Send me email updates about messages I've received
on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.By signing up, you certify that
you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

How to tell my husband I will NOT have his mother in my life a moment longer?

My husband insists upon my children going to see his mother every Saturday. I work Saturdays, the only day I do work. My husband doesn't deny any of this so I know it's true from what my parents have told me and what he's admitted. She hits them, not just a tap on the butt, enough to leave welts while he sits on his effing play station in his old bedroom. She screams at them and once she poured milk over my daughter's head. The woman is UNHINGED. I took last Saturday off and refused to let them go but I cannot take another a week off and I don't know what to do. I've talked to my husband and he's just laughed in my face and said if I don't like old school discipline then I'm an idiot. I wonder if he agrees with it and does it when I'm not there but I don't think so, the children would say. I'm so close to leaving him for the sake of my children over his stupid mother. We need my Saturday income and I need to know my children are safe.

What would he say if you threatened to leave him? You've got to find another baby sitter for saturdays to begin with. And if he isn't willing to let them go to the other babysitter, I think it's time to talk about a separation. I would be furious, too!

We planned having children for a long time before we had them and we even made discipline charts etcetera. I said that I wouldn't be against spanking if it was something he felt strongly about but what she does is not spanking it's abuse, she hits for no reason, even my husband has admitted this upon occasion. After our children were born my husband said he couldn't spank the little babies, I wonder why he's become so lax recently, goodness knows.

Comment by
Anonymous
(original poster)
at 6:20 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

No matter how you do it he's not going to agree or be happy about it. You need to protect your children which may mean the end of your marriage. He's an ass and your mil is a child abuser, which I may even threaten her with filing a police report. Good Luck.

Call CPS and have them do a home check on her and interview your kid's. If they can back up the story of abuse problem solved. They wont allow them at her home again. If that wont work TALK to the MIL and TELL her you will file a police report the next time your kid's say she spanked them or abused them and FILE the police report the next time. TELL her you WILL NOT tolerate her using corporal punishment on your kid's and if she dosnt like it she WONT see the kid's again. It IS THAT SIMPLE!

Since the two of you made agreements before having children in regards to this area. This is what I would do.

Remind him of those agreements, remind him that you BOTH agreed to how your children would be disciplined and that what his mother is doing not only goes against the agreements that were made but you also consider her actions to be abusive towards your children. I would then tell my husband.You are either with me or against me on this we.WE are our children's parents, WE agreed to how they will be disciplined, you either are going to stand with me and let your mother know that her actions are not acceptable and they will not be tolerated. Either it stops or she will not be around our children.I would never stand back and allow a stranger to abuse my child, I will not stand back and allow a family member to abuse my child.If this is not something we can get on the same page on, then we may need to rethink our marriage

Find someone else to watch your kids. Take pictures of ANY welts, bruises, etc. If there are ANY take them immediately to the ER and explain what happened. They are legally obligated to call CPS and your MIL will be investigated for child abuse. Just understand that your children have to be willing to tell the cops and social workers what is happening when they are there. If your husband refuses to see what damage his mother is doing, DIVORCE is the only way that your children will be safe. Your husband also needs some parenting classes.