Saturday, January 19, 2008

NORTH CAROLINA -- Former Vice President Al Gore isn’t the only one concerned about the environment, as more and more people are starting to become aware of global warming and experiencing ‘eco-anxiety.’ (That's a syndrome attributed to something called The Big Lie tactic. If you tell The Big Lie loud enough and long enough, people will believe it to be true. The Big Lie was widely used by Hitler's Minister of Propeganda, Josef Goebbles.)

"People are afraid of the future, they're afraid of what's going to happen,” said licensed therapist Melissa Pickett, saying of one patient (DRAMA QUEEN ALERT!!),"She brought up during the course of our session that she had just read an article about the polar bears and the loss of habitat and she started crying … she said 'I just don't understand this.'" (It's because of the same reason that Polar Bears rip the throats out of and then eat cute and cuddly Harp Seal pups. You know... the whole "Circle of Life" thingee.)

Pickett said fears about the environment are sending some people into a panic. The mental health disorder has grown enough to gain the ‘eco-anxiety’ name. "It's causing them to feel anxiety, it's causing them to feel depression, it's causing them to have insomnia,” said general practitioner Cynthia Knudsen of patients. (It's causing them to pay an awful lot of money to fear-mongering quacks like Cynthia Knudsen.)

Debra Kincaid is so gripped by the environment and the future of the planet, she can’t even force herself to throw away a broken coffee maker. She has chosen to have it repaired instead. "It can almost make you want to bury your head in the sand with a sense of hopelessness,” she said. (War in the Middle East, hunger in Africa, a broken coffee maker in Debra Kincaid's kitchen. The horror! I just want to bury my head in the sand with a sense of hopelessness. How 'bout you?)

“If everybody tosses their coffee maker into the landfill then pretty soon that's all we have." (But think how happy the people who work in new coffee maker factories would be. All those people with paying jobs... what a concept.)

Pickett said patients think they have to make big changes in their life, when the little things might be what matters most. Things like recycling, turning off lights, unplugging electrical items and carpooling can go a long way to ease the problem. (In other words... using common sense and not being wasteful. See how much money Doctor Caveman just saved you?)

Children can also suffer from anxiety over the planet. Experts suggest getting them involved in a recycling program or planting a garden. (Don't kids have it tough enough with raging hormones; a face full of acne; and boys trying to lose, or girls trying to retain, their virginity? Jeez... cut the kids some slack.)