I came out from love to love! Love limitless, allowing, love of endless promises and the ability to achieve everything and do anything. I am spirit, always have been spirit, will always be spirit. I am all that is good, possible and inspiring. I know everything, everyone, all is right. I believe I can have all. I am apart of all and I am whole, complete and know all is beautiful, wonderful and perfect.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Yesterday was so fun and as the night came in, 6pm to be exact, I had one of those mommy moments that I am not proud of. I am working myself out of feeling guilt I know this is a feeling I so have felt much in the past and it does nothing to serve me or anyone else. So up the latter into sadness. I feel sad because behaving in rage is a feeling I least like and how can I avoid going there again? I know Mitchel is 7 and yet when he is relentlessly unhappy and displaying it how can I stand back away from my emotions and not get involved? How can I help the needs of one while providing for the needs of myself and 2 other children? Up the scale some more into frustration. I look back on myself and know that just leaving would have upset Bree and Carter but Mitch and I could worked things out more peacefully. Up some more into hopefulness. I know that I am human and not all the time do I handle things the way I believe I should. I get wrapped up into the whole self-centered emotion and I know I am learning and growing from it. I did do things I choose not even to apologize for or to write about (I choose not to repeat them again) because then I finally stopped stood back and remembered LOVE. When I returned home I remember being 7 and the only way I had learned how to express my feeling of not getting what I wanted or needed was to get my mom upset anyway I could until I got what I wanted (really did not work for me). I am determined to be a different parent so what do I do NOW? I picked up Mitchel hugged him told him that I will work on my behavior and that I do things that I am not proud of. Then I said all the right things. I think I am into knowledge and happiness Now. He has been frustrated about not getting the video game he wanted since he got the video game last week. He is also frustrated by the current or previous game he has because he feels stuck and does not know what to do.

So because I want my son to be happy and that will contribute to our families wholeness I can help fix his frustration. I know he will learn that things do not make you happy but if your passion is gaming (or at least for now) then it is easy for me to see that what was frustrating him was real to him.

I can feel my tears of joy well up in me, as I give to my children I get, as a stop and quite myself I get to see the solution right in front of my eyes, when I parent from my heart I know that my gift of being a real loving person shines through and I feel so at peace. I am so grateful that I have my children especially the ones that push me to look within myself and become the person I am inside to shine on the outside.

I am grateful to my friends who I know understand and forgive me for I am a work in progress. I am grateful to my husband that said to me last night "you know what to do for Mitchel you are so like him." I am grateful to Carter for saying "your the best mom, when your not being mean." I am grateful to Bree for saying after all the dust settled "mom I am just going to choose to be happy, do you want to watch a movie with me?" I am grateful to myself for I know I am growing and expanding as long as I focus on the now and the unconditional love I have for myself and those around me I can only do well.