Mom Mondays: Tournament No-Go – Veto the Voyage

Hockey is just getting underway. You check your email frequently this
time of year as there is an avalanche of information. And there it is,
the welcome letter from the team coach.

Philosophy: It’s an upbeat, newsy email welcoming your child
to the new season and their new team. No doubt the email contains a
couple of lines about his or her coaching philosophy and plans for the
coming season, rooted in developing hockey stills and having fun. So far
so good.

The schedule: The coach is telling you where to be and when to
be there and reminds everyone how to check for themselves where to be
and when to be there. No need to panic; you got this!

Let’s get down to business: The coach is asking for some help
(volunteers) and some money (team fees). Things are getting serious now
and you haven’t even been on a date (the team icebreaker party) though
this is scheduled for next week! If you make eye contact with the coach
or manager, you’re hired!

Tournaments: On top of the practices and league games, the
coach is now telling all the parents about the tournaments that are
planned for the coming season and suddenly you’re getting a little
clammy. Looks like the team is committed to four of them (maybe three,
maybe six; this all depends on the level of hockey and the coach). Your
heart drops.

The away-tournament is often hyped up as the supreme hockey experience. For many young players, it is
the supreme hockey experience. But for some, these tournaments,
especially the away-tournaments, are an economic and logistical hardship
for many families.

The cost of a tournament registration is built into the team budget.
You’ve already paid for a portion of that through your team fees but now
there is a hotel, gas, restaurant meals and unexpected emergencies
(like your child forgot their hockey stick and you’re faced with
purchasing a new one). Taking time off work to attend a tournament
(which almost always starts on a Friday) can mean lost income. The
driving, especially night driving in the winter, can be extremely
unpleasant, stressful and occasionally downright dangerous. And finally,
if you have more than one child, there is always the added challenge of
arranging childcare and carpooling for the home team. For single hockey
moms? I won’t even begin to try to preach.

But maybe I can preach just a little. At one point in my life as a
hockey mom, I navigated a hockey season with fourteen hockey tournaments
for our three kids over a seven-month hockey season. Now those days are
gone, with only one left in minor hockey, but I do want to advocate for
the novice hockey mom who says ‘no’ to some hockey tournament
participation. If you’re new to the hockey mom thing, you have some
options that can save you time and money or both.

You can arrange for another family to take your child at a fraction
of the cost. Doing so is emotionally difficult when they’re young but
gets increasingly easier for everyone as the kids mature. (In fact,
anyone want to take my daughter to Huntsville in January??)

You can decide not to participate this time around. There will be
other opportunities, I guarantee it. Your coach can generally arrange
for a pick-up or affiliate player from another team relatively easily.
It happens all the time.

You can also have a say in the budgeting process of the team. Six
tournaments, really? How about five, leaving more money in the budget
for a pizza dinner after a home game? Four tournaments, really? How
about three?

Raising a hockey player is a tough job. Sometimes saying ‘no’ is a
tough card to play. Sometimes saying ‘yes’ isn’t even a card on the
table.

Three cheers for all the hockey moms – especially the ones who know their limits.

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