Donald Trump Vows to Make Hazzard County Great Again

Hazzard County, GA — Ever since TV Land’s cancellation of the immensely popular long-running television series, The Dukes of Hazzard, the residents of Hazzard County have seen their once thriving economy fall victim to a deep recession with very little hope for recovery.

Nobody has lost more than Jefferson J.D. Hogg. Better known as Boss Hogg, J.D. is the wealthiest man in Hazzard. Owner of the Boar’s Nest, Hogg is the Police, Land, and County Commissioner of Hazzard County. Hogg’s businesses also include J.D. Hogg Ice House, J.D. Hogg Gravel Company, J.D. Hogg Log Mill, J.D. Hogg Real Estate and J.D. Hogg Funeral Home, just to name a few.

It should come as no surprise that President Donald J. Trump grew up idolizing Hogg for all his achievements in the business world. After a recent campaign stop in Atlanta, Mr. Trump took a detour to visit his old friend in Hazzard County.

J.D. and I go way back, says Trump, I patterned my entire business philosophy on the Hogg blueprint for success. I may have mastered The Art of the Deal, but Jefferson Hogg paved the way.

The Donald says he owes much of his success to Mr. Hogg and promises as president, he will restore Hazzard County to prominence. It’s tremendously sad to see what’s happened here under President Obama. It’s a total disaster. As president, I will bring back the Dukes of Hazzard and make Hazzard County great again,” he said.

Blood is thicker than water but money is thicker than blood, Hogg told a local reporter when asked if Mr. Trump plans to invest in Hazzard County.

Last year TV Land cancelled The Dukes of Hazzard amid controversy surrounding the confederate flag, which is prominently displayed on the roof of the Duke boys’ car, the General Lee.

Hazzard County Sheriff, Rosco P. Coltrane, says the crime rate has doubled since the Dukes went off the air. A lot of folks lost their jobs and went back to runnin’ shine. Sheriff Coltrane believes a Trump victory would help restore law and order to Hazzard County. Cuff ˜em and stuff ˜em, I love it, I love it!” he said with an odd, maniacal laugh.

Not everyone is looking forward to a Trump presidency. Jesse Duke, patriarch of the Duke family clan, says a Trump victory would only lead to more corruption in Hazzard County. Like Boss Hogg, that Donald Trump is more crooked than a dog’s hind leg,” said Duke.