November 1st, 2017

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15 Responses to “Sometimes it’s hard to know how to amuse yourself on a boring flight”

Possibly the first members of the Mile High Club: autopilot inventory Lawrence Sperry and the woman to whom he was giving flying lessons.

Once at altitude, Sperry engaged the autopilot and evidently gave his full attention to non-aeronautical matters. Either the autopilot failed or it was accidentally disengaged, and the plane (which was a seaplane) descended, fortunately into the water. Neither Sperry nor his student (a well-known society woman) was wearing much in the way of clothing when they were rescued.

Sperry reminded the NYT reporter of the paper’s slogan, “All the news that’s fit to print,” but one of the tabloids ran the headline:

At heart a libertarian, I admire most amongst Britain’s modern kings, the oft-overlooked Edward VII, Queen Victoria’s son and immediate successor, who assumed the throne in 1901, at the age of 60, after a life given over to indulging his appetites – all of them – while he waited out his long-lived mother.

Not for nothing was he known in his time as “Edward the Caresser”.

Edward achieved very little of lasting importance during his life before or after assuming the throne, but to his great credit he did model tolerance and urbanity.

It is Edward who is said to have observed: “I don’t care what people do so long as they don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses.”

That is a very sensible and civilised way to approach life in my humble view and one we should all follow.
Everything should be permitted that does not harm others.

So my immediate impulse was to decry the hullabaloo .They were and are consenting adults who were just unlucky to be sprung. But then I noticed that they were in their seats in the time.

Once, in a life long ago, I was sent into the cabin to get two people out of a blue room that they had been occupying for far too long. The flight attendants had knocked politely, and then not so politely, with no success.

We pilots carried a tool that would open locked blue rooms. When they did not respond to my knocks and demands that they open up, I unlocked the door. And what to my wandering eyes did appear? He was on his knees with his head between her legs. She was sitting on the wash basin. Surprised that the door had suddenly been opened, and with an authority figure standing there, the two quickly sprang into action, getting their disheveled selves into some semblance of propriety. They returned to their seats, somewhat embarrassed. (Not as embarrassed as I would have been, however.) The Captain decided not to turn them over to the FBI. Yes, the FBI. All crimes committed aboard an airliner are federal crimes. It is a crime top disobey an order from flight crew.The Captain decided that, although they refused to respond to the flight attendant’s and my commands to exit the blue room, no real harm had been done and the couple were chastened by having been found in a compromising position.

For those who are tempted to use the blue room for other than the intended purpose, you have been warned. 🙂

Actually, I believe the last time I was bored on a flight, I was traveling with my barbershop quartet… so we went to the back galley together and serenaded the crew.

(It was well received. We got an official request for an encore from the crew up front, one of whom was having a birthday. So we sang to them too, and got some warm brownies for our trouble. Life is good.)

Then there is the old joke about the newlyweds that wanted to fly United to Niagara Falls but the stewardess wouldn’t let them.

About Me

Previously a lifelong Democrat, born in New York and living in New England, surrounded by liberals on all sides, I've found myself slowly but surely leaving the fold and becoming that dread thing: a neocon. Read More >>