Debunking Five Common Myths About Introverts

We live in the world ruled by the extroverts. "People's people" thrive in our society -- the quiet types get overlooked. There is a stigma attached to being an introvert. Introversion often seems to be considered something akin to mental illness -- or at the very least as an unfortunate and undesirable character trait -- a sign of a boring, grumpy, slow, or antisocial individual. But contrary to the popular opinion, we are neither misanthropes nor dullards.

Myth #1: Introverts Hate People

Because introverts tend to limit their social interactions, extroverts often assume that introverts are anti-social misanthropes who hate people. This is absolutely not the case. The difference between extroverts and introverts is not in the amount of liking they have for people, but in the way the two types interact with others. While the former are energized by a whirlwind of social activity, the latter are tired out by it. Most introverts enjoy interacting with others, but unlike extroverts, they find social activities draining rather than invigorating, and need alone time to recharge their batteries. This has nothing to do with dislike of people -- merely the way their neural pathways are wired. It has been shown that extroverts and introverts have different brain structures and engage different parts of the brain while thinking.

Myth #2: Introverts Are Shy

While some introverts may be shy, shyness and introversion are not synonyms. While both shy people and introverts may shun many social situations and activities, they do it for different reasons. A shy person does so out of fear and apprehension. Introverts do so simply because they have no interest in certain activities and types of social interactions -- they find them not exactly scary, but merely boring, meaningless or thoroughly exhausting.

Myth #3: Introverts Are Arrogant

When an introvert's reserved manner is not mistaken for shyness, it may be regarded as haughtiness. Introverts who are regarded as confident and intelligent are especially prone to be misidentified as aloof snobs. And it is easy to feel snubbed when an introvert mumbles a one-word response to your friendly question and turns away. However, the great majority of introverts do this not because of disdain for other people, but because constant social interactions tire them out, and they prefer to save their energy for talking about topics they are passionate rather than spend it all on light chit-chat.

Myth #4: Introverts Have No Friends

Nothing can be further from the truth. As a matter of fact, it can be argued that introverts make the best friends. Unlike extroverts, who effortlessly make numerous but relatively superficial social connections, introverts are usually far more selective when it comes to befriending people. However, when they do reach out to someone, they tend form very deep, meaningful and long-lasting bonds. That is not to say, of course, that all extroverts are shallow or phony -- of course they nurture close and meaningful connections as well. However, they do tend to spread themselves more thinly when it comes to social interactions simply because of sheer numbers of people they are acquainted with. Introverts have fewer connections to maintain, which means they have more time and energy to nurture and cultivate their close friendships.

Myth #5: Introverts Are Dull and Have Nothing to Share

This is not an uncommon misconception and, frankly, it's difficult to blame the extroverts for it. After all, when that lonely guy just sits quietly in the corner all by himself when everyone else is engaged in friendly banter at the party, what are you to think? When your co-worker is doodling away during a meeting, amidst an excited discussion on how to best move the project along, it's gotta be because he has nothing to contribute, right? Because of this, some extroverts wonder if relating to introverts is even worth it.

The truth is that many introverts are incredibly talented and creative people -- certainly no less so than extroverts. Because they are drawn more towards introspection and deep thinking, they often come up with original and uniquely creative ideas. However, those ideas may often go unnoticed, because introverts present them to the world differently from extroverts. Brainstorming, which is generally lauded is a great way to get creative energy flowing, is something many introverts detest -- tossing around a bunch of half-baked ideas is distracting and irritating to an introverts because they prefer to process and formulate their thoughts internally before speaking up. And once an introvert has formed an idea, she may find it incredibly challenging and draining to communicate it when the conversation tends to be constantly overtaken by those with bigger mouths and she feels she can't get a word in edgewise.

However, in the right setting, the introverts can flourish. Give us a meaningful topic we care about, time to think about our opinions on it, and a way to express those opinions without having to fight for "air time" with the group's chatterboxes -- and you may get a lot of useful input. As an introvert, I have over the years surprised many teachers, bosses, co-workers, and acquaintances who mistook my "thinking" look for a "bored and distracted" look, and were amazed when I suddenly chimed in and offered productive suggestions and valuable insights.

Replies to This Discussion

While the former are energized by a whirlwind of social activity, the latter are tired out by it. Most introverts enjoy interacting with others, but unlike extroverts, they find social activities draining rather than invigorating, and need alone time to recharge their batteries.

Hello again, my friend. Quite fascinating. Really interesting read. Never gave this much thought before, but you kinda know how I feel. Glad to pick up more information, as always. Always helps. Will check this site out now that I know of it. Be well.

This makes a nurse I work with much easier to understand. She is definately an introvert, she has stated as much. This will help. I am definately an extrovert, but I have my quiet, contemplative moments as well. Hope it's a good balance. I tend to think so. Be well. You are appreciated for who you are.

Yes, very misunderstood. I am so tired of people saying "Oh, she's just shy" I wanna scream when I hear that. or that the reason I don't go to parties is because "she hates so-n-so". I don't hate anyone.

Draining isn't even the word for it. There's times I wish someone would just take a baseball bat and knock me out. It makes me feel horrible after being at a huge social event.

I have been accused of Myth #1 by co-workers because I only sporadically attend company christmas and 4th of July parties. Points I totally agree with:

1. Large social gatherings are draining. To many conversations, to much "noise".

2. Introverts don't hate people - I love to talk to people, but I prefer one on one or small group conversations. Also, I prefer to talk about important things like politics, science, recent medical discoveries, etc. If you start talking about Facebook gossip, whining about how your kids want to do nothing but play video games, etc, you'll lose me. *The lone exception to this is local sports. Start talking about the Steelers, Pirates, or Pens and I'll talk your ear off all night.

Now a question for all: Do any of you other introverts absolutely hate talking on the phone?

I do, but I don't know why I'm such a "face to face" talker. P.S. This extends to the internet as well, I'll probably get on Atheist Nexus 5 or 10 times before I actually post any replies.

I don't like talking on the phone. I do use a headset when playing video games, however, we only discuss the game itself and strategy and we don't have to talk about personal things. So yes I hate talking on the phone. I'm better at texting and chatting - I like it better. But I do use the phone when I need to. I can't avoid it altogether.

Thank you so much Devianz! I fell the same way. I am also not good at small talk and large groups of people are emotionally draining to me as well. People always say that I'm a very quiet person - nice - but quiet.

Can I just reply to this with a big 'YAY' and not seem like a five year old? This was so perfect to read! I want to send it to my mother but it will undoubtedly start an hour long argument on "why its wrong to be (choose term of choice)" but when I read this I kept going 'Exactly!'. So many extroverts, like my mother, don't understand that it's not that I dislike people (although I do dislike some people) but that all the phoniness just takes too much energy that I would rather spend on a biology book or something.

And yes, like some of you, I hate talking on the phone as well. I don't even like talking to my best friend on the phone. I'm always telling her to text me or IM me.