Mmmm, d’ohnuts: Food is one of many paths to hilarity in 'Simpsons'

By John Zaremba

Tuesday

Jul 24, 2007 at 12:01 AMJul 24, 2007 at 7:05 PM

Editor's note: For Wednesday, July 25, release.

In terms of food, “The Simpsons” isn’t exactly “The Sopranos.” Food serves no allegorical purpose, it does not foreshadow anything, and most of the time you barely notice it. Except when it is the means to deliver a hilarious joke.

Editor's note: For Wednesday, July 25, release.

In terms of food, “The Simpsons” isn’t exactly “The Sopranos.” Food serves no allegorical purpose, it does not foreshadow anything, and most of the time you barely notice it. Except when it is the means to deliver a hilarious joke.

Here are but a few.

Doughnuts

Homer’s favorite food, and a staple of the series. Whether they are chocolate or jelly-filled or pink-frosted, he has eaten every doughnut there is, quite literally. And the devil made him do it right before our eyes in “Treehouse of Horror IV.”

Homer is dispatched to hell and escorted to the Ironic Punishment Division, where a blue demon straps him to a feeding machine and, two by two, pops all the doughnuts in the world into his mouth. Naturally, he completes the task easily and asks for more.

Doughnuts are the breakfast snack of choice at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, and in “Simpson Tide,” they set the episode into action.

Homer and his work buddies Lenny and Carl all want a donut, but only one remains. Quick-thinking Homer hatches a plan to make it huge by tossing it into a reactor core. The plant goes up in flames, and Homer is fired. He sees a TV ad for the Naval Reserve, advertised as “America’s seventeenth line of defense, right between the Mississippi National Guard and the League of Women Voters.” Moe, Barney, and Apu decide to join him.

Duff Beer

Oh, where to start. Duff Beer, the Narragansett of the Simpsons’ world, has given us so much and asked so little.

There’s the buff, excitable Duff Man (Woman: “You said I wouldn’t have to touch the drunk if I slept with you.” Duff Man: “Duff Man says a lot of things! Oh, yeaaah!”)

Then there’s Duff Gardens, a parody of Busch Gardens, whose gift shop contains a pair of real working beer goggles that make Aunt Selma a young, honey-voiced knockout.

The amusement park is also home to the Seven Duffs: Sleazy, Queazy, Edgy, Surly, Tipsy, Remorseful and Dizzy.

Surly, we quickly learn, only looks out for one guy: Surly.

Burgers

Hamburgers have contributed much to “The Simpsons,” including the birth of the series’ best long-running joke.

In a very early episode, when Homer was somewhere between Walter Matthau and lovable buffoon, somebody mentions the name of former U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger.

Homer’s mind drifts. “Mmm, Burger.”

Future permutations:

“Mmm, reprocessed pig fat”

“Mmm, sacrilicious”

“Mmm, incapacitating”

“Mmm, forbidden donut”

“Mmm, 64 slices of American cheese”

Let us also not forget Krusty Burger, the show’s answer to McDonalds. In addition to supplying the ubiquitous acne-riddled, voice-cracking teenager with steady work, the burger chain also famously lost a fortune when the Krusty Burger was the Official Meat-Flavored Sandwich of the 1984 Summer Olympics. A promotional tie-in gave away free Krusty Burgers with every U.S. win, and when the Soviets boycotted, Krusty Burger gushed money.

Then there’s this little gem from the “Bart’s Friend Falls in Love” episode: The Good Morning Burger.

The Good Morning Burger

18-ounce ground beef patty

6-8 tablespoon butter

8 strips bacon

4 slices of ham

3 fried eggs

Brown ground beef, cook bacon, ham and eggs on grill. Place the beef on a bun, the top with bacon, ham and eggs.

Soak in butter.

We take 18 ounces of sizzling ground beef, and soak it in rich, creamery butter, then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg.

We call it the Good Morning Burger.

Adapted from snpp.com. Please don’t actually make this; we just thought it would be fun to include the recipe.

Some other favorites

Krusty-O’s - Yet another substandard Krusty Brand product, and this one is particularly bad for you - especially when Bart digs into a bowl and finds the special Jagged Metal Krusty-O.

Uncle Moe’s Family Feed Bag - Moe, after reading “Your Gimmicky Restaurant” by Bennigan and Fuddrucker, converts his tavern into a family eatery “with lots of crazy crap on the walls,” and purchases an old deep fryer from the Navy that can flash-fry a buffalo in 40 seconds.

Moe, being the surly, miserable man he is, blows up at a little girl and drives his family customers away, of course, leading him to reopen the tavern and restore order in the world.

Guatemalan Insanity Pepper - Chief Quimby makes his famous chili at a cook-off, and Homer eats the signature ingredient. It’s not just hot, it’s trippy, giving us the first-ever psychedelic “Simpsons.”

Cool trivia: The voice of the coyote? Johnny Cash.

Paste - It would be unfair to write about “The Simpsons” food without mentioning Ralph Wiggum’s favorite condiment.

Cookies - Scarcely worth a mention, were it not for my favorite Simpsons moment ever. The crew heads to Branson, Mo., but takes a wrong turn and ends up in Bronson, Mo., where everyone looks like Charles Bronson.

Kid: “Ayy Ma, how ‘bout some cookies?”

Mother: "No dice."

Kid: “This ain’t over.”

John Zaremba of The Patriot Ledger (Quincy, Mass.) can be reached at jzaremba@ledger.com.

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