It’s not easy to find and meet a good Muslim man or woman for marriage. This is part two in a series that gives concrete advice on how to find the perfect Muslim spouse.

Part one of this series referred to friends of your family. In this part, I’m talking about communicating with your own friends and asking them if they know of someone who might be a good match for you.

It can be embarrassing to say to your friends, “I’m trying to get married. Do you someone who’s looking?” But in my opinion, being open with your friends about your search is one of the most effective means to find a Muslim marriage partner.

Why does this work so well? Three reasons:

Friends Carry Authority

We tend to give weight to the opinions of our friends. We also tend to think of them as unbiased sources of information. If they do have a bias, it’s usually in our favor. So if a friend says to me, “I know someone who is perfect for you. I’ve known her for a long time and she’s a good Muslim sister.” Then I will probably listen to that friend and trust his opinion. I will be much more likely to consider the woman. Without the recommendation, she’s another face in the sea. With it, she’s a serious candidate.

Just make sure that the friends you talk to are people with good character and morals. If you have a friend who lives a haram lifestyle and goes from one disastrous relationship to another, that’s not the one to ask. But if you know any Muslim couples who are pious and happily married, they’re the perfect ones to solicit help from.

People Care About Friends’ Perceptions

One of the factors by which we measure a potential spouse – whether we admit it or not – is whether or not our friends will be impressed. It may be shallow, but we all do this on some level. When a woman thinks of being with a man or marrying him, she asks herself, “What will my friends say? Will they like him? Will they approve?” We tend to think of a spouse as an extension of ourselves and our reputations. So a attractive, appealing spouse boosts our own sense of self-worth.

Since our friends’ opinions matter, it’s wise to choose someone from the beginning who our friends approve of. Asking friends for recommendations and connections is one way to do this.

Friends Can Act as Go-Betweens

Another good reason to involve your friends in seeking a spouse is that the friends can act as intermediaries between you and the other candidate. If you know a Muslim couple this works particularly well.

Let’s say you are a man seeking a wife. You tell your friend Ali about it. He talks to his wife Maryam. She says, “Yes, I know someone who would be perfect! Her name is Ghada.” So she talks to Ghada, and perhaps Ali and Maryam host the two of you for dinner. You’re able to meet Ghada in an environment where the two of you are comfortable.