The three “losers” then compete in an Elimination Challenge, and then the two on the bottom will be subjected to a Trial by Blind Tasting to see who goes home. The celebs look as if someone just tried to explain the BCS to them. I feel their pain sense of total, utter confusion.

Also, I am not one for conspiracy theories, BUT… Three celebs remain on each team. Three judges. Three dishes. Coincidence? I think not.

The match ups (in no particular the order in which they occurred):

Coolio vs. LDP – the judge is Marcus Samuelsson, and his dish is fried chicken. Seriously, Chef, is that the best you could come up with? LDP decides to use an egg wash on his chicken; Chefs Conant and Samuelsson aren’t so sure about that. Coolio adds hot sauce to his buttermilk, in addition to making his own “hot sauce,” using Sriracha, adds corn starch to thicken it (!?). He also makes cornbread patties as a side dish. LDP ends up with fried chicken w/collard greens and a honey/soy/ginger dipping sauce. Chef Guarnaschelli has a strong reaction to Coolio’s use of corn starch as a thickener for his hot sauce, saying that “Coolio is a crime against food,” then calling him “Corn Starch Coolio.” There were no comments at all on the sides – only on the chicken.

Joey vs. Taylor – the judge is Scott Conant, and the dish is Spaghetti w/tomato and basil sauce. Chef Conant stresses that “Simplicity is key” – but being Italian helps. Taylor admits she has never done this before, which DOESN’T TELEGRAPH THE OUTCOME AT ALL, NOSIREE! Joey uses canned tomatoes, while Taylor uses fresh. Joey is fancy and flashy: Taylor is simple and reads the menu. Taylor is searching for the right pasta: Rachael suggested bucatini, but Taylor isn’t an esperto di pasta, so of course she has to spend a lot of time in the pantry, searching. She finally finds the bucatini, then sets the pasta bag on fire, temporarily. Why is Guy giving Joey a lot of advice during the cooking? Why is Joey continuing to add stuff to his dish? The judges note that Joey “put his heart and soul” into the dish. Also, every ingredient in the kitchen. Scott Conant had nicer things to say about Taylor’s dish. Is this the sign of a possible upset victory?

Cheech vs. Summer – the judge is Alex Guarnaschelli, and her favorite dish is a giant porterhouse steak on the bone, w/compound butter and parsley. Summer admits to NEVER HAVING GRILLED A STEAK BEFORE IN HER WHOLE LIFE, which of course doesn’t mean anything! Rachael suggests Summer prepare a ribeye, and Guy tells Cheech to go with the porterhouse. Guy also suggests fennel AND RED ONION. Guy Fieri, suggesting red onion with Scott Conant as a judge? Have you ever even watched CHOPPED!? Now it’s Rachael’s turn to kibitz “coach” her celeb. This reminds me of the Dilbert cartoon where PHB micro-manages Dilbert as he moves a mouse. Summer goes for the steak flambe. Scott Conant telegraphs the outcome declares that Summer is “completely out of her league.” Summer goes for a Bloody Mary-infused butter, with a Bloody Mary shooter on the side. This one went right down to the wire! Chef Conant loves Summer’s butter, and her steak is cooked perfectly. Chef Guarnaschelli loves Cheech’s slaw, while the other two weren’t so impressed with his butter. Is this a sign of another upset – or editorial mis-direction?

I am left with a question: how does this challenge show off the celebs’ Mad Cooking Skillz? It seems to me to be more about “how well they can handle the stress of Rachael and Guy engaging in a bit of rear-seat cooking.”

During the break: a commercial for Fat Chef. TRUE FACT: I will not be blogging this show. Even if I was paid in McRibs with a Bacon Explosion thrown in as a signing bonus.

This means that LDP, Joey, and Cheech will meet in the firstElimination Challenge. Their mission: make the best Grilled Cheese Sandwich. LDP goes with prosciutto, sun dried tomato, basil, and what appears to be a hard cheese; Cheech uses smoked gouda, prosciutto, and sourdough bread; while Joey settles on cheddar (and maybe ham?), with a pickle on the side. He then adds a pair of small tomatoes. LDP has problems with the cheese melting, and Cheech combines that with a greasy sandwich. Hey Cheech, I love smoked Gouda too, but if I use it on a grilled cheese sandwich I have to blend it with something softer and meltier. Joey arranges the tomatoes and pickle in the form of a smiley face on his sandwich.

Once the cooking is done, the celebs leave the room and the judges enter for the firstBlind Tasting. Rachael notices the smiley face on Joey’s sandwich. They both notice that the cheese on both the other sandwiches didn’t melt.

The celebs return: Rachael and G declare Joey’s the best. Joey faints when he heard the news. Again, simple is best. As is making sure the cheese melts.

(Which brings up a minor rant: while a grilled cheese sandwich may be about the cheese melting, it is also about three ingredients: bread, butter… and cheese. No ham [fancy Italian ham or otherwise], no veggies, not even BACON! All of which are wonderful add-ons – but they make it something other than a grilled cheese sandwich. Just saying.)

LDP has the second-best dish, which means that Cheech is heading home. Cheech heads out to “join the girl from The Next Top Model” (his actual words).

LDP ends up by blurting out some Texas phrase about not being bitten twice by a dog. Which probably hails from the same part of Texas as Dolly Parton (Gratuitous Top Chef: Texas reference FTW!)

Next week: cooking from food carts. Because everybody (but Houston) is doing it!