Kevin Hart made his Saturday Night Live hosting debut this weekend and although we had high hopes for the comedian, his performance — like most of SNL this season — was lackluster, to say the least. True, Hart’s opening monologue was far better than most hosts who grace the stage, but his inability to keep a straight-face in the simplest of roles and flubbing through the cue-cards on Weekend Update left us wishing for more. Don’t believe us? Catch up on all the SNL mediocrity you may have missed below.
Sequester Cold Open: Jay Pharoah once again channeled his inner President Obama and took the podium to explain the recent budget cuts. It was just as you would expect from an Obama cold open and told through the signature abrupt pauses that only our President and Pharoah have seemed to truly master. However, things took a turn for the random — and we’ll admit, totally awesome — when the Village People-esque workers took the stage for a subtle Y-M-C-A shout-out.
Kevin Hart’s Monologue: At first it felt like we were watching one of Hart’s Comedy Central specials, and that was what made this host’s opening so enjoyable. Rather than trying to woo the audience with an overly-rehearsed and tired song-and-dance, Hart opted to rant about an encounter with a homeless man at Panera Bread mixed with his audition impressions for SNL, The result was a random and smile-inducing monologue that left you with a hilariously random visual of a man placing his entire palm on a stranger’s sandwich.
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Steve Harvey Show: Phobias: Keenan Thompson once again donned his Steve Harvey bald cap and introduced audiences to his newest segment on phobias—that’s pronounced pho-by-ahs. Hart played a man who was deathly afraid of horses because they would “steal his rings.” The sketch was most definitely a flop and when they brought out a fake stuffed replica, the phrase “beating a dead horse” took on a whole new meaning.
New Pope: The newest pope has been announced and it’s… Quvenzhané Wallis?! Hart took on the character of the pint-sized Oscar nominee making her the youngest, first female, and first African American pope in the Catholic church history. Wearing a dark blue replica of her Oscar dress and perfecting Wallis’ strong man/fist pump move, Hart fully committed to the bit.
Barnes and Noble Firing: Bobby Moynihan and Cecily Strong's disgruntled-employees sketch threw a plethora of jokes at the audience, and while not all of them were successful, the rapid-fire of insults were enough to make us giggle. Apparently Hart thought it was funny too because he couldn't seem to keep a straight face at the end of the scene.
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Weekend Update: Really?! with Seth and Kevin Hart: All we’re going to say is no Really?! segment is truly successful unless Amy Poehler and/or Tina Fey is involved. Also, Hart kept tripping over words despite the fact that the cue-cards were right in front of him.
The Walking Dead: In perhaps his best sketch of the night, Hart enters the world of The Walking Dead and takes on the question, “What if a zombie was black?” Hart is clearly a zombie, but every time the group attempts to shoot him or question him, Hart quickly accused the gang of being racist. Bonus-Points for incorporating the thriller dance into this one.
Shark Tank: Hart aims to offer the ABC investors a revolutionary product but all we were left with was a ho-hum sketch. His brilliant product is a lampshade with a pair of sunglasses on it and the entire sketch felt like we were on the outside of someone’s awkwardly confusing inside joke.
Z-Shirt: Taking advantage of Hart’s excessive energy, the powers-that-be at SNL created a ‘90s-themed commercial for “Z-shirt” Basically, Hart went all the way from A to L asking what kind of shirt his friend was wearing. The only positive was the vague Fresh Prince of Bel-Air graffiti-filled basketball court, and that’s just because we like bright colors.
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Recording Session: Hart and the lovely Vanessa Bayer were competing to be the voice-over actor for Dove chocolate — or as Hart calls them “chocolate nugget things.” This sketch was actually a lot like Dove chocolate: sweet and satisfying, but if you were to have too much, like a whole episodes worth, you’ll feel sick.
Oh and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis were on hand to perform that song that used-to-be awesome but now it just wont die: "Thrift Shop."
What did you think of Hart’s performance on SNL this week? Sound off in the comments below!
Follow Leanne on Twitter @LeanneAguilera
[Photo Credit: Dana Edelson/NBC]
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Oh snap, crackle, thin mint! Honey Boo Boo has been known to holla for many a thing, but it seems like this go-around, it's the Girls Scouts of the United States of America (GSUSA for short) that are doing the hollering. And it's not for any good reason.
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Seems that Ms. Boo Boo (Alana Thompson for you purists out there) tried to leverage her fame for cookie fortune. In the hopes of helping out a family friend, Thompson took to her Facebook page to peddle America's Favorite Addiction — Girl Scout cookies — to the masses of fans (more than 701,000 of them) that follow her on the site. Man, what a way to learn the valuable lessons of hard work, determination, social interaction, and general business savvy. Only not really because it's not exactly allowed. According to TMZ, the GSUSA explained that online selling of their prized goods is off-limits, as it completely defeats the whole purpose of selling the cookies face-to-face in the first place. Woops! Hollywood.com has reached out for comment, but did not hear back at the time of publication.
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Thompson and her family were forced to take their advertisement for cookie sales (complete with an autographed box from the whole Honey Boo Boo gang!) offline, but it seems that fans who were quick to order the cookies were successful in achieving their cookie-and-autograph dreams.
Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes
[Photo Credit: FameFlynet]
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Wow. Stephen Amell has been lovingly calling tonight’s episode of Arrow “Holy S**tballs” for some time now, but that was an understatement. I know I’ve been saying this mostly every week, but "Dead to Rights" was seriously the best episode yet – no exaggeration. This hour had enough cliffhangers, gasp-inducing reveals, and epic action sequences to be a season finale. But we still have so many episodes left before that happens, thank The CW gods!
I was already excited to get into the hour thanks to the "previously on Arrow" segment. You can always tell what the focus of the episode is going to be based on what they choose remind you about. Finally, we were going to focus on Malcolm and the reveal that he's the Dark Archer! After he took down Arrow – mentally and physically – in the midseason finale, we haven’t really gotten a chance to dive into Malcolm’s history. How did he become the Dark Archer?
Before we got into that, we met this week’s inconsequential villain of the week: Guillermo Barrera, an assassin for hire. Ooh, finally, a villain with tricks of his own to match Arrow’s. Nice knives, Guillermo Barrera! Oh wait, Arrow took him down in less than a minute. Just kidding. Nice knowing you, Guillermo Barrera!
Quick cut to the reason why we should now possibly ‘ship Diggle and Felicity: Diggle was trying to teach Felicity some self-defense moves so she doesn’t end up with a bomb collar wrapped around her neck again. Diggle’s arms, where have you been hiding? Okay, back to the show: Oliver had no patience for Diggle and Felicity’s banter, since he had a date to get to:
Oliver: I have to meet McKenna.Diggle: Good thing she didn’t meet you at the heliport. It may not be a good idea to fall for the cop that’s hunting you down.Oliver: Well it’s slim pickings for us vigilantes.
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Now, is it just me or was Oliver not so psyched to go on his date with McKenna? Trouble in paradise already? I hope so… I still haven’t forgiven her for prying too much into Oliver’s island life. Which brings us to:
The island flashback of the week! We got a nice juxtaposition of Oliver who could barely do a pull up to the perfect human specimen we now see working that salmon ladder before the show each week. And of course, Slade Wilson gave the best reason for why so much working out is featured on the show:
Oliver: Why the sudden desire to work out?Slade: What else is there to do?
That explains how Oliver got so buff in his five years being marooned on the island… there really wasn’t anything else to do! But Oliver of course didn’t want to just sit around and wait to die; he still thought they could figure out another way off the island. (Side note: I am absolutely loving the sarcastic quips Slade always seems to have at his disposal: “We could build ourselves a boat! Like they did on Gilligan’s Island!”) Ollie noticed a broken radio in the plane debris and thought he could fix it. Color me surprised that party boy pre-Arrow Oliver actually had some productive skills (outside of the bedroom, obviously). More hilarious Slade one-liners came when Oliver said his father used to do his own aircraft maintenance: “So you’re hoping aircraft maintenance is genetic?” This guy needs his own stand up routine!
Slade was annoyed that Oliver would rather tinker with the radio than train “for the inevitable fight that’s looming” (he really has a way with words, doesn’t he?), but Oliver knew his fighting skills were severely lacking. His hard work soon paid off: he got a signal on the radio!
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Unfortunately, the radio only let Oliver and Slade listen in on others’ broadcasts. But they were able to get important information via eavesdropping: the man who hired Fires went by codename Scylla, a.k.a. one of the monsters in Homer’s Odyssey (Yay, more Odyssey references!). Slade had a new mission: find out who Scylla was and take him down. To his surprise, Oliver was ready to join him. Oliver was finally making the conscious choice to go out and fight “monsters” like Scylla! His body might not have been at Arrow’s standard yet but his mind and motivation sure were.
Interesting thing to note: Scylla is Russian. Could this be Oliver’s connection to the Bratva finally explained?
Back in civilization and the present, it was time for a party because it was Tommy’s birthday! Laurel decided to celebrate by wearing the most HORRENDOUS BODY SUIT EVER. Girl, what were you thinking? To be fair, she kind of made up for her terrible fashion choice when she gave us our first Easter egg at her maybe-future as the Black Canary. When showing a picture of her dead sister, she was asked about the black canary in the background. Apparently her father bought it as a pet but it drove them nuts with its nonstop chirping.
The party seemed like it was going great despite the awkwardness of Oliver and McKenna double dating with Tommy and Laurel (Tommy and Oliver even got in some bromantic jokes about Laurel’s awful cooking) until Malcolm party crashed. He wanted to repair his relationship with his son, and invited him to an event where Malcolm was being honored. Tommy is totally done with his dad, though, and made it clear he wouldn’t be attending. Something tells me that won’t sit well with Malcolm.
After Moira contracted China White to kill Malcolm, China White decided to employ a third party. She asked for Deadshot’s help, but he’d lost his edge ever since Arrow took out his eye. He was drinking and smoking, calling himself retired. Not a good look. But when China White offered him a new contraption, a glowing red eye, he was more than happy to get back in the killing game. Ladies and gentlemen, we have Deadshot in all his glory!
We learned from Moira that the undertaking is only months from fruition… will we finally find out what, exactly, that entails? It’s interesting that coming from Malcolm, the undertaking will be good for Starling City. He actually twisted Arrow’s words, saying, “We won’t fail this city.” But Moira was throwing serious shade toward him and the plan. We know the undertaking will kill innocent people, but how? Also, major props to her, lying right to his face about being with him while simultaneously planning his assassination. That is cold, girl.
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Back in the Arrow lair, Felicity was trying to crack the code in Guillermo Barrera’s phone to figure out who the hit was on. This gave us the opportunity for more banter between her and Oliver:
Felicity: Codebreaker is my middle name. Actually it’s Megan but –Oliver: Felicity!
Oliver was not having Felicity’s snark. But sparks were flying, right? This is totally going to be a thing, right? (RIGHT?!)
After Tommy’s dad ruined his celebration, Oliver decided to take Tommy out for some bro-bonding while simultaneously checking out a restaurant that doubled as a front for the Triad. Oliver made a quick Arrow appearance to figure out who the target of the assassination was, and to protect his identity he squeezed hot sauce in the poor lackey’s eyes. Ouch! “Check please!”
Before Oliver’s side mission, we really got a nice glimpse into just how far back Tommy and Oliver go. This is one friendship that will take more than just a girl to tear apart. We also got some interesting information about Malcolm via Tommy’s childhood. After Tommy’s mother’s murder, Malcolm left for two years and when he returned, he was “so fricking cold.” This story sounds an awful lot like Oliver’s! Could this be his version of being marooned on an island, but instead he was just training to become the Dark Archer? My totally unverified hypothesis is that Malcolm disappeared for two years training with Yao Fei. No idea how that would fit into the story, but that’s my guess and I’m sticking with it! There are no coincidences on TV dramas.
When Oliver found out that Malcolm was the target of the assassination, he called up Det. Lance. The partnership grows! You can’t stop it, Lance, so just let it happen. Honestly, he should probably stop trying to capture Arrow altogether since they’re doing so much good together, but whatever. This is a guy who can’t let go of a grudge, so there’s pretty much no shot in hell that they’re going to become friends. Oh well.
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The night of the big event loomed. Moira showed some anxiety, but was it over planning Malcolm’s murder or worry for her own safety should the order not be carried out perfectly? Tommy took Oliver’s advice and was going to give his dad a shot. He was going to the event, too! And for some reason I can’t figure out other than foreshadowing, Laurel’s mom was calling and she ignored it. What’s going on with that?
Meanwhile, Oliver and McKenna were on a date in his under-construction nightclub. How romantic? Oliver made a joke about how he wouldn't be the one choosing the bands and DJs to play since he doesn’t know who’s cool right now. In an unfortunately timed joke, Oliver asked if Fall Out Boy was still cool, and McKenna told him they broke up and were never cool. There are many things wrong with that statement, honey. First of all, Fall Out Boy never officially broke up. They went on a hiatus for a couple years. But they just announced their new album and tour a couple weeks ago, after this episode was filmed. Oops! (Also, they were definitely cool and still are. So there!)
The funniest thing about tonight’s episode? The fact that Malcolm Merlyn was being honored as Starling City’s humanitarian of the year. Biggest joke ever! So incredibly ironic, but hey, that’s corruption at its finest, right? Too bad for Malcolm — his big celebration wasn’t going to end well. China White was incognito, which basically means switching the colors of her hair and clothing. Black on top, white on bottom! Now she’s just Pearl from The Vampire Diaries again. Where's Anna? Sorry, wrong CW show.
When Moira saw Tommy at the event, you could just see the emotions erupt on her face. Susanna Thompson played that beautifully. She instantly realized Tommy was about to lose the only parent he had left. That was just crushing, and also a bit confusing. I honestly don’t know who to hate right now/anymore. Both Malcolm and Moira used to be the villains we hated. But we are learning that Malcolm clearly did love his wife, and all he cared about when the fire alarm went off at the event was making sure Tommy was safe. Plus, Moira was showing true heart. Things are getting more complex here!
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Malcolm took Tommy up to his office where he has a panic room (of course), but they ran into some Triad goons on the way. Tommy started to freak out until Malcolm shot one of them in the head without hesitating... then Tommy was really freaked out. The guy just watched his dad kill someone by shooting them point blank in the head. Some questions have definitely arisen.
Once they got to Malcolm’s office, Malcolm explained that they’d be fine since the windows were bulletproof glass. Did that mean Deadshot was screwed? At least that meant the Merlyns had some quiet time to talk things out. Would Malcolm finally tell Tommy the truth about his past and how he was the Dark Archer? It seemed that way, until Deadshot fired his curare-laced bullets through the window. So much for bulletproof glass…
Malcolm was hit, though the worst of the shots hit his bulletproof vest, but since the bullets were poisoned, the one in his neck took him down. Oliver arrived on the scene as Arrow, but Tommy wouldn’t let him help heal Malcolm from the poison since obviously Tommy had no reason to trust the vigilante. Just when we started to think this was the end for Malcolm, OLIVER REVEALED HIMSELF TO TOMMY. Um, WHAT?!
Obviously, Tommy was in shock (along with the rest of us!), but he let Oliver perform an emergency blood transfusion to save his father. When Starling City police arrived on the scene, Det. Lance found it hard to believe that Tommy would let a stranger perform that medical procedure on both him and his father, and Lance asked him if the vigilante is his friend. Tommy told Lance the truth: “I don’t know who the hell he is.” He may now know that Oliver is the vigilante, but he has now seen side to his best friend that he never even knew existed. Later on, Tommy asked Oliver if he'd ever planned to tell him the truth about being the vigilante, and Oliver told him point blank that he hadn’t. I said earlier that it would take more than just a girl to come between these two friends, and I think we just found out what that was. This is a major turning point in both Tommy and Oliver’s friendship and Tommy's life in general.
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Tommy just found out both his father and his best friend have been lying about who they are, and that they’re both killers. Will this spark a downward spiral? Will his feelings of betrayal motivate him to become the real Dark Archer? Was Malcolm just a red herring?
When Oliver returned to the Arrow lair, he had to break the news to Diggle that since Malcolm’s bullet was laced with curare, that meant Deadshot was actually still alive. Dig took it pretty hard, since that meant his brother’s killer was still up and walking around, not put into the ground like he previously believed. I hope Diggle gets the skip back in his step soon (a.k.a. Arrow kills Deadshot). I miss happy, joking Diggle!
And since this is Arrow, we couldn’t end the episode with just one game-changer, we had to have another in the last ten seconds! Remember that ignored call from Laurel’s mom? Turns out she really needed to talk with Laurel, so she showed up outside Laurel’s door for a surprise visit. Hi mom! You have terrible timing.
But this wasn’t just some ordinary visit: Laurel’s mom thought Sarah might still be alive! Seriously? I thought her fate was pretty much sealed after seeing her violently ripped out of Oliver’s arms during the shipwreck, but perhaps Laurel’s mom doesn’t know just how bad the shipwreck was. False hope? Who knows. ...Is it mean to say who cares?
I just wanted more of Tommy and Oliver after the big reveal! If Sarah truly is still alive, it could change the entire course of the show. Could she have been missing all this time, training to be Black Canary instead of Laurel? Arrow does like to fake us out. Slade Wilson wasn’t Deathstroke, Tommy isn’t the Dark Archer (yet), so this could potentially be huge. Or maybe Laurel’s mom is delusional. Either one, really.
Follow Sydney on Twitter: @SydneyBucksbaum
[Photo Credit: Jack Rowand/The CW]
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Even before Twilight — or Harry Potter — Hollywood had made a habit of turning beloved books into movie hits. You can thank the vampire craze for the booming genre of young adult fiction in publishing, though, and its success (along with Potter's and The Hunger Games') has paved the way for a booming, previously untapped market.
The latest book-to-movie adaptation, Beautiful Creatures about a 15-year-old witch, her mortal boyfriend, and their ill-fated romance, hits theaters on Thursday, Feb. 14. It's just the first in a string of post-Twilight, post-Hunger Games movies based on popular YA book series to hit the theaters (or the small screen) in 2013. Instead of catching up on dozens of novels, why not peruse Hollywood.com's YA primer for a taste of each before you decide which books are worthy of your time?
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Beautiful Creatures, Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl
What Happens:Lena comes from a long line of casters (witches), who, upon their 16th birthday, are claimed for the light or the dark. She moves in with her shut-in uncle in a small Southern town and becomes increasingly worried that she'll go dark as her fateful claiming day approaches. Complicating matters further is that she falls in love with mortal Ethan, her new classmate.
Love Triangle? Not here. These two fall in love almost immediately, but Lena's claiming is what comes between them.
Development: This movie comes out on Valentine's Day. You should probably pay better attention to the billboards and commercials (and the second paragraph of this story).
Who's Attached: Alden Ehrenreich and Alice Englert play the mortal and caster who fall in love, while a pedigreed cast of veterans, including Viola Davis, Jeremy Irons, and Emma Thompson, add their support.
Should You Read? Like many series, the first book's engaging, while the subsequent volumes run off the rails. Stick with Beautiful Creatures and you won't be disappointed.
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Divergent, Veronica Roth
What Happens:In a dystopian future, civilization has split up into personality-based factions. Once children reach high-school age, they're tested to find out the tribe for which they're most suited. Abegnation (Selfless) teen Beatrice learns that she has qualities of her native faction, along with Erudite (Intelligent) and Dauntless (Brave) — she's divergent, a very dangerous quality. Beatrice decides to join the Dauntless, renames herself Tris, and learns how brave she actually is.
Love Triangle? Nope. But Tris does fall for her sexy, older instructor, Four, also a former Abignation.
Development: Production should start any day now, and the project is actively casting. Neil Burger will direct the film, which is being produced by Summit Entertainment (the company behind Twilight).
Who's Attached: Oscar nominee Shailene Woodley will star, but her love interest is proving harder to cast. Kate Winslet is circling the project, though it's unknown what character she'd potentially play.
Should You Read? Heck yes. Plus, the sequel, Insurgent, is just as good — a rarity in the YA book world.
NEXT: Forbidden Love, Demon-Fighters, and Hunger Games Bachelor-Style
Delirium, Lauren Oliver
What Happens:In a dystopian near-future, love has been banned. All teenagers undergo a surgery that eliminates the emotion from their brains after their 18th birthday, when they are matched with their spouse. Lena is all set to live her assigned life, but things get complicated when she meets a boy from the Wilds — the forest outside her walled-in society — and, naturally, falls in love before her operation.
Love Triangle? It's a little hard to have a triangle when love is outlawed, but Lena has her share of illicit affairs. In both the first and the second books of the trilogy she manages to develop real, passionate feelings.
Development: Fox is currently producing a pilot for the 2013-2014 broadcast season.
Who's Attached: Emma Roberts will star as our rebellious heroine Lena, but her potential boyfriend/s has/have not yet been cast.
Should You Read? Definitely. Delirium is fascinating, and the sequel, Pandemonium, is unique in that the setting and most of the characters are completely different from the first book — usually there's not such a drastic change.
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The Mortal Instruments, Cassandra Clare
What Happens:Ordinary teenager Clary finds out that she's a member of a secret race of Shadowhunters, or demon-fighters, and is taken in by bad boy Jace and shadowhunter siblings Alec and Isabelle when her mother is kidnapped by the Voldemort-like evil villain Valentine. Clary and her new friends must find the Mortal Cup to save her mother — and prevent Valentine from rising to power again.
Love Triangle? Clary's mortal BFF Simon is hopelessly in love with her, but she's too busy crushing on buff, badass demon hunter Jace to notice.
Development: This one's already been made — The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones was filmed in Toronto in 2012 and is scheduled to hit theaters on August 23, 2013.
Who's Attached: Lily Collins stars as Clary, while former Twilight vampire Jamie Campbell Bower plays Jace, Kevin Zegers is Alec, and Jemima West is Isabelle. Robert Sheehan, of the British teen superhero series Misfits, plays Simon.
Should You Read? The first book's an engrossing introduction to the shadowhunter world, but you don't need to read more than that. Plus, there's a weird incesty storyline that we just can't get behind even though it's easy to predict the eventual, non-gross outcome.
The Selection, Kiera Cass
What Happens: In a dystopian future (sense a theme?), low-caste teenager America Singer is chosen, Hunger Games-style, to compete in a Bachelor-esque contest to win the prince's hand in marriage. Unfortunately, the rebel forces who oppose the prince's father's rule decide to disrupt the competition as a way to win back the kingdom.
Love Triangle? Although America's dedicated to her secret fiance, a lower-class soldier assigned to protect the castle where she's now living, she strikes up a very real friendship with the prince that has the potential to blossom into something more.
Development: The CW developed (and rejected) a pilot for the 2012 season, but has completely revamped the script and story — deviating from the book's framework in very key ways — for a second go-around.
Who's Attached: Aimee Teegarden and Ethan Peck played America and Prince Maxon in the first version, but both actors have moved on since then and the project is actively casting round two.
Should You Read? In a word, no. If the show makes it to series, a quick plot summary is more than enough to catch you up on the book series' goings-on. Besides, most TV shows adapted from books deviate from the original plot within episodes.
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The Fault in Our Stars, John Green
What Happens:Just because a book is YA doesn't mean it needs supernatural romance or a dystopian bent. This very modern, very real novel follows teenage cancer patient Hazel as she meets and falls in love with fellow cancer victim Augustus. Other stuff happens too, but you'll be too busy crying — tears of sorrow, tears of happiness, tears of joy, tears of grief – to articulate the plot too.
Love Triangle? Only disease gets in the way of Hazel and Augustus' love.
Development: The movie, written by (500) Days of Summer scribes Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, is set to film over the summer.
Who's Attached: TFIOS hasn't been cast yet, but add Hollywood.com to the list of many who believe Mae Whitman would be the perfect Hazel.
Should You Read? You mean you haven't yet? TFIOS was No. 1 on Time's best books of 2012 list — not best YA books, best of all books. Get to a bookstore/library/ebook purveyor immediately, and don't forget the tissues. You'll need them.
Vampire Academy, Richelle Mead
What Happens: Rose Hathaway is headstrong, independent Dhampir (half-human/half-vampire) bodyguard in training to protect her best friend, Moroi (vampire) princess Lissa Dragomir, the last in her royal bloodline following a tragic car accident. The Strigoi – the fiercest and most dangerous undead vampires who kill humans, Moroi, and Dhampirs —have made it their mission to end Royal bloodlines, so Lissa is their prime target. Rose and Lissa have been on the run from St. Vladimir's Academy because of the dangers the Strigoi present, but they're dragged back to the school where they become enmeshed in government politics, the school's social scene and Rose's forbidden romance with her much older instructor, Dimitri Belikov, who is known as a god among the Guardians.
Love Triangle? Not really. Rose and Dimitri’s romance is filled with enough obstacles without another person complicating things, but another Dhampir student, Mason, tries to throw his hat in the ring with deadly consequences. Later in the series, a royal Moroi complicates the romance a bit, though.
Development: Optioned by Preger Entertainment way back in the summer of 2010, the movie adaptation is finally moving forward with a cast and everything. Heathers’ Dan Waters wrote the script, and Don Murphy will produce. The name of the first movie has changed from Vampire Academy to Vampire Academy: Blood Sisters, the name of the first book in the German version of the series.
Who’s Attached: Zoey Deutch, who has a supporting part in Beautiful Creatures, will star as Rose, Aussie actress Lucy Fry will play Lissa, and Russian superstar (but unknown in the U.S.) Danila Kozlovsky will play Dimitri.
Should You Read? Sure — the series is pretty engrossing; there's a reason author Richelle Mead wrote a spinoff series, Bloodlines, with characters from the VA world. If you’re into the supernatural but want a more mature series to get into, this is for you.
Follow Jean on Twitter @hijean
[PHOTO CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures; Penguin Group; Margaret K. McElderry; Harper Teen; Katherine Tegen Books; Harper Collins Publishing; Dutton Books: Little, Brown and Co.; Dutton Books]

That was an… interesting turn of events, now wasn't it? Not only did Billy St. Cyr totally die (I was wrong… dead wrong), but Rachel aligned with Raylan, getting down with her bad self in an atypically lady-centric episode for this series. Boyd and Raylan may be the stars of the show, but the women in their lives are greatly contributing to the Season 4 script — so much so that Billy has already been eliminated, leaving Boyd with both Ellen May and Cassie on his case (possibly together?), and Raylan has (temporarily) brushed aside the Drew Thompson mystery in favor of chasing Lindsey. (And, well, his $20,000.)
Let's start with Raylan and Rachel: boy, was it nice to see these two partnered up. For one, she was finally allowed to do something besides stand there. For two, her personal issues have her going slightly off the rails, which has allowed her to see and do things on Raylan's level, for once. She's still much more put together than he is — which is not hard, as so is Lindsey Lohan — but she makes a good foil for the typically solitary old grump, who could use a trusted companion. (Like Doctor Who!)
Their partnership began during that coworker happy hour they indulged in at the end of last week, which ended in the realization that Lindsey (and the cash) had split. As it turns out, Randall didn't take her, she left on her own accord. ("I'm thinkin' you should have seen this coming," says Rachel. She's right. Get a bank account, Raylan.) Also, the $20,000 was meant for fighters — not people fighters, fighters of the chicken variety. (It was only a matter of time before Justified featured cockfighting, right?) But, alas, Randall's lifelong dream of fighting cocks was never meant to be, as Lindsey became frustrated by his jealous Hulk-like proclivities. As she explained to Raylan earlier, Randall was imprisoned for beating up a guy who was a mark in their tried and true scheme — she flirts, he steals. Their target this week was an unexpecting elderly-ish camera-enthusiast at a convenience store, and the Lindz was not happy when Randall's jealous streak returned. You know who doesn't get jealous? Raylan. So, who did she call when Randall was beating the guy to smithereens? Raylan, who (with Rachel) was able to track down the call (and the couple).
At this point, Rachel had to say goodbye: she offered to call out sick but Raylan, of course, needed to do this part on his own. Interestingly, it was largely because the matter had become largely personal. When Rachel and Raylan surveyed the damage in the bar bedroom, he seemed really, genuinely sad that he was betrayed by someone who he thought had actually liked him. (Oh, Raylan. How can anyone truly love you, until you learn to love yourself?) And when Lindsey finally betrayed Randall by using the beanbag-round rifle Rachel gifted Raylan (say that ten times fast) to shoot R1 instead of R2, he was very happy to be able to say "I knew you liked me."
Well, maybe she did, but not enough to stick around: Raylan ended up shackled to Randall, who he brought in to go back to the slammer. "At the end of the day when it's all done, she's still kinda worth it though, isn't she?" Randall said, very sadly. Raylan seemed to agree — whatever magic tricks this woman knows, they're very effective.
Now, some family purists might bemoan the fact that Raylan has fallen for this bad girl instead of chasing after the pregnant Winona, but someone as put together (and, let's face it, judgmental) as Winona would never completely work with Raylan. As much as he tries to distance himself from his roots, he's a Harlan boy and always will be, one on side or the other. Lindsey understands that. Also, Winona left to hang out with a serial killer and Kevin Bacon, so there's that.
But Raylan's adventure pales in comparison to Boyd, Ava, Colt, and Ellen May's — we all knew that Ellen May was about to meet her maker when Colt got that call, but I sure wouldn't have thought that someone would have swiped her before Colt got the chance to turn out the lights. Who was it? Well, let's start at the beginning:
Ellen May wanted to come home and "work" after Billy's death (PS — anyone else wondering what the bottom-dwelling Johns at a whorehouse are like?), but Ava was afraid that she may have confessed her sins regarding Delroy's death before Billy's untimely passing. Boyd was actually willing to forgive and forget after he did some sleuthing, by having Cassie brought in to Shelby's office for an interrogation. Before she came in we saw a note that Drew Thompson was alive on the screen, but that's being saved for another day. Anyway, he got nothing out of Cassie. He set it up as a meeting to obtain incriminating info on Boyd, but all she claimed to know was what everyone else knew: that Boyd was a bad, bad man who dealt women and drugs. Boyd and Ava were on speaker phone, and Cassie's words seemed to quell Boyd's fears — but not Ava's. She wanted to send Ellen May, the wild card, out of town to work for Boyd's born-again cousin in a motel. "The next time you give a blow job, it's because you want to," Ava said. Wonderful. This would have all worked out perfectly, had Ellen May not brought up the fact that she wouldn't snitch about Delroy IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROWDED BAR. Which leads us back to the aforementioned doomed death march with Colt, who was tasked with dropping her off at the crowded bus stop in the sky.
So, who snatched her up while Colt was taking a leak? I'm torn between two parties: on the one hand we have Wynn Duffy and Johnny, the latter knowing full well what happened to Delroy, and what Ellen May could possibly do for them with her insider information. However, there is also Cassie, who I'm convinced is about 1,000 times smarter than she looks. Cassie could have been faking it for Shelby, knowing full well not to trust anyone in this town. Either way, once again, Boyd is royally f***ed.
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: FX]
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We're afraid Adam Levine has a long way to go before he's in Justin Timberlake territory. Or maybe it's just that the material he was given when hosting Saturday Night Live on Jan. 26 was particularly subpar. Though he did prove an uncanny Nev Schulman in a parody of Catfish and ably lent his pipes to the latest Lonely Island digital short, when it comes to singing or comedy, we'd have to advise Levine to stick with his day job. From his opening monologue, it was clear what kind of jokes Saturday Night Live was going to insist on giving him: jokes about how handsome he is! Yeah, you can stretch that out over 90 minutes.
Obama and MLK Cold Open
Gotta admire SNL for resisting the urge to do an MSNBC/FoxNews mash-up spoof about the cablers’ totally skewed coverage of the inauguration: “That crowd is so huge!” “That crowd is so small!” Instead they went with something a bit more daring to recognize the beginning of President Obama’s second term. The ghost of Martin Luther King Jr. (Kenan Thompson) came off the mountaintop and down to earth for a chat with Obama (Jay Pharaoh). Turns out he wasn’t here for inspiration, or to pass the torch or anything like that. One guy to another, Dr. King just wanted to talk about how easy on the eyes Beyoncé was at the inauguration and how wished he could tweet from beyond so he could use the hashtag #JayZIsALuckyMan. And, of course, like all of America, living or ghosts, Dr. King was obsessed with Michelle’s bangs: “When she gets those bangs cut, she’ll be like ‘I can see at last! I can see at last! Thank God, I can see at last!” But what about how far African-Americans have come since the good Reverend’s time? Well, yes we do have a black President, but "we’re still waiting on our first black magician." Definitely a creative take on what Obama’s second inauguration means for the country and the legacy of the civil rights movement. It also goes to show that after years of struggling, Lorne Michaels &amp; Co. have totally given up on trying to make Obama funny. Pharaoh’s take on the Commander-in-Chief is completely that of a comedic straight man, with the funny happening around Obama, not because of him.
Adam Levine’s Monologue
Once the elfin Maroon 5 frontman took the stage, the jokes quickly became more obvious. Yes, Adam Levine is handsome. Yes, he’s a judge on a hit NBC singing competition called The Voice. Thank you for reminding us of it. Oh, I’m sorry. They’re not “judges,” they’re “coaches.” Almost immediately, Andy Samberg in a dressing gown pivoted in his swivel chair to offer some comedy coaching to Levine. After all he’s “been in over a hundred digital shorts and three live sketches.” Then for a blonde bombshell wearing a delicately askew miniature top-hat, a bombshell who could properly objectify Levine, Cameron Diaz swiveled around to ask him to take off his shirt. To round out the troika was Jerry Seinfeld! Though, sadly, Seinfeld was really only there to comment on Levine’s status as a Jewish-American heartthrob and to say Newman-style, “Helloooo…Adam.” The monologue ended predictably, with Levine sans shirt.
Rosetta Stone
Those amateur linguists in the commercials for the Rosetta Stone language-instruction programs sure are earnest. Why Rosetta Stone? Because it offers instruction in Thai. Why is learning Thai exciting? Because Thailand is the sex tourism capital of the world! Thus began the obviousness that would dominate the rest of the night.
Advice Show
Obvious comedy is one thing. That’s been a major problem on SNL for years. But Levine’s hosting gig was also marked by some odd gay-baiting jokes. See the overlong parody of a public-access TV advice show, “The Circle,” in which two gay guys (Kenan Thompson and Levine) offer “gay solutions to straight problems.” Levine’s lispy, cockatoo-haired host, who says things like “You’re as gay as a gay goose in a gay pride parade,” was borderline offensive.
Sopranos High
The best post-cold open sketch of the night riffed on The Carrie Diaries and imagined another beloved HBO show getting an ‘80s-set high school prequel treatment: The Sopranos. It’s 1983, so that means Tony Soprano (Bobby Moynihan) wears orange shirts with upturned collars and finds himself puzzled by the presence of Ewoks, or “bear people” as he’d put it, in Return of the Jedi. He’s also still prone to fits of combustible anger, like when the high school librarian tells him to be quiet: “Oh yeah? I’ll give you a book to read! ‘Call me Ishmael,’ you son of a bitch!”
Firehouse Incident
The second gay-baiting sketch of the night featured Bill Hader as a closeted fireman who’s so determined to overcompensate for his sexuality that he explodes at a fellow fireman (Levine) who’s talking to a girl he dated…nine years ago. They dated for two weeks and then he threw hot tea in her face when she tried to kiss him. Worse still, he totally flips out when he learns Don’t Trust the B--- in Apt. 23 is cancelled. “Not the B! That’s bonkers! What? What? You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Shrill and obnoxious.
Digital Short: YOLO
It was only a matter of time until Levine joined Andy Samberg for a Lonely Island digital short. This one was an anthemic pop take on the acronym YOLO, or “You Only Live Once.” But Samberg and Levine read that expression as literally as possible. Rather than live in the moment and embrace the here and now, they live in abject fear of anything even remotely dangerous and their mantra is “There’s no such thing as too much Purell.” The funny thing about hearing Levine’s soaring pipes on the chorus was to realize just how similar in form this kind of pop parody is to the real thing…and especially Levine’s own repertoire. A repertoire much more easily parodied than that of that other Lonely Island mainstay, Justin Timberlake. Samberg’s ongoing digital shorts still deconstruct contemporary pop with startling insight.
Arianna Huffington
By any standard, this was another weak Weekend Update. Following in the wake of those earlier, gay-baiting jokes, now came...women-baiting jokes. Arianna Huffington (Nasim Pedrad) made an appearance and ended up saying stuff like “There’s nothing women like less than other women. There are only two types of women women like: Oprah and women Oprah like.” Really?
Catfish
One remarkably brilliant bit of casting was to have Levine play his semi-doppelganger Nev Schulman from Catfish. “Catfish: The Movie was about me. Catfish: The TV Show is about you. But it’s still really about me.” He helps a woman who’s been in a 10-year online relationship with a man who’s supposedly been placed on a “Do Not Fly” List for being too handsome and lives in the Jetsons’ apartment. Again, pretty obvious. But Levine’s take on Nev—“As always I just woke up and the cameras caught me disheveled and cute”—was pretty genius.
Biden Bash
Come down to the Dover Speedway for Joe Biden’s Biden Bash! He’s gonna play the National Anthem as an electric guitar solo, Hendrix-style. And he’ll compete with you in that classic game, “Can you jump higher than me?” Any opportunity to see Jason Sudeikis play the VP is welcome, but nothing here really felt thought-out.
Adam and Janet
Lately SNL’s final sketches have been better than average. Not so with Levine playing himself. He’s just finished a concert and has gone home to the Yonkers apartment of one of his groupees. Because the only thing funnier than gay- and women-baiting jokes are “ugly women” jokes! Yep, Bobby Moynihan was the groupee and (s)he was given to saying stuff like, “I look like when they dressed up E.T. as an old lady.” Sigh.
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
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Every Lifetime Christmas movie is the same. There's usually a woman trying to make the perfect Christmas or fall in love right before the holidays or find someone in her life who she never thought she'd fall in love with but does. Santa appears, people kiss under mistletoe, there are hijinks and plucky music. There are faded stars and commercial breaks and everything ends with a log burning in the fire and snow falling on a happy home.
But just because every movie is the same doesn't mean we don't want to watch every campy predictable moment. This year the network has 10 (yes 10) new holiday-themed movies that it is trotting out before December 25. One of them you can already watch online for free! Here are all 10 movies and everything you need to know about them. Let your DVR get into the holiday.
Finding Mrs. Claus
Watch It: Sunday, December 2, at 9 PM
Description: Mrs. Claus has lost that loving feeling so she goes to Las Vegas to help a little girl get her Christmas wish. Of course Santa follows her and hijinks ensue.
Nostalgic Stars: Mad TV star Will Sasso and Oscar winner Mira Sorvino. Yes. Oscar.
Likelihood You'll Cry: About as likely as a coffee commercial.
Will Santa Appear?: Duh.
Will True Love Be Found?: Yes.
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: I'd bet Vixen on it.
Jesus Quotient: 0
Holly's Holiday
Watch It: Saturday, December 8, at 8 PM
Description: A woman falls in love with the mannequin in a store window and when she gets knocked out he comes to life and saves her.
Nostalgic Stars: Kim Cattrall. No wait, she's not in this. She was in Mannequin. This is the same movie with a gender swap.
Likelihood You'll Cry: Zero.
Will Santa Appear?: Nope.
Will True Love Be Found?: Yes, but not with the mannequin, with like her coworker she thought was mean or something.
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: No, put plenty of Holly puns.
Jesus Quotient: 0
All About Christmas Eve
Watch It: Sunday, December 9, at 9 PM
Description: Eve is a party planner and she has to choose between throwing a huge party on Christmas Eve or going on a romantical trip with her boyfriend. We see what happens if she chooses each option.
Nostalgic Stars: Gwyneth Paltrow. No wait, she's not in this. She was in Sliding Doors. This is the same movie but has Haylie Duff and Connie Sellecca.
Likelihood You'll Cry: About the same as watching a Gwyneth Paltrow movie.
Will Santa Appear?: As slim as Haylie Duff.
Will True Love Be Found?: Yes, in both realities.
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: No.
Jesus Quotient: 0
The Real St. Nick
Watch It: Saturday, December 15, at 8 PM
Description: A man is admitted to the hospital claiming he's Father Christmas. A nurse thinks he's crazy, until they fall in love and she learns to love Christmas too.
Nostalgic Stars: None.
Likelihood You'll Cry: About the same as at an 8th Grade graduation.
Will Santa Appear?: Certain.
Will True Love Be Found?: Equally certain.
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: Is Santa's belly full of jelly?
Jesus Quotient: 0
Merry In-Laws:
Watch It: Sunday, December 16, at 9 PM
Description: Alex is getting married and going to her fiance's house for Christmas...at the North Pole. Yup, she's the future Mrs. Claus Jr.
Nostalgic Stars: Shelley Long and George Wendt. Cheers reunion!
Likelihood You'll Cry: Only for missing Cheers.
Will Santa Appear?: Will he ever.
Will True Love Be Found?: Yes, and then lost. And then found again.
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: Does Shelley Long need more work?
Jesus Quotient: 0
Holiday High School Reunion
Watch It: Saturday, December 8, at 2 PM
Description: A young lady returns home a week before Christmas to try to win back her high school sweetheart.
Nostalgic Stars: Harry Hamlin, Marilu Henner
Likelihood You'll Cry: Were you bullied in high school? Then good.
Will Santa Appear?: Only in a light up lawn ornament in the front yard.
Will True Love Be Found?: Have you seen Sweet Home Alabama?
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: How sophomoric. (Get it?!)
Jesus Quotient: 0
Holiday Spin
Watch It: Friday, December 21, at 8 PM
Description: 17-year-old Blake's mother dies on Thanksgiving and he is forced to go live with his long-lost father in Miami. Dad owns a dance studio that will close if Blake and a female student don't win the annual Holiday Spin dance contest.
Nostalgic Stars: Ralph Macchio
Likelihood You'll Cry: Depends on how you feel about the cha-cha.
Will Santa Appear?: As a judge of the dance contest.
Will True Love Be Found?: Yes.
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: Probably not, but there will be twinkle toe jokes.
Jesus Quotient: 0
Christmas Consultant
Watch It: Right now!
Description: Maya has to throw an amazing Christmas party to impress her family and land a million dollar account at work, but she doesn't have any time. She hires a Christmas Consultant to do it everything! What, she doesn't know a gay?
Nostalgic Stars: David Hasselhoff
Likelihood You'll Cry: Watch the Hoff's cheeseburger video. You'll cry.
Will Santa Appear?: The consultant is Santa. Duh!
Will True Love Be Found?: She already is married, but she'll love her husband again.
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: Is Kitt a talking car?
Jesus Quotient: 0
The March Sisters At Christmas
Watch It: Friday, November 30, at 8 PM
Description: It's a retelling of Little Women where the four sisters have to save their parents house before Christmas.
Nostalgic Stars: None.
Likelihood You'll Cry: Let us all weep for the lack of Winona Rider in our lives.
Will Santa Appear?: On a sweater.
Will True Love Be Found?: Four times over.
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: Is Jo a lesbian?
Jesus Quotient: 0
Love at the Christmas Table
Watch It: Saturday, December 1, at 10 PM
Description: A man and a woman have been spending every Christmas at the kid's table for their entire lives. One year he decides they are destined to be together. Aww. Also, weird.
Nostalgic Stars: Danica McKeller (Winnie Cooper!), Lea Thompson
Likelihood You'll Cry: Only from creepiness.
Will Santa Appear?: The guy will have to dress as Santa to please the kids.
Will True Love Be Found?: Yes. True, creepy love.
Will There Be Mistletoe Jokes?: Yes.
Jesus Quotient: 0
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: Lifetime]
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A rule of thumb for all Boardwalk Empire characters: don’t make plans. Anytime someone announces the pursuit of any sort of aspiration, he’s bound to wind up six feet under by the end of the very same episode. Meeting this fate on the latest episode of the series is Owen Slater — a character so debonair and likable, albeit shifty and amoral, that it’s almost a miracle he’s lasted this long on the show. When we last left Owen, he and the enamored Margaret were vowing to flee away together, escaping the life that Nucky has built for them. Right up until he shows up in the Thompsons’ doorway, dead inside a box (courtesy of Joe Masseria), Owen was asserting himself dedicated to that very plan… although who can tell if this guy is ever actually speaking the truth?
Let’s backtrack. Nucky rallies his inner circle (Owen, Eli, and Mickey) to pull the trigger on the antagonistic Masseria, rally the help of Johnny Torrio, and set up shop in Pennsylvania to start work on their own distillery, respectively. We don’t see how Eli’s and Mickey’s missions play out, but we do see what the cruel fates have in store for Owen. Masseria is tipped off to his approach by an especially traitorous pair of entrepreneurs: Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky, who, in hopes of striking a deal with Masseria to fund a heroin operation, give up info about their “pal” Nucky’s plans to do away with the Mafia boss.
So, Masseria beats Owen to the punch… and all this after Nucky’s right-hand man has just learned that he’s going to be a father: Margaret is pregnant with his child. And given her mass hysterics upon glance of Owen’s dead body, Nucky is likely onto the fact that there was something going on between the two… although, really, did he think their marriage was going just fine before this?
Business as usual for Bobby Cannavale’s mad hatter. Something goes wrong in his operation (a dozen or two bottles go overboard and wash up on the Atlantic City shores during delivery), someone speaks out of turn when trying to be helpful, and he goes into a blinding, homicidal rage. It’s not shocking anymore, Boardwalk. Watching Rosetti is just like living next door to a crying baby — always the same nonsensical routine, and we just want to tell him to shut up and get over it already.
But on the opposite side of the spectrum is Richard, who, although living in a proverbial soap opera at this point, is always invigorating. Richard’s girlfriend Julie encourages him subtly to take the rearing of young Tommy into his own hands, and then invites him back to her place… where her belligerent father insults them both, earning Richard’s violent (but controlled) wrath. If and when Richard is going to institute a move of his own, with Julie and Tommy along for the ride, is uncertain. But hopefully any plans our favorite World War I veteran makes won’t leave him in a box on somebody’s doorstep. We’d miss you most of all, Richard.
Speaking of plans gone awry, hardly any time at all has passed since Van Alden has gotten himself into the bootlegging business before trouble heads his way. Thinking he’s made a faithful customer in a Norwegian barkeep, Van Alden is ratted out to the Johnny Torrio union and manhandled all the way to a meeting with an unhappy Al Capone, who, this season, is quickly rising to the prominence that history has pinned to his lapel.
And finally, poor Jess Smith. Innocent, good-natured, potentially brain damaged Jess Smith, who takes himself out of the picture after finding out that Harry Daugherty, his own childhood friend and closest confidant, was willing to have him killed as not to prompt any more trouble professionally. Little does he know, Daughtery is next… at least as far as Nucky’s schematics would read.
It seems like everyone close to Mr. Thompson finds him or herself on the wrong side of this war. This season alone, Nucky has lost his business associate (Manny Horvitz), his girlfriend (Billie), and now his right-hand man. Who could be next — Eli? Margaret? Please not Eddie.
[Photo Credit: HBO]
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