It’s like she’s my long lost twin. She and I, with the whole hater thing, it’s just….I can’t even find the words in my native language, so I will just say (with a tear in my eye) that she and I are simpatico.

Te amo, Dawn, te amo.

And thus I give you, Hater Humpday. Today I want to talk about grammar and spelling, and the errors that I hate. I have been harboring some grievances that must be aired. Please don’t take offense if you are guilty of any of these violations, just take these new tools and rules and implement them. Well they aren’t really new, just new to you if you aren’t using them.

Please.

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1. To/Too/Two

These are three different words, used in three different circumstances. Trust me, I’m sure. Let’s start with “to”.

To is either a preposition, as in “I am going to the liquor store”, or it is an infinitive, when followed by a verb, as in “I am going to run at the track” (which, by the way, would never happen because I don’t like to sweat).

In contrast, too is an adverb. Think of too as being another way of saying “also”.

Don’t write “I love vodka martinis to!” That is incorrect, and it makes me want to set someone on fire, and I will not waste my drink by pouring it over you to put the fire out. What you mean to say is “I love vodka martinis also” which means you would use too.

Now, two really should be obvious, but in case it isn’t, IT’S THE WRITTEN FORM OF THE NUMBER 2.

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2. Whose/Who’s

Who’s is a contraction for “who is.” Who’s going to clean up the cracker crumbs you left in your bed in the middle of the night?

Whose is the possessive of who. Whose mess is this? Or, I know whose mess this is. You’ll notice if, in your mind, you say I know who is mess this is that it doesn’t make sense. That’s when you would use the possessive version.

Please, I don’t want to see this anymore, I know whose cleaning up this mess!

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See what you did??

3. IRREGARDLESS

That is not a word. Well, to be technical, it’s considered a non-standard word. For instance, when I spell check it, it has a big red line under it. Red is bad, people.

The correct word is regardless. There is no “IR” on the front of that word. When you say it or write it that way you just sound ignorant, and you make the baby Jesus cry.

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4. Your/You’re

It seems that most people don’t understand the difference between your and you’re because I see them misused all the time.

Now I could present a long, boring explanation involving terms like second person possessive adjective or present participles, but who’s (see how I used that?) going to remember that?

Here’s the simple rule to remember: You’re is the contraction for you are, and if you’re able to replace the word with “you are,” you’re saying you’re. Otherwise, your only choice is your.

You’re (you are) welcome.

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5. Y’all

I think I hate this one most of all. Since moving to Texas, I’ve found that people use this word all the time, and even use it in writing, such as emails. At work. To the boss.

There are differing views on whether this is a “legitimate” word, but all seem to agree that it’s a colloquialism that has become very common.

Perhaps I’m having trouble letting go of my native colloquialisms, such as dude and gnarly. Although, to be fair, I never used dude or gnarly in business correspondence.

So use it if you must, but know that I die a little inside each time I see that word. Oh, and also know that y’all has a red line under it too (too, meaning also).

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Please help spread the word on proper spelling and grammar, so I don’t have to write any more of these tedious posts.

Then I can use my future Hater Humpdays to rant about Lindsay, Charlie and, now, Arnold.

I abso-friggin-lutely hate when people say “YA’LL” I won’t say it and I think it sounds ignorant. To those people who keep saying “you are in America! Learn to speak English, I say this, America includes South and Central America. It’s the United States that has English as its official language AND “YA’LL” is not proper or real English. That’s my gripe LOL

OMG, I LOVE this shit! You had me at “infinitive,” but when you got to “present participle” I actually squealed with delight!! Although I’m a bit partial to subjunctive verbs and coordinating conjunctions myself. You are my bloggy sista from another mista!

Can I just weigh in on how much I HATE those “Baby On Board” signs in people’s cars?? Unless your infant is an expert surfer, or a trustee of some sort, she is NOT “on board” she is “ONBOARD.” Thank you.

I am a little giddy here, because I have to correct the “ya’ll” thing. It is actually Y’ALL, a combination of “you” and “all.” Teehee. Feeling very smug and superior at the moment. Of course, that’s only because I have major typos all the time, never use the right a/effect and commit other varied grammatical sins. Fortunately, or unfortunately, for me, my teenager is a grammar freak. She is my “go to” person for all questions on grammar for English, German and some random Eastern European crapola that she also speaks.

Do I need too weigh in here? Irregardless of what I say, whose so much better than me that your not committing an error now and then? Geez, y’all have really had an affect on my self-esteem now! Just sayin’ … (Couldn’t help myself) 😉

I am an unrepentant grammar snob and judge people VERY harshly when they screw up their FIRST [and generally only] LANGUAGE. I am so bad about this, I do it even when people are being emotional [i.e., victim’s statements in court].

The thing that makes me most mental? This inability to use I and Me correctly. IT’S NOT HARD, PEOPLE.

Ok.. I love you and you know it. 🙂 I say y’all. I write y’all (admittedly not in business correspondence). I also say fixin’ to and the even more wrong finda (short I sound). And yanno what else? I’m PROUD!!! LOL 😀

I’m with the commenter who hates the misuse of affect/effect, and I will throw in hating the misuse of there/their/they’re, pronouncing the “t” in often, people who try to make the word “all” plural, or use redundant turns of phrase for example “..Alls you need to do is send a letter in writing…”

Oh my God! I can’t believe how many other grammar snobs have congregated here. I’m in heaven!

The thing that gets me craziest is when people confuse “its” and “it’s.” I see “it’s” used as a possessive all the time — on billboards, on window signs, and in newspapers. I just want to take my red pen and circle the apostrophe with a delete mark. I take it quite personally.