I'll be a bit sad when he retires anyway, but I'll mainly be upset that it will leave PseudoFed with less to talk about. Hopefully he'll still commentate on the matches and tournaments he would have won, had he chosen to keep playing!

We know actual Fed has excellent English, being yet another European shaming us Brits, but I just love that the author has chosen to write Fed as if he's Hercule Poirot. It gives him so much more charm. He was also known for being very confident of his own abilities!

This is My letter to Mr. London Finals. As always, I like to share as much as possible with My fans so here it is. It was hand-delivered by staff.

Dear Mr. London,

I am fine.

Actually I am not fine. I have the little niggles that are bothering Me at the moment. I cannot go into the details because of Tommy Haas. The second half of the year has not been so good. During Shanghai I had to give up the finals of the semis because of a major weather alert. It was very risky to play in the treacherous conditions and I made some apprehensions. In the end I decided to let it go, it was just not worth it.

Just recently I was in the Basel Masters 5000 in Basel, My “homes” tournament. I have won this grand event for the past 29 years but again, I put safety first. There was an earthquake off the West Coast of Canada that morning and I decided, when facing 3 match points against Me in the tie break, that I should lose. Decided? Yes, you will know from various Press Conferences that it is Me that decides whether to win or lose matches. So, for the sake of Me and My staff I thought it better to leave Basel tout de suite in case the earthquake decided to spread and move towards us. Safety first.

Lastly, I have decided not to play in Paris. Sorry to all My French fans, I know you will be devastated. But in every pillow, there is a gold lining (well, there is in mine anyway) and I would like to tell you that Rafa won’t be there. You may all smile for 10 minutes.

Lastly, Mr. London I would like to inform you of an error for the End of Year World Tour Finals in London, at the end of the year, after the world tour, in London. I instructed staff to make the checkings on your website (internet) and you seem to have only put up one side of the draw and you have mistakenly put Me in it. I recognize most of the names. This must be Djokovic and Murray’s side of the draw. Where are the other ones that I normally play? The Little Guys? I am confident you will correct this as soon as possibles. If you need any assistance do contact My good friend Mr. Wimbledon who will be happy to help.

Lastly, to add an insult to My injuries, I feel that I was recently the victim of a dupe. What I thought was a good friend of Mine, Mr. Mark Hodgkinsons, gave Me a gift of a book he wrote. Mark is the boss of TheTennisSpace.com and they are lucky enough to have Me write some exclusives for them sometimes. He gave Me this gift wrapped in gold paper, a “special preview before the release date” he said. I was so excited! I thought it was a book about Me. I settled down with staff and arranged a small humble unwrapping ceremony. I even got comfortable waiting for staff to read it Me. To My horror I discovered it was a book about Andy Murray! As though I haven’t seen enough of him this year already! However, I think Mr. Hodgkinsons did this as the jokes so I made a small chortle. I imagine he will see Me again soon with a book about Me.

Sort out the draw Mr. London.

You’re welcome,PF

Love it especially the last two paragraphs about the absence of the "Little Guys" at the WTF and also the gift of Andy Murray's book from Mark Hodgkinson! Great stuff.

Amazing stuff. Particularly liked 'Basel Masters 5000' and 'in every pillow, there is a gold lining'.

To everyone that's said thanks for posting I've started getting the blogs straight to my email for convenience - I actually thought when I signed up it would just send a notification but you get the whole posting and you can click a link straight through to the comments page. It also means I never miss one if I go away for a few days (yeah I'm that sad).

I don't want to take over this thread from long-term posters so I'll let someone else put up the latest Tweets... There were one or two yesterday.

Good point Katie about the book plug. Could Mr Hodgkinson and PF be the same person... Unless it's a fact that he sent the person behind PF a copy of his book about Andy?

Good day Mr. Bates, Have you guys been watching Downton Abbey? I use it as a training video for staff.

Thank you to My friends at The Tennis Space for asking My people to see if I had time to write a preview for the End of the World Tour Finals in London. This year it is being held in Britain. I decided to miss Paris to do the relaxings and recharging of the batteries ready for it whilst enjoying watching the other players getting all tired in Francais.

However, I am very upset. The first thing that happened was that Djokovic went out in his first match. Seriously guys!? When does he ever do that!? Considering he won the first 8 games of the match, if I was a betting GOAT, which I am not by the way, I would have bet my homes on him winning that one. After the loss, he then did the nodding and winkings to Andy of the Murrays who then lost his match and to rub pink Himalayan salt into my wounds, Murray handed the baton to Won Martin Del Potro who did the same. As you can see, the conspiracies are arriving again.

At the End of The World Finals, they do the Rounded Robin. For those not familiar, this is when if you lose a match, you have another go until you win. This is very handy actually. I would like to see this introduced not just in the rounds, but also in the final here. And in other tournaments too. I tried to get this implemented in the Olympics final and more recently in Basel.

Sorry for the upsettings. Tennis would be a wonderful sport if it wasn’t for My opponents.

When in London I like to try My hand at the Cockney Rhyming Slangs. This is when you say one word not related to the word you want to say, make it rhyme with a dog and bone, yet end up saying a totally different word that did not rhyme to begin with. For example, the locals here call Me, “Me Old China”, even though I am not in China, nor am I Chinese. It’s a very technical language and one of the few we don’t speak in Switzerland.

I hope you enjoyed My preview, I look forward to have staff lift the trophy for Me in the final.

However, I am very upset. The first thing that happened was that Djokovic went out in his first match. Seriously guys!? When does he ever do that!? Considering he won the first 8 games of the match, if I was a betting GOAT, which I am not by the way, I would have bet my homes on him winning that one. After the loss, he then did the nodding and winkings to Andy of the Murrays who then lost his match and to rub pink Himalayan salt into my wounds, Murray handed the baton to Won Martin Del Potro who did the same. As you can see, the conspiracies are arriving again.