Early today I was perusing my regular gossip sites, aka dlisted and justjared, when I stumbled upon a story about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart holding hands. Oh dear oh dear. Now, I normally couldn’t care less about these two, except for the fact that I did get sucked into the books and therefore have a reasonable interest in the actors. My question is though, am I just the sucker they hoped for? Am I drawn to this story because of the mystery they’re trying to create about it? Am I a victim of Summit Entertainment’s clever PR department? I can’t think of a better way for them to generate buzz for this movie than to have the lead actors secretly canoodling in public. (Secretly… in public… yeah it doesn’t pass the sniff test. But then again, neither does Robert Pattinson. So he claims.) Just something fishy I thought I’d pass along. Here’s the pic. Seems odd, no?

This morning I had grits and butter as usual. Then I didn’t eat lunch, because I wasn’t very hungry (I know I should have), and when I got back to The Ranch about an hour ago, I ate a slug of peanut butter. So I have tons of calories left today, and I just don’t know what to make. I might go with a grilled cheese, in addition to something else.

I’m thinking now of how y’all have made me successful. I’m so determined to not slip up, not go over my daily calories, not be an idiot and pretend like some foods don’t count–all because of you. When I know you’re out there reading this, I am inspired not to let you down. Plus, I want it to be a real experiment with one question to answer: Can I eat anything I want, within my daily calories, and lose weight? It has to be accurate for you. This is science, dammit!

It was so scary at first to actually publish my real weight: not what I would weigh on the moon, or underwater, or in a spaceship, but on Earth. And I realize that is just part of the delusion of some of us in the overweight crowd. Who the heck are we kidding? Who did I think couldn’t tell that I was fat? I’ve put up a picture of me with my friends on the sidebar so that I can see the real difference every day.

I joke with my mother that I have body dysmorphia–in a good way. See I never think of myself as being a fatty until I see a mirror. When I do see myself, I think– ehh it’s not that bad. Thus, while real body dysmorphia people see a healthy body as too fat, I was seeing a too-fat body as healthy. So it’s like body dysmorphia in reverse.

But now that I’ve got you readers, I’m far more realistic, and I feel much better about not giving up. That’s a great part about Weight Watchers. They understand the concept of the support system and that sense of accountability that comes with it. That’s why you’re more successful when you go to the meetings. They’re not selling a weight loss technique; they’re selling the meeting. And it’s an effective product when you’re sensible.