Contents

Look at that subtle off-white coloring; the tasteful thickness of it... Oh my God, it even has a watermark.

I live in the American Gardens Building on West 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.

Their early work was a little too 'new-wave' for my taste, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own - both commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

In '87, Huey released this, Fore!, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip To Be Square", a song so catchy most people probably don't listen to the lyrics - but they should! Because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself! Hey Paul!

I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

[to two prostitutes] Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to "Land of Confusion". In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. "In Too Deep" is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as, uh, anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like "In the Air Tonight" and, uh, "Against All Odds". Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is "Sussudio", a great, great song, a personal favorite.

Howard! It's Bateman, Patrick Bateman. You're my lawyer so I think you should know I've killed a lot of people. Some escort girls in an apartment uptown... uh... some homeless people maybe five or ten. Uh... Some NYU girl I met in Central Park, I left her in a parking lot behind some donut shop, I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nailgun and... some man, some old faggot with a dog. Last week I killed another girl... with a chainsaw... I had to, she almost got away. And there... was someone else there I don't remember, maybe a model, but sh- she's dead, too. And, uh- PAUL ALLEN! I killed Paul Allen with an axe! In the face! His body is dissolving in a bathtub in Hell's Kitchen! I don't want to leave anything out here — I guess I've killed maybe... 20 people... maybe 40! Uh- huh huh-I have uh... tapes of a lot of it. Some of the girls have seen the tapes — I even... I ate some of their brains and I tried to cook a little. Tonight, I uh- just had to kill a lot of people! And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it... this time. I mean... I mean I guess I'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, I may show up at Harry's Bar. So, you know, keep your eyes OPEN. Okay, bye.

There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone; in fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.

Bateman[internal monologue]: Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God; It even has a watermark.

(Bateman seethes)

Carruthers: Something wrong? ...Patrick? You're sweating.

Bateman: Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?

Van Patten: Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar?

Bateman: No, serial killer, Wisconsin in the fifties.

McDermott: So what did Ed say?

Bateman: When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I think two things. One part of me wants to take her out and talk to her and be real nice and sweet and treat her right.

McDermott: And what did the other part think?

Bateman: What her head would look like on a stick. [chuckles]

Bateman: I don't think we should see each other any more.

Evelyn: Why? What's wrong?

Bateman: My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected, but, ah, I have no other way to fulfill my needs.

Evelyn: What about the past?

Bateman: We never really shared one.

Evelyn: You're inhuman.

Bateman: No...I'm in touch with humanity. Evelyn, i'm sorry, i just uh...You're not terribly important to me.

Waiter: Would you like to hear today's specials?

Bateman: Not if you want to keep your spleen.

Bateman: Come on, Bryce. There are a lot more important problems than Sri Lanka to worry about.

Bryce: Like what?

Bateman: Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people.

Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humour.

Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.

Bateman: Yes, Allen?

Paul Allen: Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?

Bateman: No, Allen.

Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?

Bateman: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore!, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. [rapidly, as if agitated] But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. [raises axe above head] Hey Paul!

[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]

Bateman: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!