Come Sail Away with Us to Where Beautiful Words Flow Like Wine​​

“Look at him. He doesn’t have a care in the world.” Andie reached over and patted Freddy’s shoulder. “The poor boy. Is he always like this? Ignores everyone and does his own thing?”

Freddy kept on looking at the clouds and humming aimless tunes. Every so often, he would hum a recognizable tune, usually country like ‘Your Cheating Heart’ or ‘You are my Sunshine.’ Sometimes he would close his eyes and go into a light sleep.

Elaine sipped on her gin and tonic. “I’m getting so I can understand his signals and body language. For instance, when he wants another beer, he taps his glass on the table.”

“Well hell, I’d understand that and I’m not married to him.” Andie waved her hand in front of Freddy’s face.

“That’s true, but he won’t stop tapping until another beer is set in front of him. He takes dozens of short naps all day long and then sleeps like a log all night.”

“I missed some of what happened to him.” Nancy stared intently at Freddy’s face. “I was on vacation. What actually happened to him? I heard lots of different stories. One person said you shot him for fooling around. Someone else said it was a stroke. Most people mention lightning. Is that what happened?”

Elaine smiled at her husband. “He wasn’t fooling around. I would have broken the shotgun over his head.” She patted his cheek. “He was in the garden, as usual, hoeing around his prize tomatoes. He just can’t stand a weed or bug in his garden. I was sitting on the deck wondering whether I should go help him when all of a sudden out of a clear blue sky came a bolt of lightning. No warning. No dark clouds. No distant rumblings. Just crash bang, blazing blue lights and an ozone smell. I think it hit him dead center.” She paused to sip her gin and tonic.

Elaine nodded. “Freddy was thrown ten feet into the air. Luckily, he fell into freshly tilled soil. He jumped up and began taking his burning clothes off. He ran to the house, grabbed a garden hose and hosed himself all over. The only thing he had on was his shoes and they were smoking.”

“I bet that was a pretty sight.” Andie looked for the waitress. “How was he right then? Could he talk or has this condition gotten worse?”

Elaine thought for a few seconds. “Right then he was jumping up and down, moaning and groaning and still spraying water all over his body. I ran and got a few towels and started rubbing his back. That’s when he woke up the neighborhood with his screaming.” She rolled her eyes toward the sky. “How was I to know he was burnt all over? I called 911. They took him to the hospital. The doctors said to keep him moist and sent him back home.”

“What about his mind? Didn’t they notice anything wrong?” Nancy looked at Freddy’s hands. “I don’t see any burn scars.”

“The doctor said he had a bad case of sunburn and would be fine. His mind would return to normal in a few days. At least that’s what they said.” Elaine pointed her finger at a fly crawling on Freddy’s hand. “Watch.”

Freddy’s eyes eased open staring at the fly on his left hand. He slowly moved his right hand over and crushed the fly with his thumb. He brushed the fly to the floor and began humming.

“How in the hell did he do that? Why didn’t the fly just fly away?” Nancy looked at Andie. “What did he do?”

Elaine raised her eyebrows and grinned. “Freddy can control some things with his mind. Somehow he slowed the reaction time of the fly. That lightning bolt rearranged a lot of his thought patterns. Before, a great deal of his brain was used for talking. Now I think it’s doing something else.”

Andie leaned forward on the table. She lowered her voice. “How else is he different? Did this bolt of lightning effect him in the bedroom?”

Elaine turned two shades of red and tried not to grin. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“What does he do? What is different?” Andie looked at Freddy.

Nancy shook her head. “Don’t worry about Freddy’s new sexual habits. What else can he do with his mind?”

Elaine tore off a corner of a tissue and placed it on the table. She shook Freddy awake and pointed at the tissue. “Watch this.”

Freddy stared at the tissue and moved his hand slightly. The tissue quivered and turned over.

“Holy shit! Did you see that?” Andie looked Freddy over carefully. “He made that tissue move just by thinking about it.”

“It could have been a breeze or someone blew on it.” Nancy blew the tissue off the table. “He could have done that.”

Elaine shook her head and grinned. “He didn’t cheat. He can do a whole lot of tricks with his mind.”

“I don’t want to hear about Freddy’s bedroom tricks.” Nancy waved a quarter at Freddy and flicked it into the air. “If he can influence this quarter, we’re going to Atlantic City and play the slots.” She caught the coin and looked at Freddy. “I want ten heads in a row.”

Freddy drained his beer bottle and began using the bottle to tap on the table.

“Damn, the first two were tails. What’s wrong with him? I want to see those wheels turn and stop on the jackpot signs.”

Freddy kept tapping on the table and humming a tune.

Andie waved at the waitress. “Bring us a round of drinks and hurry up with that beer before he cracks the bottle.” She looked at Elaine and raised her voice to be heard over the tapping. “Why didn’t Freddy influence that quarter?”

Elaine watched the waitress trot from the bar with only the beer. She set it on the table and took the empty from his hand. Freddy grinned and caressed the beer bottle. “I think it has to do with the speed the coin is turning and the duration of the flip. Freddy never was too fast in his thinking.”

Andie waited until she had a fresh drink. “What about race horses? Do you think Freddy could speed one up or slow one down?”

Elaine wrinkled her forehead and looked at Freddy for five seconds. “He might be able to slow a horse down. I doubt if he could speed one up.”

Andie grinned from ear to ear. “Did you hear that? Freddy might be able to slow a horse down. I think it’s time to go to the harness races at Ocean Downs.”

Nancy slowly shook her head. “There are usually eight horses running. Can he slow down seven horses?” She tugged on Freddy’s arm. “Can you slow down more than one horse?”

Freddy looked at the clouds, grinned and spoke for the first time at the café. “Roberta.”

“What kind of answer is that?” Andie glanced at Elaine. “Freddy is in bad shape. He’s in a horse race with only one horse running.”

“He does that sometimes,” Elaine said. “He usually does it as a prediction. Freddy is saying that Roberta will soon be here.”

“No, no, he’s wrong this time. Roberta said she and Richard were going fishing for hardheads.” Andie looked at the entrance. “There are plenty of them along with rockfish and trout. She wouldn’t miss that for anything.”

“Roberta.” Freddy used his beer bottle to point at the entrance.

All heads turned in time to see Roberta step into the patio. She pulled up a chair and yelled for a beer. “What’s going on? How is Freddy these days? Is he improving?”

Andie nodded her head and caressed Freddy’s cheek. “Guess what he just did? He was able to slow a fly up enough to crush it with his finger and then he predicted you were coming. What do you think he could do at Ocean Downs?”

Roberta looked first at Freddy and then at Elaine. “Can he do that?” She waited until Elaine nodded. “Well, I got to go to the bank and get a little cash for tonight.” She looked at each of the women. “We are going to Ocean Downs tonight, aren’t we?”

That night they settled on a bench in front of the grandstand about fifty feet from the track one hour before the first race. Freddy was tapping on the bench with his hat brim. The women were studying their racing programs.

“For God’s sake, Elaine, go get the poor boy a beer. He is driving me crazy. I’m trying to study the program and he’s beating on the bench.” She waited a few seconds. “Bring us all a gin and tonic. I’ll get the next round. I’m so excited. We’ll soon be rolling in the money.”

Nancy grabbed Freddy by the arm and pulled him up. “I’m taking Freddy to the track fence. He can lean on the fence and get a good look.” She pointed her finger at the racing program. “Yellow is the colors for the first race and red the second. Do you understand?”

Freddy nodded and began walking to the fence. He watched the trotters and pacers circle the track during the warm up period before each race. Elaine brought his beer and Nancy’s gin and tonic.

“What horse do you like, dear?”

Freddy sipped on his beer and watched the horses. Three minutes went by before he indicated anything. He pointed at a red horse with yellow colors and the number eight. He looked at Nancy’s program. “Lonesome Dan.” He grinned at Nancy and began humming ‘Oh Lonesome Me.’

Nancy brushed at her hair and sat on the bench. “Freddy says Lonesome Dan in the first race is a sure thing. I left him with instructions to look at pacers with red colors.”

Andie looked at the eighth horse in the first race. She studied the racing information for two minutes. His genealogy, his winnings and finish positions for his last six races. “He’s ten years old. I doubt if he can even trot a mile. He hasn’t finished in the money in his last four races. Five races ago he finished third. I think Freddy is full of shit.”

Roberta stood on the bench to get a good view of the track. “I like Amos Hanover, the number two horse. He has a better record than Lonesome Dan. He also is starting from the number three slot. Old Dan is way out in the eighth slot.”

Nancy stepped up on the bench. “Well, I’m going to put ten dollars on Lonesome Dan’s nose. Maybe I’ll also bet two dollars on Amos Hanover. Here comes Elaine and Freddy. Let’s see what else Freddy has prophesized.” She waited until Elaine was ten feet away. “Well, what does Freddy say about the second race?”

Elaine frowned at Freddy and held her racing program in front of his face. “He says Harvest Queen in the second.”

Freddy was thumping the empty beer bottle against his left palm and singing a few lines of ‘Shine on Harvest Moon.’ He kept nodding his head, grinning and holding up ten fingers.

“Look at him.” Andie used her gin and tonic to point at Freddy. “That lightning bolt sure didn’t help his singing. Why is he holding up ten fingers?”

Nancy alternated looking at the racetrack and her racing program. “There she is. She’s an old grey mare. Freddy means she’s racing out of the tenth slot. The racing form says she thirteen years old and hasn’t finished in the money in her last six races. Her total winnings this year is only one hundred fifty dollars.” She waved her program at Freddy. “Are you sure about her?”

Andie stood up to watch the horses do warm-up laps. “I see Harvest Queen, the old grey mare. I think she’s limping. All the horses are flying by her as if she’s pulling an anchor. I’m not betting on that slow nag.” She studied her racing program for a few minutes. “This number two horse in the second race is the favorite. He can’t lose. I like his name too, Dynamite Jack. I going to bet him and my daily double bet is Lonesome Dan and Dynamite Jack. That’s eight and two.”

Freddy waved the empty beer bottle at Andie. He held up two fingers and grinned.

“Hold your horses. I’ll wine and dine you now, but if your horse loses, you’re buying me drinks for the rest of the night.” Andie nodded at Freddy. “And you are only getting one.”

“I’m going to stick with Freddy’s selections,” Nancy said. “I’m betting on Lonesome Dan and Harvest Queen to win in each race. I’m also betting them in the daily double. That’s eight and ten for the double.”

Roberta, and Elaine nodded agreement.

Two minutes before post time, everyone stood up on the bench to get a view of the track, especially a clear view of the homestretch. Freddy was sipping on his fourth beer and looking at other patrons. The horses were on the far side of the track getting in line behind the starting car. The race caller announced one minute until the start. The starting car had six of the trotters in good position behind the starting gate. Lonesome Dan was one of the stragglers.

Andie snatched on Freddy’s arm. “Get your horse up to the gate, dammit. Quit looking at people drinking beer. The announcer just said thirty seconds and Lonesome Dan is still not at the gate.” She paused a few seconds as the starting car increased speed approaching the starting wire.

“They’re off!” the caller yelled over the loud speaker. He ran down the order of trotters as they went around the first turn. Lonesome Dan was the trailing trotter.

Andie rolled up her racing program and smacked Freddy along side of his head. “Do you see where your horse is? He’s dead last. He was five lengths behind at the start. Why didn’t you move him up? I’ve got ten dollars on his nose so he had better start coming to the front.”

“Quit picking on Freddy. This is the first time he’s ever tried this.” Elaine watched as Lonesome Dan moved up close to the seventh horse. “See! He’s moving up.”

At the quarter pole, he was last. At a half-mile, they went by the grandstand the first time, the horses had bunched up but Lonesome Dan was still bringing up the rear.

“He might be last, but he’s gaining ground.” Nancy glanced at Freddy for a second. Freddy had his eyes on the bunch of trotters. “Look, he’s in seventh place. Come on Lonesome Dan.”

“Look at that fool go. He’s passing them all.” Andie grinned and looked at her tickets.

The caller yelled that Lonesome Dan was in third place at the three-quarter pole and all were approaching the home stretch. At the seven-furlong pole, Lonesome Dan took the lead heading down the homestretch in front of the grand stand.

The number one horse overtook Lonesome Dan midway down the home stretch and was a half-length ahead.

Andie yelled and tugged on Freddy arm. She saw that Freddy was looking at a woman in a low cut blouse. She yelled again and pointed at the race.

Freddy looked up and grinned. The number one horse suddenly broke stride and Lonesome Dan won by five lengths.

“Whooee, did you see that.” Nancy waved her winning tickets. “I have two ten dollar tickets on his nose.” She looked at Freddy and then Elaine. “Did Freddy have anything to do with it or were we just lucky?”

They settled down talking excitedly about the race until the payouts were posted.

“Look at that. He paid $10.20 to win.” Andie fanned her two ten dollar tickets. “I need a drink and I’m coming back with one hundred and two dollars.” She pinched Freddy on his cheek. “You sweet thing.”

Five minutes before the second race, Andie was watching the ten pacers mill around on the backstretch. She waved to get Elaine’s attention. “I don’t know whether Freddy had anything to do with us winning. But, when that other horse took the lead in the homestretch, Freddy was looking at some young woman’s boobs and wasn’t paying any attention to the race. I yelled at him and made him look at the race.” She paused for a second. “The number one horse broke stride right at that instant.” She looked at the race display and saw it was four minutes until post time. “Did Freddy have anything to do with us winning?”

Elaine glanced at Freddy. “I think he caused that other horse to break stride and that allowed Lonesome Dan to win.” She allowed five seconds to go by. “But you have to watch him. He is easily distracted. Especially by young women with big boobs.”

Nancy leaned back on her bench. “I’ll make sure there are none around when Harvest Queen is coming down the homestretch. I have two daily double tickets. Each one will pay five hundred dollars if old Harvest Queen comes in.”

“Well, I want Dynamite Jack to win.” Andie put her finger on Dynamite Jack in the racing program. She got Freddy attention. “He’s the number two horse.”

Everyone stepped up on the bench to see the homestretch.

Freddy gave a very brief nod and studied the pacers beginning to line up behind the starting gate. He glanced at his watch when the caller announced three minutes to post time. A blonde woman wearing a brief yellow halter walked by. Freddy stepped off the bench.

“Whoa! Where do you think you’re going?” Nancy grabbed his shirt collar as he tried to walk away. “You’re not following some big boob bimbo around. You’re staying here with us.”

The starting car began picking up speed toward the starting wire. All ten horses were in a decent straight line as the car accelerated. “Here they come,” the speakers boomed. Five seconds later, the pacers went under the starting wire at full speed. They were in a tight bunch going around the first turn. Harvest Queen was ninth.

The horses made one circuit of the half-mile track. Harvest Queen was in the middle of the pack.

Andie glanced down the bench. “Where’s Freddy?”

Nancy looked around. “He was right here a second ago. Do you think he went to get a beer? We only have one minute. I bet he’s following the big boob woman and she went toward the track.”

The two women stepped down and began walking hurriedly toward the track.

“Keep an eye out for Freddy. Don’t let him get away and make sure he watches the race.” Andie led the way through the crowd of racing fans.

At the three-quarter pole, Harvest Queen was third behind Dynamite Jack and Country Pride.

“Hurry, we got to find him soon.” Nancy jumped on a bench and scanned the crowd.

Harvest Queen and Dynamite Jack were a half-length behind Country pride at the seven furlong pole and turning on to the home stretch.

“There he is.” Nancy screamed over the noise coming from the crowd. “He’s at the fence standing next to that bimbo.”

The pacers were three abreast, pacing stride for stride, midway down the home stretch, a hundred yards to go.

Nancy grabbed Freddy’s head and turned it toward the three pacers. Andie pushed the big-boob-blonde-bimbo out of the way.