See, between travel and work and fun things like parties, we… kind of left the shopping thing until the last minute. But it’s fine! Because late gifts just extend the Christmas experience, right?

Too much is half speed for me

Look, late package arrivals just mean that the Christmas Season gets extended… which means I have a bona fide excuse for why we’re still playing holiday music.*

HIM: So I’ve never thought about it, but this song is dark.ME: …HIM: Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day—ME: Right. So he said, “Let’s run, and we’ll have some fun before I melt away.” One last fling before…HIM: Okay, but then they’re running here and there all around the square… right to the traffic cop.ME: (nods, nervous)HIM: And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler, “STOP!”ME: Well—HIM: He just flung himself into traffic. In front of all those kids!ME: (chews lip) … He was… getting slippy?HIM: This song is about suicide.ME: Okay, but… he’ll be back on Christmas day!HIM: (shakes head sadly)ME: … Oh.

Shit. This was meant to be funny, I swear. It wasn’t meant to be depressing at all.

Erm… how ‘bout this?

Alexander Hamilton for reference. And also because he’s usually all over whatever I’m doing.

Who wants to guess what I got Offspring for Christmas? I mean, one of the things… I got him other things that he actually asked for, but couldn’t pass up the opportunity to confuzzle him with an oddly-shaped package containing what I consider to be an ideal gift.

Please leave guesses in the comments so we can call this a Guessing Game post rather than that post where I ruined everyone’s childhood. Because I already got in trouble over the Little Piggies thing and I’m pretty sure there will be actual charges filed eventually.

HIM: (stunned) TODAY. I was TODAY years old. Why would you SAY that?!?

Not a proper bow tie, just a small bow I made (yes, I make all my bows) to suit the package.

It is still not a Toblerone, but everyone who guesses Toblerone will be visited by the Toblerone fairy. She does not reliably distribute chocolate treats, I’m afraid, but she can be counted on to tell you all about the history of this treat and lecture you on the importance of brushing your teeth right after enjoying one (which she, again, may or may not bring with her, the lazy cunt.)

Also, thank you for that about Frosty. OF COURSE he committed suicide. Wouldn’t you, if you were responsible for that ghastly piece of elevator music? As for the piggies … well, only one went to market. And one of them ate a cow, for crying out loud.