Nov. 15th, 2007 03:04 am: Time For Change

I had a good day today. Mostly because I made it so. Woke up with a good attitude, decided to make some changes after I cried myself to sleep last night in a very emo woe-is-me mood. Last week I turned 23 and a lot has happened since then. A lot. Ultimately, I decided that I didn't like whom I have become over the last couple of years (even though its roots go back further).

To this end, I have deleted my Myspace. *gasp* Yep, I forfeited my low user id of merely 202118 and my easily remembered myspace.com/wybenga url in the name of bettering myself. I'm tired of trying to keep in touch with hundreds of loose friends while distancing myself from my close friends. I have also done away with my Facebook, I never really used it anyways. I'm tired of living my life on the internet.

I'm renewing my focus on family and true friends. I'm done being the one that always forgets birthdays and anniversaries, or remembering and being too busy to make a call or sign a card. My family has been there for me, I want to start being there for them. I'm tired of being a dissappointment.

I've always controlled the flow of information concerning myself, giving tidbits and facts here and there as I see fit. Because of it noone really knows me or only knows one side of me. Because of it I feel utterly alone. It sucks feeling so desolate in a crowded room. It will take some time to build the courage (because I am anything but courageous) but I want to eventually make a list of all the major lies I've told about myself. A list of clarity. I know some people will never talk to me again afterwards, and rightly so, but I feel it is something I need to do for myself. We'll see if it ever happens.

Since LiveJournal is going to be my main presence online, I want to go back and fix my layout, finish a project for once. Fill out my bio. Most posts will be public, a few friends-only depending on content. As for private posts, well, those are private.

Lastly, I'm tired of starting things and not finishing them. This will not be another one of those things.