Sometimes you’ve got to give credit where credit’s due: Kim Zolciak makes a gorgeous pregnant woman. I can’t believe I’m starting a story with a genuine compliment. I’ve probably had a stroke. Pray for me? Or at least send a helper monkey.

Kim Zolciak’s babies can finally upgrade their status from ‘tardy to the party’ to ‘arrival at party’ (who’s writing these jokes today, my mom?) because Kim popped out a set of twins this morning. Usually when you’re writing about a former Real Housewife and a set of “new twins” it’s implied you’re referring to a whack tit job. But not this time! This time it’s BABIES!!! Kim and her hot young piece Kroy Biermann announced the birth of a baby girl and a baby boy via Instagram, where she also explained the babies names:

“The twins names are:
Girl: Kaia Rose (After ‘Psychic’ Rose who is like a grandma to me and been a huge part of my life for 13 plus yrs) Also the twins were born on the Rose’s birthday!
Boy: Kane Ren (Ren After my OBGYN who has delivered 5 of the 6 kiddos, who has also been a big part of my life for 12 yrs and we simply adore him).”

This brings their family’s K-name count to 6: along with Kaia and Kane, Kim and Kroy also have sons named Kroy Jr. and Kash Kade. You’re flying dangerously close to the sun with those K-names, Kim. Did you just hear that? It was the sound of Kris Jenner furiously drawing up a cease and desist letter. That, or it was the sound of Kris calling up Bruce and demanding he fuck 4 more babies into her wrinkled womb. “Two can play at this game, bitch! Get ready to meet Kordeila, Krocodile, Kristal, and Kim Kardashian II!”

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