Dear Twilight: Today’s post is a little mashup of everything- which is a good representation of life lately. Kicking us off is SJ with a little note that maybe tugged at my heartstrings a little (not to be confused with a continuous heartquake. That’s very different. I love those too)

Dear Twilight World aka ‘my fantasy life’,

maybe we'll get another photoshoot like this again soon!

I love you, have adored you, and at times rearranged significant real life events (eg getting to work on time, highjacking bosses comp. to watch New Moon premiere livestream) to suit your needs. That is why I am imploring you now to please, for the sake of the Trinity and mother Stephenie, meat patties, brain bleach, Robsten, Nobsten and Kellan’s pamphlet of LA breast cancer clinics he keeps pinned to his fridge by a Cullen crest magnet (for when his mom *ahem* visits), and yes even the *shudder* ‘snail’, please, please don’t JUMP THE SHARK, not just yet. I’m not ready.

I know that UC & Moon have been blogging much less, but bless ’em they’ve been the equivalent of Storm Troopers (maybe I mean Jedi’s??) in this whole saga ie the awesome guys. And so what if Cdubs & Cathy Hardy & the short guy are now but echoing voices, we still have Steph, Bill and whatsisname the producer. The whole cast may have temporarily faded into the LaLaLand ‘networking’ ghetto but lets remember that there are good times to come.

In just a few months we will care who that blonde chick standing to the left just behind Cuddlemore in a .52 second piece of footage is, Taylor will have had at least six more fauxmances, Ashley Greene will have done an even tackier swimsuit shoot, and Robsten still won’t be/will be getting cozy on the bearskin rug – just for us. And Dakota Fanning has/is? turning 18 years of age so, here’s extending an official welcome to LTT Dakota.

It’s already April, please just keep cruising around behind the speedboat before hitting that ski jump later in the year, you never know what may happen in the meantime, esp. if Rob is driving the speedboat. 😉

Sj.

AHHH SO TRUE. NEVER LET ME GO, NEVER LET ME GO (Twilight… I’m talking to you and not at all reminiscing the amazingness of last night’s Vampire Diaries. Not one bit)

In other news I was cleaning out our inbox a bit (I read some emails sent 1 month ago, go me!) and found a gem of a picture that Kaybvee sent us. Kay was at the Breaking Dawn Black Carpet & captured a Moment when Billy Burke’s wife grabbed his ass– Kaybvee says she was “practically up in there!” See for yourself:

Hey, I’d cop a feel of that copstache any day. Go get ’em girl!

And LASTLY– my personal favorite find from our inbox (Thanks Sagalvr!)…. As you all know I was lost to Downton Abbey a few weeks back. Well, I’m on my 2nd watch through of the series (much slower this time because Mr. Choice begged me to wait & watch them with him! He loves Bates) And what’s better than Downton Abbey? Downton Abbey AND something from Twilight. So there’s this:

(Total spoilers ahead if you really wanted to see Red Riding Hood unspoiled)

Director of Twilight you say???

Dear Catherine Hardwicke,

Sooooo I saw your latest movie Red Riding Hood on Saturday and let me just say WOW. And then I’m going to follow that with WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???!!!!!?!?! My friend and I decided to hit up a matinee of Red Riding Hood based on an interesting trailer and our love for cute boys in fantasy type films. We smuggled in some Haribo and Diet Cokes and it was ON. The opening credits rolled and we both turned to each other and said “what movie are we watching?” Cause the opening sequence could have been lost footage from the first Twilight film, all that was missing was that Black Ghosts song and Charlie picking Bella up in the squad car. BUUTTT what do you know ol Charlie I mean… whatever Billy Burke’s character’s name is was THE DAD! Anyway, so you love a good overhead helicopter shot of snowy woods on mountain tops, I can understand that and really the Twilight rip off aren’t the issue. When we’re only 5 minutes into a film and the audience is openly laughing out loud at what’s supposed to be a dramatic movie, you know something has gone horribly wrong. The last time I saw a movie where people laughed out loud like this was Crossroads with Britney Spears in the early 2000’s. Yikes! And yet again we turned to each other but this time it was my pal saying “this is really awful, isn’t it?” Um, yea pal it is AWESOMELY AWFUL! We’re talking Syfy Channel level of awesomely awful! It was like we were watching The Village meets Ring of Nibelungs meets Twilight..

Say it! Out Loud! SAY IT: Fairey Tale!

The Twilight similarities could go on for days beyond the opening title sequence and Billy Burke being the Dad to the insane amount of close ups of the eyes to the werewolf looking like a first draft of the New Moon wolves to the MEADOW scene with Amanda Seyfried and Edward #2 (he was second in line for Edward after Rob!) to the love triangle to the “say it out loud” part to werewolves to the “specially abled kid.” Ok, so there wasn’t a specially abled kid in Twilight, unless you consider BooBoo/Seth special...

Now why don't you try acting more like ME this time...

I won’t even go into the REALLY awkwardly sexual town dance sequence (that I’ve since reenacted twice for friends) but that’s about the moment I had an epiphany. Red Riding Hood is really the film adaptation of your cougar lady Ren. Faire Harlequin romance novel fan fic you wrote on vacation last year. Cause who really has names like Valerie and Cesaire and Henry and Suzette and Claude if they’re not in a Fanfic or Soap Opera? After I realized THAT it all made sense… the main character was a blond who gets it on with a guy who was almost Edward who has a dad who wakes up in a pile of his own vomit and has a slutty mom. It was YOUR version of Twilight with YOU as the main character… only sadly you are less Aman anda Seyfried and more a younger version of the Grandma. (sad trombone).

Now my only other question remains: is there a lurid audition tape of Shiloh Fernandez and Amanda Seyfriend (Amandiloh? Shiman?) you’re going to hold over theirs heads, refer to and pull out anytime you do press for movies other than Red Riding Hood in the future?

Yup, I thought so.

Still LOL-ing,
Themoonisdown.

Follow the cut for more questions and observations from Red Riding Hood. I really just couldn’t fit all the awesome into one postContinue…

For this week’s Open Post, we remember back to when that movie about vampires came out in June. Remember the one? Remember all the stuff that happened during the month of June for LTT & our friends? Well, we didn’t even get to all the stories yet! @Brookelockart got ON the red carpet & she regales her story with glee for us this weekend!

Dear LTTers,

Once upon a time, a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, girl (me, duh) traveled across the country to the mean streets of L.A., on no sleep to venture to her first movie premiere ever! Not buying the innocent Brooke? Yeah, okay – I was freaking ecstatic about getting into the Eclipse premiere. I mean when @Lolashoes told me she came across tickets and asked me to go, I think that all brain functioning stopped. I suddenly yelled out a, “SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!” in response to the amazing news. After Lola stopped laughing at my hokey outburst, we decided on our plans: I would meet @tby789 at the airport then go and pick up Lola and @wearingwords on our way to LA.

The Last Minute Twitter Fashion Show where I still hide my face

I stressed over what to wear to LA and gave my twitter following a mini fashion show to help me pick an outfit out. I mean really… what does one wear?

Sweet and innocent: Red Top and Polka dot skirt

All dressed up with somewhere to go! H&M party dress

Simple and breezy: The Loft silver/gray dress for elegance

Party Animal!: NY&CO Animal print

I’m not a lucky biatch like Moon is who has a different premiere to attend every month. These decisions were hard! I mean, what if I did run into Rob in the rest room… I mean lobby of the theatre? MUST look my best!

California Girls!

Fast forward to LA. We quickly (and by quickly, I mean that I changed my outfit 4 times) got ready at a nearby hotel, and we strutted our stuff over to LA Live. While the other ladies went to wait in the will call line, I called over to Moon to find out where she was hiding…

Can you spot Moon? Hint: She’s wearing pink

There was no way I could get to Moon in the stands, so I found my other #leghitch2010 ladies chilling at the ESPN zone where they had a clutch spot to see all the action.

Let me just tell you that I had no idea what to expect and there was no way I could have even imagined the insanity. Fans screaming, offering their first born, yelling for the stars’ attention while the MC of the event spoke like he just rolled in from East Compton. It was around the time that Tia and Tamara Mowry (Yeah, I watched Sister Sister, too!) rolled up when I got the call from Lola to haul ass over to will call because they were being ushered in.

Read the rest after the jump!

F*cking Amazing Luck for Lola and Me

I finally find Lola after power walking around the Nokia Theatre in 4.5 inch heels, where she’s waiting for me and a friend of a friend (let’s call him Bill) who’s coming by to make sure everything was okay with our tickets. Apparently while I was off with my LTT girls, there were issues finding the tickets. Bill finds Lola and me and offers to take us out to the red carpet. I’m sweaty, my hair is frizzing and starting to recurl, but THIS East Coaster was NOT going to miss out on this opportunity. Lola and I look at each other with wide eyes and give a resounding YES! Sadly for our friends, they had already gone in the theatre so we did what any modern ladies do: text them what’s happening and say we wished they were here too! We really did miss you @tby789 and @wearingwords!

Drunk on the Red Carpet

There we are, on the Red Capet – well the area next to the red carpet – and we’re drunk. There were a few drinks to be had while getting ready for the event and maybe a chocolate cake shot with @obird to celebrate #leghitch2010. So imagine how surreal being on a red carpet can feel… now imagine that a bit tipsy. YEAH!

There was no way I was letting this opportunity pass us by… I went into full East Coast mode: AGGRESSIVE. I politely loudly called over several stars, spoke to some and got photos with others… Just one little problem.. my cell and camera were about to die. Please, do not let this EVER happen to you because my cell and camera did eventually conk out, right around the time Kristen hit the red carpet. Sigh.

No fan girling here…

The first celeb that I inner fangirled over was Daniel Cudmore. My exact words to Lola were, “I think that I just want to rub my body against him” He is QUITE hot and manly in person. I was in LUST.

The celebrities flowed; I spoke to Anna and drunkenly told her she owns every scene she’s in. Really meant to say she steals every scene she’s in, but hey… close enough.

Got pictures with Peter (o hai Dr. Cullen), who was basically being groped by his wife as he walked around the red carpet (Jennie looked really pretty though).

Made eye contact with Mr. Copstache himself who sadly was sans stache. No matter, he was still looking fine and we got a fantastic photo with him.

And then I spotted Stephenie. I made it my mission to get her to come over and take a picture. I called her name a gazillion times and then called her assistant’s name, hoping that it was her assistant. After making a fool of myself for a good 10 minutes, Stephenie came over and took a picture with Lola and me (yes, the picture is full of irony)… I turned thanked her and then did what anyone does… I name dropped! Told her I was good friends with UC and we chatted about LTT. Stephenie gave me the tidbit about the Jorts making it into the commentary and babbled on…wondered if she knew I was the one that wrote the letter about Bree and asked her if she wouldn’t mind taking another picture with just me. FYI – I rule at the self-portrait.

(See Stephenie, LTT gives me laugh lines too)

Stephenie started talking to some other fans nearby and someone asked where she got her necklace. When she responded Anthropologie, my drunk ass decided to interject, “You know, Anthro’s headquarters are in Philly… you should come visit me and UC!” GAH, OMG, so embarrassing. Yes, I invited the queen of Twi universe to come chill with UC and me. *facepalm* At that point I just had to let her walk away. You are all welcome to be second-hand embarrassed for me because I’m certainly embarrassed for myself. (BTW Steph, that invite is still open)

We saw more celebs and Olympians. I loudly called them over and got some great pics. I saw Rob and Kristen fly by with their entourages. I loudly called them over too, but I was drowned out from the apparently team Jacob crowd fangirling so loudly that I couldn’t hear myself think. I never realized how many 15 year old girls somehow get onto the red carpet.

I get really really sappy

It was the experience of a lifetime! There are so many little funny stories that happened on the red carpet or in the theatre, but apparently I cannot tell this as a short story (sorry for the long read). Yes, I got to see Rob and Kristen, got pictures with Kellan, Peter and Billy, fell in lust with Daniel Cudmore, but it truly meant the most to me to meet Stephenie. Without her, there’d be no #leghitch2010, no friendship with Lola and no LTT girls. It’s been a rough couple years and that week in LA with my LTT besties was EXACTLY what I needed.

Anytime I hear Lady Gaga’s song “Pokerface” I inevitably think of AmanDUH and I get sad. She was a legend in her own time and then deleted her YouTube account before we barely knew her. Well we KNEW her kitchen and her hallway with the bed sheet strung up and we DEFINITELY knew her “special” husband she made dress us as Edward in their backyard but we didn’t get to see her mature into her artistry. And that got me thinking about all our other old Twilight favorites that we loved and talked about so much… what are they doing now? Are they happy? Do they think back on us and Twilight with fond memories?

So I decided to do a little research and see what our old pals are up to.

How I’ll always think of Michael

Oregano – Michael Angarano will ALWAYS be the Young William in Almost Famous and for that I will always love him and I truly have high hopes that he will or maybe has escaped the Kristen/Robsten nonsense he was aparty too. I heard some rumors of him and Emma Roberts being an item and that would account for the frosty exchange between Rob and Emma on Leno but I don’t care enough to research this. So I’ll take the easy route… from the looks of IMDB he is busy like a bee, but not too much to pace in front of my favorite coffee shop a few weeks ago. My friends had to restrain me from asking what REALLY happened and what Cathi is REALLY like and if Nikki was REALLY involved in the whole final breakdown and if he can get me Patrick Fugit, Zooey Deschanel and Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s numbers.

Catherine Hardwicke – Besides being asked to make appearances at all TGIFriday’s grand openings in the continental US because she’s such a huge supporter of the chain restaurant our dear Jamaican vacation loving cougar is directing movies again! With Billy Burke as a character in her new period piece movie, Red Ridinghood, I wonder if she’ll make him grow a killer pornstache or walk around with a sword in one hand and a can of Vitamin R in the other. Whatever it is we know she’s already got the Lukas Haas/Amanda Seyfried audition tape from her groovy bedroom in Venice Beach on LOCKDOWN.

Sage – Formerly of super group Sage and the Dills. Ok, maybe not super group. But according to Nikki Reed herself she directed Sage’s video for a song which I’m sure I don’t care about but features Nikki’s “friend” Johnny Flynn. Why, Johnny WHY?!

AmanDUH – Oh Amanduh… where for art thou AmandUH?! You made us love you with your renditions of songs from the Twilight soundtrack, your dramatic reading of chapters from Twilight and who can forget the music video you did with your special Husband? We miss you! Where did you go? I did some light googling and found our girl is STILL at it only she runs her own fansite… HER own fansite the Amadah fansite and has like 5 youtube accounts. And I’m sad to report I think she may have left “Special Edward” and the kids in that apartment, changed her name and is now a porn star with a guido looking boyfriend. Maybe. These are my conclusions after my google research.

(if someone can figure out wtf that black line over her lip is, I’ll give you an award)
She’s also decided to honor The Runaways and obviously Kristen’s portrayal of Joan Jett with this stunning hair and makeup job. Though NOT a mullet (amateur!) she does have the pleather painted on! ALL HAIL AMANDUH! She’s back… or at least until she finds out I embedded her video here.

All my fave DILF moments, minus the orange pants

Chris Weitz – The man, the DILF, the legend. He made it alright for us to hope for something better than the Twilight movie. Under his careful guidance and sexy scarves we dared to hope for better FX, better wigs and NO spider monkeys. We got 2 of the 3. And we’re forever grateful. Chris paved the way for David Slade to take the reins and OWN Eclipse HARD. We can now only cross our fingers for Bill Condon’s vision for Breaking Dawn and thank Chris Weitz for paving the way. But what is our ol lover up to these days? He famously said he was going to retire after he finished “The Gardener” but by the looks of his IMDB he’s looking sexy as hale AND he’s linked to FOUR new projects that are “in development.” One of these is officially the best movie ever based on it’s title: “Another Bullshit Night in Suck City.” Whatever Chris Weitz ends up doing I’ll always want to give him a hug for making New Moon.

Where will the Bananager and David Slade and Xaiver Samuel end up and all our other latest favorites? Do we think anyone will end up on a future season of Celebrity Rehab? Here’s hoping not unless they have Rehab for an addiction to chain restaurant Italian food. Ahem.

Off to watch a billion AmanDUH videos!
Themoonisdown

Who do you miss or wonder what ever happen to them? What happened to Buttcrack Santa? Has anyone ever actually been to Sage show?

I just happened to be reading a little something in your magazine In Style about the Twilight cast and if you had to chance to gank something from the set what would it be…

Robert Pattinson – “I keep everything from the set. I’ve stolen all of Edward’s clothes.”

Elizabeth Reaser – “My original Esme bracelet. I’ve seen reproductions of it in stores, but I want to keep the one that I wear once we finish [filming]. It’s mine!”

Taylor Lautner – “All my character wears is jean shorts, so I’ll have to go with those. That’s my only option!”

Julia Jones – “Leah’s cut-offs!”

Kellan Lutz – “Emmett’s Jeep! I’ve wanted it since we shot the first movie. I keep saying that, but nothing’s happened. I’m still waiting!”

By our powers combined he is Captain Compassion!

Peter Facinelli – “Carlisle’s ring! It has the Cullen crest, the symbol of the whole family, on it. I’d like to take it home and keep it in a drawer somewhere. Once, I couldn’t get it off my finger, so it did go home with me.”

Tinsel Korey – “My relationship with everybody from set. We get along like a real family. Our relationship is special.”

Xavier Samuel – “Vampires dress really well, so it would have to be Riley’s jacket. When you run it’s a bit flamboyant, but it looks good. I recommend running in those jackets.”

Alex Meraz – “The shorts are all I’ve got! We keep using the same shorts but I keep getting bigger for each film, so the shorts keep getting tighter. By the end of the series, they’re going to be torn. Hey, sex sells and I’m glad to sell it!”

Sure, the main cast is important, we all know Rob is clepto or just super cheap and hates shopping, and of course the wolves want their jorts, who doesn’t? And someone had to give the cheesy answer about friends (Tinsel!) but what about the real people in these movies! What about the people that REALLY matter in the Twilight world, what would THEY keep from the set?

Dean – One of Jacob or Bella’s wigs. It’d be much easier to hide Rob in some of those shiteous wigs then a baseball cap and dirty clothes. Everyone’s looking for a dude in a hat and dirty clothes. No one’s looking for a dude with My Little Pony on his head.

Big Daddy – that greasy bag of leftover Harry Clearwater Fish Fry from Twilight. I don’t even care if it’s a little moldy. That stuff looked good, it’s the whole reason I made Taylor bulk up and do the 2nd movie so I could have a chance at that famous fish fry.

David Slade – “The step ladder from props”

Solomon Trimble – “The name of that gaffer he met on set who worked part time at Subway. Solomon Trimble, Sandwich Artist. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

Billy Burke – “Charlie handcuffs. Heh… heh… you know why.”

Cathi Hardi – (said in the most creepy Cathi voice you can imagine) “That audition tape of Rob and Kristen from my bedroom where they kiss and we really see their hot, hot chemistry… OH WAIT I already have that! HA! Just thought I’d say it again in a national publication, it’s been at least a week since I last talked about it.”

I’ll trade you, Esme’s bracelet for 5 lbs

Mike Welch – “I’m actually trying to lose something I gained from the set. Those 5 extra pounds around my face. Maybe I can give them to Christian Serratos, she needs some meat on her chicken bones.”

So as much as we love the main characters, can we not forget about the little people? The actors and people who REALLY made Twilight what it is today? Do we have to continue to blog for year about the genius of Eric Yorkie till someone like your magazine will know what we care what they’d steal from a set? Who cares from Rob or Taylor have to say about the inner works of their characters or who Kristen draws inspiration from. Give us crap answers from the folks that really matter.

Stealing the keys to Rob’s trailer,
Themoonisdown

What would you take from the set if you could? What would Buttcrack Santa take? Any other minor characters we need to know about?