Introducing “El Toreador Drunkle”

January 10, 2011

My sixth and final attempt at creating an animated gif. Note the flashing red eyes, horns and mouth.

So if you don’t know by now or are recently new to my blog let me just reiterate that I’m an uncle. I also drink a lot. Part of the responsibilities of being an uncle include sometimes having to play with my nephews and nieces. I am okay with this. I am not okay with playing games with my nephews and nieces that may get me killed or severely maimed.

(Imagine someone with a really dramatic voice reading these following statements to introduce a new reality game show. I’m thinking some kind of cross between a circus announcer and the guy that does movie trailer introductions. James Earl Jones was also an acceptable answer.)

“Introducing the most insidious game, that devourer of drunken uncles, that game that makes the women wet and the men bet, here’s ……….. Try and Mow Down Your Drunk Uncle with a Tractor !!! )

For some reason, my niece really enjoys playing this game. Suffice to say when her mother asks her what her favorite part of the day was, my 3 year old niece can unabashedly shout “trying to mow down Uncle with a tractor.”

Being the good uncle that I am, I try and make a good showing. I take off my shirt and waive it randomly around, striving to earn the attention and ire of the relentless evil lawn tractor. Due to her inept driving skills, I can usually outrun my niece and her petrol-fueled tractor of death.

Sometimes however, that cunning niece of mine almost gets me. You know what I mean. That time that the tractor came WAY TOO CLOSE for comfort? That infamous Saturday when I decided to wear sandals instead of tennis shoes? The time I barely escaped with my legs? THAT TIME??? Interestingly enough, these are also frequently the same moments that I often find myself questioning the general wisdom of being relentlessly chased by a large lawn tractor driven by my 3 year old niece when I’m drunk.

In all fairness I feel I should disclose that I am reasonably sure my niece is 3 years old. She may also be 4. Additionally, my niece does not drive the tractor completely by herself. Her father actually works the gas and brake pedals for her. I am not sure if this makes the game better or worse.