A Porn Director's Advice on Headline Writing

Porn directors. They're just like us -- artists operating in an online world where he who goes viral wins.

And when you consider that approximately 15 percent of all Web searches are asking for directions to T&A Avenue, chatting about marketing strategy with the man behind The Human Sexipede, A Wet Dream on Elm Street, and The Honeymoaners may not seem like the craziest idea.

Meet Lee Roy Myers of WoodRocket.com. He just may be the porn world's equivalent of BuzzFeed editor-in-chief Ben Smith. Why's that? Well, they're both creating content based on catchy titles and moving images. But while Smith is offering up 39 Cats Who Look Like Ricky Gervais, Myers is streaming an adult version of the series that made Gervais famous, The Office: A XXX Parody.

Like any other creative Internet entrepreneur, Myers has got a trusty team of online marketing gurus to monitor analytics and offer advice on ways to improve traffic. But it's doubtful that the editorial teams gathered around a conference table in the BuzzFeed or Upworthy offices have ever been scolded for not using the word "pussy" enough this month.

We recently chatted with Myers about the many similarities between how mainstream media and pornographic sites do business, why an economy of words is essential to both endeavors, and what a site like BuzzFeed could learn from SpongeKnob SquareNuts.

ESQUIRE.COM: Does the title always come first? (No pun intended.)

LEE ROY MYERS: The goal right now is to go viral. Our first priority is traffic, so it's making a title that people appreciate. Back in the days of DVD, title was always secondary. The goal back then was to sell DVDs in a market that had fallen close to rock-bottom, so the biggest conversations about the title might be, "Should we drop the 'The' from the title in order to avoid a lawsuit?" I think the first time we really had to think of a title was on Sex Files; it was an X-Files parody, and it was a pretty big-budget movie for porn. Then we got a cease and desist from 20th Century Fox.

ESQ: What has been your most commercially successful title?

LRM: Probably The Simpsons parody, the Marge and Homer sex tape.

ESQ: When you're creating a porn version of something like The Simpsons, how do you maintain the humor of what you're doing but still make it erotic?

LRM: I like to think about the dialogue and the makeup and the costumes and how it's going to look and what people are going to perceive it as first. Because I know that once there are naked people, people will appreciate the sex for what it is. It will be treated as a novelty most of the time when that happens, but it's okay. Because it's okay to have fun and watch porn. It's okay to feel something other than just sexual excitement when watching porn. That's basically the point of my movies: that I can laugh and watch porn and get off in the same timeframe.

ESQ: What's the one movie or show you've always wanted to spoof but have yet to make?

LRM: The one that I am looking forward to doing very soon is RoboCop.

ESQ: Let me guess—RoboCock?

LRM: Yes! I loved that movie is a kid and there is nothing sexual about that movie. I think there's something so ridiculous about doing a RoboCop porn parody that I just want to tackle it. I'm actually currently writing the script.

ESQ: What's the difference between a great porn parody title and a great straight porn title?

LRM: The ridiculous factor. A great porn parodt title will convey three things: that it's a porn parody, what the original material you're parodying is, and that you're really making something silly like you're in on the joke. Whereas if you're making a straight porn movie, you can have a sense of humor about it, but it's more about getting people to want to get off based on the title.

ESQ: How did the industry's transition from DVD-based to online change the titling process? Are you faced with the same issues as online writers and editors in terms of search engine optimization and SFW titles? You're a XXX-rated industry now existing in what has become a mainstream space.

LRM: That's really what has created the difference between how we titled things for DVD and how we title things for the Web. For DVD, it's about specific sexual appreciation. You can be clever or you can not be clever. It doesn't matter as much as what's on the box cover. If the box cover looks good, you're going to sell that movie.

When you're on the Web, there are so many different factors, and they're all equally important, except for the title. The title is your priority. The title is what is going to get people to click, because they're seeing a title before they're seeing a photo or an image. We're using our computers to read text; that's part of the visual equation of looking at a Website. So when I think of a title for a movie on the Web, it's got to be something that's going to get the attention of the person and reel them into watching it, or at least clicking on the link. So it's got to be something that somebody thinks is weird or funny or amazing or disgusting. It's about using the title to cause somebody to emote enough feeling of some sort to click on that title.

ESQ: Are there SEO keywords that can maximize a particular title's exposure?

LRM: Yes and no. Yes in that we have an SEO person and marketing people who all have words and phrases that they prefer us using. But at the end of the day, there are only so many times you can use the word "pussy" or "cock." We do use those words where we can. But in order to go viral, you want mainstream sites to pick things up, so there are certain words we can't use. So we mix it up. We're not afraid of using a title that is controversial, but maybe it's more innuendo-based. We try to find a medium.

The Web is very complex in figuring out how to get your title to bring in traffic and there's lots of competition. And it's not like on the shelves of a video store, where you're only competing against porn. Now I'm competing against porn and I'm competing against Reddit and BuzzFeed. And I'm trying to get them to pick me against all these other great titles that are intriguing people. So, yes, I have certain words that I'm supposed to use and should use, because SEO is very important. But I also have to find a way to title something that may not use those words exactly, but will bring traffic.

ESQ: What's an example of a title that you would use and what the alternative, bad version of that same movie might be?

LRM: SpongeKnob SquareNuts is a perfect example: It doesn't have the word "cock" in it, it doesn't have the word "pussy," but it has the word "knob," which isn't the most well-known slang term for male genitalia. And "nuts" could have been a million other things. But I would say that title is at the edge of what a mainstream blog would repeat. Whereas if we wanted to cross that line, it could have been anything really—it could have been SpongeKnob SquareCock.

ESQ: What are some of your forbidden words?

LRM: I would never use the word "cunt." I would probably avoid "motherfucker." In fact, "fuck" is probably a word that I would avoid.

ESQ: What's the one part of the transition to online porn and the marketing that comes with it that still surprises you?

LRM: I would never think in a million years that someone would tell me that I have to use the word "pussy" in a title this month. This month is Pussy Month! I didn't think that someone would ever tell me what words I had to use at all. And before this, I didn't know that a title was so important. The Web has made it important. Things have changed. Titles used to be something you could just spit out last-minute so that your lawyer could turn that into a corporation. And they were about coming up with something that you thought might just turn somebody on after you had the box art and after you had shot the movie. Now it's so silly yet important that words really do affect how we make something for the Web. It really does affect porn.

ESQ: And it's not just words, it's every single word, it's the collection—the order in which they are put together.

LRM: Absolutely. SEO people are essentially word mathematicians. We have equations that we're supposed to go by. Sometimes you can get lucky and not follow that, but for the most part, if you want to attract traffic, you look at the title and you look at the words in the summary and the description. And it's really essential to follow those rules in order to get people to click on your titles.

ESQ: Do you read a lot of online content?

LRM: Yes, constantly. I'm a Redditor and I'm always on Laughing Squid or Gawker or BuzzFeed. I'm on the Web constantly. It's the only way I can do my job, and I also enjoy it.

ESQ: With a site like BuzzFeed, are there lessons that you can take from what they're doing?

LRM: There are some things that we're planning based on this type of title fishing. It's definitely something that we're conscious of and are looking at. There are definitely some things that we can't do right now—23 Ways to Do This, 100 Ways to Whatever—because in a video it's a little harder to do things like that, especially in porn. But it's definitely interesting what they're doing. It is based on title. It's based on words, and figuring out the simplest way to attract readers.

ESQ: It's a headline, but in terms of content, it's usually a series of GIFs. Like porn, it's really a title supported by some moving images. So what lessons could sites like BuzzFeed learn from the porn industry?

LRM: I think that everything is evolving so quickly that the people that set a standard today won't necessarily be setting a standard tomorrow. The thing about BuzzFeed and sites like that is that they don't have buyers; there's nobody who has to go out and buy a BuzzFeed DVD or buy something the old-fashioned way. I think there's something to be said about learning from tradition and even from failures. And I think what sites like BuzzFeed could learn from adult films is that it can't just be about getting in and getting off. Because there's no loyalty at the end of the day when that's all you give them. There needs to be something inside to make people want to come back.

It's not just about the title. There are a lot of stories on BuzzFeed and Websites like it and some of them are great, some of them are things I want to come back and read again. But there are some that are just a title, and what you see inside are a few GIFs and I can see that anywhere. So there's something to having some substance there. And if they have to have a pornographer say that to them, then maybe the world is changing.

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