the law to ‘frown’ at a police officer” and “you may not slurp your soup.” From Minnesota, “citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.”

I don’t know how these laws came about. I suspect they address very specific incidents. I suspicion many of them have been on the books for years and have been forgotten about.

On the other hand, what I certainly need to remember if when I retire I become a “snowbird,” is that, according to Isaac, in Florida it is illegal to pass gas “in a public place after 6 p.m.” Eat carefully.

Gary Brown writes for the Canton Repository. Contact him at gary.brown@cantonrep.com