Thursday, March 01, 2012

The First Anniversary of my marriage was Sunday. It was a wonderful day. I love my wife. Blah. Blah. Blah.

All of that's great but I'm not here to talk about any of it today. I'm here to talk about the one thing I was in charge of at my wedding. The music. Now, don't get me wrong. I had some input on my wedding. But in large part (and by design) I was only lightly involved in most of the aspects of my wedding. Frankly, I didn't care about most things nearly as much as my wife, or her mother, or her friends, or my mother, or my sisters, or probably a couple dozen other people cared. I cared about the food and the music. I voiced some opinions on the food but this was somewhat offset by the fact that my Father-in law owns a fine dining Italian restaurant (I made damn sure we had a mashed potato bar though. Take that WOPS!). So, when it really came down to things, I was in charge of the music. But, you see, even this wasn't completely true.

Wedding receptions are funny. You want people to dance and have fun. The problem is most people like to dance to awful music. That's just the way it is when you're an elitist. Wedding receptions also kind of need a DJ. If only to keep things moving in an efficient and orderly manner. So I wasn't really in charge of all the music. Just some of it. We were going to have to hire a DJ and we were going to have to meet with him to discuss what we expected. So I had to compile a list of musical "dos" and "donts" for him. So, I worked on a list. A list that skewed closer to the mainstream. This wasn't torture. Even as someone who doesn't favor pop music, there's plenty of really good, enjoyable and danceable pop music to choose from if you give yourself 30-40 years to work with so. We met with the DJ and I gave him my list. He was a good sport and listened to us (me, really). In fact, I think he was actually happy to get away from some of the terrible wedding standards. He said he'd do a good job and he did.

Then it came time to discuss the intro songs for our bridal party as well as my wife & I. I already had songs picked out. My wife and I would walk in to Spottieottiedopaliscious and our bridal party would be introduced to the instrumental of Kanye West's Flashing Lights. (Quick aside: The DJ tried to show off his "musical knowledge" by saying "I don't have the instrumental for Flashing Lights but it shouldn't be too hard to find. You know, Kanye was a producer before he was a rapper." Ohhh, you don't say?)

All of that was fine and good. Even though I went far more mainstream with reception's selections than my own personal tastes generally lean, I was confident that our reception music wouldn't suck. And that our intro music would be unique and enjoyable. The only music left to select was for the cocktail hour. And the cocktail hour was truly all mine.

Below is the entire list of songs from the cocktail hour. Remember that DJ? When we arrived at the reception he came up to me and asked where I got the CD I gave him for the cocktail music. I told him I put it together. He asked if he could have a copy of it. I told him to keep the one he had. At some point during this conversation, I hope he felt pretty stupid for the little Kanye factoid he dropped on me the week before. Anyway, if you're looking for some laid back music today. I've got you. It's my gift to you. Well, that and my absence at Gheorghefest this weekend. I blame my lazy kid.

I would tell the story of my wedding DJ, but I would need 10 paragraphs. I followed a plan very similar to Mark, giving the guy a list of approved songs. At one point in the early part of the reception, he was CRANKING Paradise City. The dance floor was vacant and a lot of older folks looked alarmed.

My dude was a bust. I heard our wedding party intro song in the middle of the cocktail hour. It crushed me b/c it was my big move. I was going to have him play Revival by the Allmans during the announcement. When you hear the song, you'll understand why it was a great pick. But DN Numbnuts busted it out early. He was too dumb to realize that my cocktail picks were all instrumentals.

Oh yeah, my DJ also tried to get the dance floor going multiple times, despite strict orders not to. He looked like the guy in the wheelchair who narrated Oz. I wanted to put him in a wheelchair.

For the record, for my wife and me, our favorite part of the night was the 2-3 hours out at a nearby bar after the reception, where a good crew of folks got blotto. My second favorite part was being able to chug as many shrimp cocktail as I could find and not feeling guilty about it.

TR's tale of his wedding reminds of the best story from my wedding (or post-wedding). TJ's already heard it, but it's worth telling again.

We had a really large wedding party and many out of town guests so we reserved a block of rooms at a hotel on the beach. Our wedding reception was going to finish up around 11 and we knew that we (and our friends & family) would want to continue drinking. The hotel bar closed at 11 but we convinced the hotel that it would be in their best interest to keep it open until 2.

Fast forward to near last call. The hotel bar is packed with 50-60 friends & family. It's nothing but friends & family. Except for one guy and his wife. A guy who was apparently trying to setup a threesome for him & his lady. My old roommate Roberto (who's one of the biggest degenerates I've ever met) even asked me who this guy was as he had propositioned Roberto's girlfriend. I told him I had no idea who he was and thought nothing of it.

Until, I happened to look across the bar at 1:50 AM to see this guy attempting to strangle my 65year old father.

Immediately, my brother-in law & I both jumped over the bar (without realizing what each other were doing) into the inside of the bar & back over the bar (it was a U shaped bar) to beat the shit out of this guy. Things quickly escalated and soon another 3-4 of my groomsmen were also beating the shit out of this guy. Luckily for him, my uncle had been standing next to this guy and had wrapped him up on the ground before we could inflict too much damage (black eye, bloody nose, etc). The bartender freaked out & called the cops.

Once they arrived, they asked us if we wanted to press charges for his attempted assault on my Dad. We declined and my wife & I went to bed. Needless to say, the only thing anybody talked about at brunch the next morning was how I got into a bar fight on the night of my wedding.