Saturday, 26 April 2014

Number 16

I opened my mental folder of
'People I know'. Inside were two mental spreadsheets: 'People I want to go for
a beer with' and 'People I have been for a beer with'. I opened them – the lists
seemed to be identical. What could I do? My first thought was that I'd have to
be extremely brave and approach someone I only knew by sight but had a nice
face and blurt out 'Doyouwanttocomeandhaveabeerwithme?' My second thought was
that if a fifty-year-old came at me in that way, I would go at them with a
garden fork. I re-read the challenge carefully, like a lawyer would. Cleverly
interpreting the small print, I worked out that it could be someone I knew, but
who I just hadn't gone for an individual beer with. You might say 'But that's
not the spirit of the challenge – you're supposed to be brave and leave your
comfort zone. That's actually cheating. Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!' My reply would
be: a) Why are you speaking in that whiney, high-pitched voice? – it's really
annoying, and b) You are not the boss of me.*

It didn't take me long to think
of the first possibility – someone I knew from a music night I used to run with
a friend a few years ago, but never see now. I had technically drunk beer in
the same room as him. I had even spoken to him while we were both drinking beer,
but that's not the same thing. It was a long shot anyway, as I needed to
do the challenge quickly, and he's away** a lot. I messaged him, he messaged
back, and within minutes it was all set up. I drove the half hour to where he
lives, checked the rules one last time before knocking on the door, and we were
off for a Guinness in a country pub.

So as it turned out, it was not
so much a challenge as just a really nice evening out. It was great to catch up
with Sefton. He's a sound man, in every sense of the word, and a very funny
one. He also happens to be the spitting image of Jesus. I didn't tell him this,
but in the pub, I was secretly pretending to be God, out for a Friday night Guinness
with his only begotten son.

What's a 'shelfie'?

*I want to reassure anyone with
OCD, who's probably feeling quite angry by this point, that I did close the
mental spreadsheets. I just didn't think it was worth mentioning.

The fifty things

This was one of my surprise presents for my fiftieth birthday given to me by my wife - fifty activities / challenges to do throughout the year, written on numbered pieces of paper in a wicker basket, each of which will make me do something I would probably not normally do. Monday mornings have something to look forward to at last.