I'm so excited! I hung out with cc_boy yesterday and we talked about kinky stuff. He said that he likes a lot of the stuff we've already done (water sports, me being tied up and blindfolded, semi rape play) and I told him that I really want him to spank me, flog me, hit me with bamboo sticks, etc. Just as we were talking about it he said that he was getting rock hard. I looked down at his shorts and lo and behold, I could definitely see it.

Unfortunately he doesn't seem that interested in going to the local fetish fair tomorrow (it would be a tease anyway since we can't afford any toys) but at least I know he's interested in beating my ass. Also in terms of him knowing my pain limits, I think it helped to show him pictures of what I looked like after my first caning (my ass was totally purple). And of course we discussed safewords and all that fun stuff. I can't wait to explore this with him!

but just remind him that this turns you on. i was sheepish about this sort of thing when i started too. i had a partner who loved being choked--- something i had a very hard time with. but she nudged me along telling me, reassuring me that it really was what she wanted, and that it really did get her hot. soon enough it got me hot. out of curiosity, i had her choke me so i could understand why she liked it, and i liked it too. when introducing any sort of kink, my rules are 1) make a game of it, so it's less threatening, 2) keep it light, and playful, 3)talk very specifically about what you like-- you're their entry way to this so usher them in gently. while these things are good for helping your partner relate and understand your kink, above and beyond that, they help you learn how to communicate in an open, but direct way with your partner. which is a good habit to get into.

good luck!

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"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve

I think I was just unsure about using play with household objects as opposed to actual toys. After my last post I started thinking about cc_boy using a belt on me. I never even thought about bamboo sticks before!

I'm a big believer in safe words. I remember when I was first flogged that I was annoyed with the guy because he said that I could just say "stop" whereas I wanted a real safe word. I think it will take a lot of talking to get cc_boy to understand the kind of pain that I want but the game sounds like a good way to start. Thanks gt!

ping pong paddles are cheap enough, and you can get them anywhere, you can also use wooden spoons or spatchlas. or if you are into caning you can get some thin bamboo used for gardens that works brilliantly. hardware stores are notorious for being a great place to pick up bdsm equipment. there is great rope there if you want to get into japanese rope bondage.

we've discussed pee-play (watersports), and tips for flogging. just scroll down, or go back a few pages. this thread has lots of good info.

we've also talked about safe words, which people tend to think is for wimps, but unless you are experts, and have been at it for years, then i suggest trying them. honestly the only people i know who don't use them are seriously hardcore being into TONS of bloody cock and ball needle and knife play. but they've been doing it for years who have lots of experience and can read each other as easy as you can tell when your partner sneezes.

remember, safe words are an unambiguous way of telling your partner how much you can take. right now cc_boy is afraid of hurting you. safe words let him know you can call your limit. it keeps him from wondering if you are really hurting or if you are just into it.

if you want more pain, try a little game tell i him you bet him that you can take more pain than he thinks you can. bet something like doing the dishes for a week or whatever. tell him that you will be honest and say a word that means something to both of you when it gets to be too much, but he must guess how many spankings you can take before he starts. be honest, even if it means you lose, but you need to learn to trust your partner to call their limit.

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"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve

cc_boy and I have been doing stuff that's a bit kinky: I pee on him. I've only done it twice but it's funny because it's something I never thought I would be into. But I think I get off on seeing how thrilled he is by me peeing on him. I'm thinking that maybe next time I could start off by being really dominant with him and ending it by marking him as my territory.

I've considered letting him pee on me but I'm not sure. I kind of like the fact that I'm the dominant one in that scenario since usually I'm the bottom.

I'm also wondering about experimenting with flogging with him. But there are some things I'm not sure about. For one, neither of us really knows how to flog. I've only been flogged by one person and he was really experienced. I don't know if there's a way to learn how to do it or if you generally just learn by doing.

Also, I'm not sure if cc_boy would be able to handle hurting me. The first time I got flogged I was crying like a baby but the guy just kept going until I couldn't take anymore. I imagine that as soon as I start crying or whimpering that cc_boy would stop.

And finally, neither one of us can afford a flogger in the first place. The good ones all seem to be between $100-200. He spanks me a bit but not hard enough. Can anyone think of something regular that he could hit me with?

Most of us have gone through that dilemma. It boils down to this: Are you less of a feminist/woman if you enjoy being spanked/tied up/gagged/etc during sex? No. Do you enjoy it? Are you doing something that makes you happy, satisfied and on a whole more in tune with who YOU are as a person or a woman? If the answer is yes, then thats all you can ask of yourself. Let go of your doubts and your guilt and be yourself. You sort of have to make your mind to get out of your way. I had to.

Take it slow. Make sure that you both understand where each other is coming from. If he has heavy dom fantasies, and you're comfortable with his level of control over fantasies vs. realities, then go for it. Let him top you. If you feel that he doesnt understand that the top only has the illusion of control, that the bottom says yes or no, then take it VERY slow or dont go there at all. The safety of play is important. You have to understand that ultimately, its PLAY. You cannot do it without rules.

One of my favorite things is being tied up and blindfolded. I've been tied to a spiral staircase, beds, couches, railings, etc. I love not being able to touch and I love the helplessness that comes with it. I adore when I have no control over whether he tickles me, pinches me, fucks me or spanks me.

Underneath that though, is a HUGE fear of rape. I dont like rape fantasies, but I understand where my restraint fantasies are based. Its a way for me to deal with a portion of that fear. Whether you enjoy what you do out of dealing with fears, or just plain liking it for no real understandable reason other than you were just wired that way, it doesnt matter.

You need to do whats best for you. If that includes finding the freedom that is offered in trusting another person with your body and subsequently your well being, if only for an hour or two, then go for it.

ok so i would say i am, in comparison to some of things i've read through!, a novice with BDSM. And im hoping that i can get a bit of an insight into the kind of mental preperation you need to arm yourself with before diving into some of this stuff.

I have a great partner, who finds me sexy and attractive and wants to pleasure me unconditionally, as I do with him. We are very comfortable with eachother and due to times spent in different countries have great communication. Basically, his sexual appetite is pretty immense, and he feels close enough to me to share his interests and sexual fantasies, some of which do scare me. I am happy to be tied up/held down, and get off on dirty talk and erotica. The issues I seem to have is when my mentality towards being sexually objectified clash with the physical pleasure I get.

I just seem to get really into things, and then mentally freak out at the possiblities of being treated solely as a sex object. Is this just a problem with trust in my realtionship?? is it just because im still fairly sexually inexperienced and have insecurities with my own body?

Im hoping someone can give me a bit of advice with why i might be feeling so torn between my morals and physical pleasure, and how i can get over it, because i really want to explore my sexuality.

very much appreciated, and for the record i really admire how you all embrace your wants and desires, its so fucking refreshing when you live in a pretty sheltered environment!!

thru almost no effort i'm having all of these opportunities in town. one of my favorite couples came into town, the domme was showing off her new boy-toy, and invited me to a femme domme tea, which they have once a month. it was ok, but it was fun to have a sub to play with for a half a second, and later he emailed me to say he liked playing with me. another guy, who is a heavy hitter, got my info, and invited me out to a show--- joey arias, who i'm not really a fan of, so i passed, but it was still pretty sweet.

now a domme friend of mine intro'd me to a switch who, not only has a crush on me, but has experience with aikido, brazilian ju jitsu tae kwon do, mui thai, and krav maga. he wants to show me some holds, pressure points, and some seizing and locking techniques! whoooooo!

i can't hardly wait <

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"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve

I've peed in a guy's mouth before. I also enjoyed the experience primarily because it turned him on and because of the novelty and dirtiness of it. The guy was definitely not submissive. He's quite dominant. I think he liked the novelty of it as well.

the terms top/bottom or domme/sub make it seem like you can't deviate from the role at all. But you can be a pushy bottom, there are many areas of grey, in my experience there is nothing particularly black and white (unless you're talking about the colour of bruisin, errr, that should be black and blue) about BDSM.

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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada

kittenb, there a whole bunch of stores you can peruse near you, though, they are more oriented towards gay men. you could always visit early2bed. i found shopping in that store to be an enjoyable experience (no pun intended).

can you be a domme and give someone oral? can you be a domme and like getting fucked hard? can you be a domme and like receiving anal?

some people would say no to any/all of the questions above, but i submit, dom/sub is not determined by the act, but the role one takes/chooses. this is of course not nec'rly true when talking about semiotics, but that is a whoooooole 'nother conversation. i served under a domme who LOVED anal sex. she demanded it. she was super bossy when she was being fucked, some would say that anal passive is automatically submissive, after that domme, i couldn't disagree more.

that said, if he was submissive doing it, then it might be a case of "dominant sub-aversion" my just made up term for what i was talking about in my first sentence.

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"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve

...Here's what I don't understand though. This guy is totally and completely dominant. Wouldn't asking me to pee in his mouth be sub behavior? He would never ever admit to being a sub or at the very least a switch, so I don't really get it from his point of view.

I also rode a Sybian over the weekend and didn't really like it that much. All the internal vibration and swirling just really made me want to queef or fart.

Well, maybe it just feels overwhelmingly sexual to him, without it seeming dominant or submissive to him. Kind of like squeezing breasts and bottoms which, for no good reason really when you think about it, feels sexy to most people. Or maybe, even without the label, you're in for some switchy fun somewhere down the road. A rose by any other name and all that. I know there was a time when the label "submissive" gave me a hincky feeling at the back of my neck too.

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There are years that ask questions and years that answer. - zora neale hurston

Thanks, girltrouble and culturehandy. I sorta knew I would be assured here..I guess that's why I decided to post and explore what I was feeling. For the record, I DID enjoy it. Not so much in a turn-on-ish way, but more in a new and unusual experience and "Holy Shit, Look how he's getting off on this" way. When he first asked me for this when we first met about six years ago I was waaay too judgey about it. Now that we've re-connected, I don't know...I'm more about trying out new stuff and getting rid of "that's not normal" stuff.

Here's what I don't understand though. This guy is totally and completely dominant. Wouldn't asking me to pee in his mouth be sub behavior? He would never ever admit to being a sub or at the very least a switch, so I don't really get it from his point of view.

I also rode a Sybian over the weekend and didn't really like it that much. All the internal vibration and swirling just really made me want to queef or fart.

lol... lola welcome to the thread-- the rule of thumb when it comes to starting new threads is : DON'T. if you have a question about which thread, or if a new thread should be created, the community forum thread is the place to do it. but you did the right thing! YAY!

as for golden showers, we've talked a bit about them in this thread. *shrugs* some people are squeamish about it, others aren't. i'm not. actually i've thought it was a lot of fun, and in a conversation with tes, we both agreed that, like most kinky activities, a great deal of how we feel about certain acts is determined by the spirit that we first experience it. to put it another way: if you have fun, it will be fun.

both tes and i were introduced to pee play in a way that was playful, light, and silly. any stigma or squeamishness was...er...washed away by the energy that our partner brought to it or that we did. for me it was "steering" or "aiming" --which is basically my girlfriend being curious about what it's like to have a penis and asking if she could hold it while i peed. pretty innocuous, and not something i think most people would be squicked out by it. for me it's not really even kinky. it's simply being curious. we talked and joked about it, and it went from there. but that spirit stayed. any pee play we did was more based in that childish wonder, that spirit of playfulness-- sweetness. after a while i learned more, things like how urine is sterile, so there is no chance of catching something, unlike other body fluids/excretions. and you can add other contexts to it. for me, later, i engaged in it with a spirit of adoration. i loved her so much, that nothing that had to do with her was taboo to me. if it had to do with her-- i adored it, which gets into some interesting domme/sub dynamics.

what does it say about you? my guess is either that you are open minded, or that one time you peed in someone's mouth. *shrug* on the scale of things, for me atleast, it's not a big deal. while your friends may "eeewww" you, here we don't. if it's not someone's cup of tea, they are free to say it, but we try to have a whatever-floats-your-boat attitude-- as long as it's SSC-safe sane and consentual or RACK- risk aware consentual kink.

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"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve

I wouldn't be too concerned. A lot of people just get weirded out by bodily fluids.

The only the thing you should question is whether you liked it or not. If you liked it, and he liked it, then you are two consenting adults. What you do in regards to kink is your business, and if you want to post about it here, then go ahead.

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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada