There is a war that rages in my heart. It is a war of love and affections. I try to fight it on my own but I cannot. I try to build walls, try to keep my heart pure and clean from distraction – gazed at only One. But on my own I am not strong enough. I am pulled from all sides and my attention is demanded by so many.

But this I know, in the presence of great Love, all other weaker loves fade away. What had seemed to burn so bright simply dims away. How can a flickering candle compare to the beautiful shining sun?

When the rushing tidal wave of His love crashes over me, every single fort I had frantically tried to build to keep other lovers out cease to serve their purpose. They don’t even need to be there anymore, because my gaze is so turned away from every other lover and I am utterly consumed by this single One most beautiful.

False love occupies space in our hearts. It demands. It takes and takes. But great Love frees us and fills us. The fierceness I had tried to conjure up all on my own is suddenly taken over by a stillness. A still knowing that I need not fight, I need only stay. The fight in me is put to rest by what my Father so willingly pours out. What rest for my weary heart! What peace..

Everything melts away when I look at Him. Above every other love, I will choose Him.

Sometimes I think we need to give ourselves permission to go through the journey. Sometimes A doesn’t equal right away to B. It just doesn’t. Oh, if only it were so simple. But life isn’t simple. It’s messy, especially when the frail and tangled up human heart comes into the picture.

I wish we could always jump from A to B right away. From questions to answers. From brokenness to wholeness. From prophetic word, to promise fulfilled. But it doesn’t always happen like that. Most of the times there are all these little journeys in between – and we have to give ourselves permission to feel, and to wrestle, and to fall – all before we arrive at B.

God doesn’t condemn us. He is in the process. He is in the wrestling. The wrong decisions, the detours. He is big enough to handle it. It’s not as if He didn’t see it coming from the start. He’s not gonna fall off His throne.

There is more than enough grace for the journey. My prayer is not to be perfect enough to earn my way into the promise land. It is not to put my life on hold, or to play it safe. My prayer is to walk close with Jesus through it all, and that He would always lead me to exactly where I need to be – yes, despite me.