Cameron embarks on enormous huff

The Prime Minister has begun what close aides have described as ‘a colossal sulk’ following months of nothing going his way.

“He won’t talk to any of us,” a source claimed. “He just sits there with his arms folded and his bottom lip sticking out. The only thing anyone’s heard him say all day is ‘FOR FUCK’S SAKE - NOT YOU AS WELL?’ when Samantha quietly asked him to stop picking the stuffing out of the sofa and flicking it across the room. We think the last straw was people having a go at him for choosing the wrong friends.”

However hopes for a breakthrough rose this afternoon as a car containing Binky McNaughton, Cameron’s former housemistress at Eton, was rushed to No. 10.

“If anyone can snap David out of it, Binky can,” the source went on. “Clean pants, eggy bread, a special song and a story and she’ll soon have him right as rain again. He’s probably just tired.”