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My mom was online today trying to find out some information as to why OW doesn't have custody of her child. I know she is trying to be helpful but the more we dig the more we find. And it always ends up hurting me.

She found a traffic ticket for WH from the beginning of March, two counties over where OW lives. He told me this started in May. At this point who knows how long its been going on. I told my mom to stop looking things up. I can't take anymore. He is a liar. Plain and simple. I wish that my kids didn't need to be around him. He is the most cruel person I have ever met in my life.

I'm so stressed. I want to confront him with this information but I know I need to keep NC.

Why? Why do they do this?

Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing

Burn everything love then burn the ashes.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008

LadyQ♀ 32847Member # 32847

Posted: 10:47 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013

I'm so sorry he's hurt you like this. I agree that at this point, there is no need to dig for more information. Once I made the decision to divorce, I basically stopped looking for anything else. There didn't seem to be any point any more. I will say that I would get out the evidence I had collected just to firm my resolve--especially when he started the whole "I'm gonna nice her back into my grasp" game.

Hang in there, hangingon. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it really will be better!

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011

Pass♂ 38122Member # 38122

Posted: 10:52 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013

Selfish arseholes. Every one of them. The answer doesn't have to go any deeper than that.

I'm sorry you're in this new (renewed) pain.

Cheating louse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 13 and 16
DDay: Nov 15/2012
Separated Mar 2/2013 after 17 years married. Will we ever be divorced?

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3237 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada

tesla♀ 34697Member # 34697

Posted: 11:09 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013

Sometimes when my sister checks stripper whores fb page she feels the need to fill me in on the latest drama. I've asked her to stop because I just don't give a shit anymore...I only want to know if something negligent pops up.

You will never unravel the ball of lies he has wound up. Someday it won't bother you, I promise.

(((hangingon)))

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4959 | Registered: Jan 2012

soverybetrayed♀ 32948Member # 32948

Posted: 5:41 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013

I was obsessed and continued to dig stuff up after I left him. I knew that it was the only way I would find the truth out about him. I was glad that I did keep looking because if I had stopped I would never have discovered that he was posting pics of himself cross dressing on fetish websites and trolling for local men and women for hook=ups. It also helped me in court to prove that he was a cross dresser and had failed to tell me before we married. He was dumb enough to tell the judge that some of the pictures we submitted were BEFORE he met me. Idiot proved my case for me. He also admitted in court that he threatened my life.

Sometimes you need to dig to prove to yourself you know as much as you need to know or to prove something in court. If you have all you need to know then tell your mom that you really do not want to know anymore. Don't confront him, use it as evidence or to get what you want in the divorce.

Me- Happily single
Divorced 8/23/2012
I am stronger and better than before.

Posts: 1322 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas

SBB♀ 35229Member # 35229

Posted: 7:02 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013

Once I made the decision to divorce, I basically stopped looking for anything else.

^^THIS. I knew enough to make my decision. If I do wonder about "if" he did something my response is always "probably, arsehole".

Contributing him would do no good. Cheaters lie, liars cheat.

I also second the suggestion of not letting people tell you things about him. I have people trying to "OMFG - you won't believe this!!" me all the time. Actually, I can believe it. Whatever it is. I don't need to know it.

((HOTH)) I've had many lightbulb moments over the last year where all sorts of puzzle pieces fell into place. I knew there were more OW than the one he would admit to but there were so many more it made my head spin. I'm also certain a few of the were LTAs.

It hurts. It is shocking. It is so very cruel.

NC = No New Hurts.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5988 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia

hangingontohope7♀ 20024Member # 20024

Posted: 7:55 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013

Thanks for the advice. I told my mom that I know she is trying to be helpful but please no more searching. I think she really wants to uncover some deep, dark secret that will blow his chances for custody. But unfortunately, his infidelity doesn't equate to "unfit parent" in the court system.

My attorney told me yesterday, it doesn't matter if he slept with one woman or one hundred women during the past 5 years, while we were trying to rebuild our marriage. He has proven that he doesn't want to change. And, I can't blame myself for not knowing or for giving him a second chance from the first time. What matters now is that I'm on the road to a happier life.

Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel this soon after DDay #2. It was a good 2 years after DDay #1 that I started to feel okay. Maybe this time will be different because I know its over. There will be no more looking over my shoulder, checking phone calls, wondering why he is 20 minutes late coming home from work.

I don't know what the future holds but atleast I feel, I don't know... I can't say good, maybe more like relieved that I took some control back by contacting a lawyer and taking the steps necessary to protect my kids and myself.

Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing

Burn everything love then burn the ashes.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008

Ashland13♀ 38378Member # 38378

Posted: 6:16 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013

Yes,

Here too, people filter me information that I find more painful than not knowing.

L is digging and I asked him not to show me as STBXH himself is a trigger at times and it took a while to realize that.

People here searched for a while or just came upon things and I also finally asked them to stop telling me.

I also asked STBX to not tell me details, because of the pain. He does not get it.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3031 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England

tabitha95♀ 22033Member # 22033

Posted: 7:43 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013

On d-day #2, when I decided to leave, XH all of a sudden started to come clean on things he had lied about. Things I had questioned him about that never seemed right and swearing that he was telling the truth. Once he started, I cut him off. I didn't care. He was a liar that was all I needed to know. Why would I care anymore to hear what are probably more lies. Maybe he wanted to finally come clean and lift the weight off his shoulders, I wasn't going to be that person for him either.