Heidi Montag was rushed to a hospital in Costa Rica yesterday after she started “convulsively throwing up” after spending one full day with Spencer Pratt in a dark room. You do the math. If you were stuck in a confined space with that dingle berry, you’d probably dry heave so much that you’d turn inside out.

Twit & Twat were sent to “The Lost Chamber” by the producers of I’m A Fucktard….. Why The Hell Are People Paying Attention To Me? as a way to redeem themselves for quitting the show. They were given cots to sleep on, water to drink and rice and beans to eat. Peep at their quarters here. It kind of looks like my first apartment, only cleaner.

TMZ says that after the 24 hours were up, Heidi was so sick that she was taken to the hospital where doctors diagnosed her with a “gastric ulcer.” Is “gastric ulcer” Costa Rican doctor talk for “chronic famewhore-itis“? Or maybe bitch got dry shampoo poisoning.

Heidi has been released and is currently on meds. Apparently, Twit & Twat want off the show for good now, but they signed a tiny little thing called “a contract.” Spencer has fired his lawyer for telling him to stay on the show and now he’s threatening to sue NBC.

Some of the cast members are trying to get off the show, but their passports have been held hostage. Wait. Is this some genius plan concocted by the US Government and NBC to rid this country of our biggest pieces of trash? Why oh why didn’t they lure Katherine Heeeeigl down there with a carton of Reds or CHERYL BURKE with a stack of buttery pancakes. WHY?! Naw. This smells, tastes and looks like a publicity stunt. This whole thing has probably been scripted from the beginning and I bet they aren’t even in Costa Rica. They are probably shooting this on the Gilligan’s Island set at Universal Studios.

That being said, I will be tuning in on Monday night to see how this fakery plays out….. Why do I hate myself so much? I need to be hugged by a “Hang in There” poster.

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