Ron Burgundy Keeps A Thong By The Bed In Case Of Emergencies

By Diana BrownMar 26, 2020

On this episode of The Ron Burgundy Podcast, our host Ron Burgundy welcomes all his listeners, especially the “mysterious caller...who’s been leaving me all those messages on my home line. Listen to me, you heavy-breathing creep: I like you. Keep calling me.” But he’s sad to inform us that he’s had to fire his co-host, Carolina Barlow. Carolina is certainly surprised to hear it. Ron promises he left her a voicemail, but she only has one where he tells her about a dream he had about being a doula for a minotaur. He tells her he’s replaced her with seismologist Dr. Lucy Jones, and she admits, “That’s actually a big deal.” Dr. Jones joins them to talk about earthquakes, climate change, and what Ron should pack in his disaster preparedness bag.

Dr. Jones remembers her first earthquake: she was only two years old, and she tells Ron that her mother lay on top of her kids to protect them. “The other thing I remember is our cat screaming.” Ron says he understands that; sometimes he thinks he feels an earthquake coming on and just starts screaming, even if nothing happens. “I should probably stop doing that,” he reflects. He asks if animals can really sense when an earthquake is going to happen, and she says not really; animals are just more sensitive to the first, more subtle waves of seismic activity, so they feel it before we do. But even some humans think they can tell when one is coming; she remembers a woman promising to predict earthquakes using “the outlines of slug trails in her driveway.”

Ron wants to know how he can prepare for an earthquake. He has a bag packed and ready to go for any disaster: “I have charcoal, a hibachi grill, ten porterhouse steaks...I got Campbell’s Chunky Soup –” He stops, realizing, “Oooh….I never packed a can opener though.” He also says he "always has a thong" in his nightstand, just in case. Dr. Jones thinks the only useful things are the glow sticks he packed “for a rave,” saying earthquakes often cause power outages. Then he asks her to explain climate change in “the least scary way possible.” She slowly tells Ron that “Climate change is real… Human activity is increasing carbon dioxide, and that’s increasing the heat. Increased heat means increased storms. In general, we’re going to have a lot of disruption,” while Carolina whispers some of Ron’s favorite phrases, “Cow goes moo!” and “Train goes choo-choo” to keep him from getting too nervous. Dr. Jones ends on a high note: “We can change it. We can do it together.”

Find out more about climate change and earthquakes, if Dr. Jones will take Carolina’s job, and whether or not she thinks Rihanna will cause an earthquake when she drops her next album (“When Sisqo’s album dropped, there was zero seismic activity,” Ron points out), on this earth-shaking episode of The Ron Burgundy Podcast.

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