Pages

Monday, December 31, 2012

Congratulations to my Vikings, for making the playoffs by the skin of their teeth. Adrian Peterson, the greatest running back currently in the NFL, missed breaking the all time rushing record by 9 yards.

9 yards.

Still, he is only the 7th player ever to rush for over 2,000 yards, and he began the season only 8 months after a serious knee injury.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Seed, by Rob Ziegler, is a whirlwind of a tale. A grim, disturbing look at our potential future, it is filled with characters who confound the sensibilities when one attempts to determine who is good and who is evil.

Before I get into my review, let me go into how I discovered this book, which lies somewhat outside my normal reading habits.

At the end of October, 2011, I attended the World Fantasy Convention, in San Diego, California. It was my first (and so far only) ever writing and publishing conference, and I had the time of my life. I met Rob Ziegler, due to us having several friends in common, like Carolina Valdez Miller, and Simon Larter, among others, on Thursday of the convention, and didn't think much more of him than, "hey, here's a nice guy, who is clearly a writer, a publishing professional, or at least a fan."

Then, on Friday night, I attended the Night Shade Books party. Containing a bathtub full of beer brewed specifically for the night, which were based on books published by Night Shade, as well as a balcony mixologist, it was a blast of a shindig, and certainly left more room for breathing and plie-ing with Mercedes than the shoulder to shoulder Tor party downstairs. At the beginning of the Night Shade party, before it got too full, I discovered the dust jacket for the newest Night Shade release. It was Seed, by Rob Ziegler, and not only was the cover gorgeous, but it was blurbed by Paolo Bacigalupi, whose Ship Breaker I had enjoyed immensely earlier that year.

I didn't put the name to the face until someone re-introduced me to Rob, and I realized he was the guy I'd been hanging out with the day before.

So long story short, even though I don't often read adult Science Fiction (being a YA writer, I tend to read mostly books that are similar to the stories I write) I bought the book in the seller's pavilion the following day, but sadly never got around to getting it signed. I'll have to take care of that at some point.

So, now to my review.

This book is gritty, disturbing, and often even disgusting, in the most delicious kind of way. It takes place a couple hundred years in the future, after climate change and the collapse of society have left us at the mercy of the remnants of the bio-tech industry, known only as Satori. Part corporation, part bio-gargantuan monstrosity, Satori is a living city, a grotesque ala Tetsuo from the end of Akira, that produces the bio-engineered eponymous seed; the only crops that are hardy enough to survive in this twisted world. This entity, this character, this thing ... is the single key factor that sets this book apart from anything I have ever read. I don't want to go into too much detail, and give it all away, but this creature is so incredible, so disturbing, so raw, and so amazingly inventive, I was at once appalled, repulsed, and thrilled the moment I first discovered it on the page.

Of course, Satori, and her children, are not the only denizens of this novel. The rest of the characters may not be quite so daunting, but they are fascinating nonetheless. Brood, a migrant Latino refugee, his brother Pollo, and their adoptive father Hondo open the novel with plenty of excitement, but it's Agent Doss, and her so-called troops that carry the story through it's incredible climax.

The best thing, at least for me, about this book, is the moral ambiguity, and the disparate sense of tone. The sections that follow the protagonist, if you can call him that, are full of violence, evil, and the fatalistic finality of doing whatever it takes to survive. So the "good guy," like all of history's greatest characters, is so fully flawed and realistic that he feels nothing short of alive. By contrast, the sections that follow what can only be called the antagonist are filled with a tone of reverent grace, so much so that as a reader I could not help but feel a kind of kindred-ship for the plans of the being who ends up running Satori, for a time. He is only trying to protect the livelihood of his children, after all.

I know I'm being vague, and I don't want to say a whole lot more, but I would like to make one last point - possibly my favorite thing about this book is the ending. I was fully expecting to be left either furious or relieved by the two possible endings I foresaw, but I was pleasantly surprised to find a conclusion emerge that I never could have predicted.

This is Rob Ziegler's debut novel, so I'm looking forward to seeing more from him.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Hi everyone! As you may remember, a few weeks ago PETE the Elfhad a touch too much Eggnog at the Holiday Christmas Party and as he stumbled home, he lost Santa's NICE LIST.

The North Wind scattered the papers to all four corners of the world, and The Bookshelf Muse put out a call to help find them in order to SAVE CHRISTMAS.

Ever since I read about it, I've been on the lookout. And then today, EUREKA!

Yes that's right...I found part of Santa's missing NICE LIST. There it was, fluttering in the wind, half caught under the corner of my welcome mat. And shock of all shocks, I recognized the name, and I bet you will too.

Because poor Pete is dashing all over the place trying to hunt down the rest of Santa's missing Nice List, I decided to handle this one. Candace, I'm so proud to call you my friend! Enjoy the gift I sent to your inbox and have a wonderful Christmas! Booyah.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Four months have passed since Kira left home to join Julian’s Jacker Freedom Alliance, but the hole in her heart still whistles empty where her boyfriend Raf used to be. She fills it with weapons training, JFA patrols, and an obsessive hunt for FBI agent Kestrel, ignoring Julian’s worries about her safety and repeated attempts to recruit her for his revolutionary chat-casts. When anti-jacker politician Vellus surrounds Jackertown with the National Guard, Kira discovers there’s more to Julian’s concerns than she knew, but she’s forced to take on a mission that neither want and that might be her last: assassinating Senator Vellus before he can snuff out Julian’s revolution and the jackers she’s come to love.

“Quinn paints a picture of a not-too-distant America where politicians inflame the hatred of one section of the populace for another—all for their own gain—and you worry that her world is not so far off from our own.”

— Dianne Salerni, author of We Hear the Dead, The Caged Graves, and the forthcoming The Eighth Day

"Free Souls starts with a bang and doesn't let up. Like a mash-up of all your favorite science-fiction adventures from Star Wars to The Legend of Korra, it blends nonstop action, nail-biting escapes, and great romance. I absolutely loved it! A great series conclusion—a must-read."

— Leigh Talbert Moore, author of Rouge and The Truth About Faking

“Susan did it again. Free Souls was WOW! I expected Kira to step up to her role as heroine but not like this. Surprises kept coming until the very end which tied up more loose ends than I knew existed. Warning: Don't start reading until you have time to finish. I didn't want to put Free Souls down for a second. It's that kind of book.”

— Sher A. Hart, Goodreads Review

Interview

Susan's over at Amy Saunder's blog today (12.14.12), answering questions about how she came up with the mages' abilities, what kind of mage she would be, and all about her future works.

Want more Julian? Wondering how Sasha's ability really works? Looking for EXCLUSIVE DELETED SCENES from Free Souls? This collection of novellas, scenes, and other goodies is for those craving a bit more of the characters and drama of the Mindjack series.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

I'm paraphrasing, of course, but it's encouraging. And I now officially will not even look at another blog until I've seen the movie. So please don't tell me what you think until I've had a chance to see it.

If you read my query critiques, you know I suggest this housekeeping stuff should go at the end. But I've said it enough times, so I won't harp on it again here. I will briefly say that upper middle grade urban fantasy is not a genre I've ever encountered. Urban Fantasy tends to be dark, gritty, sexy, and violent, and while none of that says you can't write a MG novel set in a fantasy city setting, it does say it's not often done, and may be a somewhat tougher sell because of it.

What's a mortal-loving witch who was born to write do when it's time to pick a career? Not ask rhetorical questions in query letters, for one. For Saryn Q. Fiddlesticks, a 13-year-old preparing to select her Life's Mission, the writing's not on the wall. Wow. Great name. But that said, I'd like a better sense of character. Age and occupation do help, and they're certainly interesting here, but in order to sympathize with Saryn and her plight, we need to know more about what kind of person she is before her story begins. Saryn's options are to let The Academy of Witches and Wizards tell her what to do, go mortal so she can follow her passion, or there's a third option I'm no grammarian, but I believe this is an independent clause, but it's batty.... you only need three dots for an ellipsis. All she has to do is convince The Academy that their superstition against writing is unfounded, persuade them to change the law, and coax them into recognizing a new Life's Mission of Writer. So ... the execution may need a little work, but as far as your premise goes, I love it. Books about characters who want to write always seem to resonate, at least for me.

As if that task isn't impossible enough, Saryn is ambushed by Gaylord Culbreath, another great name. her half-brother's eccentric mentor, who plans to use her to destroy the world. As Saryn battles Culbreath, then the witching establishment at her Coming-of-Age Ceremony, she must decide how far she's willing to go to follow her dream. Vague. What are her options? Write a scathing letter to the editor? Surely she has some ability to fight back other than with the pen?

Future fans of Cynthia Hand's UnearthlyUnearthly series might enjoy this book. What? What's a future fan? Also, if you're going to make these comparisons, you don't put them in a one-sentence-paragraph on their own like this. That gives them far more weight than they deserve.

My credits include publication of two MG short story fantasies in the Center for Writing Excellence's Fiction in FiveFiction in Five anthologies. Published works are listed in italics, and sometimes, depending on the type of publisher, like if it's a magazine, the publisher goes in italics as well. I'm not sure about this center, so we'll wait to see what my readers say. I am an active member of SCBWI, and run a blog-- http://swaggerwriters.blogspot.com/ -- of six writers. Does your email client allow you to create hyperlinks in the body of an email? I would suggest that, rather than including the entire URL.

Thank you for taking the time to review (however many pages were requested.) I look forward to hearing from you.

Very truly yours,

Kim Van Sickler

So, in summary: if you dig down, you'll realize this query actually covers my three keys. Character (I would definitely like more of it, but it is there), Conflict (this is actually great, a witch who is not allowed to write, but won't stand for it), and Choice (this is completely vague, especially when it comes to how Nasty-Breath-Man is going to use her, but you do have the beginnings, so all you need to do is get more specific, and expand on this choice). That's an excellent start.Really, all you need to do is flesh out the things you already have. How does Culbreath instead to use Saryn? Why is she the only one who can help him achieve his goals? What does the rest of her school think of him, whether they know about his plans or not?You've got the makings of a great query already in place. The skeleton is there, you just need to expand it a little.

What's a mortal-loving witch who was born to write do when it's time to pick a career? For Saryn Q. Fiddlesticks, a 13-year-old preparing to select her Life's Mission, the writing's not on the wall. Saryn's options are to let The Academy of Witches and Wizards tell her what to do, go mortal so she can follow her passion, or there's a third option, but it's batty.... All she has to do is convince The Academy that their superstition against writing is unfounded, persuade them to change the law, and coax them into recognizing a new Life's Mission of Writer.

As if that task isn't impossible enough, Saryn is ambushed by Gaylord Culbreath, her half-brother's eccentric mentor, who plans to use her to destroy the world. As Saryn battles Culbreath, then the witching establishment at her Coming-of-Age Ceremony, she must decide how far she's willing to go to follow her dream.

Future fans of Cynthia Hand's Unearthly series might enjoy this book.

My credits include publication of two MG short story fantasies in the Center for Writing Excellence's Fiction in Five anthologies. I am an active member of SCBWI, and run a blog-- http://swaggerwriters.blogspot.com/ -- of six writers.

Thank you for taking the time to review (however many pages were requested.) I look forward to hearing from you.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Welly well, it's December now, all of a sudden, so it's time to talk about the biggest film of the year.

I remember when Fellowship of the Ring first came out, and I was so nervous. On the one hand, I was very excited to see my favorite story of all time turned into a live action film, but on the other, I was very apprehensive, concerned they would ruin it. They didn't. It's not perfect, but the Peter Jackson adaption of the trilogy is probably the greatest adaptation ever done.

Now I'm nervous and curious to see what they do with The Hobbit.

As you all know, they've decided to turn this one into a trilogy as well. That's going to be difficult. With LOTR, it was easy to keep it to three films: there were three books, there was plenty of material, and while they had to make long films, and cut only some important things like Tom Bombadil, the Barrow-Wights, Sharkie, Glorfindel, Aragorn's cousins, and so on, it all worked within the medium. At least it did for me.

So anyway, today I'd like to discuss what the good folks at Wingnut will be doing with the story from The Hobbit, and how they'll be expanding it into three films, including what they might cut, what they might expand on, and where the first movie will end.

First, let's cover the obvious: the one big thing that is mentioned in the book (and hinted at in other Middle Earth volumes), but never actually fully covered, is what the heck Gandalf is off doing while Bilbo and the Dwarves are traversing Mirkwood. Well, anyone who knows their Tolkien (like Ted or Deniz) can tell you that Gandalf was off evicting the "necromancer" from Dol Guldur, for the White Council. I don't know how they could fit this into the new trilogy of films, but I'd be interested to see it if they do.

Other than that, I can't think of any major plot elements that are known to fans, but not really covered in the book. From looking at the cast list and other info at IMDB, we can guess at some other things. I had originally heard that the fabulous Benedict Cumberbatch, of Sherlock fame, would be playing the voice of Smaug, but now it seems he's playing the Necromancer, so I think we can safely assume this first film will not take us all the way to the lonely mountain. I mean, it makes sense, right? If the first movie goes all the way to the end of the book, what the heck do you put in the next two films?

Also, we can see that there is no Legolas, no Aragorn, and no Arwen, but there is a Radagast the Brown, who I have always wanted to hear more about, so we shall see where that takes us.

So, I will predict that this first film ends before they even enter Mirkwood. Perhaps around the time they meet Beorn (if they don't skip that whole bit), but certainly after they escape the goblins and Bilbo tricks the ring away from Gollum. If they cover some of the side story, and follow Gandalf when he's gone, I could easily see that being enough content to make an entire film.

It seems to me the second movie would then cover Mirkwood, Lake-Town, the lonely mountain, and probably fit in with the ending of the book, The Battle of the Five Armies.

Then, perhaps the third film will be about the journey home.

Obviously I could be wildly out of touch with all of this, but it sure is fun to think about. What do you predict we'll get to see in these movies? What are you most looking forward to finding out?

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I'd really appreciate it if you all would check the post out, because it was a tough one to write - perhaps somewhat controversial, but hopefully eyeopening for all. I've left comments open here, but you should leave one over there if you have something to say.

Monday, November 26, 2012

I just had nine days off in a row. And the best part? I only had to use 3 vacation days to make it happen. It was a blissful break, and one much needed and well earned. I ate a lot of great food, rested hard, rocked the family time, and got a decent amount of writing done.

The problem is that this morning I arrived at the office to find 1500 emails waiting for me (that is not an exaggeration). Funny thing is, I'm actually glad to get back into the swing of things.

Friday, November 16, 2012

It's here! The brainchild of Andrew Leon, like any blogfest, it's not going far without the power (and the linky list account) of Alex J. Cavanaugh, Ninja Captain of the good ship Blogosphere. The third co-host, Matthew MacNish, was brought in for his good looks and great taste. Wait. That sounded wrong.

Anyway ...

The bloggers we really miss…
and the ones we would really miss!

Do you have a couple blogger buddies who aren’t posting as often? Those who’ve pulled back and seem absent from the blogging world? Do you have blogger buddies you are grateful they are still around and would miss if they vanished? Now is your chance to show your appreciation and spotlight them!
List one to three bloggers you really miss and one to three bloggers you would miss if they stopped blogging. Then go leave a comment on those blogs.
Our blogger friends are special – time to let them know!

The bloggers I miss:

Candace Ganger, AKA Candyland Gang, AKA Bethany, AKA The Jaded Wonder. Candace is one of my dearest friends, which is awesome, considering we've never met. She does still blog occasionally, but when I first started out, she was blogging every day, and every single post was a gut-splitting wealth of inspiration, tears, laughter and awkward hugs. I miss your posts almost as much as I miss you, Beth.

Kaye Em Evans. I still keep up with Kaye on Facebook, so it's all good, but I do miss her blog posts. She was another of the first blogs I ever started reading, and her posts were always fun and insightful.

The World in Miniature. This one is kind of cheating, because Bryan actually still blogs, and his cartoons are hilarious, but I really miss the flash fiction feature he used to do, and while I know his career has taken off in the last couple years, and he probably has very little time for blogging, I would love to see more flash fiction on his blog again. I guess I better write some.The bloggers I would miss:

Katie Mills AKA Creepy Query Girl. Katie is one of my favorite bloggers. I feel like we've been through the trenches together. We both started out around the same time, and became friends quickly, but then we've both been through our share of rejections. Katie is a fighter though, and a talented writer, so as long as she doesn't give up, I know I never will.

Adam Heine. Adam is the Mastermind of Nerd-dom. I know of no better chart-maker, and sometimes it seems like Adam and I may have been separated at birth. I mean how could someone I've never met, who lives on the opposite side of the world, love exactly all the same things I love, and with the same passion? It doesn't seem possible.

Susan Quinn. Susan is the smartest lady I know. Literally. She's a rocket scientist, and she's the most successful self-publishing entrepreneur I know. Her posts on publishing, and craft, are particularly well thought out, researched, and presented. I don't know what I'd do without Susan.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Wow. Thanks to everything falling apart for our UK client this morning, I'm just getting to this at 8:30. Sorry.

So here's Jessica's query again, this time with my feedback, in blue.

The letter:

Dear [awesomesauce agent]:

Falling in love is the worst thing sixteen-year-old mage Kadren could do. He is imprisoned by a vile king determined to harness his fire magic. Escape should be the only thing on his mind, but within days of his capture, the voice of Brelina, a water mage and fellow prisoner, fills his head. They’ve Bonded—forever linked by? in? mind and soul, their every thought, every emotion, every experience entwined.

Hmm. Your opening has several good things going for it. For one: mages. For another: elemental magic. These are both cool things, but they've also been done. Furthermore, the bonding is a pretty good hook, but before you get to the hook, you should start with character. We know Kadren is a mage, which is cool, and tells us a bit about him, and we know his element is fire, from which we can infer a few things, but what kind of person is he? What is his character before his story starts?

Brelina is as delicate and innocent as a wisp of smoke, with a stubborn streak that drives him mad. Born a slave, she doesn’t know any different life. She worships the king and believes he has every right to order the mages beaten or killed, but Kadren cannot suppress his fascination for her.

This is a good bit of backstory, that also clues us into the world, but you might not need so many words to say this. The only important points here are that Brelina is a slave, and she worships the king. Try to be more succinct. Maybe you can include those points when you first introduce her.

She refuses to leave the safety of her captivity, and even though Kadren can command fires with whispers, he can do nothing to change her mind. Only an idiot would remain a slave for a girl, so Kadren escapes without her.

His plans slam to a gut-twisting halt when the king rapes Brelina. Whoa. Okay. That's pretty powerful. Tortured with guilt for not being there to protect her, Kadren races back to save her and swears to kill the king for what he has done. But there’s one problem: the king has a secret that makes him impossible to kill.

Maybe end with a sadistic choice. Kadren must decide whether to sacrifice his life needlessly, or allow the king to continue in his abuses. Or, you know, something better.

Kadren and Brelina are trapped and his assassination attempt only succeeds in enraging the king. Once again, Brelina is endangered by Kadren’s rash actions. If he cannot figure out the king’s secret, the threat to her will only increase. Being Bonded to him may very well be the death of her.

I don't think you need this last bit at all. You've already hooked us at this point.

BONDED working titles are great in queries, and this is a good one, but just be aware that a book with this title wasjust published. is a YA Fantasy complete at 74,000 words. It will appeal to fans of character-driven fantasies such as Kristin Cashore’s GRACELINGGraceling (working titles of unpublished works go in ALL CAPS, but published works are in italics) and has a magic system that will be sure to please fans of Brandon Sanderson’s MISTBORNMistborn series. It is a standalone novel with series potential.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Jessica Foster

Okay. In summary, this one is tough. You hit all the points: Character, Hook, Conflict, Stakes, and even though your Choice is only implied, it's there. And yet, it feels like something is missing. Or maybe it's just that's too much here.

Try to focus on the three most important elements: Character, Conflict, Choice.

Who is Kadren? Well, he's a fire mage, and he's probably a pretty nice guy, but we need to know more about who he is, what kind of person, before we can sympathize with him, and care whether he overcomes his plight.

What is the conflict he must overcome? Well, the main thing is rescuing his lover, Brelina. Obviously the stakes are raised by the bonding, the rape, and her opinion of slavery, and those are important points, but the main conflict is the rescue, or the lack thereof.

What is his sadistic choice? Well, this one is hard. If the king is immortal, he can't simply kill him and save the girl. But he can't let her continue to be mistreated, either. He could sacrifice himself needlessly by trying to kill the king anyway, but I have a feeling he doesn't do that.

This query is already in pretty decent shape. You've got all the elements you need; I think you just need to re-work it a little, so it packs more punch, and is a bit more focused.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Today we have Jessica Foster's query for her YA Fantasy, BONDED. You can find, and follow, Jessica at her blog.

Back? Here's the query:

Dear [awesomesauce agent]:

Falling in love is the worst thing sixteen-year-old mage Kadren could do. He is imprisoned by a vile king determined to harness his fire magic. Escape should be the only thing on his mind, but within days of his capture, the voice of Brelina, a water mage and fellow prisoner, fills his head. They’ve Bonded—forever linked mind and soul, their every thought, every emotion, every experience entwined.

Brelina is as delicate and innocent as a wisp of smoke, with a stubborn streak that drives him mad. Born a slave, she doesn’t know any different life. She worships the king and believes he has every right to order the mages beaten or killed, but Kadren cannot suppress his fascination for her.

She refuses to leave the safety of her captivity, and even though Kadren can command fires with whispers, he can do nothing to change her mind. Only an idiot would remain a slave for a girl, so Kadren escapes without her.

His plans slam to a gut-twisting halt when the king rapes Brelina. Tortured with guilt for not being there to protect her, Kadren races back to save her and swears to kill the king for what he has done. But there’s one problem: the king has a secret that makes him impossible to kill.

Kadren and Brelina are trapped and his assassination attempt only succeeds in enraging the king. Once again, Brelina is endangered by Kadren’s rash actions. If he cannot figure out the king’s secret, the threat to her will only increase. Being Bonded to him may very well be the death of her.

BONDED is a YA Fantasy complete at 74,000 words. It will appeal to fans of character-driven fantasies such as Kristin Cashore’s GRACELING and has a magic system that will be sure to please fans of Brandon Sanderson’s MISTBORN series. It is a standalone novel with series potential.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Jessica Foster

That's it!

Please thank Jessica for sharing her query with us, but save your feedback for tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Have you been told there's a little too much telling in your novel? Want to remedy it? Then this is the book for you!

In Show & Tell in a Nutshell: Demonstrated Transitions from Telling to Showing you will find sixteen real scenes depicting a variety of situations, emotions, and characteristics which clearly demonstrate how to turn telling into showing. Dispersed throughout, and at the back of the book, are blank pages to take notes as you read. A few short writing prompts are also provided.

Not only is this pocket guide an excellent learning tool for aspiring writers, but it is a light, convenient, and easy solution to honing your craft no matter how broad your writing experience. Keep it in the side pocket of your school bag, throw it in your purse, or even carry it around in the pocket of your jeans or jacket, to enhance your skills, keep notes, and jot down story ideas, anywhere, anytime.

If you purchase the e-book, you will be armed with the convenient hyper-linked Contents Page, where you can toggle backward and forward from different scenes with ease. Use your e-reader's highlighting and note-taking tools to keep notes instead.

The author, Jessica Bell, also welcomes questions via email, concerning the content of this book, or about showing vs. telling in general, at showandtellinanutshell@gmail.com

Reviews:

“Jessica Bell addresses one of the most common yet elusive pieces of writing advice—show, don't tell—in a uniquely user-friendly and effective way: by example. By studying the sixteen scenes she converts from “telling” into “showing,” not only will you clearly understand the difference; you will be inspired by her vivid imagery and dialogue to pour through your drafts and do the same.” ~Jenny Baranick, College English Teacher, Author of Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares

“A practical, no-nonsense resource that will help new and experienced writers alike deal with that dreaded piece of advice: show, don’t tell. I wish Bell’s book had been around when I started writing!” ~Talli Roland, bestselling author

The Australian-native contemporary fiction author and poet, Jessica Bell, also makes a living as an editor and writer for global ELT publishers (English Language Teaching), such as Pearson Education, HarperCollins, Macmillan Education, Education First and Cengage Learning.

Monday, November 12, 2012

We only have 80 signed up! And we all know no blogfest is a proper blogfest without at least a hundred bloggers taking part. Right?

Right?

There is, actually, of course, no such unwritten rule, but it would be cool to have a hundred, don't you think?

I do. So here's your reminder:

Do you have a couple blogger buddies who aren’t posting as often? Those who’ve pulled back and seem absent from the blogging world? Do you have blogger buddies you are grateful they are still around and would miss if they vanished? Now is your chance to show your appreciation and spotlight them!

On November 16, list one to three bloggers you really miss and one to three bloggers you would miss if they stopped blogging. Then go leave a comment on those blogs.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Wow. It's Friday, but this damn phone still won't stop ringing. I'll try to get this up as soon as I can.

Anyway, here is Marcy's query again, this time with my feedback, in blue.
The letter:

Dear Agent:

The last thing 17-year(-)old Kassandra Dyer I immediately think of Mara Dyer when I read this name. remembers is falling. Hmm. On the one hand, this opening is intriguing, because it's mysterious, but on the other, it's vague. Who is Kass? Where did she fall from? How far was the drop? Mystery is great, but it doesn't really have a place in most queries. The one thing I will always insist on when I critique queries, is Character. Sure, I've seen great queries that break that rule and work, but the best thing to hook a reader into any story, even one barely summarized in a query letter, is to give them a person to care about. Who was Kass before this story started, and why should we care whether she overcomes whatever is thrown at her? When she wakes up in the dark it’s hours later and somehow she has miraculously survived a fall that should’ve killed her. Stranger still is the fact that no one is looking for her. After all, she’s a missing teen. There should be helicopters and flood lights sweeping the desert. Towers Mountain should be crawling with searchers. The rest of this paragraph? Pretty effing awesome. The strange circumstance you've thrown this character into is an excellent hook. Who wouldn't want to find out what the hell happened here?

Kass knows something is terribly wrong, but it isn’t until she reaches the closest town that the diary in her backpack and a newspaper in a diner reveal the truth: The unsolved disappearance of Kassandra Dyer was a big event – em-dashes--don't use them in queries if you can possibly avoid it--one of the most noteworthy events the town of Cave Creek, Arizona has ever seen. But it happened ten years ago – and for Kass, dressed in the same clothes she wore on the day she fell, no time has passed at all. The rest of this is all pretty good too, but I would maybe consider adding the part about it being ten years, to the part about her disappearance being in the newspaper. I assume the article is there that day because it's the tenth anniversary? If so, just be specific and say that. It actually would get the point across much quicker, which is always great in queries.

Now Kass has to figure out what happened; how she fell, where she went and what it will take to get back home – if she can. If she even wants to.

The good news is she’s got somebody on her side. I'm so undecided about this. This being YA, I'm assuming this is a boy her age, so in one sense I want to know a teeny bit about him, like maybe his name, and if he is, in fact, a boy her age. That said, this query is working pretty damn well with all the mystery you've got going, so I really can't decide. The bad news is she’s got someone else on her tail, someone who wants her story and will do whatever it takes to get it. Same goes for the bad guy, but I'm actually more okay with him being a mystery than the friend.

THE UNSOLVED CASE OF KASSANDRA DYER, a crossover YA YA is usually followed by a genre. I get that this is crossover, but as some were curious about yesterday, a crossover between what and what? Mystery and Romance? Sci-Fi and Fantasy? Magical Realism is great, but it's kind of a genre and it kind of isn't. with elements of Magic Realism, is complete at 70,000 words. I have pasted the first x pages per your requirements.

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely,

Marcy Hatch

Man. This one is hard. One the one hand, it suffers from what I always call most query's biggest problem: vagueness, but on the other: it kind of works, because in spite of the fact that the query kind of lacks what I would normally want to see, it still entices me to want to read the pages. I'm really on the fence about what to tell you to do here.

I think if your pages are good, then this query is going to work fine for agents who allow you to include them in the body of your email letter.

The problem is those agents who don't allow pages in the body. I mean sure, this query is still good enough, and mysterious enough, that some of them will probably ask for partials, because let's face it, this is pretty good. But you don't want pretty good, you want really good. So let's see if we can take this good query, and make it great.

First, I would change your opening sentence. Kass is 17, which is upper YA, so she's going to have a pretty well defined personality long before she falls through this magical realism wormhole, so give some insight into what kind of person she is. Even one or two adjectives can go a long way. Second, decide whether you want to name or describe anyone else. If the friend is a boy with potential for romance, which would be common for YA, then I think you should consider naming and describing him, but I also don't think you absolutely have to. I can see it working either way.Thirdly, I would try to reword the second paragraph. It's a little clunky, a little wordy, and could be tightened up for clarity.Finally, a word about em-dashes. I love em-dashes, I used them all the time in novels. But they don't work very well in query letters. If this was the 90s, and we were still printing and snail mailing our queries in, you'd be fine, but email clients can do funny things to advanced formatting like em-dashes. Try emailing a rich text email from gmail to your work, or from your work to yahoo, and you'll see what I mean.Now, if you must have em-dashes, do them right. There are no spaces on either side of an em-dash. If you want to represent an em-dash with simple formatting, use a double hyphen, like--this. The double hyphen method is how I would suggest formatting an em-dash in a query, if you can't figure out a way to skip them. But, if you don't want that ugly character in your letter, make sure you use a real em-dash (CTRL+ALT+Minus on the 10-key), not a space--hyphen--space. In MS Word, it looks like this:

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Brrr! The one and only nice thing about rising before the break of dawn is getting a good look at the night sky while I take my dog out to pee. The moon was about a quarter-nail this morning, and still hung low in the east, but the stars were bright, and shone like frost in the firmament.

Or maybe it was just the ice on my windshield.

Ahem. Now, we have a query from one of my favorite bloggers. If you don't know Marcy, you're definitely missing out. Her and Dianne's first impressions are some of my very favorite posts. You can find Marcy's blog at Mainewords.

Here's her query:

Dear Agent:

The last thing 17-year old Kassandra Dyer remembers is falling. When she wakes up in the dark it’s hours later and somehow she has miraculously survived a fall that should’ve killed her. Stranger still is the fact that no one is looking for her. After all, she’s a missing teen. There should be helicopters and flood lights sweeping the desert. Towers Mountain should be crawling with searchers.

Kass knows something is terribly wrong, but it isn’t until she reaches the closest town that the diary in her backpack and a newspaper in a diner reveal the truth: The unsolved disappearance of Kassandra Dyer was a big event – one of the most noteworthy events the town of Cave Creek, Arizona has ever seen. But it happened ten years ago – and for Kass, dressed in the same clothes she wore on the day she fell, no time has passed at all.

Now Kass has to figure out what happened; how she fell, where she went and what it will take to get back home – if she can. If she even wants to.

The good news is she’s got somebody on her side. The bad news is she’s got someone else on her tail, someone who wants her story and will do whatever it takes to get it.

THE UNSOLVED CASE OF KASSANDRA DYER, a crossover YA with elements of Magic Realism, is complete at 70,000 words. I have pasted the first x pages per your requirements.

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely,

Marcy Hatch

That's it.

Please save your feedback for tomorrow, and thank Marcy for sharing her query with us!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I was inspired by my good friend Adam's post yesterday, to take stock of my writing, so that I can feel good about what I have accomplished, and stop worrying about what I haven't (yet). Go read his post, first, because Adam is awesome, and you should never miss out on his blog.

Now, here are where things stand for me:

WARRIOR-MONKS: A YA Rural Fantasy, the query for which you've probably read. The first manuscript I ever finished, the one that taught me how to actually write (novels) and took up nearly four years of my life with joy, pain, elation, and enlightenment. This book is essentially shelved. It does still have a full out with one agent, and there are a few queries un-replied to, but I'm ready to move on.

RUNNING FROM RUBY RIDGE: A YA Contemporary Thriller. The draft is 95% done, and then it will be on to revision. I don't want to give too much away, so I'll just say that writing your second manuscript is so much easier than your first. Sure, it will be like 8-9 months by the time I'm done with this one, but that sure beats years. After a round or two of revisions, it will be off to critique partners.

SECRET PROJECT: A MG project of undisclosed genre. I can't talk about this one yet, but I've been brainstorming it for a while now, and I have over 10,000 words of outlines, character sheets, plot notes, and other sundry details. Hopefully when this is done and sold, it will finally justify my membership at the group blog: Project Middle Grade Mayhem.

SUPERBAD KICKASS (not the actual working title): A YA Non-Super-Hero Comedy. This is just an idea, really. I have some character sketches, but they're still quite thin and loose. I don't even know what's supposed to happen in the story yet. This is something I plan on collaborating on with one of my favorite people in the world. She knows who she is.

In addition to all these novel-length manuscripts (or dreams of manuscripts), I have a bunch of short fiction that is published in various venues. Most of you have probably already read it (and one story needs to be re-published, because it got taken down), but I'll give you a brief summary here, in case any of today's visitors are new readers:

Other than all that stuff, if you simply can't get enough of me (yeah right) there are several links to interviews, guest posts, and other non-fiction stuff on my Creative Writing Page.

Now, this post has certainly gone on long enough, don't you think? In the spirit of disclosure, why don't you share about a project of yours in the comments? If you're not ready, you can certainly ask me about any of mine.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Morning, QQQE Massive. Sorry I'm so late getting this up, but I had to drop the kidlets off at school this morning, and then I had to take the Honda home, and pick up the Ford, because the Honda's radiator was smoking.

Ahem. Anyway, here is Liza's query again, this time with my feedback, in blue.

The letter:

Dear Agent,

Fourteen-year-old Melanie Foss is sick of family secrets. Normally, I would say I like this, but when I glance down at your housekeeping paragraph, I worry that this opening sentence is going to make agents think upper MG or lower YA.

Her single mother Bethany refuses to discuss her past other than to admit she was voted Honeydew Queen in Virginia in 1974, but skipped town as soon as she received the crown. This is interesting, and I like the idea of this character's backstory, but I'm concerned that some agents would stop reading at this point. You only have a few lines to grab their attention, and so far, we don't know who your story is actually about, or why we should root for them. I'll say more about queries for books with multiple POVs, in a minute.

When Melanie’s eighth grade social studies teacher assigns a genealogy project worth half her grade, she makes up her family story, a project that creates a crack in the wall her mother has built around her former life. Melanie discovers more when Bethany, diagnosed with a serious illness, enlists the aid of Harrison, a grandfather Melanie has never met. With his support, mother and daughter relocate to Bethany’s hometown; Wait, what? I thought this was going to be a story about the genealogy project, and how it unearthed skeletons from the family closet? If they move away, why would she even continue with the assignment? And conversely, why would they move in the first place? Surely it can't be only to research this project? I'm sure this plot element makes sense in the book, but in the query, you've got very little room to convey the story, so you've got to make absolutely certain everything progresses logically from one point to the next. keeping their presence hidden from Old Meredith, Bethany’s controlling mother, until an accident brings them together and circumstances force a reluctant Bethany to agree to move back to her childhood home. As far as content goes, I really like all the elements here. Family drama, and family secrets, and hiding from family is all intriguing, entertaining stuff, but the execution here continues to follow the problems of this query. There are a lot of characters, and a lot of twists, but we still don't know whose story it is, or what the actual main conflict is going to be.

There, Melanie stumbles upon a clue leading her to initiate a clandestine introduction to the man she assumes is her father. Their disastrous meeting triggers the revelation of a heartbreaking mystery What mystery? You can be specific and just tell us. That's fine in a query. surrounding Bethany’s long ago flight, a tale that alienates Melanie from her mother. Why? Again, be specific. Vagueness is your number one enemy in a query. A shocking loss Vague compounds the teen’s resentment until Old Meredith realizes history has repeated itself. To keep the relationship between her daughter and granddaughter intact, she must decide whether to share the reason behind her own demanding behavior, which she employs to hide a crushing tragedy of her own. Okay, I like the sense I get of the stakes building to high levels, but the problem here is that we're left wondering what actually happens, what the secrets are, and how any of it justifies such a dysfunctional family.

HONEYDEW EVER AFTER (93,000 words), a work of women’s fiction, is written in three points of view, alternating between Melanie, Bethany and Old Meredith. Okay, let me talk about multiple POVs, and how to tackle them in a query. Basically: don't. I mean it's fine that you mention it here, it your housekeeping stats and details, and I certainly think that story format fits for the tale you appear to be telling, but writing the meat of the query in such a way that it tries to focus on more than one character rarely works.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm sure it's been done, and done well, but I've never read a query that worked better focusing on multiple characters than it could have been by focusing on one. Try to consider who the main main character is. Is it Melanie? Is it Bethany? It certainly doesn't seem to be old Meredith.

The point is, the best queries open with a character, and characterize that character in such a way that the reader immediately sympathizes with them, and cares about whether they achieve their goals in overcoming whatever conflict they're thrown into.

I am a freelance writer and have been published in Boston Globe MagazineBoston Globe Magazine, Adoptive Families MagazineAdoptive Families Magazine, South Shore Living Magazine, SouthShoreLiving.com and WritersDigest.com. I'm not going to edit every one of these publications, but the point is published works, and the titles of the publications they've appeared in, go in italics in query letters. In addition, I authored a monthly column for a local publication, the Cohasset Mariner. HONEYDEW EVER AFTER is my first novel. There's no need to mention this. If you don't bring up other novels, it's assumed this is your first, but there's no need to bring it up.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Liza Salerno

So, in summary, my biggest problem with this query is its lack of focus on a character. I would argue that this query would work best if it focused on Melanie, and her investigations into her family's past. Introduce us to her right away, show us what kind of person she is before the story starts, and make us care about her.

When it comes to plot, and conflict, you've got a lot of cool elements, and I think it's clear there is a great story underneath this query, but it's hard to tell what actually happens. You don't necessarily want to give away all your twists, or the ending, but otherwise you should be as specific and as open in a query as possible. Give us the details, so we know exactly why this family fell apart the way it did, and so that we can understand why it's so hard for them to face the truth.

That's it.

This was a tough one. I think this sounds like an awesome book (reminds me a bit of The Lace Reader, by Brunonia Berry, without the witchcraft), but the query does need a little work.

What do you all think? Have you ever read a query that focused on two POV characters, and made it work in a couple hundred words? Do you disagree with any of my points?

Thursday, November 1, 2012

It's been a while, hasn't it? Well, never fear, I've got another query for you today, dear readers. Here is Liza Salerno, from Middle Passages' letter. Please be sure to go follow her blog.

The query:

Dear Agent,

Fourteen-year-old Melanie Foss is sick of family secrets.

Her single mother Bethany refuses to discuss her past other than to admit she was voted Honeydew Queen in Virginia in 1974, but skipped town as soon as she received the crown.
When Melanie’s eighth grade social studies teacher assigns a genealogy project worth half her grade, she makes up her family story, a project that creates a crack in the wall her mother has built around her former life. Melanie discovers more when Bethany, diagnosed with a serious illness, enlists the aid of Harrison, a grandfather Melanie has never met. With his support, mother and daughter relocate to Bethany’s hometown; keeping their presence hidden from Old Meredith, Bethany’s controlling mother, until an accident brings them together and circumstances force a reluctant Bethany to agree to move back to her childhood home.

There, Melanie stumbles upon a clue leading her to initiate a clandestine introduction to the man she assumes is her father. Their disastrous meeting triggers the revelation of a heartbreaking mystery surrounding Bethany’s long ago flight, a tale that alienates Melanie from her mother. A shocking loss compounds the teen’s resentment until Old Meredith realizes history has repeated itself. To keep the relationship between her daughter and granddaughter intact, she must decide whether to share the reason behind her own demanding behavior, which she employs to hide a crushing tragedy of her own.

HONEYDEW EVER AFTER (93,000 words), a work of women’s fiction, is written in three points of view, alternating between Melanie, Bethany and Old Meredith.

I am a freelance writer and have been published in Boston Globe Magazine, Adoptive Families Magazine, South Shore Living Magazine,SouthShoreLiving.com and WritersDigest.com. In addition, I authored a monthly column for a local publication, the Cohasset Mariner.HONEYDEW EVER AFTER is my first novel.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Liza Salerno

That's it.

Please save your feedback for tomorrow, and thank Liza for having the courage to share her query with us!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

First and foremost, I want to thank the universe that all my loved ones (and internet literary friend types) on the eastern seaboard are safe. Not everyone made it, and even for those who did survive, there is still plenty of struggle ahead. You are in our thoughts and meditations.

Now, to today's blog post, can you tell what that it up there? It's an Origami Yoda! I don't know whether it relates to the book, but I don't really care, I think it's awesome.

It was a gift from my friend Chris Flemish. Chris just recently released his debut work of fiction. The Devil's Whorehouse lies short of novella but long of short story, and is a work of horror. I had the honor to critique this tale before it went to Chris' editor, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

However, it was an interesting experience, as these things often are, because I really didn't know Chris, and moreover, because English is not his native language. Chris and I met on Facebook, because we are both friends and fans of Andrew Smith, and after a while we got to talking, and he asked if I would read his story. It sounded intriguing, so I agreed.

It needed some work, but the underlying plot was awesome. Chris hadn't really asked for a critique, so I was nervous about giving him one (we all know how these things can go), but when I did, he took it very well, and thanked me.

In fact, I think this Yoda he sent me is is thanks for the feedback I gave him. Or maybe it's just for the friendship, either way, congrats on your release, Chris!

Disney buys Lucasfilm

In goofier news, Disney has purchased Lucasfilm for some 4 plus Billion (with a B) dollars. Does that photo not make your inner child as sad as it does mine? It seems to make George sad too (look at his face).

There's been plenty of discussion on the internet about this, most opinions leaning toward thinking it's a good thing, and I'm not here to disagree with them, but I do want to talk about Star Wars, sadness, and leaving well enough alone.

I was born in 1977. I was 5 years old when The Empire Strikes back was released, and I have been a dyed-in-the-wool Star Wars fan and geek ever since. My eldest daughter was three years old when I took her to the premiere of Episode I in 1999. I was disappointed, of course, but she loved it, and we slogged our way through the poorly written, terribly performed remainder of the trilogy without shedding too many tears.

Looking back today, and being a bit of a creative person myself, I have to wonder: when should we just leave well enough alone? J.K. Rowling seems to know how to do it. Yes there were 8 movies, and there are toys and video games, and there are heaps of money, but none of it has tainted Harry Potter for my children (or me). But Lucas never seemed to be able to let go of Star Wars.

I'm not saying I blame him, I don't. Had I been in his position, I probably wouldn't have been able to let it go either. And I'm not even sure I would have completely wanted him to. After all, where would die-hard Star Wars fans be without properties like Knights of the Old Republic, The Force Unleashed, and Fanboys?

Would I trade those games and films for an alternate history where the prequel trilogy was never made? I don't know. Maybe. What about one where the prequel trilogy was done right? I'm not sure, but probably.

Monday, October 29, 2012

When I stepped outside today, long before the dawn, there was a chill in the air, sharp against the ears, that carried a certain tang to the tip of the tongue. My dog's ears tracked leaves blowing in the street like radar dishes, panning this way and that.

The sky was a river, clouds blowing across the morning moon as they rode atop the currents of the heavens. Orion stood high and proud, further over my left shoulder than he does during the warmer months. His belt shone through the swirling mists, a stoic line demarcating autumn's grip upon the world.

I looked across the street, where tiny ghosts hung from the trees like so many legless horse-thieves dangling from the gallows. They danced in the chill wind. Beside them, skeletons clawed their way out of earthen graves, their animation suspended as if the cold had taken hold of their old bones, and locked them into permanent suffering, halfway buried, halfway free.

I turned to the house next to me, and smiled at the web of the giant spider that had enveloped it, wondering how anyone could get through such a thing without an enchanted elvish blade to hack free of the fibrous netting. Then I looked at my dog, shook my head at her reluctance, and brought her back inside the house.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Thanks for having me over, Matthew!My host asked me to write about organized crime in fiction and why I chose members of the Russian Mafia as my antagonists.

We’re all familiar with the Mafia, but although the Italians are the most well-known, they don’t hold a monopoly on organized crime.There’s the Yakuza of Japan, The Triads of China, and the Cartels of Mexico and South America.Lesser known are the Jamaican Yardies in Britain, as well as the Albanian, Serbian, and Israeli Mafias.

Second in size and influence to the Italian Mafia in the US is the Russian Mafia (Mafiya).Though they’re less prevalent in pop culture, they’ve made appearances in movies such as Eastern Promises, Boondock Saints, and Training Day.And while there are plenty of non-fiction books on the Russian Mafia, there are very few novels…until mine.

I drew on this particular group because of my own experience.They’re the only bad guys I’ve ever met personally.I was inadvertently privy to information they were interested in, info that could have endangered the wellbeing of a friend.I chose to withhold that info and was threatened as a result.It was only natural for them to become the antagonists in my book.

So when I set The Mistaken in my old hometown of San Francisco, I drew on that frightening experience.Just like in real life, my Russians, the Solntsevskaya Bratva (brotherhood), deal in human trafficking and offer my protagonist—who seeks revenge against the woman who killed his pregnant wife—a deal.

In exchange for this woman, the Russians agree to finally let his brother leave the business for good, with his debt wiped clean and his heart still beating.It’s a deal he can’t refuse, that is until he kidnaps the wrong woman.Now he must protect this innocent woman from the very enemy he’s unleashed.But the Russians are holding his brother as leverage to force him to complete their deal.Somehow he must find a way to save himself, his brother, and the woman, but with the Russian Mafia, even two out of three makes for very long odds.

Have you ever had to deal with any bad guys in your real life?If so, have they ever found a way into your writing? (If you want to learn more about my personal experience with the Russians, tune into Lisa Regan’s blog on Tuesday, 10/30 for the full story.)

Visit Nancy’s blog, follow, and leave a comment during her book tour for a chance to win an ARC of The Mistaken.Plus, 5 runner-up winners will each receive an ebook.

“A deliciously slow burn that builds to a ferocious crescendo, Nancy S. Thompson's THE MISTAKEN kept me riveted until the very last page. Tyler Karras is a complex and flawed protagonist, and his redemptive journey makes him the perfect anti-hero. This psychological suspense is a standout, and I can't wait for Thompson's next book.”

~ Jennifer Hillier, author of CREEP and FREAK

“Nancy S. Thompson's debut novel, The Mistaken, is a first-rate thriller full of hair-raising twists and turns. Pursued by the police and the Russian mafia in San Francisco, brothers Tyler and Nick Karras are fascinating, fully-drawn, desperate characters. The action is non-stop. Thompson's taut, intriguing tale of revenge, mistaken identity, kidnapping and murder will keep you enthralled and entertained.”

~Kevin O’Brien, New York Times Bestselling Author of DISTURBED and TERRIFIED

“Fast-paced and emotionally gripping - once the ride begins, you won't stop reading until it ends."~Alex J. Cavanaugh, author of CASSAFIRE and CASSASTAR

The QQQE Massive.

Who Am I?

I'm the father of two beautiful young ladies, three lazy cats and one adorable German Shepherd. Together we live in the mountains of north Georgia amid my endless collection of vinyl records.
I run this blog in an attempt to help other novice writers avoid the mistakes I made in the beginning of my road to publication. Believe me, I made many.