Tired, Stressed, relationship rant

Typically I do pretty good whole foodie wise. I'm a type one diabetic, have been forever, watch carbs and calories. Don't work out as much as a should because I work two jobs and am a college junior taking 18 hours. I do yoga before bed nightly and have a fairly active job, but that is it except if I have a day off (maybe once every two weeks) to go running.

I'm also in a long distance relationship, only 18 more months to go, and it is taking it's toll. I love my relationship. That isn't what I'm tired of. WHat I'm tired of is getting a few days with my fiance then saying goodbye again. We've been together since I was 16, going on five years now. We've lived apart since high school. It is what is necessary. We both know we'll never be happy if both of us don't persue all of our acedemic and career goals, that's just the type of people we are. I have a great group of friends, but they don't understand. I also live with two girls, one who is engaged as well, another who is starting a new relationship. Their SOs are always over. Sometimes I just shut myself in my room because it hurts to see them laying on the couch, or listen to them. I get so lonely. Today I ordered a pizza and ate half of it (granted it was medium, veggie, cheeseless, whole grain thin crust), and just cried after he left. We're half way done with this, but half way still leaves us 18 months.
I got a job for the summer that is 5 days a week, no weeks off until semester starts, and will be taking classes, and likely working another job on the weekends. He won't be able to get away either, and we usually are at least able to have a week getaway in the summer, looks like that won't happen.
I want to be with him right now. He lives with our mutual best friend, and I love being down there with "my boys".
I have a hard time expressing stuff like this because I feel as though letting people know I''m upset with the current state (Well distance) that there is something wrong with the relationship. We have already had to put up with naysayers that high school relationships don't work, that long distance in college doesn't work. They work if both people are truely invested. If that phone call is important enough to push your friends to the side a bit. Having our own lives, and our own college experiences are important, but sometimes I wonder if I didn't make a mistake choosing to live here, verse where he is and where I could have gone. I know lots of people do it for longer, and their distances are far greater and in cases like the military far more uncertain. But this couple days every two months or something takes it's toll on me. I feel so weak, but I can't help it.
I really want to eat a gallon of ice cream and drink a ton of amaretto but I know that won't solve anything. I wish I had more time to focus on just me, I wish I didn't have to work all the time, I wish that term papers wrote themselves. I wish I didn't have to stress over money. I wish I had help. I wish that he was here for longer. I wish that I could speed up or slow down time. I wish I could exercise more. I wish that I didn't have to constantly worry about having the money for my medical stuff. Sometimes I feel so much older than 20. I really do.

bride2bethin,
I wish I had some great advice for you but I really don't. Life can be so tough sometimes but we just have to keep holding on. I hope things look up for you and that you feel better soon.
In the meantime, sounds like you could use one of these..

You are in a very tough situation and I totally understand what you're talking about. At least to some extent I do.
Being in college is hard! Its puts such a stress financially, and its like you have to take care of all the school work, and work, and then on top of all that you have to work on the relationship. And yes I know from personal expereience that long distance is difficult. Its so hard to see your freinds and other couples in general who are able to be physically close to each other. Makes you feel so alone and depressed. But I believe that you have a good thing with your fiance. You mentioned that you've been together for 5 years. Thats amazing. Seriously... and you're right long distance relationships require work from both you and him but they can work out. 18 months seems like a long time right now, I know it does but in the long scheme of things its really not that long.
maybe its not as often as you'd like but at least you have something to look forward to, those days that you get to see each other. It makes those days even that much more special.

Just wnat you to know that you're not alone and I believe that you're strong enough to pull through this.

__________________My Weight Loss Journey

"I'm not losing weight, I'm getting rid of it. I have no intention of every finding it again!"

I commend you on your efforts. school is hard enough without the drama of someone you love not being close by. you are a real trooper. Just hang in there the light is at the end of the tunnel. That is what my father told me when I was half way through nursing school!! Take care of yourself!!

Oh, sweetie. Don't I know it! My dh and I had a long distance relationship our first year of college and then he joined the Navy. I remember those days so well and I know it hurts so much. I admire your goals and your plans to achieve those goals. I am going to feel so old right now -I WINCE to write this!- at least you have better communication options than we did. 15 years ago, back in the stone ages, there was not the email proliferation there is now. Emails, IM's, text messaging. Oh my goodness. I feel like a senior citizen reminiscing about the Great War! So you are very lucky in so many ways. Focus on the fact you can touch base with him nearly daily.

Also, make time to exercise. Yes, I know that you have two jobs, 6 classes or so, need to sleep, study, etc. Exercise anyway.

Are you guys in the same state? Could you go to where he is for the summer and get a job there and take summer school there?

Be creative, be flexible, and be patient. This will pass. I thought my DH would never get back from his submarine voyages 12+ years ago, and he did, and now it's been years and years...and years....be careful what you wish for!!! Haahaaa!!