Pizza War's Overkill

JOHN GROGAN Staff Columnist

Any Way You Slice It

August 10, 1994|JOHN GROGAN

H. Wayne Huizenga will own South Florida soon enough. In the meantime, I wish he'd take a brief break from empire building to lighten up a little.

The Waynester and his corporate henchmen have been in a bit of a froth lately over what they consider a bald-faced attempt by an entrepreneur to jump on the Blockbuster bandwagon. They've moved in swiftly to cut the interloper off at the knees.

The fight centers around Wayne's trademark Blockbuster name, which covers the South Florida landscape like a blue-and-yellow fungus.

When Bill Lirio decided to open a pizzeria in downtown Fort Lauderdale, he thought he was on to something cute when he came up with the name Buster Block's Blockbustin' Pizza. After all, it seemed to make sense considering Blockbuster's world headquarters were located just a few blocks away.

Wayne's team found no humor in the name play. Before the pizzeria even opened, Blockbuster Entertainment sued Lirio for trademark infringement.

A little rhyme, no reason

So, OK, the name was a thinly veiled rip-off of the Blockbuster mystique. No harm intended. Lirio came up with a new name along the same theme: Clock's Clockbustin' Pizza. When I hear that name I think of a place that promises to serve up pizza in record time. I don't say, "Oh wow, Blockbuster Entertainment has gone into the pizza business. What will they think of next?''

But the name still wasn't good enough, and Blockbuster again sent in the gray suits.

So Lirio decided to move far away from Wayne's realm. He came up with Buster Baker the Pizza Maker. Safe enough, right? Only four letters out of 24 shared any similarity with the corporate giant up the street.

Still not good enough for Blockbuster.

In his first three weeks in business, Lirio was forced to change his pizzeria's name three times. New signs, new menus, new advertising. Now Blockbuster wants him to cough up $35,000 in lawyers fees and a slice of profits earned while the pizzeria operated under any of the "buster" names.

Lirio laughs at the thought of profits. So far, the name flap has eaten up an estimated $25,000, and his profit margin hovers somewhere below zero.

To get out from under Wayne's thumb, he renamed his parlor Jailhouse Pizza in honor of the County Jail, which towers nearby. No word yet on whether Broward Sheriff Ron Cochran plans to sue.

Where's your shame, Wayne?

A trademark is a trademark, and when you put one on a name, other people are not supposed to use it. Still, Wayne and his humorless blockheads should be ashamed of themselves. There's ice in them corporate veins.

The Blockbuster empire hauled in $2 billion last year. That's more than the gross national product of Mozambique. Does Team Wayne really think Bill Lirio's ma-and-pa pizza joint poses a threat to the empire?

Besides, how far does trademark protection extend? Blockbuster Pizza would be a definite no-no. But Clockbustin' Pizza? Buster Baker the Pizza Maker? Does Wayne have a lock on every word that starts with B or rhymes with block?

Next the word police at Blockbuster are going to go after neighborhood associations for having block parties and women for having busts.

Hey, Wayne! Speak to us from up there. When's it gonna end?

If you want to put a video store on every street corner in America, Wayne, I guess we can learn to live with that. If you get your way and pave over half the Everglades to build a Disney-wannabe theme kingdom, I guess we'll have to live with that, too.