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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Ghost of Mayor Bailey: Roger didn't kill me!

In an exclusive interview with The Babbler, the ghost of Bolingbrook Mayor Robert "Bob" Bailey denied that Mayor Roger Claar had in role in his death.

"Roger didn't kill me! I died from natural causes!" Exclaimed Bailey.

According to Bailey, he was resting in peace, when he heard someone try to summon him. After the thirteenth attempt, he decided to visit Bolingbrook, to see who was bothering him. He made his way to a dark room in a professional medium's home. Four people, and the medium were trying to summon him. Bailey said the conversation went like this:

Medium: I sense the presence of a man with a uniquely ethnic last name. It could be a woman with a low voice.

Man 1: Could it be Mayor Bailey?

Medium: Yes. Yes, I can hear him now. It is Mayor Bailey!

Bailey: I haven't said anything!

Man2: Ask him about Roger!

Medium: I'm sensing some kind of strong emotion. Did they know each other?

Man3: Yes, Roger succeeded him as mayor.

Man2: After he died in office.

Bailey: I didn't die in office!

Medium: The emotion is stronger now. He's trying to say something about his death. Do you know how he died?

Bailey: I died in Little Rock.

Woman: We're pretty sure Roger had something to do with it.

Bailey: He had nothing to do with it!

Medium: I'm sensing a rage. Maybe he was the victim of a great injustice, and he wants you four to bring justice to his restless soul!

Bailey: No I don't!

Man1: That's settles it. Roger killed Mayor Bailey in order to become mayor!

Bailey: No he didn't! The only injustice here is that you are about to pay this con artist!

Man2: We have to tell Bonnie!

Woman: Only she can bring Roger to justice!

Bailey: Are you guys deaf? Roger didn't kill me!

Bailey then went to The Babbler's offices, "because I know you guys have access to decent mediums! I'm sorry I called you guys a bunch of professional liars back in the 70s."

Bailey was mayor of Bolingbrook twice. First from 1977 to 1981. Then he served a second term from 1985 to 1986. He resigned after he was accused of mail fraud in 1986, and succeeded by Claar. Bailey was later acquitted of the charges

"Roger didn't like the way I ran things." Said Bailey. "I didn't like the way he wanted to run things. But we never hated each other. In fact, he said some nice things about me at my memorial service. Still, Roger should have stepped down after I was acquitted. Then I could have become mayor again."

Bailey also helped incorporate the village of Bolingbrook.

In a 1972 interview with The Babbler, he said, "Back then Naperville was responsible for Clow UFO Base. Then they started to get worried about the aliens. They said they had a reputation to uphold. I said they could keep their reputation. Just give us the land and the aliens."

Bailey says he doesn't follow Bolingbrook politics, but does visit the current village hall, which was constructed during his term, and now bears his name.

"I like how they've kept up the building. I really like the patio by Roger's office. I think that's new."

When called Mayor Claar to comment, he answered the phone by saying, "I have not signed a deal with Halliburton!" When this reporter said that wasn't the question, Claar replied, "We'll I haven't and that's all I'm saying!"

As Claar started to hang up the phone, this reporter heard a male voice saying, "Perhaps we can go to your new suite in Dubai and discuss our counter-offer."

"Even the veil of death cannot conceal Roger's corruption!" He said. "We will go anywhere and ask any question to get to the truth. The battle lines have been drawn. You're either with us or you're against us. If you're against us, then you're with Roger. If you're with Roger, then you support pay for play. If you support pay for play, then you are evil!"

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