How To Get Rid of a Bully or Psychopath!

Some people would argue that there is a third option, confrontation. Yes you can go toe to toe with the bully either physically or verbally, but from my experience and studies this often simply makes things worse. As someone who is capable of feeling empathy and complex human emotion you are at a great disadvantage against a bully and more often than not straight confrontation will actually result in further and increased bullying and cruelty.

So let’s take a look at the safest options available to a target of bullying or abuse:

A bigger bully

Option 1: Finding a bigger bully – This method essentially equates to “telling on” the bully or psycho to a higher authority. In a domestic situation this could include calling the police and reporting the abuse, or taking out a restraining order. In cases of bullying from beaurocracies or state agencies you could report the case to the ombudsman, and tell the agency in question that you are doing it. About 7 years ago I got out of the clutches of a very nasty social welfare officer by threatening to report a case of bullying to the ombudsman. I was amazed how quickly and efficiently the office moved to make sure I didn’t have to see that psycho again! In school approaching teachers or the principal can sort things out, however this can also backfire if the bully finds out you’ve told on them so do be careful!

* How to find the bigger bully – Every bully or psychopath has a point where it is no longer beneficial for them to target and abuse you. When looking for a bigger bully, you want to make it so that it is no longer easy and safe to bully you. Bullies are cowards and when it becomes dangerous to bully you, they will back off and look for an easier target. Bullying is nothing personal. So try to identify what would scare the bully into backing off, what authority could you approach that would ensure that the bully would no longer target you, and would leave you alone for good. Once you identify the appropriate authority contact them with your complaint, and ask for anonymity if possible, if it leads back to you, you could be in for even worse bullying.

Bullying goes right to the top

* The dangers of using this option – This can be a dangerous tactic. If the report fails, if you tell on the bully but nothing is done about it you can be in for an even tougher time, especially if the bully knows it was you who attempted to report them. Sometimes the higher up you go the bigger the bullies get, even departments designed to protect staff or students can sometimes be filled with nasty people who could side with the bully! If the bully is brought before the authority he/she will cry, lie and manipulate the situation as much as they can, playing the victim and making you out to be the bad guy. This tactic is not without serious risks, tread with care and make sure the authority is powerful enough to really get the bully to back off for good.

So that’s option 1 for getting bullies and psychos out of your life. As I said I’ve had some success with this in the past, it’s a good last resort if you really can’t do anything to simply get away from the bully. But as stated it does come with risks so be careful.

Option 2: Remove yourself from their area of influence – The safer, and in my opinion, better option is to simply get the heck out of there. To remove yourself from their reach. In school this could mean moving to another school, or even doing home schooling if it is allowed where you live. I did home schooling for a number of years myself due to being targeted and bullied by a teacher in primary (elementary) school. In the case of workplace bullying this would involve changing jobs, or positions if possible. And in the case of interpersonal or relationship bullying this would involve leaving the person and blocking them from contacting, or seeing you.

* How to remove yourself from the bully or psycho – When thinking of removing yourself from the bully it’s a simple matter of working out what you would need to do in order to make it so that the bully cannot bully you. If you are in school you will need to talk to your parents and make it clear to them that you dread going to school because of a bully, and that you wish to change schools or do home schooling. If you’re lucky your parents will take you seriously and help make the changes necessary. In the case of workplace bullying you will need to consider leaving your job. Make whatever plans and preparations you need to and then hand in your resignation and get out of there. If it’s a friend, partner or family member that is perpetrating the abuse then you’ll need to move out (if you live with them) to a safe place, change your locks (if applicable) and phone numbers, block them on social media, or go off social media entirely for a while. If the psycho tries to force their way back into your life then contact the police and get a restraining order.

So glad I wasn’t in school with smartphones and social networking!

* The dangers of using this option – You willlose something with this option, there is always a cost to bullying. You may lose friends, a high paying job, money, possessions, a house and so on. However what you are guaranteed to lose by staying in the situation is your physical and mental health, your joy and happiness, your sense of future and perhaps even your life due to suicide or abuse. Removing yourself from the bully is the safest option, but don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s pain free. There willbe a cost but the feeling of waking up in the morning filled with hope and safety and joy is absolutely priceless, take it from me ;)

I also think of a great saying I once heard on the subject “When it comes to getting away from bullies, psychos and abusers, it’s not about what you’ve got left, it’s about what you’ve gotten away from”

And so whether you are dealing with a bully right now, if you know someone who is, or if you have been bullied in the past I wish you luck. There are times when we simply have to put up with a cruel and indecent person, and there are times when we have the opportunity to do something about it. But either way always remember that you have been targeted for bullying because you are smart, or unique, or different, or sensitive, or creative, or inventive, or caring. Your existence makes the bully insecure which makes you a target, but it is they who are the real loser, they who cannot feel complex emotions, they who cannot enjoy the beauty and joy of others, they who live in a constant state of excruciating insecurity.

And finally it is they who decided to abuse, hurt, taunt and hate, not you. You cannot be implicated in the misdeed of a bully or psycho. No matter how crappy it is to be bullied, it’s still better than being a bully yourself.

Good luck everyone, was the info presented here is useful and helpful? Care to add anything? :)

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71 thoughts on “How To Get Rid of a Bully or Psychopath!”

That was brilliant, I was bullied at school by the fat girls who thought they were so hard. I considered myself normal, OK Mum made me wear boy’s shoes but I didn’t think that would lead to bullying. If a boy came and sat next to me in a lesson, and they liked him, that was a thump on the bus, on the way home. I didn’t tell anyone, I got angry and started picking them off one by one ( they always bullied in a team ) No one should be bullied, and I feel so sorry for the kids these days, with all this Face book bullying. Great post Rohan and have a wonderful Sunday xx00xx

Thanks for the lovely comment and for sharing your story. I noticed that as well at school, when I’d get one of them alone they were all nice and chummy but when they ganged up they were all tough. Cowardly little things eh?

I’m sorry that you had to go through that, I’m glad you got through it :)

In regard to finding a bigger bully, my grandmother always said, “Whether you win or lose, at least get one good punch in to show you are not afraid.” I was always the smallest and thinnest of my class and it must have been funny as hell when I beat up two of the biggest bullies by getting that “one good punch in” — which scared them away permanently. But it was the “psychological” bullies that were (and still are!) hardest to deal with. See, I’m a lover, not a fighter, so I refuse to even “go there.” So I use the “remove yourself” method. True, you may lose something good, but in the long run you’re better off. One of my friends put it best, “Sometimes the universe doesn’t speak softly, it shouts.” That said, I’m grateful to these bullies for bringing me to a better place in life — on so many levels.

I too didn’t have too much trouble with peers, I once punched a kid two grades above me for calling me names which solved the problem. He actually apologised for it later. For me it’s always been those in authority, teachers and sometimes in the past when I’ve been at the mercy of state agencies.

It’s the psychological stuff that get’s too me too, thankfully through working on boundaries and learning about these subjects I now live bully free and I can spot one a mile away :)

Yeah, a lot of people don’t like themselves too much so they use psychological bullying, aka passive/aggressive. I do the boundary thing with them too and act so disinterested when they start with the “show.” They’re so transparent, right? :)

Nice article Rohan, I am pretty fortunate in life to have never really been the target of bullying, but I have seen what it does to others. Even though it doesn’t help the bullying is really a cry for help and representative of some deep seeded problem. Thanks for writing such a great post. I am sorry that you were bullied by a teacher. That is wrong on so many levels.

Oh I definitely agree, these people need help, and not every bully is a psycho, some of them even grow out of it naturally. Still for the target the most important thing is to take care of themselves and get out of harms way. We can empathize with the bully and even offer help, but not until the targets are no longer being abused, that’s always the priority.

Yeah, it’s pretty wrong, and I certainly don’t claim to have had the worst of it, there’s some real horror stories out there unfortunately!

great post Rhonan, bullying is a real problem and just admitting you are being bullied is a huge step. I have suffering bullying in my life but as you advised I have distanced myself from these people. I have a simple rule that works for me, to move away from the people who make me feel bad about myself and towards the people who have a positive impact on my life.

Thanks Athena :) That is a great rule (and actually the very subject of a post I want to write in the future!). There really are two kinds of people, those who lift us up and give us energy and those who bring us down and zap our energy. It’s all about moving toward the good people and away from the bad, you have it spot on :)

Hi Rohan. My particular bullies live across the road so I can’t get away from them – my husband’s brother and his wife. Even though they are not allowed on this property, I still find their proximity disturbing (due to their past bullying), so my latest tactic is to simply laugh them off in my mind. Not easy – great post! Julie

Great post, Rohan. I worked in an area for years where I counselled people who were dealing with bullies. Unfortunately in the corporate world the bullies get moved on or promoted only to find other victims and this plays out over and over again. Companies and corporations need to take a really tough stance on stamping out bullying, but you usually find that people in high positions are either 1.bullies or 2.hate confrontation. It’s a very tricky problem.

Thanks for the great comment Dianne! It’s so important, what you wrote. There are so many myths around bullying, that it ends after school, that there are people in higher positions that will stop the bullying. But what happens when the people in charge of stopping bullying are bullies themselves?!

And yes, in the corporate and public sector world bullies simply get moved on to different jobs or positions leaving a trail of wreckage behind them. It’s like the priests here in Ireland and other parts of the world. When someone complains about abuse do they get sent to jail? Oh no they simply get moved to another parish to continue their abuse.

That’s why I like to focus on what the individual can do to get out of the situation and protect themselves, rather than the “Let’s solve bullying” thing. It’s bigger than most people think, and in my opinion personal education, empowerment and action is currently the best way.

Yes, it’s really important to get out, get to safety and then look around and see what’s left. I think the thing that keeps a lot of people in a bullying situation is the belief that “I shouldn’t have to leave my job/school/neighborhood because of a bully”. And it’s true, of course you shouldn’t, it’s totally unfair, but it’s often necessary. Once the target is safe, then they can rebuild :)

As a young kid I had a little bullying, taking of dinner money that sort of thing and to be honest I just endured it, it was from multiple sources really but the main one was from another kid which was part of a large family that lived near us, I think it went on for about a year, maybe longer then one day he just didn’t do anything to me, didn’t nick my pocket money or threaten me, and that was it, it stopped.

These days I am not really bullied, I know it can go on in the workplace and such but it has never really happened to me, perhaps being 6” 1 has something to do with that, people tell me I look “mean” but that isn’t really me, although I wouldn’t put up with it now, and I think that is the thing, that in the past I did something to indicate that I was weak or vulnerable and they took advantage of that, that doesn’t make it my fault of course.

I was bullied repeatedly and indeed, facing the bully is not really good. I faced my bullies all the time and they always stopped but it was such an energy and emotional waste to do so. This is a very good article on the topic, thanks, Rohan:)

It’s true right? The cyber bullying, the things I hear kids saying to each other these days are really awful. I think the sense on detachment and anonymity that is gained through the internet or via texting/messaging allows these kids to really let loose, and the more kids that gang up the easier it is to not feel individually responsible.

Great post, man. I was fortunate to not have had an enormous bully problem, but I definitely had my fair share – I stuttered and stammered, and I was always around the bigger kids who were ready to pounce on that. Great insights – the world needs more posts like this.

This is a great post Rohan. I was bullied by a kid at school, and was too scared to fight back. I saw him years later as an adult. The look of shame on his face took away my feelings of anger towards him. I was bigger than him by then, but I just acknowledged him and walked away with a smile on my face. The best sort of closure.

Thank you Steve :) That’s a great little story. Many kids do grow out of bullying and feel genuinely remorseful as adults, they are not all career psychos. It’s great that you were able to get that kind of closure, to be the bigger man (literally and figuratively haha).

Oh wow, Rohan, how could a teacher bully you in elementary school?! That is just terrible, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Clearly you are a stronger person for it. Thanks for sharing your insights on this really important topic.

Hey Janice :) Yeah it’s pretty rough, I do gain some satisfaction in the fact that when my mother found out she berated him and brought him to tears lol! Still, my experience was small compared to some of the horror stories you hear when looking into bullying and abuse of Children, really bad stuff :/

Thanks for the comment Janice :) I’ve certainly learned a lot because of my experiences!

I love it when you write about bullies, cause you have totally figured them out!
Thanks to your classification of bullies from “7 Things That Made Me Genuinely and Irreversibly Happy”, I now also know what kinds there are out there and what are the best ways of dealing with them.

I have always had bullies in my social and personal environment. When I didn’t know what they were, I used to feel sorry for myself being mistreated. Now that I know them, I just feel sorry for these unfortunate people…

They do have their developmental tasks on this planet, but boy do i wish them all the best and choose not to pollute my karma with resentment at them any longer!

People, whatever you believe your karmic debts to your current tyrants might be, know that you are not obligated to stay among psychopaths longer than you cannot actually live your life anymore!

Thank you Sofia! That’s a really interesting take on the bullying, our karmic connection to our bullies. It’s funny because I have found so much good stuff because of cruel people. I certainly don’t go looking for trouble, but if it comes I know that there will be a lesson in there somewhere :)

As you say “People, whatever you believe your karmic debts to your current tyrants might be, know that you are not obligated to stay among psychopaths longer than you cannot actually live your life anymore!”

You put it perfectly. I think you could write a really good post on bullying with your unique perspective!

I usually refer to them as ‘energy vampires’ and make a stress on energetic draining during the bullying experiences. But you give the best socially-emotional perspective on bullying!
Just imagine, how many people your posts help! Bravo, my friend! And hugs to you to! :)

Hello Rohan thank you for this awesome sharing. With all due respect, may I take this opportunity to invite all who works against bullying and other forms of hateful behaviors to please support my advocacy and campaign. I am from the Philippines and I believe that it will surely be a BIG difference to have people with strong convictions on board in reaching out to children and young people so as to achieve a safer school environment. I wish to have people who can share more of stories and experiences etc as this is one of the major problems in our country. Please help. Thank you.

Good advice. I just have to mention that I once got a restraining order for an ex and they still kept hassling me. I agree about the workplace bullying, get out of there asap. Once I didn’t and it wasn’t good.

Reblogged this on Alison Amazed and commented:
Rohan is a terrific writer and musician. With his 7Things Blog he explores many healing paths. I particularly like his sound advice on dealing with bullies, so am reposting his post. It’s this quote that does it for me:
“But either way always remember that you have been targeted for bullying because you are smart, or unique, or different, or sensitive, or creative, or inventive, or caring. Your existence makes the bully insecure which makes you a target, but it is they who are the real loser, they who cannot feel complex emotions, they who cannot enjoy the beauty and joy of others, they who live in a constant state of excruciating insecurity.”

A great summary re. a very grave and important subject, Rohan! Bullying is as old as the world itself. There were so many cases of extreme bullying that came to light recently in the USA, some with gruesome outcomes. You are very brave and honest to share your personal experiences. :)
P.S. There are 2 more ways of getting rid of bullies: 1. The Buddha way: When bullying simply doesn’t matter because you’re just above it – in a different dimension, so to speak. I look into this way in my book, Catharsis (Legend of the Lemurians). 2. Higher energy always wins and light always drowns out the darkness – as you know, I address this in The Earth Shifter with how Sasha handles the bullies.
Actually, your post inspires me to do a post of my own about this important subject. I’ll link up to yours and give you credit. Cheers!

Say if a neighbour bullies someone in their road, would the victim’s only choice be to run away to a new place? As anonymity is the best place to be, because they can’t find you or continue it anymore. How are you meant to get a new home if you can’t afford it? Yet I can’t stay here. So my only choice is to leave em behind and go to a new town. As you just said, better to have lost necessities, than to wake up dreading how you’ll get through another day. I will have to starve and start my life all over again. As long as I’m away from the bully, then the rest won’t matter. Good riddance. They will have to deal with it. I will let my familyand friend’s know, by writing them a letter. I just won’t put up with it. I need to get away from it. Now. Not later. After all, why would I just carry on putting up with it? Certainly not for the rest of my life. I’m no doormat. They will just have to find another victim, while they ponder about where I am. Hmmmmmm. My mum knows who they are. They always smile and be fake and act all friendly. Yet me and her both know. This road is too risky to stay in. Wish me well. Hopefully by the time I find this page again, I’ll be updating you about the new place I’m living in. And will hopefully be getting food and water. It’s me putting my foot down saying enough is enough. I don’t see why I should have to stay where THEY are? Sorry Michael, did i hear a bit of regret there? Well you chose to behave that way, and now I’m gone. See ya.

Fakes/bullies aren’t bothered. I guess they’d rather see my mum crying about me being dead, than see her happy. It’s unfair to her and the rest who know me. Everyone is somebody’s daughter/son. I’m no different. Are they superior? No. What a silly world we live in now. The one’s who apologized to me are forgiven, but I mean the new bullies. Yes, you know who I mean, you volatile, unfeeling, unemotional creature’s. The one’s who don’t care what impact it might have on my family. At least I remained graceful and polite to people, throughout my life. Bullies can’t. They’re just about as insecure as a robber about to get caught. Why bullies can’t begin to respect themselves is beyone me, because it looks quite hilarious, that they’re stood there in really scruffy, stained clothes, rotting teeth, burping, while harrassing, yet I’m stood there looking smart as hell, in my dresses, like I made an effort with my hair, clothing, etc. At least I look like I made the effort with my image. I dress for myself, though. Not to impress anyone. Whereas, female celebrities have no choice but to dress for the camera’s. It’s sad that these pathetic pond life, have no life goal’s, and are just another piece of D.N.A from someone’s body. To look productive, you have to BE protective, but as we already know, pond life don’t do much at all. They might aswell be an abandoned ship lost at sea. So they say things, but they’re not always true. I am the only person who knows what I’m capable of and who I really am, so I don’t need someone else to validate that. Geez. Just because I might look innocent, don’t think I don’t carry a weapon in my bag, just incase I get attacked. Because I have a right to defend myself. lol

Sounds like a really difficult situation that you find yourself in. I wish you good luck in getting out and starting again. Sometimes we really do need to make drastic changes when things become too hard. It may get worse before it gets better, but I believe it’s always better to at least try to make a new start away from bullies that to simply watch things deteriorate over time.

Seek the help of trustworthy friends and family, suicide and abuse helplines and even the police if necessary. When you settle into your new situation you can find a good therapist if you like who can help you deal with the past issues.

Sorry if it seems like I’m spamming your post, but just wanted to add that if there’s government internet spies, and one is spying on what I type, then surely they’d at least have the decency to tell someone what’s going on (about my bullying), and surely they’d try to get me out of this house once and for all, unless they’re a sicko, who likes a bit of fighting. If someone from e.g, a bully victim organisation, asked me why I didn’t go to them for help, I’d tell them that they weren’t around at the time. Also, who am I meant to go to for help with this? I already told people I’m suicidal, so me staying here is far more risky, than someone who ISN’T suicidal. The bullying would escalate it. And we don’t want that. Mum wants to stay here. So, there’s not much i can do to get her to move out. She thought I was house hunting because of her. I told her, she hasn’t done anything wrong to me. Yet she still thinks it’s her fault. What will sadden me more, is not being able to spend Christmas, Birthday, New Year with my family, anymore. But what else can I do? I’d rather be away from the bully neighbours physically first, and once they’re out of sight, they’re out of mind. I just don’t want to be near them. They repulse me. It’s made me nauses a lot.

“What will sadden me more, is not being able to spend Christmas, Birthday, New Year with my family, anymore.”

Seems to me that you have plenty of things to fight for.

” I’d rather be away from the bully neighbours physically first, and once they’re out of sight, they’re out of mind.”

You’re probably wrong there. Many people hold grudges. It’s human nature. You can either outgrow them, or overcome them, by winning. ‘Running away’ means he wins, which in many cases means you’ll be the one carrying the grudge.

If you’re being bullied, I’d say you work on your self-esteem and work up the courage to confront him. You said it yourself: bullies are insecure, little creatures. So treat them like that. Talk to them like they are spoiled, little brats and intimidate them by being the more mature, more secure person in the conversation. Don’t attack them and don’t go for their little jabs, but make them feel stupid.

You can’t let a bully ruin your life, Sarah. Never allow that. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

I’m sorry that you’ve come across this evil, but you have to stand up for your life and fight it.

I’m having a problem my dsughter is dating a boy and he has been really a good bf till recently. They both graduated highschool last years and she jas continued to go to collage and get a job and he hassent. He wants to be with her all the time and when he’s not he texts her all his problems past and present things he clearly dosent want her help with but want her to feel bad for and he does this late into the night it upsets her.he told her last night he would hurt his self if she left My question is should I step in she’s 19

That sounds like very manipulative behaviour on the part of the bf, especially threatening to hurt himself if she leaves. This is not a healthy situation. Be careful, but definitely speak to your daughter about things and how you feel. Show her articles and info regarding abusive relationships, bullying and manipulative behaviour.

I’ve found telling everyone about him has helped – the police, our landlord, customers. He’s afraid of exposure. I tell people exactly what he is like.

I took a protection order out on him but as soon as it expired (6 months) he started again.

He has physically attacked me 3x and threatened to kill me – but last time I gave him a good hard kick in the leg. It felt great and I was empowered.

Now, whenever I see him I tell him to get fucked or call him a filthy name – making every interaction as unpleasant as possible for him.

I am also prepared to act violently to him. The law, landlord etc has failed to protect me so I will protect myself. I’m lucky – though I’m female and middleaged, I’m quite big and strong and know what to do.