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I've just found out that there's a wrestling move called 'Sliced Bread #2'. How embarrassing. Anyway, that's not where the title of this journal comes from. I thought it up when I was in high school and always wanted to use it for something.

Thanks to blogger.com for the hosting and the template. Content is copyright Dennis Relser (M. Elmslie) 2004-05.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Now that Greyghost and I have this new relationship where I ask him questions and he answers them, things have gone much more smoothly around here.

Take last night. Here's how the conversation would have gone a few months ago:

Greyghost: I want you to walk into the HealthPlus Drug Mart and Eighteenth and Addison at 9:20 tonight and wait for my signal. When I tell you to, set off a smoke bomb and get out immediately.

Dennis: Okay.

(Greyghost leaves.)

Dennis: The hell?

Now here's how it actually happened:

G: I want you to walk into the HealthPlus Drug Mart and Eighteenth and Addison at 9:20 tonight and wait for my signal. When I tell you to, set off a smoke bomb and get out immediately.

D: And what did the poor shoppers and employees of eastern Riverview do to deserve my smoky wrath?

G: There's going to be a robbery there, and I want disruption. We'll be speaking on our cellphones at the time so the signal will be a simple verbal one.

D: Uh huh. Why don't we just call the cops? You know, if we're so sure this is going to happen, we can let the duly constituted authorities take over.

G: If you leave now you can be there in plenty of time.

D: Probably. So I'll just call the cops and let them know, then?

G: No. You'll get in the car and drive north.

D: Or we could just call the cops. Save us a lot of trouble.

G: I considered the police. They can't handle it. It will be Caroline No who's robbing the store, and she's more than a match for anything the police have.

D: I'm sorry, it's who?

G: Caroline No.

D: Caroline . . .

G: . . . No.

D: Let me guess. Doctor No's evil daughter?

G: She named herself after an old Beach Boys song.

D: And she's powerful.

G: Extremely.

D: So why's she holding up a drugstore?

G: Her powers rely on regular doses of hexachlorofluoroslimjim*, which is very perishable and not available over-the-counter. She has a pattern of raiding pharmacies ever two to three weeks, and I have reason to believe that she'll be at this store, tonight, at 9:25.

D: When you say 'reason to believe', you mean, like, informants or something, and not just a wild-ass guess, right?