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Writing style's a bit disjointed this time around, and I apologize if it doesn't flow as well as my usual stuff does; I just needed to vent. We found out late last night that a kid on campus had committed suicide, and over the course of today I've learned details about the whole affair that makes me furious and sick to my stomach. I needed to let the feelings out somehow, hence this short.

Also, for some reason I wrote from Yuuno's POV. I don't really know why, it just flowed out that way.

Lyrics at the beginning are from "Skeptics And True Believers" by The Academy Is. Might not be fitting, but those particular words got stuck in my head for this piece, so I plugged them in.

It was an odd thought to have, particularly at a funeral of all places; but then again, the whole day seemed odd and unfitting for a funeral. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, and he could even hear the faint sound of birdsong if he strained his ears enough. So somehow, it only seemed natural that Yuuno Scrya would realize he hadn’t really known Fate T. Testarossa when he was at her funeral.

He stood among the grieving as Lindy gave a speech about her adopted daughter, calm and composed if one didn’t look very closely at her tightly clasped, trembling hands, or at her cloudy eyes. Holding tightly to Nanoha’s hand as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, Yuuno gazed at the place where Fate would be buried.

Really, all he had ever known was the bare, basic facts that anyone could know about the woman from reading the report under the Jewel Seed incident. She had been abused by her mother, created as a clone of her dead daughter, and had been adopted by Lindy Harlaown at the age of nine. She had been one of the top Aces of the TSAB and an adoptive mother to Vivio Takamachi, and along the way had raised Caro Lu Rushe and Erio Mondial.

Even then, he knew that his knowledge of her went deeper than those simple facts. He’d known, for example, that Fate had always been a speed demon even in high school; that she had for many years nursed a crush on Nanoha that had never really flourished; that while she adored Lindy and Chrono, she had always still loved Precia in spite of the abuse she had inflicted.

Certainly, he had spoken to her many times in the past to have a grasp of her personality. Quiet but firm, gentle and slightly spoiling, with a wicked gleam of humor in her eye and a quick wit for any situation. It had always surprised and amused him how beneath the layers, there was even more of Fate to be uncovered.

But he hadn’t known enough.

At least, that was what he could only conclude when they had found Fate floating in the river two days earlier, and no one knew why she’d jumped. He’d racked his memory, trying to find some hint, some clue that connected the puzzle, but he saw no warning sign that could have saved her. Certainly, she had seemed depressed after finally accepting that Nanoha simply didn’t have it in her to love her the way she had wanted, but she had seemed happy enough, and almost back to her old self.

And now she was dead, buried too soon. And her friends and family were left reeling, wondering if they had ever really known the blonde at all, and if they would ever grasp why she had committed suicide.

Feeling his glasses blur, Yuuno grimaced and grinded his teeth together, his fingers tightening around Nanoha’s hand; as if sensing his warring emotions, the brunette squeezed back gently, but she didn’t stop crying.

It really was, he thought hollowly, an odd day for a funeral. It would have been more fitting if it had rained.

EDIT: Pageclaim for Clementi, who deserved far better than what he got.

Writing style's a bit disjointed this time around, and I apologize if it doesn't flow as well as my usual stuff does; I just needed to vent. We found out late last night that a kid on campus had committed suicide, and over the course of today I've learned details about the whole affair that makes me furious and sick to my stomach. I needed to let the feelings out somehow, hence this short.

Also, for some reason I wrote from Yuuno's POV. I don't really know why, it just flowed out that way.

Lyrics at the beginning are from "Skeptics And True Believers" by The Academy Is. Might not be fitting, but those particular words got stuck in my head for this piece, so I plugged them in.

It was an odd thought to have, particularly at a funeral of all places; but then again, the whole day seemed odd and unfitting for a funeral. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, and he could even hear the faint sound of birdsong if he strained his ears enough. So somehow, it only seemed natural that Yuuno Scrya would realize he hadn’t really known Fate T. Testarossa when he was at her funeral.

He stood among the grieving as Lindy gave a speech about her adopted daughter, calm and composed if one didn’t look very closely at her tightly clasped, trembling hands, or at her cloudy eyes. Holding tightly to Nanoha’s hand as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, Yuuno gazed at the place where Fate would be buried.

Really, all he had ever known was the bare, basic facts that anyone could know about the woman from reading the report under the Jewel Seed incident. She had been abused by her mother, created as a clone of her dead daughter, and had been adopted by Lindy Harlaown at the age of nine. She had been one of the top Aces of the TSAB and an adoptive mother to Vivio Takamachi, and along the way had raised Caro Lu Rushe and Erio Mondial.

Even then, he knew that his knowledge of her went deeper than those simple facts. He’d known, for example, that Fate had always been a speed demon even in high school; that she had for many years nursed a crush on Nanoha that had never really flourished; that while she adored Lindy and Chrono, she had always still loved Precia in spite of the abuse she had inflicted.

Certainly, he had spoken to her many times in the past to have a grasp of her personality. Quiet but firm, gentle and slightly spoiling, with a wicked gleam of humor in her eye and a quick wit for any situation. It had always surprised and amused him how beneath the layers, there was even more of Fate to be uncovered.

But he hadn’t known enough.

At least, that was what he could only conclude when they had found Fate floating in the river two days earlier, and no one knew why she’d jumped. He’d racked his memory, trying to find some hint, some clue that connected the puzzle, but he saw no warning sign that could have saved her. Certainly, she had seemed depressed after finally accepting that Nanoha simply didn’t have it in her to love her the way she had wanted, but she had seemed happy enough, and almost back to her old self.

And now she was dead, buried too soon. And her friends and family were left reeling, wondering if they had ever really known the blonde at all, and if they would ever grasp why she had committed suicide.

Feeling his glasses blur, Yuuno grimaced and grinded his teeth together, his fingers tightening around Nanoha’s hand; as if sensing his warring emotions, the brunette squeezed back gently, but she didn’t stop crying.

It really was, he thought hollowly, an odd day for a funeral. It would have been more fitting if it had rained.

EDIT: Pageclaim for Clementi, who deserved far better than what he got.

I...I think I'm going to cry, this brought up feelings i thought were dead. It really puts things in perspective. How well can one truly know another human being? I feel really bad for the poor kid, what could have driven them to that? Tthat's it I'm definitly going to cry, this brings up personal memories (a natural death not suicide, but just as sudden), the hollow empty feeling you get when you hear the news, and then the crying (i didn't attend school for three days), and the regret that you didn't spend more time with them, that you didn't bond more, that you weren't there to say good bye. But I digress, i like the way it's written since it conveys Yuuno's feelings really well, you can just see the scene, a bright happy day for everyone else and yet a time of deepest mourning for those involved. The constant nagging feeling "maybe i could have done something. Why didn't i see it coming."

Oddly It's true what they say time heals all wounds, i find i'm able to talk about it now when i never could. Thank you for allowing me to realise that.

__________________

"The eyes are the windows that let us gaze upon the soul"

"When desperate there are two choices: Lock shields for the last stand or draw your sword for the final charge"

"There are no winners or losers, there are only the living and the dead."

Holy crap. I read the news earlier today; didn't know you go to that university. I can't really imagine how shocking it must have been to hear that... I hope you're all right.

At least the heartless assholes who caused this are facing a possible prison sentence.

Handling it is how I'd put it, I guess. I never knew the boy personally, though apparently he was a member of my campus community. The whole situation has just left me feeling shocked and sick about what people are willing to do for a thrill.

Writing style's a bit disjointed this time around, and I apologize if it doesn't flow as well as my usual stuff does; I just needed to vent. We found out late last night that a kid on campus had committed suicide, and over the course of today I've learned details about the whole affair that makes me furious and sick to my stomach. I needed to let the feelings out somehow, hence this short.

Also, for some reason I wrote from Yuuno's POV. I don't really know why, it just flowed out that way.

Lyrics at the beginning are from "Skeptics And True Believers" by The Academy Is. Might not be fitting, but those particular words got stuck in my head for this piece, so I plugged them in.

It was an odd thought to have, particularly at a funeral of all places; but then again, the whole day seemed odd and unfitting for a funeral. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, and he could even hear the faint sound of birdsong if he strained his ears enough. So somehow, it only seemed natural that Yuuno Scrya would realize he hadn’t really known Fate T. Testarossa when he was at her funeral.

He stood among the grieving as Lindy gave a speech about her adopted daughter, calm and composed if one didn’t look very closely at her tightly clasped, trembling hands, or at her cloudy eyes. Holding tightly to Nanoha’s hand as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, Yuuno gazed at the place where Fate would be buried.

Really, all he had ever known was the bare, basic facts that anyone could know about the woman from reading the report under the Jewel Seed incident. She had been abused by her mother, created as a clone of her dead daughter, and had been adopted by Lindy Harlaown at the age of nine. She had been one of the top Aces of the TSAB and an adoptive mother to Vivio Takamachi, and along the way had raised Caro Lu Rushe and Erio Mondial.

Even then, he knew that his knowledge of her went deeper than those simple facts. He’d known, for example, that Fate had always been a speed demon even in high school; that she had for many years nursed a crush on Nanoha that had never really flourished; that while she adored Lindy and Chrono, she had always still loved Precia in spite of the abuse she had inflicted.

Certainly, he had spoken to her many times in the past to have a grasp of her personality. Quiet but firm, gentle and slightly spoiling, with a wicked gleam of humor in her eye and a quick wit for any situation. It had always surprised and amused him how beneath the layers, there was even more of Fate to be uncovered.

But he hadn’t known enough.

At least, that was what he could only conclude when they had found Fate floating in the river two days earlier, and no one knew why she’d jumped. He’d racked his memory, trying to find some hint, some clue that connected the puzzle, but he saw no warning sign that could have saved her. Certainly, she had seemed depressed after finally accepting that Nanoha simply didn’t have it in her to love her the way she had wanted, but she had seemed happy enough, and almost back to her old self.

And now she was dead, buried too soon. And her friends and family were left reeling, wondering if they had ever really known the blonde at all, and if they would ever grasp why she had committed suicide.

Feeling his glasses blur, Yuuno grimaced and grinded his teeth together, his fingers tightening around Nanoha’s hand; as if sensing his warring emotions, the brunette squeezed back gently, but she didn’t stop crying.

It really was, he thought hollowly, an odd day for a funeral. It would have been more fitting if it had rained.

EDIT: Pageclaim for Clementi, who deserved far better than what he got.

That's pretty sad. I understand how you feel, someone that attended the same school as me for a short while committed suicide not to long ago.

Writing style's a bit disjointed this time around, and I apologize if it doesn't flow as well as my usual stuff does; I just needed to vent. We found out late last night that a kid on campus had committed suicide, and over the course of today I've learned details about the whole affair that makes me furious and sick to my stomach. I needed to let the feelings out somehow, hence this short.

Also, for some reason I wrote from Yuuno's POV. I don't really know why, it just flowed out that way.

Lyrics at the beginning are from "Skeptics And True Believers" by The Academy Is. Might not be fitting, but those particular words got stuck in my head for this piece, so I plugged them in.

It was an odd thought to have, particularly at a funeral of all places; but then again, the whole day seemed odd and unfitting for a funeral. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, and he could even hear the faint sound of birdsong if he strained his ears enough. So somehow, it only seemed natural that Yuuno Scrya would realize he hadn’t really known Fate T. Testarossa when he was at her funeral.

He stood among the grieving as Lindy gave a speech about her adopted daughter, calm and composed if one didn’t look very closely at her tightly clasped, trembling hands, or at her cloudy eyes. Holding tightly to Nanoha’s hand as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, Yuuno gazed at the place where Fate would be buried.

Really, all he had ever known was the bare, basic facts that anyone could know about the woman from reading the report under the Jewel Seed incident. She had been abused by her mother, created as a clone of her dead daughter, and had been adopted by Lindy Harlaown at the age of nine. She had been one of the top Aces of the TSAB and an adoptive mother to Vivio Takamachi, and along the way had raised Caro Lu Rushe and Erio Mondial.

Even then, he knew that his knowledge of her went deeper than those simple facts. He’d known, for example, that Fate had always been a speed demon even in high school; that she had for many years nursed a crush on Nanoha that had never really flourished; that while she adored Lindy and Chrono, she had always still loved Precia in spite of the abuse she had inflicted.

Certainly, he had spoken to her many times in the past to have a grasp of her personality. Quiet but firm, gentle and slightly spoiling, with a wicked gleam of humor in her eye and a quick wit for any situation. It had always surprised and amused him how beneath the layers, there was even more of Fate to be uncovered.

But he hadn’t known enough.

At least, that was what he could only conclude when they had found Fate floating in the river two days earlier, and no one knew why she’d jumped. He’d racked his memory, trying to find some hint, some clue that connected the puzzle, but he saw no warning sign that could have saved her. Certainly, she had seemed depressed after finally accepting that Nanoha simply didn’t have it in her to love her the way she had wanted, but she had seemed happy enough, and almost back to her old self.

And now she was dead, buried too soon. And her friends and family were left reeling, wondering if they had ever really known the blonde at all, and if they would ever grasp why she had committed suicide.

Feeling his glasses blur, Yuuno grimaced and grinded his teeth together, his fingers tightening around Nanoha’s hand; as if sensing his warring emotions, the brunette squeezed back gently, but she didn’t stop crying.

It really was, he thought hollowly, an odd day for a funeral. It would have been more fitting if it had rained.

EDIT: Pageclaim for Clementi, who deserved far better than what he got.

This was good. While I've never known anyone who committed suicide myself, I have lost those who I regret not being closer to. You captured that feeling quite well.

Writing style's a bit disjointed this time around, and I apologize if it doesn't flow as well as my usual stuff does; I just needed to vent. We found out late last night that a kid on campus had committed suicide, and over the course of today I've learned details about the whole affair that makes me furious and sick to my stomach. I needed to let the feelings out somehow, hence this short.

Also, for some reason I wrote from Yuuno's POV. I don't really know why, it just flowed out that way.

Lyrics at the beginning are from "Skeptics And True Believers" by The Academy Is. Might not be fitting, but those particular words got stuck in my head for this piece, so I plugged them in.

It was an odd thought to have, particularly at a funeral of all places; but then again, the whole day seemed odd and unfitting for a funeral. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, and he could even hear the faint sound of birdsong if he strained his ears enough. So somehow, it only seemed natural that Yuuno Scrya would realize he hadn’t really known Fate T. Testarossa when he was at her funeral.

He stood among the grieving as Lindy gave a speech about her adopted daughter, calm and composed if one didn’t look very closely at her tightly clasped, trembling hands, or at her cloudy eyes. Holding tightly to Nanoha’s hand as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, Yuuno gazed at the place where Fate would be buried.

Really, all he had ever known was the bare, basic facts that anyone could know about the woman from reading the report under the Jewel Seed incident. She had been abused by her mother, created as a clone of her dead daughter, and had been adopted by Lindy Harlaown at the age of nine. She had been one of the top Aces of the TSAB and an adoptive mother to Vivio Takamachi, and along the way had raised Caro Lu Rushe and Erio Mondial.

Even then, he knew that his knowledge of her went deeper than those simple facts. He’d known, for example, that Fate had always been a speed demon even in high school; that she had for many years nursed a crush on Nanoha that had never really flourished; that while she adored Lindy and Chrono, she had always still loved Precia in spite of the abuse she had inflicted.

Certainly, he had spoken to her many times in the past to have a grasp of her personality. Quiet but firm, gentle and slightly spoiling, with a wicked gleam of humor in her eye and a quick wit for any situation. It had always surprised and amused him how beneath the layers, there was even more of Fate to be uncovered.

But he hadn’t known enough.

At least, that was what he could only conclude when they had found Fate floating in the river two days earlier, and no one knew why she’d jumped. He’d racked his memory, trying to find some hint, some clue that connected the puzzle, but he saw no warning sign that could have saved her. Certainly, she had seemed depressed after finally accepting that Nanoha simply didn’t have it in her to love her the way she had wanted, but she had seemed happy enough, and almost back to her old self.

And now she was dead, buried too soon. And her friends and family were left reeling, wondering if they had ever really known the blonde at all, and if they would ever grasp why she had committed suicide.

Feeling his glasses blur, Yuuno grimaced and grinded his teeth together, his fingers tightening around Nanoha’s hand; as if sensing his warring emotions, the brunette squeezed back gently, but she didn’t stop crying.

It really was, he thought hollowly, an odd day for a funeral. It would have been more fitting if it had rained.

EDIT: Pageclaim for Clementi, who deserved far better than what he got.

I like the nod of Fate's feelings towards Precia. We see in the series that Fate is sympathetic towards Precia, even past the abuse. When Yuuno referenced the "speed demon" part, I thought that Fate had died in a car accident, until I kept on reading.

Sad, that Yuuno felt that he didn't know Fate well at all--I can believe it, as either Fate really came to accept and understand her life in StrikerS, or she was still hiding a little old pain underneath it all. Clearly in this fic, Fate had some problems that she couldn't get over, in the end.

Writing style's a bit disjointed this time around, and I apologize if it doesn't flow as well as my usual stuff does; I just needed to vent. We found out late last night that a kid on campus had committed suicide, and over the course of today I've learned details about the whole affair that makes me furious and sick to my stomach. I needed to let the feelings out somehow, hence this short.

Also, for some reason I wrote from Yuuno's POV. I don't really know why, it just flowed out that way.

Lyrics at the beginning are from "Skeptics And True Believers" by The Academy Is. Might not be fitting, but those particular words got stuck in my head for this piece, so I plugged them in.

It was an odd thought to have, particularly at a funeral of all places; but then again, the whole day seemed odd and unfitting for a funeral. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, and he could even hear the faint sound of birdsong if he strained his ears enough. So somehow, it only seemed natural that Yuuno Scrya would realize he hadn’t really known Fate T. Testarossa when he was at her funeral.

He stood among the grieving as Lindy gave a speech about her adopted daughter, calm and composed if one didn’t look very closely at her tightly clasped, trembling hands, or at her cloudy eyes. Holding tightly to Nanoha’s hand as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, Yuuno gazed at the place where Fate would be buried.

Really, all he had ever known was the bare, basic facts that anyone could know about the woman from reading the report under the Jewel Seed incident. She had been abused by her mother, created as a clone of her dead daughter, and had been adopted by Lindy Harlaown at the age of nine. She had been one of the top Aces of the TSAB and an adoptive mother to Vivio Takamachi, and along the way had raised Caro Lu Rushe and Erio Mondial.

Even then, he knew that his knowledge of her went deeper than those simple facts. He’d known, for example, that Fate had always been a speed demon even in high school; that she had for many years nursed a crush on Nanoha that had never really flourished; that while she adored Lindy and Chrono, she had always still loved Precia in spite of the abuse she had inflicted.

Certainly, he had spoken to her many times in the past to have a grasp of her personality. Quiet but firm, gentle and slightly spoiling, with a wicked gleam of humor in her eye and a quick wit for any situation. It had always surprised and amused him how beneath the layers, there was even more of Fate to be uncovered.

But he hadn’t known enough.

At least, that was what he could only conclude when they had found Fate floating in the river two days earlier, and no one knew why she’d jumped. He’d racked his memory, trying to find some hint, some clue that connected the puzzle, but he saw no warning sign that could have saved her. Certainly, she had seemed depressed after finally accepting that Nanoha simply didn’t have it in her to love her the way she had wanted, but she had seemed happy enough, and almost back to her old self.

And now she was dead, buried too soon. And her friends and family were left reeling, wondering if they had ever really known the blonde at all, and if they would ever grasp why she had committed suicide.

Feeling his glasses blur, Yuuno grimaced and grinded his teeth together, his fingers tightening around Nanoha’s hand; as if sensing his warring emotions, the brunette squeezed back gently, but she didn’t stop crying.

It really was, he thought hollowly, an odd day for a funeral. It would have been more fitting if it had rained.

EDIT: Pageclaim for Clementi, who deserved far better than what he got.

*hugs*

These sorts of situations are always hard, and it doesn't make it any better when the situation is such that there's something to blame... I think it makes it worse, personally. I'm furious too. And I'm so sorry that you (and the whole Rutgers community) have to deal with this.

I was looking back over the stuff I sent you for BtE, and found that piece I wrote that was essentially for you. Can we have muse strikes for something other than death, plz? kthxbai.

Writing style's a bit disjointed this time around, and I apologize if it doesn't flow as well as my usual stuff does; I just needed to vent. We found out late last night that a kid on campus had committed suicide, and over the course of today I've learned details about the whole affair that makes me furious and sick to my stomach. I needed to let the feelings out somehow, hence this short.

Also, for some reason I wrote from Yuuno's POV. I don't really know why, it just flowed out that way.

Lyrics at the beginning are from "Skeptics And True Believers" by The Academy Is. Might not be fitting, but those particular words got stuck in my head for this piece, so I plugged them in.

It was an odd thought to have, particularly at a funeral of all places; but then again, the whole day seemed odd and unfitting for a funeral. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, and he could even hear the faint sound of birdsong if he strained his ears enough. So somehow, it only seemed natural that Yuuno Scrya would realize he hadn’t really known Fate T. Testarossa when he was at her funeral.

He stood among the grieving as Lindy gave a speech about her adopted daughter, calm and composed if one didn’t look very closely at her tightly clasped, trembling hands, or at her cloudy eyes. Holding tightly to Nanoha’s hand as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, Yuuno gazed at the place where Fate would be buried.

Really, all he had ever known was the bare, basic facts that anyone could know about the woman from reading the report under the Jewel Seed incident. She had been abused by her mother, created as a clone of her dead daughter, and had been adopted by Lindy Harlaown at the age of nine. She had been one of the top Aces of the TSAB and an adoptive mother to Vivio Takamachi, and along the way had raised Caro Lu Rushe and Erio Mondial.

Even then, he knew that his knowledge of her went deeper than those simple facts. He’d known, for example, that Fate had always been a speed demon even in high school; that she had for many years nursed a crush on Nanoha that had never really flourished; that while she adored Lindy and Chrono, she had always still loved Precia in spite of the abuse she had inflicted.

Certainly, he had spoken to her many times in the past to have a grasp of her personality. Quiet but firm, gentle and slightly spoiling, with a wicked gleam of humor in her eye and a quick wit for any situation. It had always surprised and amused him how beneath the layers, there was even more of Fate to be uncovered.

But he hadn’t known enough.

At least, that was what he could only conclude when they had found Fate floating in the river two days earlier, and no one knew why she’d jumped. He’d racked his memory, trying to find some hint, some clue that connected the puzzle, but he saw no warning sign that could have saved her. Certainly, she had seemed depressed after finally accepting that Nanoha simply didn’t have it in her to love her the way she had wanted, but she had seemed happy enough, and almost back to her old self.

And now she was dead, buried too soon. And her friends and family were left reeling, wondering if they had ever really known the blonde at all, and if they would ever grasp why she had committed suicide.

Feeling his glasses blur, Yuuno grimaced and grinded his teeth together, his fingers tightening around Nanoha’s hand; as if sensing his warring emotions, the brunette squeezed back gently, but she didn’t stop crying.

It really was, he thought hollowly, an odd day for a funeral. It would have been more fitting if it had rained.

EDIT: Pageclaim for Clementi, who deserved far better than what he got.

Oh, man... I guess this is what I get for not following the FFT too closely, I heard about this story but had no idea you went to that school... sorry to hear this. I guess we can take a little comfort in that they caught the ones responsible. Hopefully having someone to focus all that anger and confusion on lets the poor guy's friends and family sleep a little better at night.

As for the story itself, it really is a touching piece. I think it gets across the sheer helplessness of being the 'one left behind' very well.

Writing style's a bit disjointed this time around, and I apologize if it doesn't flow as well as my usual stuff does; I just needed to vent. We found out late last night that a kid on campus had committed suicide, and over the course of today I've learned details about the whole affair that makes me furious and sick to my stomach. I needed to let the feelings out somehow, hence this short.

Also, for some reason I wrote from Yuuno's POV. I don't really know why, it just flowed out that way.

Lyrics at the beginning are from "Skeptics And True Believers" by The Academy Is. Might not be fitting, but those particular words got stuck in my head for this piece, so I plugged them in.

It was an odd thought to have, particularly at a funeral of all places; but then again, the whole day seemed odd and unfitting for a funeral. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, and he could even hear the faint sound of birdsong if he strained his ears enough. So somehow, it only seemed natural that Yuuno Scrya would realize he hadn’t really known Fate T. Testarossa when he was at her funeral.

He stood among the grieving as Lindy gave a speech about her adopted daughter, calm and composed if one didn’t look very closely at her tightly clasped, trembling hands, or at her cloudy eyes. Holding tightly to Nanoha’s hand as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, Yuuno gazed at the place where Fate would be buried.

Really, all he had ever known was the bare, basic facts that anyone could know about the woman from reading the report under the Jewel Seed incident. She had been abused by her mother, created as a clone of her dead daughter, and had been adopted by Lindy Harlaown at the age of nine. She had been one of the top Aces of the TSAB and an adoptive mother to Vivio Takamachi, and along the way had raised Caro Lu Rushe and Erio Mondial.

Even then, he knew that his knowledge of her went deeper than those simple facts. He’d known, for example, that Fate had always been a speed demon even in high school; that she had for many years nursed a crush on Nanoha that had never really flourished; that while she adored Lindy and Chrono, she had always still loved Precia in spite of the abuse she had inflicted.

Certainly, he had spoken to her many times in the past to have a grasp of her personality. Quiet but firm, gentle and slightly spoiling, with a wicked gleam of humor in her eye and a quick wit for any situation. It had always surprised and amused him how beneath the layers, there was even more of Fate to be uncovered.

But he hadn’t known enough.

At least, that was what he could only conclude when they had found Fate floating in the river two days earlier, and no one knew why she’d jumped. He’d racked his memory, trying to find some hint, some clue that connected the puzzle, but he saw no warning sign that could have saved her. Certainly, she had seemed depressed after finally accepting that Nanoha simply didn’t have it in her to love her the way she had wanted, but she had seemed happy enough, and almost back to her old self.

And now she was dead, buried too soon. And her friends and family were left reeling, wondering if they had ever really known the blonde at all, and if they would ever grasp why she had committed suicide.

Feeling his glasses blur, Yuuno grimaced and grinded his teeth together, his fingers tightening around Nanoha’s hand; as if sensing his warring emotions, the brunette squeezed back gently, but she didn’t stop crying.

It really was, he thought hollowly, an odd day for a funeral. It would have been more fitting if it had rained.

EDIT: Pageclaim for Clementi, who deserved far better than what he got.

This reminds me of House M.D., Kutner's death.

I hope the culprit gets the proper punishment for his crime.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nanya01

@Tiresias: Tense problems, LOTS of tense problems.

Try to keep it past tense as much as possible.

Thank you very much for the advice. I really need to brush up my english

I'm currently fixing the old chapters. Meanwhile, for those interested:

Spoiler for sneak peek:

“Hiyaa, this is the Harlouwn residence. My grim husband is not here and so is the rest of the family, but feel free to drop a message after the BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!”

That Amy. She changed the record again!

Chrono started to speak in a deadpan way, as usual. “This is your grim husband speaking. Sorry I didn’t call sooner, it’s been very hectic around here. I don’t even know what the time is there…”

His tone started to change. “Anyway, I just want to let you know everything is fine. I know you’ve been watching the news, but it’s not the end of the world as the media paints it. Our troops are tough as nails and they’re all ready for battle. We’re soldiers, this is what we do.”

“---I love you all.” Not knowing what else to say, Chrono finished his message.
Everything is fine. Truth to be told, he knew that his wife will realize that it’s a lie judging from his tone. He wasn’t trying to convince her, he was trying to convince himself.

Imperial forces have managed to repel the initial raids, but the invasion swarms are still to be dealt with. The droids seems to have stopped their advance to besiege TSAB bases in worlds under their blockade. Right now, his forces are preparing to liberate the world of Diogenium.

Are we really prepared for this? The casualty report from the last few days indicates otherwise.

The admiral looked at the photo of his family. It is bad luck they said; those who did that in the movies usually ends up dead. But he needed all the motivation he can.

Well, the only crime he's guilty of is invasion of privacy. He can't be held responsible for the other guy's suicide, or atleast I don't think he should.

I know this sounds harsh, but I'm pretty sure I've said this before: I have no sympathy for those who commit suicide. Killing yourself is the coward's way out. No matter how hard things are you can overcome them if you stay strong. In the end commiting suicide is a choice that a person makes, and no one else can be held responsible.

The real victims here are those left behind. They're the ones who have to live with it afterwards, something those who kill themselves often ignore.

RB's fic was really good at showing that. The pain, confusion and guilt about it all was displayed fantastically. It's Yuuno and the others you feel sympathy for, not Fate. Fate took her life just because things weren't working out for her and I refuse to feel sorry for her. She's the one at fault here because it was her choice to jump. Should Nanoha be held responsible because her rejecting Fate's feelings was the cause? No. Is she probably going to blame herself anyways? Definitely. She's the one who deserves the sympathy.

I know this is a touchy subject and my views will probably not sit well with some, but suicide just makes me angry.

Well, the only crime he's guilty of is invasion of privacy. He can't be held responsible for the other guy's suicide, or atleast I don't think he should.

I'm iffy about the legalities involved, but driving someone into committing suicide is a crime, I believe. Oddly enough though, I do agree with you in that he can't be held responsible for the other guy's suicide. However, he should still be responsible for his immature lack of judgment that resulted in someone's death. It makes me sad that people even find something like that amusing and a spectacle to watch--and as many other cases show, lots of people think that humiliating someone is funny/okay, and only when someone dies do they realize that it's wrong. People should have the empathy to know it's wrong before victims have to die to prove the point.

Quote:

I know this sounds harsh, but I'm pretty sure I've said this before: I have no sympathy for those who commit suicide. Killing yourself is the coward's way out. No matter how hard things are you can overcome them if you stay strong. In the end commiting suicide is a choice that a person makes, and no one else can be held responsible.

The real victims here are those left behind. They're the ones who have to live with it afterwards, something those who kill themselves often ignore.

You're entitled to your opinion, definitely. I find that I believe that one of the major differences between those who do commit suicide and those who don't are the social support systems that they have. Some people are lucky to have supportive family and friends and the right kind of help that they need to endure through their troubles. Other people don't, and it's not anyone's fault that they don't. It's just sad.

While I agree that yes, suicide is a choice, I think that for those who do it's a choice that they feel that they were forced into--when to them, it's their only choice possible. Whether or not that's true, it's not a choice that people make lightly, or that they want to make.

Quote:

RB's fic was really good at showing that. The pain, confusion and guilt about it all was displayed fantastically. It's Yuuno and the others you feel sympathy for, not Fate. Fate took her life just because things weren't working out for her and I refuse to feel sorry for her. She's the one at fault here because it was her choice to jump. Should Nanoha be held responsible because her rejecting Fate's feelings was the cause? No. Is she probably going to blame herself anyways? Definitely. She's the one who deserves the sympathy.

I know this is a touchy subject and my views will probably not sit well with some, but suicide just makes me angry.

Well, I found myself feeling pretty sorry for Fate too. The fic didn't show us anything about Fate's thoughts or feelings, so who knows exactly why she finally, after enduring it for so long, decided to jump? Of course Nanoha isn't at fault for rejecting Fate, but I don't believe that it's fair to lump all the responsibility upon Fate's head, or assume that she didn't think about how her actions could impact her loved ones at all--maybe she did worry about that, but felt like she had no other choice in the end. Depression isn't just inside the mind, as people commonly believe--the physical body contributes a lot to depression, and that's not something that people can control just by trying to think happier. There's not enough in the fic to show Fate's side of it. I do feel bad for Nanoha too, since like you say she's going to blame herself anyways even though she shouldn't.

I have to keep myself from speculating too deeply into Fate's mind, since we're not shown what's she's thinking, so in a way you do have a good point. From what we see at face value in the fic, it does stir more sympathy for Nanoha and Yuuno than for Fate--but as an active reader I can't quite let myself rule out the fact that without having Fate's side of things, there's no complete picture to make moral judgments. But that's just how I am as a reader.

(It's odd how much I agreed with you in this post, only to be arguing the opposite side! )

Location: Somewhere over the rainbow, in a house dropped on an ugly, old woman.

I won't go into the right or wrong of the situation much. But although I'm a big "personal responsibility" guy, there are times when mental duress will override any sensibilities and cause one to do things they normally wouldn't. Perhaps not to the point of total blamelessness, but covering a decent amount of it.

Anyway, without further ado, I think I'll stoke the flames of my own mini-controversy, heh.

Future Tense

Chapter 20: Family, Part 2

In which Nanoha learns about Ix, and someone else learns about Nanoha...

Chapters 1 thru 18 can be found here.
Chapter 19 (not yet posted to ff.net) can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 20: Family, Part 2:

MGLN: Future Tense
Chapter 20: Family, Part 2

Xx~~*~~xX

At first glance, it was a perfectly normal scene one might find during a nice summer day a young woman, sitting alone on a lounge chair on the patio, eyes closed as if napping. And the young girl observing the grown woman had wondered if that was indeed the case, and so sat down to study the person who had been introduced as Vivio's mother.

She didn't look old enough to be a grandmother, and indeed, Vivio was much older biologically. But Ixpellia had understood the exact circumstances behind this new person's arrival, and due to her own issues, she knew not to take age in the exact sense. Also, she had heard stories and seen videos of the mage this woman was cloned from, and thus had a fairly good idea of what she was like; much like the Vivio she had come to know the past couple of years, it turned out.

Distracted by her own thoughts, Ix didn't notice Nanoha crack an eye open until the woman spoke in a pleasant tone. "Hello there."

Ix studied the small jewel hanging from the cord around Nanoha's neck, now cupped in the owner's hand. "Virtual reality training? Vivio and Einhart do that all the time, and I join them sometimes, but I'm not very good. What are you training for?"

"Apparently some extra combat functions were added, and I wanted to use this month to get familiar with them, as well as maintain my edge," Nanoha replied, then smiled. "But you train with Vivio?"

She blushed a little in embarrassment, and perhaps a little sadness. "I'm not that good. Because of the way my body is modified, I can't use any magic. All the mana my linker cores takes in is dedicated to mariage core production. So I can use some Strike Arts, but nowhere near their strength."

The tone and emotion behind the words made Nanoha pause, and reach across to lay a hand on top of the younger girl's. Vivio had explained everything behind the mariage incident which took place a couple years after Nanoha had passed away; about how a man named Toredia and a woman named Runessa had found a sleeping Ixpellia, and used her to manufacture mariages with which to attack and kill people, in order to spread the pain they felt over their homeland of Orussia being embroiled in civil war.

"I heard all about it," Nanoha offered sympathetically. "About how you were used, both back in Belkan days and in more recent history. Are you really okay with what you are doing? Producing these soldiers for war? You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

The young girl was silent for a moment, glancing down into her lap. "They said the same thing. I don't really like war, nor the killing and death I cause whenever I wake up, and when I woke up two years ago, it was the last thing I would have wanted to do...."

x~~*~~x

"Who are you?" were the first words out of her mouth upon coming out of her stasis-like sleep and taking notice of the older woman sitting near by.

"You don't recognize me, Ix?" the older woman replied, then smiled sadly while looking at her hands. "Wait, I suppose you might not."

Ixpellia took a closer look, but still in the dark as to the identity until she noticed the eyes: one green, and one red. "I think... I talked with you once before... Vivio? How long was I asleep?"

"About 45 years or so," Vivio replied, helping the younger girl sit up. "Do you want some food or something?"

Her head dropped a little bit in embarrassment as her stomach rumbled. "I think so. 45 years? At least I should be grateful I can see you and my friends again." Her head came back up. "Where is Subaru?"

Now it was Vivio's turn to lower her head slightly, but reached out to place a hand on the girl's. "There will be a lot to take in, but I won't hold anything back. I'm sorry, but she died many years ago."

In what was to be the first of many such instances, an almost overwhelming burden of sadness welled up within her. "I see...."

Feeling a little numb, she let Vivio help her out of bed and get her dressed, before taking her downstairs for a meal. She ate quietly, Vivio nearby but not making her presence overbearing, just enough to let Ix know she was there if needed. The young girl was grateful for that, even if she didn't fully feel it at the time, as her questions about the state of the world and her friends piled more and more sadness upon her. The only bright spot was a promise that she was safe, wouldn't have to endure producing any Mariage, which she had to admit she was fearful of doing, given the way the world supposedly was.

Eventually, she put her fork down on her nearly empty plate, her head lowered. "I see. There was more war, and more death. And still no peace like Subaru promised. No matter how long I sleep, nothing ever changes. People still kill each other and friends still die."

"There will always be those that kill, but that is why we fight," came a new voice, which brought Ixpellia's head up in curiosity.

Vivio introduced the new woman, who sat down on the other side of the table while giving the young girl a smile and a nod. "Oh, this is Einhart Stratos. She lives here with me, and has been helping me take care of you while you were asleep."

Ix stared at Einhart, absently noting that her eyes were different colors like Vivio's. "Why do we have to fight at all? If we do, it just brings more war and death!"

"War and death will come anyway," Einhart argued back in a calm voice. "If we stood by and did nothing, more of our friends die, but by fighting we can protect them. If you lack the strength to protect those you care about, you will lose them."

"No..." Ix whispered, pushing her chair back as tears appeared in her eyes as the horrible memories of war and death passed unbidden through her mind. "NO!"

"Ix!" Vivio called as the little girl took off running out of the dining room.

x~~*~~x

"I didn't understand, then, the real reasons behind her words," Ix continued, glancing off into the horizon while Nanoha listened patiently behind her. "All I knew was that people had died again that I cared about. Throughout my waking memories, it has been the same story; I wake up to find war, death, and people I knew long gone. Even back when I was first born and later taken from my family to be used as a weapon of war."

"I can't imagine what it must have been liked, but in a way, I'm like you," Nanoha told her softly, which made the young girl turn her head to stare. "I'm a clone that was created for a specific purpose, and lately it seems people die because of me. I find it hard to go on sometimes, but I want to protect those precious to me."

"Despite the pain it can cause, you go on because it would cause more pain if you didn't," Ixpellia concluded softly, her eyes lowering.

Nanoha nodded. "It sounds like you've had the same thoughts and feelings."

Ix returned to gazing out into the horizon. "It took me a long time to understand...."

x~~*~~x

For a couple months afterward, Ix tried to go about her days normally. Vivio and Einhart were quick to reassure her she would never be used as a weapon again, that the reason for their being here was to keep her hidden and allow her to live a life where no one could take advantage of her ability for death ever again. And to a degree, that did help; knowing that she wouldn't have to produce cores did help relieve some of the burden she normally felt upon waking.

But that still didn't remove the sense of loneliness, nor the fear that she might still be used as a weapon. What happened when she fell asleep again, and woke up? Vivio and Einhart would be long gone by then, and there would always be wars. What guarantee would she have that she wouldn't be used again?

[I should be happy that I can just live, so why don't I feel that way?] she wondered to herself. [There's been no pressure, and those two have gone out of their way to make me comfortable. So why...?]

"You look like someone with a lot on their mind," came Einhart's voice as the older woman sat down next to her on the edge of the patio to gaze out at the sunset with the little girl. "Are you sure you would not like to learn some Strike Arts?"

There was a moment of silence that made Ix keenly aware of the unsettling feeling she always got around Einhart; she realized she had been running from it for awhile, but knew she had to confront it. "Why do you choose to fight? I heard from Vivio how you two fought in the war, but you also seem to really like fighting."

"I want to know how strong I am," Einhart replied simply. "To be the best that I can be."

"But why fighting?" Ix persisted, turning to look up at the woman, noting the stoic resolve that was ever-present. "Isn't there something else more peaceful you could do?"

"To protect those I care about," Einhart answered with just as much ease, then looked down to give the girl a sad smile. "I also understand how your life has gone, and how you were involved in war and used a producer of weapons every time you awakened; that could not have been pleasant. I carry some of the will and memories of one of my ancestors, Claus Ingvalt, a rarity in my family which made me somewhat special. Because of that, I also carry some of his regret; he wasn't strong enough and thus someone he cared for very much died. I understood how he felt, and didn't want to feel that way myself. There will always be those that threaten war, but with strength, you can at least protect those you care about."

Ix's gaze lowered. "I suppose I can understand that, but I'm weak. I can't use any magic to strengthen my body like you and Vivio can."

"Strength is not only physical power, but also will and heart," Einhart explained, placing a hand over her chest for emphasis. "To not give up, even when things look bad, but fight in your own way. If you can do that, you can secure the peace that we all desire. In essence, we fight so that we don't have to fight."

"I think I can understand that, but I am not as strong as you two," The little girl admitted, glancing down into the grass and absently swinging her legs a little. "Even if I wanted to, there is nothing I can do."

Einhart's lips turned upward in a wry smile. "You know, when I first came to understand the foreign feelings and memories I possessed, I went out on my own to challenge others, seeking the current Sainkt Kaiser and the Dark Queen Ixpellia. I didn't know too much about you then, only your reputation through Claus's memories. That you were a powerful queen with power over life and death. I know how that it was merely the spreading of rumors for the effect of fear, but it did serve to make some Belkan countries not want to go to war with your home planet of Galea. The very strength of your reputation kept some measure of peace, but that was also why I wanted to seek you out. I wanted to defeat the strongest opponents who might threaten peace."

Ix hugged her body. "I know all about my reputation. A couple of the nobles that looked over me took delight in telling me how everyone was afraid of me, that the mention of my name brought fear. I didn't want that. I wanted people to like me, not be afraid of me."

Einhart placed a hand on the little girl's shoulder, getting her attention and giving her a confident smile. "But that is your strength. Not even Claus or the Sankt Kaiser could generate that level of terror in the hearts of their enemies. In the past, your power was used by others, but that is why I train so that my power will only be used by me in the manner I choose. And I choose to wield it only to protect those I care about."

"Like Vivio?" Ix inquired while looking up at the other woman, unexpectedly curious; there was something inside her, a disquiet she had been aware of for some time, and now she suddenly felt close to figuring out why. "I haven't heard about your family."

"Vivio is my main family now, but I consider you a part of it as well," Einhart stated with a comforting smile, glancing off into the sunset again. "My mother died when I was young, and my earliest memories of my father are of him teaching me Kaiser Arts, but he passed away when I was young and so I struck out on my own. As the last practitioner of Kaiser Arts, I wanted to prove their worth, and so I needed to test myself against the best opponents. But then I ran into Vivio and her friends, and they taught me that real strength comes from protecting those you care about. They are my family now."

Ix's face dropped again as she narrowed in on her feelings of discontent. "I hardly remember my family. It seems so long ago... I only have vague feelings of my mother holding me, and I never knew my father, or if I had any brothers or sisters. Subaru was the first time I felt like I might have someone special to care about, but she's gone now, too. Everyone I know will die, while I live on."

Once again, Ix found Einhart's firm, yet gentle hand on her shoulder. "Then we shall be your family. And when we leave here, I will introduce you to more friends and family than you could ever count. If that is what you would like."

Ix remembered having a discussion with Subaru before she went to sleep, where she had realized that she could change herself, and that's what she had set her heart to do before going into stasis. The realization was that one had to change oneself first, before one could change their circumstances; but there was still something holding her back.

Ix bit her lip. "I'll... think about it."

Einhart gave one of her rare full smiles, and gently slapped Ix on the back before standing up. "Good. Think about that for awhile. I have to go find Vivio for our daily sparring match. If it weren't for me, the woman would let her skills rust."

Ix waved goodbye as the older woman left, leaving the little girl alone with much to ponder.

x~~*~~x

"She's right," Nanoha agreed. "I don't know her as well as you do, having just met her yesterday, but I know where she is coming from. That's why I, or rather the Nanoha I was cloned from, decided to join the Bureau. In order to protect people from sadness."

Ix nodded. "I know. I learned a lot from Einhart-mama and Vivio-mama; and I'm grateful to them."

Something triggered in Nanoha's mind, and she felt compelled to ask a question. "I notice that sometimes you refer to Vivio and Einhart as mama, and sometimes you don't. Didn't they adopt you? Or do you not really see them as mothers?"

"It's actually a bit of an embarrassing story," Ix explained, her cheeks reddening a bit. "While Einhart's words about fighting to protect people had gotten me thinking, I didn't quite realize why I was still disturbed about the idea until a month later..."

x~~*~~x

"Oh, you were in here," Ix noted as she walked between the library bookshelves and noticed Vivio on a ladder, getting some books from the top shelf. "I didn't realize... I can leave and come back later."

Vivio turned and smiled. "Oh, you know you don't have to be that way. I have enough 'me time' as I want around here. I wouldn't mind some company. I was just confirming a few things so I can send a response back."

"Response?" Ix asked, curious.

Vivio nodded, walking out between the shelves and setting the books down on a table, while pulling a piece of paper from her pocket and handing it to Ix. "Every now and then we get a letter delivered from Lutecia. She lives far away, but is able to relay messages to us from Yuuno and Carim. I think I told you about them, but there is a picture of Lutecia in there."

Ix unfolded the note, not quite understanding the complex questions scrawled on them, but did see the picture. In it, one woman with faded purple hair sat in a chair, while another woman who greatly resembled the first stood behind her. Both were happily smiling at the camera, as if content with their lives.

"Which one is Lutecia?" Ix inquired.

"Oh, the one behind the chair," Vivio answered, sitting down and flipping through books, indicating for Ix to sit in the chair beside her. "The one in the chair is her mother, Megane, although she passed away a few years ago, so she lives there alone now."

Ix felt a sympathetic pang in her heart. "She's alone?"

"Well, she has her insect friends and she watches over Erio, so she's not totally alone," Vivio corrected, then smiled. "I'll take you to see them sometime; they'd love to meet you." She sat back, glancing upward as if seeing something far away. "Megane was a nice woman, I'm sure you would have liked her, too. Lutecia is much like her."

For some reason, Vivio's words made Ix's hands shake as she studied the picture embedded in the letter. [Why?]

"I never knew my mother," Ix stated quietly, still unable to raise her head. "I was taken from her when I was young and made into a weapon. Lutecia is lucky."

Vivio bit her lip, then reached out to place a hand on the young girl's shoulder, and said something that finally made Ix's head come up. "We're not all that different from you. Lutecia was taken from her mother and used as a weapon. While I'm a clone, I was taken from the mamas that had adopted me and used as a weapon. It's painful, not only being separated from those you love, but being used to hurt them and their friends."

Ix could see in Vivio's eyes that she spoke the truth; all these hundreds of years, and she saw a glimpse of kindred spirits.

Her head lowered again, hands still trembling. "But I never saw my mother again, and I never even knew my father. Every time I awoke I was used produce Mariage cores and kept under tight guard so I couldn't venture very far. The only time I saw the outside world was from windows in the castle, the land barren outside due to war. People kept sneaking into the castle to kill me, but instead were killed right in front of me. Did you experience any of that?"

Somewhere along the line, Ix began to absently wonder why her eyes felt a bit wet.

"No, I suppose not," Vivio admitted, switching her hand to Ix's back to rub lightly. "You never had a real childhood, did you? Always doing what other people wanted, and never what you wanted. I can only imagine part of what you must feel, since I was created from birth to be a weapon, to power the Cradle. It's not fair, is it?"

Unresisting, Ix let herself be pulled into Vivio's arms, her head against the woman's chest. "It's just the way things are. I accepted it long ago. I did what my country required of me, no matter much I hated it and no matter how tired I became, because that is what life was supposed to be."

"You had no choice," Vivio soothed, slowly stroking the girl's short hair. "And you never cried over it."

"Crying won't change anything," Ix countered, trying to force back the tears like she had done so many times before.

But then Vivio did something strange. She began to sing.

Let us offer up to the light that resides in our hearts,
an old tale of a country awaiting its awakening...
Our wishes become stars, which can see tomorrow...
My love, please wait for me...

Except Ix found she couldn't stop them this time. All the pent-up tears from hundreds of years of being used, from never having a family, from being confronted by war, bloodshed, and loss of friends, would finally be denied no more.

And Vivio continued to sing.

The profile of my destined one is standing in my mind's eye...
Let us ignite the light which protects our dreams...
The stars inform me to choose only one...
If the person I love calls me, I will change...

The floodgates were opened, and Ix found herself crying into Vivio's chest. From one perspective, it was all so stupid; why now? Why was she doing this? Why was she here? She didn't want to feel this way; she had accepted her fate already.

But why did she feel so comforted at the same time?

Let us shoulder the light of the priestess's life
upon our gracefully dancing wings of purity...
Go to sleep in the arms of the one you love,
who in order for you to become a star, should not have been born.

And that was it; as the song ended, she was confronted with the darkest fear in her heart: She never wanted to have been born in the first place. Before she met Subaru all those years ago, she had wanted to die, not so much for the pain and bloodshed her existence brought, but simply because she was tired of living altogether. Even though powerful cyborg with a big heart had convinced her not to and let her fall asleep with hope, that dark fear still remained. And then when she awoke and learned of Subaru's death and the wars that continued to plague the land, the hope in her heart had given way to darkness once more.

And that was why, she realized, she was scared of becoming close to people again. Why, despite the protected life they were giving her, young Ixpellia, the girl, was afraid it would be snatched away again. Afraid that even if she lived a normal life, it would all be gone again when she woke up from her next sleep. Afraid to get close to people she'd just lose, regardless of whether she fought and killed to protect them.

Gradually, she became aware of her position, which while comfortable in one respect, was becoming a bit uncomfortable in another and thus she pulled back. "I-I'm sorry. Your shirt is all wet and I shouldn't have done that. I don't know why I-"

"Shh, it's okay," Vivio soothed, still stroking the girl's hair, shifting Ix to the dry side of her shirt. "It's alright. My own mothers did this for me many times. No one can resist it; it's a secret technique passed down from mother to daughter designed to force you to release your burdens."

Ix gave up trying to resist. "Is the song part of it, too? I've never heard it before...."

"I found that one in a book in the Infinity Library long ago," Vivio recalled. "I'm not sure where it comes from, just that it was supposedly an important song to some far off planet. I've always liked the melody and the lyrics, though."

"It's very pretty," Ix agreed, now realizing why she felt so comfortable; the way she was being held brought back the vague feelings from before. "Mother...."

Vivio raised an eyebrow and smiled. "I know Einhart offered that we'd be your family, but does that mean you want me to be your mother?"

Ix quickly pulled back and waved her hands, embarrassed. "No no! I meant, for a moment there, I could almost feel the memory of being held by my mother." She paused, staring in wonder. "I almost thought I had lost that feeling...."

"It's nice, isn't it?" Vivio agreed, grinning. "I was twice blessed with Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama. Regardless of what else we've been through, I knew they loved me and were there for me as I was growing up. That's what they are there for, because we can't carry everything alone, and I get the feeling you've been carrying everything by yourself all this time."

It was the truth, so Ix didn't need to say it. She couldn't carry it anymore, and that's why she wanted to die; but Vivio was offering to help carry it with her, just like Subaru had offered. Yet, it still scared her, because she didn't want to lose someone like Subaru again; she discovered it was hard to really open oneself up and let another in, when ones entire life had spent considerable time convincing one that it wasn't possible.

Ix looked up into Vivio's kind, gentle eyes, accompanied by a warm smile and an outstretched hand. Biting her lip, Ix reached out and took that hand, and allowed herself to be pulled into another hug once more.

x~~*~~x

Nanoha couldn't help it, wiping a tear from her eye as the girl spoke honestly and earnestly about that moment, the wonder on her face as fresh as when she had worn it that day. "So you did decide to accept Vivio as a mother, then?"

Her face appeared a bit mischievous. "Not right then; I just accepted them as family. They would tease me about being their child from time to time, telling me to get ready for bed or threatening me with punishment because it did get a reaction out of me. I knew what they were doing, though: treating me like a child to force me to have the childhood I never had. Eventually I did end up calling them 'Vivio-mama' and 'Einhart-mama' once as a joke to get back at them, and I suppose it stuck, because I found myself liking being treated as a normal child. So, for now, I guess I'm content to be that. They taught me to how to have fun, and perhaps somewhere along the line, I do kinda see them as the kind mothers, even if we aren't actually related."

"It doesn't matter if you're related by blood or not," Nanoha agreed softly, realizing how important her words were to not just Ixpellia, but herself as well. "Regardless of where you come from, family is family, and a mother and daughter are a mother and daughter."

Ix stood up from her chair and stretched. "And I realized later that they were doing their best to protect me, and I wanted to protect them. So when I disocovered the prophecy six monthers later among their notes, I made the choice to produce Mariage on my own. They tried to talk me out of it, but I was firm; I wanted to use my power to secure peace if it could. Vivio admitted she had been researching ways to free me from the burden, but the best she could do was figure out a way for me to fuse with the control core, so that any Mariage I produced would always be under my power alone; never again could someone else use me." She tapped her chest to indicate where it was.

In that moment, Nanoha saw the strange dichotomy present that reminded her much of herself. Ix was both a young mature woman and a child, drawing strength and power from each side of herself. In fact, being a child allowed her to find that part of life that would give her the strength to be mature, and take control of her own destiny in order to protect those she cared about.

And then Nanoha reddened as her stomach rumbled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, we got talking for awhile and I forgot to tell you that Einhart-mama has prepared sandwhiches!" Ix declared, seemingly reverting to a more child-like state and holding her hand out. "Let's go, Nanoha-gramma!"

Nanoha couldn't help but smile at that, even knowing the girl who humoring her with the statement since none of them were related at all. But both had learned that in the context of family, that didn't matter one bit.

x~~*~~x

Fate glanced out the window of her second story office from a building her Enforcers had seized for government purposes. Below, the people of this small town on Supool mulled about on their daily routines under the watchful eye of Fate's Enforcers, unaware of the greater events beginning to swirl all around them. They had already been questioned, but none of them knew anything regarding the location of Nanoha, and now a week later, Fate was beginning to doubt she could find the clone of her old friend. Ever since Yuuno's house, there hadn't been so much as a sign of her and the Enforcer commander was starting to wonder if Hayate was wrong.

[Even if she is really Nanoha, would she come to me?] the thought came again. [Carim, Yuuno, and Shari seemed to be preparing her to fight against us. If she were really so important to them, would she even risk it? And what will I even say to her if I see her?]

The last question was the biggest worry on her mind; Nanoha had been the person to pull her from darkness and set her path on the right. Besides Arf and Linith, Nanoha had been her first real friend, who had constantly tried to reach out to her, despite Fate pushing her away.

Fate's hands clenched. [No, it was more than that; she kept trying despite me pushing her away. Arf and Linith knew me as I was before, but Nanoha befriended me despite how cold I was to her.]

And now the positions were reversed; Fate had to reach across to Nanoha and show her that fighting the Bureau was wrong, and that she was being led astray much like Fate was with Precia. Fate knew how obsessed Yuuno had become with bringing Nanoha back; that was also a reminder of her own mother, trying to bring back Alicia, which Fate knew was wrong. Even though that had resulted in her own birth, there were laws against it for a very good reason.

"Commander, we have some news for you," Captain Rai, her second-in-command declared from a just-opened holographic screen above her desk.

Fate turned around to address him. "Report."

"I'm at the main city detention center a hundred kilometers away," he disclosed, reading from a notebook. "And the local guards have passed on that they have finally caught a pair of bounty hunter mages that had been eluding capture. One of them claims to have seen Seikou."

The news made Fate's heart jump in her chest. "Details? Where? And how long ago?"

"According to what we've learned, it was several days ago on the Jalacia continent, which was overrun by the old Nature Preserve's animals many years ago," he explained. "They came across her while tracking a dragon and recognized her from the posters we've been putting up. They claimed to have caught her, but she escaped."

Fate's blood began pumping, giving her skin a tingle. "Organize the men and prepare to gather and move out. Find out everything you can, and then join us. We're going to search every inch of that continent."

He nodded. "Understood, I'll meet you there."

As the screen closed, Fate almost felt butterflies in her stomach, and a strange mix of both eagerness and dread; every inch of her believed that she was finally going to find Nanoha.

x~~*~~x

The two women took deep breaths and opened their eyes, taking several moments to adjust as they came out of virtual reality. Neither one of them could form words at the moment, but the two observers took care of that for me.

"Compared to what I remember fighting you, and your past battle footage, that was incredible," Vivio noted with awe.

"Einhart-mama got her butt handed to her," Ix giggled. "It's a good thing you fought in virtual reality; this cavern would never have survived."

The loser of the match reddened slightly. "I know we were planning to go all out this time, but I didn't expect half of what you did. And I was going almost full out near the end, while you still had some to give."

Nanoha appeared suitably embarrassed as well. "I didn't quite realize exactly how much Shari had tweaked Raging Heart, nor how much mana I could output fully now. While Blaster Two mode is safe enough for me to handle without any negative repercussions, Blaster Three is still a bit dangerous. And I still don't fully have the hang of Blaster Overdrive Mode."

"Still, once you went into it, I couldn't keep up," Einhart admitted, sighing. "I think I might have to get Lutecia to further modify my device. I learned a lot from this latest match from you, and I think I can incorporate a few things into my Kaiser Arts."

Well, that will have to wait for now," Vivio declared, suddenly turning serious. "Some news arrived while you two were in there, and you should know about it."

Einhart's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong? I recognize the look on your face, so it can only mean...."

As she trailed off, Vivio brought up a large holographic map of the area. "We've just received an urgent letter from Lutecia, so I checked the detection grid to be sure. But there are Enforcer's in the forest, and they are slowly working their way here to the mountain range where we're hidden. And what's more, Lutecia's bugs confirmed they are being led by Fate."

"Fate-chan..." Nanoha breathed softly, her eyes fixed on the large golden dot movingly slowly on the map. "It's my fault. Like I told you before, I knew those two bounty hunters would inform the Bureau."

"We still have time," Vivio explained. "They're spread out and moving very slowly, checking everything, so it'll be several days before they get close and we're well hidden. We can seal up the hole temporarily and lower our power output and life-support to minimal levels. With a little luck, they'll pass right over us. The minerals in the rocks have some natural AMF properties, which further shields us."

"It's still possible they might detect us," Einhart countered, taking off her VR headset and standing up. "And we still have a little over a month until we move out for the assault on Clanagan. I'll head out and lead them away; I can transform into Nanoha and flee the continent. Keeping them chasing me for a month won't be too hard. It's imperative that neither you nor Ix be found. You know I'm right."

Vivio's hands clenched at her sides. "No, I really think we should just lay low. We've lasted this long without being found, so-"

"No, I'll go," Nanoha stated firmly, standing up as well. "She's after me. If Einhart gets caught, it will clue Fate in that you are here. If Fate just finds me, then she'll have no real reason to stay and you'll be safe."

"We can't let you be captured, either!" Vivio protested. "You're just as important here."

"I won't be captured if I can help it," Nanoha stated, her voice full of conviction. "But I do need to confront Fate. We were very close before, and I owe her a talk. If we can't work things out..." Nanoha activated Raging Heart, forming the full Exceed mode spear in her hand.

Nanoha shook her head. "We've had this talk before. Vivio could just as easily be the person who returned from the grave; after all, a lot of people think she's dead. And if I do fail to stop Fate and they keep searching, then you'll be needed to go in my stead." Her voice softened considerably. "Besides, I owe her this. Our last meeting wasn't the best, and perhaps I can get through to her and gain her help changing the Bureau."

"I don't think that's possible," Vivio said sadly, her gaze dropping, and Nanoha was struck by the sadness in her voice. "Ever since I... killed... Arf, she's been pretty firmly on the Bureau's side. She feels I was brainwashed by the Church, and I don't blame her. Maybe I have been."

Nanoha returned Raging Heart to its jewel while walking over and placing her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "Hey, I know you. You haven't been brainwashed, and I don't think Fate really believes that, either. I'll get through to her somehow. And Arf wasn't your fault; she died doing what she thought was right, just as you fought doing what you thought was right."

Vivio looked up into her mother's eyes, then hugged the woman tightly. "Promise me."

The song that Vivio sings is known as "Hoshi ga Kanaderu Monogatari" or in English "The Story that the Stars Sing." It comes from My Otome, a song that is sung by a few individuals over the course of the story. I found it very touching, and is used much the same way here, as it is in that series. If you haven't watched My Otome, I'd suggest doing so (although you might want to fully watch Mai HiME first). Both series really twist the magical girl genre into interesting avenues, like Nanoha does, but in their own unique ways.

Lastly, for those waiting for the long awaited Nanoha/Fate meeting, be here next time for "Bound by Fate." Was originally going to be Family, Part 3, but I like the other title better.^^

/puts on flame suit along with baseball catcher pads, facemask, and gear

I won't go into the right or wrong of the situation much. But although I'm a big "personal responsibility" guy, there are times when mental duress will override any sensibilities and cause one to do things they normally wouldn't. Perhaps not to the point of total blamelessness, but covering a decent amount of it.

Anyway, without further ado, I think I'll stoke the flames of my own mini-controversy, heh.

Future Tense

Chapter 20: Family, Part 2

In which Nanoha learns about Ix, and someone else learns about Nanoha...

Chapters 1 thru 18 can be found here.
Chapter 19 (not yet posted to ff.net) can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 20: Family, Part 2:

MGLN: Future Tense
Chapter 20: Family, Part 2

Xx~~*~~xX

At first glance, it was a perfectly normal scene one might find during a nice summer day a young woman, sitting alone on a lounge chair on the patio, eyes closed as if napping. And the young girl observing the grown woman had wondered if that was indeed the case, and so sat down to study the person who had been introduced as Vivio's mother.

She didn't look old enough to be a grandmother, and indeed, Vivio was much older biologically. But Ixpellia had understood the exact circumstances behind this new person's arrival, and due to her own issues, she knew not to take age in the exact sense. Also, she had heard stories and seen videos of the mage this woman was cloned from, and thus had a fairly good idea of what she was like; much like the Vivio she had come to know the past couple of years, it turned out.

Distracted by her own thoughts, Ix didn't notice Nanoha crack an eye open until the woman spoke in a pleasant tone. "Hello there."

Ix studied the small jewel hanging from the cord around Nanoha's neck, now cupped in the owner's hand. "Virtual reality training? Vivio and Einhart do that all the time, and I join them sometimes, but I'm not very good. What are you training for?"

"Apparently some extra combat functions were added, and I wanted to use this month to get familiar with them, as well as maintain my edge," Nanoha replied, then smiled. "But you train with Vivio?"

She blushed a little in embarrassment, and perhaps a little sadness. "I'm not that good. Because of the way my body is modified, I can't use any magic. All the mana my linker cores takes in is dedicated to mariage core production. So I can use some Strike Arts, but nowhere near their strength."

The tone and emotion behind the words made Nanoha pause, and reach across to lay a hand on top of the younger girl's. Vivio had explained everything behind the mariage incident which took place a couple years after Nanoha had passed away; about how a man named Toredia and a woman named Runessa had found a sleeping Ixpellia, and used her to manufacture mariages with which to attack and kill people, in order to spread the pain they felt over their homeland of Orussia being embroiled in civil war.

"I heard all about it," Nanoha offered sympathetically. "About how you were used, both back in Belkan days and in more recent history. Are you really okay with what you are doing? Producing these soldiers for war? You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

The young girl was silent for a moment, glancing down into her lap. "They said the same thing. I don't really like war, nor the killing and death I cause whenever I wake up, and when I woke up two years ago, it was the last thing I would have wanted to do...."

x~~*~~x

"Who are you?" were the first words out of her mouth upon coming out of her stasis-like sleep and taking notice of the older woman sitting near by.

"You don't recognize me, Ix?" the older woman replied, then smiled sadly while looking at her hands. "Wait, I suppose you might not."

Ixpellia took a closer look, but still in the dark as to the identity until she noticed the eyes: one green, and one red. "I think... I talked with you once before... Vivio? How long was I asleep?"

"About 45 years or so," Vivio replied, helping the younger girl sit up. "Do you want some food or something?"

Her head dropped a little bit in embarrassment as her stomach rumbled. "I think so. 45 years? At least I should be grateful I can see you and my friends again." Her head came back up. "Where is Subaru?"

Now it was Vivio's turn to lower her head slightly, but reached out to place a hand on the girl's. "There will be a lot to take in, but I won't hold anything back. I'm sorry, but she died many years ago."

In what was to be the first of many such instances, an almost overwhelming burden of sadness welled up within her. "I see...."

Feeling a little numb, she let Vivio help her out of bed and get her dressed, before taking her downstairs for a meal. She ate quietly, Vivio nearby but not making her presence overbearing, just enough to let Ix know she was there if needed. The young girl was grateful for that, even if she didn't fully feel it at the time, as her questions about the state of the world and her friends piled more and more sadness upon her. The only bright spot was a promise that she was safe, wouldn't have to endure producing any Mariage, which she had to admit she was fearful of doing, given the way the world supposedly was.

Eventually, she put her fork down on her nearly empty plate, her head lowered. "I see. There was more war, and more death. And still no peace like Subaru promised. No matter how long I sleep, nothing ever changes. People still kill each other and friends still die."

"There will always be those that kill, but that is why we fight," came a new voice, which brought Ixpellia's head up in curiosity.

Vivio introduced the new woman, who sat down on the other side of the table while giving the young girl a smile and a nod. "Oh, this is Einhart Stratos. She lives here with me, and has been helping me take care of you while you were asleep."

Ix stared at Einhart, absently noting that her eyes were different colors like Vivio's. "Why do we have to fight at all? If we do, it just brings more war and death!"

"War and death will come anyway," Einhart argued back in a calm voice. "If we stood by and did nothing, more of our friends die, but by fighting we can protect them. If you lack the strength to protect those you care about, you will lose them."

"No..." Ix whispered, pushing her chair back as tears appeared in her eyes as the horrible memories of war and death passed unbidden through her mind. "NO!"

"Ix!" Vivio called as the little girl took off running out of the dining room.

x~~*~~x

"I didn't understand, then, the real reasons behind her words," Ix continued, glancing off into the horizon while Nanoha listened patiently behind her. "All I knew was that people had died again that I cared about. Throughout my waking memories, it has been the same story; I wake up to find war, death, and people I knew long gone. Even back when I was first born and later taken from my family to be used as a weapon of war."

"I can't imagine what it must have been liked, but in a way, I'm like you," Nanoha told her softly, which made the young girl turn her head to stare. "I'm a clone that was created for a specific purpose, and lately it seems people die because of me. I find it hard to go on sometimes, but I want to protect those precious to me."

"Despite the pain it can cause, you go on because it would cause more pain if you didn't," Ixpellia concluded softly, her eyes lowering.

Nanoha nodded. "It sounds like you've had the same thoughts and feelings."

Ix returned to gazing out into the horizon. "It took me a long time to understand...."

x~~*~~x

For a couple months afterward, Ix tried to go about her days normally. Vivio and Einhart were quick to reassure her she would never be used as a weapon again, that the reason for their being here was to keep her hidden and allow her to live a life where no one could take advantage of her ability for death ever again. And to a degree, that did help; knowing that she wouldn't have to produce cores did help relieve some of the burden she normally felt upon waking.

But that still didn't remove the sense of loneliness, nor the fear that she might still be used as a weapon. What happened when she fell asleep again, and woke up? Vivio and Einhart would be long gone by then, and there would always be wars. What guarantee would she have that she wouldn't be used again?

[I should be happy that I can just live, so why don't I feel that way?] she wondered to herself. [There's been no pressure, and those two have gone out of their way to make me comfortable. So why...?]

"You look like someone with a lot on their mind," came Einhart's voice as the older woman sat down next to her on the edge of the patio to gaze out at the sunset with the little girl. "Are you sure you would not like to learn some Strike Arts?"

There was a moment of silence that made Ix keenly aware of the unsettling feeling she always got around Einhart; she realized she had been running from it for awhile, but knew she had to confront it. "Why do you choose to fight? I heard from Vivio how you two fought in the war, but you also seem to really like fighting."

"I want to know how strong I am," Einhart replied simply. "To be the best that I can be."

"But why fighting?" Ix persisted, turning to look up at the woman, noting the stoic resolve that was ever-present. "Isn't there something else more peaceful you could do?"

"To protect those I care about," Einhart answered with just as much ease, then looked down to give the girl a sad smile. "I also understand how your life has gone, and how you were involved in war and used a producer of weapons every time you awakened; that could not have been pleasant. I carry some of the will and memories of one of my ancestors, Claus Ingvalt, a rarity in my family which made me somewhat special. Because of that, I also carry some of his regret; he wasn't strong enough and thus someone he cared for very much died. I understood how he felt, and didn't want to feel that way myself. There will always be those that threaten war, but with strength, you can at least protect those you care about."

Ix's gaze lowered. "I suppose I can understand that, but I'm weak. I can't use any magic to strengthen my body like you and Vivio can."

"Strength is not only physical power, but also will and heart," Einhart explained, placing a hand over her chest for emphasis. "To not give up, even when things look bad, but fight in your own way. If you can do that, you can secure the peace that we all desire. In essence, we fight so that we don't have to fight."

"I think I can understand that, but I am not as strong as you two," The little girl admitted, glancing down into the grass and absently swinging her legs a little. "Even if I wanted to, there is nothing I can do."

Einhart's lips turned upward in a wry smile. "You know, when I first came to understand the foreign feelings and memories I possessed, I went out on my own to challenge others, seeking the current Sainkt Kaiser and the Dark Queen Ixpellia. I didn't know too much about you then, only your reputation through Claus's memories. That you were a powerful queen with power over life and death. I know how that it was merely the spreading of rumors for the effect of fear, but it did serve to make some Belkan countries not want to go to war with your home planet of Galea. The very strength of your reputation kept some measure of peace, but that was also why I wanted to seek you out. I wanted to defeat the strongest opponents who might threaten peace."

Ix hugged her body. "I know all about my reputation. A couple of the nobles that looked over me took delight in telling me how everyone was afraid of me, that the mention of my name brought fear. I didn't want that. I wanted people to like me, not be afraid of me."

Einhart placed a hand on the little girl's shoulder, getting her attention and giving her a confident smile. "But that is your strength. Not even Claus or the Sankt Kaiser could generate that level of terror in the hearts of their enemies. In the past, your power was used by others, but that is why I train so that my power will only be used by me in the manner I choose. And I choose to wield it only to protect those I care about."

"Like Vivio?" Ix inquired while looking up at the other woman, unexpectedly curious; there was something inside her, a disquiet she had been aware of for some time, and now she suddenly felt close to figuring out why. "I haven't heard about your family."

"Vivio is my main family now, but I consider you a part of it as well," Einhart stated with a comforting smile, glancing off into the sunset again. "My mother died when I was young, and my earliest memories of my father are of him teaching me Kaiser Arts, but he passed away when I was young and so I struck out on my own. As the last practitioner of Kaiser Arts, I wanted to prove their worth, and so I needed to test myself against the best opponents. But then I ran into Vivio and her friends, and they taught me that real strength comes from protecting those you care about. They are my family now."

Ix's face dropped again as she narrowed in on her feelings of discontent. "I hardly remember my family. It seems so long ago... I only have vague feelings of my mother holding me, and I never knew my father, or if I had any brothers or sisters. Subaru was the first time I felt like I might have someone special to care about, but she's gone now, too. Everyone I know will die, while I live on."

Once again, Ix found Einhart's firm, yet gentle hand on her shoulder. "Then we shall be your family. And when we leave here, I will introduce you to more friends and family than you could ever count. If that is what you would like."

Ix remembered having a discussion with Subaru before she went to sleep, where she had realized that she could change herself, and that's what she had set her heart to do before going into stasis. The realization was that one had to change oneself first, before one could change their circumstances; but there was still something holding her back.

Ix bit her lip. "I'll... think about it."

Einhart gave one of her rare full smiles, and gently slapped Ix on the back before standing up. "Good. Think about that for awhile. I have to go find Vivio for our daily sparring match. If it weren't for me, the woman would let her skills rust."

Ix waved goodbye as the older woman left, leaving the little girl alone with much to ponder.

x~~*~~x

"She's right," Nanoha agreed. "I don't know her as well as you do, having just met her yesterday, but I know where she is coming from. That's why I, or rather the Nanoha I was cloned from, decided to join the Bureau. In order to protect people from sadness."

Ix nodded. "I know. I learned a lot from Einhart-mama and Vivio-mama; and I'm grateful to them."

Something triggered in Nanoha's mind, and she felt compelled to ask a question. "I notice that sometimes you refer to Vivio and Einhart as mama, and sometimes you don't. Didn't they adopt you? Or do you not really see them as mothers?"

"It's actually a bit of an embarrassing story," Ix explained, her cheeks reddening a bit. "While Einhart's words about fighting to protect people had gotten me thinking, I didn't quite realize why I was still disturbed about the idea until a month later..."

x~~*~~x

"Oh, you were in here," Ix noted as she walked between the library bookshelves and noticed Vivio on a ladder, getting some books from the top shelf. "I didn't realize... I can leave and come back later."

Vivio turned and smiled. "Oh, you know you don't have to be that way. I have enough 'me time' as I want around here. I wouldn't mind some company. I was just confirming a few things so I can send a response back."

"Response?" Ix asked, curious.

Vivio nodded, walking out between the shelves and setting the books down on a table, while pulling a piece of paper from her pocket and handing it to Ix. "Every now and then we get a letter delivered from Lutecia. She lives far away, but is able to relay messages to us from Yuuno and Carim. I think I told you about them, but there is a picture of Lutecia in there."

Ix unfolded the note, not quite understanding the complex questions scrawled on them, but did see the picture. In it, one woman with faded purple hair sat in a chair, while another woman who greatly resembled the first stood behind her. Both were happily smiling at the camera, as if content with their lives.

"Which one is Lutecia?" Ix inquired.

"Oh, the one behind the chair," Vivio answered, sitting down and flipping through books, indicating for Ix to sit in the chair beside her. "The one in the chair is her mother, Megane, although she passed away a few years ago, so she lives there alone now."

Ix felt a sympathetic pang in her heart. "She's alone?"

"Well, she has her insect friends and she watches over Erio, so she's not totally alone," Vivio corrected, then smiled. "I'll take you to see them sometime; they'd love to meet you." She sat back, glancing upward as if seeing something far away. "Megane was a nice woman, I'm sure you would have liked her, too. Lutecia is much like her."

For some reason, Vivio's words made Ix's hands shake as she studied the picture embedded in the letter. [Why?]

"I never knew my mother," Ix stated quietly, still unable to raise her head. "I was taken from her when I was young and made into a weapon. Lutecia is lucky."

Vivio bit her lip, then reached out to place a hand on the young girl's shoulder, and said something that finally made Ix's head come up. "We're not all that different from you. Lutecia was taken from her mother and used as a weapon. While I'm a clone, I was taken from the mamas that had adopted me and used as a weapon. It's painful, not only being separated from those you love, but being used to hurt them and their friends."

Ix could see in Vivio's eyes that she spoke the truth; all these hundreds of years, and she saw a glimpse of kindred spirits.

Her head lowered again, hands still trembling. "But I never saw my mother again, and I never even knew my father. Every time I awoke I was used produce Mariage cores and kept under tight guard so I couldn't venture very far. The only time I saw the outside world was from windows in the castle, the land barren outside due to war. People kept sneaking into the castle to kill me, but instead were killed right in front of me. Did you experience any of that?"

Somewhere along the line, Ix began to absently wonder why her eyes felt a bit wet.

"No, I suppose not," Vivio admitted, switching her hand to Ix's back to rub lightly. "You never had a real childhood, did you? Always doing what other people wanted, and never what you wanted. I can only imagine part of what you must feel, since I was created from birth to be a weapon, to power the Cradle. It's not fair, is it?"

Unresisting, Ix let herself be pulled into Vivio's arms, her head against the woman's chest. "It's just the way things are. I accepted it long ago. I did what my country required of me, no matter much I hated it and no matter how tired I became, because that is what life was supposed to be."

"You had no choice," Vivio soothed, slowly stroking the girl's short hair. "And you never cried over it."

"Crying won't change anything," Ix countered, trying to force back the tears like she had done so many times before.

But then Vivio did something strange. She began to sing.

Let us offer up to the light that resides in our hearts,
an old tale of a country awaiting its awakening...
Our wishes become stars, which can see tomorrow...
My love, please wait for me...

Except Ix found she couldn't stop them this time. All the pent-up tears from hundreds of years of being used, from never having a family, from being confronted by war, bloodshed, and loss of friends, would finally be denied no more.

And Vivio continued to sing.

The profile of my destined one is standing in my mind's eye...
Let us ignite the light which protects our dreams...
The stars inform me to choose only one...
If the person I love calls me, I will change...

The floodgates were opened, and Ix found herself crying into Vivio's chest. From one perspective, it was all so stupid; why now? Why was she doing this? Why was she here? She didn't want to feel this way; she had accepted her fate already.

But why did she feel so comforted at the same time?

Let us shoulder the light of the priestess's life
upon our gracefully dancing wings of purity...
Go to sleep in the arms of the one you love,
who in order for you to become a star, should not have been born.

And that was it; as the song ended, she was confronted with the darkest fear in her heart: She never wanted to have been born in the first place. Before she met Subaru all those years ago, she had wanted to die, not so much for the pain and bloodshed her existence brought, but simply because she was tired of living altogether. Even though powerful cyborg with a big heart had convinced her not to and let her fall asleep with hope, that dark fear still remained. And then when she awoke and learned of Subaru's death and the wars that continued to plague the land, the hope in her heart had given way to darkness once more.

And that was why, she realized, she was scared of becoming close to people again. Why, despite the protected life they were giving her, young Ixpellia, the girl, was afraid it would be snatched away again. Afraid that even if she lived a normal life, it would all be gone again when she woke up from her next sleep. Afraid to get close to people she'd just lose, regardless of whether she fought and killed to protect them.

Gradually, she became aware of her position, which while comfortable in one respect, was becoming a bit uncomfortable in another and thus she pulled back. "I-I'm sorry. Your shirt is all wet and I shouldn't have done that. I don't know why I-"

"Shh, it's okay," Vivio soothed, still stroking the girl's hair, shifting Ix to the dry side of her shirt. "It's alright. My own mothers did this for me many times. No one can resist it; it's a secret technique passed down from mother to daughter designed to force you to release your burdens."

Ix gave up trying to resist. "Is the song part of it, too? I've never heard it before...."

"I found that one in a book in the Infinity Library long ago," Vivio recalled. "I'm not sure where it comes from, just that it was supposedly an important song to some far off planet. I've always liked the melody and the lyrics, though."

"It's very pretty," Ix agreed, now realizing why she felt so comfortable; the way she was being held brought back the vague feelings from before. "Mother...."

Vivio raised an eyebrow and smiled. "I know Einhart offered that we'd be your family, but does that mean you want me to be your mother?"

Ix quickly pulled back and waved her hands, embarrassed. "No no! I meant, for a moment there, I could almost feel the memory of being held by my mother." She paused, staring in wonder. "I almost thought I had lost that feeling...."

"It's nice, isn't it?" Vivio agreed, grinning. "I was twice blessed with Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama. Regardless of what else we've been through, I knew they loved me and were there for me as I was growing up. That's what they are there for, because we can't carry everything alone, and I get the feeling you've been carrying everything by yourself all this time."

It was the truth, so Ix didn't need to say it. She couldn't carry it anymore, and that's why she wanted to die; but Vivio was offering to help carry it with her, just like Subaru had offered. Yet, it still scared her, because she didn't want to lose someone like Subaru again; she discovered it was hard to really open oneself up and let another in, when ones entire life had spent considerable time convincing one that it wasn't possible.

Ix looked up into Vivio's kind, gentle eyes, accompanied by a warm smile and an outstretched hand. Biting her lip, Ix reached out and took that hand, and allowed herself to be pulled into another hug once more.

x~~*~~x

Nanoha couldn't help it, wiping a tear from her eye as the girl spoke honestly and earnestly about that moment, the wonder on her face as fresh as when she had worn it that day. "So you did decide to accept Vivio as a mother, then?"

Her face appeared a bit mischievous. "Not right then; I just accepted them as family. They would tease me about being their child from time to time, telling me to get ready for bed or threatening me with punishment because it did get a reaction out of me. I knew what they were doing, though: treating me like a child to force me to have the childhood I never had. Eventually I did end up calling them 'Vivio-mama' and 'Einhart-mama' once as a joke to get back at them, and I suppose it stuck, because I found myself liking being treated as a normal child. So, for now, I guess I'm content to be that. They taught me to how to have fun, and perhaps somewhere along the line, I do kinda see them as the kind mothers, even if we aren't actually related."

"It doesn't matter if you're related by blood or not," Nanoha agreed softly, realizing how important her words were to not just Ixpellia, but herself as well. "Regardless of where you come from, family is family, and a mother and daughter are a mother and daughter."

Ix stood up from her chair and stretched. "And I realized later that they were doing their best to protect me, and I wanted to protect them. So when I disocovered the prophecy six monthers later among their notes, I made the choice to produce Mariage on my own. They tried to talk me out of it, but I was firm; I wanted to use my power to secure peace if it could. Vivio admitted she had been researching ways to free me from the burden, but the best she could do was figure out a way for me to fuse with the control core, so that any Mariage I produced would always be under my power alone; never again could someone else use me." She tapped her chest to indicate where it was.

In that moment, Nanoha saw the strange dichotomy present that reminded her much of herself. Ix was both a young mature woman and a child, drawing strength and power from each side of herself. In fact, being a child allowed her to find that part of life that would give her the strength to be mature, and take control of her own destiny in order to protect those she cared about.

And then Nanoha reddened as her stomach rumbled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, we got talking for awhile and I forgot to tell you that Einhart-mama has prepared sandwhiches!" Ix declared, seemingly reverting to a more child-like state and holding her hand out. "Let's go, Nanoha-gramma!"

Nanoha couldn't help but smile at that, even knowing the girl who humoring her with the statement since none of them were related at all. But both had learned that in the context of family, that didn't matter one bit.

x~~*~~x

Fate glanced out the window of her second story office from a building her Enforcers had seized for government purposes. Below, the people of this small town on Supool mulled about on their daily routines under the watchful eye of Fate's Enforcers, unaware of the greater events beginning to swirl all around them. They had already been questioned, but none of them knew anything regarding the location of Nanoha, and now a week later, Fate was beginning to doubt she could find the clone of her old friend. Ever since Yuuno's house, there hadn't been so much as a sign of her and the Enforcer commander was starting to wonder if Hayate was wrong.

[Even if she is really Nanoha, would she come to me?] the thought came again. [Carim, Yuuno, and Shari seemed to be preparing her to fight against us. If she were really so important to them, would she even risk it? And what will I even say to her if I see her?]

The last question was the biggest worry on her mind; Nanoha had been the person to pull her from darkness and set her path on the right. Besides Arf and Linith, Nanoha had been her first real friend, who had constantly tried to reach out to her, despite Fate pushing her away.

Fate's hands clenched. [No, it was more than that; she kept trying despite me pushing her away. Arf and Linith knew me as I was before, but Nanoha befriended me despite how cold I was to her.]

And now the positions were reversed; Fate had to reach across to Nanoha and show her that fighting the Bureau was wrong, and that she was being led astray much like Fate was with Precia. Fate knew how obsessed Yuuno had become with bringing Nanoha back; that was also a reminder of her own mother, trying to bring back Alicia, which Fate knew was wrong. Even though that had resulted in her own birth, there were laws against it for a very good reason.

"Commander, we have some news for you," Captain Rai, her second-in-command declared from a just-opened holographic screen above her desk.

Fate turned around to address him. "Report."

"I'm at the main city detention center a hundred kilometers away," he disclosed, reading from a notebook. "And the local guards have passed on that they have finally caught a pair of bounty hunter mages that had been eluding capture. One of them claims to have seen Seikou."

The news made Fate's heart jump in her chest. "Details? Where? And how long ago?"

"According to what we've learned, it was several days ago on the Jalacia continent, which was overrun by the old Nature Preserve's animals many years ago," he explained. "They came across her while tracking a dragon and recognized her from the posters we've been putting up. They claimed to have caught her, but she escaped."

Fate's blood began pumping, giving her skin a tingle. "Organize the men and prepare to gather and move out. Find out everything you can, and then join us. We're going to search every inch of that continent."

He nodded. "Understood, I'll meet you there."

As the screen closed, Fate almost felt butterflies in her stomach, and a strange mix of both eagerness and dread; every inch of her believed that she was finally going to find Nanoha.

x~~*~~x

The two women took deep breaths and opened their eyes, taking several moments to adjust as they came out of virtual reality. Neither one of them could form words at the moment, but the two observers took care of that for me.

"Compared to what I remember fighting you, and your past battle footage, that was incredible," Vivio noted with awe.

"Einhart-mama got her butt handed to her," Ix giggled. "It's a good thing you fought in virtual reality; this cavern would never have survived."

The loser of the match reddened slightly. "I know we were planning to go all out this time, but I didn't expect half of what you did. And I was going almost full out near the end, while you still had some to give."

Nanoha appeared suitably embarrassed as well. "I didn't quite realize exactly how much Shari had tweaked Raging Heart, nor how much mana I could output fully now. While Blaster Two mode is safe enough for me to handle without any negative repercussions, Blaster Three is still a bit dangerous. And I still don't fully have the hang of Blaster Overdrive Mode."

"Still, once you went into it, I couldn't keep up," Einhart admitted, sighing. "I think I might have to get Lutecia to further modify my device. I learned a lot from this latest match from you, and I think I can incorporate a few things into my Kaiser Arts."

Well, that will have to wait for now," Vivio declared, suddenly turning serious. "Some news arrived while you two were in there, and you should know about it."

Einhart's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong? I recognize the look on your face, so it can only mean...."

As she trailed off, Vivio brought up a large holographic map of the area. "We've just received an urgent letter from Lutecia, so I checked the detection grid to be sure. But there are Enforcer's in the forest, and they are slowly working their way here to the mountain range where we're hidden. And what's more, Lutecia's bugs confirmed they are being led by Fate."

"Fate-chan..." Nanoha breathed softly, her eyes fixed on the large golden dot movingly slowly on the map. "It's my fault. Like I told you before, I knew those two bounty hunters would inform the Bureau."

"We still have time," Vivio explained. "They're spread out and moving very slowly, checking everything, so it'll be several days before they get close and we're well hidden. We can seal up the hole temporarily and lower our power output and life-support to minimal levels. With a little luck, they'll pass right over us. The minerals in the rocks have some natural AMF properties, which further shields us."

"It's still possible they might detect us," Einhart countered, taking off her VR headset and standing up. "And we still have a little over a month until we move out for the assault on Clanagan. I'll head out and lead them away; I can transform into Nanoha and flee the continent. Keeping them chasing me for a month won't be too hard. It's imperative that neither you nor Ix be found. You know I'm right."

Vivio's hands clenched at her sides. "No, I really think we should just lay low. We've lasted this long without being found, so-"

"No, I'll go," Nanoha stated firmly, standing up as well. "She's after me. If Einhart gets caught, it will clue Fate in that you are here. If Fate just finds me, then she'll have no real reason to stay and you'll be safe."

"We can't let you be captured, either!" Vivio protested. "You're just as important here."

"I won't be captured if I can help it," Nanoha stated, her voice full of conviction. "But I do need to confront Fate. We were very close before, and I owe her a talk. If we can't work things out..." Nanoha activated Raging Heart, forming the full Exceed mode spear in her hand.

Nanoha shook her head. "We've had this talk before. Vivio could just as easily be the person who returned from the grave; after all, a lot of people think she's dead. And if I do fail to stop Fate and they keep searching, then you'll be needed to go in my stead." Her voice softened considerably. "Besides, I owe her this. Our last meeting wasn't the best, and perhaps I can get through to her and gain her help changing the Bureau."

"I don't think that's possible," Vivio said sadly, her gaze dropping, and Nanoha was struck by the sadness in her voice. "Ever since I... killed... Arf, she's been pretty firmly on the Bureau's side. She feels I was brainwashed by the Church, and I don't blame her. Maybe I have been."

Nanoha returned Raging Heart to its jewel while walking over and placing her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "Hey, I know you. You haven't been brainwashed, and I don't think Fate really believes that, either. I'll get through to her somehow. And Arf wasn't your fault; she died doing what she thought was right, just as you fought doing what you thought was right."

Vivio looked up into her mother's eyes, then hugged the woman tightly. "Promise me."

The song that Vivio sings is known as "Hoshi ga Kanaderu Monogatari" or in English "The Story that the Stars Sing." It comes from My Otome, a song that is sung by a few individuals over the course of the story. I found it very touching, and is used much the same way here, as it is in that series. If you haven't watched My Otome, I'd suggest doing so (although you might want to fully watch Mai HiME first). Both series really twist the magical girl genre into interesting avenues, like Nanoha does, but in their own unique ways.

Lastly, for those waiting for the long awaited Nanoha/Fate meeting, be here next time for "Bound by Fate." Was originally going to be Family, Part 3, but I like the other title better.^^

/puts on flame suit along with baseball catcher pads, facemask, and gear

Hit me!

'Bound by Fate'... So Fate is going to use a lot of bindings in the fight?

So, for the fight... Nanoha doesn't know everything that Raging Heart can do and Fate has more experience. That sounds more and more like the S1 fight the more this go. If Nanoha want to win this, she'll either have to do something unlike her, something Fate will never expect... Or Fate gets 'Bound by Nanoha' before she receives a rebefriending.

__________________

I hate sad and bittersweet endings. Why? Because I think the real world is sad enough as it is. Must our stories be sad too?

I won't go into the right or wrong of the situation much. But although I'm a big "personal responsibility" guy, there are times when mental duress will override any sensibilities and cause one to do things they normally wouldn't. Perhaps not to the point of total blamelessness, but covering a decent amount of it.

Anyway, without further ado, I think I'll stoke the flames of my own mini-controversy, heh.

Future Tense

Chapter 20: Family, Part 2

In which Nanoha learns about Ix, and someone else learns about Nanoha...

Chapters 1 thru 18 can be found here.
Chapter 19 (not yet posted to ff.net) can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 20: Family, Part 2:

disocovered the prophecy six monthers

should be

discovered the prophecy six months

and

it's "sandwich"

and

marriage has 2 "r"s, not 1.

/puts on flame suit along with baseball catcher pads, facemask, and gear