Pages

Saturday, December 20, 2014

I may have briefly mentioned some of Beans violent meltdowns lately. I tend not to share a lot of the personal day to day happenings that I think may reflect negatively on my kids. Not because I think one should never talk about autism in a negative light, but because I feel there needs to be a limit to how much of my children's stories I share with the public.

Anyway, back to my point... He has been having pretty severe meltdowns several times a day that have been leaving the whole house exhausted. Obviously, the meds he was taking were no longer helping, so I took him off of them. His mood improved overall, but the meltdowns did not cease, even a little.

When I took him to the doctor about it the first question was if I wanted to try more meds.

That is never the right first question when dealing with a nonverbal autistic child. Really, any autistic child, but especially not one who is extremely limited in communication.

I asked if his lab work we had done several days ago was back. It was, but not even really considered. I had to ask for the lab to be done, and for it to be read.

Turned out his blood sugar levels were a little low, and his thyroid was high.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

So, you want to buy your kid's, or family a pet for Christmas? It seems like a great idea for the best gift ever for your kids. What child doesn't think getting a puppy is like the best gift ever?

But, wait..... First let's consider a few things.

First off I will address the fact that many consider giving a living animal as a gift to your child cheapens the value of the animal being a living thing, and reduces him/her to a toy. I see that point, and agree, but hear me out. There is no such thing as a free animal from rescue, or from anywhere. They all have fees associated with them, and require immunizations, and other things. Even a rescue dog is likely to cost upwards of a couple hundred by the time all is said, and done depending on the fees at your local shelter. For a lot of us that money needs to come from somewhere, so the gift fund is often where it comes from. The same as this year Christmas in our household is a little short (okay a lot) due to our dog getting sick, and requiring a lot of very expensive vet care. The money had to come from somewhere, so it came out of our Christmas budget. Merry Christmas to us. We still have a healthy dog.

Now that I've got that out of the way let's get back to the main point. Picking out a pet.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Today is my birthday. This last week I have been thinking back on my life, and how things are. I have a hard time believing that I am 36. It doesn't feel possible. When I was younger I always felt so mature for my age, but now as I age I feel my internal clock is moving in reverse. I feel like I am still in my twenties, and the 90's were just 10 years ago.

I was thinking about the things I like about my life, and the winding path that has taken me to where I am. I was also thinking about the things I am tired of, and done with. Things that I said I wanted to change a long time ago, but realized I never bothered with. I began to compile a mental list in my mind about these things. Things I felt I was too old for, or done with.

I'm too old to keep being the victim. I know this one seems to be a bit strange to say, but hear me out. We've all had bad things happen to us. A lot of the things that happen to us when young is not our fault. We have no say in what kind of family we're born into. We have no say over a lot of the most painful of life's circumstances. They happen to us no matter who we are. We're all going to experience the loss of a loved one at some point in our lives, for example. However, there are so many things we do have control over. These are the situations that I am talking about when I say that I am too old to keep playing the part of the victim. I think what often happens is that many of us that came from dysfunctional families where we were not accepted, or cared for tend to subconsciously seek that pattern in other relationships. This is not to say that we want to keep feeling bad, but we are used to it. It's comfortable. It's the role we know, so we play it. I know this has been the case for me. I don't like being rejected, or never having my needs considered by others, yet it keeps happening in so many of my relationships. Somehow, I keep seeking this role out, hating it all the way.

I'm done with it.

I need to actively seek to better my life, and not blame others for my own problems. If I don't have enough help, or enough affection, or enough anything I need to problem solve on how to resolve this. I can't keep just expecting others to meet my needs without me being active in putting the process in place.

With that being said.....

I'm too old to be giving myself away. This one goes with the victim role I was talking about above. I'm getting too old to keep getting into the role of people pleaser. I am getting too old to waste time on people that are only there to take advantage of me. I can't keep being taken by the same type of people, and expect my life to not feel drained.