Checking In On The Caucuses In Iowa

Hey, East Coast, while you were digging yourself out, the mysteriously relevant state of Iowa went out a'caucusin' last night, and they were some caucusin' birds, lemme tell you that. There's nothing Iowans like to do more than caucusin', and that's why, every four years, the courtier political press gets together and agrees to pretend that the caucusin' Iowans are cute -- my man Chuck Todd is already diggin' it the most, daddy -- and that they have something to say about the country, even though Iowa is approximately as representative of the actual United States as Dagestan is.

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The real action was on the Republican side. For years, the Iowa Republican party was batshit loony, and its politics all out of kilter, because the power lay in the hands of hayshaking Bible-bangers. After the 2012 elections, however, the party found itself taken over at the local level by the devotees of Crazy Uncle Liberty (!). Frenzy-wise, of course, this is like trading caffeine for crystal meth. Governor Terry Branstad, who would like to preside for at least a few months over a state party that is not out of its mind, apparently broke a lot of rock trying to get back some measure of control. He also apparently had to teach an adult-ed class in civics.

The talk around the table in the middle-school cafeteria was punctuated by Branstad advising the group about procedure, and answering a variety of other questions. For example, he clarified for one caucusgoer that there's no national convention this year. He also explained why he can't predict when the next opening on the U.S. Supreme Court will occur, because that only happens when a justice dies or retires. The conversation shifted to high-school government classes, and Branstad recalled he was in a world history class during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

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Every four years, you will be told, these people play a vital role in picking your next president. Feel good, America!

The platform discussion was brief, but there were subtle indications of the differences of opinion over the party's direction. Corning, a moderate who supports abortion rights, suggested the party should steer away from issues that divide Republicans.

"I would like to see us concentrate on the issues that unite us," Corning said, and not have a platform full of divisive issues. She said people are most concerned about jobs and unemployment.

Another caucusgoer countered the GOP needs to keep issues in the platform that distinguish it from Democrats, including abortion. However, neither suggestion came to an official vote of the caucus.

The only platform resolution the group approved was in favor of repealing Obamacare.

Jeebus Christmas, hit these people in the knee with a hammer and they say, "Repeal Obamacare!"

But the people who do come see the importance. "In a way, it's the truest form of government. You're dealing with neighbors to control things instead of turning it over to someone else," said Jim Mahoney, 71. The retired Johnston schools athletic administrator has attended all of his party caucuses since the 1970s. He said attendees tend to be committed to good government, but not necessarily radical. "We're not standing out in the streets with signs or anything," he said.