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Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Stocktaking

I made a slightly jokey entry about juggling recently. In fact, I’ve really been stocktaking. Or rather, business planning. I’m not going to bore anyone with the details but I’m not quite going to hit my targets for this financial year so it’s time to get more serious about work stuff.

I took voluntary redundancy four years ago and have been gradually setting myself up as a freelancer in my field. The dramatic physical and psychological changes that came over me a couple of years ago, however, rather set me back and meant I needed to take a bit of time out from my plans to try to cope with the increased femininity. I have always known I was trans, from when I was teeny-tiny, but this state has been greatly enhanced recently, as often seems to happen to those in middle age. By sheer fortune, thanks to the generous redundancy package that came a little before this, as well as being unattached, I was able to direct my attention to coping with the need to be out and about as a woman without having to struggle so much with money, work or relationship matters. That was luck. It explains why I have spent so much time experimenting with living as a woman. I’m pretty sure I could now happily operate as a woman all the time if I so chose. However, although quite frightened at times by the ferocity of the changes that have come about, I am feeling rather more settled and actually looking forward to getting stuck into some work and earning more money. After all, we all have to earn a living, keep a roof over our heads, eat and keep healthy, and being male or female is really neither here nor there where life’s necessities are concerned.

It may seem a bit odd but, although I’ve had a ball these last 18 months and rarely been happier, I actually do want to get back into a routine of regular work and the satisfaction and dignity that go with it. It means I’ll be targeting my social outings more effectively, rather than just going out as and when. Don’t worry, though, I have no plans to become a workaholic and am looking forward to seeing friends both this weekend and next.