Exactly How to Have Sex on the Beach

The year was 2000, and I had fallen hard for my friend's cousin (looking back, it was clearly the allure of vacation sex that had me so smitten, but whatever). We were at a New Year's party at a beach house and I was wearing a floor-length black dress. After ringing in the new millennium, we decided to take a romantic stroll and well, we didn't end going very far before planting ourselves in the sand and getting busy. I learned a few valuable lessons that night that I feel it's my duty to share:

1. Time is of the essence.

Nighttime is obviously the easiest time due to the darkness factor and because there's usually no one around. (It's also the only time you can get away with being completely naked on most American shores.) But if you find yourself at the beach mid-day, all hot and bothered by something besides the sun, you have another option: Location scouting. Look for a stretch of sand that's secluded (duh) and preferably only accessible by one entrance (so that you can see who is coming).

To avoid sand crotch, there are a few precautions you can take. Bring a giant towel or beach blanket that will fit the both of you comfortably. Or, better yet, make like a family with a baby and bring one of those portable beach cabanas that give you optimal coverage. (Your skin will thank you, too!)

3. Position yourself wisely.

Despite what the movies show, missionary is not ideal for beach sex. Say, for instance, in lieu of your best efforts to remain unseen, you are happened upon by peepers. His naked bum will be a dead giveaway that you are in a salacious act. Instead, I suggest spooning (and if you're in a bathing suit, it's easy to move your bottoms to the side). You could also sit on his lap facing him and wrap your legs around him. But be sure to drape a towel around your shoulders for privacy. And please watch out for crabs (the crustaceans, sillies)!

4. Make it count.

Once the logistics are out of the way, now comes the easy part: enjoying it. Having sex on the beach is wild and romantic. And, let's be honest, it's not something you can do on a daily basis. So take a moment to listen to the waves crashing on the shore, or if it's night, look up at that beautiful starry sky.

5. Rinse (and repeat!).

OK, so chances are you'll end up sandy (and a bit sticky). Here comes the best part: The water is only steps away. Head for a swim and wash away any sediment you may have picked up in the act. I assure you that the lapping waves and salty ocean make for a one-of-a-kind post-coital snuggle.

Raise your hand if you can't wait for summer!

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Chime in if you've ever had sex on the beach? Was it a success? If you haven't, would you like to give it a go?