Care for caregivers: 'Rewards far outweigh the hardship' when providing for loved ones

Friday

Dec 13, 2013 at 12:01 AMDec 13, 2013 at 3:30 PM

Jackie Bridges

KINGSMOUNTAIN -- Most days laughter, Elvis music and hymns fill the home of Linda and Jerry Crotts.

The contagious giggles belong to Linda’s mother, 92-year-old Ada Burton, who also likes to dance the mashed potato to Elvis music and sing.

Linda is her mother’s primary caregiver, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

“My mom lived with my sister in Matthews for 28 years,” Linda said. “Now, I get to have her every day. I might hear her singing hymns at 5 a.m. and I get up and sing with her. That’s a precious memory.”

‘I won’t leave her alone’: But caregiving is not always easy – sometimes there are tears amidst the laughter. She and her husband of 22 years rarely go out to dinner. They haven’t been on a vacation in more than two years. She said she “sleeps with one ear and one eye open” to be able to hear her mother when she calls during the night.

“It’s exhausting and sometimes it’s lonely,” Linda said. “You are very limited to where you can go, but the rewards far outweigh the hardship.”

Her mother has dementia and requires 24-hour care, because she needs help with everyday activities like eating, bathing and hygiene.

“I won’t leave her alone,” Linda said. “I watched my mom take care of my dad until he had to go to a rest home for 24-hour skilled nursing. I can be assured that she is getting the same care as she gave my dad.”

Help from another caregiver: Realizing that it’s impossible for her to provide all the care for her mom, Linda turned to Care Solutions for help. Care Solutions, which is part of Cleveland Regional Medical Center, is a care management service that helps older adults and their families who are coping with the challenges of aging and changes in functional abilities.

Her social worker at Care Solutions, Banzen Warren, told her about the N.C. Department of Health and Human Services Community Alternatives Program for Disabled Adults (CAP-DA). The goal of CAP is to prevent the unnecessary placement of a disabled person in an institution, hospital or nursing facility. Through the program, Linda is able to hire a CNA to help her five days a week for six hours a day.

“She comes in the morning and stays until 5,” Linda said. “It allows me to have some free time in the day time.”

Linda runs errands or works around the house while the CNA, Belinda Huskey, takes care of her mother.

“We couldn’t do without Belinda,” Burton said. “If she left, we would go with her.”

Huskey works for Interim HealthCare, which also sends a nurse and physical therapist to the home.

“I can’t tell you what it means to have Interim and the CAP program care about my mother as much as they do,” Linda said. “Belinda treats people like she wants to be treated. If I could have Belinda all night and all week, I would leave my mom. That’s how I feel about Belinda. A lot of times, I see my mom down, because she worries that she is a burden to me. Belinda will come in and talk to her and lift her spirits.”

‘Do what’s best for them’: When Huskey leaves Linda and her mom, she goes home to be the caregiver for her husband, James. He has been fighting cancer for a year. He’s finished traditional chemotherapy and now takes a chemo pill.

“I have to bathe him and shave him,” Huskey said. “It can be tiring, but by the grace of God, I do what I have to do. You wouldn’t have it any other way. When it’s your family member, you do what is best for them.”

Huskey has worked as a nursing assistant for 25 years privately and in nursing homes. She’s been with Interim for two years.

“I have loved every moment of it. I enjoyed working with folks,” Huskey said.

Linda said Huskey has become part of the family team.

“I’m sorry everybody can’t have a Belinda ... (and) I couldn’t have done it without Jerry. He’s been very patient,” she said. “Being a caregiver, you have to have fun. Jerry, me, Belinda and mother - We do it together.”

Help for caregivers: Do you know a person who is caring for a loved one? Here are two ideas from the Life Enrichment Center for gifts to encourage caregivers.

Sanity Bag for caregivers: Some items to remind you… Gum: To stick with it Candle: To let your light shine Tootsie Roll: Don’t bite off more than you can chew Safety pin: To stay sharp Rubber band: To stay flexible Smarties: To help on days when you don’t feel smart Tissue: To dry someone’s tears, maybe your own… Eraser: To remember everyone makes mistakes; you’re human Band-aid: To heal hurt feelings quickly Q-tip: To use your ears to be a good listener

Sanity Basket for Caregivers: Add the following items to those above to make a basket Some items to remind you… Match: To light your fire when you feel burned out Starburst: To give you a burst of energy on days you don’t have any Tissue: To dry someone’s tears, maybe your own… Button: To “button your lips” to keep you from saying something you’ll regret Toothpick: To pick the good qualities out of everyone, especially yourself Kiss: Because sometimes a kiss can make it better Snicker’s Bar: To remind you to laugh Hug: Give these frequently

What is CAP-DA? According to Anzie Horn, direcotor of Care Solutions, CAP- DA stands for Community Alternative Program for Disabled Adults. It is an alternative to nursing home placement and serves ages 18 and older. The individual must meet certain criteria to be eligible for the program and one of the criteria is the person has to be Medicaid eligible. The criteria is determined by the state and is verified through an assessment completed by a registered nurse and a social worker. The services provided through the CAP-DA program are approved by the state and provide care for the individual so they can remain in their home and in the community. The services are designed to meet the needs of the individuals, similar to the services provided in a nursing home, which are personal care, nursing care, supplies, home mobility aids, meals, personal response systems, physical therapy and occupational therapy, and other needed services. For more information about the program, call Care Solutions at 980-487-4770.

Tips for caregivers from Linda Cabiness at The Life Enrichment Center: Caring for someone with a health condition may have its unique challenges – but it also can have its positive, enriching moments. Love, trust, and a shared goal for better health can bring you closer to the family member or friend you are helping.

Staying positive is important – even when caregiving becomes stressful or overwhelming. A positive attitude can help you cope, reduce stress, and make it easier to get through those tough days. It can even lead you to a greater sense of well-being and improved health.

To help you keep a positive outlook, consider the following:

* It is important to listen to your body. Find the time to eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise. Remember, as you care for a family member or friend, you need to look after your own health and strength.

* Find time for your personal life. It is not easy, but it is important to make time for things like staying in touch with friends, keeping up with your own finances, and enjoying other personal interests.

* Talking with other caregivers can help. They understand what you are going through and may offer comfort and advice. Joining a support group can be an excellent way to meet and connect with other caregivers. Call the Life Enrichment Centers (LEC) in Cleveland County for support group information. The support group meets at the LEC in Kings Mountain (704-739-4858) on the first Tuesday of each month and at the LEC in Shelby (704-484-0405) on the third Tuesday of each month, both meet from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m.

* It’s OK to ask for help with caregiving. Staying positive may be tough when you are overwhelmed or exhausted. Speak with family and friends—their assistance may help lighten your to-do list. For example, if you know a family member or friend enjoys cooking, consider asking him or her to help prepare meals.

* Focus on the positive – realize the valuable help that you are providing, and the close connection that you are building with the person in your care. Choosing a positive approach can go a long way toward helping you be a happier, healthier, and more effective caregiver.