Background: A few weeks ago (when his primary care provider was gone) Alex was sent home from daycare because they thought he had pink eye. He did NOT have pink eye, we knew this. He just gets goopey eyes and rubs them when he has a cold, which he did have. So, in order to get him back to daycare, we had to take him to the Dr. and have the Dr. say he DIDN'T have pink eye.

While at the Dr. office, he did prescribe an antibiotic (antibiotic #1) since Alex's snot was pretty green and he'd had a cough for about 2 weeks. He was diagnosed with "sinusitis". I really thought long and hard about giving this to him, since he actually seemed fine. He had a cough and some snot, but he had a cold. He seemed mostly fine.

Well, we did decide to give it to him. And he got better.

But, on day 8 of a 10 day treatment (while on vacation!) he got sick again. Coughing and snotty. I thought this was really strange since he was on antibiotics. I decided to remember this, since it was odd to me and file it away in my memory.

Good thing I did. It was my new motherly instinct and it turned out it was right.

"Day 11" (means first day with no antibiotics) he was really, REALLY sick. He slept all day - very odd for him. He was extremely snotty, bad cough and now really goopey eyes. So much so that his eyelashes would stick together in the mornings. :(

As I said - we were on vacation.

"Day 12" he was still sleeping all day and each of us had to trade off with having our baby boy (who was now one year old) sleep on us all day while the other one would take the dogs down to the beach and get some fun for them. We decided to find a doctor and get some help. Something wasn't right.

So, now he was diagnosed with sinusitis, ear infection, and eye infection. He was given antibiotic #2 for a 10 day treatment.

March 24th (Monday) was day 5 and he wasn't really any better. I have never experienced a baby having an ear infection, although I've heard many stories. Although, it wasn't quite what I thought (screaming all the time) - he has been very cranky and very unlike himself. Nothing is quite right and there has been lots of screaming/crying. Just not continuous, thank god!

By day 5 the antibiotic should be working - I thought!

Things are so busy for us right now and so we decided to take him to his regularly scheduled 12 month visit, today (Wednesday). My instinct was right, again. His ear infection was not gone and Dr. Pregnant with her 3rd child confirmed this. (She is a great doctor, by the way. I have found that you can like a Dr. when things are good, but find out that you don't like them when things go bad. But, it's pretty bad and I still like her quite a bit.) She prescribed antibiotic #3, supposedly very strong along with some ear drops that help with pain. The pharmacist says it is a very good antibiotic and he should be much MUCH better in 3 days!

That's Saturday.

We can't wait for our little man to be his happy self again. We were beginning to wonder if his crankiness would ever stop.

We are hopeful, but I am really paying attention to my instincts since they have been right on when concerned with him.

P.S. We knew he didn't have pink eye. Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I didn't give him antibiotic #1... or if his regular care provider would've been there... or if a lot of things. I guess this is motherhood. I'm glad he's got the pain drops - makes a mom feel better.

Here are just some of the rocks I found to toss around and test gravity, among other things. Mama kept trying to get these out of my mouth, but I just wanted to test out my intestinal tract and see what would happen. Unfortunately, she got everyone I put in my mouth and I was unable to test this. Maybe next time...

I actually was quite happy here, considering that I was pretty sick

We posed for a family vacation photo in front of the lighthouse - what a beautiful day!

All in all, it was a really good vacation. Mama and Daddy were a little tired out - they talked about how it's different to go on vacation with a baby (I mean toddler!). They didn't get to sleep in, read books as much as they wanted or spend as much time on the beach as they are used to. But, I'm sure seeing me so happy and enjoying the beach was way better than rest and relaxation. I'm very sure!

Mama wanted to walk a little bit more down the beach than I could walk, so she strapped me on her back. But, after a while, I just couldn't stand it anymore! I wanted to get down on the sand again and walk for myself.

Oh! It was my 1st birthday down there. But, here's the bummer. I was pretty sick on my actual birthday. How rude is that? Sick on your first and only birthday so far? Well, it's a good thing we celebrated early while Grandma was there. I had chocolate frosting on a yellow cake, they sang me a song and I got this great balloon.

Here is the full rain slicker. It sure kept me warm and cozy.

I loved playing with everything you could find on a beach. Here is me with a stick. I also loved rocks, sand, driftwood, and watching the dogs.

Wow! What a vacation! I have so much to tell you all about. Well, first off - the house we stayed at is right behind me. Right on the beach! We could almost taste the salt water inside the house we were so close. Mama bought me this cute rain slicker at REI- what a great deal! It kept me warm and I was so DARN CUTE! Let me tell you - I loved the beach. I was talking up a storm and having to talk so loud because the waves were so loud. Walking on sand was a little more difficult than I'd anticipated, but I got the hang of it. Good thing it's soft when you fall!

Happy Birthday day to Alex. We are celebrating in our own way, with just our new 3 unit family. And it is a celebration. Although last year was very scary and I can't even comprehend what happened (still) sometimes, we are celebrating the life if Alexander. That's what it's all about - right?

Not about me or Lance, but our new life we created - our son. His birthday.

Now, since he can't decide and tell us what he wants to do - us parents made all the decisions this year. Like having small family parties and the decision to go on vacation and get away from it all.

But, our little, ususally spunky one year old, is pretty sick - so sick, in fact, that I am taking him today to see a doctor. Seeing a doctor on vacation wasn't one of the things I thought we would do down here. He's got a bad cough, runny (extremely) runny nose, and eyes that are watering really a lot. He's been pulling on his ear, but not crying and screaming like I've heard happens with an ear infection. But, I want the doctor to look anyways. He is also very tired and has been sleeping a lot. Quite unlike our little one year old man. He just seems to be getting worse, not better. So, better have him checked out.

We love being here at the beach, but pictured much more time at the beach. Since Alex is so sick, it's been sharing taking care of him, while the other one takes the dogs to the beach alone. So, I think we've decided to come home one day early. Not a big deal.

Lance and I looked at each other this morning, looked at Alex, looked at each other with a question in our minds, looked at Alex again and wondered if we were just dreaming. "Did you get up last night?" "No, did you get up last night?"

He SLEPT through the night! And I mean really slept through the night, not the 5 hour straight definition of "sleep through the night".

One of Lance’s good friends and his wife had just had a baby at ~37 weeks gestation and although everything was fine with the baby (lungs fully developed, no jaundice) the baby wasn’t feeding at all by breast or bottle and had to be transferred to the NICU instead of going home. They have a somewhat similar story to ours – mostly healthy pregnancy and pre-eclamsia in the end with a c-section. But, the Mom’s pre-eclamsia came on over a couple of weeks and finally at 37 weeks (where babies are considered “full term”) she was induced. Nothing happened for 2-3 days of being induced so they had a c-section.

Although there were many differences between our stories, there were so many similarities.

Lance’s friend had been calling him a lot to get advice, etc. About a week after their daughter was born, he called and asked if I had cried all the way home from the hospital after I was discharged but Alex was still there. He said – yes and it was normal. Lance then asked “Do you want us to come visit?” Yes, he said.

Side note: Leave it the guys! I was just telling Lance that I’m sure they would appreciate a visit – especially since they knew we had been through something similar 11 months earlier.

We visited them on a Wednesday night at a different hospital than the one we were at. I was thinking about it quite a bit the night before we visited. What do we say? What do they want to know? Am I going to be OK with going back to a NICU and seeing this? It was strange to be at a hospital again, smell the hand sanitizer. See how truly small newly born babies are – and have a hard time remembering how small Alex was. See the alarms and leads, and remember how I learned to read them and turn them off. Remember the 2 shifts of nurses per day – every day. Sometimes you were lucky and got the same nurse during the day for 3 days! The breastfeeding struggles. How “congratulations” doesn’t seem to be the right sentiment, for me at least.

I remember very clearly the night I was discharged from the hospital and thinking - how can I leave my baby in the hospital? The root of that question is so deep. I was very sick, had just had a c-section, and still had high blood pressure. Everyone wanted me to “get a good nights sleep” at home. I just felt like it was so wrong, at the time. I felt like everything had already gone wrong and this “choice” I was making was to go home and leave my baby at the hospital. I felt like there were two categories of new Moms – Good and Bad. Going home meant I was already in the Bad category and when you have that many hormones running around your body – you think this means that you will always be bad.

I told the new Mom I was visiting that I understood her not wanting to go home, and that I, too, felt this way when Alex was in the hospital. But resting and recuperating, it does help you out. Looking back, I think I healed faster and was able to take care of him more when he did come home because of resting.

I saw a look on her face – a wonderful smile and a new baby in her arms. From the outside she seemed fine. I remember feeling this same way – outside = fine, inside = totally not fine. Although, I have no idea if she felt the way I do - I felt like there was nothing else to do, because breaking down and realizing the enormity of what was happening (what had already happened) was too huge to comprehend.

I mean – I could’ve died.

Dead.

Alex, too.

If we were in a 3rd world country – I’m sure the chances of this happening would’ve been greatly increased.

Also – the look on my face was probably from the sheer amount of hormones running around in your body – massive amounts that I would best describe as a hormone fog. You are so emotional because of this and I told her that it would get better in about 3-4 months. I don’t know if the 3-4 months helped her or not. I know at that time, I would’ve thought that would take forever!

In the end, I feel like we helped them a little bit, at least gave them a view of 11 months down the road. I was really glad to see them and felt good about what I had told them about our experiences.