How Do You Discipline a Tween?

Disciplining any child can be tough. But It can be especially hard with tweens, who are known for unpredictable behavior and a tendency to act out. What are some suggestions you have for disciplining a tween?

31 Answers

By Rebekah Kennedy
- Posted on Feb 23, 2012

78

I believe that at some point you have to take away everything that is not a necessity. Kids feel they should have the phone, games systems, own tv...NOT.... I also found that IF you don't stick to your guns & your partner is not on the same playing field as you then you might as well give up, it has to be a united front. My tween (11) was recently caught in 1 heck of a lie at school, which earned her a visit by me at the school and a subsequent grounding from all of her electronics for the balance of this month (that was around Feb 7th) - she is still grounded from them, including the fact that Friday is technology day at school - oh well she won't be taking anything electronic to school....and she was assigned by her dad to write an apology letter to the principal and staff at her school....she cranked out 550 words on not only what she had done wrong, but reasons why lying is not good. I sat with her and explained that when you start playing Adult games - you get Adult reactions & punishments...
Again Stick to your guns, be up front about punishments & rewards...don't always look for the negative - it is like training a dog to a degree - reward the positive and give them a positive role model to pattern themselves after. Remember they are just trying to get a grip on anything when everything is changing...expectations, school work, and their body - hormones are bouncing around like a ping pong ball gone crazy...

30

By Tami Johnson
- commented on Feb 29, 2012

01

Electronics are the first thing to go in our house and it is amazing how fast the behavior changes and the helpfulness I receive.

By Laurel Brown
- commented on Mar 1, 2012

511

I totally agree - grounding from all electronics is top of my list of things that actually WORK, or even just taking the DSi for minor occurances. Key is that he has to EARN it/them back one at a time.

By Peggy Wohler
- commented on Mar 1, 2012

045

Electronics are the first at our house , but kids now day's know that they can do what they want. And they get to the point where taking the Wii, DS or phone don't bother. Teens are tough. Good luck, I have 10 kids from age 31yrs -7yrs and I can tell you one thing it was easier 30 years ago to be a parent than it is now. Kids don't have to be nice to us now if they don't want to. anymore they get mouthy I go the other direction and leave for a while. until they're ready to talk and be nice. I leave..

The best discipline we've found is extra work. When my son acts out, be it disrespect, outright disobedience or anything else, we pile on the chores. "I don't want to go to bed!" is met with sweeping the back patio. "Because I didn't want to." is met with cleaning the bathroom. We have also allowed our kids to pay us to do their chores for them, but we're not cheap! Cleaning my son's room costs him his PlayStation. Our kids know that if they don't want to do as they've been told, we
can find them something much more unpleasant to do instead.

23

By Shannon Martin
- commented on Mar 1, 2012

031

i love the idea of having the kids pay you to do their chores i think i am going to try that

By Trent Holden
- Posted on Feb 23, 2012

20

Stay calm and have a soft tone even when your giving some direction or redirection. When my voice sounds angry my tween mirrors it. Find time to play and laugh.

12

By Robin Trickey
- Posted on Feb 22, 2012

1150

Funny this should be brought up, as I just finished an evening of "attitude adjustment" with my 12-yr daughter. She is a really good young lady, but lately has been SUPER CRANKY (pms/hormones), not following basic rules (refusal to take showers because she "gets cold"; not brushing her teeth and getting lectured at the orthodontist) and I have to CONSTANTLY nag her about being getting up and not being late. It is ridiculous! She is a straight A honors student and is in the school musical, but lately has been pushing the limits.

After she refused to eat dinner (she didn't like what we were having) I had enough! I gathered my thoughts about what needed to change/wouldn't be tolerated and began a discussion. I sat down with her and calmly reviewed expectations. For every action (or lack thereof) there is a consequence, starting with the loss of privileges. I agree--short periods work best. I left her alone to think about it for 30 minutes or so, then offered my help to her (homework, cleaning, whatever.) We ended up working together on a detailed homework assignment!! She apologized and was so grateful for my help that we actually had some laughs by the nights end. Not saying this will work for every tween/teen. It is a start!

11

By Catherine Peters
- commented on Feb 23, 2012

113

My daughter is 12 and is going through the SAME stuff! She's in all honors classes and does well in school, except for the fact that she waits until the LAST minute to do stuff. She's also not into hygiene....like brushing her teeth and hair. I started brushing her hair so that she knows she can't leave the house all messy looking, and she does her own most of the time now. One thing that worked for me was actually sitting down with her and asking if anything was bothering her and asking if there was anything she wanted to talk about. She actually opened up and let me know a TON of things that were bugging her and now we really talk about stuff every day. Communication is key....when you can get them to listen and stop rolling their eyes.....

By Shanda Kerschner
- commented on Feb 23, 2012

524

I am so glad to know that I am not the only one going through this. My daughter is 11 and is in all honors classes as well. I was constantly on to her about not brushing her hair. I finally had enough so I had it cut super short. She now complains that people thinks she's a boy. I then began noticing how greasy her hair was all the time. I thought that maybe she wasn't washing all of the conditioner out and the fact that she was going through puberty. One day I went to give her a kiss on the top of her head and noticed that she had stuff caked up on her scalp. At that point I started bathing her and washing her hair as if she was a baby. She broke down and told me that she had just been putting the shampoo in and then just rinsing without actually scrubbing her scalp and washing her hair properly. I sat down with her once again and explained how she is becoming a young lady and that she needs to start taking more pride in her appearance. I think that it was at that moment things really began to sink in with her. Since then she's got so she is paying more attention to the way she dresses and her hygiene. Communication is definately the key, even if sometimes it takes a little bit to get there.

By Beverly Soileau
- commented on Feb 24, 2012

32

My daughter is now 13. She went from not caring about hygiene to spending a lot of time on it. We are still working on the attitude and some other things, but wanted to let you know that your daughters will probably go to the other extreme where hygiene is involved. And yes, communication is extremely important, especially letting your daughters have their turn to speak and truly listening.

By Bette Cassida
- commented on Feb 29, 2012

012

These are all very good suggestion of which I have tried many of them. Yet I'm still having difficulty with my 13 year old son. Please let me explain. We adopted both him and his sibling sister from fostercare. This was not a bad thing in and of itself. The problem came in when the court in our state divided the siblings up. He has a brother that was taken from him at age 6. The brother was almost 3 years old. He has lost so much in his life that he held dear to his heart that to lose an item does not mean that much to him. He learned early in his life how to play the system and make it work for him. He came into our home at age 4 and he was almost 10 before we were able to finalize the adoption of him and his sister. We received his sister in our home at 8 days old. She is going on 8 years old now. Alex will hide paperwork from school so we cannot sign progress reports, he refuses to do his homework, complete assignments and stay on task. He knows that in our state, he can do whatever he wants and pass the End of Grade test and move up to the next grade. He knows this because he has proved it since the 5th grade in our state. Does anyone have any workable suggestions? They would be appreciated. We have spoken to the school teachers and staff and requested that they retain him but they tell us because he passes the EOG's he can move up. HELP!

My son is 11 (Aug birthday), 5th grade. I have informed him that I will remove everything out of his room, except his bed, dresser and clothes. I will store them with a relative (they are aware of this) and he will have to earn everything back, it will be much more difficult to earn them back than it was when he got them. I am prepared to follow thru with this, if need be. This is for grades slipping, disrespecting others, back talk, etc... I believe in not spanking my child, personally, but I also believe that there are some individuals in this world that spanking is the only thing that works for them.

10

By Sue Christensen
- commented on Feb 29, 2012

012

As a teacher, I had a student whose mother did this to her. Talk about a total transformation, both in school and out! Way to go mom!

By Bethany Yarbrough
- commented on Mar 1, 2012

234

Well, just informing him of the consequence if he cont. to make the same choices has made a difference...

Im a mother of 6 kids, 3 teens and 3 preteens, my suggestion is to take a time out, when trying to deal with a teen , tween or preteen, send them to their room for a much needed moment to think. When all is calm then approach them and let them know the behaviour was inappropriate. I am a true believer in second chances, explain that this will not be tolerated a second time from them. If a second time happens remove items from them , starting with one day and work your way up. Taking favorite items away for weeks at a time does not enforce any type of point, short periods of time have better results :) good luck to us all lol

8

By Debbie England
- commented on Feb 22, 2012

23

I agree! This has worked in our family too....sometimes it takes a long time in their room for them to calmn down.but dont rush it.

By Wanda Marks
- commented on Mar 1, 2012

01

We use the bathroom instead of their rooms. Way to much to look at in their rooms...the bathroom...not so much. Then I go in (after 5-10 min.) and we have a deep discussion... If this doesn't work then electronics go for the day.

I agree with what Catherine Somerville-Stonard says. Taking priviledges is probably the best thing after they have a good understanding of what is going on. The biggest thing you have to do is be consistant. Just like when your child was two, it cannot be OK to do this today and NOT OK tomorrow.

5

By Janice Brogan
- Posted on Feb 22, 2012

322

I also have tween and I think the best advice is to make sure everyone takes a timeout. Once everyone is calm then you can have a discussion. Most of the time my tween realizes she was wrong and she apologizes and we talk about it. At this age is where you want to be able to have that much
needed communication. God Bless us all!

3

By Jakki Tee
- commented on Feb 22, 2012

73111

Janice I'm impressed with your daughter admitting fault. My daughter who's 11 NEVER "realises she was wrong" - she gets into a furious sulk that will last hours, and never never never will she admit fault. She's been like this her whole life and we often fight about the lack of remorse thing rather than the original misbehaviour. She loses things but it makes no difference. Hmmmm.

By Janice Brogan
- commented on Feb 22, 2012

322

Jakki, my daughter is also 11 and after I found out she was being bullied at school, i took her to see a counselor, to help her understand her feelings. The counselor helped her understand that she was in control of herself and how she reacts to others. She has come a long way with maturing since then. I have two older children in their 20's and I highly recommend counseling for any issues when dealing with these tough years. Good luck!

By Tifani Shelby-Estes
- commented on Feb 23, 2012

1911

My daughter just turned 13. However, she has had issues at home due to bullying at school since she was 11. She tells me some but I am sure there is more to it. I went to the principal (who done nothing) and have called the police on the other child (for trespassing on my property with a no trespassing sign and hitting my daughters dog with a stick and yes the dog was in a fence). The police said there is nothing they can do about the trespassing because she is a minor and they cant file charges against her for animal cruelty either. No wonder kids can be like they are now days. Some parents don't care nor does the schools or law enforcement. We have tried counseling and she says she will not go back. They always tell her she is fine and never teach her how to deal with the problems. My son however, 8 is bi-polar and on medication. The counselor has called the police on him once and now takes their advice on how to handle things better in their office and at home. At least one child is getting the much needed help. I am letting my daughter go to France and Spain at the end of her 8th grade year for about 2 weeks on a school trip. This will get her away from those causing problems with her (she can't even go in our own yard without problems). I am hoping this will give her some breathing room and maybe she will do better when she gets back. I hate that this other girl will be going to the same high school as my daughter. I would hate to move and uproot my children because of this but if schools and law are not going to do anything I need to move my children to safety.

This age is hard! I feel like my life has been turned upside down with my previously so obedient daughter, and especially as she has 4 younger siblings who are watching this live display of parenting "class". She is going through a lot of physical changes, so I know that is a part of it. One thing I am grateful for is that she knows we love her. It is hard to take things away when she makes bad choices, and honestly when she has no friends/phone/ tv/ computer for a week, it's hard not to feel like I'm getting punished too. However, we need her to know that some things are unacceptable, and there are consequences. Period.

If there is one thing I feel like has helped me, it is that kids need to be shown an increase of love during/ after discipline. That does NOT mean caving in and letting them get off without a consequence. But through it or after the punishment, love can be shown in many ways- one on one time, doing things together like making a dessert, playing a board or card game, reading out loud together, are examples. Hugs, kisses, and lists of good qualities and what I love about this child are other ways to show love. Helping them with their work also displays love. I think this is important- children who know they are cherished will continue to work on the relationship as you do. They will have stronger desires to obey and become confident, competent, adults.

With some kids or families, I also think therapy and a trip to the doctor can be so helpful. Sometimes people just have extra issues, sometimes through nobody's fault and sometimes because that's what life hands them. If they can use whatever tools are out there, they're more likely to overcome. With violence, I would advise for immediate intervention with the help of school counselors, family therapists, and drs.

Finally, prayer: because we all need God's help. He knows and loves that child and He knows what will help more than anyone else.

2

By Kristen McGugan
- Posted on Feb 29, 2012

013

I found that removing things from my son wasn't working as much. Now, we have started a system where we not only punish bad behavior, but reward the good. My son is 13, and we have had our issues mainly with lying, homework/schoolwork and backtalk. We have decided, even at his age, to use a chart. He gets stars for good behavior and loses stars for bad behavior. He has to "buy back" the items that he lost as punishment by earning enough stars to do so. Each item is given a star value, and we allow him to help assign the values to them, within reason. That way, he feels as though he has truly worked to earn back what he has lost. It gives him the help he needs to empower himself to make good choices, instead of trying to lie to keep himself out of trouble. He has learned the hard way that we always find out the truth and it is better to tell the truth to start out with.

2

By Denise Barrett
- commented on Mar 5, 2012

07

This is exactly, the problem we're having with our 9 year old son! We've tried grounding, verbally rewarding good behavior, etc. but nothing seems to be working and we're getting super frusterated with the situation. I think we'll give your system a try - something's gotta work eventually, right? :) Thanks, Kristen!!

By Shanda Kerschner
- Posted on Feb 23, 2012

524

I am the mother of a teenage boy and two tween girls. They are both 11, my daughter and step-daughter, two weeks apart in age. I feel that there should not be not set punishment but should be based on the child and what the childs personality, temperment and interests are. I also feel that the act for which they are being punished should be taken into consideration. My daughter is ADHD/ODD and is very loud, outgoing, energetic, disorganised and has a very short temper, she is also very defiant. My step-daughter on the other hand is very easygoing, laidback, a neatfreak, and strives to make everyone happy. One of the common things that the girls get punished for is arguing and fighting therefor the punishment is some kind of chore that forces them to work together, such as cleaning the bathroom. Something I use for my daughter is we sit down and talk and I allow her to voice her opinion on why she commited said "crime" and what her punishment should be. It makes her think about what she has done and what the punishment should be. One of the punishments she absoulutely hates the most is writing lines. It works at school, why shouldn't it work at home? I'll usually discuss what the problem is and then decide what the line should be and then depending on how mad I am at the time give a value of how many times she has to write the line, of course the line reiterates the crime and how she will not do it. An example may be if she sass-mouths my husband or I; I will respect my mom and dad and I will not back talk them. Usually the crime is not commited again for several months.

2

By Kristen McGugan
- commented on Feb 29, 2012

013

That was a punishment for me growing up, and I hated it. I will occasionally use this on my son as well. It seems that the offense will not be repeated for some time.

By Lindsey Phillips
- Posted on Mar 1, 2012

019

Go by the Goodwill and fill up the closet. This took away ALL the attitude that my son was giving me. He finally understood that we work hard so he can have nice things, so he needs to work hard at taking care of them. He has also learned that he must respect us in order to keep these things and to continue receiving them. Sometimes my son just needs to be grounded, not the sit in your room for two weeks, but reality that he cannot act this way and still get to have/do the things he wants.

1

By Paige Baptiste
- Posted on Feb 29, 2012

079

I agree with restricting privileges. I always tell her that things like games internet/TV time are not rights and they can and will be taken away. I guess she never believed I would take them away until I actually did. It took some time for her to come around but she eventually did. It worked so well that she was originally being punished for her temper and disrespectful attitude but it seems that it solved another problem as well. She is normally very resistant when it's time to get ready for school. The biggest struggle is getting her out of bed and when she finally gets up she moves soooooooo slow it's difficult to watch without getting angry. I have been battling with her for years with this and it seems that her punishment has showed her that I'm serious and her stuff/privileges can and will be taken away I also agree that communication is extremely important. She was always very comfortable opening up to me about anything and that hasn't changed except that now she lives in La La Land and she only talks about TV and books and fictional stuff. That leaves me to wonder if this is all that's important to her right now or if shes starting to hide the important stuff. What's your take moms?

1

By Erika Hood
- commented on Mar 2, 2012

237

im starting to learn that the kids need tv,phone,ipod,ds as privillege. i feel that i myself have at times found that letting her watch tv or play game keeps my home less hectic, buer t my daughter is 12 with autism n other issues she is backed up acts lke a 8ish9 yr old, and the things kids her age are doing she chids bout it immaturely...as to fam guy usually tween watches it wit out parents ok and giggles n is over the cursing n pervertedness i found my child watching n replaying the damn song 12 times in one hr laughing bout sex n violence are u serious. so the talk bout if u want to be treated like a young lady u can not be immature bout it doesnt work cuz then i outcast her. however new thing im trying she behaves n works up her chart for tv time i pick hrs when certain shows arent on and she gets mayb 2 hrs all together of tv time, half hr on comp,her cell she can have half hr in morn half hr after lunch n half hr after dinner to text or make calls after that phone is in my hands.life 360 is a free dl on cells its great to know where the kids are map it,gps it,message them through it,and it shows all the sex predators near the area. that tool every parent should have. if she doesnt do responsibilities like chores , hygene then she loses her lil free time the extreme depends on the crime commited lol! the tv was way too much for mine shes same lala land girl i think i want to push more christian stuff like youth groups,and verse a day n what it means to them, and read from bible every night cause since i stopped due to hectic wit 2 pre teens one had brain surgery from stroke and i slacked n attitudes slacked need to get right with the lord!

By Fiorella Pasquale
- Posted on Feb 28, 2012

03

Same with mine ... she just turn 13 and has been having a very ugly attitude towards me and her dad ....
She slammed her bedroom door to her dad and he took the door down .. so no privacy for her ....
I decided to give her the silent treatment and it is killing her ...
I just hope this attitude of her does not last too long ....

1

By Kristen McGugan
- commented on Feb 29, 2012

013

I grew up in a family that was very close. I realize that dealing with a 13 year old can be very difficult at times, however, I feel that while taking down the door is something that I understand, the silent treatment is not. A teenager, especially a girl, needs guidance, not silence. I know that it bothers her that you are doing that, but it is not helping her. She needs to be able to talk to her mother not be ignored by her.

By Roxanne Shust-Santone
- commented on Mar 1, 2012

022

I personally dont agree with the silent treatment. What does it accomplish? My mom used to do that to me when I was a kid when we would get into arguments...it ruined our relationship. Now my husband does that & all it does is create silence. It is no way to solve anything! Sit down & talk...even with a counselor,but your tween is looking to you for help & that is what you need to do!

By Fiorella Pasquale
- commented on Mar 1, 2012

03

Thanks for all your advices ... the silent treatment was a way of letting her know she hurt my feelings by answering back to me and being rude .. when I treat her really nice & specially since I just finished redecorating and painting her room as a surprise ....

By Wanda Marks
- commented on Mar 1, 2012

01

Please don't use the silent treatment.. Passive aggressive behavior never promotes communication and she will mirror your behavior as she grows up. Using this method in a marriage ( later in life can) destroy a relationship. Let her know how you feel in a note if verbal communication is not working. This is a more positive way to build your relationship with her. She may even write you an apology back! Respect breeds respect...

By Erika Hood
- commented on Mar 2, 2012

237

i dont aggree with silent treatment, thats when it gets worse pushing ur child away is worse thing u can do when a teen. she will resent u for it!

I recommend the books the negotiation generation and the entitlement trap. They will give you great tools!

1

By Angela Shelton
- Posted on Feb 22, 2012

569

Yes...I'm am agreeing with a lot of what has been said. Taking things away like the game systems, the cell phone and facebook will totally make them think.

1

By Leslie Wolfinger
- Posted on Feb 22, 2012

53

I have a tween that is consistantly doing (not doing) the same thing. I allow my children to have a fair amount of freedom. We live in a small community. However, I must know where they are at all times. If they change places I must have a telephone call. This child constantly moves around and no telephone call. I found out over the weekend that she wasn't where she was supposed to be due to a facebook post by the mother of where she was supposed to be. I called and confirmed that she wasn't with them and she had told the mother she was going to another child's house.

Any thoughts? Right now she is not allowed to leave our yard unless she is with an older sibling.

1

By Catherine Somerville-Stonard
- commented on Feb 22, 2012

115

Hi Leslie,
My thoughts are that you be consistent with your current grounding. Stick to it and she will eventually see that you are serious about your rules. Kids will always try to get away with things and you being on top of it shows her that she isnt going to get away with much without paying huge consequences . On top of this restriction you have now, try giving her short periods of time on her computer ,ipod , cell, or home phone, maybe allow her an hour on one of her favorite things once a day for a while until she starts to settle down a bit.....hope this helps , take care

By Erika Hood
- commented on Mar 2, 2012

237

o wow, i was that child sneaking around, lying eventually stealing, drinking,partying n sex. You need to act fast and even if she leaves with older sibling doesnt mean she cant con them to lying or blackmail i been there done it,"ill tell mom u have a boyfriend and went to 2nd base,but if u take me to so n so n tell mom im with u n when she calls dont answer n then u call me n 3way to mom so she thinks were together" yeah it happens kids are sneaky n coniving n vindictive and doesnt matter ur upbringing its environmental traits things they learn from other peers. your best bet is to not let her go anywhere unless u drive her and talk to the parents ahead of time that she is not to leave alone without u or your husband if u have one and that if she chooses to do so please contact you this will enbarass the child and make her feel young and you tell her and be persistant tell her u want to be treated as your age u need to gain back respect and trust and then maybe ill trust you!i had great upbringing but it was time of drugs n rock n roll and guidos n guidettes n burnouts and i was raised in family of one teen aunt guidette n one teen uncle burnout rocker, and i looked up to them as a child and what they did i did.i hope your kid doesnt get worse like i did this too scares me i got a 11,12yr old both female n my oldest is desperate for good friend who wont taunt her cuz shes had bully issues cuz her autism which is slight.my child would prob do anything to be in the cool crowd. scary thing us parents have to go through n its lot harder then back in day!

My attitude is "try me, MFer," but only when I need to bring the thunder. It works wonders. Parenting is supremely indulgent these days. Oh, I'm not the boss of you? Okay, let me see that gorgeous iphone 5s I got for you - a phone that's nice than mine, by the way. Fighting me on giving it up? You better not go to sleep kid, because it's going to be smashed and waiting for you on the table in the morning, so you won't be tweeting your BFFs tomorrow.

Spanking (not too hard and only with your hand) and take away fun things. I take away my sons video game rights, computer use and phone use. I also make him go to bed earlier. He is 11.

0

By Donna Jewell
- Posted on Apr 15, 2012

00

I was fed up with being disrespected, back chatted and taken for granted, do I went on strike. I did the cooking but stopped the taxi service, stopped doing the laundry, ironing etcclearing plates from the table, washing up the pans, loading the dishwasher were no longer my responsibilit. My son found it worse than having the electronics confiscated as they were sat looking at him but he had no time to play with them!!! This punishment seemed to work.....we have had a much cheerier, helpful son since

0

By Jennifer Judson Tubberville
- Posted on Apr 3, 2012

010

The only thing that works in our house is taking away the electronics...........

0

By Candice Oksenhorn
- Posted on Mar 5, 2012

08

My daughter is 12 and I too have been very frustrated about lack of hygiene, RESISTANCE, and white lies. I find when I walk her through things they get done but don't always have the time to do that. We also make an agreement with consequences on paper so there would be no room for argument. This has worked in the moment but we still have the same behaviors coming up. Any ideas on how to inspire better behavior?

0

By Debra L Greenlee
- Posted on Mar 1, 2012

00

How do you discipline a tween that is also bipolar and has ADD?

0

By Danyelle Kessler
- Posted on Feb 29, 2012

00

Revocation of priviledges starting with the least important and gradually moving up until you have stripped them of their creature comforts. I usually start off with taking away gadgets (iPod, Kindle, cell phone, TV, radio) and then priviledges like a Friday night teen activity that is held at a local church, being picked up from school as opposed to walking with friends. I never involve chores in punishments because chores are your responsibility whether you are grounded or not. Dishes, floors, her room, her bathroom are all her responsibilities. I make a rule that when grounding is in effect....I don't care what comes up under the sun. Prom, school trip, clubs, your cousin's wedding...I don't care what it is...you're not going! You and your husband/partner have to be on the same wave with this or it won't work. I've also been known to "flip out" and give her a dose of her own attitudenal, uncooperative behavior in places like Wal*mart or the mall where we might run into some of her cult followers (friends). I kind of fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants with the parenting thing.

0

By Garnet Cox
- Posted on Feb 28, 2012

05

My husband and I have literally removed EVERYTHING from our son's room...he had a TV, a game console, cool wall track hot wheels things, all kinds of toys, all that jazz...we left him with his clothes, bed/bedding and that's it. He's 10, will be 11 in June and he takes his punishments rather stoically, improves where he needs to improve, and we don't have any more problems with that particular issue.

Our daughter (just turned 9) is another story entirely...she is prone to screaming fits that drive us insane, severe back talk, even occasional hitting...we've tried everything with her that we've done with our son and nothing works, I don't understand.

0

By Carrie White
- commented on Mar 1, 2012

00

My son is the same way. We have a daughter who is 12 and gets the reason for her punishment the 1st time...our son doesn't. He can get a spanking for lying or TV time taken away today and by tomorrow we are back to doing it all over again. The difference I have noticed is my son he is so busy being mad at me for taking something away or spanking him it never registers with him why he got in trouble to start with. Although, he was diagnosed with ADHD just a few months ago so, this is all new territory for the entire family... my point is I have found that if I make him go to his room and have his time then I make him tell me why he thinks he got in trouble. Sometimes he is right sometimes he doesn't quite get it so I explain why he is being punished. Seems to have helped some. :)

By Evelyn Wiberg
- Posted on Feb 23, 2012

28

I have a 13 year old that has become extremely violent. I've tried everything that is suggested below and nothing works. If you try to correct him he just gets worse, send him to his room and he'll keep the fight going, ignore him and he just keeps pushing, spank him he swings back. I don't want to ship him off to military school but I'm at the end of my rope with him. This child I love with all my heart is single handedly killing me, my husband, and our marriage. His sister also sees what he's doing and tries to talk to him about it but all that does is get her hurt. I've tried to contat the cops but they try to stay out of it until there is physical evidence, like one of us getting bruises from him hitting, but anytime I get a new bruise they suspect my husband because of his stature. At this point the only thing I can think to do is pray it calms down on it's own and let him have his way all the time

0

By Janice Brogan
- commented on Feb 23, 2012

322

Definitely pray about this, however giving him his way is not the answer. There must be a reason he is so angry. I definitely suggest some kind of intervention before he gets to the age that it will put him in jail when he has these out burst. I would talk to his pediatrician and see if there is a medical reason for his behavior, including drug testing. Good luck and God Bless.

By Bonnie Minier
- commented on Feb 29, 2012

09

Evelyn , My heart goes out to you. The fear of the adult needs to be put back into your son. 13 is so hard because their brain is not attached to any part of his body. He is struggling with the change in his body and his whole world changing.
When he is calm discuss what would be an alterative to him being abusive. Start with a seen of a mother being abused and bruised from her son. Tell him about this story ask him how he feels about the story. When he expresses how wrong that is then open his eyes by showing him a bruise he recently gave you. Cry a minute together then give him healthy ideas how to express his extreme anger elsewhere and not on you or himself. Punching bag or a huge pillow up against a chair.
Start the conversation when he is calm and happy.
I am praying for you and your son, Evelyn.

I have 12 year old son who has a real problem with listening! He has seen several counselors so far and right now he is seeing one from SAS for 90 days to try and help him. I had to admit him to Methodist hospital in our area because he decided to get mad one night and stab his stuffed animal he has had since he was a little boy several times and it scared me to death! I was scared to sleep for several nights! I don't believe he would hurt us, but he did admit he had fleeting thoughts about hurting his step-father. So we admitted him over at the hospital and after a week, they felt it was safe for him to go home, but he needed more counseling and they put him on anti-anxiety medication. He takes that every day! Even after this counseling, I see some improvement, but he still has lots of problems with listening. He wants to debate everything! I can send him to his room to calm down, but then he won't stop there. He will continue to debate until I get so angry. I have learned to stay calm and not argue with him, but it's very difficult at times. I guess i just want him to grow out of this! He has been acting like this for year! I know part of it is that his natural Father isn't being the Father he should. Recently he took another job, flying to Las Angeles on Sunday and returning on Thursday's. There are has already been two weekends he has not been able to see him. I have learned I cannot change his Father, but it just kills me inside because I guess I figured no matter what happened between his Father and I, that they would always be close!

0

By Donna Marie Johnson
- Posted on Feb 22, 2012

1053

I agree with all of you that communication is key. At this stage my 10 year old girl needs those talks. Sometimes she gets in trouble over just misunderstanding, but sometimes she's just being rebellious ... those are time out and take away times.

0

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.