04 November 2010

It continues to be the case with me that the things I expect to be difficult (going into his nursery, visiting his grave site, seeing babies out in public) aren't as difficult as I anticipate them to be. For me, the difficulty continues in those unexpected moments of stillness and silence and remembering. The tension between the truth of what he now enjoys and the loss we must endure continues to pull at me.

Sometimes the hardest thing is just to let that tension be -- not to ask the feelings to surrender to the truth or for the truth to surrender to the feelings. Just to let them both remain.

My life has had an overarching theme of Seasons. Rebecca even did a gorgeous embroidered piece for me on my 40th birthday, showing the four seasons. Ecclesiastes 3 underscores the truth that there is a season for everything.

"...a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak..." (3:7)

It's okay, whatever you are feeling and doing now. And, my dear friend, it is a Season that will pass. XOXO