KISS Meets the Phantom of the Web: Simmons v Anonymous

I was watching Neo talk to Counselor Hamann in a scene from Matrix Revolutions years ago when it first came out and I thought to myself, “Holy crap! Counselor Hamann is played by the same guy that played Abner Devereaux in KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park,” because I harbor that sort of obscure trivia in my head and because, as a child, I was a HUGE fan of KISS.

My best Halloween costume was Gene Simmons. I even won a prize for best costume at the neighborhood Halloween party that year. I was 10.

As I got older, I began to realize that my childhood dalliance with KISS was born out of youthful rebellion (guys in makeup who were accused of demonic tendencies felt very rebellious for a suburban white kid in the 70’s) and not really related to the music, which I found increasingly ridiculous.

While my love affair with KISS may have waned just after puberty, I’ve never grown tired reading about the ridiculous antics of this band. From their “unmasking” to the departure of original members to their re-masking and reuniting, the band has enjoyed a rather unique rock and roll history. Just as interesting is their unabashed use of marketing and promotional items from coffins to condoms to expand their “empire.”

Simmons has always been the most annoyingly vocal of the band discussing his ruthless business tactics and long list of sexual conquests for anyone who will listen – an increasingly diminishing audience. Simmons is, by all accounts (including some by his long-time band mate, Paul Stanley), a jerk, and he really doesn’t seem to care. In fact, he seems to enjoy it.

Which brings us to today…

In a recent interview, Simmons has said that the recording industry messed up when Napster and other file sharing services appeared not because of their unwillingness to recognize and capitalize on technology, but because they were not tough enough on the people who were doing the trading.

“Make sure your brand is protected,” Simmons warned during a panel discussion. “Make sure there are no incursions. Be litigious. Sue everybody. Take their homes, their cars. Don’t let anybody cross that line.”

And that includes all those naughty girls and boys with their BitTorrent and Limewire kits. Double for them, in fact.

“The music industry was asleep at the wheel,” Simmons complained, “and didn’t have the balls to sue every fresh-faced, freckle-faced college kid who downloaded material. And so now we’re left with hundreds of thousands of people without jobs. There’s no industry.”

That first line about suing everybody drew the attention and wrath of Anonymous, a group of loosely joined internet hackers who have claimed responsibility for taking down numerous websites including the Church of Scientology and, most recently, websites connected to the Recording Industry Association of America and others involved in lawsuits against bit torrent websites like Pirate Bay.

Anonymous set their sights on GeneSimmons.com taking it down and even re-directing it to Pirate Bay. Simmons responded in typical knee jerk fashion by threatening the individuals responsible, saying, “And, as stated in my MIPCOM speech, we will sue their pants off. First, they will be punished. Second, they might find their little butts in jail, right next to someone who’s been there for years and is looking for a new girl friend. We will soon be printing their names and pictures. We will find you. You cannot hide.”

It’s amusing watching these two fight. I don’t really have anything against either of them. Simmons seems rather clown-like (make up not included) given his over-exaggeration and lack of understanding of how these attacks actually work, but he is entertaining. Anonymous, on the other hand, certainly has a point, but their methods tend towards the extreme and often appear more like vigilantism than solutions.

I just hope they keep at it because it is really entertaining. Simmons probably deserves it and Anonymous hasn’t really done anything overly harmful. In fact, some may consider taking down GeneSimmons.com a public service.