The 'Bachelor' Women Need to Stop Forcing Love

If ABC's The Bachelor teaches us anything about love (besides the fact that I am thrilled I was engaged and married before 25), it's this: You can't force love. From The Supremes we may have learned "You Can't Hurry Love," but The Bachelor has taught us something even more important.

The fact is, no matter how much you want to "open up" to someone or make them love you over the other girls, it's never going to happen unless it's there to begin with. There is a reason the "on paper" guy is bad everywhere else. And let's face it: For most of the girls on the show, Ben Flajnik -- and every Bachelor besides him -- is merely good on paper.

It's the annoying secret the sobbing girls in the limo always seem to forget. The fact is, not every guy is going to be a good match.

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So when Rachel spent half her one-on-one date Monday night with Ben worrying about whether she was "opening up" enough, it did sort of lead to some questions. Why was she feeling the need to force it so much? In a good relationship, isn't "opening up" something that sort of happens organically? And what does she even mean by that?

In all the relationships I've had, the process of sharing our inner selves has happened because it happened. I didn't have to make a conscious effort to "open up," I just did. Maybe that should be a sign in and of itself. If it feels like a massive effort, maybe it isn't worth it?

Women in real life do this as much as on the show. They want so badly to find that love and make it work that they end up making complete fools of themselves in the pursuit. Do none of these women ever stop to ask themselves what THEY want? Would Ben really be the guy they would pick for themselves if there were 10 other guys to choose from?

If so, then yay, but my guess is 90 percent of the women would say no. But on the show, they get so wrapped in the drama and competition that they forget they have choices, too. It happens season after season and it won't stop any time soon. But it's an important lesson even for people who don't go on reality TV to find love.

We all have choices and just because a man wants us or shows some interest or SEEMS like a catch doesn't mean he is. If we aren't feeling it on some level, forcing it isn't the answer. By stepping aside and letting nature run its course, you allow a greater chance of REAL love.