After a grubbin' Christmas, I was sane enough to file for leave as soon as I was allowed get some. For three days now, my sis and I have been sort-of tour guides for my visiting second cousin. It was a hectic two-day adventure with my Ma in tow. Two days ago, we went to a nearby mall and got to stroll along Baywalk in the evening. The cool air and bright lights were relaxing. Then we went to this theme park and for the first time in my life, I was "brave" enough to ride this loopy roller coaster. I am not much of an adventure park fan since I have a weak stomach in terms of overstimulation of the cerebellum (in other words, I don't like it when I'm hanging upside down or I free fall because my brain gives me distorted images of my surroundings). That's why I am such a bore when it comes to having theme park fun.

My sis, my Ma and my cousin Phil taken using N6610i

Yesterday, we went to this posh mall for window shopping. No money for the real shopping but it was still fun. I found a lot of LOTR fun stuffs (real swords-- Glamdring, Sting, Hadhafang, Gimli's axe; Legolas, Theoden, Gollum, Merry, Bilbo and Pippin busts; helmets; miniature Meduseld and swords). All of them in one cool place-- Montage in Greenbelt 4 (near Powerbooks Live!) *drool*

If only I could afford them. I can't believe there are a lot of them in one place I nearly cried! Hahaha!

LOTR chess set in Regalos, Glorietta 1 taken using N6610i

Earlier today my cousin left for Bacolod. It's back to normal for us and I am so broke to think that it's payday today. I can just imagine my life for the next few weeks. I've been broke before and it's not a new challege for me.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Barely three days before Christmas. There are still no decors at home. But I'm feeling a bit festive now thinking I won't have to go to work next week. There won't be any decors at home this year but I'm glad I get to spend my Christmas with my family. That's what's important for me.

If there was one thing that struck me while watching FPJ's funeral earlier today, it was this pity I felt when I saw the lone horse pulling his carriage. Aside from the weight of the coffin, the poor horse did not even have space to breathe! Oh well. I'm fed up with the media's sensationalizing of this FPJ thing. I hope it stops now since the funeral is over.

Speaking of animals, here's another pic of Ginger, my fave of all Gabe's doggies. This is for Kath (since you find her cute)! :)

Sunday, December 19, 2004

I had a blast at the TPTS party in Gabe's place last night and during the wee hours of the morning. I had to attend it not just because I wanna see my TPTS friends but also because I don't wanna miss watching the ROTK DVD (Extended Edition). I love it! Love it! Love it! We got there and there was food galore! A lot of people showed up too (compared to last Halloween party). After eating, we watched the LOTR Symphony with Howard Shore. It was amazing! The music and the artwork combination is surreal and beautiful.

This pic of the goodies taken from Carandil's album.

This pic also from Carandil. This is us while watching the movie. From the bottom and far right is my sister, Ayn, me, then Reitch and Ricky (the new TPTS couple). Hehehe!

I wondered why they cut a lot of scenes when they were all worth watching in the movies. I love the deleted scenes. I have a lot of fave parts so let me mention some. The Easter Egg featurette with Dom and Elijah (who though a German journalist was interviewing him) was really funny! Then there was this intriguing Viggo-kissing-Billy thing that made me wish I were a man. Hahaha! The most memorable for me was the part when they were showing the last filming of each actor. Viggo cried but it was the part when they were filming Elijah's last scene that made me cry. PJ can't seem to end it all. After the final take, he hugged Elijah and it was so emotional. Wish I were a part of the LOTR crew, but I guess as a fan I am still a part of the LOTR fandom. Tolkien lives! *sigh*

This is my picture taken by my sis using Nokia 6610i with Ginger, my fave of all Gabe's doggies.

Friday, December 17, 2004

If you were here in the Philippines, I bet you've heard all about the recent death of a well-known Filipino actor who also was a presidential candidate during the last national elections. I am not a fan but all I need to do is to turn on the TV to realize he had touched, influenced and helped a lot of people. He had a stroke, was in a coma for a few days and died.

But I don't think people should act as if he were a saint if he lived his life like a hero in their eyes. It's natural for many people to visit him and look in his coffin but I felt weird when I saw someone touch it and made the sign of the cross. I mean, it's a coffin, not a holy statue forgodsakes!

Earlier this morning it was on the news that the mansion of a prominent political figure caught fire and his youngest daughter, who was only 16, died when she was trapped inside the bathroom. The reason for the fire was faulty electrical wires from the Christmas lights displayed along the elegant staircase. Truly a nightmare before Christmas.

Politics does attract tragedy. Also got me to think an advantage of not haviong Christmas decors/lights at home. :)

Monday, December 13, 2004

I do believe in karma. It was not until I got the balling rolling that I realized someone was willing to pass the ball back to me. I never thought a few words would affect me that way. But I guess if those few words came from him, than it would affect me one way or the other.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

C.S.I. Las Vegas for that matter. Leave a comment if you do. Just took this quiz from my sister's blog.

You're Gil Grissom.
Observant, brilliant-- you've got half the otherCSIs beleiving you know everything.
Your people skills aren't exactly that good,however-- you seem to have trouble relating toothers, and are happier with a case than withanother person.

I dunno if it's just that time of the month or our difference is just taking its toll. Is it my over-sensitivity or his nonchalance?

I know that if there's one thing that keeps this relationship going it is the belief that "opposite poles attract", but sometimes when i just need compatibility I can't seem to get it because of our different beliefs, interests and attitudes. I know I should look for things exciting since he is totally different from me, but I am having a hard time right now.

Blame it on PMS.

We watched "Ned Kelly" and got my dose of Orlando Bloom. Funny how he played the role of an Irishman. I like the Irish accent and I am attracted to several Irish lads.

*SPOILERS*

*SPOILERS*

*SPOILERS*

Orlando played Joe Byrne and it suited him well since Joe is a ladies' man. Not a woman in this movie can turn him down. His character died like a true Irish too-- he couldn't wait for the fight to stop and got a pint, so a bullet hit him. Hahaha! Anyways, it was fun but I'm not that into action and all that modern-Robinhood true-story thing.

Today is our 21st month. This will be the second Christmas we'll have. Are we going to reach our third Holiday season?

Oh and by the way, still no Christmas decors at home. Am I pining for something that will not happen?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Aside from the feast day of the Immaculate Conception and aside from the fact that my friend just informed me she just met Alan Lee, let him sign her book and gave him a TPTS pin, I went home today quite surprised because my Ma finally spoke to me after about a week and a half! The reason behind her breaking her "wall of silence" was a favor to send her some load for her mobile phone and teach her how to get a ringback tune. Hahahaha! Funny! But I'm happy that it happened.

It seems like things are going to be better for Christmas. No, we still don't have Christmas decors here at home, but this is one big step.

Now, what can I do to celebrate? Hmmm... I'd probably watch Ned Kelly since it's showing right now and get my dose of Orlando Bloom. Hehehe! =)

Been snooping around some folders in my office's public drive. Here's what I found. I read it and I saw myself nodding in agreement to most points this anonymous writer brought up.

I can still remember this person-- my "one who got away". I wonder how he is doing right now. I wonder if he's thinking about me too. I wonder if I am also his "one who got away". Hey, if you're reading this right now, just wanna hope you're fine. Just want you to know I'm thinking about you too. But I guess he won't get to read it. I'll never know... will I? =)

"THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY"

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with... and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong.

There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.

It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it?

When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become deal-breakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flash-point of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be
the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single, but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter.

All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?"

You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?"

That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it.

Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will
probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late?

Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere.

You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference.

If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone,

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

I was on my way to work earlier when I noticed that like our house, a lot of houses on my street don't have xmas decors too. Our street does not look that festive compared to last year. It makes me feel relieved knowing that my house doesn't look out of place in our community. It also made me feel sad wondering why that happens. Do they have the same reason as ours for not putting up xmas decors?

Good news for me is that I bought the cellphone I wanted. My Ma is still caught in the wall she is creating for herself. I could find some cracks in that wall every now and then but she is still not speaking to me. Made me wonder what I did. Since she did not advise me about not spending my money, I bought the phone anyway. My Pa was able to buy his prescription eyeglasses too and that made me happy even if I'm broke right now. =)

I hope it's the start of something better for us and I hope my Ma starts sharing her thoughts again to us. How would I understand her if there is no communication? I don't even know the reason why she is not talking to me in the first place. It is frustrating.

Is there love, tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Of a better life
In this world
Divided by fear
We've got to believe that
There's a reason we're hereYeah, there's a reason we're here...

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...

See the truth, all around
Our faith can be broken
Our hands can be bound
But open our hearts
And fill up the emptiness
With nothing to stop us
Is it not worth the risk?
Yeah, is it not worth the risk?...

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...

And even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

It's December already. Even if I don't go and see those twinkling Christmas lights around, I'd still feel it because of the longer nights and shorter days, I also love the cool weather. I just hope that the typhoons will quit hitting the Philippines because we are suffering enough as it is. Hahaha!

I just realized that of all the years that my family is trying to make ends meet, we still somehow keep up with the Christmas spirit. It's just sad to say that in my 24 years of existence, this is the first Christmas that we do not have any decorations at home. If Santa were to spread the cheers this season, I hope he does not forget our home. =(

I dunno if this is just one of her melodramatic moments but my Ma's attitude is already getting on my nerves (and getting on my tear ducts as well). My Pa will give his pension so she could buy tickets for Bacolod, but she did not even buy tickets. I gave a chunk of my 13th month pay for my Pa's prescription eyeglasses (diabetes affects his eyes), but still no word from her. I dunno what her plans are because she is not talking to me nor my sister. I dunno what I did to deserve that. She had a problem with my sis, why rage war against me? Now she has this wall around her that we could not break. Everytime I'm at home, she's locked in her room. Not even a nod or a stare. Nothing.

My Ma has this tendency to absorb all hardships around her. She feels like she's this superwoman who can carry all the burdens of her family. She has also this mood that affects, not just one, but all people around her. When she graduated High School, she worked so that her younger siblings can finish studying. But laziness seems to be popular those days, they did not even finish High School. Now, her siblings have their own family (kids galore!) and until now, they still depend on my Ma. It would actually be fine with me if we can just afford to feed all of them, but we cannot. Both my parents are not working anymore. Five mouths in our family are even too many for my salary. Now, it seems like everyone there in the province don't know what to do without my Ma's presence. I guess that's why she is suffering because deep inside, she knows there's not much she could do since she has no money. It seems like she wants to maintain her status of being the savior of her family or of being the "most successful" daughter who lives in Manila. Who wouldn't?

Probably she thinks that I am not worried at all about what's happening out there. She probably thinks all I'm thinking about is just myself. Ma, if I am as selfish as I wanna be, I would have left home since I started earning my own money. I would have gotten a place of my own. I would have not thought of my sister's schooling or the monthly bills or the groceries. I wouldn't have given a damn. But you see, I can only do this much. I cannot cry over something I cannot control. I know this is tough since it's your mother who needs you right now. We are not preventing you from going to the province and taking care of her. Remember, she is also my grandmother. Also remember, you're going there to spend time with her as much as you like. Don't think about going there and saving the people from poverty. So what if you arrive in the province with only a few pesos to spare? So what if you don't have gifts for them this Christmas? Why don't you just go there and do what you can do and not worry about the things you can't change?

We are hurting too, not just you.

God, give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.