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I'll try not to make this too in-depth, but my reality is that i am 37,have been treated on and off from the age of 13 for so many possible different conditions - depression, random personality disorder traits, possible bipolar 2 disorder (which doesn't fit well), drug and alcohol abuse, along with who knows what else... None of the treatments have worked well for me. I have spells of a few good years at a time, then bouts of terrible behavior and feelings- but without the symptoms of typical bipolar. To be honest, I kinda know the DSM by heart at this point, have self-diagnosed several times, but have as well, for the last 4-5 years started to experience an "awareness" (that honestly at times feels like paranoia). The difficulty I have with deciding whether or not I am experiencing paranoid schizophrenic symptoms is that, I have actually have had so many traumatic experiences that I can't differentiate them from my PTSD symptoms. :) But it's not really funny, because this is affecting my life so much recently, that the good years that I used to have are waning fast. Most recently I have cleaned the crap (including bad people) from my life, but am too scared to even go on a date for fear of consequences. In addition, I have no insurance, no real money. I cannot afford to check inpatient and don't forsee it anytime in the near future. My only hope is to continue to self-diagnose, and hope that I can pay for whatever meds I need to live a more normal life. I can say for sure that I experience depression, strong PTSD, and paranoia. I know this is question is long (and out there)...but I really need some help. Thanks.

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1 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:I dont know what is wrong with me and am tired of self-diagnosis.I'll try not to make this too in-depth, but my reality is that i am 37,have been treated on and off from the age of 13 for so many possible different conditions - depression, random personality disorder traits, possible bipolar 2 disorder (which doesn't fit well), drug and alcohol abuse, along with who knows what else... None of the treatments have worked well for me. I have spells of a few good years at a time, then bouts of terrible behavior and feelings- but without the symptoms of typical bipolar. To be honest, I kinda know the DSM by heart at this point, have self-diagnosed several times, but have as well, for the last 4-5 years started to experience an "awareness" (that honestly at times feels like paranoia). The difficulty I have with deciding whether or not I am experiencing paranoid schizophrenic symptoms is that, I have actually have had so many traumatic experiences that I can't differentiate them from my PTSD symptoms. :) But it's not really funny, because this is affecting my life so much recently, that the good years that I used to have are waning fast. Most recently I have cleaned the crap (including bad people) from my life, but am too scared to even go on a date for fear of consequences. In addition, I have no insurance, no real money. I cannot afford to check inpatient and don't forsee it anytime in the near future. My only hope is to continue to self-diagnose, and hope that I can pay for whatever meds I need to live a more normal life. I can say for sure that I experience depression, strong PTSD, and paranoia. I know this is question is long (and out there)...but I really need some help. Thanks.

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