Tag: stress

First and foremost my friends. I did not realize how long it has been since I posted. So accept my apology.

Even though I have been working with metaphysics for several years. I should know better. I found sometimes when around people, like relatives or people you think you know well. You forget to protect yourself.

What happens you end up taking in the energy negative or positive and it sticks to you like velcro, wear it like glue and then wonder what is happening to you. You find your self sad, depressed or even sick. It has nothing to do with you. It was their stuff. It takes you a while before you realize this and recover takes a bit. Feel lethargic.

My go-to is food for comfort. and that doesn’t help!

I usually use a piece of black tourmaline to protect myself. I throw it in my pocket. I also smudge myself with sage. Do a chakra cleanse. Then I feel like I’m coming out of the fog. I had a lot of family stuff that hit me these past weeks. No lie, the grieving doesn’t help. Makes me more vulnerable. People who haven’t lost children, can not know what it is like to lose them. It is a different type of grief. People mean well.

I had a rough week this week. Yes, I miss you too! I’ve been so sensitive about the silliest of things. I caught myself crying. I’ve tried so much to stay strong. Then the flood gates opened and they didn’t stop. I feel that sometimes it is so hard to stay strong you have to give yourself a break. Regroup and start all over again. Each time it gets less and less time between strong times.

All week I stayed on the couch. Did not do much. Numb. I just don’t like that. It is not right. Then I start with the wrong foods. This morning I said Stop!

Then I said to myself that it is ok to have a good cry. You lost 2 children. You gave birth to them, you raised them, fed them, clothed them, and everything else that goes along with raising children. All of a sudden they are pulled out from under you. You watched them suffer. Your heart is still connected to them. Poof…they are gone. What an empty feeling. They were adults they had their own lives. They were out on their own. But I really miss them! That is ok!

Today I’m typing this from my computer, opposed to the tablet. I am in my office and ready to start designing some jewelry. Hope you have a great day!

I have so many things on my list to do. My ADD kicked in and my brain went into a whirlwind. I finally found my way into the office and started working on paperwork. Getting organized and created some forms for my personal accounting. I had to remember to punch a 3 hole in the forms. You know they would get put back into the paper file and be rendered useless. Well, this is a start!

I had a rough weekend. My partner passed a kidney stones, ouch! He required attention. I didn’t mind. But I realized I forgot me.

I didn’t post my food, nor eat healthy meals. I will always be there for other people, I’ll keep doing it. The poor guy was in pain, I was very concerned. But I forgot to take care of me.

I’d love to find out a way to jump out of the moment to take care of me, consistently. Mainly, because there will always be something happening. I get through the stress, then i want to eat anything not tied down.

The key is not settling on forgetting ourselves, no matter what is thrown in our path! It is about settling on being the best we can! You keep striving, you get it!

I had an appointment today and was asked how many children do I have. At first, I said, not sure how to answer this. She gave me a strange look. I choked up, a little bit of tears. Then sat up straight and said …, Yes, I have two in heaven!

To hear those words come out of my mouth made it really real! At that moment, there was a shift in energy. I had a choice, do I fall apart, or do I pull up my big girl panties and stand strong. All my life I fought to stay strong in the face of adversary. Today, was one more day I chose strong once again.

I’m only 2 months in from my loss from my younger son Allen. I do ok. I have my moments but I’m functioning. I am doing well with my sugar numbers, even though I had a perfectly good reason to go haywire.

But then came another blow. My dear friend of over 20 years, took ill in hospital and I lost her yesterday. She does not live near me. I was blessed to be able to say goodbye to her. Her daughter put the phone up to her ear. Even though we did not live near. We were on the phone daily chatting. To me, that was a visit. We helped each other through the toughest of time. Yes, she was there for me when both my sons passed. We were there for each other at times for celebration too.

My heart is so heavy right now. I feel that grief is trauma. When you have to deal with so much of it…it takes a toll on you. This is the second friend within a year that has passed from kidney failure. What this is showing me, is that I need to stay diligent with my food plan and avoid the sugars. Take care of myself. This goes back to why I even started this blog. I want to live.