Well, she's blonde, she's thin, she's moneyed, she's discreet. It's a good start. And since he had to go without for so long in Afghanistan, Harry can't be held back, openly showing his affection for Cressida Bonas on a ski holiday with cousins Beatrice and Eugenie and their mother Fergie.

Cressida, as you know, was linked to Harry last year - click here for a refresher - well before he covered his ball sack in Vegas. Evidently he managed to talk his way back. And who could deny him, the scamp? I've been trying to photoshoppe my life into these shots all morning. Aren't you? Look at this embrace. He's a f-ck up and a hypocrite but his ma gifted him with that intangible charm, more personality than his stilted brother, and less responsibility too.

Apparently, according to the Daily Mail, Harry and Cressida couldn't stop making out apres-ski. She was on his lap, their faces were mashed together, his hand on the back of her head, rubbing. Jesus! Royal Porn! Oh the benefits of being the spare.

And still, my favourite part of all this is the fact that Harry's doing this in front of Fergie. He would never in front of his dad or any proper royals. It's like...

Oh. Don't worry. It’s just Fergie. She sold access to my uncle and got caught on camera. She’s my people, for real.