Reality Bites – Session 7: Gory Days

Every week, a diverse panel of Bon Temps residents gather to watch and discuss each new episode of HBO’s True Blood. The sessions are moderated by Nina Harken, PhD candidate interested in finding out what the real folks of Bon Temps think of the portrayal of their town and their people on HBO‘s hit series.

NINA:
Wow…that was quite an intense ending…anyone care to share any thoughts?

[CHUCK and ELIJAH both have their fangs out and are staring at the TV screen intently. ELIJAH’S gaze shifts toward MADISON.]

ELIJAH
Would you like to step out for a drink?

MADISON
I’d love too.

[MADISON’S Mother smacks MADISON on the shoulder. MADISON shakes her head and blinks a couple of times.]

NINA
None of that, Elijah. That was the deal.

[ELIJAH’S fangs retract as he looks somewhat defeated.]

MADISON
How cool is it that Eric is that close to fulfilling a 2,000 year old promise of vengeance?

BYRON
It is quite interesting to see Mr. Northman maneuver around all of the players in this game. We clearly know what he wants, but it is fascinating to see what he will do to achieve it.

CHUCK
They better not kill off that Sookie girl. Not only is she hot but she’s one of the few main girl characters who will actually get naked.

NATHAN
I mean, I know they won’t kill her. You can’t kill off the main character of the series. But… man, they sure know how to make you nervous, showing clips of her in the hospital…

MADISON
Yeah! That was freaky.

NATHAN
But supposedly they’re going to kill someone. Or a few someones.

NINA
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, here. What about this episode?

NATHAN
I don’t know… I thought the King’s whole plan of world domination seemed a little lame. He sounds like a bad comic book villian.

BYRON
Supernaturals, as I understand, are just like nationalities, very set in their ways, their traditions. It makes adjusting to each other unnecessarily difficult.

ELIJAH
And humans do not make anything easier with their judgements and self-entitled attitude.

MADISON
Excuse me?

ELIJAH
Sorry, darlin’, but it is true.

MADISON
What about Lafayette and Jesus? It’s so sad that Jesus left him.

CHUCK
Can’t say I was too comfortable with that whole situation.

MADISON
Seriously? They were adorable.

HENRIETTA
But that Lafayette is a drug dealer. That boy is only trouble. Even Jesus couldn’t save him.

MADISON
We don’t know that yet.

NATHAN
Is Jesus something?

NINA
What do you mean?

NATHAN
Like, a supernatural of some kind? Clearly not a vampire, but a shifter or something?

TRACY
Don’t think he’s a were.

BYRON
It is very possible he is some kind of supernatural, perhaps one we haven’t seen yet.

NINA
Well, we can’t discuss this any further until we see more episodes. How about the whole Tara story line?

HENRIETTA
How could Tara not know to use a stake? Heaven Almighty, the good Lord grace that child with several weapons that could have easily been used as a stake and she chose that?

CHUCK
Easy there grandma.

TRACY
Yeah, Tara’s pretty much screwed. Though it was awesome how she out-thought that werewolf from Coot’s pack to save Sookie.

MADISON
I was also happy to see that Alcide didn’t abandon Sookie. And OMG, we finally saw him as a wolf!

TRACY
Oooo, thats so exciting…it’s like we haven’t seen any other wolves yet.

ELIJAH
So here’s a query: I’m ecstatic that Jessica is feeding like we ought to be feeding, but if she is so upset that she’s going to kill her dinner, why doesn’t she just drink True Blood?

CHUCK
You can actually suck that stuff down? I thought you were better than that.

ELIJAH
You thought? Most impressive.

MADISON
Is there really that much of a difference between human blood and True Blood?

ELIJAH & CHUCK
Yes.

NATHAN
Elijah is right, they do stock True Blood at Merlotte’s. Why doesn’t she just drink that?

HENRIETTA
I gotta say this: The people who make this show finally got something right about Bon Temps. That lady in the bar who was there ’til all hours of the evening is just like that Tillie Thibedeaux. Walking ’round town with curlers in her hair, in her night gown. Mmm-mmm.

MADISON
Oh, I know that lady! My friends say she likes to come into the diner right before they close and orders a huge meal.

HENRIETTA
In’t she something? Rudest woman to walk this good earth.

NATHAN
Was anyone honestly surprised about the whole dog fighting thing with Sam’s brother? I thought that one was too easy.

TRACY
Dogs fighting is one thing. It happens. Dogs will be dogs. But to be forced to do it for money? Horrible.

BYRON
That Tommy needs to stand up for himself. No man, shifter or otherwise, should be forced into something so violent at someone else’s behest.

MADISON
Is there really dog fighting around here?

BYRON
No there is not.

NINA
Oh, I just thought of something. This episode was awful bloody. Too bloody?

NATHAN
Lorena messed up Bill real good. It had to be like slow torture.

ELIJAH
I’m just assuming that was her point.

MADISON
Would a vampire really do that?

ELIJAH
… I don’t know. I do know that the show has properly indicated the bond between a vampire and his maker. Whether it is like a parent and child, or two lovers, there is blood shared. The relationship is a lasting one. To kill your own creation cannot be easy.

CHUCK
Yeah, what he said.

MADISON
But why would she let the werewolves drink his blood? That seemed mean.

TRACY
Those two weres are trash.

CHUCK
I’m the drinker. I don’t want nobody drinking from me.

TRACY
Who would want to?

NINA
Alright, alright. I’m glad these conversations can go on their own without too much intervention on my part. I appreciate it. To encourage more True Blood fan feedback, our Bon Temps Residents panel has agreed to field questions and comments from fellow “Trubies.” Leave your question or comment in the space below and perhaps someone from our panel will respond directly to you. Thanks and good night.

Authors: Sarah Pugh and Cory Brin

Header: K. Rose

This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. “Reality Bites” and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.