Jena Masters the Art of the Cookie Hat

Jena Masters the Art of the Cookie Hat

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, Jena Owens is a charming young lady from Cincinnati, Ohio. She has mastered the art of cramming her own head into her cookie! And yes, this is a form of masturbation that she has invented called “C*nt Hat.” She is confident that this technique will land her a full time spot as model on the new website <removed=porn>.

She began forming this technique at the mature age of 14, when she was first recognized as town phone. She’s been slowly stretching her cookie with as many Gregs and phallic objects as possible since then. Men, if you like to be belittled and made to feel like a creep for just saying hello, this is the garden tool for you. She will never care about you or your feelings, so long as she remembers that she is the best thing to have ever walked this earth.

Some of her most charming qualities are listed here:
– Self absorbed
– Knowing that she’s all that matters
– Assuming you want to talk to her
– Assuming everyone finds her attractive
– Has had sex with an innumerable amount of men, women, and dogs
– Ability to talk highly of herself
– Looking like a crackhead due to lack of weight
– Loves masturbating
– Having a 14 year old girl’s sense of the world
– Having no idea how to properly use “please” and “thank you”
– A sense of deserving everything
– A love for anything phallic in all available orifice
– Having a face that says, “I am better than all of you”
– Ability to be the world’s largest cunt (pun intended)

Do not worry guys and gals, she really does genuinely have no idea what the real world is like. She has her own little reality where she is the queen, and everyone wants her. She thinks it’s such a drag that everyone wants to talk to her all the time, because she is most desirable…. Jena, if you ever see this, please get the F-off your high horse. You really aren’t all that great. People just tolerate you. Men won’t ever love you, you are just a piece of meat to tenderize. But, hey, that’s how you present yourself. The word c*nt is perfect for you, and I really don’t like using that word.

But you are so full of yourself that you require that word. Have you ever tried to care about anyone else? I mean, for God’s sake, you whine like a six year old if you don’t get your way. You need to grow up and realize you aren’t hot sh*t. You need a dose of the real world. Seriously, how important do you think you are?

I can’t believe I read this whole thing hoping to get a hard on and nothing happened. I really tried visuals too. I even made Jena’s hair blonde and nothing… what a bust.- nik