my great grandparents were gone before i was born, but at the moment i have on surviving grandparent who i feel, sort of similar to what you describe, may be better off if she passed. it just seems better than her being senile and constantly getting upset because she's confused about where she is and how she can't do stuff for herself anymore. i love my grandma, but most of her is gone already and what remains of her life barely seems like living.

_________________Gwyneth Paltrow: "I'm superstitious. Whenever I start a new movie I kill a hobo with a hammer."

Hey Una, I'm really sorry for your loss. Lots of love and hugs to you and your family. To echo what others have said, relief is a completely normal response in this situation. I have a terminally ill uncle who is being kept alive by machines and has a very low quality of life, and I don't wish he would die but I'll be relieved when his suffering ends.

{{{HUGS}}} I'm sorry for your loss, but I agree that you were enormously fortunate to have her in your life for so long, and the fact that your own children actually had the opportunity to know their great-great-grandmother is amazing (my own grandmother died when my kids were 11, 7, and 3, and I thought that was impressive!).

And you are absolutely not a "bad person" for being relieved that she has been released from her suffering; cancer is an extremely cruel disease, and it can take so much of a person away from themselves, trapping them in a sick body from which they ultimately just want to escape. I lost my mother to breast cancer this June, and on the day she died, she was so fed up with the whole stupid business that said, "I just want to fly away"; within a few hours, that's what she did. My family is also facing the holidays with a fair degree of trepidation, but we'll just have to take it as it comes: inevitably, there will be good, bad, funny, and weird times, but it's all part of the process. Be grateful for the time you had with your great-grandma, and with your grandmother, and remember them as the strong, forceful women they really were (and feel free to PM/e-mail me if you need a virtual ear or shoulder!).