Relax, be confident and just go with it. I found when you didn't care if you got something, you ended up getting it.

How does one act "confident"? That's always been my issue when people say things like this (not that they're wrong!). Nobody can explain to me what "confident" acts like, or how to arrive there. For someone who has never been truly confident in his entire life, this is as foreign a concept as quantum mechanics is to a layperson.

I'm not even confident when I know for certain that I'm going to win a race. I know the lap times of all the competition, but I'm still unnerved by all the things that can go wrong (including just being shiat behind the wheel that day). Some of us have never known confidence.

Relax, be confident and just go with it. I found when you didn't care if you got something, you ended up getting it.

When it comes to other people, it really isn't that simple. I've been told by so many women, "You're the perfect person to date/marry, however you are too short by a few inches. I won't date anyone I can't wear high heels with." Pretty consistent comment that I don't make enough money to overcome (and I am not really interested enough to wear shoe inserts or stupid crap like that).

Really two ways to "act confident" - trial and error.. You are never going to get comfortable doing something you hardly ever do. Go some place social and just talk to people, not to look for a date, to simply talk to people. If you are going to look for a date, your right back to being socially awkward because you know your there and you start trying hard again.

@pkellmey

Dude, you are in the wrong crowd, sounds like some real stuck up witches. Try looking in OTHER places, or even trying something like "events and adventures"

meet up with people who enjoy doing similar things rather then going out "date hunting", that is honestly the best way to beat social awkwardness. And it works with job interviews, I interviewed awful, I applied for jobs I didnt want to just do the interview - got much better and nailed it after that every time. People smell when your "trying too hard" - and you also start to give off those socially awkward cues, tapping, looking away , staring at your meal.... that kinda crap.

Relax, be confident and just go with it. I found when you didn't care if you got something, you ended up getting it.

How does one act "confident"? That's always been my issue when people say things like this (not that they're wrong!). Nobody can explain to me what "confident" acts like, or how to arrive there. For someone who has never been truly confident in his entire life, this is as foreign a concept as quantum mechanics is to a layperson.

I'm not even confident when I know for certain that I'm going to win a race. I know the lap times of all the competition, but I'm still unnerved by all the things that can go wrong (including just being shiat behind the wheel that day). Some of us have never known confidence.

/could really use this class

Arrogant, uncaring and definitely not needing said person in your life.

Relax, be confident and just go with it. I found when you didn't care if you got something, you ended up getting it.

When it comes to other people, it really isn't that simple. I've been told by so many women, "You're the perfect person to date/marry, however you are too short by a few inches. I won't date anyone I can't wear high heels with." Pretty consistent comment that I don't make enough money to overcome (and I am not really interested enough to wear shoe inserts or stupid crap like that).

It's a shame that there are no women shorter than you out there, then. Tough to believe, but I wouldn't dare impugn your credibility or imply that you should maybe stop trying to hit on 6' tall amazons.

MassAsster:Dude, you are in the wrong crowd, sounds like some real stuck up witches.

See, I read that the other way... He's apparently unwilling to lower his standards and look for girls his height or less, but when confronted with women who are unwilling to lower their standards for height, he suggests that it's all really about money. Basically, some woman says "sorry, you're too short for me" and he calls her a whore, and she's the stuck up witch?

Theaetetus:MassAsster: Dude, you are in the wrong crowd, sounds like some real stuck up witches.

See, I read that the other way... He's apparently unwilling to lower his standards and look for girls his height or less, but when confronted with women who are unwilling to lower their standards for height, he suggests that it's all really about money. Basically, some woman says "sorry, you're too short for me" and he calls her a whore, and she's the stuck up witch?

Well , the way I read this is he stating that they say, in their own words, he matches all the qualities they are looking for, minus the look. Sounds rather shallow to me. A difference of a matter of height has just changed the whole outlook on the person you thought was "the perfect man to marry" ? I doubt that... What was the real reason behind the blow off, because I don't think it was what was told to him..

Kuroshin:How does one act "confident"? That's always been my issue when people say things like this (not that they're wrong!). Nobody can explain to me what "confident" acts like, or how to arrive there. For someone who has never been truly confident in his entire life, this is as foreign a concept as quantum mechanics is to a layperson.

This is of course the chief difficulty in meeting people, and difficult to explain. However, I've been at it for a long time and feel there are two big things that can help, psychologically:1. Learn how to identify yourself as something that you're proud of. Example: when I was in the Navy, I was stationed in Norfolk, an area completely infested with squids (and all the other services as well) and so most women had a lot of attention from sailors that left them with a bad impression. Some guys would just pretend to not be in the Navy (shaven head, windshield decals and all). I said: no. I took pride in my work, I took pride in what it took for me to be there, and was never ashamed to speak with enthusiasm about my life. Women, and honestly people in general responded positively to that. If you can't describe what you do for a living without looking broken-hearted, you're already putting yourself at a disadvantage.

2. Avoid objectifying women. I don't mean just as sex objects, because you do want to be able to compliment their looks and style, but avoid seeing them as an objective. I've been granted this ability mostly because I've been dating someone almost continuously (with a few gaps between relationships that were relatively short) for 20 years. I was never desperate to score, or even find a new relationship. If you can just treat every meeting as a chance to practice being yourself, as opposed to a job interview it can really cut down on nerves and keep you from pressing the wrong buttons or getting a desperate look in your eye.

pkellmey:When it comes to other people, it really isn't that simple. I've been told by so many women, "You're the perfect person to date/marry, however you are too short by a few inches. I won't date anyone I can't wear high heels with." Pretty consistent comment that I don't make enough money to overcome (and I am not really interested enough to wear shoe inserts or stupid crap like that).

That would be infuriating. I'd recommend taking singing or guitar lessons and joining a band. Women love that sh*t.

Relax, be confident and just go with it. I found when you didn't care if you got something, you ended up getting it.

How does one act "confident"? That's always been my issue when people say things like this (not that they're wrong!). Nobody can explain to me what "confident" acts like, or how to arrive there. For someone who has never been truly confident in his entire life, this is as foreign a concept as quantum mechanics is to a layperson.

I'm not even confident when I know for certain that I'm going to win a race. I know the lap times of all the competition, but I'm still unnerved by all the things that can go wrong (including just being shiat behind the wheel that day). Some of us have never known confidence.

/could really use this class

I actually agree with you 100% Someone can't behave confidently if they don't have confidence. I think that saying that to someone is a load of crap. I never had confidence until I was about 26 or so. I tried to behave confidently but without believing in myself it was impossible. Now I don't need to try to behave confidently because I simply have confidence. You can't fake it. Although having a fat wallet would probably help to minimize any lack of confidence.

Relax, be confident and just go with it. I found when you didn't care if you got something, you ended up getting it.

How does one act "confident"? That's always been my issue when people say things like this (not that they're wrong!). Nobody can explain to me what "confident" acts like, or how to arrive there. For someone who has never been truly confident in his entire life, this is as foreign a concept as quantum mechanics is to a layperson.

I'm not even confident when I know for certain that I'm going to win a race. I know the lap times of all the competition, but I'm still unnerved by all the things that can go wrong (including just being shiat behind the wheel that day). Some of us have never known confidence.

/could really use this class

I actually agree with you 100% Someone can't behave confidently if they don't have confidence. I think that saying that to someone is a load of crap. I never had confidence until I was about 26 or so. I tried to behave confidently but without believing in myself it was impossible. Now I don't need to try to behave confidently because I simply have confidence. You can't fake it. Although having a fat wallet would probably help to minimize any lack of confidence.

Acting like your have confidence is simply a matter of comfort.. when your comfortable , you are way more confident- Can't be comfortable with something you never do, or when you do it, your always under pressure to do it right.

MassAsster:Dude, you are in the wrong crowd, sounds like some real stuck up witches. Try looking in OTHER places, or even trying something like "events and adventures"

No, really, completely consistent message from every crowd type and place. Unless if you've had this issue, it may be difficult to understand how consistent this message is from women. This is completely understandable where we have a society where women have acceptable fetishes over footwear. Money may overcome a lot of this type of attitude, for good reason. The process has as much to do with weeding through the statistics until you finally find someone tired enough not to care about what everyone else does as it does with all of the other possible factors that get involved when you are dealing with people.

MassAsster:A difference of a matter of height has just changed the whole outlook on the person you thought was "the perfect man to marry" ? I doubt that... What was the real reason behind the blow off, because I don't think it was what was told to him..

Probably because of things like this:

pkellmey:This is completely understandable where we have a society where women have acceptable fetishes over footwear. Money may overcome a lot of this type of attitude, for good reason.

pkellmey:MassAsster: Dude, you are in the wrong crowd, sounds like some real stuck up witches. Try looking in OTHER places, or even trying something like "events and adventures"

No, really, completely consistent message from every crowd type and place. Unless if you've had this issue, it may be difficult to understand how consistent this message is from women. This is completely understandable where we have a society where women have acceptable fetishes over footwear. Money may overcome a lot of this type of attitude, for good reason. The process has as much to do with weeding through the statistics until you finally find someone tired enough not to care about what everyone else does as it does with all of the other possible factors that get involved when you are dealing with people.

The logical side of me wants to believe your in a city, full of rather confident women who do the 9-5 thing and really hold their own, and have the ability to snag "the man they are looking for" because of the buffet of men around. I do agree with the last part, older woman of that type tend to come down to reality after "the man they are looking for" turns out to be a mirage.

"Like, I tell people I went to Harvard, and I can tell they're thinking I'm a douche bag."

Just leave that at home buddy. If anyone wants to know they'll ask. As in "WHERE THE FARK did you get a degree in anything?-

Seriously this guy is toast - he can't tell the difference between a twitchy little class and a full blown psych work-up.

This is old news anyway - it (Body Language) was huge in the late 1970'sMom was right again, if you live long enough everything comes around again.

This, as in so many things, needs to be internalized in order to work for you. IOW's if you have to think about it - the moment's passed. Try bartending, it's a great way to figure out the stiff from Mr or Ms Generous

MassAsster:Theaetetus: MassAsster: Dude, you are in the wrong crowd, sounds like some real stuck up witches.

See, I read that the other way... He's apparently unwilling to lower his standards and look for girls his height or less, but when confronted with women who are unwilling to lower their standards for height, he suggests that it's all really about money. Basically, some woman says "sorry, you're too short for me" and he calls her a whore, and she's the stuck up witch?

Well , the way I read this is he stating that they say, in their own words, he matches all the qualities they are looking for, minus the look. Sounds rather shallow to me. A difference of a matter of height has just changed the whole outlook on the person you thought was "the perfect man to marry" ? I doubt that... What was the real reason behind the blow off, because I don't think it was what was told to him..

I've heard of plenty of girls who have rejected guys for seemingly petty reasons like 'too short' or 'not ambitious enough' (in other words, doesn't earn enough money). Women can be quite shallow. But that stuff almost always happens on the first date. Girl decides she will be OK going out with short guy, goes out with him, decides she doesn't like being seen in public with short guy, dumps him.

I've never heard of a girl saying 'You'd be perfect for me if not for the fact that you are not tall enough'. That would be a horrible thing to say to someone. Girls can be damned shallow, but even the shallow ones aren't usually totally heartless.

See, I read that the other way... He's apparently unwilling to lower his standards and look for girls his height or less, but when confronted with women who are unwilling to lower their standards for height, he suggests that it's all really about money. Basically, some woman says "sorry, you're too short for me" and he calls her a whore, and she's the stuck up witch?

Well , the way I read this is he stating that they say, in their own words, he matches all the qualities they are looking for, minus the look. Sounds rather shallow to me. A difference of a matter of height has just changed the whole outlook on the person you thought was "the perfect man to marry" ? I doubt that... What was the real reason behind the blow off, because I don't think it was what was told to him..

I've heard of plenty of girls who have rejected guys for seemingly petty reasons like 'too short' or 'not ambitious enough' (in other words, doesn't earn enough money). Women can be quite shallow. But that stuff almost always happens on the first date. Girl decides she will be OK going out with short guy, goes out with him, decides she doesn't like being seen in public with short guy, dumps him.

I've never heard of a girl saying 'You'd be perfect for me if not for the fact that you are not tall enough'. That would be a horrible thing to say to someone. Girls can be damned shallow, but even the shallow ones aren't usually totally heartless.

I once had a girl tell me "You'd be perfect for me if not for the fact that you are not a girl". Talk about shallow.

Relax, be confident and just go with it. I found when you didn't care if you got something, you ended up getting it.

When it comes to other people, it really isn't that simple. I've been told by so many women, "You're the perfect person to date/marry, however you are too short by a few inches. I won't date anyone I can't wear high heels with." Pretty consistent comment that I don't make enough money to overcome (and I am not really interested enough to wear shoe inserts or stupid crap like that).

It's a shame that there are no women shorter than you out there, then. Tough to believe, but I wouldn't dare impugn your credibility or imply that you should maybe stop trying to hit on 6' tall amazons.

Maybe he LIKES 6' tall amazons... Everyone has a preference, y'know.

/mine would be average-height gingers//doesn't stop me from dating short brunettes, though

I had a lot of trouble until I stopped giving a shiat... I used to be terrified of rejection, which of course showed through my body language. Now, I just go out and have fun. What happens, happens.

Kuroshin:How does one act "confident"? That's always been my issue when people say things like this (not that they're wrong!). Nobody can explain to me what "confident" acts like, or how to arrive there. For someone who has never been truly confident in his entire life, this is as foreign a concept as quantum mechanics is to a layperson.

I'm not even confident when I know for certain that I'm going to win a race. I know the lap times of all the competition, but I'm still unnerved by all the things that can go wrong (including just being shiat behind the wheel that day). Some of us have never known confidence.

/could really use this class

Take 3 percocet and go out interacting. That is how you should be acting.

Tat'dGreaser:I'm just glad that I'm forever alone because I'm ugly and boring, at least I'm not creepy

If you look at an attractive woman in a way that even slightly gives away the fact that you think she's pretty, and she thinks that you aren't anywhere close to being in her league (as in, she would find it insulting that you asked her out), you're creepy.

The sound of one hand clapping:I've heard of plenty of girls who have rejected guys for seemingly petty reasons like 'too short' or 'not ambitious enough' (in other words, doesn't earn enough money). Women can be quite shallow. But that stuff almost always happens on the first date. Girl decides she will be OK going out with short guy, goes out with him, decides she doesn't like being seen in public with short guy, dumps him.I've never heard of a girl saying 'You'd be perfect for me if not for the fact that you are not tall enough'. That would be a horrible thing to say to someone. Girls can be damned shallow, but even the shallow ones aren't usually totally heartless.

Did it occur to you that maybe the women are rejecting the guys because they just don't like them that much? But don't ever try to tell a guy that--he'll just come back with "but we can keep trying!" or "but we haven't dated long enough!" or "What do you want me to do, I'll do it!" (especially if you've slept with them.) No, since to a man chemistry means nothing, just saying "sorry, but I just don't like you enough" isn't good enough. You need a REASON.

Repo Man:Tat'dGreaser: I'm just glad that I'm forever alone because I'm ugly and boring, at least I'm not creepy

If you look at an attractive woman in a way that even slightly gives away the fact that you think she's pretty, and she thinks that you aren't anywhere close to being in her league (as in, she would find it insulting that you asked her out), you're creepy.

That attitude--where a woman is insulted if the guy asking her out is too short/ugly/poor/whatever--baffles me. Any offer of a date should be seen as a compliment, even if you turn it down.

cryinoutloud:The sound of one hand clapping: I've heard of plenty of girls who have rejected guys for seemingly petty reasons like 'too short' or 'not ambitious enough' (in other words, doesn't earn enough money). Women can be quite shallow. But that stuff almost always happens on the first date. Girl decides she will be OK going out with short guy, goes out with him, decides she doesn't like being seen in public with short guy, dumps him.I've never heard of a girl saying 'You'd be perfect for me if not for the fact that you are not tall enough'. That would be a horrible thing to say to someone. Girls can be damned shallow, but even the shallow ones aren't usually totally heartless.

Did it occur to you that maybe the women are rejecting the guys because they just don't like them that much? But don't ever try to tell a guy that--he'll just come back with "but we can keep trying!" or "but we haven't dated long enough!" or "What do you want me to do, I'll do it!" (especially if you've slept with them.) No, since to a man chemistry means nothing, just saying "sorry, but I just don't like you enough" isn't good enough. You need a REASON.

So there's your reason--you're too short. Try arguing about that.

You bring up a very valid point. And I can sympathize with women. I've seen loads of guys do what you said (They don't get a straight answer for the break up so they keep trying to preassure the woman into reconsidering). And I'm sure that plenty of women don't mean it when they say things like 'you're too short'. But I've talked to quite a few women over the years and being a tall guy myself, they don't feel the need to hold back about how they feel about short guys. Obviously I'm not talking about guys who are 5'8. But the guys who are 5'6 and below seem to have an uphill battle (no pun intended) when it comes to winning over some women's hearts.

Plus I've been on dating websites for a few months and I've seen quite a few profiles where the women outright say 'no guys shorter than me, sorry'. And sure, they have every right to do that if they want. It's their choice. Just seems silly to write of an entire group of people based on one factor. I like petite women but there's no way in hell I'm gonna rule out dating every woman above the height of 5'5 because I might miss out on someone really special.

Repo Man:If you look at an attractive woman in a way that even slightly gives away the fact that you think she's pretty, and she thinks that you aren't anywhere close to being in her league (as in, she would find it insulting that you asked her out), you're creepy.

Ever notice that the ones that get offended like that are never more than 70% as attractive as they think they are? And the really pretty ones don't get offended? I was out to dinner with my wife on Friday and we were listening to the woman at the next table complain, at length, about the "trolls" that had been hitting on her. Finally, I needed to see this goddess that thought she deserved the Brad Pitts of the world. Had a face like chewed gum, her clothes were a size too small and her hair was in desperate need of a hot oil treatment.

cryinoutloud:The sound of one hand clapping: I've heard of plenty of girls who have rejected guys for seemingly petty reasons like 'too short' or 'not ambitious enough' (in other words, doesn't earn enough money). Women can be quite shallow. But that stuff almost always happens on the first date. Girl decides she will be OK going out with short guy, goes out with him, decides she doesn't like being seen in public with short guy, dumps him.I've never heard of a girl saying 'You'd be perfect for me if not for the fact that you are not tall enough'. That would be a horrible thing to say to someone. Girls can be damned shallow, but even the shallow ones aren't usually totally heartless.

Did it occur to you that maybe the women are rejecting the guys because they just don't like them that much? But don't ever try to tell a guy that--he'll just come back with "but we can keep trying!" or "but we haven't dated long enough!" or "What do you want me to do, I'll do it!" (especially if you've slept with them.) No, since to a man chemistry means nothing, just saying "sorry, but I just don't like you enough" isn't good enough. You need a REASON.

So there's your reason--you're too short. Try arguing about that.

Bingo.

You are not too short; they just don't want to date you.

If someone doesn't want to date you, just accept that. If you demand a reason (or if they just offer one to make themselves feel better), ignore it.

Scenario A) You are poor -> she chooses the guy with the BMW and nice suit.

Scenario B) You are rich -> you think her left knee is pointy.

------

Women

Scenario A) You are poor -> want a fark?

Scenario B) You are rich -> like my abs and tan?

(this could be a bit overly simplified)

Well, that's totally accurate from a man's POV, but it's actually a good deal more complicated for women.

Says someone who describes herself as "[p]retty much exactly as interesting as everyone else on Fark."

Do tell me of the complications of women. I've been explaining that men, in fact, can be individuals and have differing interests for YEARS. But "all men ___" is still the classic, sometimes sarcastic, opener for a female-oriented article.