advanced reading copy of ADOPTING GRACE
69 of 186

When life experiences beg me to “look in the mirror,” I often balk. It was much more comfortable back in the day when I could look at my child and his behavior as completely his responsibility. I find it challenging to look at my own baggage, issues, and what I bring to the table as a parent. Religious dogmatism trained me to place high value on being right. By default, anyone with a different opinion, perspective, or belief was wrong. Our way is best, and we have it all worked out and justified. It is so much easier to look at all of life from my own perspective. Self-questioning and reflection are tough. Sure, I will make the occasional apology to my child when my behavior crosses into hurtful and out of line territory. But to truly examine myself, as well as seek out the particular role I play in any difficult interactions with those I live with, takes guts. It is a painfully slow process. In fact, once I chose to venture down this path, it became a lifelong journey. When one of our children displays extreme behaviors or a challenging temperament, I’ve been tempted to make that child a scapegoat. The origin of the word scapegoat comes from the Hebrew word azazel. Around the Jewish Day of Atonement, this goat was sent out into the wilderness bearing the sins of God’s people. A dictionary definition for scapegoat is “a person [or goat] made to bear the blame for others.”11 My mind wanders back to the time period when our then third grade son experienced anxiety that interfered with his and our family’s everyday life. I rejected the gentle prodding ADOPTING GRACE ADVANCED READING COPY 69