Losing My Footing through Dis-Traction – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 747

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience my life as a Burden, and so constantly am trying to get away for it, hide from it and escape from it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to supress this experience of feeling like my life and all the things I have to do as a Burden through by distracting myself from my life when ever this burdensome experience comes up within me which I see I also experience as a resistance that comes up within me towards my life and the responsibilities of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist within the behavior of Self Distraction instead of investigating and introspecting on why it is that I feel compelled to distract myself to the degree where I would rather distract myself and exist within a limited expression of myself than Direct myself in and as my life in a way where I am living and expanding to my utmost potential and purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my process of Self Change as a burden, as something that “I have to do” as something that has become an obligation where I am in a state of conflict towards it and in a state of wanting to escape from it instead of embracing and living it moment by moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to utilize moments of resistance as opportunities to learn more about myself through facing them, investigating them, opening them up, understanding them so that I can be sure that I am Living to my Fullest Potential and not avoiding Self Expansion and Expression because of a point or moment of resistance that comes up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘hating resistance’ or ‘hating ‘the experience of resistance’ when really I can see here that its not the resistance that I hate, but rather I am reacting to having to face what ever point is on the other side of the resistance which I am seeing at the moment as points of Responsibility, often that I have avoided or don’t want to do, and that I also see that points of Responsibility are just different tasks, movements, activities, and expressions of myself that I have defined as responsibilities but are ultimately just different things I do that can actually potentially support me in my self development, functionality, practical stability in myself, and my life and also become a part of my living to my fullest potential.

So the point here that I see requires my attention is who I have become in relation to Responsibility or in relation to ‘Resistance’ which I see is very much connected to my Responsibilities where who I have become is someone who has developed a particular pattern/behavior of running from my resistance/responsibilities instead of facing them. Instead of addressing them, understanding them, and also working with them in a way where I can release myself from that resistance experience in relation to them. Its like I have become comfortable and well practiced at taking the path of least resistance and what I have noticed is that I end up distracting myself more and more where this behavior of distraction starts to become a more substantial part of my life to the degree where I am actually limiting myself in who I am and how I direct myself. Interesting – The path of least resistance actually leads to creating more resistance experiences. Or at least in this context I am looking at here. I realize that hiding from my experience, from my responsibilities is not a Solution, and I see that it is a kind of self-manipulation actually because in actually learning to embrace my responsibilities I see that I will develop new skills and new response abilities. I will become more. Instead of just remaining idle, and the same which is where the path of distraction gets you. Nobody wants to just remain the same and idle. People want to change, transform, create, become more, become new, become better. At least I do. So the whole idea of avoiding the chance to do this e.g., avoiding my responsibilities, is Self Manipulation.

So I see I must work with this point so that when I face these moments of resistance that instead of distracting myself, I investigate and practice and learn what the resistance is all about, and what points I am facing and how I can face them and embrace them and Direct Myself to Live to my Utmost potential and purpose. And so this is my commitment for now in facing this point/myself. I commit myself to start facing that resistance experience when it comes up instead of facing the other way and going into distraction. Because look, when I go into dis-traction, I end up with no Traction in my life because I am dis-tracting myself. So here I commit myself to face those Resistance experiences eye to eye so that I can redevelop and recreate myself as my Living Behavior to move from Distraction which is Suppression to Looking and Facing Resistance head on. Not in a fighting way, but in a way where I am willing to face it and walk through it which really means facing and walking the Responsibilities or Points that the Resistance is connected to. This way I support myself to keep my traction, keep my footing, and Keep Grounded so that I moving and living and expressing, something I cannot do if I do not have my feet on the ground and have Traction to move.

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