DISCLAIMER: Star Trek, Star Trek:Deep Space Nine and its characters
are copyright Paramount and no infringement is intended. The story, such
as it is, is copyright Karen Colohan June 1998. Song lyrics from "Perfect"
by Alanis Morissette are copyright MCA Music.

Author's notes: This story is a sequel of sorts to the episode "Doctor
Bashir, I Presume". It also draws somewhat on the episodes "In Purgatory's
Shadow" and "By Inferno's Light".

"Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder..."
"I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I..."

Julian Bashir sat alone in the silence of his quarters. The only light came
from the stars shining in through the large viewport. The faint, sombre
illumination matched his mood.

Was there ever a time I didn't feel like this? So empty, alone... and
I thought I'd left solitary confinement behind when we escaped the Dominion
internment camp...

It had been a whole day now since the transport with his parents on board
had left Deep Space Nine on the return journey to Earth, bearing Richard
Bashir away to begin a prison sentence. Julian could still not entirely find
it in his heart to say that his father didn't deserve it. Oh, superficially
he and his parents had been reconciled after their long estrangement. Deep
inside though Julian knew he would always resent what they had done - the
genetic enhancements that had been made to him.

You say it was done out of love and not shame. I can understand that -
as a doctor - but as your son... Knowing that Jules Bashir - unenhanced,
ordinary, the child you gave birth to - just wasn't good enough... I'm not
sure that pain will ever go.

After his parents' departure, Julian had tried to continue as if nothing
had changed, but it simply wasn't true. Take your time, Sisko had said to
him, after the doctor had learned of the plea bargaining which had safeguarded
his position in Starfleet and his right to continue practising medicine.

Time? Julian doubted that he would ever entirely come to terms with the
situation, even if he took all the time in the Galaxy to try and do so. The
fact remained that his 'little secret' had been revealed thanks to Doctor
Zimmerman and his LMH program. In the end, what should have been a crowning
achievement of Julian's career - a chance at immortality of a kind - had
come close to destroying it completely.

See, Dad, your creation was just a little too perfect for his own good!
If my abilities, my achievements hadn't attracted quite so much attention
no one would ever have been any the wiser...

Restlessly Julian got to his feet, moving to stand beside the viewport. He
stared out at the infinitely complex pattern of the stars, letting its immensity
fill his mind and shut out, at least for a while, the clamouring voices of
his parents, Chief O'Brien and Captain Sisko. His tired brain had been replaying
all their conversations of the past few days endlessly, for what seemed like
forever.

"Then it's true? You're...?"

A fraud. A freak. A cheat. All of the above...

"We have a serious problem here. We have to stop the whining and concentrate
on coming up with a new plan."

WE have a problem? I was the one whose entire life was almost destroyed
by this! God, your arrogance never ceases to amaze me - as if some ill-conceived,
half thought through plan was ever going to resolve this mess! But that was
always your answer, wasn't it? Things not going according to plan?
Don't stop and try to work them through, make them right. No, just
throw everything in and run away - come up with a "new plan" that's just
as doomed to failure as the old one...

"You have to understand that we didn't do it because we were ashamed,
but because you were our son - and we loved you."

Coming from you I can believe that's true, but him? Were Dad's
motives quite so altruistic? Even now, when he's going to jail, I can't be
certain...

"Your parents came to see me this morning. They explained the situation
about your genetic background..."

And you went to Starfleet and made a deal... At the moment I can't even
find it in my heart to be grateful for that. Dear God...

"I don't believe it. I don't need you to patronise me. I can play at your
level."

My level... Ah, who exactly is patronising whom?

Julian sighed. Nothing could ever be the same for him again now the secret
was out. Who would ever simply judge him on his merits again? Everything
would be ascribed to his enhancements, not his hard work. And what if he
should fail at something? He would be accused of deliberately not trying.
After all, how could someone with his gifts fail at anything unless he hadn't
really tried? Oh, in theory it shouldn't be that bad. At the moment only
a handful of people knew the truth, but Julian was under no illusions. He
was well aware that it was only a matter of time. On Deep Space Nine secrets
had a disconcerting habit of becoming hot gossip remarkably quickly.

Once that happened what would people say? Would they avoid him, fear him?
Julian could already imagine the covert looks, the whispered conversations
which would abruptly cease when he approached... Or worse, would the eyes
follow him, waiting for him to do something to show off his abilities - to
perform? Julian felt a strong sense of kinship with Odo. He always had. It
wasn't just that he empathised with Odo's dislike of being treated as a
scientific curiosity to be poked, prodded, tested. No, he also understood,
only too well, the Constable's distaste whenever he was asked to show off
his shapeshifting abilities on a whim. The doctor shuddered. He had always
dreaded the thought of being viewed as some kind of freak. But then, wasn't
that exactly what he was?

Hopelessly Julian bent his head, covering his face with his hands. Why had
all this had to happen now, when his life had finally been starting to turn
out the way he wanted it to? It was just one nightmare on top of another.
If he had believed things couldn't get any worse after his abduction and
replacement on DS9 by a changeling, well, he'd soon enough been proved wrong!
And yet, before these twin disasters, he had been happy. This was
a posting he loved, serving with colleagues whose respect and trust he'd
had to work for, but had eventually earned. He had even made some good friends
...

At least, so he had thought. His faith in that fact had been shaken somewhat
though after the changeling had passed undetected on the station for so long.

Gone a month and they never realised, even for a second, that he wasn't
me ... Is that the ultimate compliment to the Founders' skills in infiltration?
Or the biggest slap in the face I could ever expect to get? I wonder if Miles
will ever understand how much it hurt me - the way he joked about it? "Easier
to get along with." I'm not sure I want to dwell too long on what that really
says about our friendship...

Oh dear God! Julian raised his head as the intrusive memories of his capture
and impersonation turned his thoughts in another direction. Garak. Since
their return from the Gamma Quadrant, and their incarceration at the hands
of the Dominion, their friendship had changed. Actually, the process had
begun even during their imprisonment, when Julian had at last learned a few
of the Cardassian's long held secrets.

For Julian, his feelings for Garak had finally come into focus as he gently
led the trembling, panicked Cardassian from his claustrophobic nightmare
trapped in the walls of the Dominion prison. The deeper implications of the
protectiveness Julian had felt towards Garak at that moment had at last allowed
their relationship to take a more intimate turn. So far it had not gone beyond
a series of quiet dinners alone together and a few exploratory touches, but
it had seemed to Julian that it was only a matter of time before their
expressions of affection became more overtly physical.

What would happen to their fledgling relationship now though? Was it possible
that Garak had somehow already discovered his secret? Julian had learned
very soon after meeting him never to underestimate the Cardassian's ability
to uncover the truth, no matter how deeply hidden. After all, it had once
been Garak's job to do so.

Garak was certainly perfectly well aware that his parents had been on the
station, even though Julian had taken considerable care to ensure that they
did not meet. On top of all the other turmoil surrounding his parents' visit,
Julian had not felt up to the task of explaining his developing relationship
with Garak to them. He was fairly certain that an exiled Cardassian would
not have been their idea of the perfect mate for him, irrespective of gender.
Also, Julian admitted to himself, he had been ashamed of his parents. He
hadn't wanted Garak to meet them.

Julian was well aware that commonly held opinion around the station was that
he came from a privileged background. After all, he'd hardly gone out of
his way to contradict anything that was said - even reinforced the impression
by referring to his father's role as an ambassador once or twice. What a
joke! Richard Bashir had merely spent a few undistinguished months as a
diplomatic aide at the embassy on Invernia before once again growing bored.
Then, dragging his family in his wake, he had set off in search of the next
big opportunity...

What a great role model you were, Dad!

The doctor felt no remorse for his bitterness towards his father, but there
was a twinge of guilt for his evasiveness where Garak was concerned. It certainly
didn't help to remember how Garak had allowed Julian to witness his final
moments with Enabran Tain as the old Cardassian lay dying in the Dominion
prison. Julian had learned, to his utter disbelief, that Tain was in fact
Garak's father. Evidently his Cardassian friend had more courage than he
did, permitting this revelation. The trust implied by that act had been another
element in their deepening friendship. So would Garak now feel betrayed by
Julian's inability to reciprocate, by his lack of trust? Worse still, would
the Cardassian no longer want to be with him; would he turn his back on him
when he knew the doctor was a genetically enhanced freak?

The sound of the doorchime startled Julian out of his reverie.

"Come," he called, turning to face the door as it slid open. As if summoned
by Julian's thoughts, Garak stood silhouetted against the brighter background
of the corridor outside.

The Cardassian entered the room slowly. He found he needed his more acute
sight to pick his way around the furniture in the gloom, but Julian made
no effort to call up the light level for him. It was apparent Julian really
wasn't in the mood for visitors. Garak stopped a short distance away from
the doctor, eyeing him carefully. The defensiveness of Julian's posture unnerved
him.

"Julian," he acknowledged quietly when the young man simply stood and stared
at him warily without speaking. "Is everything all right? I heard that your
parents had left the station so I stopped by the Infirmary to see you. Your
nurse told me you had taken the day off. Are you unwell?"

"No, I'm not ill," Julian assured him with a tired sigh. "Yes, my parents
left yesterday and I - needed a little time to myself. Captain Sisko agreed
some leave for me. I - in case you hadn't heard things were a little difficult
with my parents." The doctor watched Garak's face intently as he spoke, searching
for any hint of a reaction or a clue as to what the Cardassian might know.
But there was nothing in the carefully schooled expression to help him.

"Anyway, was there something you wanted?" asked Julian at length. "You said
you went to the Infirmary to see me. Is there anything I can help you with?"
The doctor tried to sound as much like his normal self as he could, but knew
that he was failing. It mattered too much to him to learn what Garak knew
and the faint tremor in his voice betrayed his anxiety.

The Cardassian regarded Julian steadily, his blue eyes bright with reflected
starlight. He was not sure what exactly he had expected to find when he entered
the doctor's room, but it definitely hadn't been a Julian Bashir who seemed
so defeated - even afraid. What precisely did the young doctor fear?

"I had heard," began Garak thoughtfully, "that Doctor Zimmerman left without
completing his new holographic program. I wondered what had gone wrong. Forgive
me, but you had seemed such a good choice as the model for the program."

"It's true he left before it was done," admitted Julian noncommittally. "Things
just - didn't work out. I'm sure he'll find a more appropriate template for
the LMH." He shrugged his shoulders in an attempt at casualness. Garak nodded
understandingly.

"I see," he said slowly. He paused a moment before continuing. "I also heard
something odd in Quark's. Rumour has it that when you and Chief O'Brien play
darts now he insists you stand a considerable extra distance from the board.
Is that true? It seems a very strange request." Garak threw a curious glance
in Julian's direction and noticed how much the doctor had paled at his words.

Damn, damn, damn! Someone must have overheard my conversation with
Miles... Agitated, Julian pushed himself away from the wall, brushing
past Garak as he strode across to the sofa and flung himself down on it.
With his back to the room's only source of light Julian's face was now hidden
from the Cardassian, but the tense set of his shoulders was revealing.

"Julian..." Garak began again, but before he could say more the doctor
interrupted him, his voice harsh.

"Yes, Garak, it is true - and any other rumours you might have heard
are probably also true. You see, Miles learned that I had a, shall we say,
somewhat unfair advantage over him when it came to hand eye co-ordination;
so he set about finding a way to even the odds again. He just wasn't especially
subtle about it," Julian added viciously. He knew he was being a little hard
on O'Brien; there had been no real malice in his actions and, in truth, the
chief had been the one wronged, but right now the doctor didn't feel like
being fair.

Garak moved from where he had been standing, pulled by thread of pain evident
in Julian's voice. He took a seat in one of the chairs facing the sofa. He
leaned forward to look into the young man's drawn face, trying to catch his
eye. Julian pointedly refused to look at him, seemingly absorbed in staring
at his hands where they lay in his lap. The long fingers moved restlessly,
brushing non-existent specks of dust from the doctor's impeccable uniform.

"Please tell me, Julian," insisted Garak softly. "Tell me what it is that
makes you hide away in the darkness, afraid to face your friends - to face
me."

The Cardassian had been prepared to demand that Julian tell him the truth,
to be angry at his lack of trust - and to reproach him for his hypocrisy.
Garak had, after all, offered up to the doctor his most closely guarded secret
at the moment of Enabran Tain's death. When it had become apparent that Julian
had his own dark secret and had not seen fit to trust Garak with it, despite
their deepening friendship, the Cardassian had felt - betrayed. The doctor
had played the innocent to his worldly-wise ex-spy so convincingly... How
thoroughly he had been duped! And yet, confronted with the reality of Julian's
pain and shame the spark of anger refused to ignite.

"It sounds to me as if you already know," said Julian with an unmistakable
trace of bitterness in his voice.

"I've heard only rumours," protested Garak. "I would rather hear the truth
from you."

"Truth? Oh, you're a fine one to talk about wanting the truth, aren't you,
Garak? Tell me, if your father hadn't been dying would you have admitted
you really were a Son of Tain?" Julian gave a caustic laugh, even
as he berated himself for lashing out at the Cardassian this way. He's
only concerned about you. None of this is his fault. He deserves better from
you, Julian! Contrite he glanced up in time to see the hurt which touched
Garak's features for just a moment before he schooled his face to impassiveness
once more. Damn! Did he really want to estrange himself from all his friends?
He seemed to be doing a pretty good job of it these past couple of days.

"Garak, I'm sorry," said Julian remorsefully. "That wasn't fair. Just because
I'm miserable doesn't mean I should be taking it out on you and making your
life a misery. You do deserve the truth from me. I'm just - afraid
that once you've heard what I have to tell you you'll never want to, to be
with me again."

"You just mentioned how you learned that I was the son of Enabran Tain. Did
you turn your back on me once you knew that?" asked Garak gently.

"Of course not, but I don't see how that's relevant." Julian frowned, confused.

"What I'm trying to say," explained Garak, "is that none of us can choose
our parents and yet we are all moulded by them, by their expectations of
us, to a greater or lesser extent. If someone other than Tain had been my
father I would be an entirely different person now. Why, I'm sure I should
be neither an exile or a tailor!" Garak smiled warmly at Julian, trying to
draw him out of his dark mood, encouraging him to share the joke. "In all
seriousness though, if I had not spent my entire life trying to make Enabran
proud of me... If I had not needed his acceptance so much, then there are
many things I would never have done."

"And those things, whatever they might have been, are part of what shaped
the person you are today - the Elim Garak that I know," said Julian slowly,
understanding what Garak was trying to tell him.

"Exactly," agreed the Cardassian, "and you have not rejected me simply because
they are there in my past. You, of all the people I have come to know since
my exile, have been the one most willing to accept me for what I am
now. Don't you trust me to be able to do the same for you in return?
Can your secrets possibly be any more unpleasant or shameful than my own?"

Finally Julian allowed himself to meet Garak's steady gaze. There was no
censure there, even though the doctor was by now quite certain that the
Cardassian had already learned what he was about to tell him. He sighed,
angry with himself for his lack of trust.

"You're right, Garak," Julian admitted. "When we were being held in that
Dominion prison you shared something very personal with me. You could have
asked me to leave you alone with Tain, but you didn't. You wanted me to be
there, to know what he was to you. I haven't been at all fair to you, refusing
to return the favour. God, I went out of my way to make sure you didn't have
a chance to speak to my parents. I was - ashamed of them and I was afraid
that if you talked to them you'd manage to charm the truth out of them. I
suppose the only thing I can say in my defense is that... Well, our relationship
has been changing and that's very important to me. You are very important
to me. I just didn't want to risk anything getting in the way of that.

"Anyway, as I suspect you have already found out, whatever or whoever your
source, the Julian Bashir you have come to know was most definitely moulded
by his parents - engineered you might say. The original version wasn't performing
to expectations and so they had me genetically altered when I was still very
young. All my intellectual abilities and many of my physical attributes are
the product of those genetic enhancements. What you see before you, Garak,
is not at all what nature intended for Jules Bashir."

"And you are ashamed of this?" asked Garak.

"Yes!" Julian leaned back on the sofa, staring up at the shadowy ceiling
above him with unseeing eyes. "Everything that I've done with my life, whatever
I've achieved - it's as if it doesn't really belong to me. I'm a fraud. Those
achievements are purely a result of the genetic enhancements. God, can you
imagine how I felt when I found out Dax had nominated me for the Carrington
award a couple of years back? What my parents had done to me means I can
never take pride in myself or anything I do..."

"How can you be certain of that?" observed Garak thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry?" Julian looked at his friend in puzzlement.

"How can you be so sure that your achievements are only due to your
enhancements?" insisted Garak. "You could have been given the most incredible
talents and still chosen to do nothing with them. It takes more than simply
intellect to achieve. It requires dedication, determination and passion too
- qualities which must have been inherent in Jules Bashir, as surely as they
are present now in Julian Bashir."

"Believe me, I appreciate what you're trying to do, Garak," said Julian with
a sad smile. "I'm glad that - well, that you don't despise me for what I
am, or for not being honest with you before this."

"I could never despise you, Julian," said Garak forcefully. He leaned forward,
reaching across the distance between them to take the doctor's slender hands
between his own broad, grey palms. "As far as I am concerned this changes
nothing between us. If anything it only goes to prove that we have even more
in common than I had realised." Garak squeezed the young man's fingers
reassuringly.

"Thank you." Julian's voice was a barely audible whisper. "I - couldn't bear
it if you wanted to end our friendship."

Sensing the doctor's need for more tangible comfort, Garak got up and moved
to sit beside him on the sofa, without relinquishing his hold on Julian's
hands. The doctor leaned against the Cardassian, laying his head on the broad
shoulder. The warm solidity of Garak's body was comforting and he finally
began to relax a little, feeling the tension slowly drain out of him. However,
his mind refused to be distracted as easily as his body.

"I still wish my parents could have accepted me for who and what I was though,"
continued Julian once he was settled.

"I am certain they had your best interests at heart," Garak assured him.

"But they never really gave me a chance." Julian knew he should simply let
the matter drop, going over and over the same old ground changed nothing.
Yet it still pained him so much, and he needed to try and rationalise that
pain to himself. "Why didn't they just give me a little more time to be who
I was destined to be?"

Carefully Garak shifted his position until he was looking directly at Julian.
The starlight threw shadows on the doctor's face and Garak could not see
his eyes clearly, but he could guess at the hurt clouding them. Gently the
Cardassian withdrew one of his hands from Julian's and raised it to press
the palm against the smooth skin of the young man's cheek. Julian leaned
into the touch, enjoying the warmth against his face.

"Julian, I appreciate how much this hurts you and why you want to understand.
But whatever your parents' reasons it is much too late now to go back. What
is done is done." Garak's hand stroked the doctor's cheek softly, affectionately.
"You are who you are now - Julian Bashir, a talented, successful doctor
and a caring, compassionate man. Yes, you were given certain abilities above
and beyond those you were born with, but it was up to you to make the best
use of them. No matter how you feel about the manner in which those talents
came to you I think what you have achieved with them is something you can
be proud of. My dearest Julian, if others can accept you as you are, why
can you not do so too?"

Julian drew back, out of reach of the enticing touch. His hazel eyes were
wide as he stared dumbly at his companion. It was not simply Garak's encouraging
words, or even the way his fingers had touched him, but...

My dearest Julian... That's what he called me... The doctor struggled
to keep his breathing steady as his heart abruptly began to pound in his
chest. The affectionate caress, the unthinking use of the endearment - was
this to be the catalyst for the final, irrevocable change in his long
relationship with the Cardassian?

"Is something wrong?" asked Garak anxiously as he noticed the strange, almost
fearful expression which had settled on Julian's face.

"No - no, I don't think so," stammered the doctor uncertainly. Shyly, afraid
even now of rejection, Julian leaned closer to his friend, focusing his gaze
on the smooth, grey lips. He moved slowly, allowing Garak the opportunity
to back away if this was not what he wanted. The Cardassian's blue eyes widened
fractionally as he realised Julian's intent, but he did not try to stop what
was about to happen. Garak had been waiting far too long for the right moment.
The possibilities had been there between them ever since they had come back
from the Gamma Quadrant, perhaps even before that.

A second later the soft, human mouth brushed against his and Garak's eyelids
fluttered shut. The kiss began tentatively and quickly transmuted into something
far more intense. Garak gasped involuntarily as Julian's tongue insinuated
itself between his lips, exploring. Quite simply Cardassians did not kiss
this way. He quickly began to appreciate the intimacy of it though and responded
by stroking his own tongue against Julian's. The young man moaned his pleasure.
Eventually the need to draw breath forced them apart and they rested, foreheads
lightly touching. The sound of their breathing was loud in the otherwise
quiet room.

"Garak?" Julian's voice was uncertain as he finally broke the silence.

"Hush." Garak rested one broad finger lightly against the doctor's lips.
"I believe you are about to ask me if I mind or if you have offended me.
The answer to both questions is no. I want this as much as you do, my dear
Julian."

The doctor's response was swift and non-verbal. His mouth opened, drawing
Garak's finger inside and sucking on it gently. His tongue curled around
the tip and the Cardassian had no doubt in his mind that the young man was
imagining doing the same thing to something other than his finger. His pulse
speeded up at the thought of that beautifully warm, wet mouth enveloping
his cock and with a gasp he drew Julian tightly against him. The doctor's
hands had somehow found their way inside Garak's tunic. Now they glided over
the leathery skin, seeking out the most sensitive spots - the ridges which
softened as Julian's fingers rubbed them and the hard peaks of his nipples.

It was too much, and yet not enough. With an impatient cry Garak drew back
and with unsteady hands began to pull at the fastenings of his clothes. With
a tender smile, touched by the emotions which for once were plain to read
on the Cardassian's face, Julian helped him and then in turn accepted Garak's
assistance to remove his uniform. He lay back invitingly along the length
of his sofa and Garak covered the slender form with his own stockier body.
It felt wonderful. The total acceptance implicit in this closeness warmed
Julian as surely as the Cardassian's higher body temperature and he revelled
in it.

The hard length of Garak's cock pressed against Julian's thigh enticingly,
its natural lubricant dampening his skin. His own equally firm erection was
trapped between their close-pressed bodies where it rubbed against the smooth
scales of the Cardassian's belly. The unfamiliar texture of Garak's skin
stimulated him more with every breath. In its turn Julian's body offered
unexpected sensations to Garak as the tightly curled hair at the doctor's
groin tickled him. He reached a hand between them to explore. As his fingers
played with the soft curls they found the unadorned length of Julian's cock,
so different from his own ridged member. Garak's hand wrapped around the
intriguingly smooth shape and Julian thrust his hips gently, making small
appreciative sounds as the Cardassian continued his explorations.

Garak reached up and captured Julian's willing mouth in a deep, probing kiss.
He decided he much preferred the human way of kissing and the doctor seemed
to be enjoying it as much as he was. Their tongues duelled as Garak firmly
stroked and squeezed Julian's cock. His thumb spread the growing wetness
at its tip as his hand kept up its rhythmic contractions, bringing Julian
to the brink and then releasing him. The young man convulsed as the pleasure
overwhelmed him. The Cardassian continued caressing him gently until his
breathing calmed. Julian smiled up at him lazily, but the familiar sparkle
was back in his eyes. Garak was more than happy to see it there.

"Mmm, Garak, I cannot begin to tell you how glad I am you dropped by to see
me." The words were spoken lightly, but the undertone of sincerity was quite
apparent. "What can I possibly do to show my appreciation properly?" Julian
asked then, in a low, teasing voice. The Cardassian caught hold of one of
his hands, guiding it down until it touched Garak's still hard cock. But
instead of taking hold of it as Garak had expected, Julian merely wriggled
out from under the Cardassian's body and perched on the edge of the sofa,
looking down at him thoughtfully. When Garak would have protested the doctor
shook his head. "No, I believe I made you a promise of sorts earlier, didn't
I?" he said softly.

Garak's brow creased in confusion until Julian's hands rolled him onto his
back. The doctor knelt at his side, admiring the sturdy erection with its
spiralling pattern of ridges and dark, purplish tip. His hands encircled
the base, steadying it and then he bent his head. Garak gasped as the warm
mouth engulfed his cock. Now he understood what the doctor had meant and
the reality proved even better than his imagining. Julian's teeth grazed
the sensitive ridges as he sucked at the hard flesh between his lips. Garak
writhed in uninhibited pleasure and reached his peak in a startlingly short
time. Julian accepted the Cardassian's offering, lapping the last traces
of the spicy fluid from the very tip of Garak's cock before he released it
from his mouth. Then Julian reached up to kiss his lover, sharing the taste
of it with him as their tongues lazily intertwined. Garak moaned softly at
the sheer eroticism of the gesture.

The Cardassian tried to pull his thoughts into some semblance of coherence.
This outcome was certainly not the one he had imagined when he arrived
at Julian's door! Anger, confusion, concern - he had experienced them all
when he first learned what the doctor had been hiding from him, but in the
end Garak's deep affection for Julian had won out - Garak wasn't quite ready
yet to give his feelings any other name. But whatever emotions he was inclined
to ascribe to himself, after the slow progress of their relationship over
the past few years the Cardassian had never dreamed it would culminate in
a consummation like this. He had seen Julian Bashir passionate about many
things, but to have all that passion suddenly focused on him... Garak permitted
himself a contented sigh as he contemplated the future.

Julian closed his eyes, also savouring the new-found intimacy. Garak had
accepted him, made love to him and not, as he had feared, turned from him
in disgust. To the Cardassian he was still the same Julian Bashir he had
always been - genetic enhancements and all. That knowledge gave Julian hope.
If Garak could see past his enhancements perhaps others would too. Maybe
he didn't need to hide any more.

For a moment Julian found himself wondering what his parents - or for that
matter Garak's father, were he still alive - would think of this development.
After all, had it not been for the discovery of their equally troubled family
backgrounds he and Garak might never have taken the step from friendship
to becoming lovers. But as the Cardassian leaned down, drawing the young
man back onto the sofa and into his embrace, Julian realised that he really
didn't care what they thought. This relationship mattered to no one but Garak
and himself - and they had only one another to please.