Drip conceit upon me like wax,
Hardening against my skin in armored
Pretending. With each wrong word
A hammer cracks against it.
My skin turns sallow with
The baptism of opinions from mouths
That don’t even know the taste
Of femininity.

I cross myself with fertile words.
Sacrifices to chastity, grace and honesty,
My three sisters who harangue me
Into a box in which I do not fit.
I will wash away this chalky
Second skin of regret and lost moments,
Seeing scorn on their expectant faces,
Bathing in their disappointment.

My failure to womanhood binds
Me as the sacrificial lamb. They will use
The cracks in my skin to plant seeds of
Lies made of should be and could be.
Watch the weeds grow and choke
My still form, unwilling and unconsenting
In a slumber so deep I would
Never wish to wake again.

I fall apart. Away from myself.
With each spoken word I get
Closer to the lie I hide on the shelf
Behind my bed, hidden by sleep.
I can trace each truth on written
Method, with my finger, my eyes,
My imagination. I’m just smitten
With literate indulgence.

Listen not to my mouth, but watch
How I write. My pulse sits deep in
My wrist, but far from the latch
About my unhinged jaw.

I’m not coming home, what do you want from me?
I’m not hanging on for just another lingering maybe,
I won’t be the one clutching on this chandelier alone
And listless between glittering blindness white as bone.

It has reared its ugly head again.
I would say it was sadness, but it is pain.
I would say it is a dip, but it’s a trough.
It feels as if I will never be enough.
It has crawled its way into my heart,
Hoping to tear my progress apart.
As long as it has taken me to move on,
It suddenly feels as if it’s never been gone.
My self control is waning every second.
I can’t help but fall into this fecond
Pit of material comfort. I would rather
Crawl out than stand, buried, than gather
Dust down here.

And into the forest I go
To lose my mind and find my soul,
Never letting up or letting go
While I stop my pills and drown at shore.
I see the sea miles away
But bubbles and salt fill my lungs
More and more day by day
Where air once caught and deadly hung.

She sings a song that no one can hear,
Whether miles away or so very near,
The lady of the dark so lost and alone
She withers away to dust and heavy bone.

So into the forest she does,
To lose her mind and find her soul,
Never letting up or letting go
While she stops her pills and drowns at shore.
She sees no sea miles away,
Salt falls on cheeks, fear fills lungs
More and more day by day,
Where are once sat, she deadly hung.

She sings a song that no one can hear,
Whether miles away or so very near,
The lady of the dark so lost and alone
She withers away to dust and heavy bone.

Away from the forest they go,
In fear of their minds and eternal souls,
Letting up and quickly letting go
While she suffers their failures and drowns at shore.
They float atop the sea, far away,
Salt floats beneath as they sing songs,
No more troubles as they sway,
On wooden boats while she is wronged.

She sings a song that no one can hear,
Whether miles away or so very near,
The lady of the dark so lost and alone
She withers away to dust and heavy bone.
No one will know that she died alone.

Crush. Debilitating
Rush of blood
To the head, throbbing
Until the world starts to
Hush.
Heady. Suddenly
Unsteady and
Tumbling, unevenly
Because though I’m not
Ready.
Infecting. Slicing,
Dissecting me from
My bones. You’re enticing
Me for more. My heart is
Defecting.
Pain. Your love
Strain is asked
For, begged for. Shove
The hurt into me without
Blame.
Sunk. Prepared
Drunk that I am,
Addicted and bared
Onto you, never stop
This perfect and never ending pain.

It’s odd that one might have a vision of what might be,
When looking into the unknowing beyond.
To think that I had once expected your shape, your taste
And your glances long before I had met you.
I constructed a vessel that would hold my love to be,
Never once had my idiocy truly dawned
Upon me. I simply kept looking for this image with haste.
Convinced every second that my vision was true.

You were a glass of shapes unprecedented. Not just that,
But as I poured, expecting white, pristine milk,
You came out blue. Not unpleasant, not wrong, just
Different. Blue milk from an alien world.
Mild urges to run had to be suppressed, my mind spat
In anger as it struggled to determine your ilk.
You were not the vessel, you were not the want. Lust,
Need and truth was born, and finally unfurled.

Sipping blue milk, I found it not unpleasant.
Sipping blue milk, I found myself hesitant.
Sipping blue milk, and I was in another time.
I knew then, that we had been attached from birth with twine.
Softly floating towards each other, blindly.
You encompassed every single need totally.
You were unlike anything I had ever seen, imagined.

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