Children who are raised bilingual have many advantages over children who can only speak one language. Languages open up the doors to knowledge, culture, ideas, dawa, travel, friendships, and economic opportunities. It’s one of those things where you don’t know how much it is worth until you have it. We now live in a global village, more so than any other time, therefore knowing more than one language is very valuable. Adding a program to your homeschooling curriculum for your child to grow in a bilingual environment is an excellent choice and we hope this article will help you make the decision that’s right for you.

Children who are raised bilingual have many advantages over children who can only speak one language. Languages open up the doors to knowledge, culture, ideas, dawa, travel, friendships, and economic opportunities. It’s one of those things where you don’t know how much it is worth until you have it. We now live in a global village, more so than any other time, therefore knowing more than one language is very valuable. Adding a program to your homeschooling curriculum for your child to grow in a bilingual environment is an excellent choice and we hope this article will help you make the decision that’s right for you.

Why raise bilingual children?

Children who are raised bilingual have many advantages over children who can only speak one language. Languages open up the doors to knowledge, culture, ideas, dawa, travel, friendships, and economic opportunities. It’s one of those things where you don’t know how much it is worth until you have it. We now live in a global village, more so than any other time, therefore knowing more than one language is very valuable. Adding a program to your homeschooling curriculum for your child to grow in a bilingual environment is an excellent choice and we hope this article will help you make the decision that’s right for you.

Why we did it?

We have raised our children to speak both English and Classical Arabic. English obviously because it is our mother tongue, it’s the language of where we are from, and where we plan to spend our lives. English is also the language of business, and most modern sciences. As for Arabic, it is the language of Islam, the Qur’an, our Prophet, and all of the Islamic sciences. I went through a lot of effort to learn Arabic and I hope that my children won’t have to go through the same hardships. I don’t want them to have to look at a translation in order to understand the Qur’an, I want them to hear it as if they were alive during the time of the prophet peace be upon him, because it is the language they were raised upon, the language of the Qur’an.

How we did it?

After reading about different approaches, we decided that I would speak Arabic to my son and my wife, and that my wife would speak Arabic to me, and English to my son. This provided two benefits. Firstly between me and my wife, she would have someone to practice her Arabic with, and this also allowed my son to hear others conversing in Arabic giving him additional practice. Deciding on this plan was half of the journey; the rest has been all about consistency.

Abdurahman was able to practice his English with his mom, his relatives, and eventually his reading programs. As for his Arabic, my son’s only exposure was through me, and listening to me and my wife speak. This is an important point as many people would think that they would need to be in an Arab country, enrolled inArabicschools,or maybe even marry an Arab to ensure their child speak Arabic. It’s not true. In fact I purposely limited my son’s interactions with Arab children so as to protect his language from being influenced by local dialects.

Another source of practice for him now is his younger brother. When Nuh was born we would act out his voice in Arabic, pretending that he was speaking to Abdurahman, and in return, Abdurahman would respond to him in Arabic. This became so habitual that by the time Nuh was speaking they preferred to speak to each other in Arabic. This process of dividing the languages between us has proven to be so successful that even if I slip up and speak to my son in English he responds to me in Arabic.

Obviously Learning Arabic is a blessing, but even if you’re a household that speaks English and Urdu, or English and Spanish, or any other language for that matter you never know the benefit that your child may have from it. And although they might not thank you for doing so if you do, they’ll surely ask why you didn’t, if you didn’t.

What you should do

Have to have a plan: You may try what we’ve done where each parent speaks a specific language. Some people suggest if you’re living in a country that speaks English for example than inside the home you make a rule where no one is allowed to speak anything but the second language. Whatever your plan is you need to make sure that the child is getting enough exposure and practice on a consistent basis without mixing different approaches.

Stick to the program: Flip flopping programs is going to be detrimental to the consistency that your child will need in order to make progress. If you’re not consistent, you may find that either the child blends the two languages, or allows one to become predominant while neglecting the other.

Exposure: The child needs to have as much exposure as possible. You might not be strong in the language you want him/her to speak so he/she may need additional practice. You can do this by bringing him/her into communities that speak the target language, through social gatherings, clubs, or sports. This way he/she has a variety of people to practice with. You can also use various online resources, like language podcasts through ITunes, online learning with Café Mocha, or documentaries in your target language.

Listening: We have the Qur’an playing in our house all day. Our kids pick up a lot of new vocabulary words and try to make sentences out of them. Maybe you can find material online to listen to, or documentaries to watch in order to increase child’s vocabulary while learning proper pronunciation.

Read to you child: If you know the language than try to read a story to the child in that language on a consistent basis. This is another fun activity for your child that will allow him/her to expand their vocabulary, and it allows for the best question of “what does that mean?”

In closing

We couldn’t be more happy with the decision we made. Our children are both speaking fluently in both languages and continuing to improve. If you have the ability to do it, think it over and give it a try, you’ll save your child a big headache when they grow up. Trying to learn any language through a classroom environment is less preferable and more difficult than growing up with it. As with any homeschooling endeavor there are doubters, and discouragers, promoting fears that your child won’t speak until they are 3, or that they’ll get confused. We haven’t found this to be the case. We thank Allah that our children have had the progress that they have and we pray more parents are able to try and have the same success. If you have any questions please let us know, as we would love to help.

What is your image of a successful adult? It would most likely be a well-dressed person who interacts with his peers with ease and confidence. You would not expect such a person to live in a cluttered house with a squalid kitchen, or expect him to find frying an egg a mystery.
We assume that capably dealing with everyday mundane tasks is part of being a mature adult and a productive member of our Ummah. Needless to say, mature and capable adults need to begin their training when they are young children.

What is your image of a successful adult? It would most likely be a well-dressed person who interacts with his peers with ease and confidence. You would not expect such a person to live in a cluttered house with a squalid kitchen, or expect him to find frying an egg a mystery.
We assume that capably dealing with everyday mundane tasks is part of being a mature adult and a productive member of our Ummah. Needless to say, mature and capable adults need to begin their training when they are young children.

What is your image of a successful adult? It would most likely be a well-dressed person who interacts with his peers with ease and confidence. You would not expect such a person to live in a cluttered house with a squalid kitchen, or expect him to find frying an egg a mystery.

We assume that capably dealing with everyday mundane tasks is part of being a mature adult and a productive member of our Ummah. Needless to say, mature and capable adults need to begin their training when they are young children.

We are not suggesting you hand your 3-year-old a mop; rather consider the following tried and tested tips towards guiding your children into becoming productive members of your household:

- Your home is made up of a family who must work together to keep its house running smoothly. Explain that daily chores are not meant to be punishing burdens, but that they are necessary to the well-being of the entire family. Discuss the obvious result of never having anyone wash the dishes or picking up the toys. Let the children draw the conclusions during such discussions.
- Assign chores according to the maturity and capability of the child. Two-year-olds can help set a table by carrying spoons and table mats; older children can help with the after-dinner clean-up. Children can be assigned different areas of the house as their clean-up zone. For example, a young child may be in charge of removing old newspapers from the coffee table and depositing them into a storage basket, whereas a teenager may be responsible for a list of household maintenance work. Do not restrict a child’s responsibility to keeping his bedroom clean.
- Do not expect perfection, but gradually guide your child as he works. Do not belittle his efforts by giving in to the temptation of doing the job yourself.
- Keep utensils such as plastic plates and glasses within the reach of little hands. Encourage the children to fetch these when they want a snack and to deposit them near the kitchen sink. Once they are able, they can be encouraged to rinse them out too. Keeping breakfast items and healthy snacks accessible also encourages children to act independently. Do expect a spill sometimes and aid them with the clean-up job, but take heart that as the children work more independently, the incidents decrease too.
- Rotate chores amongst the older children on a weekly basis so that they can learn various tasks.
- Servants can support maintaining the home without crippling the family’s sense of responsibility.
- Make sure that family rules are followed consistently, such as all faucets checked before bedtime and all toys kept away before going outdoors.

Above all, make sure you do not go to bed while the house is a serious mess. Waking up to an untidy place can make for a grouchy morning.

The author, a homeschooling mother, is a Multitasking Organiser Teaching Home-manager Emergency-attendant Reading-assistant to eight children, Ma Sha Allah. Her family blogs at http://bapsblog.pirani.com/

Although the Muslim world is facing many crises today, probably none has more far reaching consequences than the crisis of education. If in every area we find that our affairs are not being run properly, the problem ultimately lies with the system that produced the people responsible for running those affairs. For the same reason its solution offers the greatest promise for the future.
The problem has become intractable because not only our system of education has been corrupted; our very ideas about education have also been corrupted. That is why despite the presence of educational institutions of every type everywhere, the problem defies solution. We are producing literacy but not education. We are disseminating information but not knowledge. We are producing certificates, diplomas, and degrees of every conceivable type but we are not producing men of learning and understanding needed to run the affairs of the Ummah and help it carryout its task of being a guide for the humanity.

Although the Muslim world is facing many crises today, probably none has more far reaching consequences than the crisis of education. If in every area we find that our affairs are not being run properly, the problem ultimately lies with the system that produced the people responsible for running those affairs. For the same reason its solution offers the greatest promise for the future.
The problem has become intractable because not only our system of education has been corrupted; our very ideas about education have also been corrupted. That is why despite the presence of educational institutions of every type everywhere, the problem defies solution. We are producing literacy but not education. We are disseminating information but not knowledge. We are producing certificates, diplomas, and degrees of every conceivable type but we are not producing men of learning and understanding needed to run the affairs of the Ummah and help it carryout its task of being a guide for the humanity.

Although the Muslim world is facing many crises today, probably none has more far reaching consequences than the crisis of education. If in every area we find that our affairs are not being run properly, the problem ultimately lies with the system that produced the people responsible for running those affairs. For the same reason its solution offers the greatest promise for the future.

The problem has become intractable because not only our system of education has been corrupted; our very ideas about education have also been corrupted. That is why despite the presence of educational institutions of every type everywhere, the problem defies solution. We are producing literacy but not education. We are disseminating information but not knowledge. We are producing certificates, diplomas, and degrees of every conceivable type but we are not producing men of learning and understanding needed to run the affairs of the Ummah and help it carryout its task of being a guide for the humanity.

The Muslim world throughout is plagued with the presence of two parallel education systems. Schools, colleges and universities on the one hand and madrasas or Darul ulooms on the other. They are parallel in a textbook definition of parallel lines; two lines that never meet. Together they are tearing the fabric of the Muslim community by pulling it in opposite directions.

In order to understand where we stand and where we are headed with what we have, it is important to look at how we ended up where we are now.

The paramount system of education throughout the Muslim world is the system of western education introduced by the imperial powers: The British in the subcontinent, Palestine, Sudan, Egypt, Iraq, and elsewhere; the French in Algeria, Lebanon, Syria, Tunis and Morocco; the Italians in Libya; and so on. These imperial powers methodically worked to destroy the system of education they found in the conquered territories and confer all the power and prestige on the implanted system.

Their main purpose was to control the minds of their subject people. It is instructive to note that the first three universities established in India (Calcutta, Bombay, and Madras) did not do any teaching at all when established or for decades after that. They were established in 1857 and their task was to conduct examinations for the students in their vast areas of jurisdiction, thereby controlling education throughout India. In other words their prestige was not due to their excellent teaching---as there was none--- but due to their monopoly over the granting of certificates and degrees which could be cashed through government employment.[1]

ImperialSchooling

The immediate purpose of the schools and colleges established by the imperial government was the production of junior functionaries for running its affairs. Their products were required to be cogs in the wheels of the exploitative and repressive imperial machinery. For this they had to be convinced of the superiority of their masters, their language, their manners, their knowledge, their system of government, their culture and their history while disdaining their own history and civilization and questioning their religion. Prayers in a textbook used in Libya by the Italians sums up the plan: "O God! Help me to be a good Italian. O God! Help me to love Italy, my second fatherland." One could substitute France or Britain for Italy in the other colonies.

The paramount system of education throughout the Muslim world is the system of western education introduced by the imperial powers...Their main purpose was to control the minds of their subject people.

Toward this goal, they eliminated religious education from government schools in the name of religious neutrality, replacing it with secular humanism. With this moral training was also eliminated. Science education was introduced to train the students into celebrating the discoverers of the laws which governed the physical world from atoms to the huge galaxies, without ever thinking of the Creator of the universe and its laws. It was also used to convince them of the absolute authority of science as the arbiter of truth. The language of instruction was changed to cut the students off from their culture and civilization, decrease parental authority and parental participation in their learning, and develop in them an abiding inferiority complex.

Free universal education was ended; it was a requirement of the grants-in-aid system to support a school that the school must charge fees. Providing education was no longer a calling but a business. Its purpose was no longer to produce a good human being but a good wage earner. A petition filed by Arab organizations in Palestine to the Mandate Commission in 1945 stated that the British government policy (the mandatory power) was tajheel (spreading ignorance) not taleem (education). The same could be said of all the colonial powers in all the colonies.

Madrasas

Today most people have no idea of what a madrasa looked like. While there are thousands of historic mosques and tombs throughout the subcontinent, we do not find old madrasa buildings. What happened to them? Well, they never existed! Madrasas existed in a masjid, in the living room of an affluent person in the neighborhood or in the home of the teacher, or under a tree. There were no fees and no fixed grades. Students joined a teacher to study a particular book with him. Classes were heavily interactive so the examination took place everyday, there being no idea of an annual exam. The students that had read a book with a teacher could and did immediately start teaching it to others. Teachers either had support from a ruler or an affluent person or had waqf lands that sustained them. Not only that there were no fees, but frequently students were given a stipend or financial aid by the teachers.

At the time of British arrival in the subcontinent, this system of education was producing men for all walks of life. A large country with millions of people needed all kinds of goods and services and people who could produce them. The country needed religious leaders, scholars, administrators, judges, craftsmen for all sorts of products from textiles to pottery to weapons, builders, workers, soldiers, generals, physicians, writers, copyists (in a thriving publishing business), teachers, and traders. And the pre-colonial madrasa did produce them all. Ustad Ahmad Lahori (d. 1060 AH/1650 AC), the chief architect of Taj Mahal and Jami Masjid Delhi was a graduate of a madrasa[2]. So was Ali Mardan Khan (d. 1067/1657) who was the builder of Shalamar Gardens in Lahore. So was Khairullah Khan Dehlvi (d. 1161/1747) who built the Observatory in Delhi. So was Ustad Rumi Khan who built cannons for the Mughal King Babar (d. 937/1530). So were other architects and engineers who built hundreds of other civil engineering marvels throughout the vast land. Madrasa taught them reading, writing, arithmetic, geometry, tib (medicine), Farsi, Arabic, Qur'an, Hadith, Logic, and Fiqh in an environment which valued adab (manners and morals) over book learning. Then they learned the crafts through apprenticeship and on the job training with a master.

Ustad Ahmad Lahori (d. 1060 AH/1650 AC), the chief architect of Taj Mahal and Jami Masjid Delhi was a graduate of a madrasa...So were other architects and engineers who built hundreds of other civil engineering marvels throughout the vast land..

This was the system sustained by the pre-modern Mughal society. It had the capability of absorbing the new disciplines and knowledge coming from Europe into its rich tradition without causing a permanent disruption if it had been allowed to. But those developments coincided with the coming of the colonial masters who had no intention of letting this conquered land tame their modernity, picking only the useful things from it and adapting them to the values and traditions of the society.

Destruction of the Madrasa System

Despite its weaknesses and problems but contrary to common perceptions, this old system of education did not die of natural causes; it was crushed by the power of imperial despotism---by its guns and political intrigue, not its superior scholarship and pedagogy. The task of destroying the existing system of education was carried out efficiently and ruthlessly by simultaneous attacks on two fronts. On the one hand they cutoff financial support for the existing madrasas. Through zamindari system and "land reforms" Muslim landholders who were sponsors of education were impoverished. Further --- and it is just one example of this effort--- a barbaric machinery was established to execute the notorious Resumption Act (1828-1846) to confiscate the tax free land grants that had sustained madrasas for centuries. Even W. W. Hunter (d. 1900), who was later a member of the governor-general's council and presided over the commission on Indian Education admitted, "The Resumption proceedings were harsh in the extreme." As he describes, an army of "informers, false witnesses, and clam, stern Resumption officers" spread throughout the length and breadth of India, demanding land documents and declaring them invalid at the slightest pretext. The lands were thus confiscated. At the height of this campaign in the middle nineteenth century, hundreds of madrasas closed every year in a single district.

On the other front the imperial despotism eliminated opportunities for employment of the graduates of the old system who had historically filled the jobs in the administrative and judicial branches of the Mughal governments. The only jobs left for them were those associated with mosques, now offering low prestige and lower salary. It is a testimony to its resilience that the system was down but not out despite these attacks. It survives in the form of today's madrasas.

Modernity

The drastic educational revolution was brought about at the same time as modernity was ushered in at the terms of the colonial power and for the purpose of serving its needs. Beginning in the 1840s Lord Dalhousie's huge public works project was started to "forge the conquered territory into a unified, secure, and productive colony."[3]The projects included irrigation, railways, telegraph, mining, and manufacturing. They were all aimed at easing and strengthening imperial control and making the land more productive for the imperial masters.

But there were additional benefits. The dazzling display of engineering feats convinced the people of the superiority of their masters. As Syed Ahmad Khan said at the meeting of Civil Engineering Society in London in 1869, "What creates the most awe of the British Empire in the minds of the people is the work of its engineers." Not just engineering work but all aspects of modernity made the old education irrelevant and new education a necessity. Obviously madrasas had not been designed to produce the people who could serve the modern institutions that had suddenly been imposed on the land.

To be sure it was a necessary evil in the eyes of many. Syed Ahmad Khan himself openly admitted the problem with the new education even as he slavishly embraced it: "As this education spreads, and spread it must and I am also helping it spread, to the same extent ill feelings, indifference, and even turning away from Islamic practices will become common."

The society had been changed. Its economic organization, social relations, power structure and all the institutions that had sustained it had been crippled. It could no longer be business as usual.

Deoband

It is in the context of this modernity imposed by imperial despotism at its terms that we should understand the heroic work of the founders of Deoband. Deoband was the first institutional madrasa in the subcontinent: The mother madrasa whose example was followed by all the other madrasas, of all persuasions, in the years and decades to come. It was started under the shade of a pomegranate tree, as Deoband historians love to tell us. But that would hardly be a distinguishing feature as thousands of other madrasas had operated under the shades of trees for centuries in the subcontinent as already noted. Actually that humble beginning was a link with the past that masked a revolutionary change for the future. It would soon introduce a purpose built building housing the class rooms, a system of classes and grades, annual examinations, an organization structure for the faculty and an administrative structure to manage the new madrasa. All of these were innovations and there was internal resistance as they were introduced. Yet, instead of longing for the good old days, its visionary founders designed a modern institution that could survive in the changed post Mughal society that had been forced upon the land. This is an achievement that unfortunately has been ignored by friends and foes alike.

Deoband was not all that was needed, but it was all that could be under the crippling constraints imposed by the imperial despotism. If madrasas had provided all education before, they should have continued to do so now, absorbing the new disciplines and knowledge coming from Europe in their own scheme. But that would require much more than a competent staff well versed in both old and new subjects (itself a daunting task); it would also require an army able to defeat the colonial regime. For, we should have no doubt that the colonial masters would never have allowed such a scheme that would disrupt their plans. Their plans were to disrupt the society and turn it into a willing accomplice to its own subjugation. Any challenge to that would be an existential threat. Let us not forget that even such a loyal and subservient person as Syed Ahmad Khan was not allowed to establish his university. The Aligarh Muslim University did not come into being for nearly a quarter century after Syed Ahmad's death. He had to quash his plans to build his life's dream of an independent university and had to be content with establishing the M.A.O College that would be under total academic control of Calcutta University. If this was the freedom given to a loyal servant, one can imagine the freedom allowed to those who were suspected as troublemaker right from the beginning.

Deoband, and other madrasas that emulated its example in institutional structure, avoided conflict with the colonial educational establishment by staying clear of the new subjects taught by them. They made it their goal to preserve the old education ---- now considered to be purely "religious" education. This education had produced civil servants, judges, and well rounded scholars in all fields in a previous era. But their worldly component catered to a world that no longer existed. In the changed world it would only produce imams for the mosque.

They could not tame modernity; they had to find a safe haven in a corner of it. At a time when even this corner was threatened, it was a great achievement. Lest we underestimate the significance of this work, let us not forget that it was in 1856 that Father Edmond's letter was sent to all the employees of the East India Company exhorting them that the time had come for all of India to become Christian. This was after decades of sustained and increasingly aggressive work by missionaries from all over the Christian world who had been supported by the East India Company. There is no saying what would have happened to Islam and Muslims in the subcontinent if these madrasas had not been there.

Unfortunately what was adopted under compulsion by the founders was retained voluntarily by their followers when times changed. They stuck to the drastically reduced scope, even after the imperial rule ended, because they imagined this to be their universe. As a result they had staged a voluntary withdrawal from the larger public sphere. Madrasas became a smaller and weaker pole in a polarized world of education. The task of producing leaders for all walks of life was taken over by the opposite pole of schools and colleges created in the image of the Western model introduced by imperialism.

HybridEducation: The Best of the Two Worlds?

The tensions created by the two opposing systems are an old story. We can see them playing out in every Muslim country. How to bridge the gulf between the two is a question that has occupied our minds for more than a century. The dilemma is we cannot do without either one of them and at the same time we cannot continue to have two disparate systems.

The solution that has lately become popular among concerned educators and parents is the hybrid system, combining religious and secular education in one institution. These schools provide Qur'anic education, hifz training, Islamic studies, and Arabic in addition to math, science, social studies and English language and literature taught in the normal secular schools. The new English medium Islamic schools in Pakistan which prepare the students for O and A levels are the trendiest examples of this approach. May be we finally have a solution that would produce Muslim doctors, engineers, scientists, managers, and leaders for all walks of life--- people who would combine first rate worldly education with a solid Islamic education.

Orwould they?

Unfortunately while these schools are better than what we had before as contemporary schools, they are hardly a solution to our educational crisis. If the two worlds are not harmonious and pull in opposite directions, as they do, then combining them under one roof is not going to make them so. Hybrid education's teaching of science, social studies, medicine, engineering, law, journalism, management, business or any other subject would not automatically be stripped of their un-Islamic humanistic worldview just because of a heavier load of Islamic subjects in the curriculum.

If we teach them the same science using the same books as the other schools, the problems will also be the same. For in science we are teaching our students to look at the universe from the viewpoint of a person who does not know God. "And how many Signs in the heavens and the earth do they pass by? Yet they turn their faces away from them." [Yusuf, 12:105]. A proper study of science would make one appreciate both the Power, Majesty, and Grandeur of Allah's creations and the humbleness and limitations of human knowledge and abilities. Today our science education gives exactly the opposite message. Will this problem go away because the school is also teaching Qur'an memorization and Arabic language?

How can the students reconcile the laws of conservation of mass and energy, which imply an eternal universe, with the knowledge that Allah created the universe from nothing and it will end one day? How can they reconcile the Qur'anic story of Creation with Darwinian story of Evolution? How can they reconcile the command (and a believer's natural disposition) to reflect on the creations of Allah with the command of science never to mention the name of Allah when engaged in scientific discourse? How can they reconcile the belief in the unseen, which is the first requirement for getting guidance from the Qur'an, with the injunction of science that certain knowledge can only come from sense perception and everything else is suspect and possibly a superstition? How can they reconcile the Islamic worldview with a capitalistic, materialistic worldview that permeates all "secular" curriculums?

The simple answer is they cannot. If they start thinking about the issues they will face endless confusion and frustration. More likely, they will just internalize the secular perspective and relegate Islam to the ritual corner. They will probably be better at the rituals than students going to other schools, but that is a far cry from being good Muslim scientists, engineers, managers, and other professionals that they were supposed to become. They would have effectively learned that Islam is a beautiful religion and dear to our hearts but is irrelevant to understanding this world or to solving its problems. In the hybrid model when you study the serious and prestigious subjects that deal with this world, you still leave Islam at the door step.

Hybrid education's teaching of science, social studies, medicine, engineering, law, journalism, management, business or any other subject would not automatically be stripped of their un-Islamic humanistic worldview just because of a heavier load of Islamic subjects in the curriculum.

The problem is not limited to science and technology. It covers the entire spectrum of subjects in our secular system. The best of our MBAs today learn that the goal of a business is to maximize profits and the goal of marketing is to create demand by manipulating people's perceptions. Those who excel there naturally try to be best at these skills. The best of our journalism graduates do not have a different model for journalism than the one presented by the West. They do not have their own definition of the news, their purpose for gathering it or their own moral standards that must regulate its dissemination. In economics we have been teaching that human beings are utility-maximizing animals. In our teaching of history, we see random events without a moral calculus driving them. We do not see Allah's laws that govern the rise and fall of nations. In psychology or sociology, medicine or engineering, civics or geography, it is the same story. In fact, our schools and colleges have been the main agency for secularization of Islamic societies.

This problem is not fixed by the hybrid model. In hybrid schools the best we can hope is that the students will become practicing Muslims in a narrow sense of the word, but if they have not been trained and educated to detect and challenge the secular dogmas that have been integrated into their curriculums then in their working lives they will be taking the same road as those who did not go to the hybrid schools.

We can see some additional serious problems in some of the hybrid schools that have emerged in Pakistan. They may even be run by a madrasa and co-located with it at the same campus but everything about them tells you that they belong to a different world. It is hard to beat the feeling that the old madrasa represents third class education while its hybrid cousin represents first class. They charge fees, and quite steep fees, for that matter. They use English not as a foreign language but as a medium of instruction, reaffirming its superiority over Urdu and Arabic. They even use textbooks from Oxford, oblivious of the clever distortions and corruptions in their texts. Lord Macaulay would feel vindicated by these schools!

Solution:Integrated Curriculum

The real solution requiresdecolonization of our minds. It is not an easy task to dismantle the frame of mind that has been created, nurtured and reinforced for over two centuries. But there is no other option.

Let us imagine that we were there when European nations started to advance in some areas of knowledge but, unlike what really happened, we were independent and free. What would we do? Simply we would do what we had done throughout history; take the useful components of their new knowledge and incorporate it into our system--- aligning it with our worldview, vision, and values. We had always accepted worldly knowledge from other nations --- Hindus, Persians, Greeks, Romans, Jews, Christians --- but it was assimilated into our system. It was an organic growth within our own society not a forced, foreign, disruptive implant.

What will be produced using the same honorable and sensible approach will be an integrated curriculum. Every subject will then be infused with the vision of Islam. Our entire education will then be stamped with the signature of Islam.

Al-Khwarizmi'sAlgebra

To get a glimpse of what we are talking about here, let us pick up the book of Algebra, written by Mohammed bin Musa Al-Khwarizmi, who introduced algebra to the modern world. He lived at the time of Al-Mamun (d. 218 AH/833 AC) and was the head of Baitul Hikma. Let us garner some wisdom from this well respected head of the House of Wisdom.

It begins: "Praised be Allah for His bounty towards those who deserve it by their virtuous acts, in performing which, as prescribed by Him to His adoring creatures, we express our thanks, and render ourselves worthy of the continuance (of His mercy), and preserve ourselves from change; acknowledging his Lordship, bending before His Power, and revering His Greatness!"

This again is a hallmark of books written in the glorious Islamic tradition. They always declared up front the purpose of studying the subject that they dealt with. It was not education for the sake of education but for a purpose.

Right away this beginning destroys any notion that what we are embarking upon is a secular enterprise. In the pre-colonial era all books, whether on chemistry, medicine, astronomy, optics, mathematics, or any other subject were always started this way. The idea of a secular domain (i.e. one divorced from religion) did not exist. This also alerts us that in the pursuit of this subject as elsewhere we are accountable to Allah and should not be doing or saying anything that would not meet His approval. Second, the words of praise are the author's. He is not copying a standard formula as a ritual but voicing his deeply held emotions.

This is followed by the invocation of blessings on the Prophet, again in the author's own words: "He sent Mohammed (on whom and on whose descendents, may the blessing, and peace of God repose!) with the mission of a prophet,- long after any messenger from above had appeared, when justice had fallen into neglect, and when the true way of life was sought for in vain."

After this he describes the purpose of writing this book, which is, "...a short work on Calculating by (the rules of) Completion (jabr)and Reduction (muqabala), confining it to what is easiest and most useful in arithmetic, such as men constantly require in cases of inheritance, legacies, partition, lawsuits, and trade, and in all their dealings with one another, or where the measuring of lands, the digging of canals, geometrical computation, and other objects of various sorts and kinds are concerned."

There is a clear declaration of purpose, which is to benefit other people, with specifics of how that is to be accomplished. This again is a hallmark of books written in the glorious Islamic tradition. They always declared up front the purpose of studying the subject that they dealt with. It was not education for the sake of education but for a purpose. In contrast modern textbooks fail to make a clear declaration of the purpose of study of the subject. And how many students we find in the universities today who do not have a clear idea of why they are studying what they are studying, except to get a degree or fulfill the requirement for a pre-requisite!

The solution lies in the integrated curriculum. Every subject will then be infused with the vision of Islam. Our entire education will then be stamped with the signature of Islam.

There is an even higher purpose here that he mentions next. He says that in writing this book he is "... relying on the goodness of my intention therein, and hoping that the learned will reward it, by obtaining (for me) through their prayers the excellence of the Divine mercy" He wrote this trailblazing algebra book so people who benefit from it would pray for him and help him get Allah's mercy.

It is this loftiness of purpose, clarity of vision and wholesomeness of intellect that we need to reinvent Islamic education. This requires completely revamping our education and our thinking about our education. It requires rewriting our textbooks and teaching plans from the lowest to the highest levels so they are infused with Islamic weltanschauung, the Islamic worldview.

Certainly that requires huge resources. But the bigger problem is that we have not yet realized that the hybrid model is not our destination. We have to set our sights on the integrated model. Then a practical solution will be that we begin with teacher training. Dedicated teachers can be trained into the new mode of thinking and using their central position in the education process they can also have a central role in the education revolution. Using the classroom experiences then can pave the way for rewriting of textbooks as the next step.

Footnotes:

[1] With the imperial government establishing monopoly over every possible trade (textiles, grains, tea, salt, sugar, indigo, transportation, communications --- you name it), it was the largest employer. It also had a huge administrative bureaucracy. Further its judiciary wiped out the system of qadi courts and concentrated the power of hiring the judges and administrative staff in the hands of the imperial government.

[2] The madrasa of Mulla Abdus Salam of Lahore.

[3] Gyan Prakash, “Another Reason: Science and the Imagination of Modern India”, New Jersey: Princeton University Press, 1999.

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Raising Children With Deen and Dunya

By Hina Khan MukhtarThis Article covers Parenting, Tarbiyah, Islam

Tried and tested tips from parents for raising Mumineen.

Tried and tested tips from parents for raising Mumineen.

I still vividly remember the first night I spent by myself in the hospital after delivering my eldest son Shaan. The guests were gone for the day, the hallway lights were dimmed, the nurses were speaking outside my room in muted tones.

“Knock, knock!” came a cheerful voice from the doorway. “Someone’s hungry and wants his mommy!”

The nurse wheeled in the crib that held my newborn, only a few hours old at the time. She cooed over him as I struggled to sit up, then efficiently handed him into my waiting arms, bustling out of the room after giving me a few words of encouragement.

I pulled the blanket away from his cheek and smiled in awe at this fragile, little creature who was being left alone with me for the first time ever. I felt privileged to be trusted with his care, overwhelmed with the weight of responsibility. No one was watching over my shoulder; he was all mine and I could do whatever I wanted.

I felt it was an appropriate time to take care of something that no one had thought of arranging so far — introductions.

“Assalaamu alaikum,” I whispered to the warm bundle nestled against my chest, “I’m your mommy.” I stroked his face and then asked the rhetorical question that every mother has asked since time immemorial. “Now…how am I going to raise you?”

It’s a question that I have continued to ask since that first magical night in the maternity ward.

I’ve asked it of grandparents, parents, sons, and daughters. I’ve asked it of Pakistanis, Indians, Afghans, Arabs, Americans, Asians, and Africans. I’ve sat people down at parties, emailed friends’ parents, called up aunties on the telephone, and stopped uncles on their way out the door. Any family whose practice of Islam has impressed me, any child whose manners have stunned me, any teenager whose conduct with his or her sibling has given me reason for pause, any adult whose balance of deen (religion) and dunya (world) has wowed me, I have accosted and asked,

“What exactly did your parents do with you?!” “How did you raise your children?!” “I beg you, tell me the secret of bringing up Mu’mineen (believers) like the ones I see in your home!”

What I have found in my years of “field research” is that nearly all of these families have stumbled upon the same basic secrets to success. While many of them don’t necessarily know one another, time and time again they have given me the same advice, the same tips, the same rules. I would catalogue their stories in my head, thinking I could easily remember them later. So when I was recently approached with the request for an article on Muslim parenting tips, I jumped at the chance to put it all down in writing and thus preserve the valuable insights I have gathered over the course of the past twelve years or so.

Here then, for my benefit and yours, are the tips from the “experts”, the tried-and-true heroes who have worked hard at (and, insha’Allah, succeeded at) securing their children’s minds, hearts, and souls. These words come from those parents — like you — whose primary purpose in life has been to direct their sons and daughters onto the Path they believe will earn them the Pleasure of their Creator and the respect of their fellow human beings. Some of the advice may seem “common sense”, the type you could hear on any daytime talk show or read in any self-help book. Other tips genuinely surprised me at how specific and unyielding they were in their insistence that “This is the only way”. While there has been a whole variety of advice given to me, I have noticed a pattern emerging where the same ten “Rules of the Game” seem to keep reappearing in different shapes and forms; those dominant tips are the ones that I have chosen to focus on for the purpose of my article.

I have seen with my own eyes children under the age of ten who willingly set their own alarms to get up for Tahajjud prayer. I have hosted a young soccer marvelin my home who begins his day before mine by reciting Quran at Fajr. I know of an Ivy League university student who insisted on turning the car around because she realized she had left home without giving her mother salaams (farewell wishes). I have been acquainted with doctors who make more money in a single month than most people make in a single year yet choose to live in small homes with no mortgages so that their salaries can be spent supporting scholars of Islam. My husband and I work with a young man who once flew with his mother from California to Jordan, then turned around and returned on the next flight home — all of this so that his single mother didn’t have to travel across the world alone. I have witnessed fourth graders who were able to sit quietly with impeccable etiquette in front of Muslim scholars while the adults around them stretched, yawned, and sighed. I have heard children silence their young friends with urgent reminders, “Don’t say that about him! It’s backbiting!”

A sign of someone whom Allah loves is that when you see him/her, you remember Allah. The examples I have listed here are all people who have caused me to wonder about my own station with Allah in relation to theirs; they have motivated me to at least try to change, to improve. I’m sure readers will agree that, although Allah Alone knows the hidden reality of hearts, these people at least seem to have triumphed both in their embodiment of the true spirit of Islam and in their practical participation in the dunya. I pray that Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala will continue to send examples like them into our lives so that we may continue to learn and implement that which draws us closer to Him. Aameen.

1.) Dua, Dua, Dua

“None of this is from us,” insists one mother of three UC Berkeley graduates who have never voluntarily missed a single prayer. “Everything begins and ends with dua. It is only by His Generosity that we have been blessed with believing children; we had nothing to do with it. Now that we have it, we try to hold onto it by showing gratitude and not taking it for granted.”

Every single family I have “interviewed” about raising children in this day and age inevitably began by reminding me about the power of supplication. “Every success I have seen in my family’s life, I can remember having prayed for it first,” admits one grandmother of three huffadh (memorizers of Quran). “If my dua doesn’t come true in this world, I have faith that it will in the next one, so I have patience.”

Another mother of four tells me, “I recited Surah Maryam every single day of my pregnancy. I want pious children above all else — it’s all that matters.”

A convert friend of mine suggests that couples who are about to embark on the path of parenthood should ask themselves, “Why do we even want children?” She believes in renewing one’s intentions on a daily basis. “Who are we doing this for?” When she gets embarrassed by something her children say or do, she questions herself, “Why am I upset? Is it because I’m afraid that they’re doing something displeasing to Allah? Or is it because I’m afraid that they’re displeasing people?”

Her unwavering dua is that her children live their lives seeking only His pleasure.

Many families shared with me their reliance on Salaat-ul-Istikhaara (Prayer for Guidance) before making any major life-altering decisions and Salaat-ul-Haajah (Prayer for Need) when desiring something they felt was crucial for their children’s well-being. Whenever a blessing appeared in their lives, they were quick to pray Salaat-ul-Shukr (Prayer of Gratitude) as well.

“All that I have is due to my mother’s duas,” believes one mother of five children. “She was the one who was always praying for us, even when we forgot to.”

2.) Suhba (companionship) will make you or break you. “There were times we sacrificed our own friendships in order to do what was best for our children,” a married couple of sixteen years tells me. When pressed for reasons why one would end a relationship, they explain, “Before we had children, we had friends who ‘drank socially’, who played poker, who hosted dance parties. Once our kids were born, we avoided those types of atmospheres. Our social gatherings are now the type where both the respected elders and the innocent children feel welcome and comfortable.”

“It doesn’t necessarily need to be that it’s the ‘drinking, gambling, partying crowd’ that is holding you back,” muses a mother of elementary school children upon hearing the couple’s history. “I have one set of ‘dinner party friends’ who believe in a ‘children should be seen and not heard’ philosophy. They plant the kids around TV sets and video games while the parents socialize in other rooms. Then I have another group of friends who engage their children in the adult conversations, who don’t keep the younger ones ‘out of sight, out of mind’. It might surprise you to learn that my own kids actually prefer to be around the adults who actually care enough to get to know them.”

“Sometimes I look around at the people I hang with and I think ‘What happened?’” laughs a mother who has chosen to homeschool her three kids. “None of these folks are the type I would have chosen as friends when I was younger, but I admire the way they live their lives and crave the peace and tranquility they trail behind them everywhere they go. They have a sense of purpose and an awareness of Allah in everything they do. I want to pass those qualities on to my own kids, so here we are.”

“Suhba is of the utmost importance. If you sleep with the dogs, don’t be surprised if you rise with the fleas,” a respected scholar advises. The words that struck me the hardest with their wisdom? “When you sit with People of the Dunya, you become a drop in their ocean, but when you sit with People of the Akhira (Hereafter), the dunya becomes a drop in your ocean.”

“A person is known by who their friends are,” my mother always reminded us. “Don’t ever assume that you are better than your friends. No! You are who your friends are.”

“I had a girlfriend whose company I really enjoyed,” remembers one mother wistfully. “She was the best person to share a cup of tea with, to go shopping with.” So what happened? “She and her husband decided that they weren’t going to raise their children as Muslims. Even though we liked each other a lot, we just didn’t see eye to eye on what was appropriate for kids. There were certain behaviors in her home that were complete anathema to us. I decided that I couldn’t have an independent friendship with the mom; at some point her kids were going to start influencing my kids, and we needed to part ways…so we did.”

One father confesses with a sheepish laugh, “I don’t know if our children are so God-conscious because of anything we necessarily did. My nieces are very spiritual young women, and my own daughters were always drawn to them. I think we got lucky that our children wanted to follow in their older cousins’ footsteps.”

“On the Day of Judgment, you’ll be standing with the ones you loved most in the dunya,” reminds another well-loved scholar, “so choose your friends wisely.”

More than one parent has gushed about the power a charismatic aunt or uncle, imam, halaqa (study circle) leader, or Sunday School teacher has had over their young ones. Many of the adults gave up a good portion of their weekends, driving long distances to take their children to gatherings and events where they hoped their children would benefit from being around like-minded people. “I firmly believe that no friends are better than bad friends,” states a father of five childen, “but I did go the extra mile to make sure that my kids did have friends with whom they connected.”

“Sometimes kids start to tune out what the parents say because it’s all been said before,” a mother of a middle schooler smiles. “My own parents told me to pray all my life, but it wasn’t until I connected with an articulate teacher who explained how prayer was for our benefit that I finally got the message…and it was my friends who led me to that teacher.”

“What better suhba is there than one who reminds another of the deen? Can there be a better ‘companion’ than the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam)?” asks a UCLA graduate married to a doctor who also does interfaith work for Islam.

A learned scholar was recently asked, “What should we teach our children?”, his response was swift and unequivocal — “The seerah (biography of the Prophet) and nasheeds (devotional songs of praise). If your kids love the Prophet, they will automatically love Allah.”

“The best way to call people to Islam is to have them fall in love with the Prophet,” insists another scholar. “Children should fear and love Allah, but teach them about the love first. They can learn about the fear when they’re older. And who loved Allah more than the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam)?”

An eight-year-old recently burst into tears when he realized that his mother had neglected to wake him up for the Fajr prayer. The adults who were present exchanged glances, wondering what kind of terror the parents must have driven into this young one’s heart. Was he afraid that Allah was going to punish him? Did he think he was going to burn in hell? Upon inquiry, the child revealed that the real cause of his distress was the knowledge that he had neglected something the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) took very seriously, something he had exhorted the believers about while on his death bed. Needless to say, the mother has been vigilant about waking her son on time for prayer ever since.

Many of the parents made it a regular part of the daily routine to recite the sunnah duas — the duas for beginning and ending meals, the duas for entering and leaving the home, the duas for waking and sleeping — until they became automatic. It isn’t a surprise for guests in their homes to see children as young as three reciting the dua for traveling as they get strapped into their car seats. “We didn’t minimize any sunnah in our home,” one Pakistani-American father tells me. “Once you start to think, ‘Oh, that sunnah isn’t a big deal; we can ignore it’, you’ve entered dangerous territiory. What comes next?”

In order to help his children learn the daily duas, this father neatly prints the supplications on index cards and posts them up all over the house until the kids have learned them by heart. I decided to follow his lead and taped up the dua for “looking at one’s reflection” on my sons’ bedroom mirror, completely forgetting to put a card on my own bathroom mirror. The result? My eleven-year-old now knows exactly what prayer to recite while brushing his hair for school, whereas I struggle to remember the Arabic words when getting ready in the morning.

“A co-worker recently asked me to name one thing that makes Islam different from other faiths,” my brother-in-law once shared with me. “Among other things, I told him that with Islam I got a prophetic example for how to live my day-to-day life. No other prophet’s life is so carefully recorded as our Prophet’s (salallaahu alaihi wasallam).”

With toddlers and pre-schoolers, I noticed that a lot of the parents mentioned the Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) as if he were a relevant person in their lives. They talked about him the way one would talk about any respected elder whom the child adored. It wasn’t unusual to hear parents telling their little ones, “The Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) loved green, so let’s wear our green clothes for Friday Prayer!” or “Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) taught us that we should sit down when we get angry, so let’s sit down since you’re feeling so frustrated.”

While visiting my sister in Southern California one weekend, I noticed that an English translation of Imam Tirmidhi’s “Shama’il” (Characteristics) sat on my six-year-old nephew’s beside table. She explained that it was part of their son’s bedtime ritual for her husband to share one hadith from that famous ninth century text with him. “Learning intimate details, like the fact the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) enjoyed eating dates with cucumbers, makes our son feel like he actually personally knows the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam).”

“Today’s generation is so fortunate, masha’Allah,” says one grandmother. “When our children were younger, there were hardly any quality Islamic literature or media out there. Today’s kids have so many choices! My grandchildren go through a different seerah book every year. They are constantly humming new songs about the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam). I pray that they always find joy in learning about (and then following) their Prophet, insha’Allah.”

4.) Having fun wasn’t “haraam” in our home, but we kept the home environment as pure as possible.

It would be extremely remiss of me if I failed to mention that every single family I interviewed emphasized the need to severely limit exposure to entertainment media — television in particular, but internet and video games included. There were some families who didn’t have a television set in the house at all, while there were others who allowed their children to watch an hour of pre-screened Saturday morning cartoons or an occasional family night movie. Computers were always stationed in a public area of the house where email exchanges and internet research were conducted on a set schedule under the watchful eyes of involved parents.

“If Shaytan (Satan) were to ring our doorbell and ask if he could come in and babysit our children, we would throw him out,” one scholar says, “yet we allow the television set to do exactly that…we literally invite Shaytan in when we turn the TV on!”

“Preserving my children’s fitra (primordial state) is of the highest priority to us,” one mother of two pre-schoolers tells me. “Right now, the difference between right and wrong is so clear in their eyes; they really get it when we explain what’s what to them. The entertainment industry’s depiction of what’s ‘normal’ manages to confuse adults, so just imagine what it does to children!”

“We’re Indian, but we never watched Bollywood films in our home,” a friend admits matter-of-factly. “We didn’t have bhangra dance parties; we didn’t wear revealing clothing like skimpy saris and sleeveless blouses; we weren’t allowed to be overly chummy with our guy cousins.”

Basically, what she’s letting me know is that what is often excused as “culture” was not allowed to contradict the Islamic shariah (sacred law) her parents taught her to respect.

“But don’t think we were bored or deprived!” she is quick to reassure me. “My parents inculcated in us a love of Urdu poetry. We read classic English literature aloud to one another in the evenings and went on father-daughter hikes in the mornings. My mother showed us how to garden, my father taught us how to fish. My brother had a paper route; the younger ones were Girl Scouts. We had a home life full of energy and activity.”

“It’s important to replace every haraam you stop your child from with at least two halaals they can enjoy,” advises a popular Muslim family counselor. “You don’t want your children to grow up thinking that Islam is just a bunch of no’s — ‘no, you can’t do this; no, you can’t do that.’” She laughs heartily, “Make it about ‘yes, we can!’”

I have a Yemeni friend who has taken that philosophy to heart with gusto. She and her husband may not throw birthday or New Year’s Eve parties, but you should see the festivities they do arrange. When her twins memorized the thirtieth juz (chapter of the Quran), the picnic in the park was enjoyed with two separate gourmet cakes and party favors for all. When this same brother-sister team went on to memorize the twenty-ninth juz, they came home from school to discover their bedrooms decorated with streamers and presents. My five-year-old son Raahim and his preschool buddies recently memorized twelve surahs under this auntie’s guidance, and she was quick to organize a party complete with a pinata, awards, balloons, and treats. With memories like these, Muslim adults are bound to look back on their childhoods as a time filled with celebrations, insha’Allah.

“There is so much fitna (tribulation) out there in the world. We can’t protect our kids from everything bad,” warns a devout grandfather of ten children. “But it is for that very reason that the home must be an oasis where Allah is remembered and obeyed, where children can relax and feel cherished, where they can practice their religion without feeling apologetic or alien. The home environment should be as halaal as possible. Our litmus test was always ‘Would we be ashamed if the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) were to walk into our house right now? Is there anything we would want to hide?’.”

The result of this family’s “test” was a tidy, simply furnished home where the television set was absent and books lined the shelves. Flowers bloomed outside every window, intricate Islamic calligraphy adorned the walls, and healthful food was served with generosity and enthusiasm to all who entered. The sense of serenity in the air was something tangible.

I’ll never forget what one daughter of a highly respected elder in the community told me when I asked her how her siblings remained so close to their parents despite being raised in a small town with only a handful of Muslims. Didn’t they ever rebel? How did they resist the siren song of the un-Islamic peer culture around them? “If you feel love in your home, you don’t look for it anywhere else.”

5.) Our parents didn’t just “talk the talk”, they “walked the walk”.

In other words, they practiced what they preached.

“I don’t get it when I hear mothers telling their kids ‘Don’t tell lies’ and then in thenext breath smoothly tell phone callers, ‘Oh, he’s not home right now’ when the husband is sitting right there in front of them,” says a medical school resident who is spending time learning Hanafi fiqh as well. “Or how about when parents teach their kids ‘It’s wrong to backbite’ and then complain about the in-laws to anyone who will listen? It’s just beyond me!”

When pressed for examples of not succumbing to hypocrisy in his own family life, he says that his parents taught him and his siblings the importance of prayer and then never allowed them to miss any, even if it meant praying in the middle of Disneyland. “Our dad taught us that while there might be a time for fun and play, it never comes at the expense of giving up our duties to Allah. And since he was always the first to stand up for prayer, we just naturally followed.”

Another experienced mother gave me this age-old advice, “You can teach your kids the rules of prayer all you want, but if you’re not going to pray, they’re not going to pray. Children learn from what their parents do, not just what they say.”

“But it’s not enough to just teach your children to pray,” interjects another mother who was raised a secular Jew but is now Muslim. “What about how you pray? Do you have presence in your prayer? Are you sad if you ever miss a prayer? Those lessons are all just as important as learning to pray.”

I was once working with an African-American convert friend when the time for Maghrib prayer came in. I had been busy taking care of some tasks, but I stopped and said, “Well, I guess I better go get my prayer out of the way.”

Startled, she looked up and then chuckled. “In our house, we say we’re going to get prayer ‘in the way’.”

SubhanAllah, what a difference one word makes! What a difference in attitude!

“I was sitting in my room reciting my morning dhikr while the kids were completing an art project in the family room,” an Egyptian friend shared with me the other day. “It suddenly struck me that I always recite my litanies in private, so I got up and joined them in their area of the house. They continued to paint while I continued with my prayers. They need to see me doing this…and they need to see me doing this happily.”

The other day one of my sons became frustrated while searching for an elusive pencil in the writing desk. He shoved papers aside and slammed the drawer shut when no pencil materialized, grumbling the entire time. I began to lecture him about the merits of patience when I realized that I had behaved in the exact same manner while looking for my keys a few days earlier. Children really are like sponges; they soak in everything around them. “Garbage in, garbage out,” cautions one teacher.

“Children need to see that Islam ‘worked’ in our home,” says another scholar. “Islam isn’t just about praying and fasting and charity. Islam is an attitude that must be infused in the mundane day-to-day dealings with life. Do parents treat each other with respect? How do they react to the ups and downs of life? Do they have a sense of civic responsibility? Children are constantly learning from their parents, even when the parents don’t think they have anything to teach.”

6.) I wasn’t afraid to be the Bad Guy, but I never behaved badly. I know more than one mother who doesn’t feel comfortable telling her child to pray or maybe to dress more modestly, thinking that her kid will be “mad” at her if she starts holding him/her to higher standards. I know of a couple of fathers who have turned a blind eye to certain immoral behaviors witnessed in their teenagers, never once speaking out, telling their exasperated wives, “I don’t want to judge our kids. It’s a tough age and they have to fit in.”

The adults I’ve asked for parenting advice had no qualms about upsetting their children from time to time.

“There were times when I knew that I shouldn’t go to this place or go out with that person, but I would ask Ammi anyway, wanting her to be the one to put her foot down…and she always did,” remembers my brother. “Kids want their parents to set limits and be authority figures, even if they won’t admit it.”

“I enjoy my children’s company; we laugh together, we read the same books, we even share each other’s clothes,” chuckles one mother of two teenage daughters who race to give up their seats for her. “But at the end of the day, they know that I am their Mother. I am friendly with them, but they cannot treat me like a girlfriend.”

“Weakness in those who are supposed to be in a position of authority only invites contempt,” contends a mother of two. “It’s important to know who’s boss.”

One father of four and former high school valedictorian looks back on his youth and laughs appreciatively, “My mother didn’t worry about not ‘rocking the boat’ when we were in high school. She was willing to capsize the boat if she found us doing something that wasn’t okay with her!”

Other parents impressed upon me the importance of having high expectations of their children. “We have to gently push kids out of their comfort zones,” an Afghan father says. “If you expect more, your kids will often pleasantly surprise you, but it’s important to communicate those expectations.”

A single mother I know always assumed that her children would eventually begin praying simply because they saw that prayer was a priority for her. When a friend asked her why her ten-year-old daughter didn’t join the other girls for prayer, this mom realized that she had never communicated her hopes to her own daughter. “It was only a matter of discussing it!” she exclaims with genuine surprise. “I sat her down for a serious ‘grown-up’ talk. I said, ‘Honey, you’re older now and prayer needs to be a regular part of your routine.’ She listened so attentively! When Asr came in, she ran to get her prayer rug and misbaha (prayer beads) and joined me for salaah. She’s the one who wakes me for Fajr now. It’s almost as if she was just waiting for me to tell her, ‘This is what I expect of you’.”

While these parents were quick to lay down the law with their children, there was one “old world law” that nearly all of them shied away from — corporal punishment. “We did not hit our children,” most of them say adamantly.

“Well, there might be a place for a good old-fashioned spanking every now and then,” argues a mother of four college students. “When my daughter was four years old, she ran out in public without her underwear on for the umpteenth time. In my opinion, it was too dangerous to let her keep getting away with that kind of behavior, so I finally let her have it. She got the message and never forgot it…and I never had to spank her again.”

Physically beating your children for the simplest infractions seemed to be an acceptable mode of discipline a generation or so ago. The parents I spoke with are loath to raise their hands on their kids. “Every time you hit your kids, you have to keep upping the levels,” a financial analyst tells me. “I knew of a parent who used to twist her kids’ ears. After a while, that had no effect, so she started smacking them on their hands. When the desired behaviors were no longer obtained using that method, she resorted to swatting them on their bottoms and shaking them in frustration. I mean, where does it end?”

I spent a good portion of the afternoon just yesterday baking banana crumb muffins from scratch. I offered one to a son of mine and sent him out on the back deck to enjoy his snack. As I watched in horror from the kitchen window, I saw him breaking off big chunks of the fresh muffin and forcefully slamming them down on to the floorboards outside. I rushed out the door and surveyed the crumbs all over the deck, the same deck I had washed just that morning. “What are you doing?!” I screeched.

He looked up in surprise. “Oh.”

“WHAT are you doing?!”

“I’m trying to kill a spider that’s bothering me.”

I clenched my hands at my side and whispered through gritted teeth, “Son, please walk away from me right now. I’m very upset and I am sure that I will spank you if you are near me and this mess. I need time to cool off, so you better run.”

His eyes grew wide and he scampered off.

I’m so grateful that Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala allowed me to restrain myself in that moment of anger. The crumbs were easily swept up, there were still plenty of muffins left, my son learned his lesson about not wasting food (and not killing innocent spiders in their natural habitat), and I was eventually able to laugh at his logic for dealing with arachnids…but only after an hour had passed. Letting out my frustration on him by hitting him might have felt good in that moment, but the resulting misery would have lasted much longer…for the both of us.

7.) I always kept them close by.

I wasn’t surprised to see that nearly all of the families I spoke with had the mother at home caring for the children, but I was shocked by how many of the families shared the same steadfast rule — “No sleepovers.”

“Every night I know which bed my kid is sleeping in,” says a homeschooling mom of two and wife of a university professor. “And that bed is one I can check on whenever I want.”

“Friends were always welcome to come to our home for sleepovers,” reminisces a young woman who grew up with a twin brother. “My mom went all out — popcorn during midnight games of Monopoly, pancakes for breakfast, privacy for chatting and giggling late into the night. But we could never sleep in anyone else’s home unless our parents were there with us.”

“I saw too many weird things in other friends’ homes when I was younger…and that was just during the daytime,” remembers an attorney and father of three. “The first time my best friend saw a dirty magazine was when he spent the night at his neighbor’s house. I might have resented their strictness a bit when I was younger, but in my heart I knew that my parents were right to keep us in our clean, safe, and cozy home.”

“I never let them go far from me when they were little,” explains a mother of two when asked by me how to raise a dutiful son like hers. “My kids could have gone on camping trips and overnight field trips with other parents as chaperones, but unless my husband or I were there, they didn’t go. My husband was once willing to consider a prestigious boarding school for one of our ‘gifted’ children, but I said, ‘No way.’ I just couldn’t let my family be split in different directions; the time we had with them was already short enough.”

“No nannies or day-cares for our family,” says a grandmother of five. “And don’t think that I wasn’t tempted! I raised three babies on my own without any help; I didn’t have parents or in-laws nearby. A one-income-family meant that we only took local vacations and drove second-hand cars. We lived in a small home. I went back to work only after the kids were in school, but I was always at home in time to greet them with a smile, a hug, and an after-school snack. Even now, my grown children tell me that the smell of peanut butter and jelly gives them a feeling of security.”

Another mother of four, who is able to afford live-in help, made an agreement with her husband long ago that while the maid would be available to help with laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping, all of the actual food preparation and childcare would be done exclusively by the parents. “My husband thinks dinner comes together by ‘magic’,” laughs this stay-at-home mom with a master’s degree in business. “But, masha’Allah, he is very helpful with the children, so I get my fair share of ‘breaks’. When we need a night out for ourselves, we rely on the grandparents or my sister…but never strangers.”

8.) We didn’t spoil our kids nor did we praise them too much.

“It’s important to me that my kids don’t grow up ingrained in this Sibling Society,” a college professor and father of three tells me.

When asked the definition of a “sibling society”, he explains that it’s the environment where grown adults behave and are treated like children. “We’ve extended adolescence where we excuse bad behavior by saying, ‘Oh, he’s just going through that rebellious phase. He’s only sixteen; he’ll outgrow it.’ Outgrow it when? Throughout history, puberty has been considered the onset of adulthood; nowadays we have university graduates who behave like babies — tantrums, irresponsible behavior, no sense of accountability.”

This father celebrates his children’s birthdays every year by giving them a new toy…and a new duty. “When my son turns seven, he’ll get that monster truck he’s been craving, but he’ll also get a new responsibility for the year — he has to make sure that all the doors in the house are locked before going to bed.”

He and his wife believe that having responsibilities, even small ones, inculcates in children a sense of contribution and chivalry.

I was recently given cause to reflect when a friend of mine politely refused an invitation for her daughter to recite her award-winning poem at a masjid event. “Masha’Allah, she has received a lot attention and praise this past week for that poem,” she sighed. “The other day she just happened to be interviewed for a local science program on television too. I just don’t think it’s beneficial for her nafs (ego) to be in the spotlight too much, so I’m going to have to say ‘no’.”

This mother believes that praise becomes “cheap” when it is given for that which children have no control over; she feels that kids should have to “earn” the praise that comes their way. “What’s the point in telling a child who always gets A’s, ‘You’re so smart’? Or telling a pretty child, ‘You’re so beautiful’? Telling a child who’s struggled through an assignment, ‘I’m proud of how hard you worked on that difficult worksheet’ is so much more meaningful.”

One mother who is often asked the secret behind her kids’ contentment with life has this theory to offer: “It’s actually something I’ve discovered by accident. We have never been motivated to buy the latest gadgets and gizmos for our kids. To compensate for the things that we won’t buy, we give them something that’s free yet still very valuable — our time. I bake with them, their dad wrestles. We snuggle on the couch and read together. I think they’re rarely dissatisfied with material goods because they are just so grateful for what little they do get. They don’t have a sense of entitlement. And since whining has never worked anyway, they just don’t bother.”

The father adds, “Well, to be honest, we are spoiling them, except that we’re spoiling them with something that’s lasting, not fleeting — our love.”

9.) Talk to your kids…with love.

I was once singing “Rain, rain, go away; Come again another day; Shaan and Ameen want to play” with my kids when my brother interrupted us.

“Don’t teach them that! Rain is a blessing! You don’t want them rejecting blessings just because they want ‘fun’,” he rebuked me.

After experimenting with the lyrics, we ended up singing, “Rain, rain, pour, pour, pour; You’re a mercy from our Lord; Rain, rain, fall on me; I turn to Allah gratefully.” To this day, whenever dark clouds dampen a day that they had hoped to spend outside, my kids console one another by saying, “It’s okay. California needs the rain. Allah is being Kind to us.”

This suggestion by my brother is a reminder of another piece of advice that families have repeatedly given me — “Never miss out on a teaching moment.”

“When your kids are younger, you should take advantage of every opportunity to guide them, remind them, advise them,” instructs an Iraqi father of two girls. “Of course, there’s a fine line between nagging and teaching, between being judgmental and being perceptive. Nevertheless, I encourage my children to look at everything through ‘the eye of discernment’. What does everything around us mean? Why is that billboard saying that their brand of soda will guarantee a successful party? What was the real reason that car driver honked his horn like that? Why does this movie make parents look like bumbling fools? Is having to wait in a long line ever a reason to lose your temper with a bank teller? Talk, talk, talk to your kids! Even if they don’t say anything, believe me, they’re listening!”

“I want to get my ‘voice’ into my kids’ heads while they’re young,” says one mom. “There are so many forces competing for our kids’ minds; I want to get in while I can. There will come a time when we all have to let go, but I’m hopeful that my children will always remember their root values once they’re out on their own, insha’Allah.”

The families I’ve admired have all made a point of being “present” with their children, answering their questions patiently and respectfully, not getting annoyed with their seemingly random thoughts, laughing appreciatively at their jokes, and maintaining eye contact when the children wanted to chat. The kids feel that they can ask any question and discuss any subject without any judgment on the part of the parents.

“You know that cliche ‘There’s no such thing as a dumb question’?” asks a Persian friend who is also a Fulbright scholar. “Well, that was always true in our family. I could ask my mom anything, and I was always confident that I would get an honest answer. There were times when I was told that I would have to wait a bit before she was ready to teach me certain truths, but I was able to be patient because I knew that the truth was eventually coming.”

Another respected family counselor cautions parents to beware the trap of “over-talking and over-respecting” your sons and daughters. “Children are little people with little hearts and they need to be treated with dignity and respect so that their feelings aren’t hurt,” she admits. “But there’s no need to explain and justify every little thing to your child — ‘Honey, please, you need to let me do this so that then I can do that. And once I do that, I’ll be able to take care of this. And once I do this, then I can read to you. Is that all right?’…No! Sometimes you just need to make it clear to the child: ‘Because I said so’…And they need to be okay with that too.”

An Arab girlfriend once described how her mother would react when she and her siblings misbehaved as children. “May Allah guide you!” she would yell in anger. “May Allah have mercy on all of us!” The inevitable result was that her daughter grew up to be a mother of twins who now prays for her children instead of cursing them when she is at the height of her own frustration.

Just today Shaan told me about how his younger cousin reacted after he watched Ameen splatter a mud ball against a wooden fence. “Mama, he yelled, ‘SubhanAllah! Allahu Akbar!’” my son related with amusement. “He’s just like his dad; he says the same things Khaloo (Uncle) does.”

10.) They had a pious father who engaged them.

Yes, there are pious mothers who have raised wonderful Muslim kids despite having husbands who not only didn’t support them, but even disapproved of their attempts to teach their kids the basics about the deen. And there are single moms who are doing an incredible service to the Ummah by sacrificing, striving, and successfully raising the next generation of believers. We all are more than aware that the mother is the first madrassa (school). And there are examples after examples of mothers who spend the night on the prayer mat weeping in prostration for the future of their families; their secrets are known only to Allah.

But over and over I have seen lackadaisical mothers with pious husbands…and the kids have turned towards their fathers like flowers to the sun. How many of us know of young adults who roll their eyes at their mothers’ religiosity while holding their “fun-loving”, worldly, secular fathers up as paragons of rationalism and intelligence? There is a power that fathers have over their offspring, the depth of which we can never fully comprehend; the truth manifests itself when we witness which parent the kid most often chooses to emulate.

A majority of the families I spoke with extolled the virtues of the Amir of the House: the man who led his children in congregational prayer, the father who gently but firmly encouraged both his son’s and his daughter’s sense of modesty, the husband who fulfilled his wife’s rights without demanding his own, the responsible breadwinner, the dad who put a stop to gossip the moment it started, the patriarch who was eager to hasten to the masjid to join the jama’ah (congregation), the Muslim who held fast to his principles (whether it was a father who refused to allow his co-workers to shorten his name from “Mohammad” to “Mo” or the dad who wouldn’t travel on Fridays so that his Jumah prayer wouldn’t be jeopardized). The grown children remember their father’s integrity and quiet examples long after they have entered parenthood on their own, voluntarily choosing to mold their own lives in honor of a man who didn’t force his way of life down their throats when they were younger.

“My mother lectured and taught and scolded and reminded us the entire time we were growing up,” one mother of three sons remembers with amusement. “My father told me maybe only five things related to the deen my whole life…and yet I remember every single one; I’ve never forgotten. I only wish he had shared his thoughts with me more often.”

Back in junior high school, I remember repeating the words of an older cousin as I was studying for an exam at the kitchen table. “If only Allah allows me to get an A on this final, I’ll pray a hundred rakaats to Him in gratitude,” I sighed as I turned yet another page.

My father looked up from his newspaper. “Allah doesn’t need your prayers,” he gently chided. “If you want to get an A, study hard and pray for His help at the same time. You don’t need to bribe Allah.”

Years later, I sat in the class of a learned shaykh and took down these notes of instruction: “Don’t be mercantile in your religion. Lose the attitude of ‘Pay me and I’ll worship You.’”

The truth resonated with me because I had already heard it from the lips of my beloved father twenty-five years earlier.

In conclusionWhile I have always been a fan of “how to” and “top ten” lists, I have never allowed myself to be deluded into believing that there are any guarantees for raising righteous children. It hasn’t been lost on me that the greatest man in humanity, the Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam), was intially raised by a single mom…and that too after being sent away to live amongst the bedouins in the desert while still an infant. Many of the “rules” here didn’t apply to his blessed life. His was a singular circumstance, having been raised by Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala Himself. All we can do is try to lay out a safe framework in hopes of trying to reach what he (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) reached through Allah’s largesse.

If we want to be successful at something, it behooves us to look at those who have succeeded before us. Each of us has something we can learn from the experiences of another.

There may be some who will read through the list of tips I have collected and think, “We didn’t do any of those things, yet our kids turned out just fine!”

To them, I say, “Alhamdulillah!” It’s true that there are many kids who didn’t have a single one of these “rules” applied to their lives, and, by the Grace and Mercy of Allah, have developed into exemplary Muslims.

And without going into unnecessary details, I will say that I have also seen the most pious, practicing, loving parents be disappointed by their children at every turn. These parents are in the company of prophets like Prophet Adam and Prophet Nuh (upon whom be peace) who had sons who rejected their teachings — yet these were fathers who were from among the best of humanity, parents who were in a constant state of supplication and prayer, who received guidance from Above. We can only pray that Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala will not test us through our children the way He tested these great men and their wives. It’s interesting to note that many of the men and women in my article have confessed that there were times they felt that they had failed in their duties as parents but took heart knowing that with Allah’s Help all obstacles could be overcome. Eventually, they all came to the conclusion that there was only “so much” they could do; they needed to submit to Allah’s will.

There is great comfort in knowing that parents will be rewarded not for how our children “turn out” but for the intentions we had while raising them, for the steps we took to facilitate their deeni success. All we can do is take the means; the end is up to Allah. “Even if one’s kids go astray,” advises a scholar, “one should always leave a ‘door’ open for them and pray that they will one day ‘come back’. We should never cut off relations; we should never despair of Allah’s Mercy and Guidance.”

“Parenting and living in this dunya is such a struggle,” reflects one friend. “We have aspirations of who we want to be as parents and we strive to achieve them, and then are saddened by seeing our failures. I guess it’s really about the courage to continue to renew one’s intentions and to pray for tawfiq (success).”

None of the parents I interviewed felt “safe” or believed that they had won and were now done with their work. They continued to pray for daily tawfiq long after everyone had started lauding them for the fine job they had done raising their children. “It doesn’t matter how wonderfully we live our lives,” says one local scholar and father of two girls. “What really matters is how we end our lives (husn al-khatima)…we’re not safe until we die with imaan (faith) in our hearts.”

It is with that knowledge that we pray that Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala grants us the dua for “a pure progeny” that He granted Prophet Ibrahim, Prophet Zakariya, and the mother of Maryam (upon them all be peace) in the Holy Quran. We pray that we are able to be worthy teachers for our children who will carry this noble religion on, a precious trust to be handed from one generation to the next. May we not be “the weak link”. Aameen.

“O my Lord! Make me one who establishes regular Prayer, and also (raise such) among my offspring. O our Lord! And accept Thou my Prayer. O our Lord! Cover (us) with Thy Forgiveness — me, my parents, and (all) Believers, On the Day that the Reckoning will be established!” ~ The Holy Quran (14:40)

Miscellaneous recommendations

As far as seerah literature for the young is concerned, I have found that Leila Azzam’s “Life of the Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alaihi wasallam)” adequately fits all of my family’s needs. A summary of Martin Ling’s excellent adult version of the Prophet’s biography, this book is often used to teach university students, so one can rest assured that it is written with an eye for proper grammar and punctuation, something sadly missing in many of our children’s Islamic textbooks today. Parents of younger kids need not worry that the material might be too sophisticated for their little ones; my friend was able to use this same book to teach my preschool-aged son and his friends about the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam). One can only imagine my delight when my five-year-old repeatedly turned to me in the middle of my adult Seerah class at the mosque to excitedly tug on my arm and whisper, “Hey, I know about Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) saying ‘Ahad, ahad’!…Mama, I learned about Buraq in my class!…Guess what? Auntie just taught us about Ghar-e-Thawr today!”

On the topic of Islamic media, it is my pleasure to introduce readers to a relatively new nasheed artist on the scene known as “Talib al-Habib”. His beautiful nasheed, “Songs of Innocence”, never fails to bring tears to my eyes. The lyrics of that one song contain all of the advice any parent would want to pass on to his/her child, speaking to the hearts of mothers and fathers everywhere, a beautiful summation of all of our hopes and desires for our children. Time and time again, I have found continuous benefit in his music set only to a daff (hand drum). I was recently reviewing some of the basic points of aqueedah (Islamic creed) with my children, encouraging them to memorize a list of points, when they suddenly began singing the words to Talib al-Habib’s “Iman: Articles of Faith”. I realized then that I didn’t need to teach them anything on that subject; they had already unwittingly memorized the articles of faith set to a sweetly melodic tune. I know I speak on behalf of all parents when I emphasize how rewarding it is to discover so-called “entertainment” which ends up being an instrument for instruction as well.

COPYRIGHT HINA KHAN-MUKHTAR 2010. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Home is where the school is.

By Naureen AqeelThis Article covers Homeschooling

In a society where the educational rat race is so intense that parents begin registering their kids in the best primary schools before they’re even born, some trailblazing parents have taken the road less travelled.

In a society where the educational rat race is so intense that parents begin registering their kids in the best primary schools before they’re even born, some trailblazing parents have taken the road less travelled.

While harried moms in her neighbourhood rush to pack off their kids to school every morning, Sadaf Farooqi’s day starts on a relaxed note. Her six-year-old daughter A’isha Irfan rises early, makes her own breakfast and starts the day by unleashing her creativity using pencils, colours, water colours, scissors and paper. A’isha later switches to reading one of the books from her curriculum set, going to her mother for questions whenever she feels the need. Her four-year-old brother Abdullah Irfan soon joins her; he scribbles with colour pencils, experiments with Lego and peppers his mother with numerous questions throughout the day.

A’isha and Abdullah do not go to school, for them their home is their school — a place where they are free to learn in a natural setting. But that’s not because they have special needs or couldn’t get into a ‘normal’ school. Sadaf, a freelance writer and blogger, has been homeschooling her kids for over a year now and says she prefers this unconventional approach to schooling.

She follows the official Oxford University Press curriculum with books for Maths, English, Urdu, Social Studies, General Science and Islamiat along with daily Quran lessons, but prefers to let her children choose what they want to study. She says this approach hones the children’s natural inclination to learn.

Sadaf’s not the only one who has decided to opt out of the system. The Irfans are part of a community of like-minded parents who are choosing to homeschool their children. The concept, though relatively new in Pakistan, is gaining popularity among families who are dissatisfied with the traditional schooling system and prefer being more involved in their children’s education. Parents like the Irfans got together and formed the Pakistan Home Education group which consists of an online community with approximately 150 members comprising homeschooling parents and those interested in home education. They also launched a quarterly magazine focusing on their activities and various issues related to home education.

The group, comprising of roughly 20 homeschooling families, also holds regular social events where moms and children get together for combined social activities and support. Such meetings are held every second Monday of the month at someone’s home where kids play with each other and moms discuss problems and solutions, and Bookworm’s Book Club is held weekly and consists of story-telling followed by craft activities and snacks.

Laila Brence, a Latvian convert to Islam and a former teacher herself, was the pioneer of the Pakistan Home Education group. “I feel that I am more in control of what is going on in the lives of my kids than I would be by sending them to school,” says Laila, who is currently in her seventh year of homeschooling two kids with a third baby in line. “The schooling experience has greatly changed since I myself went to school. These days, kids don’t have the time to be kids any more. Society puts so much pressure on them to become high-achievers that their own life gets lost somewhere in the rat race.” Laila says that she is glad her kids are getting plenty of time to do the things they want to do and enjoy doing. “Even boredom is a great opportunity for creativity and spontaneity — they always invent new games to play and come up with endless art projects of their own.”

For Sadaf, one of the big motivations of opting for homeschooling was the whole school routine, which involves, “ironing the uniforms and laying them out along with shoes and socks at night; packing the bag according to the timetable; forcing the child to finish her homework; making and packing the lunch in the mornings, forcing a few mouthfuls down a reluctant mouth, then sending off a sometimes mildly sick, or screaming toddler with a tear-ridden face, to school with a heavy heart and a shackled mind that never ‘dared’ to question the necessity of this so-called ‘must-have’ system of education”.

Despite these misgivings (which other parents might share as well), she didn’t seriously consider homeschooling until she met a few mothers who were educating their children at home in Karachi.

Homeschooling does not come without its fair share of critics. From the incredulous stares that these parents get every time they say their children are being educated at home to the reasonable arguments in favour of formal schooling, homeschooling families do get a lot of flak. Critics fault the system for isolating children, reducing confidence levels and limiting their interaction to only like-minded people and groups.

“Homeschooling does not set them apart from the real world — schools do,” rebuts Laila. “In schools, kids are grouped into unnatural age-wise segregated situations, which never occur in the real world. Homeschooled kids experience the reality of this world — they deal with their family members, household issues, relatives and friends of different ages. And, of course, as kids grow older, we will look for opportunities for them to do more things outside of home — sports activities, workshops, etc.” Laila finds that homeschooling gives her children an advantage as she can choose the people they interact with. “In the formative years, it is of utmost importance to have good role models around, which would help to strengthen their core values. When they get older, I don’t mind that they face difficult situations and people on their own — I hope by that time their own internal values will be developed enough to withstand peer-pressure, bullying and other negatives of our society,” she explains.

Atefa Jamal, a homeschooling mother of seven, says her kids get a fair share of interaction with the outside world. The four boys are attending Taekwondo classes thrice a week, the elder two also participate in scrabble competitions and during the summers, the kids get to choose from a wide variety of summer camp activities. This summer, they chose to take Arabic classes and swimming classes. “I also send my older kids out to buy groceries,” says Atefa. “They meet a lot of different people and learn to deal with bakers, butchers, the driver or the man down the street who comes for groceries at the same time they do. It’s a misconception that you are isolating them, that you will choose their friends. That doesn’t happen; you can’t control your children’s lives. My kids go out to bike and play in the park; they are attending swimming, Quran and Taekwondo classes. I think they actually end up meeting more real people in everyday roles and interact more realistically.”

But what about the absence of a formal curriculum? Do institutes not know what they are doing when they invest great amounts of money and time in designing a curriculum? And are parents skilled in all subjects that are required to be taught?

“There is a misconception that homeschooling means you have to do it all by yourself and that you have to do it all at home,” says Atefa. “There are so many books available and it’s not like tuitions are not an option. Homeschooling merely means that the parents are more actively involved in their children’s education. If you feel you can’t do something you can always try to learn it yourself and search on the internet or you can get tuitions for your child for a particular subject.”

Every few days, Atefa sits down and draws up a plan of what she and her husband want to achieve with the children. Atefa is quick to say that the learning is flexible and that there isn’t any fixed schedule. “The learning is more need and situation-based,” she says. “For example, when we got a kitten, we researched how to take care of it. When the kitten died, which was a traumatic experience for the kids, we discussed death, souls and the hereafter.”

As the children grow older, some parents prefer making the routine more structured with fixed slots for studying different subjects as in school. Many homeschooled children appear as private candidates to get the required certifications of O and A levels or matriculation after which they choose a college for formal degrees. Zahra Omer, who is currently in the second year of her textile design degree at Indus Valley, has passed successfully through a homeschooling experience and is in no way behind her peers. Zahra, along her with her two brothers, was homeschooled till Class 6 after which she was enrolled in a mainstream school. During her homeschooling years, Zahra developed a reading habit that kept her well ahead of her peers. She ended up with seven As and three Bs in her O levels and straight As in her A levels. Asked if she had any problem adjusting with conventional schooling when she joined in Class 7, Zahra says “I didn’t have a problem adjusting. Everyone was very nice and cooperative. In fact, when I went to school it was a step back from the level I was at. Even when I gave the entrance test I faced no problem. I never felt my base was weak in any subject except for Urdu which we weren’t taught at home regularly. But I was given extra attention at school for Urdu and I caught up by the next grade. The only difference I encountered at school was the competition among students. At home, there was no competition.”

Homeschoolers say home education nurtures the natural genius and focuses on passion over requirement as children aren’t forced to study subjects they have no interest in, nor are they made to feel dumb if they can’t achieve certain targets.

Maintaining discipline may be a challenge at times, but parents like Sadaf view the naughty “pranks” as disguised learning through “experimentation” with different materials. “I do not have a TV at home and I do not live in a joint family, so I have no problem in ‘controlling’ the amount of television viewing or other distractions. Our home is crawling with children’s books, materials and toys, so my children get to unleash their creativity without restraint.”

Anila Omer, Zahra Omer’s mother, however, says she never had a problem maintaining discipline at home despite having a television. “I would choose which movies or cartoons to show to my children and we would watch those,” she says. “Since they were homeschooled from the beginning, there was no outside influence that would make them disobedient or naughty.”

However, the idea of homeschooling is still unfathomable to a majority of parents. Kamila, mother of four-year-old Orhan and a teacher herself, expressed surprise when told that families were opting to educate their children at home in Pakistan. “I wouldn’t choose to homeschool my child, not in this country,” she says. “Schools offer children a routine and exposure that they don’t get at home. You can’t keep your kids in a bubble. I want my kid to get the kind of exposure that school gives because life isn’t easy. When you are at school, you get different perspectives through different teachers. When you are studying from only one person your mind is stuck in a rut. I don’t want that for my child.”

Although mothers are more involved in the homeschooling process (with many moms having given up full-time jobs to homeschool their children), support from fathers is considered a necessity. Atefa’s husband Azeem Pirani says his focus is to give time to his children whom he calls his “team”. His time is utilised in discussions about current affairs at meal times, regular visits to the swimming pool with them, involvement in matters relating to vacations, events etc, guidance and coaching in academic matters requiring further support and being part of the audience or judges for any presentations they may be working on.

Azeem feels the fact that homeschooling is less expensive allows the family to spend on more beneficial things like family vacations, getting books or materials from abroad and getting memberships for clubs allowing better access to sports facilities etc. “The educational value of visiting new places is many times greater than sitting in a classroom and listening to a teacher who is there just because she needs a job and not due to any desire to impart knowledge to our children,” he says.

Azeem feels the decision to homeschool his seven children has been a very positive one. “We have been able to interact more as a family. The children are able to have their lives revolve around their family rather than around their schools. This in and of itself means a strong and close-knit unit.”

However, homeschooling is not for everyone, warns Laila. “Schools are very much necessary for families that for various reasons cannot homeschool. I always advise new families not to take this step, unless they are sure they are ready for it. Excitement over the advantages of homeschooling may push families to go for it when they are not ready — this way, they may end up disappointed. Researching about home education and evaluating the situation of your family is necessary before taking this step. It is also important that both spouses agree on this mission — if only one is for it, the tasks may prove to be very difficult.”

If all parents homeschooling their kids in the country possess the same spirit and vision as these families, we might just be witnessing the beginnings of a new movement in education in Pakistan.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, October 9th,2011.

Correction: An earlier version of this article incorrectly stated the name of the parent.

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Interview with the wife of Shaikh Uthaymeen

By Dr. Saleh As-SalehThis Article covers Parenting, Tarbiyah, Islam

Lessons from the life of a great scholar and how he was with his children.

Lessons from the life of a great scholar and how he was with his children.

1. Unnecessary Talking Umar Ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, said: 'A person who talks too much is a person who often makes mistakes, and someone who often makes mistakes, often has wrong actions. The Fire has a priority over such a frequent sinner.'

2. Unrestrained Glances It has been related that the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wassallum once said words to the effect:'The glance is a poisoned arrow of shaytan. Whoever lowers his gaze for Allah, He will bestow upon him a refreshing sweetness which he will find in his heart on the day that he meets Him.'

3. Too Much Food Al-Miqdam ibn Ma'd Yakrib said:'I heard the Messenger of Allah say:'The son of Adam fills no vessel more displeasing to Allah than his stomach. A few morsels should be enough for him to preserve his strength. If he must fill it, then he should allow a third for his food, a third for his drink and leave a third empty for easy breathing.'

4. Keeping Bad Company Allah's Apostle said:'The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is I like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith's bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell thereof.'

Extract from the book 'Purification of the Soul'

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Shaping the future - A call to parents

By Yasmin MogahedThis Article covers Parenting, Tarbiyah, Islam

One hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove ... but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.
This anonymous poem reflects much of the sentiment taught by our beloved Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, 1400 years ago.

One hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove ... but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.
This anonymous poem reflects much of the sentiment taught by our beloved Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, 1400 years ago.

One hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove ... but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.

This anonymous poem reflects much of the sentiment taught by our beloved Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, 1400 years ago.

The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said,"If the son of Adam dies, his actions are ceased except three: A continuing charity, knowledge which benefits others, or a righteous son who supplicates for him." (Muslim and Ahmed)

In our graves, our wealth will be of no benefit to us. The success of our careers, and the level of our degrees will be of no value. How well we raised our children will. And yet so much of our time, so much of our learning and our efforts are spent for the sake of those things, which are fleeting. ??In another hadeeth the Prophet, sallal lahu alayhe wa sallam, said,

"A servant will have his rank raised and will say: `O my Lord how has this come about for me?' He says, `Through your sons after you seeking forgiveness for you."' (Ahmed and Ibn Majah)

When we leave this world, what will we leave behind? What mark will we make? What will we send forward? What will we take? Our children will inherit this life. In their hands may lay our ultimate salvation-or our ultimate ruin. In their hands may lay the ulti mate salvation or ruin of our Ummah. Shouldn't something that important demand our full?attention? Shouldn't we examine ourselves and do our utmost to perfect this crucial skill: parenting.

Do not impose, instill love early Imagine a child raised in a home where, aside from some cultural norms, Islam is essentially irrelevant. Parents are not serious about salah and whatever Islamic practice they do per form is done more out of ethnic customs than Islam. Now imagine the child reaches puberty. A girl who was never really instilled with Islam before, is now forced to wear hijab. A boy whose life was never centered around Islam is now made to attend Salatul-Jumuah. Will it surprise any one if those kids rebel? Consider, on the other hand, a child who was raised knowing and loving Qur'an, was taken to the masjid early on, and performed salah alongside his parents. Would hijab or Salatul Jumuah need to be imposed? Or would it only be a natural extension for a child whose very nature is Islam? Instill and reinforce love for Allah and His Messenger from the day they are born.

Kill your television and video games Many parents monitor what their children watch, but not how much. No matter how much you monitor, these things are still harmful for a number of reasons. First, watching television is a learned habit that does not disappear in adulthood. A young child could agree to watch Sesame Street. But chances are, a teenager will not. And few could disagree that television programs designed for teenagers and adults contain far from Islamically appropriate content. Secondly, consider the number of hours that are easily eaten up by TV and video games. Children can literally stay up the entire night playing a video game in order to advance to a higher level. Consider the words of our Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, concerning the importance of time:

"The feet of a servant will not turn away on the Day of judgment until he is asked about four things: his life time, how he lived it; his youth, how he spent it; his wealth, from where he earned it and on what he spent it, and his knowledge and how he put it to work." (Tirmithi)

Lastly, studies show that irrespective of content, children who spend a lot of time with television and video games are more aggressive, less likely to read, and more likely to develop attention problems, such as attention deficit disorder.

"Spoil" your kids with love, time and attention One unfortunately pervasive myth is that giving children "too much" love, time and affection "spoils" them. This could not be farther from the truth. It is trying to give them other things to replace your love, time and affection, which in fact spoils them. Children who are "spoiled" with love and attention become the most generous, loving ?and giving of people. Those from whom this love and attention was withheld, often become narrow hearted and unwilling to give. No one was more merciful and showed more affection to children than our beloved Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam. He, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, was once visited by Al Aqra' ibn Habis. He, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, lifted Al-Hassen, placed him on his lap and kissed him. Al-Aqra said, "I have 10 children and I have not kissed a single one of them." This was a point of pride, manhood-that one is not soft, that one is tough. The Prophet said to him, "Can I help it if Allah has removed mercy from your heart?" He, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, went on to say, "And whoever is not merciful will not receive mercy." (Bukhari and Muslim)

Do not rewards for acts of worship Do not pay your children to fast, or promise them large gifts if they pray. Instill in them a love for Allah that will motivate them internally to perform salah and fast. Social psychologists have shown that when people are given external rewards or motivation to do some activity, they enjoy doing that activity less and are less motivated, than if they are given no external reward but the reward is internally motivated.

Start attachment early Practice attachment parenting early on. When your children are young, let them sleep next to you, and carry them often. Research shows that doing these things does NOT spoil the child, but creates a secure attachment between the parent and child that allows the child to succeed better as an adult. This attachment is a fundamental precursor to successful parenting because without it you cannot fully instill Islam. Consider, for example, the relationship between the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, and his daughter Fatima. From very early on, she maintained a close relationship with her Father who thereby conveyed his mission to her.

Attachment is the first step to discipline If a secure attachment is created early on between the parent and child, discipline will easily follow. If the parent maintains this closeness with the child and shows consistent love and approval, the child will avoid doing things that would disappoint or jeopardize that relationship. Discipline should not and would not need to be done with a stick, but would rather flow naturally. If the relationship were based on love and respect, the child would be motivated by the desire to maintain that respect.

Build your child's self esteem Make sure your children know how precious they are. Tell them whenever possible how good and how smart they are. Make sure they know what a gift they are and how important they are as a person. Let them know that they can have the ability to change the world, and show them how much faith and hope you have in them. A child who is told he is a failure will always be a failure. And only a child who thinks he can ?change the world, ever will.

Adopting an effective method for training children is extremely important and necessary. It is because a child is Allah's trust in parents' hands and the child's heart is like a nice, clean, and simple mirror which, although, is devoid of any types of impressions or shapes, is capable of accepting the influence of all types of impressions and influences and it can be inclined towards any thing you like.

Adopting an effective method for training children is extremely important and necessary. It is because a child is Allah's trust in parents' hands and the child's heart is like a nice, clean, and simple mirror which, although, is devoid of any types of impressions or shapes, is capable of accepting the influence of all types of impressions and influences and it can be inclined towards any thing you like.

Adopting an effective method for training children is extremely important and necessary. It is because a child is Allah's trust in parents' hands and the child's heart is like a nice, clean, and simple mirror which, although, is devoid of any types of impressions or shapes, is capable of accepting the influence of all types of impressions and influences and it can be inclined towards any thing you like. Therefore, if good habits are inculcated in the child and if he/she is instructed in knowledge, then the child after gaining such excellent nourishment (upbringing), achieves the real success of this life and of the life hereafter. In this [success], the parents and the teachers of the child become entitled to a share in the rewards [from Allah for good upbringing of the child]. And if bad habits are inculcated (nurtured) in a child and [if the child is] left unhindered (unattended/free) like animals, then he/she gets destroyed after becoming ill mannered. The burden of sin [of suchnegligence] falls on his/her guardian and caretaker. Allah, the Exalted, has said [in the Holy Quran]:

"O you who believe! Save yourself and your family from the fire of Hell." (Quran 66:6)

And when the father saves his child from the fires of this world, then as a first priority, it is incumbent (obligatory) upon him to save his child from the fire of the hereafter (Hellfire) and the only way of doing this is that he teaches the child manners and civilization and educate him/her in the best of morals and protect him/her from bad companions and friends and should not let the desire for physical beautification, fine dresses, ornamentation, physical ease, and comfort-seeking settle in his/her heart, otherwise, the child after growing up, will waste his/her precious life in desiring and seeking these lowly things and will get eternally destroyed by them. Instead, it's incumbent upon the father to keep a strict watch and care from a very early age [of his child].

Necessity and importance of permissible (halal) food For upbringing of the child and for nursing, [in the absence of the mother] a woman of good character and religiosity should be appointed, who eats lawful (Halal) food because the milk that comes from unlawful food, has no betterment or blessing in it, instead, if the child is brought up with milk that comes from unlawful (Haram) sources, then evil gets permeated into the very fiber (consciousness/psychology/inner being) of the child, and because of that, the temperament of the child gets inclined towards Satanic (evil) deeds. And when [the parent feels that] the child is able to discern between the good and the bad then a complete nurturing of the child should begin. This [phase of child's life] is indicated by the appearance of the initial signs of shyness (Haya/modesty), because when the child, realizing his/her respect and honor, starts to feel shy and because of shyness starts to leave doing certain things, then this is only the result of the light of intelligence emerging inhim/her. This [emergence of the light of intelligence] happens to such an extent that he/she starts to think of some things as good and of some things as bad, and starts to feel shameful about certain deeds and this very realization of shyness (Haya) is a huge favor on the child by Allah, the Exalted. And it's a clear sign that argues for (clearly shows) his/her moderation of the moral values and the purity of the heart. Instead, we should think of it in this way that this consciousness of the realization of good and bad [in the child], is a glad tiding from the nature (i.e. Allah) that this child upon attaining puberty, will possess perfect intelligence. That's why a child with shyness (Haya/modesty), should never be left free (liberated), but instead, making use of his/her shyness (Haya) and discernment [between good and bad], a full training should be given to him/her.

An explanation of the etiquettes of eating The first bad desire that dominates a child, is the greed to eat more; therefore, it's extremely necessary to teach him/her the etiquettes of eating.

For example, [the etiquettes are] to eat food only with the right hand, to recite "Bismillah" ("In the Name of Allah") in the beginning, to eat from the front [of the plate], to wait for others to begin before he/she does, to not start staring at the food [when others start first], to not even stare at others who are eating, to not eat in an unnecessary hurry, to chew the food properly, to not continuously [or hurriedly] put morsels of food in his/her mouth [but should do that gradually], to not soil his/her hand and clothes with the food [by dropping it]. Sometimes, the child should be fed only the bread so that he/she does not consider the curry [to go with bread] to be a necessity so as to not even be able to do without it. Likewise, one should narrate in front of the child, the undesirability of eating too much, for example, those who eat excessively should be compared to animals. The child should be told to not follow the kids who eat too much and the kids who eat less and arewell trained should be praised in front of the child. The child attention should be drawn towards sacrificing the food for the sake of others [who are less fortunate] by taking care of the needs of his/her companions. The habit should be developed in the child to not care too much about [fine] food and to be content with simple food.

An explanation of the etiquettes of dressing Similarly, instead of colorful and silk clothes, the love and desire for simple and plain clothes should be developed in the heart of the child. It should be firmly impressed on his/her mind that to wear such clothes is not appropriate and pious people abhor such ways of dressing. Such things (admonitions) should be told to the child from time to time in a generalized way. And it's an obligation on the parents that when they see any child wearing silky or brightly colored dresses in front of them, then they should express their disapproval [of such ways of dressing] in front of the child and should instill their undesirability [for such dresses] in the heart of the child. The parents should protect their child from meeting with all those children who are accustomed to prosperity, seeking comforts (comfortable lifestyle), and dressing proudly. They (parents) should also protect the child from the company of all those people who tell him/her stories about such ways of indulgence [likeseeking comforts, dressing proudly, etc.]. Any child, who is left unattended [in such things] during his/her initial growth (upbringing), after growing up commonly becomes ill-mannered, liar, thief, tale-bearer, intransigent (stubborn), evil talker, sarcastic, cunning, deceiver, and foolish. The only source of protecting the child from all these evils is good education and training, after that, the child should be admitted into a religious school so that he/she studies Quran and Hadith (traditions of Prophet Muhammad [Peace and blessing of Allah be upon him]), acquires knowledge of the conditions, biography, and traditions of Allah's righteous slaves so that from the early childhood, the love of the saints (May Allah shower His Mercy upon all of them) get established in his/her heart.

Epidemic of poetry Furthermore, protect the child from romantic poetry and romantic-minded poets and also make him/her stay away from those writers who think that such poetry is an indication of the life of the heart and subtlety of perception [or expression], because such things sow the seeds of corruption (Fasad) and evil in the minds of children.

Method of persuading towards good and stopping from evil Whenever the child displays a good quality or displays a praiseworthy action, then father should praise the child and give him/her such a gift that will make the child happy and should praise the child in front of others. If the child then does something opposite [to his/her praiseworthy quality or action], then it's appropriate to show unawareness of it and [the father] should not dishonor or humiliate the child nor should he highlight the fault. Instead, the father [or parent] should not even let the child know that he even thinks that the child has the courage to do such a thing in front of him, especially, in the case, when the child himself/herself tries to cover and hide the fault. It's because revealing the mistakes [of the child] at times, is the cause for the child to become more daring to such an extent that slowly and gradually the child does not even care about his/her faults being revealed. Even after taking such a wise precaution, if the child does the same [bad] thingagain, then it's suitable to rebuke him/her in private and the fault of the bad deed should be revealed to him/her and should be told, "Beware! Do not ever do this bad thing again. God forbid, if this is found by someone, then you will get humiliated in front of the people", [etc. etc. and other statements can be guessed from this].

Harms of excessive scolding But it should be kept in mind that the child not be rebuked excessively, because it creates a habit in the child to listen to condemnation and scolding and increases in him/her the courage to commit wrongs. And slowly and gradually, the value of admonitions diminishes from the heart of the child.

Similarly, it's necessary for the father that when he talks to the child, he maintains his awe and fear [in the heart of the child] and should rarely rebuke him/her. And the mother should make him/her fear the father when the child is being stubborn and should strictly stop the child from doing bad things.

Etiquettes of sleeping The child should be told not to sleep during the day because it creates laziness but he/she should not be stopped from sleeping at night. However, the child should still be stopped from sleeping on a soft bed so that the child's bodily organs will get strong and the body will not get disfigured, due to which the child will not be able to live without comforts. Instead, the habits of sleeping on hard beds, wearing non-fine (simple) clothes, eating simple food should be instilled in the child. The child should be stopped from doing things in a clandestine way because he/she knows that it's bad, that's why the child hides it. If it's ignored, then the child will develop the habit of doing bad things.

Similarly, the habit of walking during the day and exercising should be instilled in the child so that he/she does not become lethargic and lazy. However, utmost care must be taken to ensure that the child does not expose his/her head, knees, thighs, etc. Furthermore, the child should not walk too fast nor should keep his/her hands loose [which is a sign of laziness] but instead, the child should keep his/her hands close to the body and should be active.

Prohibition of arrogance and pride The child should be prohibited from showing pride on anything from the possessions of his/her parents, his food items, clothes, even from something like his/her writing tablet and ink. Instead, the habit of dealing with all of his/her companions with humility, respect, honor, and having pure (clean/civilized) conversation, should be inculcated in him/her and should not be allowed to take anything from other children. If it's a child of wealthy parents then he/she should be explained that the honor and rank is in giving and not in taking, instead, taking [from others] has in it [the characteristics of] lowliness, humiliation, and insult. If it's a child of poor parents then he/she should be taught that to have greed and to take something from others is a cause of one's own insult and humiliation and it's the characteristic of a dog that it keeps wagging its tail waiting and being greedy for a morsel [of food]. Similarly, the child should be made to dislike gold and silver and shouldbe made to fear the love of these things worse than the love of snakes and scorpions. It's because the love and greed of gold and silver, causes far more damage to children and adults than the harms caused by poison [from snakes and scorpions].

Etiquettes of gatherings and conversations The child should be taught to not spit publicly, to not pick his/her nose, to not yawn in front of anyone, to not turn his/her back to anyone, to not sit cross-legged, to not sit while putting his/her palm under the chin or while supporting the head with hands because all these are indications of lethargy and laziness, in other words, the child should even be taught the proper manners of sitting. The child should be restrained from talking too much and it should be clearly impressed on his/her mind that all these are shameful things and are not the works of well-mannered children. Furthermore, the child should be completely prohibited from swearing either truely or falsely so that he/she will not develop the habit of swearing from childhood. Similarly, the child should be stopped from starting a conversation first and should have this habit instilled in him/her that he/she should speak only to answer [questions] and that too should be proportionate to the question [asked]. Whensomeone is speaking to the child then he/she should listen very attentively and should get up to create more space for those who are older and then should sit with proper manners in front of them. The child should be stopped from useless (evil) talk, dirty talk, cursing, accusations, verbal abuse and should be prohibited from meeting people who do these things because the evil qualities of [one's] companions, necessarily influence the child [in a bad way]. And the real secret of [proper] training of children is embedded (hidden) in protecting the children from [the company of] bad companions.

Patience and forbearance It is also necessary that when the teacher punishes the child then the child should neither scream nor shout nor seek the support of intercession (interference) of someone, instead, [the child] should exercise patience and forbearance. In order to make the child understand this, he/she should be told that to exercise patience is the way (characteristic) of the brave ones and to scream, shout, and cry are the works of those who lack dignity.

Importance and benefits of physical exercises After finishing his/her studies, the child should be permitted to play some good sport, with the help of which, he/she could get rid of the tiredness from the school and to get relaxation. But the child should not be allowed to play so much so that he/she gets tired due to the play [itself]. Because, to completely stop the child from playing and to just keep him/her under the pressure of studies, makes his/her heart dead, makes his/her intelligence nullified and useless, and makes his/her life miserable, due to that, the child starts to look for excuses to get rid of the studies.

Etiquettes of respecting the elders It's extremely important that the child should be taught the obedience to the parents, teachers, and everyone who is older in age than him/her whether this person is a relative or not. And he/she should be told to look at them with the eyes of respect and should abandon play in front of them. When the child reaches puberty, then he/she should not be allowed to have laziness in cleanliness (personal hygiene) and purity and should not be ignored for missing prayers. In certain days of [the holy month of] Ramadan, the child [before acquiring puberty] should be made to fast in some days and should be kept away from silk, and wearing gold and silver. As needed (as it's suitable according to the need), the child should be explained the limits (boundaries) and laws of the Islamic Shari'ah (Divine laws) and should be made to fear theft, unlawful earnings and food, breach of trust, dishonesty, shamelessness, and all evil things that are born in the temperament (personality) of the childduring adolescence. When a child's upbringing from the [early] childhood will be like this, then by the time the child reaches puberty, he/she will be able to clearly understand the secrets and the wisdom behind these matters.

A good thought about food During this stage (childhood/adolescence), he/she should be explained that whatever permissible (Halal) food is there, is also like medicines and the only purpose of them is that the human beings, after eating them, could be obedient to Allah, the Exalted.

Impermanence of the world It should also be clearly impressed upon the mind [of the child] that the world itself is not the purpose [of our lives], and [the world] is unreal, without permanence, and has an ending. Death puts an end to these [material] blessings and the world is only a place we are passing by. It is not a place of satisfaction and [is not] a place to settle. But the world of the hereafter is the real station of peace and tranquility and a place of stillness and satisfaction and the death, at all times, is in ambush, to end the life of the world.

Who is intelligent? In reality, intelligent is the one who provides the capital of reliance (provision needed for one's journey to the hereafter) and good deeds from this mortal world for the eternal life of the hereafter, so that he/she attains a high rank of acceptance before Allah, the Exalted, and the limitless blessings of the Paradise. If the child's initial upbringing would have been good, then during adolescence, this discussion will prove to be pleasing to the self (Nafs), effective, get inscribed on the heart like an [indelible] inscription on the stone, auguring well for the child.

On contrary to that, if the child's mental development had been along the wrong lines, then the qualities of evil, shamelessness, desire for eating too much, greed for fine dresses, ostentation and ornamentation, gaudiness, arrogance and pride, would have been born in him/her, and his/her heart will refuse to accept this fact (i.e. the impermanence of the worldly life and the need to work for the life hereafter) like the dry wall refuses to accept dry soil (i.e. such teachings will not stick to the heart of the child). In summary, these are the initial matters that need to be taken care of to the utmost.

Child's nature and parents' obligation Since the composition of the child's heart is such that it can accept the influences of both the good and the bad, the righteous and the evil, it's the responsibility of the father and the mother to incline the [heart of the] child either to good or to evil (ImamGhazaliis not giving us a choice in this matter, but instead, urging us to incline the child towards good otherwise the child will automatically get inclined towards evil due to the parents' negligence). Prophet Muhammad (May peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) says:

"Every child is born on the [true] nature [of God] but his/her parents make him/her either a Christian, Jew, or Magian.