The evolution of monogamy.

I think it’s safe to say that we all are familiar with the fact that there’s an astronomically high divorce rate, constant news stories about which celebrity had an affair with 4,490,986 people this week, couples breaking up, getting back together, fighting, breaking up again, etc…

Yet…our grandparents and some of our parents have been married to the same people for 400 years…what changed?!?!

Is it lack of quality choices in our generations? (referring to 20’s & 30’s…and some 40’s…) That’s what most people chalk it up to. “They don’t make’em like they used to,” and there is probably some truth to this. But let’s examine the ROOTS of this whole monogamous mindset, shall we?

Of course records of marriages go back to the ancient Egyptian days (with the Pharaohs) thousands of years before any of us would’ve known someone who was alive then to tell us about it. But let’s stick with the past few generations so we can get a more realistic outlook on the whole thing.

Let’s talk about the 1930’s, 40’s, and even 50’s. It’s no secret that society as a whole was like a different world – the man “brought home the bacon,” and the woman stayed home and cleaned the picket fence, the Chevy, the dog and the 2.54 kids. The American dream. Nobody got divorced, it wasn’t even an OPTION. BUT – this brings up some interesting ideas. Women, even if they wanted to in these years, couldn’t even get jobs (or at least high enough paying ones to support a family and a house)…once again no surprise there thanks to history class. So, it was pretty much NECESSARY for them to get married. Men were out working all the time, so they could not run a household or raise children in their spare time, and probably wouldn’t anyway because it was a “woman’s job,” so the codependent monogamy was born. Get married, the husband will work, the wife will clean, and you grow old together. That’s all the world ever knew.

What happened? Empowerment, equal opportunity, big salaries…before I get into this PLEASE nobody read this all the wrong way and thinking that I’m being demeaning to women or saying things should go back to the way things were, I am a strong advocate of equality for all. I’m simply stating facts of how things have progressed and the results of it.

What else went up with salaries? Living expenses! So now we’ve got two forces at work with each other, women who can get high paying jobs, and husbands who can’t support a family on their own salary (I’m obviously talking average income, generalizing) – so, the women need to go out and get jobs, and babysitters, etc. Now what happens? Well, instead of the husband having control of the assets and making all the money, EVERYONE can work & make their own money and buy their own stuff…ALSO, the wives are out of the house more working, so the husbands take on their share of raising the kids, etc etc…

Are we seeing where this is all going over the course of a few decades? What’s decreasing? Dependency and reliance on one’s significant others…women can buy their own BMW’s, and husbands can take care of more domestic issues…so other than “love”, couples are being held together by less and less strings.

“Back in the day”, women searched far and long to find a man with a good job, a good future, strong family values, etc. Now, those same women are self-driven, accomplished, and don’t need someone else to fulfill certain areas of their lives that the women of past generations needed. And what’s happening now? The divorce rate is closing in on 70% (doesn’t count everyone who’s cheating), and couples are falling apart.

So, this brings us to a retroactive look at this whole thing…are the generations & quality of mate choices getting worse and worse…OR is the REALISM of monogamy being questioned because the factor of INDEPENDENCE was never in the equation when this institution was born?

Am I saying never get married? No, of course not (well, maybe in some cases…), but IF it’s a choice that someone makes to commit to ONE person for the rest of their lives, it has to be for all the right reasons. This might seem like a simple thing to say, but if everyone followed that little rule, the divorce rate wouldn’t be where it’s at, now would it? Hair and teeth fall out, money can get lost in investments, cars get old…all of the things that attract us to each other in today’s society are fleeting and temporary. These are good for fleeting and temporary relationships, but something of this nature as a FOUNDATION is like trying to float a house on water…there’s no steady ground to keep it together when the waves start to hit. We must go back to CONNECTING with people on a REAL level, this is not just for relationships, it’s for the good of future generations and the WORLD. Future generations need to be strong, solid, smart & educated. The basis and values that many things are based on these days are risky when it comes to securing the upcoming leaders of this, and all countries.

We need to take a step back, don’t let EMOTION or LOGIC make our decisions for us, but emotion AND logic together. This is the only way to have clarity enough of heart and mind to move forward the way we are meant to, rather than overloading one of the two, making them function less efficiently.

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1 Comment

Faithon December 7, 2013 at 10:22 pm

One thing I want to bring up is the difference between equality and equity. I only recently thought about this, because I thought I believed in equality. But that’s not true. I don’t want to be treated as equals to people that I am unequal to. Instead, I want to be treated with fairness. I don’t want to be treated like I discovered the cure for cancer, because I didn’t. Likewise, I don’t want to be treated like a murderer, because I am not one. Instead, I want to be treated and looked on with fairness. Equity, not equality. And this is the issue with women’s rights in my opinion. Yes, if women are performing the SAME job as men, then they should be treated equally and receive the same pay (they are equals). But at the same time, there are some things that women and men are unequal in, and they should not be treated equal in this case. I think that your blog is on point (I am a woman who does believe in women being capable, but also in being respected), but I just thought I may bring this idea to light for thought. The most unfair thing is to treat unequals as equals or to treat equals as unequals. (Try punishing all three of your kids for one of them making a mistake…that is equality, but not fairness)