It was not that I was lonely , I was only as lonely as the every single individual , male , female and auto drivers of this universe of Bangalore ! Before I came to bangalore , it was just a place on map . The location for a number of beautiful girls in my Orkut/facebook/blogger/twitter/Gmail... friends list ( mostly strangers ) . But now bangalore was staring me in my face . with all it s dust , Traffic . and the million and one people squeezed into the most unavailable inch of every bus and footpath! I wonder if all the people in India ..mallus , Tamilians , Northies .. MIddle east and west of india too ... wanted to go home at the exact same time , to the exact same place ..Worse part of it was they all seemed to have a car , or bike ...they honked and emited toxic fumes !

The strange , idiotic , non sensical , insensible lonliness was particularly amplified by the fact that my room mates , Had three , four or five girl friends , who constantly flirted with them for being ..their romantic girlfriends ! What was more , they were not that bad looking at all !

Jealousy !

How could I be jealous . I was not jealous ! I could never be jealous . Cos jealousy is supposed to be bad right . And here I was , The most righteous guy in the universe of bangalore ! There simply could nt be anyone more more righteous than me ! ..Well I was jealous . Of the dogs and cats ! HOney and bees ! Nature was running past me like an express train without any stop . There I was . Stuck almost with the way I was , What I was ..was it making me ..catching this train .. But remember I was not the only lonely me .. There were million , Exactly one million two hundred and two thousand people who must have been lonely ! I mean ..

Well I was nt always this unpopular and stranger ..without friends or girl friends . I was ..like the Magnetic person in College ! and school . Its just that once when you are employed in a computer company , You just dont get to see people in a relaxed mood sleepy appreciating your wit and sense of humour ! Well college was done , The KSR college of Non sense was done with . Now it was a time I worked with people whose tensed face reminded me of my IT returns , and need to get a loan , House loan , Savings ....

Oh god I was aging ....Fast!! Like I was aging with light years .>Each year added a million years to my expiring and exhausting ..time limit on this earth !

SO what I do ..

I just booze !

With my friends ! This was a time I discoverd that .. DSP Black was a good brand of whiskey , when ofcourse mixed with ..COCA Cola ! or Pepsi !

But when you wake up with a Hangover . You realise that ..t s not a permenant solution to all your problems ! So you .. face another lonely day with all your lonliness .

So I decided to call her . My old school friend , A fellow blogger . The only person who had enough intellectual stammer to have an arguement with me . So I call her on a Monday . Evening . I thought she be surprised ! Shocked ..and pleased ..

So she says .. She wants a job . She already had a job . But she wanted a better job . She asked me if I knew any consultants .. yeah right , It was the last thing i wanted to hear !

So All men and woman of Bangalore universe was very brave , besides being good looking . They even smoked cigerettes as they sat behind their boyfriends or girlfriends Scooty ! They speeded the traffic filled clogged highways of Bangalore ! But I was not one of them ..

I was going up stairs ,It was so far away my floor , I was like in basement floor , I needed to go only to the first floor , But it seemed so far away . Then I reached it . Immediately I remembered , That I need to go to the first floor . And to me going to first floor , was only from the basement floor . Why would I want to go to the first floor if I was already in the first floor .Okay , So I go downstairs . To the basement floor , Actually I used the stairs . just to make sure that I really do go to the basement floor . Then I reach there . Now I was happy , I knew where i wanted to go . I wanted to go to the first floor . I push the button frantically . so that the lift may reach ...Was I mad . Was I in a dream . Were my faculties to reach the first floor permenantly damaged and affected by the apparent illusions of reaching first floor . I wanted to make sure . So sure that I made it more sure by going again to the basement and reaching the first floor ..

How is it . No It s not a dream . I was explaining the opening scene of my very spiritual movie to a friend of mine . My friend Mr Vijay . Okay sorry . Dr Vijay . He is a super star . Okay upcoming superstar . He wanted me to make a very special movie about him . There was a reason why he wanted to make an intelligent movie about him . The entire tamilnadu , Andra and Kerala state is accusing him of being really stupid . Yeah you heard me right stupid . His latest movie , SURA , where he comes swimming out of the ocean like a water dog . Okay dolpyn . . was nt very impressive in the box office . Despite humorous numerous songs being very singable and catchy , He was yet to have more than twenty people seeing his film in the theatre for the last four months , And those twenty people were there because they were deaf , dumb , or beggars who were given free tickets .

So he was upset . It was a stage where anything and every single thing he did was becoming a monumental blunder . At one point of time he even shouted at the hapless journalists . .

He said ..SILENCCEEE ..I mean he shouted and screamed at the god forsaken journalists ! and they were shocked this smiling friend of mine scream on top of his voice the way he would shout at the villains of his movie !

So I explained him , about the movie again , My movie about him . The most intelligent movie about anybody especially Dr Vijay ! (He got the doctorate for being so mentally challenged movie after movie , Every movie and all movies ) So this memory loss and apparent compulsion to move constantly is highly symbollic of the human crisis . Our inabilty to understand our purpose and state of mind as we struggle to come to terms with our existance ..

Dr so called Dr Vijay , My friend was looking as if I had just groped his lovely wife in front of him. I mean his mouth was wide open !

He said ------. Machaa but where is the kuthu songs .. I mean dappan kuthu .. I always have an opening songs

and I said ----But Mr okay sorry Dr Vijay this is not your run of the mill masala movie . This is a movie about a man in an existential crisis to find the first floor . The first floor is symbolic of our achievements . It is a highly intelligent subtle movie about .. well ..err .. you know the futilities of struggles . It s like we never reach . just to make sure that we reach , we travel again and again . . To the same places that we travelled . We do the same things . Again and again for the same exact reasons . Like we have been doing for generations . This will be one of the most monumental films of your carreer . You will beat Dr Kamal haasan ..in the process !

I could nt exactly gauge the reaction . It was like watching him act a intensely emotional scene of his movies . I mean he was like blank . without any expression . Now this was good . This was good because it may be misinterpreted as the lack of existential interests in passing things . A sort of like expression of enlightenment . But to the more curious and sensible eyes , He was looking like lost . Not ordinarily lost . Extraordinarily lost ! Lost like an idiot with an idea !

So he wanted to know when he will have a song ..

and To this I said - No mr Vijay . Oh sorry Doctor Vijay . There is nothing like a song .. No songs are possible ever in an intelligent movie . You see intelligence has got this naive yet honest sincerity due to which we could nt have something as stupid as .. spontaneous musical movements without reasons ...

SILENCE ...He was shouting like he was shouting at the journalists . its not that I was making any noise ..It was just that all these things were too much for him to handle ..

Anyways He acccepted to do the role ..and he accepted do even finance .It was a question of his pride ...To make atleast one intelligent movie in his career .But on one condition . That he may do some minor modification to suit his style .. I should have known . .

The next day We sit with a couple of his good for nothing assistant directors .They bring us coffee and discuss things with us . We even had kerala chips . . Then started out work .. Apparantly the song was something he could nt compromise ..

So we had a kuthu song . So instead of begining from the basement floor . We begin with Dr vijay coming in the bike . There are a thousand and one of his well wishers (in the movie ofcourse ) before he bursts open into song and dance . He says philosophical things in the songs and political things too . He sings about Nuclear weapons and love of mothers to their children . Then the next scene was apparently about going towards the lift as the lift is already having a heroine . Then the lift gets stuck in the ground floor . There the lift technician is a guy who murdered his grandfather . Then they fight . Obviously the girl was the daughter of this guy ... Then there is another sad song . Then there is a clash of love ..revenge . There is apparently twelve thousand fights and more songs too.

The movie was recieved very well by all types of Audience . It was even considered for the national awards for the apparent lack of expression in Dr Vijay s Charector through out the movie .He was praised as a wonder . A genius . . . Looking at the movie for more than once was a challenging acheivement and a testimony of tolerance . May be it was intelligent after all ! It was a device designed to test human tolerance to non sense .Apparently the people like to challange themselves often too . All is well I guess as long as it runs for more than two weeks !

Is there no god , is god so insensitive as to be a silent witness to my overwhelmingly desperate attempts ..to be with her . The only her in my life . the perfect her . . .the lady of my dreams ..

I had her in my dreams yesterday too . Even in the busy hours of traffic when half the world and a moron was honking me from behind . I was lost in her . I was lost in my dreams about her . What was it about her . She was not the most beautiful women of the world . She was not like the beautiful women I had seen . She was hardly the most well dressed . She even made me feel embarressed that I was obsessed with her .

what was it . was it the fact ..that she used to help me .with my studies . . That she used to carry my notebooks if I had missed it in the class . Was it because she used to scold me for the spelling mistakes in my blog . May be it was because she used to walk with me . The most beautiful walks of my life . when we used to be so silent that we hardly missed nothing . Absolutely nothing . everything to us was very clear . We were almost absent in those moments . We were one with the beautiful trees . She had this innocent little charming things to say . Some boring things . yet her innocence had santified it from the boredom ..

She was a friend of mine . A friend of mine when I needed her . May be she was my best friend . with whom I shared everything . Like my secrets , that I feared snakes and roaches . Like the time I stole fifty rupees from dad ....Like she scolded me ..Like she pinched me every time when I used to smell cigarettes . She was like my mother . May be more as she was my friend too . . . . Motherly friend ...heavenly friend . She was not god ..But everything else and much more . .

where was she . Does nt she know that I cry , That I miss her ..even as I have become a man . . Like a man almost twenty five for the last five years !! It was like some seven years ..since I saw her . heard from her . . .She was like ..almost absent except for these painful memories and dreams about her . . was she really real . existant ? No now she was not there . To see me cry . . I thanked god . . As it would shock her ..to think that this communist rationalist passionless absurdist existential philosopher blogger can cry . But yes . The pain was absolutely real . It ached , Like a head being chopped very slowly , it killed me slowly to learn that she was gone almost forever . Were it all lies ..

So sorry am I miss sunshine and beautiful beaches . I am sorry , so sorry that I said to you ....

That I love you .. that I wanted you to live with me forever as My dear wife . . I am so sorry that I did nt realise that you were much more . You could only be much very more to me than someone who is just a wife . You were my friend , My only friend .. . But how could you ..just leave ..Just once when I said ...I love you ..

May be you read much more than words . May be you read a man , Twenty three years old . His passion , His selfishness . . . His stupidities . You were looking for a man , I was still a boy . Your friend I was ..

Are you still the same my friend ....Are you still ..at me ..for wanting you ...destroying everything so fine . so funny about us ..for making you want to move away from you and us

I wish I really could tell that boy . . . make him understand . .that life is not so simple . To make the girl you love understand and accept that fact that it s love ...

It is but too late now , I am too old now , Like I am thirty million years old now and so dead now ..

To revisit the past ..and meet two people , You and me ..To tell us that ...

It is okay . the world wont care , nor would these stars , trees , and morning sunshine . That two people did stupid things . . and were angry at each other for a while . That we can still call , converse , and hug ..

be a man , and you my women . . For you see you se ...i am still the same , the love still remains .. I still cherish..the moments that were we !

Love , it is an existential crisis . It is a crisis of much bigger magnitude and scale than that of hunger ,death ,religion ,world wars,and rising cost of petrol and itch gaurd ! so what is love , and more importantly why oh why is love ! ? is there any purpose . I dont see a dog devdas/romeo , or a cat paro/Juliet ! yet love in effect is always and almost certainly sexual . I mean the love that I am talking about , which is the existential crisis could only be sexual

Love as seen by an average Indian film maker

My early exposure to things other than Indian or some outsider perspective was from the numerous firangi phoreners who came visiting my monsoon clad Kerala . There was this beedi sipping couple from Amsterdam (To protect the identity of Sam and Rosy I am not revealing their names), to whom I showed numerous malayalam/tamil/hindi/telgu films . Being the Indian kid I was , I judged a film by the number of fights and the height of the fall hero took to save the heroine . And of course songs make or break any average Indian film . So the universal theme of every single one of them was LOVE . Action stories have love , thrillers had love , There was not a damn film without hero or heroine s . Ofcourse there was this rare one or two released once in every one thousand two hundred ninty seven years which dealt with things other than love , or fight , or revenge . But they were not meant to be seen by humans with ordinary thinking or Indian thinking . it was an exercise of intelligence only meant to be suffered in a dark theater with depressing silence . .

So love was everywhere in an Indian films . in fact so much so that the thing which made one movie different from other was perhaps different actors . So you had the same story repeatedly and shamelessly told for over a hundred years . Only with very minor costume changes . and of-course music was slightly changed . Earlier it was an influence of carnatic music , With Maestro (So called) Ilayaraaja with same tune and raaga for every song . But they were sad . Reminded them of their failed love affairs .Some times so sad that , concept of sadness as a feeling was introduced first time to the growing kids only by these songs . The prime example would be the following link

So here is the Hero of the film , Mr Quintessential hero of any south indian love story . he is so sad that he did nt even get the time to shave . So he sings this song

Vellai pura ondru ponathu kaiyil varaamale

so it was so pathetic to hear this song and this sadness ,that usually females and males even dogs , fell in love and was ready to do anything , so that this guy may stop singing and shave his pathetic beard . So it was sympathetically pathetic love !

I guess if it was nt for the literature ,songs and films there just would nt be any love . Why would there be love . what was this existential feeling of being incapacitated without the presence of certain someone in your life . I have heard sane sensible reasonably intelligent guys being greatly depressed when they were ,like denied their interests (romantic/sexual)in a certain members of opposite sex . Of-course it was mathematically impossible for the most attractive female in the class to be in love with almost sexteen guys in the class .But our raging and often boiling hormones was blind to mathematics , physics ,biology and general logic too.So we all fell in love at the same time with the same girl(s) So it was love traingle and quadrilaterals

But was it really love , The love which I had felt for her .

Well she was as I told you almost three times ,The most attractive in our class , And I was studying in Second standard . I dont know what had made her so attractive , being Eight years old , I was almost her age . She was not as attractive as Shakeela or reshma for that matter (they are mainstream hollywood actors in Kerala ) But she was slightly fair (the universal factor which made people feel attractive or attracted ) And she had this pencil box which made weird electronic sounds when she opened it . And yeah I was extremely shy and self conscious in front of her . I used to sing , songs aloud , Just to make her notice me . And in school bus , when she sat in front of my seat , I constantly watched her . some times , some rare times , When I fell down , or sang songs , she looked at me too . It lasted for three milli seconds , May be even less . But that was like .. some moments etched in my little tiny irregularly beating heart . It was when I was in eighth standard , Roughly at the age of fourteen , that we had telephone connection in our home . It was an exciting time. She being what she was , she had a telephone almost immediately . Yeah it was fashionable and innocent back then to ask for people s number and it was easy to figure out people s number from through the directory . So we used to talk . . And we used to talk . And god the conversation lasted for almost twenty five million lifetimes for the almost two three hours Come to think of it , it was a hopelessly dull conversations. But it felt good to talk .it felt sexually right to talk , normal . Even at times I felt proud that I was almost having a steady telephonic relationship with a girl of my Kindergarten dreams

Soon our lives took us to different streams . Me was mostly unemployed and uneducated except for my masters . She remained dumb despite her degree in Medicine . Then we met other people and so conveniently forgot ..each other .She was nt that beating heart , mesmerizing angelic female . was this the fading love . this was repeated , The whole cycle of extraordinary females and their falls to ordinary mortals ..many times

But each time this cycle had left me feel more empty than previously , Each of the cycle of life , had wiped my belief in love stories as told by films , songs and literature . People were people , Just ordinary or extraordinary as you yourself are . You just see them with this magnifying glass . which make you feel sad , after you realize that they could fart ,snore ,and smell

yet the vicious cyle of love letters and telephonic conversations continue . As they say wars are due to the hopelessly depressing boredom , so is love . Although completely illogical and serving no purpose for evolution , Love continues to exist . In-fact evolve and refine itself into poems and great world literature . It fuels passion , kissing s , and depressions of us . . the hapless humans trapped in our want to love and be loved . Love may be god , But its absence surely invites devil !

I am basically a mad man . A man madly in love .. with a girl ! With many girls . and no one .. not a single one ..Had ever loved me back . not the way I was told people would love . their love would be the love of sisters to their brothers . What do they say - Yeah Platonian love and respect for their friends ! So I became mad .. (Madly in love )! with these female liars . lieing females . I have my madness shape my words ! An expression of a dying mad man ! So you must have a second , or third infinite thought before you would want to read .. this following . After having said that .. There is no reality in these words . Except that certain persons may be real .. like me and the morning , LIke the love ! I had for this female ! who thought I was completely mad !! - So read on for further madness !!

There was no love . Without any love , How can I love her . was I lieing , Did I tell her a lie , when I told her ..In my dreams yesterday , That I loved her more than anything in the world ? Or was it that I was lieing to myself . As I tell myself ..That I love her more dearly than anything I knew . Anything I held so closely in my hand that it dissappears !

She was like the sand . The sand of Thiruvanmayur beach . The place where I met her . The place where I met ..Love for the twelth inconsequential time in my life . It was as fresh as the first time I saw love . First time I saw her eyes . WHich were like the sea . It was like to see her I did nt need the eyes . I saw her with my heart . With my skin , And my very breath . ..Was she beautiful ! ? oh boy ..sure told my heart . As it beat like it had just recieved an electric shock .....Love did exist .. I told myself as I saw her walking . Her morning walk perhaps ! May be sunshine ! may be the beach .. I thanked a million reasons why I was awake and chose to walk ...in that beach . Thiruvanmayur beach . The beach which was a temple on which the godess of beach had walked . I did nt knew her name was ..Roh when I had met her for the first time .. But I knew my heart was beating so fast that I had felt the same beat just now . When I remembered her ..

It was a song , A beautiful song . It was singing on the background in a shop which sold tea and hot coffee . It was a devotional song ! divine song .. Bakta s songHOw blessed you are Yashoda . That you had krisha , The lord who created the seven worlds as your sun . You tease him as a mother . How blessed you are indeed . I felt like Yashoda . I felt like her mother . To love her like a mother . To take her care and to care for her . There were some existential similiarities between the love of a mother , that of a devotee and that of a man who saw her in that morning . Although she was just a mere mortal female . She was my god , my beautiful morning . and she was like the sand . and the sea . Rohini ...

The world was formed for a reason . or caused by this drive to be formed . To exist .. And there could nt be a reason more beautiful than this female . Rohini .. Who was so beautiful that she was the reason why there was life in this universe . I felt like the first bacteria . The firt Eukaryote . The first of mamals and birds . I felt like the reason why Man had evolved into what he was . It was to love ...Ha ..To love .. ...no .. it was to see her .. To see my existential belonging called ..Rohini ..

It was some two months later .. that I saw her .. sitting in the same classroom as mine . She had joined the course .. A mind improving , speech improving course . Personality development course ! A corporate gimmick . A stupidily creative time pass for bored employees ...She was one of the many attractive females in that room that day . She introduced herself as ..>Rohini . I felt like I had known her my entire life . Ever since I was bacteria . No even since I was non living . may be before the formation of Universe itself . I was surprised that I was smiling at her . Was I not supposed to be nervous . Utter stupid words . Things ! no .. I was cool . I was trying to be cool . I smiled ! She came near me . I thought she was going to kiss me . No ..she just shook my hand ! and told me ...to sit down ! I was sitting near her !She had this fashionable nervousness about her like every beautiful girl I had seen . Well only she was slightly more nervous . . When she spoke . She spoke about Coimbature . About Chennai , about movies that she saw

She laughed and giggled in the middle of the conversations . Actually I never listened to anything she said ..Except for may be the laughs , Giggles and silent incessant pauses . Nervous pausesI liked her , I loved her .. Like I loved the sands .. The beaches ..and her conversations ! continously caressing me like Yashoda ! I was god now ! The god ! The living god .. The god of my love for her ! I created the universe ..so that she may be near me ..That she may sit with me and share me a joke ..That she may ..giggle and laugh .. That she may caress my left hand .. and leave me paralysed for an entire lifetime !! I was numb to everything else around me.. Everything else except for her ! the giggles ! For her I was all eyes , ears , nose , and skin of my left hand ..which she touched . By accident or by fate ! I was .. the worlds only lucky man . the most lucky man ! and that day .. I had a ferrari .. a mercedes .. A BMW and an Apache RTR !! I was that happy ..! ecstacy had an experience. And it was her . was it the love for her . Or the love for me ..or my unborn children who were laughing with her . I made love .. Sweet love .. Just in my thoughts with her ! I knew then that for a man in love . One square inch in the left hand .. can be a gateway to an existential ever lasting ..orgasmic ecstasy !

It lasted for two weeks .. The training . Two million ..Twenty billion years ..It lasted in my memories ! The memories of existance . THe memories of Cosmos ! I forgot .. to take her number . It was so ungentlemanly to ask her number . And she was gone ! .. Nowhere to be found ! Had she abandoned me ! Had the universe abandoned me ?Then she had a blog .. So I was told ! I too started to write . Mostly about her ! ..Only about her . Only I was very talented .. In making it appear like I had written about something else , Like a poem on moon . ...Silly people ! Silly her . Who knows ..that All that exists and beautiful in my world . is her !! Her name .. Rohini !

I read her blogs , Her thoughts were as beautiful as her . It was not complete . What she said . She said what she told in words still growing . COmpletely and hopelessly alive words. So alive that I had to cry .. To see it . I saw it with my happy tears . So beautifully she wrote that it were competing , with her physical beauty . naah ..she was completely beautiful . even her words . I found a new found respect .. a stupid need ..a desire to be with her forever ! may be to marry her . To make love and make our first child . Like her she would be . Our daughter . Like sand and sea .. Our house beside the beach ! Where I would see her , My wife and my daughter .. And fall in love ..With sunshine .. and morning ..like everyday !

And I had gone the other day . To coimbature . To learn where she lived .. To my surprise she came to pick me up ! She even took me to her house ! we had dined .. A green tea .. A sugarless boiled , green coloured concoction of boiling water and tea leaves . It purified me . Oh no .. How can I want to make her my wife . She was so beautiful .. How will she accept me . An ordinary lover . . . With nothing else to offer but my love for her ! ....My doubts grew with me .. and I had left her .. Without holding her hand . without kissing her ..And it was worthless my love . All I can do is write about her . To have her read .. To make her feel ..good !

But nothing else !And once she told me .. Not to love her than much ! That she may not respond ! .....She was very subtle .. Like my unborn daughter . Very gentle she was ..Like the sea .. But she was telling me to .. go .. let go and get lost . She was telling me to .. get out .. and stay out ..of her life !..........There was no love . Without any love , How can I love her . was I lieing , Did I tell her a lie , when I told her ..In my dreams yesterday , That I loved her more than anything in the world ? Or was it that I was lieing to myself . As I tell myself ..That I love her more dearly than anything I knew . Anything I held so closely in my hand that it dissappearsI was going mad !!

I been trying to get married and I been trying to get married , And yeah but ofcourse I been so desperately trying to get married that I really dont know if I really want to get married ! ? Do you recognize me .. I believe that I am the thought process of any sane twenty nine year old average Indian with Salary and A Motorbike ! Oh yeah may be even an apartment except that EMI still pending for the rest of my sixty seven million years !!There are a few things , Few good things about Pune . That you get to see so many I mean almost a million good looking fair , plump beautifully gorgeuos woman , every square inch of even waste land like Kharadi . No wonder our Osho Spiritual Shumacher set up shop there , I mean here ( now that I am in Pune ! ) . Each girl is so wonderfully good looking that , they all bolstered my want to get married !!For me getting married , meant to be together with someone , Some one attractive , With good mammary glands and Gluteus Maximus . These were the two things which excited my nuerons and hormones besides their symmetric face . But was that all ??. There was more to the females than , that which met , The hormones and the nuerons . There were their own hormones and nuerons too . Crazily normal thinking pattern of women . When I say Crazily normal . It is abnormally normal . Like Extraorinarily normal practical sane Sensible Brain , Which thinks in terms of Money , Fame , Job , status , Car , Apartment , CASTE , Creed , Religion . and cOlour !So that was your average Indian Expectation of a Male who is employed , with a Car , possibly a Bike Hero honda splendour . And ofcourse an apartment !Then you hear of this horrible things in news about Honour killing !!That is mom and dad . You loving , caring , spoilt mom and Daddy , Killing you , Not you , But those who loved ! Yeah those who loved and wanted to marry the ones whom they loved !For all those westerners who think India is a Land of spice and Spirituality ! Well .. I ll have to explain Honour killing explicity in X and Y s - Okay you have this guy , This girl . Guy may be rich , girl may be poor or vice versa . . They happen to meet in college , Or in the place they work . They study , Physics , Chemistry , Modern logic and Even western philosophy . They tend to think they are free Indipendant and all that . Suddenly they see the one they love . There is this love at first sight , Incredible rush of hormones and blood to the brain . They burst into song and dance . Then they marry , First kid , Home ..and they age - Well this is how it happens in Hindi , malayalam Marathi movies . But when it comes to real life - They are actually from a CasTE !! Different caste - To their loving mommy and Daddy . This mean s to violate the age old honour of their family . Its like someone violate the very nature and justification of their existance - So they fight - Oppose their kid's love marriage - They even boycott them . SOmetimes they even kill !An honor killing or honour killing[1] (also called a customary killing) is the murder of a family or clan member by one or more fellow family members, where the murderers (and potentially the wider community) believe the victim to have brought dishonor upon the family, clan, or community- So it is defined practise enough to be described in Wikipedia !!It was horrific to hear the news of honour killing . Then there is this guy - Pappu Yadav - Who is actually seen coming out of Court , with a smile in his face !!You see I am a peace loving guy who is violated by any human rights violation. But then at that point , Having killed his sister , he is coming out of the court with a smile in his FU*king face !! and you feel like wanting to crush his face in tarmac with your own foot . enjoy blood oozing out of that face which was smiling and you still are peace loving and you hate him from the core of his heart !!So deep down , Whenever someone mentioned their caste for purpose of marrying , IN matrimonial sites , They remind me of this Pappu Yadav - All those who have surnames - Their caste surnames - They remind me of Pappy Yadav .I mean , In all of physics , Chemistry , Biology , Logic , Or philosphy , is Caste mentioned anywhere ? Does it change our blood group or heartbeat - Our caste - Dont we all have similiar thoughts although we belong to different caste -Indians are the Racists . The worse admited unrelenting racist -SO BOYCOTT ALL RACE - CASTESAll of you are guilty of the murder of innocent lovers if you feel you belong to a CASTE !! NO MORE CASTE - Let people marry because they feel this overwhelming love and togetherness and not because they belong to the Same FU*king caste !!

The man !! Was a creature with the most complicated relationships , With himself , with those around him , With nature , With , friends , Lifeless as well as lively relative of a man ! The man and the woman ! Alchemy , Magically mysterious , Representative manifestation of life ..to see itself in the most complicated form of anger , jealousy , love , frustrations , agonies ...and ..lust in an equal and perplexing measures !Man ...had always been judgemental about the things he saw , May be ..His purpose in life , was to see things in life and call them by their right name ! The right , logical , mysterious name , the name that which was descriptive , relative and matching ..That which suited the way he intepreted what he saw ..felt ..smelt and imagined ! the names which people forget , dismiss , Yet would like to call ..Things , by their right name !She had a name , so had he ! But her name was much more magical than his , Infact her name was so much more magical than any other name , Form ..Her name was a beautiful morning in spring ! The Fragrance of fresh flowers , The streets of ..Mumbai , was touched by sunlight , No ..It was her name ! The clouds ..was her name ! she was the all encompassing name , the god ! No ..the godess . but Why was he in love , Why was I in love ! With this woman , or was it just her name , Or was it that her name was ..sacred because of his love ..Or is it that ..love was sacred because of her name ! ...He felt good that he loved , he felt good about Mumbai ..She was busy all the time , She cared little , may be it was because he loved, May it was because it was her ! May be it was the mornings , The cruel phenomenon of life , which turned man one day older and towards ...death ..towards destiny ..Towards love , hatred and war , In equal and perplexing measures !But why it was that he loved , I mean why the sunrise , sunset , and feeling of romance ! He wondered why , He felt this silent , all encompassing longing for her ..Her presence . He felt he could nt take it anymore ! ..Not a moment more . Not too soon too .. But she had asked him to wait .So he lived for her , Waiting ...just a prevention of his death ..Wait but not now ..Not in this week , or the week next , She had class . She was studying ..She was growing up . Like a kid , Like his imagination , like his longing ..she was growing . She was growing into all he saw , All things which touched and caressed ..She was growing like this anger , frustration , compassion , kindness and love , Her growth was like that of a strange mysterious , heavenly fragrant lovely ....wordless exhaustion of a longing !! That which gets ..deeply sadened ..only because it loved more than it could contain .. More than he could contain .. May be all of this was love ..Or it was all because of her !What was it about her ! was it her face he loved ? Could anyone be in love with a face , a symmetrical structure covering the brain , with eyes nose , . I wondered ..As he wondered ! or was it her eyes , The way it lightened up when she smiled , May be she was chinese , But she was a tamil ..Or is it her ..body he loved ..No ..Body was only flesh , No one could love a body ..not as the way it is . Was it her mind that he loved , I wondered ...as he wondered .. May it was soul .. Their soul ...He loved it when they were together , When they were together , Togetherness had another dimension , Another strange mysterious prescence . That when they were together , They were not together as two individuals , but as one union with each others mystery , Only in equal and very perplexing terms ! . it was like a million possibilities , Kids and family , Only they fought , almost all the time they had a conversation , He secretly admired that she was intelligent as him , Equally strong in logic as with arguements , Or is it that he loved that he was as intelligent as her . Almost equal ..only perplexing ! ..He wondered , You know ...as much as I did ..But she laughed ...Oh she laughed ..Oh so loudly ...Hooohaahhahhah aha ah ....such loud noise .It could only be from her . No ..it was from love .. May be soul ..But who cares . It was like when she laughed , it was like this deep reverberation of his happiness . He became jealous , as she became the face of his happiness . But he loved it because it was her , Or was it ..that it was just a joy ..something sacred ..when you lose yourself to the one you love ..But this creature , She had nt called him , Not since he was there , Near her . Not for atleast a month , may be more , May be she was busy , May be she did nt love .. It was the rule of love ..perhaps ..That the one who loves ..will always be abandoned ...ignored ..and ..deeply forgotten ..by the one which he loves ...He wondered ..and so did I

There has been a gradual and generally steady decline in the number of blogs being written , read and updated on a regular basis . It is but the general observation ..There are plenty of observable reasons with good logic behind thisQuality of blogs ..The quality of blogs , I must have to say ..Would have got to be some what compromised . Yeah there are hub pages which turn out stunning and marvellous blogs every once in a while , Almost very creative each time and every time too . but on the whole , one things which can be observed is the general trend of repeating , even to the extend of being copied from other site / blogs . Different people come to blog with different intentions , It takes a lot of time , passion and ofcourse patience to have a good blog with nice following , And its quiet some pressure to actually produce readable , interesting content each time unless ofcourse it is controversial and very much debatable .I have seen many blogs intentionally being offensive against a particular dogma just so that attention could be drawn , Yet I have also seen some genuinely good readable , thought provoking blogs which does nt have much readership . So I dont know to which approach to side with , Yet i do feel that ..at times , it does make some sense to have some of your thoughts being brought forward on issues and controversies !The Hype and the reality ....Most of the socially active people do tend to have a lot of creative thoughts , Which can be said also about creative people in general . Blogging was a wonderful medium to express your creative thoughts without , actually having to publish in a magazine or newspaper .Regional blogging especially Language specific blogging has always been a really intense experience . An example would have to be Tamil blogging , I have been shocked and awed by the content and depth of the tamil blogs out there . Amazing stuff , regularly updated , Really alive blogging , Only in tamil . I find that those who write in regional language really tend to identify with what is being written and hence the camaradarieEnglish blogging, Is something with really great potential , Although seldom realised by regions other than US and UK ,FaceBook Phenomenon !Brain .. Inertia ! Inertia is the tendency of an object to remain in a state of rest or steady motion unless and until disturbed by an external force - Always We take the easy way . It is said , dont run if you can walk , Dont walk if you can sit ..and dont sit if you can blog ! and dont blog if you have twitter ..ANd to hell with Twitter , I rather facebook since I am a Lazy bum !Facebook is easy , its fun , it really ruins / Spoils / and degrades any little creativity left in general populace !With Facebook , It is generally the really embaressing and ill advisable yet personally gratifying format of blogging . Who wants to know . . . Unless if they are really caring , if you have been drinking with your friends , paragliding in Timbbaktu ..Facebook is filled with such small , insignificant details , yet there are some serious facebook profiles who do share some genuinly interesting Content , Like This Osho community in facebook . Plenty of generally Good stuff they provide , But mostly copied from elsewhere (if not Osho Himself )I think This has been an age which is marked by a steady decline of thought process among the youth , It is indeed a fact that ..Most of the well established bloggers are either lonely and in the middle ages , having a lot of good / inspiring thoughts but no medium to express it ! Not so with the case with the Young and available with lots of nice good things to do (in night and afterwards too ) . Its like , Life is too busy that they could nt stop over and put in words (unless its 254 charectors In twitter )The creativity in Twitter has reduced to the random dismissive quotes ! ( which is good and better than nothing ) And facebook , Aided massively by the visual and verbal assault of the updates ( photo updates , pokings , games ) has had become a really easy and viable alternative to ..Blogging ! Even at times eating the micro blogging pie as well !It is indeed ..sad ..That there are nt new age movements in philosphy , or literature ,because now is the greatest of available oppurtunity with exposure to such easily accessible mass communication mediums to reach out to literally billions of like minded people ! Who might have similiar complimentary thoughts ! yet !! .. Are caught up .Stuck up ..being lost in facebook !