Living by the motto: life's meant to be lived.

Ya Gotta Do What Ya Gotta Do

Between you and me, I’ve always been pretty grossed out at the thought of watching kids crawl in public places. The germs, the disgusting things they could find on the floor and stuff in their mouths, how awful it must look to other people (“She lets her kid crawl on this nasty floor!”) … the thought made my stomach turn.

That is … until I got stuck at Newark Airport for four hours last night … At that point, all those thoughts went out the window.

Backing up, Luis had flown back the night before after my cousin’s wedding (he had to work and had class in Ann Arbor last night) so I was flying solo with Maya. On the way to NJ last week, our delay was only an hour … which was fine. I had managed to entertain her with her books, we sang and played, she fed herself Puffs, drank a bottle … we chatted with EVERYONE in the gate area (she’s such a flirt!). It was OK.

But on the way back, it was nearly a four-hour delay. A seasoned new mom traveler, I had planned ahead and had enough bottles, diapers, wipes, food, snacks and toys. But this was four freaking hours.

The truth is, Maya needed to move. We’d been delayed so many times and she was getting antsy. Nothing was making her happy, least of all those two tooth buds we can see now. She just wasn’t herself. In fact, every time the phone would ring (family or husband calling for an update), she’d take my iPhone from me and hang up on whoever was calling! The nerve ;) She would arch her back, shriek, wriggle … totally un-Maya-like (and surely toddler-like) behavior … but also behavior of a baby who had spent the weekend mostly sick (we had another ER visit … no febrile seizure, though we think she started having one at one point–turns out the high fever was caused by an upper-respiratory infection).

Point being, she had had it. And I was traveling alone. Mommy had had it, too.

So when she squirmed out of my arms, I let her go. I didn’t care who looked at me with disdain the way I probably (unknowingly) had looked at other moms; clearly I hadn’t understood before just how much children need to move around so they aren’t squirming all over on the plane. Now I get it, and I will reserve mothering judgment going forward! (And maybe I’m the weird one–maybe all parents let their kids crawl in public places?)

I didn’t leave her out of my sight of course, but I checked to make sure we were in an open space away from most passengers and I chased behind her, let her stand and pull herself up on the wall, the rows of chairs, the strollers … I let her cruise and let her crawl and let her exhaust her lil self.

And then when she was done moving and grooving and waving and smiling to strangers, I wiped the living hell out of her grubby little hands with those glorious Johnson & Johnson antibacterial hand and face wipes and forgave myself for not being able to control her otherwise. ;)

At 6:20 (with our flight expected then to board at 6:50) I changed her one last time, gave her a bottle, and she crashed in the stroller … and though we didn’t depart til after 8, she didn’t wake up once til we got home to Kalamazoo at 1:00 AM (and this included a run through the airport in Detroit to find Luis who fortunately had class in Ann Arbor and picked us up, a long 2-hour car-ride back from the airport, etc.).

All in all, she was a trooper. And for as “out-of-control” as I felt she was being at times, all the people near me kept complimenting me about what a good baby she was being, how sweet and cute she is, how well-behaved and calm she is. They weren’t focused on her two random shrieks or her red-faced “tantrum” at that one second … they know she’s a baby, and babies cry. Instead, they were so patient and understanding as our departure time got pushed back and pushed back –which made the otherwise stressful situation a little easier to swallow.

I have to say, I appreciated how their perspective could help me see “it’s not so bad.” Because she WASN’T “being bad.” In fact, Maya was just being a baby … and I was perhaps expecting too much from her. Sometimes I forget; she’s not a little 8-lb 6-week baby anymore who does nothing but eat, sleep, and poop like she did that first trip home.

She’s almost a year old now … 19 lbs 5 oz, and growing …. she’s still an excellent flier (sleeping on 15/17 of her flights) but she is an excited, eager, curious little girl who wants to explore her world and tell you ALL about it (in her own babble). And she needed to move.

I think what’s hard is that major travel delays like that are par for the course in this day and age … and they would have been OK had I been by myself. But I wasn’t by myself, which added another layer of stress to the equation. Fortunately, it ended up fine … though we missed our connection, Luis was able to bring us home anyway, and Maya got in a full 13 hours of sleep last night — no complaints there!

But I needed a chill pill, needed to be able to step back and say, “It’s going to be OK. If she cries, she cries.” And if crawling on the carpet in Terminal B is the solution … so be it! Sometimes we just have to let go.

I’ve learned that it’s a bad idea to go into motherhood with the expectation of “absolutes”. For example, I always said “I won’t use a pacifier.” Guess what, we did … from Day 3 on, Maya has had her giraffe Wubbanub.

I also said, “I’d never let my baby sleep in her own room before she is three months old.” Guess what, we put her in her crib at a month when we realized we weren’t getting any sleep with her in there!

I now know that many of those “won’t, never, etc.” type comments just come back to bite us. So while I thought I’d never let my kid crawl on the ground in a public place … in certain circumstances, I’ve learned, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Pretty “Jersey” of me, no? :)

How about you? What did you do that you didn’t think you’d do as a parent? Would you/did you let your kids crawl in public places?

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10 Responses

I’m never concerned with germs so the whole floor crawling thing would have never occurred to me. LOL But I’ve learned I’m more alone in that than I realized. In general we have great immune systems in my family, something I realized I’ve always taken for granted. That said, I also firmly believe children need to just be in the dirt sometimes.

Making that transition from a stay-still baby to an always-wanna-be-moving toddler is a hard parental one to make. I think now about when I was nervous about Nate crying in public. Now I pretty much can’t take him anywhere unless he will 100% be able to roam because he wants nothing else. But there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t make him sit or stay still – and, more importantly, I shouldn’t at this point. There’s plenty of time for that. This is exploration time, time to learn about the world around him and how to negotiate it.

My bigger “never” was TV. Nate was never going to see a blip of TV before age 2. Yeah, nevermind on that one. It still bugs me, though. It’s hard to let go of the things you didn’t want to do.

Candice, I think that’s where I’m at now … realizing this IS her exploration time. I think I just needed to get over the whole “what will other people think” aspect of that. Like you, I always worried about her crying — esp on planes! but the truth is she WILL be “that baby” one of these days and I’ll have to just deal. Babies cry! It’s not a crisis. Sometimes I forget what I learned in therapy about reframing and need a gentle reminder :)

YES!! We do sometimes put on Mickey’s Clubhouse or Baby Einstein — I wasn’t anti but I also didn’t think I’d ever use it as a crutch and there have been a few times were that was the only thing that worked!! And she LOVES the iPad and the interactive games … (Itsy Bitsy Spider is her fave!).

Oh god, I don’t let Nate anywhere near my iPad because he loves to throw things. Anything he’s done with, he throws. I missed the iPad window with him about half a year ago and now it’ll be maybe a half year before he’ll be able to maybe not throw it. LOL

I think I mostly fell in the camp of doing whatever was necessary … especially when it came to traveling. You just have so little control and those poor babes get so tired of being held. Its good to let them be free and then sanitize as if there were no tomorrow! :)

I tried not to set any “never” rules but I did want him to be a great eater and I have the opposite. I’m super bummed about that but its my own darn fault … I didn’t enforce the good stuff long enough/with enough frequency.

And, everyone who sees Maya, can tell straight away that she’s a great baby. All babies would have made some noise if in her position. :)

ha! this is so true. I have pretty much decided that as soon as the “MY baby will never do x” thought crosses my mind, that it is guaranteed to happen within the next 2 weeks. Tantrum at the supermarket? Check. Sitting down in the mud during a walk? Check. Falling off of our bed and getting a big goosegg? double-check. (that last one was scary but luckily H is OK!)

girllll, I feel your pain! Reminds me of our trip over the summer when Noa was 11 months. It sounds JUST like this trip and while rationally you know in your head that she was good and fine and no one would notice if she cried, it was stressful, especially on your own. And wears on your patience. I don’t know, but wiggliness sometimes really gets on my nerves in contained spaces.
And yeah, we totally need the TV sometimes as a crutch. I do it! I admit it!

Welcome to Let There Be Light, a blog about awareness, reality and growth. I like to think there is a "happily ever after" for us all -- no matter how long it might take to get there. To borrow a phrase, I'm a "recovering perfectionist" and I wear many hats: new mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, PR manager, blogger ... welcome to my world.