FROM JERRY LEWIS TO A DOUBLE P.S.

By Bob LeveyDecember 8, 1987

It was a homecoming of sorts for Jean Donnelly Maclay of Fort Washington. The last time she entered a contest, the idea was to explain why comedian Jerry Lewis was wonderful. "I was a 16-year-old baby sitter," Jean said, "but I still remember what I sent in."

And why not? Jean won first prize with this 25-words-or-less composition:

"Of all great comedians witty and wise/Jerry Lewis outshines the other guys/His antics make the public giggle/He's more famous than Monroe's wiggle."

That was many baby-sitting jobs ago. But last month, when Jean entered my neologism contest for the first time, she showed she hasn't lost her touch.

The November challenge was:

What do you call it when you put mail in a mailbox, close the lid, then immediately reopen it to be sure the mail went down?

Jean's winning answer:

U.S.P.S.P.S.

That's the first time initials have won our word-making contest, and it's the first time a schoolteacher has walked off with first prize.

Nor is this just any schoolteacher. Jean has taught in D.C. public schools for the last 25 years. She is taking this year off, and says she's contemplating a try at the Great American Novel. If she writes as well as she enters contests, Mailer and Hemingway better look out.

Jean had to look out for an unusually strong crop of Almosts and Nearlies, which were right on her heels this month. They were:

Very nice! And now, to carry you through the holidays in neologistic splendor, we offer up the December challenge:

The father is reading his newspaper in the den. The young child approaches. "Daddy," he or she says, "where do babies come from?" The Daddy puts down his newspaper, chokes softly and replies, "Go ask your mother." This phenomenon is called . . . .

You may not get an answer to the child's burning question if you win the contest, since Levey is still trying to figure out the answer himself. But you will get a free lunch at a restaurant of your choice inside or reasonably near the Beltway. Levey, naive soul that he is, will be there to pass the sugar.

The rules are the same as always: You may enter as often as you like, on one piece of paper or several. Entries become my property. They will not be accepted by phone or returned. All entries must bear the creator's daytime and evening phone numbers. In case of duplicate entries, the winner will be the one that's postmarked earliest.

December entries must be postmarked by Jan. 1. The mailing address is Bob Levey, The Washington Post, Washington, D.C., 20071.

CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL

Longtime followers of our annual fund-raising campaign know that I'll take Children's bucks anyplace I can get them. But until Joe Pensinger swung into action, I had never before gotten $5 from a guy with a case of the guilties.

Joe is one of the honchos in our circulation department. He got a letter recently that was addressed to:

THE WASHINGTON POST, TO THE HEAD MAN, MR. JOSEPH PERSINGER, CIRC.

When Joe opened it, two pieces of paper fluttered out. One was a $5 bill. The other was this letter:

"Dear Paper Man:

"When I was a child, I used to steal money off the paper stand on New Jersey Avenue SE and I want to pay you back $5 what I took and I am sorry that I took it.

"(Signed) M. B. J."

There's no indication of how many years have gone by since the thief did his thieving. But to guess from the shakiness of the handwriting, it has been a while.

Joe didn't take a while to figure out what to do with the money. He promptly sent it to me, to kick into the Children's kitty. I've duly done that. Many thanks to Joe for thinking of sick kids -- and the same to M.B.J. for turning guilties into goodies.

TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE CAMPAIGN:

Make a check or money order payable to Children's Hospital and mail it to Bob Levey, The Washington Post, Washington, D.C., 20071.