I recently paid a visit to my local shopping centre to confront my local supermarket about the price of a recently-purchased jar of rhubarb, and was sick and disgusted at what I found. Hundreds of children, all lining up like lemmings for the new instalment of The Adventures of Harry Potter: Boy Wizard. This controversial book series has been boycotted by tens of millions of readers worldwide for its promotion of witchcraft. Despite the overwhelming pressure on bookstores and libraries to ban the series, the authorities continue to sit by idly while our youth are secretly corrupted and brainwashed with blatantly pagan and un-Christian ideals.

Hollywood has ignored the overwhelming opposition to the series and released a trilogy of films starring big-name actors such as Maggie Smith, Robbie Coltraine and Christopher Lee. Like the books they were based on, these movies were almost universally regarded by critics (myself included) as a disappointment. Their controversy and failure at the box office were clearly not enough to deter the producers, who show no signs of stopping. J.K. Rowling, the series’ author, continues to write tired, derivative sequels, no doubt in an effort to further brainwash the young audience to fill her devil-horned piggy-bank.

Still not convinced? Here are just a few of the books’ many hidden suggestions of witchcraft, perversion and devil worship:

“Dear Mr. Potter… We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.” (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, Page 42; subtle reference to witchcraft and wizardry)

“‘Thirteen and a half inches. Yes. Powerful want, very powerful, but in the wrong hands…’” (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Page 64; subtle phallic innuendo)

“‘I’m not putting them on,’ said old Archie with indignation. ‘I like a healthy breeze round my privates thanks.’” (Harry Potter and the Goblet of First Born Blood, Page 77; A Wizard clearly practicing cross-dressing)

“Harry doesn’t know how long it will take to wash the sticky cream cake off his face. For a civilised young man it is disgusting to have dirt on any part of his body. He lies in the high quality china bathtub, keeps wiping his face, and thinks about Dali’s face, which is as fat as the bottom of Aunt Penny. (Harry Potter and Leopard Walk Up To Dragon [Chinese Edition], Page 1; fetish/fantasising, poor use of present tense)

“‘Dumbledore had better not find out about this,’ said Ron, as he sacrificed the final chicken to the Lord of Darkness” (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Alakazam, Page 299; clear evidence of Satanic ritual)

I was shocked to see several parents waiting in line for the latest book as well! These oblivious men and women -clearly in a minority- were blissfully unaware that their children were being spoon-fed pure evil under their very noses.

My fellow Christians, I implore you; spread the word of this great injustice. Don’t let our children grow into Satan-worshipping drug dealers. We must stop this evil, before it’s too late.

But don’t take my word for it. Take poor Ashley’s.

“I used to believe in what they taught us at Sunday School,” said Ashley, conjuring up an ancient spell to summon Cerebus, the three-headed hound of hell. “But the Harry Potter books showed me that magic is real, something I can learn and use right now, and that the Bible is nothing but boring lies.” (Source: The Onion)

Shame on you, Mr. Rowling. Shame on you.

Ethel Roberts is the acclaimed author of What Your Children REALLY Get Up To, now available from Richard Wilkins Press. She is currently working on her side project; a gospel album of sing-a-long organ music for teenagers.