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The Saga Continues

“If it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary” -Mark Twain

Here we go again! Part II of "Rodolfo-gate."

Apparently, Adriana is upset that people are saying that (her dear friends???) Karent and Rodolfo are not an actual couple. Most people over 12 (and it’s been confirmed that I am over 12) are too busy to fabricate a story about telenovela boy and the dentist. The only reason that rumor is circulating is because Latin Lover himself started it.

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The first time I met Rodolfo was at the hospital while visiting Alexia's son, Frankie. I often visited Alexia for hours at a time since she rarely left her son's side. On one of those visits, Rodolfo showed up. There was a group of at least six people in the waiting room that evening. A few minutes into his visit Rodolfo (unbeknownst to me) took a picture of me in the waiting room and posted it on Twitter. I was surprised when I received the notification since I didn't even know him. The next few hours went by as one would expect during a hospital visit, lots of small talk and stories shared in an effort to bring some much needed lightheartedness to a very sad scene.

When I left the hospital late that night, Rodolfo insisted on walking me out. He asked for my phone number under the pretense that he wanted to stay in touch with someone close to Alexia in order to get reports on Frankie's progress. He began texting me regularly after that. I never initiated a communication between us and often just responded politely or with the standard "LOL," which as everyone knows, actually means “funny dude, but leave me alone.” By the time the Swine and Wine event at the Biltmore came around, the texting had pretty much ceased altogether.

It was interesting to see the footage between Adriana and Karent. It was particularly amusing to hear that this text I allegedly sent Rodolfo read: "te echo de menos :-(." I have never written, uttered, or even formulated a thought which included those words. You see, Cubans don't talk like that. That particular saying is used commonly by Spaniards, some Mexicans, and certain South Americans, not Cubans. If I were to express that sentiment in Spanish I would say "te extrano" (which also means I miss you), but Rodolfo never gave me an opportunity to miss him, because he was constantly texting me. I was taken aback by Adriana's confrontation. I didn't want to engage in such ridiculous banter at an amazing foodie event since I live for that stuff. But alas, she was not going to let it go.

So what did we learn from the silly confrontation? Only that Rodolfo is a player who is receiving texts from someone (not me) who misses him, and that Karent is directing her misguided, smile-encased anger towards me. As a lawyer, I am a stickler for evidence and the only thing the evidence has shown thus far is that Karent needs more evidence.

Here's what we've seen so far:

Episode One:-A reluctant Rodolfo barely responding to overt acts of affection by Karent.-A quiet Rodolfo during one of Karent’s rants about me.-Karent’s parents obvious disapproval of the telenovela, ahem, "star." -Rodolfo making poorly timed jokes about sleeping with a blonde. Wait, Rodolfo likes blondes? Who knew!

Episode Two:-That the wording of the infamous text is inconsistent with the way Cubans speak Spanish. -That Rodolfo lives unsupervised in another country, where people say things like "te echo de menos."-Lea admits to both witnessing Rodolfo texting me all night and not being able to pick this "huge celebrity" out of a lineup.-A very annoyed Rodolfo via Skype. (Even he is sick of hearing about this nonsense.)-Finally, we discover that Rodolfo left me a Facebook post at 10:15 pm on Valentine’s Day at or around the same time their supposed “romantic Skype dinner” was taking place. Talk about multi-tasking.The proof in this case is most definitely not in the pudding. But since we’re talking about pudding, here’s my favorite recipe:

Combine the milk, egg yolks, sugar, salt, and cornstarch in a large bowl. Stir well, until the sugar is completely dissolved. Strain the mixture through a fine sieve into a heavy saucepan. Stir in the vanilla and set the pan over medium heat. Cook the mixture, stirring continuously with a whisk or wooden spoon, until it begins to boil, then reduce the heat to medium-low and cook until the mixture thickens, for 15 to 20 minutes.

Pour the custard into individual ramekins or ramekins and set aside to cool to room temperature. Cover the ramekins lightly with plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least 1 hour, until the custard sets. Sprinkle with cinnamon immediately before serving. Enjoy! I am hoping that we can now let the dead horse lie. I would love to bury it altogether, since the poor thing has received quite the beating. Let's see what Episode 3 has in store for us. Stay tuned!

One last note: I want to apologize for my daughter Beba's potty mouth. I am not sure where that comes from :-/. I suspect she does it for shock value. I have made an appointment with Dr. Phil for a full evaluation.