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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Bakers, in case it's been a while, this is your friendly reminder to go ahead and spruce up those window display cakes. After all, without them the customers might have to rely solely on your signage to evaluate your baking skills:

And nobody wants that.

("I'll take a Sahara and two small Mojaves, please.")

Now, your display cakes say a lot about your bakery. Ideally, you want these things to be positive, like "Look! Our cakes don't show the dirt at ALL!"

Or, "Yes, we CAN cut out small pieces of paper!"

Or even just "Divorce!" written in German:

Your displays also showcase the things that are most important to your bakery.

Like spelling:

And the fact that you never make the same mistake more than twice:

And finally, remember: when it comes to drawing in potential customers, you can never go wrong with a really good wizard cake:

Guaranteed to work like magic.

Thanks to Elizabeth R., Mary I., Erin Z., Kate, Catherine C., & C.M., who think that last window might have a few kinks to work out.

Wow. You know why I read the blog every day? Apart from the laughs and hilarity, of course. I am surprised constantly by what people proudly bake and decorate. I've been reading the blog for years, and just when I think we've just about seen it all, then you post a special "wizard" cake. Your site is so educational and entertaining.

I swear that last cake is based on a scene in a movie. Something cheesy and mid-80s, like Red Sonja or one of the Conan movies. Or maybe it was a TV show, something in the Wizards and Warriors genre. I'm not coming up with it. Anyone?

Bahahaha s&m cake...ok I could maaaaaybe see this being ordered ("hi, im looking to custom order a cake with a dominatrix with a peg leg and her slave tied to a bed. Why? Oh...its my moms birthday.") But as a window display?! Either this bakery is in the red light district or it doesn't (read: Shouldn't) cater to children. Oh this post made my day!

We never used the word 'dessert' in our British household in the 70s - the sweet course at the end of a meal was known universally as 'pudding'. So, when I first read the packaging for 'dessert topping' I thought it had something to do with the dry sandy places of the world.

WVA huffi: when I found out I was misreading it I was in a serious huffi for weeks.

I've seen cakes for teachers, cakes for doctors, cakes for women in labor and cakes for young women entering the wonderful world of menstruation. Why should we question a cake for one legged domiminaxtri? Sorry,I don't know the plural of dominatrix. Are they not entitles to a little recognition?

Ah...the rare s&m cake.... A little reminiscent of the movie Pulp Fiction, but I think that was two guys. And, she may have a peg leg, but what is that item she's holding? It looks like something made from that rare bakery resource, dil-dough....

Okay, so everyone is focused on the dominatrix in the foreground of that last picture. But tear your eyes away and look beyond that cake. Look not at the middle one but further back. Is that an actual bowl of spaghetti or a cake bowl of spaghetti? And either way, what the heck?!?!? Why is it there?

OMG there are so many things wrong with that last cake. At first, I was looking for the wizard. Apprently he's another cake in the back, unless the sadist and masochist are his "assistants."

That S&M cake is frightening. The masochist is wearing a mask like the gimp (a la Pulp Fiction) and what is his hand doing?? (it's obscured by the bed post and in Groinland.) And the sadist with her supercleavage, peg leg and multi-strand whip is coming right at us! and why is the mattress sucha shiny pink....

the bug eyed gimp with the zipped lips is freaking me out. and what's on his left hand?is he tied down? is it a half eaten sandwich or pastry written in foil? or a bandaged hand from some terror inflicted by Peggy, the one legged wonder?

I was looking back at the last cake (to see the big bowl of spaghetti that TexAirhead pointed out) and I was thinking maybe it was a wedding cake.The wizard is officiating, and there's the bride with her whip and the groom...I'm just saying it's a possibility.

Ok, I have to admit that by the time I got to the last cake, that is where my thoughts ran amuck. However, that first "cake" (substitute word "monstrosity") is just one hot mess. No "fixing" that thing.

The wizard cake? That was fine. What the heck is with the dominatrix/masochist cake??Jeez Louise!!! I'm sorry I clicked on the pic to see it better. And I hope the hair on the right side of the window was a reflection of someone outside. ::gagging a little:: Thanks for keeping me on my diet.--Blondie's Mom

And what the heck's with the spaghetti?"Oh crap we have to put something in the window to distract the kids from the S & M cake. Uhhh...just throw a plate of bisketti in there, that'll do it."O,o--Blondie's Mom

In the Maswik Cafeteria at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, there was a large sign above the center of the food service area that pointed the way to various offerings, including a helpful arrow directing you to the "Deserts". Sadly, judging by recent pictures online, they've remodeled and the sign is now gone. Oddly enough, if you go in the approximate direction the arrow points, leaving the main road, crossing into the adjacent Kaibab National Forest, and continuing on Forest Service roads, you will find yourself leaving the forest and entering a desert area.

wv: wineses - Gollum's tipple of choice, or the true cause of many of these wrecks.

Hellooo? Is everybody blind? The S&M cake as an even worse horror. Has nobody noticed that Peggy is also right armless? And I don't think its because it fell off by itself. How do you top an amputee fetish cake for pure bad taste. Who are these people??? Jill from Cape Town

Definitely taken aback at the "Wizard cake" (thinks, hey that's not a wizard, it's Epcot!), then had another look and realised that the cake in the back of the photo is a really poor interpretation of a beautiful wizard one by Debbie Brown. See http://cakecentral.com/gallery/1337878 for a pic of a good version of it. I've made it before, and it was a heap of fun, especially the little details like the mouse, the candlesticks and the potion bottles.

I was beginning to think I was the only one thinking WTF about the Scheidungstorte.I'm with Trevor. I do not get this cake either. Is that a _puppy_?!? on that cake?!? um... a birdhouse?Is this a cake of Life?@Anne, sorry, what's a "Wauzi"?

#1 Maybe this is a chain; stores are only located amidst the very best tumbleweeds and cacti.

#2 I immediately went to 'Was Not Was', so there.

#3 I like how the images aren't faded at all, proving that this thing is fresh as a...daisy.

#4 He gets the birdhouse (probably to live in) and whatever those other two things are; she gets the dog and whatever those other two things are behind it. I just assumed the figure in the middle was one of the lawyers. BTW: Wikipedia defines German words in German; Fact Police, beware.

#5 Wall, hail, if it ain't 'ThE LittLe MARMAid'! The title on the back suggests that the front requires decoding; this could be at least a double wreck. Frontal photo, anyone?

#6 I was wondering about the "same mistake twice" commentary until I noticed that this is at the same place as #5 (doh!). At least this cake is consonant with the other one.

#7 Could this be the 'erotic bakery' referenced by Scott Meyer in the back story to the seminal 'Fireman Cake'?

@ Ninja Dude 11 - was a good thing I read this at night and didn't have a mouthful of coffee!

First pic - I think I'm more disturbed that it looks like the sign is displayed on a wall at Value Village - is that for sale???

I think that Peggy's right arm is in the gimp's left hand - take a look and you can see it fell off her and what they just thought - hey I know let's put it in his right hand since the left is well um otherwise occupied?!

The mystery of the scheidung cake continues. A search* for relevant terms did not shed any light on the meaning of the symbols on the present cake, but it did take me on a tour of German picture sites I never knew existed, resulting in a whole new list of things to un-see. Cake Wrecks finds ways to mess with our heads, even off-site.

*No, I did not use Wikipedia.

wv: rengshi. Like Feng Shui, but it applies specifically to the design of cryptic divorce cakes.

Babel fish translated the German thusly:' Ne divorce cake, one, I schmeiß me away *kicher*; I attempt the straight Figürchen to determine, could recognize however only the Wauzi. Who sees more?::ahem::I'm guessing a Wauzi is a doxie?Maybe Caroline B knows. BTW she and Janellionaire made my coffee do a neti-pot. Please schmeiß more kichers.PS On second look, I kinda like the dino cake too...a Rite of Spring type of thing...--Blondie's Mom

I can't believe nobody figured out that last cake. They are doing a scene from a Terry Goodkind book. She is called a Mord Sith. Its a fantasy series that is quite good. I'm suprised that Jen hasn't read them.

Not sure that this is a Mord Sith scene from the "Sword of Truth" series. First, the Mord Sith wore RED leather to hide the blood. Second, they didn't use whips, they used Ageil (magic rod that cause pain for those who haven't read the books). And third, the victims didn't have their mouths zipped shut. the Mord Sith wanted to hear the screams and begging.

Sorry, have to go with "just a creepy BDSM cake" here. And it is very creepy and strange and definitely on my "things that can never be unseen" list. Yet I keep looking back at it to try and figure out more details...

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