Did you daydream that Republicans would accept the legitimacy of Barack Obama's renewed mandate and resolve to be a little more cooperative? That restless legions of Teabaggers and assorted civics-challenged bigots would cease their puling about "Socialism!" and "Death Panels!" and their frenzied flocking to gun stores and gun shows in advance of an imaginary Obama vendetta against the Second Amendment? That the comically desperate birthers would quietly disperse at last, their tumid fantasies of the Republic being "saved" by Antonin Scalia and/or Donald Trump deflated for all time?

Yeah, neither did I.

President Obama's second term already seems destined to be as rife as his first with an unrelenting din of obstructionist Republicans, conspiracy cranks and bullet-headed jerks utterly horrified by the President's only-half-white pigmentation. Hold your breath and let's start at the very bottom of the barrel.

Although her campaign to become an obstructionist Republican was a characteristically garish failure, Orly Taitz certainly has the conspiracy crank and bullet-headed jerk categories comprehensively covered. The national poster child for every fool out in the darkness aspiring to be a dentist/attorney/fanatic has once again been smacked down from the bench, in this case by District Court Judge Morrison C. England Jr. in Sacramento:

"Your argument, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever," the judge told her at one point…

"Why do you keep filing these lawsuits when they keep getting rejected?" England asked…

Taitz responded by comparing herself to Thurgood Marshall and his persistence in filing suits to fight segregation. She explained that one of the plaintiffs is a Republican elector for Mitt Romney, who came in second to Obama in November.

Like Wile E. Coyote in the Roadrunner cartoons, no matter how many times she finds herself running right off the edge of a mesa (carrying an AcmeTM anvil) Taitz doesn't quit. And her fans love her for it. Her website – not linked here because it's said to be riddled with viruses and spyware – recently featured this testimonial from someone purporting to be a court reporter in attendance at the oral arguments before Judge England:

… I found the judges actions to be unbelievable. There is something terribly wrong when our judiciary system will not stand up and take note of this kind of blatant corruption. I was one of the last ones filing out that shock you hand, it was a pleasure. Although I am on a fixed income, I will contribute to your (our) cause in the near future. Sincerely, Vernon Steinkamp

Personally, I think there's something terribly wrong when the "judiciary system" allows Vernon Steinkamp to transcribe legal proceedings, but perhaps that's why they put him on a fixed income. Still, I've read enough of Taitz's submissions in serial unsuccessful proceedings to think Mr. Steinkamp might just be her ideal transcriptionist. At a minimum, I surely would like to see him, um, shock she hand.

Elsewhere on the "World's Leading Obama Eligibility Challenge Web Site," you can find Taitz's funhouse-mirror musings on the proceeding in Sacramento. Ever wanted to know how the exact opposite of a great legal mind works? Here's how:

The judge nodded and told me, indeed the U.S. Constitution does not require the US President to have valid IDs.

I responded to him that the U.S. Constitution does not require the President to have a pulse also…

Taitz is at least perceptive enough to notice that Judge England was pained by the proceeding, but earnestly misconstrues the cause of his suffering:

The judge lowered his head, he was holding his head with his hands, he was clearly following the marching orders from the regime and was deeply ashamed of it. A number of people later told me that they felt that the judge looked like he was ashamed of what he was doing…

For Taitz, though, misconstruing things is a vocation, a calling, a crusade:

I showed him that it is impossible to have a white hallo around words if you only place a document on the green safety paper…

It seems that during Obama regime the only ones who get protection from the law are the criminals, the law abiding citizens are completely deprived of all of their rights, the only thing they have to protect them, is ammo…

Well, and those shocking hands, of course. As is customary with any story involving Taitz, the weirdness soon got ratcheted up further. After Judge England rejected her claims, he went on to reject her emergency 60(b) motion, which alleged – among many other things – that the President has, or is, a double. Or something:

Additionally, widely published picture by Dr. Scott Inoue, Obama's former classmate, shows Barack Obama as a third grade student in Hawaii in 1969. At the same time official Obama school records show him in Indonesia in 1967-1969 attending school in Jakarta Indonesia under the name Barry Soetoro. It means that from January 1, 1967 till 1969 we could see two distinct individuals: Barry Obama residing in Hawaii and Barry Soetoro residing in Indonesia. We do not know, which one of them came back to the U.S. in 1971… If Barry Soetoro came back, than the question is, what happened to Barry Obama? Is he even alive? A number of high ranking officials of the U.S. Government and the government of Hawaii are complicit in the most egregious crimes, cover up of the forgery, however it might be more than fraud and forgery. If Barry Soetoro came from Indonesia instead of Barry Obama, this is espionage.

TWO: Failing Upward

At the moment, Taitz is aglow with the prospect of a potential new ally, in the form of a nakedly political Supreme Court controlled by the Republican Party, or at least a powerful faction of it. She buoyantly announced recently that the Supreme Court doesn't yet find her as irritating as Judge England does. Perhaps they're still unaware of her terrible prose:

Press release!

Law offices of Orly Taitz

Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States John Roberts scheduled a case by attorney Orly Taitz dealing with Barack Hussein Obama’s use of forged IDs to be heard in conference before the full Supreme Court…

Please, keep in mind, Richard Nixon was reelected and sworn in, but later was forced to resign as a result of Watergate. over 30 high ranking officials of Nixon administration including Attorney General of the United States and White HouseCcounsel were indicted, convicted and went to prison. ObamaForgery gate is a hundred times bigger then Watergate. More corrupt high ranking officials, US Attorneys, AGs and judges were complicit, committed high treason by allowing a citizen of Indonesia and possibly still a citizen of Kenya Barack Hussein Obama, aka Barack (Barry) Soebarkah, aka Barack (Barry) Soetoro to usurp the U.S. Presidency by use of forged IDs and a stolen Social security number.

The Supreme Court will turn its collective mind to the case in a February 15 conference, and if four of the justices decide it's warranted, the Court will go on to hear argument. In other words, the Supreme Court is going to waste time deciding whether to waste further time on this scurrilous nonsense. If that's not outrageous enough, consider the possibility that, just maybe, Clarence Thomas will open his yapper during consideration of Taitz's litigation, now that he has recently broken seven years of weird silence from the bench. Heady days for democracy.

Yes, amazingly, three years after she signed a lucrative contract with Fox, suddenly a "news" network whose programming consists of round-the-clock USDA Prime bullcrap can't find any room for Sarah Palin. Or maybe ir's Palin who can't find room for Fox:

In an interview with the conservative news outlet Breitbart, Palin said she wants to share her values "more broadly" rather than "preach to the choir."

“The message of liberty and true hope must be understood by a larger audience," she said.

An audience which, presumably, Palin will find by hawking patriotic costume jewelry on HSN, or popping up on Season #412 of Celebrity Apprentice, or trying to sell signed 2008 campaign memorabilia to the guys from Pawn Stars.

Maybe Palin's tenure was doomed because the Fox brain-trust can't tolerate more than one maverick at a time, and they recently hired a new one: Dennis Kucinich. The eight-term Congressman and two-time presidential candidate signed on with Fox about 10 days before the Palin announcement. Hey, everybody has to eat, after all.

And while the Kucinich hiring was a touch creepy, it was overshadowed mere days later by the vehement creepiness of CBS' new payroll addition. Bob Schieffer announced on January 20 that inveterate fib-flinger, gifted pianist and remorseless war criminal Condoleezza Rice will be sharing her vast expertise in… well, something, I guess. Another reason, as if another were needed, to avoid Face the Nation.

Conversely, CNN recently got a smidge more tolerable with the news that Bay "Sister of Pat, Grandniece of Beelzebub" Buchanan is leaving punditry behind to launch a new career selling real estate in Virginia. Buchanan, who was highly placed in the Romney campaign, attributed her disenchantment in part to Romney's loss, noting that "… we really expected to win it,” a remark that should lay to rest the notion that she ever had any business in electoral politics at all. But the winter of her discontent gets even chillier:

“It’s so negative and TV is more difficult than ever in the sense that it’s really not an honest debate anymore,” she said of her television talking head days. “I can’t just live my life going on TV and being angry all the time.”

I for one hope Buchanan finds the "honest debate" debate she craves selling houses for McEnearney Associates Inc, Realtors. If she doesn't, her coworkers had better prepare for her being angry all the time.

FOUR: "Stay on the bus. Please pray for us."

After Michele Bachmann had her presidential hopes dashed by unusually sensible Republican primary voters, she returned to her first political love: being a complete waste of a House seat. In fairness, it's the one thing she does extraordinarily well.

On January 3rd, Bachmann kicked off the 113th Congress with – wait for it! – a bill to repeal Obamacare. The bill was slow to pick up co-sponsors and is now languishing in the House Subcommittee on Indian and Alaska Native Affairs. By contrast, House Republicans reprised the "Repeal Obamacare" song 33 times during the 112th Congress, to no legislative effect but at an estimated cost to taxpayers of $50 million.

But, hey, what's $50 million when you're doing your business on the people – uh, I mean doing the people's business? Everybody knows what fiscal hawks Republicans are; people right there on the TV machine say so all the damned time. Hell, Bachmann herself is so tight with a buck that she won't even cough up when she's in debt. To, for example, members of her campaign staff:

Over a year after she dropped out, Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann has refused to pay five staffers from her failed presidential bid… Peter Waldron, her controversial former national field coordinator, told Salon the dispute started when former Iowa straw poll staffers refused to sign a nondisclosure agreement that would bar them from discussing any “unethical, immoral, or criminal activity” they witnessed on the campaign with police or reporters.

… Negotiations over payment with Bachmann Finance Chairman James Pollack eventually broke down and Waldron decided to go public with the news, posting a press release on Christian Newswire...

“I feel a moral obligation to see that my Christian brothers and sisters are paid for worked [sic] performed in good faith… I appealed to Dr. [Marcus] Bachmann for help. I appealed to Representative Bachmann’s Chief of Staff Robert Boland to intercede with Mrs. Bachmann on behalf of her loyal Iowa staff — all of whom are married, all have children,” Waldron said in the press release.

“It is sobering to think that a Christian member of Congress would betray her testimony to the Lord and the public by withholding earned wages from deserving staff…”

Waldron's entitled to his opinion, but I find this anything but sobering. In fact, it's kind of intoxicating. And it turns out he has a lot more freight weighing down his conscience:

A former campaign aide for U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann claims the one-time presidential candidate hid thousands of dollars in payment to an Iowa state senator so he wouldn’t violate Senate ethics rules.

... In a notarized complaint to the Federal Election Commission, [Peter] Waldron claims several violations of federal election laws by the campaign.

One pertains to Iowa state Sen. Kent Sorenson, R-Milo, who Waldron claims was paid $7,500 a month for his role as Iowa state chairman for the Bachmann campaign…

Waldron claims the payments were funneled through a third party, C&M Strategies of Colorado operated by Guy Short. In essence, Waldron said, the Bachmann campaign would overpay C&M Strategies for its work and C&M Strategies would then cut a check to Sorenson for his work on behalf of the Bachmann campaign.

"Frankly, Brett exercised 'Rasputin-like control over Michele. More than one staffer was grateful to God that she didn't win the nomination because of the influence that Brett had over her," Waldron said.

"He attempted to re-shape Mrs. Bachmann's personality from her popular 2010 to spring 2011 into his own image," he said. "Pastors in IA and SC complained to me privately that Mrs. Bachmann spent too much time alone with Brett, they even criticized the times the two of them held hands to pray apart from others. Brett resented Mrs. Bachmann's confidence in me.

"Once she asked me to ride on the bus with her to pray… On one occasion, she whispered to me, 'Peter, don't get off the bus no matter who tells you to get off.' Another time, her personal assistant told me, 'Peter, Michele does not want to you leave. Stay on the bus. Please pray for us.'

"Brett held her captive day after day, speech after speech, etc. in the back of the bus during the 99-county tour. By the end, she was broken emotionally, mentally, and slept in her private cabin in the back of the bus. I do not know if she has ever recovered," Waldron said.

FIVE: Fabulous New Retail Opportunity!

Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association last appeared in Take Five in October 2011, after he told the assembled mob at that year's Values Voter summit that he partially attributes the lack of what he calls "a Muslim attack" since September 11, 2001 to the singing of "God Bless America" at baseball games.

The many powerfully offensive and shockingly brainless things he's said on that and other topics have endeared him to millions of conservatives, of course, but he took his game to a whole new level a few weeks back with his radio show comments about the threat presented by the Employment Non-Discrimination Act:

If ENDA goes into effect, no Christian employer could ever make a values-based personnel decision again. If a man wearing a dress, stilettos, and dangly earrings came into his Christian bookstore looking for a job and didn’t get one, the owner would be subject to a gigantic, business-ending discrimination lawsuit.

There is no reason to think that the homosexual lobby would not deliberately select values-driven businesses, and then send flamboyant homosexuals in to apply for advertised vacancies, just so they could use this law as a bludgeon to further pummel Christians into becoming the newest minority utterly deprived of their civil rights.

In fact, ENDA would represent the return of Jim Crow laws. Only now the people victimized would not be victimized based on the color of their skin but on the content of their character.