Who Are These People?

Problem Girl - SAHM, birth mother, adoptive mother, former foster mother, surrogate mother x3, chocoholic and all around swell gal. Is not afraid to use the word "poop" in a serious discussion.Jesse - Hard working family man who takes more of a beating here than he probably deserves. Thinks jackalopes are real.Joseph - Precocious twelve year old who's going to change the world someday with his Aspie super powers. Writes 115 page long fanfic epics.Elle - Feisty, bossy, sassy, adorable, opinionated, sweet six year old lovebug. Will hate us someday for spelling her name in a way that makes everyone mispronounce it.

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Saturday, July 16, 2011

When we went to California last year we spent a day at the San Diego zoo. It must have been the annual "Weird Guys Get In Free" day because every five minutes Jesse and I were having to look at each other with eyes that seemed to say "Oh my god, did you see what that guy just did?!?"

There was a family reading the bible as they walked from exhibit to exhibit. ("Look children! These are the wild boars. These are one of five animals mentioned by name in the bible. Oh look! I opened my bible to exactly the right page! What a blessing!* Let's read shall we?) There was a guy who kept trying to introduce the animals to his daughter. (Koala! Koala! Look over here koala! This is Ella! Say hi to Ella! Koala! Look over here at Ella! Look koala! Ella!") There was the guy who tried to imitate animal noises and when he got the the kangaroos he yelled "HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP" until a zoo keeper came out and told him to stop.

The weirdest though was a guy standing next to me looking at the lions. There was a whole crowd gathered around because a lioness was right up against the glass and everyone was trying to look at her. The guy next to me did this non-stop running monologue that went something like this: "WOW! Look at that! Would you just look at that beautiful bitch lion! What a gorgeous bitch! I've never seen a bitch lion this close before! How amazing! The bitch lions never come this close to the glass! It's so rare to see the bitch lions like this! What a beautiful bitch she is!"

He said it enough that I started to question if maybe I was wrong in thinking a female lion was called a lioness so I pulled out my phone and googled "is a female lion called a bitch" and then the internet said "it's a lioness dumbass" and I felt stupid. But not as stupid as the guy calling the lioness a "bitch lion".

Bitch, please.

*I think it was less a blessing and more of the fact that the had a bookmark holding his place.

People lose their minds at the zoo. I remember when Sam was, like, six months old, my mother's group went to the zoo and I was all, "Look, Sam, look at the giraffe," and "Look, Sam, that's a flamingo! A flamingo!" like an idiot because clearly the zoo was enriching his life when he was a tiny baby.