Phil Brown Ends Long Arsenal Anti-Intimidation Run

Stating that Arsenal fans had “intimidated his team” during last night’s FA Cup Quarter Final match between Arsenal and Hull City, Phil Brown ended the unprecedented 762-match streak during which Arsenal fans had completely failed to intimidate the opposition. The run, spanning 17 years in all competitions, was without equal in the modern game and crushed the previous record set by Accrington Stanley between 1920-1929, during which the fans would often make cakes and sandwiches for visiting teams, and take them on tours of the local countryside, and was only ended after an Accrington Stanley fan accidentally ran over a visiting player’s cat in his horse and cart.

The last team to be intimidated by Arsenal fans were the Albanian team Diýnamo Gãraÿmše, who during a UEFA Cup match in 1992, were reportedly “scared witless” by the Arsenal fans singing a song about Perry Groves. However, after the match it was revealed that the song (“Number 1 is Perry Groves”) bore a remarkable, and coincidental, resemblance to a chant in Albanian, describing how the protagonists were to tell the opposition’s mothers how many pornographic magazines were stashed under the opposition’s mattress.