Rugaru – It’s a Swamp Thing

There’s a hairy beast that lives in the woods that rim a small bayou town filled with redneck citizens who drink beer out of cans and don’t put the refreshing beverages on coasters. The monster is not Cajun Bigfoot, but may be a close relative, and eats human flesh. Worse still, the beer cans, tragically, will likely leave rings on coffee tables.

In the independent horror movie Rugaru (dorky as it is, that’s the monster’s name), the creature is summoned to duty by a criminal via a voodoo poem or haiku. Said monster goes on a rampage and punishes those who leave beer can rings on coffee tables. (Sorry. I just hate it when people do that to Ikea™ furniture.)

While this sounds like a page taken from Pumpkinhead (1988), the criminal uses the curse for protection. Fat chance – mythological monsters may be crazy dangerous, but they don’t like people who have chosen a career in the law-breaking arts. So after the monster is unleashed, the criminal disappears, and a parole officer has to go stepping in swamp gunk to find out WTF. I’m sure there’s more to it. At least I hope there is; the trailer isn’t selling me as it only show’s the creature’s thumb. That’s like those miracle diet pill commercials that only show the weight loss testimonies from the neck up.

In real life, the Rugaru starts out as a genetic mutation. (Based on that criteria, my neighbors are all Rugarus.) These creatures are human in appearance for years until something ignites a murderous/cannibalistic hunger. (In fairness to my mutant neighbors, I’m pretty much the trigger.) Once the Rugaru is outted, it can never go back to looking human again. The only way to get rid of it is to set it on fire.

I should lighten up on my noisy A-hole neighbors. Maybe throw a friendly party and invite them. A open flame backyard BBQ sounds about right.