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So many thoughts cross my mind every day. EVERY. MOMENT. This post is going to basically be a bunch of tweets. That’s what it seems like.
Why isn’t this weight coming off faster? Why am I such a food-o-holic? Why is Lauren Zicis’ character on Glee so poorly dressed? Like we plus size girls can actually pull it together. Dress her better. I really don’t like my job anymore. How much is this car going to cost to fix? Why do shitty things happen to good people? Whats it like to kiss again? it’s been oh three years since i did it last sober. Why does everything take so long? Why don’t I have more patience? Grey’s Anatomy’s best season was season TWO! I love to dance but I HATE dancing with guys. It’s basically dry humping and I don’t know you. I wish I didn’t have such an adverse reaction to alcohol like putting on a thousand pounds after drinking it because I could really use an escape tonight. I wish I could fast forward all this. I wish water pills didn’t make me pee a thousand times a day. Taking metformin makes my mouth taste like metal. I want you. I want you, like, bad.
I am a sucker for the WORST men. I get that I need to love myself before I love anyone else but it didn’t stop me and now I’m trying to convince myself everyday it wasn’t love just a tragic obsession like every other crush I have ever had.
Am I going to die alone? I want a tattoo in the crook of my thumb and forefinger that says patience because I literally have zero. I keep thinking the worst. STOP thinking the worst. I HATE Detroit. I am very thankful i don’t live there. i want a knife. i want a big knife. I want to sing in front of a crowd and not get all froggy.
I want people to hear me sing like I do when my house is empty. I need to finish my book. Am I a lost cause? Could that guy have been “the” one and I just wrote him off as a dude with no balls? Probably. Edema sucks.
I want to live in the WARMTH. I love a cute sweater. Will anyone ever identify me as anything other than that big girl? Will people stop mooing at me? Should I change my blog name? I really love guys with light eyes. I wish I looked more like Sara Ramirez. I wish I was more Spanish/Puerto Rican influenced like my mom she’s so beautiful. I need to practice my spanish for real. I wanna show a lot of people up. I wanna rub it in their face that I am better than them. I can be a hardcore bitch but i really mean no harm unless i hate you or suspect you of foul play. I think one of my friends screwed me over for months and is still lying to me but i have no proof so i try not to hold this insane grudge or point fingers . I squeeze my arms to feel better. I’m 23 but i’m more like 17. Is life passing me by? Will I ever get over myself? I wanna help kids with cancer. I want to be left a lone. I hate being alone for too long. I need a fucking facial. I want purple streaks. I want to meet Lady Gaga and see if she’s all bull shit. I like her though. I wish I could take voice lessons with Adele and Sara Ramirez. “I’m beautiful in my way because God makes no mistakes.” I hate mean opiniated people. I can be pretty opinionated but if I say them in a kind way- or I try. Broccoli tastes like a fart.
“I was born to survive.” How can any one say hold it against me is better than born this way? I just want to buy a prius and drive across the country. I need to get to bed. Love is love.