Fast Five

First of all, let’s take a moment to pause and reflect on the miracle of the THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS series. It started in 2000, a studio b-movie, a dumb subculture exploiter with hot up-and-coming stars, quite good for a Rob Cohen movie and with a star-making performance by Mr. Vin Diesel, but undeniably corny. I don’t think anybody could predict that 11 years later it would be Universal’s most valued franchise/trademark/anti-intellectualproperty or that a part 5 would be bigger and better than the previous ones. Especially when you consider that Diesel ditched out on part 2 and Paul Walker bailed before part 3 and that even the naming of the movies poses a challenge. You don’t see I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER still coming out with new chapters but they keep doing FASTs and FURIOUSes even after running out of sensible combinations of those words.
When they moved it to Tokyo with Lucas Black and Bow Wow you know they were thinking “well, let’s squeeze the last couple drops out of this one before we call it quits.” Now it’s two movies later with that same director and the stars of all four previous movies are reunited to face their first worthy adversary.

What I love about this series is that they each have kind of a different spin on the material and a different charm to them. I like part 1 for Diesel’s dedication to his ridiculous character, part 2 for its utter silliness and video game plotting, part 3 for its unorthodox leading man and loving tribute to the imagery of urban Japan, part 4 for its hybrid of all the previous entries, its reunion of original characters (including a much tougher version of Paul Walker’s Brian O’Conner) and slick visual execution of preposterous concepts like the high-speed gas truck robbery and Diesel-as-Dom’s car-whispering crime scene investigation where he reads skidmarks like a TV psychic reads visions of serial killers.

Now part 5 takes a similar approach but with more returning characters, more action and at least by the looks of it alot less computers. I think this might be the first one not to use the FURIOUS trademark of a CGI camera move through a car engine. Instead the emphasis is on real cars crashing, flipping, falling, exploding, being scraped and smashed and riddled with bullet holes. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a new movie with this many cars rolling or being crushed (I just now read that they destroyed close to 200 cars filming the big climax.) And it’s nice to see so many real-looking stunts of people leaping off structures or hanging off of vehicles. No obvious green screens or show-offy virtual cameras.

But the masterstroke of this one is pretty obvious, it’s casting the motherfuckin Rock Dwayne Johnson as the antagonist (anti-anti-hero?) Luke Hobbs, leader of the paramilitary D.S.S. team chasing our fugitive heroes through the streets of Rio de Janeiro. And luckily it’s not just a gimmick to get the name on the marquee. He gets plenty to do in the movie (both action-wise and tough-talking-wise) and I’m sure we all hope he’ll continue to be a main character in however many more movies they make.

This is not the charming, vulnerable version of The Rock that I always talk up, but it is the first movie to make full use of his old wrestling persona, the blustery, self-promoting superman. He’s a dominating team leader, barking out commands but also personally filling the air with clouds of bullets, punching with fists like sledge hammers and denting the hood of Dom’s favorite car using Dom’s head. (Dom has had to deal with bad things happening to many people close to him, but it might require a whole trilogy for him to avenge what happens to his Dodge Charger.)

Diesel looks more ridiculously burly than ever, but then is dwarfed by The Rock. It’s so unlikely and so perfect that they actually got a man for the role who can match or best Diesel in each of the following categories: star power, screen presence, macho swagger, muscle, baldness. It’s great to see them standing face to face, trying to melt each other’s skulls with the power of hateful staring. It’s like a boxing event poster or one of those historic plot twists in wrestling where Hulk Hogan or Andre the Giant or somebody reveals that they’re betraying their long time ally and they stare each other down.

I could be wrong but I think The Rock being in this movie is part of an Expendables Effect. Regardless of the quality of Stallone’s movie, his assembly of a macho action superteam was a dream come true for many movie fans that opened some eyes in Hollywood about casting. I think that paved the way for producers to look for those type of unexpected teamups and facedowns and for the actors to realize that it’s not all about hogging the spotlight, that their star power can be increased in one of these all star lineups. I know there are low budget producers trying to dig up all the ’80s and ’90s icons and sub-icons they can and of course there was Trejo, Seagal, DeNiro, Don Johnson and everybody in MACHETE. And now there’s characters from all four previous FURIOUSes getting chased by The Rock.

I got a half-formed theory that manliness is starting to come back into fashion, too. After a decade-plus of cultural overreach by comic book nerds and skinny kids in tight jeans and eyeliner there’s starting to be some nostalgia for the masculine arts of the ’70s and ’80s. Even the nerds and the tightpantsers want to see dirt on the lens and heroes with scars and deep voices and they want to see actual objects getting destroyed sometimes, not just clean computery flash. Even this series is getting manlier, it’s almost entirely classic American muscle cars or military vehicles, none of the glowy fluorescent pink and green shit that was so big at the beginning.

I know of at least two web-based movie critics who’ve turned their nose up to this series for ten years and finally watched them last week and admitted that at least this latest one is pretty good. Some of the reviews I’ve seen are kind of a condescending “Okay, I guess I see why you people like these things” type of attitude, but at least they’re coming around.

I thought alot about THE EXPENDABLES during FAST FIVE because I think this is a movie with a comparable level of testosterone, better execution. It does a good job of having all its macho dudes lined up in one shot, giving them each a specialty, having them work together on different missions, bond and fight and man-hug and all that. There’s no emotion as strong as Mickey Rourke’s tearful monologue, but there are heavy themes of brotherhood, opponents-who-respect-each-other, codes of honor, all the shit I love, the stuff that’s so strong it makes people uncomfortable so they gotta accuse it of being gay.

There’s a more captivating story and characterization than EXPENDABLES, more of a build to a spectacular action climax where you get the thrills and also care about what happens to everybody afterwards. It feels very satisfying.

The one area where it shares the same weaknesses is the fight between Diesel and The Rock. (Yes, they have a fight. I’m not gonna call that a spoiler because if they didn’t fight that would spoil the movie.) It’s a pretty cool scene because there are some good moves and it’s real vicious (although Diesel must be made of rubber considering the lack of visible damage from a fight that should’ve crippled him) but as is standard practice now it’s shot closeup and wobbly and not very clearly edited. But most of the other action scenes are shot better than that.

Man, in this movie, with these characters, if this had been a carefully staged showstopper of a fight sequence it would’ve been the scene of the summer, could’ve even started a new trend of theatrically released movies with good fight scenes in them. You know how after THE MATRIX everybody copied bullet time for a while, it would’ve been like that. “You know what this movie needs? A really great fight scene where you can clearly see what happens, like in FAST FIVE! That’s the newest thing, kids love it!”

The Rock is the best new addition to the series, but the returning vets are a big part of the attraction too. For those of us who’ve enjoyed watching and/or laughing at these movies over the last decade it’s truly enjoyable to see our old chums back together again, in new combinations like Dom finally meeting Tyrese’s character Roman (since he was introduced in part 2 as Brian’s childhood best friend) and even the return of Matt Schulze’s character Vince, who we haven’t seen since part 1 and who’s much tougher and more charismatic now than he was then.

In fact, all of these actors have kind of grown into their roles. I think they’re all better now than when they started. I thought Jordana Brewster was a bland, forgettable main-girl in the first one. Now she’s stunning, she’s jumping off roofs, she’s speeding after her brother’s prison bus barely suppressing a wicked grin. She’s won me over. Not that that was a goal of hers or anything, I’m just saying. Look, it’s a compliment, let’s not make a big thing out of it.

Unfortunately Paul Walker doesn’t call people “bro” very much in this one, if at all. That’s gonna disappoint alot of people. Also I could be wrong, but I don’t think the movie used this great RIGHT STUFF type shot from the trailer, which I assume takes place after a deleted White Shirts Only Beach Party scene:

If the shot really wasn’t used I blame this guy behind Tyrese:

Thanks alot, pal. And that guy to your left, too. You guys’re fuckin it up for everybody.

Rio’s a good location for this too. You have the poverty of the favelas contrasted with the spectacle of the cities and the beaches (alot of it actually filmed in Puerto Rico I guess, but at least it’s not Vancouver). Obviously this doesn’t have the weight or authenticity of a CITY OF GOD or ELITE SQUAD, but it uses the crime lords, corrupt police force and economic divide as an important elements of the plot. The villain played by Joaquim de Almeida even has a monologue about the history of Spanish and Portuguese colonialism in Brazil. And I like how it’s not a fish-out-of-water deal, they just adapt to Brazilian life like Lucas Black did to Tokyo. Brian and Mia don’t have a problem staying with Vince and his wife and baby in their tiny shanty. This cross-cultural business is a theme in all the Justin Lin directed sequels as the cast of many races and cultural backgrounds moves through the Dominican Republic and the favelas and instead of treating it like an exotic vacation it’s just a new place to live (and maybe find some good people to race against).

I made fun of some websights for repeating a story that Deadline ran about Universal’s plan to “switch genres” in part 6 and turn it into a heist movie. It sounded to me like some of these reporters had never seen or heard about this very popular movie series, since from the beginning it’s been about a gang of armed robbers who are into street racing. After seeing this I guess I have a better idea what they were getting at because the one actual street race that takes place in the movie is offscreen. You don’t even see the trademark starting line sexy girls. There are some good butt shots, though. Also it’s true that one of the robberies in this is done with a little bit more of an OCEAN’S 11 touch than in previous installments. They’re all street racers doing it but they do some training, disguises and trickery and what not along with the crazy car stunts.

There’s another movie that would’ve been funny for it to lift from. As I mentioned, part 1 was a loose remake of POINT BREAK, part 3 was THE KARATE KID, I would’ve loved if this one was a lift of THE FUGITIVE. Obviously you got this Hobbs character doing his Tommy Lee Jones, with his version of the “outhouse, henhouse” speech, chasing our fugitives. Instead of escaping from a prison train crash it’s a rolled prison bus (although there’s also a train crash in this movie). There’s a part where they jump a car off a huge cliff, that’d be funny if it had the same purpose in the story as the part where Harrison Ford jumps out of the drain pipe. What if Dom was framed for running somebody over, but he knew the person who really did it drove a car with one white tire, and he travels around helping people while trying to prove his innocence? It could’ve worked.

This is a really enjoyable movie, I’d say mainly for fans of the series but it seems like everybody else likes it too. It does a great job of revisiting most of what we enjoyed in previous installments and improving on them in many ways. Most of these sequels have some weakness in the end, this one starts out good and ends way better. It even has the confidence to set up a new installment kind of like they do in the Marvel comics movies. (or, hell, like they did in TOKYO DRIFT. That’s where they got the idea for THE AVENGERS in my opinion. And everything else.)

Best part 5 of all time? FAST FIVE has gotta be up there, at least in the top five part fives. What’s it up against, YOU NEVER LIVE TWICE? Other than that a part 5 this strong might be unprecedented.

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.

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Sounds like everyone has something to do, which apparently can be a challenge with action movies.

When you have something to do, you don’t just mope around or glower etc. I guess because they were in the “leading man” roles it seemed to me that Walker and Black spent a lot of time glowering, posturing, being mopey. I suppose Diesel has a little bit of it too, but he doesn’t do “upset” or “frustrated,” he just looks pissed off which is how you should be in an action movie because if you’re pissed off then you go do something about it.

Real cars rule: Blues Brothers, Ronin etc. Fake car chases and crashes are like CG robots hitting each other, who cares? There’s no danger, no suspense. Similar to the shaky fight scenes, if you can’t see what is going on, how can you identify with the hero/villian and be worried/afraid/engaged about what is happening to them?

The film also borrowed for ROCKY 3 as well, with the ending on a cliffhanger of the ultimate finale race between Dom and Brian. How’re they going to resolve that if they come back for another sequel? Because I suspect Dom’s powers come from his winning streak, like the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, and if he loses, there’ll be a Quickening or something where Brian inherits all his skills and automotive knowledge and baldness for himself, surely?

Great review– crazy to think that this series is actually older in years than the skinny jeans trend itself.

I do wonder about the notion that a cartoonish, or at least exaggerated, idea of masculinity coming back into vogue is something to get excited about. The last time I can remember manliness” coming back into fashion was a lot more recent than the 1980s, it was the late 1990s, and it lasted well into the 2000s (if skinny jeans are going to be our cultural barometer, those didn’t start getting mainstream acceptance until ’05 or ’06). And from that glorious era we got Limp Bizkit and all their imitators, rapes at Woodstock ’99, George W Bush, the U.S. military invasion of another country and coming out in support of torture as a viable option…

I’m a dude and I love being one, but I also appreciate how much easier my life is for the fact that I was born one. If manliness is on the rise these days I hope it’s colored with a little bit of that mindfulness, because last time it wasn’t much more than a blanket of fake empowerment to be thrown over destructive, willfully ignorant attitudes. This time let’s make it about the jeans.

Vern – Did you stick around for the post-credits scene? (Hint Hint Wink Wink: Sets up #6)

Anyway yes I quite enjoyed FAST FIVE as well. This Lin dude and his crew seem to know to use just enough “plot” (with as much cliches shoved into it like candy in a pinata) to excuse for the action, and most importantly NOT GET IN THE WAY OF IT. Sounds trivial I suppose, but the last two pictures have been very economical in terms of story, action, laughs, thrills and both are terrific matinee escapes. Like you mate Vern, I appreciate such a movie where we actually get stuntmen and stunt drivers and real shit destroyed. I mean there are crazy cool guys out there who live for this, and god knows they’re not exactly getting that much work (or fun) in blockbuster Hollywood today. Or at least not as much as they got with this one.

Roger Ebert (thumbs up) said this great quip in his review. And I agree:

“Justin Lin is emerging as a first-rate director in this second-rate genre, having shelved, temporarily I trust, the ambition suggested in his remarkable “Better Luck Tomorrow” (2002). Unlike a certain other maker of Crash-Crash-Bang-Bangs, whose name I trust you to summon effortlessly, he devotes attention to a storyline that devises ingenious new things to do instead of obsessively blowing up things.”

Oh gee, who could this “other maker” be? Is it someone who’s name rhymes with Bychael May?

and DirkD13 is right. Personally I think its amusing how these guys (SPOILER!!!) bust into a police station to steal cop cars, then fuck around in the racing.

I wonder: Is Lin coming back for #6? Pity if he leaves because he might be the only director this series has ever had that doesn’t seem to feel or act like he’s above this “drabble” or necessarily have disdain for the action as most “Post-Action” filmmakers seem to.

Like I said a couple of posts ago, Best Movie Ever.
I’d love to see Lucas Black come back in the 6th instalment, but can’t see how that would happen, since according to my reckoning, all these films are happening before Tokyo Drift, since the American Japanese guy died in that one (oops, sorry, SPOILER).
This film just kept on delivering, whether it was the continuing returning cast, the new addition of a totally kick-ass Rock led extraction squad, or the continually well-shot action. I loved those shots of them going over the cliff. I stopped watching the trailer when I went to the movies, because they started showing too much, like that shot.
And then it has the post-credit sequence as well, with one more, no wait two more returns.
Best Movie Ever (of course not counting Robocop, which is still technically Best Film Ever.)

Fa5t has a terrible script (except the Rock’s dialogue), so many plot holes and ‘convenient coincidences’ I stopped counting, choppy melodrama-comedy, and I wish it would have been an R movie. Also I can’t wait to see it again. That shit was dope!

I alter my understanding of ‘what the film is trying to do’ as so many people like to say it, and I think it was important to alter how I try to understand this one because did you notice that the main characters are fucking psycopaths? Unapologetic killing machines! But I guess it was mostly convicts on that bus, and all those cops on the bridge were dirty, so that justifies it? But what about the civilians in the bank, etc? Sorry, I need to forget these things, alter the understanding, I know, I loved Fa5t anyway.

Also, Vern, did you catch the visual references to the first F&F? There’s the beers on the porch and a couple others I thought, but the big one came at the end of the best scene, the RPG ambush. I won’t spoil, but there’s a very diesel man and a shotgun involved. Respect to the original right there.

I kept anticipating some kind of secret family connection reveal, maybe the bad guy related to the lady cop?, or maybe one more double cross, like with that guy from The Unit, but I wasn’t too disappointed these things didn’t happen because, like Vern said, it has so much great code of honor stuff and script-flipping ‘good guy teams up with bad guy’ stuff, Toretto saves everybody’s life at least twice, etc.

Oh yeah, and we finally get to see Toretto do his thing with a pipe wrench, in full on berserker mode, like they always hinted at in the first Fast & Furious. It’s a sequel that rewards the fans of the series! And makes all the characters more likely to destroy & kill on a massive scale without abandon! How nice!

Woke up too late for the matinee today, damn my hard partying. Gonna have to catch it tomorrow morning. I still find it laughable that Vin Diesel who is about my height could plausibly take on The Rock who looks like a fucking monster. Talk about movie magic. Then again it goes without saying that that type of outrageous shit has always been the charm of these flicks.

I can’t wait to see this! I’m sure I’ll love it, and I’m sure it will go down as a great Part Five, but the best? The only thing to me standing in it’s way would be Empire Strikes back, but I would actually consider the awful Attack Of The Clones to be Part 5 since it was the 5th one they made

I’m just sitting here trying to think of any decent part fives in movies. I can’t think of shit. I wasn’t going to bother with this, I never bothered watching parts three or four, but if The Rock is as good as everyone says, I’ll check it out.

No one seems to be mentioning Paul Walker not being able to act. Did he get good or does everyone just accept him as a lump of wood now?

Ace Mac – you don’t get it. Part five is usually the reboot. Batman goes back to his roots; Sean Connery dies, is reborn, and turns Japanese; The Terminator goes back to the original T-100 (or so they’re saying); hopefully Scream 5 follows suit by ditching the old cast and bringing us a fresh new story.

Vern, I love it that “The Expendables”, which I disliked although did not hate, has actually had positive after-effects for action cinema. If only it had been the tipping point that turned the world against shakycam. But I have a question: has it turned the world against Stallone instead? I could understand it if it had; he was terrible in that movie. I’m looking on IMDB and all he seems to have going so far is “Headshot” and “Expendables 2” (neither of which is in production yet) plus one supporting role in an animated movie. This despite the fact that it’s basically been a year since “Expendables”. What’s he doing these days?

Psychic hits – my theory of the Return of Manliness is hopefully separate from the more prominent Rise of Douchiness. I gotta think this one through some more. We’ll see.

Dirk – good point, that was a great scene and such a good character moment that I didn’t even think to include it as a street race. Also I didn’t mention that the big fight scene had one of the biggest emotional moments too, which easily makes up for the could’ve-been-better staging.

RRA – well, doing a movie with Walter Hill and Thomas Jane sounds potentially better than GET CARTER remake and other shit he’s been doing the last decade. I think he’s doing well and is hopefully being wise by finding another director for EXPENDABLES 2.

It’s pretty much been understood though that every F&F that was released after TOKYO DRIFT is indeed a prequel to TOKYO DRIFT though. Until they decide to tell us otherwise and bring back Lucas Black who of course meets Dom at the end of TOKYO DRIFT. I guess they realized that it was a mistake to kill off the best character in the franchise so they needed an excuse to bring him back. I’m not complaining either.

THE DEAD POOL is a decent part five but I do like DEATH WISH V more. I love NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5 but it’s one of the most generally hated ones so I gotta keep thinking on this. It is difficult to make such a list (Top 5) in terms of part 5’s universally hailed as good movies by movie fans. What a challenge.

I thought it was just ok. 2 FAST is still my favorite. Just a bunch of giggly, retarded fun every time I watch it. FIVE has a good action scene at the beginning and a good action scene at the end. Everything else is a bunch of mediocre Ocean’s Eleven stuff. The Rock/Diesel fight was a letdown not only because of the shaky cam, but also because most of the fight takes place in a couple of small, dark rooms. Rock was intense but most of his lines suck. “Make sure you have your THUNDERWEAR on” was good, though.

Also, I couldn’t disagree more about Brewster. She looked sick the whole time. It looked like they were starving her during the shoot.

Wait I confused DEATH WISH V with number IV. It’s been years since I last saw the series but I remember DEATH WISH V being extra lame. So I must reiterate THE DEAD POOL >>>> DEATH WISH V. I thought POLICE ACADEMY 5 was the best of the sequels so maybe that one has a place on the list.

wadew: I always wonder how people still find her hot? I remember when THE FACULTY came out I fell in love with that girl. She was borderline perfect. Since FAST THE FOURTH though she has looked so disgustingly anorexic. I almost cried when I saw her recent MAXIM photo shoot. How fucking deluded have people become that they can’t see that there is clearly a real fucking problem with her weight? she must be really depressed or something cause she fell off worse than a cripple trying to climb up a ladder.

I quite liked “The Dead Pool”. Although it was nowhere near as good as “Magnum Force” and none of the sequels came close to the original “Dirty Harry”, I found movies #3 and #4 in the “Dirty Harry” series to be forgettable. At least “The Dead Pool” has Jim Carrey in a freezer.

Broddie – REGENERATION is better than the first SOLDIER. There I said it mother fuckers. Though somebody making a better movie with the same basic idea than Roland Emmerich? Why I’m shocked, absolutely shocked, positively shocked.

Yes, although REGENERATION is officially considered part 3 I consider it part 5 and therefore the greatest part 5 of all time, being so clearly better than all before it. I also like DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH. The DIRTY HARRYs get worse each time, but I do somewhat enjoy DEAD POOL so considering the low level of competition it could make it into the top 5.

As for Jordana Brewster I didn’t mean to promote skinny girls, I just thought she was really bland in the old days and here she seems more self assured and capable. I guess I don’t remember her enough from part 1 or STEALTH (she’s the lead in that besides Jessica Biel, isn’t she?) to notice that she lost weight.

I just got home from seeing this movie and holy shit, it had everything. It really rewards us dudes who watched all these movies over the years. That Justin Lin is good people in my humble opinion and whatnot, has anybody on here seen that Better Luck Tomorrow movie? I thought it was pretty good, and of course Han is excellent in it.

ThomasCrown442 – I gotta concur on DAF being the worst Connery picture. Whatever problems YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE may have, it has fucking NINJAS ASSAULTING A VOLCANO LAIR! Diamonds Are Forever has….Jimmy Dean.

Vern – I thought REGENERATION effectively wiped out in continuity not just those DTV sequels, but also that Bill Goldberg sequel?

PaulWalker’sGunFetish – Not sure, but isn’t Lin attached to that HIGHLANDER remake?

Diamonds are Forever is indeed a miserable fucking experience. 40 year old Connery who looks closer to 70, goofy humor that makes the whole thing feel like a bad SNL skit, and an atrocious third act. For some reason I always forget it exists. Forgive me for even implying YOLT was worse.

If this was an EXPENDABLES-type bringing together of stars, I guess it would be “tough action stars who’ve starred in goofy kids’ movies.” It’s The Tooth Fairy vs The Pacifier! And I guess Paul Walker you could say did EIGHT BELOW, a Disney movie, he fits in too.

I’m surprised nobody lists FOR YOUR EYES ONLY, which had that ridiculous scene where instead of establishing his rivalry with the villain over a card game, Connery instead plays a video game against the guy which gives players electric shocks when they’re losing. Plus Bond basically poses as a masseuse and technically molests Kim Basinger. Though rather progressively, one of the minor Bond girls in that was in fact a transexual.
“Not sure, but isn’t Lin attached to that HIGHLANDER remake?”
I thought he was doing TERMINATOR 5?

Who is seeing/has seen this in Imax? Tomorrow (Sunday) it’ll be my first Imax experience and I’m really excited. Naturally this review (which I’ve only skimmed at this point, until I see the movie) gets me even more pumped up.

I don’t believe the Return of Manliness overlaps with the Rise of Douchiness, and you just have to pretend you’re a woman for a moment to understand the distinct differences between the two, and to see that if there’s a relation between them it’s that the existence of the Mans necessitates the division. As in, the heroes of the Return of Manliness must be the ones to battle the Rise of Douchiness.

That was Never Say Never Again Stu. And yes, the video game scene was pretty stupid. I guess they were trying be “hip” since video game systems were relatively new at the time. James Bond molesting Kim Basinger? Just the usual Bond pervy goodness.

I really enjoyed this movie, but the central Mcguffin was too much for me. Why was the villain trying to steal a car with a microchip full of all of the locations of his money drops? Where did that come from? Why did the CIA have it? What did it even matter? If the person getting the car didn’t know what it meant, they would have just deleted it. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just by the car at the police auction? Or find out who bought the car and then go strong arm them?

It’s a very silly set up.

Also, did anyone else notice how they make this big, elaborate plan to rob the bank…and then just drive a truck into the building and steal it? I was kinda hoping that the Rock was gonna bring them all into the jail, like he had a captured them, and then once they were inside, he would help them escape and get the money. That would have made more sense and had higher stakes.

Hunter D. – Good point. Chalk it up to just sloppy screenwriting excusing that opening train sequence, but…..yeah chalk it up. Unless somebody has a better answer.

And you’re right about what we say. Personally I was expecting exactly what you were talking about, but I must admit I was amused with the idea how these guys had put so much effort and time, only at the end just to say fuck it and frontal assault in absurd fashion. I mean yes, crash straight into a cement wall. That can’t hurt you at all since its a movie.

(Of course, the bad guys knew they failed to kill Mr. The Rock. They would have probably told the cops on the payroll. That I don’t mind.)

In a way, FAST FIVE is as “stupid” as any Michael Bay production (or a Zach Snyder one for that matter too), yet my IQ wasn’t insulted here really? Don’t just say because it was “good.”

I suppose its because, as others said already, I was too busy admiring the stunt craft and really, the economical storytelling and all that. Plus I was grinning at the movie’s self-admitted faux paus of fucking physics in the ear: Two cars dragging a steel vault down the street without fucking those mechanical horses up. To say that’s very unlikely is….well, do I have to?

***SPOILER!***

Did anyone else’s audience go bananas over the way The Rock off-handidly kills the villain? That was good.

I don’t know about Hunter and RRA here but the way I figured it was what with Brian saying that the keys for the cars had DEA tags on them, that the cars had been seized as part of a drug bust of some sort, and the whole heist for the cars was a cover for Reyes to get back the car with all of his GPS info in it, hence Reyes’ Man on the mission and his concern for that car in particular and so on and so forth.

Lots and lots of CGI assist in this one – it feels pretty real because of a combo of ultra-fast editing and very good computing (made easier because that’s what CGI excells in: inorganic surfaces and quick cuts)

Also: not much at stake, really. When Vin Diesel walks into frame looking bigger – and meaner – than a rhino, not only do you know the good guys will win, you know they’ll win without so much as a scratch. In fact, Diesel doesn’t even break a sweat (I noticed The Rock does, which was a terrific little detail).

If all this mayhem is no more of a hassle for our heroes than going for a carton of milk, why exactly should I in the audience care? ‘Cause we’re crashing cars?

The only time I was honestly worried was Brian and Mya jumping onto that collapsing roof – a moment made even better by the fact that I knew she was preggers. Some tension there, at last.

FAST FIVE is egregiously juvenile (Brian’s got a new life and a wife with a belly the size of a beach ball and what he *really* wants to do is compare dick size with Torreto? Fucking really?) fueled by a retarded desire to smash everything. I felt I was babysitting a 6yr old boosted on Red Bull.

I’ll take every shot of Jordana Brewster, the Eva Mendes cameo and the foot chase in the favelas.

You guys can have all the rest while I enjoy a BULLIT / TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A. double bill. Now those are fucking movies . . .

Saw this yesterday, thought it was great except for the Rock/Vin fight, which as has been discussed could have been shot more clearly. Other than the carnage at the end, best moment was the chase across the favela roof-tops, which had terrific momentum. CGI-assists? most definitely, but nothing which took me out of the movie, even the more preposterous moments such as the swan dive off the bridge at the beginning.

Anyone get a handle on the relationship between Dom and the rookie cop? It seems like he already knew who she was…

I have a lot of man-love for Vin and Rock, both of whom are great action stars who unfortunately end up in a lot of of subpar movies. Nice to hear that this is apparently a good one. I have to check it out when it arrives here next weekend.

RRA – I dunno if I’m just trying to see references to the past movies in everything but it sort of reminded of the stuff in 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS and FAST & FURIOUS where the cartel head guys seem to have a great love for fancy GPS gizmos for all their drivers to use on deliveries and all that, but like Roman Pierce said, sometimes I be overthinkin’ things.

Yeah spanish Phil Hartman’s character in this one is probably the most inept drug kingpin in a hot minute. Neither Bucho or his character from JACK RYAN III would’ve ever been that dumb when it came to such intel being so easy for anyone to grab. Still this one was fun.

If you ask me it is indeed the best one with TOKYO DRIFT and the original behind it. I never saw part 4 but since the after credits sequence pretty much renders it’s main plot point irrelevant I think I’ll just wait. I’ll probably see it on the day I buy the eventual car shaped box set that will be released once they decide to wrap all this up. All in all this is the first time since THE RUNDOWN I’ve seen The Rock live up to his promise as a big screen badass.

I was also glad when Han delivered his last line, I don’t want them to speed up all the way to the TOKYO DRIFT timeline just yet, have him in at least 4 movies altogether.

Oh and RRA regarding the US flicks. I do think that US: R is superior to the first in terms of atmosphere, cinematography and overall action staging. I also prefer old weathered JCVD to younger pretty boy Van Damme cause he now looks like he’s got some stories to tell as an aging badass. However the one thing I find the original completely superior and why I prefer it is not even the higher production values nope it’s Dolph’s Andrew Scott. He didn’t get too ramp up the insanity till later into US: R when he started channeling the original Andrew. While in US he’s batshit insane and chockfull of quoteables throughout the whole fucking thing.

That to me is unmatchable though now that you brought up other people being able to best Emmerich with the same concepts I’d really like to see a STARGATE remake in the hands of a more capable director. That was a concept that didn’t live up to it’s fullest potential in the hands of him and Devlin and since it has such a nice cult following now thanks to the asstastic TV shows hopefully that will eventually happen.

EMPIRE will always be part 2 and NOT part 5 in my eyes. I don’t play that revisionist shit. I go by how the movies chronologically dropped. This is the same reason why like Vern I consider US: R number 5 in that franchise.

I grew up on the original trilogy and EMPIRE was always number 2. Besides the prequels don’t even exist to me but if they did it will be CLONES as number 5 as Timmy already pointed out earlier in this thread.

You know, I hadn’t really thought of it this way, but back in the early 2000s alot of us thought The Rock and Vin Diesel were the future of action. But after their breakthrough movies neither of them were as consistent or as great as we were hoping. Now they’re in a movie together and it’s one of the career bests for both of them so far. That’s pretty cool.

One thing that I thought was awesome, and I did not see mentioned here, was that when they were bringing up everyone’s info on a computer it lingered for a second on Han. Turns out Han’s name is Han Seoul-Ho. Made me laugh.

The first five minutes of the movie was excellent and it just never let up from there.

I enjoyed it a lot. I genuinely like all of these characters and never thought the dialogue was ever that bad. Maybe it’s because I was just too caught up in enjoying the crazy action to notice, though.

I agree with Vern. I don’t know why this series does not get much respect. That people are coming around to this one being good is a start, but in all honesty I can not think of a major Hollywood action film I’ve enjoyed more since Starship Troopers.

As an actual and unapologetic fan of the series I feel that a low of the points that people quibble over, such as the Rock and Vin Diesel fight, aren’t all that big or important. Even that fight was good and that it wasn’t the best fight ever does not mean it won’t be the next time they go at it in F&F 6, 7, and 8.

I’m a little surprised this did not get an R rating. Some of the action was really brutal. The Rock taking on guys in the favela, especially where he stabs on in the throat with a knife, got really brutal. Actually, a lot of the action was downright mean and hard hitting. The only times it wasn’t was when it was directed against Vin Diesel. That guy was parrying crowbar hits with his forearms like it didn’t hurt and was otherwise immune to any sort of violence thrown out at him. I hope they’ll take issue with that in the future and we find out that he’s descended from Achilles or something.

Seriously, though, this movie was great. I laughed. I squirmed. I was excited. I was happy. It just worked. For as much as people shit on this series I do not understand what alternatives there are for mainstream action films that work on every level. I’m all ears if anyone has any suggestions, though!

Han’s last name thing was kinda funny especially since he is a Han Solo-like scoundrel and all. I’m actually gonna rewatch BETTER LUCK TOMORROW today though cause I’m not sure if that last name contradicts what I thought was pretty much a fact up to this point. That the Han from BLT is the same one used in Lin’s F&F movies considering it’s the same actor and he always talked about taking a wrong turn and all. So I’m gonna rewatch to see if it’s at least the same last name.

Dude, I’ve seen Joaquim de Almeida in many movies, as many of us have, and this never occurred to me. Now unfortunately due to your throwaway comment, I will never be able to see this guy in any movie again without laughing. You’ve completely ruined my ability to appreciate the poor guy’s serious acting work without my brain working against me and inserting “Hi, I’m Troy McClure” every time he appears.

This discussion has to begin with Empire Strikes Back. It is TECHNICALLY the 5th part of the story, but obviously everybody won’t agree that it is a true “Part 5”. If it counts, its the best ever, simple as that. Another movie that may not technically count is Superman Returns, but it isn’t that great anyways so it doesn’t matter. The Batman series is very open for debate about which movie is part 5 (or if there’s even a part 5 at all). If you count the 1940’s serials, then the 5th Batman movie is Batman Returns. If you start at the 60’s Batman movie, the 5th film is Batman & Robin (ouch). If you start at Tim Burton, then the 5th is Batman Begins. Or you could be one of those who believes that the franchise resets with each director change or star playing Batman. Not an entirely unreasonable point of view to have, but I only agree with that somewhat. I’d say that the franchise reset twice. Everything before Tim Burton’s first is one era, everything from then until Nolan’s reboot is another and we’ve started a new era with Batman Begins. So technically there hasn’t been a true “Part 5” to Batman yet.

On to movies that definitely count (in no order, really):
Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix
Universal Soldier: Regeneration
Cheech & Chong: Still Smokin
The Pink Panther Strikes Again
Fast Five
The Muppet Christmas Carol
You Only Live Twice
Horse Feathers (Marx Brothers, although again, there was a “lost movie” that is technically their first, making this their 6th, but nobody saw that 1st one and this was the 5th Marx Bros. film released)

So, yes, Vern, Fast Five could definitely be in the top 5 Part 5’s of all time. I’d say it is.

This was easily the best in the franchise. The Vin/Rock fight was everything a fight like that should be, and fulfilled all the promise missed when XXX dropped the ball by not having Vin fight that big blond clown.

I’m stunned at the lack of head trauma on either fighter, given the rate of facial introduction to hard vertical or horizontal surfaces.

I would have loved to see the Rock off the ground on the rooftop chase. Those rooves wouldn’t hold 250lb Dwayne, and it would be awesome to watch him falling through roof after roof, and bouncing down the cliff like Homer Simpson.

Wow, I must have been way off when I saw this one because I was completely disappointed. I thought it was too plotty and slow with very little action between the favola chase and the climax. I wanted to see the race they skipped over, even though I like the joke that we just assume they win because they’re so awesome. I didn’t think The Rock had much to do at all, though of course he elevated what they gave him. I adore FAST & FURIOUS and don’t think anything in FAST FIVE tops the tanker heist, the GPS race and the cave run.

You guys have brought a lot of the character I was lacking to my attention. I thought they were wasting a lot of time. I hope I can see it again for the first time.

I know the SAW franchise isn’t popular here but I thought their V was one of their strongest.

Griff you don’t even have to rewatch the others just watch this new one cause the last 15 minutes alone are pretty much worth it. One of the illest spectacles of total fucking destruction that I’ve seen on the big screen in a while. I’m actually ambivalent about seeing THOR this weekend cause I know that it won’t have anything in it that tops that chase through Rio at the climax of this one.

Broddie – Thor has some surprisingly insane shit in it. I wasn’t familiar with the comic property at all, and watched it directly after F5 and honestly preferred it. An awesome double bill of carnage for sure.

Come to think of it… forget the point of “best part fives” for a second, and tell me this: how the FUCK did this series ever get to #5? How does that happen? How did it even get beyond #2? I honestly thought nobody would go and see #2, regardless of its merit (and it’s easily the best of the three I’ve seen) because the first one had such a great premise and just did nothing with it.

That’s great to hear Dirk cause not only was I a huge fan of the comic book growing up but I love Branagh’s work generally more often than not. So I really want this movie to be damn good. Just that everything I’ve seen has been underwhelming thus far and did have me worry that there wouldn’t be any large scale kick assery since there has been no display of it at all in any trailers or clips. Can’t wait till saturday to see what they came up with.

They need to start killing off some characters, raise the stakes, focus the story. I’d say Diesel, Walker, Brewster, Han, Rock are the remaining living characters who interest me. Are these the Fast Five? I’m interested to how they will deal with Rodriguez in 6, so her too, so she could be the furious sixth.

Just saw it late last night and I agree, this is one of the best Part 5’s ever. I liked it far more than any of the others in the series (although I haven’t seen Tokyo Drift yet). It was a male soap opera, right down to the characters dying and coming back and/or making stunt last second cameos. I got a good laugh too whenever the flick tried to be serious especially the “I got eyes on Nico now!” line.

And considering the unorthodox numbering method of the series, may I suggest going with
Roman Numerals and calling the flick, “The Fast and the FVrIous”.

Honestly if everyone but Walker and Tyrese died I wouldn’t complain. They’re relationship in 2 Fast 2 Furious is the only thing that made it watachable. Maybe Han can stay too. I thought he was kind of shortchanged in this one. Then Brewster, Rodriguez, and The Rock can make it six. Voila!

Just a note to Vern…as of last I heard, Stallone did some interview where he said had pretty much decided not to look a new director for Expendables 2 and had decided to do it himself again. Maybe he changed his mind again since then, but afaik, right now, Stallone is on board to direct Exp 2.

As an on topic note, I’ve yet to see any of the Furious movies, but I dig The Rock and I wanna check this one out.

To respond to Sternshein, I know the horror community hates Saw V. That’s why I speak up as the dissenter. I’m a devoted fan of that series so I’m interested that I see Saw V as a mature adult take on the mythology, but the intended audience for the film thinks it jumped the shark. I think VI is where it gets silly.

Still conflicted on this. Really want to have the experience everyone else was having. Didn’t anyone think the scene with Tyrese fast talking the security guard was stupid and pointless? I mean, he was funny in 2F2F.

SPOILERS: A fun little hodgepodge of Ocean’s 11, The Italian Job, Swordfish, Clear and Present Danger, The Road Warrior, The Fugitive, and Rocky III. Slightly overrated and over-long, but considering the shit we’ve been dealt recently, I’ll take it. Plus – best last 5 minutes ever? Everything post-climax was great and heart-warming and feel-good. I know it’s not the end but this really is a great way to send off those characters. Han’s final line was truly ingenious, and that may be the best post-credits sequence since Wild Things. Secret cameo that somehow wasn’t ruined, natural sequel setup AND it rights a really stupid wrong from Part 4? Lin and co. are miracle workers.

D. S – if Stallone is really directing Expendables 2 after all then it’s pretty depressing news. For this film to have a CHANCE of working, he has to do three things: fire the guy who does the scoring (seriously, that soundtrack couldn’t decide whether it wanted to rip off “Dexter or a “Modern Warfare” game, and as it turned out it did both badly), get an assistant director who knows how to shoot action, and put Statham in the lead while giving himself a cameo appearance at most.

Honestly, I don’t know why I’m even saying this, the first one failed so badly that I’ve got nothing but pessimism for #2. There were a few good parts – Steve Austin made a great henchman, Dolph Lundgren’s character was well-handled, etc – but Austin died and I can’t see how they could do anything as interesting with Lundgren in #2 as they did in #1. Thing is, I’d love to see a great movie that combines all the talent of the last few decades of action cinema. I just don’t see how “Expendables 2” could be it.

Paul, your talking about Brian Tyler. He and Tyler Bates are pretty much the worst composers in film history. Tyler also coincidentally does the Fast movies. The only explanation I can come up with is that he must be really really cheap.

The Olsen Gang’s Big Score is DANISH, goddamit. Don`t you guys know anything about cinema? But yes, one of the best number fives imo, but not as good as part 6 – 15. The Olsen Gang 16 doesn`t exist in this dojo and the kids versions, tv-shows and animated versions are pure necrophilia.

So after sleeping on it, I did find a few nitpicks – SPOILERS – 1) I swear I’ve seen Joaquim De Almeida play the exact same villain in multiple films. He was good, but I just wish he wasn’t so generic. Then again, 2) I actually wish The Rock was MORE similar to his past roles. There’s a layered, conflicted vibe you get in The Rundown and Walking Tall that’s really reminiscent of Tommy Lee Jones in The Hunted. Tired, weary, you know he’s seen the worst of the worst and lived through it. Here, even though he’s basically playing the same character, and he actually has an arc, a change of heart, etc…he’s too cartoonish, too broad. I just didn’t find him as interesting as I’ve found him onscreen before. 3) like everyone else says, the fight is disappointing. Too damn dark. 4) Paul Walker and Tyrese don’t retain any of their “chemistry” from Part 2. The latent homeroticism is pretty much the only thing anyone talks about from Part 2, it’s weird they never even addressed it or made a nod to it. Nobody says “bro” either.

And I know this is going to sound like a weird complaint, but like Casey said above, the action was really brutal, almost uncharacteristically so. I think 2 people die in Part 1 (and Paul Walker looks real sad he had to kill that bad guy, PLUS he gets bystanders to call 911!), 0 people die in Part 2 (it’s a “punch em out, maybe shoot them in the shoulder if you have to” kind of movie), and one person dies in Part 3. Now all of a sudden our heroes are blowing people away left and right – more people die in the train scene than in the first 3 movies combined! . The body count from 4 and 5 combined is probably close to 100, which normally I wouldn’t mind, but it just seems out of character for a F&F movie. It’s like how Bad Boys II was so much more graphic and mean-spirited than the first one, and it’s like “what’s going on?”

“‘1) I swear I’ve seen Joaquim De Almeida play the exact same villain in multiple films.’
You’re wrong. See, he usually plays MEXICAN crimelords, not Brazillian ones.”
Heheheh… it was great, though. I kept saying “it’s BUCHO!” to myself whenever he was on screen. Not a bad way to be remembered.

Fantastic film and couldn’t believe the action that I was viewing in front of me. Big fan of the franchise and although, as mentioned above, the action was tougher and certain character traits seemed removed, it was a thoroughly entertaining film. I actually went to see this yesterday by myself and found that I was completly on my own due to the glorious weather! Awesome!!
The Rock was a genius addition, the Favela fights were straight out of Call of Duty, the Train sequence was madness and the final safe dragging sequence was carnage. Little CGI spotted so hats off on a comendble job. For a 12a certificate in Britian, it certainly blew the action lid of certain other “hardcore” action films.
The only complaint I had was the it seemed as if the race scene for the blue 911 was completly cut out. Maybe the writers or Mr Lin thought “fuck it. We all know they’re winning the damn car”. It would have nice to have seen though as I felt that would have been a proper throw back to the first film.
And I stayed for the post credit cameo from Eva Mendes. What a fucking way to end a film! Outstanding. Great review Vern.

I’ve thought about this some more and I still really enjoy the film, I might go see it again next week while I’m out of town for business and will be bored in the evenings, but I have a few nitpicks.

The violence and brutality, which I liked initially, does seem a little out of place. I’m coming around to Neal’s (can I call you Neal, Mr 2Zod?) perspective that it is out of place. The first movie was a little gritty, but in a Hollywood sort of way, and the second movie was just a cartoon (it’s taken me a while to warm up to it but I really enjoy it now, although it’s still my least favorite of the series). Part 3 started to get darker but was still rooted in highschool. Part 4 took it further but that mostly applied to the bad guys. Part 5 just got mean and violent. Maybe it’s because of the setting, it’s hard to watch City of G-d and then watch another movie set in the same sort of setting without expecting some degree of brutality, but the violence was amped up. The scene where the Rock was chasing them and kills three of the drug dealer’s henchmen in an alley was just brutal and made me squirm. Maybe I’m getting older, though, and that’s bothering me more now.

Two quick points before I run off to a meeting:

The movie made a big deal about Dom not killing the two DEA Agents. Not to be a jerk but given the tone of the film and the situation he was in I think he would have killed them if he had to and if someone didn’t take them out first. It isn’t like he doesn’t kill out of principle or something. He just had not gotten around to it yet. Although later on when he restrains himself with The Rock that points to some morality there. I just thought it was a bigger point and seemed a little out of place but I think had the situation worked out a little differently that he would have killed them. Or maybe I’m misreading the character a little.

Also, why the Bryan Tyler hate? Granted, the only thing I really remember him for is the Children of Dune soundtrack but I really love that soundtrack. I’d rather that and the Fast and Furious soundtracks over the constant booming noise Hans Zimmer considered a soundtrack for Inception.

Just saw it. Really dug it, it’s perhaps my favourite of the series so far, although I need to see it again to cement that thought.

I have to say, at this point they could easily be lazy as all fuck in just banging them out, safe in the knowledge they will make a shit ton of cash no matter the quality, so for pt 5 to actually be really damn good is nothing short of miraculous.

The Vin/Rock stand-off was awesome; I almost thought the cinema screen was going to burst into charisma-induced flames of blue neon.

Not only am I stoked for pt 6 (especially after that whu?! in-credits scene), I’m also looking forward to seeing F&F3 redux – where Han climbs out of the burning car.

Btw, if we’re counting Iron Man, Hulk, Iron Man 2, and Thor as one “franchise” then there is a very solid possibility that Captain America could be one of the top 5 part fives. I mean, it only has to be reasonably competent to beat out everything except Fast Five and Harry Potter 5.

Actually, I kinda disliked the later 7-Up films. I mean, I’ve watched all of them, (one of the few worthwhile endeavors of my 12 grade career, along with Polanski’s MacBeth and Branagh’s Hamlet, oddly enough), but the later films seemed like they were just kinda there for tradition’s sake and in a morbid kinda curiosity of seeing if any of them died young. Of course, I have yet to reach middle age, so it might be a bit more difficult for me to relate. All the same, 35-Up certainly deserves a spot, if not the top spot on that list. Probably the only list that could logically include an Apted documentary and a Fast and the Furious sequel, though I would like to see more.

I don’t think Rambo 5 will ever happen, if only because after First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo III, and Rambo…what the hell would you call it? I’d vote for First Blood VI, just for illogic’s sake.

That said, Rocky Balboa is certainly the best, and more badass English Language part 6.

I didn`t enjoy Fast Five. I don`t know what`s wrong with me? One of the front speakers didn`t work in the theater, though, but none of my friends noticed. I did get free tickets when I complained to the staff, but I`ve enjoyed movies under worse circumstances, so I don`t believe that`s why I couldn`t get into it.

I was nitpicking right from the start; they are gonna free Vin Diesel and causes his bus to crash, which would certainly kill most of the prisoners in anything with a resemblance to the real world.
Then a montage that`s all scrampled up. Why? Is Skynet taking over? The movie doesn`t offer any answers.
Then they decide to steal some cars from a train and Vin Diesel is nowhere in sight. Oh boy, I thought, this is great; a good oldschool introduction of the badass, where he shows up in the last minute and saves the day. And then they cut of the side of the train and he just stands there, looking at them.. I mean, come on, they could at least have gotten into trouble, started shooting at each other, and the bad guys end up having them at gunpoint, cut to a mustang or whatever racing towards the trains, a close-up of a hand switching gears, back in the train, the bad guys starts monologing but Walker doesn`t pay attentation; he has noticed the unknown driver is getting closer.. Click! The bad guy cocks the hammer and sneers, starts sqeezing the trigger, but notices the sound of a roaring engine getting louder. He turns around, mumbles “what the f..”; A black mustang flies through the air and CRASHES into the compartment. Vin Diesel opens the door and mumbles something cool like; “I hate missing the train..” They highfive. “Bro!”
No. He just stands there, looking at them. That`s a good set-up with a poor pay-off and then my mind started wandering..

When I got home, I rewatched the first 10 minutes of The Fast and The Furious to find out if I`m getting to old to enjoy brainless spectacle, but no.. It`s an awesome beginning for a movie and seems almost classic compared to Fast Five.

Anyway, the succes of this movie is certainly gonna inspire a lot of number fives with the entire cast from the entire series returning; Indiana Jones 5, Resident Evil 5, Terminator 5, Rambo 5, Alien 5, MI:5, Pirates of the Caribian 5, Lethal Weapon 5.. The era of reboots is over. Rejoice!

And for the record; James Bond 5 is not as good as James Bond 1-4 and 6, but better than Bond 7-22, with the exeption of Bond 15,16,19 and 21, imo. That`s pretty good for a number five.

I meant Rambo FIVE, not Rambo VI, obviously. Though, it would be pretty cool if Stallone just said, “fuck it, we’re skipping five and going straight to six!”

Also, “And for the record; James Bond 5 is not as good as James Bond 1-4 and 6, but better than Bond 7-22, with the exeption of Bond 15,16,19 and 21, imo.” — that is an incredibly convoluted sentence, but I’m halfway sure it’s grammatically acceptable. Good work, son.

I got around to seeing this movie, having seen NONE of the prior films, and knowing nothing about the characters. That said, it was immensely entertaining, and now has me considering checking back the prior 4 installments. My biggest nitpick was that the characters at least sorta seemed to have a code of honor(Vin only killing Bucho…err Reyes’ men and not killing Rock or the female cop), but then at the end, they’re basically recklessly swinging a several ton vault around crashing it into cars, buildings(“did you guys just destroy a bank?”), running up on sidewalks…how many people would have been killed or injured by a chase like that in the real world? That said, it was a great scene, and I can overlook the nitpick. I enjoyed Rock and Vin’s fight, though the previous posters are right, it coulda been shot clearer. I gotta add, Lin knows what audiences wanted, too. When Vin is giving his “you guys are free to choose your own path” or whatever speech, and nobody says anything for a second, then you hear the Rock’s “I’m in”, I swear the audience I saw the movie with practically jumped and cheered.

I retract my DNA statement and wholeheartedly apologise. I was watching “2 fast 2 furious” at the time and was in the vain of the title track by Ludicras. Great song BTW. And how hot is Mendes? However, I do have a newfound gripe with the two new FF’s. They miss the fantastic cars of the first 3 movies and I’m far from a car fanatic. They are an extra character and they look ven better in HD. Or is it just me?!

You guys are gonna hate me for saying this, but “Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All by Myself” is one of my favorite part 5’s. (This is if we’re counting the Madea films as a James Bond-ian series, and ignoring the heavier, non-Madea stuff like “Why Did I Get Married?”)

It’s not quite as crowd-pleasing as “Madea Goes to Jail” but it’s better made and has a really strong central performance from Taraji P. Henson. Speaking of “…Goes to Jail”, I’ve still never seen an Ernest movie. Can anyone vouch if Ernest Part 5 is any good?

Man, has Vern ever reviewed a Madea movie? Because I saw Diary of a Mad Black Woman, and Jeezy Creezy, that movie is crazy. Just the most bizarre, wild tonal shifts. It’s like the movie itself is having PMS or pregnancy mood stuff. One scene it’s a court room drama, the next it’s an “urban” comedy with weed jokes, the next it’s a chick flick, the next it (and I’m not kidding here) moves toward torture porn territory. It’s kind of awesome. I’ve been meaning to watch more of the Tyler Perry films, actually.

Yeah I suggested a long time ago that Vern might enjoy “Why Did I Get Married?” simply because Michael Jai White is really excellent in it, but not sure if he ever took the bait. (I wish the DVD said “MJW as you’ve never seen him before!”) Cole Hauser is also really good in “The Family That Preys”, and it’s fresh and exciting to see those two actors stretch and try something new and different. Those two movies are Madea-less though and are basically pretty-good, if manipulative, straight melodramas.

But yeah, those tonal shifts in the Madea movies are insane. Imagine Big Momma’s House/The Nutty Professor except all of a sudden a character will reveal that they’ve been sexually abused and/or GANG-RAPED (I’m not exaggerating by the way). I dunno, like Van Damme’s splits or Seagal breaking a wrist, I believe “wild tonal shift” is actually Tyler Perry’s calling card so I’m actually used to it now.

Thanks to the above for the heads up on these Tyler Perry films. Never hard of them but sounds intriguing. I’m from UK and they are coming in at 12 CERTIFICATE which isn’t harsh cosidering your talking about torture porn! I’ll check them out though…

Mr. Man. It’s just a wife torturing her crippled husband by threatening to drown him in a hot tub. And a few other things like that. But considering that most of the movie plays like a light chick flick mixed with Big Mommas House, that scene is INSANE. I’m not actually recommending the Madea films, per se. But they certainly are memorable.

Yeah, I had typed “African American-centric ‘comedy'” or something, but then I edited so as to avoid the dreaded “drop of racism” tag and avoid that whole can of wormsish topic, and then I got lazy and just left it as is b/c the main point is I want people I care about to avoid Tyler Perry’s work like the plague.

Wow guys! I kind of have to watch them now to see what the fuss is about. To keep you happy Mouth, I’ll not shell out hard earned cash on the DVD’s. I’ll go illegal on Tylers ass. And have headache tablets at the ready!

Not to hijack this thread, (even though I do feel like we’ll be seeing The Rock in a Tyler Perry movie eventually), but does anyone know HOW THE FUCK Tyler Perry ended up in Star Trek? It was a small part and he was fine in it, but that was the most bizarre cameo since, I dunno, Gwyneth Paltrow in Pootie Tang or Julianne Moore in The Ladies’ Man.

Speaking of Star Trek, I think that part V had some pretty strong scenes even though as a whole it was weak and kind of pointless. Same with Rocky V, Stallone tries his damnedest in it and it’s underrated but also not very good.

But totally fuck Halloween 5. It rewrote the mythology, negated the end of Part 4 while setting up a whole bunch of shit that never really paid off in Part 6. It’s like The Matrix Reloaded of Halloween movies.

About the “Ernest Goes to Jail” thing…as a kid, I loved them. Nowadays, they’re…not really good, though I confess, they DO still have a few bits that make me laugh(truthfully though, they STILL make me laugh more than most modern movies that pass for comedies, so take that as you will). See, I’ve recently watched several of them with my niece and nephew(who are 4 and 6 respectively and love them). Of the lot, Ernest Goes to Jail is probably the most “entertaining” to me today(Randall “Tex” Cobb is in it, too!). However, as for Ernest 5…I didn’t like it even when I was younger. I don’t even remember which it is, I know “Goes to Camp” was the first actual Ernest movie, followed by “Saves Christmas”, “Goes to Jail”, and “Scared Stupid”, which was the last one I liked in my younger days.

“Ernest Rides Again” is #5 of the Ernest series (and per IMDB – the last to be released theatrically) – I think that’s the one where he goes to England and rides a cannon or some shit. (Man, there was NINE Ernest movies??!)

I’ve heard from a lot of people that “…Goes to Jail” is easily the best of the series where everything came together. The “Goldfinger” of Ernest movies if you will. I need to Netflix it or something one of these days.

To be fair: Christian Slater in Star Trek VI and Iggy Pop as a guest star in DS9 was imo more bizarre than Tyler Perry. (But maybe only because I still don’t know who he was. I constantly hear people say “Oh, Tyler Perry was in Star Trek”, but not knowing what he looks like or what role he plays helps.)

If you’re gonna see an Ernest movie, see “Goes to Jail”. As far as kids movies go, it’s also a tad darker at places than one would expect. At one point, Tex Cobb(playing enforcer for a mob boss or something that’s a splitting image of Ernest) blatantly threatens to crush a dude’s testicles in the weight room…and it’s not played for laughs. Then later he not too subtly threatens to cut another dude’s throat with some kinda shank thing if he doesn’t cooperate, which, again, if just shown as one clip without knowledge of where it comes from, would look like it came out of some actual prison themed b-movie. Plus, Ernest gets the electric chair(yes, he lives, but still, how many kids movies have something actually getting fried in an electric chair?)

So I was thinking (which is never a good thing), Since F5 has had the largest opening weekend in Universal Pictures history, surpassing JURASSIC PARK, I can’t help but be reminded of the NBA franchise the Toronto Raptors. Allow me to explain. Back in 1993 the NBA expanded into Canada and added two new franchises to the league. One was in Vancouver and the other was in Toronto. The Toronto franchise held a contest throughout America and Canada to help name the team and develop their colors and logo. Well all this happened just following the release of JURASSIC PARK in theaters. North America was suffering from a bad case of dino fever, and as a result when all the votes were counted the winning idea was “The Raptors”. Take a moment to think about how ridiculous that is. Because of the success of JURASSIC PARK they named a professional basketball franchise in Toronto the Raptors!?!? Now I know there are a lot of ridiculous mascots and logos in sports, but they usually at least have something to do with the city or region they are from. What do Raptors have to do with Toronto? The absurdity of it all made me wonder what if the NBA was launching a new franchise in the wake of the success of F5 and had a contest to name it, what would it be named? “The Furious” maybe, or even better “The Diesel”. Actually, I kind of like “The Diesel”, it is better than “The Thunder” (RIP The Sonics).

I was just pre-ordering the Blu Ray, and I had a look over the details/extras. While an extended cut isn’t listed, a seperate “Extended Feature Commentary” is in addition to “Theatrical Feature Commentary”. Anyone know what’ll be included in the longer cut?

Stu: I watched one DVD where the commentary track just kept going after the film had ended. I don’t remember which movie. The credits had rolled, the screen was black, and the commentators just kept talking.

Charles: The Toronto Raptors look less silly because there is a California hockey team named after THE MIGHTY DUCKS. At least dinosaurs are cool, and JURASSIC PARK is a beloved movie. Imagine being some jock traded over to a team named after a crappy Emilio Estevez kiddie flick.

Jareth – yes but unlike the real-life Estevez, the Ducks have actually won a Stanley Cup. I’m of the opinion that once you win a championship, there’s no room to mock your name or origins. (Last I checked, “Mighty Ducks” have been replaced with simply a more respectable, less Estevez-flavored “Ducks.”)

Griff – I don’t suck off Del Toro as much as the Internet does, but I’ll admit I want that movie to work. I mean dear god a monster/robot fighting movie?!? That’s the sort of awesome pitch that you expect Michael Bay to fuck up and still score a billion bucks.

Weird next summer, Ryan Reynolds has two movies against each other on the same weekend: R.I.P.D. and some Dreamworks toon about cars that makes CARS sound like high art in comparison.

I like seeing Hobbs and Dom teaming up to do the Doomsday Device at about 35 seconds inhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DolsJV-vLo
I didn’t see Dom’s new girlfriend in the trailer though, even though she’s meant to be in it. Though I did find it a bit forced how she gets together with him and apparently quit being a cop just because that one gangster was dead. Guess absolutely no other crimelords took over that power vacuum, huh?

Mr. M – I have to agree with your hyperbole. Now that’s how you do a 30 second ad. (Or was it a minute, I can’t remember.) We get some semblence of plot, we get eye candy galore (TANK!!!), and oh yeah that teaser at the end for those fans.

Anyway FF6’s plot seems to borrow an audible from the John Carpenter playbook, the gang offered pardons in exchange to take down a bad guy. (Only in the movies is the U.S. government that desperate (and useless) to take down an international criminal that they need a criminal gang, with a rap sheet a mile long which includes destroying downtown Rio and breaking a convicted federal inmate by blowing/wrecking a prison bus.)

But in all fairness, by now the internet gave up the spoiler warning approach anyway. I read the name of the certain actor, together with what might be the spoiler, by now in at least three different headlines, two of them even on pretty respectable websites.

So…apparently there is a HUGE possibility of James Wan being the director of F&F 7! Which is cool, because we all agree that he can direct action, after we watched DEATH SENTENCE, right? Let’s hope he gets the job!

Hey Vern, remember when you got (rightly) mad at me for spoiling that Fast 6 thing?

Well what I did to you, some dumbass fanboys did that to me regarding an upcoming summer movie. (I won’t say which but if you look around, I’m sure that particular thing will pop out.) This is karma revenge!

Anyway they were angry and spoiled it in message boards because this was evil and wrong and blah blah. The crazy thing is, having now read that spoiler….I really don’t understand why they’re upset. I really don’t.

I just got back from FAST 6: LOL THOSE CRAZY BRITS.
While there’s about a dozen things that don’t make sense and can be nitpicked, it’s another strong entry in the series and for modern action movies in general, and the mid-way credits scene makes the next installment an instant watch for me.

Stu – tell me, does that movie’s bigass budget show up on the screen, every pennys worth or schillings worth or whatever those weird money things Brits use. (How can fat cells be your national currency? So the richest people over there are fatasses with all their Pounds?)

So FA5T still contains at least 3 of the best action scenes of the past decade or 2.

Bonus points for spotting the way-back scriptorial callback to the first TF&TF in the Vin vs. Rock fight
(It has to do with the bashing-tool.)

and/or the visual callback to the first TF&TF in the seriously brilliant ambush scene

(upward p-o-v shot of Vin rocking the shotgun, slo-mo approaching the guy in the “dead” cockroach position on the ground).

And goddammit the family-sacrifice dynamic of the almost-final conversation of FA5T (“It was always the plan.”) gets to me real bad, harsher even than the FURIOUS 6 moment[s] when Dom save-tackles Letty in mid-air.

The ambush that is prompted by a RPG, furthered into tragedy by a double-grenade drop, and filmed by Lin like he truly doesn’t realize that he’s supposed to be slumming it. The sound design in this stretch is beyond superb. The shot of The Rock being sent backwards by a fiery explosion is iconic.

I can’t really say that I missed Lucas Black but hey, why not? Stick him in there too. Maybe their elaborate heist requires someone to perform the Ultimate Drift and he’s the only one that can pull it off.

Okay, Millenials, now you’ve gone too far. It was one thing when you insisted that Pokemon was an acceptable thing for grown-ass humans to discuss in public or when you didn’t get the joke and decided that Joseph Kahn’s gritty POWER RANGERS parody was the kind of thing actual film professionals should get paid to make. But Justin Lin’s only got so many movies in him. Having him waste a couple years of his peak for this reunion tour of your bland, uninspired youth is a crime against the badass arts and I for one will not stand for it.

A Space Jam sequel has been as eagerly awaited as another Chicago Bulls championship (or whatever your home team may be, provided that it hasn’t brought home a title in decades). Fans have floated theories of the developing project, fueled by Warner Bros.’ filing for new Space Jam trademarks, thereb

I recently got in an online fight with someone, because he said that “James Wan should stay the fuck away from Star Trek” and I corrected him that he was obviously thinking of the other FAST & FURIOUS director with a first name that starts with a J and an Asian last name with three letters. (He didn’t believe me and got pretty rude.)

When I’ve heard the SPACE JAM 2 news, I confused Lin with Jon M. Chu. I should apologize to that other guy from a while ago, but I can’t remember who he was and he was a shit rooster anyway.

Whenever someone around my age admits to liking Space Jam, I die a little inside knowing that we are the future and we have failed. A truly terrible, terrible movie. I hope they have one hell of an idea/script for it that inspired Lin to pursue it (other than merchandise residuals).

I still meet people who insist the Power/Rangers short isn’t a parody, even after sending them many interviews with Kahn where he straight up says he is making fun of them for having that exact opinion. Almost as defeating as guys saying it is not a good satire because Power Rangers RPM already did a dark and deep take on the mythos and did it without having to add boobs and violence (not making that one up).

Also, is this where I’m supposed to say some shit like “WELL ACUTALLY Pokemon is very deep and mature for a kid’s property…”
-always have to thrown in the word ‘deep’ somewhere…

Back in Action was better but still not very good (I guess to admit somewhat biased attitude in that I have recieved heat for saying Joe Dante was the original ‘friend-of-the-Internet’ director, i.e. most of his films are not very good but the Internet acts like they are all masterpieces because he’s into the same stuff they are). Funnily Back in Action started out as a psedo-sequel called Spy Jam and was to star Jackie Chan. This was when he was also attached to a Stretch Armstrong movie. Thus in retrospective Spy Next Door shouldn’t have been a shock (funnily The Pacifier was written for Jackie but had to turn in down so he stared in the low-rent knock-off).

I was hoping Lin would get to do another one of his personal films like Better Luck Tomorrow and Finishing the Game after so many franchise movies. Oh well.. Maybe SJ2 will be amazing.. maybe.. Even with Lin it is kinda hard to get excited about this one.

Looking at Dante’s filmography again and trying to find a proof for your claim that most of his films are not very good, but unless you add random TV episodes that he made to the count, I would only put EXPLORERS and BURYING THE EX to the “not good” list and that definitely doesn’t count as “most”.

SPACE JAM was the first movie I was really excited for which made me feel… nothing. I couldn’t even fully process it at the time. I maintain that it’s worse than BATMAN & ROBIN (which I saw a couple of months later, knew it was the weakest in the series even then but wasn’t disgusted or anything), and I believe the only reason that’s not a common opinion is because genuine respect and knowledge of classic animation is less common than it is for comics or the Burton films. In fact Warner Brothers had a string of really bad, unpopular movies in that era (B&R, THE AVENGERS, WILD WILD WEST, BATTLEFIELD: EARTH) all of which I think are more interesting than SPACE JAM.

But can we all agree that the SPACE JAM soundtrack is better than its reputation? These days everybody is like “Ugh, fuck that R. Kelly song”, but there is some seriously good stuff on it. (Including some pretty crazy stuff like a rap by Bugs Bunny and a coverversion of BASKETBALL JONES by Barry White and Chris Rock!)

CJ: Personal opinion. I like the two Gremlins pictures and really like Matinee but I can’t bring myself to like (or even care) for just about any of his other movies. I’m into the same stuff he is (’50’s Sci-Fi and old movies) and think it’s really cool he found the whereabouts of The Giant Claw but that doesn’t make me find his movies any more interesting or good. That Space Jam soundtrack is definitely an interesting oddity though, way better than that movie deserved.

Paceman: I am in agreement with you about Warners other late-90’s flops all being better than Space Jam. I can sit down and watch any of those disasters over Space Jam any day (I admit I have soft-spot for Avengers even though it is not very good and Wild Wild West is the movie that taught me how much money can be spent on a really bad movie, at least Keneth Branagh is having fun and Bo Welsh’s production design is great).

I forgot Joe Dante did MATINEE. One of my favorite films as a teenager. That and GREMLINS 2 are enough to make me solidly pro-Dante.

I’ve never watched SPACE JAM but it would have to be something pretty special to be less interesting than WILD WILD WEST. That movie (WWW, I mean) was just terrible in a really awkward, unfunny, “Oh God make it stop” kinda way. I get appreciating THE AVENGERS (Sean Connery one obviously), BATMAN AND ROBIN or BATTLEFIELD: EARTH (at least on first viewing – these movies don’t generally stand up to repeat views) for the sheer bizarre “did that really happen?” quality that they have. But WILD WILD WEST… I think its greatest sin is taking stuff like cross-dressing Kevin Kline, giant robot spiders, and Salma Hayek, and making them all boring.

Is the R Kelly song that bad? It’s ridiculous, bombastic and pretentious as all hell, but no more than half a dozen other “inspirational” songs of its time. (Anybody else remember EARTH SONG?) Back then, if you were a solo black R&B singer and didn’t have at least one song where a full gospel choir ended up joining in with you for the last verse / chorus, you couldn’t expect to be taken seriously. I’m pretty sure they wrote it into law at some point. Seriously though… I BELIEVE I CAN FLY wasn’t as bad as it was given credit for, even back then, in my opinion.

Broddie: “We need a city of justice, city of love, city of peace
For everyone of us
We all need it, can’t live without it
Gotham City, oh yeah”

Mr. Majestyk: I know I’m dead inside… Life has a way of doing that to you.

Paul: I 100% agree with you on Wild Wild West. That movie broke me. I could not believe so much money and talent was wasted on it. I wondered for years how that could’ve happened (this was pre-Internet and me being a stupid kid). Thus, I have become somewhat fixated on that thing. A truly terrible movie that thought me that no matter how much talent and money is involved, a film can be a complete disaster. It also taught me how important chemistry between actors/characters are because Smith and Kline had none (funnily that is also the big fun killer in OG Avengers, Fines and Thurman have no chemistry). Amazing production design, fun camera placements and moves, and Kenneth Branaugh’s I don’t give a fuck performance are legit good though in WWW though. When people say that one should study bad movies rather than good ones to learn, WWW is my go-too.

Nah, I kinda like WILD WILD WEST*. It could have been better, but it’s an entertaining SciFi Western Comedy. (Although as far as these go, I like Charles Band’s OBLIVION more. Both movies feature Musetta Vander**, btw.) On the scale of “Worst big budget studio movies ever”, it’s definitely ranked deep, deep, below THE AVENGERS. (Not the Marvel one.)
Maybe you guys are easier on that one, because you never saw the TV show (coincidentally I never saw the WILD WILD WEST series), but man, they got everything wrong that you could get wrong about it. Starting with the casting (Fiennes looked more like Stan Laurel and I never got the appeal [no pun intended] of Uma) and ending with Steed and Peel kissing. Just thinking of that movie

About I BELIEVE I CAN FLY: It’s not bad bad. It’s kinda bland and unoriginal. Admittedly most of the hate comes it being overplayed and overused until nobody could take it seriously anymore. Kinda like Smash Mouth’s ALL STAR, which at least never tried to be anything more than a fun pop song.

In conclusion: I miss the Quad City DJs.

*Random trivia: When the movie was announced, I thought this was gonna be a remake of BLAZING SADDLES, because that movie’s German title happened to be DER WILDE WILDE WESTEN (No translation needed).
**Talked to her at a convention 10 or so years ago. She seemed happy, but also slightly bewlidered, that someone not just had seen OBLIVION, but also seemed to love it as much as I did.

I watched The Avengers TV show and liked it (before the movie even). I didn’t find anything in the movie that was a complete and total betrayal of the source material. For me the biggest blunder the movie makes is that the show was built on the chemistry of it’s leads and the leads in the movie had none. Also, yeah I guess the movie was way, way stupider than the show was and adding a romantic element between the two was pointless though.

I watched The Wild Wild West TV show before seeing the movie, but my beef with the movie was that it was bad, not that it was a shit adaptation. My brother and friends rib me saying that I must secretly like WWW because I’ve viewed it so many times and bring it up so many times. In that case, there are far many worse Big-budget Hollywood movies, but I didn’t know that at the time or was willfully ignorant. So I guess see it as a kind of reverse nostalgia thing, like how guys will insist awful stuff from their childhood was good (we all have some) and tries to convince you it is good, I’m like the reverse that with WWW.

I hated WILD WILD WEST at the time, and I haven’t seen it all the way through since, but catching bits of it on TV repeatedly when ITV2 had it in constant rotation a few years ago I found it had a certain HUDSON HAWK-ish appeal in parts. I wont claim it’s actually a good movie, as I would for HAWK, but SPACE JAM is genuinely as substantive and devoid of artistry as your average corporate logo.

The director supercharged the Fast and Furious franchise and gave it global appeal. Now he's about to soup up Star Trek.

It’s a good overview of him overall. Yes it is a fluff piece but I choose to believe Space Jam 2 is something he actually wants to make. I need to believe so that I will be able to carry-on and since Lin is directing it I know I’ll probably feel the urge to go see this thing…