The girl that I marry will have to be A purple skinned beauty with 2 heads or 3 The girl I call my wife Will have a nose with 8 nostrils you play like a fife The girl I propose to Will have 7 toes too Like me.

I have often walked down the street before But there once was......

I can't remember.

Actually, they did several shows over the years - I'm sure they did West Side Story but I can't remember any of the song parodies from that one.

I was a Mad fan once but that was about 40 years ago now! But I did buy a couple for my daughter when she was school age. Robyn

I wandered lonely as a clod, Just picking up old rags and bottles; When onward on my way I trod, I saw a host of axolotls. Beside the lake, beneath the trees A sight to make a man's blood freeze. Some had handles, some were plain; They came in blue, red, pink and green. Some were orange in the main-- The damnedest sight I've ever seen. The females gave a spritely glance, The male ones all wore knee-length pants.

"My" era was late '50s - early '60s and I memorized (not exactly intentionally) a lot of Mad doggeral. Wish I could find copies of the originals to see if my memory is any good! (Especially of "The Spaniel", the Mad parody of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven".)

I think that I should never hear A poem as lovely as a beer. The brew that Joe's Bar has on tap With golden base and flowing cap. The stuff I sit and drink all day Until my memory melts away. Poems are made by fools, I fear, But only Schlitz can make a beer.

or

Tigers, Tigers, fighting bright In the ball parks of the night Your pitching's fair, your field adroit, So why no pennants for Detroit?

You blaze around the big league parks With bats that fairly give off sparks, But when they total up the score You've lost again to Baltimore.

The Cleveland Indians go to work. They beat you good, so does New York. When Boston adds a mortal blow, All you can shout's "Look out below!"

Tigers, Tigers, fighting bright In the ball parks of the night. Someday the fans will get their fill And ship the team to Louisville.

You can get 50+ years of MAD Magazine from 1952-2006 on 2 DVDs... 600 issues, 17,500 pages. I've just ordered it, not got it yet, so not sure what it's like in terms of quality.

I don't think I've read MAD in decades, but I've fond memories of the late-60s era and can recall several artists - Don Martin, Al Jaffee, Dave Berg, Mort Drucker (the film parodies), Sergio Aragones (the marginal drawn-out dramas) - off the top of my head, which I can't say about many other comic artists (except Frank Bellamy of TV21/Thunderbirds/Zero-X fame. And Her"Tintin"Ge, of course).

When I mentioned MAD-DVD to my brother, he asked how you would get the inside-back-cover foldins to work. I didn't know, but I just found the New York Times, of all places, has a few interactive MAD foldins on their site.

In 1961, a group of music publishers representing songwriters such as Irving Berlin, Richard Rodgers and Cole Porter filed a $25 million lawsuit against Mad for copyright infringement following "Sing Along With Mad," a collection of parody lyrics "sung to the tune of" many popular songs. The publishing group hoped to establish a legal precedent that only a song's composers retained the right to parody that song. The U.S. District Court ruled largely in favor of Mad in 1963, affirming its right to print 23 of the 25 song parodies under dispute. An exception was found in the cases of two parodies, "Always" (sung to the tune of "Always") and "There's No Business Like No Business" (sung to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business"). Relying on the same verbal hooks ("always" and "business"), these were found to be overly similar to the originals. The music publishers appealed the ruling, but the U.S. Court of Appeals not only upheld the pro-Mad decision in regard to the 23 songs, it stripped the publishers of their limited victory regarding the remaining two songs. The publishers again appealed, but the Supreme Court refused to hear it, thus allowing the decision to stand.[13][21]

This precedent-setting case established the rights of parodists and satirists to mimic the meter of popular songs. However, the "Sing Along With Mad" songbook was not the magazine's first venture into musical parody. In 1960, Mad had published "My Fair Ad-Man," a full advertising-based spoof of the hit Broadway musical "My Fair Lady." In 1959, "If Gilbert & Sullivan wrote Dick Tracy" was one of the speculative pairings in "If Famous Authors Wrote the Comics".

Very interesting! Those are the ones I remember. And this bit could have been a problem for many of us:

"The publishing group hoped to establish a legal precedent that only a song's composers retained the right to parody that song."

Micca - I thought at first yours was from Lord Buckley; but of course, it's not. His version of Mark Anthony went: "Hipsters, flipsters and finger-poppin' daddies. Knock me your lobes."

I remember one of the Mad Magazine parodies had Napoleon singing, to the tune of We'll Have Manhattan: "I'll conquer Russia / Then all of Prussia / I will win. / Then I'll go marching in / Berlin."

But, for some reason, the one that's stuck in my mind in its entirety is a Christmas parody, to the tune of Deck The Halls: Deck the bars with Christmas drinking Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la See the people getting stinking Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Though their brains are half corroded, Fa-la-la la-la la-la-la-la

Deck the bars with Christmas drinking Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la See the people getting stinking Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Though their brains are half corroded, Fa-la-la la-la-la la-la-la Still they try to drive home loaded Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.

See the busy intersection Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Here come cars from each from each direction Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la See the pile-up as they're meeting Fa-la-la la-la-la la-la-la What a novel Christmas greeting Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la

Do you know, that must have been rattling around in my head for 35 years and - apart from humming it to myself - I've never had any cause to use it, until now. This will probably prove quite cathartic. Thanks, Fred.

When you eat meat and hate the meat that you're eating you have surely got...Ground Round! It's so unnerving when they're constantly serving in an eating spot...Ground Round! It may be called a chopped steak, Salisbury, or beef patty. No matter what it's called it's always overcooked and fatty. What can you do? Call out to your waiter there, beat down on your table stand up on your chair and sayGround Round! piled on my plate I seeGround Round! you're always conning me!Ground Round! Why does it have to be Ground Round... Ground Round... Ground Round...[fade out]

"Casey, Casey, we'll lead the gang all through: Drive half-crazy, right down the avenue, We'll do a ton up the M1. Old ladies we will knock down, And we'll not stop for any cop, On our motorbike built for two"

Four score and like seven years ago Our old daddies came on this scene With a new group, grooved in free kicks And hip to the jazz that all cats make it the same. ... We're here on a wild spot of that hassle And we've got eyes to tag a bit as a lay down pad For those who here conked out that our group might still score. It's frantically cool and jivey that we're on this kick But in a bigger ribble we can't clue in, we can't sound off...

4 score and like 7 years ago our old daddies came on this scene with a new group grooved in free kicks, and hip to the jazz that all cats make it the same. Now we're real hung up in a crazy big hassle, digging whether that group, or any group so grooved and so hip, can keep on swinging. We're making it on a wild spot of that hassle. We've got eyes to tag a little of that spot as a last lay-down pad for those who here conked out, so that group might still score. It's frantically cool and jivey that we're on this kick. But in a bigger ribble. we can't shake up, we can't sound off, we can't even clue in this jazz. The cool cats. with us and down yonder, who flipped here, have pegged it straighter tha we could ever mess with. The squares will never buy this bit, nor dig the lyrics we spiel here; but they can't ever put down what those studs did here. It's for us, the on-cats, who ought to pick up on those still-wailing blues which the off-cats who goofed here have blown so crazily up to now. MAN!! Like we really ought to be here with eyes fixed on this wild gig that still needs action, that from those far-out D.O.A. is we get a little higher on that kick for which they really went and flipped their gaskets; that we take it on to set straight - that these cats shall not have kicked off squares; that this group under God, shall blow a crazy new sound, and that a hot combo - of the hipsters, by the hipsters and for the hipsters, shall not cut from this scene.

One of my most frequent citations is from MAD's take off on Chuck Connors' "The Rifle, man."

As they are wandering through the West, with Chuck blowing people away on sight, his son asks: "Daddy, you say you're a peace loving man; so how come you keep killing them?" The reply: "There ain't nothin' so peaceful as a dead man, son."

Ringo, Paul, George and John Played a trick and put us on: They said Paul was dead as nails And rocketed the record sales!

I subscribed to MAD for a few years during puberty and finally cancelled when I'd gotten sick of it. I saw William Gaines on a Saturday morning children's TV show and I vaguely remember the interview. There was a question about doing something different and he responded by saying something about having a recipe (or something) and sticking to it. I felt rather let down and disappointed, however, it was obviously true. Very shortly afterwards I cancelled my subscription. Mostly, MAD's style of humor irritates me now, whereby I mean my memories of it, since I don't think I've looked inside one since the mid-1970s. However, I can appreciate the talent and skill that went into it.

I have mixed feelings about William Gaines. According to what I've read, his very gruesome horror comics were a major factor in the introduction of the Comic Book Code (or whatever it was called) and he avoided the consequences by publishing MAD as a magazine rather than a comic book (except for the very first issue or so). I don't think it's a black and white issue. The Comic Book Code resulted in rather bland comics but I wouldn't give some of what had been being published to children to read.

I'm screaming at a white sheepdog; One who is sitting in my chair. It's a thing I'm dreading, The way he's shedding, And covering everything with hair. I'm screaming at a white sheepdog And should he visit you some night, May his bark be worse than his blight, And may all your furniture be white.

Mad originated as Mad Comics, published by EC [Educational Comics], which was, as mentioned above, one of the causes of the Code.

When I was 8, I ws sent to sleepaway camp. I once had a collection of Mad Comics and early Mad Magazines. When I got back, we had moved and all "that trash" had been discarded. Some things you don't forget.

davyr, wasn't that "The thing that I bury..."? or possibly "The ghoul that I bury..."? I think the parody was called "Manny get your ghoul".

Memories have faded as regards the West Side Story parody - possibly it was called "East Side Story" (is the U. N. building located on New York's East Side?) I remember a song sung by Mao Tse Tung (I think that's how his name was transliterated back then), which included the lines "Please be sweet to us, and give a seat to us. [????] and such joy you'll get, like we gave Tibet" and later there was a verse that ended "like our troops are in North Vietnam". Another section was "That's right! You bet! We will preserve law and order, like when we crossed India's border." All to the tune of "There's a Place for Us".

When I were a lad, an older friend of mine gave me one of those flimsy free giveaway 45's from MAD MAG. it was a parody of Christmas speeches from around the world. I wish I still had it. The bits I remember are:

Jesus himself was a radical and a socialist (in a harold Wilson voice)

Here in the Commonwealth or the common poverty as we sometimes call it. (in an indian accent)

Refs to Santa thrusting himself up the soothy pathage (in a rather lithpy accent)

Here we are swealtering around the traditional yule tide fire (in an Australian accent)

I remember "She Got A Nose Job" -- and it still pops into my consciousness when I least expect it (as does a lot of early '60s Mad satire).

Anyone come up with the Edgar Allan Poe (or Edgar, Al, and Moe) parody of "The Raven" redone as "The Spaniel"?

"Once upon a midnight cautious, while I pondered weak and nauseous Over many an advertising copy I had wrote for Macy's store. While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping As of someone loudly rapping, rapping at my office door. 'Tis some client there," I muttered. Only this and nothing more."

Here's what I've got -- incomplete, of course. I've posted it on a previous Mad doggeral thread. Really would like to find the complete poem somewhere.

Linn

The Spaniel

Once upon a midnight cautious while I pondered weak and nauseous Over many an advertising copy that I wrote [sic] for Macy's store. While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping As of someone loudly rapping, rapping at my chamber door. "Tis some client there," I muttered. Only this and nothing more.

Then I felt my terror worsen, for my guest was not a person. In there stepped a cocker spaniel, naturally I jumped in fear. Tried to climb an oaken panel, ripping there my new grey flannel But the spaniel only stood there, speaking out with voice so clear Speaking out like Jack Lescoulie in a voice both loud and clear. Quoth the spaniel, "Drink Blatz beer."

How I marvelled this ungainly dog that did commercials plainly Thoughts of fortunes I could make now make me shake down to my knees. But the spaniel set me grieving then by turning tail and leaving Chasing him along the hallway, crying out, "Stay with me me please!" Chasing him along the hallway, crying out, "Stay with me please!" Quoth the spaniel, "Eat Kraft Cheese."

Boom! the cherry bombs explode blowing potholes in the rode One went off by Irving's Mama Now Irving's mama's in a coma...

April 15th(Income tax day)It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

They come on April 15th dear to take away our gold...

That's all I can remember. The magazines belonged to my older brother and if he caught me w/one of them I'd get a sound thrashing...that is until I reached puberty and things began to even out a bit...

On the outside of my office, on the common bulletin board and beautifully framed, resides a portrait of the ineffable Alfred E. Neumann in all his manifest glory. Under his picture, in the spirit of current events, is the usual slogan: "What? Me Worry?"

Having grown up with the rascal, I should have memorialized this singular symbol in song, but never did. Thanks to those who had the foresight to recognize this "gentleman's?" contributions to our culture.

There was one they did which was a musical with a whole bunch of popular newspaper and comic characters in it, all of whom got to do a song.

Tarzan's was "The Girl That I Marry" and it went like this...

The girl that I marry will have to be As light on her feet as a chimpanzee The girl with whom I'll romp Will swing through the jungle and smell like a swamp A bone of white ivory will grace her nose She'll spring like a panther when I propose 'Stead of sighin', she'll be cryin' With the roar of a half-crazy lion Athletic and hairy the girl that I marry must be

******

Dagwood Bumstead's was "Old Man Dithers"

Oh, Old Man Dithers That Old Man Dithers He just keeps screamin' He keeps on steamin' Yeah, Old Man Dithers He just keeps screamin' all day...

I get no Blue Cross No paid up pension A raise I'm needin' But don't dare mention Cos Old Man Dithers He'd only lower my pay!

Look at me... It's just a crime... No vacation... Or overtime... Nine till five... Like a slob... Be a minute late and I'd lose my job...

I feel I'm fadin' It's gettin' hazy Goodbye to Blondie! Goodbye to Daisy! And Old Man Dithers can keep on screamin' all day....

Dagwood tragically sings the above song and then expires, having been accidentally shot a minute earlier by Dick Tracy who is in pursuit of criminals at the time and shoots Dagwood because...why? Because Dick Tracy has incredibly lousy aim! He NEVER succeeds in hitting the person he's aiming at, but always shoots some innocent bystander instead. Oh, the shame of it!

Looking down at Dagwood's pathetic dead body, Tracy begins to weep. Whoever is with him (Tarzan, I think...) asks Tracy if he is weeping in remorse for having killed Dagwood. Tracy says, "No, I just got some smoke in my eyes." And then he sings this song:

Hey that's from April of 63. I just got the Mad issues dvd what fun. I think it's fun and then remember that the contexts are time specific and wonder if all of it would translate to those who don't remember these days. What a way to review History.

Please note that anonymous posting is no longer allowed at Mudcat. Use a consistent name [in the 'from' box] when you post, or your messages risk being deleted.Thanks.-Joe Offer-

Once upon a midnight cautious, while I pondered weak and nauseous, Over some advertising copy I had wrote for Macy's Store, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a yapping, As of someone loudly yapping, yapping at my office door. "'Tis some client there," I muttered, "yapping at my office door - Only this and nothing more."

Then I felt my terror worsen, for my guest was not a person! In there stepped a cocker spaniel; naturally I jumped in fear. Tried to climb an oaken panel, ripping there my new grey flannel; But the spaniel merely stood there, speaking out with voice so clear - Speaking out like Jack Lescoulie, in a voice both loud and clear - Quoth the spaniel- _"Drink Blatz Beer!"_

How I marveled this ungainly dog who did commercials plainly; How he spoke the message clearly; selling points he underscored. For I could not help agreeing that no living human being Ever yet could mouth a slogan without sounding slightly bored - Quoth the spaniel: _"Buy a Ford!"_

Thus this dog with voice like Murrow made my heavy brow unfurrow; Thoughts of fortunes I could make now made me shake down to my knees. But the spaniel set me grieving then by turning tail and leaving. Naturally, I begged him tarry, crying out, "Stay with me, please!" Quoth the spaniel, _"Eat Kraft Cheese!"_

Might anyone have the words to " Blue Cross " , done to the song Blue Skies ? We just saw a special on our public channel and it was great. It also went to court to the favor of Mad on making parodies . Thanks for any help .

Appropriate for this coming tax season - to the tune of "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" circa approx 1963.

They come on April 15th dear To take away our gold.

Tax men are never moved by tears Nor tales that may be told.

Robin - What great history. This explains the wonderful freedom we American folks enjoy ... some of parodies have rivaled the originals in popular success.

Regarding comic books, Seduction of the Innocent was one of the books exposing the scandleous drawings in pulp media. Its 1954 publication helped bring about legislation. Parade of Pleasure was another book. There is place for trading the comics seductionoftheinnocent.org

We loved "It's a Gas" an early 1960's "paper vinyl magazine insert" with belching sounds.

"Sing Along with Mad" had a group of songs as sung by historical figures or at historical events. The one I remember best is to be sugn by Leonardo da Vinci, to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business":

There's no genius But no genius Like my genius, you see

Go to Venice, Naples, Rome or Pisa You will find nobody half as smart People really dig my Mona Lisa They think that she's a Great work of art

There's no talent Like my talent The whole world will agree

I've designed machines in which a man can fly I've charted planets up in the sky I can even add, subtract and multiply Oh gee! I'm glad I'm me!

I remember, I remember the house where I was born The little bathroom down the hall where 19 raced each morn, My 13 brothers hated me, my sisters felt the same Mom never called my down to eat – she didn't know my name I remember, I remember the walls so pale and white Would turn a vivid bloody red when mom and dad would fight

the one i remember is sung to were off to see the wizard were off to see the guru. that glorius guru og ours. the things hes got is better than pot and full of fantastic powers. if you want to spin like a u.f.o. the guru of ours will make it so we know we know we know we know we know now off in to the wild blue younder we go and thats all i remember

She's a mean old bag She's a nasty old bag And forever she's filled us with hate But we treat her sweet and kiss her feet And tell her we think she's great Let her curse at us We will not raise a fuss When she starts in to scream and nag For we are all counting on what we'll get From the will of that mean old bag

There's a bright golden glaze on the eggroll There's a bright golden glaze on the eggroll The hot egg foo yung really pleases the tongue The tea's in the pot and the waiter's named Chung

Oh what a glorious dinner Oh what great moo goo gai pan We're having twenty-eight courses Thanks to the family plan

They give it to the Sound of Music:

Dough- means cash for all of us 'Ray- for musicals like this Me- a star, so big that by Far- it really couln't miss So- insipid is the plot La-did-da although we know Te-di-ous it is a lot It will bring us back much Dough, dough, dough, dough......

When you eat meat but hate the meat that you've eaten then you've surely got Gound Round It's so unnerving when they're constantly serving in an eating spot Ground Round It may be called a chopped steak, salisbury or beef patty No matter what it's called it's always overcooked and fatty What can you do? Sound off at your table there and proudly pound on the table Stand up on your chair and shout...

Ground Round! Why did I have to eat Ground Round! Piled on my plate I see Ground Round! Why did I have to eat Ground Round....Ground Round..... When you eat meat and puke the meat that you've eaten then you've surely got ECOLI! It's so unnerving when the burger they're serving is a little pink ECOLI! You'll break into a sweat with diarhea kidneys failing They'll rush you to emergency and then you'll start your wailing What can you do? Sound off on your gurney there and loudly pound on the doctor stand up on a chair and shout Ground Round! Why did I have to eat Ground Round! Ecoli in the meat Ground Round! Why did I have to eat Ground Round! Ground Round!

There was another parody of "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" in MAD's send-up of Oklahoma, titled 007 (Oh-Oh-Seven.) It set the James Bond world to the Oklahoma songs. I only really remember the last line of the chorus, which was something like "I have a jolly good feeling, I will kill someone today!" Or maybe it was "bloody good" instead of "jolly good".

Once upon a midnight cautious while I pondered weak and nauseous Over some advertising copy I had done for Woolworth's Store, While I nodded nearly napping suddenly there came a yapping As of someone loudling yapping, yapping at my office door. "'Tis some client there," I muttered, "yapping at my office door. Only this and nothing more."

Then I felt my terror worsen for my guest was not a person In there stepped a cocker spaniel; naturally I jumped in fear, Tried to climb an oaken panel, ripping there my new grey flannel, But the Spaniel merely stood there speaking out with voice so clear, Speaking out like Jack Lescoulie in voice both loud and clear: Quoth the spaniel, "Drink Blatz Beer."

I marvelled that this dog ungainly spoke commercials very plainly, How he spoke the message clearly, selling points he underscored, For I could not help agreeing that no living human being Ever yet could mouth a slogan without sounding slightly bored. Most announcers being human can't help sounding slightly bored. Quoth the spaniel, "Buy a Ford."

Thus this dog with voice like Murrow, made my heavy brow unfurrow. Thoughts of fortunes I could make now made me shake down to my knees. But the spaniel set my grieving then by turning tail and leaving. Naturally I begged him tarry crying out, "Stay with me, please!" Chasing him right down the hallway crying out "Stay with me, please!" Quoth the spaniel, "Eat Kraft Cheese."

Found in the 1961 School Magazine of the Maltese Royal Naval School, Tal-Handaq! Take a look!

I remember some songs from the 60's. One was about the periodic table. (Do Ra Mi) Why do I remember these?!!!

O - the sign for oxygen Ra - that's radium so rare Ti - is tin for making cans As - is arsenic so beware F - for florine that we drink N- for neon lights that glow S for sulfur what a stink Which brings us back to O

One of my favorite memories is when but a lad going through Soviet Customs with a Mad Magazine in an outside pocket of my shoulderbag. The picture was Alfred E Neumann done up in WWII bomber pilot duds- The issue had a take-off of "Catch 22". The powerful battle image got a lot of second takes from the Russians but I got through just fine.

Those songs you remember can be found on the "Absolutely MAD" DVD available through Amazon. It is 50+ years of the magazine --every issue in PDF format. Issue #110 from the 1960's has "Songs Of Food." This has been so hard to locate and here, I guess, is why:

From Wikipedia: Legal issues

Mad Magazine provoked an early legal backlash against parody when in 1961 the magazine published a songbook in which various topical ditties such as "The Last Time I Saw Maris", "Albert Einstein," and "There's No Business Like No Business" were included (in poem format; with a parenthetical phrase after each title, stating "Sung to the tune of..."). Several music publishers joined in a suit taking the magazine to court. The matter was eventually decided by the U.S. Supreme Court, which declined to review the decision by a lower court dismissing the suit against Mad.

Of all the MAD Magazine song parodies I wish I had memorized (and I did soak up a few), one of the most perennially relevant is one I read briefly as a college freshman in 1968. Here's some quick background: I had been sentenced to an all-male Ivy-League wannabe thanks to its snob-appeal, although I hated the snobbery that abounded there. I had to convince my folks that I had a stake in my own future, and I spent three miserable semesters before peptic ulcers and Penn State rescued me. Now the grandest intimidator for keeping fellows there was the draft-fed war in Vietnam, which MAD addressed in a parody that shall apparently never become irrelevant. It was a take-off on one of the most beloved songs of the 1960's, "More," and was aptly labeled "War." I can recall its second line, "War helps to keep the population down;" and its transition: "War brings the USO's/And war brings the John Wayne shows/Yes, war brings us much enjoyment/It cuts down on unemployment!" I believe this issue in question was published at nearly the same time that MAD also parodied the musical "Camelot" with "Can A Lot;" perhaps they were in the same issue. Can anyone find the entire lyrics for "War?" Thanks!

Haven't been here for a long time. Glad I found this thread. I used to love to sing Mad Magazine parodies when I was a kid. They were almost all we had before weird al. One I really liked and it is still relavent today is a song I call the weatherman song. I can't remember if that is the original name or not. Here are the lyrics Seventy six degrees is what we'll predict with one hundred and ten degrees by the shore To be followed by days and days Of an air pollution haze. That is what we weathermen adore We always play safe and say there's a chance of rain Or we say partly cloudy partly clear We use words like "maybe" "perhaps" and "possible" Just in case, the weather changes here We're predicting sunny weather on the coast of Spain Who'll know if it is so here in the U. S. In Pago Pago we can say there is a hurricane Who has changed her name to Bess Predicting weather is a rewarding job Whether we're right or wrong we still know Our jobs are quite safe and sound While there's weather still around Give three cheers for wind and sleet and snow.

There is a karaoke website where I sang the song. Check this out. http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/ae9d31ee

While I am on this thread. I am looking for the lyrics to the tune of the caissons go rolling along. It was a song about playing the card game bridge. I recall some of the lyrics as being something about taking a trick and seeing your partner getting sick. And about bid a heart play a spade, .... a play that can't be made. My parents were hard core bridge players. They would complain about people that didn't know how to play their cards right. If anyone recalls this parody, please share it.

Does anyone remember a parody of the Beatles "Do You Wanna Know A Secret? It was called, "Do You Wanna Eat A Bagel". I am only assuming it came from MAD magazine because a couple of older boys down the street where I grew up in Brooklyn were big MAD magazine fans and used to play "Do You Wanna Eat A Bagel" on their guitars. Thanks!

just encountered this website. Haven't looked through all the previous posts, so this might be duplicative. But like other posters, it's amazing how many of the Mad parody songs I remember by heart. Here's one:

(to the tune of "I'm Looking over a Four-Leaf Clover" - about Christopher Columbus)

I had a notion to cross the ocean That never'd been crossed before I thought for certain that Asia I'd reach Now something tells me I've hit the wrong beach.

No pearls are sold here, there ain't no gold here Just rain and disease galore. How did I do it? I really blew it! When I hit the New World shore.

Pox upon thee little fellow, creep and fink with stripe of yellow. The gang you squealed on has the urge to strum and sing your funeral dirge. Into the drink you should have went, neatly cased in wet cement. Delinquency can be a blight when guys like you don't do it right. Seeing you I hate to think that I was once a lousy fink.

This song taught me the evils of plagerism. A dedicated reader of MAD in high school, one day I walked into English class and a friend asked if I done my homework. When I said we didn't have homework, he responded that we were supposed to have written a song parody. In a panic, I sat down and started scribbling the first two thirds of this, which I'd read earlier in the week, since not turning in anything was worse that copying. After grading all our papers, the teacher was so impressed with my paper that she wanted me to read it aloud, in front of the whole class. You never saw a more paniced high school junior in your life. I was terrified that someone else read MAD and would announce my transgression. It was enough horror to last a lifetime - I haven't plagerized since. (and the song is burned into my memory, after 20+ years)

Mine eyes have seen the glory of an army that's co-ed of a navy where the captain has to subdivide the head of an air force where they issue flowered sheets for every bed The times are changing now

Glory, glory basic training never was more entertaining there's more action, who's complaining? The times are changing now.

They are wearing battle outfits that are full of fancy frills they're a credit to the union and we call 'em G.I. Jills if George Patton were alive today he'd take off for the hills The times are changing now

Glory, glory foes they'll shake up armed attacks they're sure to break up then they'll freshen up their make up The times are changing now

They are trained to shoot a rifle and they show no signs of fright they're as strong as any man and never run from any fight that's unless one gets a headache and she tells you, "not tonight" The times are changing now

Glory, glory tell her mister if she struggles when you've kissed her no one likes a draft resister the times are changing now.

the only thing I remember about the bridge parody is: Bid a heart, bid a spade, bid a game that can't be made, as the bridge team goes rolling along. And then later... Shout out 3 No Trump load and strong!!!

One more... This is to the tune of The Marine's Hymn. Think "From the Halls of Montezuma..."

From the slums of Baltic Avenue, to the Boardwalk and Park Place. We will buy up all the properties, build hotels in every space. ...don't remember... and then finishes with: But we can not even start the game until somebody finds the dice!

It's a grand old flag, it's a good plastic bag and we get it on all of our clothes. A guy can play the live-long day and have it wherever he goes. It is lots more fun than a doll or a gun, you can wave them around like flags. But should old acquaintance be forgot, keep your head out of plastic bags!

This is the way I remember this wonderful parody. I can never remember the real lyrics, as the above successfully replaced the real lyrics in my memory bank. :)

Charley, Charley, bicycle built for two On my Harley, down Central Avenue We'll tear up the town till sundown Old ladies we will rundown And we won't stop for no darn cop On a Harley thats built for two.

I remember the ending of "War" (sung to More)

War, brings us soldiers that are strong and good War, brings us John Wayne films from Hollywood War, brings our TV newscasts more Scenes of blood and death and gore That's what living color's for.

I've been trying to find the parodies of college fight songs MAD did in the late 60's or early 70's. The only one I remember partially is the Notre Dame one "Stomp on their backbones, break all their bones". Other songs included similar lyrics. Anyone know where to find them? HAppy New Year!

'"Potrzebie" is alleged to be Polish for "I had one grunch but the eggplant over there."'

Any Polish speakers here know the actual translation?

I read somewhere that Al Feldstein saw the word on a billboard in Poland and just thought it was a funny-looking word.

I think that it may mean 'You need', as an advertisement might say, 'You need [our product]', but I'm not sure.

Back in the late 1950's, MAD had 'celebrity guest writers' in nearly every issue, which were usually visualizations of well-known comedy routines, such as Danny Kaye's "I'm Five", Orson Bean's "Two Chinese Guys Who Go to an American Restaurant", and Wally Cox's "My Friend Dufo (What a Crazy Guy)". But Ernie Kovacs did some original material for the magazine.

On 31 Dec 09 - 01:06 PM GUEST,Bob in Toronto asked about parodies of college fight songs. I'm not sure this is the one you are remembering, but I remember a bit of a parody of the Notre Dame fight song, something like:

Pray, pray for old Pivnick Tech! We're going to get it right in the neck! send [???] of taps on high ...

Anybody know the rest of this one to the tune of "If I Only Had A Brain" ? At conventions by the hour I squirt my water flower just like a legionair. (forgot this line) 'Cause there just ain't no denyin' that I'm nothing but a square.

Aquarius: And you can do it with a crew that's dispensible! Crew that's dispensible! Dispensible! Minor characters we bring on Perish when they meet a Klingon ... (that's all I can remember now)

I also remember a spoof of 2001 called 201: A Space Idiocy. I don't remember any songs from that, or if it did have songs.

I too have the LP "Mad Twists Rock 'n' Roll" -- it's keen, man. Although none of the songs are exactly parodies of any single song, they definitely send up various rock-n-roll song types of the day including the "my boyfriend died" genre and the "the little girl has grown up and is sexy now" genre, as well as a bona fide (and not too shabby) Elvis send-up. If that comes out on CD, definitely grab it.

A porpoise will flap with his flippers, A monkey's both clever and shrewd, A spaniel will bring you your slippers, A cat only comes when there's food!

(refrain)

Yech, cats, yech, cats, Don't try to bring to bring one to me, to me, Yech, cats, Yech, cats, Don't try to bring one to me!

and...

To the tune of "Deck the Halls"

Boom the cherry bombs explode, Blowing potholes in the road, Tiny bits of dynamite, Sure can give a guy a fright, One went off by Irving's mama, Poor thing almost had a trauma, Blast, these simple minded jerks, We turn loose with fireworks, Boom the cherry bombs explode, Blowing potholes in the road.

GUEST,Feezite, about the parody you posted on 15 May 10 - 09:09 PM, the one that starts "Boom the cherry bombs explode, Blowing potholes in the road". You say "To the tune of 'Deck the Halls'", but it scans like it was actually to the tune of "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing."

Push rice crispies, push rice crispies, snap, crackle and pop! And while you're at it, Push our corn flakes, finest of the crop. Yum yum yum. Say that each is Great with peaches, fresh or from the can. And while you're pushing, Don't forget All-Bran.

I'm trying to find the words to: "I have often walked my Pierre outside..." and ends with "...now he sits upon his own private john that I built for the dog that I love". This was an ode to a poodle owner. Where can I find these?

In the meantime, my own 'tween memory recalls:

"The thing that I bury will have to be A real Transylvanian monstrosity The thing for which I crave Will have two blood-shot eyes staring up from that grave..."

and

"There's no monsters like Pro Monsters There's no monsters we know..."

Manny Get Your Ghoul and Frank Jacobs made me fall in love with parodies and sending up musical comedies.

"I have often walked my Pierre outside, But I never liked him in the dirty air outside. Now he sits upon His own private john, That I built for the dog that I love.

See the ____________that I made for him! See the powder blue pajamas I crocheted for him! And should he feel ill, Here's the Contac pill That I'll give to the dog that I love.

But oh! he sometimes annoys me, When he does, I'm firm as can be, Although it nearly destroys me To have to tell him he can't watch his own TV.

If I _____________________ I'll get maids for him. And if he should lose his hair, I'll get toupees for him And when I drop dead When my will is read All will go to the dog that I love."

And a bonus to complete your "Pro Monsters"

"These new monsters ain't true monsters They've got nothing to show. If you want to make a girl feel petrified, To make her scream, and her eyes grow wide, Tell her that next week she'll be the Wolfman's bride, Why-ho, Monsters, let's go!

Nice trip down Memory Lane -- How I loved the Mad "Comic Opera" and other spoofs back in the 60s! My mother was a teacher of English Literature then. Her stock with the students went up 200% one day. She arrived in class with Mad magazines and read several parodies -- spoofs of Longfellow, Whitman, even Chaucer! -- and proceeded to discuss why they were so funny. (The assigned homework that night was an original parody.) I'm still writing parodies, possibly inspired by Mad's examples. Great fun!

Boy, this thread brings back a lot of memories! Somewhere in one of my closets I have a big box of Mad magazines I haven't looked at in nearly forty years... Those parodies really do stick in your mind! And, as I remember, most of the classic ones were written by the great Frank Jacobs.

Here's one, to the tune of "My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean":

My body has Calamine Lotion My body's as sore as can be The flowers I picked for my granny Turned out to be poison ivy!

The tropical fish song had lyrics something like this, sung to the tune of 'My Favorite Things', but i don't know most of the words. Can anyone help?...

Bright colored (guppies?) and (black shiny mollies?)... (something something) that swim with a splish, These are just some of my tropical fish. Then I bought (mantas?) that sting in the water Deadly (?) that itch for a slaughter (?) that bite with a Squish! Now I have many less tropical fish If you think that Fish are peaceful That's an empty wish. Just put them together and leave them alone, and then you will have... Less fish!

From the vaults of Chase Manhattan Bank To his zillion shares of stocks we will vote for Rockefeller Boys 'Cause he's richer than Fort Knox True he'll make a lousy candidate But we never can forget He's the only one that's got the bucks (or was it cash) To pay off the U.S, Debt

As your ship goes through the Galaxy To distant worlds, way past mars Be sure, that your adventures do... not kill off your stars!

And you can do it with a crew that's dispensible A crew that's dispensible...le Dispensible Dis pen si ble

Minor actors that we bringon Perish when they meet a Klingon One time actors not seen later Vanish in a planet's crater Those of us who try to aid them fail because the script has made them Dispensible le le Dis pen si ble!

I have remembered that for 35 years! As well as: (Sound of Silence) I'm a doctor out in space and like I really groove this place because of all the rare diseases not like you silly coughs and sneezes

The "My Fair Ad-Man" spoof had a version of "With a Little Bit o' Luck":

You've never had a clean shave or a haircut A bigger bum I hope I never see Your taste is sad in choosing what you wear, but With a little bit of soap, With a little bit of soap, You'll be looking just like him and me. (CHORUS) With a little bit, with a little bit, With a little bit of soap youâ€™ll look like we.

You've got real charcoal staining your grey flannel I thought those shoes were for a tennis game If you were on TV, I'd change the channel, but With a little bit of soap, With a little bit of soap, You and Cary Grant will look the same. (CHORUS) With a little bit, with a little bit, With a little bit of soap you'll look the same With a little bit, with a little bit, With a little bit of Lifebuoy soap!

A piece on "Up-to-Date Service Songs" had this take on "Anchors Aweigh":

Our taste's absurd, my boys Our taste's absurd With girls, our eyesight's blurred We date pigs by the herd-herd-herd-herd When on that briny deep From June 'til May Practic'ly any creep Looks like the girl who married JFK!

The entire "Chinese Restaurant Song" went thus:

There's a bright golden glaze on the eggroll There's a bright golden glaze on the eggroll The hot egg foo yung really tickles the tongue The tea's in the pot and the waiter's named Chung

Oh, what a glorious dinner Oh, what great Moo Goo Gai Pan We're having twenty-eight courses Thanks to the family plan.

All the noodles are covered with soy sauce, All the noodles are covered with soy sauce. We're feeling no pain 'Cause our plates all contain A big heaping portion of Sub Gum Chow Mein.

Oh, what a glorious dinner We'll fill our bellies and then One hour after we've eaten We'll all be hungry again, We'll all be hungry again.

They also did a Wine Lovers' Song to the tune of "Hello Young Lovers." Does anyone have the words to it?

I remember, I remember The house where I was born, The little bathroom down the passage Where 19 fought each dawn; My 13 brother hated me My sisters thought the same Ma never called me in to eat - She didn't know my name.

I remember, I remember The joys my schooling gave; How I was late for infant class Because I had to shave. I think that I shall ne'er forget A little girl named Sue; I carried home her books from school: Her boyfriend told me to.

Someone quoted part of "I wandered lonely as a clod" further up. Here's the whole of it - I think.

I Wandered Lonely as a Clod

I wandered lonely as a clod, Just picking up old rags and bottles, When onward on my way I plod, I saw a host of axolotls; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, A sight to make a man's blood freeze.

Some had handles, some were plain; They came in blue, red, pink, and green. A few were orange in the main; The damndest sight I've ever seen. The females gave a sprightly glance; The male ones all wore knee-length pants.

Now oft, when on the couch I lie, The doctor asks me what I see. They flash upon my inward eye And make me laugh in fiendish glee. I find my solace then in bottles, And I forget them axolotls.

One of my favorites (from memory, some 50 years later; correctons welcome). This gentle fight song captures the essence of football and the heart's desire of every true fan.

To the tune of "On Wisconsin!"

Onward Pivnick, onward Pivnick, Forward to the fray! Suffocate them, decimate them, Grind them into clay!(Rah, rah, rah!) Send a roar up, Roll the score up, Grind them into mud! We'll clean the field up With their own blood!

Okay, this is bizarre. Bob and I were just re-reading a Mad mag this morning on his favorite Star Wars topic, and now I see this thread. No song parodies in that issue, but several of the parodies already mentioned in this thread came from a single issue that had songs about food: Ground Round (Downtown), the Chinese Restaurant Song (Oh, What a Beautiful Morning), Chopped Liver (Moon River), and Hello, Wine Lovers (Hello, Young Lovers), the last of which I didn't memorize because I was fuzzy on the tune. It also had The Sundae With the Nuts on the Top (The Surry etc.) and probably a couple of others.

Ev'ry day is really a fun day When I eat a big, gooey sundae When I eat a big, gooey sundae With the nuts on top

(2nd verse, I forgot)

(bridge, I can only remember the last line:) Which may be why I'm feeling icky

Tho' my figure's taking a beating From this glob of glue that I'm eating When I'm through, you'll find me repeating 'Cause I just can't stop Eating all those gooey sundaes With the nuts on the top

There's also another version of The Raven, called The Rating, and I only remember the final punch line:

It's that grand old smog It's that low lying smog You can tell by the smell and the pall Tho it burns the skies and stings the eyes It means there's employment for all For it comes you see from some great fac-to-ry Where there's never an idle cog... So let's all be grateful for what we've got And give thanks to that grand old smog

When we finally dig out our storage shed, I'll probably scan the covers of the ones we have, ranging from the 60s through the 80s. May find some parodies, too. They are mostly beat up as I read them, then each of my kids read them as they were passed down. My kids all have great senses of humour, I might add.:-)

Another one of the free 45 RPM records that parodied rock 'n' roll songs, along with "She Got a Nose Job," was "Please Betty Jane Shave Your Legs." But I don't remember a word except for that title and chorus.

North Side, South Side, all around the square The factories are polluting every cubic inch of air Cars & trucks together spew exhaust up and down We'll have to play in gas masks on the sidewalks of our town!

How about this one, spoofing dentists...to the tune of the Air Force Song:

Off we go into that wild mouth yonder looking for molars to pull. There's a tooth waiting to feel our thunder. At 'em boys, give 'em the drill, rat-a-tat-tat-tat. We dislike cavities left untreated. Teeth look bad, full of decay. When we're in doubt, we pull them out. Oh, nothing can stop the dentist today!!

I loved the mad song to the tune of "love is Blue" the words I know are New,new my heart is new , straight from a man in Kalamazoo,. also something with a second hand brain... I'd love to know the whole song!

Pray, pray for old Pivnik Tech We're gonna get it right in the neck Send the sound of taps on high As our whole team lays down to die What thought the odds may be great or small Old Pivnik Tech will fumble the ball While our undergrads get sick And transfer to USC!

Does anyone remember Mad's version of "Mame" (from Broadway musical)? I have partial lyrics: I stagger out of a subway fight - Maimed. I end my stroll down a street at night - Maimed. I join a crowd that's jumpin' from early in the evenin' til the dawn, My heart is really pumpin' 'cos I'm the one the crowd is jumpin' on!

{at this point I'm missing some of the lyrics, but it continues}:

They make a mess galore of me - they make a field of war of me. Each day there's something more of me Maimed.

It looks like no one has added the Kellogg's song (sung to On Wisconsin):

Push Rice Krispies, Push Rick Krispies Snap, crackle and pop. While you're at it, try our cornflakes, Finest of the crop-yum, yum, yum. Tell that each is, great with peaches Fresh or from the can. And while you're pushing Don't forget All Bran.

Here's another one from the mystic chords of memory, in the Songs About Food Dept., to the tune of "I'm In The Mood for Love", it was called "The Health Food Anthem" or something similar...

"I'm eating food for health 'Cause it is so nutritious Though it is not delicious I'm eating food for health"

My fifth grade teacher, Hank Ardanowski, was a big MAD fan. If he confiscated your copy of the magazine in class, it was only so he could read it himself. Then he'd give it back. Or sometimes he'd read it aloud to the class, instead of the lesson. We would occasionally even get to SING these songs in class as a reward, say if we'd all just passed a important exam. He once gave me extra credit for turning in a project that featured a MAD-style fold-in cover. Gosh, I haven't thought about this stuff in years!

BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPULICANS Mine eyes have seen the horror of the coming of the Reds they are tearing up Old Glory into sixty million shreds they are spying from our closets they are hiding neath our beds lets fight until they're gone... Glory Glory Hallelujah (3x) Lets fight until they're gone

They are peeping in my windows late at night when I watch Paar I have seen them in the glove compartment of my family car they are hiding in the treetops, they control the D.A.R. lets fight until they're gone... Glory Glory Hallelujah (3x) Lets fight until they're gone

THERES A RUMBLE DOWN NEXT STREET Grab your new brass knuckles and bat, wear your new black leather jacket you're in for a treat, theres a rumble down next street can't you hear the heads go 'splat'? boy they sure do make a racket crazy, man lets meet, at the rumble down next street be sure you got your switch blade, and that new zip gun you made because by the time you get there, it oughta, be slaughter if you follow my advice you will surely end up fella fried in that hot seat, from the rumble down next street.

(I was only 5 and illiterate when these were published, so please forgive if my memory fails. My brothers would read them and we'd sing them together. ;)

It's a grand old bag, it's a ???? plastic bag and we find them on all of our clothes. Oh a kid can play the live-long day with them everywhere that he goes. They are much more fun than a doll or a gun, you can wave them around like flags. But should old acquaintance be forgot, keep your head out of plastic bags!

ooops...forgot to replace the ??? I had used while I recollected... :)

Here's how I remember: "It's A Grand Old Flag"

It's a grand old bag, it's a nice plastic bag and we find them on all of our clothes. Oh a kid can play the live-long day with them everywhere that he goes. They are much more fun than a doll or a gun, you can wave them around like flags. But should old acquaintance be forgot, keep your head out of plastic bags!

There's no stories like Poe stories, like no stories I know. If you want a tale that is appalling, If you want to murmur, shriek and cry, If you want a tale with bodies falling, and spirits calling, Then Poe's your guy. There's no stories like Poe stories, they all fill us with woe. If you want a tale that's filled with death galore, With spirits tapping on your door, And some crazy raven shouting "Never more!" There's no stories like Poe.

"I wandered lonely as a clod, Just picking up old rags and bottles; When onward on my way I trod, I saw a host of axolotls. Beside the lake, beneath the trees A sight to make a man's blood freeze. Some had handles, some were plain; They came in blue, red, pink and green. Some were orange in the main-- The damnedest sight I've ever seen. The females gave a spritely glance, The male ones all wore knee-length pants."

The second, and concluding, verse ran thus:

Now oft, when on the couch I lie The doctor asks me what I see; They flash upon my inward eye, And make me laugh with fiendish glee. I find my solace then in bottles, And I forget them axolotls.

It's so unnerving when they're constantly serving in an eating spot, "Ground round" It may be called a chopped steak, Salisbury or beef patty, No matter what it is it's always overcooked and fatty. What can you do? Shout out to your waiter there, and loudly pound on the table, stand up on your chair and shout, " ground round!" You're always serving me "Ground round" Why must it always be "Ground round" You're always serving me G "Ground round, ground round, ground round......

I'm also one of the baby boomers who loved mad magazine. I still remember a few fragments such as Poe's the raven I think that I shall never hear a raven who is more sincere that that one knocking on my door who's always saying never more A raven who I must assume will dirty up my living room.

The Christmas songs in the hospital for the criminally insane topped by Deck the halls with parts of molly.

There's no stories like Poe stories, Like no stories I know. If you want a tale that is appalling, If you want to murmur, shriek and cry, If you want a tale with bodies falling, And spirits calling, then Poe's your guy. There's no stories like Poe stories, They all fill us with woe. If you want a tale that's filled with death galore, With spirits tapping on your door, And some crazy raven shouting, "Nevermore!" There's no stories like Poe.

In Levittown did Irving Kahn, a stately Cape Cod house decree, Where Alf, the sacred Neuman dwelt And Nick Fazool, and Olaf Svelt, And even Sean Magee.

There fifty feet of crab-grass ground, with picket fence were girdled round, A place for little Milt to play, A port for Irving's Chevrolet.

But just one thing is not the very best; You can't tell Irving's house from all the rest.

And one of the Pivnik Tech songs (to "On, Wisconsin"):

On brave Pivnik, on brave Pivnik, show them you've got spunk! Suffocate them, decimate them, leave them all for junk! Send a roar up, roll the score up, stomp them into mud -- And then clean up the mess with their own blood!

Trying to locate a Christmas poem published in Mad Magazine in late 50s or early 60s. It began, "Oh goodness, oh gracious oh golly, oh gee; I wonder what all the commotion can be?; someone is shouting and cursing at me; why, Santa is stuck in our chimney . . ." Can anyone help with additional verses?

Well, when I was a young man I had me no car, So I always stayed home, I never went far. I had me no wheels, no gas in the tank, In fact all I really had was dough in the bank.

Oh, oh, money that was all mine, Oh, oh, money that was all mine.

Well, I met a dealer and I showed him my cash, He said, 'My friend, what you need is a '52 Nash. The contract I signed was to drive me to tears, It called for low easy payments for the next hundred years.

Oh, oh, money no longer mine, Oh, oh, money no longer mine.

Well, I don't like to protest, I'm just not that kind, But when my grounds for complaint are so easy to find. License and tax are outrageously high, And when you go to insure, kiss your savings 'Go Bye'.

Oh, oh, money used to be mine, Oh, oh, money used to be mine.

Well, I've heard it proclaimed, though I'm not really sure. That there's a Federal Program, To help out the poor. I don't ask for food or the Job-Training-Corp, Just cash to make a dozen payments or more.

I still remember a good bit of a parody of the Gunga Din poem but about Joe Namath...

You can talk about your guards, And your fullbacks gaining yards. And those ends that run the hook and down-and-out. But when it comes to glory, then the quarterback's your story. Cause it's him the fans all want to read about.

Now there's .... and Johny U, Bart Starr and ..... too, And Fran Tarkington, who scrambles for his dough. But of those that pass the ball, It seems the coolest of them all, Is that hero of the Jets team, Broadway Joe.

For it's "Joe!, Joe!, Joe!", a blonde is waving in the seventh row. All the grandstands will be shaking, With the passes you'll be making. And we don't mean playing football, Broadway Joe.

Hello, deli... This is Joe, deli... Would you please send up some nice corned beef on rye? A box of Ritz, deli; And some Schlitz, deli; Some chopped liver, and a sliver of your apple pie? Turkey legs, deli; Hard boiled eggs, deli; Some tomatoes and potatoes you french fry, Oh! Please don't be late, deli! Cause I can't wait, deli! Deli, without breakfast I will die!

I remember only the first stanza of a parody of "The Killing od Dan Megrew" A bunch of the boys were whooping it up, one Christmas Eve one year, all full of cheap whiskey and hoping like hell, that Saint Nick would soon appear.

Another funny blast from the past courtesy of the zany minds of Mad Magazine.

To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman" -

Harry the mailman brings us letters soaked with rain. Jams the box so full that the mail is crushed and then laughs when we complain.

Charlie the milkman is the biggest slob in town Seldom leaves the quarts that we've asked him for, when he does, they're upside-down.

Eleven months through-out the year, they're as lousy as can be. But starting in December, they show great efficiency. Then Charlie and Harry really show they're full of zip! And they'll work that way every doggone day, Til they get their Christmas tip!

How the heck does one remember something from almost 50 years ago?? I think as kids, we treasured the hilarity and wittiness of both the words and the accompanying artwork, and set to music, it somehow remains intact. Can still visualize some of the funny art, too. I recall one more to share:

To the tune of the "Notre Dame Fight Song"

Cheer, cheer for our charge accounts. We run up bills in mammoth amounts. Freezers, sports cars, TV sets. Each one keeps bringing brand new debts. What though the bills be great or small? We can't pay one, so why pay at all? We will live in comfort while we're heading towards bankruptcy!

Our kid's away, thank God Our kid's away! We've sent him off to ca-amp At fifty bu-ucks a da-ay! Though that's a lot to pay We'll make no fuss! If we complain then they might Send him back, send him back, to uh-usss!

Back to West Side Story... MAD did indeed do a parody on it. I can only remember a few lines sung to the tune "Maria" titled "Amoeba" Amoeba...I just met a blob named Amoeba, ---- Chorus: Amoeba..how your two cells do split into four cells. And those four cells will split into more cells. Amoeba,...I just met a blob named Amoeba. On a side note, Mad did a version sung to the tune of Bridge over the River Kwai called Comet. Comet..It makes your mouth turn green. Comet..It tastes like kerosene. Comet, It makes you vomit...so eat some Comet, and vomit, today.

I've lost track of whether this has been mentioned before, but Mad did a take-off on West Side Story, called "East Side Story" - it was about the United Nations (whose headquarters are on New York's East side?)

One song (to the tune of "There's a Place for Us") was sung by Chairman Mao, asking to be admitted to the UN. One verse went something like

Please be sweet to us and give a seat to us. Let us in and such joy you'll get like we gave Tibet.

There was another song to the tune of "Isle of Capri" with a line: I found her there On a pile of debris.

Remember the "Mad Beastlies"? One had a drawing of two native Indians with brooms on top of a huge 2-headed man. The quote read: "Braves Sweep Giant Doubleheader".

Movie and TV parodies I remember: "201 Minutes of a Space Idiocy" "The Man from A.U.N.T.I.E." "Voyage to See What's On the Bottom" (Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea) "Loused Up in Space" (Lost in Space) I think there was also "The Sound of Money".

Does anyone remember the parody of Gunga Din? It was probably from the late 70s/early 80s...?? It was fro an article called "Mad Takes on The Classics" Or something like that. All I remember is the beginning:

Oh, you can talk of blood and gore If your in a shooting war, and the enemy is rushing for the kill.

But if you're' wanting slaughter, Then you ought to haul some water, Like that brave and fearless couple, Jack and Jill.

Poor Jack and Jill, They went rushing up that hill, And nary one thought they'd loose their life!

Did a Google search for Mad song parodies, as I grew up reading the book collections (such as "Sing Along With Mad" and "Mad About Verse." I remember one of the military anthems in full:

(Marine Corps Hymn) From the neck-high mud of fo-ox holes To malaria-filled bogs We will march for ninety miles a day And drop out and die like dogs

We will land on mine-strewn beaches And we'll live with snakes and fleas Then we'll all leave Parris Island for Restful combat overseas!

and part of the Air Force hymn... Off we go, into the barracks yonder, Pulling an inspection again... Roar right in, just like a clap of thunder Scare the hell out of the men!

To the tune of "Aquarius" (from the musical "Hair") When the sun is blotted out of sight And both your eyes begin to burn And you can't see the freeway To make That left hand turn You know you're driving in the Smog of Los Angeles! Smog of Los Angeles! Los Angeleeeees!

Watchdog in the night I've never chained you Watchdog in the night I've always trained you To proctor my house, until the night was through

Watchdog in the night A stupid beagle you were Watchdog in the night

And when those burglars came You didn't mind it They were after loot You helped them find it Diamonds, rings and furs You quickly led them to

Watchdog in the night A stupid beagle you were Watchdog in the night

And later on when I returned to my poor home How you jaws did foam You became a snapping dog A wild and fearless yapping dog And ever since that night It's so upsetting Every time you bite It's me your getting It turned out so right For watchdog in the night

I remembered a fantastic parody I copied from Mad Magazine. My choir friends and I loved to sing this in the late 1960s

Thank you so much to Neil Koro for his posts in January and May 2013. You and Mudcat have made my day You helped fill in the gaps for me, so between us, this is what I have come up with. I hope you like it.

"There's no business like Poe Business" (to the tune "There's no business like show business")

There's no business like Poe business , Like no business I know. If you want a tale that is appalling, If you want to murmur, shriek and cry, If you want to hear strange bodies falling, And spirits calling, then Poe's your guy.

There's no stories like Poe stories , They all fill us with woe. If you want a tale that's filled with death galore, With spirits tapping upon your door, And some crazy raven shrieking, "Nevermore!" There's no business like Poe.

Hollywood is constantly looking for new ideas or producing endless sequels (or prequels) But now that there are so many special effects available, perhaps now would be an excellent time to resurrect Poe's stories and restore him to greatness.

The Monopoly song was part of the "fight songs for lesser school teams" (along with the bridge team song). The whole lyric, IIRC:

To the tune of the Marines' Hymn:

From the slums of Baltic Avenue 'Round Boardwalk and Park Place We will buy up all the prop-er-ties Build hotels on every space. We will drive our foes to bank-rup-tcy If they fail to pay the price… But we cannot even start the game 'Till somebody finds the dice.

Still in the memory banks: Melvin, Norman and Fred one night sailed off in a garbage scow Sailed down a river of floating blight with coffee grounds on the prow Stuff that's rotten and ripe have we Said Melvin, Norman and Fred.

The Coast Guard scowled and searched the three as they rocked in the garbage scow they found smuggled guns in kegs marked 'tea' and contraband in the prow We wonder who could have put that stuff there, surely it wasn't we So whimpered aloud the smugglers three Melvin, Norman and Fred

Melvin and Fred are in Leavenworth and Norman's on the Rock The garbage scow has a lovely berth in custody at the dock Melvin's due out in '64 and Fred in '73 Norman he tried to go over the wall but a guard he happened to see and that was the end of one-third of the three Melvin, [deceased] and Fred