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For the rates Venetian gondoliers charge you might expect a massage and a 3-course meal during your cruise of the canals. With the introduction of the Voga Voyage at Loews Coronado Bay Resort Gondola Company, you can at least check the massage off the list.

Your vessel for the journey among the Coronado Cays will be a softly wrapped, sun-warmed massage table. In turn, that table will ride upon an authentic 33-foot gondola that launches from the resort’s private marina and then embarks on an hour-long cruise of Mediterranean-like waterways. Forty minutes of that will be occupied by masseurs tending to your physical needs, which includes the laying on of sunscreen before the more serious application of massaging hands. The last ten minutes of the trip will be given to sight-seeing, if you’re in any mood for that, while you and your chère company feast on the gondola’s supply of champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries.

Booking the $499 Voga Voyage also gets you a free night at the resort and its amenities, spread out on a secluded, 15-acre peninsula. And having saved on airfare to the Italian province, you just might have enough left over for the 3-course meal. It’s certainly not what Iago meant when he mentioned “creating the beast with two backs,” but this ride has a far less drama and a much happier ending…