Monthly Archives: January 2017

Well, I talk a bit about it in a video I’ll link below. But for those not into videos…

It felt like a start.

I removed Facebook from my phone. That wasn’t the end of it, of course. I made the mistake of leaving Twitter installed, mostly because I kind of hate Twitter and didn’t think it would be an issue.

Talk about underestimating my brain’s distraction addiction.

I slipped up. I needed to use Facebook to talk to my street team group when I was looking for beta readers for this new novella, and I ended up slipping back into the habit of checking notifications way too much. I did use Twitter more than I should have (in spite of how completely unsatisfying it is) because my brain would rather get a quick hit of that feeling of DOING SOMETHING and STIMULATION than be alone with itself for five seconds. I ended up breaking my phone out of phone jail way more than I should have by the end of the week.

But good things came of it.

I did get work done. While it wasn’t any easier for me to make my brain buckle down and start work every day, I at least had fewer alternative uses for my work time. I finished my second draft of Sanctuary, I made corrections and revisions on the aforementioned novella (which I’ll be sending out to newsletter subscribers on my birthday). I got some reading done (Slammed by Colleen Hoover and The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown).

Do I feel calmer and more present? Absolutely not. Actually, if we’re being honest, my anxiety is through the roof right now. Whether that’s FOMO, withdrawal, or what, I don’t know.

So we’ll see how the rest of the month goes.

I got back on Facebook last night so I could attend the (super fun) release party for Krista Walsh’s Song of Wishrock Harbor, and now I’m leaving again.

I’m going to read more. More fiction, more inspiring biographies, more big ideas that my poor foggy brain might not even understand.

I’m going to escape to my own worlds.

I’m going to keep trying to calm and quiet my mind, to be a little more present in my own life.

I’ve been doing pretty well with things the past few weeks, both at work and at home. Using my bullet journal to organize tasks, forcing myself to get to work most mornings even though my brain pushes back against it like one magnet forcing itself away from another, getting the housework done.

And today I stalled.

I could blame it on Facebook, since that’s where I spent too much time clicking on videos and articles and news tidbits, reading comments that weren’t worth the brain power I wasted interpreting them. Or I could blame it on the fact that the morning started with getting groceries and fielding a call where I had to answer questions about my focus and mental health issues, and there was chicken cooking, and and and…

But it’s me. It’s my brain. For some reason, the little tricks I’ve been employing to keep me on track are just not working. I had the beginnings of this last week, when the resistance to starting work got worse every day. Natural enough, given how hard the work I’m doing right now is, but it’s more than that. It’s not just resistance. It’s a frigging wall.

And it’s frustrating. Really frustrating. I know how good it would feel to finish this revision pass. I know how necessary it is for me to get this done. I want to do it. I’m excited about this story, dammit, and I want to see it done (and I definitely want to get on to drafting the next one).

I’m not going to go into why it’s not happening. Not here, not now. But I am going to make a plan.

I’m cutting myself off from Facebook for a week. And Twitter, though that’s no great loss. Maybe Instagram if I need to.

A week probably won’t be enough to help me become mindful and focused, and it won’t change my brain. But maybe in that time my mind will come up with better distractions.

Reading would be a good one. I’d be fine wasting a day in a book rather than watching videos of Meryl Streep (much as I admire her) and purring lynx. Maybe I’ll go a little stir-crazy, and maybe that’s okay.

Maybe my brain will remember that my work is how it entertains itself, after all, and it will become a little quieter in here.

I feel like I need about three months completely away from social media to really rewire myself, but that’s not really an option for me.

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