Michael Vick has probably the crappiest life of any star athlete in the world right now. As if his offseason of secret-container Aquafina bottles and dogfighting allegations weren't enough fun, #7's former residence in Surry, Virginia — AKA the Doggie Thunderdome — was burglarized sometime between May 8th and May 18th. From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, via Busted Play:

Stolen were three plasma televisions (62", 42" and 32"), two floor buffers, a wet/dry vacuum, an upright washer and dryer and a leather sofa valued at $17,550 combined.

Oh, sure, laugh it up. Where were the guard dogs? Har, har. Well, lemme tell you this: the guard dogs were euthanized, you monsters! Killed by lethal injection in anonymous shelters! So laugh it up all you want, you unfeeling bastards. But the dogs are dead, and the floors are unbuffed, and the next owner of that house will have to hang laundry out to dry, which totally doesn't give your underwear that warm, fresh feeling… and now all that's left is this penetrating sadness.

Join The Discussion

i just glad none of vick's weed was stolen. i'm sure he has that locked up tighter than fort knox.

06.05.07 at 1:10 pm

kevin

Is his (I mean Ron M's) prescription for Valtrax going to pop up on the internet like Paris' did?

06.05.07 at 1:10 pm

TEXAS

Only 289 and Vick can make a Bong out of a Football. Nice.

06.05.07 at 1:12 pm

lieutenant winslow

so yeah, needless to say… everyone's invited to Ufford's to watch the NBA Finals on his "new" 62" plasma.

06.05.07 at 1:20 pm

Angel Eyes Van Cleef (for now)

"Stolen were three plasma televisions (62", 42" and 32"), two floor buffers, a wet/dry vacuum, an upright washer and dryer and a leather sofa valued at $17,550 combined." That's not a burglary… that's a pillage… by Vikings probably, or Conquistadors.

and with this, the spell of 3 is broken. bad things come in 3's, marijuana in a fucking bottle? dogfighting? and now a burglary? the burglary is the only thing official now i guess but at least it's over and he can go back to being the typical thug he is.

oh and battling his random herpe outbreaks and the fact that he's a over-rated quarterback.

06.05.07 at 1:24 pm

Chinaski

Are we sure he's not just moving? Who the fuck steals a wet/dry vac and floor buffers?

06.05.07 at 1:27 pm

Otto Man

…now all that's left is this penetrating sadness.

"Penetrating Sadness"? Wasn't that the title of the Paris Hilton sex tape?

06.05.07 at 1:30 pm

lieutenant winslow

penetrating sadness

and here i thought that phrase would never amount to anything more than a euphemism for butt-sex

06.05.07 at 1:30 pm

Careless

Jesus Christ he's a fucking multi-millionaire can't he afford proper security? If I were Vick, I'd have robots with fucking laser beams on their heads guarding the door. Apparently, I'd also have herpes.

06.05.07 at 1:30 pm

DeadlyDeadlyHawk

This may be profiling, but where was Odell Thurman between May 8 and May 18?

06.05.07 at 1:33 pm

Bloof

We took his shit. We're making this sweet crib up in dog heaven.

Did you know you can see dogs fucking on Youtube? They don't even censor it.

-60 pit bulls in heaven

06.05.07 at 1:47 pm

Peter McSheisty

Just throwing this out there. Is it possible Mexico and his brother, Marcus, got stoned and forgot they owned the house?

Hey Marcus. I was at this dog fight in VA. This dude had a fat ass crib with Tv's and floor buffers and shit. You ready to hit this lick?

06.05.07 at 1:54 pm

Lloyd_Carr_Pool_Lane

Could the 2 floor buffers be for all the scratched floors from the dog's claws??

06.05.07 at 2:02 pm

Timmy

Great… now how is he going to watch the Falcons' games after Roger Godell suspends him for the year?

06.05.07 at 2:09 pm

UES007

You know, Timmy makes it really hard for the rest of us to break into 'Doin it well.'

That comment wasn't his best, I was just retroactively remarking on his commenting.