Skiing Jokes

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[NSFW] Tow best friends where on a skiing trip together with their wives.

During the after ski, the men decide it would be a good idea to go to bed with each others wives. The men whom had been drinking both though this was a fantastic idea. They both agreed to make a competition out of it. Whom could make the others wife climax the most times wins.

Not to draw su...

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A Scotsman went skiing in Canada for the first time.

At the end of a great day on the slopes, he retired to the local tavern. After getting six whiskeys in him he stood up and turned around to discover a large, stuffed animal head with giant antlers hanging from the wall.

"Barkeep," he said, "what the hell is that?"

The bartender said, "...

Three friends go on a skiing trip.

Three friends go on a skiing trip, but they need to save money so they rent a cabin with only one bed that’s big enough for all three of them.

After the first night the guy on the left says he had the most amazing dream. A busty blonde seduced him and gave him an amazing handjob.

The...

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This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada…

After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.

After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.

He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?"

The barman says, "It's a Moose."

The Scottis...

Three guys go on a skiing trip together and are forced to share a room with a single bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, "Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job."

The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up, and says that he's had the same dream, too.

The guy in the middle says, "Wow that's funny, I ...

Three friends are on a road trip and stop at a motel for the night.

Three friends are on a road trip and stop at a motel for the night. The receptionist tells them there is only 1 room available with 1 bed in it.

The guys are exhausted and just decide to share the bed. In the morning, the one who slept on the left side of the bed says "I just had the best dr...

Three guys go on a skiing trip together.

When they get to the ski lodge, the attendant informs them there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

The men reluctantly agree to share, and get settled in.

After a long day of skiing, the men wash up and get ready for bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on th...

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs water-skiing?

Skip

Three guys went to a ski lodge after a tiresome day of skiing.

There was only one bed, so they had to share it. When they woke up the next morning, the guy on the left side of the bed said he saw the most amazing dream. "This beautiful lady gave me a wonderful handjob". The guy on the right said; "I had the exact same dream! It felt so real!" The guy in the mid...

I don't know why people get so excited about skiing vacations

Right from the start they go downhill very fast.

Three friends go snowboarding

Three friends go skiing at a ski resort and have a great time.However, when night descends upon them, they seek shelter at the resort.They stay up for a little bit telling jokes and talking, then decide to hit the sack.But once they enter the room that they will be sharing, they realize ...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.

They loaded up in Jack's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out ...

The big bed...

Three salesmen are travelling together when their car breaks down. They walk to the nearest town and go into the bar. Over a couple of rounds of drinks, they explain their situation to the bartender who tells them,

"I have a bed in the back room. It's just one bed, but it should be big enoug...

I use to like going skiing. But that hobby...

Went downhill so fast

I went skiing yesterday. It was fun but I broke arm.

I guess skiing has its downsides.

I recently got very addicted to skiing

My doctor told me I'm going down a slippery slope

So I went skiing with a man in a massive jacket...[Original Joke]

So I was going skiing last winter, and I was having a really good time. As I get on the lift to go up to the top of the mountain, a man in a massive puffy cotton jacket sits next to me. Now when I say massive, I mean MASSIVE! I'm not sure how this guy could move, nevermind ski. I start making polite...

Downhill Skiing

3 rock climbers (Bob, Tim, Jack) were attempting to climb Everest. In a freak accident, Bob and Tim lost all of their supplies. Unable to progress any further, they decide to make camp and share jack's supplies. The three of them slept side to side, with bob and Tim on either side of jack. In the mo...

I Gave Up Cross Country Skiing.

Ever since it's all been downhill.

I went skiing yesterday.

I didn't really enjoy it. I got to the top of the chairlift, but it was all downhill from there.

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(NSFW) Three men and a bed

Three guys walk into a motel and find out there is only one room with only one bed. Since it's the only motel in town, the guys decide to share the bed. They get to their room, squeeze in, and fall asleep. The next morning, the guy on the left side of the bed wakes up and says, "I had the crazie...

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so there are these three guys going on a skiing trip

and one day they are skiing when a massive blizzard arrives from the middle of nowhere. so they dig a snow cave because it's either that or death. they huddle up together for warmth during the night and fall asleep. in the morning the one on the right says 'i had a dream that someone touched my peni...

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Three friends go skiiing

These three friends decide to go on a skiing trip.

When they get to the resort and find the cabin they've rented, they realize its only one king sized bed. Undeterred by this, the three friends decide to just deal with it and share the bed as they will only be in here to sleep for a couple o...

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A man confesses his sins to a priest...

He says “Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I was skiing down the slopes on my recent trip to Austria.

Upon my return to the top of the slope I noticed my boss from work. I was wearing my ski mask and a balaclava so he would not have recognised me.

As he was leaning down to fix hi...

Three friends are on a road trip...

They decide to stop for the night at the only hotel in town. As they get up to the reception desk, they are informed that there is only one room left and it's a queen. The three are comfortable enough with eachother and decide the minor inconvenience is worth not driving a few hours down the road ...

Dad's favorite ship joke.

A ship's quartermaster descends into the galley to address the rowers. "I have good news," he said. "Today, all of your food and alcohol rations have been doubled." As he said this, a cheer went up from the slaves and they eagerly grabbed at their oars.

"One more thing," he added. "The captai...

Two friends go to Vegas

But lost their wallets, between them they now only have $8.00.

The first friend says “give me the money, I have a great idea”

He goes into Walgreens and comes out with a bag

Second friend grabs it and looks inside and sees a box of tampons. He says “that’s great, you waste our l...

The Heroic Homeless Man

It’s December 2012, and Christmas is fast approaching. The snow is on the trees, gifts are being bought, and the lake in Central Park is frozen over. Children and the stents are skiing on the ice, having a great time. However suddenly, a little girl falls through the ice. Luckily, a nearby homeless ...

A guy wins the lottery...

...and comes home to his wife. "Honey! I just won the lottery! Quick, pack your bags!" His wife is totally shocked and flustered. She asks "Well where are we going? To the Caribbean? Are we going skiing? I need to know what to pack?" The guy responds... "I don't care what you pack. Just get the hell...

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3 friends go to a ski lodge...

But the receptionist at the front dest said that the lodge was over booked, and the friends have to share a room.

After walking in they notice that there’s only one bed. They decide to go to bed early and set their alarms for 6:30am.

The buzzer sounds and they awake. The one on the lef...

3 skiers

3 skiers arrive at the lodge to find there is only one room available. They reluctantly accept, and find that it has only one bed. Come time to sleep they agree to share the bed.

The next morning the 3 awake to which says, "last night I had the most vivid dream that I was getting a handjob." ...

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Three dudes sneak into a barn

So, three dudes sneak into a barn, and they're forced to sleep on the same haystack. The morning after, the dude on the left says, "I had a dream that I was getting the best handjob!" The dude on the right says, "Holy shit, I had the same dream!" The dude in the middle goes,"I dreamt that I ...

Three guys are out camping during a cold winters night.

It starts to rain and the fire goes out, they decide the only way to keep warm is to share a sleeping bag. Naturally it's all a bit awkward at first but they eventually get to sleep. The morning comes and they all feel much better. The guy on the right says, "I had this amazing dream of getting a ha...

[NSFW] Three guys go to Vegas

Three guys arrange a weekend in Vegas, kiss their wives goodbye, and hit the road.

As soon as they arrive, the drinking starts and continues late into the night. Eventually they all tire out and agree to head back to the hotel. For economic reasons they booked a single room, but they were a...

What does a blind man use to ski?

A skiing eye dog

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Two ants met in this woman’s belly button; one decides to go north while the other goes south.

Seven days later, they returned to the belly button. “I had a great time,” reported the ant who had ventured north. “There were these two big hills, and every day I went skiing, and at night I slept in this nice warm valley.”

“I had a hell of a time,” sighed the other ant. “First I had to wal...

3 men go on a trip.....

They decided to just book just 1 room with 1 bed to save money.

After the first night, the man who slept on the right said, "I dreamed I was getting a handjob last night."

The man on the left said, " I dreamed about getting a handjob too! What a coincidence! "

The man in the ...

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3 Guys go on a camping trip...

3 guys go on a camping trip. They get to the campground, decide to do some fishing and go back to their campsite just before dark to set up their tent. The guy who brought the tent made a mistake and had gotten a tent that was quite small, so they ended up having to sleep side by side.

The ne...

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Blonde Logic Highlights

Blonde Logic

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!

So, the God decides he needs a vacation...

He goes to meet his travel agent:"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot..."How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price". - ... Been there like 2000 yea...

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Three skiimen have to stay inside for the night, but there is only one bed.

Three skiimen have to stay inside for the night, but there is only one bed. They decide to share it and go to sleep. In the morning they get ready to go out and ask each other what they dreamed about. The guy on one side said "I dreamt of a beautiful brunette and we had sex all night.", the guy on t...

3 Brothers Share a Bed

So my family was really poor growing up, and I had to share a bed with my two older brothers. Naturally being the youngest, I had to sleep in the middle of the other two every night, which sucked. But one night my brothers said they had the craziest dream.

Oldest brother said, "I had the cra...

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Three men have to share a bed

They're on a ski trip together, and due to a clerical error there is only one room left in the lodge. There is only one large bed, and there are no cots.

So the three pile in and try to keep their distance.

The next morning they wake up, and the man sleeping on the left edge of the bed...

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Possible NSFW joke. It's probably fine though.

3 teenage boys share a tent as they camp out.In the morning the boys are waking up, the first boy says "I had the best dream! I was being jerked off!" One of the other boys says "no way! Me too!" The last boy says "You won't believe it, I was down hill skiing!"

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God's Vacation

God decides he'd like to take a vacation. So he goes to St. Peter at the pearly gates and asks,

"Pete, I need a vacation, being God is fucking stressful. Where should I go?"

St. Peter says, "well Pluto has good skiing."

God shakes his head fervently and replies, "no way, I brok...

You have to spell a word to get into heaven.

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.

She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling g...

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So three guys were sleeping in a bed

when all of them woke up at the same time. The guy on the right said, "Holy shit I was just having the best dream about a girl wackin' me off." The guy on the left said, "No way I was having the same fucking dream!" The guy in the middle then said, "Dammit, I just had a dream I was skiing!"

The captain has good news and bad news.

The Egyptian royal barge returns to harbour after a long day ferrying the pharaoh up and down the Nile. The captain says to the tired oarsmen 'Right, lads, I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?'

The oarsmen consult among themselves and decide they fancy some good n...

The skiers

Three friends decide to go to a ski resort for the weekend. When they arrive at the lodge, they're dismayed to learn that there's only one room left. What's worse, it only has a single bed. Figuring that it's their only option, they decide to take the room.

After a full day of skiing, the...

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Three men are on a road trip...

when their car breaks down in front of a farm. They knock on the door of the farm house to ask to call a tow truck. The farmer tells them the phone is in the kitchen. One of three men call and find out no one is available until the morning. The farmer offers a mattress in the barn for the men to sha...

Three homeless guys at a shelter..

Due to a shortage of beds to lay in at a homeless shelter, three men were set to be laying together in a California King sized mattress. That night, the three go to bed.

They wake up the next morning to the alarm clock going off, waking the three up.

The man on the left says "Hmm, I ha...

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3 men go camping..

3 dudes go camping, sharing the same tent sleeping side by side.

They wake up in the morning, the man on the right says "I had this dream last night, that someone pulling my dick." The guy lying on the left said "that's strange, I had the exact same dream". The guy in the middle replies "that...

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I'm just gonna go

There are 3 brothers that sleep in the same bed. After one night, the one in the middle got in the shower, while the other two went into the kitchen. One of them said "Dude I had the best dream ever last night. This super model gave me a blowjob. Aww man I jizzed my pants." The second brother said "...

Three guys travelling in a car have to stop for the night due to bad weather.

They find a barn nearby, and ask the farmer if they could stay the night. The farmer agrees but tells them he only has one extra bed. The three guys don't mind, and they rest for the night. In the morning the three wake up and the first guy says: "Man I had the best dream, I was given the best handj...

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Vacation in the alps

This is a translation/version of a joke from a Swedish movie. I take no credit in its creation.A Swedish family of four is on vacation in the Austrian alps. The mother is in a gift-shop when her daughter bursts in.>- Mom! Mom! Dad's in the hospital with a broken arm, a cracked rib and a b...

God decides it's time for a vacation...

...so he consults with a few of his angels to figure out where he should go for some much needed rest and relaxation. The first angel to speak up says "Well, sir, I hear Mercury is nice this time of year. It's nice and warm, you could catch some rays and maybe get a nice tan." "That could be nic...

Ancient Roman galley

The whip guy gets up next to the drum guy and addresses the galley slaves. "I have good news and I have bad news." "The good news is all you guys get extra bread this morning." "The bad news is this afternoon the Captain wants to go water skiing."

There are 3 men stranded in the wild...

and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute p...

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The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami