Ode to Ole Nero (to the tune of Ode to Billie Joe) by Lord Clivers

It was the second of August, another sleepy, dusty Montana day
He was writing Mr. Nero sayn’ he woun’t be comin’ home today
There was a bullet going ’round, Brodell caught it and he died last spring
And now Haight he doesn’t seem to wanna do much of anything
And Mr. Nero’s safe at home wih his nose stuck in the ‘fridge
Harvey didn’t do it but a man is dead on Blue Grouse Ridge.

Well Mr. Nero said to Fritz as he had a bite of fricasee
“Well, Archie never had a lick of sense, another Ho Ho, please”
“There’s five more orchids in the greenhouse I’ve got to spray”
And Fritz said it was shame about Mister Harv, anyway
And Mr. Nero’s still at home with his face stuck in the ‘fridge
Noone knows whodunnit but a man is dead on Blue Grouse Ridge.

And Archie said he recollected when he and Harv and Ole Nero
Got together to solve the murder at Miss Lily’s rodeo
And if Harvey hadn’t helped us we coulda ended up in jail
Fritz could have packed us dinner just in case we couldn’t make bail
But Mr. Nero’s still at home with his face stuck in the ‘fridge
Archie he can’t solve it but a man is dead on Blue Grouse Ridge.

And Fritz he said to Nero, ‘Sir, what’s happened to your appetite?”
“I’ve been bastin’ all morning and you haven’t touched a single bite”
“That old orchid grower, Brother Hewitt, dropped by today”
“Said he’d be pleased to have dinner on Sunday, oh, by the way”
“Sir, you know I don’t drive and there’s no beer left in the ‘fridge”
Well faster than an arrow Wolfe was on a plane to Blue Grouse Ridge.

Alotta beers have come ‘n’ gone since the case was solved by Ole Nero
Haight lost the next election now he’s pumpin’ gas when things get slow
And Mr. Woody married Alma and they had another kid last fall
Now Woody don’t have no time for scrabble, atall
And Mr Nero he spends a lotta time with his face stuck in the fridge
Chowing on the huckleberies shipped each week fom Blue Grouse Ridge.