Worst app of the week: ‘Toilet Time Pro’ solves your number two problem

Every app creator dreams that his creation will be the next big thing – that it’ll take some daily task and simplify it to a point where everyone that uses it swears they can’t remember how they did it before. Toilet Time Pro – PRO! – is definitely the number one app in its category. And, technically, it’s number two, as well.

Since the invention of the smartphone, playing on your device has become a national pastime. We’re all guilty of it. Any time a dull moment drapes over our lives or an event occurs that we’d like to fast forward through, our first response is to pull out our phone and diddle for awhile; Flip through a couple news stories, browse the social media feeds, launch a couple of upset avians at poorly constructed buildings. The usual stuff.

None of us are beyond doing these things at even the most private of times. It has been statistically proven that smartphone and tablet owners spend approximately 3.4 times longer in the bathroom than flip phone owners. We’re all guilty of it, but we don’t have to succumb to the temptation. Toilet Time Pro is here to keep us regular.

Toilet Time Pro is “the first and only toilet time controller in the app store.”

“Are you always complaining someone spending too much time on toilet and playing iPhone or iPod Touch?” the app description asks. That wouldn’t happen if you had Toilet Time Pro. It will have you in and out of the bathroom in no time.

Here’s the idea: Every time you enter the restroom, simply pull out your phone – yes, you have to engage in the evil practice to overcome it – and go directly to Toilet Time Pro. Tap to begin your timer. Leave the app alone while you do your normal perusing of your other favorite apps, but be ready because you’re about to get toilet timed. A notification will interrupt your other events and an alarm will go off in intervals that you can determine to let you know that you’ve been on the toilet for a little too long. Not just any alarm, either, because Toilet Time Pro features “up to 10 fun alarm sound you can choose.” Yes, the app keeps you on a strict bathroom usage regime, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be fun! Can you think of anything more fun that random alarm sounds echoing against the cold, linoleum floors of the rest room? We can’t.

The alarms aren’t just for your current bathroom break, though. No, Toilet Time Pro is a lifestyle changer. this app is about the long term and it proves it by offering up a chronicling of your most recent restroom stays. “15 recent toilet histories can show how many minutes you have spent on each toilet,” the app description explains in crystal clear broken English. Look back at your toilet usage habits so you can see your progression from a lollygagging leaker who takes his or her sweet time on the toilet to a expert excreter who makes trips to the toilet faster than Superman on crack.

Toilet Time Pro is available in both the iTunes App Store and the Windows Phone Store, and the reviews really speak to the usefulness of this app. “Cool, now I can really control and track my toilet time,” remarks Windows Phone user “Player863916948.” Jayro 1st, an iPhone owner, was impressed but offered an improvement idea in his comment. “Interesting. Next update should include a camera function so users could keep a picture of what they did. That would make the history file much more interesting.” Jayro misses the point, though. This isn’t about tracking the results of your toilet usage, this about using the toilet effectively and efficiently. You’ll have to do your excrement scrap booking elsewhere, Jayro.

But if those comments aren’t enough to sell you on Toilet Time Pro, then perhaps the app description’s explanation as to why you need this app will resonate: “This is a very good tool to control (visualize and regulate) your toilet time and reduce the risk of getting hemorrhoid. So this is a must have tool.” Must have indeed, because what’s $1 in exchange for a lifetime free from hemorrhoid?