Work Coach: Co-workers walking on eggshells? Maybe it’s you

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Sunday February 9, 2014 11:43 AM

Q: Several years ago, I asked our human-resources manager to mediate a disagreement with a
co-worker. We hashed out our differences, and the issue was resolved. I assumed that this
conversation would be kept confidential, but now I’m not so sure.

I have begun to notice that my colleagues frequently preface comments to me by saying, “You’re
not going to like this” or “This might make you mad.” Sometimes, they just tell me to breathe.
Although I have asked them not to begin our interactions with such negative remarks, they continue
to do so.

After thinking about this, I concluded that either the HR manager or my co-worker must have
shared information about our previous conflict. That would explain why I apparently have a
reputation for being difficult. What should I do about this?

A: I don’t think you will like my answer, but I do hope you will consider it. Based on your
description, I believe you are jumping to some unwarranted conclusions about the cause of this
problem. If you are open to a different interpretation, however, you might take some steps that
would benefit your career.

You’re assuming that your colleagues are wary because they heard about the earlier disagreement,
but you seem to be ignoring the fact that this incident occurred “several years ago.” After so much
time, that single event would not influence current perceptions without more recent evidence.

A more likely explanation is that people are responding to the way you receive unwelcome
information. Having observed that negative news tends to irritate or upset you, they attempt to
lessen this reaction by providing a warning. But because you don’t see yourself this way, that
reason would not occur to you.

Marie G. McIntyre is a workplace coach and the author of Secrets to Winning at Office Politics.
Send in questions and get free coaching tips at
www.yourofficecoach.com.