Monday, November 4, 2013

I know. I have done this a hundred times but I am changing my blog I found a better site other than blogger so I am moving there. I have no idea if anyone even reads my blog but give me your emails if you read my blog and I will make sure you can view it! :)

Friday, October 25, 2013

I knew there would be:
dirty diapers, sleepless nights, spit up, and many fussy moments.I knew I would be so happy to have my baby in my arms and I knew I would love that baby with all my heart. I knew I would get to see him when he is happy and sad. I knew I would be able to watch my husband hold him and get the satisfaction that our family just grew so significantly.
But I did not know:

That while trying to deliver my baby boy I could hardly feel any pain because I was so excited and so focused on getting to see my little child. All those days hours laboring were nothing at that moment because with each push, each contraction I was that much closer to meeting my baby. Also, no one can explain how exciting it is to hear your midwives tell you he is almost out. That the next push will be your last. Listening to Robert say excitedly that he can see the baby's head and he has hair! Or that when my mom was by my head holding it counting each push with me I felt calm and in control, and I felt no pain although my epi was almost done.
That the minute they placed that little boy on my chest it would feel like that hospital room was one of the most sacred places.

Or that looking at that little boy I could see Robert and I in him, and I realized how incredible it is to see yourself and the man you love in someone.

Or that overwhelming feeling of unconditional love that felt like I had been dipped in it from head to toe.
When my baby cries just to be held by mommy how incredible that feels.
When he smiles I want to kiss him all over.
It's not all easy but its all worth it.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

So far we think he has my mouth and Robert's nose.
We do not know the color of his eyes yet they look super dark grey.

Here are some pics around the house of my little baby boy!

He has SOO much dry skin! From being in too long :)

waiting for him to come! Contractions = no fun

sheesh was I tired! only four hours of sleep!

in total awe of him

Calin laying on daddy

Peace...ha

So his name....

Calin is a celtic name (scottish) and I am about 75% scottish. It means powerful warrior. Actually we wanted to name him Kaleb or Logan but Robert joked and made up the name Calin. I looked it up online and sure enough it was an awesome real name with a cool meaning and scottish influence! Awesome.

Warren is my Grandfathers name. He died when my mother was just a baby and I have never met him before. I wanted to name my first son after him for a long long time. Warren is his middle name. Warren means protector.

Kai yes we did it. We gave our baby two middle names. He may hate us or love us for it later IDK. but yes Kai, it is Japanese and it means Ocean.We loved how it sounded with his name and Robert's mom and Japanese family really liked it too. Added bonus I love the ocean? lol.

So thats how his name came to be. Calin is pronounced Cal like California and in like inside. Cal-in Calin :)

We are so OVERJOYED to be parents. I could care less about me now, now I just want him to be happy and healthy. Being a new parent is hard work but I love it SOOOO MUCH.

Hey all this first week of being a parent wow. So many emotions first of which is incredible JOY. Then a little fearful comes in and then reassurance...

I was 40 weeks and three days when I went into the doctors for a stress test. One to check and make sure the baby is not stressed and doing all right. I started having to do these because my fluid in my placenta was strangely low like several times. That adds lots of stress to the baby. Anyways so we went in I saw the ultrasound my fluid was lower than ever and my doctor came in and said we were going to start the induction process. That was Tuesday Sept 24th. I was with my mom and hurried frantic to get a hold of Robert and praying hard he was not already at work in Davis. He sure enough was getting gas and headed over to labor and delivery.

And here it all began. They gave me some medicine to start the process I was only at a one when they induced me. after that first day nothing really happened too much. That morning my midwife asked if I wanted to do this balloon thing where they insert a balloon and blow it up inside you and put some tension on it so it will make me dilate faster. They put it in and not even twenty minutes later it came one. (one of the most painful things ever) I took a couple warm showers and let me tell you they are AMAZING in the whole control of my contractions. LOVE that warm water. Anyways I was at a four and not really progressing too much. They say the process of starting labor is slow and let me tell you THEY WERE RIGHT ON. Morning and night these contractions came I didn't get an epidural yet. Let me just say I was really hoping I could go all natural or whatever but I was in the bathroom having one of the worst contractions yet and I prayed my little heart out. I wanted to be brave and what ever and be strong and do the best thing for my baby. I had this overwhelming feeling that God did not want to see me suffer if I could get help with the pain he wanted me to do it. So I said it right there I would wait till I was at a six and then that epidural would be my life savor.

That night was very painful but I got through it pretty well. They broke my water and it was sooo much stress on the baby that they had to fill me up with fluids again so the baby would have a cushion because his heart rate was dropping I have to say this was the scariest moment for me. They put me on oxygen and I cried and cried as the midwife and doctor looked at that little blinking heart beat on the screen. Luckily God sent an angel doctor who sat by me and took my hand and told me the baby was fine and I was fine and they would not let anything happen.

That next morning I was at a six.I got the epidural and only one side of my body was numb! crap. So they realized it was placed wrong (perfect) They replaced it and it stopped working! OUCH. Contraction pain more painful than ever. Luckily Robert was right beside me helping me to stay calm and breath my way through every single one. I was able then to get another epidural and crossed my fingers it would work. Nope. :( few hours later I could feel all that glorious pain again. I breathed through it but knew I needed to sleep. Luckily they said some people just need higher doses of meds... I am that person because once they upped the dose it was great. I was checked again and still at a 6. My midwife said that in an hour if they check on me and nothing has happened then I will need to get ready for other things (C-Section)

That hour among trying to sleep on and off I prayed my little heart out. I knew that I wanted my baby to come and be healthy but for the life of me I DID NOT WANT A C SECTION. Not after EVERYTHING I had been through! I pleaded with the lord. But like always I told him his will be done. I told him I could do a C-Section and I would if I needed too (duh) but I just said I would rather go all the way on this one please help me do this. Then after my prayers I was fully preped in my head it was like a C-section was not a problem anymore. I was actually more afraid of pushing then.

The nurses came in and out and moved me from side to side to help get me ready. an hour later my midwife came in and checked me.

My mom and Robert were sitting close by and I was ready for what ever they were going to say.
I was fully dilated and all that other stuff. The baby was ready to be born! They said they would come back in an hour and we could push. Ten minutes later I felt this strong (very very strong) sensation to push. I told my mom to call the nurse because I did not think I could wait another forty minutes.

The nurse came in and said I was ready. One nurse got me into position to push and I started. It was funny. By this point I could feel a lot. The epidural had worn off a lot at first I thought NIGHTMARE. but then I realized that it was a great blessing. I was able to feel the contractions so I was able to push. Without that I would have had a much more difficult time. So the nurse walks away to do something right as a contractions hits. I tell Robert to go down there at my feet and help me. My mom was rubbing my head and counting with me. I pushed my little heart out sheesh pushing was the BEST. I tell you what there is nothing like it in the world. Seeing that little baby was all I wanted and after three days of crazy I WAS READY TO MEET HIM. I was pushing and pushing and Robert said he could see his head! CRAZY!! The nurse came over to us and told me to stop pushing that she needed to get the midwife and other nurses in there. So, I held my push. SO HARD. Finally the midwife came in and in about twenty minutes my baby was born!!! I could not believe it when they set that beautiful child on my chest that HE WAS MINE. OURS. I cried and cried and cried and looked at his toes his hands his lips and nose and eyes and everything. He had hair too! :) That moment is when the unconditional love sets in.

I loved my baby so much more than I thought was even possible to love something or one.

Now seeing as I am a photographer I plan on taking his pictures but life is too crazy at the moment to set up a little shoot. I have been taking pictures mind you but not the staged kind. Those will come when I am more healed.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

So it was a little late, they say you should go on a vacation in the 2nd trimester but we have had so many things going on so its hard.

Robert graduated then studied like crazy for the MCAT. After he took the MCAT he needed to apply to Medical School and write like 15 essays. And we were moving back to Roseville to be around family while the baby is born.

So life was crazy. Robert also started his new job among all this and we had our phones hacked... UGH we have had so many bumps!

Crazy town over here and the other day I was just like "Robert we need a little vacation just something I am so tired of all this crap that keeps happening."

So I booked a hotel in Tahoe and we stayed there friday night. We spent all saturday there and hung out took a gondola ride and ate sushi! I have been wanting sushi soooo bad! I still can not have the GOOD raw stuff but it was enough to help my craving be satisfied. It was a really good trip and I am so glad we were able to go. I was uncomfortable most of the time but spending so much time with Robert was surely needed.

I just had a doctors appointment yesterday. I have been having HORRIBLE back pain in my lower back like achy dull pain. My mom and myself thought Back labor? but when I was checked im not thinned out and not dilating at all. I was bummed because I was going through so much pain for nothing then it seemed, but honestly this would be a not so good week to have my baby... My niece had her b-day yesterday and my sister was married on this Thursday. Also my mother in law and my mom have september birthdays so I am hoping to bypass them... we shall see! I can not really plan that one. But I would say next week would be the earliest I would want baby to come. So until baby starts making an entrance into the world I am just hanging tight and trying to keep active and busy!

I did have high blood pressure when I went to see the doctor but I explained that I ONLY have high Blood pressure when I am in lots of pain, and I was tired. She looked at my records and confirmed with me that I have never had high blood pressure in the past and that she believed I was right I was just having a bad day.

I was happy she believed me because I did not want to do more lab work! ha. She was thinking preclampsia but I had no protein or anything in my urine and no swelling so I am pretty darn sure I am just tired and in pain.

After we left my mom said if I did have preclampsia then they would have made the baby come, for a moment I wished I had it because I wanted to see my baby NOW! Does anyone else get like this?

I have had a super normal pregnancy, no complications nothing and so I feel like is everything really happening normal in there? I know stupid right? But I have so many friends who have check ups and check ups and get more info than me, but I guess its because I am not having any complications, and that is a GOOD thing I know...

Anyways... its all new to me (obviously) and I am super curious how my body is going to handle labor. Will I need to be induced? Will my water break first? will I go into labor at home and time it and then go to the hospital? Will I go too long and the doctor starts labor? Sheesh what will happen?

I should be more patient, but when you have been doing something for 9 months you kind of get burnt out! you know? and I kind of want to just have my BABY!

So anyways thats what is going on with me... my life and everything. Hoping to say hello to my little son sometime in the next 2 weeks! :)

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I am currently 36 weeks pregnant.
I quit my job last week.
I moved last week.

This week I got to sleep in.
This week I got to spend time with my family.
This week I got to organize for my little baby who is on his way anytime now.

Life is different when you actually have time for things. Its different when you do not feel rushed to fill all the extra time you have with a to do list. It is nice to relax for once, to feel like there are so many choices with my day I just have to choose what I want to do and I get to do it. No one is over my shoulder telling me I have to do this or do that. I am in control. Let me tell you the feeling is freeing. Not working for anyone, my time is mine, my own. It is incredible.

I have spent so much time working that before I quit I was crying asking Robert if I was really going to be ok with this choice. I meant the choice to not have a job. The choice to be a full time stay at home mother. Of course I knew and do know it is what is best for my child, but like any good choice we make I feel like the adversary tries extra hard to make us doubt. Luckily I have an incredible husband and he just held me tight and said: "This is all you ever wanted it will be good so good you will love it."

I am only in day three of not working and I can say that I do love it. I love the freedom and the ability I have to choose what I get to do each day. Working full time for the last five years of marriage and of course before that I never really had a say in all my time. There was work time and play time and I had to distinguish one from the other and plan ahead.

Cleaning and organizing my little baby's things I have had so much quiet and alone time to ponder and reflect. The world seems like such a scary and horrible place. I cried for a while the other day while holding one of his soon to be shirts and thought what if he makes a million bad choices? What if he does this or does that? I sat in the rocking chair just thinking and thinking.

But then, I thought what if he makes a million good choices? What if he does this or that and makes me so extremely proud? I smiled and realized that parenthood is not going to be easy, there will be hard times and times of trial ahead, but SO IS LIFE. Life is just like that, you can not run from it or be too ready. All you can do is trust in the Lord and follow the savior.

So I put that little shirt away and felt him kicking and moving inside me and I new right then and there that no matter who he is I will love him with everything in me. No matter what. It is this unconditional love thing that is incredible. I just love him, because he is going to be mine.
All I can do is be a great mother. Not the kind who has her whole "act together" all the time, not a "good mother" by the worlds standards because I plan out every little moment of his time with lessons of what not. I want to be a good mother one that the lord sees as a good mother.

The best example to me is the mothers of the stripling warriors. They doubted not, because their mothers knew. How incredible would that be? If my son doubted not because I knew? It is incredible.

I will work my hardest at being the best mother I can be. Heavenly Father chose me to be this little one's mother. I am so grateful so grateful I can bring a life into this world. I am so grateful that I am able to become a mother. I hope I can be a good mother a loving kind and gentle mother.

But more than anything I want to be a mother who loves God with her whole heart. A mother who doubts not but believes a mother who teaches her children to learn to have a testimony of the same.

I am not overwhelmed anymore with who my child may or may not grow to become... possibly good or bad choices he may make some day. Because I have faith all will be well. God is sending him to Robert and I because with us he has the best chance. Being with us he has all he needs to be all that God intends him to be, because God does not send us down here to fail. God knows what he is doing, and I will not fear or worry, but I will have faith and love my little guy forever and all will be well.

There is just no point to worrying. It happens but I have learned to push it out. Worrying is just the opposite of helpful. It drowns out all reason and makes you feel overwhelmed and out of control.

So I am going to be a stay at home mom. I am going to not miss out on a thing. I am raising this child, me. (or course Robert too). The feeling is incredible, it is all I ever wanted for my child, because it is what I got growing up. I am so blessed to be able to stay at home with my baby. So so so so blessed. I do not judge others who do differently just so you know. Some mothers can handle a job and a baby but from my life experience my job would have taken the best from me and left me with left overs to give to my baby and I think my baby deserves better. This is just me, and just how I am, I understand people are different. I also understand some mothers who would jump in a heart beat to be able to stay home full time with their baby and who can not do to finances. For them I know that with time you will receive all the desires of your heart in righteousness. For Robert and I, we had to wait till he graduated school until I could quit my job. I had to wait five years. For some that may not feel like much. But for us it felt like a whole life time. It was right for us to wait, I did not see why then but now I do.

'
So, these are my thoughts my desires my hopes my fears. These are everything I have been thinking. I am excited for this next life journey God is granting to me. I know it will not be easy but I know there will be lots of Joy with what ever pain, and like always with God all things are possible and with God and faith life will be beautiful.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

AHH!! I am sure eveyone is like this but I want him out NOW! I mean I want to meet him sooo badly! I can not wait. Although waiting is important I know he is not ready yet... 5 more weeks? ah.

We had a few free hours after our birthing class and spent time with my dad and then took some pics! Robert took these with guidance from me! But he is pretty good? It took us a while... its hard to be the subject when I am normally not.

here are a few!

Ya I am not really smiling in these... two reasons one: I hate my smile when I am all prego and swollen... and two: its hard to smile and hold a pose and tell the person holding the camera what to do... so forgive me...I can not do it all... ha lol

Also my brother got back from his mission! We are so happy to have him home! :)

Its been pretty busy few months...
but fun!

We are now packing up our apartment for our move! Wish me luck with Robert and I BOTH working we have only nights to pack...

But this is my LAST week at work! I am thrilled! Ready to get baby's stuff together and prepare (as much as I can lol)

Search This Blog

hey hey!

Thanks for stopping by!My name is Kayla my favorite number is 3, I like taking pictures like crazy. I am actually a natural lighting and special events Photographer. Husband is Robert a medical student at U.C. Davis in California.

we are kinda high school sweet hearts, and its a tad complicated... Basically he liked she and she said no way until three years later after he wooed she yet again. Married happily for 4 years now. This is my little blog about life, personal style, home decor, photography and random stuff but don't let that fool you it's mostly photography. Thanks for stopping by!