I have a problem trying to find an answer when I think about people ask if we are circumcising or not. We definitely aren't but I don't want them to think I am looking down on them for choosing to do it, ya know? I can just see the conversation getting awkward. Any suggestions?

I would be honest which for me would be "we don't believe in unnecessary medical intervention". Also, In my case "our doctor does not recommend routine circ". I ended up having girls so don't know how well these work though.

something like:
-we felt comfortable opting out of circing
-this is what seemed right for our family
-we had some concerns about circing and some concerns about not but in
the end felt more comfortable not circing (if you want to go in to more details this may open the door for an interesting discussion where you can address the other person's concerns - like: we were worried that he might be uncomfortable not looking like his peers but now the circ rate is about 50%, etc, etc).

I assume your concern is more with your peers rather than family? I think the discussion might be different if you're talking to the neighbor who has kids slightly older than yours vs. your mom.

My diplomatic version: His penis, his decision, and there's no medical reason to do it.

What I say when someone has been hateful and p*ssed me off about it: Performing unnecessary cosmetic surgery on the genitals of someone who cannot consent is WRONG. If someone held YOU down and cut parts of your genitals off, they'd go to jail, not get paid like the ones who do it to babies.

I take it as an open invitation to educate. I have convinced 4 people who asked me that question. I wish more people would ask me... then I wouldn't have to be the one bringing up baby penises at cocktail parties!

I've only been asked once by my brother (who thought it was pretty cool I went against the grain, at least for my family). I ranted for about a half hour.

If someone asked me again I'd probably talk about how important I think the foreskin is and describe it in detail so they know it's not just "a little flap of skin" and how important I think it is that a person be allowed to make the decision for themselves someday.

I take it as an open invitation to educate. I have convinced 4 people who asked me that question. I wish more people would ask me... then I wouldn't have to be the one bringing up baby penises at cocktail parties!

THIS!! I would make an effort to answer their question with questions that opens discourse- not a flat "don't talk to me about this- case closed"

Something like: "I have been looking into circumcision quite a bit- and I'm very interested to hear your thoughts and experiences on the matter!"

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" - Dr. Seuss

My diplomatic version: His penis, his decision, and there's no medical reason to do it.

What I say when someone has been hateful and p*ssed me off about it: Performing unnecessary cosmetic surgery on the genitals of someone who cannot consent is WRONG. If someone held YOU down and cut parts of your genitals off, they'd go to jail, not get paid like the ones who do it to babies.

Yeah my family knows and I have no problem telling them exactly why. But for some reason I have anxiety about explaining it to friends with children that have boys that are circumcised. I really don't want them to think I see them as having made the wrong decision. There are 2 people in particular that I don't want to have the conversation with. Even though I know it's the right decision, I still have a problem. Not sure why??

Yeah my family knows and I have no problem telling them exactly why. But for some reason I have anxiety about explaining it to friends with children that have boys that are circumcised. I really don't want them to think I see them as having made the wrong decision. There are 2 people in particular that I don't want to have the conversation with. Even though I know it's the right decision, I still have a problem. Not sure why??

I think I can understand how you're feeling... and would feel the same way if I were ever asked the question (which in three years I have not been asked once, but I live in San Francisco area and I think lots of people aren't circ'ing here). So, if I were ever asked, I think I would say something light like "it just didn't seem necessary" and try to end the conversation. I mean, if you didn't want to have the conversation I would do something like that -- something that's not meant to provoke, that makes it sound like it was simply a choice I made and other people are free to make other choices and I'm not going to judge them for it.

Maybe I come from a different place because I don't feel "intactivist" about it at all, my DH is not circ'd (he's from Europe) and we've never even considered circumcision for DS. So it was never a big deal to me, just a personal choice. I don't think people will necessarily assume that you are judging them (unless you use language that is meant to provoke a reaction).

I really don't want them to think I see them as having made the wrong decision.

I understand completely. The funny thing is, I *do* see them as having made the wrong decision, but it's too late and nobody can un-do it at this point. In this case, I'd try to get out of the conversation pretty quickly before I say something I shouldn't.

The only questions I've gotten about keeping DS intact revolve around the "odd kid out" idea (oooh wouldn't want to be the weird guy in the locker room, ya know) so I just explain that with national circ rates hovering in the 50%'s, that 'stigma' doesn't really exist the way it might have a generation ago. Chances are, all boys are going to have questions about circumcision at some point, and I'd rather explain to my dear boy why we DIDN'T do that to him, than why we did.

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages.

It kind of seems like if someone is asking this question, then they are genuinely interested in becoming more educated. As a person you are entitled to believe that a friends decision is wrong. I have a close friend who's son is circed. it bothers me quite a bit because she is so open minded about so much and is so supportive of our decision to leave ds intact, that I don't lecture/rant/discuss it with her. I will be sure to drop intact information in her inbox if her next pregnancy is a boy, however. If you don't want to really discuss it with a friend, politely tell them your own reasons. Most of the time it's not what you say, it's how you say it

My usual response is "I have no right. It's not my body and I have absolutely no right to have a perfectly normal piece of it surgically removed." If it's someone I don't like, who's probably just asking to see what nutty idea the hippie's going to have now, I usually say something along the lines of "In what world is it ok to strap a baby to a board and take a scalpel to his penis??" That usually shuts them up. I don't want to alienate people, though, so I only use that if it's someone I know has no real interest in it whatsoever.

Wait, who is asking you guys these questions?? Nobody has ever asked me about the state of my son's genitals.

It's come up several times at doctor's offices when I tell them not to retract. It's something I cover in my breastfeeding and childbirth classes, so people tend to ask if I had DS circ'd. I was also asked once at work because a coworker's grandson was having his circumcision revised because "They didn't cut enough off - he didn't even look circ'd!" because we all know what a tragedy THAT is. She knew I had a son and asked and I told her what I said before, that I had no right. Honestly, it was like one of those cartoons where the lightbulb lit up over her head. She looked at me wonderingly and said, "Wow, I never thought about it that way before."

I see where you are coming from, but, at the same time, we are all going to regret decisions we've made. If you give them good information about why you don't circ, maybe they'll make that deicision in the future.
I used to feel the same way, about not circing, about breastfeeding, natural birth etc. I felt like if everyone knew what I knew, they would choose natural in the future, and regret not having done so in the past.
On the flip side though, there are plently of decisions I have made that were huge mistakes. I don't get offended when people give me their reasons for not choosing the mistakes that I chose.

Answer their question with a question. If they ask you why you aren't circing/didn't circ, ask them why would/should you circ. Then, whatever answer they give you, you can give an honest answer and dispel any misconceptions they might have.