So I need to update more often. Even though, I’m not too sure anyone reads these but whatever.

Everything with my boyfriend is all well and good. I mean…as well and good as it can be. He told me he loved me this week. I’m not exactly sure what to do. I mean…he’s my first boyfriend, we’ve only been dating for two months…I can’t say it yet. I hope he uderstands that. I mean…I’m damn sure he does, but at the same time I’d hate to dissapoint him in some way. I just….can’t. But he really is an awesome guy, he really cares about me and I like that. He bought me flowers just to make me smile…and it did.

In other less happy-ish news…my grandfather’s in the mental hospital. He got the flu awhile ago and I guess it started a landslide that ended in dementia. He can’t function anymore. He won’t drink, eat or even move on his own. They had him take a cognitive test of some point and he had to score a 7 to be allowed to be on his own…he scored a 4. He’s not even legally allowed to drive any more because he just can’t…function. He’s not even that old, and granted he’s unhealthy but still…the amount of time it took him to get this bad was astoundingly fast. I can’t even really stand talking to him anymore, he’s completely unaware of everything.

You know what the worst part of it is? I’m so SO afraid that the same things going to happen to my mom and then eventually me. I mean…it happened to my great grandmother, and its genetic right? I couldn’t stand to see my mom like that, it would kill me. And me personally? I’d rather be dead then be stuck in a nursing home from my 60’s on out. I hate seeing my grandfather like this. I hate it because I can’t do anything and I hate it because it seems like he doesn’t care…I just…hate it…I’m so afraid for him sometimes…

So I’m going home this weekend!! YAY!!! ^_^ I havn’t been home in quite a long time…two months to be exact. I’m excited to see everyone.

Lots of stuff has happened since I last updated. I have a boyfriend now. He’s 25, and the sweetest guy ever. I like him allot, I wish he’d let me pay for stuff sometimes, cus I feel bad that he always pays…but thats something I’ll just have to keep working on.

He’s 6 years older then me…its a little hard to handle at times. Most of the time it doesn’t matter at all. I’m mature and he’s very careful around me…but sometimes I do sorta wish I was going out with someone my own age. Not enough to leave my relationship behind, I mean I REALLY like him and he really likes me and thats all that matters…its just weird sometimes…you know?

Boy called me today. I havn’t actually SPOKEN to him in like 5 months. SUre we talked over AIM, but it was weird to hear his voice. He called completely at random to. We’re gona hang out this weekend I think, hopefully it won’t cause to much angst…I’m commited to my boyfriend and now he has a girlfriend so we should be okay…but still…he’ll always ALWAYS be the boy that could have been…which is difficult. I mean I guess I still like him…thats a lie I DO still like him, but I’ve got to come to grips with the fact that we’ll never ever be together.

I’ve moved on. I’ve got a boyfriend now who I adore and who adores me. Thats all I need.

Its just weird he called me…

mhmm…

yay for angst.

I should finish packing so I can go home…Talk to ya’ll later and I’ll let you know what went on this weekend. yupyup!!

So…I’m bored out of my skull and find myself with more Sean bean pictures then a person should rightfully HAVE. So I figured why not share a few. You know spread the joy/love. He really is a beautiful guy. Rather bad a being married (I believe he’s been divorced 3 times now) but he loves his children, and is a massive Football fan. Or rather Soccer…if you happen to be an American like myself.

Why the hell do we call it soccer anyway…football makes more sense doesn’t it? I mean…you don’t kick the ball all that often in football anyway…you throw it…and what the hell does Soccer mean anyway? Is it a made up word? Can ANYONE answer that question for me? Someone? I’ve played Soccer for years but…no explanation…*shrugs*

So I’m leaving with my dad and Sean tomorrow (Friday) to go on vacation. We’re driving to New York for my aunts birthday. My mom and Bryan are meeting us on Monday at our cabin…place…in Pennsylvania…I think…

I’m all for camping and such I mean the woods are AWESOME and such, but…I still think I’ll be bored out of my skull come Thursday. My dad keeps trying to make me think it’ll all be okay, and I know it will I can entertain myself but the fact the he’s so unsure that I’ll have fun isn’t very reassuring in itself you know?

*Sigh*

I plan on packing my portable DVD player for the 8 hour trip to New York and watching a helluva lot of John Cusack movies. I just rented The Sure Thing, and I’ve been meaning to re-watch Say Anything. I love say anything John Cusack is awesome.

ANYWAY! I spent the day with Nate, Kristen, and Erika. We got Ice cream and then went to a park where I proceeded to chase a squirrel up a tree because I was so tired and bored…and because well thats how I roll. 😉 Erika swears that inside I’m really just a five year old mixed in with a bit of puppy.

What can I say, I’m hyper. *Shrugs*

You know what really helped me get through my last family vacation? My music. Kane really. I love that band, they’re a rocking country band…and for some reason their music makes me feel like…home.

you should all check them out.

Another several music suggestions? The River, by Good Charlotte, along with Dance Floor Anthem and Break apart Her heart also by good charlotte.

So I went to go see Live Free or Die Hard last night at Midnight. It ROCKED!!! No I mean it was truly awesome. Bruce Willis is a Bad Ass and the action is almost Non Stop.

Good stuff man. People were freaking out about the PG13 rating, but really it didn’t make that much of a difference, the movie not being R rated I mean. Cus it was still awesome.

Oh yeah and now I’m in love with Justin Long. I was a little in love with him befor but…now I truely love him. 🙂

He’s so awesome and grungy in this movie…it’s SO HOT!!!!

I also think he’s just plain adorable.

ANYWAY…I think everyone should go see die hard because it was awesome. It kept my attention VERY WELL and that says a lot because once I hit like…midnight I get easily distractable, I mean…I’m ADD….C’mon, not to mention I had an extra large Mountain Dew…yeah…I was practically jumping up and down cus I was so hyper by the end of the movie. although that may not have been the Mountain Dew I act like that ANYWAY…

Anyway…I give this movie two thumbs up cus it was awesome and Bruce Willis rocks. I was watching Over the Hedge the other day with a few of my friends and He’s even awesome when he’s an animated raccoon. Apparently the squirrel and I are quite alike as well…but thats a story for another day. 😉

Now about the boys. Boy, yes the one I’ve been talking about forever…decided to IM me three Minuets before I had to leave for the movie. And he like…wanted to talk. STUPID BOY!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID!!! He only wants to talk when I don’t have TIME dammit!!!

SO, I just went over to boys house to hang out with his sister Isabel. Which was cool, because I love Isabel…but it felt wrong somehow.

She doesn’t know about the whole thing with her brother, unless he were to have told her…which I don’t think he did. But I mean it felt odd to be watching a movie at his house because I know that had I said something (Or had HE said something I’m not ENTIRELY at fault here) then I could have been watching movies at his house for months! But NOOOOOO he has to be to shy…and I’m just plain STUPID.

Damn-it.

I hate boys.

Why can’t I get him out of my head. I think about him ALL the time. Well not ALL the time, thoughts of him don’t RULE my life or anything, but still. Its annoying.

You know what else annoys me? The thought that I’m the only one struggling with this. I mean do I make HIM despondent? Probably not. Although if I learned that I DID make him despondent I would be INCREDIBLY happy.

which is sad.

*Sigh*

You wanna hear something awkward? My gay guy friend has a crush on my straight guy friend…and I don’t know what to do about it.

But I’m not gonna like call and check. So We’ll just assume he’s gone.

I went to a grad party yesterday and both Boy and Liam were there. I was really happy because the last time we had spoken I had said goodbye really quickly and there was really no closure of any sort. Or at least any sort that I had wanted. But yesterday we ACTUALLY said goodbye. He gave me a hug, said he’d still have an Internet connection over the summer so “Don’t worry” and that I’d better come to the shows next year.

And then he was gone.

*Sigh* I proceeded to go over to Michelle and force myself to stop the tears that I knew were coming. I mean who cries at a grad party?? Really that would have been rude.

But it was still sad, and now there’s this feeling of like emptiness because well…he’s gone.

Yes I KNOW I’m melodramatic I’m sorry. He was the first guy that I really liked, that I KNOW liked me back. And I let him slip through my fingers.

Its tragic I tell you. TRAGIC!!!

But I guess its also a part of being a teenager.

At least now I know that I can get a guy to like me.

*Sigh* ANYWAY!!

My grad party is today, that should be interesting. There are alot of people who’ve told me they can’t come, but allot of people who’ve told me they will. I’m not expecting a huge turnout but my mom is…so we’ll see.

I have to deal with the relatives, whom I love don’t get me wrong. But some of them are so insane they deserve their own reality TV show. They make me laugh so it’s all good.

I should go make sure my mom isn’t having an aneurysm over something that isn’t going right…