Are you an on-the-go woman with a burning hatred for the angry old white guys who are trying to regulate your ladyparts? Do you desire, more than anything, to have conservative lawmakers' personal input on your Down There Problems? Does your busy schedule mean you have no time to ask them all of the women's health questions they're determined that they're qualified to answer? Well, do I have a Tweet generator for you.

The ACLU's #WannaBeMyDoc tool automatically sends anti-abortion rights lawmakers health questions more burning than your vaginal discharge, free, instantaneously, and much more painlessly than an IUD insertion. If you want, you can pen your own health questions — "Speaker Bolger, My period is very heavy for 2 days followed by 2 days of no bleeding followed by 3 light days. Wut's goin on?" — or you can have the tool generate questions for you. Samples include "What's a dental dam? Could I get the same results with a hoover dam?" and "My cramps are worse than usual. Can you fit me in this afternoon?" You can see what other people have come up with on the hashtag's Twitter page. Feminism 2012. Trolling our way to equality.

Trent Franks, the Arizona Republican who proposed a 20-week abortion ban in Washington, DC and then …
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Unfortunately, the tool was designed to spam only Michigan Republicans, the same jerks who famously attempted to ram a giant, totally unconstitutional abortion bill through state legislature and then barred two Democratic women from speaking after one said "vagina" and the other spoke out of turn. The bills are currently stalled, awaiting action by the Senate, but there's still time for the Republicans in charge in Americas mitten to fuck shit up.

Hopefully, soon a tool like this will exist for other states, or even nationally. What American woman among us hasn't felt the siren's call of telling John Boehner all about the inflamed ingrown hair on her outer labia?