Thursday, August 05, 2004

scared

I'm scared.

I've been so blasé about the whole job quitting and the not having a job for awhile won't kill me thing but the whole thing is just beginning to sink in now. All the worries and all the reasons which kept me holding on to this job for the past two year are now going to be in-your-face real, come October.

There were some calls for potential job interview a couple weeks back but I haven't received the email/callback which the agents mentioned. The proper thing to do for this would be to have me call them up and check-up except 1. I didn't have their number, 2. I don't remember the name of one of the agents who called, and 3. I'm not sure if I want to go through the whole IT thing again. About #3? I don't know what else I'm capable of doing besides IT (and even this, I don't seem to be extremely capable).

Some have suggested that I teach dance. Well ... I could do that ... but where? And who would take classes from me? Plus, I'm one of those people who of the opinion that if you don't know enough of something, you shouldn't be teaching someone else about it. I might know my cha-cha-cha but there's so much to the cha-cha-cha that I still don't know about and therefore, don't feel confident in teaching it. *sigh* I should just shut up and do it, shouldn't I? Just teach what I know? To those who don't know anything at all?

Ok. That's option 2. Option 1 is of course to just keep looking for other development jobs.

Options 3 is a really short term thing which, if precedence prevails, won't happen, a 3 contract dance job. Cool isn't it? A job just to dance. And not a super taxing dance thing either from what I hear. Backup dancing to a latino band at a new latin club/bar. Three hours a day, about 3k a month. Hmmm ... if dancing was that well paying, why are there so many struggling dancers?

Option 4 ... friend's grant gets approved and I work for him. Still in IT. Still in development but we'll be working on something new. When it gets approved lah. Got rejected the first round and will be going for a review.

Why? I don't know? I think it might be an interesting job. Having been in several theatre/art productions I find that the many things required to get just one little production working, utterly fascinating (ehm ... one recent production notwithstanding). What Lee Swan did, what the lighting guys do, the staging guys, the Uncle Wong team ... too bad I didn't have a chance to do more in the last production. So yeah! Would love to go into event management if possible. Question is HOW?!

In the mean time, I will keep on applying for IT jobs. I still have a car to pay for. Scratching my head now wondering how I can come up with 15k to pay off the company's car loan when my last day comes. Dad doesn't think I can get a loan from the bank cause I'll be unemployed. *sigh*