Sorry to bother you ...

Do you run into these type of messages in your inbox often ? Why do so many guys feel like they have to apologize to you just to talk to you... Are gay guys that mean an antisocial in general ? Or is it just the day in age we live in that people are so unfriendly that you must apologize ? Or is it that they are trying to give a pseudo passive approach to trying to flirt ... I think its silly when i constantly get this type of message, I'm not mean. Arent we all here to talk to each other ? ...

CopperDevil saidWhy do so many guys feel like they have to apologize to you just to talk to you... Are gay guys that mean an antisocial in general ? Or is it just the day in age we live in that people are so unfriendly that you must apologize ?

It's sad, but in this day and age in Western culture any consistent form of talking/chat beyond pleasantries and small talk can be interpreted as flirting. I have learned the hard way from a guy or girl's jealous boyfriend or girlfriend. Nonetheless, I will not apologize for being social. I will still buy gifts for friends, treat them to dinner, invite them out on the town to do stuff, etc. It's sad when kindness is so scarce that people assume there is an ulterior motive behind it, but that's where we're at now...

If the person messaging doesn't know you or hasn't messaged you before they may not want to assume its ok to message out of the blue. I think it's being polite and not out of the fact that anyone is mean or antisocial or perceived to be

It's a social anxiety thing. As a socially...awkward person myself I can attest that I/we say "sorry" because I/we just may not be entirely confident of our social abilities in any regard for whatever reason hence we apologize. And it has nothing to do with the perceived friendliness of others or trying to be flirty. It can be but most of the time, it isn't. In fact, sometimes I feel as though when I do it, it makes myself look more friendly and not as crass. Again, not because trying to be flirty but we don't want to seem like jerks in front of anyone.

Like I'm that type of person who will agonize if I thought the store clerk thought I was a jerk despite the fact that I'll never see this person again.

jo2hotbod saidIf the person messaging doesn't know you or hasn't messaged you before they may not want to assume its ok to message out of the blue. I think it's being polite and not out of the fact that anyone is mean or antisocial or perceived to be

I think it's a combination of what's been said already. Some people have such low self esteem they don't think they're worthy of anyone's time. And that low self esteem has been reinforced by jerks who don't think anyone's worth their time.

The obvious solution is for the meek and the jerks to trade places. Uh, wait . . .

A better solution is for timid people to stop falling for creeps. Write to nice people, make sure you have something interesting to say, and don't apologize for it.

And why are hidden/deleted lumped together, anyway? It makes a big difference whether a member has voluntarily hidden his profile or been deleted, does it not?

If we really want to curb trolling, I would go a step further and not allow anyone without a clear, photographic face pic as their main pic to post. It won't work for everyone, but some of our members would be embarrassed to post their vitriol if it appeared next to a clear picture of their face.

Unfortunately, this would harm people who have a legitimate reason for being anonymous, but something must be done to take this site back from the sociopaths.