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Author
Topic: Words to the scared from someone who's been there ... (Read 2447 times)

Hello folks - I hope the experts are all well! I just wanted to stop by and share something with the people who are scared to death they have contracted HIV. I've visited this forum more than once where I've been absolutely 100% convinced I had HIV. Once - around six years ago - was from having unprotected (albeit brief) insertive anal sex with a transexual (who turned out to be HIV positive - I know, I tested together with this person). And the second time was more recently, in which I was very briefly penetrated by a transexual (unprotected again). Now, the question as to WHY I was being stupid is another story; and one I'm learning about in therapy. However, I can assure you people reading this of ONE thing: My body took on ALL the symptoms! I constantly surfed the 'net, and I had every ARS symptom you can imagine. I would literally come home from work (for months, mind you), get on the 'net, and go to bed with my laptop in hands. I searched endlessly for pieces of information that gave me a bit of relief; but more times, I read stuff that scared the crap out of me. I was in a living hell on BOTH occasions! And, both times I ended up seeing HIV specialists - some of the TOP dudes in California (one being Dr. Eric Daar, who specialized in primary HIV infection at one ... and recently, one of his friends - another HIV specialist). Anyway, BOTH of these doctors assured me, just as the experts are trying to assure you, that I was OK. They let me know that HIV, while a VERY serious virus, is also pretty darn hard to catch. You're not going to get it from finger cuts, kissing, getting blow jobs (and probably not giving), or protected sex in which your condom slips for one second, etc. And, you're not going to be the exception to this. This shouldn't give you license not to be safe, not at all. But, it should remind you that HIV is not a punishment - it's a virus. Whatever you've done which makes you feel guilty, God isn't waiting to zap you with HIV! No doubt, if you've been having unprotected intercourse - especially in high risk situations - you need to get tested. But, surfing the internet constantly is going to ONLY add to your fear ... trust me. I know these are only words on a screen, and they pale in comparison to the screaming trumpets of guilt blasting in your head ... but read this. Read it again. Read the words of the experts - Ann, Andy, Rod and the rest - these cats KNOW what they're talking about. Their patience amazes me - and I'm a teacher! Anyway, if you've had unprotected intercourse, get tested. I already suspect you know if you've been in a high risk situation; but nevertheless, use condoms. And GUYS, if you consider yourself straight (whatever the hell that means) and you've received a blow job from a guy, or briefly given one for that matter ... for cryin' out loud - RELAX! You won't get HIV from that. Listen to those trumpets of guilt and see where they're coming from - the source ain't gonna be God or HIV. And, understand the POWER of your brain - yes, stress can make you SICK" night sweats, mouth sores, fatigued, etc. Again, hello to the experts ... and a big thanks.

I echo the same sentiment. I in two weeks, I will be going into my 13 week conclusive period. These guys and gals have been heaven sent. I take it that you may have read my post. It is definitely a wake up call. I was so cautious here in the US that I let down my guard somewhat once I traveled away from the mainland. From reading a great deal of these post, I sense other Americans have done the same thing. Like Andy told me only I am responsible for my health, regardless of where I am at around the world. However, I do have couple of questions regarding the symptoms you were experiencing. I notice one or two people have had some of the similar symptoms I was experiencing. However, my doctor has not been able to diagnosis anything. Was it something that just past for you? Every once in a while, I think it is good to come and share your story.

Ineed - well regardless of what took place (you think you had unprotected recpetive anal intercourse, but you're not sure - did I miss reading what/why you think you did?) - your 11th week test revealed your status. Similar to me, you've had symptoms that linger, come and go, etc. In fact, the only thing that didn't fit perfectly with ARS was the length of my symptoms - they lasted for over two months. I know it sounds easy for me to say, but you're the perfect example (like I was) as to why focusing on symptoms is NOT the way to go. I get the feeling from your response to me that it's not quite over for you yet - not from your test results, but because of where your head is at. Perhaps you should take two weeks to be grateful you're alive, take a breather from the 'net, and then come back and share your negative. And, just to remind you, you ARE HIV negative - congrats!