VINNIE VINCENT BEATS WIFE, KEEPS DEAD DOGS

Anyone who knows anything knows that Vinnie Vincent is the best guitar player Kiss ever had; more than that, he’s pretty much the best guitar player in the history of ever. Unfortunately, he hasn’t recorded anything since the 90s, so he’s ineligible for our current list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, but if we ever do a list of the The Top 25 Metal Guitarists Ever, I have little doubt he would appear very, very close to the top, if not at the tippy top itself.

Which is why it’s so heartbreaking that he has apparently turned into a crazy old lady who looks slightly less masculine than Joan Jett (see mugshot below) and who, according to TMZ, was recently arrested not only for beating his wife, but for keeping “four sealed containers containing deceased dogs.”

According “The MetalSucks of Celebrity Gossip,” Vincent’s wife, Diane, “arrived to the Sheriff’s Office ‘covered in blood’ and reeking of alcohol,” and accused Vincent of grabbing her by the hair, throwing her to the ground, and dragging her through”a pile of glass from a broken plate that had been on the floor since before the argument had started.” Maybe I’m misreading that, but it sounds like someone broke a plate and just left its remains sitting around. I’m saying these people live well.

But the weirdest part — besides the fact that Diane Vincent apparently lets herself get pushed around by an post-menopausal lesbian — is that when the the police searched the Vincent residence, they discovered the aforementioned containers of dead dogs, which Diane told them had been “killed by one of their aggressive dogs.” Which still does not answer the question WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU KEEPING MULTIPLE DEAD DOGS IN CONTAINERS IN YOUR HOME?!?!, but, clearly, sanity has not visited this couple in quite some time.

It’s always tragic when someone as unbelievably amazing as Vinnie Vincent basically loses his mind, and I think I can safely speak for both Vince (Neilstein, not Vincent) when I say that we find this news especially heartbreaking. Unless the dead dogs somehow pertain to a new Vinnie Vincent Invasion album, in which case I think we’d be willing to forgive Vinnie any and all transgressions immediately.