Gorilla

Bruno Mars has released a song that makes me laugh every time I hear it. It’s a raunchy romp all about having wild, loud, enthusiastic sex. There’s nothing inherently funny about that, one might even find it arousing, or crass, or whatever your sex-related sensibilities dictate. The funny part is the primary simile: “making love like gorillas.”

Many of our readers are, like myself, are well acquainted with the mating practices of the animal kingdom thanks to the good work of people like David Attenborough. For those that aren’t, and are missing the joke, gorilla sex looks a little like this:

It’s not exactly the most passionate exchange.

Also, Gorillas have tiny penises. Seriously. Dr. Carin Bondar will illustrate this for you using naked men and whiteboards in the following video.

Now you know, and now you can join me in imagining Bruno having brief, dispassionate, unsatisfying intercourse every time you hear that song, which seems to be every ten goddamned minutes around here.

For completeness, the official video follows. I don’t really recommend it. It’s dirty in all the wrong ways, in my opinion.

Ryan

Ryan Consell is a skeptical artist, tap-dancing armorer, juggling scientist, rock-climbing writer, sword-fighting math teacher, uni-cycling gamer, fire-spinning academic and devout nerd. He has a Masters in Applied science, most of a bachelors in Fine Arts, and a very short attention span. He is the author of How Not to Poach a Unicorn and half of the masochistic comedy duo that is Creative Dissonance. Follow him on Twitter @StudentofWhim