Narrow at the Outset

"But as we progress on this way of life and in faith ..."
The journey of a (relatively) newly professed Benedictine sister who's working hard to dispel as many nun-myths as she possibly can.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The End of the Blog

REMEMBER: All views and opinions posted on this blog are strictly that -- views and opinions of the author alone. Contents should not be seen as representative of anyone other than this single individual author.

A year and a half ago, I closed down this blog. It was a decision made for a variety of reasons, none of which seem necessary to go into at the moment. I shut down Narrow, cleared out the posts (saved them as drafts, actually), and got myself all set up in a new location. But blogging there was sporadic at best. Not that there was nothing to say, but I was unsure of how to go about it. I felt as though I had lost my voice. I worked so long and hard to develop it, to feel confident enough that YES, I had something to say and YES there were people who actually might be interested, to begin to feel the push to think more deeply than just a passing snark.

And then I wiped out the blog. The old one, the one where I made such developments.

And then I found myself faced with a dilemma.

How do I start from scratch, and ignore all that past history?

How do I write my thoughts on some event of the day, with no ability for new readers to visit the archives and see what it is that I was referring to?

I didn't really want to. I even wrote about it on the new blog, various times, as I tried so hard to dig myself out of the rut. I wanted to write, I wanted to think, to share, I wanted to reconnect with that whole blogging community that existed beyond my simple little apartment .... that community of folks with whom I had connected myself before so very-abruptly vanishing.

I missed my wider world of people. I missed the friends I now know in real life (and yet still only call by their blog names) .... in dropping out of the blog, I dropped out of their lives, and some even live right across town.

And yet ..... it seemed too hard. It seemed too hard, like too much work. I had fought so hard to break free of myself the first time around, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go through that battle again.

I've fought, for a year and a half, to create my voice from scratch. It hasn't happened. I've tried to recreate the voice I discovered here in a brand new setting .... but with none of its old friends to offer comfort in a new place, the voice has refused to appear.

This blog is still closed. Comments are still closed. But this blog is no longer gone. The voice will live on, to be seen by those who wish to visit. And the voice will continue to grow, bloom, and develop (I hope!) over at the new place. No harm, disrespect, or offense is intended in this decision; only gratitude extended for the many and varied companions on this journey.

This road has been narrow, and continues to be thus. This road has taken many twists and turns and, I imagine, will continue to do thus. I hope that I may continue on undaunted, that I may never lose sight of God's mercy.

Clothed then with faith and the performance of good works, let us set out on this way, with the Gospel for our guide, that we may deserve to see him who has called us to his kingdom.