Sunday, January 26, 2014

It was three years ago this week that i accepted an invitation to a job interview, that along with a series of other events, led to my finally leaving San Francisco that April, and moving here to London.

(Now before the great city of London takes any umbrage at this post, let me say that obviously moving here was one of the greatest things ever to happen to me, on both a personal and professional level.)

Yet there are nights like this one... where it is unseasonably warm for late January in London, and a slight fog hangs in air, when I do think of you, and you are missed.

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

The progressive blogosphere has been all a buzz over the past few days over the potential "outing" of a Conservative Republican Congressman as Gay. The Young Turks give us the details...

The Congressman in question is Aaaron Schock of Illinois, who has faced questions about his sexuality in the past. The initial posting by Journalist Itay Hod, and the subsequent coverage over onAmericablog, has once again put the issue of "outing" on the front page of the LGBT blogs. A number of people have asked me what I thought about all this. It's a complex question.

There are two schools of thought here, which can simplistically be described at the Privacy Argument and the Hypocrisy Argument. The first is pretty simple to understand. I don't know anyone who has come through the process of Coming Out, who couldn't tell you in vivid detail of the terror, and yes that is the word for it; The terror they felt at one time or another that they might be outed to friends, family, employers or anyone else for that matter, before they were ready to Come Out.

It is a fear that drives many LGBT people to suicide. The tragic case of 18 year old Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi, who committed suicide after being outed by his roommate, is one of countless cases where the result of either being outed, or the fear of being outed has been a direct factor in the tragic death of someone who was Gay.

Consequently, Outing is seen by many as a grotesque invasion of privacy, and something that can never be justified. I can appreciate that argument. After all, having faced that terror for years, growing up, it is something I would never want to intentionally inflict on anyone, even my worst enemy. Which interestingly enough leads right into the counter argument for Outing.

It is the argument that outing people who are Gay, but who actively work against LGBT rights, is justified. people who live a double life of attacking LGBT people by day, and sleeping with them by night. People likeGeorge Rekers . The prominent anti gay activist and proponent of the discredited practice of "Reparative Therapy". (The idea you can change Sexual Orientation through religion-based counseling.) A practice that has been directly responsible for the deaths of uncounted Gay and Lesbian youth, who in despair over being unable to change who there are, took their own lives.

Rekers was outed by a reporter when he returned from a European Vacation with a young gay male escort he had hired and taken with him on the trip. So the argument goes that the Outing of people like Rekers, and Congressman Schock, is a justified response to their own hypocrisy, and the damage their actions have done to other LGBT people.

Yet interestingly enough, the basic issue still remains the same. Fear. It is a fear of being outed that drives homophobia in many people. Causing some closeted LGBT people to act out in ways that they feel will help convince others (and themselves), that they are really straight. They see their actions as the way to fight the feelings they are struggling with. Feelings they desperately want to see as just some sort of temporary anomaly. Research has shown that many of the people who demonstrate the most pronounced discomfort with Homosexuality are if fact reacting to what they fear most in themselves.

There are many who argue that Congressman Schock's 100% record of voting against LGBT rights, and his public pronouncements against equal rights for LGBT Americans stands in such stark contrast to his personal conduct behind closed doors, that it warrants public exposure. I myself blogged extensively about the Rekers scandal, and at the time basically said that any public humiliation and harm that George Rekers suffered as a result of being outed, was not only justified but far was probably far less than what he deserved.

So why I am feeling squeamish about the outing of Aaron Schock?

I don't really know exactly. Part of me feels that Schock is not "important enough", to warrant being outed. One could argue that Schock has never been the deciding vote on any of the major issues we are talking about here. His anti-gay actions, whatever the motivation, have not prevented Illinois from becoming a state where Marriage Equality is the law of the land.

Yet, at the same time I can understand why many people are opposed to giving Congressman Schock a pass, if he IS gay. As his actions in Congress certainly reek of hypocrisy. I have known other Republican politicians who are Gay , or who I certainly believed were Gay, and often wondered how they reconciled their public actions with who they truly are. It must be said, Coming Out is not easy. It is a tumultuous and at times terrifying process of self acceptance and discovery.

Looking back on my own journey, I can in partially empathize with people like Congressman Aaron Schock. I was a College Republican until I finally left the GOP in 1992. When the anti-gay rhetoric and policies became more than I could in my own deep dark closet, ignore. Yet up to that point, I had campaigned and voted for Ronald Reagan, and George HW Bush. So you could say, in my own small way, I helped enable the massage damage both those Presidencies wreaked upon the LGBT community. Yet as with most things in life, the issues we face, and choices we make when living in that state of constant fear, otherwise known as, "the closet", are never as black and white as many would like to claim.

If Aaron Schock is Gay, I can only hope he realizes what people like former RNC Chair Ken Mehlman, and other people who once were driven by their own internalized homophobia to work against the rights of people just like them, have discovered. Coming Out is not only liberating, but you find a community that is first and foremost, accepting and yes... forgiving.

After all, most of us have been there too, and can honestly say that life truly is better on the other side of that closet door.

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

"Auld Lang Syne" (Scots pronunciation: [ˈɔːl(d) lɑŋˈsəin]: note "s" rather than "z") is a Scots poem written by Robert Burns in 1788and set to the tune of a traditional folk song (Roud # 6294).The song's Scots title may be translated into English literally as "old long since", or more idiomatically, "long long ago",or "days gone by" or "old times". Consequently "For auld lang syne", as it appears in the first line of the chorus, might be loosely translated as "for (the sake of) old times".

This year we actually managed to avoid the crowds in Central London and instead opted for a quiet New Year's at home watching the various celebrations unfold both here in London and around the world.

Reading posts on the various social media platforms, it seems there are lots of people around the world who are not sad to see 2013 depart. It has been a difficult year for many. Economic pressures around the world, while easing somewhat in places, remain an issue for vast majority of people. We have seen a largely jobless recovery that seems to be benefiting a the top 1% far more than it has helped anyone else yet.

For us, 2013 was not a bad year but it was challenging. My travel schedule was insane having started the year with a trip to Hong Kong, then hitting the Middle East, Central Europe, North America, then back to Germany and Poland, and finishing up the year last month back in Hong Kong. Thankfully 2014 promises to be a year of considerably less business travel.

One bright spot this year were dramatic changes in the US around the issue of Same Sex Marriage, along with our own American wedding, in San Francisco last July. (We were already legal spouses here in the UK through our Civil Partnership) Consequently, a question we have been asked regularly this year, is will be be moving back to the United States?

That is a complex issue and frankly, there isn't a simply yes or no answer to that. Yes, we would like at some point, to move back to the U.S., but No, we don't know exactly when that will be.

Also, we look across the pond and see the state of affairs back in the United States, and frankly it doesn't inspire an overwhelming rush to pack up and move back. The end of 2013 saw the Republican Party double down on the Obama Derangement Syndrome that has defined them for the last 5 years. A move that has accomplished nothing, other than critically damaging the GOP's chances of ever again being a national governing party.

Yet stupidity cloaked in political ideology is not solely an American prerogative. Here in the United Kingdom, Britain's own version of the "tea party" are the folks over at the United Kingdom Independence Party or "UKIP". Like their Duck Dynasty loving cousins across the pond, UKIP has decided that trying to make voters scared of people who are not white anglo-saxons is the best way to take votes away from Britain's Conservative Party. The effort however, rather like a Sarah Palin Book tour, has not been going well.

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We are optimistic about 2014 though. It will be a year of big changes for Eric and myself. Later this month I will leave my current role with Buro Happold after a wonderful 3 years as their head of Learning and Development, and move on to an exciting new role leading global L&D efforts back in the Financial Services sector. It is in many ways coming full circle for me. Having had my first senior role in Corporate Learning years ago, with the global Dutch bank ABN AMRO.

In wishing a Happy New Year to all our friends and family around the world, we are so grateful for your love and friendship. To our families in the United States in New Jersey, Wisconsin and California, in Malaysia, in Kuala Lumpur and Malacca and here in the UK in North London. We love you all and hope to see more of you in 2014.

To our incredible "extended family", our friends scattered all over the globe. We think of and miss you all. From folks back in LA and San Francisco, CA to Dallas, Houston and San Antonio TX, Omaha NE, Chicago, IL, Madison and Milwaukee WI, New York, NY, Knoxville, TN, Seattle, WA, Portland, OR, Latrobe, PA., Winchendon and Wilmington, MA. Columbus and Dahlonega GA. Sydney and Melbourne Australia, Osan, South Korea, Hong Kong, Toronto, Brussels, Kuala Lumpur , Amsterdam, Lisbon and Sao Paulo , and of course here in London. To name only a few of the corners of the world where we are blessed to have amazing friends.

To all of you we can only say how much we hope to see you at some point in 2014, and remind you that we do have a rather nice guest room here.... just sayin'...

Happy New Year Everyone. Here's to 2014! May it bring all that you hope for, and more.