Tuesday, June 5, 2012

God Fucking Dammit

So, here's the deal, guys: our world is about to change in a small way that, despite its smallness, is going to cause our asses to chap and our huge cocks to become less huge and will introduce a small, dense nugget of sadness into the internet-hearts of our internet-selves. PowWow is going to take our beautiful garden and turn it into an asphalt parking lot. Or not. But anyway, the change is going to be difficult. Change fucking always is.

I'm bringing back the fucking Roundups, God help me.

On the internet, this goddamn hell-hole of a time-and-energy-pit blog is nothing. Not even a grain of sand. Not even a small part of the subatomic makeup of a grain of sand. Even in the rough orbit of Gawker, even in the rough orbit of Deadspin, this place is a janitor's closet and nothing more. It rode the wave of Deadspin repopulation after the redesign and that's it. Was it fun? Sure. Fun, and that's it.

But, in a funny way, this sonofabitch fucking fucking fucking blog, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed But In All Other Ways Useless and Unremarkable Reindeer, may finally have a purpose in the world, and that purpose might just be to encourage a handful of insanely talented commenters to keep bringing the funny, every goddamn day, to the same godforsaken place. This should not be important to me or anyone else, but for whatever reason, it sort of is. God help me, I don't want Deadspin to turn into Gawker.

So, what. These Roundups won't give a shit about smart-but-not-funny comments. These Roundups will be exactly what the earlier ones were, which is a collection of the best and funniest jokes from a given day of Deadspin commentary. Yes, there will be duds. In the end, it's the fucking duds that make me crazy, that suck the energy out of me and virtually double the amount of time it takes to produce one of these things. And since there will no longer be any such thing as a pink commenter, there will be a fucking ton of duds every day. And, what's more, since the PowWow format makes scrolling through all the comments in a post a total pain in the ass, culling the duds is going to be ten times more frustrating.

So, yes, there will be duds. But there probably won't be many (I say that now as if I have any self-control whatsoever. It's a fucking joke. I am doomed.).

I'm going to start the Roundups as soon as possible and continue them as often as possible for as long as possible. They won't go on forever. I mean to shutter this fucking blog at some point in my life - I make no money from this thing and maintaining it is a huge, huge commitment. You can't imagine. For reference, IronMikeGallego bailed on his blog after a nice long run, and homeboy was just posting a single paragraph and a YouTube video every day.

Stick with it, guys. Seriously. Make fucking jokes. If PowWow frustrates you, if you can't find the best and funniest jokes, if the process makes you crazy, come on down to Mad Bastards All - I'll have a tidy little list of everything you missed, plus a little unqualified analysis. And if someone wants to, I don't know, mail me a fucking dollar or something . . . well, I'd sure appreciate it.

How about changing from the black background that nearly blinds us when we read this?

Actually, how are you going to find the good comments in that labyrinth of hell that is that commenting system? I know, it shouldn't be hard since there won't be any of the funny people around for a while.

I apologize, but I may not be in the right place. Earlier today I made a comment on a Gawker post, and I'm searching the internet high and low looking for it. Could any of you gentlemen point me to where my comment may be?

Even if you, specifically, aren't doing that, Carl certainly is. I don't see why your opinion should be given any more validity than mine.

But, regardless, "I don't like the joke" is not a very good criticism of a comic. No one person should be allowed authority over which jokes end up being posted simply based on whether or not they "like it".