Monday, July 28, 2014

#WellActually issue 01 - 17 Things Attractive Girls Do Differently

The #WellActually series I will take a stupid, stupid blog, think piece, news story, study, etc. and riff on it, trying to make sense of the non-nonsensical. If you have a suggestion for a story I need to #WellActually, send it to exit.eleven@gmail.com

So, this happened. It is a blog post from a male (extrapolating from the name Jason,
unless that's now a popular girls name among the
Upper-East-Side/Connecticut Suburbs set) who has taken it upon
himself to manslpain how to be attractive to women. I'm no raging
feminist myself, but I know better than this. I don't go around
telling women how to do their jobs. I have been known to mansplain
things, but I never do it intentionally. If I'm called on it I stop
because honestly I can see how that shit would be annoying. When
someone writes a whole blog post, a man that is, telling women how to
be attractive to men... no pun intended, but that takes balls. So I'm
going to run down these 17 things and let you know if this guy is
full of shit or not (spoiler alert; he is.)

They
are Happier – You know what's always happy? Puppies. Who doesn't
want a woman who has the temperament of a puppy? Wait... in a way
that could kind of be awesome... bu... no. No, no human is always
happy, and if they are they are most likely on the happiest of happy
pills. Real actual humans have ups and downs. It's possible to have
a sunny outlook and a positive demeanor even in the worst of times,
but the writer is definitely describing a puppy, not a grown woman.
He says that all the people he meets at work are “bored” and
“standoffish.” Is that a function of their unattractiveness or
is it the effect you have on people? Think about it.

They Don't Complain About Their
Bodies – Here the writer almost, ALMOST makes a decent point. No
one expects perfection in real life, and striving for it is
fruitless. He's doing so well on this point but then has to add “One
we actually get to hook up with” implying that flawed women are
hot because they're attainable. If the writer had any chance
of hell in landing a “airbrushed model” he'd kick the rest of
you imperfect women to the curb. Lucky for you ladies, he's stuck
chasing the attainable woman.

They Actually Don't Complain Much
Period – Have a bad day? Keep that shit to yourself! It makes you
ugly!The writer makes the classic mistake of thinking that women
talk about their problems to find a solution. It took me years to
figure out that women sometimes solve their problems simply by
conversing about them with others. The act of having someone listen
allows people to vent their emotions on a subject and reflect upon
it rationally. But it also makes you ugly, so don't do it. Bottle up
all that negative emotion and channel it into, I assume, cooking and
cleaning.

They Wear Dresses – I have to
admit, I much prefer dresses on women than anything else, but that's
just that, my preference. I mean, there's a reason women wear
dresses and gowns to fancy events. To assert that this is the only
way a woman can be attractive is asinine. There's no evidence that
pants make a woman ugly. The writer asserts that dresses “make us
look at you like a man is supposed to look at a woman.” Um,
sexually? That's how we are supposed to look at women? Only? Do men
have to look at all women who wear dresses sexually? Because that
could cause a problem at work... any work. This is probably why all
of the writer's coworkers are standoffish.

They Make a Guy Feel Special –
This point is not actually too bad. He at least asserts that making
an effort to impress the other person is a two-way street.

They Are Kind - Who doesn't like
kindness? At this point he is just describing what makes a person a
good person, not what makes someone attractive. He should add to this point "doesn't murder children," because that is also a trait found in good people. Unless, you know, they try to murder you first.

They NEVER Talk About Exes –
Again, this may be a good rule for people in general. Who wants to
hear about their significant others exes all the time? This is
just common sense. However, if there are some real issues that a
woman needs to discuss to be able to maybe move past some stuff in
her past, you as her man should be able to suck it up and listen.
It's idiotic to pretend that your girl is a virgin. That's
delusional, and delusional thinking is not attractive at all sir.

She Let's Me Take the Lead – Ah
here we go, SUBMISSION! No woman should leave home without it. The
writer asserts that being feminine involves deference to his wishes.
I used to date a girl who had no will of her own and I hated it. I
agree that the perfect relationship is one where the two individuals
compliment each other. The writer contradicts himself here though;
he wants a woman who can be her own person, but also defers to him.
Don't be weak! Stand up for yourself! Don't stand up to me! Damn,
being attractive is hard.

She Isn't a Dead Fish in Bed –
Again, this isn't just for women; this is for everyone. Don't suck
in bed, it's a given. And if the man sucks in bed, well, see #3 and #5.

They Aren't Businesslike – Hey I
hear women are working now! That's swell! I am trying to figure out
if this blog was written in 1952. The writer is basically saying
“Hey, it's cool that you work, but don't bring it up to me. Keep
it to yourself along with your hopes, fears, ex-boyfriends, worries,
and personal preferences. Those aren't things I need to know about
you.”

They Cook – Everyone should
cook. A woman who can cook is a plus, but not a necessity, and you
certainly aren't unattractive if you can't cook. Dumb-ass.

She's Encouraging, but Not Bossy –
Going along with the theme of shutting your big trap, the writer
feels that an attractive woman only expresses herself when it is in
support of her man. When the writer talks about his problems, he
doesn't want the woman to offer suggestions or alternatives, he
wants her to just sit and listen to his problems in exactly the way
he is unwilling to do for her. Fascinating. The hypocrisy I mean.
Fascinating. Christ, there's 5 more of these?

They're Athletic – Translation;
No Fat Chicks.

They Drink in Moderation –
Addendum; No DRUNK fat chicks.

They Keep Our Couple Secrets –
OK so the writer doesn't want you talking to him, but he does not
want you talking to your friends and loved ones either. Is he a cult
leader?

She's Close With Her Parents –
No fat chicks, no drunks, and no orphans. Also, apparently being a
single child or from a small family makes you unattractive. So if
you can somehow change that, you should. You know, to be more
attractive.

She Doesn't Take Herself Too
Seriously – OK I have to agree with him on this one. I could never
be with someone who takes herself very seriously. Levity is what
keeps me going. Again, the writer takes it too far, suggesting that
anyone who is “neurotic” is going to make your life “a whole
lot worse.” If you can try and never have had anything bad ever
happen to you, that would be ideal.

So, that's how a woman becomes
attractive. Easy right? No? This guy should go fuck himself? Yeah,
probably. Again, you can see the original article here.

Want to Syndicate Me?

About Me

Exit Eleven refers to the Exit off of the NJ Turnpike of which I have lived most of my life (I have lived off of Exits 10 and 9 for a few years) but most of my life I've lived off of Exit 11. It's a Jersey thing, some people are proud of and some people despise it, but we all know what exit we live off of. It is sort of ingrained in our DNA. I happen to be proud of it, and my state. That's why I named my Blog after it.

Exit 11 is mostly reader driven, meaning I write about what people around me want to read about at the time, or what is going on in my life at the time. Other times I just write about whatever is going on socially. Hopefully it's funny, but it's always relevant. Mostly.

I'm just a normal guy who has an opinion about absolutely everything under the sun. I am a combination Writer/Psychologist, which gives me a unique perspective on life, the universe, and everything. My two favorite subjects are Love and Race, but I cover everything eventually.