Pages

Power is intoxicating. Everyone loves having the ability to make their decisions into reality — to think "this should be something that happens," and then actually be able to make that thing happen.

It is also dangerous.

And it is especially dangerous when applied to four-year-olds.

Four-year-olds lack the experience to wield power responsibly. They have no idea what to do with it or how to control it.

But they like it.

The dinosaur costume was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. The previous Halloween, which was the first Halloween I could actually remember, my parents had dressed me as a giant crayon, and the whole experience had been really uncomfortable for me.

But being a dinosaur felt natural.

And powerful.

The feeling had been slowly intensifying ever since I put the costume on that morning, and, as I stood there in the middle of the classroom, staring off into the distance in an unresponsive power trance, it finally hit critical mass.

I had to find some way to use it. Any way. Immediately.

The other children screamed and fled. The teacher chased me, yelling at me to stop. But I couldn't stop. I was a mindless juggernaut, a puppet for forces far greater than myself. I had completely lost control of my body.

All I knew was that being a dinosaur felt very different from being a person, and I was doing things that I had never even dreamed of doing before.

Of course, I had always had the ability to do these things — even as a person — but I didn't know that. I'd just assumed that I was unable. As a dinosaur, I didn't have any of those assumptions. It felt like I could do whatever I wanted without fear of repercussions.

The repercussions were also exactly the same as they were before I became a dinosaur.

I just experienced them differently.

My parents had to come pick me up at noon that day. The teacher explained that it must have been all the Halloween candy. "Some kids really can't handle sugar," she said. "It turns them into little monsters."

I suppose it was a reasonable enough conclusion, but it only served as a distraction from the real problem.

The thing about being an unstoppable force is that you can really only enjoy the experience of being one when you have something to bash yourself against. You need to have things trying to stop you so that you can get a better sense of how fast you are going as you smash through them. And whenever I was inside the dinosaur costume, that is the only thing I wanted to do.

The ban on sugar provided a convenient source of resistance. As long as I was not supposed to eat sugar, I could feel powerful by eating it anyway.

I'm sure the correlation started to seem rather strong after a while. I'd find some way to get sugar into myself, and then — drunk on the power of doing something I wasn't supposed to —I would lapse into psychotic monster mode. To any reasonable observer, it would appear as though I was indeed having a reaction to the sugar.

My parents were so confused when the terror sprees continued even after the house had been stripped of sugar. They were sure they had gotten rid of all of it. . . did I have a stash somewhere? Was I eating bugs or something?

They still weren't suspicious of the costume.

I lost weeks in a power-fueled haze. I often found myself inside the costume without even realizing I had put it on. One moment, I would be calmly drawing a picture, and the next I'd be robotically stumbling toward my closet where the dinosaur costume was and putting myself inside it.

It started to happen almost against my will.

Surely my parents made the connection subconsciously long before they became aware of what was really going on. After weeks of chaos, each instance punctuated by the presence of the costume, I have to imagine that the very sight of the thing would have triggered some sort of Pavlovian fear response.

They did figure it out eventually, though.

And the costume was finally taken away from me.

I was infuriated at the injustice of it all. I had become quite dependent on the costume, and it felt like part of my humanity was being forcibly and maliciously stripped away. I cursed my piddling human powers and their uselessness in the situation. If only I could put on the costume . . . just one more time.

But that was the costume's only weakness — it couldn't save itself. I had to watch helplessly as it disappeared inside a trash bag.

There was nothing I could do.

And so my reign of power came to an end, and I slowly learned to live as a person again.

Love this post! I was such a girl, I had a fairy costume covered in sequins...I don't think I even knew what dinosaurs were:) My oldest son had a Peter Pan costume when he was about 5 and he wore it all the time, he had "Tink" with him everywhere we went and was constantly talking to her over his shoulder. It was a little embarrassing in public!

Needless to say, I am extremely happy you're back!!! So happy that this may be for me the first time ever to comment on a blog! I am practically a virgin commenter (commentator? see, I don't even know the word, dammit!). The picture with your parents discussing what to do with the costume is insane! Could you, please put it on your Zazzle store? I totally dig insane things to wear...

I am definitely, totally, extremely happy you're back! So happy that I decided to write this comment, which is a first time for me. Yep, virgin commenter here(commentator? see, I don't even know the word!) Not entirely sure that you'd read this (probably) 820th comment, but the picture with your parents discussing what to do with the costume is completely insane! Could you put it, please, on your Zazzle store? I totally dig insane clothes to wear...

Do you need more evidence that I have no idea what I'm doing here? I just posted 2 comments with almost (but not exactly) the same content, (because I thought the first one was lost) so now I cannot even blame it on some glitch in the software! How lame is that? Now that I think about it, the term virgin becomes freakishly accurate... No other post on this topic, I promise. No matter what happens with this one.

I WAS AS CRAYON FOR HALLOWEEN WHEN I WAS LITTLE! Except I think I actually liked it and thought I could color like a real one and would just throw myself at the ground and nothing would really happen.www.meadowinferno.blogspot.com

Comment attempt #592. Your blog hates me. I created a Gmail account just so I could leave comments and it still hasn't worked. Wah! Maybe this time? Menace made me laugh hysterically as do all your posts. I love your awesome warped sense of humor. I desperately need a dinosaur costume at work.

Omg! This completely reminded me of a dark time in my parents lives, right after I had seen Jurassic Park, except I didn't have a costume only long nails which made attacking people more menacing! ^_^ My attacks were always punctuated by the shrill sreams of the a Velociraptor.

I did not read all 835 comments so this is perhaps redundant, but This American Life just did a story this weekend on alter-egos. Your comic reminded me of one of their "acts" about this girl who is rather timid normally but transforms entirely when she puts on the school mascot costume. It's great. Not as great as your comic though. http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/506/secret-identity

ALLIE! You are my role model and you never cease to amaze me. I love you so much and I love all of the chemical reactions that go on within your brain that result in your existence. Seriously, even old posts make my day every day.

I used to do this when I saw Lilo and Stitch! I turned into a rolling, scratching, biting ball of fury. Eventually, the movie was banned in our home.Also, I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE BACK. We love you and we're delighted that you still post. =)

glad you're back, allie!it's a testament to how lovely you are that when i saw one dickhole comment on this entire page i was pissed off, despite every other one full of enthusiasm and happiness at the fact that you're back.also the other day, someone pointed out to me that the song "torn" gets immensely funnier when you replace every "torn" with "corn." corn strikes again!

Dear Allie, I absolutely love your drawings and your stories. I have been cheering so much for your recovery while you have been away. You bring so much happiness to others and I hope you feel a little bit of it is coming back to you. We are many who think of you and wish you the best. I hope you have a little bit of dinosaur skin underneath your own, to keep you empovered ;-)

Sorry you've been having such a rough time...Hoping (though a useless emotion that won't actually affect anything - sort of a wax apple that looks like it has a purpose but really not so much...)that you find your way out of that wasteland.

I just got my 3 yr old son a dinosaur costume for Halloween and everything he has been doing finally makes sense to me now. You. Are. Amazing. I can only hope that one day, like you, he will use his forces for good (in your case explaining the absurdity of our human existence through humor) and not evil...

Thank you for helping me be brave. I am on a Roller Derby team, I'm not fresh meat (new) anymore, but when it comes to some things I am still slower than the new girls. It's embarrassing! Last night at practice we were supposed to walk across the track on our toe stops. EVERYBODY made it to the other side while I was still in the middle flailing about like a drunken giraffe. They were all staring and yelling for me to hurry up... Instead of faking an injury or crying I yelled "I can only do this as a dinosaur!" I then proceed on my toe stops while doing my best velosoraptor impression. I roared, and clawed my hands. You know what? I made it all the way across by harnessing my inner menace. My team loved it, and laughed so hard they were falling all over the place. So Thank you for helping me be brave and thank you for making me feel like there is somebody out there who might understand me.

I so very much love how you express truth and story and humor and sadness...heck, the whole kit and kaboodle of our humanoid-ness. I just realized with these gov't shutdown characters that we need to find out where they are hiding their dinosaur costumes!-WendyB

Allie, I love you...but please fix the grammar on your book promotion page. I know you would hate to have people talking about it...um...alot.

"use of fear and shame as motivational tools, a story about the time my mother tried to take my sister and I on an adventure and ended up getting us all lost in the woods," (It's "my sister and me" - take out the words "my sister" and that's how it works. Love you!

Just had to tell you, besides that it's awesome you updated.. I flew Delta yesterday and who should I see in their magazine but YOU! I was terribly excited, and also can't wait for your book that the article said was coming out this month!

And this story makes me think of my high school choir class on halloween. We started playing some improve acting game and this very small guy wearing a dragon costume somehow ended up being a kindergarten teacher.

Students flock to the best mba institute in bangalore that have earned their reputation.Many of the bangalore business school havebeen ranked in the Top MBA colleges inBangalore in noteworthy education.top mba colleges in bangalore.

Last night I had a dream in which I was half-asleep, wandering around this weird indoor neighborhood, when this dog came up to me. And I was like, "I recognize this dog," and then I realized it was the simple dog, and I was all excited because I thought "OH! Allie must live near here!"

But I never saw you because the dream changed and all I remember is that I wanted to dive into the water but everyone was getting in my way and then the water disappeared and I had to go downstairs and look at a bunch of stupid dollhouses.

But I've always loved your blog, and I'm glad I almost got to see you in my dreams.

This is going to sound super creepy, so I should probably preface this with the fact that I am not a pedophile. My favorite illustration is of you in the undies BECAUSE it reminds me of a picture of my sister like that. She's infuriated because my mom just took her church dress away and she's got her fists clenched and her teeth bared. The very picture of child rage. That picture always made me laugh my fool head off. It looks just as adorable in Paint :)

We were really poor one year and so we got costumes from a family friend. My choices were a bumblebee or super man. Now , I am a girly girl fairy princess wannabe but I was afraid of bees, so superman it was. And thus began my reign of super powered terror. I had to return it a few days later, though, so it was short lived.

The things kids can do when certain things arise. I used to do similar things. One minute I'd be watching my mom and the next Im being chased down the hallway by my dad with an indescribable hunger for potato chips.

Lovely story. Do you listen to This American Life? They recently broadcast a story about a kid who gets dancing and tumbling superpowers when she wears a tiger costume. Maybe there's a positive side to all this. http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/506/secret-identity

good-------------------------------------You can also easily seomarts.com Facebook like, Twitter followers, Youtube likes, Article writing, Traffic, graphics design, you do this kind of income can be $ 5 to $ 10. Can. More Details visit http://www.seomarts.com

nice----------------------------------You can also easily seomarts.com Facebook like, Twitter followers, Youtube likes, Article writing, Traffic, graphics design, you do this kind of income can be $ 5 to $ 10. Can. More Details visit http://www.seomarts.com

Halloween is coming up... I just had a moment where I was about to say that I would get a dinosaur costume, because that sounds just super wonderful, but it occurs to me that they might be a little warm for any halloween activities I might participate in that don't involve being outside.

You learned to live as a human?? That's just too wonderful and amazing! So could you please post instructions on same for those of us still crashing around in the darkness? Many thanks in advance (and how the hell do I like your page on FB?).

Can I subscribe to your site now? I did a couple of years ago and never got an email...ever.Maybe you hate me or something, I don't know.That's your problem, though, because I know where to find you and you don't have any idea what planet I reside upon.So there.Laurel

I understand completely. I, too, received super human kid powers when I wore my Wonder Woman styled pillow case cape. I became my hero and helped rid the world of awful things like fried liver, forced copying of letters on those try-lined sheets of paper with a fat pencil (although I still love those pencils for chewing. Very satisfying.), and bedtimes when the sun was still shining.

All it got me was banned from watching Wonder Woman and the Little Rascals. The punishment still burns.