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So I was going to post this in the "strangest things you've done in a video game" thread, but I figured that D&D isn't a video game really, and this really can be a thread of it's own. I'm sure there are quite a few D&D players around and the game can get pretty hectic and funny. So to start it all off I guess I’ll tell a fairly short one that happened a while ago.

There are three major characters to this. Fist was a half-Orc barbarian whose name I don’t recall. Second was my Drow rogue who was actually hired to kill the barbarian. And the last was a gnome necromancer with a scythe whose name I also don’t remember. I tried and failed to kill the barbarian by shooting an arrow at him from a roof while he was attending a party. When my arrow missed I escaped unseen and entered into the party instead, deciding to get close to the orc before trying to kill him again. He suspected nothing and soon we found ourselves at a local tavern.

For some reason we decided to drink some black wine; wine so vile and strong that it was illegal and caused you to hallucinate. It did not affect me as badly but the orc was really feeling the effects. Also something important to note, he is apparently afraid of spiders. So after drinking that wine he begins to see things. He turned to the bartender and saw him as a giant spider. Of course he backs up as far as he can and starts freaking out.

Next came the necromancer. He decided that on seeing this orc freaking out and babbling like a madman it was a good idea to pull up his hood, stand in front of him, raise his scythe, and say “It’s time”. The orc saw him a death incarnate, but unfortunately the fear of the spider/bartender was too strong. He wanted out of that bar and death was in his way.

The orc then picked up his axe and the necromancer had only enough time to say “oh fuck” before an axe the size of his entire body (remember he was a gnome) hit him and sent him flying across the bar. The orc then ran out the door and sprinted around the city a little before passing out in the street. All while my rogue just sat there stunned.

Not a very long story there, but I have plenty I can share later. So lets here the best and funniest D&D stories you've got!

Okay... you know that chaotic evil has gone too far when you have a game like this!

My group, in explanation, was mostly evil. I was a teifling blackgaurd, we had a human necromancer, an elf ranger, a dwarf fighter, and a cleric of some god I don't remember (I think it was chithulu).
Anyways, we walk into a tavern. In the center there are a couple of dwarves argueing, so before anyone else can react, our dwarven fighter walks right up, draws a blade, and begins skinning one alive. The other dwarf, and most of the bar, is so baffled that they just stand there. The dwarf who wasn't being skinned quickly drew his axe, but our fighter killed him in one fell slash with his sword.
Now both the dwarves where dead, and the bar was empty save for our group. Our dwarf desides to finish skinning both of his dead kin and sew them into a cloak. He then eats the raw flesh and turns the rest into jerky .

Surely enough the gaurd arrives and tried to arrest him. They are killed easily with the help from the rest of us. Soon after that, we encounter a gnome caravan looking to trade with the town. Our dwarf just slaughters all but one, of whom he keeps as his personal slave. not long after that we come soon a dwarf cleric seeking revenge for the death of the dwarves turned cloak. He summons an angel using lesser plainiar ally, and we fight the angel. It conseads and surrenders before it can be killed. Our dwarf has the wonderful Idea to cut the angel's wings off and magicaly have them grafted into himself. At this point, our party was sick of the dwarf's antics. Being evil, we deside to try to kill the dwarf. Unfortunately, he evaded us by escaping into a nearby swamp. He flies above, and we had to chase him down. He dives headfirst into an underwater cave. Just as we are about to make chase, a black dragon surprises him and splatters the dwarf on the ground. Unfortunately, the dragon then turns to us. Being nearly spent chasing down our evil ally, we are wiped out by the dragon. Only I survive, convincing the dragon that it needs a "servant". I managed to raise the necromancer as a zombie... but eventually we ended it.

If anyone can top that, I'd love to see it.

I once asked God for a bike, but I know that's not how God works. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I'm personally not very big on games like D&D and do not play them. Personal preference. Still though, I've somehow managed to get a D&D story of my own that you guys might find amusing.

Back in the town where I grew up and went to high school and all that I had a buddy who was into RPG's of all kinds. He played D&D with some people whom I sort of knew in passing, mostly in name only. He invited me to join their game and I politely declined. A while later he asked again, and I said no. This went on for a few weeks where he'd ask every couple weeks and I'd tell him I didn't want to until I eventually caved and said I'd join in.

"I want to be a dragon," I said when it came to create my character.

"You can't be a dragon," my friend replied.

"It's right there in the name," I argued. "Dungeons and Dragons."

"Dragons are an elite class that you have to level up into."

I sighed. "Well, what's the closest I can get to being a dragon without being a dragon?"

He flipped one of his many rule books to a page on the Lizardfolk race, which looked like anthro alligators. I said I'd take it, sight unseen. This upset my friend who asked if I was interested in hearing about the race's drawbacks. I told him my character could shit his pants on every turn and I'd still play it because he was a reptile and that was that.

My friend was slowly beginning to realize that I didn't give a damn so when it came time to roll for my stats and I rolled all 15's and up he was visibly upset that I'd be starting with some really good states. Apparently.

He handed me a blank sheet of paper. "You need to draw your character now," he said.

"Really dude? All this?" I replied.

"That's the rules with the people in our campaign, they want visual references of each character."

Great. So this charade I was playing came with homework. Part of me wanted to just double back and quit, but I decided to play this thing through on my own terms. I said I'd get to work on a character reference and bring it to the next meeting. A few days later I show up at the meeting with my sketchbook in hand and introduce myself. Then, I introduce my character whom I elected to draw completely in the nude in all his male glory. Like, with his ding dong showing. I decided to make it prominent, too, because if this was supposed to be my character then I was going to go full-on Corruption of Champions "slightly bigger than what's realistically possible but not quite macro"-sized genitals.

Oh God, such a thread. Through my many years as a avid D&D player, I think I have more then enough scenarios to fill this thread with 10 pages. Anyway xD

Dragonhunter4321 wrote:If anyone can top that, I'd love to see it.

Jeez. If I was DM for that group, I'd just be like:

Dracokon wrote:I decided to make it prominent, too, because if this was supposed to be my character then I was going to go full-on Corruption of Champions "slightly bigger than what's realistically possible but not quite macro"-sized genitals.

I was not invited back to their D&D sessions after that.

Pretty much my litteral reaction to reading that:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now, for one story of my own. Worth of notice is that I almost always create sandbox games where my players are free to roam the world as they please, but every action they take does have a effect in it and very often it can prove costly. Many players are not used to the ammount of freedom a sandbox game gives, and it turns out many cannot handle it

So, this was a rather large group ( 8 players ), and the male woodelf ranger had managed to stir up a really bad scuffle with the female moonelf wizard. He was rude and had little respect for magic and constantly just ran her over, even in times when her knowledge was superior. He endangered the whole group time after another and it started to drive her really mad. So, the group was tracking down a Nerull Death Cult which had almost killed 1 of their party members and made a vampire spawn out of another. However, the vampire responsible for the attacks on the party owned a local magic shop. The group were very afraid of the vampire's powers, so rather than venturing into the shop to hunt it down the ranger decided to... set the whole thing ablaze instead.

The fire quickly spread to the nearby buildings and a panic started to spread in the city. A servant of the vampire, a youngling necromancer, tried to defend her master by summoning a ogre zombie to attack the group. However the wizard cast "control undead" and managed to take over the zombie and then use it and its power in a desperate attempt to keep the fire from spreading. However the fire was now all over the place and they had to escape to survive, thereby leaving the zombie with one last goal: stomp out the fire in every building - and so it did, regardless of the building being populated or not. In the end, they made themselves responsible for the death of 35 citizens and the stomping zombie was eventually stabbed to death by city guardsmen armed with halberds.

But there was a investigation, and the Captain of the Guard quickly found the ranger who had been pointed out to him by several witnesses. The group, at this time so tired of the rangers antics, didnt even try to defend him and let the captain of the guard take him off for trial. Well in jail the ranger tried to convince the guard he was innocent and that it was all the wizards fault. I ruled the roll impossible because the guard had so strong evidence against him, but the phucker rolled a natural 20. Upon requested re-roll, another natural 20. Well fine, I guess I have to give this a chance. So I let the guard roll Sense Motive, and he comes up with a natural 1. I facepalmed so hard in this moment but everyone really wanted me to roll with it.

So the guard ends up freeing the ranger and bringing him to the captain where he re-tells the story. F*ck me if not the guard and the ranger both gets natural 20, and the captain of the guard gets a f*cking natural 1. It ended up with a manhunt for the poor wizard, who got away just in time by a Dimension Door. After that session, the player of the ranger decided to drop the character and make a new one since the group hated his guts