Swimmer Lacroix returns to form

Canada’s Audrey Lacroix is back in form at the Commonwealth Games after dealing with anxiety. (SERAN KILPATRICK / CP)

GLASGOW — Audrey Lacroix needed help.

The butterfly specialist was coming off a string of poor results and on edge emotionally as the pressure to make Canada’s Olympic swim team for the 2012 London Games mounted.

It didn’t seem like anything was wrong on the outside, but Lacroix couldn’t figure out why she was so far off her usually high standards.

“I was kind of swimming against myself,” said Lacroix, who would get so nervous she couldn’t eat on race days. “I was my own worst enemy. It was hard to deal with the bad days.”

The Pont-Rouge, Que., native eventually sought medical advice with her spot at the Olympics in jeopardy and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that was controlling her life both in and out of the pool.

“It was hard to admit at first that something was wrong and that it was a big deal,” said Lacroix. “At first I started not doing well and would minimize the situation and didn’t ask for help. I waited a little bit before looking for people around me to support me. Once I was on a mission to get better all the pieces of the puzzle started to come together.”

Lacroix eventually made the Olympic team for London, and with the help of teammates, coaches and medical staff, finished 12th in the 200 butterfly.

“The goal was just to race and to have fun and to live the moment,” said the 30-year-old. “It was little steps that put me on that Olympic team. Once I was on the team it got easier because I started believing in myself again.”

Lacroix is in a much better place now than those dark days two years ago, and will compete in both the 100- and 200-metre butterfly at what will be her third and final Commonwealth Games.

The two-time Olympian learned a lot about herself as she dealt with her mental health issues, with a big moment coming when she stood up in front of her teammates to tell them her story.

“I was really humble about it. I knew they would be understanding because they were high-level athletes as well,” said Lacroix, who won silver in the 200-metre butterfly at the 2010 Commonwealth Games. “They were also trying to make that Olympic team. They were people just like me and that’s why I knew they would understand because they knew what it was like to be at that level in the sport. I really trusted them.”

One of the unusual steps Lacroix took to relieve some of the pressure that would build up inside was asking coach Benoit Lebrun and her teammates to call her by the name Penny instead of Audrey.

“There was always a lot of expectations on Audrey all the time,” said Lebrun, adding that his swimmer’s first name brought back bad memories of failure in competition. “It was an important step for her because it made her see this is going to be a new life.”

Lebrun said Lacroix chose Penny because it was her favourite name, adding: “Now I call her Audrey again, but some people in our group still call her Penny.”

The coach said it was important that Lacroix deal with her issues not just for her athletic future, but also her life away from sport.

“It was interesting to see her stepping forward about her anxiety. I could see from that time she was getting better but the process takes time,” he said. “Now she can deal with situations she couldn’t before and she would be blowing a gasket.

“When sports ends athletes have a life. That was my goal for her. I said ‘I’m going to help you through this but more importantly this will help you when swimming is over to manage a job, manage a family.“’

Lacroix has re-dedicated herself to her sport, is a stronger swimmer than she was 10 years ago and could challenge for a podium spot in her two distances in Glasgow, including Thursday’s 200-metre race.

She’s still monitored by team doctors, but has gained the ability to control the anxiety on her own by using methods that include meditation.

“When you’re dealing with a really hard situation like that you need to be 100 per cent into it. Every detail is important,” said Lacroix. “Now I don’t neglect little details because I know how much it can make a difference in a performance.

“I still have days that are a little bit harder, but I think that now that I’ve been through the worst of it I’m really well equipped to deal with it.”