OK /ga/, not sure what to think or where to go from here.I've always been attracted to guys as well as girls but never came out to anyone about it. I mostly fap to gay porn rather than straight porn but I'd only ever been with girls.Finally worked up the nerve to meet a guy from grindr after pussying out a couple of times. We messaged for a couple of weeks and he was cool.So we meet up and I'm nervous as fuck. He was really chill and took the lead but I just didn't enjoy myself when there was actually a dick in front of me.I just felt humiliated, getting down on my knees and putting his cock in my mouth. Like I was less than him or something.When he came in my mouth he may as well have spit in my face and called me a faggot. I swallowed his cum and felt like I was swallowing my dignity with it. I couldn't look him in the eye after I stood up.

Not sure where to go from here. I'm no less attracted to men and still fantasise about sex with guys but when the time actually came to act on it I hated it.Advice?

It's weird. you gotta be in the zone. I don't know how to properly explain it, but a long work up helps I feel. it's hard to control, but you have to cum and orgasm, but hold off at the same time... tighten your asshole maybe, and/or stimulate the hell out of your prostate. then keep going with whatever you're doing until you cum and orgasm again, usually within a minute of the first. the second orgasm is usually more intense for me.

Homemade toys can have rough edges which can scratch the lining of your rectum and allow bacteria into your bloodstream which can be very bad. Speaking from experience here, I used to sculpt toys with my hot glue gun until I spent a couple days feeling like shit and unable to get out of bed. Putting a condom over any toy is always a good idea, so is buying decent toys rather than shoving whatever up your ass.