Happy V-Day weekend, fellow debauchitarians! I know a bunch of you fuckers will be engaging in sickeningly warm & fuzzy dinners, couch canoodlin’ and/or deep dickin’ with your nearest & dearest, but for the rest o’ us single (we. are. not. pathetic.) folk there’s good shit going down on both Friday and Saturday nights at several o’ our fav local imbibin’ stations. Not to mention, apparently Valentine’s Day is one o’ the easiest holidays upon which to get laid, for all o’ the obvious reasons.

If you can’t find something to get fired up about in the 'Nati this weekend, it really is time for you to EAT. A. DICK. and move your whiney ass elsewhere. We are sick o’ having you in our town anywho, you bitch-but-don’t-do, non-contributing, grass is always…(GO ALREADY!), motherfuckers!