Kizz & Tell is a combination of item #17 on my Life List (Develop an erotic fiction web site) and a continuation of the G-spot column I used to write at The Women's Colony. From fantasies to frank discussion I'm just trying to re-create a really great conversation with your friends. I hope you'll join in!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Once Is Enough

I’ve recommended Vix to you all. According to her Twitter stream, after a period of playing the field her pendulum has swung again and she is looking for a relationship. No more of the one night stands or the swing lifestyle, she wants one person for night after night.How can she do this to me?! I was studying her. She was my prep class!Or something.Here’s the thing, I’ve never picked someone up in a bar or at a sporting event or wherever and gone home with them. I’ve slept with someone once and then never again but never the first time I met them. For all I’m fine with talking about sex all the time I have some relatively deep-seated trust issues. I have to really know you before I’ll get naked. Hilarious considering the shit people I trusted have pulled while I’ve been naked but nevertheless the truth.Don’t get me wrong, I am clear that I don’t have to have a one night stand in order to call my life complete. However, I wonder if I’m missing opportunities. Also, part of me thinks that fulfilling the stranger fantasy would be thrilling. Crowded room, eyes meet, pleasantries exchanged and you’re home before dawn. What could be better? Another part of me knows how abominable I am at making a first impression. I don’t know that I’d ever be able to relax enough to manage it on my end but I also can’t imagine, given how I tend to come across at first blush (just ask MistiRidiculous) I think it’d be a long shot that anyone would think, “Yeah, let’s get busy with the aloof, judgmental, neurotic chick! Right now!”The reality is that I don’t know because I haven’t tried. I have no idea how these things work. The fact that I jump and apply the stink eye the minute a stranger speaks to me doesn't help my research. But I figure you all are a great resource so I’m asking. Have you ever picked someone up in a bar, had a one night stand, fulfilled the #1 female fantasy* according to Nancy Friday? What’s that like? Inquiring minds (and other anatomical features) want to know.*I frequently mistype fantasy and fantasTy. It’s a whole different word but I think I like it. Sounds titillating.

One time I was standing outside of the bar ready to go home and this dude was trying to get me to go home with him, which I had no intention of doing, but I kissed him anyway and there was this other guy leaning against the wall kind of smirking at the whole thing. Then he stepped up behind the guy that I was talking to and started mouthing, "Go with me. Come to the beach with me. Let's go to the beach." It was really hot and exciting. Then the first guy went back into the bar for something, told me to wait there for him, I said "Ok," and as soon as he was gone Smirky says, "Are you going to the beach with me?" And I said, "Yeah. I think I am."So I got into the car with a complete stranger, drove a half-hour to the beach, and made out with him until the sun came up. We didn't have the sex, but it was still one of the most exciting and potentially dangerous things I've done.He drove me home and I never heard from him or saw him again. -- CPG

I gotta say this though, in order for that to reach fantasy status for me, it would have to be instant and anonymous. Like you meet eyes with the guy and find a place immediately...instant animal attraction up against a wall in the broom closet scenario. Going home with someone from the bar one-night stand thing still has an air of courtship sometimes. Like you spent a whole hour or two even "getting to know" this potential mate. Eh...not my fantasy. -- CPG(I'm chatty today.)

Maybe you should pick up a stranger at the dog park instead of the bar. Or in the produce department. Somewhere where there is full potential for tongue in... cheek inuendo because intelligence isn't necessarily the first thing you notice, but it is sexy. And if you can verbally spar, then you may be able to relax enough to let your guard down a little... I've never done it with a stranger, but I did meet my husband in the laundromat.

I've done it a couple times, and I have to say, it's hard to get past the this-means-I'm-a-slut factor, though I don't actually think there's anything wrong with it. Especially if you are not operating under the pretense that you'll ever see each other again. I think sometimes people pretend they'll call each other/could potentially date because it seems less awkward/more socially acceptable, and one feels less "slutty". I hate to use that word, but I'm having trouble thinking of a suitable but less judgmental synonym.