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I also like a girl at Aikido. At first I was a little ashamed and embarrassed, the last thing I wanted to do was use Aikido as a way of finding love. I was attracted to this girl physically, but did not wish to become “involved” with her as I felt it would complicate things.

It was easy at first as I didn’t train with her, or have any close contact. After a while we started training together. The way that she would look into my eyes, and the way she acted towards me in general gave me the impression that she “liked” me. I am not sure if my gut feeling was correct, but suddenly I found that she was becoming more irresistible to me.

I try to be strong and resist temptation and can think of numerous reasons in my mind why I shouldn’t get involved with he, but in my hart and spirit I want to give it a go, and feel like I wont be at peace until I do so.

I only hope that I can find the inner strength to talk to her as an adult and explain the situation. I am no longer ashamed of my feelings towards her and recognize that they are only natural, and hope that she can understand.

Sure I want more than anything to be with her, but at the same time want what is best for her and for the Dojo.

I think that like many other people, I have made a mountain out of a mole hill, and have let the situation get out of hand.

all persons involved that have feelings for another at the dojo, I say this: Tell her how you feel, be mature about it, and don't ramble. Most importantly, speak from the heart and tell her off the mat. My suggestion is to ask her out for drink first. If she accepts then she is likely interested in getting to know you and is a step in your favour. If she declines, politely acknowledge. Here is the kicker, if a woman declines and says she is busy, she might actually have plans. Look at her demeanour and how sympathetic she is when she responds. Try a seconed time and see what she says and if she declines, tell her no problem but that if she ever wants to hang out as friends that would be cool.

As a female perspective, look at her eyes ... if you ask her and she smiles and still holds eye contact, that is a good sign. Women like to touch when they are attracted to someone (ok, I should speak for myslef here). Joking and touching the arm or shoulder are safe places to show attraction ... basically, when we touch someone we are interested in, it sends loads of "feel good" hormones through our body ...

I say, ask her out for drink, tell her you find her very interesting and would like to get to know her more ... you will see right away if she pulls back or if she embraces that opportunity.

I met my boyfriend at the dojo. Then we broke up and it was a bit awkward... luckily, he quit. His presence never discouraged me from training there though. So keep in mind that there is a possiblility that you two may not work out and that things could get a little strange.

That same dojo is also where I met my husband! Apparently, I have a thing for martial artists.... haha. We are now happily married and I think that it is great that we are both so passionate about the same thing. A relationship that grows from friendship is usually very special.

I say train and just let things happen. If it is meant to be, then it is meant to be. Be careful though, I know some dojo's have rules about dating students or a teacher (like my husband was when we started dating). If you two do end up dating, I would suggest not working together (or at least not too often).

My husband and I try not to work with each other (but eventually do if there are less people in class). In fact, just this weekend, Sensei purposely put us together. We found that a little strange. Sensei at our new dojo doesn't seem to mind us working together as much as the sensei of our past dojo. Good luck!

Sorry if I am missing t's in my words.... the keyboard is messed up. I hope I caught them as I went!

I met my boyfriend at the dojo. Then we broke up and it was a bit awkward... luckily, he quit. His presence never discouraged me from training there though. So keep in mind that there is a possiblility that you two may not work out and that things could get a little strange.

That same dojo is also where I met my husband! Apparently, I have a thing for martial artists.... haha. We are now happily married and I think that it is great that we are both so passionate about the same thing. A relationship that grows from friendship is usually very special.

I say train and just let things happen. If it is meant to be, then it is meant to be. Be careful though, I know some dojo's have rules about dating students or a teacher (like my husband was when we started dating). If you two do end up dating, I would suggest not working together (or at least not too often).

My husband and I try not to work with each other (but eventually do if there are less people in class). In fact, just this weekend, Sensei purposely put us together. We found that a little strange. Sensei at our new dojo doesn't seem to mind us working together as much as the sensei of our past dojo. Good luck!

Sorry if I am missing t's in my words.... the keyboard is messed up. I hope I caught them as I went!

Normally, I just think of people in the dojos a dogis to work out with. But one day... I went to a seminar a while back and I noticed an extremely pretty face - right at the moment that I was flying through the air for a big ukemi. My head kind of locked in on her, and time time of froze for my head. The rest of my body kept going at normal speed, so I took a really bizarre fall. My teacher who was teaching as he was throwing me kind of looked at me like "what are you doing?!"

Normally, I just think of people in the dojos a dogis to work out with. But one day... I went to a seminar a while back and I noticed an extremely pretty face - right at the moment that I was flying through the air for a big ukemi. My head kind of locked in on her, and time time of froze for my head. The rest of my body kept going at normal speed, so I took a really bizarre fall. My teacher who was teaching as he was throwing me kind of looked at me like "what are you doing?!"

off-topic from OP I know, but...

I've had several, similar experiences at a dojo on a very busy street that had large windows close to the mat. Cars would stop for the traffic light and you'd be mid breakfall, upside down and wind up making eye contact with someone sitting in their car. It's actually a very delightful experience to be able to notice other people, their expressions and to even have a briefly exchanged, "good morning! how are you?" smile mid ukemi.

I've had several, similar experiences at a dojo on a very busy street that had large windows close to the mat. Cars would stop for the traffic light and you'd be mid breakfall, upside down and wind up making eye contact with someone sitting in their car. It's actually a very delightful experience to be able to notice other people, their expressions and to even have a briefly exchanged, "good morning! how are you?" smile mid ukemi.

At one point we worked out at a fitness club with big glass windows facing the weight machine rooms.
Lovely ladies in work-out tights would tend to make for some very ugly landings in ukemi. Focus, FOCUS!!

The attractive twenty-something who would make eye-contact while working on the thigh machine had a particularly devastating effect on several of the younger guys. ( of course, being so much above all that I was unfazed )

You say that she is talking to you often, calling you little nicknames and putting her hand on your shoulder. Preumably you have watched her enough to know if she treats other guys similarly (particularly the physical contact). If she is the type that touches other people casually/frequently then maybe you are reading too much into it. However if she is not making physical contact with other guys at the dojo then I think she is really trying to tell you something!!!

There is an old saying something along the lines of:

Three things come not back -- the spoken word, the spent arrow, the missed opportunity.

Don't miss an opportunity that you may regret for many years to come. Good luck!

Further to my previous post I note that you say you are quite shy. I don't want to be seen to be playing the "amateur psychologist" based on brief info you have posted in a forum, but maybe I can just make some general comments about shyness that may be of interest.

The interesting thing about the word 'shy' is that it really means 'scared'. That is, scared of other peoples rejection. The reason a shy person doesn't speak up and voice an opinion in a group situation is that they are 'scared' that they will 'say the wrong thing' or 'say something silly' and that others will therefore think poorly of them. In effect, it involves placing TOO MUCH importance on what other peoples opinions are of you.

In a romantic situation shyness in effect means fear of rejection if you make your feelings know to the person you are interested in.

The good thing is that it is possible to easily overcome this problem!

There is a very well vaildated form of psychology called Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) which is used effectively by psychologists all over the world. One good point about REBT is that the principles are easy to understand and many people can get great benefit just by reading books/articles and having a go at the concepts.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapies, such as Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, which I suggested is probably the best option available for social anxiety issues. A book such as "Performance Anxiety" by Robin and Balter may be of benefit. Many people will gain great benefit from reading books on this issue, others may need the assistance of a therapist.

Don't know how many people this has happened to, but recently I have started to get a bit too "comfortable" with a girl at Aikido.
I really enjoy training with her, more so than with any other Uke. The main problem is I have started to develop feeling towards her and they are only getting stronger with time.
I find that the attraction is distracting me during my Aikido training and even at work and at home.

I am considering getting advice from my Sensei, not sure if telling the girl how I feel is appropriate. I don't want to loose what we already have.

Why not simply ask her out for a non aikido date?If she says yes fine, if not too bad.
For myself I met my good lady in a judo dojo-we have been married 50 years.Incidentally neither of us got time off for good behaviour.My missus still packs me off to the dojo.I guess she gets peace and quiet while I am out. Cheers, Joe.

Don't know how many people this has happened to, but recently I have started to get a bit too "comfortable" with a girl at Aikido.
I really enjoy training with her, more so than with any other Uke. The main problem is I have started to develop feeling towards her and they are only getting stronger with time.
I find that the attraction is distracting me during my Aikido training and even at work and at home.

I am considering getting advice from my Sensei, not sure if telling the girl how I feel is appropriate. I don't want to loose what we already have.

*shrugs* I'm marrying the guy that thought I was a cute aiki-bunny.
Tell her. Honesty and authenticity are virtuous.

I am in the situation where I have feelings for someone in my Dojo. Their policy, like mine is not to date people from the Dojo. Unfortunately I have strong feelings for this person, even though I know nothing can happen between us. I almost feel I should give up tanning so I can get this person out of my mind. I don't know what to do. I wish I could train with them just as I train with anybody else.