First of all: My username is not calling you a hatchet. It's an anagram of my name, and I happen to find it amusing.

Anywho. I am...

- a Myers-Briggs INTJ, born on the Capricorn/Aquarius cusp.

- an atheist, a liberal, and child-free.

- sarcastic, and more than a little cynical.

- fairly reserved, but not easily offended.

- not here for casual sex. Let's see if anyone actually reads that.

What I’m doing with my life

I was laid off a couple months ago, and spent my days applying for jobs, cleaning the house repeatedly, and watching awful daytime TV. But I was just hired to work in fraud prevention for a giant e-commerce company. It's second shift, so at least I can still sleep until noon.

I dropped out of grad school about two years ago, 12 credits short of a master's in psychology, and haven't had the time or money to finish. Whether I eventually go back, I'm still not sure.

I’m really good at

Psychology/behavior analysis, trivia, spelling and grammar, remembering things, listening, anything musical, appearing very calm when I'm actually freaking out, jumping to conclusions, typing, and eating every last bit of yogurt out of the little cups.

The first things people usually notice about me

My hair is a different color than it was the last time they saw me.

Which is generally true... But the people I see on a regular basis will insist I've changed my hair when I haven't, then not notice when I actually do.

I, on the other hand, notice damn near everything.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I read a lot when I was younger, but after being forced to read some truly awful things in high school, I lost interest. I'll pick up a book every now and then, but it'll typically take me six months to finish it. When I do read, I stick to non-fiction.

Not huge on movies, either. It's very rare I'll see anything more than once, but here are some I can say I enjoyed: 21, American Beauty, American History X, Chicago, Forrest Gump, Garden State, Juno, Lost in Translation, Love Actually, The Usual Suspects, When Harry Met Sally.

I watch way more TV. 30 Rock, American Dad, The Big Bang Theory, Bob's Burgers, Bones, Castle, Chopped, Community, Daria, Family Guy, Friends, Futurama, How I Met Your Mother, Impractical Jokers, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Jeopardy!, Mythbusters, Project Runway, Psych, Pushing Daisies, Queer as Folk, Scrubs, Seinfeld, The Simpsons, South Park, So You Think You Can Dance, SportsNight, Superstore, Top Chef, United States of Tara, Whose Line is it Anyway?, Will & Grace, Wonderfalls... Additionally, getting Game Show Network has been the best worst thing that has ever happened to me.

I can find at least one artist in every genre that I like. That's all I can say about music.

I don't drink any caffeinated beverages, and just the smell of buffalo sauce makes me gag. Other than that... I'll go for just about anything.

The six things I could never do without

My boys, Jackson (cat) and Liam (rabbit). Jackson is my 20lb shadow who follows me so closely that he's tripped me more than once, and Liam is a mischievous little dude who chews holes in my shirts. All that stuff aside, they're my little loves. When other people talk about their human children, I talk about my furry kids.

Bananas. I eat one every day.

TV. Whatever. Judge me.

And, um... Laughter, indoor plumbing, and underwear.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Everything. I have OCD and an anxiety disorder. I'm wired to be an over-analyzer.

On a typical Friday night I am

Probably just watching TV with Jackson. (Yes, he watches TV. He likes cartoons in particular.)

I'm old. I don't go out very much. Get off my lawn.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I suffer from Resting Bitch Face. Telling me to smile is highly insensitive.

Seriously though... I'm not private. Not even a little. I'll talk about anything, and sometimes it's TMI. Sorry in advance.

You should message me if

...you're kind of weird. I dig that.

...you can respect that the words "adventurous" and "spontaneous" do not currently and never will describe me.

...you want to be friends. Being that I've chosen the Crazy Cat Lady route, I have very little in common with most people my age who are getting married and having babies. If you find yourself in the same place, we should totally hang out.

...you're looking for something in-between casual dating and a serious relationship (and you understand what that means).

...you think imperfect people are way more interesting than those boring losers who have it all together.