Greg Behrendt on Women Making the First Move

The jury is still out as to whether or not women should make the first move — some women love the power while others take the old-fashioned approach and wait for the men to come to them — but at the end of the day, it's really all about personal preference. After hearing some of Greg Behrendt's advice on dating, I'm sure you can assume that he'd have something to say on this topic too! To see how he feels on women asking men out, just read more.

Do you think it’s okay for women to make the first move?

Yes, I just think that the thing women need to keep in mind is most men, or at least the men that I know, were raised to ask people out so if a guy isn’t asking you out, it’s not like he doesn’t know he’s supposed to. On the other hand, yeah, I think it’s your life you do what you want. It won’t bother me what you do. As long as you’re happy, I don’t care how you get there.

I second cfp..amen chatondeneige. This book is extremely stereotypical. "Most guys"...ok even if he clarified to the guys he knows..that is still oversimplifying men as a whole. If I were a guy, I certainly wouldn't care for someone lumping my gender together as whole and assuming none of us have our own personalities or qualities. A lot of my guy friends have all said how this book reflects the typical players attitude toward women, which I happen to agree with..IMO.

I think many men say that they want women to ask them out, but only because it is an ego boost and saves them doing the work. The bottom line is that men do like the thrill of the chase (male friends and partners have admitted this to me) and if you really liked you as much as you like him, then much of the time he would have already asked you out.
So as someone else said, do you really want to date a man that liked you but didn't have the guts to just ask you out? Or alternately do you really want to date a guy that is going out with you just because you boosted his ego or he doesn't have any better prospects? I have mostly always waited for men to come to me first. If you don't have the balls to talk to me/ask me out, or notice how great I am, then you are too much of a wimp to be with a strong lady like me anyways (incidentally I am engaged now and yes he admits that he did enjoy the 'thrill of the chase').

I'm sure not a single woman on this site has ever gone on a date just because she felt like it, only to discover that she really like the guy even though she hadn't really considered him before. And I'm sure no man would ever have that happen, either. So don't dare ask a man out and seem socially forward! That would be gauche, and a smart man like Greg wouldn't want us to risk that! :oy:

You are not getting what Greg is saying...he is saying fine, go ahead and ask him out and maybe he will go, but his point is, if a guy is really interested, he will contact you first. That's all. He is not making a value judgment, he is just telling you how he sees it from a guy's perspective.
I happen to agree with him on this. He's not saying don't do it, he's just saying, you really don't know how into you he is if he doesn't ask first.
Plus, if the guy isn't interested enough in you to "get up the nerve" to ask you out, why would you want to date him anyway? Seriously.

"...men that I know, were raised to ask people out so if a guy isn’t asking you out, it’s not like he doesn’t know he’s supposed to..."
I'm kind of upset by this advice. Maybe I'm reading into this wrong but is he seriously saying to kind of assume that if a guy isn't asking you out that means he's not really into you. That's uhm...harsh. I ask men out all the time and most of them really like that because just because they are "supposed to" doesn't make it any less scary for them. Since when is it strange for a woman to like a man and want to ask him out? It beats passively waiting around hoping that he will get up the nerve to do it himself and wondering if he's interested.
Not a fan of any of this advice so far.

If he actually likes you, he's not going to be put off by the fact that you asked him out first. If he's in it for petty, childish reasons like The Chase, then he's not going to be into it. I'm sorry, but WHY is it still 1950s week on DearSugar? This is ridiculous.

I prefer to make the first move. I'm sick of hearing all of this advice. If you like each other, it's going to work out. If one of you is not into it, then it's not going to work out and you move on. Everything is too damn complicated and overanalyzed these days.