The problem with kids these days is they don't know history. That, and the fact that they're narcissistic monsters. But let's focus on the history point: did you kids know that once, long ago, Starbucks was considered "fancy" coffee?

It's true! Once upon a time leading comedic minds like Jay Leno used to make funny jokes about all of Starbucks' exotic names for their fancy different varieties of coffee-and-milk drinks, and joke "Four dollars for a cup of coffee??" in a wry manner. And people would nod their heads, because in the olden days, Starbucks was just that exotic, and fancy.

Of course, nowadays youngsters know Starbucks only as a hobo headquarters, full of guns and booze. And hobos. The company has spent the last few years engaged in the furious hobofication of its once-snooty brand in an effort to defeat noted artisanal coffee shop McDonald's.

Okay, here's what's happening in the coffee arena: it is bifurcating. Caffeine yuppieism…
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Could Starbucks sink any lower? But of course: soon you'll be able to buy Starbucks in "K-cups," the tiny plastic single-serving coffee cups that allow extremely lazy Americans to make a single mediocre carcinogen-soaked cup of coffee and destroy the environment with the mere touch of a button. No need to travel to a Starbucks location to pay a trained "barista" to properly brew your meticulously sourced cup of java; now you can just put the plastic thing in the thing and hit the button thing.