Thursday, June 9, 2011

This Just In: Umlaut Hö!

This morning started out like any other. I woke up in the bathtub, took off my scuba flippers, puttered into the kitchen, and poured myself a Bartles & Jaymes. Then, I casually checked my Just Dachshunds 2011 wall calendar on which my helper monkey, Vito, notes my appointments, where I noticed the following:

"Holy crap!," I exclaimed, spraying mojito-flavored wine cooler everywhere. Not only was my wiener dog Anthony due for an oil change at the end of the month, but I also had to leave for Gothenburg, Sweden--today! This is because I'll be speaking at the Göteborgs cykelfestival this coming Saturday and it will take me at least two days to ride there from Brooklyn:

Ordinarily it would only take me a day at most, but I'll be making the trip on a fixed-gear for additional street cred. On top of that, it will also take another two days for me to ride my fixie back from Gothenburg to Brooklyn, which means that I will not be posting tomorrow or Monday but will be back on Tuesday, June 14th with regular updates.

Vito will be staying behind and offered to post in my absence, but frankly he's a way better blogger than me and is liable to usurp this entire operation.

In any case, it occurs to me now that I've accepted an invitation from a person I've never met to visit a country to which I've never been in order to go to a festival that is a complete mystery to me since all the promotional materials are in Swedish. Nevertheless, I'm placing my full faith in the "bike culture" and hoping I won't be bound with duct tape, stuffed into the trunk of a Volvo, and dumped into a fjord somewhere. I've also done my due diligence by researching the Gothenburg bike scene and even watching some of their local fixed-gear freestyling "edits:"

Wow, these guys are on a whole other level. I particularly enjoyed the flawless angst-to-barspin, as well as the moment when the protagonist is attacked by a failed Aerospoke representing his own mortality:

I'm also practicing how to pronounce "Göteborg," but I'm not having much luck. Not only does the actual pronunciation have like eight more syllables than there are in the written name, but I don't even hear any of the same letters. In fact, I'm pretty sure he said "Yurts are boring"--which they are, but which doesn't change the fact that I'm, like, totally screwed.

Speaking of being screwed, many riders were screwed in The Great New York City Bicycle Crackdown of 2011 in that they received tickets for things that were not actually illegal. By now I'm sure nearly everybody on the planet Erf has seen the excellent Casey Neistat video, but it warrants inclusion here nonetheless:

I enjoyed this tremendously, but the only thing more frustrating than police ticketing cyclists for not riding in a bike lane is that some people are actually giving the filmmaker a hard time for not wearing a helmet. Apparently here in Canada's custom insole cycle-smugness yields to nothing, not even satire.

Obviously she needs to satirize the incident by making a video of herself plowing into traffic cones and construction sites with both children on the bike. It will become a viral sensation, though the could lose custody of her kids.

If Scotland Yard is still hunting that mass murderer who's been preying on tweed ride participants, I think they may want to have a word or two with the seller, a certain "Mr. Wilsdon:"

I wonder if he also eats the tweed.

And with that, I'm stuffing my messenger bag full of clean underpants, straddling my fixie, and hitting the road to Gothenburg. I look forward to returning to this blog on Tuesday, but until then I remain,

It was raining today, so I took the bus. As I walked to the stop I thought "not so bad, I could ride in this." Then it rained harder and the lightning started up again. I've been caught in worse weather, but that's not the same as going out in it on purpose. So, bus.

Take care. Have you seen Wallander and the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo series? Both made by the Swedish tourist board to warn potential tourists that Sweden is populated entirely by depressed, pyschopathic perverts and policemen.

The lady in London, portaging two kids on her cargo bike, should have gotten a ticket. Not for portaging her kids, but for being so controlling that she did not allow her 9 year old boy to ride on his own bike.

By that age, he should at least have a BMX bike, and being his mom is in all likelihood an avid cyclist, probably two or three other types as well.

Incidentally, there was a piece on the radio today (during P.M. on BBC Radio 4) which featured New Yorkers grumbling about how it's now illegal to do stuff that they think should be their choice, like smoking and eating crap takeaway food in public parks. Is this part of the same crackdown as the bike ticketing?

"for being so controlling that she did not allow her 9 year old boy to ride on his own bike."

Every parent has to gauge the kid, their abilities, the traffic. My 9 yr old isn't allowed on the main arterial streets on his own bike. He does take the lane in the side streets and secondary roads.

If the 9 yr old is a spaz, or has bad eyesight (most kids do relative to adults as fields of vision are very different), or bad directional hearing (again, most kids can hear everything but couldn't tell you what direction it's coming from), then a "controlling parent" becomes "responsible guardian looking out for the best interests of the child."

Yeah that pic is from the site for the bike she was riding. Which, btw, is the same bike that BS was gawking at a little while back.

http://yubaride.com/

They have multiple set ups for child portagating. I wonder what kind of set up she was running.PS. She didn't get ticketed, just told to stop doing it. Vito needs to do a better job with his fact checking duties.

Anonymous at 8:31. If you rinse the lye off your lutefisk before cooking it, it will not peal the paint off your wall.

BGW, don't recommend the lutefisk to BSNYC/RTMS unless you tell him the secret. Don't smell it first, eat it fast, and have a big bowl of Ustacaca (don't have a clue how to spell it, but that is how it sounds) and Lingonberries to eat afterwards.

I remember having it as a pudding, but we made it the same way as this Swedish Cheesecake. I just assume the family recipe that was handed down to me was different from most of the forms used today. Nevertheless, it was good, and in either version, it should do the job of clearing your palette after eating Lutefisk.

Interested in participating in a focus group? Want to win an Ipad 2 or many other prizes?

Ology.com is building a new online platform called 'Ology Social,' and we're looking for serious cycling enthusiasts in the NYC area to give us suggestions on how we should grow and improve the website. Ology Social is all about helping people express and explore their passions with others who share them. We figured the NYC cycling scene would be a great place to find passionate people who will really help us develop an amazing site.

We'll be hosting focus groups in our midtown office starting June 17th and would love to get your opinions and thoughts on the website. All participants in the Ology focus groups will have a chance to win a free iPad 2!

Focus groups will run no more than 1 hour, and we'll be providing refreshments for all attendees. We're looking for people between the ages of 16 and 35 who live in the NYC area (NJ is fine too).

Email Feedback@ology.com if you're interested in participating, and we'll let you know all of the details! Be sure to mention [Cycling Focus Group] in the email subject line, so that we know which focus group to place you in

leroy, I figured Ostkaka (correct spelling for my word "Ustacaca") had probably been made into a song. I did find one YouTube titled Ostkaka that was a music video, but it was heavy metal, probably not what you had in mind. Trying to find something hipster called Ostkaka aka Ustacaca, I did find an interesting site. Not about cyclist, but definitely an interesting hipster article anyway. In Swedish, so you have to Google Translate it, but here it is: Chronicle: Are you hipster or hockey butt?

What is it about people, bicycles, and seatbelts? People ask me all the time if my cargo bike has seatbelts for the kids. I say "what, so they don't go through the windshield of your car?"

"They were not specific about what law I was breaking. They felt my bike was not meant for transporting people, only cargo, and they wanted me to have a a motorcycle-style shaped seat on the back and, ideally, seatbelts."

I have never been to Goteborg but after a walking around Stockholm for a little while my wife agreed that we could have a temporary open relationship. The decision lead to a good time, though I might have left behind a blue-eyed parasite sometimes know as a child.

BGW Lutefisk flat out stinks when cooked. Here in the South it's equivalent is chitterlings. The Oriental version of a food you will not eat if you smell it first is Dorian Fruit.

My understanding Lutefisk falls somewhere between the other two. Dorian is king of the smelly foods with Lutefisk not far behind. Chitterlings are way down the list from the other ones, with some very strong fragrant cheeses falling somewhere in between it and Lutefisk.

Smell is not the only problem. The texture is almost like gel, or just plain glop. If you can handle the smell, the texture is hard to deal with. Most Swedes will put a Pea/Cream sauce on it to disguise this fact too.

I had a short chat with Bike Snob today. Here are some photos from the bike festival in Göteborg, Sweden:http://www.ecoprofile.se/thread-2354-Fotokavalkad-Mycket-estetik-pa-Goteborgs-cykelfestival.html

If I am in an area where I can celebrate Syttande Mai (Norway's Constitution Day,) I will just stick with the lefse. It's great for breakfast buttered with real butter and sprinkled with sugar. It's Norwegian enough for me.

A little know secret the Nordic people will not tell you, eating lukefisk is the equivalent of teenage guys eating hot peppers like habaneros, scotch bonnets, machos, Thai chilies, or jolokias. Like teenagers eating these peppers and saying they really loved them, descendants of Nordic immigrants do the same with lutefisk. To put it in cycling terms, eating lutefisk is like hillbombing with a brakeless fixie. No one really enjoys it more than they would doing it on a regular road bike, but to fit in with your peers, you have to act like you actually love it.

...@bjarney...with a scandinavian-ishy sounding name like that, i'm wondering if your comment, 'fuck the lutefisk' is a literal suggestion from a knowing old pro who survived long winter nights by that method or simply a figure of speech 'cuz you don't like the lutefisk...

Bjarney, the elderflower soda is called "Fanta Shokata," and it is wonderful, even though it is this weird electric light blue color. Try to find it at your local international grocer. You will not be disappointed.

This is a guy who succeeds by using humor, but I put some really dry him questions ... I ask what he wants to achieve with the blog, and he wants to cycling will become a phenomenon that the joke just as with everything else. This will be cycling a bigger part of society.

I wonder what he thinks is critical to cycling will have a greater impact. Better bike lanes and more bike facilities "Law Enforcement" (I will not figure out how to translate the best). To motorists blocking bike lanes without being penalized and that cyclists will be fined for not cycling on the bike path is an example of it.

We talk a little bike culture, coming to Copenhagen Cycle Chic, which would look good cyclists rather than sporty. Bike Snob takes no position here (he wears a really insvettad California Cap), but welcomes all kinds of cyclists, his only wish is that cycling will become a natural part of society. He does not like the conflicts that often arise between cyclists and motorists.

The only criticism I have is that you did the reno and then sold the house! Devastated! I was so looking forward to reading about meals and events that you would have in the new space. I am very envious of the kitchen that you beautifully designed. I often think that if I had a kitchen like that I'd enjoy cooking a little bit more.But I suppose the best thing is we get to experience it all again with the new (old) kitchen! Can't wait!

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!