I hate to ask you to do this since I prefer to lead with the positive, but this is important. As you go about your day today, notice the things you are doing that bring you no joy, that frustrate you, that you avoid with a passion, and that create lots of grumbling under or above your breath. Basically, these things are no fun at all and, if you had your way, you'd never do them again. Ever.

So why are you doing them?

Oh my gosh, I just heard some "should's" and "have to's" with a list of rationalization and reasoning behind it. "No one else can do it like I can." "It's part of my job." "That's just the way it is (defeated sigh)." "It's quicker and easier if I just do it."

Hmmmmmm..... So let's step back for a moment.

Let's get curious about the energy you're bringing to these things? What does it feel like in your body when you do these things... tense, tight, constricted, closed down, shut off? What about your mind... hate, despair, heaviness, regret, pain, suffering, resistance? Do you feel like ripping someone's head off, screaming out loud, throwing something, or perhaps crawling into a ball with your favorite teddy bear or laying on the floor lifeless with a blank stare?

Yes, I know these reactions might seem a bit extreme but I can guarantee that you've been there at one time or another. I know I'm raising my hand. None of it feels good.

When you do these things with this energy and mind set, are you doing the job well? No, probably not. What level of service are you offering? Probably pretty crappy since there's no love (or even like) involved. So why are we still doing it and why do we feel trapped by our thinking that we are the only ones that have to do this certain thing? Where is the balance? How broad do you want your shoulders to be? How much weight can you really carry?

I'm challenging you - let the stuff that you hate to do go!

And while I'm not saying that the task doesn't need to be taken care of, there are other ways and people that can do it... maybe not as well at your level or in the same way but they can get it done. Perhaps a system of shared responsibility needs to begin so that you are not doing it all and feeling burdened by things that are actually owned by or the responsibility of someone else.

For instance, how old are your kids? Who wears their clothes? Who's doing the laundry? Who's responsibility is it when they need their clean baseball jersey for their game tomorrow and it's 9:30 at night? What level of frustration rises in you? Yes, you can lecture them that they "should have...." (which never feels good for anyone) but then, what actions are taken? Who's gathering the clothes and staying up late to make sure they are washed and ready to go the next day? Hmmmmmm.....

Or how about that report at work that you dread doing every week, that you put off until the absolute last minute, where your only focus is getting it off your desk and not the possibilities that exist in the data. Who says you are the only one that can do it? What opportunities exist for growth and development of other team members, for process streamlining, or data systematization? I'm hearing a lot of "No, it won't work" "We've tried that" talk being said right now but I invite you to gather the troops and figure out a better and different way.

And for those times where it is impossible (at least right now) for change to take place, the only other choice for your sanity and sense of freedom is to change the way you look at it. If you can't leave it, then love it. Find something empowering about the project or task, even if it's the mindset that you have control over it. It is not controlling your thoughts, emotions, or the quality of your day. Do whatever needs to get done, stop complaining, be done with it, and then move on to the next greatest thing in your life. End of story. Period.

I work with people all the time in my coaching practice who have had enough. Unfortunately many times it's come to the point of receiving a diagnosis or medication, a divorce, career change, or other life changing event. I want to encourage you not to wait. It is possible to ask for what you need and to do it in a way that maintains honor of self and others.

Personal empowerment is the way that we come to love our life in every moment, even those moments that we'd prefer not to have in front of us. We are the ones that dictate the amount of joy or suffering in our experience. Let's be the Master of Me!

Another new year is upon us, bringing plenty of opportunity to grow, transform, and bring your heart's desires forward. As I've heard so many wishes for "Happy New Year!", I often wonder why we celebrate the change of calendar year and not really any other time, except perhaps birthdays. I guess it serves as a good marker of time, like how old your kids were when certain events happened in your life. I know I use Connor as a time gauge for many of my life's events. Wouldn't it benefit us greatly if we also saw each day, or each moment, as a time to celebrate, as an opportunity to set the stage for a purposeful life ahead? Well, guess what! We can!! Right now is the perfect moment to let go of the old and to open to the many fresh possibilities of what's next. As we focus on our goals, what we do in this moment will determine our level of success. Speaking of goals, we seem to have many; improved fitness, weight loss, new / better job, more time with family, completing a course or degree, etc. Goals are great and an important piece of the puzzle for fulfilled life. Without goals to help drive our energy and attention, we easily become aimless. Making sure our goals are written down and SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely) are also important in determining their success. Another key aspect of success is embodiment. In order to drive efficient change, we must connect to the feeling sense of our desired outcome. For instance, what will we look and feel like when we release those extra 15 pounds? How will our body move differently? What emotions will dominate our state of being? What clothes will we wear and how will they feel against our skin? How high will our energy be and what will be our outlook on life? All of these questions bring us to an embodied state of being where we resonate fully now with a future state. We activate all the senses to bring us to a state of completion even before we've begun. In our mind and feeling sense we are already 15 pounds lighter. When we live from this place, of embodying our success in this present moment, success show up with greater ease, joy, and love. As you seek to create lasting change this year, keep stopping along the way to ask yourself if your change actions are self-proclaimed to-do's or reflect an authentic and desired way of being. Do you feel obligated and restricted by your program / action steps or excited and energized? If it's the former, return back to the feeling sense and essence of why you desire this change. Reconnect with the energies of your heart's calling and why you are on this journey to begin with. Get back to the root of desired change so that you live your change with heart-felt purpose. Sometimes we get so driven to task our life, to have it show up in a certain way in a certain amount of time, that we forget our humanity and what that means. Living a human life is not a linear process. We are complicated, multi-dimensional beings with many different streams of consciousness. Be patient, kind, loving, and diligent in your change process. It is a process and success comes when we can celebrate ourselves and our new beginning in every moment. So Happy New Moment!! Enjoy them all.

Swoosh, crunch, swoosh, crunch, swoosh, crunch. You walk down the street these days and that's all you hear. It can be deafening! Some support your step with their suppleness and flexibility. Others are left shattered in a pile of 1,000 crumbled pieces. Even though they are part of nature’s whole, each leaf has enjoyed its own life cycle. Some have been able to maintain a more enriched state evidenced by their continued flexibility, even at the late stage of finding a resting spot on the ground. Others have dried up long before they were finally released from the tree. As we turn to look at our own leaf-ness, what is our state of flexibility or brittleness? What are those things that keep us soft and supple so that we are able to bend when bending is needed or to land without bruising or breaking? If we work with many people, how have we been able to stay flexible in an environment that may drain us of our moisture? Conversely, how are we when we move about our day in an arid way, sucking the moisture out of ideas, people, and even ourselves? For some, arid-ness can be gauged by the speed of reactivity to requests and information, perpetual absenteeism, or being hyper-focused and self-absorbed with complete disregard of the larger circumstance. Unlike the leaf that has already fallen, we have the ability to rehydrate when we find we've run dry. We can stop to drink in the wonderful elements of our simple existence and absorb what is needed right now. Purposeful pauses and breathing breaks support a steadiness when harsh winds blow. Opening to the "don't know" mind can offer possibilities not seen before and ease the need for things to be our way. Simply noticing our assumptions, judgments, and aversive view can free us from their brittle consequences. Hydration of body, mind, and spirit can be as simple as that. As you move through your fall day today, take inventory of your leaves; those that are flexible and supple and those that are dry and crumbly. Notice your personal weather report and whether you are swooshing or crunching. Generate presence, beginning from your feet.

If you're already challenged by your busy calendar, the holiday season probably won't have it feel any easier. I know for me, even though there's still two more months until year end, I'm already busy fine-tuning things so that it ends successfully. Updating my website, new marketing material, interesting event offerings, as well as my personal calendar are all on my radar. Even though I’ve narrowed my work scope over the past eight years, there are always so many new and exciting things to offer that I can become a little scattered at times, like Suki when I throw her two balls at once. Each ball is great and fun but which one to pick up and play with? Whenever I do this to her, I can see the confused and anxious state in her eyes, her decision-making process taking shape in front of me. I wish I could understand how she makes her choice but ultimately, after sniffing and chewing on each, even trying to put both in her mouth at the same time, she somehow decides which one we’ll play with for the next fifteen minutes. I really appreciate her commitment to her decision, too, since she won’t switch balls halfway into our play game, no matter if I start throwing a different ball. She’s dedicated, highly focused, and committed. Once again, I could learn a lot from Suki. While I think I’m fairly good at blocking my time to attend to specific activities or subject matters, I often notice a frenetic quality to my attention. Settling into a creative space between scheduled events isn’t always easy, resulting in a sense of disconnect between what I need to be doing and what I’m capable of doing. There’s real training in coming back to knowing what you can and can’t do, letting go of the frustration of what won’t work even though you want it to, and then moving forward with what’s possible.So how do we approach all the things we want to accomplish in the time and energy frame we have? I find it’s more challenging in this over-stimulated age of electronics and social media to steer clear of the shiny object syndrome. Our attention is constantly being diverted (yes, we do need to train ourselves to stick to task). Combined with less available time due to extended work weeks or family responsibilities, a life that is gravitating towards peace may be the opposite of what we are feeling. Take a look at how many things you have on your calendar right now. I’m sure they’re all good and serve a healthy purpose. The question to ask is if they create a sense of balance and joy or has our initial excitement turned to dread or obligation. Book clubs, PTO meetings, photography class,... add in the myriad of work, home, and family stuff... where is the room to breathe, enjoy, and self-nurture? None of this is to say not to be involved or to expand your connections. Quite the opposite. Creating depth of attention and truly experiencing our experience so that we don’t surface-skim our showing up is important. Let’s develop our skill of discernment, though, and commit like Suki to that one ball we are playing with so that we can enjoy it fully and not feel the pressure and added weight of everything else that is calling our attention. On a different day when it’s right to play with a different ball, we can do that, but for now let’s hone to come home. Need some quick tips on how to do that? Check out these 5 Super Honing Supports

1. Say “No, not now” to say “Yes!”You aren’t very good when you’re over-extended or exhausted so kindly say “No, Not Now” to the next request that comes your way. Doing this will help you to say “Yes!” to yourself. And not to worry as someone else will pick up the piece you were about to carry.2. Focus on only one activity per monthInstead of scattering your attention over numerous activities, pick one and delve into that. By engaging in just this, your enjoyment for this activity will grow and you’ll learn more about it that you would have thought possible. Leave the others to have their turn over the coming months.

4. Plan ahead and prepare mealsSave time, calories, and health. Don’t be caught off-guard with last minute kitchen and nutrition messes. Decide dinner in the morning, double-cook soups and stews for future-freeze, and prepare snacks and salads by cutting 3X the amount of veggies.

5. Purposeful PausesBreak the flow of constantness with 10+ second breaks throughout the day. Stop, breathe, feel your feet, and notice the physical and mental sensations. By tuning in to the present moment, we can decide more clearly what is needed next.

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~ Anais Nin

Do you ever put off making a change until the situation is so bad that you feel like you have no other choice, where you’ve backed yourself into a corner and are now using the intensity of the situation to finally propel you to take action?

I used to do this all the time. I would wait for things to be so terrible and ugly that I couldn’t stand it anymore. Only then would I make a change and shift in a new direction. Rock bottom had to be hit before I would rise like a phoenix and take care of myself. Somewhere in there was a warped strong-hold, my “worker ant” mentality gone awry. It also reflected my lack of self-worth and my secret belief that I didn’t deserve to be happy.

Ya, this didn’t work so well in my marriage or other relationship shifts that needed to happen. It also kept me from exploring more amicable and suitable paths of recovery and hopeful living. Thanks goodness I’ve learned to change this way go being, for myself and everyone else around me. It’s definitely made a big difference in the level of drama and trauma in my life. Now I’m more often compelled to reflect on my situation and to change things as I move along. Tweaking the small steps is a lot easier and feels a lot better than waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

How about for you? What changes have you ignored that would be really important for your happiness and that would really add value? What uncomfortableness are you still shoulder-high in… a job that’s not fulfilling, a relationship that needs a re-work, a life passion unfulfilled??

We don’t need something to go wrong in order to change. We don’t have to wait that long, for the forces of drama and trauma to invade our life and drive us to switch things up. We are each too valuable to give up on ourselves and our dreams / desires so easily. Don’t let the comfort of others keep us uncomfortable.

Need some guidance or a reflective mirror? Let me help you take charge and once again feel confident in the importance of you.

Deep, slow breaths... purposefully trying to relax my body... bringing my mind to a neutral, even happy, place. Tapping my Triple Warmer 3 (TW3) point, breathing for 10, then tapping some more. Ahhh...and finally, for the first time in a long time, no tears running down my face and no death-grip on the leather arm rest. Phew and yeah! These are some of the calming tools I brought into my dental session the other week when I had to have both a crown and a filling replaced. Not anyone's idea of fun but, for me with an extensive dental history and a deep visceral reaction (no need to go into unpleasant details), a more disruptive experience. What was different time? Arriving with my mindfulness and meditation practice in hand, I also now invoke some Eden Energy Medicine. The TW3 "Fear Point" shown above is an acupressure point that runs along the Triple Warmer meridian. this meridian is, among other things, responsible for our fight/flight/freeze. Tapping here helps to relieve that stress / fear and, along with the breath, can bring a greater sense of calm to an otherwise high-tension moment. Simply tap that point 10 times with your other pointer and middle finger, pause for a few breaths, then tap it another 30 times. If fear is still prominent, try the same sequence on the other hand. For me, it worked like a charm. (Insert big smile.) I'm very grateful for this energy support and also grateful for my dentist and staff. Life would not be so pretty without them. And while I still dislike being in that office (and luckily it's much less), it's now much more comfortable. So try TW3 tapping the next time you are in a fearful / anxious mind place and see how your energies change. I'd love to hear your story so please share with comments below!

“The Miracle of Mindfulness”… the miracle of showing up for your life as it is right now… noticing what’s there… in all of it’s many forms… with deep awareness and acceptance. You hear me say (or write) variations of this quite frequently but what is mindfulness really? While there are thousands of studies quantifying the beneficial impacts that mindfulness has on the physical and mental body, work productivity, concentration, relationships of all kinds, and overall health, and while we cognitively understand mindfulness to be present to this moment, again, what is it really? Stepping away from the view that it is a tool that will help us achieve greater goodness, we must, if we are to truly understand mindfulness, realize first and foremost that it’s an embodied practice. It is a state of being, not a performance enhancement too or a therapeutic technique. Recently I spent six days at Blue Cliff Monastery in New York with 400+ practitioners living as many moments as we were able to in mindfulness. I say “as many as” since, no matter the strength of our practice, there seems to be an ebb and flow in and out of this practice of presence. “The Miracle of Mindfulness” was the retreat’s theme, celebrating the publication of this titled book by my teacher and Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh 40 years earlier. Out of the 400 retreatants, about one-third were brand new to a retreat in the Plum Village tradition, a tradition which emphasizes integrating mindfulness into everyday normal activities and occurrences. Each moment of life is an opportunity and a gift so why not show up and be more fully aware of them? The retreat day begins and ends in silence - an opportunity to connect with the voice inside - and in between we are fed with nurturing practices such as mindful meals, sitting and walking meditation, working meditation, Dharma talks (teachings), and sharing from the heart. Each step along the way is an opportunity to recognize our wholesome and unwholesome mental formations (ideas, thoughts, judgments, labels), i.e. discursions that typically hold us back from an open view of possibility. As we mostly seeking to control and reformulate our surroundings, there’s a continual backdrop of mind chatter that works to unconsciously sort and categorize our experiences, pulling or pushing our mental and physical resources into all sorts of directions in an attempt to make life more to our liking. In the retreat setting we are gifted with a slower pace, making it easier to notice this habituated mind activity and to create attitudes of openness and curiosity, awakening us to the many details we miss as we busily go about our day. We have an opportunity to notice our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and sensations of all kinds, all aspects of ourselves that are lost in the commotion of mind and body multitasking. There is so much depth to the simplest of things - drinking tea or coffee, walking, bathing, picking up things, noticing a landscape, eating chocolate. How is your moment of life when you are sipping your tea in the bright sunshine? Noticing… what responsibilities are weighing heavily on your shoulders and in between your "should" blades? Can we soften our body just a smidgen and return to the tangy flavor of our tea, drinking in the refreshing elements of Nature in the tea leaves and rain clouds? How are we now? Each time we let ourselves open to experience what is in front of us, we capture a part of ourselves that we would otherwise have missed. We get to know what’s underneath and behind the busyness that has become our habit and, for that wonderful moment, notice the Self that is noticing the self. As we bring more and more awareness to ourselves and our experience, even if it contains pain or uncomfortableness, we can begin the journey of taking care of our true selves (behind the roles and ego) more fully. This awareness of self is the first step in healing the pains and points of suffering. From this place, understanding and then reconciliation may arrive. In this way, mindfulness is a miracle for, with the simplest of attention, we can gift ourselves the preciousness of our life. So try this on. For a few minutes right now, stop what you are doing and bring awareness to your breathing. You’ve been doing it all day long and it’s been supporting every action you’ve taken. As you pay attention to it, don’t do anything different to it - just leave it as it is. Now also sense your body with the breath, noticing the subtle movements of it as you breathe in and out. Staying here for a few minutes, let everything else settle down - your mind, your thoughts, your to-do’s. The only thing to do in this moment is to pay attention to yourself, breathing. Stay here and rest. Open to being and breathing. What’s there that you may have missed before? What miracle of mindfulness is yours?

...but they sure are for me. I love Mondays - a day to take charge and get into full swing for the week. I hope it's a beautiful day for you too but, if you find that your energy is being drained by others around you that aren't having such a great Monday, try the Celtic Weave energy exercise. It will strengthen your personal energy bubble and ward off any of those "energy zappers".

Happy September!!! I can't believe it's already a week into it. I'm not quite sure where the summer went but I think that's a pretty typical reaction. After this week of heat I'm happy to have Fall arrive - my favorite season. The air gets crisp, fresh apples arrive, and jeans are an option during the day. Those first few weeks of being able to wear them without feeling like they're glued on is amazing...and flannel. Gotta love the flannel. OK, can you tell I'm getting into a very happy state here as I dream on and on about Fall? One of the other things that comes with Fall is the energy of moving inward. It's the season where we begin to harvest what we've been growing over the past few months. It's also an opportunity to make any necessary changes before winter hits. Emotionally, relationally, physically...what do we envision will provide the most abundant and healthy nutrition and what do we need to do now to access that? Fall is a perfect time for change, for detoxing, for bringing in more elements if that is needed. So many of my friends are going through changes right now - lots of divorces, unemployment and careers shifts, and significant health issues. None of these changes seem small anymore. The stage of infancy has passed and they are at big junction points. While none of my friends are in complete joy over their situation, they do seem to be embracing this time. Each one will be stronger for their situation and will come into "their own" after this. Their changes and challenges are tough but each one of them is meeting it head on with acceptance, strength, and love. Beyond my compassion, I'm excited for their new prospects and what might evolve for them. For me, I'm doing the same. I'm fortunate enough in this moment to not have big life changes but I'm still in process. My shifting is of a lesser magnitude but it's still there, brewing underneath. One of the observation I've had recently was that my vibrational level was much lower than I would like. That might sound strange but different states of being carry different energy frequencies (see David Hawkins' book Power vs. Force for more on this). Love is a high frequency and hate is a low frequency. I've been attracting things that weren't for my highest good so, as of my recent Continuation Day, I've decided that I'm going to be my best client. Yes, sometimes I do fall off my wagon and not always follow my own advice. It's just me being human and also a great way to affirm how to get back on track. We all ebb and flow and what better tool to share in my work with others than my own experience. It's all I can really ever share anyways. So, as summer starts to close, take in the harvest of your highest and best self. Fall is the perfect time for personal reorganization and reaffirmation, finding the supports that nurture whatever you need. There's still time to add lots of goodness to the mix so don't be afraid or shy to grab what you need.

It's Monday morning, one of my favorite days of the week (yes, I did say that!). My Task Master gets all juiced up and ready to go for another fabulous week ahead. How about for you? Whatever you do, don't let Monday drag you down. Keep going with your Daily Energy Routine (DER) and keep those energies high! To add to the DER short version, today we're looking at the Crown Pull. It's perfect for when we can't stop the "chatting" in our head, realize we've been going in the wrong mental direction with lots of negativity, or for those tension headaches that creep up after a stressful day. Along with the Wayne Cook, the Crown Pull is also perfect for when we have trouble concentrating and remembering things. Staring at the computer all day will surely numb our intellectual capacities and an overload of meetings can be draining so bring the Crown Pull along for some instant relief. It will have your mind and brain feeling refreshed and connect you to your higher inspirations.