Miami University in Ohio makes segregation fashionable again

Sunday

Jan 31, 2016 at 11:22 AMFeb 1, 2016 at 8:09 AM

BEVERLY HILLS — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

BEVERLY HILLS — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The People vs. O.J. Simpson mini-series debuts Tuesday and recalls the murder, the slow-speed car chase and the courtroom drama. One of O.J.s’ lawyers is responsible for everything that’s wrong with today’s pop culture. The sign in Robert Kardashian’s gym clearly stated Do Not Bang Dumbbells.

Daily Variety reported that a white British actor will play Michael Jackson in the road comedy movie Elizabeth, Michael and Marlon. Everyone in Hollywood understood the casting decision. It looks like an Academy Award-winning movie role and the producers didn’t want to take any chances.

Missouri dismissed star quarterback Matty Mauk Wednesday after a video was posted showing him snorting coke. He’d been caught on tape other times partying. If there had been cell-phone cameras in the 70s, Baby Boomers would still be working off our community service sentences.

The GOP candidates took turns in Thursday’s Fox News debate in Iowa describing how they would defeat ISIS. Right now, the administration strategy is to back Iraq by helping the Iranian army run ISIS out of Iraq. This war has more "I’s" in it than an Obama speech about someone else.

Donald Trump made a point before his Thursday fundraising event for Iowa’s war veterans of inviting Hispanics. He’s toned down his anti-immigrant rhetoric since he went to church Sunday in Iowa. He closed his eyes and asked God for direction, and God gave him the directions in Spanish.

Bristol Palin went on Twitter Thursday to rip Tina Fey for her spoof of her mom Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live last weekend. There’s a more serious problem. First Sarah Palin endorses Donald Trump and then he quits the next debate, indicating to bacteriologists that Sarah’s contagious.

Hillary Clinton addressed an auditorium full of evangelicals in Iowa Thursday where she was asked how her views align with the Ten Commandments. It’s a good question. No one would say Hillary Clinton is opposed to the Ten Commandments, but she’s not exactly married to the idea either.

Hillary Clinton was asked at the Democratic town hall for candidates on Monday to name her favorite U.S. president and she said Abraham Lincoln. That silenced her opponent. It’s long been rumored in Washington D.C. that Bernie Sanders and Mary Todd Lincoln were more than just friends.

Miami (Ohio) University will host the White Privilege Conference this spring for white college kids around the country. They’ll scrutinize their built-in advantage in the English-speaking world. You can’t make it up, after 60 years the Democrats have managed to make segregation fashionable again.

Madrid newspapers report a bullfighter fought a bull in Spain while holding a 5-month old infant girl in his arms. The public is demanding he be arrested. The whole idea of having Western values is so that bullfighters and Navy SEALS never, ever observe Take Our Daughters to Work Day.

Donald Trump addressed the issues of the day in a CNN interview on his plane Thursday. The candidate stayed in character when asked about the Zika virus. He said we’re going to build a 2,000 mile mosquito net along the U.S. border with Mexico and we’re going to make Raid pay for it.

Donald Trump skipped the Iowa GOP debate Thursday because he did not trust the Fox News moderator Megyn Kelly to ask him fair questions. He got off easy this time. Usually, when Donald Trump breaks things off with a younger blonde woman, he winds up having to pay community property.

The New York Post reports Russian communists are furious that Leonardo DiCaprio will play Lenin in a new film shot in Russia because he’s not Russian. They threatened to block film crews from entering the studio. In his current movie he’s mauled by a bear, so he could pass for Ukrainian.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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