Wednesday, October 22, 2008

don't even worry, you are never alone in this.

my biggest insecurity is that i feel like no one wants me. and i never feel like i'm good enough for anyone. i could get more into it but i don't feel like moping about it right now.

today, sarah assumed i was failing french. FRENCH. my best subject, by far. and sure she shrugged it off like she was joking, as usual with her, but i know her all too well and i assure you that she was not joking with me. i'm just so sick of coming home and getting nagged by my parents about school, and i really don't need it while i'm there, too!

i can't wait to switch to the hs@mc. i need to get out of this stupid town more often, and that will definitely help.

basically, my parents thinking so lowly of me makes me wanna continue doing poorly because i want them to believe in me and let me do things on my own. if they didn't nag me all the time, i think it might actually set in that i need to get my shit together or else....but with them nagging me so much, i feel like nobody believes in me anymore and so i don't feel good enough.

and i don't feel like anyone wants me because i'm so used to being the annoying girl who gets attached easily. i'm annoying because i act like a little kid. i act like a little kid because my parents treat me like one. so you can see, all my problems come back to my parents.

P.S. i hate when parents say "i didn't raise you that way." YOU DON'T TURN OUT HOW YOU PARENTS RAISE YOU TO BE. i mean sure that might have some influence on who you become later in life, but not nearly as much as school, your friends, the media, and sometimes drugs/alcohol influence who you come to be. i still don't know who i am or where i belong yet, but i'm finding my way. what more could i ask for? besides someone i can love. but even so, love and self-discovery are two things i'm willing to wait for.

About Me

I believe that life is about lessons, and I still have a lot of them left to learn.
We are all treasure chests of talents, insights, and remarkable gifts. It just takes time for some us to discover what we are capable of.