I know your name, I know your family, but I don't know you. The phone call Igot about you was the one I dread. "Father, so and so has passed away, andthe family wants to know when you can serve the funeral"

What am I supposed to do? I've been in this parish long enough to have seenand met anyone who has even the slightest connection with our community.I've never seen you in Church. I've never spoken with you. I've nevernoticed you at a Panakhyda, a wedding, a baptism, or a funeral. Where haveyou been?

Were you a believer? If you were a believer, you certainly didn't act likeone. What I mean is that there has always been a clear set of expectationsset before anyone who wishes to call themselves a Christian. Christiansapproach Holy Confession and Holy Communion at least once a year, forexample. You didn't. Christians support the Church with their time, money,and talents. You didn't. Christians attend Divine Services regularly. You,to my knowledge, and to the knowledge of everyone I've talked to, haven'tdarkened the door of our church in years.

From what I've been told you were rather successful at what you did. Youobviously spent lots of time learning career skills, spent lots of timeworking and making money. From your address I see that you certainly werewell off financially. But even this confuses me, because our parish keepsrecords of everyone who donates even the smallest amount of money, and I'venever seen your name there. You had money for the government. You had moneyfor food. You had money for shelter, for vacations, for a cottage, forconcerts, and for restaurants. Yet now that you're dead it's the Church, thesame Church you didn't support when you had the chance, that gets asked tobury you.

"But he was baptized here", they tell me. Sometimes I think thesectarians are right, and we should wait until people reach the age ofreason so that they might consciously accept baptism, with all itsconsequences and responsibilities. The fact that you were baptized heresimply underlines the fact that someone failed-perhaps your family, perhapsour community, perhaps you yourself-in your Christian upbringing anddevelopment. If you hadn't been baptized you (and your parents andgodparents) would at least have an excuse for your conduct.

At times like this I just want to go on vacation, and let a substitutepriest deal with things, because not knowing the situation at least he won'thave qualms of conscience.

Did you believe in God, or did you mock God? Wereyou positively disposed to the Church and Her teachings, or did you activelysupport social and moral teachings? Not knowing these things, I don't know if it's proper to bury you.

A Christian burial is for Christians. Were you? The Church alwaysgives the benefit of the doubt, but we've got to base that benefit onsomething. So far, I'm drawing a blank.

What do I say to your family? They are distressed and heartbroken. All of usrealize that death is just around the corner, that a weak heart, a drunkdriver, or any of a myriad of other causes can snuff out our life even as wefeel ourselves to be young, healthy, and in control of our destiny. Yoursudden death, not having time to say even a simple "good-bye, I love you"has devastated them. I hope there were no unresolved conflicts, because in acase like this it makes those left behind even more distraught, andsometimes those wounds never heal.

The one thing I can say for sure is that you do have a few devout relatives,people who truly love God and serve Him in any way they can. While most ofyour friends and family would be only mildly upset if I didn't bury you. (Iactually think they'd be happier. A "rent-a-preacher" service would beshorter and more easily forgotten, and afterwards they'd have thesatisfaction of complaining about how the priest was "unfair" or"judgmental" and feel justified in not having anything to do with theChurch. Until they wanted a nice wedding. Or to baptize their child. Ordied). It's these pious relatives who are foremost in my mind as I considerwhat to do.

But as the saying goes, "God has children, but no grandchildren". It doesn'tmatter whether our parents or aunts or uncles are saintly, or priests, orbishops, or whatever, it's what we ourselves do with the time, talents andmaterial wealth which God has given to us which will either open or lock thegates of Heaven for us. If we don't want to be saved even God Himself can'tforce us (and God can do anything!).

The bottom line, you see, is that I don't feel comfortable making eitheryou, or me, or the Church into a hypocrite. Jesus preached love, but He alsopreached truth and responsibility. He accepted the worst sinners whorepented, but he condemned everyone (the "church people" first andforemost!) who was hypocritical.

So you see, my problem is not that you werea sinner. I'm a sinner too. My problem is that if you consciously chose notto have anything to do with the Church during your lifetime then burying youfrom the Church makes you into a hypocrite, which I don't want to do. If Idecide to bury you for a stipend, or just in order not to "make waves" inthe community, I'm then a hypocrite. And if hypocritical priests buryhypocritical laymen it certainly makes the Church appear hypocritical,doesn't it?

"But the Church is full of hypocritical people", you might say. You'reright, and again, I'm one of them. I personally would rather deal with anhonest agnostic than a nominal believer. But the very fact that someone iswilling to give God the "benefit of the doubt" (if not real faith) by payingtheir parish membership, by being well disposed towards the Church, byshowing up for the occasional religious or cultural or social gatheringreally does mean something. We are taught that when we take one step towardsGod, He comes running toward us (you may have heard the story of theprodigal son. It's been on the best seller list for a long time). At thismoment I'd really like to learn about any conscious step you may have takenin your adult life towards God. I'm not having much luck.

So I don't know what to do. I don't know whether giving you a Christianburial will be for God's glory, or compromise the Churches authority anddiscipline. We all know that a funeral has absolutely nothing to do withwhether we go to heaven or not. Many saints didn't receive a Christianburial, but are in heaven. Others, who were buried with great pomp andceremony but had grave, unrepented sins weren't helped by their funerals,because repenting is one of the few things only we can do for ourselves. Inany other sphere of life a different set of expectations is in place-if I'mnot in the army, for example, and ask for a military funeral the officer atthe local base will not only deny my request, he'll think that I'm crazy.But the Church, is, well, supposed to be different!

"But Father, the funeral is for the living". If I hear this nonsense onemore time I think I'm going to be sick. I've never heard of a funeral beingserved for someone who was alive. Orthodox Christians believe that prayersfor the dead can be beneficial. We don't believe in "closed casket"funerals, or worse yet, funerals without a corpse. Yes, a funeral, piouslyserved and chanted, with a proper sermon, can bring great comfort to thegrieving and spiritual edification (sometimes even enlightenment) to thosepresent. But it's my experience that people "write their own eulogy". Incases like yours lying won't do, and telling the truth might not be terriblycomfortable.

So forgive me. If I was wiser, and more compassionate, and holier, I'd knowwhat to do, what to say. But I don't. Am I going to serve the funeral? Idon't know yet. The only thing I know for sure is that at this moment I hopeand pray with all my heart that your current dilemma is less traumatic thanmine. But somehow I doubt it.

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Orthodoc

Logged

Oh Lord, Save thy people and bless thine inheritance.Grant victory to the Orthodox Christians over their adversaries.And by virtue of thy Cross preserve thy habitation.

"Human life consists in mutual service. No grief, pain, misfortune, or "broken heart," is excuse for cutting off one's life while any power of service remains. But when all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one." -Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Note: It was a reference to suicide but even cutting off life support(Church) is damaging to the health