Mr. Beaks Broadsides PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES!

Fun fact: it's been nearly four years since Jerry Bruckheimer produced a bona-fide blockbuster for his corporate overlords at Disney. Keep this in mind should you succumb to the big-summer-movie seduction of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES. As you're paying premium prices to view this mega-budgeted monstrosity in the heightened format of your choosing, know that the primary service you're providing is one of getting a struggling hit-maker off the schneid. Bruckheimer is counting on your loyalty. He's hoping that the goodwill built up almost exclusively from THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL - as the last two movies have been routinely bad-mouthed by critics and fans alike (despite outgrossing the first installment) - will be all he needs to get in your pockets. As for making good on his part of the transaction and leaving you with a reasonably entertaining movie? Go fuck yourself.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES is the awe-deadening nadir of studio tentpole filmmaking, a soulless reconstitution of marketable elements in search of box office plunder. As a perversely unsatisfying moviegoing experience, it calls to mind BATMAN AND ROBIN - though to be fair to Joel Schumacher's franchise-killing debacle, PIRATES 4 lacks the conviction to be that memorably tacky. There is a stunning paucity of effort on display in this film; neither director Rob Marshall nor screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio - who've saved themselves the trouble of mapping out a completely original narrative by cannibalizing Tim Powers's well-regarded adventure novel, ON STRANGER TIDES - seem at all interested in captivating their paying customers. What could've been a divertingly madcap dash for the Fountain of Youth is instead a lethargic, backstory-laden tour through familiar (now in 3D!) tropical scenery. Perhaps the filmmakers were relying on their murderer's row of a cast to enliven the plodding narrative. If so... oops!

When Johnny Depp sauntered into the role of Captain Jack Sparrow eight years ago, it was well-earned playtime for an actor who'd admirably eschewed easy stardom for the opportunity to collaborate with visionary (i.e. non-mainstream) directors like Terry Gilliam, Jim Jarmusch and Sally Potter - and the unmitigated glee with which he threw himself into the swashbuckling role went a long way toward erasing the based-on-an-amusement-park stigma that had dogged the project since its inception. That rapscallion charm, which was still present in the exhausting DEAD MAN'S CHEST and the muddled AT WORLD'S END, has completely vanished in ON STRANGER TIDES. This is a classic cut-the-check gig, akin to the phoned-in horseshit Eddie Murphy's been foisting on us for the last decade (DREAMGIRLS excepted). Depp is so disengaged he can barely be bothered to maintain the boozy cadence of Sparrow's speech. Worse, as he's forced to engage in endless expository conversations, artlessly furthering the plot Elliott and Rossio couldn't be bothered to dramatize, his accent comes and goes - at which point the whole endeavor drops from listless to downright contemptuous.

In Depp's meager defense, it's unlikely a full-blooded Jack Sparrow performance would've masked the amateur-hour quality of Elliott & Rossio's screenplay. This is seriously rancid stuff. When they're not lazily filling up script pages with backstory detailing the quest for the Fountain of Youth like they're writing a radio play, they're dropping in thudding bon mots like, "I, for one, support the missionary's position." Which brings us to the missionary, a desperate Will Turner replacement named Philip (Sam Claflin), whose sole function within the narrative is to fall contrivedly in love with a comely mermaid (Astrid Berges-Frisbey) - thus giving easily-enamored young girls something to swoon over. Every minute spent with these star-crossed dullards is excruciating - save for the moment a badly-wounded Philip wanders away from the climactic, soundstage-bound battle into which far too many combatants have been crammed. True, it's a laughably ineffective attempt to get some parallel action going, but at least there's a competently-composed shot or two to be found.

Bad movies happen to great actors all the time, so it's not exactly shocking the extent to which Marshall has ill-utilized the likes of Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane, Richard Griffiths and Penelope Cruz. As the feuding Barbossa and Blackbeard, Rush and McShane at least recite their forgettable lines with professional gusto; Griffiths, on the other hand, goes regrettably over the top in his one awful scene as King George, which concludes with the most ineptly executed action sequence I've seen in some time (scored with unnecessary bombast by Hans Zimmer, who appears to be recycling cues from the previous PIRATES movies). And Ms. Cruz... one could take issue with her pronunciation struggles, but this dialogue deserves to be mangled, and she looks sensational mangling it.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES is an embarrassment on every level for Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer, but it's unlikely they'll be cowed when the opening weekend grosses come in next Saturday. And that's what's most frustrating about this film: it was a success the minute it was greenlit; all the key creatives had to do was show up, and that's precisely all they did! Ten minutes into ON STRANGER TIDES, anyone with an ounce of self-respect will remember why they should've abandoned this series four years ago, and bolt for the ticket window to demand their money back. That this movie is shorter than the mostly-maligned AT WORLD'S END only means it's a return to duration, not form; if brevity is that important to you, stay home and watch Richard Fleischer's masterfully economical THE NARROW MARGIN twice. Or stay home and watch nothing. I've got recordings of a beaten-down Redd Foxx working off his IRS debt in Vegas that evince more joy and vigor than this.

Or be lured by the siren song of Disney and Bruckheimer, and bear witness to the cinematic equivalent of Kenny G playing with his back to the audience. They'll be relieved to know that this is all it takes.

Critics panning of the last two installments of the series, Two was EASILY the best of the entire series thanks in no small part to Bill Nighy as Davie Jones. People are letting there love of the first cloud there judgement, if two was the first movie it would be a whole different ballgame.

These movies were all meant to be stupid. The name Disney (since Walt's death) has always been the mark of total and complete shit. They say "they're just children's films" but we know better. Don't feed my kids shit and tell them it's fruit loops.

I've seen it as well, I didn't hate it nearly as much as Beaks but by no means is this a good film. To me it was better than 2 or 3 but that's not saying much. I still think 1 is more iconic but in the end 4 is a Pirates film. If you like them then you'll like this one. If you don't get them then you won't really get this one either. The only thing they've improved is the simpler story and shorter running time (although it seems long at times).
I don't see much of Marshall's hand in here and it's missing that dark humor Verbinski brought to the series. It's way too rushed, shit just happens and you just have to roll with it, and the character development is almost non-existent. Depp is phoning it in, he does nothing new here. McShane is a complete waste, such a shame.
And the ending is lifted from The Last Crusade and not 1/100th as good! The whole Fountain of Youth could be cool but they make it pointless by the end, such a wasted opp.
I can say I did notice the 3D and liked that very much. They even throw in a few gags. But my advice to friends is to go see Thor again, much better than this Pirates. End this series now please.

And yes, these movies were meant to be dumb, but there's a difference between dumb and horrifyingly stupid and NOT entertaining at all, in fact, so filled with effects that it's like banging your head against the wall for three hours!!! Fuck the sequels, they ALL suck!! However, I can't say shit about the 4th one, I haven't scene it, and I won't either. I don't want to feather Bruckheimer's pockets any longer!!! Shiver me timbers!!!!!

what sort of films do talkbackers like? Harry wrote a review for malicks new film? and nobody seems to like that. nobody seems to like pirates of the carribean. nobody seems to like transformers movies? cant think of a single film that talbackers seem to like....

...would be considered a "rat hole" by Harry. Unless, of course, the theater or film in question is meant to be "nostalgic."
Unless, of course, there really is shit and rats on the floor of the theater in question. That would really suck.

If he had not made the rings trilogy so long then all summer films would be 1hr45mins tops. Not these bloated 2hr plus monstrosities.
Thes simply don't have enough plot to fill all that time ( unlike the rings trilogy).

Yea I said it! Tron 2 is aging incredibly well, and is a product of a pure balls. Just because this movie might suck doesn't discount the fact that Disny really tried to make Tron 2 great and I fucking love it. I really do. Especially in a certain frame of mind, the movie gets unbearably cool.
I will say that this reviewer is full of shit if he is downplaying the soundtrack to Pirates 4. Right there is a glaring big red flag.
Zimmer + Rodrigo y Gabriela is really inspired! Listen to it yourself. I am really enjoying it and looking forward to my drive home soon so I can listen to it more in full but so far it sounds fantastic. Its really different and beautiful. I hope it won't be the best thing about Pirates 4 but it most certainly is inspired work and deserves some respect. Disney and Zimmer took a chance and tried to do something different with the soundtrack. Its a great fusion.
The reviewer on the most basic level should stand corrected and respect the soundtrack. That is all I am saying.

They hang a kid within 5 mins of the Disney logo fading out in World's End.
Too many Kraken attacks? I always hear that complaint and never got it...you never even see the big K in the first one, and its all of a minute of screen time, and most of it is the dudes fighting over Jack's hat. So there are two other attacks where you actually see the thing, and thats a problem?
That's like saying they really overdid the whole "Reliant attacks the Enterprise" thing in Wrath of Khan. I just don't get it.

...and judge for myself. Critics LOATHED the last 2 and I loved them. Families will go out in droves at least once, possibly twice! KIDS LOVE Jack Sparrow!
The reality is, the 5th installment has already been green lit and this, as stated in the above, was a massive blockbuster the moment Disney announced it.
They just printed a Billion Dollars worldwide.

Looks like 13 Assassins will win most of us over.
I'd like to hear more about The Thing Prequel.
Most people here like to complain. I've done my fair share, however, if I like something, I mention it.
I enjoyed the Pirates films, they're not great cinema throughout, but there are lots of fun scenes, great action, and lots of monsters.
There was a time when talkbackers liked monsters. I miss those times.

God damn. I was 14 when I saw that in theatres the first time and it was the first time I ever cussed in front of my dad. I was so into that I just straight up went "Holy shit." Any other time, my dad would have been pissed, but he was too into it to care.

I was really, really hoping that throwing off the shackles of the sickening Turner/Swan love story would allow a new director to breathe new life into this amazing fictional universe. Let's face it, the pirate universe they created could be the backdrop for any number of amazing movies, if done right.
It really makes me sad that they can create such amazing fictional universes (Star Wars, Star Trek, Pirates, Aliens, etc) with tonnes and tonnes of potential for new and interesting stories, and yet they seem to fail every time their dip their toes in.
Is there any wonder fan fiction is such a big phenomenon when the pros can't get it right?

Those guys are either able to deliver relatively solid popcorn films like the first Zorro and Pirates film...and utter crap like Godzilla and anything beyond the first film of a series.
Do they actually READ their screenplays?
I don't know, after reading this review, if I should be manic or depressed.

Suck or not this thing will pad Disney's coffers and in return help my holding.
So while I'm sad, and upset they didn't give the fans and stockholders good bang for their bucks...as long as it turns a profit and entertains Ma and Pa Mid-America too the tune of 9 figures I can't shed too many tears.

She always likes to come back around every couple years to review these films..and though she hates them as well, she writes a pretty thorough analysis that's always a great read.
I'm gonna have to wait to read it though, all the damn pre-screenings are in 3-fucking-D, so I have to wait until it opens to see it normally. I gotta steer clear of these talkbacks for awhile I'm afraid.

She always likes to come back around every couple years to review these films..and though she hates them as well, she writes a pretty thorough analysis that's always a great read.
I'm gonna have to wait to read it though, all the damn pre-screenings are in 3-fucking-D, so I have to wait until it opens to see it normally. I gotta steer clear of these talkbacks for awhile I'm afraid.

I saw the movie last night. I understand the reasoning behind making another Pirates film. The first 3 were big money makers and Depp's Jack Sparrow was a household name. But just because the Sparrow character was everyone's favorite doesn't mean he's good enough to carry a whole movie by himself. What you get with Stranger Tides is a watered down Jack Sparrow with no Will Turner character to play off of. Orlando Bloom's Turner may not have been liked by many but he was a good foil for Jack Sparrow and the back and forth banter between the 2 male leads was for me fun to watch. Rob Marshall may have proven to be good at doing musicals but with a big budget swashbuckling pirate movie that requires massive visual effects, he is clearly out of his element and the characters were just dull for the most part. Depp is mailing it in while Geoffrey Rush looks visibly frustrated with how badly his character is wasted in this movie. The only thing I really liked is the mermaid killing sequence.

That damn thing was practically unwatchable! I freaking HATED that movie. And I figured at least with 2 of the characters I hated the most Will Turner and Elizabeth, I figured this would be good again. I love Depp's Jack Sparrow, he was GREAT in the first two and the only good thing about the third. I really hope Beaks isn't right on this one.

I see both sides of the Dead Man's Chest reactions. When I saw it in the theater for the first time, I enjoyed it to a degree yet also felt exhausted by how long it is, as well as by the many scenes that involved characters explaining things to each other to keep the movie's plot afloat. When it came out on DVD, I remember telling someone that hadn't seen it that it was okay...a mixed bag. We watched it together, and I was much more impressed by it the second time, and the person I watched it with seemed confused by my more-negative-than-positive warnings about it beforehand. So, I'm not sure if I'm willing to call the second movie a masterpiece by any means, but I do realize it gets the job done (well made entertainment) pretty well.

I agree the CD soundtrack is good but the soundtrack in the movie was uneven for me. Zimmer repeats the "He's a Pirate" theme ad nauseum but his new ethereal Mermaids theme isn't bad.
The Rod y Gab tracks are undoubtedly the best but they are barely in the film!! Pissed me off so much, I could pick them out twice and the mix wasn't up front, most notably the tango scene between Jack and Angelica.
Director/producers chose Zimmer's bombast over the Rod y Gab tracks for the film mix and I think it suffered for it. Of course, the whole film is bombast so it fits.
And McShane is in a good movie it's called 44 Inch Chest and he rocks in it!

Thank you for your thoughts on the music. I realize AICN has a writer that covers film music, but I wish talkbackers would discuss the music of films more often. Obviously if Daft Punk or Trent Reznor produces music for a film it will get discussed plenty, yet I wish more traditional movie scores would be discussed more by talkbackers.

the first one was good because it was a pleasant surprise. the two after that actually had expectations and failed to meet those. Long story short, the first one was above average and the 2nd and 3rd one were bad. I actually saw those in the theatre. This one I will not.

But I've been trying to get more into them lately, and Daft Punk, Hans Zimmer and Trent Reznor basics aside, I'm really enjoying the Akira score right now. Also, Patrick Doyle(think that's it?) did a good job with Thor.

I've been waiting for years for this film. I gathered all my illegitimate children together to meet them for the first time. I was going to surprise them with a midnight showing to Pirates 4 but now I just don't see the point now.
I think I'll skip out on them and take the ladyfriend to Bridesmaids. I'll send them some hot wheels to make up for it.

1) These movies are based on what is essentially a carnival ride. Bring on Ferris Wheel- The Movie!
2) Please don't blame the actors. If you got paid millions to vacation in a tropical paradise while doing basically nothing, you'd take that deal in a heartbeat. Blame should rest with the director and screenwriters according to this review.
3) Don't blame the people who go see this. Not everyone is intelligent. Most people aren't even conscious. Media overload (tv ads, print ads, web ads, Burger King wrappers) causes zombification in many individuals and they'll find themselves starring at the end credits of this film not knowing how they got there.
The truth is, we must deal with these issues and move forth. If you're a fan of this property I'd say you were lucky to get 1 good film. Asking for four awesome ones is just greedy. And if you're not a fan, maybe you should just skip the theatre and get drunk. That's what I'm up to this weekend. Fuck it.

Fuck, I hate it when people say that. We EXPECT the filmmakers & screenwriters to produce a product they truly care about because they initially fought and bled to become filmmakers to do just that.
What's the point of becoming a screenwriter if after you fight through rejection and heartbreak and finally make it to the top where you have the money and resources behind you to make a truly stellar picture, you drop the pen on the way down to your knees and beg a suit to stuff his dick in your mouth?

Because you sat through the previous 3 and you're compelled to sit through this one.
Cut the crap man and just admit it -
you ARE going to watch this.
As for Beaks and anybody else who naysays this movie
GET BENT. if you didn't wanna watch it or review it, then you really wouldnt have bought the ticket, eh?
NO SHIT.
GOOD OR BAD who gives a shit?
Same goes with Transformers 3 by this point...
I mean we're in the sequels area..what the fuck do you expect?

" I've got recordings of a beaten-down Redd Foxx working off his IRS debt in Vegas that evince more joy and vigor than this."
Shows how much you know...That recording means dick in compairosn to the fact that his ghost haunts his old house here in Vegas....lol...
Nevermind his stupid IRS problems - the man did not have a peaceful death.
Do you pull stuff out of your ass when your not taking a crap, regularly? It certainly seems so.
Why the FUCK would i bother to watch some movie on DVD or cable or whatnot than watch this?
Really! Why the fuck would I wanna listen to a review that just simply HATES for no other reason than to HATE and nothing more?
Look if you dont like Pirate movies, then dont watch it. if you dont liek Depp, then dont watch it....if you dont liek Zimmer doing the music, the dont fucking watch it.
But I know you all will....Because it's like the circus is coming to town....and we all wanna see the clowns and acrobats and elephants again, because our lives are just THAT DULL by comparison...

This is a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced series of adventure films based on a ride at a theme park. Look, I love pirate movies as much as the next 10-year-old, but when your genre is populated by films such as Pirates of Penzance, Hook, Ice Pirates, Captain Blood & a big budget porn movie it's not as if you're going up against the greatest movies ever made. These are not the films of Kubrick, Welles, Leone or Miyazaki. They are what they are: big budget action-adventure films.

well done, Beaks. well done. too often great movies get great reviews, and terrible movies get (understandably) half-assed reviews. usually it's along the lines of, "I can't be bothered to write an involved review because the movie was so bad, I don't want to relive it."
but if anything deserves a seriously pulitzer-worthy thrashing, it's the 4th installment of a once-great series, where everyone involved is just cashing their check and yawning.
seriously man, great fucking review.

And I've enjoyed every second of every clip released so far from this one. So, like At World's End before it, it would appear that On Stranger Tides is going to only go on to appease those that are fans of the series.<p>
And it is clear that Mr. Beaks is not.<p>
So... I call this review a wash? You didn't like 2 and 3, so why should I agree with your opinion on 4?

big, summer movies CAN be art. hell, the first POTC showed us that!
nothing makes me madder than people like you willfully lowering their expectations AND insulting anyone that dares to expect a little more.
you know what would be silly? a movie about a guy in a batsuit battling a clown for almost 3 hours. I mean, we shouldn't expect THAT to be art, should we?
I mean, jesus. just because you can turn off your brain, don' expect others to happily do the same.
and not for nothing, kiddo, but you should look up "self-important" in the dictionary. it's not self-important to write a negative review of a film you didn't like. not any more than any review is, by nature, somewhat self-important.

... Beaks shallowly attacks the dialog without even venturing a poke at the writer's contributions to the structure of this film's story, which is actually quite good. Far be it for me to want to read something that actually required thought to write rather than just vitriolic bitching.

(emphasis on the "somewhat") but I know some guys on this site that have mentioned that they aren't coming back solely because of how trigger happy the guys that pull the ban gun have been over the last few months.
D. VADER
NEVER FORGET

I was hoping this film might have learned from the excesses of the excruciating third movie and dialed it down a bit, but all this talk about "backstory" and "exposition" makes the hair on the back of my neck rise. Godammit, can't they make even ONE good sequel to the original?! I'll take the unfairly maligned Zorro sequel over any of these shitty POTC sequels. At least THAT movie was fun.

Sadly Beaks perfectly illustrates this, and should be kept away from the keyboard.
2 just needs more Barbossa. 3 just gets better the more you absorb.
Dunno about this one, I really hate that Cruz dude.

Hey there not academy award winning films in any way shape or form, and 2 and 3 were so filled with backstabbing and so many plot elements ive seen them quite a few times now and its still hard for me to keep up with whats going on, but to say these films are pure shit, crap, anyone who likes them is a moron, etc is just ignorance and hate for no reason what so ever. Just mindless internet haters and trolls bitching and moaning on and on and on and on with no real reason or purpose other then to fill time.
I view this film series kinda like the old planet of the apes movies. first one was the best, the others, not so much but they kept the adventure and story going, plus they made money.
Anyone going into the 4th film of a franchise expecting something fresh and new is an idiot. If your bringing back characters, and still in the world establised in more then 2 films before it, your writing options are kinda limited.
You risk too big of a change, you can kill your movie dead in the water, not to much of a change, your rehashing old stick so you got to find the right balance.
Pirates 4 to me, is simply the next chapter in the story! Have yet to see it, being how its only tuesday and all but im greatly looking foward to it!
If it sucks it sucks, but at this point i dont see how it will.

Cmon....get your head out of your ASS..
Its a pirate flick...
This series has ALWAYS had parallels wth both Star Wars AND the Indy Jones series....
If it "rips" off of it, so fucking what? The fact that you say it RIPS off of something suggests you really dont like the trilogy to begin with.
And besides, What OTHER kind of ending would you expect for the Fountain of Youth anyway? You expect this legendary red herring to become something static for all to exploit?
Screw that! Of course theyre gonna lose it by the movie's end....Thats how it works...Jack ain't SUPPOSED to find what he's looking for. That's the CATCH.
dumb ass.

I understand some of the criticism of the 2nd and 3rd as they are a bit long, but people should give them another chance as they get better with multiple viewings. AWE is not a cluttered mess and only features the logical conclusions to the archs set up in DMC: save Jack, Elizabeth's redemption, thwart Davie Jones, save Bootleg Bill Turner from his damnation, marry Will & Elizabeth, defeat the evil trading corporation. All logically follow from DMC. I think it's the best supernatural action adventure series since the Indiana Jones series, which also has its critics of particular installments.

This absolutely reeks of a petty 'revenge write up'. I take it AICN got snubbed by the Pirates crew and wasn't included for 'extra special treatment' this time around...
But you know what? Personally I'll take even a lesser pirates movie over one of those steaming Transformers turds that AICN likes to pimp so hard.

And I loved that film along with the rest so whatever. I'll take a Pirates film over garabage like Tron and Avatar any day of the week. And Beaks...why the fuck would you even watch this flick if you hated the last two entries in the series?

Sad what's happened to movie making in Hollywood, really sad. Now it's all about the FLUFF, the CGI and the 3-D. They don't have to give us an entertaining story or good acting anymore to get people to go waste their money, so they don't even bother to try. Hell, even musical scores are a complete JOKE now. Nobody makes one that's memorable anymore like what John Williams used to create.
But hey, forget me. this 'glorious' 4th installment of an already DEAD franchise is in 3-D, so go see it!!!!!! That's supposed to be enough to make it totally awesome!!

Making a ton of money doesn't necessarily mean a movie is great. There are mindless droves of people who go see crap every week in our society because they don't know any better. So stop correlating what a movie makes at the box office with how good or bad it is.

I might check it out and see how horribly crappy it is...True ? is..Is Depp coming back to do another one? he's holding off for now, It's Disney as long they can make a billion dollars of this from toys, candy,toddler cups,bed sheets, pajamas etc..It won't stop them..unless Johnny says no. But who knows?

Learn to read between the lines, that's usually where the truth lies. If you don't think there's more going on with AICN's sudden anti-pirates stance, while the self same site praises Transformers wildly, well, you're even dumber than I took you for.

I had seen POTC4 a few days ago at an advance screening. There's NOTHING fresh and new to be excited for. Everything you seen in the previous films are only reguritated into this new film, for the one and only purpose of Disney digging into your pockets to fish for whatever buck they can manage.
I am not a heartless critic, I enjoyed the movie for what it was; a cheap thrill to piss away the weekend. Kinda like a prostitute, you just wanna go in, get what you want, leave and go about your buisness. If you go to see this movie, you already know what to expect if you've seen the previous movies. It's predictable thrills, a half-assed swashbuckling adventure that wants you to turn off your brain so you won't notice them separating you from your hard-earned cash.
3 out of 5 stars. Good for one viewing, only because I "was" a fan of the first two movies when I was younger.

I really enjoyed the first two Pirates movies. Thought they were both well made and had some very creative sequences. Felt like early Spielberg like Films back in the day.
The 3rd Pirates was bad. So much of the great stuff they set up in DEAD MAN'S CHEST - they shit on in AT WORLD'S END (Kraken/Davy Jones). DEAD MAN'S CHEST was a bit like the EMPIRE of the series the way it ended. And I was okay with that.
But hearing all of this negativity towards the latest PIRATES has me worried. I think Gore Verbinski was a HUGE reason the first two Pirates were so good. And I fathom the 3rd one was bad because the studio pushed hard for two movies, and Gore was burnt toast at that point.
I've never actually thought Rob Marshall was that great a director. Sounds like a frustrating movie. Lots of great talent wasted on what should have been a great comeback for Jack Sparrow. SIGH

I cringe whenever people talk shit about it. Unlike all these shitty fucking follow ups to badass movies getting wattered down and going from R to PG13 Robocop 2 just went all "Fuck it." It is crazy. ITs got crazy balls. Weller is the greatest in R2. His robotic movements, acting... the greatest. The badguy is crazy and the nuke shit is classic. The little fucking maniac. The Robo..
fuck it the movie has so many good parts and is clever and almost as brilliantly satirical as the first (seriously watch it open minded again and it may surprise you. I don't know, the commercials and the Robo prototypes crack me up). I think it respects the first so much and really tried to carry on the fun and balls of the first. I wish geek movies today took as many chances. Sometimes I think people hate on the very things they think most people do. Like because its the popular opinion. Nuke.

All that unnecessary bile spewed @ Bruckheimer (who's given us some of the best blockbusters of the past 3 decades); yet, hardly one word is directed @ the true culprit: Rob Marshall. The man is an awful director. Everything he touches turns to sh*t (yes, especially, Chicago).

When I go to movies I want to have FUN.
I want to ESCAPE.
My life as an Upper-Middle-Class white American male is incredibly stressful. I am met with so many hardships everyday; getting up in the morning, getting dressed, having to fix my own breakfast, driving to work in my car, having a job that I have to be at, being at my job, getting the good place in the lounge to eat my lunch, not getting the good place in the lounge to eat my lunch ...the list is never ending.
My biggest problem right now is one that I think all of us have: money. The Recession has really hit me hard. I can't buy the thousand dollar 3-D HD Flat-Screen television that I really want. Or get those new Playstation video games that are coming out soon. I can barely afford to fill up my SUV that I drive for ten minutes to work.
I NEED the relax time that paying fifteen dollars for an adult imax Real-D movie ticket, five dollars for a medium Coke, six dollars for a medium popcorn, and sitting for twenty minutes watching commercials gives me.
Because I LOVE movies.
And no stuck up, elitist asshole is going to tell me I can't do something.
Jerry Bruckhiemer and Disney have families to support. Do you have any idea how many low-paying, non-fixed hours, no insurance jobs this movie created for people? And the money is going to support the Disney Corporation. You know, the guys who created BAMBI??
But, I guess BAMBI is too "low-brow" for you.
I guess only us white collar employed suburbanites would be able to enjoy BAMBI.
So, I don't know about you Mr. Beeks, but I'll take BAMBI.
Fuck you.

Black Pearl was a fun movie and a nice performance by Depp. Dead Man's Chest was overlong, incomprehendible and rambling. Didn't see At World's End in spite of the promise of Mr Richards, and will give this one a miss. Knocking one out at a shemale site is more tempting than the mediocrity that the POTC movies have become.

I've quoted the bit comparing it negatively to Batman And Robin as my FB status. Oddly enough I was talking to my brother last night just how awful that film was. To think I would live to see a film that's worse than that fetid turd... except thanks to Beaks I will not be seeing it.

and leave the movies to the fans.
I go for the whole package, and in my 37 years of watching movies, I have found that most critics are too fucking stuck up to have fun... stop looking for academy awards in popcorn flicks..asshole.

While the consensus seems to be relief that a bad movie finally got a bad review on AICN I would just like to point out, in this moment of triumph, that when we are talking about piss poor film analysis and apologies on AICN we are talking about a problem epitomized by the horrid taste of Massawyrm. It's honestly as if your ex frat guy idiot uncle happened to be friends with the creator of the most widely discussed geek site on the internet who let the guy talk about films because he has nothing better to do on a friday night and he wont have to pay him much. If there is one person leading the charge of willfully negligent idiocy around here, it's him, and he should seriously be marginalized. Ah well, I can dream can't I?

You can't ignor that the 3rd film made pretty much the same money as second, except for in America, where it had a bif drop. (Tha's as likely to be because Americans are still prett Fantasy shy (Take Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings away and there's a ton of films that did ok / poor in the states and great everywhere else, like the Golden Compass)
The dvd / Blu-ray sales are massive for both 2 & 3 and much bigger than for the firs.
Yes SOME people didn't like them and they're very, very LOUD about it, but most people liked them just fine and there's plenty of evidence confirming as much.
(Compare that to Matrix 2 and Matrix 3 where the 3rd filmm dropped massively in opening weekend and final grosses from the second.
None of that has anything to with how good any of those films are, but the myth is getting really old and really annoying

First movie very solid. Orlando Bloom irritating. Second movie just as good, better creatures and stuff, but too much story. Third movie, hard to watch due to too much exposition and too many things going on as well as weak internal logic and retarded shit like Orlando Bloom getting married in the middle of the climactic battle.

I'm sorry, I can totally respect the opinion of people who enjoyed and more power to them.
But for me they were overblown FX mindless drivel and totally in love with it's own mythology.
Seriously what were those movies about anyway? I can't even remember. There were so many random things thrown around in that film that I've forgotten what the main plot was about.

I will ask this over and over until people get it through their stupid fucking heads.
WHY does a popcorn flick have to mean "stupid fun"??
And why in the FUCK does every single person use "It's a popcorn flick, it shouldn't be Shakespeare" when defending bad movies?
A popcorn flick doesn't have to be stupid, it doesn't have to have bad writing, it doesn't have to mean "check your brain at the door and you will enjoy it". It should mean "It's a big, fun, well thought out summer film".
And d.vader, really, FANBOYS should be used when describing the ravenous fans of a particular film who adore it, not those of us intelligent enough to realize that part 2 and 3 of this series were dreck.
Part 1 was an extreme amount of fun, part 2 and 3 were bloated and drawn out.

What in the fuck is "pretenses" you ignorant tard?
Did you mean "pretentious"?
And I love the mouthbreathers who use THAT line as some sort of defence for popcorn flicks, good or bad.
While I haven't seen the film yet, the movie does have Penelope Cruz and she is a death knell for me. Her voice is like a knife in my neck so it will be hard to drag my ass to see this movie...

...just got back from seeing it and i'm going again in an hour.
Yes i'm a pirates fool BUT, Rob Marshall has imbibed the franchise with a whole new realism that i don't think Beaks understands. Depp has to carry the film this time instead of being just the comic relief and instead of looking lazy and phoned in the performance looks more grounded in reality like you are watching real people talk instead of just some fantasy characters in an alternate universe.
i liked the love story characters as well. it was perfect that they were just in the background instead of being hammy in the foreground like keira and bloom did for 3 films.
not perfect, but a brave new direction for the franchise. self contained and concise. loved it. can't wait for 5.

I didn't see any of the originals in the theatre, but once I finally got around to watching on DVD - I was completely hook-ed.
I will definitely be seeing it this weekend and I no doubt won't be as ha-arrrsh as some.
However, I will fully acknowledge that Dead Man's Chest did suffer from being a bridge between 1 and 3. And At World's End did meander midway. Personally, as a writer, my only main issue had always been 'How did Barbossa come back to life?'
The only answer I could come up with was at the end of Black Pearl when Jack the monkey pulls a coin of the chest and hops down to Barbossa that perhaps he was still barely alive and the coin re-cursed him and brought him back. Oh well, its a plot hole the size of a long-nine cannonball, but most folks let it go.

I'm kind of floored. Not that I expected the movie to be great (I hoped for fun, at least, on the level of PRINCE OF PERSIA, which was fun enough), but... eesh. This review makes me feel sorry for the film.
Reviews are split, skewing low, and 'phoned-in' seems to be the consensus, even from those who still got a kick out of it. It's a shame. I honestly think the franchise doesn't have to die this way.
I feel sad now.

... over the second two are championing timidity over bombast, laziness over excess, and mediocrity over ambition. The only fun to be had in the first film is the surprise of Depp's performance and the pleasure of seeing what amounts to zombies in a kiddie film. Otherwise, it's barely any better than standard live-action Disney films. It served as a springboard into two films that taken as a whole are quite an entertaining mess of piratey craziness.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pretenses
By that definition, which is what I was using, your statement still reads as retarded. I've had a few people read it, and it reads wrong.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pretentious
Whatever.

of the Pirate films. Amazing villain, great ending, epic and adventurous all the way through.
The first pirates is great, don't get me wrong, but the sequel bested it in every way imaginable.
I like the third as a closer to the trilogy but it is terribly convoluted and nearly loses it's way several times. The worlds end scenes are worth admission though, crazy shit.

Chekc out the real historical stuff about piracy in the Americas in the 16th to 18th century, and it's fascinating stuff. They actually had a sort of democratic system to them, and somebody was elected to captain due to merit or a very good electorial campaign (as true then as today). They evne invented a sort of social security system which gave extra payments if you were injured and mutilated on the mission, like indemnities. They even had specific monetary quantities for specific mutilations, depending on how bad they were and which bodly part was mutilated.
And most pirates were actually farmers. Whenever a farmer fell on hard times, they took to piracy for added income. In this regard, they were pretty much like the vikings of old.
And there wa far more women pirates in the business then most would think. The idea of lady pirates is not fancies of fantasy, they really existed, and they could be as feared as the guys. Piracy actually provided a sort of equal oportunities for the ladies back then.

AICN and MrBeaks can now affort to speak bad of Bruckheimer and his shitty movies because they are now getting payed from another sourse, from JJ Abrams. Their income is secured. They can now afford the luxery of pissing on Bruckheimer, which they should had done since day one if they hadn't sold out to him so many years ago.

Ex: The new Spiderman being made now for some reason.
Starring Kim and that other wookie fatass sister Kardshian as the Pearls anchors.
Hip and Awesome. E! channel will be all over it.
"Oh we really loved the script" says Kim. Drunk with a black eye from her mothers tantrums.

I loved the first film. Detested the second and third. How will this be different? Easy. It'll be worse. AND in crappy fake 3D for 35% more money. Somehow I think I will not be paying to see this turd.

choppah forgives you.
Choppah holds a dear place for ALL Pre-90s Disney live-action works in his heart.
And occasionally during sex, I like to hum the Disney Afternoon theme songs right before I come. It depends what mood I'm in, it can be a TailSpin day or Ducktales or even Gummi Bears. But when i hatefuck, i always finish up with Darkwing Duck.
Always.

It's a sad day when you are watching a movie and you are thinking, "What this movie needs is more Orlando Bloom..." It doesn't, yet when you see his replacement, it becomes clear that this script clearly wasn't ready to go before the cameras...
It starts off ok, with fun, though spurious introductions to the characters in London, then the whole thing loses it's way, breathlessly proceeding from meaningless set piece to meaningless set piece. McShane is wasted, Rush is shoehorned into his role just so they can keep him around, Cruz is just kind of there and lacks chemistry with Depp, and Depp is as always.
Some good ideas, and the occasional funny moment, It's nowhere near as horrible as some people have been making but there's no real reason to recommend it.

Made for TV with Christian Bale as Jim Hawkins and Charlton Heston as LJS. Heston may not be the definitive Silver here, but a fine supporting cast and faithful adapation elevates the whole production. Oliver Reed as Billy Bones is pure delight. Music by the Chieftains. Check it out.

With no Verbinski onboard he should have told Disney to fuck themselves. As soon as Rob Marshall was announced as his replacement I knew it would suck donkey dick. They also SHOULD have fired the screenwriters after they proved they could NOT write with At World's End. You can visibly see the point where they didn't even realise what their story was or what page they were on. It's a real shame as this definitely had the potential to be an amazing movie, especially based on Tim Powers' On Stranger Tides novel!! *sigh*

The 1990 TREASURE ISLAND movie, of course! I saw it when it was released in the theaters back then. If i'm not mistaken, Heston's son was the director. Yeah, it's a damn good fun movie. Great score by the Chieftains. And young Mr Bale holds his own next to legends like Heston and Christopher Lee and many other big time acting legends.
Thank you for reminding me of TRESURE ISLAND. Damn good movie. But i doubt the movie would actually pass all the realistic pirate movie stipulations i wished for. Still, loads of fun.

Arnold Schwarzenegger split from his wife after he discovered she had fathered a child over 10 years ago with a member of their household staff. That would be me, the butler.
Maria Shriver - who was married to the ‘Terminator’ actor for 25 years and has four children, Katherine, 21, Christina, 19, Patrick, 17, and Christopher, 13, with him – moved out of the family’s Los Angeles mansion earlier this year after she admitted to giving birth to the child over 10 years ago.

Love those ideas for a "realistic" Pirate movie.
Elections.
Fiscal systems.
Could be a fool proof cure for insomnia.
Not that the POTC movies are anything great (first one rocked, the other two, ehhhh not so much) But seriously....reality based Pirates?
That's what the History channel is for dude.

I have seen 2 reviews stating its not as good as the other three but still worth going to see. Not nearly as bad as what this reviewer thinks.
They must have gotten dissed by disney.
PS this site has written glowing reviews for movies that I thought have been horrible

....and i enjoyed it more the second time. this film is actually more realistic than the other 3.
the 3d was not great though. saw it in 2d this morning and then 3d this evening, and it seems like about half the shots in the film didn't have any 3d at all. i took my glasses off in a few places and it wasn't even blurred.

Not sure if you're serious about that part of Pirate Latitudes, but I know you're not the type to mess around, so I have to assume you are not kidding about the Kraken. I could scream SPOILER ALERT since I haven't gotten there yet but I'm not a whiner so I won't make much of it. I will say that I'm disappointed to hear it though.
I feel that the first few sections of the book have done a good job fleshing out some flawed characters and providing enough detail to make the imagery come to life pretty well. Sounds like that may go down the tube though. Ah well. I shall reserve judgment.

I did not expect his novel to make it unscathed to the screen, but I was hoping it might provide some life to the series, instead someone has worked a cool story into studio tripe. I think I will pass on Pirate Menudo.

Who says a realistic pirate movie couldn't kick ass? Of course it could. no, the movie would not be about elections and such, but it would be included to give a flavour of how things were.
Of course a realistic pirates movie would kick ass. Thinking otherwise just shows an incredible lack of imagination.

I am of the opinion then if a book or movie has been out long enough, it is foolish to get riled up about spoilers. I could have read that at anytime about the book, for as you said, the reviews all mention it.
If disappointed enough in the book, perhaps I will cave to your self-proclaimed product placement and check out your work. As a nondouchbaggy English major, I'm always willing to check out new/amateur stuff like that (not making a comment on the quality).

I was going to send in a review but I wasn't sure who to send it to so I'll post some brief thoughts here.
On Stranger Tides wasn't good. I really liked the first film and had the same problems with its first two sequels as many others (a convoluted plot, terribly paced etc). But this latest installment is stale. That's the only word that comes close to adequately describing my feelings on the matter.
Depp was clearly phoning it in, the plot was boring and filled with inconsequential characters that had little stories that I supposed I was meant to care about but they were so underdeveloped they became nothing but meaningless filler. This was a paint by numbers Pirates of the Caribbean film without any of the fun or adventure of the first film and to a lesser extent the second and third.
It actually feels like there was 30 minutes cut out of the film. The film essentially revolves around a race between the Spanish, the English and the pirates to the Fountain of Youth. The Spanish hardly feature and are reduced to near faceless enemies whose motives are not revealed until the end and because we never get a sense of what kind of people they are, the motives feel hollow and totally underdeveloped.
It's no secret that Barbossa returns for this film. His own mission is one that again, we are supposed to care about but an important event revolving around him actually occurs before the movie even begins. It's an important detail that we are told about rather than being shown. That's a major problem of the film. The old film making rule of show, don't tell has been reversed. Exposition has long been a part of the series but it has never been delivered in such a boring and uninspired way.
Blackbeard also has a role in the film of course. He's set up as the villain but like Barbossa, many of his important characteristics needed for the plot are forged long before the timeline of the movie. He is an inept villain. McShane does what he can but he seems as bored in his first Pirates film as Depps seems in his fourth.
A part of me wonders if the budget was actually cut for this film. The reason is because for a film about pirates on the high seas it is seriously lacking in one element - a ship to ship battle. There are none in the entire film. One scene offers the opportunity but nothing happens. Of course the first three films had plenty of ship to ship battles but with the rest of the film being so dull, such a battle would have been a welcome sight even if we've seen different permutations of such battles in previous films.
Ultimately this film is forgettable and doesn't come close to approaching the sheer fun swashbuckling fantasy of the first film. It's boring. Dull. Limp. Impotent. It's bereft of life. It's ceased to be. This is an ex-Pirate...um..film.

i watched "Pirates 4" last night and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, i found it to be exactly what it is, a fun ride.
Mr Beaks is a angry old cock, and i dont know what he was expecting from a movie based on a Disneyland ride? The so called people who run this site are way to full of themselves, I personally am sick of hearing about fatboys medical problems for a start and the fact "Batman and Robin " was compared to the new "Pirates" goes to show the depth these reviewers have.
I mean these guys actually rate the garbage that was "Fast 5" for christs sake.

Have never read On Stranger Tides but it's definitely on my list after all of the mentions among this thread.
Just read that first chapter and it kept my interest. Always intriguing to read a woman's story coming from a male's perspective. Based on the events laid out and the cover, is it safe to assume that it plays out as a revenge tale?
Also, not to get all Grammar Police but after workshopping a million stories, I feel it's only my duty to point out the line, "They pair of them watched the ship for an hour, until at last the sun began to set." Not sure if it just got mistaken in the translation but I figured I'd throw it out there. Cheers!

That was worth reading this entire review.
I would've preferred the Barbossa-protagonist prequel in which there's a mutiny against Capt Jack. Honestly, that's one prequel I'd actually be interested in seeing. This looks phoned-in just from the trailers.
Why wasn't Verbinski involved at all? He at least helped to craft the near-epic story of the last 2 movies, which don't deserve so much hate. The Jack Sparrow in limbo scene was awesome and Naomie Harris was worth watching as well. Also the pirate fellowship was kinda cool...and Gareth's eye being a plot device...and Davy Jones...man there were some good ideas in there. Those movies were just too fucking bloated for their own good. But I'd never say they were horrible.

Could not take one more howling Hans Zimmer choir, one more bit of Depp mumbling doing his 'character' after the last one..Even the presence of finer actor has not helped, these movies are idiotic and fail to bring back the classic high seas adventure of the 50's films

Thought it might be shit, but I was hoping for something at least palatable. Unfortunately, Hollywood has even got the shit-flavoring machines set to "as shit as possible."
Still, audiences eat 'em up out of Depp's asshole, as sure as they will from Bay's moon crack later this summer

I will be way the fuck cool with it. I dug how they went to flashback scenes that looked trippy as fuck. Like when they showed what went down with Clu turning and Tron protecting Flynn. The look was awesome. I loved that! I am guessing they aren't going to cut to any flashback scenes.
I read the Pirates 4 review from Drew on his site and the dude compared this exposition stuff in Pirates 4 with Tron 2. WTF?! I am done with that dude forever. His opinions will forever mean shit to me.
On another note if Arnold wants to do some serious damage control then he needs to do King Conan fucking STAT! All this douchery will be forgiven.

Got to watch it earlier tonight in advance, and it was meh. Definitely better than the 3rd, which is what everyone is going to tell you. Could have done without the missionary/mermaid love storyline. That could have cut 20 minutes out of the film. All in all, the series is getting stale, basically just rehashing everything from the previous movies, especially the jokes. Entertaining, but nothing incredible.

A pirates movie without a sea battle? specialy one which has Blackbeard as the villain? Hell, Blackbeard was famous because of his involvementin quite a few sea battles, he even died in one. Weird, man, just weird.

Which comes as a suprise even to me, considering the soul-sucking nazgul who produces this movies. There's stuff in the sequels i enjoyed and liked. But as many have said before, it's over-blown, it's over-long (i rarely, ever accuse a movie of this, so it has to mean something), and it just has too much plot but not so much story. The Pirates movies, and evne the first, suffer from this very common today's blockbuster desease, they are so chocked-full of shit happening, but almost none is of real importance to the story.
Basically, the sequels allowed the special efects to tell the story instead of the script.

"Not a fan of Bruckheimer either, but with the Pirates movies he seems to let far more talented people do the work"
I feel the same way. Maybe Gore Verbinski is n hard-ass director who doens't suffer fools gladly and mannaged to out-maneuver Bruckheimer and his usual tendency to put his ugly pawns on all the movies he produces.
One thing i liked about the 3rd Pirates movie was the rsolution of the love story between Elisabeth and Will. They could had gone all sappy happy ending, but instead they gave it a bittersweet feel to it. I liked that. It's one of thethings the movie did right.
Yeah, the quality of the SFX and the sets in the Pirates movies are beyond reproach. I still find it hard to believe that Davy Jones is a full rendered CGI character (with an invisible Bill Nightly under it). But stil there's this feeling of them being over-busy, of being over-designed. Usually, i love movies, specially dfantasy or historical type movies to have this type of barroque set design (and the Pirates movies do happen during the barroque epoch, so it's apt). Still, the movie fells like the art department went wild while the script department took a vacation and never returned.
One thing that upsetted me about the sequels was that what was once likable characters became sons of bitches. That's not character development, it's more like ass-pull. And then in the 3rd movie we get to see this weird ass constant backstabbing from EVERY CHARACTER in the movie, which just gets anoying like hell.
Sometimes i wonder if both the sequels movies story couldn't had been told with just one movie. To quote from The Fellowship Of The Ring, it's like too little butter spreaded too thin over too much bread.

And yet your entire being is devoted to hating the shit out of JJ Abrams, a director who actually - despite a couple of shit films have consistently deliver far more entertaining films that the entire pirate 'franchise' (let's face it, that's ALL it is)..
You're not just self important, you're an inconsistent fuckwit.
Please bore the shit out of everyone at length justifying your rank hypocrisy.

Saw it about a week ago at an advance screening, and while it's not as energetic as any of Gore Verbinski's work, it's also not the floundering mess that both Beaks and Drew over on HitFix seem to have thought it was. Much more on track with the vibe of the original film, and stripped clean of all the unnecessary and redundant plotlines and backstories that weighed down the sequels. Plus, the mermaid attack is fucking awesome.

1st is mediocre, mostly due to Bloom and Knightley being too young and unable to act. 2nd is even cheaper. 3rd has best music, effects and story (yes, it's messed up, but who cares). In terms of how much I enjoyed the movies, 3rd is really great.

Editing is a bitch, and usually the absolute hardest and worst part about writing. But don't worry, I won't overcharge you for that catch (ha).
I like the idea of the different perspectives. I should have picked up on that from the chapter title. Personally, I usually write short-fiction but I've used that format several times and find it quite enjoyable.

Looks just like him, down to the jutting jaw and gappy front teeth. It's like Meet the Fookers when Ben Stiller sees that kid that looks just like him - except it isn't - but in this case IT IS!!! Ha-Ha. The spermenator!

The soundtrack was very good. as a matter of fact it seemed like the soundtrack for a much better movie. I was bored to tears. Nothing i haven't seen before, nothing memorable , it just felt like a collection of extra scenes from Pirates 1-3

I dunno if any of you are aware, but the title is based on the Tim Powers fantasy novel. One of the best writers of the twentieth century. Vastly better than a hack like George Martin. Vastly.
Having his work savaged to produce this shit fills me with a real sadness.

"JJ Abrams, a director who actually - despite a couple of shit films have consistently deliver far more entertaining films that the entire pirate 'franchise'"
That statement is so full of wrong it's beyond belief. JJ Abrams couldn't make a movie 1/10th as fun or good as the worst Pirates movie. And those are flawed movies to begin with.

He will not. and you know why? Becasue JJ Abrams is not a filmmaker at heart. At heart's he's a studio executive who was able to get directing gig. All his movies reflect thaty perfectly, they are movie made from the point of view of a studio executive. As such, he must be a dream for the studios, since he's just one of them. But it makes him a terrible filmmaker. The trick he pulls, constantly, is that he surrounds himself wth talented people. But even then his lack of filmmaking talent shows. He's hopeless. All he has in his favour is his great skill as a salesman.

I also caught the second one in theaters, but was so let down by most of it that I didn't bother to even watch At World's End until I came across it some late night on HBO.
This just seems like more of the same. Lots of bombast, Depp's sashaying and not much else.
Well, Penelope Cruz IS in this one. There's that at least.

I'm not sure I can be considered a "writer," at least not in the same way as yourself (I have nothing published, outside of the college newspaper back in the day). But I majored in Creative Writing and have certainly written my fair share of works (all of them relatively short). Mostly realistic fiction.
The character perspective certainly offers a lot of options, which can be tough to choose from when you wrap everything up. Do you find yourself choosing based on what you think would interest the reader most or rather what fits the format best? Or maybe just what feels right? It's both the beauty and the difficulty of writing.

The Pirate movies are light-weight, try-hard silly brainless fluff...
Your problem is Abrams Star Trek doesn't come up to YOUR dick faddling, self importan,t fatuous idea of how intellectual Star Trek 'should 'be..
Your so blinded you can't even appreciate the difference, you'll pretend a McDonalds meal is still healthier than fresh food because you're such a wanker you don't like the garnish.
It makes you a complete fool.

I loved it. Adored it. Ate up every second of it. It pandered very much to those of us that actually thoroughly enjoy this universe and the movies that preceded it.<p>
If you are a fan of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, you will watch this and hope for another. If you aren't, well... you won't. Simple as that.