When it Feels Like Worry is Winning

I often describe my son as a World-Class Worrier. In his eight years on this planet, he has conquered a wealth of worries.

Worry is tricky. It ebbs and flows. It changes shape. It pops up, out of nowhere, on a clear blue day.

Sometimes, it can feel like worry is winning.

When it Feels Like Worry is Winning

When you are in the throes of a worry swell, it can be hard to think clearly. It can be challenging to remember that you’ve done this before.

Today, I’m sharing it all. From stories and articles about our experience with worry, to DIY worry-busting strategies, to resources that have been instrumental in our family.

My hope is that these articles, tips, and resources will help your child achieve another Worry Win.

I also want you to know this: It is brave to ask for help. If your child’s worry is impairing his or her daily functioning, if the worry is making it difficult for your family to function, and/or if you have a history of anxiety in your family, ask for help. Call your pediatrician or ask around to find a wonderful mental health counselor. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and/or play therapy can work wonders not just for your child, but for your whole family.

Worry-Related Articles

I want you to know that I am right there in the throes with you. I do not claim to have all the answers, but I can share our family’s story. We have conquered many worries and I know we will be faced with more.

Worry is tricky. It ebbs and flows. Sometimes it spikes and other times it goes on hiatus. Sometimes, you’ll assume you’ve conquered it once and for all, only to have it pop up again with a vengeance out of the clear blue. Just when you think you’ve figured it out, it changes the game. As a parent, it can be challenging to know when to support and power through and when to support and back off entirely.

Anxiety is a tough beast to manage period. Add sensory processing disorder to the mix and you have one scary animal. SPD and anxiety feed off of each other. It’s one of those chicken-egg scenarios, and you’re not sure which one comes first, but they both feed off of and fuel each other, resulting in one terrible mess.

So much of parenting is knowing your child and trusting your gut and uttering a prayer that you’re doing it right. We left the pool that day and we took an entire year off from lessons of any sort. We didn’t push him to overcome any anxiety he had about water, but neither did we avoid it. We didn’t join the pool the following summer, but we did spend many days at pools or on beaches with friends and family members. We had some challenging days and some wonderful days too. That’s the nature of the anxiety beast, isn’t it?

The apple does not fall far from its tree. I was once a little worrier, too. So is it any surprise that I should have a child who stays up late pondering big, scary questions?

In this post, I share a story about my nighttime worries as a very young child. It is a story of asynchrony. Sometimes young children can have complicated thoughts and worries and fears and yet not be able to verbally describe them. Sometimes the worries are bigger than the child. Sometimes the child’s mind houses thoughts that his or her emotions cannot yet process. Sometimes the child’s thoughts are bigger than his or her ability to verbally describe them.

Parenting a little worrier is not for the faint of heart. We all falter. Some days, we falter more than others. When it feels like you are faltering more than usual, it can help to slow down. Pause. Stop to really listen. Take the time to have a difficult conversation at an inopportune time. All that other stuff can wait.

Perfectionism, properly channeled, can be an asset as it can drive a child to be motivated and to work hard. However, perfectionism has a dark side, too. Perfectionism and its partner-in-crime, fear of failure, can contribute to task avoidance, underachievement, and a reduced self-concept. Gifted children are often said to have a heightened awareness of the world around them, and that includes an awareness of their risk of failure in a given situation.

This is an article about superpowers. For far too many years, I viewed my sensitivity as a deficit, a weakness, something I wished to change.When I was a little girl, I wished it away. I yearned for some magic pill that, when swallowed, would stop my eyes from shedding tears. But, at some point, I began to see this weakness as the strength that it is. It took me years, decades even, but I now view my sensitivity as a superpower.

I’m mom to a little girl with superpowers just like mine. The last thing I want is for my daughter to go through much of her life wishing her superpower away like I did as a child. I see the strength in her. I see her big heart, her kind soul. In my world, it’s wonderful to be smart and funny, but kindness trumps all. I want her to see that, too.

Riding the wave of anxiety is exhausting. If you are the parent of a little kid with BIG worries, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I am, by my very nature, a patient person. Yet, when that Worry Monster rears his ugly, sneaky little noggin’ in our home, he disrupts everything. The Worry Monster is invasive, all-consuming, and destructive. When we are in the throes of a swell in anxiety, I find myself so incredibly exhausted, worn to my very core. I used to believe I had infinite wells of patience but the Worry Monster has taught me that my well can run dry… and it can run dry very quickly.

I already know the steps. I know what we should be doing when worry hits, and also during those blessed lulls in between the waves. And yet, when you are riding the wave of anxiety, it can be extremely challenging to remember these strategies, to keep your eye on the prize, and to power through.

Let’s face it: The news is scary. It’s always been scary, but it has certainly upped the ante recently.

I’ve always been a sensitive soul. It has taken decades to embrace my sensitivity as the strength that it is. Highly sensitive people care deeply for others. Highly sensitive souls are empathy rockstars. And, do you know what? Highly sensitive adults often go on to have highly sensitive children.

That means that this week, your children may be covering their ears in their bedrooms wondering why we haven’t evolved past this. When the news is nightmarish, give these tips a try!

Fighting Worry at Home: Helpful DIY Strategies

When you are parenting a worrier, you try everything. Some strategies work well, while others are duds. Here are some strategies that have worked in our home. When you are finished reading, I’d love if you could share what works for your family. Let’s all learn from each other!

Yes, some of us worry more than others but everyone worries. Worry and anxiety serve an important purpose: protection. If you are mothering a worrier, it is important to tell your child that they are not alone. Everyone worries!

And while you can’t magically whisk away your child’s worry, you can work together to manage worries when they spike. One way to manage worry is by referring to your Worry Toolbox.

So a couple of months ago, when we were in the midst of a terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad sleep phase over here, I posted a photo of my little guy’s Worry Basket on Facebook. The response was incredible! Had I known you guys would like it so much, I would have made the Worry Basket look a little prettier (I mean, technically it’s not even a basket– it’s a plastic tub!). I received so many messages asking about what the Worry Basket contained, and how we use it at home. I promised everyone that I would write a post about it, and today I am going to show you how to make your own worry basket.

I wish I had stumbled upon this strategy years ago! These doodle diaries have changed our family dynamic.

Sometimes we draw for ten minutes while other times we draw for an hour or longer. I have been consistently amazed by how quickly this simple act changes the mood of our family. Within a few minutes, my children are calm, quiet, and focused.

I always work alongside my children, and I believe that to be part of the draw. It’s quality, creative time together. There are no to-dos or must-dos during this time. Our only goal is to create together.

When our doodle time is over we are calm. It is as if, together, we have flipped a switch. Doodle time provides us with a moment of mindfulness in the midst of a busy day. When it is over, we start fresh with renewed energy and patience.

Worry dolls are colorful, teeny-tiny little dolls that come in a pouch. Typically, each pouch contains six worry dolls. Worry dolls are thought to originate in Guatemala, where they were given to those who had trouble sleeping due to worries. The idea is that you can share one worry with each doll, for a total of six worries, and let the doll worry for you so that you can sleep.

It’s like a brain dump, but much more fun.

The only trouble is, traditional worry dolls are teeny-tiny and they get lost easily. I speak from experience. Here are two DIY worry doll options for your family to try!

Calm Down Cards have been extremely helpful to the little fellow with BIG worries in my house. We keep them in his Worry Basket for easy-access.

It can be hard for young children to remember how to calm down when in the throes of anxiety. Calm Down Cards help children to identify their own unique coping strategies, and they help children to remember and to practice these coping skills. The cards provide a sense of power and ownership over the worry and provide some early independence for young children.

This post was the result of my son’s wizard obsession. My husband found a wizard book at our transfer station’s “free library” and it became one of our Instant Dump Classics. I love to encourage creativity and exploration, but I was finding tons of colored vials all over my house. I decided that if you can’t beat them, you should join them. I decided to redirect the wizardry. I asked the Wizard make his very own Calm Down Spray.

In this post, I share a recipe for Calm Down Spray using lavender essential oil. It’s super-easy to make and it smells wonderful. Lavender is said to help to calm and induce sleep.

Play dough is a fun sensory experience for children. It allows them to work on fine motor skills while using their imagination and creativity. Today I’m going to tell you how to make your own DIY Calm Down Play Dough using lavender essential oil. Lavender has calming properties and this play dough is a great activity for the little worrier in your life. It would make the perfect addition to your Worry Basket!

I think it is important for children to be exposed to fitness and healthy choices, and to know that exercise makes you strong, healthy, and happy. Monkey see, monkey do!

Working out in front of my children has made them want to work out, too. Now, at 8, 6, and almost 5-years of age, they are three little yogis! They love when I pop in a DVD so that they can find their own zen spaces. And I love that they are enjoying fitness and learning important and lifelong skills.

Here are some of our family’s favorite yoga and mindfulness resources!

Cait is a school psychologist, mom to three amazing children, and an unexpected homeschooler. She loves nature, good books, board games, strong coffee, and dancing in her kitchen. You can read about all of these things and more at My Little Poppies.

Cait is a contributing writer for Simple Homeschool and GeekMom. Her work has also appeared on The Huffington Post, The Mighty, and Scary Mommy. You can find her on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Instagramand G+.