Blog RSS:

Month: June 2005

Amazed at the view. Chinaski haunting me. Running from Chinaski. Wish I couldn’t run (from the) drunken-ness. It would seem (like) a great way to rid myself of this pain. Ain’t that what alcohol is for? The numbing. Been numb for too long. But the pain is caused by the drunken-ness. Not of body or drink but of mind. Allowing my mind to gulp all that I say. Believe all that I say. Drunk on it now. Gulp. Gulp. How to sufficely or appropriate enough to the thirst-hunger. Maybe then I could get my shit together and my body could once again feel like a body instead of a broken-down or breaking-down vassal. Should I mention waking this morning with an obnoxious pain on the inside bicep of my left arm? Is this an indication, an impending heart attack. What about reddened and swelling earlobes? Will the disease (of me) finally get me?

They come and go, these writers. They’re everywhere. They’re especially in every Starbucks in SF. (Like in LA (so long ago?).) Where the swining doors seem more like coffee cup pushers. There is so much variety in the American city. Blacks, whites, Mexicans, Asians–and then the fat, the thin. Ugly and smug. Happy? What there is not is anything singular–quite the contrast to Germany and the lack of pretensions here makes it that much more exciting, compared to DC, although the occasional male outburst on the streets is very everywhere.

When will you know what to say?

Two German chicks sit in front of me. I can#t get them (anywhere) away from me. (What kind of sentence is that?) And they ramble on about the things women talk about.

Shroeder’s – German beer hall restaurant near hotel off Market Street. Finance district SF? Drnking a beer, the wheat beer from Germany?, tasted bland, I switched to Anchor Steam. When in Rome…

Getting drunk on beer and small-talkin’–can’t help listening to two yuppies talk about making money. (The sucess(ful) (of) fools.)

What was the dialog between god and Lucipher? When Lucipher fell, he must have accepted his fate at some point–some moment. It is when Lucipher became “the man”. The man of all men. What were the trials and tribulations of Lucipher at the moment of his becoming (im)mortal? That is what happened, or? And he became so… successful. And there’s the key. His success. How? His first and greatest achievement? He turned love into a commodity.

Speaking mind from some side street off of Geary Street, SF. Breakfast at Lou’s Diner. Drive-in made to look like it was out of a movie. Movie no one ever saw. But it has all the makings like the rest of US. To be more than it is. Ordered a big breakfast to cur4b the knot in my throat. The coffee wasn’t enough and now I have to have more. Spending money that isn’t mine. And my sweet Suzi is so giving. Spoke last night about life and nothing.

Full Stop.

Eating sausage and bacon. Tasting my American air with it. How perfect. So far from me. How did I get this far away? Growing up on the stuff and other nonsense. Twenty years later they make it ready to serve as though someone peaked into or onto the counter on which I ate. I loved dipping the sausage and bacon into the pancake syrup. Now (they) actually have the gaul to manufacture and package the stuff with real syrup (flavor) already included. It’s all so ridiculous. I live in ridicule. Of myself for the choices I’ve made. It’s everywhere and so dominant. Perpetuate. That’s the new buzzword.

I don’t know if this feeling is jetlag or chronic disgust. As though my body is finally starting to leave and the long process to death is just like this. What would Bukowski do? Kick his girlfriend? He’d have a drink or hit of his mescaline. Which is more important? I need to go somewhere–where I can find myself and finally become one with this (inner) poverty (I’ve made for myself). Suzi, my little savior, will not understand. But she is my Tennesse Williams’ “Stranger” that I so rely on. She is too sweet, maybe, to be Blanche, and certainly deserving of better. Have I led her to the wrong place?

Ask crazy man, what are the events or actions that will prevent the collapse of civilization? Let’s see the list, shall we?

severe cutbacks of human population

the cessation or retardation of technological and economic growth (on purpose, dontcha know).

the elimination of meat in the human diet (seriously?)

strict control of future human reproduction

a total (complete) commitment to preserving the environment

colonial-isation (?) of space

a paradigm shift in the evolutionary consciousness of men

Look up: MK-NAOMI, a CIA project about AIDS. Cooper writes that Dr. Timothy Leary worked for CIA introducing drugs to American youth culture.

Once again you will not find a place so perfectly dominated and run by idiots. You only have to view or analyze the entry points.

The patient begins with a roaming cellphone call from Stone’s sister. (There’s that name again.) Here the family chaos begins and at the same time the adventure-chaos making his way back to east coast. Stone receives two calls on cellphone. frustrated from the high, post War 1812 story, Stone says he’s got to get home. But Josh had/has a job for Stone. This falls thru as everything else in the relationship with Josh. Josh makes lots of hat promises but they never came to fruition. When Stone expresses frustration but still willing to maintain frindship with Josh, Stone tells Josh that he has to go to east coast, home, to see about his step-father who has had a stroke. Because Josh reveals what Stone said under the high created by Josh’s uncle, Josh questions Stone’s motivation and that the job-offer from Josh’s dad, which is really a lost attempt to save his lost and spoiled son. Stone and Josh have a friendship fight. Josh tries to use the fact that he paid for trip–Stone rebukes that Josh just used him because Josh doesn’t want to face his father. These two (relative) young men, from both sides of the American spectrum, portray the common chaos the middle-class prodigy and the upper class prodigy must endure. That is: they grow up in a kind of comfort not comparable anywhere else. The difference to the chaos of the rest of the world is that/what the two classes can purchase (purchase power) and the proximity to poverty they have.

Yes > but what is the transition from 1812 story to Josh’s (patient) confrontation, subsequent denial of work (from Josh’s father) to is driving to east coast in a Porsche ???

Young woman, middle age man. Crisis situation. The two are in a (kind of) corner. The first things audience hears is: (Him) “Do you believe me?” She responds that she does believe him. Then he goes off, like a hero. Break. That was the end of the story but the beginning of the play. Scene. The real story begins. Getting inside the head of a madman. A (our) middle age man manages to (choose) 1) hold up a bank, 2) hold up a government office or take hostages or 3) hold a wall-mart hostage. He at first only wanted his voice heard but then all the money started pouring in–it was given him in the hopes he would commit his crime without harm and move on–and, well, his psyche kind of let things get out of hand. He finds himself on a kind of Clyde (without Bonnie) crusade until he meets his Bonnie. A born again girl, a single mother of a small boy who our (Clyde) confides in and eventually convinces to continue his quest when/as he passes on. But he’s already killed every-body else. And so the play leads to the end we already saw plus the aftermath, result of what the born again woman experienced. During the story the man confides that the devil made him do it–in the (ultimate) end the same happens to the born again woman–depicting the evil is in us all.