Monday, May 13, 2013

Fun with platitudes!

So yesterday was Mothers Day, and we got to hear all the usual Mothers Day sacrament meeting platitudes, along with a number of actual insights.

And it just so happens that one of my least favorite Mother Day illustrations got vectored. It goes as follows (you may recognize it):

A good mother is someone who, upon discovering that there are five people at the table and only four pieces of pie, suddenly declares that she never cared much for pie anyway.

Even leaving aside the glorification of such self-abnegation as a uniquely and positively maternal quality (which is simply wrong on many, many levels), i’ve long thought that there is one good thing about this false statement about what it means to be a mother: It lends itself well to parody.

Consider:

A real mother is someone who, upon discovering that there are five people at the table and only four pieces of pie, suddenly points out that it is time for everyone to go to bed. Fortunately, when the morning comes she has disposed of the pie so that there can be no arguments about it.

Alternately, we could go all mathematical about it:

A smart mother is someone who, upon discovering that there are five people at the table and only four pieces of pie, recognizes that if four people each get 80% of a piece of pie, what remains gives the fifth person an equal share.

In a perhaps more serious vein, Jeanne (my wife) jotted down her version, which emphasizes foresight in avoiding arguments:

A good mother is is someone who, upon discovering that there are five people at the table, cuts the pie into five pieces.

2 comments:

I really don't like pie. So, pretty much, there wouldn't be pie on the table in the first place. If it was something I like, though, I'd totally eat it. I'm just not that selfless. And I like food.

We had some really good talks on Sunday for once. The only other Mother's Day that I thought was any good was when the talks were on Eve, Mary (mother of Jesus), and Emma (Smith). This year the youth speaker talked about how mothers are "sometimes always right." The second speaker combined missionary work with motherhood. He's one of 14 and leaving for the Belgium-Netherlands (Dutch speaking) mission in a month. He did a great job. And then the final speaker is a sister who is infertile. They have a little boy through adoption. Her talk was absolutely beautiful. It really got to Brother Behm. He could barely announce the closing song afterward.

The primary children sang, of course. And then, in the silence after I Often Go Walking while the mothers were wiping their eyes, my 6 year old says "Did we do perfect?" It always seems to be my kid.