DOG SHOOTS MAN

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You see one or two of these stories every year, because there's an unfortunately large overlap in the Venn diagram that includes "hunters" and "idiots," but here we go anyway: a Texas man out hunting was killed when his retriever stepped on his shotgun. How does a dog fire a weapon, you ask?

Perry Price, a 46-year-old math teacher, shot a goose on Saturday then put his gun in the back of the truck where the dog was waiting to retrieve the bird… Investigators found paw prints and mud from the dog, a chocolate Labrador retriever named Arthur, on the shotgun.

"Bad dog! Bad dog, Arthur! Gosh, I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I've told him not to shoot people. Say, do you mind if I rub his nose in the wound? I really want to break this habit."

(Captain Ufford says… Treat every weapon as if it were loaded. Never point a weapon at any thing you do not intend to kill. Keep your finger straight and off the trigger until you are ready to fire. Keep the weapon on safe until you intend to fire. Those are the four safety rules for handling firearms. Screw up one of those rules and it's possible that no one gets hurt. Fuck up on three out of four, and you fail at life.)

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5. Two in the center of mass, one in the brain as a coup de grace. Am I the only one who went to a public high school?

By: Smello Redux

01.10.2008 @ 4:51 PM

I tried hunting exactly once. The boyfriend would not give me a gun & expected me to carry his dead birds. I left him in the woods & drove home.

If only one of his dogs had been as smart as Arthur.

By: jimmy

01.10.2008 @ 4:51 PM

Best.Caption.Ever.

By: Matt

01.10.2008 @ 4:52 PM

Conserve your ammo, HoHos. One center mass to slow/stop your target, one in the head for the kill.

With poor fire discipline like that, it must have been a public school.

By: Anonymous

01.10.2008 @ 4:54 PM

To quote nelson muntz

"Ha, Ha!!"

Karma 1 – Hunters 2,0000000000000

Let's hope they get a streak going to catch up.

By: bobafet7t7

01.10.2008 @ 4:54 PM

Irony is pretty Ironic sometimes

By: Tim

01.10.2008 @ 5:03 PM

Guns don't kill people. Dogs… Oh, I can't even finish it.

By: whowillsexmutombo

01.10.2008 @ 5:13 PM

I see no rules for disposal of fire arms after the commission of a felony. This site is no help whatsoever.

By: Pauly

01.10.2008 @ 5:17 PM

1 shot. 1 kill.

@Matt – I'm so jealous of you Marines, you get to kill insurgents and stuff and you get praised for it. When, us civilians, have to buy rubber tubing, lime, duct tape, dig a hole, get rid of the body/evidence, and kill the witnessess just to get away with murder. Not fair.

By: Samuel L. Bronkowitz

01.10.2008 @ 5:18 PM

It's gonna be so awkward if that dog gets sent to Leavenworth.

By: phony gwynn

01.10.2008 @ 5:22 PM

You're not a Captain. Are you?

By: Merk

01.10.2008 @ 5:24 PM

+1 samuel L.

I think it's just terrific that this guy was a teacher. The more I think about it, maybe the school system in Texas isn't really up to snuff.

By: Enrico Pallazzo

01.10.2008 @ 5:34 PM

Perry Price was truly an idiot. He didn't even realize that Arthur was setting him up with his shifty eyes.

By: Pauly

01.10.2008 @ 5:36 PM

Perry: Put that gun down, Arthur!

Arthur: You knew this day was coming, Perry. You knew all along!

Perry: Arthur, I thought we were friends.

Arthur: Peanut Butter, Perry? Does Peanut Butter ring a bell?

By: Mr. Bananagrabber

01.10.2008 @ 5:43 PM

Bravo, Pauly.

By: HoHosWeKnows

01.10.2008 @ 6:57 PM

@Matt–will do. I think I could learn a lot about marksmanship from you; and, for that matter, from Arthur.