Were you one of those people who was always up in the grocery store with your husband or whatever saying "No dear trust me this POM juice is definitely worth $69.99 for this eight-ounce serving because, honey, listen, it is so amazing for your health, I read about it, trust me." WERE YOU? Well, you were wrong, unsurprisingly, and now the whole world will know about it.

The FTC is finally, at long last, forcing POM to stop making, let us say, exaggerated claims about what its juice that will stain any surface forever will do for you. We are now going to paste the very first sentence of the WSJ's story on this topic, and allow you to infer everything else: "Federal regulators on Wednesday released their final ruling against POM Wonderful LLC, makers of a popular pomegranate juice, saying ads for the juice such as one headlined 'Cheat death' made misleading claims about the drink's health benefits."

Cheat Death. Can this plastic bottle of juice "cheat death?" "Haha, that's ridiculous, nobody actually takes that seriously," say the POM apologists. Well then WHY DID YOU BUY IT, IT'S SO FREAKING EXPENSIVE? It only tastes about 12% better than grape juice. You ordered those magical butt-toning shoes too, didn't you? Are you shaking your head at yourself right now? You should be. Pomegranate juice. Come on.