(Closed) FIL’s comments about money! (stupid vent)

I was talking to my FMIL about wedding stuff tonight and she started talking about hiring a wedding planner. I told her that I wasn’t interested because I’m already closing in on $10K (that’s factoring in the cost of catering, of course) and I really want to keep the wedding under $15K. She asked me “What, is that just some number you made up in your head?” and I explained that since my Dad is 62 years old, I would prefer that he NOT spend an astronomical amount on the wedding and work towards saving money for retirement.

She goes on to say “Well, $15K really isn’t a lot for a wedding these days”

My Dad is paying for EVERYTHING, including the rehearsal dinner. He has told me multiple times that this is what he wants to do. My future-in-laws do not have a lot of money, and we know this. We have not asked them for anything because we feel like any cost incurred by them would be burdensome, and I do not want any family members going into debt for something wedding-related. I thought it was incredibly rude of her to say this and here I am, still mad about it. I told my fiance and even HE is pissed off, and wants to say something to her about it. But I’m afraid if he does say something, she like, won’t like me anymore. She doesn’t like most people so I’m happy she doesn’t totally hate me…but I just can’t believe she would SAY something like that! UGH!

Yes, I agree with you: rude comment. I wouldn’t go out of my way to call her up and talk about the comment, but rather I would wait and see if she mentions it again. If so, I would politely say something like “well, this is our budget and we are firm on it” and move on. Maybe even find a way that you would love any and all help (if she cannot pitch in) to help keep costs down like helping with crafts or decorations.

It’s a fine line, but I do think its important to set these boundaries early in the marriage. If she says something again, I would make sure to let jer know that you, your fiance and your father have set a budget that you’re happy with and that you want to stick to that out of respect for everyone involved.

I don’t think you want to spend the rest of your life afraid to speak your mind for fear that she won’t like you. I would let your fi say something to her because that was incredibly rude. He should be the one to deal with these comments.