jokeshttp://www.wisebread.com/taxonomy/term/1343/all
en-USOnly Celebrate A Few Select Birthdayshttp://www.wisebread.com/only-celebrate-a-few-select-birthdays
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<a href="/only-celebrate-a-few-select-birthdays" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/61nH0aYNyOL._SS500_.jpg" alt="Patton Oswalt" title="Patton Oswalt" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="250" /></a> </div>
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<p>What if we suddenly stopped celebrating every single birthday in our lives, and instead concentrated on just the important ones? Would you care? Would you support it? I&rsquo;ll tell you one thing&hellip;we&rsquo;d all save a bunch of money.</p>
<p>The idea comes from one of my favorite comedians, Patton Oswalt. If you don&rsquo;t know the name, you&rsquo;ll certainly know the voice; he played Remy in <em>Ratatouille</em>. He was also Spence Olchrin in <em>The King Of Queens</em>, and he&rsquo;s an exceptional comedian.</p>
<p>On his CD <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000RGSOM8?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=wisebread07-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=B000RGSOM8"><em>Werewolves And Lollipops</em></a> he outlines a plan to stop the celebration of most birthdays, saying that there&rsquo;s nothing special about most of them. And, he&rsquo;s right. What&rsquo;s so special about hitting 36 (my next birthday)? Or 42? Or even 14? They&rsquo;re not landmark dates in your existence. They&rsquo;re just another year.</p>
<p>The full list is printed below, and you can also <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJnCHy0p6n4">listen to Patton</a> (be warned, Patton uses language that is NSFW).</p>
<p><strong>Birthdays you can and cannot celebrate.</strong></p>
<p>1 thru 9 &mdash; YES. You&rsquo;re a little kid, and kids should get to celebrate birthdays.</p>
<p>10 &mdash; YES. You&rsquo;ve entered the double digits. Something different has happened, you get a birthday.</p>
<p>11-12 &mdash; NO. Nothing special about those years.</p>
<p>13 &mdash; YES. Now you&rsquo;re a teenager, and that&rsquo;s worth celebrating.</p>
<p>14-15 &mdash; NO. Again, nothing special here.</p>
<p>16 &mdash; YES. The laws have changed. Now you can drive, that&rsquo;s worth celebrating.</p>
<p>17 &mdash; NO. What&rsquo;s special about being 17? Exactly.</p>
<p>18 &mdash; YES. Awesome birthday. You can vote and own a gun. This is all worth celebrating (and if you&rsquo;re in other countries including England, you can drink alcohol). Now that is worth a party.</p>
<p>19 &mdash; YES. It&rsquo;s your last year as a teenager.</p>
<p>20 &mdash; YES. You&rsquo;ve entered your twenties.</p>
<p>21 &mdash; YES. Awesome birthday, you&rsquo;re as adult as you can get. Hit the bars.</p>
<p>And then&hellip;only one birthday every 10 years (30, 40, 50, 60 and so on) until you hit 90. After 90, you get a birthday every year because one law no longer applies to you!</p>
<p>Now, as 90 is a rare age for most of us to reach, I&rsquo;d say most of us are in for 22-23 birthday celebrations in our lifetime. That&rsquo;s a lot less than 70-80. And think of all the money that we wouldn&rsquo;t have to spend. At Hallmark, they&rsquo;d see their profits go down the toilet, but personally I wouldn&rsquo;t shed a tear. Charging an average of $5 for a piece of card you read once and throw away is something of an extravagance anyway. And think of all the trees and resources we&rsquo;d save!</p>
<p>Not only that, but once you reach the adult years, you usually don&rsquo;t want for that much anyway. As a kid, you have no income. Your birthdays are what you rely on for toys, clothes, games, and candy. But as a 36 year old, I&rsquo;ll be getting stuff for my birthday that I could afford anyway. I usually have to search my brain for days to come with ideas for people. And they&rsquo;re the same. My dad&rsquo;s birthday is in a few weeks. He had no idea what he wanted, so I bought him some DVDs. He&rsquo;s probably seen them, he may even have them, and who knows if he even wants them.</p>
<p>Now I&rsquo;m not saying we should treat the day like any other. By all means, go have a few drinks after work or take a trip to the movies. Have a good meal. But do we really need to continue spending all of this money on each other, buying junk we don&rsquo;t need for people who don&rsquo;t want anything, just because we&rsquo;ve reached the grand old age of 27 or 43? Many people in this world would be thankful for a healthy meal and sanitary water every day, and the money we throw at each other on gifts, cards, and endless wrapping could more than pay for that.</p>
<p>This idea may have started as a joke, but I think it&rsquo;s far from just a bit of comic relief. Think it over.</p>
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<br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/paul-michael">Paul Michael</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/only-celebrate-a-few-select-birthdays">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-2">
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</div> </div><br/></br>LifestylebirthdaysconserveenvironmentfunnyjokesMon, 08 Feb 2010 14:00:02 +0000Paul Michael5112 at http://www.wisebread.com25 tips from the frugally insane. http://www.wisebread.com/25-tips-from-the-frugally-insane
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<a href="/25-tips-from-the-frugally-insane" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/iStock_39465430_MEDIUM.jpg" alt="these crazy frugal moves will make you laugh" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div>
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<p>You know, saving money is a serious business. Sometimes, too serious. So now and then I like to inject a little fun into the proceedings. Back when I was a little younger, I would ocassionally glance at the magazines my mom would read. They were the usual &quot;mom&quot; magazines, like Good Housekeeping, Bella, that kind of thing. And there was always a spot dedicated to tips sent in from readers. You know the ones &mdash; &quot;A little club soda and salt will clean up any stain.&quot;</p>
<p>Then I found a magazine called VIZ, a comic for grown-ups. And they did what I can only describe as the funniest parody of frugality I have ever read. As you are all fans of saving a few pennies, I thought I'd share these insane tips with you. Trust me when I say that the only use they serve is to give you an occasional chuckle. Enjoy.</p>
<h2>1. Save a Fortune on Laundry Bills</h2>
<p>Give your dirty shirts to a local charity shop. They'll wash and iron them and you can buy them back for 50 cents.</p>
<h2>2. Create Instant Designer Stubble</h2>
<p>Suck on a magnet and dip your chin into a bowl of iron filings.</p>
<h2>3. Food on the Move</h2>
<p>A hedgehog, trained to scuttle up and down the table from guest to guest, makes an unusual and cheap mobile appetizer dispenser at cocktail parties.</p>
<h2>4. Foil Pick-Pockets</h2>
<p>Place a freshly toasted Pop-Tart in each pocket. Would-be thieves will quickly rupture the fragile pastry and receive nasty finger burns from the steaming hot jam inside.</p>
<h2>5. Snake-mobile</h2>
<p>A length of plastic drainpipe with a roller skate at each end makes an ideal home-made &quot;car&quot; for snakes.</p>
<h2>6. Clingy Contacts</h2>
<p>Can&rsquo;t afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of clingwrap and press them into your eyes.</p>
<h2>7. The Bucket Trick</h2>
<p>Stop bread from drying out by keeping it in a bucket of water.</p>
<h2>8. Close Observations</h2>
<p>Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.</p>
<h2>9. Jet Setter</h2>
<p>Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.</p>
<h2>10. Smart Siphon</h2>
<p>Put a stop to car thieves by siphoning off all your gas whenever you park your car, and carrying it round with you in one or two plastic buckets.</p>
<h2>11. Potato Puzzle</h2>
<p>Why pay for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen fries from the freezer and try piercing together potatoes.</p>
<h2>12. Smell Gas?</h2>
<p>Locate the suspected leak by striking an ordinary match in every room in the house until a loud explosion reveals the source of the escaping gas.</p>
<h2>13. The Butter Trick</h2>
<p>Always keep a stick of butter in your pocket so that if you get your head stuck in railings you'll be able to grease your ears and slide out.</p>
<h2>14. Sunless Tan</h2>
<p>Exterior wood stain is a cheap, long-lasting and attractive alternative to sun-bed treatments.</p>
<h2>15. Office Workers</h2>
<p>Avoid distractions from your important paperwork by making &quot;blinkers&quot; out of two post-it note stickers, one stuck to each temple.</p>
<h2>16. Lights Out</h2>
<p>Save electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.</p>
<h2>17. Fast Wipe</h2>
<p>Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.</p>
<h2>18. Personal Address Book</h2>
<p>Old telephone directories make ideal, free personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.</p>
<h2>19. Bye-Bye Bookmark</h2>
<p>When reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark.</p>
<h2>20. Give It a Push</h2>
<p>Save on gas by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.</p>
<h2>21. Who Needs Wheels?</h2>
<p>Avoid being wheel-clamped by jacking up your car, removing the wheels, and locking them safely in the trunk until you return.</p>
<h2>22. Duct Tape Bath</h2>
<p>No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.</p>
<h2>23. Beware of Bees</h2>
<p>Hair gels are expensive. Jelly is a much cheaper alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.</p>
<h2>24. Faux Hangove</h2>
<p>Save on alochol by drinking cold tea instead of scotch. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a tablespoon of dish soap and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.</p>
<h2>25. International Master Criminals</h2>
<p>It is possible to make your fortune. Simply tell your guards to shoot James Bond in the head at the first opportunity. Under no circumstances give him a guided tour of your base, or leave him in the custody of attractive women in bikinis.<br />
&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/paul-michael">Paul Michael</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/25-tips-from-the-frugally-insane">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-5">
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</div> </div><br/></br>Entertainmentfun tipsfunnieshumorinsanityjokeslaughsparodysaving money.Wed, 21 Feb 2007 18:17:08 +0000Paul Michael290 at http://www.wisebread.com