I have been in and out of counselling since I was 7yrs old. And my mother is a key element. However I don't feel it helps me. I have been keep diaries as long as that as well.

I am happy with how things are now. I see her only on the occasion. And when talking to her on the phone I have more control, cause i can end and hang up on her.

I don't hate my mother her, I feel sorry for her.

I have come to that place as too....I feel sorry for my mother as well. Much better then hate as that takes up so much engery. My sis still hates mother...and its really stuffing her around as she just cant let it go.

Sounds like you have come to a really good place then with it all...its just unfortunate that you still have to deal with your mums mistakes from other people by learning the things she has done.

Whats that old saying? 'You can choose your friends but you cant choose your family'. Frankly family can suck! I am estranged from my mother for reasons very similar to yours and it does sadden me that she will never get to see her grandkids however it was the choices SHE made that pushed me to it. But not havingher in my life has made me happy...happy that I dont have to put up with her crap and manipulation and that my children dont have to experience that as well. Being a mother isnt just about givng birth, its about nuturing your children and teaching them how to be the best people they can be. It sounds like your mother has been very self-centered.

Have you thought about seeking counselling? Just may help to get all this sorted out for you....especially if you are still in contact with your mum you made need some defences against the manipulation.

Its ok not to like your mum or not like the things she has done...maybe just keep her at arms length at the moment as you have a bubs on board that you need to concentrate on now so you can focus on your family.

As long as I have the support of my DH, who has been more or less my backbone for sometime, I can confront my mother. It's still hard to. But when that arguement erupted last year, she treaded and said somethings that I could and would not tolerate. It showed me that I was stronger then she was. It was.. kind of in a way liberating.

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It's quite earth shattering when you come to the realisation that you are stronger, kinder, etc etc than your parents. As kids, we hold our parents up as demi gods almost. They can do no wrong! But at some point, and I think it's different for everyone, we realise that they DON'T in fact know everything and they can be deeply flawed human beings. I'm so glad that you have found peace in yourself regarding how you feel about your mother.

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