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I apologize that not all results are awesometacular, but with this much complexity going on some are bound to be a little less fun. Sorry. I also apologize for the handful of inside jokes (like sockbats or rock (or maybe a bush?) ).

EDIT::: 400 results now? Wowee!
EDIT::: 500 results! MADNESS!
EDIT::: 600. AND quite a few results were changed either because they rarely worked (C2 'Boss Of The') or just to standardize them a bit so there Are No randomly capitalized Words.

Guitar Riffs are elementals of pure guitar goodliness. They tend to keep themselves hidden, traveling around cities looking for a guitarist to appreciate. They try to avoid combat if they can, forcing their would-be aggressors to rock out and fleeing before they can retaliate. They only attack individuals who they see as particularly threatening (aka 'bad at guitar'). It is considered an irredeemable mark of shame for a professional musician or bard to be attacked by a Guitar Riff.

A Guitar Riff looks like five black rings floating in space, with a clef denoting which way they are focusing most of their attention. When the Guitar Riff makes noises, note heads appear corresponding to what was made and travel around the body, making it back to the clef when the note ends. A Guitar Riffs are almost always found in large cities, as rural areas or smaller towns don't tend to have enough guitar work to keep their interest, though a particularly skilled rural musician may find a small flock of them condensing around him.

Combat

In combat, a Guitar Riff will generally try to use its Unearthly Sound ability as effectively and often as it can. If it was attacked, it will generally try to use its flight to get away, often hiding in some obscure gutter atop one of the many buildings in the area. If some one is blaspheming against the guitar, it tends to 'show them how its done' with its Unearthly Sound, then close in and make slam attacks. They then flee right before it wears off.

Just Too Good (Su) :
The Guitar Riff is an elemental composed of pure guitar-goodness. It adds its hit dice as a competence modifier to Perform (Guitar) checks (already factored in the stats provided).

Longer, Not Fatter (Ex) :
The Guitar Riff does not suffer any dexterity penalties for going up a size category.

Unearthly Sound (Su) :
The Guitar Riff lets loose a wailing riff too good to be from the mortal plane. Once every 6 rounds, as a full round action, the Guitar Riff can make every intelligent creature within 100' make a will save (DC 15, the saving throw is charisma-based) or rock out (throw a hand in the air and bang their head vigorously). Victims that fail this save are considered flat footed and dazed the round after they stop. They continue headbanging for a number of rounds equal to the Guitar Riff's charisma modifier. Additionally, if the victim failed its saving throw by 5 points or more, it must drop every item it is carrying and pretend it is playing along. This is a mind-affecting, sonic compulsion effect.

Musical Healing (Su) :
As a being of pure music, hearing mortals make music can help mend any wounds it may have taken. Every round a Perform (Guitar) check is made by a non-elemental creature, a Guitar Riff gains a number of hit points equal to the Perform check -5. Guitar Riffs are actually harmed by poor guitar playing and are likely to attack individuals blaspheming the Holy Instrument (ie, getting perform checks under 6 consistently). Additionally, a Guitar Riff can gain temporary hit points from this (maximum determined by their hit dice; 2 temporary hit points can be had per every hit dice) and they last a number of minutes equal to the Guitar Riff's charisma modifier, however, the check must be at least twice their hit dice +5 to give them this effect.

Immunity to Sonic (Su) :
Guitar Riffs are immune to sonic damage or any spell with a (sonic) descriptor.

Vulnerable to Silence (Su) :
Any magical silence effect causes negative levels to be bestowed upon the Guitar Riff equal to the spell level it was at. For example, if a 2HD Guitar Riff was subject to a Silence spell and failed its saving throw, it would be killed instantly. If a 3HD Guitar Riff failed its saving throw, it would be considered a 1 HD Guitar Riff for the duration of the spell.

Elemental Traits (Ex) :
A Guitar Riff is immune to poison, sleep, paralysis, and stunning. Since it has no clear front or back, it is not subject to critical hits or flanking. A Guitar Riff has Darkvision up to 60' and cannot be resurrected except by a Wish or Miracle.

And because it came up... The template for

Breakdancing

Spoiler

Show

Breakdancing is a template that can be either inherited or acquired, and can be applied to any corporeal creature.

Size and Type
The base creature's size and type are not changed, except if the template was applied to an animal. It then becomes a Magical Beast.

Hit Dice
Do not change.

Saves
The Breakdancer gains the feat 'Lightning Reflexes' which results in a +2 to reflex saving throws.

Skills
The Breakdancer always considers Perform (Dancing) a class skill. If it is of a type that cannot learn skills (for example, vermin), it gains a racial bonus equal to its hit dice.

Armour Class
The Breakdancer gains a +1 dodge bonus to AC.

Special Attacks
The Breakdancer gains the ability to call forth a Dance Fight. The Breakdancer then begins breakdancing (a rigorous and complex series of motions) as a full round action. Opponents within 15' have two options: they may either accept the Dance Fight or they may ignore the Dance Fight.
If they accept the Dance Fight, they also begin breakdancing (and makes an opposed Perform (Dance) check). The winner of the Dance Fight inflicts 1d6 points of damage (the Breakdancer can make any amount subdual that it wishes) on the loser per point that their check surpassed the loser's.

Alternately, the opponent can ignore the check. The Perform Check is considered the Breakdancer's AC, and the opponent takes 1d6 points of damage per class level (the attacker's class level, not the Breakdancer's, and once again the Breakdancer can make any amount of the damage subdual) if it misses, due to the Breakdancer using its fly moves to trip up and use its uncultured enemy's tactless maneuvering against it. If the enemy wants to cast a spell, it must make a concentration check that surpasses the Breakdancer's Perform check, else it is disrupted.

The opponent can choose to ignore the Breakdancer if it wants. Creatures not within 15' are not affected. This is an extraordinary ability.

Re: Greatest Random Encounter Chart Ever

It doesn't include Two Men Playing Texas Hold 'Em With A Deck Of Many Things.

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Spoiler

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Originally Posted by Kalirren

The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.

Originally Posted by golentan

I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

Avatar by Rain Dragon

Wish building characters for D&D 3.5 was simpler? Try HeroForge Anew! An Excel-based, highly automated character builder. v7.4 now out!

Spell Casting: The Pregnant Glitter Pope cast spells as a 4th level Cleric. The DC of his spells is 14+ Spell level. The Pregnant Glitter Pope may not cast spells with the Evil Descriptor.

Luminescent: The Pregnant Glitter Pope glows with a sparkling radiance, extending a 60 foot radius of light around him at all times, as per the daylight spell. In addition, every round the light cast from a Pregnant Glitter Pope is within range of a darkness spell or a spell with the figment or shadow subtype, he automatically makes a dispel check with a caster level of 6 against the affect.

With Child: The Pregnant Glitter Pope has entered his third trimester and is showing. Any creature with an intelligence score of 3 or more attempting to strike the Pregnant Glitter Pope must make a DC 18 will save or be overcome by guilt, forcing them to attack another target instead. Creatures must also make this check if a spell or spell like ability would harm the Pregnant Glitter Pope, either through hit point damage or ability damage. Non-overtly threatening attacks such as hold person are to affected by this ability. The save DC is wisdom based.

Spiritual Leader: The Pregnant Glitter Pope is a spiritual leader. All NPCs that share a religion with the Pregnant Glitter Pope have an initial attitude of friendly and are willing to provide most services for free. This ability also grants the Pregnant Glitter Pope the leadership feat with a +6 inherent bonus to his leadership score.

Pope's Regalia: The Pregnant Glitter Pope always has two items on his person, regardless of any other material wealth. The Pope's regalia consists of two items, The Robe of the Pregnant Pope, and the Righteous Glittering Hat of the Pope. The Robe of the Pregnant Pope functions as a +2 Set of Cloth armor with the ability to cast cure light wounds or remove disease, or any combination of the two, 4 times per day. The Righteous Glittering Hat of the Pope provides a +1 sacred bonus to AC and provides a +2 Sacred bonus to the caster level of any spells with the Good, Light, or Healing descriptors.

Spell Casting: The Pregnant Glitter Pope cast spells as a 4th level Cleric. The DC of his spells is 14+ Spell level. The Pregnant Glitter Pope may not cast spells with the Evil Descriptor.

Luminescent: The Pregnant Glitter Pope glows with a sparkling radiance, extending a 60 foot radius of light around him at all times, as per the daylight spell. In addition, every round the light cast from a Pregnant Glitter Pope is within range of a darkness spell or a spell with the figment or shadow subtype, he automatically makes a dispel check with a caster level of 6 against the affect.

With Child: The Pregnant Glitter Pope has entered his third trimester and is showing. Any creature with an intelligence score of 3 or more attempting to strike the Pregnant Glitter Pope must make a DC 18 will save or be overcome by guilt, forcing them to attack another target instead. Creatures must also make this check if a spell or spell like ability would harm the Pregnant Glitter Pope, either through hit point damage or ability damage. Non-overtly threatening attacks such as hold person are to affected by this ability. The save DC is wisdom based.

Spiritual Leader: The Pregnant Glitter Pope is a spiritual leader. All NPCs that share a religion with the Pregnant Glitter Pope have an initial attitude of friendly and are willing to provide most services for free. This ability also grants the Pregnant Glitter Pope the leadership feat with a +6 inherent bonus to his leadership score.

Pope's Regalia: The Pregnant Glitter Pope always has two items on his person, regardless of any other material wealth. The Pope's regalia consists of two items, The Robe of the Pregnant Pope, and the Righteous Glittering Hat of the Pope. The Robe of the Pregnant Pope functions as a +2 Set of Cloth armor with the ability to cast cure light wounds or remove disease, or any combination of the two, 4 times per day. The Righteous Glittering Hat of the Pope provides a +1 sacred bonus to AC and provides a +2 Sacred bonus to the caster level of any spells with the Good, Light, or Healing descriptors.

This was all in good fun. Please, please, please, no one be offended.

I love you.

Also: why does the POPE have str14? Not to sound like a capitalistic oppressor, but... he has people to DO that for him now.

Also, you'd think that his CR would increase over his class levels by at least 2. Especially with that elite array and all.

Spell Casting: The Pope-Mobile Riding Super-Powered Self-Playing Xilophone casts spells as a 3rd level Bard. The DC of its spells is 13 + spell level. Though a Pope-Mobile Riding Super-Powered Self-Playing Xilophone can't cast spells with somatic components, it may exchange any verbal or material component with its self playing as a Free Action.

Bardic Music and Bardic Knowledge: The Pope-Mobile Riding Super-Powered Self-Playing Xilophone can make use of Bardic Music skills, and it's Bardic Knowledge as if it were a 6th level Bard.

Improved Fascinate: The Pope-Mobile Riding Super-Powered Self-Playing Xilophone can make use of its Fascinate Bardic Music to affect ANYTHING capable of hearing (except the Pregnant Glitter Pope). The affected creature may not be able to SEE the Pope-Mobile Riding Super-Powered Self-Playing Xilophone, but must still be able to hear it.

Persistant Fascinate: The Pope-Mobile Riding Super-Powered Self-Playing Xilophone can play it's fascinating song as long as it wants, and it's effects won't wore off until three days have passed, during which the affected creature(s) will want to listen to that beautiful song again.

Infinity Fascinate: The Pope-Mobile Riding Super-Powered Self-Playing Xilophone can select an unlimited number of creatures as the targets of his Fascinate Bardic Music, and can use it's Fascinate music as many times a day as it wants.

Re: Greatest Random Encounter Chart Ever

Ok, before the yardsale closes I quickly grab some spaghetti off the stuff so I don't have to use my trail rations, and then buy a few of the cursed potions to slip to enemies (or at least resell if I can't use them, since with 50% off I can get the same price back selling them to some other merchant).

Self-replicating Crying Tombraider

I dominate it and use it to finish Tomb of Horrors for me. It needs to be self-replicating since things die there so quickly, and of course in ToH there's lots of reasons to cry. ;)

Helicopter riding Cursed Gelatinous Pyramid

Gelatinous Cube's have Int 0, so I assume a Gelatinous Pyramid isn't any smarter. Since such a creature (especially if cursed) is no way capable of knowing how to fly a helicopter, I run and get out from underneath it and wait 30 seconds or so until it crashes in a big fireball. ;)

Re: Greatest Random Encounter Chart Ever

I picture a very confused Quetzacoatl flying around clumsily with a spiked chain in its tail. In combat it would be very vicious just through random thrashing, though would probably kill itself within seconds...

The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.

Originally Posted by golentan

I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

Avatar by Rain Dragon

Wish building characters for D&D 3.5 was simpler? Try HeroForge Anew! An Excel-based, highly automated character builder. v7.4 now out!

Swampwalk (Ex): Sewer Dwelling Lumberjacks take no penalty to movement in up to chest deep fetid, filth-filled water. In addition, in such water, they can hold their breath up to four times their constitution modifier in rounds, and they gain a +4 racial bonus to hide.

Disengorge Cheese (Ex): Three times per day, a Goat Cheese Hoarding Lumberjack can spew forth a 30ft cone of foul smelling ichor composed primarily of partial digested goat cheese and bile. Those who fail a DC 18 fortitude save are nauseated by the experience for 1d3+2 rounds. Those who succeed are still traumatized by the event, becoming shaken for the same number of rounds. The save is constitution based and includes a +2 feat bonus.

Timber Chop (Ex): A Lumberjack that hits with a Greataxe attack can attempt to trip the opponent (+8 check modifier) as a free action without making a touch attack or provoking an attack of opportunity. If the attempt fails, the opponent cannot react to trip the Lumberjack.