Question

Should I tell my husband our baby's sex -- even though he doesn't want to know?

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My husband and I are expecting our first child in March. I know the sex but he doesn't -- he says he wants to be surprised at the birth. I feel like we're missing out on picking names and shopping for gender-appropriate clothes and toys. Plus, I have to watch every word I say around him in case I refer to our baby by gender and ruin it for him. Should I just tell him?

Mom Answers

I'm sure you now realize that it was not a great decision to have only one of you find out. Are you supposed to hide all the dresses or little blue outfits. And this means you can't tell anyone else either. However, what's done is done. So try to keep it secret and if you just can't do it, talk to your husband. Maybe he'll change his mind.

Let your husband be surprised! Do any sex-specific shopping without him, refer to the baby as both him and her, and pick a name for both genders. It would be unfair to ruin the surprise for him - and who knows, you may be surprised yourself. With our first, the ultrasound tech said a boy for sure, and we had a beautiful baby girl!

I think it's wonderful for your husband to want to be surprised. That is what I have chosen to do and it drives my husband insane for the same reasons you mentioned. I would let him enjoy the suspense and respect his decision. You will have a lifetime of buying gender-specific clothes and toys. Nothing will compare to the look on your husband's face when he cradles his son or daughter for the first time. You'll be glad you were patient with him. Good luck and congratulations!

It would be best to respect your husbands decision. It may be difficult but you can always cover-up by switching genders to keep him guessing. Treat it like a game and maybe you can actually have some fun with it!! Good Luck and congrats.

I disagree with a lot of the comments I have read on here. I don't see any reason why it was wrong for only one of you to find out the baby's sex. I don't understand why so many people think that whether or not you found out the baby's sex should have beed your husband's decision (and I doubt these people have good marriages themselves). But I do think you need to respect his wishes by not telling him. Sometimes in a marriage you have to meet in the middle on things, and that is exactly what you are doing (as long as you keep this secret). Let your husband enjoy the suspence and the glorious moment he finds out when the baby is born.

You should absolutely respect your husband's wish not to know. I wanted to be surprised and my husband wanted to know, so he found out and kept it from me (we agreed on this arrangement). He told his co-workers, as I never see them, so that helped "get it out of his system" and would sometimes refer to the baby as him, sometimes as her. I would have been devestated had he purposefully told me as the surprise element was very important to me.

I can't even believe you're asking people on advice to go against your husbands wishes. You KNOW it's wrong to tell him or you wouldn't "seek the approval" of others to tell him.
You're not missing out on picking names. You can still do that- just make sure you suggest names of both sexes, lest he find out. And if you're afraid you'll slip up, give the baby a nickname and refer to him or her by that name only.
And lastly- you may be surprised yet. It's not all that uncommon that women deliver a different sex than they were expecting.

I would feel the same way but if he doesn't want to know then I wouldn't tell him and since you already know you can get stuff for the baby and try to hide it at a friends house or something before the baby comes out so you will feel prepared. Just an idea for you but in my opinion I would not tell him.

Should you tell him? No way! Why would you tell him if he doesn't want to know? He said he wants it to be a surprise--why would you disregard his feelings like that? For what, the fun of picking out clothes?

well,Julia i think if he doesn't want to know you shouldn't even think of telling him as it would not only ruin the element of surprise but he might also get bad feelings about you.like my husband&i both agreed that we will not try to find our baby's sex&we will definitely stick to that.if one of us try to find out,it would only spoil our relationship.on top of that in most cases,the sex told by the doctor is different when the baby is born so one really gets disappointed.i think now you should be patient&leave the rest to God.i strongly believe He is only one who will solve your dilemma.all the best.

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