A late addition to the blogosphere. Periodic comments on food, politics, music, design and subjects to be determined from a late mid-century modern man.

29 April 2008

The Anti-Christ in the Supermarket

The DP and I had dinner with his sister and brother-in-law over the weekend, and our conversation included a riff on how famous – or famous for Washington, DC – people can move around the city in relative anonymity. Mention was made of seeing LeBron James at Sequoia enjoying a drink at the bar, unmolested by anyone.

I didn’t think anything of this, and went on my usual weekend business of shopping, including a stop at the Temple of Yuppie Pulchritude, also known as Whole Foods. While perusing the organic, cruelty-free meat, I overheard this comment:

“Thank you for all you’ve done for the Republican Party! We’ll see how well we do against the Democrats in the next election cycle.”

Now, my initial reaction was fury, followed by nausea. I knew that if I did what my rage was driving me toward – decking Karl Rove, in the middle of the Tenleytown Whole Foods – I would likely end up in jail, and on my way to Guantanamo Bay for a long term vacation with waterboarding, and not windsurfing, as my recreation. I would also end up on the front page of the Washington Post, possibly above the fold, which is a level of celebrity and infamy I have never sought or desired. I thought about asking Rove how his math was doing now, but realized that it would have violated the rules of public anonymity described above.

So I chose plan B: I pulled out my mobile phone (why did I forget to take a picture?) and called the DP.

“Hello,” he said.

“I’m standing next to the Anti-Christ at the meat counter at Whole Foods,” I responded. Rove shot me a cold look from the pig eyes stuck in his potato face, looking like a living, breathing Mr. Potato Head

“Cheney shops? At Whole Foods? I though he only ate kittens and babies?”

“No, not Cheney. Rove”

“Oh. Ewwwww.”

“Yeah. I feel dirty now.”

“I bet.”

“Love you. ‘Bye.”

“Love you too. ‘Bye.”

And that was it. Rove had wandered off. I saw him in the checkout line, and was glad I wasn’t immediately in front of or behind him.

What I want to know is how, in the spectrum of famous and famous for Washington people, do I get to see both Karl Rove (hideous) and James Carville (extra hideous in a shorty bathrobe with his pipe cleaner legs)? Not George Clooney. Not Angeline Jolie. Hell, not even Barack Obama. No, I get Rove and Carville. Hell, I tell you. A circle of hell.