Hillary Clinton Finally Finds A Job She Can Handle At Al Smith Dinner

October 21, 2016 — Ron Chusid

Hillary Clinton botched health care reform terribly as First Lady, setting us back a generation. She was an atrocious Senator, taking the wrong position on the big issues of the day, including the Iraq war and the Patriot Act, while spending her time introducing legislation such as a bill to make flag burning a felony and working with The Fellowship to further the goals of the religious right. She was a failed Secretary of State, between her disastrous intervention in Libya, her violation of the ethics agreements she entered into, and her violation of rules initiated to promote government transparency. I fear the outcome of her becoming president. However, last night we did see her do one job very well–mocking Donald Trump (who fortunately will never become president) at the Al Smith Dinner.

Hillary Clinton did an excellent job–video above and transcript here. Some of her best lines:

It’s a treat for all of you, too, because I charge a lot for speeches like this.

People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants. A beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald sees the Statue of Liberty and sees a 4. Maybe a 5 if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair.

Now, I’m going to try my best tonight, but I understand I am not known for my sense of humor. That’s why it did take a village to write these jokes.

And, you know, because this is a friendly dinner for such a great cause; Donald, if at any time, you don’t like what I’m saying feel free to stand up and shout “Wrong!” while I’m talking.

You know, come to think of it, it’s amazing I’m up here after Donald. I didn’t think he’d be okay with a peaceful transition of power.

And Donald, after listening to your speech, I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it.

Donald Trump did not receive as good a reception. Video above and transcript here. Some highlights and lowlights:

And even tonight, with all of the heated back and forth, between my opponent and me at the debate last night, we have proven that we can actually be civil to each other. In fact, just before taking the dais, Hillary accidentally bumped into me and she very civilly said, “Pardon me.”
And I very politely replied, “Let me talk to you about that after I get into office.”

You know, the president told me to stop whining, but I really have to say, the media is even more biased this year than ever before — ever. You want the proof? Michelle Obama gives a speech and everyone loves it — it’s fantastic. They think she’s absolutely great. My wife, Melania, gives the exact same speech — and people get on her case.

I’d like to address an important religious matter: the issue of going to confession. Or, as Hillary calls it, the Fourth of July weekend with FBI Director Comey.

Hillary is so corrupt, she got kicked off the Watergate Commission.
How corrupt do you have to be to get kicked off the Watergate Commission? Pretty corrupt. Hillary is, and has been, in politics since the 70s. What’s her pitch? The economy is busted? The government’s corrupt? Washington is failing? “Vote for me. I’ve been working on these problems for 30 years. I can fix it”, she says.

We’ve learned so much from WikiLeaks. For example, Hillary believes that it’s vital to deceive the people by having one public policy — and a totally different policy in private. That’s okay. I don’t know who they’re angry at Hillary, you or I. For example, here she is tonight, in public, pretending not to hate Catholics.

Donald Trump was booed for many of these lines. Was it because he crossed the line, or was it because the audience was not familiar with the content in the leaked Wikileaks emails which were the basis of some of these jokes? Regardless, Hillary Clinton definitely did a much better job at taking down the opponent (much as she has done at the debates), and was even the more amusing of the two, even if it did take a village to write her jokes.