One woman's journey from Fat to Fab

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Where to begin…On August 22 2013 I had RNY. My highest weight that I can remember was 230 pounds. I am currently 165. My lowest after surgery was 142. I have bounce up 23 pounds. And I am not happy. I am back to keep myself accountable and to let others know that no matter what surgery you have, it’s not a cure, there is no magic pill and the struggle to keep the weight off will always be a real one.

I started Weight Watchers and I want to chronicle my journey here- because I have come such a long way and don’t ever want to be that 230 woman ever again.

I also want to catch you up on what’s happened after all these months.

It has been so long since I last posted. My life has been so busy, busy with jobs, my daughter, and just summer-y things. All good stuff!

I got the library position for the summer, and that has been going great! My last day is the 13th and I have enjoyed my experience there. I also worked another PT job at the university working with incoming freshmen as a mentor of sorts. That ends on the 5th.

Along with working 2 PT jobs this summer- my actual job (Which is a ten-month position) is going through some changes- mainly office space. I get a new office- one with a better view but smaller. I was a little ticked at first- but I figure I’ll be shrinking too so maybe it will be ok! 😉

So my surgery date is August 22! I cannot believe it! I have had many appointments and a few left to go…Here is a rundown

1. Pulmonologist- Passed

2. Psy Eval- Passed

3. Weigh-ins/three months needed- CHECK!

4. Pre-surgical testing- today

5. Primary doc clearance- Tuesday

6. Cardiologist- Thursday

7. NUT- August 14th

WOW- I cannot believe the date is coming by so fast- when I started this journey I really thought the day would never come- and now that it is here I am nervous/excited/scared/overwhelmed/joyful/ too many emotions to express.

I didn’t have to lose weight for my insurance or doctors orders, but was told not to gain. I had to follow a three month supervised diet, I lost a total of 3 pounds- LOL a pound a month! This actually shocked me because I thought my eating would be out of control- but it really isn’t. I plan on going to a few of my favorite restaurants this last month to have one last hurrah.

How did you feel as your surgery date approached? Or for pre-ops how are you feeling?

I still need to tell a few close family members I am having the surgery and I am nervous at what their reactions are going to be. I really want to surround myself with positivity these last few weeks.

Sometimes I think- why am I having this surgery- can’t I just LOSE it on my own? Or I look in the mirror and I see someone who is not that big.

But then I remember all those times I lost on Weight Watchers- just to gaining it back. Or I see myself in a photograph and I am reminded that I REALLY am 100 pounds overweight.

So, my friends, the date is approaching- It still hasn’t sunk in. But I am hoping for great things to come!

I work as a ten month employee at a University. Every year my supervisor has given me the opportunity to teach a summer class so I could make ends meet. This year, only a few weeks prior to the class starting, she informs me I will no longer be teaching. I was devastated. Thankfully I have some of my tax return money that I can use to pay the bills come summer break (June 16-August 15)

Then today I got some news. I was asked to interview for a PT position on campus. It won’t make nearly the same amount of money I would teaching, but it is in the library! (Did I mention I am getting my second Masters in Library Science!) And this would give me some hands on experience I would need once I start looking for jobs after I graduate. I haven’t gotten the job yet, but it has made me start thinking about planning and opportunities, fate and luck. I firmly believe we make our own luck. But we need to always be on the lookout for opportunity and be prepared for it.

This summer I am also preparing for my surgery on August 22. I am excited and scared, but I have made sure to do my due diligence and plan as much as I can. So much change going on in my life this summer. I can’t hardly wait!

As you can tell by my handle, and if you have read previous blog posts, I am a mom to a preemie. And today, I have just been asked to chair a big event (Precious Preemies Fashion Show) for our local chapter of the March of Dimes! I am so thrilled! It is such an honor! Here is a pic from last year’s event…

I got a letter from my surgeon’s office today, I am scheduled in July for my cardiology appt. It also said I should be getting letters for my psych eval, NUT and the like soon. Made me think of the Wizard of Oz. In a sense I am like the 4 main characters. Like the scarecrow (my favorite character) I need a brain- or at least a psch eval. Like the Tin Man I need a heart (cardio eval) like the Lion- I now need the nerve to go through it all. And like Dorothy, I hope this journey leads me home.

I don’t do every-night. Or, all that often. But when I do. It’s pretty bad. And by bad I mean I consume A LOT of calories. Yes- midnight snacking and me go way back. When I was little and skinny I did it. When I was in college and skinny I did it. And now in the cloak of darkness when everyone is asleep I will do it. Chocolate and cheese are my usual go-to foods. Sometimes crackers or chips and chocolate. I get into this vicious cycle of salty and sweet. At first it’s dignified, a little of this a little of that. But before I know it I am just shoveling it in. It’s disgusting. Sometimes I do it when I eat an early dinner. Then I am too embarrassed to get something else to eat in front of my boyfriend. So I think I’ll be fine, but by 11 or 12 I get a ravenous hunger. I could eat something light. But no I choose the salty and sweet. The fatty and processed. And the cycle starts again. Today I decided after a late night binge last night, that I will not do that ever again. My life is going to change forever on August 22, but I need to start making changes now!

A few months ago I won a certificate for a local spa worth 100 dollars. It was a fancy pants Spa, one I could not afford without the certificate, so I decided to treat myself and use some of my birthday cash (yes, my parents still gift me cash!) and my certificate and head to the Spa as a birthday present to me! All in all it was a great day! I got a fab pedi and a magnificent facial. But there were a couple of things that I have to address:

1. The Robes!

I came in and was greeted warmly and shown all the facilities, hot tub, sauna, terrace where I could dine and lounge etc. Then I was given a robe and told to change into the robe and head to the “resting area” that looked like a beautiful roman bathing area. Problem. They gave me a size LARGE robe, which I guess for most they would consider a one size fits all. But, um. Not me People! Did they not look at my large ass? LOL So , embarrassed and slightly pissed I put my clothes back on and had to locate someone who could help me. “Can I get a larger size please?” I whispered as I sheepishly raised the robe towards the women. “Of course” she said, as she looked at me. I could not figure out what her look expressed then, and I still can’t. I, of course, thought the worst. She probably thinks I am a fat ass that doesn’t belong. But maybe not. Who knows, all I know is I’ll put that on my bucket list for something to look forward to after surgery. Fitting into things that are meant as a one size fits all.

2. The hot tub/pool

Calling the hot tub they had a hot tub would be an understatement, it was more like a very heated beautiful tropical pool. I brought my swimsuit like they indicated on the phone, then I chickened out. I saw all the tan and toned bodies and I just chickened out. Also, many people had friends with them or they were couples. I was alone, which I usually don’t care about, I mean I did eat by myself on the beautiful terrace with all the other couples, but putting myself in the vulnerable position of being in a bathing suit alone, I could not do. I was immediately disappointed as I drove away from the Spa not having taking advantage of the great hot tub. I hate that my weight has to play any role in my life. I cannot wait till I am comfortable enough in my own skin to not care what others think.

Maybe next year on my birthday I’ll take my birthday cash and head back, and see if I fit into the robes, and confidently sink into the hot tub!