Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I have hidden the truth for far too long. I can no longer deny that I ... this is really tough, ho boy ... I ... am ... an American Idol fan.

It's true. I know, I know, the shame is almost too much for me to bear, too. Take a moment if you need it to recover. I've been watching the show avidly with Annie since Season Two, having just missed Kelly Clarkson and the astonishing "Side Show Bob" hair of Justin Guarini.

Luckily, even though Justin's career didn't make it, his hair lives on thanks to Season Six semi-finalist Chris Sligh:

But what prompted me to finally break my silence was a very alarming fact I discovered thanks to the magic of TiVo ("Best Invention Ever"). Annie had to duck in to the other room for a moment so, being the great husband I am, I hit "Pause" during the final performance of Phil Stacey. Now, Phil seems like a genuinely good guy, and I hope he does well. Or at least, I was hoping he'd do well until the steely hand of FATE guided me to pause the program during his performance, when I saw THIS shocking image:

That's right, "American Idol" contestant Phil Stacey is actually an alien from outer space with strange, compelling, glowing blue eyes! I plan on selling this photo to the National Enquirer for a tidy profit, so don't tell anyone about this, it's just between us, OK? Great! Although I didn't use PhotoShop or any other image editor on this, it's just a digital photo of the paused broadcast, so maybe the Enquirer won't take it ...

Oh sure, it could just be the stage lights showing through, but come on, how likely is that? If the Virgin Mary can appear in a grilled cheese sandwich, which is then sold for thousands of dollars, surely I'm entitled to one lousy photo of a bald-headed, jug-eared, glowing-eyed, reproducing-with-Earthlings former infiltrator of our Navy alien guy! Throw me a bone here, people!