I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you own the definition of marriage. Actually, this isn’t just a letter to California, it’s a letter to anyone who thinks marriage should be defined as being solely between a man and a woman, whatever state you’re in or religion you believe in.

Call me crazy, but why should you care? If your own marriage is stable, do you have to deny someone else that? How did it become your decision to make? If you’re willing to vote to strip someone of the privilege of marriage (because you’ve made it clear that it’s certainly not a right) please also be prepared to defend divorce, polygamy (which your BFFs the Mormon’s encourage) and all the other abuses that fall under the umbrella of heterosexual marriage. (You know, like how up until 2003 spousal rape wasn’t illegal in 20 states – STATES, not even foreign countries – or how 8-year-old girls are sold into marriage with 30-year-old men in Yemen, but it’s cool because they’re girls, not boys so it’s not gay or crazy). So yeah, okay. I’m not even a Californian, but I concede to your way of thinking. If you’re cool with being held responsible for all the crazy shit that’s excused in the name of heterosexual marriage, I guess it’s actually a blessing that gay people don’t have your support. But there are still those of us who think that seeing rings on the fingers of a same-sex couple will not corrupt the world and our children and your vote won’t make us (or them – you know, the gays) feel any differently, so you’ll still have to live with that.

So that’s it. I still really like In-N-Out Burger and Mission burritos and Alcatraz but I wish I wasn’t so disappointed in the rest of you right now.

My favorite thing about CNN.com (the ONLY good thing about CNN.com?) is the “Create a T-shirt out of a headline” feature. I noticed it one day because a headline had a little t-shirt icon next to it and I clicked and was like, why in the world would I want a shirt that says “Chimp takes Segway for a Ride!”? But then again, why WOULDN’T I want a T-shirt that says that?

Considering 3 people have asked me, a non-New York TImes subscriber, where I can get a copy of a newspaper today, this most historic, amazing day, (a day where the Times has to print 50,000 extra copies because everyone wants one) I say don’t bother buying a paper. Wear the headline.

In the grand tradition of people taking the last names on a political ticket and messing with them (by grand tradition I mean the one and only “Sore-Loserman” ticket of 2000), I realized I thought of a couple just now. They aren’t like, pun-savant good, but I’m surprised I haven’t seen them as headlines inside The Post.

McCain Flailin’

McCain Ailin’

(In Michigan) McCain Bailin’

McCain Tailin’

McCain Pale-in Comparison

Obama Bidin’ his time

McCain’t Misbehavin’

Also sure to be a hit? These Election Night pundit shows that I hope to see on MSNBC, CNN and Fox