Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. --Mark Twain

Happy Friday!

I didn't get in a workout yesterday. Still struggling a bit with poor choices (some potato chips and a chocolate chip cookie) here and there, but had a good day as far as "conscious" portion control. It has to be done. The good thing about this point in my weight loss journey is that I'm sure my metabolism is a bit faster and I can get away with a few more food indiscretions than when I was 189--but not too many. It's better than going the other direction for sure.

June 18th marked 2 years (and just about my highest weight ever) of my getting back on here to buckle down and lose some pounds. Kyrin had sent me an email at that time to drag me back to DDs--Thanks Kyrin! It made all the difference in the world. It continues to make all the difference in the world--thanks to all of you! I appreciate all of your fine comments!

Now, what have I learned in that time. I learned to drink skim milk in my coffee. I had not jogged for probably 10 years; I started a jog/walk program about a year ago. My resting heart rate is about 60 (as compared to 78). My blood pressure is lower than the new guidelines for "pre-hypertension," which is 120/80-139/89. Hypertension is probably THE biggest health risk in my family. Most days I only drink 3 cups of coffee, as opposed to 10-12 at one point a few years ago. I learned that I enjoy egg whites for breakfast and they're really good when you add just one yolk.

I had a totally stress-related eating episode last week, of course it accomplished nothing, but to fill a void that I had no hope of filling otherwise. These require access to food and a conscious decision to devour it--oh, and the stress--you've gotta have that element!

I haven't eliminated these episodes, but I have curbed them. One of the ways is to eat properly and not get hungry during the day. And realizing that you're doing it--that's what I learned. Before I started this journey, I never thought I was eating out of stress. I would guess that, outside of breakfast, for years, most of my eating was out of stress. Another thing I learned is that it's okay to eat the same thing every day if you want. You'll possibly tire of it eventually, but make sure when the boredom hits, you have something good to replace it.

To make my point, we humans have an infinite capacity to change. You can complain all the while you're in the process of it if it helps. But if I've been able to change or replace habits that I was sure were such a part of me and that I needed to make me content on some level, then anyone can. I'm not that strong--but replacing a habit with a healthier one has worked for me. Sometimes it takes a bit of imagination to get this done--every one of us has it! Don't let anyone make fun of your food or exercise choices. If they're working for you--that's all that is important!

I hope you have a good food choice day!

BellaK on 06/20/2003:
Hey!! What an inspirational entry! Thanks for your incredible message today � and congratulations on sticking to your resolve to make better choices in your life for 2 years now! Way to go! Have a great weekend!!! Bella

gigi43 on 06/20/2003:
Thanks for the welcome! My problem is that it doesn't take much to lose the weight but, unfortunately, it also doesn't take much to gain it back. I hesitate to celebrate losing anything because that's only like 25% of the battle for me. But I did manage not to eat from stress tonight so that's one small victory. Good luck and keep using your imagination!

Soon2BThin on 06/21/2003:
Wow, you are doing so good. You even have the mental part going well too. Everything you said makes so much sense and I totally agree. Keep up the good work.

Golightly on 06/23/2003:
Hi Biscotti! Very good entry today. Inspirational and lots of food for thought. Sometimes I begin to doubt that habits can be changed ... but you are proof that they can! Very reassuring!

Thanks so much for the note you left me. I was at a restaurant on Saturday that is across the street from my office, so I popped in and printed out my notes (gosh, so many!) I read them all on Saturday night. Your story was very interesting ... I feel so bad for you! Your supervisor was horrible! But I appreciate that you shared your hair loss story with me. I am actually feeling a little better about it because everyone who left me notes about their stories all ended up with their hair back! So, I will survive.

What are you going back to school to take? I was really scared when I went back, but it was that exhilerating fear that is scary and exciting at the same time. I was a much better student as an adult than I ever was as a high schooler! Perhaps we are more disciplined now?

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.--Jean de La Fontaine

Didn't quite make the deficit goal, but ate well nevertheless. And I'm trying again to curb the nighttime eating. I took a 45 min jog. We've really been lucky with having cooler weather this June, but it's just going to extend the time it takes to get used to the real heat that's sure to come.

How do you like that Oprah book pick--just screams, "B-O-R-I-N-G!" if you ask me, and no up-and-coming writers get to take advantage of her coattails to get rich and famous! How dare she:-) I guess it's just easier to pick a dead writer than to risk someone pooh-poohing your picking them, which I guess is sort of what happened to stop the book club awhile back. The bottom line is that more people will read something and that's a plus. I need to read more. But, I don't think I'll be reading her selection, which happens to be East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I've seen at least one version of the movie, but have never read the book.

I hope you have a great day!

momof3gr8boys on 06/19/2003:
Hey Biscotti! Thanks for the comment on my diary - you guys are really firing my up. My mother-in-law was here the other day and when the workers came by she said - Gentlmen we have a problem - I could have died right there - why does confrontation spook me so. I really need to take a class on the subject. How to not get jerked around without being a bitch. They don't have to like me - they just have to give me what I'm paying for. Maybe if I say that over and over . . .

Golightly on 06/19/2003:
Ugh, Steinbeck? No thanks. I was wondering why she stopped the bookclub in the first place ... do you know if she took some heat about her choices? In any case, as an avid reader, I am horrified at the thought that people don't read until Oprah suggests something!

I just finished "The Nanny Diaries" which is currently on the bestseller list. It was a fun, light read ... perfect for the summer! I'm now reading a book on mid-life crises (ha,ha, just want to see if it is something I want to try!)

Good for you for taking a jog! I accidentally slept in this morning, so I had to skip my workout. I'm so mad at myself! I'm going to go for a swim tonight to compensate...

Have a great day!

UPDATE : Thanks for the note. No, I didn't embellish, but I was paraphrasing so it is possible that her wording was somewhat different. Maybe I made her sound more harsh than she was in reality? (I have to paraphrase in all my entries, as I can never remember word for word what people say). She did say that I had been HUGE (I remember that, OUCH!) and she did say that she was worried about the chairs at the Xmas party ... which is ridiculous! I mean, I was about 209 pounds, but I could certainly fit in a chair! And she did ask me about the deal with the devil.

I think, now that she's no longer my supervisor, she felt she didn't have to be careful with what she said to me. She was always very professional when I worked for her. It was sort of like she was trying to be my pal...? I'm not sure I can explain her tone. But it really came out of left field and left me feeling terrible!

butterf;y21373 on 06/19/2003:
I've been doing a lot of reading this summer...I am not sure what type of books you are into, but "Summer Sisters" by Judy Blume was excellent! Also, "Good in Bed" by Jennifer Weiner, "Out of the Blue" by Isabel Wolff. Another pretty good book by Judy Blume was "Smart Women". The one I just finished "Catch Me If You Can" was really good too...it is a lot better than the movie...I mean I liked the movie...but it left out a lot! Anyways, hope you have a great day and if you haven't read any of these, check them out on Amazon.com or somewhere...they were all really good reads!

pezzy34 on 06/19/2003:
Oh girl you are missing out! Have you ever read anything by Steinbeck? He has a down to earth way of writing about the core of human emotion that is not found in this day and age, but is truly timeless. WOW... can you tell I'm a fan? I read Grapes of Wrath when I was 9 and I've been hooked ever since. I read my daughter Of Mice and Men when she was 3 and we even had a lizard named Lenny after the book. The Pony, Cannery Row, The Pearl, In Dubious Battle... OH, OH, OH! My favorite though? Tortilla Flat... SUCH a great piece of work! He has a way of writing that suddenly makes you feel pain for the plight of a farmer in 1932. His characters are written in the 30's, but we all know people like them today.... so that is why I say it is timeless.

Sorry... I went a little nuts, but I feel so strongly about him as an author because even when my mom hated me and called me names, or I got teased at school I could come home and his words were always there to make me feel as though I wasn't so alone. But anyway, if you want I have a copy all of his books if you ever feel like picking one up! You won't regret it! Love, Jenni

BellaK on 06/19/2003:
Hi there! It great to be back! Thanks for your comment on my diary today!! Let's do this thing - once and for all, my friend!!! :o) Take care, Bella

The notorious "Timmy the Tapeworm" strikes again! I consumed an awful lot, so I guess that constitutes my free day. I enjoyed every bite, especially the mini eclairs I found. They're kind of pricey, but for a treat--very worth it.

I would call it a binge, except to me a binge is when you're actually full and you still keep eating. I'm really not full. But when I sat down to figure my calories, it was approaching 4000 for the day, which is absurd:-)

So I'm gonna regroup for the coming week--still keeping in mind the 10-day plan I mentioned the other day--and hope that Timmy keeps to himself for awhile so that I can get back into a routine designed to lose an inch, a pound (or two), and get some good activity in. I've got all the good food. So, seriously it's up to me to get back in the swing and stop the endless supply of excuses.

Hope you have a lovely day!

Golightly on 06/18/2003:
Ha, ha, I think it's hilarious that you named the tapeworm!! Knowing my luck, if I ever actually got a tapeworm, it would be anorexic. I'd just keep gaining weight!

Somehow, I don't being the Canadian-Oprah is my calling! There are days I bore MYSELF -- I can't imagine having to entertain other people! It's funny, because I have my ups-and-downs with the real Oprah. Sometimes I get into a grove where I faithfully watch every day. Other times, I become Oprah-ed out. Of course, I still buy the magazine, but I won't bore you with my magazine-addiction problems!!

As for the endless supply of excuses, girl, I hear you! Just as I thought I had exhausted every excuse in the book, my daughter has now come up with some new ones! I really do think it's easier to diet when you are alone...

Good luck regrouping!!

Soon2BThin on 06/18/2003:
Talk about excuses!! I think I have way more than you do. I think you're doing a lot better than I am, if that makes you feel any better. Just a week or so ago I was 6 pounds lighter, sheesh! I sure don't know what the heck I'm doing or why but I wish it would end. I just feel like crap! Keep up the good work.

Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back. --Robert Quillen

Happy Tuesday!

I did about an hour on the NordicTrack both days, 6.8 miles each day, but for Sunday I did 35 min on the level 1 incline. Didn't meet the deficit goal, but that's fine for now. My immediate goal is to get this 1 hour a.m. workout in most days and then do something else in addition 3-4 days per week. I was simply wiped out from Saturday's yard work, etc and had kind of a nasty headache most of the day on Sunday. I'm fine now:-)

Later . . . I'm up a pound on the scale--not a huge surprise to me. I'm down one-quarter inch in my hips, wrist and calf are unchanged, and I'm up in the rest--the most being one-half inch in my abdomen. So is it a "buckle down" and work day, or the devil saying, "Go ahead, have a semi-free sort of day!" I'm not sure which it will be. It's just that it's always easy to make the "free" day turn into three of 'em. We shall see:-)

Hope you have a good food and exercise day!

Golightly on 06/17/2003:
Yeh, it's funny how sometimes an everyday activity can be a MAJOR workout. I have a really old fridge that needs to be defrosted every 3 months. It practically floods the kitchen once I've turned it off. Every time I have to do this task, I wake up the next day with really sore muscles from squatting infront of that fridge for hours. No wonder our forefathers didn't go to the gym ... LIFE was enough of a workout!

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. --Bertrand Russell

I met my goals. Did 1 hr, 10 min/7.6 mi on the NordicTrack--a few pushups and some bicycle crunches. Later I did about 3 hours of yard work, which I wanted to put off, but once I got all dirty and sweaty from the weedeating, I decided to finish off the whole job. At least it's done:-)

Hope you have a good afternoon!

Golightly on 06/16/2003:
Hi Biscotti! I had a giggle over Saturday's question "Do horses enjoy their feedbags as much as I do?" Hee, hee!

Every time I start to get complacent, stepping on the scale cures it. My weight STILL upsets me. (Particulary since I am on a plateau right now ... probably because of all the sweets during jury duty ... why oh why did I eat all that stuff?)

Good for you for tackling the yard work! And you worked out too! Girl, you must be really buff!!

Start: 189 (June 2001)Low: 157 (June 2003)My Current Goal: 149 by July 8Current BMI=26.9; My Realistic BMI Goal=22.8The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life. --Robert Louis Stevenson

I took the last 3 days (W-Th-Fri) off from exercise and blew off the challenge goals. I'm at some crossroads or something at the moment. I'm sure if I stopped exercising, I'd gain back quite a bit. So I'm going to try something different for 10 days (or so) and see how it goes.

I'm not dissatisfied with where I am, but I don't want to get complacent either. The level I'm at with my exercise is very empowering and I don't want to have to work back up to this level.

What I learned the last few days . . . I can still eat like a horse . . . do horses enjoy their feedbag as much as I did mine?

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.--Isak Dinesen

Happy Wednesday!

I missed all challenge goals for yesterday. Measurements: down a quarter in both leg and hips. Bust is down an inch--I don't really put much stock in this, because it fluctuates like the moon phases or something. At the rate I'm going, by the time I make my ultimate goal, I won't even need a bra--just a couple pieces of masking tape for my nipples--haha!

Weight is the same. I did a 45 min jog (25-14-6), the last 6 was with the dog--so fun--NOT! But the dog enjoyed it, I suppose:-)

It was rather close to dark and I ended up running through a couple swarms of gnats and got one caught in my throat each time and had to cough 'em up and spit 'em out. How nice that was--haha--I hope there's no such thing as "Gnat Pox!" Then I had to go to the bathroom just as I was finishing the jog, so I stopped, did my thing at home (was pretty close when I got the urge to go--thank goodness) and that's when I collected the dog and finished the last 6 min. If that's not dedication, I don't know what is:-)

Soon2BThin on 06/11/2003:
Woohoo! You're doing great! I wish I would have gotten in on that challenge. I'm doing terrible! So you are inspiring me to get going. Thanks! And use band-aids, not masking tape, less painful to remove, haha!

dolyda on 06/12/2003:
wow...the visual pictures we get...your gnat incident brought up visions of The Green Mile...with biscotti playing the part of John Coffey!!

Golightly on 06/12/2003:
Congrats on losing all those inches! Good for you! Also, good work on spitting out those gnats ... God knows how many calories they have! LOL

Ah, yet another good quote today. How much crying and sweating have done this year? A LOT! But I guess it means I'm making progress, both physically and emotionally.

Oh dear, the weight gain started with spinach dip? I guess mine would be cookies ... but luckily all I've done is maintained, I haven't gone up yet on the diet! I ate a lot last week, but increased my workouts to compensate. Hopefully I'll get back on track today!

Golightly on 06/10/2003:
Hi Biscotti! Just popping in before jury duty ... we're at the end of the trial, so I should be back by the end of the week. Like I've said ... I can't wait to get back into my regular schedule! The DAMN free cookies are killing me!

Sounds like you had quite a Sunday ... pizza and chocolate cake! I was the same ... I had pizza and cherry pie! Today I am trying to NOT feel guilty about all my recent indulging.

As usual, your fortitude is inspirational. Keep up the good work!

PS Loved the F. Scott Fitzgerald quote from yesterday!

inmorning on 06/10/2003:
Hey there, just letting you know I was thinking about you and sending a big hug your way.

Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over. --F. Scott Fitzgerald

Happy Sunday!

I got on the NordicTrack for 1 hr, 10 min/7.7 mi--a satisfying workout. Foodwise I ate pretty much what I wanted. A little chocolate, Pepsi, raisin bread, chocolate cake, fatter-than-usual stuff, and pizza--woo-hoo!

I'm setting out some challenge goals for the next few days and on paper a 1200-calorie deficit/day looks excessive. But I'm not losing and I've said it before, these are just numbers. I'm not using a chemical or scientific test to check any of this. It's "go by" and I've been "going by" 3500-calorie per week deficit is 2 pounds gone, but everyone's different in how they are affected by food and exercise. It's a challenge ladies and gentlemen, and I want to see just what I can do!

One more day before my challenge starts, so today's a semi-off day--hope you all have a great Sunday!

I did about 5 minutes of pushups/other upper body stuff and a set of 100 bicycle crunches during my Airdyne workout--48 min/12 mi. Food choices today and yesterday were equally poor. I made the water goal. I'm posting the actual average results of the challenge.

Today's gonna be semi-free. I don't plan to binge, but if I want a Pepsi or some chocolate, I'm gonna have it. And I may cook up some goodies. Still gonna count and get in some activity, but no challenge goals for today!