Robert Dubac’s “The Male Intellect”

According to Robert Dubac, man’s struggle to understand women – and vice versa – will never end.

“Women are a paradox,” says the comedian, who performs his one-man show, “The Male Intellect,” February 8 at the Claremont Opera House. “They want us to figure things out. But once we do, they want us to stop. Honesty is the most important thing to a woman – unless it’s the truth about her. They want a man to be more intelligent, but get ticked off when he’s right.”

Dubac doesn’t let men off the hook. “We like the Three Stooges,” he says, “while women don’t think even one stooge is funny. Three – that’s redundant.”

In “The Male Intellect,” the comedian morphs into an array of characters, all with worse instincts than his, to try and close the communication gap between the sexes. There’s the Colonel, a stereotypical redneck who insists that honesty is what women want, but has an odd idea of what that is.

Tell her you’re a jerk, he coaches “Bobby,” the perplexed character at the center of the show. Later, when she realizes it’s true, you can remind her that she was warned.

The bon vivant Jean-Michel offers some useless advice – “speak French,” he says, “women love that” – but does provide a telling assessment of the difference between the sexes when the subject is sex. “It is like a little light switch in your room of love,” he says. “It is on – I want it. Oops, I changed my mind – poof, it’s off.”

Man’s switch has only one position, says Jean-Pierre. “Because we never know when yours will be on, we have to keep ours on all the time.”

Throughout the show, Dubac ranges across a two-sided stage that represents his confused mind. The masculine right side, where his chauvinistic alter egos live, is cluttered and chaotic. It’s filled with stuff, like a dented file cabinet where he keeps his beer. “What?” he asks, popping a Corona. “I keep it filed under ‘B’.”

The left side, on the other hand, is a virtual clean slate, waiting to be filled with enough secrets for the just-dumped Bobby to win back his fiancé. Bobby’s feminine voice will only provide hints about how he should do that, leaving him to fill in the gaps.

Before “The Male Intellect” began its’ long run – now over 12 years, and translated into four languages – Dubac did stand-up comedy and worked as an actor. He appeared in the movies “Sketch Artist” and “The Rookie,” and had guest television roles in “Growing Pains,” “Diff’rent Strokes” and a 2-year stint on the soap opera, “Loving.”

As a comedian, Dubac honed his skills on the late 70’s concert circuit, opening for groups like the Allman Brothers and Jimmy Buffett. He also toured with the Police, who are currently readying a reunion performance at the upcoming Grammy broadcast. Back then, they were an unknown band on their first American run. “We rode around in two Econoline vans, trying to shove alternative music and comedy down the mouths of the southern rock and roll circuit,” says Dubac.

“The Male Intellect” isn’t autobiographical, he says. Dubac’s been happily married for 11 years, and his wife, a former actress, provided him with a lot of input. “When I first started doing the show, it was this little group of misogynists who were trying to figure out women,” he says. “With her help, it grew into something – a guy who’s going to flush that out of his system and face life as it really is. That’s more conducive to a relationship than drawing a line in the sand and saying that’s the way I am.

“I tell people I wrote the show, but she explained it to me,” says Dubac. “That’s her joke, actually. I have to give her credit.”

He wrote the show in the early 90s, as he grew tired of a misguided stand-up scene. “The weight of the material you could do on stage got less and less,” he says. “It was all built for that six-minute television spot that everyone wanted to get on the Tonight Show. I think it stifled the creativity.”

Though Dubac plays the subject for laughs, he wants the show to provide “a positive experience.” Couples should think of “The Male Intellect” as a pre-Valentine’s Day gift. “I am kind of sifting through the decades of therapy people go through and giving it to them in 90 minutes.” For men, it’s easier and cheaper than weekly visits to the shrink, he says, “and you get to do it while you watch another guy drink a beer.”

Seriously, says Dubac, “the show celebrates the differences between men and women, and how you can work it out.”

What’s the secret? “ It’s OK to think like a woman – it doesn’t make you gay,” he says. “Well, maybe gay enough to use coasters.”