Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Greetings My Little Muttles! How goes it? Do you know what
Pinterest is? You should, so I am going to tell you all about it!

According to Pinterest,
it is a Virtual Pinboard. Pinterest lets you organise
and share all the beautiful things you find on the web. People use pinboards to
plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and organise their favourite recipes.

Think of it as a much more organised and less messy way of
ripping things out of magazines and ‘putting them in a safe place’.

But it is oh so much more!

Pinterest makes me perfect, well, it makes me feel closer to
perfect anyway. Now we all know nobody’s perfect and all that jazz, but far out,
pinning all those wonderful nutritious recipes, crafty things for your kids to
do, ideas for keeping organised, and beautiful interior ideas for your home… makes
me feel like Martha bloody Stewart (without the whole criminal/jail time
thing).

Oh if only I could actually pull all these things off
instead of sitting on my computer or phone pinning things all day. Ahhh the
double edge sword! There is always someone or something out to ruin our fun!

Here is a funny one!

But seriously, according to my pinterest boards and pins, I
am one perfect mother and wife, with the most AMAZING taste in clothes, I am a chef
extraordinaire, interior designer, landscape architect plus I have a wicked
sense of humour! Reality is a different story (apart from the sense of humour
one – that’s true). My laundry basket is too full, my house needs a good dust,
I really should get out of my pyjamas before lunch, I have a floordrobe instead
of a wardrobe, and the best motivation I have to make my house presentable is
if we are having visitors! (Please tell me someone else is like this!?!) Check
out the below – I am pretty sure my husband may have made this e-card! The
proverbial cat is out of the bag now!

Back to the floordrobe thing… I HATE putting clothes away.
Hate is a strong word, but I really don’t think it is strong enough in this
case. Pure hatred runs through my veins when I think about having to put my
clothes away. There could be many reasons for this:

1.I have too many clothes to fit nicely into my
wardrobe. It is a physically draining to fit them all in

2.My wardrobe is too small (this is definitely the
root of the problem). Because I live in an old house, there are no built ins,
so I have an old wardrobe that has two doors. Yep, two! A measly TWO doors. Oh
the shame! It would probably be a feat just to fit my coats, and only my coats,
in there (I have a thing for coats and jackets so I have quite a few).

3.I don’t do laundry often enough, so when I do,
there are SO MANY clothes to put away that it is just way too hard and time
consuming that I put it off because I have better and more important things to do.
Like housework (or pinning, or blogging).

So despite my ramblings about the tiny downside to pinning, I
reckon you should join Pinterest! Just
don’t get too addicted!

Quick whinge - HOW ANNOYING is it when people you are following re-pin the exact thing that you have already pinned, BUT THEY REPIN SOMEONE ELSE'S PIN INSTEAD. I get cut! I am all like 'oh fiddlesticks (who says fiddlesticks?), I pinned that first, give me the recognition as a pinner of fabulous ideas!'

Now, It’s 2:30pm, I haven’t had lunch, I’m still in my pj’s
and my floordrobe needs attention. So I better stop blogging and pinning and
actually PRACTISE WHAT I PIN!

Sunday, 17 June 2012

After receiving some shitty, shitty news, and then the
wonderful generosity that has come from it, I started to reflect on how proud I
am of my home town and of its people. It truly warms my heart to think of the
good that has come from such a horrible situation.

Now by no means do I rate myself as a poet, but these words
just seemed to spew out onto the page. Oh dear, here come the tears. L Anyway, I hope it
makes you appreciate your home town, whether it is the same as mine, or not.

My Fabulous First Inland City

I come from a town that is bagged by some, the weather, the
people, no water, so on,

They can’t wait to leave; they call it a hole, to move
somewhere nice – that is their goal.

Well get on your bike, move away from this town, we don’t need
you constantly bringing us down,

‘Cause this town is great and it stays in your heart, away
for a week, or 10 years apart.

It’s there with its parks and its streets and its mall, that
seedy old nightclub –where we’ve all had a ball,

But it is the people that make it the best, heart so full of
pride it could burst in my chest.

They’ll be there when you laugh, they’ll be there when you
cry, no matter how long, you can always rely,

There’s a bond that you have when you’re from a small town,
it’s nothing to fear, there’s no need to frown.

You’ve known kids since kindy, or high school, from sport,
sneaking out to a party and then getting caught,

Their siblings, their parents and even their nans, their
pops and their cousins it just never ends.

When tragedy strikes or if you’re ever in trouble, you’re
mates from back home will be there on the double,

You might go to uni, you might move away, but a small little
piece of you’ll always stay.

In times of sadness, when you’re falling apart, remember this,
it’ll help warm your heart,

I’m so proud of my fabulous first inland city, but what
first got me thinking is still such a pity.

BessiMac x

PS If you are feeling very generous and haven’t donated
already, every dollar counts and is very appreciated.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Facebook. Fecking Facebook. Time waster extraordinaire.
Annoying, frustrating, beautiful Facebook. What makes it so addictive? Why do
we enjoy sneaking a look into acquaintance’s lives so much? I call them
acquaintances, because admit it – some of your so called Fb friends wouldn’t even
get a hello if you passed them in the street! I admit it. I am a Fb friend to
many, but in reality – not so much. Eh, I am ok with it. I find that once I
admit to things, I feel much better about them. I feel much better about me. Sometimes
I pretend I don’t see people because I don’t want to talk to them. Yep,
BessiMac is a bit of a bitch. Love me for it, you know you want to J.

How many of you have Fb friends that post absolute rubbish? They
annoy the shit out of you. Everything they say makes you want to punch the
screen… but you would NEVER in a million years delete them because HOW FREAKIN
ENTERTAINING ARE THEY!?! And it makes you feel a little bit better about your
totally ‘normal’ yet amazing life!

Or what about the madzers (don’t you love that word? I thank
Marian Keyes for introducing us)
that post dramatic, emo, sympathy generating status updates. Where their
friends say ‘oh no luv, wat happened?’ (vomit) or something along those lines… but
oh no, they would NEVER answer that in a public forum because it is WAAAAAY too
private. WELL NEWS FLASH LOVIE – why post the status in the first place if you
want to be all private and mature!

Then we have the people who post absolutely everything. And
I mean everything. Who actually have cringe-worthy fights with their partner,
ex, enemy, frenemy etc. I get absolutely mortified by this, but I LOVE it all
the same. I remember one that involved an update by the boyfriend and the
girlfriend obviously didn’t know whatever was being broadcast on facebook. So wouldn’t
you know it, out come the c-bombs in the comments section, calling him for
everything because he put it on facebook before telling her! Ummm, how embarrassment.
Did everyone need to know that! Keep the c-bombs behind closed doors! I have to text my friends and say check out
what so and so said *cringe, *giggle. Awful I know – but true all the same. I
LOVE IT!

So I have only ever deleted one facebook friend. It was because
I accepted them as a friend because they have the same name as someone I know –
then I realised it wasn’t who I thought it was. I put up with them for a while
but had to make the big decision to cull them because they filled my newsfeed
with rubbish. Rubbish that wasn’t even entertaining. The hide of them! But couldn’t
you just die when you find out that someone has deleted you as a friend! I limit
my status updates to one a day – even that doesn’t happen all the time. I like
to think I am inoffensive on Fb (give or take an opinion or two). I don’t send excessive
game requests. Why would you want to delete me!! I am REALLY funny and the
thousands of photos of my kids and pets that I upload are just the cutest! …. Oh
wait, I think I might have stumbled across something…

Here is a short list of other things that I love and/or hate
on facebook. You will be able to work out which ones are which.

-Photos of orange fake tans so dark it looks like
you have replaced your teeth with bright white pieces of juicy fruit

-Selfies, where it looks like you are sucking on
a sour lolly and have a cramp in your back and a kink in your neck because WHO
REALLY STANDS LIKE THAT!

Now, just heading off the beaten track a little. Some more
housekeepingin preparation for a future
blog or several about my dear family. Most of you will know who I am, but in
order to maintain some slight privacy from all the madzers out there that will
probably be attracted to this crazed blog, I have some aliases for my fam. I am BessiMac as you know, I am married to #27
(no he isn’t my 27th husband, conquest or anything like that), and
we have a son, Hairbrush (3) and a daughter, Barnaby (4 mths). Our odd children’s
names are what we called them while they were still snug inside my belly, so
cut me a bit of slack :)

Ok my Little Muttles (I think I like this one best), I hope
you enjoyed my facebook rant. Just remember, keep your facebook stalking to
legal levels, watch out for madzers and enjoy the below ecard from www.someecards.comBessiMac x

Oh and a quick favour. Please sign up to follow MUT. Make your status as a Little Muttle official :)

Monday, 4 June 2012

After my first blog post I started to stress that I would
have nothing to write about. I got a fair few supportive texts from friends
saying well done and the like, which was absolutely marvellous. Thank you! But
what if I couldn’t back up my claims? What if I let them down? I started to
panic that I wouldn’t be able to write enough about one topic. But then I
realised I can make my own rules, it didn’t all have to be about one topic and
the stress subsided… a little.

So here comes my second MUT post – First, I forgot to say a
few things in my ‘Welcome’ post. Namely… swearing. I am pre-warning you that I might
swear a bit in these posts. Look, I am no gangster, but a profanity here or
there helps me get my point across and lets off more steam than not swearing.
It is a proven theory. I swear (haha – get it)!! I saw it on Mythbusters. They
proved that you feel less pain if you swear in the process. Brilliant – I know!
The theory, not the show. The show actually shits me. So anyway, don’t be
offended if I swear a little bit.

Now I think my readers need a little nickname. Along the
lines of Gaga’s ‘Little Monsters’. Because I am sooooo assuming my literary
prowess is going to attract just as many Little Mutties (do we like?) as Gaga
has ‘Little Monsters’! Jokes, my Little Muttles (thoughts?).Post any ideas you have below my Little
Muttos (too dogish?). And please participate by posting your comments on my blog,
I know it can be a bit daunting, but it will make this experience a whole lot
better for the both of us. I get feedback, and you make your little
contribution to MUT and get things off your chest. BUT! There is a but. Please,
please, please don’t be nasty. This blog isn’t meant to be nasty in any way,
shape or form. It is meant to be fun, light hearted and entertaining. I don’t
expect everyone to agree with me, or with everyone else, but there are mature
ways and means about expressing this without the need to be nasty. I feel the anonymity
of social media causes us to be a bit nastier than we would normally be, so keep
this in mind please. Ok, stepping off my soapbox now.

Ok, so I hate the term LOL. I hate that people use it as a
sign off to nearly everything and I hate when people speak the word (that
rhymes with doll) as opposed to actually laughing. Bloody hell guys, are we
that lazy that we have to say “lol” instead of having a good ol’ chuckle! Stop
it!Just laugh already. You will feel
much better for it.

But how bad is it when people actually think it means lots
of love!?!? “LOL to all”. I get really embarrassed for people but I can’t bring
myself to actually tell them. So here is my chance. My Unbitten Tongue. LOL
means LAUGH OUT LOUD! Sorry to break it to you. Actually I’m not sorry to break
it to you, I am sorry that you thought the wrong thing for so long L.

Ohhhh and what about when people say “I just lolled” That doesn’t
even make any sense. Stop it, stop it, stop it.

People that know I hate it say it to me all the time, and it
does actually make me laugh out loud. So if you say it, don’t panic that I am
going to go on some kind of rampage and delete you as a Facebook friend or
anything just as bloody horrifying. (Does anyone else get SUPER offended when
someone deletes them as a Facebook friend. Far out, I do – maybe another post
on that one)

I do approve of the term ALOL which in my circle of friends means
‘actually laughed out loud’. It is a bit of an alternative to the good ol’ lol but
it means that you ACTUALLY laughed; as opposed to typing LOL. I really hope MUT
makes you ALOL!

So because I am feeling a bit whingey, I will just keep
going.

I could forehead slap anyone that says my home town is
colder than the snow. People stop here on the way to the snow, hop out of their
heated car with shorts and a t-shirt on, run across to the Paragon for a meal
and then say it’s colder than the snow. No Einstein, it isn’t colder than the
snow. You are just dressed for summer and instead of wearing your snug snow
gear, effective to -20 degrees. Of
course you are going to feel cold. I bet you are the kind of person who also
says they ‘lolled’. Douche! Just rug up, it is winter after all.

On a side note, I really like the word douche. I love using ‘Douche
Bag’ as a bit of an insult, usually in bouts of road rage, and I don’t feel as
bad if it is repeated by small children (which it has been).

Ok my little Muttles/Mutties/Muttos. I will forgive you all
for a few LOLs here and there, but you WILL get a forehead slap if you say
Goulburn is colder than the snow. It’s cold here, but not that cold! BessiMac x

Friday, 1 June 2012

Welcome to My Unbitten Tongue (MUT). My third baby. I have
two other babies, but you will hear plenty more about them later. MUT is my
outlet, my rebellion against manners and that little voice in my head that
tells me to BITE MY TONGUE! Sometimes I think we need to get things off our
chests, get them out there for others to hear, to agree with or disagree with.
I think it’s healthy. I think it’s fabulous to voice your opinion. I have often
been thought of, and described as, someone who voices their opinion in everyday
life, and I am fine with that – but you should hear the things that I keep to
myself! Well, here is your chance. I am over it. I am over keeping my opinions
to myself. I am an educated, knowledgeable, well rounded human being – why shouldn’t
I put it all out there? I keep them bottled up inside most times, like caged
animals, clawing at my mind, whirling around and around in my head. Giving me
that feeling of unfinished business… until I give them enough attention that
they happily slip to the back of my mind, or heatedly slip out into the
universe, usually after a few glasses of wine – and it never comes out the way I
meant it to!

Although, I do have another outlet - I text things to my
friend. I call her my friend even though I am related to her because I agree
with the sentiment that you can’t choose your family but you can choose your
friends. Well, I feel as if I have chosen
her as something more than just a ‘second cousin’ – she is my mate, she gets my
wicked sense of humour and understands that I am not saying things to be nasty,
I am saying it because it is a little bit funny (hopefully) and a lot of other
people are probably thinking it but aren’t going to say it. Even though this
piece of information seems unimportant, it isn’t! It was because of these texts
that I thought to develop this blog, so I felt that I had to pay brief homage
to it.

Anyway, back to it. So, I thought that if my friend finds my
musings hilarious, you might at least find them a tad funny or interesting. So
here we are! Now please don’t think that I consider myself a literary genius
or grammar queen. I am going to make mistakes in my posts and they are going to
make me feel SICK and inferior but I need to get over it. I need to get things
out there. For myself, and hopefully for my reader(s). I am a woman, a mother, a wife, a sister, a
friend, a daughter, an employee, a manager, I love books, wine and all things
pretty, I am a pet owner, an idiot, a stress head, a perfectionist, a lover of being
right and a hater of being wrong, I love sport, I am super competitive, I hate
ironing and washing my hair because it takes too long. So expect posts about a plethora
of things. As someone who is trained in marketing, I know how important it is
to identify your niche and target market, but I am going against all that. I
cannot label myself as merely one of those things, so therefore I cannot classify
my audience as anything more specific than I am.

So here we are. Welcome to my blog. Welcome to My Unbitten
Tongue. A place where nothing is sacred and everything is in-bounds. Grab a
glass of wine. Prepare yourself for a raised eyebrow or two, a grimace here or
there, some giggles, some gasps and hopefully that warm feeling inside that
reassures us that we aren’t the only ones. BessiMac x