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Comedy Stop: What Would Alex Keaton Do?

March 3, 2008 8:02 pmMarch 3, 2008 8:02 pm

It’s been almost 20 years since “Family Ties” went off the air. And Alex P. Keaton’s political idols, Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan, have each gone off to their deserved places in history. Yet I still get asked a lot — O.K. maybe not a lot but more than twice — whether Alex Keaton would be a Republican today. And, if so, who would be his candidate in the 2008 presidential election.

Before I go any further I should point out that I’m a registered independent. I vote Democratic most of the time but not always. I am part of the 75 percent of Americans who strongly disapprove of the job George Bush has done as president.

I should also point out that to properly represent Alex and his political point of view I, as well as the rest of the “Family Ties” writers, did a great deal of research on this subject. And during that time I developed a very healthy respect for the true conservative point of view. A powerful and proud strain of American political thought. And even today I bow to no one in my desire to see the capital gains tax eliminated.

Alex Keaton was a true conservative Republican. He was for limited government. He was strongly against government involvement in the personal lives of its citizens. He was competent and capable — the ultimate over-achiever. But, above all Alex Keaton was a firm believer in the power of ideas. He believed in the competitive marketplace of intellectual discourse, where the best ideas win — usually Alex’s. And so it’s difficult to recognize in this current incarnation of the Republican Party, a party whose legacy will include Terri Schiavo and Hurricane Katrina, a place where Alex Keaton might feel the least bit comfortable.

Alex was smart. Real smart. And, proud of it. He also believed deeply in the power of science. And, the free exchange of scientific ideas. Uncensored. Unfettered by excessive government regulation. Not stifled by religious orthodoxy. Not rewritten by political hacks with no academic or scientific credentials. So it’s hard to picture Alex in a party that seems to be waging war against science, and where their presidential candidates seem comfortable debating whether or not the earth is round.

On the other hand, I can’t see Alex easily voting for a Democrat. I think his natural inclination would have been to go for John McCain. But, that would have been John McCain in 2000, when he was still talking straight: Jerry Falwell was an agent of intolerance, and waterboarding is torture. McCain going back on those two key points would have certainly kept Alex from pulling the lever for him now.

I think Ron Paul’s message is one that would resonate with Alex. And he would appreciate Paul’s intellectual power and his willingness to state his positions unequivocally and without regard to which way the political winds were blowing. I think he’d really like Mike Huckabee’s ideas of getting rid of the IRS. (I know I do.) But ultimately Alex likes to win, and I think that would have kept him from fully committing to either of those guys.

Hillary Clinton? I have to disclose that I’ve known Hillary Clinton for more than 20 years. I think she’s a warm, funny and caring person of formidable intelligence. I admire her, and I would love to be able to say that Alex would vote for her. But I don’t think it could happen.

So what about Barack Obama? I honestly don’t know. I think Alex is an independent now, and as deeply engaged in politics as ever. He would be intrigued by Obama — impressed with his eloquence and intelligence. He would be unhappy with his plan to tax the wealthy at a higher rate, but keenly aware that eight years of neglect and corruption and no-bid contracts have to somehow be overturned. And, I think Obama’s slogan is very similar to Alex’s own personal mantra: “Of Course I Can.”

I think that Alex might just be ready to take a chance. I can picture him stepping into the voting booth, closing the curtain behind him, taking a deep breath and then for the first time in his life putting his hand up to the Democratic Party lever. He’d touch it tentatively, trying to get comfortable. Take his hand off. Put it back. He’d grasp the lever firmly. Squeeze it. And as he was about to pull, we FADE OUT.

For what it’s worth Michael J. Fox and I have differing opinions about just where Alex Keaton is today. I believe he does pro bono legal work for the Children’s Defense Fund.

As I recall, the Keaton patriarch was employed at a Public Television station, much to the dismay of his wingnut son. Pro bono legal work for a worthy cause? Not a chance. Executive producer for a right-wing radio commentator? That’s more like it. On the side, of course, Alex would have dabbled in local politics and undoubtedly gotten entangled with Jack Abramoff. So Mr. Fox is correct: Alex is serving three-to-five in Ohio’s Club Fed.

If Alex Keaton had progresssed to today , he would have had a transformation, and if he were transformed into Michael J. Fox, he’d have no other concious choice to vote democratic, preferably Hillary because she was a republican when she was young, oh and possibly has the best health care , Michael J. Fox could embrace, you know , for all!

Because Alex Keaton, who has Parkinson’s, appreciates science, he’s somewhat sad that he can’t vote for Hillary Clinton. But what could science finally mean to a woman who 1) took the word of an idiot president and ended up with 4,000 dead soldiers in her lap and 2) believes she should get a prize for that?

Alex can’t vote for Barack Obama, because Obama shows no indication of being insulted by what Hillary did to those 4,000 soldiers-citizens, and there’s no reason to believe Obama will ever care about anyone, especially “the little guy,” more than, or before, he cares about himself.

That leaves John McCain. It certainly isn’t a fault of McCain that he’s the age that he is. And McCain’s experience at being a POW makes him first a victim, like all the rest of the POWs, or like Holocaust victims, Israelis. Who is to say of a person like that (and aside from any personal desire that the person might have to be president) that his very existence doesn’t celebrate human integrity and the ability to survive, and that things are not organized correctly in his brain?

Alex Keaton does pro bono legal work for the Children’s Defense Fund. “I think that Alex might just be ready to take a chance. I can picture him stepping into the voting booth, closing the curtain behind him, taking a deep breath and then for the first time in his life putting his hand up to the Democratic Party lever. He’d touch it tentatively, trying to get comfortable. Take his hand off. Put it back. He’d grasp the lever firmly. As he is about to squeeze the lever he sees the band aid on his little finger and remembers the previous night – his five year old daughter cleaning the “wound” (a paper cut) and placing the band aid. Alex keaton changes his mind and votes for Hillary Clinton.

It is hard to know if he were a real person what his views would be or how he would have evolved from a young adult into a middle ager.

Think about how each of us has changed since college. Then there is the question of identification. When one identifies with an ideology for a long time you tend to develop blinders. You more readily see the weaknesses of the other side than your own side. Would Alex have become so involved in Republican Party that he could not easily exit without tearing away a part of who he is. This is true of many traditional Republicans with moderate leaning who have watched their party hijacked by the right.

Of course, he is not a real person. But like all good art, it reveals something about all of us. I will wait anxiously for the post-series novel with a title like “Where is he now.”

As part of the generation of young Americans who came of age during the Reagan Revolution and saw in Alex P. Keaton a role model for individual self-reliance and national renewal, I must congratulate you on an extremely accurate and insightful analysis. Since, unlike many of the previous bloggers, I essentially WAS Alex Keaton, in age, demographics, temperament, academic achievement and political inclination, I can confirm the following:

1) You are spot on with your analysis of Alex’s relationship with John McCain. I voted for him in the New York Republican primary in 2000, and saw him for the first four years of W’s Administration as a beacon of hope within a Republican Party that was increasingly losing its collective mind. That said, I have been thoroughly disillusioned with his pandering to the religious right and his moral compromises over everything from Guantanamo to deficit-bloating tax cuts for the wealthy. He’s out of contention for my vote in 2008.

2) To “jey,” who thought that Alex “changes his mind and votes for Hillary Clinton” because of his 5-year-old daughter’s paper cut, give me a break! Not that I’m not grateful to the Clintons this election season — I think they’ve done us all a national service by reminding us of how frivolous and self-indulgent their generation can be. The sense of instinctive revulsion at a former First Lady who claims “35 years of experience” and feels “entitled” to the Democratic nomination, at Bill’s finger-wagging antics and coded racial messages in South Carolina, at the blatant cheating in Michigan and Florida, at the appeals to superdelegates to overturn the judgment of voters — this, I think, would have been Alex’s strongest reaction to the current campaign season, as it has been mine. Alex, like me, will not overcome “Clinton fatigue” — like me, he supported the impeachment process, not out of a sense of political vindictiveness (actually, his stock portfolio did very well in the Clinton years), but out of a sincere belief that President Clinton had demeaned the office and sacrificed virtually all of his declared political ideals for base physical gratification. A band-aid on a five-year-old’s finger will not turn this around.

In fact, there is only one candidate left whose message of optimistic, service-based patriotism (not to mention his gracious nod to our childhood idol Ronald Reagan) qualify him for the highest office in the land. The fact that he will also be the nation’s first African-American President is just an added bonus, appealing to the strong commitment to equality and civil rights that periodically put Alex (and me) at odds with our youthful Republican brethren in the 1980s.

Wonderful story! So many smart, semi-ethical (and ethical) Republicans have dropped their party affiliations in recent years and become Independents, that I’m sure you’re right that Alex has turned away from the Republican party, probably with great anger and a sense of disillusionment. More than a third of all voters in Colorado are Independents now, and I hope that means that they will have a moderating influence on the idiocies of the Republican party. It seems to be working currently in Colorado, anyway. I think it also shows that someday there may be a viable third party in the US.

As another of those true conservative Republicans I have felt this way for the past 16 years. And will feel the same way in the voting booth this year. I pulled for the libertarian candidate in the past since he was on the ballot and sometimes even that was a reluctant pull.

So you wrote an article asking a question that was never answered that made a play with the possibilities. Come on don’t you know you work for the times(?) you are supposed to put more spin on it and play up to your keepers and the hand that feeds you. Next time perhaps you could please put more spin and up the level of your opinion so we all know who you have chosen us to vote for. Gosh what is happening to the Pravda machine these days?

I grew up in the Columbus, Ohio burbs and got a business degree (just like Alex) and was also a Young Republican. I’ll be pulling the lever for Obama today. I think Alex probably would too (assuming he was not a convicted felon and could still vote).

9. We share Russell Kirk’s conviction that “the institution most essential to conserve is the family.”

10. Politics and economics won’t save us; if our culture is to be saved at all, it will be by faithfully living by the Permanent Things, conserving these ancient moral truths in the choices we make in our everyday lives.

As he was about to squeeze the lever his eyes wander and fall on the shoe planted in the next booth. A woman’s shoe in faded denim with laces fraying at the ends. Reminded him of Susan’s, the most famous female prisoner during his time inside. Alex wished he had gone to prison for tax evasion or insider trading but he was there for dismantling the traffic light in his suburban neighborhood which he did after receiving ten photo enforced traffic tickets in twenty days. Susan abused as a child and adult and married to an evangelical pastor was there for killing her two children. Her best moments in prison were when the guard told her what the color of the sky was outside. She could never adapt to the prison culture and ended her life in suicide. Now working on a book based on his time in the prison, Alex has a change of heart and votes for the female candidate.

Beautiful piece of work! I suspect you are right about Alex Keaton’s choices. The conservatives have been betrayed from within. I’m hoping they’ll revolt against their party. It would be pure gold to us left-leaners!

Mandingo–Liberal and conservative, we should ALL be very angry. People wouldn’t have such terrible suspicions about Republicans in general but for the Great Uniter who’s been sitting in the White House stoking fear and cultivating arrogance at every opportunity since 9/11/2001.

If those values you listed are really yours, that’s great. But they aren’t the values of the leader of this Republican party or any of its greedy powermongers.

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Weekly pieces by the Op-Ed columnists Charles Blow and Ross Douthat, as well as regular posts from contributing writers like Thomas B. Edsall and Timothy Egan. This is also the place for opinionated political thinkers from all over the United States to make their arguments about everything connected to the 2012 election. Yes, everything: the candidates, the states, the caucuses, the issues, the rules, the controversies, the primaries, the ads, the electorate, the present, the past and even the future.