Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Dealing With Strong Emotions In Relationships PART 2

About 1 year ago I met a girl. At the start of this relationship I promised myself that I wanted to have difficult conversations with her and essentially to be vulnerable and to express myself emotionally. Up until this point in time I hadn’t really managed to achieve this mean feat in relationships. In other areas of my life, this was a piece of cake. For example, if I needed to have a difficult conversation with someone at work I just went up to them and said what was on my mind but romantically I found that there was some sort of block there. Essentially I had problems with vulnerability and being emotionally open. This journey actually led me to a yearlong personal development course in psychodrama, which was amazing and helped to bed down the process. But I also needed practice in my new romantic relationship as well.

From the get go, I didn’t want to hold back in my relationship with my new Girlfriend. I had to challenge the assumption that one only has difficult conversations with someone after you have been with them for 6 or 12 months. I was amazed at how much psychodrama helped this process and how different I was as a result. It also helped that she was a no-bullshit type of independent women who was extremely open herself. What also helped us out in this process was the decision to be friends prior to getting into a relationship. I strongly believe that getting to know someone in the context of a series of dates with sex as the reward, cultivates a very superficial interaction.

When I reflect on our 3 or 4 serious conversations and the at times overwhelming emotion, I realised that it is within all of us and not something that needs to be learnt. What is required is the unlearning of some behavioural patterns that stop this process from occurring. Some of you may be thinking, “what does it feel like?” It is like being completely naked and not giving a damm and being completely confident within your own skin. Ultimately the experience is beyond words.

Some people say that humans are not meant to be monogamous. With all the choice and distraction in modern day city life I can understand where these people are coming from. But I do believe that there is a way to have a long lasting monogamous relationship. Through embarking on this process. It is the best drug in the world. And the highest of highs can occur through having a normal, everyday relationship and not constantly looking for your next adventure.

A lot of generation Y’s are not happy with their lives and are looking to challenge traditional norms towards work and relationships. And good luck to them I say. Ultimately, though having this type of relationship – nothing else compares. Not even having 100 of the most gorgeous supermodels at your bed everynight.

As human being we have all sorts of needs. We have physical needs, sexual needs but lets not forget out emotional needs. Some people choose to go on self-development courses to get their emotional needs met. By all means, go ahead and do this. But also try and get your emotional needs meet in your current relationship…it is a hell of a lot cheaper.

2 comments:

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