Two days ago, I received an email asking if I was still writing blogs because she hadn’t seen any lately. How sweet of her to ask. She was right. I haven’t written since April 11th (Won’t You Be My Love).

I realized yesterday that my blog’s one year anniversary is today, July 16th. “If they asked me, I could write a book…” was that first post where I said, “I keep writing and writing, waiting for a book to pop out, but it never does.” But now, looking back, I know that it finally did “pop out”. If you’d like to read it, this is My Story.

It even had a sequel, a series of posts that expanded on that story: Moment By Moment.

So, what have I been doing since that last post on April 11th? Well, another interesting story has begun. It all started on March 28th, when I realized that I wasn’t going to have something written in time for Maggie’s birthday party.

You remember Maggie. She’s the young songwriter featured in the original Moment By Moment post. If we’re friends on Facebook, you’ve most likely received that post as my birthday present to you (written on my birthday last October).

You see, Maggie’s amazing parents were putting together a one-of-a-kind birthday party for a one-of-a-kind 16 year old girl. They wanted to tell the story of Maggie’s life, honoring the God who made that life possible, and share the day with friends and family who had impacted Maggie’s first 16 years. I was honored to be on the guest list. And those on the guest list were asked to write something to bring to the party to share with Maggie.

But my brain wouldn’t cooperate. I wanted to encourage Maggie with words of wisdom, something akin to Bart Millard’s “Dear Younger Me“. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote, but it just wouldn’t come together. I always say that I need a lot of “space” in my brain to write, and I was seriously lacking in space. I sobbed as I told my dear husband that I couldn’t do it. And I almost decided not to go to the party. Thankfully, John encouraged me to go anyway, even without something written. I’m so glad I did.

The party was incredible. I would have gone if only to be able to watch Maggie’s mom tell the story of her life. It was beautiful. And then friends and family shared and their stories added to the beauty of the day. We all joined hands and prayed over Maggie. I prayed that Maggie and her friends would never cancel their plans because they felt inadequate.

I cried as I prayed those words, because I knew that God wanted me there and I knew He wanted me to pass along that message. I didn’t want them to ever miss an opportunity like that because, in engaging with others, we are in fact engaging with God.

Here’s how God engaged with me that day. I sat with two friends who I hadn’t seen in years. We spent some time catching up on each other’s lives. I shared with them about my blog and about the miracle that God performed on September 13 & 14, 2014. That was the beginning of my story: Redeemed – Part 1. In that post, I wrote about seeing MercyMe in concert. Bart Millard, MercyMe’s lead singer, had “been on an amazing road to transformation over the last couple years and it was exciting to hear his story.”

The Cure: What if God isn’t who you think He is and neither are you

One of my friends said, “Do you know what started all of that? He read a book by John Lynch called The Cure“. She and her husband “just happened” to have been on the “MercyMe at Sea” cruise in January 2015 where they got to hear first-hand from Bart Millard about the book and why it was so impactful to him. In fact, you can hear about it, right from the authors themselves, in this 11 minute podcast: Sailing in the Dark. MercyMe’s Welcome to the New album was directly inspired by this book.

Well, I went home from Maggie’s party and ordered the book. And when it arrived, I devoured it. Many times throughout the book, I literally laughed out loud as I read. I could not believe what I was reading. So many of the concepts I’ve written about in this blog are IN THIS BOOK. Bart Millard never mentioned “The Cure” at the concert last September. How huge is God that He was able to communicate all of this to me through MercyMe’s album, never having read the book that the album was based on?

If it was that important to God that I find this book, then I needed to know more. I’ve since bought several other books by the same authors and listened to many podcasts on their website, TrueFaced.com:

Bo’s Cafe: “The Cure” for marriage (devoured that one too)The Ascent of a Leader: “The Cure” for leaders (currently devouring this one)On My Worst Day: John Lynch’s story (this one is next on my list to devour)Podcasts: “Bo’s Cafe” informal chats with the authors, each only about 10-15 minutes long

And I’m blessed to be working through “The Cure” Small Group Study with two dear friends this summer. We’re about half way through and it’s been wonderful.

But, first and foremost, if you’re intrigued, get “The Cure“. And if you’re inspired too, please share.

And what ever happened with Maggie’s birthday present? That 50th post, Won’t You Be My Love, was for her. And this 51st post? This one is for everyone. After all, when you find the cure, don’t you want to share it with the world?

“Every woman I’ve ever met feels it — something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.” –Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, by John and Stasi Eldredge

Wow. I just finished reading this powerful book. This is not a “do these 10 things and you’ll be a Proverbs 31 woman” book. The subtitle really sums it up: “Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul”. Sounds pretty, doesn’t it? Boy, I’d like to think that I’m “mysterious”, because most days I just feel “messed up”. John and Stasi nailed it. I am too much and too little all rolled into one.

Beth Moore said something at her 2009 Living Proof Live conference that has always stuck with me: “Repression will make you sick, rebellion will make you stupid. We gotta be real.”

The Apostle James says it this way: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16 (NIV)

Sharing our hurts is healing and I believe that positive life change only happens with other people. Keeping it to ourselves only makes it worse, or in 12 Step language, “we’re as sick as our secrets”. I spent most of 2013 in a Celebrate Recovery 12 Step Study and I learned that genuine confession leads to genuine change. Telling our story is freeing, on so many levels.

Think of it this way. If we keep it between us and God, there is no accountability. We might say, “Hey, He forgives me, we’ll just keep this between us. No need to get anyone else involved. It’s a private matter.” Just one problem with that. No change happens. We keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results, the very definition of “insanity”. But when the pain of changing finally feels less than the pain of staying the same, it’s time to change.

So, here I am with you, my trusted friends, confessing my sin to you. I am a mess. I am too much; I am too little. I am up; I am down. I am happy; I am sad. I am carefree; I am frustrated. I am optimistic; I am pessimistic. I am kind; I am harsh. I am manic; I am depressive. I am intelligent; I am hopelessly stupid. I am encouraging; I am discouraged. I am on top of the world; I am in the lowest pit. I am an eagle soaring high above the clouds; I am Eeyore beneath the rain cloud. I am free to dream the grandest of dreams; I am tied up in knots. I am a woman of faith; I am a woman of fear. I am filled with the love of Jesus; I am bound by the lies of the evil one. I have it all together; I am completely overwhelmed.

So much of it comes down to expectations. Am I expecting too much? Am I expecting too little? Do I expect everything to fall apart? Do I expect that I will be left “abandoned and alone”? Or do I expect that God will come through? Do I expect that He will take care of me? Do I expect that He will never leave me, never forsake me, and that He has amazing people waiting to help me at just the right moment? If I give in to despair, if I give up, will I miss out on seeing God come through for me? Yep, I will. I’ll miss out. And something will be missing in the world that could have been there if I hadn’t given up.

Toward the end of Captivating, in a chapter called “An Irreplaceable Role”, John and Stasi remind us that we were each made with a unique purpose in mind. No one else can live the life that we alone were created to live. You are the only person on earth who can fulfill your purpose. I love this beautiful reminder of who we truly are:

“You are a woman. An image bearer of God. The Crown of Creation. You were chosen before time and space, and you are wholly and dearly loved. You are sought after, pursued, romanced, the passionate desire of your Fiancé, Jesus. You are dangerous in your beauty and your life-giving power. And you are needed.”

Oh, there’s so much more. Read the book (check your library). We are needed. We all have something to contribute. Expectations can kill us, but hope frees us. Hope of today, hope of tomorrow and hope of eternity. Hope lives with Jesus. And when we live with Jesus, we get to experience that hope. And if we don’t feel it, we need to ask him to help us feel it. But don’t wait on feelings. They’re so fleeting. One minute everything is amazing and the next minute everything has gone wrong. But God is still working. And He still loves us immeasurably. And He’s fighting for us, as a groom fights for his bride. I wrote about that in December when I started reading Captivating. Check out The Beautiful Adventure if you’d like to read more.

I heard MercyMe’s “Won’t You Be My Love?” this morning and it stirred something in me that made me want to write for the first time in a month. I hope it stirs something in you too. And if you love it, the whole album is only $9.99 on iTunes.

“My friends are broke and lost
Looking for someone to lead them to my cross
I need your help, I need your help

Won’t you be My voice calling
Won’t you be My hands healing
Won’t you be My feet walking into a broken world
Won’t you be My chain-breaker
Won’t you be My peacemaker
Won’t you be My hope and joy
Won’t you be My Love”

We may be broke and lost, but even in our brokenness, we have something to give. We are needed. Our prayers are needed. They are powerful and effective. Our lives are powerful and effective. God is powerful and effective and He wants His power to flow through us out into this broken world. Our expectations may be unrealistic. Let’s place all of those expectations on Him. He can handle it. His shoulders are big enough. And, in that freedom, let’s go out and live the lives that we were created to live.

When is the last time you’ve heard from God? It’s hard to hear Him with all of the noise around us, but I believe that God still speaks today.

Maybe we’re afraid to hear what He has to say and we’d rather tune Him out. Maybe we think He’s mad at us; that He’s going to lecture us about all the things we’ve done wrong. Or maybe we think He’s going to tell us to become a missionary in Africa. Or He’ll tell us to forgive someone we could never, ever forgive. So we crank up the radio, turn on the TV, check our Facebook status, go shopping, volunteer at church, anything to stay distracted and busy, busy, busy.

Or maybe we want to hear from God, but we’re not sure how. How does He speak? In the 20 years I’ve been following Jesus, I’ve heard from God in many different ways. I’ve never seen or spoken to Jesus directly, but I know someone who has. Check out Jaya Sankar’s Story to read, and hear directly from Jaya, about his encounter with the Living God. Here are some ways that I hear from God. I hope they act as “hearing aids” for you:

1) The Bible

God speaks when I read the Bible. Not every time. Sometimes I’m just reading words, but other times the Word truly is living and active, penetrating, dividing soul and spirit (Hebrews 4:13). Those times are well worth waiting for. Energizing, exhilarating, mysterious, thrilling to the core. If we’re going to recognize someone’s voice, we need to get to know them. What better way to get to know God than to read the love letter He wrote to us?

The writer of the book of Hebrews tells us that Jesus is the exact representation of God’s being (Hebrews 1:3), so if we want to know God, we need to get to know Jesus. The best way I’ve found to get to know Jesus is by reading the gospels, which are the first 4 books of the New Testament: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. You can start with just one, you can read them all start to finish, or you can read one over and over until it feels like an old friend (thanks to Dan Kopp for that great suggestion). John is a great book to start with, as John goes into great detail about who Jesus is and why he came. But if you love a good action movie, start with the book of Mark. You won’t be disappointed.

The most important thing to keep in mind when reading the Bible is that it is not an ordinary book. The best way to read it is in humility, asking God Himself to speak to you through His Holy Spirit. If we ask for understanding, He is faithful to answer our prayer. Jesus tells us over and over again that those who ask will receive, and James 4:3 clarifies further regarding asking with right motives. I can ask for a BMW, but I really don’t think I’ll receive one. 🙂

2) Circumstances

I’ve heard God speak through circumstances in my life over and over again, and I love to write about those times. If hearing how God has spoken to me helps you recognize His voice in your life, then I have done my job. When I categorize a post under “miracles”, it’s probably a story of how God spoke through a particular circumstance. This is one of my favorites, about how I knew I couldn’t giving up on having another child: Fresh Eyes.

3) Music

I love to hear from God through music. Sometimes it’s through the words of the song, like MercyMe’s Greater. Other times it’s the music itself that makes my soul fly. I fell in love with Switchfoot’s Fading West album after watching their documentary of the same name twice within 48 hours in late August. I bought the album a few days later and couldn’t get enough of it.

Even though I didn’t see Swtichfoot in concert, DTE Energy Music Theater chose to play that album in between every set on Saturday night, September 13th. All night long, in between Ellie Holcomb, Colton Dixon, MercyMe and Third Day, Switchfoot’s Fading West album played over the loudspeakers while the stage was being set for the next act. As each song came on, my heart was being romanced by the God of the universe. He chose the perfect background music for the mood He was creating between the two of us. You can read more about that evening here: Redeemed – Part 1.

4) Nature, 5) People & 6) the Holy Spirit

God speaks through nature, through people and through His Holy Spirit. Instead of telling you about each one separately, here’s a little story that combines all three:

In May 2014, at the SMASH women’s retreat, we were given a morning devotional booklet to go off by ourselves to complete. There was a question that I was supposed to talk to God about, but I also needed to eat breakfast, so I brought the booklet with me to the cafeteria. I grabbed my breakfast, found a table and set down the booklet. I went about my morning, chatting with lots of different women at breakfast, outside the cafeteria and on the long trail leading back to my cabin. Walking through those gorgeous woods, with my cabin just ahead of me, I gasped and thought, “Lord, I forgot to talk to you!” He quickly, but calmly, responded, “No, you didn’t. You’ve been talking to Me all morning through all of those women.”

May 2014 SMASH Women’s Retreat at SpringHill Camp in Evart, MI, ready to go on the zip-line

Sometimes it takes “getting away from it all” to really hear His voice clearly. Please join us at the SMASH Women’s Retreat at SpringHill Camp May 15-17, 2015. Registration opens March 27th – click here: Events. You won’t want to miss it! And if you’re not female, Kensington puts on a retreat just for you each Fall. Check the same link in Summer 2015 for the “Man Up” retreat, which is normally held at SpringHill Camp each October.

It’s been 7 weeks since my miracle occurred. Now that all of those accusing voices of guilt and shame are finally gone, they’ve made room for a new voice that says, “You’re a heretic. It can’t possibly be that simple.”

But I do want to be right. I know you can be sincere, but still be sincerely wrong. I get that. But I want to be accurate. I want to be Biblically accurate.

My post called “Moment by Moment” was about how I had turned away from God. I was so convinced that He was angry with me, and trying harder wasn’t getting me anywhere, that I had turned away and stopped asking for forgiveness. At the beginning of the post, I said that nothing in my life had changed, but yet EVERYTHING had changed, leading me to ask “what changed?” I concluded the post with a Henry Ford quote and the answer to my question: my mind was changed.

It didn’t strike me until after I had posted the blog, but that’s exactly what God told me about sin and repentance. My “sin” was that I had “turned away” from God. And “repentance” means “to turn around” and “to change one’s mind.” That’s exactly what happened. My mind was changed and I turned around to embrace the God who loves me and is not mad at me. And all of those condemning voices were silenced.

I heard it explained this way before. If I am walking against a strong wind, I may feel that “the wind is against me.” And if I turn around, I may feel that “the wind is now with me.” But the wind didn’t change. I was the one who changed direction in relation to the wind. God doesn’t change either (Psalm 55:19). But we have the ability to change our direction in relation to Him.

The problem comes when we’ve turned away and we think He’s angry with us and that He’ll punish us if we turn back to Him. Or that we have to somehow “make it up to Him” and “do better” before He’ll take us back. Our pastor, Chris Zarbaugh, explained it this way. Chris said that no matter how far we have traveled from God, how far we have gone in the opposite direction, even if we’ve walked 10,000 steps away (or 10,000 miles away), it only takes one step to turn around. Even though we walked away, God didn’t go anywhere. He’s always been right there, longing for us to turn around.

God is always pursuing us, but He’s too much of a gentleman to tackle us. He wants real love, not robotic love. So He’s patient with us. The Apostle Peter said that is why God hasn’t sent Jesus back yet: “The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.” 2 Peter 3:9 (NLT)

He wants us to repent – to change our minds about Him and to turn around. He’s waiting for us. He loves us. He’s not angry with us. Maybe we had an earthly father who was angry with us, so we figure our Heavenly Father must feel the same way. But He doesn’t. If you haven’t read “The Face of Grace“, check it out, especially the picture that Jordan Rose drew last year. Every time I sing “Christ is Enough“, I think of that picture:

I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back
The cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back

And if you’re concerned about the “He does not want anyone to be destroyed” part (what kind of a Good God would destroy people?), I was too. Check out Reconciling Wrath.

And what about that voice yelling “heresy!”? Jesus redeemed that.

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved.” Isaiah 30:15 (NLT)

In 1994, Jesus saved my soul, but in September 2014, he saved my mind. I posted the story as a 6-part “series”, but I want to respect your time. I know you probably can’t sit down and read the whole thing, so I included a line about each part below. Please feel free to read whatever jumps out at you.

Here are all of the parts, including the “prologue” and the “afterword”, in order:

If you remember my very first blog post from July 16th, “If they asked me, I could write a book“, I think this “series” could be the beginning of that book. If any of this speaks to you, I would be so honored if you would share it with others.

Just a side-note. If you’re reading this on a desktop or laptop computer, you can probably see links to all of my other blog posts along the righthand side of the screen. However, if you’re on a phone or a tablet, the links probably don’t show up. But if you scroll to the bottom of the post, you can most likely get to newer posts to the right and older posts to the left (it should give you the title and an arrow to click on). I’ve also included a link at the bottom of each post to bring you to the next one.

This is the last part of my “redeemed” mini-series. How about a recap? Here’s what I’ve known for the last year:

1) Sin is simply us “turning away” from God
2) Jesus took on our “turning away” on the cross
3) God loves us and isn’t angry with us for being imperfect

So, what’s the problem? Why has my fuse gotten shorter and shorter all year? Why have I become increasingly irritated and frustrated, hopeless and annoyed?

One thing still didn’t compute. If “God is good, all the time” and “All the time, God is good”, what’s the deal with “the wrath of God”? The Bible has a LOT to say about the wrath of God and I couldn’t see how a Good God could be so full of wrath, yet so loving at the same time.

However, what I was beginning to understand, on Saturday, September 13, 2014, was that I had been redeemed. God made that very clear all day. When I sat down at church the next morning, after the pity-party that never materialized, I felt like God had me on “download” mode and I had better get my pen ready. The first thing I wrote was “Jesus redeemed that”, referring to my desire to have a pity-party. Then I wrote this:

“What is the wrath of God? His wrath is the natural consequence of turning away from Him. It’s MY CHOICE. Jesus redeemed that. God wants to love me and He does, but I keep choosing to turn away to hopelessness, self-pity, indifference, whining. That stuff is His wrath. Jesus died for that. He took on my “turning away”. He turned away from God ONCE FOR ALL. He redeemed that. He bought it. It’s no longer mine. When I turn away and feel that WRATH, the devil tells me I deserve it. I turned away and it’s my fault, I’m bad, I SHOULDN’T do that and I SHOULD turn back. NO! Jesus redeemed that. I GET TO turn back because Jesus redeemed it. I OWE NOTHING. I don’t owe it to Him. It’s DONE.”

Sunday afternoon, I watched the “redeemed” part of the Beth Moore simulcast where it had frozen on Saturday. It was cool, but God kept nudging me to go do my Beth Moore “Children of the Day” study. My friend and I have been working through that study since July, very sporadically. When we watched the video for week 4 (out of 9 weeks), we realized that our timing was perfect. Every session has spoken to us exactly when we needed it. I’m only on week 5 of the study in the workbook, because there’s really no need to be any further ahead.

Sunday afternoon, I followed the nudging and opened my workbook to the next homework assignment, which was Day 3 of Week 5. Get this. It was titled “Wrestling with Wrath“. Beth had already done the research and gave me lots of scripture about God’s wrath. His “wrath” in the original Greek is actually, “desire with grief and sorrow”. Man’s type of wrath is translated from the Greek as “the outburst of a vengeful mind”. God’s wrath is not like ours. It is a profound sadness that the people He created can choose to turn away from Him, knowing that our turning away is not what is best for us. We were made to be in communion with Him, but He is a gentleman and won’t make us. And robotic love is not real love. It has to be our choice. But I was convinced that I owed God something “for all He’s done for me”, and I was so sick of trying that I had turned away.

Since Sunday, September 14, I’ve been telling myself “Jesus redeemed that” with every thought that I think that has anything to do with “should” or guilt over what I did or didn’t do or thought. AND I BELIEVE IT because my theology is finally reconciled. It’s not a conflict. Bard Millard, MercyMe’s head man, said that he got to the point where he couldn’t sell the gospel. It wasn’t good news. That’s where I had gotten to. I couldn’t sell Jesus. He wasn’t good news. He was more work. How could I sell that with good conscience?

I’ve walked around with more LIGHTNESS and joy for the last three weeks, I can’t explain it other than the perfect gift of God. I can laugh and joke and I don’t have this heaviness that I have to keep dragging around, trying to do better and be better, but always feeling guiltier and guiltier about how I REALLY feel. How I really feel now is REALLY good news.

Check out the lyrics to MercyMe’s “Wishful Thinking”, which they sang at the concert that Saturday night. I especially love the first verse and the “better late than not at all” verse. This song spoke to me so loudly after my 20 year journey with Jesus. Thanks for reading!

“Wishful Thinking” by MercyMe

Lord is it possible to get this far
And just now understand who You are?
I’m feeling foolish yet relieved as well
Cuz what I bought before, I just can’t sell

But now my eyes are open wide
If this is wrong
I don’t wanna be right

Could it be that on my worst day
How You love me still will not change
What if it’s really not about
What I do but what you did, oh what if

This ain’t wishful thinking it’s just how it is
This ain’t wishful thinking it’s just how it is

Well, I guess I’m better late than not at all
Or did you plan it this way all along
Cuz without suffering grace is hard to see
So maybe I’m right where I’m supposed to be

That was Monday, September 15th. All day long, as thoughts came into my head, I kept saying out loud, or under my breath if need be, “Jesus redeemed that!”. I felt lighter and lighter each time I said it and I was struck by how often I was saying it. I had no idea I was carrying so much guilt and shame. It reared its ugly head, I spoke, and the Cross wiped it away. Over and over and over again, all day long.

The morning of Tuesday, September 16th was not what I had expected. I had hoped to get a few things accomplished and checked off my list, but that was not to be. Nothing bad, just constant, one thing after another, and I was getting frustrated. I knew that “Jesus redeemed that” frustration, but it was getting a little nutty.

Facebook chimed that I had a message. It wasn’t a good message. My friend was very upset. I tried to encourage her and let her know that Jesus had redeemed everything that she was dealing with and all of the emotions that were screaming at her. I hoped that my words were encouraging, but I didn’t know if she believed me. I had to move on to my next task. I needed to make an on-line donation for Joshua’s homeroom classroom. If we donated by September 17th and included the word “Inspire” as a coupon code, a matching donor would double his donation. I put in the coupon code and this popped up:

“Redeemed! INSPIRE: $9.00 match activated.”

I screamed and almost jumped out of my chair! I couldn’t believe it said “REDEEMED”! Instead of jumping out of my chair, I jumped back onto Facebook to chime my friend’s iPad with a message, straight from Heaven, just for her. It’s all going to be okay. Jesus redeemed it all!

Then came Wednesday, September 17th. I had dropped off both kids at school that morning and was driving home listening to Smile FM. “God of Wonders” by Third Day was on and I sang along, remembering them singing it at the concert on Saturday. I pulled in the garage and was about to turn the car off when “Greater” by MercyMe came on next. I’d never heard this song on the radio before, but they played it at the concert Saturday night. I turned off the car, but left the radio on and listened to “Greater”.

From the first word to the last, I sobbed like I have never sobbed in my life. But these weren’t tears of guilt, shame and self-pity. These were tears of gratefulness with no strings attached. And when the song was over, I didn’t feel that awful “I just cried and now I need to take a nap” feeling. I felt clean. Really clean. All that “ick” was washed away.

I have so much more I could write here, but instead I will leave you with the words of “Greater”.

“Greater” by MercyMe

Bring your tired
Bring your shame
Bring your guilt
Bring your pain
Don’t you know that’s not you’re name
You will always be much more to me

Every day I wrestle with the voices
That keep telling me I’m not right
But that’s alright

‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
In the world
In the world
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world

Something amazing happened on September 13 & 14. I’ve been a Christian for 20 years, but nothing like this has ever happened before. I’m trying to piece it all together so that I can write about it here, but there is so much that I really need to do it in pieces.

My friend and I live-streamed Beth Moore’s “Living Proof Live” simulcast on Saturday, September 13th at my house. During the simulcast, there were a few times where the live stream “stuck” and I had to refresh the screen. Beth was teaching us her “Identity Declaration” (click or see below) and she got to “I am a woman of God, redeemed by Jesus Christ” and the screen stuck. By the time I got it refreshed, she was on to the next point. “Redeemed” struck me and I knew I wanted to go back and watch that part again. However, we were all headed to the Third Day/ MercyMe concert at DTE Energy later that afternoon, so “redeemed” would have to wait.

Even though I bought the concert tickets for all of us to see Third Day, we were blown away by MercyMe. Bart Millard, their lead singer, has been on an amazing road to transformation over the last couple years and it was exciting to hear his story. He spoke and sang a LOT about redemption and the word “redeemed” kept sinking further and further into my bones. Their music was upbeat and invigorating, their harmonies were beautiful, we loved every minute. It was late when we got home and I was ushering at church the next morning, so we had to get to bed to get up early.

I normally sit with John when I usher, but on this particular morning, the two seats next to John were taken by two other ushers. I’m new to this particular usher team, so they didn’t know they were sitting next to my husband. It was the 10:30 service, so it was crowded and most seats were already filled. I was trying to figure out where I was going to sit and found myself on the verge of a pity-party crying mess. Tears were starting to fill my eyes, but I told myself, “No, you’re not going to do this today. What a silly reason to be crying anyway!” I walked up to where John was sitting and realized that there was ONE seat right behind him and the two usher ladies and I grabbed it. The tears never materialized. 🙂 I sat down in my seat to listen to Chris Zarbaugh’s message, but God had other plans. I started writing and the first thing I wrote was “Jesus redeemed that.”

The next day I received an email survey from LifeWay, looking for feedback from Saturday’s simulcast. Beth Moore told us at the simulcast that she was praying that God would give a specific word to each of the 190,000+ women who were watching. She said that if 190,000 women heard from God and RESPONDED, we could certainly have a huge impact on this hurting world. Here’s what I wrote to LifeWay:

“God spoke! Beth’s prayers were answered in my life. He gave me a word and that word is “redeemed”. I have struggled with so many things for so long: depression, hopelessness, wanting to give up, and I’ve “tried” to do better and be better and I want Jesus to help me, but all of my “tricks” aren’t working anymore. I think wrong thoughts and then I feel guilty for thinking wrong thoughts and it just spirals downward. This weekend God told me “Jesus redeemed that”.