Sunday, August 10, 2008

PATIENCE IS NO VIRTUE

I'm in the "waiting room" phase.

You know, the phase where you have all of these new things on the horizon but you have to wait for them to come around, and until then everything else just seems.....eh. Its a really unproductive room to be in, let me tell ya.

If one more person tells me to be patient, I am going to cause a massive scene in public, by giving them a sharp kick to the cranium. Because while I've been "waiting" I've allowed some pent up aggression to build up and I'm like a wound up ninja doll.

Europe is almost at my doorstep and so is The Musician, if I could meld the two I'd be one happy camper.

......now, forgive me, but I'm going to say something that I personally find extremely irritating .......I was very excited about Europe, WAS, oh yes, here we go: until it dawned on me, or more like glared upon me like a heinous light fixture in a movie theater bathroom; I don't want to be a traveling' Gypsy with her home on her back and friends scattered about the country, deepening their bonds and connections while I'm in Morocco drinking tea, by myself.

I want adventure, but I can't figure out if its worth it if I still feel alone.

This is why I haven't been writing. It aids to my denial, like, "If I don't write about it, it doesn't exist." When I write about it I make myself a vulnerable little fish in a bowl, swimming back and forth while pulling out private organs and throwing them around the water for people to gawk at and analyze...."hm interesting lacerations on the right gill...."

I'm a little sick of being independant. I'd like to have someone to cook dinner for, I'd like to know that my friends would be knocking on my door at sometime throughout the day to go "play" and get frozen yogurt. I miss the comfort of my relationships in Los Angeles.

You know what makes this shit worse, fucking Facebook. Is it just me or does everyone's life seem way more cool than yours on Facebook??? Facebook is like that "cool kid" and you're just on the outside waiting for your invitation "in." It's fucked up.

So, right now when I should be in your face excited, throwing fits of joy, I actually just feel like curling up in bed with a warm body after a BBQ with 30 of my closest friends which would result in, kick ass Facebook pictures.

36 comments:

Just got through the backlogs and without knowing more than what's here...feelin it. The 4am bus calls, the delicious one and two days at a time where you can do DOMESTIC things together, the random girls bouncing up and down at the merch table, the highs and lows of loving and being loved by someone who can't be there most of the time. It's a lot of waiting and I'm not patient either.

So yes, it's hard. And then it's just so worth it sometimes too. And you called it- even the most independent girl is going to get tired of the schtick but if it's right then you need to do it. Time after time after time until it's not right anymore.

Amen sister! (I think I write that to almost every post...) I hate waiting too. why can't things just hurry up and be where they're supposed to be?! Also - everyone looks cooler on FB than they actually are. :)

I always like to think my apparent inactivity on le' Facebook makes people wonder about what exciting things I could be up to, when I'm really sitting around in my underwear scratching my arse and doing very little.

I'm with you, I wish my life would hurry up and get sorted out, one way or another. Right now I'm in a city where I have friends and family and yet am so desperate to leave and start with a blank slate somewhere else - and then I'm alone. Then it will be yay for me, off on an adventure, alone.

I am a horribly impatient person. I hate waiting and I want what I want when I want it, which is usually right away. While waiting is hard, at least what's waiting for you is positive. Better than the alternative :)

I hear you! and nothing sucks more then feeling like everything sucks and having people to tell you to be patient! Ok, I know its going to get better, but guess what, that doesnt change the fact that everything is crappy now! Hang in there!

I know that feeling about being seen as independent, but really wanting to be desperately thought of or included, because you need to feel needed. And FB...yes, when i see 3 of my friends status updated about being at something cool that you just happened to not be invited to..it sucks.

I know exactly what you mean about that feeling. If you can't be patient you can make yourself busy - read to keep your mind from taking off on you and know that it will come no matter how you spend your time leading up to all this.

The adventure will be a huge distraction and in spite of the alone, you'll meet people and bond with them. Who knows what will happen?

I hear you about facebook, it's a huge one-upping contest. Every now and then when I'm feeling vulnerable I won't allow myself to log on for a number of days - or I purposefully with hold information on it - there's something very satisfying about that.

Trust me, after sending out four thousand resumes, I can relate to the whole hating waiting scenario.

I've never even viewed facebook, and from the way you describe it, I'm glad I saved myself the agony. I don't really care how cool anyone else's life is, especially since mine is sucking hind tit right now.

My favorite part of waiting? Other people's candyland freakin' advice.

"Things will get better!""Just get out there and do your best, something will work out!""Maybe someone is trying to tell you something."

Sometimes I feel like life is just one big waiting room. Like I'm constantly in the in between stage of something it's just a matter of how aware I am of it in that exact moment.

What you said about being independent really struck me. I always say I love my independence, but that's maybe more of a denial of not actually having someone need me or worse even, feeling like I'm needed. haha.

Facebook and all the social sites are supposed to help "socialize" people, but more times than not they isolate.

I have been through this pahse many times in my 20s, the waiting phase. Where I start to think of the cosequences of my cast decisions. It feels like my life is like a book, it all has its chapters but the book also ends. The waiting period feels like the transition froom book 1 to book 2.

ha ha, chelsea, fun read. haven't been here in a while as computer is slow.trust me, i'd go back and wish i had seen the world by myself (or with a friend) and not bogged down with all things life.i am not an adventurist like you.so i say, once you hit the moroccan tea, the hummus platter, you'll be like who needs people?i'm surprised someone hasnt' volunteered to trek the world with ya.facebook is overrated a little bit. waiting for things to happen is so boring.

I completely understand how you feel. Even though I'm married and have a husband and dog to come home I spend 50% of my time living in hotel rooms and sitting in airports or cars. When I'm on the road I eat by myself, sleep by myself, go to movies, art galleries, cafes...all by myself.

It's a lonely life feeling like you had to everything alone, but don't pass up Europe. There may come a time when you want to settle down and the opportunity will no longer be available. Who knows...you might me a sexy Italian man and have a sea side wedding in Carpi.

Facebook leaves amazing amounts of room for editing in the happy times. I know at least 3 couples on Facebook whose marriages are in shambles. From the pics - you'd be none the wiser.

As for the independence thing - enjoy it enjoy it enjoy it. That is all I have to say. Coupling up creeps up on you in the back of some high end bistro when you least expect it. Suddenly decisions are made for 2. Life becomes a juggle.

Enjoy the now. You'll have amazing life stories to tell to your future.

I agree with the patience issue. I'm in the "waiting room" right now as well. With work, personal relationships, friendships. But while it's difficult, it's good for us to be alone and learn to manage which you clearly can do very well.

As for Facebook. I dumped mine...I say "no" to social networking sites!

Facebook can be so evil in that way. I think we have all felt that at some time or another...damn, why are they so cool? How come I can't have those fun things happening to me? Really, I think we naturally discount the things we're doing as not ever as cool or fun as what others are doing.