My Son Just Doesn't Like Me

My adult son is breaking my heart. I am devastated. He has removed me from his life, but has given no reason for other than he "just doesn't like me." I haven't heard from him in over 3 years. I need to talk to others who have gone through this...please!

Iam so sorry to hear about your situation. I fully empathise with you as I am in a similar situation myself. My son became estranged from me more than 6 years ago but we haven't really seen eye to eye since I re-married 24 years ago. He was 15 at the time and I guess a little too old to accept a new step father. With time you will learn to accept the situation as unfortunately it is outside your control. Hopefully he will come round..if and when he does, don't talk about the past, just be glad and carry on as if nothing has happened.In the meantime, try and live your life and be happy .. You know, once our kids become adults we have to accept that our job is done and let them go. I am praying for you that your son comes back into your life.

I have a question my mother and I were abused by her ex-husband when i was a kid and I try to tell her it wasen't her fault alot but since I have gotten older it seems like she feels I dont love her or we dont bond enough we live in pa and I was wondering if anyone had some ideas of what a 23 year old son can do with his 41 year old mother to bond and show her i love her

My adult broke my heart today with his cruel, unkind words. (He is a Christian, a PERFECT man, married to a gorgeous PERFECT wife. And 4 PERFECT children, and he seems to talk like he thinks that everyone else should be. I've cried so many tears. It's late...I'm going back to bed to try to sleep. This the first time I've posted here, so many be back with the whole story. Thanks for *listening*.

It is a sin of misbehavior. A mental illness of disassociating and/or isolating ones self from family ties. When one of my sisters married, she disowned her biological family and adopted her husband's family, substituting his family and his parents for her own.

It doesn't seem to make sense, no. But I don't know if the lady who posted it was only repeating what she had been told by her child - a mother will not want to deny her child is a Christian, and neither should we

My daughter is 28 and a born again believer for the past 7 years or so, married to a pastor and hates me. She has cut off the entire family on both my side and my husband's side. The last time I tried to make amends with her by buying her third unborn baby outfits (she had a girl this time), she called the police on me. Since the estrangement which began 2 years ago, I have rededicated my life to Christ completely but she wants proof she said. This is trip number 3 around the same mountain.

Rhonda, "interesting how many never answered the person who posted this question with any "helpful" idea's MOST posters just used their 125 word post to belly-ache about their own woes"" True, it happens a lot on help blogs, and Ive done it myself. It just shows that others too are needy, and we ought to pray. Most times when I share something, its with the intention of connecting with the other person, maybe to show that I, in some way understand, and they are not alone. Very often in our pain we feel isolated and alone, and God is the ultimate answer, but people need to feel someone cares sometimes before they can even accept advice, or listen and hear the Word spoken by that person.

interesting how many never answered the person who posted this question with any "helpful" idea's

MOST posters just used their 125 word post to belly-ache about their own woes and their "awful children" too

sad ...really makes you wonder are the adult children REALLY THAT BAD? or maybe the parents created the situations they find themselves in with their adult children because they simply were not good parents

My son won't speak to me we were always so close then he met this woman who couldn't accept our relationship, he had a child by a previous relationship and she can't accept her either, their relationship started when his ex was pregnant. My son cannot accept that we won't turn our back on our grandaughter, I found out last month from a friend that him and his partner got married in Cyprus in August, he's turned his back on his whole family and its breaking my heart

I understand your pain. My oldest son has cut me out of his life. It really hurts but I finally realized after a lot of tears, I just had to let him go. I put him in God's hands and trust God in the situation. I have to belive one day he will be back. We used to be so close and he has turned into a totally different young man. But I will always love him.

Robyn, I sympathize with your situation. One of the toughest things to do is to let go of one we love. It sounds like it is time for you to grow by letting go of your desire and expectation of how your son should love you. Continue in your unconditional love for him. Since he is 30 and still living at home, and shows no appreciation or even respect, you might also put a deadline on how much longer he can live with you. Tell him you love him but the situation he is perpetuating it not good for either of you - he has to move out within some period - like 3 months, whether he finds a job or not.

I have been there,my friend. Just yesterday my son let me know how little he respects me. Even though I give him room ,food and a roof over his head. He only speaks to me and his dad if he needs something. He sits with neighbors and entertain them and treats them like family. But not us. When he says something to me, it is usually a put down. He is 30 yrs old. He often tells us he will forget about us when he gets a job and move out. He tells me what other people say about me and his dad. But he never says he took up for us and put the person in their place. I have tried everything to get along with this son.Nothing seems to work.

Everyting is ok friend, tell your self inside "my son loves me". tell your self inside "God I know my son loves me". Tell your self inside "my son is a wonderful person". Do this every time you have a bad thought regarding your son. say to yourself "I forgive my son and he is wonderful, he always cares for me his mum". Do this every minute if you have to. Do this every night before you go to sleep. Make this positive thought energy come from inside to outside. say this in your mind, the more in your mind the more it comes from the heart. God bless your son, And god bless to a wonderful mum. When your mind brings up bad evidence about this problem, Say to yourself "I dont get negative thoughts"

Shira, I completely agree with your answer. When you have done all you can do to teach and take care of your children then there is nothing else you can do, but to love them and have them go on their own. There is rules that have to be met at home. Respect is one of them. If the child wants to be rebellious, there is nothing a person can do to change them. We pray for them, because we know that only God can change them. We love them, and be there for them when they are in great need of help. But if they are healthy, and grown up, they need to be on their own. When they leave, they are better off then staying and been unhappy and causing you pain.

I am recently going throuh his. My so has not spoken to me for 2 weeks now. The last thing I got was a text saying he couldn't trust me because I had begged him to talk to family members. I wake up praying and cry on and off when it hits me. My so has always been a sweetheart so it doesn't seem like this is happening! He started dating what I thought was a good Christian girl and I encouraged it! Then he shared some really disturbimng controlling and jealous behaviors and I am against this union, but he's in too deep and has chosen her over all of his family! I'm heartbroken! Prayer is all we can do!

hi I would like to talk to you, as I have experienced the same. My son moved to Ireland January 2010 and seemed ok till we went to visit. We hardly saw him in the two weeks we were there. He will be 26 in November. However, we started talking again after he accused me of loads of stuff i was unware of, paid us a visit at Easter, and because a photo turned up of an old girlfriend from the albums , he swore at me and accused me again of being vindictive towards him and his new girlfriend, my daughter who is 20 has MS and loved her brother so much, have had no contact with him for four months, why, does this happen.

I have a 42 year old son who doesn't like me or anyone in his family. If you read the texts that his father and I have received from him over the years you would think you were hearing from satan himself. Very sick the ups and downs this man goes through. He beleives we are all out to get him. I know it hurts and you wonder what happened. We may never know the answer....i have given up.

robyn,kick him OUT. I went thru something similar with my daughter. I told her she could stay with me if she would get help for her drugs. Of course she didn't. You son needs to help himself before anyone else can help him. I pray your son gets the help he needs...God. Not an easy task by any means but God is the answer. You will never be able to help him unless he decides to help himself. Oh, my daughter ended up dying with cancer from cigarettes and pain pills. I took care of her for 4 months and she spilled her heart to me and begged for forgiveness. She knew what was killing her but it was too late by that time. I have not told anyone on this blog about my daughter but am telling you so maybe you can avoid the same loss as me. God bless

My son is at it again. Stayed out to 530am, refuse to call dad and me to let us know he would not be coming home. Regardless of our asking him over and over to do so. He flatly refuses. I was so angry. My sleep was broken. Kept having dreams and terrble thoughts of him hurt etc.. He knows how we feel. But refuses to do what we ask. He seems to be angry at me and his dad all of the time. I am so fed up.

Robyn: Call the police and send him to jail for breaking the law. He will get three hot meals and a bed to sleep on.

My son was arrested for drug possession and I refused to bail him out and when he came home to live in my apartment, after someone else bailed him out, I threw him out on the street. He ended up living at his father's. He threw him out. Two recovery houses threw him out and his sister threw him out. He is alive and supporting himself now. He also stopped doing drugs.

This same son that seems to not like me was caught rolling weed in my house on Memorial Day. He left the door to his room open. I stood there and just watched him. When he looked up he became angry at me, in my house! He has received many warnings about this. He is not a really bad son but he seems to be getting worse as he gets older. He needs to be on his own. He is out of a job now and has no where else to go.

I had two sons who seems to be down on me for everything. I tried to share my experiences with them and teach them values and morals in life and they resisted me at every turn.Now along comes someone else,saying the same things I was trying to share with them and they ate it up. My conclusions: they resented me for whatever reasons.As their mom I would not go along with their wrong doings and they did not want to be around me. I guess. Too bad. I feel I did the best thing for them,growing up. Now they are grown, they have a right to be around me or not. If they choose, not to. So be it. I have done my job as a mother.I feel satisfied.

Jesus tells a parable very similar to this, I'm sure you know which it is. You cannot change his feelings toward you but you can pray. Hope and faith are powerful if it is in God. The pain will always be their but hope(which is an expectation God will answer your prayer) that God will bring him back to you is something to comfort yourself with.

I'm not out of my son's life, but I'm not wanted much either, and it hurts. He does have a wife that loves me which is a "God" Thing. I've been reading John Eldrege book "Wild at Heart" to try and figure out some reasons..My husband's mom died in Jan 2011, he's not terribly bothered by that..it makes me wonder? I don't need my kids to talk to me all the time, but just time to time would help wouldn't it?

I understand...it will be 11 months since my son spoke to me. It hurts bad...he is not the boy I raised. I don't know who he is anymore...his wife doesn't call either. I miss the grands..I pray that God will change things.

It is just horrible the stories told here about family members. Whenever there is tension in the family, it is mostly because something has happened earlier in life with the kids. Of course some do become rebellious for no reason, but most of the time there is reasons why. I found out after my brother died that two of his six kids who are older had changed their last name. I asked after my brother died why they had changed their last names, and I was told it was because my brother was abusive to their mom when they were younger. They hated him that much. Something many of us did not know. Some kids do not forget or forgive, unless they know Christ. Knowing Christ you will not forget, but you will forgive.

My son has put me out of his life and I pray everyday for a relationship with his family. I don't get to see my only grandchild. My heart has been broken and there is days that I don't think I can handle it. My prayers are with you.

Angelina. I do understand what you are saying. I have been there,too. The father sometimes, knowingly said things in front of the boys to try and make me look like the bad guy. When all of the time, he was clearly, at fault. When I complained to my sons they would say I was over reacting. This would make him happy knowing the boys did not believe what I was saying. Men can be evil and cunning. They are jealous of relationships that women have with their kids(especially sons),sometimes. It is a no-win situation. This is how a lot of domestic abuse comes about. The man knows he can undermind the kids and make them believe, mom is at fault. When that happens he can get away with murder(literally, sometimes).

Amazing how many SONS have decided to break relation with their parents. (maybe most girls don't have the means to be so independent.)

I've seen this often among the seniors, I know. It is not always hostility (unless this is openly expressed). But I think for some it is a failure to recognize that, for once, their parents actually need something from them! (Even if it's primarily a physchological need.) They are used to their parents being the "givers", not the receivers.

They are busy achieving,problem solving and proud to be fuctioning "independently". The time goes fast for them, but not so much for their parents who may be slowing down.

How can something so sweet,cute and innocent turn our lives so upside down. We literally birth our own problems. These problems follow us the rest of our lives. As if we did not have enough to deal with already.

My oldest son doesn't like me, he often snapped back at me just for the sake of argument. I often blame my husband because we often argue in front of the children. Now that the boys are adults, they tend to side with their father. Sometimes I feel really heart-broken and want to divorce my husband, I felt that it is his fault that my children do not respect me. When my children talked back at me, he never told them off, and often it was him who went against everything I said and now the boys copied him. It's always three against one. Anything I said, they often disregard it or go against it. I feel so helpless. Sometimes I feel I would be better off bringing up my children alone, the bond with my older son has long been disconnected.

Hi. Do the following. 1. Pray for an intervention by God that will bring about either a phone conversation or a face to face meeting, some exchange of words. 2. No matter what is said when God brings this into fruition, i mean no matter what, do not express anything other than the most neutral observation. Should he tell you something that you feel you must react against, or protest in any way ask God to grant you the strength to resist the temptation - and for him to not let past hurts and wounds to start biting him while hes talking to you.

My adult son has done the same to my husband and Ihe has 2 children, and at first (last october) he did let us see the kids once in a while, only when it suited himbut then h said no moreHe said no more sending gifts either, and he even threw the Easter gifts I sent on my driveway(mothers day night)He has not called us since last October, His wife has blocked me on FaceBook so to make sure I cant see any pics of the kidsI love them all and I want them in my lifehe says we are selfish, and stingy with our time

I am posting again to this question. Are things better for you Gina. I hope so. I do know the feeling. My oldest son seems to not like me or his dad. He had not called me or his dad for almost a month.Suddenly he called. Not to check to see how we were. He had been put out of his place to stay. He wanted a room in our home. Never really apologized for not checking on us...etcc.. I did not call him during this 3- 4 weeks absence from him. I am tired of being the scapegoat. I know I have done the right thing towards him. I will do no more. If he wants to leave,let him go! It is hard to say this and harder to do, but you must. For the sake of your life and health. You must! God bless you,dear.

My heart is broken too. My adult son does not want me in his life. He has never said that but action speak louder than words. He never calls me. He is very sucessful and it is like he does not remember where he came from. I don't want material things from him. I just want him to treat me like a grandmother, a mom. I feel embarrassed to call his house sometimes.If I ask him why he doesn't call me, he says that he forgot.If I offer my services to baby sit, etc., he says that he doesn't need me, but that I am welcomed if I want to come for a visit.I gave birth to him when I was 18. I raised him alone. I made lots of mistakes, I am sure, but I was not a horrible person. I always loved him. I just hurt so bad.

I feel bad for any mother whoes son want speak to her.Its been near twenty years for me. I hurt so deep inside,almost unbarable sometimes.It is scripture being fufilled .Elijah is comming back,to bring them back to us some day.so dont let your heart fail you,just pray for his comming. Amen Its in the bible, Children and parents aganist one another.I just keep on praying and loving him.We where choosen to go through this,and there is nothen we can do but pray.May God help us all that go throug this and I know he will.I worry about my sons soul.

I have the same exact problem. My son hasn't talked to me in almost three years either. He must not like me much either so I feel your pain, it bothers me everyday of my life and I pray constantly for God to restore our relationship. I have tried everything : sending him gifts on his birthday (I always did anyway) and holidays. He won't even tell me why he is mad at me or respond to my emails and letters which ask his forgiveness as to where I failed him. All I can say is God will work it out somehow. His timing is not our timing.

grief can cause heartache ...it's sad when the living cause grief to the living and sadder when adult children no longer honor their parents ...we live in end of age where hearts grow colder

I've never had this experience however having children of my own and legal custody of my husbands sisters children I can say if anyone of them did this to us we would not change ...If they refused to pickup phone we would call every few weeks leaving message letting them know thinking of them ...still send thoughtful cards inquiring about them and send money throughout the year as we have always done ...we would not be bitter or grieved to please them ...look away and up to God and LIVE and spread love to others praying HIS will to be done

not sure how long this was posted my wife and i had son who was gone for 4 years and came back we almost gave up please reply just came accross your blog, we have a adopted son who now is gone for 4 months it still hard

My oldest son was always a challenge. This strong-willed child would even open the door of the car and threaten to jump out if he didn't want to go to elementary school! His Dad & I (now married 30+ years) struggled long and hard, praying all the way for our "prodigal," and saw him beginning to turn his life around in his mid-twenties. Then he married his wife (a self-indulgent only child, bent on having her own way). Our son now works night & day to satisfy her whims and when he becomes stressed or frustrated, guess who he takes it out on? Me! His verbal assults became so painful and destructive to my emotional well-being that I had to stop communicating with him. This has been the case for nearly 4 months.

my son stop talking to me he is 21 years old,now i am guessing the reason is because i cut his strings ,i have done everything i know how to do for him until 20 when i realize he takjes total advantage of me,he says really hurtful things to me and i often wonder why he feels this way ,but he is very hard to talk to,so its been 3 months,i told him maybe he will feel different one day,its hard to imagine giving up yourself to take care of your child whom you expect to be grateful when older and it doesnt turn out that way,prayer ,prayer and more prayer is the only way to these hearts of our digruntled children,the bible said child against the parents ,so we have to fight back in the spirit and the victory will be ours

Honey my heart goes out to you. This is a hard pill to swallow. Your own flesh and blood against you. It is hard for a mom to give up on her child but you may have to, eventually. He is a grown person who makes his own decisions. You must accept his decision. But do make sure you have done all you can to make peace with him and to let him know you do love him. God will work things out for you if you do the right thing toward him.I hope you are born again.

Gina;I can empathize with you and share your pain.Exept briefly at funerals or weddings,my daughter,whom I love dearly, has not spoken to me in more than 20yrs.Not that she doesn't like me ,but for "religious" reasons. I've allways told her my door is allways open,but that's her choice.I try not to dwell on it!

I have come to the conclusion that it is the age - I don't get along with my teenage stepkids either, but then again, I didn't get along with my mom well when I was a teeneager. Teenagers are constantly doing things that draw attention to themselves. It drives you crazy - my kids are so impolite and disrespectful, but at least they aren't into drugs - something to be thankful for.

Hi Gina My daughter is 15 going on 16 and she does not like me either! We have horrible battles of the will, she refuses to go to church! She does not see what God has blessed her with. And she is Piercing ever part of her body. She is angry at God! And going to the wrong road worshiping witchcraft etc. What makes matter's worse she is disabled handicapped. I will pray for you!

Gina: My son is 24 and doesn't like me either. I have concluded that we probably didn't do anything for them to be like this. Not everything is our fault. Sometimes, our kids just don't turn out the way we would like them to and sometimes they are confussed, angry or hurt and they misdirect their emotions toward us. It is devastating. Let's continue to be committed to praying and God will answer our prayers. Regards

Hello, Gina. I am not a mother but know how it is to hate a mother. I hated her because I felt that she loves me less than the rest of her eleven children. My brother felt the same way too. Now that I am older, my brother and myself realized that under the circumstances that my parents brought us up, that was the BEST that they could give us.It took time for us to realize that and I amsure it will take time for your son to realize that you love him. Just pray and wait. But please don't grieve. Grieving might not be good to your health. Happy Mother's Day!

Gina, I don't know what kind of a relationship you both have as a mother and son. I suggest that you need to find what went wrong in your relationship for him to behave like this toward his mother! A son just doesn't like his mother for no reason Ask God to help you with this. Only you, your son , and our father knows what has happened with the mother and son relationship.Pray to our father to touch your son's heart,and to give you answers.I feel so horrible for you. And I can't imagine my son and I not having a loving mother and son relationship.Silva 8589

I have the same situation with both of my adult sons. I have sent emails to them asking to hear how they are... maybe 2-3 times a year I would get something back... 2 sentences total if I was lucky. This last Christmas I sent them a big gift box. I received nothing from them. I did not get any emails from either and decided to wait until I did. Three months went by with nothing. I sent an email to them asking why they don't send me any messages... for all they knew I could have died! I still have no response from them and that was 2 months ago. The Lord will have to work in their hearts.

Dear Gina,it may not be a problem with you at all.I know a woman who has gone through this and after a lot of praying and talking we have discovered the real problem was he has a jealous,insecure wife who needs to grow up,she was behind it,when we discovered that,we focused our praying on her and God has been able to melt her heart a little bit.Pray and believe for Gods will to be done,may he give you peace and blessing.

there could be alot wrong in this situation.I have seen kids do this when on drugs( not saying he is) they will isolate themselves from family cause they dont want to hurt them or hear them criticize them for it. If this happened to me and my son , I would pray and fast daily and wait for an answer, I would have others in my church to pray too THERE IS POWER IN GROUPS PRAYING ..Matthew 18:19 ..Jan4876 ( I am praying for you and hurt with you)

I don't know if it can help but I keep breaking my father's heart without wanting too. I met him when I was 4 and he was almost never there. I haven't seen him from age 10 to 20 and now he's back and wants us to have a super father-daughter relationship. The prob is that I have no idea how to interact with him! I'm really uncomfortable whenever he's around, I just don't know what to do so I kinda avoid him altogether. I know he's hurt but I believe that in time, God will give me the tools to deal with this and maybe we'll have a true relationship...Maybe your son is just like me...

Gina, I been there. Maybe we expected to be too involved in their lives. At this age and married, they want independence. I TRULY believe your son will come around if you only contact him once a week or so..(email is excellent) small talk only. NO prying personal questions, comments or advise. Keep things light and intesting and dropped hints of happier times. After a time the hostility mellows and they will come around to being interested and caring. Take it easy, and be very patient. (Ps 66:18) PRAY about your motives and attitude first, then your sons. Write eloia4437

When my son married, out of the blue, he called me and told me that I needed to love his wife. I had never said anything bad to her or anyone else. He also cut me out of his life, as he was abusing her and didn't want me to know about it. He also excluded me from his new baby. Through prayer and heartache, I'm included now, so hang in there.Don't take whats happening personal. It's nothing you've done. I'll be praying he 'turns around and faces you.'

I have not experienced this but I have seen my mum go through this with my elder sister.It could be quite devastating.I empathise with you.Throw the matter into God's hand and forget it there,dont even pray for it again and again so you dont reinvite the pain.Cry no more about it,and try geting closer to those that cherish you.It is not very easy,but that will be good for you.God can still turn things around but you dont have to dwell on it.God help you.

I have not experienced this but I have seen my mum go through this with my elder sister.It could be quite devastating.I empathise with you.Throw the matter into God's hand and forget it there,dont even pray for it again and again so you dont reinvite the pain.Cry no more about it,and try geting closer to those that cherish you.It is not very easy,but that will be good for you.God can still turn thihngs around but you dont have to dwell on it.God help you.

He is 29, married, with an 8-month old baby I have never been allowed to see, my only grandchild. Counseling helps but I need to know if any other Christian moms have gone through this, or just me? We were very close, but his dad was very distant.

I have never had a post disturb me as much as yours. I know you are devastated by your sons actions. I just fail to understand a son treating his mother like that. Pray for him that he would be saved. Dear lady, I will certainly pray for you. I can't imagine being in your shoes.

I am so sorry for your pain. I hope that you have found a professional, pastor or counselor to help you work through this difficult situation. You cannot change your son, but you can still love him through this. My daughter did the same thing to me. She would not return any calls or accept mail her reason; we dont get along. I prayed everyday for her safety and my sanity. Prayers were answered a friend entered her life who helped her realize with work that we could have a beautiful relationship. God makes all things beautiful in His time.

Gina, Is your son married? How old is he? Sometimes our grown kids get so involved trying their wings they don't stop to consider our feelings, or perhaps they've developed interests and values they know we wouldn't approve. My son married and it has greatly effected our relationship. They say a son is a son till he takes a wife. I think there is a LOT to that. Maybe that's how it should be. ??

Gina:You are tender hearted woman,like a bird with a broken wing,Time is a great healer, It was his decision to keep away so it is his problem,If you know his address, write & ask why,but in the meantime. pray to the mother of God & her son to comfort you,this could be your cross pick it up & follow him dont stop praying.I shall to.God bless you