And here I was thinking the lighting they employ at ABC for Diane Sawyer was good. Whatever they use on Ellen’s (dogshit unfunny) show isn’t lighting…fuck man, that stuff’s magic! Oh wait, that isn’t Ellen, it’s Gary Oldman in “Dracula”.

“I tell ya, sonny, back in my day there weren’t no such things as les-bee-yuns, no sir! Why if a girl got to thinkin’ some strange thoughts, it weren’t nothin’ a quick marriage and birthin’ a few babies wouldn’t fix. Nowadays the whole country’s goin’ t’hell, you mark my words.”