Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Was your morning coffee (or oatmeal, in Margarete's case) just a tad less enjoyable without the daily trials and tribulations of yours truly?Are you hankering for more?

Hmmmmmm????

You do realize this could take days…..nay, weeks to bring you up to speed....However shall I begin?

As I type this post (on best bud laptop) it’s sitting on a makeshift stand, which is actually about 3 inches too high for my typing comfort. (Where’s a good phone book when you need one?) So, I’ve found the next best thing: an unopened 3-year-old package of beige curtains that I thought were regular ole’ curtains but turned out to be something called a “window scarf”.

What exactly is a "window scarf"?! And why did I not realize it was about 30 feet long and completely useless as a window covering...but would someday be terribly tushy-cushy in place of a much-needed-but-absent-telephone book?? I have three unopened packages of these if anyone’s interested.Don't ask.But you can’t have ‘em till I find another desk for my laptop.

“What happened to your old ‘desk’?” asks Jackie. (She uses the term “desk” loosely….I can totally relate.) I'm glad you asked.Ever the exemplary mother, I gave it to Connor whose room is on the petit-size and he needs ever the more vertical storage. Yes, I am that good. I am temporarily using a stupid, broken-down piece of crap that Taylor practically destroyed in “The Pit” (old place…remember?) and it was a laugh-a-minute trying to position it into a corner of the office, as one leg kept breaking off and it’s made of this high-end laminated pressboard that weighs approximately 4 ½ tons….every time the leg fell off, the top of hit me in the head.

Good times....lots o' bumps.

I shall spend the remainder of this post explaining why no-one has heard from me via email, as it’s a doozy of a story.

You see, by moving my residence a mere 11 miles away from “Da Pit” I’d inadvertently put us into Comcast territory…no longer allowed the Optimum Advantage. (Normally, I’d include a spiffy logo around here, but I’m just too tired to find one….forgive me…and then get over it.)

I actually drove down to Cablevision for a serious face-to-face pow-wow…hoping to persuade them to allow me to be the first-ever resident on this new street worthy of running 9 tons of cable just so I could keep my beloved email addresses that I’ve have for the last 247 years.

They said “Nope….Can’t help ya. Sorry. Buh-bye. Have a nice life. It was really great taking your money all these years. Don’t let the heavy glass door hit you too hard on the way out.”

I actually called Comcast from Cablevision’s parking lot and was told it would be 7-10 working days to install my voice, data and cable in the new abode. I told them I’d sooner die a slow and painful death…and most likely would once my sons were made aware of this catastrophic piece of information. The nice anonymous lady on the phone (her name was C.J.) became sympathetic to my plight as I rambled on about Cablevision casting me aside “like a sock that’s lost its mate in the wash when the other one could still eventually turn up when you least expect it, like when you finally get the movers to pick up the washing machine and you find the half a dozen mismatched socks you’d been looking for the last 2 years….and how important it was to nevergive up on things...'cause they could eventually come back to you...or bite you, depending on your perspective, of course...”.

Actually, I don’t know if she was so much sympathetic as anxious to just get me to go away. No matter….she managed to schedule an “emergency slot” for Saturday, the 13th- the day after our move.

The story of the actual move on the 12th will have to wait till tomorrow…as well as the Twilight Zone events that transpired over the weekend. When I said I was "pooped" before, I didn't know the meaning of the word....now I truly know.

I fear this may be a 6-part-series. Is this a good thing, or a bad thing??

I guess we’ll see.

Just know this, my beloved friends….as of this moment….10:36pm, Tuesday September 16, 2008….I can RECEIVE your emails but I have no capability to actually ANSWER them. To say it’s frustrating is the understatement of the century.

Cablevision neglected to mention this tidbit in our last communication.

If you only knew.....

Wait. You WILL. HA.

Tomorrow (9/16), I will rectify this conundrum…or die trying. Meanwhile, those of you that love me can reach me on my cell, as it’s evidently the only number in my life that has remained constant….as my address, home telephone number and email address have/will all change(d). Just keep in mind that coverage in this neck of the woods is spotty at best...evidently being too close to the Connecticut border is confusing the cell towers and there's a custody dispute over who gets to transmit my calls....sometimes neither state seems to care, so I wind up with nothin'. Nada. So my cell calls are WAY down, but my voicemails are WAY up.

Oh, and I figure I’ve aged at least 5 years in the last week.

But, I’m taking that BACK...eventually….plus 10 for pain and suffering.

Okay...now you're freaking me out. I've just checked not only my hard drive "inbox" but even the webmail...you ARE sending it to internalmakeovr@optonline.net...right? I've received nada. (Not that I could answer you, anyway...)What state are you in?

It's alive!!! I won't be calling your cell as I'm sure your minutes are all but used up. I shall wait for Saturday & then I will make my move. Glad to hear you're doing as alright as one can be during a move.

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welcome!

I'm glad you stopped by. Now that you're here, I hope you'll breathe and reboot. Cocktails are optional, but highly recommended. Not that you need one to find me utterly charming...but it couldn't hurt.So pour yourself a glass of Cloudy, raise it high and send a toast to all of us. I'll try my best to make you smile. But if I fail, just pour yourself another...it's a win/win.