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Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I'm not packing my mother guilt... or am I?

When I go away alone I zoom around going one million miles an hour, cramming as much awesomeness in to a short space of time as is humanly possible, and as awful as it may sound, I don't really miss my boys. I'm just too busy to.

I love my boy more than I can possibly describe and I (generally) enjoy being a stay at home mum to the Trickster...

But I'd be lying to you if the thought of hanging out with adults, uninterrupted sleep and not having to help someone to the toilet didn't excite me to the point of frothing at the mouth. Although depending on how much my friends have to drink, that last one may came up anyway.

I've been to four conferences and two blogging shindigs since the Trickster was born and he's only come to one of them because he was very little (and constantly on the boob) and Map Guy came along too for a bit of a holiday - the other times they've stayed home for some male bonding time. I've left for between one and three nights and it's only at the airport on the way home (or in a bath tub drunk as a skunk - don't ask) that the excitement of the time away fades and the realization that I haven't seen my boys in a while kicks in.

I don't feel guilty for leaving. For taking just a smidge of time to do something for myself. For lumping all the responsibilities on to Map Guy for a few days and having a bit of a holiday with some friends who I only see once every year or two.

As with any conference, I'm a ball of raw nerves and anxiety. But this time you can throw in some freaky strong hormones that have me swinging wildly from a blubbering mess to the Incredible Hulk. This previously reluctant-hugger is more than likely going to be hugging and crying then wanting to punch a cab driver in the throat (I have a thing with cab drivers, it's a long story). I may not have met you before, but I will be all gropey, guaranteed.

I'm now taking bets on just how long I last with the afore mentioned hormones coursing through my veins before I whip out my phone and come over with an attack of the mama guilts over photos of Tricky and MG, wailing to all and sundry that I MISS THEM! I MISS MY BOYS!! I WANNA GO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!

Do you get the mama guilts and miss your babies? Or are you too busy having a break to realize?

5 comments:

For me the guilt is instant but fades. Just as I leave it kicks in and I feel bad but once I get into whatever it is I'm doing and start enjoying myself (which can sometimes take a bit) I am fine. I don't feel bad because I am not there because I am here almost all of the time, I just feel bad that I am having someone else take over what is essentially 'my job'. Yep, even when it is Mr Black. Crazy, I know.

Isn't guilt something we automatically assume when we give birth? We should be doing this, or we should be doing that? I understand though, and know that you'll be home soon enough to help with the toileting, listening, doing and being. Enjoy the moment! x

Enjoy the time away!! It's still a fantasy for me - I can't imagine (even after 6 years) leaving the little ones with their daddy overnight. Perhaps if I was invited to something that required me and not them it would happen!