“Getting Along With People Is Easy!” (Selfishness)

If you want to get along with people think about someone other than yourself. If you are not getting along with people it is probably largely to do with your own actions and the fact that you are thinking more about yourself than the person you are not getting along with.

I once applied for a job as a sales manager with a large, international insurance firm. Part of the application process was a multiple-choice exam to determine the mindsets of the various candidates. I can only recall one question on the exam: “What is the most important characteristic of a great sales manager?” There were ten possible answers and I had to rank them from one to ten in order of importance. I got it wrong. I vaguely recall that the answer I chose as number one had to do with market knowledge and the ability to stay in touch with client needs. The actual best answer was, “The desire to see others do well.” Frankly, I had never observed that selfless trait in any of the sales managers I had known during my career so I did not expect it to be the number one answer.

By the way, I did not get the sales manager job, but I have never forgotten that one question and its wonderful answer. If you forget the context of the question and just think about a world where everyone has a constant, daily desire to see others do well, you will understand why I cannot get it out of my mind. I have learned that if I put others before myself, I will quite unavoidably bring positive energy to everything I do.

Throughout this book, we have explored relationships and why people have trouble getting along with each other. If everyone spent more time thinking about the hopes, needs, and feelings of others, everyone would get along all the time. Gone would be argument, strife, and dissention. Gone would be divorce, bullying, and envy. Life would truly be good if people would just stop being selfish.

People with no friends have very little desire to see anyone else doing well. They think only about their own existence. People who lose friends usually lose them because they have stopped caring about their needs, choosing to think only of themselves.

Wives and husbands who divorce have stopped caring about each other, instead thinking only about their own needs and wants. Oh and by the way, sales managers who put themselves before their sales people tend not to have their support and ultimately fail to produce good results. If it is obvious that their primary desire is to make themselves successful, their sales people will rebel by doing everything they can to prevent it. The same thing will happen in almost any relationship. Selfish thinking never produces positive results.

If you think less about yourself and more about others, your life will be much more rewarding, your stress levels will reduce and you will feel far more satisfied with your place in the world.

Comments

I can not agree with your position though it is optimistic. I have found that many people have had abusive relationships in their development. Certain people only respond to being treated poorly as a result of those relationships. In fact, there can be entire cultures based on this fact. For example, in Massachusetts, where people are not easily offended, the sardonic humor would not be well received in Georgia, where sarcasm is oft considered rude. Making friends has a great deal to do with personal respect for others on both parts. In places where judgment is high, accepting ones personal traits is a more difficult thing to find.

Thanks Tiwagaja. I agree that some people in all culturesand locales struggle with relationships for a variety of reasons just as there are some folks in all cultures and locales who can get along with anyone. I like to take the optimistic approach and try to get along with everybody. All the Best ! Wayne

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