I just wanted to share the story of my sweet son Miles, who passed away on September 17, 2012.

My husband and I decided to start a family in January of 2011. I promptly went off the pill and hoped that I would get pregnant quickly. It took about a year for me to finally get a positive reading, and 4 short weeks after that happened, I found out I was having a miscarriage. That was January 2012. Things werenâ€™t progressing on their own, so I had a D&C on January 11, 2012. I was devastated and convinced the only thing that would take away the pain was getting pregnant again as soon as possible. So, in April, when we could try again, my husband and I went to Europe on vacation and the day we returned home I took another test and found out I was pregnant for the second time.This pregnancy was difficult from the start. Within days of finding out I was pregnant, I also came down with bronchitis. While still recovering from that illness, I started having all-day sickness. At just over 6 weeks I started bleeding and of course assumed I was having another miscarriage. I will never forget how excited and hopeful my husband, Jason, and I were after seeing our sonâ€™s heartbeat on that very first ultrasound. I was sent home, stopped bleeding and spent 6 more weeks feeling nauseous every day all day, and throwing up most mornings.

At around 12 weeks I came down with a miserable high-fever flu that lasted 2 weeks. The first week after throwing up absolutely everything I tried to put in my body, I finally went to the ER, where they gave me an IV to re-hydrate me, but also couldnâ€™t find the heartbeat on the dopplerâ€¦so I was sent back to my OBGYN the next day for another ultrasound. Again, we were so relieved to see our sweet babyâ€™s heartbeat on the ultrasound. The second week of the flu when the fever finally went away was spent trying to get some food into my system because I was literally too weak to walk to the bathroom in my house. It was awful. When I finally recovered from that, I just went back to my all day sickness, which lasted until about 19 weeks.

From 19-21 weeks I felt good, the best I had felt in forever. I remember starving and eating non-stop (I had lost 7 lbs so far in the pregnancy) and generally being so happy for finally being over the sickness!

Then I hit 23 weeks. On Monday evening, during prenatal yoga, I developed a throbbing, miserable headache. I went home and right to bed, but couldnâ€™t sleep at all. Finally, at 1 am, I called the doctor. Assuming it was a migraine, she called in a prescription for Tylenol with codeine to an all-night pharmacy. It didnâ€™t do anything. The next day, with my head still throbbing, I called the doctor again â€“ their suggestions were to drink caffeine, try to sleep and take the Tylenol with codeine every 4 hours. I also went and had acupuncture. While the needles were in me, I felt great. But, as soon as they came out, the headache came back. It did finally go away by the time I went to bed on Tuesday night.

Wednesday and Thursday, I felt fine. Then at 2 pm on Thursday, I had a routine doctor appointment. The nurse talked to me for awhile and then took my blood pressure. I could tell something was wrong. She had me give a urine sample and then had me lay down in the exam room, but she mentioned being concerned that I had preeclampsia. So, while laying on the table, I Googled itâ€¦and was terrified. The doctor finally came in, and without any small talk, told me I had to go straight to the hospital. A nurse was on her way with wheelchair to wheel me over there (itâ€™s across the street from my office).

At the hospital, they told me my blood pressure was 200/113 and that I had severe preeclampsia and they were going to take labs continuously to see if I had HELLP syndrome as well. They put pads on my hospital bed (in case I had a seizure) and continuously told me over and over again how sick I was, that I had to relax because otherwise I could have a seizure or a stroke, and that I wouldnâ€™t be leaving the hospital before delivering my son. When my labs came back, it turned out I had HELLP syndrome â€“ which means that my kidneys were leaking, my liver wasnâ€™t functioning and my blood platelets were low. I was terrified. At first, my doctor hoped I could make it 48 hours. Then that changed to 12. After only 4 hours in the hospital, my doctor came in and told me that they had to deliver within the next hour or I would die. My blood pressure was still too high to have a spinal, so they had to use a general anesthesia and I was out for the entire procedure, while my poor husband sat alone in the hallway outside the OR.

When I woke up, I was told they had delivered a tiny 1 lb. 3 oz., 11â€³ baby boy. My husband had already seen him in the NICU and he showed me pictures. I wasnâ€™t able to see him until the 3rd day. Miles John, our son, was doing well that first day. I spent two more days not being allowed to visit my son, having terrifying hallucinations from the magnesium sulfate, and needing oxygen just to breathe. Finally, on the 3rd day, I got to visit him, on a gurney. It was tough. I was lightheaded, uncomfortable, and my poor son was just so, so small. I saw him again twice the next day â€“ the first day I was allowed to shower and get out of my bed. Then, as I was getting ready to go to the NICU on his 4th day of life, his doctor came in to tell us that he had a grade 3 brain hemorrhage and basically had no brain function whatsoever. My husband and I held our sweet son while he passed. It was heartbreaking.

I was released from the hospital the next day on 9 blood pressure pills daily, Xanax and a million other things. My blood pressure has finally gone back to normal, but my life is nowhere near normal at this point. I want my son back. I want this to have never happened.

I am so very sorry for your horrible experience with PE and HELLP and for the death of your son. Thank you for sharing your story. What can we do for you now? We have many amazing women who have also lost their babies who can be with you as you grieve. We can also share what we understand of this disease if you have questions, and if you decide to try again, we can share our own experiences and hold your hand along the way.

I'm so so sorry that you had to deliver Miles so prematurely and that he wasn't able to stay. The same thing happened to me and my daughter Millie. The damage that preeclampsia can do is such a tragedy. And to happen to you after ttc for so long and the miscarriage too. Is Miles's due date this month? That was a big hurdle for me and we'll be here for you if needed.Also, if you want you can post a memorial for Miles here: http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=50&start=240

I just wanted to write to say that I have been there. My life changed suddenly over 24 hours with the stillbirth of our son at 37 weeks (placental abruption), being diagnosed with HELLP and acute kidney failure. All of a sudden I was having to go through dialysis 3 to 4 days a week. That lasted 3.5 months. I'm so thankful that I'm still alive.It gets easier! It took me awhile to fully grieve as I had to concentrate with all my power on my health. I went hour by hour, then day by day. Allow yourself to grieve. I hope you can find a support group where you live.I'm still not able to open the box which contains Nathanael's pictures, hair, etc. I'm not sure when that will happen. I got soooo tired of crying. My faith and support group at church definitely helped pull me through. I went back to singing in the choir and playing handbells as soon as I could, and that helped me a great deal. I had a lot of conversations with God while in the hospital bed and appreciated each sunrise even more. Even though I still don't completely understand why God took our son so early, my faith deepened.

Six years later after going through a frustrating and unsuccessful effort to adopt, I am expecting again. I'm still on a low dose of BP meds and my kidneys are not perfect but everything is stable.

I hope this helps somehow. Please send me a private message if you want to talk while you are grieving. You will get through this, and you will be a stronger woman because of it.

Hi!I'm new to this forum and want to share my story, because it is very similar. My baby was stillborn on September 19, 2012, at 24 weeks gestation due to HELLP syndrome. I went to the hospital three times by strong epigastric pain and vomiting, the three times I was diagnosed with gastritis and was not given any medication because doctors said this was normal for pregnancy.I went to another doctor who ordered blood tests which came with low platelets and high liver enzymes, never had high blood pressure. With these results, I was hospitalized but the next day the platelet count rose and fell enzymes, thus ruled out HELLP and was treated by a liver disease diagnosis they never knew. For six days I was in hospital and my baby was not monitored, until my demand was made an ultrasound which found that my baby had died.Now I'm trying to go ahead and get pregnant again in about 3 months.