What I never figured out was why Mary Kay has its own police force. So, with the pink hordes gathered in Dallas for the annual Mary Kay seminar, and with Harper's takedown of the "pink pyramid scheme" on newsstands, I thought it a worthy to revisit some of questions I've been wondering about. Here's a short list:

What does Mary Kay Protective Services do? Are their guns pink? How many people have they killed? What about with their bare hands? If you get arrested for stealing Mary Kay products, what happens to you in the pen? What percentage of the Mary Kay security force cut their teeth on black ops missions in Central America? Are there helicopters? What about jungle operations? If so, does May Kay manufacture camo face paint? If not, why doesn't Mary Kay manufacture camo face paint and become a military contractor? Is Mary Kay, Inc. actually the Mafia? And was Mary Kay the person actually Marlon Brando?

I've left a message for the Mary Kay PR folks. We'll see if I hear back. I did, by happenstance, recently run into a Mary Kay exec at a playground where our toddlers were playing. I asked about the security firm. He sort of rolled his eyes in a It-really-doesn't-make-since-for-a-makeup-company-to-have-an-armed-police-force sort of way. The whole operation is sort of a relic from the days when Mary Kay Ash was around and felt the need for protection. Their main role now is patrolling the company's manufacturing facilities and looking important in the black, FBI-esque SUVs.

But of course that's what a Mary Kay loyalist would say. I'm thinking there's something more. All of sure of right now is this: Don't fuck with anyone driving a pink Cadillac.