I have the same issue and if I brush it AHHHH!!! It's usually just frizzy poofy and curl less without product but I still have a lot of damage hair that I don't want to completely cut off since I like my length. I think it might be a regular issue on ppl with 3a hair and looser. The tighter the curl the harder it is to disappear but you still need help with frizz and definition. Since I consider it sort of a trait I wouldn't think of it as cheating. It's just something that happens. I haven't tried condition only styling and might give it a try next time.