Monday, September 22, 2014

Assuming this story is true, this week a Tampa, Florida (of course) area massage therapist named Jasmine Tridevil underwent plastic surgery to give herself a third breast. Yep, you read right. 3, count 'em, three boobs.I'm somewhat suspicious of this story, given the subject matter and especially the name "Tridevil." What's the matter, was the name "Tresboob" already taken? But since I can't prove it didn't happen, I will go along with the tale for now.Ms. Tridevil, if that is indeed her real name, said she contacted more than fifty doctors before finding one unscrup, er, willing to perform the $20,000 procedure.When asked why the hell anyone would ever want to do this to themselves, Ms. Tridevil claims she doesn't want to date anymore, and had the surgery to make herself "unattractive to men."Because Lord knows, the best way to repulse the opposite sex is to give them even more of the thing they want most.

Obviously Ms. Tridevil has never heard of a little film called Total Recall. Remember this, kids! Know your cinematic heritage. Those who don't remember film history are doomed to have a third breast implanted into their chests.

By the way, Ms. Tridevil said her new addition was met with mixed reviews by her family. Her mother is no longer speaking with her, and her father isn't happy with the situation, but "has accepted it." Because of course he has.UPDATE!:I was right– it's all a hoax. Jasmine Tridevil, whose real name is Alisha Hessler (I knew it!), does not have a third breast. Well, not a real one at least. According to a recent police report, Hessler's bag was stolen from a luggage conveyor at the Tampa airport. The bag was eventually recovered, and contained "a hairbrush, clothing, stiletto heels and a three breast prosthesis." So there you go.

Roddenberry also wanted the Ferengi to have 3 foot long schlongs, covered by enormous codpieces. Fortunately one of the producers talked him out of that idea. Apparently our pal Gene was quite the horn dog.