Wednesday, January 19, 2005

A Glow, a Gotta Go and a very painful Uh-Oh...

First things first.

Yes, I got some last night! (The Odd Wife leaps up from her keyboard and high-fives each of you) It was lovely. It was tender. It was passionate. And afterwards, we lay snuggled close and talking softly in the dark about our sex life, our love and how close we feel to each other. It was lovely.

On to the second issue. Gotta Go. What the heck??? I am having to urinate so often that it's making me crazy. No pain, so not like a bladder infection. And unfortunately, I am not pregnant. I took the test last night. I was really hoping for a positive. I am worried about the increase. I'm also thirsty all the time. I wake up practically gasping for a drink and feeling dehydrated. Plus, I am exhausted at night. I have a feeling it may be time to see a doctor and discuss diabetes. Damn, damn, damn. I've had high blood pressure for too long, so this is a natural concern.

Now for my uh-oh. And this is a big one for me. You've all heard me bitch incessantly about the woman EH had his online affair with. I maintain that I have every right to bitch all I like until it's out of my system. It's a way of dealing with it still. But I have come to learn she intends to republish her archives, including things my husband and she did, wrote, said. The blood just drains from me to hear that.

So...this next part is an open letter to this woman who I suspect peeks here from time to time.

Have a heart. I understand that you perceive yourself to be on some sort of life journey discovering yourself and you feel no regret or compassion for the things you have done - but the simple fact is, you leave a wake of destruction in your path and people have been deeply hurt as you go about finding yourself. As you add in your older archives, please consider for just a moment that you are reposting things that will once again cause pain, strife and hurt. I do not want to ever re-read the details of my husband's involvement with you. I do not want to ever read words he wrote to you. And I don't want them posted on a public forum where you generously provided the public with my full name for the reading enjoyment of the public.

Family members have "googled" my name in random horsing around online and read the story of my husband and you. EH's family. My family. At some point, my daughter could read that. You played a major role in nearly destroying my marriage, a major role in the loss of my child prematurely to stress while you taunted and provoked me online and you continue to embarass our family with your public record of a private matter.

I am asking you to please remove every reference to your relationship with my husband from your blog and archives. I am asking you not to fill that 4 month gap that I know contains the entire story of my greatest pain.

I am asking you to have compassion. And I am asking you nicely.

What I write here in my blog occasionally talks about the recovery of our marriage after your "dalliance" in it. That's quite different from reading my husband's words to you again. You can not know the physical pain I actually experience just thinking you might republish this.

You bore the brunt of my anger and hatred, but only in text words. At no point did I cause your family the pain you caused ours. That was restraint on my part. There was a time I printed every nude photo you sent to my husband, every page of your blog and every photo you had on your blog and had them nicely copied and bound. I was prepared to mail these to every church of your denomination in the entire county you live in. To every high school. To every elementary school. To every private school. Just waiting for someone to recognize you. I didn't do that. It would have been a fair revenge, but I never did it. Instead, I resolved to have no contact with you.

Don't continue to cause us pain. You have moved on. Let us move on also. Please do not republish your affair with my husband.

I won't pretend that I don't hate you with every fiber of my being. I do. I always will. But I don't make efforts to hurt you or cause you pain. If you feel a need to discuss this, email me privately. I am deeply hopeful that you will grant me this plea. I am hopeful that you will show some compassion, some amount of kindness - some sense of responsibility for the lives you hurt.

Please. I truly am begging you. Let this fade from memory, don't refresh all the pain and anger. Believe me when I tell you that NOTHING good can come of it.