The Amazing Race All Stars, April 22nd – Teletubbies Go to War With a GPS

Danielle is beginning to get very frustrated, and as Charla’s GPS goes off course, her guide tells her she is not allowed to touch the buttons. Danielle runs into spider webs and is disgusted, yet finally finds the hidden pilot. Charla gets lost again, and is again told not to touch the buttons. She decides she’d be dead if she was in the Navy. They’d find her dead and take her. Oswald and Danny arrive to pick up their guide, and Oswald explains they’re in a race and a little cuckoo.

Dustin finds her second coordinates and calls for the helicopter to pick her up. She knows her brothers will be so jealous as she throws the smoke grenade and the helicopter picks her up. Eric hopes it’s Danielle landing, but of course, it’s Dustin. She and Kandice receive a clue to drive themselves to the final pit stop on this Race, Fort Soledad, built in the 19th century to protect the Spanish galleons from pirates.

Charla is again told not to touch the buttons, and Oswald starts the task, saying if he’s reading the GPS right, he’s two minutes and twenty-two seconds from where he should be. Danielle wants to stop doing this search, saying it’s going to kill her, and she is “so last.” Charla is told yet again to not touch the screen. As Dustin drives away from the Roadblock, she says she loves the military stuff, as it pumps her up and makes her feel so proud to be an American.

The beauty queens arrive on the mat in first place, and Phil tells them as one of the final three, they could be the first all female team ti win The Amazing Race and the million. As winners of this leg, they have each won an All-Terrain vehicle. He tells them to imagine how many toys they now have after winning them.

Danielle is crying at this point, wandering around asking why this is so difficult for her, while Charla continues to go off course. She has no idea where the pilot is, and says this is the longest day of her life. Oswald walks right past the pilot, as Danielle says she doesn’t know what to do. Charla finds she has to trudge through the grass and is hoping there aren’t any snakes that will come out and bite her. While as an audience we see eyes in the bushes, Oswald continues to walk right past. Charla finally finds her man, and hopes there isn’t any poison ivy out there as she now heads to the second set of coordinates.

Oswald finally finds the officer in the bushes as the man stands up to take a drink of a water bottle. It almost seemed like he was tired of the game and stood up intentionally so Oswald would find him. Oswald asks if he passed him 100 times, and the officer just says, “Mmmmhmmm.” Danielle finally finds her second set of coordinates and throws the smoke grenade along with a piece of paper. Let’s hope it wasn’t the clue. As the helicopter picks Danielle up, Charla mentions that nobody likes to cut the grass out there. Danielle lands by Eric, and the two drive to the pit stop.

Charla finally finds the second set of coordinates, and as Oswald nears her, he observes, “The Teletubbies Go to War.” Both Oswald and Charla signal to be picked up, but it looks like Charla gets picked up right before. As Charla and Mirna take off for the pit stop, they stop and hug Danny, as they all know that he and Oswald are about to be eliminated. Say what you want about Charla and Mirna, but it was a class act for them to hug him on the way out, as if to stay they enjoyed their time with them. As Oswald lands, he and Danny make jokes about Phil telling them they’re being eliminated and them shouting, “No, Phil!” at him.

It almost appears that Eric and Danielle are lost as they talk about turning around and going back the other way. Mirna and Charla do the same, and Danny Oswald to about just going straight. Eric and Danielle are next on the mat, not too surprisingly, as team #2, and Phil notes that this will be the second time in the final three for Eric, but the first for Danielle. He also notes, almost like it’s an order, that Eric should be proud of Danielle as they beat out a lot of strong teams this time. Eric admits to being proud of her despite all the bickering. Mirna and Charla, again not surprisingly, arrive on the mat in third place, insuring their place in the final three, and meaning that there’s a sixty-seven percent change the winners will be the first all female team.

Danny and Oswald appear on the mat, and address “Mr. Phil.” He tells them they are the last team to arrive and are being eliminated. Surprisingly somewhat, they both agree that if it’s not going to be them, they would like Mirna and Charla to win, as they are a class act. They have no regrets, and says that there will be many chapters written about Oswald and Danny, and now The Amazing Race will be two paragraphs, although they amend that to two chapters. To do it twice, and survive twice, Danny believes he will always have Oswald in his life. He thinks it will be Oswald pushing his wheelchair as he enters the nursing home, and amends it to the gay nursing home that he jokes he’ll be opening up. Oswald says hopefully then Danny won’t speak so much that he’s interrupting Oswald all the time.

The final three teams make all sorts of promises about being the winners of the million dollars, but it’s Charla that cracks me up saying she’s going to knock the crowns off their heads, and she most certainly is meaning the beauty queens. None of these final three teams are teams I was rooting for at any part in the Race, although sometimes, even though Mirna drives me absolutely nuts, I sometimes found myself rooting for them very quietly. There’s something there that makes you want them to do well. Of the final three, they’re my pick, and if Oswald and Danny agree, that’s good enough for me.

I wouldn’t mind the beauty queens winning, just because they’ve played such a good game, and I still remember Kandice’s sweetness painting the young girl’s nails for free. I really, really hope Eric and Danielle don’t win. It would be like Flo and Zach again, and in fact, I’ve even heard them called Flo and Zach Lite. Who would have ever thought we’d be at final three without Romber, Joyce & Uchenna, and Danny & Oswald. People may have picked the beauty queens to make it, and possibly Eric and Danielle, but no one would have picked the cousins.