Who Are You F**king In Your Head?

So, assuming you’re not taking the help of any external stimulation (porn movies, erotica, a recording of your partner’s moans from last night’s phone sex, other people’s fingers……you get the drift), here’s my first question to you: Who do you think about while you’re going at it?

Alright, then. Let’s talk about something we don’t talk about enough: the little porno movie that plays in your head while you’re pleasuring yourself. Or in other, not so prudish words, while you’re masturbating. I’m not concerned as much about the act itself as I am about what goes on in your head while you’re doing it.

We all need some kind of “stimulation” in the absence of vibrators, both mechanical and human. Before you go, Eh, that’s what we have our hands for, let me clarify what I mean. I’m talking about the person you picture in your head when the real one is not part of the action. Being the visual creatures that we are, it’s our imagination that lets us jump hands first into this delightful deed. It’s the fantasy we weave in our heads that helps our fingers tickle all the right nerve endings.

So, assuming you’re not taking the help of any external stimulation (porn movies, erotica, a recording of your partner’s moans from last night’s phone sex, other people’s fingers……you get the drift), here’s my first question to you: Who do you think about while you’re going at it?

Do you think about the object of your horniness? Or the person you love or are in love with? Do you think about scenes from a porn movie? Famous movie stars? The hot woman from the bar you thought you had a connection with just because both of you looked at each other at the same time for 2 whole seconds? That girl you have a crush on? Your ex? Or do you think about someone you interact with daily but don’t really talk to or know?

The thing with our brains (or maybe it’s just mine…that cheeky little grey bastard), is that they’re really unpredictable. You can never tell what they’re gonna throw at you and yell, Surprise! Before I met The Girl, I used to think about hot women I’ve met or interacted with. After I met her, I didn’t want to think about anyone else but her. Then, one fine day, while I was just getting started, my brain decided to spice things up. Suddenly, there I was, with Chris Evans and Ryan Gosling in my head. I don’t know where they came from. Or why, even. They just showed up.

At first, I was a bit unsettled that my brain had so easily nudged The Girl out. Then I thought, hhmm, maybe some variety won’t hurt. And I don’t have to feel guilty because you know, they’re just movie stars. It’s not like I’m thinking about a regular person.

While I made my peace with that, it did get me thinking about what is considered cheating. Which brings me to my second question: Is thinking about a movie star while you’re masturbating okay as compared to thinking about a regular person from your everyday life? This person could be your hot work colleague, a friend’s sexy friend, or that mysterious stranger from the bar you went to with your partner. Basically, just another regular person, like you and me.

Call me crazy, but I’m not sure I’d be okay with my partner fantasizing about a regular person. But that’s just me. What do you think?

Tags

Share

About the author

Lady Jughead lives and writes in the city she loves and hates, Bombay. Without meaning to and harbouring mixed feelings about it (You’ll see the irony in just a bit), she’s forever wandering in the murkiness that exists between straight and gay, clear and clueless, butch and femme, cute and hot, and genius and insane. All of which leave her with a question that often occupies a significant portion of her cognitive capacity – is she Just Perfect or is she falling fast into the deep chasm of obscurity called Just Average?

I personally fluctuate between Emily Blunt and a really hot lady I travel with in the train. The answer to the 2nd question is kinda tricky. I guess technically there’s nothing wrong if you are masturbating alone. However, if your partner is with you and even then you think about some one else who you know; now that might be a bit undesirable.

Essentially, yes. I don’t think it really matters. When your partner is with you and you are with your partner, that is the only time your relationship is in practice/effect. Once both are not in contact, the relationship is hung in space and then reprises when you come in touch with your partner again. So what you do in your own time (when the relationship has temporarily ceased to exist) will not affect your relationship with your partner. Unless of course you give it importance when you are with your partner. Then one tends to mince paradigms. Basically, I think the physicality of one’s relationship (meetings, dates, phone conversations, sex) is what really constitutes of a relationship. One may still care for another, when one isn’t in contact, but that won’t have any impact (positive or negative) on the covenant. its skewed, I know… maybe that’s why I’m still single. :/

i think fantasizing about just about anyone is alright. it’s just that some partners might feel a bit insecure by the sheer “availability”, or rather, easy accessibility of a regular person; that’s about it i guess. do you share details about who and all of your fantasies with your partner/lover..? if you do, then that shows that you share a healthy relationship and ideally it should not matter to her. morally speaking, it’a abso-effing-lutely fine..

@Al – Does that mean if someone’s not in contact with their partner, it will be okay for them to go ahead and actually sleep with someone else? Because, technically, it will be something they’re doing on their own time. Is emotional/mental fidelity not as important as physical?

i have my doubts about that. more than (emotional/mental) fidelity, it’s honesty that is important. so i think it’d be better if you go, ‘wow look at that chick, she’s so hawt, i wanna…’ to your partner, than fantasize a zillion things privately in your head and not share anything. rather, i think it’s a pretty healthy activity; it helps everyone involved grow, mature.

You see, the act of sleeping with someone else isn’t inherently wrong. One is not hurting anyone presuming that its consensual for both parties. What is really wrong is the cultural baggage that is attached to such concepts. The nature of fidelity has always been a result of the corresponding socio-economic conditions of the time. In ancient Arabia, polygamy was encouraged so as to rehabilitate poor homes. Similarly, during times of major economic / demographic transitions, investing more in a fewer offspring (social monogamy) increased reproductive success by ensuring the offspring themselves have enough initial wealth to be successful. Consequently, like every other economic institution, monogamy was also interpellated by the culture of the time and then very effectively reinforced in the minds of the people so that they could internalise the concept as natural and inherent. These ideas of mental/emotional fidelity are exactly the type of culture induced dogma that fortify such a structure. So when your partner sleeps with someone else, if one looks at it objectively, one does not see anything wrong. That said, monogamy works exceptionally well in the current socio-economic set up that we are in, however, that does not automatically discredit polygamy or prove that there is anything wrong with it. Again, this is my view and it may be subject to change in the future.

@Jagdeep: Exactly!! Both parties need to consent for an open relationship and accommodate their expectations accordingly. Then the whole concept of “cheating” also ceases to exist. And yes, all are happy. 🙂

lady J. heeheehee!! 😛 i think most people think/fantasize about regular people. if my thoughts could be projected on big screen somehow, i’d be kicked out of the township i live in by all the wives (and some husbands) in a jiffy..heeheehee!! …maybe not the husbands.. 🙂

Follow Gaysi

Gaysi is a space where the Desi-Gay community comes together and shares personal stories, their triumphs and failures, their struggles and their dreams, their hopes and despair. And in doing so, gives other gaysis a sliver of hope too. More