PM, did you see the section in my last entry about stress? I kept thinking of you when I was watching it - I was going to email you the link! Think you would get a lot out of it.

I did see that. I have been thinking a lot about how I go about my day lately. I've been relooking at Dr. Lam's info on adrenal fatigue and realizing that I was just in a false state of feeling better but that healing underneath was still happening. That is when he says to be really careful because any stressor can send a person back down to an even lower low that they had before. I'm literally not sure I could survive that! So, I've been thinking about stress and noticing how I tend to do things very tensely. Gardening, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping - it doesn't matter how much of a non stress activity it should be, I find myself racing through it and tensing my body. This, shockingly, doesn't actually make the task get done faster, it only turns it from something that could be relaxing into something that is stressful and wears me out. I'm trying really hard to relax through out the day so that I'm not adding stress to every waking moment of my life when it doesn't have to be that way. Even since I had kids I feel like I'm in a mad panic to get things done as quickly as possible. All residual from the days of their babyhood when spare moments were few and I often had 10 minutes to get a days worth of work done.

Sorry I've been so quiet. I'm reading, but often don't have a clear enough head to formulate my thoughts into words. Overall I'm doing better though. I'm stopping exertion before I feel like I need to and religiously going to bed before 10pm. It is all really helping a lot I think I might have even lost a tiny bit of weight.

My first daughter LOVED this song so much. When she was about a year old there was a commercial that used this song (I used to watch Food network all day while stuck in bed with fatigue and nursing 24/7) and whenever it was on her head would whip around and just look awestruck. We bought it on CD for her and she played it over and over and over. Autism at it's cutest

Yogabare,
I appreciate you putting a link to your journal on my thread. I have read the entire thing and am quite fascinated at the outcome. As I read, I could hear my body saying yes! yes! yes! It is crazy the symptoms I have had. I haven't checked my temp yet, but I felt cold all the time, to the point that I wanted to move away because I just couldn't stand winter. I live in a fairly warm climate and our winters are pretty mild, but cold was just unbearable. I also never sweat when I exercise, although I am working very hard. I remember before I started dieting feeling hot all the time. Since my binging has gotten out of control and I have episodes 3-4x per week now and don't restrict or purge as much anymore, I have noticed that I am not as cold anymore. I, too, used to eat because I felt cold. I would also guzzle hot tea because I was freezing all the time, when others were warm.

I need to research more, but i did read the link you sent me from 180degreehealth. I related to a lot of it because there was a time about 10 years ago that I could eat whatever I wanted and I was the thinnest I had ever been. I never thought about food, and if I did notice that I was overeating for a day or 2, my appetite would naturally go down for a few days and I maintained my weight effortlessly. I desperately wish I could remember what I ate then, but I do recall eating deep fried chicken and biscuit for breakfast, but I have no idea what else I ate. Needless to say, that was before I cared what was healthy. Its crazy because food was of that little importance to me that I don't even remember what I ate. I can tell you pretty much everything I have eaten for 2+ years because it is journaled or whatever (except the binges). Whenever I ate whatever I wanted, I never gained weight until my second pregnancy when I started overeating for some reason. My ED developed after this when I forced off baby weight from vigorous diet and exercise. My binging started about a year ago and I have put 25+ lbs on my small frame. When I first started gaining, I remember weighing 127 lbs which was unacceptable, but considering I now weigh 147 from trying to lose those few pounds, I would give anything to have just been happy there. Funny prior to "healthy" eating, I easily maintained 115.

I am going to take the plunge and eat whatever food I want whenever I want, with exception of processed foods. I am hoping to stockpile some nutrients during this time. I do notice that I have fewer cravings when I am well fed. I am past the point of caring if I lose weight or not. Summer is here and I am not going to be in a bikini anyway, so who cares? I just want food to be food. Thank you for inspiring me.

Definitely a joke here, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I do eventually want children. There is something beautiful about the birth of life, to know you helped produce this little seed that you can make blossom into a beautiful flower. Then that child could possibly have children of their own, and the circle continues. I think in this way, you could really live forever, a small part of you carrying on through generation after generation.