A humorous look at how a woman perseveres amidst a life that intrudes on the dream.

Thursday

...consumption

To me,A house of order, a house of peace … Is that even attainable in my day and age? Today, I exceeded the recommended weight limit, broke the law of averages and worst of all, I’ve ignored the daily recommendations of fiber—all of which promise safety, reliability and a healthier colon. What next? T.

When I sit down to write, I get instant, immediate relief like that antacid commercial, (but unmedicated.) I just relax in my chair in a lotus position and chant my little two or three syllable M&M’s--mommy mantra[1] (anything that alludes to the promise of grown children), and I feel an immediate release as I sink into the oblivion of writing.

These mantras are trite phrases that I can repeat over and over in moments of stress to calm myself and return to reality. I use the tried and true--phrases like, “Life’s not fair, ” “I told you so,” “I’m the Mom that’s why,” and although my newest one is lengthy, it’s become one of my new personal favorites, “Life doesn’t have to make sense and therefore neither do I.”

It’s reassuring to find that in times of extreme duress, these perfect comebacks are creamy, yet satisfying and they don’t melt all over your hands.

To Me:Is it relief or exhaustion I’m feeling? Who knows, and who cares. Whichever it is, it works. I chant and everyone thinks I’m a swami or a salami? T.

The added relaxation of writing pushes my stress level to maximum and reminds me that for complete rejuvenation, I must spend a moment of each day meditating in total comfort and reflection—seeking inspiration and pondering the beauties and purpose of life.

Another stress relieving technique—aromatherapy— comes very highly recommended. The process involves lighting a candle, sprinkling fragrant pillow potpourri and smoothing on lotions and potions to release tension and increase redolent reflection.[2] If I had time to do all that, would I be stressed?

Dear me,I’m combining calming yoga positions with other activities. Downward dog works well while toilet brushing, and I sit in lotus while I slide about dusting the floor with my bottom.However, writing while in sun salutation is too much of a challenge, and after accidentally testing a selection of yoga positions, I find I sleep best in corpse.Striving to keep the knickers from twisting, T.

I’m driven by the race toward greater efficiency. I must multitask, or I waste time …but with yoga? Am I missing the point?

[1] All M&M’s are not candy coated, although chocolate still holds the #1 place when I’m desperate for self-meds.[2] Certainly more pleasantly scented than Chapter 11’s opening. Wait for it. It’s not worth skipping ahead.