The star of the U.K. version of "The Office" posted a script of a fake monologue poking fun at himself and Tinsletown's glitterati for their use on his website, reports the New York Daily News.

"Good luck," the draft opens. "They will do an absolutely fantastic job and don't need my help, but I've written a little opening in case they have a few minutes to fill."

What follows is a characteristic series of jokes and insults from the man whose performance as host of this year's Golden Globes was widely criticized for being too mean spirited.

Photos: The Oscar Nominees

"You probably know me from '127 Hours' where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decided he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was," Gervais wrote in a passage for Franco. "Now that sounds 'way out' but wait until half way through this #$%^&@# ceremony and you'll start to identify with him."