Alright, first things first. Because I don’t want to get any death threats over my recovery blog, and because I understand and respect the fact that Christ is a precious figure to many many people around the world, let me say that this post is in no way sacrilege to Jesus or religion. To fully vet our backgrounds in this department, JM’s family is mainly Catholic and Episcopal (I think) and I was born to a protestant woman who converted to Judaism in order to avoid the wrath of her mother-in-law and not be permanently exiled for being shikseh! My mother later became a born-again Christian (years after her divorce) and started burning Barbara Streisand albums in response to the threat of satanic messages being secretly contained on secular music. As you can imagine, (at the tender age of 9 years old) I was shocked, and also very confused! Later in life I was reunited with a whole slew of my Jewish relatives, and that’s where I picked up my mad Yiddish skills. Okay, here’s how JM makes peace with Jesus.

We were standing at the kitchen sink yesterday eating a healthy breakfast some toast loaded with butter and raspberry jam, when with a furrowed brow, he scratched his head (jelly eeking out the corners of his mouth) and said:

Maybe Jesus was one of us.

Huh? As in alcoholic?

Why do we have to take the words of Jesus so literally?

Mmmm…are you saying he inferred that he was an alcoholic?

I’m a child of god. I’m a child of the universal whole.

Ok. And?

Jesus broke off some good teaching, but so does Art.

Who’s Art?

From L.A., on skid row. The homeless photographer guy we hung out with.

Ooooh! I love Art. Agreed, Jesus is Krishna, is Buddha, is Art. He was a teacher.

Yeah. He was a teacher. Like Art. We’re all teachers. It’s just about how far we’re willing to go to carry the message.

The conversation went on from there but in the name of brevity, I’ll leave it at this. Yesterday, JM was able to channel his inner Jesus (and his inner Emmet Fox) in order to point out that as Fox would say, “There is absolutely no system of theology of doctrine to be found in the Bible. It simply isn’t there!” This goes back to yesterday’s discussion of Step 2, that we find numerous ways to come into faith, and once there, we have the option to just keep growing. People are essentially spiritual creatures (not necessarily religious ones!) At any given moment if we consider all the possible religions and religious perspectives on the planet, we are getting just a fragment of different ways to say the same thing…for example:

So if you’re struggling with Step 2, coming to believe that a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity, you’re probably putting that power into a box, making it rigid and strict. Instead, try wearing the idea of a power greater than yourself like a loose cloak (vs. a straitjacket.) Simply wrap yourself loosely in the idea that you are not that power. That’s all you really need to know to begin. You’re not God! Once I accepted that there was in fact a power greater than Nina, my heart began to open to the teachers that were brought into my life. And in sobriety I learned that everyone, every single person with whom I have any encounter, is a teacher. Teaching me in just a word, a glance, an attitude, a phrase, a sentence, a conversation, who I want to be and who I definitely do not want to be. I can thank everyone I come in contact with, no matter how they treat me.

I give you that Jesus was pretty cool. He was a subversive you know, always at war with the ‘official’ powers and regime of his own country. They knew, just like the powers at large today know, that when people speak the truth, when they can access the truth, hold it in their hearts, become empowered and moved by it, it is the beginning of the end for the old regime. And that’s a lot of power.

So my Monday night meeting last night was on the topic of sex, and as you can imagine, there is nothing quite as lively as a group of sober male and female alcoholics of all ages sitting around an AA meeting talking about sex.

It all started on p68 of the Big Book, when Peggy, a conservatish woman in her 60s read out loud, “Now about sex.” Believe me, when she says that many of us needed an overhauling there, you kind of feel like you need to sit up and pay attention.

It’s interesting that they thought to include the topic of sex in such an important part of the book (How it Works) when the group as a whole was still so new. Because sex can be just like a drug, and it can cause just as many problems. “One school would allow man (hmmm…what about the ladies!) no flavor for his fare (ummm…ok) and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet (I’m not even sure what this really means or in what context sex:pepper = a strong analogy). But the point is, we’re not here to tell you what kind of sex to have or with whom or when or where, ect.

One of the smartest things AA ever did was decide to stay out of this controversy. Yet they did so recognizing that many of us have sex problems.

The first problem is having sex when you are newly sober. I’m not going to stay on this topic long, because as unnerving as it is to take your clothes of stark raving sober for the first time, most of us seem to figure it out with a little practice and relatively little permanent damage.

But the questions of our conduct around sex can pose a slightly more trouble.

When I was being brought up in old school sobriety, the women in my life explained to me that this page wasn’t just referring to having sex, but to right action for my sex (female). In other words, it was about learning how to be a sober woman without using sex and sexuality to manipulate, coerce or change other’s opinions about me. That was about building self-esteem. So the questions are pretty hard core. They ask us to consider where we have been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate. Where did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault? What could we have done differently?

And when you look at these questions, they are a great measure for any little glitch we come across in our lives.

The BB says that ‘”we subjected each relationship to this test–was it selfish or not?”

Yikes! And on an unrelated note, “Who are you to judge the life I live? I’m not perfect and I don’t have to be! Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean!” Sorry…I felt a little need for some quick Bob Marley there.

Ok, back to selfish. Uh….yeah, my relationships are kind of selfish. I mean I’m pretty much about myself. Even in my best moments I am usually ridiculously self-seeking or self-centered. What do all my fear, resentment and pity have in common? They’re all about me.

Thankfully, Bill (or some early AA member who was reading over the manuscript for the book) had the good sense to say listen people, we’ve got to relax about this thing. Remember, we’re dealing with drunks here! Let’s just encourage them to get an ideal and become willing to work towards that.

So it means making amends where we’ve hurt people (sexually or otherwise) and asking God for direction. We pray for sanity (ha! that always makes me laugh) and one more time, if sex is really an issue, we handle it the way we handle most of our problems in AA–we help another alcoholic.

It was kind of a fun meeting. There was a lot of giggling and there were a few who pointed out the deadly seriousness of this thing and how we make people feel uncomfortable by our giggling. There were some in the room who were clearly just figuring out how to have sex sober and some who flat out refuse to have sex sober because they’re afraid they’re going to fall off the sex wagon I guess.

It takes all kinds, and the greatest thing about AA is that all kinds are welcome.