Sausage biscuit is the perfect breakfast food

Chuck BoutwellColumnist

Friday

Oct 7, 2011 at 3:00 PM

Breakfast is the most important meal of the morning. I was thinking about that as I drove into work. My breakfast plans usually determine my route. There are at least three very different paths I can take to get from home to work that are all really close in time and distance. If it is school bus time, one of those routes is a lot slower. But that's seldom an issue. I normally go in before the busses are in full swing during the week, and of course they are not a problem on Saturday and Sunday.So breakfast selection is more often a factor.There are the normal fast food options, but more often than not, I stop at a little hole-in-the-wall convenient store in Raceland. It's a little out of the way, but since I discovered this place, I have fallen in love with it — and it's worth the trip.Generally, I have a hole-in-the wall philosophy when it comes to eateries: The closer they come to the edge of violating health and safety codes — without actually crossing the line — the better.This place is not like a typical convenient store.Normally, you have a steam-heated contraption with a glass front. You tell a clerk what you want — or just point and ask for a particular quantity if you don't quite know what an item is."What's that?" I might ask while pointing to something brown.For some reason, I often have a hard time understanding the serving person in situations like this. I don't know if it has something to do with the heat jumbling up the syllables or the steam clogging my ears, but sometimes I don't understand them any better than the old street sushi dude in "Blade Runner.""Futatsu de jubun desu yo."I never ask them to repeat themselves. I don't want this to turn into one of those scenes."What?""Futatsu de jubun desu yo.""What?!?"Instead, if it's obviously not boudin — which freaks me out — or if it's fried and doesn't appear to be oysters, I just order a couple of them and some chicken strips as a back-up. And meat pies, of course.And it's usually something good. I wish we had more fried corn on the cob or fried macaroni and cheese. There's a convenient store on the way to Baton Rouge that has those. It still sucks to drive to Baton Rouge, but it gives you a little something to look forward too.By the way, if there were street sushi stands around here or in New Orleans like the one in "Blade Runner," I would go so often they would know my name — or they'd at least give me a nickname, "Sumo-sized Gaijin Who Doesn't Eat the Sushi."But I digress.The store in Raceland is not like the normal convenient store — nor is it like the imaginary street sushi stand. There is a simple, small steam table, maybe 3-by-6 feet, and there is not very much of a selection. But it is an interesting selection. And you can tell the people who prepare the food really care about it and know what they are doing. There are stainless steel bins with sausage biscuits — simple, plain, normal sausage biscuits. But that's where normal ends. Next is a bin with meat pies. I think it's a state law that they have to carry meat pies. The meat pies share a bin with tasso — just tasso, the Cajun, smoked, ham-like food cut into cubes and maybe passed through a broiler for a few minutes.Next is a bin with half-links of smoked sausage, sliced length-wise and grilled very nicely. The same bin also has boneless pork chops, also grilled to perfection with bratwurst.I would say the bratwurst is also grilled to perfection, but there is only so perfect a German sausage can be prepared. I think that the quality of German cuisine is one of the reasons the nation invaded other countries with better foods twice last century. But that's just me.Next is a bin for grilled chicken breasts. Never had one, but it's safe to assume there are no better grilled chicken to be had at any convenient store in the area.On the other side of the table is the sausage aisle. Two kinds of boudin, whole links of hot and mild smoked sausage and "new sausage." The new sausage is fantastic. Lots of garlic and green onion and spices, but not hot. There's nothing better at 5:30 a.m. And finally, egg rolls. I don't know why.On top of the hood and sneeze shield is bread. There is something like hot dog buns, but large enough to accommodate links of sausage. Also, there is simple sliced white bread, two slices, in little resealable bags. I think if you dig around, you might find a couple of slices of whole wheat bread. With the things being sold to go in between the slices of bread, I can't help but think the whole wheat is there for irony purposes.And of course it is self-serve. There are a couple of pairs of tongs in Mardi Gras-style plastic cups, half filled with water.Beautiful.So as I'm driving in this morning with my sausage biscuit, bag of tasso, grilled sausage on white bread, chocolate chip cookie and a Red Bull the size of a scuba tank, I'm thinking, "Wheaties, Schmeaties. This is the Breakfast of Champions." Cha-cha-cha.

Chuck Boutwell is a humor columnist for Big Fun on the Bayou. Opinions expressed in this column represent the views of the columnist, not necessarily this publication. He can be reached at chuckboutwell@yahoo.com.

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