5/29/13

I’ve finally gotten to the stage of life where people have
stopped asking me, “When are you going to have kids?” This is because I’m now
old enough that the idea seems unlikely (barring a Chaplinesque desire for
younger and younger wives, who can someday change both the children’s diapers
and my own). But it’s also because those who know me fairly well are relieved
that I have no impressionable young minds under my jurisdiction. My children
would undoubtedly be mouthy little schoolyard terrorists, suffering from both
delusions of grandeur and crippling neuroses. I would see to it. They would be
the first to tell the other kids that Santa Claus isn’t real and the last
chosen for team sports or student council. They would make me very proud.

5/18/13

I hear what you're saying: "Sure, that Internal Combustion book is a literary masterpiece. But what about the illiterates among my friends and family? How will they enjoy the heartfelt humor and self-righteous wit of this amazing work? Should I just forget about them and let them keep on watching Season One of Mannix?"

Heavens no! Mannix is butt-awful! As always, I'm here to help. Now there's Internal Combustion: the Audiobook! Three compact discs for one low price, featuring impassioned readings from The Book straight from my very own gargling larynx. Not only unabridged, but with additional blather! Plus an attractive booklet containing all the illustrations from the original book!

Is that not enough for you? Well, it wasn't enough for me, either. That's why, in addition to writing, illustrating, and recording these readings from the book myself, I also created original music for the audiobook production. I'm like Orson Welles and Yanni put together!

Click below for sample snippets of audio. And note just how easy this miracle product is to order! Want to forego that pesky, 20th Century plastic artifact? Then choose the digital download option for half the price!

Who's Responsible for This?!

is an illustrator and opinionated crank living in the bygone century known as South Carolina. His wide variety of neurotic quirks and extreme sensitivity to broad social trends are chronicled as The Symptoms, a continuing blog of sophisticated tantrums. Ashley's work has appeared in many defunct publications and hard-to-sell books. He is considered a complete failure by those envious of his genius. He has a website for some reason: www.ashleyholt.com