I havent really posted much in here except my introduction thread to TTC but I figured I may as well tell you my story of how I got here. Hubby and I got pregnant in October '07 almost 2 months after our wedding but in December I had some weird bleeding and spotting but thought everything would be ok. Early Christmas morning I woke up with some cramping and when I went to pee I had some large clots (sorry TMI) and I knew it was all over. I crawled back into bed and told hubby I was miscarrying. He didnt want to believe it. I ended up going to the hospital that morning after we opened our presents and they confirmed my miscarriage. Now we just wait it out. I ended up back at the hospital because I was in excrutiating pain and at this point I just wanted to miscarry if thats what my body was trying to do. I literally felt like I was dying. Turns out I have a tilted cervix and the embryo was stuck causing me to bleed heavily (I was going through a pad in a half hour) and all the pain so the doctor had to remove it. It was over, the pain subsided and now I just wait again. I was about 10 wks but they said embryo died around 5 wks.

I got my AF exactly 28 days later and then skipped an AF in february and got pregnant in march. Everything was great, had MS, had early ultrasound and seen that little bean on the screen. In may 1 day before my birthday I got to see the baby again on another ultrasound, heart beating away, feet and arms kicking and moving..everything seemed perfect until the doctor told us there would likely be something wrong because there was too much fluid behind the baby's neck. They had tested for downs and knew it couldnt be that but said the pregnancy likely wouldnt last. I wanted to wait it out and make sure for myself...there was no way I was terminating my pregnancy because they thought something was wrong...if I was going to lose my baby I would when it was ready to go. I was 12wks 2 days. A little over 2 wks later at exactly 14 wks I went to the doctors for a check up and she couldnt find the babys heartbeat so sent me for an emergency ultrasound, she wasnt sure if it was because her dopplers batteries were dying so wanted to send me just in case. As soon as they did the ultrasound I knew. There was no heartbeat, you couldnt even tell it was a baby in there, it was no longer moving. We were devastated. I kept it together as best I could and they did CVS (sample of the placenta) to find out why it happened. I had my D&C 2 days later. It was the most painful procedure I have ever gone through. Because I was further along then most people when they lose early pregnancies they wanted to fully dialate me. I had the compressed seaweed (forget the proper name for it) put into my cervix...that was the most pain I have ever felt and literally made me cry. Later they put me to sleep and when I woke my baby was gone. I still rubbed my belly, I still felt like it was all a dream...it wasnt. A few months later we got the results back from the tests they did and we found out our baby was a little girl...hardest thing to find out ever but Im glad I knew. We named her Ava Lynn. On my due date (December 8th) we hung an angel we bought and engraved with "our sweet angel Ava Lynn 06/09/08" on our christmas tree and lit a pair of gemini candles (one for hubby one for I) and cried. I was finally able to grieve.

It has now been well over a year since I lost Ava and we are still trying. I have had wickedly long cycles since February '08. 72 days, 74 days, 49 days and just recently 37 days. Today was our second appt with the fertility specialist and after loads of blood tests and chromosome testing on both hubby and I (blood tests all came back as my being perfectly healthy and chromosome results werent back yet which they were supposed to be-it was only supposed to take 3 months for the results) she has finally put me on Clomid and perscribed Provera. I am only on cd17 so I have a bit to wait before I can take it but Im excited as I really think it will help. We have to go back and see her in January and if Im not pregnant by then then she is going to go into further testing.

Anyways if you finished this good job lol it was quite long. Sorry about that! I just wanted you to know my story so you know where we are in TTC.

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Erin. wife to Greg. Mama to Grace, Abby & Lilly
Grace's birth story here. Abby's birth story here. Lilly's birth story here.
“...most of the time, all you have is the moment, and the imperfect love of the people around you.” -Anne Lamott