I have a really hard time approaching girls. I’ve been single for a long time and just want to meet someone. What’s the best way to go up to a girl in Vancouver?

Ryder, 34

The best way …

]]>Dear Sherry,

I have a really hard time approaching girls. I’ve been single for a long time and just want to meet someone. What’s the best way to go up to a girl in Vancouver?

Ryder, 34

The best way to approach a girl in Vancouver is by being yourself. Check the lines and games at the door as they never get you far, and when they do get you anywhere, it’s usually with the wrong person. Quality is much more important than quantity, so don’t worry about how many girls you meet but rather the type of girl that you meet. In order to attract the right girl for you, you simply need to be you — meaning no lines and no tricks to get her attention.

The next time you are out and notice someone you’re attracted to, simply walk up to them and introduce yourself. Tell her you noticed her and be honest and frank. If she turns you down, so what!? Not everyone is going to be interested in you, just like you aren’t interested in everyone. But you are going to open more doors by taking a chance rather than standing back and hoping to meet someone.

Also, make sure you don’t take finding someone so seriously and simply take the time to enjoy meeting new people. You will eventually find it easier and easier to approach people and talk to them. It really isn’t a big deal to walk up to someone and introduce yourself. Life is all about meeting new people and making connections. You will be amazed at how receptive some people can be, and how they too wish they were able to be open and just take a chance. Always keep in mind that life’s too short not to just go after the things you want.

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me a few months ago. I’m over her and am ready to date again but I can’t bring myself to go out there and meet anyone. I am too scared …

]]>Dear Sherry,

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me a few months ago. I’m over her and am ready to date again but I can’t bring myself to go out there and meet anyone. I am too scared to go online, approach a girl or get set up because I don’t want to be rejected again. It just makes me feel worthless. When my ex broke up with me it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, now having to ask girls out again I risk the chance of being turned down over and over again. How can I put myself out there without being rejected?

The Rejected, 28

Well, you simply can’t. There will never be a guarantee in love. Love is a feeling we can’t completely explain or always understand. It’s unique and in order to have it you need to risk for it.

You need to completely change the way you think! Yes, your girlfriend broke up with you; does that make you worthless? No! People fall in and out of love all the time. One of the simplest reasons is that as we grow we change as individuals and sometimes the people who fit in our lives today won’t tomorrow. I don’t know why your ex broke up with you. I do know, though, that one person’s opinion should not be the sole basis of how you perceive yourself. Your idea of who you are and what your value is should not come from another individual, it should come from you — so that the next time things don’t work out you can evaluate the entire situation, things that you learned and need to change, but not your personal worth.

When you are dating you are going to get rejected numerous times no matter who you are. You shouldn’t put so much value on the rejections; it’s not even embarrassing, as it happens to everyone! When you approach someone at a bar and she turns you down it shouldn’t change the way you view yourself. You don’t know why she turned you down or what she is looking for in a man. You don’t know her and she doesn’t know you and if she doesn’t know you, how can she turn you down on anything valuable about your character? Take rejections with a grain a salt. Not everyone is interested in the type of man you are, just as you aren’t interested in certain types of women. Does that mean those women are worth any less? No, they simply aren’t your type. Know that you will get rejected and it isn’t that big of a deal, just part of the game. You aren’t going to stop playing a sport just because you know there is a chance the ball will hit you in the face. Accept that being rejected is part of dating and should not be seen as a personal insult.

Make it a point that the next time someone turns you down, shrug it off and don’t give it another thought. You can’t ever meet someone without putting yourself out there. You can’t put yourself out there and expect everyone to want you, either. So the next time someone turns you down simply move on to the next, as there is always a next!

Best of luck,

Sherry Ahkami

Have a dating question we can feature on this column? Looking for a dating coach? Contact Sherry at bootcamp2love@hotmail.com
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I feel like there are never any good catches in Vancouver. I’ve been single for four years and have nothing but one horrible date after another. I honestly don’t see the point in even trying anymore, I mean …

]]>Dear Sherry,

I feel like there are never any good catches in Vancouver. I’ve been single for four years and have nothing but one horrible date after another. I honestly don’t see the point in even trying anymore, I mean are there even any good men out there?

Anna, 36

Your attitude towards men and the dating scene in Vancouver is the real problem as to why you are single. Our attitude attracts our situations. If you think that there really is no one out there, you will carry that attitude with you any and every time you have an encounter with someone new. Leading you to be negative and skeptical about most situations and people. What you need to do is change your perception. Start being proactive and taking part in activities you have never done before. Expand your social circle and change up your routine. Do all of this with a positive frame of mind, one that is looking for new friendships and experiences with people in general. Don’t search for the next boyfriend but rather the next experience with people you have never met. Look for the positive in everyone you meet and appreciate all that is around you. Remember this every time you start picking at why someone isn’t good enough or why things aren’t where they should be or where you want them to be. Always remind yourself that any moment of any day you are given opportunities to meet new people and create new experiences.

Keep in mind that it is easy to read this and think, “This is not true and I’ve tried to act and think this way and nothing changed.” But that thought alone shows that you really haven’t tried. Accept what I’m saying and know and understand that if you make these changes you will definitely see and feel the difference in yourself and within your life. Maybe not today but soon. In fact, if you adopt this as a way of living you wouldn’t even be putting a time frame on it. You need to understand that your current frame of mind causes you to subconsciouslyl behave as well as give off a negative, pessimistic aura. This alone causes you to attract the wrong people into your life. Also, with this attitude I am more than positive you aren’t being proactive and doing things outside of your comfort zone as well as simply participating in activities around you. Believe and have faith that once you make these changes and put in the right effort things will start looking up and before you know it, you will have met someone wonderful! Trust me, they are out there!

I have feelings for a good friend of mine. We don’t spend much time together outside of group situations but when we are in a group situation it’s always assumed that me and her are a packaged deal. …

]]>Dear Sherry,

I have feelings for a good friend of mine. We don’t spend much time together outside of group situations but when we are in a group situation it’s always assumed that me and her are a packaged deal. We share inside jokes, spend the majority of time together as if no one else is around, in fact it’s always assumed we will sit together. It’s almost as if everyone already views us as a couple even though I’ve only told my best friend about my feelings for her. I want to tell her how I feel but I’m afraid she doesn’t feel the same way back. Should I say something?

Thx,

Brad, 28

Life is short Brad. I can’t emphasize this enough. As a society we constantly ponder if we should or shouldn’t on topics that aren’t life threatening. You aren’t going to die if she doesn’t feel the same way back, but you may spend the rest of your life wondering what if, if you don’t tell her how you feel. What’s the bigger consequence? Feeling turned down? Or never knowing?

I don’t know her and therefore I can’t guarantee she feels the same way back. But what I do know from what you are telling me is that everyone else assumes in some way or other that you two are together. This is usually a sign that your best friend is not the only one who knows about your feelings or maybe hers as well. It sounds as though you guys are both wanting to spend the time together and tend to migrate to one another when you get the chance, which just so happens to be group events since neither of you have taken the step to make plans outside of these group outings. My suggestion to you is to man up and tell her how you feel. Life is about seizing opportunities and it sounds like you have one right in front of you.

This scenario can only go two ways. She either has feelings for you or she doesn’t. By telling her how you feel you will either get the opportunity to start a relationship with someone you admire or you will learn to move on. What you won’t be doing anymore is being in limbo. If she happens not to feel the same way back, at least you will know. Of course it will hurt but you will get over it. You don’t want to be that man in his 80’s thinking back to what could have been and you also don’t want to waste more time not knowing. Trust me, being turned down is a lot easier than either of those two scenarios. The positive side is that if she does like you, you could start an amazing relationship and who knows it could lead to a life time companionship. It’s time you get the courage to go after what you want! Make it a point this week to ask her to do something alone and then let her know how you feel; life is too short to live any other way.

Best of luck,

Sherry

Have a dating question we can feature on this column? Looking for a dating coach? Contact Sherry at bootcamp2love@hotmail.com

I recently went on a date with this guy and I thought it went really well. When I called him to see if he was up for seeing each other again he told me he thought I was …

]]>Dear Sherry,

I recently went on a date with this guy and I thought it went really well. When I called him to see if he was up for seeing each other again he told me he thought I was nice but not his type. I was really upset since I did feel a good vibe between us so I went ahead and asked him what he meant by this, to which he answered that there were a few things I discussed about my past and how I dealt with my divorce that bothered him (I keyed my ex-husband’s car after he cheated on me). I thought it best to be honest up front, but was it too much too soon? Or do you think this man is overly judgmental?

Chatty Kathy, 42

The thing about first dates is that they are the first and so far only impression someone will have of you. If you tell someone that previously you had a messy divorce and you keyed your ex-husband’s car, well that’s the only way your date will know how to see you. Since he doesn’t know you, he doesn’t know this could be out of character, or that perhaps you have understood your mistakes and would never do that again. Naturally he will sum up your character since he has no other experiences or information to reference you by.

A first date in many ways is like an interview. You wouldn’t go into a job interview and say all the things you had difficulty with at your previous job or how horrid your old boss was. What you would do is talk about your strengths, what makes you unique and your positive attributes. A first date and in fact your first three dates to a month should be viewed the same. Dates are in many ways interviews to see how someone can better your life, not key your car.

Reality is we all have a past and we all have baggage, but they do not define us as an individual. In fact it is your past that has shaped and developed the better parts of you today. Therefore you should not feel embarrassed or labelled by your past, but you shouldn’t give others the opportunity to do that to you either — which many people unfortunately would do until they know you better. Let someone know your better attributes before they know your mistakes. This allows them to get to know you in order to understand why certain events took place.

The next time you are on a date and difficult questions about your past come up, answer just enough without divulging too much detail. For example, you could easily say, “Yes, I was married, but due to certain circumstances we grew apart.” This is positive, light and answers just enough. This way you aren’t saying things like, “Oh, he was a total jerk and made my life miserable” — all that does is make you seem like a negative and bitter individual. Be yourself and be honest when getting to know someone, but none of this means dragging out your past faults right away. My rule to you: Give it time before giving it detail.

All the best,

Sherry

Have a dating question we can feature on this column? Looking for a dating coach? Contact Sherry at bootcamp2love@hotmail.com