BOX OFFICE: A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD Opens To $840,000 At Midnight Screenings

The latest instalment in the Die Hard franchise hasn't gone down well with critics, but 20th Century Fox probably couldn't care less as it looks set to do reasonably well at the North American box office this weekend. Hit the jump for details!

According to The Hollywood Reporter, A Good Day To Die Hard took $840,000 at midnight screenings yesterday evening as it kicks off its run at the North American box office. While this isn't a particularly impressive figure, it does beat the $725,000 that The Expendables 2 grossed last summer. The film played at 2,328 locations for an average of $361 per site and opens in 3,553 locations today; Valentine's Day. Analysts are predicting a weekend of $40 million for the fifth instalment in the popular franchise, but we all know by now just how wildly these numbers can vary, and the word of mouth more than likely won't be particularly good for this one.

Iconoclastic, take-no-prisoners cop John McClane, for the first time, finds himself on foreign soil after traveling to Moscow to help his wayward son Jack ­– unaware that Jack is really a highly-trained CIA operative out to stop a nuclear weapons heist. With the Russian underworld in pursuit, and battling a countdown to war, the two McClanes discover that their opposing methods make them unstoppable heroes.

There are a few I movies hate. A few movies boils the marrow in my bones until the seething rage cannot be contained. Sucker Punch is such a movie. Transformers 2 is such a movie. A Good Day To Die Hard Is Such a movie. This is a rant. Let me make that clear from the off. There will be spoilers because I'm going to talk about some shit. It's not a review, it's not a critique, it's a rant. Because this movie has violated me and I'm mad. I don't care if nobody reads this, I just have to get it off my chest.

Die Hard 5 is bad. No, it's [frick]ing awful. Forget being a bad Die Hard movie, it's a bad movie, period. Here's the plot - John McClane's son is a CIA agent and...wait...what? Moving on. Basically Daddy goes to Russia to...you know they never really establish what he hopes to do. Give his son a manly hug? Anyways, John McClane screws up an operation and then the McClanes get double crossed by people who double and triple cross everyone, and then there's a vault in Chernobyl with secret suitcase nukes...oh yeah...Chernobyl is in this but don't worry about the radiation, they have magic anti-radiation spray that gets rid of all the radiation....oh and then there's Jesus.

Chernobyl was a cover up and Jesus is in this movie. A lot. You see that R rating that was promised? Well John McClane doesn't say [frick]. He says Jesus. A whole [frick]ing lot. And Yippie Kay Yay Mutha[frick]er? Last time it was a gun shot, this time it's a car engine. R Rating my ass. You see John McClane is now a superhero. He's Superman. Human beings don't roll cars a half dozen times and walk away without a scratch. Human beings aren't engulfed in [frick]ing fire and come out without so much as a light tan. Movie logic be damned, this is John McClane. He's supposed to be beat up. He's not an action hero. He's not Rambo.

John McClane is supposed to suffer and struggle for every victory and be in agony after every defeat. He's a foul-mouthed NYPD cop from New Jersey who pisses people off. Die Hard. The true spirit of Die Hard can be summed up by one scene:

The elevator opens. A woman screams. A dead body sitting on a chair, wearing a santa hat...there's a message written on him - Now I have a maching gun. Ho Ho Ho.

That's Die Hard. Hans Gruber holding Holly hostage in the climax. Holly sees how banged up John is. That's Die Hard. "Welcome To The Party Pal!" That's Die Hard. McClane spending an entire movie with a splitting headache, even asking the villain if he has any aspirin. That's Die Hard. Over the top? Yes. Violent? Yes. A Good Day To Die Hard might be called a Die Hard movie but just like Johnson and Johnson, there's no relation.

Oh and here's an ending spoiler. You the scene at the end of Die Hard where Han falls from Nakatomi? The look of shock on his face? They did that in this movie. Yes. They actually redid the Hans Gruber death with this movie's villain. I don't give a shit if I spoiled that. I warned you there would be spoilers. In fact I'm doing you a favour. Do not see this film. It will hurt you. It will skull[frick] you and in the end you'll be glad of the sweet release of death so you don't have to put up with this movie anymore.

I haven't even gotten into the technical flaws - the piss poor editing, the ridiculous cgi. The awful ADR that's worse than a Leone spaghetti western. There's no need. The story is so bad, the characters so unmemorable, the action so boring, the dialogue so terrible, Wise cracking McClane may as well be doing a stand up routine about the Holocaust in the middle of Tel Aviv, it's so horrendous. It also feels like half the movie is missing. Like there should be more to it. But there isn't.

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Remember when that used to be [frick], [frick], [frick], [frick], [frick]? This movie is tame and boring, badly conceived and badly made.

Die Hard isn't all that complicated. Getting it right shouldn't be such a chore. Wrong place, wrong time, shit goes bad, John suffers, he pisses everyone off, he's battered and beaten and broken and he still wins. It's not old hat to him. He's not used to it. He's not a superhero who walks away from a crash that would have crushed his bones. He feels pain and we feel it with him. He's an asshole and we love him for it.

And no Fox, you're not positioning his son to take over as the new John McClane. [frick] that. Did I mention the magic "fix Chernobyl" anti-radiation spray? Of course I did but it bears repeating.

So take my advice. If any of you are planning to take your girlfriends to Die Hard 5, don't. She she will [frick] you after but it will be with a 12 inch strap-on up your ass, an ass that's already been raped by this shit[frick] of a movie. Jesus.

Oh Jesus, America, don't you know this means Skip Woods will get more work writing crap like this instead of Hollywood finding the next Jeb Stuart and/or Steven E. de Souza (who wrote the first Die Hard) to write good ones? Hell, even Jonathan Hensleigh (who went on to direct Punisher '04) did a fine job with the third Die Hard.

Wake me when John McTiernan's legal woes are over and they actually hire someone who knows how to write McClane vs. Generic Invincible Plain Clothes Superhero # whatever.

Correction: The rapist of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. There was actually a movie there when Benioff and Ayer (who's revision could have stood a bit of reworking of it's own) did it. Then Fox checked their bank account and recent box office failure rate and let Woods go to town on that poor thing.

Somehow, even with the leak, that rancid train wreck actually pulled enough to put Fox back in the black with a healthy box office gross (vs. a good five years of safe, mid budget family friendly comedies). Sadly, I think that's what they think is going to happen. Sadly, it looks like they're right.

2nd week it will drop, that's for sure but I will take time to watch it since I enjoyed the other 4, even if people hate it I'll judge it for my self. It can't be as bad as the crystal skull right? Right???

Really lol damn that sucks....I'm still watching it regardless to see what is the matter. I notice all critics all became snobs. Some are alright but they seem to all became stuck up movie critic snobs who thinks they know too much about films but really they are just lost. I for one think the worst movie that came out that I can think if right now is the last air bender.

It's an action movie that has pretty much everything - although lacking in everything, as well - but...um, action. I mean, when there's an action scene, the camera would do anything from twisting, shaking, and twirling, except for actually focusing on the action. If you're planning to go to see this movie with the hope of at least seeing the McClane's kicking a lot of asses, you better not. And there are a lot of other things to complain about, but I think that's just enough already to prevent you from seeing this "action" movie; which is sad, because Willis (despite his terribly written one-liners) and Courtney were pretty good.

And the so-called "normal people" don't keep up with cyclops' latest adventures either (pointing at your avatar). Nor do they care to check for how much money die hard 5 made in its midnight screenings only to make a hypocritical comment implying how they're above and beyond such petty things.

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