Round-the-Clock Purple and Gold

The Final Countdown: Your guide to the second half

February 17, 2009 | 1:50
pm

The first 52 games are in the books, and have (injury to Andrew Bynum aside) been quite the success. It's hard to do better than the best record in the league, after all. But there is still work to be done, with 30 more regular season games before the postseason kicks off. How will it play out? I'm glad you asked. Without further ado, I present your guide to second half Lakers basketball...

Feb. 17 vs. Atlanta: For reasons I can't determine, Mo Evans receives a smattering of boos. The blog is
filled with "Someone box out Al Horford!" but Kobe and Co. use a strong fourth quarter to put the Hawks away. Win! 43-10.Feb. 18 at Golden State: With the deadline looming, the Warriors play distracted, undisciplined basketball, losing assignments defensively and taking questionable shots. Unfortunately, this kind of thing is indistinguishable from how they play under normal circumstances. Ronny looks sad. Win! 44-10.

Feb. 20 vs. New Orleans: With the trade of Tyson Chandler to Oklahoma City, the Hornets will officially look to defend LA's length with... Hilton Armstrong, Joe Smith, and Melvin Ely. Chris Paul wonders why George Shinn hates him. Win! 45-10.Feb. 22 vs. Minnesota: Oscar night! This one wins "Best Game on the Schedule That Looked Moderately Dangerous Before Al Jefferson Blew Out His Knee." It's a small category. We're left with 48 minutes to hope Kevin Love makes a full court chest pass and dissect the ugly quotient of the Target Center floor. Win! 46-10.

Feb. 24 at Oklahoma City: Trap game! The Thunder (ah-ah-ah-ah-ahahah)! are an increasingly more effective team, and with the addition of Chandler have more frontcourt oomph. That's a handy thing against the Lakers. But the Lakers are smart enough to know it's a trap game, so it may not be a trap. But then again, the Thunder know the Lakers will know it's a trap game, and will adjust their performance accordingly. So many levels. Like the Battle of Wits in The Princess Bride. Win! 47-10.

Feb. 26 vs. Phoenix: Phoenix is back to their run and gun
style. Raja Bell tossing up corner threes, Boris Diaw moving the ball
from the high post-- Oh wait. Well, at least they have Steve Nash and
Amare Stoudamire (maybe) to run the floor without a lumbering post man
to clog thi-- oh wait. Win! 48-10.

Feb. 27 at Denver: Back end of a back-to-back, high above sea
level, against a team that seems to be overlooked despite a
(as of Tuesday) .680 winning percentage. Chauncey Billups has added
order and presence on the perimeter, 'Melo has raised his game, and
Nene has solidified the middle of a defense that had all the interior strength of a cherry cordial. These Nuggs guys play some D, folks. A tired Lakers squad falls behind early,
then is put away by a strong fourth quarter from the home team. Loss.
48-11.

March 1 at Phoenix: Shaq continues his strange quest to suck
up to the Lakers, picking up a quick offensive foul for dropping a
shoulder into Pau Gasol, than sits after drawing a second, reaching on
Gasol at the other end. After it's over, he describes pregame hype
about the Suns trying to beat the Lakers as a "marketing ploy." Win.
49-11.

March 3 vs. Memphis: Conventional wisdom says it's tough to
beat the same team three times in an
NBA season. Not when that team is
the Grizzlies. Win! 50-11.

March 6 vs. Minnesota: Nothin' there to keep the Lakers off
the boards. Lakers push early, throw it in cruise control, and we
spend the rest of the night fielding comments about why they're only up
by 13 when it should be 25. Still, plenty of time to debate if Kevin
Love's chinstrap beard is more Backstreet Boys or N'Sync. Win! 51-11.

March 9 at Portland: The Blazers are a different team at home than on
the road (i.e. much better). Here's where that "three times in a
season" thing I mentioned comes into play. Brandon Roy does his thing,
supplemented by solid work from Travis Outlaw. Lakers look disorganized.
Second straight loss on the road to a quality opponent. Chattering
classes begin chattering. 51-12.

March 11 at Houston: Early in the season, I'd have pegged
this one for a loss. Now? I'll say T-Mac is still out, and the Lakers
will run Yao into foul trouble before beating on Houston's miniature
frontcourt like this guy on a drum. Kobe seeks to gain revenge on Michael Lewis by converting 23 field goals, all dunks. Win! 52-12.

March 12 at San Antonio: Again, a tough game on the wrong side of a back-to-back. A
statement game against a team that's been around the block too many
times to worry about making them. A repeat of LA's last trip to
AlamoVille- tight throughout, great finish- but a late put back for Pau
Gasol gives LA the victory, as they continue to rise up for marquee
matchups. Win! 53-12.

March 17 vs. Philadelphia: The Sixers can run, but not like LA, and the Lakers won't spoil their last homestand for a while with a clunker. Win! 55-12.

March 19 vs. Golden State: Heading into the second half, the
Warriors have won five games on the road. Tonight, though, they buckle
down. They play hard, D up, show patience on offense, and Corey
Maggette distributes the rock. I'm also starting at power forward for
the Lakers. And then I wake up. Win. 56-12.

March 21 at Chicago:(Side note: Andrew Bynum doesn't make the trip, but his rehab is progressing.) Only
LA's fourth Saturday game of the season as the Lakers start their last
major road trip of the season. The weirdness throws off their internal
basketball clocks, and the Bulls steal a win in a truly lackluster effort from the purple and gold. Laker fans are sour, weekend happiness scuttled. Loss. 56-13.

March 24 at Oklahoma City: With two days in between games,
fatigue isn't an issue. A few too many
alley oops to Chandler, and his
length along with Kevin Durant and Jeff Green has Thunder fans buying
rose colored glasses in bulk... but LA gets back on the winning track.
A smart, disciplined performance, especially refreshing given LA's tendency to play down. Win. 57-13.

March 26 at Detroit: Kwame Brown goes off for 29/17 in his
best game as a Piston, displaying a full range of low post moves and
featherly light jumpers from 11 feet. Or not. Detroit's struggles
continue, but at least Kobe puts on a show for locals depressed by the
state of the auto industry. Win! 58-13. (Photo: Gus Ruelas, AP)

March 27 at New Jersey: They finished the first half five games under .500... at home. That's just not natural. And teams that don't defend a lick
tend not to do well against the Lakers. Plus, there's nothing
intimidating about Izod Center. That little alligator doesn't scare
anyone. Win! 59-13.

March 29 at Atlanta: A critical game for a Hawks squad
looking to lock down the four seed in the E.C. Lakers build up a big
lead, then let Atlanta back in the game, missing key free throws before
Joe Johnson hits a buzzer beater. Blog circuits overload, Ben the Intern hospitalized from exhaustion. Loss. 59-14.

March 31 vs. Charlotte: Plus? LA wants revenge. Minus? It's the
sixth game of a long trip. Plus? Pushing for a playoff spot in the
Eastern Conference doesn't mean the Bobcats are actually good.
Minus? That was true during the Great OT Debacle as well. Bottom line: No way they lose to them again... right? Win. 60-14.

April 1 at Milwaukee: The final game of the epic trip. The Lakers
are tired. Of hotels, of airplanes, of room service. They're physically present, but mentally drained from travel and watching a local
Laverne and Shirley marathon after the late arrival from North
Carolina. The final "Seriously, they lost to those guys?" loss of the
year. 60-15.

April 7 at Sacramento: Used to be you said the Kings were
better than their record. Now they may be worse. Sacto's record could
be a near-mirror of LA's, and the building will be half-filled with 24
jerseys. No let down. Win. 63-15.

April 9 vs. Denver: Tight affair until a late K-Mart T gives
LA the momentum. Melo plays strong for three quarters, then misses a
couple late as the Lakers smother him defensively. George Karl wishes
he had one more purely offensive outlet, wistfully remembers Von Wafer's days in Denver. Lakers pull it out late, keeping up with Boston and Cleveland over in the E.C. 64-15.

April 10 at Portland: Bynum dresses, plays nine minutes.
Portland is fighting to hang on to the fourth seed in the conference,
while the Lakers have the top spot wrapped up. Fans who haven't seen
playoff hoops in a while are fired up for what looks like a potential
second round matchup. Lots of emotion, and the Blazers squeak one out
as a Kobe jumper late rims out. Great game, but a loss. 64-16.

April 12 vs. Memphis: Bynum back in street clothes as a safety measure. Win. 65-15.

April 14 vs. Utah: Bynum gets a little more burn, and the
Jazz (now healthy and safely in the top eight), locked in the five
spot, take it easy and get their starters some rest. A typical
Lakers/Jazz slugfest it ain't. Win. 66-16.

So there you have it. Go ahead and take a vacation, spend extra
time with the kids, or take on major home improvement projects. I've
already told you what's going to happen.