Thinking of divorce - custody questions

I have an 11 month old daughter that is more precious to me than my next breath. I also have a husband that makes me want to gouge my eyes out sometimes. We have very little in common anymore and he is flat out mean 90% of the time. I have tried to talk to him about what I need and he just doesn't care. I'm about done trying. The only problem is I am terrified of sharing custody with him. He will yell at her to shut the f*ck up. Call her retarded, say she's acting f*cking stupid and things of that nature. I feel like if I stay at least I can protect her. If we divorce and he gets her this day or that I am absolutely terrified he will say or do something to hurt her if she doesn't cooperate with him. I have no proof of the way he is so I know any judge would allow him visitation. I guess I'm just wondering if any of you have been through anything like this and either A) how you deal with leaving your child with an ex you don't trust or B) how you got full custody of your child.

Thanks ladies.

I have an 11 month old daughter that is more precious to me than my next breath. I also have a husband that makes me want to gouge my eyes out sometimes. We have very little in common anymore and he is flat out mean 90% of the time. I have tried to talk to him about what I need and he just doesn't care. I'm about done trying. The only problem is I am terrified of sharing custody with him. He will yell at her to shut the f*ck up. Call her retarded, say she's acting f*cking stupid and things of that nature. I feel like if I stay at least I can protect her. If we divorce and he gets her this day or that I am absolutely terrified he will say or do something to hurt her if she doesn't cooperate with him. I have no proof of the way he is so I know any judge would allow him visitation. I guess I'm just wondering if any of you have been through anything like this and either A) how you deal with leaving your child with an ex you don't trust or B) how you got full custody of your child.

get evidence of the way he acts. If you have proof during court he will probably end up getting supervised visits! You might end up getting joint custody but at least he won't be alone with your daughter . I don't trust my ex one bit and we have joint custody. The judge granted him 2 visits a week for 4 hours and it's definitely hard letting my son go with him. Goodluck!

get evidence of the way he acts. If you have proof during court he will probably end up getting supervised visits! You might end up getting joint custody but at least he won't be alone with your daughter . I don't trust my ex one bit and we have joint custody. The judge granted him 2 visits a week for 4 hours and it's definitely hard letting my son go with him. Goodluck!

Don't ever stay in a terrible situation. No matter what the reason. You don't deserve that and neither does your child. And how much is she being protected by you if she has to be called a terrible name by her father even once? Do some research. You don't even have to talk to him about a divorce right now. But do as the other ladies suggested and try to record him. I can't imagine hearing anyone speak to one of my babies that way. They'd be cut off so quick. I know going through any type of custody battle can be scary, I've been there. But you have to get out of that situation. You don't want your daughter growing up in that. And you're her example of a strong woman. You can leave that and come out of it so much better. If she was ever in this situation as an adult, I'm sure it would destroy you. Do what's best for the both of you and get out of there. He doesn't deserve either or your company and if you can prove he is the way he is, there's no way he's taking her from you. You're mommy. And you seem like a good one. You already win.

Don't ever stay in a terrible situation. No matter what the reason. You don't deserve that and neither does your child. And how much is she being protected by you if she has to be called a terrible name by her father even once? Do some research. You don't even have to talk to him about a divorce right now. But do as the other ladies suggested and try to record him. I can't imagine hearing anyone speak to one of my babies that way. They'd be cut off so quick. I know going through any type of custody battle can be scary, I've been there. But you have to get out of that situation. You don't want your daughter growing up in that. And you're her example of a strong woman. You can leave that and come out of it so much better. If she was ever in this situation as an adult, I'm sure it would destroy you. Do what's best for the both of you and get out of there. He doesn't deserve either or your company and if you can prove he is the way he is, there's no way he's taking her from you. You're mommy. And you seem like a good one. You already win.

Definitely talk to a lawyer! Does he abuse you as well? My experience is this: My husband was in recovery and fell off the wagon, has acted extremely irresponsibly, etc. My lawyer said to document everything, and to serve him the papers which state that I will have full custody and he will have visitation. If he signs, then it's all set. If he contests it, we would do a custody evaluation during which we could each state our case, as would anyone else who has contact with lo. At the end, the custody evaluator would make a recommendation to the court. These are very expensive, AND mean that his dirty little secrets would be court record... so my hope is that it won't go that far.

Anyway, there are probably those who would disagree with me on this next point: My plan with this has always been to give my husband the impression that I'm cooperating by giving him just enough to keep him happy, but not doing anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. He moved out (we're in the midst of divorce) and wanted to do overnights. I don't feel ok with that because my husband can drink a bottle of vodka in 3 hrs, so I just said that lo would be more comfortable sleeping in his own bed. I didn't want him to take him alone to xmas dinner at his folks house so I went along, even tho no one really spoke to me.

Your daughter is a beautiful little girl and deserves to be treated as such. If you can leave, leave. If you don't want to share custody, just tell him that for now you don't want to disrupt her world too much so it's best to just do visits, and that he can come over whenever he wants. Above all, I have found it best to not turn anything into a battle between you two. When that happens it's like it just becomes a pissing contest that he wants to win. I wish you the best of luck! If you want to chat, *****, whatever, email me! chiirp@gmail.com

Definitely talk to a lawyer! Does he abuse you as well? My experience is this: My husband was in recovery and fell off the wagon, has acted extremely irresponsibly, etc. My lawyer said to document everything, and to serve him the papers which state that I will have full custody and he will have visitation. If he signs, then it's all set. If he contests it, we would do a custody evaluation during which we could each state our case, as would anyone else who has contact with lo. At the end, the custody evaluator would make a recommendation to the court. These are very expensive, AND mean that his dirty little secrets would be court record... so my hope is that it won't go that far.

Anyway, there are probably those who would disagree with me on this next point: My plan with this has always been to give my husband the impression that I'm cooperating by giving him just enough to keep him happy, but not doing anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. He moved out (we're in the midst of divorce) and wanted to do overnights. I don't feel ok with that because my husband can drink a bottle of vodka in 3 hrs, so I just said that lo would be more comfortable sleeping in his own bed. I didn't want him to take him alone to xmas dinner at his folks house so I went along, even tho no one really spoke to me.

Your daughter is a beautiful little girl and deserves to be treated as such. If you can leave, leave. If you don't want to share custody, just tell him that for now you don't want to disrupt her world too much so it's best to just do visits, and that he can come over whenever he wants. Above all, I have found it best to not turn anything into a battle between you two. When that happens it's like it just becomes a pissing contest that he wants to win. I wish you the best of luck! If you want to chat, *****, whatever, email me! chiirp@gmail.com

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