The State of Sex

The act is as old as mankind itself--but Internet porn and the sex swing are significantly newer. So Esquire teamed up with Marie Claire magazine to commission a candid, modern survey of America's sexual habits, desires, and taboos. Here, the salacious data...

Single men in monogamous relationships have a lot more sex than married men (4.5 times versus 2.7 times per week, or 66% more). The more money men make, the more sex they have, but the men who have the most sex--more than 15 times a week--make less than $100,000 a year.

How long are you waiting for it?

The average number of dates before having sex is 3 for men and 5 for women. Men are more likely to have waited until marriage to have sex: 14% say they waited, while only 9% of women held out.

How many partners have you had in your lifetime?

Men's average: 14Women's average: 11
About 40% of men and women have had fewer than 5 partners in their lifetime; 10% of men and 5% of women have had 50 or more partners.

What's the longest you've gone without it?

Men's average: 19 months

Women's average: 16 months

35% of both men and women have gone without sex for more than 1 year, and 13% of men and 7% of women have gone without it for 5 years or more.

How often do you pleasure yourself?

Men: 4.9 times per week

Women: 2.8 times per week

15% of men have paid for sex (and another 10% say they'd try it); only 1% of women have done so.

32% of men want more anal sex; only 6% of women agree--the biggest disparity of any act.

Least favorite positions:

Women: Reverse cowgirl (only 2% said it was their favorite)

Men: Tie, reverse cowgirl and spooning (5%)

Republican men prefer the woman on top; Democrats prefer doggy style.

What are your biggest fears when having sex with someone for the first time?

Men

Women

1. HIV*

HIV*

2. My performance

STD (other than HIV)

3. STD (other than HIV)

Pregnancy

4. Pregnancy

My performance

5. Emotional entanglement

Emotional entanglement

6. The wrath of God

The wrath of God

7. Partner's performance

Partner's performance

* 1 in 4 men and women say HIV is their biggest fear when having sex for the first time with a new partner, yet nearly the same percentage say they never use a condom when having sex for the first time with a partner.

How do you feel after a one-night stand

Men: Satisfaction. Men are more than 3 times as likely as women to feel satisfied.

Women: Regret. Women are more than 2 times as likely to feel regret or shame.

Does she engage in the following?

Yes

Enjoys a little

Enjoys a lot

Receiving oral sex

90%

26%

71%

Giving oral sex

89

44

43

Dirty talk

79

55

38

Watching partner masturbate

56

49

41

Phone sex

42

61

26

Anal sex

42

51

19

Role-playing

41

60

33

Sex in public

40

58

34

Light bondage

34

48

47

Videotaping or photographing sex

21

56

26

S&M

14

64

24

Same-sex encounters

14

38

50

What is she willing to try?

She's done it

No, but she's willing

A threesome

12%

18%

Sex on a plane

4

35

An orgy

3

13

What are you using in bed?

Men

Women

Vibrator

48%

63%

Food

46

49

Restraints or handcuffs

35

37

Blindfold

30

29

Butt plug or anal beads

17

11

Whip

14

9

Gag

12

7

Sex swing or the "Wedge"

10

3

Illustration by Andy Friedman

Where did you meet your current partner?

14% of men and 11% of women met their current sex partners online--more than bars, parties, and dating services combined.

60% of men surf the Net for porn (more than 75% of single men between 25 and 34). About 25% spend more than 3 hours a week doing it. 17% of women surf the Internet for porn; 11% spend more than 3 hours a week doing it. 32% of men and 14% of women have looked at porn at work.

Has technology helped or hindered your sex life?

59% of men and 52% of women with BlackBerrys, PDAs, or cell phones say these devices have enhanced (rather than infringed on) their sex lives. 34% of men and 29% of women say they've used the devices to instigate sex.

Republicans use text messaging to initiate sex more often than Democrats.

12% of men and 7% of women have answered a work call or e-mail during sex.

Illustration by Andy Friedman

How loyal are you?

80% of women say they're in a monogamous relationship, while only 66% of men say they are.

Have you cheated?

49% of men say it's conceivable that they will cheat on their partners (or already have) compared with 34% of women; for married men it's 47% and married women 35%.

What do you consider off-limits for your partner?

Men

Women

Having sex with a prostitute

84%

97%

Exchanging sexually charged e-mails

63

83

Massaging with a happy ending

56

77

Flirting

49

59

Getting a lap dance

37

59

Going to a strip club

31

43

Looking at porn

20

28

Single men in monogamous relationships have a lot more sex than married men (4.5 times versus 2.7 times per week, or 66% more). The more money men make, the more sex they have, but the men who have the most sex--more than 15 times a week--make less than $100,000 a year.

The most powerful aphrodisiac is...

Men

Women

Looks

38%

17%

Wealth

5

2

Power

4

6

Wit

11

15

Intelligence

17

18

Kindness

26

43

Looks are most important to women in their 20s and least important to women in their 40s. Intelligence in a partner is least important to married women and women who earn $100,000 or more. Meanwhile, men who earn more than $100,000 care more about partners' looks than poorer men.

Trimmed or waxed but not bare: 55%; completely absent: 24%; all natural: 22%

What women actually do:

Women in their 20s:

66% trimmed or waxed but not bare, 18% bare, 16% all natural

Women in their 30s:

64% trimmed or waxed but not bare, 25% all natural, 11% bare

Women in their 40s:

50% trimmed or waxed but not bare, 45% all natural, 5% bare

What men actually do:

Go all natural: 55%
Trim: 40%
Take it all off: 4%

Republicans prefer their partners' pubic hair to be all natural, while Democrats prefer a trim.

Methodology: This survey was conducted exclusively for Esquire and Marie Claire magazines by Beta Research Corporation, an independent firm located in Syosset, New York. The 1,738 respondents were randomly selected and are a representative national sample of American men and women ages 21 to 49. They completed the online survey between October 24, 2006, and November 1, 2006. Because of rounding, some percentages may not add up to 100.