4 Holiday Gifts He Wants From You

A few Christmases ago, my then girlfriend didn't give me gifts but rather things to do. "It's a photo album for organizing your pictures," she told me excitedly as I opened her second present.

"Thank you so much!" I said with forced enthusiasm, thinking to myself, I can write about how this makes me feel in my other gift, that new journal. Raised to always feign happiness over a shiny, paper-wrapped box, I went on about how I'd been so meaning to sort through my pictures. Years later, my photos remain in a Nike shoebox, and I'm ready to tell the hard truth about what makes a good gift. For the love of God, give him…

An upgrade

I cooked with an old pan that had no handles for three years. (When it was hot, I'd pick it up with a bath towel.) None of this struck me as the least bit odd until my girlfriend gave me a new frying pan and oven mitts. That kitchenware made me feel like I'd finally moved out of the frat house.

Gifting a better version of something he already owns is nearly bulletproof. "Soft towels, quality T-shirts, even nice socks," says my buddy Jay.* He should know—he used old sheets from his parents' house (including a Star Wars set) until his girlfriend gave him new ones. "They're great. And seeing how much more she enjoys rolling around on them makes me happy."

Caution: Don't try to replace something he loves! My friend Alex still uses the beat-up alarm clock that got him through medical school. When his girlfriend surprised him with a fancy one, he was torn between sentimentality and gratitude. Both clocks are now on display. Alex tells her he just hasn't read the manual for the new one.

Something that's all about him

"I hated the way my ex used gifts to mold me into the person she wanted," says my brother, Steve. "One year she gave me three books and a blazer. Who am I? Winston Churchill?" By contrast, his next girlfriend got him a membership to a beer-of-the-month club. They're still together.

Anything practical

My mom still hasn't forgiven my dad for the Christmas when he gave her a suitcase. ("She needed one!" he maintains.) But when it comes to men, the more useful the gift, the better. I've loved receiving memory for my Mac and dry-cleaning gift certificates, but my favorite example comes from my friend Erik. He used to save his junk mail in a bag and drag it to work to put through the office paper shredder until his girlfriend got him his own. "Now I sit at home watching baseball and shred away," Erik says. Not sure what qualifies as a good, solidly practical present? If you'd be mad about receiving it, you've probably got a winner.

You

It had been a few months, and my friend Cory had not yet slept with the woman he was dating. Then last Christmas she went to get his gift from the other room and came back buck naked, with a ribbon around her waist. Unforgettable for him (and for me, since he shared the story).

You don't need to wrap yourself in shiny paper, but try something out of the ordinary. I dated a woman who didn't wear thongs ("They're so uncomfortable!" she claimed, which only made me desperate to see her in one). As a birthday present for me, however, she made that supreme sacrifice. She looked so amazing that it didn't stay on long enough to make anyone uncomfortable.

So when in doubt, offer up something that's simply sexy. It's easy on the AmEx bill, and he will thank you.