*For entertainment purposes only ;)

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On Monday, assorted bankers, traders and Wall Street lawyers will gather inside the neo-Georgian walls of the Harvard Club in midtown Manhattan to write big checks to an unlikely recipient: Ted Cruz.

Cruz, who attended Harvard Law School, isn’t one to trade too heavily on old school ties and friendships at the likes of Goldman Sachs, where his wife works. On the campaign trail, the Texas senator has railed against Wall Street “crony capitalism,” ripped giant banks as “too big to fail” and wrapped himself in populist garb in his quest to take down Donald Trump. But now he’s desperate: Cruz, who has already received $12 million in support from the financial industry, needs Wall Street money more than ever.

Cruz reminds me a bit of Hillary at this point. Willing to do literally anything, put aside any principle to get the Presidency. Granted, he doesn’t have the treasonous, felonious past and he hasn’t spent a lifetime covering for his spouse regularly raping other women. But aside from that stuff, he is starting to remind me of Hillary.

On a more earnest note, Cruz offering to fellate the very people he verbally attacked last month is due to some serious financial problems with the campaign. I’m hearing that donations dropped sharply last month, and with Kasich only surviving on money from George Soros, it couldn’t be more clear that Republicans in this country have chosen Trump as their nominee. But just like the DNC, the RNC isn’t big on the whole democratic republic thing.