Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Thanksgiving is stupid.

Anyone who knows me in real life has heard me say multiple times how much I dislike Thanksgiving and how I think we need to just stop celebrating it. It all comes down to these finer points:

I like to eat turkey. But I feel like I can eat turkey anytime of year. I just don't because in my head I'm like, "No- you look dumb buying a turkey in say... July. Turkey is for Thanksgiving." I hate feeling all of this pressure that turkey is only for Thanksgiving. Have you tried buying a turkey outside of a holiday? The cashiers are always like, "Oh, having a fun family get together?" No bitch, I just want some fucking turkey- is that alright with you?

I don't live to eat and I don't feel any kind of happiness while eating so I don't understand the whole, "I'm going to eat until I'm on the verge of barfing!" thing.

My family doesn't really do gatherings. I mean, we get together on the obligatory holidays but it's not because we love being around each other and do all of this fun family memory building stuff- it's because it's a holiday and that's what you do. We eat, bitch about doing dishes and then.. that's it.

We also don't watch football. Well, my brother does but since none of us do, he usually leaves after food so he can go home and watch it.

I don't even like the Macy's parade. I think if they made it commercial free and instead of having those annoying morning show anchors, turned it into a Pop Up Video episode giving me the information, I'd like it better. Plus, it's hard to take any news anchor seriously about organizations helping sick and dying children, or the plight of poverty when they are wearing outdoor clothing that cost more than my house mortgage payment.

I feel like if you need a holiday, or even a month, to really recognize what you are grateful for, you're probably a terrible person. And I hate all of these people on Facebook who are like, "I'm grateful for sunny weather and coffee in the morning!". What the fuck? Seriously? I know November has a lot of days and by the end of the first week your daily gratefulness posts are probably difficult for you, but sunny weather and coffee? Move to Colombia and unfriend me. Thanks.

I think a holiday celebrating pilgrims is just kind of wrong. I mean really, if you don't know why pilgrims were assholes you either failed American History or have poor reading comprehension skills.

So with that, I'd like to boycott Thanksgiving. But I can't because there's that whole obligatory family gathering and then turkey. I love me some turkey and I didn't have any in July and so I'm due for turkey.

I'm grateful for instant mashed potatoes because I really hate peeling potatoes & I really hate mashed potatoes with skins in so without instant mashed potatoes I'd never get any . Thank you Betty Crocker for drying out potato flakes for me.

We're going out for Thanksgiving dinner because there is far more joy in dining out than dining in in our family.

I like to read, yall.

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