Is a muzzle an appropriate Christmas gift for a toddler? How about a straightjacket?

Can Santa bring me a martini? Can he come NOW?

Do I really need to get new tires and brakes right now, in December of all times of the year? If so, do you think the kids will be happy to find some Michelins and brake pads wrapped up under the tree on Christmas morn?

If I abscond with the box of Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe-Joe's, which will the children miss more: their mother or the cookies?

In the absence of matching socks, can I dress her in mis-matched socks, and in the absence of those, how about dirty socks, and in the absence of those, can I leave her here whilst I run errands in the freezing cold?

If I start driving right now, how far will I get by the Witching Hour?

Today, my toddler wore mismatched socks all day. One was striped pink, the other was blue. Not even close to each other in coordination. So we covered them with boots. I have a mountain of clean clothes in my basemeent waiting for me to fold them, rivaling mount everest in size. I had no idea we had that many clothes. As you know, seven people make a lot of laundry. My van broke last week, totaling $300 dollars, the garage door broke, the dishwasher broke, and I lost my keys just as I was heading out the door. Why do these things never happen at a convenient time?! Probably so we can all empathize with each other...

I made a decree last week that matching socks are overrated and my kids need to get over it. So far so good.

One day this weekend my husband re-dressed the boys in the dirty clothes they'd taken off before, except each boy had on the opposite outfit from the day before. The clothes actually looked a little better after the night on the floor, so we just went with it.

hey, i already got my present ....a nice new steering gear box, hoses and thermostat in my dodge... oh, if that wasn't enough, Bill gave someone a nice new rear end crash on the freeway during the bad rainstorm this weekend. That other guy is getting a new car!Seriously, my christmas present cup has runneth over...