Category: Black Women

The title Greatest Generation is typically reserved for those that came of age around WWII. For Black Americans the Greatest Generation is those who came of age during the Black Civil Rights era. People such as Sadie Roberts-Joseph who recently lost her life to a senseless murder in Baton Rouge, LA changed the world and they don’t get enough respect for their accomplishments. This post is not a discussion of Ms. Roberts-Joseph’s murder.

Black Americans of the Civil Rights era made the blueprint for protests and activism. The LGBT movement, feminists and supporters of undocumented immigrants use the Black Civil Rights movement as a tool in which to gain sympathy for their struggles as a basis of comparison. The Black American Civil rights movement has been a source of global inspiration.

These people were real activists that sought change and got it. They risked their freedom, bodily harm and death while fighting for their rights against the most powerful country in the world. I have a great deal of respect for some Black Lives Matter organizers and protesters. But overall, the younger generation limits activism to hash tags and they accomplish very little. At times I find social media activism to be counter productive.

I enjoy social media but it is what it is and it’s not what it’s not. It’s not meaningful activism because it only makes a difference if it’s something popular. Most social media advocacy is a matter of jumping on the right on line bandwagon.

That’s why the movement to fight sexual harassment caught on but the one to fight sexual harassment in the fast food industry didn’t. There’s no glamour to the fast food industry so not many people are willing to advocate for them. That’s why there was an on line campaign to bring R. Kelly to justice but there isn’t a mainstream campaign to protect Black children from sexual abuse within the Black community. That’s why police brutality is not protested until there is a shocking video. If there isn’t a celebrity or shock value involved social media activism doesn’t seem to catch on very well.

Sadie Roberts-Joseph was not an arm chair activist. She created a legacy for her community. Ms. Roberts-Joseph founded an African American museum in Baton Rouge. She worked with law enforcement in an effort to combat gang violence and drug abuse. She also organized a Juneteenth celebration and mentored young people. Ms. Roberts-Joseph was a real treasure to her community.

Most young, so called activists do not have this same kind of spirit. They just want to throw their identity in another person’s face to be validated. There are a lot of issues facing this generation that don’t seem to get addressed. I feel like most young people are more interested in the trials and tribulations of celebrities than they are issues that affect the middle, working class and the poor.

There are a lot of people that think of themselves as “pro Black” or activists but they complain on social media all day about trivial things such as swirling (inter racial dating), fake hair and twerking. I think that all of those subjects are worth talking about but Black social media outlets beat these conversations like they are dead horses. On line activists rarely discuss the other dozens upon dozens of matters that affect Black Americans.

It is rare to run across intelligent conversations on social media about nutrition, education, health care, finance, parenting, inner city violence, domestic violence or the high infant mortality rate in our community. Most of the conversations focus on a bunch of bickering about other people’s personal choices. They want to try and change another person’s ideology instead of getting up from behind their lap tops and mobilizing something that will positively affect lives where they live.

And all of that is actually fine with me. Perhaps people are mostly satisfied with their lives and simply enjoy complaining on the internet. Heck, I complain on social media too. But here’s the kick in the pants. A lot of the armchair activists are very critical of The Greatest Generation. They are critical of their parenting style. They are critical of their religious beliefs. And they are even critical of the activism from which they have directly benefited.

These Monday morning activists question whether integration was a good idea. They consider The Greatest Generation to be soft because they took a non violent approach to protesting. But the younger generation doesn’t stand for much at all other than inclusion and diversity. Neither issue is a priority to me as a Black American. Some don’t seem to notice that all this inclusion and diversity is pushing them out of influential positions and opportunities. But go off!

Youngsters don’t put themselves on the line. They don’t risk anything. Whether you agree with The Greatest Generation or not their accomplishments and spirit deserves respect. A lot of Black people that are the beneficiaries of the Civil Rights movement don’t offer that. It’s a shame and it’s very sad. But once again Black people turn their backs on their own accomplishments, history and culture. It seems to be so much more natural for Black Americans to tear themselves down than build themselves up for some reason.

I am a part of Generation X which is a bridge between the Greatest Generation and the people that I’m complaining about. You may ask what Generation X stood for or accomplished. Honestly, not that much. We’re kind of vapid at times. But at least we respect our elders.

Rest in peace to Miss Sadie. Her end was tragic but the story of her life is inspiring. Women like Ms. Roberts-Joseph have always been the cornerstone of Black families and communities and they are deserving of praise. She makes me proud.

The feminists are at it again. These people are harder to understand than calculus. Music producer Jermaine Dupri made a comment that most female rappers today make songs about the stripper life. Social media feminists got upset for some reason and somehow Jermaine Dupri has become a prudish hypocrite in their minds even though their response is a bit prudish. I thought feminists were in favor of “sexual liberation” and expression.

I don’t listen to much new rap music anymore. I’ve gotten too old. So if I have heard of you that means that you have become pretty darn popular. Cardi B is a hip hop pop star that has become difficult to escape. And I’ve gotten introduced to Megan Thee Stallion and City Girls. I don’t care for Cardi B. at all but I think that Megan Thee Stallion and City Girls are quite talented.

I’m a Bible thumper that believes that there is more power for women in modesty than there is in raw sexuality. I also believe that these talented young women would be better served by not flaunting their sexuality. The public will only tolerate that without mocking it while a woman is young but no one is young forever or even very long. You have to have something to sell and talk about other than sex. But I’m not the target market for the music industry and I’m in my middle forties. The City Girls and Megan didn’t ask for my opinion.

I like these girls because I can understand what they are saying. They aren’t mumble rappers that sound like they are coming out of a cold medicine induced haze. They are charismatic, energetic, young, brash and beautiful. They are urban or perhaps ratchet is the better word and make no apologies for it. Their music is fun. And yes, they are sexy and put forth a stripper like image. When I ran across their videos on You Tube they made me smile. I don’t know City Girls and Megan Thee Stallion’s backgrounds but Cardi B. was an actual stripper.

Hip hop has been filthy, blunt and telling tales of urban counter culture since the late 80s. That’s the draw and the charm. Hip hop has sold millions and probably billions because it sells a fantasy to those of us that are students, housewives and work cubicle jobs. They say and do things before an audience that most of us would never do even after a couple of shots of tequila. Feminism has done it’s job.

The City Girls parents probably hadn’t even met yet when tawdry rap music gained popularity and began to dominate the charts. Megan The Stallion and Cardi B. never really had a chance and most young women are never really given a different option to present themselves as something other than slutty. But hey, we’re talking about grown, career women and I respect their choices.

Explicit lyrics, filth and racial slurs ahead.

I thought that feminists were in favor of women expressing themselves sexually and on their own terms. That’s what the City Girls and Megan Thee Stallion are doing. It’s what Nicki Minaj did before them. And it’s what Lil Kim and Foxy Brown did before her these girls’ parents even met. The young feminist response to Jermaine Dupri’s response should have been “So what if they rap about stripping. What’s wrong with stripping?” That would have made more sense to double down on their feminist values.

More trash ahead.

Instead they name off a bunch of other current female rappers that have a more wholesome or emo image. In order to say that all young female rappers aren’t stripper like. If feminists are truly supportive of these modest rappers why aren’t they more popular? Capitalism is it’s own form of Democracy and feminists get a vote.

Jermaine Dupri is absolutely right. Most popular young female rappers are selling sex. It’s the way of the world and you need to be a real rebel to make a different choice. There may be a Lauryn Hill or Missy Elliot equivalent for today but she doesn’t seem to be selling much music. Or at least she’s not selling enough downloads and getting enough buzz to become mainstream like Cardi B.

Jermaine Dupri isn’t young anymore. He’s forty six years old and it sounds like he’s gained some wisdom along the way. He understands that there is more power for women in modesty and using talent and intelligence. I hold the same opinion but I guess I’m enough of a feminist to respect an adult woman’s life choice. He’s just trying to let young women with aspirations in the music business that their longevity is not in blatant sex appeal.

After all, Lauryn Hill still sells out concerts even though her fans know she might show up two hours late. And we’ve never seen much of her body or heard much about her sexual experiences. She did it all with talent and hard work. Punctuality, not so much.

But feminists are interested in arguing and becoming outraged no matter what. That seems to be the goal. They aren’t even standing behind their cause of sexual liberation and expression. A man got them to rally around modest rappers today which is what he was supporting. Women stay losing.

There’s been a lot of discussion about the young actress Halle Bailey playing the part of Ariel in the “The Little Mermaid”. Most of the conversation has centered around race. evidently some are upset that a Black woman is playing the character and others are upset that someone is upset. I don’t have any strong opinions on the matter but I’ve enjoyed the jokes and memes on social media surrounding our new Little Mermaid.

Who made this? 😂😂😂😂 They said the new Little Mermaid gonna be like this. Congratulations to Halle from @ChloexHalle on being cast as Ariel in Disney’s upcoming live action remake of “The Little Mermaid” You are living proof that black girl magic is real. Way to set the bar! pic.twitter.com/hIhL6bD0NQ

It’s always nice to see Black actors getting opportunities but aside from that I don’t care about this. I don’t take much interest in anything Disney related. I had never heard of Halle before. And I’m not one to take a lot of pride in a Black character being added to an all White cast of a TV show. It actually bothers me that Hollywood remakes films and they think they are being edgy by making a male character female, a White character Black or by making everybody gay. Ooooohhhhh.

While wasting time on You Tube the other day I ran across a few videos featuring Halle Bailey and her sister. I was instantly charmed. Halle Bailey is perfect. All of these people that are debating and making think pieces on this matter have sold Halle short because I didn’t hear any of them describe her as perfect until I saw this. Please watch.

Halle is the one in the red jogging suit. She is young, innocent, pure and sweet as pie. She sings like a bird and has a face like a baby doll. Disney could not have done better if they grew this girl in a lab and raised her themselves to star in their film. She was born for this and she is going to kill it. I think this will be legendary.

Her sister is lovely as well so Disney might as well put her in the film too since Ariel had a bunch of sisters. Are there more Bailey sisters? We need more! Tell me about their dad. Is he a singer? Cast him. He’s a good man and he deserves it.

Unfortunately race is a big issue in the world but I bet Disney casting agents didn’t even think of race when considering Halle for this role. I’ll bet it was an afterthought; like “oh yeah do we care that she’s Black and the cartoon isn’t? Nah me neither.”

I have a hard time imaging that there are many more young women out there who can fit the bill as well as Halle. I had no intention of seeing this movie but now that I’ve seen how talented this young star I’m actually interested. My big question is how are they going to make a live action movie about sea people? That should be the real conversation.

I am Black and a bit of a social media junkie. Social media outlets have pretty much figured out that I’m Black and they suggest pages, channels, people, places and things that other Black people frequent. I follow them as do others in my demographic. It creates little virtual communities and there you have it, the Black social media sphere. It has been fun, entertaining, and educational in good ways and bad. Black social media can be a useful and entertaining tool. But it can be very toxic.

I’ll start off by saying that Black people are not given enough credit for being so witty and creative. When I was a big Facebook and Twitter user my brothers and sisters would absolutely have me cracking up with their unique takes on various hashtags. Some social media users reminded me of the glory days of hip hop when being a little street or ghetto or whatever you call was meshed with intelligence and insight. We don’t get to see that much in the media anymore. I miss it.

Black social media users have also brought attention to injustices in America such as police brutality and racism in common places. Cell phone video and social media has given justice to many Black people that never would have gotten it otherwise. I think that is wonderful and heroic.

But I’ve decided to not follow a lot of Black social media pages due to the nature of the speaker or his or her followers. I blocked The Shade Room on IG years ago and my quality of life immediately improved. I stopped following the 1990s rapper David Banner because I got tired of being a defender of the faith. I blocked The Amazing Lucas on You Tube because he is trying a little too hard to prove that he is a conservative Black man. It’s sad to watch a Black man pander to people that way.

It’s difficult to build a social media following unless you already have some sort of claim to fame, an amazing talent or you fit a particular beauty standard and decide to flaunt your body for the sake social media popularity. I’m guessing that it may even be more difficult for non celebrity Black people to build a large following because I rarely see Black people discussing things that wouldn’t be considered a Black interest on social media. I’ve figured that the best way for Black people to gain a social media following is by being controversial within the on line Black community.

I think Black men have it the hardest in the social media world. It’s a little harder for them to find their social media niche. Many Black women and feminine Black men have gained social media notoriety by creating celebrity gossip outlets, make up and hair tutorials.

But I don’t see many Black men creating channels that aren’t about dissecting matters in the Black community. It seems to me that the easiest way for a Black man to gain a large social media following is by talking about such matters and blaming Black women for them. Some of the most successful Black You Tubers that I’m aware of are men that think that Black women are solely responsible for every single problem in the Black community. Like, seriously every – single – one. The mental gymnastics these guys do is impressive. Actually buying into it is a personality disorder of some sort.

I’ve never followed members of the He Man’s Woman Haters Club but men that follow these ideologies show up in the comment sections of other vlogs such as gossip channels or a channel that is talking about current events to a Black audience. They drop nasty remarks about Black women’s appearances, marital status, “attitude” or whatever. They even put Black women down for going to college and pursuing careers. I would like to think that most of these remarks are coming from trolls in Moscow but I know my people and this can’t all be blamed on the Russians.

It’s like some of these guys (to be fair, I’ve had Black women make rude remarks about my appearance, especially my hair as well) know that Black women are trying to avoid them so they come to where we are in order to insult us in some way. I’ve made what I thought was an innocuous comment and have had my personal appearance attacked by my fellow social media users. People like that are usually hiding behind an anonymous profile so I can’t be sure of who they are but I’m guessing a lot of the insults based on skin color and hair texture are coming from people with similar skin color and hair texture.

After degrading Black women these gentlemen go on to put fairer skinned women on a pedestal. I don’t understand why they didn’t do that in the first place and just left us out of it. No one needs to justify their dating and marriage choices to anyone. And you shouldn’t have to put someone else down in order to express your love for someone else. Black women return the vitriol. They too have set up channels and make comments tearing Black men apart. There is no way to have a community if men and women hate each other.

Another topic that’s caught a lot of traction on Black social media is “woke” Black people telling Black Christians to stop believing in Christ. I had to block the 90s rapper David Banner for this reason. People like him are arrogant and patronizing and always use the same two or three reasons to justify their opinions.

Their reasoning displays their ignorance about the Bible, geography, human history. This “woke”, afrocentric community are the ones that believe in a White, European Jesus. Not those of us with the understanding that Bethlehem isn’t in Europe. Once again, all they need to do is follow their heart. There is absolutely no need to degrade someone else in order to justify a personal choice. Leave us out of your personal choices and I’ll leave you out of mine.

I ran across a You Tuber named The Amazing Lucas one day and I decided to follow him. After watching a few of his videos I blocked him. I don’t need anymore of his videos. He’s a young Black man that would probably describe himself as being conservative. But after a while I guess he had to work harder to prove himself.

He’s too emotional about things that aren’t that big of a deal such as the political opinions of NBA players that he’s never even heard of. Lucas is of the belief that racism is all a figment of Black America’s imagination which I find to be a very condescending and delusional view point. The Amazing Lucas doesn’t seem to understand that racism is an economic and sociological matter.

I don’t know who runs The Shade Room but they are a horrible human being and their followers are complete morons. It’s hard to find a dumber group of people on social media than what you would find on that IG page. I blocked them a long time ago because they were on there making fun of Simone Biles body. That’s right. They body shamed a world class athlete.

People that enjoy The Shade Room only like women that look like strippers. It’s all they care about or respect. They absolutely love people from the Love and Hip Hop Series and various young rappers that I’ve never heard of. But they trash an Olympic champion because she’s not so called slim thick. They trashed Gabrielle Douglas as well. I believe they came for her because she mentioned something about women should dress modestly and they went berserk. I don’t share the values of most people in The Shade Room so I had to block them.

The death and funeral of rapper Nipsey Hustle and the trials and tribulations of TV personality Wendy Williams have dominated Black social media the last few weeks. Meanwhile three Black churches in Louisiana burned mysteriously and the son of a police officer was arrested for the crimes.

I was on a You Tube channel yesterday that fashions itself after a news broadcast. The host discussed the church fires and people in the comments section were talking about their disdain for Christianity, especially Black Christians. They are clearly missing the point. But if they are that stupid why bother talking to them. I blocked the channel. I think we need to shift our values a bit. Our community suffered a terrorist attack and

I understand that the death of Nipsey Hustle is yet another urban violent tragedy but last weekend six were shot at a baby shower in Chicago. I haven’t heard Black social media say a word about that. I didn’t know who Nipsey Hustle was until he died so his death is no different than all the other murders that happen in the Black community.

I think that we should use the powerful medium of social media to discuss that to the point of beating a dead horse like we do stupid topics like fake hair, inter racial dating and twerking. And men that are obsessed with women that they don’t like need to be the ones doing the talking instead of blaming everything on single mothers.

I wish that Black social media communities would just stop trying to tell others in their community what to do. Stop thinking you know what’s best for someone else. If we all do our part, Christians, Israelites, Agnostics, LGBT, feminists, etc. we can all make improvements to build a better future for everyone. But this intra racial at least snarkiness and at most hatred should stop. We need to learn to respect each other more. I don’t feel like Black people appreciate our differences.

Some of these conversations that take place have been going on for years and we have come to no conclusion or made no progress. They are trivial matters anyway so we should just move forward. I think there are a few things we should be able to agree on such as if you’re mad at someone you shouldn’t shoot up their baby shower and let’s discuss those matters. The rest of if is all just drivel and a huge waste of time and I refuse to participate in it anymore.

I’ve retired from on line dating. Or you could say I’ve given up. You could also say I’ve aged out of the system. Regardless, I’m not doing it anymore. I wish I could say I’ve met a wonderful man so I not longer need the help but that isn’t the case. I’m single and if I have to go on a dating website to meet someone I prefer to remain single.

On line dating was an interesting experience and I learned a lot. I’ve tried different sites over the years. Most of what I learned is discouraging and it kind of makes me glad and proud to be single. I’m going to share some of my experiences and observations as a Black, Christian, college educated woman. I hope this is helpful to others.

The first problem with on line dating is simply that it’s kind of boring. You match with various people on the site and they mostly look alike, dress alike and say the same things. Most of them are not very good conversationalists. I ended up leading a lot of the conversations and when I ask people what they like to do with their free time and what their interests were many of them were at a loss.

Conversations on dating sites start like conversations at social events and night spots, with small talk. But small talk that would be over with in two or three minutes face to face can take several days on line. It’s easy to lose interest and patience with this especially if you’ve had dead end conversations like this in the past. The process is more tedious than anything.

On line dating is particularly tricky for Black women. I have always been open to dating men that are not Black but my preference was to have a Black, Christ focused family. I didn’t realize that I was betting on the long shot.

Before I delve into this topic I want to make it clear that I hold no ill will towards anyone. I’m not jealous or envious of anyone. I don’t think anyone owes me anything and I am not seeking to control anyone’s choices. Black women have to give those disclaimers when they speak their truths. So here I go.

I don’t think that most Black men on dating websites are there to meet Black women. I think their primary interest is meeting women that are not Black and if they date a Black woman they are probably looking for one whose appearance hints at significant European ancestry. I don’t have that to offer a man. There is very little European ancestry to pass along here.

So my advice to Black women that want to date Black men is that you should completely forego dating sites and meet men in mostly Black social spaces such as night clubs, churches, your circle of friends, etc. I know you’ve probably already tried that but I think that on line dating will be a complete waste of your time.

There are many, many Black men on these sites that you will match with but their intentions are questionable. I think they may be OK if you are simply looking for a good time if you know what I mean or even someone to go to a movie with once in a while but if you are thinking long term commitment your pot of gold is going to be hard to find. You’re as well off striking up conversations with men at gas stations.

If Black women are interested in dating outside of the Black community I think that on line dating has more to offer. The problem I had was that I live on the border of two red states and I absolutely hate Republican politics.

I can’t see myself getting involved with a man and marrying into a family that voted to turn America into a White, pseudo Christian, ethno state. Ironically, the men that I found to be the most sincere and that displayed the most genuine interest and excitement about meeting me were MAGA people and Civil War reenactors. I just couldn’t see myself having a future with one of those guys. I may look back and see my choices as a mistake but I don’t think so.

There were White men that took interest in me that you would probably classify as liberal but they were a bit too edgy. They had too many tattoos, too many body piercings, absolutely bizarre backstories, too many kids. Some of them were Atheists and many seemed to have unstable addresses. I don’t think it would work. Perhaps I will regret my life choices one day but at least I’ll be a blessing to some lucky cat.

I don’t think it’s important to have a lot in common with your spouse. I think it’s OK to have different interests and hobbies. But I would like to share faith in Christ with a person that I was going to marry. If a man doesn’t believe in Jesus I don’t think he would ever really understand me as an individual. Let me tell you what. If you are Christian, single and trying to be obedient to Christ you are undateable to 95% of the US population. I’m going to leave that right where it is.

Yes, I tried Christian Mingle but by the time I got around to them I wasn’t willing to pay for a dating site and you have to pay to communicate with people. I browsed the page and didn’t really see much that I wanted to invest in financially. Besides that I saw someone that I knew on there. That’s always awkward.

There are a lot of what I’ll call phantom people on dating websites. They are people that just moved to the area and they didn’t grow up here or have other kind of local connections. They are people that travel for work and come through town often. They are single men in the military. They are men that work from home and keep to themselves.

There are a lot of mysterious people on dating websites that don’t really belong anywhere or to anyone. No one really knows them. A lot of them claim to not like social media but they are on dating sites. The man that inspired my choice to never use a dating website again is someone that I sporadically communicated with for a few months and met for dinner once.

We continued to communicate after our meeting and I asked him his last name. He became agitated and defensive because I asked the question and he asked me why I wanted to know. I honestly just wanted to know because I was interested in getting to know this person but I indeed was going to search his name on the internet. I surely wouldn’t mind if someone did that to me. He refused to give me his last name because he said he didn’t feel comfortable giving it to me after meeting me once.

I asked him why that was a secret and he said that if I knew his last name then I could look him up on the internet and find out his address. I asked him at what point he would feel comfortable letting me know his last name. He said he would feel comfortable giving me that information once he had me over his house for dinner. Do you see how that doesn’t make sense? Anyhow, I blocked his number after that. Anyone that is guarded over his last name is probably too paranoid to date.

I am forty four and I feel like I have aged out of the on line dating system. Your forties is a super awkward age to be never married and without children. Most single people my age are divorced with children or at least with children. I’m a true spinster that hasn’t had that family life experience so I don’t have a bitter divorce and family court drama as common ground with others.

There were men on the internet that reached out to me that were significantly younger than I am. I never pursued any of the opportunities with the really young ones. I’m skeptical about what they really wanted with a woman my age. Their intentions can’t be good. On some level I think it must be a scam or at best he was just looking for an experience with an older woman.

I’m talking, I found you on Facebook and I see that you’ve grown a lot from your prom picture that was taken eighteen months ago young. I ain’t got time for that. Even if his intentions were pure that situation seems like a lot of work. He was cute though. I asked if his dad was single and he said no. They always say no.

I met one young single dad on line that was very, very bitter. I can’t believe how bitter he was at such a young age. I figured it was best I move on from that. I’m not even trying to hear the sob story about him and his baby mama. I don’t need the anger in my life and I’m not helping a man that could damn near be my son pay his child support.

A lot of the men I talked to that are in their forties and fifties which was my target group were shady. Many of them had never been married but most of them had children. I asked a few what they were seeking from a woman at this point in their life. They claimed they were seeking to settle down. Settle down at forty nine? Forty nine. FORTY F@(%ING NINE. I’m sorry but that is just funny to me.

They didn’t quit the game the game quit them. They were pushed into retirement and now they “just want a good woman to enjoy life with”. I’m sure a fifty five year old man has met at least a few good women that he could have enjoyed life with. I’ve asked some of them why they wanted to settle down now. One of them got defensive and said he wasn’t ready before. I see.

Now that he’s older the young ones that he really wants aren’t attracted to him and the older ones that he might have a chance with are probably busy with crafts and browsing at the humane society. Sex isn’t as easy to get, at least not with someone with a youthful aesthetic, so now he claims he wants to commit. These men have avoided marriage throughout their youth and never married the mothers of their children. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

I don’t see anything good coming from getting to know one of these men. It’s obvious that they don’t value marriage or traditional family values. Practically speaking, you’re coming into these men’s lives just as they’re about to start having heart attacks and strokes. You can look at most of them and tell that fitness and nutrition hasn’t been a priority in their lives. So unless you’re going to pull an Anna Nicole why sign up to be a man’s nurse?

It would be different if you had him when he was young and cute. Then it’s like WE had a stroke, WE had a heart attack, WE’RE paralyzed on one side of OUR body. You’ve built a long life together and he’s meant a lot to you for a long time. Your relationship has stood the test of time and he deserves a dutiful wife.

You’ve probably been consuming fried chicken, pizza and French fries together over the last twenty years so when he has a brain aneurysm you will look after him and when you are diagnosed with diabetes he will look after you. That’s the great American love story. Sorry, but if a man has been the good time boy in your town for the last three decades I don’t see that he deserves a loyal woman in his later years. Let his kids and all their mothers care for him.

The other awkward thing about on line dating in your forties is that people lie about their age. Forty is the last decade in your life when you claim youth. I ran into someone I know on an internet dating site and he said he was in his forties. I was shocked because he looked much older. I knew the man because he patronizes the business where I work. I looked him up in our database and saw his drivers license. He was lying by about fifteen years. I suspect this happens often because I’ve seen a lot of profiles with some pretty harsh looking forty somethings.

So anyway, that’s some of my story. I know that on line dating works out great for a lot of people. Congratulations to them. I would encourage anyone to give it a try as long as you are discerning and play it safe. As for me I gave it a try over the years and I’m done. I’ve come to some conclusions in my life and I’m honestly relieved. If nothing else on line dating has been an interesting and enlightening experience. I’ve learned a lot about men, women, sociology and status.

I’m still hopeful that I may find Mr. Right one day but if we find each other it won’t be on a dating app. There are plenty and I mean plenty of men on the internet but I don’t want to make the compromises to make them fit into my life and I don’t want to put the energy into getting to know them and their true intentions. And there are way too many unattached, mysterious phantom daters out there that don’t really seem to belong anywhere. There is a real risk of being killed or hurt when exploring an online connection. I’m not sure that seeking true love and devotion is worth the risk. Spinsterhood is looking like a pretty good option.

I am a long time fan of the show “Real Housewives of Atlanta”. I’ve watched it from the beginning and since the beginning Nene Leakes has been on the program. She is the matriarch and the anchor of the franchise whether you like Nene or not. But I don’t think that Nene is getting the platform she deserves for her loyalty and dedication to the franchise.

About a year ago a RHOA marathon came on TV and it showed the early seasons. I was reminded about why I fell in love with the show. Those women are hilarious. I love the dry humor, sarcasm, deadpan expression and reserved cattiness of the so called housewives with a touch and sometimes a lot of African American spunk (It’s not attitude it’s spunk). And Nene Leakes has become famous for being the spunkiest of them all.

I will admit that watching RHOA is like watching science fiction. It’s far fetched but you accept the story within the world that is being presented to you. We the audience have made a decision to accept the real housewives and just play along. Reality TV is as believable as WWE wrestling but we tune in for the entertainment value and now that so much time has past we feel invested in the characters and their lives.

I believe that Nene Leakes is a nice person. I really do. I think she appreciates the Housewives franchise and the opportunities it has created for her. I think Nene is down to Earth and has never forgotten her roots or tried to be something she’s not. Yes, I can tell she’s had a nose job and wears blonde hair but I’m sticking with my previous statement.

Here is the problem with Nene Leakes and RHOA as it stands. Cast members have come and gone from RHOA and producers are casting younger women. One of the new stars is thirty four year old Eva with the Taratula from America’s Next Top Model and the wife of Ronnie Devoe of New Edition and BBD fame who is quite young.

RHOA has taken a nasty turn and no longer relies on dry whit and humor for entertainment. Without Sheree and Phaedra that went out of the window. Now they rely on drama and bitchiness. Porsha resorted to violence one season during the reunion show. Nene is placed at the center of a lot of the cattiness but at fifty one she’s too old for all that. She should know better and be above it all. Being a part of that type ratchetness is really undignified but for a woman Nene’s age it’s tragic.

Why on Earth is a woman at Nene’s stage of life arguing with thirty year olds over gossip? Why is she arguing with fans on IG? It shouldn’t happen. I caught a glimpse of Lindsey Lohan’s reality show and she came across as a mature, mother hen that was concerned about the people that she described as children that work at her resort or whatever it is.

The “children” are people in their twenties and Lindsey is only thirty two. But we all know that Lindsey has been through some wild stuff which would give her a mature perspective on life. Lindsey didn’t involve herself in the reckless, youthful activities. She, like Nene Leakes has been there and done that. There is no more energy for childishness, at least there shouldn’t be.

Since I believe reality shows are staged and loosely written I think the producers of RHOA need to develop a new persona for Nene. Her rebirth should be modeled after the very likeable Angela Raiola b.k.a. Big Ange from “Mob Wives”. Rest in peace Angie. During the reunion special of “Mob Wives” the host asked Big Ange why she wasn’t involved with the drama between the other women on the show. Big Ange said she didn’t relate to them as peers because she was a lot older than them. She was their parents age. Ange sat quietly for most of that reunion special as an observer. That’s called being a good and grown woman and that’s what I want Nene to start doing.

Andy Cohen is making a fool out of Nene at this point. He is using her larger than life personality to hold RHOA together because producers are experimenting with newer cast members but Nene is coming out on the losing end. I want Nene to show some leadership skills and extend her maternal instincts to her young cast mates.

I want the other cast mates to look up to her and see her as a mother figure instead of squabbling with her about nonsense. She’ll still be the star because we all know her and she is the cornerstone of the show. Judge Judy says that the goal should be to do less work and make more money as one gets older. Nene is working too damn hard!