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Monday, November 12, 2012

tis the season to honor all things melissa and bask in my awesomeness. so go ahead people, wear those yoga pants and sports bra. eat yourself some canes and drink your coke slurpee. and lets remember how great i really am.

because i am.

so at the start of melissa week, let's talk about my birth. as the 6th child, the 4th girl- i kinda just slid down the water slide that was my mom's vag. i asked what she remembers from my birth and she didn't say much. but i was adorable. and well loved. she said she remembered that i was never put down or left alone because all my brothers and sisters constantly wanted to touch/hold me. so much so, she even had to sit on the ground with me and swatch the other kids off with a broom. i was conceived in the great city of beaver [gag] with my older sister in the room [explains so much about devin] and my mom cried when she found out she was pregnant [because of my older sister- she was a sickly gal and had had 2 kids previous only 18 months apart- meaning she got pregnant when they were 9 months old!!].

don't remember this birthday but apparently i was 7 and was a rabbit

some of my best birthday memories include getting this awesome cassette from my dad, getting a pink barbie corvette from my grandma, moving into our house near my birthday, and going to see harry potter #1 on my birthday, to name a few.

in honor of my birthday, i'm going to give you some reasons why i'm awesome and you should be glad i was born [isn't this super conceited? i say nay. it's good to have a healthy appreciation for yourself.]

- i have excellent taste in music, superb actually. and i have great singing voice, but no one is ever allowed to hear it. except for my mother and only at christmas.
- i'm a great dancer in my kitchen. landon thinks i'm the absolute best.
- i can literally put my foot in my mouth. so a bendy bobcat pretzel thing sort of happening here.
- i have a superb 7-11-dar and can detect one within a few miles. it's uncanny.
- i know about almost every tv show and movie out there, thanks to my free subscription of entertainment weekly, my hulu and netflix subsciption and my absolute lack of hobbies.
- i can wipe a poopy diaper with one wipe. one.
- i'm a great bargain shopper of all things clearance and discount but spend $2.50 on coke infused with air once a week. so really not that bright.
- i'm super smart- for reals. i even got a medal once that said so. and a plaque.
- for being all that smart, i have a terrible, terrible memory. which may sound like a bad thing but it's really not, because then i don't stay mad at you long because i can't remember why i was mad at the first place.
- and last but not least, i'm humble and oh so modest. except when it comes to how great i am. bc then i just toot that horn.

Did you know she used to put us to sleep in the bathtub so "we" wouldn't wake the baby. if "the baby" was in the crib, we all would climb in and wake the baby. She put the baby in the tub and close the shower curtain we couldn't find and wake the baby.

And here I thought we slept there because of Alan. Happy Birthday Week, and I hope it is a FABULOUS week!

PS you ARE great at being mad, but only when its me. perks to being your frinemy I guess :-)