A Good List, Round Three-Point-One

June 6, 2012

So, I’d written a “Good List, Round Three” last week and never published it because of what was stated in the last two posts. Basically, I’m still a rubber ball bouncing down that cobbled-stone road. Hopefully the road levels off soon, but it looks like one of those mountainous roads in Colombia.

Anywho, here’s a “Good List” 3.1. It’s short and sweet.

Numero 36

I got “The Buddha and the Borderline” by Kiera Van Gelder in the mail yesterday. Thanks to Zen for recommending it. I asked my brother if he could order it from me from Amazon since I no longer have a bank account and that I would pay him back since I got paid for that photo restoration of that military looking guy. Well, he just offered to give it to me and I’ve been carrying it around since yesterday along with “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David D. Burns, M.D.. That book was actually a gift from my Ex-Young Therapist. I’ll talk about that Burns fella sometime.

Numero 37

I got to go in for an unscheduled thirty minute therapy session with New Male Therapist. I had called her to ask about any updates on the DBT group and she said she’d look into why they’re taking so long to get in touch with me. She also said that coincidentally her 2:30 cancelled so I went in. I told her I had three leads for therapists and that if all works out, I may be going back to the university since I had my intake phone session last Thursday. I was honest to her about what I’ve been dealing with these past weeks since I last spoke with her on the phone (didn’t tell her about the little cutting incident though). I did discussed options for inpatient. She was very good about informing me. The community/general hospital would basically take an evaluation of me at the ER and put me on a 24 hour observation deal, ughhh, and then decide if I need to be committed. It all sounds really blegh to me, but it was discussed and discussing it made me feel better or less indecisive. I don’t know. Texas is very underfunded in these things, so umm… this is a good list… let’s move on.

Numero 38

I got a call from Mansie today. She said I got the job…er internship job! I’m so excited but I still feel like clicking a gat to my head. But let’s just focus on the good thing, which is I got it! And Mansie will be my supervisor and though I will not get into the details of it (sssssht!), I will say that there will be no problem with my immigration status or lack thereof, for the time being. It’s stipend pay and since I’m an intern, I won’t be on payroll. I start next week on whichever day I’d like to come in they said.

Numero 39

The Bill Collector Mafia sent a death threat this week, only it wasn’t threatening my death! They’ll hit me where it hurts! My little Luna. Yep, they said, they’d take her hostage if I don’t pay up. The good thing about this you ask? Well, I didn’t freak out. I didn’t have another one of those pesky and painful panic attacks I’ve been having lately. I told Luna I loved her and that I wouldn’t let that Bill Collector Mafia get their hands on her. I told her that now that I have a “job”, I can probably figure things out.

Numero 40

I feel some funny juices stirring. I think I may be able to be funny again. All this crying has me drained, but I’m hopeful of that much.

Why don’t males pose like males? What the fuck? ugggh. Fail kid. FAIL. The one before that one made me laugh though: “i dont give a damn what you think i do this for me so fuck the world”. Yep, you said it how it is. Damn straight kid. And another hairy Hulk search? I’m not even going to comment. Woops, just did.

addendum 2: Anyone get to see Venus? I sure as hell didn’t. I had to go online today to see Venus. Yesterday, I went outside and there were too many trees in the way. I’d gone to get the mail and found my book was there (read above!), and on my way back, I poked holes on those mailer advertisement mags, put on my fly aviator glasses and just stood there for about fifteen minutes like an idiot trying to find little Venus. Little Luna was next to me huffing and puffing but Little Venus was hiding behind leaves, just messing with me while two kids on bikes stared at me like I was crazy. hahah. Little do they know. Little do they know…

I wanted to see Venus however I missed it. We were suppoosed to get great sights from our latitute (61N). I also missed the semi-eclipse…Im such a loser loool. we dont have nights anymore, just day light and twilight.
I am glad you got that internship. hurray!!!

I hope it’s working out for you at McLean, Jill. It is a learning experience. I’d have gone inpatient by now if the state hospital wasn’t so scary. Back in February, when I was still seeing Ex-Young Therapist, she was trying to get me to do a “hope box” but instead I started a “good list” here on WordPress. hehe. I figured I’d try and refocus a little on the positive since you know we can have such black and white thinking. I still feel like I’m on edge everyday. 😦

The job has been a blessing even though the pay is next to nothing. I get to work in something I like. The immigration issue is a factor but since my supervisor is my friend and I’m technically just an “intern” not on payroll, it shouldn’t be a problem with the government. I still get worries that I’ll get them in trouble or be raided. lol.

Little Luna is the greatest little thing ever! She’s my parent’s little pomeranian; she’s been a savior! I’m her favorite human in the house and my mom said I could have her if I ever get a chance to move out and whatnot (ha, who knows when that’ll be).