Togetherness

Alan | Aged 91Pinner | December 2015

Educated at a boys’ school Alan barely had the opportunity to interact with girls as he was growing up, although the inter-school debates organised with the corresponding girls’ school led to inevitable encounters with the opposite sex behind the bike sheds! Alan recalls they were put on hold for a few years after the excitement got too much, but not before one young girl had caught his eye. They got to know each other and stayed in touch through their university days. In fact, she supplied Alan with his first glimpse of youthful erotic love when he called to see her at Oxford whilst visiting another friend and found her in a rather embarrassing position with another man! Alan met and married his first wife in the 1940s, the wedding going ahead despite her reservations. They had children together but were later separated and divorced. Although Alan was initially startled and surprised by the breakdown of the marriage, he acknowledged his wife’s initial misgivings and, so agreeing to the separation, he soon settled into single life.

Finding himself in London during the 1960s, and now in his 40s, Alan joined a society for mature single graduates through which he met his second wife. Gradually the friendship blossomed and they began to spend more and more time together until Alan’s divorce came through, at which time they were married. Looking back, Alan realises that he wasn’t necessarily that compatible with his first wife; well educated at Cambridge, he had enjoyed a high-flying career and reflects that his wife, with a lesser education, perhaps considered her views weren’t always heard, and that his strong character could have overpowered her. His second marriage, however, was one of complete mindful togetherness, not that they always saw eye to eye, but could discuss various issues and come to a considered view, respecting each other’s expertise. He believes that, although the sexual attraction he experienced in youth was present, it was very much secondary to the emotional and intellectual connection they shared. Married for 37 years to his second wife, Alan has been lonely since she passed away but doesn’t feel that those feelings detract, in any way, from the wonder of the years spent together.

To hear Alan talk more about and his thoughts on compatibility and togetherness watch the video below: