Heart and Head Wrestling

I returned from work yesterday to find my partner asleep on our bed. He went out the night previous, got home at 4:30 am, then had to get out of bed at around 8 to go and see the real estate people. He told me that his first preference for the apartments we went to see was gone – apparently they are quite popular and are being snapped up quite quickly. He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to get one for the price he offered and so he would be suck at our current rental property alone.

I told him not to be silly – if I get the one I want and he doesn’t get offered anything, then he will be living with me (obviously not with all of his stuff) until he goes on his work trip (for however long that will be) and then when he gets back we can find something for him. I wouldn’t just leave him to try and fend for himself.

The whole thing has just got me wondering if what I’m going is the right thing. Yes, it is true I am craving my own space again, but is it really worth splitting us up in order to achieve that? I mean, we could rent a two bedroom apartment and I could get a taste of what it would be like to live alone (as I said, he has to go away for work soon) and then we could sort of go from there.

I’m not sure if it is just his fears that are getting to me, or if it’s something more than that. I know I would miss having him around, being able to hug someone when I need to.

Anyway, my partner and I decided to go out for a coffee/tea after I finished work (and after he had a little nap of course) to celebrate Valentines and so we went to a chocolate shop – I still ordered tea but he got a hot chocolate which was VERY chocolaty. We also ordered chocolate fondue with bananas and strawberries which was quite nice but made me feel a bit sick. After that, we went to wander around Target (because it was pretty much the only shop still open in the mall) and I ended up buying a new outfit (which was my reward for doing all the things on my goal list) and he ended up buying a game.

It was quite nice – we’ve actually gotten a lot closer because of what happened over the past week. I am reluctant to change any plans we have in motion though – as a close friend once told me “a leopard never changes it’s spots”. She was right about my ex boyfriend and I think she would offer me the same advice in this scenario too.

I am looking forward to next weekend! That’s when my partner and I will be celebrating Valentines Day (or just generally our togetherness) properly – hopefully going down the coast, spending some time near the ocean and relaxing. We don’t do enough of that.