This will have to be quick as I am dashing out the door for the day, but here's what the Daily Reading Guide promises from today (the eighth book of the Aeneid, vol. 13):

Venus, mother of Æneas and wife of Vulcan, obtained from her husband, by seductive witchery, a marvelous shield whose surface reflected a thousand years of future events. Venus describes the wonders of the magic armor.

It's the seductive witchery that's the part you'll remember -- it's actually kind of better in the prim Dryden translation. It starts out like any sitcom: Venus needs something from her husband, so she's willing to sleep with him:

Basically she wants a shield for her son (Vulcan's stepson). We'll skip the details -- I doubt Vulcan was paying attention either, when it got to this:

She said; and straight her arms, of snowy hue, About her unresolving husband threw. Her soft embraces soon infuse desire; His bones and marrow sudden warmth inspire;And all the godhead [heh heh heh -- ed.] feels the wonted fire. Not half so swift the rattling thunder flies, Or forky lightnings flash along the skies. The goddess, proud of her successful wiles, And conscious of her form, in secret smiles.

The "secret smiles" would be to the camera, these days. Vulcan, of course, is down for whatever:

Trembling he spoke; and, eager of her charms,

He snatch’d the willing goddess to his arms;

Till in her lap infus’d, he lay possess’d

Of full desire, and sunk to pleasing rest.

I like "infused," because I haven't ever heard that used as a euphemism before. You do learn stuff from the classics!

Right, right. And the shield, of course, is amazing, because you'd think it'd have to be the size of of a Rockefeller Center mural to fit everything that's supposed to be on it. I don't even think our Pentagon could do that now in a million years of cost overruns. The other interesting thing to me is that Cleopatra -- the Egyptian who fought on the losing side -- gets the biggest description. It's like the Conn Smythe going to someone on the losing team.