Onward and Upward! How to live an uncommon life.

Empathy: A Cure for Self-righteous Rage?

Empathetic capacity is one of man’s greatest gifts. Whatever its provenance, the ability to empathize is one of the central tools necessary for creative living. As a father, I am deeply concerned that we find ways to encourage the development of this capacity in our youth, for their sake and for the sake of the future of our planet.

I’m sure that most of you have had an embarrassing experience or two in life where you were with a child who innocently made comments about a disabled person or perhaps about someone of a different race whose skin color they’ve never seen before. We human beings are fascinated with differences. In previous eras the comments may not have evoked such awkwardness, but we’ve considerable social progress over the last few decades and prejudicial treatment of others along the lines of race, color, sexual preference and physical disability is now much less tolerated.

The social progress of which I speak was wrought by the invisible hand of empathy. Empathy is the precursor to respect. If you’ve ever suffered malicious treatment by another either directly or indirectly, overtly or covertly, you have felt the effects of a shortage of empathy.

What concerns me, however, is the trend toward self-righteous indignation. It is challenging to watch the news or read the paper these days, for if content is indicative of what generates subscribers and readers, then it is clear that self-righteous rage sells. The recent Shirley Sherrod episode is a case in point. When whipped up in a self-righteous frenzy, as was the case following the blogger’s post, people react without thinking for themselves. The facts of the matter, the concern for the whole story and a reasoned approach go out the window and the results are typically regrettable.

Self-righteousness is a force that first mutes, then corrupts the capacity for empathy. If we fail to teach our children how to use their capacity for empathy, the world will become an uglier place. On a recent flight to Vancouver I read an article about actress Susan Sarandon who was speaking about raising children. She admitted: “The only thing that ever frightened me about having kids was this idea that those who were really privileged did not have passion. I don’t know how you help someone who is not interested in anything.” To prevent this from occurring in her family, she instituted a compulsory rite of passage that involved helping others.

Community service is an excellent way to prime the pump of empathy. Volunteerism comes in many shapes and sizes and taking time to serve others can give you and your children a means of helping others. An old friend of mine started a charity that procures and installs computers for children in developing nations. His entire family travels with him and they have a blast!

There are less adventurous ways to get involved. Just ask around your community for ideas!

5 Responses

I think you’re absolutely right that volunteering service can either “prime the pump” of empathy, or pump the pump faster so that more empathy comes out. This is an important issue, and I appreciate you writing about it!

sometime ago when my son started asking where daddy was going each day, i began telling him i was going to “help people” (rather than “work”) – this is in fact how i feel about my job. And this has lead to conversations around who he has helped each day and how – he’s delighted to reach out and help others and then come back and report about what happened. His brothers are also picking it up 🙂
The idea you suggest takes this a step further – it’s something we could do together and even with community on a regular basis – what a learning experience this could provide – thanks for the suggestion!

So many important points here. We each are a part of the whole, so I really respect your suggestion for community volunteerism. It is how my parents raised my brother and I, and we were fortunate to have it emphasized by many of our teachers and coaches as well. Never underestimate the power of your example.

Our concern should always be, “how can we help someone else,” and there is always the opportunity to do this – family, friends, co-workers, children, community, etc. The more empathy we have, the less room there is for self-righteousness!