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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The one I don't want to write

I'm sad, I'm disappointed, I'm embarrassed, I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm lonely, I'm disappointing, I'm a failure, I'm worthless, I'm ugly, I'm a horrible person, I'm a looser, I'm a bitch, I cry myself to sleep every night, and put on my "happy face" every morning. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, reminds me of the good times and then every night I'm reminded of the bad times.

Everyone has their opinions, and luckily for me, the people that matter understand that there are 3 sides to every story. I think most of the people that matter to me understand that I need to do things my way (or our way) and can't be influenced by outside opinions. Though the person that I really need to see that, just doesn't.

My marriage is falling apart, If I'm honest with myself, it has fallen apart. It fell apart a while ago. I don't know if it can be repaired, but I do know that I would love to try and build a friendship with this person who I have spent almost half of my life with. I can't bare to look at life without him in it, but the way things are at the moment isn't normal, it isn't healthy for either of us, or the people who love us.

4 comments:

Better out than in my dear! you haven't offended me and I seriously doubt you ever could. You've a heart of gold and deserve everything you want in life... at the absolute very least you deserve to love and be loved in returned (including with yourself). You are bright, intelligent, gorgeous, loyal (sometimes to a fault) and one of the strongest and bravest women I know... You have the world at your feet - it's just want you decide to do with it that makes the difference.

As I've said before, only you can change you (and your situation). Others have to do that for themselves. Sure, depression is an illness (you know what i'm referring too)... and you can succumb to it and use it as an excuse, or you can fight it and change your circumstance. I should know!

I'm always, always, always here for you and I love you very much. I'm stoked you've come back into my life and I know you can achieve and be whatever you want to be.

PS... this comes from a place of non judgement... instead, encouragement.

Girl- you know I adore you. And knowing that I am in a similiar situation makes me feel for you. My heart aches knowing exactly what you're going through. None of the decisions from here on out are going to be easy or fun. Everything is going to hurt and you are going to feel like a yucky person. But you know what? It's going to be worth it. Because eventually- you are going to find what you didn't even know you were missing. And you are going to realize what a wonderful and beautiful person you are and how great life can really be. You know I only hope the best for you and I hope you know, that no matter which path you take- you will always have a friend supporting you. Big hugs girl. :)

Oh Floss, you are no loser at all. You are one beautiful, caring HOT Girl. I don't make lemon slice for losers!!! Hold your head high, dry your eyes, no tears from my special friend. Be strong, we are all here for you - love you to the moon and back!