Your “WHADDYA MEAN THERE’S NO HOCKEY?!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

The Devil went down to Georgia, and he was looking for a Bears playbook to steal:

Chicago Bears first-round pick Roquan Smith got his team-issued iPad stolen from his 2018 BMW X5 when he went down to Athens to visit people at UGA.

The Bears claim it was password protected, so they were able to remotely wipe it clean.

Because I’m lazy, “In addition to the iPad, the list of items reported stolen includes Smith’s Rose Bowl and National Championship jerseys, his 2017 University of Georgia football helmet, and UGA “Athlete of the Year” trophy.”

There was no forced entry into Smith’s BMW, and according to police, it’s possible the linebacker accidentally left the vehicle unlocked. Some latent fingerprints were collected at the scene.

There is no fucking way I’m using the Primus or Rednex versions.

Despite, or likely because of, only playing eight games in two years, Dr. JJ Watt says he’s “feeling great” & looking forward to starting the season on time.

He claims to have found motivation from his girlfriend, Kealia Ohai, a member of the Houston Dash soccer team who returned from a torn ACL.

No word on the efficacy of her handies, though.

Reuben Foster better ask for a judge versus a jury trial on his domestic assault charges, because she’s got a bombshell: “Elissa Ennis told police he threw her dog across a room during an argument.”

Sadly, some people might forgive giving a woman a smack, but no one forgives hurting a dog.

Reminder: Foster allegedly hit her 10 times and smashed her phone as she was calling 911.

She has since recanted, but one of the key witnesses for the prosecution is the driver of a car she flagged down & whose phone she borrowed to call 911.

Reminder: don’t read the comments attached to PFT’s story. Oof.

The preliminary hearing, which a judge uses to determine if a case goes to jury trial, is set for May 17.

Ingram is due to make $4 million – which is now $3 million after the four games missed – this season.

Ingram will be allowed to participate in all of the Saints’ offseason work, training camp and the preseason, but he is choosing not to to pursue his contract demands.

Finally, Mike James was denied permission by the League to use marijuana as a pain-relief medication to avoid opiates. This would matter if Mike James had someplace to play in 2018.

The important thing to learn from the story – and I’m surprised it’s coming from one of their media lackeys – is that it’s quite easy to skirt the test, and as long as law enforcement doesn’t get involved a player is home-free to use weed during the season, and is why the NFLPA doesn’t want to change the current policy:

Players who understand how the substance-abuse policy works and when the window for annual substance-abuse testing opens realize that, if they stop smoking in approximately the middle of March and refrain until their once-per-year test (the window opens on 4/20 and lasts until early August), they can smoke with impunity throughout most of training camp, most of the preseason, and all of the regular season and postseason. As long as a given player avoids landing in the substance-abuse program, the player can use marijuana as much as he needs or wants in order to deal with pain or simply because he likes it.

As a follow-up to my DFO University treatises on lagers & ales, the World Beer Cup was held in Nashville last weekend. (Mental note: follow up on gin vs. vodka draft)

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

My ordering on ties is alphabpetical order on team names. as far as I know there’s no way to accurately choose one over the other.

the only other tie I can think of any difference is the one between the chiefs and jets, because the chiefs won other afl titles. I was thinking I could add a value of .001 to the averages for afl titles, but only for that instance would it make a difference.

the other 3 ties (cowboys/patriots, broncos/raiders, seahawks/buccaneers) would still be the same.

You Must Be Logged In To Vote0You Must Be Logged In To Vote

May 8, 2018 11:37 pm

Brick Meathook

Here’s how to calculate the top spot on a state-of-the-art Deci-Lon slide rule.

You Must Be Logged In To Vote1You Must Be Logged In To Vote

May 8, 2018 11:53 pm

Brick Meathook

This might be the first thing I’ve ever calculated on a slide rule.

You Must Be Logged In To Vote0You Must Be Logged In To Vote

May 8, 2018 11:55 pm

Unsurprised

What the hell is a top spot?

You Must Be Logged In To Vote0You Must Be Logged In To Vote

May 9, 2018 12:00 am

Brick Meathook

The top spot in the spreadsheet above. Green Bay has 13 titles in 97 years for a 7.462 average.

So, had an idea today. the old sports argument of which franchise was better, which one had more titles, which one had more superbowls, yadda yadda…

So I sought to create a spreadsheet, averaging titles won vs years of existence. I’m willing to give pre merger titles the same weight as super bowl titles, and i’ve awarded the nfl titles from 1966-1969 to the respective Superbowl winners. I am in no way including AFL titles, because I strongly feel they lack the prestige of the nfl titles. Behold:

yeah I know it has the packers first, but honesty I don’t care that much. You will notice my list doesn’t include the 10 teams to not either win an nfl championship or a superbowl. (suck it vikings fans)

there’s an argument I heard, That while worded poorly, nonetheless shares my sentiment.

titles won before the superbowl were won knowing full well the conditions necessary to win a title.

1947 the chicago cardinals knew what they had to do to win a champion ship: get a good enough record to make the playoffs, and win any any playoff games and/or championship games. In 19 47 The Cardinals accomplished this

1990-1993 the buffalo bills knew what they had to do to win a champion ship: get a good enough record to make the playoffs, and win any any playoff games and/or championship games. The buffalo bills did not accomplished this

that’s the difference in my opinion. if i wasn’t so lazy I’d look up more fancy words for what I said

C’mon man…I’ve already mean (for no reason) to Redshirt and his people, and now you expect me to say “It’s her favorite position!” about Converse Indian Giver? Well, I will NOT do that. Good day to you, sir.

What’s the deal with buying “unlocked” phones? Like, our work has an account with Sprint (I have no idea what the benefit to this agreement is) and I need to get two guys smart phones — they’re old and i can’t get away with allowing them to use flip phones any longer. But since they aren’t “eligible” , is this where I just go online and buy an unlocked one? And then, what, just take it down to Sprint and have it hooked up? Is it that simple?

The DFO Promise

We are The Commentist Party, refugees from another site that have banded together to create a safe place to hang out. This is a nice site, a place for civil discourse and dick jokes. If you want to stay at a fun joint with liveblogs during football games and a great community, we’re ecstatic to have you. Unfortunately, if you leave offensive material in the comments, we’ll have to send you home. Commenting here is a privilege, not a right.

The name of the Washington Football Team is a grating slur that pisses us off every time we see it. So now, they are the Washington [*Redacteds] in the comments.

Sign In or Whatever

DFO FAQ

Q: I signed up for your dumb site, why can't I comment?
A: We approve every Commentist by hand, because we're looking to create a fun community here.
Q: I jumped through your sign-up hoops and you approved me - why isn't my comment there?
A: We also approve the FIRST comment by each Commentist. That weeds out a lot of the spammers that irritate everybody. It sucks, but that's the world we live in.

Archives

Archives

×

Search for:

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.