One day at a time... and, in better news, little miss S is just the cutest dang thing you've ever seen (aside from all of your cutie pies, of course), can't stop talking while sucking in her lower lip so she sounds like she's under water. Ha!

Now I have that Edie Brickell song stuck in my head. Little Miss S.

I'll be back tomorrow with a plus-sized rant about the rest of my week and how everyone is having fun but me.

to Dena and lnf I can't even begin to imagine how you feel, but I've been thinking of you.

JSH - I'm sorry you're struggling again. T is sucking in his lower lip, too. Very cute, makes him look like he's deep in thought, or just ate a lemon... T and S were born the same day!

Bedtime tonight was a 2 hour deal. Granted, it was one of the more pleasant, but it took forever. Bath at 8, play time for 10 minutes after that, then 10 minutes of "calm down" walking around (JENFL - T often needs to be calmed down before nursing, too, but not always) and then 30 minutes of nursing to sleep. 2 min before I was going to get up, he wakes up completely and we have to start all over again. He was doing the "fish on a hook" (thanks to whoever made that analogy last week) but thanks to someone else's suggestion I switched sides and that seemed to work. But it was another 30 minutes before I could leave. Nipples are sore, and I feel like I lost 2 hours. Well, 1. I assume bedtime will usually take 30-60 minutes.
Now he'll probably wake up in 45 min and want to nurse back to sleep. My nipples need a break! Although just today I was telling someone that I miss the time I could just chill on the couch with him latched on. Those were the days. I guess I'd better be careful what I wish for!!

JSH - I'm sorry you're struggling again. T is sucking in his lower lip, too. Very cute, makes him look like he's deep in thought, or just ate a lemon... T and S were born the same day!

Thanks for your thoughts, and thanks to everyone for always being there for me and never saying, "ahhh, just suck it up!"
And, Triony, so cute! Maybe 4/18 babies are lip suckers?
Since the sucked in lip makes her kinda go "mmmmm" when she's talking, I'm pretending she's trying to say "mama"!

When I got pregnant DH was sort of bummed because it meant he'd have to miss the yearly beach trip with his friends. I didn't want to do anything to make him resent that I was pregnant, so I told him that of course he would be able to go to the beach, but maybe for only part of the week.

He leaves today and comes back Saturday.

Every year I either go to the beach with them and/or to Falcon Ridge Folk Festival in New York. This year I am doing neither.

My friend is staying with me tonight on his way to Falcon Ridge.

My facebook is inundated with people talking about going to Falcon Ridge and getting prepared.

Another really good friend is going to be in the mountains for the rest of the week.

So, I'm stuck at home alone with the baby. I'm pet sitting my friend's dog while he goes to Falcon Ridge. This is sort of good and bad. Bad because I have to take care of yet another being by myself. Good because he's a huge frightening-looking sweatheart of a dog, and so he'll make me feel safer home alone.

I'm just feeling very down that everyone is going to the beach, falcon ridge, the mountains, etc, and having a great time. And I'm terrified of being home alone with L for so long (I so don't know how you single moms do it). And I'm feeling resentful of DH about it all, even though I'm the one who told him to go.

How do I cook dinner with a screaming baby? How do I clean up my huge wreck of a house with a screaming baby? How the heck am I going to shower? Eat dinner?

Why does DH get to have this fun vacation when I don't? I have no vacation days left after my maternity leave. So, I'm stuck at work while the rest of the world is having fun.

Okay, this is kinda horrifying, but has anyone dealt with head lice? I think I have it. Ahhhhh. Monday and this morning I combed out a live louse. I have very thick, brown hair so when dh and I looked through my scalp we couldn't see anything.

My kids had it years ago but i only saw one live one.

I guess I better start washing all the bedding and pillows and treat everyone. My kids have been at their dads for the last 10 days but I guess I better let him know too?

I feel like chopping off my hair rather than have to comb for nits and admit to everyone that I have it.

Our rainbow baby, Anna Beatrice was born April 11/2010 after 4 m/c. She joins 4 brothers and sisters.

SCG - I feel for you. That is a heck of a lot of work. I would be tempted to cut my hair, too.

Rhi - I am in the same boat. Dh is still working temp jobs and so really can't take time off - he was lucky to get two days when the girls were born - and even if he did get time off we really can't afford to go anywhere. Even going to his parents' lake house means hiring a house sitter. Sigh. And I totally understand you feeling resentful of your dh, even though you told him to go. If it were me I would secretly want him to say, no, honey, I wouldn't want to go without you and L.

Ok, the barbarian duo (sorry, LNF, had to steal that - when the babies are walking we will upgrade to horde) is demanding to be fed. Silly kids. Such unreasonable expectations.

Rhi: (((hugs))) I understand how you feel. I hate reading everyone's updates about the beach, the mountains, etc when there is no way we can afford to go anywhere.

And I think it's reasonable to feel resentful that dh is going while you stay home alone. It's easy to make promises when you're pregnant not knowing how you'll feel with the baby once they actually there.

SCG: Argh! I have nothing to add to what you already have. I hate hate dealing with lice which we had to do a lot when I was a teenager as my mom taught elementary school.

Yesterday I went to a friend's house, and tried out her exersaucer. Rowena was able to touch her feet to the floor on the lowest setting and she seemed to like it. My mom offered to pick one up so I think we'll do it. My friend also gave me some stuff and we talked diapers. I decided to try and knit a skirtie. Nervous but excited to have a fun project. And I'm about to order some more covers.

Dh decided to take the job but he's been having a hard time getting a hold of the HR person.

I'm a semi-working mom again! My mom is off on a week-long trip and I've been taking care of their internet business at a reduced level (they put up notice that everyone's on vacation so no one expects to get their order). DH, DD, Sprout, and I have gone in these past two mornings -- DD runs around the warehouse and plays with boxes and cardboard and helps me with little things, DH holds Sprout and wears him when he needs to nap, and I process orders and pack boxes. Right now, DH and DD are picking up a visitor at the airport, and Sprout is napping in a pack-n-play in the office while I surf mothering.

Rhi - I totally hear you. That would really bug me too. I get worried when i have to do 1 evening alone! Can you maybe work out a deal where you get a day to yourself someday soon? Can you have some friends come over and make or bring you dinner this week? My DH always suggests that I invite people ov or go somewhere when he has to be out at night. That never sounds good to me though, then I'll have to entertain someone else AND deal with screaming baby...

My dh's leave just got cut, so planning our vacations and trips this year just got really complicated.

I'm back to feeling really frustrated with naps during the day. It is so hard to get T to nap. I spend an hour or more with him trying to get him down, and then I never know how long he'll stay down. He's no lo ger napping well in any carrier, though it's a good way to get him to sleep. But I have to be constantly moving. I can't even stop long enough to grab the bag of laundry to take downstairs without him fussing about it. Then ensues trying ti get him out of the carrier without waking him up, or waiting the 20-30 min till he wakes up (mad) and then nursing him back to sleep. Which could take up to an hour.
Oh, and my tailbone still !really! Hurts

I like that mayo and vinegar idea. I think I'll do that one. I'll have to get DH to nit comb my hair for me afterwards. Told ex to check kids and at least they've been gone long enough that I don't have to worry about their bedding or stuffies.

Our rainbow baby, Anna Beatrice was born April 11/2010 after 4 m/c. She joins 4 brothers and sisters.

rhi, i feel you. i was bummed yesterday when my husband went to lunch with his parents! it's just so hard to reconcile being the primary caregiver/food machine and the freedom my husband continues to have. not saying you do this, but i waffle a lot in my emotions over balancing the blessedness and pure annoyance i feel. imnsho, your husband should have cleaned the house before he left!

weird that the march DDC came down the third week of the month. do they warn us? is there a particular date? i want to know since i've volunteered to set up our thread in life w/ a babe...

Rhi, that sucks, I'm sorry! Can he owe you really, really bigtime when he gets back? Grr...
My DH gets to go to a super fun party that some friends throw once a year for their birthdays - this year there are supposed to be waterslides and bounce houses and the like - I was so excited about going WITH him and baby, but I got hired for a wedding that day. So I told him, "I can't make it and I'm so sad but I need the income" and he said, "oh, bummer, I was really hoping to go without the baby so I can just hang out with my friends and drink beer, I didn't want to have to babysit."
ARGH! I hate hate hate it when dads say "babysit" for their own child (although DH caught himself and apologized for that). I am already so sad that I dont' get to go, not like I really wanted to work and drive two hours each way and be away from my kid. But we need the money, and that is my freaking job. I even bid the job more pricey than I normally would and they still hired me. Silly people

So, last night DH got up with the baby and fed her by BM bottle so I could get uninterrupted sleep. Well... we all know that we can't REALLY sleep uninterruptedly, even without the baby there - my mom sense is cranked up too high. So it took awhile for me to get into a deep sleep, and when I finally did, DH brought DD in crying loudly at 3:30a.m. because she wouldn't take the bottle.
Sigh.
So I fed her and put her back in her room with him, and then I lay in bed until maybe 5:30 just stressing out about how my one chance for sleep was a failure, and how low I have been feeling, and how this means I'm going to fall back into the black hole of PPD, yada yada yada. I finally calmed down and took some 5HTP to help me go back to sleep. Then he brought the baby back in to me when he was getting up for work at 7am (even though she was still asleep? and moving her woke up her, argh). We nursed and I got to sleep again until about 8:30. So, I'm feeling okay, and a little better, but I still feel scared/ worried/ stressed/ exhausted.
The things I was thinking at 4am were really awful and terrifying, but I have more clarity and patience with myself this morning, so maybe I'm not going to the booby hatch yet (unless by "booby" I mean nursing)...

Just, I never realized how desperately sleep seemed tied to sanity, you know? I figured it'd be hard and I'd be tired and grouchy and sleepy, but... yowza!

Ivy, how are you doing?

Everyone else, hope you're getting some rest! We are typically doing a feed around 10pm, then 3am, then 6 or 7am. Sometimes more. It's not great but it's not the worst, and she'll usually fall back asleep off and on for hours throughout the morning. But after a certain point in the morning I can't fall back asleep, which is why I'm up at 9-10am this morning even though the baby's still asleep. Rats!

rhi, i feel you. i was bummed yesterday when my husband went to lunch with his parents! it's just so hard to reconcile being the primary caregiver/food machine and the freedom my husband continues to have. not saying you do this, but i waffle a lot in my emotions over balancing the blessedness and pure annoyance i feel. imnsho, your husband should have cleaned the house before he left!

Yes, my husband has said a few times "I just don't have any time to myself" and each time it's all I can do not to throttle him. I have to remind him that I really, truly have no time to myself, morningnoonandnight, and that if I ever do, it's so I can work or sleep. God forbid I get to take a bath or dick around doing nothing for a change. Grr!

What's hard for me to get through to my husband is that I don't want "alone time" -- me out of the house away from Cecilia, or him taking her somewhere-- per se, but that doesn't mean that I don't want a break! When she's just nursed and isn't hungry is prime time for him to take her into the other room and play with her, or even stay right where I am with her. But whenever I mention that I want a break he asks if I want to go somewhere, it's like he can't understand that my version of a break would be him entertaining Cecilia instead of me.

Jess what do you do when you have middle of the night panic attacks? I am prone to insane racing thoughts at 3 am (not baby related though) and I always watch the weather channel until my mind goes numb. Oddly I've also found nursing helps relax me and relieve that anxious spiral. I don't know if it's just the physical distraction or if it releases hormones that alter my panic state somehow...

Rhi I'm sorry you are stuck at home. I have such a hard time not resenting my DH for the freedom he has to just go and do things, or the freedom to sit and eat at a restaurant, or sleep all night long.

He is not a partner in baby care at all. He will maybe hold the baby for 5 minutes unhappily while I go and do some chore, but that's it. I was trying to clean the chicken pens last night (omg flies everywhere suddenly!) and he kept trying to shove the baby back on me. Makes me so frustrated.

When he complains he never has any time to himself I want to smack him upside the head. He drives an hour to and from work alone in the car listening to whatever he wants. He showers and poops alone daily, often more than once a day for the latter. I haven't done any of that in YEARS. /rant

I have to admit, my DH is generally doing a wonderful job of keeping me from burning out. He bounces her to sleep every night (which is why I'm terrified of the next few nights) for me. He bounces her in a carrier many other times, too. He'll play with her. He gladly changes diapers.

He totally deserves this trip. But I keep thinking that I deserve it, too! But then, obviously I can't go, because it's just not an infant-friendly trip, plus I have no time to take from work.

He does come home at night and immediately go play drums, at least many nights. And one night my back was KILLING me, and I just needed to sleep without the baby on me, so I asked if he could bounce her and then try to put her in the swing and see if she'd sleep there for a while. In the room with the swing he has his laptop and the tv with netflix. But he whined that he usually goes downstairs (where his good computer with video games is) after he brings her to me. I wanted to kick him. I'm asking for a couple of hours of her not sleeping on me, where she's sleeping in the swing, and you can play on the internet or watch movies, and you're whining because you can't go downstairs and play video games? Give me a break.

But... seriously, for the most part he's great. We went out with some of our birth class the other night and I found out that two of the dads have never changed a single poopy diaper. DH changes them without complaint.

I'm very lucky and have absolutely no complaints about DH and baby care. When he's around, he changes every diaper and holds Sprout at least half the time -- maybe even more! When we go out, he almost always wears Sprout AND carries the baby supplies.

It works well for us because he loves the baby stage, and I don't. I can give DD more attention and know that Sprout is well-cared for.

He goes out probably an average of one night every two weeks or so, but he never goes out until both kids are in bed (of course, that's by 7pm).

On the other hand, we see him very little from Friday midday until Monday afternoon, and I'm the sole bedtime/overnight person for 3 nights.

We're actually thinking of going out together in the next few weeks! Since Sprout needs no intervention from bedtime (7pm) until midnight-2am, we're thinking of having my mom stay at the house one evening and the two of us going to see a movie after the kids are in bed. How amazing would that be?!

My DH is much better than he was with DS. Still not so great on REMEMBERING to change diapers, but will do them without too much whining.

We went out for the first time without both kids (!!!). One of my 13yo students babysat and did WONDERFULLY with them.

I, however, was a moron and got stupidly drunk (I never do this, as a disclaimer - haven't had more than 2 beers in a sitting since college) and now I am hung over and watching 2 kids who yell too loud. Oy.

DH thinks this is hilarious, of course, and he's right - I only have myself to blame. Stupid, stupid.

so is feeling like a complete failure and breaking down and crying over the ruined cheese that was left out a sign of something?

I'd say it's a sign You've had a lot of crap coming down these last few months and then you have the hormone letdown on top of it. Are there any resources for you right now?

I'm also very lucky in that dh is a partner. He's been a little gun shy with Rowena though. I think it's a combo of not being around so much when she was first born, and the fact that she's a total mama's girl. But he does hold her whenever he can, and I'll miss those baby free showers once he starts work again He also does so much with the older kids. My only compliant is that he expects me to do way too much. He plans three or four outings a day and I'm just not up for it. It's bloody hot here, and I"m not up to toting a baby all over the place when it's 96 out.

As for the job, he's been calling HR for two days and no one is returning the call.

The societal double standard of baby care is kind of funny. I've never heard a guy (not even a SAHD) say "My wife/girlfriend is so awesome! She changed a poopy diaper!" If he did, everyone would look at him like he was crazy.

I'm really lucky in that my husband is an equal parts caregiver when he's here.
It's weird how that almost makes me feel guilty. I always thank him for "helping me out", and he always tells me that these are his kids too, and I don't have to thank him for taking part in their care.
I just wish he was here more often.
He works two jobs and I really miss him today.

Mama to a couple of full-moon caul-bearing rockstar girls:9yo and brand new as of 4/28/10!

Hi everyone,
Ive never been on a weekly thread before. I am so behind with whats going on with everyone else and I've never really posted anything but questions or replies. I know a little of whats going on with a few of you who from question posts but thats really it. If anyone has time to just do a quick update on their current status w/ baby and other kids I would LOVE It!
I really want to keep up with you guys. This is so great.

This is where Im at right now.
I have 3 kids- a 7 yr old girl, a 5 yr old boy, and my 12 week old April baby.
Getting into the swing of 3 kids and trying to keep them all happy is challenging, almost impossible, but awesome!
The two big ones are absolutely in LOVE with their baby sister and the transition has gone a lot more smoothly than I thought it would.
The only thing that has changed is that they are bickering more and getting on each others nerves since I have to nurse the baby and carry her all day.

Im fully recovered from my third c/s (after my failed vbac). Sometimes the insicion is a tiny bit sore but nothing really.
The baby is 17 pounds and breaking my back already. Her leg snaps in some of her 6 month outfits dont even snap.
She is so delicious and has so much to say all day. I want to eat her voice.
She constantly talks and her tone of voice goes with what ever mood she has. When she's unhappy, her eybrows go down and she has a lot to say in a very serious voice. Its hysterical.
She sleeps in my bed in a snuggle nest (which she is way too big for)
She takes 20-40 min naps about 3 or 4 times a day.

My Dh works long hours and is usually gone before we get up and gets home most nights after the other kids are in bed. Its worth it to us so I can stay home with them.
Today he took the day off and took my 5 yr old Ds to Yankee stadium, which Im very freaked out about. He's never been more than 10 min. away. Dh has been telling me he wants to do this for a long time, so I had to give in. I dont think I would have been ok with it till he turns 17 otherwise.
7 yr old dd and the baby and I went out for Mexican food ( I ate enough for 3 people) and icecream. It was a special day for just us girls.
Now Im being begged to play Legos. I better do it before the little time bomb baby goes off!

My DH has gotten better about giving me breaks - physical and mental - but he wasn't always (we're on our third kid, he's had practice), and still has stupid moments. I do get angry when he brings her to me as soon as she starts fussing, assuming it's ninny she wants, but When i get a break i make sure to put distance between us (I go downstairs/outside) or I get involved in cleaning/organizing, which DH appreciates and will try to give me as much time as he can. And as much as i loathe housework, it IS nice to accomplish something and leave a room looking nice, when the rest of the house is trashed.

I'm doing okay today. More good days lately, and the bad days have an obvious trigger, verses a couple weeks ago when i just couldn't pick my head up off the floor long enough to make sense of it all. I'm being more honest with DH about my internal chaos, and in turn he's done what he can to limit the external chaos. We're having money issues right now, and usually they send me into a tailspin because I am the one who has to untangle and rebudget it all, but he's taken it on and is keeping me in the loop without just dumping it all on me, which is new.

Jess what do you do when you have middle of the night panic attacks? I am prone to insane racing thoughts at 3 am (not baby related though) and I always watch the weather channel until my mind goes numb. Oddly I've also found nursing helps relax me and relieve that anxious spiral. I don't know if it's just the physical distraction or if it releases hormones that alter my panic state somehow...

Rhi I'm sorry you are stuck at home. I have such a hard time not resenting my DH for the freedom he has to just go and do things, or the freedom to sit and eat at a restaurant, or sleep all night long.

He is not a partner in baby care at all. He will maybe hold the baby for 5 minutes unhappily while I go and do some chore, but that's it. I was trying to clean the chicken pens last night (omg flies everywhere suddenly!) and he kept trying to shove the baby back on me. Makes me so frustrated.

When he complains he never has any time to himself I want to smack him upside the head. He drives an hour to and from work alone in the car listening to whatever he wants. He showers and poops alone daily, often more than once a day for the latter. I haven't done any of that in YEARS. /rant

Pepper, I do tend to have middle of the night panic attacks. Ugh, they are the worst!

Actually, I'm realizing that I've never really gotten the "happy relaxing hormones" from nursing. Certainly I love nursing sometimes and feel happy, but not in a rush of hormones kinda way. Maybe it's cause she doesn't nurse for very long? Sometimes I get the giggles, don't know what THAT is about
Today, though, I actually felt a rush of sad hormones while nursing. Yeah, I'm gonna get me some new SSRIs

Rhi - I'm sorry about your hubby and the beach vacation, that stinks. If it were me, I wouldn't have let him go :. At least for me the struggles don't seem to go away with time. I hear people say all the time "I don't remember what my life was like before I had kids", um well I do. And as much as I love my kids and wouldn't change my life for anything I miss my life before them too - being able to go to the movies every weekend, doing whatever we wanted at the drop of a hat, not having to schedule our lives around naptime/bedtime, etc. I often wish I could just hit pause and put them up on a shelf - pause the baby to spend time with DD1, pause DD1 to spend time with the baby and pause both of them to spend time by myself. There is just never enough time for it all.
And now with two, it is a new dilemma and more frustrating. There is so much cool stuff that I'd love to do with DD1 but I can't because I can't leave DD2 with DH for very long. I find myself everyday wishing that men could breastfeed too. DH is a homebody and would love nothing more than spending every evening and weekend at home. I'm the one who wants to take DD1 hiking or to soccer or the zoo, etc. It would work perfect if he could be the one to be home with the baby but alas it is not so.
You could try to think of it as you got to spend every day with her for 3 months while he had to go to work all those days, so yeah he gets a few days at the beach but you got 3 months of baby bliss

As for DHs mine is ok. He changes diapers, he tries to give me breaks, lets me sleep in with the baby on weekends, does stuff with DD1, is fine being left home with both kids while I run to the store, etc.

But with the baby he doesn't try very hard. With him, if the baby isn't happy she is freaking out screaming miserable and I feel like he doesn't do enough to try and soothe her. Now granted I'm not the one with her, but I think he thinks she isn't going to stop crying anyways not matter what he does so why bother and he just does the bare minimum. Also when he is the one responsible for her when we're both home he rarely holds her, just sits her in the bouncy seat and if he does hold her, he's not interacting with her, just holding her while he does something else (tv, reading, video games). Granted, she hasn't been warm to him - I get 90% of the smiles, but still.....I know he isn't a fan of the baby stage and he'll do better with her when she is older. And I'm the one who really wanted this baby so I knew going into it I'd be picking up more of the slack.

I'm pretty sure I've got thrush - DD2's got the white tongue and now I've got itchy nipples during/after feeds, I'm going to look into treating with GSE since we've got some in the house. Sigh. Of course we're going away for the weekend this weekend so it is a great time to have thrush. I also wonder how much of my pumped milk has been affected and how long we've had it. She's had the white tongue since birth.

So today DD2 didn't wake up until 10 am and so was due for her 3rd nap around 7 pm. I dragged it to 7:30 hoping it would lead to an early bedtime but she thought it was a nap. She's now happily playing on her playmat and I've got at least another hour until she'll go down again. Meanwhile it's 9:30 and I just got DD1 to bed and DH is working. Awesome night for me and another late bedtime for DD2.
Last night we went to a local fireman's carnival and it was a semi-disaster. DD2 ended up taking a 4th nap and was up until 10:30 pm and DD1 complained about everything even though she seemed to be having fun. She's going through a negative phase which makes me really want to never do anything nice/special for her since all she does is complain. I told DH last night - "Next time I want to do something fun, remind me that in the end it won't really be fun". I always have these grand plans for family outings and then my silly family goes and ruins them for me
Well, the musical light up star in DD2's playmat is dying - time to go change the batteries.