04 Jan Why I Left My New Year’s Eve Party To Masturbate Solo

To ring in the New Year the most honest way I know how.

If you know me in real life or we’ve met or spent any real amount of time together, I’ve probably definitely talked about masturbation and penises at some point. In fact, even if you don’t know me and just read this blog or look at my tumblr or listen to me ramble on twitter, you know that my fascination with penis is long and genuine. But I don’t know if I talk enough about why that is. There’s this post where I offered some tumblrs for guys who wanted to explore penising more, and I explained a little bit of my ‘I’m not gay like you’re gay’ worldview. But overall, I don’t think I’ve laid out why I’m so fixated on this particular aspect of human sexuality. I don’t know if I’m able to, really, but I’m going to try this year.

Last Thursday night I was cajoled into going to a New Year’s party out in Brooklyn at some friends of friends because for the first time in years, I didn’t have NYE sex plans. Often times I’m at a group event or with a friend and spend the last moments of the old year and first moments of the new one with a big dick in my mouth like god intended. But with no sexual itinerary to speak of, I was left without an excuse and got trapped into “oh, gosh, of course I’ll come to your party!” Which was fine, I guess. It was a nice evening, I didn’t know 80% of the people there, and I didn’t feel any pressure to be ‘on,’ which is frequently my social undoing. Or at least the reason I don’t enjoy big events.

Yet, there was some small part of my brain that was going “why are we here? Why aren’t we home with no pants on and the Penis swinging freely?” from about 8pm on forward. Eventually, it occurred to me that the bulk of this party was couples, and midnight was going to be here soon, and I was going to have to kiss someone and I didn’t plan for kissing someone, so it would probably just be someone I was physically near to and the more I looked at these people, the less even being in this apartment appealed to me, and oh my god why was I even here how do I escape someone come get me!

So I got up, got my coat, thanked the host and his wife, and walked out the door at 11pm.

It was the first night in weeks that was anything close to cold and I was glad for it. It was New Year’s Eve and I was way the hell out in Brooklyn, so taxis were a disappointing joke, but Uber came to my rescue and had me back in my doorway by 11:45. I had an erection pretty much the whole way home, so it was a relief to get back inside and take my penis out. I didn’t have any real idea that I was leaving the party to masturbate when it actually happened, but I knew once I was home that that’s how I really wanted to spend the last fifteen minutes of 2015. I stripped, grabbed my albolene, and plopped down in front of the screen. A quick sign in to bateworld and xtube and my big uncut cock began leaking approval.

I managed to restrain myself and came only twice (12:01 and 12:09, respectively), since I knew there’d be a Jacks party the very next day, and sat back in my chair to think about what it meant (a thing I do sometimes to make sure I’m not settling into behaviors that might be detrimental, long term). There was some part of my brain that thought it was sad that I left a social situation to be alone and stimulating myself sexually when I had the option of finding someone to do it with.

But another part of my brain, that was less wrapped up in social norms and coupling behavior, thought something different: “I just did exactly the thing I wanted to do for New Year’s Eve. I didn’t let peer pressure or society or any of the other BS social stuff dictate for me. I came home to pleasure my penis and ejaculated just for me. Not to show off, or ‘be sexy.’ But because that’s what I wanted.”

And that felt really good.

2016 is going to be about listening more to that part of my brain. The part that wants to paint a veneer of “awww, sad times!” over things because they aren’t “coupling,” or “domesticating,” or “regular,” is going to be put in its place more often, and the part that knows what my body needs is going to be promoted.

I hope you guys get what you want in 2016, and if you aren’t getting it, that you think about why that is. I’d love to discuss it with you over albo and boners sometime.

You sound like a really awesome dude. I’ve been binge reading your articles and I can see where you’re coming from. I would love to have a conversation with you. I’m 25, live in Newport Beach (about an hour south of Los Angeles) and feel like I have to conform to those social normatives with being a gay male. I’m not small (about 7 but sometimes it gets bigger the longer I’m hard) and people make me feel like I have to hook up all the time because they would if they had my dick. If you’re up for a… Read more »

Wow! Thanks Brian. That’s really amazing of you to say! I have definitely been afraid of doing stuff (especially group stuff) by myself. All I can say about that is that I’ve never had an experience that I wished I had avoided, after it was over. You know? You’re never gonna be the weirdest/youngest/oldest/fattest/fittest/hottest/ugliest guy in attendance. If group stuff isn’t your bag, I promise there are other guys who like what you like. Bateworld.com has been really great for opening my eyes to that sort of thing. It’s definitely worth checking out. ‘Social norms’ get less and less interesting… Read more »

[…] What people mistake sometimes, though, is that it’s ok to wait till I’m in town to book time with me. This has lead to some confusion and hurt feelings in the past. If I’m coming up on my departure date, and I haven’t heard from anyone in the destination city, it’s not out of the question that I’ll cancel my plans and just stay home and read (pronounced: masturbate). […]