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Turned down

So, the job I applied for last week, is not going to be my job. I was turned down for the job, with the reason that there were other applicants who fit better to theprofile the company is looking for. (First thought: Yeah, as always…).

It’s not cool. And this can make me feel more bad about myself. I know it’s just one thing now, but this is how it always went before too. It makes me wonder; where the heck DO i fit? Where the heck am I good enough for? What the heck is wrong with me?

I so need something in my life I can earn some income again, even if its just a little, I don’t require a job with a super salary. All I want, is just a decent salary so I can get by. Buy some food, be able to live on my own again , even if it’s a very small place, and buy myself new clothes if I need them. Pay my health insurance. Is that too much to ask?
It seems so.

I know of course, there are lots of people unemployed at the moment. I am tired of this competition to find a job. Already. It did not change it the time I went abroad.

I guess the pressure to try again for benefits is getting bigger. And end my freedom. And end a part of dignity that was left that I had for myself.

And I don’t know if I will go try out the Jiu Jitsu training tonight. I am afraid.

I should go, I guess. But I’m afraid at this moment, afraid to go to new places I don’t know, afraid for people. What to say? And what right do I have, to spend money, even if it’s not much, on sports? I almost feel like I’m a criminal, someone who is bad and doesn’t deserve the right to live. And I know it’s not like that, though sometimes it feels that way. Meh. It’s temporary, right? (Second thought, it’s what I say to myself all the time)

thanks. Maybe, it doesn’t make sense that “just a small thing” like this can cause so much, sometimes we just need something positive happening. And when that doesn’t come, it’s just……hard. and hard to keep hope.

I’m searching for work too, and I know how it make us feel, when they don’t return or they say something like you are not what we are looking for, but don’t let this get you down,just keep trying read more about how to perform a good interview and make all them a experience for yourself what to improve to the next if you don’t pass or what to keep to the next positions if you was good.

Yeah, I know, shouldn’t let something like this pull you down….but sometimes when it happens too much, it’s just hard to keep positive. I followed a few trainings in these things, I ask(ed) for help from people who are good in these things, but if you always get the same responds, and the pressure is so high, I don’t know. It’s just hard.