Holidays after the affair.

By Renelle Nelson, posted 12.07.2016

Holidays after an Affair or break up

This is a common subject that comes up in my practice this time of the year. It is hard to get into the Holiday mood when your world has just crumbled in front of you. You wonder how they could do this to you and what about all the traditions and holiday memories you created.

The truth is there isn’t any magic time line or pill that you can take to make the time it takes to heal or speed up the process. Like with all grief it takes time, love and self-care. Do what you feel is good for you. Some of my clients I work with, skip the holidays and others set up new traditions. Whatever you do you are in control. You don’t have to let this experience set the tone for the rest of your life. I know it is hard, but don’t continue to victimize yourself. Take back the remote control to your life and push the Power button. Whatever you do take control. So much up to now you didn’t have any control of, but you have control of your reaction and actions in how you will deal with things like the holidays or any other events that provided meaning. Take this time to create new traditions. The things that you did together what part did you enjoy? Remember that feeling and create something that brings you that same feeling again. The person may not be there but the feeling never leaves. If going to events or parties you don’t feel up to it, that is fine but don’t attend because of them, you are giving them too much power. Make a conscious choose that it is not good for you. If the experience will bring trauma avoid it until you are mentally prepared and that may take time, if you feel you can go just go for a short time whatever you do you are in Control!!

If you are holding on to any pain ask yourself what purpose is it serving, if none try to do the steps to let it go. I know it’s hard to let it go when that is all you have left. You are so strong it will all work out and get better, but not without time and work. Have the courage to live life on your own terms and this includes holding on to the good times and creating better ones.