To clarify, I do have family. I just don’t have people that have been in my life since I was a newborn that see who I am, get joy from my joy, spend time sitting and listening to my thoughts and feelings and are present with my life. That’s what I want. That’s what Christmas cannot give me.

[…]

I grieve at the holidays. As much as I want to be in the moment and I try and try and try, there is a reality that I cannot put aside because it comes from a place of a real lack of attachment to a loving, empathetic family. It is a burden I carry on Mother’s Day, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter — the times when we should be wrapped in goodwill and love. I can’t help but think of all the people out there that might insist I need to just “let it go.” Then I think of all the people that are in the same boat as me. We are two different worlds that will never collide.

It brings up so many thoughts – thoughts that swirl around me like smoke and are difficult to grasp and hold on to. There are so many things I wish I could share with this woman, because I have been in that boat she speaks of. I know it well.

When I read her story though, it strikes me that she feels stuck in that boat, and I wish there was some way I could encourage her that she doesn’t have to live there. Is it easy? Oh hell no. But it is doable.

For me, I likened it to being a type of amputee. A part of you is missing: it’s just gone and you can’t ever get it back, and you can’t replace it. You can only move forward and try to adapt to and embrace a new normal, a new way of doing things, a new way of being. In my mind, I pictured a 3-legged dog catching Frisbees, still playing and finding joy and doing what he loved to do even though he was missing an important part of himself. I kept that image in my head through my darkest days, and even still, when those days come up.

I don’t t know that there is ever a state of “healed,” but “healing” becomes a state of being. It’s a process. Some days, it can feel like a more difficult choice than other days, but you keep on, keeping on, right? Personally, I try to add in a dash of, “living well is the best revenge.” It helps.

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You Love the Family

Your family may not be perfect, but you love spending time with them. The holidays are important to you.You are sentimental, and your emotions are very deep. You like remembering old times and making new memories.You look forward to Thanksgiving every year because it’s one of the few times the whole family is together.You love catching up with everyone and simply just being together. There’s no substitute for family.

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English Grammar Lesson

The difference between “complete” and “finished”.

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: ‘How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?’ Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Here is his astute answer:

“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”

(FYI: This is a joke. To our knowledge the contest never took place and the individual doesn’t exist)

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2018 NanoPoblano

My theme for this year’s NaBloPoMo (affectionately known as NanoPoblano) is Personal Mottos. I put this together last year for a future A-Z Blog Challenge, but ended up using something else for that, so I thought I would use it here instead. These are mottos which I try to live by, things which color my life and perspective on it. I chose a word a day (except for Sundays) because time is short, you’re busy trying to read other blogs too, and I didn’t want to take up too much of your time, which I thank you for sharing with me! ~Vanessa

This Month: November

The bright butter yellow glow of the chrysanthemum brings joy, light, and cheer to the dwindling days of November. Chosen because of the cheer and joy November birthdays bring throughout the year, the chrysanthemum’s color and perseverance are a beacon of happiness.