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Friday, September 9, 2011

Sound Bytes: On Underwear, Spanish and Handcuffs

I've been trying not to share in this space everything G says no matter how much it sends me into fits of laughter simply because he's getting older, going to school and generally becoming more and more of his own person.

But he's really so funny. And he just makes my day with some of the gems that come streaming out of his mouth. Also, today, after a stressful day of medical tests and appointments and not feeling so well, I kinda feel like sharing a few slices of my happy here in this space will help me relive the complete hilarity.

"Well, I guess I better go upstairs and put on some underwear since we are going to Aunt Jill's rehearsal dinner tonight, and it *is* at a fancy restaurant."

Well, yes, dear, that would be a good idea. But next time we go to say, Culvers, it would totally be fine for you skip the underwear and go wild and free. {Or not.}

***

At school:
Teacher: "OK, G, it's time for you to come to the table and do your work."
G: "Hmm. No comprendo."

It's a really good thing, child, that you said it with a sweet smile across your face, your cute little eyebrows raised toward the heavens, slight mischief spread across your innocent cheeks or else you might have been the first preschooler in history to get a detention. Lucky, his teachers burst out into big belly laughs, and there was no mention of detention.

***

Before school:
G: "Mom, shotguns are weapons, right?"
Me: "Yup."
G: "Swords, too?"
Me: Yeah.
G: "What about handcuffs?"
Me: "No, handcuffs are not weapons. Police use them to keep the bad guys from hitting them."G: "Well, what if you used handcuffs like a slingshot? Or swing them in the air like this and let them fly into the bad guys' heads? Then are they weapons?"
Me: "Um, yeah."
G: "Well, we can't have weapons at school. So I probably can't take handcuffs to school?"
Me: "Um probably not."

He'll learn in time that expounding upon definitions will often not end up working in his favor. I rue the day. Because then I fear we could be seeing some actual detention slips. ;-)