Blake’s shotgun wedding?

Page Six had an item this morning speculating about Blake Lively being pregnant. Apparently she’s eating more on the set of Gossip Girl and now everyone’s watching for a bump. Which is gross in and of itself. That any time a girl who’s in the business actually eats a normal size portion, she either gets accused of being a fat ass or growing a child, depending on her circumstance. But it’s also gross because it demonstrates an obvious lack of appreciation for the sophistication of the Game of Blake Lively.

Blake’s rep shut down the rumours almost immediately. And I mean like super, super quick. You know why?

Blake and Ryan Reynolds will soon start a family, no doubt. But if we know anything about Blake it’s that she has goals, a plan, always a plan, and a meticulously ordered way about achieving those goals, executing that plan.

It couldn’t have been a shotgun wedding then. Because a shotgun wedding - while yes, celebrating new life with marriage, joy, joy, is great - would imply, a little, come on, admit it, that the wedding was out of necessity, wouldn’t it? Certainly it would suggest, or leave room for a half assumption, that the wedding was expedited as a result of the pregnancy. And not 100% and ONLY because she is the most ideal beautiful wife that Ryan Reynolds has been waiting for his whole life (since he divorced Scarlett Johansson less than two years ago which was only a few years after he proposed to Alanis Morrissette).

That’s why the rep responded so swiftly. Because there’s a checklist that’s in play right now. A checklist to be marked off one item at a time marking the special occasions that make up the perfect lives lived by girls like Blake who bake cupcakes:

A white house in Connecticut
A white wedding
A white wedding spread in the white winter issue of Martha Stewart Weddings
A white envelope announcing baby, but only after a wonderfully blissful honeymoon period

Knowing what we know now of Blake and her playbook, do you really think she’d mess with that? As IF she’d be so sloppy.

The baby will come. But only in its proper place. Until then, we get to obsess about when. Are you having fun yet???