The hottest new Final Fantasy game is not going to be on PlayStation 4 or Xbox One — Sorry, Final Fantasy Type-0 HD. No, the newest fire to stem from the series will appear on your Apple or Android smartphone. Square Enix announced Mevius Final Fantasy in December, and a teaser site launched shortly after.

The game will have connections to the first Final Fantasy, and the “warriors of light” will factor heavily into the game’s theme. Yoshinori Kitase is acting as a producer on the title, and it will be a full Final Fantasy entry rather than a simple spin-off like many of the cash-in titles Square has been releasing recently (but please bring the sure to be DLC-heavy Final Fantasy Explorers to North America).

The tagline on the teaser site is decidedly nonsensical — “Born of a line unending” — like any good Final Fantasy tagline should be. The site also features concept art, screenshots, and images of the game’s world and protagonist. Despite the impressive console-like experience, the trailer immediately draws eyes to the comely male protagonist.

Jon Voight

We don’t know many particulars about the lead character in Mevius Final Fantasy, but we do know that he has amnesia and wakes up in a foreign land. We also know that he’s got the goods. When looking at screenshots, it is hard not to note how provocative his armor is; It is downright lascivious.

Look at this Adonis!

While the Final Fantasy series is known for outlandish and brazen character designs, this new character may be the most far out there. A form-fitting body suit and insane leg and armor placements make him look like the female armor set in the “Choose Your Character” comic by Irene Martini. Mevius Final Fantasy’s protagonist may simply be a natural evolution of the series. He looks like Titus and Van had a baby in an S&M shop.

If we were to be kind to Square Enix and those involved in the title, it could be said the character design is some sort of bold comment on how impractical most female video game characters are designed; or how the armor being so flimsy and revealing is a direct analogue to how many female Final Fantasy characters have been designed throughout the series’ history. But that’s giving the developers too much credit. Honestly, it probably was glorious and blithe happenstance that the Mevius Final Fantasy protagonist looks like a futuristic Abercrombie & Fitch model or the brilliant satire image from Anne Pogoda of Snake dressed like the Quiet.

Does This Effectively Hide My Thunder?

It is hard not to admire the care given to bring this androgynous beefcake to life. Not that the developers could lean away from how form fitting the armor set is, but looking at screenshots, you have to give them credit for embracing the booty and dong shots. Accidental or not, Mevius Final Fantasy will be an interesting experiment to see how male video game fans react to such a scandalous, sexualized male protagonist.

Navel Gazing

The bigger issue with Mevius Final Fantasy may not be whether the main character’s outfit makes men uncomfortable (though this will be the most delightful result of the game), but why Square Enix is so convinced anyone wants a console quality game on a smartphone. Is there really a large cross-section of people who mainly play games on their smartphones and people who play console quality games?

He do.

It seems like a market larger publishers are convinced exists, but the majority of people who play games on their phones don’t care about production values. While the smartphone market is richer in Japan (the only place the game is currently set to be released), this type of game will have a difficult time loosening the stranglehold freemium games have on the mobile gaming market. The game is certainly not a cheap or free product that can be played on the bus or while taking a dump.

Mevius Final Fantasy could potentially be an exciting game. However, it should be an exciting game for the PS Vita or an digital title available on PSN or Xbox Live. It is a shame we may never see this sweet angel in impractical armor make as many people uncomfortable as he could outside of a smartphone.

Kalvin Martinez

Kalvin Martinez studied Creative Writing at the University of California, Santa Cruz. He writes reviews, prose and filthy limericks. While he is Orange County born, he now resides in Portland, OR. He is still wondering what it would be like to work at a real police department. Follow Kalvin on Twitter @freepartysubs