Conan On Trump’s Latest Portrait Faux Pas

TranscriptCONAN: GRAMMY NOMINATIONS CAME OUT TODAY.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, YEAH.
OH, YEAH, I CLEANED UP.
[LAUGHTER]
CONAN: NO, GRAMMY NOMINATIONS CAME OUT.
GUESS WHAT, BERNIE SANDERS HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY AWARD FOR BEST AUDIO BOOK.
OF COURSE -- OF COURSE BERNIE SUPPORTERS ARE ALREADY COMPLAINING THAT THE GRAMMYS ARE RIGGED SO THAT HILLARY WILL WIN.
PRETTY BITTER ABOUT IT.
THEY'RE STILL BITTER.
PRINCE HARRY GETTING MARRIED.
THAT'S EXCITING NEWS.
GENEALOGY EXPERTS SAY THAT PRINCE HARRY AND HIS FIANCEE, MEGHAN MARKLE, ARE ACTUALLY DISTANT COUSINS.
AFTER HEARING THEY WERE RELATED, QUEEN ELIZABETH FINALLY GAVE THE COUPLE HER BLESSING.
ANDY: GOT TO KEEP THAT BLOOD LINE TIGHT.
CONAN: YEAH.
OF COURSE, PEOPLE ARE MAD AT PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR MEETING WITH NATIVE AMERICAN LEADERS IN FRONT OF A PORTRAIT OF ANTI-NATIVE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, ANDREW JACKSON.
YEAH.
EVEN WORSE, TODAY PRESIDENT TRUMP MET WITH HISPANIC LEADERS IN FRONT OF A PORTRAIT OF PRESIDENT TRUMP.
REALLY BUMMED PEOPLE OUT.
[APPLAUSE]
CONAN: THAT'S CRAZY.
HE'S GOING TO HAVE A PORTRAIT IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
ANDY: HE SURE IS.
I'M PARTICULARLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE HALL OF PRESIDENTS AT DISNEYLAND.
CONAN: I FORGOT ABOUT THAT, TOO.
HE'S GOING TO STAND UP.
I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO IT.
I WAS THINKING OF ALL KINDS OF STUFF AND I'M GOING TO LET IT GO.
SPEAKING OF TRUMP, THIS WEEK SECRETARY OF STATE REX TILLERSON SAID THAT RUSSIA ISN'T ACTING LIKE A RESPONSIBLE NATION.
YEAH.
PRESIDENT TRUMP AGREED, SAYING, THEY HAVEN'T PAID ME IN MONTHS.
THEY ARE WAY BEHIND.
I'M OWED MONEY.
I'M OWED BIG MONEY.
NICELY DONE, CONAN, YES.
I LIKE WHEN I GET, YEAH, YEAH.
THIS IS A GOOD SESSION OF PARLIAMENT.
BIG NEWS IN THE FAST FOOD WORLD.
ARBY'S HAS ACQUIRED BUFFALO WILD WINGS FOR $2.4 BILLION.
YEAH.
THEY DIDN'T MEAN TO BUT, LIKE A LOT OF US, ARBY'S GOT DRUNK AND BOUGHT TOO MANY WINGS.
THIS GUY SAID THAT JOKE WOULDN'T WORK.
HE WAS RIGHT.
HE'S LIKE, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
I'M LIKE, WE'LL TRY IT, SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
AUDIENCE -- A TUMBLEWEED BLEW THROUGH THE CROWD WHEN THAT JOKE WENT OUT.
ANDY: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
CONAN: IT'S A VOLUME BUSINESS!
WE MOVE A LOT OF JOKE MERCHANDISE HERE.
CAN'T GET ALL WORRIED ABOUT ONE JOKE!
ANDY: THAT'S RIGHT!
CONAN: HE'S WRONG SOMETIMES, TOO.
HERE WE GO.
MTV, MTV ANNOUNCED IT'S BRINGING BACK THE ORIGINAL CAST OF "JERSEY SHORE."
NO, I MEAN -- HOLD IT, HOLD ON.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
EVERY SINGLE CAST MEMBER WAS AVAILABLE.
[APPLAUSE]
IN INDIANA, A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER WAS CAUGHT IN HER CLASSROOM SNORTING COCAINE.
YEAH.
PEOPLE BECAME SUSPICIOUS WHEN PARENT/TEACHER CONFERENCES LASTED ONLY 10 SECONDS.
[APPLAUSE]
CONAN: COME ON, NOW!
THEY CYCLE THEM THROUGH PRETTY WELL.