22.5.11

It's Search Engine Fun Time!

I truly love looking at the search words people use that leads them to my blog. It's terrifying, surreal, erotic and humorous. I'll break them down into categories.

Erotic: The one that gets me the most traffic is "Larry the Cable Guy. You may not find him sexy, but there are a lot of people who do. I just find it amusing that they end up here. Next is the five billion variations on "pony girl." There's "human pony girl," "pony girl," "sexy human pony," "dirty sexy girls on girls as human horse," "driving a human pony," "girl pony sex," "girl with human pony," "girls playing games in sex like human horse," "horsetails inserted into asses of ponygirls movies," "human pony girl start up kit," "human pony sex tail inserted in ass," "jewish ponygirl," "man riding sex pony girl," "nude women who are harnessed to pull carts as pony girls," "ponny [sic] girl teens," "pony zoo sex," "prone movie of girls use as human pony" (I have no idea what that is), "story ponygirl breeding," and so on. That's not even the complete list of the pony girl ones. The erotic list continues.

"Teenacher Biem Sex" sounds like a cross between a Jewish self-help book for teens and an Asian dish. I'm not sure what it is. Someone also finds "tap out girl sexy." I'm sure that was a narrow search. Someone was also looking for the "most sexual point of human girl." I hope he found it and wasn't misled to a site offering the most sexual point of an alien girl. You don't want to get those two points confused. Someone also actually typed into Google "man seen in bush masturbating." Why? Were they thinking, "Did anyone else see that today?" Another one was "girl using penis as lipstick in mouth." Lipstick is used on the lips, not in the mouth. (I imagine this guy -- only a guy would type something in so stupid -- engaging in some lovin' with his lady. "Here, babe, let me paint your teeth and tongue with my lipstick penis." Dolt.) Enough of the erotic.

Terrifying: These searchs, if thought about too closely, bring chills to one's spine. "Children trained to be ponygirls," "human sex with teenager girls," "project looking glass entrapment," "sex shot with teenager girl," and "when the knife hits the bone." People are sick.

Surreal: I can only imagine what is going on in someone's head when they are searching for the following: "wierd [sic] manson in Eureka, Ca," "twist-in bolt penis," "make money with amateur porn," "daniel wu masturbate," and "8tracks growl fluid." The last one is a great name for a band.

Humorous: "Jesus fun." I'd love to see the face of the person that went here looking for that. ("What the? This ain't Jesus, and it ain't fun!") "Male pervert wanking in car video." (I picture that searcher being very upset by the idea, but also being really, really curious. "I watched it eight times! It's horrible! He's just pulling on it and pulling on it. Anyone can walk by!") "Old man depressed." (That actually seems like the most obvious reason to end up here.) "Pictures of Larry the Cable Guys baby." (Do you want to see if it has a hat on?) "Steal PG&E." (I second that.) "The rapture joke." (Kind of redundant if you ask me.)

If you run a blog or a site, you have to check out what drives people to you. It is as fascinating as it is a little scary.