Friday, October 21, 2011

Results Not Typical

FRIDAY! And I'm not here, actually -- I'm out and about being romantic at the wonderful Festival of Romance! I can't wait to wear my new dress. Yes, I'm that shallow. I admit it.

Today, Irish author and blogger Catherine Ryan Howard is holding down the fort. Catherine has successfully self-published her non-fiction travel memoires, and has recently released her first novel. Known for her tell-it-like-it-is, down to earth personality, Catherine's here to bust a few self-publishing myths.

Take it away, Catherine.

Five Misconceptions About Self-Publishing

1. It’s easy.

Oh yeah, sure it’s easy, if by easy
you mean twelve-hour stints, week-long formatting migraines and at least one
moment per day when you feel like you’re drowning in the depths of a black
abyss where no one is ever going to buy a single one of your books again...
Well, maybe that last one is just me. But self-publishing is not easy – at least, it’s not if you do
it right. I have encountered hundreds of self-publishers since I started on
this misadventure and I can say with some authority that all the successful
ones have something in common: they take it seriously. They treat it like a
business they’re starting up; they’re an entrepreneur and the book is their
first product. And what would you expect to have to go through to get a
business off the ground? Long hours, caffeine-induced insomnia, stress, pain,
tears, blood – you get the idea. When you hear of someone uploading their book to
Amazon on Friday and buying a house in cash on Saturday, read beyond the
headlines – you’ll usually find via the author’s blog that this “overnight”
success actually took five years. As the physicist Richard Feynman reportedly
said, “If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don’t understand
quantum mechanics.” Well, I definitely
don’t understand quantum mechanics but I do know this: if you think
self-publishing is easy, you aren’t doing it right.

2.It’s a get-rich-quick scheme.

Somehow I’ve managed to drag myself
away from polishing my gold-plated Louboutins and counting my many millions to
write this paragraph... oh, wait. I’m almost 30 and I live in a bedroom the
size of a telephone box at my parents’ house. Yes, we’re all very proud. You can make money self-publishing but if you do a) you’ll be one of
the lucky ones and b) it’ll take a lot of
hard work to get to that point. Keep in mind that every minute of every day
someone is self-publishing their book – maybe even every second of every day.
(Maybeeven every nanosecond...) And how
many self-publishers can you name who have sold enough books/made enough money
to work their way into the news? My dear point, I believe I just made you.

3.“It’s Only Camping!” Syndrome or The Idea That Crap is Acceptable at 99c

Some years ago I had the misfortune
of working as a campsite courier on the south-west coast of France. Part of our
job was to clean the customer accommodation – large tents, mobile homes and
chalets for which people paid vast sums of money to stay in and pretend they
were roughing it. Whenever anyone complained about a stain on the floor ordusty window, we’d shrug and say, “What do
they expect? It’s only camping!” Unfortunately, some people have adopted a
similar attitude about self-publishing. I mean, you’re only charging 99c for
your novel, right? So you’re hardly going to spend a couple of hundred on a
professional design, and you’re definitely not going to spend four or five
times that getting your book edited, copyedited and proofread, right? That’s
just crazy talk! People aren’t expecting much for 99c, are they? Well, um, yes,
they are – they’re expecting a book.
And books generally come correctly formatted, in English that makes sense and
with a cover that doesn’t look like several house pet enthusiastically vomited
upon it during the production process. If your book is poop, you might well
sell a few thousand copies of it – but you won’t sell anywhere near as many
copies of your second book, if you manage to sell any at all. When I hear
self-publishers protesting that they “can’t afford” to get the basics done, I
need to sit on my hands to refrain from strangling them. (And I’m a nice
person, generally-speaking). If you can’t afford to self-publish, don’t self-publish! Skipping a professional
cover design, editing and proofreading will, in the long term, be the most
expensive thing you ever do because it will cost you sales. It might even nip
your self-publishing career in the bud right at the start.

4.99c e-books only sell because they’re 99c.

Do you need to pay your phone bill?
Well, all you have to do is sit down for a few hours, poop out (by way of your
keyboard; keep it clean, people!) 70,000 - 100,000 words, upload it to Amazon,
set the price to 99c and then sit back and wait for the phone bill money to
come a-rolling in, my friend. I mean, that’s how it’s done, isn’t it? Upload,
set at 99c, sell millions, repeat as required. Yes, somehow people have got the
mistaken impression that 99c equals #1 bestseller. They either express this in
a derogatory way (“Well of course he’s sold a gazillion books – he’s only
charging 99c for them!) or put a positive spin on it (“My novel is so great
that people will be exploding from the joy induced by getting it for a mere
99c!”) but whatever way they say it, they’re wrong. A low price can help sell a
book, but it won’t do it all by itself. To confirm this, just look up some 99c
self-published novels on Amazon and check out their sales ranks. Or, publish
one yourself. You’ll soon find out.

5. You have to do it because all agents and editors are horned demons
who meet once a month to drink pig’s blood and entertain each other with
stand-up based on our worst query letters, and if there’s any chairs spare they
sell tickets to Amazon, chain bookstores, Apple, etc.

There are many different reasons to
self-publish. I self-published because I had a book that didn’t have an
existing market, but I was able to make one; it’s the kind of book that even if
it was traditionally published today wouldn’t do well on the shelves, but I’ve
sold over eight thousand copies of it. Talli is self-publishing her next book
because she’s recognised that she has the ability to replicate the success of
her previous books on her own, and so doesn’t need the traditional model for it
to do well. My blogging friend Roz Morris self-published one of my favourite
writing books, Nail Your Novel,
because it was too short to be a traditionally published book. I think these
reasons reflect that we’re smart, bright, organised women who know a thing or
thirty-six about selling our own books, and are as hard-working as we are
realistic. (Ladies, you can pop those fivers in the post now...) We make, if I
may so and I think I will, very good self-publishers. But if you’re getting
into this because you can heat your house for winter by burning your rejection
letters, or because you’ve taken a business decision personally, or because and
at least three literary agents have a restraining order out against you and you
want to SHOW THEM ALL, you’re not going to succeed. Spite doesn’t sell books,
and bitterness doesn’t make me want to read your blog. Plus, you scare me a
bit. So stop wasting your energy hating on an industry staffed by lovely people
who love books (just not yours – oooh,
burn!) and put it into being a good self-publisher instead. Simples.

About Catherine:

Catherine Ryan Howard is a 29-year-old writer, blogger and enthusiastic
coffee-drinker. She currently lives in Cork, Ireland, where she divides her
time between her desk and the sofa. She blogs at www.catherineryanhoward.com.

About Results Not Typical:

The Devil Wears Prada meets Weightwatchers and chick-lit meets corporate
satire in the debut novel from Catherine Ryan Howard, author of the bestselling
memoir Mousetrapped: A Year and A Bit in
Orlando, Florida. Through their Ultimate Weight Loss Diet Solution Zone
System, Slimmit International Global Incorporated claim they’re making the
world a more attractive place one fatty at a time. Their slogans “Where You’re
Fat and We Know It!” and “Where the Fat IS Your Fault!” are recognised around
the globe, the counter in the lobby says five million slimmed and their share
price is as high as their energy levels. But today the theft of their latest
revolutionary product, Lipid Loser, will threaten to expose the real secret
behind Slimmit’s success...The race is on to retrieve Lipid Loser and save
Slimmit from total disaster. If their secrets get out, their competitors will
put them out of business. If the government finds out, they’ll all go to jail.
And if their clients find out… Well, as Slimmit’s Slimming Specialists know all
too well, there’s only one thing worse than a hungry, sugar-crazed, carb addict
– and that’s an angry one. Will the secret behind Slimmit’s success survive the
day, or will their long-suffering slimmers finally discover the truth?
Available now in paperback and e-book editions. Buy from Amazon UK or Amazon.com .

Hi Talli - enjoy the weekend and good luck. Your dress is down here in Eastbourne .. so not sure what you're wearing - it features in Monsoon's window on the 'high street' .. and looks truly lovely .. looking forward to seeing a picture of you wearing it.

Hi Catherine - great read about self-publishing: thank you! Love the idea of your book .. and I loved Cork when I visited many moons ago ..

As a self-published author, I agree whole heartedly with everything Catherine said. It's a long caffeine induced stressed undertaking, but for me, it was so worth it. I LIKE being in charge of my publishing career (Type-A personality notwithstanding). I won't be a gazillionaire by any means, but I like the fact that people are buying my books. If I had gone the traditional route, I may still be languishing until 2015!

Great post, Catherine - I was nodding and agreeing with your rallying cries long before I saw my name! We need more self-publishers insisting on quality and doing the job well. We want to be taken seriously as writers? We need to be serious as publishers too. Best of luck to your book - and best of luck Talli with your 3rd novel. Now can we please see more of your red hair?

Nothing shallow about looking forward to wearing a pretty dress. I don't like to 'dress up' but I do like to feel comfortable and confident in what I wear. I don't think that's being shallow, I think that's putting your best self forward.

Catherine, wonderful post! I've just released my self-published novel and you're right on all accounts. This is anything but a get rich quick, straight shot to #1 best seller route. But the determined ones, can really make something of it like you have. Congrats on doing so well, and here's to continued success!

I so respect people like yourself (and Talli) for making the decision to step into self-pub the right way, for the right reasons. You're a fantastic example, and sharing your story really helps the rest of us.

I can't imagine why anyone would think self publishing is easy. The only real advantage I see to self publishing is that you get to pick your own cover artist and editors. With traditional or e-publishing you are stuck with what the publisher gaves you.

A brilliant post. As daunting as this self-publishing world is you've still managed not to deter me so that's got to be a good thing, right! RIGHT I'm actually pulling my hair out trying to figure how to self-publicize. Any ideas, Catherine, Talli... ? Oh and Talli wanting to shimmy in a gorgeous dress does not make you shallow. Rock it girl!

Ahh, #5--slam dunk! Well said, Catherine. This is a tough business no matter how you do it, and those who take it seriously are all bustin their humps. Hope you're able to open the eyes of any who might think SP is "the easy way." Best~ <3

About Me

I write bittersweet and witty contemporary women's fiction. Born and raised in Canada, I now live in London, where I savour the great cultural life (coffee and wine).
Despite training as a journalist, I soon found I preferred making up my own stories--complete with happy endings. My novels have been short-listed as Best Romantic Reads at the UK's Festival of Romance and chosen as top books of the year by industry review websites.
To learn more about me, go to www.talliroland.com or follow me on Twitter: @talliroland.