Comments on: Princess Weddings: How To Start Married Life In Debthttp://www.pfadvice.com/2010/11/02/princess-complex-weddings-equal-financial-disaster/
Bridging the gap between saving money and investingTue, 31 Mar 2015 04:09:43 +0000hourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0.1By: Krishttp://www.pfadvice.com/2010/11/02/princess-complex-weddings-equal-financial-disaster/comment-page-1/#comment-948551
Wed, 15 Jun 2011 22:48:51 +0000http://www.savingadvice.com/articles/?p=6670#comment-948551I just got married this last February (out of season weddings save you lots of money, and it meant we could plan it all last minute too – fabulous because I’m such a procrastinator).

I wanted to elope – total cost $500ish (+ lots more for a fantastic trip..)

He wanted a wedding.. grrr. So I compromised and planned a wedding (because he wasn’t going to plan the wedding he wanted lol)

There were a few things we cut right out (bridesmaids, rehearsal dinners, wedding invitaions (we emailed) etc. and there were a few things we splurged on. My dress (it made my mom cry when I put it on, so it must be the right one), and catering. We supported a caterer that only buys organic food locally grown – so yes it was EXPENSIVE, but my meat eating friends had lentils and LIKED them, and my cousin’s son ate GREEN vegetables for the first time :). All told our wedding costs came to 23,000$, and about 15,000$ of that was food. But since we paid for it in cash (no debt in this relationship), and have already bought our house (mortage free in 3 years), I don’t really know what else we would’ve spent that money on. I guess I learned, that at some point you can afford to splurge on what you truly value, as long as it’s done consciously and deliberately. It’s amazing to be at that point. Your hard work can and will pay off.

]]>By: Barahttp://www.pfadvice.com/2010/11/02/princess-complex-weddings-equal-financial-disaster/comment-page-1/#comment-906771
Mon, 29 Nov 2010 22:25:03 +0000http://www.savingadvice.com/articles/?p=6670#comment-906771I had the same dilemma last year when we had to plan our wedding. My family’s dead, so there’s no one to depend on for money. His parents are in their 70s and it’s really hard to ask them for money. Almost all of our friends are spread across different states and different countries. I was sooo unsure of what to do.

Then we got invited to his coworker’s wedding. I have to say it was soooo beautiful. Huge cathedral (not a church) by the ocean, choirs singing, piano and string section, and the ceremony had like 450 people! The dinner was held at a private clubhouse right next to the ocean. (you walk out of the dinner room, and the beach is right there.) The food itself wasn’t as fancy as I thought it should be, but the venue was beautiful, they had a 9 person live band playing, free open bar with h’or douvres and the cake was a 5 tier affair. When I asked later how much their wedding was, they told me it cost the families (both pitched in) $150,000.00 !!!

Yes, you read that right. $150,000.00 just to save face and show how much $$$$$ you have. Actually it was very beautiful, but to be honest, I couldn’t see where the money was spent on. Apparently their parents could afford it, kudos to them.

Having that as an example 6 months before our wedding was a big wakeup call for me. We were lucky that we had not yet put down any deposit anywhere. This is what we paid for our wedding:

The courthouse can’t accomodate too many people so it’s family only, then we had champagne and cake at his family’s, and our friends threw us a potluck celebration a few days later. I thought it had a lot of meaning and it was really really wonderful. I didn’t have to invite people I didn’t want to, and having our friends throw us the dinner made it more affordable for them. I didn’t want to put my friends in a financial bind of having them pay for bridesmaid dresses/shoes/doing hair & nails that they only wear once. Especially when some of them have lost jobs, have their bonuses cut, etc.

A lot of young women these days don’t know that what they see on TV isn’t real, nor gospel. Many parents don’t want to deny their baby girl the best on her wedding day. But so many of them divorce, and then they still have to pay for years for that “glorious day”.

Besides, when we make a ton of money, we can always have a glorious feast later at our anniversaries. The extra money that we were going to spend on our wedding went towards our house payment. House = security, moment of glory = flash in the pan. I hope this is helpful to you readers who are considering marriage.

]]>By: Gailhttp://www.pfadvice.com/2010/11/02/princess-complex-weddings-equal-financial-disaster/comment-page-1/#comment-860132
Wed, 10 Nov 2010 06:57:37 +0000http://www.savingadvice.com/articles/?p=6670#comment-860132I so agree with beer guy except for the beer ( I don’t waste my money on beer, I waste it on chocolate). My hubby and I managed to pull off an elegant, lovely wedding for $2000 9 years ago. My son is getting married next Sept. when he asked about if we could help out with costs, I had to be frank that we didn’t have much due to circumstances (I’m on disability) but I did agree with him that if they chose for the next year on gift giving occasions we would give them the money we would have spent on presents to put away towards the wedding. Anything we can make to help out, we will also but we sure won’t be contributing $10,000 for a wedding! Prepping for marriage and a good solid life together is much better than spending stacks of money to show off on one day.
]]>By: Pattie, RNhttp://www.pfadvice.com/2010/11/02/princess-complex-weddings-equal-financial-disaster/comment-page-1/#comment-850912
Sun, 07 Nov 2010 11:51:26 +0000http://www.savingadvice.com/articles/?p=6670#comment-850912This happy bride, still married to my handsome prince 32 years after the wedding, could not agree more!

DH and I do marriage prep with our church and the tag line is “A wedding is a day, a MARRIAGE is a lifetime!” These over the top weddings are a result of little girls who cut their teeth on “Disney Princesses” meeting a reality TV culture, with easy credit thrown in. Too often the pricetag on the “day” is in inverse proportion to the length and happiness of the marriage!.

And your poor buddy….wait another few years. When she gets pregnant, she will HAVE to have an SUV to keep baby safe, a house in the suburbs (I mean, who can fit a family of three into that 1600 sf condo?) and all of those cute $200 baby shoes that the kid will wear for 12 minutes…

]]>By: Natehttp://www.pfadvice.com/2010/11/02/princess-complex-weddings-equal-financial-disaster/comment-page-1/#comment-838002
Thu, 04 Nov 2010 00:46:42 +0000http://www.savingadvice.com/articles/?p=6670#comment-838002First, I’m totally with you on the beer drinking. I can’t stand a cheap beer. In fact, good beer is one of the 10 things I suggest you should cheap out on (a post on my blog).

Second, I agree with you about going completely overboard with a wedding. As someone who just got married a few months ago can attest, it’s really easy to get caught up in the excitement of creating “the perfect day.” Luckily for me though, my wife and I sat down and decided what was really important to us about our day and what wasn’t. Top on the list of important things? A good photographer, a good location, and good beer. Not so important? Expensive frilly crap like decorations, a super fancy limo, or over the top dinner. We picked what we liked, budgeted accordingly, and come out with no debt.

Cheers to that!

]]>By: snafuhttp://www.pfadvice.com/2010/11/02/princess-complex-weddings-equal-financial-disaster/comment-page-1/#comment-837744
Wed, 03 Nov 2010 21:32:13 +0000http://www.savingadvice.com/articles/?p=6670#comment-837744A wedding is a celebration to let friends and relatives join your happy event. That poor shmuck hasn’t married a ‘princess,’ he’s chosen an immature, woman with low self esteem who needs an elaborate party to make herself feel special. A genuine Princess brings something of long term value to the union that serves them both. What long term value has the lady brought? Every dollar spent on that wedding was a dollar less for their marriage.

I figure he’d better have a really long list of synonyms for ‘beautiful’ to stoke his lady’s self esteem at least four times a day. I genuinely hope the marriage lasts longer than it takes to pay off the debt incurred.

Beer Guy, your friend needs to prepare for bankrupcy and or divorce as soon as he or she loses their job, or when he refuses to go into anymore joint debt.

If you are rich, or famous, or a child of the rich or famous, then by all means, have a million dollar wedding. The economy needs your money.

If you’ve saved up $45,000.00 for your wedding, then, woohoo, spend it! Brag to everyone that you’re not going into debt for your wedding, and how hard you worked to save that cash. You might even decide you worked too hard just to blow it all on impressing/pleasing your wedding guests and put some toward your future.

If your parents are willing to contribute $10,000 each toward a $20,000 wedding, thank them profusely and spend it wisely. Where I live, $20,000 is a downpayment on a house.

Oh, by the way, no amount of money guarantees perfection. You will still hear complaints from guests who were unhappy about something at your wedding.

]]>By: fe2o3ezhttp://www.pfadvice.com/2010/11/02/princess-complex-weddings-equal-financial-disaster/comment-page-1/#comment-837404
Wed, 03 Nov 2010 17:11:50 +0000http://www.savingadvice.com/articles/?p=6670#comment-837404Oh, boy… this sounds familiar. Ten years ago, tomorrow in fact, I was in your friend’s shoes. I made the mistake of never setting a budget for my fiancee. She was 32 and had been planning the day for like 20 years. We had the limo, top notch hotel, prime rib, lots of out of town guests, and to top it off, a 12-piece live orchestra jazz band. Being that we had both been ‘out of the house’ for many years, she saw no sense in our parents contributing to our expenses, and insisted we pay for everything ourselves – even though I was in Grad school and all expenses went on (you guessed it) credit cards. Some $25k worth, plus another $13k for the diamond ring that had already been financed. OUCH. I learned a great deal about credit cards over the next few years. That was all for my FIRST marriage… and it lasted 10 months. (the marriage, not the bills) I got much smarter the second time around.

Guys, be reasonable. Give her a budget that is 10-15% below what you are comfortable paying, then get out of her way and let her do it. The 10-15% gives you a little wiggle room to look like the good guy when she finds that perfect dress, or wants to fly in her orphaned friend from halfway around the world. Think about her… (but take care of yourself!)