” i pointed out to you the stars and all you saw was the tip of my fingers”

For Jenny…

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It’s been nine months since Tim did what he did. Her time away aboard all nine months, did nothing to heal her Stead, she reels just as much today as on the day it happened. With a bowl of Fruits and fibre soaked in milk in hand as dinner, she caught a keke napep ride down memory’s bumpy lane, one that she seldom did.

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Tim and Isabela shoulder bumped into a meet some 12months back. The action sent bela’s bag swiftly to the floor of the shopping mall while Tim’s tablet told cracking tales as it hit the group. She picked up her bag after her recovery and started out with an apology heavily laddened with embarrassment as Tim picked up what was his. It had been her fault. She wasn’t looking where she was headed as she was trying to locate the store she had left her friend, Ngozi in before heading for the lady’s. So her neck, head,eyes and hair were pretty much under some strain, turning here,there,here again and over there. Tim on the other hand, spotted the head twirls and whom it belonged to just seconds before and his attempt to avoid her led to the shoulder bump, else it would have been worse. Tim recognized her embarrassment and said don’t stress. It needed to switch up its look anyways’ referring to the cracked tablet. That got a timid toothless smile out of her. She offered to fix it but he refused. They haggled fixing the tablet for all of five minutes on that spot.‎It was only brought to a halt when bela got a call from Ngozi telling where exactly she was,for a meet up. She apologized again after the call had ended and took Tim’s number insisting she would pay for the tablet’s repair. With this,they both went in their separate directions. Getting to where Ngozi was, she narrated her ordeal, not the least bit feeling good about her clumsiness. A day later, bela called Tim for a meet. The plan was to get him down to the repair shop and somehow make good on her words. Tim showed up but with a good as new tablet. Double the embarrassment,bela felt totally awful. Sensing this, Tim offered to buy her a drink to make her feel better, and that was how it started.

He was as sweet and charming as she had imagined “the perfect guy” should be, He wasn’t classically handsome but the little he lost in looks, he made up for in charisma, the way he walked, the way he carried himself, the drool in his voice and the calmness with which he made her feel so self cautious. She caught herself trying to avoid his looks as he held her eyes while the sat at the café. She never saw herself as someone who was shy, she was always the one making people squirm, not to be proud but she’s been told by guys and girls alike that she was drop-dead gorgeous and she had met very good looking guys and turned down better looking guys without a second thought but she could not feel the electrifying gaze she expected from everyone, he made her feel just like every normal girl, She could not feel his eyes devouring her, and yet she felt captured by his presence. There is something to be said about being wanted by everyone, but here she was in all her finery and yet He just treated her like she was a 6 *eyes role* she considers herself a 9 at her worst, and now she was getting pissed off with all the thought running through her head over a total stranger… “ you’ve got very pretty eyes” tim said bringing her back to the present, “ yeah, thanks” bela replied too quickly and too harshly. This was the second date, forced on her after her ill fated attempt to pay the bill for the spoilt tablet, the first was akward and she only said yes to this because she felt she at least owed him that, guilty conscience and all. The disaster of the first meet was over and the second date was on; softened by how sweet and nice he was calling to make sure she got home early, not hitting on her at all and generally treating her like a human being and not a piece of “ass”, and here he was complimenting the only feature she wasn’t really proud of, Her eyes, quite big but she was always felt insecure about them. Maybe she was just being silly or he was just trying to mock her. Maybe he is gay she told herself and felt better after that. She decided there and then to be nice and get this over with. “so tell me about yourself” bela asked as she took a sip of her drink “ what about me exactly would you want to know?” he responded “anything you’re comfortable sharing would be nice” she replied. Tim looked at her for a moment as if to get his thoughts together, he was skeptical about how to play this, she looked like someone who wasn’t insecure, had boys at her beck and call and the only way to impress her was to be as different as he could. He had slept with some beauties but this right here was an eternal bragging right, he could already envision taking her to different places and being the cynosure of all eyes, the high fives from his boys as they sang his praises, how he’d bed her and brag about it, how much it would massage his ego, how soft her skin would feel to his touch, her lips, those pecky boobs that was still firm… to him this was not just another conquest, this was the conquest, who would have imagined that the shy insecure kid would grow up to be a “ the guy” other guys envied, and he had been thinking of her all week, from the first “accident”, the second date/awkwardness and now he had every plan to see this through. So game on, ”well I am an only child, single mum, dad had better things to do the minute he knew mum was pregnant, couldn’t even wait to see how I’d turn out to be, normal childhood, we weren’t rich but mum made sure I never lacked, my grandparents helped out a lot so mum could work as she never remarried, she had me quite late so I guess she wasn’t ready to put up with another “lying cheating bastard”, she was my world until I turned 22 and cancer took her away from me” this completely caught bela off guard and she felt like a jerk all of a sudden “I am so sorry” she blurted out, tim could see for an instance she wanted to empathize and though this was a part of him he rarely talked about, he knew something real was his only chance, she obviously had heard all the bullshit boys had to spew to get into her pants, silently he asked for his dead mums forgiveness. “thanks , but that was a while back. So how about you, tell me something nice about yourself” and so bela talked, about her childhood, her dreams, her education, everything she could think off, she laughed easily at his jokes, asked questions and he responded and told her more about himself. Bela saw no need for her to keep her guard up, how could she when he had been so open with her, she found him very easy to talk to and for a moment Tim was himself, he felt something real and pure. They talked till they were the only ones left in the café and he offered to drive her home. When they got to the front of the apartment, bela said, “thanks for a wonderful evening, I really enjoyed myself” “ me too, I hope we can do this some other time, I really enjoyed your company” as she was about to get down from the car she hesitated and looked back at him, she didn’t know how to put this but she just couldn’t let it go “ ever tried looking for your dad?” “ always asked mum, but she thought it was best I didn’t know cause she knew I’d try to find him, I tried for a while and gave up and now, I honestly don t give a fuck about him anymore” for the first time that day, bela could see a flash of emotion in his eyes as it grew steely with hatred for a split second, and as quickly as it had come it disappeared again, he smiled at her and as they said there goodbyes. Bela walked into her apartment and was scared to look back as he drove into the night. She had a lot on her mind and she figured so did he.

#POET_X #TYHILLZ

if you missed the previous episode you can read it here here. sorry for the wait.

‘One would think the P.A would be more available and accessible than oga chairman’, said momoh, to Tim. ‘Why would you say that Moh?’ ‘I have been trying to get oga’s signature on the document we’ll need to close B&B’s next month but to no avail. Between the P.A and oga chairman, I no know who come ghost pass.’ ‘Careful man, someone could hear you. But come to think of it, I really haven’t seen them both since chairman introduced her and that has been over a week now.’ ‘You see! Good thing is the B&B’s deal is due next month, which is two weeks away. I pray they put off their ghost mode long enough to get to them before then’ With that, they headed into a bank to carry out transactions for the office.An hour later, the duo rode back to the office in the company’s car.

‎A week after seeing her face and the evaporating trick of his confidence, he was slowly getting back what he could. This did not go unnoticed by his admirers back at the office but they only thought faintly of it. Dinner for Tim that evening was cucumber and beer. He wasn’t in any mood for food,he just wanted to put the dancing ladies on his stomach at ease for a while.

As he sat watching a match on TV, his mind soon drifted to the lady in all black he met the week before. Why did she come back? Why here? What does she want? Is it just a mere coincidence? He highly doubted that, but his thoughts drifted towards that direction anyway. He remembered one of the conversations they had in the past. With that, he drew a conclusion: that he was doomed with her working so close to him. Much so with the strain of their relationship, if there ever was one to begin with.

His stilettos confidence was replaced by kitten heels with just as much noise on a marble floor,only with shorter heels. He strolled into the office the next day with it, only to be met by his friend Momoh and Isabella discussing just about where they had met the week before on the aisle. As he made towards them, he decided to strike a conversation with her, nothing to ruffle her defensive suit up. ‘We’ve been busy outside the office but all that won’t be for long. I’ll get this to him and get it back to you’, she said, collecting the document from momoh. That was just what Tim could grab from their discussion as he joined them. ‘Good morning moh, Ms Isabella.’ ‘morning Tim, restful night?,replied Momoh. ‘yeah!’ Isabella continued like the document was more important. As a matter of fact, it was work and work was far more important to her. ‘Ms Isabella?’called out Tim and she barely murmured a response to Tim as she turned and walked away from the boys in the direction of her office. ‘Shuo! Tim what was that all about?’ asked Momoh. ‘I don’t know’ Tim answered back. He wasn’t lying when he said that.

“Was that really necessary bela?’ Her conscience reprimanded her. Now shut from the rest of the office and him,she was thankful of the privacy that comes with having an office that leads right to the chairman’s. By now nosy beautiful colleagues would be sticking out hands of pretend friendship if her office were elsewhere or vulture looking thirsty males would be trying to get at her. She already spotted the looks in the eyes of a few male colleagues she had passed a few times around the office. She didn’t have time for them but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t dispose of them easily with her ready-to-go bag of curve balls always at her disposal. She had time for him though, she was armed ready to a strand for him. ‘Easy now dear conscience! Don’t go soft on me, at least not on this one’ bela said out loud to an empty office and her conscience.’He wasn’t soft then,I promise I won’t be now’. She further added and that hushed her conscience whom was fighting to perform its consciencely duties to her.

The office line ringing nearby at her desk further sealed that episode shut. Grabbing the phone,she immediately recognized the voice of the chairman. She took some notes,read out some and with a ‘yes sir!’, the call came to an end.She immediately got down to carrying out some of the orders that were given from over the phone.‎Busy minutes later and a gentle tap on the door did nothing to get her attention. Whoever was at the other end of the door repeated the process once or twice and with no answer, put himself right in the office anyway. Tim watched her slender,long fingers busy away on the PC just for a second before her nose sniffed his presence. Raising her eyes to him, the two were transfixed for half a minute. In that state, she lost her composure and gained it back even faster. As she did, her face gave nothing away, other than a scowl that ran swiftly and sat on her face. Seemingly to say to him ‘I don’t want you here’, while on the contrary she did. Even though it was just for his toture and her pleasure.

Standing there for as long as that little time took, he realized he had not gotten back his disappeared confidence that took flight at the first sight of her. The scowl made his stomach knot up and a hard swallow of spit seemed his only way to get it back in formation. Before he could speak, her voice had sternly said ‘Yes?’

Her eyes bore into his soul and hung him upside down. He managed to find his voice from the depth of his unknotting stomach. ‘The chairman called and asked to give you this document. He said something about you getting it signed and getting it back to me’. A sweat broke at his back. For once, he was grateful for the layers of clothing that he wore that hid this. Deep down, he wondered how she was able to do this to him with as much as do nothing. He cussed himself Silently for being this way around her. He handed the document over to her and she resumed what was interrupted, barely managing to say to him that she would notify him when it was ready.‎It was all a front, at least when she was around the office or him. Deep down, she cared way too much,why else would she go all this Length at a supposed get back?

As human as she was, she wouldn’t even secretly admit it to her inner self not even with a whisper. Getting back to her apartment after work that day, one she shared with her long time friend, Ngozi, she was glad it was void of her presence. She needed the void to air out her thoughts. If only to leave them scattered around the corners of the apartment for awhile to better get them in superb line up shape, aimed at her goal.

The pair appeared to be engaged in a discourse as they are towards Tim. ‘Ah! Tim! Just the person I was looking for’, said the chairman, as they covered the distance from Where Tim stood. That, thereby haulting the discourse between the chairman and the shadowry lady in all black. ‘Good morning sir’, answered Tim. With his talk like Tim had said nothing, the chairman went on saying,’I want you to meet Ms Isabella’. Just then, the lady in all black stepped out of the chairman’s shadow to unveil herself,-her face. Stunned was the first emotion of several that Tim could grab a hold of at that moment. ‘She’s my new P.A’ continued the chairman. ‘Henceforth, you all will have to go through her to get to me.’ With that said, the pair continued down the aisle, where Tim had come from, resuming also their haulted discourse.

His morning and the next phase of his life had just being ruined. He managed to wobble his way to his office. He slumped on his chair and replayed that moment she unveiled herself -her face. At the glimpse of her face, his confidence evaporated through all confidence of the office building. It was only one female asides his mother who could do that to him. Yet she walked past him as if she didn’t know him from before. ‘How Did this happen?’ He kept saying to himself. He needed an answer and she was the best person to tell of the answer.

‎Oh boy! Did you see that our chairman’s P.A? She set die!’ That jabbed him out of his soliloquizing and into the goofy face of his colleague and friend. ‘Ermm, yes I did, said Tim. ‘Did you know anything about that before now?’ Tim further asked. ‘Ah Ah! Who supposedly know anything? No be our oga at the top like you?’ replied Momoh his friend. ‘True! But I obviously didn’t know.’ ‘I wonder why oga feel the need for a P.A,especially that kind P.A. I hope it only stays as P.A matter o! said momoh with humour chipped right in the middle. ‘Hmmmn!’ The only reply Tim could mutter. It in fact wasn’t a reply but a projection of the thoughts he had in mind and momoh wouldn’t and couldn’t know this. As if to regain composure but only for a few minutes, Tim asked Momoh for the file he had requested the day before, for reviews. When the two were done with their business, momoh left. Leaving Tim to billions of distracting thoughts, all towards the lady in black. The rest of his day went uneventful even though he was clouded by paperwork and meetings. At close of work that day, he left the office 5’9 and even shorter than that for his confidence had since evaporated at her sight.

Tim never took off his confidence. He was always well dressed in it. It was almost as if it were his second skin. He wore it like one would wear a very expensive accessory, only that he never took it off:at least the world thinks that and Tim almost believes it’s indeed that way.

Trendy was his middle name. He rocked every Trendy look like it was birthed from his person. At 5’9, he considered himself short,but for whatever inches in height he felt he was short of, his confidence was his stilettos.

Head shaved bald,face decorated with well groomed adjoining moustache and beard streaming down from both cheeks. He was a true version of the #beardgang model. With structurally fine chiseled triceps and biceps in place, a crooked but charming smile, he was what Is now said, “a baby boy”.

As was custom, his confidence precedes and announces his presence like a stilettos would on a marble floor. Flushes, gushed and blushes prepared themselves to visit his female admirers as he stepped into the office building. He usually indulged them with his smile-that smile, and they all think, soon it will be my turn. To be picked, cooked and eaten, like beans but in his case, he eats them raw. He had a reputation and that was it.

Tim was careful, enough to only indulge the ladies at work with his smile and that only. As a member of the management board, he ensured office scandal be far off him as much as the north pole.

His confidence did a pretty good job of announcing his entry into the office that morning, one that he would wish he had reserved. His routinely entreê act in play:where the ladies flirtatiously salute him and his returning response a smile -that smile, was cut short just at the middle of the aisle by a voice he would recognize even in death.

The smile slowly thinned out, the first of many other things that would. Heading straight to him, north of the aisle, was the chairman of the company shadowed by a lady in black -all black.

I feel the weight on my shoulders sometimes,I feel I may be consumed it bothers me day and night as I wake up in the morning, as I lay down to sleep at night, sometimes I cry wondering if I’ve got what it takes, I ask God to give me the strength and guide my part. I soldier on with hope and aspirations, sometimes I fail sometimes I win, but I never give up, no, never, i’m determined to make it no matter what it takes. Sometimes my drive and zeal makes me push the limits. I’m almost desperate at times I go to extremes, do things I said I wouldn’t do, I said I wouldn’t do this things before reality hit and I realized it’s a Wild wild world and sometimes you bend the rules and hope for some luck. This expectations are weighing heavy on me, it’s a fine line I’m treading, hoping not to lose site of what the real aim is. This isn’t a pursuit of happiness quite the opposite with similar parallels. It’s a pursuit to stay relevant and to exist so at each turn, expectations meet duty, drive and zeal provide the fuel needed to keep me going. Sometimes I just want to give up, like “God why me” how does it come easy to some, some who don’t even believe in you. But who am I to question the almighty? Is a quick dollar really worth it? I ask myself and most times I say yes. Today’s society is different from what and how our parents grew up so while they have passed on all their knowledge, it’s our duty to not just accept it but bring it up to date with society. This ain’t the 60’s anymore.I’m not desperate, no I’m not but expectations are weighing heavy on my shoulders sometimes I shed a tear just considering the possibility of being consumed, of not being able to fulfill expectations but I’m a born fighter, I’ll fight until there’s literally no fight left in me and I only see that happening when I’m six feet under the ground. Until that happens, I’ll keep feeling the weight of expectations and I’ll keep fighting. I hate to lose and I’ll never admit to being second best. It’s my self believe that I can do it if I’m devoted and put my mind to it, the drive to win means I’ll keep going even if I have lost a thousand times before I’ll keep going until I finally win, I don’t quit I can’t quit this expectations won’t just let me!!!

Give me a moment of peace
As stray bullets leaves the wrong ones dead
As killers kill d innocent at will
& those who guard are those who steal

Give me a moment to laugh
at the sorrows and pains of yesterday
The challenges life throws our way
Lost in the joys that’s lost in the world

Give me a moment to dance
With my Mother as her hair turns grey
Let my father and his grand kids play
Before death knocks or stakes a claim

Give me a moment to Live
To laugh, to learn to love and give
To shed tears of happiness at the least
To meet beauty, and be her beast

Give me a fairytale every moment of it
Let me live happily ever after and not have enough of it
While sorrows huffs and puffs and bluffs
And pain to memory submit

CHIADIKA IFEANYI

Today 6th january being my birthday, I”m thankful to God and every single one who’s been there when i needed it, special shout outs to my parents, my family, friends, chaucerxoxo, rumpelstillskin, bango, helios, jtcombs, jozi, stunner a.k.a level 3, akwuji, vinci, my classmates from way back and course mates, diamond, fellow bloggers who”ve helped me grow. anyone and everyone whose ever read a post here. i am grateful and i cant stress how much i love you. say a prayer for a brother and have a splendid day. peaace!!!!!!!!!!

don’t forget to share and reblog this with friends and follow the blog. this year is going to be entertaining trust me. 🙂