Badger militia group claims third victim

The war against badgers took a backward step today as the Badger Rights Alliance (BRA) claimed it’s 3rd victim in as many weeks. Clive Wormley a 48 year old cattle farmer from Staffordshire was killed by a roadside badger while taking his herd to the dairy for milking at 5:30am today. An IEB or Imporvised Exploding Badger detonated as Mr Wormley passed close by. He was killed instantly.

The BRA claimed responsibility in an email sent to the offices of Farmers’ Weekly, in which they insisted that their reign of terror would continue as long as badgers continued being brutally culled.

BRA sympathisers have long claimed that culling badgers will only serve to isolate their species further and may force other animal rights organisations to take up arms against the oppressors. Already threats have been made against several prominent landowners by supporters of groups such as ‘Working For Weasels’, ‘Harepeace’ and ‘For Fox Sake’.

Environment Secretary Caroline Spelman said that every effort would be made to ensure badger numbers are limited to prevent the spread of bovine TB. In reply, Tristan Callendar, spokesman for the BRA’s political wing ‘B for Victory’ said that they would raise their concerns at the European Court of Musteloid Rights’ ‘It is totally wrong to victimise badgers on an unfounded assumption that they spread TB around the countryside’, said Mr Callendar.

He has called for an investigation to help prove his assertion that bovine TB is spread solely by poor animal management and cheap imported feedstock. It’s the farmers themselves, he believes, that are responsible for making a bad fist of things.

B for Victory have also drafted in a group of photographic experts to examine claims that proof of the badgers’ culpability has finally been found. An amateur wildlife photographer believes he has captured the first known photograph of a wild badger coughing blood into a white cotton handkerchief.