October 14, 2004

Dating: Location, Location, Location

Before you ask your sweetie out try to have an idea of where you want to go. (Get your minds out of the gutter for a minute.) Before you ever open your mouth you have to have a plan. A cunning plan. An agenda!

Why do I say that? Well let’s try something. Raise your hands if you know the 5 P’s.

Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Times up. Here goes: Proper Planning Prevents Pisspoor Performance.

Why is this relevant? Easy. Let’s try it this way: Which is more attractive to you?

“Um. Wanna go out Friday night?”

Or

“I was thinking that Friday night we could go to that little restaurant in Cedar Knoll that we like and then head over to the river walk for a concert by this swing band that is in town. Desert is a trip to your favorite DQ.”

No contest. The second answer has description, color, verve. The first has the appeal of a poorly wielded club by someone with a brow ridge as thick as a 2x4. Heck, after reading the second sentence I feel like going out with myself. (Alas I am unavailable.)

Even a routine evening can be presented in a fashion that offers similar appeal:

“I was thinking that after this past week nothing would suite us better than to stay home Saturday night, make popcorn, snuggle under the thick blankets in the basement and knock out a few hours of Tivo we have saved up.”

As a species we need to hear things, consciously and unconsciously. “I love you!” is grand but something like “I love how you always keep the toilet paper spindle full” actually conveys not just sentiment but appreciation and sentiment. Remember the phrase it’s not what you say but how you say it? It’s critical.

It’s with a heavy heart that I must confess my own inadequacies. While growing up I actually suggested, looking for a place to carry on some heavy smooching, that we go park behind the UPS building. How romantic was that? Certainly brings a romantic tear to your eye doesn’t it?

I’m actually not sure which is worse: the fact that she said “Yes!” or that I actually wound up there more than once. No doubt that if I were able to go back in time right now I would do my best to bean my younger self in the head with a trout for being such a toad. What a nimrod. *sigh*

In the end it’s all about proper planning.

On this you have to remember that dating is like real estate: Location, Location, and Location. If you don’t have a great plan for the occasion you are never going to see an increase in equity in the event. Heck if you really set yourself up with a stinker you can expect to see your initial investment collapse in a flurry of chores, grocery store trips or even God forbid, a passionate night of folding laundry. Ugh.

Try it yourself. Part of this effort of mine is that you experiment on your hapless loved ones. Pitch an occasion for just the two of you in different ways, the Neanderthal first and then the Impassioned way second. Let’s hear what works for you.