Monday, September 19, 2011

Wish List

With the New Hampshire Primary (biggest gaudiest medicine show since the FDA forced Hadacol off the market in 1953) soooo tantalizingly close by, I thought I'd share the politicians and stump speeches I'd like to see this time around.

1.) "High Pitched Rick" Santorum. The very living embodiment of Allen Drury's fictional "Senator Fred van Ackerman" character, with a predilection towards the slaughter of unarmed straw men. He came in for some coverage from the Globe today, I'm anxious to see his stump speech since I'm not sure if he'll tough it out til New Years. Romney and Perry must both being querying Santorum on his asking price on a "bail-n-endorse" scenario.

2.) Michele Bachmann, Ah crazy Michele, she hasn't said a single sensible thing in over a year and auds go wild for here. Thirty years ago, she'd a been relegated to a straitjacket at McLean's Hospital, now she is bidding on the White House. If that doesn't perfectly illustrate the decline and fall of politics in the USA what does? Otherwise I hear Michele is shrill and crazy, the campaign appearances ought to be a hoot. And besides, I suspect she just might have some Mike Huckabee style traction out there, enough perhaps to get her a Vice Presidential consideration if the top swank ends up being a useless stiff like Mitt Romney.

3.) Mitt Romney, last time I saw Willard run thru his act in Nashua he was semi unintelligible due to a tendency to rocket thru his bullet points. That is when he wasn't mumbling, wallowing in feckless insincerity, evading the point or plain lying and lying badly.
All the pundits say he is a much improved public speaker since 2008, I need to see that for myself. Besides, this is Mitt Romney we are talking about, when he tells the grandkids dinner is ready, they text grandma to make sure.

One last point, I'm having a divvil of a time figuring out the the NH schedules of the above captioned citizenry, their campaign websites are awfully obscure as to where they are gonna be next in the Granite State. Any tips on that whole process will be appreciated, and don't worry I'm a low key observer, I don't confront the candidate or anything. I just go back to my keyboard and snark on their asses behind their backs, as Kathy Griffin says "I wuz raised right".