When I was eight or nine, I wrote a new version of Peter Pan for the school play. They didn't use it – I imagine it was unperformable – but as recompense for not doing my script, I was offered any role, and instinctively went for Captain Hook. I came on trying to be terrifying, but everyone laughed at me.

What was your big breakthrough?

Not long after that, two girls offered me threepence in class to show them my willy. That was certainly my first professional engagement; I didn't have another one for about 10 years.

Who or what have you sacrificed for your art?

Quite a lot of liver cells. There's not many places of work where you arrive and everyone's drinking heavily – but that's what it's like in a comedy club.

You're very attached to your London roots. Do you think it's important for comedy to be rooted in a sense of place?

I think it's often extremely helpful. It's a game you play: a lot of Geordie comics do jokes about being Geordie, and the same for Scousers. To most people, I'm a Cockney, and I'll play that up a bit: they imagine I speak in Cockney rhyming slang, and if need be, I will.

Why has there been such a boom in comedy in the UK recently?

Because comedy is cheap to put on: if you've got a play or an opera, there's a whole load of people and a set, but comedy is just one man or woman. And because TV has learned to love comics – there's so many more around now than when I started out.

What's the worst heckle you've ever had?

A bloke poured a pint of urine over me once. It was in a club in Edinburgh, where the whole audience was completely out of their heads. It sounds bad on paper, but I don't think he really hated me.

Is there anything about your career you regret?

That I've not made myself write more. Performing is easier: you finish, and people clap and want to sleep with you. You finish writing, and no one's even noticed.

Which other artists do you admire?

Leonard Cohen: he's a poet, he has integrity, and I can slightly impersonate him.

What's the most important thing you've learnt from your years as a comedian?