Putting Honey B., Sexual Consultant to bed

The second Honey B. book in the sexotic quintet about a retired sex professional has been put to bed. That means I am done writing it and even done correcting it for publication. As with the first volume, Honey B., The Suite Life, this is a frank and detailed consideration of sexuality. Explicit, informative, oddly thoughtful. This is book #11 in the Private Publications of Kathleen K., independent author and counter-culture commentator.

put something to bed

Fig. to complete work on something and send it on to the next step in production, especially in publishing. (From put someone to bed.) This week’s edition is finished. Let’s put it to bed. Finish the editing of this book and put it to bed.

I give Frank advice about Dick. That’s the perfect take on my attitude: an obvious message, a twist of wit. These tête-à-têtes rustle past the social facts and get to the frustration. Sex consultations are a forum for direct language and tart dialog about physique and technique. I am not going to force people forward since that doesn’t work, I am going to beckon to them, I’m up ahead here… just for now, come this way.

Cocks and cunnies and the abyss in between. Men have such peculiar beliefs about what happens when they unsheathe their phallic arsenal: I have to tell them women will not swoon simply because Dick Ball-Ball bobbed into view; I have to tell them that women have a wide-focus view on a man’s sexuality with the groin area central but not supreme. When women want to please a man they are goal-directed as suits his nature but when seeking their own gratification the action is progressive.

I have to tell women that men do not, as a rule, care about what women care about so that is not a viable avenue of exchange in the boudoir. Women, oh… dear. It is so much more direct than your magazines are telling you. You have got to HANDLE your man. Get your mitts on him. Grope the guy. Men don’t work on a figurative level for sex, it’s corporeal (the exact word for having physical substance), actions matter. Women need to translate their dramatic-romantic fantasies into tangible gestures applied directly and repeatedly. Men have trained their dicks by vigorous spanking, it takes a sustained effort to achieve liftoff; cooing and coaxing won’t work, you have got to bang it out.

We talk about pity fucks, and get-off-already sex; we talk about really really good sex where you’re slippin’ and slidin’, and crazy primal sex which usually involves an unexpected pairing. There is something sexually galvanizing when a person previously considered unsuitable-unattainable is doing it with you. Doing it. It’s humping in a bathroom at a house party, it’s being picked up in a bar and renting a room-by-the-hour because neither of you had ever done that. Unfettered by the usual connections, these episodes flare in our imaginations, they set the bar for sexual events that follow. Their unpredictability is part of their value. You just never know.

You just never know.

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Brandy fantasized about dropping to her knees in front of a man and liberating his cock from his pants so she could conquer it with her face, run it along her cheek, knock it against her lips, until it was bursting, juicy, and at the moment of ejaculation the man would fall back, satiated, but she would still have the cock in her mouth, it would stretch and stretch as he fell away.

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Brandy wanted to drive to the bus station nearest the nearest minimum security prison because she knew that parolees were dropped there as their last official act in the system. Only bona fide sponsor relatives could pick you up at the gate, but she wasn’t thinking of a guy with a family. She wanted to give a lift to a newly freed man with no place special to go. She wanted to be driving and feel his need shimmer between them. She would pull over to the side of the road and tell him he had five minutes to lick and tickle but he’d have to wait for the rest. She’d wear something easy to get his hands into, a loose skirt, a tight shirt with only two buttons. She’d have on a garter belt, obviously, and no panties, naturally, and she’d come on his thumb when he cupped her crotch the way she liked.

Contrary to the simplistic idea that the man would insist on getting his penis inside her immediately, she was convinced it was more important that someone acknowledge his appeal to women That he wanted her was obvious, he wanted to see her want him. He’d kept this side of himself hidden in prison, locked away even from his own realization for the most part, and here was someone celebrating his glorious hard on, coaxing his groans. She was sure he’d come, a messy scream of semen and success: he was free, it was happening! He’d come his heart out for her. Because she’d do the same for him

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Several women have complained to me about their breast implants, either as the main topic or in asides when relating details of their sexual lives. It isn’t bad enough they didn’t like their original boobs, they found the fake ones stuck out fine but otherwise were troublesome. These things never rested! They jutted out at all times no matter what position the body assumed. Many men think they look fine but are less impressed by their relentless buoyancy. Faux tits don’t spread like the real thing when you are chest to chest, they don’t jiggle when they bounce, they are like balloons full to bursting (boing boing not bobble-wobble). My opinion is that the body has made it clear it dislikes foreign substances and in the main you should stick to original parts unless the alternative is no part: reconstruct after loss, sure, but leave the outward appearance to your tailor not your surgeon. People who see you naked should see the real you, the rest of the world can see the mask and costume.

I advocate removal of implants when possible, you can tuck up the extra skin and be thankful for the memories. Women who agree to this have made peace with their adventure to Bazooms’R Us and not coincidentally also have sex partners who love more than just the cup size of their bras. Newer methods of bust enhancement produce a more lifelike imitation but this is where one’s ethics or common sense comes in. My scientific sense says stay out of the operating room for your cosmetology.

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Barney didn’t care what Carol’s tits felt like, he rarely touched them. He looked at them. He stared at them. He asked her to walk bare-chested around the house. He bought her dozens of bras which he loved to watch her take off. If he entered her body from the back it was in front of a mirror so he could see her titties, if he was on top he was lifted above her so he could look down at her nips. He fell into a trance, mesmerized by watching her knockers bounce and sway, which extended his stamina to pleasing lengths. Carol had surprised him by scheduling herself for a modest breast augmentation in honor of his 40th birthday. She didn’t mind this insignificant aspect of their love life. She got plenty of attention, sufficient stimulation and honest appreciation. He was a tit man. It worked to make him frisky, that’s all she knew. (She decided to have them tightened and gently rounded, nothing ostentatious. Fine tuning, not a renovation. See, not everybody does what I suggest but I concede Carol had the right idea for them.)

They were buying erotic artwork through me, the breast info came up when we were discussing the purchase of a painting I thought they’d like: a frontal nude. Carol said, oh, no, she wasn’t going to have Barney staring holes through the canvas, and I realized that although the female breast was featured in many of their choices it was the swell from the side, the strain against fabric, with the crown never fully revealed. For Barney’s fiftieth birthday she assembled a collage of twenty-five female frontal nudes and mounted it on a reversible frame, the other side featured an art print. She wrapped it so he exposed the neutral print first, then asked him to turn it around and hold it up so she could see it, and there were the fifty tits right in front of his eyes! Big, small, dark, light, round, oblong, puffy, upturned, jutting! Carol and Barney used the hanging as a signal, boob side out when they were home alone and sex was in the air.

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[…] another post in this series that describes completing a manuscript, Putting Honey B., Sexual Consultant, to Bed, which I reference here in its entirety. Each book is another statement piece for my rowdier […]