(This is the point where I may have uttered, ‘Oh no.’ Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

It was not a bad night for the Gambling Addiction Enabler. If not for Jorge Rivera pulling out a decision victory over Nissen Osterneck, it would have been absolutely perfect. Alas, it wasn’t to be, though I can’t really complain.

The Bet: $20 on Martin Kampmann at -120The Result: Won $16.67Thoughts: I’ll admit it, when it came time for the judges’ decision to be announced and I heard the phrase “Judge Cecil Peoples scores the bout…” I was prepared to see my money go swirling down the drain. Thankfully there were two sane men at Octagonside, so justice prevailed. And like Thomas Jefferson said, “The best brand of justice is that which pays cash money, dog.”

The Bet: $20 on Nissen Osterneck at +140The Result: LostThoughts: You know what’s weird? When you win money on a split decision it feels great. But when you lose on a split decision, it just makes you angry. Since we didn’t get a chance to see this fight aired I can’t argue with the outcome, which is a shame because I’d really like to. Instead I have to assume that Jorge Rivera was the better man and that Osterneck is not worthy of my money ever again.

The Bet: $20 parlay on Bader + Griffin + Credeur + SimpsonThe Result: Won $73Thoughts: The Official Cage Potato Parlay continues to be a prudent investment. And there’s something about getting a parlay right that makes you feel like a freaking genius, even if you did bet on all favorites. If I don’t watch out I’m going to start feeling too good about myself and end up risking more than a measly twenty bucks on these parlays. Then things will really get out of hand.

Didn’t Bet On:Junie Browning. As you’ll recall I was fool enough to pick him, but not quite fool enough to put my money where my mouth was. Score one for sensible restraint.

Didn’t Bet Against:Brock Larson. He was a huge favorite over Jesse Sanders, and now we know why. Those oddsmakers didn’t get their jobs because they have no idea what they’re doing. They got them because they flunked out of Princeton after getting hooked on smack.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere, but I have no idea what it is and I’m tired of all this thinking. If you need me, my winnings and I will be at the bar.

Anyone who thought Kampmann won that fight is retarded. Condit clearly won the first two rounds, although the second round was close. You deserve to lose your $20.

Anonymous- April 3, 2009 at 12:42 am

what website do you guys use for betting on mma? is it legal in all the states? it's most likely offshore right?

imalebowski- April 2, 2009 at 10:19 pm

i don't have the balls to gamble. actually, i don't even have balls. it sucks, cause i'm a dude.

slapjaw ackrite- April 2, 2009 at 9:05 pm

@ JRE and Anonymous and CAPS LICK HOLE

Anonymous Top Team would wreck any Xtreme Anonymous poster. ALL WHO THINK OTHERWISE ARE CUNTCYSTS AND IM ALWAYS RIGHT EVEN THOUGH KENTUCKY IS ASHAMED OF ME AND RAH RAH RAH MOTHERFUCKERS.

lol sorry had to, think I'm lil bipolar sometimes

Dex- April 2, 2009 at 7:07 pm

That is an awesome pic. I can hear Kampmann's corner now.... "2 ON 1, 2 ON 1!!"

mexican arm bar- April 2, 2009 at 7:05 pm

too bad it doesn't matter what u guys think. Condit shouldn't of spent the last round on his back. what makes things worse for him is the hype he had coming in.what is really sad is all u guys are still hyped about him . i bet he wouldnt even stand a chance a against josh Koshcheck.

Zac- April 2, 2009 at 6:50 pm

i was utterly in shock when they said that kampmann won...I believe condit won all the way.

thomas jefferson- April 2, 2009 at 6:47 pm

cash money dawg

CAPS LOCK HAL- April 2, 2009 at 6:47 pm

JUNIE IS HE THE BEST THE UFC HAS TO OFFER. NO ONE CAN BEAT HIM MORE THEN ONCE. HE WILL BE BACK AFTER COLE, AND HE WILL PICK HIM UP, DUMP HIM ON HIS SKINNY LITTLE HEAD, AND FUCK HIS SKINNY LITTLE ASS INTO SUBMISSION. WE WILL THEN SEE WHO IS OVERRATED FROM THAT MOMENT ON. LIKE I SAID. ALL JUNIE DID WAS TRIPPED ON A WRINCKLE ON THE MAT, AND WHILE HE TRIED TO CATCH HIMSELF COLE SNATCHED HIS NECK UP, AND BASICALLY COUGHT HIM OFF GUARD, AND THAT IS THAT. THE UFC JUST NEEDS TO PAY ALITTLE MORE ATTENTION TO THE STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS THAT SET UP THE OCTAGON BEFORE EVERY SHOW. JUNIE WAS FUCKIN BOOBY TRAPPED. YOU DUMB FUCKS ARE JUST TO BLIND TO FUCKIN SEE IT, AND FESS UP TO THE FACTS. YOU'LL SEE ONE OF THESE DAYS THAT I'M NOTHING BUT RIGHT ON EVERYTHING THAT I SAY. I MEAN EVERYTHING. TILL THEN, FUCK YOU ALL YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKERS.

bitteralex- April 2, 2009 at 6:38 pm

i knew the first guy before he got famous...

celebrity has changed him...

Rault- April 2, 2009 at 6:11 pm

I didn't have any money on it but I also think Condit won that fight without a doubt. Someone please remind me why takedowns are worth more than damage done?

Anonymous- April 2, 2009 at 5:54 pm

But I am allergict to latex, fulltilt maybe?

N2IT- April 2, 2009 at 5:45 pm

Eat a bag of dicks cuse Condit won that shit.

I say rematch muh fuckas

JRE- April 2, 2009 at 5:39 pm

Wow 1st guy, you really got alot of fame from posting 1st. every comment on this page is about you. your mom will probably be telling all her quilting group friends about your accomplishments. You should get a freaking medal and a cookie cause your all that and a dime sack! You should maybe start your own gym and train people on how to be 1st on blogs, you can call it Xtreme Anonymous! Send out info on it so I can join and then one day I can be as cool as you and maybe I can be 1st! Have you been approached by any sponsors yet? Because I hear some other guy got a Gatorade sponsorship for being 1st on BloodyElbow the other day. Maybe you can get CondomDepot or someone like that to sponsor you....

jomamma- April 2, 2009 at 5:30 pm

i say Kampman won.

by a pubic hair.

jomamma- April 2, 2009 at 5:25 pm

oh how I wish that I could be first guy. alas, I have a pesky job, a woman (pesky as well), friends, family, muisc, love & a life. if only I had none of these things I could be anonymous first guy. the one sits all day on the computer playing world of warcraft on one screen while having cage potato on auto refresh on another screen.

the dream of real men.

what was this article about? I only checked it out to see who commented first.

babcock- April 2, 2009 at 5:24 pm

Cecil peoples sucks a dick. Condit won that shit, though i have to say kampman is far more well rounded than i thought. still, condit won. I call shananigans

not a bad taking dude, I said to my mate just as the last round was coming to a close, whoever Cecil Peoples scores it for, the other guy will win!

Also, i know it's not topically relevant but what happened to that events tab at the top that let us knew what mma events were coming up?

Anonymous- April 2, 2009 at 4:06 pm

It's all about the cock-juggling

When you fit 'em in there just right, you get better at "first" comments.

Right, Curtis Sample?

Netterbog- April 2, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Benjamin Franklin once said that "Be[ing able to say 'first' on a post] is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Anonymous- April 2, 2009 at 4:02 pm

I'm basically a big douche.

Thank you

Marshawn Lynch's Injury Cart- April 2, 2009 at 3:47 pm

Anonymous, how are we supposed to give you the accolades you so deserve as first? Who are you exactly so we may better understand your ways of being first to comment? We await your response.

rokabee- April 2, 2009 at 3:45 pm

Thomas Jefferson said many things, that was one of his best.

Bruce Buffer- April 2, 2009 at 3:40 pm

I worship the ground that the first guy's dick drags on.

Marcer- April 2, 2009 at 3:24 pm

I'm always extremely jealous of the first guy.

UFC fan- April 2, 2009 at 3:24 pm

Gamblers need to apologize to those of us who don't have the balls to gamble, how dare you talk about gambling!
The organization against gamblers bragging is called FAGB&G (fuck all gay bitches& gamblers) wants a VLOG apology right now!

Oatmeal- April 2, 2009 at 3:22 pm

I love you First guy, dont listen to him hes Irate

NateGetsIrate- April 2, 2009 at 3:19 pm

^^^ Good job buddy. Your first... and anonymous. No one cares about you less than you do.