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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Manic Mom has been an Internet pit-stopfor frenzied moms, non-moms, dads, non-dads,MY mom and dad, drinkers of martinisand all types of lattes, writers, non-writers,friends and family for over two years, andas of today, January 30, 2007,...

100,000 page hits!

Thanks for playing with Manic Mom!I hope to continue to serve up laughsand a little-bit-O-wit!

OK, you've read how I adored High School Musical and really liked Jump In from the Disney Channel. Well, we at House of Manic have a new favorite kid show, and if you haven't seen it, or heard it yet, you obviously don't have children in your home under the age of 10.

Click on the The Naked Brothers Band to watch snippets of this "Mockumentary" documentary about a kid band. The acting will blow you away. Well, it blows me away. Tukey watched it three times today, thanks to On Demand. And they have all been singing the tunes, like Crazy Car, Got No Mojo, and the love ballad, Rosalina. Spend some time over at their website and tell me you don't fall in love with these little guys.

Admittedly, when I first heard it was called The Naked Brothers Band, I was like, "What?" But it's explained in the movie that when the main characters, who are brothers, ages 6 and 9, began their band, they were like really little, and used to run around the house naked.

OK, now I am realizing I am a 37-year-old woman blogging about a Nickelodeon show. WTF? Anyway, it's cute, my kids love it, I love it, and so there you have it!

On another topic-is-sex-in-House-of-Manic conversation this morning, Ajers, Diva, and I were having a conversation (DON'T ASK ME HOW WE GOT STARTED ON THIS SUBJECT) about how a friend of the family had C-sections after her first child was born vaginally because she tore so badly she could not deliver the ala natural way for future pregnancies.

Follow-up conversation:

Diva: "Does she still have the rip?"

Me: "No sweetie, they sewed it up."

Diva: "Was it extra money?"

(No, but I'm sure if her husband asked nice enough, the doctor might have added a stitch or two... bah-dum-dump!)...

That's all folks...

Diet is fine. Haven't cheated. Feeling good and continuing to exercise. Agent is sending out the manuscript. Cabo in four days. Good, good, and good. Hope your week is going well!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Not much to report here these days. Still counting points, eating tons of fiberous beans in order to 'colon-cleanse' the ala natural way. Seems to be working; just don't call me Toilet Clogger kids. Thanks.

And, dear Hubby voted for this suit topand his reasonings were purely male. My breasts didn't stay in place in that top, so I felt mildly uncomfortable, because while I may be a Manic Mom, I don't think I've flashed many folks since Daytona Spring Break, 1988 (and please, dear Clemson frat boys from the next-door balcony, if you have those photos still, I'd love them back!)

And, when I reconsidered florally-red-rose-combo-with-sarongI decided I am just not a florally-red-rose-kinda girl with sheer sarong.

Nope, I'm a busy-pattern-on-top-to-draw-the-eyes-away-from-the-bottom-type swimsuit girl so I am going with this one:

Diva likes it best anyway. And speaking of Diva, have you seen the way, way, way cute suits for little girls? I am living vicariously through her and buying her a bunch of cute little girl suits she can prance around in.

So, thanks everyone for 'WEIGHING' in on your bathing suit choices. I really appreciated it. And I'm still counting those points in the hopes that somehow, miraculously 25 pounds will dissolve in a matter of five days. It's possible right?

OK, so I know that's not going to happen. I am going to Cabo, will indulge in margaritas and fun froofy poolside cocktails, and walk the beach daily in the hopes of simply NOT GAINING while I'm gone (although if I do gain two pounds while I'm there, I won't freak out)... and when I get back, it's right back where I left it, with working out and Weight Watchers because my birthday will be two months away and that is my new goal since I flubbed the 'vacation-weight-loss' goal, we'll try for the 'birthday-weight-loss' goal and if that one doesn't work out, we will shoot for the 'summertime-weight-loss' goal, and after that, it'll be the 'twenty-year-oh-my-God-high-school-reunion-weight-loss' goal!

So, you see, I've got plenty to work for, and hey, maybe I'll even be able to make up a 'first-time-author-signing-novels-weight-loss-goal' sometime in the future too!

Plenty to look forward to! Plenty!

Peace Up (as Tukey so coolly said to his preschool classmate the other day!)... What the heck is Peace Up!?!?

Saturday, January 27, 2007

So, I'm doing some of my web-writing work and I'm writing a Romance Quiz so I'm googling stuff about aphrodisiacs, sex myths, love, etc. Ajers comes in right when a bunch of stuff pops up for SEX MYTHS.

Ajers: "Ooh gross. Mom! Why are you on THAT SITE?"

Me: "Honey that word (sex) is not a bad word, and I need to look up stuff for my work. It has to do with having babies."

Ajers: "So, you need to have 'that' in order to have babies?"

Me: "Yes."

Ajers: "So... You had it THREE times?"

Me: "Well, sometimes you have to do it more than once."

Ajers: "Ugh, you're making me feel like I need to puke." But he's laughing and I'm laughing and I think it's really healthy for us to be talking openly about this because I would hate for him to have questions and not feel comfortable coming to me. So, we're done with "our talk" and Ajers walks out and Tukey hears us laughing about something on the computer.

Tukey: "What? What? What's so funny?"

Ajers: "Trust me, you don't want to know. You can know in four years."

Tukey: "What? What did it say on the computer? Come on, tell me? Balls? Did it say Balls?"

Cuz he thinks "Balls" is the funniest word in the world and the most funny term for a piece of body part. (BTW, they know the term testicles as well, because when AJ was like two and he was potty training, he grabbed onto them once on the toilet and looked up at me and asked, "Mom what are these?" So, I told him. I know, I know, maybe TMI for a two-year-old, but I believe in getting the body parts anatomically correct... And I try to explain to them the other day when he was making penis and ball jokes that it's not something to laugh at and that is one of the most important parts of their bodies.)

Friday, January 26, 2007

It is 8:30 p.m. on Thursday, January 25, 2007 and I cannot access my Internet! For like the past six hours it has been down. So, now I’m blogging and will post this in the morning after the dear, darling, most wonderful Comcast employee comes to my house to fix it.

Anyway, lots of stuff going on, so where to start?

I went to my Windy City Romance Writers of America meeting last night (which, BTW, I do not write Romance, but it’s OK, I can still be a member). We were supposed to view The Secret Laws of Attraction but the stupid DVD player at the library would not work so instead those who had seen it discussed it and I listened.

Basically, it is about visualizing what you want, and believing in it so much that you will get it. And being positive and being surrounded by positive people. There are some negative people in my life, and while I love them, it’s hard sometimes to be around the negativity. Nothing good comes out of negativity (see previous posts of me bitching about my weight and the bathing suit fiasco—was I negative or WHAT?!) And what did that get me? NOTHING! So, I am going to be positive now.

I am positively in need of losing some weight.

Ha, that was funny, wasn’t it?

Anyway, on to the weight factor. By the time you read this, it may be Friday, or over the weekend or even Monday so for the sake of a timeline, I went to Weight Watchers on Thursday, and weighed in.

Two-point-eight pounds down.

2.8…

In six days. Including the lovely lunch I had at PFChangs on Saturday.

So, see, it does work; I know it does. I just didn’t get on the bandwagon soon enough prior to Cabo, but oh well, whatcha gonna do?

And I bought some bathingsuit items which I am going to post below (if my damn Internet connection ever starts up again!) and I want you guys to help me out; details at the end of the post.

Back to the visualizing and positive thinking. The meeting last night – one of the speakers was giving examples of the positive thinking and believing in getting what you want if you believe in yourself, and be specific to your wants.

For instance, I spoke up, and said, “Sometimes at the bookstore, I will go to the fiction section and find the EXACT SPOT my book will someday be shelved.”

“Yes! That’s what we’re talking about! The positive visualization! But you NEED to be SPECIFIC!”

So, I was thinking, OK, I can be specific. And I created a mantra for myself and I told myself: “I will sell 40 Weeks to XYZ Publishing house.” (I inserted the real name of this particular publishing house, but for reasons you’ll discover later, I cannot disclose this publishing house.)

So, I told myself this all night long, and all morning long: “I will sell 40 Weeks to XYZ Publishing house.” Like 50 or 60 times I tell myself this, and I start to get really excited about it, feeling like, OK, if I think it, it WILL happen. AKA “If you build it they will come.”

I get home, and this is when my Internet and email was up and running, and I see that my agent (ooooh, I so much love saying that!) has sent me an email.

I open it. And discover…

XYZ has contacted her…

And has rejected my novel!

Hahahahahahah – so basically, I’m getting the EXACT OPPOSITE of this The Secret Laws of Attraction.

What I wished for, the exact opposite happened. With the exact same publishing house I had been dreaming of!

I just have to laugh and wonder why?

Oh well, I am not discouraged, they had very nice, wonderful, positive (see, there’s that word again!) things to say about my writing, and the characters and the novel, so I will keep my spirits up!

And speaking of spirits… I bathing-suit shopped again today. I have discovered that it’s not the cut or style or color of the current suits out there. It’s me. It’s my body, and it needs to be in a different shape. So, I chose a few of the least horrible suits, and would like you all to decide which to keep, which to return…

Cast your votes! I am keeping the shorts, that's a given, so I guess you just need to vote on which halter top you like most! Thanks! (I feel like my suits are on American Idol! Cast those votes now!)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

You know, you stick to your diet a few days, get a little bit of confidence up, decide you've only got 11 days till Cabo so you might as well use the time that's on your side and you go to the mall.

You get into the store, and you've chosen the high-end mall, with the upscale department stores, because surely, they've got a better selection, and staff that will tell you what suit would be best 'suited' for your figure.

I kinda get the hives when I walk into those stores, the ones where all the staff is wearing black, there is an espresso bar, a cafe, a full-time-benefits-included piano player, made-up women flashing their crystal bottles of perfume, which I dodge because I get a headache just from the thought of the flowery smells of perfume.

Everybody shopping is done up. I mean, totally done up to go shopping. It's like they plan their whole day around which department stores to target (Oh, don't say TARGET around THEM!). Like women with their hair totally done up, with tights on and boots, and designer handbags out shopping for more designer handbags. WTF?

If there's ever a place I feel totally OUT of place, it's these types of stores. I just want in. I just want out. I just want a bathingsuit that doesn't scream: LOOK AT THIS THIRTY-SEVEN-AND-A-HALF-YEAR-OLD BODY WHICH HAS BIRTHED THREE CHILDREN, ONE VIA C-SECTION WITH A LOVELY SCAR, AND YOU TELL HER WHAT TO TRY ON!

And the lights. And the space. They do not make it pleasant to shop for clothing. Plus, you know there's some employee in a back room pointing to the video monitor and calling the others over, saying, "Hey, we got a live one here! Check out those granny panties on her! Hey - She should NOT even bother trying on THAT SUIT!"

I grab some suits, nothing that really looks like it will be doing miracles for me, not even the MIRACLE SUITS I grab. Armed with about 15 for the first round, I head toward the dressing room, taking in yoga breaths, in and out from the nose. I am calm. I am OK. I can do this.

Thankfully, the dressing room is dimly lit; I think that is a kind thing for the store to do. BTW, don't you hate it when you get that hair static cling thing going when you take off your shirt and you have to then spit into your hand a little to tame down your hair. Happens to me all of the time.

I strip down to the grannies with my eyes closed, and the whole while I'm thinking, "I love my body. It's not so bad. Look what my body has done... I have three beautiful children, it hasn't been for wont. It has been used, but used to do good, to make children who are kind and loving, and they don't care that I've got chubby hips or thighs that are just too close to one another. The back-fat doesn't bother them. Nor my husband. Nobody cares but me. I love my body. I love it, I love it, I love it!"

I HATE MY BODY.

And here I was, totally prepared to pay top dollar for once in my life, ready to shell out $100 or even $200 if I could find a suit that would accentuate my accentables and camoflague my imperfections.

Did I find one?

Go ahead, you can answer this one...

NO.

How many stores did I hit? Let's see... Macy's, Lord and Taylor, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, Sears. Top of the line, right? And nothing.

Since I'm blogging this early because I'm going to my RWA meeting tonight, I'll just tell you what I'll be eating later...

Bruschetta and pasta, and I'll make the amount come to two cups of pasta for 6 points, and probably three pieces of the bruschetta for 6 points so that should bring me up to 20 points, so I have five-points to fudge with.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Haven't been to yoga in a week so I went today and I really have missed it. I have decided that I need it more than just once a week. It soothed me, and that's a good thing since this is the time of year where I can slip into a depression like one slips on an iceslick after a snowstorm, breaking one's back and needing constant care and attention to be nursed back to health, not that that's ever happened to me, but, I could break, at any time.

But, the depression is at a minimum since I have Cabo to look forward to, which I'm really not looking quite forward to yet. Not until I go out and find that gut-sucking-boob-lifting-shoulder-smoothing-back-fat-disguising-one-hundred-plus-dollar bathing suit that I know is just out there waiting for me.

I may actually purchase a bathing suit that will cost more than all the handbags I possess totalled. I want to sit in a room and have a personal expert shopper bring me suits that she knows will work with my body, while I sit there sipping on some iced tea, waiting ever-so-patiently.

Wouldn't that be nice?

In the meantime, I'm not calling it a diet anymore since I am not having any cravings or desires to knock off a Krispy Kreme or a Domino's. It's really easy. Just write down the stuff you eat. And plan accordingly. Like today, I knew I was going to Applebee's for dinner. I rationed out my points.

I had a yogurt and granola this a.m. for 3.5 points.PopcornNonfatcinnamondolcelatte, in whichI requested NO whip, but she accidentally put it on there.

"Is there whip cream on this?" I asked."Yes, didn't you want it?" she said."No, but keep it on. I'll considered it a gift," and it was.

I then had an appleApplebee's WW onion soup and the Cobb Salad, which wasn't all that great, but it was veggies, and it was filling.

Monday, January 22, 2007

So, the diet is going along fine. I don't find myself having crazy cravings, or being too bitchy late in the day. I am not consumed with having pizza and french fries. I would just like to see some results on the scale this week.

As for the exercising part--I haven't worked out since THURSDAY. I usually take the weekends off, even though I was maybe going to do a class last Saturday that didn't happen, and yoga didn't happen today because Tukey wasn't feeling well. He's fine though.

And, a big, huge, way-to-go congrats to MY SISTER, who secretly started WW and lost a WHOPPING 4.6 pounds her first week! S, I am soooo proud of you! 143

Now, another topic that has been making me wonder today. A very nice reader of MM had made a comment regarding not having children, so she and I began corresponding a little and she does not have the urge to have children. She is married, and her husband also feels this way. This totally intrigues me, I always want to know the WHYs of the choice of not having a family. She brought up an interesting point. How come if someone says, "I don't like chicken liver," no one asks, "Why don't you like chicken liver? How could you not like chicken liver? How could you not want to bring a cute, adorable chicken liver into the world someday?" (OK, that last comment was a joke, and my reader pal said she is NOT comparing children to livers.)

Pretty much most of you or all of you know I adore author Emily Giffin, who wrote Baby Proof, which tackles this very subject when the couple marries, knowing they do not want to have kids, and then, one of them changes their mind during the marriage. I read the book, trying to understand. I should probably read it again.

When I was a sophomore in college, I wrote a paper for a class called, The Baby Blahs, in which I proclaimed that I was never going to have children. I was adamant, determined, for-sure certain that I didn't want to be a mother, ever. I was never maternal, never oogled the babies, begged to hold it longer than necessary, didn't rush to change a diaper. I was just not into it. Of course, I think that all changed once I fell in love and got married, but even then, Hubby was ready far sooner than I was.

Why is it the norm to automatically question people who don't want children, to think of them as selfish, to think of them as wrong? Is it because we who have children know how much they add to our lives, how much a tiny finger grip the day they are born can light up the insides of their parents' hearts? Do we know for certain that if that person who didn't want a child HAD a child, they would automatically say, "Oh my God, why did I think I didn't want this in my life?"

Yes, not choosing to have children does alleviate a huge amount of heartache, of pain, worry, sadness, but so far in the nine years I've been a parent, and God-willing for the next however many years I am blessed to parent my children, the good has greatly outweighed the bad. To me, personally, there is no bad. There are hard times, sleepless nights, sore bodies, sick children, whiny brats, demanding demands, and if I only counted how many times I've been asked to get something or do something or say something or something something. Yes, it's tiring. Yes, I love alone time. But I don't love my alone time that much to make it a permanent in my life.

I'm not judging others who do not want children, I am just trying to speculate and understand. I guess with the chicken liver, you don't have to want it or eat it. But with having a child, it seems that that's what our bodies are made to do, so to me, it just seems like the natural step in progression. I am probably talking in circles and not making much sense, but as I said, this is such an intriguing topic to me.

I'd really like to hear what you all think. Are you a mother? Are you a father? A woman desperate for a child? A man who never wants to have a family? A woman who had an abortion but regretted it? A woman who gave a child up for adoption? A woman who wishes she had never gotten pregnant. A woman who never wants to have a baby? A man who wants more kids but whose wife does not? There are all types of people out there, and each one of you has something to say. I'd like to know what you think.

Please, enlighten me!

And again, to M, thank you for making me think about this very unique topic!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

When I was in like eighth grade, my best friend and I had these little calendar books we called our "Day Books." Each day we would rate it like a letter grade, with plusses and minuses, or extra Fs or extra plusses attached to the A if it was a really exceptional day.

Today was an A+ kind of day. On all counts.

I seriously think I needed a day like today. It was like a Thelma and Louise day with friends, although without driving over a cliff and getting a hot Brad Pitt look-a-like sequestered into a hotel with us. (I never did see that movie, but these are the things I think were in it).

So, a few girlfriends and I had plans to drive out to this one place to see our other friend who works at a place that is like an antiquey place. These girlfriends are like the only ones in my neighborhood who know I am also Manic Mom. Not a lot of the neighbors know this about me. And I wonder what would they say. It's not like I'm hiding it, but I really kind of keep the writing part of my life pretty personal. Anyone who was bored enough to Google me would find my alter-ego. But anyway, we had made plans to spend the day together, doing girl stuff.

But first, the day started with me sleeping in and missing the strength training class I had somehow convinced myself last night that I was going to take at 8 a.m.

So what. I missed it. You'll see by reading this post that my attitude has done a complete 180 since this time yesterday. Which makes me wonder if maybe I really am manic or bi-polar. Because today was a really great day. Even though I missed working out, and didn't count points today.

WHAT!?!? Day Six and I've already screwed up the Cabo-Diet you ask? Nah, I didn't screw it up, but if you don't let yourself enjoy life, then it's gonna suck. And I didn't feel like being sucky today.

So, there's a elementary basketball game we all attend because, well, we all have kids on the team, and I really love watching Ajers play. I think it's his sport. I like watching him play baseball, can't stand watching him play football (because really, you can't see the kid, it's hard to keep track of where he is, and it's usually cold, muddy, rainy, snowy or all of the above at a football game. Maybe if it became an indoor sport I might like it better.

So, the boys win the game, and we girls suggest the dads take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese as we are saying our goodbyes and heading out for a day of lunching and shopping.

But first, we have to go get a Starbucks, because what's a girl's day out without a cute little latte to carry around on our expedition? Just not the same. So, we get our coffee, and I won't bore you with the details about how Homecoming Queen has no clue how to order a coffee, and she's sitting there chit-chatting with the neighbors who are all in there, and misses the call for her drink because she didn't know that going to Starbucks is like going to the Soup Nazi in that you have to keep moving and go to the pick-up section to get your coffee. So, when she's done chit-chatting, she's like "Where's my coffee?" Duh. Someone else took it. So, we wait for another one. In the meantime, Hot Five-O Babe, aka J.Lo gets a green tea that tastes weird so she exchanges it for an iced coffee, and I almost forget to pay for my latte, and when I realize I hadn't paid, I just tell the cashier girl to put it on Homecoming Queen's order.

That task complete, we all get into the car and J.Lo Hot Five-O Babe has her video camera in her purse because she brought it to the basketball game so we start taking videos, and Homecoming Queen hams it up, because, well, because she's a Homecoming Queen -- ha, just kidding but I know she'll read this and yell out loud to the computer screen: NO I WAS NOT! So, it's kind of a joke.

Then we get to PF Chang's and have a great lunch. It could have been a great lunch had it been at McDonald's because we were without kids (and hey, by the way, who out there knows you can order GRILLED CHEESE HAPPY MEALS at McD's for the kids?) See how much you learn? Found this out from my other good friend, who I will christen for the sake of this post, Queen Mickey D. Like that Patty? Hee hee.

So, then we go to PF Changs for lunch and up until I just found the website like two minutes ago and read the nutrition facts, I had thought the food we ate wasn't too bad. Oh no. The fat grams and calories in some of the dishes are worth about a week of points for some. Not good of me to check the info. But whatcha gonna do? So, we had Swezchwan (spelled wrong, I don't care) Scallops, Mongolian Beef, Orange Peel Chicken, and some other stuff, and it was all fab, and the iced tea is even incredible, and the atmosphere was great, and the company was splendid. No kids, no husbands, no pressure, no stress. Just friends. And I so needed that today.

Then, we did a little shopping at our friend's store, and then hit Pier One, and smelled all the candles, and oogled all the cutesy things and felt all the pillows, and laughed and were just happy to be out and be someone other than someone's mother.

Stop right there.

I LOOOOOVE being a mom. I love my kids. I adore them. They are great kids, they are sweet kids. In fact, when I arrived home, Diva had a beautiful picture for me and on the outside of the envelope, she had written: FOR MY DARLING CUPCAKE. So, I love them, but sometimes it's just refreshing, recharging to get out there and be a friend, a lady person, a diner, or a shopper just for a while. It's calming. It's good for the soul to remember who you once were before so many little cutie pies came to depend on me.

Does that make me rotten?

If so, then deciding at the last minute to head to the movies to see Freedom Writers with Homecoming Queen might just give me an award for rotten mom. Nah, I deserve it, and I certainly feel no guilt for my Mom's Day Off. And the movie was SOOOO GOOOOD! I didn't know much about it other than Hillary Swank and Swoony Patrick Dempsey are in it and it is about some inner-city kids who learn from their teacher. It's kind of like a Mr. Opus ... Mr. Opus's what... Hollandaise sauce? I forgot what that movie was called. Great movie, though, Freedom Writers, and now I want to read the book. Have you read it, seen it?

So, sleeping in, lattes, lunch, laughter, little bit of shopping, and then a movie, Oh, and a two-point glass of wine when we got home... pretty great day.

And my gal pals convinced me NOT to get a Target bathingsuit, but to spend the extra money to get a more supportive piece of swimming attire so that I will feel comfortable and relaxed on my vacation. They're right, they're absolutely right.

And, for the points factor today, not a biggie. It's the weekend, I'm more lenient on the weekend, I'm not beating myself up over anything, I know I went over, but I never count my exercise points, and you always get 35 extra points to play with throughout the week, but in keeping with consistency, here is what I ate today:

apple.latte.PF Changs.My special concoction of Smart Pop popcorn I smuggle into the theater mixed with a little bit of regular movie popcorn.One lemon WW snack cake.Seriously, two-to-three ounces of Chardonnay (and that's only because that's the amount that was left in the bottle.)

** Addendum--somehow I completely forgot about the small cup of ice cream I also ate! **

How can one go from completely depressed and blah to the point of me not wanting to be around MYSELF yesterday, to the happy, cheery person I am right now. Manic that's how. Totally, utterly, and completely Manic.

Friday, January 19, 2007

I am so completely bummed out right now, it’s not even funny. And don’t laugh like Swishy did when I told her I gained and she asked me how much and I told her .2 of a pound, because THAT IS STILL A GAIN, and I thought for sure I should have lost three pounds this week. For one, last week I weighed in late in the day. For two, I totally was starting my period that day. For three, I did so GD good this week, AND DIDN’T EVEN CHEAT. For four, I totally am committed to exercise and have been going to the gym RELIGIOUSLY at least 3-6 times a week since I joined IN THE BEGINNING OF NOVEMBER.

And what do I get?

Bullshit.

I am so depressed I feel like grabbing the largest, frickingest, chocolatey-est chocolate cake and just stuffing my face into it and eating it like Ralphie’s brother ate his mashed potatoes in A Christmas Story.

What is the point?

And don’t try to tell me I’m gaining muscle cuz I DON’T WANT MUSCLE. I am a whiny bitch right now and if you’re going to get mad at me for whining, please don’t read any further. It is making me feel better to bitch and gripe and rant about this. And in doing so, at least I’m not in the kitchen looking for that big ole fat piece of cake.

Or Tim Tams! I know where I can find a package of them. They would fill up this emptiness that is MY DIET THAT IS NOT WORKING.

Things are sucky.

So, I am now expecting Agent to call me and just tell me that not only am I fat, but everybody hates the book. Well, they don’t ‘hate’ the book. They ‘love’ the book. They are just not ‘in love’ with the book, so everybody is going to pass on it, and I should maybe just start writing a book on how fat I am.

OK, I know I’m not ‘FAT’ but I feel it, and if I feel it, then I am depressed, and if I’m depressed, what makes me feel better?

What is the point of working so hard and getting the opposite of ANY RESULTS AT ALL?

My husband loves me. He doesn’t care. I’m not doing this for him. I’m doing it for me. I’ve done it for me before, after I had Tukey. I lost 60 pounds, but now I am starting to think that a lot of that was baby weight and maybe I hadn’t done so well on the program as I thought.

And last year, I was *diagnosed* with thyroid disease, which to me, just means you (not YOU you, if there's any of YOU out there with this disease, just hypothetically YOU) are a sluggish pig and you need to take some synthroid stuff so you don’t continue to be a sluggish pig. Well, listen up there synthroid-makers: THE SHIT ISN’T MAKING ME LESS OF A SLUGGISH PIG! But now, I do believe that the whole thyroid crap has something to do with weight/metabolism/my burning desire to inhale a double-layered-with-fudge-inside-it-chocolate-cake.

Thyroid, Schmyroid. Where the fuck are those colon pills?

An hour or so later…

OK, I am not as ranting as I was previously, and I hope you all don’t think I am a mad-raving-self-serving-bitch who shouldn’t complain, because I already know this! I know I am making more out of it than I should. I know I am doing the right things that need to be done to live a healthier lifestyle, making better eating choices, and exercising more.

I know all this.

I just wish liposuction wasn’t so damned expensive.

OK, you see me. It’s like there’s two sides of me. One who knows, and one who doesn’t. I don’t know which one to like?

Anyway, enough of this pathetic rant. This setback has just motivated me more to stick with it through the weekend, through next week, until the blasted scale and I meet again.

But I will tell you this: If I do as well as I’ve done the past four days, and if I don’t have AT LEAST a four-pound drop, I am going to be one pissed off Manic Mom.

Seriously. Pissed. Off.

More later when I catalog my day’s food, which I promise you, will not include that decadent cake I want to fall face-first into.

~~~~~

It is now 7:19 p.m.

Sorry I was a crabby bitch this afternoon. Hubby is probably glad he's not home yet. He did email me today to 'turn that frown upside-down' and told me I was beautiful.

Today's Menu:

5 points -- 1/2 can of soup and a handful of oyster crackers1 point -- grapes (see, taking the fruit advice!)1 point -- popcorn5 points -- ate the last bites out of the butter/parm noodles I made for the boys. Could have been a lot worse, as someone said in the comments, eating a plate of pasta just FEEEEELS SO GOOD. However, I let myself eat these noodles, which probably amounted to 25 or 30 noodles, because I knew I had the points to spare today.

4 points -- My TWO Hebrew National FF hotdogs in Healthy Life buns as I predicted I would have for dinner in yesterday's post. Add ketchup and mustard and you feel like you're at the ballpark.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

It's like I have my very own personal trainers here at Manic Mom with all the awesome suggestions and support you all are offering!

Thank you!

Particularly, some of my favorite suggestions have included a "friend-of-a-friend-you-know-who-you-are" who suggested some Colon Blow! Ha Ha! Remember that SNL skit? If not, quit reading Manic Mom cuz you are too dang young to be here then! But seriously, a reader suggested some colon cleansing pills, and while I'm certainly not above that, I know some of you are chomping at the bit to tell me NOT TO DO THAT!

Well, let me tell you; I've had a colonoscopy before, and had I known there was a COLON-CLEANSING pill out there, I wouldn't have drank/drunk? that god-awful cherry-flavored crap in the first place!

So, while colon-cleansing pills might be a little extreme, they are definitely not being discounted at this point! Let's see how the weigh-in tomorrow goes.

I did do the 'dreadmill' today, for two miles, but of course, this gets me nowhere near S's suggestion of four hours of cardio a week. However, I have been viewing this video and perfecting the dance moves on it, so who knows, I might just get there. Cuz how can you not want to dance (or vomit -- it's one or the other) when you see this cute young thang do his thang ya'll? Mmmm mmmm, who needs dessert when you got Corbin Bleu?!

And speaking of dessert, let's talk about the food I ate today. I stayed within my points but any dietician or nutritionist would probably be annoyed with my choices today. I'm not perfect folks! I am not one to gnaw on a celery stick just because it's there. I NEED MY SUGARY STUFF. I even, dare I admit it, had a diet Coke today. It tasted good, but now, after I drink one, my mouth tastes all gummy and just pasty-yucky, like I need to hawk a big one up and just spit out all that splenda or nutrasweet and caramel color 99 or whatever that other stuff is they load them drinks with.

Today's menu, in order of consumption...

10 a.m. - Lemon WW snack cake - 1 point

noon - two mac 'n' cheese bites stolen from Tukey - 2 points

2 p.m. - cinnamon dolce latte - 2 points

one of those 100 calorie cookie snack packs - 2 points (pared/paired lovely with the latte, a very nice combo, I must say!)

4 p.m. - had another lemon WW snack cake - 1 point

Some apple - 1 point...

Now, we get to the best part. I knew what I was planning for dinner since last night so I made sure I had plenty of points to enjoy. I made BLTs. I didn't eat one BLT. I ate TWO BLTs. Let me explain how this trick here works. So, up until now, I've had 9 points all day (I know, I know, I've heard it all before, so don't waste your time, I'm aware it's not healthy to eat this way, but this is how I eat.)...

So, with 9 down, and a whopping 16 to spare, I did what any normal point-counter would do...

I had four pieces of Wonder Kids bread for 1 point each totalling (I love THIS kind of math): 4 points.

I buy the Oscar Mayer center cut bacon which offers the point-counter TWO SLICES of bacon for 1 point, rather than the 1-point-per-1-slice regular bacon. So, I put five, yes FIVE slices on each sandwich, plus, I ate two more just because.

This then totals 10 points.

Two huge, yummy, very filling bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches, sans mayo, cuz you don't need the mayo when you have tomatoes oozing out of the bread. You just don't.

Then, I also had 2 ounces of light cheddar chips, which is actually quite a lot, for 2 ounces, because you can't have a BLT without chips, now can you?

Total for dinner: 12 points.

Then I had me an ole Mint Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich for dessert.

And here I am. It's 11:17 p.m. I am not hungry. I am drinking water. I am achy from the weight-training class yesterday and the treadmill today, and I will be weighing in tomorrow, 10 a.m.

I also know what I'm eating for dinner tomorrow night, and if I want to, I could very conceivably eat three of them, as they are only two points each: a Hebrew National Fat Free hot dog in an extra fiber Healthy Life bun for TWO POINTS. I COULD EAT THREE OF THEM FOR SIX POINTS AND STILL HAVE ENOUGH LEFT OVER FOR...lots of little yummy treats!

OK everybody, let me have it! I love that you all are giving me good, fun, solid, supportive advice! This is seriously better, cheaper, and loads more fun than having a personal trainer! (Unless, of course, the personal trainer had a rock-hard bod and a penchant for slighty chub Manic Moms!)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

OK, I've made it 'almost' through Day Three. I think it's getting easier. First off, let me just say I did go to bed early last night, but when I woke up, I was still exhausted and was thisclose to blowing off the health club today (isn't 'health club' just a nicer way of saying 'gym?' I hate the word gym).

But, Tukey had a swim date while I was going to work out so I had to go, and once I was in the room, pumping iron (OK, so it was a five-pound iron, but it WAS made of iron!), I started to get into it. I think I even know how to do a squat right now! And the music... well, anyone who knows me knows whenever we are out and there's a DJ to be had, and I don't mean in THAT 'had' sense, then I want to hear Dee-Light's Groove is in the Heart. Well, that was like song number two in the pump-iron-get-fit workout today. And then, EVERYBODY DANCE NOW came on, and of course, any time, any where I am and I hear ANY song they played at my wedding, I tend to kind of just shout out, "HEY! They played this song at my wedding!" Anyway, it was a good workout; I can't wait until I am unable to get out of bed tomorrow morning because I DON'T HAVE TO! I can stay in bed and snuggle with Tukey until noon if we want, because I am not going to the health club until 12:30 tomorrow. I am sooo loving my little get-in-shape-in-19-days-or-less-OR-ELSE routine.

But of course, dear friend S, who you may remember from way back when this little episode occurred, has informed me that I need to do at least four hours of cardio a week. And well, although I am working out probably 5-7 hours a week, I'm getting very limited cardio. But, when I WAS getting four or more hours of cardio a week in, NOTHING WAS HAPPENING! But I do appreciate very truly S's advice, and she's a great friend, a life-long friend who helped me survive this part of the episode.

I don't know why, but whenever I think of my blog posts, the previous one always haunts me. I just don't get it.

Anyhoo, food intake today, not so bad. I started off with an apple, you know, to get the doctor away, to jive up the digestive tract, and get things moving. Then I went to the fitness strength training class, and afterward, I had a nonfatsugarfreevanillalatte, extra hot, no whip, along with one of my luscious WW double chocolate chip muffins for a grand old six points:

apple - 1 pointlatte - 2 pointsmuffin - 3 points

Then, and I know this is not a smart thing to do, I starved myself for the rest of the afternoon. No, of course I DID NOT STARVE MYSELF! I just wasn't really hungry. I was jazzed up from the coffee, I had a couple hours to myself to work on my editing job, and I just didn't feel like eating.

Then, after school, Tukey and I colored while I shoveled in the popcorn, and laughed at myself at how disgustingly I eat it. I really should do a youtube video of eating popcorn, but I bet someone else has already done that. I bet I'm grosser though.

And, the key to my dieting success is to

PLAN AHEAD!

KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO EAT FOR DINNER!

MAP OUT YOUR POINTS, and as one of Manic Mom's fine readers asks, "How do you figure out points for your food?"

~~*Well, Violet, there's a book you get when you sign up, and then there's this slider-scale and you have to actually do some sort of mathy-type things to calculate the fat grams combined with the calories, keeping note of the quantity and how much fiber is in the food item. Got it? If not, and if you're looking for a specific food item, let me know! It's hard, but after being on the program since 2001, when I lost 60 pounds (have since gained back, GAG, 25-30), some things just kind of stick in your head and I know the point counts of lots of foods.*~~

So, all day long, I thought about dinner. What would I eat? How much of it would I consume? Would it be worth waiting all day long for?

And yes, it was, and yes, I made it myself, and yes, it was filling and yummy, and this is what I made:

Whole-wheat angel hair pasta (I had 2-1/2 cups which is a HUGE amount - and I like angel hair because I think you can stuff more into the measuring cup. With penne or corkscrews, I think there's a lot of wasted food space if you're measuring it)... so that much was like, 8 points. I always like to round up if I'm not too sure, but one cup is 3 points.

Then I roasted cherry tomatoes and garlic, then sauteed it, and added basil, a minimal amount of pinenuts, and some parmasan cheese.

ADDENDUM TO ORIGINAL POST: HOW COULD I FORGET THE BEST INGREDIENT??? I also put lump crabmeat in this awesome pasta dish, which equalled about 1.5 points for the crabmeat. It was delicious!

The whole huge plate full was about 12 points and I think I'm weighing in on the heavy side for that.

So, at the time of this posting, it is 8:13 p.m. and I've still got 6 points left, so I think I will have one of those chocolate chip cookie dough Smart One sundaes for dessert, then I will go to bed.

Post-script: I haven't spoken much of 'the agent' for the jinx factor I subscribe to, but I just have to say, I HEART HER already! She has already sent the manuscript to four publishing houses and we've gotten our first feedback which was pretty positive, but the type of novel is not right for their publishing list... just another hoop to jump through, and she's helping me to jump!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

OK, in order for me to stay focused, you're getting Day One through Day 18 or 19, however many days till Cabo. Of course, if any of the darlings say something that splits my heart full of love, I'll post those stories too, and, if I say screw it and inhale the whole package of Tim Tams, plus a large order of McDonald's fries, and a QP No cheese, ketchup only, you'll also be the first to know.

Started off the day with some fitness yoga, and then headed to Target, where Tukey enjoyed an Otis Spunkenwhoever chocolate chip muffin and a slurpee, while I, on the 'counting-points' other hand, was able to enjoy a nonfatsugarfreecinnamondolcelattenowhipbutsprinkleonthecinnamonplease,grande size for about 3 points and a WW Double Chocolate Chip muffin for 3 points.

I was hoping to have something left over, and if I really counted the exercise, I could have a Skinny Cow ice cream, but it's 8:17 p.m. and I think I'll just call it a night.

25 points today total. That's my limit.

Oh, forgot to mention that if you're ever watching what you eat 18 days before going on a trip to Cabo, and you need some incentive to stay on your healthy-lower-fat-eating plan, simply grab a couple bathing suits off the rack at Target, and try 'em on.

That did the trick, and kept me on track and away from indulging on junk today.

Oh, and don't tell me I didn't eat the right things, and I should have had breakfast (I was sleeping during breakfast hours, otherwise I would have had an apple or oatmeal!), that I hadn't eaten enough throughout the day... Oh hell, what do I know, tell me what to do! Please, tell me!

Didn't get to fitness yoga today because kids were home and I had to host playgroups, take kids to playgroups, clean up mess from Jump In party, vacuum, and also shovel snow, so I am counting the vacuuming and shoveling as exercise.

Total points: 23

(I'm allowed 25 with the new system they have, but I really think it should be 24)

ALSO, for my writing resolution, which Swishy has agreed to do as well, we are setting a goal of writing 5,000 words a week, starting Mondays and ending Sunday evenings. I banged out 1,200 words tonight for the sequel to 40 Weeks. Of course, most of it makes no sense, some of it sucks incredibly much, but this is how the process works for me. I spit it out. Let it simmer. Clean up the mess. Work some more.

So, that's all for Day One.

Nineteen more days to a thinner/less bloated/toner/firmer happier me. And then 26 more days till I'm back where I was.

And I have to go to bed because I am freaking starving right now and I know where there's a particularly lonely package of frozen Tim Tams hidden in the freezer.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I need a plan. An extreme plan. A plan that will allow me to lose 10 pounds in 20 days, even though I know I need to lose more; I'm just picking a number that sounds like a reasonable amount to be able to lose in that short amount of time.

I do this every single time a major event arrives. Like my brother's wedding, last July. You know, the one where my other brother got arrested the night before? Yeah, that one? Well, about three months before the wedding, I say to myself, "Oh good. I have three months to lose weight. No problem. I can do it."

But then, things in life get in the way. Like margaritas on the deck on Friday afternoons in the summer, or Pool Boys by the pool on Saturday afternoons. Or neighborhood BBQs, and crisp bottles of un-oaked Chardonnay, and the next thing you know, I've got like two weeks to lose the weight I had planned on losing two months previous.

And it's happened again. Twenty days. I have to lose ten pounds in twenty days. Can I do it? Aside from duct-taping my mouth, I'm not so sure. If someone could just come up with a menu for me, I could follow it. If someone could just make me whatever I'm supposed to eat with however many calories in each meal in order to lose weight, I would do it.

Let's see, I could eat an apple for breakfast every day. Or a bowl of oatmeal with granola for breakfast. Lunches are pretty easy too. I can weigh my meat (get your heads out of the gutter please), and eat two slices of one-point bread, and a slice of cheese and a tomato for like six points. I could also eat an ounce or two of Light Cheddar Chips (which are really, really good!).

Maybe if I just forced myself to eat a Lean Cuisine or Weight Watcher meal every night and not make any social plans for the next few weeks, it might be possible.

Microwave popcorn, Smart-Pop Orville Red is always a good way to get quantity. I'm all about the quantity, the crunch, the feeling of being filled up. When I eat popcorn, I go a little crazy. It's not very polite or feminine either. I shove the popped kernels in so fast you'd think I was a Survivor contestant who'd just won a bag for competing in a challenge. Of course, I'd never last on Survivor, not one hour. I am convinced of that. So, maybe it's not like I'm a Survivor contestant.

I don't know.

What I do know is that last week I worked out A LOT and I enjoyed it. I think I've found a weekly routine that might work for me.

This is what I did:

Monday: Fitness YogaTuesday: Treadmill, two milesWednesday: A Strength Fitness class that kicked my ass.Thursday: Treadmill, two miles (gotta love being able to watch Maury during a nice workout!)Friday: Fitness Yoga

It was a great week cuz I mixed it up, did something different every day so I wasn't bored. So, my plan up until our Cabo trip is to work out 15 times in these 20 days. M-F, no excuses. And to stick to my Weight Watcher points. (I went back on Friday, and while it was a not-good number that blared on the scale, it was the same number as it was in November, which meant I got through the holidays without gaining.)

But still. That is hardly enough to make me feel good about getting into a bathingsuit in twenty days.

The only other thing I can think of is to .... Nah, I was going to write something mean about finding someone bigger than me to sit next to by the pool, but then I decided not to because that is just mean. And I try not to be a mean person.

Oh, I guess I just said that.

But, I guess it's OK because I'm just talking about a hypothetical fat person and not a real fat person, right?

Never mind. Tomorrow, it's for real. So, what to do now?

I'm headed to the fridge to grab the last of Ramblin's Tim Tams! Yes, can you believe it; I still have the caramel ones!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Well, tonight's a big night! Because The Disney Channel is premiering their new original movie, Jump In, which I am predicting to be a big hit too!

So, what does a Manic Mom with a Diva do when a new fun Disney Channel movie premieres? She throws a party! Tonight, Diva is having about 18 girls from her Brownie troop and the 'hood over for a JUMP IN "late-over" party, complete with popcorn, pretzels, pop, and pizza! And Diva and I went to the dollar store and bought jump ropes for everyone! (The movie is about a jump-rope team, in case you don't know.)

You should see the invitations I made - they are soooo cute! I want to be seven again! The girls will wear their PJs and bringing a pillow, blanket and their favorite stuffed animal or doll.

And the best thing? They go home at 9.

I am already singing the song they play on The Disney Channel for the movie:Push it! Push it! To the limit!...

OK, so I am seven. Not thirty-seven.

Anyway, I can't wait!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And thanks for all the great thoughts about me landing my "already-awesome-had-for-two-days agent." More to come, but I don't like to speculate on things until they happen, and I am a firm believer in not doing anything to jinx myself. My website has been updated though, if you want to know more.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

I didn't miraculously awaken on January 1, 2007 with a svelte new bod and a cheery attitude (although, from recent posts, it didn't matter if I had a svelte new body, and I actually was cheered up).

The kids are STILL HOME FROM SCHOOL UNTIL JANUARY 8. Thank you Mr. School District Superintendent or whoever came up with this bright idea to extend THEIR holiday.

I continue to diet.

I continue to think about all types of foods.

I continue to cheat a teeny bit on my continuous diet.

I am still querying agents, getting a handful of requests from agents, and sending out partials or fulls to interested agents -- same as I did last year.

I am still not diligently sitting my ass in the chair and writing fiction.

I have however, created a new "Children-Points-System" that has been tested now for two days, and we're having some success with it. I give each child 50 points to start out with (will determine if that's a realistic number or not). If they fight, or whine, or make an ugly face; if they don't do what they're told to after the second warning; if I find their socks behind the door; if Tuke is beating the heck out of his sister or brother; whatever ... if they do something that annoys me, or pisses me off, or makes me want to yell, then they get a point removed from their 50.

If they do something unexpectedly kind, or help with laundry, or the garbage, or if they do something they know they should without being asked, then they gain a point.

It's still TBD what will happen at the end of the week. Maybe the points will each be worth a dime, guaranteeing five dollars if they just exist for that week. Who knows, but so far, this is one resolution I would like to stick to. I'm tired of being the "kick-her-in-the-face-and-do-whatever-we-want-to-with-no-regards-for-mom" mommy.

Although that makes it seem like I am raising terrible children here, which I most certainly am not. They just need a little more discipline from the Mom side of the Mom-Dad combo. We'll see how it goes.

Finally, because it was so darn beautiful here for a January day, and because the kids knew the POINTS were in effect, they let me sleep until a really unfair-for-a-mother-of-three-children hour (wait, does that even make sense?), and when I got up, I was kindly informed they had all eaten breakfast AND cleaned up the basement, so I decided we needed a trip to the zoo! (After all, it is free-zoo day on Tuesdays in the winter.

When we reached the parking attendant (Because of course, free-zoo day does not include the eight bucks to park), I happily greeted the old geezer happily taking people's money.

We exchanged pleasantries--beautiful day for the zoo! Warmer in the sun! Happy New Year! Have a great day!

I roll up the window and when I'm looking for a place to park, Ajers grins over at me and says, "Mom?"

Me: "Yeah?"

AJers: "We're you hitting him?"

Me: "What!?!?"

Ajers: "You know," and he kind of grins some more, nudge-nudge-wink-wink..."hitting him..."

Me: "You mean, was I hitting ON him!?!?!?! Good Lord, Ajers, he was a geezer, I was just being nice!"

Ajers: "Yeah, but he could have been in a disguise!"

Who needs the monkeys at the zoo when you have Ajers for entertainment?

Monday, January 01, 2007

You know how s-e-x is a private matter, something to be shared between two loving people, sometimes to reconnect with one another, sometimes to relieve stress, sometimes to procreate, and sometimes, just because you are drunk and stupid?

Yeah, well I've done it for all of those reasons at some point in my life.

Anyway, the New Year has started out quite nicely, and this a.m., Hubby and I had this discussion, and immediately after we stopped cracking up, I was like, "Hmmm, how can I get that into a blog-post."

So, here's my attempt, without giving too much away...because there are some things that are just too private to blogshare.

You know how sometimes you might be a little "less inhibited" when you're in a loving and comfortable relationship, and after you've had oh, say, three or seven martinis and a couple glasses of champagne?

Well, that might have been me last night. (Technically, today, really, I guess, because it was after midnight.)

So, this morning, after the "less inhibited" Manic and hubby woke up, we were talking in bed.

Me: You know how sometimes you make jokes about things that should stay private, and I get mad at you, and it makes me not want to do things with you again?"

Him: Yeah.

Me: Well, I don't want you making jokes, or kidding with me, or saying secret things about what we did last night, OK?"

Him: Yeah.

Silence...

Me: Because, if you do, then I won't want to do those things with you again, got it?

Him: Yeah, I got it. I won't make any jokes. Because I would really like to do that again sometime with you.

Happy New Year! I think I won't be celbrating this new years by puking, and that is a very good thing, and I'm gtelling you right now I'm not going to correct any tuppos and I don't even know what I feel like saying right now but it's 1:16 a.m. on Jan 1. and I just wanted to come to the blog. Doesn't sthat sound slike a song: Come to the bLOG. a Nirvana saong. Anyway. I think I am going to write a book called:

Manic Mom's Martini Mixes cuz I hav eto say, I ROCK AT CRAETING (YEP, that says creating) I rock at craeting interesting martinit mixes that include tnatgernines, and yes, that says tangerines, and also appletijnis with caremal. I havp, that is suposed to say hope but I kinda came out have and hpoe. oops, hope you all rand int... oops, rang in the new year with family and loved ones, cuz it doesn't matter if you're stuck int he back of a sticky bar listening to Fine Young Cannibals sing that She Drives Me Crazy song while you're making out with a boy and super happy that you got into the bar with your fake ID... what matters is where you're at now, how happy ouu you are and how good your life is.

I hope your life is good.

I can't wait to read this in athe a.m., and as much as it smees oops, seems like this might be a really whatcked out post, I do know what I'm saying here. and it's this: