So, here I sit , 1 month after my Blade passed away. There are so many unanswered questions from his sudden illness to his passing away 3 weeks later. You know, its hard enough losing someone you love dearly, but its even harder when you donít know what caused their death. Blade was fine when I left for work on June 2nd. I came home and immediately knew something was wrong when he didnít meet me at the door. I called his name but to no response. I found Blade laying under his indoor window perch. He was laying in a common position on his belly with his paws under his chest and his head up but he didnít even seem to know I was there. I brought him into the kitchen and tried to stand him up but he couldnít stand. He acted dizzy and walked to one side just like when a child spins around and then tries to walk. I also notice he had a slight tilt to his head. So I rushed him to the animal hospital where they took blood test and found he had a very high white blood cell count which meant his body was fighting an infection. By then he regained his balance so the Dr. said it may be an inner ear infection but didnít see all the usual signs. So we put him on antibiotics and in a couple of days he seemed ok but a bit sluggish. Just when I thought we were ok, he suddenly started dragging one hind leg. I took him to our Vet and they said it would be best to keep him there for a couple of days and give him strong antibiotics through an IV but never gave me any answer for Blade dragging his hind leg. So couple of days later I pick him up from the Vet and we took x-rays and found a couple of small tumors and an area on his spine that could have been an area of arthritis. We gave him a steroid shot and I was to give him oral steroids for a week and then go from there. We get home and I take Blade out of our pet taxi and to my horror he has NO use of either of his back legs. I call the Vet and he said he checked Blade just a few hours before I picked him up and he was only dragging the one leg and to watch him through the night and if no improvement to go back in the morning. Well that night he also lost control of his bladder. My poor ole boy stayed a little damp on his back side. I bring him back the next day and they say there is no more they could do for him there and referred us to another clinic that could run other test. I had 2 vets at our clinic and both had different theories as to what was going on. So that very day we go to the 2nd clinic and they take more x-rays and found a small amount of fluid in Blades lungs. We also ran dye through his veins to make sure there are no blood clots to his hind legs. His blood flow was fine. We run the same dye test through his spine and found an area of concern but unsure what it was. The 2 Drs at that clinic didnít agree on theories either. One thought it could have been a tumor but the other Dr said it all happened to suddenly to be tumor related. This was about a week since he 1st fell ill. The Dr. said to keep him there for the weekend and they would keep him hydrated and help him keep his bladder empty. So Monday rolls around and I called the Dr and he says that Blade is fine, he is alert, he eats, he is very talkative, he has a great personality but there is just no improvement with his hind legs. He says come on in , pick up Blade and we will show you how to keep his bladder empty and lets make him comfortable as long as he isnít suffering and just give it time. He said I cant commit to putting him down as long as he is like this. Blade was fine except for his back half. I was willing to do anything to give him every chance possible as long as he wasnít in pain. So I bring him home and Tuesday he was fine. Wednesday he was fantastic. His beautiful personality was all there. We slept on the floor with him so he wouldnít fall out of bed. And that was our last good night together. Thursday morning he didnít quite seem himself and when I got home from work I knew something was wrong. He didnít have any appetite and just didnít seem himself. So my plan was Friday morning to go ahead and take him back in to the Vet just to make sure there wasnít anything else wrong. Friday morning I noticed his breathing was labored. I placed him in his pet taxi and by the time we were on the road his breathing became irregular. I knew then this wasnít good. We arrived at the vets office and they took us right in and the Dr rushed in and I could see the concern on his face. We took x-rays and found fluid again in his lungs. Blade was really doing bad at this time. I was crying like crazy and I could tell that the Dr was trying to guide me in that dreaded direction. I asked him if Blade was his, what would he do. He said he would have to put him to sleep. So I agreed. He brought Blade back into our room. By now Blade had become still. I asked if they did it yet and he said no. The Dr. looked at Blade then looked at me and said that Blade was going to spare me that decision. He was dying as we spoke. So I just held him with all that I had. The room was so damn quite the only sound I remember was the ticking of a wall clock. And just like that , my Blade was gone. He was 12yrs old and before that June 2nd when he fell ill, he was fine. I asked the Dr what was the official cause of his passing and he really could not give me an answer. So thatís 2 clinics and 4 doctors and 4 different theories. Another thing that Iíve been thinking about, when the Dr and I were looking at Blades last x-ray, he said we could clear the fluid up but it would only come back and there was no improvement with Blades back legs. He said we could have improved the fluid in his lungs at least for that day. But 5 minutes later Blade was gone. I wonder if after I agreed to let him go, if the Dr gave Blade something before he brought him into the room with me where we were supposed to do the procedure. I asked and he said he didnít and that Blade went on his own. I just donít know. I just wish I knew what happened to my ole boy. Blade was the sweetest lil fella you would have ever known. I miss him so much. He was so courageous, so outgoing, so loving, so happy. A pure joy. I was so blessed to have him for the 12yrs. Blade was a bright and shinning light, full of warmth and love. He will live forever in my heart. Iím sorry for the rant and I donít know what anyone can say to make things easier. Thanks for listening. ----Shane

BusterBoo

July 21st, 2007, 11:35 AM

:sorry: to hear about Blade, he sounds like he was such a special little guy.

No words can make the hurt go away, but with a little more time, you will be able to think of Blade and smile....remembering all the wonderful times you two had together. Think of those special moments, but don't be afraid to cry. You have lost a part of your heart and it takes time to heal.

:rip: sweet Blade, you are now a special guardian angel :candle:

want4rain

July 21st, 2007, 11:39 AM

:candle:

pullin for ya. i hope you figure somethign out. :( they do an autopsy?

-ash

cpietra16

July 21st, 2007, 12:09 PM

I am sorry for your loss. I know what it feels like having a loved pet die and not know why. I've been through it many times. Just know that Blade is no longer suffering.
You should feel at peace for doing everything you could. He's at a better place and time will not make you forget but will ease your pain.

rainbow

July 21st, 2007, 02:05 PM

Shane, we are all here to listen. :grouphug: Most of us have been through this so we know the pain you are feeling. :grouphug: You and Blade spent twelve wonderful years together and he will always leave pawprints on your heart. :love: :candle:

xxjackyxx

July 21st, 2007, 02:12 PM

how sad for you

Lukka'sma

July 21st, 2007, 02:17 PM

So sorry to hear about Blade. It is very hard to say goodbye to our family members and with no answers as to why it just isn't fair.:rip:

chico2

July 21st, 2007, 05:07 PM

Shane,I was with you from the start,but even now reading Blades story makes me cry:sad:
All that confusion,the testing and prodding without any answers,it's just heartbreaking.
We do all understand how you feel,we love them soo much,they are so very much a part of our lives and when they are gone,although small in stature,leave a HUGE empty space.
You will feel better,knowing Blade is at peace,whatever made him ill,is bothering him no more.
One day you might even find your way to a shelter,choose an unfortunate abandonned kitty,you have a lot of love to give and there are sooo many wonderful cats out there needing it:cat:
I know it probably is too soon,but another needy cat,might ease the pain,not that he would ever replace Blade,they are all wonderful individuals,but I think Blade would approve of you helping a kitty in a cage get a wonderful life.

Cathy1

July 21st, 2007, 05:39 PM

I know it probably is too soon,but another needy cat,might ease the pain,not that he would ever replace Blade,they are all wonderful individuals,but I think Blade would approve of you helping a kitty in a cage get a wonderful life.

Sorry for your loss.
I agree on getting another cat. Missy died on Dec.8, 2004 and on New Years Eve of that year I brought home Zoey from the humane society.

dudabug

July 22nd, 2007, 10:31 PM

Thank you all for the kind words, they do help. I've loved and loss....and I've lost love ones but I feel I've never loss like this. But believe me when I tell you...I indeed do plan on adopting another kitty. I've actually got my eye on two. I just don't want to rush it on my other kitty. Blade, Quincy and myself have been together for the full 12yrs and sometimes I think she may need a few more days. But I will adopt again soon. Thanks again friends.

shredy

July 23rd, 2007, 01:40 AM

I am so sorry that you lost your baby, and I am sorry that you still don't have the answers you need. I am not sure what else can be said, but my heart goes out to you :love: