The week usually begins with something witty to say. Alas every day this week will feel like Monday. And when those days get to feeling like this, the only thing that comes to mind are the words, “oh sh*t!”

This week is not destined and there’s much to be told. So sit back and be patient as the scroll unfolds.

When you’ve run out of “woulds,” and “shoulds,” and “coulds…” who’s the first person you think of?

HOTTYWOOD!

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

A bullsh*tter will tell you a whole bunch of nothing. What they don’t say is what you want to hear. _________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Your private parts will wreak of smelly feet for 48 hours.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Wear a cape tomorrow. The back of your pants will stick to your butt like envelope glue.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

Sometimes you need distance to get close.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Not many people are willing to give you the fruits of their labor if you have nothing to bring to the table. _________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Being out of control upon entering another man’s house only shows how much order you have in your own.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

How much is it worth if you look good but there’s nothing good about you?

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

Not every blessing is meant to be shared because you aren’t strong enough to prevent the devil from taking it away.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

You haircut makes you look like the mayor of a small mexican town.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Appreciate laughter except when it comes out of your nose.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Only a wise ass or a dumb man can validate “1” and “1” totalling eleven.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

The phrase, “dropping the ball,” has nothing to do with what’s inside a man’s pants.

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Quote of the week: “What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter. He isn’t going to come.”