If He Wasn’t Good For Me, Why Can’t I Get Over Him?

Breakups are hard. Even the ones that we know are literally the best thing for us.

And as we fight like hell to move on, we come upon the golden question

I left him in the past, but he is still present in my heart.

Wouldnt it be nice if when we finally took a step to free ourselves from something that wasnt good for us (aka, an unhealthy relationship) that we actually felt FREE?

I think that when we break off a relationship, walk away from something thrilling but damaging, and start on a new path, we feel the loss of companionship and hope that the pang of loneliness doesnt trap usand that we escape its grasp and run into the arms of the RIGHT guy, the NEW life, and the FREEDOM of moving on.

I mean, thats how we want it to go, right?

End bad relationship? Check! Heal from pain of the breakup? Check! Learn my lesson and grow in my faith? Double Check! Never think about the ex? Check! Meet the RIGHT guy? Check! Live happily ever after? YES PLEASE.

But sometimesmost timesit doesnt really go in that perfect little order and instead our hearts fight this dragon that has us in his grasp, breathing the pain of loss and loneliness down our neck.

So there we are, confused and alone in a dark cave like, HI, WHY AM I STILL SITTING IN THIS CAVE WITH THIS DANG DRAGON?

You know, I wish I could point to a date on a calendar and say, look, if you can hold on a little longer and make it to here, youll never struggle with this again. The dragon will stop breathing his firey breath on you and you wont feel the pain of loneliness or heartbreak again. Ever. Youll never even think about it.

Unfortunately I cant do that for two reasons:1. I dont have a calendar and I cant see into the future.2. I dont know your heart or what God is doing in it.

But I do know one thing:

Your pain is normal and your feelings are valid. Its a beautiful thing that you are taking steps out of a relationship that may not have been quite right and stepping into one with Jesus. And its a bazillion percent true that He alone can satisfy you.

BUT, He didnt say that you wouldnt experience painin fact, He said you would have trouble in this life. In fact, He said that you WOULD have pain in this life. But that you can fight it bravely because He has overcome the worst of the worst in the world EVEN heartbreak like yours (John 16:33).

While youre still sitting in that cave, while your heart is still mending and trying to move on and out of the cave, you may be thinking of Jesus more like a bucket of water than a Knight in Shining Armor. Perhaps youve turned Him into a treatment to ease the pain instead of the cure that ends it.

When the pang of loneliness breaths its firey breath on you, are you trying to dump water on it to diffuse it temporarily? Or are you letting Him fight the dragon for you to the death? Are you turning to Jesus to be a bandaid over the wound? Or are you letting Him actually cure the pain?

Letting Jesus overcome the world of pain we face requires a total surrender of our swordof our desire to fix it ourselves and have it comfort us in the process. Hes not just a teddy bear to squeeze. Hes a powerhouse and we have the invitation to step into that powerbut it costs us somethingit costs us our own strength, power, and trust in ourselves that we once had.

Because the old way of life and the past will always try to burn us and remind us of its existence because it wants us to live thereespecially if there was a thrill to it. Old habits, old flames, old love. But when Jesus is your Knight, your cure, and your Kingthen you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).

So I guess I just want to tell you that although I cant give you the perfect answer or a date where you will move on and conquer the dragon in your heart once and for all, I can tell you have a Knight in Shining armor who says:

HEY, LOOK, YOURE GOING TO FACE PAIN IN THIS LIFE AND YOU WONT ALWAYS UNDERSTAND IT. BUT COMPARED TO THE GLORY THAT WILL COME FROM OUT OF IT, THIS IS MINOR, NOT EVEN WORTH COMPARING. AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATTLE, YOU DONT HAVE TO FIGHT ALONE. LAY DOWN YOUR SWORD, I GOT THIS.