Somehow someone somewhere thought it was a good idea to give me a new Maybach for a few days. While I’m sitting in the back seat, running my bare feet along the inches-thick carpeted floor mats, trolling Craigslist for a chauffeur that owns the very specific orange plaid tux I demand, I’ve got time for questions. Veuve is flowing. Yeezy is blasting. Come at me!

First, Mercedes hasn’t provided a sticker, so I don’t know the exact price (somewhere north of $200k). Second, yes, I actually took it to get cheap tacos. Third, I’m actually answering all your questions from the back seat thanks to the built-in WiFi. Here’s proof:

My back is being massaged. My toes are barely touching the passenger seat. There are pillows and buttons and screens and an ashtray that I desperately want to fill with Swedish Fish. Or coke. Or coke-covered Swedish Fish. Whatever. Ask away!