I did get my Dachshund puppy, but unfortunately, Sammy passed away a couple weeks back. He was a very cute Dachshund (that was clearly mixed with something else with longer legs).

I usually would give the little guy a bone or chew toy while I took a shower, but on that fateful occasion, I forgot to give it to him and left it on the counter in the kitchen. I went to bed and Sammy cuddled with me. At some point during the night, he slipped out of my bedroom and went into the kitchen. He must have smelled the doggie bone I had left on the counter. I'm not entirely sure how he got the bone, since it should have been out of his reach. But he did. I woke up the next morning, but there were no puppy kisses. There was no Sammy as I went to the bathroom. This was really weird, since he knew he would get a walk minutes after I got up.

I went into the kitchen and found Sammy cold on the floor. I did the ABC's real quick and found he wasn't breathing and had no heartbeat. I started CPR. After a few compressions, I popped the knotted end of a doggie bone out of his throat. I kept going with breaths and compressions for minutes, but it was to no avail. My puppy had left this world. He had a freak accident and choked on his beloved bone. :(

I was pretty much wrecked for the day. I called Katie and cried the entire time. I called Josh and cried too. I cried on and off all day. I buried him on the hillside behind the house.

Please visit the below album if you would like to see pictures of the cute puppy that I had for a brief time.

He was a very cute little puppins. I loved taking him for walks, chasing him around the yard, wrestling in the front room, letting him lick me to death, giving him baths only to have him shake all the water onto me, letting him sleep on me, and giving him treats. He will not soon be forgotten. And he made me a happy dork and I loved the little guy for it.

I think I will hold off on getting another pet for now.

Post Office DramaI have to make trips to the post office every other day for eBay business. And in case you're wondering, my feedback is now up to 1891 (99.8% positive, should be 99.9% but apparently eBay sucks at math). Anyhow, there was a huge line and I only had 4 domestic packages, so I went to the automated postage machine. I thought this 35-ish year old blonde lady was kinda standing by the machine, so I asked her if she was using the machine.

She looked at me with bleary eyes and replied robotically "No, go ahead."

I thanked her and started using the machine. After I got postage for 2 of my 4 packages, the post office sent the bigwig out to talk to the blonde lady. She went to the window and started talking quietly. I had a feeling that this was going to be good, so I slowed down on getting postage and even screwed up on purpose to hang around for it. Here's as close to a transcript of what they said as I can remember:

"Hi. My name is ____ and I live at ____ Street, Meridian. I have a personal complaint to lodge against the post employee that delivers my mail. She has been very reliable and accurate with her deliveries in the few years that she has served our neighborhood. However, in the last few months, her service has slacked a little and I have noticed some unacceptable behavior," the blonde lady rambled.

"Well, she has been getting real friendly with my 6 year old son and my husband. Also, she won't deliver checks to me that are addressed to my husband. She holds them until she sees him. But today, I came home from work early and found the mail truck blocking the driveway with the engine running. I parked along the curb and went inside to find the mail lady naked on my kitchen table with my husband between her legs. To make it worse, my 6 year old son was watching."

"I apologize for the inappropriate behavior, ma'am, but your husband shares some responsibility-"

"I know that and I'm divorcing him. But my son said that the mail lady had been in the house for 20 minutes. So she left the mail truck running, blocking my driveway while she was screwing my husband for 20 minutes!" the blonde lady shouted.

Oh, I hated to laugh at the situation, but I really wanted to. I felt bad for finding humor in the end of a marriage, but I couldn't help meself. It just cracked me up. And just picture the awkwardness of the blonde lady walking in on the husband nailing the mail carrier on the kitchen table in front of their little kid. *Insert the awkward song.*

Movie Reviews

Hollow Man: Not Kevin Bacon at his finest, but he's invisible for most of the movie, so at least you don't have to look at his ugly mug. The plot was alright, nothing special. The special effects were probably pretty good for the time. I'd give it 2.5 stars out of 5.

Hollow Man 2: Wow, this is a movie that should never been made. Just a terrible plot. Just terrible. Special effects were OK, but really this movie should have stayed in the minds of the writers. It gets 0.5 stars out of 5.

From Hell: A weird movie. I found myself wishing the plot moved a little faster and a little more clearly. But I like Johnny Depp, so I wanted to see it. There's not much gore either. A depressing end too, let's just say that. 2.5 stars out of 5.

House of 1000 Corpses: I like Rob Zombie's music and I am told that The Devil's Rejects is pretty good. Let's just say that this must have been his practice or warm-up for The Devil's Rejects. The movie has potential, but he must have been smoking crack when he wrote and filmed it. That movie is pretty messed up and switches between normal film and acid-induced color film. Weird shit. 2 stars out of 5.

Halloween (the original from the 1970's): It's damn cheesy in places, the budget was definitely pretty low, and the scary moments surely weren't from grossness or blood. In fact, the movie had a good boob-to-blood ratio (lots of boob, not much blood). I gotta say though, there are some freaky moments left in this old movie. I jumped quite a few times. You gotta give credit where it's due: this movie revived the slasher genre that Psycho started. 4 stars out of 5

Superbad: Probably one of the best comedies I have seen in awhile. There is so much profanity and talk of vaginas. Just amazing. :) I know I am simple, but hey, at least I admit it. 4.5 stars out of 5.

Things That Make Me Irrationally AngryFlaky people: People that aren't on time or do what they say they will. Boo on you flaky folks. I try to be on-time or early for everything and I expect everyone else to do the same. I know it's not realistic, but hey, I'm anal. And this goes for phone calls (like people are supposed to call back and they "forget"), appointments, email contacts (like waiting to hear back about my job), and anything else where someone can flake the fuck out.

People that put the Daddy, Mommy, and kids stickers on their car: You've seen them. They are especially prevalent among the LSD folks. Oops, I meant LDS. Oh wait, no I didn't. I don't care how many kids you have, how many girls/boys there are, and I really fucking hate the ones that have the names under each kid. I've even seen ones with pets listed (dogs, cats, birds, fish). They just drive me nuts. And they piss me off even more when the list of kids goes on for half the length of the damn window. Note the number of kids on the van below. That's my neighbor in California.Seriously though, Mormons- stop reproducing. You have enough children to brainwash already. You don't need anymore to clog the public schools and overpopulate the Earth with.

Construction paper SNAFU: This one only came up because I had to use construction paper to make Saddam for Halloween. I dislike the inconvenience of having the same color paper spread throughout the pad. Why can't their group the black paper all together and the white paper all together? Why does the shit have to be scattered throughout the booklet? It annoys me to have to search for a second piece of grey paper when it should just be right behind the first sheet of grey paper. Hearing about the "poor" WGA: I don't give a fantastic flying fuck about the screen writers. Sorry. They've made their money. I don't know why I should care. So TV shows have no writers now? TS. I don't watch that much TV anyways.

Professors loading shit on for the break: Since first grade, I have always had teachers/ professors load homework on before the breaks (whether it be Thanksgiving or spring). I don't understand that concept. It's supposed to be a break from school, not a continuation that is self-taught. I'm supposed to be able to relax, but instead I am going to be listening to lectures, writing papers, and doing ghey shit for Casperson's class.

Mass media blowing shit out of proportion: I'm sure you all heard about MRSA- the newest super-duper bad bacteria bug that lives in schools. Well, it's not new. It's been around for years. I bet the incidence of infection is the same now as ever. The damn media just looks for something to grab onto and blow out of proportion for ratings. They don't care if they create a panic or create hell for medical care workers. The same thing happened with Avandia this summer. People would come into the pharmacy and tell us that they wouldn't take their Avandia anymore for their type 2 diabetes (type 2 is due to a shitty diet and fat-ness) because they didn't want to get a heart attack. Well, they're fat anyways. They probably will suffer one anyways. And the article that said Avandia is dangerous was not such a great article anyhow.

People that use religion as a reason for everything: I am not bashing religion here. I am just bashing the people that follow it blindly. Even if God, Heaven, and Hell exist, the Bible is a book of stories to teach morals; it's not literal. So people that say things like 9/11 happen because God has a plan for it are asinine and ignorant. No, 9/11 happened because Muslims hijacked planes and flew them into buildings. God had nothing to do with it. Maybe Allah did, but God didn't. I also hate when people say that suffering is part of God's plan. God does not envision a student shooting up his classmates (Santee, Columbine, VT, etc.) or gang wars. I'm sorry. Those are not in God's plan. So yeah, you people need to come up with a better reason for things to happen. It's called "people suck."

People whining in class about everything: We had an informational meeting concerning our P-4 rotations next year. The semi-tards in Pocatello (the less than wonderful half of the class) took it upon themselves to complain about everything in the meeting. Jesus H. Vishnu. Just get over it. It's your P-4 year, accept the fact that it may not be perfect. It may not be the ideal situation for you. Suck it up and move on. Everyone has to go through the P-4 year that same, so just get used to it.

Advertising for Christmas…the day after Halloween: This irks me. I love Thanksgiving because it's one of the few holidays without pretense. It's all about eating.Let me explain what I mean about pretenses:July 4th: We celebrate our country's birth by blowing up a small part of it. Huh?Easter: We hide eggs to celebrate religion….?New Year's: We get drunk and count down to a new year..? It's just another day, folks.MLK day: Seriously, I think MLK is a hero, but really, a holiday? What the fuck am I supposed to do on MLK day?

But back to Thanksgiving. Why do we skip it and go straight to Christmas? Christmas doesn't thrill me that much, especially since I'm older now and I don't usually get anything but money. I wish we could take holidays one at a time.

Typos and misspellings: They bug me irrationally. I can't help me. My anal brain makes me want to get out a red pen and cross out the error. I saw this sign on a construction site fence in California:

Leaf-blowers: Get a broom/rake, damnit. Halloween Let-DownDid anyone else pass out candy for Halloween? I did. I carved 4 pumpkins, got a great costume, and bought a shitload of candy. But thanks to the Mormon tradition of "trunk-or-treating," I had like 25 kids come to the door the entire night. Goddamnit. I used to trick-or-treat for hours with friends. We'd go from dusk until the lights went out at the houses. I think we used to have 100s of kids come to my house shouting "TRICK-OR-TREAT!" before running to the next house. But the kids nowadays have to suffer through "trunk-or-treating?" What kind of childhood is that? You are robbing your children of the experience of Halloween. So they get scared. So they meet weirdos. So they get chased around by people in masks. That's the fucking point. It's Halloween!People say that it's not safe for kids to go trick-or-treating anymore, but really, if you think about it, was it safe when you went? I don't really think it was entirely safe. People could have given me cyanide or razorblades. But I probably wouldn't have eaten the candy that looked like it was opened or had metal sticking out of it. But people had the same opportunity to fondle me then as people do now to the new breed of trick-or-treaters.

America- listen up. Let your children experience things. Let them fall down so they know how to pick themselves up. Let them do things. If you shelter them all their life, they turn into pussies. They have no experience of bad situations or what to do when things are A-OK. They can't function in society and then I have to pay for their welfare when they lose their job.

On a similar note, I saw a clip on the news that schools are banning tag. What the FUCK? I would have been so bored at recess. Schools are banning dodgeball because the fat, slow kids get singled out. Ummm…yeah, that's the point. The kids need to see that they're different and it's not OK. Fat is not OK. Kids are mean and brutally honest, but it's better to be honest than to sugar coat the rolls of fat.

I Should Be A Roomba SpokespersonI know they sound gay and unnecessary, but the Roomba made by iRobot is quite possibly the single greatest invention ever made. I was doubtful as to its suction power and ability to clean the house without knocking shit over or getting stuck, so I got one on eBay. I figured I could sell it back to some other naïve fucker on eBay if it didn't work.

I won't be selling it back on eBay.

It takes a few hours to charge. Then you just make sure that the room is free of debris (clothes, cords, papers, etc.) and set down in the middle of the room. Pressing the button starts its cleaning cycle. The little doobie cruises around the room, starting off in a circular pattern, then hugging the edges of the room or section once it runs into something. It eventually covers every square inch of the room several times.

Here are some pictures of the Roomba and the amount of shit it picked up in 1 room:Here are a couple links of video of my robotic vacuum running around:

So hopefully I have made a believer out of you. It also works on hardwood and tile, picking up dust and hair. The Roomba automatically adjusts its height to the surface, so you never have to worry about that. It also seems to refresh the carpet and make it look like new.