I have been informed that I have made some errors in this post. There are 51 sets of sexual assault laws in this country. They can be found on findlaw.com. These are the 50 states and Federal law. I did not check all of them and I did not include territories or possessions, however each body of laws regarding sexual crimes have various types, sentencing recommendations and those that cross state lines become federal. What I sensed in those I read was that various degrees of these crimes exist but I also think – only my opinion – that they should be codified better throughout the various legal systems. And I hold to the idea that the accused and the abused should both have due process. I should add that sexual crimes are very complicated and very much disagreed upon globally. But indeed they are, in this country, set down by each state and the federal government and guidelines, statutes and many laws exist. I apologize for not researching this better and I hope that simply by searching a state’s sex crimes law on the Internet these resources will answer questions I cannot. I am not in law enforcement nor am I an attorney. This post has been edited to reflect my errors.

What happens when you unleash predators and dump them into a big cage with room for many, many more? Some are misdemeanor predators with only one egregious act to their name and others are serial predators who would still be doing it if they had not been exposed. It’s a valid question because every crime on our books has degrees of offenses. Sexual crimes do as well (see above) – I would guess because it has been ignored, not believed, excused or just plain denied by the offenders or the legal and LE systems these laws may slip through the cracks. It has a statute of limitations in some states so if you got assaulted 26 years ago – time has run out and the offender walks.

For many reasons – that of shame, trauma and fear of not being believed,what are considered criminals among us who don’t get charged and we have #metoos who do not get their day in court. All these particular offenses are are not equal and herein lies the rub (sorry). Is a pinch on the butt equal to a rape in an alley? Is workplace harassment comparable to a gang rape in a fraternity house or at a party. Is substance abuse a factor? Is domestic abuse with rape the same as rubbing up in subway car? Can a husband rape a spouse legally.Is flirting frought with danger. Is it an invitation or is it so complicated a message it can be a crime to even do it? You know the variations on this theme and you also know that the acts themselves are not all the same. They may make us feel violated and threatened and dirty; but they are not all the same.

Those accused – whom we so readily name and those who are not named but pointed at – areoften not charged and therefore not proven guilty. The millions of #metoos are still only making accusations. And while these offenses include the murdering of the souls and psyches of the women and male victims who have been abused and violated, there are still very broad interpretations of such crimes by judges and juries. Frequently the evidence in any court would be one word against the other. I suspect even lawyers on both sides have issues with this problem.

How could you apply a statute of limitations on better defined degrees or would all sexual high crimes and misdeanors be treated exactly the same. Anthony Weiner provided proof of his own aberrations – and he made himself the villain because he was the villain. He is in the fedslam. He has been disgraced and he is being punished through the legal system. Due process.

Because a culture of fear and shame denied the violated, the violated were denied due process. I think if I were so inclined, I would sue those who perpetuated this. And if I were in the legal arena, I would collect all the evidence available and bring causes of action in each case that could be a cause of action. I would not favor the race or age or gender of the accused or their value to a college or a career or a future. Let Justice be blind. We are a nation of accomplished finger pointers. We use reputations to defame and extol many people who deserve neither. But I am more concerned with the way in which these crimes or alleged crimes (because people do lie) are handled and have been handled. And I speak personally; that not all people violated have their lives ruined. Many do, but many don’t. There are those of us who can relegate memories to a place where #metoo no longer has a daily impact or incessant pain. We are the fortunate ones.

While members of the Congress and commerce are resigning in droves and without due process we are committing further injustice and a rush to judgment outside the courts of law. This is wrong too.

I do not claim to have answers that are effective in the moment. But the crimes of a sexual nature; the rapes, the rubs, the feel-ups, the date rapes, the marital rapes, the campus rapes the injury, the accused who do go on trial, the anger, the retaliation all have to be placed in a context that other crimes against society and people are placed. This body of crime has existed for all of humanity. Some sought power, some sought satisfaction, some went nuts in war and kept on abusing. But in any context – this is not new. And as such we need to make it fit into our legal system better and be adjudicated as we do many other offenses.

Back in the halcyon days of Hollywood – when connections could open doors and a pretty girl went out to become a star, I did too. Not a starlet. A star. I was a lazy model, a wife, a mother and a dreamer who frequently thought – “I could do that”. So in the guise of going to Hollywood to check on a house, we held a second on – up in the Bird Streets, I took my daughter and myself and flew to Hollywood for a week. Due to NYC connections of my then spouse, I had entrez to every studio in town – no waiting, valet parking, generosity of time. courtesy and no casting couch. Stayed with a friend who was the most unhelpful director born. Couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t even say no. Just didn’t. No help at all. His best moment was driving by Kirk Douglas’ house and saying casually “Oh, Kirk’s finally getting his driveway fixed”. With that gem, I quickly found a hotel and rented a car. I did check on the house stilted high above the fault lines with an excellent view of the city as it was then. (It was on Warbler Way if you are wondering). Before that pivotal moment, however – the day before, I mentioned the name of a well-known studio exec who had a reputation for many things. Elegance, erudition and expecting favors for his time and a possible bit part. I was pleased about it until my friend shakes his head like a yenta and say “Oh, we were roommates when we first came to Los Angeles from NYC, you’re not seeing him I hope?” And I replied I did have his number as a person to call and then I was treated to the entire, blow by blow activities of this power broker and it was pretty graphic, but no big surprise. I assured him that was not gonna happen and he mentioned it more than once and I ignored him. It turned out I did call this bigwig of Hollywood who nonchalantly invited me to his house above Sunset Strip for drinks the next evening and I went!!!! Young, but not eggshell young. I made a simple speech in my head to deliver that involved candor, name-dropping and explaining what I knew and what I had no intention of doing. (And frankly by that time – I was disgusted with the entire town, the “Industry”, whether or not I could act (I couldn’t) and I was about to get outta Dodge the next day. And so I went.

Up Sunset Plaza in my little rented Pinto (yup – Pinto) And up some more and found the house, where I carefully backed into the driveway, put my keys under the seat and went to the door. (Right now you think I was insanely stupid, driven by my “friend’s” paternalistic warnings; more like stubborn and over the movie star thing entirely.) I rang the buzzer; the door opened and there he was in his silk jammies and robe!!!! I swear to God. DId I run. Nooooo. I walked past him, looked him in the eye and said very pleasantly, how do and I have heard all about your casting couch activities and I am not impressed or interested. Everyone I know in this town (drop, drop, drop) knows where I am and (names, dropped, dropped, dropped) and stopped. He said nothing except to ask me what I would like to drink and I asked for a soda. Long silence. But he got one for me and then patted the couch like they like to do (still) and I laughed and all of a sudden, as I sat in a chair, I knew he had gotten it and it had worked. We moved to the kitchen and he made ice cream sundaes and he was indeed erudite and well-educated and we laughed a lot. He told me “it was a shame I was so pretty because what I was, was funny, but no one laughed at a comic who was a pretty girl. I hesitated to mention Carole Landis, Judy Holliday or Myrna Loy. Thanked for the ice cream and drove away to my little hotel room laughing like a maniac. It was in fact, the best part of my week of getting famous (and lucky).Long before fat (yes because he is,) slobbering Harvey got busted for the myriad list of offenses he is accused of and likely did.

I am still a #metoo from more naive days, But not that time. Probably why I recall it so clearly and why I was proud of myself. And why I still laugh and wish I had been able to give a course there and then it to the other #metoos. Maybe back then on Kirk’s fixed driveway. (more…)

Donald Trump can kiss my ass. How dare anyone – man or woman – imagine a punishment for an abortion? What could be worse than the entire situation itself. Somehow the self-righteous right (and many others, sacred and profane) think women have abortions when there is nothing good on sale at Bloomingdales or K-Mart? Is that what they imagine. Well imagine this – you are pregnant and it is not a thrilling fact of your life. Rich,poor, any ethnicity and no one is faced with this truly except women. Casual sex, marital sex, oops sex, rape, you are knocked up. And you had no intention to become a parent – actually – a mother. Your choices should be unlimited in a normal society. But in the eyes of mostly men – you are so low and foul – even in Chanel – you not only are a slut to be shamed but you should be punished if you can manage to make a personal choice. Hoe dare he. How dare they? I will not face this decision again in my life but I have in another time of my life. I have chosen and if you do not think that choice was a difficult and emotionally wrought one – then you are ducky. Women may be relieved after this choice – but they carry it inside them forever. In their minds, their hearts and their body’s memory. I do.

So despite this being a medical decision for the doctor and an emotionally medical one for the woman what more is there to exact? A fine, probation, stay 30 feet from a penis for the rest of your life, have it stitched shut, have a tattoo on your face like Hester Prynne? Community service in a creche or nursery? Lose the children you have and love because you didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t have another that you did not want to bear. Birth defects – how dare you – you MUST have a baby with no quality of life – including yours and that of your family? That would be an agony that covers a lot of ground.

Was he quick to retract his statement? WOW. You betcha’ because he knew he had crossed a line of voters who do not play that period. And I suspect he actually was sorry about the pressure he bore for it. I think he believes all his pompous, dangerous demagoguery. I’ll bet he had a laundry list of nasty punishments for bad women who chose choice. But Donald is not alone. He just bleats his ideas (?) more easily. I suspect this is the stance of most GOP men and some women. And I also bet they have paid for numerous terminations about which they have no guilt, whatsoever.

Men. Stay out of our vaginas unless you are invited in. Men. Stay out of our wombs unless your opinion is requested. Men. Worry about your frequently out of control dicks and refrain from making medical decisions for females. It is not your right. You have no standing to do so.

And this: Back once more – hectic few months. Hating this Election Season 2016

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It thrilled me no end today, that the vagina – the water feature ride of every woman (down the chute and out you come – wet!) has an acceptable new name. At least the NYTimes says so in the Sunday Style Section (Oct. 28, 2007). Unlike the much euphemized penis – which early on gets lots of good names, (there seems to be no end to the dick ) ; not so the vagina – her pet name has remained a mystery because no one – even people who have their own – have no clue what they can get away with calling her. Mention the word “vagina” and you will get a lots of “eee-oooo’s” and “icks”. Kudos to Eve Ensler who put a fast stop to some of that with the wonderful “Vagina Monologues”. But even Eve’s participants didn’t actually use any names that stuck. A short look at the names that have sort of stuck in my lifetime ( many of which I used and still do) illustrates the point. As a little kid I had a “bixie” (??), then there was a long period of where she was: “down there”, “there”, “up in there”, in there”, “you know” (this came with a quick double head motion to the side), twat, pussy and often, simply crotch; my mother’s favorite was “pooley” (because my little brother couldn’t say pussycat and called the family pet a pooley). For a while I liked the popular, “suzie”, “woo-woo”, couze (a French guy, I dated used that a lot), and I think my personal favorite at one time was “snatch”. An old Black street term for her is “cock” – and there is a jump rope rhyme that includes the term (I will email the entire rhyme to anyone curious enough to ask for it). Just to give you an idea of how some folks have the word “vagina” hovering in their subconscious, a London friend told me about a girl who blurted out to her mother that she just seen the play “Victoria Vagina”! Sounds right to me. But today’s revelation that both Grey’s Anatomy and Oprah have designated the term vajayjay as the okay, on and off screen, use with your mother and daughter, nomenclature comes as a relief. Diaphragm users will be able to explain their vajayjay’s dimension without having to say , “I have a huge vagina”; post menopausal women will no longer blush when buying KY because their vajayjay has shrunk and yeast infections will no longer be called “feminine itch”. The down side is negligible for the word. It may cause some small problem in South Asia where Vijay is a popular male first name and my brother will no longer have to use the euphemism CUNextTuesday for any reason anymore but that’s a small price for the freedom it allows. As for the straight male population, they still won’t “call” her anything anyway because they are scared to death of her, no matter how much they want to get in.