Comments 0

Document transcript

Plugged In, but Tuned Out: GettingKids to Connect To the Non-VirtualWorld

By JEFF ZASLOW

Source:The Wall Street Journal

When the phone rings at Susan Manion's house in Silver Spring, Md., her threechildren, ages 16 to 23, almost never answer it. "They know it won't be for them,"says Ms. Manion. "They just let it ring."

Across America, a symphony of unanswered house phones reminds us that there'sbeen a sea change within families. More than half of all teens now conduct their liveson their own cellphones, or in a zillion online "instant" conversations parents neversee, according to studies by MindShare Online Research and the Consumer ElectronicsAssociation.

Children today have been labeled "the connected generation," with iPods in their ears,text messages at their fingertips and laptop screens ateye level. But their technology-focused lifestyle can also leave them disconnected from the wider world, especiallyfrom their parents.

Many teens won't give friends their home numbers, says Samantha Landau, 15, ofWest Hills, Calif. "They don't want friends to talk to their parents, because they don'twant their parents to know about their lives."

It's easy to assume that these are just perennial generational tensions in new high-tech boxes. After all, baby boomers and their parents have endured an infamousculture gap. But technology has exacerbated the gulf between today's parents andkids in ways we need to notice. It's easier now for kids to function in their own closedsocieties, leaving them oblivious to adult culture.

People over age 40 grew up withjust a few TV channels. We watched TV news--

at 6p.m. it was the only thing on--

and soaked up the adult worlds of information andentertainment because that's all that was available. Now kids have their own worlds,their own channels.

I live in Michigan, and two days after Hurricane Katrina hit, I drove my 16-year-olddaughter and her friend home from the movies. I mentioned Katrina, and this frienddidn't even know there was a hurricane. She's a lovely girl and an A student, but fordays, she had chatted online, watched her own TV shows, and saw no news of thetragedy. Her parents hadn't thought to tell her.

Samantha Landau says she mentioned new Supreme Court Chief Justice John Robertsto fellow students in her 11th-grade advanced-placement history class and most hadno idea who he was.

Certainly, young people today are entitled to their own heroes. And truth is, surveysdating back to 1915 show kids have always been uninformed about U.S. history. Still,today's parents often indulge ignorance. More than half of our kids have TVs in theirrooms, according to a 2004 American Psychological Association report. "Yes, you canwatch 'Pimp My Ride' on your TV," parents tell kids. "We'll watch the president'saddresson the kitchen TV."

One mother I interviewed refers to her son's bedroom as "the technology cave." Hehas a TV, computer, stereo, iPod and cellphone. She won't allow food in his bedroombecause "that forces him out into the open with us."

There are other ways to bring techno kids into the wider world. For starters, immerseyourself in their world. Ask them to go online to help you find Katrina relief groups.Let them teach you complex videogames. Then be the adult and say it's time to turneverything off and come to dinner.

Dawson McAllister, whose faith-based teen radio program airs in 260 markets, saysparents should interact with kids rather than lecture them. He used to give 55-minutetalks at religious retreats. "Now if you can hold kids for 25 minutes,

you're doing well.You also need video clips, and ways to involve them in the presentation. You have tobe far more Oprah than Billy Graham."

Because kids multitask--

they'll instant-message six friends while watching TV andtalking on a cell--

Yes, we should encourage kids to read books and newspapers. But we also mustrecognize thatthey collect information from unorthodox sources: blogs, cyber gossip,advertising, comedians. The Internet is filled with shady truths, and kids try todetermine which outlets are trustworthy, says generational marketing consultant AnnFishman. "If it's good, they go with it. If not, they don't. It's called 'Internet thinking.'They don't have a Walter Cronkite." We can help kids sort through the Internetcacophony by discussing with them what they find there, says Dr. Simon.

Six million young people are using America Online's Red service for teens, which isdesigned to ease parents' concerns by controlling Internet access. Still, AOL's serviceis purposely edgy, with its teen Q&A offering titled "Truth or Crap." A Web page called"True or False" wouldn't work for today's kids, says Malcolm Bird, senior vice presidentof AOL's youth area. "You have to speak to them in relevant terms." The lesson forparents: Even "safe" sites mimic the coarseness in our culture. Know what's there.

In North Granby, Conn., Kaycee Quinlan, 15, says she doesn't mind that her parentslook over her shoulder when she's online. "I feel lucky to have parents who care," shesays.

Her parents also have a quaint habit of trading not-so-instant messages with her--

sticky notes on the kitchen counter, often with scribbled hearts. "I'd way rather getthose notes than cellphone messages from them," Kaycee says. "I come home, I'malone, and when I see their handwriting, it's comforting."