Archive for the ‘in HeartGold (Kanto)’ Category

After my epic battle with Ronald that left Saffron City a creator, I proceeded south west to Cinnabar Island. However to my surprise, it wasn’t there. So I did the next possible thing when I enter a new town. Go to the Pokemon Center. Yeah I didn’t sleep well and nothing interesting happened while I was at Cinnabar, and my mind is to tired to make anything up right now. So I’ll just write down gibberish as it comes to me while I grind at the Elite Four, waiting for my friend to get off work, so I can bus to his house, and pick up my other 5 Pokemon that I left with him like 4 months ago.

Right now my team consists of Hinoarashi (Typhlosion), Mokoko (Ampharos), Doku-Jiken (Nidoking), and Menchi (Dewgong). HM Slaves include, Hibia (Krabby) and Bastard (Ho-oh). Hinoarashi is the Japanese name for Cyndaquil, while Mokoko is the Japanese name for Flaaffy. Doku-Jiken means “Poison event” or something. and Menchi is the name of the ‘emergency food supply’ from Excel Saga. I called my Krabby, Hibia, because my old Fly-slave was a Fearow named Kyuuuu and it just seemed appropriate. Ho-oh is called Bastard because he was a bastard to catch.

Since I’m pretty much done with Pokemon for the next few days I might do another one of these Let’s Play through things, if you can call this one of those. When my copy of Emerald I bought off eBay comes in, I’ll probably do one of these for those. There are no PS3 games I can think of doing this because they’d all require screenshots, and I don’t have the money or equipment for that. I guess I could do one for Touhoumon but I’ve played through that game way to many times. If theres anything you guys want me to do just mention it in the comments section

Ah, before I forget, I haven’t battle the Eighth gym yet because I’m waiting on my Pokemon. I wanna make sure everyone is 60+ and ready to face red so I don’t have to grind in Mt.Silver. Sorta like what happened in my old game of Pokemon Heartgold.

All you guys care about is the image and the slightly funny text at the bottom, right?

Hmm, I don’t think Heartgold was as good as Platinum. Sure its got Kanto and Johto, and everyones favorite original Pokemon, plus the old school awesome characters. But… the game after the Elite Four. Theres just no challenge, its to easy. All the Gym battles I beat so easily. I’d rather they would have made the gyms in the 55-65 range, then give the second round elite four maybe 65-75 level Pokemon, with Red to top it all off at 75-90 level Pokemon. Maybe they wanted to keep it ‘casual’. I wish they would include a hard mode in the Pokemon games, it’s not like it would take a lot of work right? Maybe they fear it could screw up the balance of the player vs player aspects. Although who really gives a crap about that?

Everyone needs a break right? WRONG! Those that stay in one spot die, those that become NEETs fail! Therefore it is the duty of a Pokemon trainer to make sure that they never have a moments break. So thats why today we are here, back at the Indigo Plateau to once again challenge the Elite Four. “Why train here, why not just train with wild Pokemon or finish off the remaining trainers in Kanto?”, you ask? Because this lets me post multiple pictures and tell you why I like, dislike, or love the Elite Four! First up is Will (Itsuki), the not very well liked Psychic Pokemon trainer!

Does anyone even like this guy? Hell does anyone even know about this guy? Despite being a Psychic-type Pokemon trainer of the Elite Four, most people get past him easily. Even while you read this my Pokemon have already won without taking a hit. Seriously, how’d this guy get to be in the Elite Four?
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Next up is the awesome Koga (Kyō), Ninja of legend, and father of unattractive daughter Janine (Anzu) this man threatens you with the might of the Poison Pokemon! However, it seems like he is never able to poison your Pokemon. Seriously, they couldn’t make him a little more challenging? Oh well, at least hes a ninja. BELIEVE IT

Young Koga is pretty damn attractive.
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Now for the most strongest looking character I’ve never seen in Pokemon (in terms oh physical strength) Bruno (Siba)! Unlike the first two Elite Four, this guy is actually a challenge if your using slow Pokemon. But if anyone with a above average speed can take him down rather easy. Not the hardest fight ever, but it can get frustrating if you have to heal every 2 turns. For my team however, this was a cake walk. The very odd thing about Bruno is that no images exist for him on Danbooru. I don’t know why, hes not bad looking. And he’s cooler then Will.
“Your buying the new Pokemon right?”
God, I’ve masturbated to her every day for the past 4 days…
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Uuuuuuhhhh… Karen, yeah, her. Shes got nice boobs. Boobs are nice. Don’t get me wrong I like delicious flat chests as much as the next person. But it’s not wrong to like a little fat too, right? Going off-topic here, who the hell cares what Karen’s new outfit is. Most people only see her once and thats at Elite Four. You never see her in Johto, or Kanto, or anywhere outside of the Indigo Plateau building! Hell, you never see any of the Elite Four leave the building other then Lance. That makes me believe that all these Elite Four are failures or just not generally not well liked in the Pokemon World Society. The only reason Lance is tolerated is because he can obliterate majority of the people living in the Pokemon World.

Looking back, that guy in the Team Rocket HQ in Mahogany Town, is he even a grunt? I mean he looks like any other normal person. He must have just been shopping for over priced crap when, BOOM! In comes Lance the ex-cop with a grudge against criminals. Threating to blow up the shop unless the shop owner reveals the location of some secret device that is pissing off all the Magikarp in the Lake of Rage. This run of the mill man then interves to tell Lance to CALM THE FUCK DOWN only to be severally injured by a hyber beam from Dragonite. This is when the player character arrives and proceeds underground to the secret base with Lance. The resulting fate of the unlucky man is unknown to us, so therefore it is only logical that he must have died from his injuries, because can you really survive a beam of pure energy from a ancient creature that is known to travel faster then the speed of sound/light?

Lance is a cold-blooded murder, and must be stopped and brought to justice. Hence the reason why you must face the Elite Four, and to protect the world from his devastation. To unite the people within the nation. To denounce the evils of Lance and his lackeys. And to extend your reach to the stars above! Lyra! Ethan! Pokemon Trainers, blasting off at the speed of light. Defeat Lance! So prepare to fight!

After drinking myself into oblivion due to Hinoarashi (Now a Typhlosion) becoming a Typhlosion, I found myself in Saffron City. Looking for a merciful end, I proceeded to the Saffron City Gym. Like Fuchsia City before, I didn’t have any Pokemon with a clear cut type advantage against the Psychic-type. So like always, I decided to kill them with Shadow Claw. However the Pokemon on my team that knows Shadow Claw is… Doku-Jiken (Nidoking) who is extremely week against the Psychic-type. It seems like today was a good day to die (Wah wah waaaaaah).

But before that, Lunch. I am eating burritos. I like to put crushed red peppers and hot sauce on them. But we are out of hot sauce. I am sad. When I eat Burritos, I watch anime. Today, I will watch Mayoi Neko Overune, Episode 12. It was fun. I like episodes where no one is sad at the end. Theres still one more episode to go, and I can’t wait. I wish Mochi would sub the background kanji and what not. It might take a little more work, but it adds a nice visual flare to the episode.

After navigating the maze of teleporters and Gym Trainers I found myself face to face with Sabrina. ‘God, shes hawt’ I thought to myself. Our epic battle then commenced! And it went something like this.

I will defeat you Ronald!! Your kids meal won’t defeat me! Doku-Jiken, Shadow Claw!! Gah! How did you dodge that?! Well take this!!

Well after my REALLY HOT LESBIAN SEX WITH ERIKA (Fuck Yeah), I ventured to somewhere. Uuuuhhhh… Fuchsia! Yeah, thats the next place. Fuchsia City. I headed East down Cycling Road. If you haven’t played Heartgold or Soulsilver, Cycling road has turned into this well designed bridge that actually looks like a real life bridge, similar to how the original concept designs where. No one really cares though. After the quick 30 second ride, I arrived in Fuchsia City. After arriving in the Fuchsia City Gym, and to my surprised, I found a harem of Janine (Anzu). The only way I was going to be able to get the Fuchsia city badge is if I could have sex with them all. “Gotta fuck ‘em all” I yelled, as I charged into the orgy that was Janine.

Fuck yeah I love this game.

Normally I would post a awesome picture of whoever I was talking about to sum up the last few paragraphs. However, there are no awesome or sexy images of Janine on Danbooru. So here’s some more Erika. No one likes Janine anyways.
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After defeating all the Gym trainers I then proceed to the last remaining trainer in the gym. This had to be the true Janine! And it was! (Dun dun duh!) I didn’t have any Pokemon that had a clear cut advantage against her poison Pokemon, so had to beat them down into submission… with Fire. “KILL THEM WITH FIRE” I shouted, as our battle began.

Jasmine then awarded me with the Fuchsia City, Soul Badge, and a TM. After the battle Hinoarashi evolved into a Typhlosion! “FUCK, I FORGOT TO HIT B!” I shouted. No one likes Typhlosion, it’s the ugliest looking third-form of the Fire starters. It loses it’s awesome Fire tail for a normal stubby looking shit tail. And it gets fat! It’s like Quilava just let itself go! No one likes Typhlosion so heres a picture of Kotone.
“… … … …” Pokemon Trainer Kotone would like to battle!

I continued my journey from Cerulean City southbound, towards Vermilion City. Taking a small detour along the way I took the underground pathway. In here a man told me about ‘bad people’. He then noticed the ‘RageCandyBar’ I had forgot about which was tucked away deep inside of my bag under by bicycle. I gave it to him and he awarded me with a TM. He then proceeded to make ticking noises and exploded.

Soon I arrived in Vermilion City, where after a short rest at the Pokemon Center, I went straight to the Vermilion City Gym. There I was confronted by a series of mind breaking puzzles, however with my superior intellect, I outmaneuvered them, defeated the Gym trainers and finally stood before Lt. Surge, the Lightning American. I proceed to crush him with my Doku-Jiken (Nidoking) and its ground based attacks. Dear god this is getting dull. He then award me with the Vermilion City, Thunder Badge (creative) and some useless TM. After I left the gym, I heard a gunshot. It seems Lt.Surge had commited suicide.
Lt. Surge, the Lighting American, 1996 – 2010.
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Heading North from Vermilion City I went north west towards Celadon City. Here, I healed my Pokemon, checked out the local shops, and then proceeded to the gym where I was greeted by a elderly man who was staring into the gym. He laughed as he told me why this gym was so great, due to it’s strong trainers.

After nagvigating the maze of plants and displacing the gym trainers, I challenged Erika. After defeating her in a lackluster battle where I proceeded to light the gym on fire with Hinoarashi (Quilava) she awarded me with the Celadon City, Rainbow Badge and a TM. That was not enough for me however. Still high from combat I pushed Erika down to the ground. The heat was getting to me. I began to lick at the crevasses of her body. Her moans filled me with a even more intense heat. I then stuck my… uhh… yeah, we had sex. Moving on.

If you haven’t already figured it out. Icy thinks Erika is HAWT, and wants to DO HER REALLY REALLY BADLY.

This time I traveled to Kanto. After facing several of its trainers and solving the mystery of the stole part at the Power Plant, I decided to head to Pewter City where I met Brock. There are to many jokes about this man’s rock hard Pokemon. Though his defense is as hard as rock and his offensive is just as tough, me and my Pokemon were able to break his stone cold defense. After defeating Brock, he awarded me with the Pewter City, Boulder Badge as well as a TM.

Brock; The Rock-Solid Pokemon Trainer.
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Continuing from Pewter City, I made my way through Mt.Moon. Unexpectedly though, my Rival, Shine (Silver) appeared. After accusing me of being just a show off, he challenged me to a battle. However, I easily defeated him with my superior team of, Menchi (Dewgong), Hinoarashi (Quilava), Doku-Jiken (Nidoking), and Mokoko (Flaaffy). After the battle however, Mokoko evolved into a Ampharos! I didn’t think it could get anymore cuter, but it did. Now only if I could stop it from grabbing onto other Pokemon during battles and using Discharge to instantly kill them. Oh well~
The much more awesome and older design for Silver.
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Finally after leaving Mt.Moon and proceeding downhill to Cerulean City, then healing at the Pokemon Center, I entered the Cerulean City Gym. However Misty was not there. Using my acute detective abilities I proceeded to follow the trail of her failed relationships until I found her on a date at Cerulean Cove. Instead of waiting silently for her date to finish, I charged streight in there, accused her of having STDs and then beat the crap out of her date until he ran home crying. Misty then accepted my challenge to a gym battle. There Mokoko (Now a Ampharos) proved itself by slaughtering all of Misty’s Pokemon. Even her Quagsire was no match for the amazing powers of Mokoko. After her defeat, she awarded me with a TM and the Cerulean City, Cascade Badge.
“I’ve been waiting all this time for you… Don’t bore me okay?”

Today I beat the Elite Four. They were easy. However Lance is really cheap with his Dragonites and Aerodactyl that can hit flying Pokemon with Rock Slide. I’m sure they rigged the match to add some more ‘challenge’ to the game. After slowly killing his haxor Pokemon I had to switch between Dewgong (called Menshi) and Ho-oh (called Bastard) to stay in the game. After using up my revives and potions Lance’s stupid Dragonite confused itself. I switched back to Menshi and used Ice Beam and 1-hit K.O’ed him. I haven’t been so relieved after a battle in a long time. Next time I’ll make sure my Pokemon are stronger and ready to take the Elite Four challenge again!

No one really likes Lance, hes no where as cool as any of the other male characters in Pokemon.

Icy thoughts

Aye'm da strongest. You know it. I know it. I'm telling you it, so you better know, okay? No matter how long passes with out a post, or if I disappear, know that I will return one day to bother you with an endless spam of pictures, videos and nonsensical text that may or may not be my way of expressing my inner most feelings.