Olivia's story

Click on the image to see Olivia's story

Rainbow baby Lucas Oliver

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother.She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh andLife ain't always what you think it ought to be, noAin't even grey, but she buries her babyThe sharp knife of a short life, wellI've had, just enough time

Grab My Button

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Last night at about 11, Luke woke up shrieking at the top of his lungs like he has never screamed before. He didn't even want to be awake, his eyes were mostly closed, but he was screaming and writhing like he was in pain.

I tried to calm him down for a few minutes unsuccessfully, then panicked and woke up Joe. My immediate thought was he had managed to swallow something bad, somewhere/somehow and now it was stuck.

Called our pediatrician's exchange which goes to a nurse at Children's Hospital, tried to answer her questions while examining our screaming baby. (By this point he had been screaming at the top of his lungs for about 20 minutes. One of the questions was "is his abdomen swollen?" And Joe freaking said yes, I really couldn't tell, but I went with what he said.) At that point she said, "Ok, you need to go into the hospital tonight."

Since I volunteer at the closest hospital to us, I know that they don't have a children's unit, everything is mostly adult sized and they are not really used to working with very many kids- especially babies. Since I was worried he would god forbid need surgery or at least an xray, we decided to drive the half hour to the nearest hospital (where both babies were born) which does have a pediatric ER and a children's hospital.

OF COURSE, 5 minutes into our car ride there, Luke stopped crying and started dozing to sleep. We started doubting bringing him in (though of course my mommy instincts were screaming to bring him in), but then he's act like he was still in pain and start crying and screaming again every few minutes, then calm down, then scream.

By the time we got to the ER and signed in (the nurse called ahead so they were expecting us), Luke was done crying. He looked around and chatted. He tried to squirm off my lap so he could crawl around. They luckily took us back into a room and got his vitals pretty quickly. He was really really amused by this cord thing they put around his toe (maybe a heart or blood pressure thing? not really sure), there was a spinny thing on the wall so after trying to keep him corralled on a not-baby-proofed-bed where he could have easily slipped through the rails, I let him stand on the chair and spin the toy while I sat behind him. He laughed and chatted and basically just had a good time playing.

The doctor came in and checked him over (barely). Made him scream and cry when she made me hold him down to look in his ears. (I'm not sure why she made it necessary to hold him down to look in his ears. Our pedi has never had any trouble looking in his ears with him sitting up.) His ears are fine, of course. She barely glanced at his stomach/abdomen. And then sent us home. She was nice enough. Thinks it was heartburn. We were pretty sure we were wasting our $250 copay by the time we got there and he started acting normal again, but I didn't feel like he even got a very thorough lookover. It's not like we do this all the time for fun- I've never even called the exchange line. I tried asking her that if he had eaten something, what symptoms should I look for? And she never really answered that at all.

Luke chatted to himself and then fell asleep on the way home. (By now it was 2 am.) I hadn't even been to bed yet (have a quiz today so I was up studying when he woke up.) Luke of course woke up when we took him from the car and wanted to play. Joe was nice (and knew he was calling in today) and took Luke and let me go to bed. Luke wasn't thrilled with that but settled down for Joe quickly. Then we all slept till 8 am today minus a couple of feedings. He is acting fine today though I am pretty sure he was constipated or ate something he was having trouble digesting, judging from his diapers today.

So that will be a fun $250 copay. I am glad it isn't/wasn't serious so we'll chalk it up to a lesson learned.

Not all that different from about a year ago, when I was 31 weeks pregnant and Luke *failed* his nonstress test. Not only was he not active enough, the test strip was downright ugly with a lot of sharp decelerations. It was bad enough that the nurse faxed it to my doctor immediately and sent us for a biophysical profile, which he also did not pass since he didn't feel like practicing breathing and he wasn't especially active either. So they sent us to the hospital, and as soon as I was on their monitors, he was perfect, they watched him for over an hour and he had no decelerations and was very active. Then they did another biophysical profile and he practiced breathing not once but twice in just a few minutes. So they deemed him fine and sent us home. (And obviously it was fine.) Apparently, our baby boy likes to keep things a little exciting with false alarms. I'd rather they be false alarms than real issues, although it would be a lot better if these adventures didn't cost several hundred dollars in medical bills, not to mention taking a few years off my life from the stress!

Friday, March 16, 2012

I am getting really bad about writing. I think maybe bulletpoints will help me actually write and post something instead of just saving and then never coming back to finish it ?

About Luke-

Almost 11 months old! I can't believe it. Joe tried to tell me he was a toddler the other day, Google proved him wrong, thank goodness.

Will be walking soon. We are dreading it.

Hates being strapped down in carseat (but once he is, he's fine.) Also hates laying still (and will not!) for diaper changes. I have gotten very good at putting a clean diaper on a crawling-away-baby-butt.

Loves FOOD. All food. I am guilty as using food as a bribe to get him to sit in his carseat rather than trying to wrestle him for 5 minutes. (Because the second you sit him in his carseat, he straightens his legs and twists all over and screams and even when you pull him back down and try to hold him, it's really hard to hold him down and get the straps on correctly. It's much easier to show him a couple goldfish crackers, and he sits there calmly while getting strapped in.)

is BFF's with our husky, Koda. Koda likes him and covers him in kisses regularly, but also prefers not to be stepped on, have his ears and eyes pulled and poked, etc. We still closely supervise them together and always will, though Koda puts up with more than I expected.

Laughs and smiles and babbles all the time. Saying "mamama" and "dadada". Just started clapping this week (I've been trying to get him to clap for months!) Also will give high 5's but usually not in front of other people.

LOVES looking at pictures of himself and laughs if he sees a picture of me while I'm holding him-he looks back and forth at me and the picture. (I wonder what goes through his little head? Two mommies?)

I started working on a slideshow of pictures/videos for his one year. It made me cry. I can't believe how fast he got so big and busy.

We finally got his freaking 3 month pictures. They SUCK. But I'm glad that it's done with. I have a handful of his 9 month pictures, but our photographer has been really busy helping her friend/neighbor's family who lost their house to a fire, so she hasn't had time to finish them yet (and I am happy to be understanding and wait!)

Other misc.-
*School is going okay. A's so far. I have one easy teacher, and one teacher who sucks but makes up for it with extra credit and counting wrong answers correct. I am learning very very little, but I have A's.
*Volunteering is also going okay. I will finally be done with my 120 hours in mid-April. Looking forward to having 2 nights a week back at home. It's hard to get stuff done when I'm busy chasing Luke all day and then gone 4 nights a week.
*Planning for the Promise Walk is going smoothly. We have nearly already met our goals. If you are still thinking about walking, register soon! Our deadline to turn in shirt orders is coming up soon at the end of March, after that, we can't guarantee a shirt with registration. Also, we are doing a gift card drawing for everyone who is registered by March 20th.
*Missing Olivia, always, but now that Luke is all over the place always, her absence somehow seems even bigger, she should be running around and chasing him and playing with him.
*Have avoided thinking about Luke's first birthday party, because I don't really want to think about him turning one! I really need to start working on invitations though. We are having a BBQ at a park (hopefully the weather will be nice) and so it should be pretty easy to plan, hopefully.
*Am not impressed with 80 degree March. We had to turn on our AC, and I do not like having the AC on already in March, but it was so uncomfortably hot especially for our poor husky, I fought it with fans and open windows and stuff, but ugh. And we've had hail 3 times in the last couple days. It needs to cool off a little bit and STOP HAILING- we have two pretty new cars and I am not amused.
*Joe got sideswiped on the hwy by a new 16 year old driver a few weeks ago. His car was not even a year old yet. They did $4000+ worth of damage and now we can't trade the car in for as much (and we had been thinking of trading it in.) Joe is now dealing with the insurance company and not amused with their crappy diminished value offer so far, especially since he took the car to the dealer and got a trade in estimate before and after the accident.
*Working on weaning Lucas. It's not going great. I am ready to be DONE. He is not so much but is getting better and better about taking bottles again (I think partly because my supply is dropping), we definitely have PLENTY of milk in the freezer and deep freezer to get him well past the year mark, so I am proud that we are getting through a year with no formula. I was happy to make it to the 3 month mark, then 6 months, and 9, and now here we are at almost 11 months and still going.

Okay, our delightful little handful is awake and trying to help me type, so I am going to hit save before he erases all my work.

What is a rainbow baby?

Rainbow baby is the term for a baby after the loss of a previous child.It is the understanding that a rainbow's beauty does not negate the ravages of the storm.When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean that the storm never happenedor that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath.What it means is that something beautiful and full of lighthas appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds.

About Me

I am a former teacher, currently staying at home with our rainbow baby. Our daughter, Olivia Caetlyn, was born at 23w2d on September 28,2009 with a tiny cry and passed away shortly after her birth. (Due to HELLP syndrome, possible pre-eclampsia, and growth restriction.) Rainbow baby Lucas Oliver was born healthy in late April, after a stressful but overall healthy pregnancy. You can contact me at angiew901@msn.com.