Many years ago I had a man named Mark (not his real name) join one of my smoking clinics. Mark came to me on the first day of the clinic and told me how he had recently added an addition on to his house and one of the rooms he added was a home office. Mark lived in a suburb about 20 miles from his office in downtown Chicago. Mark had the luxury that he didn't really need to go to his downtown office much and could do most of his work from home. He was nervous though because his home office was more than just his office--it was also his smoking sanctuary. Mark had small kids who were allergic to smoke and his wife didn't want Mark smoking around the kids. Since the kids were never allowed in the office anyway, Mark agreed only to smoke in that one room of the house. The office had in essence become his smoking room. He had only had the home office a short period of time now but the relationship seemed deeply ingrained.

When Mark was telling me about the new home office smoking room he confided in me that he was really scared to go into the room for he was sure it would be too powerful of a trigger and cause him to smoke. I told him he should go into the room quickly to overcome the fear but he said he just wanted to give it a few days before he attempted it. I figured I would let it go, thinking it would actually be good for Mark to get the additional experiences of driving to the city and working with other people proving to himself that he could deal with the outside world and still maintain his quit.

Mark never brought up the home office smoking room again during the clinic and I had basically forgotten about it too. Mark completed the clinic and sounded great at graduation. I figured he was on his way to a complete smoke free life.

A couple of months after the clinic was over I was following up Mark's group on a Saturday morning. Actually I had talked to him numerous times over the two month period but this conversation took an interesting twist. While on the phone Mark had said something about his office downtown and for the first time since I met Mark I remembered his concerns about his home office. I asked him if he was still going downtown much or mostly working out of his home office now. All of a sudden there was an awkward silence on the phone. Mark kind of hemmed and hawed for a while and said, "Well, this is kind of embarrassing to admit be I actually haven't gone into the home office yet."

I quickly said, "Mark, are you telling me that you have been driving 20 miles to and from work every day for two months because you are afraid that if you go into your home office you are going to smoke." He said yes, but it was worth it. He loved not smoking. Not smoking was great. So while driving 40 miles a day was a tad inconvenient, it was worth the effort since it was helping him to save his life.

I agreed it would be worth driving 40 miles every day if it were necessary in order to sustain a quit and thus saving his health and his life. The problem was that it was not necessary--Mark could work in his home office and just not smoke. To that Mark replied that the association was just too strong and his quit was just to valuable.

I asked Mark if he had a phone in the room in question to which he replied, "Of course I have a phone, it's my office." I said, "Mark, I want you to go into that room and call me back at this number." Now it took some real effort for me to persuade Mark to go into the room and to call me back. He was scared for he was totally convinced that being in that room was going to undercut his quit but Mark eventually goes into his office and places the call.

So I start a conversation of small talk with Mark, making a point of checking the clock at the beginning of the call. I knew some of Mark's family members and friends, and I started asking him questions about these people and making a real concerted effort of never broaching the topic of smoking once. Now I know most of you reader here have only gotten to know me from my writings and have never seen me live and talking but I can assure you that if you talk to any of my family members or friends, or especially to my clinic graduates, they will all attest that I can talk for hours on end even though I have nothing really important to say. I purposely engaged Mark into a half hour conversation consisting of absolutely nothing important--just small talk.

A half an hour into the conversation of small talk I abruptly blurted out, "Hey Mark, you have been in your home office now for 30 minutes. Have you thought about a cigarette once." Mark started laughing. He realized what I had done, getting him into the room and talking his ear off just to show him that he could be in the room and on the phone and not need to smoke. I think Mark instantly realized that his fears were unfounded.

I saw Mark last year, for the first time in probably fifteen or twenty years. He had now been smoke free for over a quarter of a century. We didn't really talk about smoking issues much either. It was no longer an issue in Mark's life. I just did my obligatory warning about never getting overly complacent, pointing out to him that over the past four years I had two people who were once 35 year ex-smokers who lost their quits. He was still well aware of what we taught in the clinic and was still totally committed to never take another puff.

As most people who read here have probably noticed, they have started saving lots of money since they have quit smoking. I suspect Mark had also saved a small fortune. This may not have been the case if we had not had our little conversation that Saturday morning. For if we had not talked that day Mark may have been driving an extra 200 miles a week, plus paying for parking for a quarter of a century. I don't even want to try to do the math of what these additional expenses would have cost. The fact is that they would have been totally unnecessary. When a person goes 25 years smoke free he proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything he was able to do as a smoker he can now do as an ex-smoker. This is a crucial lesson for all to learn.

Putting off facing certain activities triggers will likely prolong the stress, anxieties and fears that you will not be able to overcome the specific situation without relapse. All people who quit must realize that all you did as a smoker you can do as an ex-smoker too. All it takes is proving it to yourself one situation at a time. You can continue to live your life and get through all events with your quit intact as long as you always remember to stick with your personal commitment to never take another puff!

Joel

Edited August 13, 2012 to add following related video:

Last edited by Joel on August 13th, 2012, 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi Joel...I want to thank you for bring this thread up...Like I have said to newbies...You and the other managers have brought up things dealing with our addiction just at the right time...I will have been quit 3 months tomorrow...My husband and I are going on vacation in a few weeks...To Puerto Rico...we go there every few years ...sometimes every year for a few weeks..You see, my husband is originally from PR...so when we got married in the early 70's we bought a time share on the water...right nest to the El San Juan Hotel and casino...I have never been there as a non-smoker...I used to spend hours at the beach or pool with a book and smoke...and then spend hours at the casino at night doing the same...Since this is the first time I am going as an ex-smoker it scares me to death that the trigger will be overwheming or I will be miserable trying to fight cravings all the time ..To read this thread, although I am still fearful, I'm hoping that my fears will be unfounded...Thanks for the thread...now I can relax knowing that my fears are probably alot worse than any trriggers that may occur.

If anyone has any suggestions of any particular articles I should print and take...Please let me know!!

One of the things I am most proud of is that I confronted all of my triggers head on.

Of course, I do have a very confrontational personality.

And believe you me, EVERYTHING was a trigger.

I think the coffee & driving triggers were the hardest to deal w/, but they were also the first to be eliminated. Everything else was pretty easy from there.

Chevet' - Free and Healing for Nine Months, Twelve Days, 16 Hours and 36 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 79 Days and 15 Hours, by avoiding the use of 5734 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $1,523.01.

Thanks Joel, your post took the anxiety I was having about posting a concern I have. Something inside said, "you shouldn't have to ask that!" But, I would like to hear from you and from any FREE folks if they have experienced a successful solution to my question below. Tonight, I was talking to my Mom. She is 83 years old. When she was 39, she quit a 2 pack a day habit and has never gone back! She is a GREAT support for me. She asked how I was doing. I am doing GREAT! Gosh, I LOVE BEING FREE !! She heard a "but", though. She encouraged me to post the question out here because she is SURE that there are others who experience the SAME sticky point!

I do still have a couple of "sticky" points. I can "live life" without nicotine and there is one sticky point for which I have not come up with a real solution. It is when I arrive home from work. That smoke somehow marked the end of my workday and the beginning for my "own time". It doesn't matter when I get home. I could be do many errands and get home late. There is still a sticky point. I live alone, so it is me, myself and I here. I have very few (compared to even a couple of months ago) cravings, I can "do life" pretty darn well! I can be home, off work or whatever, and be busy and OK. This arriving home time (30 minutes or so) is still a stickler. I have tried a diet coke. I have tried a low fat food snack but that is not a good solution for me. Replacing any of my smoking with food makes me gain weight and that makes me very unhappy.

I would love to hear from my FREEDOM family on this!

Thanks everyone. Katie

Katie - After 40 Years! Free and Healing for Seven Months, Eighteen Days, 11 Hours and 41 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 13 Days and 15 Hours, by avoiding the use of 3935 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $794.59.

Wow Katie! Great and honest post. I suppose we all have had (or have) a particularly tough trigger area to overcome. Yours seems to be the "end of the work day, time to have a nice rewarding smoke without any time/space restrictions" kind of trigger. I had that same smoke many, many times at the end of work, getting off the employee bus, walking through the employee parking lot to my car, firing up that end of the work day smoke. It was one of those "ahhhhh" smokes, one of the few times during the day where smoking was actually "pleasurable" more or less.

The funny thing is, for me anyway, that particular smoke was really never missed by me. Like I said, we all have "favorite" trigger smokes to overcome. There's always good and bad things to every scenario. Since you live alone, you don't have anyone to encourage you and congratulate you on your magnificent quit as you arrive home (that's bad) but also since you live alone you don't have anyone harassing you on being late and wondering where you were and telling you about financial problems, physical problems, emotional problems, etc. to add to your stress levels (that's good, I guess).

The bottom line I suppose is to recognize you are going to have those triggers. Advice? Well, I'd start by congratulating myself on a most awesome 7 month quit. Then, I'd go out for a walk. I'd try to wrap my mind around the concept that I'm not "giving up" something but I'm getting rid of a horrible thing. I'd read here some more. I'd read Nicotine addiction 101 and Some new findings on nicotine addiction to understand my addiction better. I'd be very proud of myself for my quit so far and be patient for that final push to comfort. I wouldn't worry about trying to replace that "aaahhh" feeling. I'd just be glad that I had the education I needed to help me NTAP. Enjoy your freedom, revel in it! Good luck to you Katie. Steve 1 year, 23 days.

Last edited by ZZRSteve GOLD on October 31st, 2012, 9:10 pm, edited 3 times in total.

It's me. That is, she is me, the one who knows what you are sticky about! I too live alone. I too had the end-of-day smoke to switch out of business mode. It was a biggie ~HUGE~ because I "trained" myself to last all afternoon without a cigarette! So as you know by now, that means that I spent every business day afternoon for several years doing into withdrawal. (Yeeha! Those days are over!) I thought I would never pass that time of day without thinking about a smoke. How wrong I was. It might have been one of the stickiest, but it did indeed go away. Now, I have no idea exactly what I do at that precise moment in my day because I replaced it with nothing. You'll have to exercise a little more faith that like all the others you conquered, this trigger is the same, just stickier. (Excellent way to express it, by the way.)

Plan B until it un-sticks? If it really is driving you around the bend, I recommend brushing your teeth slowly and thoroughly, or drinking a tall glass of water with real lemon -- both are really good for you and very unlikely to become crutches.

Keep up that great quit, Katie! I know I'll be reading sooner or later that you don't remember the last time you were bugged by that sticky trigger.

Steve gave you great answer. I agree, certain combinations of circumstance, location, time of day, etc. will still trigger a thought of smoking. I also smoked for 40 years, roughly 80% of my living breathing life. When I say "Triggers, I've got a Million of 'Em - Ha cha cha cha (hear Jimmy Durante)" I'm being humorous but I'm also not kidding. You also have a lot of nicotine feeding cues to recondition and reprogram. You can do it, no trigger can withstand honest inspection and introspection.
Introspection was hinted at my Steve as well when he rightly said to change giving up thinking to getting rid something undesirable belief. Here is another mindset observation that I hope will help you get past your 'sticking point' I'm in my personal space comfort zone 'habit' trigger. You mention you Mom overcame a 2 pack a day 'habit' 44 years ago. Nether your Mom or you have overcome a HABIT. We are addicts in recovery. We fed our addiction lots when it was convenient and denied ourselves a dose when it was not convenient or allowed, even to the point of withdrawal. You smoked as soon as you got home because you were able to without restriction and desired to raise your nicotine blood serum level to as high a level as you could tolerate. When you take the behavior apart more precisely for yourself you will gain control over yet another facet of why you did what you did in your former life as an addict.
Katie, I often tell myself when a trigger surfaces,"yeah I know I always smoked here / now - but I Don't HAVE TO any more. I'm Free cause Nicotine is no longer in me. And you are too.

Sorry for the long-winded response. Hope I helped.

joejFree for 145 days cause I broke the Cycle of Addiction and got the nicotine out of me so I could become 'just me'. It's why I choose to NTAP!

Last edited by JoeJFree Gold on October 31st, 2012, 9:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think your Mom is a very wise woman. How else would you get an answer if you didn't post it?

The others have given you great food for thought already. I was just thinking of Recognizing needs and I want "something"... there will be something else that you really want when you come back home from work ... it is just a matter of finding out what it might be!

You are doing great. Wishing you another good nicotine free day!

Gitte
192 days and a bit

Last edited by Starshinegrl Gold on October 31st, 2012, 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you all so much for the gift of your wisdom. I read these on Morning. I had an "epiphany" as I got ready for work. Steve, you said,"I wouldn't worry about trying to replace that "aaahhh" feeling" And Kay, you said "I replaced it with nothing." So, the thought came to my mind, "don't replace it with anything!" Wow, I knew that somewhere in my heart. This particular sticky point, though, I had "replaced" it with some"thing". SO! Monday, when I came home from work, I changed my routine. Without going into boring details, it worked beautifully. I did not feel any pressure, I felt "free". I have been so busy the rest of the week, I did not have to do that "changed" routine again yet. But, now I have it in my "tool kit" !

Joe, you said,"You can do it, no trigger can withstand honest inspection and introspection." Man, that is one beautiful statement! It is beautiful because it is so peacefully true. All thoughts of the "past", viewed through the truth, are so easy to "put on" with all this education and knowledge.

Gitte, you said, "there will be something else that you really want when you come back home from work ... it is just a matter of finding out what it might be! " Wow, I am tucking this away in my heart. I KNOW I will find that place, I know it!

Thanks for the support, the links, the wisdom. Wow, am I glad to be free. I will remember, not one puff! NTAP!

Ive been avoiding this trigger which is sitting at my pc to write an assignment. Ive split the time i sit and go for walks and such like . Have coffee breaks tea breaks. Its been over two weeks ive quit. I know i will never take another puff. Its not a particulary interesting assignment and i would have procrastinated in the past with cigarette smoking. Hence the avoidance of actualy sitting to get it done. I need to now coz its due for monday. I will keep this site open for reading matter and positive enforcement

I have been quit for 2 Weeks, 2 Days, 16 hours, 52 minutes and 33 seconds (16 days). I have saved £69.31 by not smoking 334 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 3 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 08/03/2006 00:00
Cathy

Thank U Joel, Than U Freedom for such wise words. As a matter of fact I almost relapsed after having ran away from a trigger when I finally encountered it involuntarily. It is the big lesson of my quit: it's forbidden to avoid triggers forever, not even a single one. Just have to remember to Never Tave Another Puff whatever trigger is.

fernanda

Last edited by Almost Island Gold on April 10th, 2009, 12:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I have renamed my "triggers" and call even the possibility a "victory" because I can foresee, forwarn and move forward. Life is there to enjoy, not avoid. When I was thinking "trigger" it seemed harder, maybe like the word "diet"? Just a thought.Lianne

I was inundated by triggers within my first 72 hours of not smoking. I was brought to the point of tears. Looking back now and knowing I made it through that gives me the strength to take anything on in life. I am so proud!

I just made an audio version of this story. It is at http://www.whyquit.com/videos/homesmokingoffice.wmv.
As in the case of the audio tape I made yesterday regarding "I can't quit" ... or ... "I won't quit"? being in an audio format allows me to add a little more detail than I use in the written letter. Of course, it also makes them harder to edit.
While recording this sequence, I ended up using the real name of the person three times, when I was making a concerted effort to use the name Mark. I am getting faster at editing out these kind of errors.
John pointed out that there were discrepencies in my last audio tape as compared to the letters. The letters were written to be as concise as possible. I am not particularly skilled at speaking as concise as possible. I am adding in additional details in the audio and video segments that may have been cut from the written version of these stories.
The main discrepency in this story is the distance Mark had to travel. In my letter on the topic here I said 20 miles each way. The suburb involved is pretty wide, and I think that driving distance to downtown Chicago from the East end of that suburb would be around 15 miles and the West end would be 20 miles. Come to think of it, downtown Chicago is pretty big too so there may be even a little more variation in distance. Mark never said how far he was driving, I was just estimating it from the general suburb distance that I knew he lived in.
The audio version here is just a little over 10 minutes. I am hoping that people who have not been viewing the videos because of slow internet connections may find this version of media more usable. I would have been doing audio from the beginning but just couldn't figure out how. I made some technological leaps over the past few days giving me more flexibility in this kind of media production.
I hope all of these new tools become valuable resources in helping people to make and stick to a personal commitment to never take another puff.
Joel

Last edited by Joel on April 10th, 2009, 12:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wouldn't it be safe to say avoiding triggers in the beginning of a quit is wise but to continue to do so is harmful? I am still in the mindset of avoiding situations I know could be hard for me but understand the need to put myself directly in the face of them in the future, in order to move past my fear.
What is a reasonable amount of time before I nned to come out of hiding? I'm sure it varies for each person and situation.
Di
I have been quit for 1 Week, 2 Days, 14 hours, 31 minutes and 9 seconds (9 days). I have saved $34.57 by not smoking 144 cigarettes. I have saved 12 hours of my life. My Quit Date: 11/20/2006 12:00 AM

"Wouldn't it be safe to say avoiding triggers in the beginning of a quit is wise but to continue to do so is harmful?"
I don't think that is a safe assumption. I think the sooner people face their biggest fears the sooner they prove to themselves that the fears are unwarranted. As far as for avoiding triggers, the only way to do this is to get yourself locked up while you are quitting smoking. Here is a string that addresses my thoughts on this topic: Being locked-up to quit smoking
This one also touches on this issue of avoiding triggers or problems when quitting: "I will quit when ..."

Last edited by Joel on April 10th, 2009, 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I saw a post from a new member who got through her first drinking situations smoke free. I just popped up the post Can people quit smoking and still drink alcohol? which discusses how people who are social drinkers are able to carry on that aspect of their lives after they quit smoking. I always try to make it clear though that there needs to be a clear distinction between social drinkers and people who may be alcoholic which is why I kicked up that post.For the truly social drinker though, the sooner he or she overcomes his or her first drinking situation, the sooner he or she will get over the fear of being able to have a drink without smokingAs it says above:
I think the sooner people face their biggest fears the sooner they prove to themselves that the fears are unwarranted. As far as for avoiding triggers, the only way to do this is to get yourself locked up while you are quitting smoking. Here is a string that addresses my thoughts on this topic: Being locked-up to quit smoking
This one also touches on this issue of avoiding triggers or problems when quitting: "I will quit when ..."

Last edited by Joel on April 10th, 2009, 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Truly social drinkers can still drink alcohol without risk of smoking relapse--but being mentally prepared can be crucially important for them. They must go into ALL drinking situations reminding themselves that they are recovering nicotine addicts and that they are going to be recovering nicotine addicts for the rest of their lives.

While that may not sound great in concept--being a recovering nicotine addict--it sure beats being an actively using nicotine addict, hands down. For over time, being a recovering nicotine addict has no real signs or symptoms and no real adverse health or even social effects associated with it. Being an active user would actively be destroying tissue with every puff, depositing cancer-producing chemicals with every puff, assaulting your heart and circulatory system with every puff, costing you money with every puff, and making you reek with every puff.

It is important for these people to know that know that everything that they could do as smokers, they can also do as ex-smokers. They just have to teach themselves how. There are some things that new quitters are forced to learn early on like how to eat, sleep, use the washroom, breathe, etc. These are things that are required from day one for survival. So even though they may resist doing one of them, they can't resist for long and will thereby be forced to start to break the association to smoking early on.

Other things are sometimes put off and seen as unimportant to face early on. Tasks like doing housework, laundry, cleaning, brushing teeth, combing hair, or maybe even going to work and doing their jobs. While it is true that people won't die if they stop doing one or more of these activities for a day or two, putting off doing them too long will create a set of problems that can be quite annoying to those around them.

Besides threatening their livelihood and making them look like slobs in general, if carried on too long, it can really start to make them feel intimidated that they may never again be able to do these activities. Again, it must be repeated, everything a person did as a smoker they can also do as an ex-smoker--but they have to teach themselves how.

Now when it comes to areas of less importance like watching television, sports, playing cards, being a couch potato, and yes, even drinking with friends--things that are not necessary for survival and in fact, things that may not even be good for a person--well, the truth is people can do these things too as ex-smokers.

The same process is necessary though. They have to teach themselves how. Holding off too long can create a sense of intimidation, the feeling that they can never do the specific activity again. This simply is not the case. They will be able to get themselves back to their pre-quitting existence if they choose to.

Drinking is a special case because the association is so strong and by its very nature lowers their inhibitions. It can cause people to do some very irrational behaviors. Smoking can be one of them. Because of the drug's influence, it is best that people take it on gradually, in the beginning in a safe environment.

These people should probably limit themselves to one drink the first time out just to show themselves that they can have a drink without smoking. Also, they should do it with people who are non-smokers and who really are supportive of their quitting. This is a much safer situation in the beginning than going out with drinking buddies who smoke cigarettes and who may be a tad envious of their quitting, and who, while drinking themselves also have their inhibitions lowered. It may manifest in behaviors of encouragement of smoking at a time when the person is more vulnerable.

Soon ex-smokers will be able to face these environments too. Again it is best that they do it gradually, breaking some of the association and intimidation factors in the safer controlled environments. The fact is, though, for the rest of their lives they will need to keep their guard up, in a sense reminding themselves of their reasons for having quit and the importance to stay off smoking, every time before they go drinking. It prepares them to face the situation in a much safer state of readiness.

These people need to use timetables that they are comfortable with, but the sooner they take on activities like drinking the sooner that they will prove to themselves that life goes on without smoking.

"Wouldn't it be safe to say avoiding triggers in the beginning of a quit is wise but to continue to do so is harmful?"

I don't think that is a safe assumption. I think the sooner people face their biggest fears the sooner they prove to themselves that the fears are unwarranted. As far as for avoiding triggers, the only way to do this is to get yourself locked up while you are quitting smoking. Here is a string that addresses my thoughts on this topic: