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January 12, 2011

Meet Sara from Unofficial Mom

For the inaugural open adoption blogger interview, I plucked a name at random from my spreadsheet. Up popped Sara of Unofficial Mom! Sara began writing in April of 2010 about her life as an adoptive mom of her baby daughter, nicknamed Pie. Today is Pie's first birthday, so what better day to meet this blogger?

Read through her interview and please leave her a comment saying, "Hello!"

Tell us about yourself and your connection to open adoption

I am an adoptive mom as well as the aunt to an adopted niece and nephew. My brother adopted his children from Vietnam, so his adoptions are as closed as they get, but with the arrival of my niece and nephew, the idea of adoption was planted. It was something my husband and I had talked about even prior to our fertility issues. When we started down the adoption path, I’ll be honest, I wanted a closed adoption. I didn’t think through all of the benefits to an open adoption, I only thought of the horror stories you hear about the first families coming back into the picture and how horrible it can be.

We truly fell into this adoption and how open it is. After years of waiting to adopt with no progress, we decided to start accepting that we would never have children. Then my husband goes out one night to get a burrito, runs into a former co-worker who happens to mention that his girlfriend is pregnant and sarcastically asks if we want a baby. Um…YES! The rest went really quickly. Seven weeks to the day, our daughter was born. And the further we get into the process, the happier I am that we have access to her first family, and even more so, that she will have access to them.

What has been the most unexpected or surprising aspect of open adoption so far?

I think, without question, my biggest surprise has been my total conversion to an open adoption supporter. Even through the final weeks of the pregnancy, knowing that simply through the circumstances of having known the couple prior to the pregnancy, that we would have an open adoption I was uneasy. I just didn’t know how I would handle having to share my daughter. But that’s not at all how things are. I have my daughter. I love her like nothing else I have ever known. They also have their daughter, and they also love her. And it just so happens that my daughter and their daughter is the same person.

How did you start blogging?

I got into blogging, like so many people, to document things for my daughter. I wanted to have a place that gave me more space and more freedom than her baby book to tell her stories. From that, it has evolved into a place where I can vent or celebrate, where I can connect with others, where I can write for the simple joy of it. It has become such an important part of my life and I have made some amazing friends because of the blog.

What influence has the blogging/online world had on your family's adoption?

Blogging has been an amazing outlet. It has provided me with a place to brain dump when I’m working through issues related the adoption. And it has provided me with access to other people who may have gone through the same situation and have advice or simply want to offer support. The online world has been a great tool for us as well. We have a Facebook page set up for our daughter where we post pictures and updates for her first family. It’s a really easy way to stay connected with them.

If you could go back to the beginning of your adoption experience and tell yourself one thing, what would it be?

Relax. This adoption and the rather unusual way we came to it really feels meant to be. It feels like all of the planets aligned and this child was supposed to be our daughter. It was a miracle. So I think there really wasn’t a need to be as stressed about it as I was. Coming home with a newborn for the first time is stressful enough I didn’t need to add my own crazy to it!

Pick a few of your favorites to share with us:

Favorite post from your blog – This is a hard question, but I typically say it’s the two or three posts about my daughter’s birth. There are so many details in those posts that I don’t ever want to forget.

Favorite book – Whichever I’m reading at the moment. I have a very short memory for books. Even more so with the sleep deprivation of late.

Favorite non-adoption blog/online diversion -- I love PostSecret. It’s such an amazing phenomenon, and such a cool thing to show people that they are not alone in their secret. Other than that I read a lot of celeb gossip. I couldn’t tell you why…but it entertains me. Maybe because it’s so mindless.

Favorite thing to do in your free time – Free time? I don’t have too much of that with an almost 1 year old! But when I do, I’m a crafter. I love to make things and have a creative outlet since my job is so dry.

Favorite movie – There are so many. But if I had to pick one, it would probably be If Lucy Fell. It’s a really sweet, funny, quirky story that almost no one has seen, but my sisters and I quote incessantly.

Favorite meal - Any meal that involves my mom’s mashed potatoes. Or pizza. I’m a long-term vegetarian , or as my family says a cheese-etarian. But what isn’t made better by cheese?!

"I have my daughter. I love her like nothing else I have ever known. They also have their daughter, and they also love her. And it just so happens that my daughter and their daughter is the same person."

Cool beans

OPEN ADOPTION BLOGGERS

Open Adoption Bloggers is a group of writers from all sides of open adoption. The list has grown to almost three hundred blogs by adult adoptees, first parents, adoptive parents, professionals, and family members. Come explore our blogroll!