You are trapped on a desert island with the Spice Girls. Food and rum have run out. Which Spice Girl do you eat first?

The Ginger Spice

The Sporty Spice

The Tall Spice

The Relatively Posh Spice

The Baby Spice

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Chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

CURSING IN THE ARMED FORCES

Letter to Tom Delay (called myself Dingethorpe to throw him off the scent):

Dear Delay, I am deepy concerned about the prevalence of cursing in the armed forces. I have met several soldiers and their language is often appalling, even the officers. It is one thing to say "Oh, d____," when one is under attack by Arabs; quite another to go around saying, "F___, f___, f___," all the time. This is the langauge of the tavern, sir, low and swinish. My son would like to join the army, but he is understandably concerned about being exposed to such brutishness.

Cursing is the sign of a limited vocabulary, and it sets a bad example to the Iraqis. What is your policy about it?

Best regards,

Reginald Dingethorpe

P.S. I am also concerned that you refer to yourself as a "whip". My wife and I are Christians, and we are not sure what to make of this.

The miserable anus didn't reply. So:

Dear Mr Delay, I wrote to you some time ago concerncing cursing in the armed forces. I still haven't received a reply. I was planning to make a SUBSTANTIAL donation to your campaign trail, but not until I have satisfied myself that you are sound on the cursing issue. I would very much appreciate a reply.

I enclose a copy of my original letter.

Best regards,

Reginald Dingethorpe

Still nothing, and nothing from Rick Sanatorium, who turns out not to be as stupid as I thought. But I did get a reply from our own Liberal Democrats:

Dear Mr Hutton, Thank you for your email about behaviour in the armed forces.

We feel that it is important to create a culture of opennes and fairness in the army and would implement measures to stamp out bullying, harassment and discrimination as well as undertake a comprehensive review of the presently inadequate military complaints procedures.