Anxiety and motivation

After an unexpected divorce after 36 years, I found myself alone and on anti-depressants. I bought a small 2 bedroom house and asked my widowed mother to move in with me. That was 5 years ago. We would go shopping, eat out and do things together. Her health has been going downhill the past 2 or 3 years and now I'm her primary caregiver. She has heart problems, renal failure and other complications of being 88 years old. She can be alone during the day when I'm at work, but once I get home, I spend all my time with her. Her eyesight is going, so we don't watch much TV anymore. She can't knit or read books like she used to. All her daytime hours are spent in her recliner. She can get to the bathroom with her walker and to kitchen to grab something premade. My problem is I've lost all interest in doing anything but spending time with Mom. I feel I should be with her as much as possible because she won't be around too much longer. When I sit in the living room with her, I get very anxious and then I don't feel like doing anything else. Her appetite is gone too, so coming up with something for her to eat is a challenge. I have no life outside of going to work and coming home to take care of Mom. I feel consumed with guilt, but I am also scared of life without her around. I had a breakdown when my husband left me and I hope I can cope with losing Mom. Thanks for listening to my babble.

I'm in a similar situation to you only I'm not living with my mom (yet--we've discussed it) and my mom's 81, so a bit younger than yours. My mom has MRD, so she's losing her eyesight. I pay her bills, do her grocery shopping, and take her to doctors appointments. You have one thing in your favor, and hang on to it, that is a good job. Caretaking for my mom is one of my jobs. I also substitute teach. I catch everything the kids have and bring it home to mom. Unfortunately, I have no choice. I'm not trained to do anything else except my third job, which is writing. My mom and I have discussed me giving up the substituting. I said if it came to that I would. My mom also has congestive heart failure and I'm concerned about losing her. I own my own house, a two bedroom, but she says she couldn't live there and wants me to move in with her. Economically, I need to keep my house. I couldn't afford to take over the payments on hers. I would say don't worry about spending so much time with your mom. Our mom's need us and we love them.

I have seen this happen to many caregivers after they spend many years looking after a person. I guess there is nothing much we can do about it. The other option is to speak to a therapist, that may help.

Helpful Links

Caregiver Action Network

Caregiver Action Network is the nation’s leading family caregiver organization working to improve the quality of life for the more than 90 million Americans who care for loved ones with chronic conditions, disabilities, disease, or the frailties of old age. CAN serves a broad spectrum of family caregivers ranging from the parents of children with special needs, to the families and friends of wounded soldiers; from a young couple dealing with a diagnosis of MS, to adult children caring for parents with Alzheimer’s disease. CAN (the National Family Caregivers Association) is a non-profit organization providing education, peer support, and resources to family caregivers across the country free of charge.