Mormonism teaches that Father Elohim was once a mortal man having a body of flesh and blood. Therefore, he had to have an anus to relieve waste. But consider his glorified and perfected resurrected body -- we are left to wonder if the anus (hole) still exists or has it been sewn shut?

QUESTION: Does Heavenly Father have an anus today?

[ ] Yes[ ] No

Either answer can generate interesting observations that can be raised about Elohim's buttocks and physical characteristics. This is something Mormons should consider assuming they want to be like their Heavenly Father. Regardless, every Mormon should think outside the box and ask themselves if they intend to keep their anus in the resurrection.

I would say yes and it must be a perfectly formed anus in every respect, an eternal round anus. His heavenly harem are pleased, to be sure, at how it functions. It's never improper, and always moving at the right moment.

_________________"Religion is about providing human community in the guise of solving problems that don’t exist or failing to solve problems that do and seeking to reconcile these contradictions and conceal the failures in bogus explanations otherwise known as theology." - Kishkumen

Heavenly Father has an anus, but it is non-functional and only for show. If it were functioning he would have to eat, but glorified beings don't need to eat. If glorified beings tried to eat food they would experience diarrhea because they lack intestinal bacteria to help with digestion. Bacteria cannot be resurrected or glorified. Therefore, Heavenly Father's anus is only for show, a glorious reminder that He was once a living, breathing, farting, homo sapiens just like us.

_________________"And yet another little spot is smoothed out of the echo chamber wall..." Bond

Heavenly Father has an anus, but it is non-functional and only for show. If it were functioning he would have to eat, but glorified beings don't need to eat. If glorified beings tried to eat food they would experience diarrhea because they lack intestinal bacteria to help with digestion. Bacteria cannot be resurrected or glorified. Therefore, Heavenly Father's anus is only for show, a glorious reminder that He was once a living, breathing, farting, homo sapiens just like us.

Well, I can appreciate your sentiments and medical perspective in this matter. Having a non-functioning anus for show only is ornamental and provides little benefit other than to those whom get the glorious opportunity to view the eternal anal round.

You'll recall that resurrected Jesus came down and ate some fish and honeycomb with his disciples. The food was consumed and fell down his throat into his stomach for processing. Where the extra energy went I cannot say. Energy cannot be destroyed but simply changes state. Where did the fish and honeycomb go? What became of it?

Also, who can say that Jesus and his Father are incapable of farting? There is nothing in scripture or the teaching of the church that says that God cannot fart. LDS doctrine doesn't assign farting as a mortal only function any more than breathing air through the nose.

But Heavenly Father lives in celestial glory where there is no death. Does bacteria die in heaven? Isn't a bacterium a living creature? If a host of bacteria were to reside in Heavenly Father's gut then it could consume the food but it would have to expel its own waste and gas. In such a case the anus would be the obvious means to accomplish a divine fart.

Normally I wouldn't ask this kind of question, but you broached the subject first.

Are you pondering the possible joys of having a Celestial anus or pondering the joys of having your way with one? Then again, I realize it may be a little of column A and a little of column B. Then again I could be totally mistaken. Whichever way, I find myself rather curious as to the inspiration behind the op

_________________As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you. - O'Sensei

_________________aka Pokatatorjoined Oct 26, 2006 and permanently banned from MAD Nov 6, 2006"Stop being such a damned coward and use your real name to own your position.""That's what he gets for posting in his own name."2 different threads same day 2 hours apart Yohoo Bat 12/1/2015

Mormonism teaches that Father Elohim was once a mortal man having a body of flesh and blood. Therefore, he had to have an anus to relieve waste. But consider his glorified and perfected resurrected body -- we are left to wonder if the anus (hole) still exists or has it been sewn shut?

QUESTION: Does Heavenly Father have an anus today?

[ ] Yes[ ] No

Either answer can generate interesting observations that can be raised about Elohim's buttocks and physical characteristics. This is something Mormons should consider assuming they want to be like their Heavenly Father. Regardless, every Mormon should think outside the box and ask themselves if they intend to keep their anus in the resurrection.

Joseph Smith would say no since he taught God the Father was a personage of spirit without a body of tabernacle

Lectures on Faith

Lecture Five 2. There are two personages who constitute the great, matchless, governing, and supreme power over all things, by whom all things were created and made…. They are the Father and the Son: the Father being a personage of spirit, glory, and power, possessing all perfection and fulness. The Son, who was in the bosom of the Father, is a personage of tabernacle, made or fashioned like unto man, being in the form and likeness of man, or rather man was formed after his likeness and in his image.

If glorified beings tried to eat food they would experience diarrhea because they lack intestinal bacteria to help with digestion. Bacteria cannot be resurrected or glorified.

Ha! The celestialized digestive system would have the requisite means to fully absorb all nutrients then teleport any waste matter back to earth to become part of the organic pool from which non-adamite life would evolve. The anus would be purely decorative.

Normally I wouldn't ask this kind of question, but you broached the subject first.

Are you pondering the possible joys of having a Celestial anus or pondering the joys of having your way with one? Then again, I realize it may be a little of column A and a little of column B. Then again I could be totally mistaken. Whichever way, I find myself rather curious as to the inspiration behind the op

No, I'm not pondering the joys of having a celestial anus. Nor do I believe in the fantasy of resurrection. Further, I do not believe the biblical accounts and testimonies of Jesus's resurrection. The whole account is a fabrication and a lie.

There is a certain inspiration to the op which will get to the bottom of the matter (no pun intended). Perhaps you can assist. You know well the biblical account of Jesus being resurrected. Jesus, appearing to Thomas said, "Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing". Well, who is to say he couldn't have disrobed to have his way with Thomas, whereby commanding him to reach hither his finger, and behold his anus, and reach hither his hand, and thrust it in?

What do you have to say about that, Kittens_and_Jesus? Would Thomas have found a cavity in Jesus's buttocks? Could he penetrate the Lord's resurrected body with his finger?

Behold our hands and our feet. We are Men and yet we are God. We have bodies of flesh and bone. You are made in our image. Behold my Son is resurrected having been glorified and perfected in mine own image. Behold we have eyes that see. We have ears that hear. We have mouths that speak. We have legs that walk. We have anuses that perform their natural function and if you prove worthy and faithful you too may have a glorified and perfected anus.

No, I'm not pondering the joys of having a celestial anus. Nor do I believe in the fantasy of resurrection. Further, I do not believe the biblical accounts and testimonies of Jesus's resurrection. The whole account is a fabrication and a lie.

There is a certain inspiration to the opening post which will get to the bottom of the matter (no pun intended). Perhaps you can assist. You know well the biblical account of Jesus being resurrected. Jesus, appearing to Thomas said, "Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing". Well, who is to say he couldn't have disrobed to have his way with Thomas, whereby commanding him to reach hither his finger, and behold his anus, and reach hither his hand, and thrust it in?

What do you have to say about that, Kittens_and_Jesus? Would Thomas have found a cavity in Jesus's buttocks? Could he penetrate the Lord's resurrected body with his finger?

[ ] Yes[ ] No

Matthew 5:37

My answer is that they're all fictional characters. A finger up the anus certainly would of added something to the story though.

_________________As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you. - O'Sensei

_________________Israeli Archaeologist Israel Finkelstein: "For if there were no patriarchs no Exodus, no conquest of Canaan--and no prosperous united monarchy under David & Solomon--can we say that early biblical Israel as described in the Five Books of Moses and the books of Joshua Judges and Samuel ever existed at all?" The Bible Unearthed, p. 124.

My answer is that they're all fictional characters. A finger up the anus certainly would of added something to the story though.

We are in complete agreement. Mythical Mormon Man-God is nothing but a puff of smoke in front of an imaginary mirror. Mormons need their pretend Dolly-God to make them feel warm and safe like a child in a blanket. Their fantasy God is nothing more than a wet thumb. Mormons need to grow up. They are stunted in their ways and beliefs.