Badger Jokes

A couple driving home run over a badger they get out and find it is still breathing but freezing cold

Husband says, "put it between your legs to keep it warm",

Wife replies "but it is all wet and it stinks,

He say, "well hold the badgers nose then!"

I called the ASPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road

"Are they moving?" asked the operator

"Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"

A hunter sat in a bar.

A hunter walks into a bar, bragging that he can recognize any kind of animal skin by touch alone. When no one seems impressed he adds that he's also able to identify the exact weapon used to kill the animal.

This intrigues the other guests and they decide to put his boast to the test. After w...

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.

Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The female stink badger has 12 potent smelling nipples..

dozen tit make scents

A buzzard carrying two dead badgers tried to check in at the airport for his flight.

The gate attendant told him, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion."

Which was the best Donald Trump joke that you heard?

For me

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton die and go to hell.

They are lined up in front of three doors. The first is opened to reveal a swarm of wasps and mosquitoes. Satan's voice booms "Mr. Obama you have sinned, and now you must spend all of eternity with these v...

3 hunters were walking in a forest when they came across some tracks.

One hunter claims they were bear tracks.

The second frowns, and says "No, those are certainly badger tracks."

The third just laughs and says, "Honestly! You two crack me up! Those are *obviously* baby elephant tracks!"

A guy walks into a bar and starts talking to the bartender

Guy:Iam 22 and work in a fast food place and will probably wont do any thing better and my co-workers make fun of me all day

Bartender:learn the ways of the honey badger

Guy:and if i told ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there's this duck...

...and one day he's walkin down the street when he gets a huge craving for some donuts. So he goes to the bakery and walks in and says to the baker "hey man can i get a dozen donuts, half glazed and half boston creme?" And the baker's like "No, you can't. We don't serve ducks here." And the duck's a...

[Long] The American Fox Hunt

The US president, wanting to see which of his intelligence agencies was the best, released a fox into a wood and asked various agencies to catch it.

The NSA goes first. They tap the phone lines within the rabbit holes and monitor any internet searches on fox related topics within the wood. Af...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The real 12 days of Christmas

Miss Agnes McHolstein

69 Cash Avenue

Beaver Valley, Colorado

December 14, 1979

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With deepest l...

Why don't University of Wisconsin football players ever date University of Minnesota cheerleaders?

Ever seen what a badger does to a gopher hole?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A depressed man walks into a bar...

A man, suffering his worst day ever, walks into a bar. The Bartender immediately notices the man is downtrodden and says, "What's wrong, man?"

The man explains, "Today has just been the worst. I got fired from my job, and since i came home early, I found my wife cheating on me with my brot...

Second half centipede

The animals and the insects were always competing as to which group was greater. The insects argued that they were greater in number and more diversified. The animals argued they rat were more highly developed and had greater abilities. To prove which group was greater they agreed to have a foot...

TIL Every animal has its own specific mating call

A bird sings, a frog croaks, a badger clickets, a grasshopper chirps, a deer croons, and I beg.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three blondes are walking in the forest...

..when they come to a set of tracks. The first one decides she is gonna try her best to look smart in front of the other two and claims that based by the look of the tracks they belong to a badger. The second trying not to be outdone claims that the first had it all wrong and they were definitely ra...