favorite this postGoodnight Austin

Sleep well my online brethren. I am writing this post to personally say to each and every one of you: sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. I'll even get you a glass of water if you're thirsty.

I know a lot of us are alone in the world, whether it be we that find ourselves at a job in a city far far away from home, or perhaps a spouse died, or we get divorced, but for whatever reason we're alone.

So we turn to the internet and craig's list for some semblance of human contact and compassion. But instead we often run into an angry and bitter audience, anxious to point out our shortcomings and correct our grammer and speling, always ready with an answer as to why we should have voted for the other guy or why we should drive slower or sport a goatee. There is a lot of anger on here, and I just thought it would be nice to tuck you all in.

To the creeps, the foodies, the sphincter bleachers, the college guys just tryin to get a piece, the bi-curious girls and guys, the couples looking for a third to join, the third person they're looking for, the single moms and dads, the cheating moms and dads, the str8 guys, the straight guys, the emotionally available and unavailable, the girl or guy you locked eyes with at starbucks but didn't have the guts to say hi to, the weirdos wanting to buy underwear, the angry blowhards, the trannies, the bbw's, the supposedly tall dark and handsome's, and even those of you who will flame me for this, but most of all, to those of you who are feeling alone: a great big bedtime hug.