Get ready to be delighted, surprised, turned on, curious and amazed.

It started with an online conversation with another female writer, who jokingly suggested what men really want for Valentine’s day is a steak and a blow job. We cackled like hens (on FB messages you can still feel the cackle without an emoticon).

Then, brilliant idea! I would write my own clever and deep version of what I think men really want (excavating the masculine soul and all that).

But blessedly, the Homer Simpson “God of doh” intervened, smiting me with a come-to-my-senses-moment replete with me smacking my own forehead: Why would I even try to guess the answer from my womans-eye view? Why imagine that men, categorically, have similar wants?

So instead of writing my list of the generic male desires for Valentine’s Day, I asked some men I know to write their own list for me.

Ok, men, what do you really want for Valentine’s Day?

A bottle of Jameson (any variety will do), a back rub, and reassurance that my diaper-wearing days are still far ahead of me.” ~Dave Matthes author of ‘The Slut Always Rides Shotgun’, blogger and insatiable romantic

“For my lover to look me in the eyes—showering love, admiration and appreciation into my soul. Then give me a gentle kiss… slow and lingering. A sweet whisper in my ear, letting me know that I am the power, the presence, the love that she fully embraces through her body, soul and mind. And a single flower to represent the perfect reflection of love’s beauty.”

“A back rub, a big fucking grass-fed steak, some good, connected sex with someone I care about, and a nap. A yoga class in the morning with or without her. Up to her, but it would make the sex better if she came (to yoga) too.”

“I want the raw honesty of my woman as she lays naked and open in front of me, fully accepting that the tinge of insecurity that runs through her mind in the exposure is nothing but a step into eternity. I want to feel her quiver as I take her in my arms until, finally, the insecurity is swept up in the current of desire, love and truth. It is there, in those moments of insecurity and doubt, that we find ourselves a foundation of eternal truth and a blessed love that can never die. Valentine’s Day is no longer just a celebration of relationship to me, it is a celebration of the embrace of two souls, of two minds, and of two hearts who are exposed, naked, and no longer searching for security anywhere outside of that embrace.” ~ Tom Grasso seeker, pathological meditator, a veteran firefighter and rescue tech, a poet, a blogger, and writer.

“She takes the lead for the fun of it, setting up the mystery of a romantic day together…We men love the attention once in a while. This may be filtered through the lens of post-flu weakness and wanting to be a little taken care of!” ~ Barry Selby author, speaker, catalyst, change-agent and guide and The Passion Consultant.

“An exquisite nude swan sliding in under the covers, to engulf and embrace me with her ethereal curves and graces.”

“For it not to be a violence against another day. Meaning: for one not to energize this day in a manner that could give it the appearance of being greater than another day.”~ John Suchman-Harrison

“That feeling that you get if you and someone else are cuddling and looking into each others eyes, that sense of closeness or unity. The love that overwhelms. That asks nothing in return. The love that wants to be shared that needs no sexual interaction, but the feeling of two hearts are interacting in this dynamic that makes one feel at home with themselves.”

“The slowly waking morning curled against my wife…spending the day stealing glances, gazing deeper than the day before….savoring every last moment of the night’s ecstasies until daylight starts it anew….~ James Hunt

“I’d wanna be: Embellished with Enchantment, Entraining Ecstasy.”

“I would like this Valentine’s Day for Queen Elizabeth to come and babysit my children for a few hours so that my wife and I could take a nostalgic afternoon nap, just like we used to back when we could barely afford rent. If the Queen could not do it, God save her, I would like Oprah to do it instead, and for her to tell all her millions to buy my novel immediately.“

“I don’t like Valentine’s Day very much. It’s asking us to promise what is impossible and pretend things. Don’t promise me you’ll love me forever and never leave me. Intuitively, I know that’s empty. The only one who can never leave me is mySelf. But give me an intensity of the experience in this moment…dance on fire with me. Then I am reminded all the way into my soul’s bones that Love is all we are.” ~ Jacob Nordby, passionate life embracer, author of The Divine Arsonist: A Tale of Awakening.

And of course I asked my own man Fergus, my husband, what did he really want for Valentine’s Day. I asked this after he’d already offered to cook me a dinner of wild mushroom risotto and seared scallops, my favorite.

“A day of play. Something athletic on my own or with friends (tennis, golf, skiing, run) followed by simple dinner with partner cooked together with nice wine. A joint massage. Soulful sex.” ~ Fergus

Well I guess I better prepare the massage oils and rest up for tomorrow’s soulful night. Happy Valentine’s Day all you lovely diverse men of myriad desires! And a heartfelt thank you for playing along with me to create this fun and insightful article.

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Lori Ann Lothian

Lori Ann Lothian is a spiritual revolutionary, divine magic maker and all-purpose scribe. Her articles on love, relationships, enlightenment and sex have appeared at Huffington Post, Good Men Project, Yoganonymous, Origin magazine, Better After 50, XO Jane and on her hit personal blog The Awakened Dreamer. She is also the creator of The 40 Day Magic Challenge. a daily practice to create a masterpiece life of ease, flow, joy and prosperity. Lori Ann lives in Vancouver, Canada, with her husband and daughter, where she has learned to transcend the rain and surrender to mega doses of vitamin D. Tweet her at Twitter

I love these. I think our culture underestimates the deep need we all have to be loved, unconditionally, and nurtured. Men and women. Thanks to all of you for sharing this. I would love to be the partner to a man like this.

Wow…I am shocked by the gentle soulful responses coming from the men…Maybe we should go ask a few carpenters, and blue collar hammer carrying workers. Then again this is the awakened readers site. But all in all I am a tad surprised at the sensitivity of the replies. Get out the oil.

I provided my answer on the fly. I'll now supplement it, based upon the original conversations.

Life, Love & Sex may all be approached in various ways –
Stoically, Cautiously, Neutrally, Imaginatively, Creatively, Playfully and Vigorously, to name a few.

My perception of Valentine's Day is mixed, a juxtaposition of commercialism, romanticism and isolationism all wrapped up in red cellophane. Often in our partnerships, we feel alone and isolated and perhaps a day of intentional focus may be the vector for some to nurture their relationship and create more harmony and intimacy. Equally, I've abandoned the focused and ritualistic celebrations of (cultured) specific days, opting to celebrate every damn day as an incredible opportunity.

In the discussion on this inquiry in the writer's group, I offered, in response to what do guys want inquiry, that we'd like our hearts and minds blown (no sex, required, btw …). I can't speak for all guys (clearly) or without self referencing (double clearly), yet I was asked and responded.

I'd want any and all of my relationships, intimate and beyond, to all contain some magick, mystique and majesty. It is what I seek to bring, when I'm in a groove and in key internally. So, for Valentine's Day, if I woman were to read my heart and mind, and was inclined, she would:

Engage her imagination, and mine.

She would invest some time developing an event that lasted a week or more.

She would strike early, say on the evening of the 13th, leveraging the elements of the unexpected.

If she did the above, it wouldn't matter what the final climax was, since she'd already have parlayed, foreplayed and engaged me, on all levels. That is the longer version, of: “I’d wanna be: Embellished with Enchantment, Entraining Ecstasy.”

I'm with Jacob. The only thing I really like about Valentines is making sweet cards with my kids to share with their classmates and chocolate. Otherwise, I would really rather that the sweet attention and appreciation BOTH people in romantic entanglement desire happen at least every odd day of the week. Why limit our awareness of what is lacking in relationship to one day a year?