Forum » Topic: Church bracing itself for massive turnouthttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53099
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Sinnick on "Church bracing itself for massive turnout"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53099#post-153002
Wed, 12 Dec 2012 08:36:53 +0000Sinnick153002@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Great idea, and I see you've got the old Patrick FitzAnthony gag in. For me, it doesn't quite flow smoothly, though, almost as if it's written in anger rather than methodically. 4*
</p>sigmund on "Church bracing itself for massive turnout"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53099#post-152926
Tue, 11 Dec 2012 18:46:19 +0000sigmund152926@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Would that be a ‘turn-out’ as conceived by the Hell’s Angels?'
</p>Otto Jespersen on "Church bracing itself for massive turnout"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53099#post-152918
Tue, 11 Dec 2012 18:34:17 +0000Otto Jespersen152918@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Oof. Its right dere in der funnying department und also the truings department. Otto ist makink a happy noise mitt der throatage.
</p>Gerontius on "Church bracing itself for massive turnout"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53099#post-152888
Tue, 11 Dec 2012 14:22:01 +0000Gerontius152888@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The Church of England is said to be bracing itself for a massive turnout this Sunday morning after the government announced the ban on same sex marriage in church.<br />
But research carried out amongst the 20-50 age group found that, despite the ruling, more adults planned on taking part in recreational intercourse with a member of the same sex on Sunday morning than planned taking part in a church service.<br />
Church groups say that the dozen or so gay couples here in the UK who were vaguely thinking about a church ceremony to cement their relationship would have to go elsewhere and denying them the opportunity to show their love for one another meant everything to the church.<br />
‘This is what it must have felt like returning from the crusades after liberating Jerusalem from Muslim rule’ said church goer Anthony Fitzpatrick ‘it’s just a pity we couldn’t have put the gays to the sword too’.<br />
However, the number of people who planned on eating the flesh of a 2000 year old corpse had actually risen as a result of the ruling.<br />
Justin Beesley, a life long Aleister Crowley fan and part-time cannibal said eating the flesh of a dead person was the best thing about Christianity and was the reason why he got interested in the church in the first place.<br />
‘To be honest, the thought of two men getting married in a church disgusts me and could quite easily put me off drinking the blood of Christ for life’ confirmed Justin ‘it’s a crazy idea, even if it is only symbolic. I’m glad they’ve come to their senses on this one’.<br />
The news was also welcomed by divorce lawyers, already working around the clock annulling failed marriages and trying to work out what was best for the kids.<br />
‘Mind you, dealing with a failed gay marriage would be so much easier’ said divorce lawyer Ben Rigsby ‘ at least the only serious argument would be over who gets custody of the cat’.
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