Musings from an eternal optimist about post-divorce life, the state of being a single mom, dating in one's mid-forties, feminism, and whatever else strikes my fancy. Previously blogged at http://pollyannasdivorce.blogspot.com and you can read the before story there.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Out with the Old

In preparation for my new floors, I've had to go through every nook and cranny of my basement. I need to either move items elsewhere in my house, or get rid of them altogether. Never before have I had such a good incentive to purge: I'm going to have to move every object anyway, and there's no sense in keeping what doesn't suit me.

It has been strangely liberating.

The sweater that didn't quite fit? Gone. The cute Japanese rice bowls that I never really used? Gone. The supplies purchased years ago for craft projects that never took place? Gone. (I am never, ever, ever going to sew pillows or use those pillow inserts. It's time to own that, no matter how cute my vision of the finished project is.) The big crate of canning jars that has been sitting in my attic for three years without being touched? Gone. And with each of these things, the freedom to stop feeling like I'm behind for not using them. It's okay that I don't have Japanese themed dinner parties. It's okay that I haven't gotten around to making jam in a long time. It's okay that I don't want to sew anything. What freedom!

That framed print, street art from a European vacation years ago? I've never liked it; it was never quite right. And yet, it has lived on my wall for fifteen years. Fifteen years of "I don't really like this"?! I lifted it right off the wall, impulsively, and stuck it in the pile. The blank space it leaves behind doesn't look empty, it looks clean and free.

I had no idea that I was weighed down by these objects - mostly tucked away out of sight, neatly organized in their appropriate zones of the house - but clearly I was, because it feels so good to let them go. Each time I said goodbye to something, I think I was saying that I was enough without that item. I was saying that it didn't matter if that item was perfectly useful if it wasn't useful to me.

Sometimes, it feels really good to let go of things.

I'm trying to cleanse my life of everything that doesn't fit. I am shedding my baggage, literally and metaphorically, as I move forward. I think it's interesting how the literal shedding of what doesn't fit my life feels so good, but perhaps that's because I see the links to the metaphors. I'm working at only inviting what I love into my life, and letting go of what doesn't work makes room for that.

1 comment:

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About Me

I am blogging anonymously to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. I am a woman in her early 40s, an optimist, a reader and writer, a businesswoman, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a cancer survivor, and I am recently divorced. I believe in sharing life with my girlfriends, the healing power of home cooked food, the joy of motherhood, and the wonder of starry nights and pebbled beaches. I don’t believe in the mommy wars: I was a stay at home mom for nine years, and now I’m a working mom, and I have friends in both camps.
Pseudonyms: I’m PollyAnna, my daughter is Katherine, and my ex is Bryan. Pictures are from Google Images and are not of anyone I know.
Contact me at pollyannasdivorce@gmail.com if you'd like to say something privately, not posted on the blog.