(01-05-2016 05:27 PM)Black Eagle Wrote: I didn't know Nishi and I am pretty cold when it comes to suicide. My mother committed suicide when I was 17 and less than a year later one of my best friends committed suicide. During the course of the ensuing 50 years, I've lost many friends to it and a year ago, another close friend killed himself. As cold as I have become to self inflicted death, I am not cold when it touches children and when Banjo told us that Erik had a young daughter, it sucked the breath out of me. I don't want to sound harsh, but you will all recover from this but that child will not. No child deserves this kind of abandonment.

Please don't blame him for abandoning his daughter (I'm sure you didn't mean to). Parents only commit suicide when they are utterly convinced their continued living will hurt the child more than their death.
It's the horrible result of a terrible disease and the Erik I've met would not abandon his daughter on purpose. He'd only leave her to protect her. It's terrible that his sickness made him see no other solution than this.
I hope the family of his daughter will tell her every day how much her father loved her.

My first thought on waking was of Nishi. How I wish he could have shared his burden so we could have carried some of the load...because we would have in any way we could.

I am so sad that he felt things were just too much to handle alone...because he wasn't alone...he had friends here.

If there is anyone else here who has thoughts of ending their life...please talk to us...talk to someone, anyone. Just plan to get through the next day, next hour, next minute...things may look different then.

We will carry your pain now...how I wish we could have carried Nishi's pain sooner.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

(01-05-2016 05:27 PM)Black Eagle Wrote: I didn't know Nishi and I am pretty cold when it comes to suicide. My mother committed suicide when I was 17 and less than a year later one of my best friends committed suicide. During the course of the ensuing 50 years, I've lost many friends to it and a year ago, another close friend killed himself. As cold as I have become to self inflicted death, I am not cold when it touches children and when Banjo told us that Erik had a young daughter, it sucked the breath out of me. I don't want to sound harsh, but you will all recover from this but that child will not. No child deserves this kind of abandonment.

Please don't blame him for abandoning his daughter (I'm sure you didn't mean to). Parents only commit suicide when they are utterly convinced their continued living will hurt the child more than their death.
It's the horrible result of a terrible disease and the Erik I've met would not abandon his daughter on purpose. He'd only leave her to protect her. It's terrible that his sickness made him see no other solution than this.
I hope the family of his daughter will tell her every day how much her father loved her.

We'll never forget this special guy.

Well said. Erik loved his daughter so much. I talked to him pretty much every day on the forum and in private messages. Not one day went by when he didn't mention her, it was clear he loved her dearly. He would never willingly abandon her. I use the word willingly because he struggled with a lot of anxiety and depression. He tried so hard to get better for his daughter and for himself. Whenever I would talk to him, he was always trying to think of new ways to get better, new venues to take. He was trying so hard to fight the severe anxiety and depression he struggled with. I know it took a toll on him.

Severe anxiety and depression can cause people to act and think in ways that are not intrinsic to themselves. Abandoning people, being selfish for taking one's life--these terms have nothing to do with what happened with Erik. Those terms are the exact opposite of Erik. Erik was a fighter, he fought long and hard with anxiety/depression, all the while being here on the forum offering support to everyone else who was in need. That was Erik.

Still trying to get my head round all of this it feels so unreal.Nishi will never post here again and it really hurts to know that. He really helped me to get my problems in perspective and offered unconditional support and love. I don't care what anyone says, as far as I'm concerned if Erik sent you a virtual hug you could actually feel it, it was always so genuine.
Its such a fucking waste and I'm angry and sad at the same time, I'm not ashamed to say that my eyes leaked earlier today. Rest in peace Nishi xx

drink plenty of fluids friends. take care of yourselves. This smoldering anguish, argh. I wish we could be together and hug it out and cry it out, and take some deep quavering breaths, and get a little better. Get it together, but not to forget.