Still Feeling "Under Construction"? You're Not Alone

I’m going to dive in and be completely honest okay?

When I found out this quarter’s theme for the blog, Build, I froze. I hesitated so much that I didn’t even respond back to the email for writers. Yellow Co. reached back out to me and I responded with, I don’t feel like I have too much expertise at building because I’m still currently doing it.

My product is not there yet, my masterpiece has not had its debut; I am still keep scribbling and leaving coffee stains on the blueprints. I am nine months out of college and barely treading water this whole “adult life.” I feel as though I am under the debris of the construction happening around me and haven’t been able to see through the ashes quite yet. I am in the season BUILDING: of learning, establishing, setting myself up for future success. I didn’t expect that this would be my after-college route.

I graduated with a degree in Psychology and in my sophomore year I was thrown a curveball that I foolishly assumed was an extracurricular activity. Now I have business cards to prove that it is more than just a hobby, it is my very heartbeat and current life’s calling. I am a creative, a poet, a writer and the right brain side of me thrives there but the left does not.

I feel as though I am under the debris of the construction happening around me and haven’t been able to see through the ashes quite yet. I am in the season BUILDING: of learning, establishing, setting myself up for future success.

A few months before graduating, the idea of pursuing a 9-5 seemed the least bit appealing. Instead, I decided not to journey back home to Northern California, stay in Southern California and live on my own while exploring what being a creative could entail and learning how to redefine success; learning how to let pride take the backseat and become more comfortable with “winging it.” Learning how to find, harness and walk boldly in my net worth as an artist, and establish myself as someone who takes this art seriously and professionally. I must be able to embrace all aspects of this building process in order to appreciate the outcome that it will result in.

Building is hard, and in order to lay any type of foundation down you must find the bearings deep within you first.

For me, that entailed viewing rejection as healthy and constructive instead of as a direct attack to who I am and my self esteem. Within your foundation is the why and the how and our very motivation for starting in the first place. I am beginning to grasp that you cannot build out of busyness and you cannot build out of fear because those will crumble the moment someone tells us to rest or asks how we’re really doing. We must build from passion, with hands that have the strongest yearning to lay down the foliage of something new.

Within your foundation is the why and the how and our very motivation for starting in the first place.

Even though it may be hard and even exhausting, once you establish something with a solid and unwavering foundation and watch it stand on its own, the captivation at what you created and the potential of your own hands will be what keeps you going. So yes, I will stand amidst the debris and ashes, stand in the middle of the construction zone because as long as I am breathing and above ground, I still have work to do and ground to break.

The common motto “beauty from ashes” applies here because even the hardest seasons bring about the most wondrous outcomes. I have come to find that the beautiful part of the building process is that it never stops. If the passion to create, the desire to be a curator of change and hope in this world rests within you, then hear me say: you can’t stop. You must keep going.

Arielle Estoria

Arielle ​Estoria is a Writer, Speaker and Creative. Her motto of “Words not for the ears but for the soul” stemming from her belief that words are meant to be felt and not just heard. Arielle’s first EP of music and poetry called Symphony of a Lioness is available on iTunes. She is co-author of two poetry collections: Vagabonds and Zealots (2014) and Write Bloody Spill Pretty (2017). She is made of sass and good intentions and has a deep love for car karaoke and brunch.