If you’re insecure and don’t know which questions to ask on a first date, just make sure it’s not one of these…

Hey ladies, ever been on a great first date with a guy but then, out of nowhere, he starts to fidget awkwardly in his seat, wipes sweat from his forehead, takes great pains to avoid direct eye-contact as if he really, really wants to ask you something but is too afraid to do so? Did that huge run-on sentence ever happen to you? If it did, you might think it had something to do with sex, or commitment, or even something so simple as a forgotten wallet, and you might be right about any one of those things. But it’s possible that the unasked question bothering your date has to do with something else entirely, and we here at practicallyserious.com want to offer you some alternatives as to what your inexplicably nervous date might be seconds-away from awkwardly asking you. This way maybe you can have some stock answers prepared.

3 Unorthodox Questions Men Are Afraid to Ask on a First Date

1. “Listen, I was debating asking you this for a while but…damn, it’s gonna sound weird when I say it out loud–please don’t think I’m weird! Okay, here goes: will you come and observe me while I take a dump? To give me notes? I think I’ve been doing something wrong and I could use feedback, good or bad.”

2. “Okay, okay, I’ve been having a really good time with you tonight, I think you’re cool—like, really cool—and I might be getting a little ahead of myself here, putting the cart before the horse as they say, and I hope you don’t think I’m some kind of nut, but here goes: when the four children we eventually conceive together (four boys, no girls) start to get really loud in the living room and start breaking stuff, I want to know what measures you will take to effectively discipline them. You’d be all by yourself, because I’m supposed to spend that day with my buddies.”

3. “Listen, I’m a little embarrassed to ask you this, but, here goes. Geez, I’m nervous. Maybe I’d better not. Ah crap, now I’ve gone and made a big thing out of it so I guess I’d better just get it out there on the table, for better or worse, here goes: would you rather be trapped for a week in a room about the size of a standard dining room with one-hundred-and-fifty tarantulas scattered all around, and you can’t kill them—if you kill even one of them you get thrown in a swimming pool full of them and have to swim a lap in it. OR, would you rather be trapped in this same room for 14 days with an extra-large African silverback Gorilla. I’m not saying it’s angry, I’m not saying it’ll even do anything to you. They’re not really supposed to be “man-killers,” I hear. But, I mean, that’s the chance you’ll be taking. And remember: at some point you have to sleep. So what’ll it be? Quickly, I have to use the bathroom.”