cheese

how are you? well i hope. is it just me or has april been another january? as in, it’s felt like it has lasted about 700 weeks. it is finally the end of the month which means i can use my favourite meme in this post because…

how am i? well, this month i’ve mainly spent it feeling like i’m in the way and a bit forgotten if i’m honest. which, i know sounds to most either

bratty

utterly ridiculous

a bit pathetic

the thing is, i know it is probably all of the above but it’s how i have been feeling. so shoot me, why don’t ya. it’s a feeling i’ve tried (unsuccessfully) to shake off. i know people are just very busy and that i am not the centre of their world. i know that cancelled plans and minimal communication is just a result of people being busy and having more important things taking up their time but it’s still how i’ve been feeling and i wont lie to you. and i wont apologise for it either because, as i’ve told many a person, you should never apologise for how you feel.

in a complete 180 i have also been feeling very inspired by all the marathon runners, both Brighton and London. how fantastic are they all? (answer: very)

our very own Teddy’s Tribe did it, raising a phenomenal amount of money in the process. the cheerleaders spent their time wandering around Brighton seafront (one of my favourite places in England, just FYI) sporting their Teddy’s Tribe Foundation T Shirts, and myself the chipped tooth and fat lip i gained courtesy of my nephew on the train down there.

hero of the month

celebrity

Jameela Jamil

i have followed Jameela for what feels like years now. i remember her presenting on T4 back in the day but i really started to love her when i started reading her columns in Glamour magazine. at least i think it was Glamour, it might have been Cosmo, it was one of them. i loved how ballsy she was, i loved that she didn’t hold any prisoners, i loved that she had fucking opinions like a real person and not some puppet created by a PR company to give the generally acceptable answers that didn’t differ from the status quo.

in more recent times people will know her as Tahani in NBC’s ‘The Good Place’. holy forking shirtballs it’s good. it’s one of those shows that are very easy to watch.

she also runs two Instagram accounts, one of which is the reason she is my celebrity hero this month.

‘I Weigh’ is a movement. a movement that encourages people to see themselves as more than the number on the scale because that is only part, a small part, of what we are. it’s bloody fantastic.

personal

there isn’t one this month. sorry, i just generally hate everyone this month sooooo

book of the month

giving myself a pat on the back because i read not one, not two but THREE books this month.

learning more about people April edition was : Patti Smith – Just Kids

what a story. a story of friendship, love and survival. a story based in one of the best cities in the world – NYC. a story that shows that success is not an overnight job for anyone. hard work is rewarded. a beautiful read that i would highly recommend.

Joanna Nadin – The Queen of Bloody Everything

a novel. this was sent to me for freee (i love it when that happens). i had to read it and then give my feedback on it. what i loved about this is that, whilst it was a love story, the main love story wasn’t based on romantic love but rather parental. the main relationship was between a mother and daughter – and we all know how complicated they can be.

Dolly Alderton – Everything I Know about Love

now this was supposed to be my ‘learn more about other people: May edition’ book but i read it in one day. so i need a new book for may, if you have any suggestions then send them to me.

my friend Amy, upon seeing i was reading this, said to me she wants to start a cult of dolly. well, Amy, sign me up. i devoured this book. every 20 something woman needs it.

i also realised after i finished that i always seem drawn to people and the stories of people that aren’t necessarily traditional. a lot of the biographies i read the people have made royal cock ups, or have had their hearts shattered, or have some form of mental illness. they’ve experienced the very worst of what life can give you, felt terribly alone, or like a failure, like they’ve been left behind but have lived to tell the tale. their stories fill me with hope and a sense of calm. they make me feel less alone, i guess.

soundtrack to the month.

there have been three songs on repeat for me across this month.

patti smith – because the night

anne-marie – 2002

chris lane – take back home girl.

bad joke of the month

this got me giggling this month

food of the month

i’ve been enjoying yoghurt pouches like the 5 year old i am and also, lots of tea and biscuits. as lent finished i’ve been making up for lost time. oh and MARMITE CHEESE. my mouth is watering just writing that. motherforking shirt balls, it’s delicious.

realisation of the month

i will always have a love-hate relationship with people. they fascinate me, but they also piss me right off.

april 2018

i’ve been thinking a lot about stories this month. everyone’s life is a story and we try to write it simply as beginning – middle – end but perhaps we have it wrong. perhaps our stories aren’t as simple as that. perhaps they are lots of little stories that each has their own beginning –middle – end. maybe the people we meet are who make up the chapters. maybe we need to let go of the role we think people play in our stories to see the role they really play. i’m sure i’ve played the heroine in some, the villain in others. i’m sure i have hurt people in ways i can never make up for even though it hurts to admit that. perhaps my ability to face the things i don’t want to, the things i convinced myself i wasn’t strong enough to make me the hero of some stories, perhaps it makes me the hero of my own story. the character i play in other people’s lives, the role i’m cast in is not mine to decide, really. some chapters, no matter how much time passes, will still be painful to revisit, as painful as they were when they came to an end. these chapters will mean we actively avoid things; places, foods, movies and music because they remind us of that pain and reliving some stories are too painful. at least for now. one day we’ll gain those things back – sure, deep down we’ll hear that song and remember that person that broke our heart, or that friend that let us down, but one day, we’ll be able to claim back those things and rewrite their meaning in our chapters, in our stories. at least that’s what i’m hoping.

How are we all? My week was a bit hit and miss, made better by friends and family that are always helping me along. This morning I woke up at 4.45am (yay) but managed to force myself back to sleep until 9am. NINE AM. THIS NEVER HAPPENS. So that was Sunday’s first win. The second was the banging bacon and egg sandwich that I made myself for breakfast. They say all good things come in three’s so here’s to the next win…

Whilst I was waiting for my bacon to cook I thought about all those people who make it through life without the taste of bacon. How much must that suck? Like, how’d do people make it through the life without a good bacon sandwich? Beats me. I then got to thinking about the foods I definitely couldn’t live without.

I love food. If you’ve seen the size of my arse you will absolutely know this is the truth. I love looking at food, talking about food, eating food. When I was younger I was quite a fussy eater. When I was 3 I was hit by a car and had to stay in hospital, the only thing the nurses could get me to eat was marmite on toast. The older I’ve got, the more experimental I have got with my food choices and now I will eat most things. I’m not massive fan of red meat, I dislike beetroots and cannot eat anything that still looks like an animal – my friend Jade takes great pleasure in eating these foods in front of me. We were in New York City together back in 2013 and she ate a fish that still had it’s head attached (she didn’t eat the head, obvs). Fast forward a couple years and we’re visiting Martha’s Vineyard and she’s chowing down on a lobster in front of me. The look of horror on my face… she still laughs at it. I’ll eat fish and meat but it cannot resemble the animal.

Anyway, moving on from those traumatic memories, if I was to pick one type of food that was my favourite it would be Mexican. No contest. I’m not sure if that makes me super basic (Taco Tuesday, anyone?) but if it does I am ok with that. If you ever find yourself in Montrose, CA there is a banging Mexican café/ takeaway place called Tortas Mexico. I dream of their refried beans. I’m salivating just thinking about it.

I also really enjoy sushi. Has to be good sushi though, fresh. Not sushi that has been swirling around on a conveyor belt for an hour before it gets to you. I’m just saying.

Individually though, these are the foods I couldn’t live without

BACON – Obvs. It’s just the best. A bacon sarnie with a healthy dollop of ketchup, you can’t go wrong. If you ever have to wake me up (a dangerous situation to put yourself in) wake me up with promise of bacon and I’ll get over my grumps quicker than normal.

AVOCADOS – The best fruit out there and so versatile! Smother it on toast, slice it up in a salad, mush it up for guacamole. Green never tasted so good.

CHEESE (AND CHEESEBURGERS, I know I’m cheating) – Did you know that cheese triggers the same part of the brain as hard drugs? According to some smart people it does (google it). I can vouch. I love cheese. I’m not fussy on the type either. A smoked gouda is probably my current favourite. Also, without cheese there is no cheeseburgers and they are probably my favourite food, ever. Most people choose pizza as their faveguilty food. Not me. Cheeseburgers FTW. Throw everything on it, lettuce, tomato, onion (hold the gherkin), add a dollop of ketchup. Perfecto.

TOMATOES– Without tomatoes there is no ketchup and I am one of those dirty people who put ketchup with pretty much everything, even my roast dinner. JUDGE ME I DARE YOU.

Having said tomatoes though, I don’t like cherry tomatoes, they’re weird and I’m bit scared of them if I’m honest.

PEANUT BUTTER – No surprises if you know me. I’ll eat it straight out the jar (one of the more endearing habits I picked up from my mother, I’m sure you’ll agree) Gotta be chunky too, the texture is what makes it.

YOGHURT – Such an easy snack and it takes me back to being 5. Vanilla or lemon is my favourite, although strawberry always goes down well. Petit filous “makes bones strongerer”.

BANANAS – Admit it, you said that in a minion voice didn’t you? No? Just me? Alrighty then… anyway. I’ve only liked bananas for the last 7 years or so, before that the texture was no bueno to me. No it’s definitely my go-to snack fruit. Also, bananas on pancakes… YUM.

SALMON- A lot of people think this is gross, I could not disagree more. I will confess to eating smoked salmon out the packet. I’m not even sorry.

So, as you can tell, the majority of the food and drinks I like keep me fat and send me to an early grave. So long as God meets me at the pearly gates with a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea, I’m grand.