Transformation: From Old to New

Monday, July 15, 2013

Missing all of my family, including my SC church family, as the time nears the birth of the baby. This will be the first time I have a baby without them being around and just the thought of that makes me sad.

They have been a huge part of my life and I truly appreciate each and every one of them.

They have gone through so much with me; helping me and sharing in each and every part of my life (good and bad), every step of the way, with hugs, encouragement, meals, smiles, and more love than I could ever contain.

They cannot be replaced.

I don't know how I'm going to do this without them; thinking about it makes me cry.

I love being in Florida, but I miss them all so much.

I always loved being able to share our lives with one another.

We are a part of one another.

I am a bit afraid, to be honest with you.

This will be my 5th C-section.

They won't be here; not even my husband.

He just found out that he can take off up to 2 weeks, but there's a catch; he won't get paid.

I don't know about you, but we can't afford to be without pay for 2 weeks.

So, he will be there for the baby's birth and then go back to work.

Our other children will be home alone, which isn't a huge deal, because they are old enough now to care for themselves, but I want them to be with me.

Oh well, I guess you can't always get what you want.

Well, I'm sorry for whining...I'll stop now, because it's just not very productive.

I just felt the need to share how I'm feeling at the moment.

I know that the Lord will take care of everything so I will just leave it all in His hands.

So, if you think about it, please lift my family and I up in your prayers.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

(This will be my 5th live birth; I had 1 miscarriage in my early 20's and 2 (each 1 year apart from one another) within the last 4 years.)

I am so blessed to know that the Lord is preserving this little guy and continuing to allow him to develop and grow normally.

I have been going to "see" him every 4 weeks (via ultrasound) and have been amazed at how quickly he's growing and changing.

During this pregnancy I've experienced so many different emotions;

fear being the main one, due to recent history, but I have trusted the Lord nonetheless;

knowing that He alone is the giver and sustainer of life and that He allows everything for my good and His glory.

He has always been here for me; carrying me through, without fail and I am just so thankful that He is my Lord. Without Him, I just don't know where I would be.

I have been thinking a lot about what my life is going to look like after the baby is born.

It's funny, but I never thought I would be having another baby at 43.

Many people have expressed that they would "just die" if they found out they were pregnant again at my age. I've heard things like, " Are you crazy?", and " you know what causes that don't you?"

Really people?

It makes me laugh to think that people actually believe that they can control if and when they will have a baby.

Truthfully, the only way to guarantee that it not happen is abstain; but, I believe that most marriages wouldn't survive if abstinence was practiced...lol

The Lord, and He alone is the One who opens and closes the womb.

You can have sex 24/7 and never conceive a child or just once and conceive; you are not in control!

Enough about that...lol

My oldest child is 19 and my youngest will be 11 years old.

I've already been through the drama of each age only to begin again. :)

I don't feel overwhelmed or crazy.

In fact, I feel blessed, excited, and privileged.

I love that my other children are older and can experience this pregnancy with me.

I love that I can feel this baby kicking, flipping, hiccupping, and moving inside of me.

I love being able to be a part of another miracle.

My children are all such wonderful blessings in my life.

I just can't imagine life without any one of them; even those I lost, I love and can't wait to see when I get to heaven.

Each of them has a special place in my heart.

Each of them is unique.

Each of them is a miracle.

Each off them have brought more joy to my life than they'll ever know.

Having another baby at 43 is not the end of my world, as some would suggest;

it is a new beginning, a new chapter, a new adventure.

Yes, I will have to start all over again with the diapers, late night feedings, baby proofing the house, playing the guessing game as to why he's crying, etc, planning my every move instead of being spontaneous, and eventually homeschooling him when I've just finished homeschooling 4 other children, but it is going to be so worth it.

I don't care about having "freedom to do what I want, when I want."

That ship sailed a long time ago, and, to be completely honest with you, I'm glad it did.

Having children has been life changing for me.

Before them, I was the most selfish person that walked the earth.

Everything was about me.

My children have taught me so much about selflessness, unconditional love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, to name only a few, and they have made life wonderful for me.

I can't imagine my life any different than it is right now.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward

Psalm 127:3

Thank You Lord for allowing me to have these children, to raise them up in You for Your glory.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

I don't know if you remember, but the first 2 of the 3 that I'm speaking about ended tragically, so I was pretty anxious finding out about this one.

I have since had 2 ultra sounds. The first showed a baby with a beating heart and the second was even more amazing. It showed not only a baby with a strong heartbeat (161 bpm), but a healthy, very active little one growing and developing normally. What a miracle!!!

I am still a little nervous, considering I'm 43 years old and things haven't gone so well in the recent past, but I'm trusting the Lord in it all.

I feel absolutely horrible...Praise the Lord!!!

Why would I praise the Lord for that?

Feeling horrible is a good sign. It's a sign that my hormone levels are elevated and that the baby is still growing. So that is definitely something to praise Him for!! :)

I will be under very strict care throughout the pregnancy.

There will be ultrasounds ever 4-6 weeks, tests done, etc to make sure that the baby continues growing as he/she should. My next ultrasound is May 6th in which there is a very good chance that I can find out the sex of the baby...WootWoot!! :)

I'm looking forward to going on this journey with my baby; being able to see him/her every month, watching as he/she progresses. I've never been able to do that before. It's like getting to know my baby even before I see him/her in person. :)

I'm also excited to be able to share this experience with my husband especially my 3 girls. They came with me for the 2nd ultrasound and were completely in awe. They can't wait to go back in a few weeks to see the baby again.

We were all able to witness the baby bouncing, literally, in my womb, kicking those little legs, and waving the little arms. We were also able to hear the sound of the baby's heartbeat...oh, that beautiful sound.

This is going to be a grand adventure and I invite you to join us as we journey together.

I do have one request; that you would please remember to keep me, the baby, and my entire family in your prayers throughout our journey.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

When three of Jobs friends heard of all that was going on in Jobs life, they set out to see him. They went to mourn with and comfort him.When they arrived they didn't even recognize Job. They raised up their voices and wept, tore their robes, and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven. They could clearly see that his grief was great so they sat with him, in silence, for seven days.

Job was so distraught that he began to curse the day that he was born. He poured his heart out about the frustrations and grief that he was going through.

When he was finished, his friends all had something to say about his situation.

Today we're going to look at what Eliphaz had to say.

First, he told Job that his outburst was an embarrassment to himself because Job had always been the one of instruction, strength, and wisdom to all who were going through adversity, yet he himself didn't take his own advice, and was troubled because of his adversity.

So many Christians believe that if they are going through adversity that they should just keep their frustration and grief bottled up inside.

After all, what would people think if they actually expressed their feelings?

People don't want others to know what's going on in their lives because they fear judgement from others. That fear isn't from God.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

We are to share our lives with one another. When we do, it allows them a chance to use the gifts the Lord has given to them, as well as, brings hope to others.

Let me give you an example.

When I first started going to Calvary Chapel in Greer, SC, I felt as if I was the only one struggling with life. Every time I saw the ladies at the church, I would become more and more discouraged, because I thought that they had it all together. Honestly, I felt as if I didn't belong. That time of year came when it was time for the Ladies Retreat. I was being encouraged to go, but I really didn't want to because my life was a mess. With much thought and a bit of pressure, I decided to go. I still was nervous though.

That was one of the BEST things I've ever done!!

While I was there, I began sharing things about my life with some of the women, and, you know what? Some of them were going through or had gone through exactly what I was. The ones who had already been there, encouraged me and gave me hope that things would change. Those of us going through the same things, at present, developed a bond, enabling us to share our thoughts, feelings,etc, encourage, and love on each other.

You see, sharing your frustrations and grief doesn't make you less of a Christian.

God uses each of our circumstances to not only strengthen our faith, but to help others through their own circumstances. There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting people know your frustrations and griefs. So don't let anyone tell you anything different.

As a part of the body of Christ we are one in Christ. We are to love and encourage one another.

Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.

1Thessalonians 5:11

If that wasn't bad enough, Eliphaz then told Job that he had a vision in the night, where a spirit told him that Job was going through all that he was because of his sin, that he needed to repent, and then God would heal, bring prosperity, and long life to him.

This spirit was deceiving Eliphaz. This spirit was to discourage and frustrate Job even more than he already was, so he would curse God, but Eliphaz did not test the spirit, as we are all supposed to.

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

1 John 4:1

The Proof

The spirit brought fear and trembling (v14)
As we know, God has not given us a spirit of fear.

Even God recognized Job as blameless and upright.

Jobs life demonstrated who he was and for whom he was living.

In no way did Jobs life demonstrate that he was, or thought he was, more righteous or more pure than God, which the spirit implied. (v 17)

Do you see it?

One thing I want to make very clear is this....

Just because someone is going through adversity doesn't mean it's because of sin in their lives.

Job was blameless, yet the Lord gave satan permission to do these things to him to prove his faith and to bring glory to Himself.

So, when you see someone going through adversity, don't be quick to judge why, instead, pray for, encourage, comfort, and love on them.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

Friday, December 7, 2012

This time God points out that even though Job has lost virtually everything, his integrity still remains in tact. He is still standing strong in the Lord.

Satan's reply?

"Skin for skin, yes, all that a man he will give for his life. But stretch out Your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will surely curse You to Your face!" (Job 2:4-5)

Satan believed that if the Lord allowed him to inflict physical infirmities on Job that he would curse God.

Again, God gave satan permission to do as he wished, with one exception. He could not kill Job.

So, he made Job have painful boils from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head.

Job was in a lot of pain, yet he sat in the ashes, scraping himself with broken pottery, saying nothing.

As his wife watched him going through such torment, she was probably heartbroken because she loved Job and didn't want to see him suffer anymore. She was already distraught over losing everything, including her children, and now she watched as her husband was in tortuous pain.

In her fragile emotional state she tells Job to curse God and die.

It's interesting the things that are said when one is emotionally vulnerable. More interesting to me, was the fact that she encouraged her husband, who was known to be blameless and upright, to abandon everything he believed because he was suffering. Instead she should have been praying for and encouraging him to persevere.

When you suffer, your loved ones mean well, but sometimes they unwittingly encourage you to give in to your flesh, because they feel your pain and are too emotional to see beyond that. You must not give in to your flesh, but must continue in your faith, to live a life that glorifies God, even in the midst of pain. You must continue to persevere, knowing that God has a plan for even this.

Are you going through adversity in the form of an illness or disease?

I have been for many years now. I've been to more doctors than ever in my lifetime, had more tests done, been poked and prodded, and still, no one can figure out what is wrong with me.

I am in pain daily, some days are worse than others, and to top it off,I am without medical insurance now and I recently (within the last 6 months) tore the rotator cuff of my left shoulder, which means more pain.

In it all, I know that God is with me.

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me;

Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

Psalm 139:7-12

He gives me strength, when I have none.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!

Psalm 27:14

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

He encourages me through His Word.

How sweet are Your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

Psalm 119:103

Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light to my path.

Psalm 119:105

He keeps me in His care,gives me rest and comforts me.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 23:1-4

We all have issues to deal with, some worse than others, but having a close personal relationship with Jesus Christ makes life worth living, even when things are difficult.

How are you choosing to deal with your infirmities?

Believe it or not, you do have a choice.

You can choose to be miserable, bitter, and discontent with the state that you're in, OR, you can choose to cling to Jesus and allow Him to give you His joy in the midst of it, and His peace that passes all understanding.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Job lost his prestige, wealth and material possessions, and worst of all, his 7 children died on the same day as a result of the oldest sons home collapsing on top of them.

Talk about tragic!!

Even through his great loss, he never once sinned or blamed God for it.

If you were Job, how would you react to this news?

If you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I would hope that you know God so intimately that you would react in a similar fashion as Job did. When we intimately know God then we know, without a shadow of a doubt, who He is and that we can trust that what He is allowing is for our good.

It's not easy going through personal tragedy.

I know this all too well.

I've experienced several suicides of people in whom I loved dearly, physical abuse, the loss of 3 babies, etc, etc, etc.

Through it all I didn't blame God.

I didn't understand, but I knew that God had allowed every circumstance for the good of many.

I know God is a God of love.

I've experienced it first hand.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

"For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

1 John 4:16

I know suffering is a part of life.

Why?

Because in suffering our faith is perfected.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

God is just.

He is the Rock, His work is perfect; For all His ways are justice, A God of truth and without injustice; Righteous and upright is He.

Deuteronomy 32:4

God has purpose for everything that we go through.

One of those purposes is to conform us into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to
those who are the called according to His purpose.

For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.

Romans 8:28-29

Suffering proves the genuineness of your faith.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,

who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials,

that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ,

1 Peter 1 :3-7

When you go through suffering, the Lord will bring comfort to you.

The suffering you go through will be used in the lives of others.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

As you can see, suffering may not be fun, but it is a part of our growth, as well as those around us.

Rest assured, that no matter what you're going through now, if you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, one day the suffering will cease. Continue to hold on to Jesus and watch what He does in and through you.

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

1 Peter 5:10

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."