SITE DISCLAIMER

Deadly Good

Satire

Now that the frenzied Holiday shopping season is finally over Apple is set to reimagine hands-free iPhone viewing with iDangle — the company's great leap forward into functional wearable technology. Move over Google Glass it's dangle time.

“This is the Apple at its best,” said analyst Gene Munster of Piper Jaffray. “It’s a total surprise — and it should silence the critics who have been questioning Apple’s ability to innovate under Tim Cook.”

With a clever slogan like “Innovation is staring you in the face.” — there's no doubt that Apple plans to disrupt the use of cumbersome bike mounts and obsolete hand holding with something far more exciting.

iDangle will retail for $199 and be available in range of Apple-esque colors — including champagne.

Every new relationship begins with that glorious honeymoon period. You spend as much time as you can together. You're constantly holding each other. You spend time in bed with her and every little thing she does seems so amazing. It's love at first sight.

That's exactly how it feels to embrace a brand new iPhone and fondle it with loving care right out of the box. It's the first thing you see every morning when you wake up and the last thing you see going to bed at night.

College Humor pokes fun at this sad but true loving relationship between a man and his precious iPhone in their new video “New iPhones are Like New Girlfriends”.

Although that magical honeymoon period does eventually loose its glimmer — like big, dumb, shaved apes we all rush back in to strike up a fresh relationship with a new and improved version of the same old thing.

True love can last forever — as long as you update it on a regular basis.

If San Francisco indie developer Elam Nikserof has his way with Apple — a wicked new multi-player game called “NK Nukes” will be worming its way into the App Store within the next few weeks.

His free novelty app let's players target major cities across the United States from North Korea — giving users the option of choosing a Kim Jong-iI or little Kim Jong-Un likeness to ride atop an array of nuclear bombs as they soar through the air in an attempt to obliterate America.

Nikersoff used the wildly popular iShoot tank game as his inspiration, but included the ability to target actual U.S. cities on a map, with recognizable landmarks that can be instantly blown into rubble with missiles that vary in range from 4,000-miles and well beyond. The skill comes in with both aim and triggering launches at the right moment.

Mapping out locations before pushing the big red button along with extreme, life-like explosions is a big part of this game's charm according to its supreme creator — along with Kim Jong-Un randomly appearing on screen screaming out threats of a “merciless blitz” when achieving certain milestones.

While it's unlikely that this timely and tasteless app of mass destruction will ever get approval by Apple — Nikserof is not giving up on making a grand effort to ultimately reach the App Store.

“If Apple doesn't get the joke and won't concede to launching this harmless app, it will be ready for Android users to snatch up. It could break out today or tomorrow,” said Elam Nikserof.

“This let's blow up America game is all about dropping bombs, not dropping beats. I'm sure Google will jump on my masterpiece without a doubt. I've taken all necessary precautions to succeed.”

Although mister Nikserof declined to share any “extremely dangerous” screen shots from the game, he ensured iPhone Savior that his artwork would not fail to impress gamers — offering up a tip that a Dennis Rodman looking character might just pop his big head out when a certain city gets destroyed.

The athlete was the first American to meet North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un in Pyongyang at the end of Februay. Rodman go boom? I'm liking the sound of this one already.

It's a glorious time for shoppers to be iPhone owners with Walmart announcing that they are tripling their iPhone “Scan and Go” program into a dozen new markets spanning from Seattle to Oklahoma— allowing customers to bypass long checkout lines at traditional registers.

The successful pilot program originally launched into 70 stores lets shoppers scan items with their iPhone from around the store and then pay at self-checkout counters.

“Shoppers scan bar codes on items they want to buy, using the Walmart app on their iPhone, iPod touch or iPad to keep track of the planned purchases and the total cost,” Reuters reported Wednesday morning. “Then they pay at a self-checkout screen, bypassing the typical registers.”

Walmart indicated that for now, “Scan and Go” is available only on Apple iOS devices, but ensured that an Android version will be released in the immediate future — also hinting that digital coupons would be arriving soon.

Early testing for the beta program revealed that more than half of all “Scan and Go” shoppers used the feature again — customers receive an electronic receipt along with a paper one.

“We want our customer feedback to dictate the experience,” Gibu Thomas, senior vice president of mobile and digital at Walmart Global eCommerce, said this week. “You'll see this roll out to more markets.”

There's finally hope for those suffering from Hyper Involuntary Panic Stress Tension Elevation or what many commonly refer to as HIPSTER disorder. Those constant trips to the Apple store may become manageable for the first time ever.

Unpretentiousil is a new scientific breakthrough that has been clinically proven to stop "douchebaggery at its root" — rather than other less effective treatments which only treat surface symptoms.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for those HIPSTER sufferers living in Brooklyn and Portlandia or anywhere else for that matter. Thanks Unpretentiousil.

Note: Unpretentiousil may be harmful to those who are allergic to change.

The dangerous minds at JibJab have managed to poke fun at a Facebook stock fail, Honey Boo Boo Child, The Fiscal Cliff and Arnold Schwarzenegger in this wildly clever, animated musical extravaganza.

Hosted by two Mayan warriors, the JibJab Year In Review “2012: The End Is Here,” wishes everyone a 2013 if we ever live to tell about it. You can watch behind the scenes making of the video animation here.

Just because something is handcrafted in Portland, Oregon doesn't mean it's instantly cool.

Case in point is The GOOD Book 5 — equal parts hillbilly iPhone case and artist's little helper that comes with a regular old sketchbook tucked inside so you can git your fancy drawin' on at will.

One wildly popular Apple blog found love at first sight with just one look at this sexy leather-backed beauty.

“I’m quite taken by this simple case, especially as it has space for a paper notebook.” gushed a Cult of Mac reviewer.

The best news is that each case is "designed to consolidate the many items we carry in our pockets everyday," which means credit card slots are built in. Plus it ships with an extra sketchbook too. Jackpot!

It's extremely dificult to imagine a more fashionable or practical way to part with $60 dollars. Just kidding. I'm out on this one.

The dangerous minds at JibJab have made it incredibly simple to add any face into PSY's "Gangnam Style" music video for your viewing pleasure. We decided to throw our hero Steve Jobs into the video to rock it hardcore and the result is totally amazing.

Since Apple's co-founder has already appeared rapping as a hologram for the iPhone 5 launch, it doesn't seem like it could get much worse than that — until now of course.

You can create your own free Gangnam Style JibJab video and share it, but the download will cost $4.99 to own on your desktop or mobile device.

This ball of fun will be the best Christmas gift ever and I have a feeling it going to go over huge in Korea.

Even if you're a casual Instagram fanatic and haven't ever posted pictures of food or your feet on the beach — then you're just not living right.

College Humor has whipped out a hysterical parody video "Look At This Instagram" which accurately highlights everything that we all hate about Instargram — but we just keep doing it anyway. Hundreds of shameless times a day even.

"Now a selfie lookin' cute, in the same room where I poop."

The double parody whammy here is retooling a Nickelback song as the video soundtrack. Instagram is one of the greatest photography apps ever invented — the only missing tool is YOU.