Bet wetting is a natural part of learning to control the bowel. We
want to be patient and supportive as our children learn mastery over
their bodily functions. Unfortunately, for the parent who needs to
awaken several times during the night, for the parent who is so tired of
changing and washing sheets, and losing a good night’s sleep; the bed
wetting stage seems to drag on endlessly. And though we don’t want to,
we often end up having a frustrated, overbearingly emotional reaction to
our child’s lack of success.

One brilliant way to marvelously help our children healthily along in
their bowel control process is to give them responsibility over it. If your child is old enough to get dressed by himself, he is ready to be responsible for his bed-wetting.

Progressively and without anger; teach your child that he is responsible
to remove his wet clothing and sheets, rinse or wet wipe himself, get
dressed, lay down a towel, and get back in bed. There is no reason for
you to get up at night once you teach your child to take care of his own
messes. And, then, ever so slowly; your child will learn to take
responsibility for his soiled possessions and for his bladder.

Cruel and unjust punishment? Are
you cringing to think of a wet, tired child needs to do this himself in
the middle of the night? Where is the loving parent to make her dry and
lull her back to sleep, right?

Rewarding Successes

Parents often ask about the ever-famous “Pee Pee Prizes“.
No, don’t waste your money nor teach your child that at every tiny
milestone in life, there is a prize. In the long-run, it does your child
no good; and actually, steals from him the internal motivation to do
something because of its intrinsic value. So, no, no pee-pee prize. And
if you are already giving pee-pee prizes or you really do feel the
strong desire to reward your child for his successes, do it as follows.

Change the rules of what gets him a prize. No longer
reward your child for ‘good performance’ (made it to the pot on time,
didn’t have an accident at night) and not reward him for ‘poor
performance’. Reward him irrelevant of what happened, what outcomes were
reached. “I’d like to give this to you because you are trying so
hard," or "I got you a prize because you are beautiful/because I’m proud of who you are."

What does not help:
Reacting with emotion-laden anger, frustration, or sympathy.

“Why didn’t you get up and go!?”

“You are too old to be wetting in your bed”

“Oh, again! I’m sick of this. The laundry! I’m so tired!”

“Oh, you must feel so bad about it. It’s not so bad really.”

What does help:
Dealing with it from a logical, yet encouraging way.

“I see it’s wet. Let’s change the sheets”

“OK, so you wet the bed at night. So what, accidents happen.”

“I see you changed the sheets and took care of it all by yourself at night. Thank you.”

Humor is great too (so long as the child understands you are with him, not laughing at him.)

“Oh boy, how fun… you get to help me wash the sheets again. More quality time for us!”

“When I was a little boy, I remember when I went all over myself in class and I just wanted to die!”

Even if your neighbor’s younger child is already dry at nights (and
doing fourth grade math while juggling on a bouncy ball) and you feel
like a total failure for doing it all wrong, don’t. You are doing it all
perfectly right. Your child is doing things at exactly the perfect pace
the Universe has deemed right for him. Any pressure and comparisons are counter productive, will only slow down his progress, and will fill your child with an undue sense of guilt and failure.

This stage will be over. It will, believe me. And yes, as unearthly
hard as it may seem at times, your job is to help your child feel
confident, proud, and secure in who he is through and throughout this stage.

When you feel frustrated about your child missing again, leave the room, sing, put on a fake smile. Do whatever you need to not let your child feel that tension, which he will self-inflict upon himself as guilt and anger.

Decide on the one next thing your child can be responsible for himself in cleaning up the mess. Place the spare clothing or towel next to his bed at night and, though it may be hard at first, encourage your child to take care of it alone.

photo credit: http://www.morguefile.com/creative/chilombiano
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We at Successful Modern Child are determined to share our success-building respectful, effective, and loving communication tools with others parents and educators. Help us help others raise successful modern children. We welcome you to forward this article to others or use it in your newsletter, blog, or site. Simply copy and paste with the following credit line: This article was written for parents and educators by family communication expert Gabi at http://www.successfulmodernchild.com

SMC was created by Gabi, MA in Psychology, International Parenting Expert and Family Therapist. Gabi's research into raising successful modern children has taken her around the world. She has taught and inspired groups in Israel, USA, Panama, Peru, and Cambodia.Gabi guides parents to their fullest light around the globe in group teleconference and live workshops. Gabi also takes a very limited number of one-on-one clients for transformational parenting, family, life, and trauma therapy. You may reach Gabi directly at info@successfulmodernchild.com

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