Writing and Blogging

This week I am one of the featured bloggers in a series about bloggers of a certain age called Between the Lines at Katherine’s Corner. This series will introduce you to more than 80 midlife bloggers over the coming months that are making their voices heard at this pivotal time in their lives.

As a part of this series, I have been asked to share my feelings about being a blogger at this point in life…what’s the point, why do I do it, what’s in it for me. First and foremost, it’s about showing others they are not alone. You are not in this thing by yourself, nor am I. We can isolate if we want to, that’s a choice. Another choice, however, is that we can reach out and create the relationships we need in order to do amazing things in the second half of our lives. I prefer this choice myself.

Making a turnaround is not a new idea for me. Years ago, almost 20 years ago now, my husband and I lost everything we had. We had two businesses; one good, one bad. The bad one ate everything we had; every dollar, every resource, every semblance of peace, every creative fiber and every hint of confidence we might have had. I can still, to this day vividly remember what it felt like being eight months pregnant, with a three year old, leaving my car in the snowy parking lot of the bank to hand over the keys to what had been just a small part of the collateral for our business loan. I know the horror of standing, shaking in my boots, in bankruptcy court, I know what it feels like to move back in with family until you can get back on your feet. The normal reaction to these events is to feel like you are the only one.

My reaction to this event was to talk about it, share my story and experiences. My husband was the opposite; kept it tucked in, wrapped it in shame. By talking about it, I found so, so many people that had experienced virtually the same thing, that had wholeheartedly recovered from their experience and were there to encourage me that I would too. They showed me I wasn’t alone. Any guess who recovered faster from this traumatic event in our lives?

I’m not saying midlife is as traumatic as losing everything you own, although for some it certainly may include that. I successfully made a major turnaround in my 30’s and now I am doing the same in my 50’s. Regardless of my circumstances, I know that this is a powerful time in my life and I intend to make the most of it.

I started this turnaround last year when I quit a job that had crossed every boundary I personally had. It was the first time I really stood up for myself and said NO, enough! It allowed me to really think about what I wanted to do with the rest of my working days, not what was the next expected step.

The only thing I had ever dreamed of doing was being a writer. Blogging provides me an opportunity to develop the discipline I need in order to finally be that writer and to finish the writing projects I have had in my mind for so long. The bonus for me…it also provides an amazing community. There are people all over the world willing to help, provide feedback, guide the way – to show me I am not alone, neither are any of you.

Its been a year now since I started my blog, Turnaround at 50. If anything I write makes someone think, “Well, she survived and is making it work, maybe I can too.” then I have accomplished what I set out to do. In reading my blog, you will likely feel my transition…from being pissed off, exhausted and overwhelmed to actually being able to enjoy basic everyday things. I have no idea where the blog and my other writing will take me, but I am so glad to have made this choice!

Took a road trip this weekend to meet up with 150 other bloggers in Las Vegas for the Bloggers @ Midlife 2016 conference (#BAM16). It was held at the beautiful JW Marriott Resort, away from the craziness of the strip.

JW Marriott – Beautiful place to spend a weekend

The internet is an amazing place to meet and interact with people but it is such a satisfying experience when you finally get to meet people face to face. I searched out and acknowledged those that have played such an important role in my turnaround over the past year. Unbeknownst to them, their words resonated with me in a profound way, giving me courage to continue each day and it felt important to look them in the eye and tell them so. As a bonus, I was also exposed to so many more really talented women, that I just can’t wait to learn from over the coming months.

Of course there was great content shared, inspiring speakers, and great vendors spoiling us with products, but there were also some AHA moments for me.

Here are a few of my takeaways from the weekend;

Midlife women are SO POWERFUL! There are approximately 100 million women over 45 in the United States. We have the wisdom, the passion and the resources to influence the world in amazing ways. But it’s up to us to seize this opportunity and not give into the myth of invisibility. I know I am not ready to stand down. It’s time to own it!

Not one of us graduated high school with a burning desire to be a blogger. Blogging, as with so many tech driven platforms, opportunities and hustles simply didn’t exist when we were starting our adult lives.

The job market has undoubtedly changed in the last 50 years, pushing Millennials down a less traditional career path than the Boomers took. Many will need to utilize a number of side hustles in order to reach their financial and career goals. The good news is these hustles are also available to midlife women and they are changing, for the better, the way we face retirement.

And then my favorite nugget of information: the average age of a bestselling author is 55! Such good and encouraging news for me. Apparently I am not crazy, this is when this writing thing happens! Sounds like, for once, I am in the right place at the right time.

Midlife bloggers – huge colorful hearts!

Beyond the how to’s and process steps we learned, these things feel foundational to me. This is what I will build on over the rest of this year…definitely bringing these home from Vegas with me!

I am so excited! I have officially survived my first year blogging! Hard for me to believe its been a year since I started my blog and began a turnaround in my life.

I am so appreciative of all the people that have read it over the past year. It embarrasses me when people I know mention it. It’s much more comfortable sending it out there to strangers, but I love it when people reach out to me about something I wrote that affected them in some way.

Here are a few of the lessons that I learned in my first year blogging:

I am acquiring new skills each day. My husband laughs at me when he notices me high fiving myself after I have figured out how to do something new and cool on my blog. “Learned a new trick?” he asks. Yes, in fact I have! High five me! Blogging has allowed me to learn new skills everyday. I have always considered myself a life long student and in the ever changing blogesphere I am immersed everyday in learning opportunity.

I am making progress. As new skills are learned, the osmosis takes over and whether we realize it or not, progress is being made. My blog gives me a visual representation of the progress I have made over time. For example, last year someone built my site for me, this year I am working on one all by myself. That’s not to say little techy details don’t attempt to kick my ass everyday…like this week when I completely locked myself out of my site. But now I also have many examples to look back on and see the progress I have made.

I have a tribe. Although techy details try their best to deter me, I have a tribe of people out there willing to help me. I can ask questions anytime of day or night of people from across the globe and they will attempt to help. That is crazy…I have never quite had that connection in my work before. I am getting ready to attend another blogging conference in April, this one is specific to bloggers at midlife. These are truly my people and I am so looking forward to meeting some of these women that I have grown to admire over the past year, face to face.

This is for me. I have to admit, I can get sucked into the numbers, all the analytics of blogging. How many visitors did I have today? How many subscribers do I have? What countries are reading my posts?! It can be challenging to keep your focus on your true purpose when you are watching your stats by the hour! Earlier this year I asked my husband how he would describe my mission in life. It’s a good exercise to get feedback from those that know you best on a question like this. He said without hesitating, “Your goal is to help people, women especially, always has been.” While the numbers are addicting, the purpose of this is to provide me with an avenue to help people. If I can do that, even if it only helps one person, I am doing what I was put here to do. Ultimately this is for me, this is my mission. The numbers take second.

My turnaround is a work in progress. There are so many things I thought I was missing out on…things I felt like if I could just do “that” I would be happier and more fulfilled. Turns out there were only a few core things I was missing and I am working to make those priority each day now.

Some days I got nothing…and it’s okay. The idea of wanting to be a writer and actually putting it on paper everyday are two totally different things. Some days, simply put…I got nothing, or at least it seems that way. It can be intimidating to think that this thing you have always wanted to do, that you believe you were meant to do, might not happen because your mind feels empty. Can there truly be not one original thought in this head of mine? Is the well really so empty? I understand now that writing inspiration comes from consciously living your life.

It doesn’t have to be a fancy life. It won’t necessarily always feel good either, but just living it with your people, experiencing things together, having conversations, asking questions, allowing for natural curiosity. All those things I never made time for previously…this is where ideas, critical thinking and creativity are born.So now, when I got nothing, its okay, it’s not distressing. My dreams aren’t being crushed! Just need to let it go and live a little~

I think I can work with that.

Thanks again for reading my words over the past year. If you feel moved to do so, please subscribe to my blog in the upper right hand corner and share with people you know!

Writing with baggage

I have been thinking a lot lately about the challenge of writing with baggage. We all carry some with us; some using it for their eventual destruction, while others use it for their ultimate good.

Then I watched Kelly Clarkson perform her song Piece by Piece on American Idol this week. I haven’t watched Idol in quite some time, but everyone’s reaction to her performance on social media piqued my interest. Check out the hyperlink above and watch if you haven’t seen it yet, oh, and get a tissue.

Maybe you had a picture perfect life and watching someone publicly confront and deal with their baggage doesn’t affect you, but if you are like me and millions of others out there with trunk loads of crap from their past stored neatly away in orderly compartments, she stopped me cold.

Letting it go

I was humbled by her ability to let it out. In a recent Glamour Magazine interview, she said she still couldn’t sing the song the entire way through without breaking down, and she didn’t quite make it in this attempt either. Maybe parts of the story are still trying to stay safely tucked inside. I can’t help but imagine the space within her, though, that is freed up every time she sings this song out loud. Opening that dark space up is the only way to make room for the good stuff that life brings.

As someone attempting to find their voice in writing I have struggled most with finding a place that sounds authentically like me. Sometimes I write things and they are shiny and pretty, following the prescribed formulaic steps that someone else has laid out but I don’t see myself in the words.

I find myself writing things, then hesitating, thinking “What would (fill in the long list of blanks) think?” How will this affect my kids, my parents, my siblings, my neighbors, my friends, my co-workers, my clients? This is where the self censoring begins. How do you ever balance respect for others in your world with the need to make peace and come to terms with your truth? How do we get over our issues if they never see the light of day?

Journaling has always helped me with release of energy from my past, but it is still kept somewhat hidden and private. Maybe this is why I feel the need to write so strongly, as a way to get rid of some baggage and make room for the good stuff yet to come. As I embrace midlife, I don’t have time or desire to do it any other way.

Thank you Kelly Clarkson for reminding me that I’m ready to free up some space myself.