Gluten-Free Banana "Crumpets"

Split and grill these sweet no yeast "crumpets" for extra flavor.

I know it's not exactly a crumpet (or so I was told on Twitter). Do I care?

I started out craving a scone. Then it turned into a crumpet. Not a traditional crumpet. A crumpet without yeast. And sweet. Not because I have anything against yeast (I dig my English Muffins bigtime), but because I had a bevy of ripe bananas hanging out on my kitchen counter, whispering to me, coaxing me to imagine a new recipe and highlight their fragrant banana awesomeness. So that's how it all started.

But I was low on gluten-free flours.

Warning:Here's the part of the story where I am destined to offend anti-baking mix purists- you know, those Healthier Than Thou commenters who stop by like clockwork to remind me of the horror of potato starch. And sugar. And fat. They have only my best interest at heart, of course. Nothing less than my weak and sinful soul. The soul that craves chocolate for breakfast. And harbors an abiding crush on Keanu Reeves.

Well now that I've slipped from grace- again- because, yes, Darling, I used a gluten-free baking mix for the base of my crumpet recipe- I am sure to provoke at least one prim display of gluten-free piety and indignation such as-- and I quote-- The spark is now gone. I thought you should know. I will never return.

And this, Dear Reader, brought to mind a story. And a true one at that.

Chapter 3

The litany of, "How dark she was! Her hair stuck up like some Fiji island baby," was repeated through blue tinted smoke in a graveled growl betraying the years of Lucky Strikes sucked and crushed in the bottle-green ashtray pitted like a dime store fish.

The back-combed ash blond women planted around the table like molded wax tulips might glisten and nod toward her (or not) and resume their conversation- how clean or filthy a neighbor’s house was.

"You could eat off her floor," defined their Catholic imagination.

"She’s a saint," confirmed the insight via a lipstick conserving sip.

A pan-Formica flutter from a bee-hived believer in Easter shell pink nodded her agreement, her sugar-white crucifix reclining on her Playtex bosom.

Immaculate.

The girl knew right then, well before the age of reason, she was from a planet different, smudged and shadowed even at noon, invisibly tattooed with no blue-eyed leg-up or corn silk angel hair like they coveted and wrestled from those curvy blue bottles.

She understood in her mute wren bones that darkness equaled other in this platinum dipped half acre- this house of buried Yiddish and abandoned suitcase clues, where roots and Kaddish were dissolved in peroxide and the strains of Danny Boy hummed by Irish husbands who were tussled with like naughty children hiding in untied shoes behind the claw-footed sofa peeling the gold off chocolate gelt as tedium plumed in kielbasa steam to the smell of eggs hard-boiled so long the yolk membranes turned green.

Shown served warm from the oven- split and toast for crumpet-style.

Sweet Banana Faux Crumpets

By Karina Allrich March 2010.

I made these tasty little crumpetynumbers without eggs or butter - to keep them vegan and dairy-free. They are delicious warm from the oven as shown-- but truly sublime when sliced in half and grilled in a touch of olive oil till golden. Or toast them up and drizzle with agave or schmear with peanut butter- or Sunbutter.

I made these faux crumpets using a gluten-free mix for my flour blend- Gluten-Free Pantry Muffin and Scone Mix- because I wanted to experiment with a basic gluten-free flour mix (I bought the mix myself, and have no financial interest in the company). If you want to experiment using a different muffin and scone mix, you'll need to match the dry ingredients; the ounces on this package are 15 oz (425g). The leavened mix contains white rice flour, sugar, potato starch, baking powder, salt, baking soda and xanthan gum.