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Hurt, trust, pain and LOVE by bitter.amber

It’s hard to be torn between being okay and not. It’s like you’re being a big-time hypocrite when you say you’re okay when in fact you’re not. You want to tell the world that “Hey! I’m not okay!” But you have no choice but to tell them that “Don’t worry, I’m okay, I’ll be okay for sure!” for the reason that you don’t want to hurt them as well.

I grew up believing that hurting other people especially those who are close to you is like hurting yourself as well. So, would you hurt people and be hurt in return? You don’t want that right? But at times, the more we avoid hurting a certain person, we can’t help but to hurt ourselves silently and the least we can do is to assure ourselves that we’re going to be okay. What sad part of world we are in. Are you sure we’re going to be okay?

More often than not, we get hurt because we fall in love. We fall in love with the right person at the wrong time, with the wrong person at the right time, with the right person at the right time but with wrong circumstances. And there’s nothing we can do but to struggle out of it, no matter how hard for us to take a move on.

Life is so complex, so vague, and so unfair. It is only fair to those people who meant to hurt others. Those who opted to be safe from hurting and chose to take a step forward has their own reasons void of its true meaning. I for one would rather hurt myself than hurt others because I know my capacity on how to move on. That person whom I’m going to hurt – I don’t know if they can cope with it whether the easy or the hard way and I’d rather not take a risk of making it hard for them in doing so. So I’ll just let go of it, even it hurts like hell. I’ll be okay. Or so I hope.

I just don’t know why it is so easy for people to hurt others without thinking of its consequences. Their impulsivity maybe, but heck, do we have to be impulsive at all times? Can’t we be sensitive with the other people around us?

We trust people because somehow, we love them – be it a lover or a friend, we give our trust to them for the very simple reason that we, in fact, TRUST them. We got hurt because sometimes, those people we trust are those who first betrayed it. We all have reasons, but we have to be sensitive with other’s reasons too.

I don’t know if I’m making sense in writing this. I don’t care if my thoughts are messy and non sense. I just want to let this out. I am hurting big time and I don’t know why. What sad part of world I am. What makes it sadder is that, I want to talk to the person who can take away all the hurt and pain that’s making me bleed inside is exactly the same person who made me experience it. It’s like a dagger that softly cuts you but leaves a deep mark that will take a long time to heal—it’s killing you softly, but you still struggle to breathe –breathe to be alive — live because you don’t want to leave that person even if that person kept on hurting you. Big time.

This is love. This is sacrifice. This is pain. Pain of being in love. Loving without being loved in return. Loving a person even if that person love somebody else. Loving with no assurance that they’ll love you back. What sad part of world I am? But even so, I’ll still stay in love with that person. This is stupidity and I am a self confessed stupid.