It shouldn't be so hard to say you're sorry

You know we're living in interesting times when the simple act of a heartfelt apology makes headlines.

Actress Jenna Fischer, who starred in the TV comedy "The Office," apologized on Twitter last week for spreading misinformation about the GOP tax bill.

"I made a mistake and I want to correct it. After reading your feedback and doing additional research, I discovered that I tweeted something that was not accurate," Fischer wrote. "Last month, the House of Representatives voted for a tax bill that did kill a $250 deduction for teachers to buy classroom supplies, but in the final bill the deduction was restored. I feel genuinely bad about getting my facts wrong and I'm sorry."

The actress had gotten heat days earlier when she incorrectly tweeted, "I can't stop thinking about how school teachers can no longer deduct the cost of their classroom supplies on their taxes...something they shouldn't have to pay for with their own money in the first place. I mean, imagine if nurses had to go buy their own syringes."

The tax bill was a fast-moving piece of legislation and Fischer got her facts wrong. It's understandable at such blazing speed, and with such a lack of public discussion before it was passed. She realized her mistake, deleted the original post, apologized fully and moved on. Seems like a pretty simple formula, and it is a great example of how to apologize. But Fischer's mea culpa stands in sharp contrast to the dozens of half-hearted "apologies" issued recently in the wake of sexual misconduct allegations leveled at powerful men in multiple industries.

Too often, the person issuing an apology is vague or evasive. TV journalist Charlie Rose told The Washington Post: "I have behaved insensitively at times and I accept responsibility for that, though I do not believe that all of these allegations are accurate."

Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, whose public outing of his misbehavior sparked the #MeToo movement, placed the blame for his misdeeds on the era he grew up in: "I came of age in the '60s and '70s, when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different. That was the culture then."

Those are supposed to be apologies? Sorry, no.

Why is genuine contrition so difficult? Psychologist Harriet Lerner, author of "Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts," recently told National Public Radio that apologizing is difficult for most people.

"Humans are wired for defensiveness," Lerner told NPR. "And it's very hard for us to take clear and direct responsibility for specific things we have said or done — or not said or done — without a hint of blaming, obfuscation, excuse-making (or) bringing up the other person's crime sheet."

That's what we can learn here. Forget the excuses, cast aside the blame, the so-called "mitigating factors" and the squishiness. Take a look at yourself and the facts and come clean. Fully.

"I'm not ashamed to say I was wrong and I'm not ashamed to correct it," Fischer wrote. "I was taught that taking responsibility is the right thing to do (Thanks Mom and Dad!) Please accept my apology."

The stakes, of course, are higher for those who act inappropriately or even criminally. A true apology, an acknowledgment without condition of wrongful behavior, would, as Fischer says, display that "taking responsibility is the right thing to do."

Even better, in the cases of those men who can't seem to face their own facts, would be to comport oneself in a manner that doesn't require any apology.

Doing the right thing is also the right thing to do.

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