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Monday, 16 July 2007

Much like how my life has changed, and everyone around me. I woke up at 6am, and the first thought that ran thru my mind was how my parents had aged. They had been working their *** off ever since us 3 brothers were born. Probably even before. Just for a hope for a better education for us.

If not for Lee Foundation, i would not even be studying medicine. Typical chinese family, studying medicine seems like the greatest achievement a chinese can get. Haha. I guess we did made our grandma really proud for me and my brother to be on our way to become doctors. I still remember how she smiles each time i told her i got an A in an exams. That was the greatest reward for me each time.

How time has aged my grandma. I remember she was a rather plump woman years before when us 3 were still small. Now each time i got back, she seems to have lost more weight. She always say she didn't have appetite to eat much. Maybe it's because of her diabetes as well. The last time i was back, she had to sent her urine to check for microalbuminuria. Once it appears in the urine, it's a sign that the kidneys are beginning to fail. There is no 'cure', only delaying the inevitable kidney failure 5,10 years down the road. I didn't ask how the results was. I don't know if i really want to know.

Her eyesight wasn't getting better. Diabetic retinopathy. She's losing sensation in her feet. Diabetice neuropathy. She hasn't eaten anything even remotely sweet in years. Imagine eating bland food, drinks without sugar for the rest of your life. Occasionally she would get a sip of some soft drink, or just something sweet like a bite of ice cream. That's the only sweetness her tastebuds can taste. I know i shouldn't be letting her, but i can't bear to stop her.

Last time we were hyperactive kids running around outside the house and she would always chase us with a spoon of our dinner. Haha. Grandma had been the one taking care of us 3 brothers all the time while our parents went to work. Now, it is time for us to take care of her.

How time has aged my parents. From my first day in primary school, till now. They have always been there. The proudest moment i remember was in Standard 4, when i made a clean sweep of most of the trophies given for academic excellence. More than 10 i guess. Jeng Khay told me i beat him by just one trophy. Haha. They are all displayed on a big cabinet facing our house's front door. Typical chinese family. Haha.

Now years on, my parents were showing signs of the times. Wrinkles had started to show on their faces. My mum used to pluck her white hair, and everytime i would be eager to help her. That was like 5,6 years ago. She has since stopped plucking her white hair. There's just more and more of them. She's just dyeing her hair black every once in a while now.

Dad's hair is thinning. The last time i had my haircut at our ol' faithful barber, he told me my hair is just like my dad's, thinner on the crown, and when i get old my hair will bald like his. It was a shock to me, to know some day i will be bald. But then i realised, my dad's already there.

How time has grown me and my brothers up. We used to be kids playing Lego and Lasy together, roleplaying our numerous soft toys, fighting over who should play the computer. Ah the days of innocence. We are all grown up now, the youngest celebrating his 18th birthday in 3 months time.

Us 3 brothers have been separated from each other for a few years now, since i left home to study in college. The only way we communicate now is thru MSN. And i've been playing an online game with my younger bro these days. Guess that's the only way to bridge the distance.

As i woke up today, my mind was replaying the scene when my older brother crossed the checkpoint and left on his plane to Melbourne. I remember me, my younger brother, parents, and our relatives sending him off. As we lost sight of him past the checkpoint, we went to the viewing gallery and watch as his tram took him to the departure area.

Next year, my brother would have graduated. Then it will be my turn to be on the plane. In my mind i saw myself, carrying a big backpack, luggage in stow, walking towards the departure gate. I felt sad.

How time has made the distance between friends grow. What used to be close friends in primary, secondary school, now are just acquaintances. A few who are still close by stayed in contact, but those faraway were less and less heard. All of us are busy with our own things, and we gotta move on with our lives. Make new friends, lose old ones. Except i don't believe we really lose our friends. The only thing we lost is contact, but our friends are always there.

Soon, one of my closest friends, Wy Keat will be leaving for Edinburgh. He's already survived IMU Bukit Jalil, that lucky bastard. Haha. He's the guy who brought me beer on my 20th birthday. Made me drink and got my face red and everyone was laughing at me at my surprise party. Haha. I got another can of beer he gave in my fridge still. Though we don't really see each other much even in the same uni, soon i won't even get to see him for years. Man. Next year i won't even be seeing most of my friends in uni now. Sigh.

Some day before exams i got a nudge on MSN from someone i hadn't expected. Well, it was 5am in the morning. Haha. Both of us still hasn't slept yet, he finishing up his assignment, me studying at the last minute. The first time we ever chatted with each other since we left EC. He said i looked different. I'll say he looked the same. Haha. Seems like he's getting himself really busy with uni and other stuff. I guess everyone is =).

Funny that he would nudge me at that time, maybe coz i was the only one awake besides him lol. Still, it's really nice to hear from him again. He lightened up my gloomy studying hours. Benjamin Yap Jake Eu. You still got my name wrong. Haha =P.

Sunday, 15 July 2007

You know you have grown up when you wake up at 6 in the morning and think about your life so far.

It's 5.43am in the morning and i woke up.

It's very rare for me to wake up after the first alarm, let alone before. But somehow today, i only slept for 3 hours. The shortest time i have slept in a day for almost forever. Yet i guess this is the soundest sleep i got in a long long time.

--

Our third exams in 3 months, Renal ICA. Won't comment on the paper, but i guess i could have studied the stuff i thought weren't important. Principles of drug treatments. I totally did not remember anything from there, i thought it was just common sense. Turns out i don't have common sense. Haha. I didn't even know how to answer the questions. Ah well.

Just a few days before my exams, i got my biology clock screwed up. Began sleeping later and later each day, until the day before exams, i slept at 10am. Wasn't planning on sleeping, but i gave up. Bound at home with an ankle sprain for 2 weeks, i have nothing to do at home besides study and turn on my computer. I could almost die at home if i study just a little bit more. I was at my threshold of studying. Any more and i'll lose my mind.

Which is why after the exams, i felt relieved. I forgot how this felt like, to have passed another hurdle. It just seems the run stretched forever, infinite hurdles before me. I did not stay for the 'feedback' session (more like answer-giving session -.-). I just could not care what the answers are. I felt.. free.

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We got our Repro ICA results right after the exams. 126 of 180 in my batch got A, 30+ got A- (according to Chia Huan's blog, i didn't check). Scary. It puts so much pressure on us to study harder, especially us who're going to PMS. I admit i was intimidated. I hadn't been doing as well as most people since i came into IMU, frankly. My results fluctuate like the temperature here. Probably cause i wasn't the consistently hardworking type.

I got my first consecutive A ever since i came into IMU.

I can't say how happy i was. This meant a lot to me. Forget the fact that probably this is just another A for those straight A students, forget the fact that maybe more than half the batch got the same thing. I studied more than i could for this semester, i tried not to slack. 2 weeks of solid studying before exams. It paid off. As i took the lift down, i celebrated my results for the first time ever in my life. It was just an A in one paper, but it meant everything to me.

You see, by the end of this semester, our matching would start. We would be needed to list down our choice of Partner Medical Schools (PMS) to do our clinical phase. Seeing that my results from Sem1 to Sem3 were inconsistent at best, this semester's exams are my last hope. If i continued my trend of A,B,B-,A-,B+ in sem3, i would have no hope to get my first 3 choice at all.

Just another one for Renal. I need just one more.

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End of Renal means the we're reaching the end of Sem4. What's left is selectives, which we ALL will be doing History of Medicine. Not much of a 'selectives', eh. But it does seem pretty interesting. Learning how medicine changed, how it came to be the knowledge we're learning today.

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

Stuck in my room by a ligament in my ankle that's probably torn. This gonna take longer to heal than i thought. Lateral ankle still swollen. I could feel the water in my edematous feet yesterday when i walk around. Scary. Like it's gonna burst anytime. Lol.

Second degree lateral ankle sprain. Seems like i sprained my anterior talofibular and calcaneofibular ligament. Severity 10/10 last night. I was literally groaning on the floor. Couldn't sleep at all when the pain is overriding all my other senses, like a bad dream that won't go away. The last time i felt this bad was when i fractured my right wrist. And before that when i had a piece of my thigh's tendon excised for my eye's plastic surgery. Not fun.

Woke up a couple of times sweating. Maybe it's because of the paracetamol that i took. Didn't seem to help much. Geez. Then again they might have expired .. they were from when i had dengue and the doctors overdosed me with paracetamols.

As of today, i have skipped 1 PBL, 1 histopatho lab and 3 lectures. Can't even study since Monday with the pain in my ankle. Sigh.

Thanks for all who showed their concern, it's really heartwarming even if it's just asking how's my ankle =). Blardy sprained ankle.

Tuesday, 3 July 2007

Geez. Got injured during basketball practice last night. Within just 2 hours, my lateral ankle ballooned up. Could hardly even walk. Hafiz and Wei Loong said it'll hurt like hell. I thought it was just a minor sprain.. ahh me and my ego.

Not the first time i sprained my ankle tho. A pretty old injury last year i guess when i landed badly during some jump in wushu. I hope this isn't as bad as that time.. it took a couple of months to fully recover. But then that's because i keep injuring it during wushu after that. Haha, i just can't stop injuring myself -.-

Hmm isn't human body the most amazing thing. Able to withstand so much torture we put ourselves to everyday. Hehe. Funny how something as small as cells can work together to sustain each other, enabling our bodies to function efficiently. Never fails to amaze me. It's like our bodies are the most efficient, self-maintaining machinery we can ever imagine.

Anyway, finally got to watch Transformers last Friday. The few movies i actually really look forward to. I still remember watching the cartoon series when i was young.. but can't seem to recall anything about it now. All i remember was my creative big brother took some Lasy pieces and made Transformers out of them. Haha. I was never the creative one in the family. Shucks.

Back to the movie.. everyone think it's the bestest movie of the year. Shoot me, but besides the transformation from various things into robots, nothing else bout it impressed me. Predictable story, cheesy jokes, boring humans. Perhaps i had extremely high expectations of it. Or maybe i just wasn't in the movie mood. Either way, the movie was good, just that i didn't feel it blew me away like it did everyone else. Yawn.

ps - from the news, it seems like hazy days are coming again. Apparently forest fires in Sumatra again. Time to drink more water everyone.. with so many people already falling sick in our batch =/