Archive for Movie

It’s been a while, so I thought I’d get back into the swing with something I was utterly looking forward to.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

It was shit.

I can’t really leave it at that, though that’s pretty much all it deserves.

There may be some spoilers in this article, though the only thing that really spoils the movie is actually watching it.

Ok, in all seriousness maybe because I was such a fan of the first movie and I had such high hopes that I fell from that sky scraper of an expectation onto footpath of concrete reality… wooooosh….BLurrtk!!

I must admit that the first Hot Tub Time Machine wasn’t exactly cinematic brilliance but it was along the same lines as Better Off Dead and it took me back to my childhood so I ended up loving it. It had character and some quirky awesomeness not to mention John Cusack who while has been in some completely balls up decisions of movies has also done some kick arse movies. High Fidelity, Grosse Pointe Blank, Say Anything, Stand By Me and Sixteen Candles.

Lou (Rob Corrdry) was a great secondary character in number one, but he couldn’t cut it as a main focus of the second movie, and the movie completely lost direction without Adam (John Cusack). Half the movie the characters referred Cusack’s character only for him to appear right at the end and then disappear equally as quick. The movie was crass without being funny crass, it was unimaginative, it had haphazard writing/script and completely came across as having “Let’s make another one because we can” vibe.

There were about 2 things that I liked about the movie, a Choice cameo by Lisa Loeb and a quick entrance and exit of John Cusack, his exit is how I felt watching the movie.

I’m sorry to bring you such a downer of a review, but do yourself a favour watch anything but this.

I’ve just put up an article on the Walking Dead which you really should read, brilliant article…I mean show. Now I just need a quick rant on the movie Elysium.

What the hell is going on at the end of Elysium? So everything goes really well for everyone on earth, not so much for Max (Matt Damon) but shit happens, he’s a bit of a tool anyway…seriously if the T1000 was after Max/Matt he would be toast, so all that aside…. Worlds been saved, everyone on Elysium got the rough end of the stick but hey they had it too good for too long. Everyone on earth becomes a citizen, great, now here is my gripe. The Elysium robot “system” sends down hundreds of medical ships to earth to find and fix the population, sounds great right? Where did these ships come from????? Everyone on Elysium has a pod to repair any problems they may have had, no-one on Elysium wants to help earth, so why would they have a large resource sitting in a hanger bay???? And why the frig would anyone build them????

Don’t get me started on the way Max/Matt won……ok started! He rebooted the system which means the entire Elysium went down..Bit of back ground on where I am going, throughout the movie ships landed on the surface by coming through a field that quite obviously kept the atmosphere in….so….wouldn’t, when the system goes down, the oxygen vent straight out into space?? And secondly, the gravity generator would stop so everything that wasn’t tied down would simply woosh up into space. Lets quickly entertain the thought that the reboot happened and the systems were kick arse enough to get the field back into place quickly and the oxygen back into Elysium so that everyone could breath again. No matter how quickly this happened, surely with the brief lack of gravity and oxygen everyone would be lifted from the ground then as soon as the gravity was put back they’d be slammed back down again to the ground. There would be a shit load of bone breaks, bruises and internal injuries that surely a few of the hundreds of medical ships would be required for the citizens of Elysium!!!!! That AND my arse all the ships started! They wouldn’t have been started in over a 100 years, could you imagine them even turning over????

Where do I start? Hmm.. Disappointment. Yes that’s where. I haven’t been this disappointed in a movie since Prometheus and even then Prometheus wins in this race hands down. If I seem a bit negative towards this movies, that’s because I am, save yourself the 2 hours of tedium. I was totally looking forward to this movie, I thought kick arse! Action Sci-Fi, No…no no….What’s the opposite of that? That’s right! Shit.

In my comments on this movie there may be a few “spoilers”, but in all honesty there is nothing I could say that can spoil this movie. It’s happy doing that all by itself.

Let me give you the premise of the movie.?”One of the few remaining drone repairmen assigned to Earth, its surface devastated after decades of war with the alien Scavs, discovers a crashed spacecraft with contents that bring into question everything he believed about the war, and may even put the fate of mankind in his hands.” Written by Black Dahlia

The “aliens” that you think live on earth…. Aren’t aliens they’re human. The Aliens that you think they have the war with aren’t aliens. It’s a big red friggen eye in space. They don’t go anywhere cool. The best part of the movie is him taking off in his “Helicopter” backward over the edge, which get’s done too many times. Now I don’t want to waste any more time on this movie, it doesn’t deserve it. But! I’ll give you a few thoughts to think of after you watch this movie.

Why are there 2 seats in the “helicopter” if she’s not allowed in the friggen thing?? How does he attach the sleep pod to the underneath of the helicopter? That shit’s a 2 man job at least!?Who builds the house??If the big red eye has drones to build the power plants why wouldn’t he have drones to repair them??????Why does the big red eye need them??Who built the big red eye??On the inside of the alien space ship, who takes care of stuff? Surely the big red eye needs minions??

I can keep going forever, but I will leave with this last thought.

Why oh Why can’t they just make a simple kick arse Sci-Fi movie? It’s simple, don’t try and make it thought provoking! Just Guns, bombs, aliens and war.