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Is that what love is actually about.

Bernhard Schlink uses his novel, The Reader, to express his feelings on the unexpected love between the characters, Hanna and Michael convey both the positive and negative effects of their love.

Opponents of the union view have seized on claims like this asexcessive: union theorists, they claim, take too literally theontological commitments of this notion of a “we.” Thisleads to two specific criticisms of the union view. The first is thatunion views do away with individual autonomy. Autonomy, it seems,involves a kind of independence on the part of the autonomous agent,such that she is in control over not only what she does but also whoshe is, as this is constituted by her interests, values, concerns,etc. However, union views, by doing away with a clear distinctionbetween your interests and mine, thereby undermine this sort ofindependence and so undermine the autonomy of the lovers. If autonomyis a part of the individual’s good, then, on the union view,love is to this extent bad; so much the worse for the union view(Singer 1994; Soble 1997). Moreover, Singer (1994) argues that anecessary part of having your beloved be the object of your love isrespect for your beloved as the particular person she is, and thisrequires respecting her autonomy.

True love is what kids hear about throughout their whole life.

Maintaining the distinctions among eros, agape, andphilia becomes even more difficult when faced withcontemporary theories of love (including romantic love) andfriendship. For, as discussed below, some theories of romantic loveunderstand it along the lines of the agape tradition ascreating value in the beloved (cf. ), and other accounts of romantic love treat sexual activity as merelythe expression of what otherwise looks very much like friendship.

Real, ‘unconditional’ love is a thing that is hard to develop, as contemporary culture doesn’t teach us how to do it. Moreover, it creates the conditions in which this kind of love is very hard to develop and express. Nevertheless, my choice was working hard to learn how to love without judging a person, not wanting anything in exchange. It is a thorny way, and I haven’t gone far on it, but I keep going. Now it is your choice – be satisfied by a notion of love contemporary culture has to offer, or develop your own definition.

Love is the constant source of happiness and sorrow.

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In providing an account of love, philosophical analyses must becareful to distinguish love from other positive attitudes we taketowards persons, such as liking. Intuitively, love differs from suchattitudes as liking in terms of its “depth,” and theproblem is to elucidate the kind of “depth” we intuitivelyfind love to have. Some analyses do this in part by providing thinconceptions of what liking amounts to. Thus, Singer (1991) and Brown(1987) understand liking to be a matter of desiring, an attitude thatat best involves its object having only instrumental (and notintrinsic) value. Yet this seems inadequate: surely there areattitudes towards persons intermediate between having a desire with aperson as its object and loving the person. I can care about a personfor her own sake and not merely instrumentally, and yet such caringdoes not on its own amount to (non-deficiently) loving her, for itseems I can care about my dog in exactly the same way, a kind ofcaring which is insufficiently personal for love.

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By focusing on such emotionally complex histories, emotion complexviews differ from most alternative accounts of love. For alternativeaccounts tend to view love as a kind of attitude we take toward ourbeloveds, something we can analyze simply in terms of our mental stateat the moment.[] By ignoring this historical dimension of love in providing an accountof what love is, alternative accounts have a hard time providingeither satisfying accounts of the sense in which our identities asperson are at stake in loving another or satisfactory solutions toproblems concerning how love is to be justified (cf. , especially the discussion of ).

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Nonetheless, some questions remain. If love is to be understood as anemotion complex, we need a much more explicit account of the patternat issue here: what ties all of these emotional responses togetherinto a single thing, namely love? Baier and Badhwar seem content toprovide interesting and insightful examples of this pattern, but thatdoes not seem to be enough. For example, what connects my amusement atmy beloved’s embarrassment to other emotions like my joy on hisbehalf when he succeeds? Why shouldn’t my amusement at hisembarrassment be understood instead as a somewhat cruel case ofschadenfreude and so as antithetical to, and disconnectedfrom, love? Moreover, as Naar (2013) notes, we need a principledaccount of when such historical patterns are disrupted in such a wayas to end the love and when they are not. Do I stop loving when, inthe midst of clinical depression, I lose my normal pattern ofemotional concern?

Essays in Love - Alain de Botton

The emotion complex view, which understands love to be a complexemotional attitude towards another person, may initially seem to holdout great promise to overcome the problems of alternative types ofviews. By articulating the emotional interconnections between persons,it could offer a satisfying account of the “depth” of lovewithout the excesses of the union view and without the overly narrowteleological focus of the robust concern view; and because theseemotional interconnections are themselves evaluations, it could offeran understanding of love as simultaneously evaluative, without needingto specify a single formal object of love. However, the devil is inthe details.

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The trouble with these accounts of love as an emotion proper is thatthey provide too thin a conception of love. In Hamlyn’s case,love is conceived as a fairly generic pro-attitude, rather than as thespecific kind of distinctively personal attitude discussedhere. In Brown’s case, spelling out the formal object of love assimply being worthwhile (as a person) fails to distinguish love fromother evaluative responses like admiration and respect. Part of theproblem seems to be the rather simple account of what an emotion isthat Brown and Hamlyn use as their starting point: if love is anemotion, then the understanding of what an emotion is must be enrichedconsiderably to accommodate love. Yet it is not at all clear whetherthe idea of an “emotion proper” can be adequately enrichedso as to do so.