April 27, 2017

It’s not the answers you get from others, but the questions you ask yourself that will help you grow stronger. In fact, the simple questions you ask yourself on a daily basis will determine the type of person you become in the long run.

And that’s precisely why I wrote this short piece – to help you embark on a positive journey of self-inquiry.

Keep in mind that these questions have no right or wrong answers… Because simply asking the right questions IS the answer.

1. If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?

Remember, the way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must respect who you are or no one else will. So treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. Stop discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t, and start giving yourself credit for everything you ARE. We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.

Honestly, the amount of abuse you tolerate in your relationships is often equal to the amount of abuse you heap on yourself. If you are used to telling yourself that you’re unattractive, that you are destined to fail, and that you’re not capable of performing in the world without someone holding your hand, then you will accept and feel most comfortable in relationships with people who reinforce these same negative beliefs.

Because that’s what careless words do – they clutter your mind and make you love yourself and life a little less.

So when you’re hanging out by yourself, watch how you talk to yourself. Watch your thoughts. Keep in mind that it is only ever our own thoughts that hurt us. It’s how we choose to think about it all. You know this is true. You think 60,000 thoughts a day. Don’t waste 59,999 of them on limited, negative thinking.

In fact, review your self-talk right now. How well have you chosen the words you’ve used to talk to yourself today? Have you put them to positive or negative use? If I eavesdropped on your self-talk a minute ago, would I have heard statements that empower happiness, or statements that refute it?

The bottom line is that your relationship with yourself is the closest and most important relationship you will ever, ever have. So let me ask you this: When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters? When was the last time someone told you that you did a great job, or took you someplace special to celebrate one of your small, everyday victories, simply because they know you deserve it? When was the last time that “someone” was YOU?2. If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?

Think long and hard. And when your answer is NO for too many days in a row, you know it’s time for a change.

And this is an interesting conversation, because we are all aware deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to each of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step. You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to reality and how the world really is.

So LIVE your life TODAY! Don’t ignore death, but don’t be afraid of it either. Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take positive action. Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive. Be bold. Be courageous.