Mocking the Bailout as an E-Mail Spam Scam

By Garance Franke-Ruta
A satirical e-mail is circulating through the inboxes of official Washington mocking Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson's proposed financial sector bailout. Written in the language of a Nigerian bank scam spam e-mail, the author of the e-mail is unknown. Here's the version The Trail received today from a source with the Department of Justice, who had himself received it from someone at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission:

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

"Grove Parc and several other prominent failures were developed and managed by Obama’s close friends and political supporters. Those people profited from the subsidies even as many of Obama’s constituents suffered. Tenants lost their homes; surrounding neighborhoods were blighted."

"Grove Parc and several other prominent failures were developed and managed by Obama’s close friends and political supporters. Those people profited from the subsidies even as many of Obama’s constituents suffered. Tenants lost their homes; surrounding neighborhoods were blighted."

Stop arguing! This isn't about rich vs. poor, white vs. black, gays vs. straights or right vs. left. This is about big government vs. ALL of us. Wake up!

While you squabble about the supposed virtues of your favorite pandering idiot politician, BOTH parties grow government in order to buy the votes of their supporters.

The interest on our existing debt is $1.93 billion a DAY! The truth is we simply cannot sustain this much government. There is NO free lunch. And no, it's not just one thing such as the war, entitlements, etc.

The Federal government must return to basics; our national defense and a law court system. The rest of the crap everyone thinks is so important can be done by the states or privately.

Under the compassionate Republicans, the rich get richer while the middle class and below either remain the same or get poorer.

Under the compassionate Democrats, it’s the opposite: the middle class and below either remain the same or get poorer while the rich get richer in America.

I believe the people who profited most from eight years of a democratic Clinton Administration was Bill and Hillary Clinton. They went from being a lower middle class family to become multi-millionaires. The mass media estimates their joint fortune at $50 million.

After an Obama administration passes, he and his wife will receive multi-million dollar contracts for their memoirs. They will give some speeches and they will be elevated to the socio-economic upper class of the Clintons.

I believe both McCain and Obama will throw some goodies to the middle class and below. I’m not going to do a comparative analysis of the numbers and kinds of goodies. Don’t forget that it was Senator McCain along with Senator Feingold who campaigned for a ceiling on how much money an individual could contribute to a presidential campaign. This is now law of the land: no individual can contribute more than $2,000 to a presidential candidate. McCain has already thrown a bit of a goodie to the middle class. I don’t consider it a full goodie.

I see both candidates moving toward the center ideologically. At the same time, they proclaim that there is a vast difference in their points of view. Both candidates use sound bites and do some lying to ensure that blocks of voters will remain faithful to them, and vote for them.

For me the bottom line is this: no matter who wins the presidency, the middle class and below will either remain the same or get poorer as the rich get richer in America. As prices go up, up and up, the ability of the middle class to pay these prices will go down, down and down.

I see the essential difference between McCain and Obama being that McCain does not need to become president to get rich. McCain has married rich. McCain is super rich. Under our current socio-economic system, it should happen to all of us. I guess a case can be made that McCain being super rich is more likely than Obama to do things to protect his riches. It’s debatable.

A relatively few rags to riches stories cannot define the goodness of a socio-economic system.

There are other ways to reward people besides money.

When a TV judge can earn hundreds of times more for their work than a U.S. Supreme Court judge, does that sound reasonable to you?

When a TV medical surgeon on a TV ER can earn hundred of times more for their work than a real medical surgeon operating on a real person in a real hospital, does that make common sense?

When Sport Stars can earn hundred of times more for their work than firefighters, police officers and soldiers who fight for America’s freedom, is that fair?

As middle-class Americans struggle to pay the mortgages on their homes, and many experience foreclosure loss of their homes, executives of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac receive bonuses in the millions.

Our socio-economic system is not even good for the kids who make the millions: the Britney Spears, and Michael Jacksons, and Lindsey Lohans. We watch them deteriorate or bipolarize as the paparazzi and the mass media pursue them in order to make more and more money.

There is a solution to this madness.

Logon to the RealWorldNewWorld.com website. Read it. Reprint it. If you put your printers in the landscape mode, you should get a clear copy of it. Share it with a friend.

Learn about America’s mission and America’s destiny in the world and how Americans can participate in this mission and destiny.

Under the pressure of the financial crisis, one presidential candidate is behaving like a flustered rookie playing in a league too high. It is not Barack Obama.

Channeling his inner Queen of Hearts, John McCain furiously, and apparently without even looking around at facts, said Chris Cox, chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, should be decapitated. This childish reflex provoked the Wall Street Journal to editorialize that "McCain untethered" — disconnected from knowledge and principle — had made a "false and deeply unfair" attack on Cox that was "unpresidential"

Wonder if it is true that the actual candidate that bumps off mutual opponent will win in November regardless of issues and poll numbers?

Apparently the mutual opponent is wealthy, exposed corruption within both parties and is presently targeted.

The question is how?

Will the Dems use an OJ Simpson-like black convict with jail time?

Will the GOP use a Guiliani-like mob ties as used by his protege ex-NYPD commissioner who got indicted and may serve up to 140 years of jail time? Or Gotti, Jr. who is in the middle of conspiracy and murder trial now?

Will both parties use the popular practice of "sweetheart exchange deals" where convicts commit crimes/murders in exchange for less jail time, conveniently covered up and real culprits not publicly suspected?

Given this information, do we have to worry about our personal safety too? For example, will we be safe while asleep in the middle of the night in the privacy of our home as our habits and plans are known in advance due to bugging devices all over?

I am telling you, Obama could fundraise us out of this. All he needs to do is set up a hedge fund and ask all his supporters to donate 2500 dollars. He could then loan this to the government at high interest and make money for everyone.