its that i have done a pattern of bad deeds that probably put me in a category of hypocrites. I've no chance.

You are condemning yourself, and you sound obsessive in this.

This is not from the Islamic tradition at all.

Sister, I believe your whole take on this, your perspective, is wrong.

Sister, try to gain a more balanced view of sinning/forgiveness. Maybe read verses from the Quran, study hadith about mercy.

Here is an important hadith:

"I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it. It was related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound."

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can we say its a delusion of reference if its positive? Such as believing that Allah is being graceful and merciful to you when you see ayahs being gentle to the believers when you're down, or condemning bad things you're experiencing.

No that's not a delusion of reference- that's a mercy from Allah (swt).

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salaam sis i really dont know how i can help but ill give it a go inshallah. sister i experience the same thing when i read the Quran at times i feel like I'm the worst sinner on the planet and I'm doomed and sometimes i even think I'm destined for hell, i experience this when my iman constantly goes up and down and i feel high and low but i know that Allah SWT is testing me and making me stronger at the same time, i truly believe this. the thing that keeps me going sis in Allah SWT's mercy, eveytime i feel like I'm a goner i know that as long as I'm alive no matter how many times i sin or which sins i commit i truly know and i believe that when i repent Allah SWT will forgive me because Allah SWT is most forgiving and most merciful subhanallah.

we all sin we all make mistakes, we do stupid things time and time again but remember not all sinners are bad, Allah SWT loves those sinners who after sinning repent straight away. Allah SWT love to forgive so repent as much as you can, and btw true believers always at one point in their lives feel like their hypocrites, and feeling like this is a sign of iman so please sister dont think too much about the negative thoughts just increase your dhikr and for now read verses about Allah SWT's mercy and forgiveness. also sis watch a few islamic reminders on youtube, that gets me going all the time, i feel emotional and motivated to be a better muslim.

i know I'm not much help but i hope I've given some good advice, please stay strong and inshallah use ramadhan as an opportunity to refresh your iman inshallah :)

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can we say its a delusion of reference if its positive? Such as believing that Allah is being graceful and merciful to you when you see ayahs being gentle to the believers when you're down, or condemning bad things you're experiencing.

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You fear hell...worse, you fear that you cannot avoid hell because you were born full of sin.
Surely the next step is to say "Allah, I am helpless, I need you to take my hand because I am nothing without you"

Muslims don't believe that we are Born sinful, that's a Christian belief to do with "Original sin" which is mankind carrying the sin of Adam, but Muslims believe that an individual is only responsible for his own actions and does not carry the sins of others. If someone was born carrying the sins of another then that would be unjust.

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You used the phrase "delusion of reference" which caught my eye. It's a word used by the psychiatric community.

A faithless person would tell you that you are suffering from the first stages of mental illness. Did someone suggest that to you?
You are a person of faith though-that's why you're here.

Any person of faith whether they be Muslim, Christian, Buddist etc may say what you are experiencing is a good thing as is the first stages of ego death. Muslims talk about "being a slave to Allah" essentially giving up yourself to him and....letting go, Catholics say the same thing (albeit in a different way) and the ultimate goal of a Buddist is to seek oneness with the whole that is God. All the same thing really. Your fear of hell is perhaps a tool that your subconsious is using to teach you .

I'm chatting btw, questioning, mulling over not 'telling' you I am right.

You fear hell...worse, you fear that you cannot avoid hell because you were born full of sin.
Surely the next step is to say "Allah, I am helpless, I need you to take my hand because I am nothing without you"

I think hell is being unable to give yourself to God/Allah.
I don't think you should be afraid. Shall I quote the words of Princess Elsa to you?

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You used the phrase "delusion of reference" which caught my eye. It's a word used by the psychiatric community.

A faithless person would tell you that you are suffering from the first stages of mental illness. Did someone suggest that to you?
You are a person of faith though-that's why you're here.

Any person of faith whether they be Muslim, Christian, Buddist etc may say what you are experiencing is a good thing as is the first stages of ego death. Muslims talk about "being a slave to Allah" essentially giving up yourself to him and....letting go, Catholics say the same thing (albeit in a different way) and the ultimate goal of a Buddist is to seek oneness with the whole that is God. All the same thing really. Your fear of hell is perhaps a tool that your subconsious is using to teach you .

I'm chatting btw, questioning, mulling over not 'telling' you I am right.

You fear hell...worse, you fear that you cannot avoid hell because you were born full of sin.
Surely the next step is to say "Allah, I am helpless, I need you to take my hand because I am nothing without you"

I think hell is being unable to give yourself to God/Allah.
I don't think you should be afraid. Shall I quote the words of Princess Elsa to you?

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I know it doesn't feel like it, but this is a mercy from Allah (swt) and a great sign of humility and iman on your part that you often question your niyyah to the point of wondering whether you're a hypocrite. This is something the Sahaba (ra) also did. Umar (ra) constantly asked the Prophet (saw) "am i a hypocrite?" because he was so afraid of doing bad things or thinking bad thoughts etc that he kept asking until the Prophet (saw) had to reassure him that he wasn't.

There's a quote I saw the other day that the hypocrite is the one that believes he is safe from hypocrisy (ie he is so arrogant that he considers all his deeds to be correct and doesn't check or question himself) and that the true believer often lives in fear of being a hypocrite. Those aren't the exact words but that's the gist of the meaning. Actually I've just found the exact quote on this link, which is well worth reading:

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I am scared when I read the Qur'an. I am afriad that the verses that condemn disbelievers, are signs when I read them. That I am also going to hell. So what do i do to stop thinking this way and think about Allah's mercy instead?

Laila, how much of a preoccupation is this? Is it something that crosses your mind or something you think about all the time?

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Why? Are you doing something wrong? If not, then don't let shaytan deceive you. Because he attacks people in different ways. Some he makes overconfident so they continue to sin until death while others he tries to make hopeless so they try and remain in fear until exhaustion.

Try to remain between fear and hope.

thanks, but I feel that I don't have a right to feel hope. what do you think :jkk: