Tag: Parenting

The changes that life brings when you have a second child are subtle. The main difference is you get a lot busier and time seems to fly. It’s hard to believe that you are 2 already. The baby in you is a shadow, and you are well on your way to a little boy.

For whatever reason, I think I believe that in many ways you’d be a lot like your brother, because nurture would be more powerful than nature, despite other parents telling me what surprises await. They were not wrong. Although you share your brother’s happy disposition, you are so very different. While your personality is still emerging from you at this age, I can feel myself falling love with a boy who has so many special and unique qualities. The first thing I love about you is how much you already love me! I’m not going to pretend you don’t love mommy more but compared to Dhyan who pretty much went into hysterics if mommy wasn’t near by the fact that you run up to me yelling “Daddy!” and give me hugs is amazing. The fact that you let me put you to bed is amazing. You are just so happy when both of us around. Sometimes you run back and forth between he both of us going “Daddy!”, “Mama!”, “Daddy!”, “Mama!” You are a sweet and loving child.

You’ve spent a lot of time on my lap this past year. I know it’s not the most productive thing, but at the end of day at work, you would sit on my lap and watch music videos or nursery rhyme song cartoons. It started off with music videos this kept you entertained for about 9 months, but suddenly you transitioned to more animated stuff. In the last month or month and half I noticed that you started to become scared of some of the cartoons where someone is falling or perhaps in danger of falling. There is a Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme video that sends you into hysterics whenever it comes on. You cry, “Bam! Bam!” which is your word for falling down and start crying and I have to fast forward over it. You are none too fond of monkeys jumping and falling off the bed either and cover your eyes with your hands.

You have two very funny things that you do that just warms my heart. Even though you’ve gone long past the object permanence stage, you seem to think that you disappear when you cover your eyes. Frequently you will play a sort of peekaboo with us. We could be chasing you and then you’ll cover your eyes as if it somehow makes you disappear. It’s so funny. We then proceed to pretend we can see you and then suddenly you’ll remove your hands and laugh delightedly. The other bit of silliness is how you’ll pretend everything is a hat. From fruit, to books, to balloons. Your word for hate is wowwy. I have no idea where you got the idea that this was the word for hat, but that’s what you’ve been calling it for months now!

In general, your language skills are a bit bizarre. While you speak several recognizable words in English and Polish, and started speaking well before Dhyan, many of your words, while consistently used, do not resemble the actual word in Polish or English. You also seem to have entire conversations at times in gibberish and we can’t tell what you’re saying at all. All I can say is that I’m sorry and that I’m sure it was all very interesting and important. The sounds of your voice, whether I understand you or not is like music to my ears.

You are also much more of a naughty boy than your brother was. You have the best of mischievous grins. One that I secretly appreciate, even though I must outwardly scold. Speaking of which I’ve never seen a human more unphased by a scolding. There are times when I’ve yelled and given you the scariest of faces that would have sent fear into the little eyes of your brother and made him stop whatever he was doing. Your reaction is to look at us deadpan at best, amused at worst until we are finished and then wait until we look away to continue what it is that you were doing! Honestly I was a bit worried for a moment? Is this the reaction of one with a criminal mind? Someone who is remorseless of their wrong doing? Alas you are far to sweet to be such a person. You give hugs when someone is crying, and you give love to us and the kitties. You get worried about Humpty Dumpty falling. You’re just a little anti-authoritarian, I can’t really be upset about that. And I also think your reaction goes along with the fact that you are just a more laid back kind of personality. While happy like your brother, you have a laugh that is much more about just having fun and have no need to control the situation. You are content to just watch things happen and keep on laughing. In this way you are very much like me.

There is a quiet intelligence about you that I love to see. You figure things out quickly, and you love looking up at the sky just like I do. In this way I also feel close to you. Though it may to early to really gauge what passions will drive you, your mother is a geologist and looks down like your brother, you and I, I think we’ll be looking at the sky together. I guess we’ll see, but I can’t wait to see more of fills you with wonder.

As always, these letters are not only meant to be about my views of you are me as a parent, but also to let you know how I am at this stage of my life. Personal reflections are difficult right now, because this letter comes are a time where we are experiencing a unique moment in human history. Right now a virus called COVID-19 or the Corona virus is moving throughout the world population. It is a new virus and humans do not have an immunity to it. The country of your birth is being hit rather hard right now and the leader of this country could not be worse for this moment in time, although it is easily arguable that we should never have such a leader at any moment in time. Beyond that, on average the world is not prepared. These things are part of nature, but modern medicine has kept up with such viruses until now. We are practicing something called social distancing, quarantining ourselves, and many businesses are close to limit how close we come in contact with other people. This is causing a lot of economic hardship for many as well. There will be a great deal of death, especially to those who are old, and it will take time to recover as the global economy has slowed down significantly. We do this so that hospitals will not be overwhelmed with patients and we can save more people. We do this because we value human life above all other things. Still there is a great deal of fear, anxiety and men who crave power, and so there is discord in the better angels of our nature. I hope the discord is not so great that we can come out of this better than we might and that we learn the right lessons. Your 82 year old grandfather is with us right now and cannot go back to Poland as many countries have closed their borders to slow the spread of the virus and thus are not allowing many flights in and out. I believe he is safe with us, but if something were to happen, I want you to know that he came to help us take care of you while we were working and that he takes great care of you and loves you very much. I hope you will see him next year.

But for a 2 year old boy all you see is mommy and daddy get to be home with you more often and there is a great deal of joy. While at times you might sense our anxiety, this is a happy time for you and we are glad also to have more moments with you and watch you grow. Before I go, a couple of things. First, your brother really wants to love you and you very often push him away out of jealousy. This is normal, but I just wanted to know that he loves you so much and desperately wants to be close to you. Second, I want to ask one small favor of you. Could you please sleep through the night? That would be wonderful.

Each year I think the thoughts will flow easier, but I find myself this year less able to encapsulate what this year has been like. You seem to have changed immensely and yet it was hardly surprising I suppose in retrospect. You started pre-school at the beginning of the year, did that for 3 months, then went to Poland with your grandfather, and was there 3 weeks with just your grandparents, before your mom and Allie joined you for another 3 weeks. You a blissful summer under the sun, and then began school and I’ve never seen you shine so brightly. I know being able to be around and play with other kids more consistently has been enjoyable for you. I am sure there are going to be hiccups navigating the social waters, but I have no doubt you’ll find your way so long as you remain kind.

It’s been a very big year for you. It’s weird to think how you can be afraid to go by yourself upstairs to your room, but you have no problem going across a big ocean far away from your parents. The latter taking far more bravery than the former. It’s interesting the things we are frightened of. Most of it largely unreasonable. I missed you terribly being without you for 6 weeks, but I also couldn’t be more proud. I am glad you got to really experience your mom’s home country and got to speak the language in a place where everybody speaks it. You made friends with Polish children, you ordered things in Polish. It’s wonderful!

And now, in just one semester of kindergarten you’re reading and writing skills have improved dramatically. I am greatly enjoying watching the world open up to you. What used to be some random assort of symbols, you recognize now as letters and words, and it’s wonderful to see those eyes widen with recognition and excitement that you are reading. We had our first parent/teacher interview and your teacher had nothing but wonderful things to say about you. She did mention that you do get a little bit silly, especially when there is someone to goof around with. I was just happy that you’re the same kid at school that we see at home.

What was also nice this year is that I did get to spend much more time with you. While you still prefer your mommy, I can tell that you look forward to our time together and I enjoy your company so much. I love the questions you ask, and the way you look at the world. You are such a kind and fair boy. It is the one greatest wish for my children, and it feels like you are already there. Now I just have to figure out how to keep you on that path.

Now here is my one problem with you. Why can’t you just sit down and eat a meal? I don’t understand why you are out of your seat more than in it while we’re eating. I don’t know why you always have to go to the bathroom during meal. I don’t understand how it can take an hour to eat. Everything else Is easy with you until the parents vs. Dhyan meal times. I sense this is distressing to both us. Perhaps that’s why battles wear on because we don’t know how to communicate with each other properly. That being said, you will find a whole exciting world awaits you after meal time when you don’t use all your free time eating.

But if that’s the worst of it, I think it would be manageable. With all the growth you’ve had over the past year, I start to see you more clearly in your future and I worry about what security I can provide you in your life. My job has become less stable, this country grows ever more divided and corrupt, that the world seems more inclined to lean towards authoritarians and xenophobes, and the harm we are causing our planet continues as too much political capital in the countries that could do the most, pretends that it’s not even happening. I feel like I should be preparing you for a harsh reality, but those joyful moment with you give me strength each day. And in the end maybe that is what’s most important. Without enough joyful moments, maybe it’s not possible to know what is worth fighting for. In any world where people are needed to make things better, they are going to be bright, creative, kind, and vigilant. We need good people to look up to. I hope I can raise you to be someone who has qualities that makes people feel better when they are around you.

The quality that continues to emerge most strongly in you, is your creative ability. Especially in terms of design. Your mother has this quality in her abundance, but it was never my forte. It makes me feel sometimes I don’t know how to guide you. It makes me worry that there is some greatness I you that I don’t know how to make sure rises to the surface. But I guess that’s why there are two of us raising you, and maybe what’s really the most important is just making sure you feel completely loved. I hope that a large part of you becoming who you are meant to be is about giving you that loving environment that makes you feel free to be that person. That being said, I love that you love math and that is one area that I am enjoying exploring with you, because I share the same love of numbers and patterns. And I love watching Brain Games with you. Understanding the brain is such a big part of understanding ourselves. I hope you continue to have this interest, because learning about the brain has had a profound impact on my life.

I love you more each day Dhyan. It’s hard to believe this is possible sometimes, but as your complexity grows so does my love for you. And so, as in the past, the fear of losing you grows too. I guess I’m glad these things happen gradually, because it means I only have to get a little bit stronger every day. This fear is something I can only look at from a distance. It is too big to engage in it for any serious length of time. It is so large that it actually becomes a helpful reminder that losing yourself in what might be ruins any chance you have of enjoying and making a difference in what is. That’s one of the few truths I know that I want to make sure you understand as well. A realization that has come far later in life than I wish it had.

Happy birthday my sweet young man. I look forward to watching you grow another year, and I just want you to know that you teach me things too, and I also grow. I also want you to know that every time you love someone you change too. It doesn’t matter whether they are a child or an adult. I am so excited to be on this journey of life with you.

As I write this post, it should be clear that I am now the father of two as it is the evening of Dec. 26th and this is getting done at the last minute. Usually I’ve started writing these a couple weeks ahead of time as I always want to put some good thought into it and also because I’m just excited to talk about how amazing you are and how you make me feel.

Before your brother was born I was thinking to myself how I would be writing two of these, but wondering how they would be different? Should I do a combined letter? Is there really something that I want you to know about me that I didn’t want your brother to know? Now that your brother is here it seems so obvious the different ways both of you excite me. I also started thinking at what point would I no longer feel the need to write these letters? After all, if the goal is for you to know who I am at this point in your life, at what age have you figured me out? And at what point should I just be telling you everything I’m thinking to your face instead of writing it in a letter you might read years later? I imagine that time is not now, but I am at awe at how perceptive you are. You have a great ability to see things for what they are, but still enjoy it, love it, have a passion for it. I love that at about you. There are few things about me that are important enough to me that I would want you to have it, but that is one of them. The ability to find wonder in the world we live in. So who knows how many more letters there might be, but probably less than I think.

You pretending to be a fern.

That being said, the truth is I really don’t understand why you are the way that you are. I always thought that parenting would be like this constant verbal reinforcement of good values, and how to practice empathy, and that it would be a struggle that you would see come to fruition only years down the road. And maybe it’s that too, but right now it just feels like you are just suddenly amazing and I don’t know why. I can’t link it to something I’ve done or told you. This year you’ve already taken the first step towards understanding charity and I couldn’t be more proud. Understanding that there’s a way to help people and animals who are in peril is important. But more than that you are beginning to see your own good fortune and that’s the first step in having gratitude for advantages in your own life. But I don’t need to tell you these things it seems, somehow you will just figure it out. I do worry about making sure you have good values, but you keep surprising me by seeming to have them without much effort. My greatest wish for you and your brother is that you’ll be kind people. Yeah, you may face challenges greater than I had to face, and people might argue that toughness is more important. But I don’t feel toughness has to be sacrificed for kindness. Both are possible, and in general I think people have the wrong idea about what toughness really is. Kind or unkind there are tough people in this world, but also a lot of people pretending to be a lot tougher than they are. I feel the reason they pretend is because there is just not enough kindness. So I feel I’m justified in making that my most important goal for you. And you already are kid. You even make me reflect and look inward and how I can be a better person in this world. I hope I can be a good guide, but I have no doubt that this will be a journey where we will both grow as humans…together. I’m so excited for the journey you are going to take me on.

This year you became a brother. I really didn’t have any doubts you would be a good one. You are so sweet and loving to your brother. The only thing I worried about is you getting impatient for your brother to be a playmate. But you’ve been so patient and understanding both towards him, and towards us as we often have to take care of the baby over playing with you. When Allie was new, when he’d cry you’d always cover your ears. You hated to hear him in distress. You still do of course and you even get very flustered at times when you can’t make your brother feel better. It’s hard for adults too honestly, we just have more psychological tools to fall back on. But it actually makes me feel more at ease that Allie already has a brother who is so worried about him and loves him so much. I know, within your ability, you will also do your best for Allie and that means a lot to both your mother and I. Your brother already responds to you so much. He’s going to look up to his brother, and I have no doubts you will take that responsibility seriously.

This is the part of the letter where I talk about the year, by the numbers. Literally. You have shown a great interest in numbers this year. As a person who loves math, I couldn’t be more excited. And while your actual math has improved, I’ve more enjoyed your questions which aren’t really aimed at necessarily solving math, but just about numbers in general. Like how big they are, how they are sequenced, or how they are written. You sometimes just sit there and ask me to add numbers together. You’ll be like “what’s 100 plus 17?” and I’ll say “117”, and then you’ll say, “But then what is 1 million plus 17?”, “Then I’ll say one million and 17”. You won’t even respond, it’s like you are just processing it all, looking for patterns. The time I was the most impressed was after telling you very little about multiplication, you suddenly announced that 6 time 2 was 12. I was stunned. And for some reason you had decided to count two nobs sticking out of a light fixture 6 times, and just realized how multiplication works. I have no idea how smart you are compared to other children, but I do feel confident in saying you are a smart boy. The kind of smart that will serve you well whatever situation you find yourself in life.

It seems I have talked mostly about how amazing you are. Honestly you are more amazing than I can let on. I suppose that’s always going to be the case, since I don’t want to give you too big of a head, especially since I might just be heavily biased. 🙂 But I guess I should say a few words about where I’m at right now, since that was the point of these letters. The truth is, if talking about you so much is any indication, I’d say that I am probably certifiably a dad right now, because talking and thinking about someone constantly is just what you do when you’re in love. And I’m in love with my boys. 🙂 There are worries in life right now. The politics in this country are still a shambles. My job situation isn’t great right now, and I’m a bit worried about that. Life might have some big changes in it at some point nearer in the future than I thought, but it’s still not that near. Nevertheless there is sort of a different mindset you get in when things are less secure. You and your brother are a big part of what keeps my strength up. I also don’t want to lose precious moments with you, even when there are legitimate things to be stressed about. Maybe even more so because there are legitimate things to stress about. Love should always be a light in the darkness.

Before I go, I just wanted to say that it was awesome that we had our first road trip together. It wasn’t planned that way, but Allie got sick and mommy had to stay home. It was a great time and I’m going to enjoy having trips with my sons in the future. 🙂

Also, so you know, you are still a clown and can make me laugh like no other. I will not be shocked in the least if you become a comedian.

All parents say how quickly the time flies with your children, and it would be easy to say that 5 years have flown by. But truthfully I’m try not to bemoan the loss of the littler version of yourself because I’m just always so excited to see who you are becoming. I accept the fact that you must grow and no force in the universe can change that. Why waste time on wondering where the time went, when the present is to be enjoyed? I plan on just enjoying the journey of being your dad. 🙂

I was listening to a podcast this morning where Jonathan Haidt was interviewed. He’s a very interesting guy and I recommend checking out some of his work, but he was there to talk about his new book that he co-authored called The Coddling of America. It is something that is commonly talking about as a university professor, and of course it is a pretty mainstream discussion as well. Helicopter parenting and the hand-holding that still takes place even as they enter college is somewhat alarming. He argues that the changes in attitudes of university students on campus started around 2013 and so his discussion isn’t about millennials but rather about iGen or GenZ. He talks about the fact that we have this generation that is raised where an adult is constantly around. Also the constant testing and homework means kids don’t play enough and when they do play it is always under adult supervision. Kids don’t learn conflict resolution strategies when an adult is always a mediator. There was far more detail that he gave but what primarily caught my attention is his explanation of why this is. I mean if these young people are actually having moral panics and creating obstacles in their life that don’t actually exist, it is the fault of the parents and how they are raised. So he asks the question, why are we pre-disposed as parents to coddling?

He talks about the progress paradox. The basic idea is that what progress has done is made us all a lot safer, and thus we begin to worry about low probability risks. Things we wouldn’t have paid much attention to before but now do simply because we don’t have to worry about kids dying from small pox. Progress means we also aren’t having as many kids, as education and access to birth control has increased for all people. This progress means we are more worried about the few kids we do have. Progress has also led to increased leisure time which gives us more time to spend with our kids and watch over them. We also are more aware of child development issues and are more apt to get them involved in structured activities over free play. All of this, Haidt claims, explains why we have increased levels of moral panics on university campuses, why there safe spaces, trigger warnings, and microaggressions. (Interestingly Haidt says that removing yourself from triggers if you’ve experienced trauma is the exact opposite of what you should do if you want to heal from trauma. In cognitive based therapy which has been shown to be the most effective in helping people recover from traumatic events, it is recommended that one have graduated exposure to triggers rather than removing yourself from them.)

It seems a weird byproduct of a safer world, but from the discussion it seems that what we are doing is inventing or exaggerating fears because we don’t have as many as we used to. So I thought I would ask some questions for purposes of discussion. Does this hypothesis seem reasonable and fit what you’ve observed in society? What sort of shift would you like to see happen, and how do we go about making that change? Are we all just old fuddy duddys who don’t get the younger generation?

Since I decided to start doing the letter to you, it’s funny how I start thinking about all year as I note things I want to say. But you go through so many changes that some new always inspires me to say more about it, that by the time I get to writing, I find it hard to focus on any one thing. Ultimately this year’s letter is getting a partial eclipse from a new brother on the way. But don’t get upset that your brother is already sharing the spotlight before even arriving, I’ll discuss more about this later.

There is no question that as each year passes I simply love you more. As your personality evolves, as you start to develop your own identity, you simply are no longer someone I just love because you are my son, but because of the qualities you possess as an individual. Love is a beautiful duality now. My love for you both defies reason and is because of reasons. It’s a wonderful place to be. You continue to be sweet, silly, kind, and inquisitive. I love the questions you ask now. You often use the phrase “in this world”. I am not sure you really understand how big it is, but I like the fact that you have started to think about that bigger picture. It is also amazing how happy it makes me to see you be able to do things yourself. A month ago, you went into a public restroom all by yourself and didn’t want me in there. The other day you warmed up a waffle in the microwave all by yourself. Your firsts have always made me happy, but as you grow and these things become more complex it brings not only joy, but even a sense of peace that you are a little closer to surviving on your own. I suppose there will come a day that I will miss you being more dependent on us, but in the end parenting is to teach you to become more and more self-sufficient. I guess it just makes me feel satisfied as a parent to see these accomplishments even if they are trivial in the big picture. It’s honestly why I am loving fatherhood so much, because of how much joy you bring to things that I previously thought of as trivial, if I thought of them at all!
You are also developing a strong will. These last couple of months you’ve been getting a bit more angry when you don’t get your way and being more defiant. Given how wonderful your disposition is in general, this is sometimes hard to take, but I sense this is just the beginning of a battle of wills. But I just want you to know that we think, all the time, about the why you need to listen to us, not just that you listen to us, and so even though it breaks our hearts to make you upset at us, we know we are doing the right thing. I know you have to test your boundaries, and I hope you keep doing that in life, because to go anywhere in life, you need to cross a few boundaries, if not many.

Your love of dinosaurs continues, and you don’t just love dinosaurs but know their names and things about them. You’ve also show an interest in crystals, and plants. You seem to have a very steady hand for using scissors and decorating cookies. I don’t know what it all adds to but you have officially said you want to be a geologist because you want to dig up dinosaur bones and learn more about crystals. As I look back on this year, all I can say is that I am excited to see you grow more as a person. I don’t know how much you can project forward from the person somebody is when they are 3 or 4 into adulthood, but I feel like you are always somebody who is going to make me proud.

You’ve also become more fearful to the latter end of this year. You say, “I’m not scared of anything, I’m just scared”. You want us to go with you upstairs at night, stand guard of the bathroom door, hold your hand. It’s natural I suppose. It’s healthy to have a bit of fear, but it sometimes feels hard to know that you’ve become worried about harm coming to you, even though you’ve not experienced any real harm. I guess it’s just part of your developing emotions, and also because the love you feel is stronger and deeper than before, loss must weigh on you greater than before. I wish I could explain to you that fear is healthy, and that conquering your fears is a great feeling, but ultimately something nobody else can do for you. In time you will sort out which things are worth fearing, but for now, I am happy to hold your hand.

There is an asymmetry of course to our relationship right now, in that I have the advantage of knowing almost everything about you, and having a decent chance of remembering much of it, but you do not. Of course, I can tell that in this last year you are understanding more about what kind of person I am as well, the fact remains is that there is so much about my life that you do not yet know. There is much about the world that you are not aware. This year has been a tough year. We live in one of the most powerful countries on the planet, and right now it is being run by a terrible human being. The government at large is generally void of compassion, and everything I and your mother stand for. Times feel quite uncertain, and I’ve been more worried and down about the world than I’ve been in awhile. I hope that things are much better by the time you are old enough to read this letter, but life may have bigger changes than I or your mother can imagine right now. You will notice that as you get older and more aware of the world, that there are simply more bad things to know about. You try to balance this out with the good, but it can be a struggle. I know intellectually that all the goodness that humans have isn’t being talked about, and you just mostly are going to hear bad news, but sometimes knowledge can’t override your emotions. Coupled with the fact that history teaches us countries do fall, and life gets significantly worse, there is a shadow on the future that I find hard to shake. Suffice to say there have been times when I’ve let you watch a bit too much TV just so that I could sit next to you or cuddle with you on the sofa. If a daddy’s arms make you feel safe, your touch makes me feel peaceful and lets me forget about the world for a while.

And so, in this next year, life is going to become very different for you as your brother comes into being. Once again, the difference between what I know and what I feel clashes. When we first thought about having another kid, it was our joy of being a parent to you that wanted us to multiply that joy by having another. And yet as your mother’s due date approaches I find myself feeling a little sad in a way. You have been my world for 4 years and now there will be another child to pay attention to as well, and I will no longer be able to give you completely undivided attention. I don’t know how much other parents experience this, but all I can think about right now is what I’ll be losing, and not what will be gained. It’s hard for me to imagine that there will be more than one child to love. And while I know my love for you won’t diminish, the fact remains that there will just be less of me available to you. At the same time, I know that your mom will have less time for you too with a new baby, and that we might possibly grow even closer now because you will not be able to rely on your mom quite as much, especially while your brother is very small. And then part of me also feels bad that I don’t feel the same excitement for your brother as I felt for you, and that every first your brother does, will be something you’ve already done and wonder if it could feel as special as it is with you. I’m probably overthinking it all. There will be lots of love in this house and if my joy is doubled come April, I will truly be a fortunate man. I also know for certain you will be a wonderful brother even if at times it will be frustrating to have to share attention. I know your brother will come into the world a luckier baby than you, simply because he will have 3 people to love and care for him as he grows instead of just two.

Thank you for another wonderful year son. You bring me more laughter and joy than I can describe. Happy Birthday! I love you so much!

I’ve loved mangoes ever since I can remember. For me they are by far the tastiest fruit out there. Love probably isn’t the right word, but it’s the best I can do. I remember when I was young boy, my dad would cut up fruit for us to eat on Sunday mornings, and it was a real treat when mangoes would be in season. He would spend a lot of time cutting, and end up eating little. Very often I would eat an entire big mango in a sitting, and as the last piece was given to me I would express some faux-guilt about eating it all and my dad would look at me and say “don’t worry son, I’ve eaten so many mangoes in my life that you could never catch up to me anyway” and happily give me the last piece. He did grow up in India and I am sure he did have a lot of mangoes. Maybe to him it was like an apple. But I don’t know, if I had mangoes as readily available as apples I don’t think I would crave them any less. As I got into my teens, still every bit a mango fiend, and thought about someday sharing mangoes with my child I questioned my ability to be so generous. I mean sure I’d share, but give all of it to him? That’s not possible.

So here I am a parent and mangoes are in season and my son just loves them. And I am happy to say I know exactly how my dad must have felt. It makes me so happy to see that joy of being able to taste sweet, juicy, and wonderful fruit. I cut away, and feed him as many slices as he wants. I feel grateful that I am able to give him his heart’s desire in the form of fruit (knowing that such fruit would be a luxury for many families) and I even think to myself how many mangoes I’ve had in my life, and maybe it’s not as many as my dad, but I’m happy to let my son try and catch up. His joy is so much better than a mango.

It’s easy to get caught up in giving our kid the things we didn’t have when we were children, but thus far it seems a far more spiritually fulfilling experience to share with my son the things I did have that brought me joy, because I know what it feels like, and I can connect with him in a way that I couldn’t by simply giving him something I didn’t have. And if we feel positive about the people we are now, maybe those things you missed out on aren’t quite as important in the end.

“Yes, you can press the button!” I say it excitedly, he gets excited. It’s a great moment. But then daddy forgets and presses the button instinctively. Child goes “Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! Me! Me! Me!”. “OMG I’m sorry daddy forgot. No I am not bringing the elevator down again so you can press the button. “Waaaaaahhhhh”.

“You just spilled chocolate milk everywhere…lets get out of those clothes.” Spill cleaned up. New clothes are put on…first sip…more chocolate milk on the clothes. Seriously?

I was thinking we always love how we sound when we sing in the shower. His voice just babbling words as he plays with his bath toys is so meditative. These little sounds reverberate and are so peaceful.

“It’s been a good 6 weeks since he peed his pants, that’s really good for his age, so it was bound to happen on my watch.

I just spent 15 minutes doing some pretty sweet Charlie Chaplin moves to much delight and applause. Charlie Chaplin was in pretty good shape I have to say. It is at this moment I also realize that I will most definitely tire of doing it before he is tired of seeing it. Laughter will become tears. But even so, the laughter is worth it.

I look in awe as he just eats 3 whole oranges one after another. He definitely won’t get scurvy on my watch.

So you’re just going to eat the rice and the noodles and nothing else? Glad I spent 20 bucks on Chinese food.

The most important thing to tell everyone about his trip with daddy to the zoo was that there were no giraffes. Admittedly it was also the thing he was most excited to be seeing after it was announced he’d be going to the zoo. Still it was an hour there and an hour back, we could start a little more positively.

He’s having a sort of drunken low fade into sleep tonight. Like he did when he was about a year old. He’s be sweet and affection and babbling to himself in fits of drunken light-heartedness.

I say “I love you” and he says “I do too”. That’s the first time he’s said that to me.