Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Breaking The Babbysack

David Herb Meltzer is a terrific righter(sic) with a great mind for the business of fake fighting and mixed martial arts...the other cats who post on his site are not. So while those pundits might have an extra 21st chromosome they don't got shit on my man Babbysack. Babbysack suffers from such extreme retardation he overshadows everyone in the IWC. It is my proud duty to recap his works. What needs to be said about the aftermath of WrestleMania has mostly been said. Beating a dead horse is boring, stifling to the creative juices and only appropriate to cheaply paid Hollywood writer types, who have no clue to the glory of professional wrestling past, no concept of how to create professional wrestling present, and offer little hope for the future.

Jesus. The misconception amongst the pro wres fans that wrestling is some sophisticated art that needs years of intricate watching to understand is unfathomable. "Get that Hollywood fuck Freddy Prinze Jr. out of there! Whats he know about the business? He can't write promos for Edge!" Settle down Babbysack, the WWE turns a profit every year I don't think they need advice from some manchild.

Pathetic and hilarious is the nature of professional wrestling’s proudest titles, morphed, diminished, watered down, embedded with long forgotten spinners, and bearing no semblance to the belts that once adorned the waists of the greatest of champions.

LOL this dude is upset they put a spinner on the world title belt years after the switch. "HOW DARE THEY TARNISH THE LEGACY OF THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD OF FAKE FIGHTS" I mean the spinner belts gay and all but it worked with the Cena character and was a sign that WWE was hip to the times. Plus the last time I was at a RAW this little black kid had a replica spinner belt and he looked like the happiest soul in the world. Babbysack is such a racist.

Whether you trace your fandom to Flair, Hogan or Sammartino;

What dude who watched Sammartino is still online reading about fucking wrestling? He's making me shoot lol

whether you adored the standard of Hart, the reputation of Austin, or the history of the Funks;

LOL

whether you’d prefer the science of Thesz,

LOOOL seriously who ever saw Lou Thesz wrestle? Also what does 'science' have to do with stretching inbred mooks and random japs?

the grandeur of Gagne, or the pomposity of Rogers; all of those legacies have been left trashed by current sentiment..

"JOHN CENER AND THE HOLLYWOOD WRITERS ARE KILLING THIS ONCE PRESTIGIOUS HONOR!!" Babbysack missed the girth of Big Show, the lazyness of Diesel, the professionalism of Backlund, the traps of Goldberg, the stingyness of Sting, the sadness of DDP, the roid rage of Warrior, the gigantism of Andre, the jersey white trashyness of Russo, the awesomeness of Vince, and the fake japaneseyness of Yokozuna.

Championships, Titles or Belts, the pinnacle of professional wrestling success was always…. Always….ALWAYS! measured by the man who held that symbolic piece of metal.Today, call it a prop. Call it something stupid. Call it something some guys carry around sometimes. Call it the grotesque degeneration of what the industry once was, what the sport once laid claim to, what the entertainment concept once touted.

Ugh Babbysack. Wrestling title belts have always....Always....ALWAYS! BEEN PROPS! This has never been a real sport. It will never be a real sport. No matter how much long term booking the McMahon's put into the 'product' wrestling will always be mocked. At best it will mocked for 90 seconds on PTI when a celebrity is involved with Mania.

Apparently, there are fans who are foolish enough to care too much. Apparently, we’re all supposed to sit down, shut up and be entertained by figureheads who sit on a mountain of domination never seen in this industry, but who cannot book a feud to reinvigorate their ever-dwindling fan base.

Faggots and Gentleman, the Glen Beck of the IWC

Sure, WrestleMania 25 broke many attendance numbers and gate records, but coming out of WrestleMania, has any other show shown so little buildup for the future?

"Sure, Wrestlemania 25 made a fuckload of money, but what about the TITLES?" The Babbysack goes on to show the world his 7 point plan to make wrestling titles important once again but no one wants to read that hogwash so I'll close out on a choice quote:

Which, in the end, is the point. Professional wrestling fans are not stupid.

8 comments:

I stay away from the other columns on WOL/F4. Reading this, I'm embarrassed for Meltzer and I'm tempted to email him asking what the fucking deal is. Does he even know the kind of smart-mark cliche talking point bullshit the passes for "writing" on his site? It's shameful.

Real talk: I've seen old Lou Thesz matches, and dude was about as scientific as every other NWA champ ever, i.e. not at all. But stupid old people like to pretend he was, so as to support their sad delusion that wrestling wasn't gay bullshit back then.

CONTACT:

If you have any comments, questions, feedback, complaints, hot tips, etc., please feel free to e-mail us at: 6.3.94.mailslot@gmail.com

6-3-94 Manifesto

In the days of ancient Rome men tried to best each other physically by imposing their will on one other. Sometimes this lead to the death of one of the competitors. Sometimes it lead to a friendship or brotherhood bond being formed. More often than not it ended with the two dudes fucking the shit out of each other. Faggotry and wrestling have long had a mutually parasitic relationship. Where faggotry is afoot wrestling cannot be far behind. Where there is wrestling you can rest assured that faggotry is nearby, jerking off furiously. This is the way it has always been and the way it shall always be. Though men have tried to change this dynamic throughout the ages they have all failed. Spandex, pyrotechnics, midgets, fake tits and sports entertainment cannot mask the overwhelming scent of gay that always accompanies wrestling. You can always be certain of these three things: The sun always rises in the morning, politicians always lie and wrestling will always be gay as fuck. We are merely observers; scribes charged with the duty of recording, analyzing and mocking this faggotry. These are our words.