I LOVE foreskin

by Aubrey Taylor on March 14, 2011

I LOVE foreskin. I wish that were all I had to say. Unfortunately, there’s a comparison to be made, and it isn’t one of two different naturally occurring penises. If it were, I wouldn’t bother to tell people why I liked one and not the other. But, because there is force involved, and because I’m an activist opposing that force, I must also say that I can’t fully enjoy circumcised sex, and why. This is my personal opinion, and not something that anyone has to agree with in order to understand that forced circumcision is wrong; but it is just another example of how forcing amputation on one body effects more people than just the one who was cut.

When I first became sexually active, I wasn’t comfortable touching my boyfriend’s penis. Something was just wrong about it. Even though he said he enjoyed it, I felt that what I was doing must be painful. I didn’t know how hard my touch should be, and the friction creeped me out in a way I didn’t even understand. All it took was ONE stroke of an intact penis and I understood everything! There was no hesitation or worry that I was doing something wrong. It was sexy and fluid. I realized that there was a big difference and I started paying attention. I’ve been lucky that a good percentage of my lovers have been intact, and this is what I’ve learned about myself, and both types of penises.

Feeling connected is what I enjoy the most about sex. In fact, it’s probably 80% of my arousal. Intimacy is the point; the physical acts are just how I get there. So, if I don’t feel connected, the physical act is literally less pleasurable.

I am really oral. Meaning, using my mouth is a huge sexual turn on for me. There is something incredibly intimate about it. This is why I cannot date a smoker. Kissing should be deep and sexy, and the taste of unhealthy lungs really gets in the way of that. When I am giving head, I am not performing a service for the sole purpose of stimulating the penis. I am connecting, and making love with my mouth. I am right there, enjoying everything in the moment. I love to look at it, and smell it, and feel it, and taste it. I’m engaging in a dance with lots of different moves. If the foreskin is gone, my dance has fewer moves; that’s less enjoyable, but not actually the problem.

I’m a very compassionate person. That’s why I speak out against violating human rights. I see a crime against someone’s rights almost as a crime against myself. I’m sensitive, and the idea of pain causes me distress. The idea of a baby being forced to endure pain . . . well, you get the point.

When I discovered how a circumcision was achieved, I was VERY disturbed (read: cried all night). After that, when I gave head to a man who had been circumcised, the physical proof (a scar instead of a foreskin, and possibly other damage) of the torture he endured as an infant was an immediate mood kill. How could I connect with that? I quite literally had to regress myself to an immature place. I had to be me before I understood how circumcision was done. I had to forget what I had learned for a little while. Forget what I was seeing when I wanted to connect by seeing. Forget what I felt when I wanted to feel. This was like a numbing of my senses, a wall against reality. It worked, and I was able to feel connected and enjoy myself, but I was pretending to be a different person. It wasn’t ME connecting; it was the me of a few months, or years before.

As I am further removed from that person by time and change, that task has become harder and harder. The intimacy in that moment is about being fully immersed in the other person’s body. Trying to connect with a constant reminder of parts being forcibly removed from a screaming infant is impossible. Finding someone inside me who can do it is now so difficult I’m tired of trying.

The changes circumcision brings to sex are drastic and vast. I won’t state them all here, but I’ll go over the mechanical ones that affect me the most. Once the man has penetrated, the skin is pulled back to the base of the penis and when there's outward motion, the foreskin is what slides up the penis, NOT the vaginal skin. This keeps the wet inside, whereas, without the foreskin, it is dragged out with every movement and exposed to the air where it dries. Not only is there a risk of drying, but there’s friction too. By the way, the sexually responsive nerves in the vagina are pressure sensitive, not friction sensitive. So, while some women may find friction to be a psychologically arousing sensation that reminds them of what’s going on down there, I find it distracting and often painful.

The foreskin has tens of thousands of nerve endings. When it is pulled back the man has sensation down his shaft, so his strokes are deep and short, which keeps the partners close and intimate. A circumcised man usually wants to stimulate the head by pulling it out to the tighter vaginal opening, because it is the most sensitive part of the penis after the foreskin is removed. These longer strokes create a feeling of being further away, and can cause air to be pulled into the vagina (something I hate).

When I am distracted by all of these uncomfortable sensations and worries, then I am not really connected; I’m not really there. I’m dealing with the stress of the situation in my head instead of being intimate. So, since intimacy is a big part of what makes my sensations pleasurable, then I’m just not feeling as good, sometimes to the point of it not feeling good at all. And don’t forget, all of these differences remind me of WHY, and I’m back again to screaming babies.

It breaks my heart to think that what I have to say would make a man feel bad. Naturally there’s a variable in all men, circumcised or not, and there are lots of other things that make sex good or bad. For a lot of women, the issues here may not affect them as much, or at all. But I have to honestly say that as the genital integrity movement grows, more and more women are realizing why they have at times found sex to be uncomfortable or painful. I share because it’s the truth, and because it needs to be shown that the pain of circumcision isn’t momentary, or exclusive to the circumcised.

Discovering the truth was a pretty dark and painful moment, but luckily I found out about foreskin restoration that same night. It gave me the tiniest bit of solace to know that a man who feels this loss can do something about it. I know it’s not a perfect fix, but when I have to be the bearer of bad news to a man who doesn’t know what he’s lost, I’m so grateful that I can give it to him wrapped in the bright side: it can get better!

The above post is by Aubrey Taylor, a guest blogger who is an intactivist and fights for genital integrity. Her YouTube channel is whatUneverknew. She posts many intactivist videos advocating for genital integrity.

I thank Aubrey Taylor for providing another example of how a man's circumcision effects more people than just the man who was cut. She confirms that the foreskin is an important part of the male sex organ for both the man and the woman. ~ Tally

Comments

Aubrey, thank you for understanding the problems caused by circumcision and being so supportive of restoring men. Both my wife and I understood the damage done, but unfortunately (this was over fifty years ago) the information about non-surgical restoration was not available. Worse, it came too late for her to intimately know the improvement.
Best regards.

Thankyou Aubrey, unfortunately what you say is just natural and needn't be said except for that fact that infant circumcision exists. I feel the same way about intact female genitals yet never need to say anything because there is no female circumcision in my culture.

Thank you for writing on this subject!
I've only REALLY learned about circumcision within the last year and now every time I see my husband's cut penis I have feelings of grief and sadness. I think about what I'M missing and what he's missing (and doesn't care that he's missing). I think about what happened to him when he was so tiny. I feel like I'm being used rather than being connected with. And I don't see that these feelings will change in the foreseeable future. How can I live the rest of the my life this way?

I'm SO sorry to hear of your pain. So many women are having this secondary impact from learning the truth about circumcision, or getting involved in the intactivist movement. It is particularly difficult for women who are committed to men who don't yet "get it" or are going through a (sometimes unrecognized) depression due to learning what happened to them. This is a culture -wide trauma, and you are definitely not alone. I recommend seeking out a support group for women affected by male circumcision. Try to keep in mind that not recognizing the loss is necessary for a lot of men for a while so that they can adjust to the shock. I hope that with your patient support, he will grow out of his avoidance phase, and begin to deal with it. Then perhaps he will be open to restoration, or at least address your intimacy concerns. Don't underestimate the power of the kiss!!! Best of luck to you. \ /,,

Let me respond to both you you ladies, as a man. First off I want to say I liked your reply Aubrey. I think it should be read and studied in entirety and put into practice. I have some further advice to give. Shock is indeed the right word for some.

First off, let me say I appreciate and enjoy the fact that you are troubled by this. Really, as a man, especially in today's culture, I never know how much women actually care. Modern "Psychology" teaches us that we are all selfish creatures, so there is so much that causes one to be cynical. You help to disprove all of this. I am really really happy that you care, and are conflicted, though at the same time I hate to see you suffer. What can I tell you as a man?

Aubrey is right I think about the shock, and the avoidance phase. There are a few things I think you can do to encourage his willingness to get through that stage and go about processing the emotion and doing the restoration. One is to learn as much as you can about people who have restored. Gently plant seeds of hope in him, based on true experiences and real possibilities. It is easier to face painful realities, losses and traumas when you realize there is hope or a light at the end of the tunnel. That has helped me. But you have to be very subtle in doing this, so he doesn't think you're trying to manipulate him or judge him as he is now.

Secondly, help him grieve. I mean, we men like to be men, strong, powerful and protective of you. We don't need or want our women to become our new mothers, and yet paradoxically I think every man likes to be able to cry in his favorite woman's lap sometimes with her stroking his hair. He likes to be able to be totally vulnerable and know he can trust you to see him. You have to have this attitude towards his pain and grief. The sooner he can get through grief, and mourning, the sooner you can be better. Freud in one of his few good ideas talked about mourning and meloncholia. Aborted grief produces depression. Can you be a wife who helps him grieve? Your softness and silent wordles witnessing does more for him than any words can do, even such as asking him how he feels and those questions that women love to hear.

Third. You can't really expect to change a man or a man to change for you on your schedule. Men do change, and sometimes they even do it for others, such as the person they love. Generally speaking though, they must feel they are changing for themselves, or at least on their own accord and with their own volition. What you can do is just share your feelings. Share your feelings from your point of view, not as judgments or blame or criticism or condemnation. Share your hopes and dreams, frustration and issues, as they relate to your inner world and as if he is not responsible for them, and in the end be subjected and submitted to him at his mercy and decision. If he is a good man he will take your feelings and desires into consideration, to please you since he loves you. But you have to be subjected and submitted (not popular in our culture these days). This works much better than demanding, manipulating or withdrawing. Trust that he will do it for you, even if you are not sure. Trust is a great skill to develop. Have faith. Men love a woman's faith when she is asking for something she wants.

Fourth and the last I can think of is love. Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, nor does it boast. It is not proud or rude. it is not self seeking or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Do you love your husband? Are you loving your husband? Are you really?

About me- I am a cut man who is preparing to start restoring, as soon as possible. I have gone through a great deal of grief lately and there is more to come. So I know the suffering. I carry a deep envy for intact men, as a burning sensation in my heart. I know the tragedy. Behold my scars. I have to believe that with every sorrow or loss must come at least the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit, though I know now how or wherefrom. I have to have faith or I am dead. Am I any different than you?

I am uncomfortable with the idea of women calling themselves victims of male circumcision. It is his body. A man wouldn't call himself a victim of the analogous type of female circumcision (when the clitoral hood is removed) because she can't enjoy sex or something. A man would rightfully be criticised for saying he suffered secondarily due to childbirth if his partners birth canal stretched.

If I fell in love with a circumcised man, I would never consider myself to be a victim. If I loved him I'm sure we would find ways around any vaginal pain or penile insensitivity. That's what people do when they love each other - they want to make each other happy and will find ways to acheive that. The end of the penis is a very small part of of the body, and sex is a small part of a relationship. I'm not dismissing the trauma, especialy gender-related, caused by genital mutilation, I'm just saying that a cut man (or woman) can still be a happy and fulfilled person, and find love with someone who accepts them for who they are.

I was a teenager in the 1960s, when having several sexual partners before one's first marriage became the American middle class norm. (I am an exception.) The older siblings of my contemporaries were having a lot of sexual encounters in college dorms, where the restrictions on getting together were fading rapidly. Thus for the first time, a few young American women, including my wife, could compare intact and cut partners. It is not rare at all for a young American woman to have a go at a sexual relationship with a European or Latin American or non-Muslim South Asian. Thus more than one woman intactivist was born; several women have revealed this autobiographical fact to me in private messages. I did not foresee, however, that this sexual freedom would eventually give rise to an intactivist groundswell among younger women. I am sure that women who think and post like Ms Taylor leave your typical USA obgyn gobsmacked!

Ms Taylor graphically reminds us that women are the "consumers" or "end users" of the tip of the penis. It's attached to a male body, but teleologically, it is part of the female intimate realm. The moving parts are there for women's pleasure and stimulation. Circumcision is most definitely a major issue for sex positive feminism.

Hi Tally,
I am an Italian man living in USA and I was surfing on Youtube for a Tantra YabYum position when I found your video about Circumcision. I really loved it and especially your sensitivity and knowledge on the topic.
I had to force my wife to do not circumcise our son. My wife that is American was saying that he will be different from all other boys and he will feel uncomfortable! Fortunately I was tough enough to kip him uncircumcised and I am sure he will be happy when he growns up.

I would like to add to your video post that a man also lose a lot of sensitivity with circumcision due to the loss of vascularization. As an uncircumcise man I cannot say how much sensitivity you lose but I can say that the head skin become thicker, less sensitive with no lubrication at all. Also the shaft is less sensitive due the mutilation. Did you notice how many veins there are on the foreskin?
These statements are made from few of my friends that were circumcise because phimosis. They say that they last longer but I do not agree with them and eventually I do not trade the sensation that my entire body feels with a longer lasting orgasm.

I believe your boyfriend or husband is very lucky to have a woman like you that is able to understand these aspects of sensuality. For the majority of women oral sex is a way to please man not themselves. This apparent detail is very important for man like me that appreciate sensuality and every sensation of it.

Unfortunately I never found women like you that are able to fully understand the sensations of oral sex.

I am in complete agreement with every word you say. But you are so much more articulate and gentle in the way you say it. Thank you! There really is a difference. I'm convinced circumcision is the root cause of so much sexual dysfunction in this country--male AND female.

I am right there with the #3 commentor and patiently waiting for my husband to come around. I explained to him how the hardened glans (head) scrapes my vaginal walls and how difficult penetration is and that it could be better with restoration. I explained that having a protective covering would restore feeling in the glans, restore moisture and restore the gliding, massaging functions that were lost due to his circumcision. He is an incredible lover (the best!!!) and it is sad that both he and I could have more joy from sex. It is sometimes uncomfortable and distracting.

As a woman, my foreskin is fun; it glides around during sex and makes the "getting" there more enjoyable. I'd imagine that male foreskin is fun as well and you confirm from your experiences and the experiences of many other women who prefer an intact partner 9 to 10 (O'hara and O'hara). We are so thankful of learning about the functions of the foreskin and the many sexual benefits of an intact penis because our son was saved from this sexual oppressing tradition. Thank you again, awareness is key. It is not about making a circumcised man feel bad; it was not his choice and his parents aren't bad parents. They were just misinformed. Now it IS time to MOVE FORWARD and break this cycle of genital cutting.

I have felt grief over my circumcision for much of my life, since I reached puberty and understood what I lost when I was not even hours old. I would give anything to be whole.

I wanted to thank you for your intense and thoughtful words. They had a complex effect on me. As you warned, they did hurt tremendously. Listening to you read this essay is something I'll never forget. It did not change my mind, as there is no where it can change to, but enhanced my sadness. I am comforted by the fact that you will have a similar effect on others, and as a result more children can be spared this horrific, barbaric practice.

Physical restoration is not the only kind of way that a man can regain sensations and experience which are lost to circumcision. When I learned about the differences in the way that intact and circumcised men make love, I changed the way that I stimulated myself and the way that I moved during sex. The change took time, but eventually I re-trained myself to behave a more natural way, which has helped my partners tremendously, and has yielded sex which is indescribably better, closer, and more intense than before I understood the difference behavior between natural and circumcised.

Now I am doing what I can to convince my skin to grow. I hope that one day, in a future when circumcision is an anachronism and all boys are left whole, I'll be able to tell the story of how I used my own hands and mind to rebuild a part of myself that my society took.

Sorry but I hate being uncut. I'm 32 and everyone I know knows I'm uncut because I showered after football practice in high school or I slept with women who told other women. It sucks being different and ashamed! My parents always said they didn't want me to hurt and my response was always I wouldn't remember it anyways....so now I am forced to be different the rest of my life. I guess I could find a doctor but its too late and I would remember the pain. Oh well!

Your parents failed you all right, but not in the way you think. They were right to protect your body, but they failed to teach you that conformity is not the seat of self-satisfaction. Somehow being different is this huge problem for you. WHY? You aren't different from most of the men in the world. It's sad to think that if most people in your social circle were missing their left testicle you would lament having yours. There's nothing shameful about the normal body, so don't be ashamed. That's letting other people's messed up ideas mess you up. Self-love will always evade you if you live your life like that. \ /,,

To "uncut is a curse"......I feel so sorry for you that you are that unhappy with your normal natural body. Especially since your unhappiness comes from not "looking" like others in the high school shower and female gossip. What a shame! Honestly, many women do not understand or appreciate the natural anatomy of a male, especially in high school. That is what happens when people are immature and uneducated on these things. But you are wrong, you can still choose to get circumcised and so what if it's painful? Pain should not be an obstacle, unless it's not really that important. My hope for you is that at some point, you discover how lucky you are to have had parents who didn't alter your body as an infant and that you have a body that is whole and normal. I hope that you one day find a woman who is not shallow and ignorant, and the two of you can enjoy your bodies as nature intended. One day, you will be appreciating the fact that you are able to enjoy your whole genitals and it won't matter who you look like or don't look like.

I strongly suggest you do a study of Toxic Shame. A good start would be John Bradshaw's book "Healing the Shame that Binds you". He also has this series on youtube. I would even venture to say that toxic shame as opposed to healthy shame is probably the single most destructive psychological emotion, responsible for more trouble than any other single thing, though it gets connected with many other things.

Please, all I ask is that you don't do anything stupid to yourself, and appreciate the fact that many many men, myself included, wish we could be in your shoes. So envy runs both ways buddy.

In high school I more or less felt as you did, with one big exception: no one knew I was intact. I vowed to get myself cut in college, but when I got to college, I procrastinated. In those days, 40 years ago, there was very little pro-circ talk outside of the maternity ward. One day, near the end of my sophomore year, I read for the first time that being intact was not unhealthy. When I was in graduate school, the local paper one day had a substantial article revealing that the AAP had deliberated RIC in 1971 and 1975, and come out against it. In 1979, the trade association of obgyns had endorsed the AAP's position. In 1983, I chanced on Wallerstein's landmark 1980 book, and I became an intactivist. But I did not begin appreciating the sexual advantages of being intact until my 40s, and I have learned a lot about my intact penis after 55 years of age. When I met my wife in my late 30s, I discovered that she knew more about intact sex than I did! I now am deeply grateful to my mother for refusing to consent to my circumcision.

Thank you for speaking the truth, honestly and clearly. It's the truth that sets us free from the delusion.

I believe that circumcision has been forced upon men to make them less sensistive and more willing to engage in cruel acts such as torture and war. It's an initial impinting on the infant boy that the world is a hostile place and he must protect himself. It's a crime against nature itself.

as one who wasn't asked, I have no choice and therefore no opinion! If the decision was bases on skin or no skin, I would loose. But since adults don't make those kind of satement, I must be free to be judged on my other attributes (like who thick my penis is!

I'm european, and came to the USA as a teenager. I remember going round a friend's house to swim in his pool. The thing that I really remember was that the glans of his penis were bare. This was the first time I had seen a cut penis. Mine was completely covered. Not knowing about circumcision at the time, I thought this rather odd. Years passed, and I went away to college. The second year, I was in a dorm with a communial shower. At that time, my foreskin covered most of my glans, but not all of it. I was self conscious of my foreskin at the time, and of washing under it infront of others. So, I would pull my foreskin back, so it was behind the edges (corona) of my glans and exposed my glans completely. I got in a habit of doing this before I went to bed each night. Over time, my foreskin got shorter and would only cover the edges of my glans (corona).

Years later, my foreskin remained short, and I thought that this was a normal thing for the foreskin to get shorter with age. After reading articles about foreskin restoration, I realized that mine had gotten shorter from what I had done back in my college days. I decided to make mine longer again. By gently stretching it manually, it has taken me about 10 years to get it to cover the glans again. I do notice that the glans is not dry like it was before, and that there may be a bit more sensitivity. But, this isn't a good comparison to a person who was circumsized, as I had never lost the total function of my foreskin.

I would never recommend circumcision to anyone. If a person is so embarrased by their foreskin, I would recommend that they do what I did. It can always be stretched out again. And, I'm sure that if I decided again that I wanted it short again, I could keep it behind the glans and it will get shorter over time. If need be, it can be taped in place if it moves while doing this.

My question, now that I know how to make it any length that I want, what length would be best in terms of function and looks. Should there be some degree of "overhang" and if so, how much? Also, what would be too long?

Who is this guy?

Restoring Tally is just an ordinary guy who had to confront his prostate and circumcision problems. This site chronicles his journey in dealing with these issues. He has had prostate surgery and he is restoring his foreskin.