Imagine That!

You would think by now I’d have this yearbook picture thing down. I forgot about the first picture day and decided that I would catch the photographer on our make-up day. Of course, I also forgot about the make-up day and this is what will be in the yearbook this spring. Yep, that’s me – ponytail and sweatshirt.

I should look “teacher-ish” right? Make-up picture day was on a Friday. At my school, we can wear jeans if we wear our school colors or “Spirit” wear on Fridays, and I never miss the opportunity to wear jeans! We all have some type of image of what a teacher should look like. I know I do, and the above picture is not the image that I wanted to show on picture day. Not looking like a teacher doesn’t change the fact that I AM a teacher, though. Who cares what I look like?!

What image comes to your mind when you think about a preacher’s wife? Back in undergrad, when PB told me that he was going to be a preacher, this is the image that came to mind:

This is PB’s aunt and at that time, she was one of a very few number of preacher’s wives that I knew personally. Oh yes, she is always FLY, but me living up to this image caused all kinds of anxiety! I’m not a hat person unless it’s a baseball cap. My shoes never match my purse…what am I talking about?! Most of the time, my purse is really my wallet in a diaper bag! Wearing a dress or skirt has to be a special occasion!

I can poke fun at myself now, but imagine my 21-year-old self trying to figure out who I wanted needed to be in order to portray the perfect preacher’s wife image. What didn’t help was most people in my circle had similar images of a preacher’s wife. I had tons of advice about what I should or shouldn’t wear, where I could or couldn’t go, where to sit, how to act, what to say…and I was MISERABLE! I felt like I had the two little “mini-me” devil and angel pair constantly sitting on my shoulders talking me through my every move. It’s exhausting trying to be everything that OTHERS want you to be!

What I’ve learned in the almost 15 years of being married to a preacher is that I’m fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God made me the way He wants me to be and His works are WONDERFUL! I enjoy being ME!

Just like taking a horrible school picture doesn’t change the fact I’m a teacher, nothing about how I look changes the fact that I’m married to a preacher. I’m not perfect…far, far from it! I’m a little goofy and extremely shy (which is often translated as “stuck up”) until we get to know each other, but I’m happy and content with the life God has blessed me to have with my PB and cubs. I’ve learned that I don’t have to try to be what others want me to be so that I fit THEIR image of me. This lesson didn’t happen overnight. Honestly, it took about ten years for me to stop trying to please others. I started focusing on my strengths and how best to use them to glorify God and gain his approval – not everyone else’s.

Monday is the beginning of an on-line conference that I plan on participating in on the Leading and Loving It webpage. Here’s the link to the conference if you want more information about it: http://live.mediasocial.tv/leadingandlovingit. I haven’t participated in a virtual conference before, but I’m expecting to be blessed by the speakers that will share over the next four weeks. If you are the wife of a preacher/pastor or a woman in any type of ministry, you should register for this FREE conference. The road trip that I want to take in September to Oklahoma is also hosted by L&LI (PB and I are still in negotiations about getting me there!). Imagine that! I WANT to go hang out with other PW’s for three days, and I’m excited about it!

Okay, I got off-course just a little, but my point was to tell you to enjoy being the FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made person that God created you to be!

You are well ahead of the game. It took me almost 50 years to get to the place where what others thoughts didn’t leave me in knots. I might have gone to the extreme now. I used to have to look perfect all the time, hair done, high heels and hose and now, hair is in a pony tail almost everyday.

Be who you are as long as you are happy. I like a real preacher’s wife, one who has an identity apart from her husband. One who doesn’t call her husband “Pastor”.

My sister, who is also a PW, had another PW advise her to call her husband “Pastor” when they were in public! I could not believe that! I think my mouth would’ve dropped open in shock! I still have my moments of wanting to make sure I look nice or appropriate for the occasion, but it’s not overwhelming anymore…and ponytails are our friends!! Thank you so much for sharing!

Wonderfully said. I’ve always viewed you exactly as you described yourself. When criticisms were passed I always defended you. What you wear and how you dress shouldn’t matter. Neither should where you sit! The person you are speaks volumes and for those who didn’t get it, it’s their loss. I was sorry to see you leave EBC, but God knew best. I am happy that the Kays are happy!!! I’m glad to know and love the Kays. Years from now your students will remember the Mrs. Kay of Fridays. She’s the real teacher whose students love her because she’s the real deal. That professionally dressed teacher M-Th is loved as well, but they truly relate when you get down with them but still maintain your teacher authority. LOL. Miss you.

Love, love, LOVE this! You, too, are very FLY in your “nacho” shirt! I’m still trying to figure out who I am as a PW, too…most days I think I’ve got it, but today has been a very hard one. Your post helped end my day on a good note. 🙂 Still negotiating the details to get me to OKC, too…are you thinking of driving or flying? Maybe we could be roommates! I’d love to meet you in person…and cut the cost of the hotel in half!

Having a roommate is a great idea! I want to catch the early bird registration to keep that cost low as well. I’ll have to inbox you with my questions and to find out about any other financial issues that I haven’t thought about yet. I think one of the reasons I’m so excited is because I’ll get to meet you and the other ladies that I’ve connected with over the past year. I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough day, but it will get better and you will be stronger! 🙂