Bankroll Beatdown

Published 7:37 am, Thursday, August 27, 2015

Tim Wilkin and Mike Jarboe each was given a mythical $2,000 to spend as he sees fit during the Saratoga season.

Tim Wilkin

Big day for Dolly Parton, who will get her, I mean, his, final name of the meet on Friday. American Pharoah came to town and the jumbled one thought it would be a good idea if he went over and saw the Triple Crown winner. Once he got over to the backstretch (a place he has never seen before), he pulled out his fiddle and began to play one of his favorite odes: Take-Me-Back-To-The-Freezer-And-Get-Me-Some-Possum-Stew-And-Taters. Horses from all sides of the backside came 'a runnin' from everywhere, like a stampede from "Jumanji." Leading the cavalry charge was Smilin' Jack Knowlton, dressed like general George Custer, making like he was on his way to the Little Big Horn. Jarboe, scared, ran while Smilin' Jack lined up his bazooka for a clear shot. Oh, by the way, a horse named Jarboe (honest) finished ninth in the 11-horse fifth race at Indiana Downs (true). Beat by like a zillion lengths. Stopped on the backstretch to pick up a sandwich. For today? No bets. I am going to take a day, take a breath, and regroup. Maybe it will mean I will pick all 10 races right in the picks box. Sure it will.

Wednesday's results: Wavell Avenue finished first in the 8th. Needed Sweet Whiskey or Irish Nuggets to do that. Neither did. We lost. Took a shot on a triple. Failure. Stinkeroo.

Losses: $200

Bankroll: $1,089.60

Mike Jarboe

Got involved in the backstretch media scrum Wednesday when Triple Crown winner American Pharoah made his triumphal arrival at the Spa. Wilkin was there, too. He was throwing elbows in the media pack like Ron Artest on one of his cranky days and knocked one poor local TV cameraman clear onto Nelson Avenue, where he tumbled for half a furlong, spilling a big plate of mashed potatoes.

Poor guy picked himself up and went rummaging through a barn at the harness track looking for a pitchfork to get a little revenge on Timmy. Not sure how all that turned out. Meanwhile, American Pharoah walked off the van and caught the sour look on Wilkin's puss. Looked for all the world like the champ was going to turn around and hop aboard for a bat-out-of-hell van ride back down the Northway. Wilkin: the angry, bitter man who almost frightened American Pharoah clear back to southern California. Reverting to the strategy that gave us our big score: $10 pick three, fifth, Malibu Charlie, Bow Tie Affair, Ogermeister/Slim Shadey, Slip By, Unbridled Ocean/No Tunes, Pink Freud Live, Dot Product. That should be more than enough for today.

Total bets: $270

Wednesday's results: Fired a blank on the three-horse exacta box in the second (that trick never works, as they said on Rocky and Bullwinkle.) Sandy'z Slew finished second, but we had a two-horse exacta box saver that brought back $129. Global Positioning set the pace in the John's Call but wilted late. That was expensive.