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8.27.2013

Woah!! So I just lost 6 pounds in my first week of better living. The plan is to lose 44 pounds in five months which is doable if I lose about 2 pounds each week. I know 44 is a weird number to focus on, but I have a weird obsession with numbers. Story for a different day. I was really nervous about the first weigh in cause I had a weak moment yesterday and went to Burger King with Daniel. I had a burger, no fries or drink. But still I was like, "Why? You have to weigh in tomorrow." I instantly regretted it cause it wan't that great and I know I could make a better burger than that. I thought the burger would have brought me well over my calorie intake for the day but I had room for a banana later. haha You should have seen how excited I was about that. I also drank a lot of water for the rest of the day, and I ate a banana at night. (Bananas are my new best friend.) Then I went for a walk at 2:30 in the morning. I'm doing this thing where if I'm not sleeping by 2 - 2:30 I must go for a walk. Thankfully my place has a big roof so I can walk up there.

I know I shouldn't get too excited about these six pounds cause it's just the first week and this stuff is easier at first, especially if starting at a really big number. But it's still good to see. Gives extra motivation. I haven't dropped weight this fast since UltraMind Solution back in 2010. I think I might do that one again for a bit. Maybe not the full six weeks though, cause I'd miss eating Korean food. It really is a good program though. I did it in hopes of improving my mental health. Losing weight was an extra. Also got better skin and sadly found out that my body cannot handle dairy. I still cheat with that last one at times. So if I'm strong enough, I'd do it again. No more chicken and beer. wtfOk that's it. Maybe I'll check in about this in a few weeks, but it's not on top of my priority list to keep up blogging about dropping pounds. There's enough of that stuff out there.

8.25.2013

Two days ago I went into a bit of a rage. Last time that happened and I blogged right away, there was too much negative energy in the post. I'm still angry about these two topics cause neither of them can ever be made right, but I've calmed down. haha Just a bit though. For those of you who don't want to hear me talk about my boobs, feel free to scroll down to the Batman and start from there.

Ok, so if you've been reading my blog for a while or if you know me at all, you know that I had a breast reduction back in 2009. I've made some pretty awesome decisions in my life over the past five or so years, but that was definitely the best and most important. Once in a while I like to go to the breast reduction tag on tumblr, cause some people have questions about it and I'd randomly answer. And I also like to hear people's stories and I get the warm and fuzzies cause it's really an amazing thing to have that surgery for those who need/want it. But this last time I went to the tag I got really upset. I went through two stories of people who went from a very big cup size down to an A. I couldn't keep on this tag. I specifically remember my surgeon telling me that I'd never be a B cup. At the time I was pissed that he'd say that and wasn't going to take out more than half the fats, but I needed the surgery. It was a matter of life and death for me. And no I'm not being dramatic. My chest had more negative emotional side effect than physical.

So whatever. I go on with the surgery, I still remember waking up after it and looking down at my chest and crying so much. I was so happy. You should have seen how small they were. haha Work of art. By the time I was recovered I'd gone from a 36DDD to 36C. Literally went down half the size. I went from specialty bras that cost more than a good pair of shoes to being able to walk into any store and they'd have my size. (Eventually went bra free, but that's a different story.) I could buy proper size for clothes, sleep however I wanted, and I didn't want to mutilate my body anymore. Success.

In 2011 I gained some weight when I went to volunteer and the first place it went was my chest. This is when I really went bra free. Already bought a couple of bras and now I'd have to go up a size already? Forget it. I wasn't too worried cause I knew I could lose the weight and they'd go back down right? Wrong. I lost the weight from the trip and I still am bigger than what I was after surgery. Over the past couple of years I've been getting more and more upset about it. They're becoming more uncomfortable. If I sleep one way, they're literally choking me. If I sleep another way, the weight of them pulling down hurts. So sleeping has become a challenge once again. I'm getting depressed about it. So when I went to that tag on tumblr I got so mad because if my doctor had made my chest the size I wanted in the first place I wouldn't have this problem. My chest wouldn't have gotten back to this size. They obviously would have gotten bigger, but not to the point of choking me. So now I have to face another surgery, and I don't know where the money for this one will come from. I don't know if my province would cover a second breast reduction. And if they don't, where does that leave me?

Also this surgery is risky to begin with. I was lucky enough to still have feelings in both my nipples, but my chances of being that lucky again are slim. Not only that, but I'm at a greater risk of even losing my nipples second time around. ಠ_ಠ But it has to be done. I'm pissed at everything right now. I'm mad at my doctor for not taking out more fats. I'm mad at my body for giving me parts that I don't want or need. There was also one time that my nurse practitioner was giving me an exam and when she saw my chest she said "So you've got a lot of scarring there huh?" Oh thank you. Right when I'm beginning to accept my scars you have to go and point that out. wtf

On top of all this, I've gained some really bad eating habits over the past two years because of this. I've gone through periods of literally starving myself. And sometimes if I run out of money, I don't tell my dad cause I'd rather be forced to live off a can of tuna and some carrots. It beats eating a lot and having all these fats stay on me. Cause you know, life I lose a shit tonne of weight, my chest will have to go down. (I know that starving myself can make me gain more weight, but sometimes I'd get really desperate.) wtf Typing this out now makes me realise just how fucked up breasts have made me. I know how to eat properly, but sometimes my need to be an A cup overrides my common sense to do basic things like eating. Then some people have the nerve to comment when I tell them I want a second surgery, "But guys like breasts/big breasts." Do I look like the kind of person who gives a fuck about what men want or like? I don't give a fuck about men, let alone what they want. haha Like really think about that one. You don't like my tits, stay the fuck away. (And if you are concerned about what someone else thinks about your body, you should probably re-evaluate your life. Sorry but that's sad.)

Wow. Ok still very upset. Maybe even more that I've put this into words to look at. I've gotten back to hating when I see people with really small chest. Like A or B cup. Cause wow, you're so lucky. Do you even know that? And I know some people might say that people with flat or very little chest would want what I have. (Actually I don't think anyone would want to be choked by their chest at night.) But it's so much simpler to add then to take away when it comes to this situation. It's not as risky or invasive. The scarring is minimal and there is more control when going up a size. I don't have those luxuries. I never will. So this is why I get so mad. Next person to tell me to my face that god makes no mistakes is gonna get knocked out. I don't have time for that bullshit. Like really you trying to tell me that your god purposely gave me a troublesome body? This was his plan, make me suffer my whole life? ಠ_ಠ Oh ok. Moving on...

You already know where this is going, but I'd go on and talk about it anyways. I've been a huge Batman fan my whole life. He is my absolute favourite superhero. The only one who comes close is Beast, but that's a different world so whatever. I still remember when I was 4 or 5 and I'd watch Adam West Batman reruns with my brother. It's all still so clear. I can still remember specific scenes from episodes. It was the greatest thing ever. I used to play with dolls and kitchen sets and whatnot. All the “girly” things. But I also had a batman action figure.

I can't believe I actually have a picture of this thing on my computer. haha

Batman is my superhero just as much as Nine is my Doctor. So back in 2005 a new Batman movie comes out and I'm excited, but it was ok. Just ok. And I was super annoyed by the actor playing Batman. (I had no idea who he was at the time. wtf) But whatever. Then over the years I hear so much drama come out about him and I don't know why but I eventually come to hate him. And I get really upset that there'd be another two movies of him playing my superhero. Then the second one comes out and he's even more annoying than in the first and the movie wasn't even that good anyways. It was too long and I was only impressed by the scene when the batmobile gives birth to the batmocycle. wtf That was amazing. And then again when it went of the wall. Like wow. Really good job there. But that was it. That's all I like about The Dark Knight. The last one comes out and I only wanted to watch it cause I wanted Batman to be killed off. (You know an actor ruined your fav when you want the character killed off. So sad really.) Also I really like Tom Hardy and Marion Cotillard, and wow just an amazing cast altogether with the exception of Christian Bale. But that one sucked too, and I felt like it wasn't really finished. But whatever cause it was done. The days of Christian Bale ruining my favourite superhero were done. I'd tell everyone it's ok cause I'd wait for the next Batman movie series to come out in 10 – 15 years and I'll probably like the next one.

But no. They can't let Batman rest for a while. They have to put him in another movie so damn soon. Like really I think DC is panicking cause they've failed so hard in the past 10 years and can't come to Marvel's level. (I know Nolan's Batman was successful, but take that away and what do you have? Catwoman? Green Lantern? That's what I thought.) So whatever. They don't want to give me time to recover from the last. But not only that. They cast Ben Affleck!!! Really ruining my childhood here. Kind of glad I haven't seen Man of Steel yet, cause now I have no attachment to this series and I might just skip them both. probably not But the option is there.

So yeah, I raged really hard with this one, cause I feel so cheated. Thor, Iron Man, the last two Hulks, Magneto old & young among others have been perfectly cast. But the only one that matters can't get done right. People say give him a chance, but this man has failed so many times. Why give him a chance with something so epic? And he can even do an amazing job, but I still don't like him so it won't matter. Think of someone you really don't like in Hollywood. Then imagine them playing your favourite superhero. Pissed right? Could be the best one to do it, but you'd still hate it cause you're not a fan of that person. That's what it is. Like George Clooney was a terrible Batman, but I don't mind cause I really admire him and he was Dr. Doug Ross. So forever love. He can have a go at it again and I'd be ok. haha Ok maybe a stretch. But I think I made it clear. I don't care if Affleck does a good job or not, I just don't want him to be Batman. There's nothing more to say. I've been cheated twice. Hollywood still sucks. Bye

8.21.2013

In my last post I mentioned that I started blogging for Students Gone Global. Here's a bit of my most recent post...

So I've had a rough week and I've been in bed for the better part of four five days. Remember earlier in the year when North Korea was being annoying the and world was freaking out cause apparently World War III was going to break out? Yeah, that was fun. But really, I wasn't worried because when North Korea attacks, they don't warn the South. They just do it. So for future reference, if they're making noise, there’s a good chance nothing's going to happen.

Tumblr was down for a good while today and I honestly felt lost without it. But I did manage to get a post out so I guess it was a good thing. I'm still not feeling 100% and I'm scared to step outside because of the heat. But I have things to do and I'm determined to get them out of the way before school starts.

I'm actually really excited to be starting school again. Not because I'm bored, but because I finally get to experience Korean academic life. Last semester I was in the Korean language program. So no Koreans in my class and a completely different set of rules. It really is a separate system. But now I get to experience the real thing and I'm excited. I'm also excited for a more relaxed schedule. Last semester I had class five days a week, four hours a day. This time around, I'll only be in classes for half the amount of time and I get to sleep in most days. Fridays no class at all!! It really is a beautiful schedule. But I'm also going to take Korean classes outside of KyungHee. I really can't see the point in continuing to live here but giving up the language. That'll be on four days a week and I still have Fridays completely free.

I also gotta figure out where I can fit in a weekend trip to Gwangju. I miss that place so much. It'll be weird going back and not being able to see all the same faces. But It'll be worth it. I also really like long bus rides. So I'm taking advantage of this opportunity.

And now, a picture of food that I can't eat cause of ice cream. But it looks damn good...

8.20.2013

Over the past week or so, I have put this pressure on myself to have some kind of epic 100th post. As a result of this pressure, I haven't posted at all. Well sort of. I've been posting on my photoblog a bit more, and I started blogging for Students Gone Global.

I haven't really done much lately. I most recently put myself in confinement because my uterus is shedding and for some reason I haven't been able to control my body temperature, eat or sleep, I've been rude to people and I've been in a lot of pain. So I've just been laying in bed for the better part of four days. And now my body is feeling even worse from lack of moving.

I'm not going to make this post any special cause my life hasn't been that special, and because I made a big deal of my one year anniversary of blogging. August is almost done and I have so much business to take care of. I've been avoiding a lot of it because of the damn weather. I know I said I want to live in Korea forever, but this heat I really cannot handle. 32+ degrees for the rest of the week. So I've been looking into England. haha But apparently there's been a lot of issues with immigration recently. The "go home" buses being one of the recent ones. I don't know where to go!! haha Somebody help me out here. As soon as I graduate university, I want to be on a plane, but a destination is needed.

For the 50th time in my life, I've decided to get healthy again. Which obviously doesn't include these past four days for obvious reasons. But I've downloaded all the apps and I follow a bunch of good channels on youtube. There are no more fatty snacks in my room. Lots of fruits and veggies and various proteins. Also a lot of bananas. Remember when I had a problems with the bananas in Korea cause they sold them in huge bunches that couldn't be separated? Well a few months back, I think it was Daphne who told me that you can sometimes. You just gotta take it to the person working in the produce section and they'd weigh it for you. But I don't think you can do this if a bunch already has a price tag.

Bless

The only problem I might have with this get healthy thing is with the exercising. My room is incredibly small so there's absolutely no room to do anything indoors. Which is unfortunate because I brought my workout DVDs with me. That's my favourite way to exercise. So I'm kind of just stuck with walking. And maybe when the weather cools down a bit I'll start running. Haven't done that since high school. Need to find a strong tensor band for that one though. I've also been told about a good yoga studio nearby me. Yoga isn't my favourite, but it’s something to look into.

I'd end off with some random pictures from my phone cause I have nothing else to say at the moment. As always, thank you for reading!!

Why I have to come all the way to Korea to see these? Do they even exist in Canada?They're also off my food list for awhile, but they taste very good.

8.11.2013

Met up with some friends today and I had very entertaining train ride home. But first, a little bit of information about Korean subway cars. On the ends of each car, there are six seats reserved for the elderly, disabled and pregnant people. The first time I rode the subway here, my friend let me know that nobody else sits in these seats. The train could be packed, but people still are not going to sit there. This has been true for the most part. Sometimes though, an older person travelling with their grandchild will sit in those seats with the child. And this is what happened today…

An older lady was sitting in these seats with her grandson. No big deal right? Well maybe... The first thing I noticed when I entered the train was that this kid was sprawled out over two seats. Apparently I wasn't the only one to take notice. A few stops later, an older man got up (he was sitting across from them) and started yelling at the woman. I guess my Korean isn't that bad cause I understood a solid 70% of what he was saying. He kept going on that the boy shouldn't be there in the first place, and that he shouldn't be taking up two seats. What if someone came on the train and needed to sit there and blah blah blah. The lady was just as aggressive towards him so it was pretty funny. The man got off at the next stop and the boy sat up. haha I've always been paranoid about seating in those seats just in case, and now I'm glad I never dared to.

But that's not where the story ends. At that same stop an even older man came on the train and ended up sitting beside the boy. Standing in front of the doors was a young couple and all of a sudden this man started yelling at them. At first he said something like "Is this your boyfriend?" I couldn't understand most of what he said after that, but he was super pissed about something. I think he even started to yell at the guy too. Even after they moved away from him, he kept going on. Then I began to understand him. He was upset that the girl's skirt was short. haha So upset that he had to make sure she knew. By this time people on the train are just laughing. Who really gets on a train and starts yelling at people about their clothes?

In Korea, women rarely show shoulders/a lot of arm but their shorts and skirts can be as short as they want. Sometimes I see ass. *shudders* So I could see why some people would be upset. But you don't yell at strangers about their clothes.

8.08.2013

I really don't like mobile blogging cause I miss the comfort of my proper keyboard. But I don't know what kind of shit connection, if any, I'll have when I get back to my place. Right now I'm staying at my friend's (지혜 / JiHye) family's house. It's just outside of Seoul and I can get here by same Seoul subway system. Not bad.

I've been having lots of fun. I was really worried that August would be really boring, but that hasn't been the case. I think I can keep myself entertained for the next few weeks. There are plenty of people around who I know. Plus I have a lot do in terms of sending things to Canada and applying for OSAP. Can someone else please do that one for me?

The weather has been awful though. I'm pretty sure I want to live in Korea for good, but I really cannot handle this weather. Sweating in places I didn't know I could. And I can't stand having to shower more than once a day. I almost never have a good reason to shower daily back in Canada. But not the case here. Even after shower, I feel like I need to shower again within the hour. This I cannot stand. I want to feel clean for longer than an hour. haha Is this too much to ask?

Been reading about all the baby drama Audrey (fourfeetnine.com) has been going through and I feel so bad for her. I'll never understand why anyone would want to be pregnant, but obviously if you do it, you'd expect/hope things would go more smoothly than what she and her family has been dealing with. I can't imagine the stress she's going through. All I can do is send positive energy her way and hope for the best.

Ok that's all for now. Blogging from mobile is more annoying than I remember.