Stars and Hype

'Career women' & 'mom types'?

Why a reasonably entertaining film like We Are Family was ruined for me by its blatant sexismI saw We Are Family a second time this weekend. Seriously. In spite of the mixed reviews the film has garnered, I wanted to see it again. First, I must confess that I'm not one of the people who hated it from the entertainment point of view. But the reason why I watched it a second time is because I wanted to check whether I'd misunderstood what had appeared to me, at first viewing, to be shockingly backward views about "career women" that had been expressed in and endorsed by the film.

For those who have not seen it yet, here's the story. Maya (Kajol) and Aman (Arjun Rampal) are a divorced couple with three children. The kids stay with mommy while Arjun has moved on to Shreya (Kareena Kapoor). When dad introduces his new girlfriend to the family, it goes without saying that they don't welcome her with open arms. But just as they're all coping with this new development in their lives, Maya is diagnosed with cancer. She comes up with a plan: to get Shreya to move in with the family so that the kids can get used to her because mere baad bhi unko maa ki zaroorat padegi.

It's all rolling along fine until this point as far as I'm concerned. Kajol & Kareena are their usual charismatic selves (Kareena is particularly endearing in We Are Family) and Arjun Rampal gives us further evidence of how much he has evolved through the years. The scenes in which the children react to Daddy's new girl are very well told, not counting the ultimate, rather unrealistic capitulation by the elder daughter. Aachal Munjal, Nominath Ginsberg and Diya Sonecha - the actors playing the three children - are a delightfully un-precocious bunch. Aachal as the older daughter Aliya is clearly an actress to watch out for and Diya as little Anjali is an absolute absolute darling (though I wish the boy Ankush had not been so sadly neglected by the story!) But the film began to unravel for me on a park bench when Maya tries to persuade Shreya to step into the job of mother-in-waiting.

Sample this gem that trips off Shreya's tongue as a reaction to Maya's suggestion: "I'm a career woman, not a mom type."

WHAT?!!! I couldn't believe that a mainstream Hindi film in 2010 starring two die-hard "career women" - one of those rare Hindi films giving top billing to its heroines, not its hero - could actually feature a line such as this. The writer may argue that Shreya's views would be echoed by many people in our society who feel that ambitious (oh that dirty word!) career women are not naturally inclined to being mothers, and that professional ambitions and mommy aspirations are mutually exclusive. But when you watch a film, you always know whether it is endorsing the actions of its characters or their viewpoints. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Gabbar may have been a sadist, but Sholay was not pro-sadism; that while Geet may have run away from home, Jab We Met was definitely not advising all young girls to follow suit.

Which brings me to another film that had got me seriously worried about the film-maker's personal views back when I watched it in the late 1990s. For many people, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was a highly entertaining, fluffy romance starring a bunch of good-looking people in good-looking clothes. For me though it was a film telling us that a woman must conform to a certain definition of femininity for a man to fall in love with her: you know, grow her hair long, wear chiffon saris, lose to the hero in basketball like Anjali (Kajol) did. What was more worrisome for me was that in spite of my strong views, I still found the film entertaining. It made me realise that subliminal sexist messages are so much more dangerous than in-your-face sermons from pulpits. Which is why I'm writing this entire, long piece about what may seem to some as a marginal point conveyed by We Are Family - as far as I'm concerned, that seemingly marginal point is far more dangerous because in spite of my anger against it, and in spite of the many other flaws in this film, I actually found We Are Family entertaining.

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to discuss my concerns about Kuch Kuch Hota Hai with director Karan Johar during an interview. When I told him, "I thought you were an MCP when I saw KKHH," he assured me good-humouredly that he was not a male chauvinist pig. He insisted that KKHH's premise was silly and immature but that it was never intended to be sexist. Okay. But now what is this, Karan?

Films like Karan's latest production We Are Family (he hasn't directed it) are far more harmful than we realise because they emerge from the stables of seemingly liberal, progressive people. Here is a producer who is willing to make a film revolving around his heroines in an industry dominated by heroes. Here is Kareena Kapoor who is one of those rare female stars from a film family, in an industry that gladly launches its sons as actors but almost never its daughters. And here is Kajol who has actually managed to have a successful career as a leading lady post-marriage-and-babies, in an industry that usually retires its women once they get hitched and relegates them to supporting roles post-30/35. When three people such as these suggest in a film that there's a distinction between career women and mom types, they're endorsing a deeply ingrained social prejudice that working women battle all the time in our society and there are a zillion bigoted people out there who will grab the opportunity to tell their daughters / wives / daughters-in-law, "Look, we aren't the only ones who feel this way, KJo-Kareena-Kajol think so too!"

Incidentally, Shreya and Anjali's conversation in We Are Family doesn't stop at that stereotype. When Shreya tells Anjali, "I'm a career woman, not a mom type," Anjali assures her (and do excuse me if I've dropped a preposition or two in this quote) "bachpan se lekar har aurat ke andar yeh mom ka formula chhipa hota hai … Bas tum jaise career women yeh bhool jaate hai."

"Tum jaise career women"! Whoa!

The scene reminded me of a friend who battled a bout of depression after the birth of her first child. "After 72 hours of being in labour, I didn't want to touch my son," my friend told me. "I've seen all those pictures of women forgetting their labour pain the moment it's over and the baby is placed in their arms but that's not what happened to me. I looked at my baby and thought, this is the thing that was responsible for the hell I've been through for three days, I don't want it near me. But I didn't dare tell anyone because they would have thought I'm an abnormal, evil witch, because that's not the way we women are supposed to be."

So in case I've not made myself clear enough, here's my point to the team of We Are Family: we women spend our lives being told what we are "supposed to be". We're "supposed to" conform to accepted definitions of femininity to be attractive to men. We're "supposed to" be born with the maternal instinct and we're deemed selfish if children are not our cup of tea. Those of us who want children are "supposed to" accept that we must choose between being mothers and professionals. Supposed to … supposed to … supposed to …! Could we please just be left alone so that each one of us can decide for ourselves individually, not what we're "supposed to" do but what we want to do?! Do you think you could do that? Please!

Reading this late (& didn't see the movie) but love your opinion! Great read.

Btw, what your friend went through after her pregnancy is more common than people realise. Postpartum depression (PPD)/ postnatal depression attacks most women (levels differ). Studies show upto 80% of women have had some degree of PPD. Sure you knew this already, but just btw :)

Keep up the good interviewing & writing!

Melody Laila

Mumbai

November 06, 2010

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Anna M.M. Vetticad has been a journalist for 15 years. She worked with India Today magazine and The Indian Express newspaper before switching to TV. "There aren't enough hours in the day or days in the week to see all the movies I want to see," she often grumbles. In spite of that complaint, Anna seems to pack a lot of movie-and-play-watching, book-reading, "etc etc etc" into that miserably insufficient 24x7. She lives in Delhi with her family.