Reclaim Cyber Monday: Cyber with people, not vendors

What is up with people thinking they can turn shopping events into holidays? Listen, Black Friday is bad enough. The mindless capitalism that occurs when swarms of people, hypnotized by commercial jingles and promises of outrageous sales, wake up at the crack of dawn and book it to shopping malls so they can spend money they don’t have on stuff they don’t need is beyond embarrassing — it’s disgraceful.

Now marketers are trying to take the concept of Black Friday and apply it to ecommerce sites, calling it Cyber Monday? And it’s actually catching on as a legitimate Day? This shit has got to stop.

Sorry, Don Draper wannabes, but you picked the wrong term to attempt to convert for your profitable purposes. See, “cyber” already has a definition. In fact, it has many. But the one we all know and love has nothing to do with shopping. It’s about getting off with someone online.

Capitalism, you can take my paychecks, you can take my home, you can probably take most of my dignity. But you can’t take my favorite activity and turn it into a fake shopping holiday.

It’s time to reclaim Cyber Monday.

From here on out, on the Monday following thanksgiving, don’t buy anything from ecommerce sites — especially the ones advertising “Cyber Monday” sales. Instead, if you get an impulse to buy something, stop and think about the true meaning of the word “cyber.” Reach out across the internet and type to your special someone that you’re thinking about them, naked. Right now. And it’s making you so hot you can’t concentrate on anything else.

If you also would like to reclaim Cyber Monday, take this pledge by either reblogging this on Tumblr or tweeting it with the hashtag #reclaimcyber.