A Gratuitous Cheap-Shot Piece at a Genuinely Nice, but Unlucky Guy, Greg Oden

The hills may be alive in the plains of Oklahoma, but are most certainly not in Portland at the sound of yet another Oden season-ending injury

By David Berlin

Greg Oden is like the spouse that went to the store to get cigarettes and never came back. The former 2007 #1 draft-pick will miss the 2011-12 season after his fifth knee surgery. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll be back in 15…”

Oden is more of a disappointment to the Blazers than a school day during a blizzard is to third graders. Oden is more of a let down than a $15 alcoholic beverage, heavy on the ice. He’s more damaged goods than Cuba Gooding Jr.’s career post-Jerry McGuire.

I want to say to Blazers’ fans that it’s not the end of the world, it could be worse. Except it couldn’t be worse. Kevin Durant, the 2007 #2 pick, scored a career-high 51 points Sunday night to lead the Oklahoma City Thunder to the NBA’s best record.

This is as bad a draft scenario as you could possibly get. Clearly the Blazers asked the wrong girl to the prom.

Except, wait, there is one even worse scenario. Like, for example, if your team drafted the Durantula, maybe the best player since Michael Jordan, and then left your city altogether. Okay okay, when you look at it that way, it pretty much just sucks to be a pro basketball fan in the Northwest. But I hear the hiking out there is phenomenal.