I am trying to keep my posts light, short and sweet - - - there is a lot of reading to be done this week. I don't want to slow anyone down. This one is tough . . .

Dearest Nate,

I worry. I hope you know that I worry about you but not for the reasons that you might think.
I know that your diabetes will never slow you down. I can tell by your sweet, determined spirit that you will accomplish anything that you put your mind to doing. I have no doubt that you will be just fine.

What I want you to know is that if you ever read these pages (blog posts) that I have written and become aware at how I have struggled with your diagnosis please know that it is my struggle -- not yours. There is not one thing that you have done to cause me any sadness or pain.

I don't blame you or your diagnosis for the sadness I have felt or am feeling. As your mom I have struggled with a bit anger and sadness but only because as a parent it is never easy to watch your child hurt in any way. In the beginning everything was so hard - every finger prick, every shot, every site change made you cry but you are so strong and so brave you have shown me what true courage is because you always stay so amazingly strong. It cannot be easy - I know these things hurt!

I have always said that I would take your diabetes from you in a heartbeat ---- the truth be told ---- I'm not sure I would be as brave as you are. You inspire me everyday with you laughter. You mesmerize me with your smile. You steal my heart over and over every time you you say 'pretty, pretty please, mommy?'. I love the way you look at me even when I know I am hurting you there is always love in your eyes.

I cannot take this from you but you know I would if I could. Diabetes will never define you but I think it is helping to make you the very special and extremely smart little guy that you are. I don't know many 2 year old little boys that can check their own bg, read the number on the meter out loud and yell . . . "BOLUS ME, MOMMY". Diabetes is teaching you patience, discipline and empathy ---- you have a very kind heart , a patient demeanor and the ability to do things that most parents would never dream of asking their 2-year old to do. You are amazing. You are amazing. You are amazing. I will tell you a million times a day if you will listen.

You are my sunshine - you make me happy when skies are grey . . . you will never know dear, how much I love you!!

Trying hard not to screw you up ----- I love you to the moon and back again,

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comments:

Oh dear, all these posts making me cry!!! This is a lovely, heartfelt letter to amazing Nate. You are a wonderful mother to him and he is so lucky to have you. The last line is something we all secretly mutter under our breath every day, isn't it? Love ya friend.

The beginning got to me. I could, and may end up stealing them, write those exact lines to Joe. I would never want him to read my blog and think he caused any of the sadness...or the ... ahemmm....craziness.

Wow!!! Reading this through tears and nodding my head! You nailed it! I feel everything you have written and I agree, I don't think I would be half as brave as our kids are! They amaze me EVERYDAY!!!! Great job Laura!!! ((HUGS))

Love this. Maybe we all need to remind the kiddos that it is not them creating the sadness. I think it would not dawn on mine that he even could be, he is too busy telling me how awesome he is. lol Boys. Thank you for sharing.

Totally smiling through tears with the stack of pump belts photo and the 'bolus me, mommy' visual!I am with you on hoping that Bean never thinks it's her fault D is so hard on me sometimes.Thanks for sharing!!

I just happened to come across your blog as I was looking at photos of continuous glucose monitors on kids...crazy! My daughter Ashlynn was diagnosed at 22 months and will be 9 this August. June will mark 7 years we have dealt with this crappy disease. After reading your blog, all I can say is "thank you". It felt wonderful to know someone else has the same struggles and we are not alone. Your words to Nate were absolutely beautiful. Thanks, Angela in Texas