1.) Move your car out of red faculty/staff parking. I’ve been there. You get back to the dorms late at night, and there are no blue spots left. You whiz into a red parking spot, promising yourself that you’ll wake up before 8:00 am to move it, so that the Physical Plant Popo doesn’t catch you and slap a ticket on your windshield. You go to bed, and your wrongfully parked car completely slips from your mind until you walk out the door the next morning, and see it still sitting in red. There’s a fat $60 fine in the corner of your windshield, and most likely a pissed off professor somewhere on campus as well, because they did not get to park in their coveted spot that day. Simply parking farther away the night before would have done the trick and saved you money – just a little more walking.

2.) Wear the pants two days in a row. Unless the pants are a bright color of some sort, I promise you no one is going to notice besides yourself. Or if you got Einsteins’ schmear on them. Then change them.

3.) Explicitly ask for the student discount wherever and whenever you go out to eat. If they don’t offer a student discount, at least you asked. Be sure to bring your Trojan I.D. with you to prove you are a student. Disclaimer: Sorry, the cashier at the McDonald’s won’t take your Student ID number unless you have a physical I.D. to prove it.

4.) Take your bike. This way you can even burn off the ramen noodles you ate for lunch.

6.) Casually forget money when you go out to eat so that your friends will have to pay for you. Speaks for itself. This is an art form. The key is variety. You have to mix up your excuses. “Oops, must have left my wallet in my unschmeared pants.” Or “Oops, I thought they took Trojan Gold here.” Or “oops, my cancer . . .”

7.) Go on a walk. Keep your eyes peeled for coins on the road or sidewalk. Burns those ramen calories too.

8.) Go to Alaska. Kill a bear. Bring the fur back to wear in the winter as a coat. INSTANT heating bill savings. Pretty self-explanatory as well. Why wouldn’t you do this one?

9.) Print fake money. There’s a reason printing is free here at DSU.

10.) Rob a bank. Again, obvious. ​You can hide out at the Trojan Times office. We’re cool.