Senior Football Players At Suburban Philadelphia High School Allegedly Shoved Broomstick Up Freshman Player’s Ass

Good ol’ Central League: where legends play under the Friday night lights of Delaware and Chester County with dreams of locking down that full ride to a powerhouse program like Widener or Kutztown. Just big time, hard-nosed, slobberknocking AAAA Eastern Pennsylvania football that transforms boys into real MEN — on and off the gridiron.

Of course, it was only a matter of time before the LIBERAL AGENDA DRIVEN media and PC police would reach for anything to castrate these letterman jacket wearing alphas and spin their web of deception. Their target this time around? Conestoga High School, whose “No Gay Thursday” tradition is being dragged through the mud.

Three senior football players at a suburban Philadelphia high school have been charged with assaulting a freshman with a broom handle on what the team called “No Gay Thursday,” a prosecutor announced Friday.

Three 17-year-old students at Conestoga High School held down a 14-year-old boy on Oct. 15 and penetrated him with the broom handle while he screamed, Chester County District Attorney Tom Hogan said.

The suspects were charged as juveniles with assault, conspiracy, unlawful restraint, terroristic threats and other offenses.

They will not face sexual assault charges because the law requires a motive of sexual gratification, which was not the case here, Hogan said.

The 14-year-old was arrogant about making the varsity team, and that rankled the older players, Hogan said.

“It just happened to be a perfect storm of this ‘No Gay Thursday’ tradition and them not liking this freshman and taking it out on him in a pretty horrible way,” he told the AP.

“No Gay Thursdays” was a tradition started by the football team at least three or four years ago, in which behavior the team normally considered to be “gay” was considered “not gay” on Thursdays, Hogan said.

Older players would come up behind younger players and put their genitals atop the younger players’ heads, among other sexually explicit or suggestive acts, the prosecutor said.

Know your place, youngin’. You come in hot dogging with a “Me Not We” mentality and you’re going to ruffle some veteran feathers and get your asshole plunged with a sweeping stick. If you had just kept your head down, mouth shut, and acted like you’ve been there before, you wouldn’t have been sodomized by a Libman. Lesson learned, and you’re a better MAN for it. Ice up and be ready for practice tomorrow.

Aggressive homophobic slurs, actions, and things like “No Gay Thursday” are the building blocks for every great locker room. Nothing gets the club house chemistry going quite like putting your sack on your buddy’s unbeknownst head and then calling him a “faggot” for it. Football is a game of inches…inches that you shove in the face of limp-wrist teammates to mask your own crippling sexual insecurities. That’s just football. That’s just being a MAN..

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Dan Regester@Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to Dan@totalfratmove.com