A picture of good health

Seriously, being the epitome of amazing health and well-being isn’t always as easy as it appears!

I’m not one to boast about my health and well-being rituals, except all over social media, but let me tell you all the health related things I do to achieve the look of youth:

I sleep over 8 hours a night

I drink 2 litres of water daily

I do yoga at least three times a week

I’m vegan

I get my bloods tested almost every week, it appears, and I’m 100% the most healthy individual you’ve ever crossed paths with – no iron deficiency, b12 is looking mighty fine, I even randomly take iodine supplements just to feel superior to the regular human

I sit out in the sun to get vitamin D and clear my mind

I’ve moved to the country for fresh air

I have a dog which apparently boosts overall health and wellbeing

I get weekly acupuncture

I drink kombucha HAHAHAHA contentious issue there Codii, you might wanna slow down

I visit my doctor weekly

I don’t drink alcohol or do drugs

I live for high strength SB probiotics

I eat mostly gluten free

I never even have pimples!!

I’m not on the pill or any other hormone related medication

I get weekly professional massages (thanks Malc)

I’m an average BMI

Basically, I’m just that annoying cunt who reminds you that you don’t have your shit together and never will. I get told I look 16 everyday of my life (that I’m well enough to venture out of the house).

So now that I’ve claimed my health achievements can you see why it fucking pisses me off that I’m currently bed-ridden with an invisible illness? An illness that DOES.NOT.MAKE.SENSE. How can I be the model of health for someone of my age (minus my cheeky gallstone) and live the life of a 70 year old about to tip over? It doesn’t make sense. Nothing about chronic fatigue makes sense.

Do you want to know why I’m currently bed-ridden with the world’s biggest headache and aching-all-over body? Because I ventured out to do the most OUTRAGEOUS thing on the weekend. I swam 100 metres. Isn’t this the biggest fucking joke? Write it up in the papers! “Local 23 yr old swims 100 metres, bedridden for three days.”

You know… CFS used to be considered and treated like a mental illness basically. And as much as that frustrates sufferers, I get it. I FEEL INSANE MOST DAYS. How can I be this perfectly healthy, glowing young person yet be unable to move, unable to be touched because everything hurts? How can I go from a full-time meaningful job with an attractive wage of 60k to a person who cannot walk down the hallway because her ankle has randomly decided it doesn’t like working as normal and aches upon being used? THIS IS MADNESS.

The irony right now is that I’ve been eating suuuuperrrrr healthy (and mostly gluten free) and I actually feel like my skin is glowing. I feel like I’m just radiating good energy and health right now… whilst bed-ridden and about to take a zombified nap.

I have something absolutely fucking hilarious and pitiful to admit? I cried the other night to Malcolm because every instagrammer ever says “don’t manifest your illness, don’t let it consume you, you are not your illness.” And you know what? FUCK YOU FOR TELLING ME HOW TO FEEL. Fuck you for invalidating my entire being. On the whole, I’m an extremely positive person but if I want to wallow in self-pity I fucking will. I’m 23, a qualified lawyer (ohhhh boy that’s another juicy life update) and my life was just beginning. I’d worked my soul away to get to where I was. I’m allowed to be pissed off that it’s all a massive joke. I’m sorry I wake up every morning and a new symptom is present before I even have time to think about not manifesting my illness LMFAO.

Here’s a deal: how about you stop manifesting being an annoying fuck who invalidates people with illnesses and I’ll stop manifesting my symptoms? Oh look, both are never going to happen.

You do you, I’ll do me.

PS: I seem really frustrated and mad today but I’m actually not! I’m a little bit pissed because I’m so stiff that laying down hurts, but so does standing. But I’m feeling fresh af. I’m so healthy, I’m so glowing.