Wikileaks has today revealed that Nato intends to deploy thousands of battle hardened soldiers to the world's cultural deserts, in a move that is aimed to capture hearts and minds.

Initially towns and cities such as Newport (Gwent, Des Moines and Uttoxeter will targeted and elite squads of commandos will attempt to bring light operettas, chamber music ensembles and increases attendences to art exhibitions, Noel Cowerd plays and Poetry recitals.