On Friday 27 February, Big Think partner PwC hosted its second global webcast focused on the question, ‘What would you do if you were not afraid?’ The webcast was part of ‘Aspire to Lead: The PwC Women’s...

Why You Should Teach Your Children to Believe in the Romantic Ideal

If I were to give you advice on what to tell your daughter, who say, is a 13-years-old adolescent, I would definitely present all kinds of options to her as really valid. I would present the heterosexual family as a model. I would also say should could live a full life as a single person with friends who raise a child whether as a responsible community of adults, or through a partnership with another woman.

Two, I would tell her to distrust the general distrust of love. I think we live in a culture in which most parents are telling their children that the idea of romantic love in movies and novels should not be trusted. And of course I am aware of the reason why it should not be trusted but there is also a greatness in that ideal, which I would not want to give up on.

I would invite her to think about what is required for great love. It could be, for example, that living through life with a person you have come to trust and know deeply would require you, for example, to engage in polyamory - loving other people while having a long-term relationship.

What I’m saying simply is that I would not dismiss so easily the great ideal of romantic love and of a unique love, and of living one’s life with someone else who you have come to love deeply and care for deeply. That is something that many teenagers now learn a bit too easily to dismiss because it has become quite cliché. The cliché is that romantic love is a cliché.

I would also try to teach my daughter not to tie her self-worth to her romantic life. It would be extremely important for me to teach her to disentangle the two. I would tell her very forcefully that her failures are not necessarily due to her own failings or her own lack of objective worth.

I would try to teach her the value of settling down. It’s not a philosophy of resignation; it is a philosophy that would demand that one sees beauty and worth where it exists.