Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I have the most wonderful man in the world. I don't think I have shared much of our road before DD on my blog some of you know anyway that's for another day. Tyler has shown me unconditional love and when you see unconditional its so hard to pay it back.

I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for everything that I do and feeling like Tyler leaves me out. But honestly I don't go that extra mile like I used to. I guess because I feel he doesn't work as hard as I do. Man I throw a lot of blame his way. I always feel like I need him and I want him and I do but in the same since I gotta give him something to want and need.
﻿

This says it perfectly

So now I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission to be that woman he wants and needs. I know as I do all this it will fall into place.

So I'm on my own little road to submission. I used to write in a journal when we first started TTWD so now maybe I will use the blog for that. I want to focus more on being submissive I want to be the submissive that I really fantasize about being. I know I always say he doesn't embrace the spanking and stuff like I do .I think he does but I think he wants me to show him that this is what I really want.

So I'm going to work more on showing him love, attention and do more special things for him on a daily basis show him I do embrace him..

So this is where all my blogger friends come in handy I need help lol..

I want to come up with things I can do special for him daily. Rubbing his feet, leave him notes. I do make a plate for his dinner and take it to him. I know he likes that because he commented when I didn't do it for a while.. Hmm maybe kneel by him to talk to him??

Anyway if anyone has suggestions or ideas they would be greatly appreciated. I am going to try and put a border around that poem I wrote "The Submissive Her" and get it laminated.

I know we have been at TTWD for about 3yrs now. It seems in the last year with everything that has gone on in our lives and when I left the boards we just kind of put TTWD aside.. (Ok ok maybe I did.)

He has never stopped being dominant and wanting respect. He just went in and out of discipline and just lectures and I just flew around like a free bird. In this time I feel our closeness that we built the first 2yrs has gone some and we just aren't getting along like we were. Things aren't running smoothly. I know when I/We embrace TTWD then things are better.

Things have been going ok last week or so. Last night Tyler and I had an empty house and we just laid in the bask of silence talking.. (Yes only talking lol were old) Funny thing is while we were home alone it really was the first time that I didn't feel I needed a spanking or that we needed any affirmation or reminder spanking. Although had he done it then that would've been hot and exciting lol.

Anyway while talking to him I realized I have done a lot of worrying about what he hasn't done for me etc instead of worrying about what I can do for him. This made me feel bad. He's right I been so worried about what he was and wasn't doing and I forgot to worry about myself.

So I'm on my own little road to submission. I used to write in a journal when we first started TTWD so now maybe I will use the board for that. I want to focus more on being submissive I want to be the submissive that I really fantasize about being. I know I always say he doesn't embrace the spanking and stuff like I do .I think he does but I think he wants me to show him that this is what I really want.

So I'm going to work more on showing him love, attention and do more special things for him on a daily basis show him I do embrace him..

So this is where all my blogger friends come in handy I need help lol..

I want to come up with things I can do special for him daily. Rubbing his feet, leave him notes. I do make a plate for his dinner and take it to him. I know he likes that because he commented when I didn't do it for a while.. Hmm maybe kneel by him to talk to him??

Anyway if anyone has suggestions or ideas they would be greatly appreciated. I am going to try and put a border around that poem I wrote "The Submissive Her" and get it laminated.

I was reading a blog that I used to read all the time and was crusing around and found this post. I got to know this couple pretty well and others may too. However I loved loved loved Christophers respone in that post. I just dont understand some people!!

Do some people not realize that they probably have a DD friend or 2? I mean if my friends were cruising around and found DD on the web they would probably think the same as some "OOO He must be a monster, these woman are brain washed." And all the while they dont realize that someone that practices DD is sitting right next to them hahaha!!

I"m not saying DD woman arent abused because some are just like non-dd woman. However an abusing husband, boy friend, whatever does not need spanking as an excuse to abuse a woman. I mean seriously people!!!

I did share DD with a few friends and one i shared my blog with. after reading my blog he came back and had a few questions.I think I've shared this before. He knows Tyler and I well and saw me everyday. He asked me if I was abused and scared of Tyler.. I said "Do I look abused, do i seem scared of Tyler?" I mean Tyler and I go back and forth teasing eachother. I'm a VERY INdependent strong willed Woman.

As Christopher says in his post "Ella would get along just fine with out me." Thats how I am with Tyler. I can totally take care of myself and I have for years. WHen I brought DD up to Lee and he took over. I felt free.. WHen I'm holding the reigns and calling more shots I hate it!! I hate it!! I hate it.. I have taken care of myself pretty much since I was 12yrs old. I'm the youngest of 6. Yes my parents were wonderful parents and always there for me but by the time I was 16 my mom was 50. She was tired from raising kids. My parents and I took care of eachother.

WHen Tyler and I married I took care of him then a baby then another baby and everyone elses baby and another baby of my own.. I dont like it..

My job I have i work with soon to be 3 men and I take care of them!! I love love love my job but sometimes I loathe ALLL my responsibilty. I have to remember things for 7 soon to be 8 people!! I have to do things and take care of 8 people!!.

So when TYler is in full swing (Pun intended) Of this TTWD I feel free!!!

Do you have sex with the lights on or
off? Usually always lights off. I don't really like them on

What's your favourite "around the
house" outfit? Usually sweats and a t-shirt and sweatshirt all year round..Yes!! IN the summer lol.. My whole family is hot blooded and I'm Cold blooded. We keep it at 69 degrees all year round gah!!!

How do you drink your coffee or tea?Coffee is in a Frappe form. I Prefer Carmelicous Frappes blended or Vanilla Frappes in a jar

Are you a bargain hunter? I try to be

Do you think bald men are sexy? Yes I do Tyler shaved his head the night before our wedding so i really wasn't given a choice!! LOL

Are you a good driver? I think so everyone but Tyler thinks so haha

In a 24 hour period, how many hours do
you spend watching TV? Well since Tyler is a tv aholic about 2-4hrs a day.. Occasionally I watch more on the weekends but i really hate the tv

Name the last book you read. The last book was a fiction book written by a friend

Would you rather be hot or cold?
I would rather be hot. I spend 90% of my life being cold and I hate IT!!!!

How many hours a day to you spend on
the Internet? I'm not sure I use it all day at work but being on blogs i don't know. I read from my phone. O probably to many

Do you like facial hair on a man? Yes only on the face though. I don't like much on the rest of the body. All the guys I've been around my life were body builders, swimmers, wrestlers and they shave their hair. My future daughter-in-laws will think me because my boys shave their body hair for the most part and keep those arm pits trimmed up ewww!!

Are you a smoker? Unfortunately yes!! Sigh but only cigarettes!! Hopefully soon I will be a quitter!!

Saturday, July 20, 2013

I struggle alot with my feelings. I have huge feelings and most times i leave them inside. When someone i know hurts I hurt. I want to fix everything and take their pain why BECAUSE I CAN HANDLE IT!!
Yeah thats what my inner mind screams. GIVE IT TO ME I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT!!! It screams again.

When people are going to get divorced I see a fun loving couple. I see the hurt inside of them. I know the pain she feels. She feels she is no longer in love with him and he feels that too. I know she can love him again I know because that was me. All the hurt I felt inside spun over onto Tyler. It caused alot of heartached in our lives but in the end we pushed through. He drug me up the mountain. I pushed him to the top and with God we held hands walking down the bottom. As we walk to the bottom though there are little mole hills that seem like a mountain. You know the old saying "Your making a mountain out of a mole hill" Well thats what it is. You see we climbed the mountain. Even though that mountain felt like I climbed it alone and we didnt do it together WE DID!! It took team work. He drug me, I drug him, He pushed me, I pushed him, I pulled him he pulled me and together at the top we held hands looking down at the rest of our lives together. We were never alone. God was always with us. You see without God we couldnt have climbed to the top. without God we cant hold hands to the bottom.

I know that Tyler and I arent the only ones who can make it. Its just takes alot of energy to push and pull and drag. I dont tknow where i get the energy. I think i have figured it out though. I have a friend who is very young and has been through alot. She likes to retrieve into herself and it hurts me because I really wanna be there for her and I think she is so young to be hurting. I told her the other night "You are too young to be hurting. If you dont take the world by your hands that it will swallow you up. You have to enjoy life and prepare yourself now while your young and have no kids because if you dont when you get into your 30s and life really starts hitting you then you will have know fight left.

Life is hard and life is rough. I cry inside alot i have alot of pain. I feel unwanted and unloved. I feel used and abused at times. I heard this song on the radio the other day and I just cried. I'm ready for no more tears, no more fears and no more sorrows. Then I dry my eyes and I'm reminded of this song and it really brings light to me. Then i hear the story behind it (If you want to know the story behind it you can here it here )

I never write a post like this. I always felt my blog was for dd. But i really dont have anywhere else to write my feelings down. So i feel like writing this maybe its not for me or maybe it is for me. Who knows.

I been making alot of changes in my life. I walk every day and I'm spending more time with my kids. I dont have alot of time but I'm realizing that its ok if my house stays dirty it will be dirty tomorrow..
Then there is my real world where people i know get divorced

Friday, July 19, 2013

She said "Sometimes I wish I lived in a fantasy world where I had 2 husbands."

I said " O well not me because that would be 2 men to obey and 2 men to spank me. NO thanks!!!"

We both laughed and then she said "Well I meant 2 husbands to pleasure me not to spank me!!! Can't I just live in my fantasy world?"

That conversation reminded me of a post I had been wanting to write. A while back I read on a dd blog (sorry I don't remember which one if its yours tell me I will share). Anyway her husband wasn't very consistent in spanking. So she wrote a post about how she wanted things to go when she misbehaved and I thought "Wow me TOO!!!"

I'm very much a procrastinator and even though Tyler gives me a deadline I don't always get it done. However he gives me a second deadline and I get it done but honestly I don't want 2 deadlines.

Here is an example. Summer is very busy for us. My day usually goes like this I'm out of the house by 7:30 work till 5:30 ish then at baseball/softball games till 10pm home at 11. That's usually 4 nights a week. Then on the weekends were up and at the ball fields by 7:15 on Saturday morning for 8 am game, back home at 5 or 6 pm and then Sunday pretty much the same (were done now thank goodness).

There would be times I would opt out of the 8am game to clean and then go to the next game. He would tell me I better get bla bla done. I would be up from 7am texting or on computer or running around etc. I wouldn't get anything done. He would come home at 10 and just say "You were supposed to get this done." Then he would tell me I had another chance to get it done. Of course with the second chance I would get it done..

Now in my fantasy world how I really wanted it played out is:

When he comes home he walks in the door.

"Daisy you didn't get anything done?"

"Well I umm, I No sir."

"To our room now and bare yourself in the corner." He said Sternly

Then I would stand in the dreaded corner which I truly hate waiting on him.. With anticipation of what was going to happen. Then he would enter the room

"Daisy turn around and look at me." He would say as he sat on the bed . "Why didn't you get anything done?"

Friday, July 12, 2013

This week we have had a few incidents that I been wanting to post since Monday. Its just my summer is just now winding down. So I will recap for you!!!

Hugs and Hope you all are had a great week and have a wonderful weekend!! OOO and What a great end to the week to hear that Emily is back home and doing well!!!

So since I've gotten back to reading blogs again my submission has come back around. I have told you in other post how Tyler made me leave all the groups but not blogging. Well I been reading here and there for a while but the last 2 months I have been reading more and then I started replying getting more involved.

One of Tyler's biggest issues is first my attitude then my second guessing him. Like he says something is purple and I am sure its blue so I will look it up and see who's right or I will say "Are you sure?" So I have decided to work on that among other things of course.. Anyway Sunday my son had his last baseball game. Its a tournament so we didn't know the times on Sunday. Well the coaches wife sent a text that the game was at 11. Well that was Saturday night. Well then Tyler says the game is at 12. I was going to look but I thought ya know maybe I misread it and no I'm not second guessing him. He is one of the coaches he should know.

Sunday rolls around I make breakfast take it to Tyler and son. I'm down cleaning up and its like 10:45 and Tyler yells down OOO Crap Daisy hurry I was wrong game is at 11 hurry!! OO just great first I'm not dressed, kids not dressed and its 20 min away!! and that's if traffic is good and if he isn't there by the time its his turn to bat then he cant play. Well then I start getting upset. Here I let go and I trusted him I didn't second guess him and he let me down.

Ok now before you all start saying "He's HUMAN!!" Lol yes I know this is why I was trying to keep my emotions in check.

I did say to him "I thought it was at 11 I should've have double checked!!" big groan and sigh

He said "Well why didn't you?"

"Because you get mad when I second guess you and don't just trust you so that's what I was trying to do."

"O well I guess I read it wrong." He said

Well mad woman (that's me) and half asleep kid head out the door and rush to the game. I get him there at 5 after and my friend called and said he made it. I rushed back home to get Tyler. I was really trying to settle down. I was trying not to cry. I know he is human but the one time I really decide to give it over to him don't second guess him. BAM!! UGh. I really just kind of felt like "This is why I need to stay in charge, Cant he just take responsibility for something." I really wasn't in a shouting mode. More of a defeated sad mode. Just wanted to crawl in a corner

I had sent him a text that said "I'm sorry I got upset with you I know you just made a mistake no biggie."
He texts back " I know I'm a piece of crap."

Ugh I felt awful. I said "No your not you just made a mistake and I gotta settle."

I didn't get into trouble over that I think I simmered down in time. I was very upset with myself. It felt like an epic fail. I really wished he would have spanked me over it. I guess he sees that I'm trying to be more submissive. We got past that day but a few days later he was full of surprises..

I got home from work and made dinner and told him it was ready. He was up in our room. when he got down he said something about me not coming up to say hi and i'd been home for an hour. Well if I go to our room its over lol and NO NO get your mind out of the gutter lol I lay down on the bed and don't want to get up..

The next night I went up to say hi. Him and my daughter were watching a movie. I went to the bathroom then my son was knocking on the door so we were yelling through the bedroom door. and I got out and apparently was loud so before I could kiss him and say hi he was griping at me for being loud.

Of course I was hurt because he could have paused the tv. I just glared at him and said "Well you said yesterday you wanted me to come up and say hi so today I did." Then I stopped out of the room and decided not to cook dinner.. There that will get him. OO Obad I know .. I was hurt though..

Well later him and my son were arguing and I hate it. I try and stay out of it but I cant. I stomped downstairs and asked why do you have to yell?" .
He said "I will do what I want get back upstairs and stay out of it.!!" He growled.

I was fed up so I went took a movie back and when I got home he came upstairs we said a few words and then he said " Stay off the computer and phone tonight and get yourself in check!!"

What he has never made me stay off the phone or computer. I wanted to write!!! I almost got on the ipad because he didn't say no Ipad heheh.. I know giggle with me. I didn't though.. I told everyone that I was texting I had to go. Thank goodness they were all dd friends and understood.. He was out mowing and I could've got on but I didn't.. Well Ok maybe twice when he was taking a shower and everyone said good night..

Man I guess I had a lot of epic fails and I really do need a spanking..
The next night was better and we were teasing and I was teasingly pushing him and he got the leather heart shaped paddle and swatted me once with it over my sweats!!! O My word!! I thought I was gonna loose it hurt.. He was proud of his heart shape brand on my butt!! Anyway I'm surprised it didn't bruise. Its all good..

This weekend is our first full weekend with nothing to do. I'm sure I will be an angel and all will be fine!!!
HMMM see they even have a little girl as an angel trying to keep the devil out of trouble!!

Monday, July 8, 2013

Over the last few weeks my blog land friends have had a rough go. I was trying to reply to some over the weekend and give them hugs but my phone was not cooperating. I thought that I would write up a post and send it to you all.

First I want to say that I didn't know Bas but I went through and read his blog and I'm very said that I didn't know him.. I know the pain of mourning all to well. Just know I'm here if any of you need an ear or eyes to read.. Just remember he wanted you to keep smiling and moving on. He'd probably say each of you needed a spanking if you didn't.

Also I want to say That I'm continuing to pray for Emily I know you all are completely worried sick about her as I am too. Just know that she is in Gods hands and He will take care of her.

Here's to a good week with hopefully more good news about Emily and we all can smile brighter!!!

Big Hugs and Loves to my Spanko and SpankNO friends here in Blogville!!!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Ok so don't you hate it when you find yourself doing what you tell your kids not to? My Oldest is constantly telling me what the other 2 are doing wrong and I'm always saying "You need to look at yourself first and don't worry about them!!"

I also tell married couples that when they come to me with problems "Disclaimer I"m not a marriage counselor or any type of counselor for that matter, but with 17yrs of marital experience under my belt, well I can give advise" I think its very important that we fix ourselves and everything will fall into place.. That is very wise advise If I do say so myself !! But guess what? Just Guess?? Yup you guessed it. It does not pertain to me its only for everyone else!!! LOL

Ok seriously Tyler and I Have been at this for almost 3yrs. I Have to say our first 6 months were really good he was consistent and we just had a groove and then it all fell apart. We go back and forth with it. He's consistent then he doesn't care or so i think he doesn't. we have talks. I Tell him what I want but hmmm as I'm writing this I don't think he's ever really said what he wants. Hmmm when he says "Its not all about you Daisy" and I think "What nothing is ever about me? Are you kidding?" Maybe it is about me. Maybe I found something that makes me really click and I really like and I really need it and i just want it to go the way I think it should..

I don't do the things for him that I did in the beginning. The little things that make him feel special.. I realized that the other day and started doing it. I also realized I have to keep in mind set and that's hard. almost a year ago Tyler and I agreed that I should quit some boards I was on and then when i wanted to go back he said no.. Then over the last few months I really started reading blogs more. He is ok with blogs. When I started reading more and participating in them things have changed.. I've been working harder at being submissive. I've been telling him sorry when i realize i was disrespectful.. NO I'm not saying sorry over his knee I just say sorry.

He's very dominant he expects respect and for me to do what he asked. If I step out of line he doesn't always spank when I think he should or be consistent like I think he should but he does lecture and tell me how disappointed he is.. However when I sit and ponder over the last 2 months he has been more consistent but I've been more submissive. Maybe he has a point I want this lifestyle if its my way. If its not my way then See ya Later I"m doing what I want!! Hmmm..

Ok Counseling myself time is over lol Funny when you put things into words it comes into perspective.

Hmm I guess I have alot of pondering to do.. I have alot of changing to work on. I have alot of proving to him I want this life style and I need it. I think maybe were exactly where we need to be because I am happy. He is in charge.. I think I need to walk through my front door. Brush my day away and work on being the submissive little wife I want to be and the one my hubs wants.

Thanks for listening and any advise is great especially from other Hoh's or Tops or anyone!!

Monday, July 1, 2013

I been blogging for about 2yrs never stayed on top of it. I have been lurking for about 6 months. I have been keeping up on my friends. Some of you know your my friends and some of you don't!! lol.. In that time I had come across new blogs and got to know them. I had been going back and forth with coming out of lurking and then it happened!!

My friends started hurting the community started hurting and I started hurting so I decided HEY!! I'm here I love you all don't be scared its Ok were all here for eachother.. So I decided to come out of lurking. I also decided I'm not going to post about this I'm just going to let it go.. I had read the article ( I guess it was a piece of the first article or something) I didn't think what I read was all that bad.. It was the same crap that everyone has to say about ttwd. "You know like OO the wife must be brain washed her husband/boyfriend must be abusive.. OO they need help."

So I moved on but then it happened!!! I read the original article and as I read my mouth fell open and I was like NO WAY THAT IS NOT TRUE!!! The bloggers that this person was talking about I new them. Some of them I new before they become bloggers.

I read on and I went to some blogs mentioned that I didn't know and guess what I made new friends lol!!! As I read on in the article and read some blogs I was outraged that the writer had taken bits and pieces of the blogs added their own words called it the truth and published it in the paper!! SCANDAL I SAY!!!

I feel so hurt for the lovely ladies who were hurt by this.... I could say I don't understand why people have to be so down on this lifestyle but I do know because what we don't know and what we don't understand must be wrong!!! Its not normal so its not right!!

I never received hate mail about dd. I wish I would receive it instead of my friends receiving it.. You know why? Because I don't care!! Bring on the hate!!.. I have been married for 17yrs and we started DD about 3 yrs ago and I can say that my first 13-14yrs were hard and rough but since DD has come into our marriage I feel like I'm on my honey moon. I don't think I have ever been so in love with my husband like I have been for the past 3 yrs.. So I say bring on the hate because I will love back. I will love DD for what its done to my marriage and I will love them anyway for being haters.. I tried the "normal" way for 13yrs and all it got me was hurt, heartache and almost divorced but then I tried it OUR WAY!! And Its working..

I didn't fine spanking on line.. I didn't search around and look for a way to fix my marriage and come across DD.. Nope I was driving down the highway praying and trying to find a way to fix my crumbling marriage that wasn't existent that was full of pain and hurt.. Then it came to my head "Daisy you need spanked. You need consequences for your actions. Why do you do the things you do? You are so hateful to your husband at times girl you need a spanking!!!"

So the internet didn't brain wash me, my husband didn't bring it up to me. Nope I thought of it all by myself. As a matter of fact I didn't know dd existed until after I finally got up the courage to talk to my husband about it and then we spent the night looking up "Spanked wives" On the internet!! OOO was that scarey lol.. I found some good sites. I found yahoo groups and a few others I read then started making friends. I got Tyler to join some groups and then we were off on our Journey!!

Most of my friends brought this to their husband and most of my friends have problems because their husbands are inconsistent.. OO but were in a dd relationship so we must be abused!! I will go no further with this part because this could be a whole other post.

Most people who are against dd I bet they have a friend or 2 that's in it.. You wouldn't know I was in a dd relationship unless I told you.. My husband and I banter back and forth, We also bicker and we annoy each other.. You doesn't throw around his authority in public (Well not often but has been known too some lol)

I hear people say "Well back in the 50's wives were so abused bla bla" You know what I guarantee there were a lot more happy spanked wives then abused ones. The spanked woman didn't go around telling you they were spanked because well they didn't want you to know and you couldn't tell they were spanked because OOO guess why? Can you guess? Because the only marks they had were on their behinds!!! The abused wives had marks on their faces and arms etc.. An abusive man doesn't need spanking for an excuse to beat his wife he just does it!!

I have had people ask me what made my marriage different and I have told a couple of them about DD. Their first response is silence with a puzzled look then the questions "Does he hit you? Are you abused? Are you scared of him?" I say " Look at me do I look abused? You see us together do I look scared of him? You know we banter back and forth and he's good to me." They usually say "Your right and if it works great."

That's usually the end of the conversation. I had a couple of them talk to me about wanting to do it with their spouse.. One of the friends and I decided that her husband is too verbally abusive now and completely controlling that it might be an awful idea for them. I was praying they would never try it.. The other one he talked to his wife about it and I haven't talked to him lately so I don't know what they did..

The bottom line is this. I Really think in reality most people if they new about our lifestyles they may or may not agree with it but if they truly see how much it works and that we aren't abused by it then they would probably have some questions, watch closely and mosey on by.. I really don't care who knows about my lifestyle. If my kids were adults or I didn't have any then I wouldn't stay private but for the safety of my children I do..

Anyway to my friends who have been hurting don't worry about it honestly it will go away and these people are like the moms who used to pick things out of the Disney shows the sublimittle messages. They have nothing better to do!!!