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Friday, March 1, 2013

Oscars 2013: The Bad!

Wow, you guys really did not like what Renee Zellweger wore at all! Also, we are all in agreement that she was drunk at the Oscars. Let's keep that in mind for when we go to the Oscars: wait until the afterparty!

THE BAD

Sally Field!

Sally. Sally, Sally Sally. What has happened here? Why are you in the unholy union of Rihanna's dress from the Grammys and a very large crinoline? With a train! It hurts all the more because you were doing so well.

Steven Spielberg (seen here with Kate Capshaw)!

Worst fitting tux of the night! He looks like a little boy in his dad's suit. Get it together! (Also, I know the 90s are back and all, but can we please put the kibosh on the choker trend? Other than that, Kate looks fantastic. Against all odds, I love the shoes.)

Naomie Harris!

Miss Moneypenny is threatening a money shot. Besides the highest slit this side of Angelina, the bodice is awful and the color isn't great on her.

Oh my god. I mean beyond the fact that this tux is far too large for him, Quentin couldn't be bothered to button his top button nor properly wear his... is that a leather tie!?!?!?!? Oh god, it just keeps getting worse. And then when he, you know, ACCEPTED HIS OSCAR his shirt collar was halfway popped. Disaster-mess. As for Ms. Spiderbaby (not a typo...apparently), that is the worst and least-flattering neckline I have ever seen. Paired with the little braids, the voluminous and too-long skirt, and the pattern on the top, it's really just awful. Will the two of you just go home and try again please?

Amanda Seyfried!

I am begging you, Amanda: wear a jewel tone.

La Kidman!

I'm not sure the Oscars are the right time to pay sartorial homage to all of the mollusks lost in the BP oil spill. Additionally, surely you can hire someone to help you with your hair?

Anne Hathaway!

Ugh. There is a time and a place for a big ol' necklace but this is not it. Between the neckline and the baby pink gown, this just screams junior prom to me. It's really not good, Anne. Not good at all.

Sandra Bullock!

Can we please be done with this trend now? Actually, I'd be glad if we were done with both the long lace dress over short nude lining AND poker straight hair in your face on the red carpet. It's so boring! It flies directly in the face of our primary rule: Don't Bore Nina.

Kelly Rowland!

Well this is the opposite of boring. The skirt is far too tight, I don't understand why half her bodice looks like it's trying to escape, and on top of all that she looks like a conehead. Kelly, honey, I am definitely not ready for this jelly.

Amy Adams!

It looks like the top of a really interesting gown got drunk halfway down and threw up all over itself. Congratulations, Amy. I have finally found an Oscar de la Renta gown I hate and you are wearing it. I'm questioning my entire life now.

Melissa McCarthy!

Oh girl. Oh no. No no no. Whoever styled you for this event is not your friend. Drop them immediately.

Jennifer Garner (seen here with Ben Affleck)!

Look at that necklace! YES! That's what I'm talking about! And this color is divine on her! But...wait...what's that ruffle stuff in the back...?

My favorite comments that I heard where Amy Adams dress looks like a swiffer duster and Nicole Kidman's dress looks like she gave birth to some weird alien and they didn't have time to stitch her back up. I do love your take on Nicole's dress.

Did you see the dress that Anne was supposed to wear and switched because it was too similar to Amanda's? If there was ever a moment to pull the diva, I'm nominated and you're not card, the Prada debacle was it.