Today it feels like a raging case of the flu, but I only took one hydrocodone, last night, because the pain was really that bad. No alcohol, I just took a really hard kind of strange nap. I'm back on Motrin today, and have passed tomorrow's drive with my son to Love Field in Dallas over to my son's father, who isn't at this time taking an antibiotic famous for making people dizzy.

The first one who seems to have known something was wrong was my dog Poppy, who famously charges up to people and gives them a snort in the crotch. On Tuesday she caught me, and really pushed hard, like there was something unusual to detect. It takes humans a lot longer to notice that infection smell. (Too bad this dog is a catahoula, not a Labrador retriever, or I could say I had some lab work done early. . . )

Joan Henny was layin' her a mountain, An' her oviducts was strikin' fire, She drove so hard she broke her pore heart, An' she laid down her body an' she died, Lawd, Lawd, she laid down her body an' she died.

Joan Henny had a pretty lil rooster, An' he was dressed in red feathers and blue, An' de las' words that she said to him: "Coxcomb, I've been true to you, Lawd, Lawd, Coxcomb I've been true to you."

Dey took Joan Henny to de fry pan, An' dey fried her in de grease, An' every patron at de KFC, Says, "Dere fries a egg-layin' hen, Lawd, Lawd, dere fries a egg-layin' hen."

I am tired! While Stilly has been doping herself silly and Rapaire has been squandering his retirement hours composing parodies, I have been working my butt (just for you, LH) off in this week "between jobs" switching my private practice from a PLLC to a sole proprietorship to simplify taxes next year because my partners have been inactive for over a year, and adding private practice clients who are transferring from my previous agency position in order to continue therapy with moi.

In other words, I have spent the week figuring out how I am going to deal with biting off more than I can chew. Looks like between the new job and the increase in private clients I am about to start working 70 hour weeks instead of 55 hour weeks. In the meantime, my 2009 taxes still are not done, the small claims paperwork is not completed or filed against the window/siding guy that I foolishly paid off before the work was finished 2 years ago, the yard has not been mowed in 3 weeks, the stacks of paper that need filed or shredded, things that need stashed in the attic, shoved in a closet or the shed, or tossed or donated have completely overrun the guest room, and the bills are not yet paid. Worst of all, the cherry tomatoes formerly trellised so attractively have run amok and may refuse all attempts to tame them in the name of impressing the neighbors with my artistry with veggie gardens.

I need Shane or Chongo to drop by and create such havoc that I have a good excuse....

A good, rowdy sharp-bladed duel with blades or words would probably also suffice.

My youngest son downloaded a virus onto my computer, so it's been ill since Thursday. I have to take it to the computer doctor tomorrow. So I had to come in to work ON SUNDAY to see what you folks had said to MOM while I was out. Over and out again,

Casuarina Club Coach Spells Speed With A 'C' -- (Darwin, Australia 30/6/01) An Australian coach is using a crocodile in the pool to encourage his swimmers to improve their speeds.

Mark Davies, from Casuarina Crocs Swimming Club in Darwin, says the technique improves his squad's performance.Local swimming authorities say he'll have to use a private pool if he wants to continue using the crocodile while the Australian Institute of Sport has condemned the technique.

Mr Davies is unrepentant. He told Australian newspaper The Telegraph: "The thought of something chasing them down the pool certainly improves the speeds of my swimmers." Before the 1.8-metre saltwater crocodile is lowered into the water, its jaw is bound with tape and its claws are clipped.

Jane Crumley, the Swimming Team Fool

(Tune: John Henry)

When Jane Crumley was a little baby A-sittin' on her momma's knee, She said a ten foot salty on the Varsity Squad, Is gonna be the death of me, Lord, Lord Gonna be the death of me!

Now Janie grew up to be a swimmer, And she moved to Darwin town; And the girls all called her the Dundee Momma 'Cuz she smoked all the boys in the town, Lord Lord, She smoked all the boys in that town.

Now the big coach said to Jane Crumley, Gal, you better swim like a fool, There's a ten foot croc with a hide like rock, In the starting end of this pool, Lord Lord The starting end of the pool

But Jane Crumley she said to Coach Davies I'm the fastest fin in this town Before I let that salty catch my ass I will roll right over and drown, Lord, Lord I will roll right over and drown!

When the starting gun went off that morning Janie Crumley's suit was brown But when the days was over, Lord It was red from the shoulders down, Lord Lord Bright red fromt he shoulders down.

Now Janie said to her pacer, Pacer, pour me that tea and cream 'Cuz I'm pouring on hots and I'm cutting five knots, Just look at that chlorine steam, Lord, Lord Just look at that chlorine steam.

Now the bugger who raised up that salty, He thought he was something fine But Jane Crumley breast-stroked a ten-meter start Before that salty croc done nine, Lord, lord Before that croc done nine!

Jane Crumley she dug into the water She cut it like a razor knife But five meters short of that finishing line That salty took her life, Lord Lord That salty took her life

The salty got hold of one ankle And Janey just tore herself free Said I won't make the lap in four nineteen, But I'll make it in four twenty-three, Lord, Lord I'll make it in four twenty-three

Now the salty he grabbed Janey's kneecap, And Janey was just half-alive Said I won't make the lap in four twenty three, But I'll make it in four twenty-five, Lord, Lord I'll make it in four twenty-five!

Now Janey was crossing the finishing line As the salty pulled her down, She made four twenty-five as he grabbed her waist, And she rolled right over and she drown, Lord, Lord She rolled right over an' she drowned.

Well they sponged up the rest of Jane Crumley And they put it on display by the pool And every class of freshmen gets to hear that coach say, "Now there was a true swimming fool, Lord, Lord There was a true swimming fool!"

Eiseley, have you visited any of the Mudcat threads where we offer saged discourse on removing such problems? There are a number of fine (and free) products available to help with viruses.

Janie, I hope you get that under control. I have a book review to write, and I've put it off, but after hearing about a friend's misery with a bad contractor, it's time to write it (the book is by the local consumer watchdog columnist from the Star-Telegram). They stole a lot of stuff from the property while they were there, but he didn't notice until later when he needed things - they carefully left behind the boxes and cases to make it look like the items were still there. The roofers, who did a miserable job that they didn't complete, were the only ones in an otherwise-locked yard in recent times. So I have my "hook" for my review about choosing good contractors.

Oops. Back to BS. Janie, I hope Shane AND Chongo come down there - but why not send them after the contractor, instead of just hoping for a duel in the yard? Tell them that this contractor wants to sneak up to Canada and steal their beer.

Stilly has a brilliant suggestion--let us send ALL of Little Hawks imaginary friends, led by the redoubtable Shatner, on a mass mission to exercise revenge or remediation for Janie's troubles. They can stop and have a discussion with Eiseley's son on their way down from Orellia, just to ofer him an educational perspective, eh? Then off to Carolina, where Corridus can take over some of Janie's counseling load, Chongo can figger out how to get those taxes taken care of, and Shatner can arm wrestle the contractor using his impeccable negotiation skills.

Draft Horse Beer for Raparee When he feels like making free! As along his veins it courses, He will feel as big as horses! Thus he'll never fade or fray Surviving at the Getaway! Clydesdale, Arab, Palomino! Better far than doorway vino! Soon so drunk he cannot see, Say a prayer for Raparee!

Excerpted from the Legionaire's Diseased Songbook, 1954 Author unknown, although reputed to be "Slimy Slim" Studly Stickers of the Pocatello, Idaho regional office.

I, sir? Nay, sir!! I cast them, well and good, but upon your conduct, I do not! It is on your karma I have cast them, like so much melted butter sauce, producing the vaunted Karma'n Ghee-ah! A fitting sauce for one of legendary sauciness.

Boy, we can see who keeps Mom all stirred up. Rapaire goes fishing and the house suddenly whispers with quietude like a dawn rose. The ruction and the dust are all settled and harmony, however briefly, reigns.

MOM got tired of playing out there and was picking up the worms on the sidewalk. That's why Rapaire went fishing, because she found all of that easy bait for him. I expect he'll be back when he runs out of worms. Or catches a limit.

Dang. Couldn't get a nibble no matter what I tried. I could SEE the danged things, nice sized trout, and I floated flies, lures, and even used a plain old baited hook setup right past them. After a couple of hours I was ready to wade in and toss 'em up on the bank, grizzly style, but I know that patience is good. So I lugged my gear back to the car, got out a DuPont Spinner and with that and my net hiked back to the Ol' Fishin' Hole. I put the spinner a bit upstream and the current carried it right where I wanted it. After the explosion I netted some nice trout (some slightly shredded) and brought home my limit in cutthroat, rainbow, brown, crappie, large- and small- mouth bass, catfish, bluegill, sunfish, a couple of sturgeon and an octopus (which I'll give to my Greek friends). AND I got out of there before the game warden arrived! All in all a pretty good day.

Hot, bugs galore, no fish biting except those pirahnas skeletonizing the dead cow upstream, and I stepped into a hole on the way back to the car and prit near broke my cannonbone and then I'd have to put myself down.

Yeah, all in all a right nice day. Like they say, the worst day fishing/hunting is better than the best day working.

MOM!! We made our rezes for Nova Scotia, going up into the boonies near Livingston Cove to hang with my cousin, the famous Sculptor, for a few days. What a nice break that will be! Hope I can remember how to use an outhouse...

Oh, you poor benighted soul. How could they schedule you so thoughtlessly, and for liposuction, too! What's the world coming to? That's what I want to know!! My guess is "the end of July as we know it....".