"Only you can hear me."
"The train to Nottingham will arrive in 5 minutes, which is a pity, because this is Tesco."
"Second floor... but you can't get out."
"Welcome to our school sports day, Mark'll probably get stuck in a sack, ha-bloody-ha!"
[High-pitched voice] "Can somebody come to the salami slicer please?"
[With fingers closing nose] "If anybody has found a Vicks inhaler..."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we all know there will be a bomb on the tube, but will it be today?"
"The lift doors are closing... leaving you trapped in an airless windowless coffin... hurtling downwards at a hundred miles an hour..."
"Would the parents of the child who fell into the tiger enclosure please come to lost property to collect her shoes."
"The plane is about to land in Glasgow, passengers are reminded to set their watches back 25 years."

Next round: Stupid twats that rip off Mock the Week and use the idea for their own gain :/

"Would the parents of the child who fell into the tiger enclosure please come to lost property to collect her shoes."

rofl

"Oh my god did you say you'd found a bomb? Thank goodness I'm not on the train."
"This is a goverment official. We would like to point out that we are not watching your every move Mrs. Fisher. Thank you."

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