Category: Humor

Two Hollywood actresses have come out this week to explain why they will not permit their daughters to watch a number of classic Disney animated films. Kristen Bell correctly pointed out that Snow White is kissed non-consensually by a necrophilic prince who sexually assaults a corpse. Keira Knightly took issue with “Cinderella” and “The Little Mermaid,” complaining that both stories reinforce the sexist “damsel in distress” theme.

I applaud both women for protecting their children from this highly-objectionable material. I only fear that our conversation about problematic cartoons has not gone far enough. There are several other Disney films that should be thrown on the ash heap of history alongside the ones mentioned by Bell and Knightly. Indeed, I would argue that it is actual child abuse to let your son or daughter watch…

While several Democrats have simply questioned Kavanagh’s prior political opinions, a growing contingent within the Party is demanding that the nominee submit to a DNA test in order to prove that he’s not literally Adolf Hitler.

“History books claim that Hitler committed suicide by ingesting cyanide and then shooting himself in the head, but we don’t know anything for sure,” said Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ). “Wouldn’t it be just like this president to choose Hitler to serve on the Supreme Court?”

As the hearings started up Tuesday morning, Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) claimed that Kavanaugh’s judicial decisions “put him on the same level as Hitler.” He added: “How can we know he’s not der Führer until we have DNA proof?” He then grilled Kavanaugh: “Are you now or have you ever been ADOLF HITLER HIMSELF, GOOD SIR???”

Trump’s a bad person for trying to bully North Korea and start World War 3 but he’s a worse person because he met with Kim Jong-un and talked to him.

On Monday evening, President Trump met with North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un, the tyrannical overlord of a slave state with 25 million prisoners and a gulag system containing hundreds of thousands of human beings, a radical threat to world peace who has tested nuclear weapons and long-range missiles. Trump gave Kim the thumbs up; the American flag, the symbol of freedom in the world, was placed alongside the flag of North Korea, the closest thing to the Nazi swastika in the world today. Then President Trump praised Kim fulsomely, using verbiage to describe him that he would never use about our G-7 allies.

WORLD—North Korean President Kim Jong Un came under intense scrutiny this week after meeting with a barbaric nation that has killed over 60 million of its young since legalizing abortion in 1973.

Political commentators agreed that by meeting with the nation of savages that abort hundreds of thousands of their young each and every year, Kim Jong Un appeared to be legitimizing the backwards, depraved nation of America.

“Just picture Kim Jong Un up there shaking hands with Hitler,” one pundit said. “That’s basically what this amounts to, when you consider that he’s meeting with a country that has killed over 60 million babies since Roe v. Wade. I’m just not sure this kind of a meeting represents good optics for the North Koreans.”

The sad truth is that Trump owes his victory to a very dark turn in American conservatism. Unlike right wing ideologues of old, who at least tried to portray themselves as stabilizing and constructive, the right in the era of Trump is a movement of annihilation. They are bigoted, sexist, and mean, and often don’t even try to dress these destructive impulses up in the garb of tra­dition or religion.

They delight in cruelty for its own sake. Building something positive has no real value in this new right wing. Pissing off per­ceived enemies, such as feminists and liberals, is the only real political goal worth fighting for.

They are, in other words, a nation of trolls.

***

Trump’s election had the strangest of bellwethers: the world of video games.

It’s hard to believe it now, but in 2014, a storm of controversy raged for months in the online world of video gamers and became the template for what has been deemed “Trumpism.” Before there was Trump, there was “Gamergate,” where the smaller but equally American community of video game players was torn apart as the same bitter white guys (and their sad suck-up female supporters) lost their minds because some women had opinions about video games.

To most people who witnessed it at the time, Gamergate seemed like one of those incomprehensible internet wars that fades as quickly as it erupts, but in retrospect, it was an alarming portend of the rise of Trump, the alt-right and an America that now has torch-wielding white supremacists starting street fights in the name of fascism. It foretold a country where the American right has devolved into a nihilistic movement, prepared to tear down the country rather than share it fairly with women, LGBT people and people of color.

Like many historical calamities, Gamergate began because a young man did not accept it when a woman told him no.

What it all boils down to, folks, is that Eron Gjoni, a young man who was attracted to such feminine traits as colorful hair and an interest in social justice, destroyed America. He did so by complaining about his girlfriend cheating on him. Gjoni must be some kind of Bond villain to pull that one off.

The article is of course a bunch of hysterical gibbering about the evils of Trump, Gamergate, and machinations of the nefarious Milo. Unfortunately, the author failed to do their due diligence and actually identify the true villain, the real monster who created Gamergate and thus created Trump and all the terror he has brought on America:

LONDON—In response to a recent outbreak in fistfights, London mayor Sadiq Khan announced Monday a sweeping ban of hands in the city, effective immediately.

“No excuses: there is never a reason to have hands in a modern, civil society. Anyone who does will be caught, and they will feel the full force of the law,” Khan said at a press conference announcing the new policy during which he revealed that he has had his own hands surgically removed as a good-faith move to jump-start the new regulations.

Along with the new hand-control measures, Khan announced a new task force focused on purging the city of hands, as well as an expanded police presence focused on stopping and searching citizens who they think may have failed to have their hands removed from their person.

At publishing time, rumors were swirling that the mayor was planning on banning feet after two handless men got into a quarrel and began kicking each other.

Things may be heating up for Fauxcahontas. The very identity politics she has been promoting and profiting from may turn around to bite her. These liberal whites apparently are so dumb or arrogant as to think they will somehow be given exception from the rules they are laying down and that their “pets” will never bite the hand that feeds them. But when you’ve given them everything they need and they no longer need you? Yeah, you just might be next in-line for sacrifice. And I doubt there will be any roll reversal in this story where some John Smith type appears to save you.

Isn’t it delicious that Fauxcahontas, aka Sen. Elizabeth Warren — the liberal Massachusetts Democrat toying with a 2020 presidential run — is refusing to take a DNA test to finally prove whether her self-serving claims of Cherokee heritage are true?

Actually, watching Warren squirm and Chuck Todd all but flagellate himself for having to ask about the DNA test on “Meet the Press” was more than delicious.

It was tasty, kind of like a French omelet with crab meat at a fancy restaurant frequented by the Duke and Duchess of Windsor.

“I know who I am, and never used it for anything. Never got any benefit from it anywhere,” Warren said, protesting too much.

Oh, no, of course not.

She just claimed Native American status while teaching law at Harvard, and Harvard flaunted it as proof of faculty diversity. It’s all about checking the right racial boxes.

And until she takes that DNA test — or releases the findings to show that she is indeed part Cherokee — it will dog her, like some rogue beast of liberal Democratic identity politics, trotting behind her wherever she goes.

The liberal Democratic Media Complex does not love this story. But Warren’s DNA drama gets to the heart of the thing.

Democrats are thoroughly dominated by the hard left now, and except for bizarre socialist economics drawn from “The Big Rock Candy Mountain,” they’re all about identity politics all the time.

The Democratic Party is hip-deep in the politics of race and gender, and uses these as tools to carve and parcel out power, resources and benefits, relying on skin pigments and chromosomes (or the lack thereof), grievance and victimhood.

Identity politics has been the left’s recipe for years, and watching Warren squirm was just the thing to whet the appetite. Not like a Bobby Flay burger exactly, or a Dutch oven full of Gordon Ramsay’s epic spicy lamb shanks, or Jacques Pepin’s Oeufs En Cocotte.

Rather it was something like “Cold Omelets with Crab Meat,” an alleged down-home, authentic Cherokee recipe submitted by Warren for a book weirdly titled “Pow Wow Chow” just a few years ago.

Yes, there is such a book, still available on Amazon. And no, you can’t make this stuff up.

It turns out that Cold Omelets with Crab Meat, Warren’s “Pow Wow Chow” Native American recipe, might not actually have been all that big along the infamous Cherokee Trail of Tears. It was, however, a favorite treat of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor and of Cole Porter at Le Pavillon restaurant in New York decades ago.

And it was most likely lifted — you might say she Joe Bidened it — from a 1979 New York Times piece by Chef Pierre Franey.

“…to make matters worse,” wrote Politifact in 2017, “some of the (Warren) recipes appear to have been copied from The New York Times wire service.”

The Boston Herald’s Howie Carr wrote he found three pilfered Warren recipes in the Native American cookbook.

“They ought to change the name of the next edition of ‘Pow Wow Chow’ to ‘Pow Wow Ciao,’ and Granny Warren can write a farewell address to any moonbats left who believe anything she says,” wrote Carr.

Ouch.

On NBC the other day, Todd didn’t dare go there. Instead, he cited an editorial by the Berkshire Eagle, a paper that endorsed her campaign for Senate in 2012, asking her to take the DNA test.

“So we call upon our senior senator to screw up her courage and take the spit test,” the Eagle said in an editorial. “If she already has but is keeping the results under wraps, we urge her to be forthcoming with them. She has nothing to lose but her Achilles’ heel.”

DNA racial preference tests will become law sooner or later when the left — having already seized the culture — finally macerates the Constitution.

If Warren’s party has its way, the melding of big government and big business will ultimately bring us chips in our necks for workplace efficiency, and DNA tests to determine government benefits, and IQ tests in utero to determine if we’ll be allowed to live.

Even before then, we’ll have driverless cars to keep us safe.

Me? I’d rather take a Mach I Mustang and head on down the highway.

What’s embarrassing is that President Donald Trump insists on calling her “Pocahontas.” But Pocahontas was not a liberal Democrat who pilfered French crab omelet recipes. She was the daughter of a chief near the Jamestown colony in the 1600s. Legend says she saved the life of Capt. John Smith, one of those Christian fundamentalists with guns.

Elizabeth Warren would never, ever do that.

So best we call her Fauxcahontas, in honor of her French omelet recipes.

Texan Danny Villarreal proudly thought himself to be of Hispanic blood. But a DNA test showed otherwise. “Danny Villarreal is (genetically, at least) an Ashkenazi Jew,” they wrote. Professor Henry Louis Gates discovered that he was not Yoruba as he hoped, but that a “number of exact matches turned up, leading straight back to that African Kingdom called Northern Europe.”

The paper also cited California High School principal Wayne Joseph, who thought he was black, until a DNA test ruled otherwise. Before the test, he said, “I was unequivocally black. Now I’m a metaphor for America.”