AIBU to think you shouldn't discipline another child...

My ds is 19 months and this morning we went to a new playgroup for the first time so I didn't know any of the other mums. Ds went over to an older/bigger child and grabbed a toy car off him. The other child didn't seem too put out (no outraged squawk / crying) but I made my way over to return it to the child as he had clearly been playing with it. Before I got there the child's mother / carer had grabbed it back off ds and said quite loudly "No! Don't snatch. He was playing with it".

I was a bit miffed because I wouldn't discipline a child I didn't know and also I try to save "No" for serious crimes. We are teaching ds to pass things nicely (failed!) and an adult grabbing something sets a bad example. Also because she raised her voice a few people turned to look and it made ds' behaviour seem much worse than it was. Just a bit embarrassing as we were new.

I don't normally discipline other children unless they are in danger (about to climb a wall/ drown) or are hitting my children. I do get fed up of parents who seem quite happy to let their little darlings snatch toys or hit/bite/scratch my children because their little darlings are allowed to express themselves.

She probably shouldn't have raised her voice but to be honest it sounds more as if you were a bit embarrassed that your little one had been naughty.

It doesn't need an impact. Consistent guidance, instant action and regular reinforcement is what teaches a child appropriate behaviours over time. If you save it for very important things, then that's not going to help a child absorb all the little things.

For your own sanity, and for the sake of your ds' chances of enjoying a good social life, you really do need to toughen up a bit. She said 'no' to him, she didn't put him on the naughty step or make him write out 500 lines of Virgil.

Of course, you can choose to stand on your principles here. But then you will probably have to accept that people will tend not to want to interact with your lo at all.

My own hunch is that your principles will probably go out of the window the first time another child snatches something off yours or pushes him over.

Because lots of people think if you say 'no' all the time it loses it's impact and children ignore you when you say it in a serious / dangerous context

So she was standing there saying no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no n no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, was she?

You'd hate me. I walk through these places leaving a trail of told off children in my wake. I will not allow my 1 year old to be pushed, hit or have toys snatched off him without the child being told it's wrong. If their parents won't tell them then I will.