Katy Perry boasts some smurftastic cleavage

Katy Perry’s in that new movie about smurfs. What’s it called again? Oh, yeah, The Smurfs. That’s it. We can guarantee you that by the end of this article, the word 'smurf' will have lost all of what little meaning it had to begin with and the very act of reading it will carry a strange cognitive dissonance.

Warnings aside, though, isn’t Katy Perry fantastically hot? We don’t know why we’re even asking rhetorically. She totally is. You don’t need us to tell you that. What you need is us wittering on about childhood nostalgia.

Well, 'need' is kind of a strong word

Katy’s plumped for a dress featuring Smurfette – the one in a white dress who we ALL FANCIED growing up, no matter how uncomfortable that makes you feel – on account of that being the character she’s playing.

Plus having Papa Smurf on there might have seemed a bit weird. What’s the deal with Papa Smurf, anyway? How come he gets to be in charge? The Smurfs seem to operate in their Patriarchal Intellistocracy with very little in the way of revolution, but if you consider that the only other major mythical creatures to routinely wear red hats are the murderous Redcap Pixies, it starts to make more sense.

That cold-hearted son of a bitch has murdered his way through the ranks to get where he is today, and his jaunty crimson pants are a warning to anyone getting in his way.

He's like a miniature bearded Scarface

If you’re interested in the movie, by the way, here’s the trailer for your viewing pleasure: