Tag: advice

My word for 2018 is present because I find myself struggling to be happy in the moments I’m in. I wrote a post a while back asking for advice and a lot of you offered really manageable tips for me to integrate in my life.

So here’s a few things I am going to try to do to become more present. I don’t want it to be September of 2018 when I realize I’m just starting to get the hang of it, it’s something I want to happen now and be able to maintain for the rest of my life.

Continue with my gratitude journal.
I got a little off track with this so I will be writing, daily, the things I am grateful for.

Do one thing every day that forces me to unplug.
I am on technology constantly. I want to spend at least a half hour every day reading, painting, cleaning, taking a bath, or doing something offline.

Set an alarm on my phone that makes me stop and think about how I feel in the moment.I’m thinking around 3:30 every day (around the time I am crashing at work) I will have my alarm go off and I will analyze my senses and feelings. It takes just a second to remind myself to snap out of the day dreams and enjoy today.

So far, that’s my plan! I think incorporating little things every day will help me get into a more present mindset on a large scale. I’m open to more tips if you’d like to leave them in the comments!

I often see the worst in people. So when someone tells me they will change, I barely believe them. This is partly because I don’t want to be disappointed and partly because most of the time, they don’t change.

I think there are the parts of us that make us who we are and those are the parts no one should ever ask you to change. Whether it be your friends, a significant other, or family. They can’t ask you to change, but they shouldn’t be forced to deal with something they don’t like. So you can try to change for your significant other or you can let the relationship go.

If you’re asking someone to change and they’re unwilling or can’t see why they need to change, then it will never happen. You’re putting all your eggs in a basket that’s ready to fall apart.

If they can see the change that needs to be made, they may have a greater chance at actually making that change. But most of the time, relationship problems come from the core of someone. It comes from a part of their personality that has been there for years, something that is deep rooted. Can people really change those parts of themselves?

It all depends on your want or need to change and the recognition of the problem. I’m sure people can change, I just rarely see it.

People are going to disappoint you in life, it’s just going to happen. They’re going to lie to you, lead you on, put in less effort, hurt you, or pretend to be someone they’re not.

You’re going to disappoint yourself in life, it’s just going to happen. You’re going to make the wrong decision, you’re not going to speak out when you should, you’re going to lie or hurt someone or be someone you’re not.

The only way to deal with it is to analyze the situation and decide whether it deserves your forgiveness or not. Because not everyone will. And dropping them from your life might be hard, but necessary. And some people do deserve your forgiveness. It might be hard to give it to them. It might be hard to forgive yourself.

The hard times in life end up being the times where decisions are made that can better your life. When someone disappoints you, only weigh your feelings on the matter. No one can tell you or convince you how to feel. Then take those feelings and make the best decision for yourself.

Disappointment hurts, there’s no way around it. But in these time, put yourself first and be a little selfish. You’re the one who hurts, so you are allowed to decide how to make yourself feel better.

Sometimes I feel like I’m going nowhere. I feel stuck in the same place and the constant need to do more, be more, see more. And I know a lot of people can relate. It sucks to feel like you’re not progressing.

But you are.

Last year, I made a 2016 fall bucket list and checked off many of the items happily. This year, I did the same and kind of feel underwhelmed by my activities and my goals. I feel like I can’t reach them and I feel like it’s just a repeat of last year.

But it’s not.

Every year, every day, no matter who you are, we are growing and learning and improving upon ourselves. Last year I had a goal to reach 2,200 Instagram followers. This year the goal is 6,500 Instagram followers. I’ve grown 4,000 followers in the past year and I worked really hard and felt really great when I was hitting those small strides. I forgot to stop and congratulate myself.

I just keep chugging along without stopping to look back and see my improvements and how much I’ve grown. And that kind of becomes a depressing way of life. Even though I’m setting these goals, nothing is driving me to finish them anymore.

I don’t want to finish them anymore because I never stop to reward myself for the things I’ve done. I check it off the list then create another goal. But why did I go through all that work? Why wouldn’t I want to celebrate? Because when you don’t stop to recognize your achievements, you think you’re not improving. But you are, we all are. We just need to take a moment and pat ourselves on the back.

Sometimes the only way to do the things that need to get done to be happy is by stepping out of your comfort zone. And I don’t think we often think about that as a way to happiness. Because I know for me, stepping out of my comfort zone gives me anxiety and makes me feel absolutely horrible. But the reward for doing so could be the happiness I’m missing.

There are so many things that we don’t do, but kind of want to do, because it doesn’t feel comfortable to us. We don’t go places alone, we don’t try new foods, we don’t go new places. Because we’re afraid of being alone, uneasy about eating something weird, and scared of being somewhere unfamiliar.

But if you have no one to go with to see your favorite band, will you go alone or not go at all? Are you missing out on something that will potentially be fun, your new favorite place, your new favorite food, or hobby?

Even if it’s a little painful, sometimes we have to take the risks to get the reward. Sometimes you have to force and claw your way out of your comfort zone, because you might find happiness there.

I feel like I have been through so many versions of myself. I was once shy, cold, and moody in high school. I was a push-over and boyfriend obsessed my first half of college. I was reckless and couldn’t be caught when I graduated college. And now I am settled, finding new parts of myself, and trying to fit in the old parts.

But the old parts make me cringe. Parts of my life that I used to be so fond of now seem so embarrassing. I have a hard time accepting my past, so I try to just repress the memories. Some of them were good, some were bad, but my over-thinking self really only remembers the times when I felt the worst.

Accepting the past is hard because dwelling on mistakes is easy. Even though I’ve moved on in life and those experiences got me to where I was, I still kind of wish they never happened.

I drank too much sometimes, kissed the wrong guys in the wrong places at the wrong time. I turned down opportunities to make other people happy. I held on to friends who were never good to me. And it all still hurts like fresh wounds when I let the thoughts creep back.

How do I accept the past when the bad times simply blind me? I want to enjoy the life I’ve lived, not regret it.

I think there is a lot of pressure to be happy. When you work somewhere, when you’re out with your friends, when you’re in a relationship…everyone assumes that because of where you are, you should be happy.

But that’s really not always the case and it’s not always because of the people around you. You might be sad. And it’s not because you don’t have a great job, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends or family. It’s just because at this moment in time you don’t feel all that happy, and that’s okay.

It’s hard to admit you’re just sad especially when you can’t pinpoint the reasoning behind it. Then people don’t understand, they blame themselves and they blame you. But sometimes life gets stagnant, sometimes you didn’t sleep that well for a week, sometimes you feel a little lost and all of that builds up to a sadness that isn’t anyone’s fault.

And the more we deny what we’re feeling, the more we convince ourselves that we should be happy so we are happy, the more sad we actually get.

It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to tell people you feel sad. No one is 100% all of the time and I can almost guarantee the moment you admit your feelings will be the moment that a lot of things come into perspective A step out of feeling sad.

It’s a lot of pressure, life. Everyone’s always trying to one-up each other in their woes and tragedies. But no matter what your situation, whether it be life and death or a flat tire. It’s okay to be sad, stressed, and overwhelmed.