Death is “the termination
of all biological functions in a living organism”, according to
Wikipedia. The most common cause of human
deaths in the world is heart disease, followed by stroke and
other cerebrovascular diseases, and lower respiratory infections. (1)

Death is commonly
considered sad or unpleasant, and is accompanied by anxiety, sorrow, grief,
emotional pain, depression, sympathy, compassion, and solitude. The natural
tendency is to avoid the thought of death because it makes people uncomfortable
and even causes fear. Many consider the subject morbid. (2)

For most people, their own life experience seems open ended.
There seems to be no reason why normal experiences cannot continue
indefinitely. With this view death, no matter how inevitable, is the
cancellation of an indefinitely extendible good life.

The value of life is not mere organic survival. Surviving in
a coma is not appealing to anyone. Many consider premature death dreadful. Objectively,
it is recognized that humans cannot live much more than about 100 years. So,
one can only feel deprived of those years that one does not live long enough to
enjoy.(3)

Life after death

Ideas of the after-life and immortality are human constructs.
Most religions teach that the immortal soul survives the body after physical
death, which is comforting for many. Some say that the soul will live forever
in either heaven or hell. Others suppose that after death the soul will
reanimate in other life forms in an endless cycle of reincarnation. Atheists dispute
the idea of a soul and are convinced that after death there is only
nothingness.

Because understanding of life after death runs the gamut of
human experience and cultural values, anthropologists conclude that man invented
religion to explain life’s experiences and to offer solace from life’s
troubles.

Longevity

Since 1900, life
expectancy in America has jumped from age 47 to 80. This derives mostly from
improved hygiene and nutrition; everything from heart surgery to antibiotics and
drugs that combat most diseases. (4)

The primary construct of most modern cultures is to prolong
life, and rapid medical advancements are extending human lifetimes. Even
without new high-tech advances, the UN estimates that human life expectancy
will approach 100 years over the next century.

The cover story of the February 23, 2015 issue of Time
Magazine was, "This baby could live
to be 142 years old". (5)

The question arises: would anyone want to live that long?
The same question could have been asked in 1880, when life expectancy was only
40, about living to 75. And the same answers would be given: "Is it a
good idea?" and "Why would
anyone want to live that long?"

In the US, health care costs have grown faster than the
economy as a whole – now 16% of GDP, compared to 9% in 1980. Consider this: 5%
of the US population accounted for 50% of overall health care spending. 65% of
medical expenses are for the elderly.

Most people are not philosophically, morally and socially
ready to accept prolonged life. What will life be like when life is prolonged
for those who can choose? People with a life expectancy of over 100 years are
unlikely to retire at 65. If people knew they could live comfortably to 125, they’d
likely have several careers.

Die at 75

Ezekiel J. Emanuel, an oncologist and bioethicist, wrote an
article in The Atlantic, October
2014, headlined "Why I Hope to Die
at 75".Says Emanuel, when he reaches
75, he won’t actively end his life. But he will stop seeking medical treatments
to actively prolong it: no cancer screenings or treatments after 75, no
pacemaker or bypass surgery, no flu shots or antibiotics. (6)

Emanuel is a vociferous
opponent of euthanasia and assisted suicide. His essay is personal, about what
he wants in his own life, how he wants to be remembered by his family and friends.
He is 57; one wonders whether his views will change as he nears 75.

One must admire the blunt, unsentimental humanity with which
Emanuel presents his case. Aging and death are realities in every life. No insurance
policy, gym membership, or super food can fully protect us against a
frightening, sad, depressing, or burdensome trajectory in our final days. These
issues need to be discussed lovingly but plainly, long before these become
immediately pressing.

At 77, I am in good health; I feel energetic and productive and still have places to visit on my “bucket-list”. But, as I watch friends and family grow old, with increasing aches and pains, debilitating ailments and memory loss, I sometimes wonder how I’ll fare as I approach my own end of life.

Death Cafe

According to a Pew survey, more than a quarter of American
adults have given little or no thought to how they want doctors to handle
medical treatment at the end of their lives. Another survey, found that 90% of
Americans said it was important to talk about their own and their loved ones
end-of-life wishes, but only 30 % have actually done that.

It seems that the emergence of Death Café fills the need. These have been taking place for several
years, modeled on similar gatherings in European cities. People, mostly
strangers, gather to snack, drink tea and have frank, open conversations about death. The
objective is “to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people
make the most of their (finite) lives”. (7)

I’ve attended a Death Café meeting near my home. There were about
50 people present, ranging from college students to recent retirees, with no
preponderance of any age group. It was a group-directed discussion of death
with no agenda, objectives or themes.There
were a couple of speakers and organizers who got us started, and then we split
into smaller groups to facilitate personal discussions.

Death Café has spread throughout the world. Take a look at
the web link I’ve provided; there is likely a regular meeting not far from where
you live.

Death Over Dinner

Here’s another similar concept that is gaining momentum: Death over Dinner. The website says, “How
we want to die – represents the most important and costly conversation America
isn’t having. We have gathered dozens of medical and wellness leaders to cast
an unflinching eye at end of life, and we have created an uplifting interactive
adventure that transforms this seemingly difficult conversation into one of
deep engagement, insight and empowerment. We invite you to gather friends and
family and fill a table.” (8)

The first Death Over Dinner event took place January 2014,
with 20,000 people downloading the starter kit and more than 1,500 registering
their dinner parties.

“A lot of people (were) reluctant to talk about it
beforehand,” says Ellen Goodman, who started her “Conversation Project” in
2010. “By the end of the dinners they’ve had some of the richest conversations
they’d ever had.”

Dinner hosts can download a “Conversational Starter Kit” from the
website, which includes questions like: Do you want to live as long as
possible, no matter what; or is quality of life more important than quantity?
Where do you want to receive end-of-life care, at home, at a nursing facility
or a hospital? And what kinds of aggressive treatment would you want, or not
want, such as resuscitation if your heart stops, breathing machines or feeding
tubes? Most often, families confront these questions when it’s too late, in
hospital emergency rooms or intensive-care units.

eDeath

Most of us probably have hundreds, maybe thousands of
e-mails stored in computers, or on in the cloud. We likely have a Facebook
page, or a Twitter account, and countless photos in a Dropbox album. All that
information amounts to a digital profile of sorts.

This raises many questions: What happens to your online
material after you die? What happens to your email, passwords, website, text
messages? What will happen to your cyber presence after you’ve exited and your
e-presence still lingers? It’s helpful to create an inventory of online
accounts, to ensure your heirs know what's most important and where to find
things.

In the early days of computers, people died with passwords
in their heads and no one could access their files. When access to these files
was critical, businesses would sometimes stop while they tried to figure it out.
This is why programmers invented “death switches”. (9)

With a death switch, the computer prompts you for passwords
once a week to make sure you are still alive. When you don't enter your
password for some period of time, the computer deduces you are dead, and your
passwords are automatically e-mailed to the second-in-command.

People have started to
use death switches to reveal their bank account numbers to their heirs, to get
the last word in arguments, to confess secrets that were unspeakable during their
lifetime.

Death switches provide a good opportunity to say goodbye
electronically. People program their computers to send e-mails announcing their
own death. Imagine receiving an email like this, from a friend: "I'm dead
now and I’d like to tell you things I've always wanted to say..." (10)

What happens to your online presence after your death is
important. With Facebook, family members can choose one of two options: close
the account, or convert it into a memorial profile. Facebook's policy states
the company will never release login information to anyone other than the
account holder, even after death. (11)

The Internet provides a place for people to express thoughts
and feelings as they grieve a loss. Your social networking profile could become
a spot where your friends and family can share memories of you. People who
might not otherwise hear of your passing may learn of it through your profile
page.

Let’s Engage

For this blog, I’m asking you to engage! Don’t just
read passively.

This is an exercise that has helped me to consider my own
feelings about death. You are in good health, but are informed that you have one
week to live; you will die next Sunday, at noon. Answer the following questions
– for yourself, or directly via the blog.

What will you do
immediately? Will you quit your job? Will you tell your family?

Will you stay home? Or,
will you travel to see loved ones?

Will you get your affairs
in order? Or leave that for your family to do?

What will you do on your
last Saturday? Will you sleep well that night?

Who will you choose to be
with on Sunday morning, a few hours before noon?

What will you do in the
hours or minutes before noon? Walk on the beach? Lie in bed and wait?

Good thoughts, Jim. Like many, I'll probably put off thinking and planning for death until I get some acute terminal condition. And if I die suddenly, like many, it will be up to my family to piece things together.

Interesting thoughts. (Got to thinking that we don't talk often enough since I quit my job!) Also important thoughts.

Planning ahead saves additional grief for survivors--an ultimately unselfish act. I spent many hours sorting out my dad's and my grandmother's affairs when they passed away. Although it's a good point--I should write down my usernames/passwords somewhere so that my online accounts can be accessed.

As a Christian and contemplative (who has had "mystical" experiences), I have definite views on life after death. I've even thought about it from a quantum physics point of view--but that's going too far!!

Also, the exercise of thinking about what you'd do if you know for sure that you only have a short period to live is a great way to define what is most important to you. It is time at that very point to decide to devote more of your time to those things rather than just wasting away in front of a TV.

I'd like to plan death as I plan life - discuss it openly and freely with family and friends. There are many great examples of 'how to die'. One that comes to mind was the death of journalist Tony Snow a few years ago. His was a very public death, as he was a very public person. How he chose to live out his days was interesting in that it was his choice - its easy to 'google' it. I hope the end will bring me closer to what I loved in life and expose the false expectations that the culture imposed on me. A little like George Carlin - if he was a technology manager :)

Gary, you are indeed blessed to feel that you can discuss death openly and freely. I did look up Tony Snow, as you suggested - he died at 53, or colon cancer.

Yes, our culture brings many false expectations which make avoid the subject of the inevitable end.

I loved the way George Carlin talked about death (and everything else). Here's a quote: “The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus?"

Thank you for your beautiful questions. My answers ~ I'd bring the family together and my dear love, spend time, kiss them, touch them, love them and say goodbye...they know my wishes, and they already have anything of mine they wanted. They know I've been over...so, I'd make quick arrangements to give my things away. In a clean quiet place go into meditation...and leave. Life actually never ends. I've been...and I know. Keeping a clear, simple mind and knowing mind is everything....ahhh..how fortunate and blessed. What an adventure we each and all have here...how blessed we are to have touched each other. ra

Thanks Jim, great thoughts as always. I'm often reminded that no one gets out of here alive.

For myself I've come to understand that as we get older the passage of time seems to accelerate, the last 10 years feels like 2 or 3 at most. I'm 57 now and perhaps the most liberating idea is that I've stopped worrying about what other people think of me and started to live life with the knob twisted up as far as it will go...

I think of it as 'before I was a born I knew nothing, when I'm gone I'll know nothing' and that's it. Many of the religions suggest that there is life after death but I've come to realise that the belief has more to do with some parts of the human race being unable to face up to the facts that we are here on our own and when our time comes to depart there will be nothing there just as it was before we were born.

Now I'm happy with that, content even, so it's only the manner of ones departure that's going to matter.

I have documented my personal affairs, passwords etc so that when my loved ones and executors get to tidy up the loose ends I won't have left a horrendous mess....smile.

What will you do immediately? Contact family and friends for a get together party to celebrate the life I have lived. Will you quit your job? Yes Will you stay home?Probably not but would see the places I enjoy with my wife hopefully. Will you get your affairs in order? Estate Planning is done What will you do on your last Saturday? Will you sleep well that night? YesWho will you choose to be with on Sunday morning, a few hours before noon?My wifeWhat will you do in the hours or minutes before noon? Walk on the beach? this sounds good with my wife at the same place we were married. Do these reflections bother you? Not at all. Or help you to understand yourself? I am content with my life and the choices I have made; though all were not the best but I learned from them all. Sweet dreams

We can begin to live now if we lighten the load. By doing a Life's Review now and focusing on letting go of our harmful (and often unconscious) attachments.

Forgive ourselves of real or imagined transgressions. We cannot undue our mistakes. Most were necessary to help us grow. Worrying about yesterday drains the Life Force from our bodies.

Forgive others. Drop the grudges that steal our breath away. In the first few moments of this process, we feel lighter and full of energy.

Ask for forgiveness of the living and the dead. A biggie. Oh, the ego resists this one more fiercely than the others. Feel compassion for those who cannot let go of their anger and carry these weighty chains around each day.

Take on a work larger than yourself. The ego will be terribly offended since he is the only thing that exists. When really he doesn't exist at all except in our little heads. A calling to help others frees us from the grave of our pettiness and opens us to the infinite universe of possibilities.

Take care of the paperwork: the medical and financial. The passwords and goodbye wishes. Our precious documents and pictures and stuff. Tidy up the store. This is an act of loving kindness to one and all.

Life will be larger and lighter. Death will be easier..not easy...but easier.

This short list could take the rest of our lives whether measured in days or in decades. It is simple yet very difficult to do. Start now. Enjoy the benefits. Life is waiting for you.

In our community of the four score and moreA member’s passing brings on thoughts galoreWas the passing quite abrupt or painfully slow A ratio of grief and relief; we may never know

To the surviving partner, we stammer and hesitateWe offer condolences—attempt to commiserateBut from recent family losses; we may extrapolateA likely deep-felt wish from any departing mate

Couples bridge the topic of the ultimate eventPlans are more in order as we become further bentSo! A mate’s likely request as that last breath is goneIs hope that the lifelong partner will simply carry on

Jim, your subject of death is applicable to the widest possible audience; every living soul. It is the one truly democratic event in the life of every living human. All eventually die without prejudice or preference as to race, nationality, color, ethnicity, or national origin or for that matter without regard to religious inclination. We all receive death without signing up for any government program. Death is the one personal event that no power can deprive us of.

Trying to be factual for the Christian readers who assert that even Jesus had to die before he ascended to Heaven, they must be referred to Second Kings 2:11 which relate Elijah going to Heaven in a fiery chariot and the good book later says Elisha accompanied him.Modern theologians quibble over Elijah arriving at Heaven before Jesus got there to create the place. Nothing in religion seems to go without controversy.

Jim, many of the questions you have posed has been answered in my earlier life. My first wife Barbara and I were advised that she had only a few months to live at age 32. How should we navigate the last few months while final life and death preparations were made with a six year old daughter looking on? The ravages of brain tumors become obvious, even to a six year old, in the final weeks.

We kept our daily schedules outwardly in tact with as much together time with our daughter as possible. Burial sites were selected and funeral arrangements made without our daughter. Those events that made Barbara sad, I took care of alone. Her only other living relatives were her father and a brother which she decided could visit her during the last few weeks since they lived near the hospital. We all slept well the last night as our daughter had gone to visit her favorite grandmother. The June morning broke bright and clear as all was well with the world. Barbara had died in her sleep without pain. I went over to grandmother’s house to tell my daughter that her mother had died. Lots of tears flowed in that conversation.

Your questions are more pertinent for folks that are not in close personal relationships at the time of their demise. Most old folks, like me at 83, are free to select death options to suit ourselves. I like what I am doing in retirement and would keep on doing it up to the last day. I would sleep well the night before, rise early for a good breakfast with friends and party until the grim reaper arrived.

Being a non-believer, I expect about the same afterlife as Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorn Clemens) which I will paraphrase here. Upon my death I expect to return to the place from which I resided before life and to the best of my recollections it was not an undesirable place.

To me death is not morbid and I have no problem discussing it. However it is very sad for those of us who are left alone without our better-half. I know this well having lost two husbands. The only reason I don't want to marry again is that I cannot bear to lose another one.

As for my own life, i want to keep what is left of it as happy as possible. This entails doing all that I can to keep healthy. Fortunately for me, I come from a long-lived family. Grandpa died at 96 and my Dad was only 90, but he was a smoker.

When it is time to go I think of my great Grandmother. She was living alone in a large house, went out to enjoy her flower garden at age 98, and simply fell over and died. The mailman found her while making his deliveries.

But then there is always the possibility that I could come down with something horrible like Lou Gherig's disease. So I recently talked to my doctor about his willingness to help me with assisted suicide should that happen. He obliged, as this is legal in both Washington and Oregon. Only two doctors have to claim that the illness is terminal.

About your question of "How long do you want to live." I might say 105 right now, but then again I might wish to change my mind when that time came around. It would probably depend on what shape I was in at 105.

Yes, it very much depends on how our health is as we grow older. I've seen a lot of old people, with various debilitating illnesses - far beyond living a happy life, but our medical system keeps them alive. On the other hand, I've seen a beautiful, vibrant old lady who surprised me by saying (proudly) that she was 100 years old.

Living to 105 may be a good thought, but you're right - depends what shape you're in.

I received this email but do not know who wrote it; I wish I knew so that I could thank them. It is so appropriate for this subject.Enjoy!

The Train

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel on our side. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life. Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others will go so unnoticed that we don't realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves. The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life. I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life. Reap success and give lots of love. More importantly, thank God for the journey. Lastly, I thank you for being one of the passengers on my train.

LA Times Sunday Magazine Section "The California Sunday Magazine" had a fascinating article - Death Re-designed:https://stories.californiasunday.com/2015-04-05/death-redesigned

A well-known design firm, a corporate executive, and a hospice director work on the idea for a software app that will allow a person to make good preparations for death and provide structured information for family and loved ones to make arrangements. Excellent narrative on how the idea developed.

A good friend, fairly old lady, was dying, and her friends and family were gathered, singing. As she was laying there, very peacefully, my hand was under her back, because she seemed to want to get up. She turned, looked directly at me and said, "I have died." She did not say, "I am dying". As I continued to comfort her, she smiled as she looked up and said with a smile, "The door is closed and the gate is open. I have died". And then, about 5 minutes later, she died, very peacefully.