June 4, 2009

National Party Scandals

The resignation of Dr Richard Worth is the most serious scandal to impact on the new National government. What other embarrassments has the Key government suffered in the last six months?

Election Night, November 8th: Prime Minister Helen Clark gives a concession speech in which she claims that the National Party has risen to power using donations, votes and support from a sinister, shadowy sect known only as ‘New Zealanders.’ ‘The Labour Party is deeply suspicious of these people,’ Clark said. ‘We do not know who they really are, or what they really want.’ Key angrily denied ever meeting any New Zealanders but was forced to back down after a Dominion-Post investigation revealed he had spoken to a New Zealander in 2003 while attending a trade conference in Dubai.

November 16: Broadcasting Minister Jonathan Coleman is criticised by media watchdogs and human-rights activists for his decision to chemically neuter veteran Radio New Zealand announcer Sean Plunket. The scandal died when Plunket rushed to defend the Broadcast Minister, also apologising for soiling the back seat of Coleman’s car on the way home from the operation.

January 15: Rumours of a government cover-up emerge when the National Party President’s office publishes a press release titled: ‘Your New Zealand National Party: NOT desecrating bodies at Hutt Hospital Mortuary for 73 Years.’

March 6, 02:35 AM: Lockwood Smith appears in the skies above Dunedin.

May 23: John Key’s announcement that he would not honor his campaign commitment to break at least one election promise provokes the Press Gallery Mass Catatonia Event of May 2009.