Every so often I see a call for submissions that forces me out of my usual routine in an effort to get something else written. When I saw the call for the second edition of Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness, I knew I had to submit an essay for consideration (even though it meant I had to wake up at 4am to write without distraction).

My son was not a good sleeper, in fact, he rarely slept. By the time he was 8 months old I was up with him an average of 3 times a night, after my husband and myself had exhausted ourselves by cajoling him to sleep. Daytime was difficult, as D only napped in 20 minute clips, 30 minutes if I was lucky. I was beyond exhausted, crying often, my mind in a constant fog. I tried to read books about sleep, but in my overtired state the books seemed as though they were written in a foreign language and when I could actually make some sense of them, they often offered contradictory advice.

When I wrote this popular piece, 10 Signs My Baby’s Not Sleeping Through the Night (so don’t ask!), I was making a stab at humor, but the reality was that many of these were scarily true for me. Thank goodness for Facebook, as I was contacted by a Pediatric Sleep Consultant after posting a cry for help on my blog page. After a quick phone call with the sleep consultant (Jennifer from Gift of Sleep Consulting), I talked things over with my husband. Money was incredibly tight for us but I was desperate. We decided to hire Jennifer and the rest is history!

I still maintain that hiring a sleep consultant was the best investment we made in our son’s first year; you can check out our experience in this one year check-in piece, A Year of Sleep, Thanks to Sleep Training. While sleep training can be a controversial subject, I’ll be the first to say that the people being sleep trained were my husband and myself, moreso than our son. D began napping during the day and sleeping through the night at around 9 months, and I began to regain clarity (and my sanity).

So, yes, when I saw the call for submissions for Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness, I knew that I had to write something. I’m happy to say that my essay, The Long Road, was accepted for inclusion in this wonderfully funny and sweet anthology by mothers, for mothers. I just finished the book last night and I loved every moment of it; I actually forsook sleep two nights in a row to stay up reading these delightful stories by a bevy of talented writers. The best thing about Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness is that it is perfect for sleep deprived parents! You can easily pick MMCD, read a story or two and then put it down to be picked up again when you have the time (or the mental clarity) to read.

The second edition of Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness is now available for purchase! Give yourself the gift of laughter and camaraderie by purchasing your copy today! If you purchase the book through my Amazon linkHERE, I’ll actually receive a few cents from each purchase (because I’m not exactly ‘raking it in’ by having my essay published). I hope you’ll purchase a copy for yourself AND for all of your mom friends. Let me know what you think, and thank you for your support!

As any parent can attest, the toddler years can be some of the most trying times and also yield some of the sweetest moments in your child’s life. There are days when I text my husband at work, asking what time he thinks he’ll be home because my patience is on the verge of breaking. Most days, I’m like a broken record, repeating “No” a bazillion times, and contemplating trademarking “please don’t touch that/climb on that/jump on the couch,” as those frequently uttered phrases are now my personal anthem. But for every trying moment, there are more than enough sweet moments, serving to calm my frazzled nerves. A spontaneous neck-hug, a moist kiss on the cheek, and the completely random “I love you, mommy”s are enough to brush away any mounting toddler frustrations I may have. Then, there are those gems, those random phrases spoken during language acquisition that have you scratching your head, biting your lip to keep from laughing, or so funny that laughter erupts from the depths of your belly. Those ‘gems’ I’m referring to, my friends, are toddlerisms.

We’ve all had those days when we fall into bed exhausted after teaching, corralling, making difficult decisions, and nurturing our little ones. Then there are those moments where you have to make split-second parenting calls; you know, when your little one says something inappropriate out in public, especially when it’s directed towards someone. I had one of those public moments last week, when my gregarious son, after having been cooped-up in the house with a cold, decided to chat up every stranger we passed in the store. Declan’s a pretty charismatic kid, so people typically engage with him, whether he initiates it or not, but on this occasion, we happened to be next to a woman in the grocery store aisle who seemingly just wanted to shop in peace. After several “hellos”, Declan vocalized his inability to understand the lack of acknowledgement from the woman, turning to me and repeatedly saying “mommy, that little lady isn’t saying hi” and “why won’t that little lady say hi?” Every adult, for reasons only know to Declan, is a “little man” or a “little lady”, and other children are referred to as “little boys” and “little girls” (much to other, older children’s dismay).

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned as a parent is that parenting is not about me or my husband, it is, and always will be about our child. From the earliest days, our lives were dictated by our infant’s most basic needs: breastfeeding on-demand, dry diapers, warm clothes. Those early choices had nothing to do with our wants and needs as parents, they had everything to do with what our son needed (and continues to need).

A recent Yahoo! Parenting article made me take a moment to think about the ways in which we discipline our son. We’ve all been there at some point: massive meltdowns, stubbornness, insolence, and lots of no, no, NOs. If you’re lucky, you’ll even get a full-out tantrum, replete with histrionics, dramatic falls to the floor, and lots of flailing arms and legs. Welcome to toddlerhood, my friends.

True story. This is my life with a toddler. I’m in my office, Declan’s watching PBS, things are quiet. Too quiet, to be exact. I peek my head out and I see D sitting on the off-white couch with a huge chocolate smear around his mouth. My heart drops and I start running, not because of the upholstery, but because he could get sick from all of the sugar. My panicked reaction causes him to flail all over the place, smearing the chocolate ALL OVER the off-white upholstery of the couch. Did this really just happen? I’m on the verge of tears, trying to figure out what to do first – grab what’s left of the caramels (they were wonderfully tasty sea salted caramels), grab the kid, or start attacking the stains on the couch? To be honest, I don’t even recall what I did first because it’s all a blur. I’ve not even finished my token cup of coffee of the day. *sigh*

I’ve done my first round of dish soap and warm water, and sit here with my fingers crossed, waiting for the dampness to dry. I know the world is extremely fascinating, and love that Declan loves exploring it [non-stop], but why, oh why, does my toddler have to touch EVERY. SINGLE. THING?

There are (many) times when I just don’t feel like cooking dinner, and a turkey sandwich will suffice, but D still needs a healthy meal. This spinach pesto has become one of my quick go-to meals for those ‘sandwich nights’:

1 1/2 C. Organic frozen spinach(of course you can use fresh, I just keep frozen on-hand)1/4 C. Parmesan cheese1 Tbsp. Butter or Olive oilCooked whole wheat pasta of choice (preferably finger-friendly).Cook spinach according to directions. When done, drain in colander and transfer to food processor. Add parmesan and butter/olive oil and puree mixture. Toss with pasta and top with some fresh parmesan.

The best part about this recipe is that Declan absolutely loves it (when he likes a certain food, he tends to be extremely messy eating it!), and it’s really quick and easy for me to whip-up. Do you have any go-to baby/toddler recipes? Please share your recipes in the comments:

…is insanely hectic! When I first found out that I was having a boy, a friend of mine gave me this bit of advice: “Get a good pair of running shoes!” Until recently, I hadn’t needed to heed such advice, but these days, I typically fall into bed exhausted. It’s as though we have a whirling-dervish going through the house, taking down everything in his path like a tornado. As evidenced recently:

This photo was absolutely not staged, I merely took a picture to record the aftermath. You can clearly see the path D took, pulling anything and everything from shelves and nooks & crannies.

It’s acts like these that have earned Declan the nickname Dr. Destructo or Mr. Antsy-Pants. D has been a very active baby since he was even in-utero. He sat breech, facing my spine, while in utero, and would often lean way back, so far so that one could clearly see his head (it freaked my husband out). Sadly, this strength and independence means my little guy has never been a cuddler (thank goodness for our breastfeeding relationship). An hour after he was born, he pushed off and away from a nurse as she was holding him – insane strength! He started rolling at two weeks old, and liked to stand, holding onto my or my husband’s hands, at 3 months old. All of this is to say that this kid has been physical, and a ball of energy in constant motion, from the get-go – he never stops!

I can’t even imagine what it’s going to be like once D stops furniture walking and starts walking on his own! My life will never be the same…

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Lauren B. Stevens is a former publishing rep-turned-writer, whose work can be found on ChildVantage, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy and Care.com, among many other websites. When she's not chasing her precocious preschooler, Lauren pens hilarious and heartwarming stories about her life as a mother, ghostwrites blogs for businesses, and sometimes even finds the time to write a bit of creative non-fiction.
Look for Lauren's published essays in the books listed below: