2 comments:

I can totally understand how that aspect of wedding planning can/could be really hard. I know I went craziest (relatively speaking) over the wedding dress part the first time around…and ooooohhhhhhhh, how I understand your feelings about your body after the Dead Husband Diet, because I feel the same way. If I'd just stayed the same as I had been when I got married, instead of dropping down to a size 6 for a while because I was too sad to remember to eat (plus from being so sick before Charley died), then how I am now *might* not be so upsetting.

You have plenty of time, though, my friend. If you're not up for it until next winter or early spring, that's okay. No one cares when you buy your dress, and no matter what it is, you'll look beautiful in it.

And I think taking a friend or two who really, truly understands might be really helpful. What about your widowed friend in town? If she's up for it, I can't think of too many other people who'd understand and be supportive of your conflicted feelings. (And hell, if you wanna fly to Portland, we can go wedding dress shopping--or avoiding--anytime! ;o))

Star, I agree with Candice ... you have time to lose a bit more weight. Yeah, the Dead Husband Diet .... 20 lbs in 2 weeks, and I wasn't overweight to begin with.I can imagine how scary it must feel to think that you might be putting your "widowness" in the shadows. Or maybe you think that others will think that way? My stomach hurt when I read that part. We don't have want our husbands to be in the shadows .... ever. But here's what I think, and hopefully what I'll be able to hang onto if that time ever comes for me: our husbands aren't in the shadows. Roger is very much implanted in your heart, as Jim is in mine. And here's the amazing thing, which is what you find out once you become a mother, especially a mother for the second time --- our hearts are awesome things .... they continue to grow as we continue to love. Mine grew hugely the instant our first was born. And when I was pregnant with the second (well, and third ... twins) I was so afraid that I would not be able to love those babies as much as I loved my first. It didn't seem possible. And I know I'm not alone in having felt that way. But the moment the next one came .... pow! There went my heart .... a whole 'nother size! So it is when we fall in love with someone again, if we are as blessed as you have been. :) Roger is still in your heart and your heart grew bigger as you fell in love with Mr. X. You are very, very blessed. And, you being you, I have no doubt that Mr. X loves you totally and unconditionally. No matter what your wedding picture may look like. Hopefully his eyes looking into yours will make you feel hot, and sexy, for him. Because of him. And maybe there's this ..... a picture of you looking skinny would have reminded you of the grief. Now that you're not skinny ..... you're happy, right? Well, except for the weight but set that aside for a moment. You are happier in your life. You have found joy. You have found love. And that, my friend, will be what you see in that picture. Just look into the two sets of eyes when you get your pics.I wish you the best with the dress shopping. Take friends ... and champagne. And watch the fun begin. : )

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About Me

I am a young widow but that isn't all I am. I am a photographer, teacher, cat owner, traveler, remarried widow, and many more things to come. This blog is about the discovery of widow-ness, what that means, and all the adventures post loss. I was married to my best friend and lost him on August 28, 2008 after only six months of marriage.
I am starting to piece together my life with the continuous support of my friends and the infamous Mr. X to figure out who I am without letting widowhood define me.
http://rogerandstar.googlepages.com/ourstory