my life is glamorous

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Some things happened this past week. Seriously glamorous things; things that usually only happen to celebrities. Are you ready for this? Shit this cool probably doesn’t even happen to Paris Hilton or George Clooney. Okay, maybe George Clooney.

I got a check for $7,000 in the mail! And then I realized that the name on the “Pay to the order of line” was not mine, although the true recipient had the same last name as me. GODDAMN YOU, COMMON LAST NAME. Considered trying to deposit it anyway just to see what would happen. Decided against it; I dislike prison cells. My life as a broke-person continues.

We discovered bagged tuna! We meaning, my son and me. You see, canned tuna has long been a source of tension between Taylor and I. He loves tuna! Wants to eat it all the time! Since I am his mother (we assume) (tests remain inconclusive) (parentheses for fun) I am forced to be the one to open and drain the tuna for him. The gagging I do when I get a whiff of the tuna-juice prevents me from making his favorite tuna concoction as often as he’d like. With the discovery of this bagged tuna that has actually been around for years I’m just an idiot, which comes pre-drained, my darling son can enjoy tuna much more often, and I can enjoy not smelling tuna-juice. TECHNOLOGY: AMAZING.

I started taking supplements! Because I am old. It feels weird to go from not ever having to do anything to maintain your body and health to nearly constantly thinking about how this food will make you feel or how that quick movement will fuck your back for eternity. I have been having this problem where I am constantly tired. No amount of sleep or caffeine or exercise or sunlight was making a difference. So I picked up some melatonin supplements and while I was in the aisle I just bought five other supplements, because, fuckit, I don’t do anything half-assed, so I may as well get Centrum Silver and Depends. Fuck. I can’t even remember what the point of this post was anymore.