FEAR OF FLYING

Q: I am very scared of flying. On any flight, I get palpitations, I start sweating and I feel boxed in and claustrophobic? How can I get rid of my anxiety on flights?

A: Firstly, one must understand that every human being is trying to avoid or escape from misery, all kinds of misery. No one asks “I love flying and feel great on flights. How can I get rid of this happiness while flying?” So, we have divided experiences into pleasant and unpleasant, and we hanker for the pleasant, while running away from the opposite. And since the world is equally divided into both these categories, we might succeed only fifty percent of the times, in chasing happiness.

So, it’s natural that you want to avoid the discomfort and misery associated with flying. But in order to get rid of it, one must ask oneself “Why does this misery, anxiety or fear arise?” And then the answer will come “I don’t know”. But that is just a surface answer. One has to dive deep, to find the truth.

Recommended By Colombia

And there is only one truth, only one real fear---the fear of death. Why don’t you get this feeling when you travel by car or train? Because the mind does not equate the consequences of a road or rail accident, with the consequences that can occur in an air accident. Any mishap occurring during flying invariably means death. So, it is ultimately the fear of death that is responsible for all our anxieties.

Also, for many people, being in control is very important. When they have land below their feet, they feel they are in control. When there is no land, and when one is flying in the air (or even travelling by ship), a feeling of loss of control arises. And this feeling is itself translated into discomfort and fear.

How can one avoid this fear of death? Firstly, by fully accepting fully that death is inevitable. What are not known are only the when, the where, and the how. These will never be known to us, till we die. And when we die, these things don’t matter, do they? So, having accepted that death is inevitable, we think “Yes, I accept that death is inevitable, but that is so far away. Maybe I will be ready to die in another twenty, thirty or forty years time, but not now”. So, its not that we are really afraid to die, we are only afraid to die ‘NOW’. And this NOW keeps growing with us every day, so that even at the age of 100, our thought is “I know I will die, but not right NOW.” So, no one is really prepared to die and hence fear arises, because we want this life to continue.

But life and death are not in our hands. We don’t even know if they are in anyone’s hands or they are random events. So, more than death, it is the uncertainty of death that worries us. Every flight then becomes a game, where winning means a safe landing and losing means an accident and instant death. But we don’t look at it like a game, or else we would not be so worried. We take it very seriously. But the safety of the flight is not in our hands. Even one percent credit for a safe flight and landing is not with us. Safety for the flight lies with the pilot, the crew, the condition of the aircraft, wind speeds, air pockets, turbulence, other aircrafts, weather, radio communications----the list is endless. And how can one see to it that every item on this endless list is perfect? One cannot. We might be able to verify the aircraft condition and pilot’s capability, but things like the weather are beyond our control.

So the next quality that we need to develop, to get rid of fear, is trust. Trust, not in the airlines, or the pilot, but trust in some higher power---God, existence, destiny, karma, whatever----which controls life on this planet. Once we are able to place our trust on some higher power and are able to accept any decision taken by this higher power, including our death, then there is no fear. But till we trust, fear cannot go. And trust means we have to let go of all our worries, anxities and let go of the need to control. In reality, we actually have no control over the events of our lives, it is only a feeling that we are in control.

Whenever I am flying, I tell myself “If I am destined to land safely, I will. If not, I will not.” If my destiny is to die in mid-air, so be it. But if my destiny is to play with my grand children and die in the bed of an intensive care unit, paying thousands for the medical services and doctors, then there is no way I am going to die today. So, let me forget all about this, and let me just enjoy the flight, and take things as they come.