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Look after yourself & others – How to do both?

We don’t choose our neighbours, nor our bosses and work-mates, not even our relatives. Sometimes these people are uncomfortable to live with, difficult to talk to, or they oppose our hopes and aspirations. How do you look after your own needs whilst dealing fairly with these people? How do you deal with the unwelcome challenge of having to respond to what others want that conflicts with your own interests?

Ideal answers don’t always work.

Some people might say that to be a loving spirit one must always prioritise the other person’s needs. In an ideal world this may be the best answer. It assumes that others will look after you first and everyone will be happy. Sounds like heaven.

But we live on earth where people are not always caring. You have needs too. And if these are neglected too much, then you will suffer the consequences; hunger, loneliness, frustration, fatigue, failure, unfair blame etc. I rather like the biblical idea of loving one’s neighbour as oneself – in other words caring about the other’s needs as much as caring about one’s own.

Look after yourself too

And so I would suggest you cannot look after others if you don’t also look after yourself. I was on a plane about to fly on a trip across the Atlantic. As the engines were warming up, the flight attendant showed the passengers how to put on the oxygen mask in case of an emergency. “Pull it down from above and pull it over your face – but make sure you do your own before helping with your child’s mask.” I would have been no use to the child if I couldn’t breathe.

Usefulness to oneself is also usefulness to others, for to be of use to oneself
is to be in a state to be of use to others. (Swedenborg DLW 318)

Look after yourself and others by sharing and taking turns

Isn’t it the same in most other situations? We may be in a hurry at the supermarket but so might be other customers. Forming a queue at the checkout is what we do to fairly meet everyone’s needs. Members of the queue look themselves as they look after each other by taking turns. We also do this with our friends to pay for a round of drinks in the pub. Restaurant staff often share out tips customers have left. Likewise, they look after themselves as they look after each other. We share the responsibility for paying for public services. When you come to think of it there are innumerable examples of how people practise taking turns and sharing. It is all part of the spirit of ‘give and take’ that helps oil the way we rub shoulders with others.

How each partnership negotiate their relationship will differ but the spiritual principle is that each puts something in and each takes something out. Loving one’s partner as oneself means working on the relationship; striving for fairness; and considering the wide range of duties and responsibilities that go to make up a modern marriage.

And to discover how this works means asking questions. How money for the family is earned. Who does the DIY? The social organizing? The gardening? How are social arrangements made? Who looks after the children and spends time with them? Does each have time to do their own thing? And so on.

Taking turns or sharing aren’t always possible

Taking turns and sharing is all very well but when you want one thing and your work colleague or next-door neighbour wants something completely different, how do you go forward fairly? How do you look after your own needs and look after the the needs of others when these seem so incompatible? Collaboration may be a non-starter – after all it takes two to tango and however willing you are to work on the issue the other person may not be. It is perhaps easier to suggest what not to do in this kind of situation. Not jumping to conclusions about the character of the person. Only judging the behaviour rather than the perpetrator.

Sometimes the most that can be hoped for is a compromise that is second best for each after both sides have negotiated to find a middle ground. But this surely is better than walking away from the person and thus making future communication even more difficult. And certainly better than verbal aggression.

Recognising unfair demands

Sometimes you might get involved with someone who turns out to be quite needy. It seems that you are doing all the giving and the other person doing all the taking. How can one love this kind of neighbour without becoming burnt out? One answer is to act on the suggestion that acquiescing to selfish demands of others does not help them in the long run.

To sum up what I am trying to say. You need to turn to the best part of yourself — the spiritual dimension within you – so you can maintain what is fair and good in your dealings with other people for the benefit of both yourself and them.

trudom22

BY BELIEVING IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST IS MEANT BELIEVING IN THE SPIRITUAL QUALITY OF LIFE HE CAME TO REVEAL,,NOT A MERE PAYING LIP SERVICE TO A HISTORICAL FIGURE...PRAYER COMES FROM TRUTH INSIDE YOU,AND YOU ARE CONTINUALLY AT PRAYER WHEN YOU LIVE ACCORDING TO THAT TRUTH... UPON A LIFE I DID NOT LIVE,UPON A DEATH I DID NOT DIE,I RISK MY WHOLE ETERNITY...NOTHING IN MY HANDS I BRING SIMPLY TO THE CROSS I CLING, FOR REMEMBER THAT THESE BAD BEGINNINGS HAVE HAD A GREAT EFFECT IN MAKING A MAN FRUITLESS,

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trudom22

just be yourself, no one else is better qualified.
people will forget what you said,what you did,but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Thought of the Day: Minimize distortion by turning down the volume of your inner dialogue.

ones heart speaks louder then ones intellect.

Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together.

Stop the habit of wishful thinking and start the habit of thoughtful wishes.

The whole worth of a kind deed is in the love that inspires it.
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth... Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.

the purpose of life, is a life of purpose.

the more you are as a person the less you have to prove yourself to others.

without the rich heart, wealth is an ugly begger.

life is not a rehersal,so live it.

if love is not a game why is there so many players.
good judgement comes from experience,experience comes from bad judgement.battles are often won by walking away and fighting another day.the difficult i do right away the impossible takes a bit longer.

posted by Domenic

The heart opens when the mind lets go of fearful thoughts. An open heart, filled with love, is the conduit for manifestation. What would it take to open your heart? When was the last time you truly felt your heart wide open? Your heart, wide open to acceptance, is the place to create your dreams. Take a moment and open your heart. Feel the presence of the Divine. Feel the creation of your dreams. Feel the complete peace that is felt with an open heart. I love you all. im not a big fan of organized religion,there always hating someone for some reason or another... im ashamed to die until i have won some victory for humanity...-never explain-your friends don't need it and your enemies will not belive you anyways... the greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own...treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they should be...share our similarities,celebrate our differences....THERE IS MORE IN US THEN WE KNOW,IF WE CAN BE MADE TO SEE IT,PERHAPS FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES WE WILL BE UNWILLING TO SETTLE FOR LESS,
Who I'd like to meet:
people who are not afraid to be themselfs.just be yourself no one else is better qualaified.if you judge people you have no time to love them.