Chris Brown: Hours after he proclaimed he’s “not a monster” in a YouTube video, news broke that he’s been slapped with a lawsuit by a photog who claims Brown’s bodyguard beat him up. We’d say the hits just keep on coming, but that would just be a really bad pun.

PEOPLE: Put together a handy–but short–guide to some of the celebrity deejays out there. Kind of cool.

American Idol: Has there been a bigger upset in Idol history? We think not. And we totally blame all the pre-finale hoopla around Adam Lambert for his loss. The hype totally backfired on him!

Kanye West: Used his blog to declare “Justin is the new Mike, Beyonce’s the new Tina Turner [and] GaGa’s Madonna.” Kind of little soon to be making grand statements like that, no? Then again, this is Kanye West so…

Pete Wentz: Peeved at Gawker for including him, Ashlee Simpson and son Bronx, in their Stalker column. The result? “Hate mail” sent to Gawker on his behalf gives them another opportunity to make fun of him. Good work, Pete. But we suppose this tweet was Pete’s way of firing back again. To be continued?

Natalie Cole: The singer, who suffers from hepatitis C, had a kidney transplant this week. What would we do without organ donors?

Chris Brown: The New York Times has a really interesting piece exploring why teens might be siding with him in the Rihanna case. The court of law may decide his legal fate, but these kids get to decide whether to make or break his career.

Jennifer Lopez: Joined (ironically?) by a bunch of young C-list stars in a West Side Story photo spread in Vanity Fair.

Obama: Made some good quips with Jay Leno last night, but do people want a president that’s funny and taking time out for late-night appearances? Or does that make him seem more “real”?

Family Guy: Here’s a nomination for weirdest cross-over in TV history. Stewie will interact with David Boreanaz’s character on an upcoming episode of Bones.

VH1: Bringing back one of their old staples, Behind the Music. Which is interesting considering they don’t seem to do much with music these days. So far only Lil’ Wayne and Scott Weiland have been announced as the biography series’ subjects.

Pixar: The creators of Wall-E will have the honor of opening the prestegious Cannes Film Festival with their newest film, Up. With their track record, it’s bound to be a hit.

Twitter: The staff at Good Morning America is so happy about their Twitter use that they released a statement saying how they more followers than competing news programs. ‘Cause, you know, that’s what’s most important.

SIZZLED OUT: Kanye West

STILL SIZZLING: This comedian isn’t laughing now that he watched his own brother be indicted for stealing his money.

Rihanna: Most publications are reporting, based on “sources,” that she was indeed the victim of Chris Brown’s alleged assault. (The first to name her, perhaps unethically, was the Los Angeles Times.) As such, PEOPLE has an article on Kanye West’s concern for Rihanna: he’s “devastated” and would do “any and everything to help her.” He also says he thinks RiRi could be “the greatest artist of all time.” That’s a little much, Kanye. You can stop now.

Obama: The Mrs. will be only the second First Lady in history to be featured on the cover of Vogue. The first: Hillary Clinton. We would’ve guessed Jackie O!

Obama Pt. 2: Gave the Huffington Post the honor of being the first online publication to be called upon in a White House news conference. Will SIZZLE be next? (Hey, we can dream, can’t we?!)

Grey’s Anatomy: Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight are as good as gone. Apparently it’s just a matter of “when.”

Queen Latifah: Not best known for her singing but the girl does have a voice. She’ll prove it later this month when shes sings the classic “I’ll Be Seeing You” at the Oscars.

Future TV: A new report argues that, in the future, we’ll have the capability of watching TV through contact lenses. Tattoos that allow us to feel the character’s emotions may also be possible. Sounds bizarre. And incredibly intriguing!

My Network TV: In its own futuristic move, network is planning to stop being, well, a network. Instead it will just have two hours of syndicated programming each week night. The rest will likely be paid programing a la infomercials. As long as it includes ShamWow, we’re in!

Sports Illustrated: If the cover model (Bar Refaeli) for the Swimsuit issue is going to pull her bottoms down, couldn’t they at least make sure she didn’t have any tan lines? Or is that supposed to be hot or something?

Celeb Mags: No wonder we can’t get hired! The grocery line staples are suffering from major losses right now. Not that we didn’t already know that. And not that we wanted to work for tabloids, anyway. PEOPLE (our dream job!) was the only mag to grow!!!!

SIZZLED OUT: Nick Cannon (Mariah Carey)

STILL SIZZLING: A first-time survey by Forbes ranked this actor, known for his sitcom and movie blockbusters, as “Hollywood’s most valuable,” meaning he is the best at “ensuring the financial success of film projects.”

Kanye West: Babbling once again. This time it’s about wanting “devoted” and “core” fans rather than people who just like him because his songs are popular right now.

Perez Hilton: Again he proves what a fake he is by admitting in a new interview that he never watches television (and yet reports on it like he does!) and has his mom do everything gas his car to walk his dog (and yet makes fun of other celebs for having assistants!).

SIZZLED OUT: Leona Lewis

STILL SIZZLING: This actress threw her husband a birthday party this weekend, surprising him so well that he cried!

SNL: Why are people so surprised by the return of Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton? Aside from the fact that Poehler recently had a baby, we’ll probably be seeing a lot more of Clinton on the show since she accepted the media-heavy position of Secretary of State.

Twilight: The film franchise has hit its first stumbling block: Catherine Hardwicke and Summit have parted ways. Hardwicke will not direct the sequel, and the reason allegedly goes deeper than a simple schedule conflict.

PEOPLE: Redemption! The New York Times public editor is criticizing the piece the paper ran last month bashing PEOPLE. Turns out the NYT got some facts wrong! Will a retraction follow? We sure hope so.

NYT: Not sure we should trust them anymore (see above) but they’ve just released their list of the 10 best books of 2008. We’ve read approximately none of them.

Roger Ebert: Has “had it” with years of top 10 lists. So what did he do instead? Made a top 20 list.

SIZZLED OUT: Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry

STILL SIZZLING: We’re turning the tables on you. What juicy riddle do you have? We’ll print the best one tomorrow!

Mash-Ups: We are loving the mash-ups of rap songs and children’s programs. Some combinations: Spongebob and Eminem, Family Guy and Akon, Barney and Soulja Boy, etc. Pretty hysterical.

Kanye West: Forget music. Kanye is switching gears (or industries) and looking for an internship in the fashion world. Something tells us he won’t like getting coffee for the higher-ups, but we’ll let him figure that out all on his own.

Viacom: Laid off a whopping 850 people today at MTV, Nickelodeon, VH1, Comedy Central and other subsidiaries. Not a good day.

MTV: Holy crap! Long-time correspondent John Norris is supposedly one of the fired employees! What is the world coming to?!

Eliot Spitzer: Don’t count the former gov down and out. He’s been hired by Slate to write a column on goverment regulation. To all wondering, this does not include prostitution.

The Daily Beast: Great piece on why Gwyneth Paltrow’s new site (which goes by the oh-so-attractive name GOOP) is a big mistake.

Bratz: Victory for Barbie collections everywhere! A judge has ordered production on Bratz dolls to cease immediately (and for stores to send back their stock!) since the (ugly) dolls were conceived by a dude who worked for Mattel at the time. Ah, sweet revenge!

Sundance: No less than 3 journalism/media films in the mix. We’re dying to see The September Issue, which follows Anna Wintour and the production of Vogue’s September issue.