Granola-Fruit Pizza Is a Doughy Travesty

Attention, Kellogg's: What, exactly, was wrong with the charming combination of fruit, granola, and yogurt? That's the seriously troubling question raised by the new Eggo Real Fruit Pizza, a fresh entry in the ever-expanding "how do we cater to the big baby known as America" market of premade frozen breakfast foods. According to this product, it's not enough to combine fruit, granola, and Neufchâtel cheese—we gotta slap that stuff onto a pizza crust before people can realistically be expected to eat it for breakfast.

This grim premise doesn't bear particularly delicious fruit in practice. Although Eggo gets a few points for using actual strawberries (or blueberries and raspberries in its Mixed Berry Granola flavor), it loses them again for the way the flavor of the whole thing develops in your mouth. First, you taste crust. Then you taste a hint of strawberries (or a fair amount of the peppier blueberries and raspberries). You are left wanting the tang of the Neufchâtel, which should be standing in for yogurt—the flavor is just missing in action. Then: a lot more crust.

So instead of a deeply satisfying parfait, you'll eat a somewhat crisp pizza crust for the first meal of your day. That is, if you took the time to bake it for five to seven minutes at 425 degrees Fahrenheit. And let's face it: If you're the kind of person who couldn't be bothered to cut up some fruit, spoon yogurt over it, and sprinkle it with granola, you're going to nuke this thing and eat a soggy, doughy mass for breakfast.