New venue – old hair

TV types attending last night's Bafta television awards found themselves in strange surroundings – the bash abandoned its normal West-End-theatre, pile-on-a-bus, Park-Lane-hotel routine for a whole night at the Royal Festival Hall. But even on the South Bank, some things never change, including the red carpet providing the usual mix of sartorial elegance and car crash. Despite sporting a delightful 60s-style bouffant, Barbara Windsor, was pipped to the Barnet of The Night award by Justin Lee Collins, whose blow-dried number left him looking one part Nicky Clarke, two parts Simba.

Jonathan scoffs

Jonathan Ross and wife Jane galloped up the red carpet fashionably late. But no time for any tea beforehand, Jonathan? It seems not, given the venom with which he destroyed his dessert at the after-show dinner.

Norton mauls Moyles

Host Graham Norton, resplendent in a white silky flower pattern jacket, had his work cut out warming up the notoriously cool audience. His first couple of jokes met with a muted response. Mind you, his first effort wasn't great. "This year's budget is stretched tighter than Jeremy Clarkson's belt." No laughs. The gag about the stars of Channel 4's Embarrassing Bodies being in the room was better - cue camera cutting away to Chris Moyles.

The Radio 1 DJ was the butt of another Norton gag later, as he came on to present the audience award to Skins with Davina McCall. "What can I say about Chris Moyles that hasn't already been said - he's skinny, charming?" Blimey, Graham - what did he ever do to you?

Harry's games

Even though he pipped Ross to take home the Bafta for entertainment performance for the second year in a row, Harry Hill proved himself a keen advocate of revamping the format. "There is only ever one real way to find out which was the better entertainment show and that would be a mass all-in fight," Hill said in the winners press conference. "Round one would be a fight with Ant and Dec against Stephen Fry. They'd be the same weight if you add Ant and Dec together. The winner would then face Jonathan Ross. The winner I predict would then be Jonathan."

And the prize for best gush goes to ...

Dermot O'Leary staked an early claim for Celebrity Gush of the Evening as he heaped praise on Cheryl Cole's contribution to The X Factor in the winners' press conference. "She has been incredible this year – she has been such a great judge for us. She injected a new lease of life into all of us because of the warmth she gives out." Enough, already. "It doesn't matter who you are when you walk through the door. It doesn't matter whether you work on the production team or a runner or an exec she treats everyone the same way." Seriously - give it a rest. "She is an adorable girl and she is so, so smart. And I think that's been the great thing for us, someone who has that human touch. I think her input this year has been immeasurable." Pass the sick bucket could you, Dermot?

Duelling with a Dragon

Winning his first Bafta brought out a pang of guilt in Harry Enfield as he contemplated his takeoff of Dragons' Den judge Deborah Meaden. "She's so nice and I'm so horrid about her." But it didn't last all that long. "She [Meaden] said to me 'My husband says we are very similar, but you have better legs'." Ouch.

Not so special

Sporting some very natty facial hair, The IT Crowd's Chris O'Dowd showed he'd clearly missed a production memo or two when he told the post-match press conference that the cast were already looking at ideas for the next series and a Christmas special. Only for writer Graham Linehan to ruin the party by pointing out there wasn't going to be a Christmas special. "Oh well," said the crestfallen O'Dowd. "Maybe there could be one now I've told everyone."

McIntyre makes the longlist

And the Ricky Gervais award for dying-hideously-on-stage-at-a-major-TV-event at last night's Baftas goes to ... Michael McIntyre. To the bafflement of the Royal Festival Hall audience - and by the looks of it, his best sitcom award co-presenter Tess Daly - McIntyre launched into a seemingly endless routine, asking them to clap if they were dying for the loo, needed the loo a bit, blah ... . He followed up with a riff that involved name-checking a succession of classic sitcoms, finishing up with "... Sorry - Taxi ...", that got an equally non-plussed response. Then Norton brought the house down by strolling back to the podium, arching an eyebrow at the camera, and saying "One Foot In The Grave". Cruel and unforgiving business, this comedy lark.

The real climax

TV types, as everyone knows, are an incredibly sophisticated and hard-to-please audience. So no surprises that one of the biggest laughs at the Baftas was for a clip from BBC1's Life in Cold Blood - featuring two giant tortoises mating, with that distinctive hushed Sir David Attenborough voiceover, explaining that this could go on for a very, very long time. As James Nesbitt put it later, when he later took to the stage to present the best actress award: "In my next life, I want to come back as a giant tortoise."