November 20, 2011

Is Your Child ALWAYS Seeking Your Attention?

Children want and need attention and they will do anything to get it.
Quite often they’re most in need of attention when you’re in the middle
of something important.

Dr. Garry Landreth is known for his writing and work in promoting play
therapy. He suggests that when a child needs your attention you stop
what you're doing and give him a "Thirty Second Burst of Attention."

Let’s say you’re on the phone with your friend Brenda and your son
approached you saying “Mom, Mom, Mom!” He’s tugging on your pants leg
and jumping up and down. Your usual reaction is probably shaking your
head at him while mouthing the words, “Not now! I’m busy! Go play!”

What
if instead you said, "Excuse me for thirty seconds, Brenda.” You put
down the phone, got down on your son's level and said, "I have thirty
seconds to listen. What do you need to tell me?" As he shares with you
his enthusiasm over the dead bug he found, nod your head to communicate
that you’re listening and that you care about what he is saying. At the
end of thirty seconds you say, "John, thanks for sharing that
with me. Now I'm going to finish my conversation with Brenda."

Your child’s need for attention would have been satisfied in thirty
seconds. Thirty seconds! That’s not too much of a hardship on your time
is it?

When I suggest this technique to parents they usually ask me, “Do you give only one thirty second burst? What if they keep bugging you?”
Gently tell them you need to finish what you were doing. Remind them
that you listened to them, and when you are finished with your current
task, you can spend time with them again. As a general rule of thumb,
when you give a child undivided attention, even as little as thirty
seconds, it will meet their immediate need for attention.

Have you tried giving your child a thirty second burst of attention? Did it work? I'd enjoy hearing your comments.

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“Do your children frustrate
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