Thursday, March 1, 2012

MORE OF THE BEST FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES AND FUNNY SAYINGS:

For the next few days, I'm publishing a bunch of status updates from my Fan Page, written within the last 12 months. Enjoy!

____ I knew that the reality TV show Survivor was a sham the minute I noticed that the women still had smooth legs and arm pits after day 6. (Donny Norris)
____ Whenever I meet an honor student I tell them about their Mom's bad driving. (Kristie Jackson)
____ I get out of my car a lot faster now that I've made Fran Drescher the voice on my GPS. (Jacob Grant)
____ This beer just accepted my friend request! (MY STATUS IS BADDEST)
____ We have a lot of children living on our street, so I try to caution speeders by bouncing an old tricycle off their windshield. (Mike Seriously)
____ Sometimes I call the cops on myself just so my neighbours will think the party I'm throwing is awesome. (Donny Norris)
____ Age 22 isn't when you become a woman. You become a woman when people fall out of your vagina and step on your dreams. (Tiffany Mobley)
____ If you see someone jogging past 9 p.m, they just killed a person. (Mike Seriously)
____ I fart, because it's the only gas I can afford. (Mhalou Diaz-Consengco)
____ they're called skinny jeans, not MAKE you skinny jeans!!! (Carrie Danley)
____ is at the DMV. Now I know where "those" people go when they're NOT at Wal-Mart. (Mustache Mann)
____ How to stop SNORING: place pillow tightly over partners face hold til snoring stops, then delete this message. (Julie A Ostmann)
____ Thanks, confirmation email telling me I've successfully unsubscribed from your emails. You just had to win didn't you? (Adam Apple)

____ High 5’s are a great way to slap someone in the face by “accident”. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ I don't mind people sneezing in public. It's that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me... (Mhalou Diaz-Consengco)
____ I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme doughnut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all the disappointed faces. (Donny Norris)
____ ♫ SHOUT…SHOUT, type it all out! These are the things I can blog about. So log on… I’m linking to you… Log on. ♫ (William Hale)
____ Do not raise your voice. Improve your argument. (Apple Grace Alcantara)
____ If you think things improve with age, attend a class reunion. (Mike Foster)
____ I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand. (Jennifer Gordon)
____ There's a movie I'm going to be forced to see. I won't say which one, but it looks like a real piece of smurf. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ I'm so pissed right now! I'm about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please... (William Hale)
____ Two beer or not two beer--Shakesbeer (Apple Grace Alcantara)
____ Talking to yourself is completely normal. Arguing with yourself is also completely normal. However, if you lose the argument, then you need serious help. (Mhalou Diaz-Consengco)