Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Technically, "it" began a couple of years ago when I decided that this law school thing may just be the "right thing" for me. I read the books (Law School Confidential, One L, etc.) and still I thought that yes, this is good. This is a Good Decision.

So, about a year ago I started studying for the LSAT. I got the Kaplan book and the Kaplan CD. I got the "10 Real" booklet of past published tests. I took Intro to Logic. Ultimately I ended up taking tests 1-42 (at least once) before encountering My Test. Test #43.

It's only Tuesday. Almost exactly 24 hours ago it began, and yet it feels as if it were a very long time ago. Or possibly never. Even though I've (pretty much) decided that I want to attend a law school that happens to admit candidates with significantly lower LSAT scores than the level I had been practicing at, I still couldn't help but be overwhelmed with what This Test meant. It potentially meant the difference between an excellent school and a mediocre one. Or a full ride and nothing.

And then The Question: "How did it go?" Well, I didn't panic, even when I didn't exactly rock the games section. And I didn't have to guess on any questions at all. These are Good Things. Still, it all felt off. I honestly have no clue what my score will be. They say that if you don't feel you screwed up you probably scored within your practice range. Let's hope They are right.

So why aren't I more relieved? Why can't I just say, "I did my best, it's out of my hands?" I was up all night wound up so tight I got physically sick and ended up with chest pains and hyperventilating.

I have been studying for This Test for so long that it became a sort of fixture in my existence. Now It has been replaced with a less hands on experience: Waiting.

I don't do so well with the Waiting. I have a very active imagination that tends toward the worst case scenario side of things. So - I will try to keep busy and try not to create hypothetical situations. Good luck to me.