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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

James Wesley Blacketer and his legacy

You know, I didn't
start out looking for it or him. Honestly, I didn't. But some of the best
things come to me when I'm not expecting them.

And I don't even
really like him. Of course, I never met him. But I'd heard enough about him to
know that I'd probably not like him. Do you really need to meet someone to know
them?

He was weak. Not
physically ~ at least, I don't think so ~ but character-wise. In my mind, he
was what an author would describe a character in their book as having a
"weak chin".

This is why when I
found the U.S. Passport Application on Ancestry.com for my grandfather, James
Wesley Blacketer, I was both excited and hesitantly anxious, for given the date
of the application, I knew what was on the second page. However, I was slow to
click the arrow button to advance to the next page.

Why? Well, of the
things I'd heard about him, he didn't seem to make the right choices in life.

His children didn't
think much of him.

His second wife didn't
think too much of him either.

And what his first and
third wives thought of him? Well, that's lost in time somewhere.

I mean, it's sad when the only
good thing some of your children can say about you is that, "When Mother
would take us over to visit with him after the divorce, he was always very
happy to see Mother. I think he really loved Mother."

That's sad to me. It's sad he never tried to be a father to his
eight children with his second wife. It's also sad that at the time of those
visits, he was married to his third wife, Rose. [Make the bad man stop, right?]

And? It surprised me
to find out that he had married before my Gran, and may have had at least one
child with his first wife. I often wonder about Virginia Leach and their child
together if, indeed, that was his child. What happened to her? What happened to
the child? Did they survive? Did she and my grandfather divorce? Or did he just
simply leave?

While growing up, I
had heard whispers in the kitchen when my mother's family was over that one of
my uncles had been contacted by a woman. And when I say "contacted" I
mean she just showed up on his doorstep and when he opened the door, she introduced
herself and said, "I think we're related." Not the best way to, um,
contact possible relatives. She was of Native American descent and explained
that a man by the same name as my grandfather was her father, too. And that
he'd lived on the reservation for a while.

Of course, I was too
young at the time to catch her name nor where she came from. [And really not
supposed to be in the kitchen eavesdropping, but a kid learns the best stuff
that way, no?] And, really? Today, I'd SO welcome someone coming to my door like
that much more than my uncle did back then. [Okay. I'd be shocked, but the
family historian in me would be overjoyed. A new branch in the family tree!
Hello?!?]

But? It makes me
wonder about Virginia Leach and her one child that I know of. Was this child
the one who showed up on my uncle's doorstep so long ago? Why didn't anyone
pursue this relation? Sure, the thought of it was scandalous and their father
had been a louse of a husband and father, but was that her fault?

Of course, I don't
know if any of it is true. For all I know, he could have wives and children
everywhere along his timeline. But I know for a fact my grandfather was married
to a Virginia Leach because I have their marriage record. I know for a fact that
he was supporting his wife Virginia Leach and a child when he filled out his
World War I Draft Registration Card.

And I was contacted by
a Davis cousin researcher. [Our common ancestor being Andrew J. Davis whose
daughter Estella Cordelia married a Mr. Smith and their daughter married my
grandfather's father Harrison Blacketer.] And in an email to me she said years ago
she'd been in contact via snail mail with a descendant of my grandfather's
younger brother, Maurice, and that she thought that descendant could shed some
light on the matter. I've not been able to find her, but I'm hopeful of finding
someone with a part of this story. I'm far from done with researching. In fact,
I've only just begun.

But getting back to my
grandfather, he committed suicide in 1951. I feel bad for him that he thought
life was so bad that the only option left for him was to end his life. Did he
have regrets about the decisions he had made? Did he think the effects of his
bad choices in life would fix themselves if he were no longer alive? Or that
they'd just disappear? Or had he been hurting so much that he just couldn't
take it anymore?

"He was always
keen on making children just not keen on taking care of them." That's the
motto his children always laughingly said about him. It was always a laugh
laced with sadness. You know, one of those moments where if you don't laugh,
you'll cry. That's his legacy that he left behind.

So, when I found his
U.S. Passport Application, I took a deep breath and clicked the arrow to look
at the man for the very first time who had been so imperfect, so troubled, so
unable to be the man his loved ones needed him to be, and so human.

And I stared.

And I kept staring at
him with all these questions and feelings tumbling inside me, and I asked of
him what many people ask of those who've decided to take their lives,
"Why?"

Unfortunately, he
didn't reply. But, at least I had a face to the few facts, to the few stories,
and to the many rumors I have of him. And you know what?

Caroline, you are a good storyteller. I was in suspense with you as you waited to click the arrow that revealed his picture. His face in that kind of half-silhouette form looks not only sad but grim. Kind of unyielding. A little scary. I'll bet he had a number of internal demons. I wonder how HE was cared for as a child.... And I can relate well to the scenario of a kid hearing whispers in the kitchen. That happened to me a lot as a child. The feeling of grown-ups protecting us from some terrible, terrible secret. Which today we would probably not think so terrible at all, for today human failings seem to have partly medical explanations rather than purely moral ones.

But then I wonder what my descendants will be asking of my long ago actions. I hope I answer them. Or I hope they don't ask too much about the stupid decisions and choices I've made. I've plenty of those. Hopefully, they'll concentrate on the 'good stuff'. I can only hope.

Thank you, Melinda! I've some less-than-stellar great grandfathers as well. And my other grandfather, Big Paw Paw, was pretty flawed too. Oh well, their humanness make for great storytelling in my opinion.

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About Me

As a genealogist, a family historian, a writer, and a blog
author, I've been blogging stories about my ancestors since 2009
on Family
Stories. Additionally, I've been having epic results
combining family history, genealogy, technology, research services, tutorials, and videos on my blog 4YourFamilyStory.com.

When I'm not blogging about dead people,
coaching others on how to use technology to find dead people, or researching
other people’s dead people, I can usually be found in an antique store
searching for letters, post cards, tickets, photos, books, etc. once
owned by people who are now dead.