The misunderstood F word

A while back, a woman on Twitter accused Tony Mochama (Smitta of Pulse) of sexual harassment and the issue caused a furore. Many discussions arose from that incident, some which had very valid points. I did not comment on the issue then (on the blog) though I contributed to the online conversation on Twitter. Here was my take: sexual harassment is wrong. Period. Now the choice of media was another issue altogether. I do not advocate to putting someone up on a public court and putting his reputation on the line. What shocked me in the course of those discussions is that at some point in the conversation several men accused us (women in the conversation) of feminism. Strike One.

Last week a woman was stripped by Embassava touts for being ‘indecently’ dressed – As if the loud music in the matatu and ‘forgetting’ your change is not bad enough, why not add stripping female customers to the list of lousy customer service and the Kenyan tout job description. This incident has spiked a lot of reactions from various people. In the course of discussing this issue in class today, one of my classmates said “Sometimes women dress very indecently and they get what they deserve. You are only defending her because you are a woman.” For a moment, I was too upset I had trouble breathing. What? How a master’s student can reason and talk like that is beyond me. Strike Two.

Because I don’t want to wait for strike three to happen (honestly I don’t think I can take it) let me talk about the elephant in the room; Feminism. But before we get there, let me set something straight. There is no justifiable reason to strip a woman naked in public. So what if her dressing offends you? Get angry, talk about it but by all means don’t touch her let all alone strip her. If I hear one more person talking about how women dress indecently as a response to this stripping issue I will burst. It is the same ridiculous argument that people use to justify discrimination. Simply put, it is intolerance and it is wrong! As a society, we hold different values and so we will disagree with one another every now and then. And it is OK. However, no individual holds the moral authority to punish another. We live in a civilized society (at least I hope so) and we should act like it. As a Christian, #MyDressMyChoice is more like #MyDressGod’sChoice. This informed by my values of modesty and decency. However, not everybody believes in the same things that I do. In this regard, I am allowed to take someone aside and talk to them about their dressing but the last buck lies with that person.

Back to the elephant. For the longest time I have always seen feminism as a negative thing. And why shouldn’t I? Every time feminism is talked about there is almost always a negative connotation. Most of the time it is used as an insult – “you are such a feminist.” Like, you should be offended because I called you a feminist. It was only after I was accused of being one that I actually researched about it. So, what really is feminism?

According to the dictionary, feminism is simply the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men. Now I know in the process of fighting for equal rights, some women got carried away and wanted men banished from the earth 🙂 That is not the feminism we are talking about. We are talking about feminism that is concerned about the girls in the village who are married at a tender age and wants them to get better opportunities in life. We are talking about the feminism that looks at girls not attending school because of their periods and looks to provide pads to them. We are talking about Beyond Zero campaign, being concerned that many women die during childbirth and looking for ways to better maternal health.

As a Christian wife, I have written severally on women and submission in marriage and being a suitable helper. No, by advocating for feminism I am not contradicting myself. Far from it. I strong believe that each of us (men and women) have our roles for which we are suitable for. I also agree that there is a certain order God put in families and in that regard of roles, we are not equal. However, when it comes to opportunities of education, health, security and respect for human rights we are equal. Every person (male or female, black or white, young or old) is entitled to these things. So if we are talking about feminism that disregards men and refuses to respect them then I am not a feminist. If we are talking about feminism that is keen on doing things to prove that we are as good as men, count me out. But if we are talking about feminism that is worried by levels of rape and sexual harassment of women then I am feminist. If we are talking about respecting women, hearing their opinions (both in private and in public) and giving them equal opportunities then by all means I am a feminist.

Let me clarify here that is no competition of the sexes. It does also not mean that because I support respect for women I therefore do not advocate for men to be respected. They are not mutually exclusive. Not at all. If I am vocal about women issues it is only because as a woman, I can fully identify with them.

I also ask that we put bottom lines with regard to certain issues. For instance, sexual harassment is wrong, regardless of who did it and to whom it was done. The same way when someone is killed we don’t seek to find out whether the victim was male or female before we can agree that murder is wrong.

So, other than wife, aspiring mother, family blogger etc I have a new title; feminist and I’m really happy about that. I invite our men to fight this battle with us. You are our brothers, fathers, boyfriends (friendzone counts) and husbands. Honor us, be enraged when we are treated with disrespect. Stand with us, we promise to stand with you in your battles as well.

I am Wanjiru Kihusa and I’m a writer and founder of Still A Mum – an organization that seeks to reduce maternal and newborn deaths in Africa. I am especially passionate about women and children.
I blog to share my thoughts and experiences hoping that in the process someone will learn from my life.

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Comments

What a wonderful piece to read early in the morning! I have really enjoyed reading this piece, because last Friday, I had a major argument cum discussion in my office, where one woman (a future medical doctor no less) completely refused to acknowledge that she’s a feminist. I tried to explain to her that there are different types of feminisms, since her only exposure to feminism has been radical feminism. I have always proudly called myself a feminist, and glad that you call yourself one as well, having defined the boundaries of your own engagement. I would also add that feminism is a movement committed to equality of the sexes.

On this part “..in that regard of roles, we are not equal..” I’m not sure I completely agree with you (I’m Christian as well). I think using word “equal” creates idea that one role is superior to another. What about saying “different” roles?

“Stand with us, we promise to stand with you in your battles as well.” -> one of our HEAVISET battles is inconsiderate female behavior that assaults our vusially sexual senses every moment of everyday via scanty dressing.

I absolutely agree w/ you that sexual harassment is wrong. Period. But the sad truth is life is never perfect & at some point the constantly frustrated make will resort to wrong measures to vent. The one thing no female I seeing (of which I fully understand by the way) is that the stripping was a very subconscious way of the men actually showing some degree of frustration.

Do you know how it feels to be constantly BOMBARDED daily, almost hourly by female anatomies that shouldn’t hinestly be on display? It is actually an issue w/ men, especially those who try to be honorable about it. Yes, we live in a society w/ different views and life will never be perfect. I fully agree w/ you. But I also want to acknowledge the ad truth that as long as this world exists, men will never stop reacting explosively to this issue just as surely as VERY few females will ever dress honour ably. Cycle of life.

And if you want to know its a male thing, look at how your husband / boyfriend etc is VERY touch w/ how you dress. Also, if it’s your dress your choice amd there’s no actual effect on the men, why would NONE of those same females ever let their female househelps dress like that i from of their husband / boyfriends every evening when they’re around the house working? Her dress her choice!

It all boils down to this: as a man, I have to choose whether or not to react to female sexual provocation in a like & aggressive manner or differently. And as a woman, you all have to decide whether you’ll be a decent dresser in honour of the struggle men GG thriugh trying to be faithful, of if you’ll get your worth from being sexually alluring.

Sexual harassment is wrong. Period. But so is what females have been doing. Amd this stripping was just a negative but indicative action of something males actually struggle w/ a lot on the daily. One of those things in life that doesn’t have a true solution really.

As a Christian, #MyDressMyChoice is informed by my values of modesty and decency. I am allowed to take someone aside and talk to them about their dressing but the last buck lies with that person.

I read a comment made by a friend (a Christian male) last night about #MyDressMyChoice and the level of indifference let alone portraying that the campaign has been blown out of proportion really upset me and it took everything within me not to comment on His post as I would not have been polite… NOTHING can justify violently stripping a woman (or anyone for that matter) in public. Some argue that the Embasava lady really was dressed provocatively and deserved what happened to her (This comment REALLY enrages me… Deserved??? Absolutely not. No one deserves to have their nakedness put on display just to humiliate them and to cop a feel because let’s face it. The intentions of those perpetrating the stripping is less than honorable. Why reveal what should be covered up if not to satisfy your lust? This brings to mind the story of Noah, when he got drunk one night and lay in his nakedness. One of his sons laughed at him and ridiculed him. But the other when he realized what was happening turned his eyes away and sought out a robe to cover the father… and the outcome, the son who laughed at his father was cursed!)

And let’s not forget that this is NOT THE ONLY INCIDENT. There is the one that happened in Mombasa. And this young lady was wearing blue jeans…. And I am sure if we really look into it, we will discover other similar incidences dating back to time in memorial. I remeber a time when the Mungiki sect would look for women dressed in short skirts and pants and strip them. And similar to the current reaction, many stood by and watched it happen, some even encouraging them!

It’s a high time we put an end to this. It should not be permissible to infringe on one’s basic right to be clothed. Neither should it be permissible to physically assault someone so that you can impose your will and desires upon them. There are various ways of expressing your displeasure and outrage that are for more respectful and effective. I really hope and pray that our (the society’s) eyes will be open and we will stand for what is right. We will speak up when an injustice is committed and we will ensure that culprits are brought to justice, but we will also speak up when morality is compromised and address it at it’s core rather than react to the indicators as that is akin to putting a bandage on a wound that is already septic. The infection will continue to spread on the inside even though it appears “clean”.