Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)

This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The exclusive Jenn Sterger interview

Get excited… I’m still in correspondence with Jenn Sterger finalizing an exclusive interview. Keep your browser book marked, hopefully within the next week or so I’ll be able to share with you her thoughts and feelings to some of the questions I’ve asked her.

Smell that? It's fresh College Christmas Trees!

Skydiving woman pregnant hits face in parking lot

Shayna Richardson was making her first solo skydiving jump when she had trouble with her parachutes and, while falling at about 50 mph, hit face first in a parking lot.

She survived- and doctors treating her injuries discovered she was pregnant. Four surgeries and two months later, Richardson said she and the fetus are doing fine.

Richardson, 21, of Joplin, Missouri, was skydiving in Siloam Springs on October 9 when her main parachute failed.

"I heard a snap and I started spinning and I didn't know why. I didn't know what to do to fix it. I didn't know how to make it stop," says Richardson.

She cut away her primary chute so her reserve could deploy, but it didn't open all the way. She spun out of control, heading straight for the asphalt below.

"At the end I said, 'I'm going to die. I'm going to hit the ground. I'm going to die,"' she said. "I don't remember it. I don't remember hitting the ground. I don't remember the impact or anything that came with it."

Rescuers got her to a hospital in Fayetteville, where Richardson underwent surgery. She broke her pelvis in two places, broke her leg, lost six teeth and now has 15 steel plates.

During treatment, doctors found that Richardson was pregnant, which was a surprise to her.

"To hit the ground belly first -- that's dangerous. I mean at any stage of pregnancy that's dangerous. That's not something you want to do let alone at 50 miles per hour," Richardson said.

Her fall was videotaped and Richardson said she was able to watch it, without qualms.

Photoworthy

Bullet time is a great time killer game

Use you left mouse button to dodge the bullets as soon as they're fired. A single click will do it - but don't click too soon. This game tests how good your reflexes are. Pretty fun to see how fast you can react. Click here to play bullet time.

Filling up for Gas shouldn't be this difficult

Come quick because I'm really pretty drunk...

On his drive home from one round after another of alcoholic merriment, a 31-year-old German man was befallen by a blow-out. Rather than change the tire himself, he decided to keep his hands clean and leave the dirty work to the breakdown services.

The jolly civil servant, who had a blood alcohol level seven times that of the legally allowed limit, had his license taken away eight years ago, and was driving a borrowed car, dialed what he believed to be the number of roadside assistance, and blurted out his twiddle tale.

"My car is broken and I need you to come and fix it," he said. "And you'd better be quick because I'm really pretty drunk and I don't have a license so it wouldn't be good if the cops drove past."

It wasn't until he was done with his inebriated rant that he realized he was not talking to a breakdown service at all, but to none other than the police from whom he was so keen to hide.

"He wanted us to come quickly, so we did," said a police spokesman in the western town of Monheim.

X-Mas Gift? How about a 39 Megapixal Camera!

Dead Body Guy, he's really good at playing dead

"I've always dreamed of being in a movie or on TV. Now, I have absolutely no acting experience. I am not good looking at all. I have a bit of a southern accent. So what can I bring to the table for any well respected TV or movie producer? I CAN LAY AROUND WITH THE BEST OF THEM! Just ask my wife."

So this guy runs a website in which all he does is post a new pose as often as I can of him ‘playing’ dead. He even takes requests if you send him an email.

I have to admit- as weird as this premise is for a website, it’s pretty darn hilarious to look at the pictures he taken. Totally a complete waste of time… but nevertheless randomly funny sh*t. Click here to see more pictures and the website.

Bus driver tapes kids mouth?

When he got home from kindergarten on Monday, 5-year-old Kyle Gerber had a stunning story for his parents.

The bus driver, he said, taped his mouth shut with duct tape on the ride home from Dunedin Elementary School. Kyle's parents responded by calling the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, which has opened an investigation.

Both the driver, who has been temporarily assigned to another route, and the adult aide on the bus could face termination, a school official said.

Duct tape is not a standard item on buses, but it's not uncommon for drivers to have it to post signs on the bus, Ivey said. Article here.

Lights-out for the best ever Christmas light show?

Chances are you probably have seen the house that has the Christmas light spectacular located in Warren County, Ohio. If not here is the video of that house. The owner of the house was ordered by the cops to shut down the display. Why? So many people ended up visiting the Williams’ sub-division, that two folks got in a minor accident and sheriff’s deputies asked him to put an end to the revelry indefinitely (Not sure why you would want to be driving and trying to watch this house at the same time= bad idea).

Turns out that the Christmas Light show actually has three different songs in the 12-minute display: Frosty the Snowman by the Jackson 5; God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood and Wizards of Winter by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. The guy who made it is an electrical engineer and spent about $10,000 on the display. What a shame. All because two idiots didn’t park their car whenever they watched the show. Morons. Had to ruin it for everyone. Article here.

"So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."

"I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."

"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."

"You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with
applebutter"

"Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got
carnations.'"

"I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the
beach."

"I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."

"Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"

"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."

"She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your
eyebrows"

"I think pregnant ladies are scary"

"I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"

"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"

"I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even
taken the book out of the saran wrap."

"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."

"You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"

"Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"

"Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"

"[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert

"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell
you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this
is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a
thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and
a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’
[short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a
little bit, later bye."

"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"

"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."

"You would of been funny in the 80's"

"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"

"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."