Sorry this is late, I was at a wedding….

I can’t say, exactly, how I feel about my oldest tying the knot — bittersweet is the first layer, but there is weeping underneath –I can tell you that our life together is flashing before my eyes, in a good way.

I remember the day after he was born. It was when moms still got a 3 day hospital stay and if you paid for it, a candle lit dinner for two. It was a fair attempt at reestablishing romance, but the donut I sat on was a physical reminder that I was out of commission for a while. Landon and I were alone in our room. I was holding him against me, nuzzling him. Out of the blue he lifted his head away from my chest — I didn’t think new borns could do that — and looked me straight in the eye. In that instant I knew we were in this together. His eyes said, “Here we go mom’”

A couple of nights ago I sat on the deck, alone in the dark, looking at the stars, missing Landon’s youth and my mothering of him. He was a sweetheart and he was a hand full. He took life at full speed, which meant several trips to the ER, firemen pulling him out of a mucky swamp sink hole before hypothermia set in, and looking out my kitchen window one winter afternoon to see a car fly pass with him being pulled behind it on ski’s.

Still, today, I hear stories. He and Jena will decide to tell me about-the-time-when…they pulled the mattress off the spare-room bed into the living room, piled all the couch cushions on top of it, then leapt over the loft railing onto soft heap below. Or when he and his friends jumped, repeatedly, over a bonfire they started in the driveway. Or when he took my SUV off-road. Or…the stories go one and on…

As my first born, most everything I did was an experiment. We were learning together. I taught him know what he felt, what he wanted and to speak up for both. I remember at one particularly difficult stage in his adolescence rethinking my approach, realizing there may be something to be said for the adages, children should be seen and not heard and because I said so…As a result of my parenting style, he could argue like a lawyer. We often thought he would choose that profession. He could out-argue me. And often did. I remember walking away wondering how I ended up saying yes when I was sure I meant no.

And he was a sweetheart.

He struggled with dyslexia and a gluten intolerance — before gluten free was even a term. Together we worked creatively to deal with these issues and they were very hard on him. My heart often broke watching him find his way. I remember one evening, when he was in the 3rd grade, sitting together on the edge of my bed, holding him after a particularly hard day at school, assuring him that it would get better and that I would not let him do it alone.

If I sum up how I mothered it would be that I had my kid’s backs. I read, as a young mom, that my job was to provide a safe harbor for them. That the world was going to beat them up, and they would need a place/person that would provide sanctuary. That was always my guiding principle. I hope they felt that.

So on his wedding day, as we had a moment alone, waiting for all the guests to be seated, I hugged him hard, pulled my head away from his chest, looked him in the eye and said, “Here you go Sweetheart. You have everything you need.”

Thanks for sharing. You bring back such great memories to me, reminding me how heart-lurchingly happy I still get when one of my sons applauds my mothering skills. What a learning curve! I feel fortunate to have grown up men who still like to hang out and share talk with me. It sounds like you have similar relationships.

Loving Life

My "Loving Life" page is an open forum, by readers, that collects life-loving moments. You are invited to tell your story by sharing how you follow your interests, listen to your heart, and pursue your dreams.
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kim on Loving LifeHOPELESSLY DEVOTED
what's funny is everyone
worships Something all day,
even the coldest fish
rabid devotion swims
in the blood
like corpuscles
of Light
people just make
small gods
of their parnters
or kids
dreams or
desires
power
or money
being mad
or being liked
their worries,fears
or doubts,
regrets or pain
so why not
just make
an all-consuming,
shining
Deity of
Love?
This is by tosha silver..enjoy

kim on Loving LifeI love my life why? They are doing a research study at my hospital on stroke patients. Most of the patients have a severe stroke affecting one side. They are be treated with stem cells. There is one man who absolutely amazes us when we scan him. The first time he came he couldn't move his entire left side or stand up. The next time he stood. Then he took 10 steps to the table. Everytime he comes the improvement is absolutely stunning. We are so excited that severe stroke victims can be helped by these stem cells. We asked the where they came from and they are manufactured and sent in. I love my life when I get to be part of amazing medicine..............