4.20.2008

The Crazy Lawnmower Lady

So, everyone knows that every neighborhood needs its Crazy Cat Lady. Well, my neighborhood now has a Crazy Lawnmower Lady. And guess who it is?

Yes, it's me.

Earlier this week, I learned that Home Depot sells those old fashioned lawnmowers... the kind that operate solely on human power. I was intrigued by this, and decided I should go to Lowe's and see if they carry them as well. And, I bought one. For only $90, I can now cut the grass under my own (wo)manpower.

You may be asking, "Why in the name of all that's holy would she want to mow her grass with one of THOSE?!"

Well, so is everyone in my neighborhood. In fact, neighbors I have never talked to last night stopped by as I was cutting the grass to ask what the hell was wrong with me. (Really, they were kind enough to disguise this question by offering to let me borrow their own mowers, but I could see the "Jesus, you're crazy, lady" look in their eyes.) And I will now tell you what I told them.

Bryan works ridiculous hours from March-May, sometimes upwards of 80 hours a week. This is, as you know, prime grass-growing season. Last year, I took it upon myself to try to mow the grass, with really poor results. I can't start the gas-powered mower, and even if I get it started, I have a swelling condition that is worsened by heat and vibration, so I end up with hands that resemble blown up latex gloves after a short time of mowing.

We have been talking about buying a riding lawnmower, because our property is about 3/4 of an acre, so it's no small job. Our garage, however, is completely occupied by Bryan's toys, so we need a shed before we can get the riding mower, and, well, we don't have a shed. Ironically, I found out about this push mower in a conversation with a friend wherein I was complaining about NOT having a riding lawnmower. So... I am whining about wanting to mow the grass by sitting on my butt, and as a result I go buy the lawnmower that requires the most physical exertion. Yeah, I know I don't make a lot of sense sometimes.

So after our grass got up to about thigh-height last spring, our homeowner's association implemented a rule stating that if your grass gets over 8 inches high, they will send someone out to cut it and you'll have to pay for it. This actually doesn't sound so bad to me, even though it's supposed to scare us into grass cutting submission, because I always think it'd be nice to just have someone cut it and pay them to do it but can never find someone like this. Still, I know that law was at least partially created because of our yard, and I am a bit humbled by that.

On top of all this, I've always actually wanted to be able to cut the grass, at least sometimes. The OCD in me loves the whole part where you take something that looks all messy and make it look neat and clean. And I am always thinking that I need to get some more exercise, and always thinking that since both Bryan and I have crazy grass allergies I should share the grass cutting duties. So the push mower seemed the perfect solution!

And the amazing thing is that IT WORKS! Granted, one neighbor told me I'm just ruining my grass, but WHATEVER. It's not like we have a golf-course lawn anyway. And it is much easier to go over the shorter grass than the 7 inch tall (by next week the homeowner's association would have sent someone out) grass, but, again, WHATEVER! IT WORKS!

I only got the law in front of the house done, but it gave me such a sense of accomplishment and it looks so nice... and I even can feel the exercise in my arms today. I mean, that's what I call a good time, right?!

This is not to say that I won't either send Bryan out with the gas-powered mower or take our neighbors up on their offer to borrow their riding mower for the other .70 acres. 'Cause we all know I'm not *that much* of an outdoors kinda girl.

It's raining today, though, so the rest of the yard will have to wait regardless. It'll give the neighbors time to spread the word about the Crazy Lawnmower Lady, and maybe next time I'll have people gathered in the street to watch the *amazing spectacle of the pushmower!*