My name is Nikki, I'm 19 years old and I live in northwest Indiana. I love tennis, some of my favorite players are Andy Roddick, Mardy Fish, Taylor Dent, and the rest of the US players. I also love the tv shows Friends and Smallville, Harry Potter, music, football, and the color blue. I hate spiders(more)It is currently 4:13am on June 7th where I live.

The Anticipated Fart: This one warns that it is back there waiting
for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd
and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted
an Anticipated Fart.

The Back Seat Fart: This is a fart that occurs only in
automobiles. It is identified chiefly by odor. The Back Seat Fart can usually
be concealed by traffic noise as it is an eased-out fart and not very loud.
But its foul odor will give it away, due to the way air moves around in a
car. It is often followed by someone saying, "Who farted in the back
seat?"

The Barn Owl Fart: A familiarity with owl calls is helpful
in identifying this fart. Almost any morning if you get up just before daybreak
you can hear one of these birds talking to himself. It's a sort of a crazy
laugh, particularly the way it ends. If you hear a fart that has about eight
notes in it, ending on a couple of down notes, and it sounds maniacal, you
have heard the rare Barn Owl Fart.

The Bullet Fart: Its single and most pronounced diagnostic
characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be
said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly
common following the eating of the more common fart foods, such as beans.

The Command Fart: This fart differs from the Anticipated
Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right
moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Nathan
Martins recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class
and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.

The Common Fart: This fart needs little description.
It is to the world of farts what the house sparrow is to the world of birds.
I can see no point in describing this far any further.

The Cushioned Fart: A concealed fart, sometimes successful.
The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm
and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair
and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after.
Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.

The Dud Fart: The Dud Fart is not really a fart at all.
It's a fart that fails. For this reason it is strictly a group one identification
fart, because there is no real way you can identify a fart that somebody else
expected to fart but didn't. It is the most private of all farts. In most
cases the farter usually feels a little disappointed.

The Echo Fart: This is a fart that can be wrongly identified.
It is not some great loud fart in an empty gym or on the rim of the Grand
Canyon. The true Echo Fart is a fart that makes its own echo. It is a two-toned
fart, the first tone loud, then a pause, and then the second tone. Like an
echo.

The G and L Fart: This is one of the most ordinary and
pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If
you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of
the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.

The Ghost Fart: A doubtful fart in most cases, as it
is supposed to be identified by odor alone and to occur, for instance, in
an empty house. You enter and smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will
insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just
something that happens to smell like a fart.

The Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart: This is strictly an old lady's
fart. What happens is that the person manages to hiccough, sneeze, and fart
all at the same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she will
usually pat her chest and say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well."
There is no reason she should not be proud, as this is probably as neat an
old person's fart as there is.

The Jerk Fart: The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who
smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is
usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether
pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in
the World Fart.

The John Fart: The John Fart is simply any ordinary fart
farted on the john. It is naturally a group one identification, with the sound,
whatever it was, somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to the john
amounted to he will be disappointed for sure. Common as pigeons.

The Lead Fart:
The Malted Milk Ball Fart: Odor alone is diagnostic and positively identifies
this fart. It smells exactly like malted milk balls. No other food works this
way. It is rare.

The Oh My God Fart: This is the most awful and dreadful
stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg - as
the Oh My God Fart. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first
want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.

The Omen Fart: This is the adult version of the Poo-Poo
Fart. About the only difference is that the farter will not say anything.
He will just look kind of funny and head for the john. This one is easy to
spot if you pay attention.

The Organic Fart: Sometimes called the Health Food Nut
Fart. The person who farts an Organic Fart may be talking about the healthy
food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may
even ask if you noticed how good and pure and healthy his fart smells. It
may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with
him. He is doing what he thinks is best.

The Quiver Fart: A group one identification fart only.
When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is the Tickle Fart. If you
have to scratch it, then it is the Scratchass Fart.

The Rambling Phaduka Fart: You must not be fooled by
its pretty-sounding name, as this is one of the most frightening of all farts.
It is frightening to farter and spectator alike. It has a sound of pain to
it. What is most diagnostic about it, however, is its length. It is the longest-lasting
fart there is. It will sometimes leave the farter unable to speak. As though
he has had the wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it
goes on for at least fifteen seconds.

The Relief Fart: Sound or odor don't matter on this one.
What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted.
Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.

The Reluctant Fart: This is probably one of the oldest
farts known to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind
of its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is. It
will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.

The Rusty Gate Fart: The sound of this fart seems almost
impossible for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make.
The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier if it had
been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.

The S.B.D. Fart: S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly.
This is no doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of identification
with this one.

The Sandpaper Fart: This one scratches. Otherwise it
may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and scratch,
it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart. Common.

The Skillsaw Fart: A truly awesome fart. It vibrates
the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric
skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive. Not
too common.

The Sonic Boom Fart: The people who believe in this fart
claim it is even bigger than the Biggest Fart In The World Fart. The Sonic
Boom Fart is supposed to shake the house and rattle the windows. This is ridiculous.
No fart in the world shakes houses and rattles windows. A fart that could
do that would put the farter into orbit or blow his crazy head off.

The Splatter Fart: Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists.
It is the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a fart at
all.

The Stutter Fart: If you think stuttering is funny, this
is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going. The sound
is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually
a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted
after considerable effort.

The Taco Bell Fart: The Taco Bell Fart is far richer
and full-bodied than your ordinary Junk Fart and takes longer to build up.
Sometimes hours or even a day. But it will get there. And it will hang around
after, too. Even on a windy day.

The Teflon Fart: Slips out without a sound and no strain
at all. A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at
all. You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word. If the wind
is right he will never know.

The Thank God I'm Alone Fart: Everyone knows this rotten
fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone."
Then you get out of there fast!

The Tickle Fart: A group one only and one of the easiest
to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this
is the fart for you!