I feel as if I’m going to lose my ­marriage. My husband and I are both 61 and have been together for 17 years, although we’ve only been married for four.

I have a son from a previous ­relationship and my husband has three kids from his first marriage.

We used to get along until ­recently. Now my stepson and his wife refuse to have any contact with my ­stepdaughter and I’ve fallen out with her, too.

She’s 40 and has never worked a day in her life, constantly asks for money and has always had to be the centre of attention. In my husband’s eyes she can do no wrong, though.

The real problems started when she got together with a married friend of ours, who’s 52. I reminded them we knew his wife and kids, but somehow I’ve ended up looking like I’m in the wrong because they’ve managed to talk my ­husband round.

They spent two years sending him texts, offering him work (he ­retired so we could do things together) and telling him when they’ll be at our local so he can see them.

My stepdaughter told me she’ll see her dad when she feels like it.

The way she’s spoken to me is so ­hurtful. I’ve discussed it with my husband and he doesn’t know what to do.

I stay in when he goes to meet them, which is once every couple of weeks. It’s like she’s slowly driving a wedge between us What can I do? Please don’t tell me to make peace with her.

Coleen says..

Firstly, she’s 40 years old and I’m afraid you have to let her live her life and make her own mistakes. As for the guy she’s seeing, his marriage isn’t your responsibility and you’ve made your feelings clear. You can’t control that situation, so you have to draw a line under it and stay out of it.

Your husband is finding it hard to cut the apron strings and she knows how to wrap him around her little finger. You can’t stop them seeing each other, but you can insist he stops giving her money. As for her driving a wedge in your marriage – don’t let her! You can control your relationship, so start taking charge.

If your husband sees his daughter once a fortnight, make sure the rest of the time you’re spending it with each other.

You’re allowing your stepdaughter to affect your life and marriage by giving her way more importance than she deserves.

You’re making her the centre of attention – stop thinking about her, stop talking about her and get on with your own life.