Miscarried at 20 weeks

Arpierce2 wrote:

Hey everyone! We found out yesterday at our 20 week app that our son didn't have a heartbeat. According to measurements he was at 15 weeks although the doc said that he probably had shrank some so he was most likely older than 15 weeks. Our doctor scheduled us for a D&E on Friday. Because I've never been through this before I didn't know what questions to ask the doctor. Now, today, after having time to clear my head and think, I'm wondering if we have other options. I've been researching the internet and other women in similar situations and several were given the option to go through labor or have the D&E. My question is to you who have been in a similar situation as me what did you choose and should I push my doctor to give me another option?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also found out at my 20 week appt that my daughter had passed. I was induced the next day and gave birth to my daughter. As emotionally difficult as the process was, I would urge you to consider it. The labor itself, as well as the birthing process are not physically painful (not for me anyways.) We kept our daughter with us for 3 hours. We named her, allowed family to come see her, and had her pictures taken. I have her feet prints as well. For me, giving birth (rather than the D&C route) provided closure. We had a small funeral service and buried our daughter in a local cemetery as well. My doctor didn't even mention D&C as a first option. Now that I have read other's stories, I'm glad she didn't. Whatever you choose should be what you feel is best for you and your family. This is just my experience. I'm still grieving, and I still miss my Ava terribly, but I also feel like I have as much closure as possible.

I had a D&E 10 days ago after learning at an ultrasound that our baby did not have a heartbeat at almost 18 weeks. Just a few days before all had seemed fine. My perinatologist recommended that route and I was fine with being under anesthesia and having it over with quickly. I have also had two prior c-sections, so induction was not a great option for me. The surgery went fine and I have had basically no bleeding since. I miscarried at 10 weeks in June and am still in shock to have lost another one. Having a prolonged induction and birth process would not have been good for me, but definitely talk to your doctor about the pros and cons of all of your options. And I am so very sorry.

It will be the hardest thing you have to go through but I recommend it. (Labor) like another woman said you get time to meet your beautiful baby, take pictures and spend the little time you have with em.

H

Haileybrennan

My water broke at 22 weeks so I went through labor and I would consider it because it gives you the option to hold them and be with them and it was a huge part of the closure process for me. I still can't believe it sometimes but like I said I would consider your options

We lost our son at 21 weeks. I laboured & gave birth to him. While it broke my heart to give birth to a baby who wasn't going to live, emotionally I'm glad I did. We got to bath him, clothe him, tell him how much we loved him & got photos & prints of his hands & feet. I felt that this process (for us) helped us show him much we loved him. I'm not saying women who opt for surgery don't love their babies at all, just for my husband & I we felt we were given an opportunity to love on him for the first & last time. It's emotionally really full on, so you will have to mentally prepare yourself that it's not going to have the happy ending that most labours do. I have no regrets, as I'm sure women who opt for surgery don't. It's up to you & what you know you can handle, trust your gut. We will all be here for you either way xx I'm very sorry for your loss

I think you should at least consider giving birth and contact Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep organization to have pictures done.

I really don't think you'll regret the decision.

The months (and years) ahead are going to be very hard. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve.

_

_shayxo

I found out my son had passed when I was 20 weeks as well. I delivered. I went through a day and a half of vaginal induction pills at the hospital. I experienced period like cramps but other than that the actual birth was completely painless. My family and I spent a few hours with him after he was born. We took pictures of and with him. And the hospital took pictures of him and made us a very nice photo album and memory box. I said my final goodbye to him the next day, and he was sent to the morgue. We arraigned a grave sight funeral for him and he's buried next to his infant cousin.

My prayers for you and your family. I know how rough it is but you will get through it ! *internet hugs*

c

camdyn17

I lost my son at 21 weeks and I had no choice but to be induced and deliver.

I'm so sorry. I've been through a very similar situation. I lost my baby boy in November at 17 weeks. I was not given the option of a d&c/d&e because of how far along I was. I was given the option to miscarry naturally at home or to induce labor at the hospital. I chose to go into the hospital and induce labor. I labored for 11 hours total, then gave birth to my son. I still ended up needing a d&c afterwards because the placenta wouldn't detach on its own. It wasn't easy physically, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I held my baby and saw him before saying goodbye and that made it all worthwhile to me.

They did our pictures as well. A service provided by local photographers through the hospital. I'm sorry you weren't given the same option. You can go online and find photographers near you.

c

ccdcny

I went in for my 18 week appt and also learned there was no heartbeat and baby passed somewhere between 15-16 weeks. I chose d&e as I couldn't handle the emotion of labor and delivery. I still got footprints and we named our son on his due date. It's so hard. Either option has it's pros and cons. I have 2 other very young kids so I couldn't be in hospital for too long. Good luck. I am 15 weeks along now and so scared it could happen again.

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