COPYRIGHT (c)

Don't be an ass. Seriously. If you can't write, you can't write. Period! Don't steal my stuff... if you do, the wrath of the gods of Olumo rock will fall on your head, your hair will not stay combed, mad men will invade your home, food in the freezer will spoil mysteriously. NO-ONE WILL TALK TO YOU AT PARTIES!!!

There are many things that mark my period. Sudden overwhelming urge for neatness and to organize, cramps or no cramps (it’s always a surprise which my body goes with) over-efficient bowel movement, bra suddenly becomes over-snug and a loss of appetite for everything but gari and meat, lots AND LOTS of meat.

But yesterday, I found something else in the goody bag from nature dearest. I wanted to be alone. Not the normal alone, but I actually didn’t want to talk or chat with even my friends. I wanted to burrow in my room and lie on my bed and drone on, my whole body hurt. Then i started to feel angry and the anger was directed at Mr. On-again/ off-again, i wanted to call him and tear him a piece of my mind. For some reason, the fact that I had had to call him again the day before was now getting to me a full 24 whole hours later, even though he had explained that he was getting parts for his recently acquired car that had broken down. “He will tell me who he thinks he is,” i muttered under my breathe as I dialed his number “why I will call you once and you cannot return the call like a normal person, making someone to worry unnecessarily. Rubbish.”

His number didn’t go through, I was out of airtime. I tried to buy some through my account but it kept saying no network connection. “If I dont go and make a formal complaint at this useless bank tomorrow, I am a goat,” i declared angrily. I decided I wanted to message a friend to send me airtime to call this guy and go through with the aforementioned mind-tearing till I remembered I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Bummer.

I was as worked up as the mad hatter on steroids at this point and soon, my head started to hurt, talk about frying pan to fire.

I went to every ones favourite doctor to find out what was happening, how contagious it was and how long I had to live.

Web MD.

Scrolling through the life-threatning options, my eyes zeroed in on PMS. My period? How is my period making me have body aches, headaches and making getting up difficult?

Apparently, my body is so disappointed that I am not pregnant that it does this to me…makes me a crazy person. “So, you won’t get pregnant, hunh? Well, I will just fill you up with hormones and make you get extrememly emotional, see how you like that!”

Makes me wonder though, have I been getting hormonal for over a decade and not known it, or is this just a surprise package from mother nature, the worst mother of all, to see what’ll happen? Only time will tell, only time will tell.