Thursday, April 26, 2012

Stuff They Don't Teach You In Medical School: Inflight Emergencies

Okay, so you don't really follow CPR guidelines, but what does he know? He's just some dumb kid.(What's that you say? Not as dumb as the guy who Photoshopped this in the first place? SHADDAP.)

A few posts ago I wrote about how I single-handedly saved a beautiful woman from her heart exploding aboard a plane before making wild love to her and being dragged upstairs to the crew bedroom by about ten air stewardesses. Wait what? That didn't happen? Damn. I knew drinking coffee before bed would give me crazy dreams. Anyway,what I DID do was help a senior doctor resuscitate and take care of this elderly lady who had fainted after feeling dizzy on a long-haul flight. She had drunk more wine than she was used to before going to sleep.

I was woken up by the doctor's wife telling me that this lady was nearly unconscious. Halfway through rubbing my eyes, I remembered that I was a doctor and my brain started screaming the resus mnemonic at me. The air stewardess passed by, and I called her over and told her urgently "Get me a cup of water please".
"No, not water." Came the authoritative voice of Dr Baldy (not me, the other senior doctor. Imagine the rapper Pitbull except as a doctor. Wait, actually, that would make him Dr Evil. Never mind. --Editor).

I stopped. Both me and the stewardess looked at him.

"Bring her a cup of 7-Up instead. Just a small one," he said, and the stewardess nodded.

As she ran off, I asked Dr Baldy what type of doctor he was. "Oh, I'm a GP," he said. "What's with the 7-Up?" I followed. He proceeded to explain to me that in his experience as a GP, when people were feeling nauseous (like they're going to vomit), giving them plain water would often make them vomit, whereas a small quantity of a sugary carbonated drink actually helped fight the feeling and calmed them down somewhat. "7-Up seems to work the best, in my experience," he added. "I don't know why, but a lot of being a GP is working from experience".

He was right. The lady felt better and less thirsty, and she didn't throw up.

Later after the flight landed, I thanked him for the tip. "Any other last tips?" I asked him.

"Just one. Don't work in the NHS." He winked, put his arm around his wife, and headed for his connecting flight.

I started giggling like a schoolgirl going "ZOMG I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HIM" over and over again picked up my bags and also left. Who knew 7-Up could be so useful?

So kids, the next time you feel sick from catching a virus/eating bad food/reading this blog, remember - SIP SOME 7-UP, NOT WATER. See? Who said reading my blog wasn't educational?

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I noticed one of the pharmacists commented on ur FB page about this and had to ask the same q - where is the evidence base for it?? did he back it up with anything more than anecdotal evidence?? maybe U should do an RCT or a meta-analysis on it!!

Anonymous-Who-Should-Be-CEO-Of-Every-Airline-Ever: Damn straight man! I don't know, I think Malaysia Airlines' policy is to issue the attending doctor with free return tickets instead of a first class upgrade. Sadly he got to fill in the incident report form rather than me, so SADFACE.

Dr Wannabe: I was thinking about that, but then I thought it would be too obvious. Plus Dr Evil is an actual doctor. Aren't I witty? AHAHA. (Don't answer that)

Pharmexorcist: Hoo boy, not another one! I swear, you pharmacists must have it drilled into you in pharm school or something (along with workaholism). I should, shouldn't I? Maybe I'll even get published in the London Journal of Useless Facts and Pointless-As-Tits-On-A-Whale Studies (they rejected my last submission)

Unscientific Non-RCT-Data-Possessing Tsk-Tsk-For-Shame Anonymous: Actually, you just stumbled on MY personal cure for nausea. I was gonna write it here and call it "grandma's old cure" so people would think it was time-tested wisdom, but damn you blew my cover. Dangit.

Unscientific Non-RCT-Data-Possessing Tsk-Tsk-For-Shame Anonymous: Actually, you just stumbled on MY personal cure for nausea. I was gonna write it here and call it "grandma's old cure" so people would think it was time-tested wisdom, but damn you blew my cover. Dangit.

The Quiet Storm: Well well if it ain't everybody's favourite princess! OMG. I'd tell you everything, but then tons of my female stalkers would track me down and break down my door. Got an email I can get you at? Or I'll take it to YOUR blog.

Pseudo_Doctor: Whoa mate you're back! And you even have a new blog post! Oh we'll have you writing again in no time. Anyhoos, I've replied over at your place - can't go around giving out my personal details or my mobs of fangirls will track me down and make sweet sweet love to my bunghole. (Wait, why am I not giving out personal details then? Um. Anyway. Yeah. Your site.)

Medstudentitis: Bloody hell, congrats! Has that much time passed? Maybe the career ladder across the pond is faster than in the UK where it takes bloody ages to become a consultant? Hmm. Another reason not to work in this bloody country.

The Angry Medic Elsewhere

About Me

The Angry Medic is an idiot who got into Cambridge University due to his unusually attractive eyelashes. For the past 6 years he has been ranting his way through the freakshow and wide-screen madness that is the medical course at Cambridge and Imperial College London, and finding time to express an opinion on medicine, social issues, and anything else he considers pains in the gluteal region. He can now be found regularly endangering patients' lives (and being endangered in return) somewhere in Southeast Asia.

Have you been overly enthralled by the allure of Cambridge and want to give it a crack? Has someone hit you on the head with a large frying pan and now you want to go to medical school? Do you want to join me in a suicidal leap off the Bridge of Sighs? Or have you a rant more boring than mine? Drop me a line at angrymedic [at] gmail [dot] com

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