Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Here's a song called "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen. A classic from the 70's, that for how corny, brings back memories. I'll be all by myself while trying to come up with nicknames for my readers (see today's post).

My good blog friend Gwen has a great list of old songs like this from the seventies that she just posted. To see her post - clicky here.

It's pretty lame when people make up their own nicknames. Really - it is. If you've read my blog, you''ll know that I have a special gift for making up nicknames on the fly. Take a look at this post about Soul Train where I nick-named all of the dancers. And even though racist You Tube took the video down it's STILL a classic. Seriously - "Backstroke Afromatic"? ...Where DO I come up with this stuff?

In an effort to "Give Something Back" - I'm going to give a nickname to each person that leaves a comment in the comments section of this blog today*. Please also feel free to nickname me in the comments section. Also, please leave any great nicknames that you've heard of in your lifetime.

So there you go. Enjoy your normal, boring name.... for one more day.

*If for some reason, whether religious, fear of taunting or just being a big baby and you DON'T want a nickname - please write, "no nickname please" in comments.

Monday, September 29, 2008

When I was in 5th grade I went to stay with my cousins in Chicago for a few weeks over Summer break. It was great. My Uncle was a surgeon so they had this great condo in downtown Chicago near the Museum of Science and Industry. I remember being fascinated by the "in the future exhibit" where they had a video phone exhibit.

Every morning this was the song that was on the radio - Magic my Pilot. I just heard this on the radio and thought I'd post it.

Happy birthday Chevy Camaro. September 29, 1966 is day the first Camaro was introduced. It was the 1967 Camaro. Right after High School I dated a girl that had a 1969 Camaro. It was blue. She'd let me drive it whenever she picked me up . It was cooler than the family Toyota Corona I was driving at the time. I wish it were mine. I know - I just let you into my world by telling you that amazing story.

Does anyone have any other good Camaro stories? And for some of the nerd guy readers - don't even lie and tell me that you had some chick in the backseat because you know you were home watching the Love Boat with you parents. True stories only.

And for fun, click here to see the an interactive site about the Camaro from the movie Better Off Dead with John Cusack.

...and on other another note, the winner of the funniest comment for ALL CLOWN WEEKEND was nobody. Thanks for the comments but nobody left any comedy gold so the winner goes to McGone for his Friday comment on the post about the Carrot Boy at West Chester University. His comment:

It would really be a cherry on top if the owner said "OK, now that you have the costume on, let's practice the dance moves."

Sunday, September 28, 2008

OK, clown weekend is almost over people. Here is a really great song called "Rodeo Clowns". Excellent harmonizing with G-Love, Jack Johnson and Donavon Frankenreiter. This was filmed at the Orange Lounge. You're gonna LOVE this!

They also do a few other songs including "Rainbow." This is good stuff so just put it on and listen to the great music while eating your Sunday eggs and bacon.

Clown Weekend continues at TBY with this cheese ball rendition of Say You, Say Me. Trust me on this one - you need to see the expression on this clown at 49 seconds in. Try to concentrate on that expression when you're in a deep, deep sleep tonight.

It's official. I've decided that That Blue Yak will be having it's FIRST ANNUAL CLOWN WEEKEND. Starting now. And who doesn't love clowns? So plan to check back all weekend to see videos of everything clown related. Make a party out of it. Tell your friends. Don't have friends? This might be the perfect opportunity to stop a stranger on the street and make a friend,

"Excuse me. We don't know each other but would you like to come to my house and watch clown stuff together? Seriously - no funny business. Just clown stuff."

Who knows...you might have a new friend at the end of the weekend.

Also, whoever leaves the funniest comment - will receive the title of THAT BLUE YAK FIRST ANNUAL CLOWN WEEKEND GRAND MARSHAL OF CLOWN. Now I give you -"Evil Clown Dancing":

West Chester residents can now unlock their doors. The clown cat burglar I referenced in my last post was actually just a dream. It was just Mr Rogers wearing an evil clown mask. This video should explain it.

I woke up this morning feeling like a lonesome clown. You know - from the lyric in Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down by the Carpenters*. I guess it's the non stop rain that's happening here in West Chester..... Or it could be the clown make-up that's smeared all over my pillow. WTF? I kind of forget what happened last night but when I woke up this morning there was a huge red shoe - size 20 - sitting below an open window -drape a-flappin' in the wind.

Anyway, I'm gonna cheer myself up by listening to a different Carpenters song: Top of the World. Enjoy the upbeat tempo and snappy lyrics you clowns.

*If you're repulsed by how ungodly fat Karen Carpenter is, look at a lamp or something instead of the watching the video.

Friday, September 26, 2008

When Weezer said they wanted to record a song about me - West Chester's Dr Zibbs - owner of the amazing, award winning blog THAT BLUE YAK - I told them they could on four conditions:

1) They record 5 different songs and I get to pull the winning song out of a hat. The four losing songs be thrown out and never spoken of again.2) They use the word "Beatch"(say: Beeey-aaattchh).3) When they tour, they stop by Bam Magera's new West Chester club The Note and let me play tambourine. I get at least one solo and get to stand in front.4) I'm referred to as the Fifth Weezer.

They agreed to all of my demands Here's what the boys came up with - I give you "Troublemaker" by Weezer (aka' ode to Zibbs):

For the record - I still think the lead singer looks like my neighbor Mike K.

West Chester Restaurant Owner: Yes, when you were hired to work the cash register, we told you that our staff - on a rotating basis - is asked to wear the carrot costume, go down to the college and hand out fliers.

WCU Student: Can I cover my face with a black, thin sheath so people can't see my face.

West Chester Restaurant Owner: No. Too Dangerous. You could trip.

WCU Student: What if I cut out holes where the eyes are and wore glasses?

West Chester Restaurant Owner: And ruin the integrity of the carrot? Absolutely not.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

You should feel very privileged my dear reader because you are looking at an amazing photo. The picture above is an actual "Carny Hotel" on wheels. You might remember my gripping coverage of Downingtown's Good Neighbor Day this Summer. This photo is from the same day. I just didn't think that most of you were mature enough to handle it - but you've come a long way.

Anyways, I have so many questions about this mini Carny hotel that I thought I'd draft a letter to the carnival company to get some answers. My question are:

1) Why do the outer doors not have locks? Are locks earned or are those rooms reserved for the strong - "can take care of themselves" - type of Carny?

2) Did anyone ever try to drill a glory hole in one of the "hotel" walls? If they did, did any of the wise cracker Carny's pull any practical jokes with the glory hole?

3) How do the really fat chicks that the Carny's pick up fit through those thin doors? Do the other Carny's have to run up and push her in - using their bodies like a battering ram?.. "on three fellows, one..two..three"...You know what I mean.

4) Did a midget Carny ever request to have a slide installed instead of those steps? And you obliged because you thought it would be funny to watch him slide down it?

5) When you're driving down the highway, do any of the freaky looking Carny's....let me rephrase that....do any of the Carny's ever pull the door curtain open with a knife, then creepily look at some kid in a car, then they pretend to slit their throat as if telling the kid they're going to slit the kids' throat? ...WAIT...I'M NOT DONE....then, the kid starts yelling to his dad that a Carny threatened to kill him and the dad says, "Nonsense Timmy, there aren't any Carny's in the trailer - probably just horses - or chairs."

6) Do the Gypsy Carnys give you more trouble than the normal Carny's?

7) Did one of the trailers ever REALLY stink? Then when you finally checked it out, one of the fat Carny chicks had been hiding all of these funnel cake plates and cheese dogs sticks under her cot that she'd been stealing for years?

8)

Did a Carny, trying to make the best of their situation ever try to make their Carny room nice buy fixing it up and putting up curtains and pictures? And when they proudly showed it to the other Carny's, one jerk Carny said, "No amount of fancy curtains and decorations gonna change the fact that use is livin' in a travelin' jail cell.

9) When you hear someone in a non carnival situation referring to the smell of urine, do you always butt in and say, "Lady, you want to know about urine soaked - just try cleaning one of my hotel Carny rooms on a hot day in July. Now dat's urine smell!"

10) Did you ever think about letting normal people step into one of the Carny rooms? And charge money for it? You know - like a spook house. If so, are you looking for investors? I might be able to help you out.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

..which brings me to this Clay Aiken clip showing when a fan (stalker) meets their God. This day may come my friend. This day may come. And the facial expressions on both of us will match those in this video.

And with those noble words, I need to leave and watch the end of the Phillies game in my neighbor's garage.

I did it. I found the best Halloween costume at the Halloween store in Downingtown (right near the Wegmans). Behold it's glory. I'm asking readers not to buy it because when I went to the counter to make the purchase, I didn't have enough money. This costume is $14.99! I'm heading to the bank right after lunch. I know it's a lot scratch to pay for a costume but the way I see it, I'll go this year as "The Billionaire" and next year as "Le Billionaire". I know. Pretty smart.

My only problem is that it's September 24th and I don't think that's going to give me enough time to master that expression that the guy on the bag is doing. Do you know how many takes it probably took to get that pose just right? And he's a pro! I was thinking about just carrying the bag in my pocket, then when I see people, I'll pull the bag out and and say, "You're Fired" - while holding the bag in front of my face. Is that stupid?

I'll have to learn how to say "You're fired" in Spanish for the 2009 Halloween, but I'll get to that after the new year.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

If you guessed Anonymous you're correct. After reading Anonymous's blog post I can tell you that it is true. I'm being stalked by him. I mean - think about it. We've never met, I take a picture at the Chester County Restaurant Festival and he just happens to be there taking a picture a split second before? Puh-leaase.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go practice my karate. Enjoy the stalking themed Colbert Clip:

- Some people like Gwen, seem to think that Anonymous and Loving it is really a blog consisting of my "B material". While others think that Anonymous was inspired my Dr Zibbs and Falwless and "Bubbled-up" to the plate and started his own blog. That Blue Yak has neither confirmed nor denied this.

Now, check out the following which is either a clever attempt to make others think that Dr Zibbs has another blog OR a potential stalking situation by "Anonymous - the blogger Who Believed in Miracles"(copyright That Blue Yak). Make sure to view both posts about this subject on the Anonymous blog my clicking here then here.

Please leave your more important comments on the more important blog which of course is right here. But also throw Anonymous a bone or two as well.

Monday, September 22, 2008

The 2008 Chester County Restaurant Festival happened in downtown West Chester Sunday and That Blue Yak was there to take these amazing photos. Celebrity Dr Zibbs was on hand to inspect, taste, then raise brow and give thumbs up to the star struck crowd.

Here's looking down Gay Street from High Street:

This was a tasty pepper jack and crab bisque from Ryan's Pub. Excellent!

What have we here? The picture below is a Beef on Weck sandwich from the Whip Tavern (weck as in Kummelweck roll.) Tasty!

I forget who this guy was making the ribs but look at him go!

The picture below is the WCDish booth. There's local celeb and sweatheart Mary Bigham in the red. Is that WCOJ's JT Morgan? Sure is. And may I add that if you haven't heard WCOJ in the morning, JT is great. You can now listen online. I only wish that guy "Marty from Downingtown" would call in more. If they ever track him down, they should have him into the studio. I wonder if it's really a freaky dude or someone else?.... I don't know. .....all I know is tune in because it's good stuff.

..and just a congrats to friend of THAT BLUE YAK winners: Gadaleto's Seafood for best entree (crab cake) and West Chester Scoop for best dessert. (Please thank me with free food next time I enter your establishments).

Sunday, September 21, 2008

So after stuffing my face at the Chester County Food Festival I realized that the Downingtown Wegmans bag from this morning that I thought contained 3 items had an extra FREE item: Fresh Cod Filets! So now I'm searching for a nice batter dipped recipe online.

For inspiration, I'm turning to this classic Charlie the Tuna commercial from days of old:

So last night was the dinner club I was telling you about. Here are pics of the tasty Mexican food. Chicken enchiladas, beef enchiladas, black beans and asparagus salad. Very Delicious. Margaritas and Coronas were also consumed.

...And for those that want to see a photo of the Chiles Rellenos I made the other night..TA - DAAA. Now go microwave the Big Mac that's in the back of your fridge and eat it while looking at this food. If you use your imagination - maybe.. just maybe.. that Big Mac will taste a little bit better. To add some excitement to your life, prop up a pillow next to your TV tray and pretend you're dining with me...Dr Zibbs.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I'm getting ready to clean and pamper myself in preparation for the dinner club I'm going to in a few hours. The hosts are serving Mexican. I hope that they serve some Chiles Rellenos. My new West Chester blog friend Kimmie posted a recipe for Chiles Rellenos a few days ago and I made it this week. Let me tell you something - was tasty. And for you fatties out there - it's pretty low in calories too.

So in the spirit of Mexico, here's a video of Charo* singing Love Will Keep Us Together. OK... She's really Spanish but..what are you gonna do. My Chiles Rellenos weren't 100% Mexican because I had to use Velveeta for the cheese. So it all evens out.

I didn't mean to steal the soul of this young Amish boy I just saw at the West Chester Grower's Market by taking his photo but I couldn't resist. It was pretty cute. The duo paused after playing a song and the Amish kid softly said, "Excellent."

I know how the Amish are about photos but since his face isn't showing I thought it would be OK. If the father sees this picture while online, or sees it when I finally get TBY TV up and running, please - feel free to pick up the phone and call me if you want the picture removed. I will remove it if given two wagon wheels and some pickled pearl onions.

Cheap Trick was the first concert I went to. The year was 1979 - location was the Spectrum in Philly. I went with my friend Flare. Here's a video of Cheap Trick performing the song Surrender*. Note the intro by Ted Nugent.

I'm too lazy to look it up but I'm pretty sure this is in Japan and this performance is on their Live From Budokon album.

Friday, September 19, 2008

I often wonder - with all of the admiration I get from my readers, what kind of discussions about me go on when I'm not around.

"Isn't Dr Zibbs the best?"

"What about that one thing that he said about the thing?"

"I bet he really fills out his trousers."

I know, it's hard for you people to admit how much I mean to you and it's even harder to put your thoughts into words that smarter people can understand. You know - sentences.

And I'm not only talking about the bloggers I really like, I'm also addressing the "unimportant blogs." You might not know who you are - but we do. Typing up nonsense and thinking that people are actually reading it. That's why I'm going to play Lulu singing of To Sir With Love. I'm dedicating it from you to me.

And as me, I'd like to say thank you. It's well deserved.

(I just reread this post and after realizing it makes no sense - I'm still posting it).

Someone on Burke Road in West Whiteland is selling a Tiki. You know Burke Road, it's right near Peirce Middle School - or more importantly - where I had a dance fight a few weeks ago at the Waltz Farm Barn- you know - where the buffalo are? Yeah..you know. Anyways, a resident on Burke Road has a hand carved Tiki Totem Pole for sale (see picture above).

It's been sitting there for a 2 months. So I think now is the time to try and bargain him down if you know what I mean. It looks like there might be a price tag on it but it's hard to tell from the picture. Here's how I see the deal going down:

ME:(looking at totem and kicking it at the base): Interesting. Kind of similar to the Brady Tiki but with extra heads. This would be great to throw crap at near my Garden of Hope.

Artist: (approaching from the shadows) She's a beaut huh? They say you don't choose a totem. A totem chooses you.

Me: What do they say about who chooses the price?

Artist: 45.

Me: 45? It's $45?

Artist: 45 hours. That's how long it took me to create her.

Me: But it looks like the symmetry's a bit off.... Are you finished yet?

Artist:(stares blankly)

Me: ..you see right on the..left....

Artist: Would you care to guess as to the inspiration of this particular piece?

Me: Uhh...stump grinders are too expensive?

Artist:(Angrily) Incorrect. The Haida people of the Queen Charlotte Islands.

Me: OK so how about $5?

Artist: That's an insult!

Me: Come on. It' been sitting here for months. Let's face the facts, nobody's gonna buy it. I just want to put it back near my garden - away from street view - so I can chuck tomatoes at it and shit. How about $10.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

There's been breaking news concerning the bombs planted in West Chester's Mosteller garage. The photos above show what authorities are calling a "person of interest." This person has been named as a bomb suspect. As one of the largest and definitely most loved news outlets in Chester County, That Blue Yak will now reveal the name of the suspect. Not that we know the identity, we just want to name him as in - a nickname..you know.

Based on his orange outfit and portly appearance, we give you: "Oran-JO" (copyright That Blue Yak) . We ask that all residents start referring to him as "Oran-Jo" and the incident as "The West Chester Garage Bomb Incident of 2008 - the Showdown."

And of course if anyone has information leading to his identity, please contact the ATF Hotline at 1-888-ATF-BOMB.

USAToday has a story today about Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched The World. Are you kidding? If any of my readers are planning to read this book, you are no longer invited to my blog. In fact, I vow to my Jesus that whenever I see someone reading this book, I will rip it out of their hands ala' Greg Brady and say, "Watcha readin'?" I'll then heave the book into a tree or nearby stream.

Anyway, the REAL story in the article is the sub story on page 2D about Oscar the cat. It seems Oscar the cat, a resident of the Steere House Nursing Center in Providence has the ability to tell when residents are about to die. He's actually is able to identify who is going to die, then he hangs out on their bed until they die. Now that's creepy AND interesting.

I'm now announcing a contest. I'm asking readers to submit Youtube videos of an Oscar look-alike cat scaring the hell out of old people. Use your imagination:

- Start by leaving articles about Oscar - in large print and highlighted - around the elderly - so they're familiar about the nightmare that is coming their way.

- Train the cat to look at someone, then away, then look at them again.

- Try to convince some of the seniors to get Oscar to go to someone else's bed so the other person dies instead of them. Suggest that they might want to place boxes of mice under someone else's bed to lure the killer cat there. You know, play them against one another.

- Consider entrapping a really crabby old person as nothing is funnier than an old crab screaming in horror.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

For my readers out there under 35, you probably don't remember the old CB radio. I remember asking for one and I'm sure my parents thought CB's were too white trash so I never got one. Or they thought it was way to complicated for me:

Mom: I think we should get him a CB for Christmas.

Dad: Sally, it's mechanical. What it it breaks down? Do you want to be driving it to the Radio Shack or Audioland at the Farmer's Market to get it fixed every other day?

Mom: That's true, and don't CB's involve some kind of math knowledge? I think they said that on 60 minutes.

Dad: Exactly.

Anyways, here's a link to to some CB lingo. From the list, here are a few of my favorites:

"Watch Your Donkey" - Police are coming up behind you.

"Toenails in the radiator" - Full speed.

"Professional Beaver" - Hooker.

"Chicken Coup is Clean" - Weigh station is closed.

Now, enjoy the cheesy Convoy performance from the Mike Douglas Show. This performance ties it for me -along with Disco Duck - of what sickens me about the 70's . Look how serious CW McCall is. And you know he's proud of his performance. Puh-lease.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I'm watching Fringe right now and let me just tell you that I love it already! Some chick was just was screaming and had to be rushed to the hospital. As she gave birth, the doctors are looking down in horror. One of them pukes.

In the next scene, they explain that the "baby" kept growing aka advanced rapid aging. On the floor is a bloody, dead old man. Yup. Great, creepy fun.

I hope you're prepared because I just found something on the Youtube that has me completely cracking up. I know I'm going to have to watch this over and over again.

Am I so out of it that I've never heard about this Blog Monkey or am I so in it that I've just discovered this and YOU are the one that's out of it? Please rate it for funniest on scale of 1 - 10. I give it 9.5 TBY stars.

Monday, September 15, 2008

When I pulled into West Chester at noon to meet a client today I was a bit surprised to see five helicopters above as well as streets closed off. Being a celebrity myself, it's not unusual to see some paparazzi fanfare but puh-leeaaaase. As it turns out, there was a bomb scare. They found some "bomb stuff" in Mostellers Garage*.

While waiting for my client to arrive I stood on the corner of Gay and High Street kind of hoping someone would ask, "Is there a hero in the crowd?" It never happened.

The hero of the day was the hot roast beef sandwich I enjoyed at Kildare's (except, unfortunately it was on a poppy seed encrusted potato roll).

So I'm in West Chester at Iron Hill Brewery on Friday for the Mug Club sampler and I look out the window and who do I see? Kimmie, from the West Chester blog KimDeC. Just a bit of background:

- We've never met

- We started commenting on each others blogs recently. She even wrote a post about a Mexican restaurant in West Chester called Don Gabriel's. I've never been there but went there on her recommendation. And it was great.

- I know what she looks like because she has pictures of herself on her blog.

- She doesn't know what I look like as there is only one picture of me on my blog but my face is hidden.

So, I DID NOT introduce myself as I left because I was thinking it would go like this:

Me:Is your name Kimmie?

Her: Yes.

Me: Do you have a blog?

Her: (getting nervous) Yes?

Me: Well - I'm Dr Zibbs - creator of That Blue Yak.

Her: POLICE!!!!!!

As a side note, I was wearing a suit and I'm normal (on the outside) so it wouldn't have been like a homeless person limping up to her. AND she even said later - via her blog - that I should have said hello. Anyways. check out her blog and tell her Zibbs sent you.

Also, I'd love to hear any stories about how my readers have met any "real people" as a result of their blogs.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I'm going Mexican tonight. I'm about to make some Chicken Fajitas for dinner. I've made them a many times but thought I'd go online to find a new recipe. I was watching some fajita cooking on the YouTube then came across this odd animation called Chicken Fajitas. It's pretty funny.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I was just listening to this Violent Femmes song while driving through Exton. The kick ass xylophone playing makes me want to take up the instrument. I'd start introducing myself as "Nubs"* because I bet that's what the xylaphone sticks are called. I'd be kind of like Sticks on Happy Days but I'd be Nubs. And believe me, my nubs would be with me at all times. You know - so I'd be prepared for every xylophone opportunity that came my way.

I can see me now - walking into the Exton Mall and pass a few trash cans? Yup, I'd whip my nubs out and go to town. Skinny skank wearing a tank top walking through Malvern? You guessed it - out come the nubs and me - Nubs - would start playin' her ribs.

While you listen to Gone Daddy Gone, imagine me - Nubs - at 1:20 into the video looking at YOU and giving a little wink and pointing my nub at you. I bet you'd never forget it.

*Feel free to start calling my Nubs. If the name starts to bother me after a month, I think I'll have to pick a different instrument to master.

With all the people following Hurricane Ike, the odds are very high that some people out there in TV Land will start to build unhealthy obsessions with their weather person. Like the guy in this video.

(Alice, do you know this guy? He's from Canada too. Saskatoon Canada.)

Friday, September 12, 2008

It's really raining like the devil in West Chester. Rain.Devil...Devil's Rain..... The Devil's Rain.

That the name of the movie that used to scare the hell out of me as a kid . Well, not the movie - but the trailer. I saw the movie for the first time a few years ago and guess what? It wasn't scary. But it did feature Shatner so - you know...Here's the trailer:

I would never put anyone in a pit in my sub basement like on Silence of the Lambs, but if I did, and I didn't like the person I think it would be fun to mess with them.

After they were finished applying their daily lotion and were really tired from a a long day, I would lower a whole fryer chicken into the pit. The great thing is, the chicken would be on fishing wire so it would look like it was actually flying. Could you imagine someone jumping to get a chicken and then the chicken "flies" out of their reach just at the last second? Kind of like when you pretend to pick up a hitchhiker then you pull ahead just as they're about to grab the door handle and then you say, "I'm just kidding, come get in." - then you do it again and again.

And what if you put a Mr Microphone IN the fryer? I would probably talk like a parrot and say things like, "Better luck next time. Better luck next time."

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Do you know when you hear a complete stranger talk, you've never met them before, but you know exactly what they're like? Imagine hearing this true babble (needs to be read fast, loudly and with rage for true impact):

"..They won't let me see my OWN grandchild when I want. Is that right? Is it?...Sure, I'll I can drive a half hour to babysit but can I drop in anytime? No.

And look at that house. I started buying them Snowbabies to decorate their house..I go over there...not one in site. Not one! Ohhhhhh..Snowbabies aren't fancy enough? Well listen up Missy, I've collected snowbabies and all my sisters collected Snowbabies. We're Snowbabies people. If you don't like them then at least don't deprive my grandchild of the Snowbaby experience.

That's it, next time I'm invited to babysit, I'm bringing Snowbabies. I don't care. Am I right? Am I right?"

If you're like me, you can tell so much more about this person from what they've disclosed in this rant. What style of pants do they wear? Stretch. What do they look forward to? The Fair. What do they say when a 3 year old falls? "You fall down and go boom."

You see? Sometimes it only takes so many pieces of information to really get to the bottom of a person - which leads me to my point. When people find out that I have a blog and ask what it's about - it's very hard to explain. Even for someone like me - who has an unbelievable command of the language. (You can tell by the big ass words and perfect grammar). Instead of telling them what my blog is about, I simply tell them to do a Google image search* of "That Blue Yak". It tells all. To see the unpeeled layers of my onion, click here.

*I still don't know why some of my more recent images don't show up in a Google search but blog that I've commented on do. Does it help to add information to my pictures (name them) before posting them? Someone please explain. It's the least you can do for getting to read my blog subscription free.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

My good blog friend Gwen had a great post the other day about the Hug Me Pillow that's offered at Overstock.com. It's a creepy half torso pillow that the ladies can snuggle up to when their man it out of town - (I hear it's also used by the fatties and butterfaces that can't bag a man so they have to settle for a freakish, soon to be tear soaked pillow). Some love is better than none I guess. But who am I to judge?

Anyways, I hate to say, "Whoops -I did it again." - but dagnabit I did. One day I'm inventing Words, Voice Motions- a popular game that's about to be in stores. And the next, I'm making up a song (100% by myself) called "Bubble Up" and the phrase "Bubble Up" is sweeping the nation too. But instead of the phrase coming from the ghetto and movie Up the chain, like, "Hi Holmes? How are you today?" OR "I think I'd prefer to get Jiggy with that thing", my Bubble Up expression has started in my multi-million dollar That Blue Yak headquarters and is moving DOWN the chain. Go figure!

Well, here it is. I unveil to you - "the limited edition, extra fingered Indian dude's hand Hug-A-Lot Pillow". It's pretty much like the Hug Me Pillow but with the added bonus of an Indian dude's hand that has an extra finger on it. I'm also thinking about perfuming the hand with that cologne that Indian people use. So it's authentic and all.

The name is a bit wordy so I'm going to give my readers the opportunity to name the product. Please free to suggest tag lines as well. The winner will receive a Zagnut bar.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Many of you immature people out there would laugh at someone if they saw them walking into work with a Hemorrhoid Donut. And because the person also might have to carry their laptop, lunch and other junk, they might have to tie a string around it and wear it around their neck until they got to their desk.

They probably get taunted by other workers,

"Yo Flavo Flav - nice clock. No, it's more like Stinky Flav - OH YEAH." Then the taunter turns to the person they're walking next to and puts their palm out because they've earned a high-5 for the 3rd grade level joke they just made up.

Or even worse, they have to put their head through it and wear it like a big assed necklace. Then, you got some dope running to the top of your building and leaning over yelling, "Look at me! I'm the king of the world!" - Like he's Leo DiCaprio on the titanic and you're a drowning Titanic victim because the roid donut around your neck looks like a life preserver.

Well, not unlike Mother Theresa or Bono, I'm a giver. And today, I'm giving this idea - for FREE to the world. What if the hemorrhoid donut manufacturers printed jokes ONTO these cushions? Then, when someone made a joke about the donut, the sufferer could hold up the donut and show people the joke that's written on it. Then instead of being victim of a joke, everyone would be laughing at the NEW joke and completely forget about the donut. I know. Sometimes brilliant solutions are very simple.

OK. I've done my humanitarian work for the day. Now it's up to my readers to take this idea and run with it.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I received a peculiar comment concerning the video of the J Geils Band (see video in last post). In reference to the video, Jon from Extraneous Kickassery wrote:

"That's a great song and all, but man that video is terrible. Back when I was in high school, our classroom dance routines had WAY better choreography."Well, that was a VIDEO Jon. Nobody REALLY dances in school. Or do they? Then it hit me. Take away the cap from Jon's avatar and grow some hair....and you're looking at a slightly older Carlo Emperato. So here's were Jon went to school - and learned how to fly...HIGH:

Here's a video of Centerfold from the J Geils Band from the album Freeze Frame. I saw them in concert at the Spectrum in Philly around 1980 or 1981 with my friend Flare. Excellent concert with one of rock's best frontmen Peter Wolf.

With gas prices so high, it's really expensive driving all over to buy 45's about animals attacking people - Exton Mall, pick up one - then to King of Prussia Mall for another, then to the Gallery in Philly. I'm going broke. Now I can get all my animal attack records in one place - from The Wilderman:

Do you know that there are goats that get SO nervous that they actually faint? It's true. They'll be running, then maybe they'll see another goat that's about to steal their favorite tin can they just hid behind a tree and they were saving the tin can for a well deserved treat later and BAM. Their legs lock up out of bad nerves and they fall down. They're also called Myotonic Goats.

Oh yeah. And get this. Their origin appears to be traced to the hick state of Tennessee. Who would of guessed? This video shows them:

Friday, September 5, 2008

I'm about to become a dancing fool this weekend while I try to unwind and contemplate my presidential run. And what better way than to walk out the door like George Gallo to this Barry Manilow song? Now, you have to watch this because you're gonna think - OK, this guy is just dancing like an idiot to this gay song. But wait. At about 44 seconds in he jumps into what I like to call "Style -n- Sass"* with his hands in his pockets. You be the judge:

Also, for those Chester County residents that want to meet me?... (or - who knows - those who may want to fly in - hoping to meet me) - I'll probably be at the Kennett Square Mushroom Festival tomorrow. I'll be wearing jeans or shorts.

* "Style-n-Sass" - if interested in licensing this phrase I just made up, please contact me. I have very low guarantees and royalty rates are very competitive. Serious inquiries only. NO BEAUTY PARLOURS!

Well you sir may be a fool because if you're traveling west from West Chester and Chester County on Route 30 in PA, it's only a short ride until you hit Paradise, PA. You didn't read that incorrectly. We're talking Amish country. 20-30 minutes from modern civilization.

And you would think with the Amish, with their fear of electricity, Eskimos and things that click that the only they have for sale or barter would be pie tins, doily and frilly fabrics and drawings of "the English" enjoying funnel cake. That's where YOU are wrong. Because on a recent visit there, I found the proof. A good ole' fashion Richard M. Nixon shower nozzle (see picture above).

I'm sure its not too late to have this baby shipped overnight for your lady at the RNC. Go for it.

In case you want to call and see if the Nixon is still there, the phone number is: 717-442-8805.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

There is a campaign to eliminate the use of a certain word from usage in our language. I stumbled upon it today. I think it's time that everyone make the pledge. That's when I'll proudly step in and give the world five new choice replacements. A synonym if you will. And you can trust me that I just won't replace the first letter with a "W". That would be too easy.

Piper Palin Licks Hand Video I believe is going to be the title of this DVD when it hits the stores. Although I'd prefer: Trig - the Wet Down. The following is a clip and highlight of this memorable event from the 2008 Republican National Convention when young Piper Palin licked her hand then used it to style her brother's hair.

(Warning: Alaskan grooming habits may be shocking to residents of the continental United States).

BREAKING NEWS: The famous blogger "Anonymous" who leaves comments on this blog, Falwless's and others has started his own blog.

You might remember his hysterical comments in the comments section of this blog. One comment was a rant about "Bubble Up.".... - parts of it inspired me to write an original post about Bubble Up? Some claim I lifted it word for word. It's so long ago - who really remembers? I for one don't. It's like if one caveman accidentally made fire and stood around like a dope and the other resourceful fella' actually decided to do something with it - like BBQ a saber-toothed tiger over it.

Hello my fellow Americans. As you know, I've tossed my hat - a multicolored sombrero with kickass 3 foot peacock feather into the presidential arena. That's right, like L and S, I like to do it my (our) way. I could announce, like a fool , a running mate. Instead, I need three running mates. Yup. Double the pleasure - plus 1 (that's what she said).

Please leave your suggestion for running mates in the comments. They may be considered. On the short list so far are Chim-Chim, Charo and Buddy Hacket.

In the mean time, go to the post below to see the amazing story - in video format - about my 2008 run for the whitehouse.

I thought the opening day of school in the West Chester Area School District would be a good time to start TBY Confession Mondays. The theme of today's confession?:

Accidents in school. Here's mine:

In 1st grade, at Ithan Elementary School in Wayne, PA (Radnor Township School District). I wet my pants. As it happened, the kids around me stared with curiosity and pulled their desks away. The teacher was good with discreetly shuffling me off to the nurse.

The next day, nobody said anything except for this one jerk who was stopping older kids in the hall and saying, "He wet his pants. HEY. He wet his pants."

Monday, September 1, 2008

So I'm doing my Labor Day pre-party warm up of watching Lawrence Welk videos and I stumble across the most curious thing. Remember that great game I invented that's going to be in stores soon? You know, Words, Voice Motions? Well, one of the examples I use in the game is called "Feathering" (as in feathering/lightly tickling the scrotum/nads).

Well guess what, at about 32 seconds into this video, Bobby performs this exact "motion" on Cissy King chin. Could any of you lawyers out there tell me if I may have a case?

Whenever I write a song that's gonna try and help me pick up the ladies, I write a singing part in for a friend. Kind of like how the Flight of the Conchords do in this song called "If You're Into It." (Although the theme is VERY similar to Tenacious D's "Double Team").