A hen and her 3 little chickens were trying to cross a
busy highway. After great efforts they all managed to
cross it. One of the little ones yells out
happily-"Wow....after so much efforts, all 5 of us
managed to cross"....

A man died and went to into the skies. Yamraj met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, 'Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you - we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?'

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied,
'Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of goons. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the gang. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!'

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.
Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."

once a teacher giving away the lecture asks a question : if ram is five times older than his son then tell me how many litres of water is there in the water tank of my house?
a student replied : 80 litres mam.
teacher : correct !!! but how did u calculate?
student : because my mom cooked beans in the breakfast !!! 😉 😉

Hello people, its psycho out here. New to this forum. I'll post here few funny and serious mails which I receive, as I want to share it with all people out here. Do reply and let me know if you like my thread, otherwise I'll close it. And, admin sorry if I happen to break any rule unintentionally.

*Honorable MEN*
*
Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man) *

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man;and
if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river,
his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,
"Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the
axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this
your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?"
the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?"
the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to
keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the
riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord
again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with *Mallika Sherawat*. "Is
this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to *Mallika Sherawat*, You would have come up
with *Bipasha Basu*. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with
my *wife*. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I
am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mallika Sherawat."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and
honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

Welcome to the board, psycho! You are not breaking any rules. Do introduce yourself in the Introductions thread. We don't really believe in setting up rules but it would be nice investing your time reading (Click) -> CE-Common Sense

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team
now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for
something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals
promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard,
and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has
disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals
disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After
the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of
you idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the
cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders,
managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU
ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person
who is working..........

Two friends are walking in jungle. Suddenly a tiger appears in the distance running towards them. One friend pulls the pair of "NIKES" out of his bag and quickly puts them on.
With a surprising look, the other friend says,"you don't really think you can out run that tiger with those?"
"I don't need to out run the tiger", his friend replied calmly,"I just need to run faster than you."

A man wanted to determine if both, his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behaviour.
When his wife returned he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behaviour of the passenger he knew to be his mistress.
"she flirt with nearly every man on the ship", his wife reported.
The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same question about his wife.
"she was a real lady." his mistress said.
"how so?", the encouraged man asked.
"she came on board with her husband and never left his side."

Hey you didn't replied to my last mail !
Well, let me make your job easy. Just go through the lounge, and you'll find there are couple of threads for puzzles! Hope you have noticed that, and ignored it. And, you wanted your thread to be famous thats why you deleted my thread and you posted my jokes into yours. Why you are jealous of me? Why? Grow up. Grow up. Why you moved my posts into your thread? Cause, already you've started jokes thread and want me to put my jokes in your thread? Then, why you don't follow the same rule for puzzles section! Cause you want replies? Even you didn't replied to my last mail, cause you were wrong. Why you are acting so? Whats wrong with you? Expecting your answer.

Hey you didn't replied to my last mail !
Well, let me make your job easy. Just go through the lounge, and you'll find there are couple of threads for puzzles! Hope you have noticed that, and ignored it. And, you wanted your thread to be famous thats why you deleted my thread and you posted my jokes into yours. Why you are jealous of me? Why? Grow up. Grow up. Why you moved my posts into your thread? Cause, already you've started jokes thread and want me to put my jokes in your thread? Then, why you don't follow the same rule for puzzles section! Cause you want replies? Even you didn't replied to my last mail, cause you were wrong. Why you are acting so? Whats wrong with you? Expecting your answer.

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated,
"This is where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.