It's all about 'The Journey'. And the number one lesson I've learned is that we must 'let go' in order to 'gain control'.... especially on the lonely path of the Warrior. By sharing my experiences of anxiety, depression and diaGnosis, I hope to not only educate, humor and enlighten; but ultimately provide the much needed strength to discover Truth.

Total Pageviews

Twitter

True Power

" True power does not need arrogance, a long beard and a barking voice. True power is attained with silk ribbons, charm and intelligence" -Oriana Fallaci in "Il Divo"

My Journey

Dr Kay Jamison said it best - "An Unquiet Mind". The continuous loop of internal dialogue. The highs. The lows. So finally, twelve(12)years removed from my original diaGnosis, I've learned to respect my Mind and it's unique abilities. Take it seriously. I've found my purpose. I've found my passion. Help is desperately needed for the millions suffering from the diaGnosis of bipolar disorder and severe depression. More than just coping methods. The real question is - 'What's the source of our suffering?'' It's time to reach out. Raise awareness. Share my journey.With the country's current emotional temperament, there's no better time than now. You see, during this roller coaster ride, I've lost everything. My money. My 'friends'. My soul. But somehow I've found the strength to navigate through bipolar disorder's gauntlet. I've learned that it's not a death sentence but actually a gift. Simply a race car that needs to be learned to be driven. The trick is - not too fast or not too slow. Always misunderstood. Years of expectations. Years of pain. Years of disappointment have led me to an epiphany.... In this game we call life, it's not if you can win or lose. It's if you can survive.

Wednesday

In light of the
recent school shooting, I truly believe that society needs to wake up and take
a deeper look beyond the most obvious issues of gun control and mental illness.
The numbers of disgruntled youth and violence are at an all time high. While
there have been mixed reviews on the latest ‘blog gone viral’ by the ‘Anarchist
Soccer Mom’ (http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.com/2012/12/thinking-unthinkable.html
) comparing her 13 yr old boy to a mass murderer, I think there is a much more
sinister issue at hand.

Raising a child
that is under mental distress must be a tremendous strain on one’s mind, body
and spirit. Speaking from experience, when left unchecked, mental dis-ease can
spin out of control and cause a lot of chaos within the family unit. Parents
are being urged to take a look at themselves, get educated and develop
effective coping ‘tools’ that encourage communication, active listening and mutual
cooperation. I’m currently living in Colorado collaborating with Rael Reddick,
founder/facilitator of The E.R.I.C Program (http://www.ericprogram.com/ ), to
further develop her method of reintroducing/educating families dealing with
mental health issues. I personally feel this approach will promote growth for
both the caretakers as well as those diagnosed. At the same time, once a line of communication
is established, those that are diagnosed must be held accountable to hold up
their end of the bargain. By agreeing to set boundaries, communicate with
respect and engage in productive activities, the recovery process can begin. Easier said than done.

Growing up in the
60’s/70’s in New Jersey, most kids would admit adolescence was difficult. Peer
pressure, making/maintaining friendships and finding our place in this world
can be a daunting task. Given there wasn’t a manual, parents did the best they
could. Even though I grew up in an upper middle class environment, I personally
struggled in my formative years. I was teased. I put a lot a pressure on myself to be the
best at everything. I had anger issues due to my difficulties trying to ‘fit in’.
I would often have my tantrums, be sent to my room and/or simply have to “wait
until your father gets home”. LOL. But never in a million years would any of us
think about picking up a firearm and letting loose on our classmates.

The drastic
increase in ‘problem children’ in today’s society is not only disturbing, but
fishy. ‘Perfect parenting’ aside, today’s youth has been exposed to many
factors that are not readily talked about in mainstream media. We can all rant
and rave about ‘Mommy should’ve done this or Daddy shouldn’t have done that’.
But what if there’s more to this story? What if the increase in mental illness,
violence, drug abuse and suicide has less to do with parenting and more to do
with control?

Let’s take a look at the taboo subjects such as GMO’s (genetically modified organisms),
toxic amounts of Fluoride in the drinking water, HAARP (High-frequency Active
Auroral Research Program), Chemtrails and the recently released (and bloated)
DSM-5(Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders) that promotes the
use of dangerous drugs (SSRI’s) that are being given out like candy to any and
all takers.

This seems to be a
case of cause and effect. All we see on television and digital media is the end
result. The ‘effect’ if you will. We hear about mass shootings, mental illness
and cancer, but never about the possible causes. …The covert (and overt for
that matter) programs that are being pawned off as breakthroughs in science.
Could all this chaos be by design?

I’d like to give a
brief overview of these topics and include a link for your further review.

Genetically
modified foods (GMO’s) have been proven to cause infertility, immune system dysfunction,
organ damage and death in lab animals. Has any mainstream media outlet ever even
considered what these Frankenfoods are doing to the mental/physical health of
society?

Fluoride in our
drinking water has been rationalized to promote dental health for years, when
in reality it has been linked to blocked thyroid function, kidney failure,
mental illness and a bevy of other illnesses.

HAARP’s Extremely
Low Frequency (ELF) radiation waves have not only been linked to weather
manipulation, but known to be used for psychological warfare causing stress, depression,
anxiety, seizures ……and ultimately effect body function, thoughts and emotions.

If anyone has
looked up into the sky lately, Chemtrails are appearing more and more
frequently. What’s the big secret? Under the guise of geo-engineering to prevent
global warming, these trails have been said to contain aluminum and barium compounds
as well as red blood cells, bacteria and viruses. Symptoms that people have
been reporting are memory loss, headaches, dizziness, difficulty thinking, depression,
irritability … the list goes on.

And then there’s
the new DSM-5. It’s obvious that the goal is to assign a ‘diagnosis’ to every
man, woman and child on this planet in order for them to be treated with
extremely dangerous mind altering drugs(SSRI’s) with multiple side
effects(including murder). In my
opinion, most of these new ‘disorders’ are being created in order to control
society, make us sick and create more clients for Big Pharma. Not knowing the
long term effects of these drugs is not only frightening but criminal.

I am truly saddened by the recent tragedy at the Sandy Hook
Elementary School. I believe that mental health is a huge issue that needs
tremendously more funding for research. I believe we need more communication
based programs like the E.R.I.C Program. I believe guns should not be available
to children. I believe today’s youth is exposed to too much violence through
Hollywood, video games and sensationalism by our ‘if it bleeds, it leads’ media
outlets. But I challenge you all to look beyond the headlines; which are ripe
with disinformation and the ‘effects’ of our broken society. Educate yourself
and protect your children from toxic foods/medications. It’s time to wake up
and look at the probable causes of social unrest, mental illness and violence that
are conveniently being covered up. Maybe the drugs being prescribed and the convenient
foods being served have something to do with all this madness.

Tuesday

I've always had the desire to contribute to the growth of
others. Time, energy and lots of money were thrown to the wayside in order to
make other people happy. In retrospect, this was my way of not dealing with my
own issues … taking on the role of ‘the helper’.

It’s been almost 10 months since I entered a treatment
facility to deal with the aftermath of a manic episode that lasted the good
part of the last 3 years. I now know that I wasn't in as good space, even
though at the time I thought I was being ‘productive’.

By making a conscious decision to discontinue coping with
drugs and alcohol, I've begun to see life in a new light. And this light
continues to illuminate many issues I've been depressing for years.

The fog has lifted. And I've only begun to deal with the
many emotional issues that date back to my early childhood. But I have to
accept them, accelerate through them and conquer them. Period.

Q – What’s the best thing about recovery?

A -We get our emotions back.

Q –What’s the worst thing about recovery?

A -Yup, we get our emotions back.

My desire to truly know what love is and having the ability
to give it unconditionally is very high on my ‘growth list’. My past relationships
have been more like possessions; taking prisoners if you will. ‘Do as I say and
I’ll be happy’.’ Don’t cross me and everything will be fine.’ They were the
epitome of superficial relationships based in fear, convenience and
self-centeredness. Not having the ability to appreciate people for who they
are….Looking at people as objects vs. loving human beings. I would unknowingly
judge them on their potential. While at the same time always hoping they would ‘come
around’ …. Develop into who I wanted or needed them to be. Not cool.

Looking outside of my ‘self’ for happiness has also been a
thorn in my side. Trying to fill the ‘God hole’ with possessions, success,
acknowledgements and money is a recipe for disaster. And I’m dealing with the
consequences as I write this. Money and success have been major motivational
factors for as long as I can remember. I now know I was programmed to think
this way and by the grace God I’ve been given the opportunity to adjust my game
plan and remove this illusion from my consciousness.

The Remedy is Love

The only way we can be ‘whole’ is to look within vs. without.
Nothing external is going to fulfill our desire to be loved. We must love
ourselves first. This takes compassion, acceptance and humility … traits that
I’ve never considered important until recently. I’ve always had a ‘kind heart’,
a trait I can trace back to my mother (and father). But unfortunately this
‘kind heart’ frequently had conditions.

Conditional love is the work of Darkness. Constantly
reminding us to take all we can get without thinking of others. When selfishness
is inadvertently instilled in us at a very young age, it’s a difficult habit to
break. But once broken, we finally have
the ability to think of others first. Give of ourselves and not look for
anything in return. This is the true essence of Love. In the book, ‘The Road
Less Traveled’, M Scott Peck defines Love
as “the extending of one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or
another’s spiritual growth”. Wow.

Not taking the opportunity to face my demons would be a
tragedy. A tragedy because of what would be lost. I need to take advantage of
the opportunity to assist others in working through the same emotional issues
that have plagued me for years. When it comes right down to it, I've had to
snap out of the ‘blame game’ and use my new found knowledge to access the
infinite wisdom that is embedded in my DNA. There are no shortcuts. We can’t
wait on others to save us. We have to ‘attack the day’ and endure the pain that
comes with spiritual growth.

Looking at pain as a ‘price of admission’, we ultimately
realize that spiritual growth is a gift. Spiritual growth is luxury that
requires us to accept the necessary pain that will lead us to the joy of
recovering from our past. Accepting this path to enlightenment, we will
ultimately feel gratitude for the wisdom that we've attained.

Change Hurts

It’s difficult to embrace change. Change is hard. Change is
scary. But change is the only thing in this world we can count on. Nothing
stays the same…ever. We can reminisce about what we had or where we've been,
but always knowing that it’s the journey we need to focus on. Change and growth
are painful. And to take a quote from the movie, ‘Prometheus’, “The trick is to
not mind the pain”.

Wayne Dyer often speaks about ‘enjoying the mystery’ of
life. Once we realize that life is both mysterious and painful, we open
ourselves to all the joy that life provides. So many of us are scared of growth
and the pain that comes with it. To finally take the first step towards healing
the past, enjoying the present and being optimistic about the future …. This is
the true meaning of liberation.

Courage is being scared to do something and making the
choice to do it anyway. So do it scared. It gives us the opportunity to smash
our Ego and break the chains that have been holding us back from fulfilling our
destiny. We must embrace the pain, move through it and look forward to the joy
that awaits us on the other side.

Never Afraid To Fail

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”