Angry with an ex? Adopt a cockroach or scorpion in their honor

Valentine’s Day can be a terrible time for jilted lovers and those dealing with rejection, but now even those simmering in anger can delight in the holiday by adopting a hissing cockroach or hairy scorpion in honor of their former lovers.

Looking to drum up support for some of its less cuddly critters,
the San Francisco Zoo is putting a twist on Valentine’s Day.
Instead of adopting a penguin, flamingo, or giraffe, people now
have a limited-time opportunity to adopt a Madagascar hissing
cockroach or a giant hairy scorpion.

Better yet: Those who choose to participate can dedicate their
donation to an ex.

“Nothing says ‘I've moved on’ like adopting a giant cuddly
cockroach in the name of your favorite ex,”the zoo’s website reads. “When you think
about the detritus of your love life this Valentine’s Day,
consider adopting a Madagascar hissing cockroach for your
ex.”

As part of the deal, those who adopt a cockroach can choose to
send their “gift” to whomever they want – donations start at $24
– and the recipient will be in for quite a surprise. The San
Francisco Zoo will then notify that person of the adoption,
sending them a red Valentine’s Day box complete with little
plastic cockroaches inside.

But what’s Valentine’s Day without choices? The zoo will also
allow people to adopt scorpions if they're interested,
highlighting it as an animal for those who have “fallen prey
to love’s cruel sting.”

“Much like your low-life
ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys
where they dig elaborate burrows or ‘caves,’"thewebsitereads.“Also just like you-know-who, when a
suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed
creature with its pinchers and stings the prey. After the prey is
immobilized, the scorpion tears the carcass apart with its
pinchers and begins feeding. Charming.”

Starting at $50, donations will bag donors (or their former
significant others) a plush scorpion, in addition to a
certificate confirming the adoption.

Unlike other “revenge” websites, however, the money
collected by the zoo actually goes to a good cause. All donations
are used to support the zoo’s efforts to care for the animals and
help boost its mission of raising awareness for conservation and
wildlife.

“And with a little luck,” the zoo added, “this
generous donation will release your bad love life karma so that
you never have to encounter a cockroach again.”