Tuesday, March 2, 2010

My Heart Hurts When Birds Chirp

Lisa Marie's entry Are You What You Eat and this morning's tweeting birds are today's blog inspiration.

I must be the only person alive that dreads spring every year. I love the fall. I love the winter. I love wearing sweaters. It's a fat thing. Trust me. I don't like to blog about my chub unless it's just a quick description or mention, for example my Not So-Tiny-Dancer entry. I try to center my blog posts around funny stories about my childhood to keep a light, upbeat mood in hopes of bringing you all back for a new tale each day. Today, I'm gonna get real with ya'll and hope you're supportive, kind and still love me, even though, I'm supah-dupah chub-a-licious.

This morning I heard them in all their melodic glory. Tweeting away--real tweeting, not like Twitter tweeting--alerting us of the melting snow and rising temperatures. My heart sinks every March and April. Each year I swear by summer I will be lighter. Notice I didn't say "thin" or "thinner" -- I'm just looking to feel better about myself, even if it means I'm down two or three clothing sizes.

Every January I begin the year with the same ole weight loss resolution. I can't join a gym, because I'm already a member. That dates back to my 2006 weight loss resolution. I did drop about three sizes then returned to my crappy fast food loving ways.

Yes, I've seen all of the food industry documentaries and am aware of books like Skinny Bitch, etc. I know what I have to do, it's one of the few thins I'm actually somewhat of an expert on. Dieting since the age of 12 does that to a person. I'm just basically a food addict and I can admit that.

No, I wasn't abused or ignored as kid. You already know like my entire life story if you've been following me for the past few months. Here's the big secret, I just like crappy eats. I make poor choices and can't control portions. That's it. Oh and maybe toss in some chubby genetics and age.

This January, I tossed out the free membership coupons and skipped my annual Weight Watchers sign up. It was time to pull out the big guns and fight this battle of the bulge with more intensity. Thanks to my friend Ashley, serious tactics and ammo were passed my way. This is my very last hope before turning to surgical intervention.

It's this starvation, I mean doctor-recommended weight loss program called Medifast and it's basically powdered shakes, soups, eggs, bars and snacks. I'm not gonna lie, the "food" tastes nasty. Sure, the members on the Medifast Facebook fan page suggest adding Splenda, sugar-free syrups, whip creams and low sodium herbs and spices, etc. Nothing is going to convince me to enjoy this food so I skip the "turn the powdered soup into bread" recipe BS. I'm only doing Medifast as a means to get take this weight off and to jump start a healthier way of life.

Look, I know what you're thinking. "What is your problem, Ally? Just make better choices. Select healthy chicken, fish (I hate all seafood, remember?) and veggies." I don't know what stops me. Sometimes price, sometimes time. It's much easier to swing by a drive-thru than cook. I know I can count points. I know point-counting worked for you, your coworker or your sister-in-law. It doesn't work for me. I get confused counting this and that and find myself loading up on 200+ calorie bread simply because it's high in fiber and only counts as like 2 points. Medifast is easy! I need easy. This is why I refuse to get caught up in the recipes everyone raves about. I just want to add water to the instant chicken noodle soup and be done with it. I don't want to jazz up my pudding. Honestly, if I obviously cared about taste, I would just buy a 100 calorie JELL-O brand fat-free puddin' which is seriously yummy. The point of turning to Medifast was not only to lose weight at a quicker pace, it was the no-brainer part that really won me over.

Regarding taste--don't get me wrong, there are a handful of Medifast products I actually enjoy, such as the blueberry oatmeal, the Maintenance Bars in Caramel Nut and 70 Shakes in Dutch Chocolate. I'm allowed five of these instant meals and one "lean and green" meal. Lean and Green consists of 4-7 ounces of lean meat, fish or meatless meal purchased/prepared out or at home with 1.5 cups of veggies. The "lean and green" meal is flexible depending on how strict I wanna be.

I've only lost 23 pounds in five weeks, but that's because I've cheated here and there. The cheating must come to an end though. The cheating is what got me here in the first place. Since Sunday I have decided it's time to really stick with it. I want to do this. I have to do this. I'm not looking to become some hottie in a bikini. I just want to feel better about myself and be a smaller size than I am today. Ya know maybe have just one chin instead of two. But most importantly, come Spring 2011, I don't want to feel as if my heart hurts when the birds chirp.

PS Ironically, my buddy Ashley is the best baker I've ever met. Her cupcakes are killer. Check out her blog, The Cupcake Cauldron here!

Well, you and I have talked about how portion control is so hard in America. I totally understand the food addiction. When I got off drugs I used food to cope.Thus, gaining weight. I also tend to nibble when I watch TV. I am glad the Medifast is working for you. We all have to go about it our own way. What works for one may not work for you. I personally love Weight Watchers and have lost 11 lbs as of today. We'll work on it together honey!!! I got your back...

ONLY 23 pounds in five weeks?? That seems like a lot to me. I know it's hard, and I'll spare you all the motivational 'You can do it!' crap. I'm pulling for you. Someday, you will find something delicious AND healthy, I swear. I was thrilled the day I discovered Kashi Lean is the only breakfast cereal I like....

Ally - you're awesome! Opening up yourself and telling everyone is a great and brave thing to do. You have inspired me.

I have had a very life-changing and stressful last month or two, and my comfort was to relax and eat and not exercise. On the other side of the coin is that I really want to be healthier by this summer for some of those life-changing reasons (nothing health related, thank God).

I want get to the point where I can start a "finally got to the point where I'm not afraid to post a current picture of myself" group on facebook!

Keep it going - you are strong and have a lot of us rooting for you! I'll let you know when I get serious and we can cheer each other on!

I know it's hard Ally. I do. I think I am a food addict too! I just don;t know when to stop. Thankfully I get a lot of exercise a day so it helps me balance it out, but it is still the same addiction, thin or not.

I have been thinking of buying a book that will help me change my way of thinking about food. Or *gasp* even go and talk to someone about it. I have been saying I need food therapy for a while now!

Think it could be for you? Want to read something together, or is that just lame for you? You can tell me sista, I aint faint of heart.

Hey, if you wanted to, we could blog about it! The reading, how we felt about it, etc.

Just a suggestion honey!

P.S- Twenty three pounds is nothing to scoff at Ms! That is quite an amount!

I dunno about medi fast...whatever floats your boat I suppose. I've been on Weight watchers since february 2009, and have lost 90 pounds so far! Lost so much so quickly, I ended up with gallstones which i'm getting removed, along with my gall bladder on thursday