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Due to some security concerns, space considerations and other reasons which have to remain unmentioned, BC and I were forced to do the Floriduh Rottfest a little different this year. We had to make it by invite only and some very hard decisions were made about who we would invite. I’ll tell ya, going through the list of all the Rotties we wanted to invite and couldn’t was a heart wrenching process. If we could have we would have had all of ya there, but such was not the case, so in the end we settled on the regulars who we knew could attend, a few others who have tried to make it in the past but were unable to, and a few who had been expressing an interest off the site for awhile.

In any case, the 2009 Floriduh Rottfest was held this past weekend. Besides BC and myself, in attendance were the indefatigable Mope, who still amazes me when I roll out of the rack at 0900 and he’s already down a 12 pack; Ten-Ten who was able to break away from his slave masters long enough to prove that he had indeed shaved and now vaguely resembles a homo-sapien; Radical Redneck who was kind enough to not follow through on his yearly threat to hook up a plasma TV with 2 girls 1 cup on continuous loop; Cheapshot and the ever lovely Mrs. C, who brought Fric and Frac (two kegs full of some of the best home brew I’ve ever drank) and his ultimate set of tools (Don’t ask, but they came in handy); the ever impressive Rurik who presented me with a shell casing that he had dug up at Stalingrad as well as some tasty Russian beer and champagne, and my first taste of Jarhead Red wine; Z09SS who as usual had us all in stitches; our favorite Jew extraordinaire Darth Bacon who is a culinary genius (as you’ll see) and a true gentleman who is every bit as funny in real life as he is over the interwebtubes; the lovely and gracious (and way to innocent to be hanging with the likes of us) Aggie Sith; and making his stateside debut our Aussie mate EFA who started a nationwide tour with us (Unbelievably he still has a favorable impression of America even after the first taste of our motley bunch of degenerates); and my own Bangie Thing who was able to get enough time off from work to attend the debauchery this year.

We all rolled in to the Southern Imperial HQ on Thursday and the brain cell slaughter commenced. Bangie and I didn’t make it in until late and were greeted by the best lasagna I have ever eaten, and I make Garfield look like a slob when it comes to lasagna. Baco was determined to show us that he had not only attended a cooking school, but apparently it was a pretty good one and he even grajeeated and shit. Rurik drove all the way from South Dakota for the event, partially because he loves road trips, and partially because flying with several cases of Russian beer would have been difficult to say the least. Aggie was there and was relieved; no, on her knees thanking the heavens, that another female was finally there. It was my first time meeting all three and it was truly an honor and pleasure to say the least.

Just as we were arriving Cheapshot and Baco were pulling out to go to the airport to pick up EFA (who forgot my damned Geisha by the way. Jeesh, it’s not like they aren’t small and won’t fit in the overhead). BC, Mope, Radical, Rurik, and Aggie were all ready several sheets to the wind and Bangie and I had some catching up to do. I think we made it to bed around 0430 or so. The next day I rolled out of the rack at the gloriously late hour of 1000 or so. Mope had already murdered a twelve pack of Sam Adams, the man is a fucking machine I tells ya, only different. We all went to the range that afternoon where EFA was introduced to the glory of the 2nd Amendment Rottie style. We basically rented out the entire rifle side of the range. Ten-Ten was finally able to meet up with us there, arriving just in time to get signed in with us. That night Baco made the most unbelievable meal. Chinese ribs, sweet and sour soup, dumplings that still give me wood thinking about them, and Chicken Fried lasagna. Yeah, chicken fried lasagna. And damn was it good!

BC regaled (some would say tortured) us with his karaoke renditions of I Am Woman, and It’s Raining Men. Aggie learned that “spew alert” is not just a saying, and Mope and I forgot that Texas is an hour behind Florida. Sorry about the phone call Milady, we thought The Malevolent One would be home at 0030, not realizing it was only 2330 there. So no, Democrat Underground was not really calling to verify your donation. Please feel free to beat Mope about the head, neck, chest and breast area repeatedly.

By the way, I promised Aggie that I wouldn’t mention where we forced her to sleep since it would be too embarrassing, but I am entertaining bids from interested parties. Just hit my PayPal with your non-refundable bid, highest bidder gets the juicy details. (Just kidding. She was smart enough to stay at a hotel just down the street. Cooty free environment and outside of Mopes snore acoustic signature. COBRAS! Ask Baco). Oh, and she finally saw with her own eyes the glory that is Teh Magnificent Ass™.

Saturday night BC drug us out to the dirt track where we got to see some damn good races, until the features where there were more cars and horsepower than there was common sense and driving skill. They did manage to squeeze out an average of one complete lap between caution flags though. Despite the yellows, it was still some enjoyable racing. And EFA was introduced to both funnel cakes and elephant ears. We had to show him something uniquely suthren and American, and deep fried twinkies were out. Something about the half life of twinkies apparently. And here I thought Aussies were supposed to be tough. We came back to a Baco creation of steak, twice baked potatoes, broccoli and cheese sauce, and mushrooms and onions. Oh man, did we ever eat good.

Sunday morning it was Ten-Ten’s turn to reclaim his title as the resident Rottfest culinary specialist with a delicious breakfast of steak and eggs and hash browns.

On a final note, as I mentioned EFA is kicking off a cross country tour of the States and will be hitting several places here over the next four to five weeks. If the bastard ever sends me his itinerary, we would like to get him in touch with any LC’s in the areas he’s visiting. I’ll let ya all know, and if yer interested in hooking up with him when he passes through yer neck of the woods, pipe up and we’ll see what we can do.

When Bangie (Who was bequeathed the title She of Teh Glorious Ass™ by Aggie) and I left on Sunday, it was like we were leaving home. I still remember the first Fest I attended. When I walked in it was the same as it was when I posted my first comment here, I was welcomed like family and it was like I had known y’all my entire life. This year was the same, if not more. The friendship and true camaraderie, the love of real friends, is more than I can express. Leaving was tough, and promises of next year not enough to tide us over. I am humbled to be able to call the Rottweiler home, and all of the LC’s, not just the Fest attendees, but each and every one of you, my friends. As an example, I would be remiss if I failed to mention that Mike M, who could not attend, sent along the equivalent of a platoon sized bar tab to offset the booze bill. Thanks Mike, trust me when I say that it was put to good use.

Well, with that I will open it up for the LC’s to tell their horror stories and defend their honor. I know that Aggie Sith is anxious to post her own exculpatory version of events. And to those who weren’t there for Floriduh, I hope to see ya in Texas!

This entry was posted on Monday, May 4th, 2009 at 8:50 pm and is filed under Front Page. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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1. Prepare the bechamel sauce with an additional 1½ tbsp. of butter, 1½ tbsp. of flour, and ¾ cup of milk. Melt butter over low heat and add flour, and cook for 3 minutes. Remove from heat, add milk and whisk till smooth. Return to heat and simmer till thickened. season with salt & pepper.
2. Heat oven to 425 degreees ?F.
3. In a large, heavy skillet melt 4 Tbsp. butter over medium heat and saute onions about 8 minutes, or until they begin to color.
4. Add mushrooms and saute, stirring until they begin to give off their liquid, then raise the heat and cook until the liquid is reabsorbed, about 15 minutes. Continue cooking until nicely browned.
5. Stir in the vermouth and cook for 3 minutes.
6. Turn the heat to low and stir in the bechamel, the sour cream, chives, nutmeg, salt & pepper. Stir in about 2/3s of the cheese. Mix well and heat well. Divide the mushrooms among 4 ramekins or oven-safe dishes. Sprinkle with the remaining cheese. Bake for about 15 minutes, or until they are bubbly, and the tops browned.

Notes: You need not use fancy mushrooms for this dish; it is spectacular enough with ordinary supermarket white button mushrooms. You may omit the chives and nutmeg. May also substitute mozarella or other mild-flavored cheese. You may also use a single baking dish for casserole style. To brown the tops, for the last minute or so of baking time, put under the broiler instead.

I have also seen a similar dish in which julliened ham or beef is substituted for the mushrooms. I think the mushroom version is superior.

Prepare a can of ordinary condensed tomato soup – but use water instead of cream or milk. Add 1/2 tablespoon of wine vinegar, and a dash (or more) of garlic powder.
To the soup, while it is cooking, add 1/4 cup finely chopped onion, and one sweet red or green bell pepper coarsely chopped into pieces about 1 3/4 inch size and sauteed in olive oil. Cook till vegetables are tender. Salt to taste and serve.
A bit of cayenne powder or Tobasco sauce may also be added to taste if desired, and also a bit of basil and of oregano.
For a festive party soup, insted of single color bell peppers, use a combined mixture of red, yellow, green and purple bell peppers.

Put the onions, bread slices and parsley in a cuisinart or blender and chop finely. Add the meat, salt and pepper, half the caraway seeds, and the egg white. Blend this mix thoroughly. Remove from blender and roll into balls, about the size of golfballs.
Saute the meatballs in a pan over high heat, using either butter or preferably bacon grease, or a mixture. Saute only till the meatballs are thoroughly browned. Then reduce the heat to medium, add the flour and cook till the flour starts to color. Add the remaining caraway seeds. Add the liquid and blend into the flour mixture so that it becomes a smooth sauce. Be sure to deglaze the crispy bits from the pan into the sauce. Cover and braise until the meatballs are done and the sauce has achieved a smooth consistency. When the meat is sufficiently cooked, turn the heat to low. Adjust the seasoning, and stir in the egg yolk, making sure the sauce does not boil, and then stir in the sour cream. If needed for a good sauce consistency, you can blend in a little more of the liquid.

This goes nicely with egg noodles. And is delightful accompanied by a shot glass of iced Kümmel (Caraway flavored liqueur) or a stein of chilled lager. Or better – both.

At this point I must report that their is an official casulty to the weekend. The lovely and talented three eyes (Irish, Italian, Indian) Nicolle visited us for several hours on Thursday. As one who has shown an appreciation for my dark and warped sense of humor, as well as a veteran of many of my links, I figured she was up to the task of encountering the Debauchery House™. She wasn’t inside 5 minutes before BC gleefully demonstrated an Isocoles Teabagging™ (arms triangled in air). Not long after many of us regaled her with grim scenarios of Hillary, HT, Janet Reno and Rosie’s fist o’thons, crab crawling and cooter chewing. I am pretty sure this was her introduction to “meat curtains” as well.

She has been reported by her coworkers to be walking into walls mumbling incoherently except for for a stutter like “brian bleach – I need brain bleach”

It’s good to have help! It usually takes me half a day to reduce them to perma shock or catatonia !

It was a very good time from beginning to the (too soon) end. It was a fun and very easy mix of folks. Very generous too – it was a struggle to tighten up those who put out their own cash voluntarily (thanks for the clip after clip you let me fire off in your Kimber 10-10). We lucked out with perfect weather too – epitomized by the night out at the race track.

A note about the races, they were held in the infamous town of Gibsonton, FL which is the winter home of most carny freaks and workers. Judging by the crowd there, not all of them are back on the road! As far as I’m concerned, it only added to the ambience!

Anything more said about Darth’s cooking would merely be redundant. Sublime is all I’ll say.

Thanks again for doing the arrangements crunchie! I hope to see y’all again real soon.

Thanks for letting me shoot it, ya dildo- and I was nice enough to play your guitar!

Man. Some people…

Seriously, we should have had BC grab us a cheap acoustic when he went to Wallyworld for his computer stuff- you and I need to jam a little, my newest Brother From Another Mother!

I can barely wait till the next fest. I already miss you all. Even my room-mate.

In fact, I’ll go so far as to volunteer to share a room with Moop again next year- after all, I’ve shown my mettle, and why should anyone else suffer? That is, unless my girlfriend comes with me (assuming she hasn’t run screaming by then) next time…

First note that all measurements are highly approximate. If you’re not comfortable tasting as you cook and making adjustments, this recipe is not for you; Click and go somewhere else. (I’m sure you’ve seen this warning somewhere else before.) Or click here, and continue to cook – you will be rewarded.

First, take about 1 1/2 to 2 pounds of beef soup bones and make a beef stock. In a minimum amount of oil brown the soup bones and then add water. Add a bay leaf and 5 or 6 peppercorns. Also add the skins of at least one onion, or as many as you have ready to discard, and any other meaty, bony, or fatty table scraps, and any other vegetable peelings you might have. Flavor is not proud – take it from whence ever it cometh. After simmering for several hours, strain off all the liquid goodness, aka broth; there should be about 4 cups or so. Save the meat from the soupbones. Discard the skins, trimmings, the bones themselves, etc. As the Bard said – The Moor hath served, the Moor may go. Allow the liquid to cool overnight in one of those priceless glass jars. Save the meat separately, and when cool enough trim away the fat and the gristle – discard the gristle and save the congealed fatty parts. I am not mad; I know a hawk from a handsaw – and how to cook each.

The next day, take about 1/2 head of cabbage, or a little more – particularly using the stems and the inner core, which are tasty, and soften during the cooking. Chop and slice the cabbage into spoon-sized pieces or smaller. Also take one medium sized onion, peel, quarter, and slice into thin slices, and 2 small or 1 medium carrots, peeled and thinly sliced. . Meanwhile heat a large soup pot. In the soup pot place the fatty scraps from the previous night’s broth-making and render them. Add additional fat as needed, skimmed from the cooled broth. Discard the rest of the fat (or save for some other purpose).

To this hot beef fat add the cabbage, onion, and carrot. Cook for about 10 minute over low to medium heat. Add the broth and then the meat, torn into small pieces. Next, season with a clove or two of finely chopped garlic or equivalent garlic powder. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for about a half hour. While the soup is simmering add the following, in no particular order: About 1 1/2 to 2 tablespoons tomato paste, a tablespoon or so of honey, a teaspoon of paprika, salt and pepper to taste, a touch of cayenne, and here’s the secret ingredient – about 3/4 to 1 cup of juice drained from a jar of sweet pickles*. Then add a splash of vinegar, Taste and adjust the seasonings, more pickle juice or vinegar, or more honey or tomato paste, as needed to give the proper balance. This soup should have a piquant, sweet & sour character.I prefer mine a bit more on the sour side, which fits my character. Pumpernickel rye is a particularly good accompaniment to this soup (actually to anything). You need not thank me. Thank the cabbage

* The pickles themselves in my household are a necessary accompaniment to grilled cheddar sandwiches. Perhaps dill pickle juice might also be used, though the character of the soup should change dramatically.

[...] when he found out there is a titty-bar across the street from every church in the South. Dart and EFA kept me awake for days droning on about one thing or another. I’m sure it was a plot to weaken me so EFA could secure my title from me. The lad put up a [...]