Move in with boyfriend when i'm not legally separated from my husband?

Danielle - posted on 08/16/2011
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Me and my husband have been separated for 2 years now and we have a 2 year old son together. My husband has a new girlfriend and I have a new boyfriend. I have been living with my parents since the separation. My boyfriend and I are serious and he wants me and my kids to move in with him but me and my husband arent legally separated yet due to not having the money to hire a lawyer to resolve the custody and property issues. Could moving in with my boyfriend get me in trouble in court? I've been living w my parents for two years and i'm miserable. Should I stay living with the parents or move in with my boyfriend that I plan to marry in the future?

9 Comments

I suggest waiting until you can finalize your divorce. If both you and your ex want to move on, maybe that will change things to help you reach an agreement faster. You don't need an expensive lawyer, or any lawyer at all if you both can agree on things yourselves. Depending on where you live, your county may have sample divorce forms online. When I got divorced, my county did not have forms online, and I created my own from books that I bought on how to file. The judge had us change the wording in one area to clarify something and had us include a list of our divided property, and then he approved the divorce. Mine was $175 (no kids) + the cost of the books I bought on how to do it myself.

1) Is that legal in your state? You should consult a lawyer to find out.2) If you are having issues with property and custody, it might not help to have the boyfriend or girlfriend living in the same home with you and your husband. It might not help the situation.3) How long have you been with the boyfriend?

I am concerned that its more about what you are wanting than what you need to do in the first place. You have a child or children and a custody issue. This needs taken care of first and foremost. Setting up and establishing that will finally give the kiddos some semblance of stability in the long run. It will also set up the parameters of who has custody, who has visitation, and who is paying child support. It will also protect the kids so that they can have relationships with both parents and the support they need for the rest of the time they live under the parents' roofs. It will protect the parents in that if one should go against the court orders the other can make the call if need be to set the other parent right with the court. I am not so worried about the property issues--your state has its laws about that and how its split or not (example: I live in a state where the assets are split in half from the time they are accumulated during the marriage meaning from day one). I am also worried, depending on how long you have been with this boyfriend and then introduced him to the kiddos; that maybe you are hurrying into another relationship without taking time to get over the last one and to heal and find yourself before thinking you need another man in hour life. Same for your husband and his girlfriend. There are too many things here that are going on. I think you should slow down and look at your situation again. And how are you so miserable living with your parents? You made these choices, no one else did. And it seems that they were ready to be there to help pick up the pieces somewhat in offering you a place to stay. I would be thankful for that because what if they can not allow it to happen again if your BF decides he is done with you.

In all honesty, wait. Take care of business with the husband first, get custody, child support, and visitation taken care of. Get your life worked out. If your BF really does love you and cares for you; he would understand and wait. If not, maybe you should rethink being with that man. I would say the same should also go for your husband too. You both have a lot of issues going on and dragging more people into them is not going to help it in the long run.

I say before you make a decision, see if you can find a lawyer with whom you can have a free consultation, ask him/her the question and go from there. If you can't then inquire about the cost of ONE visit with them to get your questions answered. Everyone on this site is going to have a different experience and will offer you different advice. I personally don't see how moving in with him would affect anything and it certainly had no bearing on my divorce (Canada), but my ex and I had already divided our assets and had no children together. Both of you have moved on, perhaps revisiting with him some of the issues and seeing if he would be willing to meet for a do-it-yourself divorce (you can buy a kit for 30$ and then only pay the filing fees- cost me 250$) the kit will have all documentation you will need for the area in which you live. He is also in a new relationship so finalizing things may be more of a priority now.

I think if your parents are that supportive, that you should consult with them. From an objective viewpoint, you should stay with your parents until you marry your boyfriend. If you value marriage, and the legalities that go along with it, then you understand this. It is unfortunate that your first marriage did not work out, but, getting a divorce is only about $250 and you can do it on your own. Just go to the public library and ask for help finding the legal forms to file for divorce. Make your copies there, fill them out, have your husband sign them. Take them to the court house, file them (have your husband pay half) and then in 30 days you show up to the court house to finalize your petition for divorce. It's pretty easy. I would take care of the old before I begin the new. It's much cleaner that way and teaches a strong moral lesson to your children. Good luck.

I am in a similar situation..I have been seperated from my husband for 2 years but its not legal since we dont have the money for a lawyer..we have 3 children together.I started seeing my boyfriend 7 months ago and we are thinking about moving in together but unsure whether or not it will be used against me considering my husband doesn't want to get divorced. Any help would be helpful

I am in a similar situation. I have been seperated from my husband for alittle over 3 years I was pregnant when we met but didnt know it found out soon after we got married before my son was born even though he knew my son wasnt his. My husbands name is on the birth certificate but i left him when my son was 14 months old. I lived with my parents for about a year and now live with my boyfriend our daughter and my son. i dont see a problem with you moving in with your boyfriend as long as the two of you are very serious and he understands the commitment of having a girlfriend with children. it is different that most guys expect. You have to watch what you do and say alot more and the kids are around all the time. I would say as long as the two of you are really ready then move in together it is better than being unhappy. Good luck and if you want to talk about it you can message me.