That Catch-22

A Catch-22— a dilemma or difficult circumstance from which there is no escape because of mutually conflicting or dependent condition.

We have all been stuck in a catch-22, in more ways than one can count. But can you believe that most people are facing a type of catch-22 in your day to day relationships? Let me break it down for you; we literally have thousands of people at our finger tips, what does someone do with that kind of power? You have your celebrities endorsing whatchamacallits, you have politicians spewing what ever thought comes to their minds, you have your two timers stepping out(physically or emotionally) because they are able to find that “next best thing”, you have the person who wants constant contact via; facebook, twitter, snapchat, text…etc etc… I will admit I am one of those people that will say well how hard is it to send a text? you can do it while peeing. But lately I have really started to notice what technology and the access to such modes can do to a person and their relationships.

Communication; the more we get the more we want and the less we really communicate. Here is where that catch-22 comes into play, most everyone has a smart cell phone these days, which means most everyone is attainable within reason at any given time, correct? That becomes the expectation and the desired interactions. When such desires fall short you begin to wonder and mind race, thus taking away from the actual communication you get to have when you get it because you spent all that energy wondering and analyzing. If we dial back to say 2000, where only 36% of people had cell phones and 16% of those were business reasons, in comparison to our current trend in 2016 of 91% of people having cell phones. What were our expectations of attainable communication in 2000; we would call a land line and leave a voicemail and wait for them to get home and call us back. We would send a message on AIM, and wait to hear that door open to check if it was them, but at no time was it expected to reach someone at any given time, heck even back then we usually didn’t get calls after 6pm.

Our communication style as a whole has changed, we no longer listen to understand, we listen to reply. We have played into the instant gratification of the ability to talk to anyone(or multiple ones) at any time of any day. How does this affect our relationships? Why talk on the phone when you can send text messages, I am sorry but for me I would prefer a nice phone call at the end of a day to see how the day was over typical misinterpreted text messages. Some even find it annoying when they get called and the conversation could have been a text, I am this person sometimes but I have to think, ok back in the day we would just call people to say hi. Now getting a phone call from someone you have been only texting seems weird, almost “pocket dial” I have to admit to the few times of saying, “did you mean to call me or was that a pocket dial” because that was so out of the ordinary!

I recently found myself having a couple conversation that really stuck with me, one was me describing how crazy I get when I don’t get a text back. I hated having this conversation because in my head I am like seriously lighten up you have a busy life and you don’t need to stress about one silly lack of reply. BUT It is true, I get to be that obsessive, crazy girl; no one…NO one wants to be that girl ever, so why do we let ourselves get all wound up? Because we have an expectation that people will reply immediately if they are interested, if they aren’t interested or waiting for something better to entertain them, they will sit on your text message until they exhaust other options. This is where a relationship of compromise has to come in, when you have two polar opposites; ie a texter and never texter you have to find a common ground. The best middle ground is that you text and you get a reply within 12 hours, that is not hard…. there has to be a single moment in a 12 hour span that you could simply send one little text. I would LOVE for someone to explain this to me if they find this hard or something that is unattainable. A text is no longer just a mode of communication it is a implication of feelings, if you send someone a text it means you are thinking about them and you want them to know. So….Lack of text means lack of feelings…so they say….

The second conversation I had was with someone about how they had been thinking about something all day and when I saw them is when they asked me…. my first thought was why didn’t they text me? But honestly after having the interaction I absolutely appreciated the fact they didn’t because those would have been missed memories. So this is my own personal catch-22 how do you not miss memories but still get that communication gratification while apart…because if you text everything then you miss out on the face to face conversation, but if you don’t text you feel neglected or rejected.

I honestly can say I am addicted to my phone, so while I have extreme anxiety about someone not replying when I want them to, I truly value their detachment from it.