This weekend poor Pippa Middleton was forced to relinquish her Daily Mail Girl of the Moment crown, when she managed to rile the tabloid by committing the cardinal sin of wearing green to a wedding: an act, which, the Fail points out, is “traditionally associated with bad luck”.

The Mail have charged Pippa with, not one, but TWO crimes of fashion:

1. Wearing green to a wedding: outlawed as described above

2. Wearing high heels to the same wedding. According to the Mail, “the aristocratic set consider heels unsightly at weddings. Only kitten-heeled shoes are deemed acceptable in the country.”

Our eyes are rolling so much right now they’re in danger of dropping right out of our heads.

To address the first point: we thought we’d heard all of the “bad luck” stories associated with colours and weddings, but “never wear green” somehow managed to pass us by. A quick Google search reveals that brides be crazy, there are all kinds of superstitions associated with weddings – so much so that we’re now REALLY glad we’re not superstitious, because it must be exhausting going through life like that, seriously. On the subject of wearing green, however, we learned that it’s considered bad luck for the BRIDE to wear green, unless it’s an Irish wedding, in which case it’s OK for the bride to wear green, but bad luck for anyone else to wear green. Are you following this? Some people, however, also believe it’s bad luck for ANYONE to wear green at a wedding, although opinions differ on whether it’s the newly wedded couple who will be cursed, or the person wearing the green. Or perhaps just passers-by, or the vicar’s cat, or something. Seriously, our brief journey into the world of weddings and superstitions has left our heads spinning, and NOTHING would surprise us now. NOTHING.

(The Chief of Police would just like to take a quick moment here to apologise to all of the couples whose marriages are now doomed because she wore green to their weddings. She is sorry. She is also now wearing a tinfoil helmet and living inside a special padded room, just in case it’s HERSELF she’s doomed in this way. Fashion: so much more dangerous and complicated than you might think!)

Anyway, our point here: we think Pippa’s probably fine. Unless it was the wedding of a particularly superstitious couple, we doubt they’re seriously upset by this so-called “faux pas”, so we’re not going to bother arresting Pippa for committing it. Whew!

On the “high heels are unsightly” thing: meh. Whatevs. We’re most definitely not aristocrats, so we have no idea whether they do, indeed, have a “only wear kitten heels in the country, dahlink,” rule, but we’ve never really considered kitten heels to be “sightly” anywhere, so we’re happy to completely ignore this one, too. (OK, we guess if you were “in the country” in the sense of “wading through fields”, then you won’t want to be wearing heels. But given that this is a wedding, we feel safe in assuming that it didn’t take place in a farmer’s field, and no heels were damaged.)

What do you think, though, jurors? Have you heard of the “never wear green to a wedding” rule? Would you obey it, if you have? What about high heels in the country? Fashion faux pas, or yet another ridiculous fashion rule which was made to be broken?