Dear Boys: Dad Deserves the Last Piece of Pie

If you have a sweet, snuggly child who still says, “I love you to Pluto and back,” bottle those moments. Savour every word. Shut your eyes tightly so you can replay these memories during the less mushy stages of parenting. Hold onto that tangible, spoken-out-loud gratitude.

As children grow, their gratitude shifts. The words become quieter and we rely more on intuition to still sense what they feel.

And we have to be careful to not put too much stock in the whispers of thanks that come our way annually. While, having a day dedicated to either parent is a lovely idea, it can put entirely too much pressure on the family – the card makers, the card receivers and the spouse who is supposed to orchestrate the celebration.

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I remember very clearly one of the first Mother’s Days I celebrated. I picked up my little one from the church nursery, anticipating a homemade card or a macaroni necklace.

The volunteer handed me a card with an apologetic look on her face. Her exact words were, “Sorry. We were supposed to print exactly what the kids said to us.”

I smiled nervously and read over the typical made-at-church card. It said in pre-printed letters on the front “Happy Mother’s Day.” So far, so good.

When I opened the card, I spotted the dilemma. Hand printed words proudly proclaimed, “I love my Dad.”

Thankfully I have learned to lower my Mother’s Day expectations over the years and I’m hoping my husband has done the same.

I need to apologize in advance to Marc for the Father’s Day card he is about to receive from our youngest. The front of the card is adorable – a handmade portrait of Daddy with meticulously drawn glasses and fingers.

Look at that outfit. That striped shirt and tie. But that is where the honouring ends. Here’s Landon’s version of the situation.

Landon: At school, we were supposed to write a message about what our Dads do for us.

Me: Okay….

Landon: I didn’t know what to write because Dad doesn’t do anything for me. So I wrote about Liam instead.

Me: What? What about the stories Daddy reads and the silly songs he makes up? The groceries he buys and the times he pushes you on the swing? Remeber everything he fixes and the treats he brings you?……

Landon (clearly unmoved by my list): Nope. I just wanted to write about Liam.

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We often joke about either paying for our kids’ university books or their future therapy – we’ll let them decide. But what about our need for a sympathetic hug as parents? What about the times we pour into our little monkeys and they…write a card for a sibling instead?

In an attempt to make up for today’s wounds, here is my letter to my sons about their Dad on Father’s Day and every day.

Dear Boys,

I hope you know how blessed you are to have the Dad you have been given.

Truthfully, you do also owe a lot to your auntie’s because when they first met your Dad they knew he was a keeper. They woke me up to say “Karen. We found your future husband” and they were not wrong.

And you do also owe your lives to me because I stalked pursued your Dad until he caught me.

But mostly you owe so much to God for bringing Dad and I together. Nudging us to make this profound choice and having the courage to offer lifelong vows.

Looking back, I wonder if, as single people, we realize the magnitude of the decision we make when we marry. How can we, really? Boys, when you choose your wife…your lifelong friend and partner, you will also be choosing the Mother of your children. It is our prayer that you choose profoundly well.

I realized early on that your Dad would be a great father one day. His kind, gentle eyes. The ability to listen and care deeply. His offer to pray for any crisis…and his commitment to follow through.

I knew that if your Dad and I ever came to an impasse, he would slip away to really work it through and come back to talk until it was resolved. And if we couldn’t resolve an issue, I knew he would be willing to get extra help. There was so much security offered in this truth.

I suspected that he would write crazy songs for his children one day and I was right. Rhyming words are just one of his many love languages. So are squishy hugs and ‘treats and sweets.’

I knew from his work ethic that he would always stay on top of things. While we have had to {significantly} lower our expectations of a clean house with each child we added, his eye has actually stopped twitching when he spots crumbs on the floor. Most days.

I am so thankful he balances my parenting. While I could err too much on context and excuses, your Dad is driven by principles. As Lisa Bevere says, I’m glad your Dad “speaks boy.” If you let him, he will help you form your godly character. He will challenge you to a higher level in a world that settles for mediocrity and compromise.

You have been blessed with an amazing role model.

Your Dad has modelled a deep commitment to biblical truth. He is compelled to read, learn and teach this truth. He starts every day reading his Bible and praying. And if you ever what to know where a verse is found, ask your Dad. It is simply awe-inspiring.

Look at the neighbours who come to our door when they are struggling. They pour their hearts out to your Dad because they know he is safe and trustworthy.

But boys, you know we try to keep it real around here, so we can acknowledge that Dad isn’t perfect. He loses his cool when the Blue Jays fail. He may have even lost a few important items over the years. But he has never lost his way. And if you ever lose yours, he will run to the end of the dusty lane to welcome you back.

Your Dad would do anything for you. He loves you like crazy. And when he makes you crazy by calling you to make better decisions or doing things to a level of excellence, know that this also comes from a love for you.

I hope you realize the qualities your Dad has that contribute to our family. I know your understanding of his value and impact in your lives will continue to grow over time. None of us can ever fully appreciate our parents during our bumpy years. But it is in future, reflective seasons you will realize the gift he is to all of us.

You will realize he deserves much more than a card about Liam today. You will realize why you should love him to Pluto and back.

Karen Gauvreau would squeeze her four-baby-body into a cheerleader's uniform for you to know someone is rooting for you as a Mom - cartwheeling for your victories and offering a pep talk when you feel pummelled. If you laugh in the process, even better.