Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Top 10 Reasons Why Men Shouldn’t Be Ordained

This list was first published in 2009 on the Christian Feminism web site. I've scoured the site looking for a way to request permission to reprint, but cannot find any way to contact the site authors. So I'll hold my breath and hope they approve of my reposting!

Top 10 Reasons Why Men Shouldn't Be Ordained

10. A man’s place is in the army.

9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibilities of being a parent.

8. Their physical build indicates that men are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be “unnatural” for them to do other forms of work.

7. Man was created before woman. It is therefore obvious that man was a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. This is easily demonstrated by their conduct at football games and watching basketball tournaments.

5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshipers.

4. To be ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more frequently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes by any means other than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, change the oil in the church vans, and maybe even lead the singing on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the Church.

1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

Make sure everyone assigned to a task is in church to do it (including visiting priests and musicians)

Lead the service and announce songs, prayers, etc.

Ensure everything moves along swiftly and efficiently

Give a flawless, well-delivered sermon that speaks to people, or lead communion in an inspirational way

Reach out to visitors and guests

Greet church members warmly and kindly

Not get flustered by anyone who is angry, aggrieved, or stressed for a particular reason

Check in with members who are suffering from health or personal problems

Make sure the church building is not too cold, hot, dark, sunny, or noisy (those darned woodpeckers!)

Fill in if someone doesn't show up or needs assistance with one of the various tasks in the service

Pay attention to the congregation to see if anyone looks like they are struggling or in emotional pain

Keep track of her teenage daughter (if her husband is not there)

Listen and respond calmly and appropriately to everyone who approaches her

Make sure no one does anything outrageous or inappropriate (and if they do, figure out how to respond)

Ensure that the doors and windows are locked, or that someone has taken care of that

Be prayerful, prophetic, and worship, while doing all of the tasks above

I'm sure I've forgotten many others, and these are just on Sunday morning. The point is...there is a lot to keep track of, and generally women are better at juggling multiple tasks at once. Disagree? Let's hear it.

So remind me again why many denominations (including the Catholic church) are so adamantly opposed to ordaining women? Favorite excuses are "God said so," or "Jesus chose only male apostles." To that I say codswallop!