18 J 1 ; :::.:,;;''j.'':'":''''''' ....:..::.:--:.M.-..x.......x.. . ::::<..'(1-<:,..::.. a....y::f::::-..:.:.::: .*"-:..,.:.,..;.. <..... ;( y ,::...;;;.-=::.:.'X-:.x..:.:w..-.-.-......... . -- - ( $ m }l ..,'.'.....m___ ..\ .t., >> ' <':) --.. :.. .:..... "'.' " L -=:.; -:::3.:: ." :0!. : . : " :. . :.: ' :. . : .. . ' ::. . :. .. . : :' . . : ::. :. " :.: : ,: i. . . . : < -1 .. ::::.::: ' :, ' ,':, " . ;(ç -:-:', :', ::I Få* . f. t i} : ;:::::: w; " . i W,,. .:. . 1 t <, w- iI , Ä' : \::: i1 " : . : . . . . : , t., , , :, . . ., .:. b . .'. : "",::, , ; , : ,no -.. ..... _ . ,/' , '! ::"':;';?;: f' , j . 0. , . ,;-:=-\:: .: :;' 'j:'. . . jj:4;;;.: ...,.,..... .' ..:. . ,J.' . ' :?; ;!' t ." r:w, '/ ' " :: .,' ;,!c ;<T , ., ,:;-;" ':, "'..:..,_..,,.. :,1 ,.: :i' ..' ::- .:: . , -t :_: .. - < . ; ; .. .: .' ,,;:::- '.r, , tit,J! :>:: ' ;- 21 ." _-._ _ . ., FF 1 , T . '. 'r t t ,w t: \ 1 ,_ : : ! t . ;;f I : I ', -.. .. . . :::; . .:.:. .::.:: . · 4 ; . ,, : "jJ,,, . \\ . ,.\ '. . : r : ' 'y . , . ': :I/. ,,:. .: : . .- t < Ì" :.' .- ::::;:;".:"f' -" .. { <j:,:,'- C- , d: ' l ..#':0",..... :ï:v:'- .::- j , If /1 'j / "'- ""ro;.,., :i;:':::::":::'::: - ::=* : [ " :" :-:,: ;t: 'I::t: :": 1 ;: Jr1f " 1 '" ,. , .. . "":: . : . {-:..-: , . . , . . . . ' " . ::::, % b A ::. .'''::':::it . ,',',,',', . . . .-i i ;1 . := :: ::: i :;::...- :-', . i, ",:: :,.....",:.." ',',' ::::':-:: ff.%1: ,: M 1... ::::::: :;;:::: ::'::' : :. . '.' .:.:-x. .. ! t t ___ : .:::x.. .' ...0..:.:-'.' ' :::-. :-:: . .... .. --..:......: .:' .,r- ,_ -::':.:" ..:t: Ä't% WHEN I came to Mr. and Mrs. Vincent Astor, I found that Mr. Astor was cruising on his yacht in the West Indies. Mrs. Astor was in Florida. This threw their social centre to a point in the Atlantic one ,hundred and twen- ty-seven miles off Cape Hatteras. Mr. Otto Kahn, I found, was in Palm Beach, and this pulled his social centre southward to a point in a de- serted farmhouse outside of Spar- tanburg, North Carolina. Roger Wolfe Kahn, his son, was still in New York, however, and I conceiv- ed the happy idea of asking him to step up to Labrador for a spelL He, being in Labrador, balanced his father in Palm Beach, and it was most interesting to one of a scientific turn of mind to see the Kahn social cen- tre slowly glide northward to its proper setting. My instruments never fail me. As for Mr. and Mrs. Astor, I wired them, explaining my dilemma, and they very kindly returned to New York immediately and remained here until I had taken their bearings. F or- tunately no one of great social im- portance is with the Byrd Expedition, although I believe Mr. Russell Owen, the New York Times correspondent with the Expedition, owns both a dinner coat and a swallowtail. I real- ly am grateful that none of the Goe- lets or Harrimans are with Byrd, be- cause I am not sure that my instru- ments could cope with the problem of :: '_:':: :.;". --:- t;::: ' :}, :{, \ , '" / ,:' /J -"" .> '/ i - : ,"", ?r l(.þ .y- "Do you like me in it?" ('W hy, dearie, I love you in it." . course pulled his social centre half a mile downtown. In the case of another young blood whose social centre should have been midway between Park and Lexington in Fifty-second Street, I found to my amazement that his centre was in the duck pond in Central Park. Something wrong here, I told myself, and in- vestigated. I found he was spending most of his time in the apartment of a show girl named Yvonne Somebody- or-Other in upper Riverside Drive. I could go crazy if I allowed myself to be worried by snags such as these. M y next step in determining the social centre was to tackle the V anderbilts. You can have that job any day you like. They are like eels; you never know when you've got them. . They were all away, scattered in every part of the globe. Those who were in New York were never at home when I called. I could locate only four Willie K. Vanderbilts out of a possible nine- teen. And young Cornelius Vander- bilt-as if I didn't have enough to worry about-had gone to Iowa! Or it may have been Arkansas. No matter. It didn't take me long to strike him off my list. That pulled the whole Vanderbilt social centre twenty-two feet to the west. Iowa, indeed! I scarcely knew what to do about Mr.. James Joseph Tunney, not know- ing whether to classify him as society man or littérateur. Of course, persons who write, or who are otherwise in trade, are not allowed in our calcula- tions. I have no doubt that we owe a great cleal to literature. I mean litera- MARCH 15, 19:30 . I ture of the right sort such as Mrs. Wharton writes or dear Mr. ] ames used to write. But if we accepted authors and columnists and suchlike socially, it would really not only throw the social centre completely off, but it would blow up my instruments. As I said, they are most delI- cate. I finally created 1'v1r. Tunney a society man in petto, which means that nobody knows about it except him and me.