Monday, June 25, 2007

Hi. My name is Dave, and I'm a boss. It's a title that is rather new to me...and it's a mantle that fits on my shoulders about as comfortably as a shoulder ride for Robert Hufford. Robert Hufford is fat in case you didn't know. And he smells bad.

Over the weekend, I saw an opportunity to expand our vast workforce of 3 sales reps to an even 4. He was a nice kid of 23 years and he was looking for a job. I told him he could start Monday.

Today was Monday, his first day and also his last day. After showing up to work with thug-like shorts and black socks pulled up to mid calf, he thought that wearing his cool sunglasses would be a good idea while trying talk to people about Pest Control at their doors. "Fine", I thought..."honest mistakes. The kinks will smooth themselves out." We headed out of the car and to the first door. A "snap" sound caught my attention and I looked back at him just in time to see him hit his chew box one more time to pack it well. He opened the box, pulled out a pinch of chew and stuffed it under his lip and said, "ok, I'm ready now."

I must say that as his boss, I was thoroughly impressed. I mean, on your first day of work, if you are looking to impress the person who hired you, be sure to bring your chewing tobacco and be ABSOLUTELY SURE that you pack it put it under you lip right in front of him. If you want to know the biggest sales secret known to man, there it is, try to talk to people and make a good impression on potential clients with some snuff making your lip fat.

Now I have to be a real boss and fire poor kid tomorrow. I guess now I know how Donald Trump feels all the time on his show. Dang! That's rough Don. All I know is that I want Robert Hufford off of my shoulders as soon as possible. Robert is fat, just in case you didn't know. And he's a liar.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

You're right. That probably is the gayest post I've done yet. You've always had a keen eye for when I'm being gay and need to be corrected - kind of like that one time on the cruise when I was wearing tuxedo shorts and the indonesian janitor asked me if I had "any gay DVD". Not even just "a gay DVD", he wanted "any gay DVD". That was one desperate gay indonesian janitor.

I'll do my best in the future to not dissapoint. If I have to post something gay again, I'll be sure to include a picture of a girl I'm really attracted to at the bottom just so everyone knows that they are in a hetero cyberspace...there is, however, no smoking in this space and absolutely no running by the pool under any circumstances. Those are the only rules. I don't know what this post is even about anymore. Over and out.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

This is a song of songs. Nothing new about it, I've been listening to it for a couple years now. When you listen to it, see if it doesn't match your mood. I listen to it when I'm happy...it fits. I listen to it when I'm sad...it fits. When I'm somewhere in between, it fits. It has a bit of a Mona Lisa smile to it I guess. I listen to it after selling all day long and getting my butt kicked out there...it fits. This is Loro by Pinback.