Tosha Strahan, 24, looks at her family sitting nearby as she is led out of a courtroom after her arraignment for a single count of murder on Wednesday in Bantam Superior Court. On Tuesday, Strahan was arrested in connection with the stabbing death of 25-year-old David Vazquez on Feb. 9 in Strahan's residence. Esteban L. Hernandez Register Citizen

LITCHFIELD — This is what Tosha Strahan told police: Suicide, not murder, was on her mind the night her boyfriend ended a night of bar-hopping with news he planned to leave her for another woman.

A lovers' fight in the early morning of Feb. 9 at the couple's North Elm Street apartment ended when Strahan, 24, plunged a knife 5 inches into David A. Vazquez's heart. The blade severed the aorta, and the 25-year-old quickly began to bleed out.

Frantic, Strahan called 911, began CPR and insisted to police who arrived at 3:35 a.m. that it was an accident, according to the warrant for Strahan's arrest made public Wednesday.

The warrant, released after her arraignment, reveals details police had previously declined to discuss.

According to the warrant, the couple had been drinking at a neighborhood bar, Turner's, the night of their final fight. Police found a golf ball-sized wad of crack cocaine on their living room table.

Despite her pleading and requests to be cuffed, police allowed her to leave and move in with her mother and grandmother while detectives sorted out what happened. Three others were in the apartment that night, police said. Each told a different story.

Strahan's attorney, Frederick Boland of Harwinton, told the court Wednesday that his client is in a fragile state of mind, and has been taken three times to Charlotte Hungerford suffering from "overwhelming grief and loss."

Boland reenacted what he described as a taunt by an aggressive and intoxicated Vazquez. Strahan had jabbed herself in the stomach, causing superficial wounds, the warrant said. Boland said he lunged at her, plunging his body over the knife.

Prosecutors disagreed, saying Strahan intentionally stabbed him.

Strahan showed little emotion and did not cry or appear overly upset during an interview with detectives Feb. 9, the warrant states.

She told police she was upset with Vazquez because he received a phone call from his 36-year-old ex-girlfriend while they were returning from the bar. She said she had "lost her buzz" from drinking by then.

They were still arguing after walking home. Strahan told police she grabbed a kitchen knife to kill herself.

When she threatened to kill herself, she said Vazquez told her "no you're not" and walked into the knife.

He fell to the floor, unresponsive and then, pulseless.

Others in the apartment offered different stories. They are Mikaila Evilia, 18; Rafael Montalvo, 22, and Michael Carrasquilo, 24.

Evilia told police she saw Vazquez walking toward Strahan as she held the knife. But she wasn't sure if he was trying to move past her or attack her.

Carrasquilo said he heard Vazquez say he was finished with Strahan, and heard Strahan reply that he "was not leaving."

Montalvo said he heard Strahan say "If I can't have you ... no one can," after he told her he was leaving her. After he fell to the ground, he said he heard Strahan say "I loved him."

"It came out of the blue," Montalvo said of the stabbing.

In court Wednesday, Strahan wore baggy blue pants and a sweatshirt with Maine written across it. She said nothing, appearing somewhat dazed when she stood beside Boland before Judge Richard M. Marano, and unemotional as police described her during an interview.

She was ordered held on $350,000 bond on a suicide watch.

Special Deputy Assistant State's Attorney Meredith Blake said Strahan poses a risk to the community in a fragile psychiatric state. A report by the court's bond commissioner's office claims Strahan acknowledged some mental and substance abuse issues.

"This is a murder charge, not assault or burglary," Blake said, the pitch of her voice rising. "The state is concerned for the protection of the community. We don't know her psychiatric stability ... This was not an accident."

Boland said it was, and asked to have Strahan shipped to the Connecticut Valley Hospital for psychiatric care instead of prison. Marano said he didn't think he could do that procedurally.

"She could wear an ankle bracelet," Boland said. "I don't see how this would endanger the community."

Two additional judicial marshals were posted at the rear of the courtroom packed with relatives of Vazquez and Strahan, out of concern over a confrontation. Nothing happened.

Strahan has worked for six years as a certified nursing assistant at Geer Memorial Health Center, a long-term rehabilitation and day care facility for the elderly in Canaan. Campus Administrator Kevin O'Connell said Strahan performed various duties such as assisting residents to bathe and dress and supplemental nursing tasks. "It's a very tragic thing for two young people," he said.

" I have known Tosha most of her life and I am so surprised. She was always a good girl and never got into any trouble. I just feel sad for all the families involved and for Tosha as well. My prayers are with both families tonight. God be with all involved. "

" So basically this chick's explanation is he committed suicide on the knife that she was holding? Interesting strategy, can't wait to see how it works out. I'm no expert but here is a question, If you intended to kill yourself with the knife and not someone else, as you stated, then why was the blade pointed AWAY from you? "

" Yeah Genious, you're right, the problem with these people IS them talking to the cops too much and not the smoking crack and stabbing people in the heart. That's completely fine, no problem at all. What is a "genious" anyway? Is that a proper name or were you trying to spell the word GENIUS which according to the dictionary means,"an exceptional natural capacity of intellect." Now, I'm no expert, but if you can't spell the word "genius" I'm pretty sure it disqualifies you as such. "

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