I wasn't advocating coming out with guns blazing by any means, but I also shouldn't have to happily shell out $1000 for a deductible because some shithead kids were never taught to respect others' property.

No, it isn't fair that somebody is destroying your personal property. Just like it isn't fair that some idiot can hit you in their car and then drive away from the scene.

But there are still options available to you outside of assault or attempted murder for both of those scenarios.