I do not think or pretend to be an innocent party in an affair but I have noticed that so many women think I am the absolute worst person in the world…no morals, no class, an idiot, etc…this post really isn’t to defend what I do because I am okay with the way I live my life but more to express an odd trend that I have noticed…

If a woman finds out her husband is having an affair after the initial shock most women immediately start to find a way to blame the other woman…I have heard women try to get it through their own heads that their husbands were pursued by the other woman (is your man that weak that he cannot make his own decisions?), I have heard that the affair was partially their fault as the wife (yes, you can take some responsibility for issues in your relationship but really?! you personally made your husband go stick his penis in another woman?)…..basically here, we have a grown man who clearly made his own decision to have an affair…let’s keep in mind also that the man who is involved is the one who took vows to stay in a relationship and also claims to care about the woman he is married to…this other woman who everyone attacks typically has no loyalty or reason to care about this man’s wife (let’s assume that these women are not friends b/c I would never cross that line with a friend’s man) but yet the woman is still the terrible person….not the man?

So once get over the excuse and accept the affair for what it is the next decision is if you are going to continue the relationship and let’s assume here that you decide to “fix” your relationship…most women think that part of fixing a relationship is trashing the other woman a lot of women decide to immediately tell everyone about the whore their husband was sleeping with (um, once again, your husband didn’t do anything wrong? where is his label?) and beyond that women start to obsess over the other woman…what does she look like? what does she drive? why did my husband pick her? how can I insult her in my every thought?…I’ve always thought this was hilarious especially when I read some of the letters to the other woman (some women have sent those letters to me)…first off, I never wanted your husband to leave you for me, he’s a cheater, why would I want to be in a relationship with a cheater? I got what I wanted from the affair and your husband got what he wanted (and possibly a bit more if you found out)…I also think it’s funny that so many women sit around and spend hours obsessing over what an affair partner is like beyond the affair…they find new ways to insult their husband’s affair partner and let her occupy their thoughts more than working on their relationship occupies their thoughts……if you really are committed to repairing your relationship after an affair that should be your main focus (if your man will not get rid of a mistress get rid of him ladies) but so many women focus on destroying the other woman or dealing with their feelings towards her….maybe you should realize that anger is a bit misplaced, your husband is the one that ultimately betrayed you, she could have said no but he could have never started the affair…

Share this:

Like this:

LikeLoading...

Related

About C.X.Love

I'm the woman that most females hate...I am the other woman in your relationship or in some cases just the woman your husband had an affair with...this MY side of the story, not that you care but maybe some of you can protect your relationships from me...or maybe some of you will just be entertained because my life is amazing...

124 Responses to Homewrecker, whore, slut…but what is your husband?

How true! Blaming another woman and hating her is less confronting than demanding better for yourself by dumping the cheating man or looking at your own contributing behavior. That’s why women blame and hate other women rather than their own husbands, pain makes fools of all of us.

Thats how it happened for me. The wife acted like her husband was the victim. My MM was a ex bf from when we were teenagers. We had a year affair . I was going trough alot with my Husband. MM talked on facebook and met up I had filed for a divorce in 2010,before I started talking to MM. My husband had moved out but we were still trying to work things out. My husband gotta hold of my cell one night and took MM number , one weekend we were camping ( MM and I) Hubby kept calling my cell and MM cell. But long story short I didnt wanna be with MM anymore and wanted to work things outwith my husband so I told MM’s wife about affair with help from a good friend. I just didnt wanna deal with MM plus I was worried he would tell my husband. What is really messed up is MM turned this around on his wife and told her he did this with me cause she wasnt paying attention to him… He took my situation I was having with my husband and used it to make her think he cheated with me for a year because of her not paying attention to him. It’s kinda funny and sad she thinks he’s telling her the truth . She called me old and ugly lmao and trailer trash Ho wow I told her I didnt take a vow with her he did and I am far from being ugly and i’m 45 lol shes 41 hes 47. I had to block her on facebook and make another facebook to get away from her I havent bothered with her husband in months and she still would message me. This MM was gonna leave his wife of 20 something yrs i didnt want him I wanted to work things outwith my own husband. I tryed ending it many times but he would always text me or call I even deleted him from facebook. I was affraid he would find out I was going back to my husband so I had to piss him off by telling his wife so he would have no way of getting ahold of my husband. I find it crazy that the wife forgives the husband and its all the OW’s fault her great hubby did no wrong lol please that man was a pro, he is very sneaky he held onto everything I gave him right up till he was caught than she told me the blanket u made him he trew that out and ur t’shirt and etc. hahah if I was just a lay why did he hang onto everything until he got caught? Lmao how dumb can she be

Yes, we do know that our husbands/boyfriends are at fault but see, we love them. Just like the OW has absolutely no loyalty to us, we have absolutely no loyalty to them. I am guilty of what you speak of in your post. I trash John’s last OW, however, I have not trashed all of them. There have actually been a few who had no idea that I existed, and when the affair ended (due to John being caught) they moved forward.

I think you leave out a key factor in your post. The OW trash us too! John’s last OW has been a complete pain in my ass. They had sex for 8 days and then 3 more times within a 3 month period. He has had absolutely no contact (on his part) with this woman in over 5 months and she still texts him! The problem is she WANTS him! Just because you made the decision to not want to be in a relationship with your MM because he is a cheater, does not mean that all OW share you views.

This woman requested to meet me face to face after I found out about her. We spoke for over 2 hours. At first, she tried to make their “relationship” as she called it more than it was, but it was very difficult for her to do that because I found his pre-paid phone. John was not smart enough to erase the texts and she could not talk her way our of anything. She knew he had a wife. She actually asked him to take her out on a date and John’s exact words were, “this is not take a ho to dinner night.” I did not ask her to leave John alone during our meeting. She told me that she was so sorry and she wouldn’t speak to him anymore. She promised and as she did, I told her that she did not need to do that. I had and continue to have no fear that John will leave me.

Do I continue to trash her? Absolutely! See, after our face to face, it was no longer about John and her, it was about her and I. This bitch ran around and town and tried to run her mouth about me. She was mad at me because I stayed with a cheater? Why does she give a shit what I do? Of course, she did not say boo to me during our meeting. She also tried to tell everyone that John gave her a sexually transmitted disease. She happend to get diagnosed the day after I found out about the affiar. Wow, 24 hours after sex is quick to get diagnosed with an STD and strange considering John and I were STD free! She is a psycho path and is relentless. So yes, I will trash her every chance I get. We sat woman to woman and had a talk and I was nice to her for the most part, and she showed me absolutely no respect after our meeting.

The truth is, she is a whore and a slut. What kind of woman would meet a man and a few hours later suck his dick and let him video tape it? If that is not a whore, then I don’t know what is. He told her over 5 months ago that he want’s absolutely no contact with her, and she still continues to text him all the time? Why should I have respect for a woman like that?

As far as obsessing over her, I do at times. Really, I just would love to run into her. I have spoke with her once after our meeting and have held my tongue ever since. I still have her naked photos and maybe one day I will. . . Yes, it makes me feel better. However, I am in no way threatened by her looks or her career. She is not even half of me.

You are right, a lot of woman focus their anger on the OW and not their man. I forgave John soon after the affair, but I would never forgive her. (not saying she cares about me forgiving her) Why? Because John is a constant in my life. I have to live with him, work with him and raise kids with him. She is nothing except a pain in the ass to me and if I had the chance to destroy her life, I would. Doesn’t make it right but it is the truth. Why not “expose the mistress” I think that is better then physically fighting and going to jail! But hey, that is just my opinion!

No, I am talking about the OW, mistress, homewrecker, etc and the wife/girlfriends as you stated that try to blame them. Regarless if you feel as though she was different, she WAS the OW. And although you may be different, the majority of OW are crazy. . .

Not all affairs are the same. Not all men cheat because they aren’t really committed.

Just like not all OWs/APs are the same. My husband’s AP wanted to know everything about me while they talked…um, why?? I don’t think she sought to have affairs with MM…she just did. She disregarded that fact that my husband was married because my husband told her that we were going to eventually divorce. He told her what he needed to in order for her to pity him, not look like the bad guy and so he could get in her pants. Yes, he behaved very selfishly and almost like a predator, but he did it to fulfill his needs. I didn’t admire or appreciate him at home and sex was once a week. Why he didn’t continue to screw her, I don’t know? He says because he felt really guilty afterwards, but I would think the guilt beforehand would have been enough.

Oh well, it is what it is. I am not going to focus so much on what happened in their time together, but on what I need to do as a wife to improve myself so that I can help improve our relationship.

He admits that having an affair was the wrong way to deal with his lack of his needs being fulfilled. And Paula, has always been insignificant.

I actually agree with you 100%. When my husband had an affair I was temporarily focused on the OW. I admit that I texted her a few nasty things and sent one or two Facebook messages. Then I came to my senses. Sure, she was dispicable for getting involved with a committed man, but like you said, HE was the one who committed to me, not her. She was also married, but that was her husband’s deal to worry about, not mine. And I know there was absolutely no way I could convince her that her actions were fucked up.

So, I blocked her on Facebook, my husband told her not to contact him ever again, and he deleted and blocked her from every application he was using to contact her (phone, email, messenger). We have never heard from her again, and I really haven’t thought about her since. I can’t even remember her name, to be honest. Because it really wasn’t about her. It was about him – his insecurities, his bad patterns of behavior, his poor choice, and the list goes on.

Like many women have found, she wasn’t even attractive. I hear that so many men “affair down.” I know that can’t be true in every case, but it certainly was in his. She was older than him (in her 50s), overweight (by a lot), and not pretty in any sense of the word. I realized that she had to have very low self-esteem and be living a sad, sad life to participate in a non-relationship like the one she had with my husband. He contacted her whenever he wanted, didn’t care for her feelings at all, and it was based on degrading sex acts alone. I can’t imagine what she possibly could have gotten out of it.

So my focus? It has been on him, on me, and on our relationship. She doesn’t enter my thoughts at all. Because she could have been anyone. Really. It had absolutely nothing to do with her except that she was a willing participant who happened to be in the same chat room as he was during a moment of sex addict acting out. I don’t blame her. I blame him. He went there, he was looking, and he was bound to find someone who was willing to play along. I actually feel kinda sad for her more than anything else. He is the one I am (was?) angry at.

where did I ever say women will not think of me this way or any other affair partner that way? my point is more that a woman will be obsessed with an affair partner, spend all her time, energy, etc. worrying about this woman and how “wrong” she is…ummm what is this woman’s husband though? he’s the worst offender IMO…he made a commitment to his wife and broke their relationship the other woman did not…

Reblogged this on Im In Love With A Serial Cheater and commented:
I came across this post two days ago. This is a very controversial topic and my feelings have not and will not change. Thoughts on whose to blame???

I agree and disagree with you. I agree that she should not be obsessed with the other woman – most of them are ugly and they are just loose, which makes sense because a whore’s body has been shared by so many men and/or women. However, I would not place the blame entirely on him. Two people make cheating a reality.

Personally for me, it’s not about the other women. Being a whore literally promotes the sex trafficking industry. The chance of contracting AIDS and other STDS grows. Children are exploited. Prostitution breaks families. And sex addicts stay sex addicts as a result.

Pretty much, and once again I am not saying that women like me are innocent or victims in affairs but people are quick to point fingers and act like OMG she’s the devil…..and this poor innocent dear man was victimized by a she devil…it’s like ummm…..WTF?!

I understand why women bash women like me but I don’t understand why it becomes their main focus and almost an obsession at times…

I guess it becomes their main focus because to help them through the pain and hurt they are going through, they need to fixate and focus their anger on something or someone.

They love their husbands and don’t want to fixate on that because the affair most likely has them feeling insecure and vulnerable, so they are not ready to deal with that aspect yet. So they choose to focus on their anger towards the OW, they have no feelings for her except hatred, and its easier to focus on that during a time when they are feeling hurt, angry, confused and insecure.

I could not agree with you more! I agree with the content of this well written post, not your life style. I see this every day! A lot of the women who criticize you HAVE to believe that their “poor” husband was seduced. Most of the time it’s the other way around. Moreover, if your husband is so easily seduced, why does a married woman want to be with him? Many women stay married to a cheater, and even serial cheaters because of fear, insecurity, and income. In addition, I think it’s important to know that just like there are many types of marriages, there are as many types of affairs. And since the spouse cheated on you in the first place, what makes you believe that he’s telling you “nothing but the truth” about his affair?

One of the reasons I continue to focus a lot of my anger on the OW is that my husband has received a shit ton of it already. He’s heard my cruel words, had me throw a drink in his face, held me while I cried, been through hours of marriage counseling. My OW basically got off “scot free” and she WAS the instigator of the relationship. She actively stalked him on FB and kept on with him about how they could just “tell each other naughty stories” and be “special friends” and no one would get hurt and it wasn’t really any big deal, etc., etc., etc. Yes, my husband was weak and a shithead and at least theoretically if not physically broke the vows he made to me, but believe me, we have worked together to try to fix how this happened. What is it about married men that you find so appealing when there is so much at stake?

I know my blog seems this way….but I don’t only hook up with married men here are probably the main reasons I do…
1. they’re great sugar daddies
2. I get a healthy level of non-commitment from them
3. I really enjoy sex and with single guys there is a HUGE exposure risk because they tend to hook up with a bunch of women and won’t keep on f**k buddy…not to mention a lot end up playing the whole anti-commitment game of blowing off a girl when she wants to f**k…a married man on the other hand is sleeping with me and SOMETIMES his wife (I don’t do the serial cheaters or sex addicts) and there’s just that understanding of hey I want dick from you…not so many games…

I’ll probably go into these reasons a bit more in a blog post because this is a reader’s digest answer

Although I don’t condone adultery (whether you’re the philanderer or the OW), I agree with what you are saying 100%. As a young, attractive woman whose husband cheated twice, I stopped looking at the OW and put the blame and my anger on him. I have since filed for divorce but never let myself direct my anger on the OW. The first OW didn’t even know about me! She was more shocked than I was that he was married! The second? Well, who cares? There are always gonna be men and women out for themselves who do not care about the havoc they reek on others loves or marriages. My close friends/family said they couldn’t believe I didn’t “put her in her place.” my response was “Why should I?” After all, HE made the commitment to me promising to be faithful on front of God, a judge, and witnesses. The OW did not. Plus there is no telling what kind of lies that cheating men tell their OW. Probably that the wife is a bitch, doesn’t firm them sex or understand them, whatever it may be. I was non of those things. In fact (and I am being 100% honest when I say this), the two women he had affairs with were very unattractive! Must have very low self esteem so they ate up the fact that a good looking guy was showering them with love/attention. Although I didn’t direct anger toward them, it really did make me wonder! I guess I always figured men would cheat with a goddess – someone who is absolutely gorgeous with a smoking body! I’m sure some men do and women too, but everyone cheats for different reasons.

I agree with you 100% and nothing makes a woman look stupider than when they call the OW a “preditor” or “slut” or “home wrecker.” Well what about the husband who couldn’t keep his weiner in his pants? After all, it’s not like she smacked him up, drugged him, then screwed him! Please!!!! He was putting himself out there and got what he wanted. And NEVER let a man tell you he “didn’t mean for it to happen.” Of course he did! He just wasnt thinking or caring about the consequences!

I blame both parties equally, especially in my case. Yes, my husband is a homewrecker and a whore and a bastard, but so is the OW. In Old Testament times they would both be put to death, period! She knew he was married and while it was his covenant to break, she should have respected, first herself enough to know she was just being used, and second, ME, another woman! What ever happened to feminism ladies? It’s first definition is to the defense of one another, and any woman who would be a part of destroying another woman, for solely what, physical pleasure doesn’t deserve to live.

My mothers and fathers relationship weakened once he started working out of town. They were happily married for 25 years before that. I understand falling out of love and wanting to move on but not like this: My mother’s best friend was a close family friend to all of us. This woman was at my High School Graduation. I did her hair and took her shopping with me. When I got pregnant I made her my child’s god mother. We would go on camping trips and celebrate holidays together. When she began having problems with her abusive husband my mother took her in and gave her a place to stay until she got back on her feet after her divorce. I don’t think I would care as much as I do if my father had slept with a random woman or one that I did not know. This was a person that befriended us all. All of a sudden my father had no money. My mom was working 2 jobs to support the house and pay all the bills, We later found out that all of the money he was making was going towards lavish dates and rental payments for his whore. Needless to say, YOU ARE A HOMEWRECKER!!! Wait until the couple is divorced to open your nasty legs. Filthy Whore.

Problem is the adultering whores my husband adultered with we’re “friends of 20+yrs.” Needles to say I have a branding iron for the ugly fat two faced whores it says adultering nigger whore by the way the meaning of the word I used is in the correct term as in NO MORAL CHARACTER NOT OF USE TO SOCIETY. I am not prejudice against any race I do however have a healthy hatred for child molesters rapists and adultering whores

Hi – Thank you for writing this. However – I respectfully disagree with some of the comments as they are written in bitterness. Many women blame “the other woman / man” but they won’t look at what they did to contribute to this problem in the marriage. I have been on both sides. But let’s look at the facts.

If you do any reading on this topic (both from men and women) – Men are from Mars / Women are from Venus (John Grey) or Light His Fire (ellen kreidman) what you will notice is there is a lot of psychology behind having a good relationship. Marriage LTR – what ever. A good man of character won’t leave a relationship where he is getting his needs met and actively working on. A good man will leave though if he is fed up with trying. In this case something had long since gone in a relationship that caused this man to justify his leaving you for someone else. A lot of women get married and stop trying, they get extremely lazy in their relationship. They stop being intimate and loving, and start acting the role of a nagging wife, a man will feel trapped in the arrangement of marriage.

If this is not you, and not the case then what is? While it may hurt, at the end of the day you should actually THANK (yes I said THANK) the home wrecker for getting a weak, player or serious lack of character man out of your house.

And as the wife if you find yourself fighting to keep that kind of man – what does that say about YOU and YOUR self esteem? You are more embarrassed and your ego actually is hurting because you feel you failed at something. Marriage. It does take two to make it fail and to make it work.

At the end of the day no home can be be wrecked by a woman or a man that has a strong basis for a foundation of love and is actively being worked on (where both people have good character. Most wives (as husbands) are to blame for not working at their marriage and understanding what makes it tick/not tick.

Sex and ego are always a main driver for a man. Men are very different from women in how they think and function too. What a woman thinks and wants is usually completely off base from what a man is actually needing from you to keep him in Love and Happy. People give what they wish to receive and don’t actively try and understand what it is the other person needs.

A good home wrecker knows this (I am not talking about the weak average minded floozy…I am talking about an educated, woman who can hold her own, who targets your unhappy man and actively employs psychology to steal him from you because he meets her needs and she perceives value in him. Lord help you if you are up against this kind of woman, you got lazy in your marriage and you do not seek help to fight back.

This is a very smart woman who will actually take your man from you, convince him to divorce you and leave you and end up hers (married or otherwise) until she realizes that she doesn’t trust him or he is too weak for her then she will get rid of him. Its a sad story. However when 60% of marriages end in divorce and most people are marrying later in life guess what? That is where most women who are not married are going to end up looking. Many times it is two people both in committed relationships to others, just waiting for the excuse to leave. When they find that other person they do leave. At this point it is too late. That person was long gone from the relationship.

This is not the dark ages – people do not have to stay in bad committed relationships that are not working out for years on end and tolerate being miserable. Divorce, while never pleasant, is easy by most means. yes it can wreck people financially (actually the lawyers do that) but from a sanity perspective many do it. Many people get stuck and are just “existing” in a bad relationship (marriage or otherwise) – Men also won’t go to get help unless you are threatening the end of the relationship – and if they do – More than likely they will blame YOU for not giving them what they needed. To some degree it does work both ways. The only thing however you can change is yourself.

Ladies – figure out how to “BE” in a relationship. Then try and fix the relationship if you think its worth it. Be warned its not easy. You have to be willing to take a deep look at yourself and resentment sets in hard after you know your man had hot steaming sex with another woman that was not you and the ability to forgive that is hard. It will also just prolong the inevitable. You did not deserve that, you will want to even the score and punish him. That kind of poison is not good for a relationship.

Let it go and move on. If what you said is so true that there are good men out there (cough), uhm then why not get a divorce, move on and find someone who does want a relationship to work out long term with out cheating?

My husband and I were very much in love, he openly admits I did nothing wrong, he got all my attention, but was working long hours away from home. She came on the job as a temp, and started hitting on him, he took the bait, because she offered what he thought was sex with no strings attached, he didn’t think she would ever tell, nor was he hurting anybody if no one knew, her employment ended, she drove 650 mile to my home area and each time she bedded him and paid for all, gas and motel. After a few months he realized she was not what he wanted and stopped bedding down with her, she stalked and harassed him for two and a half years, and when she finally got that he really did not want her, she contacted me, because he had a price to pay to her… She was angry that she didn’t get the money she heard he had and he dumped her for his wife. I feel so sorry for her… He told her from the beginning it was not love, and he would never leave his wife, she said fine they could be friends. Ya friends. I am not excusing his behavior, lord knows he was not only selfish but stupid, but there is also no excuse for her. How dare she decide she was morally superior, that he owed her something and needed to pay a price. That price she intended to be our marriage. OUR as in half mine.. As then she could also take another swing, and marry tall, dark, and stupid. I think not, I stay not because I am weak, it is because I know the other woman in my case is more responsible than him, as she tricked him, and took a picture of him unbeknown to blackmail him as soon as she got him to cross the line, and she was stupid enough to send me that picture to me as proof.. I am not saying husband wasn’t his fault he let her in, however he has been giving me all my just compensation for his selfish ignorance. The other woman hides in fear and in waiting, and I so much want revenge for her faking her own death and assuming her daughters identity, and contacting me two years after the fact. I made the choice on d day to get my revenge on her by: simply not kicking him out, making passionate love to him daily, renewing our vows, taking a second honeymoon, and focusing on forgiveness, so that she may feel they hurt she brought on me in reverse, she thinks she loves tall dark stupid, furthermore she will never get another chance. Yes these after these two and a half years of being threatened and stalked, he would think twice about thinking he’s going to get free sex with no strings. Oh I insisted he tattoo my name on his arm, and before this he hated tattoo, go figure??? Have I been nice to him yes and no. Have I truly forgiven him? Well working on it. In time my ego will get over that he affaired down. But for now, having really good sex with tall, dark, stupid, and shes crying her eyes out. And yes I still am “The Wife”

If women like you were not sluts then the men wouldn’t/couldn’t cheat. So….in my opinion, yes, it’s you & others like you that are to blame. There are only 2 kinds of women in this world. Keepers & throwbacks. Thank God I’m a keeper. I’d be so ashamed to be a throwback tramp.

OMG Carol, so basically what you are saying is that it’s the woman’s fault for men’s infidelity, classic. So it all goes back to Eve…damn women seducing my weak ass “man”.! Look, I don’t condone adultery but it’s woman like you that make it easier for men. You excuse their behavior with the old ‘boys will be boys” BS, and maybe if women would stop always referring to each other as sluts and whores, we would have more of a sisterhood ie, loyalty to each other. I need to stop reading this site bc most of you women on here are a mess….grow up and and allow men to take responsibility for their shitty behavior. BTW, what type of man USES women in the first place, you know, the women you refer to as throwback tramps? Not a very good man,I can you tell you that. So you and keep them!

It’s easy to feel bad for the woman if she is not pursuing your husband or boyfriend. I do understand that many women who allow men to use them have been deeply hurt… Abandoned and abused. I do have some sympathy for them.
However since having one who has been actively pursuing mine for almost 20 years… Even while married herself.
Well… It’s hard to feel bad for her. I feel badly for me.
I suspect emotional cheating at best. I haven’t been cold or unloving towards my hubby yet he has been that way to me.
I been and am a very good wife. I do everything that is expected of me. And I am glad to do it.
I think when other women are so easily there… Ready and willingly to cause trouble.
Well it’s not helping us women who love our husbands and are faithful.
I honestly do know now if any man can really be 100 percent faithful.
Sadly, I no longer feel that way anymore;(

My husbands old girlfriend… Hasn’t seen her in almost 20 years since we been married has tried contacting him. She is married with children. She has sent love grams to him through a very public medium. She is almost 400 pounds. I truly feel sorry for her two children and her husband. Not only is she ugly, fat and a whore. But she apparently has no class either. Poor kids. Poor spouse!

@Ariella, just how many OW has your husband been with? I am really stunned that you would continue in such a marriage. You stated bc I love him and HAVE to live with him. Umm, no you don’t. Since he seems to have had lots of OW who is the whore here? I’m sorry but that’s just plain ridiculous, kids or no kids, get some damn esteem and hit the road. I wonder if he would stay with YOU if you had several OM on the side. You pretty much give him carte blanche to have several OW! Wow, Im still reeling from your post. And don’t think for a minute that your children don’t or won’t pick up on all of this. Why is he married? (sorry that was a stupid question, it’s obvious, he has his cake) you chose to stay with a cheater, stop putting on the OW. He has shown you what he is time and time again. Any woman who continues in a marriage with a man who doesn’t respect her has NO ONE to blame! Sorry, once, ok you try to forgive and work on your marriage but after that, you’re on your own SMH

Well it’s so very easy to throw stones at the woman who stays with a cheater? Yes? There are a slew of reasons why and most of them come from places from deep past hurt long ago.
You shouldn’t judge that. Many women are very very fragile… There are so many factors here. And if you knew why, you may reconsider your judgements.

I am not throwing stones here, it sounds like she is at the other WOMEN he screws around with. Yes, she may have reasons for staying but if she decides to do that than she has accepted this from him, so my point is stop bashing the women, GET IT! He is not a four year old child who needs to be protected from predators. Geeeze, what do you not get here? If you decided to accept this behavior from your HUSBAND than shut up about it. Live with your choices and stop using other women as a scapegoat for your husbands lack of morals and character.

I made clear right away I had no respect for either one and that they were both equal to pigs fornicating in a barn. He has been treated the same as her, but worst he is stupid and refuses to leave while she hides in another state. Don’t feel sorry for the home wreaker she’s had little consequence compared to him, and yes she is a whore.

There is truly a difference between a home wreaker and a mistress.. A mistress don’t want to break up your family the other does, and she wants what you have earned, and she’s willing to spread her legs for it. It is prostitution.

Yes he’s the John… She was a temp. on his job, she slept with him in the first place to get into a higher pay scale, and also thinking she had secured a job the next construction season. Her original motive was financial compensation which equals yes prostitution… Furthermore she heard from co-worker we had money and told and she told co-worker even though she knew he was married that she was going to get him and all his money, which is also mine…Her intent was to spread her legs and help herself to my money. She also performed sexually acts for the 60 yr old co-worker that has been fighting cancer, and has been compensation well over $2000.00 I seen her Facebook, and a year before this happened she wrote, “finally got rid of Daniel, sent him to jail, hope he rots, men they just don’t care who they hurt, I will never let another in my home.” A friends responds to her post by saying ‘You liar, you always say you won’t let another move in, but you always do. LOL” She tried to tell me she got out of a fifteen year marriage, and had never dated, and was manipulated by my John… I knew it was BS… Furthermore she unbeknown to me stalked my facebook since spring of 2012. I only looked once and old old posts showed. and, and everything I had suspected was true. Here she’s now in her forties, with two kids she somehow adopted, whining on Facebook, how she just needs a break from her kids, and just wishes she had money to get away and play.. While she left her kids in another state to include after she was laid off the job, seduced and old man for money, and came and played with my husband, dreaming of a free ride, as she believed everything he had was really his… Like I am just goanna say, ok dirty whore, you spread your legs for my husband now help yourself to all my money, you deserve compensation for your acts…

I am so sorry Jolene. That is horrible. Personally the fear of Stds would bother me. I don’t understand how people can sleep around di casually. I knew a few people who did back in High school and two of gem dued from aids. I just never thought that was worth the risk and you do develop a reputation that you can never live down. And I do know of a few men who were like that too. And that applies to them as well!

Went to doctor, came back negative, but time will tell.. I know she was a dirty one. Actually when she was fornication with my husband he started to smell, to include his sperm, would not let him touch me without condom. Two years later I find out it was just her smell..

Glad your test came back negative. My doctor ordered every test possible. Came back fine. My doctor kept telling me that it’s not my fault and to never blame myself. Perhaps he had personal experience or just wanted to be very helpful? I have a tendency to blame myself for everything sadly. That is changing;)

Hurtbeyondbelief, I understand what you mean by hurt beyond belief. I also found out that after my husband made the decision Jan. 2011 to stop having sex with her, he continued communication in order to prevent her from flipping out and tell me, she badgered him in May 2011 to met him to give him a updated phone. Oh stupid.. He said during that meeting she was really quite like she new that he was pulling away, and asked for a job back (he told her people like her never come back company only hired temporary and locals fill full-time), and also she also told him she brought a gun, and ask if he wanted to see it. He said no… My husband failed to tell me that she had brought a gun until I questioned him, which was after the old man she also seduce told me that since he my spouse cut her off to be with me, long before I ever knew about the affair, when she come back here she would be coming with a gun for me. My friends say since she faked her death my suicide, she had been contemplating suicide, which means she also contemplated homicide. Also when she exposed the affair to me, she sent me a picture of a tattoo that she had put on her sleeve with a dagger through a heart, a set of blue eyes crying tears down into the heart, my husbands initial’s, the words “love kills” and two dates on the heart (12-14-2010) and (6-6-2011). Still can not find an answer to what these dates are about… Was staring at the television in a daze one day and notice the commercial for the show that was on that I was not even watching, Fatal Attraction, Scorned love, then a dagger comes thrashing down through the fiery words and it says “Love Kills”.. I believe she was considering killing me and I would never even known why… That hurts…

Back in January, when she was e-mailing me I played along with her three days telling her I was leaving him, as I instantly instinctively knew she was a threat to me, until I found what her name really was, that she was alive, and where she was located. I took many resource to find that truth to include my friends, my husband, the old man she seduced, and her local law enforcement, I was in survival mode. I reported her to my law enforcement and hers, I had also been granted a restraining order for free by my county even though I didn’t financially qualify, and her county in another state served it to her for free. Two weeks later, she text my husband, asking why he hadn’t contacted her, since I now knew the truth, referred to me as “the bitch”, and was angry that I put a two year restraining order one her. The only thing he text her back was “I love my wife, and after what you’ve done, I would not be calling her a bitch, leave us alone. She responded, “I don’t care”.. That was the end of contact. But three weeks ago a woman walked into the convinced store that my daughter works in, matching her description wearing a sweatshirt, with her state and town on it. What are the odds??? My daughter contacted the closest hotel, asked if she could leave a message for her, the motel operated said sure.. My daughter left her a message and the hotel manager said he taped it to her door stating that, “The family will be meeting tomorrow at the cemetery at five…… I wished my daughter wouldn’t have risked herself, especially before talking to me, but then again I am so proud of that girl… I know she sent a psycho running all the way back to her state… All quiet for now…

Oh and another thing to HURTBEYONDBELIEF sorry can’t resist but if she comes from some deep hurts, this situation certainly doesn’t help her heal. In fact, it’s chipping away at her self esteem and when you feel that way, it seeps out on your children. And did you think that maybe some of these ‘whores” that you all refer to is deeply hurting from past wounds too. Could be the reason she does those things. Ugh, we women to start honoring each other and stop doing what these men want to happen, pitting against each other, gets them off the hook.

I agree that women should not get involved with married men, however, she can’t take something that doesn’t belong to her. He is giving it to her. Look, I’m not saying that women are not held accountable for doing that, my only point was that the wives seem to put ALL the blame on the women. Men have to pay consequences for their actions or they will continue. Having sex with someone other than your spouse is not an accident. Tripping off a curb is an accident. They made a conscious decision to lay down with these women. Why are the woman whores but the men are” loving guys,”just made a ‘mistake’ I read Jolenes story and that is again, part of my point.. You have to think about your wife and family. He put her in a dangerous situation all for a piece of ass. It’s selfish and lacks loyalty and respect to his wife.Sure, he’s paying for it now but only bc he tangled himself with an unstable woman. Would men be so willing to excuse their wives sleeping around. No, she’d also be called a whore.I just can’t stand the double standard here. I personally think it makes men so irresponsible. That’s all I’m trying to get across.

Men are not getting off the hook, they have to live with this everyday and face us knowing what they did to us. (I know not easy after D-day) She hides and avoid all responsibility. And yes stealing is a crime and so is cheating when it hurts you so bad your messed up for over a year… Also if a woman is going to stab me in the back, If I survive she can hang just like the men. Figuratively speaking. Also, why should I give up half of everything because he and she did something wrong against me? Its not about leaving and taking his half, its about staying and not losing my own half. I deserve it all why give up half? She’s not worth giving up one dime, and by the way my John, never even bought her a soda pop, just let her work at high pay scale couple days.. She got crumbs, thinking if she just hung in there, an pot of gold was a coming, I am are not rich, just hard working and was stable.. which looked like a lot in her eyes.

I don’t blame you. My situation is a bit different. But still I fully understand that. And why should you downgrade your lifestyle? I think you been through enough. We are going to try marriage counseling. I am hoping we can get back to where we were. Sadly, once trust is lost. It’s lost. I hope one day, that can change. I hope it does for you too;)

Jolene I agree that some men aren’t off the hook. What am reacting to is most of the comments are about ALL the blame on these women. That was the original question on the blog. But it does seem like most women use the other women as scapegoats bc they really believe that there husbands wouldn’t have done this if she didn’t seduce him, Are their husbands that weak. I don’t buy it, it’s just LAME. Unfortunately when men do this, the wives also pay consequences which is not fair to her. I’m sorry for what you had to deal with. Peace

Yes I do agree the husband is the one to let her in, and she was there right time right place , could have been anybody. He committed the first sin/crime by allowing her to invite him to her motel room and fornicating with this thing, but he did not commit the last. During my husbands affair I did suspect something off, just a feeling, I asked, he denied. As we made love one night in Mexico, I gently whispered in his ear, ” you are mine, you belong to me, and only me. I now know he never had sex with her again after I said that. It may have contributed to ending the affair???? You see I do have a legal agreement in place that does allow me to claim ownership over his penis, he does not have the right to give it away, nor does anyone have the right to use or take it. The crime/sin motive and intent are different too, for example, my husband got selfish was propositioned by an easy slut, thought why not, no body will no, and no body will get hurt, she said no strings and she’s leaving in two weeks going back home far away. Yes he is selfish, and down right stupid, but her motive from the start was to cause pain and destruction of an entire family. Hence she took a picture of him in her room day one unbeknown to him, and documented all dates. It was a set up for blackmail from the start. Yes I hold her more responsible for the affair. I just wished when this thing, read her manual, that dysfunctional affair sex was hot, and addictive, she would have read about the part, that it burns our fast, men get bored, no matter the hoops jumped through, and desperation is a turn off. No love no bond. And I wished she would have educated herself to know that when she exposed the affair in such a traumatic way to me that instead of me leaving him, that i would instead have a trauma bond with him, that has also provided dysfunctional hot sex, but between two people that truly love one another (regardless of the pain he inflicted by his selfish stupidity), in which one don’t feel guilt, shame, or self loathing after orgasm. More intense than she could ever imagine. Never be able to tear down the house now… Also, my husband was having midlife when their paths crossed, after her, he sowed some childish wild oats and realized what he really wanted. He entered a deeper state of love for me after her. It started little by little since January 2011, I did notice at first and by this summer my friends had noticed a change in him, not that he was bad to me he just because so much better. I noticed big time fall of 2012, I could see it every time he looked at me, which brought me to a deeper stage of love with him as well, then the past and the thing came back. Sucks it took something he didn’t want, to realize what he really had, but that’s the way it is.

I will agree that both parties are just as wrong and guilty. But in this case above. The woman started to harass his family and try to blackmail the guy. That is a different ball game here. That is not just sleazy sex anymore. It’s now two criminal acts which the law will hold the guilty party accountable. This is why when a man cheats on his wife… The law allows her to take his money. As it should be. I didn’t do that to my husband. I could if. He knows it. But his cheating was emotional. And he wAs deeply sorry and wNts marriage counseling and has opened up all email and accounts with me. And I love him. I realize for him it was a porn addiction. It’s something we can work on thankfully.
But here… This other woman is attacking an family and doing evil. I hope she gets jail time and lots of psychological help before they let her out back in society.
However. There are millions of time ticking hoes in the world. Bored. Wanting what does not belong to them. Spreading diseases and pain in the world. Male and female. Married and single. We just have to safeguard our hearts and use our brains to outsmart them and use the law when it’s warranted.

I think it’s more like people who don’t cheat… Male and female who honor ours marriages and relationships who need to realize that there are cheaters of both sexes who will steal and use people because they want something that does not belong to them.
It’s not a sex gender issue it’s a issue of having a set of ethics and morals and applying that in your life.

Let me end this by saying that yes, you cant take things that don’t belong to you, But a penis is not one of them. I just get saddened that so many women go through this and I feel they deserve better than a cheating husband, sorry.

And yes people can lie, cheat, steal etc. but should they? No. That is where your moral and ethics come in. It’s never ok to kill another person. To steal something that dies not belong to you, or to intentionally hurt another person.
So yes… You can. But it’s not right and often those actions do have consequences. And not to just the other person. But to yourself. Your sense of well being. Self respect. It takes a toll on you. It damages you inside. After awhile it shows on the outside of you.
That pain turns to anger. It shows in your face and mannerisms as you age.
So what we do to sineone else does cine back to us. Unless we change our hearts it will literally consume us.

I have been very angry that my husband so selfishly and stupidly exposed our family to include me to a psycho from hell. She could have killed me, maybe still will, that hurts…almost more than the sex. But at the same time he learned a lesson the hard way, and before I found out. I don’t feel sorry for him, but he had to deal with this sicko stalking and threatening him. I told him the hell he went through he brought upon himself, If he had only trusted me and come clean I would have taken care of her legally a long time ago, but he is stupid, and spineless. What do you do?

Since I started writing on this blog I have felt the best I have since D-day, so thank you, all. Yesterday for a while I actually felt happiness, and a good song come on the radio, and I dance my heart away in the kitchen, and my husband danced with me, too.

You would never know it looking at my writing skills and posts, but for the last three years I have worked as a office manager, professional writing legal documents ect. I am on a leave from my job as a result of D-day, I tried to work at first, but the anxiety was great (Could crawl out of my own skin while at work, as it is a trigger), I lost my ability to pay attention to detail, obsessed, no attention span. All I heard in my head was the OW, “while you were at work, this is what we were doing” Also, felt that alone time was needed with husband with out children, husband is home four month in the winter. Loss of income…but what is priority? Husband will just have to work harder now..

Today at 3:00 p.m. I have and appointment with the minister that has presided over the church, that they met at. The sicko, in 2010 had him met her there in the church yard twice during the affair to commit adultery, which was close to his work site, and kissed in the church parking lot and left his truck in the church yard to go fornicate mile down the rode in her van. This I have been angry as, It does tell me how lost he was, and the evil. This tells me that it was not only a disrespect for me, my marriage, but against God. To me pure evil.. However, in October of 2011, she asked to met my husband at the same church, she made plans with him a day in advance, he told me he prepared what he was to say to her, and even though he had told her for months it was over, when he arrived at the church she had the biggest smile on her face, like Yes, we are back on, he said that did not last long as he chewed her ass, and told her to go to hell, her smile turned to rage and she told him, I am going to tell your wife everything…wow, in this church yard. He said he found it strange he found himself there, and it hit him for the first time, Sacred Ground.

From the time the affair started unbeknown to me until D-day, I had had repeated vivid nightmares.
I live on a farm and every spring my Quarter Horses and Cows have beautiful babies:
My dreams were as follows:
I look out my front door, and straight east I can see into the pasture, there sits a large wolf, without words we exchange conversation. The wolves says to me, “your going watch as I devour your babies, and its going to hurt you and cost you, what are you going to do about it?” I glare back at the wolf and without words I say, “You had better run!!!” The wolf gets up and reluctantly walks away as It knows I am not playing. I go back inside my home, and later go to the door, and open it to see out in the pasture straight east a grizzly bear, saying the same thing to me,”your going watch as I devour your babies, and its going to hurt you and cost you, what are you going to do about it?” I intently stare back at the grizzly, knowing this is a lot more than the wolf, and smirk, I am going to get the gun, the grizzly knows I am not playing and before I can turn around It leaves in a hurry. I looked up the dreams, at the time I was having them, and found that they were my subconscious alerting me that there was something diabolical after me… I could not at the time imagine what that was, now I know, it was the psycho whore, as she had been stalking my home from the beginning. I have not hardly dreamed at all since D-day. Looking forward to meeting the minister, as the purpose is to find understanding and forgiveness…

Don’t hate you, don’t like actions, but my target is “my” other woman. And more so, because of her extreme actions. I don’t even hate her, but it’s real close. And don’t forget she does actually hate me. As she believes I am what stands in the way of her happiness. She is “my” other woman, because him and I are a package deal.

When I was a little girl and even as a adult, my cousins tease me about being named Jolene. Hence the song “Jolene” by Dolly Pardon. Always bothered me because I have always been the wife, I now wander if this was just the other woman’s deluded perception that the man involved really belonged to the her, the other woman??? Well whatever…

Met with minister, lasted two and a half hours, got something from that, and he is setting me up locally. Was a weird deal though, 36, and single…. Something weird happened there, a minister tells you your bold, not a good sign. Pouring with unconscious sex appeal from the hysterical bonding. I don’t even know what to say… Men have a automatic radar for a woman in distress.. Won’t go back just forward..

I actually feel going turning to god during a divorce especially when your husband cheated is the wrong thing to do. It just makes you somehow develop this “stupid” “weak” aura about yourself as a woman. YOUR HUSBAND CHEATED ON YOU….so leave and move on with your life, don’t be dumb and try to work things out! that’s just cop out to me. but hey what ever works for you, if it brings you clarity to cope with the hurt then so be it but don’t be a fool either. don’t use religion as a tactic to make the husband feel bad for cheating because a invisible man (god) is “going to punish him” ……psssh whatever. The preacher was lusting after your ass and wondered how this man could let go of that piece of pussy….in his mind he’s saying i’ll hit it but “I bet this bitch has some issues, in his mind he’ll fuck you but your insecurities, drama and kids…he’s not going to want to deal with that shit…. Preacher’s are the wrong people to go to. We’re all human and all he’ll do is pull out a scripture and read what’s compatible with your situation, get you to praise god, get you to hand over your wallet and send your broken ass home.

Ms.Rushing:
First of all, I don’t think god is going to punish my husband, right or wrong I have handled that all on my own, I assure you. LOL I have collected much just compensation, too. I don’t want to spend any more time than necessary being angry. I am ready to move on…Handing it over to god is a way to let it go. I could have just as easily handed it over to you, if your willing to take it..

I wont be going back to see that preacher, as he was only part of my process, as the presides over the church they met at, and where he told her to go to hell… I have always been comfortable in my own skin, even through this hurt me, I am not insecure or blind. But will be moving on to next preacher and see what that one does for me, looking for solid female mentor with religious moral background. Because I agree, they are just mortal men, and very vulnerable, when it comes to sexy women, with broken hearts, he was clearly more vulnerable than me…

Few years back a friend of my told me I could charm the skin of a snake, without trying. (hence my husband LMAO) I was also told I could seduce a priest… An apparently a minister too?? Would I be that foolish, absolutely not. Cause this bitch, being me, has two feet to stand on, and I am the wife, I am not the insecure broken other woman that settles for crumbs and shame… I know what I want and what I don’t, the affair only bruised my ego, did not break it. Our friends, to include me were shocked that my husband cheated, its not like him for one, and two, I am the best he will ever have, without a doubt.. I am not a wife that thinks the other woman was better in anyway, she was just there while he was working far away presented her self easy, he fucked up, it hurt me, I know in my heart he will never let it happen again…

So you feel I am stupid for staying… Well I feel it would be stupid to set him free, especially when I know he will absolutely feel grief and loss, and be vulnerable to the other woman again, or a brand new piece of shit that he hooks up with, especially when I still love him.. Now he would have an new partner to that would wage war against me. One that will be there when my daughter goes there weekends, that both my daughter and I will have to deal with. No thanks, sounds like hell to me. Also, in my state in a divorce, property is split 50/50. I don’t want to give up half, I want it all.. I don’t want the ow or a new woman , to get anything built off my marriage.. I don’t want to start over with a new man that will one day, find himself in a mid-life and I have to go through it all again. You could stay single, but that would not happen. I just plain out don’t want to give up the life I was happy and will be again, just because he fucked up. I loved my life and my husband whether he did something selfish/stupid or not (true meaning of love better or worse) . And I sure as hell am not going to give it up, knowing that is exactly what the other woman is dreaming of.. Fu*k her… why not? he did… I am high jacking this crumb settler..

I put an inspirational quote on my living room wall recently to remind myself;
Dance like no one is watching..
Love like you have never been hurt..
Sing like no one is listening…
Live like heaven is on earth…

As far as the female physician telling you that you were strong…Why would she not praise you and make you feel better? She told you were strong because she would not have stayed with a cheating man. A mid life crisis is an excuse for all and a man to use as reason to cheat. we all make decisions in life and getting married and being legally reasonable for a person’s well being is a choice. We’ve all make decisions and wish we hadn’t but were forced to stay put, being we made the decision. no woman should use strength or being strong as a reason to stay with a cheating man, why not use your strength for something else…like leaving. I’m not buying the whole bit about you not wanting another woman to be around your child on weekends and go through hell? Really? hell? or will you be going through hell knowing your child is around the woman he left you for? see that’s only your perception of the situation and most likely the other woman is not even thinking about you. also not having a woman prosper off what you’ve built during your marriage? apparently it wasn’t built strong enough for your husband not to stick his dick in someone else? I didn’t say you were stupid for not setting him free, but to keep him in your life to feel like your winning or won against the other woman is. You also stated that he wasn’t the type to cheat…explain that? since when is there a type? You said you were the best he’d ever had or has…then why was he fucking the other woman? and how do you know that this was his first time cheating on you? I’m sure it wasn’t and I’m sure he’ll do it again and again. That time WAS the time you happened to find out about it. also you have no idea what he told this woman and I’m sure he didn’t just fuck her one time? and for you to be going to the doctor getting checked out, that let’s me further know you didn’t know how long he had been with her or others and he most likely fucked her raw… and not many men get head-oral sex with condoms on. You seem very angry by calling her a piece of shit…lol but hey I guess your the top DIVA AND THE WIFE …and every other woman who slept with him is beneath you…silly rabbit. You of course went after his cash…which I understand and I doubt the other woman just got sex from him, I’m sure he kicked out some cash on dinner dates as well for her. so i guess that’s the part of getting even? plus I’m sure you put him through mental hell by handling it on your own…lol wow. Well I guess… but hey you decided to stay and it apparently did bruise your ego if you feel you can’t start over and meet someone better in the end. I feel leaving him would prove to him that you will not put up with cheating versus putting him in time out and no giving him sex, which I’m sure you didn’t for a while and which he probably got elsewhere while waiting. do not kid yourself. i work in a predominant male work force and I will tell you, what you though you did ….was nothing, he was prepared for it and went through the motions with you being he does care or even loves you but believe me….that was just part of the game. yes counseling is free with churches but going to a church is just like having yes people around you…of course they will take your side and of course you do nothing wrong and of course…..THE END

You make me smile… Yes, you confirm that other woman is jealous of the wife… Who doesn’t even realize she is non rival. You have been so angry you have misread parts of the post. Wow you attack me like the other woman… Hello my husband isn’t trying to leave, he dump her over two years ago, made his choice then before I knew. And Now I Have Made MINE, nothing you said strikes a nerve.. It has been her who hangs on for hope.. wouldn’t let go. And yes all of us wives are sexy, talented woman. What deludes the crumbs in to believing they are the only ones with sex appeal? I have over a hundred e-mails from this dumb whore and she gave it all away. OH I continued to make love with him day after D-Day, three times a night, and during the day. The sex was hot before D-day and after just hotter. He made the choice that he did not want the other woman, and he wanted me, two years before I ever knew she existed. Now I win because I will not let her hurt and delude me so much that I make choices of hurt and anger, that are not in my best interest. She will always be jealous of me wither I learned the truth or not..
Hence she is forever under castle keep.

I’m good, I’m bad, I’m sometimes in between. Mess with my family, you’ll see me get mean. I am as complicated as it gets, and tough as can be. Tell me I can’t do something, then step back and watch me. I’m a million colors, I’m black and white, I make mistakes, but sometimes I get it right. Try to figure me out, you never will. But you can count on this, I will be keeping it real…
When I kill a spider, I don’t clean it up, I leave it there so the rest of the spiders know not to fu*ck with me.

LMAO!! A queen never leaves her throne to address a peasant throwing stones…remember that. That fact is… you’ve been cheated on and you stayed! Plus you never know what your man was telling her to make her hold on for so long afterwards, you know how the L word affects people and you know how a man will make you DANGEROUSLY IN LOVE!! See he realized you can’t just turn it off like that and that lady started showing signs of the “OH HELL NO, HE USED ME” and he brought his ass back home due to his guilty conscience of even going there letting that pussy power control him. Apparently she wanted more than just sex and he backed out and came back home. I see you rapping?, your flow was alright but I’m not buying tickets to the concert of affairs…..lol! The end

I do find you interesting, and yes I know what happened. He cheated on me and I am staying in my throne. Non traditional queen.. He lied to me, and she was foolish enough to think that a married man only deceived his poor undersexed wife and was not going to deceive her. She got hooked, got sticky and desperate, got let go, felt used, it didn’t work out for her as planned, no happy ever after ending, no easier life, no free ride. I feel so bad for this poor woman that thought she could steal another woman’s husband and got used up by him… I am so sorry she didn’t get to know him, to find out that when he met his wife that he was in financial ruin from the train wreak of and ex girlfriend 2.5 yrs., earlier $45,000 in the hole, lived in 12×50 trailer house. I wished when she looked at his assets now $750,000. to the good she wouldn’t have assumed he earned them all.. I worked hard to not only pick up his slack, but worked hard, invested, at times I made a medium income, others years I made $2000.00 a week net. I myself bought a herd of cattle and registered breeding stock quarter horses, and myself without him paid to put up new barn, he and I together bought crop land, that I operated more than 50%.. I legal and morally own and provided more than 50%. She looked at him as this was truly his earnings. I know what your saying and yes some things are true, but other things are not.. I went to college studied psychology/ criminology and regular generals and also had agriculture background. He a high school grad, I used my education to further him where he was short, he as a man gave back too.. And it made us money. I provided direct care to his son, helped raise him, from the age of five. And yes he got full custody of his son, the year before the affair. I also love his son… I don’t have custody… figure that out. I was the total package, I don’t know why he did this for a piece of pussy he really didn’t even want? His change started when he got full custody. I believe it was the beginning of a mid-life, and part of that was to regress to a younger state of mind. What’s weird is he did not do the typical, younger woman, he went older than him, ten years older than me, when they met she was on the run from 66 year old husband that she had got back together with, left two small children, worked in no skill job. (Road Sign Holder) She slept in her van till September, when she finally got hotel, and got Horney.. I know his plan was never to hook up with her, just sex, not love, and she said ok, we will just be friends. I know that’s true because I seen text messages, she said she exposed him because he said they could be friends, and she got stuck with two year cell contract. She did not deny that he told her not love and not leaving wife, she admitted, that was true and she said she was okay with that initially, but she lied she wanted more, and she thought… On D-day She incriminated her self much. In the first e-mail she as she assumed new identity faking death, she put it off as he loved her and not me but ended with her. Later she, said she knew it was over before it began, and that it seems like he wants just you, and that she had been used while it was convenient for him. Did he tell her lies yes… Did she tell him lies? Yes actually even more. Was she faithful to him? NO, she had husband age 66 and boyfriend (58) on same job that also went to hotel when my husband wasn’t around. He told her I slept on the couch, and she later questioned him and he admitted he was having regular sex at home. That is the part she thought at one point she was getting that I wasn’t. ISHHH.. He never took her out in public, it was an affair he hid from all.. She paid for the rooms and bottle of booze, got money from 58 year old man. He would met her at a hotel, or gravel pit for about one hour or less.. Then rush off to met me for lunch. Never took her for dinner, nor bought her a soda pop. All out used her for sex, and she said it was ok.. October the affair was twice weekly. Nov. & Dec. He asked her what is this, you drive all the way here, we spend an hour together, once to twice a month, and your ok with this? She said yes.. She said it was okay when he orgasmed in less than two minutes, while having sex in the front seat of the van.. At one point she said she would be his whore. He said it was turning him off.. Also, as she just laid there, and mad noise, she just wanted to lay there… What really got to him was she laid there and handed him a tube of lube, put two pillow under her ass and told him to take her anal, first time he liked, time two grossed out. He complained that she seemed to get off like that only, l and preferred it, and keep sending him text, that she wanted that again. He said the guilt was getting hard to bear, and the sex became a turn off as the lust faded and he saw her clear. She wasn’t good looking, she wasn’t good in bed, he was just making a mess out of his life with someone he could barley stand to lie next to, let alone be seen in public. I ask why? He don’t know what he was thinking, she wanted him, it felt good for a while. She was aggressive and pursued. At first he liked it, then he felt it was more like stalking. Which is what it turned out to be.. He’s a dumbass.. what can I say.. I asked a few of co-workers that worked out there about her, they told me she had no breasts flat, big gut, and was washed up, white trash. He at one point, told me if he would have wanted her, he wouldn’t have ended it, and would have left me for her. Pick that apart for a while.. I got more

I understand and yes all your gains (assets) aren’t worth throwing away which makes the situation harder. I have a few friends that have invested in relationships the same way, properties as well and during the break ups to make ups lived liked room mates, one friend of mine her husband even had a baby on her with their sons pre K teacher. And she stayed?? She is and will forever be the breadwinner in the relationship, she has her own business, more closets and shoes then I ever will and she’s beautiful, great personality, fun, ambitious and he’s the typical cornball guy. I never knew what she seen in him or his potential and maybe that’s why I lash out at women who stay. But a lot of people envied her and probably couldn’t wait for her to fall some type of way. But you will have to understand that things do grow old, people, places and things and there will be a time when wanting something new will come along, sure he’s an older guy but think about it, he has a little money in his pocket….he’s some young lady’s sugar daddy still………..and she knows how to play the game, unlike Miss Stop & Slow sign. Maybe he is content now, but that’s usually how it goes from what I see, they cheat and then they themselves get older and their dicks get smaller and less harder and they stick with the woman who will wipe their ass when they start shiting on themselves.

No there is no one else… And this is his only chance. If he ever again, then I will leave. No doubt. I just don’t think he will cheat again, if I am wrong I have to own it, so I am pretty sure.. He is not the first cheat I have ever known, and he is different than the habitual cheater he is worthy of a chance, he really is not garbage to throw. But I clearly see if he makes that mistake again, garbage to me he will be.
I am not sole bread winner, but defiantly did my half. I know I can get another man if I want to.. I have actually told him, I may not be around to wipe your ass if you end up in a wheel chair in old age.. So take care of yourself on all levels and treat me right. Funny you said that..

One more thing.. I have seen two M.D. doctors since D-day, the first was a female, (STD screening) I explained my situation, that I nor my husband wanted a divorce, my view of infidelity, and how I was going to handle it… (Shared above) And she told me I was the strongest woman she has ever met. (She did ask me if my husband was still alive, LOL) The male doctor (regular check up), I explained the same, and told him I may have some PTSD issues, he told me that my issues were situational, and agreed medication would only mask the pain, whereas I would have to deal with the pain at some point. That going to medical (psychologist) counseling, you still have to do all the work, you can be labeled, its now on your medical record and It costs a lot of money and time.. His advise was to seek out counseling through the churches as It is free, and go to as many as you need until you find one that works, and tell your story.. He said in a year I would be over it. He also said that he could tell I was of higher intellect … Well, we will see come D-day anniversary January 12, 2014. I can tell already I will be okay, and will be okay staying in this marriage.. Yet work to do…

My just compensation… This is why I say “My bad” Of course I got the raw intimate details of the sex. When where how..Nasty yet lazy and dead, oh why oh why??? About 12 times from October to January 2011. He lied and lied till every detail came out… He even lied about things in his favor, as embarrassed that she had pull over him. But he realize, I was not going leave one stone unturned, and he betrayed her to me entirely. He didn’t want to admit places they met she did not disclose to me.. As I suspected, one time in the gravel pit they had sex in his work truck pickup, whereas I have sat many times. He lied because he knew… First I had sex with him in there, then I took a sledge hammer to it… Fixed and sold it… Took my old truck, bought me a new one..
I quite my job no more working out, I have cattle for income and can work at home.. Made clear I have cattle, not him… Went to Vegas renewed wedding vows, (there was a few fights there) but over all a amazing experience. Had bridal suite with mirrors, started honeymoon in beautiful wedding dress, so that he could watch in mirror… The most taboo thing I have ever got to see. You just don’t get that every day, and the first time we married it was more stress, late, dealing with guests. He mailed her a post card thanking her for a amazing second honeymoon. We got tattoos, which he always said he did not like. I got a cherry blossom branch on my foot, and he got my first and middle name on his arm. Very sexy.. We had a great time, much needed time. We did a lot of different things. Went to all the places they met talked and had sex in all of them. The first place, where it started the hotel, he shook like a leaf. Had trouble to perform at first, but spent hours cuddling and talking and eventually got him, he wanted to shower with me afterwards cause was something her never did with her, and she wanted. Afterward, he sent her a text told her where he was and what he was doing. The places there after were no problem, performance. I replaced his every memory of them, everywhere they were.. The weird thing is none of it ever bother me a bit.. When I took off my clothes and crawled in what she had called her bed, I never have felt so comfortable, and relaxed, and it did relax him. He said when he was there he was never relaxed, and was busy season lots of doors opening and closing. There is more, but cant tell all.. He has told me this has been the best and worst months of his life, it has been for me too. Breaking him down has to where he truly gets it has been work also. But I know he gets it. I do know he loves me. I see it in his eyes…

control freaks are my favorite type of woman. you will how ever tire of this game as I did and realize the damage you for to your own soul all for a false sense of security. I used to be just like you Jolene. 15 years ago.

Enlightened: I was thinking bat shit crazy, yes control, D-day shattered my perception of reality as I knew it and safety.. I told her, I was going to give it back seven fold for her part, after she foolishly let me know she loves him, and never got over him. It also became clear she was attempting to bust down the house in hopes of a second swing with him. I want her to fell the betrayal, herself. And I know she did, all her deluded special places exposed..

Plus:
I am not ending my marriage at her discretion. Surprise..A bomb shell just for her..
, I loved my life, and am starting to again.

Yes control.. One person has it the other wants it. The root of every conflict.. Control

Maybe in 15 years or less I will change. Time will tell.. Thy self be true…

Just a few notes to make: When I was ten my mom had an long term affair with a with a married multimillionaire. She, my father and the other couple are all married almost 28 years later. My mom and dad okay after, but not without scars. The other couple still has issues of infidelity. I have unfortunately listen to my mom for years excuses sleeping with another’s. And her view of the bitch wife… I know why she finally ended it, and it was because she finally realized that they were not real friends, she was not special. He loved his wife and just used her and others for sex, he had money.. Yet still refers to his wife as the bitch… And still don’t get that the wife has money. Love her, my mother, anyways, but ya..

Second scenario, had friend in college, was sleeping with 43 yr old married man, I knew the couple. She (20) was my friend listen long hours to her views. Started when she was 18, told me when twenty, ( I actually wrote paper on double life, for deviant behavior class) I gained much knowledge from her, lost respect and grew apart. This old man then 45, (Same age as husband now) confessed to his wife 43, thought he loved the twenty year old (soul mates)and left his wife. The wife was good looking and intelligent…So was the twenty year old, but the wife was smarter, and had the edge of being the wife. The girl thought she loved this old fool.. Yuck.. Anyways. When the husband went home to pick up belongings, the wife seduced him, in the sleeper of a semi truck, which was what the twenty year old though of as their special place.. The wife disclose to the twenty year old ASAP, and mentioned she could be pregnant. (Immature, but good one).. In front of me the twenty year old showed her hurt and betrayal, she was shaken, was bad. The twenty year old believed she the wife was barley sexual, and was in horror that the husband wanted the wife sexually, also that the wife could have overcome her anger enough to have sex. The twenty year old felt betrayed. She sent him back, the couple is happily married today. The girl has never married, but has kids, all different dads.. hasn’t matured last I heard.. I studied this girl.. in depth..
I treated my other woman as a twenty year old (and as my mother), even though she is older than I, because I feel that is her mental maturity, as she must have done something to cause her brokenness… Again, “my bad” I also deliberately allowed her to underestimate my life experience/education and younger age, and of course my husband gave her nothing to prepare…well he did tell her if I ever caught her, I would kick her ass. If it hadn’t been my feelings involved I would have really enjoyed this.

Jolene, I told myself I wouldn’t reply anymore to this bc you are going to do what you want. And who am I to tell you what you should do. But I have to be honest here and tell you…you’re husband is not a prize, he’s not a good man. You mentioned that you find no empathy for this OW being used by him, I said earlier, what type of man uses a woman and then, in your words, discards her? What kind of man does that? One that has no integrity or respect. The OW should have not have gotten involved but my question to you is why you would want a man like that? It does not matter that you may have a history together, that’s a very poor excuse. And he is a very poor excuse of a man. I know you love him and that’s what boggles my mind. Don’t you want better for yourself, what about your self love? You can love somebody but not be with them. And as someone mentioned earlier, if there was one you knew about, there are a few you don’t know about. It’s like when you ask an alcoholic how many drinks he/she had that day, and whatever the answer is, multiply it by 3. I get the impression that your husband led her on in same way, made promises he had no intention of keeping just to string her along. Again, was she wrong to get involved, yeah, but it doesn’t take away his shady behavior. One of my favorite quotes is by Bob Marley,”,The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.” You don’t fuckin play with a woman’s emotions. That is all……

Well from what I got out of him and her e-mails plus text message, is that she was willing to have sex with no strings, that they had an agreement to basically use each other. He stayed true to his agreement she wanted more, and when she could not conquer him as she wanted she felt used… That’s the name of the game.. So no don’t feel bad for her. She admitted he never even told her he loved her, told her he would never leave me. She said it was okay to just be friends. In her text she said she exposed him because he promised they would be friends forever, and she got stuck paying two year cell phone contract, because he ended it in a few months. The difference in the two, he wanted to fuck around and leave it in the past, she wanted to fuck up my whole world and destroy it. She faked her own death, and tried to convince me he loved her, then she said,he dumped her years earlier and wont talk to her, because it seems like he wanted me.. Bottom line she pissed me off with her bullshit games. And yes during that time, he was being nothing more than a son of a bitch to me… He did end it, he acknowledge it a mistake to himself and tried to correct it. He never was a prize or possession as a object, just is husband i loved better and worst and daddy to my babies… She could not take him from me two years ago, when I did not even know I had a competitor, that was rehearsing every move, and dressing her best. While I was working my ass off, was not dressing always my best and did not ever have time to rehearse my seduction.. She never had a chance. And she sure as hell is not a worry now, he did not want her, I know without a doubt that her exposing and betraying is not going to send him running into her arms as she deluded herself. There was nothing to win, I never lost him, She couldn’t take him, she was not enough woman. However, she hoped, I would throw away him and everything else away like garbage. …She was no completion at all. The prize is not him per say, it’s about keeping my anger and hurt under control, and realizing, my security was never really threatened, and I don’t have to give up anything, unless I want to. The prize is me remaining strong and keeping my life in line… as there is much to lose for my whole family, and I see it. I do love him, but realize he is just a man that made a series of poor judgments because he became insecure, and she was more than accommodating. If the tables were turned, and it was me that did this, I would expect at least a second chance. I would get one too.. He would not leave me for any reason at all. It is really not that I am morally superior in comparison to him, because I am not, I think about things and have opportunities all the time, I just don’t bite, because I am smarter, have life experience he don’t, have been comfortable in my skin.. (I know better that to think sex with no love, would be fulfilling), I know an unfamiliar partner most likely would be a waste, I know how easy it is to get caught up in things once they start, I know better than to give someone that kind of power to destroy you, I know people say they wont get attached and they do. I lived before I met my husband, I was a early bloomer, him late. Hence our age difference. Hell one time before I met my husband, I met this guy, seemed okay, decided was not working for me, he was attached to me now, the relationship was against work policy, he threatened to tell if I wont see him, long story short put him on a bus to Florida. See you baby… I paid a price too, the bus ticket… Guilt, shame, fear… yep… Got it..
Anyways, her intention was to destroy my world plus children’s as we knew it, the prize is our world.. And because I choose to forgive him and love him, we still have it all, its not gone… Only if I let it be gone. Plus it is the best revenge I could give this OW whom was so sure she had the cards to fold me. I know what I want and I want my life, and on top of that I want her to see me continue have what she never could. I am that pissed at this stupid whore, I refuse to fold. I purposely made her my driving force to be happy, and have all… And yes, she deserves all she got, nothing!!!

self-worth – the quality of being worthy of esteem or respect;dignity, self-regard, self-respect
pride, pridefulness – a feeling of self-respect and personal worth.

I take pride in my ability to know what I want, I respect myself for being able to forgive and give a second chance to a man that at one time lost his self worth. I have dignity for my self as I am being true to my own values. I love myself for being bold enough to take chances, and stand up for what I believe in. I love that I continue to love. I am worthy of trusting my own judgment’s. I have self respect knowing I am doing what is right for me.

Thy o self be true..

She faked her own death, play games with me in attempt to assassinate my family, my life, you just don’t play games like that with another woman’s emotions, unless you want to become her mortal enemy, and give up all your rights to your own self worth. That’s all..

Why is the OW a whore, slut, home wreaker, and what is my husband? Simple terms: the other woman is what she is and will always be just that. My husband is my husband, I made a vow to him, forever, as he me I knew going in there would be times we would hurt one another. We also made a vow that when we hurt one another we would forgive one another. I knew up front, when I married him, he was a mortal man and me a mortal woman that either one of us was capable of one day hurting one or the other in this way, and I still took this vow, better for worse. Our commitment was forever. When we gave our hearts, the priest said the two shall become one, and naturally over time it really happens. I can not hurt or deny him forgiveness without denying myself. Bottom line… I TOOK NO VOW TO THE OTHER WOMAN, I OWE HER NOTHING… HER NAME DOES NOT APPEAR ON MY MARRIAGE LICIENSE… I don’t have to forgive her, to avoid hurting myself. SHE MEANS NOTHING TO ME, AS SHE ALWAYS HAS BEEN NOTHING, but a short chapter of the large novel, with many chapters left to write, and in the end, she will utmost be forgotten as character. Three types of love
1. Committed love = Staying together for ever, no matter what…
2. Passionate love = love like a drug, but no commitment to stay together, (wears off)
3. Intimacy = Love whereas one shares deep feelings and secrets.

The above can be interchanged 7 ways. When I married husband we had all three, and we currently do both ways. However the passion over 13 years has had its ups and downs. Hence… But the commitment has stayed true..

You asked the question, I answered. Take it or leave it… but it is the truth.

Yep, he will have a stone next to mine, and we will be together until the end of time… No joke… yet lmao because yes, only marriage, kids will put us there, no matter what. There is no escaping this one.

Well no wonder men cheat? Especially if she’s not going anywhere regardless of what i do, he says to himself … he’ll get a few “”he’s a man pass” throughout the relationship, say im sorry and it will all blow over!

Yes, I want the man that discarded the woman that he had no commitment or reason to continue. I don’t find that a despicable act, that was the right thing to do… He had no commitment to her, just me… What was despicable is that he agreed to have sex with a woman who promised no strings, while married. And I am strong enough to forgive. She lied or lost control developed feelings for someone she knew was committed for life to someone else, he owed her nothing, he owes me everything..

You are solely going on what he has told you. Do you hear yourself? ‘yes, he discarded the woman he had no commitment with, his COMMITMENT is with me” What commitment? He’s out screwing around with another woman. It doesn’t matter what their agreement was, he is a husband.(foresaking all others) He’s not in a position to make sexual agreements with other women. And yes, I do have a problem with men who use women and discard them. You do not USE people for your own gratification, period! Jolene, I honestly do not know why you came on here bc you are going to come up with anything to justify this man’s behavior. He is as manipulative as she is. Good Luck and I mean that bc you’ll need it. Oh and he discarded her bc it was the RIGHT thing to do? Since when did he care about what is right? He discarded bc he was done using her, it ran it’s course. Not for any other reason. He got what he wanted and now he’s done. Wow, what a guy!

She sent me over a hundred e-mails in the course of three days, that I based my decisions on before I ever talked to him. That you need to understand… She was never in love, she was obsessed and there is a difference… She came in with unclean hands, and that’s how she left.

I feeling like Tonto riding a pinto, tying to chase the Lone Ranger down. I am a little unraveled but still in the saddle, crying his name out to the crowd,it got a little crazy, we stood our ground and shot out the lights, but no one wants to see us go, like all the buffalo go, no one wants another wild west show, without us around its like a ghost town, there’s never a winner in the quick draw, we both fall, so why don’t we just met back at the teepee and lie down in the darkness by the camp fire, forget who’s wrong or right and smoke piece pipe, its only forgiveness that will finally end this, wont be a witness if we both fall, there’s never a hero in the battle of evil, why cant we just forget this and ride off into the sunset. Don’t want see us go like all the buffalo, it was a big show down, don’t want to have another wild west show…
Above is parts of old song, that fits my values well..

And yes I really do have a pinto name Tonto.

I have watch six of my neighbors in the last two years, fall over infidelity. I will write more later about this later.

Almost to graduation day older daughter graduates fourth in her class with high honors, looking forward to the summer as my new life begins, my husband will be working his ass off, I will spend my summer playing, and doing things with my kids. He will be paying on my new dodge challenger and I’ll be living it, enjoying life going to the lake getting that great tan I never get sitting in an office, now is when my midlife crisis gets to begin, hope he can keep up. Grew my hair out, bought new summer clothes since I no longer have to be modest for working out, and have time to play as home business will not require full time. This may turn out to be the best time of my life. I might as well enjoy and see what happens.. Maybe everything does happen for a reason, some things are truly life changing. I doubt my home wreaking whore had this planned for me, when she contacted me… Oh well..

My way of looking at it is you only have the right to be upset with another person if that person owes you something or is obligated to you in some fashion. Therefore, if you blame the other woman then you believe she has a commitment to you to keep your relationship intact. In other words, you were relying on this other woman to keep your man from cheating because she had an obligation to do so.

With that in mind let me give these words of advice: If you are willing to be in a relationship where you have to rely on anyone other than the person you’re with to keep your partner from cheating than you should expect to be cheated on.

When I’m in a relationship, I look as far as the man I’m with and no farther when looking at who I expect will keep my man from cheating.

Women need to get it out of their heads that other women owe them and/or their relationship something. The only people who owe your relationship a thing are you and your partner; not the other woman, not the other man, not the local grocer, not your barber, not Barbara Streisand….just YOU and HIM. Therefore, when a relationship is weak it’s the responsibility of you and your partner to strengthen it and when a partner cheats the only people to blame are those in the relationship. When people realize that nobody but them and their partner owes their relationship anything we will start having more relationships based on trust and mutual respect.

One small step would be to ask yourself every day ‘What have I done for my relationship today?’ or ‘What will I do for my relationship today?’ Answers can range from having dinner together to spend the day together doing a mutually enjoyable activity. It can even be taking the time to discuss (discuss NOT argue, yell or blame) a problem that is bothering you or better yet discuss something about your relationship you like (let your partner know (s)he is appreciated). Remember communication, respect, and trust are the cornerstone to a successful relationship.

U r such a dirt bag really I can’t believe there are people in the world like you. You give women a bad name. One day Karma is going to come for you and I hope its when you are married or in a serious relationship and love that man more than anything and the little dirt bag says the same shit you just spilled out your mouth . I don’t know u nor do I want to but I know u will get what’s coming to you.

You said it…. The other woman is stupid she will feel differently the day it happens to her. The other woman has much responsibility as she wages her alienation war. I owe her no duty if her non relationship with my husband didn’t work out and she was used and thrown away like the garbage she is. I guess she should have worked harder on her realationship with her married man and not spent so much time bitching and nagging he didn’t spend enough time with her, or nagged he didn’t call enough, or that she spent holidays alone. Maybe if she would have just worked a little harder on the realationship she wouldn’t be so hurt she was discarded for his wife.

The other woman was the nagging, demanding bitch. She may not start out that way, but this is one area they superceed the wife on quickly. Us wife’s are not controlling as if we were they would not have been the oppertunity. My husbands ex other woman is a demanding controlling bitch. So no lessons please on how to fix my realonship. I know she is that.

At some point in life everybody has the potential to make serious mistakes and use poor judgement. If a man is in this state and is offered easy sex from a loose woman with poor self esteem he will jump it regardless of her looks as long as he thinks no one will find out. Just like the rooster that jumps every hen that squats in front of him.

Another thing its so sucking hearing the other woman wine, but he loves me not his wife. Just a hint, to know if a man loves you or is using you. A man that loves a woman invests all his resources into her and her children. He is willing to provide for her. If not providing for you he doesn’t give two shits about you really.

The only job of the other woman was to squat and say how great it was, and she couldn’t even do that well. Every man knows he owes the other woman nothing and she is only to serves his selfish needs. Yet she bitches and nags for more time. Now she established she good fir nothingas she has no place to nag and bitch. She excepted this role and thought she was special as the wife must be a nagger because he is cheating. Ow gets dumped because she is the real bitch with no leg to stand on. How ironic.

As a woman over the years I have been hit on by many happily married men, which I rejected as I feel a married man is off limits, and lost respect for them knowing how they are. I am a attractive blonde with big boobs. And no I didn’t feel I was better because I was hit on. I knew it was just to use and I respected myself and the wife enough not to lower myself as I am a smart attractive woman that can find single man. I would never be willing to share my husband, nor would I expect another wife to share with me…

Do you really think the cheaters get off easy? Do you honestly think if he’s staying in the relationship that his days aren’t a living hell as he tries to save his marriage? You don’t see all the men out here whining about all the names the wife calls him, but the ow are out in droves crying oh woe is me, why am I getting all the blame? You’re not. You’re just the only one’s going vocal. Women do that, just like when you talked to your friends or blogged on the internet about how awful the wife was, someone whose husband filled your tiny little head with lies about her to get you to blow him because oh boo hoo, my wife doesn’t do it any more.

Of course you didn’t make any commitments to the wife. How about to a human being? Any remorse for putting another woman through hell? You sound a bit shallow and hard. Most ow do. All I can hope for the lot of you is that you some day find a man who will commit to you, then let some heartless wrench do the same thing you’re doing now.