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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

It's a Little Chilly Here

This morning I told Kellie that she’s failing in her primary duty as my muse for this blog. I also speculated as to the cause: insufficient sex. I don’t know if my diagnosis is correct, but even if it's wrong, how much harm could an accidental overdose cause? Kellie refuses to render the requisite medical assistance unless, as judged by her, my behavior improves. She’s unhappy about the resumption of our long running heat battle.

For the past several days, Southern California has been trapped in a frigid cold spell. On some days the temperature doesn’t even reach 60 degrees. Naturally, this return to arctic conditions has led to renewed skirmishes for control of the thermostat. I'm constantly lowering the temperature and shutting bedroom doors to avoid heating unoccupied rooms, while Kellie keeps opening those doors and pushing the thermostat setting up to subtropical.

“If you’re looking for inspiration, then you’re going to have to keep the bedroom door open and let the house get warm. Otherwise my coochie just goes, Wooosssp!” I’m not sure I got the spelling correct, but apparently that’s the sound female genitalia make when they close shop due to extreme cold.

Kellie wins this round. The bedroom door is open, the heater is running full blast, and I’m begging for inspiration.

5 comments:

After nearly forty years of marriage the only thing Mrs. Chatterbox and I have left to fight about is the thermostat. She freezes and turns up the heat instead of putting on a sweater while I'm walking around in my underwear because the house is up to ninety degrees.