Thousands of Australians Signed Up For a Barbecue Just to Fuck With Annoying Vegan Neighbor

I love Australia because the Australian people are some of the best people in the world. They prove it over and over again by doing things like sending a single can of beer through the checked baggage at airport or airing Get Krack!n, one of the funniest TV shows to ever air anywhere in the world.

The Aussies are at it again, proving that they should be our closest political ally instead of the UK or Israel.

Our story begins with an annoying vegan woman. We’ve all met one of these people. There’s nothing actually wrong with being vegan, except basically all vegans are inherently annoying and just won’t shut up about it. An entire volume of the comic Scott Pilgrim, the basis of the movie Scott Pilgrim vs The World, was based on someone having superpowers from being vegan because author Bryan Lee O’Malley found it amusing that vegans always talk about it as if it gives them superpowers.

The other type of vegan is the one who tells you how evil you are for eating meat. That’s the type of vegan Cilla Carden is. In fact, she sued her neighbors for grilling meat and playing basketball. And she took the case all the way to the Australian Supreme Court.

“It’s been devastating, it’s been turmoil, it’s been unrest, I haven’t been able to sleep,” she said.

Just based on that one sentence I hate this woman. Don’t you? She seems like the type who is likely to show up in the comments complaining about my poor journalism, so I’m going to reply proactively: “I don’t care, I’m an opinion writer, not a journalist, and my opinion is you’re an asshole.”

She also claimed to the court that her neighbors barbecuing and playing sports was done “deliberately,” presumably to harass her. The court threw her case and her appeal out because of course they did, she took her neighbors to court for grilling in their back yard in a country that has cookouts on Election Day at every polling place.

Seven thousand people have said they’ll be in attendance for the event, which will be held in on the lawns of participating neighbors and have food trucks parked in their driveways. And no vegans are invited.