YOU could get sozzled just by watching telly soaps reckons SUSAN RIDDELL

I watched hours of sporting events during the Commonwealth Games and never once had the slightest urge to get out of my chair and exercise, yet I watch five minutes of the Great British Bake Off and I’m jumping red lights to get to the 24 -hour Tesco for a packet of French Fancies.

It’s not only baked goods I am tempted by though; has anyone else noticed the amount of boozing that goes on in TV land?

I feel sorry for recovering alcoholics who, no longer able to go down the pub, turn on the TV and end up instead watching people in the pub.

Soaps are the worst. On several occasions, I’ve found myself sitting watching Coronation Street when I suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, begin to crave a glass of wine. “Where did that come from?” I wonder.

Maybe the fact that no one on the show can go five minutes without necking a drink. They drink so frequently that I actually know all the characters’ “usual” tipples.

I feel I could quite confidently buy everyone a round in the Rovers Return without writing it down. Rita is a vodka tonic, Emily Bishop is a sherry, Audrey is a vodka tonic, Fiz, a pint of bitter.

Depending at what stage Peter Barlow is in his sobriety, he’s either sipping an orange juice (the cliché drink for recovering alcoholics in soap land) or he’s got his head under the pump like Barney Gumble.

I don’t know what’s going on with Carla – one minute she’s attending AA meetings, the next she’s enjoying a flagon of red wine in the Rovers.

Apart from Carla’s fluctuating alcoholism, there’s other stuff I don’t get about drinking on soaps. For example, how can they bloody afford it? That knicker factory must be paying their seamstresses a pretty penny because Fiz and crew are never out of the Rovers.

If the characters aren’t downing pints in the pub then they’re swanning about Nick’s bistro, glass of red in hand.

Another thing I’ll never understand about drinking in soaps is why they never use a mixer in a time of crisis. EastEnders is particularly bad for this.

When someone is going through a stressful time you can be assured there will be a decanter nearby filled with Scotch. If not, they just down straight vodka from the bottle.

The thing that amuses me the most is that they drink it like it’s a bottle of Volvic water. They don’t flinch or gag like any normal person would. Didn’t these people learn the most important rule while in drama school; all acting is reacting! React to the vodka for God’s sake!

It’s not only soaps that are guilty of excessive drinking. Reality TV shows are rife with it too. If you’ve ever watched any of the Real Housewives you’ll know their favourite thing to do is drink mimosas for brunch and argue with each other, or have a bottle of pinot grigio at lunch and argue with each other, or throw a cocktail party in the evening and, well… you get the picture.

What I don’t understand about the housewives is how they all remain skinny. There’s about 90 calories in a glass of wine and these women down vats of the stuff.

Finally, if there’s one show that’s synonymous with drinking, it’s Madmen. And if you’re looking for a distraction while trying to give up smoking, do not under any circumstances watch this show.

The thing that baffles me about Madmen is that they all sit around wondering why they’re so depressed. Maybe if they swapped their Martinis at breakfast occasionally for, say, a smoothie they’d feel a tad chirpier.