Hey Amy there is age gap between us but if you just want to chat and be online friends, I am cool with that. I don’t put a lot of faith in online dating but I have very poor social skills and would like to meet new people to remedy this issue. I am 25 and have only been on one date this last weekend, it ended poorly but I don’t feel bad since I guess some people never date at all. Its progress I guess, dating is something that I would like to become a part of my life more.

A little heads up or you… It’s all about experience and I like it a lot that it didn’t discourage you! A real thumbs up for that!!! The only way to get there is by getting out there. I will tell you my tricks and those are very simple.

#1 You keep on talking for a long time before you meet so that you have something to talk about because chit chat just simply won’t work. You just have to know the other person before you meet. You have to level with them. So don’t date after talking for some days or a week even. Use a month or for my part even two… Really connect online and before you date be open about it that you may be little shy at first but that you are confident that that will disappear quickly if you two have the same nice connection in real life as online. If you are dating a fellow aspie then this person will probably have exactly the same and you can be cute about each others shyness which just will release the pressure.

#2 Be open about everything, so also about your fears but don’t forget telling about your joys in life and your dreams… What is attractive is people who dare to show themselves. In that way your weaknesses can also become your strengths.

#3 The last thing is somethign I really believe in… the setting… I have stopped dating in cafes. There is too much distraction for me to hold focus on the person I am with if I on’t know her yet. A quiet restaurant is better and then you still have food to look to avoid the first confrontation. 😉 But what is even better is a picknick in a park… Trust me on this one… Be a gentleman and buy bottle of nice wine, some french bread, some cheeses or what ever you feel like putting on it (check her diet preferences) and bring some blankets and pillows and be comfortable by just having a cosy time… Focus on having a good times dcjrkns, not on dating, not on wanting something out of it, but at having a great time. If it will be just for once then that is that. It was still nice to talk with that person. All has its chemistry. With some people it clicks and with others not. If not then its just a good thing really that you didn’t end up together but if it does then very beautiful things can happen too.

Yeah see only one of those three things happened with my last date, we had one phone call before meeting and to be honest I actually don’t think I was the problem. Cause the woman I was dating was an aspie too and I took her to a very loud environment. Like before the date in the car we were talking about meeting up again and really having a good time. Than the restaurant bothered her sensory problems and she freaked out on me and started having anxiety and stuff. I mean trying to look at the date through her eyes leads me to believe she was miserable and it was only after the sensory meltdown that she suddenly became too busy to ever date me or see me again. I mean if I was her I would have been embarrassed and I can’t think of anything I said to turn her off. She also stated that she was going to isolate when she got home so I don’t think I was the issue. Which is part of the reason I am not bothered by it, I wish I had taken her to another restaurant but I didn’t know and I do now so thats what matters.

I do think though with my personality that I’ll have to date an aspie, I did learn that through this last date cause I can’t relate to others and this girl seemed on my level. I don’t think she’ll contact me again and I assume its over but I would be willing to talk to this woman if she ever talks to me again. I have leave that ball in her court and am going to leave her alone however I am very understanding of aspie issues and I don’t hold anything against her. I told her that and she never said anything else the entire date so I think she is mortified to be honest.

I understand. Still you could see if she is interested in meeting you again in a quiet setting of her choosing. Sensory overload can be very momentarily and you did have a good time before ending up at the restaurant. I still would drop her one line, telling that you wouldn’t mind a retry. Chances are actually huge that she feels that she really messed up and feels ashamed over that and it could relieve her by hearing also after the date that you are an understanding guy. If you don’t hear from her after that then you did at least show that that wasn’t just words and your goodwill. The fact that she didn’t say anything else might as well be because of the whole sensory overload issue and her anxiety attack. Anxiety causes a total shutdown and it might well be that she doesn’t really remember you telling her that you are understanding of aspie issues…

That is just my thought of it. Of course you kn ow the situation better and you seem to deal with it in a very proper way.But if she interests you then I would neither just let it slip without some extra effort. You have left her alone for a bit, so she might have gotten herself on track again.

Sensory overload is real and many aspies have different triggers. It would be a good idea to self identify on these types of issues before dates, because it can be a deal breaker for many people. I am sensitive to sirens, bright lights, crowded rooms, high pitched noises (even voices), and my energy level only goes to a middle level. I also have hyperalgesia (increased sensitivity to pain). All of these things can cause horrible dates, so if I ever start going on dates again, this is something I would probably begin to discuss before plans were made. Many aspies or nervous NTs also sweat when encountering new people and places, but eventually it subsides so don’t think anything of it. You may be tempted to wear perfume or cologne, but that is a bad idea because many people are sensitive to strong smells. Maybe, give it a test when first meet the person to see if they like the smell. Lavender can be nice. On a personal note, I prefer females that don’t put on too much make-up. From my understanding, it is meant to complement your facial features not to overpower them. Good luck making new friends everyone.