The Best 4 Ways to Approach Men

Imagine you’re out at a bar and you spot a guy you just have to know. You could bat your eyelashes and do your best attempt at telepathic communication to get him to come over (or try one of these more effective 4 ways to get a guy to approach you). Or, as commenter erincb87 pointed out for us, you could just approach him yourself, you modern woman you. I personally feel kind of shy about doing this, and I bet a lot of you do too, but it's time we all got over it and made a move!

Dating coach Adam LoDolce, who gave us the original tips for getting men to approach you, agrees that it’s cool for a woman to approach a man. In fact, it’s kind of a win-win, because he says “most men are terrified to approach unless they’re wasted drunk at a bar.” He claims that even a guy who has no problem giving an hour speech in front of 10,000 people is probably terrified at the thought of chatting up a random girl at a bar.

With that in mind, Adam recommends that women go ahead and be the initiators/icebreakers. For those who are afraid this will make you seem desperate and needy, Adam concurs that some men will think that....um, insecure man babies, and who needs that? Confident men will find it “unique, refreshing and sexy.” And the key to pulling it off without damaging men’s confidence is to initiate but not dominate the entire interaction. Adam’s recommended approach is an indirect initiation—i.e., no cheesy pickup lines or overly aggressive moves. Here are the four methods he recommends:

Method: Play the guessing game.Situation where it works: Next to each other at a bar.The approach line: “So, what are you drinking? Let me guess, Jack and Coke.”Why it works: Being playful is memorable.

Method: Be a ball buster.Situation where it works: A party where a group of guys is standing in the corner.The approach line: “Hey, what are you guys doing hiding back here?”Why it works: Teasing him with a playful vibe (and a smile) breaks the ice but makes it so you’re not coming on too strong.

Method: Get his opinion.Situation: In the produce aisle at the grocery store.The approach line: “Hey, I’m cooking up a stir fry tonight. What do you think: baby corn or regular corn?”Why it works: Men (and all people, really) love to share their opinion. And be sure to ask a question like the above, rather than a simple yes/no question, so that you’re engaging in a discussion of your opinions, even if it’s about something silly.

Method: Fall back on a classic standby.Where it works: AnywhereThe approach line: “Hi, how are you?”Why it works: Because you’ll do it! It’s better to go with something simple and get it done, rather than overthink it and walk away empty handed.

Feeling inspired to test out one of these approaches? I hope so. Feeling nervous and shy still? Here are three of Adam's tips to help give you a push:

Socially warm up by working the room. Like stretching before a workout, give your brain time to get in the social flow when you spot a guy you want to talk to. Walk around the room, chat up people who are unintimidating, and by the time you initiate conversation with the hot guy, you’ll be less nervous.

Smile. Smile. Smile! Body language and your general vibe are incredibly important. When you’re smiling and indicating your general happiness, you’re communicating that your life is fun and you want to bring fun people into it, and people will respond well to that.

Just go for it already! You wouldn’t want a guy creepily checking you out for twenty minutes instead of just coming up to you already, right? Right. And guys feel the same way. So don’t be a creeper: make eye contact, smile, and when he smiles back, make your move following the advice above.