I'm an Emmy-winning former NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter turned speaker and strategist on quotability, connective behavior and making places and conferences more meaningful by storyboarding them. I’ve been a state senator’s chief of staff, co-founder of nine PACs, founding board member of Annie’s Homegrown and coached over 30 pre-IPO teams. Like you, perhaps, I am inordinately curious about why we do what we do. I also write for the Huffington Post and Harvard Business Review and am the author of Moving From Me to We, Resolving Conflict Sooner, Walk Your Talk and Getting What You Want. Let's share ideas at www.sayitbetter.com, Moving From Me to We and @kareanderson

Bring Out Their Best Side And They'll See And Support Yours

Legend has it that British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and his political rival William Gladstone had a date with the same woman on different nights. When asked her impression of the two men, she said, “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England.” Disraeli’s talent is echoed in what Jack Nicholson’s character famously said to Helen Hunt’s character in the movie, As Good as it Gets: “You make me want to be a better man.”

Counterintuitive Likeability Hint: People are more likely to be drawn to you and act admirably when they like how they feel and act when around you. That’s even more vital than how they first perceive you.

2. Craft Scenes That Make Us Feel important and Cared for

Was it the butterscotch-colored walls, light coconut scent wafting through the front door of the boutique hotel, as I opened it or the cushy island of azure blue carpet under my feet as I stepped into the boutique hotel? I don’t know yet I instinctively sighed with relief. And that was before I saw the smiling doorman walking towards me, saying, “We’re glad that you’re safely out of that storm. Let me help you with your coat, if you like, and your bag.” The lobby was light with the soft, full-spectrum lights that store make-up counters have, making us all look and feel our best.

Feel Good Hint: Positive multi-sensory cues multiple their emotional impact when we feel more than one at once or three in quick succession.

In fact, without my knowing it at the time, that doorman looked more handsome and caring than I would have experienced him if the entry to that hotel had shiny metal railings, an elaborately patterned carpet and/or a dark colored wall.

3. The Scene That’s Most Often Neglected Has the Biggest Impact on How We Feel About Our Experience

Further, since the last “scene” when I left the hotel the next morning was as a positive as the opening scene, I tended to forget the slow room service or cramped bathroom, according to research on the power of the sequence of events within an experience – from a vacation to a colonscopy. Yet that last scene we have in a hotel, hospital, restaurant, store or conference is often the most neglected. No small farewell gift? No smiling staff saying “We look forward to seeing you again.” These “peak end” moments have the most impact on how we recall the whole experience.

Even apparently small physical moment make a big emotional and even learning difference. Adapt these multi-sensory cues to pull others to you, your place or event.

Leaving Hint: The last thing you remember is often the most memorable.

4. Get Us Motion Together to Feel Togetherness

Children “are better at math when using their hands while thinking,” found to Josh Ackerman, a MIT psychologist. Further, the weight, texture and hardness of objects we touch affects our opinion of the people and the situation.

Moving Hint: Get people in convivial motion together, walking down a hall where the walls have a sequence of captioned images that build interest, suspense and conversation, Burma Shave-style, to collectively discover the “punch line” or answer in the last captioned image.

Actors recall lines better when moving and we remember more when walking, gesturing, eating or physically working on something together.

5. Literally Warm Us Up

“People are more generous after holding a warm cup of coffee and more callous after hold a cold drink,” discovered Yale University psychologist John Bargh. Offer a warm cup of something when they enter? Cavallo Point Lodge provides guests with lap blankets for the chilly evenings when we want to sit out on the front deck or by the fire pit and watch the Golden Gate Bridge as night falls.

Heating Hint: When they see you or your product after feeling something warm in their hands or on their body they are more likely to like you and what you offer.

6. Patterns Can Disrupt Our Attention and Conviviality

Patterns, whether on the walls or floor or upper part of one’s clothing, break up the observers’ attention span and, like ambient noise in a room from the heating or air conditioning system, make us more agitated and inclined to become irritated by each other’s behavior.

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What a great article! This includes so many “true” aspects and great hints on what to keep up with. Thanks for sharing this great research on what makes us feel comfortable and connects us with people – customers and employees -

Kare so much rich information in this post – I feel that any one of these individual points could constitute a stand-alone piece –

I was immediately struck by this: children “are better at math when using their hands while thinking,” found to Josh Ackerman, a MIT psychologist. Further, the weight, texture and hardness of objects we touch affects our opinion of the people and the situation.”

This was news to me and I am fascinated by the insight – I followed the Ackerman link and am going to do a bit more hunting around – of course I immediately wondered about how this kind of information is used in the education system?

What I loved about this piece on multi-sensory cues is that it brings to light the many, many unseen cues in our environment that impact how we feel and act without us being aware that they are doing so –

I often feel this in relation to working spaces – you can walk into an office and feel attacked by the environment – or supported by it – it’s probably too difficult to measure the ROI for leaders to take into account bottom-line impact but it should be –

Lastly – in response to your question – I find with multi-sensory cues that it is often more about what I am taking away than adding –

There is so much noise – we are all so distracted – less less less – is what I find supports people to stay still enough to listen, learn, reflect – white space I guess -

Cletus other studies have substantiated his findings yet you are right, in part, the second experience has to happen soon after the first “priming” experience of feeling the warm cup. Another study found that putting arms in icy water seemed to reduce one’s will/capacity to persist in a follow-up task. We have justifiable caution in believing conclusions of some behavior research when they seem too sweeping and/or when subsequent research, using a different design, seems to have conflicting results.

I find it fascinating that movement can play such an important role in how we relate to each other and increase the ‘stickiness’ of the experience. I’m curious about how to create better narratives/stories and was wondering if you have any good examples?

Teri 1. re movement, notice how teams or projects boost bond-building as we get in motion together, how many religions involve rituals in which “we” move together…. some examples, 2. Tell to Win book offers several specific tips on purposeful narratives that pull others into “our” story + I wrote a column on ways and reasons to tell stories: http://www.forbes.com/sites/kareanderson/2012/08/18/5-ways-storytelling-can-boost-participation-and-performance/