The are ALL like that. . . including the fake ones you see writing 'turenchi' on the www. If you want 'attachment', please go to another race.Black peeps are NOT capable of 'attachment'.I have learned to 'attach' myself. . .the best attachment kpa kpa.I nor need am!

No who get heart. . . na im others fit break. Not this woman. Please, they can keep the attachment. . . I only want the dee-k! Thank God for open marriages. If you can't get what you want. . . go 'shopping'.Thank God for my "ashewo" NOKIA!

i have been married for almost 5 years and courted for two years, i have always found my husband to be very detached emotionally. what i mean is he (makes me feel) like he isn't part of our unit. sure he is a great provider but on an emotional level hes very into himself. hes not very good at one on one time and Ive never been able to discuss things with him at a deep level, i mean i have but he hasn't got what i have meant. i have been looking into this on-line and found that others too find Nigerian , dare i say African , men very detached.

My dear, you are married for 5 years and courted for 2 years which is 7 years and you are asking our opinion on

why your husband is emotionally detached?

You should have known the answer by now because it is no longer new to you. Please, do not draw conclusion

based on what you read from this forum. Women equally withdraw to themselves depending on the situation. It is

not a man thing or related to Nija men only.

However, my opinion is try and findout why your husband is behaving like that and address the problem, since you

said he is a good provider. Again, why do you find it difficult discussing with your husband ? You can prepare his

The poster was obviously looking for your sympathy and not your reasoning hence the antagonism. @opThat behaviour is not perculiar to Nigerian men,it's an individual's thing. Anybody can behave like that depending on his personality or the off-putting attitude of his wife

I don't think the OP was trying to bash Nigerian men. Yes, that behavior isn't just a thing of Nigerian men but if you take a good look at certain cultures you can see a pattern in terms of the behavior of both genders. Like for example, I've noticed the Asian guys at my school seem to be very indifferent about certain issues or topics and rarely ever want to engage in certain discussions. At first I figures that it was perhaps just those particular individuals that I was talking to so I started to socialize with other Asian guys from other schools and it was pretty much the same thing. I don't wanna make generalizations but in my opinion, I would say that there is some truth to what the OP is saying.

I am tempted to agree with Nerd, that something transcend individuality and may be connected with race, i said may.@ waybalooMost African men are that way, detached, i believe it has to do with their nature or should i say their environment. Many Nigerian men feel "Great" about themselves in as much as they can adequately provide for their family and often feel "what more can she ask for" . they rather want their wives to come out clean with what is bothering them rather than them to waste "valuable " time probing what she wants.

Thanks for your responses, its interesting to hear other opinions. Hence my question here today. Of course it is something I have been aware of for a long time I just wondered if it was something akin to his culture. Maybe it is maybe it isnt, but I have noticed similar behaviours in other male members of his family. Of whom I have spent the last few years getting to know really well.

It is not in an African man's nature to show and express love outwardly to their spouse. So that you dont take them for granted or feel you have them in your pocket and turn them into woman wrapper. But they are different when it comes to their children. Although most may not say they "love" the child, but they show it . Only the really emotionally weak men behave like your husband, and go out of their way to be detached. I am sure you can break his type down easily.

First of all, i'm dead sick of all these "Nigerian this" and "Nigerian that" threads. We are humans like you and not "brand names". Secondly, this behavior has nothing to do with race. Some men (including myself) protect ourselves with a shell to avoid certain embarassments that occur when a man opens up 100% to a woman e.g putting his private life and affairs in the open JUST AS YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE! Call me a mysognist if you prefer (like i give a damn) but you women talk a lot and a lot of times,what you talk about are things the "victims" would rather be kept secret. Woe betide any man who bares his entire soul to a woman. Finally, you women are drama addicts. Even when your home is peaceful,blessed and stress free, you always look out for something to nag about e.g he doesn't think i'm the most beautiful woman anymore/he thinks i'm fat/he works too much/he doesn't work hard enough/he spends all his time in the office "abandoning" me and the kids. . .bla bla bla. No wonder men die mostly from heart related illness these days!

It is not in an African man's nature to show and express love outwardly to their spouse. So that you dont take them for granted or feel you have them in your pocket and turn them into woman wrapper. But they are different when it comes to their children. Although most may not say they "love" the child, but they show it . Only the really emotionally weak men behave like your husband, and go out of their way to be detached. I am sure you can break his type down easily.

harakiri:

First of all, i'm dead sick of all these "Nigerian this" and "Nigerian that" threads. We are humans like you and not "brand names". Secondly, this behavior has nothing to do with race. Some men (including myself) protect ourselves with a shell to avoid certain embarassments that occur when a man opens up 100% to a woman e.g putting his private life and affairs in the open JUST AS YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE! Call me a mysognist if you prefer (like i give a damn) but you women talk a lot and a lot of times,what you talk about are things the "victims" would rather be kept secret. Woe betide any man who bares his entire soul to a woman. Finally, you women are drama addicts. Even when your home is peaceful,blessed and stress free, you always look out for something to nag about e.g he doesn't think i'm the most beautiful woman anymore/he thinks i'm fat/he works too much/he doesn't work hard enough/he spends all his time in the office "abandoning" me and the kids. . .bla bla bla. No wonder men die mostly from heart related illness these days!

As has already been said certain cultures are defined by certain behaviours and I have observed that african men are indeed not outwardly affectionate, I know that from our friends. Saying that Africa is a big place! I too am a very private person, extremely private and discreet. I rarely write on forums, that said there is nothing wrong with the limited information I have divulged. If more men opened up then women wouldnt be left wondering what the As for the "nigerian" element of the question despite our years together I am still learning about my husband and his culture and he is a nigerian man. In any event dont be bitter.

First of all, i'm dead sick of all these "Nigerian this" and "Nigerian that" threads. We are humans like you and not "brand names". Secondly, this behavior has nothing to do with race. Some men (including myself) protect ourselves with a shell to avoid certain embarassments that occur when a man opens up 100% to a woman e.g putting his private life and affairs in the open JUST AS YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE! Call me a mysognist if you prefer (like i give a damn) but you women talk a lot and a lot of times,what you talk about are things the "victims" would rather be kept secret. Woe betide any man who bares his entire soul to a woman. Finally, you women are drama addicts. Even when your home is peaceful,blessed and stress free, you always look out for something to nag about e.g he doesn't think i'm the most beautiful woman anymore/he thinks i'm fat/he works too much/he doesn't work hard enough/he spends all his time in the office "abandoning" me and the kids. . .bla bla bla. No wonder men die mostly from heart related illness these days!

Ya know, I was gonna agree with what you were saying until you started to spew all that mysoginist jargon. I find it funny that you tell the OP not to group people based on a particular behavior yet you managed to do the same by speak as though all women were the saem.

waybaloo:

My obervations are that nigerian men are so intent on creating their dynasty that they lose sight of who they are creating the dynasty for. And everything else going on for that matter. Well, of course they are creating it for themselves but it is also for their immediate nuclear family. Not just their ego. The ego is the main difference I see compared to western men. A western man may have an ego but of the ones I know it isnt determined by their material wealth.

I don't think the poster wants to insult nigerian men or need advise as to how to get her hubby out of his shell.I think she just wants us to discuss male introverts.She only used her hubby as an example

some men not all are like that. I have no communication probs with my man but they are dayz I sometimes let him be for a while if I notice there is something bothering him and would always go back to find out what it was and yea he just let it all out.Don't mind people insulting you jare, them no get work.

It was a crime before to see some african men cry, lol thank goodness for women that have learnt to break some of them.