Attempting to cut through the crap of religion in order to get to Jesus.

03/14/2012

Like a Child

I haven't had a lot to say for the last couple of days, because I have been a bit overwhelmed. I want to thank all of you for your generosity and love. Your prayers and support have been incredible. We even received gifts and prayers from people we didn't know, and it is a wonderful thing to make new friends and connections. We were able to get through all of our payments for March. In a couple of weeks, I may be a little worried again, but God is good! Thank you. From our whole family, sincerely, thank you.

We still have no idea where all of this is headed, and I have expanded my search to include the rest of the US. If I need to go global, I will. I have always fancied myself an "International Man of Mystery", so we will see if God confirms that.

This leads into what I want to talk about today. In my small group the other night, we were talking about the faith of a child. Jesus seems to affirm and bless a child-like faith. We had the chance to discuss it a bit in small group, but, as always, I cannot just let it go at that. I have been thinking about it ever since.

I was contemplating these questions as the core of my prayer and searching:

What is a child?

What, specifically, are the central characteristics of the prototypical child that Jesus is focusing on encouraging us to emulate?

Where are the gaps between those characteristics and those that are typical of myself and other, sincerely seeking adults?

Ultimately, is it possible for those gaps to be bridged? If so, what aspects of that bridging work are in our area of control, what aspects belong to God alone, and how can we cooperate with God in that movement toward health?

My goal is to come to a solid and clean, all-encompassing answer to all of those questions in the next 700 or so words. Okay, I'll maybe settle for scratching the surface in this post, and we'll leave the rest for next time.

Children are wonderful, miraculous gifts of God. They are constant reminders to us of the need to discover and mine this life for all of the magical and awe-inspiring realities it can offer. Life, for a child, is an adventure, driven by an insatiable curiosity and infused with an openness and surrender that reshapes life into a constant, all-or-nothing proposition.

Do you remember what that was like? Did you ever even have that in your life? I have trouble, myself, digging through the years of mortgages, failures, hurts, ruined plans, fatigue, and betrayals to re-engage with the younger Bill. The one who was not afraid to dream and try. I need to make plans. I need to know what is expected of me. I need to know that my efforts will result in success.

The main characteristic to which Jesus was pointing in children, I believe, was their innate trust. You cannot ask a child if their father is good. Of course he is. He's the Dad. Even if the guy is the biggest scum on the planet, a child will still say that their Dad is Dad. Of course he is good. There seems to be a shift in thinking for the child that comes with adolescence, but that is also when a child learns about the adult realities of addiction, blame-shifting, and manipulation. Dad no longer gets a free pass.

However, Jesus was talking about little children, yet untainted by the realities of a sinful world. The trust of a little child goes hand in hand with their openness. They are little sponges, absorbing all of the information and stimulus they can receive in their hearts and minds. They eventually hit capacity, and they crash into a deep sleep, ready to do it all again in the morning. Because of their youth, they have no tools for processing what they have absorbed through the day. That requires critical thinking and the ability to step outside of their realities a bit to look at their lives in any kind of meaningful self-assessment. Those tools will not be developed for quite some time. In fact, there are many middle-aged adults I know who still don't have critical thinking capabilities. In the meantime, children are free to take in everything, their minds like a huge aqueduct, free of any gates, valves, or other controls. Children receive everything unfiltered and unchecked. And the key term in this is "innate". It is who they are. It is their identity. They are, by their hardwired makeup, open and trusting.

There are some aspects of children that Jesus would most likely not want to see emulated as well. Children are completely myopic and self-absorbed. They only know how to take care of their own needs and desires. There is no existence outside of their immediate, personal environment. The world belongs to them, and it exists to serve them. Little brats. They are also almost completely ignorant. As sponges, they are a blank slate. They have no way of thinking through action and consequences. They simply cannot process, because of a lack of ability to think critically, the deeper implications of words, thoughts, and actions. I am not sure Jesus would want us to give up being thinking people, checking our intellect at the door of our churches. But, as is often said, ignorance is bliss, and kids are blissful. They should be locked up.

I say that a bit tongue-in-cheek, but I did not really like kids before we had our own. As a matter of fact, I still, for the most part, do not like other people's children. I have trouble refraining from casting silent judgment on the approach of other parents. So, there's some of my ugly sin. If you are a parent and know me personally, and you are worried that I may have judged you, let me calm your fears. I probably have. At the same time, I am a messy, broken, sinful idiot, who has been blessed and just barely lucky enough to keep my kids from killing each other or themselves in freak accidents. If you are parenting to get my approval, you have bigger problems than knowing the right way to raise your children. I'm the LAST person who would be qualified to judge other parents. In other words, you are doing great. Don't worry about me. Just please keep your kids from running around the restaurant, thinking everyone else in the place has raised eyebrows as a result of how darned adorable your kids are. I have a few other things, but lets start with that. ;)

Okay, I can hear my wife, though she's 1800 miles away, admonishing me to get back on track and wrap this thing up.

The openness of children can be met with mercy, love, and endless grace. Unfortunately, it can also be met with betrayal, cruelty, and abuse. We pour our very adult fears, anxieties, frustrations, and dysfunctions into our children. Yet, because of the defining characteristic of open trust, our children will keep coming back, time and again, always believing that we are good. As we grow to adulthood, we begin to think critically, and that causes us to become cynical. We always wait for the other shoe to drop. We hesitate from running into the open arms of a father figure, because we have been met by a fist, rather than an embrace is the past. I mean that metaphorically, though many of us have had our trust rewarded with a literal fist, causing untold damage and disintegration of our personal realities. I really believe that God's judgment will be all about how we, as a people, have treated our children. That will be a scary day.

I think back on when my kids were small, and they would make up incredibly involved games, usually involving a ball, trees, bikes, a net or two, sticks, the dog, and usually some random, very sharp object. Like I said, my parenting philosophy is based on dumb luck.

My mission statement: Help them survive until adulthood. Save up to help them with therapy. Quit while you're ahead.

Their games were very intricate with no discernible rules whatsoever. There was a lot of running, falling, screaming, and giggling. Now that I think about it, it was amazing that they were all able to play the same game, often for hours, without any difficulties. They weren't bothered by the fact that there were no rules, evidenced by the fact that my late removal of the afore-mentioned sharp object from the field of play did not affect the game at all. I would think the object would be a pivotal part of the game, with how often it was wielded, but they were fine with its absence. They also had no sense of competition. I have realized recently the level to which competition is an adult-introduced concept. We take children who are delightfully unaware of rules, and we put them in organized sports, because it "teaches them discipline". Sports are good for that, but they are also learning competition and a dependency on rules for guidance. Once our kids did sports, free play ended, and fighting with each other about fairness and rule-breaking ensued. I love sports, but I am raising the question.

Back when they were little, they would be running, screaming, laughing, kicking the ball, hitting the dog with the bat, jumping on and off bikes, catching each other in the nets in a tumultuous vortex of mud, sweat, fur, barking, laughter, tears, and shouting. Then, suddenly, Grace (my eldest) would jump up and yell, "We all win!" They would all let out a huge cheer, hug each other, hug the dog, and then come and ask me for food.

It's just amazing to me. I think the key to this might be identifying exactly why, as adults, we need to have rules, a planned outcome, or even a point in order to move forward. God kind of brought me up short this weekend about this very topic. As the generosity and love of the people in our lives helped us get caught up on March, I was immediately thinking like a well-trained adult. We are already halfway through March, with rent and mortgage due again in two weeks. I was also close to the Kingdom, thinking like a child. I was completely feeling sorry for myself, because my current situation overwhelms me. I have no control.

I approached God and asked why this all happened. God, you told me that I should go to Seattle. Everything fell into place. I had a good job, and affording an apartment wasn't difficult. I would have that job for at least a year, giving me time to find a new job, without desperation or stress. I would move the family here, and we would settle in Bellevue, where our kids could attend great schools, and Eli could play football. We would be close to the church and to work. And, you know what God? Since you did such a great job setting all of this in place, I might even be willing to plant a church again one day. That's how impressed I was with you, God, upon coming out here. You promised me all of this, and it is all gone and up in the air now. Why did none of this work? I followed the rules, it was supposed to work out. Why did you promise me all of this, only to take it away?

God did not smack me or shame me for asking these questions. God put on my heart, in a very clear and strong impression, "I never said any of that. I said, "Go to Seattle." You obeyed and went. Good job! You are faithful to me, Bill. You did exactly what I asked you to do, but the rest of those plans are all you. What if I only intended on having you here for a couple of months? What if I have something even better for you somewhere else? Remember, I am good. You are mine. My plans and my reasons are mine. You will get your next instructions at the exact right time. Obey, just like before, and you will see my glory."

Okay, God. Got it. I am supposed to be like a child. Regardless of circumstances pointing to the contrary, my God is good. Enjoy the game. Play. Stop trying to figure out the rules, what's expected of you, and how to win. Very often, in this fallen world, people who play by the rules are not rewarded with the win. Stop making elaborate game plans for winning in the first place. Those just set up your expectations and your vision to be too small, and then you miss what God is doing. Stop caring about the rules. Stop thinking like you have to do "A", in order to receive "B". Sometimes people do "A" very conscientiously and well, only to die in a car accident right before receiving "B". Sometimes people give no time and attention to "A", and they get "B" anyway.

God keeps counsel only with God. I need to work on being open to being transformed by God to have trust and openness become innate and characteristic of my identity again. I do "A", because God told me to do "A". "B" is completely God's domain, and it is none of my business. If I let go of my clinging to cause-and-effect rule following, but I discern and think clearly and critically along the way, I can truly be like a child. I can play for the love of play, rather than to have a point or a desired outcome. My desired outcome is that, at the end of the day, I said "Yes" to God. Ultimately, my hope is in the fact that God is good. God will give me all I need to do "A", and, instead of "B" (my idea of desired outcome), God will give me

"B" (God's desired outcome).

I just want to play!

So, what do you think? Am I on to something here, or is this just wish-fulfillment and silliness on my part? How can we exist as children in a culture filled with rule-following cynics? What are some other key gaps between childlike faith and our adult faith that need bridging?