Wobert - Okay, so his name is really Robert, he can't say it right either. An idealistic hedgehog who just joined the Feebles.

Lucille - One of the few other "nice" people and Wobert's true love. She's some sort of pooch.

Heidi - The hippo, talented star of the Feebles Variety Hour show. Goes off the deep end and slaughters a horde of other puppets with a machinegun.

Bletch - Walrus manager of the Feebles, he uses and abuses others - including Heidi. Massacred in a big way by his ex.

Trevor - The dirty rat, literally. Sinister assistant to Bletch he's been dealing drugs to the other puppets and making pornos in the basement. Loses a quickdraw contest to Heidi and becomes ratloaf.

Wynyard - Frog who came back from Vietnam hooked on pretty much everything, he even has flashbacks at times. Manages to impale himself during a knife throwing performance.

Harry - Rabbit, a famous actor who believes he is dying of a STD for most of the film. (He likes bunny menage a trois'.) Finds out it's only "bunny pox" at last, walks out into the hall, and Heidi blows his head off.

Sebastion - Gay director of the Feebles Chorus, a homosexual and extremely hyper fox. (As in the animal.)

Barry - Bulldog enforcer for Bletch, a huge spider bites his head off.

Arthur - The worm, one of the other "nice" guys.

FW - The fly, a reporter for the local tabloid out to find dirt on the Feebles. Bletch flushes him down the toilet.

Sidney, Sandy, and Baby - Sidney is the elephant, he trains these little furball things. Sandy (a chicken) is taking him to court for child support, he denies it's his. She has her head blown off during Heidi's rampage. (Of course the dead body runs around.)

Samantha - Slut cat who has been having an affair with Bletch, loses all nine lives to the machinegun.

Cedrick and Louie - Warthog and mangy dog, both are drug suppliers who Bletch kills for trying to rip him off.

Abi - Indian contortionist whose head gets stuck in his rectum, finally pops it free in time for a bed of nails to fall on his head.

The Plot:

The Muppets never acted like this group of miscreants, not that we know of. Possibly the most disturbed puppet show ever filmed and definitely not for kids, of course the machinegun toting hippo on the cover should convey that idea.

"The Feebles Variety Hour" is going to air a special live performance, tensions are high, things could get ugly.

Into the harsh world of real life show biz stumbles Wobert, ready for his chance at live theater. Boy is this theater alive, Bletch has managed to hide his affair from Heidi until the cat starts taunting her with it. Heidi really gets upset, retreating to her dressing room and binge eating. Good old Bletch just goes on with his business, planning to replace his main hippo with the slutty Siamese after the television special.

Fortunately for the doe eyed hedgehog, not everyone is corrupt and jaded. (darn near, but not all). He soon falls in love with Lucy and wins her heart with a serenade. There's a bump in the romantic road when Trevor drugs her drink and takes advantage of her (Wobert walks in), but in the end they make up. The same can not be said for Bletch and Heidi, he dumps her in a most humiliating fashion, she then proceeds to go high and to the right. Grabbing an M60 machinegun and massacring everyone in sight high and to the right. Possibly one of the most amazing scenes in history where you have a hippo walking around and gunning other puppets into hamburger, oh she gets Bletch too.

First and foremost I'd like to say I never need to see ANY puppets having sex again. I thought anatomically correct Cabbage Patch Dolls were too much - that's nothing compared to seeing a cow engaging in S&M with a bug. In a similar fashion Sebastion's "Sodomy Song" and dance routine was totally warped, it's something else, you try watching a gay fox thrust it's pelvis at the camera. All of this accompanied by soft music and stage props which really frightened me. Did I mention the fly sitting in the toilet, on a um, floater? Oh yes, digging in with a spoon and chowing down while asking Harry if it's one of his (evidently had a carrot aftertaste).

Things I Learned From This Movie:

You don't want to see a walrus having sex with a cat.

Fish should never conduct casting calls with a walrus, especially if they suck. Shellfish should avoid them even if they don't suck.

Female hippos are well endowed.

Having someone vomit on you can wreck a golf swing.

Cows are into S&M.

Never let a heroine addicted frog throw knives at you.

Last thing I needed to see was a fly eating shit with a spoon.

Frogs fought in Vietnam.

Your head can fit inside your rectum.

Hippos and porch swings don't mix.

Never snort bleach.

Stuff To Watch For:

2 mins - What did that rat just say? Get the kids out of the room!

8 mins - Love at first sight, are dogs and hedgehogs compatible?

12 mins - Wobert, you cannot talk worth a darn.

17 mins - That puppet is urinating.

18 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST PSYCHEDELIC TRIBBLES!

26 mins - Little bunny three way hopping through the bedroom?

33 mins - Uggghhh...

57 mins - No way a cat is doing that to Bletch...

76 mins - Heidi, you are a hippopotamus. A stronger rope than that is in order.

84 mins - Hippo with a machinegun, RUN LIKE A BITCH!

Quotes:

Cedrick: "It's a lovely course; I'm tempted to join the club myself." Bletch: "No chance of that I'm afraid, Cedrick." Cedrick: "You mean they discriminate against Scots?" Bletch: "No, we just don't like assholes in the clubhouse."

Wobert: "I thought you were nice." Lucille: "I am nice." Wobert: "No your not, you're loose! And you dwink!" Lucille: "No..." Wobert: "You're nothing but a loose lush Lucille and I never want to see you again!"

Ok, this puppet film is both a riot and an insult to the world of puppetry. Kermit and Miss Piggy sure never had it as rough as Bletch and Heidi. There were many hilarious moments, like the borax scam(Dennis didn't melt quite right, but Louie the Wolf sure shrivled up nicely LOL) and the whole story with Wyniard the Frog/Lizard(from his Vietnam story to his drugs, it's a hoot!). But there were its revolting parts too(it's not what the puppets do that's gross, but some of those puppets are hard to look at without vomiting.), and it was kinda sad with Heidi at the end when she asked Arthur the Worm to play "Garden of Love" one last time. But some of the enjoyable parts came from Sebastian and his rants("Bravo everyone, you've all mutilated that number rather nicely!" and "Right now, I feel very, very OLD!" are my favorites.), plus his "Sodomy" song must've have made infamy for sure LOL. My final word is that you'll feel both ashamed and good after watching this film.

So brilliant. Mind you, we here in Oz ain't all that surprised... Kiwis and Aussies share a rather disturbed sense of humour. Just look at Gollum's spray during the MTV Movie awards and remember that Peter Jackson directed this film.

I saw this freakin' movie like four or five years ago. It was ok as far as puppet fare goes. But it got such a hype from friends of mine that I was expecting the absolute most hilarious, sickening movie of all time. I do remember this: the next day I missed the bus to return the flick and I smacked the tape on my noggin. I f%ckin' cracked that b***h. Oh well. If I saw it now I would probably apreciate it so much more. Definately a sick sick film and worthy of a screening.

This s**t is messed up! What the ****?! Jim Henson is rolling over in his grave! Oh...and where do I get my copy of it!! LOL!! p**sed that PJ'll be rememebered for LOTRs and not Bad Taste and THIS!

Too bad it seems to be oop :(

...hold on there! I found it at half.com for $8.95 :) but have heard bad things about the current release (crapy video and full frame ugh!). Comeon PJ! Oversee your classics in their DVD release!! Set your high lotr standards!!