Lawyer to Latina secretary: Yes, I meant do it now! What did you think I meant, tomorrow? Don't make me go all Hiram Monserrate on you!Latina secretary: Okay, I'll do it now.Lawyer: You don't even know who Hiram Monserrate is, do you?Latina secretary: No, who is he?Lawyer: I don't have the time. Google him when you get a chance. On your own time.

Girl on cell at register: It's like… If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. (pause) If it doesn't? Well then baby, fuck that nigga, cuz he was a douchebag anyway.

–Deli, Brooklyn

Girl: It sounds douchey. But not like "douchebag" douchey. Like "Summer's Eve" douchey.