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Monday, 28 April 2014

After being sick for years, I finally faced up to what was wrong with me.

When the first thought came, I was relieved. I had finally determined what was going on in my body; I figured I could fix it. However, it didn’t end like this, it took a long time for me to be OK.

At one point, I wanted to stop but the thoughts kept coming: “You have this, you will always have it, but you can and will get past this.” There was so much going on; there was so much wrong in my body, it was unbelievable.

My treatment wouldn’t be one pill; rather, it would be my full-time job for years and years to come. So my new motto was this: Destroy everything that destroys you.

I thought I should adopt that 'simply' life I had been told about, I had to kill everything that was living in my body that wasn’t supposed to be there, everything that was making me miserable.

Although, I soon realized this was not the way to go. I hated my body. It wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do and it felt horrible; it felt horrible and everything that was happening inside of me was to blame.

I was angry with my body, which basically meant I was angry with myself. This is an awful starting point at which to begin to heal.

Instead of fighting, though, I felt I needed to find love — for myself and for my hopelessly ill body. I needed to live with this body; I needed to live.

I needed to learn how to hate everything that was destroying me on the inside and love everything else. If you persistently fight with yourself, you will always end up losing.

But how could I find love for something that made me so angry; for something that made me feel so hopeless and, from time to time, made me not want to live a day longer?

Visualization practices helped me to change my focus from being angry and viewing everything as sick, painful and hopeless, to seeing love and happiness. When I could finally let go of the anger and the daily fight with myself, the healing mentality kicked in.

Visualization helped me to see the future and to see myself happy, healthy and fit. I saw myself moving effortlessly, having fun and enjoying life.

From that moment onward, I started to take care of my body in a loving way. Before, I hated my body, I turley I didn’t want to be in that body.

When I let go of the anger and started to nurture my physical self like it was my most precious possession, something changed.

If you are angry at something, you have the desire to say nasty things to it, you want to hit it in the face, you want to throw something at it, and if possible, you want to throw it away. I felt all of these emotions towards my own self, but I needed to heal. I needed love, peace and quiet.

I went from wanting to destroy something inside me to actually destroying something outside me. My body deserved love, and therefore, all the bad factors around it had to go, including people who stressed me out and carried negativity, alcohol and certain foods.

This same notion holds true for people struggle with weight. If you are angry with your body, you are likely to not give your body the attention it needs. If you punish your “fat,” with horrible diet plans, you will likely end up even more frustrated.

However, if you love yourself and do what you need to improve your way of life and level of happiness, you will get there faster, easier, and without frustration or hate.

Destroy the things that are destroying you, but love yourself and your body. You have to live with yourself every day; you deserve someone who is kind to you and nurtures your very being. Be that person for yourself.

Monday, 14 April 2014

Vulnerability. Even the sight of this word written down can make our stomachs twist, brows sweat and heart rates skyrocket. We pride ourselves on “not even going there…” and think that by protecting ourselves from being vulnerable, we are doing ourselves a favor.

Because of social misunderstanding of vulnerability, we have been conditioned to think that if we are vulnerable, we are also weak and fragile.

Because of this understanding, we build walls up around our hearts, protecting ourselves from the big, bad world of vulnerability. We close ourselves to opportunities that cause pain and that are outside of our comfort zones; protecting ourselves and hardening our hearts.

This basic misunderstanding of vulnerability is keeping us from embracing life. When we pull away from situations that make us vulnerable, we are closing doors to possible growth and change.

There is no growth in comfort. The truest people and creators are ones who have not only chosen to be vulnerable, but also have used that vulnerability to achieve new goals.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”

Consider Mark Zuckerberg. He took a risk, dropped out of school and attempted to create a new form of communication that had not been landscaped before.

We often think of the payoff that his idea generated, but imagine the vulnerability he must have felt originally. It would have been easier and safer to wait on his idea and graduate first. Had he done this, it might have been too late.

The same thing goes for many people, including many of my own friends. Each is unique, but carries heavy degrees of uncertainty. Each one of these people embraced vulnerability and used it shoot themselves into a new experience.

In relationships, we give ourselves a pat on the back when we don’t allow vulnerability to creep in. And yes, I am indeed a lady that allows this to happen.But don’t let societal expectations fool you. The truest marker of how full of a life you are living is how often you allow yourself to be vulnerable to it.

If you have been vulnerable in a relationship, you are giving all of yourself to it and the other person. You are putting your heart on display, all for the possibility of love. I'm not saying shout everything from the roof top, but be vulnerable.

It may work out or it may not, but you can rest assured that because you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable, you are living without regret.

If you have lived in the world of vulnerability — in your career, relationship, life decisions — know that you are daring to do what others won’t. Your vulnerability is the aftermath of your strength of character, not a sign of weakness.

Saturday, 29 March 2014

No matter who you ask, every woman will tell you the same thing: She
wants a man who can make her laugh. It’s a universal fact for all those
who enjoy laughing – which, as far as I know, is everybody. Is that all a
woman is looking for? No. But her finding you funny increases your
chances with her to sky rocket.

Laughing is a universal language on its own. Some people speak the
same language and others don’t. The thing about humor is that having a
different sense of humor is basically a permanent thing.
When a guy can make a woman
laugh, she at least knows that they’re speaking the same language.
That’s always a great place to start. For me this is what I would refer to as 'the banter'.

Sense of humor reveals a lot about a person – more than you’d expect.

You get a glimpse into their thought processes, into the way their
minds work, and a slight glimpse into their pasts. Of course, a lot of
things can be unexpected and not deemed to be funny, but chances are,
they are deemed to be funny by someone. This is why some people have a
very light and almost childlike sense of humor, while others can have a
dark, even gruesome sense of humor.
The darker the sense of humor, the darker the person. Getting to know
a person’s sense of humor gives you a good read on his or her
character. Of course, reading that character isn’t always easy, as many
individuals do their best to hide their true natures. But that comes
with practice.

Nevertheless, if a woman finds a man funny, she believes they have a
similar sense of humor and therefore must have a bit in common. They are
more likely to have things they can relate on — similar experiences,
similar beliefs and ways of seeing the world. When a woman finds a man
funny, she feels closer to him because she senses that they can
understand each other in a way not everyone can.
On top of this, laughing makes you feel really good; It really does, I laughed so much at a date last night that at one stage my mascara ran. Laughing makes you feel alive and happy. Who doesn’t want
to feel that way as often as possible?

Making a woman laugh is literally making her happy. Have you ever
seen a sad laughing person? Only if he or she is wearing one of those
creepy clown costumes. Otherwise, it’s basically impossible. If she’s
laughing, she’s happy and having a good time. If she’s happy thanks to
you, then she’ll like you for it. It’s really not rocket science. If you
can’t make her laugh, then she’s probably not going to want to spend
time with you. What I would refer to as the 'too nice guy', which lets be clear is ' the boring guy'.

But if you can’t get constant smiles and giggles, you’re not doing it
right. When you can get a woman to anticipate the laughter, anticipate
the fun and enjoyment of interacting with you, you’ll see her face light
up the moment she sees you. When you get this, you’ve got her. If you
light up the same way she does because she makes you laugh and smile all
the time, then the two of you may very well be on your way to a life worth laughing about. But it all starts with laughter.

I love men. I love how they smell and the veins in their forearms. I love their deep voices and their neckties. I love how they protect their women and take care of their family. I love how they write love letters and walk you to your side of the car door.

I love how they wait for you on benches and listen to the details of your day. I love how they talk about women with respect and admiration. I love how they take pride in their appearance but more pride in their actions. I love how they drink but can hold their liquor. I love how they are strong and stable. Oh wait, I’m sorry, these men don’t exist anymore.

The men that exist have come to change to a different kind of man from that of our past generation.

They are no longer respectful of the women they chase and courteous to the women they don’t. They are no longer these strong, independent, responsible gentlemen we thought they’d be in their twenties. Everything from their style, to their pick-up lines has changed, and not for the better.

Of course, not all men are like this. There are exceptions to every case and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a few boys who I think will grow up to epitomize what men used to be.

However, like anything in this world, generalizations are formed when trends are set and the men today have been setting some pretty bad ones. No longer is it smoking cigars and drinking brandy, but now sponsor drinking 'cans'.

No longer is it clean sweaters and nice shoes, but t-shirts with the sleeves cut off and Air Jordans. No longer is it subtle compliments and passing glances, but whistling out of car windows and misleading gestures. No longer is it conversations about women with depth and real beauty, but tits and ass, always tits and ass.

Now, I know that Cary Grant, Marlon Brando and Frank Sinatra were figures created by Hollywood, but it’s about what they represented — which was style.

They epitomized the ideal man and the image he should portray. They may have been pigs and bastards in their own regard, but at least they did it with class. Men will always be men, and some men will always be pigs. However, the general notion that these men portrayed was that you should at least try not to act like one.

I’m not saying that women should be doted on and treated like things to be won, in fact a man like that would as I put it 'wreak my head', but I think we need to be bring some class back to men and the dating world in general.

I think men need to start acting like men and stop behaving like boys. They need to realize that we don’t want to be taking care of them, we want to be respected and enticed by them. We want the men the way they were back then, back when they had class and at least tried to be gentlemen. TRIED!

I know many things that women expect are just media-induced illusions, the way men expect women to have pillow fights in their underwear at sleepovers, sorry guys this just does not happen, but we can still dream. We can dream of a way that men used to be and hope!

Men used to hold your hand, now they just hold their hair with gel.

Men used to protect their women, now they protect their egos.

Men used to buy you a drink, now they get you drunk before going out.

Men used to talk like Cary Grant, now they don’t even text in full sentences.

Men used to take you dancing, now they just dance around the subject.

Men used to buy you flowers, now they’re just looking to deflower you. ( sorry I laughed when I wrote this one)

Men used to talk about women with class, now they only talk about girls with the biggest ass/tits.

Men used to write love letters, now they don’t even send emails.

Men used to date, now they only Tinder.

Men used to insist on picking up the bill, now they just want to shove a bill in a g-string. And no I am not a hooker.

Men used to watch movies, now they watch porn.

Men used to leave in the morning, now they leave when they’re done.

So ladies the bigger question is, are we the 'ladies' we also use to be?

Friday, 14 March 2014

If we’re lucky, we end the same number of relationships that we begin — minus one. (If we’re unlucky, the number breaks even.)

As a single 29-year-old in Dublin, my first-date count continues to climb steadily, as does the number of times I decide that I’m not exactly psyched to see someone again.

No matter how casual things were or how much you actually enjoyed his company (even if as a friend), it’s never fun to say no thanks to a second date.

I hope he takes the hint when I constantly have “early work meetings” or when my responses are hours delayed. But if he doesn’t, I have to get 'real'.

Fortunately, our generation has adopted a way to avoid having the painfully awkward “This isn’t going to work” conversation in person, on the phone or even over email: by simply not having it at all. Instead, we turn to the creative, effective, yet totally hopeless “slow fade.”

Here’s how it works: After a first (or second) date, allow the initial follow-up text — “Hey, want to grab drinks again this Thursday?” — to linger for hours or maybe even a day. ( During which I debate the following questions, 'Am I a bitch?' or 'Shit I should write back')

Then, respond with a short, elusive response like, “Sorry, crazy week at work!” If he asks about your weekend plans, say something vague about a birthday party and friends in town and so on, until you eventually let the text(s) or call(s) go completely unacknowledged and unanswered.

I’ve experienced various forms of the slow fade, as both giver and a receiver, in dating situations throughout the years and it seems like it is becoming the choice to many to get out of having to hang out.

Evidently, it has become the most socially acceptable way to say, “I’m just not that into you” — without actually saying it. ( See the movie for guidelines)

Here is what I truely think it’s downright rude to ignore someone. Gradual unresponsiveness does not let someone down “easily” or “nicely,” and having grown up in the South, proper manners are always in the back of my mind. ( No north-side haters here)

If the slow fade is most certainly wrong, what is right?

Although I know I shouldn’t ignore his follow-up text about dinner next week or watch his call go to voicemail while I’m sitting on the couch, I’m at a loss for another way to convey my lack of interest to go out again.

So, in the spirit of bringing some sort of decency to today’s dating scene, I offer six practical alternatives to the slow fade.

Also all can be enforced through, you guessed it a simply text message, because, let’s face it: having an in-person conversation to deny a second date is unrealistic. (Face-to-face breakups should be reserved for relationships that are two-month or longer.)

1. Be straightforward.
Tell him that you enjoyed meeting him but that you’re just not the right fit for each other.

PRO: Honesty is always the best policy…right?

CON: He can’t do much else but take it personally.

2. Blame it on vague personal issues.
“I just have a lot going on in my life right now,” and leave it at that.
PRO: He’ll be too freaked out to question it.

CON: He may think you have a serious problem, like a drug addiction or a criminal record. And, if he’s feeling especially vengeful, potential rumors could spread among mutual friends. Que the texts coming in bundles of 'Sarah, all ok?'

3. Say you just started seeing someone.
Explain that you’ve been dating someone casually, but things recently became more serious.

PRO: There’s really nothing he can say unless he wants to sound like a jerk or a pyshco or a fruit cake?

CON: If you’re in the same social circle, he may hear through the grapevine that you’re still flying solo and yes your know the 'lying bitch'.

4. Become dramatic, weird and crazy.
Talk about how you cry during Disney movies, eat only white foods, have to turn the lights on 22 times before leaving the house etc etc.

PRO: He’ll probably never text you again!

CON: Again, this could get around.

5. Use work as an excuse.
PRO: There’s no judgment and no alternative solution, unless he’s your boss, and girls you SHOULD NOT DATE YOUR BOSS.

CON: He may try again for next week or brunch on Sunday two weeks from now, and there has to be a limit to how many hours you could ever seriously be stuck at work.

6. Tell him you’re not looking for anything serious.
PRO: I guess he could believe you and leave it at that.

CONS: I mean, anyone with half a brain knows you’re simply saying, “I’m not into you.” You went on a date for Christ’s sake — you’re clearly not opposed to an eventual relationship. Or, he’ll say that he’s not looking for a relationship either, so why not keep hooking up for the hell of it? Try getting out of that one.

So, single ladies (and gentleman), I ask you: Would any of these options work better then ' I don't want to go on another date'. Plain, simple, straight forward truth?

Which would you prefer to tell someone, or to be told? Personally, I would prefer the simply ' You didnt have me at hello'!

Monday, 3 March 2014

Living in Dublin City can be incredibly stressful. The hectic workdays and nights chasing your dreams can grow tiring. Many people don’t make it, move back home with their parents and throw in the 'life' towel. Others achieve their dreams. Somewhere in between this spectrum, though, some people like to sit down after a hard day of work and enjoy a nice cold drink.

It has come to my knowledge in the past month, that people ask me a question on repeat, 'Why do you not drink?'. This is what lead me to write this artcile.

I’m a 29-year-old woman living in Dublin City chasing my pipe dream & achieving it and I have also never had a drop of alcohol in the last year and a half. I’ve never touched any kind of drug either before you ask.Before I go any further, let me answer the most common questions that people tend to have when I drop this information on them:

No, I am not in a world cult.

No, I am not sick.

No, I’m not a Mormon.

Now that we have that out of the way, let me explain why I don’t drink or do drugs. Simply, it just doesn’t interest me. I’ve weighed the pros and cons, and the pros FAR outweigh the cons. It’s healthier not to do it, it’s cheaper, I always remember where I leave stuff, I’ve never broken or lost a phone, I’ve never hooked up with a guy, who when I awoke, looked completely different than I thought, I can always drive, I’ve never puked in a public space, so on and so forth.

When it came to the pros of drinking, I had a hard time listing any. As far as I know, people don’t really like the taste, I on the other hand did. Hangovers seem like a nightmare, especially if you are working the next day. And oftentimes, you lose your ability to speak coherently. The only positive that anyone has told me about drinking or doing drugs is, “it’s fun!”

Point taken. You see, as someone who doesn’t drink or do drugs, I still have the 'fun' a lot. There is commonly held assumption that if you don’t drink or do drugs, you look down upon those who do. I don’t. This is just a choice that I’ve made for myself and what I think is best for me.

If you enjoy drinking or doing drugs, go for it! I’m not saying that I’m right about everything or that my way of life is better than any other, I just prefer to live this way. I acknowledge that drinking and doing drugs look like a lot of fun and the stories I’m told about going out drinking are usually hilarious. It’s just that I have chosen to change in my life. And yes those hilarious stories are my own old drinking ones.

This path I’ve chosen for myself though, presents a lot of challenges. It has affected my life in more areas than I thought it would. There are a lot of mixed feelings when it comes to someone who isn’t interested in drinking or doing drugs, and those feelings come from a lot of different places.

Dating.
A while ago, after one to many failed dates, one of my friends told me that a guy who he knew in the group was interested in me. He gave him my number and we proceeded to text for a while and eventually, decided to meet up.

After we met in a bar,I told him that I didn’t drink and suddenly, the tone of the night was set. It wasn’t about hanging out and getting to know each other anymore, it was about, “Why don’t you just DRINK?!” “Come on, just have one!” ”What would it take for you to have a drink?” For all the judgment people assume I put off, I felt pretty judged — and quite uncomfortable.

After that, I tried to arrange hanging out with dates at another location. This seemed like the straight forward thing to do- until I realized I was changing for someone, cue me saying 'If you don't like that fact I do not drink, well I aint giving up pubs, nightclubs to make anyone comfortable'.

Work.
Honestly, a good few of you who read my blog know I would as a Personal Assailant and also in Festivals and Events, most who work with me know I am loud,crazy and loads of fun. So in this case not drinking is the norm for me in work now, yes the crazy lady who works in events who doesn't drink, but sure I am always remembered!

Friends.
I have friends who go out drinking often — on any given night of the week, I always get an invite. Apparently, because I don't drink it does not bother anyone among my friends. Just because I don’t drink, doesn’t mean I don’t ever want to go out. So if there are good friends they will include you!

I like going out and being around friends, whether they are drinking or not. If I like their company, odds are, I want to be around them. Inevitably, there will be the joke to the effect of, “I’ll have a beer and she’ll have a beer and this girl, right here, will have a WATER!” It’s hilarious. After that, however, I do have the ability to function and speak with people who are drinking. Yes, I enjoy hearing the same story on repeat :)

Abstaining from alcohol and drugs has been one of the decisions I’ve made for myself. Still, I can’t help but imagine what my life would be like if I had just jumped on the bandwagon again. I can’t help but wonder if I’d be happier or if I’d have more friends — heck, maybe I would have less mates.

All in all, what I do know is I am happy, and each time I am out with friends.... Im 100% me!