The Connecticut School Shooting

Asking why in the aftermath of tragedy.

When I first heard the ambulances, I didn't even pause to think about what happened.

I was cooking for Shabbos as my boys ran in and out of the kitchen. When we lived in Israel, I was used to checking the news anytime I heard more than one or two ambulances, but here in quiet, suburban Connecticut, I had stopped doing that.

After the sixth echo of ambulance sirens, I began to wonder what was going on. I picked up my phone to check the news and just kept shaking my head in horror and disbelief as I read about the shooting in a nearby elementary school that left 20 small children and six teachers dead. I was so shocked that I didn't notice my six-year-old standing next to me and peering over my shoulder.

"What happened?" he asked me.

I closed the news story and tried to think how and if to explain the shooting. "Nothing, it's okay," I said, heading back to the kitchen as the helicopters and ambulances echoed in the distance. A couple of minutes later, I noticed that it was eerily quiet in the living room. I peeked through the doorway and saw both my sons with their noses pressed to the window, listening to the sirens rolling through the mid-morning winter light.

Then I heard my son say to his little brother, "Something bad happened, but I don't know what. Shhh, Ima doesn't want to say." And as they stood there, stiller than I had seen them stand for a long time, the questions began to run through my mind.

Why did he do it? Minutes after the tragedy, everyone wanted to know what the killer's motive was. What could possibly be a reason for killing 20 children? Police still haven't figured it out, but people are trying to guess. He was angry. Depressed. Was he on drugs? Insane? People want to pinpoint a motive so that they can somehow understand what happened. But evil needs no motive. It randomly destroys. It fills the world with hatred. It is the opposite of light.

But I have seen senseless, random goodness too. Like the elderly woman who I used to see on my morning runs in the Judean hills, picking up each piece of garbage on the street at dawn and putting it into a huge, plastic bag that she dragged along with her. Each morning I wondered what she was doing. One day I finally asked her and she said, "I'm cleaning the world. One piece at a time." At first I thought she was a little crazy but gradually I began to admire her random goodness. She was making the world better even if no one else saw it. Even if no one thanked her. Even if no one understood why she was doing it.

Why did God let this happen?We ask this question after most tragedies. Why didn't God cause the gunman's car to break down? Or have the kids somehow not be in the classroom? Or have his guns get stuck? God could have saved those children so why didn't He?

I don't know any strong answers to this question, but something that Avivit Shaer said after she lost her husband and five children in a freak fire last year still stays with me whenever I hear myself ask this question. She said that she has many questions for God, but she has begun to understand that God does not give us answers in this world. "It's not that there are no answers. But we humans are not equipped to handle the complexity or wholeness of God's answers. He has eternal considerations."

When I hear someone who has lost her entire family in one night say these words, I can stop my own whys. I can accept that there are answers even though I don't know what they are.

Why is this story in my life? Sometimes we hear about an event and forget about it soon afterwards. Or we dismiss it as too far away to be relevant. But every news story that we read and every event that crosses our paths is meant to teach us something. So what is the message in the wake of this tragedy? Maybe it's that we should appreciate each day with our own children. Maybe it's that we should realize that human suffering is never far away, happening to someone else. It should and does impact everyone that hears about it. Or maybe the message is that we should be sending our kids off to school not only with a sandwich but with a prayer for their safety.

But for me, the most crucial message hit me when I explained to my son what happened.

The ambulances were still blaring when I walked back into the living room and found the boys racing matchbox cars on the floor. I sat down next to them and watched them play before telling my six year old vaguely what had happened in words that hopefully wouldn't terrify him. I asked him if he wanted to say a prayer for the children who were 'hurt' and their parents.

He nodded without looking up from his cars, and then he started singing a song he had recently learned in school. "Esau was coming with 400 men but Yaakov was davening to Hashem." I sat there confused for a moment until my son said, "This is my song for the mommies and daddies. I'm sending them Yaakov's prayer so they shouldn't be scared. So that they should know how to pray for their children. Should I sing it again?"

I nodded as I thought about the words my child was saying. Evil is loud and senseless and comes in an army of 400 men. It comes in the deafening gun shots in a kindergarten classroom. Goodness is quiet. It comes in a prayer that no one else can hear. It’s in the almost invisible steps of an elderly woman cleaning the streets at dawn. And goodness sits behind the scenes in a life like Avivit Shaer's who could have given up and crawled into a hole of grief after losing her family in the fire but instead continued teaching and inspiring her high school students with her rock solid faith and perseverance.

Even though goodness is quieter and humbler than evil, it is far more powerful. Perhaps this is the message we need to hear in the face of such a senseless tragedy: the power of goodness is far stronger than evil. We don't have complete answers to the whys that run through our minds in the aftermath of the second-deadliest school shooting in U.S. history. But we have hope. If every single kind deed that we do is far more powerful than any evil act, then we can at least wake up each morning with determination like the elderly woman who cleans up the world, street by street.

My son's song soon drowned out the sirens in the distance, and I hoped somehow that it reached the parents a half hour away outside the school. I stood by the living room window as he sang and pressed my own face against the glass, remembering the words of Avivit Shaer: "It's about bringing light into the world even when it looks dark." Piece by piece. Song by song. Word by word. Let's rebuild.

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About the Author

Sara Debbie Gutfreund received her BA in English from the University of Pennsylvania and her MA in Family Therapy from the University of North Texas. She has taught parenting classes and self-development seminars and provided adolescent counseling. She writes extensively for many online publications and in published anthologies of Jewish women's writing. She and her husband spent 14 wonderful years raising their five children in Israel, and now live in Blue Ridge Estates in Waterbury, Connecticut, where Sara Debbie enjoys skiing and running in her free time.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 75

(49)
Brad,
December 22, 2012 7:36 AM

Excellent article

Since I have friends in Sandy Hook, Connecticut, I have read many articles about the tragedy. This is the best & most inspired articles I have read.

(48)
Anonymous,
December 19, 2012 7:08 PM

Tears, and Understanding, and Questions, and No Answers

I have tried to avoid "diving into" the tragedy of the "massacre in CN" mostly because I knew it would be so hard to deal with.
I once knew a man who had lost a child. It shook his faith, and it shook his belief, but he persevered. The only thing he couldn't get passed, was the "Why" questions. Why my daughter? Why ANYONE's daughter? Why isn't life fair?
Rightly, or wrongly, I told him (this was already a NUMBER of YEARS after the passing of his child), "Who says YOU get to understand? What, do you have some kind of contract with G-d that says, "Thou art given to understand?" 'Cause, if you DO have such a contract, tell me where to sign.
(It is getting slightly easier to write this reply. I no longer have to stop every few seconds to wipe away my tears.)
No lesser a figure than the Ramba"n [Nachmanides, a Brilliant medieval scholar, Tzadik, and Mekubal], ALSO had questions. Knowing some of the secrets of "Hidden Tora," he worked out a way to get some answers.
The soul he sent to ask these questions came to him in a dream. The Ramba"n got ready to write down the answers.
But, the soul said to the Scholar, "Don't bother Rebbe. All I can say is -- when I got to THIS world -- none of these were questions anymore.
That's our story as Jews. "Ani Ma'amin..." I believe, with a perfect Faith,...that G-d knows what He's doing.
My job is NOT to understand.
My job is to continue to do, to believe, to practice, and to live the life G-d has given me without understanding, and without questions.
I "almost" manage it.
What I *DO* is to keep a list, thinking to my simple self,
"Boy, will G-d have a lot to answer for when *I* get up there..."
But, when I DO make it, I have a sneaky suspicion of a feeling that, then, I'll ALSO know, that my questions aren't really questions anymore, either.

(47)
Tynoos Angelica,
December 19, 2012 3:47 PM

Psychotropic drugs cause psychotic breaks

I note two other readers commenting here echo my thoughts. Too few Americans realize the extreme danger of creating a generation on prescription mood-altering drugs which are as addictive and unpredictable as street drugs. Violent episodes and suicidal tendencies are common side effects (read the package inserts!) It has now been revealed by the LA Times who interviewed Adam Lanza's babysitter that Adam was on "medication" from the age of 10 - likely multiple drugs. I am convinced he had a psychotic break brought on by bathing his brain in chemicals for 10 years. Anti-depressants are now routinely prescribed to even mildly autistic children. Why? Because drug companies promote their products to doctors through financial perks and free samples, support major media through relentless advertising, donate huge sums to political campaigns for both parties, and pay the salaries of FDA officials through enormous drug study fees (not to mention FDA officials own stock in drug companies, a blatant conflict of interest.) Two thirds of our GNP is the medical "industry." Major media will not bite the hand that feeds it and report this problem. By bringing up the politics behind the crisis, I hope to elicit other responses so a serious discussion can ensue. Most if not all mass shootings involve a shooter on one or more of these dangerous drugs. Americans consume 8 times as many psychiatric drugs as the Japanese. Drug companies make a fortune paid for by the blood of innocents. We are rapidly becoming a drug-zombie nation looking for the quick fix (an illusion) conveniently covered by insurance companies who pass the cost onto consumers through higher premiums. If we value our sanity, our safety, and yes, even our wallet, we must address the root of the problem: government and "watchdog" press co-opted by a business that makes so much money off so much misery.

(46)
berale,
December 19, 2012 1:41 PM

all for the boss

in "all for the boss" when rabbi herman's daughter died young and left a house of orphans ruchama asked "why" and rabbi herman's answer was "we didn't come here to ask questions!

(45)
Anonymous,
December 19, 2012 10:44 AM

Beautiful and inspiring

Thank you so much for helping make some sense of such a seemingly senseless tragedy. I also live in the Judean Hills -curious if we were neighbors. I would love to know where you lived when in Israel. Feel free to email me at:
singer_y@netvision.net.il

(44)
Regina,
December 19, 2012 3:51 AM

Rebuild with KINDNESS

Your article is a salve on our wounds. We must all do the work of rebuilding the world with kindness. We should all take example from your young son who sand his prayers for the parents of the children. Each of us has the opportunity to "clean" our little area of the world, "one piece at a time".

(43)
Harry Pearle,
December 18, 2012 4:00 PM

School FEAR Can Help to Motivate Learning !

Beyond the tragedy itself, I get another lesson from Rabbi Weinberg: The Hebrew word yirah means both "to fear" and "to see." Way #6 – Yirah – teaches that the essential choice of life is to open our eyes to available opportunities, and to fear the consequences of avoiding that reality. (48 Ways to Wisdom by Rabbi Noach Weinberg)............I believe that as children and as adults we need an element of fear to learn and to live. Otherwise we become complacent and unmotivated and uncaring............In reality there are always risks for us and for others, if we are ignorant............Schooling, itself is about coping with the risk of ignorance...........Thus we should be constantly learning and growing and sharing what we know...........But in today's society we insulate ourselves with media, comfort and wealth. Our lives can become empty and meaningless........(The letters of the word ALOOF can be rearranged as: A FOOL) If we sense a need and a risk we can become more motivated to learn and to help one another, to LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS AS OURSELVES, beginning in the classroom. See: SavingSchools.org

(42)
Patty,
December 18, 2012 2:45 PM

Thank you

We are given free will to help or hurt. There will always be ways and means to help or hurt. We get to choose which path we will take. Those in our society who are so troubled really need our help so they don't make choices that hurt others.

(41)
David,
December 18, 2012 8:47 AM

a rabbi told me

after such a tragedy we must not dwell too long on why - there may never be an answer - but focus on what we can do now

(40)
Shaindy Pia,
December 18, 2012 12:07 AM

beautiful song

I found it beautiful that your son would think of a song like that to sing. The odds of a six year old understanding that anything can help is so small, and his explanation for the song was, in my opinion, wise far beyond his tender years. Of the many stories I have read,, this is honestly one of the more inspiring. The message: every little thing can help if you have the right intentions. It doesn't need to be a perek of Tehillim or any special written Tefillah at all, but something that has meaning to you.
Thank you so much for sharing that story with me.
Shaindy Pia

(39)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2012 9:02 PM

Even though goodness is quieter and humbler than evil, it is far more powerful.
Thank you for those profound and moving words Sara
May G-D bless both you and your family.

Anonymous,
December 19, 2012 10:55 PM

evil or illness?

in what way is goodness more powerful? i dont understand. one machine gun in one mans hands can do so much more damage than all the people on the planet picking up litter. also, is this event an example of evil? is psychosis evil or a tragic (for everyone) medical condition not caused or controlled by free will.

(38)
Laura Slitt,
December 17, 2012 8:24 PM

I Don't Ask Why, I SEE Why

Why is everyone so surprised at gun violence when, like grease in veins, it is saturated, infiltrated, permeated through-out human "civilization"?
From Charles Mansons to Jeffery Dahmers, to the butcher, BUTCHER, who slaughtered a young boy in Brooklyn a couple years ago, has anything changed in society? Have we looked in our mirrors and asked WHY?
What have we done to ensure this culture that exudes violence from our pours, from what we see on TV, hear on radio, play in video games, wear as fashion, (Fur and leather are so very violent), and accept as normal food, the heinous violence we inflict upon billions of animals every year to eat them...And we are shocked that every now and then, someone snaps!!!
Killing children is social and cultural plague. Yes, this young man murdered, and then killed himself. Hideous violence against innocent people. I can't fathom what they felt huddled in corners hearing gunfire. Perhaps the same thing Palestinian, Israeli, Syrian, Iranian, Iraqi, or any child is traumatized by at the use of humanities largest measure of power, weapons!
Want a safe world for children? STOP investing in weapons and begin the healing, Tikkun Olam, of a world where money, power, militarism, and violence ARE the Golden Calf. Nothing has changed. We are still slaves under Pharoah's at the cost of childrens lives, nature's life, and CREATION'S survival. Want a safe world for children???
Read The World PEace Diet, by Will Tuttle, and stop nurturing the violent side of children that grow up to be war mongers. Read The Holocaust and the Henmaids Tale, by Karen Davis. Learn that violence IS accepted in human culture, nurtured, glorified, watered in every aspect of human culture. Want safety for future children. Teach empathy, compassion, love, and reverence for LIFE...ALL LIFE. We are ALL part of the American dream that turns into a nightmare for children. Ahimsa!!!!

(37)
bunny krout,
December 17, 2012 4:46 PM

Sandy Hook

thank you for sharing your inspiring perspective on this unfathomable tragedy
may Ha Shem grant the families some peace - some day.......

(36)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2012 4:09 PM

It was hard to drop off my 1st and 3rd grader this morning.
Your article is very wise and touching.

(35)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2012 3:12 PM

Why do these things happen

Morgan Freeman, an actor, wrote somethng interesting that appeared on facebook. He blamed the media for sensationalizing these horriific acts. He said, the more unbalanced people see the kind of coverage the shooters gets, the more exciting the act seems to them. He say to forget the name of the shooter, and to remember the name of a victim. I could not agree more. It does not matter why he did it. It is beyond the realm of a normal minded person. Therefore, how can we possibily understand it. Perhaps he preferred to go out of this world being called an evil person, rather than leaving it as a nobody. The bigger question I have, is why did the mother keep an assault rifle in her home, and give her son shooting range lessons? That is a true mystery. I can't imagine what kind of good she was trying to teach him. May all the victims rest in peace.

Phil,
December 18, 2012 6:26 AM

It wasn't Morgan Freeman

A widespread hoax, fyi.

(34)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2012 2:49 PM

here is your proof

1. This is the result of living in a world without torah.
2. You spoil your children. Spoiled children have no pity on anyone. They help no one.
3. You don't teach children about chesed because you don't do it yourself. 4. You let your children watch the garbage on television and expect them to keep the ten commandments? Since when is stealing gum at the candy store ok?
5. You let bullying go on. You buy them designer clothing and they think they own the world. Why is there bullying in religious schools? BECAUSE THEY SEE IT ON TELEVISION AND THEY THINK IT'S FUN.
I am not referring specifically to Jews or non-Jews.
I am saying that their world has so creeped into ours that this is the result.

(33)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2012 12:20 PM

Thank you so much for sharing and bring more light to the world.
Beautiful way to help us understand such sadness.

(32)
Grandma-Me,
December 17, 2012 2:02 AM

I am so sad that so many have suffered.

I guess I am just bit old and a bit fussy. But I wanted to share my thoughts…
I enjoyed this article and seeing so many good comments too. But, I don't think I will ever want to understand such evil. If such evil could ever be understood, I fear more people would want to accept it. Maybe even try to find drugs to cure it. Impossible.
With so much violence used as media entertainment, I think so many become numb until it happens in real life and then we wonder why? If we could get the media to clean up a lot of the garbage they air, that would be a good start.
With the electronic age we now live in, we don't spend much time talking face to face anymore. I see people, especially children, sitting in the same room texting each other so no one else can hear them. Playtime and good conversations with friends and family don't seam to be so important anymore. I remember when whispering in front of others was considered rude.
I miss the old days when everything seamed simpler. The one thing I see these murders have in common is that they all have been described as having problems being social around others. In Adam's case, the news is reporting that he even had trouble getting along with his own mother besides others.
One of the weapons he used was an assault gun she purchased along with 2 other guns. I don't understand why the public is allowed to own assault guns? I don't know much about guns but I tend to think "assault" describes it accurately.
Anyways… my final thought. Maybe we can pay more attention to the people around us and if we can? Offer a smile, say hi, thank you, please, have a blessed day! If Ha Shem dwells in our hearts, may we always share the love we know with those around us.

Linda,
December 17, 2012 12:42 PM

Amen

So beautifully spoken, thank you for your wisdom.

(31)
Sarah Rivkin.,
December 17, 2012 1:40 AM

Good is not random

How do these horrific things happen we always ask. Where was Hashem we ask. Evil exists. Free will exists. Hashem cannot override free will or it isn't free will. The killer had 100 rounds of amunition. Hashem was with the 74 lives that were spared. Acts of evil will always appear random. But acts of kindness and good are not. These are dependant on our free will. For this is it's ultimate use.

Karen,
December 17, 2012 3:11 PM

Thank you

Thank you Sarah for your perspective.

(30)
Beverly Margolis-Kurtin, Ph.D.,
December 16, 2012 11:12 PM

Mental Health is the Problem

As I mourn the loss of the children and the adults who heroically attempted to save their students from death, I also mourn the insanity of the Syrian dictator's military that bombed a Palestinian outpost. Palestinians are human beings also.
The real problem is that people IGNORE that people are insane. The mother who was murdered by her son who she had abused for years, KNEW her son was bi-polar. Yet, as far as I know. Bi-polar people for the most part are not insane, but those who are need to take their medications; if they refuse to take their meds, they should be forced to so do even if it means locking them up. But the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) is at fault because of a decision they made in 1963; they emptied the mental institutions.
EVERY SINGLE MASS MURDER has been done by a mentally ill individual. Guns are NOT the problem. Please take a look at www.bevmar.com. My doctorate is not in psychology (it is in computer science) however EVERY SINGLE attack such as Newtown is performed by a mentally ill individual.
At the moment, I am seeing a psychologist because I have lost my ability to mentally cope with the severe pain with which I live 24/7/365. No drugs can alleviate or even moderate the pain. Some people think that I should not admit that I'm seeing someone who can help me because it has to do with psychology. That taboo MUST be overcome or we're going to see many more massacres.
We all have one G-d, we are all related. This tragedy is NOT something that G-d planned or permitted, a mentally ill person did the dastardly deed. We MUST re-evaluate the way mentally ill people are treated.
I spent the last few days in HELL attempting to get a dear friend to voluntarily admit herself into a mental hospital. She dragged her feet until she had a total psychotic breakdown and THEN she was locked up against her will.
I'm totally disgusted with our laws concerning mental illness.

(29)
Anna Herzog,
December 16, 2012 9:01 PM

the cleaning woman

I knew a woman in the same area in Israel who did the same thing, walking around with a bag and picking up trash. Interestingly; she was a teacher from Connecticut and had had twelve children of her own. A beautiful soul. I haven't heard from her in years. She was in her seventies then and that was between 2000 and 2005. She was such an encouragement to me. I was nearing mid-life and wondering how many useful years I had left. Watching her, I decided that G-d willing I could continue service well beyond what I had thought possible.

(28)
Melvin Bickford,
December 16, 2012 8:59 PM

Automatic weapons

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAT A CAMPAIGN TO STOP THE SALE OR DISTRIBUTION OF ALL AUTOMATIC WEAPONS NOW. NOT EVEN WHY AND YOUR LONG ARTICLE

Dan Frain,
December 17, 2012 3:26 PM

They were not automatic weapons!

Mr. Bickford, automatic weapons are very very rare and very difficult and expensive to obtain. It takes a special permit, about six months time, and many thousands of dollars to legally buy an automatic weapon. You won't find many without a five digit price.
What this shooter used (or didn't use; I've seen news reports both ways) was a semi-automatic that looks like its automatic cousins.
Be honest with yourself, you fear them. They are noisy and ugly and some people do bad things with them. Please, face your fears and learn about using firearms.
Shooting is a useful skill which may someday be a necessary skill. You have friends or family members who shoot, I am sure. Please reach out & ask them to teach you to safely use arms. It can be a fun hobby to poke holes in paper from a distance.
Peace and blessings on all the fallen and all who love them.

Anonymous,
December 17, 2012 5:41 PM

Easy answer to your yelling

This is not a gun problem it is a people problem. No? Ask Timothy Mcveigh.

(27)
WE Alley Jr,
December 16, 2012 8:04 PM

Insights we can all take from this tragedy

I find HaShem looking on - watching the frightened, awakened, shocked to see if they would step out of their own misery to be light and love at a very critical time. The shooter made his grotesque statement - life meant nothing. Others came back louder: we are a community, grieving together, remembering the good in whom we've lost, vigilant in doing better to never let this happen again. During the holidays I dusted off the Maccabees and read accounts of how fast trial, trouble, travesty and triumph happened in Israel in the span of just 20 years. Upheaval was known then, just as now, and the devastation killed the faith of many while others were brave - finding the miracle of the oil, the wisdom of news coming and preparation for battle, the blessing of G-d being bestowed upon those who held fast to Torah and Tenakh and never left off both promises and preparation - in the Temple, for the people, and for the agreements they made. HaShem blessed them all, fortifying it all...even gave rest. This reading is so critical to the faith of both Jews and Christians, if they could only see the significance. Yet, outside of the Hanukkah moments, it just lapses on dusty shelves. And there is where we find our issue, our trouble. When our faith lies there collecting dust all our strength gets buried, and our fears reappear - looking for answers when they're right under the dust!
Knowing Newtown from having worked nearby, it is a peaceable place. The warfare waged was meant to send a chilling signal to all, that nowhere is safe. It will stand unless we stand against it - staring fear in the eye, holding fast to what fears to do bind us and control, and how the Maccabees taught us all that with the Divine, fear is not an option; it is to be confronted and by doing so the wise will learn the ways of how fear can be defeated. America and Israel would not be nations if we were fearful. May we never forget that.

(26)
Anonymous,
December 16, 2012 7:55 PM

Thank you

Thank you for making me understand this tragedy a little better.

(25)
Benjamin,
December 16, 2012 7:14 PM

I will never accept that HaShem lets this happen

The fact that 6 million of our dearly beloved Jews were murdered by the Nazis and HaShem stood by and let it happen is something that I cannot accept. The fact that 1 1/2 mliion of these shoah victims were children is beyond comprehension. Now 20 more innocent children were murdered by another maniac 70 years later. I donot accept that HaShem lets this go and on. Where are you HaShem? Prove to me that your really care by doing something? Bring back to life all of the murdered people, all those killed in wars and accidents.
That would convince me. If you really care then help us! Show us! It has been millions of upon millions of innocents since You created the universe! How many more tears from parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles do you need! We have cried oceans and filled entire worlds with tears! Our cries of grief have echoed even into the next world! Even the angels have cried and mourned! Does this go on in all of your worlds? Is there one world, one universe where everything works out alright? If so then that is the next world. A paradise where noone knows hate, war and killing. A place where you don't need to lock your door and no one even knows what a weapon is. Please HaShem bring about peace your most cherished gift.

Chavi,
December 16, 2012 8:30 PM

Someone who truly believes in G-d needs no proof. For someone who does not believe, all the proofs in the world will not suffice. Why don't you make an appointment with your Rabbi, who will be able to answer all of your questions to your satisfaction? (Yes, there are answers- good ones.)

Susan,
December 16, 2012 11:39 PM

Amen......It is so hard to try and believe.

Amen

Jeremy Lynn,
December 17, 2012 12:27 AM

Humility

Benjamin, maybe a little context. I am almost 50. My wife and I were not able to have kids. I would have LOVED to have had a child to hold and feed and clean and wake up for. And yes, even bury. You so brazenly ask G-d where HE is?!?!? How about saying thanks for having the gift of a child? We are so greedy. So ungrateful. The minute our things are taken away we prove that we so badly took them for granted by demanding them back. As if we DESERVE it.
How about a little humility. How about a little context. My prayers are with these families. I grieve for them. And I hope you understand what I mean when I say I'm jealous of them too.

Marlene,
December 17, 2012 1:22 AM

Bitterness is part of evil.

Benjamin, You sound vewry bitter towards HaSHem and toward his world which he created for us. Bitterness can only create more sorrow and more evil. We are not allowed to know LHaSHem's reasons nor do we know if He "allowed" it or not. Evil is from Satan and HaSHem fights it and mostly wins, but not always. We must admit there is evil in this world and that both the Holocaust and this shooting were evil. DO not blame HaShem, thank Him for bringing us so much good. On your own and with others pray and think of ways we can combat evil. THen, go out and do what you can to fight it!

Zahava,
December 17, 2012 10:49 AM

Evil is NOT "from Satan."

You must be a Christian to have posted this. This is NOT a Jewish idea. Evil is not "from Satan" -- the satan, which means "the adversary," has no power of his own and cannot do anything that G-d does not allow. He is not a "fallen angel," as Christians believe. Like all angels, the Satan carries out a mission from G-d. You can see this in the book of Job: Satan has no free will of his own; G-d gives him permission to torment Job for His own reasons. The idea that Satan is a separate force or "fallen angel" with free will, who exists to oppose or fight against G-d, is NOT a Jewish idea and does NOT come from the Jewish Bible. Read Isaiah 45:7, where it states that G-d "makes peace and creates evil." We can dislike this, we can hate it, we can disbelieve in a G-d who would do such things or be angry at Him for it, we can react however we want to -- but that is what it is, for those of us who are Jews and know the real Bible. Your idea that "HaShem fights evil and mostly wins, but not always" is based in ancient paganism. Why would you even want to worship a G-d who sometimes loses out to forces of evil? I often hate the things that G-d does, because I can't understand how they could be good, but to say that G-d is sometimes powerless against evil is still worse.

Deborah,
December 17, 2012 2:59 AM

Do you believe in G-d or not?

Ho hum.... another person who can't decide if he believes in G-d or not. Face it- if G-d is that powerful, maybe we are incapable of understanding everything he does. My children certainly don't understand everything I do. That doesn't mean their way is right. And if He's not that powerful, who exactly are you mad at?

sonya,
December 17, 2012 5:39 AM

I agree Benjamin.

I agree with you. I wish I could believe.

zs,
December 17, 2012 10:03 AM

your question is not new

Benjamin, you're asking an age-old question that Moses already asked G-d: "Why do the rightous suffer?", and G-d's answer was: "If you want to understand this world, I will have to destroy it", because it's impossible to understand His ways with our limited minds.
If we keep in mind that this world is only a fraction in time and importance to the next world, there are no questions.
Oh yes, we cry and we mourn our suffering and the suffering of others, because we're all human and we have emotions, but questions? Some questions are legitimate and will have answers, others we will just have to let go and understand that if G-d truly is all powerful, it would be stupid to expect here in this finite world to understand everything He does, because if we would, what kind of G-d would He be?

(24)
Tuvia,
December 16, 2012 6:57 PM

Why does it have to take this kind of senseless tragedy to get us to relate to each other? To be in unison with the pain being suffered by the families of those who were cut down by a mad man. The pain of the surviving children and their families will last many lifetimes. A city forever stigmatized will ask “why” for many years to come. My Mother O’H survived Aushwich at 12 years old. When she saw Shindler’s List she shook her head and told me they could never accurately depict the horrors which went on there. No one would be able to watch it! I wish someone would find that common denominator which helps us come together without having to endure horrific tragedies. Until then, our only choice is to try and elevate our spirituality to heights where maybe, just maybe the answers will possibly be more evident. May the Rebono Shel Olam give us this wisdom to understand and the strength to carry on. Our hearts and prayers are with the people in Newtown.

(23)
Carole Clarke,
December 16, 2012 6:36 PM

Understanding Horror

Sometimes there are no easy answers, no explanations. I'm sending this to my sister in rural Oregon, she has a 5-year old grandson. Evil and craziness exist everywhere - we need to stay alert to fight it and protect what we love.

(22)
Sara Are,
December 16, 2012 5:36 PM

It's the innocence of the children

The simplicity of the children, the innocence of the author which she tried to shield from the ugly truth, the lives of the children the teacher tried to save from a violent confrontation. Who would do this to children, we don't know. There is another faith that talks about the mass killing of children at this time or year or so. In some ways there is some precedent for this sorrow. Man-made death is always senseless, when it is children it is so much more atrocious because our minds know there is no possible motive. This other faith also says "Suffer the little children to come unto Me". What we are learning as this tragedy strikes so close to our homes, synagogues, churches and temples is that our grief and humanity is no respecter of persons. The randomness of suffering is only eclipsed by the omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence of the Holy G_d we serve.

(21)
Annette Lipton,
December 16, 2012 5:24 PM

Ms Gutfreunds column on the Connecticut shooting

The writer has a wonderful way with words and
compasion. Her understanding of the here and now and the need of loving our loved ones unconditonally today and every day, brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. My heartfelt condolences to all the families of this senseless happening..

(20)
Michal,
December 16, 2012 5:17 PM

Our childrens minds are poisened

I see with horror, that all computer-games our children play are about shooting. (I see it every day with my grandchildren. "The good fights the bad, and the good one will win and overcome the bad in the end.)
It is all the same, even if the bad ones differ. They are bad "aliens" or "monsters", have different shapes and are more or less ugly. I just do not see other computer games. I asked my 14 year old grandson: "Isn't it boring,
all the time to kill and shoot?" He said: "Oh no, it is not boring, its exciting. It is such a good feeling, when you are better than the enemy and you win!"
When that is stuck in a human beings mind, just a little has to go wrong in the brain, then he cannot see the difference between aliens and first-graders. The import thing is the shooting, where he is used to. - These games should be forbidden. Religion which should teeach people what is right and wrong, is getting less and less important. I am so sorry, when I think of the 20 children and their parents... The only thing I can wish them, is a connection to God. Only then their wounds can heal some day, and they (perhaps after a long time) can be comforted.

John Smith,
December 18, 2012 11:21 PM

I await your explanation for all the violence that occurred before video games were invented

(19)
Anonymous,
December 16, 2012 4:48 PM

reaction from Canada to school massacre

I did not read everything that has been posted on the internet about this tragedy but maybe I have read enough to make some comments, so here goes, May G-d console the mourners and give them strength to bear their terrible losses. I read that the suspect was known to be a loner and somewhat odd, awkward, not sociable and he belonged to a club where the leader or whatever his title is, was aware of this. So, knowing that there are numerous deadly shootings taking place regulary across the U.S. by deranged people, shouldn't this 'leader' have alerted some authorities to check out whether this person has any easy access to weapons
(although he may have had to kill his mother to get the weapons, he had knowledge of where he could get these weapons) and maybe law enforecement officers should have this power to investigate such people (to see if they have friends or relatives who have firearms) and have them undergo a psychiatric evaluation so that at least we'll know who we are dealing with - May G-d have mercy on us and prevent any further sorrow

(18)
Anonymous,
December 16, 2012 4:47 PM

Why did his mother need 3 or 4 guns in her home?

Another shooting tragedy and still the US doesn't get it - it's about the GUNS people! The scale of this tragedy couldn't have been what it is without GUNS. Why is the gun so prized in America? I will never understand that. May Hashem give these families strength.

Anonymous,
December 17, 2012 3:44 PM

It's NOT about guns!

I have several guns in my home. None of the guns I've bought new have ever been pointed at another human being or fired in anger. They are unlikely to ever be. G-d;forbid they should be, but they could be used as weapons if they are needed as such.
It's not what's in a mans hand that's dangerous; it's what's in his heart. I have a friend who's a retired Mossad agent. When 9/11 went down, he told me he didn't need a knife or gun, he 'd cut a throat with a credit card.
I was skeptical, as I'm sure you are, but quickly learned that in less than a minute, I could turn a credit card into an edged tool with which I could cut a steak. If I had evil in my heart, or a need to defend myself or others, I COULD use it to cut a throat.

Anonymous,
December 18, 2012 1:28 AM

It IS about GUNS!

To "It's NOT about guns!:You would never be able to cut 26 throats with a credit card in just a few minutes. The average person living in North America is living in a place of mostly law abiding civilized citizens. Even you admit you have never needed to use your guns. How many times a day does anyone NEED, really need a gun, never mind a semi-automatic one. Most policemen hardly ever need to draw their guns. Some of them never do in their entire careers. We have seen too many tragedies when they fall into the wrong hands. At least ban semi-automatic guns - that would limit the damage for sure and it is the morally right thing to do.

Anonymous,
December 18, 2012 11:23 PM

Norway's tough gun laws did not prevent the shootings by Breivik

(17)
Tsivya,
December 16, 2012 4:43 PM

Extraordinary article

This is beautiful. A thoughtful line of reasoning. Thank you.

(16)
Anonymous,
December 16, 2012 4:40 PM

Not part of G-d's plan

I think it's a cop out to attribute the actions of Adam Lanza to G-d. It's too simplistic to shrug and say, "Well, we can't understand the complexities of His plan, so don't try." Besides, do we really want to associate G-d with sending a monster to murder 20 children and 6 of their protectors? Don't we expect more from G-d?
It seems more logical to conclude: 1. We are given free will - unfortunately, Adam Lanza used his free will to commit a horrific act. 2. G-d does not mandate or endorse acts of evil. Indeed, acts of evil result from the absence of G-d in the consciences of the perpetrators. They do the evil entirely on their own. 3. Acts of goodness and heroism are the will of G-d and are often (maybe always) inspired by G-d. G-d doesn't make us do something good (there's that free will again), but He does strengthen our ability to do so, if that's our inclination and request. 4. Thus, prayer won't directly stop an evildoer from succeeding, but it might give the forces of good the strength and perseverance to prevail, in the long run.

(15)
charles hoffman,
December 16, 2012 4:13 PM

piety, and its limits

there will always be evil in the world; there will always be unhappy, or otherwise disconnected young men.
but we don't have to give them the tools to commit mass murder in acting out their frustration

(14)
Dov,
December 16, 2012 4:12 PM

life is so, so precious

Thank you, Mrs Gutfreund for what you wrote. G-d, not I, is incharge of the outcomes in this world and always. And as we sit with our innocent and sweet 6 and 11 year old children, I pray that we use our time wisely, for life is indeed short. It is the shortest thing there seems to be - cuz we usually want it and expect it to go on forever. Endless opportunity, endless time. As though I will always be able to show my children a Torah-learning father 'tomorrow'; or really work on myself to be a great parent in 'the next interaction we have' for right now I am too angry, too many of mu buttons have been pushed.
It does not work that way. Now is the time, this interaction is the one we share. Time is good - and short. The time for me to practice loving - real Jewish loving - is only right now.
And those children and parents had their time...life is short and wonderful. May Hashem help me do everything I can just for today, to live this time well for myself, my wife, my children and for Hashem's people.

(13)
David Spellberg,
December 16, 2012 4:08 PM

It is a tragedy

There are no words to describe this horrible event but as Lisa above feels to limit guns is the wrong answer. It should be that teachers are armed like in most schools in Israel and schools should not be giun free zones here. It allows these sick individuals too much time, as they always go to areas they know are unlikely to fight back. You never see them try this in a police station.

(12)
David,
December 16, 2012 3:40 PM

Excuses...

"It's not that there are no answers. But we are not equipped to handle the complexity or wholeness of God's answers."
Honestly, I cannot understand why anyone would accept such an argument. We just celebrated Chanukah, and asserted a belief in a God who steps in and makes the good guys win. What ever happened to that God? This mysterious one who ignores evil and has really good reasons for killing children but doesn't share those reasons isn't very inspiring sometimes.

(11)
Harry Pearle,
December 16, 2012 3:24 PM

Shooting Lesson: ANGER COUNTS !

The shooter must have very angry (as you suggest). This reminds me of Rabbi Pliskin's book:" ANGER-the inner teacher"................ In fact, life isn't fair. People often do not listen to reason. At 71, I get angry at people who will not listen to me. But in Rabbi Pliskin's book. page 270, he suggests counting from one to ten, or to twenty or to fifty.......... What this suggests to me is not just counting in a mechanical way, but counting the number of times we have been frustrated, over and over, again, or the duration in time of the frustration. Perhaps, next time, we approach someone, they will listen to us and we will get some relief.............Maybe, if we keep trying and trying and not take any destructive action, it will work. Perhaps next time, Hashem will hear our cry for help..

(10)
Allan F. Hyatt,
December 16, 2012 3:17 PM

Very touching.

Thank you for sharing...your six year old son appears to be wise beyond his years.

(9)
Thoughts,
December 16, 2012 3:16 PM

Boycot Hollywood

Watching violence desensitize is. Violent movies should be out Lord

(8)
yehudit r,
December 16, 2012 3:12 PM

your son's beautiful words

Your son's prayer that he was sending the parents so they wouldn;t be scared and would know how to pray for their children brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes helping another to pray or to cry is the only thing we can give them.

(7)
David,
December 16, 2012 3:12 PM

wonderful article

Isn't this also the message of Hanukkah? The lights of Chanukkah (when this tragedy occurred) are small but the power of what they represent is exceedingly large.

(6)
Rifka,
December 16, 2012 3:09 PM

You're efficient

Wow, you managed to write such a beautiful article in one day (considering that you don't write on Shabbos). Very impressive.

(5)
Rebecca Chesner,
December 16, 2012 3:04 PM

My thoughts and prayers are with these families reeling with pain from this horrendous evil act of violence. I burst into tears when I heard about this mass shooting. Somehow when most of the victims are small innocent children, it hurts even more. I agree with you when you say that we all must find a way to add light/kindness and random acts of goodness to help heal the world. However, I respectfully will add that we must start having active dialogue about the decadent violent culture that we live in and start addressing what we are going to do about it. The violence that is promoted on our TV screens, movies, video games and music is taking it's toll on society. In addition, while I do not know if this monster had been on psychiatric drugs, (though previous history indicates that many mass shooters in the U.S. have been), we need to start looking at the horrible side effects of these drugs, SSRI's etc., since many of them can cause mania and suicidal and homicidal ideation. Unfortunately both Hollywood and Big Pharma are part of the problem. Who will be courageous enough to help make a difference and help change the unhealthy direction that our nation is heading towards. We must not forget, we must use this latest act of violence to truly learn from it and help make a difference for the better! Let's do it for the memory of these 26 precious victims!

Diana Cohen,
December 16, 2012 4:24 PM

We are All One with God

I believe that the Shema means we are all One with God; we are either in the fullness or absence of God . They are both God. That man was in the absence doing the best he could. We have in us the absence but we chose not to be it. It is hard but we chose to come from Love or Fesr. When we chose Love we love All unconditionally , including this poor lost soul . I love children and mourn these innocent babes. However, I chose io accept everyone knowing this is the best they can be at this moment and with compassion forgive them. It is a cooperative world . We pray for all involved and are One with God and all souls in this Universe. This has taken a lot of self acceptance and work on myself to come to this place . I believe Now is the opportune time for all to shift from fear to love. From my mouth to God's ears.

jack marcellus,
December 16, 2012 4:59 PM

Who will have the courage?

Your comments are right on point I have been trying to discuss this "drug abuse" topic for years. Far too many kids are being put on dangerous, addictive, psychotropic medications behind the veil of controlling "disruptive behavior" I have proven over and over there is a healthy solution in most cases yet the greed will not allow eyes and ears to be open to anything but the flow of trillions of dollars that is destroying an entire generation of young people. Indeed, who will have the courage to speak truth to power? Peace and Strength to the families in Conn. and all of us who have hearts that care.

Anonymous,
December 18, 2012 11:25 PM

Before movies, video games and music were invented, life was idyllic and children laughed and played and had gumdrop smiles

(4)
Lisa,
December 16, 2012 3:03 PM

Scared, yes.

I recently came back from a quick visit to Israel. Many said dont go because of the most recent missles from Gaza. My 2 boys are there, so nothing would have stopped me. Aren't you scared many would ask, then I hear about the massacre in CT ,shootings in the Malls & let us not forget 9/11. Yes, here in the States I am scared.

(3)
Lisa,
December 16, 2012 2:14 PM

Evil?

Evil as an explanation? Maybe. Or maybe it's as simple as a culture where children spend countless hours playing violent, graphic video games, becoming desensitized to the image of blowing humans away, but addicted to the concomitant feeling of power; have access to weapons in a country that refuses to control them properly in the misguided name of "personal liberty"- and does not give mental health issues the response it needs. To me, all these considerations bespeak evil as well.

Robert,
December 16, 2012 3:38 PM

YOU ARE A VICTIM WAITING TO FOR YOUR MOMENT

This is not and never has been an issue with access to weapons. The weapon is the human mind, not the object that is selected. If you were right, then then England with their complete ban to firearms would be crime free. Mexico, with its complete ban to firearms would be crime free. HOW CAN YOU BE THAT NAIVE? Evil exists in this world, there is no doubt of that. Blaming the weapon used is a cop out and you know it. Crowding our children in a building and declaring it a gun free zone INVITES this act.
What was Israel's response to school shootings? Put armed guards in the classrooms, and arm the teachers. The shootings stopped. Paper shool policies are not a deterrant. It is only a lame attempt at bolstering a notion of false security.
No utopian-based wishfull thinking will change the fact that the only way to stop this kind of heinous and unthinkable act is to have an immediate armed response. The shooter did not kill those children, WE DID by allowing a useless policy to take the place of REAL protection. There is nothing wrong with wanting a better world to live in. But abdicating our personal responsibility to protect ourselves and our children with the effective tools available IS A SIN.

Cincinnati,
December 16, 2012 9:31 PM

Agree

This is an other example of the law of unforeseen consequences. It should be noted that criminals support gun-control laws. That way they can be sure that the honest, law abiding person is unarmed. Criminals do not care if their firearm is legal or not. It is a shame to politicize a tragedy. The victims were "taken" regardless of political agendas.

Rachel,
December 16, 2012 6:52 PM

I couldn't agree more

It's too soon to know what happened, and with the shooter and his mother both dead, we may never know what caused his rampage. But the shooter who tried to kill Rep. Giffords (and instead succeeded in killing several others, including a little girl) is now on much-needed medication and reportedly has expressed remorse over what he did in the grip of his mental illness. "Evil" can sometimes be a too-easy explanation for failure to recognize and treat severe mental illness before it crosses the line into violence.

Anonymous,
December 16, 2012 8:38 PM

And in China,where guns are outlawed, a man used a knife to slash school children!

Lisa,
December 16, 2012 9:31 PM

You, you, you, you, your- literally.

Robert- Your response is rife with personal attack. "I'm a victim waiting for my moment." Which moment? "I'm naive". "I'm copping out and I know it." Really distasteful. My comment wasn't discounting evil- it was pointing out other potential factors at play. It is my opinion (as you are entitled to yours), that there are an array of possible causes leading up to a massacre of 27 people in 2 minutes with an assault weapon. His mother had a gun collection including semi-automatic weapons. Why does a suburban housewife need a weapon of war? The shooter is said to have had a "personality disorder". Query what kind, whether he was being treated and the quality of the treatment. Ironically, your final statement states my position exactly. " But abdicating our personal responsibility to protect ourselves and our children with the effective tools available IS A SIN." Yes, I argued that it's evil not to control terrible weapons and not to treat mental illness. Peace brother. We're all on the same side. Why don't we debate the subject without resorting to personal attack?

My Christian friends are always speaking about “faith.” To me this sounds a lot like blind faith. Is that really the essence of religion?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I'm afraid that this is another case of a Christian concept being mis-associated with Judaism.

Let's first define our terms. What is faith?

Webster defines faith as "Belief without proof."

What is knowledge? "An acquaintance with truth, facts or principles through study or investigation."

Faith is usually a product of desire. Have you ever gotten a tip on the market that guarantees you're going to triple your money in a month? A lot of smart people have gotten fleeced because they ignored the evidence and went with their feelings.

Knowledge, on the other hand, is based on evidence. We know there's a place called China because we have too many products in our house saying "made in China." There's a lot of evidence for the existence of China, even though most of us have never been there.

Judaism unequivocally comes down on the side of knowledge, not faith. In Deuteronomy 4:39, the Torah says: "You shall know this day, and understand it well in your heart, that the Almighty is God; in the heaven above and the earth below, there is none other." (This verse is also contained in the prayer, "Aleynu.")

This verse tells us that it is not enough to simply know in your head, intellectually, that God is the Controller of everything. You must know it in your heart! This knowledge is much more profound than an intellectual knowledge. God gave us a brain because he wants us to think rationally about the world, our role in it, and our relationship with God.

A conviction based on desire or feelings alone has no place in Judaism. The Hebrew word "emunah," which is often translated as faith, does not describe a conviction based on feelings or desire. It describes a conviction that is based on evidence.

Once this knowledge is internalized, it effects how a person lives. A person with this knowledge could transform every breathing moment into a mitzvah, for he would do everything for the sake of the heaven. But this is not a "knowledge," that comes easily. Only intensive Torah learning and doing mitzvahs can achieve this knowledge. Every word of Torah we learn moves us just a little bit closer to that goal. And everyone is capable of that.

To learn more, read "The Knowing Heart," by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto (Feldheim.com). This entire book is an explanation of this verse!

In 350 BCE, the building of the second Holy Temple was completed in Jerusalem, as recorded in the biblical Book of Ezra (6:15). The re-building of the Temple had begun under Cyrus when the Persians first took over the Babylonian empire. The re-building was then interrupted for 18 years, and resumed with the blessing of Darius II, the Persian king whom is said to be the son of Esther. The Second Temple lacked much of the glory of the First Temple: There was no Ark of the Covenant, and the daily miracles and prophets were no longer part of the scenery. The Second Temple would stand for 420 years, before being destroyed by the Romans in 70 CE.

You shall know this day and consider it within your heart(Deuteronomy 4:39).

Business people who are involved in many transactions employ accountants to analyze their operations and to determine whether or not they are profitable. They may also seek the help of experts to determine which products are making money and which are losing. Such studies allow them to maximize their profits and minimize their losses. Without such data, they might be doing a great deal of business, but discover at the end of the year that their expenditures exceeded their earnings.

Sensible people give at least as much thought to the quality and achievement of their lives as they do to their businesses. Each asks himself, "Where am I going with my life? What am I doing that is of value? In what ways am I gaining and improving? And which practices should I increase, and which should I eliminate?"

Few people make such reckonings. Many of those that do, do so on their own, without consulting an expert's opinion. These same people would not think of being their own business analysts and accountants, and they readily pay large sums of money to engage highly qualified experts in these fields.

Jewish ethical works urge us to regularly undergo cheshbon hanefesh, a personal accounting. We would be foolish to approach this accounting of our very lives with any less seriousness than we do our business affairs. We should seek out the "spiritual C.P.A.s," those who have expertise in spiritual guidance, to help us in our analyses.

Today I shall...

look for competent guidance in doing a personal moral inventory and in planning my future.

With stories and insights,
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