I ran into the Cook at the bar yesterday. He was very nice, as usual. He bought my drinks and walked me home. But on the walk, he started telling me that he really wasn’t looking to be committed to anyone.

Oh. Interesting. Well, that’s kind of a huge 180 from what you seemed to be telling me before.

It caught me really off-guard, as I had just decided to try to trust him a little bit. I was also kind of drunk. So I started to cry, and told him we had to have this conversation in my apartment so I wasn’t sobbing on the street.

He told me that he had never been looking for anything serious, despite treating me like he was. He said that he liked the emotional intimacy and felt really comfortable and close to me. He wanted to take me on dates and cuddle and watch movies and talk about deep things, but he also wanted to be able to date other people. So basically, intimacy and connection and company minus the commitment that makes all of that feel remotely safe.

And then it devolved into him telling me he really had just wanted fun. And he thought I did too. Even though I had explicitly told him I was looking for a relationship several times, somehow he still thought that I was looking for “fun.”

At some point, I said, “This was a big mistake.”

He said, “Don’t say that. Didn’t I make you cum?”

That was an actual exchange in this conversation.

Dude, haven’t I made myself clear by now? I have no trouble finding someone who will make me cum, if that’s what I want. I’m not looking for someone to make me cum.

Cute. So cute.

So much for faith in men being restored. This was literally the worst. Someone told me to trust him, let my guard down, and be intimate, and then completely slapped me in the face with my least favorite phrase – “I just want to have fun.”

I don’t think it was malicious. I think he misled me, but I don’t think he was being mean. I think he was being willfully oblivious. He was still sweet last night. He was being nice to me. Just wanted what he wanted, which wasn’t what I wanted, and he didn’t necessarily care. But I don’t know if that’s much better.