Monday, October 03, 2011

Weekend Football Thoughts and Other Things

I make an effort to not post about football since I have the impression that the people who read this aren’t really interested in football. Guess what. I like football and I’m going to write about it. In fact, I’m going to make every Monday post during the football season a “Weekend Football Thoughts and Other Things” post. The title pretty much says it all. You’ll get some football and you’ll get some other stuff.

Also, how about the new layout? Like it? Don’t like it? Let me know what you think in the comments or on Facebook or Twitter.

Late in the third quarter of the Notre Dame-Purdue game I said to my wife, “Maybe Purdue should stick to making boilers because this football thing doesn’t seem to be working out.” The Irish finally put everything together and blasted the Boilermakers 38-10. I was happy, but I would rather they play afternoon games so that I don’t have to worry about my cheering waking up the baby.

Two of the most interesting match-ups (#8 Nebraska at #7 Wisconsin and #3 Alabama at #12 Florida) of the day just happened to be scheduled at the same time as the Notre Dame game. With my old TiVo this wasn’t a problem as I could bounce quickly between three games with little trouble. However, I recently had my receiver replaced with one of Directv’s own models. It was a fucking nightmare to try to flip between three games. Plus, the receiver reacts about three seconds after I press a button on the remote, so I have to anticipate the end of the play in the game I’m watching in order to maximize my experience. In the end, this “upgrade” managed to set me back about five years. Thankfully, all three games got out of hand real fast so there wasn’t much urgency. All I’m asking is to watch three games at once on one TV, I think that’s reasonable.

If you’ve only ever experienced the DVR of your cable or satellite company and never used TiVo, you don’t know what you are missing. TiVo puts those DVRs to shame. TO SHAME!

I don’t care how much you paid for that perfume, nothing smells better than Johnson’s Baby Shampoo.

Remember when offensive linemen had to remain still as a statue prior to the snap? Now they’re twisting and pointing and adjusting their feet and generally flailing around like failed So You Think You Can Dance contestants. How do the refs even know when someone jumps offsides?

I’ve completely given up hope that offensive linemen will ever again line up on the line of scrimmage.

ESPN kept cutting away from the Notre Dame game for updates they called “SportsCenter Right Now” and would consistently show highlights from games that were already over. I get enough lying from my politicians, I don’t need it from my sports networks, too.

Are there really two shows based on fairy tales this fall?

The Colts didn’t play yesterday so I was free to watch any game I wanted during the two Sunday slots. Of course, it works out that there were absolutely zero interesting match-ups all day. I decided to tune in to the game Gus Johnson was calling. Unfortunately, even Gus couldn’t make Vikings-Chiefs sound exciting. Those teams are awful.

As a football fan who lives in Chicago, I feel the need to watch a good portion of the Bears game each week. Each week I thank God that I’m not a Bears fan. That team plays an unwatchable brand of football. I feel like they win by accident.

On the other hand, if Directv had a Devin Hester Returns Kicks Alert, I’d switch to the Bears game every time that popped up.

Yes, I know the Colts are absolutely painful to watch this year.

If you want to talk to me about your Fantasy Football team, I’ll probably listen politely and even engage you a bit but just know that I’m rolling my eyes inside.

So everyone is just okay with an NFL in which Sanchez and Flacco aren’t in danger of losing their jobs to the next guy?

On that note, why do so many people seem to root for dudes like Cam Newton and Tim Tebow to fail? You’d think we’d root for every new QB to be the best thing ever. Wouldn’t the NFL be so much more fun to watch?

Bob Costas is a fantastic guest on Dave Letterman’s show but he’s pretty much intolerable anywhere else.

I’m sure NFL coaches find it comforting that if they don’t find a job with a team, they can always do Coors commercials that make them look like complete idiots.