I never knew following dreams could be this lonely,
But up on the hill, looking back, thank God I'm not the old me.
If the tears will fall, let them be;
I believe this is God's plan, follow your dreams.

Winds may howl,
Wild animals growl,
The forest grows cold,
For I am lonesome and old
As the sun peaks through the clouds,
I hear your soft, young voice so loud!
And though you speak dead man's lines,
You speak them with majesty divine
As I am wrapped in my woe,
I only want you to know...
...that roses die black and violets lose blue,
But I will never die
And you know I love you!

If you are lonely watch the birds
In their freedom of flight--
Feel the warmth of the sun
Kiss your cheeks and smile
Visit the shore and listen to
The waves sing sweet songs
Close your eyes and smell the
Fragrant flowers of spring
Transport yourself through
Time’s great abyss
In memories of streams that
Flow with a youthful glow. . .
Dive in pools of aqua waters
Through your mind’s eye
Delight in the breezes playful
Mood as the trees sway in tune
Listen to the purr of a
Contented cat in your lap
Write a letter to yourself
And promise to answer. . .
Better yet write a poem,
One that will linger long
In someone’s lonely mind.

sometimes i talk to myself,
my mind is racing,
i dont know what to do...
so hard to explain.
depression isn't a stage
or a faze some kids go through
it shatters you...
i saw it all.
she cried silent in her bed,
blood stains covered her favorite jeans,
her every shirt,
long sleeve ofcourse...
she suffered through it all with few people to call friend
and more to call enemy
even more to say where quite dissappointed....
FAT
her first name in school,
not started by a bully
or a mean rival,
but by her sister,
and it echoed through her soul,
repeating in her mind... over and over again,
like the ripples of still water
when a pebble is dropped
flash frozen in time
repeating,
over and over again...
It was the first name they gave her,
millions where created over the years,
some unique
some repeating again, just as the first had..
gothic they called her,
emo, fat, ugly....worse things.
but in her mind, things where worse.
everything was repeating,
over and over again,
finally she believed it.
she asked for help, from everyone
tried to explain to parents she wasnt well,
got called a psycho for asking to see a theripist,
not from a teacher,
not from a class mate,
but from her own father, who wouldn't, couldn't,
believe there could possibly be a thing wrong....
finally, crying, she confessed her bloody secret to a teacher.
rather then giving her time,
she is sent back to class crying her eyes out, as if she wherent going through enough...
she is sent to the principals office a few minutes later, after breaking down in class...
the princlipal says she needs help,
sends her and her dad for a risk evaluation,
her dads crying as she shows him her cuts...
they walk into a hospital room,
it smells of chemicals and hand sanitizer,
the lady at the desk gives her a smile.
then she goes into a room with a lady,
her cheeks are sunken in and shes wearing way too much makeup,
the girl is gaging on her perfume,
and she looks really intimidating....
her dark brown hair looks dead and flat
even though its a bit wavy,
and she wears somewhat of a mocking frown.
asks her all these questions,
is mommy beating her?
no
is daddy raping her?
no
is she doing drugs?
not alot
is anyone beating her?
pass...
did anyone molest her?
pass....
oxcarbezapine, trazadone, citalipran, clinazapam, colonipan,
valium, lithium, more.......
and thats what they gave her,
more...
some numbed the pain
some brought it out
tearing through her organs,
she became an addict by the time she was fourteen....
over dose after over dose
some for pleasure
some for pain,
gashes on her legs getting deeper,
this time she didnt tell a soul,
not even those she had come to call friends....
wakeup she screamed in her head over and over again
as she dropped weight like it was nothing....
you cant controll it she argued as things became worse.
at age fourteen she attempted suicide,
she didnt quite succeed.
the medication took away her aappitite....
she liked it
she hated her body
hated herself
felt out of controll
found a new way to cope
as she shoved tooth brush after toothbrush down her throat
to keep her body from nuitrients...
as she whent weeks and weeks spitting food into napkins and making excuses
I ate at my friends house....
spoken as a whisper
heard like a sentance
echoing in her mind over and over again,
along with that word, all the words,
FAT!!!!!!
ugy, anoying, stupid, fake, worthless, nothing...
one bite she would say
rocking back and forth
craving nothing but food
her body racked with hunger pain
one bite and there she was again
FAT!
over and over and over again
back to a toothbrush
this time she sees blood
she saw her ribs
she saw her bones,
it wasnt good enough,
she almost died, again....
choking on this deep dissappointment in herself,
gaging on everything they where pushing down her throat,
their words, and their insults, their criticism.... their drugs
all shoved down her throat like candy
and just as she was was trained to do she swallowed despite the bad taste
or the hurt
or the fact that at the rate she was going she would be dead soon...
and you know why?
because daddy yelled
and couldnt accept what was happening
not because he wanted to hurt her
but because it hurt him,
and she let him believe,
because she could take the hurt if it meant he didnt have too.
because mommy didnt want to sit in her room all day
smoking weed
doing nothing,
practically having us raise ourselves,
she didnt mean to take anger, or frustration or hurt out on her daughter
she suffered everyday in her solitary confinement,
and from a young age she accepted her bedroom was the cage
her mother had created for herself.
because sister didnt want to effect her the way she did
she was just frustrated
fed up with the way things where
scared, she needed someone to take her cruelty
and to help heal her pain...
because people in school
who where so cruel
had to have learned from somewhere
and she wasnt going to play into their games,
and they knew she was an easy target
because she would never attack someone so weak
and she accepted her suffering was a sacrafice
to help all these people....
to help her dad,
her mom,
her sister,
every person who was beaten abused or hurt
and felt so weak at home they wanted to feel strong in the one safe place they had.
because depite the fact she had died inside,
and almost passed away on the out,
it was a saccrafice she was willing to make
so that no one else would have to feel that kind of pain,
and they all inflicted it and broke her down'untill there was nothing left but a shell
of somthing that could have been
and never had the chance
and why?
because she would take it and wouldnt strike back,
because sometimes "just taking it"
isnt so much about the weakness not to do anything
but about the strangth not to hurt others the way they hurt you...

There are places that I've been
that you may never see
As the steady winds are blowing
this storm brews inside of me
But the strong hand that guides me
will surely see me through
As I walk within this darkness
There is nothing left to do
I see the storm clouds gather
as the thunder starts to roll
Lightening flashes all around
as the droplets flood my soul
But when the rain has ended
the sun will shine once more
and I will then be stronger
than I ever was before
So bring on the rain
let me cry these lonely tears
and release the pain
As the lightening strikes
this heart cries out again
I won't give in...
bring on the rain
As everything around me rages
onto my knees I fall
I cry out in desperation
"God help me through it all"
Then this fury deep inside me
slowly starts to drift away
Though a steady rain is falling
I know I'll be okay
So bring on the rain
let me cry these lonely tears
and release the pain
As the lightening strikes
this heart cries out again
I won't give in...
bring on the rain

Cinderella Bites Back
Joanna Davis
Once upon a story; in a fairy tail
Lived a shy and lonely girl
Who's friends were Mop and Pail
She was really quite a clever girl,
But suffered hate and spite
Until an invitation came
And she wished with all her might
‘if only I could go to the ball,’
She cried when no one was around
Then out of a tiny hole,
She heard the faintest sound
'Of course you can go to the ball,
What makes you think you can't?'
'Just because that witch said no,
Doesn’t mean you shan’t!'
'But my dress is in rags,
My feet dirty and bare,
There's nothing in my closet
That I could really wear'
‘Don't worry’ said the little mouse,
For I know just the thing
By the time I've finished,
You’ll have a wedding ring
'Oh no’ said Cinderella,
That's not what I had in mind
I was rather hoping for a career;
A chance to serve mankind
The mouse thought for a moment,
Sized up her situation
'It’s not a wardrobe you need,
But an education'!
So when you read this story,
Or listen to this tale
About a sad and lonely girl,
with a mop and pail
Remember that the dream you wish,
Or star you hope to find
Has always been there with you,
Tucked safely in your mind!

Standing still head's up
Retrospect greatest pitfalls
Mass consciousness whim
Wandering till dawn
Waiting brave for the result
Less breathe heartless beat
Until the mind soar
Now is inexplicable
Sufferings indeed
People grim anew
For the best of all Juries
Render canny nod
Continue service
Captivating voter's wit
Last laugh never ends.

May the Love of Jesus Touch You!
May the love of Jesus bless and touch you!
May his presence be with
and uplift you!
May the joys of the love make
you complete!
And touch you, from your
head to your feet!
May the glory of the lord
be with and keep you!
His majestic power can really touch you!
May the words that he’s spoken,
touch your spirit!
His mercy and salvation…
He freely give it!
May the sweetness of Jesus,
into your life bring!
His righteousness and beauty!
Your everything!
May you take some time
with Jesus in prayer?
How much he loves you!
How much he cares!
By Jim Pemberton 07.28.13

He was always so happy
strong and bold.
He'd give you the shirt off of his back.
Tough.
Independent.
He had a rough life
growing up through the depression,
but like he always does,
he got through it.
He has two boys, of whom he is so proud.
Moved from Regina, to Victoria.
He had the best life anyone his age could have wanted.
But ever since his wife died,
he has not been the same.
Sad
Lonely
Empty.
But like he has always done,
he got through it.
Mind slipping,
just a little forgetful.
That's how it always starts out...
But like always, he powered through it,
until now...
He is not the same person that I used to know.
He been sentenced to the prison in his own mind.
Possessed by the thoughts of his dogs ashes.
He likes to play the blame game,
but we know he doesn't remember that it was him.
He wakes up in the night
shaking with pain,
tears streaming down his face.
There is nothing we can do,
Oh well...
Two more tylenol.
Hold on to hope
for as long as you can,
It's only a matter of time now.
He gets vocal, a very loud tone.
He'll block you in your room
and make false accusations
But we know that it's the pain induced monster in him.
Tick tock, tick tock...
You can't handle the stress anymore
you have to leave.
Just hope for the best,
maybe it will get better.
Surprise, it doesn't.
Your denial is foolish, everyone knows
what happens next.
Sedation
Medication
Anger
Hurt
All results of
dementia

The only thing that is in my bong
is my gift of poetry and song.
Drugs are for thugs
that's hell in a nutshell.
I don't smoke
and I've never done coke.
Believe me
I know that I don't always tell thruth
and that I like to lie.
There has been enough brains fried.
Poet till I die.
Dedicated To All The Victims Of Addiction.

I know its the summer time because of how naturally
Your beauty compliments the caress of a summer breeze
As I watch the world from beneath a shady tree
I take in the delightful comfort of everything I see
But in the same breath I am holding up my hands
Lord will you please give me back the things I no longer have
They are even more a part of me now that they are gone
As the sun falls below where the horizon is still holding on
Somewhere between the falling light and a star lit night
Is a dream that last forever and will never say goodbye
As the wind gently blows through the brush and shakes the leaves
It begins to hum a melody that I want to sing
At that very moment I smile for all the joy I have
Its so uplifting for me to see melancholy dance
Soon the morning sun will rise and capture my eyes
As I watch the hand of God paint a brand new sky
With every stroke of color I swallow all my pride
And I find a new place to dream of endless times
If I should ever get to the place I left my broken heart
Only then will I believe this brand new day will start
Again Im reminded of why my heart beats so restlessly
Only the speed of thought and my soul beneath this tree

P aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
!!

Happiness in a Wrong way – Zamreen Zarook
In the notion of seeking happiness,
I thought of stepping in to nonsense,
I dream I could find success,
But I had only little access.
Every attempt that I lend,
It was an utter failure at the end,
My life was full of difficult bend,
But God is always there as a good friend.
My deeds travel in various ways,
Some times in subways,
Or in times it goes in highways,
But I had the belief, God is there always.
North and south families surrounded,
East and west friends are rounded,
Every time fear on death soughed,
I am trapped, and my merits are loaded.

? ...GONE... ?
I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt
To lose someone you never really had,
Days can be tough and at times cruel
To much for one to bear alone..
I was hoping that you would say
If I feel that I can't hold on any longer,
You'll take my hand and we'll go through it until together.
When the time comes, that if I can't stand on my own again
And I won't need you anymore, I will let go.
I will let go, if that would make you happy..
If you're lonely and your heart feels empty,
Just tell me and I will step inside.
But if One Day, you'll be needing that space for someone else
Don't worry and gladly I will give in my space..
Like in a painful, sad love story
It's amazing how easily to fall inlove with someone,
Who simply smiles, talks or stare at you
The only hard thing to do is to make that person fall for you.
They say that time heals all wounds, but all it's done so far
is give me more time to think about how much I miss You..
Okay, so maybe time heals most wounds, right?
Then why does it feel like it?
The wound is getting bigger and bigger every second.
Maybe Love is just a beautiful dream, and then we wake up..
Just as they always say when somebody leaves
When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness,
Instead keep your head up high and gaze for the stars.
For that is where broken hearts have been sent to heal..
What is the opposite of Two?..
...A lonely me, A lonely You...
They say relationships are like glass
That sometimes it's better to leave them broken
Than risk hurting oneself in trying to put it back together.
Lost in my heart, lost in my mind, I'm lost in your eyes
Entire days, weeks, months, ...a blur...
Flickers of light in the darkness
Only to be enveloped in shadow once more.
And yet within the shadows of pain
Might be the faint flicker of love once fel,t
And that could make all the darkness worthwhile
Because a single "I Love You"
Is worth more than a thousand goodbyes..
I'm tired my Beloved..
of chafing my heart against the want of you,
Of squeezing into little inkdrops and writing it.
Ask me why I keep on loving you
When it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me.
The problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me
I can't force myself to stop loving you..
So I tell myself sometimes..
'Count the gardens by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall.
Count your life with smiles and not with tears that roll." ..
Though sometimes, these tears say all there is to say
And the scars don't ever fade away,
I am thankful that for a moment
I once met You, I once felt you look my way.
I once felt You within me, in my heart and mind
I once was happy and alive with You
I once Loved you and still Loving You... xoxo
P.S ..KYHYCYILY.. always.. ? ? ?
(re-edited letter)

Let the Deicide commence.
You're a voyeur at best!
Your vampiric heart is beating out of your chest!
And you have slayed the ones whom would love you for anything less
Ready to consume the final fragments of innocence,
And for you there is no forgiveness,
On your knees pleading, screaming to a tyrant in the skies;
The father of lies.
I will never be enslaved in your superiority
The people agree: jaded of your false dichotomies.
Know: I will be whomever nature intends to be
Apollo and I will share our dreams,
and you will be forced to see
your failure!
I know who you are...
Readily the first to present your scars
Chained by some despot or mental czar
An emotional homunculus in your mind, behind bars
Reluctant to escape - even when proven fake
Your demented mind - depths no one will penetrate!
...And you see me suffering
Not caring of any casualties
Just as long you recieve your safeguard of sympathy
So very wary of the masses and their Anarchy; Liberious ways
Solipsist - Is there no one you can see?
Even if she was presented burning?
Solipsist - Is there no one you can believe?
Even if Sophia was screaming?
Solipsist - Know you have killed and abused me
Imprisoned in your own personal reality

We Need God Back Into Our Schools!
There are some trying to remove God from this nation!
They do is under; “a church and state separation.”
For many years, God was taught in our schools!
Until the Supreme Court took it away, with it’s rules!
As so many young people look to fill life’s “void.”
They try many things that they think they’ll enjoy!
Rather than having God’s word to obey and live by.
They choose the kind of life that they will die by!
Drugs, sex and violence of many perverted kinds.
Are what is now filling so many young people’s minds!
Read the headlines! Many young people are stressed out!
Yet our government can’t seem to figure it out!
Another shooting… Another act of violence appears!
While any kind of answer seems to have disappeared!
The answer is not more money to solve their problem!
No matter how much the government tries to solve them!
Let me give you answer. It’s called “read the Bible 101!”
It’s time to repent to God the father, the spirit and the son!
Our young people need God brought back into their life!
And allow him to heal their brokenness and strife!
Jesus Christ is the solution for which many are asking!
Only he can give anyone a life that’s everlasting!
Please come Lord Jesus! And heal the wounded hearts!
It’s everyone one of us, that it needs to start!
No court or school can separate God’s love for you and me!
Where will you spend your eternity?
By Jim Pemberton 10/24/13

Your glorious emerald eyes
Glisten in the moonlight
Glisten in the moonlight
Delight dances in the water
I watch it joyfully
You are set free from the cage...
You're like a dove soaring in the sky
You are the rain...
drizzling down in ecstasy
A hint of ecstasy is shown in your reflection...
When you caress me... I'm relieved...
From the stress that forced me in chains
I knew we'd be on the brighter side of tomorrow
We're glistening in the moonlight
I knew we'd become candles in the heavens above us
We're glistening in the moonlight
For a moment, I felt your presence...your radiant with sympathy
I saw at first glance the dark side of you
Tonight, we'll be together and fly through the horizon
We'll watch the sunset say its last goodbye...
We'll wave a greeting at the moon!
We glisten in the moonlight...
What if I was as handsome as the lion...
Roaring with pride and pure courage
What if we were glistening in the moonlight?
Would it bring health to our bones tonight?
Would it make our heart rejoice and overflow with delight?
Would we be able to survive this horrifying plight?
Would we be shimmering like a candlelight?
We're glistening in the moonlight... (6)
Ohh...yeah...ooh yeah...ooh yeahh...
We reach to the stars and hope we can trace a shooting star
I feel the coolness run down my fingers...
We're glistening in the moonlight
You're the dandelions in the fields
You're the gorgeous view that I marvel at everyday
When you kiss me, I live my dreams
We glisten in the moonlight
In a quick moment, I sense a feeling of endless renewal
I roam inside of your illuminating maze
Glow on... sunshine...
Glow on...sunshine...
Glisten in the moonlight...
Listen to the truth and rub it in
You are ravishing like the sunset
But you're ascending while I'm descending
I feel extremely guilty
I wish I could glisten with you in the moonlight
You're glistening in the moonlight (6)
Ohhh yeahh... oohhh yeahh... ohh yeahh
You're glistening in the moonlight (4)
We go our own way
I wish we can glisten like the moon
Glisten like the sun
There's a dream concealed inside of me...
Reveal your light and pour it upon me
You glisten in the appealing moonlight
While I'm subsiding... you're fulfilling your dreams
Of gliding across the horizon
You're independence... keeps on scorching with satisfaction
While I'm below you...
Your emerald green eyes
Stared me down like a hawk...
Your emerald eyes
Gaze down at me genuinely...
I wish we could flee together in reality...
That could be a possibility
To glisten in the moonlight in glee
We were glistening in the moonlight (3)
But that was only a dream...
I'll pray that it turns into a reality
We were glistening in the moonlight
Now, I've misplaced my delight...
Will I ever experience such a brilliant night?

I am a hypocrite and look what I just did:
I fell into my darkest pit; now, again, and again.
I thought that I was strong enough to live the truths I said;
Now I realized I'm much too weak; a fool too ashamed to raise his head.
God, please save me, please forgive me, and please give me strength.
I love You.
I thank You.
I am forever changed.

The Rose innocent white, soft pink, yellows
colors touch your soul vibrant red to amethyst
enhances beauty yet a thorn awaits to break skin
as life does piercing your heart with a thin pin.
My life has shed drops of blood through each petal
as if in return for the love and beauty you feel
hence pain underneath patiently waits the bloodletting ~
The rose symbolizes love yet vulnerable to hold
for when you open your heart it can be left bleeding
The best of surgeons can not beat your heart
It is the inner faith and God himself whom gives strength
whispers in your ear you shall live you will exist
your life meaningful as the water and sun to the rose
For I am your God your existence is not over yet .
You must Live ~You must Bloom

I Went to Church Last Sunday…
I went to church last Sunday, and heard a lesson…
I felt like I was almost in a “delicatessen.”
A “menu” was served, with a “meal” given.
And a “pep talk’” on “how good we’re livin’!
We were asked to shake a hand, “and meet a friend.”
“But don’t say anything that may offend!”
Our comfort was sought after, with “love” in mind!
We were taught to be “considerate and kind!”
We sang a few songs, and raised a few hands…
And got up and down, all through the stands!
A pastor spoke a message, he wanted to be taught.
A “feel good” message is what he sought!
How many “feel good” messages do we need?
In what direction does this church want to lead?
Is it one that doesn’t have a fear of God,
from within?
Is this a place where one
can find freedom from sin???
We need more than a Sunday lesson,
to change this nation!
We need God’s power! With Holy Ghost conviction!
We need pastors that are on fire, with a passion and zeal!
And the believe that Christ’ coming is very real!
May there be a new focus, of Christ’ death on the cross!
And much more emphasis on reaching the lost!
Going to church On Sunday, doesn’t mean a thing…
If living 100 percent for Jesus, doesn’t mean anything!
May your church on Sunday be stirred from above!
And be filled with God’s power,
his holiness and love!!!
By Jim Pemberton

Walking with Hope
I walk with hope,
at long last, I walk with promise,
I no longer crawl,
scurrying between wounded moments,
I stand tall again,
at long last, I sing a peaceful refrain,
sheltered by your love,
I take solace from life's bitter rain,
comforted by your warmth,
I soar free, high above the empty plain.
I walk with hope,
at long last, I walk with promise,
I stand upright,
feeling the radiance of your gentle light,
and I thank you for taking me in,
I am yours, and your breath spreads life,
deep in my heart, my soul, my mind,
you are the love that I have searched so long to find...

As cold as ice
Wrapped round your brain
And darkness unfolds
You’re breathing in pain
It’s been freezing here
In this Land of Shattered Dreams
It’s been freezing here
This corrupted winter stings
It’s been freezing here
(Où est la Lavande?)
Your body can’t stay warm
(Où est la Lavande?)
It’s been freezing here
(Où est la Lavande?)
This cruel and criminal storm
(Où est la Lavande?)
But don’t give up
Don’t despair
Taste the hope
Floating through the air
When the lavender returns
It’ll warm your frozen bones
Vivid violet clothes
In their candy overtones
When the lavender returns
It’ll race across the land
Rebel flower grows
In the palm of your free hand
If you look out your window
The ground’s parched and bare
If you call for your lover
She’s no longer there
If you ponder your life
Well, it feels like a wreck
And your failures are scars
You can never forget
As leaves turn brown
Sky fades to grey
You’re feeling the drought
The end of the day
It’s been lonely here
In this World of Fallen Souls
It’s been lonely here
With nowhere left to go
But don’t give up
Don’t despair
Taste the hope
Floating through the air
When the lavender returns
It’ll warm your frozen bones
Vivid violet clothes
In their candy overtones
When the lavender returns
(Où est la Lavande?)
It’ll race across the land
(Où est la Lavande?)
Rebel flower grows
(Où est la Lavande?)
In the palm of your free hand
(Où est la Lavande?)
When the lavender returns
(Où est la Lavande?)
It’ll warm your frozen bones
(Où est la Lavande?)
Vivid violet clothes
(Où est la Lavande?)
In their candy overtones
(Où est la Lavande?)

There's something unspecific about the autumn nights
A certain shade of color that uplifts my inner child's eyes
Beside a cashmere moon Venus and Jupiter shine bright
Complimented by a sea of blinking infinite twilight
The scent of burning oak lingers in the air from home made fires
Reminiscent of a time when this man was just a child
Careless and so free to dream and any dream to live
Like feathers floating across a field carried by the wind
As a gentle breeze blows through the leaves shivering delightful gloom
Unlike flowers of springtime the disheveled autumn vibrance bloom
Leaves crackle beneath my feet along the skeleton tree path
Where I try to find my peace or a song to make me laugh
The air is so much crisper and also soothing when I breathe it in
Underneath a starry sky and brighter constellations of Heaven
Amidst the trail I pass a lovely couple holding hands
While their children run aside frolicking in a playful dance
An old man and his wife admire the view from a wooden bench
With smiles on their face as if nostalgia is still their closest friend
Its these specific autumn affects that bring me sorrows and joy
Reminding me of all theses things Ive wanted as a man since I was a little boy
Its times like these that I wish I wasn't always so alone
Because I would light an fire with my family and call it home