Thursday, August 11, 2011

Run away from home?.... That's not me.

Every teen faces a time when he feels intense anger towards his parents. I am no exception.

We have our Unit Tests in 6 days and for me, it’s a big deal. I have to get good marks here because I know that it will boost my confidence levels before the exams. Well, we have 4 days of holidays from tomorrow so I thought, why not spend them in studying.

I have always wanted to study in groups because I feel like I would learn more there. When I’m on my own, I have no competition, but when I’m with other students there is some competition which forces my mind to learn and do things faster. So, this competitive nature in me would make me do/learn things better.

I thought, why not spend the next 4 days at my friend’s house? When I say 4 days, I mean, 5 hours each day. This friend lives 6 km away but he’s the nearest. I thought, why not do group study with him and another friend of mine? That would definitely be better. I don’t really mind the commute time because I think that the advantage in group-studying would definitely outweigh it.

So, before asking that friend if it’s ok(because I know he’s gonna say ok) I drew out a plan for the next four days. The chapters that we were going to revise and the guidelines for studying. I spent quite a lot of time on that and when I was finally pleased with the result, I decided to call him.

I called him and asked if it would be okay and he said that it’s perfectly alright if I came over. Well, I was happy because it was going to be my first such thing and I also wanted to help those friends get better marks.

Well, I hadn’t asked my parent’s permission yet but, I was so sure that they were going to say okay. Sadly, that wasn’t to be so.

I went to my mom and told her “Mom, I’m going to Ibrahim’s house tomorrow.” I expected her to reply something like “Why?” but she in a surprising tone of ‘denial’ said “No. You are not going to go.” I was taken aback to be honest. She replied in a cold and firm voice, one that I wasn’t really familiar with. I got a bit irritated and said “For Studying!” she said “No.” I said “Why? I’m going for studying!” she then replies “No. You don’t need to go his house to do that. Our house is perfectly alright.” Well, that surprised me even more. I mean, she seemed adamant and I realized that this conversation was going nowhere, so I just backed off. I mean, I could’ve pleaded more but I knew that it wasn’t going to yield much.

My mind was really very angry on her. I mean, what reason did she have to decline me? I mean, I wasn’t doing anything wrong was I? She even refused to give me a satisfactory reason for declining me. That sure angered me. But the real reason for all that anger was not not being able to go to my friend’s house tomorrow but for being declined. I mean, I drew out all those plans and now, they weren’t of any use. I mean, WTF. All that for nothing? And, I’d already told my friend that I was going to come. Calling him up and telling him that I wasn’t going to come didn’t exactly feel good.

Well, I called him up nevertheless and told him that I wasn’t going to come. When he asked why, I replied that mom told me not to go and thankfully he didn’t ask me more questions.

But, it still surprises me, the way my mom declined me. I mean, I never really get declined much because I don’t ask for exorbitant things. And, the way she did it sort of took me aback. I mean, she was very adamant about not letting me go.

She probably told me not to go because she thought that it was a waste of time, that we’d play and not study. She even said “You’re in 10th now. No need to go. You can study on your own.” Really, I don’t like being told to(nobody does).But yeah, I was really angry on her. Infact, I even thought of how I could bite back at her and the first thought that came to me was “Don’t STUDY for your exams. REBEL!!” but I shooed it away. I got this thought in the past too but I realized that it wasn’t going to help anyone. After all, I’m responsible if I get less marks and the scoldings are to be received by me not by her.

Then came the thought “Go without telling her. Who need’s permission?” Well, I must admit, I indeed did ponder on this thought but, I just didn’t feel like doing it. I mean, I’m a kid who respects his parents and I just can’t do this! It’s just not me. I am indeed capable of doing this but I’m not going to do it(Atleast for now).

Then came the thought “You’re almost 15 years old. You can do anything you want. You don’t need permission from your mom.” But, this too wasn’t really a strong argument.

Okay, I’ll let you guys on a secret. Few years back, my mom took away my laptop. She said that she isn’t going to give it me until I study. I considered running away from home as a form of rebellion. I indeed seriously considered it. But, then, common sense and emotional feelings prevailed. My mind thankfully didn’t concede to the devil. It asked me “What once you run away?” I thought, and I realized that running away from home meant that I was going to have to spend the night or day on the foot-path or on some stone somewhere. It meant that I wasn’t sure of getting a good meal the next day. It meant that I no longer had the protection of somebody to keep me safe. Then my mind told me “Think about your parents. Is this the way you want to trouble them?” I thought again. I could imagine how sad(another word is supposed to come here, can’t seem to remember it) they would feel. I really didn’t feel like I was ready for all that but I needed further reasons. My mind then asked me “Why are you running away from home?” This question made me think twice. I realized that the reason I was running away from was just that my mom had taken away my laptop. I then asked myself “Is a laptop worth all this?” The answer was “No.” It was then that I decided that I wasn’t going to run away from my house. It wasn’t worth it. It was only a few weeks later that I realized how foolish I was and that I had made the correct choice.

Ooooo…I am so sorry, I became nostalgic.

Anyway, coming back, I thought on it a lot but I still couldn’t find any reason for my mom declining me so stubbornly. I even considered a few more options but upon thinking realized that they just weren’t worth it. I still don’t know why but the anger has subsided a bit. Thanks to this post and also because everything’s alright now. So, everything’s all good now. No thoughts of running away :P

I guess I’ll have to study all by myself tomorrow and possibly devise a way through which I can create imaginary competition and study well. Wish me luck guys.

And, one more thing, elder’s are supposed to be better in judgement than children and I think it’s true but this time around, nothing could be more false.