Saturday, August 08, 2009

Chi(llin') Evil With Little Hounds

Oh, hai.That's a reflection of me, with uncharacteristically insane hair. It was probably standing on end in terror at the time.

What do *I* have to be afraid of, you wonder?

(cue ominous musical score)

BOOOh I can hear you all now: Ummm, Food Lady? That's not scary. It's a cute little chihuahua.

Yes it is. It is a cute little chihuahua. Named Boo. And Boo gets her name BECAUSE SHE IS SCARY!

See??Boo belongs to my neighbor, and as a special, limited time bonus, she comes with two 100% FREE, that's right I said FREE, hotdogs!These three terrors belong to my neighbor, who's away for the day. Because he hates me, he asked me if I'd look after them for him. "Sure, no problem," I said, "I'll even take them for a walk with my dogs!"

WTF was I thinking?

First of all, I am now officially able to hire myself out as a ranch hand, because I have mastered the art of lassoing recalcitrant animals with bad tempers. There was no way on doG's green earth that Boo was going to let me touch her, which she made very clear by showing me 6 times the number of (sharp, pointy) teeth a normal dog has, and throwing in a rumble like a freight train as a bonus. I had to rope her to get her to come out the door with me!

May I remind you:Once I calf-roped her into a slip lead, I then had to contend with the hotdogs. (WienerTwins, ACTIVATE!) They scattered to the 4 corners of the parking garage when I tried to convince them to get into my car.

"You're not the boss of me! You're not my real dad!" etc.

You suck. I used my big human brain to remember I was packing salmon cookies and I lured them to my car like a pedophile reels in school children. Then I had to tackle them so I could carefully hoist them into what they told me was far too high a vehicle to hop into.

Success!At the park, things were no better. Boo had managed to wiggle out of her slip lead in the car, and exploded from the crate the second I opened it, which then lead to a lengthy chase around the parking lot until I could lasso her again. I tell you, I was |thisclose| to leaving her there and just going home. *shakes fist at Boo*

And then there were the wieners.

I want to go this way.Tough shit. I want to go this way.Just kidding. Sort of.

Once we were at the park, Boo decided she liked me just fine. She was especially fond of my treat pouch.

Don't flirt with me, Boo. I know what you're capable of!Mr. Woo, otoh, she was considerably less fond of.

Here's Mr. Woo pretending Boo is not about to bite him. Which, incidentally, was not a successful strategy.I had to talk Woo down, to prevent him from stabbing her to death with the nearest handy implement.

Piper helped me hold him back.

Let me at 'er! I'll tear to pieces, I say, I'll shred her like lettuce!Tweed thought walking at wiener pace was boring as anything.But we didn't have much choice, because we were actually going slow for Her Royal Gimpiness, who is suffering from ball-related skinned-off paw pads.

Ouch :(Can you carry me? My feetses hurts.Wait, are you carrying four legged peoples? Hey, you, I'm talking to you ... down here!Tweed, would you please get these wiener dogs out of my hair ... err, shoelaces?

*sigh* Yeah, okay. Come on, wieners.

The Pied Piper Of Hotdogs.Ironically, it's not Piper.I hate the stupid Food Lady. Maybe I should just kill myself right here, right now, in this pond.Nah. Forget it. Let's just go home.Then Piper sounded the alarm.

Dogs to arms! Six whippets approach us from the left!And guess who came scuttling to me for protection as fast as their chubby little legs could propel them??*struts* That's right. Who's got the power now, suckas??

You may have won this round, but we shall meet again, Food Lady. And victory will be mine.Count your blessings, dear readers. You don't always realize how many you have to gather in your arms. I may be jobless, and I may be very poor, but I have the most amazing and wonderful friends who do the most incredible things for me. You know who you are!

Also, you should count your blessings, because you don't live with Boo!

Thanks for the full on belly laughs!! I know those three pups... the twins.. sweethearts. Boo Schizophrenic... sweet is one of the personalities. I have two hot dogs myself... angels in silly looking bodies.

Great post. I particularly enjoyed the first photo:) As for Chihuahuas, there was a little terror living in the first building I lived in, in Vancouver. My dog, Scott, used to roll his eyes every time we met. When I adopted Black Jack, I resisted for a long time, all suggestions that she had such ancestry in her, but honestly, if she indeed is part Chihuahua, then maybe there is hope for the breed:) As for hotdogs, another building and another horror story. Hm...

I left my brains up in the Colorado Rockies this weekend, because I can't find the "email me" option, so I'm going through your comments box.

Anyway, I just wanted to suggest that you look into joining Passion Parties as a way out of the joblessness. I've been doing this for almost 2 years now and half the reason I joined was so I could spend more time with my dogs and my camera.

Check out my website www.loveyourpassion.com to get an idea of our products and myself and then look at www.passionpartiescareer.com. Username: passionatepassword: aboutmyfuture

I would love to talk with you further! Feel free to call me anytime at 303-250-4385!

As can be seen by the comments to this post, Chihuahuas tend to have a bad reputation. I do get upset when people start bashing the breed and calling them monsters for real, because I have one and she is an absolute angel. You can ask any vet that has ever met her. Yes, this breed has "hope" because again, it depends on the trainer. It's one of those things where it probably doesn't get to you unless you're owned by one.

Anyway. Do both your neighbor's Doxies have good recall? I am always afraid of letting small dogs off-leash in fear that they'll take off and never come back and it'll be extra hard to find them because of their size. I suppose Boo didn't go off-leash? LOL.

More Photos of My Dogs

Because, well, really

What People Think of Three Woofs And A Woo

i don't want you to go back to work, either, because i imagine this means you won't be updating your blog quite as often! :(

waaaah! :*(

(i admit it, i am addicted to your blog - i always have it open on a tab in my Firefox window.)"

-MahnaMahna

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"you are obviously a very engaging writer, you take great pics, and your dogs... well words barely describe their wonder... have you ever thought about taking these antics and making them into childrens books. Something to the idea of 3 woofs and a woo: fifa goes missing. Or 3 woofs and a woo: look out hollywood. Just a thought."

- SweetCeana

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"RDM, you get some of the greatest photos EVER. Just love looking at your blog pics - my enjoyment is much enhanced by your commentary, naturally, but the pics would certainly be enough on their own!"

- AK Dog Doc----------------

"Finally, on your blog there is a spot to look at all the wonderful Woo shots. aaahhhh. beautiful."

-- Kat's Dogs

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"Just wanted to say hi! and confess that I have become addicted to Three Woofs and a Woo. It's true. I have begun recommending it to my fellow dog cult members at the dog park. I am working from home right now, transcribing research interviews, and I use 3W&W as my break time."

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May a dog pee upon any person who steals, borrows or uses my photos or text without permission!