To those who have decided to peripherally monitor this train to see of it goes off the rails, I feel obligated to inform you that I am not a same time every day writer. It comes when it comes and the schedule allows. I would love to be a same time every day AM writer. Alas, there are days when I am a PM writer, and even late night writer. (In fact, that is most days) Happy Scribing.

Jan. 31/Feb 1 – Days 92 & 93 – 1100 Words

The beginning of another writing week and I honestly don’t know what to say. Why? And why don’t I prearrange topics for these updates? *shrugs* If I were that type of writer, I would have had a full detailed outline before starting Irony 3, instead of taking the ‘rough draft of an outline and dive right in’ approach. I suppose I could say that I got the job done and advanced the book another 1100 words. Would that do it for you? No? Heard that before, huh? I suppose I could inform you that there is a new Irony 3 or Bust video, located at the bottom of my Home page?

“You told them that last update.”Did I? oh, what do you know, I did. How about that? Okay, then, um, oh, I know what I have never done here before.“Tell the truth?”I have to give it to you, that was good, had me laughing out loud.“I’d like to thank the Academy for--”Alright, alright, you lose points for being a ham about it. Besides, it’s not true. I have been forthright with the Irony 3 Novel Train passengers.“Forth-what?”Forthright, you know, honest.“Geez, get a load of fancy-word-pants Sally over there. Why didn’t you just say honest?”You want me to say honest?“Yeah, let me hear it.”

I am honestly certain that your butting in days on this update are over. Hmm, you know what? He’s right. Next time, I will just say honest. Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was going to say that I have never posted any content from the previous two books. I mean, yeah, you can sample the first few chapters from smashwords or Amazon, but I haven’t posted any of it here. So, that is what I am going to do. For this update, I give you the first three chapters of Irony Book 1 The Animal. Happy writing people.

Feb. 2/3 – Days 94 & 95 – 1022 Words

Ugh.You read correctly, I began this update with an Ugh. Since you are busting at the seams to find out--“Deluded much?”--I will tell you. I am in that bog point of the book again. The part where you just want it to be over. The part where you wouldn’t care if the pages cheated on you and left and never came back. Okay, maybe not the cheating part, because with my luck it would run away with some bestselling something or other author, and be #1 on Amazon in a week.“Yeah, after they rewrote it, changed the title, main characters and plot."

Anyway *eyeroll* on to day 94. It was kind of a rough writing day, as the words needed extra convincing to jump onto the page. Did I mention I was in chapter 17? No? Well, I am in chapter 17, and on the cusp where things are going to start moving fast for my MC. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s got some trouble coming! He will know it soon enough, though.

Day 95 brought with it the beginning of the trouble. A crucial resource has gone missing, and my two undercover officers have to improvise to get a job done. Of course, they run into trouble during the improvising, the least of which is one flipping out on the other for reasons the flipee doesn’t understand. Does that make sense?“Only to you.”It’s fine, moving on. Day 95 also brought with it Day 94’s need to convince the words to get onto the page. Finally, I just had a Mexican standoff with the blinking cursor and came out on top.

“I would hope so. It is just a cursor.”Yeah, right. Many a writer has been taken down by that little blinking son of a female dog.“Whoa! Language! Language! Aren’t their children in your video?”You mean the Irony 3 or Bust Novel Train video at the bottom of this site’s Home page, and also pinned to my twitter wall?“Yes—Wait, did you just use me to plug your stupid vide--?"Okay, then, well, that about wraps this loony puppy up. Yes, I would like to be finished yesterday, but I have a feeling that will change once I throw the book at my main character. Get it? Throw the book? “That’s it! I’m out of here.”Happy writing people. See Contact page for calendar blurbs.

Feb. 4/5 – Days 96 & 97 – 1024 Words

Man-oh-Man-oh-Man-oh-man. Let me say that again. Man-oh-Man-oh-Man-oh-man. Whew! Skunk sweat and porcupine quills. What do those two things describe? Exactly what it was like writing these past two days. A typed word followed a brain cramp. A brain cramp followed a typed word. Transition wilderness reigned, making these two of the worst writing days on this Novel Train trip to date. What is transition wilderness? As far as I know, I just made the phrase up. (Though, of course, I probably didn’t. I am sure you can find it somewhere in the context of what I am talking about.)

So, what does it mean? Transition wilderness, to me, is the space between segments of the book where you are either going from beginning (set-up) to middle (the house falling on your main character) to the end (satisfactory resolution of book conflicts that don’t wrankle the readers nose too much out of joint. A little wrankling? Okay - writer’s mystique prerogative. By the way, I am sure you can understand the meaning of the non-word ‘wrankle’ by how I used it. You don’t even want to know one of the definitions I just saw when I googled the word. Trust me.

Anyway, that is where I am now, making the transition from setup to middle. The house is about to fall on my MC. One event after another I want to drop in his lap and then turn up the heat near the end. The problem? First, beginning that sequence of events in the proper order. What is the proper order? The order which will bring the most chaotic symmetry. Chaotic symmetry? Another blog post, though the phrase kind of speaks for itself. The second problem is leaving enough room for reaction, or action, to each event and between each event, and knowing which ones to spend the most time on.

Of course, I know the main plot of my book. It is in the subtitle. (Fare is Fair) Still, I have established minor plot points that are major-ish and deserve considerable mention, and have to be worked out as well. So, what does that all mean? It means I am writing a book ladies and gentlemen, and the more I write, the better I will become at it. (At least, that is what they tell me.) Until then, and maybe even well into then, because novel writing is not an exact science, and anyone who tells you differently is selling wolf tickets, there will be days like 96 & 97, full of skunk sweat and porcupine quills. Happy writing. See Contact page for calendar blurbs.

Feb. 6 – Day 98 – 525 Words

I don’t feel like writing this update.“Then why are you doing it?”I don’t know.“What are you going to say?”I don’t know.“What do you know?”I don’t feel like writing this update.“Geez, which one am I? Abbot or Costello?”Wow, Abbot and Costello? Hop a ride on the way back machine, whydontcha. Though, I can’t front, as a child I enjoyed the reruns. Okay, so that about warps this loony puppy--“What about the book update?”End of writing week 14. Day 98. 525 words, blah blah blah, the end.“Is this the Novel Train? Or the ‘I Don’t Feel Like Writing This Update Train?”Oh, alright, but it’s going to be quick.

Let’s see…Oh, despite what it sounds like, I am quite happy to be at the conclusion of another writing week; especially, this one. Without a doubt, the roughest week on the rails since this caboose pulled out of the station, and that includes the two weeks I was as sick as Marcus Aurelius’ dog. (Week 12/Day 84) Coincidentally, since you were so kind to ask, I am doing much better, thank you. The bug is in my rear view mirror.

Day 98’s writing, to go along with this week’s theme, was like trying to find a soft landing spot on the ground following a parachute malfunction. In short, it sucked ostrich eggs. However, this is what I take with me; I hung in to my goal, pounded the keyboard one turtle-slow word at a time, and got the job done. It served me well remembering having done it in past books, and it will serve me well moving forward, for both this project and the next. I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this. And even if I turtle-slow the rest of the book to ‘The End,’ it will mean I have reached my destination for this Novel Train. And that, my friends, would be a beautiful thing. Happy writing. See Contact page for calendar blurbs.