Search This Blog

Domestic Abuse

What is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse is any type of controlling, bullying, threatening or violent behaviour between people in a relationship. But it isn’t just physical violence – domestic abuse includes emotional, physical, sexual, financial or psychological abuse.

It can happen in any relationship, and even after the relationship has ended. Both men and women can be abused or abusers.

If you are worried or feel threatened by your partner you do not have to suffer in silence and you should never think that it is your fault or that no one will listen to you.

Recognising domestic abuse

Although every situation is unique, there are common factors that link the experience of an abusive relationship. Acknowledging these factors is an important step in preventing and stopping the abuse. This list can help you to recognise if you, or someone you know, are in an abusive relationship.

Pressure tactics: sulking; threatening to withhold money, disconnecting the phone and internet, taking away or destroying your mobile, tablet or laptop, taking the car away, taking the children away; threatening to report you to the police, social services or the mental health team unless you comply with his demands; threatening or attempting self-harm and suicide; withholding or pressuring you to use drugs or other substances; lying to your friends and family about you; telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.

Disrespect: persistently putting you down in front of other people; not listening or responding when you talk; interrupting your telephone calls; taking money from your purse without asking; refusing to help with childcare or housework.

Breaking trust: lying to you; withholding information from you; being jealous; having other relationships; breaking promises and shared agreements.

Isolation: monitoring or blocking your phone calls, e-mails and social media accounts, telling you where you can and cannot go; preventing you from seeing friends and relatives; shutting you in the house.

Harassment: following you; checking up on you; not allowing you any privacy (for example, opening your mail, going through your laptop, tablet or mobile), repeatedly checking to see who has phoned you; embarrassing you in public; accompanying you everywhere you go.

Threats: making angry gestures; using physical size to intimidate; shouting you down; destroying your possessions; breaking things; punching walls; wielding a knife or a gun; threatening to kill or harm you and the children; threatening to kill or harm family pets; threats of suicide.

Sexual violence: using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts; having sex with you when you don’t want it; forcing you to look at pornographic material; constant pressure and harassment into having sex when you don’t want to, forcing you to have sex with other people; any degrading treatment related to your sexuality or to whether you are lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual.

Denial: saying the abuse doesn’t happen; saying you caused the abuse; saying you wind them up; saying they can’t control their anger; being publicly gentle and patient; crying and begging for forgiveness; saying it will never happen again.

Crisis Planning

Admitting to yourself and others that you are experiencing domestic abuse may seem very difficult but it is an important step towards getting protection for you. It is not your fault. You are not alone. You have the right to live free from fear.

Keeping a diary of events and incidents is helpful to both the police and you. A record of events can help if any action is taken against the abuser. Try to record an incident as soon as possible and include as much information as possible.

Making a crisis plan is way of feeling more in control, more positive and confident. Below is a plan of action which you can change to suit you.

Find somewhere you can quickly and easily use a phone (neighbour/relative/friend)

Make and always carry with you a list of numbers for an emergency. Include friends, relatives and local police

Try and save money for bus, train or taxi fares

Have an extra set of keys for your car, flat, house

Keep the keys, money and set of clothes for you packed ready in a bag that can quickly get and take. For safety it may be more appropriate to have this at a friend’s house to save keeping it in your premises

Getting help

There are many different organisations that can help such as

National Centre for Domestic Violence 0800 970 2070 or 0207 186 8270

Refuge 0808 2000 247

Police 999

Or you can pop into CYP Yellow Door and we will give you advice and support that you need. You can also give us a call on 01268 683431.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why volunteer People choose to volunteer
for many different reasons. For some it offers the chance to give back to the
community or make a difference to the people around them. For others it’s too
provide chances to develop new skills or build on existing experiences and
knowledge. Below are a few reasons
why people volunteer Make a difference to the
lives of othersHelp others less fortunate
or without a voiceFeel valued and part of a
teamBoost confidence and self-esteemGaining new skills,
knowledge and experienceRegardless of the
motivation people who volunteer find it challenging and rewarding. Why I volunteer I have been a volunteer
for Canvey yellow door for almost two years. I volunteer as it allows me to
build on my confidence and self-esteem which has grown since I started. It
allows me to use my experiences to help others and make them feel good about
themselves. The staff and volunteers at
yellow door are so friendly and helpful which makes you feel part of a team. I
have gai…

Many money worries can be overcome just by getting to grips
with your finances. Knowing what you have coming in and what is going out will
help you to understand where all your money is going. Remember knowledge is
power! Get organised and
take your time
Set aside at least an hour before you begin planning a
budget. Doing it in a rush is likely to mean you forget something or make mistakes. It's a good idea to gather together all the paperwork you’ll
need before getting started, so get together everything you have that relates to your income and outgoing, the list
below will be a guide: ·a few months’ worth of bank statements ·your recent credit card/store card bills ·copies of your household bills ·Details of overdrafts or loan ·Details of any borrowing from friends/relations
etc ·details of your savings ·information on any regular incomes you may have
such as payslips, benefit information Add up your income
Next, you need to calculate your income. Make a list of your
regular earnings…

Eating well
Having a healthy diet is important when you want to look after yourself not just physically but mentally. Your brain needs a mixture of nutrients to stay healthy and function well. Everyone should have three meals a day with two healthy snacks in between. Try to cut down on sugary foods and drinks.
A healthy diet should contain a mixture of these Lots of different types of fruit and vegetablesWholegrain cereals or breadsNuts and seedsDairy productsOily fishPlenty of waterExercise
To keep your mental health in good a healthy condition you should try and fit in at least thirty minutes of moderate exercise three times per week. This does sound like a lot but the key is moderate. Try activities such as walking places instead of getting public transport as well as cycling and swimming. Exercise helps with your self-esteem. It can also help make you concentrate, get better sleep and look and feel better. Having some quiet time
There are many ways which are easier and feel good at …