My beginning of the first day of the new, uh…urp, president’s term began appropriately – after a restless few hours of sleep, I was jolted out of bed at 3 am with a gigantic charley horse in my left leg. Blissful sleep this night was not to be. So, I dragged my weary self down the stairs, made my morning tea and opened my iPad. JJJJEEEEEZZZZZZUUUUUSSSSS. The first story is about how the FBI, the NSA, and the CIA are using intercepted communications to investigate Cheeto Jesus’s advisors’ ties to the Russians. Several of CJ’s close advisors are under the microscope.

Then there’s the story about how CJ wanted tanks and missile launchers in the inaugural parade. No, really, this idiot actually wanted a North Korean and Russian style parade. Mercifully, the Pentagon said no, but caved on his demand for flyovers of aircraft from all the branches of the military. This is the first time a flyover has been done since Harry Truman’s inaugural parade in 1949.

Then there’s the story that this transition was so poorly managed that dozens of Obama appointees were asked to stay until His Orangeness gets off Twitter long enough to hire the rest of his WH staff. Of the 660 staff he needs to appoint, he’s only filled 29 positions.

Then there’s the story about the Cheeto Interrussian Hotel that has already become an ethical minefield, and is now ground zero for those wishing favors from the new, uh…urp, president by holding huge events there, thus pouring more money into his pockets.

Then there’s the announcement by CJ that his 2020, uh…urp, reelection bid slogan is “Keep America Great”, which just so happens to be identical to the tag line of a horror movie from last year, The Purge, Election Year. That’s right, dear customers, Cheeto Jesus just plagiarized his next campaign motto from a horror flick about election night. You just can’t make up this stuff.

Then there’s the story about Reince Preibus ordering new staffers to not talk to CJ without his prior permission. Oh, and to stay off social media.

BBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA! The irony just seeps out of this one.

This promises to be a dark day. I’m seeing Ms. Jefe off this morning to raise hell in the Women’s March on Washington, then I’m going to start drinking. After all, if you don’t start early, you can’t drink all day.

“We felt that we had to make it known that we didn’t want to seem disrespectful, in any way, shape or form, to Bruce and his music and his band,” Forte says. “I don’t want to upset them. We owe everything to him and our gratitude and respect to the band is imperative above all else. It became clear to us that this wasn’t working and we just had to do what we thought was the right thing to do and that was to pull out.”

Okay, so maybe Clint Eastwood and Gary Busey can quickly form a band. Otherwise, there’s not going to be much dancing at the balls.

This is how bad it is. Trump will lie about stuff that doesn’t matter worth the spit on a postage stamp.

Trump told The New York Times early Monday that D.C. shops have been selling out of gowns, with big numbers expected at the inaugural festivities — in particular, celebrities.

Okay, let me say something here. “Celebrities” do not buy their gowns in Washington, DeeCee. I myself, just a minor celebrity, have been to inaugurations and I bought my gown in my hometown. I suspect celebrities do the same thing.

But, it’s sillier than that.

People Magazine, who are the recognized expert in these areas, called a few dress shops in DeeCee.

“No, we’re not sold out,” Mae Shipe, owner of the D.C. Mae’s Dress Boutique, told PEOPLE. “We have 200 dresses, if not more, in stock.”

Not only, it seems, are dresses in stock, but people aren’t flocking to the stores to pick them up, either.

“We have not gotten a huge influx of traffic specifically related to shopping for inaugural dresses,” Anastasia Thomas, an employee at Betsy Fisher, a D.C. women’s wear shop, said.

In fact, Peter Marx, owner of Saks Jandel, a D.C. area boutique, told PEOPLE that there have been fewer people seeking inaugural gowns.

“There’s never been less demand for inaugural ballgowns in my 38 years,” Marx told PEOPLE.

Give it up, Donald. No celebrities are coming to your inauguration. Hell, you’ve got Kid Rock, Gary Busey, the Duck dudes, and two members of the Rockettes. Enjoy!

The Church of Latter Day Saints announced last week that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will sing at the, uh…urp, inauguration of Cheeto Jesus. The announcement touched off a huge debate amongst the faithful, and 19,000 have signed a petition demanding the church rescind its decision. One singer, though, Jan Chamberlin, has gone further and is standing her moral ground and publicly resigned from the choir saying that if she stayed a member after the appearance in DC by the choir. In a letter she posted on Facebook, she said if she stayed, she “could never look at herself in the mirror again”, and that she “wouldn’t throw roses to Hitler, and could never sing to him.”

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About

Welcome to The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston. I live in Richmond, Texas, in the heart of Tom DeLay's old district. It's nuttier than squirrel poop here.

I am honored and privileged to know Miss Juanita Jean Herownself, hairdresser extraordinary and political maven. Since she does not have time to fiddle with this internet stuff, I type her website for her and you can read it if you want to. If you don't, she truly does not give a big bear's butt.

A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.

This ain't a blog. Blogs are way too trendy for me. This is a professional political organization.