Pope Francis is the most well-liked and respected pope from the last two popes, which is a low bar to be sure, but it’s still worth noting. The pope goes against many of the more traditional Catholic teachings, saying that gays and atheists and even black people can all go to Heaven if they are good people. Many conservative Christians don’t like this, but if there’s one thing Catholics can’t resist, it’s magical properties of everyday items. So, when there was a glass of water that Pope Francis had drank from, one Christian congressman swiped it, drank from it, then allowed some other people to dip their fingers in it before bottling the rest of the water to bring home to the kids. Perhaps he thought this was the ending of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and drinking Pope Francis’ water would heal his wounds and give him immortality. He’s going to be sadly disappointed when prostate cancer comes knocking.

Brooklyn is becoming a highly gentrified area with plenty of Starbucks and Chipotle restaurants. However, no one seems to appreciate the early white settlers that staked their claim in the area before it was cool to do so, thus paving the way for corporations to take our money trough moderately higher quality fast food. One young man, after getting accidentally bumped by a woman’s stroller on the street, launches into a tirade reminding all the entitled white people that they should check their privilege, because the only reason they are there is because this brave white settler chose to live in Brooklyn before it was cool. He presents some very reasonable arguments and ultimately wins over the respect of everyone nearby in a heartwarming moment where we learn that hating white people isn’t exclusive to minorities- white people are some of the best white-haters around.

When Ben is feeling down about all the failed areas of his life, he likes to go watch cringe videos of people even worse than he is. So, that’s what we do. One guy in particular, with a video called Happy Birthday Katie, exclaims his true feelings for his friend in a cringey douchey video that we make fun of without mercy. We all have a good laugh about it, until we learn that it actually worked and the guy is with the girl now. Ben then goes back to the noose-tying academy.

Some dude running a rudimentary attempt at a vigilante video network under the name johntv.com spends his days watching prostitutes propositioning men, then follows them to the spot where they’re going to get blown, and then runs up with a camera and say “busted!” and shows the license plate and the John’s face. After shoving his fake morality in everyone’s face, ruining some lives and feeling good about himself, he leaves, accomplishing nothing other than his own smug ego-stroking. Ben and Josh argue the merits of this guy’s vigilantism and whether he should be praised or chastised. Their opinions may surprise you! Or maybe they won’t, I don’t know, who cares.

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