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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Listen When Someone Shows You Who They Are

Actions speak louder than words. Show, don't tell. These phrases speak to
the concept of authenticity and integrity. Maya Angelou brilliantly captures the essence of
integrity: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Someone’s
words just don't jive with what their actions are showing. Perhaps they don’t
call you back, they arrive late, they make nasty digs. These people are showing
you who they are by their actions.

Notice your own reaction: perhaps second-guessing yourself around what your
intuition is saying and feeling crazy around the individual, frustrated even
because of powerlessness in the face of this contradiction. At first you might even
disbelieve them and when they prove themselves true, you act shocked that their
actions have impacted you.

This is where authenticity comes into play. If you shrink from the truth of
the situation, denying what you are experiencing, then you may be enabling the
other person's behavior. You are not being authentic to yourself. It is easy to
continue making allowances for someone else’s bad behavior. We tell ourselves
any number of untruths: It’s not that
bad. I’m just being oversensitive (It must be me). Maybe I can help them
change. They really have so many other good qualities…and so on.

Step back and think, then think
some more:

Listen when someone tells you who they are

Believe them

Trust yourself: avoid second-guessing your intuition

Lovingly detach from the person and their actions

Be direct in telling the other how their actions are
affecting you, then let them deal with the consequences of their behavior

Take care of yourself: carry on with your own life
and self-focus

We don’t own other peoples’ actions or reactions. We can only focus on
own integrity and be our authentic selves. Do you need to take a step back and
really listen to what someone in your life is telling you that contradicts
their actions?

Empowerment coaching can help you get clear and gain clarity on
relationships. For a free discovery session, call: 514.996.2414