Chain Story 3: Trinity- or The Singular Plague of the JackalGoto page 1, 2, 3Next

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Regina

Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 952
Location: Northeast U.S

Chain Story 3: Trinity- or The Singular Plague of the Jackal

The Dirty Red Jackal let out a laughing howl and danced the delighted dance of death before the tombs that were sacred to his master; the jackal headed god of death, Anubis.

"Ha ha! I showed those silly humans!" said the slobbering beast. The Dirty Red Jackal loved playing at being the Master of Ceremonies if only to say, "Let the games be done!" Unfortunately, the death of a game would hardly satisfy the death god.

A great moan erupted from one of the tombs and the Dirty Red Jackal stopped his revelry, the heavy footsteps of his god were unmistakeabe. as was the particular cadence of these foot steps which announced the god's displeasure. The Dirty Red Jackal cringed.

"And what, servant, am I supposed to do with the souls of two dead stories? I must guide the sould of the dead to the otherworld>"

The Dirty Red Jackal dared a justification, "But, Anubis, a dead story can be said to have lived once, consider it a metaphorical offerinf-"

"SILENCE," commanded Annubis. "To the garbage pits with you! So that you may live up to your name! Maggie the Maggot shall accompany you to insure you behave!"

The Dirty Red Jackal whimpered as a huge slimy white maggot with a winsome smile ozzed its way toward him.

Jackal makes love to maggie seeing as he cannot resist any lady maggot or otherwise.

After leaving maggie drooling on her ear wax stained pillow jackal stalks off to plan his ultimate revenge on anubis. Being his servant for all these centuries Jackal knew Anubis one weakness , but how to exploit it was mystery. Being lazy and suffering from A.D.D Jackal was distracted from his planning by four big breast sirens and scampered off after them.

Having satisfied the big breasted sirens Jackal remembers his plan and heads off to the Hall of Apathy for one of the amulet he needs...._________________
Bob the builder didn't have a chance against Overlord Bagpuss.

Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:36 am

Pilgrim

Joined: 07 Jun 2005
Posts: 13
Location: making progress

chapter 3

...some serious meds.

"I did what...? With a what...? What are those crazy writers trying to do with me? I wouldn't do the dirty with no maggot!"

Nursing his infected dirty-rod, he put off his plots of revenge on Anubus, and decided to first enlist his aid in punishing certain writers for grossing him off any possible sexual encounters for centuries to come.

"Oh great Anubis! I have come to beg a boon--"

"FORGET IT!" cried Anubis. "I sent you to be punished, which has surely happened, even better than I had hoped. Now go drag that nasty-ass, dirty-rod the F-U-C-K outta here, and don't come back until you've had a shot of penicillin. Then, maybe, we'll talk."

The jackal hot-footed it to a vet's in suburban Thebes, with no money, and no ideas, and no speaka de Egyptian, wondering what the hell to do, when along came a...

Mon Jun 20, 2005 12:20 pm

Dirty Red Jackal

Joined: 14 Jun 2005
Posts: 36

big breasted long legged peasant looking for a hero to help her, Jackal being the opportunist that he is said "I'll help you but how do I know this isn't a scam ? what would you give me as prayment?". The peasant thinks for a moment and says "Well I'll give you my body and soul to do with whatever you wish." , Jackal looking pleased said "Sure why not? Maybe it will get me in good with the boss again. But um can i get a little down payment now?".

The peasant girl agrees and jackal grabs her by the arm and run to the nearest bush where she blows him until he is dust. "Ah yes that was excellent um what's your name anyways?" the peasant girl says "Matilda, now that's settled let me tell you what quest you got to go on and who you got to kill." . Surprised the Jackal said " Whoa you never said anything about no killing , I'm a lover not a fighter ." . The woman was getting upset "tuff shit pal you agreed and recieved parcial payment so you listen and you listen good ......_________________
Bob the builder didn't have a chance against Overlord Bagpuss.

Mon Jun 20, 2005 12:36 pm

y

Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3858

The woman was getting upset "tuff shit pal you agreed and received parcial payment so you listen and you listen good or else I’ll…I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” cooed the Jackal while stroking the girls hair, “You’ll what?”
“I’ll tell Regina and then you’ll be sorry.”
“Oooooh, I’ll tell Regina” he mocked, “so, why would I, Dirty Red Jackal give a hoot about what Regina would do?”
No sooner had the words left his mouth than the peasant girl jumped on top of the Jackal. Straddling him, she pressed her lips against his and began stroking his chest. Overjoyed with the prospect of getting his payment in full, the Jackal laid there with his eyes closed unaware that the peasant girl had pulled out a syringe.
“Yeow! The Jackal screamed as she plunged the needle into his arm, “what the hell was that?”
“You’ll see,” the peasant girl giggled as she continued to push the lime green liquid into his arm. “Make fun of Regina will you? Why would you give a hoot about Regina? You’ll find out soon enough.”

Before he could push the girl off his chest, the Jackal felt a tingling sensation burning through his limbs. He mouth began to dry out and his eyes began to close. Before he black out completely, he saw the peasant girl lean down and kiss him one last time. “Ha,” he thought to himself, “I’m still getting paid after all!”

In the inky darkness a song began to play awakening the Jackal. The darkness was fading into light as the Jackal began to feel the heaviness of his limbs once more. “Oh crap!” he exclaimed as he opened his eyes and found…

In the inky darkness a song began to play awakening the Jackal. The darkness was fading into light as the Jackal began to feel the heaviness of his limbs once more. “Oh crap!” he exclaimed as he opened his eyes and found he was stripped bare. There, not before his eyes, was not a trace of his manly-hood just were he had allways expected to find it.

"Oh crap, oh crap!" he said."No, no, no not my jibbly bits."

A nurse leaned over him and he realised he was in some sort of hospital. Of course he should have known from the musak. "So how are we feeling mister Jackel?"she inqured.

Dirty Red Jackel closed his eyes and repeated as though saying a montra "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap no, no, no not my jibbly bits." as he clung to where his manness once hung proud.

"Regina love, I think he's awake but not yet coherrent." Dirty heard the nurse say. Suddenly he had a deep sinking feeling in his stomach._________________I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Fri Jun 24, 2005 4:43 pm

Regina

Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 952
Location: Northeast U.S

"Regina love, I think he's awake but not yet coherrent." Dirty heard the nurse say. Suddenly he had a deep sinking feeling in his stomach.

Regina leaned over the distraught Jackal and with a gloved hand patted his furry head.
"Oh, you poor, Dirty Dirty Jackal. We wouldn't have had to taken such drastic measures if you hadn't upset Anubis, you know. I'm not fond of this sort of operation. Don't worry, you should not experience any discomfort other than the odd phantom erection. Your bits are being kept viable, and are being treated to make sure that you don't infect the next lifeform you pick for playtime."

The Dirty Jackal was somewhat relieved that he would at least get his bits back, but oh, how he missed them. Particularly when Regina and the nurse turned around giving him a clear view of their buttocks. (Of course, for the Jackal, he'd have just as easily been aroused by the smooth bare bottoms of their feet, but that was beside the point.)

Regina threw the Dirty Red Jackel his clothes. "Get dressed you have to do a favor for Anubis in order to get back you tool kit there." She said

The Jackel stumbled into his clothes. His head was still a little cloudy."What exactly does he expect me to do?"

"Oh it's nothing hard, no pun intended, just a small... excuse me, how can I put this." Regina giggled.

"What the fuck. Do you mind?"

"No and neither do you that's why we took your "Mister Vader"." Regina calmed herself and took control again. "Listen Romeo, Anubis's has a neice in town and he needs you to show her around. That's part of the reason we had to cut off your "bait and tackel.""

"And the other part?"

"Oh, sorry, bait and tackel stands for both."

"No I mean the other part of the reason for, well, you know"

"Oh right, sorry." Regina said "Yes, mainly you annoy me. Now about this date with little Katarina Navane."

"Hold up here, wait just one cotton pickin second..." said the Dirty Red Jackel

"No date, no bait and tackel" said Regina "No bait and tackel, no more fun for Mr Jackel."

"Yes so about this date." the Jackel complied.

"Right, much better." Regina smiled "Now Anubis want to be sure you don't get into any more trouble so we are giving Katrina a few special powers. Nothing big just the basics she needs to have complete control over you."

"All this because I killed a couple of good for nothing stories." the Jackel whinned.

"Wrong pyscho, you killed two of my stories." Regina said

The Dirty Red Jackel fell silent._________________I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Tue Jul 05, 2005 12:27 pm

KatarinaNavane

Joined: 26 Nov 2004
Posts: 908
Location: Athens Ohio

Meanwhile...
"Excuse me, but don't I have a say in this?" interjected an itrate teen. The Lovely Miss Katarina Navane enters the scene. "Would somebody like to explain what's going on?"
The gravely voice of her uncle responded. "I used to be the god of the dead. I used to be worshipped. But with all these damn monotheists I've been demoted. I am now the god of dead chain stories. It is my job to renew them, and to punish the story killers. You, my friend, killed a story. While one story is a mere misdemenor when compared to the sins of others, you must be punished by being written into one. A date has been arranged with a more serious story killer. An extremely distant relative of mine, on the canine side of the family, by the name of Dirty Red Jackal."
"Aww crap. But I'm a cat person!"
"And I perfer mummification to amature authors, but we can't always have what we want, can we?"
"This blows."
"There is a plus side, though. Since he is a more serious offender than you, we've given you an advantage. You get Magical Author Powers for the night. Anything happens that you don't like, you can re-write it."
"But I guess that's not so bad..."
"But there's a catch..."_________________Totus Floreo Totus Ardeo

"See. So no matter what I say you won't believe me anyway so why are you worried about it. Just do it."

Katarina knew she had because Anubis was after all her most wealthy uncle. If she ever intended to touch him for a few notes, or more likely straight gold or power, she would have to suck it up and play the patsy. "Ok uncle I'll go but only if I get to keep the powers over the weekend. Some mortal friends are throwing a party. I feel like being bad."

"Well of coarse. We can't have the neice of Anibus the god of the dead, God of Chain stories go around without any boom and bang. How does seperation and levetation sound to you? You can do that move the host's under clothing and place place it two feet to the side trick. That one allways brings down the house" Anubis laughed heartly.

"No uncle, I'm thinking of something better."

"Better than the undergarment trick. Child, where did I go wrong. That's freakin' hysterical. Are you sure you know the trick I speak of?"

but I wasn't._________________I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:35 pm

y

Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3858

"Well...I think I'd to have multiplie varieties of pie always on hand for whatever situations that may occur."
"Pie?"
"Yes. Pie."
"Is that all?"
"What do you mean, 'is that all'? Pie is great! I've been told that you can use pie for many differnet reasons."
"Such as?"
"Well, how much time do you have?"
"Look, I'm just trying to give you the opportunity to have some super cool, totally awesome, mind blowing powers and all you can come up with is that you want pie?"
"How about magic pie?"
"Enough with the pie!"
"But I like pie..."Katarina mumbled under her breath.
"What was that?"
"Nuthin."
"Look Kat, I'll give you 15 minutes to come up with something. In fact, I'll give you 6 different magical powers. That's double my normal power granting allowance."
"Well, if I have 6 different choices, one of them can be pie...can't it?"
"FINE! With a wave of my magic scepter you now have the ability to always produce a pie for every occasion. In other words, I've just turned you into my mom. Happy now?"
"Yes!"
"Now please, please ask for some really great awesome powers! Between you and I kid, I'd rather like the opportunity to show off a bit."
"Okay, for my next power I'd like.....

"Okay, for my next power I'd like hmmm"Katarina pondered,"The power of Clod!"

"Clod?"

"You know Clod from page three of Electric boogaloo." Katarina said

"What powers did he have?" Anubis said "Didn't he just say some kind of wack prophesy mumbo jumbo?"

"Clod, the creature would morph from one repulsive likeness to another. It was really freaky. Like how bigfoot is allways blurry." Katarina shuddered " I hate it when creatures are all blurry. That's just freaky."

"Ok so let me get this straight you want the power to go "all blurry" is that it?" Anubis sighed.

"No, no,no. Didn't you even read the story?"

"Well I..."

"I want the power to be Undefinable." said Katarina

"Undefinable?"

"Yes, as the mind is trying to see me it can't and of so it's extra freaky"

"So you want to be invisible?"

"No. Aren't you listening to me? I want to be undefinable."

"Sounds like invisible to me."

Katarina stomped a foot and huffed.

"Ok, ok. Undefinable." Anubis relented. "Next?"

"Hmmm next I want..._________________I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Thu Jul 14, 2005 12:10 pm

KatarinaNavane

Joined: 26 Nov 2004
Posts: 908
Location: Athens Ohio

"I want to be able to plant an Idea in someones mind just by looking at them."
"That's it? An Idea?"
"Mind conrol is tricky, any more than that and people start to suspect something."
"Uh huh..."
"You'd be amazed with what you can do with an Idea. I can make someone think to themself, 'I should dunk my head in that fishbowl' or I could make a guy think another guy was hot. Even if they didn't act on it, it would seem like it came out of their own mind and therefore they would drive themselves nuts trying to think of why they thought of that."
"Does that make any sense at all?"
"Yes."
"I just don't get you..."
"Next I want..."

PS. sry for absense of dialogue tags, but when there's only two people talking they just seem superfluous and repetitive to me._________________Totus Floreo Totus Ardeo

"Next I want...hmmm...did I say pie already?"
At the mentioning of pie, yet again, Anubis let out a huge sigh and began beating Katarina in the head with the end of his sceptor.
"How (thump) many (thwack) times (thud) do I (thump) have (thump) to tell (thud) you (thwack) enough (thump) with (thud) the PIE (tink). Hey, what the hell was that?"
"Ohhhhh nothing" Kataraina said with a sly smile on her lips. "You've just activited my self destruct button."
"Your what?"
"Self destruct button. It's a defense mechanism. Incase I'm in trouble way over my head, all I have to do is push this little button right here behind my ear."
"And then what?"
"And then, I wait 30 minutes and I blow up, my attacker blows up, hell, I think I have something like a 20 mile radius on this thing."
"Blow up? I Anubis, god to millions refuse to be blown up by some little girls defense mechanism. How do we shut it off?"
"It's kind of embarrassing."
"What is?"
"How to turn it off."
"How so?"
"Well, someone has to push another button."
"Okay, well, I'm someone. Well, not just someone, I'm Anubis -"
"Yeah. I think we got that cleared up a while ago."
"So what button do I have to push?"
"I...well..."
"We haven't got all day you know."
"It's right here." Anubis' eyes grew wide as he watched where Katarina was pointing.
"You want me to push a button on...that?"
"I can't do it myself you know."
"So all I have to do, is reach over and push that little button on your..."