The Snuggie Is Not an Item of Apparel

We knew people were losing money, but we didn’t know they were so poor they’d taken to wearing mail-order blankets, namely the Snuggie. It may have sleeves, but if it is not Halloween and you are not a member of a spiritual organization trying to sell pamphlets you printed from your home inkjet on the street, you have no real reason to wear something even resembling a blanket out of doors. We’d think people would be a tad embarrassed to own something probably invented by and for very lazy individuals, and those who did would only take it out in secret for those unfortunate at-home-alone-with-ice-cream nights. But apparently, wearing the Snuggie in public is a burgeoning trend.

Allen Salkin road-tested a Snuggie for the New York Times, wearing it out for a day on the subway, ice skating, and to a bar. He reports:

Apparently some Williamsburgers have taken to doing a Brooklyn pub crawl in Snuggies, as do fans in other cities. It isn’t hard to understand why. At Pianos bar on the Lower East Side, I could not even don my Snuggie before the woman sitting at the bar next to me, Jeanne Halal, squealed, “Snuggie!” and insisted on wearing it herself.

Most of the reactions Salkin received were positive. People actually supported his decision to wear the Snuggie outside. We cannot support this decision, and not just because it is the proper fashion-person stance to take. The main problem with wearing the Snuggie — aside from looking ridiculous — is how unwieldy and staticky it is. Salkin was repeatedly shocked, but also writes that the blanket, which is long and drags on the ground, picked up “a lot of lint and bits of twig and paper from the street.” So it’s a trash magnet.

Are the hipsters in the ‘Burg wearing the Snuggie to prove they’re so broke they can only afford to wear a $15 blanket and trash these days? You know, the new “laid-off” look? Because we’re pretty sure the Bedford Goodwill carries jackets with backs, zippers, and pockets. If they can’t afford to spend an extra $200 for that decades-old dirty look they may as well get the real thing.