When I know I’m going to die

by Abilash Praveen

31 Jan 2017

Death

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

Norman Cousins - American political journalist, author, professor, and world peace advocate

No one escapes death. No one really wants to think about dying either. We all think we have time. Or maybe we all want to believe that we have time. I’d like you to watch this video before reading further.

Life is fun

I don’t think there might be someone who would hate fun. Life is fun. The best way to live is to enjoy having fun all your life. While this is true, I was wondering if I could still have fun if I knew when I was going to die.

Call me pessimistic but I wanted to pretend I knew I was going to die, say in a few days. I wanted to, for a while, believe that I was going to die in a few days. I then wanted to see how that very thought changed my life.

And this is what happened when I did that…

Priorities

As soon as I am consciously filled with the thought that I am going to die, the very first thing happens is a subconscious trigger to alter my priorities. Whatever I have been doing till now doesn’t make any sense to me any more. Entrepreneurship? Leadership? Family? Friends? Spiritual faith? Nothing seems to make any sense.

I start to feel an urge to find one thing that should be my first priority. What could that be? Random thoughts (not in the order of priority)..

Discuss with my family on the survival after me?

Set things right at work?

Spend time with people and help them with all I can?

Reconcile with God to prepare for eternity?

Fix broken relationships?

Look for acceptance?

Find sympathy?

or.. stop wasting time by running through all these questions?

Generosity

I feel like I’m more generous than I’ve ever been. I can now accept many things in my life which I never wanted to happen. I would welcome people into my who I always hated. I can forgive people for their mistakes against me, known or unknown. I can give away all the money I have to those who are in need. I can finally shutdown my computers and say good bye to work and spend time people.

Pain

With all the other goodness, I also feel the pain. The pain of not going to see everything and everyone I’m seeing now. The pain of knowing the truth that nothing is going to last longer, even if those that I wished happened, happens now. The pain of the fact that I have no time to explain to those I wished I could. The pain of the being unable to help stop dying to leave the family alone.

Getting back to life

Ok, I think I should now get out of this belief and get back to life. Ah, what a strange experience. A few minutes of knowing I’m going to die has strong lesson for me. I think it would have gone never ending if I did not forcefully stop thinking about it and get back from the imagination.

I think if I knew I’m going to die, I could do nothing about it anyway. Even though I wished that never happens, when I know I could do nothing about it, what’s the point being worried? I think if that ever happens to me, I would just do what I would do if I didn’t know about my death. I would work normally, I would connect with my family and friends as if I had more time. I would not seek sympathy. I would not tell anyone the secret that I knew I was going to die 🙂

If I knew I was going to die...

I really have no idea why I’m writing this post. I also had no clue as to what topic should this come under and hence posted this on the uncategorized tag. But honestly, if this really comes true and I die in a few days…

People come and go in our lives. If I died, it’s just that I was unfortunate to die early. My visions die with me. My dreams die with me. My love die with me. My generosity die with me. My hopes die with me. I have not made a history for people to remember me. I have not made enough impact in the lives of other people that it would stay longer.

All I want is, my dear friends, for you to just keep going in your lives. Just because someone with great dreams and hopes could not live longer, doesn’t mean that you should not dream or hope for greater things. Mourn for me. Forget me. I would only wish there was someone who could relay my dreams and take it to the destination!

Have something say?

I’m unable to figure out what kind of responses I might get for this post. I’m open to any feedback and if there is something I could correct in myself, I would be very glad if you let me know! Please let your comments below.

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Abilash Praveen

I have over a decade of experience in technology and business. It is my passion for the development of the rural and the underprivileged in the society that has driven me towards contributing the wealth of my professional and personal experiences for the welfare of the society.