On My Mind: Your story is history

Writing your life story can be great for posterity

Do you remember the television show, "This is Your Life"? Special events in the life of the person being honored were highlighted by surprise appearances of the people important to the event — teachers, coaches, long-lost friends, distant relatives, etc.

What a thrill it must have been for those on stage to have their finest hours put on display for all to see. It might have been their only "15 minutes of fame," but think about what it will mean to countless descendants who will have a permanent record of how one of their ancestors lived and some things they accomplished. We should all be so lucky as to have our lives, however uninspiring, recorded for posterity.

Actually, we don't need luck or a TV show. If we can read and write reasonably well, we can do it ourselves. A "life story" manuscript may not have the appeal of a video, but it will have the same benefit to our descendants.

Our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews — who regularly ignore most of the advice we give them — may be more receptive to posthumous words of wisdom they read in a personalized written account of our lives. Be sure to leave behind several copies with your closest relatives, because most of the young people will not read it until they are old enough to realize you may have been rational.

Last year, at age 71, I wrote "My Life Story." From start to finish, I completed the 125-page, single-spaced manuscript in less than a month. Writing comes easier for me than for some people because frequent writing was a hallmark of my business and academic careers. However, I believe just about anyone is capable of writing their life story. After all, it's not as though you have to invent a plot!

I was motivated to write my autobiography by a very wise man, a retired minister who spoke to my Kiwanis Club about writing life stories. He also teaches a short course on the subject at Anderson University. I wrote my manuscript, then took his class. I know that's the wrong order, but I was so inspired by this man that I started writing immediately after I heard him speak at Kiwanis. Later, I took the course to see if I did it right — but if you know me personally, you know that I would never admit to doing it wrong.

Actually, there is no "right" way to write your life story, so it's impossible to do it wrong. If you like the finished product, that's all that counts. My mentor tells me that he is not sure when or if he will teach the course again but I imagine he will consider it, if the Life Long Learning Department at AU receives enough inquiries. The cost is minimal.

Looking back, I think I was primed to write my life story and all I needed was someone to tell me why it should be done. I often had struggled with the notion that I had lots of sensible ideas about life that needed to be passed on to those I love and want to help develop. But I was afraid most of those things could not be explained adequately in the few fleeting moments when young people are willing to listen.

My mentor gave me the obvious solution: Write it down! But interweave the serious with the not-so-serious, he added. That way, people will have to read it all to figure out what you did during your lifetime, what you believe, what you like and dislike and who you really are. (He also advises a life story writer not to start the book with a lecture on why you think you're special.

It was clear to me that the only way to make the book both enjoyable and informative was not to be selective. I needed to tell it all, as it really happened, including the bad and the good, the embarrassing and the praiseworthy. I had to be truthful about whether each event was choice or chance, and if it was choice, to explain why I made that choice.

No one wants to hear about what happened to you without hearing the details, the "why," all the sidebars. Be specific and be honest, my mentor advises. In my book, I told hundreds of stories — every one of them true. While some may have been embellished a little to make the story more engaging, I made certain not to misrepresent the facts or stretch anything far enough to turn truth into falsehood.

There was another reason I was eager to write my life story: catharsis. I have had a lot of good fortune in my life but there also were some disappointments, very difficult decisions and events that are difficult to explain. I think all of us reach an age when we're willing to talk about things we might not have wanted to talk about earlier. So I decided, in my book, to come clean about some things. I decided to make my life story an inquisition as well as an accounting.

In the prologue I listed 21 questions I wanted to try and answer honestly and accurately, even though they concerned some very personal issues — some of which I had never seriously discussed with anyone.

For example: "Why did my father commit suicide?" "Was I justified in selling my mother's house without her consent?" "Why do I think free, public education is a disaster?" "Why did I forsake the corporate world for a teaching job?" "Was it my fault that my son did not receive a good education?"

I made a concerted effort to address all 21 questions honestly. And I believe I succeeded. I feel good about getting it out.

If you, too, want to write your life story in order to get some things out, one question you'll have to decide is who you want to read the manuscript. In my case, I first shared my story with a couple of my high school classmates with whom I am fairly close in spirit if not in proximity. My intended audience, though, is my children,grandchildren and unborn great grandchildren. I also want to include nieces and nephews, one of whom has already read the book. My father, his grandfather, died before he was born and he wanted to know the circumstances of the death. I am sure that my sister, his mother, never discussed it with him. My hope is that all my offspring and my sibling's offspring will get to know their heritage — and ultimately themselves — better, if they get to know me better.

I am not anxious to have my story read by people who don't know me well. Some of my social, religious and political views may be offensive to some people. I stated in my epilogue that I certainly hoped to avoid offending anyone, but I probably did not accomplish that objective. I admitted that nonjudgmental tolerance was not one of my strong points, especially tolerance of illogical reasoning and nonconforming social behavior. I expect that admission alone would be a problem for some people.

One section of the book, however, is not controversial. Before my wife and I retired, we managed to attain a comfortable level of financial security, and I wanted to give my offspring some financial advice. So I listed 10 savings and investment principles that guided me over the years. I also taught Personal Finance for many years and could not resist combining my personal financial management experience with what I learned from all those textbooks. Even if you don't want to include a financial section in your life story, don't hesitate to include your financial horror stories because young people can learn from our mistakes.

Let me conclude by returning to my reason for writing this essay. My life story and your life story, no matter what paths we traveled, how we subsisted or where we took root, is history in the making. Your adventures are unique and need to be recorded — primarily for the benefit of your offspring but also perhaps for a general audience, if you have experienced things that other people would benefit from knowing about.

Years ago I was enticed by distant relatives to start attending national Menees family reunions that are held every two years in various parts of the country. At the first one I attended, I was amazed to learn that we know absolutely every one of our ancestors since the first two McNees brothers got off the boat from Ireland in 1730. When they arrived in America, the name of one was mistakenly changed to "Menees." It's all recorded, in 29 publications and two indexes that document the lives of every one of my ancestors. My generation is number eight from the first Menees.

My first name, Elbert, is the same as my father's, but he never told me where it came from. I don't think he knew. I was able to find my namesake in the family publications, however, and was delighted to learn that he was a man who left a legacy of hard work and determination. (If he had been a horse thief, though, I would have found some way to make that sound remarkable!) It's comforting to know where you come from.

Writing your life story may be a challenge but you can do it, and it will be satisfying. Yes, remembering everything that happened decades ago can be a problem, but I was surprised by how easily things

started coming back to me when I began writing.

Develop an outline, which you later will convert into a Table of Contents, and then plunge ahead. Have a couple of people edit your first draft. When you have a finished copy, take it to some place like Office Depot and they will print and bind as many copies as you need, for a modest amount. I had 10 copies printed.

I hope you'll have as much fun writing your life story as I did writing mine.