Sex fuck dick chat jane austen dating game

07-Jan-2018 19:35

‘Puzzled, I pull my cock out to discover that it is COVERED in rotted and moldy butter and semen and TEEMING WITH TINY FUCKING MAGGOTS.

‘They were wriggling all over my dick head and some were even trying to force their way up into my urethra.’ He then, naturally, threw the coconut across the room in horror and had to clean up the maggoty, semeny, coconutty mess from his floor.

But just in case the initial story was clearly not enough to dissuade people from ever, ever putting their penis in a coconut, we thought we’d just repeat the message here, firmly. Fruit, vegetables, and other food objects (yes, even pies) are not designed to put your penis inside.

They’re filled with sugars that can cause damage to the delicate skin on the penis (and will wreak havoc on the vagina, if you happen to follow up your coconut-f***ing by putting your penis in an actual vagina), and can be abrasive and acidic.

We start on the bed with me on top and make our way to the desk.

He’s so hot, lifting me up and placing me on his wooden table so he can enter me from a good angle. We’ve spent a lot of time together and need a break.

It’s heaven.’ We’re just going to pause here to let everyone get over the visual of a coconut sloshing with semen and butter. Now, while this story has been horrifying from the get-go, this is where it gets worse. ‘About a week and a bit after the initial coconut fuck (I had been using it pretty much every day since then) I begin to notice a few more flies than usual as well as an odd, unpleasant smell about my room,’ he says. So I decide that I’ll fuck it once more before I throw it out and get a new one. ‘You see, the reason for the increased number of flies was that the coconut was evidently, in hindsight, a nearly perfect place to lay eggs.

Over on the TIFU (that’s today I f***ed up, for the uninitiated) subreddit, one man going by coconutthrowaway69, has shared a story titled ‘TIFU by cumming in a coconut’. ‘Around eight years back I lived in Northern Mozambique, a coastal southern African country with quite a warm climate,’ this mystery coconut-banger explains.

Plus, as the story indicates, it’s not very hygienic to leave fruit and veg around after slicing into it – especially after filling it with semen.

Instead of resorting to makeshift sex toys, it might be time to normalise men going to a store and buying things specifically made for the purposes of masturbating.

He then decided to share his story with the world, as a word of warning to other people with penises considering sticking said penises in coconuts.

sex dating in perry hall maryland

But instead of serving as a warning, it gave people ideas.

Both Ann Summers and LELO have dedicated men’s sex toys sections, complete with all the Fleshlights, cock rings, and prostate massagers your heart and penis could possibly desire.