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The 2012 Grammy Awards surely satisfied my need for shoe porn

The Grammys may be as good as it gets when it comes to watching crazy fashions waltz down the red carpet, and this year was no exception. On Feb. 12, I poured myself a Cosmo, strapped on my bunion splints, kicked up my heels and turned on the tube to see what the likes of Lady Gaga and Rihanna would come up with for the awards ceremony.

Always the showstopper, Gaga stepped out of her limo in a futuristic femme fatale getup, complete with a gold cane and head-to-toe sequined netting. Actually, for Ms. Germanotta, the look was quite demure and understated.

Rihanna looked stunning in a black Armani gown that bared her back, plunged in the front and featured a thigh-high slit to show off her toned legs. Her shoes were something I – and my fellow ladies with bunions – could only dream of wearing, as they featured a very tiny, pointy cap toe and clear plastic over the heel. If I were to wear those, it would look like my feet were turning into the Incredible Hulk.

Let's talk about Swedish dance-pop star Robyn's footwear for a second. She's a lovely girl, she truly is. But what on God's green Earth was going on below her ankles? Robyn wore flatform construction boots. You heard me: leather Caterpillar boots with a good three-inch flatform – not a platform, mind you, but a straight platform from toe to heel. They were so hideous that I almost forgot to mention that she wore what appeared to be a men's white t-shirt with a satin mullet skirt, that's short in the front, and long in the back, for those of you who don't know. I can't even…let's just move on.

Taylor Swift looked more grown-up than I've ever seen her, almost like a young Nicole Kidman. She donned a gorgeous gold beaded gown with a sheer mesh panel on the décolletage area, and paired it with simple metallic t-strap heels. I must say, however, that her stylist could have done a much better job finding shoes that fit, as it appeared that her big toe was hanging off the front of the platform. The girl may be young, but she can still develop bunions that way.