Dancing with the Stars: Week 6 Results

Last night was a Latin hodgepodge of judging gone loco and some swing dancing. Tonight, we say hasta la vista to one couple. For a results show that is, by definition, made up of silly montages and ho-hum musical acts, they didn’t waste any time delivering results. Erin and Maks were sent to safety, left to bicker adorably for another week.

Much has been made, both last night and in the first five minutes of this show, that Evan has “fallen from grace.” For the record, this is fabricated nonsense. It’s obvious to anyone with a set of eyeballs that Evan and Anna are the best all-around couple here; all the ridiculously unfounded criticism is meant to infuse this season with a sense of drama when it’s obvious they’re destined for victory. If you’ll remember a little thing (literally) called Shawn Johnson, the judges did the same to her. And she won. Getting off the soapbox now ….

… to marvel that Chad and Cheryl were given the encore performance this week. Oh goody, just what Chad’s ego needs. More validation. This is going to go one of two ways – either he’ll be amazing next week or he’ll tank because now he thinks he can do no wrong.

Hey, Melissa Etheridge. Sorry about your breakup. By the way, you are still awesome. The frenetic, melodramatic ballroom routine by Anna, Tony, Chelsie, and Maks was uh, frenetic and melodramatic. Melissa needs no sideshow – she’s already the main attraction. I wish DWTS would make the distinction when they have legends performing and not have the professionals distract us.

Things I will not be buying: DWTS instructional DVDs entitled, “Dance for Body Tone” and “Dance Off the Pounds.” In other news, Chad and Cheryl are safe.

Spanish guitarist Benise performed “Salsa Salsa” from his Emmy winning multi-cultural stage show. It was a crowd pleaser, although I was distracted by how much Benise looks like Casey James from American Idol. You know, if Casey was talented. Or had a personality. Or was Spanish.

Did you know that dancers are athletes? Did you know they have to be in shape? No? Lucky for you we have John Brenkus and the team from Sport Science are here to explain it. Lessons: Dmitry jumps as high as Kobe Bryant and Edyta spins faster than Lance Armstrong’s bike. Fun facts!

Then Melissa Etheridge returned to the floor to belt out “Come to My Window.” Real-life married couple Alec (remember him?) and Edyta did a sultry rumba that was far more appropriate than the previous Ballroom Etheridge mashup.

More results: Nicole and Derek are safe. Jake and Chelsie were left to sweat it out.

OMG Sam Neill is in the audience. We have a T-Rex. If the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t eat the tourists. Mr. Hammond, after careful consideration, I’ve decided not to endorse your park. Hold onto your butts. Okay, sorry. I just added “Have Jurassic Park Marathon” to my to-do list.

Things that are less awesome than Sam Neill: a montage about how all the stars are competitive. Spoiler alert: everyone wants to win. Dancing is hard, y’all.

Back to results: Pamela and Damian were safe – good for them. Jake and Chelsie were in the bottom two, along with Niecy and Louis. Evan and Anna – safe! Yay!

Alas, America has spoken, and we have no rose for Jake. JP, it’s not us, it’s you. You were boring, and we do not tolerate boring. Sorry, but we’re just not that into you. Or whatever they say at the end of The Bachelor.