Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:59 pm

Ate all the pumpkin seeds

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:25 pmPosts: 1186

I was bullied really badly in elementary and middle school. Altogether, it forked me up really good for a while. I just recently got over the worst of my anger. Facebook has kind of helped with this. I get friends requests from people from middle school and they're just normal boring people. They'll post pictures from that time and they just look like normal kids. For some reason that makes me feel better. They put me through hell, but they weren't vicious people, no more than most people anyway. Most of them have totally boring heteronormative suburban lives in our gross asparagus hometown. For some reason that makes me feel better too.

Still, it blows my mind that they would even think to friend me on facebook. I guess to them it wasn't a big deal. Probably because I didn't have one bully, rather I was the poor girl surrounded by rich kids and firmly entrenched as a nonpersion at the bottom of the social food chain. IOW, nearly everyone would take potshots at me when they felt like it, which was every. forking. day. but never the exact same person over and over again. It wasn't a central part of their school experience even though it defined mine. I spent years making up every excuse in the book to not go to school and nearly got expelled for skipping so much just to avoid these kids. And now they want to reminisce! I don't know, maybe they thought it was all in good fun? I usually deny their friends requests, because mostly they're uninteresting people, we have almost nothing in common, and yes, I'm still bitter.

Some might say that I should just get over it, it was so long ago, I should move on. It's been over 15 year after all. In large part, I have gotten over it. I'm not as angry as I used to be. Mostly now it just makes me sad. It was such a formative experience that it's never going to go away. I still have self esteem issues that stem from being told I was an ugly and unlovable piece of shiitake every day for years and when I talk about it with my partner it still makes me cry. Occasionally when one will pop up in the suggested friends feature on facebook, I recognize them instantly and it makes me feel like a worthless lonely 10 years old again. I will never forget their names.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 7:47 pm

The Real Hamburger Helper

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:39 pmPosts: 2377Location: Missouri

I was bullied bad in elementary school, but when our high school shut down and we had to move to a bigger school, with lots more people, I was able to get into a better crowd of friends and the rest of my school days were bully free. I don't want to friend anyone on facebook who did that to me, but mostly I've forgotten.

Out of curiosity I just looked up my worst bully though, he has a kid! And from what I can find out he's working away from home most of the time. He told my sister once after we graduated that he was really sorry for what he did to me, I forgave him after I heard that. I had mostly forgotten, so that he remembered was something.

_________________I was really surprised the first time I saw a penis. After those banana tutorials, I was expecting something so different. -Tofulish

heh, yup. I hold grudges forever, and I was bullied terribly in school. I don't go out of my way to avoid people though, I just lurk people so I can get on my high horse about how much better I think I am than them now. sweet.

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface

Most of them have totally boring heteronormative suburban lives in our gross asparagus hometown. For some reason that makes me feel better too.

.....

Some might say that I should just get over it, it was so long ago, I should move on. It's been over 15 year after all. In large part, I have gotten over it. I'm not as angry as I used to be. Mostly now it just makes me sad. It was such a formative experience that it's never going to go away. I still have self esteem issues that stem from being told I was an ugly and unlovable piece of shiitake every day for years and when I talk about it with my partner it still makes me cry.

Yes. This. Every word.

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:03 pm

Bought KAPOP LOAF

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:23 pmPosts: 1635Location: WI

I still think a lot about being bullied, but it's not the bullies I look up so much as the people who were part of the "popular" clique because I like to see how many babies they've had by 26 (a good number!) and how washed up they look. But as much pleasure as I got out of this, it also made me feel really uncomfortable and was doing more to keep my baggage than get rid of it. It's part of why I finally got rid of my FB account. Just not having these people as part of my reality at all makes me feel a lot better most of the time.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:10 pm

TOTALLY CRADICAL

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:42 amPosts: 7570Location: Smugville, CA

I think about them once in a while, and I'm still kind of angry that they did what they did to me. Overall, it's not a huge deal to me, I don't even know if any of them are on facebook, and if any of them tried to friend me I would probably just ignore. They say the ultimate revenge is a life well lived, and I feel like my broke chubby asparagus is living a way better life than them.

I think it would be nice to have some acknowledgement that they were wrong to treat me the way they did, but I'm not holding my breath. Ultimately, being rejected by certain people made me into someone with character and principles who thinks about things in a deeper way. Weirdly enough, they made me who I am today and for that we're probably quits. There were others who had it much worse, including someone who committed suicide. So I'm just thankful I survived them and became better than them.

I do sometimes poke around FB looking for my ex, but he has a fairly common name and I haven't been able to find him. It's not worth it to get obsessive over it. But I do feel, more than school bullies, that he owes me an apology (or a few) and an explanation for how he treated me during our relationship. But again, not holding my breath.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:56 pm

Thinks Plants Have Feelings

Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2010 12:59 pmPosts: 57

I was only bullied for one year of school the kids who picked on me the most were expelled or sent to another school after ninth grade which helped me greatly. I was a very easy target, a self-professed Communist and vegan at the age of fifteen. I may as well have had a bullseye for the rest of the boys in my class. Kids would rub fried chicken skins on my backpack, clothing and face while being held down. I really liked the idea of pacifism at the time and refused to fight back so the treatment I endured went on way too long. By the time I got to my breaking point I was seething with anger and threw the main perpetrator down a stair well. Afterwards I walked into my French class with tears rolling down my face and no one said anything. It was a weird cathartic event.

I'm kind of cool with the dude now. I recognize that he was probably putting me through hell because he was dealing with very intense trauma at home and needed some way to deal with those emotions. Rationalizing the actions of a disturbed 15 year old doesn't always make sense, but I found peace with what happened. It was also eleven years ago.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:17 pm

Married to the wolfman

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pmPosts: 6256Location: Sunnyvale, CA

Occasionally.

I recently found out via Facebook that a girl who bullied me really hard in elementary school and middle school had a baby around the same time as me. She's single parenting and the baby daddy is apparently a huge dick. And to my surprise, I kind of wanted to contact her and congratulate her and wish her well with her kid... she has a hard road to walk these days.

If you had asked teenage me if I would EVER feel this way about any of the people who bullied me, the answer would have been no no no no no no dear god NO.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:47 pm

Stepford Vegan

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:44 pmPosts: 8207Location: Modesto, CA

Like I stated earlier I don't think of them often. With that said I can say I am still messed up after being picked on in junior high to high school. I have not been able to form any close friendships with people because I reserve myself in fear of being hurt...

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:56 pm

Level 7 Vegan

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:53 pmPosts: 1564

Never.

Some girls bullied my best friend one year so bad that she transfered junior high schools, which pissed me off. But my friend and I reunited in senior high and our class was so big that we never had problems again.

Those bullies just don't interest me. I don't even remember their names. My best friend rarely thinks about them either. Screw em.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 6:37 am

Inflexitarian

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:53 amPosts: 755Location: Emerald City, Oz

Erika Soyf*cker wrote:

I think it would be nice to have some acknowledgement that they were wrong to treat me the way they did, but I'm not holding my breath.

I think that's the one reason they still occasionally cross my mind. When I joined Facebook three years ago, I did a lot of looking, found out they weren't leading miserable lives, and figured oh well, this isn't some romcom in which the meanies get their comeuppance. But oh, how I would love to know whether they look back on their younger selves and realise what nasty pieces of work they were. I'm lucky that even at the time, I knew it was their problem, and if it still has an effect on me, it's only a small one.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:14 pm

Wears Durian Helmet

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:16 amPosts: 883Location: NJ

Yes, I think about them occasionally. No, I don't stalk. I really don't want to know anything about them.

I don't have a facebook. I have seen a few profiles when hanging out with my two best friends from HS - they both have FB and will stalk the meanies who made our lives hell. Most of them are doing great. There is no karma. My friend is always looking them up - her fondest wish is that they got fat*, or dumped, or are otherwise miserable. Most of them are still hot and perfectly happy. The meanest one of all has tons of FB posts of her and some ridiculously hot guy glamorously traveling Europe. Whatever.

Sure, maybe Mean Hot Girl changed and is a nice person now, but still. We have nothing in common other than the period of our lives when she was a crasshole, and I was miserable. That's no basis for a relationship.

At this point, I just look at it this way: When they were total mustards to me, I still had to go to school every day and see them, and endure their bullshiitake. There was no escape. Now, they can't touch me, ever. Their moms can run into my mom in the grocery store, and my mom can share stories about what they are up to, and I get to say "mom? I really do not care." They can message my brother on facebook and tell him they couldn't find my page and can he please forward me their email address, they would really love to hear from me, and I get to say "how special" *DELETE*.

In high school, all I wanted to do was get away from them, never see them again, and just be myself for a change. I moved halfway across the country, I am never moving back. I got married and changed my name. Mission accomplished. Try and find me, crassholes. AND if you do, so what? We're not in the same Social Studies class anymore. I'm an adult. I get to deny you access to me and my life all I want. Later, hater.

*mostly my friends and I got picked on about our weight/looks. So her wish is a sort of "now you are what you hate/see how you like it" kind of thing. I'm aware that her stalking/wishing evil upon them is not necessarily the healthiest response. She's the only one of the three of us who still lives in our hometown so she has the misfortune of actually running into some of these people from time to time. The guy who picked on her the most married a girl who belongs to her church so now she has to see him all the time. Suckage.

_________________...I am an opinionated prick not a problem solver. -matwinser

Now I remember why I try to keep a continent between me and New Jersey at all times. -torque

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:42 pm

Invented Vegan Meringue

Joined: Thu Oct 28, 2010 10:08 pmPosts: 4074Location: Pennsylvania

Not really. Only recently because of all the bullying stories in the news. I was really only bullied between 5th and 8th grade. Once I got to high school, it stopped because I didn't see those people in classes anymore. I happen to know that many of them got pregnant in high school and are currently living in crappy situations. And here I am, getting a graduate degree! I'd say I got the better deal.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:49 pm

Making Threats to Punks Again

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:22 pmPosts: 1117Location: va

paprikapapaya wrote:

Adah wrote:

Most of them have totally boring heteronormative suburban lives in our gross asparagus hometown. For some reason that makes me feel better too.

.....

Some might say that I should just get over it, it was so long ago, I should move on. It's been over 15 year after all. In large part, I have gotten over it. I'm not as angry as I used to be. Mostly now it just makes me sad. It was such a formative experience that it's never going to go away. I still have self esteem issues that stem from being told I was an ugly and unlovable piece of shiitake every day for years and when I talk about it with my partner it still makes me cry.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:32 pm

Nailed to the V

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:56 pmPosts: 593Location: Western Mass!

I've forgiven the bullies and actually friended one of them recently. Sure, they forked me up, but there are things about me that make my life hard and are not their faults.

Old crushes are those who don't get forgiven that easily, however. They're newer additions to my regret-filled past and make me occasionally despair.

_________________"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

I was never bullied. I remember one girl who was trying to look cool tried to pick on me once but I just kind of laughed, patted her patronisingly on the head and said that I hoped the popular girls would pay attention to her soon so she could stop sacrificing her dignity for their approval.

I don't really get why I would add someone that I never liked as a friend on Facebook. But a few of my friends are friends with the 'popular' girls (I use quotations because even they all hated each other... I can't think of anyone who was actually less popular in high school). So I'll occasionally have a look at their profiles to see what they're up to. Most popped out babies too young and have built their entire sense of self-worth around being engaged or married. If that's what makes them happy, good for them. But I feel good about having a strong relationship, an awesome career and having travelled a lot while they stayed at home complaining about their swollen ankles.

Post subject: Re: How often do you think about bullies from your school li

Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:50 pm

Chard Martyr

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:49 pmPosts: 9636Location: SW Desert, USA

I got turned on by friends sometimes, but never really bullied other than that. I sometimes didn't say anything when my friends were being mean to people (I consider myself a bully for that behavior), but if I ran across them on FB, or in real life, I'd apologize. I did apologize to one girl I felt especially bad about; my friends were awful to her and I regret not saying anything at the time.

i think about people that bullied me in school from time to time. mostly when i'm feeling really depressed. i dont strive to find out information about these people though and if they did friend me on facebook, i'd ignore it. i feel like being bullied in school has made me feel the insecurities that i have now. all of which i'm trying to get over, slowly. i don't remember everyone who ever bullied me, there were so many. but i do remember specific people, by the things they did/said to me.