Commentary, feature writing and short stories from a 'damn-near' 40 year-old hip hopper.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

ONLY IN THE SOUTH...

Can you go to Wal Mart and get carded while buying a DVD.

My wife is the church going one in our family, come 11 o'clock on a Sunday morning (I don't care what the holiday is) I'm fast asleep, I ain't goin' nowhere but my living room. When the "Passion of the Christ" came out a few years back I wanted to see it, but never got around to it. So, there we are in Wal Mart walking past the DVD of the "Passion of the Christ", my wife being the good Christian she is, scoops it up real quick. Personally, I wanted to get "The Mack" on DVD, I've had the video for close to 20 years now. Anyway, we get to the check out counter and "WOOOOOP, hold it now", says the clerk, "I need to see some ID for this purchase."I started checkin' the cart out to see if my wife snuck some wine in there or something (she's supposed to be breast-feeding). The next thing I know the clerk is holding the "Passion of the Christ in her hand.

"This film contains language that is offensive and has scenes of graphic violence, you need to be over 18 to purchase this movie.""Hold up a sec", I say, "Now, I know I have a baby face and all, and the sweatsuit probably doesn't help the situation either, but you've got to know that I am, if not your age then older. Let's be real here", I say trying to find the humor in the situation, "with this gray stubble on my chin, lady how can I be under 18?""That doesn't matter, it could be hereditary"."Wait, wait, wait", I say, still trying to come out of shock and back into my senses, "You mean, you want us to show you ID to see a film about Jesus Christ?"What kind of Jesus Freaks run this place?

"Uh huh, yep that's right", she says.

Now to be honest with you I'm no Christian but...how graphic can the language in a movie about Jesus Christ be? And don't forget "The Passion of the Christ" is in a foreign language, English wasn't around in his days true believers.

Now I do believe that it is a violent movie, cause, once again, and I'm being 100% Oprah honest with you...if it was me that had to die for your sins, sheeeit, we'd all be in hell. From my limited studying of the Good Book, I hear they beat that dude damn near to death. This would be the first movie in a long time that showed a brother getting beat down since Bleek and Giant caught a bad one in Mo Betta Blues.

So like I said, if it was me, that had to die for your sins like that ie; the whip, the crown of thorns on my dome, carrying a cross for mad blocks in the heat and all and not nan ni99@ offered me a drop of water...you mofo's would burn in Satan's Kitchen.

So back to the story.

After we showed ID for the movie the clerk advised us of another law down here: "No buying clothes on Sunday before 1:30 pm".

"What?" I said.

"Well", the clerk said, "it isn't a law, but this Wal Mart will not sell clothes before 1:30 pm on Sundays", she said with a smile."Well I''ll be", I said. Only in the south.

1 comment:

WHAT THE??????? For the love of Fred G Sanford Mark PLEASE do some research, find out WHY clothes are NOT sold before 1:30 pm, cuz I'm just sayin what if a person had a sudden urge to go to church, woke up on Sunday and ran to Wally Mart to grab an outfit and......... well you know what would happen...

Inquiring minds want to know about the South and understand it so we can make an educated guess about possible moves there in the future.