Remember that bit in one of the Star Trek films (it might have been Nemesis or First Contact, we can’t be bothered googling it) where Jonathan Frakes takes control of the Enterprise, and they’re flying away from some attacking aliens?

Frakes suddenly decides ‘sod it’, utters ‘I’m through running from these bastards’ and then he decides to take complete control of the ship itself by pressing a button, gleefully revealing a Commodore 64 style joystick. Naturally, Frakes is better at controlling the ship than an entire crew filled with professionals that had trained their whole lives to help keep the Enterprise up and running, and he saves the day.

You play a chap called Captain Cole, who looks like a Madame Tussauds statue sculpted by a drunk person and left under some hot lights for too long. Cole starts off fighting other humans in some intergalactic civil war, but then an alien race – excellently named The Grak – decide to get involved too, giving Cole (and by extension you) an excuse to warp around space taking part in gratuitous, very slow battles.

Considering it’s only made by a few people, it’s a good achievement. But alas, that doesn’t part the mustard in an event horizon now, does it?