Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Silence at our Dinner table was broken a few days back. It was my Dad.
He said, "Your Mother and I just found out that you were Blogging. And I sure don't know what that is. Nor does she. But whatever it is, it has to stop!"

It took me some time to realize what had happened. Only two people in my family knew I blogged. My Brother and My Dog.

On my left was Tyson, my 11 month Labrador. He was licking his food bowl. It sure wasn't him. He never communicated well with my Dad.

On my right, was my Brother. His face said it all.
OK. It was him!
Hey this Blog is better than the Geeky "Electrical Stuff" he writes on his Blog.

It took me a lot of time to convince them that nothing was wrong with Blogging.
I turned to my brother - "Hey you write a blog. Why don't you tell Mom and Dad something about it!"

I left the Dining table with satisfaction!
HA! I did win the battle of "Who says they write a Blog..."
Now he had some explaining to do!

Friday, December 25, 2009

With water splashing on my face, I felt as if I was suffocating. Then the Soap on my face gets into my eyes...
Aaaaaaaa!

It was a Saturday night. We had watched the movie, "The Ring" at my house. It was scary but I managed to laugh all the way in front of my friends. Well, even teasing the girl who comes out of the well.

There was nobody at home that day. My parents had stayed back at my Grandmother's house and my brother had been to a friend's house. He was supposed to come home by 10 PM.

We watched the whole movie. It was already 9 and they said they wanted to go home...

Oh no! What will I do alone???
Anyway, I couldn't tell them to stay back as that would only mean I was scared... (Big Mistake!)
I sat in front of my TV with all the lights switched "On" in every room.

She was staring at me. Yes, the girl from the Movie. Of course, from the Disc. So I hid it between two pillows next to me. And then it happened. I had to attend to Nature's Call!
The entire movie, made me so scared that I had to piss now. And the bathroom was a few yards away. Oh no, What do I do?

Finally, I somehow got to my bathroom. After attending to Nature, I washed my face. And then the lights went out!
Panic and some more Panic. I couldn't feel my legs in fear. I could see visuals from the movie in front of me even though I had closed my eyes so that the lather wouldn't get in.

I had overheard the Plumber talking to my mother the previous day. One of the taps had a valve loose and he said us not to touch it until he had fixed it.

While I was searching for the water tap, I opened the broken one. "Niagara Falls" broke out towards the sky! The water was blasting at my face and then pain...
Soap got into my eyes...
Aaaaaaaa!

Somehow, I managed to wash my face and then Finally got out of the "Panic Bathroom". I made my way to the Living room and then Outside the house...
Well, let's end the story there. After this was some laughter and humiliation from my brother on listening to what happened.

Two lessons for you - "Don't watch Ring in the night" and "Listen to your Plumber carefully"

Monday, December 21, 2009

Going to a Mall is great. But when you are there with a person such as my Cousin, it can be dangerous.

As they say, its wise to keep your mouth shut in all situations. I realized it the hard way a couple of years back. I had been to a Mall with my Cousin. I will not name him. Because in case he reads this post, I will be in trouble again.

Just to describe him, in two simple words - He is "Fat and Stupid" -- And that is a bad combination. So after roaming around for some time, we decided to leave. And then he noticed a weighing machine to the corner.

The next moment we were staring at each other. He wanted a coin from me to check on it.

I am a nice person, so I warned him, "Dude, don't do it. It will make you all sweaty."

But he wanted to look at his weight real bad. So we were finally at the machine.

He put in the coin and then waited. Finally came out a small piece of paper. The look on his face said it all. I couldn't stand it any longer.... I started laughing.

He was still standing there blank. Now was the time for me to back out. But I didn't!

The words blurted out.... "I am glad the machine didn't break. I wouldn't have had enough money to pay for it"

**POW**

The next moment I was on ground with my eyes swollen. Though, he was kind enough to take me to the nearby clinic.

So what did I learn from this incident - "Keep your mouth shut in all circumstances!"

Sunday, December 20, 2009

I put in the coin and waited. Waited some more. It had to come out of the chute. But something was wrong...

My Mom was shopping at a jewelery store. I couldn't stand the, "OK, what else have you got?" So I told her that I would take a small walk around the mall.

As I was looking around, I found a Vending machine with this huge "Mars" logo. I just loved this chocolate so much that I had once traded my Toy truck in exchange of it. As I rushed towards the machine, there was this voice echoing, "You idiot faster.... faster!"

I had put in the coin. But something was really wrong. The chocolate had never dropped out of the chute. There was a weird noise and then it stopped.

Violence was the only alternative. I kicked the machine on the side. But again nothing happened. I could see this man was approaching the machine and I had to do something fast. I gave the machine one last shake and accepted defeat.

I had to get back to that stupid jewelery store. On my way I noticed something peculiar. The man at the vending machine was picking up a Chocolate from the chute.

I rushed to him, "Hey that's my chocolate. I never took it from the chute."

The man in his mid 40's gave me a weird look and said, "Oh yeah? Then what are you holding in your hand?"

I looked down and there it was. The chocolate of my dreams. All this while in my hand. I looked up at the man. He was still staring at me...

I was in a situation wherein I couldn't explain what had happened. Am I that absentminded? All I could do is leave the scene. "Oh, I am sorry. I forgot!"

I went down till the corner and peeked. The guy was still looking. Maybe in disbelief. He had encountered the most absentminded kid... ever!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Found this one on the Internet. Had a good laugh. Please drop in a comment if you like it.

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I was late for the show. I was being escorted by four Policemen in their bikes and an armored truck. I was in my White Limousine with my manager encouraging me to make this one a hit!

As I reach the Concert, there were thousands of fans screaming and cheering for me. I finally reach the stage and there is an uproar of cheers and yays and ooos...

And then, I start of singing. (Well, lets totally skip this part)..........

OK, Coming to the end of the singing, I am really happy. I sure did enjoy myself and was glad I had done a great show. I get on the stage again and thank everyone.

"Thank you all. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you..."

The next moment, I can see these two people staring at me. I could also see my brother who was sitting next to me. He had a shocked look and I could see why!

I was in a bus and was returning home from my Aunt's place. I had fallen asleep and the entire Rockstar thing took place then. I asked him, "What all did I say?" All I got was a faint grin. Maybe I did say a bit too much in my sleep. Hopefully, I didn't sing!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

You might have heard this from everyone. Now hear it from me - "Never do anything in the dark"

When I say something good, it only means that I have already faced its bad circumstances...

So just a few weeks back, I was on my Computer doing some important work... (Well, I was playing FIFA 09). I was previously shouted at by my Uncle who had come down. He wanted me to get off my Computer, but I was playing the Manager Mode in the game and wanted to Complete that year.

So as I was trying to win the 4-0 game, there was a power outage. My UPS, would only give me a 5 minute backup. So I saved my game after the loss and reached to my CPU to press the Shutdown button.

"Bad Luck wasn't far behind"

Instead of pressing the Power Off button, I had put my finger into the USB port. I Was stuck with this jolt for a few seconds. Finally, I was pushed away. It took me a few minutes to recover though!

Anyhow, nothing very bad happened that day. I had a laugh thinking about that silly moment. Though, stupidity continued to stay with me.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.

She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

Monday, December 7, 2009

Stupid instances have been a part of my life. But there were a few moments when Stupidity took over me. It's not that I do many stupid things. When I am around, all the stupidity get attracted to me.

Anyways, I and my friend were playing a game of throwing the Frisbee. Even simple Games such as this one can prove to be dangerous. So we were in the park, throwing the round thing back and forth as fast as we could. Just behind us were a few Pet owners training their Dogs. Among them was Buster, a 4 year old Great Dane. He lived just a few blocks away from my house. A well built strong dog just had one problem. He wasn't Potty trained. So there was this trainer training him in the park. (I wonder why he was doing that in the park)

So we both are engrossed in the game, when I get possessed by a bit of Bad luck and Stupidity. I throw the Frisbee to my friend's left assuming that it would reach him. But the wind played a very bad trick. Instead of moving towards him, the Round thing started drifting away.

The Frisbee charged towards Buster and hit him on his head. As he recovered from the impact, he looked around. He could see my guilty face. And within a few seconds, the great chase had begun!

Even the Trainer had joined the chase. Now there were three guys, running like crazy with two of them screaming and one, barking! I ran across the Basketball court and then climbed this slide, which we often called, "Giant Slide". It wasn't that giant for the Great Dane though. He was half way up the slide when finally, the trainer had pulled him down holding on to his leach.

I felt a bit bad for Buster though, because I had caused him pain. So later I went and apologized. I was very brave this time...

Nah... He was on leach. I said, I am sorry. And in response, there were this series of barks and jumps. I guess he would have thought, "Meet me the next time when I am not on my leach and I will show you what a real Sorry is..."

Anyways, after that day, no more Frisbee. So I went on to something safer. Like the slide... But stupid things happen to me everywhere!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Josh was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. It was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Josh.” The teacher asked, ” What if Josh went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer" or "That’s Michael, he’s a doctor." A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ”And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know would run into it, and I would turn red in the face...” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want - God is watching the apples.

So I had this two hour lecture the previous day. To be frank, there were lectures. An hour from a teacher and another half hour from my Sports teacher. After coming home, my parents had their bonus half hour of Safety lecture. My Mom made it clear that a helmet was necessary.

I was ready with an answer though, "I don't have one. And if you think it is a necessity,get me a new one.

"There should be a helmet at home. Go and search for it. No helmet, No Race!"

I knew, that was the last word in the conversation. I could see my Dad enjoying a Soap on the TV. So, I went upstairs to get it. I knew where the Helmet was. In the wardrobe. But also inside were a few hundred Living and Non-Living things. I had to be careful not to step on anything moving. After about 15 minutes, I found my Helmet. It was Brand New in condition. With the Bubble wrap around it. I had never used my Helmet once I had the helpers removed.

The race day was here. We were all lined and I felt everyone was laughing at me. I had this huge green helmet on me which was the center of attraction. And then race began. I was in the front with two guys next to me. So there was my friend who was racing, but all of a sudden lost control.

I am a very good person by heart and never tease anyone. But that day, something made me laugh.

Karma wasn't too far away, the distraction made me loose balance and I had the hardest fall. I was dragged about 2 meters. The next moment, I was in the ER, with this nurse poking me with a huge syringe. She told me I was lucky as I was wearing a helmet or it would have been a head injury.

I was glad, I had worn a helmet. I wanted to tell the whole world about how important Safety was. But I am the sort of the guy who would be ignored by millions. So I am conveying my message only to you guys.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

We got in touch with the creator of this ridiculous movie, Mr. Stupid.

Interviewer: So Mr. Stupid, could you tell us something about this movie?Mr. Stupid: Yeah, sure. Stupidman is a foolish, ridiculous and large eyed hero. I would like to make this interview short. So I have mentioned only a few of his characters.Interviewer: Could you give us a sneak peak on the movie?Mr. Stupid: Sneak peak? Ok. Well I will make this a bit long. We have Stupidman who is not an Alien. He can fly and wears his Underwear outside, like many others do. He has this expression on his face which never changes. The credit goes to our Designer, Mr. Crazy Dude. Anyways, he comes to the city BooBoo to fight crime. But all the villains there, including the citizens of this city kick him out. We end this part of the movie when Stupidman flies to safety from everyone's boots.Interviewer: Oh, so are we yet to see another part?Mr. Stupid: Oh, yes. That would be after the First Part. It should be the Second Part!Interviewer: I personally am eager to watch Stupidman. So when is it hitting the theaters again?Mr. Stupid: No, no. Stupidman is not that strong to hit a theater.Interviewer: I meant when is the movie releasing?Mr. Stupid: It should be on 1st February 2010. It should be on one of the posts on this blog called Stupidation.Interviewer: Thanks Mr. Stupid for talking to us. You have a bad day.Mr. Stupid: You too, have a ridiculously bad day!

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies--two in the front seat and three in the back--wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly 22 miles an hour!", the old woman says firmly.

The officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 129."

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Look Away!

Some really famous guy said, "Mistakes happen only once. Learn from them!". In my case though, they happen more times than I can learn. So, the guy wasn't famous after all! My life has been associated with incidents that have caused embarrassment to me and everyone and everything around me. This Blog should be one of those mistakes. Reading my Blog is your mistake. Reading my Profile is a bigger mistake.