I apologize about the formatting issues on the last few chapters. They
look okay but when they show up on nifty...I dunno.
Anyway, as usual, this isn't edited and any mistakes are mine.

***

My evening
with Rob sustained me for the rest of the week. Due to Laura's pressing him,
Josh was a little more subdued about trying to set me up again. I can't
comprehend why he felt like it was up to him to somehow get me a boyfriend,
which is absurd. The guy is absolutely mental.
Rob is a great guy and I told him I wanted to be friends with him, but
only that.

"I can meet people on my own if I feel
like it." I told him repeatedly. "Besides, I'm only sixteen." Laura looked at
me with an approving gaze when I said this to Josh and it made me feel a bit
better about having to bitch at him

On Friday, the last day of school before
school was out for the March break, Jeremy skipped
class and came over to our school. Seeing him walking across our cafeteria
during our spare made me smile. When he sat down, I cheered. There were small
groups of people sitting here and there, but since it wasn't a regular lunch
period, the cafeteria was mainly empty.

Jeremy flashed his million dollar smile,
his silver-eyes flashed wickedly. "God, if only you were straight, Laura." He
said jokingly.

"Back off, she has a girlfriend." Josh
warned.

"What are you, her spokesman?" I asked.

"Shut up, Kyle."

"See, that's why Jeremy's my best
friend."

"What?" Josh exclaimed. "Dude, I thought
I was your best friend?"

Laura rolled her eyes, and looked at me
with a grin on her face. I winked. "No...Jeremy's my best friend."

"No, I'm your best friend."
He corrected. Jeremy just sat patiently
through this, examining his nails.

"Okay, you're my best friend, Josh.
Better?" I asked.

"Yes. Thank you. That was not a good
joke."

"Oh, there's Ryan. Should I call him
over, Kyle?" Laura asked. Everyone still felt the need to be hesitant and
question me every time something concerning Ryan came up. "Yep, call him." I
shrugged uncaringly.

Jeremy raised an eyebrow. "Something I'm
missing?" He asked.

"Ryan's cool." I shrugged again

"The question is, are you?" Jeremy cocked
his head. The bastard!

"Yeah, I'm better." I said simply, not
feeling a need to explain myself at this point.

Ryan came over to our table and grinned.
He looked around at everyone before settling on Jeremy. His smile faded,
seriousness overshadowed happiness. "Hey." He said, looking away quickly.

Jeremy said. "Hey," Tentative at first,
then, "How you doing?"

"I'm great...you?" Ryan asked, sitting down
beside me. His forearm brushed mine. It was a delicious sensation because it
was Ryan. I groaned inwardly.

"Fine, fine."
Jeremy said.

"Wow that was really tense." Josh
observed.

I don't know why I found that so funny,
but it just was. I burst into laughter and found that I couldn't stop. Everyone
sort of shut up and watched me half in amazement and half in amusement.
"Sorry," I wiped my eyes minutes later. "I don't know why that was so funny..."

Ryan laughed beside me. "I've never seen
you laugh that hard." He said.

"I have." Jeremy said. "That time I
tickled you."

"What the fuck? Dude, you did not just
say you tickled Kyle." Josh stated.

"I do not!" She said and subsequently
shut her mouth, realizing that arguing would only prove my point. Josh engaged
her in another argument soon enough.

"Anyway," Ryan tapped my shoulder. I
turned to him, feeling my heart melt a little. Why, God, must you do this to me?
"How was your date?" He asked me, seeming eager to know the answer.
"I never got a chance to ask you."

"Oh..." I thought back on it. "Oh yeah, I
ended up not going."

Ryan appeared passive. "How
come?" He asked.

"I forgot I had a report due Tuesday." I
explained. "But Rob came over to help me with it and stuff..."

"What's this you guys are talking about?"
Jeremy asked, detaching himself from Laura and Josh's conversation.

"Oh, Kyle had a date on Monday so we were
talking about that." Ryan explained.

"A date?" Jeremy
frowned. "Explain."

"Oh you didn't know? Well, Kyle was--."

"I think I'd like to hear it from Kyle,
thanks anyway, though Ryan." Jeremy said, casting a sharp glance at Ryan. Ryan
merely nodded and let me speak, although he gave Jeremy a vehemently cold look.

"It was nothing." I said. "I'll tell you
about it later."

"I don't talk to you for a few days and
you go out doing something stupid...again. What is with you and making stupid
choices?" Jeremy asked. I felt my face flush because Jeremy felt some need to
say this in front of Ryan. Lovely...

"Um, I think Kyle can do what he likes."
Ryan said to Jeremy.

"Thanks, but I think I know Kyle a little
better than you."

"What are you, his keeper?" Ryan asked.

"Something like
that." Jeremy waved him off.

"It was Josh's idea." I burst out. No one
seemed to hear me though.

"Well, frankly, I don't see how it was
stupid. He seems like a nice guy and Kyle really likes him. If it makes Kyle
happy, then what's wrong with that?" Ryan asked.

"I'm here guys..." I said, but still no one
paid attention to me.

"I think you're the last person that
needs to worry about Kyle's happiness." Jeremy asked, raising his voice a
little now. "Considering how you treated him. You know what they say. A leapord doesn't change his spots."

Ryan opened his mouth, shut it, and then
just looked down at the table.

The hum of Laura and Josh's voices were
audible in the silence that followed. Ryan remained silent. Jeremy looked bored
and stared at his hands. I sat there, shocked at what had just transpired.
I was upset that they would do that. Both of them. Ryan, however, had shown a lot of improvement.
Everyone deserved a second chance and Ryan had been nothing but nice lately.
Jeremy shouldn't have said those things. That was running through my head and
yet I didn't speak.

Finally, I decided not to remain silent
anymore. "That was unnecessary, Jeremy." I said, raising my eyes to his.

He shrugged. "Whatever."

"No, really. I
think I can speak for myself, and the fact is that Ryan has been really nice.
So that was rude and unnecessary. I think you should apologize." I insisted,
sparing a cold look at Jeremy.

"I treated him like shit too, Jeremy." I
glanced at Ryan apologetically. He was looking at me with a funny expression on
his face. "You're a little biased, it makes sense, but
come on. You cannot actually make the statement that people can't change." I
was almost incredulous at Jeremy's temerity!

"Fine, I think you're an asshole and I
don't care how Kyle treated you because you're worth shit, but I apologize for
saying, no implying, that you can't have changed. Kyle's being nice to you
because he can't help it." Jeremy said this all in one breath, looking directly
at Ryan's unblinking face the entire time.

"Wow," Laura said, "What a line to tune
into. I'd ask, but I'll just pretend I didn't hear that. Seriously,
though, intense stuff!" Josh, meanwhile raised his eyebrows, whistled,
and took out his phone, wanting nothing to do with this obviously.

Ryan smiled though. "Whatever, dude," He
said, "I don't care what you think I'm worth. Thanks, Kyle." He threw me a
smile. "You're a good friend." Jeremy rolled his eyes at this. We all ignored
him.

So with a lot of fussing, Laura managed
to grab a person and had them take a few pictures with her camera of all of us
after forcing us into a group hug. Jeremy and Ryan made sure not to make
contact. Josh was looking at his phone in a few, and in some he made stupid
faces.

Laura was upset at him when we viewed
them after. "You're such an idiot. What part of `let's take a group picture'
means that you should get out your phone and text people?"

"Sorry, it's Friday, last day of school
before March break and there is one kickass party tonight!" He exclaimed. "So,
yeah the texting was important."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Nah, I'd rather
marry a girl." Then he laughed. "Hey I'm the only one here who hasn't done a
member of the opposite sex."

There was a moment in which the only
person laughing was Josh. Jeremy joined in. I squirmed and felt myself
blushing. I decided I'd kill Josh later. Honestly, was he dim-witted?

"Sorry, Ryan."
Josh winked.

Ryan laughed. "It's no big." He looked at
me and grinned. I let out a sigh of relief. Beside me I felt Laura release her
breath too. She winked at me.

"Yeah, we all know you did Kyle." Josh
said.

"Josh, that's enough!" Laura said with a
gasp. Even I was shocked he had the nerve to say that aloud. None of us had
openly spoken of it in front of Ryan before. I pretended to be really immersed
in the pattern of my jeans, which had no pattern.

"You guys talk?" Josh asked, glancing at
his phone occasionally while he spoke.

"Yep." Laura
said. "I'm a very good listener."

Josh snorted. "Right, have fun believing
that. Anyway, I have the address, my friend just texted it to me. You guys in?"

I shook my head. "Nah."

"Come on." Jeremy said. A good party was
something even he would tell me to go to, even though he acted like my mother
at times.

Ryan shrugged. "I'm in," He said.

"Me too. I'll
bring Ashlynn." Laura said.

Josh frowned at her. "You know you talk
about Ashlynn more than anyone, and we've only met her a handful of times."

"I know, I know, she just feels odd being
around you guys because...well her history with uh...Ryan," Laura glanced at Ryan
uncomfortably, "And the fact that Kyle has a history with Ryan too. She thinks
it might be uncomfortable." She said carefully. She'd never told me this
before...

Josh nodded, already forgetting what
she'd said probably. "Well, you in Kyle? You're the only one who said no."

"This is lame. All of us are going?" I
said.

"Why's that lame? At least you'll know
plenty of people there instead of one or two." Laura said.

Jeremy was the only one who'd stopped
trying. Ryan tried this time. "Come on...you should bring Rob if you want...if
it'll be more fun that way..."

"Fine..."

They all cheered.

It was going to be one hell of a night, I
decided.

It was.

~*~

Rob was supposed to meet us by the front
of the house. Meanwhile Ryan was driving
Laura, Ashlynn, and Josh. I was tagging along with
Jeremy, whom I was upset at, but I still spoke to because frankly, I couldn't
go long without speaking to him.

"So, Rob and you are just friends?" He
asked again.

"Yes, for God's sake." I said for the
fifth time.

"Sorry, but I respect him already. He
backed off when he realized the situation."

"Save it. We're here." He pulled onto a
gravel road and a makeshift parking space.
"Looks like the others have arrived already. There they are," He pointed to the
front of the lovely looking cottage. It didn't look like it was packed yet.
Good.

We got out of
the car and made our way across the paved road to the front of the building. I
spotted Rob standing beside Josh. He was talking to Laura who was standing
beside Ryan and Ashlynn.

"C'mon," I said to Jeremy, "Let's catch
up."

"Kyle!" Rob said enthusiastically as I
approached. His eyes lit up in a devilish way. He walked over to me and
embraced me, literally. It was a little much for a friendly hug. Laura coughed.
Josh grinned. Jeremy raised his eyebrows. I didn't gauge Ryan's reaction; He
seemed indifferent.

"Hey," I laughed, "Very funny."

"What can I say? I'm a comedian." Rob
winked, and then mumbled in my ear. "Damn he's a hot straight boy." He backed
up. "Ready to party?" He asked everyone.

"See y'all later," Josh laughed and
jogged inside. Ryan stormed off after him. Ashlynn
and Laura already had drinks in hand and were walking down to the beach.
Couples...

Only Rob, Jeremy, and I remained. Rob
nodded at Jeremy, and then held a hand out. "You must be Jeremy."

"And you must be Rob," Jeremy said with a
grin, "Nice dramatic greeting."

"Really? I was
under the impression that he lays it on quite thin." Rob winked.

"Depends who you trust."

"Stop flirting!" I exclaimed. "I'm outta here."

~*~

Later, I left Jeremy and Rob and walked
in through the door that everyone else had walked through. It seemed like most
of the furniture had been set aside so that a makeshift dance floor was
formed. I peered around several people
and spotted a familiar blond head in a far end of the large room.
His light blue collared shirt was easily
recognizable. I was about to call out his name when I saw that he had a girl
attached to his arm. Her blood red nails held on to his arm as he leaned over
to talk in her ear. Suddenly the smile melted off my face. Then they were
already making out. I felt like barfing.

The room seemed less beautiful. The
mahogany wooden floor lost its charm and I looked around forlornly.
I looked back. They were still at it. She had
her arms wrapped around his neck; his hands were gripping her waist. Hands that
had touched me...

I closed my eyes, fought the tumult of
emotions that seemed resigned to resurface. Fuck. What was the point of even
trying to get better if a single split second could make it all come back? I
turned on my heel and thus made my decision to get completely smashed.

It wasn't fun or amusing and it certainly
didn't make me happy, but I did it anyway out of some sense of desperation and
some anger (at myself and Ryan, I think). My friends had left me entirely on my
own, or I had left them. I couldn't remember eventually. I just danced and
talked with random people. Everything was suddenly funny. Every person was
brilliant; Hell, even I was pretty brilliant by then!

Actions became slurred, words became
funny loud noises, thoughts became bright and I developed an extrasensory gift of
being able to detect brilliance. Lamps were brilliant and so were floors, and
people were amazing, I thought. Yet great moments, as easily as they commence,
do have to conclude.

I cannot recall how I got there but I was
suddenly outside with several people and I don't even remember what they were
trying to get me to do, but it wasn't particularly intelligent, and yet I was
definitely contemplating agreeing to do so. What I can remember is that while
such amazing feats were going on in my head, other troubles were obviously
brewing.

I looked up and saw three different
faces, all too similar to differentiate between, yet all attractive in a weird
way. I tilted my head and they became prettier.
Then a fourth face.Hair the
color of wheat and pale skin.Pink lips. A
familiar face, I realized. Coming closer, lips turned down into a frown.

"Jason." I realized aloud. Then, punch, "Shit." I was knocked to the
ground by the impact of contact against my cheek. I tasted blood from where I
bit my lip. I realized blood really did taste metallic. "Hi,
Jason. You always were charming..." I smiled blindly, struggled to get up.

"Fuck you."
He said, sneering. He punched me again. I was
prepared for it this time and wasn't knocked down but I wasn't in any state fit
to fight back. I laughed. "That hurt."

"Fight, fight, fight!"
The onlookers yelled. I wondered why I'd found such a crowd. Shouldn't they
care? Were they my friends? Hmm no.

"I don't like you guys," I said. "I'm drunnnnnk. I can't fight, see?" I said, demonstrating a
jab, and catching Jason unaware. Oh, he was pissed now. He gave me a big one; I
let him and fell with a soft thud on to the hard ground. My skin hurt but I
couldn't pinpoint the exact location.

"Ouch. Okay, bye Jason." I waved. "Ta-ta."

"What the fuck is going on?" A familiar voice this time. I blinked and looked up: A fifth
face. This one was pretty. Ryan.

"Ryan! You look nice." I admired. "Wait,
I don't like you right now." I couldn't remember why but I knew I didn't.

"I'm fine," I said, waving his hand off,
"He's just pissed because I knocked him out at a party a while ago. Except, he started it!"

Ryan's jaw tensed.
He grabbed my arm and examined it for some
reason. I pulled it back. I wondered why he did that but didn't get to finish
that thought because he'd turned around and was walking up to Jason. He just
walked right up and thrust his clenched fist at Jason's square jaw, knocking
him off balance. A second later, he had Jason on the ground and was punching
the shit out of the poor guy.

From where I lay, I raised myself up on
my elbows to watch. "Yeah! Go Ryan!" I yelled. "Woo!"
Jason did get a few good hits in, but Ryan wasn't making any moves to let the
guy go. The sound of flesh hitting flesh was nauseating. I felt like throwing
up but managed to control myself.

I sat up and crossed my legs, holding my
chin in my hand. This was getting boring. Why didn't Ryan come back? I wanted
him to come back.

Eventually, while I sat there
cross-legged, a few people had to come in and break the fight up. Jason was
lead away by his friends, I saw lisa-may and Jennifer
among them flash me funny looks. I decided I'd delete their numbers off my cell
phone if they were friends with Jason the jerk.

Ryan came back. This made me happy. I
smiled at Ryan. He smiled back ruefully, wiping his forehead. He held out a
hand; I stared at it.

"C'mon, Kyle, Lets go sit by the beach."
He said. His blond hair lay matted against his forehead. I wondered if he'd
gone swimming.

"Did you go swimming?" I tried to grab
his hair.

Ryan laughed warmly. "You are completely
trashed aren't you?"

"I want gum; do you have gum?"

"Yes, I have gum. Now c'mon!"
Ryan chuckled. "I've never seen you this drunk. Wow, Kyle completely pissed is
hilarious."

I placed my hand in his; it felt right. I
wanted to leave it there, so I did even when I was completely upright and we
walked together to the beach. We didn't speak anymore. I love Ryan, I remember thinking. We sat in cool sand on the
beach. I wasn't worried about getting sand between my toes so I took my shoes
and socks off. It was slightly chilly; after all it was dark now.

"Yeah, go ahead." He leaned foreword as
if to allow me to do so, bending his head so his hair was level with my hands.
I placed my hands in his hair. It was soft to the touch, silky. I wanted to
wrap my fingers in it. I remembered
doing so when he was fucking me. It seemed like something I should say at the
time.

"I always liked your hair, especially
when I wrapped it in my fingers when you fucked me. Remember?"

Ryan stilled, and then slowly backed his
head up again. "Yeah, I remember," He said softly, looking off into the horizon
at something perhaps only he could see. "Man, no inhibitions,
huh?" He stated after a while, shaking his head at me. "Is that why you
don't care that your new boyfriend is making out with Jeremy?"

I moved closer to him, laid my head on
his shoulder and yawned. "You see, I'm in love with you, kay?"

Ryan didn't say anything. He was still.

"Okay?"

Still nothing. I
yawned again.

"Well, anyway. I tried to forget about
you. It was no good. No one else is any good." I couldn't stop yawning. I felt
so utterly tired, so exhausted, it felt like I hadn't slept in years. "You're
so stupid; I dunno why it's like this." I closed my
eyes. "I'm tired."

Ryan was still for a long time. I felt no
movement. I shrugged it off and felt my eye-lids getting really heavy. Sleep
was so near. "Hey, wake up!" Ryan shook me awake again. He was in front of me,
gripping my shoulders. His green eyes were intent, concerned. I frowned. "I wanna sleep."

"No, you were knocked around on your head
a bit. Even if it's nothing, you shouldn't sleep now, okay, Kyle?" Ryan said
softly.

I groaned. "Fine."
I pouted. "You weren't saying anything."

"Yeah, that's because I was thinking
about stuff, Kyle."

"What stuff?"

"Lots of stuff."
He smiled at me. "About you, actually."

"Me?" I lit up. "Really?"

"Yep."

"Can I sleep now?"

"No, you can't, Kyle." Ryan repeated,
still watching me closely. "What about now?" I asked. "No, Kyle, you can't." He
repeated patiently. He smiled suddenly and leaned forward, kissing my forehead
gently, lips lingering. Soft, sweet, I felt warm inside. I felt happy. I felt
his lips on my cheek then, spreading a warm glow through me. I reached out and
stroked the skin of his arm.