As a kid, I always remember going to my grandma’s house or my aunt’s house on Christmas Eve for a big Italian dinner and opening presents form the family (we still waited til Christmas morning to open presents from Santa, of course!) Then we’d go to “midnight mass” (which I put in quotes because it actually started at 11!) and sing Christmas hymns by candlelight. These were always the things that made Christmas Christmasy for me. The things that defined that day from any other day. Then Christmas day we’d have 40-60 of our closest friends and family come to our house to eat and drink all day and night. I loved these Christmas Eves and Christmases. As I got older, and my family moved away, our Christmases began to feel less Christmasy. We’d go out to dinner on Christmas Eve, and we could never even stay up for mass. My siblings and I had to set an alarm to wake up at five for “santa” as we were no longer excited enough to get up on our own. We’d open presents and eat breakfast and by 10 or 11 am, Christmas was over. Sometimes we’d go see a movie. But it felt like it wasn’t even worth it anymore.

As I was on my way to work today, Christmas Eve Eve, it occurred to me that this is the day that has become the most festive and eventful for me in the past few years. Five years ago, it was a bunch of coworkers and myself driving an hour north to help another restaurant that was so busy and whose employees were so over worked they hadn’t even had time to finish Christmas shopping yet! Three or four years ago, it was making the most epic Christmas cookies with one of my best friends who I only get to see on holidays when we both go “back home”. Last year, I was at Candy Cane Karaoke, singing and dancing and dressing goofy with all my friends (and doing delicious candy cane shots!)

While today was mostly uneventful (although I did brave the grocery store to get the ingredients to do some last-minute holiday baking) it still marks the first real touch of Christmas spirit in my otherwise downtrodden heart. This will be the first Christmas ever that my family has been separated. My mom will be here soon to spend the holiday with my brother and I, while my dad and sister and brother-in-law will all be back home and working on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I guess this is what growing up does, but I still always hoped that Christmas would be the one day we’d all get to enjoy together. Hopefully, I manage to find the spirit soon. If not though, I will be sure to find my birthday spirit in a few days! And, this will be the first New Year’s I’ve had off in 6 or 7 years!

I always thought that T.V. and movies over dramatized the way things are in real life (think “Mean Girls”, “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”, “Dawson’s Creek”, etc.) I always watched these shows and thought, “who can relate to these things?!” Even reality TV I always dismissed as completely unrealistic. But apparently I was wrong. Apparently I’ve managed to fly under the drama radar for nearly twenty-five years. I survived all of middle school, high school, and college without ever really having to worry about liars, cheats, and backstabbers. But apparently it really does exist in real life, far more than I ever knew. Maybe it’s because I’m a likable enough person. Maybe since I try to be nice to everyone, they’re generally at least civil towards me. Maybe because I tend to drop friends that prove to be, well, unfriendly. Maybe because I’ve, until recently, always had mostly mature friends and hung mostly around guys I never noticed it, but girls are mean! They are manipulative and vindictive. This is why I could never join a sorority. Also why I never had very many girl friends except my few best friends. I think, at the end of the day, they’re just jealous. Jealous that I can make friends anywhere I go. Jealous that almost everybody, except them, likes me. Jealous that I am free to do as I please without a husband, or boyfriend, or parents, or kids to tie me down. Jealous that I go places and suddenly upgrade to VIP status. At the end of the day my life is filled with AWESOME because I make it that way. Think it will happen, and it will. Everything happens for a reason.

I actually got this little tidbit from a facebook post by a film company (Nationlight Productions).

The hebrew word “shana”/year is related to “shoneh”/repeat, as well as “sheina”/sleep. This teaches that the repetitiveness of the years renders us unconscious to the miraculous nature of our lives. The relationship of the words “chodesh”/month and “chadash”/new teaches us that each new moon is an opportunity to awaken and realize there is constant renewal and miracles all around. Yesterday was the new moon [and year].

I’ve studied a lot of languages and always loved the way words are interconnected. I thought this is a great positive little message to remind us to, essentially, count our blessings, even when things seem like they can’t get much worse (I have also learned that they always can!)

Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.
My life has become one giant crazy random happenstance.