15 Things No Woman Will Ever Admit She Secretly Loves

"I know it's gross but sometimes I...."

1. Having no idea the last time you washed your bra. A few weeks ago? Months ago? Maybe never? I don't know.

2. Using perfume instead of deodorant in a pinch. Maybe if I just spray this in the general area of my body, that will make up for the fact that I can't find my deodorant and probably left it in a mall bathroom.

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3. Febreze-ing your jeans. Instead of washing them, because then the dye sometimes bleeds and sometimes they shrink and also because of laziness.

4. Spilling salsa on your shirt and removing it with a tortilla chip. I mean, that's why they're shaped like little scoops.

5. Seeing a stain on your clothes and trying to get it out by spitting on your hand. And then when that doesn't work, just leaving the stain there forever.

6. Texting your best friend about how black the water is when you do wash your bras. Even if the bras aren't black, it's like you poured the contents of a Bic pen into your sink.

7. Never washing any of your pants unless they get a stain. That's, like, the one signal that it's time to wash them. Plus, I've been Febreze-ing them so they're basically clean anyway, minus this nacho cheese incident.

8. Wearing your underwear inside out because all yours are dirty. Not that I've done this personally. Nope. Never.

9. If you're at a guy's apartment, quickly pooping while you're running the shower in the morning so he doesn't realize you engage in totally normal human bodily functions. We all must keep this a secret forever, for some reason.

10. Wearing bathing suit bottoms because all your underwear is dirty. Honestly, I love doing this one. I like knowing I could go to the beach at any moment, even if I live, like, three hours from one and it's February.

11. Testing the limits on how long you can go between hair shampoos. Sometimes I can go like a week and a half, and I practically throw myself a party for being able to go so long between washes. Good for me, I say.

12. Trimming your own bangs because you're just too lazy to make it to the hairdresser. Sometimes I'm really good at this; sometimes I look like a child cut my hair in the dark. It's a toss-up.

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13. Eating whatever you can find in the kitchen out of pure boredom. Yes, I made a mayonnaise and hot sauce pickle sandwich and I regret nothing.

14. Taking perverse pleasure in removing blackheads. This is the most beautiful disgust.

15. Wearing the same tights for, like, a week. I sleep in mine, guys. I really do. You can make me the king of your disgusting kingdom if you want.

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