Sorry Not Sorry: Exude More Confidence By Apologizing Less

Here are some of the things I apologized for in the past month: crying in front of my best friend while I was upset, standing where a man bumped into me, having an idea in a meeting, sitting in a chair next in which someone else wanted to sit, asking a tall person to retreive something placed on a high shelf, asking a question about something I didn’t understand, turning down plans, and for countless other things—like for SAYING SORRY. Yep, I said sorry for saying sorry. A sorry-inception. (Sorry…if that reference is too dated.)

But, here’s the thing: I’m not sorry. And, likely, neither are any of you in most of the occasions that you blurt out the word. As for me, I’m done apologizing for existing.

I did an unscientific study (read: I g-chatted a handful of my friends) to find out why I feel compelled to say, “sorry” all the time. All but one of the girlfriends admitted to doing the same thing, followed by some form of, “but I’m really working on it” or “I’m really trying to cut back.” One friend said, “Yeah, I just say it as like a filter word.”

When I asked a bunch of dudes whether they suffer the same compulsion, they seemed baffled by the question itself and didn’t really even understand what it was that I was asking. “Wait, like if I bump into someone,” one guy asked. “Sometimes I’ll say excuse me, or my bad.” They didn’t get it. Because as research shows, they don’t say, “I’m sorry” as often.

To me, “sorry” serves as a disclaimer, something like “I’m going to say something now and I hope that it doesn’t offend you.” Oftentimes, we ladies may be too scared to be dubbed—cue ominous music—a bitch (GASP) if we say something inadvertently hurtful or appear too confident. In the workplace, the idea is that we need to remain personable and pleasant to get ahead, and we don’t want to shake that by potentially coming off as too…bossy.

BUT—fear not, fellow females, because today is the day we start paying attention to our “sorrys,” “excuse mes,” and, “I hate to bother you, buts,” and start asserting ourselves. No one is going to hold anything against us if we know what we’re talking about and say it with confidence. If you have a question about what someone is saying, don’t apologize, but ask for clarification instead. If your arm brushes someone’s shoulder as they walk by, there is no need to offer mea culpas because you’ve done nothing wrong. You were merely existing. Ladies, let’s save the sorries for the times in which we actually did something wrong—otherwise, hey, #sorrynotsorry.

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I went to NYU for Film & TV and had the entrepreneur’s spirit since being a tot when I contracted chores out to my older sister for a profit (ha!). I run Hello Lucy Design (a web management and design biz) full time as well as Editorial Direction for LikeABossGirls.com. As a full-of-energy go-getter, my motto is “Why the heck not?”. I'm a mid-western girl who has worked for the BBC in London, Nickelodeon in NYC, and Jazz Aspen Snowmass in Colorado. One of my proudest accomplishments was serving as Co-Director for three consecutive years for the Fusion Film Festival of NYU, celebrating women in film, TV, and new media.