Sooooo, I have not written in a very long time. And that is because I have been eating.

Last Nov/December I had started on a re-freshed weight loss effort. My motivation was my friend’s wedding where I was going to be a bridesmaid. I deliberately sent measurements that were an inch less than the real ones to force me to lose weight. If i was fat, I woudn’t be able to fit into the dress.

I did very well by going down from 91.2kg to 87.2kg.

BUT! I ended up not being able to go for the wedding because of finances.

PLUS, December happened.

So, I have re-gained it all… well, I was 90.2 this morning 😦

The Goal

I would like to lose 10kgs by 30 April 2017 – 3.5 months from now

Part 1: I want to drop 5kgs first. This needs to happen by 15 February – About a month from now. This equates to about 1kg per week. And I believe it is possible as I have done it before.

Part 2: After the first 5kg is done, I will work towards the other 5kgs. I know it will be harder, that’s why I am giving myself more time to get rid of it.

I am hoping that by 30 April, I would have adopted healthier eating habits, smaller portions and more exercise.

The 2017 Plan

To fight the fat, I am going to eat less. My new job makes that very possible. I am too far from any shops and so, can’t just go out the door for a quick snack.

Whatever I bring from home is all I can eat.

I don’t eat breakfast anymore. I only have lunch at 12pm. Usually I will have 3 or 4 slices of bread with tomato, ham and slice of cheese. And then not eat anything until I have supper at home.

Yesterday I was bad and spent waaaay too much money on a piece of carrot cake from the coffee shop downstairs. That won’t be happening again because it is a waste of money and I ALWAYS feel bad when I eat like that.

One thing I need to learn how to do is to portion control dinner. Because my last meal was at lunch, I find myself eating way too much at supper.

Last week I did ok with regards to this “diet”, but had potato chips and other stuff. The weekend I binged quite a bit – IT WAS BAD. Wolfing down 8 KFC wings + a big packet of potato chips is not normal.

I want to start running.. even if it is for 10 minutes. That’s where the challenge is going to be.

I’ve been avoiding writing, because I have been avoiding accountability for my actions. For some strange reason I have been believing that I am going to lose weight and come back to write about my amazing success story.

This has not happened. The opposite has happened and I think it is because I have been running away from facing my reality… which is that I’ve been slipping back into my old ways.

I had been drinking a lot more than usual (a couple of bottles during the week, 1 bottle on Friday, 2 bottles on Saturday, Beers on Sunday).

I have also developed a taste for mid-afternoon chocolate (Cudbary Caramel)…

Since last Saturday, I decided to quit alcohol all together for a month (to see if it’ll influence my weight-loss efforts). I managed to be alcohol free until Friday, when I had one glass of red wine, then had 2 glasses of white on Saturday evening, one glass of white on Sunday afternoon, then one glass on Monday afternoon (basically I had one bottle over a period of 3 days, as opposed to 1 bottle over a period of 3 hours).

I have just read my last two blog posts, and I have not achieved any of the goals I set for myself. I did not lose 3kgs before my birthday, which was 6 weeks ago. My weight has basically remained stagnant.

I have tried to avoid making my weight the centre of my world. I have also avoided stepping on the scale obsessively every morning like I used to so that I develop a “healthy” sense of self and existence.

This has not worked. By taking my eye off the ball, I have gained weight.

I have reset the weight loss button. I know what has worked for me in the past, and I know what needs to happen for me to lose weight.

It is time to be more accountable, watch what I eat, welcome the guilt that comes with bad food options, be proud of having a day of clean eating, and begin exercise… even if it’s just 10 minutes.

You know how they say binge eating is cause by emotional problems? And I’ve never considered myself a person with emotional problems…. I’m not grieving, I haven’t broken up with anyone, I’m not depressed etc.

However, I am unhappy about work. Not the actual job itself, but I’m frustrated about my salary. I don’t want to earn more money, I NEEEEEED to earn more money. I can’t afford anything (except for food… ironically) right now and it’s frustrating.

When I was content, I could wholeheartedly concentrate on my weight loss goals and changing my mindset towards food and exercise.

Right now I feel as if I have a lot on my mind and food helps me quiet down the voices and numb the feelings of anxiety I have about the future.

I was hoping to be well on my way to saving up for a trip to Europe next year… but I don’t have enough money to be putting into savings for a trip to Zim this December, let alone a trip to Europe.

I feel like I’m floating in nothing-ness and don’t know how to jump onto the next ship and sail to contentment…. I feel stuck.

Obviously, I could job hunt and look for something else, but it’s not so easy(there aren’t a lot of positions available for me at the moment).

Anyway, I stepped on the scale and saw what I was expecting…92.0kg. I’m not surprised considering the type of weekend I had.

I had FOUR pieces of KFC chicken and wine on Friday night. Saturday my beloved boyfriend decided we were gonna have pizza for lunch (I didn’t protest because I wasn’t in the mood to argue… and I didn’t have an alternative to suggest anyway).

Saturday evening I has some more of the left over pizza from the afternoon… with wine… then began snacking on pop corn, potato chips (with dip) and cake… in between many sips of wine. I had friends over at my place and hence the reason I “let myself go”

Sunday I woke up feeling like shit and really felt like having a veggie type of meal. I needed to get food at the shops because I had nothing in the house. I ended up getting a meal special with macaroni cheese and a broccoli and cauliflower bake and chicken nuggets. I also got some roasted chicken.

I ate half the portion of the mac & cheese and broccoli bake and some chicken thigh + drumstick.

I slept all afternoon, then had a snack of crackers and cream cheese. I have no idea how much I ate… There wasn’t much cream cheese left…about 2 tablespoons or so.

Dinner, I fried spinach with beef and had it with the left over mac & cheese and broccoli bake. And just before bed, I had a drumstick because I’m greedy.

Anyway, today is a new day. As I said in my previous blog, I’d like to lose 3kgs by my birthday on 6 July. I have 4 weeks to achieve this. It sounds easy enough in my head… but doing it is another story.

Today I am definitely walking home, and I will go on a quick 10 -15 minute run.

Spark People has an exercise challenge to workout EVERYDAY throughout November, before the holidays begin.

I decided to join this challenge yesterday, and decided to start NOW. November is only a couple of days away, and what better time to start than now?

I went to the gym yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t a crazy session, but we all know some exercise is better than none.

Today I didn’t go to the gym, but I will be walking home. I would like to include walks home as part of my “Fit2Feast” routine. If I get some extra exercise on top of that, then yippee!

I will create a large Calendar for my bedroom wall. On it, I will put a big RED X on days I have exercised. I think it will help me stay focused. I need to always remind myself that some exercise is better than none.

I’ve been eating very well and consistently. Breakfast of toast with marmalade or peanut butter; Lunch of mixed veggies with a boiled egg; then a normal dinner, but with half the portions I used to have.

I feel as if I am making some progress in my weight loss efforts. It’s been suuuuch a struggle for me. A lot of ups and downs. The heaviest I got this year was 91.5 kg. At some point I managed to go down to 88.7kg, then it all came back again.

Today, for the 1st time in over a month, I weighed myself and was 89.5kg. I was so excited!!! It was better than I’d been hoping for. Next week Wednesday, I’d like to see another kilo down.

It just works out better for me. The mornings, I can’t wake up, and in the evenings, I prefer making dinner then sitting in front of the tv.

On very rare occasions I will suit up and go for a run after work… but it is rare. If I can develop a habit of hitting the tar everyday after work… I think that would go a long way.

I am yet to discover WHERE, oh, WHERE CAN I GET THE MOTIVATION TO GO FOR AN EVENING RUN??????

There was a time when I decided to bring my running kit to work and change into it at home time. Then I would walk home, and simply drop my bag before going for a run.

Should I go back to that???

Today will be the test for that. I have my gym bag, so will change, walk home, then go for a run.

I really wish there was a dedicated running route around my neighbourhood. Right now I have to run on the sidewalk, which isn’t very wide and is uneven because of big tree roots looking for freedom.

Choosing a route isn’t hard…

Also, I am yet to get running pants with pockets. (I did get a pair, but couldn’t fit into it. ). That way I can put my phone in the pockets when I run so that I listen to audio books.

Also, I want to take out those running pants I mentioned before and pin them onto my bedroom wall as a reminder that I want to fit into them by December 8 2014!!! (I’d actually forgotten about this goal, haha)

Anyway, will try it out do it today!!!

I want to go for a run EVERYDAY this week… from today to Friday.

As a way of being committed, I will take a pic of me before and after a run and post is everyday…

I wish I had no-brainer motivation to go to the gym or even go for a run.

I wish it was as automatic as waking up and brushing my teeth every morning.

I do not feel human until I have brushed my teeth.

I wish I could stop wishing and just do it!

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, and I guess it also takes 21 days to form a habit?

I could set a challenge for myself and go for a run everyday for the next 3 weeks…. it is very possible.

However, getting off that couch or out of that bed is a totally different story.

Maybe I should buy myself an MP3 player and upload crazy awesome run-to music???

Right now it’s raining, so I ain’t going to the gym…

Tomorrow is going to be raining even harder…

sigh.

However, I have been eating well so far this week… Between Monday and Friday, I eat quite well…. However, the weekend is still the death of me… It’s actually gotten worse. So I will need to develop a plan of action for the weekend…

I used to run when I was in school… I was actually a sprinter and did horribly in longer distance races, though.

But I loved the feeling of running, and I still do on the rare occasions that I do run these days.

My major challenge when it comes to running it simply leaving the house to start the run. There have been occasions when I have changed into my running gear and have decided not to leave the house. Simple as that. I will decide “nah.”, then change back to my pj’s and sit to watch t.v.

Now that winter is headed towards its death, and summer is on its way, I would like to wake up and simply go for a run. Nice simple 20 or 30 minutes….EVERYDAY!!! well, at least on Mon, Wed and Fri… (I’m trying to be realistic here)

I loooooove my sleep, but the last few days, I’ve been waking up at 7am and thinking to myself, wouldn’t it be nice if you went for a run?? The I pull my covers over my head and sleep some more.

But, I seriously think it would benefit me greatly if I went for a run… either in the morning or the evening.

The evening is more realistic, to be honest, but I’d like to get it over with in the morning.

I WANT TO BECOME A RUNNER!!! and I am going to start today after work!!!!