1...Her children are her half-siblings and she the daughter her husband never knew he fathered...

2...Although each had married the other for money, she isn't Italian, or Catholic, or wealthy, but instead is a poor Hasidic who works in Little Italy and he isn't a Texas billionaire, but instead is a Queens grease monkey who collects Roy Rogers memorabilia...

3...The shots he missed were not for the payoff but to punish the tyrannical coach he thought had driven his father to suicide 18 years earlier...

4...The "genius" injections that had seemed to work had no effect on his own intelligence but caused him to emit chemicals that made people near him dumber...

5...His late wife wasn't unfaithful and "his" children were brown and yellow because one testicle each from a negro and an Asian had been transplanted into his own scrotum...

6...The man he killed for "raping" his wife was really her lover and her first husband, or, more accurately, her only husband, since they had never divorced...

7...Nothing had been wrong with him and he spent more time than a year in a body cast being "tenderized" by a cannibal doctor...