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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

We Live in the Good Body

So, I've been doing yoga two or three times a week lately. One of the teachers I practice with is named Anna and has a lovely Swedish accent. One of the things she often says during class is, "We have a good body" or "Your body is a good body." I've come to appreciate these little things she repeats, but I didn't understand the origin of them until my last class. During the final savasana (which is when we all lie on the floor rather blissed out at the end of class), Anna said she wanted to share a quote from Eve Ensler's The Good Body. It goes like this:

Maybe being good isn't about getting rid of anything.Maybe being good has to do with living in the messin the frailtyin the failuresin the flaws.Maybe what I tried to get rid of is the goodest part of me.Think Passion.Think Age. Think Round.Maybe good is about developing the capacity to live fully inside everything.Our body is our country,the only city,the only village,the only everywe will ever know.

It goes on, but ends with this:

We live in a good body.We live in the good body.Good body. Good body.Good body.

Maybe I was just really dehydrated, but damn. This quote said a lot to me. This may sound crazy, but hearing this quote is the first time that it hit me that my body is the only body I will ever have. (Sorry, do I sound high right now? I'm not, I swear.) But seriously, let that sink in for a moment. You will never have Christina Hendricks's body, or Dita Von Teese's, or Kate Moss's. The one you've got is the only one you'll ever know.

I don't know about you, but there's something about this realization that's oddly freeing. It's saying, "This is what I've got. Deal with it, World." I think so much of our culture is built around the idea of somehow getting another body, as strange as that may sound. ("Get a bikini body!") I've certainly spent plenty of time buying into the idea that I could somehow have a "better body" if I just did something differently. There's no upgrading to a better body in this lifetime. I already have a body, and it's a good body.

It's interesting to think about in terms of sewing and fashion. (And I'm not just saying that so I can build a post around this, honestly.) Just like yoga shouldn't be about getting one of these mythical bikini bodies, fashion shouldn't be about wanting to get rid of yourself. ("Maybe being good isn't about getting rid of anything.") Perhaps it's about honoring yourself, as you are, while also "developing the capacity to live fully inside everything." Maybe it's accepting that 31" waist while also wanting to become fully-realized: to become a skilled seamstress, yes, but to decorate yourself in a way that speaks to the innermost part of you and makes that part feel beautiful. Not to decorate yourself in a way that says "I'm working on getting rid of this belly/these thighs, etc."

So that's the thought for the day, folks. I hope it speaks to you as well. I better go before I start leading us in Ani Difranco songs or chanting or something.

69 comments:

What a beautiful post - so much food for thought I think it will take a while to fully appreciate. I wholeheartedly wish I thought this way deep in my heart. There's just that vestige of harmful thinking still there. I need to read your post every day! Thank you for writing this.

I totally agree. Once you can accept your body as it is, you can begin to do things that nurture and improve it, not for the sake of outer appearances, but for the purpose of fortifying and energizing it, to allow for a life with vitality and longevity. I say this because I come from a family of people who take their bodies (and the health of their bodies) for granted by consuming toxic things. Since our ability to live in and fully experience the world is directly related to how healthy our bodies are, we should spend less time working on "manicuring" the exterior and more on ensuring the foundations of our souls' "houses" are in the best form they can be. Hurrah for YOGA!

The major thing we often forget is that all these divas have bodies that are not flawless. Many of them have short torsos, short legs, wide shoulders, wide hips, small bust, flat butt, etc. Many of them aren't as pretty as they appear when they're on red carpet, once they don't have the makeup. Most of them are just average girls that happened to be famous, and/or rich. So, we should not be intimidated by their beauty, but should emphasize our own qualities, and hide our flaws (just like them).

This is a beautiful post Gertie, thank you! It's only in the past few years that I've been able to look at the body I have and think that it's right for me - it's not a 'bikini body' or anything like the magazines tell me I should want, but it's mine and it works for me. A close friend of mine is struggling with an eating disorder and it makes me so sad to see her chipping away at her body in the way that she is. Being thin hasn't made her happy, radically changing her body shape has made her more fragile and miserable. I wish she could look inside and see that she is beautiful and should nurture herself to be the best that she can be, you know? This has been really inspiring, thank you x

Gorgeous words, Gertie! and I love that photo, it's so... joyful I think is the word and it fits the sentiments beautifully.For me adjusting the way I think is hard but I'm making a real and concious effort to switch around the way I do. One of the best things I read compared our internal monologue to the way we talk to friends and it really resonated with me that the things I say to myself when I'm feeling crappy, I would never consider saying to a friend I love and care about. I'm not fully there yet, but at least it's now something I'm concious of and trying to accept and change.

Hi Gertie,I have found your blog a while ago and addet it to my Linklist. Lovely. I love your style. Over here we have quiet a lot of vintage influence right now too, unfortunetly I mostly meet the folks woho misunderstood the whole think, wearing 80ties style glasses and dufflecoats. I am going with you with the new look style.Anyway, when I read your post I thought mainly of my two kids and I realised, that my body must be just fine because they are perfect :-)Greetings from Berlin, Catherine(just inspires to sew a 50ies vogue pattern dress for autum)

My body problem at the moment is that I know I used to have a body I loved and felt happy in but it has expanded of late and I don't love the bigger version. I know I'm never going to have slim hips or be dainty, but I can and have been slimmer and I miss it. I can't fit into clothes I made earlier in the year and I don't want the tacit acceptance of my current size that would come from sewing for myself at the size I am now.

I'm trying not to hate what I have at present while I work towards getting back to what I was, but it's hard. Still, a new pilates term starts soon so hopefully I'll feel a bit more chill then. Yay for yoga and pilates!

Thanks Gertie!!! I needed this. I am going to try and hold on to this all day! And beyond but you know life comes only one day at a time. And I think this mantra could be applied to my whole life. Really not only is it your only body, it is your only life. Today my goal is to embrace it all rather than try and change it!! Wow I needed that!!!

Loved this post Gertie! :) This is an extremely freeing and healthy viewpoint--I just wish I had spent more time running across positivity like this, rather than buying into the crap that society throws at us and starving myself to try and create that "perfect" body I wanted. I think slowly--sometimes at a seeming snail's pace--I'm finally coming around to this way of viewing myself and the act of adornment/dressing. It isn't so much about "hiding" my perceived flaws, but rather dressing the form I currently have in a pleasing manner that makes me feel the best about my body and also communicates my aesthetic and ideas to others. My husband often has asked me why I care so much sometimes about how I look compared to what we see as "beautiful" in the culture. I think it's about time I start thumbing my nose at the idea of "the perfect body" and start embracing my good body and being thankful for what it's capable of and appreciate it!

I love this post. Isn't it amazing how one thought can lead you down a brand new path and journey to go with it. I love moments like you had last night where the sky opens up and swallows you with new insight, truth and realization. Bravo! Yeah! and Hip Hip Hippity for your body, my body and all bodies. Years ago I sold vitamins and we used to say, "If you don't take care of your body, where are you going to live?"

My son had a massive heart attack at the age of 23, which the medical community has not been able to determine a reason for. Sometimes this scares the heck out of me and makes me cry and other days I remember "his good body" "his good heart", that kept beating despite all it was going through that day and I thank God once again.

Cracking post and so very true. I spent years with such an unhealthy attitude to my body. I have starved myself and over eaten. I have hated myself so badly I have put permanent scars on my body. I still have my moment as I'm sure I always will but I have come to love my body. It is the vehicle that allows me to do everything I love to do so I should treat it with the respect it deserves. Sure I have quite a big butt. Means I have something to shake when I dance. Yeah my boobs are too big. Mean I look good in clothes that have a nipped waist. Yeah I'm short. Means I can weasel ny way through crounds and rarely hit my head on anything. There is always a positive.

I have never been concerned about other people's bodies, and have been a very happy sexy 16 for most of my life. I had two babies and all of a sudden I was a very unhappy 22. It didn't feel like my body. I was depressed and didn't realize it. I went to a friends wedding. It was filled with attractive athletic people(football coach was getting married). Something clicked for me that day because I have been on a fast track to weight loss ever since. I started working out at the gym, and eating better. More important I started sewing for my girls and myself. I find that It is a great motivation for me to make a dress that fits me as I am and makes me beautiful, as I am now. I will never fit into a size 2, or even 6. I am a big boned sweedish woman. I am so ok with that. I would still like to be a more healthy size, I have lost 18 lbs this month and hope to loose another 18 next month. Once again you are writing about something that feels like it could have happened to me. Please never stop blogging.

Amen. Even at my, ahem, advanced age, I am continuously amazed at what my body can do. I broke and dislocated my shoulder in May and just got released from PT to work on my work. I'll probably put yoga into my mix to help rebalance myself (one side of me is much weaker than the other at this point), but the body has the most amazing restorative properties when we have confidence in it and embrace it. I'll never be 5'10" (shoot - I'll never be 5'5"!) or have a 25" waistline, but damn, I can lift a lot and ride my bike up hills. That counts for a lot with me.

You didn't sound high when you wrote that you just came to realize that.One night,writing something down,I realized how nice it is that every person has a certain amount of blood,just for yourself(how exciting is that?!).And that it's 'wrapped up' with/by the veins and all together,the veins,bones,muscles,flesh,are held togeher by your skin.That..somehow let me love my body with all MY bones/blood cells/muscles much more.I don't know why.I don't know if this is exactly what you were talking about,what you wrote just reminded me of that.Have a good day in your good body (;

I've never had an issue with my body image or weight, but I started taking up martial arts about two+ years ago to help with my depression, and since I've been going to class regularly it has helped. When I was younger, I would continuously get into abusive, self-destructive relationships, and though I never hated how my body looked, I learned as I got older to cultivate self-respect and positive self-esteem, and to surround myself with people who respected me.

Society puts so much pressure on women especially to look a certain way. For a long time I didn't have a television, and even now I don't watch TV. I avoid fashion magazines and women's magazines (Elle, Lucky, Cosmo, etc). I work in the advertising industry and I know part of their psychology to sell products is to create a need for it by pushing on a woman's insecurity, and then selling them the solution -- whether that's shampoo, lipstick, or face cream. I think avoiding the media (especially media geared towards women's insecurities) helps with maintaining the small bits of self-esteem and self-respect that I've been slowly cultivating.

Beautiful post. I had this awakening a while back. I'm a curvy girl 39,34,43; for years I was so unhappy with this but just recently I've realised what a friend my body is. Hell it produced the most beautiful baby girl on earth 10 yrs ago - I still look at her and marvel that I did that! I LOVE my body it's the best home for my mind!

I like the way this forces us to address our bodies with respect. At the end of my yoga classes, our teacher always says "thank your body for all its hard work" and saying "good body" is the same thing. Rather than being frustrated and saying stuff to our bodies like "why the heck couldn't you be more flexible? or have better balance? or stronger muscles? or just be a bit thinner?" this is a way of saying "well done body. good job. thanks for carrying me through the day" It sounds corny written down, but it does make you feel better!

This post is so right on time for me. I recently took up jogging and now, instead of focusing on all of my flaws, I marvel at how quickly by body mends itself and how efficiently it changes to take on the stress I'm putting it through.

Today I see my body as this awesome machine. To simplify it as merely a misshapen shell is to truly misunderstand and undervalue this miraculous vehicle I'm housed in.

I would urge anyone who is unhappy with their body to take up a physical activity. Watching your body work will change your perspective.

The 'good body' saying takes on a whole different perspective with aging. On the downhill side of the life cycle 'bell curve' it can be very liberating to realize: hey, I'm done with the part of my life where having a perfect body is essential. Whew, glad it's over, pass me that ice cream!

I recently completed a pretty intense fitness program (and am signed up for round 3 because I loved it so much - heh). Even though I lost weight and gained muscle, the most important thing that came out of it for me was accepting my body for all its beauty and its faults. I think I'm finally at a point that I'm not just content, but really pleased with the body that I've been given and I want to keep it as happy and healthy as possible. I'll never be a bikini model and that is a-okay with me. Instead, I'm enjoying my body as it is and you're right, it's oddly liberating when you get to that point.

I recently started working out with a personal trainer, and have been doing so for a month now. While I'm starting to notice my body is stronger, I'm still the same size/shape/weight. This poem reminded me that I need to just take pleasure in having a (stronger) healthy body no matter what, since not everyone does.

We have to learn to come to peace with out bodies and accept them for what they are, every little flaw. We should not focus on the flaws, but focus on who we are inside. Who we are will radiate outward, and will make a beautiful person, body. We should work with what we have and learn to accentuate the positive aspects and downplay the negative but not worry about it. We should love every wrinkle and scar and just savor each day. Each day is a gift. We should also remember that everyone else has problem areas, too, everyone except the airbrushed models. They are only perfect in print.

Awww, my yoga instructor is awesome too! At the end of every class he reminds us to thank our bodies "for bringing you here tonight, for supporting you." It's such a simple thing to be grateful for. Thanks body, for taking care of me. I'll do my best to take care of you too.

Bravo. VERY well said. Thank you for sharing...I certainly share your philosophy of dressing the body you have to celebrate it and celebrate yourself. That's what's great about making your own clothes...you can revel in what YOU want to say with your body, your self, your presentation to the world.

Wow. AFter a three-day back-to-back Project Runway viewing bender (you know where size 2 models parade around in clothes designed for stick figures) this was just the post I needed to read to remind me that it's OK that I'm not a size 2. And that I can design outfits just as cute for my size 16 butt and my 42C's. THANK YOU!

Thank you so much for this post, Gertie! And thank your yoga teacher for me, as well. The "good body" is such an affirming thought; I tend to look at my body's flaws ("fire plug" comes to mind)rather than its strengths (my body runs marathons!). I love your blog for the range of topics you cover--sewing and beyond!

I totally get this! I realized this about my body fully when I was pregnant for the first time and further while watching my oldest grow and develop. I understood that the human body is a miracle that growing a child and watching it grow was a miracle. I had never fully understood that until then. I have been fond of telling people ever since that you only get the one body so you'd better be good to it. There are no trades or swaps!!

Your timing is perfect. I just had a strange health issue for the first time in a long (I'm 54) life. It makes you question a lot. I am a short round sort of gal and decided a long time ago that I was OK with that...that my body was doing what it was suppose to do. Till now it isn't. I was grateful for my body and didn't mind it's short comings as long as it was healthy. Now I'm questioning our relationship. But after-all it's gotten me this far...and while things will be different, I'm not dying. So maybe I'll chant Good Body and see how we do.

i can't tell you how much i love this post, as a practitioner and teacher of yoga for over 8 years i can tell you that there is no faster way to appreciate all that your magnificent body can do than to do yoga. you shed all the cultural b.s. and totally come into your own body in a way that you cannot understand until it happens to you. i love that you wrote a post about it!

I thank you, too. I am taken with the construction of acceptance as not getting rid of yourself. I'm going to think about this--it's really helpful. I'm on the back side of the 40s and seeing startling changes, so all helpful thoughts gratefully accepted!

I couldn't agree more! I've actually had conversations close to this with others a number of times now as to why I got so into sewing/designing for myself. I have my body, and my body is not anything near the standard body that clothing companies expect every female to have. Nor should it have to be. When I go into stores to shop, I often leave feeling ugly because the clothes I put on point out that I am not 'that' body. The way clothes look and fit on you can revolutionize or destroy your body image. I started sewing because I had to alter almost any store bought piece of clothing...then I started making...then I started designing. It gives control back to me and lets me decorate my body in a way that celebrates it for what it is, rather that trying to be someone else.

Wonderful post. As a mother to a child with an obvious facial birth defect, it means even more to me than you can imagine. We must learn to love ourselves and each other for who we are, not how we appear, because we won't get another body. And we must teach our children the same. It would make the world a much happier place.

This is such a fab post! I think that we all struggle so much with looks and have so much pressure to metaphorically cast off our own bodies in favor of "someone else's" and like you have said ours is the only one we've got! We all need to stop sometimes and appreciate that we have positives!

RIGHT ON. Husband and I have been working for over a year to try and eat healthier and exercise/stay in shape. Our major motivation was watching the health problems some of our family members have had to go through that were either directly caused by or is directly affected by their diet and nutrition. I'm never going to be an olympic athlete. I'm never going to be the type of dancer that people pay to go see. So what?I love my body.It has served me well, VERY well.Ain't nobody else can be ME.I know you think you sound a little high ;) But honestly, thoughts like those are the small but profound thoughts that make life a little more livable :) Thank you!

It's so much like sewing (I remember your meassurements post) and it's also a bit like growing up: you stop fighting (which is actually a bit, ahem, crazy when it comes to your own body and so self) and start accepting reality.

And anyway: if you cut fabric, all you can do is sew, if you cut yourself, you actually heal/grow together again. Perhaps not totally unnoticable, but so much neater than a seam... amazing, isn't it?!

And i love how sewing our own clothes gives us the chance to act out and live with the reality of what you're talking about. I'm not there--on the sewing side or the self-acceptance side, for sure. But I'm really with you on the deep realness of the idea. . . .

I read your blog for the first time today. A nice one!! I'll come back definitely. Do you practise Bikram Yoga? Seems to me... Good post, I was thinking about how I feel in MY body the last days. More (Bikram) Yoga practise was my answer and I feel better now!Thanx!

The two things that have made the most difference for how I feel about my body are sex and sewing. When I first started having sex (at 18) I started liking my body a lot more. It didn't matter that trousers never fit right, when I could take them off and get so much pleasure, and excitement, and intimacy. I know I was lucky to have my first sexual experiences in a good relationship. Then when I started sewing (at about 21), I started liking how my body looked too. Turned out it wasn't my shape that was the problem, but the shape of ready-to-wear clothes.

I was really touched by this post! So much so, I decided to conduct a bit of a self image boost over at my blog, asking any readers to comments with three things they love about their body :) Self image love for the win!

Thanks, Gertie. I've thought about this post a lot since I first read it a few days ago. I'm pretty happy with the way I look, but I feel like my body's betrayed me by being unhealty and hypersensitive, and keeping me from doing everything I'd like to do. But you're right, it's the only one I've got, so I think it's time to start working with it, rather than against it.

Let me introduce my situation. I have a management position in a company, and I deal with a lot of people everyday. I was hating myself for beeing so competitive sometimes that I get angry with people. I do not insult or mistreat people, but after the conversations I feel that anger that make me hate myself for beeing competitive, 'cause when people don't perform in the way I want to make the proyect in the right way, that leads me to that bad feeling.

My girlfriend show me this, saying how much that helped about his self-esteem, and I've started to read it...

And you know, I do have a competitive personallity, I want to be a better person, and make a lot of thing with my life. It's not good or bad, it's just the way I am. If I don't accept that, I cannot put that in service for someone or something else. That anger it's not good, I have to understand that I cannot change people to fit my desires, but I don't have to get rid of that part of me that wants to make things right.

Between that balance, in that aceptation of my nature, I can really start to feeling good about myself.

Maybe your body it's not the body you want, but it's the one you have.

Maybe my personality it's not the personality I want, but it's the one I have.

I had a similar ephiphany as yours (that this is the only body you'll ever have). One day, about a year after seeking treatment for bulimia, it hit me; I will never be a tall blond with big boobs (or in other words, Barbie). You would think that would be obvious to a 5'2" Puerto Rican brunette with a wide hips, boobs, a butt and a short waist. Since then, yes I still have my hang ups but nowhere near where they used to be. I appreciate my body more and more everyday. I know now that if I nourish myself and exercise regularly, I don't need to freak out about my weight, because I am doing everything in my power to be and look healthy.

I agree that this is the body we have and that we shouldn't starve ourselves or fill ourselves up with silicone to get a "better" body.

BUT - I would like to lose some weight. I don't want to stay with a 108 cm hip, which in my aesthetic opinion is less flattering because my waist and bust are proportionately much smaller, and which also makes my life difficult when sewing.

I joined the gym and started doing yoga, step class, swimming and feldenkreis. I occasionally ride my bike and go for walks. I enjoy it immensely. I am proud of myself for taking care of my health. I also suffered from depression so it is very healthy for me psychologically to exercise. I haven't lost weight yet and I've not trimmed down yet either but I feel my body getting stronger, healthier, more vibrant.

We live in a world of processed foods, of junk everywhere. This junk, and the stress, makes us live an unhealthy life and carry around extra fat that builds up through the years and slowly debilitates us (even if at first not so noticeably) and which can ultimately kill us (heart disease, cholesterol, etc). I'm NOT saying starving ourselves just to be thin is any better!!! It is probably much worse.

What I'm saying is love yourself, as you are, cellulite and all. But if you really love yourself, treat yourself well. Eat healthy. Exercise moderately. Do what you love doing, don't force it and don't overdo it. You will feel younger and better. This does not contradict the fact that all women are beautiful and we should have more heterogeneous body images in commercials and such, and as cultural role models.

31"! Ha, y'all must be short if a 31" waist is fat. I'm at 36" (5'9") and while I could definitely lose a few, I'm still pretty happy with my wasp waist. At least I was until I discovered 31" was something to be tolerated as bigger than the ideal.