As per the terms of their contract, he was having Randy Couture’s brain replaced with the brain of a less rebellious rhesus monkey.

Him and Brock Lesnar were running off to Massachusetts to get married

Wanderlei Silva and Keith Jardine were going to square off in the fight everyone has wanted to see for the last 5 years.

So of course imagine my dissapointment when it wasn’t the worthy Keith who got the nod to fight Wanderlei Silva. Ah well … I guess I’ll take Chuck Liddell. But I mean, jeez … it’s not really all that compelling on paper, is it? These two guys are both fucking losers! Who wants to see losers fight? Not me. I like winners. These guys WERE winners. But now they’re obviously losers. A big sloppy loser-fest, this is. Boo losers.

But don’t worry too much, people. God has obviously shown he does not want this fight to happen. Every time it’s announced or agreed upon, He brings his wrath down on the earth … this time in the form of burning Malibu to a fucking crisp. If this match actually goes down, it’ll be in an octagon buzzing with locusts and Goldberg will be covered (moreso) in boils.

(I wrote this blog the day after UFC77 but forgot to post it … so here it is!)

We still haven’t made it back to Canadia yet, so I haven’t heard if the UFC decided to show the Jason MacDonald vs Yushin Okami fight on the PPV. I really wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t. Even though Okami is the most logical choice for #1 contender at middleweight, his win against Jason MacDonald was a snoozer of epic proportions and wouldn’t have earned him a fan in the world.

There’s been whisperings that the UFC actually has no plan to renew Okami’s contract on account of him being the most boring fighter in the universe (Sorry Jake O’Brien – like Fedor, you have to stay active to hold the #1 ranking). While the fact that this fight was a dark match supports that theory, I would be amazed if the UFC had the balls to drop a fighter who’s 5-1, especially considering his position in the anemic middleweight division. If the UFC cut him, they’d basically be creating a new Matt Lindland, who was also cut from the UFC for being as exciting as watching Antiques Roadshow.

The funny thing about the whole Matt Lindland thing is I was happy when they ditched him. He was fucking boring, and so is Yushin Okami. I’ve tried really hard to appreciate the skill and control these guys show in grinding out decisions. I’m a patient guy and I’m willing to give a dude a chance to prove that he’s capable of finishing a fight. But at this point I’m just as done with Okami now as I was with Lindland years ago.

I’d love to see Anderson Silva smash Okami’s face in, but I cringe with fear at the idea of Okami holding Silva down and winning a decision. What a fucking catastrophe that would be (well, it would be a catastrophe for everyone but Rich Franklin). So if the UFC does decide not to renew Okami’s contract, I’m not gonna be one of the people out there in the forums bitching and complaining. Okami might be good at gutting out a win, but he’s a pretty mediocre mixed martial artist overall and I have no use for guys who can’t finish a fight.

Goddamn is the UFC stupid. For all their protection and promotion of Michael Bisping as the face of UK MMA, they haven’t spent an iota of time developing any other UK fighters. In fact, they seem content to fill their British shows with US fighters of dubious British ancestry rather than feature many REAL hometown fighters.

You’d think since they’re serious about staying in the UK, the UFC might wanna consider *not* throwing UK fighters under the bus against more skilled North American competition. But the UFC has showed no signs of stopping this trend, and UK fighters have gone 0-5 in the last two UK shows (minus Bisping, who as far as I’m concerned is now a citizen of Fagistan).

For fucks sake, the UFC could at least put UK guys against eachother so then you’ll have at least one hometown winner per show. Even buttfuck travelling promotions understand the advantages of doing that. But no … the UFC seems content to book UK fighters in matches they simply ain’t gonna win. The latest example of this: Sam Stout vs Terry Etim.

I’m all for challenging fights and stuff, but how long are the UK fans going to enjoy watching their boys get beaten by retards from America? Everyone was throwing a fit because the hometown boys from UFC77 got smashed. How the fuck do you think the crowds in the UK are liking that kind of medicine for every show?

Anyways, I hope Hywel Teague comes out and tells us his take on this, because I think the UFC is fucking dumb for not working harder at tying British nationalism and pride into their events.

It seems like the only person still denying the Chuck vs Wandy fight at this point is Dana White. At UFC 77, Wanderlei Silva was busy telling everyone from the beer vendors to the pretzel twisters how he was going to fight Chuck on New Years Eve. And of course you all saw the little screwup on the DirectTV site announcing the fight as well.

So what’s the deal? Why the hell is Dana still denying this? Simple answer: he’s milking the situation. The more “Will they / Won’t they” that goes on for this fight, the more hyped everyone gets. It wouldn’t surprise me if Dana White goes out and officially calls the match off through his cronies at Yahoo before finally announcing the bout a week later.

This is following the unfortunate trend of misinformation flowing out from UFC management in order to manipulate people’s perceptions to improve sales. Just look at the Bisping / Evans fight … the word given to the Telegraph is that the winner will receive a title shot, but insiders within the UFC are laughing at that idea. So what’s up with that shit? Is it the Telegraph which got the news wrong or are they being fed bullshit by the UFC?

I wonder … how long will the UFC get away with feeding obviously false information to the press before they start taking Dana White to task for the all the lies being spread?

“I said give me two weeks,” recounted Maxwell, who’d never heard of mixed martial arts let alone the 31-year-old Emelianenko. “Let me put together an A-List team, let’s meet together again in Amsterdam in two weeks and see if we wanna go ahead.”

The money came together quickly. Maxwell returned to Holland on Sept. 25 and signed Emelianenko, the undisputed top heavyweight in MMA, to a letter of intent before handing him a $1.5 million signing bonus.

“All of a sudden I’m in the MMA business,” Maxwell said. “Part of life is when opportunity knocks you have to know when to open the door, and I think this was a door worth opening.”

I’d been hoping the whole “We only started 10 weeks ago” thing was just swagger or bravado. I imagined them saying that was just a social gaffe because they didn’t realize how many people would look at each other and shake their heads hearing that news. But here it is again, about as explicitly as can be. And now the guy running the show is saying he DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT MMA WAS?!?!?!?!

This is just the beginning, I imagine. As time goes on and we learn more, I get the feeling that we’ll be shaking our heads more and more. This big company that was supposed to compete with the UFC is looking more and more like it consists of a bunch of morons with no idea what they’re doing.

Again, it’s only Monte Cox’s involvement that makes me think otherwise. But who is to say he didn’t just get suckered in with the promise of a retarded paycheck? If someone offered me a million bucks to get on the Titanic, I’d say yes so long as I brought a wig and a dress so I could guarantee a spot on the lifeboats.