25.2.10

I prayed and tossed and turned most of the night. Why is this so hard for me? I long so much to have a Daddy. I cry at weddings (and I am not a crier) because I actually feel pain when I see the Daddy and bride dance together. I feel their love and I want it. I want my Daddy to hold me and love me but I know that my Earthy father won't. He's not a nice man and I don't want him to but I long so very very much to have that Daddy daughter relationship. I know it is not my fault that I do not have the relationship I want with my father, I did nothing wrong but still it hurts.

I CAN have the type of relationship I crave with my Heavenly Father but don't. This time it is my fault. He is there waiting for me calling for me in the same way that I call for an Earthly Daddy but I don't answer Him. I leave Him with the same feelings I have, a longing, a pain, a deep desire to be loved. He is waiting for me with His everlasting arms, spread wide open, just waiting for me to run and jump into them. But I don't. He is longing to dance with me, to cry with me, to support me, to share in my dreams, my sorrows, my life and yet I leave Him there.

I have decided, that I am going to stop this crazy cycle. I want a relationship with my Heavenly Father. I want Him to be my first Love.

My true love.

My Daddy.

I don't want to write this letter, because it is going to hurt. I am going to see and know how I have hurt the One who love me, a terrible sinner so much. I do love Him and want a real relationship, not just the "oh I'm scared, let's pray" kind. I want to run to Him all day long. Share my ups, my smiles, my thanks, my tears, my desires, my family, my dreams, my everything with the One who made me.

To darling daughter, Lindsay

I love you my girl. I love you. Why have you waited so long? I have missed you. I desire more of you. You are my daughter, come to me with your worries, with your dreams, with everything. I am here for you. I will never leave you. You are my daughter. You are beautiful because I made you. Why do you leave me for so long, wondering around your life trying to do it on your own? I am here to help you, to hold you, to comfort you. Let Me. Don't try to go on with your life without me. Talk to Me. I have given you the ability to choose. Choose Me. Come to Me and I will give you peace, a peace you have never known. Walk with Me. I am all that you need. I adore you, love you, and want you. I long to see you blossom into the woman I have made you to be. You must let Me mold you, form you, stretch you. Let Me show you love. Stop fighting me. I will never stop fighting for you. You are my daughter and I love you. Come to me.

Love Your Heavenly Father

If it is your desire to walk with your Father God closer, again, or for the first time. Do so. Sami has a link up if you want to journey together. I honestly pray and hope that many come to know Him like never before. Let's let Him love us and Love Him it return!

I am definitely crying over here. Just to hear these beautiful words from our adoring Father and His tremendous love for you. It's breathtaking. It's wonderful. Why do we doubt? Why do we wait? Just hearing Him speak to us is so much more than enough!

Thanks so much for sharing your heart. I am often in awe of His mercy and grace. How He patiently waits for me, and always receives me back with open arms. What an amazing Father we have! He rejoices over us with singing!!

Thanks for opening up and sharing your letter. I have a hard time not comparing our Heavenly Father to my earthly father too. Keep pressing in and He WILL change your perspective! F.Y.I. There is a book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called "Lies Women Believe" and it was very helpful for me in this area.

I am a stay at home mom of three great kids. I love my husband and together we are trying to raise our kids to love the Lord as we do. I am rarely without my camera or my kids.

My husband, best friend, loving daddy, and avid Farmall lover. We met when I was still in high school and he was working on his family's farm behind our home. He no longer works on the farm full time but still loves his tractors and dreams of refinishing them all one day. He is the head of our home and tries his best to raise his kids to love God and find time to relax with me.

Born October 13, 2006 He is dramatic, energetic, and strong. He rarely walks anywhere as he prefers to jump, run, skip, and ride his way through life. He loves any thing with a motor. He loves to help his Daddy fix things, Mommy with baking, and is a great big brother to his little sister and brother. There is rarely a day that does not end in a bath with this little guy. He brings so much to our lives. We love him and all his chaos!

Born April 17, 2009 Her name means "Happy Girl", and she really is just that. She is our pretty little princess. I never thought that I would have a girl who loves all things girly but I do, and I love it! She loves jewlery, bows, dresses and pretty shoes. She doesn't always act like a princess when she is getting muddy with her older brother or finding worms in the back yard but at the end of the day she is snuggled in bed with an array of babies and pretty blankets. She is my serious snuggle bug and squeaky voiced sweetheart!

Born July 15, 2011 Charlie is one of the happiest and most smiley babies I have ever known. He spends most of his day watching his siblings, bouncing on and in everything and everyone, smiling and eating. His double dimples and contagious giggles melt my heart a little more everyday.