Reignite Friendship in Your Marriage

Romantic relationships often get their start in healthy friendships. Think back to the days when you and your spouse were dating and then engaged — the long talks, romantic picnics, casual walks, endless adventures and the fun you shared together. Then somewhere in the busyness of married life you lost sight of that friendship. And unfortunately, the flames of romance are no longer raging in your marriage without a solid friendship.

Studies now back up the understanding that friendship helps romantic relationships. The National Bureau of Economic Research notes that researchers found that individuals who consider their spouse to be their best friend get about twice as much life satisfaction from marriage as do other married people. The Gallup Organization has calculated that a couple’s friendship could account for 70 percent of overall marital satisfaction. In fact, the emotional intimacy that a married couple shares is said to be five times more important than their physical intimacy. Apparently, growing a stronger friendship with your spouse needs to be of high priority because it will help lead to an overall stronger marriage.

I’ve seen this in my own marriage. My husband, Greg, and I were great friends prior to dating. We began our friendship in college because I dated his roommate — who had dated Greg’s sister. (Yes, this has provided many delightful conversations over the years.) Our friendship led us to the realization that we really had fun together and enjoyed each other, so we began dating. The four years of friendship built a solid basis for our romantic relationship, and 25 years after our wedding, we can see what a gift that friendship foundation has been to our marriage. It’s carried us through the ups and downs of our relationship because the friendship qualities of common kindness, honesty, empathy, loyalty and trust have brought stability to our marriage.

What happened to us?

As many couples settle into married life, the friendship can begin to fade. Often it is due to over-commitment, exhaustion, social-media overload, marriage administration or simply ceasing to do the “little things” for each other.

All these things have a negative impact on a marriage friendship. As you read through that list, did you consider whether any of those issues have weakened the special connection you have with your husband or wife?

Regardless of the cause, the fading of the friend connection in marriage can lead to a lonely, isolated experience. I’ve heard many women say, “We just aren’t friends anymore — it feels like we are just roommates living parallel lives.” If this is your experience, you are not alone.

What can we do to rebuild?

If you desire to rekindle the friendship in your marriage, there are a few simple things you can do. Consider the following:

Laugh together. Look for ways to laugh together … often! Laughter sets a light-hearted tone in marriage, often making a husband and wife feel safe in the relationship. Tell stories of the past, reminisce about silly things you once said or did, or watch a funny TV show or movie together.

Recognize the differences in how men and women view friendship. Male friendships tend to have different qualities than female friendships. Most men prefer “shoulder-to-shoulder” activities; so if you are a wife wanting to connect with your husband, engage in an activity with him. Most women love deep conversation in order to feel connected; so if you are a husband desiring to connect with your wife, take her for a cup of coffee and enjoy the discussion.

Take an interest in what interests your spouse. Although we all have different likes and dislikes, there are times when we’d do well to sacrifice for each other by participating in what our spouse loves to do. I love to bargain shop — Greg typically hates shopping. So when he offers to come along with me to my favorite store, I feel very connected to him. Now, there is one type of shopping that Greg loves, and that’s shopping for antiques. So when I get on board with his area of interest, it ultimately gives me an amazing opportunity to connect with my husband.

Don’t overcommit yourself. Leave special blocks of time on your calendar for just the two of you. We all run at such a fast pace that we need to create opportunities for connection with each other. Spontaneous times and activities are great, but realistically, most couples probably need to plan for shared time together. Prioritizing our marriage friendship should be apparent by the activities on our calendar.

Put your cell phone down. We often don’t recognize that having our eyes glued to our cell phone or computer can actually rob us of opportunities to connect with each other. Our spouse deserves our undivided attention — and our eye contact. In my marriage relationship, I struggle with screen distractions the most. I feel guilty even writing this, but I have to continually remind myself to “set it down” when Greg is around. I don’t want to continue missing out on the daily connections that are available with him. And I want him to feel confident that he is more important than any incoming texts or emails.

How do we reignite the romantic spark?

Don’t stop intentionally pursuing each other as friends. And remember that you need to be the type of friend you desire your spouse to be for you. That means you need to model the kind of friendship you want to experience with your husband or wife.

Greg and I have now been married for almost a quarter of a century, and I’m certain that not one pursuit we’ve shared has been more profitable than the pursuit of a thriving friendship with each other. We’ve discovered that the time, effort and intentionality have been more than worth it. We are reaping relational benefits today, and we’re confident that we’ll reap more in the years to come.

Pastor Josh has had a love for radio since he was a youngster. His inspiration came from the times he spent watching his grandfather in radio studios back in Wisconsin. If you have been a Proclaim FM listener for any amount of time, you know Pastor Josh’s voice as he has filled in for our on-air DJ’s over the last couple of years. Needless to say, PJ knows his way around the studio and he has a gift that just keeps on giving…. The gift to gab is a multi-generation talent that has been passed down through the family line!

When not hanging out around the Proclaim FM studios, Pastor Josh leads a network of churches that he has helped to plant throughout Ohio, specifically in the rural portions of the state. He is also on the state leadership team for the Assemblies of God, where he oversees 20+ churches and 80+ credential holders in NW Ohio.

Pastor Josh and his wife Stacey met and were married while at Bible College and have 3 teenagers that keep them busy. The family homestead, Pleasant Acres, allows them the opportunity to raise chickens and produce maple syrup from the trees on their property. In the summer months, PJ and Stacey add another member to their family… Harvey the RV… 33ft long and he takes the family on getaways to relax and refresh!

Be sure to tune in to PJ in the Midday, 12-3pm, Monday through Friday, for all of the music you love and the stories that will cause you to laugh or to say, “Come Again?” Needless to say, you don’t want to miss out!

Rebecca Vassar

Becky spent years working in Christian & Gospel Radio before she joined the team at Proclaim FM in 2012. She loves music! She has sung as a part of New Breed/Israel Houghton on New Season, as well as 52 other music projects as a backup vocalist, lead vocalist and vocal coach.

She has been a Receptionist, Program Director, Host and Co Host of 2 Morning Shows, Producer & Production Director, Interim GM and now is honored to fill the spot of General Manager here at Proclaim FM. Celebrating 27 years with her husband, Craig, a teen son Dominic, a step‐daughter Katrina, and 3 grandkids, Giana, Trae’shon, and Leilani. Becky also has a dog, Sadie.

Derek Lentz

Derek holds a Bachelors Degree from the University of Toledo and has lived in the area for the past 26yrs. Derek worked several years as both the Event Planner and Managed the Student Health and Activites Center at Owens Community College. Derek has been blessed with being a part of events such as President Bushes visit to the area and the National Guard Coming Home Ceremony. Growing up as a child he has always had a fascination of seeing how things work. To much of his parents dismay when something broke around the house instead of getting a shiny new appliance he would tear it apart and find the component that needed to be fixed. With this said he decided to test the waters in the Maintenance Field mid way through his career. Derek then decided to take a job in Maintenance Field at Berner Trucking and was the Assistant to the Director of Maintenance at Bio-Fit Engineered Products. When Derek is not working he enjoys spending time going to church, being with his family and friends, various outdoor activities, volunteering in the community and old historical sports cars.

Sarah Oehler

Former anchor and reporter for the news at WTOL 11, that was what brought her back to Toledo, Ohio. The friends she made here before as a news reporter have welcomed her back like family and she’s made new amazing friends since returning here from her home state of Colorado. Sarah has 3 children and a husband who works with many non-profits. They fell in love after a conversation about their mutual love for travel and especially spreading the message of God’s love and Jesus’ transformative power to heal lives on their numerous mission trips to Mexico, El Salvador and other countries. Sarah knew from a young age she wanted to go into broadcasting, and she feels so blessed to be able to now use her voice to share her faith and play positive, uplifting music for Proclaim’s listeners. She holds a degree in Broadcast Journalism, and has worked in Washington DC, Wyoming, Texas and Ohio as a news anchor & reporter, and she has won several awards as well as an Emmy nomination. Sarah loves spending time with her kids, hiking, yoga, writing, knitting and reading.

Dawn Miller

Dawn started volunteering for us in the fall of 2017. She has a love for all things related to music and also to technology. She has volunteered in the past for Yes FM, WLMB TV-40, helping them with their fundraisers and with any other office assistance. She is also very active in her home church, Bethel Assembly of God. In February 2018, she came on board on a more permanent basis, volunteering her time in the front office and in production. Now on staff, she serves as our Digital Media Coordinator, and weekend host. You will see some of her work on our social media outlets, and on our website. In her spare time (what’s that!?!), Dawn enjoys singing, as well as digital scrapbooking.

Rebecca Verdugo

Although born and raised in Northwest Ohio, Rebecca experienced the life changing transformation of God in her life in Michigan over 25 years ago as she entered a church that God would use to change her life. An Army Veteran, along with wife and mother of three (Hannah, Isaac, and Daniela), Rebecca has dedicated her life to raising her family while serving as a pastor’s wife for 11 years, worship leader, and mentor. As time has passed, and the children entering adulthood, Rebecca knew God had more for her, something different. He led her to Proclaim FM where she has planted roots, poured her heart into this ministry, and has witnessed the amazing power of God to not only meet the desires of the heart, but to exceed them. Rebecca truly believes Psalm 37:4 which reads: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” He has shown that in her life time and time again! Yes, she will admit to difficult times and many trial and oppositions along the way, but God has been merciful and faithful!

What does Rebecca like to do relax? She will certainly say a good cup of coffee and her porch swing would be rated highest on her list! She enjoys a good book, a good movie, good conversation, and the company of her family as well. Oh, and MUSIC…she LOVES music!! Rebecca will tell you almost every song is her favorite! You may find this out if you listen to her morning show. With a genuine love for people and a good sense of humor (so she thinks), Rebecca’s mission is to be an encourager and servant to her community on whatever platform God provides for the season. This season, God has chosen Proclaim FM as the platform. What does the future hold for Rebecca? She would answer simply, “Only God knows and I trust He has my best interest in mind!”

Robin Sullivan

Robin was raised in an Irish Catholic home in Rhode Island. One of 5 children, her early years were devoted to the theater world and “socializing”, one amazing Friday night during the Jesus movement days, she got slam dunk born again. Robin entrenched herself in the Word of God and was immediately drawn to evangelism from her conversion. She began sharing the Gospel with the patrons at her father’ s pizza place (yes, Irish pizza). Next thing she knew, a radio gig opened up and she learned pretty quickly that she had a gift to communicate the Gospel. That is 30 something years ago and she hasn’t skipped a beat since then. Her radio career has been afternoon drive, first at WARV in RI, then she had the longest running afternoon drive show in the Detroit market on WMUZ. Now, the Lord has directed her path to Proclaim FM and she couldn’t be more grateful to daily be a witness to God’s love. Radio has become a huge platform from which Robin uses her theatrical abilities and sincerity to further the Kingdom of heaven. Day in and day out, she oozes with love for Jesus and has an uncanny ability to really encourage the listener to get close to God.

Fun facts:
She LOVES to cook (don’t you dare ask for her Mac and cheese recipe), bake, (chocolate chip cookies are her specialty) She LOVES to speak and share the Gospel in person, She LOVES the mission field, both here and abroad and has been to 15 countries sharing the Gospel, including India where her 501c3 ministry www.robinsullivan.com opened an orphanage and a church. Don’t try to beat her in Cribbage and she is a major fan of the Red Sox. She loves her friends and she adores her family. Robin loves life.