– If you don’t click this, the post won’t show up and all your wrestling jokes will be invisible.

(Just kidding, but click the F out of this, please.)

Share This

– Programming Note: This week is (American) Thanksgiving, which means we’re taking a week off from the non-Raw Best and Worst reports. There’s a chance I’ll double up on the NXT report next week, but spend time with your families, dude, don’t worry about the Corey Graves jokes.

– Follow my attempt to be a famous screenwriter here, and follow my attempts to not be super-horrible at ring announcing for a real wrestling promotion here. Our next show is in Austin on January 5 and has SPECIAL GUESTS. They are extremely special, so go check out the page.

Please click through for the Best And Worst Of WWE Raw for November 25, 2013.

Orton & Cena climb the ladder all of a sudden 2 hooded figures pop out and beat them both before one of the hooded figures picks up Randy Orton, hits Ortn with his own finisher then they both take off their hood and it turns out to be New World Heavyweight Champion David Otunga and New WWE champion Johnny Ace. (Either that or rehash HIAC 2011 but instead of The Miz just have Xavier Woods have a thick tan.)

“If you break up the Cena/Show and Big E/Henry tag matches into their respective rivalries, that is THE ENTIRE SURVIVOR SERIES CARD REDONE FOR FREE THE NEXT NIGHT.” Well what do expect. they only have so many performers. its not like they can grab a few new ones from florida!

Bringing up Bo made me think about how he’s going to go up now. First they had him win that Royal Rumble spot and it looked like he was in for good when he got that feud with Woi Barrah for the IC title, but soon enough he got shuffled back to NXT and won the championship, meaning he was going to stay there for a while… since then, he turned heel and went on to be one of my favorite, if not THE favorite heel persona of all time. I can’t wait until he arrives on the main show, but I just can’t think of a good enough way to welcome our new BOverlord onto RAW… all I know is that there’s got to be cookies. And party hats. And Balloons.

Did they show Aksana’s tit pop out in the pay per view and not cut away like on RAW? Maybe that was the justification for the $50 price tag. It’s not boobs are easy to find on the internet or anything…

I like that thing you said about enjoying the journey and dealing with the awful endings, Brandon. Imma take your advice. Since AJ, the WWE belt, and the WHC belt have no journey’s, I’m ignoring them until some combo of NXT/Daniel Bryan saves them.

“Seeing Bray mix it up with good wrestlers is a first for Bray on Raw”

At this point, Punk/Bryan/Orton/Cena at Mania is the best possible thing we can hope for. And let’s be honest, a match like that is the only way Punk or Bryan is ever going to get into the main event at Mania. =/

do you really think they’d end WRESTLEMANIA THIRTY WOOHOO THREE DECADES IN THE MAKING YEEEAH like they ended WM20? because I WISH~, but then these ideas of cena turning heel at that time to make a big headline for the next full year or so always comes to my mind and I lose hope.

Good writing as usual, Brandon. However, I have more anxiety over the D-Bry angle for a different reason: WWE has a much more mixed history with its longer-term angles. If WWE always messed it up, I probably wouldn’t be nervous. However, we could get Evolution Triple H (which put over Batista and Orton in the end) or Summer of Punk Triple H. That is a scary range.

It also seems WWE has laid the foundation of tying this current Wyatt feud into the overarching Authority narrative. As of right now, who would be your favorite to win the Rumble? I would be pretty surprised if a D-Bry RR win or WM match with Triple H were off the table entirely.

Better responce: I think most people want to see AJ literally break any member of Total Divas (Naomi excepted) in half, not just Eva Marie. Someday the WWE needs to realize that any X-Pac Heat is bad heat.

Is it really X-Pac heat, though? They are booing a character based off of a reality show designed and written by WWE. It seems to me they are deliberately working fans with the disingenuous heel shtick and getting the designed reaction.

I think the reason fans don’t like Eva Marie is because she seems like a talentless woman who’s being shoved down their throats based on the assumption that her being hot is enough. To deliberately write a character that has no talent of any kind and make her seem that way, if true, well, that’s some next level shit WWE is pulling.

I’m hoping the Wyatts have been hired by the Authority to brainwash troublemakers and turn them into good little worker bees. A shaved and suited Bryan reteaming with Citizen Kane would be a great way to put some fire back into the tag division (yeah, pun intended) while also kickstarting a Bryan/Punk fued.

It’s either that or he comes back as Daniel Bryan The African Dream of The Gimp for the Wyatt Family or he believes he’s really a goat or some lame crap.
If it’s what you think, the natural next step would be that they’re going to try and kidnap and brainwash Punk next. Plus, if you turn Bryan heel, they can be rid of those pesky Daniel Bryan chants and surely the whole crowd will then rally behind Cena and forget they liked Bryan.

As a former ringleader of team Wait-And-See, I’m sad to say Brandon absolutely nailed it. Once again they tease us with something that could be awesome if played out correctly over the long term, and then yank the wrestling rug out from under us and put it right back underneath Orton, HHH, and Cena so they can pee all over it like a pack of untrained ALPHA DOGS. I don’t get the logic, but I do now accept the inevitability of it all.

SPOTLIGHT, PLEASE:

♫ It never pays to wait and seeeeeeeeeee…
…in the DOBBLE YOU DOBBLE YOU EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ♫

♫ Fare well Daniel, you’re only a Beeeeeeeee (plus)
and despite that one fateful kneeeeeeeeeeeee
the face, that you cannot seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
[Chorus Line of alternating leg kicks]
IS
THE
FACE
OF
DOBBLE YOU DOBBLE YOU EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ♫

Alright. You know John Cena’s going to win the title. I know John Cena’s going to win the title. My blind 85-year old grandmother who’s never watch wrestling and has no idea who John Cena is know that John Cena’s going win the title.

So I’m going to the casino to bet the $50 I would normally spend on PPV on a single bet. Any suggestions on what the bet should be?

You should go to the roulette table, put $50 on black, and watch nervously as the little white ball bounces from red, to black, to red…and just as its about to settle on a black number you realize HHH is the man working the Roulette table, and he gives you the SUCK IT sign before knocking the ball back to a red number, and laughing at you as he takes your money.

@RobertPalmerAlert I’d like it if one of the art projects was to draw Curtis Axel get embarrassed by HHH in various situations.

Okay, maybe not, because I’m sure Trips would just happen upon that edition of Best & Worst and think everything in the project IS THE BEST IDEA EVER and would spend an hour of the show recreating it on everyone on the roster.

@Lulzovich I love the idea but share your fear of HHH discovering said art project. I imagine that HHH already has his own version of this, but instead of Curtis Axel, it’s Daniel Bryan, and instead of a clever photoshop it’s THE ACTUAL STORYBOARD AND SCRIPT FOR MAJOR PAY PER VIEWS.

Trips – “Lets see, for the Rumble i’ll have Nash enter and eliminate Bryan, then at Elimination Chamber, i’ll have X-Pac bronco buster Bryan out of his shot at the title at Mania where i will defeat Bryan myself in a loser leaves WWE match……i have a chub just thinking about it….Hey Steph!….”

OK, so Bryan comes back reformed as a Wyatt (disregarding all those canon points Brandon presented on why Bryan CAN’T be brainwashed, simply because “WWE writers”), Punk is put in a black west and some pants by the Shield, and all of the sudden we’ve got this story line where the Shield and Wyatts are the most powerful stables and they want to see who’s best. The official reason for the start of Wyatts vs Shield (if there needs to be one besides the aforementioned “who’s the best” dispute) could be that Wyatts and the Shield wanted both Punk and Bryan among their ranks, so they got in each others ways by each side taking one of them.

We have epic 1v1, 2v2, 3v3 and all kind of match variations until Wrestlemania or something, where we get an epic 4v4 conclusion in a WarGames match. Who comes out on top?

And the Shield, in each of their own ways, just continues to make things awesome. In a just world, they would’ve broken someone’s neck by now and be holding the Paul Bearer Urn hostage in exchange for Daniel Bryan’s beard and a Stone Cold vest.

Can’t you see this is all setting up for Kevin Nash to return and win the undisputed champion’s hip? Orton and Cena are too vanilla, Nash and Trips are going to reunite and rule with an iron fist, like HHH did in the Attitude Era! *does crotch chops, shits in someone’s bag, yells catchphrases, marries bosses daughter, buries people, tears quad*

Just think how much more interesting it would have been if Daniel Bryan, getting screwed in his title quests, beat ADR for the WHC instead of Cena, then DEMANDED a unification match. Or when Cena challenged Orton, Bryan chimes in with “Uh, I beat Cena cleanly. I should have a spot in this match as well”.

You should write that you figured out the ending to TLC in every post between now and then, and add it to the Impact and Smackdown reports, and convince everyone else on the internet to do it so Vince gets upset that we figured it out and changes it to something crazy at the last second like having someone sneak down and steal a belt.

I get what you’re saying Brandon, but we replace our C’s with K’s in texts all the time (by we I mean Spanish speaking folks). I’m actually going to give WWE credit for realizing it and putting it on a shirt.

If a white person were to read the texts I have with friends and family from back home, you guys would be more confused about Spanish than you’ve ever been in your life.

It sounds like it’s no different than spelling “Axxxess” the way they do, or spelling “Kliq” the way they do (the latter infuriates me, by the way). Stupid, but intentional.

…Then again, this is also the company who mistranslated the Latin phrase used in Triple H’s entrance video (or was it a T-shirt?), and Sandow’s elbow. So you can’t blame Brandon for assuming WWE is just stupid.

He knows that, save for some exceptions, he’s pretty much universally loved. Internet nerds like us love him because indy cred or whatever, and the casual fans love him because even they’re tired of the John Cena Glass Ceiling Special. So when he’s being a WWE face, he knows he can spout a bunch of Mick Foley THIS TOWN RIGHT HERE stuff with D-Bry and WWE fans will eat it up because they’re functionally stupid and barely literate.

When he’s a heel, or he’s set up against someone who is better than him like Heyman, he has to rise to the occasion and actually try. That’s why his heel work is so good even when he’s YOU PEOPLE-ing: because he has to work to make people forget the Pipe Bomb and boo him.

So I know I’m a little late to the game on this, but I literally squealed out loud in my new open-design cubicle when I saw I made the top 10 yesterday. This is pretty much the pinnacle of my existence. //curtsies

I imagine Cody Rhodes felt awkward in that 6 man tag, as everyone else was wrestling in a shirt and pants while he was just in his trunks. Probably not as awkward as Miz showing up to that K-Mart kid’s birthday party in his trunks, but still.

Although there’s often some disparity in the guys WWE wants to push and the guys the fans enjoy watching, this might be the biggest chasm I’ve ever seen in over 30 years of watching this stuff. We’re reaching Nitro territory where they would structure the shows to start with the low carders and progressively move towards the main event with the top guys, and the crowd interest and match quality would just steadily decline throughout the night.

I spent my monday night drinking cold spaghettios in the name of performance art. I think I made the right choice.

I just hate this. I hate hate hate this. I’m intro 1998 wcw in my tape marathons now and its just the same. but worse. like do they respond to angry letters? I need to corner people in interviews. Vigilante justice needs to take place, we must know the truth of whatever the logic of this is.

I mean I guess I should just keep not watching. Hope things clear up in jan so i don’t have to sell my WM ticket.

the thing is, we got a lot of heels and need some faces now, but I still never loved sheamus as a face whenever he talks or something. I just .. I .. I don’t know. but I know this: I miss sheamus and wish he’d be back for a lot of great match ups with many others in wwe today.

as for the wyatts as a threat, they don’t even need that. as you saw in this episode, after a purposful DQ, they ABDUCTED bryan and BROKE punk …

cena heel.. no year soon.. punk vs bray is a bad idea.. punk cant get bray over seeing as how hes an unknown in singles comp.. sleeping on del rios upside.. he become more respected since his latest heel turn.. cena is officially getting him over… MICHAELS is the GOAT.. obviously ….

@themosayat There’s a lot of Heels but besides Orton and Rio none of them are badass. Cesaro & Swagger could be and Reigns is destined for the Batista push.

@iNoseBS Del Rio will never get the run he deserves. Would it have killed their plans if Alberto wins the first time he fought Cena? No, but they refuse to make fueds interesting by having a heel win cleanly.

dude del rio’s career would much rather have a good fued with cena over a clean heel win (which does happen) not just for del rio either but seeing rio tap to cena is killing the he cant wrestle chants. helpful to boh side.. NOW the heel/face classic set up has been fading away. think punks reign, big show, orton even jericho’s last show up.. hell, half the crowd hates cena. more about personality evolution that heel face..

Vince is in big man mode right and I can’t see Punk and Bryan being at the end of the Rumble. I think Bryan will fight HBK at Mania . Punk fights for a title or ends the Heyman fued for good and defeats Lesnar.

As for the Rumble, my final 6 would be Cesaro, Reigns, Show, Punk, Del Rio, and Sheamus. Reigns eliminates Show for his 10th of the Rumble, but Ambrose “accidentally” gets Reigns eliminated. Punk hits Rio with GTS and Sheamus eliminates him with the Brogue kick. Sheamus nearly elimates Punk & Cesaro, but Punk hangs on. After 5 minutes Punk hits a GTS on Sheamus but Sheamus recovers in time to flip Punk over to win the Rumble.