if his clothes and posessions are in your house/apartment, if he is there 100% of the time, if he is receiving mail at that address, if he has the financial means to do so.....then HECK YES he should pay half of the rent

rnch saidif his clothes and posessions are in your house/apartment, if he is there 100% of the time, if he is receiving mail at that address, if he has the financial means to do so.....then HECK YES he should pay half of the rent

With my late partner I transferred the same amount to him each month, that covered my half of all household expenses, or a little more. I was busy at the university, while he was retired and home all day, so paying the bills became his job, which he really seemed to like. And I hate dealing with money anyway. We didn't co-mingle our bank accounts for legal reasons in that State.

With my current partner I pay certain recurring bills, like satellite TV, car & hurricane insurance (both very high in south Florida), phone & Internet service, and also car maintenance, vacation trips, major purchases, all the routine stuff. He usually pays for his car's gas (but no car payments, I bought it new for him cash), our groceries, restaurant & bar bills, property taxes, countless incidentals. He already owned this place with no mortgage payments when we met, and he's willed it to me, but I still in my own mind consider my living here to be saving me money, and I view that value to me as part of his household contribution.

So that once again, this all roughly comes out to about 50/50, but we don't keep a strict tally, which I don't think partners should do. It's enough to know that each of us "pulls his own weight." But BFs or roommates might keep tighter tabs on their individual contributions.

Are you making the same income? Then yes. Otherwise you each pay an amount proportionately, unless the rent is low enough it can be split 50/50 without cleaning out the BF's paycheck. It's a romantic and loving partnership, right?

meninlove said Are you making the same income? Then yes. Otherwise you each pay an amount proportionately, unless the rent is low enough it can be split 50/50 without cleaning out the BF's paycheck. It's a romantic and loving partnership, right?

-Doug

I just got out of a LTR where I provided a home for my ex for 20 years.I don't want to ever do that again but damn it's happening again. Love should be separate from support.

mixtape saidIf you want the marriage and the rights that come with it like heterosexuals have, then start acting like it- pool your money together as one and start fighting about who is spending too much.

mixtape saidIf you want the marriage and the rights that come with it like heterosexuals have, then start acting like it- pool your money together as one and start fighting about who is spending too much.

And don't forget to hire rentboys with the money.

I meant start acting like a regular heterosexual married couple, not a heterosexual congressman's marriage.

The way I see it: with or without him, I'd still have to cover those costs. I also enjoy the fact it's all "mine," so if anything bad were to happen, it stays mine and there's no fighting over who owes what.

That said, he's very good about treating me to a dinner, or picking up the grocery tab when we shop, and spending what would be disposable income on things for me.

It doesn't bother me, but I can see how some would want their partner to cover their share.

There could be reasons for one paying more than the other. If one is really wealthy, he might out of his own good will and kindness offer to pay more than half, especially if he really likes his roommate. But it should be up to him, if he wants to pay more than half. It should not be demanded of him, just because he is wealthy.

paulflexes saidThis is one of those situations where people get to "sound" shallow, by saying things like "I only date guys who have a stable job, own transportation, and already support themselves."

After having a lazy bf who wouldn't hold a job, I now have that same ideology. Bitch better work and pay his share, or I'll find someone else who will.

I hear ya. I have tried to be non judgmental for 5 months. I have never used the "L" word. Not paying rent is one thing not contributing to maintaining the place is the deal breaker.

Damn, Alpha....you strike me as a guy who deserves way better than that.

There is little excuse for someone to pay absolutely no rent...that's just an unrealistic expectation in life. To then not be contributing to upkeep (when if anything, over-compensating might be warranted) is unconscionable. I think after 5 months of little change, I would start to feel used.

I think a guy should be striving to be your partner, not a leach. It really sounds like your hopes and expectations have been quite reasonable, considering.

Here's hoping the log-jam breaks and he either pulls up his socks or frees

you up to have the calibre of mate you've earned....with a 20 yr LTR und

i think people should contributely equally, but it's not all in quantifiable terms. each couple works this out for themselves.. i've been the larger breadwinner before and was careful not to make an issue of it. i've never let anyone cover things for me because i've never been committed in a lifeterm sense. if i were married, it wouldn't matter.

I guess my position on the matter is different because I equate living together with marriage. In other words, I don't believe in "living together." I've always had my own place. And that won't change unless I get married.

I think it kind of depends on each situation. Obviously, if you're living in a home with a $4,000 a month mortgage and your BF makes $2,500 a month and has his own bills (car loan, school loan, etc.) then the 50/50 thing doesn't work or simply isn't possible. There are things one can contribute in a household that aren't necessarily rent, so you work it out. Maybe one pays the mortgage/rent and the other pays for groceries and utilities, and other expenses. Freeloaders become pretty obvious rather quickly, but if someone is making a contribution to the best of their ability then you can't really ask for more than that.

I would hate to agree with a generic statement like the one Alpha suggests...now let me say, I think a "live in anything" needs to contribute, but circumstances may such that a 50/50 deal may not be possible, but the boyfriend might contribute a much greater extent in some other way... gardening, upkeep, etc.

Would I expect my partner to contribute? Absolutely, but he contributes and he doesn't even live with me! I would hope if I had one living there, they would contribute. Whether it be 50/50 would be up to an agreement of the parties.