Blogs With Books

Edward Hotspur talks to himself every morning. But really, he’s talking to you through his digital voice recorder about humor, sarcasm, philosophy, love and life. This collection of 51 essays somehow combines topics as divergent as technology, trees, deadlines, fairy tales, evolution, fantasy football, windshield wipers, shopping centers, wine and sunsets so that they work together – often within the same essay.

Edward Hotspur is a world-famous author and witticist. The world just doesn’t know it yet. He loves cynicism, wittiness, one-liners, awful puns, music, cooking and left-handed salads. He adores referring to himself in the third person. He had no help whatsoever writing this description.

There will seem to be no rhyme or reason to his topics, but there is an underlying message/theme running through all of them: He is awesome. Or possibly insane, though the two are not mutually exclusive. He makes you laugh, he makes you wonder, but most of all, he makes you think.

“Lotion for the Locust” is a collection of short prose pieces–vignettes which range from the occult and esoteric to derailed relationships and prostitution. A quick but thought-provoking read.

“A Glutton’s Bounty” is a collection of poetry, consisting of forty Conformalist pieces. The Conformalism movement is one I started, combining Confessional with New Formalist poetry. Basically, I reveal my deepest secrets and sins, but in rhyme and meter. Think Shakespeare, but dirtier and with more violence.

The Taurus Reach: the source of a secret that has driven the great powers of the 23rd century to risk everything in the race to control it. Now four new adventures-previously untold tales of the past and present, with hints of what is yet to come-begin the next great phase in the Vanguard saga.

Witness the dawn of Starbase 47, as Ambassador Jetanien faces choices that will shape the future of Operation Vanguard…follow journalist Tim Pennington as he reaches a crossroads in his search for the truth…see how the crises on two colonies transform the lives of Diego Reyes and Rana Desai…and travel with Cervantes Quinn to a deadly confrontation that will change everything-all in one unforgettable Star Trek collection.

In the Willamette Valley: a queen gathers her court around her in a new land and dares to hope for love; a mother protects her daughter no matter the cost; a dragon lies slumbering, forgotten by the world; a grieving man struggles to honor the dying wish of a loved one; the past and the present collide. Gathered within these pages are thirteen tales centered around Eugene, Oregon and its environs, exploring the magic and wonder of this lush green valley.

After being pronounced a lightworker by a psychic from Sedona, all Stasia Minkowsky wants to do is smoke a joint, get drunk and forget about it. The only problem? It’s not working.

Desperate for answers, she is guided to her first Native American sweat lodge where most participants are in recovery for drugs and alcohol. Cautious about “drinking the Kool-Aid,” Stasia’s once guarded exterior begins to unravel with the power of the ceremonies and the path known as the “Red Road.” Under the guidance of a goofy yet reclusive Native American teacher, she is buried in a hole for her vision quest and the only white woman dancing in the spiritual piercing ritual called the Sundance.

But as her rites of passage into the ceremonial path become deeper, so does her understanding of the blemishes and betrayals of following a spiritual path. The lure of her old lifestyle is never far from her thoughts along with a nagging question about the pain of growing consciousness. If this is truly the path to becoming a lightworker, why is it so friggin’ hard?

A self-reflective memoir about what it means to follow a modern-day spiritual path, “Skinny White Woman” is a raw and unrefined look at the human journey to find the spirit within.

“Hi. I’m Superman. I must be. I have more money than the government. That will change next week when I pay my taxes. I own a few companies, which keeps me in spending money. Actually, a couple of them rival Microsoft in size—and if you can trace any of them back to me, you’re good, damn good. I can out-work, out-fight, and out-fuck any man I’ve ever met. The scars that adorn my body come from miscalculation a couple times, overwhelming odds more often, and just being in the wrong place at the wrong time once in a while. They were caused by bullet, knife, bomb, assorted violent impacts, and the surgeon’s scalpel. I am on friendly terms with the leaders of most of the countries on Earth. The rest I deal with from a position of overwhelming strength. I have many names; some are even acceptable in mixed company. The one I usually go by is John. It’s a nice, common name. Every language has its own version of it: Juan, Johan, Jean, etc.”

Do you remember Pet Rocks? How about Beanie Babies? Geez, do you remember anything? Well, this is that gift, the one worthy of trampling and pepper-spraying. Actually, WalMart won’t carry Toiletry From A to Z, Something to Do While You’re Taking a Poo because it discusses something the People of WalMart don’t want to discuss, which is everything that happens in the bathroom. It’s a small, die-cut cutie with single-line drawings and fun facts about your bodily functions. Why gift a bottle of wine at your next party when you could bring Toiletry from A to Z? And we give money to Colorectal Cancer Research for every book sold. It’s a no-brainer.

“A stark and moving biography of a Ukrainian who lived through Stalin’s terror followed by the cold brutality of the Nazis. Andy Szpuk transcribes his father’s memories of his childhood and his journey through unimaginable hardship across war torn Europe to freedom. An awe-inspiring account of survival against enormous odds.”

Cove Castle, having survived for around 850 years is showing every sign of neglect.

Lengthy repairs and restoration are required, and the problem is the estate is skint. Serious revenue has to be created to satisfy the upkeep of both house and family. Most of the initiatives put in place are hilariously ill-fated. Activists occupy Cove Woods, where the annual shoot is essential to the estate’s survival. A dog show ends in disaster. A film crew, recording a ‘period drama’ in the grounds, films more than it bargains for. A bungling handyman causes more damage than he repairs, and members of the public, admitted for the first time ever, cannot believe their eyes.

The Family

As if all this is not enough for Cove Castle to cope with, the lunatics start running the asylum.

An assassin stalks a hated member of the family. The in-laws try to seize control of the castle and the Marquess prepares to buy a Thai bride to provide an heir to the family line. The Marquess also starts to dispose of ‘the family silver’. Dodgy dealings are exposed and marijuana is discovered in the vegetable plot. Family and friends frolic naked in the moat, and ghosts go on the rampage.