8 Things Charlie Sheen Can Teach Us About Breakups

As you well know, Charlie Sheen is an American treasure... a treasure trove of bon mots, bemused narcissism and can't-look/can't-look-away schadenfreude. He's given us many cringe-worthy, eyebrow-raising, slowly nodding despite ourselves moments of entertainment. That's because the Sheen machine is the gift that keeps on giving. In that vein, here's what the Two And A Half Men meltdown has taught me about breakups.

1. Don't act like a jerk to get the other person to break up with you. Sheen, by all accounts, did his job, but the sideshows and constant demands for a raise were a little like a dude coming home smelling like stripper and constantly asking for anal.

2. Do decide that you're better off without whomever. Though Charlie Sheen is going to wind up around $20 million lighter in the wallet, he's decided that he's #winning. When you realize that the man of your dreams was kind of a dink, had halitosis and wore cargo shorts with bowling shirts daily, of course you're happier to be gone. Breakups In Person Keep Dating Civil, Experts Say

3. Don't trash your ex in public. Sheen has been raking the producers over the coals, and making various passive threats involving fire-breathing tigers, trolls, naval fighter jets and Martian rock and roll stars. Telling anyone who will listen that your old flame is a cheapskate and vaguely menacing them is not a great way to convince the next person that you're not the problem.

4. Do wish your ex the best in finding a replacement for you even if you're not completely sincere. Charlie Sheen seems okay with a Rob Lowe or a John Stamos taking his job. Imagine your ex-boyfriend telling you that he would be cool with you dating Rob Lowe or John Stamos next. Good luck!