My name is Orny and this is my blog. You may know me as a stand-up comedian and now you can know me better through my writing. (Please excuse all spelling and grammatically errors-- a man who is
his own editor has a fool for a client.)

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Hanes dumps Sheen as Spokesman (Finally!)

Hanes brands has dropped Charlie Sheen because of domestic violence charges filed against the actor. The headline should read: "Wife beater no longer to endorse wife beater."

(Somebody give that one to Leno.)

(If my mom is reading this, a "wife beater" is slang for those skin tight white tank tops you see a lot of rappers and wife beaters wearing.)

Hanes should've dumped Sheen after that one ad with him begging Michael Jordan to hang out with him. Any actor of his recognizability should never do an ad that ends with him throwing his phone into Jordan's car saying, "Call me." He should know better than to recycle a once popular and overused expression from THE LAST DECADE!

In 2010 I would like to see never said again: Call me. Check please. (Person talking about a person behind their back then they get slightly nervous and say) He/she is right behind me right? I'm sure there are many more, but it's early and my brain is not working yet.

I would like to see the end of beer commercials were the guys love their beer more than their wives. If you have never been married, like me, if you believed beer commercials-- you would think that every guy spends all weekend plotting ways to sneak away from his wife and drink beer with the guys. Is it really like that? None of my friends are like that. They wouldn’t ever dare try and sneak away from their wives.

There is one very clever and funny beer ad-- in my opinion-- the one where the girls are getting a tour of the house and see her huge closet and go nuts screaming. Only to stop because they hear louder screams coming from the guys who discover his beer closet. It’s a great ad and I still couldn’t tell you what beer it’s for.

If you can think of more hacky ad stuff-- post them here. I'm sure I will think of more. And if you disagree with me-- don't call me.

They need to dispense with any ads where the father/husband is shown as a moron compared to his wife and/or kids. This has been done to death for the last decade. If you believe the ad community, it's a wonder we, as men, can even function as adults. Please!

I do love that beer closet commercial. It's one of the few that has made me laugh in a long time.

Thanks Trevor. I just shot a new comedy Special that will air later this year and I did that Female Vote bit. And now it is officially "old!"

And Tom-- YOU are correct. I was going to mention that father/husband bumbling around pulling down the new shades type of commercial-- but I hear Brian Regan (the comedian) does a very funny take on it. I have not heard it-- but Brian is always funny.

Husbands are always plotting.plotting...that's one of those weird words that when repeated loses all meaning.okay,it's not that he is bumbling, he's just that big room of 1960s Computer Banks, while I'm a...Cyborg? and I do not think this of all men, I love Men as a Species.They can be quite useful!(truthfully I DESPISE the wholeMen vs Women thing.)

Sheen is creepy.his dad is creepy.Emilio, I like Emilio.Hanes should sponsor him.

no more commercials paid for by Drug Companies like "our good friends @ CVS Pharmacies"

no more commercials that discuss Vaginas & what they may or may not be doing.

Viva wife beaters on Men& tight black T-shirts.Yum.

and no one is allowed in 2010 to call an answering machine and say:Are you there? Pick up!

Add that to the list of lines that should forever be stricken from use. It was funny for about 5 minutes (maybe), years ago but it's way old now and they just won't let it die. I think I reached my peak of disgust with it when it was used in one of the last round of Star Wars movies. Really?