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Here we go again !

3 years ago hubby had an affair . We agreed to work
Things out and keep working on our marriage . 11/22/12
Our 5 th son was born .Well - I hit post partum
Depression and to be honest wasnt paying attention
To the mail . We ended up with a lapse of insurance and was pulled over ... Well that was a nightmare and
He lost his job ... Fast forward he's back to cheating on
Craigslist all married ladies ... His reason I deserved
It . Maybe I did - idk .. All I know was getting
The help for the depression was not easy. He is baby 5 aging 15 to 1 ..... Now he says he wants a divorce in his heart...
Idk what to do anymore .

justme1264 posted 3/30/2014 07:27 AM

((((((())))))

I am so sorry. I cant tell you how much I wish I had better words.

Winston Churchill once said, "this isnt the end, it isnt even the begining of the end, but maybe it is the end of the begining."

My thoughts are with you jaded

jjct posted 3/30/2014 08:58 AM

So sorry (((jaded7))).
Please at least take care of yourself, so you can model what maturity, faithfulness, and good-ness is to your 5 beautiful sons.
He sure isn't!

You are going to survive this!
Check out the 180 and begin it asap:

http://survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

It is for you and your healing - not to get your wh to do anything, ok?

Sending strength.
Keep posting - we got your back.

jaded7 posted 3/30/2014 09:42 AM

Thanks everyone ! What I don't understand is
why he waited a year to cheat again. His only
reason was I'm not giving him what he needs.
I'm lucky to pee 15,12,12,9,16 months are the
Kids ages... I do take accountability for loosing
My mind -after he was born. My hormones dropped
To fast and it took a specialist in post partum to fix.
I just don't see how destroying multiple families is even
A logical reason??? At this point I'm baffled :(

jjct posted 3/30/2014 09:48 AM

"His only reason was I'm not giving him what he needs."

Is pure and utter Bee Ess! Selfish, entitled asshattery!

Write this down and post it on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, and the bedroom ceiling:

If he were a real man...he would have stood by you in your postpartum, instead of jumping ship. No one can 'drive' a person to abandon their values and family. This is his choice and if he thinks he 'deserves' to go outside the M, he deserves to have you go (quietly) to see a lawyer and file for D--because YOU deserve so much more.

((((Jaded))))

Sadmumma posted 4/1/2014 00:48 AM

Jaded... I totally understand the despair and confusion you are feeling. Your post partum depression had nothing to do with the Affair..... It may have affected his attitude towards you, but a good man would have stood by you to ensure you had the help you needed and sought advice on what he could have done to support you through... So first and foremost dont own his shit!!!

Make sure you keep in contact with your doctor/therapist... This is going to be a bumpy ride and you may need help with meds....

Behind that, get to reading the 180 and focus on you and your boys.....
Seek legal advice.... Get tested for STDs...

Post here, post often... The people here are brilliant and a wealth of information and advice.

BeautifulEmpty posted 4/1/2014 01:09 AM

I can hardly read this thread.
I am so sorry that you find yourself here but please...it was not your fault that you had post partum depression! Taking "blame" for that is another way of taking blame for his actions.
You cannot help the sudden, massive hormone drop that causes this, sometimes very severely, so please don't do that to yourself.
His actions are nothing but ugly and selfish. Five kids is exhausting! If he were as involved in his family as he is in his craigslist 'ladies', he wouldn't have had time to do this!
You said yourself, you barely get time to pee...but he has time to woo and screw other women?
As for you causing everything and not minding the mail, depression does awful things to a person, mail is easy to forget or not be able to face...but please hear me: YOU WERENT THE ONLY PERSON IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD.
Anyone, from your husband to your older kids could have been getting the mail while mama wasn't feeling well.
As a matter of fact, reading this makes me think that this is an answer to just about any stupid excuse he throws at you...you weren't the only person in your house....he wasn't doing his job as your partner and as a father. It isn't you.
Now, if you want to accept responsibility for something, accept responsibility for your better future. Getting well, taking care of yourself and your kids. Taking some time to do what you'd like instead of all the have to's. My 15 yo autistic daughter can babysit just fine, I'm sure your 15 yo son can too.

Just please, whatever you decide, please do not accept responsibility for his crap under the guise of it being something you could control. You couldn't.

This was not your fault. You did not deserve to be treated badly, none of us did. To quote Dr Shirley Glass "men don't have affairs because they are not getting enough at home, they have affairs because they are not giving enough". Your life got difficult and instead of stepping up to the plate your husband took the easy way out. An affair is a fantasy, a distraction from having to deal with the day to day realities of life. I can absolutely relate as whilst I wss caring for a chronically sick child, my husband took the opportunity to have an affair. It is an imature reaction to being faced with adult problems :( The "blame" is 100% his.

SeekingPeace84 posted 4/1/2014 03:39 AM

Oh sweetheart! I wish I could wrap you in a huge hug right now. Your pain is so apparent in your words, it just breaks my heart.

I couldn't help but notice how you kept rationalizing how you may have contributed to what he did. Am I right about that? Is this an attitude that comes from your WH? Does he do this about other things as well? It's concerning to me that you and he hold you partially responsible for his actions. I want to say this very gently, because I know you're reeling right now. But that's abusive behavior. It's abuse to blame you for things beyond your control (such as an affair). It's not true, and it's not love when he says that.

You asked why he waited a year to do this again. I have two answers. Firstly, he probably didn't wait, you just didn't catch him while you were trying to recover from PPD after your 5th son was born. And secondly, he did this because he's selfish. It's the absolute height of selfishness to cheat on someone. And it's unimaginable to me (and I'm sure you as well) that he cheated on the woman bore who his children. It's horrific.

I'm so sorry for this pain you are in. I pray for strength and peace for you, as well as wisdom to know what to do next. I know it's so confusing. Please take time to read all the articles in the Healing Library, it really will help you.

Big hugs ((((((jaded7)))))),
~Charity

jaded7 posted 4/5/2014 18:39 PM

Thanks everyone. For your kind words we also
Have autistic twins . We made a contract I go
Back to work he stays off Craigslist ... Guess
What I start Tuesday back as an RN and assisting
The don for a home care agency ! Excited --- however
Was plot by him.... He has stomache virus checked
His email another Craigslist bitch wanting to talk .
He replied ... Is there anyway I can email her and say
Hello 5 kids ??? It just gives some generic Craigslist
Email thing . Please excuse spelling errors ect I'm on my
iPhone and severely peed off !!!!