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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

Hubby bought me the above-mentioned page-a-day calendar for Christmas. I keep it on my desk at work.

The ever so helpful suggestion for Thursday, January 17th? (SHUT UP. I know it's February 5th today. I've been meaning to write this post for 3 weeks now.)

"ALONE TIME--Women who do too much do it more efficiently, more creatively, and better when they take two or three hours completely for themselves once a month. This month, find a way to be in water. Swim, soak in a tub, take a long shower, soak your feet, or even wash dishes by hand--slowly. Let it be known that interruptions are not allowed during these precious times."

Really?! Are you f'ing kidding me?!

There are oh so many things wrong with this that I don't quite know where to begin...

1. Swim? Because putting on a bathing suit is just soooo not stressful in itself. Especially in January, when the skin is whiter, the legs are hairier and the fat is heftier. GREAT tip.

2. Soak your feet? Ummm...Why does an image of an old lady in a rocking chair immersing her gnarly corns and bunions spring to my mind?

3. Slowly wash dishes by hand? Is there anyone out there who would find this even remotely appealing? Anyone? Bueller?

a) that is hystericalb) when I was a kid, we didn't have a dishwasher at my beachhouse for some inexplicable reason, I used to love handwashing the dishes. WHAT????, now I would choose eating on paper plates to avoid washing anything. Also, when I burn something in a pan, I have been known to throw away said pan rather than attempt to clean it. Wasteful much?

Yeah ... the only one of those suggestions I'd remotely consider would be #2 and that's *only* if I was soaking them while getting a pedicure at a salon. There's nothing relaxing if I'm the one who has to clean out the tub afterwards.

It's too bad that wearing a bathing suit is such a downer. I'm sure being in the pool would feel really good to this fat whale.

hilarious! and why water? It's freezing cold here in January, the last thing I want to do is get in water!! (unless of course I am suddenly on a beach in Mexico and someone else is washing my dishes by hand!!!)

Surprisingly, the winter bathing suit body wasn't as traumatic as one would think. Once you're in public, you realize that there really is an obesity epidemic in the US. By comparison, I've only got a slight fever.

I'd be happy if I had 2-3 hours a month of alone time. But I'll be damned if I'd spend it slowly washing dishes. I'd spend it passed out on my bed. (or the couch, chair, or any remotely comfortable surface...ahhhhhh....sleep, how I miss you!)