Claire Black: Biggest problem on planes is parents

Passengers are willing to pay to ensure they dont have to sit near children. Picture: Getty

CLAIRE BLACK

SO WHAT are we to make of the fact that seven out of ten people claim to dislike flying with infants so much (other people’s one assumes) that they’d like to see child-free zones created on planes? That’s not all.

More than a third (39 per cent) think that such zones should be compulsory on long-haul flights.

I’m taking the results of this survey badly because I am a recent inductee into a club of which no one wants to be a member – the parent of an infant who still wants to have a life which includes leisure time spent in places more salubrious than softplay centres. I’m not being snobbish, but you can’t get a flat white and an organic granola bar in any softplay centre I’ve ever been to.

I know what it’s like to walk into a cafe peopled with customers gazing at their Mac Airs while simultaneously tapping on their iPhones in clothes that are both ironed (no one told me that ironing ceases when children are born) and free from puke stains. Their bags are slimline because everything they are carrying is designed by Apple, they have no need for two nappies (one is a novice’s mistake), wipes, a spare vest, a spare pair of trousers, a muslin, a rubber giraffe, a bag of rice cakes. They look at me as if I am carrying a vial of deadly toxin rather than a baby.

I know a screaming child isn’t exactly an aid to relaxation or concentration. And I understand that when in a confined space – a plane, let’s say – the threat they pose to peace and quiet is ratcheted up as though in direct proportion to each thousand feet of altitude, but we were all babies once. What’s happened to us that we’d be willing to pay up to £63 on a return long-haul flight or £28 on a short-haul one to avoid them entirely?

I’ve done my share of long-haul flying and I know what can happen. I once flew from Doha to London – I’d already done a six-hour flight by the time I boarded this one so I was in a state that I think could be reasonably described as one scented towel away from homicidal – and there was a small boy on board who spent at least two hours running up and down the aisles whacking the lolling heads of sleeping passengers with his fat, toddler hand as his parents blithely slept cocooned with eye-masks and sound-cancelling headphones. I did wonder if he would fit down the toilet in order to be flushed out at 37,000ft, but even in my addled state I knew the culprits were his parents not the boy.

And if child-free flights ever become a reality then the kind of parents who let their children torment everyone else will be the first in the queue to buy their tickets when they can escape their offspring, and trust me they are just the type to be chair-kickers, arm-rest hoggers and the kind who order their drinks from the trolley four at a time.

Give me the babies any day.

Take a breath

WHEN was the last time you gave a thought to your breathing? Obviously it’s keeping you alive so you’re probably not entirely disinterested in it. But I suspect there are few other activities essential to life to which we pay so little attention. It wasn’t until someone pointed out – years ago – that I frequently stop doing it entirely that I got interested in mine. The reason I mention it is because with the launch last week of an all-party parliamentary group on mindfulness, being encouraged to take a few deep breaths may be about to become more mainstream. Some MPs are already doing it (that’s got to help for PMQs, surely?) and I hope some MSPs are too. Meanwhile, teachers are teaching it to stressed students. Those who’ve experienced its benefits when it comes to mental health talk about its life-changing potential. If you are sceptical I offer you a challenge: close your eyes, feel your feet on the ground and notice your breathing, just follow it, don’t change it. Now notice what’s going on in your body. Aches? Pains? Hot bits? Cold bits? Just notice. Try it for a few minutes. How quickly did your mind fill up with other thoughts – what you did earlier, what you’ve got to do later. Being mindful is about being in the moment. If it sounds a bit cheesecloth shirt and knitted shoes, then all I can say is don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

This website and its associated newspaper adheres to the Independent Press Standards Organisation's Editors' Code of Practice.
If you have a complaint about editorial content which relates to inaccuracy or intrusion, then contact the
Editor by clicking here.

If you remain dissatisfied with the response provided then you can contact the IPSO by
clicking here.

The Scotsman provides news, events and sport features from the Edinburgh area. For the best up to date information relating to Edinburgh and the surrounding areas visit us at The Scotsman regularly or bookmark this page.

For you to enjoy all the features of this website The Scotsman requires permission to use cookies.

Find Out More ▼

What is a Cookie?

What is a Flash Cookie?

Can I opt out of receiving Cookies?

About our Cookies

Cookies are small data files which are sent to your browser (Internet Explorer, Firefox, Chrome etc) from a website you visit. They are stored on your electronic device.

This is a type of cookie which is collected by Adobe Flash media player (it is also called a Local Shared Object) - a piece of software you may already have on your electronic device to help you watch online videos and listen to podcasts.

Yes there are a number of options available, you can set your browser either to reject all cookies, to allow only "trusted" sites to set them, or to only accept them from the site you are currently on.

However, please note - if you block/delete all cookies, some features of our websites, such as remembering your login details, or the site branding for your local newspaper may not function as a result.

The types of cookies we, our ad network and technology partners use are listed below:

Revenue Science ►

A tool used by some of our advertisers to target adverts to you based on pages you have visited in the past. To opt out of this type of targeting you can visit the 'Your Online Choices' website by clicking here.

Google Ads ►

Our sites contain advertising from Google; these use cookies to ensure you get adverts relevant to you. You can tailor the type of ads you receive by visiting here or to opt out of this type of targeting you can visit the 'Your Online Choices' website by clicking here.

Digital Analytics ►

This is used to help us identify unique visitors to our websites. This data is anonymous and we cannot use this to uniquely identify individuals and their usage of the sites.

Dart for Publishers ►

This comes from our ad serving technology and is used to track how many times you have seen a particular ad on our sites, so that you don't just see one advert but an even spread. This information is not used by us for any other type of audience recording or monitoring.

ComScore ►

ComScore monitor and externally verify our site traffic data for use within the advertising industry. Any data collected is anonymous statistical data and cannot be traced back to an individual.

Local Targeting ►

Our Classified websites (Photos, Motors, Jobs and Property Today) use cookies to ensure you get the correct local newspaper branding and content when you visit them. These cookies store no personally identifiable information.

Grapeshot ►

We use Grapeshot as a contextual targeting technology, allowing us to create custom groups of stories outside out of our usual site navigation. Grapeshot stores the categories of story you have been exposed to. Their privacy policy and opt out option can be accessed here.

Subscriptions Online ►

Our partner for Newspaper subscriptions online stores data from the forms you complete in these to increase the usability of the site and enhance user experience.

Add This ►

Add This provides the social networking widget found in many of our pages. This widget gives you the tools to bookmark our websites, blog, share, tweet and email our content to a friend.