Pregnancy and you blog

Delivery room: Who'll join you for the birth?

Back in the old days, women labored alone — or sometimes in the same room as another laboring woman — while dads paced in the waiting room. Delivery room attendance was limited to the doctor and nurses. My, how times have changed!

Today, dads or partners expect to be present during labor and delivery. Also present might be grandparents, in-laws, siblings, friends, doulas and other interested persons. Then you can expect your obstetric provider, one or two nurses, and perhaps a resident, a medical student or a student nurse, as well as a team of providers for the baby. In an informal poll of nurses at my own institution, the average number of people attending a vaginal delivery seems to be about 15. That can be one crowded room!

I'm beginning to wonder, though, if we're settling into a time between the extremes of no one present and everyone present. Despite the large groups in some labor and delivery rooms, I've noticed a downsizing in my own practice.

For some women and their partners, birth is becoming a more intimate experience. More couples are spending those first important minutes with their new baby alone. Family and friends are invited in after the baby has had some skin-to-skin bonding with mom and perhaps has nursed for the first time.

Whether you'd like a crowd in the delivery room or a more private experience, make sure that you're comfortable with your support people. You should trust that your birth will be like Vegas — what happens in the birthing room stays in the birthing room. You don't want to see stories of your labor and how many naughty words you used appearing on Facebook. You might also want to avoid inviting anyone who has a strong personality or definite opinions on your labor and delivery, especially if those opinions differ from yours.

If you're concerned that someone you'd rather not have around you during labor or delivery will show up anyway, ask your nurse to prevent the person from coming in. Labor and delivery nurses have plenty of experience guarding patient privacy — and, if necessary, practicing crowd control.

It's also important to set ground rules. Discuss your partner's role in labor and delivery, and decide whether your partner might need a support person of his or her own. Be firm with friends and loved ones about your expectations. If you and your partner want to be alone with the baby for the first few hours after the birth, let people know that you'll tell them when it's time to visit.

What are your stories of friends and loved ones in the delivery room? Please share! You can also follow me on Twitter @RNMarMurry.

In addition to my previous comment, I want to add that, we need to stop saying that a husband or partner needs a support person for him or her, during a wife's medical treatment. What we should say is that the husband may need a person to relieve him, if he needs to run home, to the store, or get something to eat.
That relief person should be a female who the wife is close to, since she may be in a vulnerable state and exposed, not MIL, but her sister or mom who she grew up with. The husband's support should not be left with the wife, but should go into the waiting room and give the laboring woman some peace and reapect for privacy.
But just saying that the husband needs support, that is not the case. If he needs someone to bolster his emotions, then he needs to not bring that person inside of his wife's delivery space because that person may not be a person who the wife is comfortable with while she is vulnerable. 2-26-14
We need to be careful NOT to make everything about the husband. This is not his show. this is not about him. If he needs his mommy or dad, then he or she may have to stay in the waiting room and he can go there to talk to them there, to get his emotions boosted. But he should not tell things about his wife's body that are very delicate. He can just tell how much longer the birth will be, etc.

Beryl

October 30, 2013 9:04 p.m.

In reply to Jean. Tell your husband that he must support you during labor and giving birth, since it is you giving birth not him. He doesn't have a say in who looks at your vagina. Many women are gullible and are afraid to stand up to their husbands during this time. This is not the time to compromise with a husband.
Tell him to keep people out until the baby arrives. You would do the same thing for him, no questions asked. 10-30-13

Beryl

September 19, 2013 9:13 p.m.

How can we get the doctors and nurses to not allow visitors to come into the labor and delivery room. Medical personnel should send these people back out to the hallway.
Would you allow visitors in the room when a man is having his prostrate exam.

Jean

June 24, 2013 9:18 a.m.

Janie there is no set time before labor with the loss of the mucus plug. Really, the only thing that lets you know you will have the baby soon is your bag of waters breaking.

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