The Hills: “It’s Like Trying To Tell Iran and Israel To Get Along…”

Actually, it’s like watching paint dry. The Hills was a big snooze tonight. My mom summed it up in this way: “Everyone went to a birthday party and left as soon as Spencer came. I don’t blame them–I can’t stand him!”

Somehow, everyone’s mouths simultaneously froze in open-mouthed astonishment when Speidi showed up at Stephanie’s birthday party, bearing a bouquet of helium balloons. Why the shock? I mean, didn’t LC think Heidi and Spencer might show up? Didn’t she remember that she is, in fact, on The Hills, where everyone always ends up showing up in the same place, especially when you don’t want them to?

But the Speidi encounter was a real bore. Nothing happened! I mean, the two warring “ships” barely exchanged not-so-nice looks before LC and her posse (AKA most of the party) left. Yawn. The only time I laughed was when Lo positioned her face over a candle, making her look eerily like The Leprachaun, as she continued being a total bitch to Audrina.

As far as next week, it seems like LC has already lost that lovin’ feeling for Doug. (One day you’re digging out prom pics, the next you’re not feeling it quite so much.) And everyone continues to theorize that maybe, just maybe, Stephanie shouldn’t be trusted. Hey, I have an idea: Why doesn’t everyone just actually stop trusting her instead of endlessly debating whether they should? And why doesn’t Spencer stop talking to her, rather than staging yet another boring sibling sit-down? Take action, people! Think of the viewers. How much more can we take?

Oh and another thing: Special thanks to Michelle Obama for delaying her DNC address until after The Hills! (She was great, wasn’t she?)