In my case, people always seem to be able to think of nothing else but food, and more food. (She's fat, so she must love eating, so let's give her food. Actually I hate eating, as it makes me even fatter... Can't they see that I have a problem with food? I only eat when I am depressed, and it is very depressing to be thought of only in terms of "must love stuffing her face").

The worst this year was the community hamper. Now I really feel like I belong on the scrap heap. Community hampers are for those who spend Christmas on their own (yes, I do - thank goodness!), who are old and feeble, have no friends, and low income. Aye right. (Yes to some of those.) Full of stuff I don't want to eat, but will do so, if my depression curve sinks any lower - and how can it not, having to deal with a bloody hamper full of sweeties??? I had taken the delivery of the hamper in good faith, as I thought it was for a friend of mine - same happened last year, because this particular friend was difficult to get hold of around Christmas, but I was in contact with her. And then I discovered that it was my name on the thing. Arghhhh!

Yes, of course, I could throw it all in the bin. But my (protestant, German ) upbringing forbids such waste. (Although I have in the past put entire boxes of chocolates on the compost in despair...) I could take it to the food bank - but that's the same people running it here as do the hampers, so I would at the least have to explain myself, and I hate conflict - can't deal with it, especially not now, in this emotionally charged time, when I'm down in the dumps anyway. (Guess why I want to spend Christmas on my own?)

So - if any of you are nearby, and fancy a hamper, please come and take it away from me!

Oh Ina, not the best eh? Trouble is that there's this thing about older people not being able to shop for themselves especially if they are on a low income so you need to ensure they have food and something a bit better at Christmas. That sort of trickles down to singles living on their own especially if they are thought to have very tight incomes. Sounds like you would be more use volunteering at the local food bank which would give you a way out of being given a hamper.

It's taken me years of being rather rude in explaining that I'm 99% vegan so food parcels and invites to community lunches just don't work out. So you have my sympathy. There are times when people can't do right for doing wrong unless you get it known. Perhaps a word with your doctor might get the information out?

Sorry but I can't offer to take it away from you in exchange for a very large sheep footstool which I know is proper white fleece and which I don't dare use in case it gets dirty. Still if I look after it the family will inherit it in the future.

Yeah, I know - those presents that stick about for years because you fear the person who gave it to you might visit and ask about it...

But - what doctor? I haven't seen a doctor for years. Always have to think what the health centre is called where I am registered. The few times I went there (many years ago) I always had a different locum. I know I have a "mental health problem", but unless you are a direct danger to your own life or somebody else's, there's no money in the NHS for sensible treatment. So I prefer to do without - had enough of the side effects of various ADs in the past.

Thing is, I don't like being rude to people who make the effort and try to be nice to me. But I know it's me who suffers in the aftermath (only people who have a similar condition to mine would understand what that suffering can entail - others would shrug it off and tell me to get a life). Fact is, apart from that hamper I had three presents in all (and before you ask, I sent away 10 that I can think of) - and two of them were mostly food. Not as bad as the hamper's contents, but bad enough. Should I risk putting my few remaining friends off altogether? Or will I just have to suffer in silence for the rest of my life?

Btw - I may be on a low income, but I've just signed a year's contract, starting in January. And I will have my free bus pass, which means I can sell my car - so although the salary is still crap, I will be better off than for the past 5 years or so. :)

Distract yourself, Ina - I'm sure you could put the box to very creative use.
Feet up, hot toddy, a good book and keep warm (which is MY idea of luxury, although I do resent having to get back up to refill the toddy).

Well - keep warm is a bit of a problem... Current temperature in my bed room (warmest place in house) has just reached 14 degree C. Hasn't been this warm for a while! (Guess why I can't grow tomatoes in my house! )

It's a tough time of year, ina - cold, low light, enforced jollity and professions of goodwill that are often noticeably absent the rest of the year.

I think you did right in accepting it, it may not be what you wanted (or needed) but I think that sometimes it's nice to know you're being thought of - even if it's not in the terms you'd choose for yourself. And if you eat the sweets, so what, just try and enjoy them.

And remember we're over the hump - daylight and, hopefully warmer days will soon be here. In the meantime try to do what what MKG said, keep warm and distract yourself. Maybe a bonfire of the hamper would do it - sugar burns very well.

Maggie

Never doubt that you can change history. You already have. Marge Piercy

You could Freegle, or EVEN eBay, the hamper. Personally, I would rather have something that can get used up, be it food or toiletries, rather than something that will take up the little space I have. It's the reason I would buy a seasonworthy food item or smelly. If they don't like the food or drink, they can be used up on their guests, so the receiver would be able to benefit from the gift in a different way.

apologies if this suggestion is unwanted - and it is not about the unwanted gift... but one of the best ways IMO, to deal with certain kinds of depression (that are not totally debilitating) is to see if you can offer any help to those whose needs may be greater than your own. You say that there is a food pantry close to where you live. Might you volunteer to help their a few hours a week? Might there be an adult day care center for the aged or for others with physical (or mental) disabilities... might you volunteer there for a few hours? The point is that I am sure that you have much to offer others and focusing on the very real needs of others can often transform the ways you think about yourself. As for the unwanted gift... I would argue that you have every right to tell those who send you such presents that you would prefer that they donate them to those who really need them. You may have needs but those needs are not to be found in such hampers... and again, I apologize if this post is unwanted.

Thanks for all your helpful suggestions! None of them unwanted, I assure you. Yes, it's true - this time of year is the worst, and I would probably deal with it better in summer...

As for volunteering - unfortunately, can't be done. There's no food bank as such near by; there's just a collection point for donations, i.e. three bins in various places of the village. And as I do have a job again next year (thank goodness), I won't have time anyway; I'll be out of the house for at least 12 hours every day from Monday to Friday, due to long commute. I'm not as young and fit as I used to be; generally, after having been away for more than half the day, I'm just knackered and don't get anything done but cook, eat and sleep. At least now I have a one year contract; before, I was either working like mad for a few months, and then looking for more work like mad in between jobs. Not a position in which you want to offer your services to a charity, as they need continuity more than anything else, especially if they work with vulnerable people.