10 definitions
by
Andrew Badera

To touch public surfaces after touching one's private areas, perhaps by utilizing the facilities, perhaps by self-pleasuring, perhaps by pleasuring someone else, without having the civil nature to wash one's hands first.

Primary indication of membership in Fauxhemian society: placeless pretentiousness. This is followed closely by wearing clothes that don't look good on you, or anyone, because it's "cool," right alongside being critical and then hypocritical about whatever you were criticizing in someone else, often in the name of "irony."

Secondary indications of self-election to doucheoisie status include a fondness for the non-non-mainstream Pabst Blue Ribbon, more commonly referred to as PBR, and feigning delight in subpar bands just because the mainstream has never heard of said bands. (Probably with good reason.)