WOW! So, I completely skipped the month of July, which is probably for the best. Progress puppy means progress was supposed to be had eh? It’s not awful. I’ve made progress, just not as much as I’d hoped for. Small excuses lead to big excuses and before you know it I’m back at the start. One thing I have noticed is there is a direct correlation between blogging and my attitude towards my debt. I think I kind of lost sight of the big picture. Well, not the whole picture, but my focus seems to have gone astray when it comes to discipline. So, I’m going to try my darnedest to get back to blogging regularly in hopes that it will help me get my butt back on track. Here are the magnificent numbers.

We must go down further men!

Disappointment in an array of colors….

Has anyone else picked up on the trend here? Pay,spend,pay,spend, pay, spend. Ugh. I’ve come up with a new strategy that I’m hoping will help to eliminate this tendency. If the rest of August goes like I originally planned, it should be a great step towards paying off another card, but only time will tell. On a more positive note tomorrows Friday. TGIMFF!

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Raise your hand if you haven’t been able to sleep because you were too excited to hear about my BIG news. Just as I suspected, no one.

In the short time since I last posted I received some more BIG news. So where should I start? BIG little news or BIG BIG news?

Okay, BIG little news first. Since I’ve been awful at blogging here’s a brief refresher. In June, I set up my usual monthly goals. Click here for a memory jog. Welllllll it’s now August and I only completed one of those. Ha-Ha! Guess which one though! Go on, guess! Okay fine I’ll tell you. THIS ONE!

I got me a pocket full of A’s. 🙂 ::happy dance:: There is a brain in this head! In all seriousness though, I worked my tailbone off, and sprouted a couple gray hairs, but I did it. I’m so proud of myself, which I honestly say, I have not been for a looooong time.

Now onto the BIG BIG news. I don’t know if I should deliver this all at one time. I hope everyone is able to handle all this BIG news at once. So my long-term followers know that my heart and soul belong somewhere else. For all my new comers you can read about my love affair here, here, here, and here. My last internal dispute regarding this topic happened here. I was torn but ultimately I went with “no”, again. Wellllllllllllllllllll, due to some pretty awesome, fabulous, loving, best parents in the world, I’m f#($ing going to Hawaii y’all! AHHHHHHHHHHH. I know! Are you crying? Don’t worry, I did too when I found out. I have a seat assignment and everything. So I know it’s really happening and I’m not being punk’d. I can’t believe it. I’m still kind of in shock. There’s a really good chance I’m not coming back but y’all can visit me! I’ve started a countdown to annoy the shit out of everyone.

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Now that I’ve had some sleep and no longer have the idea of setting all of AT&T on fire in my brain, I feel like I could maybe write a post. I may have unintentionally drugged myself with a lot of caffeine Monday night. I literally did not sleep a wink. Not even 5 minutes. It left me in some kind of glassy eyed dream like state, which was quite the experience. I know how the cool kids must feel. Yesterday I had started to write and about 2 minutes in I was like I don’t even know what planet I’m on right now there is no way I can do this. Plus it was pure gibberish even more than normal.

Any way, last paycheck I got REALLY aggressive with one of my payments, like a little way too aggressive. I’m so broke it’s not even funny. I’ve been borrowing money like a mad woman. I’ve been counting down the hours until I get paid since last week. It was 2 days, 52 hours, and 3134 minutes when I wrote this post. However, it is all going to be worth it beeeeccccaauuussseee, pause for dramatic effect, I’ll be paying off another credit card on Friday! 🙂 Toodaloo Mother F#*%er! I’m so excited. It feels so good to see my somewhat skewed discipline working, when I want it too. This will relatively be $300 a month, give or take, that I get to apply to the next card I’m going to tackle. Bring it on Capital One! The anticipated pay off date for this card, if I never spent another dime, is September. Holy. Shit. It’s really hard to believe that this could actually become a reality. That I might actually get out of debt. It’s been a way of life for me for so long. It’s hard to imagine life without minimum payments. I still have a L O N G way to go but I can see that it is possible.

Happy birthday dear I’m Pretty Even if You’ve Already Seen Me in this Outfit

Happy birthday to yyooouu!

Presents for everyone! Not really, I can’t afford that shit but today does mark my 100th post to this bad boy. Check me out! There are lots of exciting things happening for me too. I went through my 800 excel sheets and recalculated my “light at the end of the tunnel”, aka, my projected date to get out of debt and drum roll please, its April 2013! AFKDHaioyvhzjckvhdauewir. That’s my excitement expressed through the keyboard. Of course that’s if I never spend another dime. Which if I’m being realistic is probably more like May but either way it’s in 2013 which is a helluva lot better than originally planned, 2230. I’ve also snagged a couple more followers. Welcome, welcome! I don’t know if you’re real or computers but either way were glad to see you. I’ve got a bunch more news, I think. I can’t remember, that whole retention span of fish thing again. Ill keep you posted as I remember.

I’ll see you all Sunday, not hung-over, much, hopefully, -_-

D

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I don’t know what is going on. This will mark the second day in a row where I’ve spent hours typing out my thoughts only to have them deleted in the end. I used to be so confident in what I wrote. I could write about anything and didn’t care. I don’t know what is going on. I get half way through and think this is garbage. No one wants to read this shit. Then I get upset and I’m not even sure of what I’m typing anymore. Most of the time how I prepare an entry is to just type. I just write and write until one of two things happens. I look back and see my word count is over 40000 or I feel that I’ve hit all the marks I wanted to. Then I go back and edit, removing 75% of what I wrote to try and make it somewhat concise. Despite what you may sometimes think, I do try to get my words to flow smoothly, like an A to Z kind of concept. Well recently it’s been like A to 378. That doesn’t even make sense and that’s how my writing has been going! It’s awful. I think I’m putting too much thought behind what I’m trying to say and I’ve never been a good thinker. Well actually I’m plenty good at thinking. I think constantly. Being in my brain is like being in a fun house of mirrors. Your appearance is goofy to begin with but move ever so slightly and you go from looking like Shrek to a bite size version of yourself. It’s twisted and you should count your blessings that you’re not part of this circus that is my brain. So that’s where I’ve been and what I’ve been struggling with. I’m hoping now that I’ve acknowledged my issue that I’ll be able to pick up where I left off, trusting and believing in what I’m writing.

Cute puppy distraction!

Brain farts suck

D

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I realized this morning that in my blinding rage yesterday I forgot to inform y’all of my June goals. Anger is a dangerous, dangerous thing. You’ll be happy to hear there were only a few more victims after my morning massacre.

I, for one, cannot believe it’s already June. We are six months into 2012 already, craziness.

June Goals

$1500 – Is there an echo in here? I’m going to attempt this one again. Especially since I now have a second yob there is no excuse not to meet this goal.

Cleanliness is Healthiness – My life is clutter. My room constantly looks like a tornado has hit and my car has enough trash to fill a land fill, not exaggerating. My goal this month will be to clean and maintain my car and room. I can already hear my mom chuckling.

Edumacation – Holy shit guys! I go back to school this month! I really cannot believe it but I’m still excited, so I’ll take that as a good sign. In the past I’ve always kind of negotiated, um, every aspect of school. SCHOOL IS NOT UP FOR NEGOTIATIONS! This goal will take more than one month but I have to start right if I want it to end right. My goal is to get A’s. Yikes

New Picture – I have a frame on my desk that has a picture of the boy and me with a happy holidays frame. -_- Needless to say, it’s time for a new picture.

And you thought I was kidding when I said I was going to rig this month. 😉 Normally I would be wishing you a good weekend but I’ll be here tomorrow. So come on by and check me out!

Sorry I’ve been MIA. If you hadn’t noticed, then its fine, I haven’t been MIA. I just haven’t been as bloggly active as I like to be. I was too busy maxing out my cards, borrowing money from people, and doing everything in my power to get me back to square one. Come June 1st though, that’s all going to change! It’s time to play START BACK OVER! ::insert The Price is Right music:: You hear that self, I’m starting over! No more f@#%ing around. I feel like I’m having déjà vu. Been here before, said that before, time to get serious, again. When I look at my charts and see I started with such great momentum, it’s a little discouraging. All you can do is get back on the horse that threw you. For those of you who’ve never been on a horse, this is a figurative analogy, because there’s a fat f#%&ing chance I’d be getting back on a horse that threw me.

Despite my attempts, you can not write cursive using line charts.

Is this real life?

Since our spirits are already so high why not discuss May’s goals. This month I went 1 for 4. I’m going to go ahead and declare May a victory. Although, if this were any kind of class, that’s a 25%, which is absolutely failing. Hey but it beats April’s goose egg. Tomorrow I will have June’s goals for y’all. I’m going to rig it so I get at least a 50% because that’s passing in my book. I have teachers who would argue otherwise but they can bite me.

My fellow Revenge watchers should already be familiar with this. It was used in an episode during a therapy session and who doesn’t love a good therapy session. I was immediately drawn to the concept and thought of a how I could use it to pertain to my life. The idea is to name one positive quality, the I like portion, then one area that needs improvement, the I need portion. I thought this could be good for my readers as well because it really helped make a lot of things I had running through my head much simpler. In this crazy complex world simple is sometimes underrated. Be honest with yourself also, there is no one here to judge you. Well, unless you put it on the WWW, then everyone can.

I Like, I Need

I like my life. I need to appreciate what I have.

I like my spontaneity. I need to start considering the effect it has on others.

I like making others happy. I need to concentrate on my own happiness more.

I like when I’m positive. I need work on my self-confidence.

I like being social. I need to find a balance between healthy and destructive.

I like having money. I need to be more motivated at work.

I like my passion for change. I need to be willing to work harder to make it happen.

I like food. I need to not use it as crutch.

I like being fit. I need to put in a larger effort to be more active.

I like clothes. I need to not hide behind them.

I like when I’m sincere. I need to be more honest with myself and others.

I like me. I need to start showing myself more often.

Wasn’t that fun? Hopefully you’re list isn’t as long, I’m a work in progress. I’ve found that in the past few days whenever I’ve been feeling “icky”, I use this to simplify my thoughts and I end up feeling much better. For instance, yesterday I was hating everything about my job. I took a giant step back from the situation and analyzed it using this format. It went something like this. I like that I haven’t killed anyone yet. I need to go for a drink. 🙂

Rock on

D

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I’m going to officially announce that my vegan movement is over. The Dunkin Donuts iced coffee I had this morning pretty much sealed the deal or it could’ve been the steak I had last night. Possibly even the 8 slices of cheese pizza I had before that. Either way, it’s over. I’ll be fine because being on a vegan diet was crazy expensive. It also took a lot of work. I’d much rather dive into whatever I can get my hands on. This will be good for my bank account but not so good for my body. Eating excessively and being a lazy s.o.b. do not work out well, plus with bikini season on the horizon, ugh. Has anyone come up with that magic pill yet? Come on guys, I gave you the idea, now make it a reality!

In other news, team garden finished, for the most part. The blisters, cuts, and sunburn were all worth it because it looks amazing! We worked so hard and it paid off. One of the new neighbors came over last night and complemented us. :patting self on the back: Well done pig, well done!