In news that almost made me regret slamming her performance of Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” earlier this week, I have learned that American Idol season 9 contestant Siobhan Magnus’ uncle used to be in Stryper! This makes me so happy, it’s unbelievable. No, I’m not joking. To Hell With the Devil was one of my first three or four rock cassettes. (Sing “Calling on You,” Siobhan!)

My investigative journalism on this subject turned up another factoid or two. Did you know that…

I do not yet know what all of this means. In an effort to figure it out, I assembled this handy diagram to show the connections between Idol and Stryper. Whatever it is that’s going on here, I think it’s reasonably safe to conclude that Randy “The Emperor” Jackson is the epicenter–the Stryper Svengali. For good or for ill, I know not.

I shall investigate further.

Figure 1: The Idol-Stryper connection

And, yes. This is the sort of hard-hitting investigative journalism you’ve come to expect from Idolpundit On Deaf Ears.