b) Look for
information on the internet, taking the advice that’s more
popular;

c) Observe what others
are doing and have done and do what they are doing and have done.

Or instead,

d) Seek information
from those who have solved that problem.

When I was in my
twenties, I experienced what could be called an identity crisis. I
was working as a waitress when I wanted to be a horse trainer. And I
got so tired I didn’t have the energy to ride my horses.

So I felt frustrated …
and lost. I didn’t know what to do. Or where to turn. It was
the 70’s … and the internet was in it’s infancy …
and few people had access to it. And I definitely couldn’t
afford it back then, even if it had been the solution-finding
opportunity then that it is today.

So since I could see no
opportunity to get what I really wanted, I did what is possibly the
stupidest thing I could have done. I relied on the MAGIC of marriage
to solve my problems …

For just the idea of
Marriage Automatically Gave Immense Comfort to many, especially many
women. Even after the sexual revolution.

Yes, the MAGIC of
Marriage is that it is (or maybe just seemed to be back in those
days) an Answer when you’re Going through an Identity Crisis.

Marriage seemed to be
the Antidote for Giving in to Insidious Compulsions that create chaos
in your life… the Antidote for Giving in to your destructive
Inner Critic …

All because you can
Grab onto the Idea of Certainty instead of Giving Insecurity Control
of your life.

Yes, Marriage seemed to
be the Antidote when Grappling with Inner Conflicts. Especially when
Glimpsing your Identity Crumbling.

But I failed to
recognize that it is a big mistake to get married to escape yourself
and your inner conflicts. For married or not, there is always a CHASM
between the Character we Habitually Activate as our Social Mirror …
the fact that we are mirroring the action of others in our lives, and
in the world, whether we realize it or not …

and the Character
Hungered for and Assumed as the Self we see in the Mirror.

For every day we
secretly hunger to be the person who we desire to be … an
individual who is independent, honest, trustworthy … and
faithful to our IMAGE of self, where the Image Mirrored is an
Accurate Glimpse of what we Expect to see.

I expected to see the
me who was a successful horse trainer, and since I couldn’t
seem to make that dream a reality, the CHASM between who I was and
who I saw myself was too great … so I had to Change How I
Actually Saw Myself.

So I changed my dream
from seeing myself as a horse trainer to seeing myself as a wife.

I didn’t realize
what I was doing. I didn’t know because it was my unconscious
part of me that was running my self. I didn’t even know that
part of my identity was crumbling, didn’t see that I was using
marriage to shore up my self-image that had been falling apart.

All I knew was that I
was determined to realize that dream of getting married.

Even when I came face
to face with the fact that my intended was having a crisis of his
own. For he had a problem with alcohol that was creating financial
chaos and crises in his life.

And when I discovered
it, I failed to take it as a danger sign. I just ignored it, thinking
everything would be all right.

So when we got married,
I had no idea that we were both, according to Tali Sharot in The
Influential Mind: What The Brain Reveals About Our Power To Change
Others, “like any humans … carry[ing] inherent biases,
[and] it is inevitable that falsehoods will sometimes increase when
individuals come together, creating expanding bubbles [of false
beliefs] that will eventually burst.”

And quickly, the MAGIC
of the Marriage-Mirage Advanced from Glimpses of Inner personal
Conflict … to Growing Interpersonal Conflict.

More and more, we saw
all those things we didn’t like about each other grow into
bigger and more obvious obstacles. Grow into immense consternation.
And fierce battles.

Battles interwined
between bouts of sincere promises and passionate intentions to make
things better … promises and intentions that melted away in
moments of anger and resentment created by broken dreams.

It took years before I
came face to face with the truth … finally seeing the CHASM
between Choosing Him As my Social Mirror had grown into an even
bigger CHASM of Choosing How Acceptable I Saw Myself.

Had grown into a CHASM
where I Chose Habits of Abdicating the Self I saw in the Mirror. Had
grown into Choices of Habitually Annihilating and Sabotaging Myself.

But the day of
reconciliation of self had to come. And decades later, the day
finally came when I had to face myself and recognize what I was doing
to myself …

And instead I Chose the
Habit of Observing the Ideas I Considered as Experiences to act on. I
Chose the Habit of Owning Ideas that were Courageous and Empowering.

For I let go of the
idea that marriage is the cure for all my problems, and instead faced
that IMAGE of myself in the mirror … and Imagined Myself
Actually Good Enough … and made the decision to work on
mirroring that image.

Because whoever you see
yourself as being when you look in the mirror determines who is
reflected out in the world around you.

Whoever you see
yourself as being when you picture yourself in your mind is the
person you will become in reality … for whatever image you
actually, determinedly, picture is the image that is realized.

And your choice of
choosing you …choosing the best you can possibly be as your
reflected image … is the difference between the emergence of
the reality of your independent self instead of your insecure self.

Is the difference
between the illusion of magic … and really making MAGIC by
Meaningfully Activating the Game of Identity Creation.

For you make
actualization a game of identifying consciously who you really are …
what makes you happy and fulfilled … and then you work on
making that identity your reality. Because that’s how God-given
independence is crystallized.

Then you experience
growth of innate capabilities like intense curiosity and inner
courage and the incessant capacity to like yourself as well as like
others in the world.

But it’s not
easy. For as Dr. Robert Anthony says in his April 6, 2020 email,
”There is a lot of fear tied up in leaving the tribe” …
giving up the TRIBE who Think the Reflection of your Identity is
Becoming what’s Expected by others, society, and your insecure
self, as well.

Dr. Anthony believes
you won’t be able to really be free and independent unless you
learn to think for yourself. He says, “To do this, you must be
capable of critical thought – which is something the members of
the tribe cannot do.”

For, explains Dr.
Anthony, “most people don’t know how to think. They have
been told WHAT to think for so long, they no longer know HOW to
think.”

Dr. Anthony says to
really think requires you to “think contrary” to what
others think, think contrary to what you have been taught. Dr.
Anthony continues his explanation, revealing, “it ALWAYS
requires you to question the beliefs you hold. On everything. This is
not easy because we are addicted to certainty. We would rather be
certain about our beliefs than face the fact that what we believe may
not be ‘true.’”

But, as Dr. Anthony
states further, the more you question what you believe, the more you
see you and others around you “have been hypnotized.”

Hypnotized and
mesmerized into being just like everyone else, doing what everyone
else is doing. For going along with others is, in Tali’s words, “a
simple, easy, effortless way to make decisions – a
mental shortcut” … a shortcut that creates more …
and even bigger … problems.

Dr. Anthony concludes
that “you don’t have to wait for [others] to wake up from
the trance. You can do it right now!”

Then you can lessen the
gap … the CHASM … by Choosing the Habit of Actually
Seeing Me … the real me … in your mental mirror.

And you can then make
MAGIC in other people’s lives, as well as your own, helping
yourself and others Manifest Acceptance of self by Genuine Identity
Creation…choosing who one really desires to be, who one really
is … and making a Game of Incessantly Conjuring up that
identity for yourselves.

For the truth is, you
are who you’ve chosen to be … and if you don’t
like who you’ve become, you can change it. You merely choose a
different identity to manifest, a different picture of you to focus
on.

You choose the image of
you that you want to see mirrored and reflected back at you.

The choice is yours.
You merely have to see … become aware of the fact …
that you have a choice … and then make your choice.

So who do you see
yourself as being? Choose wisely. Its all a matter of making MAGIC
and Manifesting by Achieving the Greatness of Independent Choice.
Intelligent choice. Introspective choice …

instead of reacting to
the thoughts and ideas of that insecure child in you who just wants
to do what everyone else is doing, just to be safe, just to
experience certainty, just to not be different from everybody else.

You’ll know
you’re on the right track when you feel good about yourself
even if, and when, you’ve made a difficult choice. You feel
okay about your choices. You feel good about being able to be free to
be “the real me.”

So wake up from the
society-imposed trance called reality. Learn to tell the difference
between the you who you choose to be the mirror of your life …
the person you decide is “really you” ... and the person
you and others expect and demand you to be.

Don’t settle for
that ‘imposter you’ just because it’s easier.
Decide to find … and be … you.

Sure, it’s more
difficult … but you get a more satisfying return on your
investment: real happiness.

My name is Kathy G.
Lynch and I own the website at www.acronymstoliveby.com/
where I use
acronyms to help others who experience difficulties achieving their
goals and getting what they want reprogram their mind with a mental
makeover. I help them get rid of the darkness in their mind by
inspiring them and helping them see the light in their souls.