considering reapplying to vol department

So long story, short: I was 5 months into my probation as an emt on a volunteer department when I quit about 3 years ago. At the time I had tons of personal crap going on. Had just moved in with someone who would get "sick" on crew nights, and beg me to take care of her (pssh - my bad decisions) - nixed her, now engaged to a fully supportive fiance who is encouraging me in this. No job at the time, so therefore money issues - now going on my 3rd year with my company. I got hired right before quiting, which messed up my schedule a great deal. Found out several months after quiting that I have a medical condition where if untreated I get loopy, less alert. The fast pace of things happening on calls, blew past me and I felt completely inadequate. During a training night where we had to run codes, I was off in a whole another land. I should have known that it was a medical issue but it was a progressive thing where my thyroid levels were out of whack, climaxing with getting in a car accident. Fun stuff. I regulate my levels now with a gluten-free diet, and medication when needed.

I guess this was a short story, long. Basically, my life hit the s*** fan. Not trying to make excuses, just attempting to be thorough.

Before quitting I got pretty flaky, skipping out nights trainings and an event. Also, I resigned via email to never be heard from again. The chief sent me an email asking me to reconsider but I never responded. Pretty bad, I know - I still regret these things.

I guess my question is this...

Would it be a waste of time to reapply? According to an administrator, I am eligible to apply - however, I don't want to waste their time. I've considered emailing the chief to ask candidly if I would be seriously considered but I just don't know if it would be absolutely ridiculous to try.

I miss answering the calls. Back then I was interested in it as a career, but right now mostly interested in spending my free time doing something for the community.

First question: Are all the medical issues dealt with and in check?
Second question: Have you sat down face to face with the chief, explained all this and asked him what he thinks about your coming back?
Third question: Can you get past the past and move on without having to relive it a million times?

If yes, yes, and yes, then apply. If not I believe you still have issues to deal with.

First thing you need to do is to have a heart-to-heart with yourself. Do you really want this? Will you commit fully? Will you follow through?

Then I would first have a heart-to-heart with your "fully supportive" fiancee. Does she really understand the time commitment involved here? Does she really understand the fact that you could be called out at any given moment- from anywhere from the dinner table to your bed in the middle of the night? Trainings nights. Training weekends. Everything else in between. Does she really understand? How about wedding planning- I know many brides-to-be become Bridezillas and god forbid you allow anything to come in between them and their wedding planning and the wedding itself. Do you maybe want to wait until after the wedding???

And finally, contact your physician. Discuss it over with him. Make sure he understands the physical requirements involved. Would he endorse your application and participation? If I were the chief of the organization and I knew about your medical condition, I would insist on obtaining a letter clearing you medically to participate.

Then I would consider contacting the Chief and/or President of the organization and discussing re-application.

Both prior posts are spot on I will only add that in many ways a good dept can be a incredible support network. You put forth the effort and the dedication you will become part of that network which will go to incredible lengths to take care and help each other. If you had as many issues as you say I'm a little suprised you didn't get pulled aside for a friendly talk, that said they did try and contact you when you quit, they likely haven't given up on you. It is on you, think it through and if you decide to do it polish your shoes and go ask the Chief for another chance. He may ask some some tough questions, be honest with him and yourself.

First, emails suck, step up and talk to him first then if he is good (as everyone else has already said).

Next, you can apologize for the way it went down but do not apologize for the situation you were in. Life can be crappy sometimes and hopefully he knows that.

Next, speaking as someone that has medical conditions himself, do not hide your conditions. They need to know. They cannot have your back if they do not know what could be going on with you.

I think what you did was the right thing, taking care of yourself first. But the way you did it was not perfect.

I will just go back to my original point, emails are never good in things like this. One on one is always better because if you really want to be on the FD then stepping up and talking shows it more. If I had someone that emailed me and asked me for a job I would not even give them a second thought. If they want a job they can come in and give me a resume and talk with me.