Coaching

People often set themselves goals based on things they feel they ‘should’ do, for example losing weight, giving up smoking, or not consuming alcohol for a month.

There are many reasons why these kinds of goals are doomed to failure, and there are two in particular for you to consider. Firstly, they’re all set in the negative. Our brains work best when focused on a positive statement – on doing something, rather than not doing it. So restate goals in the positive for more success.

Secondly, when we feel we ‘should’ do something, we’re basing that feeling on external pressures rather than internal motivation. As a result, we’re far less driven to make it happen and are less committed to the goal.

An alternative approach is to choose a value that is important to you and make it your goal to enhance that value in your life. For example, if you choose the value of Wellbeing, think of an action each day that would enhance your wellbeing and resolve to do that. You will be feeling better in no time, without the guilt and pressure of unsuccessful ‘should’ type goals.

Think about ways to show commitment to achieving your goal: perhaps a daily diary note, a daily reminder on your phone, a non-food based reward for doing the activity every day for a week.

Values are our natural motivators and so if we are focused on enhancing a value we will be more committed to making it happen.

Having launched a Health & Wellbeing Centre, held an Open Day for a Complementary Practice, planned seminars with 4 other wellbeing practitioners, and workshops with another 2, it really has been a fortnight of collaboration, which has led to this week’s value in focus.

Definition of Collaboration:
‘process where two or more people work together to realise shared goals’

This definition is technically correct, but collaboration seems to mean so much more. Working together with others can give a great sense of belonging, camaraderie and teamwork. A sense of purpose can be gained from having a shared goal and a fantastic sense of achievement for attaining that goal and sharing the success and celebration with others.

The support we feel when working with others can keep us going when times are tough. Tricky projects can be made so much easier when the thoughts and ideas from a group come together.

To collaborate with other like-minded people certainly can be very motivating for those who enjoy working in a team. This can be especially important for those who love working with others but have chosen to be self-employed and/or work from home, which can be quite isolating.

Collaboration can start small e.g. with one person writing a guest blog for another, then as the relationship grows you can be running workshops in partnership and before you know it, running a company together.

Outside of work, collaboration might mean organising a party together, running a marathon as a group to raise funds for a charity, singing in a choir or being a governor of a school.

As a value, it can be your preferred way of doing things, what I call ‘a value for the journey’ or it can be an ‘outcome value’, something you aim for and work towards.

We might all enjoy a little collaboration, but for it to be a ‘core value’ for us, i.e. in our top ten most important values, then it must be fundamental to the way we prefer to operate and a goal we seek to achieve that will truly fulfil us.

How important is collaboration to you?

For more information on Values, please visit my website, you will find a free values identification exercise to help you discover what is important to you.

www.careercoachlondon.com/values.html

Do get in touch if you would like to work together to put values at the heart of our society.

After a week off and a gorgeous spa weekend away, this week’s value in focus has to be Wellbeing.

Definition of Wellbeing:
‘It is understood as a state of health, happiness and/or prosperity,
with which one is satisfied.’

I have seen an increase in this value’s popularity in the top 10 core values held by my clients. This is unsurprising, in view of the growth in the Wellbeing Industry in recent years. People are attracted to the word that describes what is important to them, however interestingly it means very different things to different people.

For some, it is about feeling a sense of balance between work and home life, for some it is more about how they feel about themselves or how good they feel on the inside, a sense of inner peace perhaps. For others, it is more about whether they are eating well, getting enough exercise and maintaining their ideal weight and body shape. It can also be linked to levels of energy and vitality. These things, of course, are all inter-connected.

This value is more in our control than some others. In my last blog post, I focused on Love. For that value to be truly honoured, it involves others loving us, as well as us loving others and ourselves. Whereas, Wellbeing is more about how we feel about ourselves and in ourselves, which is much more within our own control and much less about our interaction with others.

Our circumstances may affect our Wellbeing but ultimately, it is the choices we make that can really enhance or detract from honouring this value in our lives.

The word ‘satisfied’ in the definition is key here too. Everything is relative and it depends on our expectations. What would give satisfaction to one person may not to the next. So this is a very personal and individual value.

The sun has just come out and Spring is on the way, that alone enhances my own sense of Wellbeing. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, think about what Wellbeing means to you and reflect on choices within your control to enhance that value in your life.

For more information on Values, please visit my website, you will find a free values identification exercise to help you discover what is important to you.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, of course, the value in focus this week has to be Love. If we strip away all the hearts and flowers and romantic candlelit dinners and look deep into our core for the value that is so important to so many of us at a base level, it will be that of love.

Love is defined as ‘to feel deep affection for’.

As human beings we have a basic need to connect to others, to feel and express love for others and to feel loved in return. This love may be shared with parents, family members, partners, children or friends. We need to be able to express our love and receive that expression of love from others for us to feel happiness. That’s where the hearts, flowers and candles come in, as a simple way of expressing our affection.

To believe, that someone loves you, is rarely enough. It is not something to be taken for granted. We all need signs, evidence if you like, that we are loved. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures, often it’s the small things that really matter. Those moments of thoughtfulness and kindness that show you really care.

Expressing our love for others needs to be a constant part of our lives, a good habit. Rather than just a ‘love you’ at the end of a phone call, an ‘I love you’, at a moment when you’re really feeling that love, is so much more meaningful.

For this value to be truly honoured, we also need to love ourselves, forgive ourselves for our mistakes, be comfortable in our skin and accept ourselves for who we really are.

If we cannot love ourselves, then we do not believe others can love us and we are not able to show love to others; this damaging cycle leads to extreme unhappiness, low self esteem, even depression.

The greatest gift you can give to any child is to show them that they are loved. Do this and you will watch them grow in confidence and self assurance every day. They will understand and learn how to love themselves and will develop into loving and lovable adults.

So as we focus on this wonderful value this week, reflect on how we can start some good habits of expressing the love we feel for others in our lives and encourage them to do the same. Take time to show love for yourself too, in whatever way makes you happy. Let this be every day and not just on Valentine’s Day.

With love to you all

Lindsay

For more information on Values, please visit my website, you will find a free values identification exercise to help you discover what is important to you.

This blog post is the first in a series of posts I will be writing on Values. I use values as the foundation of my coaching practice as I have found that using values significantly enhances the effectiveness of both coaching and NLP techniques by getting better results faster.

Understanding your values is an amazing moment of clarity and self-awareness. Living your life in line with your values makes you feel happier and more fulfilled every day. That is why I am committed to increasing the awareness of values and the importance they have in our lives.

This week’s value in focus is Fairness.

Definitions of Fairness are: the state, condition or quality of being fair; free from bias or injustice; the perceived appropriateness of something; evenhandedness.

It is something that we expect to be present in the world around us and in the behaviour of people around us and so mostly we do not even notice it. It is only when fairness is missing, that we sit up and take notice. It is only then that negative emotion is generated in us. For example, you might feel disappointment at a minor unfair situation e.g. someone getting a better gift or reward than you, whereas the emotion you might feel at a major injustice e.g. a child being mal-treated, is more likely to be that of outrage or anger.

Fairness is an interesting value. It is rarely the first thing on our mind when we think about what is important to us, however when it is taken away, suddenly its importance is brought into focus.

The level of importance the value of fairness holds for us and the resonance of the word to us will vary, depending on our experiences. It will be meaningful to a degree, so ask yourself if fairness was missing in my life, how bad would it be? How angry do you get when you see someone being unfair?

If you are a law enforcer, e.g. a police officer, a lawyer, or perhaps a human rights campaigner then I would expect the values of Fairness or Justice to feature highly in your personal core ‘top ten’ set of values. For the rest of us Fairness usually is quite important but rarely makes it to the top of the list.

Reflect on the importance of this value to you. Is it honoured in your life? Are you fair to others, are they fair to you and are you fair to yourself?

For more information on Values, please visit my website, you will find a free values identification exercise to help you discover what is important to you.

If you wished you enjoyed life more each day then read on for a useful Life Coaching NLP technique.

With the busy, stressed lives we lead, we can sometimes find ourselves ‘going through the motions’ of enjoying ourselves, without actually feeling it. How many times have you been out with friends, been to family parties, or even been on holiday but when you look back afterwards, can you really say you enjoyed yourself or even remember what happened without looking at the photos!

We can have very full social lives but not actually have fun, if we haven’t learnt to ‘be present’, by that I mean, live in the moment. If we are always checking our phones, worrying about how soon we can leave or thinking about what we going to do afterwards, then we are not being present and are unlikely to be really enjoying ourselves.

To help ‘be present’, use all your senses to be in the moment:

– really look at what you can see around you,
– focus on really listening to what you can hear,
– notice how you are feeling at that moment,
– touch the things around you, maybe the hand next to yours,
– allow good smells and tastes to linger a while and soak them up.

For example: a simple walk in the park can be really improved if you take time to focus on the moment. Look at the colours and patterns of the leaves, trees and grass around you, listen to the birds and the wind, smell and taste the air, touch a flower or a tree, focus on how you feel right now.

Using all your senses helps to relish and really live in the moment, to enjoy that time much more; it also helps you to remember it more vividly.

So if you want to enjoy life more, practice this technique until it becomes a good habit and part of the way you live your life.

Many times through my years in coaching, it has struck me how important values are; identifying ones own values can be a true ‘lightbulb moment’ of self awareness for most people.

Values are the things that are important to us, the core of who we are, the foundation of our lives, our reason for being, what makes us tick and indeed what makes us angry or upset if not honoured.

When I ask people what is important to them, often the responses are things like family, health or money, however these are not values. If we look a little deeper into ourselves and ask: what do these things give us? what do we get from them that is important to us? only then do we get closer to finding our core values e.g. from family we might get a sense of love, support or kindness. From having good health, we might get a sense of wellbeing or vitality. Money might give us security, choice or freedom.

We will find different values in different aspects of our lives, for example in terms of career we might value responsibility, recognition and sense of achievement, whereas in our home life, we might have values of stability, happiness and love. In our relationships with friends, we might value trust, honesty and loyalty. In interests or hobbies, things like fun, growth and contribution might be important to us. There may also be some cross-over, so values like fairness and respect may be important to us in all aspects of our lives and in all our relationships.

All these things may be important to us to a degree, the key is to find out which of them are our core values, the ‘top ten’ values that are individual and crucial to us that must be honoured in our lives for us to be happy and feel fulfilled.

When I have undertaken values exploration exercises with clients, they often say, ‘yes that’s me on a page!’ when they see the list of their top ten values, which represent their uniqueness and the core of who they are and what matters most to them. That new self-awareness and understanding allows them to focus and move forward in a positive way.

Once we understand our own true individual set of values, then we have a foundation that we can build on to construct a life that will bring us happiness and fulfilment.

I have always had a passion for self development. I love learning and growing in knowledge, skills and experience and helping others to do the same.

It was an aspect of managing people that I really enjoyed in my previous career in banking and with over 6 years of coaching experience I now get to do it every day. Most of my coaching work is on a one-to-one basis, I also do workshops with groups and teams and I run The Wellbeing Group in North London, so in this way, I have daily opportunities to share my knowledge and resources with others.

This blog is really exciting, as it gives me the opportunity to reach a much wider audience and to make a difference to the lives of so many more people. Helping people to find their passion and make changes in their lives so that they can be happier, healthier and more successful is so important to me. This blog will be packed with tips, techniques and resources to help make this happen.

Follow me here

What Lindsay’s clients say

Since learning about my values and having coaching, day to day life has become so much easier, decisions are easier to make and I feel that in difficult situations, I can handle things much more easily, with as little stress as possible.’

Gwen O, Manager in Public Sector

‘I found my sessions with Lindsay very helpful in ascertaining that the direction I was going with my career was not in line with my values. Through the exercises in the sessions (which were often challenging), I was excited to find new ideas and ways from getting from ‘A’ to ‘B’. This ultimately ended in finding job in a completely different area and I am looking forward to the future. I can’t thank you enough for helping me with the process’.

A. Healy, Executive Assistant to CEO.

‘Lindsay West Coaching is awesome, what an insight into myself, my values, my beliefs, my perceptions and most importantly my expectations based on those things! Let me say, that if you really want to know who you are and what you stand for, have a session, it is a revelation! At least I know that Making the Difference is right at my core! Magnificent’

Jenni Russell, author, coach and personal trainer.

This process has helped in practical and emotional terms with new tools to look towards a positive career change. I have found the whole coaching experience liberating. The values and skills identification sessions were particularly helpful. I have gone from redundancy to having 2 jobs to choose from, one of which pays £15k more than my last job.

J Smyth Senior Manager, Housing Association

‘By exploring my values I have had such a revelation and understanding as to ‘why’ I feel like I do when my values have not been ‘honoured’. It has helped me handle the ‘hurts’ so much better and I am now more in control of my emotions. A wonderful exercise and so fortunate to have Lindsay supporting me on my road to self discovery, thank you Lindsay’

Alix Woods, Nutritional Therapist

‘What I found most useful from the sessions was working on defining my core values. Actually sitting down and looking at what things were important to me both personally and professionally helped guide some of the follow up sessions and in the couple of months since we finished I have often referred back to these values in order to make decisions and prioritise what needs to be done.’