Parkinson's Laws:1. Work expands to fill the time available for its completion; the thing to be done swells in perceived importance and complexity in a direct ratio with the time to be spent in its completion.2. Expenditures rise to meet income.3. If there is a way to delay an important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.4. The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

Dolan's Law:We do the right thing accidentally far more often than on purpose.

Levinson's Observations:1. Don't be so broadminded that your brains fall out.2. There is no mistake in life beyond which all is down hill.3. A doppess is always dropping things, but a shlemiel picks up after him.

Bartig's Maxim:The best way to break a habit is to drop it.

The Machinist's Law of Diminishing Dimensions:Grease is cheaper than steel.

George Santayana's Rumination:Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim.

Dr. Conklin's Summations:1. The girl who can't dance says the band is lousy.2. You should be very careful with your pretenses, for you are what you pretend to be.

The "I Got Troubles" Law:Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.

McFadden's Addendum to Poor Richard's Almanac:To go to bed late and get up early, makes a man cross, mean, and surly.

The Second Theory of Relativity:If your parents didn't have children, odds are you won't either.

Zall's Law:1. Any time you get a mouthful of hot soup, the next thing you do will be wrong.2. How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

Steiner's Statements:

1. Never eat in a restaurant named Mom's, play poker with a man named Doc, or buy a car from a man named Frenchy.2. There's a great difference between right and wrong, but sometimes it's difficult to tell which is which.3. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

The Digger's Dilemma, or the Law of Augmented Returns:More dirt comes out of a hole than you can get back into it.

Schalk's Law:If you have to tell people you're famous - you aren't.

Frenza's Rule:A thing not looked for is seldom found.

Burr's Law:You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, and that's sufficient.

Smart's Rule:When you tell a thing three times - it's true.

Sultan's Slant:When no one is willing to listen to you, THINK.

John's Axiom:When your opponent is down, kick him.

Nowlan's Observation:Ideally, every morning a man should be older, heavier, uglier, and have a deeper voice than his wife.

Canada Bill Jone's Supplement:A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

Teller's Commentary:Whoever learns to control the weather will have destroyed the last safe topic of conversation.

Sam's Sadness:Whatever goes up will go up some more after the first of the year.

Hartley's Second Law:Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Weiler's Law:Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it himself.

Seltzer's Suggestions:1. If you don't want to see trees, stay out of the forest.2. Do unto others as they should do unto you but won't.3. It's the best of all possible worlds, and that's the way the ball bounces.

Simon's Law:Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.

Cook's Profound Principle:A marksman is one who shoots first, and whatever he hits, he calls the target.

Kemper's Conclusion:Everyone serves a purpose in life, even if it is to be a horrible example.

Allen's Principle:The advantage of being a pessimist is that all your surprises are pleasant.

Loren William's Belief:Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.

Cliff's Law:Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.

Leach's Observation:Don't knock irritants. How else would we get pearls?

Professor Gordon's Rule of Evolving Bryographic Systems:

While bryographic plants are typically encountered in substrata of earthy or mineral matter in concreted state, discrete substrata elements occasionally display a roughly spherical configuration which, in the presence of suitable gravitational and other effects, lends itself to combine translatory and rotational motion. One notices in such cases an absence of the otherwise typical accretion of bryophyta.We therefore conclude that a rolling stone gathers no moss.

Telly's Truisms:1. A sinner can reform, but stupid is forever.2. One seventh of our lives is spent on Mondays.

About Me

I am a retired broadcaster (radio)_ of 25 years. Served in 1967 and 1968 as a war correspondent in S. Vietnam. Owned a fishing/boating resort for 27 years "Lyle's at Dixon Lake," in Escondido, Ca. Owned a beach concession, "Lyle's at Moonlight Beach," in Encinitas, California for 17 years. Am divorced, still good friends with my ex, have two grown sons, Scott and Kenny. Have been one half of a couple with Evelyn for over eight years. Love dogs, tolerate cats. We have five in the house, two of which are kittens.