Wednesday, December 27, 2006

"Shithell."That's was Timothy James Thomas, Jr., was probably thinking as Blue Jacket forward David Vyborny raced into the Bruins zone alone in OT.What were his four talented teammates up to, you ask? Good question. Perhaps they were chatting about Julio Lugo's pink tie? Giving Columbus a practice run for the seemingly inevitable shootout? Discussing the impending return of The Apprentice? (IN L.A.! The winners stay in a mansion, the losers STAY IN TENTS!!!) The answer to this question was unclear at press time.After being peppered with 20 shots in the 3rd period alone (19 saves), perhaps Mr. Thomas thought it WAS the shootout.Vyborny surgically deposited the game winner, and Thomas was not the only one ready to smash a goal stick into the nearest inanimate object. A disappointing ending to a game the B's should have won.

The World Junior (hockey) Championships started earlier in the day with Germany upsetting the U.S. 2-1, and Belarus upsetting Finland (and (Bruins G prospect) The Great Tuuka Rask).However, as a U.S. citizen, I do not really care about the WJC. I find watching people playing cards much more to my liking.

If there is no one available to watch play cards, an acceptable alternative would be to show 12 yr. olds spell words that you will likely never see or hear again, until the next time you watch new 12 yr. olds spell these same words. (A fairly hebetudinous exercise, if you ask me.)I would like to take this opportunity to thank the (self-proclaimed) "Worldwide Leader in Sports" for catering to my sporting preferences. Thank you, ESPN.

What was the Bruins game doing being televised on the Network Formerly Known as OLN anyways? I expect to watch all Bruins games on NESN HD. None of this Versus jive. The main reason people even have jobs is so that they can watch the Bruins and Sox on NESN HD. The Versus crew is very knowledgeable and does an excellent job, but it's just not right, somehow. (And any Sox telecast that doesn't include the words "Buenos noches, amigos!" isn't right either.)

But Versus should feel free to televise any and all Flyers games and/or NHL games of their own choosing, provided they do not coincide with the aforementioned Flyers and/or Bruins games. (I suppose Versus could televise live WJC action also, but I'll be watching the cards instead. That's how we roll in the Land of the Free.)

Also, the Bruins should strongly consider utilizing a goalie not named Timothy James, Jr. on occasion. T.J. is playing brilliantly right now, but he needs to be fresh enough to play brilliantly in the playoffs. (He is currently projecting to play almost as many games as J.D. Drew is projecting to miss with undisclosed injuries.) My suggestion to the Bruins would be to find a young Finnish goalie (because Finland makes the bestest hockey goalies) with a very Finnish name (such as Hannu Pekka, for example) and let him play once a week to give T.J. a break.

Failing that, I would like to volunteer my services as the backup B's goalie. As Mr. Belichick has, once again, chosen an inferior punter to play for the Patriots, I am available for backup Bruins goalie responsibilities. I can open the door to the bench, as needed. Chat with the Ice Girls. Sing karaoke with Zdeno. Needle opponents. Challenge Milan and Stanislav in Sudoku. Whatever is needed. I'll make B's fans forget Kay Whitmore. Give me a call, Chiarelli. You'll be glad you did.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Eagles 23, Cowboys 7. A playoff spot clinched. A dominating performance IN Dallas, against their sartorially challenged archrivals, including our old friend Terrell.Quite the Christmas present for Eagles fans.On this day, 46 years ago, the overachieving Philadelphia Eagles upset the Green Bay Packers, 17-13, for the 1960 NFL Championship. It was the only playoff game Vince Lombardi ever lost.The Packers won the next two NFL championships, with a 24-4 record.The Eagles haven't won a championship since.But, with a playoff berth in hand, an underachieving NFC ripe for the picking in the playoffs, a Super Bowl appearance, which seemed so unlikely after the McNabb injury, doesn't seem so implausible anymore.And, on any given Super Sunday, even the biggest underdog has a chance to leave town with the Vince Lombardi Trophy in hand.Go Eagles!