All posts in procrastination

Oh, procrastination finals season. With all of the work we have to do, we welcome and embrace any possible distraction. An article about the Champions League (lol sports) or one about the importance of stretching is suddenly the most fascinating thing in the world when you don’t want to do your work.Right freaking now seems like the optimal moment to reorganize your Spotify playlists, doesn’t it? Or in my case, now is the time to write this post and ignore my 10-page paper due on Friday.

But, if you’re like me and you like to pretend everything is secretly about sex, perhaps you’re wondering what your procrastination technique reveals about your sexuality. Allow me to interpret:

If you procrastinate by doing other, less urgent, work: You cyborg! How are you productive even while you’re procrastinating? I would be scared/too intimidated to hook up with you. You’re just so… efficient. I would recommend relaxing in all aspects of your life, from your schoolwork to what you do in the bedroom. Not everything has to be so serious!

Netflix has announced new movies and TV shows that will be making their streaming debut this December. As a way to look forward to lazy days indoors over winter break, or as a way to put off studying for finals a little bit longer, here is a list of all the titles coming to Netflix in the month of December 2014.

Movies

A Knight’s Tale (2001) (Dec. 1)
Inspired by Geoffrey Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales, this medieval adventure film follows a peasant who is pretending to be a knight to compete in jousting tournaments. Rotten Tomatoes describes this as “Rocky on horseback.” *Dun… dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. Dun dun duuuuuuuun.*

Almost Famous (2000) (Dec. 1)
Directed and written by Cameron Crowe, this comedy-drama film tells the coming-of-age story of a teenage Rolling Stone journalist following the fictitious 70s band Stillwater.

American Beauty (1999) (Dec. 1)
Suggested to be a satire of the American middle class ideals of beauty and satisfaction, this drama tells the story of office worker Lester Burnham, who falls into a midlife crisis, enamored by his daughter’s teenage friend.

Bewitched (2005) (Dec. 1)

Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell in Bewitched (2005)

Based on the 1964-72 TV show of the same name, Bewitched stars Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell. Ferrell plays Jack Wyatt, a struggling actor desperate for a role. Jack agrees to star in a film version of the TV series Bewitched (so meta). Nicole Kidman as Isabel Bigelow is cast as the female lead alongside Jack, playing the witch-turned-housewife Samantha. Nobody knows that Isabel is really a witch (OH BOY).

Midterm season has arrived in full-force these past few weeks. This has motivated countless students to settle down among the stacks, open their books and laptops, and revisit their old classroom notes and problem sets in an effort to succeed at all the challenges that Brown offers to them. Filled with personal discipline, an ability to delay gratification, and above all else a striving passion to perform, these devoted students will approach their exams and essays with a deep confidence in their abilities, a focused and prepared mind, and several nights of undisturbed sleep.

Here are some tips that might help you and other students avoid their looming work for the next cycle of midterms.

1. Think About How Much You Work You Have

There’s nothing better to distract you from studying than to think about how much work you have. I mean, really try to ponder it—all of the material that you’re responsible for in each class, how many words you’ll have to write in total for your essays—whatever it is, just make sure you’re very aware of how much you’ll need to accomplish in the next week. For the next step in not working, try to imagine the worst possible consequences that could happen if you screwed up. Linger on all of this for a few hours, and you’ll be well on your way to not getting anything done.

Identical to the one before, except this guy seems more stressed.

2. Talk to Other People About How Much Work You Have

Closely related to number one, a great way to be unproductive is to complain to others about how much you have to do in the upcoming weeks. Parents, friends, acquaintances, random people in line at the Ratty, all can be effectively used as tools to avoid finishing work. Try to distract them from their own work as you complain, so they become more anxious about what they have to do as well. The less industrious the people are around you, the better you’ll be at not studying.

But remember: always make sure that they know that you, ultimately, have it much harder than them, and are worthy of their sympathy.

Has anyone ever studied with that many books?

3. Wait to Talk to a TA or go to Office Hours

If you really want to make sure you that you feel unaccomplished by the weekend, never start work on anything until you’re fully sure that you have the approval and understanding of your professor and/or TA. Go during peak hours of their schedule so you’ll have to wait in a long line, and never ask them direct questions related to your work, because remember, you haven’t started that. Instead, focus on broad, generic ideas that they have already mentioned in class, or ideally would be answered either on the syllabus or prompt—things that will bring you no closer to sitting down and working. But be careful, you might accidentally leave feeling productive, so try to remain skeptical of whatever advice they have to offer.

The care-free haze of September is winding down and workloads are increasing; in other words, it’s time to procrastinate. Brimming with gossip, news, funny articles, and Buzzfeed quizzes, Facebook is obviously your best friend in the distraction department. Unfortunately, it’s easy to fall into the trap of liking pages—especially some of Brown’s many novelty accounts—that seem interesting at first, but eventually prove to be rather annoying. Some are underwhelming, others are outdated, and soon enough you’re left with a cluttered mess on your newsfeed.

Because of this, the art of pruning is integral to keeping a happy and healthy newsfeed. So, in order to help optimize your Brown-related Facebook content, I have rated and ranked five of Brown’s most popular novelty pages:

1. Brown University Confessions. My personal favorite, Brown University Confessions posts anonymous confessions by Brown students. Perhaps the greatest characteristic of the page is its wide range of tones; posts can be serious, vehement, candid, or just plain weird. The page is updated frequently on weekdays and almost all of its posts are highly relatable and/or funny. Confessions is Brown’s most liked novelty page, and with good reason — it’s extremely entertaining and great for your newsfeed. 9.5/10

2. Brown University Snaps. Brown University Snaps posts about 1-2 screenshots of students’ Snapchats each day. The page is light-hearted; while it lacks Confessions’s occasional serious post, it never fails to be engaging and entertaining. Not too invasive and almost always good for a quick laugh, Brown University Snaps is a solid page that’s definitely worth liking. 9/10

Facebook and Buzzfeed are the obvious attention-thieves, but we all have our more subtle, preferred forms of procrastination. Actually, in times like these, we’ll find just about anything to procrastinate on. And when I say anything, I mean anything. Take a peek at the list below and tell me you haven’t done at least one of these things to avoid all of your responsibilities take a small study break.

The weather forecastWell, you haven’t checked the weather in the past hour. Guess it’s time to surf Weather Channel for a bit. Gosh, why are their headlines so sensationalist? Okay, just do what you came here to do. Hmm, let’s see how the weather’s gonna look like when you leave for home. Looks good. You should probably double-check on your phone app, though, just to make sure. How are the next 4 hours gonna look like? Ooo, they have a monthly forecast, let’s check that out, too!

Your Expedia itineraryYou tell yourself that you just want to confirm that everything’s correct. I mean, you never know if you accidentally misspelled your last name when typing in your info. Wait, what were the carry-on size restrictions again? Better check that too while you’re at it.

The dining hall menusMan oh man, do finals get you hungry! And Ratty waffle fries never seemed more appetizing. Let’s take a peek at what the menu will look like tomorrow. Eh. Maybe the Vdub will be more promising? Will it be quesadilla night or grilled cheese night at Jo’s tomorrow? Gotta weigh all your options! Wait, do you even have any meal credits left? To the Banner-mobile!

Finals season is upon us, folks. If you’re like me, that means your day probably looks something like this: You spend a lot of time drinking iced coffee outside, and then when that inevitable cloud covers the sun for the rest of the day, you proceed inside to look at a blank word processor until it’s time for bed, at which point you watch cooking shows until you fall asleep and do it all over again the next day (don’t deny it).

But someone has to write that paper due tomorrow! Someone needs to study for that test! Someone needs to make that presentation! And unfortunately, it’s going to be you. Here are some ways to buckle down so you can make the most of Cinco de Mayo (which is tomorrow, people. Priorities.)

1. All nighters. Actually though, don’t do it. You’ll hate yourself, everyone will hate you. Your body was not designed to stay up for that many hours. Plus, I can hear your heartbeat from here after all those energy drinks you consumed. Oh, and you’ll look like a zombie.

Tell me I look tired one more time

2. GET THIS APP: SelfControl. Oh my god it will change your work ethic. You create a list of all of the websites you like to go to, set a timer for any amount of time, press “go,” and then the app prevents you from visiting these sites until the timer runs out. Like your computer actually won’t let you. Is it a little pathetic you need a computer to keep you in check? Yes. Will you get your shit done? Absolutely. Now if you want to stall, at least you’ll have to do it with people, not Buzzfeed.

3. Set up a reward system. 5 pages of a paper, treat yourself to froyo. 5 more and you get a Ben & Jerry’s sundae. 5 more and you get a Johnny Rockets milkshake. For some reason the only rewards I can think of are frozen dairy products but whatever ’tis the season.

Above: friends.

4. Just do it. You’ll feel better, and you won’t turn green with envy when your drunk friend texts you at 4p.m. on a Wednesday because THAT DRUNK FRIEND WILL BE YOU.

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