When I was a young wife and mother, our small family of three always longed for a large extended family to sit around the table with at Thanksgiving and other holidays. You’ve all seen the ads on TV where everyone from great-grandma to the toddler is gathered around the table. There is a perfectly prepared turkey in the center, surrounded by every conceivable side dish you could image. The problem was all our extended family lived in other parts of the country.

So we decided we would create our own large "family gatherings" made up of dear friends. There would always be room for more if we noticed anyone in the same situation that we used to be.

This plan was a great success. At one of our Thanksgivings, there were 27 new and old friends gathered around one loooong table. (The making of this "table" is story for another time.)

It was idyllic, but there was a down side. I had taken it on myself to prepare all the food. My friends had all offered to bring something but I thought I had to do it all and that everything had to be perfect. We even used real china that we had been passed down from various relatives.

I had worked so hard that by the time Thanksgiving finally arrived, I was too tired to even enjoy it.

This went on for several years, until my friends finally insisted on bringing food. They also beat me to the kitchen at clean-up time and started to work.

All of this got me thinking. Why was I doing all this? What was the point? What should these holidays be all about?

I realized that the point of all this was to be with the ones I loved. Relationships are what really matter in all of life, not things or money. My friends didn’t really care if my house was spotless. They enjoyed the food but if something wasn’t perfect, it didn’t matter.

I believe that I have learned some very valuable tips that I would like to pass on to all of you, especially you younger moms.

1. Use paper plates. This is a must! There are an abundance of beautiful paper goods that will create a very festive table and you will cut down on your clean up by at least 50%.

2. Use plastic utensils. I know many of you will think this is over the line but silverware is as time consuming to wash as dishes. Remember, you are trying to conserve your energy for enjoying your guests.

3. Don’t make anything from scratch. If others want to bring items made from scratch, let them, but don’t you do it.

4. Buy the rolls. Costco has the best rolls that taste very close to homemade. Again, this will save you a huge amount of time and energy.

5. Ditto for the pies. Again, Costco has great pies, as do many of the local supermarkets.

6. Don’t stress about cleaning the house. Block off rooms that are "not in use" for the occasion. If you have a two-story house, you are ahead of the game. There are some places that guests just shouldn’t go.

7. Serve the food from a buffet line. People can get their food faster and then go sit at the table or tables. (I have somehow gotten past the obsession of having everyone sit at the same table.)

8. Use nametags. We try to always invite a mix of people that don’t necessarily know each other. It’s a great icebreaker to wear a nametag, and saves your guests the embarrassment of forgetting a name.

9. Finally, always be willing to expand your circle of friends to include extra people who might have been alone if you hadn’t invited them. You will be a huge blessing in their lives, and you may meet someone who will become a close member of your self-made extended family.

I am looking forward to this years’ Thanksgiving Day to truly enjoy my loved ones, and hopefully, some new friends. I hope your holidays will be warm and bright, and a little more relaxed!

Editor's note: Today's post comes to us from Letty Johnson, a grandma of one living in Rancho Santa Margarita. Letty is Amy Stevens' mom, and has taught Amy everything she knows about hospitality and how to throw an awesome party.

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