Yes Yes/ Yes Yes Yes Yes/ Yes Yes Yes Yes/ Yes Yes There Are Limits

May 10, 2011

No one likes to talk about limitations. They’re not sexy. They don’t make for good dance songs from the early nineties. They don’t sell athletic clothing. They can really fucking suck when you reach them.

But trying to live a life with no limits is just not a wise idea, particularly for person juggling autism and type A tendencies.

At some point this past weekend, I finally had to admit that I had actually had some limits. Up until that point, I had somewhat successfully deluded myself into thinking that limits were for other people. Of course I could cover an entire film festival by myself AND keep up my regular fitness work schedule! But why stop there? Why not offer to cover everyone else’s classes as well? And when I said cover a festival, I mean cover the fuck out of it, you know? Like, spend every “free” moment at home watching screeners and then head out to watch even more films in the theatres! And then write about all of the movies!

There are many of problems with this vision:

1. It is stupid.

2. It is impossible.

3. You cannot actually see every film at a festival, because many films screen concurrently and, even if they didn’t, you would still need time to sleep and/or review the little fuckers.

4. You really can’t see every film at s festival when you have a day job.

5. You also can’t see every film at a festival when you have volunteered yourself to do parts of other people’s day jobs.

6. All work and no play really does make Jack a dull boy. And it makes Captain Awesometism start talking to her stuffed animals.

But there are also a lot of problems that come with trying to make an autistic person with type A tendencies accept this:

1. Limits are for other people.

2. Limits are for other people.

3. Limits are for other people.

4. I should try harder.

5. If I was any good, I wouldn’t have limits.

6. But (person I’ve decided is awesome and has all the luck, because I probably don’t know them that well and, therefore, have attached a whole imaginary life to) would be able to do this!

7. I suck.

8. Limits are for other people. I suck for having limits. Therefore, I suck MORE than other people for having the same limits as them. IT’S LOGIC! GOD, WHY DON’T YOU GET IT? I’M GOING TO TALK TO MY STUFFED ANIMALS.

I don’t have a conclusion or a well-reasoned way to explain any of this right now. Really, this is just my long-winded, still-exhausted way of saying that I’m having some issues right now.