I have mentioned
before that I feel as if I am living this study as a character in the book. The
present section has been exceptionally difficult. Each time I turn around, I
find more burdens added to the already heavy load I am carrying.

Serious matters, such
as finding out my best girlfriend may have only a few months to live. And the
insurance company of my friend “in the valley” telling me none of the recent
bills to the doctors or hospitals will be paid because of an error I
made.

I started
thinking over my life since I committed it to Christ over 25 years
ago. Initially, I had a “Damascus Road experience” which is described as a
conversion that is dramatic and startling. From the very beginning, I opened my
heart wide to accept the life of Christ in me. There was no way you could ever
convince me that Jesus was not the answer to every need I had.

However, if you knew the story
of my life since conversion, and some of the terrible things that have happened
to me, you might wonder how I could trust a God who could allow such
things to occur.I believe
that my difficulties in large part were due to my old nature -- I was a mess.

The work that was
necessary for me to change could only be accomplished Jesus’ way.

His
process of purification involves yielding obedience to the pressure He allows. The
contrast in my life now, compared with how it used to be is proof of God’s
transforming power.

I also trust
that He knows what He is doing in my life today. Just this week I felt a
release in my soul that made me a little less selfish; a little less rigid; a
little more loving. And more free to do what I know is right.

And that my friends is
true freedom. The freedom of Jesus at work in our conscience enabling us to do
what is right. The following excerpt is titled “The Leader of our Salvation,”
from Andrew Murray’s classicThe
Holiest of All:

The Lamb of God has no salvation and no perfection to give
us but His own meek spirit of entire dependence and absolute submission to God.
The meekness and humility that it was needful God should perfect in Him are as
needful for us. We must suffer and be crucified and die with Him. Death to self
and the world, at the cost of any suffering or self-denial, this is the only
path to glory the Leader of our salvation has opened up to us.

And remember who this Leader is—the Son of God, the divine
Maker and Upholder of all things. Not only the Son of Man as a Leader outside
of us, influencing us by example and instruction, by authority and kindness
does He guide us. No, but as the Son of God who works in us by His Spirit, yea
who Himself dwells within us. Even as it was God who worked in Him and
perfected Him, will He, as God, now work in us and perfect us.