Holiday gift guide for the anti-Apple fanboy

Everyone has that friend who is a total Apple hater. “Why is there a small ‘i’ in front of everything?” “Why pay so much more for pretty design?” “Android rawwwwks.” “Windows is the OS of the future!” They just can’t keep their angry opinions to themselves, but we have a few gift ideas that might make them calm down while flying their Android or Windows flag — at least until the iPhone grande is announced next year …

When something coins itself as “Not Made for iPhone,” you just know the makers have the back of all Apple haters out there. The dock is made specific for the Android-based Kindle Fire and will simultaneously charge the tablet as it blares music from two 3-inch full-range stereo speakers. You can also twist the tablet holder in landscape mode and watch a movie straight from the dock with a boost of sound. A Micro USB connector is included for those who wanna hook up their Android or Windows Phone to the device as well.

Apple may not have its own gaming system, but Microsoft does so fanboys better rep the heck out of its products … especially if it’s the limited edition Star Wars package. And really, what tech geek doesn’t love Star Wars? The 320GB hard drive comes dressed in R2D2’s infamous attire while the wireless controller resembles his good friend C3PO. The all-white Kinect exterior is also a beautiful touch along with the Kinect Star Wars game, so you can pretend to lightsaber slash those Apple gadgets to pieces.

Apple haters would never be caught dead using a typical white USB cable, so give them something to represent the Android-green hue they love with the Andru Android USB Travel Charger. The Micro USB plugs into a standard socket and extends for about 4 feet. It also has legs and a stand for when you aren’t using it, and Android’s eyes light up blue while charging and turn white during standby. You can even move the arms! Adorable, yet functional.

If you’re not going to endorse the iPad, you must go with one of its strongest competitors: The Google Nexus 7. You can also opt to give the less expensive, 16GB version for $200 – but it’s Christmas time and you should go all out for your Apple hater this season. We only have great things to say about the Nexus 7 (despite the lack of a rear camera); it’s honestly the best Android tablet you can get out there today. Amazing processor, beautiful UI, competitive pricing, wonderful screen. For just 300 bucks, it’s nearly enough to turn an Apple Fanboy against himself.

Screw those iPhone-specific headphones! Android lovers have our own too! The Klipsch S4A (II) is a refreshed version of the original S4A, which delivers quality sound, great noise cancellation, and compact design for those who are always on the go. External control buttons help you skip, pause, play a tune, and the set comes with extra ear tips to fit any ear size. The Klipsch S4A (II) comes in your option of black or white.

Look at those stupid iPhone users and their laughable purple lens haze and pretentious sapphire crystal camera construction. Ain’t gonna find that in my Samsung Galaxy Camera! The latest from Samsung, it runs entirely on Android Jelly Bean. Not only can it take amazing photographs, the Galaxy Camera is also able to run apps just like any smartphone can. You can sync the camera up to your Dropbox and any picture taken will be backed up automatically, so no more worrying about losing your photos if the device ever crashes. But it won’t. What do you think this is, an Apple?

There are a few soft toy choices if you want an Android mascot you can cuddle, but this is the squishiest of the bunch. The larger version of the two provides 15 inches of squeezable, fuzzy green robot, or you can opt for the smaller 7-inch squishable. It’s an ideal solution for Android lovers who need … actually, we’re not really sure who could need one of these.

Not all anti-Apple fanboys are Android lovers, so we have to give a little love to Windows with the HTC Windows Phone 8X, the latest smartphone to rock the brand new OS. Available in four fresh colors, the HTC 8X is outfitted with Beats Audio, a sick camera, and a rubberized back that will protect against most drops and scratches. If your gift recipient is due for an upgrade, you can score the 16GB HTC 8x for just $200. Otherwise, the smartphone will run you between $550 to $600, depending on whether you purchase it from T-Mobile, Verizon, or AT&T.

So totally against Apple that you can’t even stand the thought of using iTunes? That’s cool, there are a million other places from which to stream your favorite music. Go with Spotify and you’ll continue to rock that green Android trend while integrating a social feature to share with Facebook friends what you’re currently listening to. The Premium subscription affords the opportunity to stream songs straight from your Android or Windows Phone, and comes advertisement-free.

A real Android fanboy would rock this next Halloween … or maybe just next Saturday. According to the Amazon listing for this one-of-a-kind “comfortable and sanitary” suit, the costume is totally professional — don’t settle for amateur substitutes! The makers also suggest it would be good for children’s parties, but we think it’s ideal for the next Apple product announcement.

Bonus gift: A Window, Price varies

If you’re actually an Apple fanboy and reading this guide has gotten you up in arms, might we suggest getting one of these for the Microsoft fan in your life?