Living Far Away in the Land of Creative Daydreaming

Today I turned 64 and as I write this post I marvel at myself for sharing it with the Internet world. Not because my age bothers me but because I’m such a private person at heart.

I’ve pondered this question a lot this year because it seems that much of what I write has become more and more personal.

I think I stumbled upon the answer recently on Instagram, of all places.

“Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide.” — D.W. Winnicott

Lightbulbs started flashing when I read that! I had to Google D.W. Winnicott (a deceased English pediatrician and psychoanalyst) because I hadn’t a clue who he was. Turns out he knew a lot about artists.

I have been on a mission this holiday season to gracefully retreat as much as humanly possible. I’ve been downsizing my doing the past few years but this year I really excused myself without guilt from just about everything. No cards, no shopping, no busy places.

Old habits die hard, especially where family traditions are involved.

The child in me still loves twinkle lights, the crisp clean air after a fresh snow, my mother’s old ornaments that grace my lovely 9 ft. cactus, Miss Claire, and sometimes holiday music. But living alone and being older allows me to let go of that which no longer serves my peace of mind.

I want quiet. I want slow. I want solitude.

The animals have returned to my dreams – both in my sleep and waking states – and I am paying attention.

I’m not gonna lie – it’s been a rough year for myself and lots of people I’m close with (politics aside). I’ve felt myself pulling away and away and away, wanting, needing, to be alone, set stronger boundaries, look deeper within, be with the trees.

We Sagittarians sure do like to look within.

We are the truth-seekers.

And thankfully, the most optimistic sign in the Zodiac.

This birthday morning I woke up, lit a candle, and pulled a card from “Wild Wisdom of the Faery Oracle“. Yes, guidance from the faery realm. They seem to have a window into my soul 🙂

Well, let me tell you, those faeries confirmed what I already knew.

“Far, Far Away – Creative Daydreaming” was the card that flew out of the deck this time.

“A tendency to daydream will be with you at this time and this daydream will allow you to create, receive messages, send messages and understand far more than you believe at present. Far far away; others may say you have a lack of focus; that you feel disconnected…But you know the truth. That as a dreamer, you have no choice. The dreams come and find you. And that is a good thing — a blessing, not a curse.”

I have quite a stack of oracle cards and I know a gifted tarot reader, but there’s something extra-magical about this faery oracle. Only once did a card not resonate with me.

Of course, I didn’t need a card to tell me what I already knew. But it made me smile to see the confirmation and the beautiful message of creativity and daydreaming.

January fast approaches and for the past few years, I’ve declared it my favorite month. While others are desperately escaping to a warm tropical climate, I am embracing the act of hibernation. It’s no coincidence that Mama Bear has been part of my dream life.

It’s an interesting phenomenon – needing to slow down and yet feeling the excitement of creativity wanting to be born. I realize it’s a feeling I’ve had my entire life but now, in my sixties, I can truly embrace it.

An old friend of mine recently commented that there are some things he’s loving about getting older. I would have to agree.

We’re both in the vata time of life which is ripe with inspiration, spirituality, and creativity.

Because I have a lot of vata in my constitution and it’s vata season, it’s no wonder I’m finding it hard to keep my feet on the ground. I’m not kidding when I say I’m spending so much time in a dream state.

This is where my friends, the trees, come in. I seek them out to bring me back down to Earth, if even for just a little while. 🌲

You may still be in the pitta time of your life (roughly puberty-50) and wholeheartedly participating in all that the holidays bring. I have lots of friends and family still in this age group.

When I was there I often struggled to maintain my sanity. Now, I’ve settled into a quieter way of life that I love.

If you’re looking for me and think I’ve disappeared, know that I haven’t forgotten you. You may just have to find me in your dreams.

4 Comments

Happy Birthday Barbara! I honour you for being so open in your sharing. As one who will soon enter life’s 3rd act (as Jane Fonda describes 60-90 years of age) as well, I can relate to much of what you describe . Nature offers us so many wonderful gifts, if only everyone could connect with it and fully appreciate it as many of us do. Being summer vacation time here downunder, it’s also a time a slow down with our often intense heat, and take time to reflect. I’ve declared this vacation my time for self-care and healing after a rather torrid year too, I pray that my dreams may become more interesting and insightful as yours have. As you know, I also love the faeries, recently experiencing an energy healer telling me that he ‘saw’ my wings which was rather extraordinary but exciting. Sending you much love and best wishes for your new year ahead.

Wishing you many more birthdays, Barbara. I loved your post. I can truly relate to what you are saying, and feeling validated that I’m not the only person who feels like this. Enjoy your hibernation, but do keep in touch. It’s always wonderful to hear from you.

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