Pages

Friday, February 29, 2008

definitely NOT one of my favorite things

I got bit by a grasshopper.

I'm not sure I thought that was possible. I realize grasshoppers eat grass and such, and that in swarms they can cause mass destruction, but I don't think I ever thought a grasshopper would turn that destruction my way.

I was wrong.

A grasshopper hopped into our living room this morning. Noah screamed like a scared little girl and jumped on the couch. (Keep in mind that our living room was occupied by four little girls, none of whom screamed.) Once he calmed down, he spent the next half hour trying to discover, from the safety of the couch, where the grasshopper was, and wondering if Bob was going to eat it. I think he really wanted Bob to eat it. Then he saw the grasshopper again. He screamed like a little girl again. Then he ran into his room (with Abbey close behind, again, NOT screaming even though she IS a little girl), slammed the door, and refused to come out as long as the grasshopper was still in the living room. He almost peed himself because he was afraid to go to the bathroom--afraid the grasshopper was secretly stalking him and waiting to attack when his pants were down.

I assured him repeatedly the grasshopper wouldn't, couldn't hurt him. I attempted to reason with his unreasonable fear. I, of course, was radically unsuccessful. Finally, out of boredom or perhaps curiosity, he agreed to come back into the living room. Guess what he found?

He screamed like a little girl again, pointing at the innocuous, yet rather large, grasshopper. But finally I, too, saw it, so I snuck up on it, grabbed the grassy-looking hind end, and proceeded to take it to the front door and throw it out. This is kind of a big deal for me because I'm not all that fond of touching bugs, except maybe ladybugs. I have, however, grabbed a grasshopper in this manner before with no ill effects.

But do you know what this particular grasshopper did? First it kicked at me with its feet, which was no big deal. But then it turned around and started gnawing on my thumb with its little mandibles or whatever. And it kinda hurt. I hoofed it to the front door, flung it open, and shook my hand with all my might, hoping to God the thing wouldn't jump on my face and start gnawing. As soon as my hand was free, I slammed the door.

And now I've learned my lesson. Noah was right: grasshoppers are evil and to be feared, and the next time I see one, don't be surprised if I scream like a little girl and quarantine myself in my room.