Why Am I So Nasty

I have been trying to get someone to watch the kids so that I can go check on a couple job leads I have. I had one person that said she would do it but that fell through. I keep telling father of the year we need to figure out what we are going to do with the kids so that I can job hunt and he can work and so that I can go back to work once I find something. He just says he knows or he thought this or that. I tell him if I come up with a idea but I also tell him if they don’t work out. He has yet to offer a idea or seem to care.

He don’t care because like he keeps telling me how can he pay support and keep a place for himself. So he don’t care if we live like this forever. He is fine with it.

Night before last I was in the kitchen making dinner and he came in and was getting a drink. He starts complaining about his job how much he hates it and how they do and he makes no money and works all these hours and putts up with all this bullshit. Goes into how he needs to find a new job that is going to pay him better and he will have time off and not deal with all the bullshit.

I normally just igonore him let him ramble and go on. But I was so frustraited that I have been trying to get someone to watch the kids to go back to work and he could careless and hasn’t offered one idea at a sitter. I went off. I told him I really didn’t care that he wanted a new job. I didn’t care what he put up with at work or how they treated him or how many hours he worked for little to no pay for it. That I had been trying to get a sitter and get a job and that he didn’t even care or offer to help find one. That if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t be able to work at all that he just goes gets whatever job he wants or can get and don’t worry about how it effects everyone else or if he has a sitter because he knows that I am here and will do it. He don’t care that I can’t work.

I tell him all this and all he dose is look at me and ask me why are you so mad? Really I just told you why I am mad and what the problem is. He says well you don’t have to be so nasty about it. I was just saying I want to get a better job and another job so I could have time off and normal hours so that i can help you watch the kids. You could work one shift I could work the other.

Trying to twist it all around and make me look like the bad guy here. I pointed out to him that he didn’t want to do that and that isn’t why he wanted to get another job at all. That all the resons he said to start with were why he wanted to get another job. That it had nothing to do with helping watch the kids. Because he had a job before this one where he went in at 5am and could be off by 2 pm. He could stay until 3/4 and get extra hours if he really wanted to and once in a while would need to to get things done. But that was hardly ever.

When he had said job he instead of doing his job and coming home so that I could get a job and go to work by 5 or 6 in the evening. He would get on the truck and go off across the state hundreds of miles a way and not call or come home until 9 or 10 pm. I would say then I have this job or that job lined up to go check on can you get off and come home at 2 so I can. He wouldn’t. He had a lot of leave way at that job he could be off at 2 ever day if he wanted. I didn’t ask him to be home at 2 every day. Just be off by 4. That let him get extra hours and still let me go to work.

He didn’t say anything about not coming home and watching the kids or nothing. He just kept on about how I don’t care and how he tries and I still get mad and nasty to him. All about him. I told him I don’t care about his job and how they treat him or anything. I don’t care that he runs all the time and makes nothing hardly for it. I haven’t cared in a very long time and I have not hidden that. Things wouldn’t be the way they are now if I cared. But things also wouldn’t be the way they are now if he cared way back when I told him there was problems.

Surprisingly (I say that sarcastically) days later it hasn’t come up again and he has still yet to offer any idea’s for someone to watch the kids.