The kids started school last week and I’m the one who got sick. How the hell did this happen? The kids are totally fine. The kids who are around germ-infested other little kids are completely fine. I knew I should’ve used...

Yesterday the baby turned one and I don’t know about you, but I am so not impressed that she can’t clean up her room, which is really our room, or help carry in the groceries yet. What a lazy-ass baby. She...

Last week, I wrote about the self-loathing I feel for my body. It’s not all the time and I certainly don’t spend every waking hour obsessing over it. But I have days, like everyone else (I hope), where I look down...

I took the 9-year-old to Home Depot. Because kids really love it when you drag them to Home Depot while you contemplate, for 30 minutes, which poison will kill spiders the quickest. Lately, I’ve been staring at the 9-year-old and can’t...

Sunday. Carl and I had a scare yesterday afternoon and I’m still reeling. A couple beers and a few dozen chocolate-covered strawberries and I am still wringing my hands and frenetically walking around like a fly with no purpose. I’ll write...

The baby and I were up early again today because she likes to fuck with my sleep habits. So we went outside for a few minutes because anything longer than that and your body totally starts withering in the South Florida...

My parents didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up in Seattle. They worked their asses off and still barely made ends meet. They gave me the best possible life they could: they sent me to the best...

Carl and I went out to dinner last night. Actually, it seemed like it was late afternoon since the sun was still out. When you have three kids under the age of 10, you only go out during, what seniors so...

I daydream. A lot (it’s probably why I don’t get a lot of stuff done). Maybe it’s because I’m an only child and had to find amusing ways to entertain myself, especially while on car trips with my parents who would...