Discussions By Condition: Male sexual conditions

Low Sex Drive For 25: Possibly Low Testosterone?

I've been reading these threads and understand completely what some of the women who are with gentleman lacking a sex drive are going through. I have some idea of the men, although to me their side remains more or less a riddle.

My boyfriend is young, 25 years old. I met him when he was nineteen. We had a long distance romance four years, whenever we would meet he would be sexual with me and seemed to enjoy it, as well as get into it. He was never overly sexual though, it was maybe once a week at most. When I came to live in his country our sex became less, once every two weeks, then three, etc. I've been living here almost three years and in the last year (we have been together seven) I have had sex with him twice! For a long time during the last year he didn't even want oral sex. Now within the last four or so months he allows me to give him oral sex, which he loves and tells me that he loves it because he doesn't have to do anything. We finally had sex a little over a month ago, which was monumental, he said it was nice for him. Once in a very great while he will touch me and aid me in reaching my own climax. He doesn't seem to mind when I pleasure myself beside him. When I have talked with him at length, he tells me he simply doesn't feel for sex or is very a sexual person, and that he is someone who is interested to try new things and when he does them he is satisfied, he doesn't have that drive so much anymore. He will say he desires me sexually sometimes, finds me attractive and beautiful, but that he doesn't really get into sex the way I do and simply doesn't feel for it.

At one point I felt he may be gay and asked him, he said no. I said maybe you are not comfortable with that aspect of your person but that if he has doubts of his sexuality he may like to let me know so I can decide what to do. He said he is not gay and that the only curisoity he has ever had was regarding transexuals because he found that aspect of sexuality interesting. I said perhaps you are bisexual? He said no, that he doesn't desire or see men in that way. We went through a phase where he explored those two possibilities, he would chat with males his age and said that while emailing them dirty mails was fun, it was not particularly a turn on, he felt more like a tease. I had secretly read one and he typed to them he was not gay but experiemting. He mentioned it wouldn't have mattered if it was males or females and that he has talked with females as well and it doesn't particularly do much for him, though he does look at females in a sexual way, as opposed to males. I asked him if he feels he may be asexual? He said possibly, that he feels there are other ways to express love than through physical means.

I suggested an open sexual relationship, maybe he plays with other people and I do as well, he wouldn't have that. He said he MIGHT forgive me if I slept with a man, if I was drunk, if there were no emotional attachments because he understands how frustrated I am, but that no, he doesn't like it and doesn't want to know. He absolutely doesn't want me with men he said, and if I were to be with women he wouldn't want to know, although it would be easier for him to swallow if he found out.

He went through a phase where he sought female friends (we were having problems) and met someone through the net and sent her lingerie. He told me about it and ended the friendship after apologizing for hurting me. He said it was a funny thing for him to do and he was curious, but that he was not attracted to her or had much in common with her, it was someone to email and talk with nothing more or less. I suggested I leave him, mentioned he may be happier with someone else, maybe I just don't do it for him and that's okay, he said no and ended the friendship with her right away.

He will kiss me tenderly, hug me, spank my butt sometimes playfully if he is close to me in the kitchen. He will hug and kiss me as soon as he comes home from work and tells me how much he loves me. Every morning he will kiss me before leaving and sometimes lay his head against mine or against my shoulders for several minutes. I can tell he loves me. I have suggested he go to the doctors, he seems VERY tired all the time, very calm and almost too layed back. He is usually always wants to lay on the couch and sleep. He is tired often, from work usually, but it seems he is tired anyway. He eats a lot of crap food, but works out maybe three or four times a week. He used to have a weight problem, but is simmer now. His penis is not large and sometimes I have noticed when giving him oral sex that it doesn't get as hard as my X's would, I have often wondered if he has issues maintaining an erection or even getting one and if that is the problem.

I am not satisfied with our sex life, although sometimes I am alright with it because I find that my sex drives comes and goes. But I wonder sometimes if his lack of sex drive is a reflection of his feelings for me and that saddens me. He tells me no, he just doesn;t feel for sex much. I will not end the relationship because of it, he is a good person and kind in so many ways. I love him deeply. I have asked if he would like to maybe be with others, if he has considered the possibilityt that just becaue he isn't into it with me doesn't mean it would be the same with someone else, and he said no, he doesn't really think about that. That he is happy with me. I have history with him as well, he and I have both taken that into consideration and that is another reason he and I do not wish to break it off. But, this does hurt at times, only because I doubt he understands my need to truly be one with him in the physical sense, it's not just about getting off, but about being close. If it's a medical condition I would be so relieved. If it's me, then I feel I need to let him go, even though he tells me it's not.