Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Best. Story. Ever.

Everyone's favorite leader of the free world and his freak-headed challenger in the upcoming election have provided many similar policy positions on some of America's most divisive issues. Over the past few months, Bush and Kerry have offered nearly identical plans on the war in Iraq, middle class tax cuts and immigration reforms, among others.

But today marked the weirdest overlap thus far: Both candidates held campaign rallies in Davenport, Iowa at the same time, just blocks away from each other. And obviously every single member of the Daveport police department was assigned to protect President Bush and Sen. Kerry.

So what happened? Three separate Davenport banks were robbed while the candidates were on the stump and the police were pre-occupied with the two doofs! Let me repeat this because it's so incredible: Three separate banks were robbed because all of the city's police officers were watching the backs of the high-profile visitors. That's priceless. Nobody saw that coming?!

These men should not be punished. They should be rewarded for showing these selfish fucks that when you play politics in someone else's city, innocent people get screwed.

It's all very Die Hard with a Vengeance -- "Look around, mister, you could steal City Hall." I hope these criminals are somewhere saying, "Hook, line, sinker" in a remarkably awful German accent.