I am a mom of too many kids living in Northern California. "From the Shoe" was the title of Cheaper By The Dozen’s Lillian Gilbreth’s summer newsletter. The “shoe” references the children’s nursery rhyme. I mix humor & philosophical musings with everyday events. I hope you like it. From the Shoe artwork by Alec Maloney.

The Family Dinner

If I ever get my own kitchen again and can have family dinners, I will institute a hard and fast rule. ABSOLUTELY NO TALKING AT DINNER! Now, this mandate is for the physical and emotional health of the participants. I know it runs contrary to popular practices of benign, pleasant family conversations around a home cooked meal. But, I must put my fork down.

Recently, (like ten minutes ago) I was eating a nice plate of mac and cheese while trying to watch the 45 second intervals of tv shows that are being flipped through on the TV by a family member who shall remain nameless. This family member asked me a question:

Unnamed Family Member: What does Ellie do at your friend’s house?

Donna: (with mac and cheese in her mouth) Slave labor.

UFM: What?

Donna continues to masticate her mac and cheese, but tries to answer in the 3.8 seconds allotted before the question is repeated.

Donna: She helps her clean.

UFM: She does what?

Again, the 3.8 seconds tick away….

Donna: She helps her clean.

UFM: She helps her sleep?

Donna quickly eats, but tries to answer. She inhales a piece of the mac and cheese and begins coughing uncontrollably.

UFM: OK, here we go again.

Donna, regaining her breath: CLEAN, SHE HELPS HER CLEAN!

UFM: Why are you yelling?

Donna: BECAUSE YOU’RE DEAF.

UFM: I’m dead, that’s right, that’s what you want. It’s not far now.

Donna: That’s right, be prepared.

UFM: Did you hear that, Liz, she wants me to die.

In light of this recent conversation, which is a daily occurrence, I will institute emphatically that there will be no talking at the dinner table. This will eliminate unnecessary choking hazards as well as the inevitable family fight.

I am a mom of too many kids living in Northern California. "From the Shoe" was the title of Cheaper By The Dozen’s Lillian Gilbreth’s summer newsletter. The “shoe” references the children’s nursery rhyme. I mix humor & philosophical musings with everyday events. I hope you like it. From the Shoe artwork by Alec Maloney.