'And he likes to drive fast'

Originally published: April 12, 2009

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At first take, the sportscaster and the muscle car couldn’t be more different. One projects a self-effacing modesty that makes you want to invite him in for pie; the other compels you to dim the lights, shutter the blinds and dial 911 . . . just to be safe.

But as is so often the case in the make-believe land of television, looks can be deceiving — and they are in the sportscaster’s case.

Squire Barnes is among a generation of Burnaby lads who went from humble beginnings to the heights of celebrity. In fact, at a table of Michael J. Fox, Michael Bublé, Rob Feenie and Joe Sakic, the quirky Barnes is arguably the most recognizable. At least in B.C. As the “face” of GlobalTV sports since 1996, and with a quick wit and edgy sense of humour (for network news, anyway), he is the antithesis of Central Casting’s jockcaster.

So, it was a little surprising to learn during a recent spin in a 2009 Dodge Challenger SRT8 that he’s also a rocker, a drummer and a muscle car fan. “And he likes to drive fast,” adds Noon News Hour colleague Randene Neill. “And he shaves using his portable razor on his way into work every morning, and so I usually have to wipe the stubble off the passenger seat before I get in.” (That should put to rest all that blogosphere chatter about if he shaves or not.) And sure enough, he does like to drive fast.

Within minutes of pressing the push button starter on the Challenger’s clean and sporty dash, Barnes found some open road perfect to see, feel and hear how the Dodge’s 6.1-litre HEMI V8 behaves. What he couldn’t find, however, was second gear in the new manual sixspeed gearbox, wrestling with the retro- inspired pistol grip shifter and muttering under his breath.

“The shifting reminds me of my ’88 Camaro,” he said, manhandling the six-speed shifter into third. “I like driving a manual, I just have to get used to it. “But this thing takes some getting used to.” Once you’re used to it, though, the Challenger SRT8 is a pleasure to rumble around in, and with 425 horsepower and limited slip-differential, the rumbling can get fairly significant. For Barnes, he heard the call of the muscle car from an early age.

“My father was an expert auto mechanic, one of those guys who if you phoned him and told him what kind of car you had and what sound it was making could tell you what was wrong with it.” Despite the fact dad had a cherry Oldsmobile Cutlass back in the day, the son, by his own admission, has no idea what’s going on under the hood.

“The first time my father taught me how to pour oil in the engine, I tried to pour the oil down the tube where the dipstick goes,” he cites as early indication that the acorn fell very far from the tree. “I phoned him at work and said, ‘The funnel is too big, I can’t get it in this thing.’ “He said some derogatory thing and hung up the phone,” Barnes adds with a laugh and a jerky up-shift into fourth.

First cars: “I was 16 and it was a Pontiac Laurentian, which sat 25 comfortably. Then I had an old Toyota, then I got a ’79 Honda Prelude — that was the first standard I had. Then a Camaro, then a Ford Tempo, then a Pontiac Grand Am, then a Lumina, then a Geo Storm, then a Beretta, two Chevy Blazers, and my last car, an Infiniti G35x. That was the best car I’ve ever had. Only problem was it was a ‘brake-eater.’ I think they’ve improved, but my brakes wore out pretty quick. ” So why so many cars over the years? “As soon as I felt there was something wrong with the vehicle, I would go see my friend who worked at a dealership and trade-in for a different car.”

Current car: “When gas spiked last year the G35x was getting pretty expensive, so I started to look around and discovered the 2008 Nissan Altima. One thing I always need in a vehicle is a place for golf clubs, and the Altima is really spacious but also very sporty. Its shifts are quick and smooth.”

Next car: “One thing for sure it won’t be a minivan.”

Dream car: “An old Corvette with a split rear-window, any colour. Or maybe an original Shelby Mustang. Something from the ’60s or early ’70s anyway.