Through nature outings, my dad expressed things he didn’t dare reveal at home: a sense of wonder, vulnerability and intuition. His inner child beamed at the sight of quirky rock formations and calm blue waters.

Unfortunately, my dad worked too hard most of the time and sacrificed 4 hours in traffic each day. His joie de vivre disappeared. The pressure exploded, creating many conflicts in my family.

Our inner child represents the small child we once were, as well as our emotions, sensitivity, creativity, playfulness and joy.

Neglecting these parts of ourselves leaves us feeling lost and unhappy. No wonder my dad was struggling!

On the other hand, connecting to our inner child helps us soothe past hurts, lessen anxiety and enjoy life.

What’s the inner child?

Everyone has an inner child.

The inner child is an aspect of our personality that includes our:

core self

vulnerability

natural personality

imagination

creativity

emotions

intuition

instinct

sense of wonder

talents

So, the term “inner child” simply refers to our “vulnerable, intuitive, instinctual inner self”, says Dr. Margaret Paul. These traits stay with us, regardless of our age. But they often get buried by our responsibilities and everyday concerns.

As we grow up, we adapt to the expectations of our family and society, which can squelch our creativity and gifts. And when we don’t express our inner child’s energy, we may feel stuck and stressed, and ruin relationships with loved ones.

Psychologist Carl Jung writes in his essay “The Psychology of the Child Archetype” that the inner child “represents the strongest, the most ineluctable urge in every being, namely the urge to realize itself”.

That’s why we need our inner adult—the side of us that’s logical, analytical and action-oriented—to collaborate with our inner child.

Instead of ignoring painful feelings (emotions being the inner child’s realm), our inner adult can learn how to accept them and take action to bring more joy. Rather than forcing ourselves to work harder, we can take breaks and play.

Once we tend to our inner child’s needs, including healing childhood wounds, we gain energy and freedom to create rich lives.

Pay attention to the present moment

Many people believe we need to revisit past hurts to heal our inner child.

But we don’t need to dig up the past, especially if it’s too painful or traumatizing. Perhaps we don’t even remember what happened.

Fortunately, we can connect with our inner child simply by looking after it, as if it were an external child. And rest assured, if the concept of the inner child doesn’t resonate with you, that’s okay too.

Ultimately, the key is to embrace any painful feelings that arise in the present and take consistent, positive action to care for yourself.

Why?

Because unhealed childhood wounds will show up in our daily lives anyway. Consider these examples:

Some of the above reactions obviously aren’t childlike (e.g. drinking alcohol). But they’re adult versions of the coping mechanisms we learned in childhood: throwing tantrums, coaxing others to give us what we want, retreating and lashing out.

So, all we need to do is acknowledge our emotions in the moment, especially when we feel abandoned, scared, lonely or hurt. Doing so helps us feel loved and supported—essential aspects to our well-being, no matter how old we are.

If we insist on neglecting tough emotions, we’ll unconsciously harm ourselves and loved ones in the long run. Buried emotions disrupt our lives until we listen, one way or another.

“Mindfulness is the awareness of what is going on in us and around us in the present moment.

It requires stopping, looking deeply, and recognizing both the uniqueness of the moment and its connection to everything that has gone on before and will go on in the future.” —Thich Nhat Hanh

How to embrace the inner child

First, we need to become aware of our emotions and let ourselves feel them.