It's been a while since I've written of my daughter. She is now 20 and going pretty well.

I'm writing because I'm having real difficulty with a particular issue. Maybe a reader or two can enlighten me.

She's had some boyfriends and a steady over the last 18 mths I guess. Now, because he has to travel some distance to get to our place, he sleeps over. Considering they have been away once or twice it would be silly to figure they just held hands and this leads directly to her assumption that her boyfriend can share her bedroom when he stays at our place.

I've said no. Her mother, thinks that it is okay. I'm surprised and thought we'd agree but we don't. So far my daughter has respected my wishes but I don't think this will last. I feel that the problem is still simmering and will again be up for discussion/argument.

It didn't happen when I lived at home and it didn't happen with my friends then either. I know of many parents now, in my area, that let their daughters, from pretty young even, share the bedroom with their boyfriends.

Each time the boyfriend is here I feel less and less sociable. It is straining my patience with my daughter. She likes to get what she wants. Her mother looks at me as if I'm from another planet.

I suppose I really am old fashioned (which is strange to read as a description of myself) because I think I'm pretty flexible with most things and don't say no all that often to my kids.

No matter which way I argue with myself, I cannot alter the fact that I don't like the idea of her sharing her bedroom and so the answer is still no. It would be so much easier if it didn't worry me, if I could say yes. However I know I couldn't handle sleeping in a room adjacent to my daughter who was between the sheets with her boyfriend. It just won't work for me, I can't wear it. I would sooner move out of home than be in that situation. (Could be famous last words).

I could write more details but I think a reader will get the drift. The fact that she is 20 makes no difference to me whatsoever. I don't give a stuff, it's not about age, yet.

Has anyone else choked on this problem? I'm sure I'm not the only one who's ever had to deal with this issue. If they had lived together elsewhere, or good grief, were even married, it would be different if not a little strange. But I could accept it. I can't accept the boyfriend getting a free ticket to her bed, even if that is my daughters' intention.