“Kind of like a fun, happy version of George Orwell’s 'Animal Farm,’ ” he
said in describing the message of CowsUnite.org.

IT’S REVOLTING

“The Resistance, My Sisters, Begins Now,” says a “spokescow.”

I know saying that sounds silly. I’m personally having a little trouble
trying to write this with the constant sound of an irate online herd coming
from some field along a back road off the information superhighway. But we
have to get beyond the distinct possibility that suddenly encountering
talking cows might make us giggle milk and cookies out through our nostrils.

The issues these cows are talking about are serious.

“Cows Have the Right to Be Cows. Cows Have the Right to Graze. Cows Have the
Right to Clean Air. Cows Have the Right to Dignity and Joy.”

Those are some of the rights ‹ cows apparently have agreed upon these ‹
listed on what is being called the “Bovine Bill of Rights.” It’s the focal
point of the movement that Davis or the spokescow ‹ I got confused over who
was doing the talking ‹ claimed was designed to foster “organic dairy,
decent treatment for cows and the critical role of family farmers.”

Wait, I think I hear cows across America raising a collective hoof in
defiance and mooing in agreement.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

You can help cows everywhere by becoming aware of the effects of
confinement, antibiotics, synthetic hormones and pesticides. Humans who
visit CowsUnite.org can learn what cows, at least the cows I’m quoting,
consider the major dangers of the modern dairy industry. And visitors to the
Web site can watch a pair of videos that tell what we two-legged creatures
can do to make life better for our four-legged friends.

“That change can only come from the support of conscientious milk drinkers,
and that’s why we’ve gone to mass media with our message,” said one
spokescow referred to only as “Bessy.”

I’m happy to be of help. I support our sisters in the pasture. I want
contented cows throughout America, especially if it puts an end to that
incessant, irritating mooing that I will not be able to get out of my head
even long after I’ve switched over to some sports Web site.

So, this appears to as good a place in the revolution as any to stop. I
think I’m starting to snort up a chocolate chip.