Interests: Arden Leigh is today’s freshest voice on women’s dating and relationship strategies. Bringing together her experience in neuro-linguistic programming, brand marketing, social dynamics, pick-up artistry, and the fetish industry, she coaches women on developing a proactive approach to achieving their romantic goals. She is the founder of the Sirens Seduction Forum and the author of “The New Rules of Attraction: How To Get Him, Keep Him, and Make Him Beg For More” (Sourcebooks 2011). She writes a regular advice column for Auxiliary Magazine and maintains a seduction blog called A Weapon Of Mass Seduction. When she isn’t writing or coaching, she enjoys being part of the New York nightlife scene as a personality and performer, and her band Arden and the Wolves released its first EP, “Break Me In,” at the end of 2012. She has been publicly labeled a predator and she took it as a compliment.
You can email her at ardensirens@gmail.com.

I need to talk about fantasy again. I've gone to San Francisco this week to clear my head and spend time with some smart and creative friends who have welcomed me into their home. And in some of our many inspiring discussions, the topic has come up about the ability to create your own worlds bas...

Sarah,
That may be all well and good but I'm tired of being everyone's healing plot device manic pixie dream geisha sacred delphic oracle priestess-whore. I'm tired of my relationships ending with my men being healed and myself feeling damaged. Enough. I have fucking interiority. If you wanna learn from me without some sort of loyalty and co-regulation and responsibility to the relationship, you can hire me as a coach.

"Moments of clarity are so rare, I'd better document this. At last the view is fierce..." - Bjork, Stonemilker, Vulnicura. Almost a year ago I wrote a post called Male Sexuality and How Shame Hurts Everyone, and it is one of my favorite things I've ever written. But today I want to talk about th...

Gabrielle - Not self-pitying at all. Thank you, and congrats, and good luck. I think entangling intimacy with notions of tradition is one of the biggest dysfuctions of our society. Remember that you always get to enjoy intimacy on your terms.

Hi guys. I started writing this during the fallout after the UCSB shooting and the #yesallwomen hashtag. I had a really rough go of it during that time -- which I'll touch on later -- in that the world in which we live started to feel deeply unsafe. It still does, but the feeling is more like ba...

My point is that both men and women owe it to their partners to playfully indulge their fantasies a bit, while still staying true to themselves as complex humans. My point furthermore is that women are doing this a lot already and men need to step it up.

Two nights ago I went to see Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. It's a typical tweeny fantasy movie about demon-hunters filled with attractive young actors in leather jackets and a rather unremarkable plotline, and yet I walked away feeling like it was part of an important cultural movement that...

Joann - I agree with you entirely, but back in my Don Draper's day, marriage was just what you did, without question.
I also agree that (traditional) marriage and monogamy are not my circuses per se, but I am interested in sustaining longterm relationships that perhaps become more viable precisely because they do not carry the expectations and burdens of tradition. I want all the best of all possible worlds.
And yeah, The Rules suck for endless reasons.

Dancing at B & Co. We are obvious versions of ourselves. On Halloween afternoon I found myself at a bar with my mentor Reid Mihalko. I was recounting to him a conversation I'd had with a lover who was recently and unexpectedly back in my life after some time apart. Almost exactly a year ago I ...

Two nights ago I went to see Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. It's a typical tweeny fantasy movie about demon-hunters filled with attractive young actors in leather jackets and a rather unremarkable plotline, and yet I walked away feeling like it was part of an important cultural movement that...

Nope, theres where youre wrong. The GPDB is absolutely a caretaker. He inspires her, supports her growth, helps her onto his motorcycle. The nice guy best friend thinks he deserves her love just by standing next to her and pretending to listen to her. The whole point of what I wrote about the GPDB is that he is a fantasy BECAUSE he takes care of her before theres even any intimacy or investment on her part.
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Two nights ago I went to see Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. It's a typical tweeny fantasy movie about demon-hunters filled with attractive young actors in leather jackets and a rather unremarkable plotline, and yet I walked away feeling like it was part of an important cultural movement that...

Nope, there's where you're wrong. The GPDB is absolutely a caretaker. He inspires her, supports her growth, helps her onto his motorcycle. The nice guy best friend thinks he deserves her love just by standing next to her and pretending to listen to her. The whole point of what I wrote about the GPDB is that he is a fantasy BECAUSE he takes care of her before there's even any intimacy or investment on her part.

Two nights ago I went to see Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. It's a typical tweeny fantasy movie about demon-hunters filled with attractive young actors in leather jackets and a rather unremarkable plotline, and yet I walked away feeling like it was part of an important cultural movement that...

Last week I wrote a post on misogyny, and in particular how certain factions of men insist on perpetuating slut-shame, the idea of judging women as lesser for their sexual desires or actions. This week I want to focus on the shame that men face for their sexualities, and how we, as their partner...

Hello everyone. The New York Magazine article featuring this teleconference panel has been published, so I can now put this post back up. I wrote this post from memory of our (two-and-a-half hour) conversation, but as you'll see from the article, my memory was pretty true to spirit. Thanks again...

nld - Honestly your comment gives me pause. I appreciate the well wishes and nice words but as for this post being "personally healing" and "filling in missing pieces" for you, to me that feels like a boundary being violated. The only reason I am able to maintain a public blog such as this is precisely because I am no longer a pro-domme. What I provided my clients during those days was a professional relationship based in fantasy -- one that in the best cases, such as yours, was genuinely caring, heartfelt, and enjoyable, but nonetheless professional and therefore necessarily one-sided. It would be no less appropriate to seek out the personal details of your doctor or therapist. The idea that you were ever entitled to my personal history to "illuminate" things for you is an offensive one. When details about my personal life were revealed against my will during my domme career, that was a violation, and one I did not suffer gladly. You and I had what I felt to be a good working relationship, one that was always dictated by the needs and boundaries YOU set, and the idea that you needed to know more about me personally to "heal" from the aftermath, especially considering that everything we did (including ending the relationship) was not only consensual but by YOUR request, is sickening. I don't want you sharing my posts with the same people from the fetish community who outed me and strung me up so that I was forced out of the scene and into hiding, so that you can all sit around and psychoanalyze me. My true friends stayed loyal to me and didn't blame me for their own choices, and I can't say the same for you during that time. If you see anything in my actions that required a personal history steeped in mental illness in order to be justifiable, I'd urge you to start taking responsibility for your own actions in continuing to session with me. Sincerely I say to you: go fuck yourself.

Earlier today I logged onto Twitter and stumbled upon the manic episode-driven rant of Hugo Schwyzer, the controversial self-proclaimed male feminist and gender studies professor at Pasadena City College. A week ago he quit the internet, citing hurtful comments from his detractors as the cause, ...

For the record though, I also want a partner whom I can trust to have my back at all costs, whose back I have in return, who knows me inside out and whom I know inside out as well, like that ridiculously deep kind of intimacy where there are moments that you're so close you feel like you're in a hivemind for two. (Nerdiest description of intimacy ever.) That's honestly my deepest priority -- hence "primary-oriented," meaning I want a primary partner. I just know that the minute people lay down rules (e.g., don't fuck anyone but me!) that there's a natural bucking against that, definitely for myself but also for others as well in my experience.
In my last primary-oriented non-monogamous relationship, which lasted roughly a year, I had sex with two other men. And for the most part it was to satisfy a lustful curiosity, and then it was back to my primary, with whom I had way better sex anyway. So it's not like I'm out to be super-promiscuous - though I wouldn't judge anyone who was, either, and nor do I think that number of external partners need have an effect on degree of intimacy... I'm just clarifying my own preferences for any who may be curious.
I would consider monogamy for the right partner if it were really important to him, although I would probably warn him that I'd give it my best shot but that if it ended up not working for me then we'd sit down and have a talk about either adjusting parameters or parting ways if necessary. But like, that could go for any aspect of anyone's relationship, like what city a couple chooses to live in or whether they want kids, or who's the breadwinner, or whatever. People's needs change all the time. The more comfortable we get with the constant of change, the more adaptable we learn to become, the better off all our relationships are.
That said, I'd feel weird being with a guy who wasn't even comfortable letting me make out with girls or having threesomes with me and my girlfriends. Who doesn't want a threesome with two girls! ;) So someone who's not at least a little bit flexible, open, and creative with their sexuality is probably not the right partner for me.
Which is part of the reason I have naked photos on the internet. If you google me and you're scared off by that, then you're probably doing me a favor by not wasting my time.

Hello everyone. The New York Magazine article featuring this teleconference panel has been published, so I can now put this post back up. I wrote this post from memory of our (two-and-a-half hour) conversation, but as you'll see from the article, my memory was pretty true to spirit. Thanks again...

Last week, an essay I wrote for XoJane.com on how I became a female pick-up artist became the subject of much controversy and rampant disgust. I had rather anticipated this to a certain extent, as I was essentially endorsing arguably the century's most so-called misogynist community in front of ...

Last week, an essay I wrote for XoJane.com on how I became a female pick-up artist became the subject of much controversy and rampant disgust. I had rather anticipated this to a certain extent, as I was essentially endorsing arguably the century's most so-called misogynist community in front of ...

Last week, an essay I wrote for XoJane.com on how I became a female pick-up artist became the subject of much controversy and rampant disgust. I had rather anticipated this to a certain extent, as I was essentially endorsing arguably the century's most so-called misogynist community in front of ...

Let me begin this blog entry by saying that I am extremely bad at the issue I am about to describe to you. It makes me deeply squicked and panicky just thinking about it. Hence, my reason for writing this post is that I'm hoping that by rationally, methodically dictating why the following move i...

Let me begin this blog entry by saying that I am extremely bad at the issue I am about to describe to you. It makes me deeply squicked and panicky just thinking about it. Hence, my reason for writing this post is that I'm hoping that by rationally, methodically dictating why the following move i...

Let me begin this blog entry by saying that I am extremely bad at the issue I am about to describe to you. It makes me deeply squicked and panicky just thinking about it. Hence, my reason for writing this post is that I'm hoping that by rationally, methodically dictating why the following move i...

"Hearts are broken more easily than cycles." - Jamal St. John Every once in a blue moon, I take some flak for being a seduction coach and yet being single. I've heard everything from outright condemnations such as, "If you're so good at relationships, why aren't you in one?" to subtler, probably...

Thanks for the nice words! Yes, oxytocin happens in males too, but not nearly as much as in females, so Im told. Oxytocin and vasopressin are sort of the yin and yang balance of estrogen and testosterone according to what Ive read. Definitely looking forward to our next chats. :)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Let's focus for a moment today on the trap, the falsehood, the illusion that is chemistry. How many times have you consoled a friend after (or even before) an inevitable breakup with some callous loser where she has cried into your shoulder declarations of "But I don't think I'll ever feel this ...

Well, its worse advice to jump into monogamy too soon, in my opinion. And my blog is not written specifically for polyamorous people, so your audience might be a bit different. Good communication should solve most if not all of the issues you mention however. And yes, I agree that a mono person should not try to convert a poly person, and also agree that in most circumstances (unless its say, a cuckolding relationship), both partners should be entitled to multiple partners so there is a balance on each side.

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now -- and by "a while," I mean over a year. In pondering why it took me so long to start it, I realized that the main trouble with this topic is that it's not really an advice entry like the majority of my blog. Rather than recommending that you,...

Him: Ohh but hell isn't that fucking complicated... there's too many layers to question everything. Happiness and comfort go to war. Me: "Happiness and Comfort Go To War." I'm going to make that into a children's book. Start 'em early on the sad facts of life. ---- If there is any weakness in my...

Yep, Im simply compelled. Too much dopamine, too little phenylethylamine, whatever. When Im attracted to someone, I have to find out for myself firsthand. So I end up touching a few hot stoves. Oh well. Maybe one day Ill get tired of that and reconsider. Or maybe I just see the best in people instead of seeing what they lack. Either way, I have no present desire to talk myself out of someone Im attracted to. I enjoy crushes too much.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Him: Ohh but hell isn't that fucking complicated... there's too many layers to question everything. Happiness and comfort go to war. Me: "Happiness and Comfort Go To War." I'm going to make that into a children's book. Start 'em early on the sad facts of life. ---- If there is any weakness in my...

Well, yeah, I absolutely agree with that. In the case I described, I offered to meet with the guy should he need any closure or have any questions, but he declined my offer, likely out of pride. (Im pretty sure he also knew exactly what he did that turned me off; wed had prior discussions about his drunken argumentative behavior not being okay.) Ive been on the other end of that scenario too, and it sucks. I had a guy once wait a YEAR to tell me that the reason he magically disappeared on me was because he was afraid I was going to go back to my ex (which I was not, and which I did not even after he left me). I was like, Uh, we could have addressed that problem with a very simple discussion had you alerted me to your concerns. So yeah, I absolutely agree with you. Everyone deserves an explanation.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I have a few related things to rant about today, so I'm going to tie them all together into one blog entry. 1. A longtime dating advice columnist recently joined Twitter. I started following her and about 60 percent of the time I immensely enjoy what she writes. The trouble is that her smart and...

I have a few related things to rant about today, so I'm going to tie them all together into one blog entry. 1. A longtime dating advice columnist recently joined Twitter. I started following her and about 60 percent of the time I immensely enjoy what she writes. The trouble is that her smart and...