This is your weekend assignment. Because who has the time during the week to spend an hour on this, even though it’s 60 minutes of pure amazingness?

The Hollywood Reporter Actors’ Roundtable is embedded below. Enjoy it, maybe over breakfast on Sunday, really savour the experience. I broke it up into two parts on Wednesday night during my playlist making, loved it, but wonder if I would have even more if I hadn’t paused.

These are the six actors many consider to have delivered the finest performances this year in lead roles, and one of them will win the Oscar. In other words, six narcissists of varying degrees at the same table talking about their “art”.

Please.There’s so much gold. And a lot of quiver too, yes, but mostly gold.

Colin Firth and Mark Ruffalo are the most honest, the most candid, the most... grounded. When they recall their most humbling moments, you believe it to more than just lip service, you believe that these experiences shaped them, made them grateful. Too few of the privileged remember to be grateful. And I mean truly grateful. Not pretend-grateful like it’s a line to be delivered at a certain point in every interview.

Then there’s Ryan Gosling. To be honest I was annoyed with him at first. He seemed bored. And I wanted him to quit touching his face. It’s distracting and vain. And then he gave the most gracious, lovely answer to why he couldn’t do a superhero movie and all the rest was forgotten.

Besides, no one could be more annoying next to James Franco.

James Franco is so full of his own sh-t it’s actually really, really awesome. In a “did he actually just say that?” way. First of all, you’ve never seen or heard some so smug. His expression... it’s SMUG. Then, at around 19:00, he has to announce that “I WENT TO FILM SCHOOL” as some sort of justification for understanding the casting process, and why he never has to beg for a role. The best is Jesse Eisenberg. Eisenberg is seated next to Franco. He is STRUGGLING to maintain his composure while Franco goes off on his own superiority.

And why is he shouting? Every time Franco speaks the volume goes way, way, way up. As though whatever he’s saying is so important, he has to make sure you hear every word. Half way through his goddamn soliloquy it becomes a lecture. Professor Franco is at the pulpit, rubbing his face in fatigue, like he’s doing you a favour by being there.

F-ck off!

And stop trying to answer for Robert Duvall.

Seriously, at one point, Duvall is trying to search his own mind for the name of a film, and you can hear Franco in the background, a know-it-all bitch, throwing out the title like he’s a bigger expert on the career of Robert Duvall than Robert Duvall himself. He was wrong.

I wonder if Bill Murray would tell James Franco that to his face. He probably would. Let me get back to Bill in a second. Because we have to focus first on the grumpy ass impatient amazingess that is Robert Duvall. Robert Duvall has no time for stupid journalist follow-up questions. Robert Duvall has no time for David Fincher. David Fincher is a dick if he has to do 50 takes of a scene. It means his method is dumb. Same goes for Stanley Kubrick. Stanley Kubrick made great movies but also inspired the sh-ttiest performances. Also, he has no patience for long, drawn out, monster paragraph questions so why are you asking them? OMG I love him so much. So does Bill Murray.

Bill Murray introduced Robert Duvall at the Gothams the other night. He basically told the audience which consisted mostly of pretentious assholes that Robert Duvall is better than them all. Bill’s disdain for these wankers... it will make your life. Bill would consider Franco a wanker I think. Because right now Franco is all the things someone like Bill Murray would want to take a dump on.

Am attaching both videos for your weekend pleasure.

And new photos of James Franco arriving at LAX yesterday trying to get his thighs under control. Looks like it’s working.

PS. Have you seen Get Low? I LOVED Get Low. There’s a part in Get Low where Duvall sits on his porch and says a million things by saying nothing without overacting or using his eyebrows or any other corny tricks and you know he doesn’t sit around fellating himself after delivering a scene like that either. He just moves on to the next, like there are better things to do than to be up your own ass.