Monday, August 23, 2010

Rod Blagojevich and Lou Pinella Leave Chicago Cab Fare

A Happy Ending is an Extra $50.

The City of Chicago was seen teetering uncertainly down Michigan Avenue early Sunday morning wearing only a dazed expression and the same cheap cocktail dress from the night before. Makeup haphazardly reapplied, the City looked a little worse for wear and even it's oversized Gucci sunglasses couldn't hide its self-loathing. How long would it go on letting itself be America's booty call? Hounded for comment as it tried vainly to hail a cab, the City flashed an embarrassed smile and said, "well, it ain't Breakfast at Tiffany's."

Meanwhile, tucked comfortably into a booth at Smith and Wollensky, Rod Blagojevich and Lou Pinella were overheard ordering another round of bloody marys and comparing exploits. Both had been seen romancing the naive City of Chicago, and it was unclear which of them had bedded the impressionable Second City.

(Transcript from Patrick FitzGerald's wiretap of conversation between Lou Pinella and Rod Blogojevich):

R.B: How did you finally get rid of Chicago?L.P: I squeezed out a few tears, and said I need to visit my sick mom.R.B: No fucking way...and the City bought it? It actually applauded you? You're twenty-one games out of first place. The Bulls may win more games this season.L.P: Yeah, but that's a pretty good year for the Cubs...and remember...Chicago never quits on a loser. Just ask Richard Daley. Anyway, you're one to talk... how did you manage to get into its pants again? I never thought it would talk to you after that trial.R.B: I know; I can't believe it even took my call. But next thing I knew we were at the Chicago Comic Con. One thing led to another, and there I am posing for pictures and signing autographs.L.P: But, did you really charge $50 and $80? Heard they were lining up. I almost fell out of the dugout.R.B: What can I say? L.P: You are shameless! I love this guy. R.B: The thing to remember is the City has low self-esteem. It didn't like seeing me in N.Y.C doing The Apprentice. You should come with me next time...fish in a barrel.L.P: You think Chicago would fall for it again?R.B: Ask your sick mom.L.P: What a town!R.B:(Cell phone rings) Hold up! Speak of the devil, this is Chicago calling now (men giggle and answer). Hi, honey. How you doing? Yeah? We had a good time too...Of course we respect you. How could you think that? We just promised to visit Lou's mom this morning....No, of course we forgive you. Okay, gotta go.L.P: Thank god, here are my eggs benny.R.B: Mind if I steal that "my mom's sick" bit for my retrial?L.P: Use it in good health.R.B: Next time we should get it to invite a friend. I hear Cleveland just got dumped.L.P: I like where your heads at.