Three good friends were driving along on the highway one Saturday: a doctor, a teacher, and a lawyer. All of a sudden, a brand-new SUV cut them off. In an attempt to miss the big vehicle, the driver swerved to the left and hit the median. The car flipped several times and all three friends died instantly. They all found themselves in line waiting to get into Heaven. The doctor asked the others, "Hey, what do you want people to say at your funeral? I want them to say, 'She was a great doctor, and she never let down any of her patients.'"The teacher said, "I want people to remember me as a great educator, so I would want to hear people say, 'He was a wonderful teacher, a great role model for children, and he changed countless lives throughout his career.'"Then the lawyer said, "I'd like people to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

The Trip

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?""Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.""Oh, no, I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."

THE BUM …

A bum approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. "Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?" The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend in on liquor are you?""No, sir, I don t drink," retorts the bum."You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman."No way, I don t gamble," answers the bum."You wouldn t waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would you?" asks the man."Never," says the bum, "I don t play golf."The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they are heading for the man s house, the bum s curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn t your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?""Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn t drink, gamble or play golf."

HOW TO LIVE?

"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?""Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But what will you live on?"

THEY HAD NO PRIVACY

As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor."Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He s been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"

A HUSBAND WHO NEVER FEELS ASHAMED

"I m ashamed of the way we live," a young wife says to her lazy husband who refuses to find a job. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I m just so ashamed."The husband rolls over on the couch. "And you @love well should be," he agrees. "Those two worthless brothers of yours ain t never give us a cent!"