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So a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go bear hunting with him. Seems that a couple townships in NJ are having problems with bears and they want to thin the population. They held a lottery for hunting permits and he said that he had won one, and asked me if I'd like to go with him.

I thought about it and accepted. He said he'd stop by and give me a list of what I should bring. So he brings me a list the following Friday. It said:

A shovel,
A can opener,
A can of peas,
A five gallon bucket filled with ashes.

I looked at the list and asked him what this had to do with bear hunting?

So he says: We have to find a trail that's well traveled by the bears. You'll have to take the shovel and dig a pit 10x10x10. Once you're done with that, take the bucket of ashes and dump them down in the pit.

Then you use the can opener to open the can of peas, and spread them evenly around the outer edge of the pit.

After that's all done we have to hide in the bushes and wait.

If we're very quiet and we hear a bear come along, we wait for him to stop to take a pea, and kick him in the ash.

I took my buddy bear hunting once. We were settling down for the night when I thought I heard something, he claims he didnt hear anything. A few seconds later I heard something again and looked out the tent flap and lo and behold there was a big ass bear out there. With the guns safely locked in the car I started putting my shoes on as my buddy kept yelling what to do. He noticed me putting on my shoes and asked what I was doing, we cant outrun a bear.... I looked at him and said: Nope, all I got to do is outrun you !