Saturday, 28 March 2009

Hey folks, It's been a few weeks but now i'm back! Just gonna give yous a brief update.Nothing major has happened yet in my 'kingdom of empty' , but the job prospects are looking up.I should be starting voluntary work with a local nursery in the next 2 weeks, if the damn training providers pull their fingers out lol! Also, I have applied for a few part time jobs in the meantime so that i can pursue all the things i enjoy once i start my training! (cinemagoing, drinking, shopping...i know.the usual lady things i guess, but things i have sorely missed over the last couple of years and i AM a lady so i deserve to enjoy them!) I managed to bash out a few badass cover letters too, that's the spirit, knock'em dead) In other news, I'm starting to feel a little isolated, as in i feel i've lost a few ties with old friends.You know how it is when you make contact after a few years and they've settled down,had a couple of sprogs,rolling around in seemingly domestic bliss? yeah, that's me right now.Most attempts at trying to meet with people in the last week have been met with 'oh, i'm meeting this person or that person,sorry' or 'taking the littleun to whatchamacallit, another time'.See the thing is,I havent a penny to my name at the moment and i'm starting to think noone wants to give me the time of day just cos i'm broke! pathetic i know, and i'm not MAD at them for being busy parents but who wouldn't feel pathetic in my situation? And there i go feeling sorry for myself again...not taking responsibility for my own actions blah blah blah.Yeah, the self help books may have upped my confidence in the wake of what's happened but it doesn't stop me feeling JUST A LITTLE BIT crap :( So right now, I send e-hugs to everyone who's lost their job in these dark and desperate times...and pretty much everyone else who's feeling a bit low. Anyways, enough of that.I DO go on, don't i?! so much for the 'brief' update...well i felt like having a rant, and suddenly afterwards things don't sound too gloomy! It's like I've actually stepped into the quagmire that is my head and dug all the worms out :) (and i know theyr'e good for the soil but the last thing i need up there are those slimy little blighters!)

If anyone wants to send me a hug back,please feel free....I like them :)

And to any of my friends who may have read this, I still love you, i'm just going through the motions!! X

Monday, 9 March 2009

Today's motto: You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind.

Well helloes again,

I'm not writing shitloads today but thought i'd give you a couple of little updates....

firstly,I've got a nursery placement sorted :) Just need to chase up the pissing paperwork before i can actually start earning a few bob and begin living life again.Bumped into an old friend yesterday (whilst on the way to a friend's...yes, i do have friends now! lol!) and it cheered me up so much,he hasn't changed one bit in 6 years.He suggested that myself and a few others should get together soon and have a few drinks-just those few words really brightened up my day and reminded me that true friends will always remember you.One of my best mates Sam had a heart-to-heart with me yesterday,she has been so supportive over these last few weeks, as has one of my other closest friends Laura.I look at them struggling to keep it together as single mums and that puts all my problems into perspective....I have genuine hope now.I'm not clinging onto the unattainable.I feel stronger,wiser,refreshed.After only 6 weeks!I'm gonna go all hippy-ish on you now and say I'm proof that no matter how much shit is thrown at you,you CAN wash it off!!

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Well, today's gone pretty well in relation to previous weeks.I have an interview tomorrow at a local pre-school for a voluntary placement which will hopefully pay once my apprenticeship paperwork is sorted out! whoop whoop!I'm back in the library (again!) ....god knows when i'll get my own inet back but one thing at a time eh...i need monehs for that!Dad has asked me to find out what goes with lobster as he's gonna be cooking it for dinner sometime this week.I dunno...peas? llamas? bricks?As you may have gathered i am in yet another weird mood...but at least it's a better one.I think I'm finally starting to adjust to thinking independently again.It's horrible when you feel you are relying on someone else for pretty much everything, even your next thought!! I'm consumed with future plans at the moment! some of those things are....

To travel (I've got america,Iceland,Aussie,New Zealand and Japan on the list)To drive!! (It's about bloody time i had my own car)To start drawing againTo cook moreTo lose another stone!

I mean let's face it, i'm doing quite well here.I havent set completely inachievable goals, which makes me feel like I'm on the track to finding a purpose :)I'm also going to set myself a daily goal or motto, so that even when i'm bored shitless i can still find the motivation to breathe!

Today then, i'm gonna make you laugh with this joke that my friend Sam sent me last night...

An 80 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm sample to the doctor.he turns up 2 days later with an empty jar.the nurse asks 'why no sample...?' he says 'sorry...i tried with my right hand, then my left...then my wife tried with both hands,then her mouth...1st with teeth in then teeth out...then we got ethel from next door to try but it was no good! we just couldnt get the bloody jar open!!'

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Right that's it.I've got so much stuff to get off my chest it's unfathomable, and i figured one of the best ways i can do that is via a blog!

The situation is as follows...I'm a 23 year old (somewhat mental) female who has found herself in a little bit of a predicament.I broke up with the bf about 6 weeks ago,moved back to my folks,still not properly sorted myself out....emotions still high...etc etc.I won't bore you any more with that.I'm currently jobless,it was all my own fault, i chose not to return to work cos trust me-i was in no fit state! but everyone makes mistakes and i guess that's what makes us human.I'm properly cursing myself now for the way things are, but i'm making progress,I've bashed out so many CV's now that i can actually hear the cows slowly mooing their way home ^^Something must come up, surely.you throw enough shit at the wall and some of it's gonna stick,is it not?I'll keep everyone posted on this....In other news, i'm really just missing friends at the moment...They're around,but theyr'e all so busy and they have MONEY!! (kindly make all donations payable to stefsayssomething.com.)I'm sure i won't feel like this forever,but right now i really need a purpose in life!! I can't even concentrate on a book at the moment cos my brain has gone to noodles :-S