My husband and I have what we call a traditional marriage in the modern sense–he is the handyman, and the primary breadwinner; I work part-time, feed the baby (solids and liquids, but he helps with the bottle feeding), bathe her, and read to her (he’s read to her on occasion, but he’s not a reader himself), though we are split on household chores. He does the deeper, once-a-week type cleaning while I take care of the laundry and dishes. Because he works more outside the home than I do, I not only believe this is fair, but I am happy and comfortable with this arrangement.

We both like to do the grocery shopping, as we both cook (though not lately, because it’s summer, and because he’s been working more and I work in a restaurant). This is one of my weakest areas because I hate the dirty dishes that come with the territory, so it is something I want to work on. I want my daughter to see me cooking, and cooking with whole foods (breadmaking will probably be the one thing I’ll never really get in to). I don’t bother cooking seafood (because it’s so expensive, and I would cry if I had to throw it away), I don’t know how to grill (grilling is my husband’s thing, baking, with the exception of bread, is mine), and my husband is a better fryer (and all around cook) than I am, so I leave that to him. He’s good with the grease and the outdoors, I’m good with casseroles and the indoors.

As far as the interior decorating goes, my husband loves my taste, and I have the freedom to decorate our home any way I please. I can make any room look feminine, without looking too frilly.

Anything concerning outside our four walls, including our car, he takes care of. He pumps the gas, and is always the driver. I only drive myself when he isn’t with me.

I pay our online bills, and he takes care of any that have to be paid in person. I am in charge of printing coupons (clipping is so 1990’s) and keeping up with sales and deals, and he does the negotiating. I stay abreast of the free 8X10 photograph enlargement offers at Walgreens, and I reminded my husband (whose birthday it was today) to get his free birthday sub at Firehouse.

Neither of us, prior to marrying, discussed our marriage roles, though we both knew that whoever made the most money would be the one working, while the other worked part-time or stayed at home. If, by the time I finish school, I will be making more money, then there will be not so much a role reversal, but a shift. Whether or not the man should be the breadwinner is the only thing we’re not traditional about.

Like my friend Mandy, I think it’s important to “know our role”, which can sometimes alter or change. How we determine what our roles are, I think, come down to whatever is best for the family. It just makes sense that my husband is the picture-hanger, not because I don’t want to do it, but because he’s better at it. It makes sense that I’m the one who sings to our baby and teaches her new songs, because I sing better than my husband (who I sit next to on my deaf side in church). That’s not to say we should allow our weaknesses to remain weaknesses, but for now, this works for us. Meanwhile, I’ll be trying at least one new recipe a week, if I can just stop forgetting to remember that was a New Year’s resolution.

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2 thoughts on “Marriage roles”

Traditional roles certainly don’t exist in our home. My husband does 99% of the cooking, simply because he gets home from work before I do. He also does the majority of the day to day household chores, while I do the deep cleaning and handle all of the finances, business call that need to be made. I drop him off at work and take the care for myself. He mows and does the majority of the yardwork because I am allergic to everything. It’s all in having a good partnership and playing to your weaknesses and strengths!

It certainly makes life easier! I know people who spend a whole day cooking for the entire week, but I like my food fresher, and spending a whole day cooking (even if relieves us from cooking for a week) just doesn’t appeal to me.