The 5 Most Overlooked Relationship Killers (And How To Fix Them)

Everyday bad habits can destroy relationships over time. If you ask what causes people to break up, they might say money, lying, or cheating. And that is true. But, like death by a thousand paper cuts, there are even more insidious everyday habits that kill relationships, too.

For nearly three decades, I've had a front row seat to thousands of relationships. My ongoing research—a long-term study funded by the National Institutes of Health since 1986—gives me the opportunity to study, closely and over time, critical patterns in marriage and divorce, romance, and relationships.

Today, here's what I know for sure: Small stuff is a big deal. To create a truly happy, healthy relationship, every couple, of every stripe, should take the most overlooked and under-discussed relationship killers to heart.

Time alone gives partners those vital moments to process thoughts, pursue hobbies, and develop new topics to talk about! Too much space or long separation isn't good, but partners who pursue their own hobbies, interests, and friends tend to be happier than those who depend on each other for everything.

Solution: Talk to your partner about the benefits of "me-time", and emphasize that you still want couple time too. Don't keep secrets, and share with your partner some of the fun or funny things that happened during me-time.

2. Assuming you know each other

Hero Images/Getty Images

Couples who have been together for many years sometimes believe that they know everything about their partner. Unlike when they were first dating, they stop asking each other questions and learning more about each other.

Such loss of curiosity can be lethal. I call this the "silent dining syndrome." Couples go out together to a restaurant but then don't talk.

Solution:To stay happy in a relationship, partners need to talk to each other every single day, for at least 10 minutes, about anything other than the home, kids, work, or their relationship. Ask each other questions, just like when you were first dating! A side benefit of getting to know one another again is an increase in passion and excitement.

It's actually the small, everyday irritations that accumulate if not dealt with. Later on, they become big problems in relationships.

Solution: Contrary to popular belief, couples need to sweat the small stuff in their relationship to be happy and together over the long haul. Bring up the annoyances in a constructive way—pick the right time and situation to discuss, ditch all other distractions, use your "I" statements, and avoid using the words "never" and "always."

Solution: Do or say something frequently to show your partner that he or she is valued and noticed. Sometimes a goodbye peck on the cheek or a thoughtful compliment is all it takes to make a partner feel loved and appreciated.

Many couples only talk about what's going wrong in their relationship. They end up focusing on the negative aspects of their relationship.

In my study, couples who also concentrate on what's working well—on the glass half full—were much happier over time than those who purely try to "fix" their problems.

Solution: Make a list of the top five things that are going well in your relationship and work on strengthening those positive aspects. Focusing on what's going well in the relationship motivates you both to move forward in that relationship. Also, an optimistic approach will rub off on your partner and attract you to others who are seeing the world as "half full."

It's vital to understand that everyday bad habits can destroy relationships over time. With simple solutions to fix the five most overlooked relationship killers, you can continue to sustain a long-term happy, healthy relationship.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

This commenting section is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page. You may be able to find more information on their web site.

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
Prevention participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.