Sunday, March 25, 2012

Dance Lessons Day!

Today at your first dance class you’re going to be asked why you’re taking lessons. The others will say they’re learning for their wedding, or to meet single men, or to be more confident at parties. When it comes to you, tell the truth.

“I want to dance on my father’s grave,” tell them.

Explain that your father is very ill, and that you’ve been sitting by his hospital bed whispering that you’re going to dance on his grave every week when he dies. And he’s just been laughing, saying that you’d never do such a thing because you’re a terrible dancer. So you said that you’d take lessons. And your father said lessons cost money and you’re too cheap. So you said you’d save up. And your father said you’re terrible at saving and that you only spend your money on ridiculous gadgets and overpriced meals. So you’ve been showing up every week with your bank statement and waving it over your father’s hospital bed so he could see how much you were saving. Then when you finally had enough you showed him your enrollment forms for dance class. Then you showed him your dance shoes and dance belt.

“Now I want to perform for him the dance I am going to do on his grave,” tell the class. “Before he dies, I want him to know what will shake the soil onto his coffin, what joyous number underneath which he will rot.”

The teacher will say, “You sound like you hate your father very much.”

Say, “He made me the man I am today, and I’ll never forgive him.”

The next student will say, “I’m taking this class because people keep shooting at my feet.”