Friday, March 6, 2009

Wow. It has been 2 months since I lasted posted. I knew that it had been awhile, but didn't realize that it had been that long. The last couple of months have been tough for mostly unbloggable reasons.

Anway, I was laid off yesterday. They have decided to eliminate my position. I was not surprised that it happened & had been expecting to be let go. Ben & I had been talking about the possibility & were preparing for it to happen. Yet I was still surprised when it finally did.

The shock wore off at about 4 am this morning & I could not go back to sleep. I thought that I would be happy that I got laid off. But I'm not happy about it yet. Right now I am angry. I am angry that I worked for the last almost 2 years to improve the product for my company only to not be valued & let go. I went above & beyond what was asked of me. I improved the fit, quality and design of the product for a lower price. And yet it wasn't good enough for them & they let me go.

I chose to leave my job at my old company because there was no room for growth for me at the time. So I searched for a new job & was excited about the opportunity that I found. The company was profitable & growing with little to no debt. The dept I was hired for was expanding. My position would be a promotion. I would begin by setting up systems to help with the growth & then as we progressed, I would be able to have people under me. And I would be able to design again. And I would be learning & expanding the rest of my development skills. I would be learning more about costing & the numbers side. Maybe I was naive but the opportunity really seemed like a good one.

Well it turned out not to be. Obviously.

This is the first time in my life that I have not been employed by my choice. Every job that I have left was my choice. I have worked hard my entire life to make myself worth more to a company than what they pay me. It started in high school. I love working at the fabric store. I learned that by doing really well at my job that I was able to work whatever schedule I wanted. If I wanted to only work Sundays for 2 months so that I could to a play, they let me. If I wanted to take a month off so that I could study for my IB tests, they let me. I always got what I wanted because I was good at what I do.

And it has been that way ever since. I survived 3 rounds of layoffs at Nordstrom over the years that I was there. My bosses fought to keep me during every reorganization.

But I wasn't able to do this for this company. They did not see my worth. So I guess that it is a good thing I was laid off. I no longer have to commute 45 minutes each way to work. I now have the opportunity to re-focus my life. We have a plan in place. Hopefully here in a couple of days I will be happier about this unexpected change.