When The Bough Breaks

We are co-sleepers, even though that wasn’t what we planned. In fact, we thought it sounded like a BAD idea. And then we had kids. When Madeline was little, she slept in a bassinet, and then in her crib. We moved her into our bed when she needed overnight oxygen because we could make sure she wasn’t tangled in her tubing. And then, when she didn’t need oxygen, she somehow found her way into our bed…mostly because it was so great to have her there.

We’ve been co-sleeping with Annabel since she was eight weeks old. She was a great sleeper, going a solid eight hours a night, until teething started. Now she tosses. She flops. And she rolls onto her stomach and sleeps face down, like she is Bert or Ernie.

Ernie is perturbed at Bert’s unsafe sleep position.

This wouldn’t be a big deal except she can’t properly roll from her stomach to her back yet. Sooooooo…she either screams because she can’t get off her stomach, or she SLEEPS FACE DOWN LIKE SHE IS BERT OR ERNIE. Except she is NOT a MUPPET, so this is kind of an issue.

She has been taking naps in her crib for a while…not great naps, because she is NOT a great napper, but she will sleep for small stretches of time, around 45 minutes or so.

Annie is an interesting case. Maddie loved to snuggle at all times. Annie likes to snuggle on her OWN TERMS and I use CAPS because THAT IS HER ATTITUDE. In Utah, she wanted to snuggle with me overnight in bed, but at home she wants her space. But just to mix things up, when she wakes up and can’t see us? She is so pissed.

As I write this, she is sleeping in her crib. Mike and I decided to try her in it for the night. We have mixed emotions. We love having her with us, but we’re feeling like she flops too much to be safe.

The other thing I’m struggling with is when to get her from her crib. Am I supposed to let her cry it out? With Madeline, we couldn’t let her cry too long because it always lead to an asthma attack.

This is uncharted territory, people. And Mike is a big softy so I have to lay down the law (even though I wanna be the softy).

Is she too little to sleep train? It’s all so new to us. What are we supposed to do about this face-down thing?

282 Comments

I know where you’re coming from! We had our son sleep with us when he was about 3 months old, he got very sick and hubby had a broken leg, so it seemed to be the best thing to do at the time. However, our son is now 11, and still likes to crawl in bed with us! THAT is not a good thing!
Our daughter, on the other hand, always liked being in her crib, but I loved the nights when I could put her in bed with us. Again, though, now she’s 7, and crawling into bed with us!
I may not have any advice, but I know I loved when my kiddies were snuggling with me when they were little! Now, theytake up 1/2 the bed, and hubby or I end up in another bed! Not fun anymore, lol!

ugh, the sleep thing. that’s a hard one because all kids are so different. my second son would only sleep on his stomach. if he rolled onto his back on accident, he would freak out and scream. so he slept on his stomach, and i know it’s not the ideal thing, but it worked for him. he slept in the bassinet next to us until he was old enough to roll on his own.

I personally don’t think it’s too young to start sleep training, i started with both of mine when they were born and the both started sleeping through the night very young. but like i said, all kids are so different, and i think it really depends on the kid. which sucks, because it would be so much easier if all kids responded equally well to every insane thing we try on them.

Try getting a sound machine at Target. I rock A to sleep every night. She sleeps longer in the dark with a sound machine. Sometimes she wakes up but other times not. And yes, sometimes I even bring her to bed with us, just because.

Christine says:

We needed some background noise too but opted to get a little set of external speakers for our extra iPod. We downloaded this song from iTunes called “Ocean Waves”. It just sounds like a loud fan running to me. But it’s a great cover for all of the household noise and very soothing (even to us, we’ve gotten used to hearing it through her monitor and can’t sleep without it either!). It works great for her.

I *think* the experts say no sleep-training before 4 months, so I think she’s ok if you wanted to start. Brent and I didn’t really sleep-train Em until 7 1/2 months, but I was also happy to nurse at night up until that point to keep my milk supply up.

Having said that, if you decide you want to sleep train as opposed to soothing her back to sleep (with rocking, back rubs, etc.) or giving her a bottle, I highly recommend The Sleep Easy Solution. It’s not the extinction method of sleep training (no straight crying it out) but uses a graduated approach instead. Happy to tell ya more about it when I see you next!

Laura says:

That lullaby sound machine thing by homemedics is the BEST! My little guy sleeps twelve hours a night thanks to that little gem blocking out any noise outside his window in the morning. I think the gradual sleep training is the way to go. As for the face down thing I have heard that once they start rolling into this position to sleep that you are ok to let them stay that way. Have you thought about that monitor that has the motion sensor on it? Maybe that could give you some peace of mind when she sleeps like Bert. Good luck Mama!

Kristen says:

I have to say, I am glad that I didn’t start co-sleeping because our boys stay the night in their own rooms. With the occasional cry for mom or dad of course! But, I am sad in a way because my boys aren’t really snugglers. I do get my 4 year old to nap if I lay with him and i love that cuddle time!
Anyway…my first son was a crier so cry it out wasn’t so hard for us. We had a house being built right next door so from the start we used a Honeywell fan (perfect noise volume-others too quiet) and a clock radio with sounds. With our second, we also used a fan but not the radio. The fans are cheap enough to leave extras at grandparents’ houses. We also make their rooms super dark.My mom and sister think we are silly but we value sleep. They are 3 and almost 5 and still sleep with these vices.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is a great book. You can skim it (who has time to read the whole thing??) and find parent stories with sleep problems similar to Annie’s. Google it and I am sure you will find lots of blogs who love him too!http://www.enotalone.com/article/4585.html
Good luck!

dawn says:

Fiona says:

I was always too scared to allow our (now 7 months old) daughter to sleep with us. I used to feed her in bed laying down then put her back in her cot next to our bed. I would wake up petrified that I’d fallen asleep on her and squashed or smothered her…but I hadn’t….

As far as i know you are meant to put a baby back on their back if you see them laying on their tummy, but of course they will roll again – there isn’t much you can do but when you see her on her tummy – return her to her back…as soon as she can roll freely – then it’s OK to leave her.

I have NEVER allowed my daughter to cry it out or attempted any kind of sleep training. In my opinion (and it is only my opinion – it works for me, I am not saying this is the right way….) I go to my daughter whenever she cries. When I put her to bed she seems to have a little difficulty falling into a deep sleep and wakes maybe three times before she falls asleep properly. Each time I go to her after a minute at the most. Sometimes I rub her back, hold her hand or pick her up….I never have to go in more than three times. She then wakes once in the night for a feed (yes – even at 7 months! If you’re hungry/thirsty then you’re hungry/thirsty!) She sleeps for about 10 or 11 hours at night.

This is what works for us…it isn’t everyone’s ideal, but it suits us. I couldn’t bare to have her crying for me and me not going to her. In my opinion she needs me when she cries…she’s a little baby, brand new…she doesn’t understand that it suits mummy better if she doesn’t wake up! I feel that she is more secure from knowing that if she cries, I will be there…that is my job.

It is a personal thing and you have to do what works for you. No family is the same….

Whatever you decide, you have to be comfortable with it. If you aren’t, they will sense it and I can pretty much guarantee it won’t work. All mine slept in the bed with me. (one at a time, of course) By the time the second on came along, I wouldn’t have gotten any rest otherwise. Good luck choosing.

Rene' says:

Oh my word, Ms. Anthropy….you said so much in just a couple of sentences. Very wise words!! You have to Mother from the gut…..not anyone else’s gut…..your OWN gut. Otherwise those little boogers can smell your fear like a spooked horse…and it sets them OFF!! You have to own your choices. You have to wear your choices proudly. Although it’s a fine line between wearing them proudly and NOT inflicting your personal choices on Mothers who have drawn different conclusions than you. I’m gonna read your blog!

Best of luck. I think you will soon work out what works best for you and Mike and Annie. Go with your instincts. All my children are different sleepers – the first was in our bed all the time, the third never has been, and that’s just because they’re different people (and we probably are, too, after the intervening years!). As for crying – you’ll know when she’s grizzling-to-settle and when she’s upset-crying, there’s a huge difference. Just learn to listen, you’ll be fine. You can never give too much love or too many hugs!

Amy says:

We ‘co-slept’ with our daughter for her first three or four months — in shifts, on the couch, carefully bundled up for safety. After that we moved her to her crib in her own room almost entirely without incident. It made a big difference in her — and our — sleeping. I’m a big fan of separate sleeping spaces. My daughter’s room is right next door, meaning I can hear her without disturbing her if I get up in the night to read or write.

We didn’t sleep train much, mainly because it seemed heartless to let her cry. As a result, at nearly two, she still does not sleep reliably through the night (and for a very long time she would wake two or three times a night). Still, it’s a trade-off. I think she’s benefited from the extra cuddling, and definitely from the extra feeding, as she was very small at birth. Many people do report great success with sleep training, though.

I agree with others about introducing some white noise into her sleeping space. When the ceiling fan is on, our daughter seems to sleep longer and more soundly.

debi says:

I’m very old-fashioned on this. I think settling themselves to sleep and being content to be in bed on their own is an important “skill” that babies have to learn.

Some get there on their own and some need a little encouragement. A controlled crying approach where you let the baby fuss for slightly longer each time before going to pick them up works well for most people. But you have to grit your teeth and see it through. Babies are smart (and sounds like Annie is super smart) and they quickly learn to cry if crying = someone always comes right away.

debi says:

Lilian says:

Being that I’m a Baby Boomer, things were so different back then. We were told to put our baby’s on their stomachs to sleep, and that’s what I did with both my daughters. They never slept in our bed but always in their own cribs.
They both slept on their stomachs until they figured out to roll themselves over. Now my girls are 37 and 31 and had no adverse reaction to sleeping on their stomachs as babies.

So I guess the best advice I can give, is to listen to your gut instinct and go bv that. It’s usually spot on.

A lot of babies like the “tight” feeling of being swaddled or in a swing or bouncer. My son had bad reflux, so he literally couldn’t sleep lying on his back. He slept on me (I nursed on demand for the first few months) or sitting up in his swing or bouncer until he was almost 4 months old. Then we discovered he was a stomach sleeper! Once we talked with our doctor, who assured us he’d be ok on his stomach, since he could roll over, he has slept in his crib, except for random nights when he’s sick or has a bad dream.

I think you should do whatever makes YOU feel best! I had twins so once they were about 4 months old i didnt feel safe with them sleeping with us. To many bodies in one bed, i was scared they would roll over or into each other or pillows. I did not let them cry though….i always stayed with them in their room till they fell back asleep. But…whatever makes you feel the best, is really the best way. In my opinion! Now at 20 months they sleep 12 hours a night never waking.

She’s actually at the perfect age to sleep train! Plus, since you know her mannerisms and cries now, you can tell when something is seriously wrong and when she’s just pissed at being left alone. You can do it! :]

I’m a firm believer in mother knows best. You just know. My oldest we let cry it out and she did great. But she never really CRIED, you know, THAT cry. But with my boys we turned into co-sleepers. For some reason I just knew he needed to know he wasn’t forgotten, that I was THERE. And now that we know he has aspergers I am SO glad I followed that feeling. I think that co sleeping (and nursing longer) is one of the main reasons he and I have such a great relationship, even with his difficulties. Who knows, it might not have made a difference but if I hadn’t I would have regretted it. But each child is different and as the mom follow your instinct and not some book or advice from someone who isn’t YOU! Good Luck either way!

Christina says:

I highly recommend The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It helps you understand all ages of children’s sleep patterns and it helped us to night wean when I was ready. Also, my kids responded well to the white noise also. Good luck!

debi says:

This may be unpopular but I hate to hear about babies being left to cry it out. What are we telling them? We are all you have and you cannot count on mommy and daddy to come when you cry.I knew when I had kids that sleep would be lost. It’s okay. They only stay little for such a short time.

Laura says:

I hate hearing my son cry too….but I do think with slightly older babies (past 12 months), they very quickly learn how to trick Mommy into coming to get them by crying. My son thought it was a very fun game and even laughed when I came in to his room after he would give me a good fake cry….

I think Mommy instinct can tell you what is a “real” cry (aka they need something) and what is a little “fuss” that they are just doing to see if it works….

Barbara Howard says:

My 3 “children” are now 37, 35, and 32. The two younger ones have 3 children of their own. One family has “sleep trained” their two, and the other family co-sleeps with my granddaughter. I’ve always believed in co-sleeping, as we did it with ours. It was easier parenting for us–we enjoyed the extra touching while we slept with them; they were all breastfed for a minimum of two years, and we felt it was good for us all to be close to them at night. Sometimes they continued to come to our room when they were older, and sometimes they didn’t. We called this arrangement “musical beds.” I can tell you that none of them has slept with us in many years now! All are college educated, even employed, and seem well adjusted.

My instinct was never to let a baby cry it out. A friend of mine once said she wondered, if crying was good for their lungs (an old saying when we were raising them), then did that mean bleeding was good for their veins? We thought not. I felt that if I let them cry, all it taught them was that when they cried, nobody came. That just wasn’t what I wanted them to feel.

I’ve learned that loving parenting takes many forms depending on the parents, and I agree with the posters who’ve encouraged you to do what feels right for your family! Annabelle is beautiful. Obviously, you’re doing something right!

Fiona says:

Sarah says:

Our 8 month old son is not a great sleeper/napper either. We tried some CIO for a week way back but it just felt wrong to us. We also never did any co-sleeping until I went back to work at 3 months, at which point I found nap nursing to be necessary since I work night shift. Now we put him in the crib and some early mornings he ends up in our bed, and he pretty much always co-sleeps with my hubby when I work (which is SO cute to come home to!). We are very happy with this.
Also as an aside about naps, my son is growing into better and longer naps as he is getting older, and my friend experienced this with her child too. I stopped stressing and reading about sleep and just went with my mama instinct. Everyone is happier for it!
Boiled down, I vote for no CIO. Babies cry to communicate their needs and parents shoudl respond!

karen says:

it’s great to get the bed back to yourselves for a while, but not at the cost of a great nights sleep!
Our youngest is 6 and like a bare foot ninja apears in our bed over night. We put her back if we are awake enough but often we wake up in the morning, squashed, hot and cuddled.
Some children do sleep well in their own cots, some dont, dont fret over whether it’s right or wrong though.
Try leaving here until she wants out – crying works well. Leave her crying a little longer each time – two fold reason, 1 she will get used to being in her cot, 2 she knows that you will always come back for her.
If it doesnt work you tried, if it does well great.
My best advice is though to get her to sleep in the cot, not in your arms. Sit next to her, read to her, sing to her in the dark but try to get her used to that bit. Make being in her cot a good experience and she may reward you with a couple of hours cuddled up to Mike on your own!

defendUSA says:

I was not a co-sleeping kind of Mom. But what I do know is that if Annabel likes her space, it’s probably a great idea to let her have it. From what you have said about her, she will get over the crying because it seems as if she can self comfort. You may even find that this encourages better napping and quiet times when she is a bit older. If she does a binky, and hasn’t figured out how to put it in her mouth, she will and you’ll be golden!

Jeanie says:

Ah, the sleep issue!! I’m sorry!! The whole thing terrified me: on the one hand, if they sleep with you, eventually it starts to feel crowded or dangerous, on the other hand, they seem so upset to be alone in their crib. I bought and devoured Pantley’s book, No Cry Sleep Solution, and Dr. Ferber’s book too. People will disagree with me on this, I”m sure, but I ended up doing a mix of the two techniques (gentler Ferbering?) starting at 8 mos.By then most of the worry I had about her sleeping on her stomach was replaced by worrying about her rolling off my bed in the only direction that hadn’t been barricaded by a wall or bedrail. I stuck to a schedule, I started with the crib in my room then edged it out slowly to her room (took a month or two on that one), I started out only training at night, and I didn’t take her out of her crib after she started crying. I’d go to her everytime and talk to her, but I didn’t allow myself to take her out of the crib. “Somebody is always training somebody,” is what I told myself. The Ferber method is not about crying it out at all- it’s much more about *consistent* bed time, nap time, sleep routine, wake up time, etc. I was more gentle about it than Ferber suggested so it took a little longer, but she was sleeping on her own thru the night within two weeks. Consistency was Key for us. My little girl is 2.5 now and she tells me it’s time to take a nap, go to bed when she’s tired, been doing that for well over a year. Back when I was training I agonized over the decision- I didnt know if I was doing the right thing, but the first time she told me she was tired and needed to sleep, I knew I made the right choice. It’s harder at first, but easier in the long run. Read both books and see if you can find your way, Heather. I know not all kids are the same, but I believe it really is possible to LOVINGLY train a little one to sleep in their own bed on a schedule parents can live with. Good Luck!!

I’m a co-sleeper with this one but with my others they slept in a crib. (What can I say? I was a lot younger and able to deal better with the non stop crying!)

As the poster says above, once she’s able to find the paci she’ll be able to self soothe but I always tried to help that along by putting, like, 10 paci’s in the bed with her, scattered around. I figured she would find one easier that way.

I always feel a slight bit of irritation when I hear people say that crying it out is bad- like I don’t love my baby or I wouldn’t do that to her. I started sleep training from almost the beginning. Was she wet, hungry, or in pain? No, so I would rub her back and give her kisses but I would not pick her up. I did involve a lot of up and down and hand ringing because all your instincts tell you to pick up a crying baby. But she’s slept the entire night through since I stopped breastfeeding- she self-weened at 5 months. While breastfeeding we co-slept but after we stopped she was like Annie- floppy, rolling around and just unsettled. She was being kept away by our snoring (ahem I mean Dads snoring) and we were being kept awake by her tossing and turning. So off to her crib she went. She just turned 4 (Friday) and sleeps 12+ hrs a night. You need to do what feels right for you. I wouldn’t adhere to a strict schedule but as long as she knows you’re there and she’s safe she’ll get it and it will be soo worth it in the end. I have a happy and confident daughter who sleeps through the night so I must have done something right.

alison says:

Corri says:

Anne says:

This book saved us: http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023
Here’s the “About the Author” from a review: A pediatrician with thirty-two years of experience, Marc Weissbluth, M.D., is also a leading researcher on sleep and children. He founded the original Sleep Disorders Center at Chicagos Childrens Memorial Hospital and is a professor of clinical pediatrics at Northwestern University School of Medicine. Dr. Weissbluth discovered that sleep is linked to temperament and that sleeping problems are related to infant colic. His landmark seven-year study on the development and disappearance of naps highlighted the importance of daytime sleep. In addition to his own research, he has written about sleep problems in manuals of pediatrics, lectured extensively to parent groups, and appeared on Oprah. Dr. Weissbluth has four sons, two grandsons, and, thankfully, one granddaughter–and they are all good sleepers. Linda, his wife of more than forty years, has provided both inspiration and original ideas for this book.

Anne says:

Ohhh Forgot to add that Dr. Weissbluth does not reccommend letting a baby younger than 6 months cry it out. But, he does address how to encourage sleep for younger babies. I would sit and listen to my son cry while reading and rereading the section on how sleep is like food and water and you just like you feed your kids, you must also allow them to sleep which sometimes means crying first.

anotherheatherfromcanada says:

Well … my oldest is almost 4, my youngest is just over 2. With our oldest, she slept in a bassinet directly on my side of the bed for most of the night, when she woke for her early morning feed, daddy would put her in bed to lay with me for most of the morning. At about 6 months or so, we decided to put her in her crib in her room, we kept our doors open so we could hear her , and would go to her when she cried for a bottle, for a rock, whatever she needed. We had a rule though, if after doing what we could do cuddle her and make her comfortable she still cried, we let her cry it out. When she reached 2, she was in a toddler bed, and she cries when she is not tired or if something like she is sick or not feeling well, she still sleeps with me occasionally when she is sick and comes to lay with us in the morning, as she is an early riser still ! Our son was a different story, a preemie by almost 6 weeks, he like his sister stayed in our room for the first 6 months, he was the cuddler of the 2, naptime was impossible with him, because after rocking him to sleep he would scream the second I layed him down, so it would go back and forth, he’d scream, I’d rock, he’d fall asleep only to wake 5 minutes later. Finally around 6 months old he started to nap for longer stretches, at 8 months old we put him in his room in a crib, at around 11 or 12 months he started to sleep on his own and we do the same as with our daughter, one of us would go to him, comfort him, rock him, feed him, whatever, and if after all was said and done he still cried, then we let him cry it out. To this day, one of us goes to him still, just recently he stopped letting me sing to him, I’ll rock and sing a few minutes, then he points at his crib and wants to be in there. Our motto was if we’ve done all we can to comfort and make sure that they are comfortable, then they need to self soothe, and this has worked well for all of us because for the most part our children sleep through the night, if they need us we go, however we put a limit on it, if we know they are only crying since they cannot sleep or they don’t feel tired, then we don’t go in. Our children go to bed around 8:30 in the night and wake up around 6:30. As the others have said, trust your own judgement, you know Annie the best, my opinion if she wants the space, then let her have the space. As for crying, only you can make that judgement call, whatever you are comfortable with, you can do.

Jen says:

This is the perfect age for you to sleep train! I rocked my daughter for a long time, probably till she was almost 5 months! Then I introduced a small froggy (which I am not sure is recommended so early BUT it worked) However I totally think that you are in a good place to sleep train. I am not sure of the correct procedure but I am sure you can google it and try it out! They say it only takes a few days! Good luck!!!

Meghan says:

I teach Nurturing Parenting classes, but I’m also a mom to three…and even knowing what I know about research and whatnot, I STILL have conflicts when dealing with my own kids b/c every one is so different. ANYHOW! Studies show that crying it out this young is NOT a good idea as they do not understand where you are or why you’re gone, or if you’ll ever be back. Of course they eventually fall asleep…out of sheer exhaustion. Theres modified versions of CIO, which is what I’ve tended to use with my kids. If the baby fusses, you can go in pat her back, reassure her that you’re there, but then walk away…just don’t pick her up.
I definately think the other posters are right about the sound machine too…they’re awesome!
The other thing is, be consistent with whatever you choose…it’ll confuse her to no end if you go in and pat her once, pick her up another time, and then don’t go in at all.
Good luck!!!

I agree with the previous poster about the Healthy Sleep Habits book. I love how he goes about the book in a nonjudgemental way-ie some parents will do CIO some will try other approaches. We have used this book with all three and have done a little CIO with them-it was hard but my kids are amazing sleepers and generally happy children. They love me and I’m not worry that they aren’t well adjusted because they had to cry-in fact with the twins we used to always say that someone was always crying, there is no way around it.

Both my kids were healthy and both were stomach sleepers. I could never let them cry it out, and that meant that my littlest one slept with me almost every night until he was over 2. And now, with him almost 4, at least a few times a week I end up in his (queen-size) bed in the middle of the night. He managed to climb out of his crib at 9 months old, so we baby-proofed his room completely and put him on a large mattress on the floor (we did this with my daughter too) and put a baby-gate on his room. This way when they cried in the night I could just stumble from one big bed to another, and when they were big enough we but up the bed frames. If you’ve got the space, I’d say definitely get Annie a double bed. (The queen size was a gift, I’m not complaining!)

Good luck, and just go with your gut. If you need to sleep train her for YOUR sanity, then go ahead, and I agree that Elizabeth Pantley’s book is great, but if you’re happy sleeping with Annie and getting up to cuddle her? It’s not spoiling her, and she will eventually sleep on her own. For me, those night-time snuggles were some of the most precious moments of motherhood, and worth the bleary-eyed mornings. She’ll be big before you know it, and what’s coffee for anyway?

lb says:

I’ve coslept with all 3 of mine. I’m not a fan of CIO. As they got older, I slowly, gently encouraged them to sleep in their own beds. They have all done it in slightly different ways, and on their own timetable, but they’ve all done it in the end. At times it has been hard, but I’ve always felt like it was the loving choice. Parenting isn’t always easy, as you well know! And the easiest choice isn’t always the best.

As for the unsafe sleeping position, I don’t see how the bed is much different from the crib. If she likes to get on her tummy, she will do it in the crib too, won’t she? To keep mine safe in the bed, I kept blankets well away from their faces (I slept in long sleeves to keep warm) and used a smaller pillow so they’d have more room without running into it. Good luck with whatever you decide. Sleep is important for mommies!

Jaime says:

It’s certainly a good age to start sleep training, but that does not mean you have to use controlled crying or cry-it-out. I never did with either of my babies…. I’ve seen a couple of folks in the comments mention Pantley, so I wanted to throw the Babywhisperer out there as well. She was a huge advocate of independent sleep but the parents teach the children how to do with respect and love. They do have an online forum filled with info you can read & adapt to your needs. http://www.babywhispererforums.com/

Glenda says:

My son liked his own space. So he slept in his crib without a problem. When he got up if he didn’t cry I let him lay in his crib for a while. If he cried I always went and got him. Changed his diaper and fed and then brought him in bed with us to cuddle. He never slept in our bed! My daughter got sick when she was 1 1/2 and we brought her in bed with us and she always crept into it up until she was 10. She LOVED to sleep with us and cuddle. If she woke up from her crib she cried hysterical and we never let her cry it out, we just went and got her out. She hated to be alone in her own room. Each kid is so different. I’d say go with the flow and see what works for you, Mike and Annabel. I know what you mean about the safety issue and sleeping with her face dug into the mattress. I’d definitely put her in her crib and see how that works out for all of you. Good Luck!

I think it’s up to you how you want to approach sleep. Every baby is so different, and every parent too. I slept with my first until he was 11 months old, then moved him to his crib to see if he’d sleep better. It didn’t work. My 2 year old still sleeps with us, but we will soon move her to her own big bed. I don’t let mine cry it out, because it makes me too sad. Go with your gut!

I knew my son was ready for some sleep training when he switched from sleeping pretty well at night (only one or two wake ups) to waking up 4, 5, 6 times a night. It was very clear that he did not know how to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own, and it started really interrupting his sleep. I sleep trained him at 6 months (we did 2 nights of CIO and then he was able to fall asleep on his own without crying). My daughter I “sleep trained” at 5 months, but she was easier – she was swaddled up to that point (and busting out every night), so I just unswaddled her, laid her in her crib awake but sleepy, and… that was that. She didn’t really need any “training.”

There are so many opinions on CIO and other methods of sleep training. You might just have to try things a few different ways before you figure out what is comfortable and right for you (meaning you as in your family). Good luck!

Monica says:

With that precious little face I would want to scoop her up everytime. However, it is OK to let your baby ” cry it out” and learn to self comfort themselves. I also use a sound machine in my kids’ rooms. It is so easy to just give in and get her, but then she’ll get used to that and depend on you coming for her. There are also lots of cute mobiles that play slideshows on the ceiling, may entertain her.

keri says:

Heather, I suspect you will get alot of opinions on this. My first was not a great napper and never seemed like she needed much sleep. But she did sleep well at night – Around 3 months we started “sleep training” so to speak – put her in her crib drowsy and let her fall asleep. I used Heathly SLeep habits, happy child (I think thats what it was called) for us – as a guide – not a “bible” and it worked. Took 2-3 days of her crying for 5 minutes, go into sooth, and so on, but she started sleeping really well and was able to put herself back to sleep if she woke up (and wasnt hungry)

I think (but am no dr) that once they can start rolling over, that is ok (and I suspect annie will learn to roll back in a few days?)

My ex-husband basically told me our oldest needed to be moved to the crib at 10 months, no arguments… I tried that ‘let her cry it out thing’ for exactly one night

Both daughter and I got no sleep that night and I still remember how horrible it was. She’s 8 now and sleeps on her own without fail… she co-slept with me after I left exhusband until she was about 4, when she was ready to go… she did so on her own terms and none of us lost any sleep over it.

My youngest, who never wanted to co-sleep as an infant now frequently comes in to cuddle at all hours of the night…

I’m just reading everyone’s comments with great interest (and am even more confused because of it.) Our 3.5 month old daughter is quickly growing out of her bassinet, and we’re only about a month away from needing to make this same decision…I can’t imagine not having her sleep in our room, not being able to roll over in the middle of the night to double/triple/quadruple check that she’s still breathing–Especially since she’s at greater risk for SIDS. (She’s a preemie, plus her birthmom–we adopted her–was a smoker.)

I’ve gotten a Snuza motion sensor monitor, and we’ll definitely use that whenever the time comes. But still, the idea of being SO FAR from her (a WHOLE TWENTY FEET AWAY(!!) is tough.

By the way…my Anna and your Annabel look so darned similar, it’s eerie. (No, I didn’t choose her name because of your Annie…I’m a blog stalker, but not a stalker-stalker.) Although I’ve been copying your baby blocks idea to document her growth (attributed you in my blog), so Thank You for that. It’ll make a great addition to a scrapbook when, um, I get around to being able to summon the energy to maybe consider putting a scrapbook together.

I was a bit of a cross between a softie and a meanie – at a certain point I needed MY sleep! My kids co-slept off and on, too (some longer than others, but everyone was outta there by 2, although I think my daughter, who is 10, would STILL be in the big bed if we’d let her!).

Up until my kids were about 6 months old I got them whenever they cried, and they learned that they didn’t have to scream for hours to finally get someone to come to them. They were sleeping through the night be about 2 or 3 months, though, so that wasn’t a giant issue. After 6 months, they really didn’t cry that much, honestly. They’d fuss a bit when I put them to bed, but no more than 2 – 3 minutes, if that long. We’re blessed with awesome sleepers, so this worked for us (or maybe THEY just like THEIR sleep, too!).

About the tummy sleeping thing – I had one that LOVED to do it and I was a bit of a nutjob about it so we bought this wedge thing at Target that kept him on his back/side. He actually liked it since it snuggled him and made him feel safe. Once he could turn over both ways, I figured he didn’t need it any more.

I’m sure you’ll work out something that works for you guys and Annie. Like the previous poster said, go with your gut.

Sherri says:

I have a home daycare, and here are the NC “legal” rules: Always put them down on their backs (til they are 1). Once they can roll over on their own, they can stay in that position, but still put them down on their back. We are not allowed to put a child down on their tummies before 6 months even if a parent WANTS us to, unless we have a signed doctor note.
Now, as for CIO…you can do that at about 4 months. However, with mine I waited til more like 7-10 months b/c I was a softie. When I did it was when I was so tired I couldn’t see straight b/c they were getting up too frequently. CIO was a very quick process and they learned really quickly to sleep all night. It was a blessing. It was fabulous. It was heaven. I had no idea how sleep deprived I was. Good luck whatever you decide!!

My 9 week old son has slept in his crib since he was 4 weeks old only because he was too long for the bassinet. It was tough at first getting up 9 million times but we bought a mobile that makes noise and has moons and stars (Babies R Us) and now we lay him down after his last bottle and he puts himself to sleep watching the darn thing. And he sleeps 6 to 7 hours at a time. Best of luck to y’all and that gorgeous baby girl

hawkfeather says:

You may have accidentally opened a can of worms.. people seem to feel very strongly one way or another when it comes to cio.
You will find what works best for your family. I am sure it varies a lot form household to household.

we co-selpt.. and I can say that five kids later.. we never had ANY issues getting anyone *out* of our bed.. we have a healthy *HAPPY* love life.. and as far as I can say- no potential serial killers in the mix… in fact we have awesome loving children…so I am not one to feel co-sleeping warps children in the least.

I have never cio.. i have taken sanity breaks for a few seconds- but i admit baby was usually within my grasp none the less.

I can not imagine not being able to open my eyes and SEE any of my children when they were babies.. from my first she was in a bassinet beside my bed.. and I sold that freakin crib before she was 3 months old.. and never replaced it.

I am biased and I do know it. When I was young a child in my care died while sleeping- it was deemed SIDS.. but it was also 15 years ago and I know now technically what was once deemed SIDS is no longer.. she passed away because she spit up and aspirated, because of how quickly it happened and being unable to save her- I have a lot of fear laying my children down to sleep. or letting them cry while unattended..

I know we are not supposed to share horror stories as parents- because the extremes are not really the reality.. but in my case this was my reality..

I wasn’t anticipating sharing this- or opening it up for myself even- none the less a little one I very much love was lost and this very very much affected my choice- i HAVE to see my baby’s sleep.. even when they reach the age they need to move on to their own space I struggle with it.

Anna Marie says:

I didn’t start sleep training emmie until 8 or 9 months, but she was a preemie and needed that night time bottle for weight gain. I think being a softie while Annie is still so young is just fine. Crying it out is just the worst, isn’t it?

We didn’t start sleep training (i.e., crying it out) until our son was about 13 months old. I think we personally waited too long, though. It only took about two weeks of having to let him cry it out (and those crying spurts were long at first – 45 minutes – then got down to just 5 minutes by the end of those two weeks) and he was so much better. My only problem now is that I worry about him remembering us letting him cry it out, whereas at Annie’s young age of 5 months, she definitely won’t remember it.

Good luck either way you decide to go. Momma knows best, so I’m sure it will come naturally for you!

We never co-slept because Maya was a sleep by herself kind of baby and still is, she likes her space when she sleeps.

We did have to do some sleep training with her because she used to fall asleep nursing and that was fine, but when she stopped doing that she didn’t like to be rocked to sleep so we had no other choice but to let her cry it out. She was about 7 or 8 months old when we did that.

Letting your baby cry it out is HARD, I wanted to cave (and did) so many times. You have to do when you feel ready to tackle it.

LizL says:

We did the sleep training and it worked for us. Unfortunately, I don’t remember when we did it. Charlie slept in his crib since he was a week old. If you decide to try it, you and Mike have to be fully on board, and you have to stick with it. We only had to do it for one night.

Now Charlie’s 2 and we have it so he plays in his crib until we’re ready for him (at 2, I REALLY need that cup of coffee 1st.

Krista says:

I never co-slept (except the occasional sick baby/really tired mommy times), so I can’t help with transitioning to a crib.

I never let either of my littles cry it out, I firmly believe that they cry for a reason, and they should know that we will come when they need us.

I second the recommendation for the The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It gives you lots of suggestions about establishing a routine, and troubleshooting when the monkeys fight that routine.

Bottom line, it is a process, and it might take different approaches – do what feels right for you guys!

mama_k says:

you can’t spoil a baby – especially a four month old one! and you’ll also hear a resounding NO WAY from me for crying it out…i agree that it passes on a message to our wee ones that we are not to be depended on if they are in distress, and i’m just not comfortable with that.

i third the recommendation for ‘the no-cry sleep solution’. rather than a sleep training book, it’s just an informative book about sleep and offers suggestions for ALL types of sleeping situations – cosleeping, sleeping in a crib, etc.

yeah, this is one of those hard parenting decisions…we coslept for nearly five months and then stopped, as we were wondering if we were keeping our daughter up – turns out, we were. i think we had a harder time than our daughter did. in fact she slept better and longer when she was in her crib – but that is just our story. every baby is different.

love reading your blog and looking fwd to hearing more about this adventure.

Our baby slept with us until she was 2 months old and then I had to put her in her crib because I wasn’t sleeping well. She never cried for us and she wakes up once at night to nurse. She also sleeps on her tummy. We play a white noise CD all night pretty loudly too!

As a mom of four – who has done this differently each time, to varying degrees of success. I will tell you about child number 3.

We consulted with Kim West – AKA sleep lady. http://www.sleeplady.com/ we did it over the phone – we paid her for an individual consult to walk us through it – even though we had access to her book. This was in 2004. It was the best $500 we ever spent. To this day she is the best sleeper out of the 4 children…and without her, we would not have had baby number 4!!

Though I feel the need for full disclosure – at 4.5, “baby” number 4 finds his way into our bed EVERY night….but we never planned for a baby number 5…so why spend the $500 again- LOL

marilyn says:

My kids, now 12 and 8, never co slept. I was afraid of suffacating them and also, our two labs had already claimed the bed as they were here first. As a result, they were in their nursery ina crib from day 1. When they were really little I would go in and rock them and many times fall asleep with them in my arms. As they got older, I would let them cry for a bit after peeking they they were okay, changing wet diaper etc. They quickly got to be all night sleepers usually. good luck

When he was very young we let our son “work it out.” If he was just grunting and grumbling we left him alone. When he got older we’d let him cry for a bit, and then go in to settle him (modified Ferber). Magically, when he started on solids he began sleeping through the night. I’m pretty convinced our moderate success was dumb luck. Good luck!

Sarah says:

I was a big fan of sleep training. We did it at four months when I had been back to work for a month and fell asleep in the pumping room, with the pump on, for two hours! I was clearly beyond exhausted. It sucked and was hard to listen to Will cry for two hours straight in the middle of the night. But then he quieted down and slept, well, like a baby from then on. So it was worth it. And I have many friends who never did it and still battle with sleep issues. Sure, we still have the times that our three-year-old comes stumbling into our room in the middle of the night and crawls into bed with us. So nothing is ever foolproof or solid as these kiddos cycle through their endless changing phases. And it is also a very personal decision. But one I am really glad that we made. Good luck. Little Annie is just perfect!

Megan says:

Though I don’t have any kids yet, co sleeping scares the crap out of me..I am a funeral director and you would not believe how many babies die from co sleeping..The medical examiner usually puts “Undetermined (co sleeping)” as the cause of death..It just kills me to se that. When I have kids, I don’t know how I will handle the sleeping thing, but I hope I will remember to keep them in a crib or cot next to the bed. Good luck with the sleeping thing!

Christa says:

Bridget says:

Every baby is different, but our pediatrician told us we could let her cry it out at one month (assuming she was fed, burped, changed, etc.) and now she sleeps beautifully in her crib at night. Nap time is still a mixed bag – she goes to sleep pretty easily but sometimes wakes up after 30-45 minutes. Other times, she’ll sleep for 3 hours!

She is only three months old, so no rolling or teething yet. This will probably all change when those milestones hit!

I don’t know if this has been mentioned already because I haven’t read the comments but I just went through this with my daughter (now a worldly 9 months old). She likes to sleep with her face mashed into anything: the side of the crib, the mattress, her hand…Although it was a trying process, we just let her figure it out. She would get so angry, so upset, cry her cute little face off, but we just let her figure out that if she just lays her head down, she can sleep on her tummy too. We still use the 5, 10, 15 minute sleep training method…let her cry it out for those minute increments and it works for us. She has now graduated to standing up in her crib and eating the rails…the fun never ends! Good luck Heather—you can do this!!!

schoolofmom says:

Letting your baby cry it out doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby or are a bad parent. But I never felt comfortable letting my three fuss for longer than ten minutes or so. (We did the bassinet till they could sit up then moved them in bed with us… if we weren’t in bed yet they fell asleep in a playpen.) For the record, they’re now 11, 7, and 4 and they learned how to put themselves to sleep just fine, and sleep through the night too from 8 till 7; don’t let anybody scare you into thinking “she’ll never learn healthy sleep habits if you don’t let her cry it out!”

NewMom says:

AHHH it is so infuriating huh!? I am a big advocate of Ferber. Not necessarily strict CIO, but learning to properly sleep train. There are a couple of chapters in his book which talk about the importance of spacing out visits to Babe, as well as teaching them to self soothe. We implemented it when our son was 6.5 months old, but I have many friends who did it with their kids as young as 4 mos. Once we made the decision to do it (and by we, I mean I, my husband was not in support of it!) it took 3 nights for our little guy to sleep through the night. You know your babe best. It sounds like beautiful Annie is manipulating you guys! GOOD LUCK

Amanda says:

I don’t think she’s too young to sleep train. Obviously don’t let her cry for hours, but I would definitely let her cry for a while before you go in and I wouldn’t pick her up – just go in and let her know it’s okay and that you’re there. Give her a pacifier (if she takes one) and then leave the room again. If she keeps crying, wait a longer stretch before going back in. Eventually you’ll have to pick her up if she doesn’t stop crying but I wouldn’t bring her to your bed again because it’s sending a mixed message. Stay strong…although small and cute, those babies are smart and they can be conniving little things

If you want me to find the few blogs I have read where sleep training was used shoot me an email. the ones I have read that used the books as their base line had sleeping babies in 3 days and less. I do believe each used a night/day routine. No day sleeping in crib. Bath bottle pjs then crib and so on.
and on the other hand. I find that attachment parenting babies are the first to go forth and experiment with their environment and are more secure with who the are because of the connection between parent and kids. With Annie, she already feels secure enough to roll away, as you have been together from the start. With Moo, she wasn’t with you for several mos and was probably afraid if she blinked she might wake up alone. This may not be a different personality thing after all, this could be circumstance. HUGS!

Jennifer says:

I didn’t know this with my first child, but apparently at four months they are old enough to sleep through the night and therefore can be sleep-trained. I wish I had known this because my daughter was nine months old before she slept through the night.

The cry it out method worked for us, but only because she did SO well with it. The first night was HELL – it’s hard to just let your child cry and not comfort her. The second night she cried, but not as long. The third night, she was sleeping through the night. We were fortunate.

Good luck if you try it – you have to do what you think is in her best interest…but it does get more difficult the older they get!

Sheryl says:

Mindy says:

I did sleep training with my son at 8 months because we were in the habit of waking up to nurse around 3:00am. I did let him cry/scream it out and it was the BEST thing I ever did. He has slept through 10-12 hours every night (except when sick or teething). It was however, the HARDEST thing I ever did. Not easy… but worth it.

My daughter is 6 months and I keep thinking about the whole sleep training thing. The only thing is, that she goes down at 8pm and doesn’t wake to be nursed until 6:30am and then goes right back to bed until 8:30ish. So I am wondering how that will work. If I let her cry too much we might as well be getting up and then I would feed her anyways because it would be morning. We don’t get up until after 8am in this house (while I am on mat leave).

With the whole sleeping face down thing… I have the Angel Care monitor and I LOVE it. It makes me feel so much better. (It is the one that will sound the alarm if it does not detect movement (breathing). It is not for everyone, but it makes me feel better because I am a rule breaker and have bumper pads in the crib and a light blanket that my daughter loves to cover her face with. So it makes me feel safer to have the sensor pad on. It has gone off a few times as well and I know they can have false alarms if a child moves off the sensor pad etc. but I don’t think these were. She was sleeping away face up, no blanket around her so who knows. Either way, I sleep better with it so it’s worth it!

Angie says:

Well, Mindy we don’t know each other, but from the perspective of a mom with 4 kids…it sounds like your little one IS sleep trained! At least that’s what I consider sleeping through the night in my house!
My goal was always to get them to have a nightly bedtime between 7-8 and then not to wake until 6-7am. With my first, I would do as you are doing, and feed and let them sleep for another hour or two…but, with the second and beyond, we started our day with the 7am feeding, then followed the awake for 2hrs., sleep for 2 hrs. schedule…with the final stretch around supper having them be awake for about 3-4 hours…but it was worth it. Anyways, just thought I’d encourage you!

Mindy says:

I know I should be greatful for how well she is doing now. She had TERRIBLE colic for the first four months and wasn’t a very good sleeper until my husband decided to try and swaddle her at 7 weeks old (my son hated being swaddled so we never thought to try it with her). The first night he did this, she slept for 8 straight hours. In a short period of time she was sleeping straight through for 10-12 hours every night without waking up. UNTIL we went away for the Easter weekend (about 2 months later) and the four of us all slept in the same room together. My son (who usually sleeps through the night) and daughter kept waking each other up throughout the night for a total of 4 nights. Once we returned home, she never slept through the night again. So sad. But all things considered she does do really well. Thanks for reminding me of that!

maggie says:

I love this post because it hits home so much. With our first who is three now he slept with us from the first day home. I would hold him in the crook of my arm and sleep in the bed. He still sleeps with us a few nights a week and the others in his own bed sometimes all night sometimes not. I love the closeness of it. With our second, she slept with us some when she was a newborn, but it was hard with our son in the bed too. She didn’t seem to want the closeness like our son, so early on we moved her to the crib, which is in our bedroom. I still wanted her close. She has been a great sleeper, and we started putting her in her crib still awake and she puts herself to sleep, most nights without a peep. She has one of those glow worms (actually she has a seahorse) but i just turn that on when i lay her down and it plays for five minutes and then she is settled enough to just go to sleep. Whatever you do, she will be fine. If you try one thing and it doesn’t work try something different. Oh and about the sleeping on the stomache, my son has always from the day he was born slept on his. We also had an angel monitor, it has a pad you put under the crib mattress and it sounds an alarm if they don’t breath for more that 15 seconds. That may give you some reassurance.

The best thing I’ve seen (other than swaddling) to keep them on their backs is a sleep positioner – 2 little foam blocks on either side so that they can’t roll over. Our girls loved being swaddled, but our friends’ little boy used the blocks and they worked like a charm!

Jodie Brooks says:

I don’t think it’s too early to sleep train. You really just need to set a time that you would go and get her and then extend it as you got more comfortable. I would start out with letting her cry for 5 minutes and then go and get her. Now, if she is screaming bloody murder, I would totally go in and get her. It will be SOOOO hard, but you just have to do it. You’ll be amazed at how quick she will be able to self-sooth. We had an Angel Care Monitor (only sold at Babies-R-Us) and it helps with monitoring movement or lack of movement (right down to lack of heart beat). It would totally give you peace of mind in regards to the face down sleeping. I know it helped us feel more comfortable with our belly sleepers.

We never had any of our 4 boys sleep with us…ever! I never wanted to start it and I’m glad I didn’t. I think if you don’t break the habit soon then she’ll still be sleeping with you when she’s 10!! lol…

Katie says:

This is one of the most difficult parts of parenting a baby — the sleep issue. (Unless of course someone has a perfect sleeper from day 1 and then I don’t even want to hear about it!)

The good news is, you’ll figure it out. Sometimes you might feel like you’re failing or at the end of your rope, but ultimately it will work out. And then the next baby will come along and you’ll go through the angst all over again. A lot of what you’ll do will depend on her age, her health, her teeth, your health, etc. The cry it out method? I would only do that with a baby who’s a little older and healthy at that moment. And with Mike OUT OF THE HOUSE!! (seriously, when we Ferberized my first I sent my hubby away for two days. I was frazzled at the end of two days but baby was sleeping.)

Just remember, each baby, each family, even each night is different. Try not to beat yourself up.

Everyone has different opinions on this, I think you should do what you are comfortable with. Whenever you start sleep training, there will be crying involved. It is much easier if you do it before they say “Momma”.

My daughter is 6 months now and is sleeping 11-12 hours at night and has been for a couple months. If she happens to wake up I do let her cry for a minute or two to determine if she will put herself back to sleep, most of the time she does. I find that if I go in there too quickly she struggles more.

We did the same thing with my 2.5 year old son and he sleeps 12-13 hours every night.

ahh the sleep issue it’s such a hard topic. We are not co sleepers and have never been with any of our kids. I think it’s wonderful if that’s what you choose.

As far as crying or not. I am a fan of crying it out when they get older. Luckily my older son was always a good sleeper never had any problems. Then my youngest son would always wake in the middle of the night to nurse until he was almost 1. So I eventually started letting him cry it out.

I think that at her age, she needs you for something when she crys even if its just to be held. The only time I did cryin it out is when they were older and sleeping through the night, but crying because they didn’t want to go to sleep. If they were feed, changed, and just crying because they knew I would come get them, then I let them cry. My kids never cried for long and after about a week, were good sleepers.

Fortunately, all my girls were good sleepers pretty early on. My first slept with us for the first 8 months or so, but I couldn’t seem to sleep like that with my other three. I had the hardest time with my second. She wouldn’t sleep well until she learned to roll to her tummy at 5 months. Once she was able to get on her belly, she was a great sleeper. It is different with each child, so it is hard to say what is best for Annie. From the pictures, it looks like her face is to the side, and with her arm there it would be hard for her to be flat on her face, so I don’t think you need to worry too much if she lays like that.

I just think it is important for a child to be able to go to sleep on their own and in their own bed by at least a year old. Otherwise, it will be a hard habit to break.

When my son was a newborn, the only way he would sleep was in our bed. At his 6 month appointment, his pedi warned us that if we didn’t initiate him now into sleeping on his own, it would be a tough battle. Within 2 nights (the first one was so stressful!), he was in a routine and was perfectly happy to sleep in his crib. I would do it again this way myself–recognizing, though, that every baby is different! You need to do what works for you, Mike and Annabel. I will say that my son (now almost 2 1/2) still LOVES his crib and is an awesome sleeper. Not sure how much of that is just his personality, though! Good luck!

Heather says:

We co-slept with our son until 10 months. At that point he could beat me up at night and I was no longer getting the sleep I needed to function. We did a progression move. Started him off in the co-sleeper across our bedroom. It took 2 nights for him to adjust, then a week later moved him to his room. Took 2 night of letting him cry it out. 1st night took 45 min and was really difficult. 2nd night only about 10 min and 3rd night nothing. We got in to a routine easily enough from that point forward. I would sit in his room after story time and rub his back for about 5 min and then leave. We didn’t have any problems until we moved into a different house right after he turned 2.

Every child and every parent is different. What may work for one may not work for another. Go with your gut on it. I just had to get my sleep because I wasn’t functioning well during the day so i stuck to my decision. I’m really glad I did, it turned out very well for us.

Now that my son is 3 1/2, he has lots of nightmares and is afraid of the dark. We are back to sleeping in the same room, but different beds. I enjoy it actually.

I am a HUGE wimp and we didn’t try to sleep train Catie until she was a year old when I was almost dead from exhaustion. The first night we let her cry it out, she cried for 30 minutes, and it was pure hell. The second night, she cried for 2 minutes, and every night after that, she didn’t cry at all. Which is when I sort of went “WTF? We should’ve done this AGES ago!!”

All that to say, I have no freaking idea what age you’re “supposed” to sleep train. But don’t let the rabid anti-CIO crowd freak you out. She’s your baby, you know her best. You’ll figure out something that works best for your family.

Dianne says:

I was too afraid to co-sleep when I would try it with my first child. In those too-few minutes that I should have been sleeping, I would lay there awake afraid that I would roll over and squish her. So, my kids have always been in their own space.

One thing that helped both was that I would put them in their crib with the mobile or crib music box going while they were in an awake/happy period. I would take them out after a bit (before they started getting upset). I think that they learned that the crib was not a scary place to be, but it was a friendly OK place even when they didn’t see us. Later, I started putting them in the crib when I knew that they should be getting tired and they would fall asleep for a nap while enjoying the mobile or music.

I loved my Tiny Love Symphony-In-Motion mobile because the Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven music lasted 15 mins and was quite realistic sounding – not tinny and irritating. Plus all of the movement of the various parts of the mobile really engaged my kids as they watched it.

So, there are different schools of thought on the sleep training but I started doing it with J around 2.5 months. I wouldn’t let him cry more than 15 minutes (which sounds so long, i know!) but my mom swears that at their age they can handle a little bit of crying, its good exercise. And she’s got 8 kids so I trust her judgement. If it’s more than 15 minutes, go pick her up, soothe her and then put her back down.

J was firmly sleeping in his crib like a champ by 3 months and sleeping 9-10 hours at a time. Now, he sleeps all night and then I bring him into my bed in the morning for snuggling. Good luck – I know it’s so hard!

Heather says:

Hi Heather,
This might be an unpopular opinion but I have never been a fan of co-sleeping and I don’t think that makes me a bad parent in any way. I love my son more than anything in the world but couldn’t get past the fear of smothering him in the middle of the night because both myself and my husband are deep sleepers. So we kept W. in a bassinette for 2 months and from there on in, he slept every night in his crib. We started to night sleep-train him at four months and he took to it quickly but he started rolling around at a very early age so we got something called a “sleep positioner” that you use to keep the baby on their back until they are old enough to roll back the other way. I know they sell them at Target so that might be an option. It gave us peace of mind, at least. W. slept through the night at just under 5 months but I did use the cry-it-out method for afternoon naps starting at 7 months. And yes, it was one of the hardest things that I’ve ever done since it is your natural instinct to pick them up and soothe them, but at the same time, it didn’t take long before he was napping for two hours in the morning and afternoon and now, at 2.5 years, he LOVES his sleep. But for us, the best thing that came out of crib-sleeping was the ability to self-soothe and I think that is a skill that will serve any child well as they get older.

Lisa_in_WI says:

Heather says:

Both my kids have slept in their own rooms since birth, with naps in the living room up until they outgrew the bassinet/swing. My son rolled over onto his stomach one night and screamed like crazy until we would turn him back over. We did this over… and over… and over again. Finally, we sweetly told him he was okay and could go to sleep like that, and after 45 minutes of pissed-off crying, he fell asleep and he liked it after that.

We never did full-blown CIO mostly because one too many times there was a fever or trapped gas or something going on. But we did have to do modified versions when each got into the habit of waking up two or three times a night. If we went in there, they learned to wake themselves up at the same time and not go back to sleep. One night of CIO was enough to “reset” them to sleeping all night, and they were much happier!

Please don’t let anyone think you are terrible or damaging Annie to let her cry for any length of time. They don’t form long-term memories at this age, and the secure attachment you’ve built up with her and continue throughout the day is going to hold… and she will be much happier being well-rested!

Colleen says:

OK, I haven’t read all of the comments, but I suspect I will be in the minority. I had a sister and brother in law who were co-sleepers and it was a bad scene when their daughter was 3 and they had to break the habit, really bad scene. My husband and I decided before our kids were born that they were going to sleep in their own rooms, always. When my daughter was Annie’s age, she began to wake up frequently for snacks. She had gone from sleeping 8 hours at a stretch to wanting to feed every two hours. I decided she needed sleep training. It took only one night, but she was trained! When she woke, I would check on her to make sure all was well, and then I lay her down without talking except to say, “good night.” I repeated this again and the next times I just yucked her back in with no comments. I kept it quiet. I am sorry to say she had to cry it out, and cry out out she did! She has always had strong opinions, which now, at 17, serves her well! But, she was an amazing sleeper after that, no issues. Even to this day she gets up early, never sleeps in late, and sleeps when she is tired.In fact, both of my kids are great sleepers. It isn’t cruel, it is a gift you give to her to make her feel secure. Good luck!

No, she isn’t too young for you to let her cry it out. I slept with my babies a few times…but I made sure not to make it a habit. I know it’s so great and who doesn’t love to be close to their little one? But I knew I didn’t even want to start it because I didn’t want my kids to think they could sleep with us. Not cool. I want my bed to be a place for me and my husband and that’s it. It will be good for Annie and mom and dad for her to be in her own bed now so she gets used to it! Good luck!

Jennifer says:

My husband and I were so clueless with our first son and when we moved and got a new pediatrician, at his 4 month visit the Dr. asked us how we put him to sleep. We rocked him and then when we would lay him down, a good portion of the time we would wake up as soon as he touched the mattress. The doctor gave us a method to use and we tried it that night and never looked back. Now we have another son that we sleep trained at 3 months and again, they are both winning sleepers and all of my friends are jealous.

The doctor told us to lay the baby down tired, but awake. Then leave… if the baby starts fussing, ignore it. If the baby cries, you go in, pick them up and comfort them and calm them back down and then lay them down again. Repeat. He said we may have to do it 15+ times, but it WILL work and it took us about 9 tries the first night and he got the point. Now he is 2.5 years old and he puts himself to sleep and has since he was 4 months old. My 1 year old is the same way, he puts himself to sleep and they take good naps and sleep through the night (with the exception of teething or being sick.)

My kids sleep sun down to sun up and my mother always tells me I’m the exception and not the rule, but I made their sleeping a priority and I stuck to it. My best friend cosleeps and loves it, but her kids are not good sleepers and it’s not unusual for her kids to be running around at 11pm at night while she’s on the phone with me. She still loves it though so it’s right for her, just do whatever is right for you.

I would not let her cry it out, that’s just too sad. She’s too young to understand what you want her to do and would just feel abandoned. Especially since she’s used to sleeping with you all night. I started sleep training my daughter at about 3 months and I used the Baby Whisperer method. It worked wonderfully and she was sleeping through the night by 4 months old. You can buy the book really cheap on Amazon and there’s also a free forum you can visit for more info (www.babywhispererforums.com). I think it’s something worth looking into before you resort to crying it out.

Susanne Bach says:

I am big believer if attachment parenting – even though our daughter slept in her crib from the day she came home. She spent the first 4 months in the NICU and came home on a monitor. It was easier to deal with the cables etc. when she was sleeping in her own crib. But other than that we were holding, rocking or carrying her as much as possible. I do not like the idea of letting them cry it out. We always waited 90 seconds to see whether she would stop crying – if not, we went to pick her up from her crib and rock her. She is now 3 1/2 and we still follow the same rules. When she wakes up at night, we wait a little and then we go into her room. She goes through phases where she will wake up twice a night and then she will sleep 10 hours straight for a few weeks. This is what worked for us – but every child every family is different. I hope you will find the best way for you guys.

Definitely get that white noise machine!! Sleep training is a touchy subject, and I think ultimately you have to do what works for you and what you feel is right. I didn’t have it in me to let my daughter cry herself to sleep. I used the methods in the No Cry Sleep Solution, mixed with a good dose of mommy’s intuition, and my daughter slept well most of the time. She still goes through phases and I do what I have to do. Sometimes that does include letting her sleep in bed with my husband and I
Good luck!!

krissy says:

I never did the co sleeping thing.. I couldnt hande the thought of having to break it.. so it was a habit I never got into. But I did nurse for the first year, and got up multiple times in the night to feed. @ 6 months old the pediatrician told me that my Mddie didnt need to be fed during the night anymore and I was ready for a full 8 hrs! SO… I did do the crying out technique. I wont lie, IT SUCKED! The first night, Maddie cried on and off for about 4 hrs… I would go and check on her if she was really wailing… but it was more of al lazy cry. The 2nd night. she only cried on and off for maybe an hour. 3rd night… uninterrupted 8hrs… oh baby… SO worth it!! Shes now 23 months old., and we never have a problem putting her down for naps or at night! (we put her down wide awake too! ) Oh and we do use a fan. Im due in Nov with #2… Im hoping this baby boy is as easy as his older sister. The crying out technique worked for me.. its hard to do and it isnt for everybody… but I so wanted that sleep!

My daughter is almost three, and sleeps very well in her own bed all night long. She goes in to sleep without complaint almost every night. Sound machines, and humidifiers work well for white noise too. Good luck!

Monica says:

We never started the cosleeping thing; sorry, can’t help you with that.

But, re: the face down sleeping. Question is, does she like sleeping face down because it’s more comfortable for her or is it because she wants her face/eyes covered? If they could only talk!

Our daughter (born 2/01/10) sleeps with her blankie (an Angel Dear frog blankie. The softest! The sweetest!) and will pull the blanket up over her face (this after she rubs her nose in it back and forth, back and forth), and if we remove it, she wakes up instantly when any light hits her face. She gets very p.o.’d that we’ve uncovered her. She’ll pull it back over her face. The blankets are lightweight so I don’t worry about her suffocating. Our other daughter did the same thing when she was that age.

Again, who really knows why they do what they do But if it’s an eye/face covering thing for Annabel, maybe she’d like something to cover up with?

elizabeth belt says:

for sleep training i would recommend reading healthy sleep habits happy baby. My pediatrician told me i could start sleep training my daughter at 12 weeks, seems a little young, but worked for my best friend at that age.

Mary says:

My daughter, now 19, slept with us for the first two years because I didn’t trust her crib – it was second hand and the rail would fall for no apparent reason. When I got pregnant with her brother, we began to transition her to a “big girl bed” and made a lot of fuss over it. Once she got used to sleeping in her big girl bed, she never really climbed in bed with us again.

My son, on the other hand, never liked sleeping with us, so his crib was in our room, close by my side of the bed (I don’t get why little babies are left to sleep all alone in big rooms – seems wrong). And he’s the child, now 17, who would have night terrors, nightmares and would crawl into bed with us.

All three of my kids were tummy sleepers despite my desperate attempts to get them to sleep on their backs or their sides. Though I don’t remember any of them actually sleeping on their face! I was scared and nervous about it. I talked to the pediatrician and they flat out said “We can’t tell you to put the kid to sleep on his/her tummy, but we *can* tell you that you and the baby need to sleep.” Basically they were saying, if it works go with it.

Oh the joys of kid sleep. It’s so way harder than I ever thought it was. I totally thought all those parents that warned me about the sleep issue when I was pregnant were exaggerating. They weren’t. It’s not just the lack of sleep that’s though it’s more the knowing the “right” thing to do. And after two kids (which doesn’t make me an expert I’m just slightly opinionated) I’d have to say each kid is different and the thing to do is what makes you and Mike and Annie happy.

I would totally suggest the book The Baby Whisperer. She’s got some super awesome suggestions on sleep training methods that are good for everyone. I love that she doesn’t lump all kids and families into one mold, but shares how each is different and suggests (not demands) options for all types. I didn’t have the book for our first but boy do I wish I had. I had it for our second and the changes in our sleeping routines was amazing!

I don’t have a baby…but my dad has 3 baby boys (my half brothers) that are all below the age of 4! And they let their youngest sleep in the bed with them and then the older 2 come for snuggles in the morning. However, I’ve always wondered about the parents’ love life. If you have a baby in bed with you until they’re 1-2 years old, how do you find time for intimacy and alone time? I know it’s tough to say now, but I think when I DO have kids some day that I will put them in a crib ASAP. There needs to be some separation so that they can learn to be by themselves. Just my two cents!

It is a thing you put under the baby’s mattress – if the baby stops moving/breathing, an alarm sounds. There is a regular baby monitor attached, too, so you can hear them.

I have never been a proponent of co-sleeping. It can be dangerous. And also, while it is comfy and wonderful to snuggle with your child, just try having a 9 year old that wants to be comfy and snuggle with you all night. We co-slept w my stepson when he was a baby because we lived in a one-bedroom apartment but once we moved into a two-bedroom, and then a house, he still wanted someone to sleep with him. He CAN sleep on his own, but he still prefers to sleep with one or both of us. Not that there is anything wrong or unhealthy about it – it can just get a little difficult sometimes.

So – when I have a baby, I am making a solid rule to start the baby in a crib asap. But then again, when I have that baby, all rules will probably go out the window. LOL. I just know that most people co-sleep because it is comforting to them, not because it is the best thing for the baby. I had a friend literally tell me that – that her child was asking to sleep in her own bed at the age of 4, but she won’t let her because SHE likes sleeping next to the kid.

If you can make it through a week, you’ll be fine. She’s not to young to get her to learn to sleep in her own bed if that’s what the two of you are comfortable with.

You’ll know when to go in and get her. You can tell the difference between the “pissed-off-not-getting-my-way” cry and the “freaking-out-pure-hysterics” cry. Obviously don’t let her get to that second one!

The whole idea of sleep and an infant is such a hard topic. Each of us has our idea of what should happen, we may not be sure if it is the best or not but in all honesty we need to do what is comfortable for each of us. My children never really enjoyed sleeping with us but I also didn’t do very well at letting them cry in the night. What you are comfortable with is the right way to do it. Good luck!

angie says:

THose pictures are so cute. Her little sleeping body makes my womb ache. Also those are the cutest crib sheets I have ever seen.
I have three kids and we generally did not let them cry until they were 6 months. Then again, two of my kids didn’t really sleep through the night until they were about 18 months old so what do I know. A lot depends on the child. I think the best advice is to use your mama instincts. If you feel it is time to get them to sleep then make a plan and stick to your plan. If you cave, you have to start all over again and they just learn that if they cry long enough you will eventually pick them up.
good luck

I have an 8 week old and although we have never co-slept she has been sleeping through the night in her crib since 5 weeks. We do let her cry and the first few times it was VERY hard but now she barely cries and I can deal with it because I know she is going to get such good sleep ALONE, in her bed. Some babies HAVE to cry themselves to sleep, just like I read before bed to let out energy, some babies do the same. The first few times I let her cry I would give her about 10 minutes (which seemed like a hour) and EVERY time within 10 minutes she would fall asleep. We do this every day at every nap time and she is taking 1.5 hour to 2 hour naps all day as well as sleeping at night. She no longer cries at her bed time. Anyway I am rambling GOOD LUCK!!

How about side carring the crib to your bed as a transitioning sort of thing? We coslept until 18 months, and I have to say i would”ve been too scared not to – I wanted DS ON me so that I knew right away if he needed me.

I suggest reading The No Cry Sleep Solution. If you want to borrow my copy I’ll send it to you. It helps kiddos to sleep in their beds or your bed without the cry it out technique.
I can’t do cry it out. I have read too many things about the psychological impacts of it and just can’t do it. But, I know that it works for a lot of people and their kids have yet to stand on a clock tower with an Uzi. So…
Let me know if you want the book. Otherwise my best advice is this; follow your gut. You are her Mom, you know what is best for her even when it doesn’t feel like it.
love you.

1) Slept in a pitch black room (blackout blinds!). It’s just like the womb and personally, I’m the same way. I like my bedroom like a cave!

2) Have a fan going in her room. We initially did this because of the study suggesting the fan can help reduce the incidence of SIDS.

3) Sleeps with a loop of “rain” going all night. I just used an iPod. There are SO many white noise/baby noise “cd”s on iTunes. This way we can take it wherever we go and most people have iPod speakers. We burned it to a cd and have it in a cd player at Grandma/Grandpas.

4) Sleep in a Grobag (sleep sack). I am paranoid about SIDS and loved the idea of a sleep sack. Madeleine is a crazy sleeper and there is no way she would be covered. There are different warmths so we just change it according to the season. The baby monitor tell us the temp in her room so we can adjust accordingly. I get a lot of flack b/c she can’t kick off her blankets but we’ve never had an issue.

4) We have an Angel Care monitor. It’s has been a lifesaver – it detects whether they are breathing and goes off if there is no movement for 20 seconds. Its really sensitive and I slept so much better knowing it was working. My daughter was the same as Annie – sleeping on her face! The monitor gave me peace of mind. Her paediatrician told us to put her to sleep on her back but if she rolls, then she’s okay.

5) A pacifier. We have 7 in the crib so she can always find one.

6) A lovey. We introduced a little blankie at 6 months. I wish I’d done it earlier. Madeleine loved it. When we first got it, I wore it in my shirt for 2 days. Then I gave it to Madeleine – she loved it right away. Now I have 3 or 4 that I rotate. It doesn’t need my scent anymore – she’s just happy to have it. We also keep a pacifier and blankie at Grandma’s too.

Madeleine slept in a bassinet beside our bed until she was 3 months old. At this point she moved around so much that we’d find her in the strangest positions and decided that she needed to move to her crib.

She seemed to transition okay from the bassinet to the crib. We did have to do some mild sleep training. I think that healthy sleep habits are a skill that we have to show them. Just like so many other things. I skimmed Elizabeth Pantley’s “No Cry Sleep Solution” and used bits and pieces from it. I also like Dr Sears and used bits/pieces from him too.

We always did the same routine – bath, story, rocking chair and then I’d put her down drowsy but still awake. Initially she’d cry a bit, I’d go in after 2 minutes give a kiss, a pat and say “night night”. And then repeat for another 2 minute cycle. I think the most we did this was for 15 minutes. She never got hysterical. If she ever woke up hysterical, I’d pick her up right away. I soon figured out the difference between her cries and when she was just working stuff out. She was breastfed (until she self weaned at 10 months) and I could tell the difference between the hungry cry and the not hungry cry.It took about a week or so for her to get herself to sleep. The same rules applied if she woke at night – pat on the back, “night night”. She slept thorough the night right around 10 months.

I kept nap-times super consistent too. I don’t let her ‘nap on the go’. Some people have told me I’m chained to her (now just) pm nap. I like it! I know that I have those 2-3 hours in the afternoon where I can get stuff done and she can nap. I know that she’s getting the best quality sleep possible and she wakes up so refreshed and happy.

Madeleine is now almost. She sleeps 12-13 hours at night and a 2-3 hour pm nap. She LOVES going to bed. She is so happy to nap/go to sleep. We always tried to make it a special time (we’d talk it up – “oooh you get to snuggle up in your bed, with your soother and your blankie”). We put her to bed fully awake and she falls asleep. Not a peep from her. She always wakes up happy (“Morning Mama!!!”).

Whatever you decide, you need to be happy with your decision. You know Annie better than anyone. I’m sure you’ll do just fine! But it’s always nice to have a pool of answers to read over!

Trisha Vargas says:

Our 21 month old still manages to sleep with us for a small portion of the night. She dozes off to sleep in our bed with us, I move her to her crib which is in our room due to no bedroom for her and she manages to stay there most nights all through the night.
If she has a bad night with teething or wakes with a belly ache or something, I tuck her back in right there next to me & the hubby.

On the weekend we nap together in our bed for about 3 hours straight! It is heaven and she is my little snuggle bunny.

I have 3 other daughters all in their teens and each one was different from Dannica.
Kaley, my oldest, loved sleeping with me. Ashley my next to oldest wanted her space in her crib and demanded to sleep only in a onesie most nights, She hated pj’s. I think she got to hot in the and Dannica is similar in that she hates blankets.

I don’t think there is a right answer. I really think a lot depends on the child and their growing personalities.

You will figure it out. I will say adamantly that I do not agree with the cry it out method. They need us so much that I wanted them to always feel I would be there, so I never lasted more than about 30 seconds with that.

We have been blessed with 4 kids who are remarkably good sleepers, and they’ve always been that way for the most part, save the teething/night terrors/sickness spurts. I can honestly say I never ‘sleep trained’ any of them. BUT that said, babies are creatures of habit: they learn to like/expect what’s ‘normal’ for them, and will push back on anything that doesn’t fall into that category. My first 3 are very independent sleepers, and slept exclusively in their cribs (through the night from 7:30-7 with a ‘top-off’ feeding b/4 I went to bed around 10pmish) from about 6-8 weeks. I kept their cribs in our room until they were almost 5 months old, then moved them to their rooms and their ‘big crib’ (which they always napped in during the day.)
My youngest is very snuggly, but also must be in a crib to sleep – she plays on any bed that’s not a crib, so crib it must be.
With all of them, we get them ready for bed, read a story, say prayers, kisses/cuddles then off to bed. They fall asleep on their own, always have. That is their habit, so I never had the need to change it.
I always felt like if I started the ‘coming into our bed’ thing it would be soooo hard to break the habit, and being the lazy creature I am, didn’t want that struggle, so kept to their habit. We have plenty of snuggly/close times during the day, and my older 3 (4,6,8) are very well-adjusted, loving children, so I’m not worried about adjustment issues.
It is hard, but go with what YOU believe to be right for you family.

This is tough! My two kids are like night and day. My oldest is 4 and when she was about 6 months old she started sleeping with me while hubby was working nights. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but she wasn’t sleeping through the night and I was exhausted and still working during the day, and I just needed some sleep! And funny, I laid her next to me, and she’d sleep all night! Crazy! So that’s where she stayed. I tried breaking her of the habit several times over the next two years – pick a method, we tried it. Nothing really worked. Finally, we got to a point over the last year or so where she’ll go to sleep in her own bed just fine! But she ALWAYS wakes up and comes into our bed. She has figured out that if she’s quiet and doesn’t wake anybody, she’ll be able to stay all night, haha. Every once in awhile she’ll make it through the entire night by herself in her bed, and on those mornings we have a big party to show her how proud we are! Now that she’s in school, she goes to bed so much easier (since she gets up earlier), and I know that as time goes on she’ll spend more time in her bed. I do enjoy the cuddles when I can get them.

Our son, on the other hand, is just over two, and really likes his own space! He has ALWAYS gone to sleep on his own, so easily. He 95% of the time sleeps through the night in his crib. (thankfully still hasn’t tried to climb out of the crib! he’s a ball of energy, so we’ll see how this all goes out the window when he gets a big boy bed, haha) If he does wake up in the middle of the night, I’ll change him and usually he’ll come lay with me. He doesn’t like falling back asleep alone. So for the very few times that he wakes up, I’m completely content with him coming to lay with me. I like his cuddles, too.

I think a lot of this is trial and error. Read through some of the suggestions the other readers made, and see what feels best for you. Not one specific thing worked for us. We modified to get what felt right, and how we all benefited from it. I still think my girl would feel better if she slept longer but ya know what, nothing was working, and this is the best we have come up with. A lot less whining and crying, and she does wake up happier. When she sleeps completely through the night, even happier! We’ll get there.

I think our daughters may actually be twins! We just started to put Isabella to sleep in her crib last night after co-sleeping/ tossing and turning/ facedown sleeping and not rolling/ and no napping. Fortunately, or maybe not so fortunately, she is a really loud breather so I can hear her through the monitor. After 7 and a half hours of uniterrupted sleep last night, I love her crib. It is magical! But I can’t let her cry it out, so as soon as she fusses I go get her and bring her to bed with us.

In my humble opinion, she’s definitely not to little for sleep training. We started as soon as our daughter exhibited signs of sleeping through the night. Which Annie totally does. We have a video monitor and that way, I can see if she’s really in distress. Plus, at that age, I would imagine you can start to tell her bratty cries, and her real, “I need you Mama” cries.

B/c our daughter is sleep trained, she’s sleep anywhere and does great sleeping by herself. Sometimes we still have an off night, but she really doesn’t even cry now to be bratty b/c she knows it’s futile. So, when she’s crying, I can pretty much know something’s really wrong, and that’s helpful too.

And about the face down sleeping – If she can lift her head and turn from at least side to side, she should be able to self-regulate if she doesn’t have enough air. I used to try to move my little girl when she would sleep like this, and that would only disturb her, and I found that she did great just turning over when she needed to.

I hope this is helpful – I know you’ve gotten a bunch of comments and I may be just repeating since I didn’t read them all. Annie is a doll!!!!

Laurie SL says:

You’re doing great, Heather & Mike! My daughter is the same way. I LOVED to co-sleep with her but she moved around so much around 3 months that it wasn’t safe in the bed for her anymore. We sleep trained her starting at 6 months using the cry it out method. Another similarity: My dauther also only takes 45 minute naps, max, at home. Although she sleeps 1-2 hours at daycare, gah! You’re not alone

Every baby is different and so is every parent! So find a method that you’re comfortable with! I wouldn’t try the cry it out method if Annabel is having teething pain though. Maybe I read it or maybe it’s my personal feeling, but I would only use this method when my child is healthy (not sick).

About her sleeping face down, you might want to ask your pediatrician about what s/he thinks. There’s also a baby movement monitor that you attach to your crib mattress (I think) that will alert you (and/or baby) when baby stops moving, i.e. breathing after a set amount of time, usually 20 seconds. Hope that helps some!

Amanda says:

Drew slept with a sleep positioner from the time he was born until he was about 4 or 5 months old. It had been put away for a few weeks when he figured out how to go from his back to his tummy but not get back over like Annie so I pulled it back out for another few weeks. Some people think the video monitors are creepy but I love to be able to see what he’s doing without barging into his room.

Jelena says:

Our son slept with us for about a year and a few months, we only stopped because he started wanting to go to his own room to sleep so we let him. Now he’s almost 2 and sleeps in his toddler bed alone, but he does come in our room in the middle of the night sometimes when there are storms. You can never spoil a baby. They will move on to their own bed when they’re ready!

Kim says:

We co-slept with both our boys out of sheer exhaustion! Neither were good sleepers until they came into our bed then we all got a good night’s sleep almost every night. Both were squirmers so we just learned to deal with it. They were both back in their own beds by about the 1 year mark without much of a hassle. Now they are 6 & 8, sleep great in their own rooms and I so miss the days of snuggling with them in the middle of the night.

Wende says:

You’re going to hear fifty thousand pieces of advice. So I won’t offer any. I’ll just assure you that you WILL figure it out and tell you what I did.

My son slept in a bassinet next to us from birth. Occasionally he would end up in bed with us. It wasn’t good for anyone – EVERYONE would be cranky the next morning from lack of sleep. He would sling elbows, kick, etc. So I started working with him on sleeping in his crib.

The first week, he would scream and cry and scream and cry. I would go to him, comfort him, encourage him to lie down. Go out, wait 6 or 8 minutes, then come back and do the same. Repeated this pattern for several nights, over and over. It didn’t work for him. He was visibly very upset at being by himself and distraught and I just wasn’t going to do that to him. So I simply started laying down by his bed and holding his hand. Every night until he went to sleep. After about a month of this (yes, my back was killing me after a month of this), I moved to just laying beside him without holding his hand. After a few weeks of this, I moved to just lying sprawled on his floor, away from his crib. Eventually, he would just lie down and go to sleep, thinking I was lying beside him. Then, I started putting him down and kissing him, and showing him that I was leaving but that I’d be back to check on him. And I’d come back to check on him like I promised. This took probably three months from beginning to end. I thought he would never get good sleep skills.. but he finally did. He would start laying down on his own and going to sleep, knowing that I’d be back to check on him. By the time he was 2, he was sleeping through the night every night for 11 hours.

My daughter was different. She wanted nothing to do with the crib, nope. Not having it. So SHE would scream and cry, scream and cry.. but I could tell her cry was just that she was pissed, LoL. She wasn’t upset, she knew I would be back and wasn’t gone – she just wanted out of the crib! So I worked with her the same way I had started with him – leaving a few minutes, coming back and comforting her, leaving a few minutes, coming back and comforting her.. and this worked with her in only about 3 weeks. But it was a LONG 3 weeks because she was very stubborn and extremely LOUD, LoL. She eventually figured out night time was for sleeping, we weren’t going to get her out of her bed just because she was mad, and that we would always come check on her. She started sleeping through the night at about 2 1/2.

My two points are – make sure you know what the crying means. Is she really upset? Just mad? And deal with it accordingly. And whatever you try, at least give it a week and be consistent so you can really see if it’s working for you or not. Trying four different things in one week is confusing for the kiddo, and doesn’t give you time to see if anything is really working, you know? Good luck!

Those Arm’s Reach co-sleepers are a nice way to keep co-sleeping going without having her IN your bed (therefore much more like a crib, right next to your bed. They’re pricey, but you can get really good deals off craigslist.

Melissa says:

What I tell the parents I work with (I’m an Infant Development Specialist working in the Early Start program) and what I did with both of my kids (now ages 5 and 2) is starting at around 5 or 6 months I became diligent about putting them to bed awake, sleepy but definitely awake. They did not like this at first and would cry/scream their heads off. I would go back in after 5 minutes and tell them I loved them and pat their backs and leave again (being in their no longer than 60 sec and NOT picking them up). Then I would give it 10 minutes, and go back in and pat their backs and tell them I love them, then I’d wait 15 and so on. I never had to back in after the 3rd time because they would fall asleep. It’s much easier to do it this way because if you let them fall asleep in your arms and transfer them, when they wake up they wonder where you went. Also it’s easier to deal with the crying at 8pm when you are still awake rather than 1am when it sounds louder and worse. From the first night I did this they would either not wake up and cry at all, or wake and whine a little and that was it. By the 3rd night with both kids they were sleeping through the night. I promise this method works! Once the parents I work with are ready to do it they thank me for it the next week I’m at their house. Good luck, you deserve a good night’s sleep!!!

Allison says:

No time to read all of the comments so sorry this is probably a repeat!

Sleep training begins from birth – but I think cry it out sleep training is better left until they are 6 or 7 months old. For me anyway. That seemed like the age when cry it out actually worked. Before that it just seemed mean to me.

Personally I can’t sleep with a baby in my bed, so we never did that. So I don’t have much to offer on weaning from that. But I think switching to the crib now is a good move if she moves a lot, etc.

My fav. book was Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Modified cry it out for me. I have 3 kids and each is different though. One slept through the night on her own and I never even had to do cry it out.

Kymmi says:

Aside from feeding, this is the topic that leaves me feeling the most anxiety. It seems the “mommy wars” are all around “breastfeeding vs bottle feeding” “co-sleeping vs sleep training” and “stay at home vs work outside the home”. That said here’s my experience for what it is worth (nothing).

We didn’t plan on co-sleeping, but found that our daughter didn’t sleep well on her own. We brought her in bed with us when she was a newborn, and by the time she turned 5 months old I couldn’t handle the flopping and kicking. I was getting no sleep. Even though I was nursing, I got more sleep in another room and then getting up to feed her. The problem was the crying every two to three hours, I couldn’t take it. I had gone back to work (ding! minus 5 points!) and was getting somewhere close to 4 hours of sleep a night. At her 5 month checkup our pediatrician said it was time to get her into sleep training.

I didn’t think I was going to make it, I’ll be honest. The first night was the most painful night of my life. But she was sleeping through the night after 3 nights, and the only time there were issues happened when she got off her schedule.

I don’t know what to tell you about sleep training and all that, but I can tell you one thing. My daughter slept in a swaddle (aka straight jacket) until about 6 months, then we just took it off and she slept great. I always would cover her with a light blanket b/c it was winter and cold in her room and never fail…every morning, she had wiggled down until the blanket was covering her face. Now, at 17 months, she literally wraps her blanket around her head when she sleeps. I don’t know if this is of any help, but it makes me feel comfortable enough that she has slept with a blanket on her face pretty much since she was 8 weeks old and is OK. And she sleeps like a champ too…minimum 12 hours at night:) Good luck!

Mandy H says:

Annie’s due date and my son Charlie had the same due date – 2/14! Charlie was born on 2/4 and is now sleeping on his tummy and scooting around the crib. If you want her to sleep in her crib, you can try a mesh bumper – it pads their little precious heads but is breathable. And all the advice about soothing sounds is right on – a fan will do the trick too. I swaddled Charlie from the beginning, and he’s fighting that now, so I’m doing a lot of rocking and patting and ssshhhing.

We co-slept with our first, but we didn’t start until she was 14 months (we moved and decided her bed was the devil). I loved it. It took a lot of getting use to though. My 4 month old sleeps in her crib and since she too is teething, so she sleeps like crap. I dusted off the sound machine and have it ready to use tonight. Hopefully it works.

Amy says:

You’re going to get a lot of opinions on this post, Heather. I’ll just say this — you should do whatever gives your whole family the most sleep. And you should go get your baby whenever you heart tells you to get her, as long as it isn’t making you suffer from sleep deprivation. She won’t be crying for you in the middle of night when she’s 15 …

Jane says:

Thanks so much for your blog and your honesty. Your sharing with us makes life safer for me when my own life has its pains and sorrows.

Now the sleep thing…it is so hard and individual, but here is my two cents (I think you were asking for advice when you asked if she was too little to sleep train?)

A lot of good ideas have already been shared, ideas that helped us: sound machine: essential for helping their little brains soothe down. Also, (I am a psychotherapist, so I am a little sensitive about infants and the whole attachment thing without being crazy myself as a momma) I think that at Annabel’s age, she is still too little to sleep train, but allowing her to fuss a bit in order to see if she can learn over time to soothe herself back to sleep is probably smart. We ‘trained’ our oldest at 10 months, once he was done with night feedings. we told him during our bedtime ritual what we would do, and gave him 7 nights notice: in 6 nights, we are going to let you go to sleep on your own in your crib, in 5 nights, in 4 nights, etc. We really prepared him and it went very smoothly. It also let him learn that he has control over his ability to fall asleep, so even now at 3.5 he can tell us when he needs a nap (which he gave up 8 months ago.)

As for the face sleeping, ask your doctor and have your room have a fan for the SIDS-prevention tool of circulating air. If she is strong and not overheated (and sleepy) she will lift her head up. Some kids jsut sleep that way, although as a mom I am terrified and want to control that. you don’t have a bumper and stuff in her crib, so I would ask your doctor.

The other thing is to give her a lovey blankie now and have her hold it when she eats (or have it near her) so when she is in her crib, that little scrap of fabric can become her comfort when she is restless.

I could never do the co-sleeping because I am such a bad sleeper, any movement or distraction keeps me up.

I was never one to be able to let them just cry it out. I always got them up, changed them, gave them a bottle until they were back asleep, then put them back to bed. They sleep better when their tummy is full and for some babies 8 hours at night is just too long to go without eating.

okay, I don’t have time to read thru all the comments, but I’m sure some will be similar to what I have to say, but .. here goes. They are never to learn to “sleep train”. I’m all for co-sleeping if that’s what works for your family. In our house, we never did the co-sleeping on any kind of permanent basis. We did here and there when the kids are sick or we were just at our wits end from being sleep deprived and that’s the only thing that worked.
When my son was 2 or 3 months old we began the “cry it out” method. He’d been in his crib since about 3 weeks (he was a noisy sleeper). But we would always rock him to sleep. I began by rocking him not to the point of being sound asleep, but just before that point. Then put him in his crib. If he cried, I just let him CIO. It was heart wrenching. As the nights progressed I would rock him less and less. Eventually I would put him down wide awake – yet sleepy after our night time routine – and he would fall asleep without a fuss. To this day he’s a rock star at going to bed. He’s 6.
Our daughter…. she was a different story and I gave in too easy with her. She got rocked to sleep every night. She’s 3 1/2, still crawls into bed with us occasionally and takes about an hour to fall asleep. I wish I’d done better with her.
Good luck. I tell all my new-parent friends that CIO is the best thing they’ll ever hate to do.

I know you already have 100 different points of view, so here’s my experience (with my whole 1 child :-P).

Paige HATED sleeping alone and wouldn’t even tolerate her bassinet. At about a month in (with no sleep), we bought a co-sleeper. Not one you put in the bed, but one that’s kind of like a bassinet beside your bed. It was a life-saver for us. Paige could fall asleep after eating and I could just transfer her to her bed, but she was still close enough that I could put my arm around her to comfort her. We did this for about 5 or 6 months and then moved her to her crib (when she was rolling over and starting to sit).

The first night was a little rough, but she’s a champion sleeper now. She’s been sleeping over 12 hours a night since she moved to her crib.

I did this with NO one supporting me (my mom insisted that she needed to be in her own room at a month), but now they are all 100% with me on what I want to do. Funny how that works out, huh?

I sincerely hope that you find what works for you and if you still want to co-sleep, try out an Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper (Like $150 at Babies R Us or you can probably find one cheaper on Craigslist). You can even get one the size of a pack ‘n play so it lasts longer.

I should also say that I recommend white noise and a fan. Paige just doesn’t sleep as well in a quiet room, so maybe Annie just needs a little noise to help comfort her.

Tammy says:

Aren’t you glad that you let Maddie sleep with you. What great memories.

My kids have never followed patterns that the “mom’s who know” recommend. I’m going to tell you about my kids even though I might get bashed for it….I’m 50, they’re (mostly) grown, so I can take it.

My kids went to bed in their cribs as babies. My first one cried and was fed once per night until he was 9 months old. Then I decided to see what would happen if I let him cry. The crying lasted for an eternity (45 minutes) then he went to sleep. He never woke up after that.

When he was 2 and had a “big boy bed”, he would come and get in our bed when/ if he woke up. I always let him and I loved it. He stopped doing that about the time my second one got her “big girl bed” and she started. The timing was amazing. We never had all 4 in the bed at the same time and they just outgrew it. I was sad when they did because I loved being able to kiss their sweet, warm cheeks.

So, I guess my advice is to follow Annabelle’s lead. I’d want to cuddle that little girl as much as she could stand it. I know you do too!

Being a Mommy and now a Grammy it seems like our babies by 6 weeks always went into their cribs using monitors. I never let them cry but would not bring them into our bed either. The rocking chairs sat in their rooms until they were 3 and 4 years old and those little babies were always soothed into sleep and attended to in the mornings immediately after hearing little cries of “Im up” like hey get in here. Worked well for me because sorry to say I’m not a share the bed type of person, to light of a sleeper. Good luck in whatever you decide!

I have no motherly advice. But I had to comment on those PJs. The bottoms are too adorable and the bullseye sheets are a riot. Good Luck I am sure you guys will figure it out and she will be loving her crib soon.

Like others have said, I can’t possibly give advice because my SEVEN year old and three year old are both in my bed with me. My poor husband has been evicted to the couch. He snores, though, so I’m not exactly sad to be in a different room.
The pictures of a sleeping Annie are just so precious.

Hey so I don’t have kids yet or anything but my sister in law is sleep training her 5 month old right now, and my mom has given her lots of little pieces of advice. My mom always let my sister and I scream. Even when my sister would scream for 2 hours straight. I think it really depends on the baby though, some know just how to pull strings

Sabrina says:

Good Night Sleep Tight by Kim West is a GREAT book – she breaks it down by age ranges, so you can easily flip to what age you are working with. I got her book when my oldest was around 6 months old and it worked wonders for her napping and night time sleeping (our sleeping situation with her was very similar to what you guys are doing with Annie). She breaks everything down so it’s a super quick read and easy to implement. Good luck!

Cameron says:

Sleep training is totally nuts, in my opinion. As the child develops neurologically and emotionally, she will be better able to regulate herself. She doesn’t need you to train her. When she cries, especially in the first year, it’s for a reason. Responding to her cries for food, diaper changes, discomfort, illness, and reassurance assist her in feeling cared for and secure in her life in general. She will fall asleep more peacefully and sleep through the night when she is ready and feels that she is going to be safe and cared for.

Tanya Jansen says:

Hi Heather,
I read your blog quite a bit and thought I could dispense some of my experience. My son is now 16 and he sleep with us until he was 8. He broke himself of sleeping with us. Even now when my husband works night shift, he will crawl into bed with Mom and watch TV and we usually end up falling asleep. My husband will go sleep in our sons bed when he gets home. I’ve found Dad and son crashed like that too on a Monday Night Football game. We never tried to let him cry it out. Mostly because we just couldn’t do it and felt like the worst parents in the world for going in and getting him and then like we failed as parents, when our friends were telling us, ‘thats what you need to do’. Some folks think it’s weird and kids should sleep in the own space. But there is NOTHING like having your child fall asleep with you. I guess I’m lucky that at 16 he still will even watch TV with me I really enjoy your Blog. Thank you for sharing your family. Tanya

melinda says:

if hearing her cry doesn’t feel good to you, then don’t let her cry. there’s no rule saying you HAVE to let her cry. she’s a baby. pick her up if that’s what your instinct is telling you to do! different moms feel different ways about this, and unless you feel really, really strongly that she sleep in her crib, then you don’t have to let her cry just so she stays in her crib. you’re not sleeping well with her in your bed, and you’re probably not going to sleep well if she is crying in her crib, right?

what about borrowing a co-sleeper from a friend or using a playpen next to your bed? you can keep an eye on her more easily. and then she can move back into your bed after she figures out rolling over the other way!

another option if you want to keep her in your bed is for you and mike to each use a separate sheet/blanket instead of the same one. it’s not fun trying to figure out how to cover yourselves up but not annie when annie is in the middle. we use two twin sheets/smaller blankets and the kiddo fits nicely between us without any chance of blankets getting in the way!

Sandra says:

My 34 weeker was a crappy sleeper. We had no idea what half her fussiness meant. Acid reflux? Tired? Hungry? The hospital set her on an every 4 hour feeding schedule which for the most part worked. But sleeping was a whole other story. At 1.5 months I kicked my husband out of our bed so I could sleep with her on a big bed. The couch didn’t work. And I wasn’t going to risk both of us sleeping with her. He didn’t mind. He said he’d sleep outside on the grass if it meant he could SLEEP.
At 4 months someone recommended a book to me. “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth”. OMG this book changed my life. My daughter took to this new schedule like it was exactly what she always needed. I didn’t follow all the advice in the book, like when it came to CIO. I did some CIO but not as long as the book recommended. Paula napped in her crib but at night she slept with me until about 11 months old.

My 2nd child was a normal (non-preemie) child. I co-slept with her only for 6 months because she was a restless sleeper and would wake me up too much. She did great on the nap schedule from the above book. I called myself a nap Nazi. Nap time made my day better. The kids were less cranky, and therefore I was less cranky. When the Mama is happy, everyone is happy!

Nancy says:

I only read a few comments, but a lot have said it.. do what you’re comfortable with. We liked the idea of having our little man sleep through the night, but the thought of crying it out did not sit well with either of us at all so we didn’t. He slept in his bassinet till about 10 weeks old, then his own bed till 4-5 months old on/off. Turns out, he was teething already. He actually got all his teeth, including molars in, by the time he was 13 months. I started working nights when he was 6 months old and he was having a lot of trouble not nursing and sleeping so eventually, him and my hubby became full time cosleepers and when I was off, I just went to bed with them. At around 14-15 months, we would start to get up before he did and leave him alone (with pillows all around) so he’d wake up alone. By 16 months, he was asleep in his own bed and sleeping through the night. At nearly 2 now, we still sit in the room with him until he sleeps, but we don’t need to be in the bed with him. He still loves to cuddle, but also does love his own space now.

MB says:

Ugh, we just went through this with our 11 month old who was still waking up 3 times a night to be comforted. Baby #2 is due this fall, so it had to, HAD TO stop. We let him cry, finally, because we were too exhausted to get up for a 3rd time that night to soothe him. It was awful, but when he finally fell asleep on his own, he slept for 6 hours straight. Unheard of for him. Light bulbs appeared over our heads, and the next night, we let him cry the first time he woke up. He fell asleep after 15 minutes that night (and slept through the night), 7 minutes the next, and 3 the night after that. He has slept through the night since then in his own crib. I wish we would have done it months ago, when our pediatrician first told us it was ok, right around 5 months. I know it’s hard, my husband had a harder time with it than I did. But we are so. much. happier. now. We used to DREAD night time, wondering how little sleep we would get and how we would function the next day. Next baby: we will start letting him cry it out as soon as his doctor tells us he doesn’t need to nurse at night.

Also, we freaked out when our baby started rolling onto his tummy at night too, because we didn’t think he could roll back. We got an Angel Care baby monitor to monitor his movements. It has different sensitivity settings, but can be set so that an alarm goes off after 20 seconds of non-movement. I don’t know what the experts would say about that, whether it’s effective or just creates super paranoid, jumpy parents, but it made us feel better.

I know people have mixed feelings and opinions about babies and sleep. You’ll find a solution that works for you. Hang in there! xoxo

Krissa says:

You’ve gotten so many replies and I am sure that there are lots and lots of great ideas. I am an aunt and was a nanny when I was younger and I have never been able to let a baby cry for anything. Especially not if they were in bed ‘supposed’ to be sleeping. I know you’d have a real hard time just letting her cry and I honestly don’t think you need to do that, but I have limited experience. I think you and Mike are such great parents and should just trust your instincts. Whatever feels right is what you should do. This coming from someone who’s not a parent…so not sure it’s actually helpful. But yeah, if she cries, you shouldn’t feel like you ‘can’t’ / ‘shouldn’t’ pick her up or any reason. The sleeping on her face, I don’t know. Luckily, I bet you got good suggestions for that. … The photos are adorable!

I cannot say enough about the site sleepsense.net. I also recommend the books “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” and “The No-Cry Sleep Solution” for learning what’s normal at different ages. We did sleep training with our daughter at 7 months old – it was definitely challenging, but so worth it! The surprising benefit was the incredible closeness that came to our relationship through the sleep training – after spending so much time watching her so closely for tired/awake cues, I learned to read Gwen incredibly well. That bond has lasted and she is a GREAT sleeper now at two years old.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do – most important is that you have to feel comfortable with what you choose!

Crystal S says:

Read Dr. Sears’s Attachment Parenting book. Its full of GREAT info about babies, and their needs.
I would not recommend sleep training.
Our little man sleeps in his crib, next to our bed. When he fusses, I bring him in bed with us. And when he falls asleep, I put him back in his crib.
Crying it out is cruel. Your baby needs to know that if they need you, you are there.

I just want to add that while my son co-slept until he weaned, he was able to transition to his own bed post-weaning. He is now almost 3 and has been sleeping in his own bed for almost a year.

Co-sleeping is actually recommended by breastfeeding experts because (especially for moms who work) it has been found that babies who co-sleep take in more milk at night than those who do not. Because her feedings are scheduled during the work day, I do want her getting as much as possible whenever I am around.

Just because a baby co-sleeps, doesn’t mean he/she will always be in the parents’ bed, a common misconception. At the age of 2, my son was able to understand that he had to sleep in his own bed and it worked very well.

I feel for you!! Collin coslept for a SHORT time because I was so exhausted and breastfeeding…then he rolled off my chest and onto the floor and that was the end of that. He was moved to a bassinet next to the bed where he got his gloworm light treatment overnight (he was a jaundiced preemie) and I slept with my hand on his chest. As soon as he outgrew that, we tried cosleeping again and he was NOT having it. He cuddles and snuggles much like Annie, ON HIS OWN TERMS. Now he only wants to be in my bed when he’s teething/missing his deployed daddy/got an ear infection. Other than that? He want’s his bed, his blanket, and mama to leave him alone.

I have to laugh at how this is probably an indication to both of regarding our children’s personalities…STRON WILLED and independent for sure!!

My third is about six weeks older than Annie and she does all those same things! She loves to sleep with her face in the mattress and it freaks me out. She also does this weird thing where she prefers to roll only one direction, so when I eventually bring her in bed after her first wake up of the night, I feel like I have a log rolling next to me.

Anyway, I made my older two cry it out at 9 months and since we did it, they both (4 and 2) sleep all night in their own beds without incident. We’ll be CIO with the little one soon — she’s still waking three or four times a night to nurse and I am losing my mind.

Oh and once we did CIO, the naps improved as well. They went from napping 45 minutes to about 90 minutes at a stretch.

sara says:

I don’t know if someone said this already, but when I had my son start to sleep train what saved my sanity was a VIdeo monitor so I could acutally see if he was crying b.c he was protesting sleep or if he was hurt like his leg stuck or something. It really allayed my worries being able to watch him. Also, I didn’t feel comfortable sleep training until he was in more control of his body. I wish you the best. I know it’s hard.

Marti from Michigan says:

Hmmmmm not sure what to say about this situation. I never had any problems with my one and only, other than with teething or when she was sick.

I worked night shift and had family watch her for me then, but during the day, when she was little and I had to sleep, I pulled her into bed with me. Single mom here, no hubby to complain about that situation…. when she got older and was in school full time, then I had no problems sleeping in the daytime.

The back of Annie’s little head is so sweet, I just want to kiss her neck!

Sending warm thoughts your way that you will be able to work through this!

my baby is the same age as annie (born 2/9). we started babywise early on (with our 2 y/o also) and always put him in the crib. even if she doesn’t sleep well at first, keep doing it. consistency is key! now our almost 5 mo old is sleeping thru the night and has been since 9 weeks (with the exception of a 4 mo growth spurt) i feel crib is safest, but you have to be comfortable with it. the earlier you transition the better or you will have a 5 year old in your bed. whatever you do, be consistent. good luck! i absolutely love having my babies in their own room and they love it too!

Kristi says:

It’s not too early to start sleep training. BUT as you have already read, there are so many kinds of sleep training. Not all sleep training involves crying it out. I’ve read a few different books and researched online. My favorite method was from “The Baby Sleep Solution” by Suzy Giordano. This method worked well with my family’s schedule. That’s the key: the method has to fit you and your family’s needs.

I don’t like hearing my daughter cry. A little fussing is o.k. but just letting her go on and on doesn’t work for me. We followed Suzy’s method and it really works! The best part is that I have a great bedtime routine with my daughter now and she is able to put herself to sleep and usually sleep through the night (11 hours!) without waking. We still get our snuggling in before she goes into her crib (Storytime!). When she wakes in the night, she usually falls back asleep. If she’s crying, I go in and tuck her back in without picking her up and rub her back for a minute until she’s calm. Then, I leave while she falls back asleep. Sometimes, I do pick her up if it seems she’s really upset and inconsolable after a few minutes of rubbing her back. I try not to make it a habit though because I was automatically picking her and I realized that’s what she was crying for…she knew I’d come in and pick her up. At first, I felt bad for not going in and picking her right away until I thought about how much longer it took her to go back to sleep than it did if she stayed in her crib with a little back rubbing. I was so much better rested when she was able to put herself back to sleep and this translated to a better mommy during the day.

You really have to go with your heart and your family’s needs. Books can give great advice but don’t do anything that feels counter to your comfort level. You are a super smart, fantastic mommy and you have a great partner in Mike. I know you’ll both make the best choice for Annie.

Shalini says:

I’m not a Mom, but I thought I’d add something that I find is very interesting. Since the dawn of time, parents have been co-sleepers and people have turned out pretty okay as a result.

I’m of South Asian American (born in the US), and when I go to India, it’s quite lovely to see parents co-sleeping with their children. I do sometimes wonder how Mom and Dad get their “sexy times” on, but I’d imagine it must be lovely for the child to feel the security of sleeping next to both parents. How comfy.

As for sleep training, I think going with your instinct is the best thing. It’s there for a reason. =)

Heather, here’s the thing, and I think you already know this: Each kid is different. You may have to try several different ideas before you find something that works for Annie.

I am a firm believer in cry it out. It’s hard. It goes against the grain of motherhood to let your kid cry and do nothing. But, babies learn very early on that if they cry they get held, attention, etc. Ava started sleeping through the night at 3 weeks. She slept in a bassinet beside our bed for 3 months. We moved her to her crib at that point, and had no issues. She would often cry out in the night, but unless the cry sounded like she was in pain or it went on uncommonly long, we never go in to get her. It’s really important, IMHO for babies to be able to soothe themselves back to sleep.

There are so many definitions of cry it out. Is she just whimpering a little sort of saying “Can someone please come and get me”. Is she crying a bit sort of saying “Where are you people!” Or is she demanding “I NEED SOMEONE IN HERE NOW!!!”

The first scenario, I would let my kids go on for an embarrassing amount of time. The second, I would let them go on for at least 20 minutes. The third, I would go in after about 5 or 10 minutes.

MINE, would almost always calm down after about 20 minutes no matter what (There was the night with Isabella where it lasted for about 2 hours BUT!!, there is a really long story that goes with that SO, if you’re interested, contact me!)

It’s all about what works for YOU and Annie, not what works with the Cry it out vs the NEVER let your child cry it out crowd.

Becki says:

You are going to get a world of different opinions on this topic. Moms will judge you if you co-sleep. Moms will judge you if you cry it out. Moms just judge. It sucks, but it comes with the territory.

I can only tell you what worked for us. I slept trained both my babies from the very beginning. My oldest (4.5) slept 12 hours through the night by 12 weeks. My youngest (1.5) slept 14 hours through the night by 16 weeks. They both still sleep that long, and both still take naps.

Sure the week it took to sleep train them was awful, but you want to read something awful? Check out all the studies that link things like ADHD, learning diabilities, and behavior issues to poor sleep habits in babies. For me, teaching your child how to get the rest they need is one of the back breaking, not fun jobs of parenting (like shots and discipline), but it has to be done. If I had my way, my child would NEVER cry and always be cuddled, but sometimes you have to do what’s best for them in the long run, even though it causes you pain.

So, that’s my opinion, and everyone has one! You just have to decide what you want to do and stick with it, regardless of the eye-rolls, smack-talk, and general bad attitudes of those who disagree with you! (Rolling with those punches gets much easier the more kids you add on!)

Lisa says:

I also want to recommend what I call my “magic sleep book,” Marc Weissbluth’s Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I saw a huge change in my daughter’s temperament from fussy/whiny/irritable to happy ALL THE TIME. She literally went, at 5 months, from crying a fair amount during the day to NEVER crying unless she was hungry, tired, or hurt. It was astonishing. We’re following the book for my son, too, and it works like a charm. I have recommended the book to every friend who gets pregnant (only if they ask, though!), and every mom I know who has tried it has recommended it to her friends as well!

Also, I saw another commenter called his book “harsh” – I would not classify it that way. He provides guidance on how to sleep train whether you have your child in a crib or cosleeping in a cosleeper or in the family bed. He does not pass judgment on which is best – cosleeping or crib – but just presents the research and provides step-by-step instructions for how to help your child get better quality sleep. That’s what I like best about the book (other than the fact that it is magic and everything he says keeps turning out to be totally true) – it doesn’t push a parenting philosophy but just explains what works and why, and what your options are as a parent that you can use based on your own preexisting philosophy.

Angela says:

I would love to have sage advice for you. My daughter slept in bed probably from birth. Hubby left the bed when she turned 7 and just last December at THIRTEEN YEARS OLD, she finally left my bed and hubby returned.

If it were me, I’d keep her in the bed because well, because I’m paranoid. I hope whatever you choose works out for you guys.

Angela says:

George says:

I highly recommend The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It explains about sleep cycles, so you understand why they are waking or crying, and also has lots of great methods you can use.
It has gotten me through 6 kids so far, with no CIO.
I’m don’t do CIO. I want my kids to trust me, and trust that I will always come when they need me. Crying is the only way they can communicate.
And, I’ve seen the alterations in brain scans from CIO, it scares me, I don’t think we now enough about the long term effects.

I have always slept with my babies from birth. I have never rolled over on one of them, just the same as I never roll out of bed. I guess my mother instincts just keep me aware, even in my sleep, that my baby is there. I know it’s not for everyone, but I have nine kiddos and they all sleep in their own beds eventually. The face down thing I never worried about because I have always had big babies that could lift their heads when they needed to. A firm mattress is important, and of course no pillows around them. I know there are many moms who would never risk co-sleeping, but I believe that many studies show that SIDS more often than not happen when the baby is alone in its own crib or alone in a bed, not when lying next to its mother. Suffocation happens when excess pillows and beding cover the baby, and in the cases where a mother or father rolls over onto the baby, alcohol or drug use of some sort usually plays a factor. So that has never been a worry for me.

I have never been one to let my baby cry it out or do the sleep training thing. But I do think my personality comes into play with that. For some mothers, they really need their sleep or their quiet time at night, and I can totally see that. I think sleep training is wise for anyone who really needs their baby to sleep through the night and doesn’t want to co-sleep. For me, it never mattered much. They were in bed with me, and they just SLEPT through the night naturally because of that. They felt me, smelled me, heard me throughout the night and were naturally comforted by that and seldom woke up.

We all find what works for us… and that’s all I’m saying. Good luck with whatever route you choose

Julie says:

I did not have the heart to let my kids cry it out. My sister in law suggested the book Secrets of The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. I love it!!! I did it with all three of my children each very different in personality and moods and it worked with them all. You can just read the section on sleeping it is not that long. She really understands babies, which I clearly did not!

Jannette says:

Good luck in finding your way and choose what works best for your family. They are only little for a short time.

I have found that most parents who are successful with the CIO method usually will have a child that learns to accept change easily (i.e., it only took the family 3 days for the CIO method to work.) I tried the CIO method for three days and by the end of the 3 days I knew it was defnitely NOT a good thing for our family. My daughter cried (like someone cutting her throat)for 3 hours. She was very stubborn. On the 4th night, I put her in my bed and she slept through the night. At 2.5, she went into her own bed and has been there since. I still have deep scars from this and cringe whenever I see someone recommending the CIO method.

My second daughter sleeps through the night in her own crib and has no problem. I didn’t do anything special or different with her. I just think it is all about how they are wired.

Jewl says:

let her cry, seriously, its not cruel, its being a parent, your job is to raise a functioning adult, not soothe yourself because she cries. Crying does not hurt them, it teaches them independence. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a monster and I do have 2 kids experience (I love and snuggle them as much as I can, while they are awake) YOU DO NOT WANT A 7 YEAR OLD in bed with you. It just doesn’t work. Our kids slept in their beds/cribs from about day 1 and it has worked well, there are no arguments at bedtime. Believe me, those that are telling you to give up and don’t let her cry it out will have HUGE BEDTIME fights on their hands in about 4 years and they will be wishing they did differently. She knows you love her, you feed her, snuggle her, clothe her, kiss her, that is not the question, the question is who is the authority here and with kids you have to prove your authority VERY early on or you will regret it. Thanks for listening, good luck, she’s a doll and you guys are awesome parents, you’ll figure it out as you go along just like the rest of us

Shannon says:

Really? My daughter was a 30 week preemie and we co-slept because of the apnea monitor and oxygen tubes. She moved to her own bed when she was 8. She’s 19 now, always a good sleeper, never argued about bedtime or had problems with “authority” and is an independent, functioning adult Our 5 year old still sleeps in our bed and he will as long as he wants to. We don’t regret anything. So it DOES work for some of us.

Jewl says:

thats great, I shudder to think at the level of intimacy and privacy for your marriage however. Our bed is ours. That’s just what works for us. Children should not be involved in that relationship and that relationship is the most important in the house. Without mommy and daddy together is what becomes of the world today, shame really. thanks for reading however.

Well here’s the thing….maybe co-sleeping would not be good for your marriage, but my marriage has thrived on the practice. My husband and I have nine children. We’ve been married 18 years. We find the time and place for intimacy, obviously (hence the 9 kiddos!) Intimacy doesn’t always have to take place in our bed. Or at night, for that matter. My husband and I really, really, really — I can’t even stress that enough — really enjoy snuggling a baby together at night. For us, it’s a bonding thing not only with the child, but with each other. When I had my first baby, I did what my mother and mother-in-law told me to do, and put the baby in the bassinette alongside my bed. That baby didn’t sleep for more than two hours without waking. I never got rest. I was miserable. My husband kepts saying, “Just put the baby in bed with us” and I thought no…. we can’t do that. After one completely exhausting night, he finally just got that baby out of the bassinette himself and insisted we co-sleep. The baby slept for 5 hours straight next to us. I was shocked. It was wonderful. I felt rested. And I enjoyed the closeness so much. And I never went back. With all the rest of them, they slept with us at day 1. They go to their own beds by the time they are two. Never have had a problem with that.

So all I’m saying is that it might not be for everyone, but for some of us it works. And our marriages don’t have to suffer for it. Mine sure hasn’t

debi says:

It’s so funny that you posted that picture of Bert and Ernie…as I watched a DVR’d Sesame Street today, that exact scene was on! My daughter sleeps face down (much like Bert) and she is fine, although she is older than Annabelle! My kids have been in their cribs since they were two weeks old and they love their cribs! My son can get out of his and doesn’t because he loves it so much!

Molly says:

I have one daughter and I was not going to have a squirming baby in bed with me I needed all the sleep i could get!
What i did was nurse (bottle feed) her just before bed, take her to her crib and just coo a little and then give a kiss “good-night”. For the first couple of days she would wake, fuss and then SCREAM. I would give it about 10 to 15 minutes, go in and just shush her and pat her back but never, ever, pick her up. I would just keep on doing that every 10 or 15 minutes for…I believe only a couple of days and bingo! Done deal.
Good luck.

Tina says:

Sleep – that is such a hard one! My daughter is 2 1/2 and we didn’t co-sleep basically because she was such a NOISY sleeper as a baby. Lots of grunting and snorting! It kept me awake, so she went into her crib at 6 weeks. I am a pretty structured person so we kept (and still keep) a fairly tight schedule, but of course allowing flexibility for various situations. My opinion is that sleep training is the best thing we ever did. I know it is not for everyone, but my daughter did great with it. She learned to soothe herself to sleep and has always been a good sleeper. Even now, at 2 1/2, she will tell me that she wants her nap and at bedtime, she gets her blanket and goes to her room. Good luck! I know it is not easy. This has probably been mentioned already, but the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was really helpful!

Read “Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child” for some great tips. Every child is different but it really helped us. It also pointed out that sleep training is fine to start anytime after 4 months. I have no idea why 4 months is so important. Hope the sleeping gets better!

Sleep is hard–we co-slept with our first two–again, with them it was not intended. For my son it was an ear infection that started it, and I’m not sure what started it with my daughter. The both co-slept until I was VERY pregnant with the next child (about 4+ years). This also meant that hubby slept elsewhere most of the time. With my youngest, she was in a bassinet for a couple of weeks, but I was so big on co-sleeping that I brought her in bed with me. But at 7 months, I went out of town and hubby put her in her crib–she has been a crib/bed solo sleeper ever since. In fact, once at my parents house, since she had basically outgrown the pack-n-play, they didn’t bring it down from the attic in the garage. I figured she would sleep in the bed with me and we would be good to go–but NOPE–after hours of cajoling her, I finally went out to the garage at 2am and found the darn pack-n-play so that we could both get some sleep.

Now that she is 4, she is so much more into snuggling–my older two were always snugglers, but she wasn’t as much and I think it is because she was so used to being a solo sleeper. Now though, she gets up in the morning and comes to bed to snuggle.

As far as how long to leave her in the crib, I think it depends on how long she has been awake/crying and what time it is. If it is middle of the night I would let her cry a bit–but I always had a hard time with the whole cry it out thing–it just wasn’t for me. I wanted my kids to feel secure that mom and dad would be there for them, so I never let them cry much more than about five minutes–but that is just me.

connie says:

Some will say she is definitely not too young to train….ultimately it’s up to you and Mike. My children (3 total) All slept with me until 2 or 3 years old because #1 I had to work and couldn’t be up with them all night – it was the best way to make sure both baby and I got enough sleep. #2 I am a big softy and found it impossible to let them cry it out. The downside was teaching them to sleep on their own at 3. You’re the momma (and daddy) and there is no right or wrong as long as you and Annie are happy. Good luck – and enjoy! The nighttime snuggles (and early morning smiles) are some of my fondest memories.

Our son died of SIDS so the face down issue scares me. Our kids we had after slept in a bouncy seat next to our bed. Have you tried that? I think you could let her cry it out at her age, but try not to let her sleep on her tummy some how.
She is so beautiful!!!
Kelley

Personally, I think 5 months is too young for CIO. I’m not a CIO fan anyway. I tried a modified CIO with Nellie once (where you let them cry for 5 minutes, then go and comfort them but don’t pick them up. Then let them cry for ten minutes, go and comfort without picking up, then let them cry for 15 and if they don’t settle down then you pick them up) but I felt she was too young for it. Nellie’s been a crib sleeper since day one. Most of the time she goes down without a big fuss anymore but wakes up needing to be re-positioned, or re-pacied. I generally do not rush in there immediately like I used to; sometimes she will let out one cry and then will go right back to sleep. I wait until she’s been crying for about a minute before I go and see if she needs me/what she needs.

Alice says:

I say do whatever gets you all the most sleep, but accomplish that without crying it out. I’m sure you’ve gotten lots of advice in your 200+ comments, but if no one has mentioned it you could read No Cry Sleep Solution. It’s a great book. Personally I think it is damaging to do CIO, especially with babies under a year. My kids co-slept til they didn’t want to and we always comforted them to sleep no matter where they were. They are great sleepers now (4&6 years old) and in their own room together. I just couldn’t do the CIO thing, it didn’t feel right to me at all.

I don’t know how young is too young to cry it out. I think it’s a medieval practice. I think until 9-12 months they’re too young to cry for too long. If they’re crying, it’s for a reason. All of mine co slept and then moved to their own beds when the time was right for all of us. My middle child was the one that moved to his crib the youngest, around 6 months old. He is still a crazy sleeper. We never did the cry it out. I can’t bear my children crying for any reason. I’d rather comfort them to sleep and put them in their beds.

Amy says:

I think you have to be committed to it for it to work- if you back and forth, it wont work nearly as effectively. None of my three kids magically learned to sleep through the night. With our first son, we finally did Ferber and let him CIO at 11 months, where you went in at intervals 5, 10, 15 minutes, and space it out each night. It was horrible, but after 4 nights, he’s slept through the night literally every night since (he’s 4). With our twins, we did it at 6 months, because my husband was starting a new job and said if I wanted to be up with them, it was on me (which meant, between the two, that I’d literally be up all night). With them, at 6 months, it was SO much easier than with Sam at 11. I think because they couldn’t stand up yet, they wouldn’t stand there screaming and fight it. They’d cry, but finally give up. I think with them it took about 5 days. They’d still need some comfort at night occasionally, if sick, or teething, but for the most part they sleep! Bed times are still a battle occasionally, but I think that’s because they play with each other.

Audra says:

OK I didn’t read any of the other comments because, unlike when I read your blog early in the day (when I only have to look at a dozen or so comments to make sure I’m not being repetitive), there are now 214 OF THEM! Anyway, I let my first daughter cry it out. She is now four and a little on the anxious side. There could be lots of reasons for this, (like simply, she just takes after me), but there is this little nagging thought in the back of my mind that maybe crying it out was not such a good idea. With my second daughter who is now almost 2 1/2 I decided to go to her whenever she cried. Actually, I didn’t decide, it just happened. She was born with a VSD, a small hole in her heart, and at first I was worried that somehow screaming would be bad for her. My thoughts about this were exacerbated by the fact that as an infant she did a lot of erratic panting in her sleep which I found unsettling. Then once she got older and the hole in her heart closed I just really liked snuggling with her at night. She’s our last little one, so maybe that had something to do with it. By the time she was a year and a half she was pretty verbal and I couldn’t let her cry it out when she was wailing, “Mama, cuddle me!” in a mournful voice at the top of her lungs. I think that all of the “sleep training” stuff sounds good on paper, but you just have to go with your gut and do what feels right for you.

Libby says:

From what I remember of when our son (now 2) was starting to be put to sleep in his own room, my husband and I talked each other through letting him cry–but we didn’t do it forever. We’d go as long as we could, then go pick him up for a few minutes, then put him back down. Do it again (try to go slightly longer), try to pick him up for less time, or just pat him without picking him up…it eventually worked and he’s a great sleeper now (and we were lucky that once he started sleeping through the night, if we could get him to sleep, he’d stay asleep). We just had our second (a girl) though, and are already seeing how different they are, so who knows what will work this time around! Good luck!

Susannah says:

As long as she doesn’t have any health problems, pediatricians will tell you that you can do the sleep training/cry it out at four months. Emma slept MUCH better once we moved her out of our room into her own crib. Good Luck!

Angelique says:

I say let babies be babies. Why rush to have them grow up so quickly by learning to self soothe? Just an FYI, bed sharing, done properly, actually reduces the risk of SIDS (research done by specialist Dr. James McKenna, PhD). We do a combination of bed sharing and crib sleeping. We’ve done this with both our kids once they get bigger and start kicking us in bed at night.

Wow, lots of comments! So I won’t leave any advice other than what worked for us. We started (modified) sleep training when my daughter was four months or so. I did based on my own comfort level–which was I’d sit by her while she cried for up to 10 minutes. She usually fell asleep by minute 9. As she got older, I increased the time periods and felt comfortable leaving the room. That’s just what worked for me.

I also wanted to mention that if you’re completely freaked out about her sleeping on her back, check out the Snuza monitors. It clips on their diaper and an alarm sounds if they stop breathing.

We actually have an AngelCare monitor (which we won’t be giving up), but it does have quite a few false alarms, which can REALLY freak you out. But my brother has a Snuza for his little girl and it’s been great.

JustAMom says:

Well.. I have to tell you, you and Maddie are a huge part of the reason why my daughter and I co-slept until just after her 4th birthday. Now – I’m a single mom, so it’s easier for me, but even before my ex left, we co-slept I was just geting ready to transition her when he left, and then I had a friend lose her son to SIDS. So I thought – no way – now how. Ex is gone, there is plenty of room in bed for her. I watched her for MONTHS after my friends son passed Finally, she was much older, and everyone I knew gave me a hard time about letting her continue to sleep with me, but I just loved it. I loved the way her had would reach out and caress my cheek in the middle of the night. I loved the way she’s instictively scoot around the bed until she found me and then would spoon with me. Just when I started to think “okay, it’s time” Maddie passed, and I said f” it. And F what people think. Tomorrow is promised to NO ONE and I want evey second possible with my girl. I’d rather deal with the regret from not transitioning her earlier than the regret from caving to pressure from others to have her sleep in her own bed and then lose her. Which would hurt more?

Do what’s best for you and Mike and Annie. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s a bad idea if that’s not what you feel.

Oh and everyone told me how hard it would be? Nope……. at 4 years and three months, we made a big deal of buying a “big girl bed” by day three she was sleeping in it fine, no problem. Maybe I got lucky…. but every morning, she comes in my room, I hear the little footsteps, the door open, I get the biggest smile and then without a word, I lift the covers, she climbs in turns her back to me and we sppon for an hour. It’s the best thing in the world. As the sun starts to come up she points out the humming birds outside our window and tells me that the mama bird went to find food for the baby birds, because mommies take care of their babies. I truly elieve co-sleeping for as long as we did created a closenes that will never be broken. And God forbid, if He ever took her, I will NEVER regret my decision.

Kim says:

I have never had trouble getting my kids to sleep in their own beds, either, after co-sleeping with them as infants/toddlers. We buy the “big girl” or “big boy” bed, and they get to join in the room with their older siblings. It’s like a rite of passage around here, LOL (9 kids in this family) We have an OPEN BED policy around here. They have to fall asleep in their own beds at night, but if they wake for any reason in the middle of the night or early morning, they can crawl into bed with us if they feel the need or want to. We never turn them away. As a child, I can remember the worst feeling was when I woke up from a bad dream or maybe I just wasn’t feeling right, and going into my parent’s room only to be told to go back to my own bed. That was a long and lonely walk back down the hallway. I can still remember that feeling, and I don’t want my kids to feel that. We have a CA King bed and sometimes there are 4 kids in there with us. We are all flopped together and I love it. We also have a love seat couch in our bedroom and our kids can sleep there if they want. Some will only find room on the floor with their pillows and blankets. But that’s okay, too. Everyone is welcome — after they fall asleep in their own beds. That way, it gives me and hubby our time alone at the end of the evening

debi says:

Kim says:

Ah – the lovely, agonizing wonder of whether or not you should co-sleep and let her cry it out.

Let me tell you – Don’t!

No, really. Our daughter is 3 1/2 and started co-sleeping with us at 2 months. I had a c-section and was just exhausted. She slept better with us so it seemed perfect at the time.

Fast forward to now – it’s not fun. Don’t get me wrong, she is super snuggly and we still love the thought of her in the bed but it doesn’t work that way. She will not go to sleep in ANY bed without one of us. Therefore, forgot alone time because by the time she’s asleep, you are too! Forget having all 3 of you in the bed because they toss and turn so much it’s impossible to move.

And lastly, I could never do the cry it out thing. If you don’t want to co-sleep then you probably have no choice but to let her cry unless you want to go in and rock her until she’s back asleep again.

karen says:

I have no advice. My kids were horrible sleepers. Still are really. My almost 8 year old has only slept alone for the last year but still insists on a long stretch of morning snuggles. My almost 12 year old daughter would still sleep with me if I let her and still asks to on a regular basis.

Kim says:

I had my first when I was very young and did everything by the book out of fear of screwing him up for life and twenty three years and three kids later I still prefer him. Never co slept for fear of squishing, always in the crib for fear of losing him into the valley between the wall and mattress and the evils of his being on his belly. Three years later another son who turned out to be colicky as hell and slept in the swing at a time when the only newest thing going was a battery operated, open frame and it had a seat that went into three positions; really upright, upright and lounging. And the devil will get him if he is on his back. I had a daughter six years later and it was NEVER lay them on the back. Two years later antoher daughter and NEVER lay them on the belly. I guess maybe I’m a bit old school and except for the occasional virus and passing out cold I always kept them in the crib or bassinette or swing lol. But I’ve never had the problem of them expecting to go to sleep with me. They have always known they could climb in bed if the boogey man invaded the dreams but they knew bedtime meant their bed and after the story and when they were older a movie it was sleep time. Never co-slept, never will endorse it. BTW I’m 38

Cara says:

Hi Heather! Oh, I could talk about sleep tricks all day now that I’ve had kids! I am not a big fan of cosleeping b/c I could never sleep with my kids in the room. Every little noise, sound, turn, etc, I would wake and couldn’t fall back to sleep. Both of my kids were in their cribs at 10 weeks. I started doing the naps in the crib during the day and then transitioned to nights. At about 6 months the doc told me they don’t need to eat at night anymore so if they cried for more than 5-8 minutes, I would go in, comfort them and put them back down. For me the trick was being consistent and always putting them back in their crib and letting them comfort themselves to sleep. My son is 2 1/2 and rarely wakes during the nights (sleeps from 8-8) and my daughter is 8 months and sleeps 7-7. All kids are different though and sometimes I miss snuggling with them at night (every once in a while I’ll pull my 2 1/2 year old in bed with me if he has a bad dream or something and I LOVE snuggling with him!!!). Anyway….that is what worked for me. Also, White noise is the BEST—I use something called a Marpac white noise machine. It is awesome–it has two speeds and makes a white noise sound. I have one in each of my kids rooms. Here’s the link: http://www.amazon.com/Marpac-SleepMate-980A-Electro-Mechanical-Conditioner/dp/B000KUHFGM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1277955021&sr=8-1

Emily says:

When baby cries and someone comes, it builds trust, that is baby’s way of communicating. You can’t “spoil” a baby by responding to his calls. It’s funny how some people have said babies can “manipulate”, I simply believe that is not a baby’s nature.
I think that the previous post by Justamom is lovely and endearing, did you check it out? xox, Emily

Heather says:

HI there! I don’t comment very often but I wanted to chime in regarding the way Annie sleeps face down. My son, now a year did this too! It bothered me so much but luckily, my friend had an angel soft monitor for us to borrow. I loved this thing. It is around $100 but well worth it. Basically, it monitors movement (or breathing). If either stops, depending on what you have it set too, for longer than 20 seconds it will beep. I was thinking it may help ease your mind if you choose the CIO method or just until she stops sleeping face down (my son still does it)! I know I am a big “check on the baby person” so it helped me. Unfortunately, around 6 months he began the tossing, turning, teething business. So, he some how made it to our bed where he continues to reside (along with his 3 yr old brother). I am a big softy and failed at the CIO method. I had not planned the co-sleeping route and really tried to keep them in their own space but in ten years I don’ t think it is something I will regret (maybe I will if they are still in the bed, lol). Good luck whatever you decide!

Lisa says:

we are having horrible sleep troubles as well–my daughter sleeps in a bassinet but wants to go to sleep on her side. unfortunately, when i put her down, she rolls over and screams at me, as if to say she doesn’t want to be there. but she won’t go to sleep while i’m holding her either…aaahhh! i don’t know what to do anymore but i DO know i could use some sleep…

Jen L. says:

I didn’t read all of the comments but wanted share my experience. I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and it worked for me. I just used information from it that made sense to me. I guess I was too selfish to share my bed with my kids when they were babies because I could never fully sleep as I was too worried about them.

I started sleep training around 4-5 months during nap time and yes I did let them cry for a little bit. By the time we got to using it at bedtime, both of my boys had it figured out. From about 5-6 months on, I could put them in their cribs after reading books and rocking and they would put themselves to sleep. It is the greatest feeling when your kids can self soothe. They are now 2 and 5 and the routine hasn’t changed. It is totally worth it in the long run. Good luck

Kayla says:

I have two girls. Aria is 3, Cora is soon to be 2. Both had VERY different sleep habits.

Aria Co-slept with us until almost a year old. She had poor sleep habits from birth and NO amount of “sleep training” helped her. We just now at 3 yrs old put her on melatonin at bed time to help with her crazy sleep patterns.

Cora on the other hand would NOT sleep with us. Still to this day doesn’t. She would wake up grumpy and unrested, as did my husband and I.

With that being said. We never let the girls cry it out(CIO) before they were a year old. I think that it’s a mother’s job to be there for your baby when they need something and letting them CIO *TO ME* just doesn’t satisfy that job. Cora would get held, rocked, and swayed until she was drowsy then put down to sleep, if she would start full out crying we would repeat the process. If she just fussed we let her be until she fell asleep peacefully.

Like others my girls do come to bed with us from time to time. Sometimes of their own free will, sometimes because I just need some snuggles But regardless you have to do what is best for you and your child. If you have some discomfort about her crying herself to sleep then don’t do it.

I don’t know if anyone else has suggested it but i HIGHLY suggest The No Cry Sleep Solution if you are against her crying herself to sleep. It helped us TONS!

I can’t do cry it out, unless the child is awake and tantrums are going on, then she goes into the crib until she stops. I am just too soft, can’t do cry it out, ever. But Hannah is nearly two. My ped always said once they can roll over and sleep face down you just have to stop worrying about it. Easier said than done!

Jennie says:

I always wonder exactly *what* a baby is supposed to be crying out… Their need? They are babies…they Are needy. Even Ferver himself said if he knew the damage his method caused he would never have written it.

I say CIO is barbaric. Yeah it can make a baby fall asleep on their own but at what cost? It makes our mommy and daddy instincts cringe when our babies cry for a reason, tuning that out is tuning our babies out. They have their whole lives to be independent.

I was a teacher in an infant room for years, I could always tell those kiddos whose parents practiced CIO because they usually took less time to fall asleep but they were harder to settle in general. Sure this is purely anecdotal but it was a definite trend.

My daughter slept in our bed exclusively for the first 8 months then we slowly transitioned her to at least doing her first stretch in her crib in our room, when she wakes to nurse she comes into bed with us. I don know if it’s been suggested yet but can you side-car her crib? That way she has a harder surface to sleep on and you don’t have to go very far to tend to her needs at night.

I soooooo agree with your post! CIO never made sense to me. It goes against every mommy-instinct that I have. I once knew a new mom who let her baby CIO when she was just 6 days old! My heart just broke for that newborn! The mother even told us (at a neighborhood gathering) when asked how could she stand hearing her newborn cry like that? she said she just turned the t.v. up louder. “Eventually she goes to sleep” is what she said. I’ll never forget that.

Amber says:

My daughter is a month younger then Annie… and it is a bad napper, we are lucky to get an hour. We put her in her crib about 2 1/2 months and has been doing great but those naps are few and far between. JUST recently I have been allowing the CIO. I only let her cry a few minutes and then shussh her and walk out again. The first nap was awful and they have gotten better as the days pass. BUT if she is overtired, I don’t bother, I rock her to sleep and don’t feel sorry for doing so!

Amber says:

When my first was 4months old and still not sleeping thru the night( up 2x) my Dr. told me to make sure to wake him every 3hrs(from the prev.feeding) during the day even if he’d only been sleeping 30minutes(got days/nights on track) and bam started sleeping all night every night and it just kept getting better(I would top him off right before I went to bed for a few months). I forgot this with my second and she’s 5 and still gets up almost every night UGH!! I did the babywise with the 3rd and OMG was it hard but so worth it. 8wks all night sleep and it just got better and better and better and he’s the most layed back of all of them!! My girlfriend babywised all 3 of hers and they are all the same, layed back easy going….. SOOOO worth all the 10-20min. timers and eating of sweets while hearing the crying…………………….. I would totally do it again but with more confidence if I ever had another:)

Kristin says:

I had to use the ferber method with my kids. It was really hard to do, but in the end better for all of us. I have heard not to do it before six months, but I did it at five. I had to invest in a video baby monitor though… because I hept wanting to go in and make sure something wasn’t terribly wrong! That was peace of mind for me to see that she was just crying and not hurt or something. Good Luck!

Julie B says:

I’m a *mean* mommy who made my babies sleep in their crib from day one. And I let them “cry it out” whenever they tried to deviate from sleeping in their own bed. “Crying it out” truly only happens a few nights at the most — after that, they get that they have to go to sleep on their own. You should try it — I bet you’d be good at it AND it’s nice when bedtime comes around to just say “Let’s go night night” and off they go!

I got a bed rail, like for a toddler bed, to keep my little ones from rolling out of my bed when they started moving around more. Even if she isn’t sleeping in your bed often, it would still give you a sense of security if you lay down to nap or something together.

As for the face plant I have no idea! It looks cute, but it would make me a nervous wreck for sure.

sadie says:

My little one slept with us for a year, because I was nursing. He woke up every 2-3 hours to nurse until then. On his first b-day I stopped nursing him and put him in his own crib, turned on some classical music, a fan and he slept through the night. It has never been a problem. He is almost four and he always asks for the fan on. It totally puts him to sleep.

Angie says:

Well, Heather, I’m wondering if by now you are regretting asking all of ‘us’ what we thought.

Obviously, there are alot of thoughts and opinions on what to do.

My advice: YOU and MIKE decide what’s best for annie, and leave it at that!!

After skimming through the majority of comments, it’s clear to see that each mom (and dad) made the decision they made because THEY thought it was best. Some love co-sleeping, while others loathe it…some opt for CIO, while others equate it to child abuse. So, you are not going to find the right answer…because what’s right for you, may not be what’s right for another mom.

But, what’s right is that you love your Annie, that you and Mike are amazing, loving parents and it’s SOLELY up to the two of you how you want to parent Annie…and this includes this decision.

Figure out what ‘kind’ of parents you are…what results you are looking for…what lengths/paths you are willing to take to get there…and then be confident and assured in your decision.

And I applaud (most) of the ladies on here, who have handled this respectfully. This is definitely a contentious issue between moms and it needn’t be. Really…why would another mom have such strong opinions about what I choose to do with MY kids? I won’t answer to her as to the kind of parent I’ve been…I’ll answer to my kids. And if we could just see that we are ALL just trying to do what’s best for OUR kids..because we all love them more than life itself.

Best of luck in whatever decision you and Mike make! Beautiful Annie will be blessed because of it! xoxo

This is a tough one. With 4 kids, all with different personalities, and different medical needs (reflux, night O2, etc), I can tell you there is no one right answer.

My 2yo NEVER wanted to sleep with us. I would nurse him in my bed, but as soon as he was done he would roll away. If you didn’t put him back in his own crib right away, he’d freak out. He also seemed to need to cry when he went to bed. He’d scream bloody murder for 2 or 3 minutes every night when we first put him down, but then he’d be out like a light.

The baby is the opposite. When he is done nursing he burrows in deeper to my chest to sleep. If he cries when you put him down to sleep, it’s over. There is no chance of him settling himself in a few minutes.

I tried crying it out with my first daughter, when that didn’t work after 10 nights, i used Elizabeth Pantley’s “No Cry Sleep Solution” Book. That worked for her. EP helps with night sleeping even if you are co-sleeping. She would sleep worse if we co-slept, so we never did.

My second daughter just slept through at 7weeks, no crying tried or needed.

My son was colicky but around 10 weeks he stopped being colicky (baby chiropractor-another crazy story) and then stopped eating at night when I went to him. It seemed to wake him more when I went in. So for two nights I let him CIO (after listening to him cry with colic for 4-6 hrs per afternoon/evening while I was holding him for 6 weeks, this wasn’t as hard, I had become numb to it). He’s slept through the night since.

Every child is different. You have to do what feels right to you, and what you can live with. Something you never would have ever tried with one, you’ll try with the next because you need it or, in this case they need it, (as you fee for safety). Listening deeply to your mothering voice, while keeping a sane marriage and mind, is not easy. Trying to decipher the cries is also important. You can tell the difference between a “it would be nice to get picked up now” and a “I NEED YOU AND I NEED YOU NOW”.

My best advice is to come up with a plan and stick with it, otherwise you’ll both get snippy with each other in the middle of the night when you had different expectation for and from each other.

Wishing you the best, the good news is she has shown you that she CAN do it by sleeping 8 hrs. Sometimes an earlier bedtime can also help with a longer night of sleep, weird as that sounds. There is a window of sleepy time (I learned a lot from the book “Healthy Sleep Happy Baby”.

Lisa_in_WI says:

I’m sure someone already brought this up, but what about a sleep positioner? I saw one on Target’s Web site, but the link was waaay to long to post. I just went to Target.com and typed in “baby sleep positioner” in the search box.

Ugh, I’m sure you’re going to get a jillion different types of advice on this.

We didn’t co-sleep with our first, because he liked his crib, and slept well there. If we went on a trip, we’d put him in bed with us, before he was mobile. After that it was a pack n’ play.

With our daughter, she co-slept in the co-sleeper, and this was mainly because I wasn’t about to pay for another crib when we planned on transitioning our son from the crib in a few short months.

Different child, different personality. She slept better with us. She’d sleep in, she’d nap for hours and hours. She loved to cuddle up next to me and sleep late. It was awesome. But once she got mobile, we moved her to her own space and while we hit a few bumps, and sleep regressions, she did relatively well with the change. I think that doing it when she was young enough, made it easier. They’re still pliable.

However, bottom line is, you have to do what works best for all of you, and what meshes well with her personality. She might be OK with crying it out, or it may just make her angrier. I hated CIO, because I hated them thinking they felt like they were abandoned. But everyone is different.

Mary says:

You can do it. I echo all the people who said do what works for you. You will find supporters and detractors for any route you take. In the end, you guys are the ones who have to feel right with what you do. I know that doens’t help when you’re looking for advice, but maybe it will help make you feel better about what your instinct is telling you to do. I know the side I came down on, but plenty of others swear by the other method. Like I said, your research will uncover articles about how one way is the best and other articles about how the other way is the best.
Trust yourself. From where I sit, I think you’re a great mom.

Jess says:

Blargh. I would totally recommend it now while she’s still that young! FIrst daughter pretty much slept with me, since my husband was on third shift. I had to work 7am-430pm, so I got no sleep between bfing every 2 hours and such, so I put her to bed with me. Fast forward to 18 months old, hubby is no longer on third shift and I’m pregnant with our second child, and our bed is no longer as big as we once thought it was. We tried for nearly a month to get her to sleep in her bed, and it was a terrible month. The best thing I ever did was to keep her going until she was literally nodding off (and mommy was too) and then put her to sleep. It worked wonderfully. She barely whimpered since she was waaaay too sleepy. And with our second daughter, we kind of started slipping in the same track of her sleeping with us while I was breastfeeding and by 3 months of age I was like no, I cannot go through this again. So we started putting her to bed in her own bed and it was only a week before she was totally cool with it! So the big point to this story is, they’re more malleable when they’re young! They don’t remember as much one week to the next! lol

This probably isn’t very popular but Yes. Definitely sleep train now. Doesn’t matter how you do it but the sooner the better. Figure out what works for you and stick to it. The longer she sleeps with you, you’ll be reinforcing the habit….and while it may be sweet to be sleeping with your adorable baby…not so much when she is 5 and gets up 100 times after bedtime because she can’t sleep without you. Or worse… when she’s 9 and still crawling in bed with you in the middle of the night.

My husband and I agreed to the rule-NO sleeping children in our room. Period. That is OUR space. Adult space. Sometimes it was hard but totally worth it. Both my kids slept in their beds all night very early. Both had twin beds in their rooms as well as a crib so if they were having a particularly rough night, one of us could sleep in there with them…. but we didn’t make a habit out of it. If you feel you must sleep with her, put a big bed in her room and sleep there. However, be prepared because the longer she gets accustomed to sleeping with someone the longer she will expect it. I know they are only little once…however fostering this habit may ensure that you might be dealing with a sleep issue LONG after the “little” stage.

Just my opinion….but for what its worth…I run a daycare and I can always tell the co-sleepers. Co-sleepers tend to be needy, demanding and desire constant attention and approval well past the “sweet baby stage”. (like ages 4 and 5) as they are used to having a parent respond to every whimper. I am sure not all children are like this, but it has been my experience.

All 3 of our kids are belly/tommy-sleepers. I know it’s safer to put them on their backs, but mine just WON’T/wouldn’t sleep that way. Ever. And not sleeping enough meant not having enough energy to grow for our premature twins. I always put them on their back, but as soon as they could roll over they would flip onto their tommy and turning them on their back always meant waking them up.

With this aerosleep mattress I at least knew that when they would end up face-down (even if they’d end up under their blanket) they would still be able to breath.

Back-sleeping is best, but if they absolutely won’t sleep that way (or at least not for more than 10 minute stretches) you don’t really have a choice.

Who cares if she doesn’t sleep through the night and do exactly what she’s “supposed to?” Love on that sweet girl and answer her cries! You will be a zombie, but there is diet coke, coffee and undereye concealer for that. I promise you, even when it seems BAD, it won’t last forever. I speak from experience! Good luck.

Barbara D says:

Ok, I’ll add my .02 to the whole discussion. I hope you aren’t sick of reading them because I would like to offer my view.

I didn’t want to co-sleep for a variety of reasons (hard sleepers, had a waterbed at one point, etc), but I refused to cry it out. I feel like others that babies cry for a reason and that reason needs to be figured out. This is their only means of communication and you cannot spoil a baby by tending to their needs.

Many times a baby cries because they are scared and want Mommy and Daddy. A crying baby releases stress hormones and the more they cry, the more is released. You being there for them helps them to be more independent in the long run.

This is what worked for us. From the beginning we established a bedtime routine. Same thing, same time, every night. (warm bath in warm room, lotion massage, swaddle, nurse) My boys slept in a bassinette along side the bed until they were no longer nursing at night. I always nursed on demand, but both my boys night weaned at 8-10 wks of age (I know this is odd, but they honestly did this on their own. May have had something to do with the fact that I had enough milk to feed a small army, may have been from the never broken bedtime routine, I don’t know.) Once they had been sleeping through the night for at least one month (by the way sleeping through is anything longer than 5 hours according to most “experts”), we transitioned them to their crib.

If my babies ever cried, they got immediate and swift attention. My oldest began waking at 10 mos. I would go in and nurse him and put him back down till we figured out that all my husband had to do was poke his head in and tell him it was still night time and he would go right back to sleep (crazy!).

My youngest turned out to be a light sleeper and we got a noise machine like others suggested and it has worked wonders. We don’t go on vacation without it! By the way, I saw pictures of Maddie’s baby shower a long time ago and you do have the same noise maker I do if you still have it. I remember seeing you holding it and saying, “Hey, I have that thing too!”

My boys are now 5 and 2 and are confident, independent and have wonderful sleep habits. Since I skimmed the comments, I didn’t know if someone has posted a similar experience, but I wanted to let you know you don’t have to co sleep or cio. Babies can be transistioned to a crib but still have their needs met. As others have said, it is about finding what works best for your family and how you and your family can get the most sleep.

Geez, why do I always intend to only write a couple of sentences, but then write a book? Sorry this is so long!

Maria Delgado says:

Marsha says:

I know all babies are different, but let me tell you, after just finishing up a four day babysitting stint of my stepdaughter’s about to turn a year old TWINS, two days of which were just ME watching them, I am grateful their parents did the whole sleep training thing. They are on a great schedule which helped me out immensely. They sleep about 11 hours at night, and nap for two hours in the morning and 1.5-2 hours in the afternoon. They were such good babies it didn’t feel like work at all. I had a great time with them.

My husband and I also flew out to Providence to babysit our 8 month old great niece at the beginning of June for 4 days and her mother also did the sleep training with her beginning at 8 weeks old. She is also on a very predictable schedule and again, it helped us out a ton. I think babies do great with a consistent schedule so they know what to expect.

I may not have babies of my own, but I’ve become quite experienced with babies seeing how we have had the birth of 4 grandchildren and our twin godchildren in a span of 2 years and we are now the most requested sitters! For a while we were taking our godchildren nearly every weekend since they were 8 weeks old. They weren’t on any sort of schedule and they were much more difficult to care for. So going by my personal experience, I am all for sleep training. It saves everyone’s sanity!

annonomous says:

I don’t know if anyone has suggested this or not and Maybe this will seem weird to some of you, but did you notice that the hospital would keep newborns propped up in the bins, well they tend to sleep better upright. we had problems at home until I tried laying my baby girl in the boppy pillow at night. the nights that she doesn’t sleep well are the ones when she hasn’t had the boppy, give it a try. it might help keep her in place as well. we also swaddle her. good luck!

annonomous says:

Sorry, I thought of some more to add. when she was newborn, I wanted to have her in the bed and room with us. no go.. she was constantly squeaking through the night, I never got a wink! At about a week old, we decided that she would do fine, just outside our door, we put her in the bouncer, it worked better than the bassinett! Eventually we felt good about moving her into the room adjacent to us. We went back to the bassinet, but we put a boppy pillow in with it and wedged her in, she never knew a difference. At three months we moved her from the bassinet to the crib, no fuss about the change at all because she still was in the B Pillow. She is four months old now and still sleeps really well, even 10-12 hours at night! there are times that she will wake up in the middle of the night and want to be fed still, but she sleeps for at least six hours before she ever wakes up. I do love the co-sleeping while I feed her, but it only ever happens if hubs is gone, we have a double bed, so it’s kinda tight! Anyway, thats our story, I hope you can glean something from it!

Tracy says:

Late, late, late reply….but wanted to throw my 2 cents in re: tummy sleeping….
My first child refused to sleep on his back. Being new parents we had been well schooled in “back to sleep”…so, after 3 sleepless nights we headed off to the pediatrician with our baby that refused to sleep unless he was being held on my chest. She asked if he slept and when he slept how and then looked at me and uttered the sweetest words I’d ever heard…..
“If he will only sleep on his tummy, let him sleep on his tummy. You all need to sleep. Take everything out of the crib and he’ll be fine. I raised my children sleeping on their tummies.” She did warn us that it increased risk and all those doctorly things – but said it should be fine.
We ran home with our baby and put him down for a nap, on his tummy, and he slept! Oh sweet relief! From that point on he was a tummy sleeper.
When I had my second, we dutifully put her to sleep on her back. It worked, for a little while. Then, the sleepless nights started. After just a couple (and no trip to the ped this time) we switched her to her tummy and VOILA…rest for all of us.
I know what all the experts say….and I’m sure that back sleeping is best. But, there are those babies out there who won’t sleep on their backs. Just letting you know that there are kiddos out there who have survived tummy sleeping in infancy.

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