Your Child Doesn’t want to be Baptized…

In the LDS faith, people are not baptized until they are at the age of accountability, which according to LDS scripture is the age of 8. According to that scripture, the parents are commanded to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to their children and baptize children when they turn 8 years old or there is a sin on the head of the parents.

When reading a post about Catholic and LDS baptisms, the writer mentions someone close to her who was baptized as a Mormon at the age of 8 and felt like he didn’t have a choice in the matter. He says he went along with it because it was the social norm and the thing to do and you “go along with it”. Therefore, the baptism is essentially meaningless for the individual.

For me, I remember my parents teaching me about being baptized and also learning about it in class at Sunday school while I was 7 years old. While I didn’t understand everything about the commitment it was (and probably still don’t for that matter!) I do remember being excited and that baptism was a good thing. I remember practicing with my Dad how to hold onto his arm and keep my hand up so water wouldn’t get into my nose. I also especially remember my baptism because I had to go under 3 times before I was totally immersed (for Mormon’s the baptism isn’t valid unless you go completely under water).

I wonder though what would have happened if I didn’t want to get baptized. Would my parents have made me get baptized? I also wonder if there are examples out there of parents who have kids who reached the age of 8 and decided not to get baptized.

What would you do if your child didn’t want to get baptized (assuming you had taught them about baptism and what it means, etc.)?

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As bish, I’ve seen it all (at least it feels like it). I’ve found that if the parents did a good job of teaching the child about baptism, the child wanted to be baptized. The families that were doing FHE right, had it down. But FHE isn’t always done or done consistantly.

Most kids baptized at 8 don’t have a problem with it as far as I have been able to tell. Their parents taught them well, their primary teachers taught them well, all their friends are getting baptized, but to say, as I often hear said, that this is a decision that the child has made on his or her own is stretching things.

I suppose it might matter why the child doesn’t want to be baptized. Is it apathy? Fear of water? Boredom? Obstinance?

Seems like a key thing is to listen to the child about why he or she does not want to be baptized. That act of listening is likely to do more to calm the child and help her or him to feel better.

I think I agree that an eight year old likely doesn’t make a decision on his/her own. And certainly doesn’t understand the full weight of the decision. But he or she knows enough to feel right about the decision, I think.

Looking back, I wish I had listened to my children more at the time of these foundational ordinances instead of moving a head so sure that we were all on the same page. I think they likely still would have chosen baptism, but I think it would have been better for them to know they had been heard. I’ve been much better about that with my younger kids.

I like your approach. I think no matter what the age…kids, humans in general, want to feel that they are being listened to and people are trying to understand them. Your approach shows genuine love and compassion. I like it.

I was baptized—well, sprinkled—in a traditional Protestant church when I was about 12 and it truly was a mockery of that important ordinance as Moroni 8:9 says because I neither repented nor made Jesus my Lord at the time.

Recently saw this article in BBC, RE a Russian five year old baptized in a stream in January. He is terrified and is pushed into the water by the priest! Interesting article, which first is incredulous, but relents to give facts of the occasion. What I find interesting is that the church steps out to make this a tradition, which is no tradition at all. But, it’s not disallowed, either.

Just want to add that Baptism is God’s work to make us born of the Spirit, not ours. By it, God forgives sins, receives us into his kingdom, does his work of sanctification. As Jesus says, if he has washed you, that is enough; if he has washed one point, he has washed all. His cleansing, connected with his death on the cross, is sufficient. Pray for wisdom in this, that there may be understanding.

Wow! That’s pretty intense. This is definitely not what Jesus had in mind when he commanded all to be baptized and follow after him. I think this Russian incident is rather extreme, but it is obvious that the person at the blog I referenced felt somewhat coerced into baptism….hence my post.

I feel that baptism is essential to enter into the kingdom of God, as Jesus states. I feel that baptism is like the ceremony showing commitment to Jesus in a way like a marriage ceremony is committing to a spouse.

That’s basically hazing (the Russian one). Using fear and/or pain as an initiatory rite of passage is basically brainwashing, and you definitely find that kind of thing in close-knit, secretive organizations. I would definitely classify that as a “cult” behavior. It’s horrifying.

It is rare, but I’m sure there are kids who don’t want to be baptized. However, usually they do.
They are old enough to know that there is good and there is evil. They want to choose good. They want to choose God, so they choose baptism.
A lot of people who are baptized don’t have a “perfect’ faith. They might feel uncomfortable with that. Or their parents might. I wouldn’t pressure a kid (or parents who are concerned).
I have spoken to my own children about baptism. I still have two more to go. My kids are good kids. They have been happy to be baptized. We talked about it. I tried to make sure that they felt comfortable with making the decision.
But I don’t believe you have to have a perfect faith or a mature faith. I’m 40 now and I don’t have perfect faith and knowledge.
I like having it at 8 because it means they are old enough to consciously know that they are making a promise. They can remember doing it. This can be beneficial to them.

I agree with you. I know personally for me, I had a clear enough understanding when I was 8 that I was committing to God. I didn’t learn until later after studying and seeing friends and family get baptized what exactly the commitment was, but that’s life…a learning process.

Carla, I’m not sure exactly what you meant by “shout-out.” I’m 52. There’s probably a generation gap between us. So I’m not totally familiar with your vocabulary! :-) But thanks for the thanks, anyway!

Mormons believe there is a baptism of the Spirit. It comes by having hands laid on the head after baptism and usually happens either right after the baptism, or the following Sunday in church. During the prayer, the Elder giving the blessing says the words “Receive the Holy Ghost”.

At that point, it is up for conversation with Mormons of when the gift of the Holy Ghost is actually “received”. I believe that I received the gift of the Holy Ghost at that time. I had a clearer sense of right and wrong and was guided at a very young age. Although I didn’t always make the best decisions, I feel I’ve had the Holy Ghost by my side throughout my life leading me along.

My oldest daughter was baptised a year ago. We had been teaching her about the importance of that ordinance and what it means (scratching the surface). We did assume she wanted to go ahead with it. I don’t feel like we pressured her or made her do anything against her will. I went ahead and made the plans and used every FHE leading up to her baptism as a teaching opportunity. She had a lot of questions which we were able to answer with the scriptures, prayer, and the guidance of the spirit. I’ll admit that I never “asked” her if this was really something she wanted to do until a couple weeks before her birthday. However, by the time I did, I was impressed by her maturity and testimony. I’m not sure how much she really understood… or how much any of us fully understand for that matter. But she said that every time she was taught about baptism, she felt a warm, peacefull, happy feeling. It just felt right to her. I don’t believe we have to have a full understanding of something to be guided by the spirit in the right direction… leading us to a personal knowledge based on faith. By the time her baptism day had come, there was nothing I could have said or done (nor would I have wanted to!) to make her want to back out of it. She was guided by us initially, but she ended up knowing for herself that it was right for her. My knowledge of this LDS gospel of Jesus Christ has blessed my life and brought me more happiness than I can verbally express. Of course I’m going to share it with my family and guide them to make decisions that I KNOW will bless their lives, too.

Thank you for sharing your good example and your testimony. I think that is an ideal example of how it should work with our kids and it is fortunate you have a daughter who is close to the Spirit like that.

What would you have done if you taught her and when you asked her if she wanted to be baptized she had said she didn’t want to get baptized?

That’s tough. I guess it would depend on what her decision was based on… (like Paul said) “…Apathy? Fear of water? Boredom? Obstinance? (and I’ll add) Ignorance or doubt? I’d do what I could to alleviate fears and resolve misconceptions. I’m sure it would be hard for me to understand her reasons because of MY deep feelings and understanding of baptism to be a saving ordinance. There’s no question that I would want that for her, but if she felt strongly enough about it and was sure that’s what she wanted, I’d respect her. She has her free agency, and it’s wrong to force. I imagine we’d just keep doing what we do every day and hope and pray for the best.

Thanks for figuring out the shout-out for me! And for your little testimony.

I received the Holy Spirit—we usually call it “the new birth”—27 years ago while praying a “Sinner’s Prayer” at the end of a Christian booklet I had just read. I immediately felt as if weights had been lifted off my shoulders.
The next day I had a subtle but very real sense in my heart that I was accepted by God, a part of his family, and qualified by grace to enter heaven should I die.
It’s been quite an exciting journey ever since!

As you may know, most charismatics believe in an experience subsequent to the new birth called “the baptism in the Spirit” or “the infilling of the Spirit” whereby one becomes anointed to operate “supernatural” gifts of the Spirit such as tongues.
However, some, including me and Oral Robert’s son Richard, believe that anyone who has the Holy Spirit in them as a born-again believer can speak in tongues, prophesy, raise the dead, or whatever, if they simply believe that they can (Luke 1:37)!
(God must be amused by all the slightly different viewpoints we come up with. I think he penetrates all that and simply meets us when we seek him. Don’t you?)

Thanks for your testimony as well. It is interesting how we all have various paths and circumstances in our lives, but if we allow it, God guides us in spite of our shortcomings and uses the little faith we have to make great things happen.

If I had taught the child everything about what baptism means and done all I could as a parent to help them gain a testimony of the Lord and they still chose to not get baptized, I do not see the benefit in forcing the issue. In fact, that is not what God does. He patiently waits for us to be ready and when we are, he is there with open arms.

Can a child really make that kind of commitment? If a child does not want to be baptised, they do not need to be forced but allowed to make that decision when they feel ready. Of course there is the parental role of teaching and being an example of how to live. This may be an odd twist but I work with predators and many have indicated that 8 is the perfect age to manipulate a child because they are aware o fthe concept of right and wrong AND they want to make the right choice to avoid punishment or to please. One career child predator shared with me that at 8 children have become more aware of their responsibilty in their choices, but they are also more vulnerable than other ages because they are easily influenced into believing THEY were choosing wrong and bad if they are abused. (or right because they did what everyone expected) Manipulating a child into doing ‘the right thing’ may help them stay with positive peers, stay in church etc. but I question their level of understanding and responsibility is developed enough to make meaningful commitments.