I'm a cat and a mogul just trying to live simply and intentionally through gardening, eating locally, living below my means and spending as little money as possible. Why? It's not that I need the money. I have a lot of money. It's because I want to reduce my carbon pawprint.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

How I Can Help You During the Holiday Season

It's the holiday season, and we're all supposed to give. My writing services are the best Christmas gift I can offer to the world. Seems like folks are in desperate need of well-placed apostrophes and sujbect-verb agreement, and I'm here to help.

The Annual Holiday Letter

Because of my last blog post, many of my fans and loyal followers raked me over the coals for making fun of their annual holiday letters. Looks like you're going to send these things anyway, so I'd better come to the rescue.

I will ghost write your family holiday letters. Let me know the highlights of your family's past year, and I'll craft it in a way that doesn't make people puke. I'll even include humble comments such as "We certainly didn't expect little Sarah to get the lead in the school play, but she surprised us all with her God-given acting talents. Look out, Hollywood!" The spelling, grammar and punctuation also will be correct. Duh, that goes without saying. Your recipients will be impressed this year. Cost: $20.

Letters from SantaAs an added bonus, I can provide personalized letters from Santa. These letters will arrive typed on fancy holiday stationery. I'll sign Santa's name in gold ink. Heck, I could even throw in some glitter and a few personal facts ("Way to maintain that C average, Tommy!"). Cost: $10/kid.

Guest Blogging

Everyone's busy during the holiday season, and bloggers are no exception. I can offer a much-needed break--and the most awesome guest blog posts ever. Cost: $20/post.

Let me know how I can help. Persian Metamarketing Ltd. is here for you. All money received will go to Birthdaywishes.org, a charity that provides birthday parties for children in homeless shelters.