Profile of William Bibbiani

Bio:

William Bibbiani is a highly opinionated film, TV and videogame critic living in Los Angeles, California. In addition to his work at the “California Literary Review” William also contributes articles and criticism to “Geekscape” and “Ranker” and has won multiple awards for co-hosting the weekly Geekscape podcast and for his series of Safe-For-Work satirical pornographic film critiques, “Geekscape After Dark.” He also writes screenplays and, when coerced with sweet, sweet nothings, occasionally acts in such internet series as “Bus Pirates” and “Heads Up with Nar Williams.” A graduate of the UCLA School of Film, Television and Digital Media, William sometimes regrets not pursuing a career in what he refers to as “lawyering” so that he could afford luxuries like food and shoes.

William can be found on both the Xbox Live and Playstation Network as GuyGardner2814, and on Twitter as – surprisingly – WilliamBibbiani.

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Articles written for the California Literary Review:

Despicable Me is a wonderful piece of entertainment: witty, spry and capable of eliciting its fair share of “Aw shucks” whimpers of warm-heartedness… but it also seems to wallow in its underdog status, as indeed any CG-animated movie that wasn’t developed by a company that rhymes with “Shmixar” must.

The Weekly Listicle presents this list of Sparkle-Free Vampire Classics as selected by Julia Rhodes and William Bibbiani! What classics made our list? What obscure wonders will make their way onto your Netflix queue? Find out now!

Isolated moments allow the old “Avatar” magic to sink back in, usually in smaller scenes with misused talent like Dev Patel, but at no point does The Last Airbender come close to the original series in quality.

Romantic locations are a perfect fit for romances of any sub-genre, so why bother going all the way to Rome just to set up a plot point and then hightail it back to New York where – by sheer mindblowing coincidence – every guy who magically falls in love with our protagonist just so happens to live? If When in Rome actually covered the time our heroine spends in Rome it would be about 12 minutes long. And if you analyze the title further – it’s short for “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” – then it makes even less sense.

All is not well on Cybertron, home of the Transformers. A Civil War has been raging for years between the evil Decepticons and the pure-of-heart Autobots, and at the start of the game the tables have turned against our heroes as Megatron harnesses the awe-inspiring power of Dark Energon, whatever that is, to power his soldiers and conquer the planet.

Fielding doesn’t have a watch… “Not that I read too good,” his defense… and asks for the exact amount of time he’ll be expected to wait for the heist to be completed. After some debate, the thieves settle on two minutes and fifty four seconds. Fielding selects a track of that exact length – “Blue Song” by Mint Royale – and the suspense begins.

Any audience member unlucky enough to find themselves in a theater showing Jonah Hex will soon feel the same way. For the sake of the filmmakers’ careers, the audience’s sanity, and the character of Jonah Hex himself (who deserves better than this), let’s all just close our eyes and pretend none of this ever happened. Agreed? Agreed.

Any sequel that gets us thinking about our lives, loves and futures is already a good idea, and that got us thinking here at the California Literary Review. We see so many unwanted, half-conceived sequels in the movie industry, but are there any sequels we actually want to see, yet somehow haven’t been made? Prepare yourself for this edition of The Weekly Listicle, in which Julia Rhodes and I (William Bibbiani) think would be a good idea, and not just a quick cash-in (I’m looking at you, Paranormal Activity 2).

You could not pay me to see Babies. Well, strike that, you could pay me, but you’d have to pay me a lot. I’m not going to hyperbolize and say that it would take a million dollars – not that I wouldn’t accept a million dollars in payment for seeing a documentary about my least favorite class of humans – but unless at least $100 American dollars and/or the touch of a beautiful woman would be assured for me afterwards, I won’t be getting near this film with a ten foot pole (which I would admittedly then use to knock it off of the shelf at Best Buy and fling it into the nearest plasma screen). Did I mention that I’m not a fan of babies?

It would be foolish to say that Carnahan reined himself in, since these are some of the nuttiest set pieces in recent cinematic memory (and that’s saying something), but they’re always easy to follow and the script always reminds us that Hannibal’s increasingly unbelievable plans are only effective because no one would ever anticipate such lunatic stunts in the first place. While The A-Team seems to enjoy the many risks they take, they never treat it like just another day at the office either, and it’s that tiny bit of respect for context that keeps Carnahan’s film engaging, even when all logic dictates that you should be shaking your head in disbelief.

In this clip, poor (yet fiercely adorable) Anny Ondra confesses that she “cannot speak well” while Hitchcock himself over-enunciates each syllable, mugging to the camera and culminating with what may be the earliest recorded version of the “That’s What She Said” joke.

They exist to make money more than tell a story, and are fully satisfied to merely distract an audience rather than actually entertain or – heaven forefend – enlighten them. In this installment of The Weekly Listicle, Julia Rhodes and I (William Bibbiani!) present ten films, in no particular order, that insulted your intelligence… and expected to be rewarded for it.

If you’ve seen Daredreamer, particularly around the time it was first released, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. This has to be somebody’s favorite movie, and has to have influenced a young child on the verge of adolescence.

The adventure really kicks in when Dastan is framed for his father’s murder and goes on the lam with only the princess – who really hates his guts – and the dagger, which he soon learns can briefly reverse the flow of time. Together they must clear Dastan’s name, reveal the true murderer and, because the stakes apparently weren’t high enough already, save the world.