um.. yeah. no one's reading this. so what's the point? there isn't one really, this is just a place to vent. except i have no reason to. i mean sure i miss garett, but we've sort of started talking. my life is good. im happy. whatever.

yesterday i went "out" with this guy, but just as friends. except he likes me. i didn't tell justin about it because idk... he might think that something happened and NOTHING happened. but he's a guy and guys get jealous. im unable to comprehend why a guy would get jealous over me but it's happened a few times all the same. i love justin now, dont get me wrong, it's just really hard because he lives so far away. in virginia and im in missouri. i hate it. i hate it. I HATE IT! im lonely here. i've never gone so long without any sort of physical "romance" i could have cheated on him. i really could have. but i didn't. cause like i said i love him. and that in itself is weird. i've never really loved anyone before in my life, then again im only 14 so.. but still. the whole thing is crazy. this affection. before i felt all dead inside. like i was being suffocated and didn't care. im assuming that that's not the most healthy thing a person can feel. im just not normal. then again what is normal? normalicy, normalacy? is in the eyes of whoever is looking. just like the saying, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. so is everything else i guess... to an extenet at least. anyway im rambling a lot here so i guess i better go. it's my sister's birthday. (like i care right)

there are times when you're in the middle of a transition between who you were and who you're becoming that you turn around, look back, and want to run. i've always had social problems. like everything would be fine for a while and then i would say something stupid and ruin everything. but NOW i think i've got it. my place is still blury, except it's a solid place somewhere past second command and that's such a nice feeling. to have a place with people who get you. idk what they would think about the rape though... only a few people know and even fewer believe it really happened. that's hard to deal with. i wish i could win garett back as a friend, violet too. i miss her like crazy :( moving on is hard, i'm just one of those people who hates change. is anyone at all reading this?

um well something interesting just happened to me. my bitchy little sister just threw some bananas at me because she thought that i had dropped them on her head. i personally think she has anger issues. maybe therapy could help her. lol.i hate her. so fucking much.so yeah. how was your day?mine was actually pretty good.i have these jeans that everyone likes to draw on and they look pretty damn epic right now :Dand me and my best friend aurora were absolutely nuts 7th hour (pre. al.)i think people are beginning to wonder if we're smoking something.

did i catch your attention?no?oh well. anyway i just saw this thing by paul mccartney, about slaughterhouses and i have to say im sticking to the vegetarian thing from now on. that's it. i am SO done with meat. the whole thing made me want to vomit and passout at the sametime! what they're doing to those animals is so extremely against nature all my molecules were screaming: "HAVE THEY ALL LOST THEIR DAMN MINDS?!"honestly people, it's not the eating of animals i object to, because it's just apart of how we as humans are designed, it's the unnatural cruelty, the manner in which these poor pathetic creatures are being breed and kept is what i have an issue with. and if anyone's reading this at all i ask that you take a moment to check out the link im providing and ask yourself if that hamburger is worth it.

what can i say about the way that i feel for you? love. im in it, he's in it. that girl across the street is in it. the whole world is in love. nah. but it's lovely to think that this feeling isn't for me and me alone. it should be available to everyone everywhere.

you can love your bestfriend too. it works out. i promise. going from strangers to friends to lovers to bestfriends to bestfriends who are still lovers. it's beautiful.

ok i realize that this is random. um... today my mother yelled at me and i read a book AND it's not even 2:00. not a bad morning.

justin told me that he'll be in north carolina this weekend so i wont be able to skype with him because his grandmother doesn't have internet. it'll be kind of hard not seeing my baby for 2 days. but i shall survive and all that. im going to have difficulty sleeping tonight and i know it. when you've talked to a person everyday for the past like 4 months for hours a night, stepping out of that, even for a short time, is not something that shall come easy to me. ok i better go, thinking about it is making me a little sad and i've had enough sadness to last me a thousand lifetimes thank you very much.

now i'd like to say that i'm a relatively good and thoughtful person, that would be a complete lie. hello people of the internet. i'm not very nice, though i do care a great deal about things. being blunt is my specialty, if a 14 year old girl can have a specialty.

what can i say that will keep you reading my words day after day? nothing. there are millions out there with far more interesting and thought provoking words and ideas than i. more dramatic lives, prettier, richer, funnier, fameouser? whatever. i shall only ask that you give me a chance and attempt to weather through my various mood swings and maybe, just maybe, you'll find that you've grown incredibly fond of me and then we shall become very good friends.