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Bill, remember when you called the police - the same people you wanted to bomb as a domestic terrorist - to protect you from Jessie Waters of Fox News? Were you at all concerned that they might whip your skinny ass instead of protecting you? I could understand the temptation.

Bill, I want to apologize for my “Were you at all concerned that they might whip your skinny (offensive term deleted) instead of protecting you?” question I sent you yesterday. It was clearly inappropriate. In 2008, America is a downright mean country and there’s no excuse for me to so casually contribute to America’s meanness.

Bill, please take another look at my message. It was intended as a jab against Michelle Obama. Recently, she said that, in 2008, America is a downright mean country. Yet, she and her husband, aspiring to occupy the White House, associate with a man who bombed the Pentagon and Capitol.

Bill, I just got some very disturbing information from a man who infiltrated your terrorist organization during the 1970s. He said that (while you and your fellow terrorists were building bombs) you (specifically, you, tenured Professor Bill Ayers) said that the bombs were best filled with nails or staples to maximize efficacy. By that, did you mean maximize efficacy in causing human death?

Bill, the Federal agent from whom I received this information also stated that you said that some innocent people have to die in a revolution. This was while he was spying on you from within your domestic terrorist group. The context was that you were planning to bomb a police headquarters. He alleges that he pointed out that a restaurant was located next door to the police station - adding that families dine there and some innocents might be harmed by the blast. He (the federal agent) says that was precisely when you said that some innocent people have to die in a revolution.

Bill, clearly I am not confused, whether habitually or otherwise. I am being misled by someone. Could you just tell me who is lying?

a) Bill Ayers, or
b) The former federal agent.

I would be more than willing to print your version of events or, alternately, your apology. I promise to quote you fully and without any distortion whatsoever.

Bill, your failure to respond to my message makes it pretty clear to me that you have, in fact, endorsed the position that the taking of innocent life is a necessary aspect of your revolutionary mindset. Now, I have come across additional information indicating that you are, in fact, an advocate of violence as a means of accomplishing your political goals. This is an odd position, indeed, for a tenured educator.

Yesterday, I saw a copy of a book you co-wrote with your wife. Apparently, the book was out of circulation for awhile but has now resurfaced. Remarkably, the book is dedicated to Sirhan Sirhan. He’s the man who assassinated Robert F. Kennedy on Jun 5th of 1968.

This is shocking because it adds an interesting aspect to your support of terrorism; namely, that you are also a supporter of Islamic terrorists who kill our own leaders.

Bill, if Barack Obama is elected President, and, God forbid, killed by a Muslim terrorist, would you write another book and dedicate it to his assassin? Am I still confused and wrong, Bill? Or am I beginning to understand what kind of scumbags are to be found in the circle of friends of one Barack Hussein Obama?

Bill, given your refusal to answer my questions, I have no other choice than to drive to Chicago with a cameraman in the hopes that I can get a permanent record of your responses to my very important questions. I have obtained your home address and directions to the house where you and your fellow terrorist (and wife) reside. We are coming to seek an interview with you and you simply have no choice in the matter.

I want to avoid another embarrassing episode where you are forced to call the police to escort you to your car. Perhaps I should have used the phrase “ironic episode” because, remember, these are the people whose headquarters you have bombed in the past.

Is there some public café or other gathering place where we can go where you will feel less afraid and less in need of protection? We will meet face-to-face, Bill, that much is inevitable. I want you to feel as comfortable as possible.