Hello you awesome people and welcome to our Wedding Wednesdays Q&A! This is where we answer all your wedding planning questions so that you can get the help you need. This week we are talking about the ceremony officiant: Our ceremony officiant is a pastor and a family friend and I’m really excited about it as it will be so nice to have someone we know marry us. I want to pay him for all the work he is doing, but he said he isn’t charging us and wants to do it for free. I still want to give him something as a thank you, so I’m planning on putting together a little note and some type of thank you gift. But, I’m wondering when I should give it to him? On the day of the wedding? Before the wedding? Or after the wedding?

Great question! First off I want to say that I agree that it’s great that you have someone you know marrying you. The ceremony itself will be so much more personal since they know who you are, but you’ll also just feel more comfortable on the day of with someone you know vs. a stranger.

To answer your question, you really could do any of the options you mentioned. You could give it to your ceremony officiant on the day of the wedding and this option is nice because it’s an immediate thank you. If you choose this option, I’d suggest that you designate someone to hold on to your tip and/or gift for you. If you have a wedding planner, they’ll take care of this for you, but if you don’t, then choose a responsible family member to take on the task. You’ll still want to be the one to give it to them since you know them and they are a friend, but your designated person will be the one to hand it to you (and remind you) after the ceremony.

For all couples, the wedding day can be rather hectic and many don’t want to have to think or worry about handing out a tip, so giving it to your ceremony officiant either before or after the wedding can be a better option. After the ceremony rehearsal is a great time to pull him to the side and hand it to him before the wedding. Or if you like the idea of thanking him after the wedding, then you can always mail it a few days after the wedding.

All three options are totally fine since this is a gift and a thank you, but one thing to keep in mind is that if you are giving him a physical gift, you’ll want to give it to him before or after the wedding so that it is both easier for you and for him to handle.