So before you even send her a friend request, take a look at your own profile. Make sure you’re using a clear photo of yourself and not some animated character or random picture of nature. If you have some inside joke as your “middle name”, change it so it doesn’t look strange. Make sure your place of work is accurate so she can identify you.

If you’re not Facebook friends with her but you have mutual friends: Are there any pictures or something else interesting on Facebook that involve the two of you? Perhaps you both went to a festival with mutual friends and there’s a picture that has both of you tagged in it. Commenting something general about the event will at least let her know you exist. Try doing something like that before you send her a friend request so she has an idea of who you are.

If you’re already Facebook friends with her: Consider asking her out via another method instead of Facebook. If you’re too nervous to do this, send her a message letting her know that there’s an event going on this weekend and you thought she might like to go. Don’t make it into a “date” and don’t put any pressure on the situation. Ideally, you should gather some friends together to go so it’s a group of friends, not a date.

Hi Molly, I’m Josh! Facebook told me that we both know Sarah and I remember talking to you once at a Smash Mouth concert. Have you heard their newest album?

This lets her know who you are because you have a mutual friend and discusses something that you’re both interested in right away.

Since you’re now friends on Facebook, take a few minutes to review her profile and see what she’s interested in. Check the About tab on her page to see what she went to school for and what her current job is. Some people add their favorite quotes, media, or random details about themselves in the Details about X sidebar, but this isn’t too common.

Take a look at her recent photos to see what she’s done lately. Anything you can learn about her that gives you something interesting to talk about is key.

If you’re attempting to ask a girl you don’t know out, try something like this as your first message:

Hi Haley! I’m Mike. We haven’t met, but your profile came up as a recommended friend in my Facebook feed and you caught my eye. I saw that your profile picture shows you at the Grand Canyon — is that the first time you’ve been there? I visited there with my family last year and it was one of the coolest places I’ve ever seen.

4. Ask Her Out, Appropriately

After you’ve chatted a few times, you should stop and gauge the interactions so far before proceeding. When you’ve messaged her, does try to respond in a timely manner? Is there back-and-forth conversation or do you tend to get one-word answers like “Yeah” and “OK”? Has she expressed any interest in you or does it seem like she’s simply putting up with you?

Consider these questions carefully. If you’ve had a great time talking with this girl and feel like she’d be receptive to meeting up, give it a try. But if she doesn’t seem interested when you’re making pleasant conversation, she likely isn’t interested in a date.

Norah, I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you over these past few weeks and I’d love to hang out in person if you’d be up for it. What do you think about meeting for coffee at the Starbucks on Oak Avenue this Saturday afternoon?

Note two important facets of this: meeting in a public place, and giving a specific time for a date. You don’t want to ask her to go up to your grandparents’ cabin in the woods with you for a weekend — that’s creepy. It’s also important to avoid generalizations when it comes to the details of the date. Don’t leave it open to “hang out sometime” — mention a specific date so she can give you a straight answer.

After you ask her, it could play out in a few ways:

She deletes you as a friend and/or blocks you. Should your request bother her so much that she decides to remove you as a friend, you need to let it go and move on. Don’t complain to your mutual friends about her or try to conjure up some scenario to talk to her again.

She doesn’t respond. If this is the case, wait a few days. Then check in Messenger to make sure that she saw your message and isn’t away on vacation or something. If she’s seen it but hasn’t responded, you can follow up one time: “Hey Norah, I just wanted to check and make sure you saw my message!” A lack of response to this means that she’s not interested. Do not attempt to contact her again; leave her alone.

She says no. Don’t argue or ask why. You can say something along the lines of “No problem, just thought I’d see if you were interested!” Then it’s up to you whether you continue chatting with her or not. If you try to continue making conversation and she seems distant, it’s probably best to move on.

She gives you a vague answer or excuse. Sometimes, to “let you down easy,” girls won’t tell you “no” when you ask them out. Instead, they’ll provide an excuse and leave you wondering if you should pursue the matter further. In this case, you should follow the Brad Pitt Rule:

She accepts. If she says she’d be delighted to go, that’s great! Confirm the details with her so you’re on the same page. You should also ask for her phone number so you can get ahold of her if something happens on the day of the date. Enjoy your time!

5. A Few No-Nos

We’ve walked through the steps and potential pitfalls of asking a gal out on Facebook. To finish up, let’s discuss some methods you should avoid. Trying to get a girl’s attention with these will make you look like an idiot, make her uncomfortable, and not end well at all.

Don’t send boring and generic messages. Don’t make your first message to the girl you’re interested in “Hey”. Not only is this boring and tells her nothing about you, it could also set off “spammer” flags in her head. Be unique — she’s worth more than an introduction you came up with in two seconds.

Don’t act like your life depends on this. Be casual about the experience. You’re just talking to a person.

Under no circumstances should you “poke” her on Facebook. We’re not sure why this feature still exists. Don’t use it.

Have You Ever Asked a Girl Out on Facebook?

Well, there you have it. A start-to-finish guide on approaching a girl on Facebook, chatting with her, and asking her out on a date. It’s possible to do, though it’s probably not the best method.

Thus, we recommend that you use any other available method at your disposal to ask a girl out that you have interest in. If you have her phone number, give her a call. Ask a mutual friend to introduce you in person. Messaging on Facebook is decent for getting to know basic details about someone, but it comes with a lot of problems. Keep that in mind when you decide what to do.

We’d love to hear your stories. Have you ever asked someone out on Facebook? Has someone ever pursued you through Facebook? Do you think asking someone out on Facebook is okay? Tell us below in the comments!

The easiest way to pick up a woman over facebook is to add her, then ignore her for a bit, don't try and message her right away, it will make you look desperate.

Check her profile, see what she is into, and then casually post memes with some relation to her interests... it will put you on here radar and she will probably start liking your posts.
From there, you can also like or comment a few of her posts and put clever or thoughtful things that will set you apart from the tons of other guys trying to pick her up. After a few back and forth meme wars or comments, wait a few days and then go in for the messaging... by this point she will have an idea of what you are about and you won't seem so random or unknown. Good luck, and these tips have helped me pick up girls, gain new friends, as well as get in very close with engaged and married women... trust is everything and you have to gain their trust first.

Ben is a Deputy Editor at MakeUseOf. He holds a B.S. in Computer Information Systems from Grove City College, where he graduated Cum Laude and with Honors in his major. He enjoys helping others and is passionate about video games as a medium.