December 23rd, 2014

THE CLANGING CHIMES OF DOOM

It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas.

So it’s the time of year when Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die like to kick back, dress like Bruno Brookes and Janice Long and present their Very Special Christmas Jingle Spectacularmas…SILENCE! If there was a end of year best of lists for half-baked, ill-informed opinions and lazy plot recounting…well let me tell you, these boys would be topping that eggnoggin’ list!

<ITEM> A festive portion of listener jingles courtesy of the one man walking Brill Building himself Gary Lactus. There will be blood.

<ITEM> A festive portion of The Reviewniverse ho ho ho with a festive portion of talk about Rumble, Zero, Thunderworld, Annihilator, Spiderman, Sex Criminals, Bitch Planet, Ms Marvel, Batgirl, All New X-Men and probably some other stuff.

<ITEM> A festive portion of favourite Christmas songs. Predictably.

All that plus some strange transmissions from the Multiversity…? I’LL TAKE TWO PLEASE MA’AM!!!

October 13th, 2014

RULE NUMBER ONE, PHASERS ON STUN!

Oh hi there! You caught me with my hand in the pickled onion jar! Welcome back DEAR LISTENERS, to this very special* technical-hitch FREE episode of SILENCE! With a rejuvenated The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus, freshly back from judging the 3rd Annual Electroplegic Bodyshunting Competition. Slipping off their ceremonial robes, the pusillanimous pairsome are hot cocked, and ready to rot! Let’s get podcarousing!

<ITEM> Like a perfectly launched stone skipping across a still pond, the two enter the Reviewniverse, a song in their hearts, and their hearts on their sleeves (and their sleeves tucked into their undercrackers). And what a week it’s been. Vivisected this week: Punks, Ed Pinsent, Inkstuds, Rob Liefield, Batgirl, Gotham’s Brooklyn, Gotham Academy, Axis/6xis, Pickled Onions, Sex Criminals, Astro City, Mark Bell RIP, Masterplasty from James Harvey, Courtney Love, Sinestro, and the terrifying Earth 2 weekly challenge!

<ITEM> How could we forget – a guest star studded edition of SILENCE! Because My Mouth Is Full of Delicious Food! The real reason you all came.

March 27th, 2014

APE IN CAGE WITH WIRE CUTTERS

Okay I’ll come clean. It was me. It was me that dressed up as the glowing ghost and haunted that old mill. And, yes it was me that was behind the screaming skull that scared away all the visitors to the museum. Yes, AND it was me that created the banshee’s wails that kept all the prospectors away from the abandoned mine. I achieved it all with the use of lights, pulleys, fluorescent paints and the latest radiophonic special effects. I admit it. It was me, ME! Me, Disembodied Janitorbot X-15735. And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you PESKY LISTENERS!

<ITEM> There’s some top notch admin, with Gary Lactus’ new celebrity mate Christian ‘Chris’ Bale, Lena Dunham, and of course the ever loving sponsorships passing in the night

<ITEM> Welcome to the ReviewMovieverse with a special spoiler free review of Captain America: Winter Soldier, with a free ranging discussion of all superhero movies including Christopher ‘Chris’ Nolan’s Bat-trilogy, along with Gary’s grousing about the perils of 3D films and being a spacegod.

March 11th, 2014

Talking Comics is a highly irregular feature where I try to review a few new(ish) books with the help of my phone’s voice recognition software. It’s just like a regular comics review post except that it takes more mouth than fists to get it done on time, and is therefore far sexier than your average bloggy night on the town.

It’s also sort of like a bit of tech writing, except it’s even less useful to my future career as a failed magazine writer grumbling about social media in the corner of a pub on a cold Thursday morning.

That’s all we’ve got time for this week folks – don’t know if there’ll be any SILENCE! this week or not yet, but keep your eyes peeled because you never know what that amiable auld space god is capable of!

January 13th, 2014

JUST ONE MORE THING MA’AM…

Okay weaklings, time for a new year, and NEW. AWESOME. BODIES. Disembodied Resolutionbot X-15735 is here to get you started on Project: Rebuild 2014. Time to give up alcohol, give up food, and mostly give up goddamn comics, get off the sofa and get some exercise to other parts of your bodies than your Tweetin’ thumbs!! Now drop and give me 8,123 you maggots! Time to feel the burn. Feel it! Feel that burn!!! BUUUUUUUURN!

But first Disembodied Resolutionbot X-15735 will make you a delicious nutritious podshake to get you ready for the burn!

Silence Podshake

Ingredients:

- One part Gary Lactus and one part The Beast Must Die

- Two parts SponsorshipAdmin

- a liberal dose of Read Along-A-Silence

- One large Silence! News story covering (what else) THAT Alan Moore interview

October 1st, 2013

<ITEM> What is this disgusting Graphic Novel craze that is haunting the nation’s children?

<ITEM> Banish your shameful floppy addiction and get into the hardback stuff with this week’s rollicking and rambling edition of SILENCE!

<ITEM> This week sponsored a lot by Library – the greatest bookshop there has been or could ever be…

<ITEM> The lovable but sadly now fully attached (sorry gels) The Beast Must Die is flipping still on his holy honeymoon, meaning Gary is forced to recruit bobsy for more of his baneful civilising influence!

<ITEM> There are some riveting personal questions to be had and then!

<ITEM> Gasp as The Tall and his thrall batter their way into the reviewniverse, there to discuss the unique and neglected phenomenonenom of the Graphic Novel – a new type of comic that isn’t for kids! We cover such good’uns as Adamtine by local produce Hannah Berry, Cave In and Daybreak by the thundering Brian Ralph, Judge Dredd in Satan’s Island by Wagner & co, before swimming over to Fishtown by Kevin Colden.

<AND> the mysteriously entwined nautical pair of Set to Sea by Drew Weing and Black Lung by Chris Wright.

<AND> then into a brief and tenuous discussion of Nobrow #7 and the same publisher’s marvelous Jean Baptiste Baigorri 1: Cramond Island by Irkus M. Zeberio.

<ITEM> Normal service exists in the form of hasty reviews of monthly floppybooks Mysterious Strangers #4, Fairlaine the Goblin #1, Gambit #17, Sex Criminals #1, Sex #whevs, Wolverine and the X-Men and Jupiter’s Cheggersy before we suddenly realise we’d rather get on with our normal lives, for a bit, at least.

<ITEM> Oh, and at the start we talk about Saga #14 too. SPOILERS: only liars and the brain-damaged like Saga, but if comics needs another TV show – and soon – in order to keep the concept farm open for another year then yes, by all means give it another award.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. There are quite literally almost zero swear words to be heard in this episode of the world’s finest comics podcast.