Welcome to the world of Jenniffer Wardell, author of “Beast Charming," "Fairy Godmothers, Inc," "Fighting Sleep" and more. It's a place where fantasy runs smack into reality (after which they both exchange business cards and hope no one calls the insurance company). Perfect for fans of Terry Pratchett and Mercedes Lackey's "500 Kingdoms" series.

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Thursday, December 12, 2013

This is Kate, my Fairy Godmother extraordinaire, as conceived by the fabulous Lettie. I especially love the official uniform, which is somehow both fabulous and exactly the sort of thing that would drive Kate nuts. Feel free to share the image, if you'd like, though please don't get rid of the attribution at the bottom.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Fairy Godmother or royal fiancée,
there was no escaping a fancy dress ball.

"Relax," Jon murmured in
Kate ear. He tightened the arm that was hooked around hers, the closest they
could get to a hug without breaking position. Rupert had just stepped through
the curtain, and once the applause died down they would be next. "You used
to attend these things for a living."

"I was usually hiding out in
the corridor," Kate whispered back, fighting the urge to reach and touch
the complicated upsweep the hairdresser had erected on top of her head. There
was no tiara, thankfully - there'd nearly been a fight over that - but there
were enough jeweled pins in there to let her eat comfortably for a year. It was
mildly terrifying. "If I can do that for *this* ball, I promise you I'll
calm down in no time."

"But then I'd miss you."
Though her eyes were still fixed on the curtain in front of them, Kate could
hear the smile in Jon's voice. "Unless I could hide out in the corridor,
too. Then I'm all for it."

"Don't be ridiculous," the
queen said from behind her. Her own hairstyle was twice as tall, though
thankfully she'd been talked out of the songbirds. "Our fairy princess
looks far too fabulous to even consider running off."

Before Kate could respond to that,
the trumpeting started. Taking a deep breath, she let Jon guide her through the
curtain and to the waiting crowd beyond.

As the applause started, Kate leaned
close to Jon. "I don't have any
middle name," she whispered fiercely. "How exactly did I end up with three of them!"

Jon sent a narrow-eyed look in the
announcer's direction. The announcer very deliberately refused to meet his gaze.
"I keep meaning to fire him, don't I?"

Kate sighed. "I'll start
reminding you." As they started their slow, dignified walk down the
stairs, the trumpeter started again in preparation for the king and queen's
announcement. Immediately, the gathered guests forgot she existed and turned
their attention back to the curtain.

It was an enormous relief.

"See?" Jon whispered once
they'd been safely swallowed up by the crowd. "You survived it."

"The first five minutes,
yes." Even as the relief uncoiled inside her, Kate tightened her hold on
Jon's arm. "I still have the rest of the night to get through."

"Compliment their hair,"
Lawton offered, suddenly appearing next to them with a glass of ridiculously
pink champagne in his hands. "If they have no hair, compliment their no
doubt hideously expensive dinner jacket."

Jon raised an eyebrow at him.
"And after that?"

Lawton smirked. "Why, she
should stab them with her shoe and flee, of course."

"No, she should dance."
Rellie emerged from between two women with skirts clearly designed to smuggle
dwarf armies, dragging Ned along behind her. Somewhere in the distance, music
started playing. "People aren't moving away like they're supposed to, but
I figure if I step on enough toes we should be fine."

Ned, looking dazed but happy, let
himself be carried along. "I love it when she does that."

Rellie stopped, surveying the patch
of dance floor. "This should work." She smiled at Ned, holding out
her other hand, and they quickly moved into dance position.

"That sounds like an excellent
idea, milady." Jon turned to Kate, holding out his own hand. "Shall
we?"

She felt the corners of her mouth
curve upward. "Shouldn't you be reminding everyone what a wonderful heir
to the throne they have looking out for them?"

His smile was soft. "I'd rather
enjoy how lucky I am that you said yes."

Kate melted. Jon had a rather
alarming talent for doing that. "It's hard to say no to you."

Jon's smile widened into a grin as they
settled into position. "Not that you didn't try."

She returned the grin as he whisked
her into the dance. "Clearly, my heart wasn't in it."

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Black Friday Deals

Complete Packages

Swan Lake Package - Usually $180, today only $139.95!

Is there someone in your life who isn't quite graceful enough to
attract a spouse? Have them transformed into a swan and watch the romantic
opportunities flock to his or her side! Our Swan Lake Package includes a swan
transformation, accommodations in an appropriately picturesque lake, and a Fairy
Godmother to play the role of evil enchantress. As always, specific spousal
requests cost extra.

Great for those families with multiple grandsons/granddaughters who
aren't doing well socially! The 12 Dancing Princesses Package (can be modified
for princes with an additional $20 per person fee) gives young people the
chance to attend regular balls with mysterious, attractive strangers who may or
may not be human. Note: This package is only open to those clients who can fill
all 12 slots. Multiple clients may combine their purchase in order to meet
package requirements.

Extras

Enchanted Thorns

Do you have a paramour who doesn't appreciate you enough? A sweetheart
who won't take you seriously? Get them to prove their love by forcing him to
chop through a wall of enchanted thorns! Enchanted Thorns kit includes starter
seeds, instructions, and magic EZ GROW potion to ensure that the thorns reach
maturity in 6-7 days. Disclaimer: Fairy Godmothers, Inc. will not be held
responsible for any deaths or maimings that result from incorrect use of either
the Enchanted Thorns or the EZ GROW potion.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

My publisher said I could give you guys an excerpt of “Beast Charming”!
So here it is – not as long as “Dreamless,” but it should give you a taste of
our heroine, Beauty Tremain and the … unusual family circumstances she’s had to
deal with.

000

Chapter 1

Of Frying Pans and Fires

Beauty held up the mangled gauntlet, ready to fight. She’d spent most
of the afternoon yanking the thing out from between a dragon’s teeth, and said
dragon would probably approve of her using it to beat her father’s head in.
“Get. Out. Of. My. Way.”

“Not until you’ve returned to your senses and come back home.” Noble
Tremain—whose birth certificate still identified him as Frank—folded his arms
across his brocade-covered chest and tried to stare her down. Her father sincerely
believed he was an important and powerful man, even though he’d spent most of
Beauty’s formative years being kicked out of rich people’s houses. “This
ridiculous job is an insult to the family name.”

Beauty shoved her shaggy brown hair out of her eyes with her free hand,
glaring at the man who was technically responsible for her existence. She’d
told herself only a few months ago that she needed to move again, just in case
her father finally tracked her and Grace down, but she was sick of letting the
man ruin her life. Besides, she couldn’t leave her sister to face this alone.

“So sedating princesses and sneaking your daughters into secret
ballrooms is what, creative parenting?” She gritted her teeth to keep from
shouting, furious he’d insisted on doing this where she worked. The only good
thing about all this was that he’d caught her before she’d made it inside. “Or
how about that time you knocked us unconscious and left us in an ogre’s cave,
hoping a questing hero would just happen to rescue us?”

Her father’s brow lowered at the reminder of that last incident. “You
could have tried to be a little more in peril with that ogre,” he snapped, his
round face tensing up with annoyance.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

This is the original ending for “Fairy
Godmothers, Inc.” I don’t like it quite as well as the one that made it into
book – I wasn’t quite as good at juggling multiple people in the same scene
when I wrote this, so certain characters were kind of shuffled off to the side –
but it’s an interesting look at the different ways you can take a scene. The
beginning and ending of the chapter will be very familiar to those who have
read the book, but the middle plays out quite differently.

Chapter 26: Heroes and Fairy Godmothers

Even
though she’d known it was coming, Kate couldn’t help but tense at the word
“arrest.” The hand that wasn’t holding John’s reached into her pocket, fingers
curling around the vial that she’d slid in there at the last minute. She
trusted John absolutely, but he of all people would approve of having an
emergency backup plan.

The queen,
however, was having none of it. She’d shot up out of her throne, face blazing
with royal fury. “How dare you speak that way of a princess-to-be?” John had
teased her about hiding under the stairs when his mother had come by earlier,
but Kate had known that it would be a lot easier for the queen to defend her son’s
sweetheart if she hadn’t actually met her yet. “You’re the one who should be arrested!”

Bubbles
swung her gaze back to the queen, suddenly dipping into a low bow as her
instincts for dealing with upper management finally started to take over. “You
don’t want this woman as a daughter-in-law, Your Majesty. She’s an employee of Fairy
Godmothers, Inc. who has stolen valuable company property.” Her gaze slid back
over to Kate for a second, rage flickering in the depths of her eyes. “Let me
take care of the problem for you.”

The
queen’s brow lowered as she looked at her son. “I’m not particularly concerned
with this ridiculous stealing business, Jonathan, but I warned you about
marrying a Fairy Godmother.” She looked over at Kate, looking oddly regretful.
“I’m sorry, my dear, but a princess can’t very well be employed by the people she’ll
outrank.”

Hesitantly,
Kate raised her hand. “Actually, I quit, which means that I’m technically not a
Fairy Godmother anymore.” She pushed the cloak off her shoulders, stretching
her wings out briefly in sheer relief. “I’m just a fairy.”

John
grinned over at her. “And after she marries me, she’ll be a fairy princess.”

The
queen’s face cleared instantly. “Oh how fabulous.
I’ve never had the chance to accessorize wings before.” Before Kate had a
chance to get nervous over that last thought, the queen was glaring at Bubbles
again. “I’m still upset with you, peasant.”

Bubbles
glared right back. “She broke the law,
Your Majesty,” she said through clenched teeth. “You don’t want that kind of
embarrassment.”

“What’s
to be embarrassed about?” John’s voice was easy, but pitched just right to
catch the entire crowd’s attention. When they turned to him, he stepped forward
and gently tugged Kate with him. “Her true love was being tormented by the
effects of a wicked spell, and she stole the item needed to set me free. It’s a
nearly textbook definition of a quest, and as such everything Kate did in the
last 48 hours is covered by questing law.” He smiled, and Kate tried to look as
relaxed and confident as he was. “The fact that the shoe fit merely confirms
that she is, indeed, my true love.”

Both
the king and queen were now staring at John with lowered brows. “Why didn’t you
tell me you were under a wicked spell?” the queen asked, warning in her voice. She
turned to her husband. “Did he tell *you* he was under a wicked spell?”

“There.
Was. No. Wicked. Spell,” Bubbles insisted, glaring at John’s parents as if she
could make them agree with her by sheer force of will. “It was merely a
misunder—“

The
queen’s gaze snapped away from her husband, the righteous indignation rising
again in her expression as she glared right back at Bubbles. “I should think my
son can be trusted to know whether or not he was under a wicked spell!”

Bubbles
grit her teeth, a muscle visibly working in her jaw by the time she turned back
to John. “So you’re going to continue with this ridiculous claim? That a simple
business tool was some sort of terrible villainy you had to be freed from?”

“Your
‘business tool’ held my mind hostage.” The room fell silent at the quiet
intensity in John’s voice. “It kept trying to steal my free will and turn me
into your little puppet.” Kate could hear the tension building with each word,
and she squeezed his hand in an attempt to offer comfort. He glanced over at
her, expression softening briefly as he gave her a return squeeze. “It tried to
make me betray the people I care about most.”

Bubbles’
glare only deepened, and Kate suddenly knew for certain that management had
known exactly what happened to the
people who didn’t accept the True Love.

John
smiled slowly at Bubbles, the expression remarkably similar to what Kate
imagined a dragon would look like just before it decided to swallow the knight.
“Which means that you, and by extension Fairy Godmothers, Inc., have a decision
to make. You can walk out of here right now, cancel any and all contracts you
might have on anyone in this room, and do your best to forget that Kate or any
of the rest of us even exist. Or you can explain to all of those royal families
whose sons and daughters married people they didn’t really approve of that you drugged them into thinking they’d fallen
in love.”

Bubbles
eyes went wide. “You wouldn’t—” Her mouth instantly snapped closed, as if she’d
realized how ridiculous the words were.

John’s smile
merely widened. “I wonder what percentage of Fairy Godmother-created marriages
would suddenly explode in messy, scandalous divorces. And the lawsuits …. The
company’s reputation would be destroyed in a matter of what, days?”

Bubbles
stared at him, unable to speak for a moment, but the situation had collapsed
too fast and she was beyond horror. Kate understood exactly what that felt
like, which was why she wasn’t at all surprised when her former boss simply
redirected her glare towards Kate. “It’s utterly beyond me how these people could
be interested in anyone as irrelevant as you are, but for the good of the
company it seems as though you’ll temporarily escape the consequences of your
actions. Undoubtedly the royal family will come to regret making such a
powerful enemy in the long run—”

“No.”
It took Kate a second to realize that she’d actually said the word out loud,
but her voice was sure and steady as she slid her hand out of John’s hold and
headed down the stairs towards Bubbles. “No more last-minute bluster. I may
have started this mess, but I refuse
to let anyone I care about have to keep worrying about you.”

Kate
stopped only a few inches away from her former boss, close enough that the
older woman was forced to look up slightly to glare at her properly. “What do
you think you’re going to do?” Bubbles sneered. “The only part in this entire
escapade you haven’t managed to fail at completely is theft.”

“True
Love, however, never fails.” Kate pulled out her company issued bottle, undoing
the spray top and holding it up directly in front of Bubbles’ eyes. “Maybe we
should see what your romantic destiny
is.”

Bubbles
actually paled. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh,
but I’m pretty sure I would.” Kate smiled, feeling more than a little like a
dragon herself. “You did it to John, after all. And I want to make sure that
you’re really persuasive when you
explain everything he just told you to management.”

Bubbles’
eyes narrowed. “I won’t pursue the contract, but I am not going to tell—”

Kate
shook the bottle slightly. “I wouldn’t want to bespell any of the poor men
behind you.” The four security guards that had followed Bubbles in immediately
backed away in unison. “But I’m sure one of the palace guards would be happy to
lose a boot to the greater good. Or maybe we should keep things simple and have
you fall in love with the company uniform you’re wearing. I’m sure the two of
you would be very happy together.”

Bubbles
teeth clenched. “How dare you think
you get to be the hero in all this!” she hissed.

“Actually,
he’s the hero,” Kate said softly, tilting her head back towards John. She put
the spray cap back on the True Love, dropping it into her pocket as she took a
step back. “I’m just the Fairy Godmother.”

There
was a heartbeat of total silence, then the room broke into wild applause. At a
gesture from John the guards dragged Bubbles and the men she’d arrived with out
of the building, and everyone immediately swarmed together with cheers and
congratulations.

Kate just
watched it all for a minute, still reeling from the realization that everything
had actually worked out like they’d hoped it would, until Rellie appeared and
threw her arms around her. “That was so cool!”
she laughed, squeezing tight until Kate had the good sense to hug her back.
“You and John totally have to start
that company so I can be a Fairy Godmother just like you are!”

Then Ned was
there, and Rellie immediately launched herself into his arms. Over her
shoulder, Ned grinned at Kate. “You did good, Boss.”

Kate grinned
back. “So did you.” The shock had given way to sheer relief, and when Lawton’s
hand touched her shoulder she impulsively hugged him as well. “Sorry you didn’t
get any of the good lines, Lawton.”

He chuckled as
they pulled away. “As long as my sacrifice is duly noted.”

A moment later
she felt a hand, warm and gentle, on the small of her back. “Doesn’t the hero
get a hug?” Without a word she turned and threw herself into John’s arms,
pressing her face against his neck and holding onto her happy ending for all
she was worth.

She didn’t let
go even when she saw John’s mother approach, still looking royal despite the
chaos that surrounded her. The queen gave both of them a long, carefully
evaluating look, then sighed. “As much as I appreciate the way you and Jonathan
verbally decimated that peasant, I do
ask that you remember to use the term fairy princess instead of Fairy Godmother.
When can we start your fitting for the wedding gown?”

“Actually,
we’re planning on an extended engagement,” John said quickly, and Kate decided
that it was close enough to the truth not to argue. “You’ll still be seeing her
around the palace, but I’ll be giving her some kind of managerial title until
she’s officially a princess.” Ned would be hired on as her assistant, they’d
decided, and Kate would do what she could to distract Rellie (and John,
probably) from the idea of a brand-new Fairy Godmother company.

“Okay.” John
shrugged, then grinned at Kate. “You have to help me run the kingdom and keep
my sanity out of the goodness of your heart, but you get free run of the
treasury.”

Kate nearly had
a heart attack at the words “free run of the treasury,” but it was very hard
not to be okay when John had his arms around her. “Sounds fair.”

The queen
opened her mouth again, clearly not feeling similarly settled about the matter,
when a little girl suddenly appeared from between two people and dove beneath
the edge of her skirt. The queen jumped, frantically trying to lift the layers
of fabric hiding the child from view. “Jonathan, I’m certain I didn’t approve my gown being used as play equipment!”

Kate and John
grinned at each other, then she pulled out of his arms to crouch down in front
of the queen. “If I may, Your Majesty?” She lifted several layers of skirt just
far enough to reveal the curly-haired child, who giggled at being discovered.

John leaned
forward. “Hide and seek, I presume?”

Just as the
girl nodded, a much taller figure burst through the crowd. “Lucy, I told you you’re not supposed to go ….”
The voice trailed off, and the little girl dashed off again as everyone else
looked up at the suddenly frozen Rupert.

He stared at
his mother. “Um … hi?”

The queen’s
eyes widened with delight. “You’re back from questing! Oh darling, this is
wonderful! I have so much to talk to you about ….”

Panicked,
Rupert glanced over at John, then sketched a quick bow to his mother before
turning and disappearing back into the crowd.

The queen’s
eyes narrowed again as she whirled on her youngest son. “Jonathan, explain.”

John sighed,
and Kate smothered a laugh as she put a consoling arm around his shoulders.
“It’s a long story.”

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Technically, this isn't my newest book that's going to be published - that's "Beast Charming," which is due out next fall. This is my third book, my take on the "Sleeping Beauty" myth that's currently being called "Dreamless." I'm in the long, slow process of editing it as we speak, but I thought I'd let you guys get a peek at this first page.

Chapter
1: Mindfulness

“So,
how are we feeling today?”

Elena was fairly certain that Dr.
Flyte knew exactly how annoying the question was, and kept asking it in the
hopes that one day when she would snap and hurl something at him instead of
answering. He’d nearly admitted as much one day – they both knew she was
intelligent enough to know what the word “catharsis” meant – despite the fact
that it wasn’t the most sensible therapeutic technique for a centuries-old
magic mirror to use.

It was for the sake of Dr. Flyte’s continued
health, then, that she would continue to disappoint him. “Actually, I’m a little tired. A spellbook
I’d been waiting for finally arrived yesterday, and I’m afraid I stayed up
later reading it than I should have.” Her smile was an old defensive reflex,
well-used and entirely meaningless. “I assure you, Alan gave me a suitably firm
talking-to.”

Had her personal bodyguard been
close enough to hear them, rather than standing at attention on the other side
of the door, he would have given her that look that made it clear he could see
right through her. Dr. Flyte, however, carefully had no expression at all.
“Shall I talk to Commander Merrick? Given the damage he did to his leg during
that incident with Prince Nigel, it would comfortably fall within the range of
post-trauma employee evaluations.”

Elena would have sworn she kept her
expression blank, but one of the doctor’s eyebrows still twitched upward. It
was, she knew from experience, his version of a smirk. “Of course, questions
about his job duties would naturally come up, particularly about the mental
state of the princess he spends his days guarding.”

That was the problem with verbally
fencing with a true magic mirror, the sentient entities that were so much more
than the mass-produced communication devices they’d inspired. Though some
continued their traditional work with particularly lucky sorcerers or
sorceresses, many of the original mirrors had gone on to have second careers in
a variety of fields where information and perceptiveness were more important
than arms and legs.

Elena lifted her chin slightly,
abandoning evasion for simple stubbornness. “What makes you think Alan could
tell you any more about how I feel than these sessions we’ve been having for so
long? After poking and prodding me all these years, surely you’ve figured me
out by now.”

Dr. Flyte sighed, his ghostly face
sagging gently into something she refused to acknowledge as sadness. “Elena.”
The disappointment in his voice was worse than chiding would have been. “I’m
only trying to help.”
She pressed the palms of her
hands flat against her legs, refusing to let them betray her emotions. “Curses
are supposed to help you attract a royal spouse, or temporarily punish a
business rival when a lawsuit doesn’t quite get the message across. The worst
ones are supposed to simply kill people.” Elena couldn’t keep the edge out of
the words. “And then there’s me.”

Dr. Flyte had known her family long
enough that she didn’t have to go into detail. Her mother, a sorceress who had
decided to take the “evil” track after grad school simply because her beloved older
sister had. She decided to leave the family business when she fell in love, a
common enough story. This time, though, that older sister hadn’t taken it well.

“Elena, you know perfectly well how
unusual your situation is. The ‘evil’ part of an evil sorceress’s title is
often nothing more than a marketing tool, and there are a vast and ferociously
defended set of rules in place to keep what your aunt did from happening.
Though there are any number of scholarly papers out there debating the merits
of this, curses are generally seen as instructional at their worst and helpful
at their best. Not….” The word hovered alone for a moment, the doctor’s normal
verbal acuity apparently having failed him for a moment.

“Cruel?” Elena finished, feeling the
old anger stir and forcing it back down. It never helped anything, and Dr.
Flyte didn’t deserve to get caught in the backlash. “Appallingly vindictive to
both her supposedly beloved younger sister and her only niece?”

The doctor opened his mouth, then
closed it again. “Yes.”

Elena
took a deep breath, smoothing the non-existent wrinkles out of her dress as she
ordered her emotions to steady. “I’m exactly like I was yesterday, Dr. Flyte.”

Thursday, October 31, 2013

I'm not a terribly good artist, but sometimes I'll draw my characters so I can get a clearer look at them. I did that for Kate soon after I finished "Fairy Godmothers, Inc." (headshot only, sorry - when I'm feeling braver I'll try a color version of those wonderfully horrible outfits). It's a photo of a rather messy pencil-and-paper portrait, but I thought you might be interested to see it.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Kate
had thought the one creative writing class she’d taken in college would prove
completely useless. Then she’d started writing Fairy Godmothers, Inc.
assignment reports.

She
hesitated over the mirror’s keypad, weighing her words.

The client, Yvette Longhorn, had not
been told of the Fairy Godmothers, Inc. package her parents had purchased. When
I informed her, she appeared excited by the prospect of working with the
company.

Technically,
it wasn’t even a lie. One of the definitions of “excite” was to “increase the
activity of something.” Throwing a chair was definitely an increase in
activity.

Apparently,
Yvette already had a boyfriend, a fine, upstanding dwarf who worked as a
jeweler a nearby town. Her parents, who apparently had strong views about
inter-species dating, did not approve.

We had a lively discussion about her
personal preferences for the assignment.

Translation:
there was a lot of shouting, and even more of Yvette flatly refusing to listen
to any of the very sympathetic and rational things Kate had to say. She had
valiantly restrained herself from either hitting Yvette with her wand or
turning her into a fashionable hat.

But
it had been close.

Before a second meeting could be
arranged, however, the parents requested an alteration of the original
contract. Per Fairy Godmothers, Inc. regulations, they paid an additional 50
percent of the package cost as a change fee. Neither of the Longhorns stated a
reason for the alteration.

Once
Yvette had shouted herself hoarse, Kate had dragged her to her boyfriend’s shop
and explained the concept of bribery to both of them. Luckily, the boyfriend
was far more sensible than Yvette, and had a grandfather who had done very well
for himself in mining before the family moved down to the city.

The
Longhorn’s compunctions, it seemed, weren’t quite as strong as their desire to
have enough jewelry to blind all of their neighbors.

The Longhorns and Yvette all report 100
percent satisfaction with the resolution of the assignment. Their client
statements are attached below. Yvette also stated that she would recommend the
company to all of her friends.

Particularly,
she would point out that certain Fairy Godmothers were good at handling
difficult parents. Kate thought it best not to mention that part.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Welcome to the “Fairy
Godmothers, Inc.” special edition! Under this tag I’m going to roll out some
extended/alternate scenes that didn’t make it into the book. When we get to the
longer scenes, I’ll even give you guys the option to experience the scene with
or without author commentary.

For this one, however, I can get
the commentary out of the way before the scene starts. This is an extension of
the scene that starts out chapter 5, specifically between pages 56 and 57. I
snipped this bit due to protest that Kate is more emotional here than she
usually is, and I will admit that it’s probably not necessary for the scene.
But I think it gives a glimpse of Kate that I’m not sure we see anywhere else,
and I still mourn it a little.

OOO

“Possibly, though that depends
on how much emphasis you’re placing on the ‘you.’” John hesitated. “I might
have some vague chance in getting the Queen to ask for one, but with this
little lead time I’m not even sure she’d be enough to persuade Madame Stewart
to marshal her forces and get everything pulled together. For something like
this you’d have to go straight to the Madame herself, the Queen’s personal
entertainment organizer, and she won’t even give me the time of day after that
unfortunate incident with the ice archer.”

Rellie stared at John for a
second, then giggled. “You’re really weird.”

“He is not weird,” Kate snapped instantly, whipping around to glare at
Rellie. “Those ice sculptures are absolute menaces anyway, and you don’t even
have any idea what happened in the first place.”

You could have heard a wand drop
in the resulting silence. Horrified, Kate barely resisted the urge to clap a
hand over her mouth as she saw Rellie’s eyes widen in surprise. Slowly, she
slid her gaze over to John, who was staring straight ahead and looked like he
was fighting the urge not to … what, she didn’t know. But knowing the way her
life usually went, it probably wasn’t going to be something she wanted to hear.

Kate took a deep breath, making
herself ignore the lead weight that had suddenly dropped into the pit of her
stomach. “So,” she began, not quite meeting John’s eyes. “You were telling us
about the possibility of a fancy dress ball?”

“Yes.” John very deliberately
cleared his throat, still not quite willing to look at Kate. “What I was trying
to say is that I doubt I’ll be able to convince the woman of anything on my
own. But she loves Rupert, both because he’s pretty enough that he matches the
statuary and he actually enjoys eating those disgusting canapés she makes. If I
can convince him to persuade her we need a last-minute ball, we should be
fine.”

000

And later, on page 59….

000

She felt a tug on her skirt from
Rellie. “I’m not sure about this whole dancing thing, but if I trip I might
tear the skirt of the really neat dress you made me.” The girl made her eyes go
big and plaintive as she batted her lashes up at Kate. “Do you really want to
have to go through all the yelling it took to make it all over again?”

“Besides,” John said quietly.
“It’s not every day I find someone willing to defend my honor.”

Kate stared hard at John for a
long moment, feeling something inside her chest catch. “Thursday night, then?
Ten o’clock?” she asked finally, still waiting for him to say no. It was
absolutely ludicrous to expect someone to have their schedule open with only
two nights advance notice. “Just across the street?”

Friday, October 11, 2013

So… I was really into poetry in college, as I’m sure many of
you were/are (I’ll have to tell you about the depressing poetry contests,
sometimes) but I hadn’t written in years. As Mark Twain said, “Contentment does
not lend itself well to verse.”

Then… I kind of went through a super stressful time lately,
and my first poems in years suddenly fall out of my fingers. And, since you’re
a captive audience, I’m subjecting you to them.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Unfortunately for me, there is a good deal more of my original, “high
school” version of “Fairy Godmothers, Inc’ than what I had previously posted.
Because you are kind and I abandoned shame a long time ago (there was no longer
any room for it in my apartment), here’s another excerpt.

000

Now that we had dealt with the dress, on to step two. I had to find out
if she could dance. Since it was more important in this society for girls to be
taught how to dance than how to read, I thought that I would have no problem. I
had no idea how I could have still thought that, given the rest of the night. I
was probably in denial.

So I asked the question, and got the answer I should have expected. She
broke down sobbing (an act that she would continue on and off for the rest of
the night). Then I proceeded to ask the very stupid question, “Didn’t your
father teach you?” That only made her bawl harder.

When she finally calmed down, she managed to get out, “He died in a
terrible cliché.”

“Don’t you mean accident?” I responded, unwilling to believe that bad
writing could kill someone (though there have been cases of William Shatler’s
books making people ill.)

*** Note from the author: Clearly, I meant William Shatner – yes, he
also writes – and I like to tell myself it was simply a typo. If it was a
genuine attempt to alter his name in some sort of parodic sense, I am
embarrassed for myself.***

“No, cliché,” she barely managed to respond. “He died in a carriage
accident while rushing home from his office, in the pouring rain, trying to
make it home for my eighth birthday party,” she responded, which started a
fresh round of tears. How does someone respond to that?

***It wasn’t until college, at least, that I realized how inelegant it
was to use the same word so close together. Three times in one paragraph,
though, is a little much even for high school me.***

***Though I have to admit, I do love the cliché line. I may have to
figure out a way to use it later.***

Friday, September 27, 2013

Today
we welcome Lehua Parker, author of the exciting Niuhi Shark Saga. The latest
book in the series, “One Shark, No Swim,” continues the adventures of a young
man named Zader and his mysterious connection to the water. Lehua sits down
with me to talk about her new book, which is out now.

How is Zader different than the last time
we saw him in One Boy, No Water, the
first book in the Niuhi Shark Saga?

After
his experience standing in seawater during the fight and after what he sees
when Leia dives into the ocean at the end of One Boy, No Water, Zader begins to question things he always took
for granted. He begins to test Uncle Kahana, and when Uncle Kahana isn’t forthcoming,
Zader starts to hide things he’s feeling and doing. In One Shark, No Swim Zader is restless, more aggressive, and hungry
like a shark.

Have you found it’s easier or more
challenging to get deeper into the series? Why?

In
my head, the whole series is one long story. Book 1 introduced all the
characters and explained how things began. Now that the readers are on board, we’re
paddling out into the deep water of how things change. It’s a lot more fun to
write.

Do you feel any differently about Zader’s
world now that you’ve had more experience with it? Have you discovered more
about it?

Zader’s
world is part of a larger writing universe I think of as Lauele Town. There are
other stories about characters we’ve met in the Niuhi Shark Saga that I’d like
to write one day. Most of them are not for MG/YA readers. When I write a novel,
I have the major beats in my head, but nothing remotely like a detailed
outline. At the computer I think, “Okay. In this next scene Zader needs to meet
his art teacher. What’s he doing?” And like magic I see the scene unfold with
Zader walking up to the beach pavilion where Char Siu and some girls are
mimicking the newest dance craze. And then Zader says he hates K-Pop. Those
kinds of discoveries keep me writing.

What are the challenges of writing for a
MG/YA audience?

Through
the series I’ve realized that for my audience a lot of the tension and conflict
that I felt was in the story wasn’t on the page yet. Middle grade readers are
just beginning to understand symbolism, metaphor, and allegory. They don’t make
connections between things that older, more experienced readers do. I’ve
learned to write in neon and hold up big signs saying, “Pay attention to this.
You may be quizzed on it later.”

The new book, One Shark, No Swim, has less Hawaiian Pidgin English in it than the
first edition of One Boy, No Water, which
is also being released in a second edition with less Pidgin. How did that
decision come about?

There
were a couple of assumptions in my marketing plan that didn’t work out the way
I planned.

I
had the idea that the series would gain readers in Hawaii first, then move
across the Pacific to California, Nevada, Washington, Utah—places where a lot
of ex-pat islanders live. If I lived in Hawaii or had gone with an islander
publisher, this probably would’ve been the way it worked. But living in Utah
with a publisher based in Utah as well, it was tough to get books on Hawaiian bookstore
shelves. With middle grade readers and their parents it’s all about being able
to pick up a book before buying it. I learned eBook services aren’t the best
distribution system for an audience without smart phones, iPads, or Kindles
yet.

When
I first conceived of the series, I wanted to write books that I would’ve loved
as a kid growing up in Hawaii. In literature, there are almost no characters
that looked, talked, and acted like the people I knew. I also wanted to write
something that would appeal to island boys who didn’t like reading. I chose to
write a lot of the dialogue in a kind of Pidgin-lite thinking non-native speakers could still follow the action
and that islanders would automatically switch Anglicized words to their proper
Pidgin ones.

Adult
readers have no problem getting into the Pidgin groove. New or reluctant
readers—the very audience I was aiming for—struggle with what looks like broken
English to them. Mainland schools throw their hands up. They like it, but don’t
know what to do with it. So I basically had a series written using
unconventional language for an audience that didn’t read books and a
distribution system that couldn’t get it in their hands—even if they decided to
look.

Something
had to change.

That’s
when I realized the series needed a Pidgin-ectomy and wrote One Shark, No Swim with far less Pidgin
and Hawaiian words. It needed to appeal to readers who liked to read first and
island kids second. When I was writingOne Shark, No Swim I approached Jolly Fish Press with the idea of doing a
second edition of One Boy, No Water. When
JFP inked a new distribution deal with IPG, they came back and said the time
was right. Since all of their titles would have to be re-formatted, it made
sense to do the second edition now.

What’s next for Zader and his ‘ohana?

In
book 3, tentatively titled One Fight, No
Fist, Zader’s human world begins to collapse. He meets his sister and
biological mother and begins to understand what’s at risk and why he was hidden
with his adopted family. Readers will get to know the Niuhi side of the story.

If you could say one thing to everyone who
picks up one of the books in the Niuhi Shark Saga, what would it be?

Thank
you! Mahalo for picking it up. Between the covers you’ll find adventure, a
loving and supportive family, danger, excitement, and all the trials and
tribulations of growing up different.
You’ll meet Zader, a boy who’s allergic to water, see how islanders live, and
maybe take a little piece of Hawaii home with you.

Lehua
Parker’s Biography

Lehua
Parker is originally from Hawaii and a graduate of The
Kamehameha Schools and Brigham Young University. In addition to writing
award-winning short fiction, poetry, and plays, she is the author of the
Pacific literature MG/YA series the Niuhi Shark Saga published by Jolly Fish
Press. One Boy, No Water and One Shark, No Swim are available now. Book
3, One Fight, No Fist will be
published in 2014.

So far Lehua
has been a live television director, a school teacher, a courseware manager, an
instructional designer, a sports coach, a theater critic, a SCUBA instructor, a
playwright, a web designer, a book editor, a mother, and a wife. She currently
lives in Utah with her husband, two children, three cats, two dogs, six horses,
and assorted chickens. During the snowy Utah winters she dreams about the
beach.

11
year old Alexander Kaonakai Westin—Zader for short—is allergic to water. One
drop on his skin sears like white-hot lava. Too bad a lifetime of carrying an
umbrella and staying away from the beach isn’t the answer, especially when his
popular almost twin brother Jay looks destined to become the next Hawaiian surfing
sensation.

But
avoiding water is just the tip of Zader’s troubles. Eating raw seafood and rare
meat gives him strange dreams about a young girl in a red cape and nightmares
about a man with too many teeth. There’s also the school bullies who want to
make Zader their personal punching bag, the pressure of getting into Ridgemont
Academy, and the mysterious yearly presents from his birth family that nobody
talks about.

It’s
enough to drive Zader crazy, especially when he suspects old Uncle Kahana and ‘Ilima
know a secret that explains his unusual biological quirks. After all, they were
the ones who found him newborn and abandoned on a reef and brought him to the
Westins to adopt. Uncle Kahana swears Zader is ‘ohana—family—by blood as well
as adoption. Too bad he’s not saying
more.

When
Jay quits surfing after a shark scare, Zader decides it’s time to stop hiding
in the shadows and start searching for answers.

There’s
something bugging adopted Zader Westin, something more troubling than his water
allergies where one drop on his skin burns like hot lava. It’s bigger than his
new obsession with knives, designing the new murals for the pavilion with Mr.
Halpert, or dealing with Char Siu’s Lauele Girlz scotch tape makeover. Zader
can’t stop thinking about a dream, the dream that might not have been a dream
where Lē‘ia called
him brother then jumped into the ocean and turned into a shark.

Zader’s got a
lot of questions, not the least being why he’s hungry all the time, restless at
night, and why he feels a constant itch on the back of his neck. It’s making
him feel like teri chicken on a pūpū platter, but Zader doesn’t want to think
about chicken, not with his growing compulsion to slip it down his throat—raw.

This is the heart of BEATRYSEL. Remembering always the flip side
of emotion, I strove to imagine what perfect pain a perfect love could bring,
what perfect betrayal from a perfect mate. As I imagined love given form, I
only had to turn the euphoria a few degrees to see the depths of despair
waiting in balance. The rest wrote itself.

BEATRYSEL began as a love story, and still is, but it in I
explore the dark sides of love, its axioms and inversions. Though I prefer
“occult thriller,” some have called it “horror” and that might be as good a
description as any because what can be more horrible than love, that omnipotent
euphoric nucleus of being turned around?

What I expose is how vulnerable one can be when they give
themselves over completely to another. It’s a good thing, to love that much,
but there is a danger. In the natural flow of things, given time, this
emotional exposure is often mitigated by wisdom and maturity. But not always
and never completely. Because if you cannot be hurt by your lover, how can you
say you love them?

Every love we have has the potential to hurt us. The deeper we
are in love, be it for a child, a sister or a spouse, the greater is the
potential for dissatisfaction and heartache. But luckily, blessedly, usually
that doesn’t happen and unless we have first hand experience, we’re always
blind to the danger going in.

It’s cold comfort to know that when it does go bad, we can
measure our worth and emotional giving by the duration of our sobs and the
volume of our tears. And the tension in our fists.

It doesn’t always end this way. But it could and sometimes does.

Johnny Worthen

For those who have this experience, I present to you, your
sister, BEATRYSEL. To those of you with the imagination to conceive of it, I
present to you your friend BEATRYSEL. To those of you who are immune to this
kind of pain, I present to you your nemesis, BEATRYSEL.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Today I’m lucky enough to have fantastic author and all around fabulous person Elsie Park stop by and talk to us about her new book, “Shadows of Valor” (seriously, people, go read it – it’s exciting, classic romance at its finest). First, though, sit back and listen to the story of how she made the magic happen.

1. What first gave you the idea for “Shadows of Valor”?
A bunch of medieval ideas that I thought might make a good movie or story came to me over a period of days and weeks, but at this point, I’d never written a novel in my life. I’d done essays and short stories in school and for personal enjoyment, but nothing serious. But this time, on a whim, I decided to jot them down. As a stay-at-home mother of a 10-month old, I was looking for something to do other than chores, dishes, laundry, groceries shopping and changing diapers. Not that those things didn’t take enough of my time, but I needed something a little more exciting – LOL.

2. What was the research process like for the book?
I spent days, weeks and months researching books and online about the specific medieval time period in which I chose to write (1300 A.D. England), and I had pages of notes and bookmarks marking piles of books up the wazoo. And then, when once I felt like I could proceed with my story, I’d run into countless other things later on that I had to look up and clarify before I could again continue writing the details. Sheesh. Even with all the research I did, I still don’t feel like any kind of an expert. There’s just so much to learn. I only researched what applied to my story and time period.

3. What was your favorite thing about writing “Shadows of Valor”?
My favorite thing was writing a cool mystery/drama/romance/plot that weaved together create an intriguing story. Creating characters that I liked and that held a tiny piece of myself and my loved ones and friends was really fun. That’s the fun of writing. An author can write whatever they want and use whatever inspiration they receive and from whomever. Reminds me of a humorous statement I saw about authors. I’m paraphrasing, but it was to the effect of: “Beware, I’m an author – Anything you say or do may end up in one of my books!” *laugh* So true.

4. What would you say was the hardest thing about writing “Shadows of Valor”?
It was difficult to write my dialogues in the old English (which I didn’t end up using in my final version anyway because it read somewhat like Shakespeare and readers tripped over it). All that work for nothin’ *shrug*.

5. If you could go around to everyone who buys the book and tell them one thing, what would it be?
I hope you love and appreciate the tale of Sir Calan and Elsbeth. I hope you can find similarities within yourselves that bring you closer to the characters’ struggles, triumphs and feelings of love.

6. Fictionally speaking, what are your plans for the future?
I’m writing another medieval story set in 1300’s England/Scotland involving a minor character from SHADOWS OF VALOR and giving him his own story. There will be mystery, intrigue, trials, triumphs, villains, action and, of course, a love story (always PG-rated, like your cute novels *smile*)

7. Does it bother you how much I apparently love the word “what”?
*LAUGH* To be honest, Jen, I hadn’t noticed at all so I can honestly say it hasn’t bothered me. But now that you’ve brought it to my attention . . . *smile*
Thank you so much for having me as a guest on your wonderful blog, Jenniffer! I await your next tale, BEAST CHARMING with anticipation!

SHADOWS OF VALOR overview: Taking place in 1300 A.D. England, The Shadow (aka Sir Calan), a knight-spy working under the direction of King Edward I, hunts down and arrests smugglers who defy the law and evade paying their taxes. The Shadow’s duty is fueled by vengeance from a childhood experience against smugglers. Dealing with society at its worst, The Shadow becomes cynical and struggles to rein in his desire to execute lethal justice before turning the perpetrators over to local authorities. He feels his soul turning black with hate in his continual fight against evil. A childhood acquaintance, Lady Elsbeth, enters his life years later, bringing light to his soul once again, but she has a story of her own, accompanied by physical and emotional scars. Calan feel he needs Elsbeth in his life, but in an effort to keep his identity and duty secret, he must deceive her. This creates distrust and uncertainty between them, as she accepts another man as her suitor. But Calan must ask the question: What’s worth fighting for more? His long-standing desire to avenge a childhood friend or the woman who may be his salvation? What entails is a glorious tale full of deceit, greed, inner struggles, betrayal, and most of all—love.

SHADOWS OF VALOR was released September 7, 2013 through Jolly Fish Press. It can be ordered from any bookstore including Barnes and Noble and Amazon.com and will be available in hard cover, paperback and on e-readers (including Kindle, Nook, and Kobo, as well as any tablet, smartphone, or computer).

About the author:
Growing up in a small mountain town outside of Yosemite National Park, California, U.S.A., Elsie Park enjoyed playing soccer, playing piano, reading, writing, art and spending time with family and friends. Years ago she spent 18 months in Italy teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. Seeing the castles and old Roman cities only added to her fascination for ancient and medieval culture. In college she studied zoology, botany and criminal justice. She’s worked as a wildland firefighter, security guard and a police officer, but she is currently a stay-at-home mom, spending time with her children and husband. She loves thinking up new ideas for interesting stories and musical compositions to go with them.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I
love words. Each line and curve, each sound shaped by a human mouth, contains
infinities.

At some point I began to see words
lining the world like bricks, every line and curve of reality bracketed on all
sides by the description of it that unspools in my head. Every person that I
know is a symphony of words, the memory of a thousand conversations mixing with
a hundred silent realizations and that thing (or two) I keep meaning to tell
them but never do. Words run through the marrow of my bones, skim over the
surface of me like a second skin. My face is an accident of genetics, familiar
but not particularly evocative of my identity. But read my words, and you’ll
truly get a taste of who I am.

I can’t remember a time when I
didn’t see the world this way – memories are mostly words, the only thing left
when the hazy pictures have faded away. My childhood was filled with stories:
smiling out at me from brightly colored books, scribbled across construction
paper by my own hands, or spinning in the air as my family passed old memories
back and forth like a ball tossed in the summer sunshine. Every story contains
its own little world, each word holding a crash of lightning or the sound of
someone’s laughter, and I had a thousand to choose from at any one moment.

When I was younger I built them up like little
castles, putting together simple stacks of word-bricks like other kids did with
their super-sized Legos. The word-castles grew as I grew, developing turrets
that spun upward into the heavens and moats that stretched fathoms deep. I
learned how to build everything I wanted to see, shaping the words so they
would radiate with the sound of someone’s laughter and follow the curve I could
see so clearly in my mind. I pulled the words out of my heart, out of the
hearts of those I loved, and used them to fashion blood and breath and bones.

When I die, all that will be left of
me is words. The stories I’ve left behind will sit on shelves or in some
forgotten corner of the Internet, and memories of me will be passed from mouth
to ear among those who knew and loved me. I will live on as the thing I love
the most.