yes starrystacey sent me a message informing me of the same. Curious that a poster with onlyFIVE posts would know about steve, especially since "starrystacey" wouldn't have been around for the attacks.

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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada

The ModSquad wants to let it be known that StarryStacey logged on using the exact same ip address as the troll she is reporting. She also logged on at the exact same time. Hence, the ModSquad has deduced that StarryStacey and Femicist Nemisis are most likely one and the same person. Beware, and keep the faith, baby!

First, I'd like to thank roseviolet for teaching me once she saw that I was ignorant. I really didn't understand what I was doing, and I certainly didn't know that I was hurting more than helping. You're right, I don't want to stay here, but I don't agree quite as to the reasons. You probably won't want to read the rest of this, my final post.

Auralpoison, you have aptly named yourself. The really peculiar thing is, and I still don't get why I care at all, is that I pity you and thritiesgirl. Years from now, I'll be happily married, moderately successful, and have lots of kids, while you are alternately "rogering" yourself and picking scabs, miserable as ever. I still can't fathom why you actually "salivated" that I was about to post something in response to one of your foul mouthed missives. Why you gave me such influence over your life, especially since I never wanted nor asked for it, really implies just how empty your life must be. You actually sat there, WAITING for me to write something?! Feel free to reassure yourself to the rest of this thread that you're correct in your assessments, but it's not going to make one iota of difference in your life.

thirtiesgirl will have a few rare relationships, but will end up single, stewing in her own juices, and bitter as ever. I think the difference between us is that I continually admit I'm wrong at a lot of things, and try my level best to learn. Neither of you are doing that in the slightest. I'm going to keep screwing up, but I won't ever quit learning from my mistakes. At least I'll make all new mistakes instead of the same old ones you yourselves seem to prefer. It's comforting being miserable, once you get used to it, because it's all you know. It's frightening doing something different, isn't it?

As for the rest of you who decided to chime in, you were far too quick to jump on the bandwagon. Kinda shows just how little free will and how a deep need for approval from your peers is so necessary in your lives. The only one of you that really tried to do differently, did the opposite, trying to show me how I was coming across and how to change. She even did it without crudity, which is why I responded so readily. No, you don't have to worry, I won't be back. If I could figure out a way to totally delete my profile, I would do it IMMEDIATELY. I think my one of my female friends were right, I shouldn't have allowed any of you to have an effect on me at all, it's not worth the time and energy.

Still I learned quite a lot, roseviolet and a few others provided the positive examples, while auralpoison, kittenb and the rest provided the negative ones. At first, some of you even confused me with this "Steve" character, and others like him. That really speaks of your own collective paranoia, which I tried to lay to rest by simply baldly stating who I am, figuring that there was no way a "troll" (whatever that is) would do that sort of thing. I don't need nor want to hide behind these layers of masks that the internet seems to encourage so readily. If this is the result of spending all of one's time online, then I for one am really glad I don't have the patience to sit still for so long. Sure I type fast sometimes, but staring at a screen for hours just isn't my cup of tea.

I'm going to tell you all a little secret. The reason why you keep getting folks like "Steve" who just pop up frequently is that you go into a tizzy with every appearance. If you simply blocked yourselves from seeing their posts, you wouldn't have this problem. Hell, I even pointed out this little tidbit to thirtiesgirl, who obviously didn't pay attention. These people desperately need attention, which you so willingly grant, as if one person could EVER even remotely affect a small fraction of the enormity that is this forum! This thing is HUGE, didn't you notice? Even if someone spent all their waking hours posting, they couldn't possibly contact, let alone harm, everyone here!

Good luck to all of you, I think you need it.... Goodbye.

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"Know thyself." Socrates"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the BibleThese 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve

We don't care, don't have the time or desire to put forth the effort into helping you see what's wrong.

Go discuss it with your therapist.

Just stop posting here.

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You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.It never happened, did it?

now running on biodiesel and sacrificial blood
Posts: 2,227
From: the little house on the hill

Funk, that is *exactly* what rose is saying - that you've been writing as if your opinions are the only valid ones, your experiences the only real ones, and your advice the only good going. You sound sanctimonious, and while I would concur that you've given some good advice, it's lost in the preaching of the gospel of you. We *can't* put actions or tone across in writing. We can all try, but I personally find your "voice" so... "yes, I have the answer, little woman, don't worry your pretty head, for I have EXPERIENCED" that I don't want to listen to you - I come here to get away from that.

QUOTE

Few humans are as giving as I can be

- you said that. Stand back. Look at it. Just that one sentence. It doesn't read "sometimes I feel I give too much", it says "I am better, even in my flaws".

And, as far as we can tell, you can't delete your profile. You just stop posting.

Funk, I think the others would agree that I'm one of the "sweeties" around here. I don't get riled up or angry in the Lounge very often. I try to remain calm. I'm not saying the others are wrong for reacting differently - definitely not! - but that's just the way I react to things. I like to step back from situations, take a breather, give people the benefit of the doubt, etc.

All that being said ...I think you should leave this site. Not only for the benefit of others, but for your own benefit, as well.I don't feel that way. I don't feel that most men are selfish & should always be received with suspicion. I don't even feel that way about the occasional guy who joins this forum (I actually met my husband here in the Bust Lounge, so I obviously am not offended by a male presence on this forum). The problem here is not that you might contradict our views. Your views aren't really the issue here. The problem is your tone. The problem is the way you present yourself and the way you speak to others.

Since you brought up broad gender stereotypes, I'll mention another. It is believed that when most men hear a woman express a problem, their immediate reaction is to try to fix the problem. They cannot understand that a person may be talking about their feelings simply because they wish to receive sympathy. Solutions can be nice as long as they're worded as suggestions, but when a woman is crying and heart-broken, that usually isn't the best time to give her a list of things she must do to fix her life. I've seen you do this, Funk. Over and over again.

Stereotypes aside, my issues with your posts began long before I learned that you are male. I picked up a decidedly condescending tone. I felt as though you thought your audience was simple-minded & uneducated on the very basics of human behavior. I saw you spouting out generalities rather than addressing individuals & their unique feelings & unique situations. I did not read sympathy in your posts. Rather, I sensed superiority. I sensed that you felt that the way you lived your life and how you handled your issues was the only way for anyone to tackle these problems. You worded your statements not as helpful suggestions, but as demands. Orders.

Look at this recent post (Oct. 8th) to see what I'm talking about: ClickHere is a person in pain. The very first thing you say to this person is an extremely harsh statement. Then you spout out orders. Perhaps you meant them to sound like helpful suggestions, but they do not come across that way. You make it sound as if you think you are the be-all-end-all expert on exactly what every person should do with their lives. And seeing as, by your own admission, you are still mentally unwell, I think that's a very unhealthy position for you to take - unhealthy for yourself and for others.

Since you seem to appreciate suggestions, I hope you'll forgive me for offering you a couple. First, I think you should add a little sympathy to your communications with others. If you'd perhaps told the individual that you were sorry to hear they were feeling so badly & told them that they are not alone, that would help a lot. Sympathy & support is HUGE ... especially in the depression thread. Secondly, perhaps you should try asking questions. Instead of ordering an individual to "Go to the wisest person you know of either gender," you could say "Who have you spoken to about this? When I was in a similar situation, I found the wisest person I could think of & I talked to them about it. It helped me a lot. Maybe it could help you, too." Do you see the difference - the VERY important difference - between these two responses? If you don't, then I think you need more help than any of us can offer.

The point isn't about being "right" or "wrong". There may be sound information in your posts, but the way you come across is undermining any good information you may have to offer. Indeed, it can be very damaging. I understand that you don't mean to come across that way, but you do ... at least in print. The negative reaction you're receiving is, unfortunately, deserved. It's all bound to be hurtful for you. That can't be good for you, seeing as you're still battling your own depression. So for your own health and for the benefit of others, I think it might be best if you moved along.

Ok, I want to make sure I'm getting this right. You're saying that I was implying that I was the perfect expert by the way I was posting? For that, I am sorry, that was NOT what I meant! The whole point of language is to get your point across, and I've been screwing it up. I never intended to be harsh! Usually when I express sympathy/support, I'm right there in person, and I do something like give them a hug or try to make them physically comfortable, anything to help. Often I just hold them close, male or female, and tell them they can cry all they want it's ok. That wasn't coming across, those little actions and my tone of voice. Sheesh, I'm starting to get it, I think. You can give me as many suggestions you like, believe me I'll listen to anyone who isn't crude, hostile etc and has something to say! No, I'm not implying that I want to stay(in fact I don't know how to delete my profile here, how do I do that?) but I do want to learn something if I can.

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"Know thyself." Socrates"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the BibleThese 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.

dude, some of your posts come across as rude. We have no problem with someone, no matter who they are or gender or whatever, offerig advice, but it's the delivery of that advice. there are more eloquent ways of putting things. I don't doubt that you were trying to help, but think of how YOU would react if someone said things to you in a way that may hurt you. It's not so much offending but hurting people.

If I went into the depression thread and just posted, Suck it up buttercup, then I'd deserve a tongue lashing. I don't really care if you stick around or not, our paths don't cross, we don't hang out in the same threads, but if you do decide to stick around, just read your posts and few times and take what we are saying seriously.

If this is the case, then how do I change that? I asked a friend of mine if I came across as arrogant/condescending in day to day life, he thought about it and said he doesn't think so. He knows me REALLY well, so this can't be a personality quirk, it's got to be a screw up in the way I type my posts. I sure as hell don't want to hurt anyone! I was serious about wanting to learn something, I just didn't see how I was being rude, otherwise I would have never posted what I did. Would you help me deconstruct how I'm posting so that I can figure out where I went wrong?

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"Know thyself." Socrates"This above all to thineownself be true." William Shakepeare"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." the BibleThese 3 laws govern who I am, whether or not you like it.

I don't try and defenf myself when someone of either gender offers advice, and I have many very close friends who are men. Hell, one of my best friends is a man!

You're friend is offering sweeping generalizations of women.

I can appreciate that when things are written some times they come acorss as snark, rude or condescending. And I've stayed out of the deprssion thread (again, because I feel me going in there while not suffering from depression and offering advice is rude and completely unwarranted), but dude, some of your posts come across as rude. We have no problem with someone, no matter who they are or gender or whatever, offerig advice, but it's the delivery of that advice. there are more eloquent ways of putting things. I don't doubt that you were trying to help, but think of how YOU would react if someone said things to you in a way that may hurt you. It's not so much offending but hurting people.

If I went into the depression thread and just posted, Suck it up buttercup, then I'd deserve a tongue lashing. I don't really care if you stick around or not, our paths don't cross, we don't hang out in the same threads, but if you do decide to stick around, just read your posts and few times and take what we are saying seriously.

Awwww thanks AP, that is so sweet. I hearts me some AP.

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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada

Funk, I think the others would agree that I'm one of the "sweeties" around here. I don't get riled up or angry in the Lounge very often. I try to remain calm. I'm not saying the others are wrong for reacting differently - definitely not! - but that's just the way I react to things. I like to step back from situations, take a breather, give people the benefit of the doubt, etc.

All that being said ...I think you should leave this site. Not only for the benefit of others, but for your own benefit, as well.

QUOTE(funk0039 @ Oct 9 2008, 06:14 PM)

I asked a female friend of mine a few minutes ago, and she said that most men are pretty selfish, so when women encounter a man who's helpful they immediately try to defend themselves because they figure it's a set-up. She said that I should leave this forum, because there are women who are really negative and who won't want anyone around who contradicts their views. That last statement wasn't meant to antagonize!

I don't feel that way. I don't feel that most men are selfish & should always be received with suspicion. I don't even feel that way about the occasional guy who joins this forum (I actually met my husband here in the Bust Lounge, so I obviously am not offended by a male presence on this forum). The problem here is not that you might contradict our views. Your views aren't really the issue here. The problem is your tone. The problem is the way you present yourself and the way you speak to others.

Since you brought up broad gender stereotypes, I'll mention another. It is believed that when most men hear a woman express a problem, their immediate reaction is to try to fix the problem. They cannot understand that a person may be talking about their feelings simply because they wish to receive sympathy. Solutions can be nice as long as they're worded as suggestions, but when a woman is crying and heart-broken, that usually isn't the best time to give her a list of things she must do to fix her life. I've seen you do this, Funk. Over and over again.

Stereotypes aside, my issues with your posts began long before I learned that you are male. I picked up a decidedly condescending tone. I felt as though you thought your audience was simple-minded & uneducated on the very basics of human behavior. I saw you spouting out generalities rather than addressing individuals & their unique feelings & unique situations. I did not read sympathy in your posts. Rather, I sensed superiority. I sensed that you felt that the way you lived your life and how you handled your issues was the only way for anyone to tackle these problems. You worded your statements not as helpful suggestions, but as demands. Orders.

Look at this recent post (Oct. 8th) to see what I'm talking about: ClickHere is a person in pain. The very first thing you say to this person is an extremely harsh statement. Then you spout out orders. Perhaps you meant them to sound like helpful suggestions, but they do not come across that way. You make it sound as if you think you are the be-all-end-all expert on exactly what every person should do with their lives. And seeing as, by your own admission, you are still mentally unwell, I think that's a very unhealthy position for you to take - unhealthy for yourself and for others.

Since you seem to appreciate suggestions, I hope you'll forgive me for offering you a couple. First, I think you should add a little sympathy to your communications with others. If you'd perhaps told the individual that you were sorry to hear they were feeling so badly & told them that they are not alone, that would help a lot. Sympathy & support is HUGE ... especially in the depression thread. Secondly, perhaps you should try asking questions. Instead of ordering an individual to "Go to the wisest person you know of either gender," you could say "Who have you spoken to about this? When I was in a similar situation, I found the wisest person I could think of & I talked to them about it. It helped me a lot. Maybe it could help you, too." Do you see the difference - the VERY important difference - between these two responses? If you don't, then I think you need more help than any of us can offer.

The point isn't about being "right" or "wrong". There may be sound information in your posts, but the way you come across is undermining any good information you may have to offer. Indeed, it can be very damaging. I understand that you don't mean to come across that way, but you do ... at least in print. The negative reaction you're receiving is, unfortunately, deserved. It's all bound to be hurtful for you. That can't be good for you, seeing as you're still battling your own depression. So for your own health and for the benefit of others, I think it might be best if you moved along.

There are women & men here that I'd get on the first plane out to help them without ever meeting. GT gets kicked out of her place? I'm on it. Zoya gets arrested? I'm on the next plane to Glasgow. Crino needs fucking tampons & ice cream? I'm there. Stargazer gets crazy & decides to move to Rawanda? All over it. I will do whatever I can to protect & love these people.

This made me laugh so hard (minus the hot sauce). I think it's imagining zoya being arrested by Glasgow's finest constabulary and imaging the reasons for being arrested ... .

"When Cameron was in Egypt's land . . . let my Cameron goooo." I still want to have sex with Alan Ruck.

Polly, I get on that couch, I ain't leavin'. My butt print will be forever on your cushions. How close is your nearest bodega? I needs me forties & ice cream & lotto tickets.

I gotta admit, I crack even my own shit up. I've been slacking on the work lately because I just haven't *felt* it. But after a convo here that kicked my spirit a bit, I've been on it again. I think I largely knocked this one out of the park. Those words flowed from my fingertips like water. And they are 100%. No excess, straight to the bone.

Pardon me while I go give myself a good rogering. I deserve it.

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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."

ok, i guess i can say it without reservation: my favorite women are negative, angry women...

... did i mention i have hot snot?

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"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve

I asked a female friend of mine a few minutes ago, and she said that most men are pretty selfish, so when women encounter a man who's helpful they immediately try to defend themselves because they figure it's a set-up. She said that I should leave this forum, because there are women who are really negative and who won't want anyone around who contradicts their views. That last statement wasn't meant to antagonize!

yes, we are mean negative women. please feel free to leave as soon as you can. and i'm being a big, angry, castrating bitch when i say that.

I could really use some help around the house- can you swing by? I've got a comfy couch you can stay on.

Funk, what part of "Don't apologize, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars" and "You've heard our opinions. Leave." do you not understand.

Annoy tiny blond one, annoy like the wind.

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You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.It never happened, did it?

wait.... did i miss a slow clap for a bag of dicks? where the fuck have i been? oh right being nice. fuck! why do i say those things?!

lol. nah, y'all are more than capable, and god i lurve my busties.

although, i have to say, i am pissed off at all of you. i happened to be chugging a bottle of tabasco, when you made me laugh-- hard. have you ever had hot sauce come out of your nose?

NOT PRETTY.

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"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve