Fashion of Violence

The creative process is necessarily a destructive one. It’s kind of like Zorg said in “The Fifth Element,” that life and creativity comes from destruction, disorder and chaos. It’s why people from NY are so funny and ingenious and people in LA are so soft. L.A. is wonderful, and NY is just a god-awful pit of cemented Hell.

ANYWAY, the rest of us get to reap the benefits of the violence and terror-stricken: art and fashion. Herein are four faux-violent and one real-violent wearable/carry-able pieces to let everybody know you’re here to take names, and kick ass, at least in a sartorial sense.

‘Ardman Vests

It’s ‘Ardman as in the way a British soccer hooligan would say “hard man.” These screen printed white tanktops (the go-to top for any bloodied action star) come in three carnage-ravaged flavors. There’s the “First Blood” which subtly alludes to Sylvester Stalone’s seminal role as Rambo. There’s the Die Hard” which calls back to the exploits of one officer John McClain. And, of course, there’s “Enter the Dragon” which is nearly as flashy as Bruce Lee himself. They’re available from Red5 for 10 British pounds. [Buy it]

Weaponry Necklace

This one is from Chocosho, and it features a laurel wreath (to award particularly efficient killing?), a six-shooter and a dagger as if you were come kind of time-traveling Brutus on his way to slay a modern-day Caesar. Pretty awesome. You can pick up this piece for $36, or you can get one similar to it here, here, here, here, or here. [Buy it]

Grenade Watch

The Vestal Grenade watch is for those of you who don’t have a lot of time on your hands because you’re always on the run from a terrorist cell, a megolomaniacal media mogul, or a crazed doctor living inside a hollowed-out volcano. It’s as if your very existence is a ticking time bomb. So, why not strap one to your wrist for the low, low price of $125. Bonus, the stainless steel construction can withstand up to 3ATM of pressure for underwater getaways. [Buy it]

Fake Bulletproof Vest

Designer K3EW has designed a fake bulletproof vest for the hip hop star that wants the panache of tactical gear without the sweaty back that comes along with it. Shown modeling it here is arrogant fishstick lover, Kanye West, but the odds are you’ll be able to make the vest look much more manly, tactical, or ironic – whatever your aim may be. This product is no longer available from KR3W, but you can look around the eBay machine, or just appreciate it for it’s violence and elegance

Knife Belt Buckle

The knife belt buckle is, well, a belt buckle with a damn knife in it. This is useful for a tech geek that ends up having to open a lot of blister packs on a daily basis (maybe somebody at Gizmodo?) or a dude like our editor in chief who just does a lot of knife fighting down at the Long Beach Pier (Ed. note: absolutely true, ladies). Don’t forget to take this off before you get on an airplane, though, for goodness sake. [Buy it]

Bijan’s Blinged Handguns

Beverly Hills designer, Bijan, has some lovely little working firearms for those “with a lot to protect. They’re going to run you just shy of $100,000, but that’s a small price to pay when we’re talking about your safety married to your style. Just imagine the gravitas as you utter a solid and appropriate one-liner as you whip out your freshly-polished, golf and platinum handgun to do away with whatsoever ne’er-do-well has besought you. Of course, if you’re after a more feminine look, you should check out the classic Glam Guns for a deadly, pink solution to your weaponry needs. [Buy it]