Kathryn Funkhouser

First of all, let me welcome you to the ABC family. All of us here at the network are so excited to have you at the helm for our new series, S.H.I.E.L.D. The way you revitalized the Marvel franchise with The Avengers is widely admired, so who better to bring the expanded Marvel universe to the small screen? I understand you have run some other, “cult” television series in the past, and while I can’t say I’m too familiar with them, I’m sure with this new show you’ll finally be able to do something that people can get passionate about.

To get down to business, I have a few little tweaks for you about the rough cut of the pilot. There are just a few things that were a little confusing.

The internet is a marvelous place. How perfectly astounding it is to learn the secrets of the deepest jungles and most obscure Kardashians, all at the touch of a button! However, the “Condescending Wonka” meme has got me all wrong, and I’d like to set the record straight.

My protege, Charlie Bucket, insists that there is no such thing as bad publicity, and the Oompa-Loompas have warned me: “What do you get when you go to the press? / Reporters who question your business success.” But I simply cannot bear the idea that I would condescend to children, when in fact, I hold them to quite rigorous standards.