What if, every Monday morning, whether you were spending the weekend living it up or partying down, you could have all of your pop culture news in one place? What if there was more to your weekend than bright nights and hazy mornings? What if you could be caught up on your television, film, and music news all at once, with a little Northwestern thrown in for good measure? This is the Monday Morning Hangover.

Because I take my job seriously, I feel obligated to tell you guys that Justin Bieber dropped a new single this week. It is called “Hard 2 Face Reality,” and I did not bother listening to it, but it is here, if you still identify with the 2009 version of yourself. It features a rapper called Poo Bear, who has just topped the unofficial power rankings of Worst Emcee Names of All Time. Juicy J is somewhere up there too (sounds like a stripper), and so is Timbaland (a shoe—a clear sign of the creative team phoning it in).

Also worth mentioning is how Mariah Carey announced that she would be releasing a secret album. Nothing about that announcement makes any sense. This is what I was talking about last week with the whole “surprise announcements suck now” paragraph. This surprise announcement sucks. The prosecutor rests.

Drake lint-rolled his pants while sitting courtside at a Raptors game. I am not sure exactly why this is funny, but I do know that this is definitely something that can be described as Drake-y. Drake-esque, if you will. In any case, I dig the lifestyle.

Finally, DJ Rashad, a local Chicago music producer and DJ, was found dead this weekend at 35. He was doing a lot of work with Chance the Rapper, coincidentally, and was a huge ambassador for dance and footwork. He was an old-school guy who thought toward the new-school. His death is a tough loss for the local music scene.

Television

A big war for viewership occurred Sunday night, when Mad Men lined up directly against Jim Gaffigan’s new special Obsessed. To me, you clearly go with Mad Men, but if we are being honest here, none of this matters because in this age of piracy and Internet streaming, you will be able to watch both of these within hours of air time.

Movies

Cameron Diaz and Co. took number one at the box office this weekend, finally dethroning Captain America with their girls-take-revenge-on-the-dude flick The Other Woman. Rotten Tomatoes says it sucked, and to me, it raises this question: can Cameron Diaz carry a movie? She has not really had a solid leading role since Gangs of New York in 2002 (sorry, Shrek people, but the chemistry between Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy is why you see thoses movies, not Cameron Diaz), and even in Gangs, she was easily the worst thing about that movie (up against Daniel Day-Lewis and Leo DiCaprio, but still). On the old Tomato-meter, her last “Certified Fresh” movie came way back in 2007, with the obscure Who is Norman Lloyd?, and that was a documentary! You have to go back to 2005’s In Her Shoes to find her last solid movie. That is an amazing run of futility. When you cannot make even a halfway decent movie in nearly a decade, it means you cannot carry a movie. Sorry, Cameron.

Trailer of the Week goes to a documentary: the Mike Myers directed Supermensch, about legendary music manager/Hollywood insider Shep Gordon. What makes it appealing is its sheer amount of celebrity sources. It is apparent right away that this guy was able to reach a ton of big names in a very real, personable way. Plus, you have Mike Myers’ debut behind the camera. As a documentary nut, I think this looks fascinating.

Finally, there will be a movie based on the Roald Dahl classic The BFG. Steven Spielberg is directing, and he will be alongside Melisa Mathison, his screenwriter from E.T. Personally, I am still waiting for a real, scary-as-it-should-be adaptation of The Witches, but hey, that has always been one of the more underappreciated Dahl books.