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Sunday, 30 January 2011

The Internet

*Pete is; writing a blog on Internet... LOLOLOLOL!*

My name is Peter Neil Smith and I am an Internet Addict.

I managed to resist joining Facebook for a long while (I'd never even heard of 'farmville' until about a year ago) but eventually, it got me. I just needed to ask a couple of people some questions about tour dates. They hadn't replied to my emails, so I signed up to Facebook to ask them and (as is the way with most addictions) it soon spiralled out of control leaving me hopelessly dependent. Even now as I type, I have a Facebook tab open in my browser and every ten or twelve seconds my eyes flicker over to it to see if I've got any notifications... Someone, anyone, PLEASE SAY SOMETHING TO ME AND DISTRACT ME FROM THE REAL WORLD. But the Internet is a cruel mistress and I, alas, have very few friends. Oooh wait, I've got one....

It's gotten so bad that even when I step away from the computer, I'm on Facebook. For some fucking reason I set up text notifications to my phone (how fucking needy is that?!) So now when I get an FB message, my phone gets it too. This has led to me having 74 unread text messages on my phone at the moment.

*Pete is; going to get a cup of tea*

I 'm currently temping in an office, unfortunately this has enabled my addiction even more. I am now CONSTANTLY online and checking my Facebook and Gmail... no, still nothing? Ok... do some work... wait, check again.... no.... still nothing... Maybe there's something interesting on punktastic? No? hmmmm....

*Pete is; Yawning. I. AM. TIRED.*

Luckily enough for me, the only (work proof) sites I use are Facebook, Gmail, PT, BBC Football and this fucking blog. I'm too terrified to join/visit anymore in case I attempt a real life recreation of the film 'Lawnmower Man' by simply smashing my face into my monitor over and over and over and over and over and over and over until the Internet 'absorbs me'.

But therein lies my problem with the Internet, there isn't a lot on here... What else am I really supposed to do with it? I don't have my own computer at the moment (FUCK YOU LS6 BURGLARS) So I don't bother looking around for new bands anymore. I don't care about any opinions other than mine, so I don't read blogs. I don't care deeply enough about anything to subscribe to a mailing list or visit any sites. I've got my own cat, so I don't need to watch 'funny' videos of yours on YouTube and I'm not really fucked what you or Steven Fry had for breakfast, so that's Twitter out...

*Pete is; Going to get another tea. 4 so far today!*

The problem is, I'm not alone... It's spreading. Every time I leave the house I see more and more people on the Internet on their phones. I was at a gig a couple of weeks ago and some fucking mouth breather next to me was updating their Twitter while watching a band, '*** are incredible!' Oh really? THAT incredible that you aren't even watching them? I really think pubs should start being phone free zones. There's been many occasions recently when I've been out and I've looked over to the next table and all the people sat there are on the Internet on their fucking phones rather than talking to each other. If you're going to do that, stay in, surely?

The worst part is, I moan about it, but I do it too. Every time I'm confronted with a social situation that I don't like, I dig my phone out and get on the Internet. If my girlfriend or Jay (potato/potato) is talking to someone I don't know, rather than attempting to join in the conversation, I pull out my phone and go on the Internet. I will happily admit that that is fucking lame. I know it is when I do it and I know there won't be anything good on there, but I can't help myself.

I think it's just a measure of how pathetic I've become recently. On the Internet I crave attention. Comments, posts, messages, tags, fucking anything... SOMEONE TALK TO ME. But when it comes to actual real life, I can't be bothered with it. The fucking Internet has ruined my life!

*Pete is; going to take a radio to bathe with me, plugggggged in and readdddyyy to falllllllll*