Saturday, October 25, 2008

Good thing we don't drink alcohol around our house. DH poured a glass of Diet Coke the other day, and the cat (Slick) jumped up on the counter and started drinking it. Slick also likes lemonade. We've decided that if we want something to drink, it'll have to be in a can or a covered glass/bottle of some kind if we don't want to share it with Slick. He also licks the moisture off the side of cans of soda in the summer time when they first come out of the fridge. Weird cat, he is.

My son's puppy, Max, is hilarious when he's eating Pringles (he likes the dill pickle ones). Put a whole chip on the floor, and he steps on it to break it up into pieces before he eats it. Then he sits down and looks at you, waiting for you to give him another one, which he then steps on, breaks, and eats. If you tell him he's had enough, he will look at you, cock his head, and then you have to tell him again that he's had enough. Then he'll either go lay down or find a toy for you to throw for him. Smart dog, for only 3 1/2 months old.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

This is just the result of one of the false assumptions made about fat people. We eat too much because we don't know when we're full.Want to lose weight? Try eating. That's one of the strategies being developed by scientists experimenting with foods that trick the body into feeling full.FAILRight, I'm so fat and stupid that I can't tell when my stomach is full, so I don't know when to stop eating. Therefore, my food needs to be modified to trick my body into feeling full. Give me a fucking break.

At the Institute of Food Research in Norwich, England, food expert Peter Wilde and colleagues are developing foods that slow down the digestive system, which then triggers a signal to the brain that suppresses appetite."That fools you into thinking you've eaten far too much when you really haven't," said Wilde. From his studies on fat digestion, he said it should be possible to make foods, from bread to yogurts, that make it easier to diet.

So you're going to suppress appetite, so people will eat less food. I wonder how long that will be effective? I mean really, isn't that what dieting is? Eating less food? We all know how long your body lets you get away with that. Do they really think that they can fool the body, indefinitely, into existing on fewer calories than it really needs? If they do, they aren't living in the real world.

But Bloom warned that controlling appetite may be more challenging. "The body has lots of things to prevent its regulatory mechanisms from being tricked," he said.For instance, while certain hormones regulate appetite, the brain also relies on nerve receptors in the stomach to detect the presence of food and tell it when the stomach is full.

Um, yeah, that's what I thought. But you're going to continue trying to trick one of Mother Nature's creations. Ain't happening, people.

Other experts worry about how such foods might be regulated once they are available. "If you have this magic bullet, how do you control who gets it? What do you do about anorexics or female adolescents?" asked Peter Fryer, a chemical engineer at the University of Birmingham who also researches modified foods.

I don't think they're worried at all about regulation of these foods simply because they want every fat person to eat them and magically become thin (yeah, right, like that's gonna happen). The thing is, they don't want thin people eating them and getting even thinner (or do they?). It's another way to rag on and discriminate against fat people for something that they really don't have a lot of control over.And what the hell is up with this worry about "anorexics and female adolescents"? Like those are mutually exclusive? Do only young girls worry about body image? Do only young girls have eating disorders? Is anorexia the only eating disorder worthy of notice? I really don't think they give a rat's ass about eating disorders or fat peoples' health, because if they did, they wouldn't continue to try to find ways of fucking with Mother Nature's design. She had a reason for creating a diversity of bodies, and so far, no one has been able to safely, permanently, successfully alter that. Get a clue, people, our physiology is too complex to ever learn everything there is to know about it (because just when you think you've learned it all, Mother Nature is going to throw you a curve ball and set you right back to where you started). So keep right on trying, I don't think you're gonna be successful (you have about as much chance of that as the cellulose dog does of surviving chasing the asbestos cat through hell).

"Dieting is an awful bore and most human beings are very gullible," Bloom said. "We need all the help science can provide."

Dieting is an awful bore? What about the fact that it usually doesn't work, not safely and not permanently? Boring is the best you can come up with? What about stressful? What about dangerous? What about unhealthy? What about futile? No, all you can come up with is boring.Most human beings are gullible? Really? Brainwashed is more like it. When you're bombarded, day after day after day, with lies about how fat is going to kill you tomorrow unless you buy this diet or have this surgery, and that if you're fat, you must be stupid, ugly, un-sexy, smelly, gluttonous, and on and on and on with the foul descriptions, it's really difficult to have any kind of self-esteem. Makes it harder to resist the lie that if you just try this diet, this surgery, this supplement, you'll magically become thin, beautiful, smart, have a sparkling personality, and everyone will love you. That's not gullible, that's brainwashed and beaten down into the dirt so deeply that you'll do anything to attain that FOBT. But guess what? After a while, people figure out that it's all lies, that being thin isn't a magic passport to Utopia, that they can learn to love themselves as they are, and figure out how to be the best person they can be without torturing themselves to become thin. Yeah, fuck that FOBT, because the only fantasies I want are in the books I read, not ones pushed on me in real life.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Drink a milkshake and the pleasure center in your brain gets a hit of happy — unless you're overweight. It sounds counterintuitive. But scientists who watched young women savor milkshakes inside a brain scanner concluded that when the brain doesn't sense enough gratification from food, people may overeat to compensate.FAILYep, that surely has to be the reason. Food doesn't taste as good to some people, so they have to be eating more in order to enjoy it and that makes them fat (but what about thin people who gorge themselves on food on a daily basis and never gain a pound? What's the excuse for them, I want to know, dammit).

A healthy diet and plenty of exercise are the main factors in whether someone is overweight.FAILOh yeah, tell that to the fat people who eat a healthy diet and exercise on a daily basis and are still fat. Healthy diet and exercise don't do jack shit to keep you thin or make you thin if you're genetically predisposed to be fat.

But scientists have long known that genetics also play a major role in obesity — and one big culprit is thought to be dopamine, the brain chemical that's key to sensing pleasure.FAIL again.Gee, ya think? But that's not the only gene related to fat, so you can't blame it all on that one gene.

"This paper takes it one step farther," said Dr. Nora Volkow of the National Institutes of Health, a dopamine specialist who has long studied the obesity link. "It takes the gene associated with greater vulnerability for obesity and asks the question why. What is it doing to the way the brain is functioning that would make a person more vulnerable to compulsively eat food and become obese?"MASSIVE FAILThis assumes that everyone who has this gene is a compulsive eater who automatically gets fat from eating too much food. This could be true of a very small number of fat people, but it certainly is not true of all fat people.Still, it could have important implications. Volkow, who heads NIH's National Institute of Drug Abuse, notes that "dopamine is not just about pleasure." It also plays a role in conditioning — dopamine levels affect drug addiction — and the ability to control impulses.So now you're saying that fat people have no ability to control impulses, otherwise they wouldn't over-eat and they therefore wouldn't be fat? Yeah, right. As Miss Conduct said "if you think fat people have no self-discipline, consider the fact that they haven’t killed you yet."

But if doctors could determine who carries the at-risk gene, children especially could be steered toward "recreational sports or other things that give them satisfaction and pleasure and dopamine that aren't food ... and not get their brains used to having crappy food," said Stice, a clinical psychologist who has long studied obesity."Don't get your brain used to it," he said of non-nutritious food. "I would not buy Ho Hos for lunch every day because the more you eat, the more you crave." FAIL againThis is ONE gene related to being fat, what about all the other genes that are related to being fat? And I'm sorry, but forcing children to play recreational sports if they aren't interested in them is just going to make them hate the idea of any kind of exercise, which sorta kinda defeats the purpose, don't ya think? Not to mention that no amount of exercise is going to permanently make a naturally fat child thin, ain't happening, people.And as for non-nutritious food, I don't think there is such a thing. Every food out there has some nutrition to it, even if it's minimal. I also don't know anyone who eats HoHo's for lunch every damned day (boring, if you ask me, to eat the same thing every day, day in and day out). How do you get used to eating crappy food? I don't care how often you eat crappy food (and by that, I mean food that doesn't taste very good, I don't know what Stice considers crappy food), just because you eat it all the time doesn't mean you ever get used to it, or come to like it or enjoy eating it (I know I NEVER EVER got used to eating my mom's breaded tomatoes, no matter how often she forced me to eat them, nasty slimy things they were, and to this day, I refuse to eat them).So this is one fucking gene out of how many that are related to being fat? And fixing this one gene is going to end the "obesity epi-panic"? I don't think so. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Mother Nature made us a diverse species for a reason, and it's not nice to fuck with Mother Nature (she'll get you in the end if you do).

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I just found these today when I was going through some stuff that has been packed away for the last 7 or 8 years (so that tells you how long it's been since I've done any doll-making). Looking at these, I think I'm going to have to get back into my crafting. I didn't realize how much I missed making my dolls until I found these pictures.I made this doll for the daughter of one of the women I worked with back in 1999 or 2000, I think. Judy wanted a doll that looked like her daughter, so I made this one for her (I also made the dress the doll is wearing).Emily was one of my first attempts at cloth doll making. I made her dress and undies out of old curtains I bought at a thrift store (and I created the pattern for her clothing myself).Christiana was a doll I made from the same pattern I used to make my RastaMan doll, but using a different fabric (I also made her clothes, and used one of the unicorn pics I had downloaded off the internet to make the iron-on transfer for her t-shirt).I made this doll for another daughter of one of the women I worked with about 8 or 9 years ago. She wanted a doll who looked like her daughter. I made this doll's clothing too (actually, if you see a doll I've made and she's dressed, I made her clothing).Angela was a doll made for bedtime snuggling, I just haven't found the little girl who wants her yet.Amelia was my second attempt at making an anatomically-correct soft-sculptured doll. I think I cut her legs out just a little off-grain on the fabric, so she's rather pigeon-toed (but she's still a cutie, and took me about 80 hours to create).Amanda is my pride and joy, she's the first anatomically-correct child doll I made (I think I had about 100 hours tied up in creating her). I dressed her in a brown dress with a brown patchwork print pinafore. I gave her to a friend's daughter (biggest fucking mistake I ever made) and when they moved from MN back to Illinois, we found Amanda floating in the filth and garbage they left in their basement. I had to throw her away, I couldn't get her clean, she was so stained and moldy. I cried over that, I felt so trashed that someone I liked thought so little of the time and effort I put into making a gift for her (that she asked for, and knew how hard I had worked on it).I wish I had pictures of the stuffed rocking horse I made, and of the African warrior princess (she was another of the anatomically correct dolls I made, dressed her in a headband and skirt, with an armband of wire and beads, a beaded anklet, a wire and beads necklace, and a spear with feathers on it). I entered her at the fair in the small town where I used to live, and won first prize with her. I entered the rocking horse at the same time (he was fluorescent lime green velour with a yellow mane and tail and dark green velour rockers, called him the Horse of a Different Colour from the Wizard of Oz). I won first prize with him too.I had a lot of fun making all those dolls, and I have more pics of other dolls I made that I'll be posting. I had thought I could get a business started, making and selling dolls, but no one wanted to pay what I thought they were worth. I ended up donating a bunch of them to the Salvation Army at Christmas time one year because I just didn't have the room to store them. The lady at Salvation Army was glad to get them, she said that it was really difficult to find dolls of color for kids, dolls that could be played with and weren't meant for display only. And I had a blast trying to figure out how to get the eyes and mouths and noses to show up on the dolls of color that I made (I wasn't always successful, some of them looked good in person but just didn't photograph well, that was disappointing, to say the least).

Sunday, October 12, 2008

A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.

Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.

Well, the first description I'm not so sure of, but the second? Yeah, that just about sums up how I feel about life and people in general.

This is a letter I read today from someone who had WLS and is considered a success, mainly because she lost weight and has managed to keep it off, so far. What the doctors don't tell you is how all of those physical complications of WLS will affect all the other areas of your life.I was fairly lucky with my WLS, even though it failed and I gained back all the weight I lost and then some. The only complications I have from it are IBS, fibromyalgia, and veinous insufficiency. I can deal with those, they don't keep me from doing the things I want to do (well, the IBS means I have to be sure that I'm very close to a bathroom within 1/2 hour of eating). I wear compression stocking to deal with the swelling in my legs, and the fibro, well, I deal with the pain and being tired and sensitive skin as best I can. I can still cuddle with DH, eat meals at the dinner table, spend time on the computer or reading books or watching tv, I can ride my recumbent exercise bike, and if I feel like it, I can even ride my son's ATV. I play with the cats and the grandkids and their puppy. My life is only limited by what I want to do and the amount of energy I have to do it.The following letter will give you an idea of what life is like for someone who has had more complications from her WLS. It's not a pretty picture, not at all what the doctors will tell you your life will be like after WLS, but it's more common than you think. I'm posting this with her permission, but she wants to remain anonymous, she's not up to dealing with more people telling her that this is all her fault, she must have done something wrong for her WLS to have turned out this way (which is such a crock of shit, I can't even begin to tell you how wrong-headed that idea is). WLS complications don't only affect the person who had the WLS, those complications also affect every other person involved with them. Why can't I be a "normal" woman with a "normal" body and with "normal"worries and daily routines? I know some WLS post-ops say they would kill tobe in my shoes. After all, in most people's eyes, I am a major success,especially in the WLS realm. I lost all the weight I needed to and am nothaving trouble maintaining it. My labs all come back great. For most people,that is all they want to hear. That makes me a success. They don't want toknow how many surgeries I have had total now, how many emergency trips tothe hospital, how many ambulance rides being transferred from one medicalfacility to another, how many unplanned stays I have had in the hospitalwhere I don't even have the luxury of being able to suck on ice chips. Theydon't want to hear about the anxiety created by never knowing if I will behere when my kids get out of school, be here for them when they are older,survive the latest "emergency" that rips a hole into their daily lives. Theyjust don't want to know.

I guess it isn't important that they don't want to know. You probably wouldrather not know about all the complications either, as that would mean thatyou hadn't experienced them first hand and would be able to continue toblindly cheer others into having WLS. You wouldn't know the worry and strainyour choices have put on the lives of others. You wouldn't know the dailystruggles that come along with ongoing or potential onsets of complications.You wouldn't know about the loss of dreams for your future. You wouldn'tknow. but you do. Sorry about that.

Tonight, it is the loss of dreams that is weighing me down. I know I shouldbe happy. I have been out of the hospital for over two years now. My weightis stable and is up far enough not to be a danger to my health. My labs aregood. I am able to run my own home-based business. My family has relaxed abit when it comes to worrying about my health. What more could I ask for yousay?

I have worked so hard to regain my health. It has taken years, literally, toget to where I am. Some days, I can even forget that I had the surgery andcan function pretty much as a "normal" person would. That is where I runinto problems. To regain my health, I have had to give up many activitiesthat I love. I have had to give up any activities that would run past about6 pm in the evenings. I have had to give up eating upright at the tablesurrounded by my family, but instead recline in a chair in the living room.I have had to give up many of my more physical pastimes as my intestinesreact badly to too much movement. I have had to give up lifting anythingover 15 pounds or any repetitive movement that involves any movement of mycore body. I have had to give up sleeping flat next to my husband, butinstead have to sleep on a wedge to better help my intestines to functionand deflate. I have had to give up so much. but the good news is that it hasworked for the most part.

The bad news is that sometimes I forget the consequences or the reasons whyI had to give something up. Though my head remembers, the emotions tug. Ibegin to feel healthy enough to where I "forget" why I do or don't do thethings I do. It seems like my mind and heart begin playing tricks on me,goading me into cheating just a bit. Why not just take a class for a couplehours one night a week? After all, I would have all week to catch up andrejuvenate and I would be home by 9 pm. Why not get rid of the wedge and tryand sleep flat for a while? It sure would be nice to cuddle with my husbandat night again. Man I love to garden. What harm could it do if I just takeit easy while cleaning out the flower beds. After all, I won't pull anythingout but will just clip things off. Why not increase my business? After all,it is going so well and I used to do so much more.

Right now, I am dealing with the consequences of ignoring the "should dos"and instead convinced myself and family that I was "healthy enough" toincrease my activity. I am kicking myself now for committing to taking a twohour course on Thursday nights. Don't get me wrong; I love the class. Mybody does not. I am only four weeks into the class. It only meets one nightper week. Being upright in the evening for that period of time has taken ahuge toll on my health. Though I felt strong and healthy before the classbegan, my intestines are so upset after the one "longer day" each week, thatthey swell, spasm, and bleed. I bleed more out my rectum when my intestinesare "upset" than I do for my periods. I finally think I have almostrecovered when the next class comes up the following week and my intestinesrepeat the process. Right now, I am kicking myself for signing up, forwanting so badly to be able to complete the course, for kidding myself intobelieving that I could have a "normal" life with regular evening activities.Thankfully, the class only lasts for two more weeks. I won't be able to gothe last week anyway because of parent/teacher conferences (which will setmy intestines off anyway as I will still be upright and out during theevening hours). Thankfully, this time at least I convinced myself withsomething that I will be able to get out of in a short period of time andonly made one change. That is probably the reason I am not in for yetanother emergency surgery and hospitalization. Yet, I am so angry andfrustrated. I am giving up so much!

Because of my body:

. I will never be able to finish my master's degree and teach at apublic school (a lifetime dream of mine)

. I will never be able to help with the church youth group in theevenings (something I used to do)

. I will never be able to commit to teaching a regular class atchurch (it adds enough activity to set off the intestines and I also have tomajorly cut back on the weekends when my intestines have been irritatedduring the week)

. I will never be able to have my Girl Scout troop meet in theevenings or go to the big GS activities that most often are scheduled forweeknights

. I won't be able to add onto my family (I don't have the health andenergy for more than I have now)

. I will never be able to participate in sporting activities with mykids and often will miss their evening activities

. My kids will never know what it is like to have a mother who can bespontaneous or that they don't have to worry about the long termconsequences of any unusual request or activity

. I will never be able to be very far away (distance) fromappropriate medical services that may be needed

Because of my body:

. I will always have to plan ahead for potential complications

. I will always need a contingency plan for any activity/work as Imay have less than an hour warning before facing emergencysurgery/hospitalization

. I will always need to make sure that my affairs are in order, as Imay not get a chance to do them later

. I will always have to be very aware of what my body is trying totell me, even when it usually doesn't begin to complain until a couple hoursafter stopping any given activity

. I may never be able to commit 100% to any given activity, even if Iam supposedly leading the activity for a group.

. I may never be healthy enough to regain all the activities I usedto do

Because of all that, tonight I am grieving for what I have lost. I overdidit again. Though I went to class last night and was already bleeding againby the end of class, I worked today. bleeding throughout the day. Because Ihad "committed" to going to Women of Faith tonight and had other people'splans hinging on mine, I went, knowing that I was passing blood clots(stupid, I know). Yet, I am so frustrated that I couldn't sit and enjoy itlike thousands of other women because I was too aware of my swelling, of thebleeding, of my internal discomfort. I ended up coming home early and willend up missing the morning portion tomorrow as I consciously allow my body achance to at least stop spiraling. Oh yeah, my church is also hoping that Iwill be feeling well enough after WoF tomorrow to where I can help duringthe Saturday service tomorrow evening and I have friends who want to try outour church for the first time tomorrow evening as well. I really should bethere. I really should take care of my body. If I am such a success, why amI having to give up so much of my life???

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I really hate to do this, but anonymous comments are no longer allowed on this blog. If you're a troll, and too cowardly to leave your name/internet nick, then you have no business commenting here. I'm getting really tired of the bullshit from you asshats, telling me I can no longer blog, or comment on other blogs until I lose weight, that I need to eat less and exercise more, get rid of my van and jog everywhere I go, that there are certain foods I cannot eat, blah blah blah-de-blah. How I live my life is none of your fucking business and if you don't like it, tough goddamned shit. This is the last post I'm going to devote to the asshattery of trolls, just to remind all y'all trolls that your opinions are just that, your opinions. I don't know you, I don't want to know you, and you have absolutely nothing to do with my life. I will no longer deal with this shit in any way, shape, or form. If you decide to register so you can comment, I still will not deal with it, I will continue to delete troll comments after reading them and laughing at you for wasting your time on someone who doesn't give a rat's ass about you, whoever you are (you really have too much time on your hands if you have the time to read my blog, and read all the other blogs I read and comment on, just to come back here and try to give me a hard time about it).I will continue to blog, I will continue to comment on other blogs when I feel like it, and I will continue to live my life as I see fit, including where I eat, what I eat, how much and what kind of exercise I do. If you don't like it, too bad, so sad, sucks to be you. And yes, I am a bitch, and proud of it, I worked fucking hard to earn that title.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Well, this was a fantastic weekend away from home. DH and I went to see my son and his wife again. Jon took us out to dinner at a new Mexican restaurant, and the food was awesome. We had pollo loco, the servings were huge (I took half of mine home), the service was spectacular, and the prices were great. We'll definitely be eating there the next time we're down there (Jon said it had only been open a couple of months, but let me tell you, they were doing a booming business). That was Friday night. Then on Saturday, DH and Jon went 4-wheeling on the ATVs for 4 hours. When they got home, the first thing DH said was "We have got to get a 4-wheeler!" He had a blast going over trees, through bogs, getting mired in the mud and winching out of it. He said they went through one stand of tall weeds and stopped for a break right afterward and Jon had a little mouse on the front of his Grizzly. Had to take a stick and chase it off, it didn't want to leave (cracked me up, because Jon takes their puppy, Max, riding with him around their yard on the Grizzly). DH went down in the basement with Jon to help him build a workbench while Jon's wife, Tina, made dinner for us, then we sat around talking and watching movies on TV for a while. Went back to the motel to get some shuteye so we could get up early to go back out to Jon's, had to collect the money from Tina's brother for the snowmobile (DH sold his snowmobile to Tina's brother and Jon for all the kids to ride, so they split the cost of it). That money is going in savings for the down payment on the Yamaha 550 Grizzly DH is looking at (power steering, 4 WD, auto transmission). He wants the camo paint job (won't show scratches from riding through the brush), winch, plow (so he can snowplow the driveway instead of snowblowing it), and the extended warranty. Told him it sounds like a plan to me (when it's paid for, I may just have to get one too, Tina rides with Jon every once in a while, looks like fun to me). So we did all that, and then stopped in Rogers on the way home to have lunch at Denny's (another good place to eat with fantastic service).Got home, and this time, both of the cats met us at the door. I don't know if it was because they missed us, or because they were almost out of water (we left their auto-waterer full and another half-gallon of water in a bowl). I think it was probably a bit of both, since as soon as we got everything unpacked and put away and their waterer filled, and the cat boxes cleaned, DH sat in his recliner and both cats were right there in his lap (after drinking fresh water and using the clean cat box, of course).Didn't get to go swimming this time, I was helping DH move the trailer (it had a flat and he had to move it onto the driveway so he could change it) and I bumped my leg on it and tore a small section of skin off it (I have veinous insufficiency and my lower legs swell a lot, even though I wear compression stockings, and the skin there is really thin and tears easily). That was on Tuesday, and it still hasn't scabbed over, and is weeping clear fluid, so I thought it wouldn't be a good idea to go swimming. Have to call the doctor tomorrow and see if I can get in to see her and see what she thinks we should do to get this to heal. Usually, when this kind of thing happens, it heals pretty quickly, but not this time, for some reason (maybe it's deeper than I think it is, I don't know).But all in all, a good time was had by all, and we're looking forward to the next time we can go down there. Hope everyone had as good a weekend as we did. :)

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This is MY blog and I reserve the right to not post any comment that is libelous/slanderous to anyone. If you want to be a troll and be nasty about fat acceptance, start your own blog and spew your vile hatred there. If you want to be reasonable and choose to post with respect and civility, I'm willing to debate with you. If all you want to do is promote stereotypes/lies, fuggedaboutit.ETA: To the troll who thinks it's funny to follow me around to the blogs which I read and on which I comment and harass those bloggers (troll ISP is 70.242.65.196), just because a blog is in my blogroll doesn't mean I comment there. All it means is that I read that blog and may or may not comment. Get a life, sad sack.