Let’s Redefine Family!

In 21st century when the whole world is worried about nuclear war, I am worried about another term associated with the word nuclear which is also equally dangerous, not to the world but to the society; that is “Nuclear Family”. Lots of organizations are working together to avoid any chance of a nuclear war. But does anyone of us is really worried about the fact that, what change nuclear family is bringing to our society.

Actually, the concept of the nuclear family was first noticed in Western Europe in the 17th century. A nuclear family is defined as a family group consisting of a father and mother and their children. But now a days this concept is spreading in all over the world, there may be lots of reason for this-

May be people are becoming very selfish these days.

May be people don’t want interference of other family members in their lifestyle.

May be people don’t want to compromise with the financial gains by caring about other people in family.

May be people don’t want to take the responsibility of the family.

May be people want to bring up their children the way they want without much interference of “others”.

But how can they forget the fact that whatever they are today is only due to those people who are now coming under the category of “others”.

In today’s time, it will not be wrong if we say, family does not mean living under the same roof; but it involves sharing your emotions, your sorrows, your joys with other members of the family. Now it can’t be possible that all members of a family will stay together, as everyone has to go different places to earn his livelihood. If children will spend time with family, then only they will learn the value of relationship. They can learn all the important aspect of life like- to give and take, to be patient, cooperative, and tolerant and to adjust with the other family members.

The most important question arises here is, “can nuclear family be the best family structure?” For me it’s definitely not! And the reason why I am thinking so is – No one can take the place of a child’s grandparent. We may try to replace them with a nanny or a babysitter. But a nanny or a babysitter can’t give that child those values which his/her grandparents can give. A nanny or babysitter can’t give that child that much love which his/her grandparents can give. A nanny or babysitter can’t take that much care of a child which his/her grandparents can take.

I know you people are very intelligent to understand what this picture is all about. Still It’s my duty, so i am going to explain what this picture is all about.

25 years earlier a man & a woman got married. Then they had their children. They were a happy family by then, having all the members of family together. One year earlier their son & daughter got married. Now daughter became part of someone else’s family and son do not feel the need of his parents anymore. Son is thinking that their parents can take care of themselves. So why he will tolerate the interference of them in his life. Now his family constitute of him & his wife. Few years later his children are going to be added to his family. But what about his parents? Who will take care of them in their old days, if their own child is taking them as burden? But Life goes in circle. So few more years later their grand son will get married. Then what their son did with them, same thing going to happen to their son. I am not sure by then, their son will realize his mistake. But if he will, then also it is going to be too late.

So, yes it’s true we can’t bring much change to the world by controlling terrorism or by avoiding any chance of a nuclear war as we are not that much powerful. But for sure we can bring a change in the society by not going for the concepts like nuclear family, because it’s in our hand and we are the people who are making the choice. One day we all will grow old. And we will not fit into the nuclear family structure. So today we are making the choice, but after few years we have to accept the choice of our next generation. So let’s give a real thought to this one…. And let’s opt for a right family structure. Let’s start giving values to our family members emotion & let’s start giving value to the relationships we have. Let’s realize that our parents need our hand to walk in their old days & let’s compromise with our style of living, so that our parents will feel comfortable…… Let’s use the words like “We” & “Our” instead of “I” & “Me”.

I think you hit the nail on the head by suggesting we put value and emotion into whatever family structure we find ourselves with. It doesn’t matter if its Nuclear or unconventional, family is family and it should embrace it in whatever form it comes to us in!

Thanks a lot Stephanie. Nice to see you in my blog after a long time. You last visited my blog when i just started blogging.
Yes what ever points you mentioned in your comment were really true. We must give values to emotions of our family members and we must embrace in which form our family comes to us in. :)

It’s bad that the 21st century has only nuclear families, but if people don’t have money or don’t want kids…it’s better to remain just with one child. :-| …Now I’m thinking about gypsies who have lots of children but they exploit them and they grow up being poor and unhappy.

Yes what ever you said was true to an extent. But I don’t think that 21st century has only nuclear families. In today’s time also there are family who are happy being together. But yes their number are very less for sure. It’s an individual’s choice to define family the way that person wants to. And it will be very hard to argue on which one is best family structure.

Hmmmm…. I’m a little confused. Are you saying we should include our parents and grandparents in our household? Where families marry but stay home and build a larger family in one family unit? I definitely see value in that – though I think respect for elders can be given while living separately, too.
When my Mom reaches a point where she needs help – I’ll be there. Right now, she wants to live on her own and she is very independent. I think lifestyle, health and tradition has a great deal to do with the family dynamic. It is not a one size fits all kind of thing.

You got it right Lenore that respect for elders can be given while living separately. That’s why i wrote that, in today’s time it’s not possible for everyone to live under a single roof. But what i want to say is that, we must make them feel their importance, who belongs to our family. Their priorities in our life should must not decrease with time. Because what ever we are today are only due to them.
Just like your mom, my mom is staying alone. I am staying some thousand Miles away from her. From past 6months i did not even see her face. Still i know i am just one call away from her. Whenever she is going to need me, i will be there. I know her priority in my life will never change. She is going to remain the most important person in my life, even though i have few more important people to take care of after few more years.

I don’t think that it does matter if a child has its grandparents around all the time or not. And it doesn’t matter if a woman works & isn’t home all day. What counts is HOW you spend time together. If you can afford children it s ok to get 2 or more. But time has changed, you don’t need children that take care of you when you are old and grey, like it was needed 100 years ago.

Yes i also want to highlight that same point “all that counts is how you spend time together”, but by adding one more thing to it that “How much time we are spending together”. For me that is also equally important, and according to me a person can still spend enough time with those people even though he/she works. Yes everyone has their own life & point of view. Still in my point of view, parents do not need us to take care of them; but they need us to love them just as they did when we were child & make them feel their importance even though they are old & grey. :)

I’m so happy you posted about the importance of grandparents in a child’s life. I couldn’t agree more. As with any relationship, of course there are challenges. Big ones, as the rearing of a child is at hand. But the rewards — the possible rewards — are endless.

I was fortunate to grow up in a home where my grandmother lived with us. I never knew my home without her in it. And so much of who I am today is a reflection of her, and for that, I am grateful.

Have you read Charles’ post about his grandmother? It’s phenomenal. Here’s the link:

Thank you Melissa for getting connected with this post. May be i was not good enough with this post , to make others realize the importance of grand parents in a person’s life. But I am really glad that at least you could. Thank you for that.

No i have n’t read Charles post about his grand parent. May be i was not part of this blogging world by then. But i am going to read it today for sure. I know everything Charle’s post is worth a read. Thanks for this reference.

By the way, now a days you are not posting too often. I hope you are not tired with this whole blogging concept.