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Thursday, December 15, 2011

I realized as I went to correct a grammatical error on yesterday's post- that I have a lot of half-started blogs that never got finished. Many of them don't really apply anymore, so I'll just leave them for yesteryear- or perhaps I'll make a mashup of half posted thoughts just for grins and giggles. But this little nugget I had to post just because it still makes me roll my eyes just thinking about it. I tell you this because, I'm just going to finish the thoughts that apparently abruptly ended mid thought- and then post it, I'm not going to fix the tenses so we'll all just pretend its still the week before Thanksgiving :-D

I traveled from San Francisco to Chicago on Monday. Considering it was the beginning of the Thanksgiving holiday, the airline was jam packed. Not an open seat on the entire plane. The flight attendants were nothing like those who were on my Chicago to San Francisco flight the previous Friday. They, had been cheerful, and nice- and all around it was a pleasant flying experience. The flight on Monday the attendants were crabby and apparently the alpha-female of the flight perhaps didn't like that I smiled at her and said "good morning" when I walked on the plane and decided that I was the target by which she would nail all of her frustrations and aggressions to.

It started, with my grandma and her carry on luggage. Granny's old- and it takes way too long to try and explain anything to her- so rather than spend the time debating with her, I typically just do what needs to be done, and engage in the discussion later. So, when getting on the plane I told her to just give me her luggage I would handle putting it up in the overhead bin that she should just go into her seat and sit down. We get to our row, and there's a nice man sitting in the aisle seat (granny had the middle I had the window) but our overhead bin was quite packed already. I shuffle things around manage to get Granny's teensy bag into the overhead bin and we sit down and get situated. Now, we were fairly close to the front of the plane- so its not like the plane was going anywhere for sometime. So we're sitting there, I'm looking around in awe at all the travelers (and, maybe part of the U of I basketball team who also happened to be on our flight) and alpha flight attendant comes to adjust the bags in our bin to make room, notices me, apparently deems me to large for my seat thereby asking "Ma'am, do you need an extender".

I say, no thank you. I'm good.

Her response: Is your seatbelt fastened- because they're going to come around and check.

Me: No, but we're still boarding

Her: Buckle your seat belt please

Me: Um, ok- but there's still people getting on. I buckle my seat belt in front of her assuming she'd be satisfied and walk away. Nope. Silly me.

Her: Are you SURE you don't want an extender.. its a long flight you have to keep it buckled for the WHOLE flight- all FOUR AND A HALF hours.

Me: Nope. I'm fine. Plenty of room between me and the belt.

Her: Make sure it stays on

Me : (thinking- Jeeez its on, get over it and move the eff on) saying : I will, thanks!

Flight takes of yada yada- we're all good.

About an hour into the flight the drink cart comes around. Ms Thing offers me a drink, then asks if my seatbelt is on. I stand up and point to the fact that I am STANDING with my belt still on (So clearly, NOT TIGHT) she hands me my water and moves on.

We pass over the Denver area and his some turbulence (Im assuming it was Denver, but its not like Im looking at flightmap- I just saw snow covered mountains so I am assuming that it was the rockies we were flying over)

Fasten Seatbelt sign comes on.
Guess who comes running to my seat to check and make sure my seatbelt is still fastened.

At this point the guy next to my grandma even starts to notice a pattern and we dub her "Seatbelt Nazi"

The rest of the flight, we take bets as to whether or not said Sealtbelt Nazi will come running anytime, the Fasten Seatbelt sign came back on, we hit even the teeniest bit of turbulence, or she was just in general passing through the cabin.

I think in total she asked me about seven different times whether or not my seatbelt was on.

I know that a *certain* airline is notorious for their treatment of heavy people, but I was not flying SWA.. I was actually flying American. And I wasn't mistreated really, just repeatedly picked on I guess. It was more of a nuisance and/or annoyance than anything else.

As you know, this has been *quite* the trying term. Well, as of this weekend, the assignments are all turned in and I'm shouting from the rooftops :Free At Last! Free At Last!:

In celebration, "the girls" from my book club and I decided to celebrate with a "Girls Night In" - since its the holiday's and all, we tied it into an impromptu Holiday Party, complete with delicious adult drinks (My drink of choice, the Bourbon Ball Martini which I learned how to make while down in Louisville- quite YUM and definitely perfect for a holiday get together) and white elephant gifts. I have not laughed that hard in a really long time. It was nice to actually socialize for a change, catch up with my girls and actually have an evening where I wasn't thinking "oh man, I should really get home..I have so much to do". What a wonderful way to spend my first night of freedom!

If you've never done a White Elephant before, it's quite fun (and simple)- you take an old or old/new (ie- "new" but sitting in your house for however long) item, wrap it up and bring it to the party. From there everyone's rules differ, but you essentially all choose & open a present and then madness ensues.

I ended up "gifting" an 8 foot blow up snowman that I received as a xmas present a few years back, and received in return a singing GLEE Magic 8 Ball. Definitely worth the trade in my opinion.

But even without the gifts and the drinks, its always good to throw your head back and have a good hard laugh til you can't breathe night with your friends, and that is definitely what Saturday was for me. It made me realize that no matter how busy I get with school- I need to stop once in a while and make time for fun once in a while.

Have you had a fun girls night in recently? I'd love to hear about it!

Monday, December 12, 2011

I know, I know.. who are you- right? Where have you been for the past oh, six or so weeks. I'm sorry that I have disappeared again, but to be honest being a Literature major having to write paper after paper and expound upon topic after topic really sucks the creative juices right out of you. Especially when you are having to do it over and over and over again- and balance a job- thereby forcing your creative process late into the nights and wee hours of the morning. However, as of midnight this morning- I am FREEEEEEE! Hallelujah!

What does this freedom have to do with Self Confidence? Allow me to be ancedotal for just a moment.

As I was writing my final papers- and growing tired of my "100 Most Relaxing Songs" CD as Ive totally worn that baby out over the past few weeks ( I can only think and write in intense situations while listening to classical music- and Pandora just doesnt do it for me when it comes to Classical music). So, sick of my 100 Classical Songs CD, I decided to switch into Christmas Music since it's December and all.

A Song came up on my ITunes- called "Still Still Still". Its a Christas Carol- quite beautiful actually. When I was in high school, it was the audition piece to make it into select ensemble. I remember auditioning and shaking like a leaf, and unable to hit the "high note" in the first section of the song (its a G- not really all that high but for a 15/16 year old, it seems high)

I've implanted the You Tube link in case you want to hear the song but Im mentioning it merely for its ancedotal value at this point. I never did make select ensemble ( I was never "good enough") but fast forward to the present time. Even up to a few years ago, singing had always been something I have't quite been able to "share" with people... I would always become grossly intimidated because in the past, sharing my voice with people would always have negative consequence due to lack of self confidence- I would either forget the words, fall apart and go sharp or flat - or just generally have a whole mess of things go wrong. However, recently, probably since finishing that first triathlon I've suddenly found myself again.

I was asked to "pinch hit" in choir a few months ago (I haven't been regularly attending because of - you guessed it- school) but my choir director knew I could hit the A (yes... an A, much higher than that damn G of years past) with no issue, for a song we were singing and asked if I would come to fill out the Soprano section. It was the first time that I had been "needed" and I knocked it right out of the park :the crowd went wild: :cheering, applause:

Fast forward a few months later, and I'm knocking out papers on Patriarchal Hegemony dropping these big assed words like it's nobody's business. Words that have been floating around in my brain for some time, but I never had the proverbial balls to whip em out. I have been afraid of Russian Literature for who knows how long- afraid why? Because Ive always thought it too hard- too above my mental capacities to be able to absorb... and what did I do this term? Dabbled in the Russians of course.

There is a point, I promise this isn't a Millie love fest. That triathlon, gave me so much more than a blog to write on, or new friends to share in my journey, or a path to a healthier me- it gave me back- well me. The me I had thought I lost some time ago. She is slowly starting to peek out again and bask in the sunshine. Being able to set a task and see it all the way through showed me that I'm worth investing in. That I am fully capable of going the distance, and not wussing out or chickening out- or giving up.

And, if I am capable of these things.. I know you are too! So, throw open your arms, throw caution to the wind, and open up all those windows to your soul that have been locked up and shuttered... the old you will grow in the sunshine.. you just have to allow them to do it!

What activities has your lack of self-cofidence held you back from doing lately? Or.. if its easier to answer it this way: If I wasn't ________ I would ________