Category Archives: Words to live by

My Bestie lost her FIL today, her children a grandfather, her husband a dad and it sucks! I’ve been where you are and I have no words to make it better but know I am here anytime for anything. There is nothing else to say, it just sucks.

RIP Richard ♥

In honor of National Breastfeeding Month we our featuring a new item available in our Etsy shop. Nip (Nursing in Public) cards can be added to your order for $1.00 per set of 10 cards. These handy little trinkets are to be given to another mother that is nursing her child somewhere in public as a token of your appreciation for what she is doing to make nursing your baby commonplace. Breastfeeding your child is not some gross vulgar act that should be done shamefully hiding in the deepest darkest corner of the room. It should be the norm done whenever and wherever your baby needs it. Show your appreciation, acceptance and understanding to other moms making breastfeeding in public the new norm and share a nip.

♥As an added bonus and because we love the message it sends for the month of August we will be including 10 cards free with every purchase!

Don’t wait for your life to start!!! The hard shit has taught me more than the easy road ever could. I have struggled, fought and sacrificed to become who I am and I love her. Life’s lessons didn’t come easy and most days were not beautiful but there is something beautiful in every day. We don’t get a promise that tomorrow will come and everything will be okay. That is not the way life works and if yours does then I would like to join your fairytale! My dad knew his tomorrow’s were limited and for that reason he lived more each day then most do their whole life.

He did what he wanted, he stuck up for himself, he didn’t care what people thought and didn’t have time for those who did, he didn’t sugar coat the bullshit, he didn’t take crap from anyone, he didn’t get caught up in other people’s drama, he didn’t expect tomorrow, he did do what’s right, treat people like he wanted to be treated, helped those less fortunate, appreciated what he had, saw everyone as equal, and never pined for things others had.

He was unique in that way. I have never in my life met anyone else who could purely be happy from other’s good fortune. He genuinely got excited for other peoples good news. I see pictures of friend’s vacations on Facebook and get jealous I haven’t been there or hear my cousin landed a dream job and feel that twinge of envy. These emotions didn’t exist in his body. Maybe he was so encompassed by other feelings like those of pain, exhaustion or illness he didn’t have room for feelings of jealousy. Or perhaps he realized what all of us need to, you have your own life and it’s perfect for you. It seems like it’s our nature to always want more when simply we have enough.

“You can’t take it with you” was my dad’s favorite saying. Make memories not money because the thing everyone wants the most is something none of us can buy, time. When it is your time that’s it and in that moment you are not going to regret not having a bigger house you’re going to regret having a bigger house and not spending any time in it.

My dad taught me many lessons but this may be the most important pick people over things. He truly enjoyed people. He saw no difference in the homeless man begging for change outside the store or the Wall Street executive running to a meeting. Everyone is someone, a person, we are all just people. Every one of us has a story, a purpose. Lived a life, some better than yours some worse. Never judge it is not your place, you are not God. Don’t long for what they have because you don’t know the cost. “If problems were apples on a tree you would pick your own” is a saying that has stuck with me from my great-grandma. Maybe that vacation to the Bahamas I envied on FB threw my friend into debt and now they were not approved for a house or that job my cousin took cost her her relationship with the perfect guy. You don’t know others sacrifices because you have not walked in their shoes so be happy for them, stop wanting what they have and let the bitterness and desire go. You are not them they are not you, you are you and there is only one! Claim it love it live it.

Now learning the lesson that wanting doesn’t do anyone any good and doing something about it are two different stories. There are days I still feel that ping of desire to be the one sharing the good news instead of my friend but I simply think it’s not my life, not in my cards, not my fate and my life is pretty great. I can be happy with what I have because I worked damn hard to have it. I may not ever be able to put the green-eyed monster to bed for good like my father but when it rears its ugly head I ask myself would you trade all the good things in their life for all the good things in yours? The answer is always NO! So knock it off and love wha’cha got because tomorrow it may all be gone.

Shonda Rhimes gave an amazing commencement speech at Dartmouth, the typed version can be found here, or you can find the videos on YouTube….anyway, in the speech she talks about people asking her how she does it all and her honest answer to the graduates was that she doesn’t. If she’s rocking the work life, she’s missing the home life and vice versa. ObvIously I’m not some awesome and well known person like she is, but I definitely feel what she said resonates with me…and probably with most parents.
I’m in a professional position that has me working well over forty hours per week and also requires me to be on-call essentially 24/7. I miss a lot and absolutely hate that. When the kids ask why I have to work so much or ask why I can’t just take the day off, my heart breaks. “But mom, you’re the boss,” my daughter will say as she frowns and gives me puppy-dog eyes always. I pretty much always have the same reply, “yes, honey, I am…and that is exactly why I can’t take the day off.”
Missing things is taking on new meaning now that we have a baby again. When Zakariah, Dominic, and Ryann were babies, we were fortunate enough to have a schedule worked out so it didn’t require daycare and allowed me to be with them a lot. I didn’t feel like I missed out on too much. I can’t quite do that anymore and I think as Kenley grows this is going to really eat at me. I am grateful to be in a position that allows me some control if I need to rearrange coverage so I can get to an appointment, concert, etc. but it doesn’t mean it’s guaranteed.
Broken hearts aside, I worked to get where I am. It was never what I thought I would be doing but it’s where I landed and it has definitely grown on me over the years. As much as I want to stay home with my kids and enjoy every minute of their lives, I think I would also feel a bit of a void if I gave it all up.
Shanda also brought up a great point when she said she’s teaching her kids about work. That women work…that women can hold powerful positions. I truly feel my kids learn valuable lessons from seeing both parents work (and this really applies to men and women, just happens that her viewpoint comes from being a single mother). My kids have learned that when someone calls in sick it can really impact someone else. While it has been a painful lesson at times, I hope that sticks with them when they enter the working world. They also have a great sense of pride about their parents jobs…getting to come to mom or dad’s work is a treat they frequently request. I suppose they might not feel quite the same as they get older, but we will cherish that for now.
Mixed emotions are a frequent thing on parenting…..heck, in all adult life! There will always be times where you’re going to feel like you can’t do it and someone else does it so much better. But as you’re thinking that, remember that while they may be doing that one thing better, (as Shanda so eloquently put it) they’re inevitably failing at something else.

Nobody is perfect and we are all just doing the best we can. Live in the moment, do what you can and enjoy every minute wherever you are, be it the joys of home to the joys of your career.

*apologies for how disjointed this post may have become…my minds kind of a jumbled mess these days and I’m just getting the hang of this blogging thing 😉