A Shepherd’s Portrait

Actor #2: But what kind of shepherd is God? Through the years we have asked this question.

Actor #1: The deceiver has painted many portraits of God as shepherd. Perhaps you have one hidden away in the gallery of your psyche. Here are a few:

Actor #2: Imposter #1—

Actor #1: The dictator is my shepherd I shall not want. He leadeth me with his booming voice—

Actor #2: “You foolish creation! How dare you wander away from the flock. You are in trouble, big time! You hear me? Big time! Have I not told you time and time again to be good or else! And wipe that smile off your face. Grow up! Take your vitamins. Stand up straight. You’ll never measure up. What? Now you’re crying! Oh great . . . that’s just great. Stop crying before I give you something to cry about. I can’t believe how insolent you are. You are driving me crazy!”

Actor #1: After this long litany of complaints He grabs you by your wool sweater collar and his eyes bug out.

Actor #2: “You ought to be grateful that I didn’t kick you into the next century. I’m going to count to ten and if you don’t get back into the fold you are history!! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9- BOOM!”

Actor #1: Lost Relationships

Actor #2: Boom!

Actor #1: Failure

Actor #2: Boom!

Actor #1: Financial problems

Actor #2: Boom!

Actor #1: Depression

Both: Boom!

Actor #2: Imposter #2- The preoccupied one is my shepherd I shall notwant. He leadeth me as soon as He gets off hold.

Actor #1: “Greetings woolen ones!”

Actor #2: “Hi! This is Joe Lamb?” you say. But then you realize its not really him.

Actor #1: “You’ve reached the shepherd voice messaging system. Thank you for calling. Sorry I’m not in right now. I’m either listening to someone else’s bleating or in a meeting. Please feel free to use our automated information system.

If you have a financial need Press 1.

If you are ill press 2.

If you would like to make a request on someone’s behalf press 3.

If you wish to report any mad cows press 4,

If you are calling about being attacked by wolves press 5.

And if you are lost please hold and someone will be with you shortly.

Due to the fact that this is a heavy calling period, actual ‘on hold time’ is four to five days. Response time may vary. We are sorry for the inconvenience. For quicker response visit our web site at:

Actor #2: I knew this would happen. I really did. I can’t trust you, can I? You could be like the others. But noooooooooo! You got lost again. Hmmmm. What a shame. Yes shame. Shame on you! Shame, shame, shame, shame. Now am I going to have to put you in the corner of the pin.

Actor #1: Imposter #4— The judge is my shepherd I shall not want.

Actor #2: He leads me into sheep qualification trails

Actor #1: “Oh . . . you again. Yeah, sure I’ll be your shepherd. Are you ready to try again? Remember all you need to do is jump through these three hoops. Then I’ll be your shepherd. If my sheep dog can do it, you can too.”

Actor #2: “But my left front leg is broken and I’m not that fast,” you explain.

Actor #1: “Oh that’s too bad. You’d make a great member of the flock if you would stop making excuses and set aside your personal problems. I run a tight ship and if it is too hot, well then by golly, get out of the kitchen!”

Actor #2: And there are many other shepherds.

Actor #1: But there is only one Good Shepherd.

Actor #2: He’s not the ogre waiting for us to forget to floss so He can swat us with his golden fly swatter.

Actor #1: He’s not a passive god who sits around drumming his fingers on the throne, watching CNN for the latest on world-sized problems while yawning at our infinitesimal requests.

All: That’s not who God is.

Actor #2: The Good Shepherd is walking through the wilderness at nightfall.

Actor #1: His hands are calloused and wounded from caring for His sheep.