Imagined drunk texts from famous authors, which may someday be bested by actual drunk texts from famous authors.

Exploring the Groupon literary style—part surrealist, part just plain ridiculous—which yields gems like this one: “Much like the sale of sardines at movie-theater concession stands, the popularity of laser hair-removal treatments is evidence that most people secretly long to be dolphins.”

Sixteen-year-old Bruce McAllister, fed up with hunting for symbols in English lit, mailed a survey to 150 novelists, asking if the symbolism in their work was intentional. Seventy-five completed the survey. Here’s how 12 of them responded.

Simon Armitage on the British government’s proposed new curriculum, which would require school children to memorize and recite poetry by heart: “Isn’t it also the case, on a very basic level, that if we are going to remember language (and we are going to remember language) then we might as well remember the good stuff?”