Beachy Waves

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What up, beaches? There’s recently been a spate, shall we say, of tutorials on Pinterest for how to get “beachy waves.” I’m not sure exactly what beachy waves are, because when I go to the beach, I get beachy weird, salty chunks of hair that make my expensive haircut look like I went to Fantastic Sam’s and then stood in the rain for an hour, after a seagull vomited on my head. But apparently beachy waves are not that. They are this:

And, according to the blogger, they only take 5 minutes to do, with a flat iron. Yes, you have to ignore that “flat iron” connotes that it is used to flatten your hair. Apparently this isn’t the only use for a flat iron. Here are the steps in pictorial form.

Pretty pictures but I still don't know what the fuck is happening.

I studied this blog post and several others and even watched a video or two, and then I attempted my own flat iron curls.

I’d like to start by saying that I am not a complete novice with a flat iron. I use one pretty regularly for its intended purpose, which is to straighten hair. But using it as a curling iron turned me into some kind of blithering hair idiot. I immediately burned myself and almost dropped the hot flat iron right down the back of my shirt, which, I’m sorry, would not have been funny, even for the sake of writing it up for Pintester. I don’t love you guys enough to suffer flat iron burns down my back.

Anyway, the gods of heated hair tools saved me, somehow, and I managed to recover and finish the rest of my head, even with a burned-to-hell thumb pad. I’ve been known to remark, “I burned the hell out of my finger, but damn, my hair looks good today,” so I wasn’t worried about the cost-value yet.

But then I finished and looked in the mirror. You remember those seagull vomit beachy waves I was talking about? Yeah.

<— Thinks your beachy waves look cute, actually. Although I think the point of beachy waves, "Let me spend an hour doing my hair so that I look like I didn't do anything to my hair but happen to be the kind of person who has great hair when I've done nothing," is a little ridiculous.

(But what about fashion isn't ridiculous? I am currently wearing a headband with a small hedgehog attached like a bow. And I look awesome. No lie.)

Whenever I get ‘beach’ hair which is only on an actual BEACH, it goes straight to dreadlocks within hours, no lie. So the whole ‘beach’ hair attempt is lost on me. I’m a middle age white woman with freckles and dreads are not appreciated at the office, bank, grocery store, etc. where I live . . . not on the beach.

I always make curls using my flat iron as I find them easier to control rather than using a curling iron. Make sure your flat iron is probably an inch (or less) wide with rounded ends. I LOVE YOUR BLOG.

Practice practice practice! I’m a hair stylist by day, crime fighter by night (I don’t have any superpowers but I can make people look FABULOUS!) and I had a rough time the first few times I tried curling my hair with my flat iron. Burned my fingers, burned a nice big hole in one of my favorite shirts, but I kept with it and now it’s the only way I’ll curl my hair. And that model probably spent hours getting her hair and makeup done for that photo shoot.

I have been using various tool to style my hair since I was 14 (I am 24) & when using any tools that use heat (rollers, flat iron, curling iton, and yes, even a blow dryer), I still seem to manage to burn something every time (face, arms, hands/fingers, head, my hair [only once…not pretty], my feet [apparently when God created me he thought it would be entertaining to give me butterfingers…I drop EVERYTHING–except an actual person…but i am only 24 so there is still time for that!], and i actually burned my TV remote once….the husband was not to happy about that one!). So I certainly feel your pain!
& btw….the curls get easier…but it is much easier on longer hair:)

“I’m not sure exactly what beachy waves are, because when I go to the beach, I get beachy weird, salty chunks of hair that make my expensive haircut look like I went to Fantastic Sam’s and then stood in the rain for an hour, after a seagull vomited on my head.”

Clearly I missed the point of this entire blog. I thought she was trying out things and taking it SERIOUSLY. All she’s doing is making sure she screws every thing up. I read on here for about an hour the first day and never came back (until I got a comment I had a reply). But please enlighten me panda. What IS the point?