Ok for anyone who hasn't heard yet. I left Mark. He's a mess (from what I've heard.)But I refuse to be used and even worse, lied to.He didn't know me as well as he thought he did.I am not a pushover. And I will not let anyone walk all over me.

I'm much happier now.Not so stressed all the time.By my next paycheck, even after taking out my everquest bill,I will have $2,000 in the bank.Amazing how money adds up when you're not paying some one elses child support.

There is something else... but.. the world isn't ready for that yet.I'll tell ya later. =)

I just found out that the vet is coming to take Thunder away today to have him put to sleep.Mom took him this morning to see them,And they say that along with the heart worms and lime disease we've been treating him for, he has an enlarged prostate that we can't opperate on because of the other two.And they say he's in a lot of pain because of it. And is slowly starving to death. And gave him a week at the most to live.They were going to put him to sleep there but mom made them let her take him home for a few hours so we could all say good-bye to him.I feel like I'm watching my brother die.I'm gonna miss him so much.

He's been with me for almost 11 years of my life.

I don't know who I can talk to when I'm mad at the world anymore?

Who's going to eat that first one of mom's chocolate chip cookies?

Who's going to walk all over town with me that can scare all the creepy people away so effectively?

For any of you that know my "puppy" Thunder,He's not doing so good right now.He's getting really old.He won't eat or come to us when we call him.His ribs are starting to show through his fur really badly.He's been throwing up a lot.Mom and Dad say that if he doesn't start eating and getting better soon.....If he doesn't pass away on his own, they are going to have him put down,So he won't slowly starve to death.I want my puppy to get better.

1. One secret.2. One compliment.3. One non-compliment.4. One love note, but it does not have to be for me.5. Lyrics to a song.6. How old you are.7. How long we've been friends.8. And a hint to who you are.9. After you do it for me, put it in your LJ and see who does it for you.

HAS BEEN SLAUGHTERED!Wednesday, the Dragon who was once the sleeper...And then woke up to be bigger and badder than ever before.Was taken down!

What happened to the everquest lore that he was supposed to be ridiculously hard to kill!They made this one way too easy. But at least they updated his graphic to look a whole lot better.But still. It should have been a couple expansions more before anyone had the power to take him out.Soon, he'll have been killed on every server again. And taken out of the game for a second time.It's kind of sad, he was harder to kill when he was asleep for all those years.

I was trying to explain to him why he can't eat all Corey's snacks, and drink all of his juice boxes, or eat all of the breakfast stuff.I was trying to tell him, that if my baby brother doesn't have things like that to eat, in an emergency, if his blood sugar randomly dropped, he could DIE.And he tells me "Well that's his problem. I'm gonna eat whatever I want."

Craig had to remove me from the room I was getting so angry.I felt like ripping him to pieces with my bare hands.In fact, I tried. Which is why dad was standing in front of Eddie, and Craig was physically removing me from the room.

And then to top it off...After I calmed down and started to walk out of my room,I noticed everyone was on the basement stairs..So I went to see why..And see my dad killing a rat that was down there.And I almost threw up.And then I cried.

I, you're kind loving sister,am going to beat the hell out of you if you don't stop.I know you are a freshmen but you don't have to act like one.The things you say and do, don't make you look cool.

What's this that dad yelled at me fore today.He wanted to know why I didn't tell him you choke yourself with a belt.Because you were LYING to one of your friends saying that you choke yourself with it. And then you wake up in the middle of the night and choke yourself unless I take them away from you.

I have never seen you do this. And I have never taken your belts away.And If I did see you doing it, I'd choke you myself just to show you how immature and stupid you were acting!

Also. Just to add to the things you LIE to all your friends about.

When I buy Monsters, you don't steal them.So don't tell your friends you do. I give them to you.Because we share everything.

If you are going to LIE to your friends then at least leave my name OUT of it.

Stop talking about how you can make-out with Shellby for a whole thirty minutes or maybe even an hour. Woo! You're in the big time now aren't you!

Or try to brag just because you *gasp* can kiss girls. The line, "Shellby says she hates kissing but we sure do it a lot!" Isn't cool. Doesn't make you seem cool. It makes me want to slap you.Kindergarten kids are already kissing so who cares if you are.

No one cares if you hug, kiss, punch, sniff, or talk to any girl or guy.Your stories you tell just make you seem lame, not cool!So just stop. NO ONE CARES!Except maybe your little friends that are just as big of posers as you!

You're turning into the biggest poser I've ever met in my life.You're not cool.You're a freshmen lowlife that I would stuff in trash cans and give swirlies daily if I hadn't graduated.And I'm your sister.I'd hate to see what other kids would like to do to you.

Lol. It figures that I would start work on the same day as the first snow of the year!It was only a little. But snow is snow. And it's very cold.As for my first day... It was interesting. But pretty simple. Once I learn what goes on each kind of sub I think I can handle it. At least the two other girls there told the boss that I did good and kept busy. So he seemed happy. And yayyyyyyyy I passed my first test. He asked me how to make one of the subs and I got it right!Work was AWESOME compared to the walk home. It's a 20 minute walk. Up hill. Wind against you. And it's snowing. Yeah...it was cold. I would have rather stayed at work ALL DAY LONG than walk home.

Hmm yeah... That's pretty much it. Except... Jami, I finally heard from Dana. He says hanging out again sounds cool. He wants to know what's good for you?

First job interview was today. I think it went well but I guess I won't know until I get a call back. I shamelessly name dropped. Told the boss man that I was Sandy's daughter. He said lots of good things about my mom and said he was going to have a talk with her about why she didn't tell him I was the girl he was going to have an interview with.

He went on and on about how they have been in business 50 years and they have a reputation to keep. And how things have to be done exactly right. At least he laughed when I told him I'm mildly OCD when it comes to detail so he wouldn't have to worry about me missing something. About the only thing I think I have to worry about is me being quiet. He could hear me but he kept pointing out that I should practice speaking up a little.

Says he's got a few other people to interview. But then in the same breath he was telling me he was going to check their hours to see when he could put me in to see if I have the potential to learn how to do things the right way or not. So who knows. Hopefully I'll get a call back soon. And hopefully he went back and talked to my mom and she convinced him to hire me. I'll let you guys know how it turns out!

I don't understand how families can have so much hate for each other.Family is supposed to be the one thing you can count on.The point of safe return, even when it seems like you've gone too far.

But the truth is,Family doesn't work that way.Nothing in the world works that way anymore.Not continuously.

And then there are your friends.You know, the people you think would also be there for you.I'm not talking best friends here. But still considered good friends.It's nice when one of them is standing right next to you, makes eye contact, and then walks away.

Thanks. And by the way, we won't be hanging out anymore.I understand there are things that could keep us from ever being "best" friends.But I still did consider you my friend.Is "Hey Stephanie" too much to mutter when I say something to you when we see each other in public? I guess it is.

People now days aren’t born from human parents, they come from copy machines.

They’re all always trying to live off of some one else’s dream.They thrive off of being just like some one else.They do what everyone else does.Look like everyone else looks.Talk like everyone else talks.Act like everyone else acts.

And then…They fall short.They realize they can’t be like the other person they are trying to be.They can’t live up to the standards that other people have for themselves.(That’s just what they are, standards for their lives, not yours.)And then they wonder why. Why can’t they be,“just like them”?

Well my little ducklings, I do believe I have a suggestion for you.

Get a life. Your own preferably.

Stop complaining and motivate yourself to do something.If some one says you can’t do something that you are really passionate about, work at it and get better. Prove them wrong.If some one picks on you, don’t go home and cry about it, try and find a solution to the problem. If they say you stink, then you go take a shower, buy some cologne or perfume, and wash your laundry with pleasant smelling fabric softener.

Only you can change the way you look, dress, act, and feel.

If you don’t do anything to help yourself, the chance that nothing will change is very high. If you can help yourself, and become confident with who you are, nothing anyone says can put you down or stop you from being who and what you want to be.Make a difference. And do it in your own way.

You may not admit that you’re a cheap rip off of some one else you know.(I’m definitely not asking you to say you are. Nor am I pointing any fingers.)You can tell me all about how people copy you, or that you are completely original.I’ll take your word for it. But only you will know the truth.Or maybe it’s in flashing lights right over your head for the whole world to see.And you’re completely oblivious to it. I bet you thought you were being discreet.

So come on, what makes you want to be ‘them’ so badly?Maybe they are ‘prettier’ than you, the way they dress, and the way they act?Maybe they are excellent writers and can capture any emotion with words?Maybe they can draw masterpieces in only a few seconds?Maybe they can create music that makes souls come alive and dance?Maybe they have best friends and true love that so many others long for and never find?What is it that makes you want to be “just like them”?

I mean seriously, take a closer look at the ones you are trying to become.They aren’t perfect. They aren’t any better than you.It’s okay to be influenced by other people, but don’t try to become them.

We all have our own talents. And just because you want a talent, doesn’t always mean you can have it. Just because some one else is successful at what they are doing, doesn’t mean you will be if you try the same thing. Even if you are just as good as they are.

Get your priorities straight. And get out on your own. Make your own decisions. Just because your friends and family are doing one thing, or tell you that you should do something, doesn’t mean you have to do it.

You can’t base your life on some one else’s destiny.

There is a time in everyone’s life when they have to get out on their own and stop depending on everyone else. If you are physically and mentally capable of taking care of, and providing for yourself then do it. No one is stopping you. They can’t.No matter what anyone else thinks, no one can stop anyone from doing anything.Sometimes it’s just harder to achieve our goals.

So what if you had a ‘hard life?’ Learn from it.So what if your family is poor? That doesn’t mean you always have to be poor.So what if you were abused? You don’t have to carry on that tradition. Overcome it and get out of the situation?

So what if you’re afraid? You won’t always have other people to take care of you anyways.So what if it’s not socially acceptable? Almost nothing is anymore. We’re all stereotypical morons in one way or another.So what if your parents don’t want you to do something? Just because they created you doesn’t mean they control you. Agency belongs to everyone.So what if no one supports you? You don’t need them anyways.So what if blah blah blah happened? No one has a picture perfect life.

"We’re all caught up in this storybook of life. The one with no fairytale ending, and no once upon a time beginning."

If you don’t like something, then speak up. There is absolutely no sense in suffering through something just because one of your friends or family members likes it.You don’t have to be mean, just tell them you’re not interested.If they don’t like something you are into you would expect them to tell you right?No one can make you like anything. Or do anything.And if they dislike you just because you’re not that into some of the things that they are, chances are, they weren’t your real friend to begin with.

If you make a mistake. Admit it. Everyone else will know if you try to cover it up anyways, so what’s the point.Once you admit there is a problem, to yourself, and the people you are hurting, you can fix it.Just saying something is wrong won’t make it go away.You have to do something about it.And if you don’t realize what the problem is, take a look at the things around you.

People yell, scream, fight, and argue constantly when you are around.Certain people avoid you or lack an attention span when you talk to them.No one wants to listen when you tell him or her your problems.Or when they do listen they end up more stressed than you about it.People that used to come to you for advice don’t anymore.Your parents make everything seem like it’s your fault.Friends glare at you instead of smiling.The list could go on and on.

"Best friends means I pulled the trigger. Best friends means you get what you deserve."

Just…Think about what’s going on that could make people act this way.Or if you really don’t think it’s your fault, then tell the other person what they are doing is wrong.They might not know they are hurting you if you don’t say anything to them about it.Sometimes the problem could be so simply fixed you wouldn’t even know it.If certain conversations with some one lead to negative feelings, then don’t talk about it anymore.If some one makes you feel bad when you are around them, just don’t associate yourself with them anymore.

"I really do hate who I’ve helped you become."

The point I’m trying to make is that your life is yours and no one else’s.Just because you look up to some one or admire them, that doesn’t mean you have to be them.It’s good to have heroes and people to look up to, but you have to make your own life.

No one. And I mean no one can choose who you are.The government. Your parents. Your friends. Your dog. Nothing can make you into something you’re not.You have to find your own dreams and talents.You have to be yourself and depend on only yourself.

Complaining about all your problems and then apologizing for it won’t fix them.They will most likely just get worse.

So, make a plan. Motivate yourself.Prove everyone else that you are amazing.But most of all, prove that you can be you.Not just another copy machine baby.

"Life’s not meant to waste on over dramatics.

It’s to live happily, so I’m going to take some changes, be happy, and forget."

And if you take offense to this, maybe you should double-check your own insecurities.Because if something in this weren’t true about you, it wouldn’t have struck a nerve.