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The Key To Effective Communicating

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Looks like the critics were wrong about this one…too. Kandi Burruss and Marvin Sapp’s Stay Prayed Up made it to #1 on itunes Gospel charts. Hold up, the queen of reality tv sex toys has the #1 gospel song? That just can’t be!

Well obviously it can be and it is. People are so busy and quick to judge others that they don’t have time to see the error in their own ways. Most of those talking are the ones at the club Sunday morning rushing home to get a couple hours of sleep before showing up to sing in the choir in the first service. Kandi in my opinion is openly displaying what so many of us do a horrible job of concealing. We all have more than one side to our personalities, it’s the denial of this fact that burdens us with so much unnecessary stress.

Who can say to Ms. Burruss that she shouldn’t make a song about what she believes? To say so would only be stating what you believe…(smh). How long must we endure the wrath of the unlearned? How long must we be subjected to the unconscious and willfull ignorance of the majority?

I read an article the other day about a woman who was arrested for selling adult toys. I thought that to be strange so I read on. Come to find out that it wasn’t because she was selling the toys, it was because she didn’t call them novelty items. It’s apparently against the law to sell adult toys and call it that in that county (this was in TX).

Throughout history man has struggled with the concept of sex; be it about homosexuality, sex before/ during marriage, masturbation etc.. It seems that we’ve put the so-called shame of sex at the forefront of our very existence and we’re baffled by the confusion that has followed. It’s not complicated at all, either become non-human or accept the whole of you that is human. Things only become taboo when you’re told not to do them…

Most people would reject the notion that they’re capable of being hypnotized… because they don’t believe in such foolishness. Being hypnotized is for weak-minded people they say.

I’m not really mad at them for thinking this way since it’s only due to misinformation about this topic. If you’ve ever watched television, speak a language, learned thewords to a song, if you’ve ever read a book etc. you’ve been hypnotized. Hypnosis is simply being open to suggestions while in a relaxed, hyper – state of awareness. Think about when your favorite song is on, you tune everything out around you and you’re focused on every word the artist says. The more you hear it, the more words you remember, but more importantly, you’re connecting with how it makes you feel.

I’ve written a bit about the Physical and the Emotional behaviors because your personality determines what you’re most suggestible to. Physicals are more suggestible to tangible things or objects, Emotionals are more suggestible to words or intellectual stimulation. This is why one person remembers the scene in a movie and the other remembers the dialogue.

Once you’ve determined what your suggestibility is, you may then begin to suggest to yourself only the things that fit your life’s goal. You’ll become aware of things that are being suggested to you, but now you’ll be able to decide what to accept and what not to accept. By the way, every conversation is a battle of suggestions. The language that we use in conversation is based on our own suggestibility. If you’d like to be more efficient when communicating, use the other person’s suggestibility while communicating with them.

What does this have to do with dehypnotizing?

To dehypnotize means to become aware. Aware of how you take things and how you act on what you’ve interpreted to be reality. Why do you dress conservatively, or why are you a flashy dresser? Why are you so passionate or why are you seen as emotionless. These are all results of your suggestibility and how you’ve responded.

When you can zero yourself out (as I like to call it) meaning no people, no suggestions, no interruptions, no thoughts, you can begin the process of dehypnotizing yourself. Once you’re at zero, now input what you’d like for yourself into your subconscious mind and it becomes reality, just like learning the words to that song.

Reality becomes different once you see the world from the inside out, or by cause and effect.

-Dehypnotize

– Note – If you’ve hypnotized someone literally and you can’t seem to ‘un’hypnotize them, contact a professional who should ‘re’hypnotize them to bring them out of the hypnotic state.

One doesn’t have to become a nueroscientist to understand that there are two sides of the brain and we tend to lean more to one side than the other. What we typically fail to realize however, is how important learning the other side really is. Take a look at the chart below:

Which side best describes you most of the time? Are you equally represented on both sides? Which characteristics are presented that you don’t have but would like to? Let’s take a look at how the our suggestibility and sexuality are represented in this chart. Suggestibility being how we learn and Sexuality being how we act.

The Right brain or Physical behavior typically lives life from the present into the future whereas the Left brain lives from the future back to the present. Meaning that the physical lives more for the moment and whatever happens, happens (feelings). The Emotional makes present decisions based on what they perceive the future results will be (analytical). We call this the devil and the angel on our shoulder, one side is saying “Do it! Do it!” While the other side is saying, ” think….about…ittttt.” This means that we all have both sides, we simply suppress the subdominant side. When we meet someone who is our opposite, we’re subconsciously aware of and a lot of times attracted to this behavior; only to become an enemy of it later.

Our opposites represent the physical manifestation of the other side of our brains. This is what causes most of the troubles in relationships as it relates to communicating; which side is more dominant? If one person feels that they’re not getting their fair amount of representation, they’ll begin to become more exaggerated in their behavior. The emotional will become more distant and the physical will become more excited. Bom …Bom…Bommm…and the fighting begins.

The riddle here is for each side to learn the other for your own development. There are four parts to the equation, physical/emotional suggestible – physical/emotional sexual. This means that there are two ways that we see and do things (physical or sexuality) and two ways that we hear and interpret things (emotional or suggestibility). Ironically, we have two eyes, two ears, two sides to the testicles and the ovaries…all physical manifestations. I’m beginning to think that there’s something behind this opposites thing.

I guess it all comes back down to learning who and what you are, the good and the bad if you want to call it that. Once we obtain that balance within ourselves, it becomes easier to recognize and or build it in someone else. Alternating current or direct current mean nothing seperately, it’s not until they come together in a balanced equation do they make electricity or give power.

Our successes or failures come from the suggestions that have been placed in front of us along the way and how we’ve responded to them. If you look closely at the brain it kind of looks like a maze; it’s like we spend the majority of our lives trying to find a way out of it never realizing that the only way out is through.

Now this doesn’t mean that they’re back together and everything is fine, but it is a step in that direction. You see, the thing with Physicals is that they are very connected to their emotions at any given moment which gives the appearance of being unbalanced, hot-headed, bi-polar, passionate and many more emotional labels. Put two people of this personality together and get ready for the fireworks.

As I’ve mentioned before, two emotionals together don’t fare much better. Two Emotionals will take each other completely wrong and sabotage the relationship without ever knowing what went wrong. Emotionals can be too ‘deep’ for there own good. In the process of over analyzing everything, they neglect external communication and appear to be anti-social.

The best thing for any relationship is to be with your opposite. Yes this has it’s own challenges as well but they come from not wanting to learn from the other behavior. The brain is made up of a left side and a right side. You lean more to one side than you do the other, your partner should lean to the opposite side. This creates an environment for you to learn the side that you’re not using consciously.

This may sound too simple to be taken seriously, but this is the answer to all of our communication challenges. I wish Chad and Evelyn the best in their future, but I’m also looking forward to see what entertaining news develops from this ongoing reality show.

Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment… (Emotionally)

Although they have different meanings, these are both emotions that affect us in the short or long term. Lust takes control of our senses and won’t allow them to function properly; in other words lust is matter over mind. I think lust can be a good thing when it’s used correctly. I don’t subscribe to the idea that I was given the ability to feel extreme passion but if I feel it, it’s wrong.

As described in the definition, lust has to do with passion and passion is typically momentary. It’s not that you can be passionate about something over and over but it’s only in the moment that you feel it. The word itself comes with a negative stigma, placed there by someone who didn’t feel comfortable being overcome with passion. The problem with being overcome with passion is the decision-making process that follows. Typically there isn’t one. Once you’ve surrendered control to your feelings, logic takes a vacation; at least until the next morning.

Lust can make us do some silly things but love will make you do even worse things. This is why is hard for me to grasp the idea of love at first sight. In my opinion, there is no such thing. You can be extremely attracted to a person at first sight; however love is something that has to be built over time. This feeling gets confused with love often due to the ‘overmastering’ affect that it has on our emotions. I do believe that you can lust for a person and then grow to love them.

Love is like gravity, it’s comes across as a weak force but it’s ultimately what holds everything together. No matter how high our emotions may take us, love has a away of bringing us back to Earth. Love takes time because it requires understanding and this comes by way of experience; so how can you understand someone you don’t know or haven’t experienced?

So, don’t take the word love for granted, it is an investment of time, energy, sacrifice and so much more. Lust is simply a momentary feeling that once it’s gone has to be recreated by some other means. I believe that it causes more harm than good to tell ourselves that we’re wrong for having these feelings. Or better still that there’s a devil out there that’s causing us to feel the way we do. Just a bit of research would reveal why we see lust the way we do now; or why we view sex the way we do now.

If there is any wrong, it’s not understanding that these are human emotions and we all have them. The goal should be learning how and when to use them. If someone or something else causes your behavior, then you have no way of changing. However, when we take responsibility for our own actions change becomes inevitable.

It’s been 10 years since stories of the D.C. sniper disgraced the headlines. I read this story again after recently writing about troubled teens and I couldn’t believe how accurately this case manifested the power and possible dangers of suggestibility. I urge you to read this article:

Pay particular attention to the line where Malvo says, ” It got to a point where I’d get in a zone.” This “zoning out” feeling is a time when we are most suggestible. Whatever we’re suggesting to ourselves at the time is accepted as reality.

Malvo is now 27 years old, his frontal lobe area has developed more and now he sounds like a college educated individual. This of course does not excuse or undo the damage that he caused to so many lives, but it does show how vulnerable we all are to suggestion. We may not go on murderous rampages as a result but we do follow suggestion just as easily.

The language that we speak, the clothes that we wear have all been suggested to us as what’s right and we follow. Suggestibility is so powerful that you’ll make decisions based on it and think that it was your decision.

There is a way to at least reduce the amount of tragic stories we hear of our youth and that is through understanding. We keep trying to solve this riddle from the middle; we need to go to the beginning and identify the issue (suggestion) and then solve for x. Another way of saying this is, cure the cold and the runny nose goes away.

If you’ve ever heard a teenager utter the phrase, “No one understands what I’m going through”, for the most part they were correct. I say for the most part because unless you have a masters in physics or medical understanding of what happens in human development; you really don’t know what they’re going through.

As children we communicate based mostly on how we feel at the time for example, when we’re hungry or hurting or need to be changed. As we grow older our frontal lobe area begins to develop or mature and our communication abilities become more diverse. The frontal lobe area is our rational or logical decision making department of the brain. Here’s how Frances Jensen a pediatric neurologist at Children’s Hospital in Boston explains it:

“It’s the part of the brain that says: ‘Is this a good idea? What is the consequence of this action?’ ” Jensen says. “It’s not that they don’t have a frontal lobe. And they can use it. But they’re going to access it more slowly

This also may explain why teenagers often seem so maddeningly self-centered. “You think of them as these surly, rude, selfish people,” Jensen says. “Well, actually, that’s the developmental stage they’re at. They aren’t yet at that place where they’re thinking about — or capable, necessarily, of thinking about the effects of their behavior on other people. That requires insight.”

So, here are a few ways we currently manage the process of teen development.

Yell at them for not being as smart as we are

Ignore them and pray that it goes away

Talk to them from our “wise” positions

Punish them for it

How do they typically respond to this?

Rebel

Do poorly in school

Turn to alcohol or drugs

Runaway

Basically, anything to get away from the rejection, depression or negative feeling they may be experiencing at the time. These are all feelings based reactions. How we feel about things begins as a thought, once this thought is accepted it becomes a part of our subconscious behavior. We then act on what we “know” automatically.

Let’s say that a teenager commits a crime while acting based on their feelings at the time. He or she will be incarcerated with other like or worse minded individuals at one of the most suggestible times of their lives.

The Pew Center on the States has released a major new empirical study on recidivism rates among released prisoners. Bottom line: about 40 percent are returned to prison within three years of release. About half are returned for violations of parole conditions, and half for new convictions. Return-to-prison rates vary widely among the states, from 22.8 percent in Oregon to 61.2 percent in Minnesota. Wisconsin’s 46-percent rate is a little above the national average.

This means that roughly half of the people convicted of crimes in the US return to prison. This is a problem. Even if the person doesn’t return to prison; having a criminal record makes it extremely difficult to lead a productive life. This makes a life of crime more attractive and thereby increases the chances of a repeat offender… brilliant! I think prisons should play self improvement CDs over the loud speakers all day and all night. That alone would probably drop the crime rate in half. They’d either change or kill themselves to keep from having to hear anymore.

Let’s say a teenage girl get’s pregnant. Now in addition to her brain developing and all that comes along with that process, her hormones are about to start performing circus tricks. The child comes into the world under these circumstances and learns communication from someone who hasn’t quite grasped the concept herself… and the cycle continues.

This all comes back to that sneaky word suggestibility. Whatever you continually suggest to someone becomes real after a while. This doesn’t mean that if you say happy and positive things to your child often they will become good kids. Your child is not only picking up on what you say, they’re also learning how you say it. Your movements and gestures are all being recorded and this becomes what the child accepts as normal or correct. If your communication ability with others needs improvement, your child’s will too.

This is important because as a teenager expression is one the biggest priorities, if not the only one. Whether it’s through sex, introversion, acting out or simply leaving, a teenager is going to express him or herself. At the core, expression is only energy trying to find where it fits in on this grid of electricity called life.

Lastly, “proper” communication comes from listening and paying attention to nonverbal communication signals. Don’t simply listen to what is said, listen to what he or she is saying. “I want to go hang out with my friends”, could mean that you’re not spending enough time; or they could just want to go hang out with their friends…