why social media makes me apprehensive

It makes me look rather flibberty-jibbet and totally unpredictable and not dependable. ugh.

Confession? I didn’t like the ‘comparison-itis’ or the slimy, gossipy feeling I had when I clicked off social media or the lack of consistent authenticity in real-life vs. on-line life. So I deactivated. For my mental and emotional health. For protection.

So. Why try it again?

One, I am looking for community with other writers, heart-stirrers, and word-warriors. I have questions and concerns. I want to know if there are other’s who struggle with the pride and insecurity that seem to plague me and if I’m alone and how someone else worked through it. I need your stories.

Two, there’s the message within me to call hearts out to perceive their brokenness as something beautiful if placed in the hands of Jesus. And there are a lot of other word-warriors proclaiming this truth. I want to know them so we can join our voices together to proclaim truth and freedom and grace and love.

I cannot tell you how many tears I have shed over social media and really? Isn’t that absolutely stupid? It’s real and raw and pretty messy. And social media is neat and tidy and putting our best foot forward. First impressions are everything. Help?

Two years ago, the Lord broke me free from the chain of the people-approval-seeking-junkie label I have worn my entire life and since that freedom day I have been learning to live free. It’s hard. I accepted the freedom breaking on the condition that God would show me how to live without that noose wrapped around my neck because what’s the point of freedom if I’m not going to live free?

So…

Social Media. It’s stirring things long buried.

My twelve-year-old self is screaming, ‘Danger! Danger! One day you will wake up and everyone will hate you.’

My 20-year-old self is whispering, ‘If you be what they want you to be, you will be liked and accepted.’

My 30-year-old self is whispering, ‘Rejection is going to follow you all the days of your life.’

My 37-year-old self is whispering, ‘You’ve been set free. Trust God. Please him–his voice is all that matters. ‘

My current-year-old self is whispering, ‘This is stinking hard, I don’t know how to do this, I am too weak to live free.’

Which brings me to today–staring down my fears that social media is stirring:

To my twelve-year-old self I say: ‘Sweet thing, you need to forgive those girls who rejected you and abandoned your friendship because of a lie told about you. You know the truth. Jesus knows the truth and you are justified through him. Not every girl or woman is going to be like that crowd of friends.

To my 20-year-old self I say: ‘You can try to please everyone, but you will lose yourself along the way and losing yourself to people makes it really hard to lose yourself in God.’

To my 30-year-old self I say: ‘Rejection is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to define you or control you.’

To my 37-year-old self I say: ‘The brokenness and pain was worth the freedom!’

To my current-year-old self I say: ‘The Holy Spirit will give you power to live, only do not be afraid. Look to your God and listen to him. Listen for him and trust him to light the way for the next step. Be faithful and consistent in what he has given you to do.’

God is showing me how to live in the freedom that being the apple of his eye brings. It’s not without trepidation but I am trusting him to hold me close to his heart. Maybe you have voices in your head too–the kind that are tied to events in your past that affect how you make decisions in your present relationships.

Do you have fears that you wrestle with in your relationships, online or in real life? How are you overcoming them?

17 Comments

Della Pewonka
on May 19, 2016 at 11:46 am

I love reading your blog! Yes, I agree it’s hard to see some things, but that’s when I hide or block if necessary. Social media is a great way to show others what a relationship with Jesus looks like. And when you are bold enough to share your own brokenness like you do, it gives people hope because they can see that they aren’t the only one struggling. I couldn’t be prouder of you Jessica. You are letting the light of Jesus shine for all to see. Keep sharing! Love you!

I also struggle with this comparison thing, especially trying to be everything to everyone and vanilla-ifying myself in the process. It’s a hard balance. Praying for you, and for all us, as we tight-rope our way though this tricky thing of living right now.

Thank-you for your prayers for us as we navigate through the sometimes muddy waters. I love how you put ‘vanilla-ifying myself’. That is something that I find myself falling into without being aware of it until I feel all sticky and wondering why everything seems so bland. Let’s be Neapolitan and cookies and cream and tin roof sundae and as many flavors as we can be! Love the analogy, thank-you!

Oh fir the day when I can post something and NEVER look at stats (and not the hundred times like usual), or care uf anyone ever “likes” or “shares” my junk.

It there really ever going to come a day when I can click “publish” and I am not hoping somewhere down deep that it will “go viral?” I honestly do not know.
But I know this: For now, I’m willing to keep giving God a chance to become the King in this area.
Lord help! ?

Oh for the day when I can post something and NEVER look at stats (and not the hundred times like usual), or care if anyone ever “likes” or “shares” my junk.

Is there really ever going to come a day when I can click “publish” and I am not hoping somewhere down deep that it will “go viral?” I honestly do not know.
But I know this: For now, I’m willing to keep giving God a chance to become the King in this area.
Lord help! ?

Oh my…this is dead on honest and pokes me in places I don’t like to admit I have. I so get that. I have been blogging quietly for a year and felt as though the next step was jumping back into social media. I had no idea the angst it would stir, but (and this is where redemption comes) it fleshes out where I am reigning and where God wants to reign. Let’s pray for each other and keep stepping forward, trusting him with these words he gives us as we give them back to him.

Deal! 🙂
God,
It is so hard to step away from the flesh. But we really want to honor You and Your Truth by what we say and do. Help us to say only what You desire we say. Help us to be careful to trust You with the increase. Help us to trust You with the decrease too. Even if no one looks or no one “likes” may the words we write and speak accomplish Your will. Help us to rest at peace with Your plan no matter what the numbers say. Amen

Oh, Jess, this is sooo good! I’ve been thinking about it before responding. For me, the biggest danger of social media is balancing my time…facebook, reading blogs CAN be such a time waster (aarrrgh). But if I’m offline for days/weeks, I feel like I’m missing stuff and/or letting friends down by not encouraging them in their online posts. Yet, like you, I want to share my words and connect with other wordsmiths to learn from and support each other! Let’s keep the conversation going 🙂

Thanks Lynn! I love the term ‘wordsmiths’. Love it! Balancing time–physical and mental (for me, sometimes I can spend too much time thinking about Facebook and social media that I am half attentive to my family and who I am with in ‘real-time’. However, I feel like God has given me a plan or strategy for managing time on social media. I set a 30-minute timer and focus in on reading and supporting others and when the 30 minutes is up, I walk away, feeling as though my time on social media was purposed. I don’t want to be managed by social media, but to manage it. Does that make sense. So…I am wading into the waters-dealing with the internal angst while determining to be purposeful with my time. Thanks for chiming in on the conversation! I appreciate you!

I like having you around. Thanks for visiting our community blog and hanging out on facebook with us in our group. You always share kind words with everyone and I look forward to connecting with you more. I have met amazing ladies. I can’t say I have had any bad experiences with social media. It really is all about getting in the right groups and making friends with like minded people that are in the groups that I have something in common with.

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