Daily Archives: September 1, 2008

Tour officials are telling their players that all players must be required to pass an oral English exam, or else be suspended from the tour.

Could you imagine that conversation: “Hi, congrats on winning the tournament this weekend. You’re a great player, and you are doing a lot to bring the game to other side of the world. In fact, we’re making more money in your country now because of your success. But because you don’t understand English very well, we’re going to have to suspend you for a little while. So put down those golf clubs, and pick up an English book instead. When you’re done studying, and can pass a test, we’ll be ready for you. No, we can’t learn your language, because that would be silly. You have to learn to communicate with us.”

Yikes. According to a story on Fox Sports (you can read it here), it’s because when golfers play with their sponsors, they need to be able to communicate with the ones paying the big bucks.

I’m just waiting until the sponsors decide the players should be sexier.

Imagine that call from officials: “Hi there. Congrats on the win this weekend. Great job. Listen, some of our sponsors are complaining that your shorts are too long and that your top leaves too much to the imagination. We’re going to have to suspend you until you become sluttier. Yes, I know women’s golf is supposed to respectable, but that doesn’t pay the bills honey. You just won some money out there, so if you could find a way to make yourself look better, maybe a little surgery here and there, that would be great. Also, if you could read the new dress code, we’d appreciate it. Did you see women’s beach volleyball at the Olympics? Bascially, we want it to seem like they are dressed modestly. Yes, I know, but it’s for the good of the game. Who would take us seriously if we don’t listen to our sponsors?”