John Barnes' rap battle

In football, as in relationships, you should always beware the
pitfalls of revisiting former glories. Take Kevin Keegan, for
example; his return to the Newcastle manager's job in 2008 saw his
reputation reduced from that of the Messiah to that of serial
walkaway when his second coming was curtailed after artistic
differences with the club's owner. Robbie Fowler's Liverpool
comeback was largely disappointing, as the man known as God
throughout the red half of Merseyside spent most of his time on the
pews in the dugout. And what of the tale of Norwich's Bryan Gunn?
Such was the high regard in which their former goalkeeper was held
at Norwich, he actually has an area of their Carrow Road ground
named in his honour. But attitudes towards the Canaries legend
soured somewhat after he took them down to League One in 2009.

The latest footballing deity to fall foul of this cruel quirk of
football is John Barnes, who recently reprised his legendary rap
from England and New Order's 1990 World Cup song "World In Motion"
for the chocolate bar Mars. One can't help feeling a pang of
disappointment as you watch the national side's greatest ever
lyricist rap "Three Lions on my Mars, you know I can't go wrong."
Gone is the handsome physique of yesteryear, replaced by the
traditional "stocky" retired footballer's build (though, it must be
said, the cheeky grin remains). Gone too is the fun, spontaneity
and unscripted genius of the original.

In fairness to Barnes, he is a good sport and is happy to talk
about his rap 20 years on (he recently told me he'd been rapping
since he was 17 and was a big fan of the Sugarhill Gang). But Mars'
cover version does risk removing some of the shine on our the
rose-coloured memories of the brilliant original. As for the
commercial itself, although tongue in cheek, it does look a little
half-hearted from Mars, who filmed the ad in London's Victoria Park
- why didn't they just go to where the original was filmed at
Liverpool's training ground? It's only up the M6. Plus, the
commercial suffers from competing against a raft of World
Cup-themed advertisements, the best of which must be Sony's which
features Terry Venables, Graham Taylor and Kenny Dalglish in a
retirement home - and Kelly Brook in a nurse's outfit
to boot!

So, to refresh your palate and really get you in the mood for next
month, here's New Order's "World In Motion" (after a suitably
excruiating Top of the Pops link)

Read exclusive interviews with New Order, John Barnes and
the makers of the original song in the current issue of GQ Sport,
free with UK copies of
British GQ, on sale now.

Mark Russell

Mark Russell is the Managing Editor of GQ and GQ Style. Follow him on Twitter @GQRunningman.