Be an Equal Opportunity Offender!

Don’t be a racist! Be an Equal Opportunity Offender instead!

Have your friends, parents, or colleagues ever called you racist merely because you were the middle-man for a semi-racist joke that you thought was funny? Well worry no more with the Sneakily’s Realm Equal Opportunity Offender Card!

That’s right, live your life with confidence knowing that whatever you say or do will never be considered racist again! I mean… how can it be when you try your damnedest to equally offend ALL races?

No longer will you be FROWNED UPON for using the “N-word” when reciting a racist joke that is actually funny. You are actually a person of good character who has many well respected, multicultural friends who’s friendships and/or relationships you’ve cherished for many years. So instead of being accused of exploiting a stereotype for comedic gain, just flash the accuser this handy Equal Opportunity Offender Card; and they will instantly know that they can shut the fuck right up because you’re more than likely going to follow up the previous joke with one about Honkys, Kikes, Beeners, Chinks, Dead Babies… the sky is the limit really.

Instead of living in a world where something so simple as words can bring forth such hate and animosity… let’s change the way we think; use knowledge and understanding to GET THE FUCK OVER IT and advance our society past FUCKING RETARDED! Dave Chappelle was actually quite a racial pioneer, who was really onto something back in his day; unfortunately a bunch of racist suits (pronounced angry, well-off black people) ruined it for the rest of the world who understood that Dave was a man similar to Martin Luther King; a man of true vision… a vision where all races could laugh together in harmony instead of hating each other for stupid shit our ancestors couldn’t get over decades ago. It’s time to move on people!

As I’ve done before with my Certified Awesome Card, I’m listing it below for you to print up on your own because I’m broke and can’t afford to actually have them made to sell here on the site (no, I’m not black you racist piece of shit). Again… if you’d like to help fund them (or donate so I can get something with which I can make them) contact me… or feel free to use the “Donate” button to the right in the menu area. You can also use the handy QR-Code to scan and save it to your phone for even quicker use… instead of storing it in your wallet or whatever. Enjoy, you non-racist bastard!