Things I hope the Rams did during bye week (but probably didn’t)

1. Gave Chris Chamberlain and Bryan Kehl full opportunity to take over the starting job at WLB, where Ben Leber has put the “weak” back into “weakside”. I’m not sure which of the younger players would win out, but I am sure that Leber doesn’t deserve to be on this roster after his performance so far this season.
2. Prepped first-round pick Robert Quinn to take over the starting role at RDE. James Hall has not been effective enough this season but could probably contribute more in a spot role.
3. Got Lance Kendricks a new jersey number. The #88 thinks it’s got Eddie Kennison in it again. Bad juju. Put Kendricks in #89, Dane Looker had pretty good hands. Then again, jersey juju doesn’t explain why Greg Salas is off to such a crappy start in Rickey Proehl’s old jersey.
4. Can’t believe I’m saying this one. Got Austin Pettis ready to start in the slot. He’s got the only reliable hands in the whole receiving corps; he needs to be on the field as often as possible.
5. Cut Mike Sims-Walker. He’s useless, and he’s bad luck. Yes, I know the Rams won’t do this. But they should.
6. Spent about 80 hours in front of JUGS machines.
7. Got a veteran kick returner who actually knows how to play the position and judge things like whether or not he can catch a ball safely without getting creamed by a defender. The Rams signed Nick Miller during the bye week. Let’s just say he does not fit the bill. From Paul Gutierrez at ProFootballTalk:

As far as Miller is concerned, he was respected in the locker room for his work ethic. But with the Raiders’ depth at receiver, Miller had to stand out as a return specialist to validate his roster spot.Instead, he struggled mightily on return duty, especially in Buffalo, where he slipped and fell several times and averaged just 15.3 yards on four kickoff returns and 9.5 yards on two punt returns.

Do the Rams do no scouting at all? We already have Sims-Walker who can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, do we really need this guy?

8. Got some better scouts.

9. Worked on pounding the ball. Josh McDaniels’ best game plan this year was week 3 of preseason against the Chiefs. There’s no better way to get this offensive line out of its funk than to let them go out and hammer guys (or try to) in the running game. It’s not like you’re going to replace somebody with Adam Goldberg off the bench. You’re going to have to go with what you’ve got. So let them take it to the other guys, and keep the passing game nice and safe and quick, and see if we can build their confidence back up.

10. Said something to Harvey Dahl to piss him off. Because I’m not seeing what the big deal is. This interior line is as weak as it’s ever been. Hey, say that to him, maybe that would work.

11. Made Darian Stewart the starting safety, if he wasn’t already. Good freaking luck the next three weeks, too, with Jermichael Finley, Jason Witten and Jimmy Graham.

12. Started studying the 2012 free agent list and draft class at cornerback very, very hard. Because despite the Rams’ brutal injury problems there, if they don’t draft a WR in the first round next year, Rams Nation is going to howl.

13. Started scouting for offensive line and wide receiver coaches. Steve Spagnuolo is never making it past New Year’s without offering up some sacrificial lambs from the coaching staff. Steve Loney, who’s a hanger-on from the Linehan staff, seems an especially easy cut these days.

14. Signed players to the roster who would be actually useful given this team’s crying needs at other positions, as opposed to keeping the likes of Dominique Curry and Stephen Spach to do nothing on special teams or sit on the inactive list.

15. Waved healing crystals over Mark Clayton, if there are any left around from Georgia’s days with the team. The Rams need him pretty badly. BUT DO NOT RUSH HIM BACK, OR LET HIM TRY TO RUSH HIMSELF BACK. (See: Amendola, Danny.)

16. Remembered that necessity is the mother of invention. On defense, where the secondary is in tatters, I’ll be disappointed if Spagnuolo doesn’t roll out some funky schemes the rest of the season. Start something here. Show the NFL a defense that can make up for having no corners. No, I have no idea what that would be, but Spags is the one getting paid the big bucks. Make it happen.

17. Rented some freaking Halloween costumes for the freaking cheerleaders for the October 30th game. Don’t we suffering (male) fans at least deserve that much?

18. Burned the “Rams Rules” tape. Yes, I know it’s not actually a tape, just do it in spirit. New Rams Rule #1: a team that feels like it has to tell its fans how to cheer is stupid.