Whether you’re swapping filthy text messages with your primary partner from your respective offices or having a dirty evening in with a bunch of strangers on the other side of the world, there are a few things you can do that will help everybody get off better.

1. Consider your medium

Cyber sex via email and text messages might be convenient, but if the plan is that one or both of you will orgasm during this conversation they might be a bit too prone to delays—instant messaging is a better choice.

2. No typos

Use good grammar, spelling and punctuation. I’m not saying you have to be Proust, but the way you write is just as important as what you’re writing. Call me old-fashioned, but “i suk ur dik” just isn’t very sexy.

3. Keep things natural

Put some thought into how you approach the scene. People often try to have cybersex as though they’re co-writing a story. “I kneel down, looking up at you, and wait for your response”, says one person, and the other replies with “I start to slowly undo my belt”. This can be great, but it can also get a bit too far removed from reality to stay engaging—especially when people do it badly.

My personal pet peeve is the use of emotes - when someone types ‘**pushes you onto the bed**’ or whatever instead of describing it properly. Avoid the present tense if you can. Try starting with something like “If I was there right now, I’d…”, or “I want you to fetch your favourite toy and…”

4. A little planning goes a long way

Have an idea about where you’re going. Obviously, the best part of cybersex is that it’s not entirely under your control—there’s another person involved. It’s a good idea to have a rough picture in your head of where you’re going with the scene you’re creating, though; that way you’ll stay a little more on track and you’re sure to get what you want out of it. Don’t overthink it, but do keep it in mind.

5. Curate the selfies. Please.

Be inventive about your visual input. If you’re going to send photos or videos to your partner, you’ll both enjoy the experience more if you put some thought into them. Bland photographs of out-of-context penises and oddly anatomical close-ups of anonymous-looking labia are not usually the way to go. A little composition will really make a difference.

6. Don’t forget the aftercare

Cybersex can still have a physical or emotional effect on the people involved. It’s a good idea to stick around for a bit afterwards to do the virtual equivalent of cuddling—just having a chat and making sure everyone’s happy.

Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to genre fiction, social justice and M.A.C lipstick. Follow her on her website or @see_abi_write.
Images by Scott and brettjordan via Flickr with CC BY 2.0 license