That image you have of the tough, take-no-prisoners boss who can’t afford to be the “nice guy” in negotiations? It doesn’t have to be like that at all, says lawyer-turned-author Tali Raphaely.

Negotiating is a give and take, says Raphaely.You can ask for things, but you need to offer things in return.

After years of giving advice to family and friends on negotiating, Raphaely recently wrote The Complete Guide On How To Negotiate. “I wanted to write something that didn’t include all the longwinded theory or history, just practical advice,” he says.

People think negotiating equals confrontation. They think it’s going to be a war, with one winner getting what he wants. That doesn’t have to be the case, says Raphaely. You can stand your ground and still be likable.

How?

Raphaely says the biggest mistake people make is not listening. “Don’t assume you know what the other party wants or why they want it,” he cautions. Listen to people and respect their viewpoints and you’ll develop the people skills that don’t come naturally to most, he advises.

For more advice on firm yet fair negotiating tactics, listen to today’s podcast by clicking the iTunes logo below.