Thursday, March 26, 2009

That has been my motto today. I guess this whole week. It's been hectic and crazy and I have wanted to scream and yet I hear this small voice saying "Just Breathe, I will get you through this, just breathe."I feel God is trying to teach me patience, because I have none.

Especially today, there have been so many opportunities to respond differently and yet I still keep reacting the same. But God is good and I know He will continue to be patient with me and He will continue to put me in situations until I finally get it.

I'm getting close, maybe just maybe I can finally pass this test tomorrow.

(I apologize to those of you who have sent emails or left comments, I promise I will carve out some time to sit down and respond. I appreciate all of you coming here and leaving your comments and sending encouraging emails. I will also write more about all the things that happened today, I probably have at leaset 5 posts just from today alone that I could write about. Right now, I have to carve out some time to be with my husband and Gary Thomas)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

We attended my friend's daughter's Sweet Sixteen black and white dance tonight. Late yesterday I was informed by my friend below, that her daughter would not be letting me and hubby through the door unless we brought the kids.

Now wait....what 16 yr old would want a 2 and 4 yr old at her Sweet 16 Black and While Ball? Apparently, this awesome girl below whom I have had the pleasure of watching grow up since she was 4 years old. So after I begged and pleaded with her to change her mind, I gave in. And her and Roo danced the night away.

Even two hours later when I put on his PJs and tried to get him to go to the car, they were still dancing.

This is her mother, S, and I, who agreed with her husband that she did indeeed look like a real live Bratz doll. lol I love that woman, she has brightened up my life in so many ways over the last 12 yrs.

My very own John Travolta.

They had a father/daughter dance. Birthday girl is in the middle with her dad.

My hubby danced with our daughter and then at the end is S, the birthday girls mom, and her dad.

Just seeing those three stages, a toddler dancing with her daddy, a young lady dancing with her dad, and then a grown woman with hers was so touching.

With the song playing in the background, we all were crying, even the teenagers. It is a moment I will remember forever.

It reminded me that it won't be like this for long, soon our little one with be like the birthday girl tonight and then she will be all grown up and dancing with my hubby at her daughters sweet sixteen party.

Lord, help me to remember that it won't be like this for long so that I will continue to treasure every moment, and not take a second of the time I have been given with my children, friends and family for granted.

Friday, March 20, 2009

While I'm not new a blogging, I am new to the blogging community and have never really participated in blog carnivals or tags, I'm not even sure of the the proper blog lingo for it all.

I was tagged by Carrie over at Martin Manor Happenings. I have recently met her in the blog world, she has encouraged me to continue my new blog and brings a smile to my face daily with a comment she leaves or a visit to her blog.

There are some rules with this tag:

I need to link to the person that tagged me.I need to share 7 things people may not know about me.I need to tag 7 people to share 7 things and link to them.I need to let them know they've been tagged.

Seven Things you may not know about me...

So let's get on with it....

1. I don't like coffee, the smell irritates me and I'm not sure why. Hubby is a lover of all things related to coffee, maybe there's a connection there, I won't analyze that one too much. :)

2. I didn't graduate high school because I was in a car accident at 16 and it was just easier to get my GED and then go on to college.

3. I lived in Los Angeles for two years with hubby, before he was my hubby, and it was a different world out there.

4. I hate shoes, I hate wearing them, I hate to shop for them, I just have no love for shoes (quite now, I can hear your gasps all the way over here).

5. I do however have a love for handbags, but won't let myself indulge in this obsession because I'm afraid once I get started I will never be able to stop.

6. I was a Big/Brother Big/Sister volunteer at the age of 18 and my lil sis was 8 at the time, she has remained a huge part of my life and her family has become my family. She's now 22 and has given me two beautiful nieces, but she is in need of prayer, not living a good life right now.

7. I do not like to watch a movie twice, just never seen the point in it.

So now I have to tag 7 people.

1. Jennifer at Diapers & Dishes. I met her about 4 and a half years ago on an online mom's forum. We live about 5 hours away and met for the first time about two years ago and just yesterday I got to see her again and meet her new baby for the first time. She's an awesome mother and friend She's also written a great book on breastfeeding, I encouage you to check it out.

2. Marla at The Many Adventures of Josh and Jake. She has twin boys that are almost the exact same age as Roo and we met in a mall when the boys were about a year old.She has been a lifesaver on days I thought I would pull my hair out and there is a comfort in just knowing I can be myself around her.

3. Sheryl at The Perch, she is responsible for me coming out into the blog world and actually leaving comments on other peoples blogs. She was the first person ever to leave a comment on my blog that I didn't know and has given me the courage and inspiration to reach out to others and to start being more honest with myself in my life and on this blog.

4. Tanya at Maya and Odessa, she's just awesome. She has two beautiful little girls and takes amazing pictures of them. She is so very talented, I'm hoping some of that talent will rub off on me the more I get to know her.

5. Pam at Your Gonna Miss This, she is a single mother of six and her blog is awesome. When I think I have a rough time raising two with a husband, I click over and see what an amazing job she is doing with the circumstances she has been dealt and I'm inspired. She's also very honest and I love that.

6. Nancy at Two Wonderful For Me, I am in the processes of getting to know her. She's a grandmother of three and lives in Fl. in a town that I spent many summers visiting growing up, such a small world. I can already see that I'm going to learn so much from her.

7. The last one I will tag is the creator of Knotty Moose Designs if for no other reasons than to let all of you know about her awesome layouts and they are free. She's so talented and adds a header with each one so that you can save it and create a matching header to go with your layouts. AWESOME.

You should definitely check out these blogs if you haven't already, I can guarantee you will get something out of all of them.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The night I have been dreading since the last appointment was canceled one week ago today. If you don't know what I'm referring to you can catch up a little here.

We went to see our pastor, specifically our priest, well really Jose's priest. I'm a member of the church and have been for 3 years but I'm not Catholic. But that is a very complicated story for another day.

I like our Pastor, he's awesome. If it wasn't for him I probably never would have stepped foot into a Catholic church.

I was sweating and almost shaking by the time we got there. And I opened up with "I don't want to be here and I'm a little angry we even have to be here."

Father T got it. We told him what the problem was that got us there and ended up laughing and talking about why I'm not Catholic. Father T said it was the most fun he had had in a marriage counseling session ever. And he told us that we would be OK, because 1st, we are honest with each other 2nd, we can laugh in the midst of our fighting, which he observed in his office.

He's right, we will be OK. We've been super stressed with moving mom and my aunt in and hubby has had so much stress at work and when you are stressed you sometimes fall back into old bad habits.

You try to escape by doing things you shouldn't. And you stop communicating with each other and if left alone you're marriage can be damaged.

We caught it in time and have made a pact to work on the communication problem, start reading Sacred Marriage, and doing something we have never done together.

Pray.

I'm not sure why we haven't. I have always wanted to have a prayer life with my husband but just have never been sure how to do that and with us having been brought up in different faiths it was a little difficult to know where to start.

But I think it's essential to our marriage and our family._______________________________________________________________________________

On to other things, a friend of mine called tonight to tell me that her daughter is having her sweet 16 party on Sat. I have known this little one since she was 4 and I can't believe she will be 16, I want to stop it from happening but since I can't, I guess I gotta go.

She's having a black and white ball. And since I do not fit into any of my clothes I had to go out and buy a black and white dress, with hubby in toe. Only because he was with me when I got the call and we were leaving the counseling session. He was not happy until he got to go into the dressing room with me and zip me up. :) The dress is great, but not something I would have ever worn before this new me.

I have found a few old pictures to give you an idea of how I looked 30+ pounds ago and how I look now. But let me stress it's not really the pounds it's been a whole transformation for me. My attitude is different, and I changed the hair and I just feel more alive now. Not sure which came first the attitude or loosing the weight but I'm getting to a better place than I was a year ago and I thank God for that.

May 2008

Oct 2008

These pictures were taken today and the bottom picture is me trying my dress on when I got home to make sure I had not made a mistake and this is my horrible photography skills in my bathroom.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

OK, now I know all you single digit girls may be gasping but the double digit girls will totally understand and celebrate with me.

See, I've always been a heavy girl.

I think from the time I was like 6, I was in double digits.

OK, maybe that's a bit extreme but by 12 I was up there, and have never gotten under a size 18/20, and have at times worn clothes way over that size.

Now I'm a pretty tall gal at 5'10 and someone once told me I "carry my weight well" Still not sure what that means, if it was a compliment or an insult.

But I do know that I looked in the mirror yesterday and thought for maybe the first time in years "Wow, you look pretty good."

I was inspired by a childhood friend of mine who lost a lot of weight last year so in Oct. I decided to try to loose weight but I couldn't really stick to anything.

But since last Oct. I have lost about 30 pounds and I wasn't really sure why.

Jose and I were talking last night and I realized why I have been loosing weight. It's honestly because after I get everything done around here, house straightened, lunch and dinner fixed and everyone fed I am too tired to eat and just want to go soak in a hot tub.

There are days that I honestly forget to eat because I'm too busy. I know I know, not healthy. I will work on it.

So I went through my closet and got rid of my bigger clothes, except one pair of fat jeans, every girl needs at least one pair! I bought a few size 14 outfits to keep me motivated to keep the weight off.

I visited curves today but I think it would be best and more economical for our family to join the YMCA.

I prefer curves, no men, and no little bitty women in sexy workout clothes, nothing against you if you happen to be one but it's not good for my self esteem or motivation while I'm working out.

Back to the celebration of fitting in a size 14 for the first time in over 15 years. I just got up and did a little jig. Sorry no web cam.

Apparently I have had this weight off for a while but no one, not even I could tell because I have continued to wear my baggy clothes.

I will look for before and after pictures but I usually just do head shots and threaten those around me if they take anything above the neck.

Once I put on clothes that actually fit I was like WOW, I wasn't sure if that person in the mirror was really me because I did not recognize her. Especially now with the new cut and color.

I'm starting to see glimpses of the girl who existed before the husband and kids.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

*I am the red head with glasses that got picked on throughout my entire school life.

*I'm the little girl who used to dig for Worms in our backyard.

*I'm the little girl who cried and prayed every night for God to just let me go to sleep and not wake up because of the abuse in our family.

*I'm the one whose big sister was her whole world for 16 years, always protecting, always making me feel as if I belonged.

* I'm the girl who has written songs and poetry since she learned how to write, but has never showed a single soul.

*I'm the 16 yr old whose world was shattered when a car accident took her sister and two very important people in her life.

*I'm the 18 yr old who was determined to go to college despite her disabilities because I heard my sister's voice in my head saying "you will go to college even if I have to drag you."

*I'm the 23 yr old who celebrated her birthday by getting her first and only tattoo with her best friend in memory of her father.

*I'm the 25 yr old who moved to Los Angeles after a meeting a guy online. (He's now my husband)

*I'm the 27 yr old who got married in Vegas.

*I'm the crazy lady who traveled on a plane with a husband, a 7 month old and two screaming cats in cat carriers in the plane with us when we moved from CA to KY. (sorry if any of you happened to be on that flight in 2004, I'm sure you still remember if you were.)

*I'm the 30 yr old who was totally put sleep with her second baby and had a baby and gallbladder taken out at the same time.

*I'm the 32 yr old raising two small children who moved my disabled mother and aunt in, who is coming up on 6 years of marriage and taking it one day at a time.

I invite you to tell me who you are either on your blog or on here. If you do it on your blog just let me know in the comments section. I'm not doing the Mr. linky thing right now, that may change but for now it's not about getting a bunch of people to follow my blog, it's about getting to know a few.

Friday, March 13, 2009

We have had a blog since my son was born in 2004. We were moving from CA to KY to be close to my family and we wanted a way that our friends and family could keep up with us and watch Ruben grow.

In 2008, I started following other blogs and went on journeys with women who lost their babies, faced divorce, dealt with serious illnesses, and even the death of their spouse. I was touched by the way they shared their pain so openly and honestly and I saw that it was a part of their healing process and helped others to heal also.

I wish that I had would have had a blog when I had to face certain challenges and tragedies in my own life. There is nothing worse than facing a tragedy head on feeling completely alone. Even if you know Jesus as you Lord and Savior, it's still hard.

I admire so many blogger chics out there, some I have been in touch with and some I haven't, being able to just be themselves on their blogs and I don't feel like I can be transparent on our family blog because it's more about my life as a mother and wife. And that is a big part of my life and while I love being a mother and wife and couldn't imagine not having my kids and my husband, there is so much more to me. So much I have experienced, so much I have seen and more importantly so much more to learn about myself, my God, and all those who choose to follow me on this journey.

It may be only one or two who choose to follow and that is ok because the truth is this blog is more for me than anyone else. I have things that I've never gotten out and I'm not sure I have ever learned to be a truly authentic person and at 32 it's about time I learn to be honest with myself about who I really am. So it starts on this blog and hopefully will translate into every part of my life.

So the journey begins.

I thought I would start or end some posts with a confession.
So here it goes:Confession #1
I consider myself to be a Christian but know that I don't always conduct myself accordingly.
I don't regularly go to church, at times my prayer life only consists of meal time prayers and a very short prayer before bed. And honestly I can't remember the last time I opened my bible.

I do love God, I want to have a closer relationship with Him. Maybe His prompting me to create this blog will do just that.
I wasn't sure what in the world I would write on here but I started writing in a notebook and wrote 3 posts already. So I guess this is what I was supposed to do.

About Me

I'm a complicated girl trying to navigate my way through this crazy, beautiful, chaotic world. I'm blessed to have my best friend beside me, two crazy amazing kids who light up my world.
I've known tragedy and have faced some dark days. I depend on God daily to get me through this life. I've been away from blog land for a while but decided it is time to return.This blog will be about our family, our foster care journey and about me finding my way through it all.