published by Robert Roscoe/ Design for Preservation

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Newt Gingrich Hires the Journal of American Rocket Science to Design Transport Rockets for Moon Colonies

Former U.S. Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich’s campaign promise to have colonies on the moon by the end of his second term as President will depend on the right type of rockets to transport the construction materials and continuing supplies to the lunar orb. The Journal of American Rocket Science is now in the design phase of the extraterrestrial vehicles to do the job under a contract with Mr. Gingrich.

Of special importance to this venture is the most powerful form of fuel for rocket propulsion and the JARS scientists have hit upon a highly innovative material—the former speaker’s legendary hot air. Gingrich’s speech has been well known to be extremely fiery and explosive, and its tremendous volume can provide unlimited amounts to power the fleet of rocket ships back and forth to the moon.

JARS scientists have discovered that his hot air contains a noxious compound that can outperform conventional rocket fuel. Moreover, its extremely high volatility may be possible to extend American colonies to the planet Mars, which Gingrich believes—with Republican inhabitants—can fittingly become a red state planet.