Have you lived and worked overseas as an adult or accompanied your parents on international assignments as a child, and upon return to your home culture felt like you had “Come Home to a Strange Land” ?

Engage in thought provoking discussions with Dr. Paulette Bethel around issues of identity, transition, cultural fusion and repatriation to the place we call “home.”

October 01, 2007

Today, I had the opportunity to talk to a very old and dear Air Force buddy that I had lost contact with. No surprise that it only took us moments to enter into a flow of conversation that seemed to melt away the years.

Soon our conversation turned to what our current interests were and I began to talk to her about Third Culture Kids (TCKs). As soon as I explained what this concept was, she eagerly told me that she wanted to lnow where she could find more information, so that she could share it with her Adult TCK daughter.

This conversation really spoke to me about why I believe that this topic is vitally important. It also reinforced that there is still much work to be done in terms of educating employers, educators, parents and other organization that interact with and supports TCKs,

The good news is that we are now in a time when organizations are beginning to pay attention to what is needed to better understand the impacts of an internationally mobile lifestyle on children and their families.

I just watched this YouTube™ documentary related to this topic. Though striking painful and less than pleasant chords in some spots, and less than gender sensitive in others, I thought that it was well done and that much of what was presented was representative of the traditional TCK experience, especially for those kids, like my own, that grew up in this highly mobile, cross-cultural lifestyle of the military.

September 15, 2007

I am an avid fan of Dr. Robin Smith, a licensed psychologist and guest expert on Oprah and Friends™ Radio. I especially love it when Dr. Robin opens her show with a gem that she weaves from her own life that you just know is chocked full of empowering metaphors designed to inspire her listeners in meeting the challenges of their own daily living.

During one of Dr. Robins’ recent call-in shows, a guest phoned in to ask questions about her difficulties with choosing and settling on one career that she would love and be able to stick with. Dr Robin immediately goes into action asking skillfully worded questions designed to elicit information from her caller regarding her dreams and desires for a career and to pin-point the caller’s issues surrounding her career dilemma.

The caller struggled.

As the call progressed and the questions became more artful, the more the caller seemed to struggle with finding the answers.

There I was in the car listening to the show and thinking, “Is this young woman possibly a TCK?” At one point I found myself talking to the radio and animatedly saying, “Ask her questions about what her parents did for a living?”

I wanted to know! Was her Mother in the military? Was her father a missionary? Did she spend part of her developmental years living overseas? And then this magical moment happened… this 30-something caller shared that she typically goes through a 2-3 year cycle of changing jobs, primarily due to her no longer enjoying the job and no longer understanding, or even liking, the people that she works with!

Ahhh – there it is… Could it be possible? Is she a TCK? I lean forward in anxious anticipation….

To my utter disappointment, the call heads into a different direction and closes. This call ended with no real resolution for the caller with respect to her developing more insight and understanding about what might be happening for her… no questions that might have elicited a background that could account for her workforce wanderlust. I also noted that this was not a typical ending when listeners call into the show looking for answers to their concerns. Usually the conversation ends with the caller expressing some type of “aha” moment or at least the recognition that they have a better understanding og the situation that led them to call into the show. My felt sense was that, in this case, the caller had not found the resolution that she was hoping to find

Is it possible that the reason that Dr Robin Smith did not have her usual bull-eye hit when responding to the questions and concerns of her callers was because her caller was a TCK?

While this situation may certainly not have been the story of a TCK in crises, it did lead to my musing about how often helping professionals miss the opportunity to help TCKs who may be struggling with issues of unresolved grief, wanderlust and rootlessness, cultural identity, feelings of alienation, etc., because they do not even know to ask the right questions.

How often do teachers and school counselors miss the opportunity to learn that an underlying part of why a child may be isolating or appear aloof in the classroom is intricately connected to their lived experiences that stem from having spent several years outside of their home culture?

As I mentioned in a previous posting, Vicki Lambiri suggests 10 areas of research that she believes demands our attention and requires further study by and for the benefit of the intercultural community of academics, practitioners and consultants, as they serve the expatriate community. I would like to suggest one more area of research that I believe requires more attention.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I would like to propose that more research and increased awareness is needed within the counseling field for understanding the experiences of multi-mover families and impacts of growing up in cultures outside of their passport culture.

What would it mean if psychologists and counselors were to include questions that are designed to elicit this type of information designed, as part of their routine intake, when meeting new clients?

Given our increasing globalization, it might be prudent for the helping profession to consider that the possibility that their new client might be a TCK or ATCK.

How have you been affected by having spent part of your childhood or adolescent years abroad?

September 11, 2007

I still recall the day that an older co-worker came over to my desk where I worked as a newly promoted employee in the Sears Credit Department. In what seemed to be good-natured humor she said, “betwixt and between.” As she continued to chuckle, I curiously pondered what it was that she was saying. Was she making reference to my racially mixed background? If she was, indeed, poking fun at my identity, then I failed to see the funnier side of what she seemed to be so exquisitely enjoying.

Was it possible that she was making reference to my transitional phase of moving from adolescence to adulthood and landing my first real job? Or, perhaps, she was referring to my novice skill level, given that I had just moved up from being part-time salesclerk on the “flying squad” rotational unit to a full time credit department employee. As I continued to scrutinize her face for some glimmer of understanding, she continued to laugh, as she pointed to my hair. “Betwixt and between” she again declared. “That’s what I call my hair,” she said, still chuckling! “You and I have something in common!” Pointing to her hair in return,… I laughed. She was right!!

You might ask what does discussion about “betwixt and between” hair has to do with a blog about third culture kids and adults.

Where do I begin…

First, I have been pondering some of the comments that I have received from readers, both on this blog and in emails about mixed race and minority TCKs, as well as first hand experiences around issues connected to being a mixed ethnicity TCK. In addition to those of feelings of rootlessness or not quite fitting in that most TCKs typically know… that sense of not having a place that they call home … that feeling of being from nowhere and everywhere, for some, there often exists yet another layer of experiences that accompany living in an internationally mobile lifestyle.

TCKs who are from multiethnic backgrounds have an added sense of not belonging within a explicitly defined category. For example, there are no neat little boxes that can be checked off on an application… no space where he or she can connect from an aspect of a clearly categorized identity. There also a heightened struggle for acceptance for being just “who they are.” I will never forget my son’s frustrations when filling out his first job applications and experiencing feelings of the ambiguity of an identity that could not be characterized both from the perspective of being biracial and as a TCK born in and spending formative years in countries outside of the US.

A couple of months ago, I came across the most interesting discussion about liminality on Charles La Shure’s blog about his betwixt and between word of being a westerner living and working in Korea at Liminality: The Space In Between.

If most of you are like me, you have never heard of the term liminality, and most probably not associated with a discussion of being a Third Culture Adult or a Third Culture Kid. So for purposes of this discussion, I think that it would be best to start with providing a definition of liminality. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines liminality as: of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition; in-between; transitional. For a more detailed definition and historical explanation of this concept, see LaShure’s comprehensive discussion.

In this sense, TCKs could certainly identify with this state of liminality… existing in neither one culture nor the other space of being … betwixt and between …. the third culture. Certainly, TCKs of a mixed race background, especially those whose parents are from differing passport cultures might especially recognize the liminality of existing in “the space in-between.”

The other reason that I chose to open this blog by poking fun at my liminal, “betwixt and between” hair was because I wanted to introduce a lighter touch to open a dialog(ue) about a very serious topic that I believe will only grow, as we continue to experience massive demographic and societal changes that have been brought on by increasing globalization.

I'd be delighted to hear stories from my readers about what’s different and what’s the same for TCKs from a biracial/bicultural or multiethnic background and the usual experiences of other TCKs. What are some of the challenges that you believe you have faced that are different from the experiences of TCKs whose parents are of the same race, ethnicity or passport culture? What are some of the gifts that you believe you have developed as a result of your unique identity and place of liminality?

September 09, 2007

This weekend, I received the most wonderful note from the author of the book Spirit of Saint Valentine: An Expat's Tale of Love. Reading this note served as a wonderful reminder of why this topic is near and dear to my heart! This young author reaffirmed that there are challenges that accompany the benefits of this internationally mobile childhood. More importantly, Simens emphasized the significance of parents realizing that the readjustment that accompanies these moves can be difficult, and their role of "listening" is a very important part of making this adjustment easier.

I am going to add that I believe that it is important that all adults that are involved in the lives of TCKs, i.e., teachers... relatives... friends..., also practice the art of skillful listening to support their needs of TCKs. Equally vital to the growth and development of TCKs is acknowledgement and support of their gifts that often surface through their lived experiences. However, these gifts very often go unnoticed, especially once TCKS return to their home or passport culture.

Clearly, having written a novel about these experiences at this yearly life stage, is an example of the gifts that develop through this cross cultural childhood. I encourage you to check out Simens' book as soon as you get a chance.

July 05, 2007

Recently, I caught a few minutes of the 2007 Movie, Marco Polo. When I looked at the sets and backdrops of the movie, I was reminded of the beauty in different parts of China. As portrayed in this story, Marco Polo’s wanderlust began at a very early age. His adventures punctuates a long-standing penchant that many have experienced by trudging across mountains to chart new courses, and/or discover new lands and cultures. In the specific case of Marco Polo, his wanderlust resulted in the extension and in some cases the collapse of geographical boundaries throughout the world.

I, too, was bitten by the same travel bug that inspired Marco Polo. Ever since I can remember, I wanted to travel to new places -- to see the world. The prologue for my wanderlust, I am sure, began with a father who served in World War II in both the European and Pacific Theaters while serving in the US Navy. My raconteur Father often entertained me with tales of his travels while in the military as a young girl, and he continued to fascinate us with his tales of adventure until his last days on earth. Fueled by these stories, I began an early love affair with reading books that took me to faraway places and on journeys of adventures of the mind and heart. This passionate desire to see beyond the horizon started at a very early age. My earliest recollections involve traveling by bus around the city of New Orleans. Being the oldest of 10 kids, I was often tasked with running errands for my Mother on Saturday mornings. This was a job that I loved! It usually meant traveling by bus to get to these places. The best part of this trusted independence was that in the process of helping my mother, I was able to combine this responsibility with my love of exploration and discovery!

I very quickly and creatively learned how to pay one fare and then request transfer coupon that allowed me to take circuitous routes around the city. I would start from the outer east-end of the city where we lived, and take a bus that might route me around the Lake Ponchartrain area, or take me past the collections of elaborate marble tombs of the Metairie cemetery. A different route might require traveling past the above ground vaults in the famous St Louis cemeteries, where such luminaries as Marie LaVeau is reputedly buried. As the bus would lumber past, I was always mesmerized by the history and architectural elements of these cemeteries that are reminiscent of those on the outer edge of Paris. On most trips, I would make sure that I routed myself through the outer edge of the French Quarter and the Garden District. This was done by catching one of the historic the St Charles Streetcar.

I always loved it when my grandmother would come by our home (the local way of saying "visit"), and take me with her to visit my great-grandmother, who lived on the west bank of the city. This always meant that we got to catch the Algiers or Jackson Street ferry to cross the Mississippi River to the other side. Knowing how much I loved to explore and discover new and different things, my grandmother would often mix up the routes. This grandmotherly indulgence sometimes meant that this one hour trip would take up an entire morning or afternoon of travel before arriving at my great grandmother’s.

I was once asked if there are predictable antecedents that lead to one being bitten by the travel bug or surrendering to wanderlust. The anecdotal evidence seems to support this conjecture.

May 10, 2007

Today, I reminisced about different experiences of living overseas. But as many of us who have lived this expatriate lifestyle know, some of these experiences are not easy to explain to local friends and acquaintances. Often, telling our strories just causes their eyes to glaze over. What is even more likely is that this line of conversation just does not interest them. It is just not part of their daily existence. When we do find people who are genuinely interested in hearing our story, then we are allowed a few moments of being just who we are -- folks who have had a variety of interesting experiences in different parts of the world.

Affectionately, I thought about living in China and not looking like most of the people I encountered (Pollack & Van Reken Foreigner Box). I recalled being amused, as I watched a little old lady observing my very blonde-haired coworker, as we rode bicycles through the market. This old lady sat down on a curb and laughed uproariously while slapping her thigh at the sheer thought of my friend’s physical appearance. If I could have read her mind, I would bet that her thoughts went something like this: “In all of my life, I never thought that I would see with my own eyes, some one who looks like her!”

My thoughts moved on to my memories of living in a Muslim country and wearing outfits that were conservative, yet did not look like any of the clothing worn by most of the women around me. What’s more memorable was encountering some of these women in the course of doing my job and pleasantly having that “inner knowing” that they were optimistic and encouraged!

My career choices brought me to places on the opposite side of the world and provided me experiences that I could never imagined when I was a child growing up in New Orleans. Although I grew up around a lot of local diversity, my overseas sojourns introduced to new people from very different backgrounds. From them, I learned all kinds of new things. I visited places that most people in the US read about in books, and most important of all, I learned things about myself every step of the way. My TCK children were lucky enough experienced all of these things along with us, but I suspect that imagining these things as children was not quite the same as my childhood imagining, because, after all, they” lived” them as children!

There’s no denying the power of these experience and the impact that these, and many others, have had on my life. My question for my readers: What kind of effects did living an international lifestyle have on you?

May 09, 2007

Over the years, I have engaged in serious dialogs with those who believe that identity formation is set during our developmental and adolescent years, and therefore, cannot change. I am convinced, however, that with each repatriation experience upon returning from an overseas assignment, I experienced a perceptible shift in my identity – my sense of self. Don’t get me wrong, my “core” me is still there and intact.

Having formed a core identity under fairly “normative” developmental circumstances is what makes the experiences of TCAs distinctly different from the experiences of TCKs who spend their developmental years outside of their home or primary culture. Unlike the majority of their home culture peers, TCKs find themselves having the dual challenge of simultaneously living in a host culture environment, while mastering critical life cycle stages, especially their identity formation stage. I have certainly witnessed the joys and complications that a TCK lifestyle presented my children, as they experienced changing cultural milieus during their developmental stages of adolescence and pre-adolescence.

But what about Mom and Dad? Are they possibly dealing with similar dual challenges, while attempting to settle into their new environments? Can adults who have grown up in one primary cultural world before beginning international pilgrimages for the first time as adults go through an identity metamorphosis in conjunction with having lived in a cultural environment that is different from their primary culture? As a marriage and family therapist, I cannot help but ponder the effects of swirling change that exists around and within families during these international sojourns. I think that I will revisit these ponderations in a future post. Yep, I know that I also promised to continue the discussion on added factors for TCKs who are multiracial and/or are from a minority background. I haven’t forgotten!

There were times, in my sojourn between cultures, when that I felt as though I might be going through a second adolescence, as I tried to make sense of all of the new rules, struggled to figure out the “culture codes” of our host culture, and, at times, I acknowledged that I did not know the rules. On more than one occasion, I felt afraid that I might not ever learn or “get” the rules, especially in cultures that were vastly different from my traditional world. On the other hand, I loved being overseas, experiencing the differences and being challenged regarding my own paradigms regarding worldview. Each time, I came home a little different… a little changed… more informed…. and, I believe, better off through these experiences.

Although challenging, the process of identity changes as a result of overseas assignments, can also be a time of experimenting with these changes, as I choose to have a positive outlook and mindset about these inner changes that have taken place. Once I return to my home culture and settle into my new routine, I have the opportunity to survey those internal shifts, I can choose to embrace those shifts that I perceive to be conducive to my developing more of a global citizen mindset, or I can choose to integrate new patterns of being into my daily existence. “I still take my shoes off when I enter my home.” I love that I have chosen to hold close this adopted Asian custom!! I like it even more, since I recently discovered that this is a good practice if you, like me, are allergy challenged. Apparently, in that case “taking off your shoes before entering the house is a good thing!”

In what other ways might the challenges of transition into a new culture or reintegrating into your home culture might be an opportunity to embrace the benefits that comes with your expanded view of self?

May 06, 2007

My intention when I first decided to start this blog on global transitions, was to provide a place to capture my thoughts on the Third Culture Adult/ Third Culture Kid experience, and to provide a place for others to share their stories related to cultural crossings. I do believe that those of us whom have had these experiences are a true refection of the world that we are becoming -- Ted Ward's Prototype Citizens of the Future prophesy, and that we have a unique opportunity to offer information to others that is relevant and timely.

This afternoon, I was browsing through the Amazon.com website to look up information on a recommended book by Mary Pipher, Writing to Change the World. Through the courtesy of one of the reader reviews on the site, I encountered a quote from Pipher’s book, written by novelist James Baldwin:

"You write in order to change the world, knowing perfectly well that you probably can't, but also knowing that literature is indispensable to the world. ... The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even by a millimeter, the way people look at reality, then you can change it."

As I read this quote, I reflected upon some of the posts from readers on this blog, and recognized that in their sharing about their experiences, they had, in their own way, used the power of the pen (or in this case the keystroke) and their written words to embrace altering and changing the world, even by a millimeter, the way people look at reality.

In our process of engaging in an ongoing conversation about our lived experiences we have an opportunity to see the world in different ways and to discover new ways of interpreting the world around us …. and in some small way, contribute to changing it.

April 21, 2007

Iyabo, thank you for wonderful contribution, and most especially for your willingness to share with us your multi-dimensional background, as it relates to this discussion.

I agree with you that public figures and celebrities like Barack Obama, Tiger Woods and the new Miss USA, Rachel Renee Smith are helping to bring to the forefront of the media an increased awareness of third culture kids, and more specifically, the benefits and challenges of being biracial and/or bi-cultural TCKs. I loved it when my friend, Barbara Schaetti, recently exclaimed, "I get a kick out of this TCK/biracial/multinationally-influenced presence on the American stage!"

In my next post, I plan to open a discussion on the special issues for minority and biracial/multiracial TCAs/TCKs. I believe that it will be through discussions like this that we will better be able to increase our understandings about our similarities and differences in a way that is similar to your parents' outlook.

April 19, 2007

I just finished reading Lawrence Downes' New York Times editorial observations on Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, Barack Obama, Estranged in a Strange Land. If you have been following his campaign, then you have probably heard that Sen Obama is considered by many to be one of the fastest rising stars in U.S. politics. Some have even likened his new status to a celebrity image of political "Rock Star". In 2005, Time magazine named Obama one of the "worlds most influential people who shape our lives," and also called him "one of the most admired politicians in America". Sen. Obama also won a Grammy for the audio version of his 1995 memoir, Dreams from My Father, which spent one year on the New York Times bestseller list, and he was featured on the covers of Men's Vogue and Newsweek.

As a TCA and the mother of four TCKs, what I found even more exciting and notable about Obama's celebrity status on the political and world scene is that he is also one of the fastest rising adult TCKs!!

The first time that I heard about Sen Barack Obama was during a conversation a few years ago with my good friend, Ruth E. Van Reken. I still vividly recall that day, as she excitedly told me about this up and coming young politician from the Chicago area, and, that to her great pleasure, he was a TCK! Ruth added that, in her opinion, Obama represented our hope for the future, as was heralded by sociologist, Ted Ward in 1989, when he declared that TCKs were the "prototype citizens of the future".

It seems that in the case of Barack Obama, Ruth Van Reken and Ted Ward were right!!

In his memoir, Dreams from My Father, Obama shares that he was born in Honolulu, Hawaii. His father, an economist, was born in Kenya and his mother, a white American from Kansas, first met while they were students at the East-West Center at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents were divorced, and his mother, Ann Obama later married Lolo Sotero, another foreign student from Indonesia. In 1967, his family moved to Jakarta, where Obama attended local schools from ages six to 10. He then returned to Honolulu to live with his maternal grandparents while attending the Punahou Schoolfrom 5th grade through his graduation from high school in 1979. Obama clearly knew the emotional challenges of transitioning between cultures and growing up in strange lands and having experienced his own, at times painful, personal search for identity from the perspective of being a TCK, biracial, and a perpetual lifestyle as an insider/outsider.

In TCK's Come of Age, posted on the Transition Dynamics website of Dr Barbara Shaetti (an expatriate consultant and a bi-cultural TCK), intercultural consultant, Vicki Lambiri states that there are a number of TCK personalities that quite often appear in the media. She adds that interviews with well known TCKs abound, but the general public doesn't know it, since having an awareness and understanding of the TCK experiences has not quite "penetrated into the consciousness of mainstream American society or for that matter any society." She believes that as the TCK populations continues to grow, it is important that for the media and reporters to better understand "how to interpret the significance of the TCK childhood and its influence on adult behaviors."

Although a very good article and synopsis of his experiences, the Downes op-ed missed a wonderful opportunity to tie some of his observations about Sen Obama to his lived TCK experience and how it helped to inform his worldview. This lived TCK expereince, most likely has contributed to Obama's broad appeal and to his earning a reputation as an incredibly unifying figure.

I agree Vicki!

Barack Obama's growing media and global presence is a great example of why the time is now to spread the word to an even broader audience regarding the importance of the "third culture" experience and its influence on our globalized society!!