How to Date an Older Woman Without Being An Idiot

There are a lot of reasons why dating an older woman might be attractive to you. Maybe Robin Wright’s amazing quote in Vanity Fair about her life with Ben Foster ("Perhaps it’s not ladylike [to say], but I’ve never laughed more, read more, or come more than with Ben. He inspires me to be the best of myself.") has you considering a search for your own Claire Underwood-style partner in crime. Maybe you recognize that older women are often successful and confident and those are attractive qualities to you. Or maybe you came of age during the era of the MILF and your intentions aren’t so pure, because you’re an entitled douchebag that treats women like a pack of baseball cards you’re simply trying to collect. Who knows?! There are so many reasons.

But, if your reasons align more with the first two examples and not with the garbage-y third one, congrats! You may not be a total piece of shit and this guide might help you be the Ben Foster to someone’s Robin Wright. If that third reason seems more true to you, do everybody a favor and go home and masturbate sadly, and spare the women of the world your bullshit. Anyway! On to the guide!

1. Never refer to her as an "older woman."

The reason for this important piece of advice isn’t some hacky bit about women not liking to acknowledge their ages. (Newsflash: Once you’re twenty-five, only weirdos and people in prison like getting to their next birthday.) It’s because you shouldn’t refer to a potential partner in terms that distance you from them. The age difference is a real thing that can sometimes cause real problems, but by highlighting it you’re just putting up walls that separate you from them. A good rule of thumb for all dating human interaction is "just treat them like a valuable person." Don’t qualify it. "You’re so beautiful for a..." is a sentence that has never ended successfully ever.

2. Don’t be threatened by her success.

A big aspect of dating an older woman is that she may be further along in her career than you are in yours. (See Foster, Ben vs. Wright, Robin.) This isn’t something to be threatened by. If you can’t be happy for a partner’s success, you shouldn’t be dating that person. Or any people for that matter, because you’re probably a narcissist or an awful human being. Maybe even both!

3. Don’t date someone for any reason that isn’t "Hey, I like spending time with this person."

You know what never works out? "Hey, I feel like dating a [describes a type of person] now." Sure, it may lead to some fun for a while, but treating deciding who you might date like you treat deciding what to order at an off-brand fast food restaurant when you’re super high is not a great recipe for romance. It is however a great recipe for spreading HPV to many different types of people. So that’s... something. I guess.

4. Seriously, just be a person.

You know what Ben Foster didn’t do to win the heart of the lovely Robin Wright? He didn’t sit around thinking about how old she was. He was too busy being pumped about spending time with the badass, hot as hell Robin Wright. So my biggest piece of advice, as always, is to stop thinking like an idiot guy and get out of your own way. Women aren’t games to be won or riddles to be solved. They’re just people, like you, who want to find someone cool to eat dinner with, watch Netflix with, and fuck. That’s basically everyone’s dream at this point regardless of age, race, gender, orientation, whatever. So stop trying to game the system and just be a person.