The Minor Heartbreak Of Being Out Of Shape

Being out of shape… gaining a little weight… it sucks. Hard. Self-love is already a challenge for a lot of women, and when we don’t feel our best, we mentally become even tougher on ourselves. It doesn’t have to be like that. It shouldn’t be like that. This mild self-torture of, “How could you let yourself get this way? Disgusting!”… I think there’s a way we can nix these negative thoughts from the start. And it’s simply with self-acceptance at every state we’re in. It’s an understanding that human bodies are ALWAYS in flux. That certain lifestyle routines will get disrupted now and then… thus getting out of shape can happenwill happen sometimes. We need to be okay with that… if anything just for our sanity and womanhood.

Myself? Usually I stay in shape but, without fail, there are a few times every year when I lose my momentum or life ish gets in the way- and I stray from my routine. Usually when this happens, I am not kind to myself about it. I’ll look in the mirror everyday until I’m back to normal and tell myself how disgusting I look and berate myself for getting that way. It’s like any form of self love I had is sucked right out the window. For simply being human. What kind of shit is that? No bueno. (I do enjoy the momentary bigger boobs though!)

I remember once begging my friend to crop me out of a bathing suit picture from her bachelorette party. I was only a tinnnyy bit out of shape at the time but you would have thought the photo of me was straight up blackmail. It wasn’t. The photo was one of the few we had of the entire group. It was a happy, “one for the books!” kind of friend photo that would have been really nice to look back on. And yet, here I was… “Please crop me out!!”… Completely willing to cut myself out of a memory simply because I didn’t “look my best.”

I can hate on myself so hard sometimes. I know so many of you relate. A couple years ago, I was on a work trip in San Diego (where I lived prior to SF) and I remember feeling a great deal of anxiety that I would run into an old co-worker. Here’s why: For 2+ years I worked on the business side of a nightlife group and during that time I was living a very unhealthy life. I was really skinny. (That’s another story). But anyway, it had been six months since I’d seen anyone and by then I was back to being fit, well, and at a healthy weight. I was doing better and yet I was SO WORRIED that anyone I’d see would think I gained weight out of laziness and not because I needed to. Why the hell did I care?! So dumb… not to mention thoughts like that couldn’t be more counterproductive.

But I know it’s not just me that does this. So many women are unfair on themselves when it comes to appearance. We feel like we have to look a certain way at ALL times, when really… we don’t. We don’t owe shit to no one but ourselves, ladies.

I think of how many compliments I’ve given my friends that got rejected. “Are you kidding me? I’m so fat right now.” “Ugh yeah right, my skin is all broken out and gross.” “Thanks, but I’m feeling semi-ugly these days.” You get the point. I’m guilty of this sometimes too.

And I don’t know what makes me more sad. That we have a hard time believing someone could possibly see beauty in ourselves when we don’t feel our VERY best… or that we hold ourselves to almost unattainable standards all the time- and then curse ourselves if we aren’t on our A game.

Because here’s the thing Ladies. We are never going to be on our damn A game 24/7. And that’s alright! In fact it’s more than alright. It’s a lot of motherf*ckin’ work to keep yourself looking your VERY best at ALL times. Is it not? And it’s not wrong to do, (who doesn’t like feeling good?) but to really stay on your A game where you just feel SO fly every waking second… it takes a SHIT TON of time, money, and mental effort. Granted, everyone’s A game looks different, but it’s hard to keep up!

For instance, and maybe you can relate, my *personal* A game would look like this:

I’d be working out 4-5X a week, eating healthy 90% of the time, dry-brushing and moisturizing daily… pampering the shit out of my face nightly. Masks every week. I’d be on my self-tanner game, getting pedicures 2X a month, taking the time to do a good job on my makeup, getting my hair and eyebrows done every other month. And lastly, because it makes a difference, I’d be remembering to take my daily Omega 3s.

That…would be my A game. And COME ON. That is sooooo much work. For me personally, I can’t keep that up 24/7. Sometimes… yes. Always? No! I got other shit I gotta do that takes priority over my beauty routine now and then. Or sometimes I’m really in a position with life where I find, because I am human, that I just can’t do it all. No one can do it all, all the time. Because, hello! Vacations happen! Birthday, family and work dinners happen! Injuries happen! Depression happens! Pregnancy! The holidays! Illness! Sheesh… the list goes on. There will also be times when working out would physically exhaust you. There will be times when, whoops, you had a string of “bad” eating- but that’s just life. Don’t hate yourself for it. Understand that we ARE going to slip sometimes. Be okay with it! Cut yourself -and everyone else!- some slack.

When it comes to the way we look at our bodies, and bettering our generation, I think it’s important to continue the conversation that people are forever fluid in their appearance and that perfection does not exist. Expecting it, wanting it.. can be very toxic. You can get as close to it as you can, or want to, and you can stay as close to it as often as you’d like. But there WILL be times when the ball is going to drop. And that’s okay! We can hop back on that health/fitness/beauty train again when and if we want to.

Even the biggest super model in the world is going to not look her best sometimes. She may have switched birth control, and as a result, broke out all over her face. She may have had a baby! She may have said, “f*ck this Hollywood shit for a month, I’m going on a foodie tour of the world!” She may have been so depressed over something and just couldn’t get herself to the gym or make the effort to eat healthy/put herself together because mentally, she was feeling that down. You never know. So relate this to everyone, not just super models. No judgement. 🙂

The point is, it’s going to happen sometimes (getting out of shape, not feeling your best, etc) and when it does we just have to learn to be like, “Eh! Not going to let this rule me. Still going to love myself. Life is in seasons and not all of them include a perfect diet and workout routine. I’ll get it back if I want to. I don’t owe it to anybody but myself.”

So if the booty is extra juicy, just embrace it. Enjoy it! Va va voom baby. We need to enjoy our bodies at all stages and let go of chasing perfection– perfect is boring anyway! Plus, when we embrace our bodies at all shapes and sizes, it tells other women they can do the same. And that all together is a beautiful thing. Rock it, ladies!

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Absolutely loved this piece! I’m also guilty of a lot of the above – especially not letting myself accept a compliment if I don’t feel 100% “perfect”. Having awareness is definitely a great first step! xo