Punk broke out the Macho Man’s flying elbow in one of the only really fitting tributes we’ve seen so far, and hopefully those haters from five years ago can see why we Gen-1 ROHbots loved CM Punk so much, and know it had nothing to do with his bleached hair or basketball shorts. Tonight’s Raw should just be every good Randy Savage match from Saturday Night’s Main Event, and it should be about eight hours long.

In a related note, the worst part of Savage’s death hasn’t been the loss of childhood, it’s having to read those hacky obits where people say “he was really good, but now wrestling is terrible!” Update: During the greatest match of all time, Randy Savage sold George “The Animal” Steele biting him in the ankle even though he was wearing a thick-ass rubber boot. You were a dumb adult when you were a kid, too, you just didn’t realize it.

Worst: Mason Ryan’s Designer Ass Logo

“Okay, we need something on Mason Ryan’s ass.”
“What’s his character? What does he do?”
“Uh, his name is Mason Ryan? He looks sorta stupid, I don’t know what else he does.”
“Let’s put M and R on his butt and make it look sorta stupid.”
“PERFECT.”

Seriously, that high school art assignment on his butt needs to go. I think I heard it best described as “what Eugene would come up with if he had to create Maven’s logo.” My idea is that if he’s Welsh, they should put like 40 consonants across the back.

Worst: Is R-Truth’s Finisher Seriously Called “Shut Up”

I’m happy that Truth got a pay-per-view victory over an established star, because he needs a legitimate sense of threat to go along with his crazy new Madea/Jay-Z ultimate mash-up character. I’m not happy to finally realize his reverse STO thing is called the “Shut Up,” which now gives us TWO finishing moves on Raw with “shut up” in the name (the STFU is the other one, even if they don’t call the U anymore … I hope it still stands for “shut the f**k”).

If Truth is coming up with the names for these moves himself, he is worse at naming finishers than anyone has ever been at anything. Remember the “Lie Detector?” Truth or Consequences? The Hat Rack Crack? He should do an inverted DDT and call it the DON’T TELL LIES TO R-TRUTH THE BLACK WRESTLER.

Join The Discussion

"The Best and Worst of WWE Over the Limit: Cena and Miz Should Both Quit"

05.23.11 at 1:00 pm

Chris

Chavo is pretty rubbish at his job. It’s true.

05.23.11 at 1:09 pm

Jason

Man I hope the announcer feud is over. I guess it was a different idea to turn the announcers on each other but it’s dragged on to the point where it’s irritating.

05.23.11 at 1:11 pm

Vince Mancini

But did anyone get buttfucked?

05.23.11 at 1:17 pm

Senor Chang!

I always thought Chavito missed the chance to become his own wrestler once Eddie passed. The whole Kerwin White deal was extremely lame but they returned him to his Guerrero namesake for sentimental reasons. Dude has no shot at being even a midcarder in WWE…he is light-years behind Vickie when it comes to crowd interaction and lacks the flair to keep fans engaged in the ring.

Back to Over the Limit…No Kharma = Bullshit! I was looking forward to her Implant Busting somebody, ANYBODY! Cole/Lawler is hopefully over, Ezekial is pure garbage, Ryan is greener than turtle shit and Nexus/ Corre must end! They have taken away from Punk. That’s it.

Oh. Christian brings the best out of a predictable Orton and hopefully we see the strap on him again.

05.23.11 at 1:18 pm

Ragingape

Good writeup as always.

Chavo isn’t that bad. He’s serviceable. I agree that he shouldn’t be in marquee matches but he’s good enough to keep around.

Best strategy against Randy Orton? Pull Inoki vs. Ali and just lie on your back and kick the hell out of his legs.

05.23.11 at 1:21 pm

Brandon

@Vince – No, unless you count the people who paid $50 dollars to watch it.

05.23.11 at 1:29 pm

latimagic

The WWE Divas Championship belt is dumb-looking. I have a pitch: a male wrestler wins the belt by accident and is forced to carry it with him to matches.

Then he’s gotta defend it, because he doesn’t want to lose, but he’s embarrassed that he has to carry it with him to all of his matches and is introduced as the Divas Champion (“I’m a MAN!”). He’s constantly getting attacked by women backstage. It writes itself, really.

05.23.11 at 1:32 pm

Philip

Nice of you to (sorta) end the article on a high note at least.

05.23.11 at 1:38 pm

Dave

I haven’t seen the show yet so can’t comment on this too much until then but I will say that this is a highly entertaining read as always. I was saying to my friend yesterday “I imagine Cena/Miz and Orton/Christian will be decent”…I guess one out of two isn’t bad. I can’t wait for Cena to get good again…

Oh and the part about R-Truth and the names of his finishers is amazing. It’s also funny to me that Truth does that suplex into a stunner thing as a regular move and then always has something lame as his actual finisher.

05.23.11 at 1:42 pm

essequemodeia

I’d rather watch women’s soccer than read about wrestling.

05.23.11 at 1:51 pm

Brandon

@essequemodeia – Thank you for clicking through and taking time to comment anyway!

05.23.11 at 1:43 pm

Hirsby

“Truth and Consequences” isn’t a terrible name for a finisher. But overall, yeah, move names are not his strong suit. The no-music entrance is great, though. It’s a simple way to really set a guy apart from other heels — look at the Mr. Backlund character or Kozlov’s old Russian minimalist entrance.

05.23.11 at 2:00 pm

Rusty

These get better every week, B. I look forward to them during my afternoon super special bonus break I give myself at work after lunch.

I would pay $40 dollars to watch Kelly Kelly in a dune buggy chased by Kharma.

05.23.11 at 2:04 pm

AudeSapere

“I’d rather watch women’s soccer than read about wrestling.”

Thanks for the comment!

I’m glad I actually forgot that this PPV was even on, because I’m 99% positive that reading this recap article in five minutes is more worthwhile on several levels than three hours of supposed professionals being paid to entertain.

They should forget about the “Shut Up” and let R-Truth do the suplex-stunner as his finisher. They can call it the Truth Commission and bring in Luc Poirier to manage him, purely for the seven people in the world who would get that joke.

Re the picture on page 4: when did Little Guido become a referee?

05.23.11 at 2:24 pm

Huh

@AudeSapere

I was wondering the same thing about Little Guido. Was Sal E. the time keeper?

05.23.11 at 2:35 pm

Patrick

Sometimes it feels like CM Punk is the only guy in this company who likes professional wrestling.

It might just be the IWC’s bullshit getting to me, but turning Christian may backfire on the audience. Christian is the beloved underdog, Orton is the 8-time champion who’s been in the spotlight for what feels like two decades.

05.23.11 at 3:20 pm

85

I liked the part of the I Quit match where Miz just smoked Cena about 15 times in the guts with the cane. The rest of it was like I was being caned. Holy fuck. Do the writers just force Cena to watch an endless loop of Hulk Hogan comebacks and say, “Like this, but 8 to 10 times faster.”

Also, Orton should demand that he wrestle no one but Christian until Summerslam, and threaten that if this demand is not met, he will go to the papers if he has to.

05.23.11 at 3:41 pm

KYIrish

But Ahmed Johnson needed the pads because of Faarooq’s Gladiator Helmet!

Brilliant, Brandon.

05.23.11 at 3:44 pm

muslimsRpigs

Did any of the guys blow each other this time or just a bunch of rubbing and touching?

05.23.11 at 3:48 pm

Brandon

You know, I’d think a guy with the name “mulsimsRpigs” would think pro wrestling was awesome.

05.23.11 at 3:46 pm

Patrick

@muslimsRpigs

Yep, they finally did!

05.23.11 at 3:47 pm

KYIrish

@AudeSapere

Ah, the Truth Commission. The dark days of the “Gang Wars:.

05.23.11 at 6:17 pm

Silver King

@Brandon – The Dr. Wagner reference was great.

Thanks for watching the train wreck for us.

05.23.11 at 6:42 pm

Jacktion!

I think Cena and Orton should both stop wrestling, and just be awarded every victory, because we all know what’s going to happen.

BTW, Ezekial’s “weird” music is the Brawl-For-all theme, which WWE gives to every large, imposing guy who really doesn’t do very much.

05.23.11 at 7:59 pm

SMBaublitz

Miz: Do you quit Cena?
Cena: No.
Miz: I’ll kill you and your family. Just give up Cena!
Cena: No.
Miz: I killed the Macho Man. I will do the same to you. Will you give up?
Cena: No.
Miz: Do you want fries with that, Cena?
Cena: No.

05.24.11 at 11:48 am

Okuma

This just in, Cena is a terrible egomaniac who will not let himself ever be interesting. You can’t blame the suckocity of the Cena/Miz match on Miz. When Miz first showed up, he was bad, but there was always that little something there that said he can be good, great even. And I think he has done that. The problem now is the Shit-ass writers that WWE is employing. Seriously, I bet you go into any of their homes and they have a fucking shrine to Cena up, with hearts and unicorns and their names written in flowery script saying “Mrs Tom Cena” or “Mrs Tom Jones-Cena.” Seriously, I’m so fucking BORED of Cena right now. He was enjoyable to watch…5 years ago. Now it’s more formulaic than imitation tit milk!

05.24.11 at 5:29 pm

Paul

Know what’s a great idea? If you see an article you totally aren’t interested in, clicking on it anyway and reading it. Make sure to post a comment, too; otherwise we won’t know what a great time-waster you are.