Saturday, August 11, 2012

What It's All About

I wrote the following post on my blog Menopausal Mumma the other day. You will see at the bottom that I said I didn't want to over share, and that's right, on that blog I don't want to, but I have decided to do just that on this blog to see if it helps me on my journey to acceptance of diabetes and ultimately my improved health - physical and mental.

Who am I, well that is a good question, you can read the about me, but that it just the fluff piece, the real me, is kind of a control freak, kind of suffering from mild anxiety, an extroverted introvert with a small group of very good female friends, both in real life and here in cyberspace. I am struggling to come to terms with having a chronic illness/disease and while it is no where near as horrible as cancer or the like, to me it is still 'doing my head in'.

If you chose to comment, please feel free to do so, especially if you are on the same journey, for something I have found out, is though there is a great diabetes network in Western Australia, there doesn't seem to be a support group of any kind.

So, in an attempt to overcome my needle phobia and come to terms with dealing with that and the whole D2 bullsh** I went to a psychologist the other day.

Once I got over the whole, oh my God he is a parody of what anyone would think a psychologist should look like, picture longish greying hair, goatee, black turtleneck skivvy under jacket (thankfully no leather patches on the elbows), 6 silver bangles on one wrist, earring in one ear and a bust of someone (Freud??) on his filing cabinet, he turned out to be an okay sort of guy and we had a meaningful discussion.

Although he started it by asking me to choose somewhere to sit while he popped out to the loo. So I did the whole, oh crap does that mean something, like if I choose the wrong chair it means I am a psychopath, or should I lie down on the chesterfield leather couch dilemma, I chose the yellow wing chair as it looked comfortable.

So one of the things he has asked me to do is to journal how I feel just prior to giving myself my injection so I can bring it back to him so he can understand and help me understand what exactly is going on. Sure no worries, except, what if I get it wrong?? But then, is there a right or wrong, it is not a test, or is it? Sure no worries, but how do you put down in words things I find hard to explain to myself.

Maybe sharing it here is the wrong thing, but somehow cyberspace seems to listen and it helps me to know that someone is listening, even if they don't comment, in fact comments can be over-rated and sometimes I get anxious wondering what people will say or really think.

I know that I won't write it all here, I don't want to over share, or to bore the pants of people who pop over to read. But today, I seem to need to share what I wrote, I certainly am not looking for sympathy or comments, I am just putting it out into the Universe.