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Sunday, August 7, 2016

A Sudden End

This is certainly not the post I thought I would start writing just a few days after returning to the boat.

Our brand new Smartplug chordset

We were returning to check on the work that was done in the boatyard and determine our next steps. I thought I would be writing about our brand new custom poly fuel tank that should last significantly longer than the old one. And the new coat of anti-fouling paint and how it should adhere far better now that all the old layers are gone. And the new SmartPlug shore power connector and cord set that make shore power a little safer. I hoped I would not be writing about boatyard screw-ups like those I've experienced in the past. I certainly never expected to be writing this.

Our brand new fuel tank, full and ready to go.

Unfortunately, I'm writing to let you know that our adventure appears to be ending before it even really began. Four days after returning to the boat, my wife tells me she just can't continue living on the boat.

While I don't recall if I have written about this, it is not a completely new subject around here. Back when we were finishing up the hardtop, my wife first mentioned that she wasn't happy with how our new life was unfolding. Since arriving on the boat, her experience consisted of a few long passages racing our insurance hurricane season requirement up the coast and a lot of time working on the boat. Having lived most of it in a boatyard at that time, I couldn't blame her and can't say I was feeling all that great about those months. Cruisers often speak of this life filled with high highs and low lows and we seemed to be at a low. I, however, had the advantage of good memories of the previous year on the boat to help keep me going. We talked about the issues and decided to press on to the Bahamas next season and then reevaluate after that. I figured once some of the highs could be realized, it would help balance things out. You know, that whole fun to suck ratio thing.

In fact, one of the reasons I decided to risk trusting a boatyard again (despite my previous experiences) was so that she could take a break from the boat and go see family. The boat still needed the work but we didn't have to be the ones to do it and I figured the break would do us both some good. Up until we arrived back in Baltimore I thought it had helped. During the trip we told stories about life on the boat to friends and she seemed more upbeat in general. Dolphins playing at the bow of the boat, anchored in the Keys, and the mass of lights of cruise ships passing in the night were some of the often repeated stories.

I was more than a bit stunned when, during a discussion of our next steps while sitting on the boat, she exclaimed that she just cant do this anymore. Honestly, it left me reeling. For a long time we have invested a lot of effort learning to sail, chartering boats, searching for a boat, buying it, fixing it up and transitioning to full-time live-aboard cruisers. We've endured time apart, too much time in a boatyard, unexpected repairs, and other roadblocks. To me it feels we are so very close to cresting the maintenance hill left by the prior owner. It is absolutely heartbreaking to give up now. With the Olympic coverage playing in the background as I write this, the analogy of an athlete training for the Olympics only to suffer a career ending injury just before getting on the plane to Rio seems a good analogy.

Three ducklings adrift on a piece of wood in the marina.
I wonder if they feel like I do right now?

My wife said she felt a wave of anxiety and dread wash over her when we got back to the boat. Even if we were to try and push on to the Bahamas, I see now that it will likely not be a fun experience for either of us. Ever since the discussion at the boatyard in Virginia she did a good job of hiding how bad she was feeling from me, but these feelings seem to have been building ever since that time and have finally boiled over. I wish I had understood how bad she was feeling much earlier, but now I think the damage is well beyond repair if it ever could have been repaired. The only solution seems to be to get rid of the thing causing these feelings. So, it looks like sometime in the near future, Rover will be up for sale.

Another soul adrift in the marina, just hanging on this morning.

We are still trying to figure things out, but I guess we will soon start moving off of Rover and then prepare her for sale. What is next for us, I simply do not know. Right now we are just working on picking up the pieces. My hope is that we can still find an escape from the rat race, but...I guess...it will not be on Rover.

32 comments:

I've read your blog from the beginning. It sounds like you both tried really hard to make it work, but at the end of the day it has to be fun and it sounds like it wasn't fun anymore. I hope you find something else that's more fun and less work. Good luck with the transition and thanks for sharing your story. -Lucy

While I'm personally sad that we won't have a chance to meet up out there on the water, I completely understand what a hard decision the two of you have had to make. I'm sure the two of you will find the right lifestyle that works for both of you. I know it must be a hard time right now, but you both will get through it together and be stronger for it. Take care - Ellen

Damn, sorry it ended so abruptly for you and your wife. I have, and continue to learn, just how much work boats required. It is daunting. I hope you two find a new adventure and lots of fun right away.

Boats are a lot of work. Keeping up on maintenance (or making sure a prior owner did) is key to not chasing years of maintenance, I think. And, if you think you (and your partner, if any) are up for it, I think it can be very rewarding. In the end, it is still better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all.

Mike I have also followed your blog from the early days. I would like to say I have really appreciated your technical insight. Have you ever considered using Rover as a business venture? I imagin there are a number of people out here that would pay to crew on a yacht like Rover especially during those cold winter months up north. Once again thank you for sharing your adventure.

Thanks Jim. Glad you have found the blog useful. I've toyed with the business idea, but I need more hours and experience to get a captains license to do something like that. Some sort of learning or crewed charter situation I think would need two of us as well.

Wow....sorry to hear such terrible news - I know how much you wanted to live the adventure. You can always buy a tag-axle diesel pusher motorhome (like we are planning) and travel all over North America. Whatever you decide, good luck with your future plans.

Hey Kevin. Glad you were able to find a new direction. Wife and I have don some camping so a motorhome wouldn't be as far of a stretch. Who knows what the future holds for us at this point. Thanks for the well wishes and good luck with your new adventure!

So sorry to hear this but it definitely sounds like the right decision. You can always find other adventures but nothing can replace that special person in your life. Good for you for showing such love and care for your wife.

I want to say I have enjoyed your blog, and followed along with all the fun, and the not so fun times. We have had our share of both as well, and you are right, if it's not fun anymore- it's time to move on to something else. Who knows what that will be, there are so many things to choose from. Decide together, and move on. It's the together thing that is the important part anyhow! Besides, you can still grab a charter in the BVI's and go sailing here and there! We wish you the best, and thanks for sharing your blog with us.Chris and JoyceSV Saltrun

Mike I am truly sorry to see your folks are moving on from living aboard. I know the trials and tribulations involved as I have been doing the same for the last two years. Hopefully this winter will find us in the Bahamas for the winter and if you need a couple of weeks on our L38 you would be most welcome. I too may have changes as I have just been diagnosed with discoid lupus and sun exposure in bad for that condition so we will have to see what happens this winter. My very best wishes for both of you and I know you will find that advocation that works for both of you. All the best Tom Conover 99' L38 Double Life.

Hi Tom. I might just take you up on that. Sorry to hear about the diagnosis, I hope it doesn't end up impacting your plans any. I'm sure we will find another adventure eventually, it may just take a little time. Meanwhile, if you find yourself hiking through Colorado, do look us up.

We made the decision 2 years ago to sell everything, buy a boat and start out anew. We started with less than zero experience and knowledge. Fortunately I've learned a lot from blogs like yours and tapping into the knowledge of people I trust that have "been there, done that".

When we started looking for a catamaran, we went to the major boat shows and quickly got sucked into the dream of a large, new cat.

It took awhile for us to admit that we couldn't afford that. Our goal was to get away from keeping up with the Jone's. We don't need all the material "stuff" we had acquired over 36 years of marriage. We started out in a older, smaller home and lived quite well. Once we got realistic, we looked for a boat we could pay cash for, was smaller, and one that needed little maintenance.

It took awhile, but we found that little cat. My wife would quickly be turned off if we were out of service for multiple repairs, I probably would be as well. She understands repairs are normal and we will have some to contend with. We are currently living in a hotel room until we leave the states. Just being cooped up in this little room for the past month has sucked. We want to sail, not set here and wait.

It's a shame you both did not have an opportunity to sail more, work less and go further south. She may just of needed to get away from the same ol same ol of the states.

Their is truth in the old saying, if Momma ain't happy, no ones happy"

Thanks Steve. Yes, it is a bit of a shame, but maintaining a boat is a full-time job for sure. Even brand-new boats seem to have a lot of issues and require significant work once launched.

One of the hardest things we had to deal with was the poor state of the marine service industry. Having to learn how to fix something and then go do it took a lot of time. Paying good money for shoddy work and then having to go back and fix that work certainly ate up a lot of time and funds. Unless you are far luckier than I or pretty much anyone else out cruising, you will likely run into times you will be out of service due to multiple repairs. So be prepared.

I'm at a loss for words Mike..I truly wish you both the best in your future adventures. I've been following your blog since the beginning and I will miss your candid assessments of all things nautical. I've learned a lot through your blog. Whoever buys your boat will be lucky to have had someone work out the kinks!

As a software engineer from Denver, CO who wants to someday live aboard, it's probably obvious how I stumbled on your blog. My wife and I just completed our 101-103 at Victoria Sailing School in May 2016 (about the time I found your blog). We sold the house in June, bought one on the Oregon coast (in Beverly Beach, near NewPort), our main goal to be closer to the ocean so we can sail. We’re looking for a medium sized boat right now. The cruising life has been on our minds since we moved to Denver 9 years ago. I’m growing more tired every day of the rat race. I started reading your blog back in May and spent some time every week catching up from the first post. At the current post… Bummer man! I’m sad to see this!

We are considering our own hearts/minds a lot when thinking about the possibility of full time cruising, but we know in our hearts we still love the rat race a little. I work for a large tech company everyone has heard of. I probably have one of the most coveted tech jobs in the country and I love to hate it. We’re burnt out allot and dream of the life of cruising, but we also know that we’d miss some things. We’re business adrenaline junkies. It’s a blessing and a curse, but seems to be more curse-like every year we are at it. We’re just tired I think. Our move to Oregon for us is more of a balanced approach. I’ll be commuting to corporate (silicon valley) once a month. I will have my pilot’s license soon to make all that easier. We’d like to start with some easy 1 – 2 week trips up and down the west coast and maybe bum around Puget sound & the san Juan Islands where I spent time as a kid. Though, I know this area of the country is harder for cruising than South Florida for instance. Hopefully that doesn’t give us a bad perspective. We just aren’t sure if we’re 100% committed to living aboard yet. We’re still hungry for success. We own a small business on the side, and have spent the last 8 years acquiring rentals in Denver and other places – though that goal has been partially to support a sailing lifestyle or just have freedom someday.

Something I’m constantly surprised by while reading your posts is the amount of effort spent on repairs/maint. Or, maybe it’s just that other blogs don’t talk about this as much. I appreciate all the details you give. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from your posts. Though, it’s a little discouraging knowing that boat maint. seems a lot like / worse than work on my rentals where contractors are hard to find, don’t show up, constantly screwing you over in various ways and the best option seems – do it yourself if you want it done right. I see similarities as well between boat brokers and realtors/mortgage brokers. Maybe it’s just another kind of rat race… maybe it’s perspective. I guess my only advice (for what it’s worth if anything), is maybe think about a more balanced approach for a few years? Find a job near the coast? Do some more weekend sailing and short trips for vacation? Learn what you need to know casually. Hate to see this blog end. I’ve always envied the people who drop everything and live aboard on a whim. It was really cool finding someone else from a similar walk of life who had recently done this. I hope you don’t give up sailing entirely. Maybe you can keep Rover, go back to work full time and spend weekends / holidays and vacations on her? There is a huge tech market in Charleston SC. Could always move to a place like that, even buy a smaller boat and still sail on occasion till you’re all ready to do more. Wish you luck/wisdom in your decisions!

I can tell you for sure that I was burned out of the software industry. Even a couple years removed from it now I know I don't want to return. Focus on putting out a quality product seems long gone from the industry as a whole and I absolutely hate putting out inferior products.

Hope you have your IFR ticket for that commute, far more cloudy days there than in Colorado. ;-)

I'm not sure what to say about the whole maintenance thing. There are people who seem to think I've had worse luck than the average on the frequency of needing repairs. I do know a lot that are less than impressed with the marine service industry. I'm fairly picky and like things to be done right and that seems to often conflict with what "professionals" want to provide. This last yard has been better, but still not a place you can just expect them to do the work you ask without supervision.

I'm sure we will find something that works for us. I don't think I'll be giving up on the blog or the idea of escaping the rat race.

As another Software Engineer living and working in the Boulder/Longmont area, I have been a regular, long-time reader of your blog with the expectation that we will be following in your wake at some point in the not too distant future.

I am sure that many (like me) thank you for the work that you have put into this blog. As was mentioned above, it is good to learn from someone who has gone before.

One often hears sentiment that "we regret more the things that we didn't do than the things that we did". Well, this is a thing that you did, so there is no need to look back on the last few years with any regret.

In any event, should you find yourself back here in Colorado know that there is a tasty local brew with your name on it.

Thanks Andy! I don't regret having tried. Not sure yet what the future holds, but I'm sure we will be OK. We will likely be back in Colorado in the next few months, so if you would like to get together drop me a line via email (if you don't have the address, the blog widget on the right will send us email).

I've read from the beginning. Your blog was one of the first "get out of the rat race and go sailing" blogs I found (now have 40+ in feedly). I was cringing last year following the hardtop build and how oh so long and big that effort was. Devastated when I saw this post.

I'm sorry it's not working out right now but maybe sailing could come back if just part time. Our youngest just moved into college. Our oldest is also in college. In 4-6 years we should have all that paid off. I'm telling my wife we need a tiny house, a big boat, and an RV. I think you could do all three for about about the cost of an average house. Then you could switch between the three during the seasons and live in the same sort of style in all three.

Mike,I'm catching up on your blog and fascinated by this entry. I've been divorced for about 14 years now, and am single (not even dating) for the last year while trying to figure out where I'll land.

I have this theory that one of the reasons I'm not interested in dating anyone right now is that my subconscious is fearful that if she's not 'all in' on living on a catamaran then there goes that dream!

So - my current plan is to buy a catamaran (looking at 40' range cats to be financed in the 100-175K range (sound familiar?)). I'm going to sublease my lake-front house in Texas, and move onto the boat somewhere in the caribbean.

I've learned a lot from your blog so far, by the way, and am curious about this insurance requirement to head up north during hurricane season. That sounds HORRIBLE! Ugh...

What insurance do you carry? I hope they all aren't like this, if so, I'll switch to looking for a boat that I can pay cash on (which wouldn't be so bad except my dog is old and can't climb around on a monohull).

Anyway - just thought I'd post and say thank you for your writings. If you decide to sell rover and I can solve the insurance thing I'd be interested.

Just so you know, the insurance thing was partially our own doing. The plan was to cruise up and down the coast the first couple years, following moderate temperatures up the coast during the summer, so having a restriction like that made sense on paper and certainly cut down on the insurance cost (savings of over $1500/year if I remember correctly). It only made sense based on our intention to travel that far north anyway. Didn't realize how quickly it got cold around November, so the trip south was a bit later than I wanted. This is why I wanted to change it.

But you can find insurance that will allow you to go wherever you want. The catch is the broader the coverage, the broader the cost. Our original coverage with the restriction was through Seaworthy (now part of Geico I think).

We have changed our coverage so we no longer have a restriction along the U.S. coast. And, in fact, our premium went down a bit ($400~ish)...but the new catch is we are no longer covered for the Bahamas or Turks and Caicos. If we decided we wanted to go there, we would have to purchase a rider for the trip in order to have coverage. The new policy is through Progressive.

In general, you should be able to find the coverage you want. The premium will be based on how big of a risk the insurance company thinks it has. Sailing in Florida or the Bahamas in July and August, you premium will be higher than if you agree to be in less hurricane prone areas during hurricane season. But it is a choice.

...That's the plan anyway

With no sailing experience and coming from a land-locked state, we intend to give up successful careers and embark on a more minimalistic and lower impact lifestyle living on a sailboat. Come along as we attempt to sail away from the rat race.

About Me

I'm an ex-software engineer living with my wife and two spoiled dogs. I hold a private pilots license and in the past owned a small, single engine aircraft. My wife and I are both PADI certified open water scuba divers.
When we started this sailing adventure, other than being passengers, we had no experience on a sailboat. We've taken sailing lessons through the ASA programs in both Colorado and Florida. In December 2013 we purchased our floating home, a 1999 Leopard 38, and in April of 2015 we sold our house and moved aboard.