Okay, so one costs £1,300 and the other costs £320, but to hell with it. They're both laptops, they're both ultraportable, they both have keyboards and screens, and they're both so gorgeous they cause random strangers to accost you in the street, demanding to know where you got them from. And you can make fart gags about their names -- that's all the reason we need.

So which is best? The great silver hope from Apple, or the dirt-cheap Eee rip-off? Over the next few pages, we'll take a look at their design, usability, specification, and any special powers that'll help us decide which one blows the most.