Some of the details in this are really fantastic, like the lettering on the nail polish bottle and the idea of cranberry lips (I really love that image). However, the poem seems a little disjointed and messy. The formatting is strange - I don't know if it got screwed up somewhere, but that's throwing me off when I read this. The ideas are interesting and original, but I don't see how they mesh together. I really do love the last few lines of this, though. Keep writing! :)

emma chapter 1 . 7/9/2006

Kiley, you are amazing! I would critique further but you are such a better writer than me that I doubt my opinions are as substatial as your writing abilities.