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The Cheerleader Channel

December 22, 2008

I had the good fortune of attending the Redskins-Eagles game yesterday. It wasn’t the most exciting game, but it’s still an incredible experience to attend an NFL game in person.

One of the perks about going to the game is that you can turn your attention to the cheerleaders whenever you’d like. They’re always doing something, whether it’s an elaborate dance routine completely out of rhythm with the music, endlessly shaking those pom-poms, tossing their hair around, or gyrating their hips in ways that seems more and more raunchy every year.

Cheerleaders amuse me. I think for most men, they’re sex symbols, eye candy at the game. Don’t get me wrong, many of those women are quite attractive. But “amuse” is the word I use here–I’m amused by how intensely these ladies dance. They don’t get paid much–maybe $50 a game–but it’s so important for them to get that routine right, to move their hips in sync. It’s like watching the background of a restaurant scene in a movie, where extras are moving their lips without saying anything.

If you watch football on TV, you get brief flashes of cheerleader scenes before and after commercial breaks. These quick scenes provide temporary relief from the intensity of the game. Plus, you’re watching a bunch of buff dudes prancing around in tight pants–it helps if there’s a hot woman on the screen from time to time.

The thing is, I’m so amused by cheerleaders that I sometimes want more than those 3-second flashes. And I’d much rather watch cheerleaders than commercials. It seems like there’s always a camera on the cheerleaders, so why isn’t there a full-time cheerleader channel? Whenever you need a break from the game, flip to the cheerleader channel and relax your mind for a few minutes. It would be similar to the Red-Zone channel, where all you get is teams in the offensive red zone. Except you’d be watching cheerleaders.

Santa, all I want for Christmas this year is a Cheerleader Channel. All cheerleaders, all the time.