Sunday, July 6, 2008

Baby Abram is here. I'm back online reading blogs and now finally, blogging myself. As I type, Abram is crying in his pack n play and I'm ignoring him. I feel guilty, typical i know, but I must have some moments to myself, despite his crying. So i remind myself, its okay to let him cry, and i go along with what i need or want to do. Don't get me wrong, we have plenty of loving time, cuddling, talking, rocking, feeding, and sleeping together... he's so amazing. Words can't describe.

I was never the girl who thought or felt "i'm meant to be a mom" or "i can't wait to have kids". No. Not me. But after 7 years of marriage, we thought of adding on. I was 'on the fence' so to speak, for majority of my pregnancy. I feel guilty admitting that now of course because the moment i held abram, i thought, how could i have questioned whether i wanted this experience or not. I held him and thought - he's so big and he's so little all at the same time. He's so big - to have been living in my belly. in my body. and he's so tiny - such a tiny little creature for me to take home and care for!

He was two weeks early. I woke up at 2:45am on a tuesday night (May 20 - well technically the 21st) thinking, boy, i have to pee - or have i peed myself? i stood to go to the bathroom and water started dripping. As i relaxed in the bathroom - there was a gush. I say to husband "i think it happened" and he was up in a flash to run to the store, gather bags, take care of the dogs, and i called my OB. No rush. so we showered, taking our time, being sure we had all we needed.

As i said goodbye to sammy and nelly - i felt so odd, knowing it was the last time only they would be my world, because upon my return, we would have an addition. We got to the hospital at 4am, with mild contractions finally starting. 1 cm dilated. I refused petocin, hoping my contractions would come stronger naturally. but after 8 hours of walking in hopes of that (and only 4cm dilated), i took the advice of Dr. Wheeler and began petocin. Contraction came stronger, and faster and finally i asked for the epidural. Labor from there was a cinch. I only pushed for 18 minutes and then he emerged. His little body all bunched up and waxy was the most amazing thing i've laid eyes on. His cry the most precious thing i've ever heard. I was in awe. Born May 21st, 2008, at 5:10pm. 6lbs, 12 oz. 20 inches long. 14 hours of labor. SO worth it. The pregnancy that i hated - so worth it.