A man from Whitechapel in East London has changed his Facebook avatar to a picture of Roger Moore as ‘The Saint’ after noticing that the octagenarian star was looking a bit frail.

Jed Kelly, 58, told us: “I noticed Roger was looking a bit two bob on the telly the other day, so I’ve changed my avatar in case he pegs out at some point in the not too distant future. I mean to say, it pays to be on the safe side doesn’t it? I don’t want to get caught out like I was when Grizzly Adams snuffed it.”

Mr Kelly, unemployed, has changed his avatar to a pic of a dead celebrity 157 times since he opened his account in 2001. “I’ve paid my respects to the lot,” he told us. “Mr Spock, David Bowie, Lemmy out of Motorhead, Alan Rickman, you name it. I even commemorated the death of that dwarf bloke that used to live inside that Star Wars robot the other day. My missus couldn’t believe it”

Psychologists at The University of London have identified this relatively new phenomenon as a fairly widespread mental condition they have dubbed, “Soppy Daft Twat Syndrome”

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The Whitechapel Whelk

We are a small, but perfectly formed band of satirists and smudge artists. We neither drink nor smoke. Nor indeed, do we use profanity or indulge in the sinful pleasures of the flesh. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get down the pub before closing time for a few pints and half an ounce of Golden Virginia. Hopefully, I'll have enough cash left to visit the local rub 'n' tug shop later for a massage and a rattling good bunk up with a painted floozie.
All The Best.
Danny SoZ.
Editor-in-chief