Luxury Watches At SIHH 2016

Would You Wear Any Of These Insane New Watches?

This article was originally published by AskMen UK — so don't mind the references to things like "pounds," "chaps" and "packets of crisps," whatever those are.

In the luxury watch industry, time moves slowly (but accurately, of course). It’s an old, conservative world, and one that often seems more interested in its past than its future. Designs evolve in tiny increments – you buy a watch today and it looks rather a lot like one made by the same company in the 1930s. And that’s the intention.

Just don’t be fooled into believing the old tale that the Swiss (or the Germans for that matter) are a boring lot. Traditional they may be, but there’s also a flair for flamboyance in the Alps. Want proof? This week, Geneva hosted the Salon International de la Haute Horlogerie (SIHH for short), one of the calendar’s best and biggest showcases of new luxury watches from some of the finest watchmakers in the world. On the stands, we saw much of what you’d expect: sober dress watches, chronographs by the dozen, lots of loving throwbacks to designs of the past. But there was also more than a smidge of what is best described as the utterly batshit.

Almost every stand featured something outrageous or irrational. These showstoppers are created to highlight what the expertise in this industry is capable of – and what it can charge for those skills. Most of what follows could only really find itself on an oligarch’s shopping list but there’s nothing wrong with having a look, is there? Here are the craziest timekeeping designs we saw…

Panerai Lo Scienziato Luminor 1950 Tourbillon GMT Titanio

Panerai

For this limited edition tribute to Galileo Galilei, Panerai have pulled out every stop they could get their hands on. Skeletonised features include hours, minutes, small seconds, GMT, six-day power reserve and a tourbillon, yet it is astonishingly light. How? It’s made from titanium – which is 40% lighter than steel – and not just any old titanium, either. Using a fibre optic (fricking) laser and powdered titanium, the watch is built up layer by layer until the 3D object is finally complete and functioning. They didn’t need to do that. Nobody does. This is engineering one-upmanship at its staggering, illogical best. It’s yours for 139,000 euros.

IWC Big Pilot’s Watch Heritage 55

IWC

At a whopping 55mm, this beast of a pilot’s watch may attract the odd Flavor Flav snide, but its heritage and functionality are not to be sniffed at. Based on big IWC models models from the 1930s, the gigantic dial is designed to be easily legible in a cockpit. The strap is big enough to fit over a flight suit and the oversized onion crown graspable even in a pair of gloves. Still, 55mm... You could hang the thing on your wall.

Montblanc Navigator 110 Years Edition

Montblanc

This particular timepiece is designed to live on your yacht (or one of them, at least). Standing almost a metre tall from a granite base, this marine navigator is held in a complicated suspension system that keeps the whole structure horizontal system as you pitch over the waves. The clock itself features a worldtime function with 24 cities indicated on two three dimensional globes at 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock. Chiefly composed of white gold, it also comes with a pocket watch of the same design that can be placed back on its own compartment when you’re not using it. There’s only one of these in the world. It’s Montblanc’s 110th birthday this year so you can’t blame them for pushing the boat out …and sticking a massive clock on the bow that costs 395,000 euros.

Hautlence Primary Vortex

Hautlence

We overheard this stained-glass number from Hautlence described as something like a cathedral on your wrist. The colourful sapphire patterns remind us more of the Eames house, but co-designer Eric Cantona (now an artist and actor) had something else in mind. He says the gridded panels represent the fact that we’re all prisoners of time and the stained glass speaks to the way art can liberate us… Classic Cantona, really: ever the showman.

Roger Dubuis Velvet Ribbon

Roger Dubuis

Looking for a statement gift this Valentine’s Day? If you have 1.2m Swiss francs in your back pocket, you could buy the lucky girl one of these. Nice, huh? Described as a piece of fine jewellery that also happens to tell the time, the watch features 813 diamonds, totalling more than 52 carats. We’re not geologists at AskMen, but we understand the Titanic was brought down by something smaller. If you want one, be quick: there are only eight of these in the world. Think of the brownie points though.

Sherman by MB&F

MB&F

MB&F have previous when it comes to whimsical horology. Many of their designs are playful and experimental, so the arrival of Sherman the roboclock should not surprise anyone. In the company’s own words, Sherman doesn’t actually do very much. He “doesn’t walk, talk, weld cars, or roam Mars. He doesn’t try to kill Sarah Connor, help Luke Skywalker, warn Will Robinson, vacuum the floor, star in feature-length films, or enforce the law.” He simply tells you the time, and does that rather well; his ‘brain’ is the movement’s regulator, while his body is the movement itself.

Van Cleef & Arpels Midnight Nuit Lumineuse

Van Cleef & Arpels

Heavens above, Van Cleef & Arpels went to astronomical lengths to create this piece. Harnessing the power of piezoelectricity, the mechanical movement creates enough charge to power electroluminescent diodes which back-light six diamonds on the starry-night dial.

Vacheron Constatin Reference 57260

Vacheron Constantin

What you’re looking at here is the most complicated mechanical watch in the world. Commissioned by a client whose identity has been kept secret, this one-of-a-kind timepiece took three master watchmakers eight years to build. Vacheron Constantin first unveiled it in the autumn but it it’s quite a thing to see in the flesh. It has a record-breaking 57 complications, including multiple calendars, alarms and something called a Double Retrograde “Rattrapante” Chronograph, all of which function thanks to a movement of mind-boggling complexity. This isn’t rocket science; it’s much harder than that.

Hublot Ferrari MP-05 LaFerrari Sapphire

Hublot

Hublot wasn’t a part of SIHH but AskMen took the opportunity to pop in and see them (when in Switzerland and all that). We’re glad we did, because we caught a glimpse of the brand’s latest collaboration with Ferrari. An update of 2013’s MP-05 LaFerrari, this is all about the brand’s record-breaking movement. It has 637 components and a tourbillon with a 50-day power reserve, accomplished by the spine of barrels running down the middle. So what’s new? The polished sapphire crystal case, painstakingly made over 600 hours. Like a glass box at a museum, it’s job is to hold and show off something rare and magical. We’re not entirely sure what you’d wear it with, mind.