Sunday, July 25, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 58-59

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Now, let us commence.

Episode 58

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Boring things are happening.

Hernan is there cooking breakfast: pancakes/hotcakes. He's wearing a very big and dorky looking apron and seems to have no clue of what he's doing.

You know, in the more recent episodes Hernan has actually become more interesting, specially as his relationships with the other characters develop. But, at this point in the show, he's still very much sleep inducing and therefore makes the other characters boring by association.

Meaning: I'm bored with this scene.

Anyhoo.

Mariana comes in and asks him what he's doing. Wait, did he just walk in and start cooking in someone else's kitchen without asking for permission? This guey has no bounderies, and no, I do not find the effort sweet. What if he walks in on the girls fucking or something? Not cool. Mariana, for the love of God, start locking those doors already, geez.

My girl doesn't mind the violation of privacy, as she very often is not bothered or disturbed by many things I find disrespectful since she's a fictional character who, as the story develops, becomes more and more passive, unfortunately. What she does is get into doctor mode and scolds Utopio, who actually is a doctor, about his diet and how much butter he's using because a man his age needs to take care of himself, bla,bla, bla.

Yawn.

Doc-riana (doctor+Mariana) asks him about his health, then. She's worried he might've wanted to meet her because he's dying. Utopio assures her he's fine and that good health runs in their family.

Julia walks in wearing one of those ugly ass head bands, and the trio sits down for breakfast (tequila!).

Since they hate me, the three keep bonding over breakfast and start talking about their childhoods over at Aparicio Central. Julia says Mariana used to be a difficult, rebellious child who cheated at their games. Considering how immature and fickle you're now, I don't even want to know how you were then, Julia.

They bond some more and Mariana denies being a cheater: she was a winner at everything growing up.

Whatever.

Eventually Utopio leaves and Julia's phone rings.

See how ugly that thing is?

It's the casting people: they got the jobs!

TV lot. Day.

Julia's all excited about getting the part and about all the future opportunities it will bring. Mariana, well, not so much. That dude's nonexistent beard left her scarred for life, I suppose, since she's still whining about it.

The girls run into a woman called Leti, who I assume is a producer or the casting director. She calls Julia, 'Juliana' (thanks for the shout out, writers) and tells her she needs to come sign her contract. Apparently the director loved her work and wants to sign her right away.

Are you sure it wasn't her ass that he loved? Because all we saw in the casting was her standing there looking like a deer caught in headlights. I don't know, maybe there was more to it.

Leti asks Julia if Mariana's her personal assistant, (huh! oh no she didn't! ) and Julia tells her that she's her loyal subject...um , I mean, her friend Mariana, who was also cast.

The woman checks and it turns out whoever called them made a mistake: Mariana wasn't chosen.

Mariana is somewhat indifferent.

Julia, however, is not pleased. She's outraged and actually starts to say she's not gonna take the role without Mariana. But Saint Mariana, being the awesome girlfriend she is, shuts her up and encourages her to go for it. She tells Julia that it's a great opportunity for her and not to worry, she (Mariana) will get hers someday too and they'll have other chances to work together.

Have I said that I want to marry this woman?

They flirt a bit, but then Herpes walks in.

My explanation: he's stalking them using high tech GPS tracking devices he's put in Julia's ulgy head bands and Mariana's trusty cowgirl boots. An easy task, given that Mariana's house is like a Seven Eleven: open for all 24/7.

His explanation: he went over there to offer his services to the station as a football commentator, but they don't even want him for that, proving to him that he's completely worthless and that his career is over.

Shall we bring out the sad violin for him just now?

My future wife shares my indifference about it and seems annoyed that he's there, but of course Julia's sympathetic towards him. She tries to cheer him up and tells him to not let himself get down.

When she can't take the whining any longer, Mariana starts to walk away to get Julia's scripts, but Armando stops her and apologizes to them both for being as inssuferable as he's been with the two of them: they don't deserve it. He walks away and Julia looks at him like she bought it.

Since it's still the same day, Julia is still wearing the ugly head band and is apparently studying the scripts for her gig.

It looks as if she's having trouble concentrating, which doesn't shock me considering this is Julia Aparicio, whose head has to be one scary mess.

Mariana walks in and Julia tells her she's not doing so good: she can't concentrate because she feels sooo bad and weird about doing this without Mariana and about Assmando showing up.

Ooookaaayyy, that makes you feel bad, but not kissing Herpes and hiding it from Mariana?

I think the Queen just likes attention.

Her cool girlfriend reminds her that she already signed the contract, she can't back out now. Besides, as friends they were always together, but, as girlfriends, now they have to encourage each other to do their own thing too.

Mmm...um, sorry, what? Got distracted by Marianita's boobs.

Anyway, later that day, Mariana's on her laptop watching more war videos and Julia's on the bed reading that script about the three-way that I just know it's gonna put horrible ideas in her little head.

Mariana's Loft. Night.

Mariana and Hernan are cooking together.

Augh, again? All this bonding, God.

She tells him she's been watching videos about the war at El Salvador to understand him better. It made her realize that she believes so profoundly in the freedom and right to love, in an Utopian world where there's no homophobia, that she would be willing go up in arms and go till the end to defend that ideal.

Meanwhile, Julia's sleeping on Mariana's bed, did Hernan bore her to sleep, even from afar?

She's drooling all over her script and dreaming horrible, horrible things.

I just threw up a little.

Didn't I say the freaking gig would put ideas in her head? Auuughhh.

Julia wakes up, startled, as does Armando back at his cave.

What. The. Hell?

Are these two telepathic now? United in their souls by their desire to fuck?

Did I say augh, already?

He almost calls her, but stops himself.

Augh.

Later that night, Mariana wakes Julia up, who's drooling all over her script again.

Since these people keep proving to me that they are NOT like me at ALL, the first thing Julia does when she wakes up is tell Mariana about the erotic dream she just had with her boyfriend.

Ay, Julia.

MEC tells her she had a dream, and Mariana, in true Mariana fashion, guesses that Armando was there. Julia tells her that yes, he was there, but so was she (Mariana).

Mariana: No. A threesome? With that guey?Julia: Stop, Mariana.Mariana: Was it good?

No, Mariana, not good. Not good at all. Don't joke about it with her! Don't you know Julia? Don't you know she's gonna start wanting it for real in two seconds?

Ay, Mariana.

Mari jokes around some more, about how if she has to have a threesome with Julia's ex, it better have been a great erotic dream. MEC says that she feels guilty, but Little Miss Perfect GF assures her that it's okay, she understands it's hard to get an ex out of one's subconscious, specially an ex who's still very much in her life.

Mariana! Are you nuts? Maybe for a normal person it might work like that, but not for Julia Aparicio, guey. God, you're killing me here.

She goes on to say she too sometimes dreams about Dany, her ex, only not in terms of a threesome with Julia.

Julia jokingly scolds her that she can't dream about Dany without her (Julia) present in the dream, too.

Mariana: But if you're there then it's okay?Julia: Maybe.Mariana: Well, in that case, let's go to sleep, mamacita, cause I'm liking that dream!

They kiss and giggle and it's all okay.

Fools, these two, blind fools.

Later that night, as Nana's voice over talks about temptation, the girls cuddle, but Julia's mind is far away....

And you know what? I'm sick and tired of seeing these three in bed together, gueys. Julia's fantasy, Armando's fantasy, the promotional bit in between commercial breaks.....

STOP IT.

We see it more often than just the girls in bed together, which is soo wrong.

And goddamn it, there's Armando's buttcrack again!

Ew.

Tonight I leave you with.....

........Nana fondling Rafaela's boob looking for lumps! So you too can be as disturbed as I was!