The pitch: An Oscar- winning producer, now in a precipitous slump and about to be evicted from his nephew's pool house, meets a mysterious guy at a Debtors' Anonymous meeting who offers to cut him in on a surefire TV mega-hit.

The catch: The producer, who's been all but forgotten by the industry, must persuade the super-secret American Broadcasting Co. development division's ``extreme reality'' honchos to cough up the bucks to send him and his shady partner to Central Asia to make a reality show about a warlord and his family. Think ``The Sopranos Meet the Osbournes,'' but with real guns.

The writer: Lefcourt, a Los Angeles author of six other novels, has won awards for film and TV writing -- the perfect resume for this sharp sendup of the movie biz, the reality show craze, American foreign policy gaffes and the camel-shootin', rootin'-tootin' lifestyles of the rich and infamous of the steppes. His mastery of insider lingo, dead-on dialogue and ability to keep the plot galloping is awesome.

The star: Charlie Berns -- the producer whose only project now is kiting checks, credit card charges and ATM withdrawals. He's desperate for work and has the savvy to get the deal rolling.

The supporting players: Kermit Fenster (or Vernon Gough or Keith Keller -- he has a satchelful of pseudonyms), an apparent lunatic who says he's an ex-CIA guy. One thing for sure: He has solid connections in ``the stans'' -- Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Karakalpakstan, etc.

Buzz Bowden -- a Peace Corps dropout who's now in the ``exotic pharmaceutical business'' -- he moves more hash than Mary Kitchen -- and a natural at writing screenplays.

Norman Hudris -- a hypochondriac ABCD executive. He gets ``Warlord'' green-lighted, though he's far more interested in scheduling another biopsy.

Howard Draper -- Norman's boss, who has perfected the art of never being held accountable for any decision, in case it turns out to be a bad one. They meet only at an obscure Greek restaurant and speak in code.

Brad Emprin -- the sleazy agent (forgive the redundancy) who reluctantly agrees to represent Charlie and grabs the glory when ``Warlord'' is a smash hit.

Jodie Jacobian -- an agent who lusts for Brad's two-window office and is willing to ``ride the inverted Exercycle'' with Norman if it might advance her career.

Izbul Kharkov -- the Uzbek warlord, who smuggles, shoots and steals his way to power and holes up in Turkmenistan to avoid the Uzbek military. A big ``Sopranos'' fan, he loves to say ``bada bink'' and is always threatening to ``cut new one'' for his enemies. His favorite occupation: ``droppink trow'' to compare, um, weapon size with visitors.

The Kharkov clan -- elder son Utkar, who is a Taliban-wannabe; younger son Akbar, deeply into teenage lust; and daughter Ferghana, who's into Ellen Degeneres and Madonna. Their mysterious mother is Ishrat Khana, who never leaves her room. Not to mention Grushenka, Izbul's live-in Ukrainian tootsie and Nadira Beg, a bipolar Uzbek hooker, who ...oh, never mind.

The film crew -- Szczdryzk, a Polish filmmaker and his camerawoman, Justyna, who has the hots for Ferghana. And a gofer named Ghofur.

The bottom line: With a cast this colorful, you can only imagine how convoluted the plot gets. Suffice it to say that ``Warlord'' gets made, ratings records get broken and, after ``Entertainment Tonight'' and the U.S. government get into the act, careers go up in smoke.

We learn there is more spying, stealth and secrecy in the entertainment industry than the CIA, and it may be more dangerous to be a film producer than a warlord. And we come away hoping another adventure in movie mania featuring Charlie Berns will spring from Lefcourt's hyperactive imagination, and soon.