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Rapport

Ok, let’s talk a bit about rapport. To me, rapport is when your target feels comfortable around you, trusts you and feels a connection with you.

It’s vital for rapport to be created in order to be consistently successful in PU.

However just like attraction, you cannot MAKE anyone feel rapport. You cannot MAKE anyone feel comfortable around you nor can you MAKE anyone trust you. And you definitely cannot MAKE anyone feel a connection with you.

As soon as you try to make someone trust you, you behave like someone who cannot be trusted. Imagine a used car salesman you just met telling you:

The same if you try to make some one feel comfortable around you. Think back to when you were alone with a girl and she was nervous. You try to calm her down by saying “It’s OK, just relax, it’ll be all right.”

Then the chick immediately starts thinking “Why? What’s he going to do to me?”

As soon as you try to make someone feel comfortable around you is when you start to make people nervous.

You’ll get pretty much the same way results if you try to make someone feel a connection with you.

Again just as with attraction, it’s confusing and counter-intuitive, isn’t it?

So now the million-dollar question:

How do we create the trust, comfort and connection with our targets?

Just as emulating the qualities of attractive people generates attraction, rapport is generated by emulating the qualities of people we trust, feel comfortable around and have a connection with.

So let’s take a look at how we behave around our family, good friends and lovers. These are people we have rapport with. Then we’ll compare that with people we don’t have rapport with, namely strangers.

Let’s start with trust and comfort.

Have you ever observed how 2 strangers talk to each other?

They stand face to face with some distance in between them. That distance is what society refers to as “personal space.” We are taught from early childhood to respect the personal space of others. Strangers make sure they don’t get into the other’s personal space. The topic of discussion is usually something neutral and serious. You also noticed that they are tense around each other and not completely relaxed. They are usually concerned about saying the right thing and not offending the other or doing something that will leave a bad impression on the other. And they definitely aren’t touching each other.

Now compare this with how 2 best friends or lovers interact with each other. They stand or sit next to each other. They’re in each other’s personal spaces. They’re completely relaxed and comfortable around each other. The topic of discussion is usually personal, it could be very serious or humorous. They might be cracking jokes and having fun together. These 2 aren’t worried about saying the right thing or doing something that will leave a bad impression, because they already know each other. And if they’re lovers then they certainly aren’t afraid of touching or getting sensual with each other.

If you want your target to feel trust and comfort around you then you have to behave like someone she could trust and feel comfortable around. That means you have to get in her personal space. You can’t be worried about saying the wrong thing or leaving a bad impression. You have to touch her, talk about personal things with her, laugh and have fun with her and most importantly, you have to relax and be comfortable yourself around her.

You have to behave exactly as her lover would behave around her.

Now let’s discuss this thing called connection. A connection is something you feel towards someone that you believe knows and understands you and you know and understand that person.

So in order to have a connection with your target, you have to get to know and understand her and she has to get to know and understand you.

How do we do this?

I call it qualifying. Qualifying is finding out if your target has the qualities you are looking for. In order to do this you have to first know what qualities you are looking for in a woman. This is one of the questions from the Natural Game –Basics section.

So how do we go about qualifying? How do you find out if women have the qualities you are looking for?

The biggest mistake I see most guys do is asking women straight out without getting specific. For instance, I read about a lot of guys who go around asking women if they are adventurous. So what is adventurous?

Suppose you are buying a used car. Not that I’m comparing picking up women to buying a used car!

But this is just to show demonstrate where guys go wrong when trying to get to know a woman.

OK so you see a car that you like and you talk to the salesman. Now do you just ask him straight out if everything is OK with the car?

No of course not! Because if you do, he will just say “Yes” and you will learn nothing about the car. Following the same line of thinking, it’s like asking the salesman if he’s trustworthy. Ridiculous.

Instead you want to find out everything about the car that you can so there are no hidden surprises after you already paid for it. You want a clear demonstration that the car is fully functional.

Getting back to PU, you need to know what specific qualities you are looking for, then you give her a chance to demonstrate those qualities.

So if you, like me, enjoy traveling and want to know if she likes doing the same then talk about traveling and let her do the same. For example, talk about some of your most memorable trips and let her talk about hers.

Tell stories in VIVID details, paint up scenarios and pictures for her to imagine herself in. The more details that you can put up, the better she’ll be able to understand what you’re talking about, the better she’ll be able to understand you and the easier she’ll be able to connect with you. Which is exactly what you want.

When you qualify like this and get down to specific details, you will start to see her for the unique creature she is. The best part is she will want to do the same with you, when she sees that you are not asking the same old boring crap that most guys talk about, “Where you from?”, “What do you do? “, etc.

Now when she understands that you are getting to know her for who she is, that you are trying to connect with her, she is able to trust you and feels comfortable around you, then she will feel a connection with you. And if you add her feeling attraction for you into the equation, then she will feel a sexual connection with you.

Related

As I went through the article I couldn’t help thinking of how much I’d like to go and try all of this things with a beautiful woman. It was very useful to read!

Comment by Adrian |
December 5, 2010

Thanks, Adrian. Nowadays I like to behave as if she is already my lover or girlfriend or what ever I want her to be – it allows me to just transmit that trustability and confidence from the very beginning.

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This is a Mens dating advice blog for all men seeking to improve their dating experiences. What also makes this different is that it is multi-media informative blog and unlike other blogs or sites not aimed at the art of seducing or cheating women but to self development, improving ones dating experiences.