A Desire Years In The Making Part One

"I'm Tom," said our waiter. "Bill's other half." He smiled at my husband and me. I smiled back. My husband looked a bit confused for a moment, and then something akin to horror flashed across his face. The waiter's smile faded. I reached out and took his hand, enclosing it in my two smaller ones. "I'm so very glad to meet you, Tom."

We lived in a small town several years ago, my husband and I. Our neighbors two doors down were a lovely couple who'd invited us to their home for supper, and when we were there, we'd met her brother, a very nice man named Bill. A very cute man. The woman's husband had seemed rather cool toward her brother, instead focusing his attention on me and my husband. I'd wondered if they had had some sort of disagreement. I learned the next day when my neighbor came over for a cup of coffee that it was a deeper sort of thing.

"John doesn't like Bill because he's gay," she explained. "But I love my brother and I won't have him shut out of my life." She looked anxious, as though she was unsure how I would take this news. I sought to reassure her.

"I think Bill is lovely, and John's an idiot to act like that," I said. She looked at me in surprise. I suspected most of her friends were not so accepting of homosexuality, nor were they so blunt. Oh well. That is how I roll. I calls 'em like I sees 'em. And in this case, I thought her husband was dead wrong. I put my hand on hers. "There is so much strife in the world," I said. "If he loves men, what of it? I think love is good stuff, regardless of whether it's straight or gay love." She flipped her palm over and grabbed my hand, tears in her eyes. I began to wonder if anyone had ever validated her brother to her before.

A few weeks later we were dining out together when our waiter made his statement of introduction. My neighbor looked a little startled, and her husband looked angry. I noted my husband's reaction, one of intense discomfort, and felt sad. He was not the person I'd thought he was when I'd proposed to him in the Shakespeare garden years before. Years later, telling you of this incident, I can still clearly recall the flash of revulsion that crossed his face when Tom identified himself that way. Phrasing that charmed me, that warmed my heart - that quite honestly aroused me - made my husband wildly uncomfortable.

His reaction bothered me then and it bothers me now. We have different world views, different desires. And they're not really reconcilable.