Disney World: Magic, my tush

By Wendy Widom

Bloggers

6/15/11 9:29 AM

We've all seen the commercials: kids jumping for joy
when their parents surprise them with a trip to Disney World. Huge
smiles abound as the family whirls in tea cups, eats breakfast with
princesses and hugs Mickey until the cows come home.

You watch and can't help but feel jealous of the sheer happiness
that this "Disney family" exhibits. It's contagious, and you do as
the advertisement intends: book a family trip to the Magic Kingdom.
Well, magic my tush.

See, I recently experienced it with my two girls (ages 2 and 4),
and it wasn't long before I realized why the commercials never
depict the faces of the parents (they might never sell a ticket if
they did!). Which brings me to...drum roll, please....my top 3
reasons to rethink that Disney vacation:

1. Hurry Up...Then Wait

I knew the long lines would be an issue before I even bought our
tickets. Taking in everyone's advice, I had meticulously
planned our strategy: Fast Pass for quick entry, arrive at the
opening whistle, walk left upon entering the gate.

There I was with my Excel sheet, Disney phone app, and daily
family pow-wows to determine who's going where and what was
required to reserve special breakfasts and dinners with the certain
characters, months in advance. I'm pretty sure Ulysses
S. Grant sketched out fewer plans before going into battle.

But in truth, even a 1000-page tome on navigating Disney
wouldn't eliminate the long, long, did I mention long, lines for
rides, character photo opps and more. And we all know
there is no chance of persuading your young child that she doesn't
need the photo or autograph. A two-and-a-half hour wait
for one photo with a young woman in a plastic dress with straw hair
down to her feet? You betcha, been there and done that
(at least five times in three days).

2. It's A Small (and Scary) World

A lot of the rides and movies at Disney are truly scary. In
fact, there should be warning signs to register the expected degree
of fear, like the minimum height signs. Turns out, Mickey Mouse in
3-D isn't so easy on the little ones' eyes; my girls have refused
to see a movie since.

Plus, fireworks go off almost every hour. So if your kid isn't
into booming, ear-splitting noise, you're in for a
treat. My kids - not big fans of gun-shot-loud sounds -
were ready for A Magic Carpet Ride right back to the hotel.

3. Money Doesn't Grow On Trees, Even in
Disney

Holy Expensive! The last time I spent that much for a
sandwich, I was at the Carnegie Deli in Manhattan looking at the
pictures of George Burns and Gene Kelly on the wall before hitting
a Broadway show (And remember, there's enough turkey on that
sandwich to feed Ulysses S. Grant's army). Add in a $3
Sprite, $4 bag of chips, hundreds for the hotel,
hundreds for the park tickets, and wow - you've got a semester's
college tuition, 16 years from now.

So now that you've concluded I'm the Scrooge of Disney, let me
tell you this: We're going back..and likely, more than
once. Because despite my grouchy take on the experience as a
parent, it's really about those sweet and special moments that do
indeed last a lifetime (even if you overhear one woman scream at
her kids, "You can't be upset here. THIS IS OUR HAPPY PLACE!").

And, after all, it's those memories, fun, scary, silly, happy,
fearful, that make up the colorful kaleidoscope of
childhood. And it's our job as parents (and subsequent
cash cows) to make sure the kids experience life every once in a
while, to its fullest, Disney-style.