My Life's Scrapbook

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Well once again Harold Camping has made his new and improved calculations for the rapture happening tomorrow.

Yippie! ... *That was sarcasm*

In a way, I kinda wish I could just be taken away in the rapture. I am so tired. Not exactly physically or mentally tired, but emotionally. Not only does tomorrow bring about the end of the world *allegedly*, but it brings my fucking birthday.

Do I care about getting older, not really *yet*, it's just that life makes it's way of going down hill for the rest of the year. It's fucking clockwork. EVERY. YEAR.

In my head I'm planning strategic cutting places cause I know it'll most likely come to that. (p.s. I cut last monday after being clean for about 16 weeks -__-)

Does the rest of the world live like this? This can't be a normal life, because why would anyone go through this?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Well, at my college we have a union board that likes to provide the students with things to do on some weekend. For example we've had bands play, talent shows, a step africa group. It's really fun usually; however, todays activity was just... veryvery interesting.

Tonight (well saturday the 15th) we had a paranormal investigator come and speak. His talk was really cool and informative. Then the first 40 people there got to go on a "ghost tour" with him after (needless to say I and my friends were in that 40). We visited the basement of a building and got to hear some spirits, but that wasn't as mind blowing as visiting the old jail.

In the Old Jail, we were mainly trying to contact one guy that was known to have hung himself while imprisoned. A lot of the responses were surprisingly clear answers to questions the investigator asked and even we asked. Then other spirits started talking through the recording. (Note that we gave NO information to the guy beforehand)

Well some spirits had things to say to some of us on the tour. One girls father who passed away because of a heart attack talked to her. Even one of my suite mates had a cousin that committed suicide and he was saying hi to her mother and that he felt stupid for killing himself.

I kept thinking that I wanted to talk to my grandpa because I still carry a lot of guilt for never getting to really know him and say goodbye. It wasn't until after he died that I learned how much he loved and protected me even when I wasn't aware of it (that REALLY makes me feel like shit and hate myself). Like I said I couldn't get the courage to ask to talk to my grandpa, but I heard my name! (If you know my name, you will know that it is not a normal name you hear everyday.) I also know I heard a lot of spanish which was basically all my grandpa could speak. So I think he was trying to talk to me, but just like his dying days... I let fear get the best of me.

When I walked out, my friend asked what was wrong in spanish and I couldn't help but break down. I don't know if I necessarily believe in all of it, but how can you explain me HEARING my name? Wow. It has definitely been one very eye opening experience and if forced me to once again think about all the shit I still carry from the death of my grandpa. I really miss him...

Has anyone else ever had an experience like this or do you not believe it? I am having some difficulty really trying to process it all.

- Vizzy

p.s. Some of the spirits were very sassy and funny. At one point the paranormal investigator asked if there were any spirits that wanted to cross over and why the guy who hung himself hadn't already crossed. new thing you hear on the device is "He's waiting for the rapture, you dick!" OMG! Some spirits have AMAZING senses of humor!

About Me

I created this blog so I can share my feelings. I am a self injurer and have very disordered eating (I have both restricted severely and binged and purged ).
No one that knows me know so I'm going to keep it that way. Know if you read this that you can comment and I will always reply and you are NOT alone.