'Fifty Sheds of Grey' tweet collection arrives Tuesday

'Fifty Sheds of Grey' tweet collection arrives Tuesday

Fifty Sheds of Grey by C.T. Grey, based on the popular Twitter feed @50ShedsOfGrey, comes out Tuesday in trade paperback. The Twitter feed, with nearly 95,000 followers, uses gardening to parody the mega-selling erotic romance by E.L. James. Here are some sample tweets for just a taste of what’s in store. (You might not want to be drinking anything while you read these — spew takes could occur. Just a friendly heads up.)

My heart raced to see her lush, overgrown lawn — such a rare and wondrous sight. Nowadays the tendency is for just a small strip or no lawn at all.

It was damp, uncomfortable and didn’t last very long but it’s true what they say — you never forget your first shed.

From that first encounter I was hooked — I just couldn’t get enough of sheds and mowers. Or S&M for short.

I stared longingly through the shed window and adjusted my trousers. The sight of her dewy, slightly unkempt lawn had awoken my inner gardener.

She told me she was kinky — so I left the shed light on.

We stood alone on the idyllic white beach. She shed her clothes. I shed my inhibitions. At that moment I knew it would always be about sheds.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot …

I was excited, but nervous. I’d finally been accepted into the BDSM community — Builders, Decorators and Shed Maintenance.

She gazed up at me wide-eyed from the shed floor and bit her lip seductively. Unfortunately it was her top lip so she looked like a piranha.

So this was it — it was really going to happen. Every man’s ultimate fantasy … three in a shed.