One more. I was at work and my manager asked if I would sweep the bathroom. Sure, no problem, I don't mind sweeping.

Except this time. In just the ladies room, I found a used diaper, wadded up used toilet paper (why??!! People have told me that in some countries you don't flush toilet paper down the toilet. Well, if I went to those countries, people would expect me to know that and not flush it. It would be considered rude of me to ignore the local practice. Can I not expect the same respect?) and, worst of all, period stained panties.

Blech....

-Ulla

I used to work at a place where there were a lot of people from other countries working there. There were signs in all the bathroom stalls that said, "Please put your used toilet paper IN the toilet and NOT on the floor."

Then imagine the sound of two of the bones in her leg breaking. Imagine that sound in the quiet of the mountains. Yes, everyone can hear it. It is an unmistakable sound.Still makes me shudder to remember it.

Probably the exact same sound as when a cow kicks you in the arm....

Can anyone say "orthopedic surgery"?

Logged

"I think her scattergun was only loaded with commas and full-stops, although some of them cuddled together for warmth and produced little baby colons and semi-colons." ~ Margo

I was eating a McGross burger one day, and had mowed through about the first half of it. I took another bite, and saw - to my horror - a big black hair coming out of the burger. I pulled the burger away and realized that about 8" of the hair was already halfway down my esophagus. I immediately dropped the burger and slapped my hands over my mouth but it could not be contained. The vomit spewed through my fingers and out my nose, all over the kitchen table. I was ejecting little bits of burger from my sinus cavity for about three days afterward!!!

When my brother and SIL first moved in together, they got a kitten. For some reason, she didn't like the litter box very much - and pooped in my brother's hand while he was sleeping. You can see where this is going right? Something tickled my brother's face so he brought his hand up to brush it away. He awoke with a face - and mouth - full of cat poo. EWWWWW!!!!

ButterflieRJ

Trixie, my ever-cute and full-of-personality pooch loves to toy with bugs, much like a cat, before she eats them. Imagine her joy when we visited my parents house and there were a ton of CICADAS (you know, the icky, red-eyed 17-year ones?) in the grass just waiting for her to disable and bat around before consuming. See, we don't have cicadas by us, for whatever blessed reason.

The vet said they were ok to eat, the news reports said they were ok, and a few random websites said they were ok. So what's the harm in it? She was having fun, it was cute, and they weren't out in full swarm yet, so she really only ate between 5 and 7... or 10. Not including however many my mom DIDN'T catch her eating, 'cause the devious little thing (the dog, not my mom) kept faking that she had to go out to go play with (and eat) more of them.

Headed home about 30 minutes later to drop the dog off and head to BF's bro's house. I called him to let him know I was on my way and would be there in about an hour and a half. I put my cell in it's customary place in my cup holder and it didn't make that tell-tale sound it usually does. "Well crud, I must have dropped it between the seats" I thought. Luckily I peeked instead of just reaching down... because the dog had puked. In the cup holder, on my gearshift, on my $12 tube of lipgloss, on my cell charger cord, on the floor, in the parking brake housing, and a smidge on the seat. The reason my cell didn't make it's customary sound? I'd put it down in dog puke.

I nearly caused an accident slamming on my brakes and swerving in shock and disgust. I gagged numerous times, rolled the windows all down (it stank), and eventually made it to a sidestreet, where I pulled over, found 1 untouched napkin, wiped of my cell (which wasn't TOO badly gunked up) and called my uncle--lucky for me I was less than 1 minute from their house and I was POSITIVE they had a wet-vac... could I borrow it? "Sure, come on over!... No, we don't have any cicadas," he said.

Well, he didn't intend for me to use it THERE, and I wasn't going to take it home (no hose to rinse it out with--live in an apartment). I didn't want to wait 30+ minutes to get to a carwash to use a $2.00+ per minute vacuum. I was tossed a roll of paper towels, some antibacterial all-surface cleaner and a garbage bag.

But when there's wings, legs, other random body parts and HORRID red beady eyes staring back at you... I can't. It took me 25 minutes to clean up. My uncle watched, holding the dog, who also watched... both of them looking THOROUGHLY amused (did I mention that the dog is Ms. Personality-Plus?).

I *was* kinda excited for the cicadas... I remember the last time they came out.

ILikeShinny

erm - yep. That and more (I told you it was gross! ). Hospital said it was some kind of 24 hour flu-bug (they didnt really know), because I woke up the next day fine (a little weak, but ok). I honestly dont know how I made it to the phone to call my bf (actually dont remember), but he said I wasnt making sense on the phone, so he knew something was wrong, and made record time to my house. When I got home from the hospital, my house was spotless - which is another reason I love my bf.

Ok, even though this forum is anonymous, I feel really exposed right now.

I had the same bug, but luckily for me I had relieved myself before the vomiting started.

Our cats are dumb, and over eat sometimes. One night, our youngest cat, Debo, through up and down the stair case and pooped on the top step. You can imagine how happy my mother was about the present Debo left her, especially when she stepped in the vomit.

I got constipated years ago, did you know they don't do enemas in the restroom? I was so constipated that they had to use a milk and molasses enema. As yummy as that sounds, it was not. It smelled horrible. The moment the gave me it, I had to go. Right then, and the restroom was fifty feet down the hall. It went every where as I tried to do a mad dash to the bathroom. It got on my socks, and they got lost and never washed. You can't even imagine how they smelt when I fount them months later.

The car needed to go into the shop, so I dropped dh at work and got the car in first thing.I expected it to take some time, but I had planned ahead.I had a book to finish, an errand to run at a BigStore nearby and, most importantly, a Tim Horton's* to hang out in. (*Dougnut place)

I settle in to Tim's with a coffee and my book.

Two large coffees, one book and about 4 hours later, "nature calls".Since BigStore is now open for my errand and I want to stretch my legs, I gather up all my things and head to the ladies room.As I rise, I see from the small smudge on the seat that I have suffered a...feminine incident...Urrrkkkkk!!!!!!Casually wipe seat with napkin as though brushing away crumbs. Smudge remains....urrrk!Can't give it too much attention, people are already glancing my way.

Hastily don jacket and hope it's long enough to cover any damage to my clothing.Strategically hold packages to enhance this effect. Fortunately, there is just enough of a crowd that holding items "fore and aft" of my body looks like I'm trying to not crowd any one.

As I flee for the ladies room, I'm hastily concocting Plans.

Plan A - any stains on my outerwear can be cleaned up and covered by the jacket.Plan B - stain is too large. Clean as best possible, cover with jacket and flee to BigStore to buy new pants etc. (Still expecting several hours before car is ready, so need to be out in public for a while yet.)

Appendix to all Plans - find a way to clean up the smudge!!!! I may be the only one who notices it, but I darn well know it's there!!! And I am NOT, in the name of the Great Squicky, going to leave it there!!!! (Note - I am probably the only person on the planet to whom the Smudge was glaringly obvious as it was really a small Smudge, but to me it was HUGE!

Finally reach the haven of the ladies room.Discover that Plan A is workable - thank the Great Squicky for dark jeans!!!Dampen, blot, press multiple times until self is presentable again. Especially if Stratigic Coat Deployment is used.Thank Great Squicky for spare supplies in purse.

Wait till washroom is empty. Grab a bunch of tissues, dampen them and place in jacket pocket. Prepare to return to the scene of the crime.

...which is now occupied by someone having lunch...Not sitting in the smudge, mind you, but I can't very well walk up and clean up the seat now can I?Not only will that condemn me to EHell, but the Great Squicky will probably cause them to barf their lunch all over me in retaliation for bringing up the smudge while they are dining.

Slink out and try to formulate a Plan C....

Plan C

1. Kill time until lunch eaters are probably done.2. Purchase newspaper for Cunning Plan Decoy.3. Go back to Tim Hortons. Buy a sandwich and bottle of water.4. Eat and read paper until Crime Scene is vacant.5. Mosey over towards ladies room and reposition at Crime Scene Table.

Happily, I was able to straight from Step 2 to the Crime Scene, as the table was now vacant.

Place purse on seat over Smudge.Eat a bit of sandwich.Using water bottle, dampen napkin as though wiping sandwich from fingers.Still "inadvertantly" holding napkin, turn as though digging in purse.

jamiescudder

My sister had gotten a puppy shortly before I went to visit her one time. For one of our dinners while I was there she made chicken. As we all sat around eating the puppy went from person to person getting bites. Each of her three children gave the puppy the last of their chicken when they were full. My sister eventually forbade any more sharing with the puppy.

As everyone was finishing up my sister went into the kitchen to start the cleanup process. That's when she discovered that the puppy had gotten onto the counter and eaten an entire breast on top of everything else he had been fed. She hollered into the room where we were to be sure that all the chicken was picked up since it was obvious that puppy had had way too much already.

I looked in the floor next to me and noticed a piece of chicken lying there, so I figured I'd clean it up and keep her kids from getting in trouble. As I was picking it up it fell apart and was a huge mess. It was with the second handful that I realized that it was puppy puke.

Can I say that I started reading this thread about a 1/2 hour ago, and it has been nonstop giggles every since the first story! No wonder it took me so long to get through it!

OK, here's one of my own - and it actually happened to me. It's akin to AV's story about her drunk friend, only much much worse (and yes, it was that time for me too). Unfortunately, it's not quite amusing (at least not in the way baby poop is gross-but-cute, and definitely not amusing to me), but perhaps someone can see the lighter side of things...

One night I had a dream that I had woken up, walked out of my bedroom (but not before having tossed my cookies on the floor of the bedroom), and went into my bathroom because I had to use the bathroom. Instead of sitting on the toilet, for some reason, I felt so hot (dripping sweat, seeing yellow spots, etc., etc.) I decided to get into the bathtub soas to have the maximum amount of cold ceramic touching my body (gotta love how logical I am even in my dreams). Only in the dream, I was so confused because someone was pouring warm water on me and I couldnt get them to stop - I was soooo hot, it was unbearable. A little while later, I woke up.

You guessed it - I hadnt been dreaming. (WARNING: This next part is REALLY GROSS) And apparently, the 'warm water' I felt, was me losing control of all of my bodily functions at the same time.

My boyfriend is a saint, I tell you.

I gotta admit - I've done that. I was so sick that I couldn't think and I was dreaming that I had to go to the bathroom and for some reason convinced myself that if I dreamt I was on the toilet I was good to go.

Well, I went.. but was still in bed.

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Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

Once I was vacuuming, thought perhaps I could hurry up by picking up the little bits of lint. One dark piece of lint -- turned out to be a black spider. What kind? Who cares. Brrr.++++Gross story afterwards, don't read if you don't want to get grossed out.One time at work I sneezed, felt a little damp "down there." Went to the ladies' restroom. Found out I had my period a little early. Not just any period, a monster. All over my panties, pantyhose, running down my legs. Wouldn't stop dripping. I kept wiping, cleaning my panties and pantyhose, etc. Was in there for something like an hour. This is a one-person restroom, and I feel self-conscious that my coworkers who saw me go in are wondering why I am in there so long. I am flushing and flushing, and I think they could hear that.

There is no feminine products in there. I use papertowels, but they get all bloodied and I have to start over again. Oh, and I have to wash the floor and around the toilet too. I walk out, so self-conscious, walking like someone with a mattress between her legs because of extra paper towels. I have some extra paper towels hidden under my arm so I can put them on the chair so that I don't wet the chair with my wet panties. Too embarrassed to tell anybody, so I wait until everyone leaves for lunch and I leave to go home and change.

I was at work and was getting ready to go out and get some lunch. I happened to look down at my chair and see a weird dark spot. Yup, it was that time of the month and I had bleed through my jeans and onto the chair! At work!!!

Thankfully a co-worker was able to drive me home so I could change. (I don't have a car and wasn't about to ride the bus like that. If co-worker hadn't been able to drive me home I would have asked her to run to the nearby department store to buy me some jeans and undies).

I had to toss those jeans because the stain wouldn't come out. The stain did come out of the chair, though.