Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
He loves me and I love you
Therefore, vicariously, he loves you
Even if you're a Jew
Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
But if you eat fibers on Christmas Eve
He might come to your town

We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of gay
Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Small and brown, he comes from you
Sit on the toilet and here he comes
Squeezed between your festive buns
A present from down below
Spreading joy with a "howdy ho"
He knows the love inside of you
Cause he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's nutty sometimes he corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve
He might come to your town

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
he loves me, I love you
therefore vicariously he loves you
(Kid)"I can make a Mr. Hankey too"

(Mr, Hanky) "I'm Mr Hankey, the Chrstmas Poo
Seasons Greetings, I love you
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away
Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
'howdy ho ho, yum yum yum'
Christmas time has come."

(Kids) Sometimes he's runny, sometimes he's firm
sometimes he's practically water
(man) Sometimes he hangs on the end of your ass and he won't fall in the toilet, cause he's just clinging to your sphincter, so you gotta shake your ass around and try to drop it in the toilet and finally it does.

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Christmas leaves, he must leave too
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and spirit lingers on.