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Terrible

Twos?

Last week, we threw my toddler her second birthday party and, like many a randan down Bath Street, it ended up with someone throwing a tantrum.

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Yep. We had hit the terrible two’s with the (not so unexpected) gift of temper tantrums. Happy Birthday mama!

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I was pretty emotional last year when my baby turned one, it seemed like such a milestone.

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Two cute?

There was also a feeling of celebrating our first year as parents, we patted ourselves on the back and said cheers to us, with bubbly in our sippy cups.

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Which, frankly, just shows how much time we had to be introspective about stuff. That’s the first thing I’ve learnt about having a two-year old, they don’t give you time to sit down, let alone think that any of this could possibly be about you!

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In those early weeks and months of having a new child, folk tell you it will get easier. And it does. For a bit. Then, these tiny wee souls that depended on you for food, cuddles and nursery rhymes suddenly turn into crazy little wotsits that need all those things… as well as requiring you to spend 100% of your time saving the little daredevils from themselves.

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Indy has only been double the trouble for a week and we have already spent our first night in A &E. Perhaps that should come as no surprise; Red Bull aint got anything on toddlers, they spend their lives pushing the boundaries of what is humanly possible (not just of their own wee bodies but their parent’s patience as well!).

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One week deep in the land of a two year old and here’s what I’ve learnt:

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Two year olds do not give a flying fork full of potatoes what you have to say about eating their dinner. Or, really, anything for that matter.

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Two year olds do not listen, they’re like teenagers without the earbuds in, they’re tuned to a frequency that doesn’t include parent.

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A two year old lives in a strange no-mans - or mamas - land of small baby and independent child. The really want to be their own person and they resent needing you for so much. Basically, their status reads ‘complicated’.

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They become bullies. They snatch, they grab, they hit, they bite, they holler ‘mine’ at the top of their little lungs. It’s awful to be the parent of a kid who gets hit in the cross-fire of toddlerdom but it’s just as bad to be the parent of the one that started it.

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Two year olds have a sixth sense; generally not for seeing dead people but for sussing out where the snacks are. They will find them - dark chocolate or not - they will eat them and they will smear them all over your lovely sofa.

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They will have tantrums because they want cereal, then because you gave them the cereal and then finally because you took the cereal away.

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Having a two-year old is a bit like attempting a cryptic crossword, you’re rarely going to be right.

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So, you’ve got that poop to deal with but there’s also the other massive clanger in the room. Potty training; and everyone will be asking when you’re going to do it. It stinks but someone’s got to do it (and probably in the next year).

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However, whilst all those things might sound terrible - it’s how the second year got it’s name - I’m hoping it’s not all bad. You see, these things, the tantrums, the crying, the whining, the snatching, the stealing - and all the other crap (see above) - are just signs of a healthy, developing child.

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And that is cause for a party (just make sure the two year old goes easy on the cake!).

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So, Happy Birthday baby (can I still call you my baby?), you tantrum away… I know you’re just developing your own, very cute, wee personality; but if you’re still throwing a hissy fit about the colour of your bowl at high school, we’re going to need to have words.