Blitz

[:en]Recently I was accused of beingA�- a cursed creature doomed to leave a gathering right before things get awesome. Of course since the second I leave a gathering, so does awesome, it’s impossible for me to ever be The Blitz, Ted.

Anúncio

The whole traumatic ordeal got me thinking about famous Blitzes throughout history. Here are some of my all-time favorite Blitzes…

Uffgo

8000 B.C.

Skips out on buddy’s twig-rubbing experiment to hit himself in the head with rocks.

Alexander Eder

1492

Original captain of the Santa Maria. Rather than voyage across the Atlantic, turns the keys over to his first mate Christopher Columbus and jumps ship in Spain so he can fabric shop.

Dan and Rick

1800

Turned down President Jefferson’s request to lead an expedition through the untamed West because they didn’t want to miss their fantasy “hoop rolling” draft.

Lloyd Peachpit

1815

Shot down his best friend Johnny Appleseed’s idea of a road trip to plant their respective fruits on account of wagon sickness.

Otis Wright

1903

Bailed on brothers Wilbur and Orville’s first flight to get a head start on the day’s potato peeling.

Private Turner

1945

Passed on helping his buddies plant the flag on Iwo Jima to “squeeze in a little nappy nap.”

Tim Butler

1953

Hugh Hefner invites him over to spitball magazine ideas but he’s busy affixing streamers to his bicycle’s handlebars.

Gary Armstrong

1969

Bored with the news coverage, Gary changes channels to watch Hollywood Squares and misses his cousin landing on the moon.

Carl MacLaren

1974

Turns down neighbor Eddie Van Halen’s offer to play bass for his fledgling band in order to “get his pong on” at the Laundromat.