ABC Television Network
The worst kept secret on this season of Grey's Anatomy finally finished up: Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh) left Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. But how would she exit? And would she make it out alive?
Season finales of Grey's have a way of scaring the hell out of fans as cast members have been killed off with little or no notice. In the past, a gunman invaded the hospital, a plane crash turned numerous lives asunder and last season a bus accident and blackout threatened the future of many. Season 10's major threat was a potential terrorist attack at a local mall. Yang narrated the beginning and end of this episode, a task usually reserved for best friend Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo). We all knew it was Yang's last day there, yet her narration hinted at the worst: what if she got hit by a bus? Considering that her good pal George O’Malley (T.R. Knight) died in Season 6 by this fate, that wouldn't seem too far fetched.
Yang's final episode wasn't sudden. Her exit was milked by Grey's this entire month. Commercials and teasers on ABC gave us the hint: "Hey, you better tune in, Cristina is leaving." Finally, Yang, the surgeon with the elite skills and even better potential, earned the exit necessary for someone of her talents: she zipped off to Switzerland to run a hospital, at last becoming the cardiothoracic surgeon god she had longed to be even as an intern.
Thankfully, Yang made it through the finale, but not before too-brief goodbyes with her co-workers. The most difficult of all was with Owen Hunt (Kevin McKidd), Yang's on again-off again lover. This couple never really had a chance; Hunt wanted to settle down while Yang yearned to climb whatever ladder she could to become the best surgeon possible. Their last encounter wasn't a strong hug or deep kiss. Hunt was busy operating and all Yang could do was watch from the viewing room, waving and saying goodbye in the easiest way possible, kind of like ripping a Band-Aid off. Before officially leaving, Yang had to dance it out with Grey, her closet friend. "You're my person," they would always say. They hadn't called each other that in a while as their lives took different routes, but that final dance was a proper sendoff for the best friends, who may or may not see each other again.
The Season 10 finale tied up some story lines and brought some cliffhangers for next season. Here are the biggest questions for Season 11:
Grey vs. Shepherd: Who Wins?
All of Derek Shepherd's (Patrick Dempsey) neurosurgeon work paid off as the White House had asked for his help. Shepherd had been consumed with work so family life and normal hospital duties sometime suffered. The solution? Move to Washington D.C.
Grey, however, realized she didn't want to move across the country. Her life, friends and work were in Seattle. This stalemate looks to be ugly next season, especially since Shepherd had accepted the job and even got his wife a position too. They won't move. They can't; how could Grey's take place in two locations?
Who Gets the Empty Board Seat?
Yang's exit leaves an opening on the board of directors. Initially, Richard Webber (James Pickens, Jr.) told Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) that it would be a done deal and she would take that seat. But wait, what wrinkle do we get at the end? Yang left Alex Karev (Justin Chambers) a package, which basically gave him the empty seat. Can she do that? Bailey needs that seat to continue her research, which will get cut because of budget issues. Karev doesn't need it, however, he does thrive when added responsibility comes his way.
How's the Baby?
The entire hospital now knows that April Kepner (Sarah Drew) is pregnant. She had kept it a secret for some time. She had kept her marriage to Jackson Avery (Jesse Williams) a secret too. What other secrets does she have? Arizona Robbins (Jessica Capshaw) and Callie Torres (Sara Ramirez) plan to have a baby, but which one of them will carry? Or will they use a surrogate? Anytime a baby is expected, dramatic events are bound to unfold.
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Patrick Hoffmann/WENN
Much to the dismay of Trekkers everywhere, Roberto Orci will be making his directorial debut with Star Trek 3. According to Variety, Orci, who wrote and produced the first two installments of the franchise with his business partner Alex Kurtzman, has been the frontrunner for some time now, although the names of the other directors being considered haven't been revealed. Orci's name has been in contention for the job since he and Kurtzman announced their split, so the news doesn't come as too much of a surprise. He's also been working on the script with J.D. Payne and Patrick McKay, while J.J. Abrams will serve as producer.
Star Trek is just the latest franchise to take a chance on a new director, as studios have recently made it a habit of picking independent or first-timer directors to helm blockbusters like The Amazing Spider Man 2 or Godzilla. In fact, many of the most expensive films ever made were headed by directors making their feature film debut. Considering Star Trek Into Darkness had a budget of $185 million, it seems as if Orci will soon join the ranks of first-time directors taking on a big-budget franchise. In honor of the major challenge that Orci has ahead of him, we've rounded up the six most expensive directorial debuts and how those directors handled them. That way, Trekkies can try and manage their expectations.
Robert Stromberg, Maleficent - $180 millionWalt Disney Studios
Though fantasy fixtures like David Yates and Tim Burton were rumored to helm the Disney prequel, the studio instead handed the reins to Stromberg, an Oscar-winning production designer. We'll have to wait until the film's May 30 release in order to see how well he handled the material, but from the trailers it's clear that the director's previous experience has resulted in visually stunning movie.
Bob Peterson, Up - $175 millionWalt Disney Co. via Everett Collection
Before he took the helm for Up, Peterson was best known for providing voices for some of Pixar's most icoinc characters. However, his directorial debut blew his other projects away, earning five Academy Award nominations — including Best Picture, making it only the second animated film to be nominated in that category — a win for Best Animated Feature, and opening the Cannes Film Festival. Oh, and it grossed over $700 million at the box office.
Carl Erik Rinsch, 47 Ronin - $175 millionUniversal Pictures via Everett Collection
Loosely based on the fictional account of 47 samurai who avenged their master's death, the big budget film was entrusted to Rinsch by Universal, despite his lack of feature film experience. Unfortunately for the studio, it wasn't a gamble that paid off, as the film's release date was pushed back several times, it received largely negative reviews and it failed to break even at the box office. Hopefully Paramount won't find themselves in the same situation with Star Trek.
Rupert Sanders, Snow White and the Huntsman - $170 millionUniversal Pictures via Everett Collection
Prior to Snow White and the Hunstman, Sanders had primarily directed commercials, although that didn't stop Universal from trusting him with this fantasy epic. The resulting film did well at the box office even though it received mostly mixed reviews, and was rumored to be getting a sequel, with Sanders taking the helm once again. However, both films were overshadowed by the tabloid frenzy that resulted from Sanders' affair with his leading lady, Kristen Stewart, so it doesn't look like that will be happening any time soon.
Joseph Kosinski, Tron: Legacy - $170 million Walt Disney Studios via Everett Collection
When Disney decided to make a sequel to Tron almost thirty years after the first film was released, they turned to Kosinski, who had become known for his work with computer generated effects in the commercials he directed. Though Tron: Legacy received mixed reviews, choosing Kosinski turned out to be a smart choice in the long run, as the film grossed over $400 million during its run in theaters.
Rich Moore, Wreck-It Ralph - $165 million Walt Disney Studios via Everett Collection
Before taking on Wreck-It Ralph, Moore made his name directing episodes of The Simpsons and Futurama, which made him a perfect fit for the goofy, self-referential film. It was a major hit for Disney, grossing over $400 million at the box office, winning the Annie Award for Best Animated Feature and earning an Oscar nomination for Best Animated Picture. Unfortunately, it lost the award to Brave, because nobody loves a Pixar movie more than the Academy.
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ABC Television Network
Soon the Grey's Anatomy cast will be down to just two characters who were wide-eyed interns back when the show first started. The original five interns have gone through vastly different paths to reach their current careers. Some have a place in future Grey's episodes while others will never see an operating room on ABC ever again. So what does time have in store for the original group?
Dr. Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo)
Although it's an ensemble cast, Grey is the closest thing to a main character, hence the title. She is a good surgeon, but known mostly as the wife of top neurosurgeon Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey).
What’s her future? Staying by the side of her husband, providing moral support to the hospital, performing common surgeries.
Dr. Alex Karev (Justin Chambers)
The guy's a jerk, yet he always winds up with such lovely women. Seriously, almost every female throughout the years have had some type of relationship with Karev. He's excelled at pediatrics the past few years.
What's his future? It looks like he's trading his everyday scrubs for a bigger bank account in a private practice. Can't blame him; more money and better hours are always good.
Dr. Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh)
Yang was always the intern with the most potential and she has clearly established herself as a top surgeon. Her skills rival even Shepherd's.
What's her future? She has been offered to run a rich hospital in Switzerland. Yang is officially off the show after this season, but you never know, we could see her again in an episode or two.
Dr. George O'Malley (T.R. Knight)
Always the nice guy, O'Malley never got a chance to develop his surgical skills because of a terrible accident.
What's his future? None. O’Malley died in the Season 6 premiere after complications from his accident. Unless there's some flashback episode, Knight will never be on Grey's Anatomy again.
Dr. Izzie Stevens (Katherine Heigl)
Stevens proved to be irresponsible (Denny and the LVAD wire, indecision) and gets so sick, she hallucinates seeing Denny, who had died after a heart transplant. Stevens just kind of leaves the show with little explanation, but that has more to do with Heigl than Stevens the character.
What's her future? None. Stevens is still alive, but Heigl pissed off so many people from Grey's, her return will never happen. Heigl claimed she wasn't given good material to work with. Ouch. Why is Heigl such a diva?
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DreamWorks
For the bulk of every Rocky and Bullwinkle episode, moose and squirrel would engage in high concept escapades that satirized geopolitics, contemporary cinema, and the very fabrics of the human condition. With all of that to work with, there's no excuse for why the pair and their Soviet nemeses haven't gotten a decent movie adaptation. But the ingenious Mr. Peabody and his faithful boy Sherman are another story, intercut between Rocky and Bullwinkle segments to teach kids brief history lessons and toss in a nearly lethal dose of puns. Their stories and relationship were much simpler, which means that bringing their shtick to the big screen would entail a lot more invention — always risky when you're dealing with precious material.
For the most part, Mr. Peabody &amp; Sherman handles the regeneration of its heroes aptly, allowing for emotionally substance in their unique father-son relationship and all the difficulties inherent therein. The story is no subtle metaphor for the difficulties surrounding gay adoption, with society decreeing that a dog, no matter how hyper-intelligent, cannot be a suitable father. The central plot has Peabody hosting a party for a disapproving child services agent and the parents of a young girl with whom 7-year-old Sherman had a schoolyard spat, all in order to prove himself a suitable dad. Of course, the WABAC comes into play when the tots take it for a spin, forcing Peabody to rush to their rescue.
Getting down to personals, we also see the left brain-heavy Peabody struggle with being father Sherman deserves. The bulk of the emotional marks are hit as we learn just how much Peabody cares for Sherman, and just how hard it has been to accept that his only family is growing up and changing.
DreamWorks
But more successful than the new is the film's handling of the old — the material that Peabody and Sherman purists will adore. They travel back in time via the WABAC Machine to Ancient Egypt, the Renaissance, and the Trojan War, and 18th Century France, explaining the cultural backdrop and historical significance of the settings and characters they happen upon, all with that irreverent (but no longer racist) flare that the old cartoons enjoyed. And oh... the puns.
Mr. Peabody &amp; Sherman is a f**king treasure trove of some of the most amazingly bad puns in recent cinema. This effort alone will leave you in awe.
The film does unravel in its final act, bringing the science-fiction of time travel a little too close to the forefront and dropping the ball on a good deal of its emotional groundwork. What seemed to be substantial building blocks do not pay off in the way we might, as scholars of animated family cinema, have anticipated, leaving the movie with an unfinished feeling.
But all in all, it's a bright, compassionate, reasonably educational, and occasionally funny if not altogether worthy tribute to an old favorite. And since we don't have our own WABAC machine to return to a time of regularly scheduled Peabody and Sherman cartoons, this will do okay for now.
If nothing else, it's worth your time for the puns.
3/5
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ABC Television Network
The winter finale of Grey's Anatomy left a bunch of questions that need to be answered for the doctors of Sloan-Grey Memorial Hospital. Drama will unfold in unusual ways, but what road will take us to the season finale?
The Departure of Sandra Oh
Every dedicated Grey's fan knows that Sandra Oh, who plays Dr. Cristina Yang, will leave the show. But how will the doctor drama handle it? She could leave to become a brilliant surgeon somewhere else. Don't count out death. And what will become of her torn friendship with Dr. Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo)? Will it mend by the end of the season?
Is Dr. Avery Going to Be a Major Distraction?
Dr. Jackson Avery (Jesse Williams) has the final say on the Sloan-Grey board of directors. But he has caused a lot of trouble by busting up Dr. April Kepner's (Sarah Drew) marriage. And he had a girlfriend while doing this. A responsible leader doesn't engage in this type of behavior. Could this lead to Avery's overthrow on the board?
Will Dr. Grey Pull Her Weight?
She's balancing motherhood, supporting her brilliant husband, engaging in a feud with her best friend and trying to make organs on a 3D printer. Dr. Grey can't do it all, so what will suffer? Hopefully, she makes amends with Dr. Yang. It will be difficult to continue her research if her husband, Dr. Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey) gets involved in brain research at the behest of the President of the United States.
What Will Be The Big Surprise Or Cliffhanger?
No Grey's Anatomy season is complete without some kind of disaster or sudden death in the final few episodes. Last season, it was disaster and death. What will test the doctors this season? The anticipation alone is worth watching the episodes that lead up to the end.
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Lions Gate via Everett Collection
When we last left our heroes, they had conquered all opponents in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, returned home to their newly refurbished living quarters in District 12, and fallen haplessly to the cannibalism of PTSD. And now we're back! Hitching our wagons once again to laconic Katniss Everdeen and her sweet-natured, just-for-the-camera boyfriend Peeta Mellark as they gear up for a second go at the Capitol's killing fields.
But hold your horses — there's a good hour and a half before we step back into the arena. However, the time spent with Katniss and Peeta before the announcement that they'll be competing again for the ceremonial Quarter Quell does not drag. In fact, it's got some of the film franchise's most interesting commentary about celebrity, reality television, and the media so far, well outweighing the merit of The Hunger Games' satire on the subject matter by having Katniss struggle with her responsibilities as Panem's idol. Does she abide by the command of status quo, delighting in the public's applause for her and keeping them complacently saturated with her smiles and curtsies? Or does Katniss hold three fingers high in opposition to the machine into which she has been thrown? It's a quarrel that the real Jennifer Lawrence would handle with a castigation of the media and a joke about sandwiches, or something... but her stakes are, admittedly, much lower. Harvey Weinstein isn't threatening to kill her secret boyfriend.
Through this chapter, Katniss also grapples with a more personal warfare: her devotion to Gale (despite her inability to commit to the idea of love) and her family, her complicated, moralistic affection for Peeta, her remorse over losing Rue, and her agonizing desire to flee the eye of the public and the Capitol. Oftentimes, Katniss' depression and guilty conscience transcends the bounds of sappy. Her soap opera scenes with a soot-covered Gale really push the limits, saved if only by the undeniable grace and charisma of star Lawrence at every step along the way of this film. So it's sappy, but never too sappy.
In fact, Catching Fire is a masterpiece of pushing limits as far as they'll extend before the point of diminishing returns. Director Francis Lawrence maintains an ambiance that lends to emotional investment but never imposes too much realism as to drip into territories of grit. All of Catching Fire lives in a dreamlike state, a stark contrast to Hunger Games' guttural, grimacing quality that robbed it of the life force Suzanne Collins pumped into her first novel.
Once we get to the thunderdome, our engines are effectively revved for the "fun part." Katniss, Peeta, and their array of allies and enemies traverse a nightmare course that seems perfectly suited for a videogame spin-off. At this point, we've spent just enough time with the secondary characters to grow a bit fond of them — deliberately obnoxious Finnick, jarringly provocative Johanna, offbeat geeks Beedee and Wiress — but not quite enough to dissolve the mystery surrounding any of them or their true intentions (which become more and more enigmatic as the film progresses). We only need adhere to Katniss and Peeta once tossed in the pit of doom that is the 75th Hunger Games arena, but finding real characters in the other tributes makes for a far more fun round of extreme manhunt.
But Catching Fire doesn't vie for anything particularly grand. It entertains and engages, having fun with and anchoring weight to its characters and circumstances, but stays within the expected confines of what a Hunger Games movie can be. It's a good one, but without shooting for succinctly interesting or surprising work with Katniss and her relationships or taking a stab at anything but the obvious in terms of sending up the militant tyrannical autocracy, it never even closes in on the possibility of being a great one.
3.5/5
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Anthony Hopkins based the maniacal genius he portrays in the Red sequel on beloved British astronomer Sir Patrick Moore. The Oscar winner admits he liked the idea of making his nuclear physicist character, Bailey, an odd, scatter-brained eccentric - and studied the late Moore, who fronted BBC science show The Sky at Night for decades, in preparation for the film.
He tells WENN, "There's a way of playing somebody very British; a kind of eccentric. There was a famous man in England, an astronomer who just died recently, called Patrick Moore; he's a brilliant genius but completely off the wall.
"I wanted to play this nuclear physicist, who is a theoretical mathematical genius, like that - completely bonkers.
"I also knew this man in England, another professor, who was also completely off the wall. He was a brilliant mathematical genius who was at Oxford University and he never knew where he was or the time of day. He used to ask people where he lived.
"I wanted to play Bailey like that. I chose some old broken shoes and some old beaten up tweed jacket from the 1970s and just went for it."

While the rest of the world has been busy these last few days indulging in delicious, heart-shaped sweets and fantasizing about the perfect Valentine (his name is Ryan Gosling, by the way), the good doctors over at Grey’s Anatomy have been busy contemplating their futures at Seattle Grace. Do they leave their precious hospital to its fate, or should they — as Callie suggested — take matters into their own hands and buy the hospital themselves (you know, with the same money that they just took from said hospital)?
“Hard Bargain” was all about picking a course and sticking with it. It’s fight or flight time and, as you can expect, everyone wanted to put in their two cents on the matter (though they’ll need way more than that if they plan to go through with option B. Let’s dig in!
RELATED: 'Grey's Anatomy' Recap: The Hospital Gets an Offer It Can’t Refuse
The (S)Ex Talk: Things are starting to get a little more serious between April and Matthew these days. So serious, in fact, that Matt suggested going on an actual date instead of just making out inside his ambulance. (But that’s what they’re normally used for, right?) He said he wanted to go “someplace that doesn’t have wheels” together. Someone put that on a Valentine’s Day card, STAT! Of course, in true April form, she freaked out and went to her ex, Avery, for advice about how to tell Matt that she was a virgin… and then wasn’t… and now is again. You know, because that’s not awkward/confusing or anything.
But she needn’t have worried because, guess what, Matt’s a virgin too! Now, his definition of a “virgin” is probably a little different (and, let’s face it, a lot more accurate) than April’s version, given that she has actually had sex… like a lot. But she opted to keep that piece of information to herself, at least for now. I’m sure that won’t come back to bit her in the ass late.
Not Your Average Jo: Jo and Alex found themselves working together once again, this time to save the life of an infant baby who was the result of a one-night stand between two co-workers. This prompted Jo to openly question if office romances are a good idea. (Side note: They are almost never a good idea whether we’re talking about a TV show or real life.) But since Alex has now realized that he harbors actual feelings for Jo (about time, dude!), he told her that they can work out and she should totally go for it. Naturally, we thought she was referring to Alex. Nope! That’d be way too easy. She’s got the hots for some new guy the interns have nicknamed Chest Peckwell. Don’t worry; we’re still rooting for you Alex. I simply refuse to root for anyone with a nickname like that.
RELATED: 'Grey's Anatomy' Recap: The Fate of Seattle Grace Comes to a (Fore)Closure
Calling It Quits: Derek, Meredith, Arizona, Cristina, and Callie continued to weigh the pros and cons of buying Seattle Grace. Both sides had valid points: Arizona wanted to save the money to ensure their daughter’s future, while Callie, Meredith, and Derek were more focused on reclaiming the hospital to its former glory. (Cristina was too busy having sex with Owen to have an opinion at that time.) But they weren’t the only ones facing life-altering decisions.
Bailey’s young cancer patient was in need of an important procedure that could help save his life, but due the hospital’s dire financial problems, her request was denied. Infuriated at the injustice of it all, Bailey advised her patient to seek medical treatment elsewhere and told Arizona that she was thinking of taking her own advice and quitting. (Say it ain’t so, Bailey!) That was all it took, though, to make Arizona change her tune and agree to move forward with the plan.
RELATED: 'Grey's Anatomy' Recap: The Phantom Menace
Cristina, however, took a little more convincing, especially once she learned that this would all have to be done behind Owen’s back. Apparently, if Owen got wind of their plan, he’d be obligated to tell Pegasus or else face severe punishment — potentially even jail time. (This is why it isn’t a good idea to sleep with your boss… or your ex-husband for that matter. It clouds your judgment.) She eventually got on board with the plan, knowing that it would benefit everyone in the long run, Owen included.
But there wasn’t enough time to get the rest of the money pooled together because the deal was mere minutes away from going down! So the five doctors did the only thing they could do: They all resigned, thus ruining the deal with Pegasus and breaking Owen’s heart. (It’s for the best Hunt, we promise!) Either way, this is bound to put a huge dent in Cristina and Owen’s already messed-up relationship. He even told that awful Alana woman, “You are all that I have now.” Uh oh… I think I see where this is going…
So what did you think of this week’s episode? Did they make the right decision by resigning or was it a huge mistake? Will Cristina and Owen’s relationship be able to survive this? What should they name their management company? Personally, I like Blind Leading the Blind. Sound off on your dissections and opinions in the comments below!
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[Photo credit: Ron Tom/ABC]

I feel like every single Real Wine Tasters of Sour Grapes Cay recap I've written this season is exactly the same and they all sound like this: Kernya Moo-ah is absolutely insane and thank God she is around.
That's all I have to say about last night's episode, really. It can be boiled down into that, into that one sentence: Kernya Moo-ah is absolutely insane and thank God she is around. She is crazy, but everyone else is being so boring, so all we can do is talk about her.
Seriously, what else happened last night? NeNe Leakes moved, and we have vowed that we would not be discussing moving in any of these recaps. We're not watching the Real Box Pickers of Manhattan Mini-Storage. No, we are not.
So even a glamorous move where NeNe goes to LA to become a big fat television star is not interesting enough for me to talk about. I will, however, discuss that three people on the show this season have moved. Three! There are only six people in the cast (seven if you count Kim) so that means half of the people on this show have moved. Half! How do you expect me to care about this?
Moving is the third worst thing in the world — behind only cancer and AIDS in terms of worseness. I don't want to watch that on TV just like I don't want to punch my nausea and fatigue symptoms into WebMD so it can tell me I have cancer, AIDS, or cancerous AIDS. I don't want any of that.
We did get to meet NeNe's granddaughter, Bri'Asia. OK, I just have to say this, but that is a reality TV show name. That is not a real name that belongs to a real person who has a job and sits at a desk and goes home to a quiet life with her husband and kids, soccer practice and episodes of The Good Wife on the DVR. No, people who live that life do not have a name with an apostrophe and a capital letter in the middle. Do you know who does? Reality stars. Well, reality stars and drag queens.
That means your little Bri'Asia is going to grow up to be cackling her head off and fighting with other people on television in front of the whole world. She will only wear designer clothes and will describe herself as a fashionista, a word that will still sadly exist in 2032 like some sort of linguistic cockroach. And that is fine if you want her to wind up just like her grandmother.
NeNe is famous. She is very rich, bitch. She is everything. But that does not mean her granddaughter is going to follow the same path because she has a reality star name. Larry Bird III is just some fat kid who dribbles Monster energy drink on the front of his shirt while he plays World of Warcraft on the Internet.
A name is not destiny. So if you name her a reality star and then she becomes the first female CEO of Bank of America or a checkout girl at the Piggly Wiggly she's going to sound like she is totally out of place. Congratulations Bryson and Ashley, (which are both normal names) you have given your daughter a life of dashed dreams as a reality TV personality.
Oh, also, NeNe didn't even find out that her son got a girl pregnant until Ashley was six months along and NeNe ran into her at a party and Ashley was like, "Yeah, I don't know why Bryson won't tell you, but here it is!" She rubbed her baby bump in front of NeNe just like Beyoncé did on the red carpet at the Video Music Awards, but no one thought Ashley was Beyonce. Not one single person.
NeNe and Cynthia take Bri'Asia shopping and NeNe buys her a whole mess of dresses and capes and twirly lacy things and head wraps and tiaras and clip on earrings and anklets and all sorts of other shit she does not need and has no occasion to wear.
You might as well bought that baby a pair of crotchless underwear, because that would be equally as appropriate. What this granddaughter needs is not to be turned into a reality TV star which her name has destined her to be. No, she needs bibs and onesies and pacifiers and sun hats and rattle toys that roll around on the ground. She needs all those boring and awful things that no one wants to buy. She does not need dresses. There is no Winter Formal at Cynthia Bailey's Daycare Center and School for Modeling. There is not.
And Bryson doesn't even wear anything but sweatpants when he leaves the house, so where is he going to take his baby that she needs a blouse, a dress, and a matching coat (and in the Atlanta heat)?
What else happened this episode? Kandi and her man Todd (whom I want to marry) talked about how they're not getting married around Kandi's daughter, who has wonderful glasses. (Her glasses were the most exciting thing in the episode.)
Kandi went furniture shopping with Portia, who we found out does not have a prenup which (insert rave siren noise right here). Phaedra gave her 2-year-old son sweet tea which, well, probably isn't the worst for him but, you know, probably isn't the best.
They had a going away party for NeNe which was nice, and Phaedra gave her a photo of all the girls from Anguilla. It was the first picture they had ever taken as a group that wasn't in front of a step and repeat, so that was sweet. Oh, and Kandi wore a pair of sparkly bootie shorts that are illegal in 38 states and all of Canada. Oof.
So what else are we left with? Just Kernya Moo-ah. That is all. That is all we have now, ladies and gentlemen.
We just have her with a bunch of fake hair on her head that looks like a rumpled up duvet. It's just her in a boxing ring and too much makeup doing a photo shoot for Krave Magazine (an imaginary publication that exists on one iPad in Kernya Moo-ah's publicist's office) while she thinks about how much fun it is going to be when she gets home and gives her new dildo a whirl. That is all we have. This is all we have to look forward too.
Mostly the craziness of Kernya Moo-ah has to do with her fake relationship with Walter which is unraveling, but first we have to talk about one thing that Kernya Moo-ah said.
Oh, you know what I'm talking about. "Every day someone thinks I am Beyoncé." She said that. She said that with a complete lack of irony. She said that and she actually believes that it is true.
My head has not stopped shaking since I heard it and now my neck is entirely stiff, but it still will not stop shaking. She thinks she looks like Beyoncé.
She actually does. I mean, someone once might have said to her, "Oh you kind of look like Beyoncé," just like some drunk homosexual told me at a bar once that I look like Paul Rudd. That does not mean that I think that people mistake me for Paul Rudd. It also does not mean that I think like I look like Paul Rudd because, well, I don't have a beard, chest hair, a boyishly handsome face, and that alluring aroma that only people who have a net worth in the eight figures can emit.
I have none of that, and just because some fool thinks I do does not mean it's true, it means that person is an idiot.
Then Kernya went on to make it even worse and said, "At the inauguration, everyone thought I was Beyoncé and like 10 people lined up to get my autograph and then there was like 20, then 50, then a 100 people were lined up for my autograph because they thought I was Beyoncé."
OK, that did not happen. That just did not happen. That is such an obvious lie it's like when that little Connie Kowalski told you in fifth grade that her grandfather owned Burger King and you were like, "Connie, you're stupid," because everyone with a pair of ears who was not given sweet tea in a bath before their third birthday knows it is a lie.
I can see how one dope could say, "Look, it's Beyoncé," and ask for an autograph, and then everyone else would just be like "OH, I hear Beyoncé is in there," and then they'd get in line too and you'd have a little scrum, but once the first person got close enough to actually look Kernya Moo-ah in the face he'd be like, "Oh, never mind, false alarm."
Because Kernya, as beautiful as she is, does not look like Beyoncé. She doesn't even look like her sister. Portia, on the other hand, actually looks like Solange. She does.
I would know she's not Solange, but she bears a resemblance. The only way Kernya looks like the Queen B is that they are both black, both skinny, and both have light hair. Both Neil Patrick Harris and I are tall, white, and gay and that does not make us the same person, it does not at all. Same goes for Kernya and Mrs. Z.
The other thing about the whole Kernya Moo-ah lie about everyone thinking she's Beyoncé is that Kernya Moo-ah would not let anyone think for a second that she is Beyoncé.
The first guy who was like, "Look! It's Beyoncé!" would get a "No, I'm Kernya Moo-ah," thinking that that person would know that she is the second black Miss USA, but they would not. They would not know her from her direct-to-DVD movies, they would not know her for anything.
She would never let herself be mistaken for another celebrity because Kernya thinks that she is a real celebrity. She does. It's true. She's so freaking Bonkers (and that is an actual psychological diagnosis) that she thinks she is a celebrity.
So then Kernya took Walter fishing and, well, we all know it's over.
She was crazy and pressured him into getting married and having babies, and he wasn't ready. He doesn't even want to look at her naked body when it is covered in soap like he's some sort of Jergen's Body Wash fetishist or something. He is done with her. He's fishing and checking his watch and has this amused smile on his face that says, "I'm not going to dump you, I'm just going to treat you like shit until you break up with me." God, Walter, that is a dick move.
That is such a thing for a "nice guy," to do. He can't think of himself being the one to do the dumping, so he just waits for Kernya to end it herself.
So they just stand there, casting their hooks into the lake pulling back nothing but pieces of trash and little dried up plants. Kernya stares off across the pond into the morning light that is coming at an angle where you think the rays are actually visible, where you think you can see the sun.
It seems so bright, so warm, as the flies swarm around them, not being a nuisance, just being part of the background. That's what Kernya sees: the sun, the pond, the bugs, her fishing line, like a tear in the air, launching toward the lake. That's what she sees, fixates on.
She's looking so hard, looking so hard at the light that she can't even see it right next to her. The end is here.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
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Grab your scalpels, forceps, and navy blue surgery garb, folks, because ABC’s hit drama Grey's Anatomy has officially scrubbed in for another heart-wrenching season that’s already gearing up to be just as emotionally exhausting as its shocking Season 8 finale. (If you haven’t done so already, I suggest you make your tissue supply well-stocked).
Yes, believe it or not it’s been four months since the plane carrying our beloved doctors — Meredith, Cristina, Derek, Lexie, Mark, and Arizona — took a nosedive into a very Lost-like scenario (minus the smoke monster, of course), leaving several of our favorite characters severely wounded and others knocking on death’s door (RIP Lexie). But, as we discovered during last night’s premiere episode “Going, Going, Gone,” this little weepathon is far from over. Thirty days after the horrific accident, showrunner Shonda Rhimes throws us directly into the aftermath of the accident, showcasing how well (or not-so-well) our Seattle Grace doctors are handling their everyday lives post-crash.
At first, it almost felt like another alternate-reality episode since nothing was as it should be: new interns referring to Meredith as "Medusa" (apparently they all took Classical Mythology classes before medical school); Alex Karev returning to his slutty, man-whore ways; Cristina serving her fellowship in Minnesota under the long-winded, story-telling gaze of Dr. Thomas — or as I will always think of him: Mr. Feeny from "Boy Meets World"; Miranda Bailey acting uncharacteristically happy (and horny); Arizona Robbins being MIA; and — most shockingly — finding the hunky Dr. Mark Sloane on life support! Apparently those internal injuries were more severe than we thought.
Of course, we knew McSteamy’s exit was underway, but it was unclear how or when this was exactly going to take place. So — much like ripping off a Band-Aid — Rhimes made it a quick, but very painful process. According to Sloane’s living will, in the event of a trauma, it was his wish to be taken off life-support after 30 days of no improvement – a deadline that would end at 5 p.m. that day. No loopholes. No miracle cures. No last second remedies. This episode simply provided 60 minutes of heartbreak and torture not only for the characters, but for the fans as well. Like Meredith said in the opening monologue, "Death changes everything," – not just for the people who are dying, but for the loved ones that they leave behind.
So, naturally, everyone took turns expressing their grief in different ways. Derek decided now would be the perfect time to attempt his first surgery since the crash (which became a total bust after his recently mutilated hand went completely numb midway through); Bailey continued to live up to her new nickname as Booty Call Bailey by getting busy in the on-call room with Dr. Ben (not that we blame her one bit); Avery got a new hairdo and frequently sat by Sloane’s bedside, updating him about his current patients (Plastics Posse for life!).
Meanwhile, Meredith and Cristina did what they do best: opted to ignore the emotional situation altogether. Callie, however, did manage to bring a few light-hearted moments to an otherwise depressing episode and attempted to rouse McSteamy from his catatonic state using one of the biggest weapons at her disposal: her feminine whiles. Though to no avail. But Rhimes wasn’t about to let fans get off easily. She made sure to pull at our heartstrings even more by including a variety of home videos from years past of Sloane in all his glory – not only as a sexy bachelor, but as a great father, friend, and doctor (like we really needed more reasons to love him). And while it’s hard to see yet another beloved Grey’s character leave for good, we can at least take solace in knowing that he and Lexie can be reunited — even if it’s in a very Romeo and Juliet type fashion.
Next: Cristina Gets Backed Into a Corner and Where is Arizona?
Even though Sloane’s storyline dominated a major portion of the plot this week, Rhimes made sure to include plenty of face time for several other fan favorites as well. Cristina seems less than thrilled with her new job and is asked to take a short sabbatical in the hopes of making her become more team-oriented and less self-involved. Is it just me or does this has transfer written all over it? She’ll be back to Seattle Grace in no time.
And as for Karev’s imminent departure — it seems this bad-boy doctor won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. After receiving an unfair guilt trip from Meredith at the airport and learning that his orphan program was getting moved to a new hospital, Karev made the decision to remain at Seattle Grace (if only all jobs allowed their employees to be so fickle).
And in completely unrelated news, Owen Hunt, who apparently just needed something to do this episode, decided to go find April Kepner and ask her to return to the hospital, which she undoubtedly will do if for no other reason but to question Avery’s latest hairstyle (am I right, ladies?).
But the big question on everyone’s mind was: whatever happened to Arizona? Though others continually offered Callie their condolences and talked about Dr. Robbins in hushed tones, no one ever came out and said what really happened. It wasn’t until the last few minutes of the episode that a tearful Callie returned home shortly after Sloane’s death and demanded that Arizona get out of bed and face the world. But that’s much easier said than done, especially considering the fact that Arizona now only has one leg….and apparently Callie is responsible for the amputation, which has sent Arizona spinning into a deep sea of depression. I think it’s safe to say this emotional aftermath won’t go away quietly.
But, in the meantime, there are still sooo many questions that need answering — like what exactly led to Mark’s death? Why was Arizona’s leg cut off? Will Cristina follow in Karev’s footsteps and opt to return to Seattle Grace? And, most importantly, how exactly did they all get saved from that island in the first place? There may be no happy endings in the near future, but it sounds like all the makings for an equally riveting second episode — not to mention a drama-packed season.
What did you think of tonight’s season premiere? Were you angered by McSteamy’s departure or did you feel it was a fitting tribute? Is the storyline starting to feel a little too reminiscent of the shooting a few seasons back or is Grey’s better than ever? Sound off in the comments below!
Follow Kelly on Twitter @KellyBean0415
[Photo credit: ABC]
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