When I was younger the only thing I feared was getting caught.
I feared people would catch me when I was a naught.
Then I grew to fear around a stranger.
Because just like any kid I felt I was in danger.

I became afraid of the dark where the shadows lurk.
I remember comforting myself whenever I see that smirk.
Then many years came and I was afraid of love.
Because I always ended up to be a mourning dove.

It’s so funny how I now understand what my fear meant.
I was masking some things that were a torment.

I now realize that shadow was a flesh smiling at me.
I recognized that smirk of a He.
I was able to recall why I feared love or lust.
Being a fragile person made me learn to distrust.

But I am stronger now and I am in control.
I realized the person inside me is not just a glory hole.
Now darkness fears me and what I turned out to be.
The shadow now knows I am more than just a nobody.

Now with all of the things, I am going through I will soon be free.
And he will still be a shadow in the dark trying to flee.

“Fear is the brains way of saying that there is something important for you to overcome.” ~ Rachel Huber

I’m here thinking about us,
and the things I wasn’t able to discuss
Everyday I wonder if letting you go was right,
and if I will ever be as bright.

But, I do wanna get a few things off my chest.
I still miss you more than you’ll ever guess.
My feelings for you are as present as before,
Although I know I was always a bore.

The things you told me before didn’t seem to be anything,
and now whenever I remember I feel my heart sting.
When you said the opposite attracts each other.
I now realize just how different we were from another.

Not once did I ever doubted anything you said.
And I trusted you wholeheartedly which made me dread.
Everything I hid from people came out as a surprise,
Which I believe you think were all lies.

I’m gonna cut the crap and be straight.
You were and always be great,
You have a place in my heart which is replaceable.
The relationship we had will never be erasable.

My feelings for you were and will always be solid.
I believe you had feelings even if you were a little stolid.
I wrote this because I missed you which I always do.
And missing you always leaving me feeling blue.

Now if you’re ever to read this.
Let’s just reminisce.
I just wanted to say this and let you be,
don’t message me.
(I will only cry so much)

They say home is where your heart is.
But that raises questions.
Where exactly is your heart at?
Making home adjustment can affect a heart.

Moving places to places can lose someone’s heart.
Leaving a homeless heart wondering around.
Making a person wonder where they want to be.
Cause this is not where I want to be.

My heart is nowhere to be found,
and it makes me wonder who I am.
Or where I want to be.
I am stuck in a place where I don’t want to be in.

I left my heart in a place it felt safe.
While I bring myself in a place my soul doesn’t want to be in.
Where myself, my soul, and my heart doesn’t agree.
To a point where being lonely is my only solution.

Tolerating the pain and suffering I feel.
Although in my head this situation isn’t as bad as I feel.

My head can’t really convince my long gone heart to feel safe.
My head can’t convince a soul that feels lost.
My head can’t convince my body not feel weak.
My head can just keep coping with the present.

“It takes a family to build a house, but only a heart can build a home.” ~ Unknown

Each day that goes by my walls are growing.
My walls to keep everybody out.
Each day I can feel myself blocking everyone.
Blocking people I’ve trusted for so long.

I have no answer to why I do.
My best explanation would be the feeling of rejection.
The respond I get from people.
The feeling they make me feel.

Giving assumptions before I can explain myself.
Thinking I’ll be judged before I complete my story.
Being filled with hurt when I open up.
It’s not a feeling I like.

Don’t think my walls make me happy.
In fact it brings pain that I can’t use my voice.
It kills me that my stories can never be told.
Sadness that fills my heart that can never go away.

I’ve experienced these walls and had them for a long time.
People breaking them down made me feel weak, yet complete.
I tried for so long to keep them off.
Now they are growing up again, and I have no control.

People might say I have the control and this is what I want.
Only if they have experience it,

then they’ll no it’s not a paradise.
It’s a situation I wish no one to be in.

It’s a mental disorder that no one knows.
A sickness that is hard to heal.
The only medication is to know you can trust someone.
But no matter how strong that medication can be;
the sickness will always come back when the treatment is neglected.

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Welcome!

This page is about the poems I have written, and few short stories that are all based on what how I think and feel. Most of the things written in this blogs are meant to touch others, and are very deep. I try to use my words as powerful as I could. Everything that is written on here have very deep emotions and feelings beyond the words. I hope you guys could connect yourself to the emotions that are attached to these writings, and feel the words that are written. Also, I hope it inspires you like how other authors/writers have inspired me

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