Australia Lays Claim to North Pole

Canberra, Australia - Add Australia to the growing list of countries that are claiming the Arctic sea bed as a part of their national territory.

Most of the countries that previously claimed that the Arctic was theirs, however, are in proximity to it, like Canada, Russia, and Norway. Australia, as you know, is nowhere near the Arctic. In fact, if anything, shouldn't Australia be claiming territory in Antarctica instead? We posed this question to the Australian government.

In response, spokesperson Dimme Kooloowawe said, "Yes, we know that conventional wisdom says that Australia should look south to the nearby Antarctic. But since when have we Aussies ever been conventional? You don't put shrimp on the barbie without taking risks. Besides, with plate tectonics, Australia will be closer to the Arctic than the Antarctic in 65,000 years. What sort of governmental oversight would it be for us to neglect this fact and not protect our populace's future by staking claim to the Arctic today?"

For those who say that the future benefits are too far down the line, Kooloowawe said, "In the short term, we Aussies also benefit from this claim because it allows us to launch the NorthPole.au website, which will sell Australian goods to all sorts of gullible children throughout the world. As you can see, this clearly is a win now, win later move."

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