How To Show Out On The ‘Gram(And Not Be Ashy)

First of all, let’s stop pretending you don’t care about likes and comments on your Instagram posts. We millennials are a vain generation and even though Instagram interactions won’t pay your bills, unless you’re getting booked through your bio, likes matter.

If you’re a blogger or a business owner, Instagram activity is just one of many ways to drive traffic to your site. If you’re neither, it’s still ok to showcase your glow up or stunt on that ex that said you would never be anything (you know which one I mean). Now if you truly don’t care, why’d you click this article?

Perhaps you’ve been feeling frustrated that the fire pic you posted from your trip to Nova Scotia didn’t break the internet. Or that the flick of you doing the hip-hop squat next to a doped up tiger in Thailand only got two comments. In any case, I’m going to drop some gems on you and provide you with sure fire ways to get activity on your Instagram page.

1. Don’t be ashy. I mean this literally and spiritually. Baby oil gel, particularly the shea butter version, is the GOAT of relieving physical ashiness. Slather a silver dollar sized portion of that magical concoction all over your body and glow.

Now you’re probably asking, “Charisse, how can you be spiritually ashy?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Physical ashiness we’re all familiar with, hopefully. But spiritual ashiness is an epidemic that needs to be addressed.

If you don’t show love to others, you’re ashy. If you see a pic you enjoy but don’t like it because you’re jealous, you’re an ashy hater. If you follow people on Instagram, then unfollow them moments after they follow you solely to get your follower count up, you’re an ashy narcissist. If you post negative comments under people’s pics (celebrities or civilians), you’re an ashy troll. If you judge women that post “scandalous” pics on the ‘gram or twerk videos, you’re an ashy misogynist. Don’t be any of those #LevelUp.

2. Get your caption fleeky. Do the kids still say fleeky or on fleek? Not that I truly care , but I was curious.

Nowadays a quality caption is just as important as a flawless pic. No seriously, Buzzfeed even wrote an article about this phenomenon.

I am not ashamed to admit that I have a note in my phone that contains fire captions I think of throughout the day. These can be snippets of song lyrics, witty puns, or phrases that the good Lord chose to place on my heart. I sprinkle them on relevant posts when they arise.

Take the time to think about what message you want to convey and know that you get bonus points if you have a funny geotag and hashtags.

For the love of all things holy, be sure to camel back your hashtags. That means write them like this #IAcceptMoneyThroughVenmoPaypalAndCashApp #BookedAndBusy #DoingItForTheGram #CharisseIsEverything, because a hashtag is only funny if your audience understands what it says.

3. Be confident. If Trump being elected as president taught you nothing else, let it teach you that confidence is key. Pose like the world is your runway. Shoulders back, chest out, lace front centered and secured. If you’re not confident in yourself and your appearance it will show in your pictures. Who knew self love was the key to an award winning selfie? Practice taking pics to find your most flattering angle and use lighting to your advantage.

4. Know which medium is appropriate.There is a time and a place for a single pic vs a collage vs a slideshow vs a video vs a Boomerang. Nobody wants to see 5 pics in a row of you in the same place wearing the same thing.

Single pic: If you have a fire pic to drop that you don’t want to be upstaged by any accompanying pics

Collage: If you have a bunch of subpar pics that will look better together, you’re clearing out your camera roll to create space, or you want your followers to see instantly that taking multiple bomb pics is indeed your ministry

Slideshow (swipe pics): If you have multiple fire pics and don’t want to wait to post them individually. Sidenote: this is a risky move, as your followers are not likely to swipe through every pic. Use this feature wisely.

Video: If you’re capturing an activity that is not composed of repeated actions. Please note sound is optional.

Boomerang: If you just want to look cute, keep it on mute, and be repetitive

5. Have a photographer that cares. So I have a theory. Much like Einstein’s “Theory of Relativity” it is groundbreaking and tested. The way a person captures a picture of you shows how they view you.

If you are on the fence about a friendship or relationship, ask the party in question to take a picture of you. If the pictures come out crappy, reevaluate that relationship. If they come out bomb AF, know that you have a true rider in your life.

I preached a Snapchat sermon about this the other day and the congregation realized this theory is solid. I urge you to test it out and report back with your findings.

*I am not liable for the ending of any friendships, relationships, or situationships from the results of testing this theory.

6. Capture some landscape. While I’m sure you’re the cutest creature this side of Narnia, an entire profile of selfies is dry. Be sure to capture where you are and don’t be afraid to not be in a pic at all. Sometimes a breathtaking landscape is more impressive when you don’t insert yourself into it.

7. Download Google Photos and flourish. Other photo editing apps, I’m gonna let you finish, but Google Photos (App Store|Google Play) is one of the best apps of all time. No seriously, I love this app. If you already have a Gmail account this app allows you to access your photos stored in the cloud. Also, the Photo Assistant feature in this app creates stylized photos, animations, and short videos for you automatically. If you’re too lazy to edit specific aspects of your photo, the auto-edit function is pretty spiffy and you can share pics directly from the app to Instagram.

Inst-spiration

These are accounts I follow that give me everlasting life with each pic they post.