Sesame Street Introduces New Anti-Semitic Character

Following the trend of introducing new characters to fit modern trends, the creators of Sesame Street have added a character with anti-Jewish sentiments to the show.

Current show-runner Susan Simmons explained the changes to massed journalists, fans, and the Anti-Defamation league. Stating, “this is just how it’s going to be,” she spoke at length about why this decision was made.

“We introduced a HIV-positive character to the show, to general acclaim, back in 2002,” she said. “And more and more musical guests are coming on the show to sing about tolerance and acceptance of all people. Sesame Street has always sought to adapt to the times.”

As such, new characters are being added. The first, new puppet Israel Goldski, will be introduced to the show at the beginning of November.

“Israel is a fun-loving six year-old boy who loves to play,” said Simmons. “He aspires to be an accountant, is extraordinarily polite to adults, and never misses an opportunity to earn a few dollars. His mother, Shiela, has a heart of gold and is always involved in her son’s life, making sure he does all the things he is supposed to do. Many times over, in fact.”

Israel, who is set to be a skinny puppet with a large nose and kippa, will be brought into town because Bert and Ernie are being harassed by Israel’s father, who is attempting to foreclose on their home.

“We are also excited to introduce another new character, who will provide a direct counterpart to Israel,” said Simmons. “Bobby White is a ten year-old boy who loves school, riding his bike, and exposing the oppressive Zionist regime that runs all of our banks and governments.”

Bobby is the son of two former UC-Berkley professors who have moved to join the “Occupy Sesame Street” movement. The current plan is for Bobby to frequently be alone, as his parents have taken new jobs as community organizers and have little time for raising their son.

“His parents being occupied, Bobby decides that the only thing to do is to spend time with Israel,” said Simmons. “And, because of the way he was raised, he decides that the only logical thing to do is to act negatively toward him. We have episodes planned where Bobby steals Israel’s money, where he mocks Israel publicly for wearing his ‘stupid hat thing,’ and many more.”

According to Simmons, the introduction of these new characters are intended to reflect America’s growing reluctance to accept domestic Jewish culture and Israeli influence in American foreign policy.

“It is considered common knowledge now that the Jews caused the financial collapse, and were aware of 9/11 before it happened,” said Simmons. “As purveyors of media, it’s our job to hold a mirror up to American perspectives.”

Though the new episodes are expected to cause some controversy, no one affiliated with the show anticipates them causing as much trouble as last year’s now infamous “Cookie Monster Intervention” episode.