A reporter is interviewing a withered, frail man sitting on a park bench.

"Excuse me sir but you look like a very wise old man. Can you tell us your secrets for a long life?"

The man says, "I drink a quart of whiskey everyday, smoke 2 packs of cigarettes and a half dozen cigars, eat nothing but fast food and the only exercise I get is by making love to my wife 6 times a day."

The reporter exclaimed, "That's amazing! If you don't mind my asking, exactly how old are you?"

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis '*******.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought ..... then silence.

Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men … it's a trap. There's two of them."

One of them says: "okay guys, lets be honest here. If you fear your wife, please stand up, otherwise stay seated". All of them stood up one after another after looking at each other except for one guy. They all looked at him and praised him for his courage. The guy then says: "easy guys, my wife broke both my legs this morning!".