What Humans Will Look Like in the Year 3000

I once had a theory that aliens were actually humans in the future. Their heads made bigger to account for increased intelligence, and because of the constant use of a mouse, two wirey fingers would replace the need for five. Turns out, I'm at least partially right, if the article in this week's 'The Sun' has any scientific validity. According to the article (and we all know how accurate The Sun is), we'll look much different in 1000 years.

Of course I didn't expect our brains to shrink, but in the future, thanks to computers, we will no longer have the need for such big brains because so much memorizing and thinking is done by computers (and you thought it was ok that you didn't remember phone numbers anymore).

"Science fiction images show humans of the future with huge brains but big brains are not necessarily the best," says Chris Stringer, from the Natural History Museum.

Plus we're going to be mammoth, about 6 to 7 feet because of improved nutrition and medical science. This is good news, that means in the future there is no more fast food and free health care for everyone is a reality (or that steroids are legal).

Iphones will cause our extremities to enlarge because so much memorizing and thinking is done by our computers and the nerve endings in our hands and fingers will increase because Apple is going to continue to add so many amazing apps. That's right, blame Apple for this. One extremity that will shrink is our testicles due to decreases in male fertility (also likely caused by that damn smartphone and sexting).

"There will be larger eyes to compensate for smaller mouths." Cary Cooper, of Lancaster University, explains: "Communication will rely on facial expressions and eye movements." We'll have triple chins because our lifesytle and fewer teeth according to Dentist Dr. Stemmer because we'll have softer food that needs less chewing and biting.

"We could even get our nutrition from liquids or pills in the future, which could mean less teeth and receded jaws," Stemmer says.

There will be other changes too, thanks to air conditioning and heating we won't require as much hair, so our chests will look like Brian Lochte. Which makes sense since our brain will already be his size.

Great, we're on our way to being Cro-magnon again! Nice job technology.