Greeting my smile at the bottom of the ocean, therefore unconcerned with flotation or undertow. Wakeful waves — only the chatter of the depths.

Friday evening — Feast celebration for Trungpa Rinpoche‘s Parinirvana. Sadhana of Mahamudra. In the middle of the triple HUM recitation — the space of rainbow magic manifest — the Sakyong and the choir of Acharyas, appeared. We created an isle, parted the sea. Rinpoche came in and prostrated three times to the large Buddha, which contains his father‘s skull relic, and a picture of the Vidyadhara on the shrine along with many offerings.

He gazed at the picture, whispered blessings, and tossed a khata into the seated Buddha’s opened palm (perfect shot).

He offered amrita from a skull cup to each one of us. Then, out front, he said some words about the preciousness of us all being gathered at the Great Stupa for this occasion. Then, we sang the Anthem and circumambulated.

After the feast, chants, and a video of Trungpa Rinpoche giving a talk at Naropa in 1976. Then, old-timers shared stories.

~~~

Saturday, a day of catching up with Heather. Since the move it’s been so scattered. Lots of time together. Felt great, healthy. Anyway…

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Sunday morning, a talk from the Sakyong to the staff. Beautiful.

In the evening, dinner in the shrine room, because we’re re-painting our dining hall. Joshua and Greg (old dogs) telling us about consorts and yabyum deities (because we asked like curious children). Mystical things in a fun tone.

~~~

Being around the Sakyong and Acharyas… Feels warm, big. Glad to be a part of it. Yesterday, before Rinpoche left the land, I was speaking with Acharya Lobel. He expressed to me what a powerful retreat it was for all of them. That they were grateful for the staff holding the space so well, and that, inside, they were blown away by the teachings.

It’s great to hear that. I’m glad to be contributing. And, hearing reports of what’s going on “inside” keeps me brimming with curiosity and longing.

It’s fun. It’s an adventure. How to get to the next point? Clues and questions. Magical encounters. Synchronicity…

So much synchronicity while they were all here. Like, whatever was going on in that shrine room was affecting everything else. The waves extending and stirring things into blissful who-knows-what. Music.

– April 7, 2014

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Travis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community.

I walked along a dirt trail, beside Rinpoche, holding a white umbrella over his head to shield him from the sun.

A feeling of cosmic friendship, preciousness, gratitude.

Earlier in the morning I held a tray for him while he made tea offerings, after returning from his morning run, still catching his breath and sweating.

The core teachers of the Shambhala Buddhist mandala are here: The Sakyong, Ani Pema, the Acharyas, the Kalapa Council. It’s powerful, enchanting.

The teachings that are occurring here these days are new. There is a sense of quiet explosiveness. It’s tangible. There is a glow.

After one teaching session yesterday, the Sakyong ran joyfully from the shrine hall back to his quarters, his escorts had to keep up.

It’s awesome to be here for this.

A couple of years ago, my first week at Shambhala Mountain Center, the annual Acharya retreat was happening. I was mystified. So beautiful. The first time I saw Rinpoche, he was being escorted down the stairs by someone holding a white umbrella.

Now, the wheel has turned a couple of times, and I’m holding the umbrella. Where will I end up, and up, as the wheel turns and turns? How long will I be on the planet before I die?

I like the direction things are going. I hope to live a long life to allow for more and more blossoming.

And of course… this is it. Maybe I will live long enough to become a close student of Rinpoche, perhaps I will be an Acharya. Or, maybe I will die sooner than that. Today, I am in a very fortunate position. My dedication to the dharma has brought me here. I wish to honor that and not let my dedication wane. I wish to offer more and more, to become more and more sane and helpful to others, and to generally delve deeper and wholeheartedly into the dharma.

May I relate to all the flickering conditions of my life as dharmas, and know the entirety of my life to be the path of awakenment. May I not take my good fortune for granted. May I not seek refuge from fear and discomfort in conditional situations, but rather, take genuine refuge in the three jewels, again and again.

~~~

“This time, practice the main points”

“‘This time’ refers to this lifetime. You have wasted many lives in the past, and in the future you may not have the opportunity to practice. But now, as a human being who has heard the dharma, you do. So without wasting any more time, you should practice the main points.” — Vidyadhara, the Venerable Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

— April 3, 2014

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Travis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream that her and I were walking around the land together. At some point, we were gazing into each other’s eyes and she said something like:

“We have karma like we’ve kissed before.”

Like, in a past life, we were honey-buddies.

A couple of days ago, when I first saw her, as we were crossing paths in our dining hall, we exchanged bows.

I wish that I may say to her, somehow: “Thank you.”

Who on this planet has been more helpful to me than her? I don’t know. And I’ve never exchanged words with her.

I saw her on a street corner in Boulder once. And now I’m seeing her, in little glimpses, here. On my way to my office this morning, I was watching her walk up the steps to the shrine room, from a distance. She stopped and turned around, looked back at me. I bowed and walked away. I felt embarrassed. A few minutes ago, walking, I saw her on a trail up ahead. She turned to walk in my direction. I became fluttery. I smiled and waved like a goofball while we passed each other. She smiled and waved back. Ahh… Hopeless..

Yesterday was April Fools Day. Throughout the afternoon, people brought me love notes from Pema to me (created by Heather, who I told about the dream as soon as I awoke, and who has seen me swooning for the past couple of days).

It’s a funny little crush that I have on that amazing little nun.

– April 2, 2014

~~~

Travis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community.

Pony kicking around in a big pool of honey,
undisturbed, and trapped–in its own dream, sweet.

NO BIG DEAL

Last night we began a course called Joy in Everyday Life with David Cushman. He sat in a chair like he was in his den–with slippers and a glass of diet root beer, which he says, again and again, “is actually quite delicious, taste-wise.” He gave a great talk, and it cracked me up more than once. I know the guy. We’re pretty close. We’re friends. And, he’s a great, experienced teacher. He was a student of Trungpa Rinpoche. He’s been around for a good while–deep practitioner. Lots of wisdom. And a total, loveable, goofball. Cushman makes dharma fun, and he is also not full of shit–maybe a bit crazy. Good-crazy. These are my opinions. I’m glad to be taking this course with a group of friends, lead by a friend. It’s a good scene.

The other night, Heather and I read aloud from a Pema Chödrön book–a book we’re to study for the course: The Places That Scare You. It’s a good scene. We read about the contrast between being cozy in a nest of predictability and leaping into the unknown. We agreed that we like both.

~~~

Travis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community.

“One evening Milarepa returned to his cave after gathering firewood, only to find it filled with demons. They were cooking his food, reading his books, sleeping in his bed. They had taken over the joint. He knew about nonduality of self and other, but he still didn’t quite know how to get these guys out of his cave. Even though he had the sense that they were just a projection of his own mind—all the unwanted parts of himself—he didn’t know how to get rid of them. So first he taught them the dharma. He sat on this seat that was higher than they were and said things to them about how we are all one. He talked about compassion and shunyata and how poison is medicine. Nothing happened. The demons were still there. Then he lost his patience and got angry and ran at them. They just laughed at him. Finally, he gave up and just sat down on the floor, saying, “I’m not going away and it looks like you’re not either, so let’s just live here together.” At that point, all of them left except one. Milarepa said, “Oh, this one is particularly vicious.” (We all know that one. Sometimes we have lots of them like that. Sometimes we feel that’s all we’ve got.) He didn’t know what to do, so he surrendered himself even further. He walked over and put himself right into the mouth of the demon and said, “Just eat me up if you want to.” Then that demon left too.”