Quotes from Mothers

Childbirth Connection's landmark national Listening to Mothers surveys
focus on those who care most about maternity issues: mothers
themselves. The surveys cover the time from planning pregnancy through
the postpartum period, and shed light on women's attitudes, beliefs,
preferences and knowledge, as well as family and employment life and
the maternity care that mothers and babies receive. Thousands of
mothers who participated in our surveys were invited to provide
detailed comments to open-ended questions about their best and worst
experiences while giving birth and anything else they wanted to tell us
about their maternity experience. A remarkable number of mothers shared
vivid and moving stories, observations, and opinions that bring their
experiences to life. These selected quotes presented by topic suggest
the broad range of women's experiences and convey the true, strong
emotion behind our survey results.

Please note: the quotations on
this page reproduce the women's exact words, though we have in some
cases corrected spelling and punctuation.

Maternity Caregivers

It was very disappointing to discover that my ob/gyn would not see me
until the 12th week when they would start prenatal care. This is
because insurance only pays a set amount per pregnancy/delivery....
This is when serious damage can be done to the fetus and the mother
should be under care and not left on her own. This was not really a
problem for me because I knew what to do and how to get information
from other sources. However, higher-risk mothers should not be left
alone for this period.

I feel like I am a lucky person to have a doctor that I trust as much
as I do. I am comfortable asking her any question and if she is unsure
in any way she will ask someone else and get back to me. She cares for
me as a whole person. I am very lucky to have found her and have her
involved in very important decisions in my life and the lives of my
children.

I just didn't like the fact that I had 8 people seeing me during the
pregnancy. I had no idea which one would be delivering my baby. Turns
out the person who delivered my baby had only interacted with me ONCE
during the many ob/gyn visits...so I wasn't that comfortable with her
anyway.

I was well informed and well cared for by my homebirth-midwife. She
gave me many options and I kept myself well informed and read before
and during my pregnancy.

The staff was so supportive, and my doctor really believed in me.
I might've had a c-section with a different practitioner, but my doctor
and the staff knew I did not want surgical intervention unless there
was some kind of emergency.

I totally, totally recommend midwives. They are SO MUCH more involved.
They coach you, console you, and don't force you to do things you don't
want to. (medical intervention) They don't just show up at the last
second to pull the baby out. They actually care!

...caregivers who respect the family unit and women's needs go a long
way to setting the stage for the baby to enter the family with dignity
and purpose.

Expectations from TV

It was a wonderful experience. It was not at all as painful and
dramatic as they show on TV during Maternity Ward or things like
that.... I did not do all that screaming. It's about control and being
calm.

After watching several maternity programs, I am very pleased with the
delivery options at my little hospital. The staff there reads and
follows the birth plan, unless there is a medical reason to override,
and then the reasons are fully explained. Pain medication is not
pushed, rooming-in is not only allowed but encouraged, they let you
have as long as you want after delivery to bond before taking
measurements, fully support breastfeeding, the list can go on.

Support During Labor

The best thing about my experience was my midwife always telling me
what was going on and being there as support for me, and my husband
being the best coach and support system for me. The nurses were all
helpful answering any questions I ever had and never made me feel
stupid for any stupid questions I might of asked.

Aside from meeting the baby ... the best thing about my delivery was
the care I received from my doctor. She was really focused on me and my
comfort. She stayed with me the entire delivery and personally saw to
my care. For example, she rubbed my back and helped me become as
comfortable as possible in the whirlpool tub.... I knew that she would
be the one to deliver my baby because she said she would come in even
though it was her vacation.... During my past deliveries the doctor
'called the shots' by telephoning and arriving just in time to catch
the baby. It really wasn't a personal relationship.

The midwife and nurses that assisted with the birth were excellent in keeping me calm and comfortable.

I believe if I'd had someone there to encourage me I could have had a
non-medicated birth, which is what I had planned for throughout the
pregnancy.

Labor Induction

I had a lot of pressure from the nursing staff to take Pitocin and to
have an epidural. I felt like the birth experience was severely
impacted by this pressure, as if the most important thing to the nurses
was for me to have the baby quickly. My doctor is a big fan of
induction, which is not my cup of tea. I had an induction with my
first child and wanted desperately to avoid one this last time.
Luckily I was able to.

I think that my induction and delivery went very well. I have no complaints.

I wanted to have a more natural birth, but the induction took longer
than we planned. I was tired and we started the epidural along with the
Pitocin.

The worst thing was when they had to give me Pitocin. It gave me really
strong contractions and they didn't let up until I pushed the baby out.

Labor Pain

I was ... impressed with just how much pain I could tolerate and I found myself to be a stronger woman than I thought.

I had a great epidural, so I didn't feel ANY pain. The doctor was
willing to incorporate some of my ideas during the delivery. ...I was
also allowed to pull my baby the rest of the way out and lay her on my
chest. That was a great experience.

The doctor that administered my epidural only gave me Lidocaine through
the tube because of my rapid labor and she wanted me to have the
ability to push. I never had a problem before that, and thinking
back on it, I should have been more aggressive as to my pain management
options since that did little to relieve my pain.

Taking a labor class is a good idea, even if you do plan on taking some
type of pain killers, because women need to know all their options.

If I would have been given more info on other methods and these methods
were stressed as much as epidural, I would NOT have had an epidural.

Vaginal Birth

I was able to give birth naturally with no medical assistance. I didn't
have an IV, medication, or any assistance. I was able to do it myself!

It gave me a sense of pride and built my self-esteem to be able to say that I gave birth to my daughter.

I was amazed and overwhelmed at the same time, at the fact that the human body was capable of such a glorious feat.

I have delivered all naturally with both of my children and it was a
wonderful experience. I felt in control and felt strong and felt that a
natural childbirth was best for me and my baby.

Cesarean/Repeat Cesarean

I was forced to have a c-section because of a prior c-section (1st baby
was breech). Hospital did not allow VBACs.... The closest hospital
willing to do a VBAC is 2 hours away.

This second one was especially easier because it was a planned
cesarean.... No stress, no worries about when labor would start, just
go in looking and feeling beautiful and have a baby.

I would've...preferred if the doctor would've waited a little longer
for me, to have a natural childbirth instead of...being rushed into the
c-section. The recovery of the cesarean was way too painful.

I feel that I was railroaded into labor, pain medication and
subsequently a cesarean section. The baby then had to be protected by
my husband from a spinal tap immediately after birth. I did not get to
hold my baby for hours after birth. It was not enjoyable only
interfered with by health care workers.

VBAC

I had an easier time with this labor. Since my previous pregnancy ended
in C-section birth, I was pleased with the fact that I successfully
attempted a VBAC, resulting in a much more pleasant birth and
postpartum.

I changed OBGYN's at 32 weeks because my first one was unsupportive of me having a VBAC.

Other Labor Interventions

The worst thing was being given an episiotomy. I wasn't told or given a
choice, but I think that was because I either wasn't pushing hard
enough or the baby was too big. Also, I didn't like the fact that after
they had to give me the catheter.

I always hated that I had to be attached to machines the entire time and I was not allowed to walk around.

My first was borderline on being big and they wanted to do a c-section,
but I refused. With my second they made me do a c-section whether I
wanted to or not. They said that the baby was too big and that no
doctor in California would deliver natural, so I did a c-section.

My first delivery I had a nurse yelling at me that I had to push, and
this time around...it was the same scenario. A nurse that had not been
in my room the whole time was there, yelling at me, telling me that I
had to push.

Choice, Control, Decision-making and Expectations

I really wanted to walk around as I had with my first child's labor,
but I wasn't allowed to. And I would have labored in a different
position if I had been allowed to. I also would have loved a
water birth, but my doctors and my insurance will not provide for one.

You can't possibly make the best decisions for yourself if you don't
have every scrap of information available.

Nobody explained to me why I [could not] eat or drink while I was in
labor. I did not eat for 15 hours and was so weak while pushing
during the delivery. I think it's the right of the patient to
have information as to what's going on and not wait for what's going to
happen. Patients should not ask -- they should be fed with facts
and explanations on everything [the caregivers] are doing, especially
if it's a first time mother.

My goal, this time, was to not get pressure about doing anything
against my wishes because my first birth was a genuine nightmare with
unnecessary induction, tons of drugs and medical students watching me
push! I stayed home most of the labor to make sure I wouldn't get any
of that. And I didn't, everything was perfect. It's all in choosing the
right doctor first.

[The nurses] fed [my baby] formula without ever consulting me about
what the feeding plan was. I would have of course wanted them to
feed her if necessary but I should...have been consulted.

Opinions on Impact of Malpractice Environment

I had to switch OB's because the one I had was going out of business
because of the price of malpractice insurance. He could no longer
afford to deliver babies, which he loved and was good at... I think
this is happening all over, and I think something should be done.

I really appreciated being given the chance to avoid a c-section the
second time. I think it is a terrible shame that so many doctors won't
even give VBAC as an option because of all of the malpractice suits.

I was lucky to have had a good experience. I think the ob/gyn docs have
a very hard career and the malpractice issue makes it much harder.

Postpartum Experience in Hospital

THAT was awesome. To this day, I can recall that moment and that
wonderful feeling of holding her right away. I got to have the bonding
time needed with the baby.

The worst thing was being separated from my baby for more than 5 hours.
The first reason was that because she was a large baby her blood sugar
needed to be stabilized. Then it was excuse after excuse with
things that could've either waited or been done in my room. I
told them I did not want my baby given a bottle, but they did it
anyway. Since I had a cesarean section, I was unable to go to my
baby in the nursery. I still get emotional when I think about it.

Breastfeeding/Bottlefeeding

The best thing was being able to breastfeed my baby as soon as I was taken to the recovery room.

The hospital staff was very supportive and helpful in learning how to nurse my child.

And to top it off I had some nurse trying to pressure and scare me into
giving my baby formula when I expressed that I was going to breastfeed
only. She would say things like she's not getting enough to eat and if
she doesn't gain any weight by the time you're discharged, we're going
to keep her here for failure to thrive.

I did not have any preparation or classes in breastfeeding and was
completely ignorant and overwhelmed when it came time for me to try.

Postpartum Physical Health

C-section was a long painful experience to recover from after birth. I was sore and couldn't walk [very well] for a good week.

I would much rather have the day of labor pain than the weeks of
recovering from major surgery with a newborn to take care of. With my
first daughter I labored for 21 hours of back labor and looking back
that was a piece of cake compared to recovering from surgery.

Having the episiotomy [was the worst thing about my birth experience]. It really made healing a lot more difficult.

Postpartum Mental Health

I think more young women, and women in general who are pregnant, should
be made aware of what emotions will come upon you after you deliver,
and that it's something a lot of women go through - the Baby Blues.
Nobody told me about this with my first child until after the fact. I
think we really need to touch base with all...mommies to see how they
are feeling mentally. Mothering is an overwhelming job, especially if
you're in it alone [or if your husband works all day and you are on
your own].

I have the most beautiful little boy on earth, but it shocks me how depressed I still am 11 months later.

Having suffered post-partum depression with my first child, I knew what
to look for with my second child, but still felt a bit 'outside the
box'. PPD is still a disease that is very much neglected, swept under
the rug, etc. Everyone expects you to be deliriously happy, and while
you are happy at times, the PPD is overwhelming and you often feel very
alone in your suffering. A support group through the hospital would be
an excellent resource.

Other Postpartum Challenges

Besides meeting our newest member of our family the best thing about my
child's birth was the closeness that it brought my and my husbands
marriage. This was to be our last child and now our family is complete.
We have four children. It was sad in a way knowing that this would be
the last time I experienced the miracle that is pregnancy and having a
newborn but it also made it very special because I tried to enjoy and
remember every moment.

I just had sooo many medical bills afterward. With my previous
pregnancies I had a different insurance and it paid more maternity
benefits. This time my husband and I paid our OB/Gyn every month and
still owed them a lot of money afterwards. Also we owed labs and had
several different charges/bills that could not be combined from the
hospital. ...Now every month I am making payments to 14 different bills.

Transition to Employment/Decision to Stay at Home

I don't think society and the medical field are in sync with one
another. Our country does not provide enough money or time off
for working parents to care for their babies once they are born, and we
are not given enough time in the hospital. I was very fortunate
in that I had a very easy and problem free pregnancy and
labor/delivery, however I do not think we are given enough time to heal
emotionally and physically after birth.

I find it unfortunate in the US the lack of support for new mothers,
especially working mothers. I have chosen to breastfeed based on
the benefits for my child, however while at work, I must pump in a
janitor closet. When I brought this up before I returned to work,
the HR representative did not see this as a problem. I believe
companies should provide clean, comfortable places for women who choose
to breastfeed.

Children are our future, and mothers have to go back to work because
they can't afford not to most of the time...I think the government
should give us an option to be paid 80% of our pre-baby salary to stay
home with our kids for at least a year.

The biggest concern since I gave birth is how VERY far behind the U.S.
is with providing paid maternity leave, and the length of maternity
leave compared to its counterparts (i.e., Europe, Canada, etc.).

Experience of Mothering/Motherhood

[The best part of giving birth is] the pride I have in myself for
accomplishing such a huge thing. I know women do it everyday and it
really isn't that big of a deal to a lot of people, but every woman is
terrified the first time and wonders 'Can I do it?' Then when you
actually do it, you feel so proud and capable of accomplishing anything
- painful or not.

It was both easier and harder than I expected. I knew I
would be tired and unsure of myself and scared, but I also didn't know
just how much I would love my little girl and how much joy she gives me.

After my first delivery, I was very upset because I had had to have the
cesarean and at that time no one was allowed in OR for delivery. I felt
like a failure because I was unable to deliver my baby and I also felt
I cheated my husband and mom of seeing their first born child and
grandchild's birth.

Childbirth is a trial by fire. It is most physically and emotionally
intense and challenging thing I have ever been through in my life.
Getting through it made me feel like superwoman, like, wow, if I can
get through that, I CAN DO ANYTHING!!

I am just a new person from it all. And I've never had such happiness or love in my heart.

Motherhood is the most wonderful, frustrating, gratifying, maddening thing I've ever done in my life.

Listening to Mothers

All of these quotes are taken from open-ended questions from our national Listening to Mothers
surveys. To learn more about women's childbearing experiences in the
United States for 2005, including the rates of specific interventions,
pressure in hospitals, and level of awareness of risks, visit our
Listening to Mothers section and download the free Executive Summary to
get an idea of the contents of the full report.

Founded in 1918, Childbirth Connection has joined forces with and become a core program of the National Partnership for Women & Families. Together, these two women's health powerhouses are transforming maternity care in the United States.

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