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Thursday, July 10, 2014

WHEN LIFE GETS TOO MUCH

One in three Americans feel as if Life has gotten too much for them.I have a half dozen friends who are under assault from life. Three have blogs. Three do not. I write to all six, and they to me.Life doesn't ask permission. It just sucker punches you. And when you are down, many times it seems to delight in kicking you repeatedly.Many of us feel as if we have too much on our plates, as if we cannot take any more -- yet people are depending on us -- at a time when we feel even our legs are undependable.Mother was half Lakota and seemed to have all the answers when I was little.Two things stood out to me about her:Her calm attitude ... and her steady gaze no matter the storm.During a bad spell in my life, I asked her why life was so difficult.She said, "I do not know if there is one answer that will satisfy you, Little One. I think there are many answers out there in life waiting for you to find them."Mother saw how underwhelmed I was by that answer and kept on:"Life is a journey taken one step at a time. Nowhere is it written that our steps must always be strong -- only that we must make them, no matter their length."She ruffled my hair. "No storm no matter how strong can defeat even the weakest step because it is an expression of hope."I saw with a start that her eyes were wet. "Every step taken is a prayer answered. Every step is a spark that defies the darkness of despair."Mother tweaked my nose gently. "Defy the darkness, Little One."

Defy the darkness. Three small words.

But how do we live them?

Here are some small ways that I have found that work for me:1.) HAVE SELF-COMPASSION -In other words, cut yourself some slack. It’s being willing to look at your mistakes or failures with kindness
and understanding — without harsh criticism or defensiveness. Look at yourself as you would a friend going through a similar hard time. You know the advice you would give them? Maybe you would be wise to follow it yourself?2.) Remember THE BIG PICTURE -A particular task may be disgusting or daunting -- but usually it is part of a goal that is worthwhile and helpful to someone important to you. LOVE is a sauce that helps make even the most distasteful go down easier.3.) ROUTINE can be your friend -

Every time you make a decision — whether it’s about choosing which medical avenue to take, about when or how long to sleep before tackling reality again, or
about choosing rye or whole wheat for your egg salad sandwich --It takes emotional energy. The more energy you deplete, the more stress builds up.The solution is to reduce the number of decisions you need to make by
using routines. If there’s something you need to do every day, do it at the same time every day. Have a routine for preparing for your day in the morning, and packing up to go home at night.No matter how you feel about Obama, he stated in a recent interview that he used the same strategy. And he should know about problems and the stress they bring.4.) Don't go NSF -I've talked about your emotional checking account. Each emotional transaction depletes that account. Continually drawing from your emotional account without depositing is going to have you go NSF eventually.That means a breakdown of some kind.If there were something you could add to your car’s engine, so that after driving it a hundred miles, you’d end up with more gas in the tank than you started with, wouldn’t you use it?There is something you can do for yourself that will have the same effect… doing something interesting.Recent research shows that interest doesn’t just keep you going despite fatigue, it actually replenishes your energy. And then that replenished energy flows into whatever you do next.5.) Think IF/THEN -- WHEN & WHERE -Do you have a to-do list? If you are in a middle of a life emergency, you certainly do. What you need is a way to get the things done that you set out to do in a timely manner. What you need is if-then planning (or what psychologists call “implementation intentions”).Deciding in advance when and where you will complete a task (e.g., “If it is 4pm, then I will return any phone calls I should return today”) can double or triple your chances of actually doing it.Another way to combat stress using if-then plans is to direct them at
the experience of stress itself, rather than at its causes. Recent
studies show that if-then plans can help us to control our emotional responses to situations in which we feel fear, sadness, fatigue, self-doubt, or even disgust. For instance:“If I see the doctor enter the room, then I will stay
calm and relaxed, for then I will be able to ask the questions I need to,” or, “If two demands are pulling at me, then I will keep a
cool head and calmly choose the more important of the two.”

6.) A LITTLE PREP & A LOT OF COPING -

As patients wait for test results, anxiety rises as time slips into slow motion. But experts say patients can regain a sense of control.

Start before the test itself.

Because fear can cloud memory during talks with doctors, take notes. If you can, bring a friend to catch details you may miss.

Some pretest questions:

What precisely can this test reveal? What are its limitations?

How long should results take, and why? Will the doctor call with results, or should I contact the office?

If it’s my responsibility to call, what is the best time, and whom should I ask for?

7.) WAIT IS A FOUR LETTER WORD -13I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.14Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.- Psalm 124Anticipating uncertain news or outcomes can be torture.

HOW TO WAIT WELL -

1.) DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM UNCERTAINTY Stressed minds seem to want to endlessly cycle your worst fears. You will find yourself unable to focus. Sometimes a video of ocean waves is magnetic. For me, I found watching a video of a man Kyyaking in a rapids with a hymn in the background soothing for me when the world seemed about to bottom out for me.IN HIS PRESENCE was the DVD:http://www.amazon.com/In-His-Presence-Thou-Vision/dp/B000BG0DM8(just in case you were wondering what video)2.) MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS -Bracing for the worst is what many do. But research supports a number of benefits of maintaining hope under difficult circumstances, such as better adjustment to uncertainty, reduced risk for of hypertension, increased immune functioning, and faster recovery from illness.3.) LOOK FOR THE SILVER LINING IN YOUR PRESENT MOMENT - It may surprise you to know that people with chronic and deteriorating diseases do not often report loss of all happiness compared to their healthy counterparts. Expectation plays a huge role in life satisfaction, so generally, when people come to terms with their new predicament, they're able to redefine their personal measures of happiness. Therefore, while waiting for potentially bad news, you can take some comfort in knowing that, though your life may have to change, you will still be able to find some measure of happiness. 4.) KEEP PERSPECTIVE REGARDING THE POSSIBLE NEWS -Consult with friends, family, and experts to ascertain the ramifications of potentially bad news. Evaluate how important the moment truly is in the grand scheme of things.5.) KEEP COMMUNICATIONS OPEN TO YOUR FRIENDS -Just leaning on the shoulder of a friend who gives a damn can make all the difference in the world. Know that others have endured storms and have gained compassion from the journey. We want to help in any way we can.

Like EC said, it's so much easier to be kind to others than to ourselves. I guess we're not taught to take care of ourselves. Are we?

Thank you for this compassionate, generous post. It seems even our more privileged western world is torn by incredible despair these days.

When I hit bottom a while back, I did something different and tape recorded self affirmations. It's kinda strange but I played it repeatedly, to undo the old tapes and replace them with positive messages - even while I was sleeping. That and friends who remind me of my strength, pulled me through.

He's Back!

VOODOO & LOVE IN THE FRENCH QUARTER

LOVE & UNDEATH IN THE FRENCH QUARTER

FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE AUDIO BOOK!

The supernatural predators come out after Katrina. Can two undead legends stop them?

AFTER KATRINA, THERE IS NONE BUT TWO TO STOP THE UNDEAD

ONLY $1.99 WHEN YOU BUY THE KINDLE BOOK!

LISTEN to GHOST OF A CHANCE

Can an author be drawn into his own fictional world and killed by his own characters?

HIBBS HAS FOUND HIS VOICE!

A tale of enchantment

Souls At The Crossroads

Where do you need to be?

THE DEADLIEST ENEMY IS WITHIN

What if Stephen King wrote of the life of a blood courier?

Listen to this haunting tale of horror and love

It is 1853. An undead Texas Ranger is on board a cursed ship in search of a murderer who is wearing the face of her last victim as a mask.

Listen to the LAST FAE

When the world is mad, there is little else to do but show them what true insanity is!

Can a man marry both the moon and the sun?

In the eclipse of myth, he can

What Defense is an innocent soul against the Powers of Darkness?

Let Hibbs, the cub with no clue, show you

Before Indiana Jones or Allan Quartermain

There was Sam McCord and his doomed love for Meilori Shinseen

Alice and Victor in 1834 New Orleans

Do a review and have a 1 in 13 chance to win a Johnny Depp autograph!

Buy_FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE

Hurricane Katrina has cast New Orleans into darkness. Predators, living and undead, close in on the helpless survivors. Can Samuel McCord and a vampire priest keep the French Quarter from being drowned in blood?

Buy_LET THE WIND BLOW THROUGH YOU

Enter the dangerous world of a Native American Noir thriller where forbidden love clashes with the politics of crime

In Memoriam - Maukie my cyber friend

Maukie - the virtual cat 2 3

RITES OF PASSAGE link

The earliest Samuel McCord adventure: Dare to board a fantasy Titanic as it sails into the Bermuda Triangle

VICTOR'S HERE!

BOOK 1: No one talks openly of the misty figures seen walking along New Orleans' iron-laced terraces, casting no shadow. Of the shapes seen rising from sewer grates. And no one willingly visits the crypt of Marie Laveau at midnight. Into this strange world arrives the street orphan, Victor Standish, from Charon's Greyhound. Charon has to keep up with the times ... the End Times. And the teen destined to be called the "Ulysses of the French Quarter" has come just in time for Hurricane Katrina, the End of All Things ... and the deadly love of the Victorian ghoul, Alice Wentworth.

VICTOR AND ALICE ARE BACK!

BOOK 2: Victor's a street kid. Alice is a Victorian ghoul Their love breaks the chain of reason. Their new adventures bring the French Quarter back from the brink of nightmare.

THE RIVAL

BOOK 3: Victor & Alice are in the French Quarter of 1834. Voodoo. Demigods. Revenants. And the hilarious Menage a Trois of Death! Oh, and someone we love dies at the end.

END OF DAYS is here!

St. Marrok's. The most eerie high school in which you will ever die. Its curriculum? The End of Days. Alice Wentworth plans to get an A+.

ADRIFT IN THE TIME STREAM link

SEQUEL to RITES OF PASSAGE: Come aboard the doomed DEMETER with undead Texas Ranger, Sam McCord, and sail with her into the depths of madness in ADRIFT IN THE TIME STREAM.

Buy_CREOLE KNIGHTS

SEQUEL to FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE: The dead rise. Elder Beings strain to enter our world through Katrina devastated New Orleans. And the Angel of Death is kidnapped to clear their way. Can Sam McCord stem the tide of madness in time?

Buy_THE LAST FAE

Once there was an age undreamed where legends walked this earth … and nightmares, too. Terrible were the battles, tragic the outcome of the wars. Until finally there were only two survivors : the nightmare and one bruised legend. These are the legend’s stories, each one a different facet of the same priceless gem – a jewel that has come to believe herself worthless. So come. Listen to her. Listen to THE LAST FAE.

GHOST OF A CHANCE

What if what you wrote became real?

BURNT OFFERINGS

When dreams are sacrificed, it is the soul that burns.

CHECK OUT THE FUN!

Explore if you dare

Buy_THE LAST SHAMAN

Journey with the last Lakota shaman, Wolf Howl. The white govenments call him Drew August. Those who hunt him call him Death. The last day of Man has dawned. Watch as Wolf Howl turns to meet his human hunters. Shadow, the love of his life, returns to aid his hunters. Then, Mankind's death descends. Can he save Shadow before the world's time runs out?

BRING ME THE HEAD OF McCORD!

Only 99 cents. C'mon. Take a chance.

GHOST WRITERS IN THE SKY

LEARN TO WRITE BETTER AND LAUGH ALONG THE WAY

LAST EXIT TO BABYLON

At the dawn of the End of All Things, the Last Fae finds there is no hope ... but love.

IT'S HERE TO BUY!!

The trilogy concludes. Not even the eclipse of myth is forever. But love is. And eclipses return. Listen. The voice of Blake, son of Man, is calling across the night skies.

Buy THE PATH BACK TO DAWN

Only in the eclipse of myth can a young man find himself with both the Moon and the Sun as his brides. Can he survive what follows?

Buy_LOVE LIKE DEATH

From the pages of THE LAST FAE springs this paranormal romance/thriller. Fallen, the last fae, discovers the name of the young teenager to whom she lost her heart : Blake Adamson.But she also discovers what happens when you believe your fears over your love : heartache and loss. And so Blake Adamson finds himself torn between two loves : one fae, the other an alien drinker of souls. Their love is deadly, but love, like death, will have its way.

THE BEAR WITH 2 SHAD0WS link

Based on the stories my Lakota mother told me as a child when I was deathly ill in a freezing Detroit basement apartment. Think a Native American LORD OF THE RINGS.

OCTORBER 3RD

Read the shadowy origin of ROSE RED

FROM THE GREAT BEYOND HOP!

You dare not miss it!!

ZOMBIE PREPAREDNESS!

LISTEN TO THE CDC

Thanks, Alex!

THE WORLDS OF ROLAND YEOMANS

Donna Hole astonishes with her insights on my linked worlds

FANTASTIC REVIEW OF THE LEGEND OF VICTOR STANDISH

Michael Di Gesu does a masterful review. I am honored by his friendship

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LIFE LESSONS taught me by GYPSY

Dedicated to GYPSY

PAPYRUS PRODUCTIONS

Have Wendy make your book into a trailer that wows the reader!

HELP THE HURTING

100% of the profits for ALL my books this FEBRUARY are going to THE SALVATION ARMY. My Valentine's gift to the hurting.

Buy_BLOOD WILL TELL

One lone telepath finds himself a helpless spectator as the race of Man is subjugated into mindless drones by the very blood within their bodies.When the war is over, and he finds himself totally alone ... How can he go on and why?

CALL ME TOMBS

The last Lakota Heyoka faces voodoo and ultimate evil in the Carpathian Mountains of Transylvania with his Hellhound, Puppy

CATCH FIRE!

BLOG TOUR FOR ALEX J, CAVANAUGH'S NEWEST NOVEL

SIV'S BLOGFEST!

The Norse Gods Are Watching You!

BRAINE at TALK SUPE

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NERDY IS THE NEW SEXY!

BECOME A JEDI KNIGHT FOR TEENS

THE SECRET OF SPRUCE KNOLL

Help save the endangered species of Earth by buying THE SECRET OF SPRUCE KNOLL!

AMAZON KEEPS SELLING OUT!

Written by the author who could very well turn out to be the new William Faulkner, Elliot Grace