Sociopath or Narcissist by Darlene Lancer

Sociopathy and psychopathy have often been used interchangeably; however, the former is now referred to “Anti-Social Personality Disorder.” (APD) Personality disorders, including APD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), are enduring, pervasive—affecting a wide range of situations, and are difficult to treat. Signs may be evident by adolescence, but a diagnosis isn’t made until adulthood.

If you’re in an abusive relationship, you may wonder if your partner is a narcissist or sociopath and whether or not the relationship will improve. If so, or if you recently ended such a relationship, it can undermine your self-esteem and ability to trust yourself and others.

Comparing Sociopaths and Malignant Narcissists

A malignant narcissist intensely and/or frequently exhibits all or most of the nine criteria (only five are necessary) for a diagnosis of NPD. They’re more exploitative, vicious, and destructive than other narcissists.

Both sociopaths and malignant narcissists can be charming, intelligent, seductive, and successful. They share similar traits: being unreliable, self-centered, insincere, dishonest, and needing control. Both malignant narcissists and people with APD have an inflated view of themselves and sense of entitlement. Even when they’re abusive, they believe they’re justified and deny responsibility for their behavior. They lack insight, empathy, and emotional responsiveness. Although they might feign appropriate emotional reactions, this is a learned behavior and not sincerely felt. Narcissists, who have fewer and less severe symptoms, along with “narcissistic” people who don’t have full-blown NPD, can have insight, guilt, remorse, and an ability to emotionally connect, as well as love. (See my blog Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Limits with Difficult People to determine if your loved one is capable of change and whether your relationship can improve.)

Differences between Sociopaths and Narcissists

While sociopaths qualify as narcissists, not all narcissists are sociopaths. What drives them differs. But the main distinction is that a sociopath is more cunning and manipulative, because their ego isn’t always at stake. In fact, they don’t have any real personality. They’re the ultimate con-artists and can take on any persona that suits them. Thus, they may be harder to spot, because they’re not trying to impress you or win your approval—unless it serves their agenda. Instead of bragging, their conversation might center on you rather than on themselves, and they can even be self-effacing and apologetic if it serves their goal.

Like premeditated killers, a sociopath is more calculating and might plot and plan an attack months in advance; whereas, a narcissist is more likely to react sooner, using intimidation and lies. Sociopaths are lazier and try to swindle, steal, or exploit others financially, while many narcissists though exploitative, work hard to achieve their aims or perfection. Although both characters may be motivated to win at all costs, narcissists are more interested in what you think of them. They need others’ admiration. This makes them dependent and codependent on others, and actually capable of being manipulated. They’re less likely to divorce their spouse than a sociopath, who might leave or vanish if they’re exposed or don’t get what they want.

Help and Treatment

People with NPD or APD don’t usually seek treatment, unless, in the case of NPD, they’re experiencing severe stress, depression, or their partner insists. Those with APD are sometimes unwillingly court-ordered to therapy, which in itself becomes a hurdle to overcome in terms of trust and receptivity. Therapy should focus on helping them access their feelings and learn from the negative consequences of their behavior.

Many narcissists can improve with treatment, and those who have insight can benefit from psychodynamic psychotherapy. If you suspect you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, learn more about narcissistic relationships and get a checklist of narcissistic behaviors.

Everyone is unique, and people don’t always fit neatly into defined categories. Severe NPD resembles APD, and any differences are really irrelevant. Don’t be concerned with diagnosing, instead, put your energy into healing yourself from trauma or PTSD and codependency. Whether you’re thinking of staying or leaving the relationship, neither will be easy. Focus on gaining awareness, protecting yourself, and getting help and support. Follow the steps in Dealing with a Narcissist to raise your self-esteem and set boundaries. Change and a better life is definitely possible.