INSUFFERABLE SAGITTARIUS...

The Jittery Journeys of June 2004

Salutations, centaur addlepates! Let us not waste time! Let us rather race headlong into the vile and bitter prognostications for jaded June in the manner that you generally race towards each upcoming event and through life generally.

Last month we left you beset by legal complications as a new love, met fortuitously (Sagittarian luck), turned out to be a number one rotter. This individual had knocked you down in order to serve notice of a class action by friends, employers and lovers to gain redress for ills they’ve suffered at your hands in the past. Thus, an explosive Full Moon in your idiot sign brings matters quickly to a head. You’re in court and listening to a list of peccadilloes and shortcomings read out to all with ears to hear.

Mischievous Mercury moves into fatuous Gemini and persuasive voices speak against you as incriminating documents are brought to light. Yet, as vamping Venus eclipses the great Sol Invicti, your tormentor and the mouthpiece for your accusers seems to be surrounded by such an enticing glow of beauty, you struggle to hold against her/him this antagonistic role.

Ghastly planets cavort in unseemly fashion and voices are raised, allegations made and fists are shaken. A petition is begun to reintroduce the death penalty in order to satisfy your accusers that you will be justly punished. Yet through it all, you remain calm and unconcerned as you contemplate the love light that seems to wreathe the beauteous features of this almost mystic being. You remain immune to jibes and insinuations and, by the New Moon in lunatic Gemini, you’re absolutely smitten. Venus smote you, my little addlepates, and then were you pierced by the shafts from Cupid’s bow!

And now, by all the great gods alive and dead, there’s a startling development. Mischievous Mercury dashes into neurotic Cancer, leading the great Sol Invicti to the Solstice and there’s news, my little nitwit quadrupeds! An elderly relative has died (lugubrious Saturn in your solar eighth house) and left you a fortune. On trial for everything you have, you suddenly find yourself possessed of more wealth than you ever dreamed of!

Marauding Mars crashes into loathsome Leo and you quickly hire an ill-tempered lawyer with interesting hair to cut a deal by offering to pay everybody off if the action is dropped forthwith. After some brief but serious discussions, your offer is accepted and you’re once again free and clear, due to one of those sudden turns of fortune that invariably save your wretched hide.

Curses! A pox on jolly Jupiter! And all his wretched children! And not only that but also do you fly to find your quondam accuser, fall at her/his feet and propose marriage as vamping Venus turns direct. Will your offer be accepted? And will this new bid for bliss be fruitful? Or will it be yet another disaster on the chaotic trail of your fickle affections? Click here next month and see.