Love, Grief and Magic. A new road, a new life, a new story~~

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Return to me…
Please come back…
Return to me, with your strong arms
That wrapped round me…
And made me feel safe and secure
No matter what was going on around us.
Return to me, with your broad shoulders
Upon which I rested my head
And listened to your heartbeat…
Until our breathing became one breath and I felt reassured and knew, always,
That my world was good, and would always be good
Because you were in it.
Return to me…
With your smile that lit up my world
And brightened my days
Even if we were on the phone and you were far away
I’d feel your smile and…
My world was serene.
Return to me…
With your green eyes that would catch mine across a crowded room
And the one would crinkle in a slow wink
Meant only for me…
A wink that carried promises of passion and flirtation and teasing
And my heart would grow giddy and butterflies flutter in my stomach.
Return to me…
Take my hand in yours again, wrap your fingers around mine…
Return to me, my beloved
I beg of you…
Hold me, touch me, love me, dance with me, put your hand upon my knee, kiss me, envelop me.
My body longs for you
My heart beats for you
My mind wanders to you and me and what we had…
My pulse is your pulse…
And I die inside a little each day, that I don’t have you any longer…
That you don’t have me any longer…
That we are gone and it is just me here on this earth…
Return to me, my beloved…

Living in the after
My heart in the before
My passion in the before…
Most of me, really, in the before
I don’t know how to be
In this after
I don’t know how to love life
In this after
All of me resides in the before
Because nothing seems to matter
In this after
Memories of Love
Of being held
Lightness of being
Instead of this heaviness
In this after
This low-grade buzz in my
Heart body mind soul
A buzz that aches with remembering
The before
In this after
How does one be
What one was before
In this after?
There is a great and yawning chasm
Between the before and the after
That echoes the great and yawning emptiness
Of my being
In this after
And it is in that emptiness
that who I was who I am who I might be could be don’t want to be but must be
in that emptiness of space and unknowing and missing-ness and uncertainty and dislocation and disorientation and remembering and hurting and wondering and standing still while moving…
There…right there….is where I reside
In this after
So very unlike the before~