Monthly Archives: November 2014

When you’re grieving, the line which separates right and wrong will be slightly blurred. Certain negative emotions and behaviors like screaming and even breaking things are no longer considered unacceptable, but a natural process of being human and grieving for the loss of your loved one – contextually something good. It’s not easy to view your loved one so still and lifeless, carefully handled by funeral parlors or cremation services. Their death causes such immense and unbearable pain that almost anything negative you feel and do becomes part of the natural reaction and therefore, becomes permitted as long as no one else is hurt.

To a huge extent, this is true as that tipping point of being correct or wrong had been lowered down with valid reasons. But here is the bottom line of this article: that tipping point still exists. There are some things which may be common among grievers, possibly still understandable, but should strictly be avoided to prevent self-destruction.

Swimming against your emotions

If you swim against the current, you will drown. Many people beat themselves up for having “wrong” emotions. This is incredibly unhealthy and based on misconception. Although it’s true that there are five stages of grief in psychology, there is no fixed sequence in reality. Feelings are not data and therefore will not always be the same in every case. There is also no fixed duration or isolation of stages. Some people might take longer time to emotionally heal and some people might experience an overlap of two stages at one time. It’s your unique way of reacting and that doesn’t make you abnormal. Whatever you feel is part of the turbulent process. Constantly condemning yourself for having a certain feeling can cause serious emotional instability and chronic depression.

Self-isolation

It is understandable, at the very least. You may feel like nobody understands what you’re going through. You might even judge people as fake and superficial with their condolences. However, you have to understand that the pain is too hard for you to deal with on your own. You need people to firstly, empathize with you. You need someone who “gets it” and therefore keeps you from feeling alone on this tough journey. These people can be your family members, or whoever is grieving as much as you are for the same deceased loved one. Secondly, you need people to help you maintain a healthy mental life. Being secluded with feelings of misery is mentally unhealthy. Do some sports or watch some movies with caring friends. This is not living in denial but instead, giving you a breather from the sorrow.

Pre-death avoidance

Due to immense anticipatory grief, some people can’t handle the reality, and hence choose to stay away from their ill loved one. Though understandable, it’s greatly discouraged as you’ll regret it after their death. It’s healthy for you to accept that it’s their time and act on that. You can then possibly discuss whether they’d prefer burial or cremation services, what kind of cremation urn they did like, what inspiring or religious songs they’d like to be played and a whole array of other pertinent things. It may seem scary and weird initially, but being in denial is much more emotionally murderous. Don’t forget that your loved ones also need your support and empathy – staying away from them will not achieve this.

All in all, grief is a difficult but inevitable part of life as everybody has people they love dearly. Dealing with death was never and never will be easy. However, it’s still crucial to take good care of yourself. Think of it this way: your loved one would definitely want the best for your well-being. To honor them, do what is best for your emotional health even in the midst of grief.

There are many aspects involved in choosing between burial and cremation. The truth is that the real choice boils down to your personal situation: what your deceased loved one wants, what you reckon suits him or her and your own set of preferences and values. Why? This is because fundamentally as an afterlife service, many people fail to see that neither is better than the other.

Cost

This is where cremation gets debunked. Although it’s true that direct cremation with no associated funeral is a much cheaper, this is not what most people want. Many people want to be embalmed and be located in a casket prior to being cremated. Some want their remains to be located at a columbarium or at a cemetery plot.

Furthermore, there are some extremely costly activities which many want to do with the remains like launching them into space or turning them into diamonds. This would render the cost of the whole cremation package similar to a burial or maybe even more. Hence, it’s unreasonable to choose cremation because it’s “cheaper”, because when you’re looking for high quality, it’s a far cry from cheap. Burial isn’t cheap either but needs no rebuking as its costliness is widely understood.

Establishment

Many people might think that cremation is a modern phenomenon and hence they might be wary. In other words, they would rather stick to burial as it’s more of an established convention which had worked out just fine for very long as compared to the new and untested cremation. This is untrue. Although burial has been practiced since 5000 BC and cremation 3000 BC, it’s still miles away from “modern”. The popularity of cremation has risen only recently, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t effectively existed all this time. It can be considered established just as how burial is. In fact, studies had shown that the practice of cremation might have been conducted even 20,000 years ago.

Environment

The truth is both methods harm the environment in their own way. Burial harms the ground while cremation harms the air. The rare hardwood that burial caskets need is associated with deforestation and non-biodegradable materials harming the soil. Embalming chemicals can also cause environmental detriment as it leaks into the soil and kills plants. On the other hand, cremation also has its share of environmental compromise. It requires a great deal of fossil fuels, releases greenhouse gases (aggravating global warming), nitric oxides and sulfuric dioxide (aggravating acid rain). Cremation also faces a rising problem: mercury emissions. Therefore, neither are can be considered tree-hugging methods.

Honoring your deceased loved ones has one objective: to carry out their wishes or taking care of their remains you think they would like it. You might have this discussion with your loved ones before so let this be your personal guide, as relying on external factors can be largely confusing. Whether it is cremation or burial, both cost similarly in all aspects, if high quality is imperative for you (which it should definitely be). Hence, make the cost worth it by making it coincide with what your deceased loved one wants. Let this be a service of respect and thanksgiving for his or her contributions in your life.