Roland Emmerich (‘Independence Day’, ‘2012’, ‘The Day After Tomorrow’) today announced his next big blockbuster project, titled ‘Now’. and due to release every year for the next fifty-to-one-hundred years. Starring Jake Gyllenhal, Judd Hirsch, Vivica Fox and every other living human on the planet, this new project looks set to be a big hit.

Emmerich: “We were working hard coming up with ideas for some kind of horrifying, climactic end for humanity. Then I saw one of the writers gazing out of the window , and suddenly I realised, ‘Hey, that’s it! That’s the scariest disaster we could possibly show!”

Pushing the boundaries of contemporary film-making, ‘Now’ is set to have an indefinite run-time, although it’s likely to end sometime before any of us get chance to die from old age. Emmerich was also excited to talk about the film’s unique presentation style, following in the footsteps of other directors such as Peter Jackson, James Cameron and Quentin Tarantino.

Emmerich: “A lot of people are going to call it a gimmick or a fad, like Peter’s 48fps thing or Tarantino’s 72mm schtick for ‘Hateful Eight’, but what we’re doing with this one is really part of the whole experience, it shapes it, really uniquely. What we’re doing is allowing the audience to watch the calamity unfold, in ultra-high-def, fully-immersive 3D, and at 100% real-time, with the eye’s natural framerate of up to 60fps.”

Emmerich explained further, covering the radical alterations that most movie theatres will need to make to accommodate his new film.

Emmerich: “It’s just gonna be a big window. One massive hole in the wall. We’re considering putting glass in, but there’s also plenty of opportunity for the full 4D experience, where audiences can actually feel the global temperatures getting higher for themselves, and smell the decay of society as it wafts into the auditorium. I want everyone to be able to feel the increased intensity of each successive hurricane, and watch as arable soil turns to dusty wasteland – I want them to taste the ashes of global conflict as they fall from the sky.”

Concerns have been raised by the studio over whether audiences will be willing to endure a possibly endless show, running for years and years as the inevitable collapse of society approaches. Emmerich was untroubled by these concerns, stating flatly “The audience will have no choice but to sit through it.”

So keep an eye out for ‘Now’, the exciting new cinema experience, as it hits your nearest cinema. Critics are already giving it rave reviews, having unwittingly experienced it already for at least the last decade.

“You may as well pay to see another fucking Emmerich indulge-athon,” said one movie reviewer, “it’s not as though money’s going to mean anything in a few years’ time anyway. I don’t even give a shit if it’s any good or not, I’m going to use my savings to buy as much cocaine as possible and spend whatever time I have left smashed off my tits, rolling from one sweaty orgy to another until my heart gives out. It’ll be better than waiting for the lakes to dry, or for that nutter in the White House to fuck us all with an endless trade war. Or an actual war.”