There is a debate within the professional community regarding just what causes children to become alienated within the context of their parents divorcing or its aftermath.

The debate boils down to this question: Is the behavior of the alienating parent sufficient to cause children to become alienated, or does the targeted parent’s behavior also play a role?

​While this may seem like an interesting question with not much significance, we find that its answer has profound implications regarding what may be recommended as a solution to the problem of Parental Alienation.

For example, if one believes that the behavior of an alienating parent is sufficient cause to create the alienation within a child, and that the targeted parent simply plays little if any role in the creation of the alienation, the recommendations coming out of that understanding will focus much more on eliminating the toxic effects of that alienating parent’s behavior onto that child.

The goal here will likely enforce time with the targeted parent, even over the child’s protest in the beginning. This model will tend to see the child’s protests regarding that parent as unrealistic or even irrational. The goal will be to help the child to eliminate these unrealistic or irrational negative feelings about that parent.If however, one believes that the alienating behaviors of the alienating parent is necessary but not sufficient to create alienation, then the responsibility for the child’s alienation will be also be placed at the feet of the targeted parent as well as the alienating parent.

Even though this model will recognize that it is unhealthy for a parent to influence a child to see their other parent critically and negatively, it will tend to see this parental alienating behavior as being simply bad parenting, but not tantamount to child abuse.

Under this understanding, recommendations will be more likely to include, among other things, parenting classes for the targeted parent, and will be less likely to enforce access between that targeted parent and that alienated child. These recommendations will probably refer to access between this child and this parent, as resuming when “the child is ready.” As a greater generalized understanding of Parental Alienation develops, it appears that the latter model, the one that spreads the responsibility between both parents, is gaining more popularity among the professionals who do these evaluations.

This is concerning since this latter model tends to see the alienation of children, once sufficiently progressed, as being incurable. The first model however does not agree with this at all. In support of this position, growing evidence is cited, gleaned from once alienated children, that even severely alienated children can and do become no longer alienated, and do and can reconnect to the parent from whom they were once alienated.What does this mean? It means that it is of paramount importance to know to which model your potential Parental Alienation evaluator subscribes. Both groups will boast knowledge of and familiarity with Parental Alienation, and they will do so honestly, but their recommendations will vary dramatically, as will their outcomes.

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The alienator influences both the child and other parent. If the alienated parent acts in anyway different you can believe the alienator caused it. The alienated parent does not understand which can cause behaviors to be different. Its the alienator that causes it all.

Linda Gotlieb has explains that hybrid cases where both parents behaviours are very very very very rare. That there is usually always one parent driving the alienation and the other parent reacting to it. I think those reactions would be considered normal by any other parenting scenario but in the case of an alienator who is teaching the child to view the other parent as a threat it is the opposite raction of what is required. Unfortunately, by the time you understand that you are dealing with PA it's likely too late... Nobody explains this stuff to you as a parent before you have kids and your relationship fails.

The fact that assessors have no real understanding of PA is the issue and until thst is fixed and the right support network is in place to help parents and children who are victims of this... we're going to see an ever increasing number of messed up kids growing up into messed up adults.

Spread the word the hybrid model is rare.

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J. Michael Bone, PhD.

Dr. Bone is an experienced consultant for cases involving Parental Alienation and has spent over 25 years working with high conflict divorce as a therapist, expert witness, mediator, evaluator and consultant, both nationally and internationally.