Skegness set to become European cannabis capital by 2027

Lincolnshire seaside town Skegness looks set to win 2027 plaudits as both clientèle and sales soar into record highs.

It marks an astonishing turnaround in the area sparked by the United Kingdoms re-classification of cannabis in 2019. Low land prices and the abundant Lincolnshire farmland quickly accelerated the seaside resort ahead of major cities sparking a wild investment frenzy, in turn seeing sales increase around 50% year on year as money continues to pour into the area.

But it’s not just cannabis agriculture flourishing, fish and chip sales continue to skyrocket as munchie fuelled revellers spill out from the coffee shops, meanwhile potato prices continue to spike as farmers juggle high-tech cultivation techniques in order to keep up.

With demand and quality so high agriculture powerhouse Bayer-Monsanto has been unable to establish a grip on the area despite genetically engineering potent new strains of cannabis and aggressively bidding for parcels of land.

Councillor Huey Ken-Bake attributes keeping Bayer-Monsanto out to consumer choice,
“We’ve had the red tractor mark of assurance for all our farms for years, the green tractor came in 2020 ensuring we meet similar high standards in cannabis cultivation, people really care about keeping Bayer-Monsanto’s genetic engineering and seed termination out and are clearly voting with their feet”

The aptly named “Fantasy Island” was converted into the world’s largest coffee shop in 2022 sparking another colossal uptick in fast food consumption in the area.

It’s not just on land where massive changes have occurred, fishermen have worked together to re-vitalise their industry using advanced GPS and sonar systems to effectively harvest huge schools of fish, crime rates have plummeted by 88% in the last decade, the most frequent incidents being trivial squabbles over the last remaining cream cake at the local bakeries.

The conditions couldn’t have been better for making great cannabis and it’s left many people wondering why recognition hasn’t come before now despite re-branding efforts early on.

68 year old councillor Huey Ken-Bake reflected on the 2022 decision to update the iconic Skegness logo in line with the towns new world leading industry,

“very little was changed really, all we had to do was update the writing with a modern font, the bloke already looks off his tits so it was a piece of piss”

A special “smoke-ness” festival kicks off on the 27th June 2027 at 16:20 to celebrate the recognition.