Mother knows best

Mom had been following a certain gentleman’s blog. They had been chatting back and forth. She told me that we were meeting this gentleman at Starbucks. Mom told me his stories were entertaining. So that I would tag along. We walked in and the blogger automatically looked at me…

Oh and the blogger brought a friend. I found this to be a little bit strange. Mom looked at me and smiled. She neglected to tell me that she was pretending to be me while talking to the blogger online. She gave him my stats. So hence why he looked to me first. Oh my, this just got awkward.

Description of mate: short, pot head, gothic vibe, and nose ring that had bull horns. Yep, bull horns. I guess he thought he was a matador…

I’m sitting across from the matador and Mom is sitting across from the blogger. Both men keep on trying to make eye contact with me. Mom is talking. I’m being a little bit shy. This is a situation I wasn’t prepped for. So I’m winging it here. The guys have started to figure out that the reason I’m most likely so quiet is because I don’t know much of what is going on in the conversation. This is what happens when your mom decides to impersonate you online.

The blogger asked if I had any interesting adventures lately. I thought YES! I can get into the conversation now. I’m more than happy to oblige with a story about a recent idiot I had encountered. I met him from match.com. We had been chatting back and forth. Some of his replies just rubbed me the wrong way. He had become belligerent and extremely annoying. So I had been ignoring him for the past week.

I told the blogger and the matador that he worked at Sonic. Blogger than suggested that we pay him a visit and show him how just irritated I was.

We all got into the bloggers car. Matador had a video camera. Mom and I were in the backseat. We went to the McDonalds drive thru. Umm…

I said Sonic. I asked blogger why are we at McDonalds? He said, we are getting your pay back. My thought in that moment was, huh? We go thru the drive thru. He orders two dollar menu cheeseburgers with extra onions and loaded with ketchup. He then asks for extra packs of ketchup.

Blogger hands the bag to mom.

She immediately pulls out the cheeseburgers, and begins to smear ketchup all over them. We start to make our way to Sonic. The idiot is sweeping up for the end of his shift. We are slowly creeping along. Mom rolls down her window, yells out the idiot’s name, and pelts a cheeseburger at him. She hits her target. SCORE!!! She got the side of his body. Mom pulled out the second cheeseburger but in her hurry it hit the window and hit her, lol. But she made it work. Mom grabbed it before it got all over the car and tossed the second cheeseburger at him again.

This time he’s in shock turned facing us. The cheeseburger gets him smack in the face.

Mom is yelling the following at him, “HERE HAVE A BURGER! AND HAVE A GREAT EVENING!” She turned to me, patted my knee, and said “see don’t worry mama always takes care of you.”

Quote: The most dangerous animal in the world is a silent smiling women.