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As I was doing a bit of cleaning today, I decided to write my first "clean floors" post. I don't know about you, but my eyes can focus on the most minuscule dust particle and not one second later I am completely obsessed with cleaning it. I have been known to get up in the middle of a conversation to adjust a crooked picture frame or pick up a single string from the carpet.

Last night I got home at 11:45pm and noticed some crumbs on the kitchen floor. I wish I could say that I ignored them and went to bed but I did not. I busted out the broom and dustpan (would have gotten out the dust-buster, but Ryan was sleeping) and swept the whole kitchen/laundry room. Ah, much better now I can get ready for bed...after I clean the water spots off the bathroom faucet and wipe the food particles from flossing off of the mirror. Just a small note, they are not MY food particles, but I digress.

Where was I going with this post? Ah yes, clean floors. I don't know about you, …

I have mentioned my two dogs before, but I am not sure I have ever told you about my kitty. She is incredibly friendly, drools when you scratch her chin, chirps like a bird when she is happy, stands out in the rain and has the most beautiful green eyes you have ever seen. Her name is Gerogia and recently, she has become bulimic.

Maybe she has been reading too many fashion magazines or hanging out with really thin neighborhood cats that are wreaking havoc on her self-image. No matter the reason, I'm sick of cleaning up BARF!

It all started about two weeks ago when I woke up to a giant pile of vomit on the coffee table. I was like, COME ON PEACH! (we call her Peach more often than Georgia) UH! So annoyed. I grab a few paper towels and clean up the puke in a fancy rolling fashion I have perfected after years of cleaning up after numerous animal bodily functions. I figure it is an isolated incident and carry on with my morning coffee.

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly I make judgements about people I have never met. Tonight, Ryan and I were watching Jeopardy and one of the contestants immediately rubbed me the wrong way. I mean instantly. The second I laid eyes on her I HATED her. I hated how she spoke, her body language, the nervous way she moved her mouth, the anxious way she wiggled, waiting to push that little button to answer the question. After getting lost in my own world for a minute, I looked to Ryan.

This is the first entry in the new "food" section I mentioned starting a bit ago. Let me just begin by stating that I have no experience or education in the culinary field and I by no means intend to teach anyone anything life changing. I simply would like to share some unique foods that you may have never tried, fun new ways to cook the foods you already like, and perhaps share a few food related lessons I have learned over the years.Today, let’s talk chard. Chard (Beta vulgaris var. cicla), also known as Swiss Chard, Silverbeet, Crab Beet, Seakale Beet and Mangold is a leafy vegetable with shiny green ribbed leaves and stems that range from white to yellow and red. It has a slightly bitter taste and is much more palatable if it is cooked or sautéed; the bitterness fades with cooking, leaving a much sweeter, refined flavor.

You can purchase chard leaves at your local farmers market or in the fresh produce section of your grocery store for about $1.75 a bunch. Once you g…

I have been sitting here for the past hour trying to figure out how to write this story. It is a somewhat sensitive subject that requires a bit of a back story, but not too much boring detail. It is also a story that requires me to apologize in advance for my language but trust me, if you choose to read on you will understand that there was no substitute for shit.

You all know by now that I have two dogs that I am mildly obsessed with and think everything they do, even the destructive and disturbing things are pretty damn cute and entertaining. One thing I do not find cute or entertaining is the eating of strange, off limits and/or disgusting items. Abner is by far the biggest culprit, ingesting everything from rocks to earthworms, but it is Lilly who has the nastiest hunger of all…the hunger for CAT SHIT. She has been known to smell a pile a block away and LUNGE, mouth open consuming the entire pile in one gulp. She then cowers as though we are going to beat her with a golf c…

Sometimes when I am alone I like chew with my mouth open, smacking my food like an utterly classless slob. I have no idea why I do this, but it feels so good for some reason, like breaking all the rules with no consequences.

From now on I am going to have two new sections appropriately titled clean floors and dirty paws. In the clean floors section I will talk about some of my favorite cleaning tips and tricks, new and effective products and maybe some environmentally friendly ideas for cleaning everything form your home to your pets. In the dirty floors section I will talk about why my floors get so dirty and share some fun stories about the 12 paws I love and love to curse. I am also considering blogging about food and recipes. Not because I am a particularly good cook, but because I love food and I love eating. I love eating so much I'm going to go grab some cookies right now. They are 100% whole wheat flour...don't judge me!

P.S when I say "two new sections," I don't really mean new sections. I don't even think blogs have sections. Well, I guess they do if you have a fancy blog that people actually read. Until then my sections will be as planned, imaginary.

Anyone who has met me knows that little things like smashed pillows on the sofa, crumbs on the counter, water spots on the faucet fixtures, crooked picture frames and dust bunnies don’t bother me at all. So what I am about to tell you may shock you. I few days ago ran out of crack, I mean Klean n’ Shine, a cleaning product from the 70’s that is so toxic it foams at the mouth but I can not stop using it because it cleans EVERYTHING and doesn’t streak and F you planet, I do a lot for you already, I LOVE KLEAN N’ SHINE. Anyway, I felt the can getting low and made a note to pick up a new can or 10 at the only remaining retailer brave enough to carry this cleaner, Star Market. I grab my cloth bags, see, I told you planet, and head for the market. I make my way directly to the cleaning aisle and scan the usual area only to find that there is no Klean n’ Shine. I try to remain calm but when I see that there isn’t even an empty spot where it is supposed to be, or a tag marking its old spo…