HELP FOR FAILING MARRIAGES

The Hadith questions the manhood of a person who beats his wife up during the day and derives pleasure from her during the night. Good marriages require patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work. Following these basic principles should help any marriage to improve. The essence of them all can be summed up in one sentence: Always treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated.

Amidst busy schedules and tasks on the parts of both women and men, Muslim husbands and wives tend to forget the real reasons behind marriage and likewise the rights of each other. Subsequently, they deprive themselves, their mates and their children of the happiness and tranquillity that is the bedrock of a successful family. This unbalanced vision towards a couple’s ideal relationship is bad enough to plunge the family into a situation laden with troubles and worries.

Negative Relationship between Husband & Wife
Some Muslim spouses relate to each other like adversaries rather than life time partners. The husband assumes the position of dictator, and whatever he says is not law. The wife on the other hand feels that she must squeeze everything she can out of her husband. Some wives do not express their gratitude to their husbands irrespective of how much the man may do for her. Instead they adopt an attitude of ‘never enough’ and make the husband feel like a failure if he does not provide every want and desire their extravagant lifestyles dictate. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in family matters. Moreover certain husbands become so cold and miserly that even the basic expenditure for the house is difficult to come by.

Nikah – A divine institution
The Nikah bond has been divinely established for the welfare and upkeep of a healthy and progressive community. This divine prescription has been unjustly utilised as a vehicle to perpetrate oppression, deception, humiliation, and abuse. Allah Ta’ala describes marriage very differently in the Noble Quran: ‘And from his signs are, He created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may live in tranquillity with them, and instilled love and mercy between your (hearts) . . . “(30:21)
Head of the Home
The position Islam has accorded to the man as the head of the home is a responsibility which will be accounted for, rather than a privilege which should be abused. We are taught to treat our wives well. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has reported to have said: ‘The person possessing the most perfect faith is one who has excellent behaviour, and the best among you are those who are best towards their wives” (Mishkat)

Be Partners in Decision Making
Follow the principle of ‘Shura,” (consultation) and make decisions as a family. Implementing this Sunnah within the home increases harmony and love between family members. It will also assist in enhancing trust and loyalty between spouses and the children.

Abuse
Abstain totally from every form of emotional, mental, or physical abuse to your spouse.

Watch Your Words
Be very careful what you say when you are upset. The wounds afflicted to the heart of a person by words will never heal and remain a lifelong memory. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. Apply the directives found in the Hadith for suppression of anger.

Work Together in the House
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) consistently assisted his wives with household chores. When Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) did not consider the housework trivial, how can we today obligate our wives to all the house work and much more?

Communication is Important
Talk to each other, communicate, have a dialogue, but do it respectfully. Husbands and wives need to talk to each other. It is better to deal with problems early and honestly than to let them pile up until they explode.

Live Simply
Do not envy or cast your gaze towards those spouses who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. Be pleased with what you have. The grass will always look greener on the other side. The wealthiest person is the one who has attained contentment of heart. To develop the quality of contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more. Repeatedly thank Allah Ta’ala for the many blessings in your life.

Admit Your Mistakes
When you make a mistake, admit it. When your mate makes a mistake, excuse him or her easily. If possible, never sleep angry with each other.

Past Problems
Everything that has happened is history. Repent for the past and live for the future. Do not focus discussion on the past unless it is something that will make both of you laugh.

The Duaa for a blissful marriage: “Allahumma rabana hab lana min azwaajinaa wa zurriyyatina qurrata a-ayun waj-alna lil muttaqeena imaama” (O Allah! grant us such wives and offspring who will be a source of coolness for our eyes, and make us leaders of the Allah-Fearing)

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE INFORMATION AND ARTICLES ON ISLAAM THROUGH YOUR E-MAIL, SEND A BLANK E-MAIL TO subscribe@islaaminfo.co.za

Post navigation

2 Responses to HELP FOR FAILING MARRIAGES

Islamic divorce makes women live in constant fear…that is the idea…cruelty!

An Indian judge has invalidated Islamic divorce as inequitable to women.

In a relief to Muslim women across the country, the Delhi High Court has declared that talaq (Islamic mode of divorce) given by their husbands in “extreme anger” is invalid.

“If a talaq is pronounced in extreme anger where the husband has lost control of himself, it would not be effective or valid,” Justice Badar Durrez Ahamed ruled.

Pointing out that triple talaq or talaq-e-bidaat (divorce in one go by merely repeating the term ‘talaq’ thrice) as “sinful but valid”, the court said such a mode for dissolution of Islamic marriages had caused “extreme misery to divorced women and even to men, who are left with no chance to undo the wrong or any scope to bring about a reconciliation”.

While issuing an injunction on courts that the Muslim Personal Law would supercede any “contrary customs or usage” followed in dissolution of marriages, Justice Ahamed held that from henceforth triple talaq would only mean a single pronouncement of “talaq”, revocable by the husband or wife if they decide to reconcile.

Finally you have written something correctly.. what you are pointing out is correct Islamically. A man cannot and should not pronounce “you are divorced” three times. It is seen as one statement not three. Those who are applying the three in one statement are doing so out of ignorance of their religious teachings. After each divorce there is supposed to be a waiting period of three months in which the husband can rectify the marriage. In this way, Islam is actually promoting marriage so that the couple has a cooling off period in which to try and work things out. Secondly, as written in the Quran, both men and women equally are given to request arbitrators to speak on their behalf to try to intervene when or if things get difficult. The problem is, many women are ignorant of their rights in order to implement them.