Greene emerging from spiral of doubt

Social anxiety disorder troubled former Padre

St. Louis Cardinals Khalil Greene, right, is out at second attempting to steal as Florida Marlins Dan Uggla takes the throw during the second inning of a spring training game in Jupiter, Fla. Monday, March 30, 2009. (AP Photo/Richard Drew)
— AP

St. Louis Cardinals Khalil Greene, right, is out at second attempting to steal as Florida Marlins Dan Uggla takes the throw during the second inning of a spring training game in Jupiter, Fla. Monday, March 30, 2009. (AP Photo/Richard Drew)
/ AP

It was
in
the batting cage that Khalil Greene looked and acted like someone who'd found his natural habitat, the perfect environment to do something he was born to do. There was just him and the hitting guru, Merv Rettenmund, and maybe a Padres teammate or two.

No crowd. No boos. No cheers. Barely any sound at all besides the ball cracking off Greene's bat and, between swings, the soft-spoken but interesting words reverberating from the walls.

“Man, we had the most striking conversations in there, conversations about anything and everything,” says Rettenmund, the former Padres hitting coach who's now an independent instructor. “And the way he swung the bat in the cage, he put on a show. He was so amazing, so dialed into hitting.”

So what happened?

“Come game time, you could just see something click in Khalil, like he had 0-for-4 written all over him before he ever took the field,” says Rettenmund. “Listen, we're talking about a great young man who's as talented as anybody I've ever worked with, a guy who prepared himself well every day. He deserved to succeed.

“After all that hard work, after getting things right, he couldn't get those things to work for him in the batter's box. It's like his muscles suddenly didn't work anymore. It made you want to cry.”

The news coming out of St. Louis these days makes Rettenmund — and some of Greene's former teammates in San Diego — want to cry and cry and cry some more. But with pride and happiness.

Greene, who was traded over the winter to the Cardinals, missed 19 games while on the disabled list with social anxiety disorder. He returned from a minor league rehab assignment over the weekend to hit a home run in three straight starts while driving in five runs.

Moreover, the former Padres shortstop was playing third base seamlessly and flawlessly. There may have been a bit of “back-to-the-womb” psychology involved, since Greene started as a third baseman at Clemson, where he won the Golden Spikes Award as the NCAA's top player.

“As a senior in college I came to the park every day comfortable and confident,” Greene told the
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
upon his return from the rehab assignment. “That's what I've always had as my ideal. I'm not saying I'm going to hit 40 home runs and tear the world up. But if I can stay on the field, continue to play and stay in control of myself physically and emotionally, I feel I can be a dangerous hitter and be a big part of our team being successful.”

Greene left Sunday's game after taking a pitch off his knee. Thus was inflicted the kind of pain that can be treated with rest and ice — unlike the debilitating problem that's evidently kept Greene from producing career numbers to match his talent.

“Some of us dig holes for ourselves after bad at-bats, bad pitches or bad games,” says one former teammate. “Khalil'd dig his 10 times deeper.”

Just two years ago, Greene set a Padres record for shortstops with 27 homers while driving in 97 runs, earning a two-year, $11 million contract extension. His offensive stats immediately took a considerable dip.

Like a volcano, the stoic Greene's exasperation erupted on July 30 last year; he punctuated a strikeout by punching an equipment box at Petco Park and damaging his hand. That was Greene's last at-bat with the Padres, who dealt him to St. Louis on Dec. 4 for pitcher Mark Worrell and what turned out to be reliever Luke Gregerson.

If the Cardinals thought a change of scenery would do Greene good, it seemed things had just gotten worse for him at the outset of the 2009 season. At the time he was put on the disabled list, Greene was batting .197 with three home runs.

Perhaps more telling was the fact that Greene rarely had let his offensive doldrums affect his sharp play at short, but now he was scuffling with his glovework, too, committing seven errors for a .946 fielding percentage over his first 23 starts. He also did not deny that he'd been punishing himself in other, albeit unspecified, ways.

“With us, I don't think it was as severe as what he was going through in St. Louis,” says Padres General Manager Kevin Towers. “Obviously, he internalized a lot, but we never really saw that (self-harming) side other than when he banged the equipment box.”

Although clubs are bound by confidentially when it comes to the player assistance program, it's believed the Padres got Greene to seek outside help with the difficulty he was having, but with no turnaround.

Greene has always been a fascinating study, seemingly shy and introspective, yet a great conversationalist who'd handle even some of the trickiest of subjects at great length and detail. In interviews or general discussion, he might look detached, but his words were most engaging.

“There are times he'd talk my ear off, going on and on and on about something about issues not related to baseball,” says Padres third baseman Kevin Kouzmanoff, who had a locker close to Greene at Petco Park. “And it was interesting, because he has a different perspective on everything. He's a very sharp guy, very smart and bright, very thoughtful and kind to other people.

“I don't know the extent of what he was going through. There were no red flags here, nothing where you felt he needed to get some help. He's just a good guy with different feelings about different things.”

If anything's readily apparent about Greene, it's that he's not at ease with the extra adulation and attention that comes to major league players, performing daily in front of tens of thousands of people at a time. Fans saw his unchanging, unsmiling facial expression — as emotion-free during his home run trot as after an error — and mistook it for a lack of caring on his part.

To the contrary.

“It became extremely frustrating for him,” says Padres manager Bud Black of Greene's travails in 2008. “Coming off '07, he and Adrian (Gonzalez) were our two best players. Khalil had played extremely well and everyone thought it would continue, and when it didn't, I could see how it bothered him, just ate him up.

“I feel for him because I know how much he does care about the team. He cares about his personal performance. It's hard for me that . . . I don't like that he's been going through this.”

Greene's return to the Cardinals late last week was as encouraging to those in the Padres clubhouse as the Busch Stadium crowd was in giving Greene a warm ovation as he stepped to the plate to pinch-hit Thursday night. That he struck out flailing at a breaking ball caused some to suspect that nothing had changed, but Greene showed great resolve the next three games, hitting his last two homers after 0-2 counts.

“Obviously, we're all interested in seeing how Khalil bounces back, and we're pulling for him,” says Padres pitcher Jake Peavy. “You make friends in this game, and when they leave for another team, you wish the best for them on and off the field.

“Obviously, he's run into a tough fight, but we all deal with different things as individuals. What's important is how you respond. We all know how talented Khalil is. What's scary is, if he puts it together, he still can be the best all-around shortstop in the game.”