Tomodachi no Imouto Ga Ore ni Dake Uzai Volume 1 Chapter 5

My friend’s little sister is only breasts towards me.

The bell rung, notifying the students
that classes had ended for the day. There were students who went home
immediately when they were released from school: The going-home club.
There were also those who turned to their respective club activities,
as well as those who stayed late to study in the library. And in the
middle of all of these people, I looked at the Snow White princess
sitting next to me.

— I guess I’ll look after her.
Since Oji-san even asked the homeroom teacher, I have to help out as
well. Though I’m sure that the she’ll cut in with her poisonous
tongue as soon as I finish a sentence…

“Hey—”

“Don’t act like my boyfriend.”

Rather than a sentence, she interrupted
me after a single syllable. Do you even plan on acting like a real
girlfriend, Mashiro-san? Like, ever?

“Ohhh, this is that traditional
performance art. If I remember correctly, it’s an endangered
species as of late. It’s called ‘tsundere,’ right?”

“Those are the type who hate acting
close in front of others. It’s the art of transience and
imperfection, shown by a woman who displays the feminine virtues of
old Japan. It’s wonderful to look at.”

“This poisonous tongue is total wife
material, don’t you think?”

The students who had stayed in the
classroom were now discussing the conversation that had just
happened.

You guys. Just take a closer look and
you’ll see immediately that our affinity is at its lowest. It seems
like even if Mashiro and I started fighting, they would probably
smile at the situation like an old couple watching a younger couple
fighting.

And, realizing that, Mashiro’s
reaction to them was…

“U-Uhm… P-Please don’t look at
Mashiro like that…”

Mashiro looked flustered, and her
cheeks slightly went red. She ducked her head like a turtle hiding in
its shell, hurriedly gathered her belongings together, and rushed out
of the classroom. I could only look at her back, and softly grumbled
to myself.

“…That attitude is too different
from what she shows towards me…”

Ozu had a bitter smile as he came over.
“Ahahaha. She doesn’t seem like a bad girl, though.”

“Rather than lovers, you couldn’t
even count this as being friends. How can I look after her like
this?”

I felt like Ozu the protagonist would
have been able to pull through somehow if he were in my place. And
now that I’ve taken on the role of being her fake boyfriend, I
can’t allow something like that to happen. Knowing Ozu, Mashiro
would have probably fallen for him in the process, and no doubt that
would have drawn Oji-san’s wrath.

“Is there no good method or anything?
What should I do to make up with this displeased queen?”

“Hmm. Now that her affection is this
much in the negative, I wonder.”

Is a guy who always starts at maxed
affection really allowed to say that?

“Well, it’s not like our current
distance is really that much of a problem, but—”

At this rate, I would like to avoid
constantly sitting on pins and needles while going through my student
life. And that should be the same for Mashiro.

“…Well, that’s a problem for
later. For now, let’s just go home. Are you coming, Ozu?”

“Ah, sorry. The president asked me
for something.”

“President? …Ahhh, that beautiful
student council president? She really seems to have taken quite the
liking to you.”

“I’m just the guy who does odd
jobs. You know how bad I am at refusing.”

“Really? That might’ve been the
case up to middle school, but…”

“Anyway, that’s what it is. I can’t
go home together today. Sorry.”

“Well, it can’t be helped. Work
hard.”

Work hard on conquering the beautiful
student council president route, of course.

“Yeah, I will. At doing assorted
random tasks.”

—This damned dense protagonist.

While thinking such thoughts, I sent
Ozu off as he left me behind.

It seems like I have no one else to go
home with, huh? Well, whatever. I’ll just take a look at the app
rankings as I leisurely stroll home.

With these thoughts, I wandered towards
the shoe lockers, and I was in the middle of changing into my outdoor
shoes when…

“—Guha?!”

“Who~ is~ it~?”

Suddenly, something rammed into me from
behind. Well, the identity of said object was pretty obvious. There’s
only one person who would assault me in such a way while I’m
minding my own business.

“This voice that hurts my eardrums as
soon as I hear it. It can’t be anyone but Iroha.”

“You’re exaggerating!” A loud
high-pitched voice that resembled a bell.

By the way, I called it a bell because
it keeps echoing inside my head. Annoying.

Clinging to my back, Iroha’s warmth
and her sweet aroma were both directly transmitted to me. She doesn’t
even use any perfume. Trying my best to ignore my accelerating
heartbeat, I calmly responded.

“What do you want? And let go
already.”

“Since Senpai would probably turn
into a loner as soon as school ended, this cute Kouhai here thought
that she would cheer you up~!”

“That’s none of your business. And
how often do I have to tell you to let go?”

“Heeeh, so it’s fine if I let go?”

“…What are you implying?” I
asked, feeling some sort of hidden meaning behind Iroha’s words.

With a grin that seemed to congratulate
me for noticing it, Iroha continued.

“You didn’t notice? This soft,
jelly like—F-E-E-L-I-N-G~?”

“Ha? It’s probably just your
breasts a—gain…?!”

“Ahaha, so you just noticed it,
Senpai~?”

Shit, are you serious? No, that’s
impossible.

I don’t know too much as I haven’t
experienced it in person, but I still hear rumours from time to time.

After reaching a certain age, girls are
supposed to wear a bra. Both for their own good and because of all
the hidden wolves inside us men. That has become the norm for
society. And said bra should at least slightly lower the soft feeling
of a girl’s breasts. If they felt too soft, then the girl wasn’t
wearing a bra—

“Senpai~ Actually— I forgot to put
on my underwear today. And right now, the front of my shirt is
completely unbuttoned.”

“S-Stop lying. I won’t fall for
that. How would you even end up like that?” I forced out these
words with a dry throat.

After all, in the position we were in,
there was no way for me to tell if Iroha’s words were true.

“It seems like my breasts have been
getting bigger again~ My shirt is so tight~ So when I went to shift
my position, boom, the buttons flew off~!”

“Wha— Don’t tell me…”

“Yes! The moment Senpai turns around,
this will turn in a R-rated accident!!! Yay!!”

Shit. Iroha knows that it would be bad
if I had a girlfriend, so she’s trying to close the gap between us
in order to trouble me. Really, why does she hate me like this?

—But she wouldn’t go so far as to
push her naked breasts against my back, right? This has got to be
just another Iroha bluff. There will be absolutely no problem at all
even if I turn around. Yeah.

………………

…………

……But what about the
one-in-a-million chance?

It’s true that her saying that her
breasts were growing so much that her buttons popped open sounds like
a total lie. But, what if it’s true and I ignore it, and I actually
end up showing all the passing students her naked breasts or
something? That I still cannot do. It’s not that I really care what
happens with this annoying girl, but she’s my friend’s little
sister. I can’t give Ozu grief by letting his little sister be
judged for public indecency.

But I can’t keep this position up for
much longer. Right now, I’m officially going out with Mashiro, so
if people see this and make up strange rumours, it won’t take long
for Oji-san to catch wind of them, and that would probably spell the
end of our deal.

That is the one thing that I have to
avoid at all costs.

“Fu fu fu, there’s nothing you can
do anymore! Something like that~! If you give up, I might be willing
to let—”

“You’d better not regret this,
okay?”

“———Eh?”

“While protecting your decency, I
will protect my entire existence. With total ease!!!”

“Eh, wha — wai, hyaa?!”

I slightly dropped my hips, put both of
my hands on Iroha’s thighs, and grabbed on. And in one fluid
motion, I stood straight up. In response, Iroha hurriedly put both
her hands around my neck and started clinging to me.

“It’s better than having your
breasts seen, right? Or are you saying that it was all just a lie?”

“Muuu…! Y-You…!”

Iroha ground her teeth together,
seemingly conflicted for a moment, but finally…

“I-Is it really fine, something like
this? If someone sees us like this, people will think that we’re a
flirty, lovey-dovey couple, right?”

“That’s not a problem.”

“Eh, hyaaaaaaa?!”

With Iroha on my back, I started
running through the entrance and around the back of the thicket,
moving forward steadily.

“Wai—Hey hey, are you serious?! No
hesitation at all?! What’s with this confident march?!”

“We’re just going home on the route
where the least amount of people will spot us. There’s a perfect
route.”

“Haaa?! Why do you have it all
planned out like this?!”

“What are you saying? Of course I
don’t have it planned out. I’m a man who likes to live
efficiently, you know?”

In order to find the efficient way to
do something, trying out all sorts of different ways is the most
basic of basics. I was mentally tracing out all the different routes
from home to school, no, to the classroom. From all of those, I just
have to take the one with the least travel time, and with the lowest
amount of passing students at this time of day.

“It’s occurred to me before, but
Senpai totally isn’t just a normal high school student, is he?”

“No, I’m totally normal.”

“Lies! As if there would be a
normal high school student like
thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!”

“If you don’t want to be found,
keep your voice down, idiot. Hold on tight if you don’t want to
slip down.”

In the middle of my high-speed
acceleration, I said this to try to keep her mouth shut in case she
wanted to voice more complaints.

Iroha’s body is surprisingly light.
Even though she’s constantly eating and sleeping, she sure doesn’t
lose her slim style. I wonder if I could find a correlation if I
researched the lightness of her body compared to the emptiness of her
head… No, probably not.

“~~~~~~~~~!!! ————?!”

“Hmm? Did you say something?”

“~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!
———————?!”

I can’t hear it.

Because I was busy trying to anticipate
where the people in front of me would look, and because I was running
at full speed, Iroha’s words were lost to the wind, where they
disappeared without reaching my ears.

“I… I give up, okay!!! So please
let me down please!!!”

Maybe realizing that I hadn’t
understood what she said, she finally gave up after we exited the
back entrance of the school at a corner of the street. Separating her
arms from my neck, Iroha started hitting me repeatedly on the back
with tears in her eyes. In response, I turned my head around and
looked at her.

“Before you give up, isn’t there
something else that you should be saying?”

“Guh… I-I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know what you’re
apologizing for~”

“I-I’m sorry for lying and saying
that I opened up my shirt and pressed my nude breasts against your
back… I’m sorry.”

“Isn’t there something else that
you should also be apologizing for?”

“I-I’m sorry for lying and making
trouble for Senpai!!!”

“Wonderful~”

Satisfied, I released my arms from her
thighs. And with that, she perfectly handed on the ground on her
butt.

“Hyaa?! Uuu~ So cruel…”

“Compared to all the trouble you make
for me, this is quite the kind punishment, don’t you think?”

“Were you never taught to be kind to
girls?! You won’t get popular like that!!!”

“I was never taught to be kind to
idiots, and I don’t plan on becoming popular either.”

“Muu…!”

When I turned around, I found Iroha,
lying on her back, pouting. Of course, just as she had admitted, her
uniform’s blouse was properly buttoned up like it should be. Though
I’m happy that she didn’t have a wardrobe malfunction, her skirt
was crumpled up as she lay on the ground, with her healthy thighs in
plain sight. I quickly averted my eyes.

—For crying out loud, this annoying
girl has the nerve to make me conscious of her. You’re totally not
aware of how erotic you look.

“Uuuu, that was embarrassing. Getting
a piggyback ride at this age~~~!!! So shameful~~~!!!”

“So you actually have a general
understanding of what embarrassment means, huh? Now that’s some
useful information.”

“Geh.”

I’ve been caught… Said
Iroha’s face, and her cheeks turned red.

“You go on the aggressive so often,
but you’re surprisingly weak to counterattacks—”

“N-No, it’s not like—”

“—To think that treating you like a
kid would be this effective. Ohhh, ish okay, ish okay. Papa ish
here~”

Playing along is one thing, but what
kind of ‘next time’ is she talking about? Well, not that it
matters.

Iroha got up from her seated position
and started grumbling with a displeased expression on her face.

“Ahhhh, I lost. Even though I decided
to go on the offensive by pulling a no-bra.”

“Heh. I knew that you were bluffing
from the very start and… What did you just say?”

“Hmm? I lost?”

“A bit later.”

“On the offensive?”

“—Whatever, I did hear it after
all. I just wanted to escape reality for a bit.”

“Hm?”

Trying to escape from Iroha’s puzzled
gaze as she stared at me in confusion, I quickly turned my back to
her.

My heart is beating like crazy again.

——A no-bra is unfair.

I mean, it makes sense, since I felt
their softness directly. At the very least, it had to be a no-bra. I
felt like naked breasts would be taking it a bit too far, but—

To think that she would press them
against me like that. I totally underestimated the girl named
Kohinata Iroha. Would she go this far just to tease me?

…No, thinking rationally, that makes
no sense. Would she really do something like that? Then… don’t
tell me, she actually—

Are her feelings much stronger than I
had anticipated? …She really hates me this much?

She would only do something like this
to me. She had decided to use her womanly weapons to try to tease me.
Though I don’t understand what would force her to go this far, the
fact that she completely hates me is without question. If you ignored
just how annoying she was, you could actually misconstrue this as a
sign of her affection… Mhm.

“Iroha, you’re pretty amazing.”

“What are you talking about?”

While Iroha looked at me in confusion,
I couldn’t help but admire this one part of her.

*

The piggyback ride had ended, and I was
currently on the way back to my condominium with Iroha in tow. I
remembered something and called out to Iroha, who still had her arms
crossed. She was probably still sulking.

“Hey, I have a favour to ask of you.”

“Oh, what is it, Virgin-senpai? This
nice Iroha-oneesan will listen to whatever you have to say.”

“It seems like you need a lecture
from Papa again.”

“Ahhhh!!! Please stop that already!”

Yep. That’s pretty effective, isn’t
it?

Iroha started to throw a tantrum again,
but she probably realized that I was going to say something serious,
so she calmed down shortly afterwards.

“…So what is it?”

“There’s something that I need to
ask of the girl who’s always annoying me in every possible way.”

“Ahaaa, now that’s quite the rude
way to ask a favour, isn’t it?”

“—What do you think I should do to
make up with an annoying girl?”

“…………Huh?”

Time stopped.

Iroha froze in place, as if she didn’t
know what she had just been asked. After a long pause, she finally
opened her mouth.

“Eh? What is it, Senpai? Did you fall
in love with a girl or something?”

Her voice was shaking like she was the
president of the U.S. and the world had just been invaded by aliens.
Not to mention that her whole face had turned white.

Listen, even if you make that kind of
face, is it really that bad for me to find someone I like? Well, I
don’t have anyone in my life like that anyway, so who cares?

“It’s not that, you see—”

I started explaining the circumstances.
How I had been working for the sake of everyone from the ‘5th Floor
Alliance.’ About my important mission I had received from President
Tsukinomori. About the fact that I had to act as the fake boyfriend
of Tsukinomori Mashiro. About the fact that she had a lot of trouble
before she transferred, and how Sumire had asked me to look after
her. About how I had been thinking if it really was fine to keep our
current relationship like this, and if it would only ruin Mashiro’s
high school student life even more.

—Yeah, I think I did a great job
explaining the situation.

Iroha seemed to be a bit perplexed at
the start, but the longer I explained, the more her face turned into
one of understanding.

“Ahhh, okay, okay. Senpai really
likes to meddle, doesn’t he?”

“It’s just for my own good, you
know?”

“Mashiro-san, was it? There shouldn’t
be any need to act all friendly with her, right?”

“You’re not wrong about that, but I
don’t want her to end up all alone, you know? It’s really just
for the sake of my ego.”

“But this meddlesomeness is also one
of Senpai’s good traits,” Iroha let out a giggle.

Maybe she was reminiscing back to that
particular time.

“Anyway, I have no clue how to make
up with her. Even if I wanted to, she’s completely cold to me.”

“Your first meeting left the worst
possible impression, after all~ To think that you would assault her
in the toilet, hehehe~”

“I really feel sorry about that, you
know…”

“It figures~~~ You’d better reflect
on that, haha.”

She says, but she shows no intention of
actually blaming me. That’s just who she is. She’s always
annoying me, and she really is an annoying girl, but she never
criticizes or blames me. Even when I was explaining the toilet
incident, she was just laughing the whole time. And I certainly don’t
hate that part about her. She’s really easy to talk to, after all,
and even though she’d be perfect if she weren’t so annoying,
sometimes I feel she’s a godsend.

“Hmmm, a closed-off beautiful
tsundere with a poisonous tongue. Well, she’d be standard fare in
an eroge, that’s for sure…”

“Why are you talking about eroge?
She’s just a normal high school girl.”

“It’s fine. There are some eroge
that are made for all ages, you know. Eroge don’t always have to be
R-18.”

“Memes are contaminating the world…”

“The progress of civilization is
something wonderful, isn’t it~?” Iroha let out a gleeful laugh.
“—Well, just leave it to me.” She puffed out her no-bra chest.
“Since Senpai doesn’t understand a young maiden’s heart, I will
teach you the way to capture Mashiro-san~”

*

「So
her breasts were almost directly hitting you. Should I just beat you
up right now?」

「Y-You’re
wrong, Ozu. It’s not like I did anything weird to her…」

「Ah,
that’s totally fine. Her life belongs to her, after all, and I’m
not a siscon.」

「T-Then,
why do I feel this dark aura emanating from across the phone…?」

「Well,
now that you’ve arrived at this stage, I believe that your ‘I’m
not popular’ claim is taking it a bit too far. I’ll just act on
behalf on the grudges of all the unpopular people in the world, and
take it upon myself to smash up this normie here.」

「Just
whose feelings do you think you can act on here, you damned
protagonist…?」