Seven Reasons Why Brownies Beat Cake (and even Cookies)

The frou-frou factor. Give me a blondie brownie any day over a fancy schmancy slice of wedding cake.

Frosting. Brownies don’t need it. I, for one, hate cake frosting. The only exception is a very light smear of coconut pecan on German chocolate. I never buy a cake from a grocery store, because I end up scraping all the icing off (which is more for décor anyway, and justification for charging an exorbitant amount). Icing, almost always, overpowers the cake, and is almost always too sweet. (Nuts also taste better in brownies than they do in cake. They complement, rather than taste like someone’s baby teeth got baked into it.)

Brownies are more satisfying. They are denser (I never understood why someone would want to make “cakey” brownies). One brownie=3 cupcakes (on a satisfaction level, according to Sarah’s Almanac).

You can eat brownies with your fingers. Cakes have to be in cupcake form to even accomplish this and then you’re stuck with the stupid wrapper.

Brownies last longer (than cakes) and don’t tend to burn on the bottom (like cookies). Cookies have a much smaller margin for error.

You can cut away the edge of a brownie (unlike a cookie). I get peevish looks when I’m checking out at Firehouse Subs, foraging for the sought-after center piece.

Brownies are a simple melt-and-pour exercise. Cookies take longer, because you have to scoop them out and sometimes even shape them.

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Places that have the best brownies: Firehouse Subs and Steak n’ Shake (just ask for the brownie by itself). The brownies are pretty much the only thing Steak n’ Shake doesn’t mess up, and that’s because the brownies come in frozen and aren’t made there.

Cake’s sole redeeming value: You can substitute unsweetened applesauce for the oil called for in a cake mix. I never could figure out why my boxed brownie mixes weren’t turning out until I realized brownies must have oil (however, you can substitute canola or vegetable with coconut oil; just be sure to melt it first).