Finding a partner with the assistance of technology takes on many forms nowadays, it’s not just Match.com or OkCupid. Now, if you have Comcast cable, you can watch videos of potential mates with “Dating on Demand”, the latest poop stain in the underwear of dating. One would like to think that advances in the quality of date-finding technology would some how mean advances in the quality of candidates. Totally wrong! It’s the complete opposite! The five young men featured in the videos below would like to help me prove my point.

Bachelor #1 – The Sensual Rambler

He likes long walks on the beach, and he likes to touch things a lot. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Bachelor #2 – The Passionate Forklift Driver

He’s not picky, and he loves women! Hopefully you’re not picky, and hopefully you’re cool with guys who don’t shower on the reg.

Bachelor #3 – The Juggling, Drunken Romantic

Listen as he poorly retells the story of how he charmed his last girlfriend! And don’t take his glasses!

Bachelor #4 – Cecil The Clumsy Sexy Camper

He knows he’s good-looking, ladies. So if you were hoping for a man with modesty, keep searching!

Bachelor #5 – Mr. Awesome!

If you’re looking for this guy, you can check one of two places: The bar or the strip club. WHAT WOMEN DOESN’T WANT THIS?!