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Men in the SBC

In a move to counter the mounting criticism that Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and its president, Paige Patterson, have received on account of the “homemaking degree,” offered through the seminary’s undergraduate program, the Fort Worth school has now authorized the development of a supplementary degree concentration in Christian Husbandry.

The new degree, which will launch this fall, will further serve the school’s mission to equip Southern Baptist churches to reclaim the Christian home as a counter-cultural weapon against un-biblical family paradigms.

With elective course offerings in lawnmowing, hedgetrimming, weedeating, and fire-ant prevention, Southwestern’s husbandry degree will achieve Patterson’s objective to make the seminary a premier center for theological education in America.

“The Bible is replete with exhortations for men who seek to fulfill their God-given commission as the leaders of their households,” Patterson said. “Southwestern Seminary will spare no effort — we will spend every last dime of convention money, if necessary — to preserve and protect the biblical roles of Christian men.”

The 23-hour concentration will require three hours of archery, sharpshooting, and gun safety complete with a taxidermy lab, four hours of marinade preparation and outdoor grilling, a seminar in automotive maintenance and repair, and a two hour course in corporal punishment techniques. Only male students will be allowed to enroll.

Southwestern Seminary’s dean of husbandry studies, Rev. Dean Nichols, has high hopes for the program’s success.

“We’re not going to tolerate Christian men who don’t know how to change a tire or baste a rack of ribs,” Nichols growled. “Southern Baptist churches will have confidence that preachers coming out of Southwestern Seminary can keep the church bus running, keep the baptistry pump working, and still prepare sermons for Sunday meeting.”

Nichols serves concurrently as the faculty sponsor for Southwestern Seminary’s student organization, The Royal Society of the Deer Pants.

Having watched FTE enrollment drop below 2000 for the first time in decades, Patterson hopes the paired programs of homemaking and husbandry will plug the drain of student attrition. A simultaneous wild game dinner and British tea is planned for the Fall semester to profile the new degree concentrations.

In related news, SWBTS President Paige Patterson has announced a new capital improvement campaign to fund construction of facilities to house the Ted Nugent School of Biblical Husbandry.

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