Well…not wanting to be left out of anything, I begged Kathy to assign me a letter and let me play along.

She gave me…the letter J! Squeee!

I am so excited because the letter J is uber sexy (I mean…look at those curves….) not to mention, there are a ton of fabulous things that I love that start with the letter J. Today, I shall share with you my top 10. Buckle up!

1. Java: Girl gots to have her java! I am not the ultimate java drinker like my blog BFF Jenny Hansen (who is a fabulous J herself…she actually dreams of bathing in java). But I do like my one cup a day in the morning. It’s like I can’t really get started till I’ve sipped away a hot steaming cup of java. Yum.

2. Jacked Up: I love TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress and when they launched the Atlanta version with Lori and Monty and their beautiful southern accent…well I just about died and went to heaven. A PVR staple in my house, these two also coined the term “Jacked Up” which is all about bedazzling their brides…LOVE IT! I like to get jacked up all the time!

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3. Jewellery: well duh?!?! Of course jewels are in the top 10! The bigger, brighter, fanciers, and flashier…the better!

4. Jackpot: what I hope to win someday but also one of mine and hubby’s fav slang sayings we use to indicate we found something that’s either A) fabulous or B) has been lost and is now found.

Me: Hey hubby…get in here…and bring the olive oil.

Hubby: Jackpot!

5. Just sayin’: another favorite slang saying that I am wearing out. It’s my cover when I know I am being too blunt with someone.

6. Jiffy Pop: Hubby and I have a little story about Jiffy Pop. Y’all know we love camping. With no microwave, Jiffy Pop is a fantastic popcorn treat to cook up over an open fire. But…one needs to shake the Jiffy Pop over the heat so the kernels don’t burn.

No problem. Most campground fire pits have a grill top so you can cook on them. Or set Jiffy Pop on them and use a stick to shake it.

One night camping, hubby and I got a little tipsy around the fire (shocking…I know…). And of course, we got the munchies. So…we decided to whip up some Buttery Jiffy Pop. The only problem, the fire pit didn’t have a grill top…and we didn’t have anything to put the Jiffy Pop on.

Not to fear, hubby (the ingenious little bugger that he is) rewired the Jiffy Pop’s handle around a long stick so we could hold it over the open fire and “shake” as required. With the butter sizzling and the kernels just starting to pop, we awaited snack heaven with bated breath. However…in our excitement, we accidentally pierced a hole in the container. DANG! Before we knew it, all that delicious popcorn and butter poured into the fire…

But that wasn’t the worst part.

Seconds after…FLAMING popcorn started FIRING out of the fire.

We literally had to dive to take cover.

Jiffy Pop has been a fav in our house ever since. You can’t buy that kind of entertainment!

7. Je t’aime: I love you in French. I love you in any language rocks!

8. Jell-o Shooters: a party staple! My fav…strawberry with coconut rum. Yum! Looking for some recipes to try? Check out some ideas here.

10. Jeff Dunham: one of my most favorite comedians EVER! He is a ventriloquist with characters he’s made himself that totally come to life on stage. You forget they are dolls…it’s amazing. Hubby and I saw him last year and near fell off our chairs laughing. If you ever get the opportunity to see him, GO! He’s probably most known for his character Achmed the Dead Terrorist but I loved them all!

So what are some of your favs that start with the letter “J”? Stories behind the pick? Feel free to play along in the comments…or I can always assign you a letter so you can play on your blog (or pick your own and join in). Ask and you shall receive.

A couple of weeks ago hubby sent me this link on a new study that found that some women can achieve orgasm by working out. I think he was hoping this might motivate me to hit the gym but the thought of having a “When Harry Met Sally” restaurant moment at the gym doesn’t really appeal to me. I know…I am such a prude!

But seriously, according to the news story, researchers at Indiana University surveyed 124 women who claimed to have experienced exercise-induced orgasms (EIO), also known as “coregasms,” and 246 who experienced exercise-induced sexual pleasure (EISP).

There are a lot of things I experience when working out but none of them even come close to eliciting any kind of pleasure.

The researchers found that most women have no control over their coregasms, weren’t fantasizing or looking at anyone they were attracted to when it happened, and most said it made them feel uncomfortable working out in public.

Ya think?! Now every time I hear a woman grunting or moaning while working out, I’m gonna wonder if it’s from pain or pleasure.

Researchers found that the most coregasm-inducing exercises were:

51.4% during or after abdominal exercise

26.5% weightlifting

20% yoga

15.8% bike riding

13.2% running

9.6% walking or hiking

I gotta say, over my lifetime I’ve done nearly all of these workouts and have never experienced a coregasm or any exercise-induced sexual pleasure. Maybe if I had, I would have stuck with my workouts. Hmmmm….

Do you think exercise has the potential to enhance women’s sex lives? Ever experienced a coregasm? Would you hit the gym more often, or less often, if you did? Come on…share the wealth…

I’ve got a bunch of single gal pals (the Singles) that come to me for relationship advice. I gleefully and enthusiastically deliver all tidbits of advice I have to offer acknowledging that it’s based solely on my personal experience.

In one area, me and the Singles ALWAYS differ!

How long do you wait before going ALL the way?

My advice; 4 to 8 weeks, depending on how quickly the relationship progresses. To be honest, I think the longer you wait, THE BETTER! Now let’s be clear. I am not saying you shouldn’t have any intimate fun…there’s lots of boudoir frolicking that can be had that does not involve going the whole way. I am merely suggesting that you keep things to 1st and 2nd base for while.

The Singles gawk, throw their heads back in disgust and usually look at me like a 3-headed dragon.

“We have NEEDS Natalie….” they scream at me.

My response: “do you want to get laid or find a life partner?” because I think the two goals require two totally different approaches.

“The biggest mistake that women make is they find out the information too late. You find out he’s married too late, you find out something’s wrong with him, he’s not really working, he’s not really a committed-type guy,” he says. “You can get this figured out in 90 days if you give yourself a chance, but once you commit yourself physically to a guy, you become emotionally involved, and you try to force it to make it work because ‘I slept with the guy.’ And you end up dragging yourself through the mud with a relationship that you really need to get rid of.”

I emailed that little ditty around to all the Singles.

Most of them did not reply. Go figure.

Steve shared his thoughts on his 90-day rule and dating in general on the Ellen show and I gotta say, I was sold on his theory!

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Amen Steve!

To all my Singles out there, here are my final pieces of relationship advice:

Set your BAR sky high!

Shout it from the rooftop! OWN it!

Demand to know his intentions/plans on the first date!

Set a 90-day (or something similar) no-sex rule so he knows you ain’t here to PLAY, you here to PLAN!

If he’s worthy, he’ll stick around!

I know, you are all wondering….do I practice what I preach?!?!

Hubby and I waited 4 weeks from the time we started dating exclusively.

Why didn’t I wait 90 days, which was my rule at the time? There were a couple of factors that I think made the timeline exception warranted.

Relationship intensity was fierce: for hubby and I, 4 weeks together was like 90 days for most. We spent nearly every single day together from the time we met. And it wasn’t all flirting and fun during that time. I took Steve’s advice to heart and grilled hubby extensively (who grilled me right back), we explored the nitty gritty details like our mutual interests, our values, and the kind of relationships/life we wanted with a partner. We were both dead honest with each other from day one. It was intense but it was also as natural as breathing.

And……

Hubby got rave reviews from multiple credible sources: hubby had worked at my then workplaces for years but was gone by the time I was hired. So all of my coworkers (all women – varying ages) had known him for ages. These women didn’t just speak highly of him…they adored, worshipped and loved him. To most, he was like a son to them. In their eyes, I could do no better and they all told me we’d be perfect together.

How right these ladies were!

But I still made him wait 4 weeks! And when we took things to the next level, I knew what I was getting myself into and I knew he was worth it. And vice versa.

So…have y’all got my back? How long do you think the Singles should wait before jumping in the hay with a new man…and why? What’s your best piece of relationship advice? Come on…share the wealth…

I’ve been ROFL ever since reading Jenny Hansen’s post about things she’s learned from her spam files and search terms. I instantly headed off to visit and play in mine. I’ve been having a grand time ever since; a little ego feeding is good for the soul, isn’t it?! Even if it’s poorly written flattery…

“this really is an awesome post, i’m happy i came across this. i will be back to look at out more of your articles later.”

Well Andressa, you are welcome back anytime girl! Even with your poor grammar. Perhaps you should consider signing up for David Walker’sgrammar series.

I loved Elisete’s comment:

“great blog! the information you provide is quiet helpful, why i was not able to find it earlier. anyways i’ve subscribed to your feeds, keep the good work up.”

I don’t know why you hadn’t found me till now. It’s not like I’ve been in hiding. It is a public blog after all. Regardless, thanks so much for subscribing to my feeds because it is the best way to be sure to get my uberlicious posts every single week (hint hint y’all…click the “Sign Me Up Baby” button on the side and you can join Elisete and get my posts emailed to you)! I will definitely keep up the great work. For you…anything! BTW, you may want to consider joining Andressa in checking out David’s grammar series.

I couldn’t agree more UAE escort when he (or she) wrote:

“I think other site proprietors should take nataliehartford.com as an model, very clean and excellent user friendly style and design, let alone the content. You are an expert in this topic!”

I gotta say, I kind of like my ultra pink layout as well so I’m glad to hear I am not alone. And an expert. Wow, here I thought I was just writing about the first thing that came to mind. I had no idea that made me an expert. Squeeee!!!

And…last but not least, Aniele says:

“your blog happens to be not just informative but also very stimulating too.”

Well now…Stimulating?!??! That’s new! I had no idea….I’m kind of speechless on that one.

Search Terms Insanity!

The search terms that bring readers to me was quite enlightening and entertaining. In this last quarter, the top way people found me….

women peeing

I’ve become the place to go when you want to know about women peeing. Hmmm…not quite the brand I was going for but hey…I’ll take it.

Other top search terms:

natalie hartford blog (Phew….)

duck dynasty

womenpeeing (more of this, eh?!?!)

women peeing outdoors (Ok…this is starting to get strange…)

Looks like I might want to consider doing some more posts on…women peeing. Gotta please the readers, right?

Ever spend anytime in your spam folder? What fun things have you found? Any outlandish search terms bringing the readers to you? Come on…share the wealth….

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these

First….Happy Independence Day/Fourth of July to all my lovely American friends! I hope you all have a wonderful day and celebrate well and wonderfully!!! Now…on to a little UWW fun!

Facebook Philosopher: An individual whose Facebook statuses are often clichéd quotes such as “when in doubt, just take the next small step”, “make peace with the past so it doesn’t screw up the present”, or “sometimes it’s hard to understand, but time tells truth.” These give the impression that said Facebook user is wise, when in fact they are merely putting on airs.

Examples Of Use:

Hubby: have you been following Mel’s status on Facebook?

Me: not in particular…just whatever comes through my news feed when I happen to be online. Why?

Me: good for her for putting these lovely, positive affirmations out there for the world to enjoy. We could all stand to be a little more of a Facebook Philosopher.

Hubby: absolutely!

*Mel, only part of the definition applies to you – we don’t think you are “merely putting on airs” but are in fact…wise! So keep being the inspirational Facebook Philosopher that you are. We love it! And thanks for letting me abuse you for this edition of Urban Word Wednesday (I mean, you knew it’d happen eventually, right?! LOL)!

Know any Facebook Philosophers? What are some of your favorite quotes? Come on…Share the wealth…

More blog deliciousness here:

Near died reading Jenny from the Blog’s installment of Fifty Shades of Grey e-cards. If you haven’t read the books, they won’t be as funny but I was on the floor. Riot.

On Saturday, hubby and I went out shopping to pick up a few Mother’s Day items. We got my Mom a beautiful pot with spring flowers already blooming. While we were searching for a tombstone spray of flowers to put at Mamma’s K’s grave, we happened upon a beautiful man-made rock with a “memorial” phrase engraved.

When we both read it, tears sprung to our eyes. Had anything else said it so perfectly? Nope. It was so good; I got one for my Dad’s grave site as well. Hubby and I were very proud of our sentimental find.

So yesterday morning, we took my Mom for a brunch at one of our long-time favorite Mother’s Day buffets. There was every breakfast item one could imagine and then some. Plus they featured a huge lunch buffet which consisted of every kind of seafood, meat and chowder that was to die for. The dessert table was a dream come true. It was delicious. It was wonderful to spend the morning relaxing, chatting and just hanging out. Poor Mom was sick with a bad cold so we didn’t keep her out for long.

After dropping my Mom off at home, we headed off to honor Mamma K. Hubby planned a fabulous afternoon. We drove to Sussex (about an hour or so away) and hiked up a stunning mountain trail to a gorgeous bluff look-out. The sunsets are spectacular. It just so happened that when we got there, we were alone, which was lovely. We enjoyed the vista and spread some of Mamma K ashes under a bush where she’ll be out of the elements but will have an amazing view of the valley and the sunsets.

Hubby spreading some of Mamma K’s ashes

Mamma K’s View

Then we set off to visit her grave in St. Martin’s to lay the engraved rock.

There we were in the truck heading on our way. I reached in the back to get the rock to take the sales sticker off the bottom. I flipped it over and started to peel the ticket when something caught my eye. Right next to the price, it said “Memorial Stone Pet”.

Hmmmm….

Me: Hubby….ummmm…did you see the price sticker on the bottom?

Hubby: No, why?

Me: Well….it says here it’s a ‘Memorial Stone Pet’

Hubby: Really?

Me: Yip. The little gold paw prints up the side sort of make sense now.

*Both giggling at this point*

Hubby: Well…now that you mention it…that does sort of make better sense. Leave it to you and I to get my mother an engraved memorial stone for pets.

Me: Regardless what it was meant for, the engraved phrase is beautiful and sums up how we feel…so I say we stick with the plan.

Hubby: You know, if nothing else, Mamma K would get a kick out of it!

We chuckled the rest of the drive and we did leave the stone at her gravesite because regardless of what the intent was, the sentiment remained the same.

I am sure Dad will love his too!

How did you spend Mother’s Day? How do you honor your Mom (here or gone before you)? What gravesite memorials have you seen that caught your eye for one reason or another?

More blog deliciousness here:

I have a real issue with saying no. Seriously. It drives hubby batty sometimes. Although this post on 7 ways to say “no” with greater ease by the ever fahhbulous August McLaughlin is geared towards writers, I think everyone could benefit!

Oh and pssstttt…I am also guest posting today over at Myndi Shafer’s on my love of beauty pageants so be sure to drop by for a visit! I’d love to connect with you there.

Welcome to Urban Word Wednesday! New words, phrases, and sayings I am learning (and using in my day-to-day life) brought to you by ME…and the Urban Dictionary. You are gonna love these!

Turdburglar: An annoying person who rudely interrupts you while taking a dump by either knocking on the stall door or attempting to open it.

Examples Of Use:

As most of you know, hubby and I were down south for the last two weeks enjoying a lovely, most romantic vacation together. There was lots of hand holding, kissing, staring into each other’s eyes for what seemed like hours lost in the wonderment of our love…and there was turdburgling to keep us grounded in urban word reality!

I was in the bathroom enjoying a quiet morning read when all of a sudden hubby strolls in.

Me: excuse me????

*looking all horrified*

Hubby: what?

Me: ummmm….a little privacy please?

Hubby: oh, I’m sorry, are you pooing? I thought you were just doing number 1. Sorry.

*quickly making his exit*

Me (hollering): you are a total turdburglar! Now I can’t go. Everything’s locked up like fort knox. You’ve terrified my turd. It totally has stage fright now. Great!

Hubby: sorry honey!! Well…maybe the urge will come back later. Can I come back in and finish my hair?

So y’all know I can run into some issues with gas when I wrote about my fartriliquist abilities! I mean who doesn’t fart? There’s no way around it. It’s a bodily function we all deal with. It’s just unfortunate that sometimes we deal with it at the most inopportune time. Yikes!

I won’t lie. I’ve been faced with embarrassing situations where it was stay home with a case of raunchy gas or make it to a family gathering.

Or what about those times when you go to a friend’s house for dinner (with a bunch of other couples no less) and for whatever reason, the meal enjoyed reeks havoc on your system. Do you leave early and go home to be alone with your foulness or stay and pray you can pinch it off all night?

And what about those little doozies that sneak out with no dog to blame it on?

Or how about at work? You are in a meeting with just you and another person when you feel the gurgle and know in your butt of butts, it ain’t gonna be pretty. Pretty hard to put my fartriliquism abilities to good use when there’s just two of us in a meeting. Yikes!

The ‘discreet,’ antimicrobial pad sticks to your underwear (even thongs) so you can relax and let er’ fly. Any odor is neutralized by the activated carbon layer. Now all you need to worry about is keeping it quiet. There’s even a product demo video (good luck keeping a straight face watching this)!

Honestly, what can a person say after that?!?!

You can order a packet of 5 subtle butts for just $11.95 each here. I might have to take out stocks in the company to cover the amount hubby and I would need to purchase but y’all might fare out ok.

How do you handle gas issues? Think you’ll try Subtle Butt or stick to blaming it on the dog? Any embarrassing farting stories to tell? Come on…share the wealth!

It’s Twisted Tuesday and that means it’s time to enjoy a smile, giggle or laugh…here’s hoping I’ve provided it in spades…enjoy!

All right. Y’all know I’m a pretty active lady. I like the outdoors. I like adventures. Camping, ATVing, hiking, fishing; I’m into it. I dig it. I am at one with Mother Nature. So much so, I’m quite comfortable at using nature’s garden as my personal latrine. And I think I’ve mastered the art of outdoor urination!

Natalie’s 10 steps to the perfect outdoor pee:

Location, location, location! You need a spot where you can stand horizontally level but has a slight vertical downward slop. This is paramount to ensure a pant-protection pee stream occurs. Standing on a large tree root, at the top of a slope, or on a large rock works fine. Try to avoid ant hills. Although they do display perfect outdoor urination grade, certain species of ants can bite and it’s better safe than sorry on this one. Trust me. Lesson learned the hard way.

Drop your drawers! That’s right; this is no time for modesty. Strip those pants and undergarments down to your ankles. Trying to hide your naked butt from the bears is only going to ensure a piss-poor urination incident (pun intended).

Go deep! It’s all about the squat and tilt my friends. First, you gotta go wide in your stance and deep in your squat. Get right down there. The closer to the ground you can get, the less likely for unwanted backsplash.

Sit back. Yip, you read that right, now it’s time to tilt your pelvis slightly forward. It’ll feel like you are almost sitting back into your squat. The idea is to aim the firing squad down the slop. Trust me, in this squat pose; it won’t be a little tinkle coming out. If you point straight down this will only ensure nasty backsplash not to mention a urine puddle protruding into the shoe zone. Protect the shoe zone at all cost!

Grip and grin! Just before you “let go,” grip the outside of your pants and pull outward to keep your pants out of the line of fire. This will also help stabilize you in your exposed stance.

Relax and let go! Enjoy the freedom of watering nature’s garden.

Let nature run its full course. Your thighs are shaking, your balance is precarious, and you’re looking around to see if someone’s going to “come up on ya”. I understand your urge to cut the stream short and stand back up. Don’t let anxiety or poor physical conditioning get the best of you or you’ll wind up with urine stains marking your misfortune. Hold your perfect pee pose. If it helps, think of the toning you are getting.

Drip dry. Once your perfect pee is complete you must hold the stance for another few seconds to drip dry slightly. Personally, I like to add a slight bounce at this point. It helps shake off excess and also helps get the circulation back into my feet and legs.

Rise up half way and wipe.

Discard tissue (biodegradable of course) into the trees and reassemble.

Voila – my secrets to the perfect outdoor pee pose.

But even with this expertise there are times when all the squat skills in the world won’t save you from urination incidents. Squatting deep and steady after a few drinks can prove to be very challenging. Any slight wobble and the next thing you know you’ve got a damp pant leg to deal with. Or what about those outdoor concerts with their nasty port-a-potty’s where you have to hover. I mean, I can hold a deep, tilted back squat “pas de problem” but a half-poised hover after 3 beers, give me a break!

I mean, even my good friend Amber West encountered an uncomfortable urination situation on a trip to Mexico. She was touring the countryside when she found herself in high need to relieve and the only option; a sketchy outhouse with no door, just a bowl (no lid, no seat), a cock-eyed rooster, and the hover. Eeekeee!!!

You just hold GoGirl against your body, forming a seal, aim, and let er’ fly! This would greatly simplify my outdoor urination adventures but it’d also come in very handy at concerts, traveling, etc.

GoGirl is made with flexible, medical grade silicone. So you can dispose of it after use if you want…or clean and reuse. Their patented splash guard eliminates messing and spilling and GoGirl fits easily in your purse, pocket, or glove compartment for those “ya just never know” moments!