I'm Sioux Roslawski and this is my blog about writing, dogs, grown-up children, menopause, the joy of a marvelous book, classroom teaching in general, and specifically, the teaching of writing. You can email me at sroslawski(at)yahoo(dot)com.

The Pyrenees---Southern France

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Where is That Darned Horse?

I recently submitted a piece to "Listen to Your Mother." They're doing shows in 24 cites. Stories were due by February 15, and yesterday, it was announced who would be making it to the audition phase. The live show is going to be in May.

photo by createsimona

I had a prior committment (nothing major--a mini workshop that was non-work related) on March 2. Since that is one of the audition days, I decided I was going to have to cancel on the mini workshop. After all, a chance to speak out as a writer took precedence. At least I thought so. Checking my email yesterday, I got a message from the "Listen to Your Mother" folks that had "Thank you" in the subject line. Thank you? That doesn't sound good. That sounds too much like "Thank you, but no thanks." Whoah, Nellie. It seems I had put the cart waaaaay before the horse. Apparently there were 60 pieces and only 30 were chosen. My piece was one of the rejected ones. At least, I wouldn't have to cancel on my mini workshop. At least I wouldn't have to drum up support for the show. (The proceeds from the ticket sales helps out a charity.)

And I won't have to set aside that day in May for the show, either I thought to myself. Whoah again. Two writing friends, Linda O'Connell and the infamous Kim have made it to the audition phase. Most decidedly--if they are part of the show, I will be there to cheer them on. (I'll even refrain from heckling, though it will be hard. That will be my "gift" to them. Linda knows what a sacrifice that will be for me. I'll have to put my anti-SD on. What does "SD" stand for, you ask? The "D" stands for disturber. I'm leaving you to figure out what the "S" stands for.) 'Cause that's what writers do. They support each other. They celebrate their friends' publications, even when they themselves have been rejected. (Kim and Linda--I'm keeping my fingers crossed.)

Kim--If you're anything like I was as a mom (before my baby boy left home and forged out on his own), all you have to do is imagine you are delivering it to YOUR baby boy...and I know you will make the cut.

My condolences on the misplacement of your horse. If you had not been thinking ahead, you would have found out at the last minute that not only was your piece accepted, but that the Mother-Listeners had bypassed all other submissions, given you a one-woman show, and booked you on Jay Leno, requiring you to miss several days of school to showcase your talents. See? Karma dictated that the education of little children is more important than your stand-up career AT THIS TIME. Keep on yuckin'. Your comedy stylings will shine elsewhere. If the barrettes don't work, try a toothed plastic headband.

I rushed to that link with bated fingertips, all fired up when I first heard about it. Then saw the audition part. No thank you. I have more standing-in-front-of-an-audience-making-a-fool-of-myself opportunities than I need right now, just teaching the phospholipid bilayer to my high-schoolers six periods per day.

Good luck to Linda and Kim. I'm sure you would never think of heckling them. But wouldn't it be cool if they could trick you into wearing a gift necklace that was really one of those invisible fence dog collars, while they each had a zapper?

I have never kept my rejection slips. If I did, I would have a mound by now, and who needs it? It would be a reminder of my inability to get published. I focus on the positive but believe me, I know it is disheartening to be rejected. But, then again you can't win if you don't enter. Kootchy coo that piece up and send it on its way to a new venue. A shock collar...that val, makes you wonder what she does to Hick.

Hey - or Hay as the circumstance implies - keep me informed when the gig is set. I have heckling skills. (And if I ever get the red gem encrusted cattle prod I've been promised, I'd certainly allow you a turn with it.)