1) If pets come back from the
dead, lock your doors and windows and call Animal Control immediately.

2) If you're searching for the
source of a strange noise and find that it was "just the cat," LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY.

3) If any animals, such as Birds,
Piranha, Spiders, etc. begin to exhibit behavior that seems a bit more hostile towards
mankind than normal, immediately call in the authorities, get out of that town, and do not
try to talk to any scientist who specializes in that particular animal (ornithologists and the like):
not only will they not believe you, they will make things worse by trying to
prove you wrong.

4) If you keep
pets such as cats, dogs, hamsters, or anything cuddly, do not let them out of
your sight for so much as a second.

5) If a dog, cat, or horse begins
to behave in an erratic fashion in a particular person's presence, avoid that person at
all costs (even if it is your spouse or child).

6) If you ever hear any howling,
even if it does sound normal, DO NOT assume it is the neighbor's dog!!!

7) If you are a good dog you have
a 50-50 chance of survival. Good dogs will only die if they stand up to the monster in
defense of their master. Bite the hand that feeds you and run away!

8) If you are a bad dog (bad
dog!), you WILL be dead by the movie's end. Therefore, kill all people you encounter,
except for your ex-master, whom you feel strangely compelled to avoid.

9) If you're a cat, just hide your
head and pray that the monsters won't eat you, the Catholic Inquisitors won't burn you as
a witch's familiar, and/or the horny teen-age guys don't throw you over the edge of a
cliff to see if you land on your feet.

10) If you're a bird,
CONGRATULATIONS! Your species will triumph and rule all in the end (or you might at least
escape your $%^& cage!).

11) If a maniac or monster or
zombie is trying to get into your house, don't decide to try and find your lost cat or
dog. Give it up, Fido and Fluffy are dead already. And, even if they
aren't, Pet Stores in safe communities abound with replacement kitties and
doggies once you've saved your own skin.

12) Never feed anything after
midnight.

13) Follow all care instruction of
strange animals to the letter.

14) If your pets, or any animal
nearby, begins acting edgy for any reason, either take the hint and leave the vicinity
with it, or run the hell away FROM it.

15) Even though wolves and/or
vicious dogs can run 5 times faster than the fastest human being, it will always
take them ten minutes to catch you when fleeing through the forest, across the
moor, or over the fields--even when you've only had a one-block, twenty seconds
head-start and fall down repeatedly. Try to make the most of this
Einsteinian Clock Paradox.