How to Move on After Trauma

—Josh Lawson
•
Dec 09, 2017

Eric is here again to talk about overcoming being a victim. It really sucks that this is a subject that needs to be addressed more frequently now. On the other hand, it is something that has existed for all of time. There are plenty of ways you can be a victim. Some soldiers came back from war missing a few limbs, and other people may have been picked last on the playground and that trauma has stuff with them. Today we want to talk about those differences and how you can overcome them both to keep on growing as an individual.

We've all been victims at some point in our lives. You can be a victim in about three different ways; a victim by other people imposing themselves against you, circumstances of chance (things like cancer, genetics, or things that are out of your control), and being a victim of yourself and your thoughts (which is usually the hardest one to overcome). All of these can prevent you from moving forward in your life and becoming the person you want to be.

When you realize you've become a victim, you enter "Victim Mode". This is a coping mechanism for us to handle all the stresses you are dealing with in the moments that follow. Victim Mode is only human. It allows you to have a short burst of defense so you can persevere after that. They key is keeping that Mode as close to that moment as possible instead of letting it linger on more than you need it for. The reason is because it is a very limiting type of mindset. It's something that is going to put ownership on other people rather than you, so you end up losing the control in your life. It's gonna lead to entitlement thinking. Since you believe you are the victim, you feel things need to be done to make you better. Once the control is out of your hands, you just perpetuate that victim feeling.

That will also leave you feeling selfless, worthless, or without meaning. It will leave you in a pretty negative mindset, drain your confidence, and make your ability to grow much harder. Victim Mode is a dangerous place to be in, but is very helpful during short term.

We want to talk most about how time is constantly changing. You are only a victim for a moment in the grand scheme of things. By staying in Victim Mode you remain as a victim through your entire life and that isn't healthy. What we want to do is make that period of time as short as possible, so you can have the rest of your life to become the best version of yourself. The reason we really like to focus on time is that the longer you let the event be a part of your life, the longer the individual who made you into a victim has power over you. We only have a set time left on this Earth, so make the rest of your time alive a set of years you'd be proud to live again.

Overcoming your Victim Mode is your forgiveness. Forgiveness is not, at all, for the person you are forgiving. It is more of coming to terms that the event has already happened, and we can't change the past. That moment is part of your life, but you use it to build yourself into a better person. By giving forgiveness, you are taking back the control in your life. The more we talk about time, the more you should focus on the present. In the now, nothing is happening. You're feeling good, you're safe, and we aren't gonna hurt you. You have something to learn from, and can use it so you don't have to experience it again.

When you feel yourself entering Victim Mode again, just think if you're a victim at that moment. Most times you wont be. Just remind yourself you are a strong person and you were able to make it through that event. You've survived that moment, and you should celebrate that! If you linger on it, then you're still giving it power over you. You have overcome it, and on your way to a better part of your life. You may run into problems where you feel you no longer have control. When that happens, just think how you got over this, and use what you've previously learned to overcome this strife as well.