MOVIE REVIEW: Monsters vs. Aliens

For some reason, entertainment executives think that kids are into things that repulse the common, everyday adult. It’s almost as if they think the more disgusting, the more kid-friendly a work is. I hate to say this, but the thought of Monsters vs. Aliens makes me want to give up my movie theater popcorn and the Starbucks frappuccino that I loved so much.

In Monsters vs. Aliens, poor Susan Murphy (voiced by Reese Witherspoon) is hit by a radioactive meteor and becomes a “ginormous” woman stuck in a government facility with four other monsters: The Missing Link (Will Arnett), Dr. Cockroach, Ph.D. (Hugh Laurie), Bob (Seth Rogen), and Pestisaurus, a giant, furry, butterfly thing. General W. R. Monger (Kiefer Sutherland) is the wrangler of this herd, rounding out the crew. The plot being that earth is being attacked by an alien named Gallaxhar (Rainn Wilson) and the only heroes up to the task are the “monsters.”

It’s hard to evaluate, or critique if you will, the actors of this film, because it’s just their voices. But, I guess the voices convey enough feeling and excitement. Of course, the well-placed star stellar cast helps the movie, but not enough to make it wholly entertaining.

The other voices of note are: Stephen Colbert as President Hathaway’s voice, Paul Rudd as Derek Dietl, Jeffrey Tambor as Carl Murphy, Julie White as Wendy Murphy, Amy Poehler as Gallaxhar’s talking computer with more brains than Gallaxhar, Renee Zellweger as Katie, and John Krasinki as Cuthbert.

Screenwriters Wallace Wolodarsky, Rob Letterman, Jonathan Aibel, and Glenn Berger managed to create a plot that is mediocre and somehow kid-friendly. The miniscule action is enough to keep children entertained. But, adults will find themselves snoring. I was unfortunate enough to have a frappuccino, so I wasn’t afforded an option to sleep through this sleeper. Not that I would. (I can’t give an honest review if I haven’t seen all of the film.) Also, you know what I always say, if there are too many writers on a script, it’s an indication that something is wrong with it and the story is usually not entertaining. This case is true, for the most part, in Monsters vs. Aliens.

In Monsters, like in every kid movie, there should be some kind lesson or moral of the movie at the end. But I can’t see any kind of lesson in this film. It’s just a poor knock-off of such horror films as Freddy vs. Jason. I wasn’t impressed with that film either. The whole scenario of a good big life form fighting off an evil big life form is shopworn and needs a new model.

The direction of the film by Rob Letterman and Conrad Vernon is a little hard to judge, as well. The movie is, pretty much, a cartoon. So, it’s only natural that there are two directors: one for the animation, one for the action. As far as I can see, the direction is OK. The plot points are conveyed, but I can’t bring myself to care about any of the story, except for Susan’s plight as Ginormica, the giant woman.

How horrifying to have something like that happen to you on your wedding day. Most brides figure the worst thing that could happen on their day is that the groom doesn’t show up or they stain their wedding gown.

So, I will give a brownie point to the four writers who brainstormed that scenario. It’s interesting and sad, which is a good thing. All films are supposed to affect some kind of emotion, even torture porn horror flicks. You know I hate those with a passion; which is an emotion that is affected any time I have to hear about such films.

I know it’s wrong to give a kids’ movie a bad review, because kids aren’t that discriminating in their tastes, but Monsters vs. Aliens is gooey, disgusting, makes my stomach churn, and is boring. Take your children to see this movie at your own boring expense.