Have you been sexually abused as a child or raped as a grownup?

Do you feel shame, guilt, or hatred…?
Is abuse or rape a big burdening secret for you?
Do you have sexual complaints from the abuse you have suffered, such as lack of desire, aversion to sex, or sex addiction?
Do you hate and despise your own body?
Do you feel worthless and lonely?
Do you have unexplained anxiety and panic attacks?
Do you feel helpless and overwhelmed?
You are not alone …
And it doesn’t have to haunt you all your life …
There is help …

I was also sexually abused and raped … several times …

When I was about 12, I was abused. The man had drunk alcohol and had taken what he wanted from me. The result: I was pregnant. A couple of weeks later, I lost my baby. Until then, I never had such pain, and at that time, I didn’t even realize that I was pregnant and that I just lost my baby. I only bled endlessly, cried, had excruciating contractions, and writhed in pain. To survive, I suppressed this devastating experience and hid it deep in my subconscious.
I was raped when I was 19. I had also suppressed that.
As a consequence of the abuse experience and other harrowing experiences in my childhood, I was so full of pain and despair that I ate until I burst, watched TV for hours, and grabbed every possible distraction. Until my distraction and suppressing mechanisms did not work anymore, and at the age of 21, I only thought of suicide. Every minute of the day. It was too much. I was alone. No one could help me. I took a lot of antidepressants, but they didn’t help either. So I voluntarily had myself admitted to the psychiatric clinic in Wiesloch. But that didn’t help me either. I was so desperate cause I did find help or relief anywhere. That’s why I left again and looked for alternative methods. I finally found what I was looking for and over time, the emotional wounds that had been open for years began to heal.
Do I tell you all of this, so that you pity yourself or myself?! No! I share this to show how, even as an abused person, you can find solutions for a more peaceful life. I share with you what happened to me and what solutions I have found to give hope to men and women who have experienced similar things and that it is possible to release the traumatic effects of sexual abuse and rape from our system lovingly and gently. That one can find joy again, happiness with your body and sexuality, and live again.
It is possible to find peace with what has happened so that it has been AND may be over.

What is sexual abuse?

In itself, there is no need to explain what sexual abuse is. Nevertheless, I would like to clearly define here what sexual abuse, rape, and sexual assault are because abused people often are afraid to admit what has happened and even more to name it as abuse. The reason for this is that they have been blamed, threatened, or the abuse even claimed that it never happened and that the sexual abuse and rape victim is a lier. Thus the victim they become very insecure and confused and do not want to call it by its name or face this painful experience so that the wounds could heal.
Here is the definition: “Sexual abuse, also referred to as molestation, is abusive sexual behavior by one person upon another. It is often perpetrated using force or by taking advantage of another. When force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called sexual assault. The offender is referred to as a sexual abuser or (often pejoratively) molester. The term also covers any behavior by an adult or older adolescent towards a child to stimulate any of the involved sexually. The use of a child, or other individuals younger than the age of consent, for sexual stimulation is referred to as child sexual abuse or statutory rape.”. (Wikipedia)and
“Rape is a type of sexual assault, usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without that person’s consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority, or against a person who is incapable of giving valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, has an intellectual disability or is below the legal age of consent. The term rape is sometimes used interchangeably with the term sexual assault.“(Wikipedia)
and
“Sexual assault is an act in which a person intentionally sexually touches another person without that person’s consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will. It is a form of sexual violence which includes rape (forced vaginal, anal or oral penetration or drug-facilitated sexual assault), groping, child sexual abuse or the torture of the person in a sexual manner.”(Wikipedia)

What happens if you made experiences of sexual abuse and rape?

When we have a traumatic experience, be it sexual abuse, rape, violence, war, accident, assault, etc., the following survival mechanism occurs in our system:

The brain splits off the traumatic event so that the rest of the brain can continue to function normally. The traumatic experience is then, so to speak, in a room of your brain whose door is locked. It is split off so that we can survive and not go crazy. The splitting off and thus suppressing the traumatic experience can sometimes go so far that we completely forget that it ever happened.

Even if it is split off and “locked off,” if the traumatic event is not resolved, it still burdens us and lingers in our subconscious. We feel emotionally unbalanced, depressed, split off from ourselves, have physical complaints, as a result, behave “strangely,” have panic attacks and anxiety, feelings of guilt and shame, and many other unpleasant side effects.

The symptoms caused by a traumatic experience – in our case, sexual abuse – are summarized under the term “post-traumatic stress disorder” = PTSD. These symptoms put an enormous strain on our lives in many areas.

It is essential to understand that nothing is wrong with you and that you are not ill or crazy. You simply suffer from PTSD – from the consequences of traumatic sexual abuse and rape.

What are the consequences of sexual abuse and rape?

rejection and hatred of one’s own body

panic attacks

depressions

feelings of guilt, shame, and hatred

aggression against oneself and others

the feeling of not being yourself

rejection of and fear of sexuality

sex addiction and promiscuous behavior

fear of relating

often get into a sense of dependence on others

separation from oneself and one’s body

physical complaints, especially of the reproductive organs

alcohol, food, drugs, shopping, television, addiction, etc.

self-destructive behavior, self-injury

forgetfulness, memory gaps

compulsions such as washing

quickly get into a dependent relationship

increased nervousness

difficulties concentrating

outbursts of fury

sleeping difficulties

always on the lookout for something bad to happen

hopelessness about the future

nightmares

difficulties in trust

prostitution

the feeling of going crazy

death wish

uncontrollable tear bursts

apathy

unconscious repetition of sexual abuse

slutty behavior in the partnership

complete overwhelm by everyday life

The feeling of complete loneliness

deep helplessness

looking for distractions

distrust towards life & fellow human beings

permanent physical & emotional tension

be constantly worried

That sounds like a lot of symptoms that we often label problems in our lives, doesn’t it?! Do any of them seem familiar to you? Do you feel overwhelmed?
Then there is also good news!

The 1. good news: All these are “only” consequences of sexual abuse and rape, and if you heal the source of these symptoms, the symptoms themselves will gradually disappear.

The 2. good news: There is NOTHING wrong with you, and you are NOT crazy. These symptoms only come to the surface to show you that something in your past is unclear and needs loving attention.

The 3. good news: All this is curable over time. You don’t have to suffer the consequences and symptoms of sexual abuse for the rest of your life!

How could I help you?

On this site, you have already heard about the history of my abuse. Now I want to tell you more about how and why I could help you to release the trauma of your sexual abuse and rape:

Since psychiatry and conventional psychotherapy didn’t help me, I started looking for support in the area of alternative methods. And every time one of these alternative methods lastingly improved my mental and emotional state, I studied them myself so that I can now assist other people lovingly and gently in releasing the trauma of their sexual abuse and rape. Since 2008 I have been working with these methods, which still support me in my personal life and as a trauma therapist. I help women and men who suffer from the consequences of sexual abuse and rape to regain their strength and to rediscover the beauty in life and their unique badassery!

A deep and at the same time healing realization for me was that hatred and anger bind us deep in the soul to the perpetrator and thus prevent healing. Unfortunately, many therapeutic methods encourage people to this kind of hate and anger towards the perpetrator. But as long as we cultivate hatred and anger through such methods, we remain trapped in the cage of sexual abuse and rape. However, if we can step back into the healing power of love, release our trauma in our body, our nervous system and our soul, we become free to live our lives and even strengthened by the events of our past. We can rise like a phoenix from the ashes or our pain and desperation!

When I gently help a person deal with sexual abuse and rape, I neither condemn nor exclude the perpetrator. On the contrary, I give the client AND the perpetrator a place in my heart. Only then does a client feel safe with me, has no defense mechanisms and can detach himself or herself from the perpetrator in peace. In this way, it is possible to integrate the abuse into his or her life so that it can no longer negatively influence his/her everyday life, his/her job, and his/her relationships.
I help the client to face the past traumatic pain in a gentle way where he alone is afraid to face it. We face the pain and release the pain together because, underneath it, we find the source of our strength.

Get my free e-book “Manual for gentle release of trauma as well as mental, emotional and physical blocks”!

In this free e-book, I show you how trauma is created in our body, what effects it has on our lives that we are not even aware of AND I show you the technique that I use when supporting people to release different types of trauma including sexual abuse and rape.

My solutions & support in the liberation of sexual abuse and rape :

In dealing with my sexual abuse and rape, I have been able to cope with some things on my own, AND in certain very challenging situations, I have used loving and competent help in various forms. If you find someone in such an extreme situation who you can trust and with whom you feel comfortable, it helps you to face the old, repressed burden of the past and to emerge stronger from it. In this way, the past is no longer a burden, but a source of strength. Do you want me to gently and lovingly accompany you in your process of transforming your abuse into your power? I offer you the following possibilities.

1. Tapping

One of the best and most gentle methods in my experience is tapping, also known as EFT. This attentive method allows us to slowly and lovingly approach and resolve the sexual abuse and rape that may have occurred decades ago, WITHOUT fully reactivating the trauma and re-traumatizing you. We slowly encircle the sexual abuse incident and your associated feelings. In the beginning, we usually tap very generally to reduce the current tension. Because if we were to dive immediately into specific events, you would only lose yourself again in the pain, despair, powerlessness, anger, and madness of unprocessed abuse. The healing process should be as loving and gentle as possible.
As time goes by, we go deeper and deeper into tapping and more specifically into tapping sexual abuse, because to succeed in finding peace with sexual abuse, it is not enough to tap on the surface alone. The tapping session aims to lovingly dissolve specific traumatic memories that are stored in our subconscious and our body. Only when these specific traumatic memories have been deeply recognized and resolved will it no longer burden you with symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).
We always treat your trauma respectfully and in your individual process, go only as far as you can process it at the time. There is no compulsion and no pressure to get rid of the abuse and its consequences as quickly as possible because this is not how it works. If you try to get rid of it, repress it and forget it, it will cost you your joie de vivre and lead to more emotional and physical strain.
But if we do this, lovingly and respectfully, the trauma of sexual abuse and rape can dissolve and return home so that you are free for your own life. You no longer need to see life, encounters with people, etc. through the lens of unredeemed sexual abuse and rape.

2. Systemic Family Constellations

Systemic family constellation helps us to heal abuse in the larger context in the family system. Even if we are individuals, we are at the same time deeply connected with our family system. Whether we want it or not, whether we respect it or not, the family system has an immense impact on our lives.
In a systemic constellation or systemic coaching, we shed light on the entanglements and causes that have often led to abuse. In this way, we have the opportunity to restore order so that love can flow and healing can take place. The abused person can take his/her place in the family system again, where he/she is connected with his/her innocence and where love can flow unhindered again.
The systemic family constellation also helps us in the larger context to take the perpetrator into our heart, because only then can we really be free. As long as we quarrel with the perpetrator, hate and condemn him – which is natural at first – we are bound to him and not free for our own life. And all too often it is not the abused who hate and condemn the perpetrator, but other people in the system whose feelings we take over. Systemic family constellations also help us to solve these entanglements.

3. Human Design System

If you like, we can dive even more profound and look at your unique Human Design. The Human Design Rave Chart is like a graphic imprint of your genetics, showing us how you tick in your uniqueness and behave in life. It gives you a deeper understanding of yourself, your body, and your essential strategy and authority.
This, in turn, helps you to learn to trust your body more deeply, which abused people often reject, hate, and loathe. Your body is beautiful, unique, and wise, and the more you live in it and out of it, the more you relax into your natural and innate being.

Do you have questions…? Here you will find answers…!

How many sessions does it take to transform sexual abuse?

It is difficult to predict the number of sessions you will need. Every person is different. Every abuse is different. Depending on the client, the complexity and frequency of sexual abuse and rape and the client’s needs, it takes different lengths of time. Sometimes, a client may feel tremendous relief and release after just one session. Often several sessions are required, especially if the sexual abuse occurred more often. Frequently, other painful experiences have been added that have caused further trauma because abuse can also be caused by verbal or physical violence. To deal with the abuse GENTLY and to dissolve the source of the pain, I proceed carefully and lovingly, so that you are not traumatized again by us going too fast.
Whether it is one, five or ten sessions, what counts in the end is that you find joy again in life, in yourself, in your body and your relationships. It is vital that you take the time and allow yourself to let it heal in the time that your body and soul need. My sessions are not aspirin tablets to cover or numb your pain. Together we gently and slowly dive into your painful experience and dissolve it bit by bit.

How does the session work?

We meet at an agreed date in my Zoom Meeting Room, where we can see each other via webcam. I often start tapping because this method helps us to approach your sexual abuse slowly. We proceed as slowly and gently as possible in order not to overwhelm you but to remove the individual aspects of the abuse layer by layer.

Do I really need a webcam for the session with you?

Yes, the purpose of your webcam is that I record both of us in the session so that you can see your progress in the course of our joint process. At the same time, you can use the method used, be it tapping or any other approach, to deepen your knowledge or to deal with another topic.

If we need several sessions, at what distance do they take place?

It’s entirely up to you and your process. Usually, I let pass about a week between the sessions until we meet again. This way, you have time to process what you’ve treated/addressed and seen what’s new or where we can go more in-depth at the next session.
At the same time, we are flexible. If something urgent comes up, we can see each other earlier. If you need more time to digest, we can meet again after 2 or 3 weeks. The focus is on you and your well-being. The interval should be designed so that you are not overwhelmed by too much emotional work, but at the same time, do not lose contact with yourself and your process too long breaks!

You record the sessions. Will they be shown to others?

No. This recording is only for you. It helps you to recognize the progress you have made during one or more sessions. You can also watch the recording over and over again as needed and use the tapping sequences, for example, to deal with another aspect of your abuse.

What is the content of a session, and what are the technical requirements?

Content of the session “Gentle help with sexual abuse”::

before the session, you will fill out a questionnaire so that I get to know you better and what your issues are
Approx. 90 minutes of Zoom video session
Video recording of the session, so that you can watch the tapping sequences again and tap on other topics
depending on the client and topic, further information on tapping
Recording of your session also as an audio file

Technical requirements for a meeting with me:

Zoom: before we meet I will send you your individual Zoom Link, so you can easily download the small Zoom Software
Webcam: I need to see you when I work with you, as I pay a lot of attention to your body language, which tells me if you are in resonance with what I say before you tell me.
Preferably a headset: that minimizes annoying background noise
Fast Internet: DSL, fast enough to allow video telephony

Do you want to come back into your power and live from the source of your strength and badassery?

Are you ready to let go of the sacrificial trap?
Are you ready to take responsibility for your well-being and your healing?
Are you ready to take the necessary time?
As a man, would you like to uncover your natural masculinity and power and face the adventure of your life?
Do you as a woman want to regain your femininity, gentleness, wildness, and strength?
Would you like to immerse yourself in your sexuality full of desire and passion again or for the first time?
Do you want to allow yourself to flow again and surrender to the flow of life?
Do you want me to accompany you a bit on your way?
I am happy if I may accompany you!
Aloha!
Angelina Fabian