my life with the crusts cut off

What my boys taught me about feminism

I’ve learned so much being a mum to two little guys. I’ve learned that even after a thorough bath it is possible to have that sweet smell of sweat, dirt and sunscreen. I’ve learned the names of all of the Disney Cars characters (even the ones that I am sure they made up just to get me to buy the merchandise). I’ve learned about absolute love, and joy and silliness and how it is to feel adored by two grubby little people.

One other thing I’ve learned about, which came as a surprise, was feminism. Or more specifically how privileged gaze is a tricky filter through which to see inequality.

We watch a lot more ABC4Kids than I’d care to admit. And whilst tending to the inevitable tears and/or tantrums that would start as Chugginton ended and before Thomas would start, I would lament at why the “girls’ programs” had to be so darned “girly”. Aside from (Warning: Shameless stereotyping ahead) programs like “Bob the Builder”, I saw the majority of kids’ programming as fairly gender neutral. But then there seemed to be a deliberate (and rather obvious, in my mind) attempt to “pinkify” these “neutral” programs. ‘Sesame Street’ had Abby Cadabby and the Flying Fairy School. The Wiggles* had branched out to include Dorothy the Dinosaur and the Fairies, who only ever seemed to dance or drink tea and eat cakes and also some weird and completely boring royal family full of ballerinas.

It seemed to me, that my sons’ favourite shows were all subject to some kind of ‘affirmative action’ for princesses or a mutually beneficial arrangement with ‘Big Pink’ (the tulle and glitter manufacturers). Conspiracy theories AND affirmative action – oh God I sound like John Laws**.

It wasn’t until I read Freya Michie’s article ‘It’s not ABC4Boys: why we need more Peppa Pigs’ that I had an awakening. I was looking at ABC4Kids through privileged (albeit extremely exhausted) eyes: the eyes of (my) boys. Whilst whinging about Angelina Ballerina (seriously, does anyone actually like her? She is a mouse in a tu-tu and I just know she thinks she is better than me) I was missing the blinding obvious: that there are so few programs with female central characters, and those that are are so pink and stereotypical that if I had girls I probably wouldn’t want them watching them.

As I moaned about not being able to buy my son a picnic set or a baby doll that isn’t 50 shades of pink, and fumed about being unable to find a single boys size 2 t-shirt in the one boys’ clothing aisle which was sandwiched between about 10 aisles of girlswear, I was completely oblivious to the fact that the sea of pink is also pushed onto little girls – that just because there was more to choose from didn’t mean they had any more choice.

Now, I’m not denying that I do not already have a privledged gaze – I am a white, middle class, heterosexual, married women (and here I am blogging about parenting – could I be any more of a stereotype?), but before this I could never understand how those in power could ignore (or just not see) blatant inequalities, or worse yet, cry discrimination (reverse racism!) when a minority group does speak out.

So where to from here? Well, it has just highlighted further my desire to raise a pair of proud feminists. To raise men who recognise their privilege, display immense empathy and who will call out inequality when they see it.

*this was before The Wiggles turfed Sam (still slightly bitter) the retired and got a lady-Wiggle. Big ups for not making her wear pink. But why the skirt and bow? Why?!
**after this week’s events I should change this to Piers Akerman.

6 Responses

Have you actually look for non-pink girls shows? Aren’t you coming at this from both confirmation bias and privilege? You have boys, and boys want to watch and emulate other boys. Is the fact that you have boys that prefer to watch boys on TV having a large impact on what TV shows your boys watch?

Hi The Poisoned Well, thanks for reading my post – my blog is still very new so it’s nice to receive feedback!
You definitely raise some interesting points. I am certain that if I looked beyond ABC4Kids (which is the only free-to-air public broadcast channel just for children in Australia and is extremely popular) I could find more diverse programming. My sons enjoy programs like Dora the Explorer on pay (cable) television, and she’s terrific! A quick glance at the ABC4Kids schedule will show how few “female led” programs are shown.
I wasn’t very clear in my post, but I was having these initial frustrations when my first son was very very young (under 1) and in not any care outside of family (so therefore not influenced directly by other children). Now that he has his own circle of friends outside of family I can definitely see the influence they have! He recently asked for (and received) a Spider-Man for his birthday despite having never actually seen or read anything SM related!
I guess my very badly made point was how quickly I overlooked something that as a women I was very hyper aware of.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and respond. I really appreciate it.

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I love Peppa, and we’re also a bit partial to ‘Charlie and Lola’ at the moment. I was so shocked how easily I was able to ‘not see’ inequalities that I am usually hypersensitive about. It definitely hardened my reserve to instil these values in my sons.

Hey ihearttuesdays, I think your point was perfectly well made, and I definitely see an exciting future for all of us when there are parents such as yourselves encouraging their children, boys and girls, to look beyond what popular culture offers them as a stereotype.
I’d love to hear more about this on your blog, too!
x

I do love Peppa for a lot of the subtle undertones it has very encouraging direction. We try to keep things fairly gender neutral my girls have always had cars and “boys” toys and my son has had “girls” toys. It’s much harder when they get to school though there is immense pressure to adhere to gender guidelines. Hopefully eventually things will improve more parents are becoming more informed so there’s hope.