Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Four Things I Missed in the Last Few Days

1. Eric Cantor pulls into the lead for biggest asshole in the Congress.

“When a family is struck with tragedy — like the family of Joplin … let’s say if they had $10,000 set aside to do something else with, to buy a new car … and then they were struck with a sick member of the family or something, and needed to take that money to apply it to that, that’s what they would do, because families don’t have unlimited money. And, really, neither does the federal government,” Mr. Cantor said.

So if you want to help out the folks whose homes were destroyed, that spending has to be offset with cuts somewhere else. Okay, that might make sense in a horrible way, I guess. But it makes a little less sense when you consider that Cantor never demanded offsets for the Bush Tax Cuts, the Iraq War, the Medicare prescription drug boondoggle, or any of the other crap that added to the defecit over the last 10 years. But helping disaster victims, well that frivolous expenditure will have to be offset. What an asshole. Almost as big an asshole as. . .

CORDOVA, Ala. – James Ruston's house was knocked off its foundation by tornadoes that barreled through town last month and is still uninhabitable. He thought help had finally arrived when a truck pulled up to his property with a mobile home from the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

Then he got the call: Single-wide mobile homes, like the FEMA one, are illegal in the city of Cordova.

Obviously, this is just a formality, and there will be a waiver issued right away, because. . .wait, really?

Scott has heard all the complaints, and he isn't apologizing. He said he doesn't want run-down mobile homes parked all over town years from now.

"I don't feel guilty," he said. "I can look anyone in the eye.

Jeezus, you know it's Alabama, right? Show me a town in Alabama that doesn't have run-down mobile homes parked all over town.

Residents whose homes were destroyed assumed they would be able to live in one of the hundreds of long, skinny mobile homes that FEMA is providing as temporary housing for tornado victims. After all, the Cordova Police Department, a pharmacy, a bank and City Hall all have moved into similar trailers since the storm.

But the city enacted a law three years ago that bans the type of mobile homes provided by FEMA, called single-wide trailers. Older single-wide mobile homes were grandfathered in under the law and double-wide mobile homes are still allowed, Scott said, but new single-wides aren't allowed and a tornado isn't any reason to change the law, even temporarily.

Actually, that is exactly a reason to change the law. Which, honestly is a dick law to begin with. How do you have a law banning single-wide trailers? A law that basically says "there's a limit to how poor you're allowed to be in this town. The people who can afford a double-wide are the absolute limit of poorness we're going to allow. We don't want any of those single-wide white trash in our town!"
And it's apparently OK for a bank or a pharmacy or City Hall to move into one of these trailers, it's just people who aren't allowed this kind of relief. What a fucking scumbag! At least as big a scumbag as. . .

3. Pat Boone, who had this to say about Paul Ryan's plan to end Medicare:

Our country needs leadership over politics. On behalf of the 60 Plus Association, I commend those individuals who have voted for and continue to support the Medicare-saving reforms proposed by Rep. Ryan.

Of course, calling the end-Medicare plan "Medicare-Saving Reforms" is a completely blatant attempt to misrepresent, mislead and misinform, or am I misunderstanding something here?

“Harry Reid and his cohorts are not fooling seniors with the ‘Medi- scare‘ tactics. Rep. Ryan’s budget will not end Medicare. Instead, it will preserve the offerings of this program for our children and grandchildren. When they controlled Washington, Democrats, led by President Obama, failed to address the solvency issue of Medicare. And they’re still refusing to address the issue. Their ’solution’ is to wait for others to propose a plan – and then misrepresent and attack it.

Ooooh, Oh I see. It's the people pointing out your lies who are the real liars. Got it.

This senior isn’t going to take it. I’m going to lace up my white shoes and spread the news far and wide that this administration is trying to mislead and scare seniors.

Ha! remember how I used to wear those white shoes? Boy, those were the days, huh? I used to make a living turning rock and roll songs into acceptable white music! Wasn't that awsome!

No, no it wasn't. You were a sorry prick then and you're a sorry prick now. You would almost be the sorriest prick in the world of showbiz this week it it weren't for. . .

4. Peter Fonda, who was apparently envious of all the negative publicity sister Jane has gotten over the years.

Well, my skin is certainly crawling!

Cannes 2011: Peter Fonda encourages his grandchildren to take up arms against President Barack Obama

Peter Fonda, the star of Easy Rider, says he is training his grandchildren to use rifles for a conflict with President Barack Obama.

Gee, now that peace sign feels a little insincere!

Peter Fonda, the star of Easy Rider, suggested to Mandrake that he was encouraging his grandchildren to shoot President Barack Obama.

“I’m training my grandchildren to use long-range rifles,” said the actor, 71. “For what purpose? Well, I’m not going to say the words 'Barack Obama’, but …”

Holy God! Isn't illegal to threaten to shoot the president? And isn't it even illegaler to train your own squad of assassins? Isn't this worse than whatever it is Jane did?

Okay, no. This is worse.

He added, enigmatically: “It’s more of a thought process than an actuality, but we are heading for a major conflict between the haves and the have nots. I came here many years ago with a biker movie and we stopped a war. Now, it’s about starting the world.

Yes. That's exactly what happened. You and Dennis Hopper made a dumb movie about motorcycle-riding drug traffickers and the Vietnam War ended. Yes, Easy Rider, that was really the deciding factor.

This ended the Iran Hostage Crisis!

"I sent an email to President Obama saying, 'You are a f(expletive) traitor,' using those words... 'You're a traitor, you allowed foreign boots on our soil telling our military -- in this case the coastguard -- what they can and could not do, and telling us, the citizens of the United States, what we could or could not do'."

Ah, I see. So you are also insane as well as being a huge asshole. Good to know.