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Isaam, I'm sorry for your depression. I have always believed in the afterlife, since I was a small child, filled with amazement at how martyrs would give up this life in order to gain the after-life. And having been a hospice nurse for 18 years, I could never doubt it now. I have been at the bedside of atheists and believers at their moment of death. The horror and fear on the face of one atheist man, in particular, was a stark difference from the peaceful smile and wonder on the faces of many believers. I'm praying God will reveal Himself to you, that you will know you have a purpose in being created to spend eternity with the God you are not sure exists.
Peace with God,
MartyS

The Old Testament speaks of the pagan queen Jezebel bringing pagan practices to Israel, such as conjuring up the spirits of the dead, into the palace.
17 When Ahab saw Elijah, Ahab said to him, "Is it you, you troubler of Israel?"
18 And he answered, "I have not troubled Israel, but you have, and your father's house, because you have abandoned the commandments of the LORD and followed the Baals.
19 Now therefore send and gather all Israel to me at Mount Carmel, and the 450 Prophets of Baal and the 400 Prophets of Asherah, who eat at Jezebel's table." - 1 Kings 18:17-19
In June, 1996, the New York Times described Hillary Clinton bringing Jean Houston into the White House for counseling "sessions" wherein the First Lady gave voice to the departed Eleanor Roosevelt.
http://www.nytimes.com/1996/06/25/us/performing-seances-no-just-pushing-the-membrane-of-the-possible.html
Quoting Jonathan Cahn in his book, "Paradigm":
"In the Paradigm of Jezebel the queen is especially linked to the killing of children on the altars of Baal.
[The queen will become the nation's chief advocate and ambassador for the practice in which parents offer up their children. She will hold, defend, and champion the act as a sacred right and a sacrament.]
According to the paradigm of Jezebel, Hillary Clinton has likewise been especially linked to the act of killing children in abortion."
Jonathan Cahn, The Paradigm (Frontline Charisma Media/Charisma House Book Group, 2017), 38-39.

Keep me in your duas, and pray for me. It’s just hard for me. I don’t know anymore if there is a God. I don’t know f there is an afterlife. What if all the time I used to pray is wasted and there is no God? What if I had false hope my entire life of the afterlife? I’m lost and misguided. I feel depressed and that no one understands.

Ramadan 20 is the day before Imam Ali AS was martyred. After breaking your fast tonight, perform ahya (amal to get closer to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)) and mourn the martyrdom of Imam Ali AS.
http://www.duas.org/laylat_aamaal.htm

Ramadan 21 is the day that Imam Ali AS was martyred. May Allah accept your mourning and remembering Imam Ali AS during the days and nights of the Holy Month of Ramadan. A book about Imam Ali AS: Get PDF
https://www.al-Islam.org/polarization-around-character-Ali-ibn-abi-talib-murtadha-mutahhari

Ramadan 22 is the day after Imam Ali AS was martyred, so mourning continues. After breaking your fast tonight, perform ahya (amal to get closer to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)) and ask Him to forgive sins and fulfill your duas, because tomorrow is possibly Laylatul Qadr.
http://www.duas.org/laylat_aamaal.htm

I have dealt with my fair share of Mr... Collins, enough for a life time. Dear God! I am not asking for Mr... Darcy, but please don't make me the center of attention of another Mr... Collins again. Especially when my evil sister is always hanging out with Mr. Darcy type man and taunts me.