Whitechapel - OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)Sun, 02 Aug 2015 15:37:16 -0500http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/
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OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342420#Comment_342420
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342420#Comment_342420Sat, 20 Oct 2012 08:13:12 -0500Horrible Warning SiThe THREE ACT SPEAKEASY is here for you to vent, to express, and to learn. This is your chance to perform -- but you're also in the audience, guv, and are expected to behave as such. So your skits at the steely Whitechapel microphone will ALL and ALWAYS be divided into three sections:

2: The Huzzah. Wherein you tell us something which goes just a teensy way to mitigating the effects of the psychic turd you just laid on our heads. Perhaps it's a tiny hint of hope in an otherwise bleak situation. Perhaps it's an unrelated Thing Which Happened which made you smile rather than frown. Shit, maybe it's just a silly joke. Show us you can cope as well as carp.

3: The Applause. You will choose one of your fellow whitechapellers, from this same thread. Doesn't have to be the person who posted before you - just someone whose story touched you. And you will offer them a word of advice, or comfort, or support, to help them with their own SECTION 1 Whinge. Doesn't have to be much. A sentence, a word, a bloody emoticon - whatever. Just a paltry donation to the art of Thinking Of Others. And try to avoid schmaltz, please, or the Urethral Maggots will feast anew. Circle of life, kids.

Naturally, the first person to respond here is excused from Stage 3.

Begin. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342432#Comment_342432
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342432#Comment_342432Sat, 20 Oct 2012 16:23:31 -0500roadscumI am currently getting my internets via the digital equivalent of two empty cocoa tins and a bit of string, namely tethering my phone to my laptop and placing myself at the mercy of the somewhat erratic 3 mobile signal.This is because i got a little bit fed up with the technical help i was getting from the ever so polite but effectively useless bods at BT and in what can only be described as a rage driven fit of pique, told them to cancel everything. Including my phone line. Clever, that. Now i have to sort out new e-mail addresses before the old ones expire at the end of the month, re register my flickr account and sort out a new broadband supplier. Unfortunately as far as Virgin Media are concerned, my address doesn't exist, despite the flat downstairs having been a customer for a while. Hmm, there's a thought, maybe it's because the flat downstairs was a customer for a while... Anyway, for the time being at least, i am a non person on their system and cannot be connected. All the other broadband providers need a BT line and i've just gone and cancelled that. I could go on, it's not that important, it's a pain in the arse but i will get it sorted out, i've been through worse, just a bit. All things considered i feel a bit guilty moaning about it here, but there you go, first world problems and all that.

Next up:- Work. People ask me to do things, the sensible response to which should be a curt 'No, fuck off.' I open my mouth to say this and before i can do anything to stop it, a 'Yes, ok.' falls out instead. I recently found myself agreeing to a delightful combination of mixed night and day shifts which leaves me with less money, more work and, on my days off, not sure if i should be awake or asleep. It is hammering me into the ground and not at all good for my state of mind and it's all my own bloody stupid fault. Fortunately i can afford to turn around and say 'Sorry chaps, this job is soooo lovely i feel bad about keeping it all to myself, i'm going to let you give it to someone else to enjoy now' Or words to that effect. It is possible that the phrase 'Bucket of shit' may be used at some point.

All this being so tired i don't know whether i'm awake or asleep has had a knock-on effect of putting me out of the running for a number of pleasant entertainments that should have been shared with other people and has left them somewhat disappointed with me, which is going to take some effort on my part to undo and leaves me feeling like i've let them down, which i have. I really must learn to say no top things, especially work.

Finally, Health. Still feeling, more often than not, like crap. Off to hospital next week for more uncomfortable and undignified pokings and proddings without much hope of any meaningful results. I am somewhat disappointed that none of the assorted medical professionals that have previously poked, prodded, bled and whatevered me in increasingly unpleasant and ingenious ways appear to have the faintest clue as to what is going on and why i am feeling so bloody ill most of the time. Things are going on which really are not very nice and make life more than a bit difficult and the best i get is a few pills of dubious effectiveness and told i'll just have to put up with it. I am certain that this could be sorted out properly given sufficient effort, i am almost certain that if i want that i'll have to get it privately, which i am just as certain will be out of my financial reach. This is annoying. Still, i am not dead, which is good.

Now, the goods: First up my thanks to Allana and Mr Sizer, it's always nice to receive a little positive feedback, more so when one is a little down in the dumps. I could go on, it would get embarrassing, so i won't. But thanks, it was nice.

And, even though i am like a shuffling sleep deprived zombie most of the time at the moment, i managed to get out and take a few more night pictures (the night shift helped) and managed to get at least one that i quite liked.

Also, i have food, money and secure accommodation, i live a comfortable, cosy life that i could only dream of in my younger days. Admittedly, things are not entirely perfect, but i am not dead, and that gives me a whole range of options that would not be available if i was. The world is going to hell in a handcart, life is shit and then you die and all that, but fuck it, i am still breathing, there are places i have not been, there are sights i have not seen, there are things to do!

The applause: Mr Flecky, because i really, really want you to win and i know what a vile roller-coaster you're riding. There will be ups, there will be downs and you will be sick, at least at some point. Stick with it sunshine, you are going places, you really are.

Oldhat. Depression is a beast, it can be beaten though. Getting out and doing things helps, at least in my experience. Your pictures are fascinating and inspiring and there haven't been enough of them recently, i hope we get to see some more here soon. The only thing you can do about the past is try to get over it. I know i'm sounding horribly trite, but you are better than you think you are and there are more things in front of you than you can see, i hope you manage to get out there soon and have a look around.

Allana. Never underestimate the stupidity of the people you have to work with.

Getting my wisdom teeth yanked tomorrow. It shouldn't be too bad since it's just getting teeth pulled (they're not impacted, I'm getting them pulled because my jaw is completely out of alignment and when I bite down they're the only ones that touch now), but none of it is covered so I'm paying for the whole thing out of pocket. That's gonna be pretty uniquely fiscally painful. At least I'm not out the $500 dollars the general anesthesia would cost me (I'M GONNA BE AWAKE, BITCHES).

Also mood or whatever.

The Fugly Huglies

@Roadscum, it's nice to see you around here. I hope your health stuff gets sorted out! Getting poked and prodded is no fun. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342465#Comment_342465
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342465#Comment_342465Sun, 21 Oct 2012 19:43:48 -0500trini_naenae
Job sucks, not enough hours, exhaustion, depression, general post-excitement lows etc. So I guess the usual? I can't wait for the election to be over because for the most part, the ads etc is just... annoying and depressing and shitty. I really miss my old job, and my friends from that job. I suppose the contrast from my old job and my current job is the most depressing. Woo hoo.

Arse!If you hadn't guessed, Father Ted reference hur hur. I went to a play last night with my former (totally awesome) boss. I may live in a town of around 2,000 people, but somehow the town manages to support a very active theater. Among other fancy stuffs. I'm going to be doing something fun tomorrow, though I'm not sure exactly what. I'm working out a deal with my mom where we help each other with chores so that cleaning actually happens (and sucks less).

Drink!@roadscum: "shuffling sleep deprived zombie" I wish I did not relate to that phrase so much. I hope you get better at saying no to your co-workers and get some sleep. Because you know, sleep = the best thing ever.

@oldhat: Hugs for all the shit you've been having to deal with.

edit: apparently I took a little long to comment, so here's to the fabulous @dorkmuffin: The Fiona Apple photos are pretty sweet. I've had my wisdom teeth pulled, and while the needles in my mouth is freaky freaky shit (novacaine etc), once that's past, it's really not that bad. And hey, at least it's not a filling so you don't have to listen to a drill in your mouth. I'm sorry you have to pay for it out of pocket, that always sucks. Actually, lack of dental insurance etc is why I haven't been to the dentist in quite a while. So, yeah. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342511#Comment_342511
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342511#Comment_342511Mon, 22 Oct 2012 08:38:58 -0500textureNEGATIVE CHARGE

Got drawn into a flame war with a pre-op transgender militant feminist noise artist (yes, really) about depictions of vaginas in my writing. Accused of being a misogynist, and generally pilloried up and down the Facebooks, which was made worse by most of my friends acting like three-year olds or illiterate 4Chan trolls. The whole thing's still going on - apparently she called the cops on me today because I "threatened" her in the discussion (needless to say, I didn't). The whole incident was very stressful and tiresome, and as a result I've decided not to post on my Facebook personal page any more. Still on there, PM-ing and admin-ing pages and groups, but I feel like I've been burned by stupid, pointless flame wars too often now to make it worth my while being there. A shame, as I enjoyed FB and most of the chats / discussions I've had there, but it's not worth stressing myself out over. Now waiting to see if the police arrive at my door. Pretty sure they won't.

POSITIVE CHARGE

We released the first synthpop album to grace the Black Lantern site - COLLAPSE by MR MORSE. These guys are Ukrainian - they found us via the filesharing sites in Eastern Europe, who have re-upped and re-posted a bunch of the label's content. When we started, it was a label for about six close friends in Scotland. Nowmost of our downloads come from the US and the former USSR, we average about 1500 downloads for each artist, and we're negotiating paid, proper distribution for three or four of our artists. Finally feels like the label is a proper 'going concern' and it's a huge personal victory to be able to keep releasing stuff of such a high quality, reflecting my changing tastes... I'm proud of the hard work I put into this label.

- I feel pretty shitty saying that I'm still going through the things from the last Open Mic thread. Especially since good things are happening. But I don't know. It's why I'm distracting myself, I guess. Once the distraction or awesome thing is done it's back to the numbness and I...blegh. I honestly hate talking about it, even though this is pretty much the only place I DO talk about it. Trying to talk to parents is worthless and with friends there's too much of a mixed reaction among them that I'd rather just not say anything (a mix of not wanting to make them feel awkward and me not wanting to make that topic suck the fun out of things). But the concern and asking if I'm alright is nice to experience (and thank you all who have said kind stuff) I...eh. I'm dealing. Admittedly getting tired of needing a few days and several attempts to reply to an e-mail, but I'm dealing.

GOOD GRUDD:

- Toronto Whitechapel meet was a lot of fun! Drinking! Ranting! 52lb bag of comics to take home! And oh, how I'm enjoying them. Big reads at the moment are Marshal Law and DORK!

- Brewpot came in and before I knew it I had sanitized all my gear and went to work making the hefeweizen. After 5 hours the damn thing is STILL cooling outside, so I'm looking at a late night until the temp of the wort goes down another ten degrees and I can pitch the yeast.

- Got a photo job. Promotional images for a music artist. Good money. Meeting up with the artist on wednesday to discuss ideas/wardrobe/concept etc.

WELL DONE CITIZENS:

- Trini, you win with the Father Ted references. :)- Texture, thank you for the messages. Mr. Morse was my soundtrack today. Loved it!- roadscum, get well soon. You're no good to us sick, damn it!- dork, eesh. I had a root canal with no anesthesia. Not fun. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342561#Comment_342561
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342561#Comment_342561Tue, 23 Oct 2012 01:12:34 -0500Greasemonkey

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OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342573#Comment_342573
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342573#Comment_342573Tue, 23 Oct 2012 07:45:11 -0500mister hex
I, too, am dealing with isolation and depression. (I KNOW, right? I'm usually so charming and up-beat!) My work is back-breaking, soul-crushing and bad for my health. I don't sleep enough, not eating properly, I'm angry ALL THE TIME and I try to mask that with humour that just makes me sound like a psychopath. "Like a joke without humour, told over and over, until it begins to resemble a threat." Got no money (seriously, the illegal immigrant cleaners from Guatemala make more dosh than I do), the people I work with are usually the only people I see on a regular basis and while they're alright, they're ... grey. Dull, grey, lifeless normals, with whom I struggle to make conversation, for a reason I don't fully understand. One guy is a MAJOR pedant and film buff, who spends an eight-hour shift asking me what my opinions on Orson Welles or my favorite movie villains or some dvd steelbook he got from the Criterion Collection or trying to get me to watch one of his movies, do I want to borrow this, have I ever seen thhat, what do I think about this. It's, like, "DUDE. Shut the fuck UP." And he's a nice guy but I wanna kick him in the face. (I used to argue with customers about Russian Literature when I worked at the bookstore and now neither my bosses nor my co-workers have ever knowingly graduated from high school.)

UP(?) - Got some things done that I'd been meaning to do. Got my cat, and that's a big plus because now I have somebody to talk to who absolutely loves hanging out with me and doesn't care that I'm nasty and smell funny. And as soon as I finish writing this, I am going to buy beer and try to get some sleep before I have to go back to work this evening. As much beer as I can carry (or afford - Beck's is on special at the moment and THANK GOD FOR THAT.) And I have to ride my bike in the rain but that's okay.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT -

dork - dental work sucks. trini - work sucks, too. I can sympathize all day, my dear. oldhat - you magnificent woman. Wait'll you read STIG"S INFERNO. And if it's Marshall Law yer after, I'm looking at the first miniseries right now. Ever read Miracleman? Want to? ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342579#Comment_342579
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342579#Comment_342579Tue, 23 Oct 2012 09:14:35 -0500dorkmuffinWisdom tooth yanking went smoothly. Er... as smoothly as it could I guess. Though, one of my teeth required a good five minutes of yanking to properly remove. But the oral surgeon was joking with me as she did it, so that was helpful. THanks for all the well-wishing! Here's hoping I don't end up with dry socket. Eugh.

Also, I convinced the man friend to bring me instant mashed potatoes which made for a fucking excellent alternative to the loads of sweet stuff I've had to eat (frozen yogurt, applesauce, yogurt).

The bad:

I'm only eating the softest possible foods. Also holy crap, why am I not eating Jello instant pudding?? Their devil's food flavor tastes like rich hot chocolate but as a cold pudding. ROOKIE MISTAKE. Also I get to go back to work tomorrow and do my salt water rinses and eat only pudding etc. Maybe I'll graduate to mac and cheese by tomorrow.

Applaauuuuuuusee:

Hugs for EVERYONE. And thank you all for the good wishes! So far, so good. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342581#Comment_342581
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342581#Comment_342581Tue, 23 Oct 2012 10:02:50 -0500mister hex
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OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342597#Comment_342597
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342597#Comment_342597Tue, 23 Oct 2012 17:01:15 -0500Peter Kelly
Just spent 20 minutes writing a long post which included a response to everyone above, only to have it not go through....

Fun for everyoneCan we all agree I said some pretty nice things to all of you and move on?You're all awesome.

Personal Win.Finished a video I shot months ago and shot another I plan to finish in the next 14 days. Gonna create content if it kills me. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342599#Comment_342599
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342599#Comment_342599Tue, 23 Oct 2012 17:56:38 -0500GreasemonkeyOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342607#Comment_342607
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342607#Comment_342607Wed, 24 Oct 2012 02:40:18 -0500FlabyoWell, this has been a fine couple of weeks and no mistake. This weekend just gone I laid my friend to rest at a really impressive funeral service. He'd been a large part of the demo scene for some years, and some of the music he'd composed was played in the church. He would've found that utterly hilarious. Then I got hopelessly drunk, and somehow managed to get home despite multiple taxis and a train being involved.

This of course comes after the anniversary of my own mothers death, although that was more than ten years ago now so it's not as raw as it used to be.

To cap all that, the company chose that day to put me 'at risk' of redundancy. Naturally I've found it quite hard to concentrate on getting my job life sorted with so much else going on.

Also: I have the man flu, and rather than go away it keeps completely shifting symptoms.

The Silver Lining:

Had a good long chat with my financial advisor about my investments and the potential redundancy offer that's on the table, and it looks like I should be able to run for well over a year without needing any income at all. Now I have no intention of sitting on my backside for an entire year before finding new work, it does mean I don't have to panic and jump at the first vaguely interesting role that comes my way (this is something I've done in the past, and it never works out).

All in all, this could be the push I've needed for a long time now to get out of my rut and move onto the next part of my life. It's sad that it always does take some kind of external shove to make me do this though.

The Community:

@dorkmuffin : As someone that's had three wisdom teeth out so far, they're definitely better out than in. The salt water mouthwash is definitely the best thing I found to heal them up quickly. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342611#Comment_342611
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342611#Comment_342611Wed, 24 Oct 2012 04:41:05 -0500Kay OrchisonMoving. Fucking. House. Goddammit. Never again, not if I can help it. The old house is mostly clean but there's still a lot to do, the van's still full of totally miscellaneous crap for which there is no room because I haven't finalised the transaction of a case of beer for a garden shed yet, my sinuses are full of bleach, the yard at the old place still looks like Pripyat and I'm already getting antsy phone calls from the landlady despite being paid up till next Sunday. Plus yesterday I had to carry two antique wardrobes up a cliff.

That:

The new place, while tatty, is so excellent that I keep waking up in the morning thinking I'm on some strange family holiday where we've brought all of our possessions along. There's birdsong, and morning sun, and climbing roses over the door, and pressed metal ceilings, and no slugs in the bedrooms or mould on the everything. Also, I got accepted into the Fisher's Ghost Art Award, and had a really inspiring and positive phone call from the Interarts chap from the Australia Council this afternoon.

The whole family is in love with the proper-sized yard with a mango tree and a Hill's Hoist. The cat is settling in nicely. I can hear him snoring. There's a cricket in our bedroom. Nothing says bedtime better than a cricket's song and a cat's snores.

T'other:

Texture, man, the label, that's bloody amazing. That's a seriously big achievement in the current arts remuneration climate. Props, bloke! Regarding the militant flamer, don't let her get you down. Chalk it up to a learning experience, and don't give drama queens the oxygen ever again. Just block with extreme prejudice. Wise Confucius says: the Internet is a sea of idiots. To argue with an idiot on the Internet is to argue with the sea. (Sorry to be a Cnut about it!)

Roadscum - I feel your pain. I've been there. Sleep debt accrues interest like a mafia loan. The danger is that when the moment of wig snap finally occurs, a good few bridges may be burnt. If it's starting to feel like this, then this is probably coming. Run, man! Get out while there's time! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342616#Comment_342616
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342616#Comment_342616Wed, 24 Oct 2012 08:34:51 -0500texture@oldhat Glad you enjoyed Mr Morse, I think it's an absolutely beautiful album. So pleased to share it with people. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342618#Comment_342618
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342618#Comment_342618Wed, 24 Oct 2012 08:46:45 -0500mister hexUgh. One MORE day (night?) of work and it won't be a good one, trust me. On the plus side, I think I've raised the tone, as everyone seems to want to try to have a joke with me. My robust North American laugh and foul-tempered sense of humour has inspired my somewhat more verbose and multi-syllabic coworkers to UNLEASH HELL in an effort to make me laugh. As ever, I crack them up so they try to one-up ME. [Short Story My-Work-Sucks Time - my boss (who isn't even sure who I am) is a bittofa doofus and always duplicates orders so we see them same things, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT and the same boiler-plate communication as he can't be knackered to actually talk to anyone and look them in the eye and tell us what to do. We've been short-staffed, as somebody was injured so they complain about him, too. I encourage it and ramp it up to THE LEVEL OF WARREN ELLIS (if I may be so bold) and they always try to top me. And they never can. Because YEARS of introducing the drippings of the Internet Jesus RIGHT INTO MY EYEBALLS has made me HARD AS FUCK.

NO STABBING, JUST TWISTING, LIKE WE DID LAST SUMMER - The entire English Language is chained to a chair inside MY SKULL. Meditate on THAT.

@oldhat & greasemonkey - yes, yes, miracleman. Fantastic. Did I say INCLUDING ALL the Gaiman issues? Everything extant?+ (Except number 8, which was a reprint issue. Once you read it, you'll know WHY it was a reprint issue. Didn't a retailer get in trouble for selling the CONTROVERSIAL BIRTH ISSUE (and yes, Alan Moore must have a scrap-book full of headlines that say "CONTROVERSIAL COMIC BOOK BIRTH ISSUE." +(Ooops, I sold APOCRYPHIA but it wasn't very good, anyway.)

THIS IS only one reason that all Whitechapel folk MUST come to Toronto someday. (NOT in THE WINTER. Unless you like that.)

Guh. Patrick, I love you. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342642#Comment_342642
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342642#Comment_342642Wed, 24 Oct 2012 14:36:23 -0500GreasemonkeyYeah, I own the whole run as well. Softcovers, not singles. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342655#Comment_342655
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342655#Comment_342655Wed, 24 Oct 2012 18:56:20 -0500Rootfireember
I got a concussion from headbutting the freezer at work on accident. Really hard. On friday. And I still have the headache from it, and I'm learning a list of things I like to do that my concussion doesn't want me to do. Like reading, a lot of driving, being out in the light (fuckit Im turning into a vampire. Just not one of those lame twilight glittery ones), and knitting. I think I'm on the mend with it though. Or neutral. But it's annoying as hell. I want my brain b ack.Also, yesterday our older boy dog, Remmy, died. The dog that tried to eat the world finally found something to eat on the sly that broke him inside, and there wasn't anything we could do for him- his first signs that something was wrong were signs of m assive organ failure. I sat outside with him while he passed, and held his head and told him what a good, good boy he was, and then my stepdad and I burried him. The house feels wrong, down to one dog. Remmy was such a big boy that its just really noticible that he's not present to make noise and take up space.

Positive-Talked to my stepdad about service dogs so he knows more about what I'm going for, and he knows after this year I need more time before I get a puppy for mysyelf. Mom's trying to get another Stewie dog, and I'll help out with that puppy, but it'll be a family dog and not the SD. But at least the family's talking to me.Also should have all my stuff moved in by monday night. Which puts me to 3g(negative :( ) but on the upside, I'll be with stewie dog, there will be food here, and my immune system will be able to chill in the smoke free environment. Therapy people are helping me find out resources for getting my own place. Out of a lot of things that have happened, I'm glad I started going to group, even if I was terrified when I started.

@Dorkmuffin-for the love of all things possible, do NOT make the jump to solid or semi solid foods too quickly after a wisdom tooth removal. I think that's my only real advice. That and if anyone whose sick comes near you while you're healing? Kick them the fuck out. Do not be nice. Send them to bora bora or something, because sick+wisdom tooth removal healing=HorribleBad. Try to get plenty of sleep, and just good luck on healing.

@Hex -Cats do not shit out of spite. But there are a lot of reasons cats (especially males that are intact) will shit everywhere OTHER than the catbox, a lot of it being marking their territory and what is theirs with poop, or spray, or urine. It can also be really hard to get boy cats out of the habit once they're in it. (Its less of an issue with female cats from what I've seen, but we did have to put a (fixed) male down for it when I was little, before they knew why cats did what they did, and things to do to help them learn to not do that stuff). Off the top of my head (or what remains)- trying different types of litterboxes, anti-anxiety crud for cats/feliway, enzymatic cleaners for cleaning up the mess, and trying different litters might help. Basically you're trying to figure out ways to make your cat feel more secure so he'll poop where you want him to.

@Kay-Also moving and yeh. Understand totally how the place can look like a disaster when the end is near and wtf where to put stuffff. :P You are not alone!! Moving sucks. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342660#Comment_342660
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342660#Comment_342660Wed, 24 Oct 2012 21:07:55 -0500trini_naenae
@texture: Thanks. Not sure I'm actually doing creative stuff, but maybe in the general direction?

@mister hex: Pretty much. I suppose I should be looking for a new job, but I really don't have much hope for finding anything.

@Rootfireember: Woah take care k?

The Sads:The potentially fun thing that I was looking forward to happening on Monday morning ended up being a new form of torture. Technically, a local artist was showing us the house that was built for her and her husband, and the art prints she had, and then some tea and whatnots. The house is lovely. The art was nice enough, but not the sort that I find particularly interesting. That's ok, Assuming that I would know who all the artists were on her walls because they are "famous New York artists" (however many years ago, considering a chunk of them were dead), was slightly frustrating. Expecting me to know everything about printmaking even though I've barely talked to the woman a couple times, and I'm sure I mentioned that I'm a drawing and photography person, was a bit offputting. Being put on the spot and told I thought certain things, a bit unhappy making. But what really drove me bonkers? After hearing someone else say that her son felt that he was really Indian inside (grew up in Pakistan, lives in India, has an Indian wife, and the list goes on), she claims that she is really "Japanese inside" because she went to Japan once for a month and it all felt very natural to her. Yes. Really. She may have acted out one of my biggest pet peeves. I really hate it when people go somewhere for a short period of time, and then act like they know everything about that place. They have a nice sanitized holiday, and all of a sudden they're fucking experts? Just... no.

I may have been a bit ranty for the rest of the day. I mean she offered to look at my art, but well, she thinks representational art isn't real art anyway, and she had a habit of being pushy and presumptuous and acting like she was and expert about things she didn't comprehend at all... (Apparently technology is super linear and ruins creative thinking, but she can barely use the internet). I think I'll pass.

The Not-Sads?On the bright side, apparently I have standards or something? I still have a job. Um... I successfully made cheese paste which is this boiled eggs/cheese/mustard/mayo thing you put in sandwiches. I don't feel as shitty as I could. Yes! I am reading books and watching movies and it is all free. Yay libraries! I have awesome friends online. And occasionally I get to talk to my real life friends on facebook? (Which still sucks but the IM function is vaguely handy.) Right. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342666#Comment_342666
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342666#Comment_342666Thu, 25 Oct 2012 00:12:07 -0500Kay OrchisonOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342672#Comment_342672
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342672#Comment_342672Thu, 25 Oct 2012 04:05:56 -0500razrangel
H*U*G Mister Hex because rock like a motherfucker. Goddamn right.*HUGHUGHUG* Root Cause I mean fuck. Lord... Remmy, RIP. And fuck.*Kay* It'll end. It will.

Now the Oh God Not the Face! Past couple of days I've actually gotten some respectable amount of sleep but I'm still stupid sleepy at inopportune times. I detest that I have to sleep but dislike what drugs do to me in order to skip it. So I get put down every night (or more like every morning) like bitter toddler fussing that she should be allowed to stay up with the older kids. (The older kids snortin the good stuff.) But... tonight I'm up late taking care of the many things I didn't get done today, my last free day for the next 2.5 weeks. After this it's non-stop until the show opens. It's madness, I tell you. Why do I do this? Every play it's the same thing. Fucking hate tech, actors not prioritizing the play over their own fucking egos, directors doing everything to avoid being efficient, designers who think they're hot shit (even when they are, they don't get to be more important than the play)...bullshit on top of bullshit. I've got my hands full with shit I need to get finished, I don't need to be working to cover other people because they can't arsed to give more than the minimum. Except for...I do. Because if I don't this play falls apart. Argh. Anyway. it's 4am now, shall be up in 5ish hours to commence the marathon through opening weekend.

Shall try my very best not to kill anyone, including myself, during tech. May, however, give myself emphysema and irreversible kidney damage.

The Ooh! That tickles: Em. Nothing fantastic. But it's been nice to wallow at home. Coffee from my own coffeemaker. Didn't wear shoes all day. Someone else made dinner. Emailed friends and talked to my mom. almost want to make myself more coffee. But that would be seriously stupid. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342680#Comment_342680
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342680#Comment_342680Thu, 25 Oct 2012 10:03:34 -0500mister hexSleep deprivation, alcohol and marijuana smoke fill the air before you.

th' Cat has long ago fucked away to the blissful arms of Morpheus. He doesn't give a shit.

And neither do I. While at the same time, giving all the shit. And many a fuck was given. I've been also known to bat eyelashes. And high-5 and thumbs up and all that jazz.

@Pete - you still wanna film me ranting? Because, if anything, I GOT BETTER AT IT. And I was pretty good to start with. (Who KNEW?) I may be able to sort a location. A SET, if you will, that we can dress for cut-aways.

@razr- "if you're going thru Hell, KEEP GOING." - Winston Churchill (Emphasis Mine. And Colloquialism.) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342690#Comment_342690
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342690#Comment_342690Thu, 25 Oct 2012 13:37:28 -0500RootfireemberOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342729#Comment_342729
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342729#Comment_342729Fri, 26 Oct 2012 09:05:14 -0500mister hexOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342746#Comment_342746
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342746#Comment_342746Fri, 26 Oct 2012 13:26:43 -0500Rootfireember
But then you'd have to worry about updating java in yourBRAIN, and then antivirus fees. :p Actually yaknowwhat? I want a new brain, too. Also hugs to your sore and sadfaced elbow. That HAS to be a sonofabitch. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342756#Comment_342756
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342756#Comment_342756Fri, 26 Oct 2012 17:05:19 -0500Peter Kelly
maybe I scrounge enough dough to get us both drunk in a "pre-interview" in the next week or two (research, I swear) and then we shoot in Nov/Dec. I can sort out EVERYTHING (crew, location, etc) if we can find a day for you to be on camera. peter at IHaveIssuesProductions.com

And then we'll shoot Old hat, and Greasemonkey.There is a full doc of Whitechapel just waiting to get made. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342758#Comment_342758
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342758#Comment_342758Fri, 26 Oct 2012 18:31:29 -0500Peter Kelly
money is tight, as always Determined to get ahead, but you know the story, always something. And Work....I'm starting to get the feeling that the shift from "shit you need to do" to "What we hired you to do" is going to get pushed back yet again. I'm an awesome editor, but I don't edit full time anymore. Plan is for it to happen in January...if I can get some stuff sorted out in time. Well I can... but it also depends on like 3 other departments getting there shit together which seems unlikely.

Kiss to the faceFound out today I am tentatively lined up to edit a scripted comedy series. This has been my goal since I started, so this is a dream come true (provided the above shit gets together). It's no where near a done deal, but I am taking the fact that I was top of the list for the comedy project as a good sign.Also, one of the company Vice Presidents make the trek up 3 floors to my cubcile to hand me a flyer for the Hard Liquor and Porn FIlm Fest and say "Don't let me down". Not sure what my rep is...but I already entered a short in it, so clearly this guy has me pegged.

Hugs for all...Raz - There is a fine line between caring about your work and being taken advantage of. You seem to be on the right side of that (I've crossed back and forth) Do your job as best you can, so you can sleep at night, but don't do other peoples. It only teaches them they don't have to do theirs.

Trini - I've loved my job and I've hated my job. There is not much you can do, but enjoy the people you work with. Dwelling on it, getting angry or depressed about it only ruins the rest of your life. (Which is easy to say, I know, but I made my wife's life miserable for 6 months before she verbally bitch slapped me into fixing what I could change and accepting what I couldn't)

Hex - see the the previous post, but really I'm just looking for a reason to hang out with you.

Hurrah: I've been spending the afternoon making Halloween chocolates (despite knee). Chocolate pumpkin heads, skulls, witches, cats, owls, haunted houses, and the ones that the kids love the best - coffins. I'm feeling pretty pleased with my efforts and now they're in a box for the Halloween kiddies on Wednesday. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342797#Comment_342797
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=342797#Comment_342797Sat, 27 Oct 2012 20:22:02 -0500mister hexWatching John Carpenter's THE THING on TVO, just like the good old cold old days. Kurt Russell's not yet entirely fucked but give it time.

The cat's gone doolally again. He may have cabin fever. And a fear of Another Cat, who deliberately taunts him. A female cat, who's used to Other Cats But Doesn't Like Them. He's not used to Other Cats and isn't really sure What They Are. (He's high on catnip, a lil bit.)

He just wants love. I understand the impulse. But we've had cuddles all fucking day and I'm about done. Just a little missive to send me off, like the old days.

The spineless fuckers at work continue to be spineless fuckers. Luckily, I am invincible. Their bastardry will only back-fire upon them. I'm quite tasty when it comes to being Spider-Man and arriving just in time, in the chill of night, at the scene of a crime and all that. I've been told not to complain about the obvious source of the problem, vis a vis office politics, when all I want to say is "j'aCCUSE!" and point an ominous finger at the wretched, incompetant halfwit that has somewhat of a strangle-hold on when I get to sleep or eat. On the other hand, I've slain a few dragons in my day and this one isn't even worthy of being called a paper tiger. I am well-confident that I can sell my case, win them over and then undermine the ground upon which he squats. And then, once my package from the Acme Corporation arrives ... heheheheheh. (If this backfires on ME, it won't MATTER. Fucking INVINCIBLE, I am. Tougher than an old boot and twice as delicious.)

On the plus side, I'M GODDAMN INVINCIBLE! I'd invite you punch me in the arm to prove it but the last time I did that, it wasn't a good idea.

@Peter - I am old people and hate the emails. I'll call ya, we'll set something up. Be aware I'm now largely noctural and even more MORE. Socially isolated, I frankly don't give a shit anymore. You wanna make a movie of THAT?

The AESD dive school is keeping me sane through this autumn. Just spent a week in the zoological station again - it was supposed to be marine archaeology for the scientists, but it was a healthy mix of taking biological samples from and around shipwrecks, as well as studying and drafting them. I went to the school after a night of no sleep at all and giving up at 4:30 in the morning, a total wreck myself. In the end of the week I was sleeping well, relaxed, happy - and ready to chain myself on the door of the station, demanding sanctuary.

I'm crossing everything that can be crossed and knocking everything that's even remotely woody, but it looks like I might've secured the filthy lucre to pay my rent 'till March, even if I don't get a job next January. This of course provided that the world won't be a bitch and throw me a curve ball in the form of a surprising expense. Remains to be seen.

The other thing that's kept me sane has been writing. I've submitted stuff to our own Weaponizer and Out of Place, Out of Time 2, as well as Black Static, I'm trying to get the novel draft three going after getting notes from my editor, and there's tons of story ideas clamoring to get out of my head. This is such a good thing I just might cry.

The bad:

This has undoubtedly been financially and schedule-wise the toughest autumn I can remember. I think I've managed to pull through it, but not without breaking something. Been regularly snapping awake at early hours with the brain and the heart hammering away, there have been several mornings when the mere thought of leaving the house has literally made my breath catch, and I've had sort of disquieting memory blackouts due to burning my candle with a blowtorch, etc. Yeah yeah, I know I should take it easier and have a holiday, but short of finding a few thousand euros on a street I can't see a way to do that and pay my rent and bills. Nevertheless, I think I'm well over the hump now. Well, at least I'm in a place where I can't do any more about the situation than I've already done, which is weirdly relaxing.

Been trying and more or less managing to keep up a positive attitude about everything and enjoy the little things in life, like my awesome neighbourhood and it's nature, good friends, a rather fun girl situation where I'm not really sure where it's going, but enjoying it nevertheless. I've just been, to badly translate a Finnish saying, "one to be pushed over with a feather", so the trip from this to this has been surprisingly short at times, which has apparently confused some people. Oh well.

EDIT: Aaand there was the curve ball. Down 2000 euros. Fuck this shit.

The ugl... you wonderful people:

@dorkmuffin: Uh, I feel your pain - I had a horrendous experience with a wisdom tooth getting first pulled, then infected and then discarding a piece of a root that had broken off inside my gum. Pulling teeth is a horrid business :S

@trini: With you on the work thing :/

@texture: Oh man, that flamewar sounded so horrible I actually laughed, like what the everflying fuck :) I can understand you wanting to swear off that place after that.

@Flabyo: Ahh shit, that's a well rounded crapfest there. Sorry for your losses, hopefully the work situation will sort itself out. As I've understood it, with your CV getting a new job shouldn't be too formidable, and you have some slack on the leash moneywise. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343010#Comment_343010
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343010#Comment_343010Wed, 31 Oct 2012 05:51:09 -0500fleckyI've absolutely no idea what I'm doing at the moment, apart from being in rehab and going through the motions of recovery nonsense - even if it's not crap and probably the best thing I could be doing at the moment. I've just spent my morning digging-up weeds and bushes - shit's called something to do with mud, and I am fooked.

I went into an art class the other day, and I only lasted about 10 minutes before I creeped-off to smoke more fags and drink more coffee; the whole experience reeked of control and reminded me of school - Fucking Crap, it was.

So my artistic skills are turgid wank, and my ability to spell is melting by the second. I am a self-pitying, nasty, self-absorbed, lonely motherfucker that can't see the point of getting out of bed as you've just got to get back into it a few hours later.

Eat my contempty and negatory, oh stinky Webs **

FLYING INTO A BLACKHOLE:

Fucking 51 Days-Clean: the rest can piss-off and get fat on bad food!

THE SUPERNOVAS:

@roadscum: I hope your taking care of yourself.

@mister hex: I, too, am old. I've heard rumours about this...electronic mail thing. I must inquire more, so I can be down with the kids.

@kay: Good luck with the house moving thing, mate.

Christ, it's raining heavy and I've got to walk up a muddy path to get my dinner.

HAHAHAHA!!! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343139#Comment_343139
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343139#Comment_343139Thu, 01 Nov 2012 17:10:27 -0500Peter Kelly
I can't possibly imagine what you are going through, but that is fucking amazing. I'm going to shut up about my "problems" and just be inspired by you. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343207#Comment_343207
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343207#Comment_343207Fri, 02 Nov 2012 15:17:05 -0500razrangelI fucked up my back earlier this week. Just did the "slept on it wrong" thing, though between you and me it's because I've spent more than a week on a mad uncomfortable couch at my friend's house. I ain't sayin nothing since I'm lucky enough to crash here. But it's still more than a week before I head home again to my wonderful, wonderful bed. Annoying thing is, by the end of the day my neck and back are mostly fine, just tight. But when I get up again it's all sore and twinging and aching again. Rather sick of it. And rather sick of thinking how this portents gnarly bodily pain later in life.

Positives: Um... I have good friends. Health is mostly holding out. Truck keeps truckin along (though it needs some pricey maintenance, but still). My needs are met and I want for little more, really. And some of the people at the theatre are nice & friendly. They help me out instead of adding to what I have to get done.

Insanity: When is this fucking play going to open?? The director is tearing his hair out that they might not be ready to open in a week. I'm almost ready to chew off a limb to get away from rehearsal and into runs.

Applause: @Flecky my man, so good to see you trying. Even shit that's shit, you're giving it a go. Good on ya. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343268#Comment_343268
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343268#Comment_343268Sat, 03 Nov 2012 21:30:18 -0500trini_naenae
@razrangel: Sorry to hear about your older brother. My family used to get frustrated with my older sister, and she didn't even vaguely compare. Also sorry to hear about the soreness and the theater drama. I the work you do for the theater at least pays for itself. Glad that you have good friends.

@Peter Kelly: If you ever end up in the direction of northern Wisconsin, I imagine I could attempt to be interesting.

@Vornaskotti: Ouch. I hope your finances stay out of the red, especially over winter, because I do not even want to think about what it is like to be broke in Finland over the winter. (Wisconsin is bad enough!) Glad diving school is treating you well and writing is happening. At least there are some good things, eh?

@Flecky: I am in awe of your staying clean. Kudos. Lots of kudos.

@everyone who gave me work encouragement/I feel ya/etc: Thanks. Work is sucking less lately, and I'm going to see if I can get more hours or get a second job or something.

No:I am going to attempt a sugar free diet in the nearish future. I really am not looking forward to it. I know it will be good for me, but I really really love (am addicted to) sugar.

Yes:Like I said above, work is sucking less. Or I must be getting better at it or something. My potentially selling prints of my artwork/photographs/etc online is becoming closer to a reality. (Thanks everyone who responded to my alias question!) I've been working on the first steps of getting a website set up, and doing set up for business stuffs, and I already got some artwork scanned by a print shop that does art prints (museum quality) and hopefully, by the end of the week, I'll have a website to be looked at, and all that fun. I've already set up a tumblr and twitter. This is super scary and super exciting stuff. I have no idea if anyone will actually buy something from me, but at least I'll have a website that people can look at. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343272#Comment_343272
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343272#Comment_343272Sun, 04 Nov 2012 02:10:51 -0600mister hexI sleep like a soldier, maybe a few hours at at time, usually during the day, never peacefully and never enough. I also eat like a soldier, whatever I can scrounge and rarely is it ever healthy or good but at least it's food. I get paid like a soldier, a pittance, sometimes in lead, sometimes in brass, sometimes in gold. I drink like a soldier because I figure tomorrow I could easily be killed and that'll be it so there's no point in NOT drinking like someone who figures they're going to die. The weather's starting to turn. Soon, I'll need the great coat and a great deal of energy to make it through The Big Push (Canadians and selected Americans know what I'm talking about here. Maybe some of you Northern European chaps and lasses might, too. Californians have their own problems.) and see, HERE'S THE THING - that's a lot of energy THAT I'M NOT SURE I HAVE.

FUCKING RIGHT! - As you can see, my mind is a finely tuned instrument, like a machine gun or Woody Guthrie's guitar. I wrote this in my sleep, got up, typed it, smoked a cigarette, made coffee and went off about my day. I've been actually writing and people seem interested in that, like REAL people, good people, people I know. AND people I DON'T KNOW. I'd forgotten about my ability to hit a moving target while naked and upside-down, in the middle of a blizzard of artillery EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (It's how I've stayed alive so long, you see. They say the first seven years are the worst. The next few decades aren't much better. Eventually it plateaus and you can see things off in the distance that weren't there the last time you looked or perhaps you'd just never noticed, things that are indescribably beautiful and well worth living for.) I seem to have reconnected with some family and other people, while cutting away at useless articles that were just weighing me down. Life's not perfect by a long fucking chalk but millions, billions have it worse than I so knock that self-pity on the head and get fucking marching. (I could do with a woman. Not quite sure if I remember WHAT to do with a woman but I seem to remember it was nice.)

MAIL CALL! -

@razr- Operation Theatre will proceed as planned and be a smashing success. Of this, I've no doubt. @trini - keep fighting the good fight. @flecky - you're an inspiration to us all. Keep that upper lip stiff as you can. @peter kelly - oh, YOU'RE IN FOR A SHOW. @everyone lost in the storm - a moment of silence.

- Beer has been going very well. May need more blueberries, but it's getting there. Can't wait to get on the Russian Imperial Stout.

- Finally had the time to go out in the garden and harvest my Red Chicory, which turned out AMAZINGLY. Am happy and can't wait to have salads with it. Roots will be used for coffee I think.

- Decided that I'll be purchasing a PS3. I miss gaming and my crummy Xbox will be solds for parts or something. Damn red ring of death...doesn't help that I have this huge urge to play Mass Effect.

HUZAAH:

@raz, The play will be amazing. You can do eet!@trini glad work is sucking less. Good luck on art selling!@flecky Keep it up! You rule! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343327#Comment_343327
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343327#Comment_343327Sun, 04 Nov 2012 18:34:08 -0600mister hexMy brother, ladies an gentlemen. Not as bad as some, worse than anyone. Less said, the better. Frankly can't believe I even said THAT. Holy Mother of Jesus Fucking Christ on th' Cross. On a Pogo stick or somethin'. IS HE SERIOUS? Nah. He's some LA BDSM cunt. I, however, am a drunken but dangerous and entirely celibate TORONTO MOTHERFUCKER, WHO IS USED TO COLD WEATHER. "Smell ya later." indeed. INDEED! RAW!

WOW!

After a somewhat uncomfortable time, had a nice chat with me dad. Not bad, I must say! He thought the Shadow never killed people. I begged to differ. I was proven to be correct, even though he maintains that the Shadow, that he listened to on the radio never killed people. (I guess he missed that part. I asked my sainted Irish Mother if the Shadow ever killed people and she assured me HE DID. "On the radio?" I asked. "Oh, yes." sez she. Also, gotta lotta insights on the man who was my grandfather (My Dad's dad.) NOT BAD!

Good-One of my former coworkers is going to be on Jerry Springer. This has boosted morale for everyone whose been at my work place for a while. And it's funny. Better than knowing someone that has been on America's Most Wanted.Also, I'm slowly adapting to Remmy's death and living at Mom's (So is Stewie dog. But he still doesn't eat all his breakfast unless someone sits with him).Also came up with a good boook idea. Now I just have to write the damn thing; am working on the outline, and will be writing it in the mornings while @ Coffee now :)

Bad-Meds have been affecting me more than usual lately; lots of nausea late in the evenings. Going to try eating a bit before I take them, see if that helps. Still having issues of not sleeping that well. I keep on waking up randomly whenever; and mom gets up way earlier than I do which...doesn't help with the waking up randomly thing.

All things considered, this hasn't been a horrible week. I've got ideas of things I can do around here to stave off boredome and keep my brain from going batty n ow that I'm in the middle of nowhere. My depression was horrid, but now that I've recovered mostly from my concussion and the move... has leveled out a bit. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343332#Comment_343332
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343332#Comment_343332Sun, 04 Nov 2012 19:31:30 -0600mister hexJust realized I compared my petty little family squabble with people WHO HAVE REAL PROBLEMS.

#MNARSEHOLESORRYEVERYBODY ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343336#Comment_343336
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343336#Comment_343336Sun, 04 Nov 2012 19:52:58 -0600Rootfireember
-your problems still feel awful to you, though. They're your problems and your emotions, and its okay to have them. Just because something horrible happens to someone else, doesn't make your pain or suffering less. Like, just because someone got killed somewhere, it'd be silly for someone with the flu to feel bad for being sick because someone had it worse; when you feel bad, you feel bad. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343340#Comment_343340
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343340#Comment_343340Sun, 04 Nov 2012 21:47:38 -0600Greasemonkey(drop around soon and help me drink up the rest of that Kilkenny from last time, eh?) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343341#Comment_343341
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343341#Comment_343341Sun, 04 Nov 2012 21:55:46 -0600GreasemonkeyOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343342#Comment_343342
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343342#Comment_343342Sun, 04 Nov 2012 22:05:42 -0600Rachæl TyrellThe GOOD:

I went on a trip to New Mexico. I went on a plane for the first time since 1996. Being somewhere else was pretty fabulous. Fresh eggs every morning, a sky that was staggeringly clear by night, a simple and natural environment. It was a clay house constructed by some German hippy 30 years ago, who just kept adding to it as he went. I've never been anywhere so quiet.

Freelance work seems to be showing it's head on the horizon. I could definitely use it.

My neihborhood has remained unscathed by the hurricane, and that's pretty awesome.

The BAD:

Well, the trip that was supposed to be a ROAD trip ended up being a working-on-a-farm-constantly trip, and our departure date kept getting pushed back ad back and ended up just being a quick dash home in a rental car, with me looking like an asshole for explaining that I'd been promised to get back in time for Comic Con and needed to get back earlier than that Monday. I was dismissed repeatedly. As I slept in the car on our direct drive through Kansas, my friend veered off the highway [ EDITED AND REDACTED ] We were read our rights, photographed, questioned separately while recorded, every bit of evidence was photographed, and was told that we were facing five felonies apiece.

We were let go. We were told that we may be called back for court, depending on what the judge wants to do, largely dependent on whether or not they get a bigger haul than us. We drove straight from Kansas City to NYC the following day. I got home at around 5 in the morning, but by the time I got to Comic Con on Sunday it was just closing down. I missed meeting Peter Davidson. That's something I'd dreamt of since I was in grade school. I bawled.

I had promised my friend I'd go with her on a road trip ("as long as I can be back for Comic Con," I'd said) and because of that I ended up muscled into canceling plans I'd had to help with a really awesome Doctors & Artists event. I ended up getting to attend neither, nor did I even get to go on a road trip. I feel rather used. One of my few remaining friends from long ago, one of my best friends for ages, and I've been totally used.

Y'know, and there's still a chance I could go to jail.

Also, I had tickets to see Louie CK, and spending three days in a row at the fellow's house I totally got the date wrong and missed it.

Also, remember that test about my heart? Well, the doctor said that the test was fine. However, when I checked my online records, it seems there were some abnormalities. So. I'm ok as of now, but.... I seem to show some signs of something possibly wrong in the future. Which might mean the bad diagnosis. I don't know. And now with everything in this part of the country gone to hell, I've got to wait some time to return to my medical quest.

Also, I seem to suddenly owe $300 in electricity bill from over the summer, and my inflatable mattress has now sprung a leak, so I'm sleeping on the floor. My spine is not happy and I am in great pain.

The OTHERS:

Hey Flecky, hang on, friend! I've still got a postcard to mail you. I've got to find that damned thing. You still in the same spot?

Oldhat, man getting back in shape, when you've had such a medical thing going on, egad! It's rough. I've been slowly gaining weight over the past two years, and even while on blood sugar and hormone medication. Exercise is so hard to start again when you've been though legitimate health horribleness. I wish you awesomeness.

Flabyo, my goodness, man. I can't imagine going through a week like that. Death shouldn't echo like that, though it so often does. My condolences, man.

That's one of the best things I've ever read. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343370#Comment_343370
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343370#Comment_343370Mon, 05 Nov 2012 08:15:21 -0600fleckyMy head iz zore! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343375#Comment_343375
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343375#Comment_343375Mon, 05 Nov 2012 09:48:23 -0600oldhat@hex, Nah, your problems are your own. No competition going on here! Also I do love your comics. Will gladly borrow more from both you and Ian once I finish this batch! Again, thanks to you both for loaning me these titles.

@Rachael, Ugh..it really is. After months of being forced to take it easy it's tough to get back in to things. Even long walks, which I LOVE going on are wearing me out more easily. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343413#Comment_343413
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343413#Comment_343413Tue, 06 Nov 2012 02:19:02 -0600Rachæl TyrellThe Good:

Now that both summer and the madness of October are over, I have started turning towards cleaning and organizing and thinning my belongings again. It feels good to ride the OCD a bit.

Having just told my oldest remaining friend about my eventful October trip, he instructed me to no longer speak to my second oldest friend, the one who brought e along with her on the road trip that wasn't. "I've said it before, she SUCKS. Don't be friends with her any more. I know you don't have many friends, but that is offensive. Don't hang out with her." He's probably right.

And then, to top it all off.... the photographs, the only saving grace of my doomy trip this October, have been noticed by friends and it's been demanded that they be taken down. I borrowed money I don't have from the fellow to buy a new lens for my supposed road trip, and... egad. I actually burst into tears after I hugn up the phone.

Also, I have either a bladder infection or a new kidney stone. Can't tell which, but I'm popping cranberry pills and vitamin C like a mofo.

Also, my great uncle died. He was 96 (?) and wanted to go, so his death is't really so sad. However, I liked the guy, and I like his branch of the family. They're all the wierdos that my family totally isn't. But this means that I'll be going to a funeral next week and seeing all the dad-side family (Catholic yet Ayn Rand types) I try and avoid.

Also, I've been getting crazy emails from my crazy mom, telling me about how my stepfather is planning his suicide because of impending dementia.

nnnnggggggggggh.

Others:

if you be american, I sure hope you vote today. Everyone else.... wish us luck. I hope we don't fuck this up. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343437#Comment_343437
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343437#Comment_343437Tue, 06 Nov 2012 08:48:41 -0600fleckyI'm going through a fucking horrible murk-patch at the moment, and it's really hard: There are a lot of jizz-deposit slagoids around me in this rehab - wannabe gangsta little fucktrons, giving it the pseudo, " You feel me, blood. I will pop-a-cap-in-yo-ass. I will knock-you-out, bro!" Don't get me wrong - none of them are saying that crap to me, as I'm a seasoned-vet and twice their age. Buncha sad, little...*skull-grinding replacing words*

Today, in Group - a crap word to describe sitting in a circle to moan - I got to the closest of feeling a genuine emotion that wasn't based on spite, malice and hatred of these people. I should show a bit of empathy, as they are probably just scared under the bullshit.

Anyway, a couple of the people I do like are going through some rough-shit, and it brought up stuff about being abandoned by a Higher Power when I've been trying my best in life - AND...

Oh my God: Gotta flee!

TO BE CONTINUED. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343465#Comment_343465
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343465#Comment_343465Tue, 06 Nov 2012 13:40:34 -0600roadscumI have an enormous pile of old 2000ADs going back to about prog 25 if i can find 'em all. Two questions:

1) You going to be there for a while?

2) Fancy some thrill power based nostalgia?

Just say the word...

And as far as higher powers go, if there is one it's got a lot to bloody answer for. I suggest we take turns, i'll hold him and you hit him, swap when you get tired! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343633#Comment_343633
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343633#Comment_343633Wed, 07 Nov 2012 14:02:27 -0600Bombus HortorusPartner is due to give birth to fourth child at any point now. Which I'm sure will be lovely once it's happened, but not before or during. She's got to cope with the kids and the school run and I'm two and a half hours away during the day, and only half thinking about work, which is just as relentless as ever. I want a big drink but can't have one until it's all over. I will drink to the retirement of my testicles from active service, because I'm sure as hell not going through all this again voluntarily. I hate all this reproduction stuff, it's scary, messy and makes me wish I was a cyborg and could just reproduce with solder and circuits and software.

The badFeel bloody awful... exhausted, tense, irritable, which is making the above worse. Partner is like a zeppelin crossbred with a velociraptor, understandably so. I'm also feeling guilty for being such a miserable bastard about everything, when everyone keeps saying 'ooh, you must be really excited', but after the last 18 months I'm not going to be happy or calm until it's home safely. I think because the first child took three days of labour and an emergency caesarean to be born, and we spent hours and hours listening to the heart monitor, and there was a moment when my youngest was being born when I thought I'd heard the midwives say 'it's dead', and my heart stopped for about 10 seconds. They hadn't but I don't think I've ever been so terrified in my life.

The goodHeard from a long silent friend. Been putting some effort into relearning my sequencing software, with some kind of faint plan to make music again after 18 months of uselessness.

The plaudits

@Rachael - Jesus, you don't have much luck, truly. Sorry the road trip went sour. Hope you manage to stay out of jail. And condolences for your uncle. @Oldhat - if you find any willpower to spare, send it my way. I've been absolutely fucking hopeless about diet/exercise/mental discipline/sanity preservation for months. But if you did it before, you can do it again. And Yay for chicory and for beer.@Flecky - stay the course and outbastard the bastards

MY PROBLEMS are stupid and 21C and are of no consequence to anyone but me. And aren't even REAL PROBLEMS. SEE?

Poor Flecky's chewing his bloody arm off and I have more in common with Him, the Cat's Brother than my OWN brother.

Sooooo. .... yeah .... ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343648#Comment_343648
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343648#Comment_343648Wed, 07 Nov 2012 18:29:16 -0600Rootfireember
-So. Mom's being inconsistent and insane as usual. Apparently 1 household chore a day means 0 one day, 3 the next, and having to be the one to drive her to/from a colonoscopy on fairly short notice, which I didn't know about because they didn't TELL me, I just happened to overhear it. Today's drama was about ketchup, which they were being bitchy about, ergo I had to apologize for (I thought they didn't want me to use up the last of the ketchup), when what was really upsetting mom and stepdad was work related drama and dad's failing in the local election. I really, really don't think my therapist understands how fucked up things feel here. Still don't feel secure here, still haven't slept that great most of the week. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time here, and generally have been having issues with vertigo, hallucinations, and other shit that the family won't admit exist; or aren't a problem because other people have things worse. (Yes I'm back in the same headspace I was at the step-grandad's. Weeee).

GoodObama won. I was terrified Romney was going to win and I'd be stuck in a conservative hellhole for far longer than I'd like, and with fewer prospects to get the fuck out.

Also: stepdad will be gone most of the weekend to babysit his friend's dog. Its not that I don't like his food; but with one less parental unit around, it'll be one less pile of glass to tiptoe around, yaknow? I take what I can get.

Also made a new friend @ the new coffee place I go to.

Applesauce@JP - not much help here, but at least I can give you a virtual hug? :( Hope things end up well.@Flecky- Keep on fightin. Rawr! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343649#Comment_343649
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343649#Comment_343649Wed, 07 Nov 2012 18:56:02 -0600trini_naenaeOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343660#Comment_343660
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343660#Comment_343660Wed, 07 Nov 2012 21:12:03 -0600dnewlingOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343662#Comment_343662
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343662#Comment_343662Wed, 07 Nov 2012 22:11:21 -0600Rootfireember
-It didn't really hit today until I was at coffee and everyone was all tired and 'yay we won'. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343728#Comment_343728
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343728#Comment_343728Thu, 08 Nov 2012 17:20:14 -0600Alan TysonI also have the flu. These things may or may not be related.

Further bulletins as events warrant.

Wheeee!: I taught some friends from work how to brew last night, and ended up making a spiced apple brown ale which has already undergone fermentation. Woke up this morning to the wonderful sound of "bloob, blup, bleep!" coming from the kitchen.

'Eeeeeeeey!: The flu is keeping me from forming any more coherent sentences, so there's this: You all are still the coolest gang of bastards on the internet, and I am proud to know all of you. Yeah, even you. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343787#Comment_343787
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343787#Comment_343787Fri, 09 Nov 2012 15:00:53 -0600mister hexnot a good day

... fuck alla ye's. I'M DRUNK. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343827#Comment_343827
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343827#Comment_343827Fri, 09 Nov 2012 21:28:09 -0600mister hexOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343836#Comment_343836
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343836#Comment_343836Sat, 10 Nov 2012 02:40:15 -0600razrangelWell...my night was awesome till I read this and I now I feel like shit for having a good time. But you know what Hex? I'm glad you're here. And so I'm glad of your mom being your mom. Because she Did It Right. With you at least. You'r bro...well there's one in every family, give or take.

Well done, mom. Shame you didn't kill him but you didn't. You were his mother.

And you were mine.

(Plus, his shoulder's fucked up so that's where I'll plant my boot and make him dig seven graves, six feet deep, with his bare hands. While I beat him with a shovel. And say "I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS". In the hot sun, out somewhere. Maybe there's trees to look at, don't have to be the desert. I like trees. The extra graves are just for fun. ) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343860#Comment_343860
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343860#Comment_343860Sat, 10 Nov 2012 14:15:13 -0600mister hex(and why would you? Only been around for four fuckin' years or so)

... then FUCK WELL AWAY OFF.

Seriously.

(Seriously? I GET SI HATING ON ME but Ariana?) Time's tickin'. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343879#Comment_343879
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343879#Comment_343879Sat, 10 Nov 2012 21:09:49 -0600MoracTake care, stay safe... and fuck, I don't know. I've never been able to find good words for this sort of thing, and I doubt there are any out there that will take the edge off this shit. If I had them, I would say them, but I don't. It sucks, and it is going to suck, and all I can do is hope it doesn't worse for you and yours (notwithstanding this shit with your brother). ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343921#Comment_343921
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343921#Comment_343921Sun, 11 Nov 2012 20:10:21 -0600dnewlingThe Hurrah: Dinner out last night! And I've been doing so well on the business that a celebration was in order.

- Overdid it with the running and walking this weekend. From the hips down is pain and my legs feel swollen. Hurts incredibly to do simple things like walk or stand. Methinks a bath with salts might be good.

- Weight is getting me down. Just when I think I've started to go down it shoots right back up. Annoying.

- While wonderful and happy fun things are going on and I'm not longer as bad as I was a couple of weeks ago, have still been having this "going through the motions" feeling that is pretty much the default. Can't get in to it too much without sounding a wank.

YAY:

- Been getting more notice in the beer community lately and have been contacted for reviews and being given samples. Pretty nice to feel like I'm being taken seriously. On another side of things, I've decided once and for all that I will NOT be going to brewing school and instead focusing on what has always been the primary goal: owning a pub. The plan will be to get a place that serves a nice range of international and local craft beers, and eventually make one or two small batch beers that can be put on tap along with the regular stuff. The more I've been tasting and hearing about small batch brews, the more I like it. More room to experiment and fuck around while at the same time not blowing your savings on a beer that might not be well liked. So with that decision made, I'll be moving forward trying to find money towards starting things up.

- My dad got some news that I can't really talk about yet. But he'll finally be getting recognition for his work in the Canadian music business. Am really proud of him. Travel will be involved in this.

- Client is happy with the photos I've taken of her and we'll be meeting up this week so I can hopefully get paid. That will be Christmas and maybe a PS3 sorted out for me.

- Picked up Psychonauts on Steam and am loving it.

- Friend is working towards starting up a baking business. Am officially now her test subject on recipes and she's giving me some contacts for organizations that help out people who want to start a business. Hopefully it works out! Very proud and happy for her.

That all I got? I think so.

There there@hex, I talked to you already, but remember to keep your chin defiant to the gods and take care of the ones that matter to you.

@raz, glad opening night went well. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343947#Comment_343947
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343947#Comment_343947Mon, 12 Nov 2012 15:17:02 -0600icelandbobWell most of you will have noticed that I've not been on here for a while. No, it's not because i hate you all, or that i find this place boring. It's just that the last two months have been frankly blast furnace shitsville with regards to my personal and work life. But right now, i realise that this is still a place for talk chat and opening up. and i guess it's something i do need right now.

The BOO

the last two months have been shit. Where to start? Well last month, Sigga badly put her back out. So bad we had to call our the doctor who recommended that she go to hospital. Seems some really bad problems with her discs, although nothing was definitely proven. She was in a huge amount of pain (spending 20 minutes to get in and out of bed, morphine for a couple of days followed by lots of temazepam), when came two more whammies. First, her period came. This meant hormones, bad PMT, more pain, and the realisation that this month, again no baby. Then to cap it all off, two of our best friends announced that they were expecting a kid. Our friend Cath has severe fertility problems and was a high risk for miscarrying, so it was all very unexpected, etc.This all caused a near breakdown with Sigga, which meant her going back to her therapist. Luckily her back is better, and despite what she feared, she is merely sad, not depressed. I had to go to a joint session with her therapist, which was... weird. She was nice, but was very much like the Barbara Streisand character in "Meet The Fockers"!

As for me, we I'm... struggling. I thought I was doing fine this summer, but it seems that stuff over the last couple of months, has shown that I've only been keeping a bit of a lid on things, Back in the beginning of September, I took on the role of producing content for the paper in the run up to the Iceland airwaves music festival. With me being stupid, I decided to do the best job that I could. This meant that it pretty much became a 2nd full time job, with me getting up at 6:30am to go to my regular job, then coming back home, doing interviews and writing till 11pm. With Sigga's problems, the stress of 2 jobs, and well as some admittedly out of control moments of drinking, had meant I've pretty much being fraying quite badly, to the point where two weeks ago I nearly completely broke down in front of everyone at the first staff meeting during the festival (On that day, we had to pull a feature because the subject pulled a hissy fit and threatened to sue me, which caused my bosses to question everything I did. And SWANS cancelled their performance that day!).

I managed to get through the festival without coming to any harm. But now I just feel completely bottomed out and totally empty inside. I'm so tired but I can't sleep and I find myself crying on the bus, or getting angry at everything to the point where I'm almost screaming at my co-workers for nothing at all. And then i find i beat myself up inside for being so stupid. And wash rinse, repeat. I don't really leave the house that much these days.

It´s gotten to the point where after much coaxing from Sigga and a friend, I too am going to see a psychiatrist for the 1st time ever on Monday. i really don't know what or why I'm doing this. I'm not sure what to expect. I don't think I'm that bad, but Sigga has told me that she's worried about me, and I don't want to scare her.

The YAY

Um.... OK, There was something i received last week, which did make me feel good inside for a while. Actually it was two things. It was message from two acts that i covered at the festival. One was a metal band who thanked me for the kinds words i had written about them, and the metal scene in Iceland in general (the mainstream press doesn't cover it that much). The second was from the singer in an Electro goth rock band to thank me for what I've been writing so far and to keep it up, etc. This was nice from them, as frankly i don't think my writing is that good at this moment.

Sorry, I'm going on here. there's guys here like Patrick who's lost his mum (He's right - It does kill you inside). Hey man, just do your best, and we'll be there for you if you do need us at any time. And make sure those jokes are as morbid as hell - they do help.

as for everyone else. Take care, love each other, etc. and try not to do anything stupid, OK? ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343956#Comment_343956
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343956#Comment_343956Mon, 12 Nov 2012 19:38:15 -0600Rootfireember
-First therapist/psychiatrist sessions tend to be questionaires and get-to-know-you type things. Nothing too bad. You'll do fine, and hopefully find the help you need so you can tell your brain and emotions to chillax, get some sleep and get back on track. Sounds like it's beeen rather crazy over there to say the least. Lotsa e-hugs, -roo. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343968#Comment_343968
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343968#Comment_343968Tue, 13 Nov 2012 00:49:38 -0600textureOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343979#Comment_343979
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=343979#Comment_343979Tue, 13 Nov 2012 08:00:00 -0600fleckyIn Rehab, in pain, In a colon-tract of seething, foul hatred of every bastard that tries to control my fury and psychosis.

@Self: Having a bit of a bad day, are we? ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344058#Comment_344058
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344058#Comment_344058Wed, 14 Nov 2012 12:34:27 -0600trini_naenaeI didn't do a rant about how work went on Sunday because I really didn't see the point. It sucked in many many ways, and went really really poorly, but I survived and it was over, and I figured that was good enough. Hahahahaha. Nope. I got a warning as a result. Apparently being exhausted (which is kind of my normal), and taking caffeine pills (also my normal), and then having to deal with the side effects of said caffeine pills (not my normal) and not knowing how to core apples and being slow at it as a result is a very bad thing. Understandable, but there really is only so much I can do about the exhaustion. Granted, part of it was because I was using all of my brainmeats trying to get that website going, and then my therapy sessions have been more intense lately (and there was one on Friday) and so I was more worn out than usual, but there really is only so much I can do. The kicker is, this problem isn't new for me. This is a reoccurring problem. I get tired and I get slow. And if I could fix it, I would. But I can't. Fuck. My life is turning into waiting periods between work, in which I try to survive the shift, and then go back home and so anything to take my mind off of how much my life sucks.

Depression and exhaustion and all that sort of stuff, could you just sod off now? Please?

Yay? The internet and phone at my parents were not working, but it got fixed. I did sleep beautifully Sunday night/Monday morning, and got to feel more awake than I had in ages, which was nice while it lasted. People were generally nice to me at work yesterday? I'm guessing out of pity.

Everyone Else:@oldhat: So glad to hear that the beer stuff is going well. It's always nice to see creative efforts get recognized. Kudos! Also, slightly jealous at being a test subject for delish food.

@icelandbob: Sorry to hear about all the stress you've been going through, but very glad you're seeing a psychiatrist. And like texture said, first sessions usually are about getting to know you and general sort of stuff. I hope you get lots of help and that things become more manageable.

@flecky: Respect for surviving as long as you have. Hoping the best. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344122#Comment_344122
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344122#Comment_344122Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:51:47 -0600Bombus HortorusBaby is now nearly nine days overdue. My poor partner is hardly able to walk now, and is struggling to sleep at all. I was tense last week, I'm ten times worse now. I worked at home for three days this week so I could do the school run for her and then took leave until the official paternity leave starts, but made the mistake of checking in with the office yesterday - something which I'd been working on seems to have gone pear shaped and that's sent my anxiety levels through the roof - have been necking valerian tablets like sweeties , and I need to do a hell of a lot of mental repair work to stop the worry about that consuming me for the next two weeks until I go back.

And the kids have been a sodding nightmare as well, I guess they're really fazed by what's going on as well - they've been shipped off to my partner's mother for two nights this week when we thought she was going into labour, but they're playing up really badly and fighting over stupid things; my increasingly desperate appeals to 'just please help us out here' are being ignored… DEVIL SPAWN. Partner's in for induction Monday, so at least we know there's an end date to this, but fuck, I want a drink so badly and I can't have one in case I have to drive at short notice.

The wahooooo

I'm not at work any more. Which is really good, even though I'm horribly wired… been sorting out things in my Cave - got a camp bed in there now so I can escape from the screaming if necessary and lie there and listen to rain drumming on the roof which is very cool. I've rebuilt my 6 year old desktop machine (the case is actually 12 years old) with a new processor, motherboard, memory, silent fans, silent power supply and wireless card (I meant to just get a faster processor for it but kind of got drawn in to one of those stupid techno-upgrade waterfalls).

And I've kind of enjoyed picking the girls up from school, sort of, even though they normally moan like hell at me because I'm not their mother or their nan - I've kind of felt more like a proper parent and not a wage slave.

The thinking of yoooooo

@bob - Jesus - my heart goes out to you and Sigga. What you're both going through is really, really, fucking hard, really, really painful and it's going to have taken its toll on you as well as her, especially with work pressure on top. It does take a hell of a lot of guts and courage to admit you need support though, and I hope you get what you need on Monday. Massive manly hugs to you both.

@oldhat - yay for the pub idea - don't know how things work in Canada, but some years ago in Winchester a group managed to get lottery funding to start up a bar/arts venue - they put on local drama productions and gigs, which secured them the money. Was a brilliant venue (and my weekend home) for a few years until they fucked it up by showing football and attracting teenage casuals. Don't know if there's any similar route you could take to help get started?

@trini - all that rings a bell - that tired/slow/waiting in between work - yep, sucks. Can you do anything, even small steps to try and turn it around? I managed at the start of the year by forcing a routine of helpful things (better food, more exercise, making myself read) to slowly fight off the crippling slow lethargy (I've gone back to it mind, but it worked for a while...). Hope you can find a way out of it. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344235#Comment_344235
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344235#Comment_344235Sat, 17 Nov 2012 19:12:36 -0600Rachæl Tyrell@oldhat - I feel you, lady. It's really frustrating to try and get back into it when things like walking can fuck you up for days. Keep at it!

@icelandbob - No matter what you write, be it awesome happy or mind-bendingly craptastic, it always makes me with we were IRL friends.

@hex - damn. my belated condolences. and... apologies that you didn't get your ass verbal led handed to you here by someone? I think?

SELF HARM:

Sickness sickness sickness. Bladder infection being only just kept at bay with steady stream of cranberry extract, which I then wrecked by completely demolishing my inside by eating uncooked beans. Did you know raw beans are toxic? I didn't. Now I do. Now my insides hate me more than before. All day yesterday I had to pee ever half an hour. Because of this I missed my Great Uncle's funeral today, because I knew I'd never survive the over an hour bus ride.

GOODNESS ME:

I seem to have found myself a freelance position as photographic assistant / prop stylist, and it's a position where the fact that I brought along my own mini vaporizer was looked on quite favorably.

I managed to explain succinctly to my father via email why I would not be attending Thanksgiving with his family.

I've got general physical therapy starting next week and pelvic floor physical therapy starting next month! I hope I'm gonna be like THIS lady!

I've also got medical tests tests tests coming up! One of them is a tension test. I hope I'm gonna be like THIS dog!

I'm volunteering at WFMU next week (health willing), which makes me happy, because WFMU is awesome and they got super fucked from the Hurricane Sandy.

Tomorrow I'm going to see my fellow give a talk at a Tourette's organization! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344237#Comment_344237
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344237#Comment_344237Sat, 17 Nov 2012 20:56:19 -0600mister hexReversing the order because I'm useless at the best of times but getting better ...

... which was Wednesday. The usual risible universal church service. A French priest. (IT WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU TO GET AN IRISH PRIEST?! OR ANYTHING BUT A FRENCH PRIEST?!), who read the stage directions at the cemetery ("The priest will now bless the grave." OH, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING? I'M SOME KIND OF FUCKING PAGAN WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO A FUNERAL BEFORE! May I remind you I used to be a fucking altar boy and if I catch YOU fucking an altar boy, Father Frency Fancypants, I'll cut off your testicles and feed them to frogs and horses. You Gallic cunt. You gotta lotta damn gaul ....!)

Honorable mention goes to the Ukrainian crypto-fascist Funeral Director and the wretched Portugese immigrant WHO ALMOST FUMBLED THE URN INTO THE GROUND. And really, that hole was barely big enough to fit a goddamn rose-bush, let alone my sainted Irish mother. I KNOW she was petite but this is fucking ridiculous. And you, gravedigger butterfingers? See me after class. #wepaidfivehundredbucksforTHAT

Today, I went out, for kinda really the first time, to a place that wasn't a hospital or a liquor store, to meet my sister for drinks at her local. I didn't call in advance, my sister is a creature of habit, she'll be there. I can present her with my mother's wedding ring (the one that was MISPLACED BY THE HOSPITAL AND WE ONLY GOT BACK because me & me dad went in and I had a look on my face that frightened EVERYONE. (Seriously? I AM TERRIFYINGLY, PANTS-SHITTINGLY INTENSE these days.Maybe it's my new haircut - when I have long hair, I look non-threatening, laid back, whatever. WHEN I HAVE SHORT HAIR, I LOOK NOTHING LIKE THAT. Feel me?)

So I attend the establishment and She's Not There. I ask the manageress if she's been in. "No, she called, she ain't coming." Well, I'm her brother. Is it okay if I sit at her table? "Do whatever you want, she's not there." OKAY.

I sit down. Minutes stretch by, crawling on little stumps. Attractive waitresses float by and ignore me. The lady manageress studiously ignores me. No nothing. The place is practically empty.

Two hung-over bros sit down at the table across from me. They get served BEFORE ME. Beers and big glasses of ice water*.

FINALLY, the Most Beautiful Woman In the World, my waitress, attends my table. "Thank God, you're here!" I say, maybe a little too loud. (I do that sometimes.) "A menu, please. And a pint of Harp." They don't have it anymore. "Kilkenny'll do."

Twenty-two bucks for a club sandwich and a beer. Oh and I asked for a glass of water* and instead of a pint glass, I got a rocks glass. What am I, Charlie Brown? No tip, natch. I'm debating about whether or not to inform my sister about this unforunate incident. She's a regular Regular. When I expressed my displeasure at the crap level of service to the lady manageress, she said to me "well, I know HER, I don't know YOU." Heh. OKAY.

TRES JOLIE, BIEN SUR!

Like I said,I'm INTENSE now. Writing like mad and not badly. Today, in the liquor store, a girl (woman? I dunno, a cutie, mid-twenties) took one look at me and stopped in her tracks like a deer in the headlights, literally, as I was travelling toward her to the cash desk. Honestly, it's a bit of an ego boost when you notice somebody checking you out.My Favorite Cashier also checked out my act quite approvingly. And she is a FOX so that was nice.

Gotten a lot closer to my dad. Any problems I have to the side, the poor man's lost his wife of 55 years (we just celebrated it). I had to teach him how to do laundry. (HE DIDN'T FUCK IT UP! Of course, I only let him practice with sheets and I had to do it anyway but I told him how much soap to use and HE REMEMBERED THAT PART! So yay me.) But yeah, me and me da are gettin' to be quite chummy. Going to see LINCOLN tomorrow, who's quite a hero of both of us. (MY DAD is a Civil War Nerd. Me too, a bit. Family vacations were spent touring battle sites. And they were fondly remembered.) Been digging up a lot of old pictures, connecting with family. It's ... good.

Crying a lot less. Everyday, little bit less. Lots of support from people I barely know. Thanks again.

PETER KELLY CAME TO MY MOM'S FUNERAL. He never met her. He didn't even know anybody else there. I introduced him to some people but I slept-walked through the ridiculous ceremony, clutching my great-grandfather's watch, jonesing for a beer and a cigarette. I OWE PETER KELLY A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY.

Carry On Whitechapel. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344244#Comment_344244
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344244#Comment_344244Sun, 18 Nov 2012 01:59:07 -0600razrangelThe OH, NO!Perhaps not spectacularly professional to post this online but I will elide names and places and simply note that previous to this weekend I had delineations for "diva" actors and "princess." Diva actors are the standard shit has to go their way or else and who make other people work much harder than normal, for the regular return that non-diva actors give. Princess is a nickname given to diva-ish actors who not only have to make everything happen on their terms, but go in and demand changes to the show because of some XYZ reason of their own, regardless of how much or little they understand the show. And this weekend I have discovered another sort, the bitchass motherfucker. The btmr will do things their way, ignore everyone else's pleas that they don't, throw their invented power around and declare that they are imbued with the right to threaten people's jobs if they don't perform as desired.

It's not really been disasterously bad. Yet. But I'm trying to be so well collected and professional that I don't just laugh in this btmr's face. It's kind of hard. I am a little worried that this person will just up and do something bad for the show because they (of course) think that they know all and therefore nothing they do can possibly be wrong. But other than that I almost want to print out the last email they sent to me - CCing the *entire* cast in order to make sure everyone knows they are a btmr - and frame it. It demands an apology for an email I sent in private correcting some of their actions, and furthermore insists that the email I wrote should only have been a thank you.

I mean that's comedy. And offensive. And horribly, hideously funny. (And it's a good fucking thing I feel like laughing. The alternative seems to be exploring the option of fucking walking. Because FUCK THIS HORSESHIT SIDEWAYS.)

The Oh, HEY!This weekend went fucking nuts in a hurry. It's nice to be needed and to have things to do that are totally My Thing. But I am BU-ZEE. Jamming from 10am to now (about 2am). There's a low key party going on around me, so who knows if I'll be able to get some sleep tonight. And then up first thing for a workshop at 9am, matinee of my show at noon, and then go run another show at 5pm. All I can do is freaking PRAY I don't fall asleep during any of this. If you think long plays can put you to sleep, try watching it for the dozenth time with no sleep. Balls. Just hoping that my friend comes through on the second play and I do get a little bit of cash out of it. A half a tank of gas is worth skipping sleep...?

It's really fun to get to all of this, I just wish I didn't have to worry about little things like finding the time to eat or sleep. Freaking details. They'll ruin your day.

But...the funny thing is that due to all this work this weekend I am dying for it to be Monday! HAH that's what I get for being into theatre. Mondays are for R&R. I love Mondays. I want it to be Monday.

The HEY, YOU GUYS!

@Hex - I kinda want to kiss with you and dance with you. But that could be the half bottle of wine talking. I mean I kind of want a cigarette too even though I KNOW I'll just two puffs in and get bored of it. Uh...back on track... man. I don't know what would be better to say other than you're on my mind and I wish shit weren't so shitty for you, but there's nothing for it...shit just has to suck until it doesn't. Or until you don't really notice the suck anymore except for once in a while when you're driving in the rain and your mind is wandering and your remember the sound of a voice and then you can't breathe and you sort of half way whisper a prayer to them and you sort of half cuss out the world but mostly you try not to crash your car while you cry just a little bit. I don't know why that leads me to wanting to kiss (I mean, well...drinking...but aside from that) other than reading what you wrote and feeling like I get it even though I don't and just wanting to share something but having nothing (the wine is gone). Just... thinking about you.

@Trini - *perfectly chaste virtual hug* Sucks being tired at work and no option but chemical up-ness and just hoping you can fake the attention. It just sucks. I hope you can get some proper rest and find work that is interesting enough that you can't wait to do it.

@JP *warm handshake* Hope the wait is over, poppa. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344384#Comment_344384
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344384#Comment_344384Tue, 20 Nov 2012 14:33:44 -0600Bombus HortorusBaby came... everything went OK, she's home safely and all my girls are back. And the thing is, it changes a lot more for me than just having another kid. I think, for the last three years, the whole process of having another baby has been the absolute be all and end all for my partner, and it seems to have defined everything about our relationship. We didn't agree on it for a long time, it caused an awful lot of angst and difficulty, and when it turned out to be more complicated than before it all got worse. When we lost a baby last year, it was one of the darkest periods I've ever been through; when she fell pregnant again this year, she was totally convinced that it wouldn't make it after being told by a consultant that there was a chance she'd need surgery before being able to sustain another pregnancy, so it hasn't really been a relaxing few months. And now all that terror and tension has gone, it just melted away on Saturday afternoon. None of it seems to matter any more, at least not now. She's so happy, and I feel churlish for my three years of boundless nihilism.If I could just bottle this feeling of calm and keep swigging from it, I'd be made for life.

Bittersweet boooo

In-laws sold their yacht. Good thing for them, and a real relief, they really needed the money and it was costing a fortune to berth it, far more than they could afford. But I had a fantasy about taking it on and learning to sail, we'd kicked around an idea of a few of us getting together to refurbish it and use it but didn't come to anything. If only I had the money... and that's really all I care to moan about right now. A non moan, just a faint, wistful 'oh well'.

E-hugs

@Raz - could you 'accidentally' reply to the email and cc in THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD? People like that need a slap in the face with a wet kipper to bring them down to earth. @Hex - glad you made it through the funeral. Salutes to Peter Kelly... ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344456#Comment_344456
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344456#Comment_344456Thu, 22 Nov 2012 10:58:33 -0600oldhat- Been in a hell of a lot of pain recently due to overexerting myself by walking a few miles. Work has been pretty hard to do and painkillers just aren't helping.

- Very tired. For the past three weeks I've been getting about 2-4 hours of sleep a night (mostly due to getting home from work really late and restlessness when I go to bed). Hoping for a day alone in my house so I can sleep undisturbed. As it is, when I get home from work and attempt to nap, people around the house decide to pick that time to want me for everything. So...that doesn't happen.

- American Thanksgiving frenzy is making me think about my family and how much I miss them. Don't talk to my Canadian relatives and the relatives in England are...well, in England, so it's usually just me and my parents for Big Family Stuff (made a touch more depressing with the notable absence of my brother, who passed away in 2009). Bah. Bitch and moan.

YAAAAAY:

- To those wondering about the depression, it's still there, but manageable. Basically I've gone from dealing with a whole whack of things that caused a breakdown to about two things (missing the hell out of Person of Significance and issues around weight) which...I can deal with. Those things aren't really that new, to be honest so it's fine.

- So, I was invited to join the committee for the Toronto chapter of Barley's Angels, a group essentially setting out to educate women on the world of Craft Beer. Last night was my first meeting and it went pretty well, I thought. I got some ideas out there and much to my surprise made a good impression. I have some reservations, but I guess we'll see how it goes.

- The weather is cold and I am LOVING the sweaters. And my homemade Batman heatpack (though I just found a fabric with villains on it, so I might make another). And intentionally lowering the heat at night so I can bundle up in the thickest blankets. And my armwarmers. Ah, the cold!

- A trip to Regina may be in my future.

Boy-howdy:

@JP, again, congrats on the child! @Hex, Good to see you got out of that alright. Call me for drinks soon. And Peter Kelly isn't allowed to leave sober.@Rachael, I am just not used to this. I'm the type whose default mode of transportation is walking, so getting fucked up with pain after even a light walk is screwing with my head. Blegh. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344457#Comment_344457
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344457#Comment_344457Thu, 22 Nov 2012 11:30:18 -0600GreasemonkeyOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344476#Comment_344476
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344476#Comment_344476Thu, 22 Nov 2012 15:05:05 -0600Peter KellyWeird week, where the things bothering me were put in perspective (but still bother me)Had to a staff member have to go to the hospital on Monday (she's all good now) and another co-worker leave early today to take his new born to the hospital. So everything else is just small stuff.

That said, The sheer amount of inefficiencies or flat out wastes of time at work are driving me insane. Mainly because I was told flat out, I am not becoming an editor in Jan as I was promised due to other people's inefficiencies/inabilities to get their shit together. Mid Feb is the new timeline for my return to fulltime editing, but I'll believe it when it happens

Good newsWife's etsy shop is picking up steam again. Which is good, cause every extra dollar helpsDespite my aggravation at work, I'm set to edit a scripted comedy in the spring, which has been a goal of mine for a long time (and fairly rare thing in Canada)And last weekend I watched hours & hours of Pat Thornton. I'm a huge fan of the guy (local comedian/actor) and he did 24 hours of straight stand up (raising money for charity) and I'm still laughing at the stupidest stuff he said, like "Can I help you?" - Keanu Jeeves or "Short round, I'm calling long distance and I need you to pick me up" - Indiana Phones.

@Hex - great to see you, hated the circumstances. (FYI Everyone, When the priest asked us all to "give a sign of peace" to one another, Hex skipped the hand shaking and went to the Vulcan "live long and prosper")@oldhat - Indie Ale House opened up near my place in the Junction. I think you would love it. They seem to be brewing different beers all the time and the staff all seem to know their shit, they are not just opening bottles of Bud.@icelandbob - glad your back! Yes, we Canadians are big fans. @trini - don't think I didn't make note that you're willing to "be interesting" if/when I get that doc in my head sorted ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344526#Comment_344526
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344526#Comment_344526Fri, 23 Nov 2012 15:05:09 -0600OsmosisOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344583#Comment_344583
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344583#Comment_344583Sun, 25 Nov 2012 17:43:13 -0600arklight
@Hex- im sorry to hear all the pain you're going thru..its been that kind of year over here too on my side.@JP - wonderful news!!

Heri Mkochahttps://www.youtube.com/thearklight ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344593#Comment_344593
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344593#Comment_344593Sun, 25 Nov 2012 22:40:25 -0600RootfireemberThere was more yelling at me, and arguing; and things that make no sense. As a friend put it, they want me to fail so hard that they're doing all they can to make it so I can't not fail.

The stress has made my brain a bit wacky. I suspect its trying to give me a way out when everything else seems fubar'd, or sleep deprivation.

Good-I have not destroyed myself.My coworkers have been awesome and supportive, even though I'm sure my I hate my life rants have bored them to tears by this point. I don't get a lot of hours: But at least they are SOME sort of stability.

Applesauce-@JP- Congrats@PeterKelly- Glad to hear that the Esty shop is helping you guys. Hope the idiocy at work doesn't drive you insane. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344840#Comment_344840
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344840#Comment_344840Fri, 30 Nov 2012 18:59:20 -0600Rootfireember
I don't know what to say. I'm very low, and I'm going to miss you all greatly. No matter what the family says, you guys have always been a bright point in my life, and have brought me more joy and happiness and hope than I knew before.You guys are an amazing bunch of people, and I'm sorry to be leaving you. ~Roo ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344843#Comment_344843
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344843#Comment_344843Fri, 30 Nov 2012 19:13:48 -0600Peter Kelly
So shitty to hear this.

I know you're not in control right now, but this won't last. It may seem like it will, but it will not. You will get to decide things for yourself, you will be able do what is best for yourself (and regardless of what other say, you are going to know that best) you just need to persevere. Life will get better. I swear to god it does.and if nothing else, as much as you love whitechapel, remember we love you too! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344844#Comment_344844
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344844#Comment_344844Fri, 30 Nov 2012 19:25:35 -0600RootfireemberOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344845#Comment_344845
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344845#Comment_344845Fri, 30 Nov 2012 20:09:50 -0600Rachæl TyrellI'm not saying that your family isn't being incredibly dickish and harmful. But maybe you can find a way to make it less of a fucking nightmare of isolation.

I say this as someone who has spent the most isolated times of my life when under the influence of family who have insisted on thinking that "tough love" was the way to go with me, while I was in pain and needing comfort/support/rest, not harsher treatment and social slaughter. Their treatment of me only delayed my ability to get back on my feet and on my own again. Some people just seem to think that if you are sick and can't do the things they deem mandatory, then you don't deserve social interaction or a source of entertainment and frivolity. If you had a broken leg, they'd not mind if you were guffawing at cartoons all day, but if you look fine, no consideration is given.

But back to your situation at hand. Fuck em. Go analog. What, are they going to cancel the mail, too?! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344846#Comment_344846
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344846#Comment_344846Fri, 30 Nov 2012 20:42:35 -0600RootfireemberOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344847#Comment_344847
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344847#Comment_344847Fri, 30 Nov 2012 21:05:14 -0600Peter KellyRoof, e-mail me peter at ihaveissuesproductions.com with your address and I'll gladly send you some snail mail. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344848#Comment_344848
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344848#Comment_344848Fri, 30 Nov 2012 21:10:48 -0600oldhatOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344849#Comment_344849
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344849#Comment_344849Fri, 30 Nov 2012 21:15:57 -0600Kay OrchisonTwo things: 1. This is seriously dangerous. Your family think they're helping you but they're actually putting you at risk. Isolating someone with depression while making them come off the meds is the sort of strategy that winds up having to be justified to the coroner later on. Stay in contact with people by whatever means necessary. You need sane voices in your life.

2. Rachæl's idea is gold, but if you have access to a computer you could go one step further: the old bin Laden Afghan Thumbdrive Gambit. You could still get your Whitechapel feeds by proxy. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344865#Comment_344865
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344865#Comment_344865Sat, 01 Dec 2012 10:47:07 -0600trini_naenaeOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344911#Comment_344911
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344911#Comment_344911Sun, 02 Dec 2012 14:06:03 -0600glukkake I was sterilized the other day! Since the moment I was explained how babies come to be, I've always known that carrying a pregnancy to term was not for me. Growing up into the person I am today has reinforced the idea that I don't want children and much more than that, I don't want to be impregnated. A couple months ago I finally got a referral from my gynecologist to another doctor in the same practice who does Essure, a permanent form of birth control that is minimally invasive. Friday was my big day.The procedure, as always seems to happen to me, apparently had everything go wrong that could possibly go wrong. All in all though, pain/discomfort level was like a combination of getting tattooed in a really awful place and the worst of period cramps. And then I went into a blessed pain killer coma for the rest of the day with one of my guy friends snuggling me and watching Star Trek. Yesterday I was on my feet and back to screenprinting for a full 8 hours, without even having to take a couple advils. Would do again, recommend to others, etc.

And thanks to insurance, this cost me only the $20 co-pay. Whoo! I'll have an exam at the end of February to confirm that I have been sealed airtight, but am having a wake for our fertility for Valentines Day along with one of my best friends who himself had a vasectomy a couple months ago.

@Roo - agreed about becoming pen pals if you'd like. Additionally, like trini says, maybe there are ways to get yourself away from them? Especially if you can see your therapist one more time. Obv, your therapist knows that you need to continue treatment and may be able to help advocate for you to get into some manner of program. What they're doing is insanely dangerous. We all believe in you though and will do what we can to help you out. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344913#Comment_344913
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344913#Comment_344913Sun, 02 Dec 2012 14:22:16 -0600allana
FFS "PROGRESSIVE" COUNTRY MY ASS

Thanks, Glu. That's invaluable, for a friend of mine. On the topic of baby-making, I had about four minutes of sadface the other night. My man-friend is experiencing some health issues, and then I was reading what was frankly a morbid chapter in a fantasy novel about forced insemination, and then ... yeah. Weird. Thinking maybe I'll maintain my baby-making abilities for a while longer. The idea is kind of gross, still, in an overall way, but I can see a few distinct situations in which it might be warranted. Well, that was vague.

In other news, school. In exactly 24 hours, I'll be just that much closer to being done this semester ... But my rates of procrastination up to this precise point are only now showing their drawbacks. In a word, flipping. Yet still procrastinating, here. Then it's about a half-day of relaxation (and a pot luck! I love pot lucks!) before something due on Thursday and something due on Monday and then I am DONE.I really need, like, three hours of not-school, to buy some waterproof boots. Winter is starting in Montreal and I am not prepared. Friday morning, maybe.

I just really don't want to do that thing where I finish all my work and decompress and then FORGET EVERYTHING and stop being motivated to investigate stuff independently, until next semester starts and sucks me up and distracts me. The essay I'm writing right now might actually be super useful to one of my employers, and I want to capitalize on it. So, remind me to do that.

Okay bye! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344915#Comment_344915
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344915#Comment_344915Sun, 02 Dec 2012 15:25:16 -0600oldhat- Still missing Person of Significance and most victories are feeling pretty hollow without that person around. Could go on about that for a while, but you've had enough of my crap concerning it.

- Still waiting to see a counseller. Call the crisis line if things get too bad, which thankfully, they haven't in a while.

- Weight is still being a bugger. Though it seems like a good portion of the weight has gone to my boobs and, what now seems to be a very well-rounded butt. So...yay?

- Parents, as much as I love them, are driving me up the fucking wall.

FEH:

- Beer stuff has been good. A review I did made it in to Cashbox Magazine, I went to a Toronto beer writer's meet where I got some respect from people I respect, and it looks like for my birthday on Tuesday I'll be reading over to a brewery to discuss a new beer and the science of it. Also may be getting some help from a champion homebrewer on a recipe idea I have.

- Birthday is on Tuesday. I'm turning 28. One of the first birthdays I've had where I've been pretty indifferent. But still, the family takes me out to dinner and that's nice.

Like I need something else to be self conscious about. I also woke up from the surgery in screaming pain, and looked like this:

So... yeah. Good choice!

GOOD and BAD all MIXED TOGETHER:

I've started physical therapy. The regular kind, and the lady parts kind. This means I've got at least three visits to doctors a week which sucks and all, but it's progress. I've been terribly tired though, and going out a few days a week really does wreck me. However, the new possible diagnosis of Myasthenia Gravis is promising and makes a lot of sense. I've been trying to schedule this bastard test to find out if I've got it. What a fabulous birthday present that would be. I want to be this dog:

(i think I posted that already.)

I broke up with the fellow. I feel awful about it because I really and truly do love the guy. He's fabulous and understands a lot of my personal verbal shorthand and many different referencey dialects of life. I've known him for 12 years. But it's been six months and I'm not in love with him. And I was catching myself thinking things like "aw, too bad I'm taken". I think it's just too imbalanced, as he's had feelings for me since the beginning, and I'm starting from scratch for the most part. I'm trying to be friends with him, but I think he's too heartbroken to really be able to handle that for a long while. I get that. I was there. I'm trying to not be a dick and not be selfish, because I really do love his company and I really don't have many people in the world, and I don't want to just be slowly bleeding him to death in the friend zone.

I dont' know what to do. He thinks it's a matter of my being scared. But I'm not. I'm just easily suffocated. EAsily smothered. I'm not ready for being a person's girlfriend and life-mate. But then, there are those rare occasions I'm willing in my own way, and on those rare occasions, I'm totally devoured by another person. Completely possessed. And I'm not really willing to accept less than that. Perhaps that's an unhealthy relationship ideal, but it's the kind that doesn't leave me wishing or wanting. And I don't have that with him. I wish I did, and it's giving me this really weird platonic heartbreak.

However, the good that this has brought is that I have a new appreciation and understanding of the fellow I was all hung up on and heartbroken over two years ago. It was a confluence of bad timing, and while he didn't handle the situation very well, I was going through some terrible family crap, complete social isolation, AND I had lyme disease that made me bed ridden and crazy/hysterical from brain swelling. Every part of that equation fed into every other part. Now, I'm hoping that I've gone around full circle and that he and I can be friends. I still miss him, but it doesn't hurt. And that's pretty awesome.

But it feels empty to not have someone I'm involved with or pining for or tempted by or anything.

And then I think maybe I go through this only-wanting-guys-i-can't-have thing because I'm really more into women but they terrify me (and are expensive. and crazy). But that's a whole different rant. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344930#Comment_344930
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=344930#Comment_344930Sun, 02 Dec 2012 19:49:50 -0600Rootfireember
Will start doing snail mail once I write down who's/where's. got crapphone setup for twitter and Facebook, so at least I can get things updated somewhat and not like I dropped off the face of the earth. Still upset, very very stressed, & dealing with a lot of communication issues with mom involving her using over generalized/wrong words and changing topics without notice then getting mad at me. Honestly most of the time I have no clue wtf she is talking about... ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345039#Comment_345039
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345039#Comment_345039Tue, 04 Dec 2012 22:36:58 -0600Fishelle
Sorry to hear about the breakup. It sounds like you're doing okay and everything, but that sort of thing always does suck a bit.

@RootGlad you'll be around for a bit at least. I can also snail mail if you'd like. My email is trishelle_jeffery@yahoo.com. Although I have sort of sucked at snail mail the last few months.

Bad:Fucking finals.

Good:I finished printing my thing for letterpress tonight. Was supposed to be a whole book, but I just managed the first signature. Still will probably get an A, or close to it. I'm going to miss the folks in Book Arts an awful lot when I'm done.Also finished carving out the background in my 8ft tall woodcut. Still have to finish the legs and actually print the blasted thing (by hand because it's too big for the press, which I'm not looking forward to at all). But it's looking good. I have until tuesday.

I should not be allowed to come up with my own projects. Saying I bit off more than I could chew with this semester would be a substantial understatement. And this semester was supposed to be an easy one so I could keep my grades up and not lose my scholarship.

I also got asked to do a comic for a neat local magazine. Still have to draw it all, and finding time is a bit tough, but it'll be neat to be in there. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345049#Comment_345049
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345049#Comment_345049Wed, 05 Dec 2012 04:38:33 -0600mister hexPUNCHING JESUS IN THE FACE - As of this writing, my mom is still dead.

My work makes me want to punch Jesus in the face and/or kick a baby down a flight of stairs.

I have no money, few cigarettes and a scowl on my face that is truly frightening, whenever I bother to glance in a mirror.

I am not to be fucked with these days. People get out of my way and that's a good-bad thing because I'd really like the chance to beat the shit out of somebody. The other day, four 'bros', each six-foot-plus, laughing like idiots and making noise, came into my work and I shut them up just by looking at them.

SMOKIN' DOPE WITH BUDDHA - I. Can COOK. Embracing my Mustachio'd Domestic Goddess, I. Can COOK. Haven't failed yet. (Cut myself a couple of times but when I make food? IT'S GOOD.) My dad and my nephew don't really bother to compliment my culinary awesomeness, other than to mumble "s'good" in between bites but whatever.I CAN COOK. Ladies, feel free to swoon.

Me and my dad continue to get closer. We're going to see Lincoln this afternoon and my dad is a HUGE Civil War/ Lincoln Nerd (I have a map of the Battle of Gettysburg and a portrait of the Surrender At Appamatox in my kitchen - heh. MY kitchen. *sniff* #hereIgoagain).

@EVERYONE - thanks for all your help. I've been a bit of a crybaby but you guys are the best. Thanks again. I'd kiss you all but that's impossible and neither of us would like it so I won't do that. But thanks again.

@Peter Kelly - WHISKEY.

EDIT TO ADD - THIS

iT HELPS. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345069#Comment_345069
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345069#Comment_345069Wed, 05 Dec 2012 16:05:24 -0600trini_naenaeVomit:Job makes me feel like shit. Depression is kicking my ass. The paperwork side of the website is kicking my ass. And it's possible that one of the reasons I'm so fucked up emotionally (especially relationship-wise) is that my experiences in South Asia/the boarding school were traumatic. I hadn't ever thought of it as traumatic, but after confessing that I have a hard time trusting my own judgment with social and romantic situations, which is a common thing for victims of trauma to experience, along with the constant threat of rape and assault when I was in South Asia... yeah. So I probably have a mild version of PTSD. I never thought something like that could ever apply to me. My mom wasn't surprised though. The good news is that apparently exposure therapy is one of the best ways to retrain my thought processes to not be so messed up, so I have a chance of getting better. On the other hand, I'm realizing that the mission agency knew full well what they were doing when they sent my family to an environment that was so hostile to women, and my sister and I to a boarding school that was incredibly toxic. What the fuck guys? So a good chunk of my problems are a result of people putting religion ahead of people. And that pisses me off.

Cake:Today I got paid to hang out with my former bosses husband (he has Alzheimers), helping him run errands and stuff. Tomorrow we're going to do some Christmas baking at a local business that is hosting a baking party of sorts. And depending how things are going with the schedule of the guy who usually hangs out with him, I might be doing that one day a week. This is extra great because that means more pay doing something I actually enjoy for people I really like. Also, I finally got around to getting a Wii (just as it becoming outdated, but whatever). Which I intend to use to get off my ass and exercise. I hope it works.

Gourmet Restaurant:@rootfireember: I'm crossing my fingers for you and hoping that some serious solutions to dealing with your family come up, because it's mind boggling to me how bad they treat you. You deserve much better than that.

@glukkake, allana & rachael: Right now I'm on implanon birth control, which is this tiny tube thing they stick in your arm, which is going to last until I turn 30, at which point, I'll have it taken out and get my tubes tied, or essure, or whatever is the easiest/cheapest permanent option (preferably something the state of WI will cover for me). Yay birth control! Especially the permanent stuff! Just wish there were less hoops to jump through to get it.

@oldhat: I hope you don't have to wait much longer to see a counselor. The beer stuff and the PS3 sound fun. :)

@Rachael: Sorry to hear about the breakup, and hoping the physical therapy helps.

@mister hex: I so hate it when my posts get eaten! Bummer. Glad to hear at least some things are going well for you, and huzzah on the mad cooking skills. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345092#Comment_345092
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345092#Comment_345092Thu, 06 Dec 2012 08:44:31 -0600fleckyI'm still here in rehab, which has really fucked-up my 'relationship' with the Interweb - I can only go on it in wee-spurts, meaning I'm constantly looking at the clock, watching the minutes get sucked-up into a vortex of nothing.

Nights are long; very long. Tedium and headaches, as the community sit around watching ultra-crap TV. Me, I've got a reputation as a mad, funny bastard, prone to long bouts of bi-polar madness and other stuff. Come early evening, I am fucked. Tired. Drained.

I think I've got funding for another three months, so I'm going to be here over bloody Xmas - which don't really mean shit to me, as last year I fucked-up super-style.

LISTENING TO SUICIDE ON ME MP3:

Good stuff: Yikes, not much of that at the moment. Soon hitting the 90-Day-Clean mark, so that's gotta be worth cracking a smile for. I've nearly finished my role as 'House Leader', being the twat that makes sure shit gets done in a converted pub full of scum-like-me. Yep, a pub turned into a rehab - Give me a bottle of Jack, o spirit of yesterday.

Life is funny, and then you explode.

Shit, I just remembered: Yesterday I went caving. Proper style, with a helmet on me head with a lamp on it. And I really enjoyed it, apart from the bit when I got stuck and crushed a ball between a narrow fissure thing.

LOOK AT THE IRISH DANCE:

@mister hex: Hope all is going OK with you. Sorry about your loss - I was trying to think of something clever to say a few weeks back, but I couldn't, so I didn't.

@Rachael: Take care, mate.

Shit...the staff have informed me I've got two minutes left, so I must fleeeeee!!!!!!

Robin, Patrick, Peter: Drinking? Sometime between the 16th and 30th? Being broke-ass hasn't stopped us yet.

Me, just having a down weekend. A pleasant relaxed down, like it's been too long, like I deserve some moping after three months spent too busy to think. So that's the good/bad together. One last assignment, upon which I am working now (WC, why are you the place I go when I'm supposed to be writing?), then the semester's done. I can predict with reasonable accuracy my marks, and none of them are particularly horrible. Then I go home. I am a bit frustrated as my coordinator at work hasn't replied to my email and thus I don't know if I can work extra time this week before the holidays. Money looks to be a bit tight for next semester, so I'll probably try to con the internship into paying me a stipend or something. Other than that, all things are well. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345212#Comment_345212
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345212#Comment_345212Sun, 09 Dec 2012 17:00:54 -0600Peter KellyOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345243#Comment_345243
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345243#Comment_345243Mon, 10 Dec 2012 11:31:28 -0600oldhatUGHUps and downs, I guess. During the day I've been doing well by keeping busy and having some pretty happy and gratifying moments (see below for that stuff) but...I dunno. There's always this little bubbling going on in my brain and when the day is done and I get home all the stuff that's been getting to me just hits. Feels like being depressed is my default state and I don't like it one bit. Weight is partially tied in...have been gaining despite better change in diet and exercise that would normally just wind me for a bit is leaving me almost paralysed for days after (currently unable to walk due to too many jumping jacks). I just hate this numb sad feeling and I ESPECIALLY hate that it's controlling me. I'm more quiet now and less prone to go out. During the day I'm craving solitude more than anything and when I'm finally alone I can't stand it and need company. I hate it.

However, I AM fighting it best I can. Still on the waiting list for a counseller (going to yell at my doc about it next week), will try to head to my gym that has this depression workshop...thing going on Friday, am cutting down on the (not work-related) drinking which is increasing and bleeding in to weeknights, am reading and gaming more, which is good for thinking of other things and...yeah. I'm kicking ass, it's just taking a while and there are some battles I win and lose. Bit by bit though, right?

UH?

- I've decided to write a book. A small one. Basics of beer appreciation (knowing the styles, different types of glasses, doing a tasting, how it's made) and what to do in certain situations (ordering for yourself, ordering for others, picking out a drink for a party, asking for samples etc.). Have started writing it now and will hopefully have something out on lulu by Spring.

- Going on TV again, talking about beer gift sets for last minute shoppers. It'll be on the 21st, so I'm thinking of bringing along a bottle of La Fin Du Monde. Snrk.

- My dad is (finally) getting recognition for his role in the Canadian music industry at next year's Juno Awards. As I understand it, the whole family is getting a free flight/hotel in Regina and mom and I will be appearing on his special introduction video. Very proud of him!

- Enjoying the hell out of Mass Effect.

HURRAH

@Allana, maaaaybe. After the 21st I'm gone until January.

@Trini, that is so fucked up to hear about your time in South Asia. I'm so sorry.

@Rachael, sad to hear about the breakup, but I guess these things happen. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345276#Comment_345276
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345276#Comment_345276Tue, 11 Dec 2012 04:16:14 -0600razrangel??????Five weeks down one week to go on the play. Good reviews all around. Possibility of some awards. Nice. (Going to extend in January with several complications. Not nice.) Saw friends earlier today and finally met their children. Dinner at the sweet little home and talking with pals who knew me in college, kind of a trip, really just a comfort. They could be tough, we've all had to change and I certainly am very different now. But they've been smacked around by life so they're kindly turn a blind eye to my old BS. Well, as I said, they're friends. That's what friends do, yeah? Saturday went to a wedding. Whole different group of friends. Conflicting feelings, but all in all cheered to see people I don't see often. Growing up is just...complicated. Sorry to sound like a fucking greeting card but it's damnably, cloylingly true, We're told that it's all about success and getting people to admire us, but really it's all about the friends & relationships that see you through. I dig my friends hard. They're generous and funny and weird. Who could ask for anything more?

????Some blues keeping coming for me. It's not too intense, but they keep coming back night after night. That ole urge to tear myself apart, to give up, to lose myself in something incredibly stupid. Seems to come along with stress. And loneliness. Long, dark nights and feeling like no one that I want wants me. Singleness weighs me down and compounds already present feelings of disappointment or irritation with myself. Even makes it hard to think of other problems. Lack of money, lack of time, lack of discipline, coming up short in every possible aspect. I would never want to date me. But my lips, that emptiness... it aches.

????????@flecky - Good feckin on ya, lad! And keep it up! Excellent work!@Trini *virtual hug* I know from work making me lose my shit. I sure wish I knew how I could make it better. Is a vacation at all possible? What will it take to leave that position entirely? Grandmaster Ellis once said the key to getting somewhere was to identify an objective and remove all obstacles methodically. Sounds like it has every possibility of working for someone with some discipline (ie not me).@oldhat Yay for getting on TV on your own power AND for getting to support your dad for his work! That is a Very Nifty Thing! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345326#Comment_345326
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345326#Comment_345326Wed, 12 Dec 2012 07:47:55 -0600mister hex@oldhat - DRINKING! @razr - took the words right outta my mouth. Every. Single. One. *CLAPS, LOUDLY.* Bonus points for invoking Warren. @trini - aw, honey. *hugs* wrong thread, I know. @ rachael - aw, honey. *ibid*

NEXT! - My cousin's ex-husband just died. He were a particularly Good Guy. Five kids. We were mates, kinda. Good guy. I'll miss him. WHAT THE HELL, 2012?

DEATH seems to be ridiculing me. We'll SEE who has the Last Laugh. (Gonna be Death but he/she won't look so happy with all those missing teeth. BECAUSE IF YOU THINK I'M GOING QUIETLY, WELL ...!)

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

ALL. OF. YOU. EXACTLY WHAT IS NEEDED. I have fans, apparently. I'm not bad. Women might actually consider being unclothed when I am actually in the room. Or on the street. To be honest, WOMEN ARE THROWING THEMSELVES AT ME RIGHT ABOUT NOW. Not sure what to do. A sad thing, when a naked woman hits the ground.

Woot:I'm getting more work that is basically homecare. It's with people I know, and it's mostly doing things like running errands, doing puzzles, and on Friday we'll be making Christmas cards. This is good because A)second source of income means my budget is not so tight, and B)this is a job that actually makes me feel good about myself. I actually felt like cleaning twice after working that job. That is so not normal. The other thing is that I filled in for someone yesterday at the main job and earned some goodwill points.

The Important Part:@flecky: Kudos on the 90 days!@allana: I hope you're successful at getting paid for the internship. *crosses fingers*@oldhat: Damn, waiting that long for a counselor is a bit shit. Though getting on TV and your dad getting recognition is badass. And yeah, the stuff I've been through is fucked up. It's been over ten years and I'm still dealing with the consequences? Thanks though.@razrangel: Loneliness sucks! I've found it helps to focus on what I do have (good friends) instead of what I don't have (boyfriend and lots of makeouts/sexy-times). Not that it's easy, but at least sometimes, it's doable. And yeah, I think one of my goals for the coming year is to not need/quit the shitty job.@mister hex: Aww thanks! Enjoy the naked ladies? ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345396#Comment_345396
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345396#Comment_345396Thu, 13 Dec 2012 14:26:01 -0600oldhat@hex & Grease, no money! What little I had was sucked away by some very expensive Belgian Trappist beer that's going away for a while! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345400#Comment_345400
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345400#Comment_345400Thu, 13 Dec 2012 16:25:44 -0600GreasemonkeyOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345426#Comment_345426
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345426#Comment_345426Fri, 14 Dec 2012 08:43:27 -0600fleckyI've been literally shaking from the past few days in rehab. Being in a small house with 15 people is really hard, never mind the fact that they/we/us/it are a bunch of addicts. It's just not...normal. Seriously, the other night I wanted to go mad with someone over something REALLY minor. I percieved their behaviour as bullying, and that's something that makes me want to lose control.

Fucking groups, controlling people, the ugly bullshit of women throwing in the racism card - when it's nothing to do with what's going on, people telling me to fuck-off when I'm trying to be decent...this shit is exhausting!

A nurse managed to get some blood out of me yesterday, so I can finally check what's going on with my hepatitis C status. I should be grateful, as he was really good...BUT FUCK!

THERE IS A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT:

I guess this what's being in treatment is all about, so I'm just going to try and keep my head down and get through this bastard weekend.

THE KICK OF BOOZE ON THE THROAT:

@Greasemonkey and oldhat: Have a drink on me - fuck knows I could hammer some of that shit RIGHT now.

@mister hex: Cheers, and take care of yourself

@trini: Thank you.

I feel like something is trying to rip my arms out of their sockets, so bye for now. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345488#Comment_345488
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345488#Comment_345488Sat, 15 Dec 2012 16:33:03 -0600Bombus Hortorus[edited for excessive rawness/disclosure -sorry!]

The Smell of Napalm in the Morning

I am drunk. I am a hermit in my own garden. As the late, great, Townes Van Zandt said, 'sorrow and solitude, these are the precious things, the only words, that are worth remembering'.

I saw my grandfather today, which was good. I aspire to his zen-like contentment with life.

The Charlie Don't Surf

@Oldhat - hang in there girl. It can be beaten. It does get better. It will become something you beat, or at least, learn to control. You have too much awesome in you for that to not be the case.

@flecky - may be hard, but enjoy Stroud - it's a beautiful place. I wish you the best of luck.

@trini - just hugs

@ all my brothers/sisters in depression - remember -- it shall pass. It really will. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345507#Comment_345507
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345507#Comment_345507Sun, 16 Dec 2012 04:50:32 -0600sneak046OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345509#Comment_345509
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345509#Comment_345509Sun, 16 Dec 2012 06:55:30 -0600LittlepurplegothTT's can be overcome, you may also simply have hit that 'fussy' point where your DP needs to park bum on sofa with baby and feed feed feed, especially if its accross the evening (cluster feeding). The two things together are enough to drive most of us round the twist, even without added things like OCD!! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345569#Comment_345569
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345569#Comment_345569Mon, 17 Dec 2012 02:20:45 -0600mister hex

... went to my cousin's ex-husband's memorial service. His FIVE children all spoke about how great a guy he was (not one word of a lie - HE WAS A GREAT GUY.), about how he loved hockey and fishing and old skoool R&B and all ... they hepled each other compose themselves during the "service", no one of them was alone in trying to articulate their profound grief in front of a crowd far, far smaller than the last rock concert I attended. It TOUCHED ME, MAN.

My dad, who's had nothing but Excellent Things to Say about this branch of our family tree fidgeted through the whole ting. Too many people he didn't know, at least half of them Polish (I KNOW, RIGHT?! THE ABSOLUTE ARROGANCE OF SOME PEOPLE WHO HAPPEN TO BE FROM AN ETHNIC GROUP THAT I FIND ALIEN!) and wanted to go home IMMEDIATELY after the service. I didn't even get to say goodbye (hell, there were so many people there, I barely got to say hello) to the family, MY FAMILY, who are going through WHAT WE JUST WENT THROUGH, DAD. What followed can be charitably described as a farce. (Example - "I am my mother's son, dad. I can make "the Silent Treatment" sound LIKE A BROADWAY SHOW." "Yes, you can," he said. "Yes. You can."

THEN we had a fight about the Catholic Church. I've been drinking HEAVILY since.

And so, on account of which, missed meeting up with T-Dot Whitechapel. (I understand they had fun and raised a glass for me.)

@ rest of you - ibid. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345585#Comment_345585
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345585#Comment_345585Mon, 17 Dec 2012 05:34:17 -0600badbearThis is pretty much an exact description of who I am these days. Add in some extreme apathy towards everything you can think of and a sprinkling of nihilism. It's been a gradual change in my habits and preferences but it's not exactly healthy any more and I don't know what to do about it. I avoid social situations of all flavours. I don't even write on here really - about 90% of what I type in this box does not get posted and this is a nice, safe, anonymous environment if ever there was one.Worse, I don't really want to do something about it, because doing something surely must include forcing myself to have more interactions with other human beings - an experience which I am finding increasingly excruciating. Even if I could afford some kind of therapy, it would mean talking to someone I don't know on a regular basis and I can't imagine why I would put myself up for that.

I can feel myself on a downward slope but I have no clue what to do about it. Maybe next year is just going to be one of those years where I become a bit of a psychopath for a few months and try to ruin everything in my life. Something is gonna snap.

The good: Pay rise last week, ten days off work over Christmas. Lovely.

The everybody:The absolute gods-honest truth is that I read all of your posts but don't feel personally qualified to address any of you directly. I hope the world/your families/your own brains treat you better soon and I wish I could do something to help. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345637#Comment_345637
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345637#Comment_345637Mon, 17 Dec 2012 17:41:56 -0600dnewlingOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345679#Comment_345679
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345679#Comment_345679Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:15:16 -0600roadscumAnd this is all i can do.

Not happy. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345713#Comment_345713
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345713#Comment_345713Wed, 19 Dec 2012 07:25:54 -0600Peter Kelly
I know how you feel about writing stuff and then not posting it. BUT, if I waited till I was qualified to comment, to comment, I wouldn't say anything. Eventually it just occured to me "how the hell do I get to know anyone if I don't post?" IF you can get past the apathy, then I encourage you to post. If ever there was a group of people who don't response negatively, it's whitechapel.

How to get past the apathy though.... I dunno. A close friend of mine starting closing himself off a few years ago, and it it got so bad he wouldn't hang out with 2 of his oldest friends because he couldn't handle the crowd. His family forced him to get checked out (There is a family history of depression he didn't know about) and he's on the mend (thank god, cause he is one of the best people I know and I like to actually spend time with him)I guess I am trying to say, don't let yourself get completely closed off. Nothing wrong with needing time to yourself, but that shouldn't be all the time.

@roadscumJesus! So sorry to hear that. This seems to be a particularly bad month in that respect.

@DnewlingHappy Holiday!

@hex, oldhat, allana, grease, whoever is in TO - anyone got time for a drink or 2 this weekend? Friday and Sunday are free for me.

And just cause the thread implies I should...The good....Met with the producer of the show I am editing in the spring. He has his shit together, has realistic views on the entire process and has been pretty honest about how much work we have and how little time. It'll be a grind, but I am looking forward to it

The bad...When I move into the new position, I'm worried about a couple of my staff. They are underused already, and I think it'll get worse when I move on. Doing what I can for them now, but I wouldn't be surprised to see morale drop in the new year (Not cause I am gone, but cause the work is shifting around a bit in a crap kinda way for them) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345722#Comment_345722
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345722#Comment_345722Wed, 19 Dec 2012 13:20:58 -0600GreasemonkeyOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345725#Comment_345725
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345725#Comment_345725Wed, 19 Dec 2012 13:52:47 -0600allanaOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345734#Comment_345734
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345734#Comment_345734Wed, 19 Dec 2012 15:46:27 -0600GreasemonkeyOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345743#Comment_345743
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345743#Comment_345743Wed, 19 Dec 2012 18:34:55 -0600mister hex(I'll make sure there's lots here but it's allus good to have MOAR.) ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345744#Comment_345744
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345744#Comment_345744Wed, 19 Dec 2012 18:50:40 -0600Peter Kelly
Been celebrating that for a couple of years now(maybe we should start a new thread...to sort out where/when/if we are drinking)

This autumn has sorely tested my limits: I've been broke enough not to be able to buy food at times, so stressed and overworked my memory's been blanking out and I've been sort of a high-functionin narcoleptic, dozing off whenever there hasn't been anything to do for a minute, and the future has looked more or less vague and uncertain, since my work ends... tomorrow, actually, and I had nothing in store incomewise for next year. And here comes the awesome part - I just got a phonecall from a certain large entertainment company in Finland known for their irate avians, the last company I had a work application in, and they offered me work. Very interesting work that looks like a perfect match for my skillset, pays nicely and is in a place where a lot of people I know work in and like it. They were even cool with my AESD dive school eating away some weeks during the year. I got the phone call on my way to the office to finish my second-to-last work day here, and the feeling of a thousand tons of insane stress, tension and uncertainty falling off my shoulders was almost physical. The light in the end of the tunnel was indeed a disco ball, not a train.

Things are going great otherwise. I've met some great new people and gotten to know old friends and acquaintances better. This includes a couple of new female friends, one of whom is great company of bio and science geekery, the other is your classic bad girl. I've had a blast chatting with them, watching movies, talking genetics and biochemistry, scream-singing Finnish music in the morning hours powered by cheap booze and pure weird, going to watch roller derby and hooting like baboons... I've had fascinating conversations with a third new pal who's been traveling all over the world with her camera, making documentaries, getting shot at, getting accidentally married and all in all having adventures which are hard to believe right up until she shows you the scars. Fascinating people, great company.

Been also asked out for a date by couple of ladies. I love women who take initiative like that, I'm not much for coy passivity. Might be that there's a geocaching or urban exploration themed date scheduled for the Christmas holidays.

EDIT: ...aaaand I got invited to a date to a high-end jazz/gospel concert for free, and a course mate in the dive school is giving me a lab scale microscope for the price of a few beers. This is not a bad day.

Nay

I'm more or less a self-contained unit and I don't really need that much social contact, I just tend to enjoy it. Although life has been active, socially too, a few times this year coming to the empty and cold as fuck apartment has gotten into me. I'm not rushing into moving in with anyone, I'm having a long hard think if I'll even want to live with someone for a long time. Nevertheless, when the week or the whole month has been a massive crapfest through and through, having the potential to come home to someone and fall asleep curled together, or have someone there when the stress makes you snap awake heart racing like hell in the morning hours, was something that would've been welcome. Looks like I'll be spending the Christmas alone at home, which sounds like a bit of a bummer, especially since it looks like I can't really afford proper foods or anything. Noodles from a cup it is, then. Well, I have Netflix, Spec Ops: The Line and Dishonored, plus my novel to finish, so I think I can keep myself entertained.

@trini, @oldhat, @JP and others - I'm trying to radiate a bit of this excess good mojo I'm experiencing now to your direction! Things can and will take a turn for the good again, sooner or later. Also the yay-sides were great to read, people have so much fun stuff going on. Like the beer book, yay to that, for example! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345853#Comment_345853
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345853#Comment_345853Sat, 22 Dec 2012 06:07:20 -0600Bombus HortorusThanks - I think things have turned the corner thank god - we got some really good support in the end from the hospital breastfeeding advisor, and it's slowly getting back to how it should be, she's putting on weight and everybody's calming down several notches. Wouldn't have happened had they done the tongue tie at birth, like they do up the road in Chichester, instead of sending us home, telling us there was a 6 week wait to have it done on the NHS and letting us pay £95 to have it done privately leading to the ensuing problems... probably going to complain to the hospital trust about that...

@roadscum - sorry- that's a really sad thing to happen and a harsh way to find out. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345907#Comment_345907
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345907#Comment_345907Sun, 23 Dec 2012 18:30:33 -0600roadscumOn Tuesday morning, returning from a night delivery run, an 18 tonne Scania, driven by a bloke i knew with the son of another bloke i knew sitting beside him, hit a bridge support on the M25. The driver, still belted into his seat, was ejected through the windscreen, the driver's mate was knocked unconscious. On regaining consciousness, the driver's mate, badly shaken and concussed, climbed down onto the roadway and found the remains of the driver beneath the cab. At this time the driver was still alive.The driver's mate is currently hospitalised with minor physical injuries and rather more severe psychological ones - it's one thing to see this kind of thing in the pages of a comic, another thing entirely to see it happen to the bloke who's sitting next to you. Kay, the driver had a wife and two kids, i didn't know him that well, just a bloke i worked with, a really nice guy, someone i'd chat to about crap routes and difficult drops while we waited to pick up our paperwork in the traffic office. He's dead. Horribly dead. Life goes on, the lorries go out, stuff gets delivered and collected, they come back in. There are awkward silences and things no one wants to talk about. There is a tin on the counter in the traffic office with a slit in the lid and 'Kay' written on a paper label stuck on the side.Even in jobs where you might expect that kind of thing, the armed forces, the police, losing a comrade is painful, but you know it comes with the job. When your job is delivering clothes to girlie dress shops it's fucking unbearable.Christmas is coming, everyone wants to have a good time, peace and joy and all that. Shit happens, we try very hard not to think about it. That is easier said than done.

Everyone: if there's something you want to do, do it, don't leave it to tomorrow, sometimes tomorrow never comes.

I am upset, i hope you can understand, but i am still breathing and that is good, that is very good indeed and i am grateful for it and the chances that offers me.

Right, i'm going to go away now and try my very hardest to have the best damn Christmas i can, something i hope the rest of you do too.

And Janos, that video; ha bloody ha. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345909#Comment_345909
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345909#Comment_345909Sun, 23 Dec 2012 19:05:58 -0600Kay OrchisonWell: My youngest made this, with only a very, very small amount of advice and some camera-holding from me. He's six. I'm totally blown away. Also, I'm still off the piss. 10 months.

Yo:

@Roadscum

So sorry to hear it mate. It's an awful thing to have happened. Throwing a sort of informal office wake - just hang around after work for snacks and raise a glass to the dead - that sort of thing can help clear the air and let people move on. I'm pretty horribly experienced with shit like that, so I can tell you it does help a bit. Nothing helps a lot though, only time. And I'm pretty astounded to even hear of another guy called Kay, there just aren't that many of us.

SOME people like me. ME! I KNOW, RIGHT?! Who in their right mind would EVER like ME? NOBODY I KNOW, but apparently, I'M WRONG. Which is a nice feeling, strangely.

Some of those fans are actually related to me. OTHERS ARE NOT and live in far-flung places. FERSLUGGINER.

FIFTY TONS OF BLACK TERROR

Fuck, I hate Christmas. I hate being myself. I HATE IT HERE. Now I have an idea how Spider Jerusalem or Desolation Jones feels. IT AIN'T "good".

I BRUNG PRESSIES!

@flecky - for you, a magic whistle. Blow it whenever ya need strength, of which you already have in spades, mate. @roadscum - um. Kind words? I'm so sorry. Me and Death got to know each other this year. Your situation is perhaps worse. Hug your kids or somebody. @EVERYONE - I know it may be a bit de trops to wish you all a Happy Jesus Day but what the fuck. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345918#Comment_345918
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345918#Comment_345918Mon, 24 Dec 2012 05:06:04 -0600VornaskottiOPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345964#Comment_345964
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345964#Comment_345964Wed, 26 Dec 2012 12:34:26 -0600glukkake
Bought a fancy dress for way too much money and am living in shame/regret over it. Lots of loathing that that money could have gone to a number of better people/projects/things. Am trying to figure out a way to sell it for at least some money back to make amends. I have a shopping problem, I think.To continue on the death vector, I spent earlier this month at a funeral for my aunt. It was weird, because she was the closest (location) relative but we hadn't spent any time over the past few years. Me just being selfish with time/space. Seeing my distance with her family during the funeral compacted with my trip to the rest of the family in Peru last month and now just has me reconsidering my self-imposed isolation and inability to relate to humans in general. Selfish girl that I am, still can't figure out a way to get back in with the family.

Also I am fucking sick again.

The Yays:Xmas with my immediate family was good, if unfortunately brief thanks to sickness coma. My favourite gift was a gift to myself, where I had magnets installed into my finger tips. One big one on my left ring finger for cool party tricks, one smaller one in my right finger for sensitivity and to not get in the way of using my hand. Right now they're both bandaged up and I'm typing with only one or two fingers at a time and picking things up with three fingers like a t-rex.

Also, my very good friend is taking me to Reyjkavic in late Jan/early Feb. I'm trying now to convince everyone else to hop a flight (apparently tickets were relatively cheap).

@roadscum - I'm so, so sorry about your loss. That's horrible. I hope your holiday was spent with lots of people loving each other.

@mister hex - and you as well. Been following your month and it's heart breaking. Hoping things start getting on the up for you! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345980#Comment_345980
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345980#Comment_345980Wed, 26 Dec 2012 19:58:40 -0600razrangel
Christmas day was so pleasant at the house with the family it was almost confusing. By the end of the very sweet day I was almost restless because there was nothing to fight against. Parents got along, sis and BiL stowed their sniping, niece was overjoyed with her presents, food was tasty, sugar was flowing...well hell it was almost exactly what the movies said we should get, including the phone call from OB on a horrid line from jail. I feel like I spent too much cash, but that's par for the course for the season, right? It went into giving stuff and not sitting back like a bum and just receiving, and also bringing in good food and wine to share. It isn't where I want to be, but somehow it works.

dame:But it isn't where I want to be. And I can fool the outsides and make the show look like it was intended that way. But I know the show that is in my head and my life doesn't look anything like it. And that discrepancy sends me to bed for wayyy longer than necessary. Have I ever ranted here about how much I hate sleep? I really hate sleep. I'll skip the rant, but just remind that sleep gets in my way, demands way too much of my life and has this whole obnoxious system for tricking me into seeking even more. Fuck sleep. I need to work. But I never get to it. Instead, today for example, I just keep sleeping. I wake up and realize there is work to be done but some how laying back down and snoozing for a few more hours is what I end up doing. Ugh.

Like making a show of ordering salad when out with people, but sneaking cheeseburgers in private, the body won't be fooled. I can get along on the face of things, but in private everything is a mess and getting messier. And getting up and doing something about is proving more difficult every day.

ganbate:@roadscum - I'm sorry you have to go through this, and sorry as well for the man's family. *hug* I have been trying to keep in mind the "don't wait until tomorrow." It's really important, isn't it? What else is there, though? Living your life and being a boon to others, that's really it.@glukkake - You sure the dress won't have other uses? There is some kind of worth in having a frock that you know _works_ even though I have friends who feel that dressing up is just for getting men to look at you, I don't buy it. But...well if you don't want it in your closet then I hope you get a good price for it. Travel safe to Iceland and say hi to Bob for all of us! ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345991#Comment_345991
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=345991#Comment_345991Thu, 27 Dec 2012 14:10:38 -0600DarkestDown:

Not much bad to report right now, for once.

UP:

Niche Comics is a year old, have been doing very well selling things on Amazon, head is in a good place, social stuff is happening, bands I want to see are playing locally.

Side to side:

Still catching up with goings on around here so just a generic "Stay strong" for now. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346059#Comment_346059
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346059#Comment_346059Sun, 30 Dec 2012 17:24:39 -0600Rachæl TyrellVornaskotti - I had a similar Christmas Day. I was supposed to trek into NJ and have dinner with a friend, but I have had the terrible sickness that's infecting everyone these days, and I couldn't risk infecting my friend's sickly mum. However, being that my Christmases are generally terrible, it was quite nice to just quietly hang out at home, even if I didn't really have any food (aside from the leftovers I'd splurged the last of my money on for my birthday the night before).

Glukkake: I've been wondering similar things with my family, though given the conservative politics of most of them, I'm not sure how much I really care.

OdaElisabeth - I got yer caaaaard!

HOORAY!

I patched things up with my fellow, making him understand how easily smothered and scared off I am. Immediately, with that small shift (and probably giving me a chance to miss him), upon rekindling things, everything has been insanely awesome and extra sexy, and I immediately began to feel that emotional tug I felt was missing before. Scary, to say the least, but unable to pull away. Also, the best and coolest birthday present I ever got. swoooooon!

GODDAMMIT, I'm CURSED:

TMI: Well, during a recent checkup, there's been a questionable test result. Now we both have to go and get extra special stuff done, and NOOOO sex til we figure it all out. It's like fucking torture. Literally.

For years of testing I've been all happy about testing clear and free. The thing is....

Even if you have a standard screening for sexually transmitted diseases, it may not include HSV unless you specifically ask.

Remember, however, that HSV-1 is a very common virus and there is an 80 percent probability that you will test positive for it. If you are a sexually active adult who has had multiple partners, there is a 20 percent probability that you will test positive for HSV-2.

At least we are both being supportive of one another through all this, and being a team in getting to the bottom of it, angry at the way the medical community handles this crap. Not really the way I wanted to bring in the new year. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346122#Comment_346122
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346122#Comment_346122Tue, 01 Jan 2013 11:38:33 -0600mister hexFirst? Happy New Year to all concerned.

@flecky - our Sacred Friend. Bless you in all you do. You're a good'un. @rachael - noice on the sexy bits. Too bad about the sexy bits. Don't worry, sexy bits have a way of working things out. @everyone else - yes, well. Do I really have to say it? MUCH LOVE AND ALL PEACE to each of you. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346130#Comment_346130
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346130#Comment_346130Tue, 01 Jan 2013 15:57:09 -0600roadscumBad:

Well i've told you the worst bit, doesn't really get much nastier than that, all other grumbles of mine pale into insignificance before that one. Sort of puts things into perspective. Like a steel toe cap to the head. I was a little shocked at how hard it hit me, i suspect it provided a conduit for the myriad other more minor but irritating niggles to flood out and wash me away.

Good:

They didn't. I'm still here, breathing, and annoying taxi drivers and traffic wardens. No bin is safe! Christmas went better than i could have imagined, as did KK's brother in law's birthday do afterwards (they usually get on so well that survival is i possible in the deepest of blast proof bunkers). New year was quiet but good in a 'getting a bit old for all this, pass the Glenmorangie' sort of way, and today was spent hunting old Tudor gatehouses out in the wilds of the Essex marshes with KK and my new camera which i am liking a lot. Finished the day with a fine meal in a fine country pub, dropped KK off back at hers and spent the evening drinking and chewing the fat with my mate El Tone via the modern marvel of skype, using two empty cocoa tins and a bit of string for a broadband connection. Oh and i told work to go away and play with the beasts of the field when they phoned with a job yesterday. Had the contract company on the phone before i'd even finished and they begged, they actually begged. Told 'em to go away too. Bloody hell! I have learned to say NO. Petty i know, but treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. It's nice to be popular. And have a week or two's money in the bank. Smug fat bastard? Yeah. But it's good to enjoy the small pleasures when they land in your lap.

Ladders and life-rafts:

Janos; thanks. I was rather upset and perhaps a bit less rational than usual, thanks for bearing with me, it helped, it really did.

Badbear; Hang on in there kiddo! I know NOTHING, but i strongly suspect that the more seriously one takes a disorder, the more serious it becomes. I'd love to be clever enough to offer worthwhile advice. I'm not, the best i can say is just keep going, all things pass eventually. Be strong!

Roo; I do so wish i had the chance to sit down and explain a few well established medical facts to your parents. I hope they manage to learn how to understand what you're going through, i hope you manage to endure it and come through in one piece and stronger than you were before.

Rachael; Hurrah on your getting back with your gentleman friend, all sounds very good to me. I'm hoping that the test thing turns out to be a false alarm, but even if it isn't, HSV need not be a serious thing. It's about time you had some serious good stuff in your life, i'm hoping this fellow of yours is it, i really am.

Hex; you have fans? Of course you have fans! You are one singular gentleman. And you can cook, which is good. I am hoping the excitement of possibilities turns into the satisfaction of achievement - go for it sunshine!

Flecky; hang on in there sunshine! Beat boredom with books! Libraries are your friend! You don't need to be taught to learn! Whatever else happens, keep on going!

Everyone else; you are strange, you are wonderful, you are whatever you are, i'm glad you're here and i wish you well, all of you.

Right, i'm drunk, i wasn't when i started but i am now. I really must learn to type faster.

Goodnight. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346323#Comment_346323
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346323#Comment_346323Fri, 04 Jan 2013 16:30:13 -0600oldhat- Had a photo gig that went well (in which I got paid and the client picked photos that he liked) but felt...off. This was a shoot where there was no pre-meeting (something I insist on having) to get to know what a client is after and the whole time throughout the shoot he gave a very disappointed feel to it. In the end I presented him with over 20 pictures, one of them being one of the best portraits I think I've taken, but he picked my three least favourite to use for his current thing going on and made a point of saying he doesn't want to keep the remaining photos on file. It's a mix of "was I just not good?" and "the customer is always right". I feel like I went wrong somewhere, but the client is remaining shtum and I'm done my business. Ah well.

- Realized that I either have to go to bed dead exhausted for the next little while otherwise my idle thoughts lead to depressing things and leave me staying up until 4am crying or some other horrible thing. Miss POS. Bah.

- Weight. Hahahaha. Yeah.

OH HEY, A NICE CUPPA:

- Despite the thing with the photo job I DID get paid and am saving most of the money...though I did by a few things. Namely a personal item that I've had my eye on for over a month and a beer kit of the White House Honey Porter.

- On the course of losing the weight. Just walked 15km (about 10 miles) as a matter of fact...

- Feeling good about this year.

BARTENDER, ONE FOR MY FRIEND HERE:

Roadscum, Keep that chin up, man.

Rachael, Glad you two sorted things out, though not so glad about the std stuff. Hope things turn out for the better. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346349#Comment_346349
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346349#Comment_346349Sat, 05 Jan 2013 08:51:26 -0600mister hexHave had NO TIME to see my friends. None. Zero. Nada, not a sausage. Bugger all. I'm stuck in a frozen suburb that only rarely receives transit service and I drink FAAARR TOO MUCH to bother with driving a car.

Oh, yeah. DRINKING. I have been drinking WAY TOO MUCH, even for me. Currently, there are seven full cases of empties to be returned and they're piling up like corpes on the Choisin river. 2013 really shouldn't be another year-long bender. The way every year since 2001's been. (After 9/11, I started drinking like a godd-damn pro and have seen no credible reason to stop.) I gotta knock the Bukowski shit on the head.

Work is shitty, shittier all the time. I got a five cent raise. Five cents. Yeah.

Had a number of stupid rows with my dad. About Native Policy. About my drinking. About other things, stupid things. And yet, dinner better be on the table! This alternates between him telling me how he never woulda made it without me, how great I am, how lonely he is, how the doctors Won't Help Him, (yeah, his health's iffy. Just what I need.). I'm yoked to a stove in a shitty suburb, drinking my life away.

HEY, MAN. BE COOL.

Am closer now than I have been recently to enjoying the company of a naked woman. I've only seen her clothed thus far but from what I can tell, she looks pretty good clothed. And she seems quite amenable to the whole unclothed thing. We'll see, watch this space etc. But she's really cool and smart and I kinda think she's got money. And she's my age and a widow. Who knows, ladies, I may soon be off the market.

Writing proceeds. I SET UP MY OFFICE. Gonna see some SERIOUS SORCERY NOW, sunshine. Even the cat likes it.

My aforementioned dad ain't all bad. And he's practically fallen in love with my buddy who comes over to drink. (My buddy's a more "reg'lar guy" than me and can engage the Old Man in ways I can't or won't. So the Hockey Lockout or business or stuff I laugh at, they discuss. And it's helping my dad.

Also, yesterday, THIS HAPPENED - Fish on Friday (My dad's catholic, I figure "what the hell, it's simple".). So I do my pre-heat, get everything ready, place the fillets - five of them, important - on the baking tray and pop in oven. (Sweet potato fries, too.) Set my timer. 12 min a side. Timer works and goes off - I turn the fish - onetwothreefourfive - back in oven. (Give the fries a shake, reset timer, good to go.) I go back to flirt on the computer for five minutes, have a smoke, should be done, I attend. I was right, timer goes off, get the veg ready, the Sweet Potato fries, get the fish - there are only four of them. But there were five? I was sure, certain, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE there were five. Where'd the other one go? I didn't drop it; I can count to FIVE and have done since I were a wee lad; there's only four. Dad didn't eat it, he's dozing on the couch. There's no one else in the house, the doors are all locked. The cat, for all his prowess, hardly reached into a 450 degree oven for a snack. So where'd it go? Not in the oven. Not on the floor. Where'd it go? (I guarantee every word of this is accurrate and true.I have no reason to lie.) You tell me, man.

SOLID - Oldhat, I miss ya so. I'd hug ya but you'd punch me. ROAD - take care of yourself. Jon Carpenter - Good lad, good dad. ]]>
OPEN MIC -- the Three Act Speakeasy Thread (Closes Nov 18th)http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346380#Comment_346380
http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=10874&Focus=346380#Comment_346380Sat, 05 Jan 2013 23:45:35 -0600FishelleAlso, I sort of had a bit of a breakdown about feeling obligated to love other people more than they loved me because I had to go to a birthday thing for my niece the last weekend of my break that was mostly spent at my parents house, after only the one sibling that I live with made any sort of effort to attend my big art show. It's really sort of dumb, and I expected it. But man. Would've been nice if my family cared at all about the things that are really big and important in my life. Even if it does mean walking through a gallery with a bunch of paintings of naked men and LGTB art. And it's not like going to a birthday party for my niece was bad. I just feel like I don't get a choice in little things like that, and I don't have it in me to not give others a choice when it comes to anything in my life, no matter how important.

And fucking school starts up again on monday. I'm not ready for that. At least I don't have to worry about keeping a scholarship this time. I could get C's and still graduate. I probably won't, though. I'll bust my ass and exhaust myself like I always do.

Looking on the bright side of life, I got homemade ice cream today.Also, my other niece who's birthday is at a different time this month, came (along with her family, of course) to visit for the holidays. She insisted on sharing a room with me, and wriggling into my bed to wake me every morning, even though it's been almost half her life (2 years) since I saw her last. She said she loved me more than her stuffed horse, and that I was her favorite. I don't think I could adore anyone more than that kid. I'm so glad I got to spend that time with my sister's family. It's nice to be able to love someone and have them love me back, especially so innocently and wholeheartedly. For all the frustrations I have about my family, they really do help an awful lot.

Back when Warren did this on Saturday nights, he encouraged us to put a face with the name. So I'm going to do that tonight. Here's me, eating a cupcake that was much too sweet, and utterly too cute to eat without a photograph of it first.

roadscum, I'm glad to hear you're handling things okay. No shame in coming back to vent on an off day of course, but I hope they are few and far between.Hex, hang in there, man. And congrats on the possible ladyfriend.Oldhat, can I just say how utterly devoid of taste that guy must've been? That portrait is phenomenal. Also, you are beautiful and talented and even though I hate that you've been depressed I cannot begin to express my gratitude for crying with me these last few months. I really really hope that your life gets to be the very best at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later.Everyone else: You have my love. I would really like to go through and talk to you all individually, but my laptop has a habit of overheating and shutting down, so I'd better call this done for now. ]]>