Me, The Hubby and our Four Monsters! Sleepless nights, dirty nappies, tantrums, and tears. But also adventures, fun, laughter, and a whole lot of love! Not every day is easy, but every moment is precious. Welcome to My Life as Mumma Walker!

Search This Blog

Pages

Friends, but not best friends. Please!

I am not a "lead roll" in the stage of life, I have always been the "supporting actress" and I like that. I can't be doing with the pressure of being the one that every one depends on to be in charge, to organise every social event, to take centre stage and entertain everyone in a social group. I've always liked to be the one sat next to that person. Not basking in their glory, but being there to help out back stage and support.

Because of this I have almost always had a best friend who was a dominant personality (with the exception of Jacquie who is just utterly chilled out).

For example, through my high school and A-Level years my best mate was Bee, a very dominant personality who was the one who desided what we did and with who. As, up until meeting her, I had a very limited social group (apart form about a year I spent at another friends house in Leeds. She was - and still is - great, but I didn't get on very well with the local kids there) i was willing to go long with it and made some good friends and a few boyfriends.

She went a bit mental at me when I got engaged for the first time, and then when i went to uni and made friends of my own she just couldn't seem to forgive me and even though I tried to include her she drifted away from me.

Then I meet Jacquie and Kerry. Jacs went home a bit form uni to see her feller (soon to be hubby) and I spent most of my time ith Kerry, although I considered them both to be my best friends. Kerry, for the first year at Uni, also dominated my life - and i think she had a similar if less dramitic effect on Jacs. We based many of our likes and dislikes of people in our block on her attitudes towards them.

Sadly in our second year, when we all lived together, Kerry had a bit of a mental blip caused be serious post-natal depression. Me and Jacs lost touch with her after that.

After Uni Jacs moved back home to have her baby and I found myself floundering with out a best-mate I could spend day-to-day time with, and meet a woman called Gill who was sister of a lady I worked will. Gill is another lady with a huge personality, and as she was older than me and far more street wise I let her take control in our relationship. it was about the same time that I split with the guy i was engaged to, and I think it was no suprise for a short time we became "more than friends". Eventually though we both met new men and went our separate ways (her feller was unhappy with her spending time with a woman she once slept with in case she did it again! He's the same with her ex-fellers too by all accounts)

At this point in my life I went through a big change. I had a nervouse "thing" (not a breakdown as such, but not far off) and re-invented myself, I meet Yorkie and my life trned round for the better. I have not felt the need for a dominant woman in my life. Infact, I don't want one in my life. I have dominance over myself, and me and Yorkie make a perfect balance.

So this is the point I am getting to! Yes, there is one.

Recently I have been befriended by a "dominant older woman", and while I like having her as a friend, I don't want my life - all be it just my social life - being run by her. I'm not saying that this is the case at the moment, but alarm bells are ringing. The countless texts sent every day (my other friends rarely text me, they just know to state a time and a place and if I'm free I go, and if not I reply to set another date), the TELLING me that I am going out on such-and-such a night, even when I have no money. that apparently is no good reason, and they are willing to pay (but that means i am then in debt to return the money spent, or repay the favor at a later date), she arranges to come round to my house and I feel backed into a courner (all because I mentioned once that because I work from home it feels like I never see anyone).

I'm sure that to anyone reading this it sounds like I am ungrateful for having a friend who wants to spend time with me, and who understands that I work from home, have only a very little spare cash and wants to help with that..... But i swear that's not the case. She is lovely, but I have learned to spot the "dominant" type and want to keep our relationship as "friends" not "best friends". I have 2 best friends already in jacquie and andrea, and my all time truest friend in my yorkie, but I am all too suseptable to falling into a dominering relationship which ultimatly damages all my other relationships.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can put across the message that I want to be her mate, but not her best mate (she has one of those too already by the way) without hurting her feelings or making her think that I don't want to be her friend at all???

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Yay! Another thing of the list - two things actually because I'm certain I have the right replacement shoes for me too!

Drove down to Mum's this morning, picked her up and drove over to Jacquie's, and from there the three of us and Jac's two daughters headed over to the Trafford Centre.

It turned out to be a really easy shopping trip - and surprisingly quick too!

First off, Debenhams. The first dresses we saw for child bridesmaids looked just about perfect. Little ivory dresses with chiffon type fabric over the skirt and little flowers embroidered on the top. This means that they are the same ivory as my dress, and have some green included too which makes them ideal. And they had Caitlin & Mia's sizes too. The girls tried them on, with co-ordinating shoes, and looked brilliant! We looked at others, but none of them came close so we had them put aside and moved onto the next shop.

Monsoon had a sale on, and we were hopeful, but nothing was quite right. They had plen…

It's that time of year again! Jack and Tom have been preparing for their grading since September. Jack is used to the whole process now, but for Tom it was the first time. This time we were taking Jack's friend Rory with us - he goes to a different school but does jujitsu with the same club.

Tom was trying for his first belt which is white. Rory was going for orange, and Jack was going for blue.

As usual parents can't stay to watch, so after dropping the three of them off I went for a wander to get some steps in for my own fitness (and a coffee and mince pie) with Freddie. In the freezing cold and bitter wind of Morecambe in December! Lucky old Hubby and Georgie stayed at home in the warm! Freddie didn't rate it at all - if he wasn't still 100% a boobie baby I wouldn't have dragged him out in it and left him home in the warm too.

When I got back to the school and queued up to get in and watch the belts be awarded I wound up chatting with another mum. We got on…