Professor Kane: As somebody who just finished spending the majority of his life in prison, what happened with Legos? They used to be simple. Oh come on, I know you know what I’m talking about. Legos were simple. Something happened out here while I was inside. Harry Potter Legos, Star Wars Legos. Complicated kits, tiny little blocks. I mean I’m not saying it’s bad, just wanna know what happened.

Pierce: You’re also quite frankly a very weird looking man. I don’t know you, but I just don’t trust and I don’t think I could grow to like you. The point of what I’m trying to tell you Todd is that I don’t want to be your lab partner. No offense.Todd: None taken, I understand. You want to be with your friends.Pierce: Don’t tell me what I’m feeling or thinking, it’s petty. Goodbye, Todd.

Sgt. Nunez: You wanna detect something, do it on your own time.Chang: Maybe I will.Change VO: Maybe I will. My own words rang inside my head like a bell inside a head. Maybe I was crazy. Or maybe, just maybe, I was a detective.

Chang VO: She was all dame, legs that went all the way to the bottom of her torso. That kind of arms that had elbows.Girl: Um, did you just call me in here to stare at me?
*girl walks away*
Chang VO: The way she left I could tell that somebody, or something had really put the scare on her. But what? Why? Stapler. Was I crazy? Or were they somehow connected?

Jeff: What? I lost three followers? Man. People just handle the truth about Ben Sherman’s winter collection.

Troy/Abed: We spend too much time together.

Britta: Do you know sugar is like baby meth? That’s what my homeopath says.Shirley: Well maybe your gay friend should mind his own business!

Chang VO: “Arizona Matchbook Company.” Arizona. Arizona backwards is still Arizona. It’s a palomino! Maybe I was crazy, or maybe I was finally sane.Chang VO *looking at reflection*: Why does this guy keep staring at me?

Pierce: It’s not fair, that I should be the only one here saddled with a total waste-of-space loser. No offense, Todd.Todd: None taken.

Chang VO: My mind reeled with thoughts, voices, stand-up premises. Why don’t they just make tires out of pavement so you can drive on anything? What’s up with buttons? What would happen if Nicholson was a gynecologist?

Shirley: I can’t believe you guys hate me more than Pierce! Or anything more than Pierce!

Jeff [to Annie]: You’re just a good grade in a tight sweater.Annie [to Jeff]: You’re just bad grade in a tight sweater! And who the hell are you always texting? Everyone you know is here!

Britta: If loving worms is stupid, I don’t wanna be smart!
Annie: It is! And you can’t be.

Jeff: We have been looking at this totally wrong. There’s no way I’m unpopular, one of you monsters just put me last in a petty attempt to humble me.Pierce: Oh! I just had a terrible nightmare that Jeff was a pompous ass. Also Todd was there! Uh, no offense, Todd.

Shirley: Oh no! She’s got her marijuana lighter!

Todd: What is WRONG with you people!? Huh!? I thought you were supposed to be friends! I thought you were supposed to love each other. Your love is weird, and toxic. And it destroys everything it touches. I no longer care about grades, or biology. Or finally graduating from college like I promised my dying father. I’m going home, I’m gonna hold my wife and my child close. And I am gonna finally take my Insulin shot! Offense taken! Offense taken.

Jeff: You’re pathological.Annie: It’s too late for flattery

Sgt. Nunez: I think we’re gonna have to get the police involved.Dean Pelton VO: And that’s when it hit me, I was in really big trouble.

Dean Pelton VO: I needed to know more about those firemen, were they ethically diverse? Did they bring a dalmatian? Could I buy a calendar?Chang VO *at the same time*: Arizona, was it a very high mesa? or was it a state of mind? Either way, I was going to climb it.

Britta: Ha ha, Gotcha. This was also a test, and you all penised! Passed…Maybe I need to take one. A test, not a penis.