Post nuptial agreement? DML

Has anyone ever done a post nuptial agreement over finances with a spouse?

My DH (dear husband) and I are staying in seperation bedrooms and right now have agreed to stay together for our kids but leaving the door open to whatever happens. He is making much less, trying to start a seasonal business and has never really provided for us. I am the bread winner.

I would like to stop providing for him because doing so makes me work 50 hours a week and I am tired. I want to have a legal agreement to split bills if we are living together and protect my retirement if we split because he has been irresponsible and has no retirement.

Also you need to talk to a lawyer. There are different laws regarding separation, alimony, and child support depending on what state you’re in. They’re the only ones that can give you specific advice about your situation.

Also you need to talk to a lawyer. There are different laws regarding separat...

Posted
10/21/2018

Also you need to talk to a lawyer. There are different laws regarding separation, alimony, and child support depending on what state you’re in. They’re the only ones that can give you specific advice about your situation.

This.

Also, and this is just me, if I can't trust someone with my money, then I do not trust them enough to share a bed. My mother, who is a sex positive hippie, always said, "If I can't trust them with my ATM pin, I don't trust them to be in my body." That seems reasonable to me.

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"[S]in, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That's what sin is."

This.
Also, and this is just me, if I can't trust someone with my money, ...

Posted
10/21/2018

This.

Also, and this is just me, if I can't trust someone with my money, then I do not trust them enough to share a bed. My mother, who is a sex positive hippie, always said, "If I can't trust them with my ATM pin, I don't trust them to be in my body." That seems reasonable to me.

He’s not spending money frivolously. More just not holding up his end and counting on me to wear myself out with work.

I was hoping if I could get him to contribute more so I didn’t have to work OT (off topic) then Inwpuld be more relaxed and maybe he could feel better about contributing to the house. But if it takes a legal document to get there...

He’s not spending money frivolously. More just not holding up his end and ...

Posted
10/21/2018

He’s not spending money frivolously. More just not holding up his end and counting on me to wear myself out with work.

I was hoping if I could get him to contribute more so I didn’t have to work OT then Inwpuld be more relaxed and maybe he could feel better about contributing to the house. But if it takes a legal document to get there...

Have you talked to him about it? Can you just say this is how it is going to be for this to work? I think I'd just say it and then stop working OT.

And, if one parent is breaking their back so the other one doesn't have to work, that doesn't sound right even if you were together. I'm a sahm but if DH (dear husband) didn't make enough money just doing his basic job, we'd have to rethink our lifestyle.

Have you talked to him about it? Can you just say this is how it is going to...

Posted
10/21/2018

Have you talked to him about it? Can you just say this is how it is going to be for this to work? I think I'd just say it and then stop working OT.

Yes, he told me I was crazy for wanting him to pay half the bills. Neither of us can afford to even rent in our HCOL area so we are stuck together for now. But I hate feeling taken advantage of especially when we are not even a “couple.”

He’s not spending money frivolously. More just not holding up his end and ...

Posted
10/21/2018

He’s not spending money frivolously. More just not holding up his end and counting on me to wear myself out with work.

I was hoping if I could get him to contribute more so I didn’t have to work OT then Inwpuld be more relaxed and maybe he could feel better about contributing to the house. But if it takes a legal document to get there...

He needs to start making more money or you need to leave.

In a way, this is worse than him spending frivolously. This is him robbing you of precious time with your children and to take care of yourself. He is comfortable forcing you into a bad situation so that he can pursue his own interests.

--

"[S]in, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That's what sin is."

Yes, he told me I was crazy for wanting him to pay half the bills. Neither of...

Posted
10/21/2018

Yes, he told me I was crazy for wanting him to pay half the bills. Neither of us can afford to even rent in our HCOL area so we are stuck together for now. But I hate feeling taken advantage of especially when we are not even a “couple.”

He said you were crazy for expecting him to contribute? Is this really someone you want to spend your life with?

Can you move to a less expensive area?

--

"[S]in, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That's what sin is."

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