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http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Mission-to-Moon-3... 300w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Mission-to-Moon.jpg 512w" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" />SpaceX Says Two People Already Paid Up for Future Moon Mission: SpaceX CEO Elon Musk just revealed that two people have paid for a private mission around the moon in the company’s as yet untested Falcon Heavy rocket. A spokesperson for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is denying that its them who’s paying for Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty to make the trip.

Oscars Post Wrong Pic in Memorial Tribute: During the “In Memoriam” tribute to industry artists who passed away during the past year, the death of an Australian costume designer Janet Patterson was noted, but the picture posted onscreen was really that of a very much alive Australian film producer Jan Chapman. An Oscar telecast spokesperson explained the mistake by pointing out that while producer Jan Chapman didn’t actually pass away in 2016, she did pass a lot of gas during the year.

Chicken at Subway Contains Only 50% Chicken DNA: Researchers say new tests show the chicken meat served at Subway restaurants contain only about 50 percent chicken DNA, with scientists reporting they are not yet certain what the other contents may be – possibly tofu. Well, they do say chickens are descended from the dinosaurs, so my guess is its tyrannosaurs. Meanwhile, a spokesperson for evangelist Franklin Graham claims its all a conspiracy to replace chicken with tofu in a sinister attempt to turn all of America gay!

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http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/John-Kelly.jpg 484w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />John Kelly Chides Immigrants Too Lazy to Sign Up for Daca: In defending President Trump’s new immigration proposal, chief of staff John Kelly implied that many Dreamers may have been just “too lazy to get off their asses” to go and sign up for the protection. In defending Kelly’s statement, Congressional Republicans are quick to point out that anyone who’s observed President Trump’s work ethic as closely as John Kelly has, ought to have a pretty good grasp of what “too lazy to get off their ass” really looks like.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Falcon-Heavy-Rock... 768w, http://www.johnnyrobish.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Falcon-Heavy-Rock... 960w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Elon Musk’s Powerful Rocket Launches Tesla Roadster Towards Mars: Elon Musk and SpaceX have successfully used the world’s most powerful “Falcon Heavy” rocket to launch a $100,000 cherry red Tesla Roadster towards Mars. Guess they may as well send that beautiful Tesla off towards Mars. Hell, not very many of us can afford them here.

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Westminster Dog Show to Include Cats This Year: The New York Times is reporting that cats will be joining the prestigious Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show this year for the first time in its 140-year history. Personally, I would’ve gone with ponies instead of cats – that way, it could’ve been a “dog and pony show.” But gee, there’s just so much love in the world. Makes you wonder why the Patriots and Falcons don’t allow the Red Sox to join them in the Super Bowl? I mean, why limit the thing to two football teams?

Stroke Victim Loses Ability to Feel Sadness: A 68-year-old British man who suffered a stroke in the emotion-controlling frontal lobe of his brain in 2004, discovered he that he had completely lost the ability to feel sadness or depression of any kind. Gee, I’ll bet this guy must be an absolute riot at funerals.

Humans Evolved From Tiny Sea Creature With No Anus: In a study published in Nature, scientists say the earliest known ancestor of humans was a sea creature a millimeter in size that most likely lacked an anus. No doubt even Darwin would be impressed to think we’ve come all the way from a sea creature with no anus – to Kim Kardashian.

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