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Sunday, August 22, 2010

I am working on planning my move to Minnesota more and more every day. I have nothing left here in Florida. I would even see my father more if I lived up north. I'm not getting any younger, and I am really craving a slower-paced, goal-oriented lifestyle. I have not been able to find that in the 19 years I've lived in Florida, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Nor do I see myself finding the kind of hard-working family man I so crave, either.

So, it's time for me to really crack the whip on myself and work, work, work. I need to help my father get this house finished up so that when I do decide to leave it behind he can do whatever he wants with it and won't have to worry about the work needing to be done. I need to start saving every penny I can (which honestly I don't have a lot of to begin with), and I need to start deciding what I want to do when I grow up.

And, of course, I need to really push the walking hard. By next summer it would be nice if I could walk with just a cane - or even nothing at all - but I'm trying to be realistic. I am getting stronger day by day, but it's in very small incriments. I have been idle for so many years, it's going to take a very long time to get revved back up. I remember back in the day when I was working as a dancer and I got pregnant with my daughter. I only took a few months off, but in those few months I lost a lot of strength in my legs. So much strength that simply standing up from a crouched position required me to use my arms to assist. I was 20 years-old then, and in peak physical condition. I'm 35, and I've been in a wheelchair for 12 years. This might take a while.

Nevertheless, I'm up for the challenge, and it will certainly give me something to keep my mind occupied until I can go back home.

Every day I try to push myself past my comfort zone and do more than the day before. Some days are better than others, but as long as I continue to push I should be OK.

Like my dad says; "If at the end of the day you don't feel tired, you didn't do enough."