The Dark Tunnel

What if one day I get up and find out there is nothing to do at all?

It won’t be a day wherein I could feel happy to say, “Yeah! Nothing to do. I am free today.”

It’s a day with bleak weather- I happen to realize there is nothing else remaining for me to do.Everything has ended. I have lost so many things. I have tried countless things. I could look back to my past clearly. The path from the past to the present has made me conclude that my life is all messy. The impenetrable darkness has gone inside my soul and there is no space left for any positive signs. I have turned into a cold-hearted person. I have no feelings for anyone. I reached that level of life, wherein I can’t let anyone else be a part of my world. I feel the world has drained from me. The evil thoughts have arisen in my mind. I can only regret the mistakes, not done by me, but done by others which led me to suffer. I could have blamed everyone around me, by now I chose not to blame anyone. Because for now, I am in a state of blaming myself for always compromising my own life. For the number of times, all my dreams shattered with no hopes further. Abided by all the surrounding rules, I could not achieve anything. Being crumpled with a stroke of bad luck, I could not get any answers for, “Why me ???”.

I often restored my hopes to start a new beginning, but my every journey landed up to “The End” board with no success. Having failed for hundreds of times, I did not feel bad for rejections and failures anymore. I don’t know what is the feeling of happiness for being successful in life. Maybe, if ever I reach a successful point, I would shed more tears by recalling the failure times. I would be more nervous and hold fear to cherish the success moment. Doubtless, I am tired and downtrodden. I could imagine brighter days on the way. Alas! With not much of a span, I find myself being involved with innumerable issues. Whenever someone asked me, “What’s wrong?”; I could fake smile and tell them nothing. At most, I could share one of the smallest ordinary issues. The truth holds as nothing was/is right. I could only wish some magic to fix everything at once for all. My life did not go the way I planned in multiple ways, but at this stage I am fine. At a certain point in time, we accept that some things cannot be changed and often are out of one’s control. People who know my journey tide with hurdles; know somewhere it is okay if I stop going ahead. It is true: negativity must not become part of life, but sometimes on a practical basis: negativity wins over positivity. We have to balance the positive and negative vibes equally.

I wish I would wake up one day and realize my whole life had been a dream and I am actually a different person living a different life. Perhaps, a much better life wherein I could be me, myself !!!

I wrote this blog post to express what I felt at that moment. I was not in a depression. My feelings were based on real situations. Through this article, many people could relate to it. This post is to show how a depressed person feels. It depicts how crushed a person feels when everything goes against her/his life. We see people who lack empathy. People who do not take other’s emotions easily. People who are unable to understand someone’s emotion. We do come across the ones who will not realize what willpower it takes for going through the hurdles. I genuinely feel we should not break anyone to the extent that they lose the meaning to their life. When we see someone’s life is falling apart, we shall try to lend a hand to uplift them in order to kick start life again.

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At times I too wished my life is dream and I would wake up to a much better and happier reality. But I guess there are days when everyone feel that way too. Life is like a rollercoaster. Be strong. I wish the best for you.

I’ve been where you are and I know it is tough. I always tell myself “don’t give up, there are still people to prove wrong”. I use slightly more colourful language but I don’t want to fill your comments with swearing 🙂

I used to feel this way, but I am learning that my life can be whatever I want it to be; it just won’t be instant. I am willing to be positive and know that the life I desire is awaiting me, as long as I keep working towards my goals for as long as it takes. Only death can stop me from living the life I desire….this is something I say to myself constantly. I don’t compare my life to others, though. I only speak for myself.

I had a lot of soul searching and getting to know myself phase in the last year because of the series of unfortunate events that happened in the past and I just want to disappear. But I realized, I don’t want to be anyone but me. I am blessed to be me. I feel you in this truly.

I admire your bravery for putting yourself out there in hopes of encouraging other people who go through difficult times but are unable to find a safe space. We all have these moments where we feel alone, finding a tribe is so helpful in keeping you grounded.

Thanks for an interesting post. I find that we can create our own reality and the life we want to lead. It’s hard sometimes to be in a situation that makes you unhappy but the only constant in life is change….and change for the better is just one morning wake-up away!!

That hurt just reading it. I’ve been down this road before. It’s so debilitating and exhausting. It’s a reminder that we are not always strong enough on our own. Don’t say “I’m fine.”. Reach out for help. You’re not alone.

Being in a bad place is always bad, and it happens when you don’t even think about it, but you need to surround yourself with friends and people that love you and want to help you, don’t give in, there is always a rainbow at the end of a storm.