Who Emails First?

There are so many conflicting opinions about a woman’s role in online dating. One might think that in the 21st century, women and men are comfortable assuming equal roles of power in dating. Who should be the first to email? I have observed that in the beginning stages of developing a relationship, men mostly prefer to hunt and women prefer to be hunted. I, however, encourage women to feel free to email first, as long as they keep it upbeat and don’t appear needy. Here’s an email I received last week:

Dear Sandy,

I am fed up with the online dating scene! It seems that all the men I like don’t write me back when I initiate contact, and all the men who write me first are strange. I got an email the other day from a guy who asked me how I got my amazingly youthful appearance. It was like a series of bad pickup lines. One line was cheesier than the next.

And suddenly, I saw a guy in my search who piqued my interest. He was nice looking, and we shared common values. We exchanged a flurry of emails, and then I stopped hearing from him.

Should I write him and ask what happened? I don’t want to appear too desperate, because I am not. I just thought he was a so-called ‘good guy’, and I don’t see those too often. Help!

Frustrated in Philly

Dear Frustrated in Philly,

You seem like you’re smart and you go after what you want in life. You don’t like to be passive. All great qualities. It is frustrating when you encounter so many men who seem unstable and incompatible with you.

As for this new guy, I think it’s great that you wrote him first. You obviously didn’t turn him off, because he answered your first few emails. I would give this guy a few more days to see if he emails you again.

If he doesn’t email back after a week, go ahead and email him. Keep it light. Use a touch of humor. Don’t appear desperate in any way. But it’s okay to be curious and to state your intention. Flatter him a little. Tell him that he stood out in the crowd. Ask if he is interested in continuing the conversation. If not, let him go.

Remember that you are not looking for a run of the mill kind of guy. You want to meet someone special. And that takes time. As the saying goes, “You need to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince”. You don’t have to actually kiss all those frogs, but even emailing them can be frustrating.

Think of it this way; if you are meant to click with the 30th guy you meet online, each dud brings you closer to your goal!

Keep a positive attitude and make sure your life is full and fulfilling without a man. That will make you even more attractive when you finally meet your soul mate!

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