Tuesday, August 2, 2016

It's time once again to review the San Francisco Giants' walkup songs

Just like we did in 2012! Man, that was two World Serieses ago. Time flies, etc. I should have been doing this annually but I fell down and couldn't get up.

Let's reprint this Explainer from 2012:

(Walk-up music, if you're not a baseball fan or something, is the music played in the stadium in the time that it takes the player to walk up to the plate - ergo, "walk-up music." For pitchers, it's usually the music that plays when they're warming up. But more than simply that, it is a window into the soul of the player, and should be regarded as such.)

Some players have more than one walkup song. That's great! You go, girl. I, however, am compelled by no law, earthly or spiritual, to discuss every one of your songs.

Brandon Belt, "99 Problems" (Beyonce's husband) - Iconic, but I'm not sure it sends the right message when you're coming up to the plate. What if one of your problems is you let your right shoulder drop? But you can't argue about the song.

Derek Law, "I Fought the Law" (The Clash) - What you did there, I see it. But this is such an incredible get-fired-up song that every relief pitcher should use it, whether or not they're named Law or Clash or Joe Fucking Strummer 2.

Brandon Crawford, "Fuck Up Some Commas" (Future) - Finally, a song about the Oxford comma. I don't know what part of the song they play when Brandon is actually walking to the plate but it is almost guaranteed to have a "fuck" in it and for that it's all worth it. (Is this the only rap song to mention Groupon by name? I hope not.)

Javy Lopez, "The Humpty Dance" (Digital Underground) - Javier Lopez is about as old as me so this makes sense.

Joe Panik, "Moment of Clarity" (Beyonce's husband) - It will not surprise you to learn that Jay-Z is heavily represented on every team's walkup music roster. It's probably because he has a lot of songs that sound like anthems and also sound great in a booming, echoey stadium.

HARD ROCK

Hunter Strickland, "You Shook Me All Night Long" (AC/DC) - I have a fraught relationship with Hunter Strickland. I think he's come into his own as a relief pitcher but he will never know that because he blocked me on Twitter two years ago and APPARENTLY HOLDS A GRUDGE. Let's be friends, Hunter. I know I said some very mean things about you but that's back when you were giving away home runs like cops give out badge stickers. You're better now, and so am I! We cool?

Will Smith, "Stranglehold" (Ted Nugent) - Oh, too bad we just acquired Will Smith yesterday and now HE HAS TO LEAVE.

NEVER CHANGE, BUSTER

Buster Posey, "Hell on Wheels" (Brantley Gilbert) - Same walkup song he's had since at least 2012, and probably his whole life. I doubt Buster gives a shit, and some teammate in Salem-Keizer probably picked this for him and he was like "Fine with me, I only care about my family, the Lord, and the Game."

MEANWHILE ON PLANET HUNTER PENCE

Hunter Pence, "My Boo" (Ghost Town DJs) - I don't know why this cracks me up. Maybe because of this video, using the same music:

Hope you don't have anything to do this afternoon, because this site compiles walkup music for EVERY PLAYER IN MLB. Let's see who can find the Worst Walkup Song of All!

(SPOILER: I figured I'd just go straight to Bryce Harper and win AND his are bad but not The Absolute Worst. He has 5: J. Cole, Sinatra, Bieber, Bassnectar, and Moby. I am not in the least bit surprised that Bryce Harper finds it necessary to have 5 walkup songs.)

ARTISTS WHO RETURN NO RESULTS WHEN SEARCHING ON THE DATABASE OF ALL WALKUP SONGS IN MLB

8 comments:

I'm genuinely surprised that "Pump it Up" isn't SOMEBODY'S walk-up song, although if I were going to pick an Elvis Costello song for myself it would obviously be "I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down." Also, I'm not sure if this is how baseball works, but it would be funny if the person who comes on before or after Brandon Crawford picked "Oxford Comma" as their song. Maybe I should become a major league baseball player solely for this purpose?

GG - Agreed re Elvis Costello but remember that he's like Paul Anka is to us for most ballplayers. Also agreed that you should study baseball and become a professional baseballer so you can use "Oxford Comma" as your walkup song.

About Me

TK lives and works in San Francisco. He occasionally travels to places east of the Caldecott Tunnel, but not very often. His interests include bars, reality TV, and irony. Things seem to be going fine.