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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A lot of brides like to give their bakers a photo of their dream wedding cake, in the hopes that they might, in fact, get a cake that looks at least vaguely similar.

However, as you long-time readers know, this can be a lot like asking Francois the painting ferret* to whip you up a quick Mona Lisa. Some of the colors might be right, but in the end it's probably gonna be covered in fur and little poo nuggets. (The painting, that is, not the cake.) (We hope.)

For example:

Amanda C. asked for this, only in white and with a C:

And, in the baker's defense...

...that is most definitely a C.

Jei gave this picture to the head "chef" at a "luxury" beach "resort":

And she got...this:

I can't decide which is classier: the oozing cake or those water bottles.

Do you think the bride had to spring for those? [chortle]

Candice F. wanted this mushroom cake:

And her baker's interpretation?

Aw, those Alaska bakers: such fun guys.

Joanne and Elena wanted this stunner for their wedding:

And, to be fair, what they got did leave them stunned:

I would ask what happened to the flowers, but those squiggles have left me speechless.

And finally, Christie D. wanted her cake to look just like this, only with silver ribbon:

Pretty simple, right?

Well, here's an interesting factoid: did you know that "silver ribbon" can be translated as "duct tape"* in some bakeries? It's true. Here's proof:

I'm really really trying to understand why the 2nd wreck (orchid cake) looks wet & shiny and well "oozing" as it was termed. WTH?!?! What could that possibly be? It looks like they covered it in Fondant at some point, or is that melting buttercream? Either way...If I were the bride of any of these cakes we'd be on our way to court!

I am so glad that it worked out for me when I did this! My cake looked almost exactly like the picture. On the one hand, I think it's because it was a simple design, but that first one is a simple design, too!

A chef I once worked for said "maybe it really is rocket science". You wouldn't believe the things customers ask for on cakes...or maybe you would. This blog shows that there are way too many who overstate their abilities in cake decorating. Be careful what you ask for....

If bakeries did not require payment in advance for custom cakes, I believe there would be fewer people claiming to be experts at decorating wedding cakes. No one would pay for these if they saw them before handing over the check.

I have tried to bake a few cakes myself, so I understand that it can be difficult to get things exactly the way you want them the first time. However, after "35 years of experience" (probably in coal mining) I should *hope* the baker would know better than to use an inedible material such as duct tape. Also, if someone shows you a picture of something that is clearly above your level, SAY NO and make them happier. Or at least have some decency and submit it to Cakewrecks yourself.

I actually like some of the originals which is a surprise (I generally don't go for typical wedding cake - I think it looks too foofy)...and sad because seeing cakes I actually like get destroyed is sadder than seeing cakes I didn't care for in the first place get destroyed.

I was not bridezillish at all, but if I had shown up to my reception to find DUCT TAPE on my wedding cake, I would have lost it. It would have been the big ugly cry, or hysterical laughter or both. That poor girl!! It's good she can laugh about it now. But WOW!

I'm curious - what do people DO when faced with these awful cakes?! Put up and shut up? Throw a tantrum? Boy, when I look back on it I was SO lucky. My cake was done by a first time baker, and it was gorgeous. AND delicious - spice cake! Oh, and Anonymous - why NOT Joanna and Elena? Love is love.

Our wedding cake was a $35 sheet cake from a discount grocery store called Sack and Save. Not only was it beautiful, but it was the best tasting cake I have ever had. These bakers should be completely ashamed of themselves.

I feel so sorry for the brides, but...do these people not ask to see examples of the baker's previous work before ordering? There is no way I would have trusted my wedding cake to someone who couldn't prove ahead of time that they had the ability to do what I was asking!

Did these women not look at any of the cakes that the bakers had made before hiring them? I mean who just hires a bakery right out of the phonebook and then sends them a picture of a cake that they want their wedding cake to look like? The best part of getting married for me was when I got to pick out the cake I wanted. I ate like 9 pieces of cake!

Whether it is or isn't actual duct tape it's still an epic fail on that wreckorators wall o'shame.

Oh, and to the anonymous person who questioned with "Joanne and Elena?"... think about it. Then realize there are places that allow everyone in love to make a lifelong commitment to each other, which they can then commemorate with a wreckalicious cake. Nothing says undying love like a squiggled-on wedding cake!

Sometimes research makes no difference in the cake you're buying. Believe me, I speak the unfortunate truth. Just because a bakery apparently CAN do that level of work, it doesn't mean it WILL on your behalf, even when the customer is parting with hundreds (or thousands) of dollars in hard-earned money.

Though I've been reading Cakewrecks for a while, and have enjoyed the chuckles, I've never been inspired to comment. But I have to ask: when making icing, is it really difficult to mix up certain colors? The Joanne and Elena cake made my jaw drop with those creepy snake/ killer plant swirlies, but also why didn't the wreckerator use black instead of icky tan? Also the sick looking "lichen" on the mushroom cake?? Couldn't add a *little* more dark green to the mix?? Unless of course they are limited to the "tub 'o icing" colors on the shelf at Save n Rave Grocery... -Lindsey

stacie said... "I feel so sorry for the brides, but...do these people not ask to see examples of the baker's previous work before ordering?"

Most people only get married once. That means most brides have no previous experience in ordering a large, custom-made cake. Someone planning a wedding has a lot of other details to worry about, so naiively assuming that a baker can make a cake that the baker says he/she can make is pretty understandable.Unless, of course, you're a regular "Cake Wrecks" reader.

I just, just... omg the duct tape look. How horrifying IS that thing!? THANK YOU for telling me it wasn't real duct tape, because honestly I couldn't tell. It's hard to believe that these are cakes from professional bakers.

The Orchid one looks pretty close to me. Sometime I think the customer has a slight obligation to be realistic when they are not coming up with the timeframe or money that a custom cake really requires.

The Meiji Kinoko No Yama chocolate/cookie mushrooms are seriously addictive. My wife and I would only have complained about how FEW there are! They no doubt taste better than but are not as attractive as the original photo's fungi. Oh, that and the ferns seem to have been replaced by piping that looks more like severely battered kale.

#1b I can't imagine how it doesn't become obvious much earlier in the cycle that a cake like this is not going well. Or how the wreckerator, when confronted with the end result, doesn't simply say, "I wouldn't eat this myself, much less inflict it on a customer."

#2b At least this one put some effort into it. Er, why is it shiny?

#3b Those mushrooms look real. Disturbingly real. The wreckerator is the bride's rival, you say? I'm sure that's just a coincidence. BTW, how does this thing rate a fancy sign?

#4b Now let's be fair -- Miss Smith's jr. high home ec class didn't do that poorly on their first assignment...

#5b This one is a perfect duplicate. Except for looking like it was made by an industrial plasterer and not having any roses, I can't tell them apart. The shininess* of 2b is now explained; this one has the duct tape, and that one has the WD-40.

Never-been-married speaking here. From what I gather (having been to SEVERAL weddings), the bride ought to expect a handful of somethings to go wrong on her wedding day. You just kind of assume that the cake ain't gonna be one of them. Especially when you give the baker visual evidence of what you're kind of expecting? Sheesh!

So, wait. These cakes WERE decorated by a ferret, right? I'm confused.

Seriously though, I sometimes search Craigslist for cake decorators, to see my "competition." I can't believe the pictures people post to "promote" themselves as a decorator. I REALLY can't believe that there are people who will trust them to make their cake! Some people really just don't have it. Why can't they see it? Is it like a tone-deaf singer? Are these people seeing their cakes as beautiful masterpieces?

I'm getting scared now. I decided to decorate my own wedding cake. I've done a couple before but both were white fondant and I had loads of time and nothing else to do. This time it's butter cream and I'm getting quite nervous. I may not be a professional but my aim is to make something closer to a 'sunday sweet' than a weekday wreck. Never mind. If it turns out wrecky, at least I can submit it and hope for my 15 milliseconds of fame :-)

I cannot believe the mushroom cake had Chocorooms on it. I used those once when I made a yule log cake for Christmas, because I was too lazy to make the meringue mushrooms the recipe called for (and it actually turned out pretty cute!), but I did not charge real, actual money for that cake. It boggles my mind that anyone else that used those would. :P

Who knew how horribly wrong wedding cakes could go? I am so happy that my daughter's wedding cake looked pretty much as she hoped. I was married in the days when wedding cakes looked just like birthday cakes, only all white with stilts! Life was simpler then...

As for the melting cake... wasn't that a tropical resort? The water bottles look particularly tropical, and by tropical, I mean "lower-middle-income country that depends heavily on tourism for three months of the year when it isn't too hot or flooded".

I think overall, that was probably a decent cake, but then they had it sitting out too long.

Ohh those poor brides! When you see the cake for the first time the reaction should NOT be:"???? - BWWAAAAAA HAAAHAHA HAHAAAHAHA HA HAHA HAHAAAHA HAAHA HA HAHA HAAAHA HAHAHA HAAAHAHA HAH!" I just know it.

Are you SURE that's NOT duct tape?Maybe that's what they were going for? "Screw the cake, anyone can make that cake--WE'RE going to replicate DUCT TAPE."I thought the squiggles-sans-fleurs cake was bad, but that LAST one just takes the...nevermind.PS Please tell me more about Francois the ferret (excuse the lack of circonflexe, or, "squiggle"). --Blondie's Mom

D'nah, my brother and his wife had those done, the custom water bottle labels. But they didn't put them on the tables! It was as part of these welcome bags (with candy and nuts, schedule/directions to wedding sites, and guides to local attractions) when you checked into the hotel.

As for the weird shiny/melty cake - it looks, more than anything else, like they poured the glaze you'd use on a bundt cake over it when they were done making it. Which is weird and a shame, because it's otherwise correct aside from width (and that might be intentional based on number of guests to serve, and/or because it's a resort instead of a bakery with every pan size). At least it would taste ok though!

Seriously, how are the rest of these places still in business, let alone for decades, when they can't even make a cake evenly shaped and level, and cover it smoothly with fondant? The first one and the mushrooms would be sweet if they were made by your amateur friend, but not from a pro shop! And John: the "cake" sign goes on to tell you what each layer's flavors are - that's actually a reasonable move, but the elegant script only shows up the inelegant decoration!

But that last one... it'd look better if it really WAS blocks of foam covered in fabric and duct tape! Freaking out about that is NOT a bridezilla reaction, Shannon - the crazy bride is the one who WOULDN'T freak!

That being said, there's NOTHING wrong with a Publix wedding cake, and I'm not just saying that because I now work there!

My best friend once threatened me that if she stayed in NH to get married, I'd be the one saddled with the responsibility of bring the Publix cake with me! They've got GOOD CAKE! It might not be the fanciest, but it's gosh darn tasty (most of the time)

Mona! Darling! I know it is hot in that outfit but it hides all those little flaws! No, No, NO! Don't smile! I cannot paint teeth! Oh, you have no teeth??? Such a pitty! by the artist Le Ferret! On the other hand...hot,sticky weather equals nasty, melted cake! Yuck!

Tricia L said... "If bakeries did not require payment in advance for custom cakes, I believe there would be fewer people claiming to be experts at decorating wedding cakes. No one would pay for these if they saw them before handing over the check."

Yes, it should be more like half before and half when the job is done... correctly.

Another posibility with the second cake wreck is that the fondant covered cake was put in a refrigerator before service. When it was brought out condensation started to form on the cake, thus giving it the shiny look. When I made wedding cakes at pastry school we covered our cakes while they were a bit frozen still and they started "sweating" like they ran a marathon. There's hardly any fondant out there that can survive being put in the fridge. Whenever I cover a cake with fondant, it stays out.

So, the "35 years of experience" was totally a shot to mythbusters right? Dont tell me im becoming way too addict to them... But Cake wrecks and mythbusters would be a thing of beauty. And if i ever get married, i think i'll go with ice cream and cookies. Nothing bad coul happen,right??

I'll admit that while I do love me a good Cake Wreck, I also think that brides are often delusional. If you see a cake in a magazine spread, chances are that it would cost you a couple thousand dollars to recreate. You can't just ask some random bakery in your hometown to make it - and not for your amazing cake budget of $500. Most of the decorations on the original cakes (esp. the beautiful woodland one) would run in the hundreds. That being said, the baker should also fully disclose that they can recreate the cake for $X thousand and outsource, or that it's just not realistic from their bakery. Or they can make the base cake and then buy spectacular sugar things from one of the many gifted sugar artists on etsy. Since many do custom, as long as your brides fork over the moolah, there should be no reason for crunchy mushrooms and kale. (I do kind of like the duct tape looking fondant, but it really needs an LLBean boot cake topper!)

So to sum it up: yep, these are awful. But also - if you aren't spending thousands for your cake, it's not going to be magazine perfect. So just get something that tastes good.

Jen that's so cool that you got your cake at Publix! I've heard so much great things about them and their cakes and was going to get my wedding cake there before I moved away from Tampa :( Who knows, I may just have to come back down to FL for my wedding someday...maybe just for Publix alone...I do miss that grocery store *sigh*

Oh and for your ferret comment, I don't have a pun, but do have a Simpson's quote that could apply to the wreckerators: "Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals...except the weasels." ;)

Thank you so much for posting these. FINALLY- 5 years after the fact, I can stop being so mad about my own wedding cake- which instead of the ladybugs I had requested (and even purchased and given them a chocolate mold to use) had turned out to be little red snakes with black spots. Don't get me wrong- the rest of the cake looked fine, and even tasted good, but when I walked into the reception hall, my cake was covered in little red snakes!

The beach "resort" cake is just the worst! They didn't even remember the green ribbon for the top tier. Not that it really matters since no one wants to actually eat that thing anyway. How do these bakers look at these and say, "Meh. Looks good to me, serve it!"?? They're either blind or crazy...they have to be.

You gotta be able to ferret out a great pun! You just gotta! Jen?? John?? Number 1?! Come on guys, you can do it.

When my brother and sister-in-law got married in 1976, they were asked by the planner at the Inn in Massachusetts whether they wanted to have the traditional topper on their cake. They said yes. Imagine their surprise when they showed up at the reception to have a black cauldron like vessel with flowers on the cake. I guess the Inn thought that was "traditional". Hmm, maybe traditional in 1776.

the custom cake store I used to work for had contracts with several local hotels. when you booked your wedding they would offer a certain sized cake for $500 and we would make it. the brides were only allowed to choose their colors and basic design at that price as most of our wedding cakes started at $1200 (in the early '90s).

@Anon having their mother make a polka dot cake- it takes a lot of practice to make them all the same size, space them properly and keep them in a straight line. I HATED polka dot cakes. they are So Very Pretty, however. :D

The "duct tape" cake was actually my sister's wedding cake. The baker, who was supposed to meet us to put the flowers on the cake, ended up showing up early and leaving before we got there & was unavailable when we called. When we finally did get a hold of her I told her under no circumstances would she be paid the balance owed on the cake & that it was nothing less than awful. She said that the tiers were made to accommodate the number of guests at the wedding (I guess she didn't think it was important to mention that this would throw off the look of the cake??) and that the "closest icing color to silver was gray & that was all that could be done"---also something that was never mentioned before.

I then made a mad dash to the craft store and came back with a tub of buttercream icing and silver ribbon. I used a spreader dipped in warm water & the extra butter cream to smooth the icing and the silver ribbon to cover the awful thick Halloween gray icing (or "duct tape" LOL!) & then put roses everywhere to try to hide the unevenly stacked, same size "tiers". It actually turned out quite nice & we got a lot of compliments on it. Now it is something we all laugh about a year and a half later.

And for what it's worth, the baker was checked out, we still have no idea what happened! My sister actually remained very calm when we called to tell her, not a single tear shed. But she never got to see the cake in person before it was fixed.

I find today's entry both inappropriate and disturbing. It's Shatner's birthday and you post THIS nonsense??? This would have been a good post for any other day but no, you forsake the greatest...actOR... of our ... time!! for this.

Too stunned for words. I would not have paid for any of those cakes especially that oozing one and that last one. Not even a rose to cover the horror.. I cannot imagine what the brides thought when they saw those scary catastrophes.

I...I just don't know why anyone would accept a cake order for something they HAVE to know they can't provide...especially for the top one, though, if you can't do three tiers of circles with just dots, you probably do not need to be in the cake decorating industry. I'm just sayin'.

The really sad thing about the cake made by the resort is that the bride likely had no say in who would make it. Resorts rarely allow cakes to be brought in from elsewhere. They usually have very limited selections for flavors. Then they say "we're a resort, not a bakery." As to the question of how hot does it need to be to melt the cake/icing, not very, just a little humidity added to heat plus a cake that was likely in some sort of refrigeration before it was moved to the reception. That tends to make cakes sweat a bit.

WV:kookatin- the kookatin enormous number of cakes before choosing the duct taped one!

You know, every time I see these horrible wedding cakes, I always have to wonder why these people didn't investigate the bakery for ordering, or if they did and decided to cheap out and discovered what that gets you.

I spent around $600 on my wedding cake, and it turned out gorgeous, a perfect spin on the photo I provided, all the intricate detail there. So I don't think price is the issue here. It's easy and apparently VITAL to investigate and find reviews today. That said, my heart aches looking at these awful cakes. -Jenn C.

I suppose I could've used duct tape to piece together the cake I made once that fell apart in the Bundt pan, but that wouldn't be a very edible solution. Icing worked much better as cake glue for me. (because I LOVE icing)

Even if that's silver ribbon, I wouldn't want to eat it either way. How would you cut it? Would the pieces on the edge have silver ribbons stuck to them, and you'd have to pick it off first to eat the cake. I don't really like the idea of using non-edible decorations like that unless they can be easily taken off.

I don't read many comments so maybe this has been said before, but to play devil's advocate: The original cakes probably cost a lot of money, and if you're on a budget, you're most likely not going to get something that looks as beautiful as you want! So, why are people expecting masterpieces when they only have a Crayola budget?? And then complaining about what they get if they paid a Crayola price and didn't get the masterpiece they wanted?

/end rant. Love this site usually but I feel that weddings need perspective because there's too much media out there making everyone think that absolutely flawless, beautiful Martha Stewart cakes are the only thing that are acceptable.

Man, those are sad! The one with the squiggles-instead-of-swirls? Yeeps. And the one with the horribly-piped dots? And... oh, never mind - *I* could do better than any of these - and have, as a matter of fact, out of my home kitchen. I will admit that colors can be tricky - paste colors will deepen some as they dry, but you never know exactly how much.

Merry from Annie's Book Stop/Sharon, MA

wv: eckstr: Did they charge eckstr for leaving off the orchids and roses and for the bumply icing?

Not To judje but sometimes people end up wanting a little more bang for their "BUCK". As a professional baker ive seen it happen many times , people dont want to pay up for the "wow" factor , they go to amatuer artists who tell them they can "definately" do exactly what they want and this is the exact situation they find themselves in . After all what did u expect? a cake that originally cost maybe $700 to a $1000 plus and ure budget only required you to spend $200 .

I admit, those cakes look NOTHING like the picture presented. However, as an amatuer cake decorator, I have been sent pictures of cakes that would run $500 and have been asked if I could do the EXACT same thing for under $100!!! BTW, I LOVE you guys! You keep me on my amatuer cake decorator toes!

One of my cake decorating instructors said if someone shows you a picture of a cake and asks for one just like it, say no. You will never be able to duplicate it to their satisfaction. Or in these cases anyone's satisfaction.

May I say something in defense of actual professional pastry chefs? You would not believe the things I have been asked to recreate and "for 300 people, and my budget is $150." THIS is why people end up with such horrible wedding cakes. They want the cakes they see in Martha Stewart or Brides' magazines, but they don't want to pay for them. A really gorgeous, beautifully decorated cake will cost a minimum of $1000 for 300 people (and of course for that monehy you should always ask to see photographs, actual examples and tastings).

If your budget won't allow for this, suck it up and find a viable alternative. What used to piss me off were the people who were outraged that I wouldn't produce a spectacular cake for 50 cents a head (even though at least 3/4 of them could afford much much more). I would always then calmly direct them to the Ralphs (SoCal supermarket) or Costco bakeries for their wedding cakes. If you can only spend $150 for a wedding cake, expect a $150 cake.

If these were professional bakers delivering product they should all be shuttered post haste.

One must know when one is asked to work above ones pay grade. One must know when circumstance makes a product unsuitable and offer alternatives. One must always do ones best and if this is the best they could offer they have no business in cake or event work.

It seems more likely that a relative or friend was doing a favor to lower expenses and what failed to arrive was lower expectation.

I hope they were each tastier than they appear and made a better impression at first bite than first glance. Of course that presumes you wanted a bite after a glance.

i have alway had bad luck now im no where close to getting married as im only 12 but ive been dreaming of my wedding day since i was 5 now im scared to death that due to my bad luck when i get married my cake will be horrible-and if it is im blameing you-and sending you a picture :)

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