Doyle Hardwick only wanted to check his Facebook without his wife sitting next to him, so he tried to get her to go to bed with beer. But after consuming eight of them, his wife didn’t feel like moving and Hardwick called 911.

Caller (CLR) “says him and his wife are sitting next to each other,” the 911 transcript reads. “CLR is upset because she won’t go to bed. Now they are bickering about who has been drinking. CLR has had 4 beers. Wife has had 8 beers. … CLR is upset because she wouldn’t let him look at Facebook peacefully.”

When police arrived at the couple’s home, 54-year-old Julie Hardwick let them in and directed them towards her husband who was still on the phone with 911. Doyle Hardwick told the deputy that his wife was supposed to go to sleep after he gave her the beers because that was their agreement. “He wanted me to make his wife not sit next to him and go to bed like she was supposed to,” the deputy wrote in his report.

“I just wanted someone to make my wife do what I wanted her to do,” Hardwick told the deputy.

He was arrested and charged with misuse of 911. He would later plead guilty to the charge but fail to show up to start serving his 60 day jail sentence. An arrest warrant was issued and Hardwick turned himself in on Tuesday to start serving his time.

That may seem like a harsh sentence, but this isn’t the first time Hardwick has abused 911. In 2010, he served 10 days in jail after calling 911 to report his neighbors were, “defecating in old vehicle fuel tanks.” He also asked the responding deputy for a ride to his daughter’s house.

Congratulations Mr. Hardwick, this just may be the dumbest story I’ve ever covered.

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