Uncertainty and Love

How do you know the person you are with is “the one?” How do you know that the person you’re with is going to be the person you’re going to love fifteen years from now? These questions always led me to believe that marriage is a ridiculous institution. Think about it; you are staying with one person romantically the rest of your life “until death do you part”. That’s really heavy to think about and I would think even heavier to deal with. And so many people get married so young and after knowing the other person for only a matter of weeks! I would think getting married to someone should only occur after knowing them well enough to live together for five years. I think that is a long enough span of time to see and understand a great deal of your partner’s “modus operandi” and have at least a handful of good healthy arguments and a few not-so-healthy fights. It blows my mind that kids younger than me are getting hitched right after highschool or right before one of them goes off to the military. That is the dumbest thing you can do; let’s plant the seed of marriage in confusing turbulent conditions and watch how it turns out. It’s like trying to grow corn in a riverbed, or carrots on the side of a cliff. You won’t see eachother very much and with the added stresses of adulthood its very easy to take out that resentment on the other partner. I would imagine this is why a lot of young married couples rely a great deal on their parents for help; they can’t handle it on their own.

I don’t know if she is “the one” but I know I am better from having my girlfriend in my life. To me putting a label on her would be problematic and wrong. She is who she is and shouldn’t be an attribute of myself, but her own independant person. That is what I fell in love with about her, for who she is. You can’t cage a beautiful bird; it will die without its freedom. That’s my opinion on a good relationship between two people. You need to relax and be open to enjoy eachother without harming that person’s way of exsisting.

I’m trying to do that now, but its hard sometimes. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of trust and sometimes great sacrifice. I know I am speaking in generalities and leaving out a lot of details but I’m just trying to figure out all the details myself. I think I know what love is and should feel like, but that doesn’t mean it comes effortlessly.

2 Comments

Erik, once again you share your unique insight into another of lifes situations. I can only speak for myself, but I appreciate your willingness to share your inner most thoughts and personal feelings with us, those who are your friends.
It is very important to have a special person in you life and to know that they like you for who you are inside and not just a persona shared with the world.

Keep sharing when you can. I always look forward to hearing your next chapter….