Thursday, January 5, 2012

Cycles

Well it was not the beginning of the end. I may have been at my wits end back then, but as we all know everything comes in cycles, ebbs/flows etc. It's part of life, taking the good with the bad. It also helps when one understands what's going on during those ebb periods.

Feeling left in the dark can be very frustrating, even when you know it will pass. Doesn't make it any less to deal with at that time.

It's a new year, and I'm sure some things won't change. I'll probably continue to air my frustrations out here, because I can. It's not that I can't/won't share them with him, this just gives me an opportunity to blow off the steam, or just vent. It helps me put things into perspective so I approach him rationally.

Much of what I'm experiencing is new, the dynamic is new, or should I say this deep of a dynamic. I've never released the slave in me before. Never trusted someone deep enough to withdraw my limits, and mean it when I use the term Master.

We may not be a conventional "hand everything over" M/s couple, but the control that has been given has been freely accepted with new boundaries examined frequently.

I don't regret giving him the power, I don't see him through rose colored glasses (just in case you haven't read previous blogs), I am first human, second a woman, third his slave (somewhere in there is mother, worker, friend, daughter etc.). I would be lying if I considered myself to be his slave above and beyond anything else I am. It's a fine line though, learning what clicks and what doesn't.

I'm learning how the M/s dynamic meshes with the parent dynamic. That is very difficult for me. One I'm struggling with actually. He doesn't have children, so it's a learning curve for both of us. I'm always on guard, but sometimes maybe too much so it feels like sometimes.