Monday, December 17, 2007

When Love Takes a Turn......

When a relationship ends, people assume that it is easy on the person who ends things. It is as if the person who does the breaking up, or who is thinking of breaking things off, is a person with no feelings, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sometimes people break off a relationship without remorse but this is not the norm. Most of the time falling out of love is a painful and confusing process filled with doubt and guilt. In fact falling out of love can be a more emmotional process than falling in love. Falling out of love can be as elusive as finding love. We fall in love for just long enough to sustain a sexual relationship and bring a child to safety. This could be the reason why a lot of relationships that seem perfectly healthy fail at this crucial period.

When people fall in love, they do so for a number of reasons. For some people it is because they are lonely, and they have been longing to meet someone that they can talk to and spend time with at an intimate level. Though they might have friends, they feel their life is incomplete until they meet that someone. And once they meet that someone, they discover that they really didn’t need that person. They realize that they can stand up on their own. What they were looking for, they already had. They just never realized that. Thus they fell in love for the wrong reason and once that reason is fulfilled, they fall out of love.

It’s very easy nowadays to fall in lust and mistake that for being in love. And once that lusting desire is over, you fall out of love. Most people, who fall in love due to chemistry and not commitment, are the ones that end up being in love with so many different people time after time. As soon as the chemistry goes, they fallout of love and move on to the next person they have chemistry with. Chemistry is just the anticipation of sex. It won’t last forever. When you meet someone new, there is always the adrenaline rush, especially if you have things in common. Your body identifies with that person and once you are relaxed and comfortable with the person. Your desire to have sex with that person arises and that would end up to be a one night stand or several nights stands depending on how satisfied you are.The other reason why people fall out of love is due to their expectations not having been met. When they fell in love, they had high expectations depending on what they wanted. But after some time in the relationship they discover that their expectations are not being met. Maybe they wanted someone who would compliment them and appreciate them, but this is not the case. Instead they have someone calling them names and disrespecting them. After they have had enough, they fall out of love with that person and move on to a different relationship with someone that meets their needs.

The other reason why people fall out of love is mistreatment by their partner. When they first meet someone he/she is so good, so sweet and kind. But after some time they change and become abusive. They either hit them or swear at them. The person then can’t take this anymore and falls out of love and moves on with their life and find someone who treats them better. Nobody wants to be mistreated though some people will tolerate it for a while. But just because they tolerate it, doesn’t mean they enjoy it.

And last but not least the reason why people fall out of love is because they weren’t in love in the first place. There was no commitment; there was just the idea. The idea of being in love seems awesome but it takes work to stay in love. You have to keep doing good. You have to keep appreciating your partner. You have to keep supporting your partner even when the times are tough you have to hang in there and stick together and solve problems together and enjoy victories together.

A loss of chemistry is normally due to other commitments that take away the time for sex or a change in appearance of your partner. All these can be worked out by spending more romantic time together. The thing you liked about your partner at the beginning of the relationship should continue throughout the relationship. Relationships are about spending time together. Most relationships end because of lack of this. People have different upbringings and thus different goals and expectations. This is why when they first meet someone new, they want to get to know them and see if they are on the same wavelength. The more things in common you have with someone the better the relationship. Communication is the key to any relationship. Couples that talk stay in love and couples who don’t talk stay out of love’. Thus when you meet someone new you have to know them first. Before there is contact of the genitals, there should be contact of the minds.

Successful relationships are based on trust, honesty, love, tolerance, sharing and forgiveness.Most relationship breakdown is normally due to lack of one or more of these things.