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04/03/2010

Men, you gotta love them! This is especially true if you live in Silicon Valley, which just happens to include the city some lovingly refer to as "Man Jose". If you are living, working, and loving in Silicon Valley, then you already know that men appear to out number us women. You may also have noticed that although a man a woman may be saying the exact same thing, the intention and meaning behind the words are very different.

Here are 3 things to keep in mind when dealing with the women in your life:

Sometimes we just really need to vent. One of the main ways women bond with each other is by sharing their thoughts and feelings. Sometimes we need to get something off our chest, engage in a little gossip, or work through something personal. This doesn't mean we need or want you to "fix" the particular issue or problem. The best thing a man can do is to provide support to his woman. Acknowledge that you hear what she is saying, support her by saying that you can see how what you are talking about is frustrating, and then connect with her by assuring her that you are there for her.

Women usually take a baseline "would I ever have sex with you" reading within the first few minutes of ever meeting you. I know this sounds kind of harsh, and it is not true of all women. Men can also redeem themselves if they do not make the best first impression by doing something lovely or endearing. Men, if you want to make a good first impression, make sure you look presentable by wearing clean clothing, maintain good grooming habits, and above all else, remember to smile.

Every woman wants to know that she is desired and sexy. Making us feel adored, yearned for, and wanted deepens the connection we already feel for you too. It is all too easy to fall into a cycle of "maintenance sex". If you are out at a restaurant, look at her as if she is the only person in the room, spend more time then you usually do caressing and loving her body during foreplay, and while lovemaking, whisper in her ear how beautiful and sexy she is.

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Catherine Toyooka is the founder of Catherine Coaches and is a blogger, sexuality speaker, educator, and a dating & sex coach helping busy professionals in Silicon Valley, San Francisco, and beyond. She is also an Off Site Sex Educator (OSSE) and Brand Ambassador with Good Vibrations in San Francisco. Please contact her at catherine@catherinecoaches.com to arrange your FREE 20 minute phone consultation.

03/28/2010

Confidence. It's something I have always possessed. I'm not really sure where it came from, but I often have enough to spare. As a dating coach and sex coach I think that confidence might just be the number 1 secret of attractive people. Confidence can transform an otherwise "average" person into a "I must know you" person.

When someone is confident, it usually means they are pretty comfortable with themself. Many people flock to confident people because, as by osmosis, being in their presence can make you feel comfortable with yourself. Kind of a hard concept for me to describe, but I think you get the general gist of what I am saying.

If you are trying to attract someone, there are some simple body language shifts you can make so that you are perceived as being confident. Just like dogs can smell fear, men and women can smell desperation, insecurity, and trepidation.

Across the board, people who are considered to be confident and therefore attractive usually know how to use body language well.

Here are a few suggestions you can use, alter, and make your own that will help you in the confidence department:

Learn to stand up straight. People who slouch often give the impression they are personally and emotionally deflated, uncomfortable, and generally not happy.

Learn to look people in the eye. People who are unable to hold direct eye often give others the impression they are disinterested, nervous, or even lying.

Walk like you mean it. Even if you are unsure of your surroundings, act like you know where you are going. Incidentally, many perpetrators seek out their potential victims by gageing a person's body language. They look for people who seem distracted and/or people who look like they will not put up a fight. Now, you don't have to sashay your fabulous self down the street, but try walking as if you are being filmed or photographed...this will ensure you walk with your head high and your shoulders back.

Train yourself to not fidgeting. Fidgeting is a huge sign of being nervous and insecure. Fidgeting can also be super annoying to other people, so try your best to control it when you are around others.

Perfect the way you stand. Yes, this may seem silly, but how you stand can have a lot of influence in the way others view you. If you aren't sure where to begin, start by standing with your feet less then shoulder-length apart and place one foot slightly behind the other. When trying to attract someone, never stand with your arms crossed in front of you. Closed arms = closed person, and you want to adopt a more open and welcoming stance.

Learn to take a compliment. I meet so many people who don't know how to take a friggen compliment. Sometimes I have to stop them and tell them "...just say thank you, Catherine." Learning to take compliments doesn't necessarily mean you are stuck up and conceited. It shows you are comfortable with yourself and aware that you are unique. Do me a favor and the next time someone pays you a compliment, smile and give them a sincere thank you.

Smile damnt! Seriously, just the simple act of smiling can make you feel happy. Plus, smiling uses less muscles then frowning, so it's technically easier to smile!

She is also the organizer of the monthly meetup.com group called "Flirting, Dating, and Sex Oh My!" She has several workshops scheduled in the upcoming weeks, and would love to meet you in person! You can also find her on twitter @catcoaches, facebook, and yelp.