To the folks who have been screaming AHHHH YOU GAINED WEIGHT, WHAT ARE YOU, FATNESS EVERDEEN, Lady Gaga continues to level a resounding "Fuck yourself." Although the rumor out of Universal is that they had to order new, larger costumes for her, she told radio host Elvis Duran that she "doesn't feel bad about it. Not even for a second." She also hopped on Twitter to post a photo of Marilyn Monroe captioned: "To all the girls that think you're ugly because you're not a size 0, you're the beautiful one. It's society who's ugly," and went on to thank her fans for their support. She even had a sartorial retort to the scrutiny, which was a crazy blob dress that looked like what would happen if Patrick from Spongebob SquarePants fucked the Michelin Man.

Here's the thing, though: in this video of her arriving at the Sephora Paris perfume launch of her fragrance Fame yesterday, as well as a series of explicitly "unretouched" photos on Terry Richardson's blog that were just posted today, she looks nothing like she did in the original onstage shots that put everyone in a tizzy to begin with. Maybe the Richardson shots are old, or she has hella Spanx, but it is an enduring mystery of our time. Or who cares. Either way. [Radar Online, NYDN]

Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether a friend needs help with substance abuse, but in the future, a great tip-off is when he screams "I'M NOT FUCKING JUSTIN BIEBER, MOTHERFUCKERS," smashes his guitar and throws it offstage. A statement now reports that Billie Joe Armstrong has checked into rehab two days after doing just this at the iHeartRadio festival in Las Vegas. This will likely affect upcoming appearances and the scheduling of a November tour to promote Green Day's new album, Uno.

"I'm not fucking Justin Bieber, motherfuckers," by the way, is totally the kind of shit you'd yell really seriously in the middle of a meltdown but realize how unintentionally hilarious it is later. [NYDN]

During an interview with X-Factor judge and formerly-troubled starlet Demi Lovato, Katie Couric admitted to battling bulimia throughout college and the following two post-grad years, continuing as she began her career in the ABC News Bureau.

She told Lovato, "I know this rigidity, this feeling that if you eat one thing that's wrong, you're full of self-loathing and then you punish yourself... How do you have a healthy relationship with food, and say, 'You know what, I can have one cookie and it's OK?' That is such a huge thing for people who wrestle with this." [Page Six]

The best part of Claire Danes' Emmy acceptance speech for Homeland is the part when she says "Mandy Patinkin, holla." Because it's what we all were thinking.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tell-all memoir, groan-inducingly titled Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story, is set to drop like a hot deuce of truth October 1st. Here is the only part you might care about.

The minute we sat down, the therapist turned to me and said, "Maria wanted to come here today and to ask about a child - whether you fathered a child with your housekeeper Mildred." I told the therapist, "It's true."

Go figure: his book is as literal as his hilarious DVD commentary for the actual Total Recall. ("Ha-ha. And here I am punching the guy. Ha-ha.")

Guys, Joseph Gordon-Levitt spoofed Magic Mike in his SNL monologue and this might rival the one of Ryan Lochte's inguinal muscles for my Monday pick-me-up gif. (Even though he did say pretty women weren't funny that time.)

Three new Lana Del Rey tracks and the cover of the Ride single are out, which you should check out if you want to see what Del Rey would look like with Katey Sagal hair circa Married With Children. [Pop Crush]

Andrea Barber Tweeted a shot of the cast of Full House, reunited (without MK and Ashley, naturally). [Twitter]

Natalie Portman... IS BLONDE NOW. And hung out with Robert Pattinson at an event. YOLOYOLOYOLO. [Us Weekly]

Because K-St00 and R-Patz are also, like, in existence in the same universe as 50 Shades there is naturally some speculation they will get the leads and blah blah blah. (She refers to the role of Ana as "spicy.") [Examiner]

R-Patz might be trying to get K-Stew to marry him, says some sketchy source. [Hollywood Life]