Sunday, June 12, 2005

CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE. CAP MAY BLOW OFF CAUSING EYE OR OTHER SERIOUS INJURY. POINT AWAY FROM FACE AND PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY WHILE OPENING.

The above warning is printed on the side of the bottle of Squirt soda pop I'm drinking as I type this. When did soda become so dangerous? Has anybody evey had a popcap zip out of their grasp the way champagne corks like to ricochet about the room? Is it okay if I point my deadly popbottle at small furry animals? After all, there's no explicit warning that the soda can injure bunnies or kittens. Maybe pets will be added to warning after some unfortunate poodle-related incident and the subsequent multizillion dollar litigation.

"Man, is there anything Jeff CAN'T do when it comes to gaming? This guy is like a critical 20 every roll. Jeff can bite the heads offa five game geeks, including their sorry-ass DM, and spit 'em into a large duffel bag ONE AT A TIME!...that's just the kind of messed up bastard he is! You think yer a gamer, punk? Well..do ya? Jeff will depants your weasel-ass right in front of your grandma."