Just As I Am

One of the little “doses of dynamite” that I’ve jotted down in my journal says:

“If I have to be someone I’m not in order to do what I want to do then I need to reexamine either what I want or who I think I am.”

I don’t share these musings from my journals as Daily Dose of Dynamite emails until I’m ready to unpack them, and this one wasn’t ready to be unpacked.

Until now.

On a group coaching call this morning with my Dynamite U members, we talked about an opportunity one of our members had been given. We discussed how she could make it more successful and how she would define success.

And she said to me, “I know a lot of people think I should be doing this, or doing that, but I’m just not that person yet.”

Suddenly the message in the little note I’d written to my future self made sense.

We never need to be someone we aren’t.

But sometimes, when we want to do a thing that we aren’t ready to do, we expand our understanding to realize that we CAN meet the requirements that thing sets for us.

She doesn’t need to be anyone she isn’t. But this opportunity is inspiring her to stretch her understanding of who she is to include doing things she didn’t think were possible.

She’s embracing her strengths and using them to do what needs doing in her own way. Not the way she’s “supposed to” but in the way that is authentic for her.

At first I thought this was what I was trying to tell myself – that while “supposed to” and “should” might motivate us to make an effort, desire can lead us into a higher version of self.

But I hadn’t completely unpacked it yet.

This afternoon, like unwrapping one gift to find another nestled inside, a dear friend posted a story that revealed a deeper, clearer, truth about who we are and who we need to be – and included a SOLUTION for those times when other people’s “shoulds” and “supposed tos” are holding us back from expanding into our highest self.

The wisdom she demonstrated in her story shows that her highest self is already in full bloom – but she made a choice that opens space for more of her authentic beauty to come out.

It also shows how sometimes it’s those with whom we have the longest and most loving relationships can hold us back, and put us down, the most.

My friend (who has encouraged me to share her story, but not her identity) shared that someone she loves dearly has a long-standing pattern of critiquing everything she does. In the spirit of helping her improve of course, but ultimately asking that she be the way this other person believes she could and should be rather than being her own lovely self.

This holiday season my friend gave herself a gift she’ll never forget.

And in doing so, she gave us all a greater gift than she’ll ever know.

She found a way to firmly and lovingly say, “Please accept me as I am.”

Want to know how she did it?

Exactly like that. Each time she heard a criticism she looked at this person with love and said, “Please accept me as I am.”

“You should sing like this…”

“Please accept me as I am.”

“You should say it like that…”

“Please accept me as I am.”

“You should do it like this…”

“Please accept me as I am.”

Can you imagine the strength, the love, and the patience it took to repeat that phrase? Going against a lifetime of conditioning and patterns without blame, without resentment, without anger. Just love and a simple request.

And it worked magic.

Here is her experience, exactly as she related it:

“The first time I asked it, she left the room silently. The second time I asked it, she paused and just looked at me. The third time, she visibly looked stunned as she became aware of what she was doing. That was the last time, that day.

The next day it only happened twice, the next day once and then the following two days she didn’t do it at all.”

So there is our solution when we feel like we need to be someone we aren’t in order to do anything or please anyone.

Just ask.

Ask others, ask ourselves.

“Please accept me as I am.”

And magically, there is that space to expand, to bloom, to grow in understanding of self and to be, not someone you aren’t, but more of who you really are.

Rejoice that you are exactly who you are for a reason, you are who you are because no one else can be. You are exactly who you are because that is what makes it possible for you to do things no one else could ever do exactly the way that you can.

And expand on that. Stretch into a deeper understanding of self so that even more possibilities and opportunities will open themselves to you.

I’m celebrating both of these ladies today, for bringing their highest authentic self into each and every situation, for creating value in the world in a way that is as unique and amazing as they themselves are, and for helping me unpack the message I was trying to get across to myself over a year ago.

And today, I accept me as I am and celebrate me as I am – because I know I never need to be someone I’m not, I only need to expand my understanding of who I really am.