IN-LAW RANT !!!! >:(

So basically I am LIVID. In a nutshell, my dh told his parents we did not.want visitors for first 2-3 days as I am a ftm and want that special bonding time.with baby just me and dh. So as soon as dh tells MIL that she says "well u just bursted ur daddys bubble" all stupid !! Well I'm thinking, tough sh** ! So they said ok. We will drive down a week or so after baby is born. Well, its Oct. 31 and I am due today. The in laws called dh the other night and basically made up their own schedule and said WE ARE COMING NOV. 8TH.. umm ok what if I don't have the baby until the 9th or.10th ?!?!? So I got on the phone with them and explained how we don't know when the baby will be here.and would like them to wait untill we know when I am going into labor. Ok they said. Well, they called dh last night and.told him THEY ARE STILL COMING ON THE 8TH !!!! how rude and inconsiderate without even asking.us, we have a 1 bedroom apt. And i am just livid they did not respect my.wishes and are stomping all over our boundaries and not respecting my wishes! Worst of all dh is such a.WIMP and won't tell them anyhing !!!!! What should I do I am so upset :( sorry its rly long

Comments (411)

I'm not saying that it will work. If they're hellbent on coming, OP's call or email won't stop them. But throughout all this, OP has not actually opened up her own mouth to tell them "no" directly. I think, just for her own sanity and self-esteem, that she needs to do this. This whole time, they've been hearing "yes, yes, yes" from DuH. They need to hear OP's NO. DuH hasn't told them. Maybe he's been telling them from the beginning that they're welcome, so they called to tell them the details, having already been invited by him. There is a chance that they might back down if they realize this isn't the case, unless they're completely BSC (not ruling that out, of course).

I don't see what harm can come from OP putting her foot down directly. If they back down, she wins. If they don't, then she has confirmation that they are completely BSC and not just led on by DuH and can use that information to proceed accordingly (example - staying at her FOO's house after the birth instead of going home, where the ILs will be waiting for an ambush).

The in laws called dh the other night and basically made up their own schedule and said WE ARE COMING NOV. 8TH.. umm ok what if I don't have the baby until the 9th or.10th ?!?!? So I got on the phone with them and explained how we don't know when the baby will be here.and would like them to wait untill we know when I am going into labor. Ok they said. Well, they called dh last night and.told him THEY ARE STILL COMING ON THE 8TH !!!!

This is what I was referring to. Originally they planned the visit without okaying. So she called them and made it clear what her wishes were. And then they told DH they would still come- against her wishes! To me this is a clear expression of expectations/wishes to anyone who is healthy enough to be present, period. If she calls back to say no again, I am afraid they will railroad her for leaving DH or manipulate her for information. Maybe a very clear NO! would work better, like Google says, than saying she would like them to wait until she is ready. I just know this would never work on my dysfunctional relatives if the first no wasn't enough. Especially because DuH refuses to back her.

I just GOATed and wanted to send support OP. You need to do what is best for you and the baby, and that is to take care of yourself. Stress like this will only cause complications and you deseve better.

Is your Mom willing to be with you during labor if need be?

--

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” ― Maya Angelou

At the very least, I do think OP should lay out her exact terms for visiting and let the ILs know that the consequences for going against her wishes will be dire. I'd hate to see her not be able to return to her own home after the birth in the event that hearing that actually would make them back down.

And that quote keeps bugging me... Why would they say okay and then suddenly change their minds. Could DuH have just told them to disregard what OP said? I would just personally want some clarification of who is really driving the crazy train here - them or DuH. He is not a reliable and accurate mouthpiece for OP. God only knows what he might have told them.

I know OP made her wishes known, but DuH's spineless interaction with them after that has led us to where we are now.

I think OP should absolutely give a direct "LISTEN, THIS IS HOW IT'S GONNA BE... " Phone call, email, whatever.

Doesn't have to be bitchy or blame throwing. Can just be a "We seem to be having a major miscommunication here and I need people to get on the same page on WHAT I NEED right now"

AT that point, if there is still argument from ILs or DH then you've got a bigger issue on your hands, but even with ILs allegedly dictating their plans (this is just coming from DH don't forget, OP hasn't communicated directly with them since) like a couple of assholes, who knows what a real no-bullshit directive from OP might fix?

Now even this one situation gets fixed...OP, you and DuH need to get into marriage counselling ASAP because this shit needs to end.

BrightonBaby has it perfectly. No need for massive drama and back-and-forth. One simple phone call will fix this.

"ILs, there seems to be some miscommunication here and we need to make sure people get on the same page with what I need when I give birth. We will not be having visitors at the hospital while I'm in labor and after delivery. We will welcome grandparents only to visit in our home at least two weeks after birth AND when we are ready, but no one is staying for more than one hour at a time and NO ONE is staying in our home overnight again. We look forward to introducing you to our new baby, but we have to protect the early mother-child bond and breastfeeding connection by limiting the stress and distraction of visitors. I'm sure you understand. We will call when we are ready for visitors."