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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Let's be honest, ladies: baby showers tend to turn us into cooing idiots. Suddenly EVERYTHING is "precious," and we find ourselves oohing and aahing over things like diaper cakes (two words that should NEVER be used together, btw) and nightmare-inducing sonogram pictures that by rights should have us calling for an old priest and a young priest.

Not everyone has succumbed to the cute mandate, though; some fight back with the most graphic, crass, and undeniably hilarious shower cakes this side of the "Here I Come!" C-section cake.

Now there's a fresh slice of reality for you: Even the tiny elf baby has soiled himself.

I'm the kind of person who gets way too distracted wondering if this was actually news to the person who got the cake - and if so, HOW. Seriously, think about it.

Ok, you can stop thinking about it now.

No, really. Stop. We have more cakes to look at!

Tired of all the cutesy euphemisms for birth? Then let's get physiological, baby!

I still feel partially responsible for these things; I posted The First Censored Cake Wreck a few years back, and then, bam! Suddenly these "push" cakes are EVERYWHERE.

And as if that's not bad enough, this baker decided I just don't have enough trauma associated with beloved childhood characters:

NO, CAT IN THE HAT, NOOOOOO!

I've never once wondered what a blow-up doll giving birth would look like, but now I know anyway. THANKS, BAKER. (I also started to wonder what kind of obscene Suessian rhymes she would spout out, and things quickly went from "disturbing" to "I WILL NEVER LEAVE THERAPY.")

Maybe we should just go back to sperm cakes.

But supposing you want a sperm cake that's also adorable? What then?

Admit it: at first you were all, "Whatever, Jen, you're just messing with us." But then you were all, "Omigosh that is totally an adorable sperm cake." Right? Right?

And if you'd like some cupcakes to go with the adorable bow-tied sperm cake:

Oops. Ok, now we're back to creepy.

That was a good run, though. Yep. Remember that cute sperm cake? Yeah. Good times.

Hey, ever wonder what the most intensely awkward inscription for a baby shower cake could be? Yes? (Me, too!!)

Well, WONDER NO MORE:

No, please, DO GO ON.

I desperately want this to be Part One of the shower desserts, you guys. And then this would be Part Two:

[Psycho Shower Music]

BWHAHAHAHAA!!

Sorry, sorry; I'm just imagining your reaction over here, and it. is. priceless. Did you notice the chocolate sprinkles up there? Did you?

I can't just leave you with that image, though, so allow me to present what I think should immediately become the new gold standard in baby shower congratulations:

Oh man lol. Just looking at these makes me glad to not have a kid..ever. Especially if I ended up looking like that creepy doll with the poor cat in the hat. Yikes. Now I am aware mothers giving birth are not totally naked lol. I guess wreckerators just didn't get that memo.

Wow - I believe this is the first post in the past few years of my reading that I've actually gasped with hand over mouth and almost ralfed on my computer... NO other cake on this site has done that to me... I don't think I will be sleeping well tonight. Or eating any cake for that matter. {shudder}

Did you know I let out a tiny scream when I saw the baby head cake? Although really, the very nature of giving birth is quite beautiful (looking past the messy details). It's that cake that's unsightly!

I have my first baby shower this weekend and you guys have me officially FREAKED OUT! I couldn't even look at that next to last cake - had to quickly scroll on by it. Actually, they all made me just a wee bit nauseous,but maybe that's just the pregnancy hormones...

*do NOT look at baby head covered in goo* * do NOT look* GaaaahhhhhARRRRRRGGHH! :S

But seriously, "congratulations on making a human with your genitals" is now my favorite phrase to say when someone has a baby. Seriously. All these new parents expecting awards and what-not only for making a human, psht! Anyone can do that! (I'm not being sarcastic, it really does annoy me the way people feel so entitled sometimes... *sigh*)

I'm going against the grain here and stating that the second-from-the-last cake is not the worst baby cake ever. Yes, it is disgusting. Yes, I will never again be able to eat chocolate sprinkles. Cherry pie filling might be okay, but not anytime soon. But the baby head on this one looks like a doll's head. The worst baby cake ever was that one I'm thinking of was one that was way too realistic. It came complete with a bowl of placenta. It is on here someplace, but it grosses me out too much to even search for it. Even worse, there is a gif of either that cake or a similar one where someone is slicing the head. Even though the brain knows that it is cake, the heart is screaming, "You're cutting a baby's head open!" The stomach is just muttering, "So much for lunch."

I totally agree with you Waneta. This is not the most disgusting cake I have seen on here. I can't believe everyone's reactions. I thought maybe I have been reading Cakewrecks long enough to not be affected.

You know...there are many times on here that you warn us about the horrific pictures to come...but THAT truly shocked me. And I am a BIRTH DOULA by trade. Most of time in response to those posts, I softly gasp or chuckle. This time, I slapped my hand over my mouth and my eyebrows bumped into the ceiling. WOW. I just...wow.

I know I'm late to this party but am I only the only one who feel the first cake was by far the worst? I totally agree that childbirth should NEVER be represented in cake (and Rosemary must have been the mother of the second to last cake's baby!) BUT the first one? OMG s*** in a sanitary pad? The mind just boggles as to what kind of human being thought this up? And the one who agreed to make it! O.o

Okay, like many others...that next to last cake is going to give me nightmares. I have to admit I find it funny though how all the "push" cakes generate comments talking about what women wear while giving birth. It all depends on your comfort level, where you are, etc. Although I have not had children, I've heard many women who have say that especially after a long labor, they get hot and sweat (I would expect so since it's hard work), but many others are fine wearing clothes, some are fine in a hospital gown, etc. I do think though that a lot more women end up taking off at least some clothing for giving birth than people normally acknowledge, but it's more likely to happen in non-hospital births since you aren't as restricted whereas in a hospital setting there's a likely chance you'll be hooked up to monitors and confined to a bed at a certain point.

I am new to this custom cake making stuff and was looking for some ideas for a baby shower custom cakes. I opened your link out of some weird curiosity. Most cakes are horrendous, but the second last cake was an absolute horror! It was like baby exorcist!

OMG!!!! Just when I thought I had gotten over my fear of childbirth... I saw the second to the last cake - yup, I'm scarred for life! If I could spell the shivering cringe sound I made when I saw that, I would!

Wot a cracker...the bub coming out the vag is priceless!!! Wish i was having another bub...id def get this ...f*@kin hilariously awesome!! Maybe should try for no 6 just to have this cake ;-) people need to have bit of sense of humour....life is too short to be so dramatic & prudish!!!

Eww. When I saw psycho baby head I did some sort of laugh/gag/puke in mouth sort of thing. But I plan to bookmark this for when my daughter hits her teen years, so I can say "Here's what birth looks like. Minus the whipped topping."

Come on people, these cakes are made for humor, not to ne taken serious. Its amazing how people can watch mothers having babies and its a beautiful thing. But when you see a cake that means the same thing, its gross???? Grow up people!!!.