To think my sister could at least ask for the day off for my wedding?

I'm getting married abroad next year. We originally wanted this to be during the May/June half term, but unfortunately these dates were already booked up for the ceremony venue we wanted. We have instead been offered a Saturday at the end of June.

My sister is a primary teacher, and one of my bridesmaids. She is refusing to ask for any time off, despite the fact that she could fly out on Friday and back on Sunday (short haul destination!) so would only need to ask for one day. She's suggested I either opt for the summer holidays or look for an alternative venue that is available in half term, if I want her to come. The reason she won't ask is because she doesn't think her head will approve it anyway, so "what's the point". I'm upset and angry, but don't know if I'm blinded by wedding emotion! Keen to avoid a family fall-out, AIBU?

I'm sorry but I think you areShe might be anxious at work , worried about putting herself in a tricky position , also for a teacher doing a long week at work dashing off for the weekend isn't very enjoyable They usually do seventy hour weeks don't they plus marking at the weekend ? When will she fit everything inI think as you've decided to have it abroad you have to accept some people important to you wont be able to come

There are something like 13 weeks of s holl holidays every year, so quite rightly head teachers are unwilling to grant annual leave during term time. Your sister knows this, hence won't Barrasford herself by asking when she knows it will be a no.

Perhaps you'll just have to choose another bridesmaid. I wouldn't expect my sister to inconvenience herself for my wedding, but then I hate weddings so my view may be very different to everyone else's!

you decided to get married abroad. I bet you DS isn't the only one who will give it a miss but if people need to get on a plane and take annual leave to attend then this is something to be expected. YABVU to sulk over this.

I'm sorry but I think YABUSchools do not allow pupils or teachers to take time off in term time. My DH is a teacher and only time off in term time had been to attend funerals (unpaid leave as well).If your DS really wants to go to the wedding she'd have to fly home on the Sunday. That's the risk you run when you plan a wedding abroad, not everyone is going to be able to go I'm afraid. Maybe it's a cost issue as well.

It depends really. Some schools are more accommodating than others. Whilst they may not allow her to take it as paid, many of my colleagues would have taken the day as unpaid leave. Can she afford to do this? If not you could offer to help by paying her flights if she takes a day off unpaid. It really depends how close you are. If she really wanted to come, she would ask for a days unpaid leave. However maybe she can't afford it.

Others are right. If you have a teacher as an important member of your wedding party then you don't book it during term time and abroad. A wedding at home would have been doable and I suppose in theory she could still come out later on the Friday. If it was me I would go and ask my head and I think they would allow it as unpaid leave. But my head is very sympathetic and we are a close knit team. I suspect most schools would simply say no and as I said she would at the very least lose a days pay.When you have your wedding is a choice. I suspect your sister is upset and probably pissed off that you have chosen a time when it is almost impossible for her to come. It may look ( to her )like you don't care all that much is she's there or not.