Well, I made it. Major anxiety getting here but I’m “here.” And bored. And I don’t have much motivation to do anything but mess around on the computer. And I’m trying not to think about staying here. I can go back to the ward any time tonight. They’ll have all the doors locked but I have the number for Nurses’ Station on my floor so I could basically show up whenever and they’ll let me in. It’s already late now so the doors are indeed locked. I don’t know what to do. I’m having major decision crisis. I just feel like staying up all night. I’m in avoidance mode. I guess the most important thing is that I come back some time before Monday morning? I suppose I could go through all my work email since I now have a decent internet connection? Somehow that isn’t very appealing at the moment. I am bringing MacBook with me as I bought some CD-RWs for some of the other patients on the ward to burn some music for them if they want. And so I can play on my computer whenever I feel like it as there is a LAN connection in another room! How’s that for awesome! I might still be able to get wifi but I’ll pack up cables anyway.

I really can’t think of anything to write so now that I can see my blog I thought I’d look at who’s been visiting, repost my YouTube that didn’t appear (that I don’t even know if anyone listened to or watched since it might not have been to their taste and I found a better one) and write about the latest (and not so) greatest search terms:

Doctors Fuking: Now oddly enough this came up twice recently. Someone is persistent in wanting me to blog about this? Well, I have no “intimate” knowledge of this but I am sure they do. I read an interesting article about the rising “asexual movement” the other day…but basically, I’m pretty sure that the majority of the population has sex. Doctors included.

Seroquel taking away TD: No, this doesn’t happen. But it doesn’t really cause it at high doses, either. It’s, if memory serves, one of the better ones for not causing TD. But it can at higher doses. All of the Atypical Antipsychotics can but they are better than the first generation ones.

Asshole Patients: Well yes, there are some. I’d like to think I am not one of them. I’m actually quite quiet and polite. As a patient and a person.

I knew my parents were swingers: Yes apparently my sister as well but I was somewhat unaware as I was a bit younger when this was happening. My parents were terribly irresponsible and fucked. No pun intended.

Agoraphobia think right: Good motto for a T-shirt. You can’t always do it though. I did manage to make it back to my apartment today so I guess there is hope.

I used Tantum now my tongue hurts: Oh! I’m sorry! That’s not supposed to happen! Usually it just gets a bit numb…

In ER what is the name for the diner the: I am assuming the rest of this is “there.” Wow, what kind of hospital are you looking for? Usually no food in the ERs…most people are NPO until they are seen?

Headcase: Thanks For The Memories: Hmmm. Does someone out there wish me to stop blogging? Or they found at least something of value and are gone?

Six Headed Person: Okay, I really don’t now how this led to my blog. I know somewhere I think I mentioned a head or brain transplant or something? But I never got into anything resembling a mini human hydra?

Well, I managed to get some more sleep. Not that it may have helped as I was having more nightmares–this time about going home. It’s amazing, you know? I can barely remember what I dream about…if I can’t remember what I really do dream about then what exactly is happening while I sleep? It could be quite frightening. Similarly to my childhood memories that can’t be remembered?

So the next order is to find P. and we are going for tea. I very much need it. And to get dressed. I can’t take public transit in my pyjamas. Well I could. Nothing would say “crazy mental patient” better? Nice statement, actually. Quite tempting, indeed.

It’s going to be a long trip though. I am not exactly close to…

Home. I’m going. Not permanently–just for some kind of a brief visit. And yes. ALONE. No one is available to accompany me so who knows what kind of trouble I may get into. The biggest urge will be to go to the stupid pub and throw back some pints. I can taste them already.

Yes Little Susie Sunshine (sarcasm if you can’t detect it) has finally made her decision.

I woke up an hour or two ago with a horrible nightmare…a real clanger and in actual in tears. Thanks Mom for giving birth to me and then invading my head 37 years later with crap like that. I was still doped enough to go back to sleep however.

Then, my roommate woke me up sobbing and I could hear her through my earplugs! Which actually might not take much as I am such a light sleeper now. I aksed her if she wanted to talk or if she wanted her nurse. She opted for the latter as she is a very quiet girl. I’ve come out to give her and her nurse some privacy and well, make this post. What else am I going to do, right?

What is going on?! Am I going to have to be on a “tear alert” today?

It’s way too early. I was the last one on the ward to go to bed. Apparently I am (well apart from my roommate?) now the first one up? My roommate’s probably gone back to bed–she sleeps a lot. So, that means I am the one with the least sleep! And once I’m up, I’m up. It’s very difficult for me to nap and if I do, they are terribly short in duration. Unless I’m sedated and even still, I need to be heavily sedated.

So I don’t know how that bodes for a trip home today. I kind of feel like death warmed over already.