Keep looking at the bright side, but that just hurts my eyes

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Relapse

Relapse. It’s not a word that I like to use. It’s something that I can never say that I’m doing at the time, but something that I can reflect on having done as a chronic fatigue sufferer multiple times, to differing severities.

I’ve reflected upon the last week, I only left my house once. Excluding the garden where i’d only sit for a coffee or talk on the phone for privacy. Like, wow. I didn’t realise until just now, that’s awful and makes me realise how little I do anything at home. Especially so when I feel awful.

Exhaustion for me leads to being in bed until the late afternoon (It’s linked to lack of motivation and struggling with a lot of things, but everything is impacted), this leads to me never sleeping at regular hours, if at all through the night. In a way it’s a good job I’m not working right now, because I wouldn’t cope at all.

Muscle pain is just constant, ibuprofen is like daily meds for me right now. The odd trip to a shop or taking the dog for a walk just murders me for a few days and I feel awful. I think I’m so distracted with what’s going on in my head that physically I don’t even think about things.

I wouldn’t say that I’ve relapsed, but I know my body well enough to see that I’m struggling right now and I’ve taken a few backwards steps.