Spoof news stories from Sunday 24 October 2010

Memphis, TN-- An incredible tape of The King of Rock and Roll singing all the songs on the 'Sgt. Pepper' album has been discovered at Graceland. The 8-track tape was discovered in the attic of the Presley mansion. Apparently Elvis recorded the tape...

It appears that not only was Alberto Cabero glad to be pulled from the mine in Chile several days ago, he has been celebrating ever since...especially in bed.
After Alberto and his wife, Beatriz, stayed for awhile and were photographed and were gi...

There has been a lot of rumours on the internet recently about Pattinson and Stewart planning a voodoo wedding or commitment ceremony.
However according to a drunken Tom Sturridge, found slumped in a corner of a Louisiana bar recently, the rumours...

Passengers on a budget airline were shocked to discover that a flight they took from Spain to Luton was temporarily piloted by a chimpanzee.
The 23 year old chimp called Trevor was spotted by passengers sitting in the cockpit wearing a pilot's hat...

Estelle Wingardner of San Francisco, California, stated in an interview with a correspondent from AARP recently, "I have to walk everywhere now. I needed that COLA raise last year and I sure as hell needed it this year. I can't afford the bus, trains...

An emergency meeting of the National Football League officials, owners and players was called Sunday afternoon to address some of the issues facing the league. Helmet to helmet tackling, excessive celebrating, players running in to officials and cond...

Yuri Klyzuski's sudden death this morning has caused a shock wave to go all around the world as leader after leader paid tribute to a man who pulled his country from poverty to one of the nicest places to live and visit in eastern Europe.
Accordin...

Although she denied that it was she who was flashing her boobs at cars on I-65 a year ago, Miley Cyrus stated that the latest incident COULD have been her doing.
Could have?
"I don't want to have to return to Tennessee for any hearing", Miley...

Voters are beside themselves, political pundits are at a loss for words and bronzed beach goers everywhere are expressing great concern over Florida Governor Charlie Crist reportedly new pale complexion.
Crist known for his perpetual deep tan and...

Patients have reacted angrily to the news that they may be forced to have swine flu vaccinations. The proposed programme will see everyone entitled to the flu vaccination being tied down and jabbed repeatedly with needles containing the H1N1 swine fl...

Harry L. Reeltor, Superintendent of Federal Grounds in Washington, D.C., announced today that due to a misinterpretation of Section D., Page 4879, Paragraph, 3, permission had been granted to Rasheed Ahamed Reebama, to proceed with plans to construct...

The Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood was highly influenced by Italian art and literature. We sent our art historian Proserpine Gainsborough-Halfwit to run an eye over the current exhibition of Pre-Raphaelite art at Oxford's Ashmolean.
"Review the Pre-Raphaelite thing at the Ashmolean," they said. "It finishes next month."
"Of course - great. I love the Pre-Raphs." I said. "Where's the Ashmolean -...

Following the Saturday night, singing fest and mega ego boasting X Factor, watched by 26 million viewers, it is reported that Danii Minogue had to take time to rest.
She is reported to have been struck dumb by the constant Louis v Cheryl v Simon h...

It was a proper blue day for the noisy neighbours at the City Of Manchester Stadium, Sunday.
Pre match there were tributes paid to Malcolm Allison, who sadly passed away ten days ago, and was much respected, even among the rags from across town.

Stoke City's Britannia Stadium certainly lived up to its billing as the Premier League's noisiest arena as the Manchester United roadshow swept into town.
A pulsating encounter saw United take the lead courtesy of a spectacular back-header by Unit...

Russell Brand is under suspicion of stealing a monkey, but not just any monkey. This monkey is a trained Jewel Thief and is believed to have previously belonged to Indian Street Gangster who prey on the wealth of European tourists.
The monkey...

Gap-teeth, ginger hair, freckles, thick eyebrows - they're all back on the catwalk and in the style mags as the beauty industry tires of perfection.
American dentists report more girls having brackets inserted between their front teeth to creat th...

It was a contentious and ugly debate last night as Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid finally responded to Sharron Angle and her continuing call for him to "Man Up." Reid, ordinarily mild mannered and polite, looked straight at Angle and said, "Sharon...

Henry Balonski, Undersecretary of Real Estate in Washington, D.C. for the Obama administration announced today that approval has been granted to Asam Bin Aleear, to proceed with their plans to build a Mosque on the back lawn of the White House.
Th...

In yet another masterful PR stroke of genius, Wayne Rooney's Agent, Paul Stretford, claims Roo has forgone his $150k birthday bash, and is off to Helmut Province via Dubai 'to kick a Tali for Old Trafford' in an effort to quell
a public outcry over...

The Pachyderm Pooper Scoopers of America (PPSA) Local 443 in Freemont, California has reported a marked increase in the number of elephant pooper scoopers being hired across the country to clean up in the run up to the mid-term elections. Republicans...

It was an irate Justice Clarence Thomas that greeted the press in his Supreme Court chambers yesterday. He shouted out his first words,"I DID NOT have sex with that blow up doll!" He then showed the journalists a large box with a picture of an adult...

Lunar soil is richer than previously thought, with traces of silver among the complex mix of elements found within one of the moon's craters, according to a new study.
The lunar particles were kicked up when a NASA rocket slammed into the Moon ab...

Russell Brand and Katy Perry's marriage is already on the rocks, according to showbiz gossip websites, after Brand was caught having sex with one of the camels used in the ceremony.
The news came just hours after the pair released a statement toge...

One of Britain's best-loved Piers, Morgan that is, has risen like a greasy phoenix from the ashes and re-opened to a "stampede" of visitors.
Officials said over 52,000 people and even some celebs, like Cheryl Cole, visited the talk show host in t...

How is Santa Claus able to finance creating all the gifts for the good boys and girls? He has a fortune of $900 Trillion Dollars that he accumulated through secret gold mining projects and paying the workers less than they deserved for their work.

It was a bad time all round. That was the conclusion of Penny Smythe as she looked at the Premier League table.
'West Ham still stuck to the bottom. I thought we'd get at least a point at home to Newcastle' she complained to Terry who was also down in the dumps.
'Here's my Dad going on about the cuts and I have to put up with my mother complaining about my dirty football things. Just when I...

Barrack Obama has admitted they underestimated the problem of homosexual bullying among teens in America, saying "we thought actually committing suicide as a result would be a bit 'too sporty' for those kinda guys."
The President made a televised...

Amid the media frenzied blitz on the sensational allegations which have not been proven about Wayne and his love of sheep there is disquiet at Lancaster gate that the public have forgotten Wayne likes a bit of pork.
The grunting sound when he is...

The scene of the final battle between the forces of good and evil, prophesied to occur at the end of the world, has been tentatively scheduled to be held in the Los Angles Coliseum according to sources.
An angel from Heaven, whose identity is bei...

FIFA have angrily denied claims made by a British newspaper that they have found at least one person in the organisation who is not corruptible.
Secret filming by The News of the Plebs alleges to show Dutch representative Hertz van Rental refusing...

Somewhat surprisingly, Wayne Rooney has cancelled his much publicised 90 grand birthday bash at the last minute.
A close friend of Rooney said, "After the week's events, it turned out that the only people who still wanted to come were the Men In B...

The man who was fitted with the world's first mind-controlled prosthetic arms died today, when he lost control of his car, veered off the road and crashed into a tree.
Mr Gideon Handlebar lost both his arms in an agricultural accident, but was abl...

Washington D.C.--The United States economy might still being tanking, but politicians aren't feeling the pain. They are enjoy all the benefits of special interest money.
"I haven't seen money spent like this since Paris Hilton had her father's cr...

Amazing scenes on the live edition of X-Factor Saturday night as Simon Cowell's act, the girl band Belle Amie, looking ever so slightly orange, lined up to hear the judges' verdicts.
Louis Walsh decided to take the opportunity to launch a broadsid...

Minneapolis, MN--Brett Favre announced that the whole drama over his attempt to get the deal done with Jenn Sterger, because she agreed to hush money.
"I decided to help Jenn Sterger find financial security and make sure she doesn't bring down my...

Every now and then, Dan Polinsky pulled out the old photo wondering where his long lost daughter had gone. He would fondly reminisce of the one photo left of him cradling her aged 12 years old.
He was too drunk then to remember the moment and too...

Good news for Simon Cowell's X-Factor girl band Belle Amie as they turned in a reasonable rendition of the Pretenders' 'I'll Stand By You' on Saturday night's live X-Factor show.
But as the needle described herein elsewhere between Simon and crack...

Katie Waissel off the X-Factor - until recently subjected to online hate campaigns and media vilification - emerged smiling on the X-Factor's 'Guilty Pleasures' show after she won the hearts of the nation with a retro jazz rendition of the song 'I Wa...

Many years ago there was an illness called the English illness, the longbow disease, la bouef malaise and other variations. This English disease the french and other continentals believed was contagious and safe so long as the English channel remaine...

The apocalypse is now one hideous step closer to kicking off 1000 years of Satanic rule, now that revolting pop warbler Celene Dion has given birth to the AntiChrist, and its brother, Keith.
"The Archbishop of Wales has announced that Ms. Dion iss...