Somewhere, A Unicorn Is Crying: Too Faced Melted Latex

I just don’t know what to do with Too Faced Cosmetics anymore. They used to be a ride or die bitch, giving me fantastic products that I loved from the get go. Lately though, and suspiciously ever since they were sold off to cosmetics giant Estee Lauder Group, Too Faced has been really hit or miss with their products and even, as we’ll see in this post, with products within a specific launch or release.

Their summer release (including the Glitter Bomb palette, which I reviewed after a Sephora VIB Rouge preview gave me early-ish access) was a mixed bag of products that didn’t really have a coherent theme. There was glitter eye palette, some setting powder, a setting spray to complement their absolutely bomb Hangover Rx Primer, and a new variation on their Melted lines: Melted Latex. Now, when I first saw these promo-ed I wasn’t sure if these were supposed to be glosses or high shine lipsticks – and to tell you the truth, I’m still not sure and I now own 5 of them. The formula is fairly inconsistent from shade to shade: some are much more pigmented and live up to my expectations for a liquid lipstick, while others are more patchy and inconsistent and lean more toward a really pigmented gloss.

And since it’s summer time and hot AF out there, let’s take a quick moment in the shade: after Too Faced creator Jarrod Blandino threw some petty business at tarte with his “there are no unicorns in the Amazon” (referencing tarte’s Make Believe in Yourself collection and their signature Amazonian clay products), it was interesting that what was supposed to be the standout piece of the Melted Latex collection, a liquified version of their best-selling opalescent lipstick Unicorn Tears, wasn’t ready in time for the launch and still hasn’t been seen, or even been given a release date. I guess Unicorns aren’t found in the Amazon…or on the Too Faced production floor. Oh, the shade of it all!

I tried I’m Bossy on during a live Facebook broadcast and I was initially impressed: the red was absolutely stunning and the shine was everything. It was a little bit sticky, like when I used to buy the MAC Lip Glass back in the day, but it wasn’t so terrible I couldn’t imagine wearing it. As I talked throughout the broadcast (admittedly only about 30 minutes of wear, but with constant chit-chatting) I found that it wore pretty well. So things were looking good.

Unfortunately, the pigmentation on these is seriously inconsistent. In a weird twist, it’s actually the lighter shades that gave me much less problem than the darker shades.

Here are some hand swatches of all 5; I did my best to show off how beautiful that shine really is:

As you can see, starting from the bottom the swatches start really consistent and beautiful, and start getting sketchy in the middle, until the last one which is the worst. But I remained hopeful – swatching on your hand isn’t the same as painting a lip, right? I decided to do lip swatches as well. First of all, I did these without a lipliner and that was a damn shame – line your lips with these because they will bleed like Carrie at the prom. I also was trying to get an even coat and so the lip shape sometimes got a little wonky – part of that was me not being careful and trying to get even coverage more than finessing the shape, but part of it was that the product was a little tacky and hard to work with. Here they are in the order I swatched them:

Rated R

This painted on like a wet dream; if all of them had been like this, you would be reading a much different review! The color is even and consistent and stayed where I put it. These all have a tendency to collect around the edges a bit, but because the color is so consistent with this shade, you don’t really notice it. Gawd I love this color!

I’m Bossy

Ignore those damn whiskers – I did a shit job of shaving before taking these! This color was another stunner. It takes a little working to get everything totally even, but the shine is patent leather perfection and this is the sort of red that I really believe almost anyone can wear. It’s so lovely and rich, with maybe the slightest blue-tone but not enough that warmer skintones can’t make this devastating.

Bite Me

This is where things really start to go south: the color is mostly consistent, but the product that collects around the edges is a bit darker than the color is when it’s spread out on the lips. It’s a lovely color and perfect for warmer skintones, but definitely needs a liner to help tame the beast. I’d also recommend using the liner over the whole lip (or the out edges if you want a really subtle ombre) as this shade is not 100% opaque (which is what I would expect when something is billing itself as a lipstick rather than a lip gloss). Yeah I get it – there are sheer and semi-sheer lipsticks, but if you’re making a liquid formula but calling it a lipstick instead of a gloss, it better have some damn color payoff!

Can’t Touch This

This color is gorgeous (it’s so not the type of color I usually go for, but I’ve been embracing my inner Dark Lady – cue the Cher!), but it bled all over the place like a half-butchered hog. I kept trying and trying to get an even coat, but I just built up a ton of inconsistent product that made for a totally cringey pout. Big disappointment.

Bye Felicia

This is the shade that was the least lipstick-like – that’s a damn gloss if I’ve ever seen one! The color is patchy as fuck and immediately divides if you put your lips together (you know, when you’re like breathing or talking or doing those things you probably don’t do anyway so don’t worry about it…or whatever). I wouldn’t even attempt this without a liner underneath and over the whole lip because even the thicker parts were just barely opaque – this one is not anywhere near the other shades in terms of coverage.

I’m still going to pick up the Unicorn Tears shade when (if?!) it comes out, but overall I have to say that these are kind of a dud for me. Rated R and I’m Bossy with definitely stay in my stash, and I’ll probably keep Can’t Touch This and Bite Me to see if I can make something happen for some photo work, but Too Faced has once again been hit or miss – though to be this inconsistent within a small line of lipsticks is a new low for this once fantastic brand. I’m not sure what Estee Lauder has been doing since they took over, but they need to get their shit together and let Too Faced get back to being a reliable brand with on-trend products. Too many more jank releases like this and the brand won’t be known for Unicorn Tears so much as for Unicorn –