Porny 2014

Jessica Simpson landed in New York last night for some Weight Watchers promotion. She’s doing a Google chat today because you can’t wait to learn from Porny how best to get your body back. After all, she’s the perfect inspiration, non? They released a video a few days ago over at PEOPLE featuring Porny in a pink jacket forcing words out of her mouth about resolutions and rewards and how hard she’s worked to lose her pregnancy weight. She also talked about how she’s definitely getting married this year.

I can’t decide what’s harder: listening to her talk or watching her try to talk. It’s like her teeth are communication barriers, or a protective device, and they’ve taken it upon themselves to stop what’s about to come out – in service of her or us I’m not sure. Don’t tell me it’s just me. Watch the way the video’s been edited and how many times they have to cut into her. At this point I’m not sure why they’re not just writing big letters on white boards and placing them behind the camera like they do on Saturday Night Live.