Anniversary

This weekend reminds me every year of being raped. Its an anniversary I long to forget but one I never can. With all the other shit going on in my life just now I want to die. I dont want to leave my family in pain but there no other way if I die. So Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. Ive promised the professionals I'll ring if it gets too bad but cant tell them it already is. I have to live thru my dads birthday tomorrow as I f*****it up last year by overdosing and ending up on icu. I love so much but not me. I cant see a way out of this dark tunnel,even though Ive found ways before. Im weary of this journey and want it to end so I can have peace. Go on tell me to persevere, think positive, help myself everyone else does but Ive lost the will to do it and hate being reminded of my weakness by other peoples strength.
What a mess. Sorry, just had to get this off my chest. Maybe I'll be lucky and find something this time that works, so that I dont see the anger and hurt Ive left behind?:sad: