Sunday, January 6, 2008

Lisa Tarbuck is on to me

I thought I should probably elaborate on the 'Lisa Tarbuck is a horrible bitch' theme which ended my last post. I am having troubles with this though as there is a naked man lying next to me. Even though he's asleep I still want to....

Yes! So, this naked man, MM, hurrah! Slightly less fun in the naked men department is my ex (baptised Fuckface, or FF, by my mother). Who has taken it upon himself to print out every lavacious email I've ever sent, regardless of whether we were together at the times it was sent or not, and put them in a nice folder for me to read. Then! Has decided that this wasn't creepy enough. We were 'meant to be together' and for gods sakes can't I see that if someone is invading my privacy like that it means that they care about me? 'I have a ring that's just itching to get back on your finger'

Its slightly scary watching someone depart from reality. Especially someone you cared about for so long.

So let us say that songs about relationships ending are not songs I want to listen to. Nor are songs about how depressed someone is because they're alone, or anything really who's music reads: 40 = quaver dolce.

This is all the woman plays. Add to that her theme of the show is usually something obviously aimed at the easily frightened audiences. Mark needs some advice for a first date! Why is Caroline alone? Why not listen to this man bend balloons whilst I go: Ohhhh! For a while?

By the end of her show if you were not already depressed about something one of the songs would have gotten you. And then when you were trying to claw your way out of said depressed with some sort of amusing banter you'd hear: Now everyone get their sweets out! Yes, now.. eat! Followed by 12 callers asking permission to open whichever sweets were available, which will cause you to lose faith in human kinds artistic and intellectual progress. And as you raise the gun to your head you will hear: Oh! It's very hard to describe over the radio...