Cool Man Eddie is retiring (fiction)

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|(c) Klaproth, 1998 |
+-------------------+
Hello and welcome to the Everything2 Job Center! We are excited to have you
as a prospective (slave/employee/bot) of Everything2. The present document
is automatically generated for the position of:
Cool Being / BOT-20001115
If you are not interested in the position described above, or if you have
further questions about the position, please press ^X and ask your
*E2 Job Center Specialist (c)* to assist you.
This document will help us determine whether you are a good fit for working
at Everything2. Please answer all questions truthfully and without the aid of
any kind of tools, including but not limited to Palm organizers,
graphing calculators, pocket knives, any kind of UV technology,
emulsifiers of any kind, time machines and 4-days-in-24-hour realities.
This test will measure:
- Basic mathematical skills with prime numbers larger than 1e9
- Familiarity with Internet culture and lore
- Emotional sensitivity to cultural expressions from all seven continents,
Antarctica, Guam, Siam and Zanzibar.
Please note that for security purposes, the sections of this application will
be presented in random order
Multiple choice questions (1/??)
================================
For every question press only the single letter of
the answer that can't not be the false one.
1. Is it better to be suave or cool?
d) Suave
p) Cool
2. In Scotland, is it customary to put sugar in the porridge?
b) Yes
q) No!
3. The repeated voluntary constriction of the Musculus sphincter ani externus
is a healthy alternative to any of the drugs under ATC code N06
d) For real!
b) Malarkey!
4. You observe a green apple.
The likelihood that the next raven you come across is black is now...
p) Lower than before
q) Higher than before
b) All of the above
d) None of the above
5. Let "x(t)" be a stochastic process. The value "x(t_n)" given
x(t_n-1), ... x(t_1) is exactly the same as the value "x(t_n)" given only
"x(t_n-1)". Is this a Markov Process?
d) Yes
b) No
q) Maybe
p) All of the above
x. "You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it
with no understanding of what is going wrong."
Is this a good representation of Enlightenment?
b) No
d) Yes
q) Yes, with Magic
p) Yes, with More Magic
x. A mother's love is best demonstrated by:
d) Saying "I love you"
p) Serving cereal
q) Cleaning game
b) Ignoring you
True/False questions (1/??)
===========================
The following section contains questions that may only be answered with
"True" or "False". After every question, you may press:
- "T" if you believe the answer is (T)rue
- "f" if you believe the answer is (f)alse
- "t" if you wish to (t)ake some time to think
- "F" if you wish to (F)orfeit the question
- "^T" if you want to (T)urn back to the last question
- "^f" if you want to (f)orward to the next question
- "^t" if you want to (t)ake a second guess
- "^F" if you want to con(F)irm your answer
Please note that it is not necessary to press the RETURN key after your
selection. Every question has a maximum time to be answered before the system
automatically jumps to the next question. This time has been calculated to be
enough for all applicants with either a Mensa membership card or
>200 TFLOPS of brain power.
1. All nontrivial zeros "z" of the Riemann zeta function
have Re(z)=0.5 (5.2 seconds):
2. A person who lives modestly can save money and therefore
can afford to pay taxes (1.5 seconds):
3. A person who lives extravagantly is rich and therefore
can afford to pay taxes (1.5 seconds):
4. A wizard has turned you into a whale.
Is this awesome? (1.0 seconds):
5. Is 103567 prime? For the purposes of this application, let us define that
any integer p is prime if and only if it has only two positive
divisors, namely 1 and p. The use of Erathostenes' method is not
advised unless it can be performed in under 1 second (1 second):
Open-ended questions (1/??)
===========================
The purpose of the following questions is to discover abilities, skills or
knowledge that you may possess that may be undiscovered in previous parts of
this application. At this point feel free to ask your *E2 Job Center Specialist
(c)* for pen and paper to answer the following questions at length.
1. Define the Universe. Give three examples
2. If God created everything (see Genesis 1) , why did he create problems
for himself by creating a serpent who would lead his creations astray?
Why did God create a tree he did not want Adam and Eve to know about,
and then go out of his way to warn them against it?
3. How would you find the world's best barber?
4. What is the length of England's coastline, in meters?
5. What, in your opinion, is the definition of
just retribution? Give two examples
6. Share all (if any) of your contributions to Everything Theory
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| Please insert the Floppy disk labeled #2 |
| and press ENTER to continue... |
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