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2011-08-21

The Voices of Recovery entry for today said, “Recognition that compulsive overeating is a disease eased my guilty feelings that my inability to control my weight was a moral failure.” I remember coming to that conclusion about four days before I entered the rooms of O.A. It was one of the things that helped me walk into a room in the first place, but also allowed me to admit I was a compulsive overeater. I understood addiction and knew I was what I called at that time a “food abuser.” I had learned, through a professional study of substance abuse, that addiction was not the fault of the addict. Good thing too, because my life had been scarred by my assessment of myself as a failure already. I didn’t need to add another failure to the pile. The contributor to VOR wrote of the three-legged stool of recovery (spiritual, mental, and physical), and what a wobbly perch it indeed would be without any one of those three legs.

Proverbs 21:11 tells me that, “When a mocker is punished, the simple gain wisdom; when a wise man is instructed, he gets knowledge.” I would very much like to learn to be pliable and teachable enough that I can get my messages from simple instruction rather than the super-spanking it usually takes to dent my skull. I think of the times I have mulled over decisions in my head, then made the wrong one, and after the consequences bloody my life, it finally occurs to me that, had I chosen wisely in the first place, I could have saved myself the heartache. I have got to learn to put the retrospectacles on BEFORE I act!

By the way, honorable mention goes to verses 17 and 20, although I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned them before. They both talk about the love of rich foods, and how they make a person poor, and the folly of binge-eating. (I am amazed I never noticed these references before I came into program!)

This morning, Mrs. T.L. and I got our spiritual butts kicked by the destroyer, who clearly did not want us going to church. I had a special opportunity to serve and to matter today, and we had to do some turbulent resisting while God cleared our way to get there even a half-hour late. Still, I managed to do what I had committed to do and, throughout the day, continued to participate in things that I knew were part of the positive interactions that threatened the strongholds of evil in the lives of those I contacted. It was nice to watch, though difficult to live through.

We in recovery know that pain (emotional or physical) causes a three-fold self-centered reaction, unless we reprogram ourselves to respond differently, allowing our spirit to take the lead over our physical behavior and drag our emotional condition along behind. I was able to go from needing a remediation in this lesson to giving this lesson to living this lesson in less than 12 hours! What a “one day at a time!”

My friend, Mark, was able to wheelchair outside the hospital during his birthday celebration today, and we got to take his dog to visit with him. It was a reunion a month in the making, and it was nice to see Mark using his arms to hold and pet his little friend, when we so recently weren’t sure he would ever use those arms again. It reminds me that God is much bigger than my faith could allow me to imagine.

Later in the evening, I went to celebrate another birthday with friends. It is nice to have friends! When isolation was my remedy and food was my friend, I spent a lot of time in the dark eating alone. This is a light and lively way of living, and I am grateful for it! God be praised, I am abstinent and living life!