Hot Girls Really Do Have Problems

I try my best not to pay attention to the excess of horrible user-generated videos out there, but when the same video gets e-mailed to me no less than eight times, I am compelled to check it out. Bad move on my part.

The recent "hit" song and music video by the "group" who call themselves Double Take, Hot Problems, should probably be called Hot Mess because that's what it is. The "song" is performed by two 16-year-old girls who want the world to know that even hot girls like them do not have perfect lives. As the lyrics so poignantly state, these girls are just like you, "except they are hot." Thank you for letting the world know; we are much obliged.

The video, which was created somewhat apologetically by Old Bailey Productions, features the two hot girls hanging out in the back of a limo, not doing a whole hell of a lot save "being hot." The song and subsequent video is being compared to last year's musical disaster Rebecca Black and her song Friday. The obvious comparison being that both tunes are God-awful, and their high production quality seems similarly daddy-bankrolled. Last week Hot Problems was dubbed by some in the online world as the worst song of the year.

If you are not one of the nine million people who have watched this video yet, we're sorry to be the bearer of crap news.

Let's take a step back here and look beyond how atrocious the actual song is. Forgetting the girls' juvenile lyrics, off-key singing and overall lack of talent, let us consider the bigger picture - hot girls do have problems sometimes.

Are we all so quick to judge? Just because a female has superior outwardly features does not ensure that her life is fancy free. As was once infamously said by fictional male model Zoolander, "Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident," ergo hot people have problems just like us regular homely folks.

Impossible! Hot girls don't have problems. Of course they do and here is our top five.

5. Jessica Rabbit

She's not bad, in fact, she was just drawn that way. Voluptuous and undeniably sexy, Mrs. Rabbit found herself in a whole mess of garbage after playing a game of patty-cake with Marvin Acme, a man who was not her husband. Adding to her misery, the adultery led to a murder and the warrant for her husband's arrest. Rabbit claimed that she was blackmailed into the hand game and that none of it was her idea. Oh the pains of being hot at heart!

4. Sylvia Plath

Sylvia Plath in a picture taken in about 1954. Photograph: CSU Archive/Everett/Rex Features

Sylvia Plath was quite the looker. A pretty blond with a great smile, Plath mesmerized the literary world with her multi-layered poetry and raw emotional writings. However, it is no secret that Plath has some serious issues. While it is still unclear what specific psychological illness Plath may have suffered from, depression was her biggest enemy. After numerous suicide attempts, Plath was successful in killing herself via carbon monoxide poisoning. She was only 30 years old. 3. Chun Li

Poor, innocently-sexy Chun Li. Set out on a mission to avenge the death of father who was allegedly killed by the nefarious M. Bison, she was pitted against a team of large and unfeminine (not counting Dhalsim) bros who just want to kick her ass. All Chun Li wanted was a normal life teaching young girls about martial arts and enjoying a healthy karaoke repertoire, and instead she got stuck mastering the Hyakuretsukyaku.

It is difficult to judge whether superstar model Naomi Campbell has an issue with "finding good help" or if she has an anger management problem. I tend to think the latter. Between 1998 and 2008 Campbell was accused ten times of acting violently towards her various employees. Her secretary accused the model of physical abuse, her housekeeper alleged that Campbell kicked her, her housekeeper claims to have gotten a Blackberry to the face and she is permanently banned from British Airways. It sounds like Campbell has one very large problem and it's her own nasty temperament.

1. Marilyn Monroe

So pretty.

Beautiful, beautiful Marilyn. Considered by many to be the hottest of them all, Monroe had a ton of psycho-issues. She had depression, insomnia and enjoyed an unhealthy combination of prescription pills and alcohol. Toward the end of her days, she was said to be in good spirits with several movie contracts worth big buck in the works. Sadly, Monroe proved that even when it looks like you have it all, you still have your issues.