where there is love there is life

I skipped Fred’s Tuesday night and climbed into bed before 8:00. The next morning, I was the first to wake only to find a video message on my phone from the night before that I had missed. I poured my coffee and sat down in my dark kitchen to watch. I hit play and instantly recognized the smiling faces that appeared on my screen, disco ball lights twirling behind them. My friends from Fred’s.

“Hi, I love you!” Janice beams into the camera.“I love you too, honey!” Matt yells from the side.Stephanie hollers from the middle of the crowd, the reflection of the recording phone visible from her glasses, “Wishing you the best! We love you and miss you! Please have that baby!” They are smiling and waving and can barely stop dancing enough to stay still for the video.

I wipe tears and smile, hitting the play button again. How much these friends have taught me about love.

Saturday evening, I attended our local Civitan Club’s Valentine’s Day Dance for adults with special needs for the second year in a row. It was a lot different this year. I know these friends now. I’ve danced with so many of them for months at Fred’s, and I am slowly but surely being desensitized to feelings that used to pulse blatantly within–feelings like “this isn’t what I dreamed my kid’s future would look like.” Truth is, it isn’t. And if I wanted to, I could let that realization bear its weight so heavily on my heart that I’d miss everything else I noticed at that dance.

There will always be sensitivities, always be moments of sadness where I listen to and acknowledge the voice within that says “this is hard.” Because there is no doubt, being present at that dance, that I understand this road will be challenging. There’s no doubt that these friends’ mamas have cried rivers over the years, have watched their children struggle to make friends, have fought hard and made sacrifices just so their children can enjoy Valentine’s Day together, at a dance in a church gymnasium.

But there is also no doubt that they’ve learned something about love that stretches deeper than any card could ever express.

I noticed everything Saturday night. I wanted to, and so I took pictures and recorded video and told myself to look for all the hidden things that would teach me more about love.

Like the way some friends arrive to the church at 3, just to sit quietly at a table until 5 when the dance actually starts. Or the way Jamie jumps out and starts dancing by herself, without any music. The way Nottie and Jeremy hold hands the entire night because they are in love. I watch Todd and Christine accept their crowns as King and Queen of the dance, and I cry as they proudly walk through their procession, friends clapping by their side. I laugh every time Ron makes his rounds through the gym, stopping at our table, asking the same questions every time. And when Matt begs me to dance and I jokingly tell him I’m taking it easy, the baby could be born on the dance floor, we all laugh as he rolls his eyes and says “Oh my God, that’s so not going to happen.”

I smile as high school students humbly serve these precious friends, and I think to myself that every teenager needs to do this–needs to be here, serving, dancing, learning. I watch as the girl who bags my groceries–the one who’s always shy and quiet–comes alive in a way I’ve never seen on the dance floor. I marvel at the love they all have for each other. They look out for each other, these friends–they’ve been in this together for quite some time now. I see girls that remind me of what Nella might be like at 25 or 30 and I study their moves, their smiles, their confidence.

And I know that I still have so much to learn about love. But this is a really good place to discover it.

What an amazing video. Looks like everyone had lots of fun and lots of love. You and Nella have so much to look forward to! In the very near future, another adoring brother for your girls. Wishing lots of love at the Hampton house this year.

I just love this, I always have mixed feelings at our DSFA events, especially when interacting with the adults with DS, I have both excitement and fear when I think of the years to come. Sam just turned 5 and the gap with him and his peers is starting to grow each day but I am learning to embrace the gap. I have to remember that it is not an empty gap, it is a gap filled with love, like you said I just have to look for it. We have quite a journey ahead but who doesn’t! Happy day of LOVE!

We can all learn a whole lot from these beautiful souls! Their confidence and ability to just BE is so inspiring Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your lovely family! Anxiously awaiting for the arrival of your newest little love! xo

Kelle, I think the fact that you are choosing to see the love in this room and balance it with the fears that all of us have for our children, regardless of their abilities, is such a blessing. Your journey is unique to you. Thank you for sharing it, heavy hearted moments and all. Happy Valentines Day.

Tuesday night my kids and I attended a high school basketball game. It was pretty packed. There was an older man with Down syndrome sitting off by himself. Without hesitation I went and sat next to him. He turned to me and smiled and I introduced myself and shook his hand. He was so sweet, we made small talk. Maybe I made his night, maybe I didn’t. Maybe someone noticed our encounter and thought “hey maybe I should do that too sometime.” Maybe not. Maybe my kids took notice, again maybe not.

What matters is I wouldn’t have done that 5 years ago, not because I’m mean, but because I wouldn’t THINK to go to someone sitting alone in a packed gym.

I’m glad I think of it now. Thanks for sharing your story and encouraging people to do more.

WOW!! Now that is a true testament of love. I really needed to read this today and get back to the heart of “love” Today isn’t about cards, candies, flowers, commercialized sensations of who got what and who got the best gift..it’s just about love. Any shape, form, color or size, love is the perfect fit for everyone!!

Where there is not an active, vibrant community like this, I think we have to be proactive and get it going!!! I love the cheerleaders and teens being involved. I think that does much to take away the fear.My daughter with a dev. disability is 10, and our family has been blessed beyond belief with the love evident here. Thank you for sharing it!

A beautiful room filled with beautiful hearts! Down Syndrome is a Blessing, and your new little baby boy is so incredibly lucky to be blessed with you and your enormous capacity to love- Anxiously awaiting little boy!!!! Happy Happy Valentine’d Day to all your loves and to you!

Kelle,I read your blog daily and today, it brought tears to my eyes. I will send photos soon of my sweet aunt who will be 50 this summer!! I think my life has been truly blessed having her be a part of it. She has taught me love beyond what I thought possible, as this experience is teaching you as well. I am 31 and have lived with her as if she is my sister for 25 years (less my time in college) and I am so thankful that my daughter, who is 1, gets to bond with her as I have. Happy Valentine’s Day to you & yours today!!

I’ve been following your blog now for nearly a year and have maybe commented once before, but I couldn’t resist the urge to comment today. Your video literally brought tears to my eyes. Tears of joy and love. It is so beautiful and you are very inspiring. You’re little Nella is gorgeous and so lucky to have you as her mommy. Happy Valentine’s day!

I’m sitting in my car bawling over your video and your beautiful perspective and honesty. You sre such an example that, no matter what we are walking through, “it’s gonna be a good life” as long as we choose to see it that way! Thank you Kelle!

Kelle….Happy Valentine’s Day!! ;-DI feel the need to share you a story. A couple years ago, somebody we knew had a beautiful baby girl–unexpectedly, like you–with Down Syndrome. My Dad wrote her Daddy an e-mail. He said that we would have never chosen for his son to have Down Syndrome. But. In the long run, he has been such a blessing!! Such a blessing. 😉 –Raelyn

Beautiful video Kelle! I love your blog and how much you actually live your life. I grew up with a sister who has cerebral palsy so I was often around people with disabilities and I remember when I was little going to my sisters school and the autistic children were always the friendliest the first to run up to me, to hug, hold my hand always ready to be my friend. It’s always made me think that they have it right and we are the ones that are suffering with a disability, always worrying what others think, insecure, timid at times. Autistic children and adults don’t see any differences they just love everyone. This video brought tears to my eyes and so many memories back, thank you!

Okay, now you have me bawling. Just sent to my two at college and my junior in high school to watch. Want them to read your beautiful words and video and see what love is…also thought they could pick up a dance move or two. Happy Valentines Day!!!

Darn you Kelle…It is two days in a row now that I have sat at my desk crying while reading your blog. You know how to bring it out. I loved that video…nothing but joy there. We moved to a new neighborhood 2 years ago. Our son was 3 and our daughter an infant. Almost every evening a pair of bicycle riders circled thru our culdesac. It is a father (probably well into his 60’s or 70’s) and his adult son Douglas who has Downs Syndrome. Douglas is friendly and so very very inquisitive. He wanted to stop to talk any time we were out…but I could tell his dad thought he might be bothering us and would hurry him along. so I made sure I waved one day and opened up the opportunity for him to stop. Oh what a sweetheart he is. And my son loves him. He doesn’t see anything other than who Douglas is…just Douglas…as God intended him to be. I am lucky that I got to work in a school for special needs kids when I was in my early 20’s. I got to see first hand the love and joy of those kids. I love that Douglas is a small part of our days. I love that my son will have this experience of seeing the person before society places the labels in his brain. I loved seeing those teenagers and cheerleaders dancing. I’m sure it will give them more of a compassionate perspective because of that wonderful experience.hugs….hope you are holding your baby boy in your arms soon.kd

I’m a blog reader but have never commented BUT when I read this post I had to! My 16 year old daughter volunteers every Thursday night at our local Developmental Center and has a deep deep love for the men and women she serves. She has formed friendships and is always sharing stories of the great things she gets to experience while she’s there. She wants to major in Special Education in college and she lights up whenever she talks about her future career. I think it is so wonderful that high school students are able to have oppotunities like this…and YOU are amazing.

Kelly –thank you! For all that you do! This set me crying on Valentine’s Day morn… and HEY!, that’s ok! Love is the main character in that video! Unabashed free expression!What a good way to begin a day… feeling like the world is good, and we are all different and LOVE is all we need! <3sharinicsevic@att.net

This is just too good for words. Your words and this video – so precious. I cried but not because I was sad, but because I could feel the happiness radiating through! Simply amazing. Happy Valentines Day!

I’m a Special Olympics head coach and recently one of our athlete’s came home from the world games and about 50 people came to meet him at the airport. He was SO excited to see everyone – but by passed every single one of us (and the 3 TV Crews and NEwspapers) to ask his girlfriend to go on a date with him in a few days. This was after 40+ hours of travelling! Regardless of the fact that I’m almost 38 weeks pregnant, I bauled like a baby at it, it was such a great moment!! That video made me smile thank you for sharing!!

Kelle,I absolutely love this blog and your talent for writing. This post hit my emotions right on. I am 23 years old, and have a 12 year old brother with DS. I have learned more about love from him than I have from anything else. Living this life has its challenges, but they are SO WORTH IT for the rewards. I only wish that every person has the chance to feel that kind of love. Thank you for your honest expression of emotions and the love that you have for the small (and big) things. Much love to you and your beautiful family, Happy Valentine’s Day!!

If you ever find yourself in Chicago on a Wednesday night, you need to visit the adult group at Gigi’s Playhouse. There is so much talent in those four walls, so much joy. My daughter has a typical amount of chromosomes, and I hope that her life will be as full as the people I serve by running this group. I feel so honored to even be a part of their lives.

LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! Next time I’m in Naples, I’m heading to Fred’s!!! Thanks, Kelle, for taking the video! I love and agree 100% that all high school kids should be so lucky to have the opportunity to meet and interact with these extra-ordinary people!! So much love in that room, I’m surprised the roof didn’t pop off!!

My daughter is beginning to look at Grad School to study Pediatric Physical Therapy. She has had to do a number of shadows to make sure it is what she wants. After her latest, in a elementary school, she said “have you ever gone to a job and felt like it was created just for you”? When I read you blog, you job as Nella’s mom was created just for you!

Kelle, that was so beautiful. I have a cousin that was born with cerebral palsy. He is funny, endearing, playful & smart. If everyone could experience life with these special souls they too would be desensitized to the stigma unfairly surrounding them.You are doing your part in allowing us to fall head over heels in love with Nella. May each family know that love has no bounds.

I met Matt the other day bumped into him and recognized him from your Instagram! I think he felt pretty special that he has a friend like you, he told me you write and I was like dude she has like a million followers…to him you are just kelle who likes to get her dance on at Fred’s!

I have been following your blog for about 6 months now and have to say, YOU and YOUR honesty have changed me…in ways I never dreamed I needed to be changed. I bought your book via Kindle and saved it for a recent trip from NC to OK. I am sure on all 3 plane rides that day that those around me must have thought I was crazy…openly crying one minute and laughing out loud, really loud, the next. Keep writing…you & your family are changing the world, one follower at a time. May your labor and delivery be a blessed experience!

The joy of everyone in that video had my computer moving along with them as I watched. But your words that described this post and how we should all strive to be in our love for one another is even more magical. Kelle, I can not say this enough how much you are inspiring me!! THANK YOU SO MUCH and wishing you, Nella, Lainey, Brett and baby Fox the best Valentine’s Day!! xoxo Mich

Yep I am one of those readers who reads and never writes… but today I am moved to write. Thank you for sharing what you ‘saw’ the other night, and thank you for your honesty in sharing your thoughts both last year and this. I cried. I too am learning about love, and sometimes it is overwhelming, but always it is amazing. My wish for my little boy is that he too will have many friends and connections with openminded people who are willing to see him for who he is. My wish for myself is that I will grow to be a role model who inspires others to share the love and be openminded and accepting. Thank you so much for your inspiration in this x

My 15-year-old daughter volunteers every Thursday night with the Special needs ministry at our church. She agrees with every thing you say here — she values her time there above all her other activities!! Her brothers (she is a triplet) have Cerebral Palsy. They are different from the adults she works with — their disabilities limited to their physical motor skills — and yet, I understand everything you say here. I walk into that room to pick her up and feel blessed, loved and some sorrow for the hard that is the reality my boys face. Thanks, Kelle, for sharing!

Great video! Tears just watching all of the love and acceptance. There were some good moves on that floor…a litltle dirty dancing even! Many blessings to you and your family as you wait for your little boy!

this makes me heart feel so huge – such a special time & moments. i was already crying – glad i turned down the music – that was making it even more difficult. wow. so great!!

i had a special friend at church that i always ask my parents about – his parents are elderly & i wonder who will take care of him as he continues to age – he always remembered my name & gave me a wave. very friendly. so special. ( :

i have tears in my eyes, so glad to have your blog in my life. As mama’s we open our arms to our children and just do our best to guide and nourish what comes. You never know what comes, nor could we imagine what it would be like. There is magic in it all. x

Thankyou for sharing this video. I always cry at moments captured like this, not because it is sad, but because I see these individuals on their own journey and think about their parents who have supported them and that’s when I feel the pang in my heart, being the parent of a child with a disability. I relate to the parents journey .

Watched the whole thing. Started tearing up before I even started it. Thank you for capturing love in this way. It’s in your words. It’s in who you caught on video. It’s beautiful. I saw the girl that looks like Nella. She was in the red dress with the blond flipped up hair. I can see it. Hard at times I’m so sure…but you are doing great friend.

Thankyou for sharing the joy!!! I have enjoyed reading your posts for the past 2 years. My daughter Molly ( 9) has DS.

I loved that this video gave me peak into her future.

As we met with our investment planner last evening to fund a special needs trust, I felt so overwhelmed by the future and the uncertainty…this video was just what I needed. The future feels brighter… we are all in this together.

I also I loved the post that Amy wrote today about being purposeful in her actions to sit my the man at the basketball game…

Awareness= Compassion. Thanks for opening your heart to teach others and make them aware of are kiddos.

That completely made my Valentines Day, was one of the most beautiful videos i have ever seen. i recently read your story, and then had to go to your blog and devour every word and picture of it. When i started reading your blogs before Nella, they were wonderful, but post Nella, i heard such a beautiful shift in your soul, you get it, you get the true meaning of so much, something i can only pray for. you are a beautiful soul and i love reading your posts. and your photography, well i can’t say enough to even begin to compliment you on your pictures. thank you for sharing your life, it has made me re-look a lot of pieces of mine… Ann Badaglia

Kelle-You are so lucky! Not everyone gets to see a glimpse into their children’s future. Did you see what I saw? I saw love, friendship, guys and girls dressed to the nines! I saw happiness, laughter, whispers shared between BFF and awesome food. I saw girls who had shopped for the perfect outfit and accessories and guys who probally had a little too much cologne on. You got to take a little peek! Remember this!

Your video brought tears of joy and love to my eyes! I recently lost my VERY “special” girl way too early and I know a lot about what true love is. It is a love that my daughter taught me every second in her short 6 years.

I never comment on here, but you amaze me. Nella could not have asked for a better mother. What a beautiful match you two make. And congratulations on the baby Dash!! Just saw that on Instagram and brought tears to my eyes. Enjoy it to it’s fullest, as I’m sure you will. Here’s to your happiest Valentine’s Days from here on out!!!

In tears over the video. As the mom of 2 children with Down Syndrome(1 with significant medical needs), I want THIS for them. I want love and laughter and friends. Such joy and beauty…thank you for sharing this.

Kelle–On those days when you are saying to yourself, “this is hard” I recommend watching this clip from Will and Grace. Life for many of us is incredibly difficult, as you are well aware, but my family always incorporates Nurse Trainee Pittman into our most difficult moments and we find ourselves laughing until we practically passout.

I love this so much… I have cerebral palsy, and being born with a disability has been the BIGGEST blessing. I would never change it, because it has opened up my world to so many amazing people! Two of my closest friends have DS. They are treasures. I now work as a support worker with adults with a variety of disabilities, and we go together to a camp for a week each summer, and wednesday nights are always dance party nights– it’s my hands down favourite night of the entire year. so much joy and love packed into one room. This video makes me so excited for the upcoming dance all over again There’s one gentleman, Bruce, who has DS, the bluest eyes and snow white hair, and he is the ultimate ladies man. He asks to “have this dance” and then proceeds to sing “Love Me Tender” to whoever his partner is– needless to say we all compete to dance with him! It just mets me into a puddle every time. beautiful. Thank you for this, and congratulations on your new baby!

ya know, in a society where most people love with 10% of their heart and judge, hate, stress, and rush with the other 90% i am always refreshed and can’t not smile when i see sweet souls like the ones here.. they know what life is about. no time to hate and worry and need to fit in or be what someone expects of them. they love everyone. all the time. we should all take notes from your Fred’s friends.

This post is particularly meaningful to me. I have to commend you for your commitment to showing folks who are differently-abled at all ages and stages of life. As the mother of a 17 year old multiply disabled and severely cognitively impaired daughter, I often wonder – where are the families like mine? Where are the kids like mine? It’s like, the media is saturated with images when they are little kids but after they turn say 10 or so, they seem to vanish. All these kids grow up, and I love the way you have celebrated these kids who grow up and allow the world to see and know how special they are too