McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON

You Are Now Browsing In Incognito Mode

You have left standard web surfing and have activated Google Chrome’s incognito mode. Now you can browse privately, and other people who use this device won’t see your activity. However, your browsing data might still be visible to:

Your Employer

Depending on your company’s privacy policies, your employer may still be able to view some or all of your activity when browsing on the office’s WiFi network.

Your School

If you are a student, note that your university’s IT administrator could potentially view your browsing history. If you are not a student, and haven’t been one in many years, a nosy university IT administrator will be assigned to you.

Laramie, Wyoming

A small percentage of Chrome users may be affected by a minor bug that causes some web cache and usage data to be sent to the entire population of Laramie, Wyoming. We assure you this glitch is temporary, and that the idyllic Western town only has a population of about 30,000 or so.

John Turturro

The Chrome team is going to level with you here: we have no idea how he knows this. John Turturro’s exhaustive knowledge of every last Chrome user’s browsing data has flummoxed even our highest-ranking web developers. If you fear his judgment of your lewd or even pornographic web searches, we assure you he is very sex-positive and is in fact perhaps too much so.

Everyone At Jessie Lawton’s Slumber Party

Even though you thought Jessie was your number one bestie, a confidant you could entrust your innermost curiosities with, last Friday she dished out your browsing habits and cookie settings to all of the popular girls, who burst into fits of squeals and giggles when they learned about your autofill form data.

Santa

The Detroit Red Wings Players Association is happy to announce that the winners of tonight’s Little Caesar’s Internet Data Raffle are the ticket holders sitting in Section 208, Row 16. These lucky fans have scored themselves total and unfettered access to the entirety of your internet history. Congrats again and go Red Wings.