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March 05, 2006

Sundays, songs that start with "S", Serious sentences.

I'm lying in bed....I've been here for a while...looking at the ceiling fan. We all know how much I love it here. Seriously, am I THE laziest person ever?! Maybe. All I know is that I like to just sit and think about things, listening to music....I've composed FIVE blog posts that will never actually be published...I just wrote them and deleted them. That's what I needed. Its possible that I wont publish this one either...I'll come to the end and realize it was just for me...

Sometimes, things arent meant to be "published". I was thinking recently what would I do if I felt like I should stop blogging. I know I've mentioned it before, but this blog is not just something I just DO everyday...several times a day, without thinking....at LEAST once a week I think about stopping it. For various reasons, and every single time I feel reassured that it is not just fueling some inner need to be "listened to" or "be important" or something utterly selfish, no I think for the moment it's still more than that...as long as it brings glory to God in some way I'll keep dealing with all the drama that it seems to inevitably bring. But...that doesnt mean that one day I'll need to stop. So, what would I do? I've even wondered if, maybe, I'd be a better writer if I DIDNT post on my blog so much, if maybe then I'd write some amazing memoir...hahaha! Maybe one day we'll all get to find out. I've also wondered how many people would actually MAKE the effort to still keep in touch with me if i didnt have something that was so easy to read everyday. It's like the spoon feed version of me. It would definitely be harder to get into my head, and would anyone think it was worth it? hehe...woaaa....thoughts like that make me just want to stop today just to see what would happen....but no, that really WOULD be selfish. No, this is better...this way no one has to comment unless they want to, they dont have to read it unless they want to, they dont have to email unless they want to....this is better.

I was just reading a friends blog and I totally understood what she meant by being totally content and yet STILL wanting to go somewhere. Lately, I've really really wanted to go to Asia. So many places and people there that I want to see....and then there's Africa...all those faces, I can close my eyes and see their faces..I just want to hug some of those little girls....but, instead, I'll just lie here in bed...thinking and writing sentences in my head.

Listening to: "Strength to Shout" Mikeschair"Stronger than" Hillsong"Stuck in a Moment" U2"Stuck in the middle with you" Stealers Wheel