Yo, yo, yo. Listen up Brother Arelrad, young round-headed nigga. This is your first day so I’m gonna go easy on you. I got some wisdom to spit, and you better listen up if you think bcuz you got some crazy ass smock and a Gargamel haircut you can come into this abbey and know where it’s at.

I’m Brother Cadfael, the craziest Benedictine you ever saw. Ya’ll heard of me. I been solving crimes in this mean monastery for over fifteen years now, and if you wanna make it, you better watch and learn.

Round here we got a saying: The streets is my only vestry. Out here you can get burned, man, you can go to a dark place where there ain’t no turning back. You show a weakness to these Franciscan fucks and they’ll feed on it, and feed on it, and feed on it, until there ain’t nothing left of you but a bald pate and a charcoaled Bible. Never show weakness!

Today's your training day. Gonna show you around, give you a feel for the business. I have thirty-eight cases pending trial. I have sixty-three active investigations. There's another two hundred and fifty cases on the log I can't clear. I got the fuckin’ powers that be on my back, disliking my methods but respecting my results.

I'm supervising five monks. That's five different personalities, five different sets of problems. You, Brother Arelrad, if you got the guts to succeed, will be number six. I don't got time to baby-sit or hold hands. You have one day to show me who you are and what you can or cannot handle.

You can't hack cracking the mead addicts and good book hustlers, feel free to work a pussy desk job fining vow-of-silence breakers. Hear me, Brother Arelrad?