Junior (about accidentally knocking Michael out while being taught how to box): I feel like Sugar Ray.

Jay: Which one?

Junior: The band.

Claire (after telling Junior, who got into a fight with Tony and got beat up after he assumed that Claire and Tony were having sex, when really they were playing miniature golf): What did you think we did?

Junior: It.

Claire: It?

Jay: It?

Michael: It?

Claire: That's disgusting!

Jay: That's disgusting!

Michael: That's just plain damn nasty.

Jay (to Claire, who broke up with Tony after seeing him with another woman, who was actually his cousin): Baby, you've got to communicate with Tony. That is the secret to any good relationship. How do you think your father and I have held in there for so long?

Michael: Unplanned pregnancies?

(Jay stamps on Michael's foot) Ow!

You said you wanted me to give the male point of view, I'm giving you the male point of view!

Jay: Go point your view back at the television.

Michael (to Claire, who is eating junk food to comfort her after her breakup with Tony): Claire, you gotta watch your sugar intake. You're already genetically predisposed to being a little thick. (looks at Jay)

Jay: That wasn't even necessary!

Michael: Baby, I was just being honest.

Jay (referring to Michael's head): Do I run around the house telling Junior that he's genetically predisposed of looking like a brown egg?

"Let's drink some of that colored water, saturated with high-fructose corn syrup, get a huge sugar rush going, and then watch hours of insipid animated marsupials sing and dance their way through a jungle festooned with product placement featuring candy-laced cereals that will no doubt destroy my pancreas before I'm 12 and leave me twitching in a diabetic coma."