If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Woke up this morning..

..and didn't get myself a gun. But if I knew today will pass this way, maybe I'd considered to get one. Not to blow my brains out of course, but a sound of a firing weapon could quite jazz up my day. Shooting ranges are still a knot for me.

My cell-phone's alarm ringed at 7 am. (By the way my cell and my laptop always stand open my bedside during night time- I guess it's a very, very bad habit.) It took 45 minutes to get my ass up. And nearly for 14 hours
I never left my room, except getting food and answering call of nature. Wasn't there something for me to do, of course there was. I could study, pay some bills or call my friends and hang out with them. But I didn't. I spent the all day resting passively. Like the way I did in many days of 2010. It was a lazy, dilatory day all again.

What's bugging me is not today's passed that way again. What's bugging is it didn't had to pass that way. When I speak to my psychologist he's saying that I'm a brilliant and intelligent person, and doing anything is
possible for me when I want it to be done. He's saying that the only problem with me is my lack of determination to carry out my thoughts to life. And he's right. That is the main problem in my life. My dad says it's a
concentration issue.

I don't know what I'm gonna do on new year's eve- probably I spend in a shitty way also- But my main expectation from year 2011 is me getting over this issues and get myself more confident, more aware of my responsibilities to year 2012, and getting me more closer to what I am worthy of.

I always end up wasting days away doing absolute fuck all. And I always feel crappy after it. Especially because I know I have things to do, like college work, or catching up with friends, but I've no motivation for all that.

And it's weird, the more I do nothing, the more tired I seem to be. I haven't been doing much the last few days and I am absolutely wrecked from it.

Work pfff work is for chumps. My mom has decided we're the 'What? Me worry?' generation, which is fairly apt in a broader brush kind of way.

p.s. Your apathy and lack of motivation may all stem from depression. You might want to find out. Although if your psychologist overlooked this possibility s/he sounds like s/he'd be pretty bad at his/her job.

p.s. Your apathy and lack of motivation may all stem from depression. You might want to find out. Although if your psychologist overlooked this possibility s/he sounds like s/he'd be pretty bad at his/her job.

I don't think that it comes from depression. I think I'll be able to figure out myself whether I'm in depression or not altough I'm not that far from the "extent" of depression. Right now in my life, there's no authority figure that can be able get in touch with me anytime. I'm attending a school that is placed far away from my hometown. If I stayed with my parents I wouldn't cope with these issues. But living with them would bring another issues. But I guess I'll always need a mother figure.

When I'm done with high-school I wanted to pull out from them (I didn't have to.) I wanted to try it all by myself. At the end I couldn't handle some things. I couldn't prevent the things that I didn't want to happen to me. All this made me more reckless instead of contentious. Now that it is the main point that I want to fix about my life. Bringing the old, ambitious, gogetter, genial me back.