At 7 p.m tonight (June 13, 2012), Counting Crows will be performing live at the Saranac Brewery. Granted, Counting Crows probably peaked years ago. However, for only 40 bucks, you’d be foolish not to be singing along to the live version of Mr. Jones. Regardless of its proximity, I’m anticipating a very “pasty” crowd tonight. Comically speaking, the singing and dancing alone should be worth the price of admission. Even though Thursday is your “ideal” night to drink in Utica, I’m just glad to be dodging the riffraff (Italians) scampering around Varick St for a change. Calm down meatball, I’m only kidding… See you there!

Chances are, you’ve seen Mrs. Doubtfire a couple of times. I.e., movie theaters, bus trips, rented VHS copy, hung over on a Sunday afternoon, etc. Anyways, check out the recut trailer to this gem from the 90’s… You’ll be glad you did.

10.) You as a kid: “You would never have guessed it, but I actually use to be kind of cute”.

9.) Duck face: How it became a popular trend to pose like this is beyond me. Ladies, trust me on this one, this facial expression is very difficult to masturbate to.

8.) Shirtless mirror shot: When I look into a mirror, it’s for one of two reasons; I’m either sprucing up, or I’m doing the mangina pose. Regardless, the last person who I want to see in a mirror is you, bro.

7.) Your pet: I honestly don’t mind if you upload a couple pictures of that little Chinese delicacy of yours. However, setting that “sumbitch” as your default picture makes you look like you have some sort of hidden agenda. With that being said, do us a favor and upload a picture of your peanut butter supply… I have a feeling that it’s pretty impressive.

6.) No picture: Hey, if this is the best picture you have, then so be it. BTW, I hear that women find mysterious men very irresistible.

5.) An ultrasound: The beginning stages of proud mom syndrome, and soon to be removed friend.

4.) A picture of your baby: The finalized stage of proud mom syndrome, and one of the most annoying people on your friends list. Your best bet is to click “remove as friend” (unless they’re family of coarse)

3.) A webcam mug shot: There’s a 50% chance that the person who’s gazing into your soul is a serial rapist.

Seeing how everyone seems to be getting married these days, I figured I’d do a post on the most important aspect of every wedding, the reception. Now, the keys to having a successful wedding reception are quite simple; open bar and solid entertainment. Open bar is probably one of the easiest decisions you’ll have to make, but as far as the entertainment goes, there’s a lot of musical acts to choose from. With that being said, if you’re thinking about going with a Wedding DJ, then you should really consider checking out Butterfly Spin Productions. Butterfly Spin Productions is a professional entertainment company that specializes in providing primetime deejays, eloquent emcees, and custom tailored visual effects for your special day. On the other hand, you could just have your cousin play music off his iPod… I’m sure that’ll be a hit too!

“I’m not about to read all of this shit”, that’s fine. Just keep in mind, reading something other than a status update might not be the worst thing for your illiterate ass. But “I’m juss sayiiin”…

Three Negative Aspects of Christmas Eve

Awkward Family Photos:

While you’re making multiple trips to your parents refrigerator, you’ll probably noticed something strange. Such as, a family that you didn’t even know existed. Why on earth a picture of them is on “your” fridge is beyond you… but god damn, those are some ugly looking kids.

Wet Socks:

Getting together with family is a common Christmas Eve tradition. Furthermore, it’s only a matter of time before the person who never takes their shoes off arrives. Before you know it, someone has just tracked snow in the house. That’s right, someone just tracked fucking snow in the house, and you’re the poor bastard who stepped in it. Great, now you’ve gotta change one sock. Fuck it, maybe you’ll just go bare foot. Then again, your feet are probably disgusting. Your best bet is to just kiss that wet sock goodbye, and grab yourself a dry one. Read the rest of this entry →