Girl on girl crime is rampant. I am consistently asked during my trainings and coaching sessions why women are often the harshest critics of other women. The multi-layered problem is driven by the idea of scarcity: that there are only a few spots at the top for women, and in order to obtain a coveted place on the podium, you must compete with other women. The commodifying language often used in male dominated work spaces further contribute to this myth: Which one are you? The one from Michigan or Northwestern? As though the leadership team is comparing tomatoes at a farmer’s market when talking about the few women on the team.

As a healthcare executive, I rarely questioned myself. I believed in my ability to be successful in my job, and I often heard great feedback on my programs and training from colleagues and supervisors.

But even though I still hear great feedback from my clients and friends, I don’t believe them.

My high school career aptitude test said I should be a fish & game warden. After frantically googling what that meant, it was clear that my responses on the “Do you like the outdoors?” section may have skewed the results.

Obviously, a test can’t tell you what your life’s work should be, but I so desperately wanted clear direction that I briefly considered this career path. Alas, a jumpy person alone in the woods does not mix well with firearms. So fish & game warden was out. On to the next idea.

Trial and error would become the theme of the next few years of my life. I changed my major multiple times in college before graduating with degrees in Economics and Marketing. I took a job in sales, got promoted twice, and quit within three years. I tried to “find myself” by traveling around Europe for a few months. You get the idea. I was literally and figuratively all over the map.

I should have been ecstatic. I was offered a promotion with the title I wanted and a $15k salary increase. Why wasn’t I jumping up and down with excitement?

Like many women, I had an idea of what it meant to be successful in the corporate world. Navigating my way through male-dominated meetings, sitting at the table ensuring my voice was heard, and climbing the corporate ladder so fast I didn’t stop to catch my breath.

This was the logical next step in my career, right? Then why didn’t I have an ounce of enthusiasm?

I sat across the table from the man who would determine my future. It was now or never.

My palms sweaty and my heart racing, I began to list all my achievements from the past three years. Finally, the words, burning on my tongue since the moment I walked in the room, slipped out and formed the sentence, “I’d like a promotion.”