I don't have much time to type, darn it; Rowan and I are headed to my friend M.'s for our weekly childcare swap, I am going a bit earlier than usual because I need to get back to our house by 2pm to meet my MIL, who will then be taking Rowan to their house for the weekend.
This calls for some smilies:: : : :

Ahem. : Sorry, but this weekend has been LONG in coming. Rowan's so excited about it, we marked it on the calendar! So everyone is down for it. Heh.

But besides that, still a busy day for me, with the swap this morning, then dropping by here to send Rowan off with Gramma, and then back out to the nanny gig. DH and I are going out to a nice dinner tonight though. It should be a good weekend. I may not be online much.

I send all my love and good energy to Elsanne, Heather, Meesa, all my lovely MMF!

Juice~Saige came along 3 years before I was *ready* My plan was to graduate college first, but I guess someone had other plans. I am a walking example of the saying "it only takes one time of not using protection" My college plans are on hold at the moment. It kinda sucks because I had just started the honors program and everything. It turned out to be a good thing though. I'm doing what I was going to get a bachelors in, and it doesn't pay anything, so I've decided to change majors and go into surgical nursing instead.

juice: i'm laughing about the you and dh not getting along thing. : read further for more explanation.

username: Turbo is our cat. he's a black-and-white-tuxedo-cat-who-thinks-he's-a-dog-sometimes-but-is-now-getting-old. our guesstimate is that he is now 15-ish years old. we adopted him a couple of months after we moved to the portland area (from new york and pennsylvania, respectively) and the vet guessed he was about 4-5 years old at that time. he was my first "baby" but is sadly neglected much of the time now. he loves to sleep on marek's bed or our bed when marek pushes him off.

partner meeting: bill is my complement. we've known each other 13 years now, and we've been "together" for 12.5 years. we met through a mutual friend who i met via the internets and he went to college with.

DH and I met on a blind date 6 years ago today!! Have a babysitter tonight and we're going out to eat and maybe walk around the mall. HJ is invited along as he won't/can't have a bottle.

EI eval today. Qualified w/ no problem. So yay and not yay at the same time. E was such a character when they were here and kept everyone entertained. The one evaluator confirmed that she has the language skills of a 4yo! You're not kidding! She talks circles around us now---can't wait til she is 4....I'm in for it!

Heather, I commented on your blog, but again...so glad you finally are being listened to by SOMEone, and not so glad for the issues. wow.

I am not doing so well today. Just, sort of, tuckered out with all this biz. Viet is being weird, his way of dealing with it, but it surely isn't "gee, honey, bet this is kind of hard, is there anything I can do?".
I had an u/s to confirm little sac, indeed, there, implanted in uterus. No detachment whatsoever despite two doses of misowhatever it is. 5 w 5 d. Since I thought, maybe he's hangin' on because he really IS supposed to be born, I asked the m/w what the repercussions were of those two doses, she said they definitely cause defects. It could also be that it's not viable anymore but can't tell so early on. I am still decided, but wanted to know my options, you know, just in case. Just in case I want to go live off of welfare while I look for a job in the States with no partner and settle for daycare I'm not thrilled about, in a center, for my newborn baby and two others, what are their names again? I'm too stressed out, overwhelmed, and un-elsanne to remember.

SUCH A SUCKY THING TO HAVE TO DO I could just spit at Viet and his libido. Who went to the ultrasound alone? me. Who paid for it? me. Whose decision will it be whether I a) have an aspiration now, or b) wait another week for the m/w to receive more pills, and see if they work?

Who is so distracted by this situation that she missed an important work appointment today representing about $40 very important dollars? me. Who cancelled another appointment this afternoon to take on a new house because I just can't work harder than I am and also deal with this shit? me.

What is Viet doing? Who the f knows.

When will a-hole boss finally deposit money in my account? See above.

When will my wonderful wife be paid for the week? When I scrounge the money on Sunday organizing a dance class.

Just Elsanne. It's a hard enough decision to make, and once it's been made, dammit, you just want it done already. I wish I could be there to hold your hand and go with you to your appointment. I know any one of us would have dropped everything to do that for you. I wish you peace and I wish you support from Viet.

els: s it's not much, i know, so i feel lame. but i really, really do mean it. should we do another lovefest thing again? marek is trying to convince me to go outside and play with him in the 40 degree weather so maybe you can just go back a page and read it again...???

to finish the answering of my questions:

partner: so bill. mutual friend introduced us. i thought bill was very full of himself. we argued. he annoyed me. then bill and mutual friend (george) shared a house while doing summer school and work that summer up in ithaca. bill continued to annoy me. he went off to sulk. i felt bad. and intrigued. and sad that i had made him sulky. later that evening, i apologized to him. the next day, our mutual friend george slept until like 2 pm, which was usual for him, but boring for us all wanting to do something. so we jumped on his bed and attacked him and blankets and pillows got thrown around and there was some wrestling and whatnot and bill and i ended up underneath a pillow together, breathing hard. i drove back to boston later that afternoon, and when i called to let them know i got home safely, bill and i talked a while. then the next day we talked again. and discovered that while we were breathing hard under the pillow together, we both had an inclination to kiss the other person which neither of us acted upon. our phone bill that month (and i think every month until we moved to oregon together 2 years later) was huge. hmmm... i haven't thought about that time for a long while. it's nice to remember.

we have two boys: my mmf but actually a june baby Marek, and 16 month old Stefan. we also have two sadly emotionally neglected but well fed cats: Turbo and Jorja.

ummm... what else were we supposed to answer? i forget. will look later.

oh, and remember when we shared if we could rename ourselves and choose a hippie-dippie name what it would be? i never shared though i always intended to. mine would be Lakshmi Bali. lakshmi because it means prosperity and i've always liked the sound of it, and bali because i want to go there.

Els, still thinking of you. The aspiration requires a trip to MC, no? Ack on that and all it would entail. I'm ready to give Viet another kick to the balls.

Heath, on the date. We did some dates with Z when he was small, because he never ever took a bottle. I hear you on the yea/not yea EI thing . But E sounds very cute. Renae, have FUN!!!

I think it's funny that I can't think of a hippie name for the life of me (because despite outward appearances, I'm really a square). I have a 3rd nipple too, but it doesn't lactate.

I have to share my afternoon fun... Remember last spring, the women's retreat at church which I was uninvited from (because I was going to have to bring L or wean her)? There's a bulldog church lady who's held a major grudge against me since then, apparently. The topic of child care for an unrelated event came up at a meeting I was at Tues. night, and apparently, she's been stewing. I got a (snail mail) letter from her today full of vitriol and wackiness. Reading it made me both angry and scared, but the residual feeling is pity (well, and some fear). She cc'ed the minister (who's leaving for a trip this weekend, and I don't think will be available to do anything till she gets back). Nice, eh? I'm not sure what to do... I left a message for the minister (oh lucky her!), and if she can't intervene between now and Sunday morning (where I might see her, don't want a confrontation), I think I might have to call the pres. of the board of trustees. (Maybe I'll take this to the spirituality subforum...) I basically want someone to call her off ("You are not to talk to/send crazy letters to KK until we talk you off the ledge..").

it sounds like we aren't the only ones with the sickies. i think ebin was having some super sinus pressure and both boys developed super runny noses when we got up to the mountains. my mom has the horrible sinus pressure which makes me think that might have been ebin's problem because he had never ever been that fussy in his entire life. waking every 15 minutes for most of the night and crying while not wanting to nurse? check. i have insane black circles under my eyes as this was his plan for several nights in a row. oh mah gawd nelly. i feel like my last nerve is frazzled and broken. last night i couldn't cope and well...i hid under a pillow vowing to make that v appt for a v-day present in between getting up to pat him. and then he slept in manageable 2-3 hr blocks THANKFULLY

on the upside....the snow was wonderful and isaac *loved* it. he didn't want to sit on a sled at all but loved tromping around and climbing up snow banks and refusing to come inside. he did not like walking into the path of my dad's snowblower i snowboarded for a day and a half with my dad and the powder was great. i am totally getting old and developing a fear of chairlifts though. *shudder* i was having my doubts about getting to go boarding at all because the first part of the vacation was fraught with separation anxiety on ebin's part. he warmed up to my mom and was fine while i was gone. and he'll even sit on my dad's lap now. (i never had this phenom with isaac the daycare baby!) we did the looong drive back to bakersfield today

the highway between us and our flight home (out of burbank) keeps closing with this giant snow storm. we should be ok because the next storm will be warmer. fingers crossed -- we will be really ready to get home on sunday! it hasn't been an overly relaxing vacation with the mega lack of sleep. but my mom sure is a kick-ass caretaker in the feeding department. i haven't cooked or touched a dish in a week and a half. the woman is tireless. perhaps this is the root of my inability to be the same? i can appreciate now how pampered i am

ok enough about me

i'm so glad to hear HJ is home - i was thinking of you all week. i hope he can : and it sounds like you're keeping such a good eye on him. i am reallly sending "less stress in this arena please" vibes. can you feel them??

elsanne - i feel like saying 'oh honey' and hugging you. what are the chances? as i read along my thoughts were that i hoped you had access to ru-486. that's the way i would want to go. and then 'oh good she did' and then 'oh carp!' how unfair! (well, all of it). i'd bring you a beautiful paper journal to pour your heart onto...now or later. and i'm sorry viet is pulling back and leaving you to deal alone. le sigh.

renae - i'm glad you get a little weekend break. i get in the powerstruggle loop with isaac too. he's sooooo tough sometimes. i also think 'hey next to the shoe cubby is as good as the shoe cubby' but i realise it wasn't about the shoes. it was about antagonizing his mother right?? that last nerve thing? it sounds like things have been a lot better since then. isaac has been pretty feisty like that a lot on this trip and my mom has said many times that if i didn't DO something that she would. half the time i don't know what to do to get him under control! (us under control). le sigh again.

half of isaac's problem on this trip has stemmed from the fact that he does NOT POOP! daily miralax doesn't work. i'd be a cranky little ___ too. i finally resorted to laxative 2 days in a row and i honestly can't believe how much he was storing up. clean up to his tonsils as my mom said. she said it is sooo much worse than the point at which my pediatrician hospitalized me. i suppose i need to talk to my ped about it again.

fiddle- that's awesome about your friend nannying! seeing ebin freak about strangers on this trip has given me a renewed appreciation for his happy little bond with his nanny.

KK - that is scary and weird to get a letter like that! eeek. i wouldn't know what to do either but i know i'd feel wierd even though it is clearly that she is overstepping a boundary there.

i think i'm too tired for questions. abbreviated versions!

username: you know how jennifer lopez goes by jlo? well jstar is the jlo version of my name.

dh: i worked at an oil company during my college vacations. dh was the hottie mail boy *swoon* it was a summer fling that has now gone on for 12 1/2 years

kk: that woman is weird. and that letter should be shown to your minister as well as any other powers that be at church. isn't there a hathor about something like this?

els: continuing hugs from up norte...

jstar: welcome back from the mountains! separation anxiety babes are no fun. sickie babes are also no fun. when you are back in the pdx land, we MUST do play time for kiddos and mama catch up time for us.

heath: i said this on the bloggity, but i think you are amazing. truly. awe-inspiringly amazing. just reminding ya. and for hj: :

oh, and more answers to questions:

hobbies: ummm... mdc? i'm not a big hobby sort. i like birth and doula and midwifery stuff and i read a lot (or maybe i used to read a lot...???) of books about them. now i mostly skim. i'm a doula, but not currently doing any work because being mama takes up most of my time.

some secret you wouldn't know about me if i didn't tell you: ummm... hmmm... well... i can't think of one right now. ask me again tomorrow. or next week. or in february.

date was fun! HJ was awake and chatty most of the time which was adorable. DH and I had the omg we need to do this more often revelation. Girls were ecstatic to have time w/ the babysitter.

Els---I'm waiting in line w/ my heavy keen sandals on. A hard rubber-soled kick to the nads to get my message across... But for you my dear, I share a dose of my resilience and calm in the face of medical schtuff. And lots o' hugs.

That church lady is bizarre, KK. Maybe you could send the prairie dogs after her?

Glad you had a good time, Heather! Dh and I went out to see a hockey game last night, and it was so nice. So relaxing. So full of adults. And my girls are in love with our sitter as well, so it was a win-win!

jstar-thanks for checking in! I thought you were home by now, but I am glad you said hello! Sorry to hear about the travelling woes.

Renae, I know you're not checking in bom chicka bow bow but hope you are enjoying your weekend

Els, mama, friend, how is today going? I made a cup of coffee for you.

Els, I've got my huge clod-hopper hospital Dankos on right now. So Viet better watch out. I wish I could be there to doula you through this experience...

Heath - so glad date went well. Those eves help so much!

jstar - your vacay sounds exhausting, dear.

KK - WTF? I hate it when people get all crazy out of left field. It is scary. Good luck with that icky sitch.

Questions...um...username? MC Sarah B in the hizzy. I've had that online name forevah, since like the beginning of the internets.

DH meeting: we've known each other since 5th grade, started dating in 10th, broke up briefly right after high school, back together the next year and he followed me to college on the west coast, married the summer after college graduation.

Kids: I'm one of those I've-wanted-kids-since-I-was-18 people. I mean, my uterus has. Like I would get serious uterine cramping if I saw a cute baby. Knew I didn't really want a kid until after my first stint in grad school, and when I quit that I convinced DH that the time was now.

jstar~Yes, my 2nd is a May babe. It sounds like we have a lot in common. I am totally jealous you got to go snowboarding. I haven't been at all this year.
Saige has the same problem. Daily miralax doesn't work for her either. Neither does laxatives or those awful suppositories(sp?) We had to give her an enema last night : Hers seems to be worse when she drinks cows milk. :

meesa - i feel like i have hardly boarded at all in YEARS. zero days last year for being pregnant and i think only 2 days and 4 or 5 days the 2 years before that. and we used to go almost every weekend in our former lives. i feel so old and washed up now! also - when i was a kid they hospitalized me around 2 or 3 years old for constipation and took me off milk completely. i'll have some terrible osteoporosis when i get old i'm sure. so you're probably right that milk makes it worse for saige. i think it does for isaac too.

ok i have to visit as many people as possible today. thankfully ebin slept 'normally' last night. it figures he'd get the whole sleeping away from home thing sorted out the night before we leave

annnnnnnd i just talked to doug for the first time in a week. he's in new jersey. yay!

I have to say I'm embarrassed. My head has been so far up my own butt lately I've missed out on being a good friend to others. I'm overwhelmed and crazy and totally self-absorbed right now and I wish I could say things were going to change soon. I haven't even logged on to MDC for the whole month of January, if that's any indication of the nutsyness that is my life.

But I will belatedly join the love parade and offer to be the person who runs to starbucks when everyone else needs a coffee. and I am sending kind thoughts and prayers to all my may mommas. And I have some pretty good kicking boots when that line starts up. nads.

Yeah, I say "I'm off for the weekend!" But then I cannot resist checking in on my May Mamas.

KK, wow, what a freak. Sorry if that's out of line but it gets my knickers in a twist to read stuff like that. I hope things get smoothed out a bit!
Heather, happy anniversary, hope you had fun! And : vibes to HJ! Elsanne. I you, lady. I wish I could be there with you...

Oh, the shoe thing. Yes, it wasn't about the damn shoes. It was the fact that the kid had been doing things like that not all DAY, but all freakin' WEEK! So yeah, I was on my last nerve. Things have definitely improved since. And not just because Rowan went to Gramma's! This whole week we were pretty okay. Some talking-to, a smack or two (he smacked ME *sigh*--but at least it wasn't in the face!) and maybe a tantrum...but yeah, nothing like last Saturday. So we're existing. We'll come out of this glitch, and then we'll run right into another. Haha. Such is life.
Megan, it's so totally okay, hon. No apologies. I was upset at the time, but you know, I understand about the fixing things, I really do. I'm not mad at ALL.

Okay, back to not being on the internet. But first, borrow jstar's abbreviated versions of the Questions:
Username: I am a mama, and I used to wear wings. In public. And I have faery wings tattooed on my back. I'm a Mama Faery. *grin*

DH: I moved to MA from CA to follow my high school sweetheart, who went to a tech school out here. He made a bunch of friends, with whom I was introduced. One in particular caught my eye, and after a good year or so of him asking (bugging) me to take him out to clubs I had been going to, I did. We became fast friends, then best friends, and then we fell in love. Relationship with BF I moved out to be with had been fizzling, then it ended, then future-DH and I got almost instantly together. It's not as bad as it sounds! :
We've been together for almost 10 years, married for almost 7. It's been a wild, and beautiful ride.

Pets: We have a fish, and my first "child" is our big fuzzy black cat named Julio. Who is also Monsieur Chat! our inspiration and sometime PITA.

Hobbies: I am so into music it's not even funny. I go to shows and go dancing when I can, make Mix CD's and...and I sing karaoke. : I also read as much as I can, crochet, and make jewelry. I also love standup comedy and rent defunct TV shows from Netflix to watch with DH.
Oh god, jstar, I just have to say that I LOVE DR. DREW!!! I don't have cable so I don't really get to watch Celeb Rehab much, but AFI and Blaqk Audio have been on Loveline so very much that Dr. Drew grew on me. Hehe.

Kids: I have the one and only Rowan, born May 26 of '04. He is a Mr. Poopypants and brilliant and funny and adorable and I love him dearly.
Okay, all done with the internets! I'll be back to tell you all about our weekend when it's over. Our weekend of um, hanging out on the couch and eating pizza rolls! We may go to a movie in a bit...if we can decide what to see!

username: my old nom de plume when I wrote a 'zine back before in the internet was emmalola. so here I am.

sweets: we met through a mutual friend when we were both living in the Bay Area. had a lot of fun and when I went to nursing school across the country he found a way to also go to the same school the following year. It was a good, sweet, honest love affair so when he asked me to marry him I was more than ready. we're good together.

pets: we have a dog named Biscuit who alternates between being a sweet addition to our family and being a total hazard to our children and sanity. today she's a sweetie.

hobbies: i like making things. right now I'm working on a painting/collage. i also scrapbook, knit, sew, bead, make cards, and generally do whatever I set my mind to. I went skiing last weekend after a 21 year hiatus and loved it and have been pining to climb the mountain again ever since. I love endurance cycling, but haven't been able to do that seriously since I left the bay area 8 years ago. I also love running, but babies seem to have taken a toll on my knees and my ability to train so that's been on the back burner. waaaaay back burner. and then there's that dissertation, which should be my main focus but feels a lot like a hobby I can't get away from.

kids: two- the lentil and the peanut. my little legumes. you can see their dates of birth in my siggy.

Things are looking up here after a very icy morning where Viet and I avoided eye contact at all costs. Finally I stood in front of him and said, so, what's up? etc... and we were able to have a talk. At least now, I am relaxing just a teensy bit and I have some angels out there who have made sure we have groceries, and gas in the house, and in the car, and that my phone is working...
Also today I had an unexpected reprieve in the business of life when a class I had to teach was cancelled (an exchange with my chiro, so no money loss) and the girls were already at the sitter's, so I came home and had several hours to myself here in my house. Very essential for sanity.

I have to tell you something Viet said yesterday, last night, that is so insensitive it's FUNNY if you can find it in yourself to see the humor (which I could do, with some time and distance). He said, "Can the woman do the aspiration tomorrow? It's horrible having you like this."

My response:
"oh, it's horrible having me like this? Can you imagine then what it's like to be actually LIVING it? And sure, she can do the procedure tomorrow, except that she'd like to be paid for it. Have you done anything about trying to get money? Called anyone?"

But I can't tell you what a difference your support has made, your shoes all lined up to ensure Viet no longer engenders progeny. I have a few friends irl, my family, and youguys--especially youguys--that have really witnessed the whole deal. I actually am getting a lot out of writing it out. I don't keep a journal anymore, like the pre-children days, so this is it.

sweets: none at the moment. I'm happily divorced since 12/06, just started to date a little but enjoying flying solo

pets; none. because of all the moving around, divorce, etc i lost my kitty and my dog.

hobbies: not much between working full time and having my daughter a lot of my free time. i enjoy the outdoors, browsing online message boards, reading book and magazines. trying to get back into shape so i'm starting to run and bike as weather permits.

Oh my, Sherri. Thank you for the laugh! Even now, 20 minutes after reading the post, all I have to do is think, "bom chicka bow wow," and I am gone again. I really needed that. whew. (wipes tears from cheeks).

KK, church tomorrow is gonna be akward. I'd be tempted to skip, but that would only encourage her.

Wow, Els, what V said was unbelievably insensitive.

HF, you are often in my thoughts. I am really hoping things turn around for HJ. Maybe the EI people will have a good feeding therapist for you (EI in my area didn't really have feeding therapists, so we had to go through health insurance.) I was thinkin about what the therapists said about E, and I realized something. Your kids all seem to require intense amounts of energy as babies, but it is so worth it, because they are these amazing, brilliant kiddos, who are going to grow up into adults who bring so much to the world. They are talented and they know they are loved, and they are going to make the world a better place. Because of that you have given them, they will have a lot to give.

Emmalola- I think not logging on to MDC for a month is a very appropriate response to what has been going on in your life! One can only juggle so many balls.

TC and others- I'm lovin the answers to the questions, because although we've answered some of them before, I'm hearing different details this time.

jstar, what a bummer about the sleepies.

Questions:
fiddlefern- i play the violin. i like ferns. what can I say. (majored in bio with an emphasis on microbial ecology, i like forest-type-stuff)

dh- met him at work. fought a ton while we were dating. barely fight at all now, though i do badger him and he bristles back sometimes.

pets- a cat, neglected like tc's.

sorry for the lack of deets, I'm gettin tired. think I'd better hit the hay. Dh had both kids by himself for 25 hours while I went to work, so he's snoring away on the couch. I promised I'd get up with both kids tonight so he can experience the kind of delicious night's sleep I got last night at work. yes, i get more sleep at work than at home.

I'm reading this book that Juice sent to me, called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert....it is so great...highly recommend it. It's really helping me with this situation in terms of pulling my head out of my arse and rising above. Or, just diving into my book and forgetting about things for a while. She's my age and she writes really cleverly, highly entertaining book about her search for herself and god and the best gelato and everything.

Today I am totally dragging. Yesterday I had some nausea, and strangely it was a gift to feel "pregnant" again even though the outcome will not be the big prize of mon bebe. I really go up and down about this whole thing, swinging wildly. I have a workshop today and had several cancellations which irks me...need these girls to take more responsibility durnit, they did not pre-pay (my fault) and today they're cancelling. *sigh* It will all be fine, it's just annoying.

Morning, all. I've been on call since Thursday night at 8 pm, and am tired. Did get a full night's sleep last night, but it was restless and full of dreams about my pager going off. Sigh. Caught a baby, though, on Friday morning!

Elsanne, hope the talk with Viet has positive long-term consequences. We are all thinking of you.

EL, glad to see you around again. No apologies for your absence. The funding thing is a PITA and I hope it is resolved soon. I feel for you.

More details to fill in on the questions:

So, the kids thing. I have always wanted 2 kids. I had my May '04 babe and her infancy, through the first year or so, was really, really hard on me and DH. Her first 2-3 mos. of breastfeeding were miserable; she was a horrible sleeper, and we struggled with sleep issues. So now my uterus and heart are wanting another one, but DH is completely against it and my brain is against it, too. It's just hard to let go of my original plan. Even if we did do it again, it wouldn't be for a couple of years, until I get out of school and established in a job. I waffle back and forth a lot. There was a long period where I was sure I didn't want another, but now the desire is creeping back. It probably won't happen, though. DH is plotting his vasectomy.

Hobbies: none. Don't have time with school and kiddo. Before all that I liked crafty things, jewelry-making, sewing, knitting and crocheting. Liked walking and hiking, nothing too extreme, just day hikes around this beautiful area (Oregon). Read a lot of books. I like food and cooking and baking. We have had a puny garden the last couple of years and plan to really kick into full gear with that next year, once I am out of school. Oh, and we have a 100+-year-old house that DH works on constantly. We've done a lot of work and have a lot left to do.

For those of you who are new, I am in my last year of a 3-year nurse-midwifery program. It is way more than full time and pretty intense. I started it when Lily was 14 mos. I love it, though, and am more and more sure that it is the right path for me. Hoping to finish in June, definitely sometime this summer.

Pets: One very, very neglected cat named Joe. He is the world's most annoying cat and has been outdoor-only since Lily was about a month old.

Ok, off to hang with the fam. Going to the science museum to see an IMAX film today! Hope the 3.5-yo can last through the whole thing.