Why, Huh- Row ^_^lolz!!...Well i guess I thought I jump on the Twittertrain & sign up to see wat it is all about! The problem I have wit it so far is that I just can't get into like I want to. How do you make Twitter fun? I really wana know! Maybe its not for everyone i guess, because I don't even change my Facebook status or AIM or gTalk away message as often. I don't undesrtand telling people wat your doing at every moment of the day. A friend of mine told me he Tweets when he is in class and has no one to text. Do you jus place your thoughts instead of wat your doing? That seems more like wat I would do, but even so I can't get the jist of doing it all the time. Maybe Im too lazy for Twitter, it seems like its for the dedicated! But, it also seems fun if done correctly. So i guess Im asking all of you that have Twitters or like to read them to tell me some ideas of wat makes Twitter an addiction for you! Tank you Kindly!

If you would like to follow me [that would be really nice & helpful! The more readers I have the more dedicated I would be towards Tweetin...BTW i have started and my last update was a few days ago..see wat I mean! lolz] Twitter.com/qu33nkam

``The game got these old hand prints on it /But I'ma be the one that pour cement on it /Uh, and start over``

I really wish life had one of these things cuz Lord knows I would have used it a long ass time ago!My life, like many,has been a whirl win of drama that I wish I could just erase. My past is so complex it haunts me everyday and it hurts! My past wont leave me alone and Im tired of being reminded of the ppl I used to kno or the things that I used to do like Damn! Can a bitch get a break! A close friend of mine sent me a text that didn't sit too well with me My actions from the past are catching up with me and its like damn one lil thing can ruin your life! I feel betrayed because its like the one person I wish would be there and not hurt me has! IDK why I crave this person's approval so much its ridiculous when the only approval I need is Gods. I can admit I put ppl I care and love on a pedestal && disappointing them hurts me more than them. I guess they are high in my life because they have the power to destroy it && it scares the shit outta me that my reputation with them is being tarnished. But, its crazy because in all reality I know who I am && I know what Im worth && even if you think you know me you really don't. No one knows me like I know me && that is the truth. I made mistakes in the past I wish I could re-do so bad, just because I hate the feelin of being stupid && making stupid decisions. However, wouldI be a happier person if I did that? Would my life be any better if I had a reset button and started over like things never happened. I feel I am a great person && my past has shaped me to be the person I am. Im more smarter and know alot more about life, but the devastating fingerprints it leaves behind it wat I don't like. I guess ppl are forever going to have a picture in their mind of who they think you are regardless of how cookie cutter you want or try to be. Its crazy becuz my life has had its low lows, but my situations have never been as bad as they could have been, because even when you think your at your lowest point know that it can be even lower than wat it is. Like I say, God has always protected me even when I felt I was all alone, in ways that I do now. Knowin wat I know now about certain things I wish I coulda redone half my life and make it a new. But, I guess the only way to really make your life a new is just start over and erase the past! Its said && done && I guess there is really nothing I can do but make a new && better history for myself. Its time I restore the definition of who I know Kam to be && wat you thought really has no effect!I am who I say I am!

23.3.09

Okay So IDK if Im late or early on this one, but I know alot of people are like "Is Drake signed to Young Money because he is always with them?" This being said Drake always says no he isn't signed with Young Money but shoppin around. So I was reading a Honey Magazine [Feb. 2009] interview with my future hubby [he he ^_^] and he said that he is looking towards Interscope::

Honey Mag::So are you even looking to be signed? Drake::I’m actually just finishing up negations on a deal I’m very, very happy with. There’s always the downside of talking about because anything can happen. I’ve had a chance to sit down with Jimmy Ivine from Interscope and work out a great situation.[ed note: The Interscope contract is a done deal!]

So with that being said Im super happy && excited for him because it seems like it was taking forever, but Im glad he waited cuz he only desrves the best which will also be in our benefit too!

[b.t.w= Off with the heads of all the ppl who say he is garbage! You have no idea how much I defend this guy just because they say they don't like Lil Wayne && he sounds just like him..PUH LEEZ!IDK wat ears you have but you need to buy new ones!]

22.3.09

March 29th Me && The Jackalantern is gone get turnt off someLean & Louis the 13th in The Gibson Ampathearter in Lost Angeleez for the I AM MUSIC TOUR!!&& We are gona try && get backstage [cross fingaz]&& Im super geeked cuz if this Gentleman

I guess good things only come to those who wait! T-mobile has already developed the G2 Google Android phone which looks extremely better than the G1. I have the G1 and it gives me stress but it is a cool phone despite the ever so often bitch fits it throws and freezes and turns off on your ass! I won't get another T-Mobile phone till they put out this G3 lolz even though this phone actually looks official!

For Ladies who love sucking & licking pretty sticks,Sugar Factory, has the Lollipop made just for you! Couture Pops are the new thing in fashion these days with leading endorsements from the Pussy Cat Dolls, Britney Spears & Kim Kardashian, each having their own signature pop! The Lollipops can be purchased individually [$20] or in a box set[$70]. Each pop is equipped with blinged out stem & plastic top to save for future licks! Once the original pop is devoured, you can buy new heads to attach to your stem so that you can always have a lovely pop on hand.

21.3.09

VERY LAST:
1.Last beverage?GrandeWhite Chococale Mocha wit Caramel Sauce on Ice from Starbucks2.Last phone call?Ko Ko! [in progress]3. Last song you listened to? Round Midnight by Jasmine Sullivan4. Last movie you watched?Ratatouille [my fav watch it almost everyday!]5.Last time you cried?Yesturday

HAVE YOU EVER:6. Dated someone twice?Yes [Im the Queen of Recycling Boys]7. Been cheated on?Yup!8.Kissed someone & regretted it?No9.Lost someone special?Yes10. Been depressed?Yes11. Been drunk?Yea alot of times

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:12. Green13. Pink14. Grey

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:15.Made new friends?Yea16. Fallen out of love?Ummmm....idk17.Laughed until you cried?Yea [last week]18. Met someone who changed you?Yes the ex Donta but not in ways I wanted =[19.Found out who your true friends were?I already knew20. Found out someone was talking about you? Yes ppl I thought wudn't21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list?Yup several

IN YOUR LIFE:23. How many kids do you want to have? IDK the exact number but maybe 524. Do you have any pets?Can my purse be a pet or my money25.Do you want to change your name?No but I wish people wouldn't fuck it up so much!26. What did you do for your last birthday?RightTrack[Stripclub]/Lucky Strike [drunk bowling]/Club Ivar in Hollywood27.What time did you wake up today?7:20 a.m.28. What were you doing at midnight last night?Sleepin29. Name something you CANNOT wait for?Arab Money& Love of My Life30. Last time you saw your father? Last Month31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?Make better decisions32.What are you listening to right now? Ko Ko on the phone33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Random...Yea I know a Tommy34. What's getting on your nerves right now?My ex Donta & that we broke up yesterday!36.Whats your real name?ummmmm i rather not lol37. Relationship Status? Single Lady [put my hands up lolz]38. Zodiac sign?Virgo

FIRSTS :51.First surgery?When I was born [umbilical cord was crazy wrapped around my head & body] 52.First piercing?Ears [2 months]53.First tattoo?Fairy sittin on a flower54.First best friend? Amber [we are still friends]55. First sport you joined?softball56.First pet? Fish named White Mike57. First vacation?Cruise to the Bahamas58. First concert? Usher!! [8701 tour]59. First crush?Anthony Anabere60.First alcohol drink?Beer & i realized I hated it

RIGHT NOW:61.Eating?Im Not eating62.Drinking? Starbucks drink I mentioned 63. I'm about to?IDK...64.Listening to? Ko Ko on the phone65. Waiting for?Kevin to call me

YOUR FUTURE :66. Want kids?Yes!!67.Want to get married?Awww Yea im such a girl68. Careers in mind?Editor in Chief of a mag\ A&R

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?69.Lips or eyes?Lips70.Hugs or kisses? Kisses71.Shorter or taller?Taller72. Older or Younger?Older73. Romantic or spontaneous? Romantically Spontaneous74. Nice stomach or nice arms? Stomach75. Tattoos or piercings?Tatts76.Sensitive or loud?I guess Loud [Im sensitve so we both cant be]77. Hook-up or relationship?Relationship78.Trouble maker or hesitant?Hesitant with courage

HAVE YOU EVER :79. Kissed a stranger?Yea80.Drank hard liquor?Yea only fuck wit it!81.Lost glasses/contacts?Sun glasses82. Sex on first date?Yea i have but not often83.Broken someone's heart?Yea unfortunately 84. Had your own heart broken?Yes [all this week for example]85.Been arrested?No but ive been close86. Turned someone down?Yea 87. Cried when someone died?I laugh at death! haha [j/k of course I cry]88.Liked a friend that is a girl?No Ellen Degen!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:89.Yourself?Yea[if i dont no one else will]90.Miracles? Yes 91. Love at first sight?Ugghhh no! Thought I did92. Heaven?Yea Im going are you?93.Santa Claus?once upon a time94.Kissing on the first date?Yes if its a good date95.Sex on the first date? Depends on the person [sometimes the moment is just right]

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:96. Is there one person you want to be with right now?Yea [its a secret tho :-x ]97.Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?Naw just "friends" lolz98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever?Yea ppl have done it so can I99.What's the one thing you cannot live without?Jesus100. Enjoyed answering this? yea I guess,, I was bored

No more tears, No more cryin, No more pain, No more drama, No more being ashamed & embarrassed! SHIT FUCKIN HAPPENS! && I jus have to deal with that reality! Yea shit didn't work out, so wat thats life! Ive never had a problem gettin a guy so why start now, another one will come, like they always do! However, Im smarter now && this time I can actually say Im not gona fall for the same bullshit && do the same shit its not worth it && no one is worthy of my time && effort to exort so much worry into wat his ass will think! FUCK HIM! Its all about me from now on && if you don't prove ur about me in the amount of time I have alloted you from the beginnin your absolutely off the market && sent to your maker[mommie] or whereever you fuckin came from! I was sad, then I was pissed, now I jus really don't give a fuck! All of you females or males that are going through a break up && your sitting here trying to justify your actions for some other persons fuck up, Please don't! If at all he or she required you to get suspicious prolly was a valid reason to, now the way you handled it is on you, but your feelings are totally acceptable! If you got played, its ok in life everyone does; it either gives you enough confidence from here on out to not get played again or gives you pointers to do the playin yourself! Ive been in crazy situations, Lord knows, these past several years with the male species, however, I have come to the conclusion that enough is enough & I need to grow up, meaning grow out of all the past bullshit, all the things they did to make a tear roll down my face, or make me question my roll & worth in their lives! Its so not desrving of my time anymore! Ima start focusing more on myself && making me happy && get reconnected with the shit about myself that I loved && left behind!Dear Next Guy, There are things about me that, Im sorry, will not change! I am emotional! Thats just wat it is && how its gona be! Ive been this way all my life && its just something I have taken into account that is just apart of my personality! So if I lash out or jump to conclusions know that you gave me a reason too yes I will work on how I handle and exert this emotional state. But, I will not feel sorry for giving it to you! I was born a girl so at times I will act like one. I may put up walls but not to keep you out its to see how strong you are to break them down! I need a guy who will get over my flaws & all! You know why, cuz I will do the same for you!

20.3.09

So Im really not feeling my life right now it kinda sucks! The only thing that is gettin me throught the day is knowing I been through worst but I hate feelin terrible! I hate it wit all the passion in my heart! Im so over things right now! Im so tired of being tired and Im tired of gettin hurt! I get over things usually fast but it always leaves a stain on my heart. I remenice too much and I think about good things which it makes it hard to recognize and accept the bad things. Why do I put up wit guys shit so much when all I want to do is make us happy together but I can't make anyone see my vision as clearly as I do. I do miss my boyfriend but I don't deserve the bullshit at all! I want someone who wants to keep it real and 100 wit me wit out pretending. He got busted and cudn't handle his shit properly and went out like a bitch instead of being a man about it! Im just mad that I fell for it when my intuition told me from the start he prolly aint shit like the rest! But. silly me givin ppl benefits of the doubt! UGGGGGGGHHHHHH!! I jus wana scream and woop his ass! The one thing I do know for sure is God always protects me he never lets me get toooo uncontrolably deep in a situation before I can get out wit only a few scratches! Im okay Im disappointed but Ima live! I realize that this is Life and the games u play when ur tryin to Love ppl! Not everyone will be receptive of wat I have to give! Oh well for him, yea he has great qualities about him and I don't hate him Im jus mad as hell. But, you ALWAYS reap wat you sow so he will be one to receive his punishment! Im not a bitch, but Im starting to feel maybe I should be maybe my life would be easier. In this life there are people who get fucked and then there are people who do the fucking, Im sumwhere in between since Ive done both but its so watever at this point! Im over alot of things right now and im semi happy and semi sad! For the reason is nothin ever goes my fuckin way! Im not over men but Im cool on them for a while! So good luck to the next guy I meet shit may not be easy for him! I might have to be that bitch I never wanted to be!

19.3.09

Unfortunately my Hunnie Bunnie && I are no more but Im so not excited or happy or wanting this situation. It feels hellapremature of a break up && it was sooo not my choice. I wanted to work things out && start a new but he I guess was so not feeling my emotional smoothies I was force feedin him all the time. Its so much details goin on in this situation that I don't even know if I should type it. Well he wants me to, in his words "Get at me when u work shit out wit urself && u are over ur issues && stop jumping to conclusions ive been nothin but real && 100 wit u." And in all this maybe true, I can say that I have trust issues but they stem from devastating past relationships && situations && I thought I was over certain things but they make it hard for me when I find myself in the same situations, its like you heard that line before or he is doing shit someone else has done or baby please promise me you wont go about things this way. I can see why he is upset && why he is like we don't need to be together. But, I wanted him to help me get through this to make our situation strong by knowing you will be there for me when I get emotional or at least talk shit out wit me. Like relationships are hard work and there will be things about the person that thye are goin to bring into the relationship that is gona be hard to deal with. I dealt with things from his end why can't he do the same for me. I have to admit I do feel he is cheating on me now that I saw his phone records & his myfaves are all girls including myself plus 2 of those numbers are his ex-girlfriend who he claims only calls him && who he hates to even hear her name! [ugh...why is she gettin free anytime minutes??] plus he added a new girl in his faves recently&& this is the topper this mystery girl named "Ashlee" has over 1765 minutes of talk time for just last month. [I only have 1500 minutes on my plan] WAT THE EFF! Plus the main thing Im pissed off with is he has been ignoring me for the past 3 days becuz if I say normal shit to him no reply but if I go off && say sum insecure shit, he is quick wit a rebuttle. Wats up wit that?? && wat really flew me for the loop is his screen name on GoogleTalk so happened to disappear!! After all we are going through right now that is not a smart move, I almost lost him 2 days ago like he was over me said he would give me another chance but was not up on talkin to me && for it to look like he deleted me made me hott && sad all at once. I confronted him about it && he made up some excuse saying he wasn't done but sending him the text I did made him wana quit our relationship. Im not for pushing him away but all his actions have been a lil suspect lately && idk why! I don't like how he ended us with out really giving it a try or discussing our issues. Im hella pissed off && I do want him back, well at least I feel I need some explanations.Im not comfortable giving him up to "Ashlee"I want my man back!I know some of you are saying you have all the proof that he is cheating and some of you are saying well you are not 100% sure either, && im not. But IDK wat more I can do or wat more I can say than wat I already have said. I need all the advice I can get cuz I do love him && care bout him. I want him back but I dont wana be making mistakes with my heart either! As for now Ima leave him alone but getting him out my mind has been the hardest thing I have to do at the moment && knowing that Im the reason he pulled away hurts even more!! This is killing me inside && all I wana do is cry my eyeballs out! Thinkin about how fairytale we were 3days ago makes me cringe knowing that it took a phone bill turn our relationship sour! In this case it shows me our foundation must haven't been that damn strong. But I wana put it back together again I just dont know how & don't know when........

17.3.09

Happy Birthday to my big sister Khadija!!She is an old lady now, about 82 years old!! Looks good for her age right? lolz... We used to have our differences growin up; I hated this beezy & she was so mean to me!But, I never stopped lovin her! She is smart & successful & great mom! Im extremely proud of her! Love you sissy & I really wish I was there wit you to celebrate!

"I watchin my phone waiting for it to ring...Sittin on the couch wit the TV off...all night all alone...every night same ol' thing..."

"give me some excuse like you always do.."

I know that couple post ago I was talkin so great bout my Hunnie Bunniebut somethin happened && I saw sumthin I wish I didn't see! && now Im havin an Epiphany && Im upset && disappointed cuz my heart is sayin [effin] "I told you so" Ugh I hope Im over exagerattin & everything will come to pass cuz I want him in my life. I thought he was the answer to my prayers && that he was my break from heart achenow Im just super unsure! It wud be awesome if he cud atleast call my ass back so we can talk bout it. I mean voice convo && not wit thumbs! He usually blows my phone up with beautiful things & we talk early morning && before I go 2 sleep now4 the past two days he has been acting wierd mostly yesturday & 2day. He feels I dont trust him, i do but wat I saw makes me question things && I hate feelin like I have been played. This is fuckin wit me alot && I cant function right now! I don't even wana talk my friends cuz I don't want them 2 judge me && I dont feel like being chastized like a lil kid. [yea they think they are my parents] I jus need support. See, feelings like this is wat ive been talkin bout of why I [effin] cheat!! But he was the one I wanted to end that for! [Maybe it aint over... ima see] But the count down starts 2day, cuz im no longer gona take any of another mans shinanegans!

[b.t.w do u see my future hubby in the vid,I cudn't imagin ever leavin his ass, Chrissy you need to get on that boo! lolz]

13.3.09

OH EM GEEZ!! My horoscope for the past two days have been scarily true about my life right now!

Today

You are seeing more romance in your life, which is wonderful! But if you are single, you need to make sure you have a clear idea of what you want out of a new relationship. Otherwise, you could get swept up in the moment and do something that you might regret later on. So take stock of yourself. Analyze the unseen elements of your personality, the parts that you never show the world. Be totally honest with yourself and you'll be prepared when that cutie starts flirting.

Yesterday

If you feel like you're not being treated right in a relationship, give some serious thought to how you want to handle this situation before reading them the riot act. Consider the true value that this relationship has in your life -- is their behavior truly a deal breaker? Or should you just let it slide? Consider the dramas going on in their life -- they may need you to cut them some slack. 'Slack,' after all, is a unique gift that friends need to give to each other, sometimes.

12.3.09

I have to admit...Im absolutely petrified of being aloneI have never been without a guy there has always been a guy in my life && usually more than one. Even when Im in a relationship there is usually someone lurking the background in case Mr. Right Now fucks up for at least emotional comfort if not sexual! && now im finding that its not even like that no more. Im finding myself giving myself to person && I get FUCKING SCARED! I get scared that if he leaves if ever hoping he doesn'tI wont have anyone to fall back on like I usually do. Its Crazy in its own right but thatsmy life. A so called player is wat Ive been called, but a LOVER is all I am. I have alot of love to give and I want to give it to one person, but I get scared of the reality of that happeing. I guess its because Im starting to believe the 'becareful wat you wish for' speech ive been told for years. Im falling for one person, and thats wat I want, but Im so used to having feelings of rmore than one person. I guess I want my cake with ice cream too, just so that I can feel fulfilled because watever one guy lacks the other can take up the slack. But, I don't wana be stuck in this mind frame forever. I understand I reap wat I sow and thats exactly how my relationship life has been. I want them to give me the world and if they don't I slightly roam away but stay in hopes of change and progression and when it happens its too late. Ive always been a fan of LOVE, Ive been in LOVE, but never experienced TRUE LOVE. Weird huh!? Meaning a Love that is patient and kind and full of COMMITMENT on BOTH ends. I never felt the guys I was with were fully with me so I could never be fully with them. I gave and gave all my heart could give until I was just like fuck it. One guy ruined it for the rest! One of the hardest things for me to do is let go of the past and just move on without bagagge from wat was or wat used to be. I may not stress the guy verbally about it but my actions hold true that Ive been hurt before and Im not going to let you hurt me before I hurt you! && most of them don't even know it. But I never had intentions of hurting anyone, I just was SCARED of being alone and getting played, but in all reality I guess I was playing myself. All I want now is a break, and it scares me to actually believe that Im receiving that KIt Kat bar as I speak! I think Ive met my match, but Im so used to disappointment that Im just waiting for Ashton to jump out and say you've been punked! Alot of things are leading me to believe he and I were no accident && hurting him is surely not an option, but Im scared of relapsing to my old habits. Ugh! Why cant I just let go and let someone love me because I know I deserve it! I guess ima just give it to God cuz he knows better than I do!

10.3.09

Every Dream video is Effin the same!! Like hello can we get more than a Effin white background and bitches dancing!! Sheesh! But I do have to say Juelz Santana was looking mighty nice and very grown I should add, also it looks like he has been working out!

Dream ft. Mariah Carey- My Love

Ok RANDOM ass collabo! Plus was this video an attempt to make Mariah look more 'black' cuz she just came off as looking like a ghetto white girl or a blonde chicana or something. Sorry, I wasn't buying it! And how fake was the fight they had in the beginning! Dream has what I call the "Tweet Complex"[tw-eet co mp-Le-cKs:: R&B Singer Tweet never looks like the same person in any situation]&& It bothers me everytime I see him! I can't really grasp what he really looks like idk if he is cute or not to tell u the truth! So Im guessing Dream save us all the trouble and just keep your glasses on!

Se7en ft. Lil Kim- Girls

Now Ima be honest I feel I wastricked or bamboozled into watching this video because I thought Se7en meant 7even the one who produces for Ashanti and now Donnie Clang(womp on his ass) Furthermore, I press play and who is it but lil Bruce Lee! It caught my attention tho because I was not expecting this, plus I started to feel the song. My concern is for that poor child Lil' Kim tho idk what look she is going for, looks something like a Michael Jackson/Catwoman thing IDK!!

Kid Cudi-Superboo

Okay Soooo I Spy wit my Little Eye...A couple Asian girls, A couple Latin girls && ONE mixed black girl!!? I guess Mr. Mescudi has no love for the dark skin sistas huh! Well, hey I guess its his video his preference but we coulda had more chocolate in this video! If your gona show love for women show love for all shades of women! But i guess all women can't be his Super Boo! =/

Keri Hilson-Make Love

So thats its!! Wat the hell! Where is the rest of the video?? I guess it was good while it lasted tho! Plus, IDK if I like the thought of Kanye having sex with Keri Hilson or Anyone for that matter! He is sexy in his own kinda way but for this type of song I wana see some type of dude wit mad body who is gona strip down to almost nothin for this video, && I dont think Kanye wud do that like Homeboy u can't make love to Keri in that white tee!

LeToya Luckett- Not Anymore

Im feeling this song && the video is ehh! but she looks really pretty in it tho. && Im loving the feathered shoes.

Jazmine Sullivan- Dream Big && Lions, Tigers & Bears

She chose the greenscreen route I see & you can't go wrong with that right? Both these video are really cute && I love both songs! So Lions, Tigers & Bears isn't that new of a video but I had to post it cuz it was so creatively done and I love Jazmine Sullivan she isbomb.com/dope!

Summer is rolling around pretty soon && that means its time for my favorite season for fashion! Everyone knows that shoes are the one thing that can make or break an outfit, so here are some of my favorite shoe trends that will be inspiring my look for the next few months!

OhKay So its aprroximately 7:54 am [sunny daygo time] && I have to say one of my biggest pet peeves that urk the shit outta me like none other is muthafuckas talking hella loud in quiet places i.e. the San Diego State library! Like W to the T the F are you doing!! Like this is a place of study and quietness and ppl just feel its the main place to have conversation, eat and drink, type super hard on their lap tops, muthafuckas vacuming and cleaning shit[ etc. etc.] hella fucking loud! Like go home for that shit! One of the main things I find when Im in the library, like right now, like it never fails is a person speaking in another LANGUAGE super loud on their cell phones or in groups. Like first, I understand you are speaking in another language and you know I don't know what the hell your talking about, however, would you be talking that hella loud in english? No, you wouldn't or would you wit you rude ass!! Ive heard thousands of crazy long, extensive conversations from around the globe damn near and I would have to say the most unpleasant accents come from the Middle East&&Asia && Germany! Now, I have nothing against anyone who speaks another language or from another countryI actually think its cool to be diverse, but not in my damn library! I come hear because I cant study at home because things such as TV, food, phones, beds [and as u can see blogger] distract me from progress! I dont need crazy loud ppl added to the mix!. People please bare with me on this one, I just needed to vent a lil' && now its really gotten on my nerves! Please don't mind me!

So yea, for many of you that don't know Im a student in collegio [SDSU woot woot! =) ] && Im also a lil sorta kinda in a way wifed up to my Hunnie Bunnie! He is so awesome because he puts alot of time and effort into me and seems really serious about being with me for the long term, however, he is in Lost AnHELLes and im stuck in Sandy Yago all alone and I misses him mucho! Long distance relationships are crazy tough and Ive done it before but it didn't work out cuz he cheated so i cheated [womp womp!] Well, Im not trying to do that now of course, but Im getting crazy tempted not cuz he is a bad guy just cuz im lonely. Even though I talk to him every day its not the same as seeing his wonderful face and touching his sexy body and kissing his soft lips and getin it crackin all day [whew!!] I have needs and they need to be fulfilled pronto! The problem is I wont be able to see my Hunnie till the end of March!! && Then I really won't be ableto see him till I graduate and move back home to LA in May [WAT THE EFF!] I guess I can hold out, but its crazy when ex-boos are all in my face like never before! Plus, my mind is wondering thinking of those that could have been that were here before! I don't know if Im 100% ready to be with him cuz my attention span is trying to keep my eyes on the main show, but at the sametime wants to surf the channels. But he is sooo good to me I know your wondering why would you even be with him if you're unsure? Well its because I think I found someone special and don't wana lose it, plus outta everyone he stepped up for me the most. The one thing that is questioning me in my heart is someone Ive met and now Im wondering wat about me and him cuz he is a great guy as well! Shit this is harder than I thought! After being hurt so many times before, Ive been flooded with too many good guys right now and its getting difficult to choose. Before it used to be so easy dropping the losers and sending them on their way, but what do you do when your stuck in a situation where your in your favorite shoe store and you can only pick one pair!! Nevertheless, being faithful & true is something I would like to try with him or anyone for that matter, not like Ive never been faithful before but I feel even the thought of fucking wit someone else is wrong! He is surely worth it!....but so is he,& him.... Ugh pray for me!