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"Presenting current trends on every aspect of dating, relationships and love."Thu, 26 Feb 2015 22:18:22 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.18 Lessons Frank Underwood Taught Us About Lovehttp://blog.pof.com/2015/02/8-lessons-frank-underwood-taught-us-love/
http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/8-lessons-frank-underwood-taught-us-love/#commentsThu, 26 Feb 2015 22:17:50 +0000http://blog.pof.com/?p=3151With the third season of Netflix’s “House of Cards” right around the corner, there’s no better time than now to..

]]>With the third season of Netflix’s “House of Cards” right around the corner, there’s no better time than now to reflect on the wise teachings of Congressman-turned-Vice-President-turned-President Francis Joseph “Frank” Underwood.

Besides being a master of manipulation and murder, Frank is also an expert in love, so before you grab the ribs, pull up Netflix and pop a squat on the coach for the next three days, let’s take a look at the eight best lessons Frank Underwood taught us about love.

Note: If you have not seen the second season of “House of Cards,” or if you’ve never even watched the show (shame on you!), you might not want to read this article – just sayin’.

“I love that woman. I love her more than sharks love blood.”

If you can love someone as much as Jaws loves attacking beach-goers, then you’ve got yourself a match, and Frank found himself a match in Claire.

“A great man once said, ‘Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power.’”

Sex is an important part of any relationship, but Frank isn’t naïve enough to assume there isn’t an underlying power play always going on. His relationship with Zoe proved that.

“I should have thought of this before. Appeal to the heart, not the brain.”

Most of the time, love and logic don’t go hand in hand, and Frank used this to his advantage when he tried hustling Donald Blythe for his vote.

“When we care too much, it blinds us.”

Frank only loves a few people, and Freddy is definitely one of them. However, he doesn’t let that love cloud his vision when it comes to doing what’s best for him. Can you say the same?

“He can go after me all he wants, but to go after my wife? No class.”

If you’re not going to stick up for the ones you love, who will?

“Did Zoe expect me to twiddle my thumbs until her arrival? Perhaps she’s making the mistake thinking her time is as valuable as mine. Proximity to power deludes some into believing they wield it. I put an end to that sort of thinking before it begins.”

Always remember that you have control over your life and your relationships – no one else does. Frank doesn’t sit around waiting for a man to call, and you shouldn’t either!

“Did you smell that? The smugness, the false deference. She thinks I can be bought with a pair of tickets. What am I? A whore in post-war Berlin salivating over free stockings and chocolate. What she’s asking will cost far more than that.”

Don’t let anyone, especially someone you’re dating, treat you less than what you deserve.

“There are two kinds of pain. The sort of pain that makes you strong or useless pain. The sort of pain that’s only suffering. I have no patience for useless things.”

After a bad date, fight or breakup, let those things give you strength instead of drowning your sorrows in a bowl of mac and cheese the size of your head. (Or maybe do that after the mac and cheese. No judgment!)

So the next time you’re contemplating your next move in love or in life, think about what Frank Underwood would do. Tap, tap!

As the editor-in-chief of DatingAdvice.com, I oversee content strategy, social media engagement and media opportunities. When I’m not writing about cheese or my 17-year love affair with Leonardo DiCaprio, I’m listening to The Beatles, watching Harry Potter reruns (I’m a proud Slytherin!) or drinking IPAs. Connect with me on Google+ and Twitter.

]]>http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/8-lessons-frank-underwood-taught-us-love/feed/010 Best Breakup Lines from TV and Movieshttp://blog.pof.com/2015/02/10-best-inspirational-dating-quotes-movies/
http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/10-best-inspirational-dating-quotes-movies/#commentsTue, 24 Feb 2015 23:10:01 +0000http://blog.pof.com/?p=3135We’re all familiar with the trend. You break up with your special someone and then immediately report to your best..

]]>We’re all familiar with the trend. You break up with your special someone and then immediately report to your best friend, who is armed with cookie dough and the best of Netflix. Next on the menu is a calorie-filled, crying coma set to the tune of “The Notebook” being played on repeat.

When you’ve got the breakup blues, what you really need is a good dose of sassy stars, smart-assy quips and the comedic styling of Adam Sandler to bring you back from the breakup grave.

If you’re feeling down and dumped, you can count on these 10 best breakup lines on film to help you forget what you’ve no longer got:

10. “I’d rather be his whore than your wife.”
(TITANIC)

What a line. In the epic tale of two strangers who met and fell in love aboard the Titanic, you can’t help but root for these star-crossed lovers. Rose was raised to be a woman of dignity and class; meanwhile, Jack Dawson is a wanderer, dirt-broke and offers nothing to compete with Rose’s rich, tool of a boyfriend (except for the fact that he is played by the young and dreamy Leonardo DiCaprio). By the time Kate Winslet delivers this spitfire line, we’re all ready to tell her pompous ass of a fiance where he can shove it.

#9 “Please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.” (THE WEDDING SINGER)

This crackerjack break-up line will leave your eyes bulging and head shaking as you struggle to hold back snickers even if you have no idea of the context of the movie. In The Wedding Singer, Robbie, played by Adam Sandler, opens up this separation suggestion with, “Hey psycho… It’s over.” As if that doesn’t totally convey the devastation he must be feeling, from there he unapologetically fears for the fate of his favorite band more than the fate of his relationship. All in all, for those who appreciate a good zinger, or at least a good rock band, you can’t beat this humdinger of a breakup line.

#8 “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”(GONE WITH THE WIND)

This verbal slap in the face will forever go down in history as one of the most quotable and epic breakup lines of all time. Suave, aloof Rhett is quite literally Gone with the Wind after he delivers these memorable 8 words to poor, frantic Scarlett in the 1939 classic film. It kind of stings just hearing it onscreen, but it’s too quick and too good not to praise.

#7 “I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.” (SAY ANYTHING)

Your heart can’t help but sink a little bit every time you hear John Cusack say this sadly relatable line. Just picture broken-hearted Lloyd, alone with his boom box—and a pen. It’s like seeing your cocker spaniel in the window through your rear-view mirror and knowing he’s thinking, “She really left. I offered to share my ball, and she poured Kibbles and Bits and drove off.” It’s a laughable line to deliver a sad, sad scene.

#6 “There is a good way to break up with someone, and it doesn’t involve a post-it!”(SEX & THE CITY)

Sometimes, it’s not just what’s said in a breakup, but how it’s said. When McDreamy and Meredith Grey commit their wedding vows to a sticky note, our hearts swooned, but a breakup via neon paper just doesn’t have the same heart-melting effect. Carrie Bradshaw, no stranger to heartbreak or embarrassing tell-alls about relationships, won’t let us do anything but laugh though when she dumps on her dumping with this comedic comeback.

#5“If I want to be a Senator, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.”(LEGALLY BLONDE)

Everything about this breakup scene is funny—from Elle’s guesses as to Warren’s reasons for dumping her (too blonde or her boobs are too big) to the sickening joke that is the pet name, “Pooh Bear.” A grown man using female icons as references for ideal life partners indicates that there was probably a little too many Cosmo quizzes involved in their relationship anyway. Was his ideal spouse an Autumn, rather than a Summer, too?

#4 “I prefer my space stringy, not loopy”(THE BIG BANG THEORY)

It’s safe to say that none of the characters of CBS show, The Big Bang Theory, are exactly skilled at normal human interaction, much less proper protocol for romantic relations. This makes for great television on most topics, but the breakup scenes win the sidesplitting game. Lactose intolerance, inability to speak with women in the room and an over-attachment to Mom are all standards in this friend group, but when it comes to science they don’t play. When Leslie Winkle hears that beau, Leonard Hofstadter’s thoughts on a hypothetical theory of physics differ from hers, that’s a “deal-breaker.”

#3 “1, 2, … I want a divorce”(CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE)

Kicking off a movie filled with love and laughs, the opening breakup scene in Crazy, Stupid, Love takes comedic timing to a new level. On a typical mom and dad date night, Cal and Emily Weaver contemplate what they want to follow their meal. Revealing their choices together on the count of 3 would be a fun, impulsive plan—if they were both pondering the dessert menu. Poor Cal’s suggestion of crème brule is drowned out when instead of crying for chocolate mousse, wifey blurts out that she would like to treat herself to a divorce.

#2 “It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.”(FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS)

Friends with Benefits—the concept and the movie—necessitate an absence of commitment. So when the writers of the 2011 romantic comedy introduce the leading characters in dating relationships, the plot leaves no choice but to deliver a memorable breakup scene. In a fantastic medley of Mila Kunis, JT and some breakup clichés, these stars deliver an onscreen separation that will have you wondering why you ever stayed in a relationship when breaking up could be so comical.

#1 “We were on a break” (FRIENDS)

Finally, the 5 little words that went down in history as one of the most referenced lines in a 10 season show puts the ultimate comedic spin on a devastating turn of events. Even if you’re not a FRIENDS fanatic (Do you people actually exist?), you’ve probably heard the phrase, or at least caught some meme on Pinterest, featuring a red-faced Ross Gellar and ever-perfect Rachel Green. While the actual breakup scene shattered everyone involved (especially viewers), Ross’s mistake with the hot girl from the Xerox place will forever live in uproarious infamy thanks to this line of hysterical miscommunication.

So why cry it out, when Truvy Jones of Steel Magnolias taught us that “laughter through tears” is the best emotion. Breaking up may be hard to do, but it sure is easier when you’ve got the comic relief of the best breakup lines onscreen.

As the editor-in-chief of DatingAdvice.com, Hayley Matthews oversees content strategy, social media engagement and media opportunities. Connect with her on Google+ and Twitter.

]]>http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/10-best-inspirational-dating-quotes-movies/feed/0Why We Still Can’t Stop Talking About Online Datinghttp://blog.pof.com/2015/02/still-cant-stop-talking-online-dating/
http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/still-cant-stop-talking-online-dating/#commentsThu, 19 Feb 2015 20:01:25 +0000http://blog.pof.com/?p=3133Before a time when the world was obsessed with flavor of the week apps and shiny new tech startups only..

]]>Before a time when the world was obsessed with flavor of the week apps and shiny new tech startups only to forget about them as quickly as you can swipe left, I got hired at an online dating site.

The year was 2010 and I had just turned 21 years old. The concept of dating online was more publicly uncomfortable then, although, almost 5 years later, the reaction remains more or less the same when people learn that I work for PlentyOfFish. Sometimes shock, often an involuntary facial twitch, always questions. Although the positioning of online dating in conversations is changing, one thing remains the same: we’re having the conversations. On the way to work, in the line at Starbucks, out for drinks with friends on Friday night, we’re having the conversations. So what is the big deal about online dating, and why can’t we stop talking about it?

Because We Still Don’t Know How It Works…But It Works

When we create these digital portraits for ourselves online, we’re navigating in a space we don’t really understand, but excites us nonetheless. This also makes us wary, though. We meet a jerk at a bar and we chalk it up to bad luck. We meet a jerk while we’re online dating, and it starts more of a conversation because we can’t make sense of the moving parts. The onus can be on cyberspace for bringing this loser to your inbox and not your own judgement. Still, most days I’d bet on the good judgment of matching algorithms and data scientists behind the scenes of a dating site over a great deal of my friends at the bar.

Even so, in the media you’re still more likely to hear about an online first date gone wrong than Harry and Sally (and thousands of people just like them every year) who met online and lived happily ever after, because those battle stories reassure us that there are still people out there who haven’t found anyone either! The thing is, Harry and Sally have told their friends, and their friends have told their friends, which results in a great deal of signups for us, and at least 1 in 5 marriages for those who are keeping track.

Because We’re Curious

Dating online means putting yourself out there – like really out there. Your hopes and dreams and wish list for an ideal partner is out there for your exes, coworkers and aunt Barbara to stumble across, and that can be scary at first. Maybe aunt Barbara actually met someone, and that pushed you over the edge, or maybe you heard that a celebrity is now considering joining a dating site after her latest breakup. Either way, you don’t want to be left behind.

So before you know it, you’re signing up too. And it’s strangely optimistic, to see those rows of hopeful faces smiling back at you, all of them single. So like a high school dance, you hang out on the outskirts for a while, maybe even until someone makes the first move and messages you. All of a sudden, our false modesty vanishes and the experience becomes more human than humiliating because you’re actually allowing yourself to have fun.

Because It’s Always Evolving

There was a time, so I’ve been told, when dating was not always this way. Despite this, I’m inclined to go the tough love route and tell you, sorry, but this is the way it’s going to be from now on. Technology has been seamlessly and irreversibly integrated into almost every nook and cranny of our existence, and the advancements in the online dating space are remarkable.

We’re obsessed with maximizing efficiency and tailoring all of our experiences to best fit our needs, but when it comes to our love lives, maybe we’re still more old-fashioned than we’re willing to admit. We routinely blog about deeply personal aspects of daily life, order our groceries, reserve a Car2Go, plan trips across the world and customize our own Nike sneakers, all online, but when it comes to dating online, we pretend it’s still just a little too out there.

But that’s OK! We’re still afraid that our stories won’t quite stack up when we’re recounting to our grandchildren that yes, “Grandma was checking her PlentyOfFish app on the commute to work and saw that Grandpa had selected her as a Favorite, and the rest is history.” We may not necessarily have the ancient family feuds or years spent oceans apart, but that’s only because life has changed. Dating has changed, and online dating will continue to evolve. But the hope and the intimacy and the love, that’s still the same. Besides, you have nothing to worry about, because in 10 years all the romantic comedies will be about online daters anyway.

]]>Over the past month, Mandy Stadtmiller, Chief Editor at XOJane has been using PlentyOfFish to test out popular dating cliches to see if they hold any truth (all in hopes of finding a great date for Valentines Day). Turns out, as you might suspect, some traditional dating advice has no place in 2015.

To save you from going to the same trouble to find a date, we’ve provided a crash course in defining and testing 30 of the most popular dating cliches below, based on Mandy’s findings.
Do you agree with this list? Which dating cliches have popped up in your life? Let us know below, and find the full rundown of the 30 days on The Mandy Project.

Cliché #2: “You never get a second chance to make a first impression”

Challenge: Hug strangers in Times Square, and ask them what their first impression of me is from that hug.Learning Point: Lead with confidence and it will follow the whole night through.

Cliché #3: “You’ll find him when you stop looking”

Challenge: Hand over my dating profile to a friend, and let them look through your matches.Learning Point: Not being able to see a man’s face leads to so much less judgement and more reflection.

Cliché #4: “Everything happens for a reason”

Challenge: Reply to one of my “suitors” on POF and explain to them how everything in my life had led up to the moment when I read their message.Learning Point: Taking a radically different intro approach in online dating works.

Cliché #5: “Love like you’ve never been hurt”

Challenge: Have a date where no matter what, I can’t talk about exes or my past.Learning Point: I suck at leaving exes out of things. When I consciously try, not just the date is better – but my life is better, too.

Cliché #6: “You should date a nice guy”

Challenge: Message a guy and ask him, “Would you consider yourself to be a nice guy? Give me several good examples why.”Learning Point: Nice guys are honestly the sexiest guys on earth.

Cliché #7: “Opposites attract”

Challenge: Ask a guy out who is my opposite.Learning Point: Don’t let someone who is totally different than you scare you away from a new potentially life-changing experience.

Cliché #8: “Never dress too sexy on a first date”

Challenge: Ask Instagram to pick my first date outfit in order to achieve just the right amount of sexiness.Learning Point: Go with classy-sexy not slutty-sexy.

Cliché #9: “Trust your gut”

Cliché #10: “You have to date your type”

Challenge: Pick a guy based only on his profile picture and ask him out.Learning Point: Over-thinking dating ruins dating.

Cliché #11: “You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else”

Challenge: Do something to treat myself that I’ve never done before.Learning Point: If you take care of yourself then you’re able to be your best self with other people.

Cliché #12: “Never accept last minute dates”

Cliché #13: “Be yourself”

Challenge: Go on the most genuine date ever.Learning Point: Authenticity leads to laughter leads to a really great date.

Cliché #14: “You have to accept men exactly as they are”

Challenge: Watch the Super Bowl with a group of manly men being exactly as they are.Learning Point: I love men so hard, especially when they are being all manly men.

Cliché #15: “Love should be easy”

Challenge: Go on a date and we have to agree with each other no matter what.Learning Point: Going with the flow is a choice.

Cliché #16: “Don’t have sex until you’ve been on at least three dates”

Challenge: Message ten guys from POF to find out if this cliché is actually relevant.Learning Point: Only ever listen to your intuition when it comes to sex – because you’re the only person who matters in this decision.

Cliché #17: “The two-day rule”

Challenge: Keep a diary of everything that I wanted to say to my date – while waiting two days before contacting him.Learning Point: Contact him while he’s still walking out the door if you want to. If a man likes you, he is going to like you.

Cliché #18: “It’s a numbers game”

Challenge: Message as many guys from POF in one day as I could using the briefest messages possible — and see how many quality responses I got back.Learning Point: Being bold, fearless and concise is the only way to play it.

Cliché #19: “Play hard to get”

Challenge: Create a scavenger hunt for your first date.Learning Point: It’s okay to make them chase you. They like it.

Cliché #20: “You have to put yourself out there”

Challenge: Walk around New York City with a sign that says, “I’m currently SINGLE.”Learning Point: Humiliation leads to fearlessness leads to risk taking leads to amazing things happening.

Cliché #21: “Don’t kiss on a first date”

Challenge: Poll Twitter and find out if it’s okay to get intimate early on.Learning Point: Coyness and directness are equally great strategies.

Cliché #22: “Love knows no age”

Challenge: Message 10 men older and 10 men younger than me on POF. Accept a date with one of them.Learning Point: Younger men are thirstier than the silver foxes – which is less attractive.

Cliché #23: “A man should pay for a first date”

Challenge: Create an estimate of how much you’re going to spend for the evening and present to a man at the beginning of a date.Learning Point: It’s okay to expect and demand old-fashioned chivalr

Cliché #24: “Make a man “engagement chicken” so he’ll fall in love”

Challenge: Bring a man engagement chicken on a first date.Learning Point: There is no quicker way to cut the ice than to give a man a chicken.

Cliché #25: “Avoid the topics of politics, money and religion on a first date”

Challenge: Create a conversational itinerary directing my date to every topic other than these three.Learning Point: Why steer clear of anything? You’re on the date; not the representative.

Cliché #26: “Don’t play games”

Challenge: Print out a list of relationship expectations and give it to a man on the first date.

Learning Point: There is nothing sexier than honesty.

Cliché #27: “Go after what you want”

Challenge: Pay for the date instead of expecting a man to do it.

Learning Point: Don’t be helpless.

Cliché #28: “There are plenty of fish in the sea”

Challenge: Ask out one of these “fish” in a big way for Valentine’s Day.Learning Point: You can’t find your fish if you don’t ask him out first.

Cliché #29: “Be busy”

Challenge: Spend a day primping on yourself – no matter what happens on Feb. 14.Learning Point: You’ll never be bummed or stressed when you treat life like a spa day.

Cliché #30: “Everyone should have a Valentine’s Day date”

Challenge: Go out and have the most celebratory V-Day ever.Learning Point: V-Day exists. Why deny it? Own it instead of letting it own you.

]]>http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/30-dating-cliches-defined-tested/feed/0How To Have A Happy Valentines Day: For Coupleshttp://blog.pof.com/2015/02/happy-valentines-day-couples/
http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/happy-valentines-day-couples/#commentsThu, 12 Feb 2015 23:52:25 +0000http://blog.pof.com/?p=3093We usually focus on offering Valentines Day advice to singles, but we know that this Hallmark Holiday can be rough..

]]>We usually focus on offering Valentines Day advice to singles, but we know that this Hallmark Holiday can be rough for couples, too. That’s why we’re doling out the advice to those who happened to be attached this February 14th.

Will you be one of the 6 million couples who get in engaged (if you’re not already engaged or married) on Valentines Day? Will you be the recipient of one of the 36 million heart shaped boxes containing some of the 58 million pounds of chocolate sold? Or will you toast the special occasion with some of the 174,000 gallons of bubbly consumed? Are you going to be doing…absolutely nothing? However you plan to spend this special day of love here are some tips to insure a more pleasant experience:

1. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind and fulfill your unspoken fantasies for Valentine’s Day. If you have very specific desires then communicate them to your partner. Which brings us to the next tip…

2. Engage in clear need expression to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Make sure that what you are asking for is reasonable given the duration and depth of your relationship.

3. Be open to accepting expressions of love from your partner that might not match up with yours.Stay in the moment and appreciate any meaningful or thoughtful effort even if it falls short of your expectations.

4. Maintain reasonable expectations.If your partner isn’t the romantic type then your shouldn’t expect a trail of rose petals leading from the front door to your bedroom where you find a bottle of champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and a heart made out of rose petals on the bed.

5. Identify and focus on your partner’s strengths and what you love and appreciate about them. Keep those in mind if your lover falls short of your expectations on Valentine’s Day. And, remember that those are the gifts that keep on giving throughout the year.

Michelle Skeen, PsyD is a therapist and the author of LOVE ME, DON’T LEAVE ME: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment & Building Lasting, Loving Relationships (New Harbinger, 2014). For more information, go to www.lovemedontleaveme.com.

]]>http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/happy-valentines-day-couples/feed/0The 4 Perks Of Being Single On Valentine’s Dayhttp://blog.pof.com/2015/02/4-perks-single-valentines-day/
http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/4-perks-single-valentines-day/#commentsSat, 07 Feb 2015 00:08:02 +0000http://blog.pof.com/?p=3088Ugh. Time for yet another “Hallmark”, cookie-cutter Valentine’s Day… Overpriced and overbooked restaurants, unwelcome pressure to purchase the best gifts,..

]]>Ugh. Time for yet another “Hallmark”, cookie-cutter Valentine’s Day… Overpriced and overbooked restaurants, unwelcome pressure to purchase the best gifts, and let’s face it… the in-your-face advertising that makes all the singles cringe. We’ve become so obsessed about celebrating love on this ONE day yet, isn’t love really about celebrating every day? And why do singles feel awful about their relationship status on V-Day?

Being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t something that you should feel ashamed about. Instead, use this day to celebrate your singledom! The way I see it is that this is a holiday where you can really take time to be grateful for your relationship status, reconnect with you, and show yourself some real love. So many of us wait around for the ‘right’ person to live our lives with… what if you were to start living your life for you instead?

One of the biggest relationship fails that I see often, is that people jump into them without first having a real relationship with themselves. This is the perfect formula for creating dependency issues within a relationship. When one partner can’t fill themselves up with love, they depend on the other partner to do so. That’s not what real love is about. Real love is building upon the love that each partner already has within themselves. This creates a stronger bond that will lead to a healthier relationship.

Don’t spend this Valentine’s Day feeling sorry for yourself. Take this day to reconnect to that love within you. Celebrate what it truly means to be single! Check out these awesome perks of being single on Valentine’s Day:

Invest in Yourself

No need to buy an overpriced gift for a partner that doesn’t exist Buy yourself a gift instead! Perhaps something that you’ve wanted for a while but didn’t want to indulge in… That new Tiffany’s necklace, or Nixxon watch. Why should you have to wait for someone to treat you? Now is that time to indulge! Go ahead… you’re worth it.

Spend V-Day Doing Whatever it is That You Truly Want To Do

With no one else in the equation, you have the freedom to do whatever it is that you truly want to do! Spend your day watching old 80’s romance flicks, eating at your favorite restaurants, walking aimlessly around the city taking in the sights, or head to the theatre to watch the latest new release. It’s silly to think that we need someone to do these things with and by holding onto this attitude, you’ll never truly take that time to show yourself some love. So get out there and take yourself on a date!

Treat Yourself

Why do we obsess over looking good for others? Instead, look good for you! Treat yourself this Valentine’s Day with a manicure/pedicure combo, a spa treatment (or two), a new haircut/color/style, a rockin’ new outfit, sexy lingerie, or a fresh barbershop shave (for the guys out there). When you treat yourself, you’re showing the world that you’re worthy. Self-love is the best love… and it’s damn sexy.

Celebrate Your Choice

Being single isn’t a curse, it’s a choice. Take pride in that choice! You’re choosing not to settle by waiting for a partner that’s just right for you. Or perhaps you’re taking a much-needed break from the dating world to reconnect with yourself. Whatever it is, the ultimate reason behind your relationship status is that you chose it. Celebrate that choice!

Stop waiting around for someone to treat you the way you want to be treated. Stop waiting for a partner to do the things you want to do. Instead, celebrate your single status! Treat yourself the way you truly deserve to be treated and live your life for you. Self-love is sexy, and it shows the world that you are confident in your own skin.
This Valentine’s Day, take the time to show yourself some love.

Ruby Fremon is a Self-Love Coach determined to help others create positive life transformations through the power of self-love. From living a life of self-destruction to a life of love and positivity, Ruby has created those massive shifts by learning to harness the power of self-love.Join Ruby for a very special pre-Valentine’s Day Google+ Hangout on Thursday February 12th! She’ll be discussing self-love, relationships, and will be answering all your questions live. RSVP here:https://plus.google.com/events/c19qtrjjdtbrjv8md9gfv55k3jc

]]>http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/4-perks-single-valentines-day/feed/0Two Ways To Break Up Without Breaking Downhttp://blog.pof.com/2015/02/two-ways-break-without-breaking/
http://blog.pof.com/2015/02/two-ways-break-without-breaking/#commentsFri, 06 Feb 2015 01:15:46 +0000http://blog.pof.com/?p=3086Kevin’s voice and hands shook as he told me how he yearned to break up with Sheila, his girlfriend of..

]]>Kevin’s voice and hands shook as he told me how he yearned to break up with Sheila, his girlfriend of three years. The trouble was, the thought of leaving terrified him. He was beset by what-ifs: What if he didn’t find anyone else, or anyone better? What if he’d been with Sheila so long, he should just stay? What if he couldn’t make himself hurt her this way?

But the most important question of all was one he didn’t ask—and one we all need to. What if you stay with the wrong person?
Part of dating is hurting others—as painlessly as possible. How painlessly? And how worded? That depends in part on the seriousness of the relationship.

What to say

If you’ve just begun seeing someone, or you are turning down a first date, you can do it over the phone and say:
“Thank you for asking me, but I don’t feel like we’ve got enough in common” or, “Thanks so much, but I’m just not interested.”

And if it’s a more serious, longer-lasting relationship—like Kevin’s–, you can meet in person (unless you feel unsafe), and use this script:
“I’ve really enjoyed _____________ about you. But I don’t think we have enough in common to continue, and I don’t feel the way I’d need to for us to move forward together.”
Repeat either script as often as needed, like a broken record, until the break-up meeting is over.

Why this works

When I conducted a break-up survey that asked people, “What words would you most like [your partner] to use when they break up with you?” men and women of all ages and backgrounds overwhelmingly wanted honesty, but not brutality. Respondents strongly preferred their former date to say something worthy about them, and then to proceed to an honest but kind reason for the break-up. The most-desired reasons reflected the theme of a poor match: “It’s just not going to work out,” “I don’t think we’re right for each other,” “We don’t have enough in common,” and/or “We’re not a good enough match.”

Factually speaking, they’re on the right track for long-term happiness. Dozens of studies show that similarity is the best pathway to the widespread goal of a happy union. So saying, “I don’t think we have enough in common to continue” is not only clear and brief—it’s Truth, a reason deeply rooted in the reality of what makes for a happy permanent relationship. Other studies show that kindness in our actions is a rock-bottom requirement for happiness with anyone. So avoiding character assassination and focusing on our own feelings instead works. And bonus! This method is unassailable: You feel how you feel, period.

Did Kevin break up? You bet. And he told me the pain of worrying about it was far worse than how he felt afterwards; afterwards, he felt free to find a better match.
The price of finding the right one is bypassing every wrong one, including everyone who’s almost-but-not-quite what you need. Nobody ever said, “Thank you for settling for me!” Set yourself—and this other person—free.

Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do (2015). This is a partial excerpt, copyrighted by the author. You can get a free chapter and read more at http://www.lovefactually.co

]]>Question: If a sexy, trustworthy male friend were to offer you this situation, and you hadn’t yet found your forever guy, what would you say? With many women spending significant portions of our lives single, the “friends with benefits” arrangement can sound ideal. And yet, factually speaking—it’s probably not.

The Thirst-Quencher?

Drive reduction theory shows that when we have an increasing physical need—like sex—then our motivation to meet that need also rises. So if we are horny, we might be motivated to get up off the couch and shave our legs and put on a sexy outfit and hang out someplace where hot men tend to hang out.

Unless of course, that thirst has already been quenched by lots of sex through a “friends with benefits” situation. Then it becomes much too easy to spend our nights eating pizza in front of Hulu until our boy toy arrives.

What’s In It For You?

In repeated studies, over 75% of women say they have an orgasm every single time if they’re with a committed partner—yet that same percent of women says they don’t orgasm with more casual flings.

Um, bummer.

Chemical cocktail, anyone?

Ever wonder why pleasure from sex toys can leave you feeling a little unfulfilled, compared to the physical and emotional satisfaction of sex with a partner? Drugs. Our bodies produce an abundance of chemicals in anticipation of and in response to sex—creating mood-boosting properties similar to anti-depressants.

And the more often women have sex with any one partner, the more of this Chemical Bond-O our bodies release. Meaning? We get stuck on partners even when we don’t want to.

And so, the scientist in me recommends the following:

Ask yourself the following three questions:

Are you one of the ¼ of women who can actually have casual sex and not get attached or hurt?

Are you among the minority of women who will be sexually satisfied without an emotional bond and/or commitment?

And if your FWB is gloriously capable of bringing you pleasure, will you still be motivated to do all the work of finding the right man for you?

If you answer all three questions in the affirmative~great! Use condoms, use your head, and have fun.

But if you’re like most women and answer No to even one of those questions, we’re back to sex with ourselves while looking for The One.

Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do (2015), which is available now. You can get a free chapter and see more at http://www.lovefactually.co

]]>http://blog.pof.com/2015/01/science-behind-friends-benefits-doesnt-work/feed/0The Only Questions You Need To Ask On A First Datehttp://blog.pof.com/2015/01/questions-need-ask-first-date/
http://blog.pof.com/2015/01/questions-need-ask-first-date/#commentsTue, 27 Jan 2015 22:00:31 +0000http://blog.pof.com/?p=3076One of the number one questions constantly coming up in the date-o-sphere is, “What should I talk about on a..

]]>One of the number one questions constantly coming up in the date-o-sphere is, “What should I talk about on a date?” When the conversation runs dry, it’s an instant mood killer, and panic can set in. There is no reason it has to be this way.

The main point of any question on a first date is to learn about your prospective partner but in a fun way which keeps the conversation engaging. The main guideline can be this; ask questions that go deep, and avoid superficial small talk. What someone was doing today probably isn’t as interesting as finding out about why they chose to jump out of an airplane in the Congo, although it might be a good starting point.

The ‘why’ is everything in creating a meaningful conversation. Learn what motivates your date and what journey brought them to this point in his/her life. Go deep and find out who your date is, but don’t be dry and overly serious. Some jokes and teasing will keep it light while you discover if you have a good connection or not.

Normally, on the first date, both people will be a bit nervous, so open up with a lighthearted comment. It really can be about almost anything but you can start with a simple compliment as long as you mean it. Otherwise a joke or mundane comment about the day doesn’t hurt. The objective is to deliver a smile and disarm a potentially nervous date.

Along with your smile and opening comment, make sure to keep strong eye contact.

A question to start with: What do you do?

Asking someone what they do for a living may extremely mundane by itself, but it’s what you say after she tells you the ‘what’ which will create an engaging conversation. The conversation will become more intricate and engaging the deeper you go using the information that comes out at each step of the way.

Every time a new bit of information comes out, just add additional content by relating your own personal experience or opinion, then tag on another question to go deeper. The basic formula is: Question + Listen + Add new content + Make a new question.

For example, if she says, “I like cooking vegetarian dishes even though I eat meat.” Now you can reply with your own opinion on the topic, “Oh really? I used to be a vegetarian but my best friend went to chef school and that all went out of the window (new content). Why do you prefer vegetarian cooking even though you eat meat? (New question going deeper)”

Now she will have a chance to explain, and along with her explanation will come out all sorts of interesting information, each bit of which could become a conversation on it’s own.

Basically you could almost ask anything because it’s going to be based on your own unique experiences in life, but as long as you go deep and add your own experiences to the conversation, you can avoid turning your date into an interview. A meaningful conversation will go a lot further to get to know someone than a little small talk or talk about the day.

Body language is also extremely important in this equation but that will be explained in the next segment on how to have a meaningful first date conversation.

Do you know someone who struggles with conversations on a date? Post this article to Facebook and share with your friends.

]]>Perfection is impossible, so stop expecting it from your relationships.

Expecting perfection can be problematic in life, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Whether you’re single and always looking for the perfect mate or in a relationship and expecting your partner to be everything you dreamed they would be, obsessing about the possibility of perfection can leave you perpetually unsatisfied and get in the way of your own happiness. That’s why, years ago, I developed a simple philosophy that I call the “80% Solution.”

When I start to feel dissatisfied with some dimension of a relationship, whether it’s at work, with a friend, or especially at home, I mentally list all of the strengths and weaknesses of that person. Then I compare my evaluation to my vision of perfection.

If the picture adds up to at least 80% of my ideal, then I will go with it and not spend a single second thinking about alternatives. If the “score” is between 60% and 79%, then I might start looking. Below 60%—it’s time to make a change . . . the sooner the better. Is your spouse or partner perfect? Not if you’ve lived with him or her for more than a few days. The proper question isn’t, “Is he or she perfect?” The useful question is: “Is he or she good enough, and are we compatible?” And if he or she is good enough, then I say magnify his or her positives and minimize their less important negatives. My wife Daveen and I are by no means perfect, but we have been together now for 35 years.

Despite the fact that I grew up with the idea that my “one and only” was somewhere out there, and that my only task was to find her, I now believe that in this world there are at least ten thousand women with whom I could be perfectly happy. But I have no idea where Daveen falls on the list of potential great wives. Is she number one? Unlikely. Number ten thousand? Unlikely. She is almost certainly somewhere in between the top and the bottom. I will never know Daveen’s exact ranking because it is impossible for me to meet, know, and compare each of those ten thousand possibilities. So I need to have a better method of deciding when I should stop looking for the perfect, and enthusiastically embrace the 80%.

Now in any relationship, it takes two to tango, so you need to apply the 80% Solution to yourself as well. Are you at or above 80% of your ideal for yourself? Think about it. You can’t very well eliminate yourself from your life, so if you’re not quite there yet, your task here is to bring your own score up to 80%. You can do this in two ways: lower your expectations or improve yourself. Either route has its own challenges, but if you do it, I’m confident that you’ll be much more satisfied with yourself, your relationships, and your life.

The 80% rule works. Granted, this method is entirely subjective, but what in your life isn’t? Your 80% might not be my 80%, but it is your 80% and that is what is important to you. Maybe you are more particular than I am and will only settle for a score of 90% (Good luck with that!). Maybe you’re more laid back than I am, and 70% is fine for you. No problem. Maybe you prefer a different score for different situations. Live it up, create your own matrix. The important point is to pick a standard, and live with it, or them.

What do you think of the 80% Solution? ALAN FOX is the author of The New York Times bestseller PEOPLE TOOLS: 54 Strategies for Building Relationships, Creating Joy, and Embracing Prosperity. Visit www.peopletoolsbook.com