So, yeah, Fear is a hard habit to break. This occurred to me this morning after meditation. Odd thing to think about after meditation, I know. For some reason I came out of it thinking again about that quote, the life you want is waiting just behind Fear. And I thought, am I waivering now that it's been over a couple months since I set the Fear Chair down? Am I burdened again by Fear? Do I sit out on life because of Fear? Have I backslid?

Yup.

Wow.

Did I type that out loud?

Crap.

Well, hey, I guess I am human. AND Fear IS hard to break. As I said in my FCP posts, Fear is also insidious. It is also primal. Years ago, I addressed anger issues, confronted my Anger, healed my Anger. Anger is a tough response to overcome also, but Anger is not a primal emotion. Anger was not genetically programmed into me through thousands of years of survival necessity. Anger was not born in me, it was my CHOICE. Something happened, I chose to feel Anger about it. Therefore in the healing process, I simply learned to change my response.

Fear too is a choice but it is different than Anger. The response of Fear is not so much a choice, Fear HAPPENS. The choice is in the response to Fear happening. It's like the difference between alcoholism and an eating dissorder. An alcoholic just stays away from the trigger, alcohol to heal (which by the way is VERY complex and hard, I am not belittling the difficulty here). Someone with an eating dissorder can't just stay away from food. People need to eat. A person with an eating dissorder needs to eat but can't give in to the trigger. It's a balance. It's a lifetime of everyday, every food reference and meal, watching the response.

Every time Fear is triggered, we must respond, or watch our response and choose determinedly to walk through it if we don't want Fear running our lives. And lately I've not been watching so closely. I've been skirting my Fear rather than walking through it. Trying to go around it. Ok, avoiding it.

Crap.

I've got some more work to do on my website and I've put it off all week. Time to step up to the table. From the movie Auntie Mame, "Life is a banquet and too many damned fools are starving to death!" 'Tis time I hold myself accountable again. Time to step up, through that Fear and fill myself with the abundance that awaits!