08 August, 2009

You are being watched...

When I was a kid, I was often told not to do something wrong, as there was someone up there who is watching you. This something, someone up there was called God. So you were liable to be punished the moment you did anything wrong. In-spite of all this, we (did not really have a core group of mischiefs, but still) always ended up doing something wrong. By wrong, it could mean teasing someone on the basis of their status, getting into fights over a run in a cricket match, etc.

Along the path of life, I read 1984 by Orwell. For an instance I did think that what if there was a life, where Big Brother was actually watching you. Watching all the moves, all your actions.Somehow of late I have been having this feeling that this kind of a world does exist. Only that its form is in the form of an online media.

I think we are to blame ourselves too. There is a certain sense of responsibility that we seem to have taken upon our shoulders. That responsibility is of letting everyone know our daily lives, our hourly activities.It is in a way , we saying the world, come, see me. Be my big brother. Be the eyes that are constantly watching me.

I ask myself. For what joy. Does it do any good at all? All that I know is that often people come to know of things that I would have not wanted them to know. And it does not only work one way. I am also constantly trying to follow what others are writing. What others are feeling. Whom they are interacting with. Seriously? Do I really have that much time?

Welcome to the world of the e-stalker. Someone out there who is following your every move.

14 comments:

Yup.. I agree. I was an estalker, I have been estalked and I am learning to practice restraint. It is tough. So now I read, but not reveal.

That is the reason I stopped writing on my blog. Thats the reason, when my parents are here, I am not putting up any pics and expressions in public. Coz I am with the people with whom I can share my life. I dont need social media to fan my social self.

Also..I feel that people who have enough friends , real friends with whom they can share life, they dont need to FB or Orkut. Coz they already have what they are seeking on these sites.

A good week start with similar posts from you and Om. Me likes it ! let the diplomacy shed away and let real life replace it !

Someone can only see what you show! I would say utterly butterly poor judgement if someone reads what you write, sees what you click and claims to know you :P

e-stalker! I know what that means! Gawd I so know that!

And well said Iya! keep your memories safe, but there are some people who would be very very glad to share some of the happy moments! kehte hain Khushi baanto to badti hai, aur gum baaton to kam hota hai :)

Yes indeed. I agree that we all have been estalkers at some point of time.. and have been stalked by people online. It has been a very common thing to do. But I do also realize that it is a waste of time. People whom you swear by, people whom you consider to be amongst your close ones, will always be in touch, they will always have a way of knowing what is going on in your life. So the decision lies within us, as to whether constantly follow up and read what others are doing or just stick to the close set of people.

By others here I mean the people whom we have never met, or people with whom the only connection point is that they are from the same college. You might have not even talked to them once, but now they are "friends" just because they happen to be in your social network.

One need not stop writing. One just need to write only when necessary one feels the need for it. I follow that and have felt the expectations fade away. The expectations that tells me that oh someone should read this post. Someone should comment, someone should express their thoughts on it. Putting an end to the expectations is a difficult thing to do, but not impossible.

So then the question comes, for whom am I writing? Why write in the first place and put it up on a public forum like a blog and make it open for the world to see. Yes, I get that point. But as I said, its an open book. Read some of the pages at one's own discretion. No one is forcing you to do so, no one is having any expectations that you would do so.

Sharanya :) thats quite a thing to catch! I hope you have moved on well.

excellent posts.....so needed...am glad you and prashant have raised this for discussion...

cyber world is here to stay.....and it is always useful to have boundaries....it just makes life simpler....since we are on the cutting edge of this technology...it is up to us to establish these boundaries....and since one can never ever really change others...the point of change has to come from within us.......

as prashant says,the point is how available do you want your life to be to other'...decide the boundaries....after that it is easy......

stalking is akin to watching a soap opera, where you are the director of the serial....and the viwer too, the lead actor is your obsessee...and your emotions are manipulated by your interpretation of the data that you gather by stalking..

kshitiz, the truth is if one is stalking, there is an insecurity within that needs to be addressed. as you say those who care- will go out of their way to show you, that they do....and then there is a good wholesome feeling one's time is put to better use....

so if there is need to be obsessive about some one...and stalk..something' not right there...

iya - hey come back..may be on a weekly/monthly basis ;00

so pleasing to see these honest disclosures.....about our inner grey world....well done kshitiz...

Wow Kshitiz! That's an interesting post and even more interesting trail of comments! :)

How did I miss this...mere blogroll main der se update hua tha :-\

I am one of those bloggers who write only for themselves but my blog is 'still not' private because I enjoy connecting with fellow bloggers. It has introduced me to some of the nicest souls :). I follow a few blogs including yours. Quite a few blogs make me think. They gives me a glimpse into the minds of people who are in different phases of life. Some blog posts remind me of the phases I have been through, some make me realize that there are phases of life that I have not yet reached. Often, my fellow bloggers, who are mostly strangers..ppl i have never met in real life and have interacted only in the cyberspace...help me feel better, help me find a solution, share my happiness, my sorrow, they give me comfort which ppl around me are unable to give me. Kuch galat hai iss main? Nahi!I don't think so.Yes! There are times when I don't want ppl to comment on a particular post, i just disable the comment option or request ppl not to comment and they don't :)

e-stalking...hmmm.e-stalking is one reason I removed my blog url from my FB profile. I had to remove it from search engines and stick to my alias because I realised a few ppl, whom I don't want to peep into my blog space...including a few people from my workplace were visiting my blog. Though, haven't faced any major e-stalking issues so far but if I do, I always have an option to make my blog private. :)

But can you help me understand one thing?I am aware that there are a few people who follow my blog anonymously. They visit my blog everyday...never really leave a comment. I know a few of them, I know who they are but some are strangers...but guess they all would fall under 'e-stalkers'. Right?

But what about people (that includes me) who follow blogs publicly and religiously, comment whenever they have something to say, would you actually call them e-stalkers??

@Iya: You know how much I enjoyed our 'Daily Chit Chat' :) I miss it. Thankfully gtalk hai but I still miss it. Hope you get back to it soon :))

I started blogging when I came to US. I did not have many friends, and I needed to vent out. I was FEELING ! EXPERIENCING so much that I needed to jot it down somewhere. I started writing - just for myself. I did not know then that blogs can be made public and private.

Then I realized through some rumors ofcourse that some of batch mates read my blog and deduce stuff out of it. I felt hurt. I decided - screw them I will still write. Coz I never wrote for them. I write for myself.

There are certain blogs I have been following for over 4 years now that have taught me a lot about how different people respond to similar situations. By keeping my blog public, I thought this is my way of giving back to the society at large (yes laugh at me)

My blog audience was limited. Some of my best frieds did not not even know I have a blog. But then the blogging scene gaine momentum. I still wrote , but I tried to keep my posts generic, day to day stuff. And before I realized , I starting using my blog to reach out to some people whom I wanted to tell whats going on with me. I hate every post I wrote in that period. Coz I wrote with a hope that it will be read. And then I started tracking who reads my blog - and I saw that I was successful in making people who I wanted to read - read.

I felt manipulative . I felt I was cheating myself. I felt dejected and I fell in my own eyes. And thats when I stopped writing public. I still write and I will go back to public blogging. But not now. I wana share my experiences. But I want to cleanse myself first and then I will get back !

iya, you are so courageous for revealing your pain and emotions so frankly here. i am glad that you feel a level of acceptance and comfort here, a safe space..if that were possible in this wide open space......

i think we all have been there done that....and i admire you for the huge huge effort you are making to move forward...it is not easy ...when we fall in our own eyes...but what is important dear girl is that you see yourself clearly, without any delusion...stripped bare as it were...not a pretty sight...but self honesty...is a fine quality...which is the beginning point of greatness......you have the intelligence, and the spunk...to leave all this behind...

affection gained by begging ...by manipulation ...would alwas make one feel insecure...there is some one out there...who will want us just for who we are...the 'keepers' ;00

i too wiped out a blog, i really enjoyed publishing; called egocentral -just because of hurt feelings,those were my emotional roller coaster days....did not know about the privacy option either...then i recently began a blog where i thought i would share leanings from my inner spiritual school, which have helped me become the woman i am today...to help other. however, i felt people may not understand...and misunderstand my motives...and have done nothing significant there....but you inspire me to....even if one person would read and get helped.....why not....

and take your time....as much as you want...just know that we out here....liked what you had to say....just look at the comments....

but what is tickling me here is that i follow very few blogs, as it is...now fewer....and i find it amazing that i have met all of you whose blogs i connected with.....talk about soul groups...all of us here on this page.....have taught and learnt significant life lessons, in this lifetime from each others....some good and some painful...in our discarnate soul state we are all... deep soul buddies....all of us ;00

@Swati.I guess from the original concept of a stalker, it would be someone whom you do not like for what he/she is doing. In the case of a cyberspace, I think that criteria still holds true.

I would say e-stalkers, just like stalkers are detestable. They are precisely the ones who you do not like following your online presence, or reading up your information. Just like the roads, are there for everyone, the cyberspace is also everyone's. So no matter how much we want, we cannot stop the e-stalkers from doing what they do. We should also accept that we ourselves have been guilty of being this at times (at least I have.) One fine day you decide that enough is enough and it is not going anywhere, and you stop being an e-stalker.

People whom you have developed a camaraderie with, inspite of not having met them, would (in my opinion) not be classified as e-stalkers. People who follow your blogs / flickr / other posts without any expectations or motives would thus not fall under the category of the e-stalker.

About Me

IIT Alumnus, Indiana University Alumnus.
Designer/Photographer. Presently working as Program Director and Head of Operations (India) with Lecole de Design Nantes Atlantique.
Often a freelance User Experience Design and Research Consultant, a freelance Photographer, an ardent traveler and documentary film maker.
I mainly click people, portraits and nature.
As a visiting faculty, I teach Photography and Design at a few colleges in India and conduct workshops at different places.
www.kshitizanand.com