update

Registered User

Hi Everyone
I haven't been on here for a while, really have not had much free time at all. My own parents have been ill and also MIL with AZ.
To update, MIL had been diagnosed with COPD which her doctor decided not to treat because the medication regime would be too much for her to cope with. We agreed with that.
Because she was adamant she would not go into a care home we were at a loss as what to do. We decided to get in her carers more often, four times a day which was working out ok, for the time being. It gave us a bit of relief. Two weeks ago my husband Richard found MIL on the kitchen floor where she had slept all night. She was in a very confused state. We called in the social worker and AZ lady and also called in the doctor. To cut a long story short she has been in hospital for two weeks now. She had bronchitis and high temperature. She has had antibiotics for the infection and her temp is now normal. Her BP is very low at the moment 80/44 (it doesnt seem to be of concern). She is being kept in hospital until the meeting between social worker, CPN, and ourselves on 25th April. We honestly don't know what is going on. No-one is explaining anything. Health wise we have to really push to get any information at all. She wasnt incontinent when she was admitted to hospital but after being in there only one day she is wetting herself. She is losing weight also.
Because MIL did not want to go into a care home, we had thought of various ways of what we could do. A few months ago we went to look at a property whereby we could have MIL living with us but in her own annex. We could still have carers coming in. The value of the property would have meant selling our home and MIL and using the capital to purchase the new property. We put in an offer which was quite a bit less than the asking price, and left it at that. But now that MIL is in hospital there is talk of making her go into care, against her wishes. We don't know where we stand at all. I don't know if any of you have had dealings in these matters at all. To cap everything off, last night the vendor from the property rang us direct to say he will accept our offer......things only get more and more complicated. We really do not know what we can do or who can advise us.
Any advice would be greatly apreciated.
Thanks,
Diane and Richard

Registered User

While this is a decision that only you can make, you should be aware of a couple of things. No one can be forced into care against their will (unless they are sectioned), although it is possible to "manage" someone into it, nor can you be forced to place her in care if you want to take care of her yourself. The issue is: can you do it, over both the short term and the long term. It seems as if most dementia sufferers go downhill when they are hospitalized, and that decline may or may not be permanent. One thing you can be sure, though, is that there will continue to be a decline, so you have to look at your own internal resources to see wether you can cope. Another point to remember: there are good and not so good care homes out there - do not assume that option is the wrong one, even if your MIL has expressed distaste for it - many people do not have an accurate idea of what is available.