Britney Watch: No Knickers

We can learn a lot about crimes of fashion and how to avoid them by observing Britney at work. Brit, you see, is a seasoned fashion criminal: she’s done the crime(s), she’s done the time (marriage to K-Fed was punishment enough, we feel), and now she’s doing it all over again, this time with accomplice Paris Hilton – an occasional fashion criminal herself. Paris, though – Paris has cleaned up her act, lately. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that Paris has been looking good lately. In this picture, for instance, we can see her trying to stop Britney. Paris knows what’s about to happen. She knows Britney done forgot to wear underwear again. And she knows that Britney? What did we learn about fashion from this? Well, a lady should know how to get out of a car without flashing her ass for one. And if you’re going to be wearing a skirt as short as Britney’s? Don’t forget your underwear…

Britney Boob Watch: Las Vegas

Whoops, you did it again Brit, didn’t you?? You’re just not going to take a telling on this one, are you? The thing is, Britney, we’re only saying this to help you, and yes, we’re still pleased to see you all scrubbed up and out having fun (God knows you deserve it), but Brit? Put them away, please? Just for a little while? Also: Paris – a word, if we may. What’s going on with your legs, here, Paris? Do you have one black stocking on here? WHY, for the love of God, WHY?

Britney Watch: Rasta Hat

Well, you know, at least she looks happy. That’s the main thing, isn’t it?

Britney Watch: Short Skirt, Gaping Shirt

Because her crimes of fashion have been so numerous lately, we’ve decided to give Britney her own category here at The Fashion Police, so you can just click on the link in the categories list to view all her fashion crimes at once. Why would you want to? Hell knows… As heinous as this one is, it’s actually one of her lesser crimes. Kudos for keeping your crotch covered, here, Britney: OK, your boobs are trying to make a run for it by busting right out of this ill-fitting shirt, but still, credit where due. Why does your skirt looked like you cut it yourself, and just left the raggedy ends hanging, though? Did you cut your skirt yourself, Brit? In a bid to look even more… sexy… than you did before? Shame on you… P.S. Still lovin’ the hair, though. Good job!

Britney Watch: Crotch Watch 2

Are you tired of seeing Britney’s crotch yet? Well that’s too bad, because Britney’s not tired of showing it off yet. GOD. This picture makes me sad. I mean, that’s a pretty dress, great shoes – even her hair looks good. And then she has to go and spoil it all by flashing her knickers – or lack of knickers, as the case may be. Why, Britney, for the love of God, WHY?

Britney Watch: Thriller

See, I don’t even know what to say about this. On the one hand, she’s all covered up, and that’s a good thing. On the other hand, she’s wearing a picture of Michael Jackson (who, ok, is an innocent man, and I didn’t even say he’s not! Don’t sure me, Jacko!) on her chest, and that is a … well, let’s just call it a strange thing, m’kay? So, to recap: clothes = good, Michael Jackson = bad. Do you see what I did there?

Britney’s Mom’s Birthday Outfit

Watch Britney with us!
Well, what would you wear out to dinner for your mother’s birthday? Well, not this for sure. I mean, I couldn’t even stand the thought of the mis-matched undies alone, even if they were covered up. Brit’s aren’t covered up, and you know what? You really don’t need the Fashion Police to point out that this is just WRONG, so let’s just leave it there, shall we?

Britney Spears in Bikini n’ Boots

Well, don’t you normally wear your bikini with a pair of cowboy boots to the beach? And, like, an almost totally see-through dress, to sling on when you’re heading back to the hotel and you want to cover up your modesty, but also, not really? Britney sure does. What worries me the most about this outfit? Well, in comparison to some of her recent efforts (and ONLY in comparison to some of her recent efforts), it’s actually not that bad…

On Trial : Does Britney Look Better Bald?

Now, I know it’s probably a cry for help and all, but here’s the thing: I don’t actually think Britney’s bald ‘do’ looks too bad. It’s got to be better than the skanky, half-assed extensions she’s been wearing lately, and it’s way better than the “greasy pony tail on top of the head” look that she’s had for … oh, years now. And, you know, she’s got a pretty face, the hair was a mess – the baldness is growing on me here. So, what do you think? Drop us a comment, or vote in the poll on the sidebar…

Bald Britney Continued

Now, I know what you’re thinkin’ and you’re absolutely right: it’s not so much a crime of fashion as it’s a crime of, I don’t know, humanity, maybe, what’s happening to this poor girl right now. I mean, I can’t even bring myself to make fun of her any more because it’s TOO DAMN SAD. What’s happening here, Brit? Cry for help, much? First you check into rehab. For, like, an hour or something. Then you check back out of rehab. Then you shave your head. And get a tattoo. And everyone’s saying that you’re all “I totally don’t want to lose my precious baby boys!” and yet here you are again, this time in a cheap blonde wig, all in our faces and crying out for help.

It’s a shame, Britney. I don’t know if it’s post natal depression, or if you’ve just plain LOST YOUR MIND, but I think it’s time to get some help, Brit. For the love of God, please get some help….

Britney thanks fans for prayers, wears nothing but white gloves to do it

Britney Spears has posted a letter to her fans on her website, thanking them for their prayers during Brit’s recent downward spiral. God, I feel guilty now for not praying, did you pray for Britney?

It’s a nice gesture Britney, to be sure, and why yes, we are all “lights of the world”, thank you for noticing, but seriously, did ya really have to get naked to tell us about it? And what’s with the white gloves? Naked-but-for-a-pair-of-silk-gloves. No, it’s not your best look, to be sure, although it does beat a lot of the things you’ve been wearing recently… I still think you could do with some prayers, though. We will all pray that you manage to find a pair of un-ripped tights to wear very soon. Godspeed.