Voyager Torture: Prime Factors (Season 1, Episode 10)

Voyager Torture features Vincent reviewing an episode of Star Trek Voyager that he’s seen for the first time and Chris Piers creating a drawing based solely on Vincent’s review and never having seen the show.

In today’s episode, the Voyager crew hangs out on the planet of creepy weirdos.

Captain Janeway and company rush to a distress signal to find out it’s a false alarm. Instead, they get invite from a group of aliens to chillax on their planet. Neelix is semi-useful and tells everyone that these people are the ultimate in hospitality and it’s implied that they are horn dogs, but what really gets them off is stories. Uh yeah. Anyway, Ensign Kim is on a date of sorts with one of the aliens when it’s revealed they have access to a technology that basically beams them great distances in almost no time at all.

Bum bum bummmm that means it’s another “Will we get home?” episode. Argh!

Short answer to that question is no they don’t. It’s the first season and it’s the premise of the show. The only saving grace of this episode is that the aliens don’t want to give the Voyager crew their technology because of their beliefs, they don’t want it misused or anything. BURN FUCKERS! That’s what the pious Starfleet gets for not helping how many civilizations due to the Prime Directive.

Well not all the aliens agree and one of them has an offer. In exchange for this ship’s library worth of stories and junk he’ll give them the technology. Janeway gets all stupid and says no to this. Principles can only get you so far when you’re stranded in space, Lady. The crew decide to go behind her back and actually it’s Tuvok, the logical Vulcan head of security and trusted right hand man of Janeway’s, that actually does the deed.

They plug the magic device into a convenient outlet and… it doesn’t work. Sad trumpet.