american taliban

Remember how last week we all got a little teary-eyed at the courage of Malala Yousafzai, who survived being shot in the head last fall by extremists who don’t want Pakistani girls to go to school, and who addressed the United Nations last week and talked about the importance of education, and its power to defeat extremism? Pretty inspiring, huh? Well, as they say, you know who else found Malala inspiring? Chuck Norris. Action movie star, creationist, and content producer for the internet’s largest repository of idiot conspiracy theories, WND. Chuck Norris admires Malala for her stand for education. To her credit, Malala Yousafzai didn’t even cringe at the thought.

THAT Chuck Norris wants you to know what a hero of education Malala Yousafzai is. She appears to be the one Muslim in the world he doesn’t suspect of secretly spreading Sharia law. He has all sorts of praise for her speech to the United Nations. The UN is an organization that Chuck Norris is also certain wants to destroy freedom forever by taking away your guns, but he gives that a pass this time.

Chuck Norris is cool with girls like Malala standing up to the Taliban and demanding to learn to read and write. Anything beyond that, though, he may have problems with. Girls certainly shouldn’t be exposed to sex ed, unless they’re told only to abstain. Girls who want to study biology need to understand that their high school teachers are all lying to them. Referencing the old joke that “There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live,” Norris explained:

here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: It’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live.

We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

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Chuck Norris is going to tell us more in a future column what he thinks a good education system should include. Based on what we’ve already seen of Chuck Norris’s thoughts on education, we have a feeling that, even with girls allowed in the classroom, Malala would recognize it. It would be centered on a holy book, it would emphasize obedience to God and to traditional family structures, it would prefer religious doctrine to modern science, and it would be taught by someone who always has a gun in his hands.

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).
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Um, yeah, so I am not a fan of Norris in the least, but Yousafzai is a professed adherent of Islam, which means she too would have to support the view that the universe and humans are of divine special creation, that homosexuality is an abomination (if not criminal), that female “immodesty” is sinful, and that sex outside marriage is criminal.