I kind of
hate this album, but it’s not Keane’s fault. A lot
of people love precious emo-pop with pretty chamber-melodies and
foppishly sincere “nice British boy” vocals. They
get comparisons to Radiohead but they have none of the edge; they
get fairer comparisons to Coldplay but at least Chris Martin seems
to be truly out there in the moment when he sings, whereas I don’t
hear any sort of commitment in the cabaret vocals of singer Tom
Chaplin. Maybe it can only be picked up by special and sensitive
ears which are not my own.

I’m not saying
these aren’t well-constructed songs; they are. Opening salvo
“Somewhere Only We Know” builds up exactly the way
it’s supposed to, all measured modalities and piano thumpage
(that’s the gimmick, by the way: piano, no guitar, yeah
yeah) and some Freddie Mercury-minus-the-absurdity-and-love balladeering
from Chaplin, oh yeah there’s the slowdown, here comes the
buildup…boom, right on schedule! For something with so many
healthy ingredients (sincerity, songcraft, loveliness), this is
pure junkfood.

But there’s
another whole bunch of album here, and it’s standard-issue.
“Sunshine” starts with soft piddly electric piano
and adds some comforting cymbal washes and a heartbeat bassline,
it’s nice in that sugary-sad way that I liked when I was
twelve…but I’m not twelve any more, and now it just
puts me to sleep. “This Is the Last Time” has similar
ingredients, but shows off some Smiths/Cure influences which also
bore me to tears – not the bands themselves, understand,
just the “influences” part.

And how are
you going to have a song called “Untitled I” and make
it sound just like all your other stuff? Keane, you ain’t
fooling me with little baby-dub effects on your drums and vocals
– this is the same song as all your other songs. Okay, until
the bridge, which is kinda dope. And the drums are pretty funky
here. All right, I’ll grant you “Untitled I,”
never mind.

But this is
just pretty much an argument for the uselessness of this kind
of music for me. It’s got the illusion of sadness but not
actual sadness: “Don’t laugh at me / Don’t look
away / You’ll follow me back with the sun in your eyeeeeeeeeees”.
It’s got self-pity as a main speed. And, although it makes
me seem like a self-hating white guy, it’s just the whitest
music on earth.

There’s
a need for that kind of stuff, I guess; apparently Keane is godhead
among many people. I just thank whatever deity that made me that
I don’t know any of those people.28-Aug-2004
11:26 AM

1. Somewhere Only We Know
2. This Is The Last Time
3. Bend And Break
4. We Might As Well Be Strangers
5. Everybody's Changing
6. Your Eyes Open
7. She Has No Time
8. Can't Stop Now
9. Sunshine
10. Untitled 1
11. Led To One
12. Bedshaped