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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Surrendering

Good morning from mouse,

There's been an odd theme lately with many questions on formspring and in the comment section of recent posts. Many have asked, when did mouse realize she was submissive? How could mouse ever consider giving up so much control? Why does mouse write in the third person and does she speak that way as well?!

Now, these questions are strongly paraphrased, but mouse felt they were all related and all are about surrendering. So, briefly let's go back to the beginning. When mouse was quite young (in her early 20's) she met both Daddy and his friend, the one called Alpha. Both men were very good friends. Alpha became interested in the young mouse. When mouse submitted to Alpha she had no idea what she was doing. For a few months before she submitted, she was allowed to ask questions, but after she was not. In fact there wasn't any discussion, as it was explained that it was forbidden. Needless to say, Alpha was abusive toward mouse. Our relationship lasted until his death, a little more than decade. It also needs to be said that she was never released and nothing was done to protect mouse.

After his death she learned what the lifestyle was supposed to be about, but because of the abuse stayed far away from it. Yet, after years of abuse mouse couldn't protect herself very well, and didn't trust anyone. During this time, Omega had his own issues he was dealing with. His SA had him very gripped and drove people away from him, including mouse. It took another decade for us to become friends again. Once the friendship was reestablished, we began going out on occasion and Omega was always a perfect gentleman. We did discuss the past, sometimes with tears and eventually our feelings grew. Omega planted many small seeds, and waited very patiently. He encouraged mouse to start this blog We discussed at length submission and expectations.

As mouse grew more comfortable she offered herself to him. He accepted it and moved in right away. We married a few months later. We often joke it took us both twenty years to realize we belonged together. So, now to answer when mouse truly realized her submission, wasn't with Alpha, because she had no choice but to submit to him and didn't understand what it really meant. With Omega, she understood her past and what she liked about her slavery to Alpha, but the security she felt with O, couldn't be ignored. With him, it just felt like home and her submission came easily. That isn't to suggest it didn't take time, because it did. But we both really grew together. There was no deep, burning desire to serve when mouse was a child. It wasn't something she thought about. Masochism, was something she didn't know about until Alpha, but yes she learned quickly that pain was a big turn on.

Giving up real control was hard for mouse because of her damaged past, but once she learned to simply trust Daddy it became so much easier and better. When mouse surrendered herself finally to Daddy, which really wasn't complete until earlier this year by embracing the rules, she became surprised at how freeing it was. It felt liberating to her. Daddy provided mouse the structure needed,and without all that wasted time balking; it freed her while making feel safe and protected. Now in regard to third person speech, mouse's position has somewhat shifted. Once she wrote about The Power of I, in that post she explained how it was back then mostly a burden. Today, mouse's view on third-person speak is quite different. To her it is about remaining humble and keeping with her at all times a tangible reminder of her station. Yes, it is the way she talks all the time. It's not in an obnoxious way, but really very subtle.

At first it's kind of like learning a new language, where you must first think about what you want to say, and then consider how to properly say it. It isn't done in a way that draws attention to mouse, in fact most do not notice.

For example, mouse would not say to anyone, "mouse (or she) needs to go to the store." Instead it would be, "we need a few things at the market, is there anything you'd like?"

Mothers with young children often speak in the third person for different reasons. But the point is that mouse doubts anyone gives it any thought.

One of mouse's new years resolutions is to spend some quality time constructing a list of important past posts.

4 comments:

I can see how you would learn to not be blatant about it, either in your phrasings, or sometimes I say things like "Mommy asked you to..." whatever. But I was just wondering, if you did slip and someone asked you about it, someone who you knew in real life but who doesn't know about your setup, what would you say? Would you tell the truth, basically, or try to brush them off? I think that part would scare me the most. I'm very private and shy and also a horrible liar (or at misdirection, either) so I can just imagine the awkward scene that I'd end up in if I slipped and was asked directly.