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Question 4: Setting Limits

Are you able to calmly set limits when your teenager is defiant or disrespectful? Are you able to set limits on more serious problem behavior such as drug use, if or when it occurs?

Setting limits helps parents teach self-control and responsibility, show caring, and provide safe boundaries. It also provides youth with guidelines and teaches them that following rules is important for their success in life.

Teenage Drug Use and Setting Limits

A Two-Step Process

Step 1: Setting Rules

Make clear, simple, and specific rules.

Make sure your child understands your rules.

Have a list of consequences.

Be ready to follow through.

Step 2: Following Up

Research shows that parents are most effective in setting limits when they follow up right away, giving consequences when rules are broken and offering encouragement when rules are followed. Youth are more likely to follow rules if they know you are checking up on them and will enforce the consequences consistently.

Extra Tips

State the limit and the consequence clearly.

Catch the problem early.

Avoid arguments and threats.

Remember to use a firm and calm tone of voice.

Follow through each time a limit is stretched or a rule is broken.

Offer encouragement each time a rule is followed.

Testing Limits

Testing limits is a natural part of growing up, but it presents a special challenge for parents. Often our first reactions may come from fear for our child’s safety, or anger at being disobeyed. The SANE guidelines can help parents establish appropriate consequences when youth break rules.

Small consequences are better

Avoid consequences that punish you

Nonabusive responses

Effective consequences (are under your control and non-rewarding to your child)

Youth may get angry, act out, or become isolated when parents enforce consequences. Your child is testing you and your limits. Don’t react. Be consistent with your rules.