ISSN: 1525-898XObservations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video,
raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance
of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

Well, yes, it's a routine procedure- if you routinely
have someone slice open your body with sharp
instruments and then fiddle with your insides.

(Robert Mankoff, published in the June 25, 2007
edition of The New Yorker)

I may be a candidate for a laparoscopic cholecystectomy. Lots of people have them, and I probably will have to at some point, but I'm asymptomatic again. The only "real" surgery I've had under general anesthesia was a tonsillectomy at age 5. I'm almost 53 and still have a perfect body... and I'd like to keep it that way for a while.

The question in my mind is how many additional American casualties is
Saddam worth? And the answer is not very damned many.
-Secretary of Defense Dick Cheneyspeaking to the Discovery Institute after the first Gulf War (8/14/1992)

See the lady and man and their dogs? They frequently go to South Park and feed the deer bread and apples and other munchies. See the deer? She came bounding out of the woods when she heard the nice couple approach, and the presence of a horde of nearby dogwalkers left her unfazed.

This is why you'll soon have to lock your car doors in South Park, to prevent deer from rummaging through your glove compartment.

Fortunately, these are indigenous deer, not the dog-attacking ruffians obviously imported from South Jersey.

A Pittsburgh-based law firm holds a seminar explaining how to hire cheap H-1B visa workers from overseas while appearing to meet the letter of the law.

"Our goal is clearly not to find a qualified and interested U.S. worker.."

"In the video, a person identified as Lawrence Lebowitz, an attorney at Cohen & Gribsby, explains a method that can be used for hiring foreign workers under the U.S. government's Program Electronic Review Management process. PERM stipulates requirements for placing help-wanted ads to fill job vacancies, with the intent of either hiring U.S. workers or showing that no qualified Americans are available."

From the website of the makers of the new over-the-counter diet drug Alli:

Needless to say, other diet pill makers had something to say about this:

(To their credit, the networks refused to air the ad.)

By the way, when did side effects become "treatment effects?" Side effects depend upon how a drug is used: for example, if you use Benadryl for your allergies, the side effect is sleepiness; if you use it as a sleep aid, the side effect is nasal dryness. If intestinal incontinence is your goal, I'd go with plain ol' citrate of magnesia.

7 p.m. "Gattaca"
Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman live in a cold, superficial society where achievement and opportunity are based on looks and genetic purity. But that's just Hollywood. They're also in this movie about a frightening authoritarian future. (1997)

8 p.m. "Carrie"
A young girl suffers an awkward moment at her high school prom. (1976)

"It was that damn kid again," a distraught Woods explained.,
"He followed me to every hole, and he wouldn't shut up.
'I love you, Tiger!' 'I'm your number one fan, Tiger!'
'Tell everyone you invited me to that American Express event,
Tiger!' If I ever see him again, I'm gonna put a ball in his
hole, I promise you that."