Not Really A Story I Just Have No One To Vent Everything Too.

Well. Anyone who reads this may think I'm a sook or weird or annoying or anything but why are you even reading if all you're going to do is judge? well I just need to get some things off my chest ... even though it's on the internet.... Oh well , you get the gist of what I'm saying. So for starters I hate my body. I'm not what you would call fat not skinny but leaning a bit more towards skinny. But lately i've been gaining weight and my grade 9 grad dress is starting to get tight and I'm hating myself for it. I try so hard not to eat junk food & exercise but it's actually so hard for me. Not liking any vegetables besides 2 or 3 doesn't help either. So I tried to make myself throw up , it didn't work out to well , it only made my throat soar. So that made me mad, then on top of that my best friend that i've had since I was a baby is graduating grade 12 in a few days , but she lives a few hours away from me and I really want to go out there but my mother is not letting me all cause she thinks I'm going to drink at the after grad party? which I told her multiple times I won't , I guess she knows me to well.. But idk she may let me but the way she was talking to me .. so hypocritically made me mad as well. ALSO , on top of everything else I have THE most shittiest love life you could ever imagine , and i really don't know why cause not to be cocky or conceited but I'm not that ugly , I may not be drop dead gorgeous but I'm far from greasy and gross , I personally don't find myself very attractive but I'm told otherwise by people.. So idfk. But along with the ****** love life I maybe just maybe falling for my best friend but I don't know if I am or not at first I thought maybe it's just people getting into my head , I mean how could I love the boy? we're too close to risk anything , and he looks at me as a sister + he's basically with another girl which upsets me a little bit. And I find him utterly beautiful even though he's short:) and when he hugs me or touches me in any matter i love it and I always want to be with him , and i get jealous when I see him with her and I often find my self thinking about him a lot. So what does that mean? Do I like the boy? I don't know truly I don't and that frustrates me a lot. Nobody knows about these feelings toward him though. It's tough bottling stuff up , but I do it a lot. Also I cut myself a few times. no ones knows that and I got drunk my last visit to my hometown and i ******* loved it. And I can't wait to do it again , and I'm loving getting this stuff out there! haha , but ya that's it I'm glad I could vent but now I'm just tired. Tired from the world from everything, thinking too much. But it's all I can do I guess , Life's a *****.

I am so excited to find a place where I can actually express my atheist ideas, questions and comments. I'm so tired of walking on egg shells and trying not to be too offensive about my comments regarding religions. Growing up Christian it was ingrained in me that Christians were...