Modeling / Bridal Shoot with Pagli Rajkonna

1. I got up late and had to forgo showering or having breakfast. My body was kind of a mess the entire day. I was too nauseous to eat so I basically survived on water and a handful of almonds. I showed up in my #peoplemakeetsy t-shirt, which I only ever use to sleep in and which is now bluish after a shirt from Joe Browns bled in the wash (post featuring that ruffly thing coming soon). I did take a second to put on a decent bra though. The strap that shows in some of these pictures, that’s totally my bra. Everything else — dress, jewelry, shoes, bouquet — was brought by Bristy and Aria.

2. It took over two and a half hours to have my makeup and hair done. The weather kept changing its mind but I basically froze. I wrapped myself in a thin scarf of Bristy’s (Pagli Rajkonna is her photographer name) and it was definitely not enough. The result was amazing though, and it was one of those makeovers where it feels like the make-up artist is painting on your face. Which I enjoy.

3. I wore false eyelashes for the first time ever and they were super uncomfortable. I don’t know how you people do it. Or why. Bethany nearly put fake eyelashes on me for the boat shoot we did last month but then she was like, eh, your lashes are long enough! I am all about my nouns being adjective enough. All about it. I am not about false eyelashes. I am not about lace sleeves, either.

4. That said? Bristy and Aria are hands down some of my favorite people I’ve worked with. My comfort at a shoot is inversely proportional to how many dudes are involved in it, and the dudes at this shoot were tangential and temporary*, so it was awesome.

* 5. By which I mean they showed up after I was made up and dressed up. It was a meetup organized by Bristy, so I paraded around Golders Hill Park with a group of nine or ten photographers, stopping at various places to take pictures. I sat on a bench at one point, and on a tree. And on the floor in the middle of a field. I wish I had some of those pictures! I told Bristy to forward my details to the two other female photographers there but haven’t heard back.

(The dudes were fine, really. Mostly. They were fine as far as I was concerned, anyway, though a couple of them did their usual ‘oh I’m disappointed we got kicked out of the pergola for being such a large group but I’m just going to fume about it instead of address it directly or make the most of the rest of the park,’ directed at Bristy, who was the organizer. Male photographers have such massive fragile egos. Never ceases to amaze me. I’ve met some good ones, but mostly… eh.)

6. People kept congratulating me on getting married. It was cute. I mostly said ‘thanks.’ At one point I did feel compelled to say I was not planning on marrying anybody, least of all a man. I think I was sweet about it. Sweet enough. I am very, very blunt, though. At one point one of the male photogs offered me his arm to help me off a tree, and I handed him my bouquet to hold. I… don’t like to touch strange men. Soz.

7. The shoot as a whole was incredibly exhausting, and reaffirmed that I need to either feed myself throughout shoots, or take shorter ones. Probably both. Also, not work on Sundays probably. And charge more for a full day’s work. I just really wanted to work with Bristy and it was tricky to organize a shoot with her that wouldn’t involve me paying for transport for TF, so when I saw she needed a model for a bridal shoot in Golders Green (a very short bus ride from my corner of NW3 London) and I fit the height requirements (which literally never happens — I’m that middle ground between petite and agency standard), I just went for it.

8. And now I want to shoot a bride at this location. Any of my readers up for it? ;)

Being a human who is wary of other humans because those other humans have personally proven time and time again that they don’t give a shit about her well-being or comfort levels and don’t think of her as an equal because she’s a woman is… pretty natural actually.

Anon

Being wary of a particular person who has treated you badly in the past is fine.

Hating all men on principle because someone treated you badly in the past is total bullshit

I don’t actually hate all men on principle. I just think it’s hilarious y’all get so up in arms about it, when it’s women who are ACTUALLY discriminated against by society on a regular basis. So I don’t care if you call me a man-hater. Believe it or not, I do like some men. I’m just wary because, guess what, men are brought up to believe they’re above everything, and that inevitably shows when they interact with other people. Some want to do better, but most, like you, are hellbent on making feminism all about you, not realizing you’re derailing from the actual issues and also getting mad about not being given the time of day just because you’re men. Because, let’s be real, that’s what grinds y’all’s gears about equality: that it means you’re not all that simply because you’re a man. That’s why men cry inequality when a room is evenly divided, when actual equality exists.

The thing is, I’m a wee bitty thing. Most men could easily do whatever they wanted to me. It takes a lot of trust for me to forget that, and I don’t want to, because the second a woman forgets that? Something happens, and she gets blamed for not being cautious enough. I have anxiety, and some paranoia, and my interactions with new people I’ve met are informed by all my previous interactions with people I’ve met previously. That doesn’t mean I write men off on the spot. But it means that when I talk to a new one, and he says something iffy? I’m out.

Guess what? 90% say something iffy within thirty minutes of talking to me. Sometimes less. Sometimes they say something iffy in a casting call, or on social media. It makes me uncomfortable, so I avoid them.

And then dudes like you come in and tell me about what a huuuuuuge problem it is that I try to take care of myself. Forgive me if I don’t give a crap about your feelings. You’re obviously prioritizing your own perceived importance over my welfare and self-care, so, really. I could care less about you calling me a manhater. But not much.

And speaking of self-care, this conversation is over. Have a nice day, preferably without condescending to anyone else.

Taquisha

You are completely full of shit and your own self-importance and it must suck to be you. The shit you just spewed proves Marc’s point about how you’re a nasty human being. Your personal hang ups and mental issues are no excuse to trash talk an entire sex. Get some therapy and grow the fuck up. Stop using something as important as feminism to fuel your own hate-filled agenda. You should also eat a cheeseburger, you look skeletal and unhealthy and are perpetuating stereotypes of what society thinks a model should be.

I wear the man-hater hat proudly because it’s a profoundly stupid thing to accuse someone of being. Like, of all the problems in the world, women being less than adoring of men (who have all the power) based on actual men’s behavior that they have experienced (as opposed to stereotypes) doesn’t make a beep on my radar.

Incredible photos! You look beautiful, and I must say the make-up artist and photographer are really really great! Major thumbs up!
And to think that such wall material was the result of your morning ey? ;)

Whoa, you look pretty awesome and regal. I don’t understand fake eyelashes either. I never thought real people wore them until I realized my expat friends in China put them on for a night out. Anything that involves glue near my eyes. . .shudder.

EXACTLY. I already have a hard time with eyeliner. But, I don’t know, maybe you get used to them or something but they kept falling off when Aria put them on me, and when they *were* on I kept feeling them in the corners of my eyes. They were just uncomfortable. They look good in the pics, but…eh.