I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I need advise. My DD who's currently 3 years old goes to a religious DC full time. Up until now i felt somewhat comfortable and trusted the 3 main teachers. However there has been past incidents that made me question their decisions. This past Friday while picking up my daughter. I noticed that the DC had a Birthday celebration for one the DCC. All the DCC were sitting down eating cupcakes but my daughter.
I assume that my daughter had eaten hers faster than the other DCC. But both her hands and face we're clean "she's typically a messy eater especially with cupcakes" the table where she was sitting was also clean and, the other DDC who are sitting with her we're just getting started. So after walking out on our way to picking up her older brother from school. I ask her if she liked her cupcake. My DD looks at me with saddest face and tells me she's didn't eat a cupcake "only boys can have cupcakes" she then goes on to inform me that she only had cracker and her teacher said no cupcakes for her. The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child. I feel very hurt and betrayed since this is 2nd child in their program. I try to be a respectful understanding and polite parent. I know what it's like to work in the CCI I own my own HDC. I would never and have never treated any of my DCC badly. I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise

If you honestly don't feel safe, I would pull immediately. But if the cupcake incident is the only one, I think there is probably a good explanation for it.

Have you considered maybe the teachers saw you were there before she got hers, and they knew she was leaving so they didn't give one to her because you were ready to go. I find when I give cupcakes to 3 year olds, it is going to take them forever to eat only the frosting, because that is all they like.

I have dropped by unannounced in the past to pick my DD found her sleeping in corner away from the other children. My DD has always had a napping schedule specially since I run my own daycare and she's been following it since day one. Their excuse was that she was not sleeping and making too much noise so she had to be by herself in the corner. My DD who's been potty trained since she was 2 has started peeing on herself and wetting the bed at night ever since she started her DDC back in October. The DC teacher are always telling me that she's peeing on the way to the bathroom. Which never happens at home.

From what you've said, your daughter's version of events didn't quite mesh with your own observation. She told you that only the boys got to eat cupcakes yet you say the other girls were eating cupcakes, too. Based on that, I would say take a deep breath and contact one of the teachers to ask what happened. Speak calmly and don't be accusing and listen with an open mind. Once you hear the teacher's explanation, you'll be able to make a better decision as to what your next step should be. Good luck!

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I need advise. My DD who's currently 3 years old goes to a religious DC full time. Up until now i felt somewhat comfortable and trusted the 3 main teachers. However there has been past incidents that made me question their decisions. This past Friday while picking up my daughter. I noticed that the DC had a Birthday celebration for one the DCC. All the DCC were sitting down eating cupcakes but my daughter.
I assume that my daughter had eaten hers faster than the other DCC. But both her hands and face we're clean "she's typically a messy eater especially with cupcakes" the table where she was sitting was also clean and, the other DDC who are sitting with her we're just getting started. So after walking out on our way to picking up her older brother from school. I ask her if she liked her cupcake. My DD looks at me with saddest face and tells me she's didn't eat a cupcake "only boys can have cupcakes" she then goes on to inform me that she only had cracker and her teacher said no cupcakes for her. The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child. I feel very hurt and betrayed since this is 2nd child in their program. I try to be a respectful understanding and polite parent. I know what it's like to work in the CCI I own my own HDC. I would never and have never treated any of my DCC badly. I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I have dropped by unannounced in the past to pick my DD found her sleeping in corner away from the other children. My DD has always had a napping schedule specially since I run my own daycare and she's been following it since day one. Their excuse was that she was not sleeping and making too much noise so she had to be by herself in the corner. My DD who's been potty trained since she was 2 has started peeing on herself and wetting the bed at night ever since she started her DDC back in October. The DC teacher are always telling me that she's peeing on the way to the bathroom. Which never happens at home.

My cousin runs a home daycare and she put her child into another daycare for the socialization and to be around older kids when she was around 3.

I would go in to this conference and try to stay level headed and ask your questions calmly. 3 year olds donít always have their stories lined up correctly. I know in my state withholding food is considered child abuse but Iím not sure where the line is on serving some children a treat and not others. Giving cupcakes to some and not others seems cruel if there is no medical reason (allergies).

Iíve seen the wetting on the way to the bathroom many times in a daycare setting. Itís different than at home where she may be busy playing and not realize until itís too late that she has to go. Children do regress sometimes with training of a sudden change occurs, such as starting a new daycare.

Bottom line is if you feel the daycare is unsafe why are you still sending your child there?

I agree with e.j. and would ask to speak with the teacher's directly. Many times a 3 yr olds version of what happened is no where near the truth. I am not saying your DD is lying but she may be misunderstanding or interpreting differently.

I would never deny a child snack or lunch but there have been times in which we've had sugary food rewards that not all kids earned so not all kids got. Many times if they haven't eaten lunch I will give them crackers to eat first BEFORE allowing the sugary treat so that they have something good for them in their belly first. kwim?

As for the potty accidents, I've been in this business for 25+ yrs now and I have yet to meet a child that performs at home the same way they do here. The different environments could be a valid explanation for that.

All in all though I would absolutely schedule a time to talk with the teachers and get their take on what's happening.

If, however you feel uncomfortable about anything...remove your child. Instincts are usually there for those times in which our logic or our brains are saying something different.

I also sent my 4 yr old to a preschool seperate from me. She needed more socialization than what I could offer her at the time.

I also have a child in my daycare who started wetting his pants when he started with me. He suddenly needed pullups at nap time for the first time ever...and he has been potty trained since 2 years old. No clue why, other than major anxiety issues when away from his home and routine.

As for the napping I am not sure what to think about that. Maybe a few more drop in unannounced and a talk to the director is in order. I never want to tell moms to go against their instincts but sometimes parents do suspect the worst when nothing is really happening.

I had a parent terminate care because she didn't like what she thought was going on but never asked me about it. For instance, she picked up early so I always made sure her child had snack before she came. Often when she picked up her child was running around and the other children were eating snack. She assumed that meant I didn't feed her child, when the opposite was true.

Everyone above has good advice. "Only boys eating cupcakes" sounds a bit over the top. But if they are really that crazy...well I think you know the answer.

If you have your own professional, successful daycare, I'm surprised that you don't know how to approach this situation. I mean, just treat them how you'd want to be treated. Surely they know and respect that this is your profession too.

Off topic, but I have to say that I'm amazed to hear about daycares that feed kids cupcakes. I tried that like twice and NEVER again. Birthday candy here would be jelly beans or smarties: clean, no biting, no crumbs, no frosting etc. I'm such a scrooge when it comes to messy food.

I ended up speaking to the two of of the teachers. Director was not there at the moment. I asked DCT if my daughter had a cupcake on Friday she said she didn't remember. The other DCT proceeded to inform me that she had offered my daughter a cupcake and she refused. However that doesn't explain why my daughter was told only boys can have cupcakes. She continued on saying how my daughter always switches her story. Either way I feel suspicious and i shouldn't have to feel this way. So if I'm wrong I'm wrong and willing to apologise. I'm making sure to stop by at random times to make sure.

I ended up speaking to the two of of the teachers. Director was not there at the moment. I asked DCT if my daughter had a cupcake on Friday she said she didn't remember. The other DCT proceeded to inform me that she had offered my daughter a cupcake and she refused. However that doesn't explain why my daughter was told only boys can have cupcakes. She continued on saying how my daughter always switches her story. Either way I feel suspicious and i shouldn't have to feel this way. So if I'm wrong I'm wrong and willing to apologise. I'm making sure to stop by at random times to make sure.

Didnít you say you walked in and all the other children were eating cupcakes except your daughter? Is she the only girl in the classroom? At 3 they do always switch their stories, it just comes with the age. If youíre that suspicious that you are suspecting mistreatment why send her back at all?

I was not referring to open to close hours. I was referring to your typical pick up time. Do you typically pick up at 3:15? If so the parent may have been given the number of kids that typically are there for afternoon snack. That is what the director would have gone by, average meal counts for pm snack on her admin page, when asked for a number by a parent intending to bring cupcakes to any classroom.

Also I would have a high index of suspicion that the person who told her the cupcakes were for boys only was the birthday boy or his buddy. Might even have been referring to a specific color of cupcake if, say, she wanted blue instead of green then refused the green one. Maybe the parent sent blue bugs for boys, green butterflys for girls? Sounds pretty familiar for the 3-4 year old classroom.

__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.

Were all the other kiddos eating cupcakes? I would not go by what a 3 yo child says, at least not 100%. According to a 3 yo dcb I used to have, I only fed him bread and water.
The cupcake issue is kind of a minor questionable thing out of your whole experience. Is there something else going like that would create major red flags? The potty accidents, also, can be easily explained. I don't know; have never had my children in dc. But as others have said, if you feel uncomfortable with all this, give notice and find someplace else or keep your child with you in your dc. Good Luck!!
As you well know, trust is the one key issue we all need to overcome in having a child in someone else's care. If there isn't any trust, you've got little left.

I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise

Your daughter isn't a good historian or she wouldn't have said only boys had cupcakes when you saw that the girls had them too.

I will NEVER understand why a parent would bring their child to a daycare they didn't trust and fear for their child. You have the ability to pay them for this month but just keep her home. You have a home child care and for some reason you have chosen to have her cared for by others. You have the option to just keep her with you.

Pay them their required notice and find somewhere else where you don't fear for her life.

Your daughter isn't a good historian or she wouldn't have said only boys had cupcakes when you saw that the girls had them too.

I will NEVER understand why a parent would bring their child to a daycare they didn't trust and fear for their child. You have the ability to pay them for this month but just keep her home. You have a home child care and for some reason you have chosen to have her cared for by others. You have the option to just keep her with you.

Pay them their required notice and find somewhere else where you don't fear for her life.

It's not a tough one.

Also you don't trust them over thinking your daughter didn't get a cupcake? I have kids refuse all types of stuff here. I am not taking up for them but you either trust them or you don't. I would never leave my child somewhere I didn't feel was safe.

I would not call a lot of attention to this in front of your daughter. I’m sure you’ve had those kids who love to tattle on kids/teachers because they love the attention they get. I had one kid tell a huge lie and the parents questioned him over and over and he kept changing the story. The parents believe him......so the story ended up that 3 different boys on 3 different occasions hit him in his privates. It started with 1 kid but since he couldn’t remember who he said the first time.....it ended up being 3 different kids. The parents pulled him out. I was actually glad. He was a liability to me and I would have termed anyway. Anyway.....kids lie or embellish.

If you do not feel that its a good experience keep her home.Trust your instincts.Now looking back on my own childrearing years I realize how fast it goes.I did send my youngest to preschool.I ran a very successful program at home.Like you I thought he needed more socialization.I was wrong,it was kind of a pain.I was unable to go to some of the parent programs and pick up was a pain.He remembers none of it and did not seem any more adjusted than his 3 siblings. I think the red flag for you is there.You noticed the sleeping in corner incident,the cupcake issue.I would talk to the teachers especially if you have an older child at the school.I would keep my 3 yr old at home.Its for the morning only lunch and nap.Seems like you pick up early.Maybe just withdraw for this year and reaccess for next .year. I think you have valid reason to be concerned.

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I need advise. My DD who's currently 3 years old goes to a religious DC full time. Up until now i felt somewhat comfortable and trusted the 3 main teachers. However there has been past incidents that made me question their decisions. This past Friday while picking up my daughter. I noticed that the DC had a Birthday celebration for one the DCC. All the DCC were sitting down eating cupcakes but my daughter.
I assume that my daughter had eaten hers faster than the other DCC. But both her hands and face we're clean "she's typically a messy eater especially with cupcakes" the table where she was sitting was also clean and, the other DDC who are sitting with her we're just getting started. So after walking out on our way to picking up her older brother from school. I ask her if she liked her cupcake. My DD looks at me with saddest face and tells me she's didn't eat a cupcake "only boys can have cupcakes" she then goes on to inform me that she only had cracker and her teacher said no cupcakes for her. The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child. I feel very hurt and betrayed since this is 2nd child in their program. I try to be a respectful understanding and polite parent. I know what it's like to work in the CCI I own my own HDC. I would never and have never treated any of my DCC badly. I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise

I think you should pay your notice and stop bringing her if you feel this way. Hopefully you have room in your daycare ratios to keep her home without having to end care of one of your other daycare children, but when it comes to your child's safety, you figure something out.

For what it's worth, I don't think the cupcake incident is probably as big of deal as you think it is. My guess is that she may be a little harder to handle or is acting up and the daycare is taking away privelege as a consequence. These consequences are coming off as punishment that you don't find acceptable, which is not unusual as you are also a daycare provider and probably do things a bit differently than they do. Your daughter may even be acting up since she has to leave home and go to a daycare versus getting to stay home at your day care. At her age I'm sure she's well aware of the situation. And sometimes they act out because of it, so it's a possibility.

All that aside, if you don't trust them and you fear for your daughter then don't send her for one more day. Pay the money and move on.

I always took things with a grain on salt at that age. 3year olds are notorious for fibbing/exaggerating. At that age my DS told us his JK teacher had a flame thrower. Oh, and real bricks that the good kids got to hit the bad kids on the head with... For some reason I didn't believe him!
Plus, in the grand scheme of things, is it really THAT big of a deal if she didn't get a cupcake? It's likely the staff had a reason IMHO

I agree with e.j. and would ask to speak with the teacher's directly. Many times a 3 yr olds version of what happened is no where near the truth. I am not saying your DD is lying but she may be misunderstanding or interpreting differently.

I would never deny a child snack or lunch but there have been times in which we've had sugary food rewards that not all kids earned so not all kids got. Many times if they haven't eaten lunch I will give them crackers to eat first BEFORE allowing the sugary treat so that they have something good for them in their belly first. kwim?

As for the potty accidents, I've been in this business for 25+ yrs now and I have yet to meet a child that performs at home the same way they do here. The different environments could be a valid explanation for that.

All in all though I would absolutely schedule a time to talk with the teachers and get their take on what's happening.

If, however you feel uncomfortable about anything...remove your child. Instincts are usually there for those times in which our logic or our brains are saying something different.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

I sent my own child to a structured program/preschool at 3 and at that time I still took school aged kids. My kid needed what I was unable to provide. I think it's common for providers to do this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

I was not referring to open to close hours. I was referring to your typical pick up time. Do you typically pick up at 3:15? If so the parent may have been given the number of kids that typically are there for afternoon snack. That is what the director would have gone by, average meal counts for pm snack on her admin page, when asked for a number by a parent intending to bring cupcakes to any classroom.

Also I would have a high index of suspicion that the person who told her the cupcakes were for boys only was the birthday boy or his buddy. Might even have been referring to a specific color of cupcake if, say, she wanted blue instead of green then refused the green one. Maybe the parent sent blue bugs for boys, green butterflys for girls? Sounds pretty familiar for the 3-4 year old classroom.

My mom did in home daycare and she sent me to a preschool for a couple hours a couple days a week. For the preschool program and to be around kids my own age and to get away from her (i was stuck to her hip shy). I also put my son in an evening preschool through the community center. It was 2 1/2 hours 2 days a week. Does your daughter need to be there everyday all day? My personal opinion is that she should go to an actual preschool vs just another daycare. It seems pointless otherwise..to me..nothing personal.
One of the reasons why I started inhome daycare is so that I can be with my kids. I honestly dont trust centers with everything Ive been hearing in the news. More and more centers are found abusing/neglecting kids.

I guess I am not understanding what the "big" issue is here. I've been following this for a few days now to see if I am missing something.
You are concerned that your child didn't get a cupcake. I understand that it may feel like it's something pointed directly towards your daughter and then your daughters teachers are not telling you what happened exactly. It can be frustrating.
When working at a center, one of the things that are expected of you is to pull reasons out of your a@@ to make parents happy. I'm surprised that they didn't do this but instead said that they don't remember. Even in the instance that your daughter was sleeping in the corner. Maybe that's just where she fell asleep. My own kids fall asleep in random places also.
If you really feel like you don't trust your center, pull your daughter. It's not that hard.
I have worked in centers long enough to know that I will never place my child in one. There's a ton of things that go on behind the curtain that a parent never sees. I would personally never hire the people that I work with because those teachers, assistants and aids are all a liability. Most of them are there for the paycheck and treat the children like that are stupid, or like they are tiny adults. Nobody realizes that these kids we work with are just that.. kids. And that they make a mess and that if the mess isn't there at the end of the day.. what the heck were you doing all day. The person that I work with literally yells at the kids to clean up all day long but she can't manage to get up and help them clean up. Of course they don't clean up because you are just sitting there yelling at them. Things are unfair and if anyone has a favorite the rest of the kids get screwed by that person and honestly, I am guessing that is what happened with the cupcake but please don't hold me to that.

If a child does not eat the regular snack first here, I will not give them a sugar-filled treat on an empty stomach. I will pack it up to eat at home, though.

As many posters have said, your daughter said only boys got cupcakes but yet you saw boys and girls with cupcakes. You seem to still believe what your daughter said, despite your own observation to the contrary?

The teacher says she was offered one and refused. I have had many kids do that and then change their tune when the parent showed up. My own daughter is famous for that. You said she only got sad/upset after you asked her about it. Sounds like she started regretting her decision, then made up a story that made it someone else's fault.

As far as her sleeping off to herself, the goal of rest time is that they rest - something I'm sure you know as a provider. Some kids can rest in a large group, some others need to be off to themselves.

I think maybe you should stop expecting your daughter's daycare to be run like you run yours - it will not be and you will constantly be running into issues. I sent my daughter to public preschool after 4 years of being at the one I work at - it took me three months of taking issue with every little thing to understand that.

But of course, if you feel uneasy about leaving your daughter there, don't. Im assuming your daughter CAN be with you until you find one that is a good fit, so it's pretty simple.

One of my daycare kids (3) went home and told her mom another daycare mom was having a baby because she overheard me and that mom talking about her hoping to try for another this Spring. 3 year olds mom is the hairstylist of the other mom and had her in her chair last night, had to ask her if it was true. We all had a good laugh about it. Kids get things messed up. Itís what they do.

I have to admit I didn't read every comment here but when your child tells you something that is concerning to you, DON'T brush it off just because she is 3. I don't want to scare you....it's probably nothing. But don't discount her stories because she's 3 and could be confused.

My child was in a program that from the outside looked like a wonderful program. The owner was a beautiful mother, it appeared the children were being fed healthy foods, playing outside. My son went to her for more than 3 years.

My son ALWAYS would tell me that he ate "nothing" or "just crackers" when he was at her house. I talked to the daycare provider about it, of course, she assured me that she was feeding the kids on a weekly plan and provided me an example. Sometimes she would send a pic of my child eating "real food" to "prove" that she fed him.

Then we caught her. It was discovered that she was LEAVING children alone. Taking naps in the middle of the day. Illegally transporting children (no child restraints and without parent permission). And yeah, PROBABLY feeding the kids JUST crackers. Everyone pulled, and she does't have a daycare anymore...I will never be 100% sure about the cracker thing, but my 22lb (extremely underweight) 3 year old became a 29lb 4 year old after leaving her care.

I have a kid who might go home and tell mom and dad that I didn’t give her ranch dressing. I work too fast plopping food on plates.....and very often one gets missed. Could not have happened with the cupcakes? Most kids will certainly speak up...after all, it’s a cupcake! If your child doesn’t, maybe that’s something to work on.

I have to admit I didn't read every comment here but when your child tells you something that is concerning to you, DON'T brush it off just because she is 3. I don't want to scare you....it's probably nothing. But don't discount her stories because she's 3 and could be confused.

My child was in a program that from the outside looked like a wonderful program. The owner was a beautiful mother, it appeared the children were being fed healthy foods, playing outside. My son went to her for more than 3 years.

My son ALWAYS would tell me that he ate "nothing" or "just crackers" when he was at her house. I talked to the daycare provider about it, of course, she assured me that she was feeding the kids on a weekly plan and provided me an example. Sometimes she would send a pic of my child eating "real food" to "prove" that she fed him.

Then we caught her. It was discovered that she was LEAVING children alone. Taking naps in the middle of the day. Illegally transporting children (no child restraints and without parent permission). And yeah, PROBABLY feeding the kids JUST crackers. Everyone pulled, and she does't have a daycare anymore...I will never be 100% sure about the cracker thing, but my 22lb (extremely underweight) 3 year old became a 29lb 4 year old after leaving her care.

I'm with you, as a parent and a provider. I ENCOURAGE parents to POP IN. I also use photo documentation DAILY of meals, potty, activities so that there is NO miscommunication between here/home that I AM doing what I say.

My heart breaks for you and your son. I remember when you first told us about this.

I'm with you, as a parent and a provider. I ENCOURAGE parents to POP IN. I also use photo documentation DAILY of meals, potty, activities so that there is NO miscommunication between here/home that I AM doing what I say.

My heart breaks for you and your son. I remember when you first told us about this.

Thank you. It's funny I never saw the red flags, I feel like I was sooooooooo blind because I trusted her so much. I had zero reason not to, after all, if I didn't trust her why would I leave my child with her? But I did. I trust her through and through, questioning it would mean that I was willingly leaving him with someone I didn't trust. ALL OF US trusted her, until we didn't. I like to share my story, not to scare people, but so they can ask questions.

Honestly I am more upset about the relationships that we lost. I truly loved the provider that was doing this, and I still question how she did it. I know she loved my son. My son and her daughter were best best friends. All that is gone now.

Watch for the signs. If it's really over a cupcake, it could be an honest mistake, maybe she was in the bathroom when they passed out cupcakes and the lunch lady didn't know. There could have been a reason for it, as everyone has pointed out-- perhaps there wasn't enough cupcakes because she was still there after her normal pick up time, or they knew you'd be there any minute and didn't want you to pick up a super messy kid. OR, there could be something else going on. Ask the provider questions, ask your daughter questions.

Ask yourself why you don't trust them. Is it really over a cupcake? Is there another reason?

Child gets pulled from daycare after Jimmy tells his mother that Miss Provider hit Bertie really hard and made him cry. Sounded awful and mom pulled straight away without even asking the provider what happened.

She found out later that Bertie had been choking on his food and the provider saved his life. Always ask.

Child gets pulled from daycare after Jimmy tells his mother that Miss Provider hit Bertie really hard and made him cry. Sounded awful and mom pulled straight away without even asking the provider what happened.

She found out later that Bertie had been choking on his food and the provider saved his life. Always ask.

Yup. It's important to ask. I had a 3 year old who told me to stop hitting his baby sister. I had just finished feeding her and was burping her. Patting her back apparently looked to him like I was hitting her.

Regardless of what happened, if after talking to the teachers involved you still don't feel as though you can trust them, I'd say go with your gut and pull her. You'll sleep better at night.

I trust red flags. Obviously if you Fear for your child being at this place - and donít feel better after speaking with the staff- pull her.

The two incidents you describe could be nothing but in combination with her wetting herself since starting there, Id pull my child personally -, at least if potty training were long established. Children have few ways to let us know whatís going on when we arenít there.

Even verbal children often canít really let us know exact situations. Wetting themselves is often a sign of stress and again - in combination with your Red flag feelings personally Iíd pull if my child didnít ďhaveĒ to be there especially.

Iíve worked at enough daycare centers to know that there are a certain number of insensitive, apathetic and sometimes downright abusive care givers out there.
Trust your instincts.
Also as far as your child saying ďonly boys get cupcakesĒ - to me that sounds like something one or two of the little boys could have said to her as a taunt/tease, regardless of if other little girls were eating cupcakes right next to them.
Sometimes kids refuse treats because they are pouting or feeling off for whatever reason though. Just a thought.