Did Russia Hack the Brexit Vote?

In yet another confounding twist in the turbulent relations between Russia and the West, a committee of British members of Parliament has suggested that foreign governments such as China and Russia might have intervened in last June’s Brexit referendum. After a voter registration site crashed on June 7, the U.K. government and electoral administrators blamed a spike of users for the technical failing. Following a televised debate, 525,000 people applied to register to vote on that day alone. David Cameron promptly extended the deadline by 48 hours but, despite his response, it has been suggested that thousands of people could have been left unable to vote.

The claims, published Wednesday in a comically-titled report named “Lessons learned from the EU Referendum,” said there were indications that botnets had been used to overwhelm the site. “The crash had indications of being a DDOS ‘attack’. We understand that this is very common and easy to do with botnets,” reads the report. It goes on to question Cameron’s “questionable” motives for calling a referendum in the first place, encouraging future governments to think carefully about offering nationwide votes on certain issues. “There was no proper planning for a Leave vote so the EU referendum opened up much new controversy and left the prime minister's credibility destroyed,” it says, starkly highlighting the fundamental Lesson to be Learned from the E.U. referendum.

Following the British foreign secretary Boris Johnson’s meeting with G7 ministers to attempt to concoct a collective response to Russia's support of Bashar al-Assad’s regime, the report has come at a particularly weighted time, and is yet another example of Russia’s lubricious, perplexing activities on the international circuit. Trump’s team and their British allies are accused of inappropriate levels of intimacy with Russia, but are simultaneously involved in a series of Cold War-style stand-offs. As Americans and Europeans alike grapple with understanding the scope and shape of Russia’ international influence, their Embassy in London continue to fire of volleys of cheerful tweets that slip, neatly, into the millennial vernacular. Their tactic seems so brashly obvious that it’s almost laughable but, then, so does Trump’s, and so does Farage’s, and that hasn't prevented them from wielding power.

BoJo is a bozo

The Labour party have used Boris Johnson’s failure to secure sanctions against Russia as an excuse to brand Britain’s foreign secretary a liability whose rash approach to diplomacy “embarrasses our whole country on the international scene.” It is not the first time such a criticism has been levied at the pink-cheeked harlequin. Now the architect of Britain’s reputation abroad, he once rugby tackled a 10 year-old Japanese boy to the ground, referred to Africa as “that country” and, of course, memorably, became stuck, dangling, 20 foot in the air, attached to a zipwire, flashing his ankles to the crowd whilst wearing a blue hard hat and waving two union jacks.

The Trumps give back

Melania Trump has accepted damages from the Daily Mail—recently voted the newspaper of the year—after they reported allegations that the model once worked as an escort. The paper also suggested the presidential pair actually met three years before they claim, and their “staged” meeting was a “ruse.” Of course, the money won’t sit for long in the Trumps’ joint bank account. Presumably, they could be turning it right back around to pay damages to those they have defamed via false allegations, too.

When walking in Wales

Theresa May, on a five-day long walking holiday in Wales, is being constantly updated as to the escalating situation in Syria. Trekking up the serene Brecon Beacons, walking poles in one hand, phone in the other, she has spoken to the likes of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau about the U.S. missile strike against a Syrian air base. But, the prime minister is still finding time to relax, and has thrown herself into the holiday sprit, picking up all manner of souvenirs. Purchasing a sterling silver ring from the Celf Aran Arts, the shopkeeper, fumbling sweatily for the keys to open the glass display case, rasped “Is it you?” “Well,” she replied, displaying her famous streak of practicality. “It depends on who ‘you’ is.”

Brexit takes consumers by the teeth

Supermarkets across Britain are imposing stealthy price rises on unsuspecting shoppers in an attempt to make up for Brexit-induced costs. Consumers operating in the oral hygiene market have been hit particularly hard: the price of dental floss has spiked by a dramatic 17 percent.

Keep smiling and carry on

Jeremy Corbyn became embroiled in another altercation with the press yesterday, refusing to answer a question from the BBC about Syria, despite his media team telling journalists that they could probe the leader of the opposition on any matter. Side-stepping away from the podium, Corbyn declined to engage on the matter. Then, when a writer for the Mirror asked Corbyn about his trailing in the opinion polls, the audience tuned on him, with one member audibly spluttering “f-----g hell.” Labour-supporting website Labour List responded to the situation by publishing the poetic-sounding “Memo to Jeremy,” reminding him to keep smiling when publicly dealing with the press.

Nigel Farage offers his view on multiculturalism. Again.

Nigel Farage has offered a “thought-provoking take on multiculturalism” on his LBC radio talk-show. “It depends what multiculturalism means,” he opened, sagely, speaking to a man who had phoned in from Birmingham called Jack. If it means a society where the “food’s more varied and life’s more jolly” he explained, sporting an aqua-blue shirt and waving his arms around boisterously, “great!” Then, his tone darkened. If it's multiculturalism where societies are segregated by race or religion, then multiculturalism has failed, he said, firmly. Jack tried to explain his stance on the matter. “As long as they can all speak English too, Jack,” Farage interjected, adopting the tone of a professor extracting a complex treatise from a failing student showing glimpses of star potential. “I just wanted to tease that out.” If you're after any more pearls of wisdom, Farage operates his xenophobia-themed call-center regularly.