Tuesday, October 03, 2006

GW DVD signing

I thought I'd go along to the GW series 2 DVD signing, just to see what it was like, and oh dear god, the screaming! The fainting! The smell! Fortunately everyone knows what actors are like when their agents aren't around, so the fans were very forgiving.

See what I did there? I turned the whole thing around. Keep an eye out for that sort of thing if you're new to the blog, there's plenty more where that came from.

But yes, um, quite a lot of people, past whom me and Green Wing Richard were whisked, to stand at the front* and be coronated with little plastic passes by the PR team. It was very like the end bit of the Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, except with Mark Heap mouthing 'wanker' at me. And then when I barged in front of a paying fan to get a script signed for charity, Julian Rhind-Tutt pointed at me and said 'Look, a nutter jumping in! He is from Nuttsville, I'll be bound!'. This was actually quite dangerous, as heavy security guards had already decided they didn't like me, and behind me were ONE MILLION rabid Mac fans who would happily have torn me limb from limb at the merest gesture from their ginger love god.

Anyway, the paying fans didn't mind me jumping in, which was good, and Television's Doctor Mac then took pity on me and told them that I was a writer, and one fan also took pity on me and asked me to sign her DVD, so I did, which felt brilliant, and I was insufferable for the rest of the evening.

My favourite bit was when Stephen Mangan stood up, generating an unearthly high-pitched wailing chorus from the queueing fangirls**, which then turned into a disappointed rumbling moan when he sat down again. However Stephen is very modest, so he probably just thought there was something wrong with his chair.

And then I got back and watched the making-of documentary on the DVD, to discover that the stuff I had done and had been told would be in it was in fact not in it, but that the very short bit that had supposedly been taken out because I was making fun of the actors was in fact in. Showbusiness is a funny old contrary old business and no mistake crikey blimey.

* Where I took loads of photos of the actors, as my turning up had coincided with the official press photo moment thing opportunity, and as all photographers are pale Cockneys whose growth has been stunted by years of living on jellied eels and silver buttons, I was able to stand behind them and snap over the tops of their pasty heads quite happily. Sadly all the photos but one came out blurred, I suspect because my hands were trembling with rage and jealousy, but there we are.

** I'm worried this looks a bit patronising, so from now on I shall refer to all Steve Appreciators as 'The Manganettes'.

I was there and I saw you whilst I was in the queue and was indeed going to accost you and make you sign my dvd (to make you feel important, you understand), but when I was at the signing table was the very 5 minutes you decided was an opportune moment to bugger off, and return just as the security guards were giving me a shove in the direction to leave. I'd already made one of them threaten to make me rejoin the queue by making a highly intelligent and sarky observation to/at him, so I didnt want to take my chances.

By the way, I swear (on my life if necessary) I wasnt part of the particularly screamy gaggle of girls dressed up in doctors coats and what-not. I was exceedingly cool and calm, and turned up partly as my Renaissance Art in central Italy module demanded I be in London yesterday anyway.

Saying that, I'm sure I would've found another legit reason to go if that hadn't been the case.

You do realise you're going to be severely told off for chopping Mr Mangan in half in that picture? I'm happy to say I wasn't one of the screaming fangirlies either, but only because Plymouth is just too damn far from London and my children wouldn't have looked kindly on me buggering off and letting them fend for themselves. Glad you had a nice time, incidentally, and very nice of you to sign a script for "cheridy mate." (why is it no longer possible to say "charity" in the manner it was originally intended?)

And other commenters - I didn't stay around at the signing too long, for fear like I was looking like a massive loser who has to feed off the actors' fame like a slinky and fabulously-haired leech.

I didn't have a signing pen with me anyway - quite glad it didn't occur to me to take one, as I feel I would have fallen at that moment into some kind of J-Lo-style, referring-to-self-in-third-person type nightmare alternative dimension evil me.

That is a really nice photo of the back of my head James, standing just behind the man in the green t-shirt. I'd have liked autographs from all three of you, but its not the first thing you say when introduced.

Missed opportunity for "and that was just the teachers, aah" I felt there. But my expectations were still confounded and thus the humour occurred. movqto is the word thingy, by the way. Isn't that Klingon?

I saw you and was surprised by your height, simply because I saw Ian Hislop (the smallest GenericEarly21stCenturyToryLeaderLookalikeQueuejumper I've ever seen) before you and any male taller than my 5"7ish ness constituted as Tall.

Despite being 14, and having to get my a couple of month's older friend to buy the DVD for me (which I didn't even need to) I was not a Manganette. I wasn't. Though today I did engage in some 'Guy or Mac?' discussion.

All in all a very good night, what with the much friendlier security guards who didn't kick me and my paper aeroplane out this time, lest I should get an Asbo and learning how to spell 'horroshow' properly in Russian, despite the around two hour queue.

Oh, wow, I only just realised that my friend is in the GWcrowd2 photo, the girl with the blonde hair near the Kids DVDs from £5.99 And that I really should be analysing some Independent article going on about how bad PE is.

I am tall, yes, but Richard is tall, also, and together we are The Tall Writers (Rob pretends he is tall, but in fact he is short). Also we're going to have to put up some kind of tags on the backs of peoples heads in that photo (or in real life).

Kalista, apologies for delay in replying to email, your blog is up on blogroll SO IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD. Go over to Kalista's blog and say hello EVERYONE NOW.

Aha, now I see what was wrong with Harry Potter at the beginning of Order of the Phoenix. He wasn't being an angsty teenager, merely suffering from a mild form of seasonal diabetes (which actually exists, just I don't think it has that name).

Well, in honesty I'd probably have forgotten to ask you to sign my DVD, as I was actually hoping to ask you if Ms P was with you or there at all because I missed her at the Bearded Ladies filming and wanted to say hello.

Of course, I would still have expressed my appreciation for your contribution to GW and blogging in general. And I'd have let you sign my DVD if you wanted to.

Aww Skea! Aren't you glad you did come now! You met us, plotted with the actors, writers (Spence and Terri.. Kate told me everything! Muhaha) and to top it all, got into James' photo!

James you didn't mingle very well! I was going to come over and tell you about the dream involving Hitler and Big brother, but my feet were already aching by that point. I'm sure you are gutted about not hearing about that dream though...

Gah, missed the signing AGAIN because I was in Cornwall. Which is odd but this does explain why I failed to bump into you there. Otherwise I obviously would have done, Cornwall being about 10 inches across from the looks of the map. Congratulations on your seconds of fame! This 'Behind the scenes' featurette was better than the last one, if only for that minute. I'm slightly disappointed by the sound of the mad fangirls. I thought I was one, clearly I have much to do to catch up. I'm just not committed enough. D- for me in 'Scary ladies who stalk 101'.

would you like to sign a GW DVD for me and stick it in the post, as the one I've ordered from HMV seems to be lost - I have visions of our local postman pat sitting in his sorting office watching MY DVD and gafforthing.

>>I was actually hoping to ask you if Ms P was with you or there at all because I missed her at the Bearded Ladies filming and wanted to say hello.<<

Aimee, I missed you again! I was there for a brief minute just to marvel at the insanity, before absconding for a drink round the corner. Of course being of tiny height I couldn't actually see anything apart from a very long queue, bah.

Patroclus, next time - no escaping. Or absconding. Or any similar activity. And I bet I nearly saw you too, as I was at one point relatively near James and saw him gesturing to someone about going for a drink and the thought of eavesdropping to coincidentally bump into people post-signing did cross my mind, but I decided that was a little too close to stalking for my liking so I turned away and didnt. But if I had, I'm sure I'd have seen you. If only I was more stalkery. Or stalkeresque.