Funny Idioms And Hilarious Sayings - All New

Brand-new funny idioms and recently created hilarious sayings along the lines of "one card short of a full deck" - phrases describing crazy or stupid people.

What do you say about someone who seems to be slightly off his rocker, out of whack, of the moronic persuasion, or an idiot? You may announce that this person does not have all his ducks in a row, or that she falls one card short of a full deck. In this article you will find a bunch of new phrases along these lines, all from my own twisted mind. It's been fun coming up with these funny idioms!

Other funny ways of saying...

One card short of a full deck

One bristle short of a hog's mohawk

One woofer short of a boom box

One pancake short of a single-stack

One cup short of 8 ounces

One cell short of a bird brain

One plank short of a pirate ship

One OHM short of an out-of-mind experience

One strap short of a G-string

Not the coolest cat in the litter box

For sure not the smoothest crooner in the choir!

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

What else could you say about a dim-witted person?

Not the shiniest pearl in the choker

Not the crispiest wing in the basket

Not the freshest mop in the bucket

Not the tightest string on a violin

Shining examples of glaring incompetence:

The supervisor of a CVS store hooked up with a buddy to "rob" his own business. Since he forgot to turn off the surveillance cameras, the whole thing was captured on video. Not only was the robber so nervous that he forgot to take the money bag with him, the supervisor himself actually delivered it to his "fleeing" buddy in the parking lot.

Another burglar entered a home and found several buckets with coins. He took the one with quarters and half-dollars, which added up to about $3,000. A couple of days later he returned for the bucket with nickels and dimes. This time he made $700.

Meanwhile, the owner had installed a burglar alarm. When the guy came back for the penny bucket...the police were waiting for him. What a fool!

Not the fluffiest sheets in the hamper, I'd say!

You can read a huge bunch more of these kinds of stories in the archives of News of the Weird.

Are you gonna be stingier than a mess o' wasps, or are you gonna leave me a comment?

chefkeem, Thank you for the video, sayings and links. The lyrics and the moves are habit-forming! Is that a Bavarian yodeler costume? My favorite saying is not the brightest crayon in the box because it makes me think of those big boxes of multi-colored crayons.

This is not only funny but also useful reference for all the authors who don't speak English very well (I am one of them), just to get the feel of the richness available when we want to express something.But on the other hand Google Translate itself gives us some funny ideas too...;)

I had no clue there was a cat in the video, I watched this 3 times before I could see where the cat was (thinking it was closer) and finally saw the white cat FAR in the distance (white blur?).... I got that dishes song in my head again, a bit catchy it is...