Pregnant & not sure how to proceed

Sun Sep 15, 2013 7:53 am

I am still nursing my DD, who just turned one recently. I found out a few days after her bday that I'm pregnant with baby #2, which I am very excited about and I definitely plan on nursing this new LO. However, I have zero interest in tandem nursing and hope DD self-weans before this LO arrives. She is still nursing a good 4-5 times a day, and loves her boobie time. I'm worried that she won't want to self-wean, and then will resent the new baby. If she does not cut back, at what point should I gently try to encourage it more? I don't want to wait until right before the baby comes and have her still remember vividly and get mad, but I don't want to force her to quit right now or suddenly.

She is eating more and more solid foods, which can distract from nursing, but she often still wants to nurse for comfort I think. We've started introducing little bits of cow's milk in a sippy, which she isn't all that interested in but will take a few sips.

Re: Pregnant & not sure how to proceed

Mon Sep 16, 2013 5:53 pm

My girl is almost 14 months and is still nursing probably 6xs in a 24 hours period. I have a friend that both of her youngest self weaned about mid way through pregnancy when her milk changed. I wouldn't stress about it too much just yet. Slowly start encouraging more solids and offer a sippy through out the day. I have in the past few days gotten my girl down to mornings, nap, post dinner, bedtime and 2 night time feeds. It's taken me about 2 wks to drop 2 sessions. I've been able to do so by just gently encouraging her to take her cup and offering frequent snacks. I really have no desire to tandem nurse either but I don't have the heart to "force" wean her either. Oh, I also quite offering the breast and just let her ask for it. Don't offer, don't refuse is a pretty good method for weaning slowly. Good luck mama!

Re: Pregnant & not sure how to proceed

Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:02 pm

Don't offer, don't refuse... Makes sense to me. I think we are both so engrained with our nursing routine that I'm going to have to pay attention to whether she's really asking for it or not! I know she pulls away much quicker than she used to, and have been trying to remind myself that she's done and stop trying to give more.

We do morning, before morning nap, before afternoon nap, and bedtime. She sometimes wants milk between the last two, so I offered a sippy of milk today and she loved it. Sigh.

Re: Pregnant & not sure how to proceed

Thu Sep 19, 2013 9:09 am

I'm worrying about the same thing (we're TTC)

I know some babies self wean when your milk changes in the early second trimester. It's such a crap shoot, since some toddlers nurse for comfort, not so much for milk and don't mind the change in milk. I hope my son is willing to wean soon (almost 21 months), but I am not counting on it. His morning nurse is absolutely essential if I'm home, or he flips out. Even if I end the session earlier than he wanted, I end up having to give him a cup of milk, which most of the time he is willing to take as a substitute. Not really sure what to do! I don't want to tandem nurse either, but if I have to I will for a little while and just keep hoping he loses interest. (I'm a dreamer)

Re: Pregnant & not sure how to proceed

Thu Sep 19, 2013 11:44 am

My daughter was just shy of her second birthday when I found out about this baby, so a bit older than yours. At that time, she wanted to nurse anytime she saw my lap. As soon as m/s hit, I weaned her down to before nap and before bed (and any night time wakings/major fits). It was surprisingly easy to do, despite how often she was nursing. I would offer a distraction and/or snack when she would ask, and after only a few days, she just stopped asking.

I had no desire to tandem. Really, I still don't. But I hoped that she would wean on her own as the pregnancy progressed. Around 18 weeks, my milk dried up completely and it HURT to nurse. Kellymom says something like 80% of babies/toddlers will wean around this time; mine is, of course, one of the 20% who did not. As time went on and I accepted that this girl is not giving it up, I found tandem nursing support groups and am trying to see the benefits. For example, I think tandem nursing will help a lot with any potential jealousy when this baby is born since my poor daughter still doesn't "get" what's going on, and she is VERY MUCH a mama's girl. I know there are going to be challenges, and if I'd had my way I wouldn't be about to embark on this, but I didn't want to wean her so it is what it is.

I do think weaning sooner rather than later is best if you want to avoid the memory of it being there. I don't know how far into the pregnancy you want to take it to see if your baby weans on her own. She's young enough that the memory might fade more quickly, so it might not be a big deal. Not offering/not refusing is a great first step in gently weaning.

Sorry I'm not more help! Just wanted to share my experience as someone who didn't want to wean but didn't want to tandem, and has now accepted that I'm not getting my way.

Re: Pregnant & not sure how to proceed

Fri Sep 20, 2013 5:28 am

We're already at before naptimes and bedtime (+ a first thing in the morning feed). She sort of did that on her own, I guess. She does seem to be losing interest in the bedtime feed too, and has been cutting it off early for a while. I usually try to get her back on, but I'm trying to make a concentrated effort to let her decide when the session is over. I've heard that about my milk, that it will change and she will lose interest, it's that 20% that worries me lol.

I'm starting to think that if we are approaching 25 weeks with no change, I might try to gently drop one per week. That would give her a good 10 weeks of no nursing before baby comes. It just seems so soon If we get to 39 weeks and she's still nursing, I'm not going to cut her off. I do feel like that would be cruel and make her feel really replaced. FX we don't get to that point!

Re: Pregnant & not sure how to proceed

Fri Sep 20, 2013 6:12 am

Yeah, I've definitely crossed the point of being able to wean, especially now that my colostrum is in so she's getting *something* again. If I did it now, I can't see it doing anything beneficial, just causing major jealousy and rejection issues.

Re: Pregnant & not sure how to proceed

Fri Sep 27, 2013 11:35 am

Keep me posted on how it goes! Hopefully you'll be in the 80%!

I can say, she's gonna start getting so busy soon. She may be willing to be distracted easier. My son sometimes decides he wants it so badly to the point where he will ask to go night night at like 5 PM, because he knows I will tell him no nurse until night night. I'm most nervous about putting him down for naps without nursing. He's so attached to it. It's such a great tool.

Re: Pregnant & not sure how to proceed

Fri Sep 27, 2013 4:39 pm

I'd like Alyssa weaned by the time I'm 24-28wks honestly. I mean, I hear it's great for them to bond with the new baby by tandem nursing, but I found bf'ing in the first months challenging anyway. Alyssa is my 1st baby that I EBF and she has a pretty severe lip tie that made latching painful so maybe this one will be easier. The thought of nursing 2 intimidates the hell out of me though I've thought that it would be an easy way to make sure the older one isn't trying to get into everything while I'm nursing lol. My husband seems eager for her to wean too but I think that's just because he's not ever been exposed to bf'ing. I want to get through the cold and flu season for our area before she stops. She's never had any illness so I'm kind of spoiled with that and honestly, I may pump and give her breastmilk in a sippy after the new baby gets here just for the immune system boost.