Giraffe Kills Extremely Rare, Decent Human

Gregory the Giraffe, a lobbyist from Arlington Heights, Illinois, is an undeniable sharp shot with a rifle. The South African native has been hunting for years, with human trophies from all over the world: France, China, Germany, Australia.

But his latest trophy has social media in an uproar, calling his big game hunting practices cruel and unusual. Just last month, in June 2018, Giraffe entered the Lincoln Park Zoo and killed an extremely rare, decent human.

Sandy Ullman, the victim of Giraffe’s hunt, was a caregiver for the Elephant house and her death is now being classified as an illegal hunt-and-kill.

It is illegal in the US to kill humans at zoos, which are protected under the same laws as national parks against hunters or poachers. Still, these large kill expeditions drive the wealthiest of wild animals from all over the world annually to remote areas for a shot at claiming unique and valuable human beings.

Activists have gathered outside the Giraffe’s tudor home, shouting words like “barbaric” and “immoral” to describe his actions. Even supporters of the freedom to hunt humans believe Ullman’s death was wrong.

Giraffe has been unavailable for comment, but is expected to appear in court for poaching charges next month.