Self-Compassion

Description

Be kind to yourself. Know you are human, like others, with attendant
frailties and limitations. Whilst you do what you can in life, you cannot do
everything. To err is human, as they say.

Forgive yourself for your failings. When you are sad, console yourself. Find
a place where you can learn without self-blame. Do not just make excuses. Do,
however, accept yourself as human and build from there. Learning without blame
is the key.

Discussion

Selflessness and compassion towards others in providing a
devoted service is a good way to find
happiness. However, people who are focused on others sometimes forget to also be
kind and compassionate towards themselves. In their desire to be good, they
internally berate themselves and may even wallow in self-loathing.

Self-compassion is about mindfulness, common humanity and kindness.

Mindfulness is about being in the present and openly considering
your perceptions and thoughts without getting carried away or
suppressing
them.

Common humanity is about understanding yourself as human, like
others, with all the pain, joy and frustration that that includes.

Kindness is seeking to reduce suffering of all kinds through
positive action and gentle acceptance.

Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion has found it better than the very
common focus on achievement and self-esteem. It is easy in encouraging others
(and yourself) to achieve great things for this to become more about punishment
as stretch goals are missed and inevitable failures happen along the way.
Excessive praise in the pursuit of self-esteem also has damaging effects as it
loses its meaning and can lead to problems such as
narcissism and emotional fragility.

Self-compassion has been found to have all the benefits of self-esteem with
far fewer of the problems. Esteem is about status and comparing yourself with
others, which means putting people down. It is also a source of constant anxiety
as there are always others better than you.

Self-compassion is not about laziness -- in fact research shows
self-compassionate people have higher personal standards, work harder and accept
greater responsibility for their actions.

With self-compassion 'the secret to success is the ability to fail'. The
inner secret is a focus on learning and development without destructive
criticism that triggers
coping mechanisms.