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What a time to be alive

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS EVER had victory literally slip through their fingers thanks to a greasy gamepad, Microsoft has just the thing for you. No, it's not napkins, soap or a mirror in which to take a long, hard look at yourself: it's an Xbox One gamepad that's impervious to grease.

What a time to be alive.

Just think of all the extra practice you'll be able to get in when you don't have to separate sustenance from gaming! No need to fashion some kind of equine nosebag from a KFC family bucket: just use your hands and be free. It's a Microsoft miracle!

Microsoft achieved this incredible feat of engineering by coating the grey and yellow pads in a urethane material which pushes away grease. The company demonstrates its effectiveness in the video below with the help of some fried chicken and a lot of oil. If it offers a true reflection of the pad's prowess, even the slipperiest customer should feel comfortable carrying on gaming, if not with the life choices that led them to this point.

Sadly - or happily if you see such concessions to slobbishness as a canary in the coal mine for humanity's long-term chances of survival - you can't buy one.

Microsoft has engineered the pad as a very limited edition competition prize for Australian Xboxers. It's tangentially related to the release of battle royale title PUBG on the platform, which seems appropriate given the feeding frenzy that's currently underway on Facebook as fans try to get their (presumably) greasy mitts on one.

Indeed, the video shows just 200 will be made, and five of those have been earmarked for the Australian competition. It's possible that Microsoft will see that its tapped into an oily goldmine and expand production for general sale, but for now, you're best off using soap like a pauper. µ