“That’s the way it’s done”?…. “Welcome to the NFL”? Excuse me Charlie but seriously, WTF…?

I have written several posts on Charlie Crist, the governor of my state who screwed the republican party who carried him to that office in an effort to become my senator… so you know how I feel about him as a politician. But, while watching the latest debate between Florida’s candidates for the US Senate, I had to laugh as I listened to the hilarious and now familiar exchange between Charlie Crist and Marco Rubio. For a man who likes to remind us repeatedly of his skills as a “starting quarterback”, and compare them to the strengths of his political prowess… the poor little thing can’t manage his way past his own 20 yard line.

We’ve all seen the clip… we’ve all chuckled. It was fun to watch Charlie try desperately to keep Marco from gaining more yards, even trying to shove him out of bounds with accusations of steering tax dollars to a university and a hospital to secure jobs. Equally thrilling was watching Marco’s blitz through the holes in Charlie’s defense, the biggest opening being that $13 and 1/2 TRILLION dollar deficit brought on by the very policies Crist supports… Poor Charlie, in spite of his best effort to block his advance, Marco just danced around him and carried the ball up the center for another touchdown leaving Charlie dazed and confused… yabbering something about “transparency” and having created some “Office of Open Government”…

Anyway, there was another special moment, the Hail Mary pass Charlie tried to throw over the head of Marco’s “ever shifting positions on specific issues” play.

“I remember calling a play in the huddle, and literally as you’re walking up to the line of scrimmage, you survey the defense, the facts and circumstances before you see where the linebackers are. And you realize there’s going to be a blitz; you’ve got to call an audible.”

You could see it in his eyes. Just when he thought he had found an opening to get on the board the referees in the crowd tossed another flag of laughter on the play… and as he sat there stunned, Kendrick Meek charged from his blind side, effectively sacking the injured quarterback with the truth about his decision to “call an audible” and run as an Independent…

“We know why the governor is running as an independent, because he couldn’t beat Marco Rubio,”

Yep… “It’s up…. and it’s good.”
Come to think of it, that “call an audible” exchange reminded me of another football analogy Charlie used back during his 2006 gubernatorial campaign.

“I got pounded. But if you’re part of a team, you do whatever you can to win.”

Clearly, as a politician, Charlie’s perspective of the word “team” has not changed from his youthful days as a quarterback. Either way, when he is on a losing streak, “do whatever you can to win” means “play for the rival team”.

The Ultimate Play of the Debate? That’s easy. It was Charlie’s response to the crowd’s reaction after yet another display of unsportsmanlike conduct. He suddenly realized they were laughing at him, not with him.

“That’s the way it’s done”? Well, maybe in the world where people like Charlie come from, where a man’s word means little more than say “whatever you can to win”… So having observed Charlie Crist from the proverbial 50-Yard line throughout the majority of his snake-like political career, it wasn’t surprising to hear those words come slithering from his mouth. But what is up with that, “Welcome to the” freakin’ “NFL” business?

You see, just as my grandmother use to say, “You can’t get caught where you don’t go.” Likewise, you can’t extend an invitation to a place you’ve never been.

“Welcome to the NFL”… Good grief. That’s almost as funny as Charlie admitting in his campaign ads that, as a senator, he is going to “take the best ideas of Democrats and Republicans” to solve all of our problems when he goes to Washington. Of course, most people outside of Florida don’t catch that punch line. It’s really “an inside joke”. You have to live here to truly get it. But we, down here in the Sunshine State, do know Charlie… all too well. You see, we know Charlie a bit better than those of you living outside of our borders because WE knew Charlie Crist before he decided he wanted to step into the political spotlight. We know Charlie always has and always will mark his path through life with the back-and-forth skid marks of vacillation between opposing ideas and the reason he is confined to stealing the ideas of others is because he hasn’t the capacity nor the courage to come up with an original plan nor see one through on his own.

So, in the “here and now”… to all of you who may have bought into all of Charlie’s fairytales from the pages of his football “once upon a time”, gather ’round my children for I have a story to tell… a revealing yet cleverly hidden story, which you may (but most likely never) have heard.

You see, just as Charlie loves to talk much about his “accomplishments” as governor of Florida, Charlie’s musings of his success as “a quarterback” are also nothing more than figments of his own imagination. The truth is, in spite of Charlie’s penchant of rewinding (editing) and replaying his own proud reflections as “the old quarterback“, the reality of his vocation as a football player is just as hollow and as uneventful as his career as a politician.

Charlie began his “career” in football while attending St. Petersburg High School and not only will Charlie tell you he was the “starting quarterback” during his senior year he was also elected to become president of his senior class! Yeah… he was very popular… and he was the star player too… and (even though there is little evidence to prove that Charlie was any good at football), according to Doctor “daddy” Crist, his son could “pass a mile”. Likewise, even though the Tampa Tribune did hail Charlie, Jr. as an “all-city quarterback”… oddly, the only searchable reference to Charlie’s achievement of that status was the quote from the Tribune itself.

Of course, there are a few other little things you might find of interest, things that Charlie always forgets to mention when referencing his football glory days.

1) Charlie’s father was the team’s doctor and,

2) Charlie’s father was on the School Board… and

3) It was very well known that Dr. Daddy. had “more than a passing interest in his son’s athletic achievements”……………… and

4) Charlie’s daddy used his position on the Florida School Board to bribe the Coach with a job in the school system in exchange for giving little Charlie, Jr. preferential treatment as a player.

Of course, Charlie’s daddy denied everything.

“This never happened,” Dr. Crist wrote in a column in the St. Petersburg Evening Independent.

And soon after Dr. Crist wrote his own column to clear his own name and that of his son, Coach Forrest Page was formally reprimanded and criticized for airing the dirty little secret his complaints through the press…

And what happened to little Charlie after that? Well, let’s just say his high school “starting/all star quarterback” career was quite suddenly and most quietly cut short by a mysterious “knee injury”.

After graduating, Charlie decided to attend the small University of Wake Forest, where he hoped to “extend his football career” and (in spite of that “career ending” mystery injury that sidelined his hopes of football glory in high school), Charlie says he became the quarterback for the Demon Deacons as well! Wow.., I mean, it’s just like in one of those made for TV movies, isn’t it… Don’t you just love happy endings?

Truth is, it didn’t happen. In reality, because his father had no influence over the School Board of South Carolina (nor was he the official doctor for Wake Forest’s football team)…. Charlie spent his football career in college as nothing more than a walk-on/bench warmer on the junior varsity practice squad……………………… Damn……….. No matter how many people his daddy pressured and paid off to kiss little prince Charlie’s backside in high school, in college he remained a plain ole’ frog.

(and I extend a most humbed hand of gratitude to Wonket for this delightfully… interesting photo of Charlie Crist and his award winning football style)

So, unable to tolerate the embarrassment of being a nobody in the realm of Wake Forest, at the end of his sophomore year the spoiled little brat “homesick” prince Charlie tucked tail gave up on his dreams of football, and returned to the castle of mommy and daddy. Then, after being the healed by the many kisses of his father’s many friends, Charlie packed up his much revived ego and decided to transfer to Florida State. He made the decision to return to college after visiting the Tallahassee campus “one beautiful fall afternoon”.

“There’s all these sorority girls out front, and I thought, ‘This is college,’ ” Crist recalled.

Yeah… well… That didn’t work out either. So, at the age of 23, Charlie transfered to Cumberland School of Law in Birmingham, Alabama, where Crist finally met and married one of the “sorority girls” he dreamed of. Her name was Amanda Morrow, a member of Delta Delta Delta. That endeavor worked so well that Charlie filed for divorce after only eight months… Still, you have to give the guy credit. Where most who marry too young simply chalk up to a lack of readiness for a lifetime commitment of that level… Charlie made the best of it by using it as his excuse for failing the Florida Bar exam.

“I had come through a difficult divorce; it was a difficult time,” Crist said. “I’m glad I got a second chance.”

(pssssst, Charlie…. ?…. it was actually three chances… but who’s counting, right?)

Yep, Charlie loves to keep spinning those tales of his football glory days… and so does Daddy Crist.

“He could throw the ball 65 yards,” Crist’s father recalled during his son’s campaign for Governor of Florida. “He could throw it farther than the kicker could kick it.”

Yeah… Charlie’s dad said his little boy could “throw the ball 65 yards”… “further than the kicker could kick it”…