Craig Ferguson (b. May 17, 1962) is a Scottish-born American television
host, stand-up comedian, writer, actor, director, author, producer and
voice artist. He is the host of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson,
an Emmy Award-nominated, Peabody Award-winning late- night talk show
that has aired on CBS since January, 2005. Ferguson will leave the show
in December, 2014. (Click here for full
Wikipedia article)

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It's hard to stay upIt's been a long, long dayAnd you got the
sandman at the doorBut hang on, leave the TV onAnd let's do it
anywayIt's okay!You can always sleep through work tomorrow, OK?Hey
hey!Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.

Tell the clock on the wallForget the wakeup callCause the
night's not nearly throughWipe the sleep from your eyesGive
yourself a surpriseLet your worries wait another dayAnd if you
stay too late at at the barAt least you made it out this farSo
make up your mind and sayLet's do it anyway!It's okay!You
can always sleep through work tomorrow, okay?Hey hey!Tomorrow's
just your future yesterday.

Life's too short to worry aboutThe things that you can live withoutAnd
I regret to sayThe morning light is hours awayThe world can be
such a frightBut it belongs to us tonightWhat's the point of
going to bed?You look so lovely when your eyes are red!

Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.

The world can be such a frightBut it belongs to us tonightWhat's
the point of going to bed?You look so lovely when your eyes are red!

It's hard to stay upIt's been a long, long dayAnd you got the
sandman at the doorBut hang on, leave the TV onAnd let's do it
anywayIt's okay!You can always sleep through work tomorrow, OK?Hey
hey!Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.Tomorrow's just your
future yesterday.

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A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it.

Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.

Change is the nature of God's mind, and resistance to it is the source
of great pain.

Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible
without it. Evil does not question itself. Even the incorruptible are
corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken.

Failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd
better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard
round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by
failing until we don't.

I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie
of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

I'm always a bit shy around evil people.

If you really don't want gay people to get married, you shouldn't ban
gay marriage, you ban gay divorce.

It's a great day for America, everybody!

It's easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in
your pocket.

Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it
happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of 'what if' when
meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized.

Maybe fear is God's way of saying, 'Pay attention, this could be fun.'

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for
me.

The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any
other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.

Time is only linear for engineers and referees.

To most Americans, soccer is like warm hockey.

Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.

White Americans have a very unusual sense of history. They make it up as
they go along, constantly revising to suit their tastes in a manner that
would make Stalin blush. Very few of them saw any irony in the fact that
during a recent nasty Balkans conflict, when Uncle Sam intervened to
stop the Serbs from ethnically cleansing the Bosnians, the military
action was performed using Apache helicopter gunships. Helicopters named
after a people that had been ethnically cleansed in the United States
less than one hundred years previously. Sixteen lane highways across the
sacred burial grounds. Yee-hah.