Wednesday, February 27, 2013

In Your Presence, Lord, I Will Find My Strength...

I used to work at a coffee shop/bookstore that was attached to the church that I attended for many years. Every Sunday night there was a Bible Study at the coffee shop. This one particular night, Britt Merrick was speaking. I LOVED when he came to our church. His teachings always really pierced right to the core of my heart. His adorable wife Kate was standing near the cards and mugs, looking like the most stylish glowing pregnant girl I'd ever seen. They were just the cutest couple...I remember thinking, "Man....I want your life!" Cute surfer couple, married and in love, a sweet baby on the way...sigh.
Fast forward 12 years later....I wouldn't want their life for anything. They are still adorable, still pouring their lives into others for Jesus, have two precious children, Britt still gives messages that pierce right to the core of my heart...but their world has been turned upside down. Four years ago, their sweet 4 year old daughter, Daisy Love (who has the same middle name as Shiloh) was diagnosed with cancer....in the last 4 years she had over 30 rounds of chemo, 6 major surgeries and been diagnosed 4 times with cancer. A few months ago, they found 2 inoperable tumors now, and her doctors advised her parents to take her home and enjoy their last precious days with their sweet girl.
As a mom, wow. There are no words. I have spent SO many days just weeping for this family. I cannot even comprehend the pain, the fear, the anger, the heartbreak that they must be going through. This kind of devastation...how do you recover from it? How do you even live through it?? I have told God that I don't understand how this could happen to them. I have told him that it doesn't seen fair that she is so sick and there is nothing her parents can do. It doesn't seem fair that there are SO many parents dealing with this kind of pain and sorrow....and I have to healthy, amazing, well bodied children that I get to enjoy everyday.
You hear the question all of the time...."If God were so great, how could He let all these terrible things happen?" I have asked it...Why God? How could you let this happen? Its a normal human question...and really some doubt is normal in your faith. It just means you have to trust that even though there is the doubt, you are choosing to believe...
I want to talk about a few things that I learned that rocked my whole world from Britts latest message. I mean, literally ROCKED me to the core.
So, lets talk about this. Jesus, when he was hear on earth, was pretty clear to his friends, his family, his followers. "You WILL lose everything if you follow me!" These were just dudes, just people. They didn't get WHY this was going to happen. There was no theology of suffering yet. Jesus just said, "Even though you are obeying me, you will not be immune to suffering."

Jesus tells us....you will suffer, you will be in pain, you live in a fallen world, you might die....but DO NOT FEAR. The insanity of this command!!! How??? How can you not fear in the midst of the darkest of nights?!?! Does it make sense??? Does it make you doubt that this is all just ridiculous??? Its ok to doubt and struggle.The struggle, the faith...it will still be there....The issue (when times are hard) is not our bodies, sickness, pain, disease, even death, unfair, issues, circumstances that overwhelm, people, what they can do to you. Fear not.Don't fear circumstances, people, rejection, what can kill you. Fear not, fear God.Why does an innocent bird fall from the sky? Why did my husband beat me? Why did my friend betray me? Why did I lose my job? Why does my baby have cancer? He knows that the these questions are hanging there!! He knows we want to know....yet He still does not tell us!!!Does WHY heal a broken heart? Does WHY take away the pain?? If he told us WHY all the bad things happen, would it really help??Sin? yes. Gods glory? sure. But God is great. He is so great....could he not bring glory to himself in any other way than an 8 year old having cancer for the 4th time??Asking why is not the right question.

He gives us something so much greater than the answer to Why. He points us to the saving factor...they only way to make it through the suffering...he changes the answer from Why to Who.

Not even a sparrow will fall from the sky without the fathers care and presence.

THE ANSWER TO THE WORLDS SUFFERING IS THE PRESENCE OF GOD.Fearing God is not being terrified of Him. To fear Him means to revere, respect, honor, extol, to trust Him enough to believe by faith that He is good, sovereign and present when life is cruel, hard, and out of control. And then, to honor Him in the midst of it all.

Life is always going to present things that will insight fear....when these things happen, we have a choice to either fear god, or fear everything else. When everything around us says He cant be trusted, trust His goodness. When everything else is against us, when everything else is telling us He isn't even there, pursue Him. Pursue god, not just to pursue answers, not just for a desired outcome. In the most difficult time of life, we want clarity. In the most difficult times of life, God wants our trust... these are in opposition to each other. Clarity wont help. It is not promised. His presence is promised. Even if He could explain it to us, we could not comprehend his infinite purpose. Whatever makes us scared, His presence is enough. In fact, it is the only thing that can offer us comfort and hope.

The command "do not fear" is ALWAYS followed up with "I am with you". That promise is always there....Nothing happens apart from our Fathers care. His presence cures our fears. It soothes our fears. Whatever is happening now, isn't outside of His control, and it isn't ultimate. The pain and the fear of this life are not bigger than the Love and the Presence of the Father.Do not put your hope in a certain outcome, but in someone, the someone who never fails, never gives up...Seek the presence of Christ. He will ALWAYS meet you.

We cannot fear the circumstance. We have to fear God. We have to stop asking him why and start asking WHO....who is there during the suffering?When we stop asking why and start asking who, the silence ends....the heavens open....we hear that Gods presence is enough. It is there. It is always there. It is always enough. Fear not this life, or anything in it. There is One who is greater than all...and He hold Eternity in His hands.One week ago, Daisy Love's sweet mommy posted this:At 2:40am this morning our sweet Daisy went to be with Jesus. She was sleeping and in no pain. Christ is with us as the God of all comfort. We are thankful.Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)

Daisy believed this and so do we. More than ever.

Love,

The Merricks

It was my birthday. I was in the car with friends and my husband, on the way home from celebrating. I got a text from a dear friends who said that Daisy had died. I could hardly breathe. I cried. I just wanted to get home to my own babies and hold them.

I tried to remember Gods promise. I tried to trust that He was there, comforting her parents and her big brother as they just endured they greatest loss that they will probably ever have to live through. Its hard to remember His truth...

Kate posted this a few days later:

Dear Friends…

Early Saturday morning we had the privilege of witnessing Daisy’s departure from earth to a place outside of time and space where her joy is complete; heaven.

Our darling girl gave us kisses at midnight, with lips dry from thirst and hot with fever. Tiny and sweet, the words “that’s awesome” came from her tired body after letting us know she was having good dreams. She is safely home… Finally well.

I have refrained from giving details of her suffering over the last few weeks, as it was immense. Out of respect for her dignity and loveliness we have been keeping these painful moments sacred.

Thank you for your partnership in loving our girl. Please know we are broken hearted for ourselves but so happy for Daisy, who is with Jesus in paradise able to run and eat and play with abandon. We believe that wholeheartedly, and as they say in Narnia, she is going further up! And further in! She left the Shadowlands for a place more real in every sense.

Please join us as we celebrate the strong, kind, brave, goofy, thoughtful, amazing girl we call Daisy Love. Please wear what you feel best in; sandy feet and boardshorts, tutu and snorkel mask, or the prettiest dress in your closet. Wear black only if you must, but I’m wearing what Daisy would like most. On her last night on earth, she requested we watch “The Hobbit” (70’s version) and dress like hobbits. If ever there was a girl confident in her own skin, it was her. Among her favorite ensembles are animal ears of all kinds, astronaut, flightsuit, monster, pirate, dinosaur, Indian, mermaid, bear, cowgirl, fireman and explorer.

Feel free to laugh and cry and hug. There is no single way to grieve. And while we miss her on earth, we will pick up where we left off when I have the privilege of going to where she is, in the presence of God where there is fullness of joy.

My final request to all who read this blog: love. Love your babies, your husbands, mothers, sisters. Love each day like it’s your last. All you mamas out there, you have been entrusted with the precious gift of a human life who depends on you. Enjoy your gift. Breathe in the scent of your child’s hair, breath. Let them cook with you and make a mess of the kitchen. Play hide and seek with them, build sand castles with them, take them on picnics, read to them! Listen to them, value and respect them, never shame them. Your words they will carry with them their whole life and you have the power to give them wings or stunt their growth. Motherhood can be tough but it’s worth it. It can be exhausting, boring, tedious, but never for long. You blink and they’re grown. It has been my honor and privilege to love Daisy these last 8 years. I’m thankful for every minute; the joyful and the terrible alike.

“I know The Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety. For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your holy one to rot in the grave. You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.” (Psalm 16:8-11 NLT)

Isn't she amazing??? Still, in some of her saddest moments, she trusts in the Presence of the Lord. My life is forever changed because of Daisy. She is in Heaven now. She has a healthy body. And her family holds on to the truth that they will see her, hold her, laugh with her, and be close to her for eternity, very soon. I offer you this challenge once again, just as Kate did....

My final request to all who read this blog: love. Love your babies, your husbands, mothers, sisters. Love each day like it’s your last. All you mamas out there, you have been entrusted with the precious gift of a human life who depends on you. Enjoy your gift. Breathe in the scent of your child’s hair, breath. Let them cook with you and make a mess of the kitchen. Play hide and seek with them, build sand castles with them, take them on picnics, read to them! Listen to them, value and respect them, never shame them. Your words they will carry with them their whole life and you have the power to give them wings or stunt their growth. Motherhood can be tough but it’s worth it. It can be exhausting, boring, tedious, but never for long. You blink and they’re grown. It has been my honor and privilege to love Daisy these last 8 years. I’m thankful for every minute; the joyful and the terrible alike.

And in the midst of it ALL....trust that His presence is enough...

“I know The Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety. For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your holy one to rot in the grave. You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.” (Psalm 16:8-11 NLT)

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About Me

This is the place where I share my soul, talk about my passions, or sometimes, just vent to a listening world. My husband, Will, a Doctor of Chiropractic, and my two gentle gifts from God, Solomon and Shiloh, are my inspiration for all that I do. I like cooking. I like to play with my sweet babies. I am working on being more of a minimalist, taking care of the earth God gave me, and being an advocate of peace and justice, especially for those with no voice. I LOVE the theatre (RENT, Spring Awakening, and Wicked are my current favorite shows) I love tea, coffee, and good food. I love decorating and organizing...you give me small quarters, I will give you optimum space. I love decorating my home. I love making my husband happy, not the best at it sometimes but I'm trying. I love Africa. I love the quest of walking like Jesus...its been a fantastic journey so far...its an incredible adventure that my family is loving.