Sunday, April 21, 2013

Charlie Sheen felt himself being sucked into this project by the
vortex of the Heidi Fleiss scandal. He was trying to distract his loyal fan
base from his addiction to illicit drugs and prostitutes, so he chose this
unfathomable story in which he is cast as an astrophysicist. He knew it
wouldn’t be a hit; he was in need of money. His brother Emilio Estevez appears
to have been the perfect son, so Charlie had to make his mark somewhere. He
accidentally scored with, like, 5 good movies to finance his more…artistically
edgy choices.

Charlie’s boss at the university turns on him when Charlie
announces that he has intercepted signals from intelligent life in outer space.
(We eventually find out his boss is one of THEM!). Charlie is fired and splits
for Mexico with his girlfriend, who thinks Charlie is paranoid (no kidding).
Charlie is headed south of the border because he’s following the signals from his home
laboratory, which are guiding him in the direction of the aliens. He arrives
during the Day of the Dead celebration, setting a spooky tone for the rest of
the movie.

Some loose ends are never completely woven into the story.
For example, there didn’t seem to be a point to the character of the old
Mexican man who walked his skeleton marionette around the streets. There was a
puzzling scene involving scorpions and the death of a female professor who had
been hitting heavily on Charlie.

Another character worth mentioning is Kiki, a young black
boy who lives with his grandmother in the same neighborhood as Charlie. He
ended up crossing the border with Charlie and his girlfriend, but didn’t feel
like he had to tell his grandmother that he was leaving the country for an
indefinite amount of time with a neighbor they barely knew. These days, the
whole pedophile thing is pretty much out in the open. So would you let your
grandson visit a bachelor in his sci-fi workshop and never check up on him?

Charlie, ya gotta start reading the scripts before you
agree to do the movie. The talent is there, as we’ve seen from your handful of
hits; consistency can be achieved!
Learn to read. Pay someone to read the scripts to you! Most of all, listen to
that little voice inside that is screaming: “NOOOOOO!”