Sorry, Danny

After 20 years of story telling, the realization hits that it was at someone else's expense.

Have you ever wondered what became of that slightly awkward, but well meaning kid that you went to school with as a child? Well I always wondered what happened to Danny Slippowitz. And I just found out.

Danny had it tough. He was from a low income family, enrolled in a private Jewish school with mainly middle to upper class children. His parents were recent immigrants from Israel, while most of our parents were born in America. In short, he was different.

But despite all of his differences, my best friend Neil and I decided to befriend Danny when he transferred to our school in the third grade. Sure, sometimes we thought he was a little "weird." When discussing which movie theatre we should go for the much anticipated Back to the Future, Danny suggested we go to the "Theatre Near You" because it was the closest. When doing our English homework together, Danny convinced us that the past tense of the word "done" was "doneded." "'I doneded my homework' -- I say that all the time," Danny maintained.

But it didn't really matter how weird he was, because Danny had one important thing going for him -- he was a nice kid.

We took the next step in our friendship when Danny started inviting Neil and me to his house for sleepovers. At the time, Danny's house was considered to be in the "wrong part of town," so we encountered some initial parental opposition. But our mothers relented after we turned up the heat with a few hours straight of us saying, "Mom, what should we do? We're bored!"

Danny's house was definitely different than ours. They kept their spare furniture on the front porch. Their family dog, Shprintzee, had a severe limp in all of its legs, which meant that it could basically only roll around on its stomach. They also had emaciated rabbits in their backyard. But to 10-year-old boys, this kind of stuff didn't bother us -- we actually thought it was cool. Danny's pets couldn't run away from us, and we could sit comfortably on the front porch and grab a pop from the fridge without even going inside.

The three of us would do things that most boys do -- ride our bikes, wrestle and go to the corner store to buy candy. And no sugar fix for Danny was complete until he bought a Caramilk. He was fascinated by how they got they got the caramel inside.

When we arrived on the first day of school in the seventh grade after a summer of no contact, we discovered that Danny wasn't there anymore. We figured that he transferred to a school that wasn't as academically challenging, but none of us knew for sure. One thing we did know was that as nice as Danny was, he was never going to make it far in life. And with that, we never saw Danny again.

THE DANNY STORIES

Like a story that gets told and retold until it only faintly resembles the original, our memory of Danny and his family developed into a caricature.

But we did talk about him. As we got to high school – and even college -- Neil and I would reminisce about Danny and his family, and all of their idiosyncrasies. We talked about them so much, they started to take on a life of their own. Like a story that gets told and retold until it only faintly resembles the original, our memory of Danny and his family developed into a caricature.

Neil and I graduated from college, got jobs, and bought homes. The make-up of the city has changed over the years, and Neil ended up purchasing his house around the corner from where the Slippowitz family used to live. This, of course, caused us to once again retell all of our stories about Danny and his family that we had been telling over the past 20 years. But as we recounted them this time, something was different. We began to wonder if, in fact, we've been laughing at Danny and his family, instead of laughing with them.

But what were we to do? Track them down and try to make amends? Even if we were to do that, the likelihood that they lived in the same house or even remembered us was extremely slim. Yet, our curiosity was insatiable. We had to find out what happened to Danny.

Neil started making evening strolls around his new neighborhood to see if he could pick up any signs that the Slippowitz's were still around. After some special-ops type reconnaissance -- pictures taken with his camera phone -- Neil reported that there was indeed still furniture on the porch, and a mezuzah on the door. Our chances of a reunion just got a shot in the arm.

But even if the Slippowitzes did still live there, what were we going to do? Just knock on the door? After much thought and discussion, that's exactly what we did.

We picked up a few Caramilks and walked up the steps that we had seen so many times before. I rang the door bell and a figure appeared in the hallway. Sure enough, it was Mrs. Slippowitz. She looked at us suspiciously.

"Hi Mrs. Slippowitz. It's Neil and Gideon," Neil said nervously. "We used to be in Danny's class. I just moved into the neighborhood and wanted to say hi...and I brought some chocolate bars." She looked at us more closely, then swung the door open and invited us in.

We chatted like old friends, but the big question on our minds was: what happened to Danny? Mrs. Slippowitz told us that he didn't come around much these days. Why? Was something wrong? Was he involved in something untoward as everyone had predicted? Had he turned to a life of drugs? Organized crime perhaps? "Danny has turned into something of a real estate mogul," Mrs. Slippowitz said proudly. "He's buying and selling apartment buildings all of the time, so his work keeps him quite busy."

Twenty years of story telling that we did at their expense came crashing down on us.

A real estate mogul?! Danny Slippowitz who never "doneded" his homework? I think I can speak on behalf of my entire elementary school when I say that we are absolutely shockeded.

But I was only surprised because Danny didn't turn out to be the caricature I had made him into. And his parents were nothing like the people we had invented. They were actually nice and normal. Twenty years of story telling that we did at their expense came crashing down on us.

Neil and I are not pious Jews, but we wanted to seek forgiveness, especially with the High Holidays looming ahead. After all, God only grants forgiveness to those who seek it from others, and our trip down Slippowitz lane made us realize that we had treated them unfairly over the years, whether they knew it or not.

True, we didn't exactly ask them for forgiveness, but sometimes actions speak louder than words. In our own way, we tried, and I hope that God recognizes the effort. And just in case He expects more, Neil and I would like to say it more officially here: Danny, and Mr. and Mrs. Slippowitz, we would like to ask you for your forgiveness if we have wronged you in any way over the years. And Danny, we hope you enjoy the Caramilks.

Visitor Comments: 26

(26)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:42 AM

I see this story to be a lesson to all of us. Nowadays, we grow up in a world with many troubles some of them are social skills. But we all must realize that the support that is given towards a struggling friend is essential to his growth. Any action of kindness can begin an everlasting change.

(25)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:42 AM

I feel that parents of these two "boys" made a mistake somewhere when they unintentionaly taught them what is right and wrong side of town. Being different here meant social separation more than Danny"talking funny". Social commentary on the world we live in.

(24)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:41 AM

inspiritng story made me look at my need to make amemnds to my family and friends

Very inspirational. How does one make amends to family and friends about spreading gossip and hurting others when one did no realize that at the time but now does?
How does one make amends when poor judgement resulting from growing up with an verbally abusive/ mental ill parent and poor role model.
Thank you
YS

(23)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:41 AM

childhood memories

Boys will be boys it's obvious Neil and Gideon loved going to their friend Dannys house because it was different and they got a kick out of him. They've wondered for years what happened to their friend. It's great he's so sucessful I hope they have a nice re-union. Our perspectives as children in grade school prove quite differently as adults. Read the 'remembering liz story'. I liked the story yet I think he may be a little embaressed I would of wrote using maybe just Danny.S. and Mrs.S. just my 2 cents. Thanks

(22)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:40 AM

Thanks G - from Neil, the other friend in the story

I wanted to thank Gideon for sharing our story with the aish.com readers.
Reconnecting with the Slippowitzs after all these years was an amazing experience.
I'm sorry to see that some readers question our motives and/or our sincerity. I suppose everyone reads, and for that matter, views the world through their own personal lense - however Gideon is a kind man, and a great writer and he wanted to share this unique experience which ties in nicely with Yom Kippur. I'm glad to see people comment on this article, and its great to see positive feedback but I wish people would leave personal judgements to a higher power.
I'll respond some of the questions/comments: Danny lives in another city now, we hope to be able to get together with him at some point in the future.
Sorry there was no twist ending, but as fun as it would be, it was important to tell the story as it really happened without turning it into an M. Night Shyamalan screenplay ;)

(21)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:38 AM

LOVED this!

I was laughing and laughing OUT LOUD as I read this! this was beautifully and sensitively written- as well as thought provoking. THANK YOU!

(20)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:38 AM

it made me cry

such a wonderfull story, like all I read in Aish

(19)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:37 AM

The Essence of Judaism

The second most important mitzva in the Torah is "love you neighbor as yourself" (the first is love of Hashem). According to Ari (and the Zohar) all other mitzvot pale in comparison this one. Lashan Hara is the means to not only belittle this mitzva, it actually destroys its essence and with it the essence of Judaism itself.
Let the readers of this article realize that nothing but nothing destroys the essence of our being, our world, our religion, our spirits, than Lashan Hara.
The next time you want to open your mouth to "tell a story", give yourself 15 seconds of pause and think about whether it is the right thing to do. Chances are you'll decide not to tell the story and with it you will have signficantely enahanced your spirituality and that of the entire world.
Remember what the Talmud says: "Saving a single soul is like saving an entire world". And ditto for destroying one.

(18)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:37 AM

Disappointing article

I didn't feel this article was up to the standard I have come to expect from Aish. I so often feel uplifted after reading something on your site, but this left me feeling the author was "smug" about his 20 years of talking about Danny and the family, still taking it as kind of a joke and not *really* feeling remorse for it. Although he and his buddy were friends with Danny in their youth, it seems he
now has regret more for not realizing Danny would make something of himself than he does for speaking badly about Danny and the family all those years, always telling about the family as a joke.

(17)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:37 AM

thanks

Haven't we all been at this point of realization at one time or another? Thank you for warming my heart with your honesty.

(16)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:36 AM

if Danny became a real estate mogul, then what was his mother doing in the old crappy house?

(15)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:36 AM

The comment of "Anonymous" entitled "more embarrassment" may, in turn, unintentionally cause embarrassment to the author, who made himself vulnerable by sharing this story.
Most of us speak lashon hara and cause other people embarassment unintentionally. That's the point of the article.

(14)
Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:35 AM

more embarrassment

I read the whole artcle and appreciate the thought behind it, appologizing for a wrong done to another person. Despite the good intentions to make amends I think the actions of Neil and Gideon were not straight forward enough. They describe Danny and his family as awkward and strange at the beginning of the articel, making it very possible to leave this impression as true to readers who do not finish the entire article, and with that adding new injury. Secondly I think that definitely they should go to Danny to appologize in person. They are taking the easy way out by making themself look interesting as "authors" with this public appology. If you really feel you did wrong then make it right with the person who was injured by your actions, not strangers like me.

(13)
Anonymous,
October 1, 2006 1:05 PM

Touching story

I've been the subject of similar stories. Can't say I went on to be as successful as Danny did (I hope you didn't use their real names!)Kids can be so cruel to someone who is different. They usually don't change much as they grow up either.

(12)
Neil,
September 28, 2006 2:09 PM

Hi it's Neil... the other friend in the story

Thanks for sharing our experince Gideon...great job. I'm happy that most people seem to enjoy and even gain something from the story.

I'll respond some of the questions/comments:

Danny lives in another city now, we hope to be able to get together with him at some point in the future.

Sorry there was no twist ending, but as fun as it would be, it was important to tell the story as it really happened without turning it into an M. Night Shyamalan screenplay ;)

(11)
TovaSaul,
September 27, 2006 9:27 AM

Thanks

This was just so much fun to read. Laughed loudly at least twice. Thanks.

(10)
EvanBench,
September 26, 2006 9:44 PM

All too true to life.....

I'm afarid that too many of us tend to stretch or make up the ending's of others lives or stories that we don't know the end of or how things have turned out yet we act as if or speak as if we are in the know. Then SADLY later having to repent and try to recall all of the wrong you may have caused, OH how sad I've felt because of a quick tongue trying to look smart......

(9)
Sarah,
September 26, 2006 4:33 PM

There is a Danny in Each One of us

Beautiful and heartwarming. Labels are so easily put on others and yet they stick whether they are appropriate or beneficial. I guess it's easier than getting to know the person as an individual. I know many Danny's who have left schools for NO REASON other than being from a different economic or social group. Schools need to accept individuality and not expect conformity or promote rejection by disregarding the feelings of children from homes that differ from the usual. May we all be forgiven the sins of our youth! At least Neil and Gideon saw the truth about what happened and put it all into a proper perception. I am glad things worked out well for Danny. Often the damage done in schools is irreversable and a children will have distorted images of themselves they carry around with them and which are harmful. This had a good ending at least.

(8)
Anonymous,
September 26, 2006 4:24 PM

"Sorry Danny" a good and necessary telling.

A lesson a lot of folks need to learn. I am glad to see in print how these men dealt honestly with their sin. I believe it is an encouragement to us all, and feel it was a worthy topic to relate.

(7)
DanieleValabrega,
September 26, 2006 2:16 AM

It is never too late to do or undo;the worst is not to do.

(6)
NormaImber,
September 25, 2006 9:41 PM

I read the whole thing because it held my interest but I thought there would be a twist to the end.But good anyway.

(5)
Tammy,
September 25, 2006 4:45 PM

I liked your story

Thank you so much for your story. It reminded me of my childhood. I always tried to befriend any student who was new at our school and I myself had to go through being the new student. Some people thought I was genuinely strange through the years and I got picked on for it but others accepted me just as I was. I never graduated from high school but got a GED instead so I don't have class reunions to go to, but I do wonder what people think of me after all these years if they even think of me at all. It is so sad that just because someone may be a little different that they are considered weird and then the rumors start flying about them. It helps so much when someone just accepts you for who you are and welcomes you in to their fold.

(4)
Anonymous,
September 25, 2006 4:02 PM

Thank you

Gideon and Neil if Danny grabs one Caramilk, you are forgiven. A beautiful story it brought tears to my eyes.

(3)
RuthHalligan,
September 25, 2006 10:19 AM

So? Where is he?

(2)
BarbaraFarkas,
September 25, 2006 9:39 AM

It really made me think and recount my ways and what I have done in the past. It was a wonderful Story. Have I judged people like they have? I will ask forgiveness and now, with Yom Kippur coming up, just perfect!

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...