Category: Self-Help

An app called Dragon Anywhere allows people to talk to their smart phone with no word or time limits. Talking out loud with a piece of technology is socially acceptable these days, but what about when no one or no thing is listening?

Many associate hearing voices or talking to oneself with mental illnesses like schizophrenia. And because these behaviours deviate from the norm, they make people uncomfortable.

But might there be benefits to expressing inner voices out loud?

James McConnell, an American biologist and animal psychologist, has said that talking to oneself is psychologically healthy. And neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor, in her book My Stroke of Insight, argues that speaking out loud makes the mind more focused, and even calls it “a powerful instrument”.

In an article in The Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology, Gary Lupyan and Daniel Swingley discuss the functions of talking to oneself, also known as self-directed speech. Compared to thinking about a word (e.g., chair), hearing a word out loud can make us better visual detectors of that word in our surroundings. Speaking facilitates the search. This phenomenon is called the label feedback hypothesis.

It is unclear, however, whether the label feedback hypothesis can be applied to broader concepts like happiness. Can happiness literally be spoken into existence?

Proponents of positive affirmations think so, noting the benefits of repeating positive statements directed toward oneself. A study at the University of California, Los Angeles, showed that students who repeated positive affirmations produced fewer stresshormones. And another study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin by a team of researchers from Columbia, Berkeley, and Google found positive self-affirmations help those in low-power positions perform better.

Self-talk has other benefits as well. In a PsychCentral piece, Talking to Yourself: A Sign of Sanity, psychologist Linda Sapadin notes that giving voice to our goals focuses attention, controls emotions, and keeps distractions away.

In fact, this may be the best way for some individuals to get organized. While a number of people are visual learners, using calendars and to-do lists, it may be that others do better by simply speaking out loud.

Matt Duczeminski explains in his book 6 Benefits of Talking to Yourself (No, You’re Not Crazy) that talking through your thoughts helps distinguish big tasks from smaller ones, for example, getting organized by talking through a to-do list.

But not all self-talk is useful. In fact, talking about our failures and putting ourselves down can be quite harmful. As Sapadin puts it, “That kind of self-talk is worse than no talk at all.” And it can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, where we view ourselves negatively and act accordingly, attracting others who reinforce those beliefs.

The link between negative self-talk and depression is also quite strong. In fact, those who engage in more negative self-talk experience more stress and inferior health, both psychologically and physically. Language and cognition expert, Steven Hayes, says negative thoughts are like passengers in the backseat of the car you’re driving. You hear them, but your focus should be on the task ahead.

Another way of coping with negative self-talk is by giving your negative voice a name. Brené Brown, author of the New York Times Bestsellers The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly, calls her inner critic ‘The Gremlin’, making light of the little voice inside her head.

The internet is rife with social media societies on many popular sites, including Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. #Ana, #Sue, #Cat—translated, they mean anorexia, suicidal, and self-harm.

By searching these tags, online users are exposed to a slew of posts from people experiencing the mental illnesses or issues tagged. On Instagram you can find pictures of users with fresh cuts on their arms accompanied by the hashtag #Cat, indicating self-harm.

A study by Janis Whitlock, Jane Powers, and John Eckenrode at Cornell University found that the self-injury-related message boards studied were mostly frequented by females between the ages of 14 and 20.

With so many young people accessing social media, membership to these online communities can be concerning. In an interview with Vice, Frank Köhnlein, a youth psychiatrist at the University Clinic in Basel, discussed how young members are particularly vulnerable:

“Young people who are already fragile and perhaps already have experience with self-harm could be massively stimulated by this sort of thing and encouraged to self-harm again. When self-harm is glorified or—as in this case—put into an almost religious context, so that it is evaluated positively, the risk is particularly high.”

The Whitlock study showed that online interactions can reduce social isolation in adolescents since the exchanges allow teenagers to connect with others easily. In essence, social media can serve as a virtual support group where users gain instant help.

But negative implications may outweigh the positive. Whitlock also found that participating in self-harm message boards online can normalize and encourage self-harm, and teach vulnerable individuals tactics to conceal self-injurious behaviors. Users within these virtual sub-communities often exchange techniques for self-harming as well.

A study by Carla Zdanow and Bianca Wright at the Department of Journalism, Media, and Philosophy at the Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University looked at user statements in two Emo Facebook groups. They found that cutting was discussed often, with teenagers openly expressing affirmative opinions of these behaviors.

Sites like Instagram are aware of the precarious environment their users have created. When searching for tags like #Sue, a “Content Advisory” warning comes up reading, “Please be advised: These posts may contain graphic content. For information and support with suicide or self-harm please tap on Learn More.” The notice displays a link to Befrienders Worldwide, a site that provides emotional support to prevent suicide. Users can then choose to view posts or navigate away from their original search.

Instagram outlines the types of photos and videos that are “appropriate” for posting in their Community Guidelines, specifically singling out eating disorders, and self-injury as not welcome in the community.

Megan Moreno at the Seattle Children’s Research Institute and colleagues conducted a study where they found 10 hashtags on Instagram related to non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI). A popular image outlining the code words for mental illnesses titled #MySecretFamily had over 1.5 million search results. Only one-third of the NSSI related hashtags generated content advisory warnings, which means that the majority of this NSSI content is easily accessible to all Instagram users, regardless of age or mental stability.

In an interview with A Stark Reality, a 15-year-old girl from Denmark, whose name was changed to protect her identity, described her relationship with this online community:

“The community means that I can express myself, and talk to people all over the world that feel the same way. Sometimes we cheer each other up, other times we drag each other down in that big, black hole called sadness.”

For better or worse, people reach out to online communities. But sites like Instagram and Twitter can play a greater role in providing their users with mental health resources and accurate information.

The stigma of pedophilia and the fear of criminal consequences often prevent non-offending pedophiles from seeking help. Non-offenders who confess sexual urges toward children are usually turned away by professionals who are untrained or unwilling to help, leaving these adults or adolescents to struggle on their own.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines a pedophile as someone who has “recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviours involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child or children.” To be diagnosed with pedophilia, the person must experience these symptoms for at least six months, and feel serious distress from the sexual urges and fantasies.

As an under-researched population, it is hard to know the precise number of non-offending pedophiles. Michael Seto, Director of the University of Ottawa’s Forensic Research Unit, estimates that up to 9 percent of men have fantasized about having sex with a prepubescent child. It is now believed that approximately 1 to 5 percent of men identify as a pedophile.

Adam (name changed), a non-offending pedophile, first noticed his attraction toward young children when he was 11. In a Matter Magazine interview with award-winning journalist Luke Malone, he describes his adolescence as a period of agonizing self-hatred:

“I was passively suicidal for a long time […] A lot of it was, ‘I’m a monster’ for having viewed [child pornography], but also just for having these attractions.”

There is currently no system in place in Canada to treat those who are sexually attracted to children, but have not acted upon these urges. Mandatory reporting laws, which make professionals responsible for reporting suspicion of child abuse to Child Protective Services, often deter non-offending pedophiles from seeking treatment. In Ontario, this requirement exists under the Child and Family Services Act.

Elizabeth Letourneau, Director of the Moore Center for the Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse at Johns Hopkins University, is a leading force in prevention programming targeting non-offending pedophiles. In an interview with TIME Magazine, she describes her experiences working with this population.

“I’ve spoken to young men who were horrified to realize they were attracted to younger children in adolescence, and that they were not growing out of their attraction. They described appalling childhoods, living in self-imposed isolation for fear of being discovered and labeled a pedophile. Several expressed self-loathing. Many considered suicide. As adolescents, they wanted help controlling their sexual impulses, but had nowhere to turn for help.”

A U.S. researcher in the field of primary prevention, Letourneau calls for the development of a “culture of prevention” around pedophilia. She advocates for preventative therapy for both non-offenders and offenders alike:

“If they could have just turned to someone to talk about this, a professional who’s going to treat this objectively and see them as a person of worth, who’s going to know that they’re not bad kids, that they’re good kids but they have this aspect of them that they really need help controlling. That’s what they’re looking for and that’s what I hope we can provide.”

Many non-offending pedophiles like Adam desperately turn to the internet for social support. In his words:

“For a pedophile, there is almost no place to go and get information or any sort of help, I’m sure that there are pedophiles who kill themselves who will never reveal or admit to it, even in a suicide letter. I think there’s probably a lot more than people would realize.”

Adam now leads an informal online support group for pedophiles in their teens and early twenties who want help battling this issue. There are a total of nine members, between sixteen and twenty-two years of age. All members need to abide by two rules: no previous history of offending and complete abstinence from child pornography.

Other self-help resources exist online for non-offending pedophiles. Virtuous Pedophiles, the largest online pedophile support group in the U.S., currently has 318 members and operates under the simple belief that sex with children is wrong.

In Germany, prevention efforts are already in place. Thousands of self-identified pedophiles reach out to Prevention Project Dunkelfeld, a therapeutic program that targets non-offending males attracted to children. Germany does not have mandatory reporting laws, making it easier for non-offending pedophiles to seek treatment.

In accordance with recent research on pedophilia claiming a neurobiological basis to the disease, Klaus Beier, director of the German project, believes that, at the very least, a minor attraction to children is a fixed part of a pedophile’s identity. Dunkelfeld operates within a harm reduction framework. Rather than trying to change behaviour, the program works to manage their clients’ attraction towards children. The project offers both weekly cognitive behaviour therapy sessions and libido-reducing medication.

Paradigm shifts towards relieving stigma and treating pedophilia as a disease are key to enacting real change. It is vital to differentiate between fantasy and behavior and to offer resources to those who want to manage their condition willingly.

The expectation of unending compassion for others is unrealistic. For trauma workers, hearing devastating stories can take its toll. This can be seen in detrimental effects to physical and emotional health; that is, a specific type of burnout called compassion fatigue.

The Trauma & Mental Health Report recently spoke with compassion fatigue specialist and director of Compassion Fatigue Solutions in Kingston, Ontario, Françoise Mathieu, to discuss the symptoms of the condition and how trauma workers can protect themselves from it.

Q: What is compassion fatigue?

A: It is a gradual shift and decline in an individual’s ability to feel empathy and compassion towards others. It is not an illness or disorder. Often, the term compassion fatigue is used interchangeably with vicarious trauma or secondary traumaticstress (STS), but there is a distinction.

STS refers to a traumatic, stressful experience without direct exposure to the trauma. STS results from hearing traumatic stories, like hearing witness testimonies or stories of torture. Over time, those stories can shift your view of the world to a tainted and jaded one, to the point where you lose the ability to experience joy. For example, people who work with victims of sexual trauma may have a hard time trusting babysitters or coaches. Vicarious trauma is the result of the accumulation of several STS experiences.

Q: Who is susceptible to compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, and STS?

A: Helping professionals are the most susceptible. This typically includes physicians, nurses, mental health care workers, allied health professionals, therapists, clergy, law enforcement, teachers, long term care workers, and personal support workers.

The public can also start internalizing trauma from continuous exposure to graphic images portrayed by the media. Overexposure of the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks created a heightened sense of danger and paranoia. The difference is that the relationship helping professionals form with their clients is very unique: You become deeply vulnerable. When you’re opening your heart and listening to someone’s pain, it can be very intense.

Q: Are there any signs and symptoms of compassion fatigue?

A: A major warning sign is workaholism. Many helping professionals are so dedicated to their jobs that they don’t have a balance between their work and home lives. The more caring you are, the more vulnerable you are. We call it a “normal consequence” of doing a good job. Helping professionals may experience a decline in empathy, reduced collegiality, dreading client appointments, and belittling their stories.

Or, someone might be doing a great job at work, but they have nothing left to give at home. Warning signs are irritability, social isolation, emotional and physical exhaustion, or self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, or even excessive shopping.

Q: What can protect trauma workers?

A: With increased budget cuts, many trauma workers do not have adequate training, so Trauma Informed Training can be highly protective. Richard Harrison and Marvin Westwood, researchers from the University of British Columbia (UBC), studied experienced trauma therapists and found that those who connected spiritually or creatively with something outside their work and felt supported by their families and communities managed well with the stress of their jobs.

Establishing a deep therapeutic alliance characterized by a meaningful relationship with clients, based on presence and heartfelt concern, also provided professional satisfaction.

Q: What can a person with compassion fatigue do to alleviate symptoms?

A: We can’t prevent compassion fatigue, but there are strategies and tools for professionals to be able to feel grounded, present in the moment, and well trained. Ask yourself these questions:

–Do I work somewhere where I have control? Control over your schedule can reduce compassion fatigue. Small changes can make a big difference.

–Do I have a debriefing process that might relieve some of the emotional strain?

–Do I have access to supportive people whom I can consult with, when I hear difficult stories?

–Am I trained in trauma-related concepts, so that I have a better understanding of the side effects?

–Do I have a transition ritual, a way to leave work behind and transition into my home life? (e.g., yoga, exercise)

Last, research shows that the most effective strategy is Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, which recommends relaxation techniques to reduce stress and improve self-compassion.

Mathieu adds that even if you have your own past history of trauma, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be a helping professional. In this case, it’s important to identify your triggers, ensure you have a support system, and that your caseload doesn’t remind you of your personal trauma.

Mathieu cautions the trauma worker to “pay equal attention to the needs of your client, and yourself.”