"G rilling should be fun," says Pat Neely. "You're sitting out on the patio furniture, you've got the music going—if you're running around like crazy, something's not right."

Neely should know: Along with his wife, Gina, and his three brothers, he runs the award-winning restaurant Neelys Bar-B-Que in Memphis, TN. In 2007, the eatery was featured by Paula Deen's sons Jamie and Bobby on their TV show, Road Tasted. Soon after, Pat and Gina were offered their own show, Down Home with the Neelys, which had one of the highest-rated debuts ever on the Food Network.

In 2009, with the show in its fifth season, Pat and Gina decided to collect their recipes in a cookbook, also called Down Home with the Neelys. "We have all these great recipes from both sides of our families," says Gina. "Some of them have been featured on the show, but some are just what we cook for our kids at home. We wanted to share them all with our readers." The book includes well-loved Memphis-style barbecue dishes from their restaurant, but also family favorites such as Gina's grandmother's peach and blackberry cobbler. "We both grew up with a tradition of family cooking," says Pat. "My grandparents had a garden, and my grandfather was a hunter, so they'd always have fresh vegetables and game on the table." "We like to make things our own," pipes in Gina. "We're definitely carrying on the tradition of good old Southern cooking, but we'll also make things a bit simpler, more streamlined—more realistic for today's working couples."

Epicurious asked Pat and Gina to create a menu from their cookbook for a family barbecue, and they responded with strong opinions. "There are certain staples you have to have at a barbecue," says Gina. "Especially on the big grilling weekends—Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day—you'd lose guests if you didn't serve things like ribs." Click on the recipes at right, and see below for their tips on hosting ultimate backyard barbecue.

cookout tips:

Collaborate

"Having a barbecue is about slowing things down, spending time with family, and just relaxing," says Gina. This is a lot easier if there's more than one host, but it helps to have clearly defined roles. "I decide what meat we'll be serving, and then I let Pat do his thing," says Gina. "He's the grill master." She cooks the side dishes and arranges everything for serving. "She makes it look nice," says Pat.

Prep in Advance

"Once we decide what we're serving, I go through and figure out what can be done ahead," says Gina. "For this menu, Pat would trim and season the meat and make the barbecue sauce the night before, and I'd make the potato salad (minus the arugula) and the cornbread." The next morning, Gina will get up early to finish other tasks, such as baking the cobbler, preparing the bean salad, and setting everything up so it's ready to go on the grill. At the last minute, she'll toss the potato salad with the arugula. "This means that when guests arrive, you're relaxed, not running around. You can make yourself a drink and spend time with your guests, actually enjoying your own barbecue."

For his part, Pat knows that he'll be cooking during the party, so he arranges the patio so he can hang out and tend to the grill at the same time. "Have some chairs by the grill so you can talk to people and keep an eye on the food at the same time," he advises.

Make Things Comfortable

If what you want is a fun, lazy afternoon of eating, drinking, and catching up with family and friends, make sure that your outdoor space is comfortable. "In hot weather, be sure that there are plenty of shaded areas," cautions Gina, "and have lots of cool drinks on hand." Pat and Gina often feature a signature cocktail at their barbecues. "It keeps things simple," she says. "You don't have to buy the ingredients for a full bar. We like to serve something like a Hurricane, which is a fun, fruity summer drink that people will love." They mix up a big batch ahead of time and let guests serve themselves from a pitcher or cooler.

Know Your Meat

The centerpiece of this menu are the smoky, tender Memphis-style spare ribs that have made the Neelys' restaurant famous. They're the product of years of Neely brothers experience, but novices shouldn't be intimidated by barbecue. "I didn't know that much when I started," Pat says. "You learn as you go along." His tips for moist, flavorful ribs: The night before, trim off the tough outer membrane and the brisket bone and massage in the seasoning rub. The next day, cook the ribs over low, slow heat (preferably charcoal with soaked hickory chips on top) for about three-and-a-half hours. Don't neglect the grill—as Gina says, "Never stray, baby"—but try not to open the lid too often while the ribs are cooking, or you'll let out the essential moisture and smoke. The ribs are done when the slab is flexible and the meat easily pulls away from the bone.