GOOD THINGS IN THE DARK

Be vulnerable or go away by Clara Bee Lavery

Today I’ll walk home as the sun sets.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times: the fall time change feels like the official beginning of Seasonal Affective Disorder season. Yes, I loved that extra hour of sleep. But tonight will be tough and I know it.

It took me by surprise, but this year’s big feeling isn’t sadness, it’s anger. I’m mad that I can’t seem to find the energy to get anything done in the evening. I already miss summer night bike rides. I understand why all my friends are hibernating at home instead of out and about, but I’m wishing for more excitement in my life.

Making time for a cappuccino and knitting in the morning. Cafe window seat forever. Those balls of yarn are going to be mittens soon.

I am just going to try my best to give myself what I want.

That’s all we can do, right?

Dating a person who helps me keep my own FEEL YOUR FEELINGS & DO THE WORK advice. Forever grateful to be able to talk things through rather than feeling pressure to be okay no matter what.

Buying new fall-scented candles to give my apartment that extra cozy feeling. Yes, I am fine with how cliche that is. For laughs, tho, please see “What your scented candle says about you” at The Toast.

Had coffee with my brother at a cafe in his Toronto neighbourhood this week. Somehow, it had a great music selection & a cute back patio and stocked my favourite semi-obscure booze brands. Possibly my only superpower is the ability to track down hipster cafes in unfamiliar places. If you’re curious, we were at BELL JAR CAFE.

Also, this thing where my brother and I are both cool adults who are friends is pretty awesome. We laughed a bit about how somehow we both grew up to be workaholics who are very bad at making money in any conventional sense. Check out NO FUN PRESS to see what he’s up to.

For once, my horoscope is telling me to just ASK FOR WHAT I WANT because if I do life will get more fun and exciting. Okay, horoscope. Usually it just tells me not to be an asshole so this is such a refreshing change. Actually, that’s advice I want to give you, too. Be willing to hear no, but also, ask for what you want! The older I get, the more I realize that my own preconceptions hold me back way more than external limitations ever would.

I was reviewing some of the writing I’ve done about the strategies that work for me in terms of minimizing the effects of depression in my wintertime life, and I thought maybe you’d appreciate the reminder, too.