Ask a questionQ & A

Question

I love my boyfriend but he doesn't want to get married. What should I do?

Answer

Thank you for your question about relationships and marriage. I am sorry to hear you are having a problem with a relationship.

You do not state whether you are a Christian or reasons why your boyfriend does not want to get married.

The biblical expectation for relationships is marriage. The first marriage recorded in the Bible was between Adam and Eve, our first parents and Jesus affirms marriage when he quotes "therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Matthew 19:5, referencing Genesis 2:24).

In Ephesians 5:25, Paul refers to marriage as a reflection of the love that Christ has for his church. Therefore, when we think about marriage, it has a much deeper meaning than simply two people signing a piece of paper; it is a union of people where they live and share together for their whole lives.

Therefore I encourage you first to make your relationship with Christ like a marriage. Obviously there is no sexual element to this relationship, but it is one where you live for him and want to share with him every moment of the day. Place your trust in Christ because he loves you and died for you on the cross.

We need to consider whether marriage is a possibility for you and your boyfriend? It may be that your boyfriend is thinking in practical terms and knows that marriage is not a possibility for you both yet but will be in the future. This may be down to your age, education status, family circumstances or other factors. Rather than refusing to marry you for an unknown reason, or to be engaged for an overly extended period of time, your boyfriend may be thinking in very reasonable terms.

However, if your boyfriend will not marry you at all and has no interest in ever doing so, then we have to ask serious questions about such a relationship. Your intent on getting married, and his intent on not getting married seems like an impasse. It may be better for you to break off this relationship than to wait when no positive outcome may come. Of course, this is not to be taken lightly.

Finally, I encourage you to seek wisdom from your church leaders. They will know your situation better than we do, and they will be able to offer you support in your relationship and your walk with Christ.

In summary, the biblical expectation is for couples to get married. The bible speaks positively of marriage and makes it clear that marriage has a deeper meaning as it reflects Christ's love for his church. May your relationship with Christ be like a marriage, and may you resolve the issue with your boyfriend peacefully and if need be with the help of your church leaders.

I hope this answer helps you to find peace with God through Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about what Jesus has done for you please watch the video on the main part of our site: Watch the video

I encourage you to attend a local Bible believing church and speak to the leader about your question. If you want to find a local church, our Church Finder may help you: Find a Church

Please feel free to submit a question to us or to read our answer database: Ask a Question

*All Scripture references are taken From The English Standard Version of the Holy Bible unless stated otherwise

*If anything in this answer affects you directly, then please feel free to call our confidential prayer line in the UK on 0845 4567729, where trained Christian volunteers will take your call and pray both for you and with you. If you are outside of the UK then you may submit your request for prayer on line at www.ucb.co.uk/prayerline