The World Health Organisation today recommended everyone convert to Judaism or Islam if they want to live past the age of 50. The controversial statement was delivered at 10:33 AM on the steps of the WHO headquarters in Bognor Regis. Our source inside the WHO said the timing was so that McDonalds could still get one extra day of breakfast revenue.

When pressed for a comment by our press officer a representative from the WHO said "Are you calling for a booking? What? No you've got the wrong WHO mate, we're a fucking band."

Image Credit: betches.com

The Britain First leader, Barrington Wye-T'Pawer, reacted predictably "Do I look like a bloody foreigner? Do I? There are too many of them over here, taking our jobs and women, they're already all doctors, that's why they are telling us we need to get down to the mosque! I'm not having it! The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Sanjay and Rashid! I wouldn't mind the missus wearing a burkha though, face for radio I tell ya!"

When we finally got in touch the WHO commented "That's not what we said at all. We said that red meats, such as bacon and ham, are a probable bowel cancer risk. We never mentioned religion at all. Are you fucking stupid?"