February 7, 2013

{ Laying down the cards }

Dear all of you who take time to read this,

As you may have noticed I haven't been as active on the blog as I used to. Most of all there is a lack of outfit posts nowadays. Well there is actually a reason for this.
When I began blogging it was meant to be an online space to drop my creativity with the main focuss point on fashion and personal style. I have never had the intention to share my personal live online. However I feel that I should make an exception this time and I also feel that I owe some kind of explanation to you guys for this change in blogging quality and quantity.

I feel very fortunate that there are so many of you who share the same interest and who read my blog or either scroll through the pictures, for some daily inspiration when we dress ourselves or go out shopping. Many of you have been true followers for a long period of time and always take time to leave me a lovely comment after each post.
For me that is the evidence that blogging is not only a one way direction and a monologue of sending all kind of words and pictures into the world wide web. But it's a dialogue between people with the same interest, no matter the distance and places we live. I feel blessed to be able to not only experience this but also to be a part of it. This gives me a lot of positive energy! I always liked to interact with people and learn from different cultures. That was one of the reasons that I liked travelling and wanted a job as a flight attendant to achieve that.

Working as a flight attendant is a great job, it really is. However if you do not take care of yourself properly and set boundaries and listen to the signals your body sends you, it can result in a less postive situation.
That I had to encounter myself recently. Already for a long period of time (month's) I was feeling tired and kind of exhausted and used to whimp it off, neglect those feelings and just keep on going with whatever goals I had set for myself. Because that was the story of my life; I had a million things I wanted to do and not nearly enough time to even acomplish a part of that. Like most of us, time flies and we feel that we need 48 hours a day instead of 24 hours to come close to do the thinks we want and need ánd get enough rest at night. That is the kind of world we are living in nowadays. And the great wonders of internet and social media haven't made it easier to unwind and stay away from all that.

I was always looking forward, either to the next days off or to a vacation or holiday. This past summer it was looking forward to september, when my boyfriend and I took a two week vacation trip to Turkey. Because there I would rest, unwind (lack of internet connection) and reload my batteries and all would be fine. I did, I spent a lot of time sleeping either in bed or at the poolside (that way I could work on my tan as well; who said multitasking isn't great). The rest of the day we just spent a lot of quality time together and had a fab time! Finally I felt physically more relaxed and rested.

But back from our vacation trip we dropped back into our daily routines and work. Usually I had a diverse working/travel schedule, some times short trips with less days off that would alternate with trips with more days off, that way I had a balance and that was working for me. However due to lack off personal qualified for Airbus related flight, the ones that had the qualifications for this aircraft type ended flying only these flights, that meant busy and short flights and too little time off to truly rest.

Besides that I want to do a lot in the spare time I have. Mostly things any other person would that spends 7 days a week home (instead of travelling) but also run the blog and make it succesfull, have a proper social life, cocoon at home with my boyfriend and watch movies and hold tv-show marathons. Be the perfect home-cook, have everything perfect and tidy. Go work-out at the gym every possible day I'm home to achieve a fraction of the body of a Victoria Secret model. Always look fab with blow-dried hair, spend time reading my favourite magazines. Surf the web and read all the blogs I like and from the people that follow me and I follow back, leave comments on all those blogposts, because you know how much you like it when someone leaves a comment on yours. Go learn a new foreign language or take that photography course, go to sewing lessons etc. ect.

The workload I experienced these past months since the end of the september together with all the rediculous goals I always set myself led to the fact that when I got ill at the end of november with gastroenteristis (Litteraly translates to stomach flu in Dutch) I had to call in sick and recover.
When I arrived at the doctor and explained my situation she said that the gastroenteritis wasn't anything to worry about, that would pass, but the more worrying part was that she diagnosed the beginning of a burn-out. That was the cause of my total exhaustion. She said I was lucky this was the begin phase because the recovery period would take less time then when you had an actual burn-out.

As you can imagine, this was a rough pill to take in. Yes I was tired, but could'nt I just sleep it off in two weeks? How could this be, I mean there are people who live in for more stressfull situations, am I maybe making this up? I am only 28, isn't that too young to get near a burn-out? A lot of questions rose to my mind. In the end after some time I realised this was a wake-up call to try and change my behaviour, set boundaries and listen to my body, instead of ingnoring the signals and just keep going. The hardest part was to realise that it is impossible to live by such high personal standards and that I had to loosen up a bit and not try to chase perfection.
When you set yourself the goal to excersize 5 times a week, and you just reached 3 or 4 times, you will feel dissapointed, even though it is great you went all these times. Instead of being proud that you went 3 or 4 times, we punish ourselves (not litteraly) for not having been able to go five times. While when we set the goal to go two times a week. We will be happy when we go twice, and even more when we have time to go a third or fourth time! This is just a silly example but works with any goal we set ourselves.

Another thing is trying to live up to other people's expectations. Most of the times those expectations are set by ourselves, no one told us we had to do that. So it's like chasing a ghost. I always felt that whenever I read blogposts from my followers I had to leave a comment, but imagine if you read hundreds of post daily, how many comments those would be, for me besides working it is almost impossible to achieve. That made me feel guilty, which is silly. So for those out there whom I follow, I do read your posts, just know that I don't always leave a comment, even though I wish I could.

Well this all said, I hope thise gives a bit more perspective of the person and situation behind the blog Lolita in the Mix. Thank you for taking the time to read this and to get to know me a bit better, I hope I didn't bore you to much!
As for now, I am taking things slow and try to recover, pick up daily life routines and focussing on improving the blog for when I back and healthy! I hope you will follow me along.

115 comments:

Good luck and God bless with your journey toward recovery and then on after that! Bloggng should make you happy; don't let it become another thing on a long to-do list! Well done addressing this burn-out problem before it really REALLY hurts you!Your readers will be here whenever you decide to grace us with your presence. ;)

Hey sweety, I read all of this and just thought I'd say thank you for your trust :) its really great that you also share the 'sad things' in life and I am sure you will be fine in the future. My life is quite stressful at the moment too. I feel like society just has ridiculous expectations! Be good at a job, have an awesome social life, look great all the time, work out at the gym...:oo It's an never ending to do list :(

Of course you need to take care of yourself! Burn out can happen to anyone and stress is just awful. Take your time to feel better and I'm sure that everyone will be there when you feel better!xogirlintheyellowdress.com

;( so sorry to hear this darling Lorena! i hope you get well soon and hope things get resolved quick so you are back on track and back in a good place in your life.Best wishes to my darling!XOXOyuliconversations.blogspot.com

your story sounded really familiar to me! I have always think that everyone expect so much from me and nothing is never enough...well now slowly I have started to realize that those expectations are only in my head; I'm the one who tries to reach the moon! So now I have been trying to slow down my doings and actually think what I really want...because before I didn't know what I really want...luckily for me this became before burn out ( but I was on the edge of it..) I'm happy that also yours burn out is on early phase and I think you will get better!! you sound that kind of person who will go over anything!! :D Just take time to yourself now :) and I'm really happy you shared this also in here ^^///

Lorena, you're honesty and genuine attitude in that post is truly admirable! Thanks for sharing such personal information with us. I think its also a good reminder that no body is perfect and every one always goes through ups and downs in their lives and all you go do is keep going. I have no doubt in my mind that you will recover and it takes a lot to actually tell yourself that its time to change. Most people ignore it and don't do anything because they are afraid of change..so be proud of yourself! And try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You make such a good point. I think in todays society there is just too much competition etc and its just too fast and busy. People seriously need to slow down and take time to enjoy life. I hear it flashes by in the blink of an eye. Good luck with everything my dear xo

I wish you speedy recovery! I think its great to begin listen to yourself! All that goals is not very important, its very important to enjoy every moment of your life, and no metter what are you doing, you better be 'here and now'I hope you will find the best activity behavior to have a strong health, warmth in home and relationship and self-expression on blog or other place!!!Love and Hugs!!!!http://beautyofheworld.blogspot.com

sorry to hear but it perfectly normal. ups and downs are everywhere. take your time and we (your followers would be with you). blogging must be fun not heavy because after all you're doing it for fun not become popular/famous or earn money

Hi dear, thanks for your honesty for bringing such an important topic to light. I am so sorry to hear you weren't well, your schedule sounds so hectic and its no wonder that the exhaustion and stress took its toll on you. I think it was your body's way of saying slow down and take it easy. Hang in there hun!

Hi dear, this was so great to read. I knew you had a busy life as a flight attendant but never quite knew the extent of it. Please take good care of yourself, we love your blog but we love you even more. And if that means to disappear and spending some quality alone time then so be it. Thanks for being so open and sharing this. Hope you feel better soon.

I understand exactly how you feel. I have felt the same.Time is not enough to make new posts, answer comments, visit your friends' blogs and do everything else in your every day life. Have a rest and I hope all your dreams come true.I hope your health problems are over.

Thank you so much for your sweet and supportive comment, it means a lot to me! I'm starting to do better. I'm sorry you have felt the same, I know it's not easy to live up to the standards we set ourselves in the multi media fast world we live in.

Thank you for being so honest. I totally understand where you are coming from. I think there are times when you just need to take time off for yourself- you are the most important person in your life and if you are not well, no one else will benefit from the amazing person that you are! I wish you much success and I will be here when you continue blogging!:)Allison

I am new to the blogging world and just came across your site. This post hit home for me because I've been through a similar thing. Trying to chase perfection seems like a good thing, but it can make your health deteriorate. When I was in college, I tried to go to the gym every day and was obsessed with achieving perfect grades while maintaining a social life, and then one day I woke up in an ambulance! It turns out I had a seizure, and thankfully my boyfriend was there to call 911. I started having hundreds more within weeks, and was then diagnosed with stress induced Epilepsy and have been taking medication every day for 5 years because of this. Lesson learned::: Learn how to relax, breath, and not let things get you so stressed. Sorry to leave such a long post but I felt I had to share! Enjoy your life, even the imperfections! <3myunbuttonedblazer.com

I so understand your situation. I want to do so man things in not so many time and get so angry if i fail, because I just need more time and be faster with everything and then I tend to sleep less to get near my goal. I know this si totally not healthy and now I see how bad it can become. I hope you can recover fast and learn how to be proud of what you reach, because I am sure it is muchmore than anybody elese manages I wll try to rememer that too :)

Yes, I think we all deal with the same nowadays in this world we live in. And I hope it will serve you as a warning that your health is so very important and you shouldn't push your borders. Thanks for your sweet comment!

Here's wishing you a speedy recovery! Sure you'll come back stronger and more refreshed than ever, and your blog will benefit as a result. At times like this, it's sooo important to put yourself first!xL

I'm very sorry to hear about all this. I'm wishing you the best and hope that you will recover very soon. It's so important to take time out for yourself as much as needed and when the time comes that you will be able to blog again, I will be here waiting looking forward to reading your lovely posts again :) Take care of yourself, Lorena. xx

Thanks for your reply, thats crazy...three hours just to travel to work! Wow, it does sound terribly exhausting, hope that things will calm down soon for you, Hope you're getting a chance to rest a bit in between. Take it easy hun!

How have you been lately? I was hoping you had time to upload a new post since this last one but I don't see any which makes me think that you're still in recovery mode. Sending you lots and lots of positive thoughts and well wishes. If you use instagram, come and find me @jeneechen so we can chat more often :)

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