What It’s Like To Have Post Concussive Syndrome

On April 17th, 2018, I was in an altercation with an ex-boyfriend of mine. He punched me in my face and also threw an inanimate object at my head. As a result, I had a large hematoma (a collection of blood under the skin) and a concussion. The whole incident was traumatic and I often think it's my fault as to why it happened. My friends and family tell me that he's crazy and that I shouldn't think like that.

f kind of hard when you have reminders.

A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with Post Concussive Syndrome or PCS for short. It's basically a disorder that mimics the symptoms of a concussion. It's a long-term effect that occurs for weeks, months, or even years.

Every day, I usually feel on the left side of my forehead. There's a little lump still under the area. It somewhat feels like a little pebble that just won't go away. It doesn't hurt anymore but it always takes me back to the day it all went left.

I often have headaches (more like migraines if you ask me). It feels like I got hit in the head all over again. They usually start between three and five in the afternoon. I got prescribed medication for it but it literally does nothing so I go to sleep.

My left eye also hurts and twitches all the time.

It's hard to drive at night sometimes because I get blurred vision in my left eye.

I can't do any physical activity at the moment and it really sucks because my passion was cheerleading. I'm not allowed to cheer, stunt, or tumble because all the motions rock my head a little too much.

Besides the headaches, my depression & anxiety have worsened. I no longer have the excitement in my life and I feel myself becoming lazier & lazier as time passes.

43. You need a spouse who will be able to look at you when you are 80, and wrinkly and maybe a little chunky, and you need him to love you then. If he loves you for your body and your hair, I promise he doesn’t actually love you. Looks fade, but love is eternal. Find someone who loves you like Jesus.

44. Do some squats.

45. But squat so you feel good about yourself, not to attract the opposite sex.

46. You are never too old to find a new hobby.

47. You were beautiful before someone told you.

48. If you don’t know if you are in relationship or not, leave. You deserve clarity, not insecurity.

49. You deserve friendships that are mutual.

50. The best Friday nights are spent with a puppy and food. It is okay to not always be social.

51. Stop worrying about whether your crush will text you back.

52. Stop over analyzing everything in general.

53. Pray for your future spouse.

54. However, also pray for your future bridesmaids/groomsmen. Some of the most influential people you may have in your life you may not have even met yet.

55. Storms bring strength.

56. And storms bring rainbows if you are patient and observant.

57. Stop Pinteresting your dream life and start living it.

58. The Bible is actually extremely relatable. Open it up. Read it.

59. Romans 8:28 “and we know God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” God is on your team. He wants you to have moments of celebration. He has a purpose for you greater than your bad day.

60. Never forget what Jesus did for you on that cross. When he died for you, it was painful and brutal. It was ugly. It was love. Don’t let that truth ever become numb to you no matter how many times you have heard the story.

61. There is nothing wrong with carbs.

62. Study. And don’t wait for the night before.

63. Find someone who you can look up to.

64. Also, never forget that there is always someone looking up to you. Act like someone you would want your future children to be. Act in a way that reflects wisdom.

65. Smile more, you are loved by the one who hung the stars and painted the sea. He created puppies and carbs–yet still loves you more. That is something to celebrate.

College is tough and life is hard. You are going to have moments where all you want to do is celebrate life with your best friends, but you will also have moments where you just want to lock the door, ignore everyone, and have a good cry. Never forget that your worth comes from something greater than your Biology grade, and from Someone greater that the one who broke your heart.

You aren’t too cool for Christ in college. Christ is a necessity for you in your life. He can hold your hand during your heartbreaks and failures and celebrate with you when you get the text back or a passing grade in foreign language. He loves for you and cares for you more than your sorority or fraternity ever will.

So buy your books, do your homework, but never forget when you are walking to you 8:00 a.m. you regretfully signed up for, to look up. Look at the clouds and the sky and thank your creator that in a big big world with many beautiful things, He still loves our messy hearts even more. So this one is for the boys for the King. This life is for the One who laid down His life.

I promise college is more fun when you dance with your Savior. Follow His lead and let him take you on a journey where you can find your purpose. You may not know where you are going, but you do know who you are following.

So never forget that although classes may be hard, and your metabolism may be slowing down–God is still good. He turns our ashes into beauty and our trials into our testimony. Do life with your creator and I promise you that you will have more than you need.

Romans 8:28 “And we know God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

Dealing With Death Is Challenging

I recently went to go visit my family; five hundred and sixty miles and ten hours later, I was in New Castle, Indiana surrounded by cornfields, cows, a couple of antique stores, and a limited population. The semester is coming to an end, so it is complete madness in my classes, however, when my mother called me a few weeks ago telling me my grandmother has been admitted to hospice care frightened me so I had to go visit during this crucial time in her life.

Seeing my grandmother in an altered state was, to say the least, difficult. This once spunky woman that was full of life has been minimized to an oxygen mask that has to remain constantly with her and a cane that supports her walking.

During this time, I put my big girl smile on and tried to let it be known that I understood exactly what was going on. I stayed strong during the entire visit, for her and for my mother. It truly hit me the severity of it all when it dawned on me that this was my mother losing her mother. I forced myself to view this situation from my mother's perspective.

I've been fortunate to never lose a parent, but my father has lost both. I was very young when his father died, and I was twenty-three when his mother died. It was a rough time seeing my dad go through the turmoil of losing his mother. At the funeral, that's when all of the chaos hit me; my dad has been selfless for me my entire life it was my turn to be there for him. I shed my tears away from him.

During this visit, I again set aside my fears of losing a grandparent during this visit and was there for my mother. I took her out of the elements of caretaking and tried to make her smile. I stayed strong for her just so she knew she could focus on herself and not have to console her daughter.

I got a hundred miles down the road towards home back to Georgia and that's when I chose to mourn my grandmother's fate. It was difficult to stay strong, but I also felt proud. My family has taught me to be a strong and independent woman and during this tough time, that is who I have been.

Death challenges us in ways that we never thought possible. In those moments I try to remember who those people who leave us remember us to be.