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We Bought a Sex Robot

In HBO’s series “Westworld,” humans pay for sex with robots in an anything-goes Wild West-inspired theme park. In the movie “Her,” a man falls in love with his Siri-like operating system. And in AMC’s show “Humans,” a husband has an affair with his pretty robotic assistant.

It’s the stuff of science fiction. But could a world in which robots are at our sexual beck and call be nearer than we think? What would that mean for humanity and for our sex lives?

Most experts agree that we’re at least decades away from a true “Westworld” scenario. We just don’t have the technology to create robots that can function as realistic sex partners, but we may be getting closer.

You might think that’s icky, but I’ll bet many of you already have a sex robot in your bedroom…

Well guess what? We just got a sex robot of our very own! It’s awesome in the bedroom, of course, but we’ve already used it in every room of the house. Say hello to our cute little Xiaomi Mi Robot Vacuum. It’s basically like a Roomba, but better.

How does a robot vacuum relate to sex, you ask? Does it have some… uh… special attachments? No, even better: it saves Sexy Corte two hours every week and a ton of stress. Vacuuming while surrounded by toddlers is a lot of work, and now the robot does almost all of it. She can spend those hours doing all sorts of other productive things, including sexy stuff with me!

So, husbands, would you like your wife to have less stress and more time and energy for sex? Consider buying her the ultimate sex robot, a robot vacuum: the robot that helps you have more sex with each other. And wives, every time that robot zooms past, make sure to give your husband a little vicarious “choreplay” credit for the work its doing.