Drunkest Guy at Party Nominated to Crunchwrap Supreme Court

SYRACUSE, N.Y. — After longtime Chief Justice Brad Stanley passed out early at Dave’s party last Friday night, Dave nominated drunkest guy present George Brodski to replace Stanley on the Crunchwrap Supreme Court.

“I am truly humbled and honored,” stammered a hardly intelligible Brodski as the gathering’s top judges piled into the car. “I’m also hungry as fuck.”

Party host Dave nominated Brodski after much deliberation with key advisors. Driver Maurice Billings recommended he nominate someone not so intoxicated and less likely to vomit in his car, while crew stoner Pat O’Keefe said he was willing to endorse “anyone who had weed.” Ultimately, Dave went with a compromise choice.

“I figured he would probably fall asleep before we got there and we could just put the whole order on his card,” said Dave. “I also had shotgun, so if he puked it would have been on O’Keefe.”

The nomination was not without controversy. Justice Steve Brown has been a long time hamburger advocate and tried to push for legislation which would have allowed the crew to go to McDonald’s or Wendy’s instead. When put to a vote, however, the Court ruled 4-1 in favor of Taco Bell.

“This Court becomes more and more biased every party,” said Brown. “Before you know it, we’ll be going to Taco Bell for brunch.”

At press time, the Justices had become aware that it was nearly breakfast time and went to Denny’s instead.