4. The vegan option at a restaurant is ALWAYS a wrap.

5. The vegan option at a wedding is ALWAYS grilled vegetables.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful, and I’m certainly not going to complain, but that looks like A LOT of zucchini. Is all. Whatever, forget it. Thank you for inviting me to your wedding and for providing a vegan option when you didn’t have to. I am a terrible person. I take this one back.

6. And let’s not even talk about continental breakfast at a hotel…

Free breakfast sounds sooooo good until you realize that literally the only thing you can eat is hash browns with a side of hash browns, with a black coffee. Yes, fine – also a fruit cup. But, like, this is a secret and don’t tell anyone, but vegans feel pretty much the same way about fruit cups as everyone else does.

7. Getting constantly trapped under the weight of your own logic…

…and having to be like, “Yes, true. OK, that is a great point, but also…remember how this all began with me just politely turning down the cheese dip? YOU STARTED THIS NIGHTMARE CONVERSATION. You just forgot that you did.” GODDAMN IT, CHELSEA.

11. The “vegan at a dinner party” joke.

12. No, seriously. The “vegan at a dinner party” joke.

13. People saying stuff like this and thinking they’ve vanquished you with their genius.

“Oh no, I have been defeaaaaated. I would like to formally apologize for initiating this discussion by asking the waiter to hold the cheese on my veggie burger. Please immediately begin force-feeding me hard-boiled eggs until I explode under the weight of my own contradictions. It’s all I deserve.”