(Oh Jackson you’re always getting the love even when we dog you! Lieutenant Twilight writes you a letter today while we’ve Gone Fishin’. Tuck it between your banjo-lin and the trimmings from your catfish facial hair to read when times are tough. xo, moon)

Ladies Love Cool J

Dear Jackson,

I love you!

Whew… Glad I got that out of the way. You see, most people in the twi-fandom have been cast under some sort of spell by Rob. I never was. I never understood the draw, ok well I UNDERSTAND it, I just remain unaffected. You see, for about 11 years I have always had the same #1 celeb crush. That’s dedication my friend. And now, you’ve won me over and… well you’re my #1! I don’t know when it happened and I don’t know how I am supposed to let HIM know. I mean, he’s been there from my tween years! However, after staring at you and hearing what you’d like to dress up as, I at least know WHY it happened! You see the previous winner of my top 3 was the Johnny Depp. I was committed to his sexiness from a very early age and continued on until I was introduced to you.

Ranks higher than Johnny Depp?!

You have similar features and want to dress up like characters he has already played. You play “music” and have terrible tattoos. It’s like you’re a younger version of him, only you have something that appeals to me more, and that is your awkward sense of humor and outgoing personality. Unlike my Mr. Depp, who is shy and reserved. Therefore, you’ve become my #1 man. My list now reads #1 Jackson Rathbone, #2 Johnny Depp, and #3 Scarlett Johansson (nope, not a lez, but ScarJo is too pretty for me to deny my crush). So lately I’ve been trying to scheme my way into meeting you and getting in your pants… I’ve considered a 100 Monkeys show, but alas there are none in driving distance. I’ve thought briefly about flying to LA to go to a show, but then my conscience kicked in and said that was too extreme. But is it? I mean I could meet you and never really fall in love or give special hugs because I have a fantastic husband who actually owns a Stetson and Spurs (cuz he really is in the Cavalry! I know… I’m a lucky girl!!) So I shall continue to swoon over you from a distance and die a little inside if ever you should develop an actual relationship with someone. Because you have overcome Johnny Depp on my list and he was a multiple winner of “Sexiest Man Alive” and maintained a #1 position in my heart for 11 years! I hope beyond hope that you can do the same!

Playing Dress up with my husband,
Lieutenant.Twilight

DUDE a hat AND spurs… forget Jackson let’s see pics of Lt. Twilight’s hubs! So what is it about Jackson? Besides Rob Jacky gets the next highest number of letters in our inbox…higher than Taylor even. Whats up with that? Is it the side talking? The weird band? Is it because I love to call him Jacky?

Today is the day- Moon returns home!! I am SO ready! I only wish I could give her a big hug. We’ll talk to you Monday- ready to jump back INTO it!

Once Breaking Dawns 1&2 are out and a few years have passed and Summit re-releases the DVD’s into some huge boxed set can we get some extra special features. One I pray for is the outtake from when Rob pulled his groin trying to lift Kristen off the ground in Twilight and how about you make a few others up like a special featurette on Rob’s American accent couch teaching him how to say “Nachos” and “sidewalk.” Can it come with extras like a ziplock baggy of air captured in Catherine Hardwicke’s bedroom where the audition took place and how about have Kellan write an Emmett fanfic since he seems to have really thought about the backstory for Emmett that we know NOTHING about. And then as the extra extra special feature release the tapes of the Volturi doing their scenes nude. We all know Jamie Campbell Bower was telling the truth when he said they were nude for New Moon.

Stop lying and give us what we want! I’ll be more willing to fork out a couple hundred bucks in 5 years for the DVD’s I already own if these are the special features. Think about it!

Here’s what we’ve learned when it comes to Kristen Stewart: You either LOVE her, or HATE her. But we’ve discovered the secret to blogging about her while avoiding death threats being sent via misspelled tweets. Although, I’m not sure we want to avoid those… Haven’t you noticed by now we love a little drama? It’s too fun when the crazies come out of their lairs. So, anyway, this weekend we’re bringing you a K-Stew lova’ and a hata.’ Just call us TEAM SWITZERLAND!

Confessions of a Stewlaholic

Dear LTT,

I’m finally coming out of the closet and admitting – I am a major Stew-aholic. I have admitted defeat and realised that I am in the minority but I cannot hold it in any longer – Kristen Stewart makes me question my sexuality. During the course of this fan letter I will talk you through the stages of my apparent Stewsession (see what I did there?!)

Stage 1 – The First Meeting

It’s November 20th 2008 and I find myself sat in a slightly crowded cinema screen with my sister. The God that is Sir Robert Pattinson graces the screen and I find myself head over heels in love with this beautiful, beautiful man. Bella blinks and breathes quite a bit. Two hours later and after a lot of swooning, I leave the cinema screen knowing that this is only the beginning, that HHH will be occupying my thoughts, computer screen and walls for a long while to come. Twilight was an intoxicating experience for me, not having read the books, and naturally Edward was more of a focal point for me than Bella was. And then came the books . . .

Stage 2 – Getting to Know One Another

Naturally, about a day later I found myself purchasing all four books, then proceeding to read all four within one weekend. Bella was a nice companion to read with, she had an understandable teenage girls mind that I felt I could relate to myself, since we’re both ridiculously level-headed and mature for our age. And then I read the series again . . . and again, and my books became more and more tattered as I read nothing but them. I soon found myself entranced by the characters, in particular Bella & Edward, so took to the internet to do a spot of light reading . . .

Stage 3 – Intense Research & Analysis

So after a few minutes of googling I find myself useful sites such as www.bellasdiary.com & www.team-twilight.com , which eventually led me to these two wonders, LTT & LTR. The sites open me up to the enigma that is Kristen Stewart, her everyday life and the criticism that surrounds her. A nice 3 week holiday in San Francisco, L.A & Florida later and I return with ‘In The Land Of Women’ on DVD, that I happened to spot by chance in Target and let my curiosity for what she has to offer outside of Bella Swan get the better of me. I must admit, easy-on-the-eyes Adam Brody plays a lead role in making this movie good, but Kristen has the self-conscious teenager role down to a tee, her acting made me admire her even more. So I did what any loyal fan would do and I imdb’d that shit, and as soon as that was done I headed down to my local HMV (yes, that was the music store RobStu were pictured in in London) and bought myself a copy of Panic Room & Into The Wild. (Just to clear up, I did not find her in the slightest bit attractive in Panic Room, I don’t want Chris Hanson on my case . . .)

Stage 4 – Realization

Go Ahead... Click that

So it was around the beginning of October 2009 (almost a whole year after first laying eyes on KStew) that I realised that I have a big, fat lesbian crush on her (so so tempted to quote Mean Girls then..) and nobody can help me now. I’m not in the slightest bit ashamed to admit that the folder entitled “Kristen Stewart” holds more than 80 more pictures than the one called “Robert Pattinson”, (bring on the “wtf’s?!”!).

In conclusion:

Now my daily internet time is mainly spent reading about whatever news my 3 main sites have to offer me on Kristen Stewart.
Being the make-up junkie that I am, I select a picture at random of her everyday and try to replicate her eye make-up since it is always seemingly flawless. I spent a sick day in bed perusing the internet and managed to watch her on Jay Leno three times because I found her so adorable. I’ve based my Art GCSE final piece on her public image and the criticism she receives from the media for her acting. I wrote an essay about her in my English class. And after writing this letter I really do think I have the potential to be a lesbian… Plus she has the most enviable pair of legs I think I have ever laid eyes on.

(Apologies for the over usage of brackets and ellipsis in this letter! They’re like my own personal brand of “irrevocably” and “smooth contours of Edwards chest”).

Take note of the following story I found when trolling through The Forum from our a LTTer, Robsten4life:

“So as many of you know from twitter, boyfriend, after 7 years, finally popped the question!

I knew it was coming because about a month ago when we were in NYC we went to an antique jewelry store in soho and of course we weren’t actually intending to buy, just to look around, but we found THE ring and didn’t want to let it go. I went back this past Saturday to pick up the ring.

Boyfriend is well aware of my Twiobsession which has been in full force since Eclipse, so really it’s been an Eclipseobsession, which he likes to rag on me about. Friday night Boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and he says to me,

“Well you might as well just wear the ring after you pick it up tomorrow since I can’t think of anything romantic to say/do.”

I had previously made it clear that I didn’t want anything elaborate and didn’t want an audience. So we’re sitting on the couch and on comes a tv spot for Eclipse and I told him that if he needed inspiration he should read chapter 20 of Eclipse as many of you know the proposal scene and Edward’s actual line is my favorite line in the whole series!

“I promise to love you forever – every single day of forever” -Edward

So this afternoon he comes out of his man cave and hands me Eclipse and says “is this the right part?” I open the book and this is what I see:

then he very simply just got down on one knee and asked me to marry him (I guess he couldn’t actually bring himself to say the line! ) It was all very sweet and simple and I loved it.

The ring is antique, from the 30’s, it’s art deco and I absolutely adore it!”

OMG, Robsten4Life!!! DID HE RUIN YOUR ECLIPSE BOOK? I would’ve been SOOOOOOOO times 1,000,000 pissed!!!!

I’d like to draw our reader’s attention to today’s “What the F*ck Moment” courtesy of YOU (yet again)

Seriously? First of all everyone claims they sell “Bella’s Jacket” including my very favorite modcloth.com (which sold out QUICKLY back in 2006- or maybe it was 2009- whatever. FOREVER ago) MAYBE this is the ‘real’ Bella’s jacket & maybe they shouldn’t be claiming connection to Twilight without permission, but dude. Seriously? Do you guys not have anything better to do other than sue people? You sued a fan (Delaneyg84 on Twitter for those of you in the dark (aka lucky) who loves Robsten & leaked Eclipse stills before anyone else did), you sued someone who took a video camera into a theater & got a shitty capture of PART of New Moon for her digital scrapbook. What’s next?

I figured I’d take the liberty of helping you out with some ideas of who to sue:

Olive Garden- for making such delicious breadsticks that Big Daddy, and therefore Taylor, can’t resist. Free advertising for them due to your Golden Boy!

All restaurants in New Orleans for using Fish Fry. Harry did NOT okay that

The estate of Kurt Kobain for all the flannel he wore in the 90s

Bears. Everywhere. Cause they should be wolves. Bella said.

Hipsters with mustaches- they didn’t get Charlie’s permission.

People holding apples in supermarkets. They don’t have the license to do that- the hand model is the only one allowed.

Vampire Diaries- do I have to explain? Vampires? Love story? Love triangle? Twilight did it forty millionth first

Spider-monkeys

God for not getting permission before the partial lunar Eclipse last Saturday

Moon & I for all our wise cracks over the years. BRING.IT.ON. Imagine all the letter possibilities!