The 2010 Celebrity Style Hall of Shame

Not to get all fashion-police or anything, but these unfortunately dressed men taught us all a little bit about the occasionally important upgrade.

Nov 3, 2010

Jon Furniss/WireImage

They're famous, yes. And good-looking, mostly. Not to get all fashion-police or anything, but these unfortunately dressed men taught us all a little bit about the occasionally important upgrade.

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Jon Furniss/WireImage

Robert Pattinson

Undoubtedly, he is one of the biggest stars on earth and, for a certain subset of vapmiricly inclined boys and girls, its biggest sex symbol. Not that Pattinson doesn't try to dissuade them of it — we've yet to see the man step out of his coffin with anything resembling a comb so much as touching his hair. The actor has admitted he's not big on bathing, and he most certainly prefers rather ratty, mismatched clothes. Pattinson even manages to make the smartest of suits look disheveled. If we could give Mr. Pattinson two pieces of advice on how to transition from tween heartthrob to legitimate actor and public figure it would be these: tuck in the shirt and wash that hair.

The Suggestion: Get a new hair stylist — a messy, choppy main can be a signature, but no one should be remembered for sporting a rats' nest. Also, tuck in the shirt.

The Takeaway: Looking effortless takes a lot of effort, so pay attention to details like grooming, fit, and, you know, showering. Start with a good haircut and work your way down.

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JASON SZENES/Corbis

Russell Brand

He may play the same character onscreen as he does off it, but, hey, the man-child has made it big by starring in Judd Apatow cash cows, writing two booky wookies, sticking with stand-up, and, you know, marrying Katy Perry. We get it: Russell Brand is a performance artist and the world is his stage. All we're asking is that he buttons one more button on his shirt. Just one and we'll leave him alone.

The Suggestion: You're married — might be time to start separating Dr. Jekyll from Mr. Hyde. Even a little.

The Takeaway: Being comfortable in your own skin — and clothes — is the best way to exude confidence. Unbuttoning no more than two buttons of a proper dress shirt is the best way to exude good taste.

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Francois G. Durand/Getty Images

Mark Zuckerberg

We've already discussed the Facebook muppet's sartorial choices at some length. Hell, we even suggested him as a stylish Halloween costume. But just to reiterate: no matter how much money you have or how many people's secrets you hold in your digital palm, you cannot show up to a black-tie event in a t-shirt and jeans and expect to be taken seriously. Seriously.

The Suggestion: You just gave a hundred million to Newark's schools. Would it kill you to throw a couple thousand to, say, Zegna for a couple of nice suits? Even Bill Gates wears a sport coat, for chrissakes.

The Takeaway: Even if you are the next M.Z., and your ideas will change the world as we know it, you still have to meet those angel investors face-to-face. And they'll take you more seriously if you're wearing the right kind of jacket.

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Donna Ward/Getty Images

Joaquin Phoenix

You must understand that, the fantastic beard notwithstanding, it's been a tough year for him. Rock bottom is hard to bounce back from, whether it's fake or not. And while his clean-shaven appearance on Letterman sure had him on his way, that look — the tie-to-collar ratio, the length-of-leg-to-length-of-pant issues — sure has him on this list. But he's getting there.

The Suggestion: You're not as svelte as you once were, so widen those ties and lapels with the waistline. It's all about staying in proportion.

Everyone in Hollywood does it, but Mr. Carey has that unenviable ability to look like he borrowed someone's clothes. From his furnishing choices to the fit of his suits, Cannon just doesn't look quite right. We'd let him off the hook (as we do with many other celebrities of only mild offensiveness) if it weren't for that look on his face that always seems to say, Damn, I look good.

The Suggestion: Those peak lapels and "strong" shoulders? Looks like your older brother's suit. Try some softer construction when it comes to jacket selection.

The Takeaway: We're all for a bold pattern, but pick one item of clothing for it. A strong pin stripe, a pattern pocket square, and a bright tie can add up to a whole bunch of confusion. Especially if the tie is bright green.

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Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage

Ed Westwick

If there were a multiple-choice test with even the simplest of questions — "What are the tell-tale signs of a clichéd hipster?" — there's little doubt the Gossip Girl guy would be the living embodiment of "E: ALL OF THE ABOVE."

The Suggestion: Look yourself in the mirror in the morning. Remove one accessory. Repeat. Or just lose the deep V.

The Takeaway: The more accessories and trends you pile on yourself, the more contrived it all looks.

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Nick Harvey/WireImage

Jared Leto

Here's the thing about Jared Leto: he's like a really pretty punk girl. You know the type, with her ripped jeans, combat boots, months in between hair washings — it is a constant battle against beauty. For some girls it works. It makes them more appealing. It does not work for any man. Jared Leto is a handsome man. He looks good in clothes. He needs to cut out all the theatrical bullshit.

The Suggestion: In 2010, the least "punk" option available is your mohawk.

The Takeaway: Even if you're a well-dressed rocker, really only one item of clothing at a time should make a big statement — and it shouldn't be written on a t-shirt.

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BuzzFoto/FilmMagic | Toni Passig/WireImage | Joe Scarnici/FilmMagic

Joint Induction: Charlie Sheen, David Spade, Nicolas Cage

And not just because of the whole naked-with-a-hooker thing. All three of these men have been famous for the better part of two decades now, and all three have stopped giving a damn about how they look. All three have a crutch they fall back on, and it's due time someone kicked it out from under them.

The Suggestion: Spade: the trucker thing? For kids. Sheen: bowling shirts? For bowling. Cage: toupees? At least grow back the sideburns.

The Takeaway: Dressing your age doesn't have to mean giving up on style, but it does mean giving up on skate shoes.

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Soul Brother/FilmMagic

John Mayer

There was a time when America considered John Mayer a promising, handsome young man. Hell, he even worked for us. This is not that time. As he has devolved into something of a whiny philanderer, so, too, have the shape of his shirts (either too bag or, as at left, too tight), the sag of his pants, and the flop of his hair. Maybe it's a social experiment to see how long he can keep romancing women even as he lets himself go. Our guess is not much longer.

The Suggestion: No matter how many tattoos you get, preppy basics will continue to look good on you — better, even. Don't fight it.

The Takeaway: No break at the hem? That's modern and clean — a good pant fit. Pants above the ankle? Not even appropriate for the flood plains.

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Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Rush Limbaugh

His position on clothes is the same as on most issues: inflexible and presented in poor taste. One thing we can say is that he's been remarkably consistent over the years in his poor choices in neckwear and proclivity for mock turtlenecks. You'd think he'd show a little more flair living in that house of his. Then again, the Liberace look might not go over so well with the Tea Party.

The Suggestion: A little subtlety in your tie choices could do wonders for that reputation of yours. Sartorially, at least.

The Takeaway: The impression of calm and balance in a wardrobe can lull your opponents into a false sense of security. This comes in handy once it's time to yell.

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