Search Results: Keep It Clean

Name: Stanford
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Green Bay
I was wondering if you have any suggestions for a homemade dildo?

Do you actually want to craft a dildo yourself? Or is this more a question about what might be readily available to safely bugger yourself with?

If you want to make one yourself, there are several “Make-your-own-dildo” kits out there. You can find them online. They supply you with everything you need to make a latex dildo cast of your own dong. And from that the dildo is made. How fun! But wait, what if you are princess tiny-meat? Cloning your you own willie will satisfy no one, no how. Unless you know someone with a more ample endowment that will lend you his hog for the mold, this is probably not the way for you to go.

A trip to the supermarket might be your next best bet. People have been stuffing fruits and vegetables in every possible orifice for as long as there have been fruits and vegetables…and orifices to stuff. Bananas, zucchini, corn cobs, cucumbers, and well the list goes on and on. One word of caution, make sure that whatever you’re poppin’ in your pooper is long enough that you can keep hold of it while you are workin’ your magic. You definitely don’t want it to let whatever slip past your sphincter and lodge itself inside your rectum. There’s nothing more embarrassing than a trip to the emergency room to have someone fish whatever you got in there out of you bum.

If you’re the least bit competent as a woodworker you could fashion something pleasurable from a hardwood, like maple or oak. The do-it-yourself craftsman will be able to make the exact size he needs and wants. He’ll take pride in sanding, buffing and curing his creation with olive oil before use.

No woodturning tools? Not to worry. A trip to the local Homo Depot may be the answer. Look for wooden dowels. They come in many widths and lengths. Since doweling is often made of a softer wood, the dildo craftsman will be able to round off the top of the dowel using a rasp with relative ease. But because the wood is soft, he’ll have to seal his creation in a smooth varathane or polyurethane finish. Never, ever insert uncured or unfinished wood. Besides the danger of splinters, untreated wood is very porous and you’ll never get the damned thing clean after the first use.

Another word of caution; some people are allergic to various materials or polishes. So test all materials first.

Here’s a dildo-making project just about anyone can do. Make your own beanie baby dildo. You will need several latex condoms, water based lube and whole dried beans or peas. Take a condom fill it with the dried beans and/or peas and tie off the end. Coat the condom with lube and slip it into another condom and tie that one off too. If you want to be super-safe, add a third condom. The beauty part of using dried peas or beans is that, should the condoms break while you’re pleasuring yourself and you lose some of the contents in your love cave, you’ll be able to eliminate them with ease with your next bowel movement. And there’s nothing toxic in dried beans!

But what if you want something more stiff? Building a dildo out of modeling clay might be the answer. You can find this material at your local crafts store. You can be very creative with the shape and size. You’ll also be able to flare the end of the thing so there won’t be a worry of it getting past your sphincter. Before the clay dries, consider pressing dried beans into the shaft for some added texture. Once your new phallus is completely dry you can finish it with a polyurethane seal. However, I encourage you to use a condom over your newly created cock substitute. Even with a sealed dildo like this one.

Name: Heidi & Werner
Gender: couple
Age: 32 & 34
Location: Arizona
My husband and I have been married for 12 years, we love each other very much. About five years into our marriage, while on a retreat for couples, we discovered we are both bisexual. As a consequence we gave each other permission to explore our same-sex interests. For the most part this has worked out really well. At this point in our marriage, however, we’d like to move beyond the casual semi-furtive affairs we’ve been having and embrace polyamory. Problem is we don’t know any other people who are living in successful polyamorous relationships. Is polyamory a viable option even for a few lucky souls?

Congratulations on living a successful marriage, especially since you guys are taking such a non-traditional approach. That can’t be easy. I wish there was a way the two you could bottle whatever it is that you apparently have in spades that allows you to make such an honest assessment of yourselves and your marriage. You must be remarkable people. I’m so glad that you took the time to write.

As a matter of fact, I know a bunch of very successful, long-lasting polyamorous relationships. Most are comprised of people already on the sexual fringe — queer folk, currant and former swingers and kinksters. However, they all tend to keep the dimensions of their relationships relatively private. It takes a lot of psychic energy to live polyamorously, exponentially more than in a traditional marriage. This tends to leave less psychic energy for flying in the face of the popular culture. Of course the down side of this is there are, as you suggest, few good public role models for polyamory.

Connecting with other like-minded people is less of a challenge these days than in years past thanks to the marvels of the internets, don’t cha know. And being bisexuals, as you are, my make things even easier. I suppose you know this already, but for those in my audience who don’t, polyamory is not the same thing as swinging. Swinging is more about recreational or sport sex; partners having consensual casual sex with others, either other couples or individuals. Swinging is also generally a heterosexual phenomenon. Female bisexual behavior is allowed and even encouraged. The same cannot be said about male bisexual behavior. This seems like an unfortunate double standard to me, but in this respect swinging reflects traditional sexual mores.

Polyamory, on the other hand, connotes more of an emotional bond, a relationship that exceeds pure sport fucking. But not surprisingly many polyamorous relationships evolve from more casual swinger connections. So let’s not knock that.

If you both are seriously into polyamory you’ll have an easier time of it too. The downfall of many budding polyamorists has to do with the reservations one or another in the couple may have about the lifestyle. The one with reservations may play along for a while thinking that this new venture will grow on him/her, but it doesn’t. Some folks are monogamous and it’s breed in the bone. Others are non-monogamous, equally breed in the bone. Trying to convert one or the other to an alternative way of thinking is simply not gonna happen.

The big bugaboo in any type of relationship will be jealousy. You guys seem to have avoided that poison, and again congratulations. The couples retreat you mentioned my have provided you the communication tools you needed to open yourselves to one another in an honest and forthright way. These communication skills will be particularly useful in forming polyamorous relationships too. Whatever the configuration of your future relationships, all parties must allow for and invite an honest and open exchange about passions, desires and needs. And from time to time each individual in the polyamorous relationship will prioritize these things differently. Expect lots of diversity. For more about this see my friend, polyamorous proDOM, Mistress Matisse’s column HERE!

There’s no “one way” to be polyamorous. Some people express their polyamory by having one primary partnership with one or more satellite relationships. They prefer monogamy with one partner but have an open relationship with others. Some polyamorists live in triads or loosely structured groups. Some people express their polyamory by having all partners and lovers as part of an extended family— raising kids together and taking care of elders together. Strong polyamorous relationships carried a number of my closest friends through the worst of the AIDS crisis in the mid 80’s. While you guys seem pretty clear on what you want for yourselves, you may want to be on the lookout for potential partners with incompatible passions needs and desires.

As we all know, a big part of effective communication in a relationship is exploring and expressing feelings. Another part, one that is often overlooked, is the art of negotiation. How do partners and lovers negotiate for what they need and want? “I want to try something new with someone new.” “My lover and I need some private time.” Mature people are flexible, but they also have healthy boundaries. Giving your partner the freedom to share him/herself intimately with others as he/she desires is easier when it is based on the guidelines that you and your partner agree to first. Of course these will need to be readjusted from time to time as new situations evolve.

A secret to successful polyamory is working to maintain a strong primary partnership, in your case, with each other. The more comfortable and secure you guys are with one another, the easier it will be for you to free one another up for others. When the primary relationship is healthy and safe, the polyamorous relationship will add to the support structure, not diminishes it.

Interestingly enough, not all polyamorous relationships are sexual in nature. For example, one person in the group relationship may have a sexual connection with another, while that person enjoys a platonic relationship with that someone else.

One thing for certain, you guys will have to decide what sort of people will be positive additions to your lives. And that will entail a good deal of trial and error. Like my daddy always used to say, “ya gotta walk through a lot of manure before you find the pony.” Remember not everyone who aspires to polyamory is capable of it, nor is everyone one who is capable of being polyamorous suited to be with everyone else who is.

For more about this timely topic I refer you to the two podcasts I did with the insanely marvelous Cunning Minx of PolyWeekly. Look for them HERE and HERE!

It’s Product Review Friday once again. Following the trend of the last few weeks we have the pleasure of welcoming a new product line by a new manufacturer…well new to us anyhow. Welcome Futuring International Ltd; a German company that manufacturers fine personal lubricants.

Dr Dick Review Crew members — Ken & Denise and Mick & Chuck will introduce you to these new lube products.

Ken & DeniseKen: “This is sure enough a German product. You can tell by just looking at the package. The fine print comes in three languages; the primary one is German. I think they used a computer program for the translation into English.”Denise: “What does that have to do with anything?”Ken: “Nothing really. Just making a point about authenticity. This is the real deal. Oh and remember when we first looked at the package we weren’t able to tell what kind of lube it was?”Denise: “Right! Nothing on the package says silicone-based. So we were a bit confused at first. The promotional materials that came with Dr.Love spelled it out, but there was nothing on the package that says so. And it’s important to know that sort of thing, because you wouldn’t want to use this lube with silicone toys. Maybe they just need to add a little stick-on label that says silicone-based. Just a thought.”Ken: “Dr.Love is a lighter consistency than some of the other silicone-based lubes I’ve used. But it is thicker than your average water-based lube. It’s really silky to the touch and it has plenty of glide. You can tell it’s a quality lube, because you only need a little bit to make things slick as shit. And it’s a slick feeling, not a greasy feeling. There is a big difference, ya know.”Denise: “There’s no significant smell or taste, which is very appealing to me. It’s also latex and condom safe.”Ken: “Dr.Love stands up to water very nicely, so it’s great to use in the shower. I love to squeeze one off in shower in the morning, so this a perfect lube for that. You’ll need soap and water for a thorough cleanup.”Denise: “I thought it dried out a bit quicker than other silicone-based lubes we’ve tried especially when we do anal. But when I use it by myself for self-pleasuring, either with my hand or a toy, it last and lasts. I don’t understand why the discrepancy, but there ya have it.”Ken: “We used Dr.Love in place of massage oil too and loved it. It feels great on our skin.”Denise: “And I even used it on my hair as a conditioner; so there’s that. In fact, we went through our 3.4 fl.oz. container in less than a month. So you know we loved this stuff.”Full ReviewHERE

Mick & ChuckMick: “Our package of Get MAXXX clearly states: ‘purest silicon (sic) lubricant, Made in Germany.’ So we weren’t the least bit confused as to what kind of lube this was.”Chuck: “We thought Get MAXXX worked best during our stroke sessions. It lubricates without reducing sensation and that’s important when we have one of our marathon sessions.”Mick: “Yeah, we try to see who can outlast the other. So this is the perfect lube for those edging contests.”Chuck: “Get MAXXX is long lasting and remains slick and silky, which makes fucking a joy. I hate it when lubes get sticky! It’s completely hypoallergenic too. Ya gotta love that. I love the pump container.”Mick: “Remember, silicone-based lubes and silicone toys don’t mix!”Chuck: “Get MAXXX has no discernable taste and it’s odorless.”Mick: “It has a surprisingly light consistency, but like I’ve already mentioned; it holds up really well when things get hot and heavy.”Chuck: “This stuff is fantastic with our glass dildos. It’s also latex and condom safe.”Mick: “Get MAXXX is about as health-conscious a lube as you will find anywhere. It stands up great to water (think shower, hot tub, whatever). My skin actually feels better after I use this stuff. I love it.”Chuck: “Back to the packaging; the pump top can be locked by twisting it while it’s in the up position. It also comes with a plastic top lock that covers the spout to keep the lube from accidentally leaking out all over the place. That’s a real thoughtful addition, I can tell ya. I’ve had the misfortune of having a lube bottle open all over my toy box once. I was fuckin mad as hell.”Full ReviewHERE

Hi Dr Dick,
Happy (belated) New Year! I have two questions for you:
1. I am taking a long time to cum when I’m given a blowjob or hand job and eventually I need to stroke off on my own (for a pretty long time as well). However, I cum pretty quickly when I masturbate while watching porn. Am I masturbating to porn too much? I have also masturbated to porn for years before I started having sex recently (I’m not sure whether this could be a reason as well).
2. You mention that we shouldn’t use soup while cleaning our anus. Why is that so? I just read about douching but I have been cleaning my anus with warm water, soap, and finger. Is that ok?
Thanks in advance! — Ken

Can’t hardly say if you are masturbating to porn too much. I mean, what is too much anyway? And since you don’t go into detail; I’ll let that issue rest.

What I can tell you is that partnered sex, regardless of the activity (blowjobs, hand jobs or full-on fucking) is a whole lot different than solo sex (with or without porn). I can also assure you that your body has become sensitized to your particular grip and stroke over the years of you pullin your own pud. Another person’s grip and stroke (pussy or asshole) will rarely satisfy in the same efficient manner. This is not a bad thing, necessarily, but you do have to keep that in mind. And perhaps your sexual response will change with time as you enjoy more and varied partnered sex.

In terms of you taking too long (whatever that means) to cum when you are with a partner, maybe you need to quit trying so hard to get off and lay back and enjoy the sensations you’re getting from your partner. And here’s a tip; use your biggest sex organ, your brain, to replay some of that hot porn action in your head while you are gettin head. That will surely hasten things along, if ya know what I mean.

In terms of your next question about keeping your hole clean; you may have misunderstood previous comments I’ve made about anal douching. Soap and water is the preferred method of keeping the outside of your ass clean. And while you’re scrubbin’ your crack, you could use your fingertip to clean out your rosebud. But don’t force soap beyond your sphincter. You have delicate membranes in your rectum that will be irritated by the soap, even a mild soap.

If you need to douche, I suggest a solution of a few drops of lemon juice in warm water. Some men prefer the convenience of a shower bidet.

Name: Mike P
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Location: Los Angeles
My girlfriend needs to watch lesbian porn to get off and sometimes kicks me out of the bedroom to masturbate by herself. Initially I was turned on by her desire to watch porn — but now — it’s become a blockage. She always needs porn. I am frustrated and to make things worse — she has started abusing me through financial manipulation. I have to pay her rent — pay for her food, pay everything — and she never gives me nookie.
Should I leave this woman?

Time to wake up, fella! Your “girlfriend” — and I use that term very loosely — is decidedly not YOUR girlfriend, and possibly not any man’s girlfriend. I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and say; I think your “girlfriend” is a certifiable, died-in-the wool, muff-divin’, coochie-lovin’ lesbiterian. All that remains for her to do, to make the picture perfectly clear…even for you, is to show up one day in a mullet and a flannel shirt. Holy cow, Mike, how is it that you are missing the obvious?

Listen, bub, you’re excess baggage. Your “friend” keeps you around for comic relief…oh and to foot the bill.

Should you leave this woman; you ask. Honey, she’s beaten you to the punch on that one. She’s long gone and done left you way behind, at least emotionally and sexually. All you need to do is find the door, say good-bye to this sorry situation and make a hasty exit.

Name: Michelle
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Location: Canada
Tips to help when the man you’re sleeping with has a small penis.

Tips? No pun intended, I hope.

Ok, here goes — Tip #1, grin and bear it. Tip #2, find a guy with more pork. Tip #3, get a dildo. Tip #4, find a sexual position, like doggie style, that will make the most of every little bit of pecker the poor guy’s got. Tip #5, remember it ain’t always da meat, but it is always da motion.

Ok, seriously I do have a couple of suggestions beyond the flippant ones I just mentioned. For example, Tip #3 still stands. Find yourself a dildo, one that your partner can wield when he’s around. If you introduce the concept in a positive way, you may find that Mr. Mini-meat will go for it big time. You see, most guys with small endowments already know they may have a problem satisfying some women (or men for that matter). But most guys, regardless of cock size, are always interested in pleasuring their partner, even when it’s not with their own magic wand.

May I suggest that you check out the swell array of dildos available at Dr Dick’s Stockroom? You’ll find a link to this treasure trove on the top of this page. Hey, you may even want to shop online together. You may be surprised at the one your guy picks out for you.

You’re gonna love this. The new Cyberskin line of products represents a significant advance in pecker extensions that feel like the real thing. The rubber on the surface of this extension feels hauntingly like human skin. But the inside part of the (1.5″ or 3″) extension is much firmer. It is soft and supple on the surface, but hard and rigid inside. Mmmm, hard and rigid!

Visually, the shape, texture, and coloration of these extensions are designed to create a realistic effect as well. They look realistic and they feel realistic.

There’s a trick to putting on one of these puppies, don’t ‘cha know. You roll up the sleeve until it’s all the way up around the extension. Then place it against the head of your guy’s stiff dick. Roll the bugger down snugly around his unit, sealing his peanut inside the sleeve. A partial seal will form, helping keep the extension on during the fuck-fest.

Wearing this extension will add both length and thickness to his precious willie. It will of course reduce the sensation in his cock, but that’s not always bad thing. Guys with a short fuse may find the decrease in stimulation an aid to controlling his ejaculation, while he’s giving more and longer pleasure to his partner. And a lot of guys love the feeling of having their cock sealed inside the rubbery sleeve. Mmmm, sealed inside rubbery sleeve!

Name: Jack
Gender: Male
Age: 42
Location: Milwaukee
I’ve been dating this guy for over a year. He is the love of my life. I love him so much, but he treats me like shit. I met him on vacation in Florida. He’s 26 a stunning, 6’3” 200lbs, blond surfer Adonis. And excuse me for being so graphic; he has the biggest dick I’d ever seen. The first time we had sex I saw stars. He filled me up like no other person has.
When I got home we exchanged emails nearly every day and even had some hot phone sex a couple of times. He was down on his luck, because he lost his barista job for coming to work stoned too many times. I know I shouldn’t have, but I invited him to come live with me. I flew him up, but I told him that this wouldn’t be a free ride, he’d have to stop smoking so much dope and get a job and he agreed.
The sex was fantastic for the first couple of months, but once he established himself as a star at the gym he found his own friends and now I don’t see too much of him. He eats my food and drinks my liquor and drives my car. I pay for his cloths and gym membership. He has yet to find a job.
I know I should just end it, but I love him and I would really miss the sex. My friends ridicule me for thinking he loves me as much as I love him. They tell me they know he sees other guys. I’m so turned around I don’t know what to do.

Like my momma always used to say: if it’s got wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have problems with it. And I would add, if it’s got big wheels or a big dick you know you’re gonna have BIG problems with it.

Before we turn our attention to your no good boyfriend, let me make a few quick observations about you. You’re a freakin’ mess, girlfriend! I mean really, you’ve broken all the cardinal rules about dating a hustler. I know, I can hear you now…oh no Dr Dick, he’s not a hustler; he’s a good kid who’s just down on his luck and I’m just trying to help. Bullshit!

Ya see, that’s the first cardinal rule of dating a hustler is never lose sight of the fact that he’s a hustler and you’re his john. Don’t get me wrong; I have the deepest admiration for hustlers and their johns. It’s just that this arrangement only works if everyone is clear about the ground rules. And here are the ground rules — rich older gentleman connects with needy younger hunky stud for mutual benefit. Rich older gentleman keeps needy younger hunky stud in room and board, booze, cloths, car, gym membership and the like; and needy younger hunky stud buggers rich older gentleman senseless with his big blond surfer-boy dick. Get it? Got it? Good!

Second cardinal rule — what happens on vacation should stay on vacation. Vacation sex, as wonderful and delicious as it may be, does not transplant very well to your non-vacation life. You’re more likely to have success transplanting a delicate tropical orchid to your Milwaukee backyard than transplanting a vacation hustler fuck to your work-a-day world back home.

Third cardinal rule —don’t try to gloss a perfectly fine, fully functional and even an affectionate hustler/john relationship with talk of love. It’s unnecessary, unseemly and untrue. It’s lust, it’s limerence, it’s love sickness, whatever…it’s just not love. Because LOVE don’t ever make you feel as bad as you’re feelin’. Probably your friends would have less difficulty with your mooning over this guy if you were more honest about the nature of this relationship. They wouldn’t be rubbing your face in the evidence that surfer-boy is pluggin’ other dudes.

Fourth cardinal rule — a size queen, like you Jack, should admit that you are enamored with the guy hose and how it fills you up plain and simple. To pretend that you would string yourself out like this for a guy with tiny meat is just that — pretense. Listen, there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ a size queen, it’s the dishonesty I object to.

How is this young fella ever supposed to respect you when you don’t respect for yourself? He probably had you pegged (no pun intended) back on the beach in the sunshine state. He knows you will tolerate his misbehavior, which of course gives him permission to do whatever he feels like doing whenever he feel like doing it. And now he don’t even have to give up the occasional mercy fuck any more, even though that was surely part of the deal at the get go, right?

So the waif has yet to find a job after a year, huh? Why is that not surprising? But even a hustler needs his mad money, besides what is doled out to him by his long-suffering john. I’d be willing to guess Mr. surfer dude is turning tricks to keep himself in weed and other essentials.

Thing is, this fellow probably would have treated you better if you would have just stuck to the hustler/john script. Ya see, kids like this need structure. He may have looked to you for this at one time, but when he realized that he had you cock-whipped, the teachable moment evaporated. This lad is probably like most other boys with big dicks. They learn early on that their cock gives them enormous power, because it is the object of desire for so many. He soon discovered that you were no different than all the other men (and some women) in his life — only interested in owning a piece of his sizeable endowment. And so he turned the tables on you. You can hardly fault the guy. You try to manipulate him with your money. He outwits you and manipulates you with his johnson.

If you’re really serious about reining in the little monkey, you’d better come up with a clear, unambiguous message about what you will and will not tolerate. And it better be something more than “I expect you to bone my scrawny middle-aged ass on occasion.” Because, until you do, he will roam wherever and whenever he wants.

There are many root causes for his behavior, just like there are many root causes for your behavior. But since I’m talking to you, not him, I suggest that you get to the bottom of all of this by investing a good deal of time and energy with a competent sex-positive therapist. There’s one thing I can say for certain, if the status quo continues your resentment will boil over one day and there will be violence, the kind of violence that you may not think yourself capable of now. But violence there will be; you can bank on it!

Is there enough goodwill between the two of you to resolve this unfortunate situation amicably? Who knows! If I had to guess, I’d say there was a slim to no chance for that. If that’s the case, I advise you pack him up and put him on the next plane south. And no more relationships for you, particularly with unemployed young men with massive schlongs, till you get your head screwed on tighter.

This sweet little multi-speed vibe is actually two vibes in one. There are two different silicone attachments that you screw on to the hard plastic base. I’ve used other vibes that offered attachments, but I was disappointed to discover that I couldn’t count on the attachment staying in place during use. The Love Connection is different. The two attachments actually screw on to the handle, so there’s no chance the thing will come off when you’re using it.

But the best thing about this little wonder is that it’s waterproof. There’s nothing that satisfies like a vibe in the bath. There is a one touch fingertip control button on the base of the handle that allows you to cycle through the three speeds. This is not a powerhouse vibe, but you wouldn’t expect it to be, being such a cute little thing. But it gets the job done.

This would make the ideal vibe for travel. It’s discreet, and it’s quiet. The Love Connection runs on 2 AAA batteries. Unfortunately, they are not included in the package.FULL REVIEW HERE

Gina
My last review of the year is, sadly, a bust. Can’t win them all, I guess.

Here is a classic example of how a toy looks so amazing in the package, only to have it let you down outside of the package. Lucid Dream No. 14 has an amazing shape. It has a bulbous angled head on a gooseneck body. It’s a jelly material in a luscious tangerine color. And it’s transparent; so you can see the sizable vibe in the head. I was confident this was going to be a brilliant G-spot vibe for sure.

Taking it out of the minimal, but stylish package produced the first concern I had. It emanated a very unpleasant chemical smell. This off-gas was really off-putting. And the smell got on my hands just from taking it out of the package. ICK!

I quickly washed the Lucid Dream and my hands with soap and water. I had immediate misgivings about using this vibe on my body, but I though I’d better press on with my review. I figured I could always slip a condom on it if I was going to have it come in contact with skin.

The next problem I encountered was battery placement. Lucid Dream calls for 2 AA-batteries, which are not included in the package. That was a bummer, but I got over it. Figuring out how the batteries fit into the battery compartment was a puzzle. Nothing I saw on the vibe itself showed the battery placement technique. There were no instructions in the package either. I swear I tried the batteries every which way and thought; maybe this was a defective toy. Then as I was opening the battery compartment to switch out the batteries one last time; the thing sprang to life.

Apparently, you have to close the battery compartment just so; any deviation from that, even tightening the cap a tiny little bit rendered the toy useless. The batteries weren’t making contact with the terminals correctly.

A dial in the vibe’s base activates the multi-speed vibrator in the head of Lucid Dream. This is one of those rheostat things. Not a bad concept when executed correctly. Again, unfortunately, this is not one of those times. The dial is way to lose for it to be effective. In order for this to work, there should be some resistance in the dial as one moves it up or down. This dial had no such resistance.

I have to admit, the vibe was quiet, but it also wasn’t very powerful, even on the highest speed. After all the trouble I had this Lucid Dream I didn’t even bother to try and pleasure myself with it. You know, life is just too short for a bad vibe.FULL REVIEW HERE

Dr Dick
Guess what, sex fans? I am the proud owner of my very own The Cone. And oh jeez, my life is never gonna be the same.

I am now the envy of all my friends — both the male and female variety — since the hot pink pyramid shaped package arrived on my doorstep. (Actually the hot pink pyramid shaped package arrived encased in a nondescript brown cardboard box, but you get the idea, right?)

I purposely left the shocking pink cone shaped object sitting nonchalantly on my desk for the past 10 days. Without fail it caught the eye of everyone who passed through Dr Dick’s office/salon/café/crash pad. “What the hell is that?” You’re kidding!” Really? “Get outta here!” “Oh My God, can I try it?” And so it went day after day.

My hat is off to the developers of this unique unisex toy. You can tell right away that the folks who created this little wonder have a profound appreciation for sexual pleasure, as well as a joyful sense of playful fun. This kind of synergy can and apparently does turn the sex toy industry on its head. Bravo!

Ok, so what exactly is The Cone? Primarily, it is a hands-free battery-operated vibrator, don’t cha know. And that, sex fans, allows you to be pretty gal-darn creative in how you use the bugger. In fact, its unique design practically begs you to come up with clever new use or two every time you use it. I know of what I speak! I came up with one really good one. But I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

It has a sixteen-function 3000-rpm gold brush motor. It is both powerful and quiet. (Believe me, once you have at this thing, you will be making all the noise, not it.) It has a soft high-quality pink silicone skin. Its about seven inches in diameter at the base, five inches high, and weighs just over a pound. It has two push button controls. Simply put, there is nothing discreet about it, folks! Everything about it screams: “I’m here. I’m pink. Get used to it!

The Cone requires 3 “C” batteries. Unfortunately, the first set of batteries is not included in the package. I tell you this because I don’t want you to get all bummed out when you whip it out, for the first time, hoping to hop on for a ride only to discover you don’t have the proper batteries on hand.

Even though this isn’t an insertable device (That is, unless your hole looks like the Arc de Triomphe in Paris.), you’ll want to use a good personal lube to keep The Cone‘s silicone skin from chafing your naughty parts. Just make sure you use a non-silicone lube though, or you’ll ruin the blasted thing.

Like I said, The Cone has sixteen different vibrating programs — from mild to “Whoa Nelly! I suggest you take your time and cycle through the different vibe patterns to find the ones you like best. Here’s a tip: the on/off switch doubles as an ‘Instant Orgasm’ button, which revs the thing up to fever pitch in an instant. This is apparently for all those folks out there who are just too damned busy to cum like a normal person.

For the uninitiated, the pointy cone shape may be intimidating. But relax there’s no need to worry; The Cone’s peak is soft and spongy. It’s sorta the consistency of a very stiff dick. You can sit on this baby, lean on it, lie on it or plop it in your lap. You can use it alone, or with a partner. Just don’t be surprised if your partner tries to monopolize The Cone. If you have girl parts, The Cone is ideal for your pussy, clit and taint (perineum). If you have boy parts, The Cone is perfect for your cock, balls and taint. And everyone’s asshole will sing for joy when The Cone comes knockin’ at the back door.

The Cone‘s silicone skin is nonporous, which means bacteria cannot penetrate it. That makes it a breeze to clean. Just wipe it down with a mild soap and warm water after each use. To sterilize — remove the silicone skin from the unit and swish it in boiling water for a couple of minutes. Of course when you replace the skin, ya gotta realign it on the unit properly or you will not be able to find the operating buttons. But whatever you do, don’t immerse The Cone itself in water.

Ok, so The Cone is decidedly pricey. I’ll grant you that. But you know this thing is gonna last. And I’m a firm believer in buyin’ quality right from the get-go. In fact, if we consumers only patronized conscientious manufacturers of quality products, like The Cone; there’d be a lot less crap in the marketplace.FULL REVIEW HERE

It’s Product Review Friday; it’s Week 5 of our Holiday Gift Giving Guide; and we’re doin a special Toys for Boys thing today. Next Friday, our last installment of in this series, will feature some swell Toys for Gals.

This week we will hear from Review Crew members: Carlos, Ken and your truly, Dr Dick.

All guys jerk off; even (or especially) guys who say they don’t jerk off, jerk off. Now that we’ve put that behind us we can get on with today toy selection, because it has a theme — masturbation sleeves.

First up is another product from the good folks at Vibratex and Carlos has the lowdown.

Carlos
I love to masturbate; I’ve been doing it since I was 11. I love to masturbate with my wife; I like to masturbate with other men. It’s about as safe a sex as you can have short of having no sex at all.

I’m pretty much a manual masturbator. I never saw the need to improve on my hands for pleasuring myself. But the thing about being a Review Crew member, we get exposed to all kinds of products we wouldn’t otherwise know about. Take for instance the Sidekick Tease Me Sleeve. I would have never guessed that I could enjoy masturbating even more than I used to by using a masturbation aid, like a sleeve.

The Sidekick Tease Me Sleeve is a simple enough product. It’s made of 100% Elastomer, which allows me to use any type of lube you want to. I’m partial to silicone lube, because it doesn’t break down like water-based lubes do during a long masturbation sessions. And since I don’t have to worry about using a condom when I’m having sex with myself, silicone-based lube works best for me.

When you see the Sidekick in its package you’re actually seeing the inside of the thing. It’s turned inside out in the package so you can see the dozens of nubs that will be massaging your penis when you use it. Obviously the Sidekick is easy to turn inside out, which is all-important when you want it’s time to clean up, but more about that in a minute.

The hole you insert you penis in is a decent size, so you don’t have to struggle inserting it. And since you’ll be adjusting the pressure around your penis with your hand, it’s pretty perfect. So I lubed up and slipped the Sidekick over the head of my penis. I’m uncut, so slipping it on also retracted my foreskin. Honestly, I was really surprised by the feel of the nubs on my penis, particularly the head. It was so strange to have that kind of sensation on my cock. But once I got used to the sensation, I was thinking; man, this is great.

The other end of the Sidekick is closed. That means as you stroke this up and down your penis you actually create a bit of a vacuum, which is also very nice. Besides the up and down movement you can also rotate the Sidekick around your penis. This creates a completely unique sensation, which almost tickles. I loved it!

There are two minor drawbacks, if you can call them that. Once the Sidekick is turned right-side out (the nubs are now on the inside where they belong) the outside has no texture at all. This creates a bit of a problem with lubed up hands. I found that it was sometimes difficult to get a good grip on the thing. The other issue is the size. It’s only 5.5” long. Now that will fit most of us, but if your bigger than that, this might be a bit of a problem.

You can cum right in the Sidekick, because it so easy to clean. Turn it inside out again, wash in warm soapy water and let it dry. I found that once it dried; it felt a little sticky. So I just dusted it with little bit of cornstarch.FULL REVIEW HERE

Ken
Here’s the way I look at it; if god wanted us to jack off he would have given us arms long enough to reach our meat. Oh wait, he did! What luck for us!

I generally jerk off a couple of times a day. This amazes my partner, Denise. She thinks I’m some kind of sex freak, but I don’t know. I beat off much less now than I did when I was a kid. Back then, in my teens, I could and would squeeze one off five or six times a day.

Until this assignment as part of the Review Crew, I had never used a masturbation sleeve. Sure, I’ve seen them around, but I thought to myself; why bother? Ok, I’ll admit to being more than a little curious, so I jumped at the opportunity to review the Cyberskin Pocket Pussy by Topco.

This is my first Cyberskin toy of any kind. This stuff rocks! It’s amazingly soft and warm; there’s a silkiness to it too. They claim that it feels like real human flesh, I wouldn’t go that far, but it is truly remarkable.

The Cyberskin Pocket Pussy is designed to look like a real pussy and it’s very realistic looking, let me tell you. This may be a turn-off to some, especially gay dudes. But other guys are gonna groove on this big time.

When I took it out of the package it had a greasy feel to it that kinda surprised me. I guess whatever they put on it, some kind of preservative or something, keeps it from drying out while on the store shelf. Anyhow, the Pocket Pussy once outside of its packaging is a floppy thing. And that was a bit of a problem trying to get started with it. The whole thing is a little over 8” long; the sleeve is 6” long; the pussy measures 2.5” thick by 3.5“ wide.

I generally use silicone lube when I jerk off, but I couldn’t use that with Cyberskin. Luckily, I had some water-based lube available.

The Pocket Pussy has a very tight “vag” opening, it’s pretty stretchy, but gettin my dick in there was a problem and the floppy sleeve didn’t help. However, once I got the hang of it, it was less of a bother. I confess; this feels fantastic on my cock. I can apply more pressure using my hand on the sleeve, but I didn’t really need to do that. It is a mighty tight hole, and I’m not all that big.

So there I was stroking away watching some porn on the computer and thinking this is totally awesome. Although, I kept thinking the thing needs something to steady the sleeve or tunnel area while fuckin it.

Once I popped a nut in the sleeve I pulled my dick out all satisfied. But while I was admiring my new friend; I noticed that my spooge and lube was dripping out the other end on to my chair. I had forgotten that the Pocket Pussy has an opening on the end that is supposed to make cleaning it easy.

So I quick grab the open end of the sleeve and squeeze it shut so that the rest of my joy juice doesn’t come out. I take it to the bathroom and start the clean up. This turned out to be a much bigger chore than I planned. Ya gotta work soap and water into the sleeve and then rinse it all out. Unfortunately, you can’t really turn the sleeve inside out, which would make cleaning easier.

Now that it’s clean, or as clean as I can get it; it needs to dry. I tried drying it off with a towel as the package recommends, but I got little bits of lint all over the thing. DAMN! After that, I decided to just let it air dry.

Once it was completely dry the Cyberskin felt really tacky. I looked at the instructions on the package again and it says: “Generously apply Renew to properly maintain your Cyberskin product.” But what the fuck is “Renew”?FULL REVIEW HERE

Just to round off today’s theme I offer my review of another masturbation sleeve.

Dr Dick
So sex fans, I suppose ya’ll all know that the Fleshlight has been around for several years now, right? Good, I figured you would’ve noticed. I mean a person can hardly visit a sex related site these days without seeing one of their fetching ads. I realize that I’m a Johnny-cum-lately with my review, but like my momma always used to say — “all good thing come to those who wait”.

Like you, I’ve seen the Fleshlight around for years. And because of that I convinced myself I knew everything there was to know about the device. After all, I visited their websites loads of times. I watched their beautifully produced and very sexy mini-movies (more times than I care to say). And I even interviewed a bunch of satisfied customers. I confess, even though I never actually held a Fleshlight in my hand, I imagined I knew everything there was to know about a Fleshlight. I mean hey, it’s not like I never used a masturbator before. How different could this one be?

Well, so much for baseless assumptions.

Imagine my surprise when my very own personal FleshJack Ice showed up on my doorstep. I discovered that just about everything I thought I knew about this marvel didn’t even come close to the real thing. Until I had one of my own to fondle and probe…if ya catch my drift, I was clueless. It’s true what they say; this is the granddaddy of male stimulators. But you really shouldn’t take my word for it.

My initial piece of advice to everyone in my audience is; don’t be a smug jerk like me. That’s right! If you’ve never had your grubby paws on, or your hot little boner in, an actual Fleshlight, you pretty much don’t know nuthin’ about a Fleshlight. Period!

The first thing that struck me about the Fleshlight is it’s way bigger and heavier than I imagined. I figured it would be the size of a regular flashlight. I was wrong. The plastic shell is a serious 10” in length. And by it’s self it’s fairly light. It’s the totally amazing Superskin™ insert that racks up the weigh. My Fleshlight weighs in at a hefty 1 pound, eight and a half ounces. And that, sex fans, is a handful, or two, for damn sure. More about this in a minute.

The Superskin™ insert is totally amazing. It begs to be touched and caressed. It is unlike any other texture I’ve experienced in a sex toy. And like I said, I’ve had an opportunity to test drive a bunch of masturbators and stimulation sleeves in my time. The Superskin™ is kinda like a jelly, but it’s so much more substantial. I know this is gonna sound trite, but it does feel flesh-like. And if you add some hot water to your Fleshlight, as I did, before you sink in your chub, well it’s pretty much the most amazing feeling you can have from something that simulates a human orifice.

And ya wanna talk marketing genius? All Fleshlight customers are invited to customize their unit before they buy. And that is where the fun begins. Since most guys are pretty particular about where they stick their joystick, Fleshlight has cleverly come up with several “orifice” options: pussy, mouth, asshole or “neutral” (apparently for those who can’t commit). The plastic case comes in silver, black or clear. There are optional insert colors too: pink, mocha or ice. And get this, you can even choose from among six different internal contours for the insert itself: Original, Super Tight, Ultra Tight, Speed Bump, Super Ribbed and Wonder Wave. If, with all these options, you can’t design the perfect Fleshlight for you, you’re just too damned fussy.

I want to draw your attention to one last feature before we take this puppy on a test drive. The plastic case, the thing that looks like a flashlight, has removable caps at both ends. The top cap covers the bulbous head of the insert and helps keeps it clean when it’s not in use. The end cap can be removed for easy cleaning. (The jizz-fanatics among us will appreciate this, because when a wank session is over, you can simply dribble out your spunk for some delicious DNA play.)

Like I suggested above you can also add hot water through the end cap for a warm, squishy jack. If you do add water, don’t over-fill the blasted thing. No more than three-quarter full is my suggestion. And this is best done in the shower or bath. Because, depending on the vigor of your stroke, things will get might wet, which just so happens to add to the fun. Just so you know, this was my favorite way to Fleshlight!FULL REVIEW HERE