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Coping with loss - dealing with truth

I've had a list of topics I wanted to write on since my laptop decided to misbehave. The tragic death of singer Chithra's daughter Nandana is one.

It was just a sleepy morning for me but as I read the papers I couldn't stop thinking of my experience with singer Chithra. When I read about the death of her child, I cried. I cried a lot. I personally don't know her but like how these talented people become a part of everyone's household - she was related.

The whole day I spoke to my mother in law about how painful it would be for her and her family to cope with this loss. Even when I was alone, this tragic incident ran in my thoughts.

As college girls, a group of friends organized a music concert to raise money for a blind home called Nethrodaya. We spent a lot of time and energy on this concert. Inviting singers to sing for 'free' was one of those activities.

My closest friend Saranya and I decided one Saturday night that a concert in Chennai would never be complete without singer Chithra. We scanned so many places for her address and decided to show up the next day morning.

Like how every celebrity's maid would treat an unknown person - Chithra's maid told us she wasn't home and asked us to leave. We for sure knew she was home - 1. cause we could hear her playing with her daughter 2. we were at her doorstep at 8am.

We left closing the gates and then walked across the house and sat on a heap of sand. 3 hours. For 3 solid hours we heard nothing but baby talk - Chithra entertaining her little girl - Chithra singing and laughing. Somewhere around 12:20 pm someone peeped through the curtains in the bedroom upstairs. It was her husband. He was a bit angry about us stalking and hanging around there but later when he heard us out he invited us in. (they actually thought we wanted donation) We were seated in the hall and Chithra peeped from the verandah upstairs carrying her daughter. Her husband heard us out and agreed to let Chithra sing in the concert. We were overjoyed. Later, Chithra won the state award from the Karnataka government and could not make it to the show. She sent us a letter.

This incident was in my thoughts for almost a week. I couldn't stop thinking about those 3 hours we sat outside her house. We didn't feel bad about the wait. We didn't feel bad because it was hot. All we knew was a woman was up there in a room sharing a warm Sunday with her kid.

Shattered as I was, am still - I kept thinking how long it would be before Chithra could meet with peace. Well, to me my head said 'never' - out loud. I do hope Chithra doesn't lose hope in life.

When I think of coping with life and its pace - I think meeting with every second is not important - cherishing the one that went by is. I'm a memory person - I like pictures, I like pranks. Cause these remain memories.

Comments

oh god.. i can't begin to tell you how surprised i was when i read this. i felt EXACTLY the same and i didn't even have this connection with her. i was in kerala when her pregnancy was announced, every paper had this news, how much she had prayed, took treatments, etc. then when she had the baby, all papers carried pictures, her overjoyed smiling face, and when the baby turned one, she was proudly holding her, although it was clear the baby had alzheimers. Apparently doctors told her that even when she was pregnant that this baby may not be a 'normal' one and she said, that's ok, she is still my baby.

I can't begin to imagine the irony, the tragedy, all of it. This incident has constantly been on my mind ever since it happened and I spent hours talking to my mom about it too..

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