Last night on Toddlers & Tiaras, we spent quite a bit of time with Tricia, SamiJo's mom. Tricia, who has a Jesus fish tattoo and a cross-adorned plaque in the kitchen of her crossy home which reads, "when in doubt, look up" explained to us that much has changed since we saw her earlier this year. For starters, she had to have a breast augmentation so that she could be in the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant. It was "necessary," she informed us. She did not win (or place) in the competition, but that's okay, because her "ultimate goal" is to be in the Lingerie Football League. Meanwhile, when Tricia was going through SamiJo's heavily-Photoshopped photographs, and SamiJo expressed distaste (eewwww) about one picture, Tricia said, "You don't like that one? You look chubby?" Way to put words in a two-year-old's mouth (and possibly body-conscious thoughts in her mind). Also! It was really amusing the way Tricia explained that by doing pageants herself, she now has a lot more respect "for what SamiJo enjoys." As though she made a serious effort and went outside of her comfort zone to experience something her child is interested in. Ha. The kid is not the pageant enthusiast. You are. Own up to it.

Last night's episode showed us that the tired expression, "beauty is pain," is still …
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Tricia's husband, Sam, attempted to discuss how much the family has spent on pageants. He believes that he's spent over $100,000 over the last two years. Tricia sees it all as vital, saying that she's spent $3,000 on preparing SamiJo for the America's Ultimate Beauties pageant and "we may have to spend more." Sam, on the cash wasted: "Makes my gut hurt." Don't blame you, dude. Spending $100k on dresses, hair, makeup and entry fees for a few rhinestone crowns is gut-hurty. (According to SamiJo's Facebook page, she does one or two pageants a month; if each one sets the family back three grand, it adds up fast.)

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By the by: SamiJo's pageant performance was disastrous; she fell four times. It was not her fault — Tricia really should have tried out the hoop skirt before the kid hit the stage. But SamiJo won Photo Burrito Supreme or something, which Tricia was thrilled about since it will "help SamiJo's modeling career." Surely everyone celebrating SamiJo's 3rd birthday at Hooters last night agreed.