The way family members and caregivers treat someone with Alzheimer's or dementia can have a huge impact on that person's comfort and well-being, according to Pamela Atwood, a gerontologist and the Director of Dementia Care Services at Hebrew Health Care in West Hartford.

Atwood spoke at the Riverfront Community Center on June 17, to what she called one of the largest audiences she's presented to. The turnout was great, she said, because it takes a community effort to care for those with dementia.

Atwood explained that dementia causes short-term memory loss, and that the most-recent information that goes into a person's brain is the first to be forgotten.

"Imagine your whole life on a VHS tape," she said. "While you're rewinding it, you're also accidentally erasing it. They may not remember their new grand-baby, but they can remember the house they grew up in as a child."

Triggers, Atwood said, will start bad (read: grumpy) behavior in Alzheimer's patients. What one would normally consider a pet peeve, the patient will get aggravated about, but not be able to verbalize why. She gave the example of a caregiver offering to give a patient a shower. The patient will be resistant if the shower is offered in the afternoon, when they are used to taking one in the morning, but they may not verbalize that, and that could frustrate the caregiver into believing that the person is resistant to showering. Instead, Atwood said, the patient should be asked if they'd like to take a shower now, or in the morning.

"It's the things that we're doing that can trigger behaviors," Atwood said.

Communication is key to dealing with people of cognitive impairment, as is understanding some important things about how people with dementia communicate.

"What we often forget is that when people are communicating with us in a negative way," Atwood said, "they are trying to express to us an unmet need, or some kind of message that we're missing."

A motto in dementia care is that "all behavior has meaning," Atwood said, adding that caregivers need to understand that there are reasons why someone is "acting up," and not to be dismissive.

Communication strategies for people living with dementia include giving choices when doing a task together, and repeating instructions. It also helps to break down the task into simple steps.

"You have to get very specific," Atwood said.

When having trouble being understood, one should allow more time for the dementia patient to process the information – some can take quite long. Also, demonstrating something visually helps, as can breaking down the instructions further. If nothing works, try a hug and a change of subject.

The stigma of dementia is something that should, and she believes will, go away, through better education and awareness, just as the stigma of cancer is really a thing of the past now.

"Where we were 30 years ago about cancer is where we are today with Alzheimer's disease," she said. "It takes a village to care for each other. One of the things I like about the towns in eastern Connecticut is that we're pretty good at doing that when we all come together."