There’s no point judging yourself for having these nervous reactions, either. Feelings aren’t something we can control.

We can control our attitudes and actions towards these emotions, however.

2) You need to push yourself through (slight) discomfort

Now I want to make it clear that you don’t have to push yourself to unbearable limits and enter yourself into difficult social situation to “get over it”.

It might not help and will mostly likely hinder your progress.

Instead, it’s time to take action one small step at a time.

So if you get overly anxious when you have a conversation with someone new, the first step you could take is ordering a coffee at a cafe.

Once you’ve done that a few times, you’re next step can be to ask the waiter how there day has been.

Going through these mini-steps will help you build confidence.

The trick is to keep going slightly out of your comfort zone, but not so much that you’ll be discouraged to take action again.

2) Learn social rules and norms

A lot of us have trouble with interpersonal situations because there are many unwritten rules and norms that we don’t know about.

So while you won’t learn them all overnight, you need to understand the basic social norms and rules.

It’s not exactly practical to formally list every social norm and guideline, but there are books that give an overview of the most basic norms.

There’s a lot of information on the Internet explaining social norms in specific situations.

For example, there are detailed articles that cover how to behave in concerts, job interviews, at work etc.

If you do a specific Google search, chances are you might find some information for specific circumstances.

However, many social rules are unwritten, and you’re not going to get information on every single basic social rule.

You may be able to get someone to explain some to you. Maybe your friends or family can lend you a hand.

Usually, if you stick to being polite, kind and respectful of other people, you should be fine.

Sometimes you don’t want to be too direct in asking personal questions.

A great starting point is to learn from others and watch what they do. That will help you to avoid any mistakes they make.

Overtime you’ll begin to behave according to social norms without even being able to articulate why you’re behaving a certain way.

3) Learn routines

Many people will roll their eyes when they hear this, but learning social routines helped me a great deal.

I had pre-planned questions to ask people, pre-planned stories and even pre-planned jokes.

In fact, many of the socially best people out there naturally tell the same stories over and over again.

And what happens? They get better and better at telling it.

When you know exactly what you’re going to say, you don’t have to worry about thinking on the spot. Instead, you can speak slowly and confidently with great body language.

All it takes is a bit of preparation before a social interaction. Have questions to ask and stories to tell. You can even write it down on your phone in case you forget.

We’re always told to study and practice a subject to become an expert, but isn’t it funny that we never do the same for social interactions? It’s a huge part of our life and the better prepared you are, the better you’ll do.

5) Get fit

You may not like this one, but it’s fair to say that sitting in front of the TV or computer all day won’t do much for your self-esteem.

A sedentary lifestyle does little to raise your fitness level and confidence. But the truth is, being fit, feeling good and looking good will improve your self-esteem.

A few years ago, I was a skinny twig with a pot belly. Today, I have more muscle than I’ve ever had.

There’s no reason to judge others, either. We all have incredibly unique circumstances and there’s a logical reason for people act the way they do.

Learn about them. Be curious and genuine. Get outside of your head and your own problems and focus on others. It’s great way to get rid of self-consciousness.

Remember, listen carefully, and the follow up questions will come naturally.

In Conclusion

Being socially awkward is never fun, but I’m here to tell you that you can get over it. All it takes is a little bit of experience, a little bit of preparation, and within time you’ll be having a whole lot of fun.

Stick at it and you’ll get there.

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In 2018, the third year of Hack Spirit, I poured thousands of hours and considerable resources into creating these articles. It's a labor of love and remains free thanks to your patronage. If you found any value in these articles, please consider supporting what I do with a donation. Your support is what helps me to continue creating more Hack Spirit articles. To make a donation, select the amount and click the "donate" button below.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a more mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.