Forbidden to Remember

Summary:Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; my life after Edward Cullen.Forbidden to remember; my life after the accident.
Bella happily immerses herself in her hallucinations of Edward until her lack of concentration results in her riding off a cliff. Three weeks later she finds herself in hospital with amnesia.
Bella can't remember who she is, who her friends are, why she looks so ill or who this Edward Cullen guy is. All she can recall is her life starting after her regaining consciousness in hospital three weeks after the accident. She knows Charlie is hiding something about her old life, but what she can't put her finger on...
B/J and B/E. A story about destiny: Will a change of events affect Bella's final decision of who she should choose?
21.06.11 CHAPTER 12 "CONFLICT" IS UP!! I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, I CAME ON TODAY TO SEE WHAT WAS TAKING SO LONG TO VALIDATE AND NOT ONLY HAD THE CHAPTER GONE THROUGH, IT WAS MISSING THE STORY TEXT -.-" I AM SO SORRY BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ~ SparklyCullen

Notes:
Edward gets his wish; Bella living her life like he had never existed. But when he drops in to find Bella happy with Jacob, should he walk away or make his presence known?
Will Bella ever regain her memory?

3. Attention

Phil picked Renée up two weeks after I had been released from hospital and took her back to Jacksonville after passing on his best wishes for my recovery. The first thing I did was phone Jacob to let him know I was going to come down in the next few days: Jacob whooped down the phone so loudly I had to hold it away from my ear, laughing as I did so, glad he seemed as excited at the prospect of seeing me again as I was at seeing him.

Nerves began to scratch at me as I contemplated school. What was it like? Was I popular or lonely? Was I smart or did I struggle a lot? Who were my friends? Did I have a boyfriend? Who do I sit with at lunch? What if I couldn’t remember any names?

I shared some of my worries with Charlie at breakfast the morning of my first day. I poured out my cereal pensively and carried it to the kitchen table where Charlie was drinking a mug of coffee whilst reading the paper.

I cleared my throat discreetly. “Um... Dad?”

Charlie looked up, surprised. “Yeah, Bells?”

I chewed my lip worriedly. “Do... do I have many friends at school?”

He paused thoughtfully, folding up his paper. “I’m sure you do, Bells. You know Mike and Jessica and Angela. Yeah, you have quite a few friends at school.”

“Oh,” I sighed in relief, gratefully beginning to eat my breakfast. “Good.” I had friends, people to talk to; that took a lot of weight off my shoulders.

Charlie hesitated loudly, making me look up curiously. “Just... just re-introduce yourself and let them know you your memory isn’t what it was. That you remember... No! Wait! Forget that! Let them know you’re still the same Bella and show you want to stay friends, alright? Will you do that?”

I chewed slowly, trying to work out his reluctance at mentioning the recent past. “Sure, Dad.”

“You’re a good kid, Bells, you know that?” said Charlie as he stood up and dropped the paper on the table and dumped his used mug in the sink.

“Thanks, Dad,” I mumbled, embarrassed. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye, Bella.”

I finished my breakfast in the empty house, pondering what the day would bring. If I hadn’t made plans to meet Jacob after school, I would’ve stayed home. Looking at the clock, I realised I couldn’t postpone going to school any longer, so after wrapping myself in a thick waterproof coat, I collected the keys and drove to school.

I parked my truck in the parking lot and looked around. Teenagers were mulling towards the school building, dawdling in groups by their vehicles, laughing together. I stepped warily out of my truck, and immediately heard my name being shouted. I looked round and saw a large group of people watching me, a pale blonde guy at the front waving in my direction. He called my name again with a little less certainty. I smiled and walked over.

“Hi, I’m Bella,” I introduced myself. Everyone stared back with blank faces. “I, uh, apparently used to come here...” I began to feel uncomfortable and confused. Charlie had promised I had friends here: had he lied to me? “I do know you guys, right?”

“Yeah,” said the blonde boy, reaching his hand out. I shook it nervously and he smiled confidently. His hair was gelled into casual disarray and his cheekbones were just visible on his face. “I’m Mike Newton, remember me?”

I bit my lip. He seemed so happy to see me but I didn’t know if I should lie to make him feel better or tell him the truth that I didn’t recall any of these faces. It seemed my photo album was sadly outdated.

“Um, I- I’ve looked through my old photo album and I sort of recognise your name from that, but otherwise I can’t – I’m sorry!”

“It’s ok,” he said nodding understandingly, looking slightly put out.

A girl with light brown hair and brown eyes stepped forward timidly and gave a slight wave, pulling a boy who was a head shorter than her in tow. “I’m Angela,” she said clearly. “How are you, Bella?”

“I’m fine, thanks Angela,” I replied, trying to add her name to memory. She smiled shyly and introduced the guy with his arm around her waist as Ben. After an awkward pause, Mike re-introduced me to Jessica and Lauren, who both ignored me completely as I muttered hello. A black boy, who introduced himself as Tyler, stepped forward and shook my hand warmly causing a chess-type boy with a poor complexion to introduce himself as Eric.

“Hey, do you want me to show you the way to English?” asked Mike, forcing himself into the narrowing gap between Eric and I.

“Um... sure,” I said, unsure if English was first on my timetable but unwilling to check if leaving meant I could escape the intense male attention. I almost missed Mike’s face lighting up - almost but not quite. I was just too desperate to get away to care.

Mike walked me casually to building six and held the door open for me, gesturing politely for me to go first. I managed to thank him though I was confused at his etiquette, before I tripped on the step and fell directly onto my face.

“Fine,” I mumbled thickly, my face burning with embarrassment. I moved my hand to wipe away the excess salt water leaking from my eyes when Mike stepped back in aghast revulsion.

“Aw, I should’ve caught you, Bella, I’m so sorry!” he said, holding his head with the stress before stepping forward again looking around the room in a panic.

“It’s ok, Mike,” I reassured him, starting to stand up, acknowledging where everybody’s gaze was aimed – at me. “What’s wrong?” I asked looking down at my hand. The room span as my head swooned and I forced myself to close my eyes against the red.

The smog began to clear as clean, cold, moist air swept over my face. I couldn’t smell anything, let alone the salt-rust scent of spilled blood, so I wisely averted my gaze from my bloody hands.

Mike had his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. “Lean on me,” said Mike keenly. I sighed internally, noticing he was enjoying playing the hero, but leant on him anyway because I had already learned that my balance, or lack thereof, could result in more than a bloodied nose.

Mike half-supported, half-dragged me to the nurse’s office. He waited for me until the nurse pointed out I wasn’t going anywhere for another hour before he said goodbye to me and grudgingly returned to English.

After I had been cleaned up and my nose bleed was announced to have ended, the nurse left me alone to fill out some paper work. I assured her I was the only one who could be blamed for the incident but the paperwork was necessary regardless. I sighed unhappily as she left the room. My clumsiness was on permanent record: great.

It was almost lunch. I debated internally over what I should do next. Should I go down to lunch and have everybody staring at me, muttering about this morning, or go home? I was tempted to flee until I remembered who I was seeing this afternoon. Would Charlie let me visit Jacob if I made out I wasn’t well enough to last another few hours of school? I chewed my lip. I didn’t know the answer. Charlie seemed laid-back enough, but was it worth the risk? Postpone the staring until tomorrow morning or miss seeing Jacob after school. Postpone the attention or miss seeing Jacob. Attention or Jacob?

“How are you now, Bella?” The nurse entered the room, smiling pleasantly at me.

“I’m fine.”

“Do you want to go home?”

I hesitated. Attention or Jacob?

“No...” I answered carefully, before making up my mind. “No, I’m fine. I’ll go back to lessons if that’s ok?”

She looked surprised. It seemed other students skived for much more trivial incidents. I cringed, wondering if I had made the wrong decision. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” It had been two weeks since I’d seen Jake and his dad; another day would be too much.

“Ok, if you’re sure...”

“I’m sure.”

She searched my face completely taken aback. “You might as well go straight to lunch, the bell’s about to go any minute.”

“Sure,” I paused, chewing my lip. “Um... how do you get to the canteen?”

Her confused expression swept over with one of understanding, probably because she’d remembered about the accident. My face glowed slightly redder before she gave me simple instructions. I thanked her and left.

The canteen was completely empty except for a class of freshmen who’d been let out early. I walked between the tables, towards the food. I bashfully wondered where I should sit. I had no idea where Mike and Angela sat normally, nor if I would be welcome.

“Hey, Bella!” I jumped, dropping the bottle of lemonade in my hand. It immediately began to spit out furious bubbles even though the lid was still sealed.

“Oh no!” I cried, internally cursing my bad luck.

“It’s alright love,” the cashier assured me. “’Happens all the time.” Her smile was kind, but I knew she was lying to make me feel better.

“Here you are, Bella.” A fresh bottle replaced the other on my tray. I looked up to find the black boy, Tyler, smiling at me. “Let me pay for your lunch.”

“No! It’s ok, really!” I objected, but Tyler passed over a couple of dollar bills before I could retrieve my own money.

“Thanks,” I said grudgingly, taking my apple and lemonade.

“No problem,” smiled Tyler. “Come sit by me.”

“Fine,” I agreed, relieved to have someone to sit with.

Tyler walked over to a table and pulled out a seat for me. We sat down and made conversation and before long our table began to fill. Mike put his tray down before a young girl I didn’t recognise could sit next to me. Eric sat next to Angela who had managed to slide in opposite me inconspicuously, causing Eric to grimace in apparent disappointment.

Lauren took a seat nearer the other end of the table, talking to Jessica, but I didn’t notice their disgruntled glances down the table towards me – I was too busy answering people’s questions.

Tyler wanted to know when I was free to go surfing. I admitted I wanted to avoid all activities that required coordination and balance: in other words, pretty much all sports.

Mike wanted to make plans for the cinema. I promised to go soon but not in the next few weeks; I needed to get my bearings around school first.

Eric wanted to describe his win at chess against somebody in Japan, but I was too flustered to realise he was talking to me.

The bell went before I’d drunk half of my lemonade and taken more than a few bites out of my apple. I chucked the dying fruit into a nearby trash can and drained my drink hurriedly as Mike waited to escort me to biology.

“Where do I sit?” I asked Mike as we entered the room. People were sitting on desks and chatting amongst themselves whilst no teacher was present.

“You sit at this desk here.” Mike patted an empty table at the front of the room before hoisting himself onto it and swinging his legs freely, a happy grin across his face.

“Who do I sit by?” I asked, taking my seat.

Mike hesitated before running his hands through his short, carefully gelled hair sheepishly. “No one,” he admitted uncomfortably. I considered asking about his discomfort on the matter, but Mike interrupted my thoughts, probably having noticed my bemused expression.

“You used to sit by Cullen,” he explained simply. “Don’t you remember?”

“No.” It was my turn to squirm uneasily now, but fortunately Mike didn’t seem to notice.

“He wasn’t anything special. I don’t know what you saw in him anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

Mike searched my face suspiciously, before deciding on something. He straightened up, ruffled up his hair and leaned back extra casually, speaking in a deeper tone than usual.

“You got together around Spring break last year but you two broke up last September ‘cause he moved up to LA.”

“LA?”

“Yup.” I waited for Mike to expand on the topic, but he just glanced over to a skinny kid with glasses and looked back at me. “Hey, are you ok over here on your own?”

I was confused by the sudden change in topic and his random concern of me being lonely in a room full of people. I opened my mouth to reassure him that I would be ok, when he cut in again.

“Because I can move to sit next to you if you want.” Mike gestured over his shoulder with his head to the skinny kid he had glanced at before. “James won’t mind.”

I considered his offer for a moment. I really was fine sitting alone, I usually worked better that way, and an acceptance might encourage his “overly-helpful” behaviour. But his eager eyes were beginning to dim with doubt as the pause extended, and he could help me uncover my past. We could’ve been best friends before the accident and I wouldn’t know, but Mike would. I wanted to keep my old friends, didn’t I?

“Um... sure,” I said, immediately perplexed over whether I had made the right decision, even though Mike’s face lit up like a hundred-watt bulb.

“Great!” cried Mike, hopping off the table and sitting in the empty chair next to me. “We have gym after this. Do you want to be partners again?”

“Yeah, if you want to,” I said as the teacher opened the door and walked across the front of the lab towards his desk to put down his coffee and books. “But I have to warn you, I’m co-ordinately challenged in a big way...”

I turned into the Black’s drive and parked up, glancing one last time at the simple directions written in pencil on the back of an envelope, before screwing it up and throwing it into the glove compartment. As I opened the car door, Jake came running up from the garage his arms outstretched. I laughed and spread my arms open wide as he ran into me. He swept me off my feet and spun me on the spot, both of us laughing loudly.

“Bella!”

“Jake!”

“Bella!”

“Jake!”

“Bella!”

“Jake!”

I squeezed him tight as he span me one last rotation before putting me gently back on my feet. I flinched as I accidently put weight onto my left leg.

“What’s up?” Jacob’s face clouded with a storm of concern as he watched me limp to the little red house beside him. “Is it something to do with the accident? Are you ok?”

I winced as the tender muscle of my thigh shot aching pain through me again. “I’m fine,” I assured him, meeting his distressed black eyes with my own embarrassed brown gaze. “Trust me. I’m just crap at dodge ball. How those soft rubber balls can leave such a stinging red patch, I’ll never know.”

Jacob threw his head back and hooted with laughter. I frowned for a second, offended, especially as his mirth echoed off the trees and rang confusedly in my ears, but as Jake laughed, I found myself joining in unconsciously.

“What are you like, Bella?” asked Jacob, still chuckling under his breath as he shook his head and draped his arm over my shoulders. The sound of a baseball commentary welcomed us, echoing from the television when we entered the house.

“Jacob?” The gravelly voice was followed by the appearance of Billy Black in his wheelchair. “Oh, hello Bella, good day at school?”

“Yes, thank you,” I answered politely.

Jacob snorted. “Except for the part when you got hit by the dodge ball.”

I frowned at him disapprovingly, irritated that he had just snitched on my poor sporting skills. Billy smiled amusedly before turning himself around and returning to the game. “Don’t forget her nose bleed,” added Billy innocently.

We gaped at him. Well, I did. Jake kind of gawked at me, before laughing. “How on Earth do you know about that?” I questioned heatedly.

“Special sources,” called Billy, tapping his nose. “Charlie’s waiting for the whole story.”

I fumed silently as Jake continued to snigger while he toured me around his tiny house before showing me down to the garage, or rather the several tin sheds bolted together. It was down the garden, out of reach for Billy in his wheelchair. Inside, a car was resting on a faded rusty red jack. Car organs were strewn across the floor, oil dripping like blood into empty paint cans; it seemed to me that Jacob was a mad scientist of a mechanic, but when I voiced my theory, he shook his head.

“Nah, I don’t really experiment, just rebuild and repair,” he shrugged modestly.

“So you’re like a Frankenstein doctor?” I asked teasingly, peering inside the car. “What are you doing to this?”

“Ah,” grinned Jacob proudly. “The Rabbit; I built it from scratch, it’s almost done, just new tires, a fresh lick of paint and the little luxuries left to go. It should be ready in a couple of weeks. Maybe we could go for a ride when it’s done...?”

“That sounds great!” I commented as I continued exploring his office of sorts. I noticed a faded duvet cover draped across a distorted shape. It hung down to my knees and underneath I could see two pairs of wheels, too close together to be your average car.

“What’s this?” I asked, patting my hand on the top, looking back to see if I had permission to view the secret underneath. Jacob nodded and walked towards me before helping me lift the sheet completely clear of its contents.

Bright red and a brilliant blue shone like hidden gold in a treasure chest. “Motorbikes!” I exclaimed, stepping backwards in surprise, completely gobsmacked at their appearance; they looked brand new! “Did you build these as well?”

I looked back at Jacob after a short pause. I was surprised at the disappointment in his face. “Jacob? What’s wrong?”

He shook his head and sighed, turning away from me, dragging his feet over to the rabbit. “Yeah,” he answered huskily before clearing his throat. “Yeah, I did build them.”

I waited for him to expand but no development was made. He sank to the oily floor by his car and after a minute of silence I moved to sit by him. He opened the car door for me and gestured I should sit on the seat inside. “What’s wrong? They look amazing! Don’t they work?”

Jacob lifted his gaze and fixed his eyes to mine. “They work, Bella. They work really well.”

“Then what’s the problem?” I was confused. A moment ago he had been so pleased with my reaction to his hard work, but now he seemed forlorn and regretful. “Won’t Billy let you ride them?”

He sighed and groaned quietly. “You helped me build those bikes.”

I blinked. “I didn’t know I was a mechanic.”

He grinned, his teeth white against his brown skin. “You aren’t. What I meant was you passed me the tools after I stretched over and picked up what I wanted.”

I chuckled softly, embarrassed at my lack of knowledge, but Jacob ignored me his forehead crinkling again. “You can’t remember.” He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, before turning back to me. “This is it,” he stated forcefully. “If this doesn’t bring back memories, nothing will.” He jumped to his feet and pulled me to mine.

“Reverse your truck as far down here as you can manage, then tell Billy we’ll be back in a couple of hours,” ordered Jacob, moving towards the bikes and pulling them away from the wall.

“Why? Where are we going?”

“To this place I know.”

Jacob seemed to be burning with resolve, so I turned my back on him and jogged to my truck, stumbling frequently before I slowed to walking pace. I climbed in and started the monstrously loud engine. It roared as I jerked it into reverse and slowly and cautiously drove it down to the garage. Jake was waiting and as soon as the vehicle snarled to a stop, he was throwing in the pristine bikes in the back and fastening them down. I hopped out, leaving the keys in the ignition, and went up to the house.

“Um... Billy?”

“Yeah?”

I glanced over my shoulder to see my truck dragging itself up the drive. Jake gave me the thumbs up and slid over to the passenger seat. “Jake says we’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“Alright, Bella. See you later.” That was it. No questions about our destination, how we were travelling or curfews; Jacob had it ridiculously easy.