I called this triathlon shop this morning trying to hire a wetsuit for the triathlon season. This woman asks me for my measurements: weight, height, chest size. Chest Size? “Yes, what size suit jacket do you wear”.

“I have no idea”.

She needs my chest size, so I promise to measure it over the weekend. She tells me not to puff out my chest. No posturing. “Ok”. I tell her what she really needs is a gut size, but she disagrees.

“Wetsuits are great for sucking in the gut”, she tells me – and this is true, that its good to wear a wetsuit under a dress, works like a corset.

Keeps everything in place.

I wont be able to look at a woman in a cocktail dress in the same way again.