Wednesday, October 16, 2013

... and maybe I already did, but you can only learn without experience up to a limit. Then you're faced with different situations and you realize and accept things much better than how you did before. It's just that age thing, isn't it? Some things you just understand when it's 'time'. When I started writing on this blog, I was an energetic, excited, protected, fun-loving, eager-to-participate kind of a girl, fresh into college, wondering why one of my closest college friends didn't seem too happy, or as excited as I was about college. She said she didn't like the 'people' and the negatives emanating from them drained her. She even went on to say that "I" am the reason she's able to stay. I don't know if she would read this, but I have to say that it is now that I understand how she felt. I loved that college, more than what I showed and maybe it's because the present one makes me feel like the way she felt back then. I know now. I also know, or let's say, I understand these as well:

1. You know how there are some people who're kind of dominating? The ones who suck out your energy because the way they look at you contrasts with what they speak, and it's unnerving. Sometimes they're just mean, the bad thing being they don't realize it and the worst of it being when they do know it, yet they'd still deliberately make someone feel bad about themselves, or not participate in their happiness, or visibly show they don't like them. This scared me at first, wondering what kind of a conscience they might have. Do they even have it? Why isn't it capable of killing them from the inside? And I know it doesn't, because they continue living in their self-created high bubble, among other similar meanies who know nothing better than to simply follow the leader, because they forgot they have their own brains. Well done, meanies. Now I just feel sorry for you, for the immense lack of understanding about people and emotions you have, because you're just so self-centered.

They make others feel like this sometimes. :|

2. Victims of such psychological bullying may experience a shift in their personality, not necessarily a happy shift, and one which involves them losing their confidence, interests in activities they liked, hatred for people, a reluctance to talk to new people. They lose friends because meanies, making full use of the 'smart' tactics and the fact that people are vulnerable when tensed and are totally fickle minded, are able to successfully bad-mouth those who're totally unaware of it. The even smarter ones might not bad-mouth them, but would anyway make the rest feel someone else is just not good, or right, or nice enough. Another thing I noticed was how your behaviour towards a certain person can shift dramatically because someone close to you shifts their behaviour too.

Meaning, you make the rest into meanies too. BAD influence.

Consider this example: I've always seen my parents being 'nice' to people. Never a rude word or impoliteness. I was scolded when I even said, "I hate.. so and so". Mom practically got a shock, saying how you can't really "hate" someone, it is such a wrong thing to do. I decided trying to work around it, to see only the good in people and I did succeed to some extent. Anyway, that's a different point. A few days ago I saw dad pass only a half-hearted smile to a neighbour, and even that shocked me because I always expected him to be nice. I asked, half-angrily why he didn't greet him properly and he said how he doesn't like their habit of always parking wrong, despite reminders. The point is, I don't like to see them being rude, I wonder how many times did their heart feel sad to see me talking like that. Now whenever I see that neighbour, despite trying to not think about it, I do get a glimpse of his personality clouded by the fact that he never listens to the parking problems. See? I don't even know his name and I'm judging him. See how meanies can affect someone's image in the same way? I understand now how this works.

3. There's this teacher we have, a visiting faculty, who intrigues me somehow with the simple, people-based things he talks about and makes those as the basis for teaching the otherwise mundane subjects. Once in a class he made a comment about mean people. Or those who dominate to work their way up, making others feel like hell in the process. He said they're actually quite insecure. And the way insecure people work is that they make others feel insecure about themselves and use it to feel better themselves. I've compared this statement with some meanies. With the recent inability/disinterest in talking at all, I've observed more than ever and it seems to be quite true. You see it in the way they'd look. 'Expressions' are called expressions for a reason. They tell you 90% of the things that are unspoken and also when what one says is conflicting with what they feel.

4. You behave differently in front of people you're not comfortable with and those with whom you gel well. I know, it's obvious, but there's more to it. You even behave differently with strangers when you're alone and when you're with someone you "have" to be with but you're not the buddy-buddy kind. They dominate you. Think about it. Imagine one person who may be in your college, a classmate you feel those negative vibes with, but you're just going somewhere work-related with them. You meet a stranger, maybe someone coming up to you to ask if you know the place they're looking for. If you'd been alone, you'd have felt more 'free' and like your own self and you'd have smiled wide and helped them. If you're with the meanie, you'd feel self-conscious because that's how pathetically they make you feel. You'd mumble something and look away as soon as the stranger left.

There's this saying, 'people won't remember what you did for them, but they'll always remember how you made them feel'. I couldn't agree more, because you do remember. That's the way you remember people. Think about your school. You remember the bully with a frown because he made you feel bad back then, you remember your best friend with a smile, or even that sweet, helpful girl in class because she was always polite to you and made you feel respected.

5. This is something that needs to go out as a message, because some people don't just realize it. It is **extremely** important to express your feelings or your thoughts when someone does something and is expecting it. People aren't telepathic, they won't know what you think unless you say it. Most of all when it is expected. *Biggest examples*: Go back to what you learned in Kindergarten. Say 'please', 'sorry' and 'thank you'. Often. USE these words to express your wish, your guilt, your gratitude. "Gratitude" is what you should feel, not jealousy or hatred. Someone passes you a water bottle, say Thankyou. You make someone wait for longer, say a Sorry and mean it! If you're asking someone to pick up your chai from the canteen, have the courtesy to ask with a Please, instead of ordering them around. People don't really mind doing these little things, but the way you say it makes a difference. I know it now.

Seriously.

Though I don't mean that you say it to make them happy and get the work done, not really meaning it yourself. Because there would be some people not giving a damn to someone's existence but would come running with fake puppy-pathetic faces asking for help with extended 'please's and 'thankyou's. Not cool. Not cool at all.

But I also know that the way to deal with meanies is to not give them any kind of satisfaction, or the illusion that they've succeeded. No matter what happens, you have to forget they made you feel bad, you have to get over it asap because it is only you who's going to get affected and learn to block them out as much as you can. You realize that some people are just not the effort, or your time. You may have still been kind and good, trying to make things better yourself, but sometimes it's just not worth it because some people aren't going to change. Those who do, well and good. But if they don't, learn to ignore (and this works best) and talk to those who make you feel better. Indulge in activities you liked, it may be harder but think about it: no one can make you lose interest in things you love. How can you let them? Be persistent, be focused, ignore the small talk, focus on the big picture and move on. Life is beautiful, cut the weeds out of it as frequently and clearly as possible. :) Keep smiling. :D

***

I hope you survived the emotional ride and made it here. I always focused on posting energetic, happy stuff on the blog, wanting to make this a place where people connect and feel good about themselves and their lives, just by knowing there's someone just like them out here, not afraid to talk about her life. I restricted myself from posting serious stuff like this, but then I really wanted to share these thoughts and since they're a part of me, the not-so-perfect life I have, it's just to say I'm just an ordinary person trying to lead a simple, ordinary life, which in itself is quite extraordinary these days, don't you think? ;) This too, is a part of me. :)

PS- I haven't been referring to anyone as such. Nor have I been the victim in all cases. This is the result of being quiet lately and observing more than ever. :D Agree on any of these?

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Ohmygod. Whatever presumptions I did have, I certainly did not think using a heavy brush and a bucket of paint would give me a body pain. -_- Those painter dudes are certainly tough guys, I know now. But no, I'm not complaining, because it's been (and still is) the kind of experience someone as crazy enough as I am would love to have. Despite the pain, the chanting of God's various names while precariously perched on top of the ladder (did I say perched? Cross that, standing with just plain walls for support, on which you can't even lean because one, they're newly painted and two, you'd just fall anyway), an overenthusiastic mom (who by the way, turned out to be an awesome Paintwoman!) I'm loving it! :D I'm kind of blocked right now and so I dunno how to go about this post, to include everything I've learned! I'm feeling like a hungry maJdoor (special emphasis on 'J'. Hi, munchkin! :P ) right now, waiting for tea, which I've consumed like... like whoever consumes tea all day long and I won't have time after this because I've gotta get started with the designing. :D

Things you learn when you get down to painting your room:

1. You thought you were enthusiastic, you wished your parents would get enthusiastic too. Dudes, whoever said 'Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true' was right. Half your time might be spent fighting with your mom at whose turn it is to use the brush. She might want to paint everything herself and give you the job of using the roller on the fresh paint so it gets even. She might reduce the number of breaks you have and make you get away from the technological gadgets you use for breaks. But it's actually something you enjoy. You realize all her ideas have wonderful results, she's an awesome Paintwoman, and has got an eye for colors and which area needs another coat. Trust her, people! Mother knows best. ;)

2. The first coat of paint would always be patchy and uneven. Even after it dries up. Even if it's a plain, normal wall without any internal past water seepage problem. :P It might look so bad that you'd think you shouldn't have taken the initiative after all. BUT no! You'd actually 'get' how to paint effectively so it doesn't make a patch by the second time around. And you'd be more careful. Just gently make horizontal strokes and then use a roller over them to make it smooth. You wouldn't know how it'd look like in the end, because it's very different when it's still wet, but the second time around you'd feel so amazingly proud of yourself!!! It gets so much better and so smooth and almost flawless! :D Mom and I did this wall in a dark shade of pink and it. looks. amazing.

The dark one! :D

3. The wall with the past water-seepage-problem, even after scraping and cleansing would already have patches and the fresh coat of paint will not disguise those. We painted it the same dark color at first, but the room had all dark walls then! One, I was already feeling anxious by completely changing the look and two, it wasn't as bright as before. And that was with just one coat! Later that night, one of those brainstormy awesome friends suggested mixing white paint in it to make it lighter. We had already done that, but it was still almost the same. But we could always mix more, right? In the end we ended up mixing another liter of white paint and then it came back to almost the same color as before. Three coats into it and it's still a little patchy on one side, but I can always make those designs on them! :D

4. You'd feel hungry. A lot.

5. You'd have your househelp coming in to see the progress whenever there's a commercial break from whatever serial she's watching, and commenting on every single question you ask while in a conversation. Even if it's a rhetorical question. But you'd laugh at it, because she's funny sometimes. ;) And she'd tell you genuinely which parts don't look okay and would say, 'yaar kitna mast lag raha hai na?' when it's a job well done! :P

6. Be ready to turn your hands and feet coarse with scrubbing while cleaning up, because your mom might not let you use turpentine oil since 'your skin is very sensitive'. :/

7. Wear old clothes that you can discard, in case the paint and stuff doesn't get off.

8. You'd start noticing how Berger Rangoli has an advertisement in between a cricket match and what other brands are into this business. You'd also notice wall paints and combinations in other people's homes.

9. You'd know for yourself the different kinds of paints, how it's okay to mix water with a certain kind if it's too thick. You'd also get comfortable talking to the hardware store wale bhaiya because despite being careful enough, you did need something more.

10. You're actually quite capable of doing what you said you'd do. It feels surreal but you'd be the one who did the upper walls. The parts above the tubelight. Like a boss! 8| You'd know you're awesome! ;)

11. Your mom would wait for you to finish this blogpost, restlessly reminding you that it's 'about time' we went ahead with the designing, and you would want to make her (and yourself) happy, so you'd just stop typing and go ahead. :P

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Hiya peepul! I'll make all my thoughts super direct in this post because I've attempted, unsuccessfully to write four different posts, all literary-thoughty-thoughty kind. I suppose I'm not in that frame of mind these days (months?), so I decided two minutes ago to just ditch it. So yeah, right. You know it's bad when it's already been like, four days into the autumn break and I did not even do a celebratory post about it. And it's bad because I love breaks and holidays, as the loyal gine chune readers might know, but I still didn't say 'yay'. Yes, I have this week off from college. And what did I do in the past four days? Lazed around. Totally. I did not read anything apart from some pending blogposts, a couple of pages from some book I took two days to decide to read, I wrote nothing, I haven't looked at the college notebooks (and I won't. I'll just see it once in the Metro on Monday morning). See? This is the level to which something sucky can affect you, that someone as strong as I was am would suffer. Anyway, I know I would grasp at anything if I have to, to be able to fully come out of this mental and whatever block it's given me, once I'm outta here.

Till then, this is a new mini-series! And I swear it'll be a mini because it is on something I hope to be able to complete during the bache kuche dinn of my break. One fine day a few weeks ago while I sat staring at a wall with peeling paint in my room, dad came in to ask for something and I asked for his opinion on whether or not I could paste newspapers on the wall, not the boring kind, the funky kind, to make it more interesting and less of a sore. I suppose even he saw how mental his once-upon-a-time-awesome kid has become, and maybe he got into the generously senti parenty thingy and he asked if I would like to re-paint the wall. Myself. I mean! How cool is that? He could see I was incredulously happy and so yay! This is the thing that'd be making this short break worthwhile. Jeez. I was feeling so sucky since morning. I feel a million times better already! :D

The Paintgirl avatar.
The real fotos looked too meh. -_-

Okay. Focus. This is part of the Paintgirl Chronicles. Obviously, I am the Paintgirl and no, you're not allowed to roll your eyes or laugh because I mentioned in the previous post how bad I am at naming. And Paintgirl is anyway better than the other names I've come up with. Anyway, *the awesomest drumroll ever*!

Making Decisions:

The 'supposedly' hardest part. I later on realized it's not as worth the hype as it is right now. Yes, decisions are important but if you're keenly interested and if it's close to your heart, those decisions are pretty easy and quick. Awesome, even. The harder part is later, while implementing.

Anyway, gathering two of my closest friends (Hi dudezos!), we formed a brainstorming group to decide on the extremely crucial question: what color and design to settle on? Of course it had to be pink, so the pink-color-hater-friend decided not to think too much on the subject. The rest of us decided on a shade similar to the ceiling one, contrasting with the dark strawberry shade of the wall that's perfect. Designs were made on paper and whatsapped, colors of the designs decided. All went well, except for a minor katta because the pink-hater was supposed to come over for the painting, but then she had to leave for her hometown. Hello festivals! -_-

Pre-Implementation Preparations:

It wouldn't do well to suddenly stop the whole process just because you don't have an important material or something, right? Total mood dampener. So as a first step, you gotta do a short online research (where else?), googling stuff with the search-words, 'how to paint a room' and 'material required to paint a room'. I'd suggest you don't focus too much on the non-Indian search results. They'd mention 20 things you don't know the names of and we can anyway do a better job with the good Indian jugaad. Just be a smartass and take basic tips and leave the strict rules to them.

Once you have a little knowledge, you'd feel like an awesome Paintgirl already (or Paintboy. Ugh, that sounds so.... :P ). This prior knowledge is important because you weren't born masons and painters and this would probably be the first time you'd be doing it yourself. I mean, I'm still not believing my parents actually don't mind my clumsy self doing a paint-on-the-wall-job. I haven't painted anything in my life, except maybe a house with a triangle top as a kid. And I'm free to even design it. *Dancing* Okay. Focus.

1. Once you know how to go about it, make an Indianized version with your dad. If you go word for word by the angrezi version, the hardware store wale bhaiya would look at you pityingly, thinking you don't know anything.

2. Make a list of things you'd need.

3. See which of the listed things are already available in your home. Go to the store room. Full of junk. But that's useful junk! You'd most probably find half the things you need in there.

4. Make one trip to a nice hardware store and get everything. Double check if you have everything because if you miss something, your dad's not going to go again and you'd have to paint pink with green.

5. Prepare yourself mentally. You can't get ill, you can't back out, you can't think of posing and clicking photos because you'd have to know you wouldn't be dressed your best when you get to work. You have deadlines and you have to work hard to complete the job.

Materials needed:

1. Paint (obviously :P ): I can't say what kind, because I didn't understand it myself. They talked about it like it was the most obvious thing in the world and I didn't care too much as long as I got what I needed. The one I have is an emulsion, though. And since I'm not cementing and making a whole wall from scratch, just repainting with a little scraping off, I don't need a primer either. Y'know, the base paint thing.

All STUFF!

By the way, did you guys know how you get thousands of shades in paints? This was SO new to me that I can't help sharing, even if it might be obvious to you. While I looked up shades in the shade card, I looked around the store to see hundreds of buckets of paint. But the shade card held thousands and I asked dad if they'd have what I needed. 'Of course', he said. Tentatively, I picked out one shade and watched as the guy went to a computer on top of a semi-circular heavy table. He found the shade, quoted the price and when dad said 'yes, we'll have it', he simply took off the lid of a one liter box with white paint inside and placed it under the computer, inside the semi-circular thingy which I realized was a machine. o.O And then he retrieved the box, shook it up, opened it and revealed that same pink shade! :O How cool is that? And to think I thought all shades are stuffed inside boxes already. It feels so obvious now. -_-

Apart from the main paint, you'd also need other paints for those designs you think you would make. I got some white, black, brown and green paint too, the kind which you can mix in proportions to get different shades of these colors! Eeep!! :D

2. Brush : To paint with. You could use a wide one for the walls and a relatively narrower one for making designs.

3. Roller : Because just brushes might be for those actual wall-painter-guys. And rollers seem fun.

4. Turpentine oil : To clean paint off stuff that weren't intended to be painted, like the bed or the study table or the floor or your hands. ;)

5. Wall putty or P.O.P. : To fill in gaps in the wall to make them smooth. The hardware bhaiya suggested us P.O.P. as it dries soon and works well.

6. Scraper and sandpaper: To make the walls smooth before repainting them. Get rid of the flakes and then rub sandpaper.

7. Miscellaneous: Rough cloths for cleaning, a cloth for covering your mouth and hair, plastic vessels for mixing paints and other such things. Also, a camera for your mom to click your pictures, but don't expect them to come out any good. :/

Getting started:

Finally, after all this was done, I stood looking at my room, trying to etch in my memory the way it looked, because it wouldn't be the same anymore. I clicked a picture of the two walls that'd have a darker pink, and probably a subtle design. I do get sentimental about this as well. -_-

View 1.

I can metaphorically compare the crumbling, peeling-paint wall with myself. If I think of it as me, it's something that has been suffering for too long. The actual problem was fixed a couple of years ago, it wasn't just re-painted since then. Though in my case I'm fine on the surface, just need to be fixed from the inside. But we can overlook this for now. This wall is like me. I need to re-do it and make it awesome.

The wall holds one bookcase, which had to be removed. I shifted the books to G's room and removed the bookcase with dad's help (no, you can't do it on your own because one, it is heavy and two, it needs screwdrivers and pliers and a lot of physical strength, which even a motivated Paintgirl would find hard to do). Then the bed was covered along with other pieces of furniture that stay in the room for now. The ladder was brought in and we covered ourselves and set to work. Now, those small scraping cards are sharp and you can cut your hands if you're not careful. Dad did most of the upper portions while I did the lower half, the layers and layers of dried paint falling on us. I seriously didn't care, I was so engrossed in this simple activity. Feverishly scraping off layers. The nasty things had to be peeled off. It won't have to suffer anymore, just get rid of everything that's troubling you.

It took a couple of hours for one wall, which isn't even one wall, it's just half! Those couple of hours involved putting in plaster wherever needed. Have you ever mixed plaster with your hands? The powdery stuff is quite hot if you keep your fingers in them for long. Put in water and mix. Sometimes it feels like your hand is in a marshy swamp (a daldal) and if you're too into it, you might feel that one second panic, feeling like you're about to drown and never get out. But you realize it's just your hand and you can take it out. You use the scraper to fill it in holes and make the walls smooth.

The base is ready now. You just have to let the plaster dry, and maybe you can make tiny sculpture flowers out of the plaster that's still left. I tried. It was a mess. I now have what resembles an uneven snake with a bloated stomach. -_-

***

This has been the progress so far. I now look forward to tomorrow, when we'd be starting the actual paint! Yay pink! :D I've decided to make a plain tree on one side, and the three Divergent ravens coming out of the branches. I'll paint a quote too. And small white butterflies. All this is on one side and it would look cool and fun. I'm hoping to update on the progress day-by-day, just like it happens! :D If you've got any awesome design ideas, please share. There's still time to consider! ;)

PS- This work is much harder than I imagined. But I like it nevertheless. I love the doing-the-digging-and-dirty-work and then seeing the beautiful result. It feels awesome when you know everything about how it came into being. Just like the wall, I'm ready to be repainted. Myself. By my family members. With love. :)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Names are important, considering
how everything isn’t just ‘something’ and ‘this’ and ‘that’. You use these
words when you don’t know what they’re called. Every ‘thing’ has a name, and
when the ancient humans saw how ‘aye!’ can’t be used to call everyone, they
started naming each other as well. I’m bad with names. Like with registering
who is called what, which leads to weird situations sometimes, like the one time
a familiar face said ‘Hi’ to me in the Metro and I knew she’s someone from my
college but with no idea how she knew me. I managed to make a ten minute
conversation, overusing ‘you’ and ‘aap’ with my mind whirring in
the background trying to recall. Unsuccessfully. Now this is still pardonable
because she was someone I might have acquainted with through some ECA society. But
what about that one time in first year, just a few months into college, the
teacher asked for ‘Sunny’ and I turned to my bestie:

“Who’s Sunny?”

*Weird look* “Err.. you do know
he’s our classmate?”

Me: *squiggly eyebrows* “He is?
Who?”

Bestie: *points a thin guy out,
wondering if she made a blunder making me a close friend*

Me: "Oh. I umm.. forgot his name.
Sorry.” *going back to daydreaming*

The fact of the matter was that I
never even bothered to learn names, because if I could just see and know they’re
my classmates, why bother? It’s anyway a taxing thing for my brain. But
you see how it can lead up to awkward situations, in future, when I might be
working? Because I’m totally a hypocrite when it comes to names. I absolutely
love the feeling when someone calls me by my name, and that someone is someone
I didn’t expect would know or remember my name. I suppose everyone does love
it, because on a rare occasion or two, I have felt awesome when I did
remember someone from the past and called them by name and saw the gleam in
their eyes. Y’know, the shiny thingy that’s there for a moment? But anyway,
this post is dedicated to my inability surrounding the genius entity called ‘name’.

I’ve sometimes frequently
wondered how names were even invented. While I know how some names are so
creative, derived from mythological kinda words and from other languages and everything,
but how did it start anyway? Someone saw the sun and said ‘sun’? I mean yeah,
it might have been called something weird in the ancient civilization days, but
still. Look around, how is the shirt a shirt, a book a book, a laptop a laptop,
a tripod a tripod, a mug a mug? (Yeah alright! I’m just naming stuff I’m seeing
right now :P ) And these are just what you say ‘generic’ names, think about
specific ones. How genius do they sound! Please know I’m not referring to ‘language’
over here, just names of things and people and countries and everything that
has a name.

Let’s start with people. Without
wanting to sound bashful, I have to say I love my own name. I love the fact
that it is a word from a language I’m actually not familiar with, that it has a
meaning that I feel like living up to, so that it makes just the perfect kind
of sense. I love knowing people’s names, though that is a different matter I
usually forget them very soon. But it’s cool when you listen to a name and you
match it up with the person’s face and character, if you happen to know it, and
then you tend to think of them as more meaningful people. Try it sometime! Some
names absolutely strike me as unique and I remember them for longer, no matter
forgetting whom it belonged to. I think Jhumpa Lahiri’s The Namesake is
related to names too, though I guess it’s more about how people were running
into problems because of their names. “I think” because I haven’t read
the book, just the blurb once upon a time and I’m too lazy to check right now
(lazy? Check, too busy with the meanie college that’s making my life so not how
I wanted it to be. More of that later).

Anyway, yes there’s a huge probability
that I wouldn’t remember your name if you’re in my college but not in my class
(leaving aside a couple of exceptions :P), but maybe yes if your name’s weird
(sorry. Some just are. Why are people these days naming their kids ‘Rhythm’?
That’s just too weird, with a very weird connotation) or unique! That explains
the new-ness in kids’ names these days. Tongue-twisty names I tell you. Makes it
even harder for people like me to remember. -_-

The next kind of ‘name’ that
makes me squirm is a nickname. I know people who keep awesome nicknames! I may
find them even more awesome because I know I can’t think like that myself, but
they’re either really funny, or abbreviations of funny words that actually suit
the nicknamed person. Such people, I really admire your skills. (Hint hint:
Miss Ruya, I like the MDB :P And even though it’s tiny, I’m proud of making you
make it into EMDB!) Nicknames are fun, mysterious to those who don’t know,
which make them even more fun, and totally cool! If you still don’t know how
lame a nickname I can make, consider how I call my Scooty, ‘Scoot’. Yeah. That’s
the most creative name I could come up with. The parrot we once had? Parry :P I
won’t oblige you guys with more such examples because that would be a threat to
the readership for this blog!! The last example is how you call your sibling
weird, disgusting names in various kinds of moods? My brother has always been
creative when it came to calling me with absurd names. When I had to retort, I
just replaced the initial alphabet with ‘S’, the initial for his name. How
creative, right? -_-

I’m no good at naming anything. Events,
titles for posters, titles of blog posts -_- I feel amazed sometimes with the
creative names I’ve come across! Book-titles! I have no idea how I’m going to
think of titles for my not-yet-conceptualized-book(s).

Why can’t I name anything? Maybe because
I don’t really like ‘memorizing’ stuff? I have an okay vocabulary and even
though I drool over words that sound awesome (and people who use awesome words
in conversations), I can’t seem to use them myself because of the simple fact
that I listen, register, drool and store it safely somewhere, padlocked. It
doesn’t bother me a lot, though. And I don’t think it should, anyway.
Even though keeping names is important. And while I do have this very solid,
open fear that I’m eventually going to name my own kids Ashna-Junior and err....
Ashna-Junior2 (or maybe Harry and Hermione. Or maybe Little Lord Fauntleroy. Or
Hedwig! No wait, I can’t name a kid after a white snowy owl. Or is it
allowed?), I also am hopeful that I would have someone creative enough to think
of a meaningful, nice name and make me see beyond Fauntleroy-type names, and then maybe one day those kids would write some random, weird post talking about
how they love their name. Well, what else do you expect? I think they’ll write
weirder posts and make me proud :P