Collect up all your semen in a jar. Over time it'll turn a thick copious white. After sealing the jar and attaching a nice ribbon around it, mail it to the girl you've been stalking for the past several months. Then revel in the imagination of her biting down upon a piece of toast smeared with your love.

I received some white marmalade through my mail yesterday and it tasted awful. That guy needs more protein in his diet.