blogher advice from a crotchety old timer.

This year will be my fifth BlogHer. This year will be my first year with a baby (yes, Vivi’s coming too) and it will also most likely be my first year wearing nothing but stretchy pants, because if I’ve learned one thing from the last four BlogHer conferences? You’re either going to like someone or you’re not and it makes no difference whether they’re wearing a new dress with heels or sweatpants with house slippers.

You can dress a jerk up but they’re still just a jerk in a dress.

The thing about these conferences is that you already have something in common with almost every single person attending. And let’s be honest, it’s kind of a dorky thing.

We all like to spend time on the Internet for various and assorted reasons.

We’re all geeks on some level and that alone should get anyone over the initial anxiety hump.

To you new people, the conference will be what you make of it. You can spread yourself out and meet well over three thousand new people or you can find those with whom you connect with the most and spend three amazing days with soul sisters you never would have met had it not been for this dorky little hobby of yours. Or you can be like me and do a little of both.

If your mental status can handle it sit at a new table everyday for breakfast and lunch. Introduce yourself, ask questions about your table mates. Use the word ‘you’ more than you use the word ‘me.’ Take time to seek out those who look scared and alone and say hi. If you find someone crying outside the bathroom sit down with them and offer to share medication (kidding, kind of.) Don’t be offended if someone isn’t super nice to you, maybe they’re really scared of being surrounded by that many people (and it’s a lot of people.) If that “big” blogger you were so excited to meet brushes you off? Please don’t take it personally, maybe they just really had to poop, or their husband just called and informed them their baby fell of the swing set back home and knocked out her two front teeth. If you feel as though there are “cool kid clubs” please remember that many people who have been before are really excited to see their old friends they only get to see in person once a year. Excitement does not mean exclusion.

The people that go to these conferences are good people. They’re there because they want to be there.

As far as I know no one spends all this money and travels all this way only to find new people to hate and destroy. That’s what the check out line at Wal-Mart is for (again, kidding, kind of.)

That being said, if you are coming all this way simply to make fun of people and make them feel uncomfortable? You seriously need to find a new hobby, no offense.

My first BlogHer I bought all new clothes. Seriously, everything I wore was brand new. I had my hair and makeup done and I even went on a diet.

This year? I’ll bring clean clothes (none of which will require Spanx) flat shoes and my chubby baby. I’ll shower daily, comb my hair, brush my teeth and hug you, because I will be so happy to see you again or meet you for the first time. I will spend my time with kind people, I will eat when I’m hungry, leave when I’m overwhelmed and hopefully more than once I will laugh so hard I pee a little.

And when it’s over I will regret not being able to meet everyone, go back to my regular life here in Indiana and look forward to doing it all again next year.

Whenever I read your blog, I’m reminded why I’m damn tempted each and every time I visit my folks in Evansville (IN) that I want to visit Indy. I use the excuse with my husband that I want to see Lucas Oil Stadium (or the old RCA Dome) because of the Colts, but damn it, it’s just because I want to see if I can randomly run into you.

And now I feel like a freaking stalker, but it’s true!

Anyways, I totally agree with all that you wrote. I wish I could go to those blogger conferences, but I’m never able (kids, school, no vacay, no $$$, the list goes on), but I know that at one of those, I won’t be singled out and picked on because of my own issues, because we all have issues!

Casey Reply:July 10th, 2011 at 6:49 pm

@Sarah @ TM2TS, Just be sure to let me know when you’re coming so I can be in the same place you will be so you CAN bump into me. I don’t leave my house much. Unless we’re talking Costco.

I would love to go to a blog conference. Back when I was in college and after when I got paid for my work I went to conferences all the time, student government and then professional conferences. I feel like I would get a lot out of a blog conference but I can’t get over feeling that my blog isn’t popular/important enough… What are your thoughts on that?

Casey Reply:July 10th, 2011 at 6:52 pm

@Emiky, Honestly it was my first BlogHer that even got me noticed by anyone, I was a true nobody back in those days. That being said I don’t give a hoot if you even have a blog or not as long as you’re a nice person. A lot of people feel that way. If your blog is important to you then it’s important enough.

Lovely. This will be my first conference- I am anxious and giddy. Hope to see you there!
No new clothes for me- I’ll be 7 months pregnant… but I am most certain I will pee a little on many an occasion.

Casey Reply:July 10th, 2011 at 6:53 pm

@Jenni Chiu, I’ll be peeing too. I’ll just use the laughter as a cover up.

Last year was my first time and first conference. This year I am no longer a Blogher virgin. I am trying to get to know people before hand, follow the twitter stream and generally relax because I am determined to have fun.

I literally bubbled over into Level 6 laughter when I saw this appear. Any and every excuse for our prom date to appear on the internet. Eventually I hope this is the singular image that pops up when I Google myself. It explains so much. Love you and am beyond excited to get some quality Vivi time in. I’ve decided we should all take surfing lessons. Or watch other people take surfing lessons while we eat tacos. Discuss.

Wish I read this before I went “cute, trendy and comfy” shoe shopping to wear at my first conference! Heading to Midwest Media Moms Summit in Chicago this Saturday and I feel better already. Screw the Spanx — I’m letting my muffin top fly!

I’ve made blogher next year a goal. I’ve only posted my blog a little over a month ago. I’m loving it but feel like I have a lot to learn still. Still feel like thre are lots of crickets chirping in my neck of the woods!http://chosenchaos.blogspot.com/

Loved meeting you last year (I flew to NY with Sam) and I’m so sad that I won’t get to see you and all my friends this year I’m also bummed I won’t get to squish your gorgeous chubby Vivi. Have a blast. And you could make a paper bag look great btw.

Very excellent post! I found pretty much everything you said here to be true at my first BlogHer last year. And one of my highlights was, of course, our uncomfortably long hug. (which really? wasn’t that uncomfortable.) I won’t be there this year, but I hope you and Vivi have a blast!!

this will be my first year! i feel like i know a fair number of people (thank you twitter!) but i’m still terrified that i’ll end up all alone which is probably a little silly. or not. we’ll see won’t we?

and thanks to you and Morgan @the818 i will probably be downgrading my clothes for comfort. cuz we’s smart like adults, right?

I’ve really devoted myself into blogging and hope to attend a Blogher conference one year. If there is one close to Jersey within an 800 mile radius. I would love to attend. Too bad I didn’t start my blog sooner like you did, but better late than never. It was all in good time. Enjoy yourself and keeping building up your blogging enthusiasm…I know I am. Maybe someday I’ll see you at one. XO

Not sure if you remember being in the elevator at last year’s conference and you mentioned to my boyfriend that he shouldn’t have on an “I’m a PC” sticker, but when you heard his British accent you said that he could wear any stick he wanted. It is moments like that at this conference that make me smile and I look forward to having again every year.

Ooooh, this is such great advice. This is my first year going to blogher. And it’s also my first conference EVER. I am nervous but kind of that excited first-day-of-school nervous where you feel like you might hurl but try really hard not to because you don’t want to make a fool of yourself.

I’ll be honest, I might be wearing some new stuff and some heels. But after my 5th year I can join you with my stretchy pants.

I would love to meet you and Vivi! LOVE. I’m so glad I read this post and I really hope I see you there.

You really know what you are talking about and I LOVED this post! I have been in many of the situations that you described including crying outside the bathroom! I have met some fascinating women at BlogHer. Can’t wait to meet you there!

Radness. Enjoyed spending some time around you at TAM09, I hung out around BH a bit last year but this year I’ll have my very own conference pass, AND be actually staying at the hotel. Which should be pretty awesome. ;p

This is why I love you and have been reading you for years. In a blogosphere often rife with pettiness and inauthenticity, you shine, my dear. And would you believe, as a “veteran” 5yr blogger, I have NEVER been to BlogHer?! I love me my Blissdom though! Much more my speed.

Your post kinda sounded like you were defending BlogHer. Does it need defending? Never been so I don’t know for sure, but the conference is (like most conferences) mostly about networking (and having fun. And maybe learning a little?) And networking is an art form that not all of us have mastered. I think once that is figured out there’s no need to be scared of BlogHer. Am I wrong? Just curious.