Friday, April 6, 2012

Allow me a moment to rant before I return to our peaceful trip. I called in some routine prescriptions for K to pick up from our vet. One is her thyroid medicine which we've always picked up in batches of 100 pills. The tech wanted to know if we "really wanted 100 pills". Clearly, she or someone else there thought that K might not live 100 days. I kept my tone even and confirmed that we wanted 100 pills. I'm not giving up on my girl yet.

Here's that same photo from the other day but with a different white balance setting. I love this photo of my little angel standing in front of the setting sun.

The desert shows you what a small speck in time a human or dog lifetime really is. Erosion reveals millions of years of layers of rocks. Imagine how many primates and canines have lived and died over the time that it took for the rocks in the photo below to be shaped into their amazing forms.

My first experience with how the world keeps turning even after a death was when my mother died. I was fairly young when breast cancer took her from us. In the days following her death, my dad, brother and I stuck together like glue. We went to the hospital where she'd died, and I was given the job of picking up the bag of her belongings. My irrational thought was that, since she'd been wearing her watch when she'd died, it would have stopped at the exact moment of her death. I quickly rifled through that bag, searching for my mother's watch.

Of course, I was completely wrong. The tiny gold watch was ticking, with the second hand still going in circles. It hadn't even paused at the moment of my mother's death. I stood there in the hospital hallway, tears streaming down my face, as I realized that the world stops for no one. The world keeps spinning. And, the lives of others go on. The same will be true after K dies and after I die.

Rocks like this one will keep being weathered by the water and rain, making increasingly intricate patterns of holes and waves. I wonder how many living things have passed through this world while this huge boulder was being weathered.

The sun will still rise every morning, making the brown and black dogs of the world hot in the spring and summer.

In the meantime, even though some vets may question whether I should invest in 100 days of thyroid medicine for K, she and I will keep romping for as long as we can.

We'll revel in the sunsets and how they make the world glow with warmth and beauty.

And, we'll revel in the stars, knowing that we are part of a huge and beautiful universe.

We'll seize each day. But we'll also keep hoping that we get more than 100 more days together.

Your writing about death becomes a tribute to life. You and your dogs live your lives to the fullest and I know that's all you need to do to make K happy. I don't believe dogs worry about their number of days here on earth, only about how good their day is right now. And you are providing the best of days for her.

You have described "life and living", in a most beautiful way.No body knows the number of days any of us have- we just live them the best we can. Sometimes I also think about some of the old growth trees that are a thousand years old- and I think about them living before we came into existance- and I also think about them continuing to live after we are gone.You said it perfectly KB, and your words have made my heart feel calm- you have that gift of making others feel better.And K will go on and on, and on.lovetweedles

I still have Treat's extra phenobarb and some of Lilac's old pills in the kitchen cabinet. It never occurred to me, even towards the end, to not have it around. I remember calling the vet's office to get some Rimadyl for her and the perky vet tech who answered the phone told me very cheerfully that I'd need to bring her in for a blood test before she could get any. I know I was less than gracious but I said, "She's sixteen years old and she's dying. She's wasting away and I just want something to help her stay comfortable for a few more weeks." She said she'd talk to the vet, and a little while later, she called and told me I could come in and pick it up. I think sometimes people don't know how to react or how you will react when they say things to you about things like a pet or person with a terminal illness. I've known people who did ask for less medicine because they didn't want to be faced with it after their pet was gone, or because they were strapped for money and trying to make it last a little longer. I'm sorry you ran into someone who was insensitive, but don't let it take away from the way you want to spend your time with K. I know that you want to enjoy that time, and hopefully now that you've been able to get it off your chest (which always does WONDERS for me) you can get back to enjoying the things you want.

Your pictures are absolutely fantastic! You really do have an eye and gift for seeing beauty in nature. :)

What a rude tech! This was a beautiful post. What made me realize that time stops for no one was when 9/11 happened, and some of my family were in NYC (no one was hurt, thank god) and waiting for newsDachshund Nola's Mommy

From the mom - I don't get the chance to read/comment on many blogs like I wish but what you said about the 100 pills reminded me of another dog and his owner (not me) who were given a prognosis of a week's worth of meds would be enough to last the dog until he died from his cancer - that was in October of 2010 - today Wilf the Polish Lowland Sheepdog over in France, is not without other medical issues as a result of his cancer BUT he is still a happy and very much alive and still enjoying life - going for walks and being doted upon by his owners. In case you have not met Wilf the PON, here is the link to the post with the original diagnosis -http://wilfanddigby.blogspot.com/2010/10/another-journey.html

and the link that will take you to his blog -http://wilfanddigby.blogspot.com/

I can't remember if I have shared these before so just in case - here they are again. I know both human and animal doctors are basing their prognosis on statistical data from research BUT all doctors/vets are trained to base their decisions on facts and leave out factors such as prayer and sheer determination coupled with support and love from others. I sincerely hope and pray that months from now, you and K are still romping and rolling in the Rockies or anywhere else you want to go.

And I always love the beautiful pics you share with us but the one of K in the sunset is truly awesome.Kim

It's odd, and sometimes terrifying and a little disheartening, to think that we're just a little speck in a gigantically large universe, but at the same time, isn't it beautiful to be a part of something so big and amazing? The world doesn't stop for us, no, but you are smart to stop and look around and see the beauty in the world as it exists right now. Keep romping, K and KB!

Just loved the words and the photos.MOM always says we may feel like a speck in the world but we are much loved and cared for and each of us are greatly significant. Your thoughts are profoundly beautiful.Blessings,Goose

Such a beautiful post and at a perfect day. My mother died 9 years ago tonight and one of my heart dogs also died on this night at the same time as Mom 6 years later. As I read your post tonight, I thought about my Mom and my DeeDee.

To number days of a life by medication is foolhardy. Unfortunately, you had to deal with someone who hasn't learned that yet. Put that episode out of your mind. Enjoy your girl. Whatever time you have is precious.

You have a beautiful and uplifting attitude and I love coming to your blog. Thank you for your words and pictures. I am so grateful for Pillars of Strength because thats how I found you. Happy Easter and Happy Life!

Getting K's pills reminded me of my Amber. I would only get two weeks tablets at a time. I spent her remaining days worrying and watching her. If only I could have been more like you. They told me she might not make it to Christmas or the New Year but in fact we finally let her go on January 13th. I am still so sad and grieving for my beautiful girl.

That's just wrong...what the tech said to you. You and K are such an inspiration to all of us who come here and read your wisdom. Beautiful photographs of the land that you and K share. Wishing you many days together!!! xoxo Chloe and LadyBug and mama Jeanne

Beautiful pictures and your text is great. Get all of us thinking about life and how it is to live with all ups and downs. Of course do you get 100 days and more, we have to think that. Until now there is no question about that. We´ve got snow last night, about 2 inches and have a sunny beautiful morning. The dachshunds had a great time on the dogwalk in the woods. Hugs from us!

Hi KB, our Vet gave us months of medication for Oscar even though she thought he may not need it, and when he passed to the Rainbow Bridge, I took it back and asked that it be donated to the local Animal Shelter (our Vets does work for them). We were told we only had 2-3 months with Oscar but he stayed with us 5 months so every day is a treasure when you know they are so ill. Big and heartfelt hugs to you and just you this time. You are in my thoughts as you continue this journey. Love Carol

Thank you for that post it is helping me put things into perspective after losing our Ronnii. I have lost dogs before but somehow losing my little Queen has hit me really hard and your post has helped more than you will ever know.Thank you so muchLoveMomma Teaxxx xxx

How true that we expect the world to stop when we lose a loved one. Surely things have changed on a cosmic scale. But, no, life goes on and that's a good thing. Big hugs to you and K (and of course R) and I'm totally down with the 100 pill refill.

Fabulous post... incredible picture of K and her giant smile with the beautiful pix of the glowing Utah rocks as backdrop. Your words are dear - such a harsh fact that life keeps spinning out even after the deaths of loved ones. Your writing of ancient rocks, erosion and time is prescient for us too, now. We're in Bryce and while it's coooold, we've been following your pictures and thoughts and words so much - keep your wonderful positive thoughts alive. 100% positive thoughts coming from over here for more than 100 days over there - xoxoxoxoxoxo,Sammie, Avalon and Mom

My teenage son and I, years ago, had to put down a much beloved but very ill dog. We stayed with her during the euthanasia.

As we were leaving, the woman at the desk, said "Byeee! Have a Nice Day!!!" My son said through tears, how could she say that to us? I said sometimes people just don't know what to say, but they want to offer you something. So they say the wrong thing and it hurts, but I just believe that is not the intention.

Your post today was beautiful, the last picture of the starry sky touched me more than anything. We love you and K, and think like Wilfee, she will go on as long as she possibly can.

I love the quote in the movie, 'Fried Green Tomatoes' where Ninny says to Evelyn, 'that a heart can be broken, but it goes on beating just the same.' I've thought of that quote many times as it applies to life and its losses. A broken heart does continue to beat, but you can't go on without hope, and I along with so many have a lot of hope that those 100 pills of K's will be used and the next prescription filled!

I should say "Curses! You made me cry!" as I sit here with tears running down my cheeks. Instead I will say, "Thank you!" Thanks for loving your dog the way you do and for sharing such beautiful thoughts and pictures with us. I am a new reader of your blog and am enjoying it very much (even when you make me cry). Give K a hug from me!

Time does not pause for any of us, it is true, but each of us carves our part of the mountain into a canyon and leaves the mark of our having been here on our world and the lives we have altered. We may be but a grain but that grain starts the avalanche, becomes the pearl, creates the island. The Universe does not mastermind insignificance, nor does it forget a single grain.

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About Me

I live at 8200' in the Front Range of Colorado. I love exploring nature
in the mountains while riding my mountain bike and romping with my
two Labradors. Photography is another passion, including both "normal" photography and trail camera photography of wildlife.

My two dogs are Shyla, a 4-year-old Chocolate Lab, and R, a 8-year-old Black Lab.