Golden Bull awards 2001

British Forces Cyprus for a letter

'The allocation is based on a balanced equity share using the same formulae as last year. Should the DE methodology or a division by category methodology have been used then some PROPMAN areas would have been severely disadvantaged.'

DfES for 'Instrument and Articles of Government for Further Education Corporations'

(Earlier in 2001, a Government order set out new rules for further education Corporations (or colleges as they were once known). Several of the rules set out how a Corporation can go about sacking or suspending a member of staff. The Golden Bull was for rule 14, paragraph 2.)

'Paragraph (1) is without prejudice to any action which the Corporation may take in relation to a clerk who is also a member of the staff by way of suspension from of termination of the appointment as clerk under the terms of any separate appointment as clerk.'

Edinburgh Council for Craigmillar Masterplan Design Guide

This document is 'a manifesto for the upbeat possibilities for new settlement at Craigmillar' (an area of Edinburgh). It opens by explaining that 'Many guides are repetitive. Lack of repetition in this one should not be taken as equivocation.'

The guide goes on to describe proposals for an 'ambitious new approach to the urban form of the suburb.' It explains that 'Any reading as an archaic walled city or fortification is obviated by the sinous form of the boundary buildings allowing swathes of green to penetrate the actual edge.'

Later the guide describes plans for 'sustainable urban drainage systems.' It says the plans 'shall include attenuation of increased flow generated by development, localised biological treatment by SUDS, flood alleviation by avoidance of further culverting, soft engineering the channel edges, and day lighting the culvert.'

These are guidelines for people taking a course in guidance. Unit 4 ('Develop and maintain interaction with clients') suggests that 'tensions between resource constraints influencing ending and client requirements are managed'. In other words, the client should know how long the interview will last.

The guidelines add the need to be sure that 'interactions avoid disabling and exploitative behaviour and encourage clients' autonomy'. Or to put it another way, 'clients are treated with respect.'

Meanwhile, in unit 23 ('Work with the caller on the telephone'), the reader discovers that 'verbal gesturing provides reassurance to caller of continued presence and sense of safety which provides encouragement to express their feelings and wishes'. In plain English, you should make sure the caller knows you are still on the line and they can talk openly to you.

Technomatic for terms and conditions

Among this document's collection of epic sentences is this 141 word beauty.

'Except in respect of death or personal injury caused by the Company's negligence the Company shall not be liable to the Customer by reason of representation (unless fraudulent) or any implied warranty, condition or other term or any duty in common law or under the express terms of the Contract for any indirect, special or consequential losses or damages (whether for loss of profit or otherwise) costs expenses or other claims for compensation whatsoever (whether caused by the negligence of the Company, its employees, agents or otherwise) which arise out of or in connection with the supply of the Goods or their use or resale by the Customer and the entire liability of the Company under or in connection with the Contract shall not exceed one and a half times the price paid for the Goods in question by the Customer.'

University of Dundee for Design rationale of corporate identity

'The geometric foundation of the design is based upon a circular form, which makes reference to the Institution's global perspective and international reputation in teaching and research. The typographic elements demonstrate a hierarchy which promotes the importance of the location within the nomenclature. The group of circles represents the incremental growth of knowledge and experience and the progressive development of the University as an educational leader. This thematic device continues through to the linear band on the right of the Shield of Arms and describes the cyclical movement of time, indicating progression and new directions.'

Wheale Thomas Hodgins plc for job advert

The advert is for a 'workplace & diversity director' for the 'Business in the Community' organisation. The lucky candidate will help 'make the most of UK PLC's Human Resources by changing its people landscape through inclusivity'. They will also make 'Business in the Community' 'the primary catalyst for change and centre of excellence on all things inclusive.' Apparently applicants will need to 'possess the leadership, gravitas and currency to impact upon your peer group.'

Plain English tools

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