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Keeping Mum

Telling people you’re pregnant is cool. Telling people you’re having lots of sex and trying to get pregnant? Hm. Decidedly less cool. Plus there’s just too much baggage with the subject. Pregnant? Happy day! Trying to concieve? Well, you’re either sharing too much info, or you’re about to receive too much info.

So, I worry about expressing any interest in wanting a child in front of anyone. Friends, parents, nosy old ladies. Anyone. Hence, the reason for this blog–the vehicle for expressing that which no one cares about. I have only one reader (yet) who is a personal friend. And maybe another by accidentally leaving incriminating windows open while trying to watch a show. But otherwise, mum is not the word. There is no word. I’m entirely mute on the topic.

Or so I thought. I realize that among my friends and family my muteness speaks loudly. When babies come up in conversation (which in a Mormon community is every damn day), I don’t joke like I used to. And maybe I’m paranoid, or maybe it’s the afterglow from all that love makin’, but people seem to look at us differently.

Take for example last Saturday. We ventured to the Saturday market to pick up some plants for our garden (did you see that? That’s me garden-dropping. Get used to it because >this< lady considers herself quite the urban farmerette). Some old friend of my sister in law stopped us for a chat. I don’t know how she recognized my husband (who she had not seen since high school and he was several grades below her), but she did. She introduced us to her husband and her year old son. Right after “How are you?” she asked “So are YOU guys talking about having a baby?”

Say wha…?

She’s never met me. Knows my husband only in passing in high school. And the second thing she asks is whether or not we’re planning on procreating. And she wasn’t even a Mo. No no no, this was a hippie of the first degree, right down to the hairy pits visible through her thin organic hemp tank top.

Anyway. Ever since, I feel as if I’m carrying around a sign that says “Baby Hungry.” Which I’m not, because that’s a creepy expression. If anything I’m Baby Desirous and only then after 9 months to really bond with the thing and get used to the idea.

So friends, once I finally share this blog with you and if you happen to look in the archives, just tell me I was totally sneaky. Please. I’m trying ever so hard.

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3 thoughts on “Keeping Mum”

I suppose it’s also possible that the unshaven flimsy organic hemp tanktop wearer simply likes to ask uncomfortable, personal questions of persons she barely knows. Or that because she has an infant, she assumes that it’s something that everybody else is thinking about. She was correct in your case, but it may not have been due to some particular perspicacity on her part or baby desire simply oozing from your pores.

That said, I found myself being much more guarded about what I said. I was doing A LOT of research in the months up to the decision to try this conception thing, and revealing factoids had a way of sliding into everyday conversation unintentionally. My sister-in-law and I were talking about hospitals (for Lord knows what reason) and I blurted out, “Did you know that the traditional supine position most hospitals make women birth in can close up the pelvic cavity as much as 40%?” Blinkety-blink-blink. “Errrr. Uh. No. I didn’t know that.” She had the grace to not inquire further, but hello, stupid!

I confess that your multiplicity of baby-related dreams (nightmares?) indicated to me that babies were clearly in your thoughts and/or fears. However, you chose to tell me about those. Had you not, I don’t think I would have suspected that baby-related thoughts were taking up a fair amount of your spare grey matter.

My baby dreams have mostly stopped now. It’s weird. Yeah, and I told you those because I was sure you’d appreciate them and frankly I didn’t care if you knew anything. Their sheer volume was enough to be hilarious. I am really glad I confessed all to you though, because otherwise I’d go a little crazy. I think it was a lot easier to do because you were pregnant and visiting. Especially since you visited right around the time when we officially made the decision, I was so one-track-mind that had I not shared, I think we might have run out of things to discuss before 2:00.