How do I explain to my young teen that I won’t allow her to do something that all her friends are doing?

Peer pressure is a hard thing to stand up against, especially when they want to belong and look good to their peers. Chances are though that whatever the situation is that she wants to be a part of that there are other parents in her circle of friends saying no too. Kids just don’t like to admit it too loudly. Kids are great at trying to guilt you into getting you to allow them to do whatever the current thing is. They know you want them to be liked and accepted and some kids play that to the hilt. Don’t let her do that. So call her bluff right away if you are sure it is something she is trying to manipulate you into. Tell her something like” Well let’s call so and so’s mother and see if she is allowed to.” Chances are your daughter won’t want you calling another parent and embarrassing her, but if she says go ahead then do call and talk to one or more of the other parents and get a feel for what is going in from other points of view. Their children may be trying the same thing with them and they might welcome reinforcements to help them say no too. Either way you may meet another parent going through similar things. With the older kids who have come to me questioning why their parents don’t let them do certain things and other parents do I explain to them that each family has to have their own rules and regulations to live by to make things run smoothly. The same rules don’t work in every situation or for every family. There may different be cultural, religious or moral beliefs from family to family. Whatever the rules are you may be able to talk about them with your parents but don’t disrespect their wishes. Maybe you can get them to bend the rules for a given situation but you have to earn that privilege by showing them how responsible you are in spite of peer pressure. They are there to protect and guide you and what they do they do out of love and a feeling they know what is the best course for you as their child to follow. Be the parent, not the friend, but be willing to listen and explain. She is trying to grow up and understand. The best place to learn is from you, not the other kids. Mama Nono

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