ICE ICE Baby

Yet another trip into Walmart to complete my day. I swear we should have bought stock in that store when it opened! It doesn’t matter if I have a list…. and I remembered to bring my list…. and I buy EVERYTHING on my list…. I still need to go back to Walmart later that same day for SOMETHING still in the dang store. It’s true. The store sucks me in. Every time. Like a fly to flypaper. Why do they have so many stinkin things that I think I need? Or the kids need? Or my husband needs? Or the dogs need? Good gravy.

It was a non-list-quick-trip that hardly called for a cart. But then, it was 12:30 p.m., and we all know what that means. The rotisserie lemon-pepper chickens that came out of the slow cooker at 8:45 a.m. are now HALF PRICE! “Go get us a cart, son.” Glory be. There were five plump birds with my name all over them. I always hate it when someone comes and stands in line behind me when I’m filling up the entire bottom of the cart with scrumptiously delicious smelling game hens with $2.98 stickers on them. No, I won’t share. I have four children, a husband and two dogs, for Pete’s sake. And I don’t have to cook the birds. Hello! We live in Phoenix. Not turning on the oven is a prime idea for eight months of the year. I never make eye contact with other shoppers when I’ve hit the poultry prize.

With the cart full of discounted dinner, we grabbed the few other things that I really came in Walmart for…. fish for fish tacos, avocados for fish tacos, cabbage for fish tacos and cilantro for fish tacos. I was drooling simply thinking about lunch! Then, lo and behold, the ICE drinks were in a HUGE display right at the front of the store… sucking me in again. Pink grapefruit ICE drink will be served in heaven, people. I prefer to purchase this pop at Costco in a case, but we weren’t in Costco with the cases. We grabbed 12 of the skinny bottles (that are ridiculously easy to knock over) and headed for the cashier.

The clouds parted, the skies opened, and we had less than 20 items for the express lane! (Because 12 ICE drinks are ONE item….. ICE drinks. Thankyouverymuch!) While we patiently waited for the kind elderly lady to scan our groceries, my extremely helpful son was unloading the cart onto the non-conveyor belt counter….. the cart of skinny, easy to knock over bottles of ICE. Yes, you guessed it, one went down. And it didn’t go down pretty. It went down with a BOOM and a pressurized fountain and a shriek or two and then a shower for my three family members and an elderly cashier. The front of my dress was soaked …. soaked through to my bra. ICE ran down my arms and legs. It was splashed on my head and face. My purse was dripping, as well as my daughter, son and the not-so-kind-anymore cashier. The walls of the lane on both sides were drenched. The floor was a lake of grapefruit. All the groceries on the non-conveyor belt were wet. I still can’t believe how one little bottle of juice did that much damage.

The poor cashier did not see the humor in the situation as I have learned to see over the years of having four children and ridiculously embarrassing messes happen in my presence because of my four children. We mopped up as much as we could, but our lane was shut down, blocked off with a cart and paper towel was spread far and wide. When we were finally done paying and dripping, I remarked to the little old lady, “Well, I hope your day goes better from here on out!” Haha…. Not so. She snapped back, “It BETTER!” Made me chuckle. Maybe she had a big date after her shift????