Confessions Of A Porn Addict – Starving at the Buffet Table

Seriously, has your husband, or anyone you know, ever come to you and said, “Hey, I got a problem with internet pornography”?

I doubt it.

Pornography addiction is a tightly-held secret of sordidness.

For those trapped in porn addictions, the cycles only get worse, and the struggles inside increase.

What once seemed enticing, soon becomes an insatiable grip on the soul, an appetite never satisfied.

In time, some choose more taboo outlets besides the simple viewing of images or videos. There is phone sex, internet chat rooms, webcam sharing, visits to strip clubs, affairs, even prostitution.

They end up exploring a host of unsatisfying dishes to try to fill the ravenous void deep within.

That’s the trap. Once biting off on the bait, the porn addict is hooked, and gets increasingly blind to the damage he is doing to himself internally.

The seeds of my growing appetite for sex were outlined in my previous posts. I have deliberately left out much of the graphic details, as that information is not edifying, nor necessary.

Suffice to say, that I had already been a glutton at the banquet of sexual sin long before my marriage.

For years I had tried to fulfill my desires with many different women. Even if I hadn’t gorged myself with everything that many porn addicts do, I either had tried various things, or had vicariously participated through porn viewing. The results were the same as if I had done them in person.

There is a point of no return, and a time when many porn addicts admit that a two-pronged cycle impacts them.

The pull for trying to satisfy an unending emptiness and “need” is coupled with the sting of knowing it is not filling the true need and feeling unable to get away from it.

Pornography addiction is truly an unquenchable hunger
that demands everything of you.

By then, I thought I could control my appetite within the relationship with a woman I thought I adored.

Sadly, even after repeated vows to “stay pure” and my own selfish demands which turned to resentment, I could not curb the craving that continued to drive me to the sordid buffet table of porn.

I may not have delved into true physical relationships and exposed myself to many of the diseases that torture the body, but my mind became tormented by the increasingly darker appetites provided through the participation in images, webcam, voice and chat situations.

I fooled myself into thinking I could handle this on my own, and even built up a false front where I could work effectively and efficiently in my job, portray myself as a happy husband and family man, all the while dying on the inside.

The problem centered on thinking only of myself, never giving much thought to anyone else’s needs. I was closer to death than ever before…

This article was written by my husband and is just one in a series.
I pray spouses will understand that a mate’s use of pornography
is not a personal rejection of them.

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Jenny Wilson is passionately devoted to guiding broken-hearted victims of betrayal to true and lasting forgiveness and meaningful reconciliation. She helps Christian wives overcome negative spiritual and emotional effects of infidelity so they can walk in truth and go beyond coping to victorious living.