Marc Angelillo of Skaneateles lost his 17-year-old son, Matthew, in June 2004 to an alcohol-related accident. The driver of the vehicle, Steven Corsello, remains in prison.

After reading a recent column about driving while intoxicated, Angellillo sent me the following note:

Sean,

My wife, Marianne, and I, are acutely aware of every DWI tragedy that occurs in our area. They are not accidents. We used to grieve for the victim; now our thoughts go immediately to the parents and family left behind. There is no greater loss in this world than losing a child. Grief is a debilitating condition that is unrelenting and life-altering. Think for just one minute of never seeing your son or daughter again in this life, you will now understand the level of anxiety a grieving parent lives with the remaining 1439 minutes per day.

For 18 months, I have reflected on every way my son’s death could have been avoided, and every other DWI victim that lost their life so unnecessarily. Where did we as parents go wrong? We discussed the dangers of drinking and driving constantly. The consequences, if our children were caught drinking, were firmly established. We cited every tragedy that has occurred and made them aware of them.

The problem is that our society glorifies the use of alcohol for every aspect of our life. Entertainment, social gatherings, celebrations, the list is endless. The beer and liquor industries have accomplished their goals of having alcohol beverages standard at ball games, family picnics, car races, etc. They have led us to drink, but they do not pour it down our throats. Free will and peer pressure accomplishes that.

Since I lost my son, I have made a conscious effort to abstain from drinking socially. I can tell you first-hand, it is difficult. Initially, family and friends were not prepared to offer anything when I visited except alcoholic beverages, but that has now changed. It is sometimes uncomfortable, but I do not waver. I ask myself, “What good has ever come from drinking?”

The answer is always the same … nothing.

My point is this: When you drive you must not drink, period. This is the answer to ending DWI tragedies. I regret ever attending a family picnic, or social gathering with my children, having a couple of beers throughout the event, and driving my family home. Was I drunk? I believe not. What I did accomplish was to set an example that driving and drinking was acceptable, as long as I wasn’t drunk. This is the way parents and kids think today. The person who drinks the least is the designated driver.

Back in the sixties, our country had a problem with littering. There were numerous commercials that exposed the problem. Do you remember the crying Native American looking at a littered landscape? Our country, for the most part, became aware of the problem and it is now unacceptable to litter. My children would be appalled if we were to roll down the window of a vehicle and toss away garbage. That is how drinking and driving should be viewed.

(Education should) start at home, and it should start early. We set the example for our kids in everything we do, or don’t do. Parents, stop drinking when you are expected to drive. This is the right thing to do ….always.