Rumours are flying in Whitehaven that Paul "gazza" Gascoigne is the latest signing for Cumbrias worst rugby league team as his best friend Jimmy "5 bellies" Gardner has apparently taken over one of cleators finest hostelries.
Sporting a new look as a tramp in the local paper with 2 other equally dishevelled individuals Jimmy has reportedly adopted a squeaky Aussie diatribe to fool locals into thinking he was an RL coach.

Whitehaven 2010 rlfc have declined to speak to the press however an unnamed source close to the club is quoted as saying "well assa after t'carry on with t'cloon fray neighbours owts better than that, n ev urd that is gud wid financial irregularities and fits reet in with us"
With the club in a state of media blackout since the haven fanzine revealed that they had hired street magician David Blaine to make an illegal contract disappear in the wake of the Mattygate scandal we cannot confirm this rumour
Paul Gascoignes agent released a statement saying "Paul has had no approach from W2010RLFC since last years failed signing, he would have signed last year but he's a home and away fan, if they'd hired Alf Stewart instead of Harold Bishop he would be a haven player already"

In a related story Police were called to an incident in Haven town centre when all 7 remaining haven fans fought over shirts with Gazza printed on as Billy Rudd had ran
out of Z's when rumours surfaced on deludedfans.con

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."

It's such a shame you have to lower to typing abuse to get at the coach. The whole Harold Bishop thing was an insult to a decent bloke. Now you have to resort to abusing Dave Woods. This sort of abuse is not acceptable on the Haven Forum, and would not be tolerated. You will not find any personal attacks against GC.

This follows on from calling fans retarded earlier ths week, there may be rivalry and hatred, but some on here have hit all time lows.

Wahey, heres keyboardwarrior with a complete lack of sense of humour as usual. Talking about all time lows, hows that thread about morals going on your moronic site? Its hilarious seeing Jameaters talking about others having moralistic problems, kind of like Stalin saying Hitler was a bit naughty.

It's such a shame you have to lower to typing abuse to get at the coach. The whole Harold Bishop thing was an insult to a decent bloke. Now you have to resort to abusing Dave Woods. This sort of abuse is not acceptable on the Haven Forum, and would not be tolerated. You will not find any personal attacks against GC.

This follows on from calling fans retarded earlier ths week, there may be rivalry and hatred, but some on here have hit all time lows.

HW

Seriously you must be reading a different Haven forum to me.

The offensive rubbish posted by Boxer, Choccy, Red White & Blue, Harry Callaghan about Town,lots of unsubstantiated rumours. I've seen Choccy call Bowden on lots of occasions, and he's notthe only one. Then there were a number having a go at Stack and other players, even in the lastweek some of the things said about Matty are nothing but nasty and personal. You are having a giraffe thinking all is pleasant on that site. Anything anti Town is left on while any Town fans responding get banned by the nazi style moderators.

The above piece is obviously meant in a light hearted manner which is more can be said for theabusive Haven posters named above,

It's such a shame you have to lower to typing abuse to get at the coach. The whole Harold Bishop thing was an insult to a decent bloke. Now you have to resort to abusing Dave Woods. This sort of abuse is not acceptable on the Haven Forum, and would not be tolerated. You will not find any personal attacks against GC.

This follows on from calling fans retarded earlier ths week, there may be rivalry and hatred, but some on here have hit all time lows.

HW

Sense of humour bypass or what!!!!!

"i hate workington town fans with a passion they are the biggest cry babies in rl and boy do they get jealous easy"- Choccy 2012

"if it wernt for me they would have nowt at all to talk about" - Choccy 2012

It's such a shame you have to lower to typing abuse to get at the coach. The whole Harold Bishop thing was an insult to a decent bloke. Now you have to resort to abusing Dave Woods. This sort of abuse is not acceptable on the Haven Forum, and would not be tolerated. You will not find any personal attacks against GC.

This follows on from calling fans retarded earlier ths week, there may be rivalry and hatred, but some on here have hit all time lows.

HW

I believe you are upset as you lack the wit to respond.Its ok it's not your fault your family tree has no branches

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."

Awww, come on now people, poor little fella`s got himself all upset. Better ease off, otherwise he will have to have his mum leave his night light on in case the bad men have him wetting his bed again. Sleep tight princess.

Don't bite their so full of double standards,its not the first time they have used that offensive term in here only last time it was much worse.They can't see there super darlings doing any wrong yet we all know if it was whitehaven players who had been locked up and bailed to appear again they would be full of it .Like the Matty saga they keep going on about what DB said but one thing he didn't deny is Matty signed for whitehaven,but yet again they are so desperate they are prepared to accept anything from him .As for you gonchy lad what a sad excuse contrary to how you talk you haven't been there or done it so to talk like you do about players who have then just about sums you up.Interesting to see if your guilty darlings own up to spare the innocent ones .

Oh wow you cut me to the quick! The keyboard is truly mightier than the sword, and you're right I haven't been there and done it and I have never claimed to have. I was, at best a very average player who's highest level was Carl div 1 and who's career was ended by an overactive knife and fork.
I do however have the ability to laugh at myself unlike the majority of you guys
Would love to chat but I have to get some sleep busy day coaching GB under 17s in the morning

Does

Ps keep hiding behind your keyboard name

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."