Now that I have FINALLY, officially filed--thanks to nearly a year of prodding and pummeling from you wonderful, relentless people ;-) I am starting a new thread to reflect the next step in my saga.

Thanks to everyone for your continuing support!

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Dec 2012

LonelyHusband♂ 34145Member # 34145

Posted: 5:07 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

thank f**k for that. Now you will start to see light at the end of the tunnel for you and the kids. The next few weeks and months will be very scary, but you WILL get through it, and will wonder at the end why you struggled for so long with such a heavy weight on your back. One of these days you will post in here and say "OMG I feel like a new man, like someone has just taken a rock off my back" and I can't wait to see it. I'll be here to applaud.

The rules now are simple

Your response to emails / texts / phone calls etc is

"You need to contact me through my lawyer"

that's the ONLY way to stop her from continuing to stick emotional daggers in your heart. Now is the time to go No contact. She has zero right and zero excuse to communicate with you about anything other than logistics for the kids.

Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6401 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan

IrishLass518♀ 34373Member # 34373

Posted: 6:35 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

What a big step for you Abbondad. This takes such strength. The others are right, refer to lawyer for any of her questions and do not succumb to the hoovering and the roller coaster ticket she will offer you. Stay strong

Thanks, Everyone. I couldn't have done it without all of you, my exasperated brother, and my incredible therapist, who called me personally today to let me know she is in my corner and to please call her any time.

(If you recall, she was also my STBXWW's therapist and our MC. I knew the whole time she saw just how horribly I was being abused yet could not say anything until my wife stopped seeing her. Which she did one day when my/our therapist dared to imply that maybe my wife should stop having an affair and instead devote her energy to her family, who are in a great deal of pain. My wife stood up and declared, "I don't have to be attacked like this," and never returned.)

Hey...what did the lawyer say about her moving back

Temporary use of the marital home? Yes, she's going to file for it, but it takes like two months.

I don't believe she will actually move in, but if she does, there really isn't anything I can do about it. And if she does, it would certainly weaken/destroy her case if she starts with the "he's abusive" bullshit.

Basically she doesn't have a leg to stand on. My attorney said if she is smart and listens to her attorney, she will keep her mouth shut and just settle.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Dec 2012

openedupmyeyes♀ 27871Member # 27871

Posted: 7:15 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

Bravo Abbondad. Bravo

Me:55 BS
Him:55 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:37
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 770 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas

Grace and Flowers♀ 34431Member # 34431

Posted: 7:19 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

And so are you having her served? Sorry if I missed where you posted which method you had decided on.

So glad you jumped this hurdle today. You still have much to go through, but at least now you don't have to deal with her directly.

Good luck!

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1234 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US

Abbondad♂ 37898Member # 37898

Posted: 7:29 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

do not succumb to the hoovering and the roller coaster ticket she will offer...

Oh, I know her better than she knows herself. There will be no more hoovering ever again once she is served. Nothing but viciousness, vindictiveness, and malice from now on.

But truly I have never felt stronger. Not one tear shed in almost a week--for the first time in a year. Thank god. One of my worst fears through all this has always been that there is something wrong with me--that I should not be THIS devastated, joined by the fear that I will never feel anything BUT this pain.

And really it didn't matter what truths all of you were saying to rebut me. (Not to diminish anyone's advice; you were all right, all the time). Ultimately I had to go through it on my own timeline.

There were so many "tipping points" along the way that made me threaten--and then back down from--divorce. I just needed ONE more punch. I just didn't know what it would be. And it turned out to be my little boy seeing that disgusting picture. It just really gave that lightbulb its final twist.

My mind calmly clicked and said, "OK, that's quite enough." And it finally was. Quiet fury--and no longer for myself--took the place of all other emotions.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Dec 2012

thenon-goddess♀ 31229Member # 31229

Posted: 7:30 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

AD, I'm proud of you. You've come a long way! Reading through your posts and the replies is also what gave me a nudge to get out from under the limbo stick. You done good

Posts: 1315 | Registered: Feb 2011

Abbondad♂ 37898Member # 37898

Posted: 7:31 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

And so are you having her served?

My attorney asks me how I prefer to have it done. We decided that my attorney herself would call her personally, in her best hardass voice. I like that.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Dec 2012

5454real♂ 37455Member # 37455

Posted: 8:27 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

Good job, nay, great job brother.

Careful, all her weapons are NOT depleted. She installed a lot of buttons. Guard your heart well.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 18530 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada

lostmommy♀ 33440Member # 33440

Posted: 8:53 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

I am so proud of you! You've come a long way. This will not be an easy road, but you're more than halfway there. Keep up the GREAT work.

Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY

ButterflyGirl♀ 38377Member # 38377

Posted: 9:10 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

Congrats dad. You've taken a huge step in protecting yourself..

Basically she doesn't have a leg to stand on. My attorney said if she is smart and listens to her attorney, she will keep her mouth shut and just settle.

Any chance she could give my POS that advice? It's costing me more than it should to crack the lies he's holding himself up with..

Lots of hugs dad.. You've come a long way.. I guess I should feel lucky it only took a month for him to throw the punch that broke it for good.. I agree that naked pic should have been the final straw for you.. Absolutely horrified for you and the kids.. More hugs to you all..

xBW~ 36
Two DS~ 8 and 11
You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul. So don't come back for me. Don't come back at all.