Controlling emotions is the
first step in negotiations. Don't let people push your hot buttons in negotiations. Get
what you want by negotiating. Just remember that an important part of negotiation
is being able to maintain control of your emotions. Fear, anger, threats are emotional
parts of negotiating. Negotiate by not allowing people to push your hot buttons. Anyone
who has ever successfully negotiated a compromise has probably controlled emotions.

Negotiations

Negotiations are part of all
relationships. Friends, family, spouses, lovers, co-workers all negotiate and compromise.

Controlling Your
Emotions

Arelationship is a series of compromises. These compromises
may be proceeded by fear or anger, and even by threats. Marriage and family life are no
exception.

Fear and anger are emotions. Threats may or may not be preceded by emotions.
Often they are.

Emotions may sometimes get you what you want in your relationship. Often they
do not.

Probably the best way to get what you want from your spouse or family is by
compromise and negotiation. An important part of negotiation, however, is being able
to maintain control of your emotions.

Negotiations and compromises are part of any
relationship. Negotiate without emotion for best results.

An essential part of negotiating is controlling your
emotions. Don't let people push your hot buttons.

You might think that you need to control the behavior of your spouse or family
member. Most people do believe they need to control the behavior of the family member with
whom they are negotiating.

So, contrary to what you may believe, the
behavior you need to control is your own.

This means you can not let your negotiating partner(s) push your buttons.
That first requires knowing what your hot buttons are.

Then you need to be able to identify the tactics your partner can use to push
your buttons and make you lose emotional control.

Normally you will find people use one of four ways to push your buttons:

1. Attacking you or yours .

2. Intimidating you by insults, harassment, or playing the part of a bully.

3. Refusal to budge. You feel like you have hit a brick wall here.

<170>4. Deceiving you in some manner so that you give in. Deception can take
the form of::

Lies

Manipulation, possibly by acting as if you have reached agreement, then
adding on a demand.

If you can recognize the tactic your spouse or family member is using to push
your hot buttons, you can avoid reacting by just shrugging off this tactic.

How do you shrug is off?

If someone is pushing a <169>hot button,<170> you need to remove yourself, mentally
or physically, and regroup. It doesn't do any good to respond when you are angry or
frustrated.

Instead, pause. Take a break and go back over what has been said.

If your partner is not agreeable to a break, excuse yourself to the
bathroom. Stay long enough to go over your options and cool down.

While you are cooling down, your partner is also cooling down.

To get what you want, don't become emotional and don't be pressured into making
quick decisions.

Quick or emotional decisions are often mistakes. Don't decide in haste.
Whenever possible take time to sleep on your decisions.

Note: The opinions
expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily
reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of
advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.