Dave: On May 24, 1990, it was our ten-year anniversary—I sort of surprised Ann with a ten-year anniversary date. We dressed up and went to a really nice restaurant. I sort of set it up with the waiter, while we were having dinner / when I would queue him—sort of give him a look—he was supposed to bring a rose over. So, I queued him early in the dinner—he brought over a rose and laid it on the table. We talked about year one.

Ann: He was like a little boy that night—like waiting for the next thing to happen.

Dave: Then I looked over later, and he brought another rose. So, anyway, every rose was a year; and we would talk about that year.

Ann: He was so sweet—he even planned what he was going to say when each rose arrived.Little boys are indeed sweet, but they aren’t sexy. Later that night Dave tried to kiss his wife, and she explained that she no longer had feelings for him.

Dave: So, I leaned over to kiss Ann. As I leaned over to kiss her in the passenger seat, she sort of pulls away.

Ann: “Ugggghh!” I was just like, “Honey, I can’t even!” In my head, I was thinking, “I cannot even go there.”

Dave: So I pulled back, and look at her, and said, “Is something wrong?” She looks at me—and I’ll never forget this—she goes, “Well, yes, there is something wrong.” I am like, “What’s wrong?” And she says, “Well, to be honest with you, I’ve lost my feelings for you.”

Pastor Wilson was an All-American quarterback at Ball State and a leader of men, but by supplicating to his wife he took on the form of a little boy and killed his wife’s attraction for him.

Let's be perfectly clear: a woman is more likely to want to have sex with you if you punch her in the face than if you bring her roses. I'm not saying that means you should punch her in the face, I'm saying you that you should stop thinking that bringing her roses is going to inspire her to want to have sex with you.

One very important thing to keep in mind if you want to stay married is to pay absolutely no attention to professional marriage experts. Their answer is always for the husband to grovel before the woman, which generally works about as well as Dave's little performance with roses did.

And even more important, remember that marriage doesn't turn off the rules of attraction.

25 comments:

Professional marriage experts, particularly mainstream Christian marriage counselors, are all misguided or lying. They assume being nice and thoughtful equals good and righteous, and they are all of them wrong.

These stories are so sad because these men are confused, their wives are losing interest and becoming frigid or busy, they look for answers, and they get bad advice that backfires terribly. Flowers aren't always bad; they're good if unexpected or if you have a funny note or if you send them to their work where they can bask in the glory a little bit. But they are a nice thing to do when the girl is already attracted to you. They don't build attraction. But this supplicating advice is bad bad bad. Be cocky, be distant, be decisive, just be a man, and you'll have better luck. But the advice most guys get (and that I got and followed until I was maybe 30 to ill effect) is all wrong.

Professional marriage experts, particularly mainstream Christian marriage counselors, are all misguided or lying. They assume being nice and thoughtful equals good and righteous, and they are all of them wrong.

See, it's simple, you ask women what they want, and then you tell the man to do that. It's like science! And the fact that women lie to themselves specifically about what they want doesn't enter into the equation.

I wanted to raise a good son. And my church had so many programs to help a man teach his son. Some of them were good, some were great, others. They would have him treat his girl like a princess. His natural nature is overly self confident, maybe even cocky. He is a young man who has a hard to hold on to edge about him. A bad ass with a good heart, if he loves you.He attracted many girls, but one fought hard for his attention, very hard. She loved the bad ass. He grew to love her after a while and few other woman in his life. He started to treat her the way he was taught to. Like a princess, just like I taught him too. Even though I suspected that doing that could bore a young girl who fell for a hard young man. Five years latter my son heard those words. I don't have those "feeling for you anymore". He is heartbroken and I need to tell him I'm sorry. Almost everything I taught you about relationships was wrong. Yes you needed to stay a bad ass to her. A woman needs to know she is not a princess and their are a lot of girls on the girl tree. If she loved a bad boy, you cant change, you need to stay the way you are. Stay a hard man to keep, but always worth it.

Churchianity lies, christian men are not soft men and woman do not love soft men.

I've never bought roses (or any flowers) for my wife. If we go out to dinner for whatever reason, it's not anything special -- it's because I'm hungry and want whatever they serve. Since my wife and I share food tastes pretty well, she's usually happy with that, also.

I'm no Alpha, but supplication to women feels especially wrong. The whole complicated romance business just looks ridiculous from any kind of objective point of view.

Affirmation not supplication. That is what she wants from a "romantic gesture". Which is why grand gestures always flop.

The Grand Gesture is always going to seem Gamma to her because the grand gesture is ultimately about "you". In the Grand Gesture, you have made her just another prop standing on her pedestal for your little play. In the big romantic Grand Gesture, you have made it plain that you don't really care about her at all. It's all about your feelings for her. Women always hate that.

The petite gesture with just a little bit of thought about her involved will get you light years further. For example; not too long ago I found a small shop where the owner made her own chocolate truffles. The owner mixed her own chocolate, shopped for local ingredients, the whole nine yards. I took my wife there very unexpectedly after having lunch together one day when we both had the day off. I just took her in out of the blue and let her nose around and talk to the owner. That was it.

When we went home I told her, "I'm gonna grab a quick nap." And I actually meant it.

To which she pantingly replied, "uh, no."

Also: So, anyway, every rose was a year; and we would talk about that year. (note: it was their tenth anniversary)

Okay, forgive Cataline for stating the fucking obvious here but never remind a woman of her age unless she is nineteen.

@VD Does this only happen in hypersexual societies, or not in none-hypersexual societies?

Attraction is usually a contrast of social mores, the herd mind of women relying more on social cues then men, as they have less gray matter then men.

A need for Alpha jerks, instead of bonding in a relationship, harbingers of the elevated social status of women, & the associative lack of oxcytocin, an extreme lack of bonding hormones from exposure to hordes of alpha's, insteaad of normal men...

I have a note written in pencil in 1917, in which my great-great-grandfather waxes poetically to his beloved wife on the occasion of their 50th wedding anniversary. Women raised in the 19th century didn't find love poetry creepy and desperate. What changed?

A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet,But it takes an uppercut to knock her off her feet.The hue of rosy petals will quickly brown and fadeBut the man who beats her is sure of getting laid.

Flowers are a gesture; thorns are just a prickBeat her with your knuckles, then pound her with your dick.Blushes last a second; bruises shine for daysLeave the sappy compliments to girlfriends and teh gays.

One of the most interesting things that came out of dipping my toe into tumblr is discovering that sometimes girls treat it like a diary instead of the public platform that it is. So then I found out that sometimes even a nice, sweet, innocent, virginal Christian girl doesn't actually want to be supplicated with flowers quite as much as she wants to marry a man who will shove her up against a wall and kiss her.

I quickly discovered just from those words that, actually, the idea of ditching flowers and simply shoving a sweet young lady against a wall does have a certain aesthetic appeal to it.

I have been married 20 years... My wife she loves me.. as she should, she is a lucky woman to have me.. Never show weakness.. never.. never... never... Its a mans burden, you have to play hurt about half your life.. suck it up

Love is an act of the will, not an emotion - that is passion. Women have not been taught to be dutiful, so they are looking for thrills. But all thrills and passions cool, so they have nothing but playing a merry go round like a junkie looking for their latest hit.

Men are more romantic than women, and this serves as a warning to not show her "what is in your heart" because it will come back to bite you.

Women need to be educated as to what marriage is, with a list of do's and don'ts, and if they cannot follow the game plan they need to be dumped - divorced, or annulled for lying about their marriage commitment.

I would suspect that 99.95% of modern women lie in their hearts when they take their vows, especially on the obey part. That inner lie makes the marriage annullable if you can get them to admit it.

I have a note written in pencil in 1917, in which my great-great-grandfather waxes poetically to his beloved wife on the occasion of their 50th wedding anniversary. Women raised in the 19th century didn't find love poetry creepy and desperate. What changed?

RE: the difference of then and now.Back then, you spent 12 hours of the day looking at the south end of a northbound mule. I don't care what she looked like, she looked better than that end of the mule. In the same way, she had no interaction with other people outside of a few people linked closely to you. No one to breed dissatisfaction in you, be it Ophrah, the Kardishans, the Wilsons or whoever else is on the teevee in the afternoon.