Sasha Answers: My boyfriend won’t have sex with me

Sasha: my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and ever since I can remember he doesn't want sex. He doesn't initiate and if I do he rejects me, we've talked about it so many times, and the problem never gets solver. Our relationship is good in every other aspect. This subject makes so so sad, I don't know what to do, I love him but I don't think I can spend much more time like this. What to do? please help. M

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Sex problems are always tough for me because not only does talking about it make me mega uncomfortable, but it can be so complex in terms of the variables that come into play. Is he not attracted to you? Is there something you do that triggers the turn-off? Does he have some deep rooted insecurities? Does he have a physiological issue? Is he gay?

I mean, there could be so much going on and yet so little we have to work with. Listen, I’m obviously not a sex therapist here, so my advice is to definitely go see an expert about this. If you guys are going on a year and half and the dude doesn’t want to stick it in, then you’ve got to figure out why. It’s important for both of you to build up your sexual self-esteem again.

In the meantime, you can try and work on the intimacy between the two of you. Take the pressure off the actual deed of doing it and see if you can try and reconnect with simple things like cuddling and kissing with tongue and stuff. I know you’re cringing right now and trust me, I feel like I have bugs all over my back writing this, but it can work and it does work. I’ve had numerous friends who have been in a similar situation, and they literally had to throw their relationship back to old-school grade 7 styles to resuscitate their relationship. So M, it’s worth a try. Oh and to get you in the mood I leave you with my favorite summer song.