22 Answers

I was accused of elder abuse. APS came out and investigated and the case was closed. It was obvious mom was happy and well cared for. The social worker was wonderful. While she was meeting with my mom, I sat in the kitchen and wrote down all contacts of people who were involved in mom's care, along with neighbors, relatives, etc.

The accuser was anonymous, but I know it was my sibling who has not seen her mother in over 30 years. Mom has Alzheimer's, and sibling would get mom to pay all her bills etc. - she has been unemployed most of her life. So when mom came to live with me, her income stopped.

The social worker told my mom, that she needed to stay with us. If you haven't done anything wrong, I wouldn't worry about it. Document everything, keep every receipt. Absolutely, fight for your rights. Work with APS and show them you are your parent's advocate.

As for all the comments about POA - I don't' agree that you should never use family. Each situation was different. Since mom, lived with me, it made sense for me to have POA. I really am the only one who cared for her.

I have been accused twice. Cops were called in. Both times reported by my Mother who I am taking care of. They were informed I had hit her. I wasn't worried one tiny bit. Been her POA for about 30 yrs and have done her bills and banking for a good 20 yrs. Have rescued her from 2 of her brats, I can't count the times. I answered their questions truthfully. They checked with her doctor and interviewed her and dismissed it. She isn't always clear in the head but she told them I never have hit her. If U did nothing, U should be alright

It is my experience that many times in these situations, there is a person or persons who have been close to the relative and can be a doctor or RN. The POA often has not got the medical background to make the correct decisions, but no one else was asked or wants to be the POA. But they will gripe, complain and be a general problem. It is my opinion that most squabbles are really about who gets the most money when the person dies. It is a terrible mess. When there are several children, there are often conflicting loyalties and some who live out of town who have millions in the bank, do not want to help at all but want to be around when the money is distributed. It seems to be the squabbles and problems are usually rooted in family members wanting a lot of money from the relative when they die. My opinion. This is from my experience reading on here and also dealing with people in my life time.

It is horrible to be put in this situation. I had a sibling to accuse me after 3 years of caring for my sick widowed dad. In the end, it fired back on the sibling that reported me because she was actually exploiting and stealing from parent. When I was being investigated, I realized that she had been writing monthly checks to herself and having my dementia father sign. After going out of town, she turned around and had my parent sign a revoke me as POA. Eventually I was advised to file a report against the exploiting sibling who had turned my name into be investigated. It was crazy! Amazing how family members can become greedy and so shady. It was horrible because my dad's care is very expensive and to know that there is a sibling trying to steal from him and blame it on me was a very horrible time and experience.

1. Don't be a POA without POA compensation and authority. There is a time for love and a time for business2. Document what you're doing. Simple daily log.3. It is usually those who don't have a clue who accuse.4. See no. 2

One of my brothers, not PoA, accused me of stealing from Dad's credit card. My other brother, PoA checked all of my records and disproved it. However, he has no idea of financial responsibilities of the caregiver. He wanted me to pay rent. I have read on this site about a caregiver also accused of mishandling $$$, that was taken to elder court and the accusing sister with the PoA had to pay court costs, attorneys fees and $2,000.00 a month for 2 years, $48,000. and to continue at $2.000. a month. The 2 sisters got their poor feelings hurt and kept taking the caregiver sister to court to put their mother in independent care. Now they are paying $7,000. a month. The 2 sisters got vindictive at their poor mother's expense. Sad and mean. Caregiver sister was doing this out of love at NO charge and now. Very sad. So your brother could lose more than he thinks. She didn't have a caregiver agreement either. Nor do I. I will take what is dished out, except being taken advantage of. As of now it is over 6 years and I am losing more than $150.00 monthly from SS benefits because of not contributing from not working. God bless.

my experience with 'famblee' (from when I was around 9 or so and watched the shenanigans with a deceased 'aunt') makes me glad I don't have any. For every good family there seem to be 3 or 4 sh****y ones. and it is always the same scenarios as the OP. ALWAYS!!! So, when you are thinking of giving your little baby another baby brother or sister so they have each other...think twice. From where I work the expression is 'cover your posterior'. And, finally, if you have been honest and decent, trust to karma. She has a way of biting people like these in their own rear ends, and usually 3 times over.Defending yourself? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Sometimes you have to let go and hope it works out for the best. Don't be surprised if the POS that caused all this, and after everything is stolen, dumps the elder and demans you come back and care for him.good lord i'm glad I don't have famblee

You have every right to defend yourself and document what happens untoward all the time. Whoever is the accuser remains anonymous, so when the case manager comes to access your home situation, you can make your case. That person will either close the case or refer it to court. Been there, done that.

It's pretty much impossible to win your name back. You have no way of knowing who was told the lies about you. I have a similar situation. My brother was POA for parents.He took advantage of my mother and removed " stole" a half of million . I found this all out after his death. He also changed my dads will and replaced me with his family members.the financial adviser at Morgan Stanley would not accept my POA, I had to hire a lawyer to get past statements to try to figure out what exactly happened. My brother also put TOD agreements on all of parents assets. Eventually I was able to move parents financials to Edward jones.that is when I was accused of financial elder abuse. I was investigated by APS. Charges were unsubstantiated . My name was cleared. But was it really? How many people were told I stole my dads money and were never told any different. STILL BITTER IN WESTERN PA!!!!

Patpal13 Your Question is very brief..... I can see You are Caring for You Father at home Who is suffering from diabetes. You are being accused of some thing very serious and Youl need to pull out all the stops to prove Your innocence, as Your Name and Caracter is on the Line here. Hire the best Legal Expert in this Field, and win Your Name back. Good Luck.

If you were accused of taking Moms meds, wouldn't labs tests show that she was getting the prescribed dose and the same tests show none were in your system? That would make it pretty cut and dry I would think. I feel, if you are going to be a caregiver, then you should have the POA and medical POA. Especially the medical. If so, then keep records of bills, food etc if ever asked for proof. Nothing goes out of my Moms bank account that isn't for her. I charge her personnal stuff, then write a check when the charge comes in. All receipts for these checks are kept. If the POA is not the caregiver and makes a stink, let them have the responsibility of parents care. It all comes down to control and greed.

I would like to add that seniors who make a family member POA should think twice. It is better for family peace and protection to make a trusted professional your POA. Let all the family members know who it is and try and get an understanding of why you are doing this.

I guess I didn't answer the question after my rant, sorry! You don't have any rights if you have no legal documentation that your a care giver, BUT by law, you have 30 days to move out of the house once you receive the eviction papers and you can file against the landlord for reimbusement.

My mom went through being accused of elder abuse to grandma. My aunt convinced my mom to move back to Texas so she would have additional help with grandma. My mom found a good memory care home to put her in and my aunt did not agree to it and wanted my grandma in a home closer to where she lived. My mom was the caregiver, POA, and executor of the will and she is older herself and couldn't drive the distance to that nursing home. In 6 months of us moving to Texas, because my aunt was not getting her way, called APS on my mom and all grandma's accounts were frozen. She was taken out of the nursing home mom found for her in to another one chosen by the state. My aunt and estranged cousin( had not contacted or seen my grandma in years)attempted to try a become the caregiver and executor. However, in mediation regarding this issue, against my mom's and attorney's advice, I suggested grandma's care and finances stayed with the state or 3 party. Nobody, but grandma's ad litum attorney and the mediator thought this was a good idea, as my aunt was not going to stop accusing my mom and my mom..an older person herself...would not be able to handle the stress of it all. As time went on, the charges were unfounded against my mom and my aunt, who thought she could have her way simply because she has a PHD in psycology, ended up being the most disliked person at the appointted nursing home. The appointted Gaurdian stopped having anything to do with her, as she accused her of things and tried to replace her. My aunts attorney, told my aunt to back off and calm down. To make a long story short, there will always be an aggressive family member and a passive one. The passive one trusts too much and doesn't have much hind sight in to what could happen. If your a caregiver, make sure you document...document....document. Start a log with dates and times for medication, interaction with relatives...particularly ones with aggressive petsonalities....doctor appointments, everything. Caregiving is a job, sometimes with benefits and sometimes without, but approaching it as an occupation and backing up your work is imperative.

Caregivers please listen. Never agree to being the caregiver unless either you or a non-relative professional is the POA. Bigski situation is not that unusual. Relatives who are not the caregivers love to mettle and claim they could do a better job, yet they DO NOT want to do the work.

you need to engage an attorney to help with your defense. Make sure the attorney is a elder law expert and preferably has experience with this issue. People often think that attorneys are too expensive. But when caring for an elderly person, you need to have an attorney who will represent your best interests. If you think that you can represent yourself, don't do it.

If you have been formally accused, a report has likely been made to Adult Protective Services. Even in the best states, APS workers are undertrained and overwhelmed by heavy caseloads. APS typically does not regard itself as required to give "full and fair disclosure" to the accused but it can make police reports. From your post, it does not appear that this has happened or, if it has, that it affects your job.

Documentation is so important. You seem to have done that.

Legal caregiver contracts are also important. Family members shy away from them but too often wind up wishing they had had one.

Since patpat13 isn't responding, I will! My POA brother is accusing me of prescription abuse without producing evidence. I backtracked the anxioty med usage with refill dates, etc. As this really bothered me. I was way under the allowed dosage, only didn't use it 'as needed', but on a daily basis. My dad's Dr. Noted that I should "back off" of dosage, but it was never noted as serious. POA brother fired me from live-in Caregiving and evicted me from father's house within 3 days. I'm without a residence or a job, all my time is spent getting evidence together, paperwork for a lawyer, and wondering where I'm going to get the money to fight back. There is no reasoning with the POA, as he's broken all forms of communication with me, and I with him. As it stands now, I'm going to talk to a lawyer asap, as I'm barred from seeing my father w/o supervision, per poa. Legal Caregiver contacts are SO IMPORTANT, but there's also so many other things that can come up when you trust a sibling to be reasonable, then they plan for months to sabotage their parents peaceful environment and steady, loving care from a relative!! My poor father is sitting in a strange home without his daughters touch, voice, rubdowns and other familiar things he once had with his wife for 65 years. His dementia and physical state has rapidly declined within 3 weeks. What a travesty!

I think it also depends on who's doing the accusing, what the circumstances are, what the situation is and similar issues. Was it APS, your parent, your sibling, a neighbor? Sometimes people make accusations even though they don't know what's really going on.

What were you accused of doing? Who is conducting the investigation? Are you keeping written records of all finances and medical problems? It will be investigated, required by law and be completely forth coming about everything! If you try to avoid you will only be suspected more and look guilty.

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