Trump to Discontinue Obama-Era Practice of Using Lowercase Letters

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Charting a sharply different course from that of his predecessor in the White House, Donald J. Trump announced on Monday that he would discontinue the Obama-era practice of using lowercase letters.

In a series of early-morning tweets, Trump announced the ban on lowercase letters, calling them “SMALL” and “WEAK.”

“I WILL KEEP AMERICA STRONG BY USING ALL CAPS,” he tweeted. “THERE ARE NO SMALL LETTERS IN USA!”