This blog is obviously socio-political satire and you would have to be a complete moron to take it seriously

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Sometimes I wonder if it were even possible for God to express itself fully through a single human being, which leads me to reject the idea of God as anything other than the totality of all things. Personally, I believe that Jesus has reincarnated several times and each one of his incarnations has served to fulfill a part of his agenda. There is also the possibility that Jesus split himself into several souls and they are all here at once. But I don’t see how the omnipotent rapture-Jesus foretold by Revelations is possible.

If Jesus came down from heaven in all of his glory, he wouldn’t be able to define himself as human, because if he tried, everyone would be pissed off at him.

If he came back as a man, the women would be pissed.

If he came back as a white man, the blacks would be pissed.

If he came back beautiful, the ugly people would be pissed.

If he came back heterosexual, the gays would be pissed.

If he came back as an anarchist, the government would be pissed and probably do something stupid like nail him to another tree.

If he came back as a fascist, everyone would be pissed.

If he came back as a new-age hippie guru, the church would be pissed.

If he came back as a Democrat, the Republicans would be pissed.

There is no circumstance in which he could come back that wouldn’t piss someone off, possibly starting a war. Jesus himself, probably the most peaceful person ever, has been the motivation behind plenty of wars, from the Crusades to the Inquisition, and on into the modern age.

Like old Abraham Lincoln said, “You can please some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time.” This world is so divided, how could one person of one nationality, race, sex, and creed ever hope to lead it?

Jesus wants to please everyone. That’s why he generally tends to stay off this lousy rock. Its impossible to please anyone here because you are all bigots with your own idea of what is right and what is wrong. If Jesus tried to come back to this planet at the state its in now, he would inevitably piss a lot of people off, because he wouldn’t be anything they expected or were hoping for.

The fact of the matter is, it is logically impossible for Jesus to please everyone because everyone has conflicting agendas. How is it possible for someone who has to be everything to everyone to have his own identity? And indeed, the first time he came, he most certainly did not please anyone and in fact created a lot of conflict and pissed a lot of important people off by revealing everyone’s petty scams and trifling cons to the world, even at the highest levels of ‘society’. And ultimately everyone became so heavily invested in lies that they felt like they had to get rid of the one guy who was faithful to the truth.

People of the earth don’t like peace. They like war. They don’t like charity. They like mindless self-indulgence. How are you going to attract a soul of peace and charity when you are all a bunch of greedy assholes? Why would Jesus ever want to come back? On a planet this greedy, he would probably attract more haters than Obama, Justin Beiber, and Octo-mom combined.

And think of how Jesus would be exploited in the modern age. Companies would want endorsements. Someone would try to get him to do a porno. The military might try to turn him into a weapon. The Feds would try to use him as a spy. The mafia would set up a gambling racket around his behavior. Every country on Earth would want him to claim allegiance to their nation. Every loser on the planet would feel like he owed them something because of a bunch of false promises made by writers who never even met the man.

It’s like that scene in RoboCop 2 where the corporation that owned RoboCop was trying to re-program his brain to make him ‘better’, but ultimately corporate committee thinking just created a logically indecipherable chunk of code that wouldn’t compile!

So, in the end, if Jesus ever came back, I think he would probably reject Government, Religion, Big Business, and Society and just move into a shack in the woods and play guitar or something. I can’t claim to know the mind of God, but I know good people because I am one. From my point of view, what humans call ‘society’ is, in actuality, just a bunch of selfish people manipulating each other, and really, I don’t want any part of it. And I’m pretty sure that Jesus, Lao Tzu, and a lot of other holy wise men would probably agree.