The Desolation of Smaug

First of all, let's all wish the author, J.R.R. Tolkien a happy birthday!

Then join me in shaking my fist at him for completely taking over my life.

Well, my fandom life at least.

"The Desolation of Smaug," the second installment in Peter Jackson's "Hobbit" trilogy picks up with the Company heading to Beorn's house and follows them through the dangers of Mirkwood and the Elvenking's dungeons, their time in Laketown, and their finally reaching and entering Erebor.

Oh, and waking a dragon that sounds all too deliciously like Sherlock Holmes. Benedict Cumberbatch was fantastic as Smaug, and once more proves that he is a life ruiner. No one should sound that good.

Speaking of rich and wonderful voices, Richard Armitage continues to be entirely heartbreaking as Thorin Oakenshield. I cannot get into everything that Thorin is for his people, because all of that will be a major talking point for the final film, as will Fili and Kili. For now, let's just all admire how awesome Thorin was against the dragon.

The movie deviates a great deal from the book, and I do wish that they had done just a couple of things differently. For instance, Thranduil was supposed to have Thorin put into the deepest, darkest cell, far away from the other dwarves. Bilbo was supposed to act as relay between Thorin and the others, and it was a great opportunity to show how Thorin has indeed come to trust and admire their unlikely Burglar.

Still, that was handled rather well in several other episodes throughout the film.

Legolas was not quite the elf he will someday be, but he was rather good in this. I also liked Tauriel a great deal, but I am fighting an inner battle not to ship her with Kili. There is a beautiful moment where he says how far she is from him, how she walks in starlight, but I only have this to say to keep my shipper tendencies in check:

The Battle of Five Armies.

Just saying: brace yourselves for "There and Back Again."

The rest of the Company had some fabulous moments in this movie as well.

Gandalf and Radagast have a great exchange about how Gandalf is walking into a trap, and suddenly all of us in the audience were quoting Admiral Ackbar.

Bofur has given me my favorite new exclamation: "By my beard!"

Shout out to my friend Adam for neatly and hilariously describing the moment Bombur takes out a buch of Orcs: Donkey Kong.

Bilbo might be getting a little too attached to The Ring, but he was lovely in this film as well. And brave! Not only did he honor his promise and go into the dragon's den alone, but he told Smaug, to his big scary face, to leave Laketown alone. It might not have worked, but how very brave.

And then there's Balin. Perhaps it's because he reminds me a bit of my late grandfather--he too always had a twinkle in his eye and a story to tell--but I really adore Balin. I cried right along with him when he was finally standing in the halls of Erebor. And when he reminded Thorin that their brave Shire companion is not merely some "Burglar," but their own Bilbo: "His name is Bilbo."

For this installment, Dwalin had my favorite moments. Someone I know said this film should be called "The Desolation of Dwalin's Patience." I'd say that's accurate! By the time they reach Erebor, it is clear that Dwalin is So Over This. He has some fabulous lines, like "We Don't Have a Jiffy," and when he somehow manages to be intimidating crawling out of that outhouse. (That, and Legolas calling his future bff Gimli a "mutant" are the two funniest parts in the movie). Graham McTavish is also rather dishy, and we do get the treat of seeing him show off in this film. Dwalin/Ori shippers (hello fandom friends!) also have a few nice moments, with Dwalin helping Ori from his barrel as well as keeping an eye on and then protecting Ori when Bard sneaks up on them by the river.

Lastly, I can proudly say that when I went to see this film for the second time I spotted Stephen Colbert in Laketown!

By my beard, I felt rather accomplished.

Next time: We finally, finally talk about Doctor Who, and how Steven Moffat also owns my fandom soul