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Thu, 15 Mar 2018 07:20:10 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.5These Are The Best Free Porn Sites Right Nowhttp://bakwitytes.us/these-are-the-best-free-porn-sites-right-now.html
Thu, 15 Mar 2018 07:20:10 +0000http://bakwitytes.us/?p=70Gone are the days of going to the video store or having to pay for quality porn. We bring you the most popular and porn sites in the world. To get on this list the site needs to be malware free, fast loading and constantly updated. Enjoy. If you’ve had enough virtual entertainment and are ready for the real thing, make sure you visit our escorts services page and the affair dating sites section.

PornHub is huge. With an estimated 135 Million visitors a month, PornHub earns the number one spot on this list for having probably the greatest collection of free porn we’ve ever seen. With such a huge user base, the site is able to maintain itself from advertising profits alone. Ads on PornHub are served through the TrafficJunky network.

It has pretty much every porn video you could ever want. It’s all there. PornHub is wildly popular and caters to pretty much everyone. PornHub has been around for a while now, and this explains their huge video library. They have millions of fast loading, high-quality videos in almost every category. They also have some old-school scenes from the 70s, and 80s if you’re into that. Unfortunately, there is a downside to having so much content: the categories are not so well organized. You can be looking for lesbian cunnilingus, and you’ll end up finding lesbian threesomes or even gay threesomes. For those who are into very particular stuff, PornHub can be slightly frustrating.

Although not a major annoyance, you might get a popunder ad once in a while. However, we found no viruses, malware or toolbars being pushed on this site, you can browse this site safely.

“Men don’t know how to be men. Many men fear that they are unsafe.”~Aaron Bradfield

“To be a spiritually healthy person you have to be an emotionally healthy person.”~Rob Furlong

What happens when you get 45 men in a room with a pastor and a counsellor to discuss sex and relationships over a meat pie and a can of coke?

Answer: a lot of education, connecting fellowship, and encouragement.

What follows are some of my thoughts from the notes taken from a Sex and Relationships “Real Men Pie Night.”

PORNOGRAPHY

Sex is sacred and pornography devalues what is sacrosanct.

The commonest problem men are dealing with is pornography, and, to a lesser extent, burnout – both physical and spiritual. Because pornography is so accessible these days – one mouse click away – more and more men (and more women for that matter) are becoming entrapped by pornography.

Among the many dangers involved in pornography is the pressure it places on men’s partners; women who feel under pressure to look like and perform like the porn stars.

It’s amazing how many Christian men struggle with pornography, but almost every one of them believes they are alone. It is the oldest lie of the devil to isolate us in such ways.

Interestingly, pornography is not so much about sex, as it’s much more to do with our own story – what we, as persons, have not recovered from. Dealing with our pasts – being honest about them with trusted others – helps to heal us.

Dealing with the problem of pornography probably best begins with therapy, and possibly group therapy. The best thing we can do, in our struggle with pornography, is to be open and honest with a trusted friend, and ask that friend to pray with us.

Openness and honesty are the keys.

The only real exception to complete openness and honesty is timing and wisdom with our wives in declaring our problems. Our wives are not to be burdened with being our accountability partners. A bit like Step 9 of AA’s 12-Step Program, where, amends is to be made, it defeats the purpose if our amends injures the person we want God to heal. We must pray for wisdom and discernment about the details. But we should tell them, somehow, we have a problem that we’re dealing with.

MEN’S AND WOMEN’S IDENTITIES

Just as the quote at top says, men have learned to lose confidence in their male identity. We may struggle with viewing ourselves as on the one hand, dangerous, but, on the other hand, soft. Our lack of male identity is often caused at a societal level, but it was learned and is reinforced all the more from our families of origin.

Men’s overriding psychology about their masculinity is about, “do I have what it takes?” Women’s overriding psychology about their femininity is about, “do you (my man) delight in me.”

If the man’s identity is to treasure his woman, that he makes her the object of his affection, he bridges the gap between him and her.

THE SEX RELATIONSHIP

It’s critically important for men to understand that their women need to be treated with the utmost respect. If a woman isn’t respected she may be characteristically reviled by the thought of sex. Men tend to not understand this and wonder why they have unfulfilling sexual relationships. The sexual relationship between a married couple is a good representation of the overall relationship. If the sex is good it probably means that the woman feels safe, cherished, and respected in the marriage.

A man cannot grow in intimacy with his wife unless he is prepared to devote his whole sexual life to her alone. He must be not just physically faithful, but mentally and spiritually faithful as well. Intimacy ignites passion as a slow but reliable flame.

Where there is a disparity between the libidos of a husband and his wife, where characteristically the husband’s sexual drive is higher, he may be able to engage sexually with her present in ways that she doesn’t need to be actively involved.

But wherever a wife is involved sexually the husband needs to pay caring attention to what leads up to the sexual event. Sex, at least for the woman, begins in the brain. Women are not interested in sex when the relationship is poor. It is up to men, and the onus is on us, to build intimacy with our wives.

Furthermore, it may be a stretch for a man to understand what it might be like to have a body that is sexually penetrated. A man finds it difficult to imagine how vulnerable a woman must be to allow a man to enter into her body. The sex act needs to be creative, not rushed, and not mechanical.

As men we need to treat our women as they should be treated: with the utmost respect.

Lastly, it is of real value for a woman to understand that a man feels rejected deeper down when he isn’t getting sex. But the first onus is on the man to ensure his wife is happy; that she is being loved and respected unconditionally.

Acknowledgement: a special vote of thanks and gratitude for Pastors Rob Furlong and Aaron Bradfield, who were a beautifully complementary team as part of an expert panel providing the above wisdom, and to Pastor Anthony Palmieri for his “Pie Night” vision.

There are very few silver bullets in life. I have yet to see the magic pill for weight loss. I am personally still looking for the five thousand dollar a day work from home business! I have no idea how people who make these claims, preying on people with real problems, sleep at night. Take a moment sometime and look at all the Christian “save your marriage” claims out there. Some of the products look more like comedy routines than real solutions. They are as laughable as they are sad.

Seldom are the real answers to complicated problems easy. Especially when you are dealing with personal relationships. Throw sex into the discussion and you can almost automatically expect limited breakthrough. Almost…

There are a couple simple truths in the world of sex and marriage that on the surface seem almost benign. But when you really GET these simple truths and you put them into practice you experience what you can quite possibly classify as your first real SILVER BULLET! Let’s break these “truths” into two different sections… “What men should know” and “What woman should know”. Let’s start with the men…!

Men are very simple creatures when it comes to sex. God knew how complicated women were going to be and felt he needed to even things up! (Sorry ladies…!) They say the average man (Christian or not) thinks about sex hundreds of times a day. That is probably a conservative estimate. Why is that you think? While we have no way of knowing for certain this is my understanding. Men are turned on by what they SEE. Sometimes I think mans visual response skips their brain and goes right to their mid section. How many movies have we all seen where a man and woman are sitting together and a beautiful woman walks buy causing the mans eyes to follow as though it is an involuntary act? Our vision starts off the sexual experience for us. We see and we act. Even if we choose to look away from that beautiful woman we have to deliberately make that choice.

When in that same movie the woman gets upset thinking this is an insult to her personally, she makes some comment challenging his commitment to her. As it sounds shallow for the man to say “hey, God made me that way” it is the truth. I am not saying this is a license for men to ogle every attractive woman they see. I believe deliberate “oogling” in the presence of your wife or girlfriend is insensitive and wrong. On the other hand, when out of instinct a man looks as a woman passes, and catches himself, his wife should commend him. He has just fought and won a battle to preserve her honor. That first glance is not about will power, the continued glaring is. This is the part where the woman need to understand how God created men. Woman need to understand what turns a man on sexually. This understanding is a little easier for woman as this is how the media tells us everyone is sexually excited.

Men Look at things and decide right there if they like them. Woman are no exception. There is a reason woman won’t leave the house in curlers. Why do women were high heels? Ask them. You will not hear the word comfort I assure you. Look at lesbians. Real lesbians. They use the term butch. If you look at these woman almost none of them dress in miniskirts and heels. They all wear Reebok tennis shoes and beige pants. Why? First reason is comfort. The second is there is no reason to wear heels and skirts. Woman could care less what other woman are wearing. They have no need to “hook” another woman visually. So ladies, do your best to understand this even if you don’t feel it. While your appearance is not the know all and end all of your relationship, to your husband it is a big part. Why? Because for whatever reason the Lord in his infinite wisdom made him.

Women. Being a Christian, heterosexual man I love women. I have zero clue how a man could have sex with another man. When God put a woman together physically he could not have done a better job. Man being designed first he knew we liked what we saw. Guys I am sure you will agree he did not disappoint. How much easier life would be if woman were “turned on” the same way men are. Unfortunately, the two processes are not even close.

Women are human. Christian or not does not matter. They like what they see as men do. They use there vision as a first response vehicle much like men do. That is where the similarity ends. The process that occurs after that can even trump that first opinion her eyes gave her. I wish I could say woman just “feel” their way through relationships. But that over simplifies what is really going on.

So, here we go. What turns a woman on? Being a Christian and holding the belief pre marital sex is wrong, The women we are discussing here are our wives. So, what turns our wives on? Seeing as this woman married you we can assume she finds you attractive on some level. She loves you. At some point the two of you enjoyed sex with one another. Hopefully. (There are untold numbers of woman however that never really enjoyed sex. They just “did it” because it was expected. Or to satisfy her husband. Never really knowing or understanding how to enjoy it. Some fundementalist Christian women believe it is somehow wrong to enjoy sex!! That is a whole other topic. Women, if that is you rejoice!! There is hope!! Stay tuned to these articles as we will be discussing that very subject). Guys, how do we get our wives to WANT to have sex with us?? Men like things in Steps so we can methodically follow them. Here are some steps you can take to begin the process..

Make the bed when you get up in the morning.

Make the kids lunch. Get them dressed and on their way to school.

Take out the trash

Clean the house

Vacuum

Dust

If you are going out that night make all the arraignments for the kids. Childcare, feeding them. Homework,etc.

Now guys, you might be looking at this list and laughing. Some of you might be in tears! It is my guess the majority of you just don’t get It. What does housework have to do with SEX? It is very simple. Now, as I explain this do yourself a HUGE favor. Do not try and make what I am saying more complicated than it is. Sometimes we don’t believe the simple thing works because it is so simple! WHY woman behave as they do is extremely complicated. HOW WE RESPOND to women is easy. Just so our response compliments how God created them. The list above is the women’s lingerie. A husband taking the time to do those things for his wife in the equivalent of the little black dress, black stockings and heels to a man. It’s her SEX ON A STICK!

Guys, our wives sex drive will always equal her sense of SECURITY. When we take the time to do the things that tell our wives “you matter, I understand how tough being a mom can be, I appreciate you, I need you, I thank God you are my wife” we provide the security every woman NEEDS. Guys, if we want our wives to respond to us sexually we need to respond to them in the way God made them. Do yourself a favor and give these things a try. What type things can you see would make your wife feel more secure? More appreciated? Telling our wives we love them is easy. Showing them is easy. Telling them AND showing them can be a challenge. When a woman sees her husband engaged in her daily activities, giving her some “me” time… Wow. Guys, the dividends are amazing. Think about this… How many times do you see really beautiful woman with men totally out of their league? Fat, bald guys with these 10.5 women on their arm?? I see them all the time. It used to bewilder me until I understood what made women tick. Christian or not. The first thing we might think is the guy has a ton of money. Maybe so for some. But isn’t that a form of security?? The biggest mistake men and woman make in their sex relationship is the belief we are aroused sexually in the same way! You can see the bedlam caused not understanding how God created us. Again, these truths are universal, Christian or not.

So, lets recap.

Men are visual beings. We are aroused by what we see. Period, Sure, love comes into play and we have a few feelings… a few. Men love sex with a beautiful women. So you women out there… If you want more attention sexually from your husband, rolling over in the morning with your hair going everywhere and breath that could peel paint is not your best plan. I love the song from R&B artist Beyonce’ called Freakum Dress. Get in your closet and pull out your Freakum Dress, put it on and get his attention. As I am a huge proponent of staying in your best possible shape physically for your spouse, sadly for women this weighs a little more heavily on your shoulders. Sorry ladies… Hey! Blame the Lord!!

Women like an attractive man. However woman are far more interested in safety and security. Being made to believe she is loved and the worth while. I hate the word feeling (feelings). It goes far deeper than just “feeling” this way once in a while. BEING safe and secure is a necessity for every woman. Even Gloria Steinem. The benefit to men for providing this environment is great sex!! So guys, Start with the list above and add activities particular to your relationship. Tell her your plan. Tell her ” I want to improve our sex life. I’ll take care of the kids and the house today. Go take the day and do as you please!! ” Then keep helping around the house, with the kids, etc. This will create the secure environment your wife needs. If Christian Sex 101 were a book, this would be in the first chapter. The good news is you’ll find many other areas of your life improving along with your sexual relationship.

Guys and Gals… You have the keys to the kingdom. Now GO DO IT!! This isn’t a complete Guide to Christian Sex but it is a good start!!

Is watching porn okay? If a guy likes to watch porn should his sex partner be concerned? Is it healthy or normal for a guy to watch porn frequently when he has a girl friend and a great sex life?

These are very common questions and concerns in men-women relationships. Let us first clear away some confusion about porn and its effects on building a healthy sexual relationship. A study by a group of scientists at the University of Montreal found that men watched porn that matched their own image of sexuality, and quickly discarded material they found offensive or distasteful. Porn did not have a negative effect on men’s sexuality. Porn hasn’t changed their perception of women or their relationship, which they all want to be as harmonious and fulfilling as possible. Thus there is nothing abnormal or unhealthy with watching porn as long as we do not get too obsessive to the point that we choose porn over sex with our partner.

If this happens you should consider your feelings about porn. What makes you so obsessive about porn that your partner feels left out? Is it something about your partner that you are not happy with? Is it due to boredom or an escape from a relationship that is steadily losing some “sparks”?

In this case, you need to sit down to talk with your partner about the issues and concerns in the relationship. The talk must be in such a way that it does not lead to the pinning of blame or assigning the causes of the problems in relationship on her. The goal here is to work together with her to solve the problem. Putting the blame on her will only cause her to get defensive and leading to argument. If you find yourself unable to work this out alone, it could be helpful to talk to a counselor or sex therapist.

However in situation when you have a normal sex relationship and both of you has different views on porn and she is not satisfied with the role of porn in your relationship, there is also a need for both of you to sit down and talk. You need to ask yourself what you like about porn. Is it due to fantasy? Are there things you see from porn that you want both to try together? At the same time, she can also sort out her thoughts about porn. Is it something that interests her at all? If so, she can pick those adult movies that meet her individual taste which can later progress to the stage that both of you can together choose the type of porn to watch together. If she does not like the idea of having porn a part of the sexual relationship, she needs to explain the reasons and a compromise is needed in order to break this deadlock. If both of you can honestly share with each other feelings about porn and porn watching, the concern about the effects of porn on relationship can go away.

Many same-sex couples choose to start families by having or adopting children. In the event the relationship between partners ends, child custody must be determined as with heterosexual relationships. These situations can be complex especially when one parent is the child’s biological parent and the other is not. Each state has individual laws regarding same-sex adoption so it is important to know your state’s laws and the best way to protect your parental status in your same-sex relationship.

In order to protect your parental rights to a child, in a same-sex relationship, you should make sure you are a “legal parent.” A legal parent has a duty to provide for a child, the right to live with the child (full or part-time) and the right to make decisions on his/her behalf. In some states, same-sex couples are permitted to jointly adopt a child therefore they both become legal parents. In cases where one partner is the biological parent, the biological parent automatically becomes the parent. In lesbian partnerships, often one partner is the biological mother and carries the child, making her the legal parent. In gay men partnerships, one partner may be the sperm donor (the child carried by a surrogate) making him the biological or parent. Many states allow the non-biological same-sex partner to adopt the child through the second-parent or step-parent adoption process. The second-parent adoption process allows the same-sex partner to also claim the parent role.

When same-sex relationships end and children are involved, often the courts get involved to determine custody arrangements. If both parents are legally the parents, most courts will handle child custody in the same way they would with a heterosexual relationship. The non-biological parent, who has a legal relationship with the child, will have rights similar to those of a father in a heterosexual relationship. In some cases, the non-biological parent is awarded custody because it is in the best interest of the child. Problems with custody can arise if only one partner is a legal parent. Many courts will say that the non-legal parent has few if any rights to the child in the case of separation. In some cases, the courts have allowed the legal or biological parent to deny the non-legal parent contact with the child. Some more progressive courts will look beyond the legal parental status to examine the history and relationship formed between the child and partner, when determining child custody.

In a few states, same-sex partner adoption is prohibited. It may not be possible for a non-biological parent to gain full parental status. If you live in a state where you are not permitted to adopt your partner’s biological child, you should attempt to protect yourself and your parental role in the event of separation down the road. One way to do this is by establishing a parenting agreement. This agreement will not necessarily stand up in court, but may help you work with your partner in the case of separation. A parenting agreement usually establishes that although only one partner is the legal parent, you both consider yourself equal parents and assume the responsibilities associated with your parental roles. It should include that you intend to co-parent even if the relationship comes to an end. It would be advantageous to also include information about financial responsibility and visitation/custody agreements in case of separation. This parenting agreement can be used in court as ammunition to support a non-legal parent’s quest for child custody/visitation.

If you would like more information about your state’s laws and same-sex couple adoption, you should contact a family law attorney. An experienced family law attorney can inform you of your state’s laws on same-sex adoption and the best way to protect yourself in your same-sex parenting relationship.

“I have never had thoughts that picture me making love with my husband – or anyone else for that matter. I imagine connection, fun and feelings of love but never making love. If it was left up to me sex would never be on the agenda, just because it would never occur to me to make love. I know when my husband would like to make love, and I enjoy it when I do make love, but it would never cross my mind if he didn’t initiate. I feel I am missing being aware and connected to a part of me. Surely a reasonably balanced and mostly connected human being should have some sort of sex drive. Your thoughts and insights would be really appreciated. Thank you.”

Laverne is not alone in her experience. I hear this same thing from many of my women clients.

However, many women do think about romance, which can lead to sex. Women tend to think more about the process of intimacy – of fun, connection, and sharing feelings of love – rather than about the result. In fact, for many women focusing on the result is a turnoff.

The fact that Laverne can enjoy sex when her husband initiates it indicates that there is nothing wrong with her sexuality. It’s just that it’s not separate from her feelings of love and connection. It doesn’t occur to her to make love because her sexuality mostly emerges from her emotional connection with her husband. Some women, but not all, do experience a biological push toward sex during their ovulation. But even then, for most women, it needs to be in the context of emotional intimacy.

And herein lies the major difference between men and women – testosterone. While some women have higher than normal testosterone levels, most don’t, which means that most women are not biologically driven regarding having sex. Not so for most men. Testosterone creates the biological sex drive in men, while love, intimacy and romance often lead to women feeling sexual.

It would be helpful for our relationships if we all could accept that women who don’t think about having sex are generally not imbalanced or disconnected from their bodies.

What would happen in relationships if both men and women accepted that men are often more biologically driven and women are often more emotionally driven? Perhaps this could lead to deep appreciation for each other. There is truly nothing wrong with men for generally being more biologically driven than women, and there is nothing wrong with women for generally being more emotionally driven then many men. (Of course, none of this is always true, as some women are more biologically driven than their man, and some men are more emotionally driven then their woman. And these differences can just as easily show up in same-sex relationships).

If Laverne stops judging herself for not thinking about sex, and values what she contributes to their relationship, then perhaps she can also value her husband for his biology and for being the one to initiate sex. If her husband completely embraces his biology, perhaps he can fully appreciate what Laverne brings to the relationship regarding fun, love and connection. And he might be more wiling to tap into his ability to be romantic once he accepts this as a vital part of their relationship. By valuing themselves and each other for what they each bring to their sexual relationship, their differences can be a blessing for them rather than creating conflict.

Opinions vary greatly on the topic of the difference between true love versus just sex relationships. How do you know when the physical sensations and desires you are feeling are the result of being in love with someone and not just the result of being attracted to them sexually? Which is better – just sex relationships for the sake of sex or true love that leads to a sexual encounter?

Is It Just Lust or Is It Just Pleasure?

The difference between lust and pleasure is so thin that it is nearly non-existent. Lust refers to the existence of a strong sexual desire, craving, or longing. Its presence in the sexual relationship can lead to passionate love making. Lust encompasses every aspect of the sexual experience starting with the desire to have sex with a specific person, even if this individual is someone you have just met, and ending with the denouement or final climax.

When you have sex for pleasure, it is usually just a means to an end – having sex to achieve an orgasm. It is more likely to occur as a random encounter with no particular partner in mind.

Pros and Cons of Just Sex Relationships

The basic premise of just having sex rather than being in a committed relationship based on love is the ability to avoid all emotional entanglement. Casual sex, particularly as experienced in a series of one night stands, avoids the need to form an emotional attachment, pretend to lust your partner, feel guilty over not satisfying the sexual needs of your temporary lover, or practice a monogamous relationship. Plus, anyone who is having casual sex rather than participating in a relationship based on true love can avoid having to answer to someone else, call home when running late, or buy gifts for birthdays or anniversaries. This is a “winning” situation for anyone who simply isn’t ready to settle down with one individual.

Casual sex, as experienced in the friends-with-benefits scenario is a bit trickier since some type of emotional bond clearly exists. Keeping the relationship strictly on a friendship level is only possible when neither participant begins to fall in love with the other half of the equation. This kind of it’s-just-sex relationship can blow up on a person unexpectedly, especially if a pregnancy occurs. It can lead to the dissolution of the friendship, leaving you feeling lonelier than ever.

When an individual dabbles in casual sex only, avoiding true love at every turn, it really is a costly experience when it goes on for too long. If you never form an emotional commitment, then you can wind up living the rest of your days out alone. You never have anyone to invite as a guest to important functions, and you might find your desirability as a lover begins to fade as your hair thins, skin wrinkles, and tummy sags. This scenario might have you searching for sex in all the wrong places, simply because the “right” places are no longer suitable for a person of your age or stature.

Pros and Cons of a Relationship Based on True Love

True love is often defined as the feelings held between two people who put the partner’s well being first and foremost. It refers to the ability to love someone no matter what they say or do. True love is everything good and nothing bad. A relationship based on true love includes a healthy dose of patience, kindness, loyalty, caring, and compromise, distinguishing it from lust, a feeling which disappears until the next time that you become sexually aroused by your partner. True love involves a lasting bond that continues to grow, whereas lust dissipates the moment that sexual climax is fully reached.

When applying for immigration to Canada via Citizenship & Immigration Canada (CIC) you must always have a principal applicant. This is the person who can fulfill the criteria of the particular immigration route you are choosing. It does not have to be the head of the household, nor does it have to be the male in a mixed sex relationship. You should look at the criteria and determine which family member will gain the most points or have the correct work history in order to qualify.

The principal applicant can then name spouses and dependent children as family members to be included in their application. Many people wrongly assume that a couple has to be heterosexual and married in order for their relationship to be recognized by CIC as valid, but this is not the case. CIC recognizes common-law relationships as well as same-sex relationships, but you do have to be aware of certain criteria that have to be met in order for your relationship to be accepted.

CIC Definitions:

Spouse: Two people of opposite or same-sex in a legally recognized marriage.Common-law: Two people of opposite or same-sex who are living in a conjugal relationship and have been doing so continuously for at least one year.Conjugal: Two people who live together and have significant commitment to one another i.e. financial, emotional, children etc.

Some issues may arise when applying for immigration to Canada that may never have been a factor before and could actually prevent the CIC from recognizing your relationship as common-law. If you know before hand what these issues might be you can prepare in advance and get your affairs in order so that when the time comes you have no problems proving your relationship. Muchmor Canada Magazine outlines the main problems and how you can prevent them.

When CIC accepts common-law relationships both heterosexual and gay or lesbian it has to receive proof from the couple that their relationship is real and not being used for the benefit of immigration. This means that you will need to prove that your relationship is conjugal. Evidence that you share a home, support each other financially, are in an emotional relationship and perhaps have children will all be taken into account.

This might not sound as if it could be a problem, but lets take a look at a couple of scenarios:

Scenario 1:

Jack and Ben are a gay couple who have been in a relationship for six years and have been living as a common-law couple for four years. Jack owned the property they live in before he met Ben and all the bills, mortgage etc are in his name only. Ben contributes toward the food and general living expenses as well as holidays the couple take. They each have separate bank accounts. This arrangement has worked well for them both and they have seen no reason to change.

Problem: Because on paper Ben has no connection to the property they live in there is no proof that they are living as a couple, other than their “word.” Although Ben pays as much financially into the relationship he has no bills, mortgage or household costs that can be shown to the CIC. Neither do they share a bank account and do they have no obvious financial commitment to each other. Therefore this may give rise to CIC rejecting their common-law relationship and refusing their application.

Scenario 2:

Mark and Sue have lived together for two years. Mark works full-time and is the only earner in the home as Sue is a stay-at-home mum to a daughter she has by another relationship. Mark has always looked after the bills and rent and Sue’s name is not on any of the official documentation i.e. rent, utility bills etc. They do have a joint bank account, but this is used for savings and holidays and not for the payment of household bills which come out of a bank account in Mark’s name only.

Problem: As with Scenario 1 CIC could refuse to accept their common-law relationship as on paper Sue has no connection to the joint home and cannot prove commitment to the relationship. Although they share a bank account, this does not prove a relationship as any two individuals can open a join bank account without being in a relationship. Remember all the bills come out of an account in Mark’s name.

Scenario 3:

Sally lives with her same-sex partner Amy in a rented apartment. The rental agreement is in Sally’s name as she lived there before she met Amy about 18 months ago. The rent includes all utilities, so no living expenses other than groceries and everyday living costs are payable. If they add Amy to the rental agreement it will prompt a new contract being put in place, increasing their monthly rent, so they have left things as they are. They both have separate bank accounts.

Problem: Once again one partner in the relationship cannot prove that they are in any way committed to the relationship or the property they live in. Again CIC could refuse to accept this relationship and refuse their application.

Solutions

Fortunately most of these issues can be easily rectified well in advance of you needing to supply the information to CIC. By following Muchmor Canada Magazine suggestions you can prevent problems.

The key to this is preparation and timing. As soon as you know you will want to apply for immigration to Canada you should look at mortgage or rental agreements, utility bills such as electricity, gas, water, internet, television etc. bank accounts and investments. Make a list and note who’s name is included on each.

The next thing is to try to get as many of these items in both names as possible. Some will be easier than others, but perhaps the easiest is a joint bank account which you then use to pay your bills. If you can show that both your incomes go into one account and all your expenses are paid from that account it helps prove financial commitment to one another and a shared liability for the “marital” home.

Next try to add the additional name onto utility bills. Some companies will do this readily, others may take some patience and paperwork. If you cannot get all changed over, don’t worry. As long as you can show that many of your bills are in joint names this is okay. After all even legally married couples don’t always have all their bills in both names.

The biggest obstacle will be mortgage or rental agreements as these will require a legal change and may it may be to your financial disadvantage to change them. This is something you will have to discuss with your mortgage lender or landlord. Again if you cannot easily get this changed, do not despair. As long as you can get a joint bank account in place and can prove you share all or most of the household expenses you should be good to go.

The CIC understands that not every couple married or common-law will share absolutely everything. Many married couples still have separate bank accounts or pay separate bills or only have one wage earner who pays everything. But it is taken for granted that a married couple living in the same house are financially and emotionally committed to each other. The same consideration is not extended to common-law couples who rightly, or wrongly have to prove this fact.

Because CIC require you to be in a common-law relationship for at least one year before applying, you should get all these things in order as soon as possible. The information you give on your application needs to be relevant at the time you complete it, not at the time you expect it to be processed by CIC.

Always read, re-read and read again the application criteria to make sure you are complying correctly. It is easier to start things off right than to have to correct things later which may delay your processing time, or mean it gets rejected altogether.

Teen romance and the possibility of sex…It is one of the trickiest and difficult topics that we, as parents, talk to our kids about. Making sure your teenager has good information and a healthy attitude about opposite sex relationships is a challenging parental responsibility. We know that our teenagers are going to parties, hanging out together, sometimes drinking and some are having sex.

According to a 2005 Statistics Canada report:

o About 12% of teens have had sexual intercourse by age 15 and by the time they reach the age of 17, 28% teens have. By age 24, 80% of young adults have had sexual intercourse.
o Of the sexually active youth between age 15 and 24, over one third of them had more than one partner in a year and 30% did not use a condom the last time they had intercourse.
o Teen pregnancy has been steadily decreasing over the past 25 years. However the number of teens who have contracted sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as Chlamydia remains on the rise. This points to reduced use of condoms or the prevalence of oral sex which many teens mistakenly believe eliminates the transmission of STDs.

So, as parents, what sort of influence do we have? According to a 2005 University of Regina in Saskatchewan study, teachers emerged as the most important source for information about pregnancy and STD prevention. The study also found that peer influence was more important than parental disapproval in predicting whether a student would have intercourse. The findings suggest that, teachers and peers are more important in providing good information and instilling attitudes to our teenagers than parents. Parental disapproval has little impact. In fact parental disapproval often has the opposite effect one is trying to accomplish.

Romance and the Teenage Brain

The conflict between young love and parental disapproval is not a new one. In Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliette, his “star crossed lovers” showed what havoc teen romance can have on families. Today, perhaps it is understandable and acceptable for school to be a more important source of information than parents on certain information about sex. However, most of us hope our values are important to our children and help guide their sexual behaviour choices.

When your son or daughter has fallen in love the personality change may seem extreme. It like they have been invaded by an alien body snatcher. The power of teen love and sex is very strong. Many parents feel responsible for their teenager’s risky behavior and become overwhelmed with feelings of guilt. Parents and especially mothers often feel the judgment of other parents whose teen’s behaviour is less extreme This can lead to additional feelings of isolation and ineffectiveness. Some parents and especially fathers may get authoritative out of frustration and eventually give up or “wash their hands” of the problem out of feelings of ineptitude.

To be more influential it helps to equipped with the knowledge of what forces are at work when a teenager falls in love. It is important to understand how the teen brain works. Recent brain scientific research sheds much more light on how much hormonal activity is influencing our teenager’s thoughts and actions.

Brain structures and brain chemicals both affect the way an adolescent first dives into romance. In his book Why Do They Act That Way?: A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen, David Walsh describes it this way. At around age ten, the body produces androgen hormones. This is when the first crush can occur. It is at puberty when the real awakening of sexual interest and sex drive occurs. This is when “falling in love” can happen. The hypothalamus drives surges of testosterone in both boys and girls and raises the levels of dopamine – the hormone that is responsible for feelings of pleasure. Because of developmental differences, boys and girls have different attitudes toward sex and romance. The testosterone surges in boys lead them to see girls as sexual objects. Adolescent girls tend to be more drawn to boys for the relational aspects of spending time together and talking.

Although sexual interest is always part of falling in love, falling in love is not always part of sex drive. The prefrontal cortex (the place of reason and judgment in the brain) is inactive and in teenagers not yet fully developed. When falling in love, we aren’t using our rational brain and impulse control. A “pleasure” high comes from the hormonal interplay of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. It is a powerful mix of natural neurological “chemistry”. All this high level of hormonal fireworks cannot be sustained for a long time by the brain. The intense feelings of “falling in love” are even shorter for teenagers than adults. Infatuation lasts only about three months on average. Following this they will move on to another relationship for the intoxication and excitement or will stay as the relationship transitions into a calmer more comfortable stable state, which has been called “standing in love”.

During the “standing in love” phase cooling down occurs and the prefrontal cortex engages. The teen is in a better position to assess the suitability of the relationship. The adolescent may wonder, “Why am I in this relationship?” A different set of hormones are released now. For girls it is oxytocin sometimes referred to as the “cuddling” hormone, also involved at childbirth, which promotes attachment. In boys, the hormone vasopressin makes them more protective, faithful and attentive to their partner’s needs.

Romantic Pitfalls

Often parents worry about their child falling in love with a “bad apple”. Concern about a teenager’s judgment is warranted. The prefrontal cortex is not completing formed in the brain until age 21. In this stupor of love, the bad influence of the boyfriend or girlfriend leads the “good” child to do things quite out of character. For example they may engage in some risky behavior out of loyalty and love such as destroy property for the “rush” of it.

Sometimes the darker side of love of jealousy and possessiveness takes hold. It is confusing for many teenagers. After the glorious “falling in love” feelings and then attachment hormones can cloud the judgement. He can become controlling, or physically or sexually abusive. When the “why am I in this relationship? question comes to mind, her memories of the “falling in love” times and the current cuddling hormone and lack of experience make it more difficult to see the wisdom of getting out.

Tips for Talking to Teens about Sex

Countries with low rates of teen pregnancy and STDs deal with sex more openly. If trusted adults, teachers and parents don’t talk openly, the adolescents will get their information from peers or the media. It is important to distinguish sex from sexuality. Sex is about biology whereas sexuality is about biology, psychology, values and spirituality. It is important for you to see your role as supplementing the logic, wisdom and judgement that the teen’s under developed prefrontal cortex requires. Actively listening, validating feelings and show respect will help open up discussions and reduce power struggles.

David Walsh in his book Why Do They Act That Way?, suggests the following tips and do’s and don’ts.
1. Get motivated. If you do not talk to them someone else will.
2. Get educated. Being informed overcomes nervousness and builds confidence
3. Get comfortable. It is OK to admit some discomfort. It will help everyone relax.
4. Make it an ongoing conversation.
5. Don’t try to cover too much in one discussion.
6. Choose appropriate times when there is an opportunity for calm, private uninterrupted conversation
7. Discuss sexuality, not just sex. They need to know about the place of sex in a healthy relationship.
8. Discuss dating as a time to have fun and get to know each other.
9. Don’t preach or lecture.
10. Make it a dialogue
11. Share your values

Do

o Emphasize the importance of respect and honesty in all relationships
o Have regular conversations with your sons and daughters about sex and sexuality
o Communicate the values you consider important in romantic relationships
o Provide accurate information about birth control and STDs
o Get to know your adolescent’s friends so you know who they are influenced by
o Really listen to your teen: their fears, and worries and validate their feelings showing acceptance and love
o Talk to other parents, join a parents group, see a counselor for ideas and support

Don’t

o Don’t get angry or use put-downs about a boyfriend or girlfriend you have concerns about
o Don’t ridicule or make fun of crushes or romantic attachments
o Don’t assume that your son or daughter won’t engage in sexual behavior
o Don’t keep quiet and let the “instant sex” that happens on TV and in movies become the only examples your kids

So, you are feeling bored with your relationship. The excitement of a new relationship has given way to the same old same old? Well, don’t despair! Relationships need to be nurtured. Why not see how the following 52 relationship rev-ups can help. Give your lover the thoughtfulness and dedication he or she deserves. . . hey– you deserve this too; so let’s see if you can’t kick that dull love life into high gear! Here’s what you can do:

1. Try a new nickname for your sweetheart. Sounds simple right? Well, calling your lover/husband/wife by a new endearing name signals that you might have something fresh on your mind. Give it some thought—what have you heard lovers call each other that has made you smile? If you can’t think of anything, listen to how people address one another when they are out in public, or on television, in movies. Think about their hobbies, what they look like, what they love to eat, a special fragrance, places they adore. . . you get the idea. I’ve heard people call one another some very odd names, as well as some really fun names—it has to feel right to you and your partner. Don’t be afraid to try it. A simple “Hi, sexy lady!” or “Hey, loverboy” can go a long way if you are used to calling one another something like “honey” or “sweetie. “

2. Make a meal and serve it in a place other than the kitchen or dining room. You could make Sunday morning breakfast and serve it in bed. Or a picnic basket dinner and lay a blanket on the living floor by the fireplace. You might BBQ and enjoy a dinner or lunch that is all finger foods. Feed one another bites of this or that. Get creative! I’ve heard some interesting stories about food and love for sure. One couple couldn’t get enough quiet time together so the husband brought wine, cheese and crackers and caviar into their master bathroom and they nibbled as they soaked in a lovely warm bath. (chicken, grapes, crackers, veggies could work as well) use your imagination. Take food into the places that your teenaged chidren might think about if they were trying to find a ‘get a way” spot in the house. Maybe the basement or even the garage on a nice day. . . Change the environment, change the mood. I’ve had people tell me that they go on picnics at the cemetery, under a bandshell at the public park, at the playground, near a lake, in their own backyard, or an apartment rooftop. Look for a new “scene. “

3. Massage is a wonderful treat after a long day of work. Get some massage oil that you enjoy, put on some music that is pleasing, spread a few towels on the bed, or the floor, or even a couch. Start slowly and massage your partners feet and legs, neck and shoulders, back and then slowly get carried away and let things happen naturally, A surprise massage session can really make your partner light up. At first they might feel uncomfortable but after a few minutes of deep tissue massage they should succomb to the pleasure or your medicinal touch.

4. Play a game that you haven’t played before in your pajamas. Just get a board game, or a chess board, or cards, or play charades. If you can play together you will find yourselves laughing. Laughter is a wonderful healing tool that relaxes the entire body. There are so many games on the market – there will be something fun and interesting for both of you.

5. Go to a sporting event and discover all of the excitement that a game can bring. There is something about being in a crowd of clapping and cheering people that can really get your heart pumping and your primal instincts surfacing. It’s fun to attend a game that you both enjoy. Even eating hot dogs and soda or beer can be enough of a change from your “routine” to make your partner remember how much fun it is to be with you.

6. Kiss your partner in places you haven’t in the longest while – or maybe ever. We often go through life in a relationship doing the same old things. We might have the same approach in lovemaking or caressing each other. Even that becomes boring – so why not just concentrate on kissing one night or afternoon. Kiss your partners neck and ears and inner thighs. Kiss his or her’s shoulders, fingers, forehead. Feel the closeness and the excitement and maybe even the discomfort of kissing different body parts. Expand your anatomical horizons and just kiss. You might even try making your lips warm or cold. Kiss each other until kissing is just not enough – or leave it at that. Go with the mood – and be respectful of your partner’s wishes at all times. Kissing is a pleasure and tastes and fragrances are always a plus!

7. Watch a sexy movie together. Think about a movie that really had you thinking about sex. It doesn’t have to be an “X” rated movie–one that is sexy but not vulgar. Is there a love story that you’ve always enjoyed, or an action film with a relationship twist that got you aroused? Ask your partner what movie really turns he or she on and just sit and hold hands and watch a movie. You’d be surprised how two people watching a sexy movie can heat things up right on the spot. You might not even make it to the bedroom–and won’t that be fun!

8. Leave a love note. When your lover would least expect it, try leaving a sexy or sweet message on the mirror. You can use lipstick or a simple sticky note to get your message across. What do you say? Try saying something about what you are looking forward to doing later – or how beautiful your lover looks in the morning – or how his or her eyes capture your heart over and over – or how much fun it will be to come home tonight and. . . – or just wanted to say you are the best thing that has happened to me – or – I love waking up next to you every day – or – know that while you are at work I will be having thoughts of what we did last night – or – just snuggling with you last night made all the difference – or – your lips and your kisses will play over and over in my mind all day – or – I know your presentation will be spectacular — or — I’ll be thinking about your smile all day –or –I know I’m the luckiest lady/man in the world because of you –or –you take me to places I never knew existed – or –just you and I tonight–no kids—or simply–I love you!

9. Send a surprise bouquet for no reason. It is always nice to receive flowers or some kind of a gift basket when you least expect it. Thoughtful gestures like this for no obvious reason are lovely and appreciated. Remember the feeling of getting an unexpected gift? When people have been together for a while they tend to forget to send little surprise gifts – and it doesn’t have to cost much at all. Look for specials–or if nothing else you can stop at a local supermarket and bring home an inexpensive bouquet or candy or bottle of wine to share later. It is the gesture that matters most.

10. Celebrate the beginning of something- Has your spouse or lover just started taking a class? Do you have a grandchild on the way? What about a promotion? Change of job? Decision to move? Find things to celebrate and make those moments special.

11. Meet for a lunch date. Often times people go through their work day and forget about the person they love at home–kind of “out of sight – out of mind. ” Make a date with your spouse or lover and meet them during your work day for a quick lunch or a picnic in the park. Make it short and sweet and finish things later at home.

12. Have a “quickie” during the day. If you live within driving distance of your home and can get away for a quick “roll in the hay” by all means do it! Or, meet your sweetheart (spouses and lovers only) at a local hotel for an afternoon delight. For heaven’s sake do not do anything too crazy like get caught having “fun” in a car —you don’t want to end up at the police station. Do-find exciting places for naughty fun!

13. Meet for drinks at a bar/restaurant. Pretend that you have never met before and schedule a rendezvous. Find your lover sitting at the bar and flirt first. Order drinks and just play with the scene. Remember the fist time you met and how it felt. What were you thinking back then? How did you ask him/her out? What was it that attracted you? Dress in a way that is outside your norm. I know some women that have gone so far as to change hair color just for extra fun!

14. Go to a Kareoke Bar and take part! Doing something like this let your partner know that you can have fun and let your hair down. Being silly and singing old songs can be a ton of fun! Have drinks if you wish or not –what matters most is that you force yourself to get up and sing no matter what–maybe the two of you sing a duet–whatever works.

15. Shop for lingerie together. Do you know what your husband/lover likes to see on you before intimate moments? Is he someone who is turned on by just a bathrobe, bra and panties, high black boots, garters – see through neglige? What do you want to see him in? Do you like him to leave his underwear on and take them off for him? What about a towel wrapped around his waist? Shopping for sexy garments can heat things up later.

16. Snuggle on the couch. Lay between his legs, or have his head in your lap. Just rest quietly and try NOT to get aroused. It will be difficult if the chemistry is still strong. Remember the feeling of being a teenager and the excitement that you felt just being next to your girlfriend or boyfriend. Just keep the connection and do nothing other than hold one another.

17. Cook a meal together and entertain a few friends. Working with your lover in the kitchen can be lots of fun (it can also be a nightmare if you make things too involved) Keep the menu simple –Keep the laughter and the mood light. Be with people that know how to have a good time – those that make you laugh. At the end of the evening you will have much to reminisce about before bed. Taking happy memories to the bedroom can create an “up” mood.

18. Leave a sexy voice message on your sweetheart’s cell phone. It is so nice to playback your voice messages and hear your lover’s voice. Make the most of every chance you have to connect with your lover. . . audio, visual, tactile. Flirt with your lover in your message–say something he or she can “expect” later that day or when you return from your trip. Remember being single and all of those things that you would say to gain their interest.

19. Watch home movies together. doesn’t sound sexy? Well, you might be wrong. When you are truly interested in your loved one’s life that includes all the things he or she experienced before knowing you. Afterall, learning about his or her family, school chums, accomplishments, things that were and perhaps still are important to them is good to know. The closer you become on all levels the sexier your relationship will be. Loving someone completely is what true love is all about.

20. Get wet together. Make time to shower together, take a relaxing jacuzzi bath, or soaker tub bath. Go swimming in a private pool, or sit in a hot tub and just relax for at least 20 minutes. No words just glances, just soft touches. If possible add Epsom Salt to the water and just let your muscles relax. . . the peace of soaking in a tub with someone you love is beautiful. Add candles and flowers or some other fragrance to the room. Music (of course do NOT bring electronic equipment near the water) playing in the background can also bring a chance of seductive mood.

21. Sit under the stars and dream together. Just sitting outside under the stars is romantic. Not often enough do we take the time to appreciate the beauty of a night sky. Do some star-gazing—it is literally amazing to contemplate the vastness of space, the constellations, and the infinite possibilities of life in space. Some of the most beautiful skies I have personally seen in the USA were in the following spaces. . . Sedona, AZ, Hawaii – Maui, Colorado – many places, Montana, New Mexico, Upperl peninsula Michigan, Wisconsin, Northern California, Washington – outside Seattle, Oregon and right in my backyard outside Chicago. If you live in the city you might be lucky enough to have a patio on the rooftop. Imagine that of all of the people in the world the two of you came together.

22. Go to the forest preserves for a walk or visit a wildlife sanctuary. Getting out for a walk especially on a pretty path in the forest preserves or in a national park can be exhilorating. Being outside in the sun, holding hands, appreciating nature can bring you closer. Because of work schedules and responsibilities you may not take time to just be amongst nature, the animals, the colors, sounds, the fragrances all add much to the experience. Imagine that not that long ago there were no high rises, no office buildings, really no homes the way we live today. Imagine how different life was then. Talk about that.

23. Visit a mall. There is usually something for everyone at a large mall. Do some dreaming and just window shop, have a cup of coffee – make it something decadent, or some herbal tea, and just take in the scene. Outdoor malls can be alot of fun when the weather permits. Look for something you both hope to purchase one day. . . plan for the future; maybe it is a certain mattress, or a new bedspread. . . or a pair of dress shoes or a briefcase for that new job.

24. Read poetry to your lover- When is the last time you read a beautiful poem? Have you ever read a beautiful or meaningful poem to the person you love? It is very sexy to listen to your lover read a passage from a favorite book or poetry. Find a poem that is meaningful to you and/or your lover –why not even memorize it and recite it if you can. But if not, just keep a poetry book by the bedside and read a line or two a few nights a week – or even just once in a while if that works best.

25. Write a song for someone you love – or write a poem if music isn’t your thing, try your hand at writing a poem and then sneak the poem either under your lover’s dinner plate, or slip it into their briefcase or pocket, or purse. What most makes you smile about your lover? What makes him or her special, different, how do they make you feel? Your lover will be honored that you thought enough to take the time to do something like this. I know some couples that write songs for each other for each birthday. He happens to play the guitar and she plays the piano. Doesn’t matter if you can play an instrument or not – just the lyrics will improve the feelings between you.

26. Visit an adult sex toy shop together: Don’t feel weird about visit a place that specializes in spicing up your bedroom activities. It’s fun and interesting to see all of the gadgets that have been developed to make your experience really hot! There are probably toys you have never heard of—they seem to make improvements all of the time. Whatever you do, always be extra careful about using toys and reusing them. . . disinfect right away and take precaution not to contaminate as you might imagine. There are usually experienced staff members (as awful as that might sound to you) who know how all of the little toys work and which ones might work better for you and your partner. They also have books to help get you in the mood and movies as well. Always be certain that your partner agrees to try something different.

27. Try a sex position that you haven’t before. Yes, there are probably more positions than the average couple can think of. That’s why it helps to look at books, and movies that can give you some ideas. Man on top and girl on the bottom can get boring –just like girl on top and guy on bottom for some couples. Or for those in same sex relationships —toys can make things alot more fun, as can different positions – but you really have to get more creative. Have you ever taken your partner from behind while leaning over a couch? What about having sex while sitting in a chair? There are swings too for the daring. You can face each other and recline on your side with heads on pillow and enjoy a face to face and more comfortable position for a change too.

28. Bring fruit into the bedroom. Sucking on a piece of fruit while your lover watches can be a turn on. Putting whipped cream on your partner, or chocolate, or dusting sugar on that special spot can bring more pleasure and make you stay put a longer time- which is often what women for sure tend to need. Another way to use fruit in the bedroom is to first be certain that you wash the fruit thoroughly, then, put a dark colored towel down where you are going to make love. Squeeze the juice from the fruit – like a raspberry or strawberry onto the genitalia and then enjoy the flavor while your partner enjoys the feeling. Also – taking cooled berries and other fruit pieces into the bedroom to feed to one another and then kiss each other is fun too.

29. Use flavored lipsticks. Lipsticks are good for several reasons – first wearing a flavored (natural ones are best) lipstick is really sexy and slippery for kissing any body part. Then, roll the flavored lipstick over your nipples ladies—guys love that! When your lover walks in the door –surprise him with a wet/wild/rich tasting lipgloss kiss.

30. Go out for appetizers at several different places – instead of having dinner. Restaurant hoping for appetizers is really a sexy and fun thing to do. Try things you haven’t had before and drink different types of wine or beer with your selections. When you come home talk about what you liked best. . . was it the shape, the fragrance, the taste, the combination–relive the experience and enjoy doing something new with your lover.

31. Tell each other your sexual fantasies In relationships we are often afraid to tell our partners what really makes us feel pretty or handsome or sexy or excited. If you could write the most erotic sex scene what would it look like? Who would you be with? Where would you be? What would you be doing? What would your lover be doing to you?

32. Sit by a lake and have a picnic Pack a simple dinner or lunch or breakfast and sit by a beautiful lake in a safe national park or forest preserve area. Listen to the sounds around, feel the sunshine, remember the feeling of being younger and taking your date out after Prom perhaps or for a first sexy date. As you lay on the blanket look at the trees, flowers, birds, the sky and each other as you become part of the backdrop of your surroundings. Just breathing the beautiful sweet air in an area filled with purifying trees and shrubs and flowers can be incredibly sexy.

33. In the winter –go skiing or sledding, or even ice skating if you can. The colors and cool air the thrill of moving downhill as you hold one another is always exciting. Enjoying activities outdoors no matter what the weather is a fun thing to do. Don’t let weather put a damper on your life —bring an umbrella – sit by a fire if you can’t ski, and take part in the apres activities that bring so many colorful people together. Nature warm or cold, dry or wet is beautiful.

34. Sit in a coffee shop inside of a book store and look at new hairstyles with your lover. Think about doing something different. If you find a hair style/color that you both like on one or the other, you might even decide to get yourself a new “do. ” Changing hair colors or styles can do much to punch up your love life. If you have longer hair and cut it shorter, or grow out your shorter cut for something longer -change can be uplifting.

35 Send a romantic greeting card to your lover’s office and be sure to mark it “personal and confidential” incase your partner has an assistant that opens his or her mail. These types of surprises reallly seem to help keep the fire going. Make it a card that says much or little —you know your partner best. Send something that lets your significant other know you think about them even when you are apart.

37. Give each other a foot massage. One of the nicest feelings you can have is a warm foot massage. Take your time, perhaps have some music going – your favorite beverage–ask your partner to close his/her eyes and just succumb to the pleasure of foot manipulation. It can really be the beginning of total relaxation.

38. Shampoo or massage. Ask your lover to put his/her head in your lap and give your parter a scalp massage. Gently rub the temples, the forehead, the back of the head. Just imagine the feeling of having your head massaged when you visit the hair salon. Actually getting a scalp massage in the tub while relaxing together is great. Try this: sit behind your partner and allow he or she to rest his/her head on your chest. Give them a slow shampoo being careful not to get soap in their eyes. You can wrap a small warm handcloth across the forehead to keep the soap bubbles away.

39. Cuddle in bed before you rise in the morning. Wrap your legs and arms around one another – pull in close- hopefully there are two naked bodies touching. If not at least remove your tops so that you can feel the skin to skin contact. It is one of the nicest feelings to snuggle before taking off for your day.

40. Before your partner leaves in the morning – tell he or she what you want to do to him/her that night. Rest assured he or she will be thinking about that all day – or at least on and off throughout the day.

41. Change your typical sex routine. If you always grab her breasts first – start by licking and/or kissing her neck, or ears. Make kissing a longer part of what you do prior to the act itself. Rub her or his inner thighs- start with a neck massage. Take a feather or your finger and just lightly run it over the outline of your partner’s face, chest. Suck his fingers for a few minutes.

42. Eating dinner in an outside cafe can be really sexy. It doesn’t have to be fancy either. Just a sandwich or a salad or soup in the midst of a metropolitan atmosphere can do it. The sunlight on your skin – in your hair – the sounds of the city – the warm breezes- you lightly dressed perhaps showing more skin than usual. Even glistening skin is alluring. Do your hair up and let him see your face for a change – or wear a skirt rather than jeans. Just do it differently and keep life interesting.

43. Sunbathe together. Wear the right tanning lotion – and protect those peepers, but sunbathing can be greatly uplifting especially in parts of the country where sunlight is a hot commodity.

44. Skip work one day or cancel an appointment if you can and go do something with your lover instead. . Maybe it’s a movie, the theatre, a walk by the beach, a bike ride, take a short train ride to a neighboring city for lunch. Cancelling an appointment that can be postponed just to spend extra time with your lover send a wonderful message that you care enough to rearrange your life to keep the relationship hot!

45. Tickle each other – Something simple like making each other laugh and begging your partner to stop can lead to foreplay. Men – foreplay is alot more than simply touching, kissing, and saying sexy things. It starts long before you see her. And women, don’t make things too demanding on the men either. Start romancing each other long before you get home if possible.

46. Garden together – don’t think that’s sexy? Ask some of the people who have tried it. Digging in the dirt and getting down and dirty together is really fun. Spending the day planting some new flowers together and accomplishing a fresh new look and curb appeal is great. It doesn’t need to be grueling either – just set aside a couple of hours on a saturday or Sunday and plant something. Then shower together – and make lemonade or limeade or iced tea to quench your thirst.

47. Take a hot air balloon ride if you can afford it. Do this for a special celebration – birthday, anniversary, new job, graduation. . . It isn’t cheap, but it is something you will never forget. Soaring above the tree tops feeling like a bird gliding through the air is truly exhilarating.

48. Help your lover get undressed. Taking articles of clothing off can really set you up for passion. The anticipation of undressing someone is terrific. So be sure you are always dressed in sexy clothes down to the panties.

49. Order a sex book online and have it delivered to your home. Request brown paper packaging. – look at it together and get creative. It can open your mind for new possibilities.

50. Surprise your lover–with a lap dance or striptease. If you are generally the shy type he or she will be thoroughly surprised. Imagine rubbing up against your partner clothes on – he or she will want to grab you for sure!

51. Write a love letter,,Receiving a handwritten love letter is a wonderful feeling.

52. Take a walk in the rain— on a sunny day and look for rainbows. Kissing in the rain is fun–in fact just plain ole’ walking in the rain without an umbrella is liberating. Never do this if there are thunderstorms or a chance of lightening -but that should go without saying.

You could add skads of ideas to the list above – be creative when it comes to loving your partner. Life is so much more interesting and exciting when you give one another the freedom it takes to make a relationship spectacular. Never “down” your partner for trying something new – appreciate he or she for all of the uniqueness that can be his or hers alone. Most importantly, respect each other and give one another as stress-free a life as possible. Don’t whine about your day – when you come home. Make home life as happy as possible. If there are important things to discuss wait until both of you have been able to unwind from your day.

Love is a gift – appreciate it – savor it – enjoy every moment. Do your part to spice up your relationship no matter how many years you have been together. Surprises never get old if they are different. We can all recreate ourselves each moment – each day. Listen intently when your partner talks – try never to criticize. Hug one another often and say I love you every day. Remember this as well, words are never as powerful as actions – so back up your words by showing your loved one that you mean it.