David Hiltbrand

Inquirer TV Critic

Last night’s finale of Kate Plus Eight meant that Mommy Dearest had one hour to burn all her bridges. It took her about two minutes.

First we got to see the bitter aftermath of Kate’s towering tirade during last week’s RV caravan to the Grand Canyon (see video below) .

Sweet, shy Ashley, the longtime Gosselin babysitter who presumably was receiving combat pay walked away in the middle of production in the middle of nowhere. “I would die for these kids,” a tearful Ashley said, “but I can’t spend one more minute with her.”

Kate’s bff Jamie really had to resist the urge to jump ship as well. “You can blame that you treat people badly because of stress,” she said, “but that’s no excuse to treat the people that love you the most and are closest to you so poorly.”

Wake up and smell the endorsements, Jamie. That selfish and cruel behavior has been the driving force behind the six-year Gosselin TV franchise. Yeah, you had a nursery bursting with cute babies. That was as addictive as puppy cam.

But the dynamic that made the show compelling viewing was Kate’s overwhelming narcissism. It was all about her and how she was reflected in the mirror of the TV camera. Everyone else – her husband, even her children – existed only as planetoids orbiting in her light.

Typical of a narcissist, she used last night’s finale as a bully pulpit to proclaim how selfless she has always been. She did the show for the fans..the little old grannies out there who would send her ten dollars in the mail to make sure the kids were fed. She did the show for the kids, so their lives would be enriched and they wouldn’t have to grow up like her without ever getting to see anything outside the state of Pennsylvania.

The rationalization I enjoyed the most: “I’m not a crabby mommy. I’m just edited to look that way.” In other words, the producers winnow through hundreds of hours of footage to find that one moment that I was screaming in the kids’ faces from a distance of two inches.

You have to give her props for going easy on her ex, Jon. There was a definite effort on her part not to trash him in her final testimonials. OK, she got off a few zingers near the end, but all in all, a surprisingly generous showing.

At one point, the producers asked her on-camera what her reaction was when she learned the show had been cancelled.

“I first thought: ‘Holy Cow, I’m unemployed and I have eight kids to provide for’.”

To be more precise, Kate, you just got off the reality show gravy train and reentered the reality most of us know.

It’s a world where you have to pay your own way, where every product, service, home improvement and deluxe vacation is not provided gratis to you by some eager sponsor.

Asked about her future plans, Kate not surprisingly assured us that she, and the kids, would be back on TV soon. One way or the other. That’s a rather dismal prospect, because at this point, Kate, you need us a whole lot more than we need you.