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I started giving my reluctant spouse a kiss every morning goodbye since I leave for work first. This has been hard to do and he has even said don’t kiss me or turn his head and reject me. This morning I didn’t after a terrible night with him. I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. I also bought him something which I hadn’t done in a while because of him rejecting me saying he don’t like it etc. Well he did just that again and I took it back and exchanged the part of the gift he didn’t like and even bought something extra but after the way he talked to me and treated me last night, I am reluctant to give it to him and thinking of taking it back and getting my money but listening to this and when you and mandy talked about planting seeds I need to continue to do so and taking it back and pulling back on the kiss in the morning will stop my consistency. Feedback appreciated 😉

Amanda Taylor

Hi RKWK. Right now plant seeds that will facilitate growth in friendship. You all will have to grow into romance and intimacy. Focus on small talk, laughing together and other things you used to do when you first met to connect on a deeper level. Remember since he is reluctant, your attempts right now will be met with skepticism because he is thinking: a.) she is only doing this to get me back interested or b.) this change is not real just for “fixing” the marriage or c.) once I show interest things will go back to the way they were. This is why this agape’ love must be walked out with an understanding of unconditional love and love without expectations. You sound like you are on the right track so continue to take it one day at a time….just shift your focus some. Friendship and praying for the healing and salvation of your spouse.

RKWK

Thank you Amanda, Ok .. talking and having small talk is really hard because he is so cold . Do you have suggestions of how I can do those things? I am really quiet when he come around because of how he makes me feel and I rather avoid another opportunity to hear him say something crazy than to feel like i should have kept quiet.

The HC

Talk with him about your first year together; tell him what qualities you saw in him (not the physical stuff) that attracted you. The good things. Mention some of those qualities that he still has (if you honestly can; there’s gotta be something!)….but reminisce on your early days. He doesn’t have to respond, just listen. But it may reach his heart, and turn into a discussion. (NOT AN ARGUMENT!!)

Then, do this by yourself: after a heartfelt prayer, read the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:1-7. Apply it to yourself, NOT him! See where *you* can improve!

After this, discuss this with him; read it together, and get his opinion. WHENEVER we read the Scriptures, we’ve got to apply to ourselves first, NOT others.

Another good Scripture: Philippians 2:3,4

a&p

Is episode 46 good for me to listen to if my spouse left?

Amanda Taylor

Hi A&P! If you are still standing in faith for your marriage, absolutely listen in!

a&p

I am standing in faith that he will come home but I get super discouraged at times with fighting. Is it possible for him to come home if I am the only one fighting for us. We have been together 14 years. The marriage has not been perfect we hurt each other but I love him and want my marriage to last. Any tips for me?

Amanda Taylor

Standing in faith can’t be done alone but instead starts with you and God. That is where I started. Podcasts 41 and 43 will be really helpful for you. Praying for and with you.

Bluebunny28

Its hard to show love or plant those seeds when my husband is being so hurtful. 20yrs together and one minute he loves me, next he is verbally abusive. Calls me names, and then emotional, physically withdrawals from me for weeks. How do I overcome this and plant seeds?

Amanda Taylor

Hi Bluebunny28. I want you to take a listen to podcast episodes 41 and 43. Those should help support you and give you better perspective on where he is. Also, I want to make sure I say, if there is any abusive behavior that makes you feel unsafe in your home, you definitely need to consider stepping away and standing from afar. Praying for and with you.

Bluebunny28

Thank you for responding. The name calling is hurtful but not scary, but very hurtful. I’ve been thinking about ending the marriage if he didn’t stop with the name calling. He turned 50 this year, we have four children , only one under age. I’m praying it’s all the changes of age and kids growing up, and we can work through this. I’ll listen to your podcast and try to use your techniques to try and save our marriage

RKWK

This sounds just like my husband Bluebunny28.

Bluebunny28

I’m in tears today. Its the day before Christmas Eve and my husband is locked in our bedroom closed off from me and our two daughters. I’m trying to keep the mood lite our the girls but its hard not to feel lonely. I asked him if he needed anything, and he stared off into space. I’m sad because I’m almost done, he is one step from loosing me. I feel alone all by myself, I don’t need to feel lonely with him. Merry Christmas to you, thank you for the note. I’ll pray for u too

a&p

Thank you for the encouragement I will check out those two podcast

Wife

I love this! But what if it takes over 6 months… My husband moved out and I see him only once a week but he clearly is so scared and he keeps stating he wants a divorce but wants to remain friends with me. He is not filing for divorce, he wants me to do it even though it was his decision. I am so confused.. He is not inviting me to any of his life events.. He would only see me one on one. I want to fight but he claims he does not want the marriage to be work. He just wants to be happy. Please advice

Domonique Edwards

Marriage is over.. my husband and have been seperated for 1 1/2years, he says I love you but not in love not even week after spending the night a Christmas Eve, he is so cold we can’t even speak like grown people we have children 2 boys, of course my heart hurts faith has been shaken, is it worth it…he has filed for divorce I’ve been served.

shandy

Hi i have both books and they are such a blessing to me right now. Found out a month ago my spouse cheated on me . Found text messages and notes which nearly made me check in to a mad house. After i confronted him he and i did not speak for nearly 2 weeks. Now i am standing for our relationship. And he is acting normal like nothing happened. Which confuses me because he said he didnt love me and was moving out. He’s still here , we havent talked about it since the confrontation. So i hve a hard time knowing whats real. He’ll say he loves me but i have so many insecurities ..”what if hes still talking to this woman ” what if he’s using me? How do i get past this. Is this judt part of the stand.

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