No Baggage

This Yom Kippur, leave the guilt at home.

I looked at the pictures, just like you did, and wondered in total disbelief.

"Is that a car under all that water, or is it a boat?"

"For how long were those people stuck on their own roofs?"

"Didn't they realize that those levees weren't strong enough?"

"That couldn't be the Superdome, could it?"

"For heaven's sake, why didn't they get out while they could?"

Katrina, perhaps the greatest natural disaster ever to occur on American soil, has claimed countless casualties, destroyed the lives of every 'fortunate' survivor, and wreaked havoc with our pristine and invincible national psyche.

And while the corpses were yet damp and the downtown intersections still deluged, the obligatory finger-pointing could not wait. Read the press. Hear the news. Watch the circus. Today it's the Mayor, tomorrow it's Bush. "The engineers were amateurs." "God has spoken." FEMA was totally inept; the Governor should resign. It was a city of depravity; Ariel Sharon is the source of all things evil.

And so it goes. Scapegoats were vilified and proletarians were suddenly promoted to pundits. And all the while, funerals and burials became daily fare as hundreds of thousands wondered when Houston became a suburb of New Orleans.

A storm from hell has ravaged our coastline and permanently crumbled multitudinous lives. And what is our primary and immediate response? Recriminations and blame.

Sure, it's important to know what went wrong in the rescue efforts. We must learn from our mistakes. But couldn't The Fault Show have waited just a bit, so we could mourn and bury and regroup first? I suppose that's what feelings of helplessness can often cause.

Of course, blame is not an unfamiliar concept to the Jews. Two thousand plus years of Crusades, pogroms, holocausts and expulsions can do that to a People.

But blame, for all its damaging implications, also connotes responsibility – personal, familial, and communal. And Jews, especially during these Days of Awe, embrace this concept of taking responsibility for our actions and our passivity – even our thoughts and feelings. We take pride as we take stock. Painful as the process is, we almost savor the cleansing feeling that washes over us as the Yom Kippur sunset escorts our final petitions, leading us to ultimate atonement.

We transform self-blame into undue shame and humiliation. We punish ourselves in ways that bruise our sense of self.

Sometimes, however, in our zeal to achieve rectification, we distort this requisite sense of accountability in a damaging way. Self-blame can easily be transformed into undue shame and humiliation. Guilt feelings, the kind necessary to pave the road to self-improvement, often become much more than that. They dominate our spirit. We punish ourselves in ways that can bruise and impair our sense of self. Perfection is mistaken for purification. I don't think that is what Yom Kippur is really about.

The venerable 19th century sage, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, once asked an obvious question and offered a penetrating response. "Why did God choose to position Yom Kippur after Rosh Hashana? Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement; Rosh Hashana celebrates God's dominion over the Universe and the unique role that we, His Chosen People, play in that cosmos. Wouldn't it be far more logical to enter that glorified state after we have undergone the spiritual refinement of Yom Kippur?

It is actually very much the contrary, explained the wise rabbi. We don't need to be totally purified to attain the exalted status of membership in the Heavenly Corps. We achieve that holy status just by being who we are – yes, with all of our blemishes and imperfections and weaknesses. It's called being human.

Of course. It is, in fact, precisely that effort that brings us to higher and higher levels of compassion, understanding and holiness. But when perfection becomes our only acceptable goal, and when falling short of that causes unhealthy guilt, crippling self-blame and despondence, we have clearly gone too far.

Life, as we've all been told so many times, is indeed a trip. And when we travel by plane, each one of us undergoes intense scrutiny. And as we meander our way through the strains of airport security, we inch closer and closer to the Big Moment – when we must come face to face with the dreaded but essential X-Ray machine and Metal Detector. We are asked to place everything we own on the conveyor belt so that each and every item can be carefully examined. We know we are entering a holy place because often times we must even remove our shoes.

Even if that bell does go off, it doesn't mean that you won't get on the plane.

And then, in single file, we march through the machine, hoping – perhaps praying – that the dreaded alarm doesn't sound, signaling that we have been selected for even closer examination.

But even if that bell does go off, it doesn't mean that you won't get on the plane. You may just be asked to leave an item behind or to explain why you need to carry something with you. Yes, even with imperfections you can still get a boarding pass.

And so it is on Yom Kippur. We wind our way through the year and finally reach the Big Day, when we must come face to face with the Almighty. Everything we've done is carefully scrutinized and evaluated. We have left our shoes at home.

And then, as we say in our holy prayers, all of mankind passes before God like members of the flock approaching the spiritual metal detector. Like sheep walking in single file before their owner, we pass under His staff and hold our breath, awaiting His decree. We close our eyes and pray that the dreaded alarm remain silent and we are granted passage for another year.

But we needn't be flawless to get that boarding pass – no one is. We may be asked to leave certain sins or faults behind or to explain why we failed to reach our potential this year. These are important questions – questions that we should be asking ourselves.

But the God of Mercy understands each and every one of us. He sees through our baggage with perfect x-ray vision. He knows our intentions and he knows our pretensions. He judges our level of sincerity and takes our struggles into full account. And all He really wants is our full effort – complete, earnest, and heartfelt.

Yes, Yom Kippur is a day of breast-beating, tears, and unparalleled reverence. But all of that is enhanced when we remain in full cognizance of God's unconditional love for His children.

This year, when you finish your last minute packing, leave the dagger at home. Pack a really good prayer book, some very sincere resolutions, and lots of tissues.

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About the Author

Rabbi Yaakov Salomon, C.S.W. is a noted psychotherapist, in private practice in Brooklyn, N.Y. for over 25 years. He is a Senior Lecturer and the Creative Director of Aish Hatorah's Discovery Productions. He is also an editor and author for the Artscroll Publishing Series and a member of the Kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath.

In these marvelous stories -- brimming with wit, understanding, a touch of irony and a large helping of authentic Torah perspective -- we will walk with a renowned and experienced psychotherapist and popular author through the pathways of contemporary life: its crowded sidewalks, its pedestrian malls, and the occasional dead end street. This is a walk through our lives that will be fun, entertaining -- and eye-opening. In our full -- sometimes overfull -- and complex lives, Yaakov Salomon is a welcome and much-needed voice of sanity and reason.

His speaking, writing and musical talents have delighted audiences from Harvard to Broadway and everything in between. Rabbi Salomon shares his life with his wife, Temmy, and their unpredictable family.

Visitor Comments: 13

wow. thank you. that was beautiful. a message i think many of us need to hear.

(11)
Liz,
September 24, 2009 12:36 PM

Thank You

I am a Catholic by birth, albeit a nonpracticing one. I grew up eating guilt for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. I am also a former flight attendant. Rabbi Salomon hit home on two accounts and then connected all the dots for me.
Home Run #1: "Guilt feelings, the kind necessary to pave the road to self-improvement, often become much more than that. They dominate our spirit. We punish ourselves in ways that can bruise and impair our sense of self. Perfection is mistaken for purification." Welcome to my experience with Catholocism and my reason for leaving it.
Home Run #2: I love the analogy Rabbi Salomon made between the airline trip through Security and God's Love. We are all human; who knows where that realization ended and the guilt started for many of us. I know that mine started from a pulpit of brimstone and fire.
Thank you, Rabbi Salomon, for extinguishing the remaining embers of guilt that I have felt for so long.
God Bless you.

(10)
ruth housman,
September 23, 2009 1:33 PM

Adam: earth

We all have feet of clay. We are all of us "human" and as human beings, we make mistakes, and if we are sensitive, we mourn those mistakes and we resolve not to make them again, and yet, we still fall down, because we are, imperfect, and yes, we have these flaws, but flaws, the cracks in the vessel, let the light pour through and also allow others to help us repair and heal.
We are doing this dance together and it's a cosmic dance. We need each other and God is very much part of our heritage and our lives. Look around and see it, and then these days of awe take on renewed meaning, and also hope, because we are all of us, in this together, and to think about atonement, also as at one ment, is to celebrate unity in diversity, and to recognize each other as being feats of clay and also having feet of clay.
Happy New Year! Shanah Tovah. May it shine!

(9)
kayla,
August 26, 2008 9:19 PM

inspiring article

wow what an amazing inspiring article, it really helps me to see things in a new light. Thank you for writing such an article on such an important topic.

(8)
renee,
September 21, 2007 2:47 PM

one of the best things ive read about yom kippur

I have to say this is one of the most amazing ways to look at yom kippur and the idea of coming to hashem with your sins and how he will still accept us with all our flaws! Thank you so much!!

(7)
Donald,
September 16, 2007 8:20 PM

Heavenly humor

Your hilarious anecdote about airport security; esp. the part about, "entering a holy place", really cracked me up! As a result, your message really got through to me, and for the first time in my life, I am no longer dreading the judgement of HaShem.

I am a former evangelical Christian, am currently in the conversion process, and since beginning my study of Judaism, the Bible and HaShem are starting to really make sense.

Thanks once again, and may you and yours have an easy fast, and a sweet new year!

(6)
julia,
October 2, 2006 6:02 AM

judaism is classic

how wonderful that we do not have to live up to some other perfect standard. articles like this reiterate what makes judaism classic, timeless and complete.

(5)
franciscocerezo,
September 28, 2006 9:34 AM

thanks

i really need an article like this one; it has open a very different way to see much of my life. Thank you very much to help me put things in a right perspective. thank you again.

(4)
Katherine,
September 12, 2006 9:21 AM

Thank you

I am my harshest critic. Thank you very much for writing this article and sharing your thoughts.

(3)
raye,
October 16, 2005 12:00 AM

The important baggage left behind brings remorse

It's only a few days since Yom Kippur and I still feel the pain of leaving behind my Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur Machzorim when I made Aliyah almost a year ago. I packed many boxes of books under very stressful conditions I must admit because of the time element. Still
I cannot fathom this omission. I had to borrow a machzor. Fortunately, a former neighbor of mine who was taking care of the stuff I left behind in New York, found the books and will send them to me with someone coming here to Jerusalem.

(2)
Sherri,
October 10, 2005 12:00 AM

Your perspective is very helpful for those of us that are Type A. Thank you. Shana Tova

(1)
Jim Myska,
October 9, 2005 12:00 AM

Re: 'No Baggage'

Thank you so much for this perceptive article! I have wrestled too long and too hard with my guilt. Too often, perfection is the only standard I pretend to, and my certain and constant failure weighs heavily on me. But, as I've been learning more, I've been detecting more of a "it's the effort that counts" feeling about things. And, now, here it is. Perfection, not even necessarily success, is not what counts. Trying our best *is* what counts.

Permission to be human, even while struggling to be the best human possible.