Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The meltdown arrived. It was expected, but made me sad just the same. Alyssa was owly. I have no other word for it. I did the unforgivable and asked about her day and I got nothing but sass! And, then, when I called her on it, and requested an apology, MELTDOWN! I won't go into details, just to say that it was not a major meltdown, and as meltdowns go, pretty tame. But, it got to me! It smacked me right in the face and forced me to realize that we are still traveling this RAD road and the destination is really no where in sight. We go for such a long period of time thinking that we are "normal" and then a day comes along, a stinkin' day, and your heart aches for the hurts of your child. And to top it off, Daddy gets the "I Love You"! What did I get this morning? Why do you always have to be so mean? Yup, that's me, the mean Mom! I'm the one that gets the most crap, the most grief, and I keep coming back for more. Yup, I'm mean all right! I get yelled at and glared at, but I am still the one that turns around and helps with homework and I do it with a smile on my face!

I give everything I have to give and it is not enough! I don't have the power to fix the hurts that Alyssa feels. I don't have the power to make it all better. I can give Alyssa all the tools she needs. I can pray that she will open her heart up enough to use them. I can be here, waiting with open arms for her to be ready to let me help. If only she gets strong enough to ask!