Clink-Clink to Your Weekend.

Remember the days when your only worry in life was whether or not to wear your princess dress or your shiny shoes? Remember the days when your sole aim of the day was to piss off your mum by hanging upside down on the monkey bars, full skirt over head, nipples out? I remember those days too. Alas, now you have to worry about boring things like responsibilities and nine-to-five jobs that tighten your anus/make you stressed. Bor-ring. Bawrang.

I am here to shush your fears and qualms and put them to bed whilst you let out your wild friend, otherwise known as your weekend-alter-ego. Be free! Your boss Stanley is no longer looking over your shoulder at your mediocre Friday afternoon attempts. Stanley has already let himself out of himself and is currently wearing the most fabulous velvet gown whilst painting his toenails Unicorn Silver. It’s true. Now… you go.

This weekend I am celebrating what some call the first cat off the wagon. Or the first lass to get hitched. Or a friend who has decided to permanently ring-ify her hand. I already have tears in my eyes. Confession: I am a crier. I don’t cry about much (that’s a lie), but if you ask me to give a speech about anyone or anything, I am bound to get so glassy-eyed every single person in the room is waiting for that tear to drop. Can’t do speeches. I also cannot do weddings. I could watch a 10 second ad for a wedding and have already reached for my third tissue before the ad for toilet disinfectant rolls through. I have to say though, I am very excited about this weddin’. I’ll be bawling, kisses will be had and champagne will be inhaled. All of the things. Love is in the air! Yip yip yip!

What are you up to this weekend? Are you still thinking about the embarrassing moment when Stanley finally realized that you were the one with his stapler all along, or are you about to dump that memory in the waste paper bin of deal with it later? What’s it gonna be?

Take it from me, Stanley has already forgotten about it.

Some links from my heart to your eye holes, and a tune to get you to shake that booty.