Insecure

I love this postcard. I saw it on my friend, Billy’s wall post on FB. It’s so true and something we forget. We tend to compare ourselves, our lives, our spouses, our pocketbooks, our looks, etc with the best “highlighted reels” of someone else’s life. Just like how my friend inferred that I have a great life because of “my arm candy” she sees once in awhile in my posted pics. Yes, I have nice things… but that’s not all that my life is. And for the love of God lady, I had to pop out a kid, commit myself to a marriage, and have anniversaries before I got those things. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. But seriously, the outside looks more lavish than what’s really going on. I’m blessed, yes. But definitely I am not one you should be comparing your life to, because I’m probably looking in thinking, “wow, you have a great life… what’s your secret.”

Most people don’t post about major fights or the uglies within their homes. Unless of course you are me… and I divulge my whole life to the universe. Hehehehehehehe. So it’s imperative we not lose ourselves in someone else’s life.

I’m guilty of this insecurity too. I go to my daughter’s school and it seems like everyone is a multi-millionaire or a celebrity or involved in the entertainment industry (and for whatever odd reason… anyone in the entertainment industry just seems super cool to me 🙂 ). I have a blessed life and yet I see people driving up in their Masserati’s, Range Rovers, and what not and think… “geez, what do you guys do for a living?” I even asked my girlfriend, “do you feel the pressure to run with the rat race?” And admittedly, she said “yes.” (Her rat race is even worse than mine, it seems). It’s crazy.

I try not to get to involved in that… but I’m a human with good eyesight. Haha. I see. I observe. You try not to get too engulfed with that… but when you have a kid especially… you don’t want them to be the odd one out. The one who can’t afford to do the “Color Me Mine” activity, the one that doesn’t have the extravagant birthday giveaways, or the one doesn’t have a parent show up for EVERY SINGLE MOTHER FREAKING EVENT. It’s sickening. Yet, you get sucked in. I hate it. And sometimes, I hate myself for not being strong enough to be like… “I don’t care.” Because even if I don’t care… I don’t want my daughter to ask me…”Momma, how come I had to sit in class like a loner and draw on paper when everyone else was drawing on ceramic.” Her socialization and confidence are being built right now… and I know it should NOT be based on a “Color Me Mine” activity… (that’s just a hypothetical)… but those things matter to kids. They just want to fit in. And I guess at the end of the day… so do most of us.

I soooooooooooooooooooooo admire my one mommy friend who truly is like, “I don’t give a F@ck!!!” And I swear, she doesn’t. I love her. She’s my role model.