Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Affect vs Affection

"Redbull gives you .... wings."

So B and I used to watch lots of Dexter. And one thing about serial killers and just crazy people in general is they have a "Flat Affect" if you are not a scientologist and still believe Psychology is a thing. In real terms, this means they weird you out by not reacting with emotion to the things around them the way a normal human would.

I'm not Dexter, but like many hackers I have a bit of a different emotional reaction to many things that most humans do. Maybe it's because I get all my rage out on computers, and never people - people are fucked up and you have to expect that they're going to sleep with your coworkers and generally misuse your expectations. It never makes me angry when they do that, the way it does when my Solaris exploit isn't working because they built two different size fucking code caches into different chips with the same name.

What that means is that when I'm in a relationship with a girl they often are like "Why are you never mad?" and so I always wonder if normal guys are constantly yelling like gorillas over nothing all the time. Even my divorce lawyer told me he felt like he was dealing with a robot during the whole negotiation.

I'm not sure what to do about this. Maybe pretend to get angry more? My emotional stack needs some sort of upgrade.