5-Minute Orgasm, For Ladies

For the purposes of this article, we will assume, that because 90% of women are straight, that you are, too. However, if you have a girlfriend, then please forgive me and simply apply what I say about "your man" to your woman. It's just easier than keeping on saying "he or she" and all that.

So, what's the point of this article? Well, most guys can wank in about a minute. Most of us ladies need a little more time than that. Like Jeff Foxworthy once said, women are like diesel engines. It takes us time to get going, but once we're running we can go a LONG time. This technique will get you off fast, so you know you're not left waiting several hours until your not-in-the-mood man's asleep before you can get some relief. Here's the scenario:

Your man just called. He had a shitty day at work, and he's all pissed off. He is so grumpy that all he does is grump at you, and you try to placate him with soothing words and promises of a peaceful homecoming as you gently end the call.

Meanwhile, before he'd called, you'd been thinking about what sexy lingerie you should have on for him when he gets home. You have on his favorite heels and everything, and you've even cooked his favorite meal. Your pussy is moist and your nipples are tingling. You imagine his lips brushing the side of your neck, and you get sweet little shivers. No doubt about it, you are really horny!

He said he'd be home in less than ten minutes, depending on traffic.

Well, crap, what's a girl to do?

You need the five-minute orgasm!

This will not work for every woman, because every woman is different. This is only a suggestion of one way to do this. Please, use your imagination and feel free to experiment!

First things first, you sexy thang, get changed into sweats or something so he doesn't realize what you've been doing! The last thing you need is him whining about feeling pressured for sex when he's so stressed out.

Next, head to the bathroom, get as undressed as you like, folding any such clothes and setting them on the counter so they don't wrinkle, and sit on the toilet. Make sure the fan is on and the door is closed and locked. If he arrives early or something, he'll think you're up to some serious bathroom reading and won't bother you for a little while. Relax. Take care of any outstanding potty business if you have to, and then sensuously wash yourself off from the nearby sink for about thirty seconds. Don't bother with toilet paper if you only peed; T.P. will dry you up. Let the warm water mix with your juices and cleanse you.

After that, run your fingers up and down your entire genital area, feeling your slightly hardening clitoris start to spring to life, and then move down to your slit. Feel around your outer and inner lips. Reach down further and feel your ass, running a fingertip over your tight opening back there, letting the moisture from the water mixed with your own wetness dampen the area.

If you like a little breast play, it's of course perfectly wonderful to unclasp your bra and feel your nipples, too, enjoying the weight of your breasts in your hands. If you are able, you may also want to take this opportunity to lift your breast to your mouth, flicking your nipple with your tongue, imagining your man doing the same to your nipple or your clitoris. Repeat on the other side. Don't linger too long, pleasurable as it is, or you won't make your deadline!

By now only a couple of minutes have passed, but you're hotter than ever. It's time to let those fingers do the walking. This will require a wee bit of coordination, but once you get the hang of it, it is so easy and intense; you'll wonder why you never did it before.

Take one hand (left is usually easier for the righties out there) and slip those fingers down to your slit and push in two fingers, nice and deep, until you feel a rough patch about the size of a quarter towards the front. Notice how great it feels when you wiggle your fingers up against it and how your clit jumps out when you push on it. That would be your G-spot!

Next, take your ring finger or pinkie of the same hand, and this is completely optional, but completely worth it in my opinion, and push gently against your tighter hole. It should let you right in, and you want to *just* slip in there. You won't try to penetrate to the inner sphincter, so don't worry about pain. This shouldn't hurt!

With your other hand, gather a wad of saliva from your mouth (saliva is the best feeling lubricant for this!) and slide your fingers over your clitoris, stroking gently, alternating with wiggling your fingers against your G-spot. You should also notice a delightful little tingle in your ass hole, too, even if you don't move your finger in there consciously.

Continue to alternate movements until you build momentum enough to do it all at once, and then go to town! About thirty seconds into the "doing it all at once" phase, you should be cumming about as hard as you ever have in your whole life, if not harder.

When you cum, you will likely notice that your pinkie or ring finger is driven deeper into your ass and your two fingers in your love hole are jammed in as deep as they can go while they wiggle against your G-spot, and the fingers on your clit are just moving as fast as they can to keep up with your gasping breaths and bitten lips as you hear your man walk through the door.

Congratulations, you made it! Now wash up and get your clothes back on! Your man needs a little coddling and a fantastic dinner to sooth his nerves. And who knows, maybe he'll change his mind about not being in the mood.