A Suggestion for the Name of the Forthcoming Nor’easter

There’s another dangerous and powerful storm headed straight for the northeastern United States. It’s almost as if insidious structural changes to the Earth’s atmosphere are systematically creating increasingly and inexorably harsh weather patterns!

The Associated Press reports: “A nor’easter taking shape Monday in the Gulf of Mexico was expected to begin its march up the coast, eventually passing within 50 to 100 miles of the wounded New Jersey coastline on Wednesday. The storm was expected to bring winds of up to 55 mph, coastal flooding, up to 2 inches of rain along the shore, and several inches of snow to Pennsylvania and New York.”

But what exactly is a nor’easter? If you were too nervous to just guess, “Uh, like, a big storm that hits the Northeast?” you should not be so circumspect going forward! That is exactly what it is and the main difference between a nor’easter and a hurricane is that “nor’easters are cold-core low-pressure systems, meaning that they thrive on cold air. Tropical cyclones are warm-core low-pressure systems, which means they thrive on warm temperatures.” (Another cold-core low-pressure system: Newt Gingrich’s marriage.)

Sadly, nor’easterns do not get names. If we christen Wednesday’s storm, though, it might seem friendlier. Maybe. . . “Global Warming”? Like as a name. It’s definitely scarier than “Sandy.” Just think of the headlines: “Northeast Braces for Global Warming,” “What We Can Do To Mitigate the Effects of Global Warming,” “Global Warming to Cause Billions in Damage.” It has a nice, honest ring to it, no?