Thursday, November 10, 2016

Pheaturing Andrew Marks

Man, I want to move to the upside down. Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Thursday. This Throwback Thursday, let's fondly look back on the hopeful times of last Thursday. For the majority of the country whose election anxieties were just replaced with presidential anxieties, this week could be a really tough week. If you are in desperate search for some good news... political or otherwise, check out this some of the not-crappy happenings that are going on right now. I'm here to cheer you up. America's shitlord Martin Shkreli vowed that if Donald Trump won the election, he would release his coveted Wu-Tang Clan album "Once Upon A Time In Shaolin," which he previously bought for $2 million at auction. Turns out he is actually making good on his promise. He is currently uploading segments of the album onto YouTube, and according to MTV News, is planning on releasing the album in full. Even though Shrekli is a bona fide turd, it is somewhat gratifying that he has to share. Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer just announced that the city is planning on buying the Pulse Nightclub and turning it into a memorial. Pulse's owner sold the property for $2.25 million. For the next 12-18 months, the cite will remain untouched so visitors can pay their respects. There are now four women of color in the Senate.
That number has quadrupled! Rep. Tammy Duckworth of Illinois, California Attorney General Kamala Harris and former Nevada Attorney General Catherine Cortez Masto will join Sen. Mazie Hirono of Hawaii (who was elected in 2012) as state Senators. Additionally, Pramila Jayapal of Washington has been elected to the House of Representatives. According to German broadcaster WDR, an 82-year-old man found his lost wedding ring in a carrot in his garden three years after losing it. The man, who has been married to his wife for over 50 years, just assumed he had misplaced it, and it would turn up somewhere. Well it did! California voted to pass Proposition 64 on Tuesday, which makes recreational marijuana legal statewide. Now you don't have to pretend to get migraines just to score some weed. Florida voted to pass Amendment 2 on Tuesday, which makes recreational marijuana legal statewide. Now you don't have to pretend to get migraines just to score some weed. Dating is hard, but it's even harder when you are a snail with an extremely rare, left-spiralling shell that makes it nearly impossible to mate with other snails. Jeremy, a snail with a left-spiralling shell, has been matched with Lefty, a snail with the same left-aligned anatomy.
So far they haven't mated yet, but they have been flirting pretty consistently, which is a good sign. Toys R Us stores in the U.K. have begun rolling out "quiet hours" to make the shopping experience more pleasant for children with autism. Stores will open an hour early and accommodate the needs of a child with autism by dimming the lighting, turning off the music and banning in-store announcements. While most young people are extremely disillusioned by politics right now, a 21-year-old Councilman from Inkster City, Michigan was just voted into the House of Representatives. He is the youngest Representative in the state's history. Representative Jones, a democrat, is a student enrolled at University of Michigan-Dearborn and is in the Army Reserves. See? Are you feeling better already?In Cape Cod, twin boys born early Sunday morning wound up trapped in a paradox because of that scourge of the space-time continuum: Daylight Savings Time. Emily and Seth Peterson of West Barnstable, MA welcomed their boys Samuel and Ronan after 1 a.m. on Sunday. Samuel was born first, but according to their birth certificates, Ronan is actually older. Rather than try to explain the logic and risk going mad myself, I'll let this viral Facebook post from Cape Cod Healthcare do it for me. The post reads, "Riddle of the day: Samuel was born first, but his twin brother Ronan is older. How is that possible? Answer: Samuel was born at 1:39 a.m. on Sunday, Nov. 6th and by the time Ronan was born 31 minutes later, #DaylightSavingsTime had ended for the year and the time fell back by an hour, making Ronan’s official time of birth 1:10 a.m. Samuel and Ronan were born at Cape Cod Hospital to parents Emily and Seth Peterson of West Barnstable. “I said earlier that night that they were either going to be born on two different days or the time change was going to come into play,” said Seth, who is trooper with the Massachusetts State Police. Cape Cod Hospital Maternity nurse, Deb Totten, said it was the first time she has ever seen this happen in more than 40 years of nursing!" When will Daylight Savings Time be abolished? Not only does it make the entire nation grumpy at work, now it's causing babies to travel in time! The boys' father Seth, a Massachusetts State Police trooper, predicted something like this would happen. He told WCVB, "I said earlier that night that [the boys] were either going to be born on two different days or the time change would come into play. And come into play it did." Only time will tell if these kids grow up with superpowers, or if they'll remain untethered in time. Or nothing could happen, and it would just be a cute anecdote. That seems more likely.Welcome to your worst nightmare. Passengers on board a domestic Aeromexico flight on Sunday suddenly found themselves starring in a real life version of the 2006 classic Snakes on a Plane, when a 3-foot-long green snake was seen slithering out from behind an overhead luggage compartment. This story is insane, so STRAP IN EVERYBODY. Everyone on this plane had either nerves of steel or a very strong prescription for Xanex, because they miraculously did not panic. “I was reading a magazine and the passenger next to me saw it and, ‘Oh my word!’” said passenger Indalecio Medina, according to "The Guardian." “It was a frightening situation... but people remained calm because it didn’t get out of that space and nobody became hysterical." He said the snake eventually dropped to the floor, where several people trapped it in some blankets. The plane made an emergency landing in Mexico City 10 minutes later, and Aeromexico released a statement that they are "investigating" how the snake got on to the plane. It's official: I'm never flying again unless Samuel L. Jackson is on board for snake protection.Today, two days after the election, president-elect Donald Trump met President Barack Obama for a conversation in the White House that lasted over an hour. While that meeting was not made public (watch the latest season of "House of Cards" for an idea of how it may have gone), Obama and Trump held a joint press conference immediately afterwards. Most notably Trump called Obama a "very good man," while Obama said he felt "very encouraged" by Trump's current attitude and said they had an "excellent conversation." Here on the Phile I have an exclusive pic of Trump and Obama shaking hands...

Hahahaha. The meeting with Obama at the White House already got off to a bad start when Trump ordered Obama to take his feet off his coffee table."People" magazine has hopped aboard the Trump train, just weeks after saying they'd stand by their writer who accused him of sexual assault. Some see his celebratory cover is scary sign of trying to normalize his racism and sexual violations towards women. Plus, it also features a really dumb "Apprentice" joke.

Former "People" reporter Natasha Stoynoff published a harrowing account about allegedly being assaulted by Trump on the job while writing a profile for the magazine in 2005. People are calling out "People" for this shameful 180. Good job, "People." Way to stand by your writers (and things you only wrote a month ago).So, apparently Donald Trump is not only the new President but he is McDonald's new spokesperson...

Hahaha. You know, not everyone is bad who voted for Trump.

See her hat? A brand new Trump poster has already been released, kids.

That sez it all I think. Man, watching TV the night of the election some people were really, really upset.

And this one...

Awwww. Anyway, Apple has come out with some new emoji's and here on the Phile I have been explaining what they mean.

This one means the Cialis isn't working. Haha. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Things Overheard At Your Local Polling Place5. Let's see... this morning I voted for Trump, so now it's Hillary's turn!4. It's the most important election ever, and I still can't decide... Johnson or Stein... Johnson or Stein.3. Hey, this guy has the same name of that jerk-off on "The Apprentice"!2. This is such a tough call... I think Alec Baldwin and Kate McKinnon are equally good!
And the number one thing overheard at your local polling place was...1. Man... I'm really gonna miss this campaign!

Haha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Alright, a few weeks ago I announced that the Phile is gonna end in the summer of 2018. Well, I am gonna rebuke that... if that's the word for it. I decided early Tuesday morning that once Trump was announced he won the presidency it would be a shame of I ended this thing before his term was over. So, as long as Trump is president, you are still reading this blog, and I am still alive I will keep on doing it. You're welcome, world. Another thing I wanna quickly mention is that a few weeks ago I put it out there when I was talking to Jeff about football that I would love a Odell Beckham Jr. jersey and I was hoping someone would send me one. Well, a Phile reader named David Wong from San Francisco emailed me asking for my address. I gave to to him and a week later I received something in the mail. I will show you at the bottom of this entry what it was. Anyway, I came to thinking... maybe if I asked for something else another reader would send me it. Ha! I have to get something outta this thing. So, if anyone wants to send me this...

I would really appreciate it. Thumbs up. Ha. Alright, so, now that Trump is president I really wanted to know what a good friend of the Phile thought about it. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

Good afternoon, humans. A few thoughts on what just happened...
Happy for my friends who are Trumpsters... worried about what happens next for our country.
Sad for my friends who supported Hillary... but there's always next time.
I warned you that the polls were wrong. I warned you that Hillary wasn't a lock for this. I warned you that people were embarrassed to admit they were for Trump... but WERE voting for him anyway. I warned you that Donald could very well echo what Reagan pulled off in the 1980 election.
The people have spoken... Now we keep our fingers crossed.
One twat lost... the other twat won...
To those of you pumping your fists in the air over the news of "President Elect Trump"... be careful what you wish for... you just may wind up with it.
For those of you who thought I was crazy when I laid out a few months ago how I thought this would play out... Obviously you took my theory lightly and laughed... Perhaps you should take me more seriously the next time I speak with you.
Buckle up, my freaky little darlings... we're in for a bumpy ride over a road paved with shattered glass.
Let's pull together here... we need to embrace each other during this time because sour grapes make for a rather distasteful wine.
God bless America...

That's not too bad, right? Okay, it's time to talk football with my good friend Jeff.

Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back to the Phile. How's it going?

Jeff: It's good to be back on the Phile. I'm doing okay. How about you?

Me: Hanging in there. So, wasn't it nice of the NFL to give the Cowboys two bye weeks in the same season? Haha.

Jeff: I went to elementary school with a girl who is a huge Cowboys fan. She was bragging about her team's dominant victory. I said, "Congrats, you beat a team that has as many wins in the NFL this season as you do. Which is none." She was not amused.

Me: And poor Arizona Cardinals... they have the longest championship drought in sports history. Crazy, right?

Jeff: Yup, poor Cardinals. Only one year longer than the Indians. And Arizona doesn't look to be ending that any time soon. Maybe Theo Epstein knows a thing about football too? He can help out.

Me: Okay, so what's the NFL news this week, Jeff?

Jeff: There's not a lot of news out there right now. A few more injuries, another sudden retirement. But this is a guy who hasn't played all season since no one signed him. He just figured it was time to hang them up.

Me: Who retired?

Jeff: Former Giant Antrel Rolle.

Me: Haha. That's right. Hey, did you hear about the squirrel running on the field at the Packers game? It spent more time in the end zone than the Packers did the whole game? I have a pic of him...

Jeff: Green Bay scored 26 points this week. They outscored 12 teams this week. In fact, they outscored Carolina & Los Angeles combined. Not your best joke this time around!

Me: Fine. Okay, so how did we do last week, Jeff?

Jeff: We both went 1-1 this week. However the Giants won while... Pittsburgh didn't. So you gained on me this week. My lead is 3 points now.

Me: Yes! I'm gaining on you. Let's do this week's picks... I say Redskins by 5 and Eagles by 2, even though they lost to the Giants this past Sunday. What do you say?

Jeff: Jeff: I'm going to say Baltimore with their bye week against Cleveland by 5 and Green Bay by 3.

Me: Alright, I'll see you back here on the 20th when I do the Phile from Clermont Comic Con a week from Sunday. Take care.

Jeff: See you in two weeks!

Me: It's only ten days.

Jeff: Close enough.

Me: Good point. See you soon, Jeff.

Haha. And now for some sad news...

Janet Reno
July 21st, 1938 — November 7th, 2016
They say she was the first female attorney general, but I'm just not sure.

Canada
Canada is a North American country that looks better and better now more than ever.

The 52nd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Jeff will not only be talking football on the 20th but he will be the pheatured guest on the same day!

It's 4:57 a.m., 76° and Kelly voted!

Sorry your candidate lost, Kelly.

Today's pheatured guest is a singer-songwriter from New York whose new single "Seasons" is out now on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Andrew Marks.

Me: Hey there, Andrew, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Andrew: I'm doing very well, thanks. It's been an exciting couple of weeks!

Me: Okay, so, you're originally from New York, am I right? What part?

Andrew: I'm originally from upstate New York, the tundra of upstate. I grew up in Syracuse.

Me: Are you a New York Giants fan like me?

Andrew: Honestly, if we were watching a game I would be. I don't follow sports, but I get on board with whoever I'm watching with. Is that bad?

Me: No, it's okay... I guess. I'm originally from England but grew up on Long Island in Port Jeff. Ever go there?

Andrew: I have not.

Me: You live in Los Angeles now, am I right? What made you move out to California?

Andrew: I do now reside in Los Angeles, and living here was never planned. I came out here on a road trip and was completely sucked in, I just never left.

Me: How are the two music scenes in each city different?

Andrew: I get this question a lot. Even though I grew up in New York state, I never lived near or around New York City, so I'm in no position to compare the two… yet.

Me: How long have you been a professional musician, Andrew?

Andrew: I'd say that I went pro at 15 with my first snare drum purchase. However, the last 5 years have been taken the most seriously.

Me: When did you first start to write and perform?

Andrew: Well, I grew up playing the drums, and I played in all sorts of punk, ska and rock bands in high school. Around age 17, I started sneaking my brother’s guitar in my room and writing my own songs.

Me: So you play drums and guitar. Did I see that you play keyboards as well?

Andrew: Yeah, for this project I put down the guitar and began using keys and synths for most of the writing. I've always played guitars at my shows and when I write, but I'm playing a lot of keys during the new live shows as well. It's a welcomed change for me.

Me: Your new single is "Seasons," is that gonna be on a new album?

Andrew: It is. "Seasons" was the first song written for this new project and the catalyst for everything else that's been written since. It's an important piece.

Me: This is your second release, right? You had an album out called "To the Water" a few years ago.

Andrew: Correct. "To The Water" was my first official full-length release, and it came out in 2015.

Me: Has your music changed since then?

Andrew: My music has definitely changed since then. "To The Water" came from a very solitary personal place, and it's built around acoustic guitar. Since then, my music has evolved with me. The new direction derives from new relationships and collaborations with people. It's absolutely inspired by the people I've met since "To The Water." From a production standpoint, the songs explore more instruments, experimental synths, driving beats and overall just more energy.

Me: You are a traveler, producer, photographer and a singer/songwriter... what came first and what do you prefer?

Andrew: Singer and songwriter came first, and it's still my favorite thing.

Me: Where have you traveled to, Andrew?

Andrew: My most notable travels were through Canada. I spent nearly two months traveling from Montreal to Vancouver. Funny enough, the trip eventually ended in Los Angeles.

Me: Were you always into geography and exploring different places when you were a kid?

Andrew: As kid, I was always on a quest. Wandering the neighborhood, climbing abandoned structures and biking through the woods. Since I was young, I've had a weird fascination with seeing the world from a bird’s eye view. No matter where I am.

Me: What's your favorite place you have ever been to?

Andrew: My favorite place I have ever been is Lake Louise, in Alberta, Canada. It's truly breathtaking and magical.

Me: So, what kinda stuff do you do photography? Does that question make sense?

Andrew: It does! I love landscape photography. Hiking to the tallest point of a mountain and taking photos, that's my thing.

Me: Let's talk about the "Seasons" video. Was it fun to dress as all those different characters?

Andrew: It was way more fun than I thought it was going to be. The whole process became so much more interesting as the shoot went on. It ended up taking us two days to shoot, and I also have a bigger wardrobe as a result.

Me: Who came up with the idea for them all?

Andrew: The characters were all created by Michael (the director) and I. We sat in front piles of clothes we collected and created them, with each one having a full name and backstory. Somewhere in the digital vaults there are interviews with each character.

Me: Is there anyone that is more you?

Andrew: I'd like to think there is a part of me in each of them. That's sort of the concept of the video. We can look back and see the different forms we've taken over time. I would like to think the one that's more "me" is Lovelight, the free spirited traveler.

Me: Here's Lovelight...

Me: The one with you in the silver jacket you look a little like Robin Thicke. Hahaha. Has anybody ever told you that before? Here's him...

Andrew: You are definitely not the first person to say that. That's Ricky by the way, he's a downtown L.A. club promoter from Detroit.

Me: Alright, so, I have to ask, you have this symbol thing on your website and video and single cover... it's a triangle and three dots. What does that represent? Did you come up with it?

Andrew: Oh yes, the symbol/logo. So, picture my initials, A.M., and then picture a vast landscape of mountains and trees somewhere in the Canadian Rockies. That's what it represents, and I'm giving Michael Adrian credit for that one.

Me: Okay, Andrew, what is next for you, sir? When is your new album coming out?

Andrew: First thing is the "Seasons" release show in Los Angeles tomorrow November 11th at Hotel Cafe. We'll be playing all the songs on the new record, which is due out in February. We will have another single and video before then and I'm so psyched for that one already.

Me: I was gonna ask if you were on "The Voice" but that guy was Mark Andrew... I don't know, I never really watched the show. Do you watch those kinda shows?

Andrew: Haha, definitely a different A.M. combination. I don't really watch those shows unless one of my friends winds up on it.

Me: Who were your influences growing up?

Andrew: I grew up in a very musical house. My mom and dad had an extensive record collection always listening to James Taylor, Joe Cocker, The Blues Brothers, Kiss, and Zeppelin. My older brother was big in the ska/punk scene and I could be found screaming Dashboard and Howie Day songs. That's what I was working with.

Me: Cool. Okay, thanks so much for being here on the Phile., Andrew. Go ahead and mention your website and anything else you want. Continued success,. Take care. Come back again soon.

Andrew: Thanks for having me here on the Phile! Be on the lookout for the next single this winter. Everything will be available at andrewmarksmusic.com and follow along on Instagram at @andrewjmarks for a more detailed look at everything. Thanks again.

Me: Great job.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Does it seem long to you? Thanks to my guests Laird Jim, Jeff Trelewicz and Andrew Marks. The Phile will be back Monday with Chris Bierden from Invisible Boy. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Here's to four more years of the Phile!

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker