Saturday, October 29, 2011

Some of the news that Lady M made last week really didn’t get the kind of coverage it deserved, so I’ll try to rectify that today. For instance, this comment that she first made at Tuesday’s pre-Chicago stop-over in Detroit:

“And let us not forget what it meant when my husband appointed two brilliant Supreme Court justices — and for the first time in history, our daughters and sons watched three women take their seats on our nation’s highest court,” Mrs. Obama said on Tuesday at the Westin Book Cadillac Hotel in Detroit, Michigan. “But, more importantly, let us not forget the impact of their decisions, the impact that will have on our lives for decades to come — on our privacy and security, on whether we can speak freely, worship openly, and love whomever we choose. That is what is at stake here.”

Halloween Party at the Supreme Court. Why am I thinking Macbeth?

Awesome - “and love whomever we choose”! Imagine what this country might have been like had someone had the foresight to appoint two such brilliant (and empathetic) Supremes a generation ago:

Then in Fort Lauderdale, after a grueling 2 days on the campaign trail of promoting the military (jobs in community centers?) and Fat Kids’ Behinds (mushrooms in the mist?), Lady M was exhausted and kicked off her shoes, (metaphorically speaking) let her hair down (euphemistically speaking) and went off-prompter (syntactically speaking):

"I am just thrilled –- this has been a great day," the first lady told supporters in Ft. Lauderdale. "This is my third city in one day. And I go home tonight and Barack and I get up and go to parent-teacher conference tomorrow morning." "Just so you know," she said. "Just handling our business."

"She is amazing," the first lady said of Wasserman Schultz. "And she has a brilliant family, too, they’re in the back. She almost didn’t come out because we were swapping stories about daughters in high heels." "I love you to death, Debbie," Michelle Obama said. "Thank you, firing it up."

So there you have it: just keepin’ it real! I love you to death! Fire up! Are you with me?

Buggy-eyed curly-top Debbie. Lady M’s taste is somewhat eclectic.

I sure hope Lady M gets a chance to rest this weekend, because she’s just exhausted and it may be starting to show.

Oh, and I nearly forgot! Big Guy had dinner with the “Win Dinner with the Won” contest that we ran for the second fundraising quarter:

Not much to eat or drink, butt a lot of scintillating conversation

You won’t believe this, butt the 4 lucky winners just happened to come from 4 states critical to our re-election bid (Arizona, Colorado, Indiana and Minnesota). The demographics were just about perfect for our purposes too: 2 women, (1 Hispanic) and 2 white guys. I guess we’re taking the Black vote for granted; I’m sure we’ll hear about that next week. Anyway, we had two oldsters (retired teachers), 1 mid-ster (small business owner) and 1 youngster (postal worker). So that was fun!

Unfortunately, Joey B couldn’t make it, Big Guy sent him to some sort of funeral in Saudi Arabia. No word on the food, butt Lady M recommended the restaurant – Liberty Tavern – so I’m sure the quality was excellent and the servings ample. Big Guy did pick up the tab, as promised, and he even tweeted this blurry picture out to all the losers after the hour long dinner:

Anyway, I’ve got to run. I’ve got a thousand things to do before tonight’s big Halloween party. In addition to everything else, this year I’m in charge of packing up those pesky Presidential M&M’s and they don’t like hanging around with the raisins. I don’t know, it could be a racist thing. All I know is I have to round them up and stick them all in baggies. I know Big Guy told Jay Leno that there would be no healthy treats this year, butt you know how Lady M is: eat as I say, not as I do. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

In the mean time, those of you who were wondering the other day what became of Lady M’s big black bat that she use to wear on her upholstered frock, don’t worry: it’s still in the power rotation. In fact we wore it just a week ago – with sparkles:

So we’re all good here.

And just to remind you of what Halloween is like around the Big White and get you prepared for tonight’s Trick-or-Treating, here’s a little teaser from Granny Jan & Jihad Kitty:

Friday, October 28, 2011

Before we discuss Lady M’s campaign slim-again self wrapped in one of your old favorite upholstered frocks, I should give you a little “information on background,” as we say in the professional news reporting business. So you’ll know the real reason for yesterday’s emergency trip to Tampa.

Hint: it had little to do with the children from the John Sexton Elementary school

It all began began while Big Guy was in California earlier this week, raising money from the rich and famous. Since everyone around here realizes what a big challenge we have ahead of us if we want to keep our HopenChange wagon rolling, Plouffee planned a skullduggery session to get us going. While Big Buy was gone, we held an intense 3-day work session with all of our czars and senior level staffers. We hired a VERY expensive think tank facilitator to run the meeting; one who was highly skilled in techniques and card tricks designed to wring every last ounce of creativity out of the truth, and who had a lot of experience working with a group known for their prowess at developing creative concepts for America.

We started the brain storming with the SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) model, butt when the group got hung up on the “S” element, we tried switching to the SCAMPER technique. That was rejected when Lady M found out that the “S” stood for “substitute” the “E” for “eliminate” and the “R” for replace. Obviously that acronym was DOA.

We don’t want to be confused with the party of NO

Cause and Effect Analysis was nixed for obvious reasons, and we finally settled on the Kaleidoscope technique because we got a consensus that it sounded like a colorful and fun approach.

So the facilitator labored with the Obama Brain Trust for 3 grueling days so they could present their collective ideas to Big Guy when he got back from his West Coast Plunder Tour. The excitement was palpable. Big Guy approached the super-secret conference room deep in the bowels of the West Wing, ready for a shot of much needed Mind Mapping; a chance at the Idea Lottery to put a spark in his campaign.

He put his hand on the door knob, swung the door open in anticipation: there was his entire team of hacks, strategists, planners, political activists and mind sharks! All assembled in a room filled with post-it notes, flip charts and white boards containing the grand culmination of their collective original thoughts...

Uh oh! Tabula Rasa!

Oh dear, this is bad news. TeamObama is flat out broke: fresh out of new ideas. So we’re just going to have to make do with the ones we’ve got. Recycling’s good. We’ll just sort through the rubbish and reuse all of the old ideas that still work:

We’re pretty much stuck on “raise more money – now!”

Which brings me back to Lady M’s reupholstered frock:

Lady M with two of her “covers” for the Tampa fund raising venue

We previously enjoyed seeing Lady M in this Thakoon way back in the glory days of the 2008 campaign. So as you see we’re not just recycling campaign fund raising plans, we’re actually recycling the whole campaign! Hair clothes and makeup! I leave it up to you to determine if we’re using the same facial features in the re-run.

MO wore the little Thakoon frock again on the Leno Show after the election with her “Now we are Queen” updo.

You’ll note one little change-up this time around: we left off the Black Panther Solidarity Black Ribbon. That cause is no longer an issue now that Ricky has ended the persecution of the group and dropped all the charges.

Any-hoo, Lady M wore this little number in Tampa yesterday where she had a meet and greet with students from John Sexton school who won an award from the Alliance for a Healthier Generation. I can’t swear to it, butt I think we just made this group up last week. Anyway, they, along with a military base meet and greet in Jacksonville provided cover for the launching of the brainstorming team’s 2011-12 initiative: 3 Lady M DNC fundraisers! The award presentation, officially written off ascribed as part of Lady M’s No Child’s Fat Behind program provided yesterday’s cover opportunity for Lady M to speak at the private (photo embargo) money drop fund raising events in the area.

I had the opportunity to listen to MO’s speech at both of the Tampa events as well as the Fort Lauderdale pickup. Actually, they were more pep rallies than speeches:

So make no mistake about it — I mean, whether it’s health care, or the economy, or education, or foreign policy, the choice we make in this election will determine nothing less than who we are as a country — but more importantly, who we want to be. Who are we? Will we be a country that tells folks who’ve done everything right but are struggling to get by, “tough luck, you’re on your own”? Is that who we are?

AUDIENCE: No!

MRS. OBAMA: Or will we honor the fundamental American belief that I am my brother’s keeper, I am my sister’s keeper, and if one of us is hurting, then we’re all hurting? Who are we? (Applause.)

Fortunately, TOTUS TOO was there, and he cued the audience as well so they knew when and how to respond appropriately. Nicely done!

So nothing new there: we have another opportunity in 2012 to choose who we are as a country. So choose wisely, blah, blah, blah, otherwise you’re on your own instead of having Big Guy and his team of brilliant idea generators choose for you.

Which recycles me back to the brainstorming session: Big Guy was sort of disappointed at first when he realized his team didn’t have any new ideas. Butt he quickly warmed to the idea of spending more time on the road raising money. Cue the Big Black Canadian Bus!

Butt still, everyone agreed we could use a few new tricks this time around, so Plouffee got right on it and sent out an email to the faithful Obot disciples. I’ve posted a copy of it below, butt if you’re pressed for time here’s the gist of it:

Hey loyalists! Eventually the country’s going to realize we are in a deep economic recession of our own making and demand action. In case our game plan for blaming everything on George W. Bush and the evil Republicans Occupying Congress, we could use a few new ideas on how to pander to various groups to get them to vote for us.

Have you got any good ideas? If so, please place them in these thought bubbles which we’re providing for free here:

Paste your thoughts here

so we can put them on our whiteboards and develop a Democratic Strategy 2012: Something for Everyone. Can you help? If you don’t have any ideas either, just send cash.

Here’s the long form, in case you haven’t received yours yet.

Good morning,

It's part of my job to make sure President Obama gets to hear the voices and perspectives of people outside Washington – and lately, that's not been difficult.

Everywhere the President goes, he gets the same message: Americans just want folks in Washington to work together to build an economy that works for the middle class, not just the wealthiest – and is based on rewarding responsibility, hard work and fairness.

That's why the President has proposed the American Jobs Act, a set of bold but common-sense measures that will put up to 2 million Americans back to work and more money in the pockets of working Americans.

Unfortunately, Republicans in Congress keep blocking this bipartisan proposal, putting their party before our country. We can't wait for Congress to act, so President Obama is moving ahead with executive actions to strengthen the economy, help middle class families and move this country forward.

On Monday, he was in Nevada to discuss concrete steps we're taking, like removing caps for deeply underwater borrowers and eliminating fees, so that homeowners can refinance their mortgages and save money. On Tuesday, he announced new initiatives that will help put veterans to work in community health centers. And today, he's proposing to offer immediate relief to college students by making it easier to manage their debt while they get on their feet.

These policies aren't a substitute for the American Jobs Act, but they will make a difference. And we don't intend to stop there. The best ideas for growing this economy won't come from Washington – they'll come from Americans like you. So let me tell you about a new way to make your voice heard in our government.

More than 750,000 people have already used a new feature on WhiteHouse.gov called We the People to create and sign petitions calling on the Obama Administration to take action on a range of important issues. Learn more about We the People here:

The President's changes to the student loan program will make it easier for graduates to make their payments and avoid default.

It's also a great example of We the People at work.

In the past month, thousands of citizens signed a petition about student loans. These individuals rightly pointed out that the weight of this debt is preventing graduates all over the country from achieving their dreams.

It's a message received loud and clear and one that President Obama – who spent almost a decade paying off his own student loans – understands.

A new report shows that our investments in student financial aid have made a big difference for families, but too many students still struggle with debt. Today, the President announced clear actions to help young people who are doing everything right and living up to their responsibilities, but having a hard time making loan payments while the economy continues to recover.

So what else do you have? What's the next issue you think needs attention? Make sure your voice is heard in our government:

Thursday, October 27, 2011

They say a picture is worth a 1000 words. Butt if you’re Matt Drudge, you can add 5 words to that picture and you get the whole movie:

If you insist on torturing yourself with the mechanics, it’s all contained in this report. Butt here’s the Reader’s Digest version: Big Guy took over the student loan program from the greedy banks in 2009. That gave him powers to act as, well, the Candy Man (So he could allow even more stew-dents to borrow themselves into oblivion without oversight. It’s a business model based on the very profitable drug industry).

So with the stroke of his magic pen (because “we can’t wait for Congress!”) our Candy Man intends to sign an executive order that makes it much easier on the 99% OWIES to get on with their meaningful lives of writing foodie reviews and fashion critiques.

Big Guy’s plan will drop the monthly amount that has to be paid back for those stew-dents who majored in origami and eco-tourism instead of accounting, finance, engineering or computer science, and therefore can’t get jobs. Since they can’t afford the monthly payments accrued by the crippling debt they took on before they realized they were actually agreeing to pay the money back (!), they only have to pay a little bit of their little incomes.

Take 60% and make education free: OK,I’ll take that deal, butt only if math will no longer be an elective.

Plus, after 20 years if you still haven’t managed to translate that useless degree into a decent job, your debt will be “forgiven.” Of course if Liam or Skye ends up only having paid off $25,000 of his/her $150,000 loan after 20 years because he/she opted for the psychic rewards of being a street juggler rather than a “cube monkey working for the man” someone still has to pay back the other $125,000. Oh, you didn’t know that? Yes, boys and girls, even though you’ve been “forgiven,” the money you borrowed and spent is still, like, real money, and needs to come out of someone’s hide.

So, we’re down to this: just exactly who will that someone be? Ding! Ding! Ding! Go to the head of the class if you answered: The American Taxpayer! You know, that dying breed of suckers. The 53% of the 99% + 1% who still actually pay taxes? (If you could follow the math in all of the above illustrations, feel free to thank your teachers, butt also give yourself a pat on the back for not spending your $125,000 on a major in gender studies.)

So I totally get why Big Guy wants to give the students free drugs candy. It must be tempting to create yet another faithful constituency forever grateful for the benevolence of the government-education complex. Along with the underwater homeowners he’s going to bailout, the auto unions he has bailed out, and the unions who he’s funded with last years “stimulus” - that’s beginning to smell like “Victory!” And I sure get why the students will love the Obama Student Loan Bailout plan: Who wouldn’t want to party for 7 years in the prime of their youth on the government’s dime? Way to go Big Guy! We LOVE you, man!

I feel your twinkles!

Meanwhile: Did you know that it’s still possible to get a FREE education? Yes, and in only 5 weeks! Where? Down in Zoo- cotti Park.

It seems that the OWIES have been fed up till now by a team of volunteer cooks who as recently as last week were fixing up repasts such as this:

Well apparently the chefs themselves are in protest mode. Yep, Gateway Pundit calls an irony alert on the revolt that has resulted in rations being cut back to simple brown rice and beans. Heck, you can’t even get away with that in prison! And wait until the CAIR protestors get wind of the fact they’re not even halal.

Anyway, here’s the education that the chefs got for free: if you give stuff away, there will be freeloaders: more and more each day. That’s why collectivism breaks down, and with this group apparently quite quickly. So, if the mostly unemployed chefs take advantage of their free education, they’ll all go back and open restaurants of their own where they can charge for their food. Now that they’ve learned they can’t just give the food away for free, they’ve discovered how capitalism works! Because if you give stuff away, all you’ll get are a bunch of free loaders and you’ll never be able to pay your bills. Wow, that’s awesome insight just for the taking.

So let’s summarize:

The Obama Student Loan Bailout plan: go to school on someone else’s dime (or more accurately, $150,000 or so) for 7 years so you can get approximately 2.5 degrees in Elizabethan English literature and drama. During that 7 year (or thereabouts) period you manage to avoid most, if not all, gainful employment while learning…well, that’s the tricky part to nail down. It’s a little hazy, butt at least you’ve read seen all some of Shakespeare’s plays. And maybe in 20 years, when you’ve had some real life experience, you might even understand them.

Meanwhile, Joe the Plumber - who went to trade school, got a job immediately afterwards and has been busting his ass arse ever since – is contributing his hard earned tax dollars to pay off your stew-dent loan which you used to follow your bliss for 7 years. And since Joe the Plumber isn’t burdened with a $150,000 loan that he never borrowed because he never went to college, he will be expected to pay a little bit more to cover the loss on your college loan that Big Guy has forgiven. That in itself is quite an education.

Well, I don’t know about you, butt I’ve learned something! No wonder Big Guy is going to forgive most of your debt. In exchange, he gets your undying gratitude and a lifetime of votes for the Democratic ticket.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Big, big post today. I can’t even begin to tell you how hectic this week’s been. Yesterday Lady M hosted a fund raiser in Detroit at the Book Cadillac hotel (closed press, sorry) to pick up the city’s last remaining bag of cash before flying on to Chicago to promote her No Child’s Fat Behind program with Rahmbo.

And Big Guy: wow! The last 2 days he’s been in Hollywood (twice!) San Francisco and Las Vegas, baby!

Air Force Won, on a shadow fly over of Las Vegas: don’t hit that organic broccoli patch!

Between Lady M and Big Guy, Air Force Won and Won Too have been wracking up a lot of fly over miles. I guess that could explain that “blue ice” incident over the Las Vegan Owies encampment, first reported by Anonymouse yesterday. She quoting a Lucianne field report that "One poo'ed over the cuckoo's nest." [ed. Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are!]

Big Guy’s still dragging in the huge crowds, even in recession battered Las Vegas.

Back to Lady M for a minute though, did you see this? OMG! I’m such a girly mirror that yesterday’s photo op with the worm from the compost pile totally grossed me out!

Don’t look now, butt that worm might be turning.

Lady M, being tough as nails because she was raised on Chicago’s South Side, seemed to revel in waving that poor little guy around. I actually felt sorry for him. I was so relieved when she finally put him back into the compost bin instead of – well, you know how most of our faux garden shows wrap up:

Sandwiched between two DNC fundraisers, Lady M’s food desert summit in Chicago to discuss healthy, affordable eating ideas was the ostensible reason for her fly over trip. So between lunch and dinner we visited the worm and mushroom farm and wrapped up with photo op with the brand new display of fresh fruits and veggies of Walgreens (!).

Will Smith, Magic Johnson (the first “Magic Negro” and still the only “authentic” one) Antonio Banderas, Melanie Griffiths (poster child for cosmetic surgery abuse) roses and votive candles: and still Big Guy feels he has to say that “This election won’t be as sexy as the first.”?

Not as sexy? You’ve got to be kidding.

People seem to be upset that press was shooed away from the fund raisers. Well actually the only people who seem annoyed over this are the press people. Butt let’s face it, they carry a disproportionate weight in the presidential sweepstakes, so we are a bit concerned. Butt not enough to risk another embarrassing incident like occurred last summer, so we’ve restricted coverage, to protect the guilty. Apparently the San Francisco Chronicle is taking exception to our new interpretation of the transparency policy:

The Obama White House's restrictions on media access to its fundraising events makes a mockery of its claim to be the most transparent administration in history.

If anything, there is almost a Nixonian quality to the level of control, paranoia - and lack of credibility - this White House has demonstrated on the issue of media access to President Obama's fundraisers.

At a million-dollar San Francisco fundraiser today, President Obama warned his recession-battered supporters that if he loses the 2012 election it could herald a new, painful era of self-reliance in America.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Imagine: three women fabricating a mental case like that completely from whole cloth!Seriously, can you even imagine three evil women conspiring to perpetrate a fraud like that? Foisting a hoax like that on the whole country?

Incomprehensible, really.

Butt back to Lady M news: Did you see the announcement about her new book: the working title is “American Grown”

On the cover, Lady M holds a basket containing an artful collection of eggplants (dark and light skinned) red peppers, green and yellow tomatoes (butt no red ones?!), Swiss chard, zucchini blossoms, cucumber and corn. Yeah, sure they look good, butt don’t forget about the great apple expose. I’m not saying they’re all fake, butt we all know now that what you see, may not necessarily be what you get. You know, “objects in rear view mirror may be closer than they appear” distortions?

As you might guess, MO is simpatico with the POWS, especially the one from the other day who wishes she knew how to grow a garden. Lady M wrote this book with people like her in mind: “Because we get so many questions about the garden: How did we do it? Why did we do it? How do I do this in my own home or community?” Real questions, real answers.

Anyway, the working title for a while was “American Made.” We were going to use the double entendre to run a special promotion: “if you pre-order today, you get a free Birther mug or tee-shirt from Big Guy’s re-election campaign for free!”

Butt the publisher didn’t like the cheap, exploitative aspect of this idea and ditched it in favor of “American Grown.” I still think the cross promotion could have worked great if they hadn’t decided to use fraudulent vegetables in the cover shot. That just opened a whole new can of worms.

Meanwhile, more controversy re-emerged yesterday concerning this odd photo from last April that popped up on IOTW:

BO, MO and the Hand of God?

Conspiracies galore ran rampant on the innertubz until someone finally tracked down this old Chicago Trib article that blew the lid on the whole story. Turns out it was just GrannyR (again, with the invisible hand) completely blocked out by MO’s huge, uh, backwards belted raincoat flapping in the breeze. In the following frame however, you can see various other GrannyR parts and pieces emerging, divulging the truth of the third hand. Like I said, read all about it in the Trib.

So what is the moral of this story? I think it’s fairly obvious: “Who you gonna believe? Me or your lyin’ eyes?”

Choose wisely, weedhopper.

Any way, more fun today! We’re hooking up with Rhambo back in Chicago to give supermarkets an ultimatum on the food deserts that they’ve created in the Windy City. Everyone seems to have forgotten the fact that Chicago’s own City Council fought against letting Walmart build a store on the South Side for years: the very locale where Lady M and Rhambo will be hectoring people today! I just don’t understand politics very well. Butt I think I’ll have lots of opportunity to provide helpful pictures from today’s photo op and campaign stop!

Oh! And speaking of campaigning: Big Guy will be hobnobbing in Hollywood this week in order to raise that billion dollars he needs to campaign for reinstatement. That’s bound to provide lots of good visuals as well.