70 & 90-day reports: an amazing journey

Submitted by admin on Sun, 07/15/2012 - 21:13

I found the "Rebooting" information at YBOP through a random search one day and it has changed my life in ways I never thought possible. I watched the series of vids and the brain-chemistry explanation at YBOP and this was the turning point and it gave me the tools of understanding to help to fight a serious addiction.

Today, I am 70 days free of P/M/O and accomplished this by also cutting out Fap completely - extreme measure but I see it all has to do with resetting the brain's Dopamine patterns that YBOP helps to explain.

I had been addicted to porn in ways that consumed huge amounts of time and drained a lot of life out of me. Not just viewing vids or pics but also hardcore camming, sex chat in chat rooms and posting my own hardcore pics. Porn use started when I was twelve and has been with me more or less my whole adult life, even while in relationships. I was ashamed of the time I had lost to the habit but don't feel so bad about this now since making these changes. No one is really accountable in the world of online sex images or streaming vid, everyone is just a piece of meat, all we do is sell ourselves short. But here is a chance now to finally be and act accountable.

I was determined to change but sensed I needed some kind of additional support, especially during the first few weeks. I recommend having some kind of friend or sponsor as it really helps to have an ear when you are going through the doubts and frustration. But a site like this one (yourbrainbalanced) would also be great for finding support and I see this at work here, so I would definitely use it if it is available.

Thanks to the YBOP vid series on addiction I learned it is just the way our brains are wired that can easily make us porn/sex addicts. (You mean I am not a total deviant??) This new understanding instantly took away the idea of carrying shame or regrets of having been hooked all the time (for years). Recognizing that a lot of this p/m/o behavior pattern comes down to brain chemistry was probably the most important reason that helped me to think about ending the addiction once and for all.

I also read of others who were making serious no-fap changes for the better. This also made a difference in how I perceived the challenge.

Now, after 70 days...

I feel a real sense of calmness that replaces my earlier anxiety about myself. The shame and hopelessness are also gone as I get out of this cloud. I finally woke up to realize my flawed part in seeing people as purely sex objects online, of also transferring that same warped perception onto people in real life. I also realized this is how I saw myself too, as some kind of entitled sexual athlete, defined by my sex drive with all the other good parts of my personality getting lost by my unending sexual appetite.

This has changed now. I have been allowing the physical, ego-driven world to transform into a more spiritual and caring world. I don't feel I need to be a sexual athlete, I just need to be a better man over all. Because I feel good about myself for making these changes, I don't feel so empty inside. I believe good things will happen in good time so I can relax a bit and just work on being a better, more giving, more accountable person each day.

Things I noticed after getting on the Rebooting - no fap program:

1. After about three to four weeks, I became hyper aware of waking up to morning erections that felt like my whole body was having a great hardon. This daily morning wood is like a nice greeting in the morning. Over some time, the hardons have even become MUCH harder! They last longer too! I wasn't tempted to touch myself but marveled at what nature has given me (or in a way, now returned to me). I started to sense my body is a gift to be shared with this kind of warmth and excitement. Prior to this was the "flatline period" and nothing seemed to be going on then.

2. My member started to look great after about 4 to 5 weeks. By this I mean the surface did not look dull but much smoother and even kind of translucent. Without the fap, the skin has a chance to soften and recharge. It was definitely noticeable.

3. My voice has deepened a bit in conversations (not deep in tone but fuller, and more steady) and in general I have become more confident around others, both men and women. People seem to talk more easily with me. The opposite is true too, I feel more at ease to take chances with starting up conversations. The other night two nice women came up and touched my beard/stubble and it felt great to have this kind of connection and with everyone feeling at ease. I feel more at ease with asking friendly girl out for coffee because I honestly simply want to get to know her better and feel I have less agenda now so the asking feels more enjoyable and spontaneous... this is hard to explain but it works and smiles are easily returned. I also sense I have a lot less shame I think, less to hide, less to explain and that means I have a lot more to GIVE instead!

4. I sometimes see porn images by chance if searching out something on the internet. I realize they can be enticing, but instead of lingering, I quickly click out and move on.

5. An unexpected but truly helpful benefit of going No Fap - No P/M/O is that I also learned to cut out the bad relationships in my life. These would be the "casual" encounter local contacts that had my number and I had theirs too. I realized that casual "No strings attached" sex was the same as porn, actually probably worse. It is still just like seeing the other person as only a sex object and they are using you the same way too, just like two people seeing each other as fantasy, the same as porn use. This had to end for me as well. It was tough to accomplish as I have long history of non-committal sex partners, always going after "unavailable" types. These have ended now. I don't need to explain it further to any of them now, I just need to have faith a good relationship can now take the place instead of these dead-end ones.

6. My regular friendships have become stronger and more enjoyable. I am more open to spending time with them and going with activities that I might have passed up before. I have more time for hobbies and getting outdoors.

7. A few mornings I found I could become so excited by simply laying still (and no touching) that I was able to actually get close to having an orgasm just from being aware of my turned-on body. At the last moment, I stopped myself from having an ejaculation and was amazed at this kind of mind-over-matter self-control. That has happened a few times in the mornings after about 5 weeks into the program. It felt good to be free of porn and know my body could function perfectly well without that stimulation.

8. My spiritual life continues to strengthen. I use prayer and meditation now more than ever to remain calm and optimistic. Shame seems to feed on itself when you are isolating yourself behind closed doors sometimes, so it seems you really need to look outside yourself to help get over this. Connecting to the sites like Redit, YBOP and this one have been extremely helpful for inspiration and ending the pattern. I feel more accountable and valued now, and, as a result, this helps me to keep focused and stay on track

9. I have become SUPER PRODUCTIVE in my spare time! For awhile though at first I felt overwhelmed, like nothing was going well, but eventually I saw I had done so many projects and my life feels much more easier to navigate.

10. I discovered that once you decide to do this program, it does get easier after some amount of time.

[day 70 continued] My best answer would be to ask you if you are satisfied with the kind of day-to-day existence that porn and fap give you. I am assuming you are now going porn free (no P/M/O) which I know does NOTHING sometimes to take away the horniness level you are experiencing from day-to-day (especially in the mornings I found).

As I mentioned, the first few weeks were a real test of this so by day 20 I can see why someone might feel like caving in. This is really a time when we discover what are our real priorities. Is it all about getting pleasure and our own selfish desires met? Or is this the time when we can finally step back and think carefully about who we are as men and what we stand for? Sometimes though without the immediate answers it just becomes more important to focus on our actions. Have some backbone instead of acting like a lab rat always clicking the mouse.

You are really asking a deeper question about finding comfort with being monogamous someday. I would cross that bridge when you come to it, you won't know where you are with this until you find a great relationship, then it is possible you'll wonder why you even questioned this.

I think once you get past the fap addiction you may find you may have other addictions too sometimes. Being addicted to casual sex encounters (non committal relationships, fb's etc) is also something to step away from at some point too if you recognize it as a pattern that is getting you nowhere.

What drove me into those dead end relationships was definitely lack of respect for myself since my "casual" partners also didn't respect me either and only wanted sex in the end. (Or maybe they wanted more and I wasn't able to give this emotionally which is really bad if you are stringing people along just for sex). I don't want to hurt anyone like that or hurt myself too by denying the possibility that a relationship could deepen into something much more fulfilling.

I see dating now as a new chance to finally be more accountable. I will not date someone now just to get my immediate needs met. I will take time to get to know that person and if nothing else it will be possible to have a close friendship from this kind of approach. We are so much more than the parts tucked below our belts.

Instead of serial dating, it will only be one person at a time that will be my focus now. If you know you are not happy with average girls but desire maybe someone with more smarts or more accomplishments or more of a content spiritual life (or whatever good things you value in a person), think about how great it will be someday to have that kind of girl in your life. Think about the good things you are willing to give that person too. You won't find them if you are dating someone you are only using only for sex, right?

I say hold on and learn about having patience. The internet has brainwashed so of us many into thinking instant pleasure should be found NOW which is not the real world. We need to overcome this warped thinking and make better choices. Questioning this is actually a very good start so I commend you on that.

Update: I am about two weeks away from completing 90 days. There have been good days and not so good, but in general I can see real progress from where I started from. I plan to stay focused and porn free from now on.

Today marks the 90th day of my No Fap/No P/M/O Reboot. I can confirm that the changes (outlined at the start of this thread) are continuing to be experienced and I remain free of porn addiction.

Quitting PMO 90 days ago revealed to me I had other issues (like casual sex partners) that were not helping me towards my goal of finding and satisfying a deeper intimacy with one special person. I hadn't set out to change those (casual-contacts) behaviors with the reboot but this eventually became an important part of a new awareness while becoming porn free. I continue to work on leaving behind my addictive dependencies and what I consider to be unhealthy behaviors in the past. I plan to continue to stay committed to this progress and, at the same time, enjoy feeling better about these personal accomplishments.

I am very happy to say I made the full 90 days with out one single incident of P/M/O. It was in my mind to do this from the start. I wasn't sure I could stay 100% fap free but I have also done the full 90 days without once stroking myself to O. I admit there were some moments of some "careful" edging a few times along the way (mostly I was amazed and curious about how hard I was becoming after the first few weeks into the reboot) but I found this was frustrating and did what could to avoid it too.I caught myself a few times scanning porn in a few absented-minded searches at odd times but ended these fairly quickly. By cutting out fap my brain soon was "conditioned" NOT to associate the images with fap, and it became easy at that point to turn away.I have now experienced that being fap free was the right way to break the dopamine pattern as put forward by YBOP. I recalled a doctor once told me that the brain really does get stuck in ruts the way the brain chemicals create neural "trenches" that are very hard to overwrite. But with real determination It CAN be done. This has been an amazing journey and a real challenge. At various times it was difficult both physically and emotionally (mostly in the first 40 or 50 days, especially in the first few weeks). But then a cloud seemed to lift! Things began to stabilize. Many days I marveled at how hard I was becoming each time I woke with wonderful morning wood. It has become a very regular occurrence now and at times the hardness has been EXTREME! lol I took this as a great sign my body was recovering and becoming much more sensitive. As I mentioned above, this feels like a gift being given to me (or returned to me). It is completely natural and absolutely NO electricity, keyboard, mouse, or lcd screen is needed for this.

One thing I should mention is that there does seem to be such a thing as the "Chaser Effect." Watch out... guys report here and at Redit that if they relapse with MO or PM during the reboot they often want to do PMO or MO again soon after. I believe this is exactly how the dopamine cycle works so it can indeed be very difficult to break that cycle. You just need to be VERY aware of this "effect" so you can overcome those impulses if you are trying seriously to make the reboot program effective. In my case, I had a few dates at one point and eventually some very enjoyable intimacy. And it was like the very next day that I had an incredible urge to MO (I had been so charged it seems from the intimate experiences). But I knew about the "chaser effect" and successfully got past those urges.

Thanks: Gingushkhan, BAMBAM, Daniel, Stopper and The Underdog for the support you have left here for me. Knowing other guys are working to end these difficult addictions makes a great difference. Keep vigilant and dedicated, these benefits and peace of mind are well worth it.

I am not sure about taking up fap at this point having completed the goal of 90 days and welcome ideas about this from others who are making similar changes. Thanks.

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