I’m the Bad Guy

Who’s here for self-improvement? Come on, give me a show of hands. Who among you is here hoping they can actively improve who they are? All right. See, that’s your first mistake. You should be here to learn self-acceptance. – Jesse’s therapist on Breaking Bad

In the past I considered how others saw me as the most important. Did they think I was smart, pretty, studious, whiny, strong, or anxious? In spite of all the effort I could put into my outward charade, you know as well as I do that people are going to see what they want to see. So it’s not my main thing anymore. It’s dropped pretty low on the list these days. It doesn’t matter how others see me, it only matters who I am.

Know who you are.

You can’t be what someone else is. Get comfortable in the body of today. I moan a lot about how much I miss my 16-year-old body. Fit, strong, and resilient. And now as I’m trying to shape up again, it seems so far away. Was I really that fit? But the complaining doesn’t help, it makes it worse. I thought about it earlier. How would I feel if someone else was saying these things to me instead of talking to myself so negatively? You’re being lazy. You should be doing your squats instead of lounging on the couch. Get up and get it done. Why can’t you be like her? Geez, I’d tell that person to leave and shut up. But it’s me saying those things. I have to befriend this body. I have to live with how it is today, not what I want it to be. This is who I am.