Debating My Husband about Kinky Hair

My husband and I live in Chicago and are expecting a baby girl any day now. Recently, my husband asked me how long I would allow our daughter to wear her hair natural. Confused about the nature of his question, he responded: “You know what I mean, kinky isn’t always cute.”

Now before we condemn my husband, let’s keep in mind, he’s a man, and he’s usually a really nice guy!

I immediately became a radical after this statement, “kinky isn’t always cute.”

I’ve been natural for about three years and my choice to go natural had nothing to do with empowerment, I just didn’t want my hair to fall out anymore. I only planned being natural for a short time, and throughout the entire process, I would ask my husband; “Hey, do you like this, are you okay with this style?” He would always say yes, never giving me any trouble.

As my hair became stronger and healthier, I started setting goals and realized that I would probably never go back to a relaxer.

Truthfully, the transition from relaxed to natural hair was not easy. People often worry about how they fit in Corporate America; we worry about what our co-workers are going to say. Bottom line it’s not always a high-five, sister-girl walk in the park.

This is exactly why when my best homey of 12 years/father of my children/husband asked me about our first daughter’s hair, I was ready to fight him. He will never understand what it’s like harbor hair worry. “My hair isn’t straight enough, it’s too nappy, it’s too curly, it’s not long enough,” those thoughts will never go through his head. He doesn’t understand my hair plight.

I gave him a speech about Black women and how relaxers were oppressive at times, and how we needed to take back the power of our natural hair. I recited the statement that I’d heard from my mother for years, about how a woman’s hair is her crown and glory. My husband says that Black women give their hair too much importance.

My husband argues that our hair can never be discussed, and our hair can never be touched. We covet our hair as if it’s a separate entity of ourselves.

Was I being too sensitive? Is our hair really not that serious? There are so many things that my daughter will be exposed to when she enters the world and to sugarcoat the world and say she’s going to be welcomed, exalted, and appreciated by everyone is insanely unrealistic.

What I can do is equip my daughter with a sense of self-worth. It shouldn’t matter what her hair looks like, or how much kink she sports as long as it’s groomed. I will teach our daughter that her crown and glory will not be her hair, it will be her brain.