Sister, I know how it is because I've been there. The world is screaming "calm down" but you know that that's not an option. You want to scream, swear, stomp your feet, pout, binge watch netflix with your favorite comfort food, curl up in a ball, cry, and make the world revolve around your pain. Well guess what? You should.

I am a firm believer that you must pity party first, and kick ass later.

Ugly Self-Care is a THING!

To some people, self care means putting on your favorite facial mask with a bath bomb. However to a lot of us, self care means ugly crying and screaming at the "master creator" for what they have done for you. I call this "ugly self-care" but in reality, it has the most beautiful results. Let me tell you why this works:

You cannot overcome a victim mindset without first thinking like a victim.

You cannot live a happy and productive life with pains and challenges clouding your brain.

It is okay to experience emotions; they are natural.

If you do not let yourself feel, your body and spirit takes on the burdens of the emotional body.

The Victim Mindset vs. The Hero Mindset

Be the hero in your story and overcome that victim mindset.

A good story begins with a naive character, the challenge that they endure, and their heroic rise to overcome. A victim mindset is someone who is naive, faces a challenge, and lives in the realm of things like "why me" or "story of my life." They believe that unjust things will always happen to them; thus attracting more negativity into their life. To be a hero, we must first be the victim. Experience victimhood. Figure out your escape. Figure out the obstacles you have to overcome. Turn yourself into a survivor.

Best Way To Move Clouds Is To First Storm

What happens when the sky is overcast? You pray for it to just rain, thunder, lightning- anything!!! to bring back your beautiful blue sky. Let your body cry it out, let your body scream it out, punch a pillow, do what you need to do to recover. If you keep those pent up emotions inside, your brain will suffer. The Director of the Psychiatry Research Lab at St. Paul-Ramsey Medical Center states, "People say they feel better after crying and our data shows this is so." Frey's studies have proven that crying is the body's natural response to any sort of stress, and that many feel comforted and relieved after letting it out. It has been shown that lack of tears can contribute to stress and brain disease down the road.

If you don't let it OUT, your body and aura take on the burdens of keeping it pent up inside

Built up anger, aggression, and stress lingers in the energy body and can cause migraines, tension, and inflammation. It can also contribute to poor gut health like indigestion and constipation. Not to mention your energy suffers greatly. Your aura will be clouded. People will come into contact with you less and less because your energy is no longer compelling. Friends may disappear or treat you differently. Your subtle body will suffer.

Observe Your Emotions, Then Let Your Emotions Pass

There is a great meditation known as "Leaves on the Stream." In this exercise, you take every thought you have and place it on a leaf floating down the river. This allows you to observe that thought or emotion, and watch it pass. Learning this technique can help you in your day-to-day life by not beating yourself up for experiencing an emotion but also not holding on to that emotion. It helps you separate yourself from that emotion by extending an awareness, and also can help you detach from it to let it float away. Listen below.

Set this as your phone background for a peaceful reminder whenever you check the time or texts. Leaves on a stream mindfulness exercise will help you observe and let go.

It is human nature to feel, and dangerous to push our feelings aside. To delve into your emotional responses is the ultimate form of courage and strength. To let the tears pour out, the cries and screams be heard, to let yourself be in a state of darkness. Once you are submerged in the darkness you will be able to find your way to the light easier. If you harbor these emotions within you for too long, they will escalate and worsen. PLEASE allow yourself a pity party for whatever bad news you have experienced... and then conquer from there.

When Does the Pity Party End?

Deadlines are so important! This will help prevent you from letting your pity party spiral out of control into a prolonged state of depression and victimhood. Mine is anywhere from 1-3 days then you can begin faking it. You may not be completely healed, but you will feel a lot better. Over time, faking it can help you return to your normal self. It can help patch up the holes that were left open after such a big release of emotion. It can replenish your soul and counteract the difficult emotions that you just experienced.

What is Your Ugly Self-Care / Pity Party Ritual?

I LOVE to hear from my readers! Let me know what your go-to ugly self care routine is or how letting it out has helped you feel good enough to conquer your goals and kick ass!

A soul tribe is different than a friend group, but are way more important than a friend will ever be. Have you ever wondered how to know if someone is a soulmate to you or why certain people are a part of your tribe? If moving around a lot has taught me one thing, it is that Soul Connections show up in funny places, are there in different ways, but may not always be part of your active life.

Who Are Your Soul Connections?

Soul connections... These are the people you can text at 2 am after going months without talking to, these are people who you have met only once but have impacted your life in a tremendous way, these are people you meet online and just connect with without any awkwardness, these are people who have caught you at your roughest time, and have helped guide you through.

I believe everything is part of a greater plan. I believe the Universe is mapped out and everything we experience is based on karma and ascension. Soul connections are different than friends. Friends may stay in your life forever, they may also come and go. You may cherish a friendship, but there is no depth, intensity, and synchronicity like a soul connection. Soul Connections are deeper. These members of your tribe are drawn to you at specific points in your life. I am big on "DOT CONNECTING" and all my friends/spiritual connections are reading this right now in my LOUD voice. DOT CONNECTING is where you go through a difficult and challenging situation, maybe even traumatic, often heartbreaking, and never easy... As you look back you say "wow I wouldn't have been able to do that if ____ didn't happen or if _____ wasn't around." Pivotal points in your life attract your soul tribe. These spirits are drawn to your authenticity.

They will show up at times that strengthen and shape your character because these times will reveal to you your true self; your soul connections SEE your true self and can serve as a reflection or introduction of your true self for you.

The truth is, although there are signs that someone may be a soulmate, you may never know where this person is hiding. It is important to trust and rely on the people that you have crossed paths with no matter what. Everyone is there to bring you a lesson. You may never know which of these people is your true soul connection until you have endured the designated chapter with them.

The Universe will give you a member of your soul tribe when you are challenged deeply. Pay attention to those around you when you are at your rock bottom.

This person may have gone through the same thing already or may have a different perspective. Keep an open mind when you feel a deep connection with somebody.

They are like angels in a physical vessel (yes you are an angel for someone else too!) At these times of struggle, the universe will send someone your way. It may take a LONG time for that person to show so if you are going through a challenge - do not fear that you will continue to be alone just because you are now. Sometimes you must also look around at the people who are there. Sometimes people who have been in your life before will show up again as a soul connection.

Karmic Soulmates: Help you overcome ego pain and aspects (most often from a past life).

Past life Soulmates: Someone you feel comfortable with no matter length or location of friendship; teach you about your true self.

Twin Flames: Someone who may mirror you and break the barriers of other relationships you once knew.

Whether or not the soul connection you have just met is in your life temporarily, loosely, or close to you forever - know that they are a significant part of your growth. They have supported you and your journey, helped you heal, been a confidant, and provided you a new checkpoint so there is no remission into a darkness that once was. They have helped lift you up into a new chapter. They have helped you ascend into a new you.

Empathy 101

Let’s begin what does Empathy mean? It is defined as, “The capacity to share and understand others emotions and needs as if they were our own” (Dale, 2014). Empathy can be expressed in many different Empathic styles, and nearly anyone can cultivate or develop Empathy. You can experience Empathy through different manners such as Physical, Mental, Emotional, Natural, Spiritual or Shamanic styles that utilize this Empathic Spiritual Gift. A Spiritual Gift is an innate or natural psychic ability that you possess, and Empathy falls under this term. A quote from C. Joybell declares, “Our bodies have five senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, hearing. But not to be overlooked are the senses of our souls: intuition, peace, foresight, trust, empathy. The differences between people lie in their use of their senses” (Dale, 2014).

Physical Empathy is described as, “The capacity for sensing another’s physicality in your own body” (Dale, 2014). Through Physical Empathy you absorb the physical energies present in the external environment. This might be through sensations like aches, jarring pains, taste or smelling aromas. Even though you may be connected to these vibrations the sensations can actually warn, impede, or alert you to be more careful, deter, or make aware of what could happen to you by empathetically feeling it from an external source. Those who experience Physical Empathy tend to take on the physical pains of those around them, and they may even feel the bodily symptoms or illness in their own body, and they might even know where exactly in the body it’s occurring. They can sometimes hold an object and experience strong sensations. One example of this could be if you hold a piece of antique jewelry that someone has worn frequently and, in doing so, you sense the physical pains and pleasures from the person that owned the jewelry, and you also become lightheaded or nauseas this is Physical Empathy in action.

Mental empathy is outlined as, “receiving information and data from the outside world and seeming to simply ‘know’ what someone else knows” (Dale, 2014). This is the gut feeling the inner knowing, hearing, and seeing. It’s the sense that tells you what to pay attention to, and basically the mind-body connection in action. There is a general understanding within your body, and those who encounter Mental Empathy often understand what is motivating someone, even if they don’t know or understand themselves. They might even find it difficult to explain to people how they might possibly know what they know. They are able to read between the lines and know what people are really thinking or saying, and it’s easy for them to get a sense of another person’s perspective even when they don’t know that person well. Mental Empathy is knowing exactly what information to pay attention to.

Emotional Empathy is expressed as, “feeling another’s feelings as if they were your own” (Dale, 2014). Indicating clear feeling, and clear sensing. This form of Empathy is communicated through feelings, stirring emotions and urges that make you want to help out. You know exactly what to pay attention to and what to do, and can usually tell what is wrong with someone even if they don’t speak about it. Those that experience Emotional Empathy are more sensitive to the moods, and feelings of others and might feel a wave of strong emotions from time to time. These feeling represent its own meaning, and provides a set of instruction. For example, joy affirms, sadness encourages, anger suggest it’s time to set boundaries, fear means you think through an idea and prepare, guilt examines behaviors, and shame might imply feeling stuck. One example of Emotional Empathy in action might be when a random person approaches you and shares the deepest secret or feelings they have for no real reason whatsoever.

Natural Empathy is classified as, “Relating to nature-based forces and creatures” (Dale, 2014). Everything in nature gives off a vibration, and everything is alive with vibration, voice, scent, and sight. Natural Empathy understands the world is shimmering with life yet breathing life into us. Natural Empathy is identified as the happiest when in harmony with nature: earth, water, and the sky. They can often tell what animals are going through physically or emotionally. They also can tap into environmental sources of information including planetary shifts, weather patterns, emotions and needs of animals, and caring to herbs and plants are all used in Natural Empathy for healing purposes to predict weather or environmental situations before it occurs. Natural Empathy for example can be seen through the symbolism of an animal or through the winds, sunbeams, and even rain. Each animal represents a different concept in reality and has a specific meaning, For instance if a you saw a crow the crow is labeled as bringing change, so if you were to dream about or maybe see a crow this might infer change is on the horizon.

Spiritual Empathy is termed as, “Intuitively feeling another person’s level of honesty or dishonesty” (Dale, 2014). Spiritual Empathy is like having a sensor that responds to any shift in moods, and can always tell when someone is lying or being dishonest. The body serves as the vessel to register the spiritual information, but there is no physical jarring like physical empathy, or emotional wash like emotional empathy, or even the mentalism like mental empathy. Spiritual Empathy might encounter feeling the presence of nonphysical beings, and spiritual messages can be received through meditation, contemplation meaning being in the presence, or praying to the divine to provide discernment. Spiritual Empathy consists of thinking that we are all here to fulfill a destiny and are here to help people figure out their purpose. A lack of ethics and integrity is something that will bother a Spiritual Empathic person more than anything.

Shamanic Empathy is specified as, “The Empathic style that includes all other styles as well as the ability to contact other dimensions and time periods” (Dale, 2014). Shamanic Empathy incorporates every sense of empathy Physical, Mental, Emotional, Natural, and Spiritual. Shamanic Empathy perceives spirit everywhere and in everything, and at times seem to be more aware of the nonphysical world, dimension, and beings than the physical world. They can tune into other dimensions, beings, times, places, and even space. Most feel like a stranger on this planet and feel hard to really tune into the world around, and most often feel overwhelmed by their own psychic sensitives to people, animals, objects, and even spirits. Shamanic Empathy possess a multidimensional awareness of others past lives, spiritual presence, and even knowledge about what might have occurred on a piece of land or in a house. They are those that always go through déjà vu about the pasts, and past lives. Those with Shamanic Empathy can do it all which is a blessing yet a curse at the same time.

Once again Empathy is characterized as feeling an external sources feelings and emotions as if it was your own whether it be through a Physical, Mental, Emotional, Natural, Spiritual or Shamanic scope. These Empathic gifts are psychic and energetic abilities that facilitate subtle body experiences of Empathy. Any person can improve their Empathic capabilities, and while others might believe Empathy is some sort of curse you can’t control, others find it as the most powerful blessing that a person can have. Those who experience Empathy feel that deep passion, and inner call to ease or feel for another person. As Sam Levenson wrote, “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands: one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”

About Jessica Danforth

Jessica is a student pursuing mental health therapy at Florida State University. Her understanding and mastering of her own empathic gifts help her relate to others and shed love and compassion in a way that others are receptive to. She is the perfect example of how empathy is less of a weakness and more of a gift that can bring unity.

A note from And Zen Some:

My favorite healing stone for empaths to use is Labradorite! Labradorite shields your aura against energies that drain you, repairs holes from any leakage, and boosts your energy back to a good place. It also allows you to share your compassion without feeling drained. Remember, empath, there is a REASON that people feel drawn to you. Help them - but use Labradorite to help yourself. You can read more about Labradorite by clicking HERE !

One crystal I never shut up about is Amber... which actually isn't even a real crystal. Amber is fossilized tree resin, but it still gives off AMAZING energy and health benefits for all ages (babies too!)

I used to work at a crystal store and we carried Amber teething necklaces. You would be amazed at how many couples came back with their little ones to rave about how amazed they were at how the Amber really helped! The stories our staff would hear were amazing - like the crystals gave the little ones immediate relief. So awesome!

If you are interested in buying an Amber teething necklace, PLEASE BE SURE to be cautious while shopping. The photo above is from a reputable seller with amazing reviews and genuine amber. Don't believe me? Read her reviews! You can shop from AmberAndHaze by clicking right here or the photo above.

Checklist for Amber teething necklace shopping:

Is it safe? (Just because someone can string amber on elastic doesn't mean they should! knotted is the way to go with a safe clasp.)

Is it from a reputable seller? (read the reviews, read their bio, get in contact with them!!!!)

Is it genuine amber? (acrylic and glass do not do the same thing, friends.)

I suffer from TMJ pain... well - not anymore I should add. I stopped experiencing the pain that comes along with grinding your teeth after I slept with Amber. Folks - I could have went with Amethyst, but that crystal can really mess with you dreams. I could have went with quartz - A "master healer" - but it keeps you awake. I could have went with any other crystal but I figured if Amber works for a baby's teeth, I'm sure it will work for mine. The next morning after trying this I had NO pain in my jaw! I do not sleep with the crystal anymore and haven't in two years and I have no issues with this anymore.

I do wear Amber almost every day as a necklace, around my waist, or as a ring. I have struggled with terrible sciatic pain and back pain and every time I wear Amber I notice significant difference.

I wear this crystal during my moon cycle. WOMEN - This is one of the best healing stones for period cramps and pains that I have ever met in my life. Wearing it against your body during your moon cycle helps your feminine nature realign. Say goodbye to terrible PMS symptoms... This crystal has got your back!

Amber is amazing for the digestive system (find out more here!), reproductive system and fertility, endocrine system, physical pain, and so much more! It is also an amazing stone for enhancing creativity, joy, and personal power. This crystal identifies with the Solar Plexus and Sacral Chakras.

Hi Friends! (Disclaimer... this story is TRUE.) It has been a crazy couple of months for me and I'm sure many people can relate. It is not my first time being in a low - so I know what to do and how to fix it. I do a lot of manifestation but wanted to see how quickly I could really accelerate it. I figured I want my life to change, so I might as well give it a shot.

First of all, let me start out by addressing the issue that needed fixing: EVERYTHING. Primarily the city I lived in and my job. I knew I wanted to move but I had to wait until January for my lease to be up and then of course I was concerned about where to go and whether or not I would like it there. Finances are always an issue too. How do I know I can get another stable job if I locate to a new city? My stress was at a high. So I said the magic two words - "F*** IT" and started to create my ideal life.

Step 1: Figuring out your next step.

I was attached to the idea that I wanted to move to South Florida...no Arizona... no New Mexico... you get the point. And the problem with having so many dreams at the same time is the Universe has no idea what you want. If you don't know what you want how can the Universe ever help you get there? So the hardest part is figuring out a linear plan. For me that is somewhat impossible so I at least chose the next step and picked a city to live in. Once I picked a city, I started noticing people around me helping me in small ways: offering boxes to move, offering to help me search for apartments, offering to show me around the city. I was amazed at how one decision already helped me feel like I was moving there. But there was one issue - I didn't tie up loose ends! So that brings me to...

Step 2: Wrapping up the last chapter.

Ok so I didn't have a lease signed... So I knew what I had to do. And on the night of the Sagittarius Full Moon, I said those two magic words again and wrote my landlord. My lease did not end til January - but I said I can't wait that long! Is it impulsive or irresponsible? Maybe, but they ended up negotiating and allowing me to close off on the lease early and even adjusted some terms on the lease. This brought more clarity, more direction forward, more action, and inspired the universe to help get me to where I'm going - not stay where I am.

Step 3: Power of thought, words, and prayer.

Rewind... Two days before the full moon (the day I made the decision on where I wanted to be) I had looked at apartments all day. I didn't see any I liked and that's because I still was struggling to figure out what I wanted. I named the city, but I didn't know how else my life should look like. So after having a meltdown and eating my feelings in sweet potato fries (hooray for vegan bar food), I said you know what - let me just put this out there. I said "I am coming back here in four days. The next place I look at is going to be the apartment I sign. I'm gonna have the gut feeling when I walk in there and I'm just gonna know. And then I will look at a few other places after, but I will revert back to the first place. Now the Universe knows it and so do I."

I kept this affirmative thought in my mind. I told everyone I spoke to that same thing. I got some "okay rae" eye rolls, but I knew it would work.

Step 4: The Power of Magic and imagination.

On the night of the full moon, I wrote that same idea down on paper. I told the moon exactly how I wanted to feel when I stepped inside. I told the moon exactly how I wanted the apartment to look like. I told the moon the price I was willing to spend... I kept my Citrine crystal close as it holds no negative energy to prevent me from reaching my dreams, and it is the ultimate manifestation crystal.

The law of attraction only works when you create a clear image of what you want. If you ever wake up in the morning and say "I hope it doesn't rain, it looks like it's going to rain, I don't want it to rain..." The universe hears "RAIN RAIN RAIN!" If you say, "it doesn't look like it will be, but i want a sunny day! I want clear blue skies and sunshine." The universe says "oh okay, sunshine! I know what that looks like too." (We can't control weather but we can try.)

SO this is why I told the moon and my crystal: affordable, clean, safe, washer and dryer, pet friendly, a pool, an OPEN LAYOUT - I was excessive maybe...

Step 5: Let the magic happen - and notice when it does.

When I came back to visit, I called my list of rentals and I said "what time are you available - just give me a time." They all coordinated and I let the universe do its thing. I walked into the first apartment and it was EXACTLY. WHAT. I. WANTED. It was exactly what I described, it was exactly what I had manifested, I felt the way I wanted to feel when I walked in. Keeping an open mind, I did of course look at the others and they even had better reviews but they all ended up being horrid. I noticed signs like I'd fall over, or the tour guide was giving off an uncomfortable vibe. So I signed my lease, and made plans to move to the new city.

I guess what I can say is sometimes you feel hopeless - like no amount of anything will work. The law of attraction sucks sometimes when you are down. The law of attraction takes time, patience, and clarity (and I and many people I know do not have ANY of those things.) However you must FORCE yourself to believe that it will work... it worked for me in just five days. And now I am ready to create the life that I designed for myself and the universe helped me achieve. Thank you for reading - happy manifesting!