Next Time, At Least Bring Wine

At a Glance

It promts, "Tell people a little about yourself." Cards on the table...I have Bipolar...in spades! I also have this cat I love. An orange tabby named Richard Parker (lifted from the novel and movie "Life of Pi.") I mention him first because he loves me, and I love him with an unconditional love. He is wonderful therapy, and often knows what is going on with me before I do. I have a beautiful son, and a husband who is a minister, currently serving as a chaplain for a hospice organization. I'm into this adult coloring. I am always reading. Novels, comics, magazine articles, devotionals and the Bible. I listen to books as well. I love my Kindle Fire. I'm a caretaker for my mom. That one is a long story that will unfold here. I adore song birds and beautiful colored birds. I love zoos and aquariums. Museums, too. However, I have many physical issues holding me back now. That story will be another that unfolds. I love water. So glad I live near a river. Oceans, waterfalls, rain, and I even visited Niagara Falls, flying overhead in a helicopter. I did the latter with a dear friend who I eventually ended up losing because of a crappy manic spell, during which I was apparently a crummy person and friend. That has happened a lot. I think I'm getting better about that because I'm opening up more. I'm working on becoming more vulnerable, transparent and real. This has scared people off, but the ones who stay around, those lovlies have been solid friendships for years.
"Tell people a little about yourself" it prompts. There isn't anything little about me. Even when I was a kid, young, "little" girl, so much lurking, menacing. I think I've been Bipolar forever. I wasn't diagnosed until 2004, however. This was after a terrible manic, psychotic breakdown. In front of my husband. In front of my three year old son. In all of my life, I'll never know what that did to them.
This blog will have two authors. Hopefully three. Depressed, Hypo/Manic. And the third is the self who tries to remain stable, level and walking the line. I hope to share something that might help someone. I look forward to talking with folks, if they so wish. I want people to become educated. I've got a lot I want to do, and I'm sure this will become more and more tailored.
Thanks if you decide to join me in the this journey. Let's survive both the fear and excitement of the BP Roller Coaster.

Self-Talk

Hey guys. I’ve not been around a lot. Thanks for sticking with me, though. I try to write an entry while in every mood. That’s the point of this blog, telling others what it’s like to be in a certain mood because of the cruddy Bipolar cards I’ve been dealt – maybe help educate folks, and hopefully help others going through this to know they’re not alone.

Bipolar consists of, for me at least, being run through so many moods and intensities of those moods. Mania, Hypomania, Psychosis (not all Bipolars), which include hallucinations and paranoia, Depression and Anxiety.

Right now, I’m in depression and anxiety hell.

I have family suffering. I mean, agony. Something awful happened to them…a hit and run accident, and someone far too young lost his life. He did something incredible and helped 81 people because he was an organ and tissue donor, though. God bless his sweet heart and soul. ❤💔

Regarding myself, I have found out a lot of troubling, really devastating, information about my dad. He’s passed. He passed away when I was 15, (40 now) so I can’t really talk to him about it now, you know. Or say for example, slap the hell out of him.

My physical health…please. I hurt so badly. Things are aching, inflamed, can’t get over a virus/bug/cold/allergy/whatever that I’ve had for the last three, almost four months.

So, what am I trying to do to get through these days? Grounding work. Be outside. Read comics. Scrabble online. Writing. Spending one-on-one time with my son, who made me Blueberry muffins last night – so cool! And prayer. Also, taking PRN med – anxiety med if needed, and booking some therapy sessions.

I’ve also found a fitness center that has several arthritis classes, warm pool free swim, warm pool aerobic classes, sauna, nutritionist and massage therapist. Hello, right! Help for many issues – inflammation and fibromyalgia being two heavy hitters. Weight loss, too. And time on my own. Another homerun! Outta the park! ⚾⚾⚾

I’m tired. I’m sad. So sad. So confused. So angry. But hoping it will soon change. Doing the stuff I know to do. And breathing.