In shit news, Australia have retained the Ashes. They won the first T20 international to give them a four-point series lead with only four points left to play for.

Test centurion Ellyse Perry was at one point on a hat-trick for Australia as England slipped to 16-4. From there, the tourists did pretty well to make 132-9 – but sadly not well enough when trying to defend it.

Here’s hoping the men can level the Asheses and force some kind of a play-off.

On a petty level, I just really don’t like T20. It’s just not a circumstance I care about how players adapt to. Especially not the way it’s happening at the extent of more women’s Tests (according to James Sutherland). It may all be the same sport, but the formats are cannibalising each other, and I feel that making a series that originally existed as Tests into a ‘cricket series’ is the epitome of that.

No, you’re wrong Bail-Out. Spiders would be useless at cricket, because they are four times more likely to be out LBW. That’s why cricket is the number one sport among worms, and why no millipede has ever played first class cricket.

The only problem that worms have is that when they are no-balled for bowling down the leg side in ODIs, it literally makes no sense to them and they immediately collapse into an existential crisis (technically a legsistential crisis).