A small dose of the hilarity I find in life and $0.02 reviews of movies I watch.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Z-packs and candy bodies

I'm making an appearance at work today. By appearance I mean I showed up 45 minutes late (I called) and I'm not sure I'll be able to make it through the day, even if I just sit in this chair until 5:00. On the way to work, I went to the evil McDonald's this morning. I don't think anything else would have calmed my tummy more than a hash brown. Odd, I know. It cost $1 for just a hash brown; it also costs $1 for a sausage biscuit AND a hash brown.

Just a whole day of weirdness for me yesterday:I go to my doctor who gave me a happy Z-pak for my current bug affliction. During the writing of the script, I say something along the lines of "must be all of the Tylenol making me say loopy things." Dr. B. said, "Well, if Tylenol does that to you, you'd be a cheap drunk, then. I know some guys that would love to take you out if you're that cheap." I realize he was just kidding, but I think that was a highly inappropriate thing for a doctor to say. Then again, maybe it's the Tylenol making me think it's inappropriate?

I waited until what I THOUGHT was the last day to get my tag for my new car. Turns out, though, the tag acency goes by the date on the invoice (i.e., when the car was purchased) rather than the date on the temp. tag on the windsheild (i.e., the date I took the car home). The Honda place could have at least told me that! I had to pay an extra $25 because I was unknowningly a day late. Bastard car salesmen!

I then take the script to Walgreens where I had about 15 minutes to meander around the aisles looking at crap I don't need. I stumble upon Jessica Simpson's new line of stuff and I'll have to admit, it appeals to me a LOT. I've thought flavors such as these would be a fantastic thing ever since middle school when I had some cotton candy body splash and some yummy bubble gum lip balm that I wanted to eat. Well, this is what I put on my arm to test out. It was much too sickly sweet smelling, but I had serious thoughts about licking my forearm for hours after. Verdict while doped up on Tylenol: probably won't be buying it anytime soon.

I then go over to my parents' house because I do not own the requisite equipment to put on the overpriced car tag. They've been buying new furniture for the whole house. Our garage is converted into a family/media room and so there are two t.v. locations. They chose to get the exact same entertainment center for both the living room and the family room. And they fail to see why this is odd. It's totally like something they would do. At least I like them.

After being on the "sick diet" (soup, liquids, and crackers) for two days, I want to know: who actually eats saltines on a regular basis? They really aren't all that good. And I'll have to find something to do with the other ½ of this box. For some reason, chili doesn't seem appealing to me at the moment.

And what wife beaters and ugly people out there keep voting for Scott Savol on American Idol??? Maybe he can sing, but he does NOT have the stage presence needed. And since he's the least attractive of the group, it has to be ugly people, wife beaters, and people that live in Ohio (Ohioans?) voting for him. I'm all for rooting for the ugly underdog, but he's too much. It takes more than an arm going up and down and some scrunched up lips for me, I guess. It's also possible that the knowledge of him being a beater jades my opinion, too. And this is the first season of American Idol I'm somewhat actively watching and it's only because there's an Oklahoma girl on it.

In other odd news unrelated to me wanting to lick my arm: Shelby is sick. She's puking and she peed 3 healthy times in a 25 minutes last night. Maybe she needs some of that Detrol stuff or something? Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now....argh!

I really like the Jessica Simpson line, and you CAN lick it...that's the whole point. But it feels a little tacky (as in sticky) on, so I haven't been using it. I recommend the pink one...not sure what "flavor" that is at the moment, "Juicy?" Anyway...good stuff.

So yeah, I dont watch American Idol, infact I dont watch that much of TV at all. When I do, I watch comedy central or anything that is funny. I just like to laugh A LOT! I doesnt matter the kind of comedy either. sick, perverted, political, knock knock jokes. Whatever it is I just want to laugh.

Anyway what was I talking about... Thats right you comment.

Lots of ugly people, even sexy people without talent, make it in the business.

Tom petty, Steven tylor, the head singer in godsmack, and the list really could go on forever.

But ill tell you what. You put me up on the stage. Hell you put me up on the stage naked and I could sell out a whole stadium, but I would have to be lip singing because I cant carry a tune. Once I yelled for help when I was being beaten. This old lady told me to stop screaming becuase I was hurting her ears.

The Jessica Simpson stuff replaced the alcohol with other stuff. It really IS sweet, and it smells good. The funniest thing was -- C and I spent the night with D on the night before her wedding, then we all went together to get reading in the morning. As I am in her guest bath getting ready to go have my hair done, D walks in and sees the perfume. She asked me if it was the new Jessica Simpson stuff and I said yes, so she sprays it on herself and IMMEDIATELY licked it! That was back when I had the "golden" one...either "creamy" or "dreamy"...whichever is vanilla/caramel and NOT the chocolate. But I don't recommend it if you live around a bunch of bees. However, if you're going on a date or something, the fastest way to a man's heart...well you know. He might really dig it and not even realize what it is. As long as you refrain from licking yourself DURING the date (you can JUST wear it, minus the licking part). Sort of like when you have an open house (to sell a house) you bake cookies or brownies...gives the place a "homey" feel and makes sellers want to buy.

Chris, Okay, so no one seems to know WHO you are. But if you're male AND you think all sorts of things are funny AND you would still have stage presence naked in a stadium...well...for god's sake send Rachel your picture!

Oh, and try "Me Head"...no, that's not a sexual come-on or innuendo...it was/is(?) a publication by some local authors that was fucking hilarious! I mean roll around on the floor for a good half hour kind of hilarious. Weird, nonsensical stuff that just GETS you...you know? Anyway, it should be online if they are still writing for it.