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Monthly Archives: February 2010

The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part; the essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well. – Pierre de Coubertin
1863-1937
Founder of the International Olympic Committee
“Father” of the modern Olympic Games

The 2010 Olympic Winter Games in Vancouver end this Sunday February 28.

I basically don’t care about the musical chairs relationships of Hollywood types, but I thought the following story was indicative of our culture in general…and that is not a good thing.

This headline was important enough to show up in the Top 20 stories of Google News recently: “Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz Get Cozy in Miami.” The piece started out: “Don’t tell Madonna, but New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez was spotted getting cozy with Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz at a pre-Super Bowl party in Miami last weekend.” According to this inane report, she was tipsy, flirty, and began “grinding on ‘A-Rod’, who had just broken up with Kate Hudson. Clearly, sports is not the only thing for which you need a score card!

Generally, women who have nothing going on in their lives become groupies, because attachment to a star (even in their imaginations, much less their beds) brings them a feeling of importance. Madonna, Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz are all successful in their own right, so “groupie-ness” is not the issue. Then what is? What makes women “give it up” so easily for a guy who is good-looking, successful and has lots of money? I guess it’s the looks and success, and the feeling that even more money is always good.

There is so little dignity left in Hollywood’s elite, and many political marriages are also aflame with betrayals. Our young girls grow up next to young boys who have both misguided values and expectations. The boys realize that respect and courtship are irrelevant when it comes to getting sex and companionship; the girls think that explosive beginnings mean something deeper.

I had one female caller who was just amazed at my admonition not to have sex as a flirtation, rite of dating, way to get to know someone, or stress releaser. She actually was surprised when I suggested to her (and her 21 year-old “reality”) that scarcity brings value. While that is an economic issue, it also works for interpersonal relationships. If the act of sexual intercourse is to mean anything, it has to have a context of love and commitment, and that is a scarce resource.

People wonder why they’re depressed, anxious, unhappy, unfulfilled, lost, or compulsive about hookups. There is an inherent knowledge that meaning and purpose are everything to their psychological well-being, but they are surrounded by the likes of an A-Rod and Madonna world which tells them there isn’t any, except for notoriety and sexual flamboyance.

It’s sad, really, because there is more to morality than just being a “rule system of the constipated,” which, unfortunately, is what too many people believe. Morality is a means by which we make human beings rise above the rest of the animal kingdom with symbols and actions: like marriage and commitment, for example.

In Port St. Lucie, Florida recently, a six year old was handcuffed (actually, one handcuff was put over both hands – she was a little girl), and hauled off to a mental facility. The parents were all hysterical and angry that their “little baby” was treated this way.

The mother, who works in day care, said “There is absolutely nothing wrong with my child.” Her father said that what happened to his daughter was “just wrong.”

The school contacted this little girl’s parents several times about setting up a meeting to discuss her violent behavior in the classroom, but they never showed up. Hmmmm.

Here’s what happened on that particular day:

The kid had yet another tantrum in the classroom after the teacher simply asked her to do something, and the girl was taken to the principal’s office. The principal, 8 months pregnant, endured the kid yelling, throwing things, kicking the wall, throwing a calculator, electric pencil sharpener, telephone, container of writing utensils and everything else on the desk. The kid then physically attacked the pregnant principal, who called the police.

In my opinion, the police and the principal did exactly the right thing. Leave it up to the medical authorities to determine whether this girl is being extremely poorly parented or in need of mental health treatment.

There are those who cry over how little this girl is and wring their hands and say that there must have been some other way. No, there wasn’t. The parents did not take responsibility, and their shame was delivered as arrogance as they sought sympathy (and probably a lawsuit).

The school is supposed to be a safe place. This girl was, and is, a threat to other students, the faculty, and herself. I stand behind the school, the teacher, and the principal. I wish we could arrest the parents for negligence in letting their daughter’s behavior get this far.

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation. – George Washington
First President of the United States

I got a wonderful email from Sylvia, which I want to share with you all:

Dr. Laura:

This is a lesson my mother taught me, but I thought you would approve of her very good advice.

I am a southern “belle.” Though I have lived all over the world and do not possess the characteristic lilting southern drawl, I am, in fact, a belle through and through. When raised as a girl in the south, you learn (amongst other things) a true appreciation of the beauty and power of words. We southern girls are thoroughly schooled in the art and craft of words. We learn, very young, how to paint a picture with words. We learn to exploit the rhythm and cadence of language. We speak softly in order to draw in our listener (thus focusing all attention on ourselves). Really – who doesn’t like a whisper? We speak slowly, because anticipation makes everything more enjoyable. Really – who doesn’t like to be made to wait…just a little?

I will often send my husband an email designed to make the air around him stand still. I can still make his mouth water with just words. I can make his mind linger and dwell on me all day, with just a softly spoken sentence as he leaves for work in the morning. Sometimes, in the afternoon, I’ll call him up just to say “I was daydreaming about you just now. I was remembering how sweet you are and how you still make my heart beat faster.” This is not just some idle exercise. This is the ultimate investment in my family. This is what makes my husband anxious to get home to me, even after fifteen years.

Through flirting, I reap a harvest of sweetness, kindness, gentleness and playfulness. Flirting is a gift we give to each other. It keeps alive the sweetness and excitement of our early dating days. Flirting is like a gentle touch. It is stroking the ego of the one you love. It is titillation pure and simple. It is foreplay with words and humor. Flirting is the secret that all other women know. Flirting is the difference between “ho-hum” and “hot!” It is something you miss when it’s lacking and you often don’t even realize it. Flirting captures the mind, and where the mind goes, the body soon follows.

So ladies, flirt with your husband. Here, let me help you out: send an email to the one you love today and simply say “I thought of you today. I thought that if you were a book, then I would like to read you and re-read you, over and over again.”

British Airways passengers who refuse to submit to what is an astonishingly controversial full body scan will be barred from boarding their flights. FANTASTIC! And they also eliminated the ban on scanning children under the age of 18. FANTASTIC! Wow. To know you’re not going to have to worry about the guy next to you lighting up a bomb in his private parts is a blessing.

Now why would anyone be against this? Well think of conspiracy nuts, “big brother” nuts, and people who are anti-Western civilization, as well as those who are anarchists. As far as I’m concerned, they can all ride a bus or get some exercise on their bicycle or rent a little boat and cross the ocean on their own.

Oh, and by the way, the image generated by the body scanner can’t be stored or captured, nor can security officers recognize individuals from viewing the images.

This is not (as some naysayers proclaim) an indication that the “bad guys” have won. It’s a technology which thwarts their means of killing us. Issues of life and death take precedence over silly sentiments of “modesty” when our media has elevated immodesty to a perverted art.