Mayor Nathan "Charlie Sheen" Grellner Resigns

Nathan Grellner is kind of a slow reader -- it took him almost two months to read the writing on the wall.

Typically, politicians who get caught misappropriating municipal funds, or have substance issues, or have a run-in with the law, or just don't do their job at all will step aside once they're called out for it. It's less typical for a politician who's caught doing all-of-the-above to try to ride it out.

We haven't even gotten to the stripper yet.

Just before an emergency meeting of the board of aldermen last night, Grellner appeared long enough to tender his resignation.

According to the Post-Dispatch, the five sentence note read, "Recent personal issues that have cast a negative light on both the City and my family have caused a tremendous amount of undue stress on the people and the City that I care about."

The 27-year-old Grellner stopped showing up to city meetings months ago. While the behavior was irksome to his aldermen, the evening of June 5th proved to be his undoing.

Grellner was pulled over near midnight going 73 miles per hour in a 60 zone. The cop noted "the distinct smell of intoxicating beverage" on Grellner before he walked back to his squad to run Grellner's ID. Grellner peeled out and had to be chased down again, cornered at a dead end street. It then took two deputies and a dose of pepper spray to subdue the mayor.

Grellner was taken to a hospital where he continued to be combative and then mysteriously disappeared. Then (former) City Attorney Eric Martin says he was summoned to the family residence to help track Grellner down, where he found the mayor safe at home. But Martin also noticed a lot of really nice new tools and appliances lying around. A quick check back at City Hall revealed the items had been purchased on the city's credit card.

A day later, Grellner checked into CenterPointe Hospital for "exhaustion," but documents later revealed he'd been admitted for "methamphetamine abuse."

Martin has been fired. Grellner has finally stepped down. And everyone is under investigation for everything. Exhausting.

The resignation should be a relief to the contingent of citizens who were baffled they couldn't throw the mayor out of office. However, the results of his toxicology tests and the audit of city expenses and the criminal charges are still all pending.