Kate Middleton and Prince William Order Matching Meals on Low-Key Date Night

Kate Middleton and her husband, Prince of Button-Down Shirts and Recreational Sport, otherwise known as William, have maintained a very low profile these past few weeks. Aside from one visit to an outlet mall—which has now been turned into a national landmark site, set to re-open as a museum next year (“This is where Kate brushed through a few different cardigan options, looking for her size”), Kate has been very quiet, and we have been going somewhat mad in withdrawal. Yesterday we came close to placing a ton of strawberries all around our apartment and then draping ourselves on top of them in an all-blue outfit in order to re-create Kate’s most recent photo op.

So it is a relief that Kate has emerged—for a casual, low-key date night with her husband at a pub near their country house, Anmer Hall, which they are currently in the process of renovating. We have an almost bizarre amount of details about this date, thanks to an Express report (via People), which indicates the pair were seemingly cos-playing as regular humans for this evening. They were both in jeans—he in “faded”; her in “skinny”—and Kate’s hair was “wet.” They spent two hours at the pub—called Kings Head Hotel—and were accompanied by four bodyguards, who sat at a separate table. They were said to have ordered the same meal—grilled fillet of black bream—which means they are not one of those couples who always makes a show of ordering two different meals at restaurants because they “just love to share.” They both were jonesin’ for the black bream, dammit. William also reportedly asked for two scoops of vanilla ice cream, with two spoons, which means they are also not one of those couples where one of them feeds the other bites of ice cream with his spoon instead of both digging in separately. So many positive findings out of this report!

We also have some eye-witness commentary from the dinner. “William was extremely affectionate and considerate to Kate throughout,” one diner reported. “She kept playing with [her hair], twisting it around her fingers while talking to him. They were quite flirtatious and couldn’t keep their hands off each other.” Was she attempting to re-create her own trademark ringlets?!? Was she telling a story about Camilla, which instinctively made her touch her hair protectively, remembering Camilla's assault? Or did she just have an itch on her scalp?

Meanwhile, this restaurant should probably stock up on its black bream, since we’re pretty sure that, now that this report is out, that’s all anyone will be ordering there ever again.