Honestly, I don’t know if I’m up to the task. Sure, I’ve done the Transformers films, so I have some experience with robots. But Bumblebee and Optimus Prime had some personality. I could work with that. But lawyers? They’re more like the robots you see in an auto plant. The types they don’t make action figures of.

What more is there to say? Lathamed, it’s like Titanic, but with fewer survivors.

Jones Day has confirmed staff cuts in Los Angeles, Dallas, and Cleveland, but claims no attorneys were lost in the latest headcount reduction. Lyle Ganske, head of the Cleveland office had this to say about the layoffs:

While the entire legal industry has seen radical shifts, we continue to hire additional lawyers to meet client demands. We have also kept our traditional summer and on-campus recruiting programs, and are poised for additional growth.

Ganske clearly has difficult with at least one of the three following words: “poised,” “growth,” or “tact.”

Carol Burdick is in court, making her case against a former landlord, claiming she was wrongfully evicted from her apartment. The offense that got her kicked out was an Easter display at her door containing, among other sundries, a pyramid of Peeps. Now, she’s bringing in some Peeps “experts” to help make her case:

The trial will continue at 9 a.m. Wednesday and is expected to include testimony from a parade of witnesses including a former art teacher who uses Peeps in her artwork, a Denver man who hosts an annual Peeps barbecue and the third-place winners of a Peeps diorama contest.

If there’s one thing this case is guaranteed to bring, it’s a lot of stiff white people trying to make “peeps” jokes.

The Juris Doctors were created by law schools.
They were laid off.
They devolved.
They look and feel human.
Some are programmed to think they are human.
There are many copies.
And they don't have a plan.