Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.

No. In my thirties, I dated and was married to a man for over 7 years. The first 3 1/2 years, sex was great! The last 3 1/2 of those years, we had NO sex. At first I blamed myself, although he stated several times, "It's me, not you". He was able to achieve an erection with no problem, but at the moment of penetration, .... instantly soft. He was unable to have sex with ME! On several occasions I asked if he was having an affair, even though I was not suspicious. He emphatically stated, "NO". I believed him. No evidence to the contrary...I would never want to be in this situation again.

I did have a relationship for three years with an older man who was functionally impotent. However, we had a great sex life. He could get it up and orgasm with blow jobs, and he made up for the inability to penetrate with his marvelous, wicked, kinky imagination. He kept me very happy. To this day, thirty years later, I will still assert that he was the best lover I ever had.

So yes, I would have a relationship with a man with ED, even if pills or implant were not feasible. If he's willing to participate whole heartedly, I would have no problem with physical limitations.

Despite some hard hearted responses above, guys, if you get creative and are willing to make the effort, you will find equally willing mates.

If however, I was in a relationship with him and something happened to his libido I certainly wouldn't leave him over it.

Libido and ability to get or maintain an erection are not necessarily the same thing. While it is true that for some men the libido does flag, for others the mind and spirit are more than willing whilst the flag is not even at half mast. For some men the hydraulics just don't pressurize. It's sad and I feel for those men.But, as the lady up above relates, ti does not have to be a death sentence for the sensual and erotic arts.

golly, now I have this image of a rodeo rider....well, except they hope for an 8 second ride. hopefully the impotent can bring foreplay to a conclusion with a talented tongue or flashing fingers. I'm told its not the same orgasm, but don't know if its a "lesser" one.

actually I did date a man for like three months..super nice guy but..had some problems with maintaining his flag pole so to speaknot from lack of trying or interestwhen I asked him to go and talk to his doctor about thishe did not want to do itI told him this was not going to work for me

Hmmm... depends. My current primary relationship is impotent. He wasn't always that way. Life and such. *shrug* I'm not going anywhere, and neither is he. Something about lots of love, shared intimacy, trust, and a willingness to compromise. And my granddaughters and his grandsons going camping and fishing. *Laughing* Fact of the matter is, he's very able to satisfy me in other ways most of the time, yet recognises that sometimes I need the 'real deal.' So, we have a mutual friend that we both trust. When I get like that, he says "Go. I'll see you in a few days." and trusts that'll I'll come back. And I do. Because a relationship isn't about the sex, it's about everything- including the sex.

Would I do it again? Maybe. For me, it's about the relationship. No real relationship there? Probably not. Relationship potential? Maybe. What have you got that I want? Sex is not the top thing on my list.

A friend of mine who is in his late 30's has issues like this and while he can get women interested and keep them around for while, eventually things fall apart. Women (many, not all) like to say men are only after sex but both men and women long to enjoy it once in a while so I am not shocked by the answers.

NO. At my age or more importantly since I choose to date men my own age I have learned this is something that needs to be discussed very early on in the dating process. I find a way to ask if everything is in working order. Unfortunately I have had more than one man lie. I have also found that my idea of everything is fine to be different from a lot of men's idea of everything is fine. Once a week or less is not a "strong libido". I'm sorry but I am a bit more needy in this department. Needing three days or more turnaround time is not going to work. Being too embarrassed to take advantage of the medical aides is not going to work.

Yes, if that is the only issue. Getting and maintaining an erection is one thing but desire is another. I know that you often comment about how older women have no desire but trust me it is also an issue with older men. I can tell when a guy is phoning it in to make me happy the same that you can tell when a woman is doing it. I want mutual satisfaction. Of course in a relationship sometimes things will be completely one sided because that is what you do when you are in a committed relationship and it can be loads of fun. But I don't want it like that every time.

Men with ED tend to put a lot of pressure on their partner, tug this for an hour, suck that for an hour, do this, do that, do this , do that it always comes down to the woman so even if she is secure with her body and herself she gets wore out and rarely gets any pleasure it becomes allll about the man and how to get him off. I feel like men with anyyyy kind of ED needs to own it, come up with ideas , help out take into consideration sore jaws, sore shoulders and the sheer energy put into trying to please a guy with his special sexual needs but this rarely happens because he himselfff is too embarrassed to talk about it. So he will literally lay there and let some poor woman work and work and work and work till she cant anymore and quits out of frustration because of course it probably feels good so he isnt going to be nice and say hey honey thank you but this just isnt going to happen maybe I can do this for you now that you were so sweet and did this for me.... And even if he did there is a certain need we all have and its to feel like we are the ones pleasing our partners and that we can .. Men alwaysssss want to know their penis, their skills are what get their women off , us women are not so different we like the satisfaction of a job well done and a man with ED its just never a job well done.

It's like you are describing my ex. I was doing and doing and doing "the chore" for three or four hours and he still couldn't get it up. While it was all pleasure for him, it was pure torture for me. He just lay there and I did all the work. I asked him to seek a medical help, use toys, heck, do anything for me but he never did any of that. Surprisingly, we lasted two years but I just couldn't take it anymore. Four hours to get it up (sometimes) and get nothing in return - never ever again. Nope, would never date an impotent again.

I was doing and doing and doing "the chore" for three or four hours and he still couldn't get it up. While it was all pleasure for him, it was pure torture for me. He just lay there and I did all the work.

A gal pulling that "lawn mower chain" to get it started for a long period of time isn't that much pleasure for a guy. The concept if she absolutely loved doing it and didn't care would, sure, be on the positive side of course. But for hours straight? Even then, a guy's not going to Like that. It's shocking a guy would lay back having that be done like that. Quite hard to believe, especially with the Liking of it, too.

You can get "McGuire / Sosa" pills online -- plus natural supplements regardless to push things in the right direction. And of course, exercise and diet changes etc. I would go that route if it routinely took someone more than 15m to even get a workable erection on someone else who wasn't even drinking.

Yes I would. Penetration doesn't do anything for me. I only like anal ( if he has a small to average-sized d!ck) but I can do without that too.

Wait, do you mean "Hey, if he can't get it up too often [which is impotent], not a huge thing; I'm huge into oral and that holds me over quite well," .... or .... "If he can only Rarely get it up, I don't care"? Obviously he'll need to be erect for either entry-way. But if you could be 100% fulfilled by just oral -- that's an interesting situation, which makes one curiously wonder about one's sexuality in general. Hmmm. Interesting.

A gal pulling that "lawn mower chain" to get it started for a long period of time isn't that much pleasure for a guy. The concept if she absolutely loved doing it and didn't care would, sure, be on the positive side of course. But for hours straight? Even then, a guy's not going to Like that. It's shocking a guy would lay back having that be done like that. Quite hard to believe, especially with the Liking of it, too.

Well, it is true. Yep, he would lay on his back and I was doing all the "work." He told me that he liked me doing it for hours and hours. I had no reason not to believe him. At rare occasions he could get it up faster but ummm, 95% of the time it was me pleasuring him for 3 or 4 hours and not getting anywhere at all. And getting nothing in return. I was on a positive side at the beginning but 2 years took a toll on me. He refused to go see a doctor because he didn't think that he had any problems. Believe me, it is true.

Why did I stay with him for 2 years? Because he was a super nice guy outside of the bedroom. We had lots in common. We were compatible. I cared about him a lot. Everybody was telling me that he is a great guy and that I wouldn't find anybody better. But at the end my body couldn't deal with it any more. I was getting super tired and sore and sick all the time. I absolutely love sex but with him it became a difficult "chore."

Wait, do you mean "Hey, if he can't get it up too often [which is impotent], not a huge thing; I'm huge into oral and that holds me over quite well," .... or .... "If he can only Rarely get it up, I don't care"? Obviously he'll need to be erect for either entry-way. But if you could be 100% fulfilled by just oral -- that's an interesting situation, which makes one curiously wonder about one's sexuality in general. Hmmm. Interesting.

I'm not "100% fulfilled" by oral, never even implied that. I like giving oral but not receiving.

Anyway, I bumped this thread because I'm currently seeing someone who has these issues. He blames it on lack of sensitivity due to condom usage. He's in his late 40s. It's frustrating because he'll get hard but cannot stay hard & he did cum by dry-humping me the last time we saw each other. This is the 2nd man in his 40s who's blamed the condom on why he can't perform/stay hard, etc. I refuse to go raw because 1) I'm not on anything & 2) I'm not going to take hormonal BC when it's just a casual thing. I've thought about doing exclusively anal but even with that, a condom is best policy!

He's a pilot so he cannot take certain medication that could affect his heart rate.