Hi. Just letting you know that this is my last post on this blog. It is taking up too much of my time in competition with other interests; so I am moving on. Thanks to all my followers, commenters and your likes :) I wish you good pranking and more laughs on the phone. Cheers Jimmy.

This was originally posted with a Canadian audience in mind, but it has relevance here in Australia and, I suspect, in most third world countries generally. Brain Jones, the author, is a programmer and works full time in the telecommunications industry.

TELEMARKETER:
“Hello Mrs. Dong, we are affiliated with Macrohard Technologies; and in monitoring the internet it has come to our attention that your computer has a number of errors which makes it prone to attack right now…”ME: “Arr excuse me, I’ve got a lot of hang-ups about calls like this and here comes one,” then hang up.

#16. Enterprise bargaining agreement – ΩΩΩTELEMARKETER:
“Hello, we are offering you and a friend the opportunity to enjoy 2 days free at one of our many holiday resorts—”ME: Bargain with them for an extremely better deal. For instance, test their resolve and push for a week’s free holiday with free dinners and breakfasts included. Haggle for a 2-for-1 offer, so you can invite another couple along. Barter for unlimited access with no payment to the suite’s phone, internet, gym, personal trainer, masseur/masseuse, solarium, spa, and room service. (Beware: some cheap deals get you there only to find that there is an outrageous parking fee or even the use of a DVD player is extra.) But who knows, you may end up negotiating an offer too good to refuse. If they agree to your terms, make sure they email you a copy of the agreement (subject to payment) before you commit financially.

Key: Keep a list of deal sweeteners that you can suggest next to the phone.

Pestered Tim Price was pretty peeved by cold calling telephone salesmen taking the P – so he’s added an extra nine Ps to his name in a desperate bid to make them stop, writes Lee Marlow. Tim, 49, has changed his name by deed poll to Tim Pppppppppprice. Try pronouncing that while, at the same time, making a good first impression.