Monthly Archives: May 2012

I was worrying last week about age and I’m glad to tell you that today I’m managing just to keep away from the mirror. It’s not that I spend a long time in front of the reflecting device, in fact as little time as possible so I don’t have to dwell on the sagging jowls, spreading crows feet and travel bags packed with stones that hang loosely beneath my red eyes.

This week I have more worrying concerns to occupy my time. No it’s not money or sex or food or even the state of the world – although I will admit to being a touch worried about all those things at some point since my last communication (mainly food as I’m still dieting – I’m craving a double chocolate muffin with plain chocolate chips and chocolate sauce oozing deliciously from it as I raise it to my hungry mouth…).

Where was I? Oh yes my biggest niggling worry? Existence. Have you ever thought to yourself, can I really tell if this is all a dream, would I know if I was asleep or awake? Perhaps I’m in some kind of coma and my mind has built a construct of such detail that I’m living a life full of people, places and things from my imagination. Well if I am all I can say is I wish I had a little bit more imagination, one where I had just a little more money, a little more play and a lot less work and I could munch chocolate cake until it made me sick (but didn’t add any inches to my waist).

Apparently we all build a model of the world which we carry around in our noggins until the end of our days. And nobody knows exactly how another human sees the world. All our models could be completely different but unless somebody develops a way to ‘mind jump’ then we’ll never know.

I’m feeling a touch paranoid. Have you seen Red Dwarf (and for you non-sci fi savvy non-uk based non Dwarfers this is a little BBC programme with quite a cult following, a comedy about a guy who is the last human, stranded aboard the good ship Red Dwarf with a cat, a hologram and an android – the special effects were excellent for the £5 per episode budget, but that wasn’t the point, the comedy was in the timing), the best ever episode involved the crew awaking from a false reality machine, the adventures had all been a ‘dream’ with each crew member taking on an alternative self. There was a catch at the end but just in case you ever see it I won’t spoil it. Knowing my luck I’d be even less cool than I am already (I’d be Duane Dibbly – you’ll need to look this up to get the full meaning)!

So am I dreaming, do I really exist or am I just a character in somebody elses book or a character in a cheap computer game (one of those that you can get for pennies)? And on that note, for now, I’m shutting my program down for a few days but I’ll be back soon if you eat that cheese before bedtime or watch that really boring documentary again!

I’ve touched on this subject before. In fact I seem to dwell on it an awful lot so perhaps I’m as obsessed with it as an aging pop star or fading film star? Age, is it just a number or is it something you should strive to hold at bay? How many of you have seen those individuals who insist on not just thinking they are still in the full flush of youth but dress and act that way?

Alright I’m not against living the life you want and if that means going out clubbing (that’s night clubbing not seal clubbing to all my animal friendly friends though I have no doubt that it would be an activity needing nearly as much energy and a hint of masachistic intent) until the birds sing with joy as the sun breaks over the skyline then fine (I’d love to know what legal substance you’re on and can you get me some?).

What I’m not so keen on is people trying to squeeze themselves into the same clothes they did when young free and a few pounds lighter. I talk from a position of some knowledge having just shed two stones for the tenth time (me yo-yo dieting? No I just love putting that weight back on again, really I do…). No I don’t mean I lost the weight to get into my old denims it was purely to stop myself growing out of my current clothes, they were getting a touch tight! Honest I gave my old glitter suit away to charity years ago…

Apparently we are all living longer (apart from those that don’t obviously but we are talking generalisations here) and 30 is the new 20, 40 is the new 30 and…, well you get my drift. People of 40 look so much younger than they did when I was in my 20’s or is that just my perspective? Yes policemen do look an awful lot younger than they used to but that’s because 20 is the new 10, isn’t it?

Anyway I’m 47 which seemed so old when I was 10. In fact 16 seemed very old when I was 10! But now well I’m a youngster or I would be were I standing for President or Prime Minister. Obviously if I was an athlete I’d be getting my pension by now!

I’m hoping I match my grand parents, one who is still with us and 91, my dear departed grandpa who was 92 and my other grandpa who was 89. Whichever way you look at it though I’m still middle aged (unless I get into my next century!).

I think I’ve written enough now on age unless my memory plays up and I write some more at some point in the future… Have fun at the disco won’t you and please think of me sat here in my slippers with my cup of cocoa as you bop the night away.

Good news, I have this week taken delivery of a lovely new LED television set that is capable of showing HD, 3D, connect to the Internet, make tea, do the dusting… alright maybe I was getting just a touch carried away with a couple of things, it doesn’t yet do 3D (unless you count the nifty 2D to 3D option that is brilliant at car ads if nothing else) but once I can afford the Blu-Ray player with 3D function then away I go with the glasses…

I’m not really a technophile, although I do work in IT (I manage an IT Training team) and I was the technical guy in charge of a smallish network at one point I’m much more comfortable using the things than setting them up! I don’t like having to sit with a controller in hand and a variety of confusing screens flashing before my eyes! Whatever happened to plug-n-play for goodness sake!

In many way the future we always dreamt about is here though I’m sorry to say the flying cars have refused to take off (sorry unintentional pun) which if the driving habits of some people is anything to go by is not such a bad thing. We still haven’t broken away from this galaxy yet (or even, if you take manned space flight as a dream, managed to get further than our own lovely but very close moon) and unless something really exciting happens soon we won’t in my life time. Which all means imagination is our only way there.

Thank goodness for the imaginations of those writers who have and still continue to imagine and re-imagine and give us worlds we’ll never see but we can picture and almost touch! Not everybody likes to read Sci Fi or speculative fiction (what’s the difference, I’ll have to have a look me thinks?) but it’s good to dream though very rarely do we get it right, which is a big shame: step up ‘time travel’, ‘warp drive’, ‘human robots’ – one day maybe but not yet…

Sometimes I look back (well I am a sentimental old fool – I cry such buckets of tears at family videos I have to keep several boxes of tissues on hand). I remember the 70’s and the 80’s and it doesn’t seem that long ago, a few years but I’ve changed from a teenager to a middle-aged person in the blink of an eye.

The 80’s I remember don’t feel much different to now, hair styles may have been a little more bouffant for women but for your average person life was pretty much the same. Yes we had fewer channels on television but the rain was still wet, a spot of snow closed all the schools and the Rolling Stones were already old!

Old ladies still seem to develop a fetish for blue rinses, Coronation Street still battles with Eastenders and there is yet another recession! All we need now is Dallas back on TV (maybe the last twenty years were all a dream…) and I can pretend I’m twenty again (I still feel twenty in my head though my eyes tell me differently).

Right I have to go and plug my Commodore in and find those Robocod tapes! Bye for now!