Monday, January 16, 2006

As we all know, I have somewhat more than a passing interest in figure skating. And it's not just because I have the hots for some of the skaters, Sasha in particular (we're on a first name basis), but I actually do enjoy watching it for what it is. And of course, when I say figure skating, I mean real figure skating -- not that ice dancing shit, which is just pairs without all of the hard stuff.

The US team going to the Olympics was recently announced, and surprise, surprise, Michelle Kwan will be going to compete, pending approval over her recent injuries. It's as if she gets to go just out of obligation. Pretty much like how I was convinced that under the old judging system, one of the required elements was to be Michelle Kwan, giving her an instant advantage as it was something no other skater could master. Nevermind the fact that she's got some mad skills and all that; she's gotta be older than everyone else on the US skating team by at least 40 years. I'm gonna start calling her Loder.

I know I once said that I'd be OK with Loder finally getting her gold medal, but fuck that. Sasha had better fucking win this time. And she can, too, she just hasn't. I would also be remiss if I didn't post some kind of link to remind you how goddamn hot that girl is, just in case you'd forgotten. Sure, she doesn't have the underage thing going for her anymore, but as I concluded over the weekend, I suppose I'd still hit that. At least at 21 I know she isn't going to be getting any taller, and I guess the fact that she can drink could be useful in some fashion. Because, you know, I'll be in a position someday to take advantage of all that. Yeah, in a position. Don't I wish.

No way dude, fuck that. The next time that Champions on Ice tour comes to the Can in Denver, I'm there, and I am on it. Sure, I fucked up when I've been to that event before, but that's all gonna change. Just like how ETP gave Peyton Manning a pep talk after that preseason game that Indy played against the Broncos so that he would perform well in ETP's fantasy league, I'm gonna give Sasha a pep talk, if you know what I mean.

Oh, and for all you fucking Google searches who have been here on Sasha Cohen-related queries lately, here: her height is 5'1" or 5'2", her weight is in the neighborhood of 94 lbs., and you are not gonna find pictures of her any dirtier than the ones you find on her official site as linked above. So quit fucking asking already. Christ, if only it was that easy to stop the stupid.

Oh, and not that anyone's been Googling for it, but I'll also throw out there that you can see her on Leno's show this Wednesday if you are so inclined.

So yeah, I'm actually looking forward to the Winter Olympics, as opposed to the Summer Olympics which for all I care don't exist anymore. There are actually two things I care about in the Winter Games: figure skating, of course, and curling. Since we failed to get our shit together and form our own curling team (or even to buy a shuffleboard table), I guess we'll just have to be relegated to watching it from afar once again.