An Open Letter to Julie Klausner

My boyfriend had a goatee when we first started dating. A few months later, after we had made the jump to “in a relationship” facebook statuses, I told him I didn’t like it. Whether to please me or because he was over it, he got rid of the stupid thing. Flash forward a year or so, and we now live together, sans facial hair.

I’ve been reading Julie Klausner’s book I Don’t Care About Your Band for about a week now. Yesterday, I got through a chapter on re-hooking up with an old fuck buddy who had since grown a terrible goatee. There are approximately two pages on how unattractive that particular brand of facial hair is, and my reaction to reading that passage was something like “ZOMG SHE’S SO RIGHT, AHHH I TOTES RELATE!!!!!! [sigh] I’m so glad the boyfriend got rid of that.”

About an hour later, he got home, with a fucking goatee.

[That seems like a good way to end this, but in case the Internet is wondering, I told him he looked like a rapist and he shaved it this morning. The end.]