Tuesday, May 18, 2010

NIGHT OF THE DAWN OF THE DAY OF THE SHITTY REMAKE

Romero has been fucking up his legacy for some time now. Slumped over in some assisted living center he has gone from making the greatest and most prolific zombie movies of all time to some of the worst the world has ever seen. From the ultra-shit Land of the Dead to even-more-ultra-mega-shit Diary of the Dead to the all-encompassing-ultra-mega-shitiness of Survival of the Dead, Ol' Georgie has been ruining his cred more than a zombie ruins it's own pants. So why not then crawl onto the 3D band wagon to remake a great movie made by another once great director, Dario Argento, who has also been kicking himself in the legacy nards with a "should have ended years ago" career? (La Terza Madre, Giallo)

I read today that George Romero is slated to direct a remake of Dario Argento's Deep Red in 3D. The result of this geriatric collaboration will be like a gigantic vampire turd positioned between two circus mirrors so it's unholy reflection with multiply it's own stink into infinity. We are already going to have to bear the upcoming remake of Suspiria so what's left? When will the remaking end? When will original content come back to cinema? Was it ever there? Why am I so angry? Should I move out of my parents house? These are all valid questions. I guess they'll run out of stuff to remake eventually. We'll probably have spaceships and sex robots by then so who cares. But for now all we can do is bitch and moan and contradict ourselves when we (I) shell out $12 to see this shit in the theater.