Thursday, November 11, 2010

I'm a really good looking fellow. That goes without saying. Believe it or not I have kissed several very pretty girls on the face. I recently celebrated my 26th birthday and like any red blooded American I wanted only one thing: Birthday Sex.

A few questions remained unanswered though. Who would give me this birthday sex? Like the robot once said,

"It takes two to play a game of Global Thermonuclear War,"

and smooshing requires a similar number of participants (1-5 depending on which state you're in). I ventured out in search of a likely female of breeding age and inclination in search of certain things. The results were decidedly negative, but I never do anything if I don't think at least someone will find it funny.

So I figured I'd check with Emily, my first agent/entertainment lawyer and in house counselor ever. She's a very good sport.

Undaunted I pushed onward, casting my line and hoping for a little nibble. Acting on E's sage advice, I boldly tried again.

Things progressed swimmingly from that point on, I turned back to the facemash to try my luck.

A very good friend of mine is a brightly colored crayon named Christine, but she was a bit too far away to sign up for any kind of coitus.

Some people did not react at all.

Stacey, who was perhaps the most interested of all, was easily distracted.

The best way to keep your website online is to ask your webmaster's girlfriend if she wants to breed.

The first girl to ever have sex with me didnt seem to be interested in giving it another try. She is no longer impressed with me or my mustache.

Pei Pei was easily the runner up in terms of being interested.

The prettiest girl in Tennessee unfortunately seems to have developed a case of very bad taste, but if she was here I'm sure she'd be interested.

But actually I had a really awesome birthday. I kissed a pretty girl on the mouth several times, had duck tacos, made friends with a squirrel, drank 3 liters of Stone beer, and had delicious foods and beers from Haven Gastropub. Felt great. Also my twin brother turned 26 too, but he is a dickshit so this blog is all about me.