I didn’t name this a “guide to the gym.” I named it a “guide to going to the gym.” See, it’s nice to want to learn about machines and exercises, about gym etiquette and basic rules. But to wrangle those things we first have to tackle the very real fact that most people never actually set foot in a gym. Imma help with that.

That’s why I came up with this handy-dandy guide intended to help you get your butt out the door and actually in the gym; to finally shut up that jerk of a voice in your head telling you you’ll look ridiculous and out of place, so why bother going at all. Enough of that shit.

And why should you listen to me?

Because this is what I do for work and how I earn a living. I have insider information.

And also because once upon a time I was in your exact same shoes.

Which brings me to The Things You Should Know #1: Every single gym rat, buff guy/girl and fitness enthusiast you may ever come across, has at some point in their lives started off as a newbie. Just like you. We’ve all been there: the uncomfortable feeling of stepping into new territory, the self-consciousness of knowing we’re going to mess up and be ridiculed, the awkwardness of thinking we don’t fit in, so sure that others will see right through our pretending, sorry asses. Actually (and you have my permission to laugh. Because, really.) I want you to know that I was in your shoes just two years ago– and I was already a personal trainer! Even though I was a fitness professional, I had lots of experience, I knew all the ropes… I couldn’t help but feel scared when the time came to start training at my new place of work. You would imagine that with all I knew and the cred that comes from having put your fair amount of time training yourself and others I would be immune to the mental B.S. But I wasn’t. Because when push comes to shove, survival instincts kick in and fear of the unknown is a very real defense mechanism. It took me one week to finally walk down that narrow hall into the weights area, the lonesome girl amidst the lifting guys. And it got better. Real quick, actually.

That fear you feel is normal.

You got that? It’s normal.

It’s actually kind of natural, expected and even somewhat healthy to feel this way. Back in the days when our survival depended on our awareness and familiarity with our surroundings, our monkey brain evolved to be uncomfortable and hyper-aware in new situations. Although our lives have drastically changed, to this day that part of our brain feels threatened as we experience something new, as though we were in great danger, and is trying to kick us into fight or flight mode. I mean, what if a sable-tooth tiger jumps out from behind the leg press machine, right?

Our logic, conscious mind knows that new can be scary though not necessarily bad or dangerous. But monkey brain didn’t get that memo. And this is why you have to remember that your brain is simply doing its part in keeping you safe from harm when these feelings arise. It’s trying to convince you to stick to what you know, to what’s familiar and comfortable (like staying at home instead of going to the gym.) Thank your brain for taking such good care of you, but don’t let the fear dominate your life experiences. You got this.

A powerful exercise to deal with such thoughts of doom is what is called notice and name. When the uncomfortable thoughts arise, simply notice their presence without judgment or trying to push them away. “Oh, there’s fear.” “Why hello, self-doubt.” “Hm, I’m thinking thoughts of ridicule.” This simple action strips them of their iron grip over your life. You become an observer, no longer the main character suffering the story these thoughts want to tell. Sure, it takes practice to catch yourself, but trust me, the benefits of noticing and naming cannot be understated.

And while we’re in the subject of “thoughts of ridicule,” let me introduce you to The Things You Should Know #2: No one went to the gym today with the sole purpose of judging, criticizing or humiliating you. Really. Our tendency may be to make everything about ourselves, but in this case it’s just not. Most people in the gym are genuinely there to exercise. Shocking, eh? Most don’t have a whole lot of time in their day to stand around pointing fingers and laughing and newbies (and if they do, how sad is their life?) Even though you feel extremely self-conscious and like all eyes are on you (remember: Your brain is in hyper-aware mode) remember other people have their own worries, goals, insecurities, and time frames to even give you or me a second thought.

Some day down the line, once your gym is familiar territory and you’re rocking to your favorite tunes and kicking ass in whatever you’re doing, you will suddenly realize how you truly don’t pay much attention to anyone else around you. You’ll know with all certainty you had nothing to worry about in the first place.

I want to make this as easy on you as I can. So here are my easy-peasy pointers to successfully get your rear in gear.

1) Find a gym you like.

Big, impersonal chain gyms aren’t the only option out there. Find a gym or studio that gives you a nice feeling, that reflects values and ideas that are important to you. If being surrounded by bodybuilders isn’t your idea of fun, maybe stay away from Gold’s gym. There are so many quirky, cute, special and unique spaces where there is a sense of community within members– if that’s your thing. If you’re a loner and would rather not share space with many others maybe find a 24/7 gym to which you can have access at odd hours and rock it out alone. This is about you and what you enjoy. You won’t go to the gym if you can’t stand what it looks like, smells like, feels like, and represents. Be true to yourself.

2) Get at least a one-hour session with a personal trainer.

Many new gym-goers skip on this because of financial reasons, but you have no idea what even one hour alone with a trainer can do for your gym life. You have one hour to ask all the questions you want, they will tell you about the gym rules (the stipulated ones and the unspoken ones), they will teach you how to use the machines and equipment. This can give you all the confidence you need. Plus, it allows you to solidly meet one staff member. Bonus: Have them introduce you to other staff members! They’re you allies, your spotters, your guides. They want to see you succeed and keep coming back. Use them.

3) Do what you like.

If you hate cardio please don’t spend endless hours on the treadmill or elliptical. If you hate cycling don’t join a spinning class. At least in the beginning focus on what you like. Remember we’re in the process of making the gym a familiar place where you feel comfortable. You’ll have time to tackle more new things soon enough. In your first few tries, be kind and patient with yourself.

4) Prep. Practice. Mentalize.

Prepare your gym bag (shoes, water bottle, iPod and ear buds, wallet with gym membership card) the night before. Leave your gym clothes laid out, too. Choose a training program you’re excited about following and (trick of the trade) PRACTICE. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have the equipment, simply practice the motions when you’re alone at home in front of the mirror until your body feels comfortable with the movements. Make it easy to succeed! Find YouTube videos explaining proper form for each exercise and practice the shit out of ’em. Mentalize yourself doing the exercises at the gym– this adds to the feeling of familiarity, since your brain can’t tell the difference between what you imagined and what you have in reality experienced. So, as far as your brain knows, you have been in this gym doing these exercises before. Less stress, yay!

This should be enough to set you up in the path of being an avid gym-goer. Welcome to the dark side, rockstar.

In a culture that’s saturated with information and judgment about how women should look, where we often hear about the devastation that media and Photoshopped images cause on young girls’ self-esteem, it becomes easy to forget men may feel as vulnerable about their body composition as their female counterparts.

In this unapologetic and direct article a man comes out and says enough.

Enough shame. Enough hatred. Enough self-attacks.

Some have argued– as explained in this The Globe and Mail article about Jezebel readers’ reactions to his decision to bare it all– that men have no business complaining because women get it so much worse, and thus inadvertently have turned this issue into a battle of who’s the biggest martyr.

More than the nudity, the exposure or the presumed offensiveness of his pictures, what I found very distasteful was precisely this: the self-entitlement with which some people can say to another You have no right to complain.

You have no right to feel sad.

You shouldn’t be whining because you don’t have it as bad.

This is as logical as me running over your dog and then rolling my eyes if you cry because think of all the other people who have lost pets in way more tragic ways, seriously. It makes as much sense as telling a mother whose child has died that she isn’t allowed to mourn because at least she’s not one of those women incapable of conceiving, I mean come on.

Since when did invalidating an individual’s emotions become the viable solution to a problem?

How in our minds do we justify that if we take what a person genuinely feels, throw it on the floor, stomp it over and piss on it, then it’s not a problem anymore?

As individuals we’re allowed to find joy or suffering wherever we choose, and invalidating a person’s feelings won’t resolve the greater dilemma represented here any more than it would help telling an anorexic girl to eat because think of the starving children in Africa. For all we know this exercise was exactly what this man needed to find his peace, and who are we to nullify his triumph?

And so yes. That’s a real human body. If you can’t handle that, don’t click.

“I don’t know how to fix the broken ways our culture talks about bodies. I don’t know how to make people love themselves. I don’t even know how to mend the disconnect between my sense of self and my physical shape. What I do know is how to confront fear and shame and self-hatred, at least for myself, and how you do that is head-on.”

After a couple of friends shared on Facebook the video of 86 year-old Johanna Quaas performing her floor routine– complete with cartwheels and jumps– I wanted to learn more.

Watching the video I (like many others, I’m sure!) instantly assumed that German born Quass had been dedicating her entire life to gymnastics, surely being one of those child prodigies who just had it, like magic, since birth. Of course what I was doing was immediately giving myself a reason why she and not I was capable of, at her age, performing the way she did. But get this: This graceful senior only began practicing gymnastics at the age of 30. In the world of gymnastics by 30 most careers are very well over; you’re simply past your prime, a dinosaur, definitely too old.

But at some point came along this determined woman and told them all to suck it. And here are the results:

Like this:

I just finished watching a Ted conference by Mark Bittman titled What’s wrong with what we eat, and it left me thinking.

I’m thinking about how I’m considering going ‘vegan’, and it hit me: Why are there even labels to classify the way we eat?

Because in our society, eating animal products is the “default setting”. Regular people don’t call the host the day before the party and say “Is it ok if I bring a carnivore appetizer to share?” The standard folk won’t walk into a restaurant and ask if they have carnivore options in their menu. Because meat and animal products are everywhere; they’re the default setting, and the assumption always is you eat them, too. You’re expected to.

It is clear to me now how conditioned we are from a young age by consequence of where we were born. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to start a rant against the government and society for the ills they’ve caused, that wouldn’t help much. This more like a step in the widening of my vision, my trying to understand why we do the things we do and believe the things we believe. I love to question things, and this matter is no different.