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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Ninety Nine

I was tempted to title this post "I've got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one." But I don't like to do my cussing in my titles because cussing is classy and should be saved for the meaningful body of the post. That, and I do most of my cussing on Facebook. And I don't sound cool like Jay-Z.

Ainsley is 99 days old today.

Or, day of life 99 as they say at the beginning of rounds. Which I miss nearly every day now that I'm back at work. But it's OK because I still have enough functional brain cells that I can manage to count to 100. After tomorrow, I'm not making any promises.

Has so many problems, I wouldn't be surprised if a bitch was one.

This girl can not win her way out of a paper bag. It's like one thing after another after another. She's off the vent but on vapotherm and oxygen. The newest thing is spinal stenosis. As a matter of fact, she is having surgery on Friday. On her spine.

Suspicious...
"You assholes want to do surgery on WHAT?"

It would be my pleasure to verbally crap all the details onto the Internet but I have no idea what the surgery entails and apparently the neurosurgeon (NEURO! SURGEON!) doesn't feel like it's all that important to call me. At all. Ever. He's probably all hey, let's just schedule it and these dumbasses will show up. (It's true, we will.) And we're all, whatever we are stoopid and easily intimidated by dokturs. (It's true, we are.)

Somebody fetch me Dr. Derek Shepherd!
And another diaper as I am totally ripe right about now!

The whole NICU song and dance is getting suuuuuuper old. I'm so exhausted that I swear to you, my hair hurts. My hair = totally hurty. I'm totally out of the loop on everything. I've had to stop getting my news from super reliable television sources (Stephen Colbert) and move toward more ridiculous radio sources (Howard Stern). I'm so fat. Seriously. I look at least 6 months pregnant. And I worked out on Monday but not since then because my body hurts and it's just so much easier being a fat lazy whore.

(I think you should know that when I'm saying whore in my mind right now, it sounds like Pauly from the Sopranos - Who-ore.)

(Why am I on a parentheses spree right now? Is it annoying? I bet it is.)

(I don't care that much Sorry.)

I did talk with the neonatologist and he thinks that this is the big issue that is causing all the little issues she's been dealing with. And apparently it can cause respiratory issues. I don't understand how and that's part of what I need to address with the NEURO! SURGEON!

Hey guess what! I have a two year old and I took her to the playground. Which pretty much proves that I'm a great mom. If that doesn't clinch it, I think the fact that I made an effort to cover her ankles with socks because she just grew out of ALL OF HER FREAKING PANTS IN ONE WEEK does clinch it. I like my toddler to be warm when I'm letting her climb up and go down the slide labeled ages 5-12.

Nostradamus Knepper: The Flood Is Coming!
Invest in socks!

I need to do a whole separate post to cover the cute that has developed at our house. Talking, dancing, complaining, learning. Age two is fun so far.

Making random conversation with this guy.
She freaking loved him.

I can't wait to have both of my girls at home. Already a quarter of Ainsley's first year is gone. We've got catching up to do.

I am sorry she is having more surgery and sorry bout the neurosurg- (this is very common)they work so much unfortunately tend to be very detached BUT man it sucks when its your baby and they won't talk to you. (I ma the former surg resident I posted before)I think Ainsley looks great though and I LOVE that pic with the suspicious title- so cute and perfect caption! and my toddler is ready for the flood, too and I refuse to buy new pants at this point but I am sure people think we are neglecting him (or too cheap ). Good luck to baby girl Friday and you hang in there. there will be a light at the end of this nightmare

I hope this surgery will fix all her problems, and she can come home soon. Her big sister obviously needs someone to talk to at length if she's trying to pick up strange men at the park. And little sisters are good for that sort of thing.

You and your family are in my prayers. My mom has the same and (I say this in the thought of being helpful) it caused her a lot of problems with just generally living, so I'm thinking that the doc who thought this might be the one big thing has a brain that works.

You are doing a wondeful job. I'm just getting caught up...I don't think you've gotten your g tube yet. Please please please don't let them send her home on the NG. It is a nightmare. My baby just got her g tube in today and I'm sitting in her hospital room now. I agonized for months and months and tried that damn NG at home. It is stressful, they pull it out, and it gets in the way if their eating. The g tube surgery wasnt bad (well, she is screaming in pain right now but she just had it done). If you have questions please ask me. I'm so sorry she has to have another surgery. You are doing a great job.

Also, do people actually buy pants for a toddler in April? I'm sure as heck not going to do it even though we definitely have a high wader issue here as well. Luckily my son wants to wear his boots (not the snow ones thankfully) all the time anyway and that covers a multitude of sins.

I'm so sorry to hear she's still there & I feel like a complete dumbass for leaving you all the cheery comments of "she'll be home before you know it!" & "32 weeks is great!". Seriously. Insert my big fat foot in my mouth now. I don't know how you have the strength to go on each day & I'm totally in awe of you (seriously, I hope your head explodes from all these words of your the bomb from me). Ainsley has got to the cutest thing ever. I'll be praying for this surgery to be the answer to everything. I know how badly you want her home with you. Sending hugs, prayers, & good breathing vibes for Ainsley your way!

P.S. totally proud you covered her feet & ankles with socks...total problem solver you are! She's a total cutie pie as well!

I fucking hate this for you. Seriously. Who the fuck does the neurosurgeon think he is? Well, you know other than a neurosurgeon... Sure doctors are right that we regular folk are stupid and will just do what they say, but holy shit they could at least pretend to give a fuck! And, cussing is totally classy.

I think about your Ainsley all the time (also, how nomable are those little thighs? gone are the bird legs!). Seriously, that little girl is getting loved up from people who've never seen more than a picture.

Olivia is too freaking cute. Those hot pink leggings are adorable, even if they are a little short. You could always just buy hot pink socks... cheaper than new pants.

Jen, Look down...no, not at the ground...in your hands. Are there clumps of hair in it? Your hair might hurt because you've been pulling it out. Which would be totally understandable because WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK!?! Life has been so unfair to little Ainsley so far. It's got to get better from here.

I just do not know how you do it. How do you do it?? My first son was in the NICU for 12 days and my third daughter was in for 2 measly days. Both times I was pissy and miserable and teetering on the edge of postpartum depression. Your strength just amazes me. It can't last forever though! Soon you will have both those little beauties home!--MM

Ugh x infinity for the utterly shitty hand Miss Anisley has been dealt and Yay x infinity for AMAZING Olivia because I am not certain she could get any more adorable. And I don't even know her. That is some killer adorable power, there.

I normally google the shit out of words, but I just can't figure out a solid way to tell you that I have no idea what you are going through but that I am thinking about your wonderful family every day. Because I don't, and I am.

You are in my prayers! I hope that she gets to come home soon. But in the meantime you should be so proud of yourself for all that you're doing right now, I couldn't even manage work, and a newborn who only spent a week in the special care nursery, I can't imagine having to do all that you do and keep it together. It wouldn't happen. So you should be proud of yourself! Stay strong. :)

My heart hurts for you. I've been reading too many bad news posts in your blog, I'm ready for some good news posts. I'm sure you are too. The power of the internet is pretty amazing, maybe all of us wishing for good news posts will help make it come true?

Oh my gosh, miss Ainsley, hoping this surgery is indeed the answer and that you get to come home soon. Olivia is adorable and I imagine it must be so hard moving back and forth between the hospital and home. I also hope that neuro takes the time of day to call you back. I've heard before that, as a class, they tend to have awful bedside manner, but come on, for the parents of a 99-day-old preemie in the NICU? Hang in there, as always, lots of warm thoughts and rooting for Ainsley.

Ainsley is looking stronger and extremely gorgeous and cuddly. I am so sorry that she's having to go through this and hope with every fibre of my being that this is the key to solving her lung problems.

You are amazing. You are all amazing. I don't know how you are still forming sentences but you made me laugh. Sending everything positive that I can. x

I agree...you are amazing..you and your sweet little Ainsley. I'm thinking of her today w/her surgery and hoping and praying all goes well and you can take your sweet baby home w/you asap. Love your blog & love your guts. Keep on woman!