Discover what happens after the break-up

Entanglements

I’m trying to work on me and my goals. Rededicate myself to them. And now I find I need new ones. The old ones have the stamp, and stink of me and Tina on them. I cannot think of them without her in the picture. I mean literally I think about trips and I see/want her there, because we came up with those things together. it can’t be this way. I cannot just stop building my life, and I won’t. Still, the image are still fresh, and it will take some time. In the mean time I need to find a way to concentrate on my goals without being distracted by the unhappiness in my life. And there is no doubt that right now, I am not happy.

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One bit of advice I found in my vast research on recovery from a break up was to attach new memories to places and events. I am still in the process of doing just that so I can’t conclude how effective the method is but here it is:

You don’t avoid the places you went together. You go back and purposefully create new memories and experiences to replace those old ones.

You don’t avoid the music that reminds you of her (that special song/music she liked that you now like) but listen to it and allow it to become ‘generic’ by doing new things while it is on and thinking of things unrelated to her.

You plan special and completely different things to do on specials days with other people for example.

I have had some success so far but I had to approach it incrementally because some things were too painful to deal with at the time. I also began only when I felt particularly strong and able.

I have heard this, dotbar. I in fact ran across a book about re-writing your “story” that is supposed to help in doing this. I’ve been meaning to read it I think a part of me put it off, because there was that side of me that wanted reconciliation, and did not want destroy everything in mind and heart. I’m now in that place where I know I must, and will. I will try what you say.

I understand that. It takes time to get to that point and even now I have a little part of me that wants to reconcile though I know there’s no going back. Soon it will not be there at all. You’ll get there too–the pain isn’t endless, thank God.