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Texas Senate Passes “Totally Gay” Elementary Education Mandate

Reacting swiftly to Tennessee’s recent passage of a bill that bans discussion of any sexual orientation other than heterosexuality in elementary schools across the state, the Texas senate passed a law actually requiring elementary schools in Texas to teach a “totally gay” unit once per semester.

The measure was brought to the fore by Sen. Troy Fraser, who explained his reasoning at a press conference held yesterday in Austin. “Listen,” said Fraser, “I see where Tennessee is coming from on this, but I think they have it all wrong. You can’t just wish gayness away – they’re here, queer, and trying to make us used to it. Texans aren’t stupid like that Ahmadinejad moron in Iran, who claims that no homos live in his country. We know there are plenty of freaks in Texas – even outside of Austin – and our children should be aware they are out there, right out in the open.”