Time for the Bizarro Dow Jones Roller Coaster report of the day! To recap: Monday, the Dow fell 635 points. Tuesday, it rose by 430 points. Wednesday, it fell by 520 points. And today? Take a moment to guess.

Sure, you can grasp about for reasons like "corporate profits" and "jobs data," but the real reason is that the stock market is just one big Funny Joke. Look, it's shaped like a wave! A pretty, soothing wave. Ah.