Monday, May 9, 2011

So in lieu of the fact we spent quite literally all day in the car (we looked at an apartment and applied for some jobs two hours away. Moving is fun!), we are taking it easy tonight on the cleaning, packing, and organizing. So I figured I'd hack out a new blog for you guys. And so, because the computer is acting up (apparently the hard drive is going) and won't let me open Microsoft Word or Movie Maker so I can work on our Flood Watch video, I'm going to do a little written version of my "This is Going to Get Ugly" segment. Cue the Megadeth intro!

Today we are going to talk about Lady Gaga. Now, I've been avoiding talking about her because 1) it's too damn easy 2) As a metalhead/classic rocker, I can already hear the whining about how "mean" I am and how I don't "get her", 3) I have friends that like Lady Gaga, 4) I try to respect people's opinions on music even if I personally loathe that particular thing and 5) I don't listen to pop music, and for the most part, don't like it, therefore, I don't feel particularly qualified to talk about it. That being said, I think we need to have a little talk about this particular song, Ms. Gaga.

Now Ms. Gaga, or Lady, whatever you prefer, I think it's time we had a chat. And no, I think enough people have pointed out the whole debacle about this song sounding like this one and this one. I'm not even going to talk about the awful "Born this Way" single cover that looks like a bad Photoshop rip off of the Painkiller cover. It's okay, I'll leave that one alone for now. We're going to talk about your song "Judas".

You can say what you like about my musical tastes, and how I should shut my cake-hole, as I am not a fan of pop music to begin with. But honey, this is a horrible mess. First off, let's talk about the autotune. To be honest with you, I didn't understand a single word you said while that shitty gimmick was being used. It's awful, and we both know you're better than that. I've heard you sing with none of this noise accompanying you, and you've got a decent set of pipes on you. So why you use that horrible autotune is beyond me. And don't give me that "everyone else is doing it!" B.S, I'm a mom, that shit doesn't fly with me.

Second, we need to do something about that background noise. That's all it is, an ugly jumble of noise. The chorus is fine (maybe because it sounds more like that other artists, whatshersname?), but everything else is just a discordant mess . And the chanting and yowling? I'm unsurprised, but still disappointed. That's just a lazy way to make filler that sounds like it has some meaning. I have no problem with such things, but when it takes up half the song, it really feels like you just wanted to pad it out because you don't actually have anything to say but needed to fill time.

Okay, and here's the big one. I didn't want to bring this up again after I mentioned it earlier, but we have to talk about this lyrics, Lady. After I looked them up because I didn't understand half of them, the other half that isn't lazy padding is... problematic. Now, I know you come from a genre where songs don't really need to have any kind of meaning, and I understand that. What I'm saying is that be that as it may, a bunch of incoherent thoughts and biblical references thrown randomly together does not a song make. Now I know you're going for the whole shock value thing, being all controversial and such, but at least make a statement that we can understand. Speaking of the shock value, the whole releasing the single around Easter. Now I'm not some evangelical bible-thumper or anything. I believe what I do and respect other people's beliefs and would never seek to push my own agenda on others. But really? Releasing a song called "Judas", with that accompanying video, around Easter? I think that might be a little much, even for you. But perhaps that's just my opinion and I will digress.

I'm not going to talk abut the video. I'm just going to pass along the suggestion that maybe you should look into some new dance moves. It's just, it's the same ones from every other music video I've seen of yours. I'm just saying, if you're going to market your physical image so heavily, you might want to go a little further than how to incorporate the things you find in the alley behind your house into your wardrobe. Food for thought, perhaps?

Well Lady Gaga, I'm glad we've had this talk. I'm not saying any of this to be mean, I just want to put some thoughts out there for consideration.

Okay, no more writing in that ridiculous conversation-style. These are just my thoughts, and you are free to disagree. I welcome any comments/thoughts. Even the angry ones. It's all cool.

Till then, I am your rather tired Scholar, and I told you this was going to get ugly.

(For srs, if you want to listen to something with "Judas" in the title and features amazing talent, go listen to some Judas Priest. There is no questioning the superior vocal abilities of one Mr. Rob Halford, nor the melodic abilities of the rest of the band.)