Many child-rearing books focus almost exclusively on children. Childhood mental-health professionals Kashani, Mehregany and Allan and writer Kelly base this densely packed, informative handbook on the novel premise that happy families begin with happy parents, however. The first chapter succinctly enumerates the traits of happy parents as well as ""Mistakes that Create Family Unhappiness."" Indeed this and the other chapters in Part One, ""Laying the Groundwork for a Happy Family,"" form just as much a self-help and marital manual as a parenting guide, giving a profound new meaning to the term ""family values."" Part Two, ""Parenting Wisely from Day to Day,"" offers wise advice on subjects ranging from building a child's self-esteem to limiting TV viewing and paying an allowance (which, the authors believe, should not be contingent on chores being done). Given that ""almost one in every five adolescents is impaired with a psychiatric condition,"" parts three and four offer an encyclopedic listing of mental and familial disorders, along with information on dealing with mental-health workers and an extensive bibliography. This is a first-rate reference with a refreshing, healthy point of view. (Jan.)