THANKSGIVING Predictions for TEB (must read)

WOMEN

1. Mirai Nagasu - She will win because everyone loves Pumpkin Pie the most and the secret to making the BEST Pumpkin Pie is by churning the mixture while in the pearl layback position with egg beaters attached to your feet. Nobody else has enough flexibility to match this incredible technique. Mirai's whipped cream is similarly amazing, creating the most scrumptious dish of the season. Who cares what the gravy tastes like when your dessert is this good.

2. Mao Asada - Poor Mao has never even seen a turkey in her life. In Japan they eat cats. Thankfully she is a natural and manages to bake the bird fairly well. Her real success comes with her special recipe for marshmallow yams. These sweet potatoes knock people off their feet. Unfortunately for her, most everyone does prefer the pumpkin pie and she has to settle for 2nd.

3. Alissa Czisny - She's a real midwest girl. Believes in cooking everything from scratch. NO cranberry sauce out of a can. NO stuffing out of a box. She even shoots the turkey herself and knows how to de-feather it. While everyone appreciates this authenticity, we can't help but feel the cranberry sauce isn't quite tart enough and the stuffing is slightly too soggy. We respect the meal but know it could be grander.

4. Cynthia Phaneuf - Her best recipe is green bean casserole. Very earthy. Very robust. Very Canadian. While that's all well and good, you need more than a strong side dish to impress and it's better when your meal looks delectable rather than a murky shade of green.

5. Kiira Korpi - She's skating to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "Evita". Let's be honest - Dorothy and Evita can't cook for sh*t. Dorothy was too busy being chased by winged monkyes to ever learn how and Evita was too busy dying. Kiira Korpi delivers a dry turkey sandwich and nobody loves dry turkey, especially on white bread. The garnish on the plate is so pretty that we smile and nod anyway.

1. Brian Joubert - He's angry after Cup of China. Very angry. For the past week he has been ripping the heads off of Turkeys in order to manage his anger while also helping the local community prepare for the Holiday feast. His adrenaline has been building like a dog who keeps getting taunted from the dinner table and when he steps on the ice, wearing the heads of the deceased birds as a necklace and glaring at every other competitor as if they are a Turkey who is about to get their head ripped off, nobody will have the confidence to defeat him.

2. Takahiko Kozuka - Coming armed with the most expensive bottles of wine around, Kozuka hopes to get everyone drunk before the meal so they don't discover that he doesn't really know how to cook for Thanksgiving. He plates the food perfectly, it's good enough to be photographed for any top magazine. Everyone is ready for an scrumptious dinner. Unfortunately even through the amazing, intoxicating alcohol there noticeable problems. Aren't mashed potatoes supposed to be a little more...mashed?

3. Florent Amodio - Loves to throw everything in a pot, stir it up, and see what comes out. For this meal he attempts to make a Souffle consisting of turkey, pecans, and carrots as the main course. The starting dish is Ratatouille made with tomatoes, bell peppers, onions, zucchini, and copious amounts of lemon juice. For dessert he made a mango/peach/apple pie. What on Earth?!? Most of the guests are confused but generally like the meal.

4. Brandon Mroz - He secretly has an uncontrollable desire for buttery french rolls. He resolves to stay away from them on Thanksgiving, knowing that they will seriously bloat him for his competition in the following days. All day long he eats nothing but vegetables and white turkey meat. He sees everyone around him fully enjoying themselves, consuming stuffing and gravy and those oh-so-soft rolls. As the day goes on his stomach and brain continually nag at him, telling him "WE WANT BREAD. NOW." Brandon tries his best to resist but he eventually succumbs to the power of Thanksgiving. He stuffs roll after buttery roll into his mouth, his taste buds exploding with pleasure as tears stream down his face. "Why meeeeeee??!?!! WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!" Over the next couple days Brandon is unable to compete to his best ability and comforts himself by eating an entire loaf of French bread after failing to make the podium.

5. Kevin Reynolds - Someone told him that he was allowed to do the honors of carving the Turkey. He slowly wields the knives, his eyes glistening with delight as he stares at the giant roasted creature in front of him. "I am going to cut through this Turkey in one slice!" he exclaims. He moves a knife to the top, steadying the platter with his other hand, and attempts to cut right down the middle of the Turkey. The knife hits a bone and his face contorts into a disappointed grimace. "NOOOO, you dumb bird!" He positions the knife sideways and tries to at least carve out one side of the Turkey with a powerful thrust. The knife glides through the meat with too much inertia, into a finger on Kevin's opposing hand. "AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screams, running back into the kitchen to tend to his bleeding wound.

cat eater?

[QUOTE=Blades of Passion;531502]WOMEN

2. Mao Asada - Poor Mao has never even seen a turkey in her life. In Japan they eat cats. Thankfully she is a natural and manages to bake the bird fairly well. Her real success comes with her special recipe for marshmallow yams. These sweet potatoes knock people off their feet. Unfortunately for her, most everyone does prefer the pumpkin pie and she has to settle for 2nd.

I am a Japanese and I would like to correct your comment.
Japanese never eat cats, dogs, frogs.

6.) Mae Berenice Meite The secret to her buff bod? Whipping the cream and mashing the potatoes by hand of course. Her specialty is a chocolate cream pie with hand whisked whip cream and pudding made with protein powder, it gives her extra power so she can land those impressive triple lutzes consistently!

7.) Lena Marrocco She doesn't like turkey and chooses to eat Mao's cat dish instead. With eyes like a Siamese kitten, it's no surprise the girl loves cats! Her specialty is deserts though, she needs the sugar to perform to such upbeat music for both programs!

1. Mirai Nagasu - She will win because everyone loves Pumpkin Pie the most and the secret to making the BEST Pumpkin Pie is by churning the mixture while in the pearl layback position with egg beaters attached to your feet. Nobody else has enough flexibility to match this incredible technique. Mirai's whipped cream is similarly amazing, creating the most scrumptious dish of the season. Who cares what the gravy tastes like when your dessert is this good.

2. Mao Asada - Poor Mao has never even seen a turkey in her life. In Japan they eat cats. Thankfully she is a natural and manages to bake the bird fairly well. Her real success comes with her special recipe for marshmallow yams. These sweet potatoes knock people off their feet. Unfortunately for her, most everyone does prefer the pumpkin pie and she has to settle for 2nd.

3. Alissa Czisny - She's a real midwest girl. Believes in cooking everything from scratch. NO cranberry sauce out of a can. NO stuffing out of a box. She even shoots the turkey herself and knows how to de-feather it. While everyone appreciates this authenticity, we can't help but feel the cranberry sauce isn't quite tart enough and the stuffing is slightly too soggy. We respect the meal but know it could be grander.

4. Cynthia Phaneuf - Her best recipe is green bean casserole. Very earthy. Very robust. Very Canadian. While that's all well and good, you need more than a strong side dish to impress and it's better when your meal looks delectable rather than a murky shade of green.

5. Kiira Korpi - She's skating to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "Evita". Let's be honest - Dorothy and Evita can't cook for sh*t. Dorothy was too busy being chased by winged monkyes to ever learn how and Evita was too busy dying. Kiira Korpi delivers a dry turkey sandwich and nobody loves dry turkey, especially on white bread. The garnish on the plate is so pretty that we smile and nod anyway.

Originally Posted by silverlake22

6.) Mae Berenice Meite The secret to her buff bod? Whipping the cream and mashing the potatoes by hand of course. Her specialty is a chocolate cream pie with hand whisked whip cream and pudding made with protein powder, it gives her extra power so she can land those impressive triple lutzes consistently!

7.) Lena Marrocco She doesn't like turkey and chooses to eat Mao's cat dish instead. With eyes like a Siamese kitten, it's no surprise the girl loves cats! Her specialty is deserts though, she needs the sugar to perform to such upbeat music for both programs!

Yeah, the cat comment was a little... but otherwise really funny!

What about Haruka? You guys all seem to have completely overlooked her...

What about Haruka? You guys all seem to have completely overlooked her...

They tried to excuse her from the cookoff on the idea of the Japanese eatings cats, which got her really mad because of course they don't, and she spent the rest of the day stomping around the arena telling everyone she could find that the Japanese do not eat cats, and Mao's just crazy, meaning she never got around to cooking.

I like soggy stuffing (go Czisny), hate sweet potatoes/yams (sorry Mao, but those tubers are a walking contradiction), don't care for Pumpkin pie (sorry Nagasu, but apple is so much better. So is strawberry--rhubarb. So is cheesecake).

On a more serious note, I really think you're overestimating Joubert's ability to come back. He does skate well when he has something to prove, but not that well (see his 2010 Worlds LP) and he's stretching himself in a way he hasn't before.

On a more serious note, I really think you're overestimating Joubert's ability to come back.

These aren't completely serious predictions. It's just the narrative I wanted. In my real predictions I don't think Mao will make the podium. I do think Joubert has a good chance of winning, though. IF his team has looked at his spins and made sure to get the levels higher since Cup of China.

EDIT - Oh, I just watched his performance in the SP. Probably not then!