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Friday, January 11, 2013

Surviving the Zombie War, Part 7

Now that the apocalypse has happened, it's only a matter of time until there are zombies. So it's best you prepare yourself. Don't want to end up like the twinkie, do you? Everyone thought they'd last forever too. Share these teachings on the internet (until the grid crashes), memorize them and spread the word verbally to as many people as will listen. Hopefully the illustrations will help to break the language barrier, but if not you may have to translate it wherever necessary. This will save lives, so it’s your duty to get the information to everyone you can.

What is the Zombie War? Actually, this term is a misnomer. The zombie outbreak will destroy any government or military infrastructure within a matter of days or weeks. After that the human race will be its own army and anyone left alive will be a soldier.

And the only way to win this war will be to stay alive.

PART SEVEN:

Useful Items

Weapons are helpful, but they may
not come in as handy as just having tools. You can’t depend too heavily on
technology. The phone lines will be down, the roads will be too damaged to
sustain vehicular traffic, the power will go out as soon as the monster gets
within two feet of the building and your flashlight batteries will die seconds
before you do.

Guns jam, but a hammer will never
fail you. Learn to recognize those items that give you the best possible
chances of staying alive.

Useful
items:

Guns & ammo

Knife

Lighter

Flashlights & chem lights

Basic first aid

Walkie-talkie, radio (police scanner) & batteries

Food and water

All of these items can be kept in
your home or car (reference State Law regarding the legality of where guns can
be kept), so they can be ready when the situation calls for them.

Knives are good for lots of
things.

Carry a pocket knife and a
hatchet. They’re both useful as weapons and as tools. In most situations a
large knife or machete will do everything a hatchet can do or more, so these
might make a better choice. They’re also lighter and easier to carry.

Flashlights are good for lots of
things.

Keep a decent LED light on you;
they’re bright and lightweight. Pocket pen lights are good. A heavy duty mag lite
might be good if you’re carrying a bag.

Don’t waste time on batteries.

Focus on replacing any flashlight
that isn’t working. If batteries become
available, replace any as needed, but don’t carry extra batteries. They’ll just
weigh you down. Keep some rechargeables in case you find a power source, but
otherwise make do with what you can find.

Chem lights might be useful for
emergencies, but I wouldn’t pack more than one or two and I wouldn’t use them
liberally. In movies they’re always throwing them down a hole to see how deep
it is; I wouldn’t call that a very practical use.

Fire is a good element to have at
your disposal.

In a lot of ways you’ll be better
off reverting to caveman practices. Overcoming a dependence on technology (even
mechanical devices like firearms) means mastering fire and how to harness it.
Learn how to create fire (this is another situation where Boy Scout training
comes in handy) and where that fails keep as many fire-making implements on
hand as you can.

This is like the hammer rule in
that there is elegance in simplicity. If you’ve got a flashlight that’s fine,
but fire will also make light. And fire kills things! Maybe if you had a mag lite
that could be a bludgeon, but you’re not going to kill a monster with a flashlight
(unless it’s a gremlin or something).

Stock up on disposable lighters
and matches instead. They’re easier to come by and easier to carry than
batteries and flashlights.

You don’t want to have to rely on
the night vision of your camcorder to make your way through the dark subway tunnels.
I’d much rather have fire there.

Maintain communication.

Forget anything that requires a
central node or a recharge station. Walkie-talkies work on common batteries (or
rechargeables), they’re lightweight with a limited range and communicate peer
to peer.

I know I just said to forget
batteries, but if you have to have them for anything, this would be the best
use for them. Use these sparingly to conserver power, but remember that batteries
die eventually whether you use them or not.

CB’s and ham radios might also
work, but be careful who’s listening. They have a longer range and might
attract marauders or representatives of the New World Order.

Rudimentary communication like
visual signals and forward planning are more useful because they rely on the resourcefulness
and organization of the individuals.

This is caveman thinking again:
Learn to communicate and coordinate as a unit without depending on technology.