Four-time winners of major international race test positive for PEDs

Four members of an elite racing squadron–a squadron that is among the most dominant in the history of racing sports–tested positive for Tramadol, a prescription opioid pain-reliever last spring, with that revelation only now coming to light.

His legacy now called into question, team leader Dallas Seavey has denied involvement in his athletes’ positive tests, claiming that an unknown saboteur is the likely culprit in the positive tests. This theory might hold water if the athletes all unanimously have denied any wrong-doing as well, but that’s not the case.

Could his athletes have taken the Tramodol under their on volition, unbeknownst to Seavey? Well, no. No, they couldn’t, because–you see–the athletes are dogs… literal dogs… they are animals who can’t really exercise free will.

Now if you’re like me, your brain is already broken to the point of this story not really registering at all.

Doping allegations and scandals are so commonplace that they no longer serve to shock or infuriate–they simply bounce off our retinas after being denied entry into the already full part of our brains meant to process that sort of disappointment.

Not even the fact that actual pet dogs are now the subject of potentially sport-altering doping allegations can break us of the general feelings of resignation we must cope with constantly as fans of sport.

Stories like this one only push us past the point of no return. The dumbest, silliest, and most eye-popping instance of alleged doping in the history of sport has already happened. We’ve been to the edge and stared into the abyss. What’s left to push us over the ledge?

Paul Snyder

Meme-disparager, avid jogger, MS Paint artist, friend of Scott Olberding, Citius Mag staff writer based in Flagstaff. Supplying baseless opinions, lukewarm takes, and vaguely running-related content. Once witnessed televison's Michael Rapaport cut a line of 30 people to get a slice of pizza at John's on Bleeker at 4am. You can follow Paul on Twitter at @DanielDingus.