Sunday, May 24, 2009

HOPPER HARMONY

It was never my intent to get into an argument about the toilet seat. However, it happened, and I wish to recount the circumstances.

At a relatively early age I heard perfectly genteel lady friends make sarcastic remarks about the male tendency to leave the toilet seat up, that is to say, in the "open" position. This habit of leaving the toilet seat in the "open" position was apparently the definitive proof of male selfishness and lack of consideration for others.

I was vague on exactly why this was. After I got married, my wife explained to me that on occasion a female will be lured into a false sense of security by the open seat, especially in the middle of the night, and sit down on the cold ceramic rim of the toilet, or perhaps plunge into the ice-cold toilet water itself.

On those exceedingly rare occasions when I sat down on the cold ceramic rim of the toilet (beer was involved), I blamed myself. The thought never occurred to me to blame anyone else. Although I liked the idea.

When I mentioned this to my wife, we had a discussion. I found that she concurred with female orthodoxy on the subject.

I should have let it go, but I asked this: if a female put the lid down, and her husband failed to lift the lid and created a disaster, would this be a demonstration of female callousness?

Apparently not.

Also (I had not learned discretion) I said: if you want to do it the "right" way, you should put the lid down. What do you think the lid is for?

One husband I know has gotten even closer to God on the subject. Early in their marriage, he informed his wife that he alone would be responsible for cleaning the bathroom, since he alone was responsible for the messiest part of the job.

2 comments:

I must speak to the fact, that I am a victum, of the up right toilet seat. It happended one cold night in the middle of the night. I had pondered for some time whether or not to make the 10 foot treck to the bathroom. I finally made the journey but was startled as my rear end went a lot further than expected. I did survive but now I proceed with caution during the midnight journey. CW

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