Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Cody lay in Luigi’s arms
listening to him breathe. What was true,
he wondered. He’d been unfaithful to his
wife, and he loved her, deeply. Yet he
had sneaked out to pick up men, he had had sex with men. And sex was so intimate. Worse, he had shared his soul with Philippa,
and she with him, and now, maybe they would never meet again. Would he ever see his children? He loved Luigi, but he loved Philippa
too. Luigi had been forgiving and
patient, but he’d seen the occasional flashes of irritation in Luigi’s eyes at
his grief and doubts. Without Luigi he
had nothing. Nothing. But what did he have with Luigi? Did Luigi still love him? What if Luigi stopped loving
him? He had, if nothing else, Luigi’s
friends, yet even there, they were Luigi’s champions not his. Jason had made it plain that if Cody ever
hurt Luigi he would have him to answer too.
But he wouldn’t hurt Luigi. Would
he? What if Philippa said she would have
him back? Would he go back? Could he promise he would never again have
sex—fall in love—with another man? And
if Luigi had fallen out of love with him, what then?

Like Lucasta Ellesmere, he
fell into a disturbed sleep, but his dreams were about running through a forest
in the dark in despair, trying to escape a killer.