Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Big Lights, Bright City: Seeing The Light, Or Being Blinded By It?

Note also that I've mounted it just below my stem on the steer tube, thereby canting the beam slightly upward for maximum obnoxiousness:

(I've also got a smaller auxiliary light on there to finish the job, just in case you can still see after encountering me.)

They say you could see my distress symbol glowing in the night sky as far north as Onondaga County:

There was also a notable uptick in upstate UFO sightings, which you generally only see when the local chemist cooks up a fresh batch of methamphetamine. [Reminder: draft treatment for fixie drama TV series called "Braking? Bad!"]
Then, the next morning, I received the following email with the subject line "You Suck:""

Dear Mr. Rock Machine,On March 17th I announced to the world that, using the BICEP2 radio telescope in Antarctica, my team and I had finally found what we believed to be primordial gravitational waves, or the so-called "afterglow" of the Big Bang. The implications were profound and enormous, and I cleared space on my mantel for my Nobel Prize.Then, after extensive peer review, it turned out what we'd actually seen were not primordial gravitational waves, but in fact merely ripples in the fabric of space caused by your obnoxiously bright bike light.So fuck you.Sincerely,John Kovac

ANYWAY, it's important that we address the fraught subject of frontal illumination etiquette, inasmuch as it has become nearly as controversial as the helment "debate" (I put "debate" in "quotes" because there is no "debate," helments are stupid and ugly and give you bad hair), but first here's a brief history of bicycle lighting:

A Brief History of Bicycle Lighting

Sponsored by [Your Bicycle Lighting Company Name Here, contact webmaster for sponsorship opportunities]

The very first bicycle lights were live monkeys, trained to hold lanterns while perched upon the handlebars of pennyfarthings. However, these monkeys often turned violent, ripping at the faces and eyes of riders, and so in 1887 the first bicycle "safety light" featuring a 100% synthetic, non-living monkey was sold:

Between the "safety bicycle" and the "safety light," cycling enjoyed an explosion in popularity through the 1890s. However, racers eschewed the system's excessive weight, so some "drilled out" the monkey, leading to premature monkey failure:

("Drillium" monkey.)

While others skipped the fixture altogether and instead simply set their handlebars on fire--both with predictable results:

But soon the world of bicycle lighting would change forever, thanks to this man, for whom no introduction is necessary:

(It's Thomas Edison, you bonehead.)

Edison, of course, was the world's first fixed-gear freestyler:

But he was also a tinkerer and inventor in his spare time, and one invention in particular would completely revolutionize bicycle lights.

I'm talking, of course, about the phonograph:

(You thought I was going to say "lightbulb," didn't you?)

Which cyclists would strap to their handlebars at night and use to play Sousa marches in order to alert people to their presence.

Sadly, this proved ineffectual, so eventually cyclists just set the phonographs on fire for maximum visibility--with predictable results:

Given the safety bicycle's tendency to burst into flames, it's no surprise that by the early 20th century people began to abandon this mode of transportation for something else:

("Fuck it, I'm leasing a Model T.")

Not only did the automobile have headlights, but it also came with an attractive philosophy and lifestyle:

Thus setting off a lumens-based arms race culminating in the abundance of lighting systems available today.

I think that about covers it.

So yeah, the average bike dork now has a wealth of lighting options at his or her disposal, nearly all of which are bright enough to stage an amateur production of "Our Town." Some people don't like this. They think that being able to walk into a bike shop and buy a military-grade laser with a handlebar attachment is tantamount to being able to walk into a Walmart and emerge with the firepower of a small sovereign nation. They also think it's rude to ride around with a bright light, because it annoys other cyclists, or something.

I'm not so sure. The other day on the Manhattan Bridge I passed some riders with some pretty bright lights. You know what I did? I averted my eyes slightly. Isn't that just common sense? It seems to me that if we can spend every day of our lives beneath the burning rays of the sun without scorching our eyes out we can deal with the occasional bike light. It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness, and it's also better to look away from the fucking light instead of cursing the brightness.

That's not to say you shouldn't be considerate. For example, I wouldn't use my light cannon where there's heavy bike traffic or lots of streetlights. However, if it's dark and the roads are windy and you're pretty much the only cyclist out there I don't see the problem. Also, a bright light up front is good because it's the only way the average dolt parallel-parking his car at night is going to see you, because they sure as hell aren't looking for cyclists at night when they slam on the brakes and lurch clumsily into that coveted spot.

Bloody Oath on the lights, mate, as they say when discussing the matter down underneath.

To combine two controversies, my second pronouncement of the day is that affixing lumens to a helmet, like a collier's carbide lamp, is an act of supreme dorkitude or geekdom for those who do not habitually mine anthracite. Moreover, it is hard on the cervical muscles for those who adopt an "aggressive" riding position.

pffft. Edison.. wanker. He stole the bike light idea from Johan Bieklight, and original output was one lumen, which is all you needed back then. Kids today with your superbrights, back in my day, we just rode in the daylight. True Story.

I give James "the wang" Huang's complaint 5/5 stars: very beefy and vertically compliant and spins up very easily.

On my ride in this morning I was cat-sixed by some duder in Central Park. I was just pedaling at my usual casual "I'm going to work so I don't want to exert myself or break a sweat" pace and passed this guy on a slight hill. He retaliated by unleashing a furious sprint, totally dropping me...until the next slight hill. I wanted to tell him that I wasn't actually racing him, but he was locked in - dead-eyed stare, hunched over his handle bars and akwardly pumping away at his pedals in the wrong gear. Just to fuck with him I started drafting him, hands in pockets and casually whistling. I'm by no means a fast rider but this guy was pretty funny.

Yeah Cleveland !You certainly do have a vote and it counts as much as mine. (Well, almost)The Great Lob didn't come down to earth and proclaim me the COD giver.Feel free, Sir or Madam, to vote whenever you feel it is deserved.This is a huge responsibility and I'll be happy to share it with my fellow commentators.

The head-scratcher is, finding sh*t to complain about. Biking around NYC is great rain or shine, day and night. Even though I got a whopping stupid ticket from the whopping stupid NYPD last month, and my bike got robbed because I was careless locking it up. And even though I have a stupid job that's not good enough for me, but I get to ride there and back. The mobs of riders now making the same trip I do say we are on to something.

There isn't one place within the confines of Onondaga County that ever looks like that. Ever. Get your head out of your ass. You're an idiot. I hate you. Put your head back up your ass. I really hate you. Take your stupid head back out of your dumb butt. What a moron. You suck.

Ease up on the Jesus jingles about cursing and the lighting of candles will you please, Snobby? One comes to this site to get away from that sort of thing.

As for your bright lights, the parallel with the sun is stupid. When the sun is low in the sky and pointing right in your face it is frightful. At least if you do look away you can see the area in the immediate vicinity and can still have some confidence in your ability to navigate. If at nighttime, on the other hand, some lumened up psychopath is pointing their arc light straight into your eyes, you can't see anything except their uncivil light. Look away and all you can see is a dark empty void where, quite possibly, a dire fate awaits you.

So, verily I say unto thee; when fitting your lights do unto others as you would have them do unto you, unless you think the sun shines out of thine's arse in which case thou is beyond redemption.

I met a girl with these crazy beautiful eyes. Deep blue with a light blue ring around the pupil and a dark blue ring around the iris. Little sparkly gold flecks. So amazingly crazy beautiful that I had to occasionally stop looking at her boobs to look at her eyes.

On my ride home last night I passed a family walking on the path. Boy about 8 or 9 raised a red cellphone toward me and said "emergency bowtie." Either I completely misheard him or I just met the evil genius behind Captcha.

The lumen (symbol: lm) is the SI derived unit of luminous flux, a measure of the total "amount" of visible light emitted by a source. Luminous flux differs from power (radiant flux) in that luminous flux measurements reflect the varying sensitivity of the human eye to different wavelengths of light, while radiant flux measurements indicate the total power of all electromagnetic waves emitted, independent of the eye's ability to perceive it. A lux is one lumen per square meter.

The lumen is defined in relation to the candela as

1 lm = 1 cd·sr.

A full sphere has a solid angle of 4·π steradians, so a light source that uniformly radiates one candela in all directions has a total luminous flux of 1 cd·4π sr = 4π cd·sr ≈ 12.57 lumens.

I run the knog blinder standard 4 - black. 80 lumens bitches. It's alright I guess but it needs to be recharged fairly often and the attachment "system" could use improvement. Knog guys, get on it. But it is small, bright and rechargable.

James Huang - please follow this simple (even for you) analysis... In 1984 a Colnago Superissimo with Campagnolo Super Record which cost AUD$2K. Most finance people will tell you that money halves its face-value roughly every ten (10) years. So, the Colnago would now cost AUD$2K exp(4) = AUD$16,000. {Noting that $2K exp (1) is the 1984 price}So basically a $10K bike now is actually mid-range and your Obermeyer / SR EPS equipped C59 is just about right-priced.I'm sure the USD arithmetic works out exactly the same.So James, so us all a favour - be quiet and go ride a Giant....

A four or five years ago I took part in a cross race in Syracuse and on the start line was my 7th grade social studies teacher (who was recently retired). He attended SUNY Oswego and he often would wax on how bad the winters were there. He beat me in the cross race. I started 7th grade in 1982.

Fuck the lights I had an aluminum bottle cage break this evening and WHAT THE HELL KIND AM I SUPPOSED TO GET? I dont think I have ever bought one I just ended up with several. Kind of like QR skewers. I found 2 SS ones on the ebay for $17 and pulled the trigger. I hope they are not too heavy. Shit.

The more money they can drain out of rich fuckers, the better they'll be able to compete on the bikes on my end of the spectrum. Ask as much as the market will bear, I say. But then I'm not a dentist, nor do I play one on Blogger.

Dear Wildcathode Ray Machine, I thought you were supposed to be some kind of history buff, yet I find your "Brief History of Bicycle Lighting" to be so brief as to blatantly ignore the whole era of intensive bicycle light testing that occurred during the mid 20th century. Take for example Einstein's testing of a powerful rear blinky light during Operation Sunbeam at Nevada Test Site in 1962. Admittedly this was during the Car War when bicycle light and fixie technology was kept top secret, but it's not like a bunch a hipsters just suddenly decided to invent these things one quiet day after the turn of the century as you suggest. I still remember back in 1989, as a kid, seeing those historic images flash across the television screen as the East German artistic bicycling team hopped their way over the Berlin Wall for the first time. Inspired, the East Germans took to their bikes en masse and followed suit... thus bringing down the Steel Curtain, exposing fixie technology to the rest of the world and putting the "free" into fixed gear freestyling.

Does anyone remember when lighting companies, a.k.a. electric & gas companies, used to pay big stock dividends? All were bought out and taken private, the dividends are history, but your monthly utility bill has gone through the roof. From West Side Story, sing along with me "Only in Amerika, land of taking the 99% to the cleaners,..."

Clara is 2403 km into her 12,000 km big charity bike ride around Canada. Come out and support her as she makes a stop in Baie-Comeau today! https://livingalpha.com/journal/trois-villes-et-un-traversier-24-heures-occupees-pour-clara-hughes

the photograph of thomas edison was taken in port huron, michigan by j.m. white, a local photographer. edison grew up in port huron, and when he returned, would sit for photos with his friend mr. white. mr. white's widow lived with my family in her later years, and thusly inherited some of mr. white's belongings, including 20" x 24" glass negatives of edison. they were stored in crates of excelsior in a spare bedroom closet. one day in the late 70s i heard a strange crunching/chewing sound from the closet, and discovered termites had infected the crates. in the interest of preservation, the negatives were donated to the henry ford museum. they were only able to make 12 contact prints without destroying the negatives. white's original studio still stands, although it is a music themed bar,with the facade engraved "white's art hall".

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!