Bizarre crimes from Charlotte's police files (Sept. 19)

Golfer with balls

Cheap Shot: While most golfers hit on the pretty girls serving drinks from golf carts, one man at Tradition Golf Club decided he would try his luck in another way. A 22-year-old woman called police after catching a golfer allegedly stealing $3 out of her tip jar when he thought she wasn't looking.

Class dunce: Police responded to Mallard Creek High School last week after tensions between parents and staff reached an all-time high. A staff member told police that while he was in the parking lot as parents were picking up their kids, one woman almost hit him with her car. He said he became so irate that he shattered her front windshield with his walkie talkie.

Minion: A 36-year-old woman filed a police report after someone she was having problems with "brought a young child with them to the victim's residence to cause a disturbance." The report does not state the child's age but says that the suspect ordered the child to get a bat and attack the victim. The woman reported being hit but suffered no major injuries.

Pyromaniac: Police received a call at 4:30 a.m. last week about a homeless man wandering around the gas pumps at a local 7-Eleven. When officers arrived they found the man trying to light something on fire at one of the pumps. Further investigation revealed parts of bottle rockets shoved into the handles of gas pumps and burned. There were also burned dried-up leaves and a cigar wrapper in some other pumps, police say in an alleged attempt to blow them up. No serious damage was caused.

Just to Boast: A 49-year-old man filed an assault report last week, not to press charges but instead to let everyone know he is a badass. The man told police that during an argument with another man, the suspect attempted to punch him but "due to the victim's martial arts training he was able to block the blows." He also told officers that the suspect pushed him into a dresser but emphasized that "he was not hurt and suffered no injuries but wanted a report to document it."

Um, What?: Police were flagged down last week in Uptown at 2 a.m. by a man who "tried to report some sort of incident." Officers quickly realized the man was too intoxicated to make any sense, although they believe that at some point he said that his car was taken. As the victim's statements became more unintelligible, officers gave up and filed a non-criminal report.

Where Are You?: Police at Charlotte Douglas International Airport filed a report last week after someone reported overhearing someone on their cell phone making a statement about an airport, because nobody in an airport is ever allowed to talk about an airport.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.