I know I sound harsh, but I've been to the beach enough times to know that bikinis and the ocean do not go well together. I realize it's not half as sexy, but if I'm planning on swimming, you can bet I'll be wearing a one-piece.

I'm so tired of seeing celebrities react with horror and dismay when their bikini nip slips are caught by photographers. What did you expect when you were playing beach volleyball/sea kayaking/surfing in two triangles and a piece of butt floss?

GAH.

So what's your opinion on Maria's Malfunction? Do you feel bad for the poor thing? Or was she totally asking for it?