Some of the weird and wonderful e-mails I receive . . .

The Hotel Bill

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in one of London ‘s most expensive hotels.

When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. “It’s a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren’t worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast.”

The clerk told her that £250.00 is the ‘standard rate’, so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced, “The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use.”

“But I didn’t use them,” she said.

”Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from Liverpool, Glasgow and Dublin performing here,” the Manager said.

“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!” and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion with the Manager, unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. “But Madam, this cheque is for only £50.00.”

“That’s correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.