DID YOU READ

How To Be South By South Best

So you’re going to Stratlandia. But have you thought about your game plan for how you’re going to crush it when you get there? In the video and checklist below, you will find a definitive guide to dominating your time in Austin at SXSW Interactive. Find out everything you need to know about being the coolest, hippest, indiest, networkiest and successiest person at the whole festival.

The 9 Things You Need To Be South By South Best

9. Business Cards are so 1.0. Identify the latest digitools for bump-blasting your contact out to other people’s smartphones and tablet devices.

8. Get active in some extreme activities during the day. The coolest thing to do during Interactive is not go to any actual Interactive events, and instead tell everyone you’re too busy keg-skydiving, wasted mountain biking, and whiskey-kayaking to actually bother showing up at panels. The most popular and important activity is, of course, extreme bandwagon-jumping, whereby you determine what THE hot new Web 3.0 tech to emerge from the festival will be, then start going crazy on it so your friends back at home will all see that you were FIRST.

7. Discover the secret BBQ spots. Stubbs and The Salt Lick are for amateurs. You have go “off the grid” to find the most authentic, underground spots in all of Texas so you can top every story about who had the best BBQ.

6. Get your gadgets together and ready to go. Fill a backpack full of batteries. A major part of the SXSW Interactive experience is wandering around, staring listlessly into various screens, so you CANNOT risk being without your devices for even a moment.

5. Get the inside scoop on the right parties and digital lounges. Make fake VIP passes if you have to. You wouldn’t want to be caught dead hanging out a lame lounge, so figure out where the other influencers are hanging out, and go there, demanding to be let inside (tell them how many followers you have if necessary). Remember: if you pay for food or booze any point during your time at SXSW, you are worthless and you have failed.

4. You’re not there to make friends. Only talk to/interact with people who have more followers and/or VC capital than you do. Don’t waste big networking ops with friendly normal conversation – you need to be hustling and selling THE WHOLE TIME.

3. Do not sleep or eat properly. Rely only on alcohol, energy drink 2.0’s, caffeine and other chemical substances to keep you awake and quasi-functioning throughout the festival. Drink and defile your body as much as possible, the whole time.

2. Dress “Cool Casual”. Make sure you bring only your most ironic T-shirts and branded swag. All ironic everything.

1. Stay plugged into my complete Stratlandia coverage hub at IFC.com/SXSW. I’ll be strat-chatting with all the innovators, thought-leaders, game-changers and next-lev social media gurus in the field and at the IFC Crossroads house, helping you to stay South By South Best whether you’re actually going to the festival or not.

(video Directed by Andy Schlechtenhaufen)

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The Best Of The Last

The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.