Friday, November 18, 2011

27 times

I was in training for four hours yesterday afternoon and the trainer said "that would be a issue" 27 different times.

A issue.

27 times.

Yes, even I kept a tally on the scribbled notes I took. But you know, with me zoning in and out of consciousness, I wonder how many I missed.

As an writer, you can only imagine how infuriated I was. I mean, how do you not learn basics of grammar? How do you make it through your a large chunk of your adult life without somebody correcting you? A typo in a training packet? Totally acceptable.

But to stand there and lecture for four hours, just abusing the fuck out of the English language, wow. Worse, there were too many more grammatical errors to count. It was completely insane.

I have a feeling this job is going to provide a bounty of humor nuggets.

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tall man on the loose in tampa area

True story, there is a tall man terrorizing the Tampa area. This weirdo usually hangs out around parks, trying to find pick-up games of basketball - during which, he will grab the ball and maneuver around so that you come into contact with his stinky, naughty bits.

Truly an unpleasant experience.

His signature move is the "bait and switch junk grab". As you're grabbing for the ball, his junk magically appears. In the way of your hand.

Another one of his famous moves is to let the ball go loose, then as you scramble for it, his sweaty ass gets in the way. Of your face.