books about sex, life, and romance gone to hell

RULES! Part 9.

49. If you want something, you better be the best at it, put your all into it, and charge what you’re worth.

50. Truck stops are dirty. No joke. Have you ever watched gay porn? Like 75% of it is filmed at truck stops. Because apparently that type of stuff goes down at truck stops. A lot.

51. The Ex, the one that dumped you, broke your heart…will eventually call. But by then, you need to be strong enough to decline whatever the offer and move on.

52. Stop eating Kraft Singles American Cheese. Yes, it’s fun to play with. But your relationship with it should end there.

53. NEVER eat before the deed. When you need to be sexy you do not want to be bloated or gassy. Small, light, low-carb portions at dinner, and no beer.

54. And ALWAYS dessert before dinner. It’ll help you burn through the calories and not be bloated or gassy when you do the deed.

55. And if you’re a guy, and you want to do the deed with a girl, you must tease, tease, tease–if you want to get her off. Unless you’re new and she’s built you up in her head and obsessed over you for days, weeks, months…then she’ll come like fireworks on 4th of July.

56. Cardio Barre is a great ass workout. So is the deed. Especially when you put your back into it.

57. Don’t ever tattoo any name on your body. This includes her name, his name, your name, your favorite product, religious icon, band, or sport team. Just don’t.