In honor of the first day of school tomorrow, I thought I’d take a look at something or some things we should be reinforcing in our students, tomorrow’s leaders. As educators, we talk about teaching kids to become life-long learners. Spouting facts is not nearly as important as being able to find and correctly interpret direct and implied meaning from the information around you. For instance, how context clues can help you make important decisions throughout your life.

Kids, sometimes, it’s all about subtext. Let us look at and interpret the below flier

I’m going to surprise all my readers with the following statement. For now, I’m just going to ignore the horrific grammar and the fact that there are commas splattered about this ad where, I believe, the author wanted apostrophes. Whether or not there should have even BEEN apostrophes there is another matter entirely…

So, at first blush this appears to be a poster advertising modeling jobs. The phrase “…model our new line of clothing” implies that this is an ad from a, you know, legitimate unnamed clothing company. Good, new clothing for you to model. Not a pile of clothing from the last victim er, model.

The use of the word “our” makes me think that this, again, is a company advertising for female models. Companies are usually staffed with many people. More people equals safety for the model. This isn’t a lone man with a laptop, black and white printer, poor grammar, a digital camera, a pickaxe and a toenail fetish–toe included. Only the toe included.

“…be in catalog,s and magazine,s for major department store.” Your photos will appear in many unnamed “catalog,s” and “magazine,s”, maybe even some department store somewhere!! Not just pictures on the confiscated laptop of some toenail fetishist, but your pictures published in “catalog,s” and “magazine,s.” Legitimate publications! Other legitimate publications that use photos: missing-posters displayed in department stores! The crime section of newspapers! Local and national televised news!

“…if you got a cute face and nice body and nice butt and nice breast…” Wow, this company is even willing and eager to take photos of beautiful women with one breast, like the Amazons or women who’ve had a mastectomies. How progressive of them…If you have both breasts maybe they’ll let you keep one of them for being a good do-bee.

“…email your pic,s showing you have all of that with info” All you have to do is send this company, this company that has an AOL account–not its own proprietary address, “pic,s” of your face and body and butt and one breast and your personal contact information to get a sweet modeling job. You aren’t sending nude photos of yourself with your personal contact information to some complete stranger, sharpening his pickaxe, living in his mom’s basement. No. Don’t be silly.

Kids, if you actually reply to this and agree to meet with this guy/company at his “studio” or his “workshop” or his “mom’s basement” or a “secret desert location-please bring a shovel to the shoot” don’t be surprised if his is the last face you’ll see in your short life. And I’m sorry that our public education system failed you so miserably.