After all this time together, his raging, evil, twisted, latent monster surfaced and left me in total shock! Talking about it to anyone will only make my nightmare worse if he finds out, so I am venting here, anonymously. I have to have somewhere to let it out. I now know he is a narcissist, but what else? bipolar? schizoid? psychotic? schizophrenic? some other mental disorder? I hope someone can help me answer this and find a way to get me out of here!.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Alcohol Withdrawals - Part 3

T L Ogre's body seems to "need" much more booze than he is getting right now. He gets a bottle a week, then attempts to ration it out so that it lasts the entire week. So far, he has only made that goal once in recent weeks. For awhile, he still had some scotch that he made up the difference with, but that, too, is now gone, as far as I know. He does still have one, super special OLD bottle of scotch, but he saves that for super extra special occasions.

He gets his 'bottle' on Wednesday afternoon. Wednesdays are his paydays and he goes in to town after he gets off of work to run his errands and get his bottle. This week, once again, he ran out of booze before his payday. He drank his last big glass on Monday night. (he drinks alone in his tent at the days' end) This meant that he didn't get any booze on Tuesday night, like his body and mind were used to. Wednesday morning T L Ogre got up on edge and a bit grumpy. He got up and did his morning chores, then I got up and we got the dogs fed. He was very cross, on edge, and obviously in high anxiety mode. I tried to say as little as possible, get the dogs fed as quickly as possible, then steer clear of him until he left for work at his sister's house.

When he got back from work and errands, to say he was in high anxiety mode and alcohol withdrawals didn't even begin to cover it! He was filled with hate and rage. I was trying to stay clear of him, but our paths kept crossing as we went about evening chores. Plus, he can't break from that 'wanting to discuss how the day went' mode. He doesn't want to be together, but he does want to be together (NOT ME!) He wants me gone but he doesn't want me gone. (I WANT TO BE GONE!) No matter what I answered, everything I said was wrong and sent him into a raging, hate filled long lecture. I tried to lighten the mood with positive talk, but no matter what I said, it reminded him of something he hated and the ranting, raging, hate filled, demeaning lecture was on! I had to just sit there, still as I could, until he finished. (sometimes he had me pinned into a corner, standing over me as he raged) When he is in these modes, you don't dare get up and walk away or the consequences will be much worse.

This all killed my evening time, badly, too. His raging withdrawals took up so much time, it forced me to end up getting my chores and evening work done well on late into the night. It was such a relief when he finally called it a day and went to bed for the night! I was able to finally complete my day in peace.

The next morning he was much calmer and, although still an azz, back to his 'on the surface' normal. His booze had had time to kick in through the night and his body got the 'fix' and relief it was needing. Wow, how sad and pathetic!