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CAT'S IN THE CRADLE . . .

First Birthdays Are True Milestones!Yesterday I spent a wonderful afternoon with my first grandchild. It was her first birthday and I had not seen her in 5 months. I knew she wouldn’t remember me --- at that age children have so much going on in their head that new people can bring forth more fear than curiosity. So I was prepared to watch her from the sidelines and just enjoy the verbal interaction.

My son, however, was determined that Grandma would eventually get to hold his princess and he amazed me with his method. I’m not sure whether he had thought it out ahead of time or it just evolved --- either way it was perfect. Teagan adores her Daddy and he was holding her as we prepared to leave for a local restaurant. While holding her he sidled up to me and gave me a hug too. The 3 of us stood there hugging each other and suddenly he said to me, “Have you got her?” and walked away! I had her --- and she was OK with it. What a momentary thrill to be holding and snuggling this miniature of my son (he is now 37 and I'm a midget next to him!).

We went to the restaurant and eventually she ended up on the seat next to me, playing with my cell phone (she is obviously thrilled with all forms of technology --- cameras, cell phones, etc., and will likely be follow in the footsteps of her parents in that regard).
Her Mom would put her cell phone to her ear and say “Hello” and Teagan would put my phone to her ear and say “Allooo” --- just as her Mother had taught her with a play phone. I have a picture of her on my cell phone screensaver. When it would disappear Teagan would start pushing buttons and look at me saying “baba” until I made the picture come back.

What Does This Have To Do With Organizationville? Well, I’m glad you asked. As I watched her standing on the tips of her toes --- exactly what her Daddy had done at that age --- I realized how quickly the time had passed --- and how many tiny little moments like that I had forgotten about over the years. As the day progressed and I saw so many little things that brought forth a flood of memories, I realized how very grateful I was that I HAD those memories to revisit. How sad it would have been had I spent the entire afternoon with Teagan and not been reminded, even fleetingly, of similar moments with her father. I quickly realized there ARE people out there who do NOT have those memories of their darling children because they were too busy working or doing other things.

Do You Love Your Family? Do They Know It By Your Actions? Part of getting organized is making more time for the people and projects you love. If nothing else motivates you to get your life in order and find the right people to assist you with your professional life, being able to spend more time making wonderful memories with your family should be a key motivator. And if, like many folks, you missed those precious moments the first time ‘round, take this opportunity to make up for that with your grandchildren. You’ll be amazed at the things you will learn about yourself and your family members in the process.

New studies on family life and children seem to come out daily. But numerous evaluations have shown that there are several basic categories of interactions which children consistently want with their parents:

TRADITION! Remember that song in "Fiddler On The Roof?" Successful lives revolve around rituals and traditions. Things such as reading to children in bed, sharing mealtimes and repeated family celebrations are profoundly important to children --- especially younger children. It gives them a sense of security. These rituals are, by definition, exact and specific. If you want teenagers to respect these family traditions, you need to work them into daily life from infancy.

AM I IMPORTANT, DADDY? Relationships are built on a singular basis. Just as you meet regularly with that important client, you need to spend one-on-one time with each of your children on a regular basis. With younger children it can be playing a game. With older children, perhaps a special lunch --- a girls’ day out getting a manicure and pedicure --- or a stop for coffee at the local “in” café. Something that says to this child that they have your undivided attention for that time frame and that they are important to you. Children who are having problems, middle children and preteens often benefit greatly from this additional attention.

DO A LITTLE NESTING. Don’t schedule every minute of time. Allow for spontaneity and fun. My best memories of my own childhood were Sundays when we came home from church, ate dinner, and then kicked back and read the newspaper, played board games, read books together or decided on a family project. Family holidays were a treat as my Mother, who had her own business, had more time to spend with us. In today’s climate we often pack holidays to the brim with various “must do” things. We forget that something as simple as an evening baking Christmas cookies can be more fun then nonstop running around to various external Christmas events.

I have a close friend of Italian heritage. Every year she and her boys bake traditional Christmas cookies and they watch with anticipation as they present me with my plate of goodies. I always love the cookies and I love the joy it brings to their faces when they see how excited I am to get them. It’s a ritual --- small, but significant.

Scheduling Takes Work --- Teach Your Kids How To Do It! Busy people have to plan ahead, prioritize and delegate in order to get things done and have time left over. Put your family time and family activities on your calendar. Sit down with your spouse and children on the weekend and find out what is coming up in the next week that needs your time and attention --- put it on your calendar. If Mom is at home with the kids most of the time, then Dad should plan
to spend time during the week helping the kids with schoolwork or
Saturday morning chores -- or vice versa. Set aside Saturday or Sunday afternoon/evening as simply “family time” and use that time for whatever seems like fun at the time. Don’t allow anything but the utmost emergency to steal that time from you and your family. Most clients and coworkers will respect you far more if you tell them you are unavailable on Sunday afternoon as that is your family time!

Learn the value of saying “no” and meaning it. We constantly complain about how busy we are, yet refuse to develop the skills necessary to relieve all that stress. Nothing will impact your life more than taking control of your time and including your family in your plan.

Time You Can Never Reclaim! In the last year or so I have often thought of the old Harry Chapin song “Cat's In The Cradle.” It made me cry, even as a young adult. And from this side of the post I now see even more clearly how it happens --- Father is too busy working to spend time with his young son, but keeps promising that he’s gonna spend time with him soon. The scenario is repeated throughout the boy’s childhood. One day the father retires and has loads of time and now his son is too busy to spend time with him. It happens to each and every one of us on occasion. It is the saddest thing I can imagine and yet at one time or another we are all guilty of it. The point is to make sure it does not become a ritual of the worst kind.

My parents were divorced when I was young. After my son was born I remember my Father saying he hoped with my son he could experience some of the moments he missed when my brother and I were growing up. Bringing up beautiful, positive, well-adjusted children is the highest achievement for any parent. You are, after all, influencing another generation. When you look into that crystal ball, what do you hope to see? How do you want your children’s lives to play out? We can’t control everything, but we can give them the skills to move forward in life confidently, with respect for all, and with skills that allow them to do more than just survive.

Children reflect what they grew up with. Let them see what it takes to make life work well. Kids grow up so quickly. Don’t let the world steal those precious moments from your stash of memories. Live a balanced life --- professionally and personally. Make the changes necessary to truly be a part of your family --- make your children and/or spouse your highest priority in life --- you will never regret it. Time is something we alone can give --- but we can never retrieve the time we lose or throw away through sheer negligence.

You can make the necessary changes --- it just takes a bit of planning. If you want additional help with family-oriented ideas, check out the website Parenting Ideas. After all, “ . . .if you don’t change now, you’ll end up where you’re going!"

Today's Assignment: Sit down with your family and carve out a 2 hour time frame when you will all spend time together on a consistent basis. Put that on your calendar. Then find out what meetings, school events or programs, sporting events., etc., need your time and attention this week and enter those on your calendar. Now you have something to plan AROUND! Now your family knows when they will see you. Now you are on your way to Organizationville!!

Don't be afraid --- make new friends. Try something new. It's good to break out of the routine sometimes! And take a moment to relax and meet some of my favorite friends. Laughing is good for the soul and you'll find more than one laugh in here. Enjoy!

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