Utterly mundane ramblings from a nobody with nothing important to say.

Entries tagged with captain melvin

Tried to fill up a hot water bottle about half an hour ago - as I filled it, it slipped so I grabbed it. A geyser of boiling water sprayed over my stomach. As I spasmed in response to that, I hunched over, squeezed the bottle again and got a spray of equally hot water up the left side of my face. Fortunately, I managed to close my eye in time. Ran into the bathroom and stood under the cool shower for about 10 minutes. So I am now sitting here with a cold pack on my face and on my stomach. I'll put up with the sore back (which is what I was running the hot water bottle for) for a little while longer!

Just before I left for work this morning, I remembered that I hadn't watered the plants out the front. I went around to the outside tap to fill a bucket to water them. As I turned the tap on, it broke apart in my hand and water started spraying everywhere. I tried to get the tap back together but couldn't (and got soaked in the process). I knocked on the door and eventually got someone to turn the water off at the mains. As I stood, there was an agonizing pain in my back that just about floored me.

Long story short, I had popped a rib in my back and, one painful adjustment later, I could at least stand up right! I have spent the rest of the day resting and not touching taps unless necessary!

I was trying to open a plastic packet tonight and couldn't find any scissors to cut it open. While I was at the shops, I bought some scissors - now I can't open the plastic packet that the scissors came in, let alone the original one .....

I mean that literally - as I was walking towards the microwave at work today, I tripped over a clearly suspicious and slippery patch of thin air and dumped my entire chicken casserole/rice/vegetable lunch all over the floor. Fortunately it was lino on the floor so it only took about ten minutes to clear up. I was hungry for the rest of the day though!

In trying to watch my The Tick DVD box set today, I discovered that I can flip between disc formats so I can watch both PAL and NTSC-formatted discs on my new DVR. Only took me a year to work that one out!

On Tuesdays, I have a chronic memory failure about what I am supposed to do on the way home from work so, as a joke, a co-worker stuck a Post-it to the front of my beanie that said "Get fuel, pick up books". I wore it for a while and then the joke wore off so I took it off. "Somehow" the note got reattached but I didn't notice.

It was only as I was entering the servo to pay for my fuel and I got a very strange look (and giggles and pointing!) from some customers coming out of the store that I realised that the note was still attached to my hat - I have driven all the way down to the servo, filled up my car and then walked across the really quite large forecourt with the damn thing stuck to my head!

Yes, yes, you hang the towels over it - that bit I get but what I couldn't figure out was why the rack was getting looser and looser every day. Finally the rack fell of the wall today and I finally figured it out.

My father-in-law put the rack last year during our great renovation spree so I never knew, beyond the generalities, how this particular rack went up. Now that I could see it in pieces I realised that there was a tiny recessed screw on the underside of the rack that tightened into the wall bracket and this had come loose. It took about tens seconds to fix once I knew that but the obscurity of the design amazed me - the screw was tiny, recessed and on the underside of the bracket so it was near-impossible to see!

I was trying to reseal a pile of envelopes with sellotape at work today. About half-way through the job, I looked down and wondered who had made such a mess of all the envelopes - and then realised it was me. I must have cut my finger on the tape dispenser blade very early on in the job (about the second or third envelope) and every envelope after that had at least one drop of blood somewhere on it. The funny thing was that the cut itself was tiny but it bled all over the place, even over the table as I later discovered. I ended up throwing out about twenty envelopes that couldn't be salvaged and having to print them all over again, once I got a plaster for my finger.

I spent almost the entire stinking hot day (37C) demolishing the pergola and then at about 6pm we went down to the beach. So far today, I have wielded saws, screwdrivers, hammers, shovels and stood on the roof with nary a scratch. Now I unpack the car, pick up the serviettes and bits and pieces and then lift them high to get the kids' boogie board under my arm. My ear kind of stings but I keep walking down towards the beach.

When I get, my partner says "What the hell happened to you?" I am none the wiser until I look down at my shirt and realise that the front has a bit of blood on it. I drop everything to figure out where it came from. It turns that there was a large knife in the bits and pieces I hefted onto my shoulder and the blade knicked the top of my ear. Blood has trickled down the back of my ear, down my neck and then onto my shirt. Of course, the cut is all of about 1/4 inch long but the results are way out of proportion to the cut's size!

I was eating a packet of salt and vinegar chips this afternoon and got down the chaff at the bottom of the packet. I tipped the packet up to get all those last tasty morsels. Unfortunately, there was a bump (suspiciously shaped just like a launching ramp) about halfway down the bag. Consequently, rather than slide conveniently down my gullet, the chaff spayed over my face. Now my eyes were closed exactly for this eventuality (hey, I'm not entirely stupid, you know!)but what I didn't anticipate was just how many bits were going to go up my nose.

There followed a salt and vinegar inspired sneezing/coughing/spluttering fit for about twenty minutes. The worst of it passed then but the sneezing continued intermittently for about another hour or so. I can still smell salt and vinegar, even as I write, some 9 hours later!

I zipped over to Bunnings today to grab two MDF sheets for some terrain building tomorrow. The weather was horrible - heavy rain and strong gusty winds. As I came back out the store carrying the sheets (and some other stuff), I struggled with the sheets in the wind but I readjusted the load and was OK - until I walked around the corner. A really strong gust flipped the boards around, straight under my feet and I tripped over, dropping everything I was carrying.

I was fine, just embarrassed, but was impressed by the number of people who came over to help, particularly by Evelyn who carried the boards the rest of the way to the car for me. Cheers Evelyn, your generous help was much appreciated, especially considering that it was raining all this time!

Out in the garden today, pruning away, getting ready for ..... um, what the hell do we prune for? Any way, back to the point. So, massive piles of prunings all across the garden. Easiest way for me to pick them up (I have very short arms, prompting a very prim and proper tailor fitting me for a suit many years ago to exclaim "Fuck, you have short arms ..... sir!") is for me to plunge my arms into the pile, pull the bundle against my chest and then stand up.

It's a good way to move large bundles of prunings - except when the bundle contains rose bush clippings!

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

If I ever wanted pierced nipples, now's the time because I could get a discount, having done half the work myself!