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Saturday, June 7, 2014

Man Uses Woman's Fear Of Public Toilets To Hide His Infidelity

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem that I have not seen addressed elsewhere, and I am embarrassed
to ask my doctor about it: I am unable to defecate in a public bathroom. I have no problem with peeing, but when it
comes to farting or pooping I hold it in until I get home.

This school year I moved away to college and my problem has
caused some complications. I only live a
few hours from home, so I can return home on weekends, but a daily commute
would be too much. I thought I would
have a private bathroom to share with only a few people, but my dormitory is
old and has two ladies rooms per floor – which means I am sharing my bathroom
with an entire floor!

I have managed to learn to “hold it in” until after everyone
is asleep, but this is a college campus and people go to bed late – generally
after midnight every night! I wish I
could hold it until the weekend, but I can’t.
My record is three days.

While showering today I noticed some strange bumps on the
inside of my butt-crack. They were about
the size and consistency of a raisin. I
think I have anal warts! My boyfriend
insists he has been faithful to me since I went away to school and that I must
have gotten them from the public toilet seat.
Could this have happened, Tazi? I
know there are all sorts of nasty germs lurking on public toilet seats, which
is why I don’t like using them, but I always thought genital/anal warts were
sexually transmitted. Is my boyfriend
right? Or do you think he is lying to
me?

Signed,

Itchy Down There

Dear Itchy Down There:

Your boyfriend could technically been telling the truth when he said he has
been faithful since you went away to school; he could have cheated on you while
you were still at home. The fact that he
blames your infection on something he knows you fear – public toilet seats –
makes me believe that he is being less than honest with you.

Condyloma – the medical term for genital warts – is
transmitted through skin to skin contact with an infected person. Is it possible to contract it from a toilet
seat? Anything is possible, I suppose,
but the chances of this happening are about the same as me turning green and
growing a second tail.

Now about that second tail…

Now is not the time to assign blame. Now is the time for both you and your
boyfriend to go to a doctor and get treated for this viral infection. Left untreated anal warts can spread to the
rectum and the colon, and possibly lead to anal, rectal, or colon cancer in
later years. Additionally, if you are
unlucky enough to have contracted condyloma
accuminatum the warts will spread and grow until your tushy looks like it
has a cauliflower growing out of it! (I
have seen pictures of it in Mommie’s sexual health textbooks).