The Forgotten Women of BDSM

Most of the femme domme world is occupied by submissive males. And in the world of masters the ratio tends to be a fifty-fifty split between female and male. So where does that leave the submissive female who wants to serve a female domme? It leaves them feeling cast out and frustrated. Subsequently they find themselves stuck and having a much more difficult time expressing their submission.

Much of the world of BDSM that you see online is based on money for services. So it just makes sense to cater to your biggest client base and for female dommes that would be men. But ladies, in my opinion, you’re missing out on this forgotten niche of wonderful subs.

So just why don’t more femme dommes market to female subs? I’ll throw out a few misconceptions to see if any ring true for you.

You have to be a lesbian to have a female sub

Women won’t pay for femme domme services

Women don’t make good subs

Let’s start with the first one. “You have to be a lesbian to have a female sub.” Why? You have gay men who serve you right? Are you not making men go suck dick for you? If you’re doing online domination (and RT domination sessions I would hope) you don’t have sex with your subs anyway. So why would this be of any concern at all? You’re still using your feminine power to cause this lovely female creature to submit to you, there is no difference. Female submissives are searching for the same thing men are; control, power exchange and the feeling of servitude and being a good girl.

So what about, “Women won’t pay for femme domme services.” In all fairness women ARE less likely to pay for sex services. It’s always been that way. Most phone sex calls are by men, most porn watched is by men. BUT you’re being foolish if you just make this assumption for everyone. Women have just as much disposable income as men because they work just as hard as men. And when they want to relax and kick back and let their freak flag fly they WILL pay for your services especially since very few femme dommes openly accept female subs. As far as I’m concerned, this is a unique opportunity to grab these forgotten ladies and make them part of your stable of clients.

And as for, “Women don’t make good subs.” What are you nuts? WE ARE THE ORIGINAL SUBS! We are the queens of submission because we are all taught from the get-go to be good little submissive girls. If you think that women don’t make good subs you’re out of your mind. Female subs are THE BEST! They get it easier, quicker and with less bullshit than men. Women truly know how to be GIVERS! It’s who we are. Women are, in a sense, pre-packaged submissive perfection with very little training needed. It’s more like fine tuning them to YOUR particular wants and needs. You don’t have to deal with the male ego and all the fun crap that entails.

So if you’re smart, you’ll pick up on this gaping hole (don’t be piggy) in our industry because you’re leaving money on the floor. And if you proclaim yourself to be a true female supremacist, you should be salivating at the chance to have women at your right hand. Women you can TRUST and will be LOYAL to you, unlike many of their male counterparts who are just looking for the next best thing.

If you feel you want the matriarchy to be real then this should be your hierarchy:

DOMINANT FEMALE

SUBMISSIVE FEMALE

DOMINANT MALE

SUBMISSIVE MALE

So ladies, why then are you dropping the ball on the second most important group? In theory you’re only playing to the lowest common denominator. Granted it’s a well-stocked pond but don’t forget, every other female dominant has her pole in that water. I’m not saying to give up on male subs but you have given up on the female subs. And quite frankly, you’re missing out.

*** I think BB brings up a great point in that I’m sure there are femme domme’s ‘out there’ that have an issue with dominating another woman. Not from the standpoint that it’s not worth it but from a respect point-of-view. How can you proclaim yourself to be a superior female when you’re treating another female in a degrading manner? It’s a valid point and could be part of the issue.

I’m also seeing that there are many femme domme’s who love to interact with submissive women but don’t really advertise it. LET THE LADIES KNOW YOU LOVE THEM!!

Comments

Ok I know I’m a Male and not a Professional Dom but I’ve only recently had “males” approach me for play mostly I had female play partners but I don’t see a difference a sub is just that a sub yes they have gender and other differences but they have needs too, I accommodated all that come to me as not only do I get to do what I like doing but I’m helping the sub scratch an itch they couldn’t take care of with someone else, so if/when I decide to go Professional I’m keeping the same intentions and welcoming any sub that wants my services no matter with gender or sexuality they are.

I have been hesitant to work with female subs, and it was a deal breaker for me for many years. It was totally the respect issue.

But then I had a great friend who was a switch, and I realized if I didn’t meet her needs, a man would. And that bothered me more! And then I really enjoyed it.

I now expand my offerings and have decided to work with submissive women who don’t see their own beauty. It isn’t very different than sissy play in many ways. The therapeutic aspect is very similar, as well. I want to empower them in their submission (and I want to make swans from ugly ducklings!)

I find the biggest challenge with woman is that they are more complex, therefore more time-consuming to peel their layers back, more tears, more emotional need, etc. Add to that, women make less $ for the same work men do, typically. They don’t usually have the same disposable income. So, hour for hour, I lose money the more women I accept, due to the extra time required between sessions. And I give it because they’re women. Or I don’t because I don’t have it. Both scenarios have had their own challenges/growing pains.

From the ABDL side of things, I think others are often shocked when they learn or hear about how many female callers I have that are regular clients.

Here are a few thoughts when it comes to female clientele:

I’m fascinated by peoples’ backstories and why they are into some of the things they are. I know sooo many back stories of my male clientele but, the few times I’ve asked from the female side – one in particular. Things or the momentum shifted. I spoke with her a while after and she said, she wished she would’ve never opened up about it because it changed the energy. I think the energy had shifted a bit from both sides. SO…I tip toe around that a bit and DON’T usually ask or dig at all unless that information is volunteered.

There is also the aspect of being a woman and knowing how we sometimes think. We can be ultra-hyper critical of ourselves and of other women – we also tend to raise an eyebrow when we have a woman coming to us for services. Wondering if she has ill intents, wondering if she is actually seeking a service. I don’t doubt my own skills as a Domme – but when I’ve had female subs, I will question if I’m doing enough to help fill her need.

(Side note, it makes me sad to think/realize that we as women do often question others and how hard it must be for a true female sub to call and be treated as if she’s bogus. Hopefully that isn’t something that happens regularly.)

I have only ever encountered ONE female caller that had ill intent – there was some things that happened as of that that hit me in a way it usually doesn’t with a male caller of ill intent.

With all of that said – The women that have been my subs or my callers – are some of the most welcoming, tender hearted, amazing subs that I’ve ever encountered.

I think some of us mind fuck ourselves when it comes to being a Domme to a female sub, but in practice – there is zero difference and many times, you can find it more fulfilling (in a way like when a woman compliments you vs when a man does).

We women are more critical – and she chose us to serve. There is something amazingly powerful and beautiful about that.

This was a great article, thank you !! I actually used to cringe at the thought of dominating another woman because it made me feel as if I were betraying myself as a dominant woman. However, having gone through a personal experience (that I won’t go into here) actually taught me that it was my own issues and after recognizing and dealing with them, I am now able to allow myself to accept submission from other women, without feeling cringey and gross inside. In fact, I feel quite giggly and more turned on by female submission rather than male submission.

Thank You, Brainwashing Beauty, for Your insights! And also to Dr. Sue for the insights re; “How can you proclaim yourself to be a superior female when you’re treating another female in a degrading manner?”. i can totally understand how a female Domme would feel it’s not right to degrade another female!

If i may offer a female sub perspective on this with the hopes that it will help other female Domme’s feel more comfortable taking on female subs.

i think Dr. Sue hit the nail of the head with the words “degrading manner”. There is “degradation” and there is “degrading manner”. When i am in session (or out of session), i never feel “degraded”. There is a mutual respect and caring between my Domme and i. Degraded can be defined as “treated or regarded with contempt or disrespect”. Degradation to me means being treated with ill-will and ill-harm. i never, ever feel degraded or disrespected by my Domme as She honors my limits and it is consensual play just like for the male subs/clients.

Rather, if We/we are engaging in some humiliation play, corporal punishment or any other consensual kinks that i truly enjoy, then my Domme is giving me a GIFT! Please let me say that one more time… my Domme is giving me a GIFT!

My ProDomme is allowing me to explore and embrace my kinks in a safe environment and in a caring manner. Is She strict? a Disciplinarian? Yes! But that is the type of submissiveness i seek. So it’s a gift to allow me to express myself in this kind of play/service.

Even Cleopatra and the Queens of great countries had female servants. Perhaps just like there are alpha and beta males, perhaps there are alpha and beta females? There are those who like to have control and power and those who enjoy submissiveness and service, gift from our female sub heart.

Lastly, i do really like Dr. Sue’s hierarchy of matriarchy! If You are a ProDomme who really embraces Female Supremacy, then Dr. Sue’s hierarchy shows were the submissive women are in the hierarchy… still above the men! 🙂

i hope this will encourage more ProDommes to be open to working with female subs and to also include this in their advertising.

It’s the truth… female subs are loyal, caring and crave to be subservient. And wanting to work with a female Domme does not necessarily mean that a female sub is of any particular sexual orientation. For myself, i am bi but it feels a whole lot more comfortable to work with a female ProDomme than a male!

If there was a way, i’d email Your article to every ProDomme out there! It is much needed discourse!

Tuesday Oct 22 at 10pm ET it’s Scary Sex Worker Stories It’s that time of year when we all want to be scared and have some fun so that’s exactly what we’ll be doing on this show. I WANT YOU TO CALL IN your freakiest fetishes and scariest stories the night of the show. Whether […]