I know so well why brave Kate can't cry

Kate McCann: criticised by some for controlling her emotions in public

The sheer scale of misogyny in the treatment of Kate McCann has become almost too distressing to witness.

As the Portuguese prosecutors circle, it is impossible not to be reminded of the irrational mood that ended in mob justice when a dry-eyed Lindy Chamberlain in Australia was wrongfully jailed after claiming dingoes had taken her baby.

Or Joanne Lees, wreathed in suspicion because she didn't display the requisite amount of emotional incontinence for the cameras when her boyfriend was abducted from their camper van.

Like women in so many of these cases, Kate McCann stands accused by her critics of "inappropriate behaviour". In other words, she hasn't cried enough. The whispering campaign against her focuses on her "controlled" emotions, her unfeasible composure. But those who zero in on the image she chooses to present to the media as evidence she is a child killer are seriously missing the point.

Kate is hamstrung by a one-dimensional view of female behaviour. But until you've been in position of absolute trauma, it's hard to predict how it will affect you. Hysteria is one option but my own experience, not comparable with Kate McCann's, suggests that her reactions are wholly appropriate.

My family was thrown into a state of shock when my brother went missing. He was severely mentally ill at the time and highly vulnerable. There was a statistical likelihood that he would die, unable to look after himself. Our first reaction was not to cry but to become incredibly focused on getting him back. Adrenaline took over. All emotional energy was directed at our search and we were buoyed up by an unerring belief that we would find him. I am not in the least surprised the McCanns were able to build an unprecedented media campaign.

Of course, this state can only last so long. Several months on, with no results, our spirits flagged. The energy it takes to exert such emotional control runs out. It was only at this point that I found myself truly accepting my brother was probably dead.

In recent weeks the McCanns have seemed to crumple. Kate's outer strength has been replaced by a painful fragility. I am sure this is not, as some have said, because her guilt is about to be exposed, but due to a devastating acceptance she probably won't see her daughter again. It is at this stage, I found, that the grief is overwhelming.

I don't pretend to know what happened to Madeleine McCann, but I do recognise in her mother the same emotional cycle my family went through. Miraculously, my brother was found, six months on, against the odds, and now he is well. But no such happy ending looks likely for Kate McCann. I just hope the British public treats her with the compassion and dignity she deserves.