Need advice, give up or student teach again

I had to withdraw from my student teaching due to my daughters mental health. My CT was not good and it was very stressful on top of my daughters issues. As I was teaching a lesson my mind would go blank and I was unable to reflect immediately on my lessons. I was told I lacked content knowledge and classroom management even though I had the same issues as the CT with the students. My placement was traumatic and still gives me anxiety when I reflect on it.

My confidence has taken a huge hit. I feel like I should get a job as an aide to increase my confidence. I have my sub license but if they say I lack content knowledge will I be an effective sub?

What would help me the most to successfully complete my placement and edTPA?

Do you really lack content knowledge? Even if you're teaching and you need to brush up on something before a lesson, you can read and prepare ahead of time. I taught a course on photography, and I wanted the kids to see the progression of the development of photography... but it's not like I was an expert on the history of photography. I just prepared ahead of time so that I could talk about it and teach it.

You don't necessarily need content knowledge to sub. Many people sub in subject areas they did not study. In many cases the kids help or you can look through manuals to figure things out. Many subs don't have teaching degrees and some states don't even require anything above a high school diploma to sub. You just have to know what y0ur state requires. If you are an almost certified teacher, you are ahead of the game when it comes to subbing.

If you currently lack confidence, it could be a good idea to apply for a teaching assistant/para position as long as you can afford to live on the salary for a while. It will give you a chance to observe another teacher besides your former CT, and help you determine if he/she was adequate or not.

Maybe you can research potential CT's to see if you can find one who is more reasonable and a better fit for you. If you feel like you need work on your content knowledge of your subject, you can read up on it online or purchase/check out books from the library to study it.

Thank you! As I was reading your comment I had a reflection. My CT had me re-do my lessons daily to adjust for the next day what we didn't get to. I think that I was so busy trying to keep him happy that I didn't have time to really read the manuals. I was usually glancing at them after I got ready the morning I taught them.

When I met him before Christmas break I asked if he could give me manuals to look over before I started and he said he didn't have any extra. Even when I started to plan I had to hunt through his books to find them.

Thank you. I think observing other teachers might be a good idea. I wish there was a way to assess what I teach as a sub. At least if I know the students are learning, it would build my confidence. I'm going to look for assistant or paraprofessional jobs.

Checking out books is a good idea, thanks. Researching CT's is also a good idea. My CT definitely gave me anxiety.

I've had bad experiences with CTs, which got me involuntarily ejected from the program. I went back to subbing, and while I ran into a serious issue there (see my Are a lot of Teachers this Evil? post), it did help me establish my teaching style, which I could not do when teaching under someone else. I learned that a lot of the things the CT, my professors, and other teachers I observed were doing things that were ineffective, which I never would have figured out otherwise.

It also gives you a chance to try out different classroom management techniques, and build confidence as you're able to figure things out on your own. When it's time to go back to the CT, you'll know exactly what kind of teacher you are, and no one will be able to intimidate you.

Don't worry about content knowledge - subs are provided with notes that explain all they need to know, as well as how to present the material, though there are also a LOT of teachers who just give you a pile of review worksheets that the class spends the day completing. If you've had ANY classes on education you're already far better ahead of most subs.

As for the mind blanking, working in an actual classroom should help you get over your anxieties over time, though that might also be your fault. Even experienced teachers know never leave anything to chance, so when you're just starting out, there's no reason not to write out detailed lesson plans, making sure to include every step and any essential information you need to know. In fact, write down anything you think there's even a possibility you might not remember, and keep it somewhere where you can access it quickly if you need to.