The following were taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds:
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.
A grandfather is a man, & a grand... Read more

Good morning . . . At present we are not at home but, please leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp ...
If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.... Read more

It's a Matter of Perspective The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards, claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate. GOV'T AGENT: "I need a list of your employees a... Read more

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly ... Read more

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull...
But that's not the worst of it...
My ... Read more

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street... Read more

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some ti... Read more

There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Loretta is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The... Read more

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn'... Read more

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian.
The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.
The vet t... Read more

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who und... Read more

The Candy With The Little Hole
This should make you smile. You have to love little kids.
A teacher was giving her students Lifesavers to identify flavors
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red........... Read more

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs , but he's hidin'... Read more

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally!?
Ever wonder why?
... Read more

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a containe... Read more