Unfortunately for Nice Chris, his incredibly boring side are now also incredibly incompetent, which isn't very nice at all and Norwich reckon Mackay, their former captain, will bang a few heads together and sort them out. Hooray!

Arsenal, still top of the league after putting Brendan Rodgers in his place, want to sign another midfielder, namely Borussia Dortmund's Ilkay Gundogan, available for around £25m. Coincidentally Jack Wilshere is injured again and will miss Wednesday's match against Dortmund. They're also after a defender, Basel's Fabian Schar on their radar, now that it has been fully established that Thomas Vermaelen is no use to anyone. Mind you, anyone who saw a wheezing, gasping Nicklas Bendtner's comedy turn against Chelsea last week will tell you that Arsenal's main priority should probably be finding some cover for Olivier Giroud.

Saido Berahino has been on the scene for all of five seconds so it's only natural that a load of big clubs want to steal him away from West Bromwich Albion. But they're not having it, Steve Clarke eager to tell Arsenal, Chelsea and Everton to do one in his menacing deadpan drawl. Once he's done that, he'll persuade Berahino to sign a new contract, perhaps using a menacing deadpan drawl to convince him.

Here, Manchester United have gone seven matches unbeaten – either popular author, Sir Alex Ferguson, is managing them in secret or David Moyes really is, in the words of Manchester City fans, a football genius, which means he can get away with sending Wilfried Zaha on loan to Cardiff. He's had a look and he doesn't like what he sees but he does like the look of Lech Poznan's Karol Linetty, the new Luka Modric apparently. Might as well have just signed the actual Luka Modric in the summer, then.