white noise chocolate

We all have our problems and with ours we need each other in order to solve them. We need to help each other, we need to understand each other. We need to love each other, make each other feel one another. Another. Other. Kiss me Niall, please, because there won't be another. Love me Niall, please, because I need to feel your touch before I go.

15. Morning Of The End

I need to get out. Go far far away.

Away.

"I love you."

Dry whispers floating on a folded, crinkled sheet of paper.

Bye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up with the sun coming into the bedroom through the window. I couldn't understand the smile that surfaced my lips. The feeling of last night still radiated off my skin, the taste of chocolate and whipped cream still on my lips.

I turned over onto my side and my smile vanished.

Just like that, it was gone. Every good emotion, every good feeling, everything. Gone.

Ireland wasn't sleeping there beside me like I thought she would be and instead on top of her white pillow was white paper. Folded three times, with the three little words that can break and create hearts at the same time.

I reached for the piece of paper and sat up, unfolding it. There was hardly any writing, her cursive handwriting, just one word.

"Goodbye," I whispered her word.

I nodded slowly, letting my tears flow gently as I got off the bed and begun to dress. I exhaled loudly as I took one more glance at her writing.

"Goodbye," I said back to her. I turned around and saw a circle elastic on the floor. Hers. The only evidence that she was there.

I picked up the elastic and pulled it around my wrist. It was a little tight, and in time it would get looser, get worn.

I walked out of the bedroom and closed the door behind me. I found my duffel bag that was packed for when Liam was here. I pulled it over my shoulder pulled the key of the apartment out of one of the pockets and dropped in on the counter. The kitchen was a disaster, the refrigerator door left open.

It was all memories.

The television was on and the windows open. I left everything as it was. I went to the front door, and closed it behind me.

"Goodbye," I repeated, but this time to the memories.

I walked down the small hallway looking back once more as I took one step at a time. The light was pouring through the crack at the bottom of the wood door. Making it look magical, magnificent, but completely dark to me.

There was nothing here for me anymore. I would go back to Liam's place, make amends with the rest of the guys and hopefully get my life back on track and in good order.

But I would do it and at the same time forget about what happened to me--to us--during that month.

I turned away from the door and down the stairs, went to Liam's car and made my way back to London. To never return.

Ever.

~~~2 years later~~

I was lying to myself when I thought I would never come back to Birmingham, to this place. I walked up the stairs and when I reached just outside the door, I heard music.

Guitar. Acoustic.

I made another key for the apartment but I narrowed my eyes as I placed the key back in my pocket. I told the landlord not to sell the apartment. Even though I tried to forget the memories, I could never let this place go.

I placed my hand on the door knob and turned it slowly. The sun has already gone down and when I started to push the door forward the warm glow of lamps touched my skin.

The music of the guitar stopped playing and I looked forward. I stepped inside, everything has been clean. Nothing looked the same since I left.

Then my eyes came across familiarity. I watched the bare toes come closer, has the brunette hair gotten longer, closer to the hip bone?

"Hi," she whispered, pulling her hair behind her right ear.

"Ireland?" I said with disbelief.

"I've been waiting for you to come back," she said as she brought her fingertips along my sweater covered chest. Was she really that close?

"I--," I started but she looked up at me, making me silent in an instant.

"I made a mistake," she said. "I'm--."

But this time I cut her off as I placed my hands on either side of her face, my one thumb rubbing against her bottom lip. "I don't care." Was all I said before I kicked the door closed.

Leaving us to relive memories. Memories that were replaced but will return with a simple kiss.

This time there is no whiteness but a warmness. There is no noise but a hum of the still vibrating guitar strings.

But…but there was chocolate. It was her. The smell of her, the taste of her. A deep temptation that I craved for these past two years. An obsession, an addiction I was't ready to give up.