Monday, 7 September 2015

I’ve written about my not understanding friendship in other
posts.This one will focus on that.

I don’t know if my problems are due to not really
understanding or if they are due to the choices I make.I think I need to do some serious research to
give myself more knowledge on what a friend is.I have to have time to do that though.Right now, my book and symposium are the priorities.

Friendship seems to range from acquaintance to
spouse. I do have the spouse part! I have been hurt many times by people saying that they are
my friend.They disappear out of my life
never to be heard from again.I feel
that there are people on my Facebook ‘Friends’ list, some of whom I occasionally
see in real life and some I don’t, who are better friends than people who tell
me in plain English that they are my friends.

I have had people, who work with me in various capacities to
help/instruct me, say that they are my friends.Is it really possible for there to be a friendship in those
situations?Maybe while we are in those
conditions, like having school friends whom you don’t see outside of school.

I think my life is a big misunderstanding. Not me but everything that goes on around me- I don't comprehend what is going on. I don’t fully understand the role each person
in my life plays.I think that is because
sometimes the lines do blur--I don’t comprehend friendship and sometimes the
other person says they are a friend when they aren’t.No wonder I get confused!Part of my problem is that once a person
disappears out of my life and I don’t see them face-to-face, it is like they
don’t exist.Not literally, but as in if
I don’t see you, I don’t really have a relationship with you anymore.I have read of other autistic people who
experience something similar.It even
happens to me with family members.If I
don’t see them for a while, it is almost like they are strangers but not quite.

I get very devastated when people who help me or who say
they are friends disappear out of my life.My anxiety gets out of control and I end up irritable and in tears for
days.It sucks.As much as I try not to, I guess I get too dependent.
It is difficult when you don’t make
friends or even acquaintances easily, so it is special when you actually have someone
to talk to and, if you are really lucky, to do things with.

I’m not sure where to go about researching what a real friend
is.Most books are for kids and what
they describe is not usually applicable to adults.There are different types of friends.Ones you talk to or see once a year or so but
that friendship is somehow maintained like you see each other all of the
time.That kind of friendship, I don’t
get at all.How does that work?There are other friends, whom you occasionally
get together with and there are friends you see more often.All of the ‘friends’ whom I see occasionally
to more often are all paid in to work with me or a family member in
some way.Yes, some will spend time
chatting or sharing some fun or a meal with us but I have always noticed that
even though they say that they are friends, in most of these cases, they
disappear the moment their ‘job is done’.So the question is, were they true friends?Is there some category for that type of ‘friend’?If there is, I think it shouldn’t exist.If you are a true friend, in my view, you
will be around whether you are paid to be or not.I know things happen in life and changes occur.I believe that if the friendship was
that important, there would be the odd note, text, or message sent or returned.I do try to stay in contact with people but
there are only so many times that you reach out without a reply before knowing
that it is the end, again.

I try to avoid making friends now.It is too disappointing.It is short lived when it happens and I am
usually fine without a friend even though I still long for a best friend to
hang out with and do the things I hear about other friends doing-maybe that is just me missing having a best friend as a child.My problem is that sometimes when I make a
friend and then they disappear, I never know if it is something I’ve done or
not.I do try to ask about things
happening in the other person’s life etc. but I must be doing something
wrong.Maybe I am too high maintenance and
I’m not good friend material.I know how
badly hurt I consistently get when someone says they are my friend and then
disappears and doesn’t act like it.This
has happened to me again recently.I
thought I finally had someone who might turn into a best friend and then it was
suddenly over.It was a rough
summer.I don’t know what went wrong—was
it something I did or said?Maybe I just
make bad choices and it is the other person who is has the problem.I don’t know but, it is devastating when it
happens.

If someone works with our family instructing or helping in
some way, don’t say you are my friend when you are just doing your job.Don’t make promises about the future and
always being around to help.Based on my
experiences, it’s not true, even if you really think it is at the time.I think I prefer my Facebook friends in some
ways because they don’t make promises like that.

The whole friend thing is hard to comprehend and I don’t
know if I will ever find my answers.

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About Me

Some of my writing style and views on autism have changed since the beginning of this blog but I am leaving the original posts as is. The blog also has a Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/TalesFromAnAutismFamilyBlogI am autistic and have anxiety and a learning disability. I ride as a para-equestrian.