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The Macsween vegetarian haggis consists of kidney beans, lentils, peanuts, walnuts, almonds, carrots, turnip, mushrooms and vegetable margarine, together with the traditional ingredients of oatmeal, onions and our special blend of spices and seasoning.

i what bluh

i dont

why

Because otherwise the sequence of events at the dinner doesn't make any sense.

You need a haggis to pipe in and address.

wait now i am really fucking confused

i mean i was initially confused at the idea of vegetarian haggis, and now i am confused as to what happens at dinner with said haggis

One minute was her explaining to me that I had fucked up my GPA forever.

The next four minutes was me repeating "There is nothing I can do?" in increasingly more desperate tones.

Left before I started crying, though.

There is something you can do. I mean, it may require many days and possibly weeks of pleading/phone calls with numerous members of advisory boards, heads of departments, etc, but I assure you, dates like that are pretty arbitrary by and large. Is there a faculty member that likes you particularly well in the department? Perhaps the teacher you didn't fail with? Having a faculty member speak on your behalf is always a good thing. Your advisor has to deal with like 100 people a day, they have no patience or time to remedy your problems.

The Macsween vegetarian haggis consists of kidney beans, lentils, peanuts, walnuts, almonds, carrots, turnip, mushrooms and vegetable margarine, together with the traditional ingredients of oatmeal, onions and our special blend of spices and seasoning.

i what bluh

i dont

why

Because otherwise the sequence of events at the dinner doesn't make any sense.

You need a haggis to pipe in and address.

wait now i am really fucking confused

i mean i was initially confused at the idea of vegetarian haggis, and now i am confused as to what happens at dinner with said haggis

No, because black people don't have tons of white guilt exploding out of them constantly.

They do find it hilarious though, according to my friend kevin who likes to attend racially insensitive parties dressed as a mexican.

oh indeed

I've always heard that playing the race card with progressive whites is like the best pastime ever

it's like UK-Office levels of awkwardness

You know what's fucking crazy? Playing the race card as a joke, in an overtly joking way, and having it totally misinterpreted. Some people treat mock offense seriously, like they're covering their bases just in case, and it's the funniest thing.

The Macsween vegetarian haggis consists of kidney beans, lentils, peanuts, walnuts, almonds, carrots, turnip, mushrooms and vegetable margarine, together with the traditional ingredients of oatmeal, onions and our special blend of spices and seasoning.

i what bluh

i dont

why

Because otherwise the sequence of events at the dinner doesn't make any sense.

You need a haggis to pipe in and address.

wait now i am really fucking confused

i mean i was initially confused at the idea of vegetarian haggis, and now i am confused as to what happens at dinner with said haggis

Burns Supper has a rather complicated order of events:

Start of the evening
Guests gather and mix as in any informal party.

Host's welcoming speech
The host says a few words welcoming everyone to the supper and perhaps stating the reason for it. The event is declared open.
All of the guests are seated and grace is said, usually using the Selkirk Grace. The Selkirk Grace is a well-known thanksgiving said before meals, using the Lallans Lowland Scots language. Although attributed to Burns, the Selkirk Grace was already known in the 17th century, as the "Galloway Grace" or the "Covenanters' Grace". It came to be called the Selkirk Grace because Burns was said to have delivered it at a dinner given by the Earl of Selkirk.

The Selkirk Grace

Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it;
But we hae meat, and we can eat,
And sae let the Lord be thankit.

The supper then starts with the soup course. Normally a Scottish soup such as Scotch Broth, Potato Soup or Cock-a-Leekie is served.

Entrance of the haggis

Addressing the haggis
Everyone stands as the main course is brought in. This is always a haggis on a large dish. It is usually brought in by the cook, generally while a piper plays bagpipes and leads the way to the host's table, where the haggis is laid down. He/she might play 'A man's a man for a' that', 'Robbie Burns Medley' or 'The Star O' Robbie Burns'. The host, or perhaps a guest with a talent, then recites the Address To a Haggis

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmaist! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve,
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
"Bethankit" hums.

(auld Guidman = the man of the house, rive = tear, i.e. burst)
Is there that o're his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi' perfect scunner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him ower his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

At the line His knife see rustic Labour dicht the speaker normally draws and cleans a knife, and at the line An' cut you up wi' ready slicht, plunges it into the haggis and cuts it open from end to end. When done properly this "ceremony" is a highlight of the evening.

Supper

At the end of the poem, a Scotch whisky toast will be proposed to the haggis, then the company will sit and enjoy the meal. The main course is haggis, and is traditionally served with mashed potatoes (tatties) and mashed turnip (neeps). A dessert course, cheese courses, coffee, etc. may also be part of the meal. The courses normally use traditional Scottish recipes. For instance dessert may be cranachan or Tipsy Laird (whisky trifle) followed by oatcakes and cheese, all washed down with the "water of life" (uisge beatha) – Scotch whisky.
When the meal reaches the coffee stage various speeches and toasts are given. In order, the core speeches and toasts are as follows.

Immortal memory
One of the guests gives a short speech, remembering some aspect of Burns' life or poetry. This may be light-hearted or intensely serious. The speaker should always prepare a speech with his audience in mind, since above all, the Burns' supper should be entertaining.
Everyone drinks a toast to Robert Burns.

Appreciation
The host will normally say a few words thanking the previous speaker for his speech and perhaps commenting on some of the points raised.

Toast to the Lassies
This was originally a short speech given by a male guest in thanks to those women who had prepared the meal. However nowadays it is much more wide ranging, and generally covers the male speaker's view on women. It is normally amusing but should never be offensive, particularly bearing in mind that it will be followed by a reply from the "lassies" concerned.
The men drink a toast to the women's health.

Reply to the Toast to the Lassies
This is occasionally (and humorously) called the 'Toast to the Laddies', and like the previous toast it is generally quite wide ranging nowadays. In it a female guest will give her views on men and reply to any specific points raised by the previous speaker. Like the previous speech this should be amusing but not offensive. Quite often the speakers giving this toast and the previous one will collaborate so that the two toasts complement each other.

Other toasts and speeches
These may follow if desired. It is not unusual to toast the locality or nation in which the supper is being held.

Works by Burns
After the speeches, there may be singing of songs by Burns -- Ae Fond Kiss, Parcel O' Rogues, A Man's a Man, etc—and more poetry -- To a Mouse, To a Louse, Tam O' Shanter, The Twa Dugs, Holy Willie's Prayer, etc. This may be done by the individual guests or by invited experts. It goes on for as long as the guests wish and may include other works by poets influenced by Burns, particularly poets writing in Scots.

Closing
Finally the host will wind things up, calling on one of the guests to give the vote of thanks, after which everyone is asked to stand, join hands, and sing Auld Lang Syne which brings the evening to an end.

One minute was her explaining to me that I had fucked up my GPA forever.

The next four minutes was me repeating "There is nothing I can do?" in increasingly more desperate tones.

Left before I started crying, though.

There is something you can do. I mean, it may require many days and possibly weeks of pleading/phone calls with numerous members of advisory boards, heads of departments, etc, but I assure you, dates like that are pretty arbitrary by and large. Is there a faculty member that likes you particularly well in the department? Perhaps the teacher you didn't fail with? Having a faculty member speak on your behalf is always a good thing. Your advisor has to deal with like 100 people a day, they have no patience or time to remedy your problems.

I'll try to speak with the really cool Neuroscience professor/adviser I know, and also the post-doc I work with and possibly the professor who runs the lab.

Oh ffs! The boiler was repaired today and worked a solid 3-4 hours before replicating the previous fault. This makes it a week without a boiler that works for more than a couple of hours

Is it a Ferroli

The Lancia of boilers

It is an Evo HE. We are now moving into the debate about replacing it. We must have cost British Gas a thousand pounds both this year and last year at a minimum for call out fees, with no reason to believe this will stop anytime soon, so surely if there is any sort of economic cost analysis going on by them or the landlord, it will be replaced

You know what's fucking crazy? Playing the race card as a joke, in an overtly joking way, and having it totally misinterpreted. Some people treat mock offense seriously, like they're covering their bases just in case, and it's the funniest thing.

That's why I always say to any new black person "What up nword? Want to work my cotton farm?" Helps break the ice.