Up until a few years ago, I sort of hated taking elevators. I usually didn’t have the need to, so when I actually had to get on one, I would notice the movement of the elevator in a really overly-sensitive way. Once I started working at a hospital though, my body just got used to the idea of constantly getting on and off elevators with no trouble. I think I used to feel like I could feel my brain juices slosh around in my head when the elevator moved, but let’s get real here, I don’t have exceptionally sloshy brain liquids, so it probably was just ‘all in my head.’

Now I take elevators all the time, at work and at home. I am on elevators at least 6 times a day, and you know what I’ve noticed? I lot of people don’t know common elevator courtesy.

Take this situation from this morning. I hopped on the elevator down at work so I could go buy a birthday card for a co-worker. I get on and the elevator is empty. Now I must tell you that the elevator at work is really tempermental. There are only 8 floors, but it takes a ridiculously long time for the elevator to reach ANY floor. Plus? When it hits either the top or bottom floor the entire elevator resets and you have to hit the button another 40 effing times to get it to come to you again. I guess it’s because I’m working in a landmark building, and the elevator hasn’t been upgraded, oh….EVER?

Anyhow, I get on the elevator and get to the bottom floor to leave, when the door opens and this random dude pretty much POURS himself into the elevator, and pushes right past me to get in. Now, any normal, sane person would wait maybe to see if someone was getting OFF the elevator before they smash themselves into the elevator? No? That’s just me? Because this happens at least once a day to me. Someone is waiting on the other end and is just ITCHING to crash their way onto the elevator before I can even get off. And not only does this chump shove past me as I am trying to exit, he steps on my foot! And the worst part of this is that I am wearing white hosiery, so now I have this effing black FOOTPRINT on my foot. I get this little, “eh, sorry…” and I’m just thinking, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! THE ELEVATOR CAN’T GO ANYWHERE UNTIL I GET OFF ANYHOW!!! DID YOU HAVE TO STEP ALL OVER ME?! REALLY?!” Don’t even get my started. I just stand there, looking at my foot like, “Is this what the world is coming to? People are in such a rush that they are actually walking all over each other to get somewhere?” Well, pretty much. So now I’m at my desk with a footprint on my foot, and many expletives in my head.

If I were in the hood and he had scuffed my Puma, you don’t even want to KNOW what I would have done. What a diss.

As with most Sundays, I am sitting with the pugs, checking out all that the internet has to offer. A few minutes ago, I end up looking at a tank for sale on amazon, which, um, who are these people buying tanks on amazon???

Anyhow, if you’ll just take a moment to look at what ELSE these people are buying, I think you’ll be quite intrigued…