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Pride.....

November 18, 2010

….is one thing that I have a LOT of. I know that you shouldn't be an overly proud person, but I can't help it. I have always been this way. I think I was fiercely independent from the moment I stepped out of the womb. My parents have always fussed at me for not asking for any help. I think that this is very strange because most parents fuss because they want their child to STOP asking them for help. I wish I could pinpoint this to a particular moment in time but I can't. Anytime there has been something that I didn't know how to do I always made it a point to find out how to do it. I hate asking for help on most things because I hate that vulnerable feeling. I don't like to rely on people when there is a possibility that they wouldn't come through for me. I guess that means I have trust issues.

I am having to learn how to swallow my pride a WHOLE lot in the past couple of months. Between being laid off, paying bills, studying for the bar, and trying to get my life together……I am having to ask for a lot more help than I am used to. I hate it. I don't like to be under scrutiny. I hate feeling like I'm annoying people when I want to help me do something. I just have always felt that if I can always do it for myself, I won't have any reason to be disappointed with anyone but me. I'm working on it though. I am realizing that this line of thinking is causing me way more grief than I need at this point. I stay stressed all the time….so I will work on letting others in.