The Wondering Eye

Dear Yeti,
I have been married for going on two years now. My husband is the apple of my eye. I think about him all day when we are not together. I'm not trying to sound obsessed but I love him a lot. When we go out I sometimes catch him looking at other women. This makes me insane with rage and I can't say anything to him when I catch him do it. Rather I end up snapping sometime later over a smaller and unrelated incident. What can I do to stop this? Is this his problem, or mine?

Thankx,
Carry

Dear Carry

Congratulations you are a very lucky woman. Wait I may have gotten ahead of myself, I?ll pick up that thought in a minute. Ahh yea how annoying, he?s checking out every hot little thing that walks by. I get the feeling you are catching him do this a lot (or at least you think you are). And you see this as a growing problem. Lets deal with this in three parts: your problem, his problem, and the reality.

You are really into this guy and on some level no matter how small, you are afraid of losing him to another woman. When you see him checking out other women it pinches that nerve of insecurity and makes you ask your self ?why am I not enough for him?? All this adds up to extreme anxiety for you then you act out. Because you are paranoid I assume you also keep a close watch on this guy, always know where he is, monitor credit card and cell phone bills for incriminating evidence (strange hotel charges, long late night calls, exc.) Because you have not mentioned any suspicious of affairs or acts on betrayal it?s safe to say you are really just concerned about him ?looking? at other women. Congratulations you are in a committed relationship with a man who loves you. Take a minute and digest this.

Your husband is subject to forces beyond his control, it?s a cruel trick being played by his DNA from back when we were monkeys. Turn on your TV; I?m sure there will be a documentary on animal breading rituals sometime today. Part of dragging a penis around this pebble of a planet (animal or human) is the carnal need to put it somewhere. Sorry too graphic? Well it?s true, monogamy is a relatively new concept given the 10,000 years or evolution. Any man able to comply with this should be rewarded. This is why he looks, hell he probably even thinks about other women. None of this should worry you so stop being so insecure. If I had any advise on this topic it would be watch out for the guys who aren?t looking. That just isn?t natural and he could be hiding something.

The reality is that he is not acting on his primal urges. It?s just a little peek to satisfy his curiosity. Nothing can make a man more confused than a woman who builds up her anger then explodes on something unrelated. It?s unclear and confusing. Try dealing with your frustration in the moment or just buy him some sunglasses. If this fails to satisfy you can always return the favor by checking out other dudes. I suggest the sleazier the better (your club hopping mechanic, the bartender, the real estate agent who you met with last week that used to be on ?days of our lives?), these kind of guys should be easy to find and they are sure to get you point across.

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Have you ever heard of Visual Vs Auditory? It’s just a natural thing women like listening to good things and men like looking at good things. He’s with you and loves you, watches something atractive and turns back at you. He might have started that way with you but it doesn’t mean he’s planning on moving on. Talk to him about the way he does that and ask him to be more discret. A piece of advise? Next time you see a really good looking woman coming, tell him: Look, that girl is really hot!!! He’ll have the chance to look at her without feeling guilty and you will see he’s just not interested on having anything else but a look at her.

For your husband to LOOK at other females is okay. How he looks, for how long and/or how often he does this when your out could be a problem that needs to be adressed and RESOLVED between the two of you. I have been in such a situation and for me it turned out not so good. He eventualy did cheat on me countless times. My current husband looks and even flirts with other ladies but i know it is innocent in nature. Personaly i think your female intuition is telling you something you do not want to face.

u no wha i no how u feel cause u just got married 2 years ago or something u just need to let him go cause if u dont u will get hurt in ur older life and if u dont leave now ad u leave a little bit longer he can hurt u so u jusyt need to get away from him immedetley!!!!!

When my wife wanted my full attention she would pick a random moment, pull me into the bedroom, lay me across the bed and straddle across me and say something like ” Now that I have your attention”. tell him in your sexiest voice you caught his eyes roving and ask what he saw. You’ll be happy to find out what he likes in other women. It boosts (among other things) our ego to know our hotties wanna please us. Not all men who look are seeking a relationship. we still look at a fine figure and were programmed (mostly by hollywood) what perfect looks like. No body is perfect though. Remember he’s YOUR man and you have his primary attention. if you take 20 minuteseach day to pay attention to him as soon as you get home together you would be suprised how quickly that can grow your relationship. He may even make a habit to reciprocate your interest.

Sounds to me like he’s a normal guy who tends to admire the beauty of women, and you are insecure with the idea that he is not fixated on your beauty 24/7 like he was when he first met you.
Take a deep breath and put a little trust in the man that you married.
It’s that simple.

Since you are bothered by him looking at other women you should address how you feel to him. If he argues with you and does’nt want to listen to you then he does not have your best interests at heart. I’m sure if you did it to him he would not like it. The key in a relationship is respect, trust and communication remember that.

Some research shows that women perve just as much, if not more than men. That means women look at other men too, but they are less likely to get caught. Its ok if a person looks, as ling as they do not touch or act on it. Of course sadly men are usually quite obvious when they look, even when they think its not noticeable. I guess you could tell him that you’re not blind and he’s a little too obvious, but if he’s not acting on it then don’t worry. Im sure every now and then you might notice a cute guy too. As long as llno one cheats in the relationship and you respect each other, then there shouldn’t be any serious problems. But if you’re still upset about it, you should be honest with him. Just remember, just because he is looking at other women, that doesn’t mean those other women want him and it doesn’t even mean he wants them.