“Literally-Everything-Is-Free-Mart” Files for Bankruptcy

COPPELL, TX – The local economy is set to take another hit as Coppell-based “Literally-Everything-Is-Free-Mart” has filed for bankruptcy.

Unlike other big box retailers such as Target and Wal-Mart, Literally-Everything-Is-Free-Mart’s main strategy revolved around not charging customers for the clothing, kitchen items, electronics, and other goods carried by the stores. Nor was there any other method of driving revenue.

Literally-Everything-Is-Free-Mart store employees bemoaned the lack of an employee discount program

“It’s disappointing timing, we had recently moved into the grocery market, too,” said CEO Trent McNeel. “I think that was our biggest problem, we really needed to carry more items to keep up with Wal-Mart.”

Despite their constant flow of customers, the stores constantly lost money. Many industry analysts felt the loses were due to seasonal buying patterns, an increasing cost of goods, and the board of directors’ complete lack of understanding of the basics of the monetary system.

“We had so much in common with other businesses. Stores, employees, products – I’m not sure what we were missing,” said board member Jen Shields. “Just last week, a whole Costco truck drove up, and a group of guys loaded up with a ton of our stuff. I’m sure at least that day must have been a good one on the balance sheet.”

The company is expected to conduct layoffs in all of its stores and get rid of assets shortly. In getting rid of their assets, Literally-Everything-Is-Free-Mart is taking the unusual move of not liquidating them but rather dropping everything off at Goodwill. The flagship store location will be given to McNeel’s nephew, who is planning to move in for the summer with friends, “take care of a few things, and maybe enroll in junior college if there’s time.”

Literally-Everything-Is-Free-Mart had begun the year as a hot commodity among investors, but stock prices hit rock bottom after a 3rd consecutive earnings report showed $0 in revenue and massive expenses.

“We hardly ever had any customer complaints, so I thought we were doing well,” said store manager Dave Powe. “If anyone complained, it was usually that we didn’t have free delivery on the large items. I offered my car, but it was just too small usually. Free delivery would have put us over the top I feel.”