Chocobo Ring

"Master, Master, LOOK!! I just found this ring and it gave a COOL glow when I touched it!!"

"Nice work, Ienzo!! Your treasure hunting skills are improving with every day!! Now then, what is it?"

"That’s just it, Master Ansem, I don’t know!!"

Full Item Description

This is a ring with a chocobo stone (a gem with a bird similar to a chicken but larger and more cuddly and cute in the center of the gem. That would be easier to understand if you had already seen the original Pink Panther movie) on a platinum band with three diamonds near the chocobo stone to represent what humans that are on the planet Earth would recognize as the three parts of love in time (past, present, and future). The ring was made with the chocobo stone as a magic amplifier that can turn even a person that wasn’t made for magic into a powerful mage of the highest proportions. Is there more than one chocobo stone, you ask, with wonderful and amazing talents each? Well, there is an answer, which will be mentioned in the history.

History

When the planet was relatively young, it already had some powerful magic in which the Creator of Worlds used to seperate the now different worlds from one another to prevent major differences and wars from the pages of history, but that idea was to prevent wars that would come from big catastrophes that came from one world to head to another. When one such tragedy did occur, however, it was when the monsters born from darkness came to destroy all the rest of the worlds’ source of light and all other good things: the door to each worlds’ share of Kingdom Hearts. What does this have to do with the Chocobo Ring? The chocobo stone was actually found in the realm of Kingdom Hearts and the only one of its’ kind ever. The one that knew where the stone was at was a certain young woman that happened to be a daughter of the Emperor of the Worlds: Emperor Falstoff XIII was the emperor at the time when the stone was found out about by his daughter Tina Cole at age 14, when young women were to get married at Hollow Bastion (the world that ruled the other worlds in peace and harmony) to older men in their mid-20’s and older (never under that… well, up until that point, anyway), and she asked that all available men go to find the chocobo stone and make a ring with it to resemble the love for the princess. She even asked her dad to allow a 15-year-old named Shadow Grant, a ring-making Ninja that loves Tina more than life itself, to be in the competition. Her father reluctantly agreed as long as he would not

hear

where the stone was at. That was a big mistake for the emperor himself, seeing that he thought that Tina was unable to write to Shadow, but he was so wrong!! Tina wrote a letter and gave it to Shadow’s father, who gave it to Shadow when he got on break, who read it and asked to have a leave of absence in the family trade temporarily while finding the stone. When his father agreed, his father knew that Shadow would only return once to the family business to work on rings, and they would be the engagement ring, wedding ring (both without the chocobo stone on them), and the Chocobo Ring. With the emperor stunned by the three rings, the emperor was somehow given more darkness than needed, and thus turned into one of the monsters that feeds off of the darkness in peoples hearts. When it tried to destroy the ring that had the chocobo stone first, it didn’t even touch the RING!! the chocobo stone was too full of light for the giant Heartless (the general name for those monsters) called Emperor of Darkness (the specific name of the one kind of Heartless). The guard that saw the entire incident said that Shadow was to be crowned the next emperor during the wedding!! Since then Tina had it worn on all occasions to protect her family with all sorts of magic and summons that would be considered impossible normally for even a master mage. When Tina died, the stone disappeared from her hand for over 3000 years, and everyone had forgotten what it was during that time.

Enter Ienzo, apprentice to Ansem the Wise, ruling sage at Hollow Bastion. 3,658 years after Tina had died, Ienzo had found a way to make Heartless both naturally and synthetically, and with the last trip to the market place saw his newly made Heartless get destroyed by something like a great big glow of light. The sight of the ring was what got Ienzo curious enough to grab the ring. He felt a comfort that Xehanhort and the rest of the apprentices to Ansem were sure would no longer be around in their hearts in his heart with the glow of the ring. This comfort was the undying light of the Chocobo Ring giving him more strength to be the greatest treasure hunter that Ansem was training him to be (other than being a sage). When he felt the light in his system, he rushed back to his teacher, and started a short conversation.

"Master, Master, LOOK!! I just found this ring and it gave a COOL glow when I touched it!!"

"Nice work, Ienzo!! Your treasure hunting skills are improving with every day!! Now then, what is it?"

"That’s just it, Master Ansem, I don’t know!!"

"You found it and you don’t even know what it is?!?! Now that is something we can always investigate on. Check in the ring, Ienzo, to make sure that the identity is not lost!!"

So, Ienzo checked, and saw the words "For my beautiful Tina. Let the light of the Chocobo Ring fill you all the way in the heart and soul". That was a memory in the reviving, as Ienzo was Tina’s last descendant at the time, and he was trying to get his girlfriend a ring that would mean that he loved her. He also knew how to make rings like his ancestor Shadow knew how to. He showed the ring to his girlfriend that he was trying to marry, she asked if there was a stone like it with the chocobo in it, he said no because it happened to be one of a kind. She asked to have a stone like it but more appropriate for his love for her. That was already easy enough for Ienzo to do. He made the ring and gave it to his girlfriend and asked if she would marry him. What happened after that is a whole different story entirely.

Magic/Cursed Properties

This ring is filled with light powerful enough to drive out darkness in the world when used correctly. It also has an amplifier ability for magic and summoning to be increased by a billion fold (not stat-wise but the amount of abilities increases with the ring on as long as the abilities are magical). This ring is so good nothing of darkness can destroy it at all (seeing that light always overcomes darkness)!! The light can be used as a way to aid people and a way to destroy monsters at the same time. If anyone abuses it, however, then they will be killed by the power of the light inside the ring. That last statement was no questions asked!!

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Chocobohunter, this is impressive in some ways, but also has some things that work against it. We're going to have some questions and criticism, but don't let that discourage you.

I'm not familiar with the video games that inspired parts of this, so I'm not sure which parts were derived from the games and which are your own original contributions. You should be careful not to use too much material from other people's work, because it can make your original ideas get lost in the mix. Even something original can look like it was plaigarized, so it is vital that you add something acknowledging your sources (e.g.: "The Chocobo Bird is a creature from the Final Fantasy games.").

To help us see what parts are yours, could you give a little information about the sources you used?

Consultation with two well-informed site members (Siren no Orakio and Ria Hawk) revealed the following:

In the game Kingdom Hearts, Ansem was the ruler of the Hollow Bastion realm, who studied a phenomena known as the Heartless (creatures of darkness that stole people's hearts.) He was considered a brilliant scientist until he got too close. The bit about creating Heartless synthetically was also in the game.

In Final Fantasy VII, there are stones called materia that give their wielders magical powers, and one in particular, Holy, was pretty much the force of good in solid form.

As was noted above, Chocobos are from Final Fantasy.

Chocobohunter, taking that much background information without giving credit is like stealing. If you want to make an item up, you can add references to other people's work, but you need to add a comment explaining that it's intended to go with that setting ("An item made for an Anime-style game in the 'Kingdom Hearts' setting.")

The ring strongly resembles an item from the Final Fantasy game. While the idea of a powerful, good piece of jewelry is fine, when you combine it with the other details, it's like plaigarism.

The ring is obviously supposed to be an artifact of incredible power, but the way it’s described, it’s too powerful. We look at these things from the perspective of people running various games, and the Chocobo Ring would wreck any game it was put in.

Who do you picture using this artifact? How would you make it part of a game? Such a thing could make a good legend or a “framing story” for a game, but once the ring itself showed up, the game would essentially be over.

“I have heard rumours, my sons… Rumours that speak of the legendary Chocobo Stone! Yes, once there was a ring known as the Chocobo Ring, a device of such magical potency that reality itself was bent to its purposes. But… It was TOO powerful! No mortal dared wear it, for its power was too strong, too pure, for a mere human to long endure! It was riven apart in the end, but its sundered parts remain, too lovely to be destroyed. In this, the hour of our land’s greatest peril, we shall find them, and the Ring of the Chocobo shall be restored!

To chime in on the above, being familiar with the games in question, this is just a bit too much of a mass-derivative work. Chocobos, KH, various and sundry references and acquisitions and intermixtures - I'd advise trying to rework it to be a bit less 'rabid otaku' and if you're going to use material published by others, give credit about it. Not everyone has played the games in question.

The effects are also a bit much on the side of 'This is God in a Box'. Instant amplification of magical ability to epic levels, but if you abuse it (and the descriptor is such that you leave it wide open to interpretation of what might be abuse or not) ZOT, you're dead.