The 100 worst Country Music song titles.

All I Want From You (Is Away)
Written by Bobby Harden (ASCAP)
All My Exes Live In Texas
All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Written by Gene Plott, Harold Powell & Roni Stoneman (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart? (courtesy of Michael)
Double Parked Heart by Jim Pollock (BMI) (Could this be the same song?)
Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus? (courtesy of Sylvester)
by Mojo Nixon, Country Dick Montana, Peter & Louise Berryman (BMI)
According to Sylvester, the song contains the truly touching lyrics:
"Does your head pound Jesus as hung over you do rise....how does paradise look Jesus, through holy bloodshot eyes...
Should we take a cab home Jesus...aw man we can hoof it from here...
I know you can walk on the water but can you walk on this much beer?"
Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord? (courtesy of Joel)
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump (courtesy of Barry)
Apparently this is from a Weird Al Yankovic song, "One More Minute." But it sounds like a country title, so I'll keep it!
Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears (courtesy of Jim)
Bubba Shot The Jukebox

Bubba's Inconvenience Store
by Bett Butler (BMI)
Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You're Going Against the Grain (courtesy of Louis)
Apparently heard in Liverpool, 30 years ago. Wasn't there anything better to listen to in Liverpool 30 years ago???
Cow Cow Blues Written by Charles "Cow Cow" Davenport (ACAP), and recorded by Bing Crosby, among others.
Not a country song at all, as it turns out, but I've left it on the list because of the title's similarity to...

Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
This one's been performed by everyone from The Judds to Mel Torme, according to ASCAP. Also not to be confused with...
Cow Cow Strut
by Barbara Chamberlin (SOCAN)
Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter (courtesy of Scott)
Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
by Tanya Tucker (BMI)
Don't Chop Any Wood Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load! (courtesy of Garnet)
Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' on Yo-mind
by Loretta Lynn (BMI) (courtesy of Hamp)
Don't Give Me A Plastic Saddle 'Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride (courtesy of Diane)
Don't Squeeze My Sharmon. (Yes, that IS the correct spelling)
Written by Carl Belew & Van Givens (BMI)
Don't Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
Written by Pat Alger & Hal Ketchum (BMI)
Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life.)
Written by Paul Charles Craft
Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Written by Rex Pearce (BMI) (courtesy of Rick)
Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
by Bull Moose Jackson
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
Written by Richard Friedman (BMI)
Git Up Off'n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year's Eve)
by Red Ingle and the Natural Seven, Written by Foster Carling & Joe Washburne (ASCAP) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
by the Austin Lounge Lizards (ASCAP)

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
Written by Liz Anderson (BMI)
Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance (courtesy of Tom, who isn't sure it's a real song)
Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
Believe it or not, three songs with this title in the BMI database.
Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
by Travis Tritt - "It's All About to Change" (several folks submitted this one)
High Cost of Low Living
by John Steele & James Sloane (ASCAP)
Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again (courtesy of Susan)
How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me? (courtesy of Dan)
How Can I Get Over You Till You Get Out from Under Him? (alternate title courtesy of Mike)

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
Written by Leonard Linnehan & Louis Philip Perry (ASCAP) (courtesy of Charles)
But there are a half-dozen songs with this title in the BMI database!
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
According to Murphy, this song was written for the film Royal Wedding starring Fred Astaire, and was a novelty dance number.
This is confirmed by Esther, who remembers hearing the song as a little girl in the 1930s and 40s. She thinks it may have originated in Vaudeville.
How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
by Mel Tillis (BMI)
How Did You Get so Ugly Overnight? (courtesy of Mark, who's not sure it's a real song either)
I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
2 songs with this title in the BMI database (courtesy of Rick)
I Can't Pass the Bar, and There's One on my Way Home (courtesy of Rick)
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life (courtesy of Charles)
I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes 'Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus Sittin' on the Dashboard of my Car
a.k.a. "Plastic Jesus" by Ernie Marrs (courtesy of Bill)
I Don't Do Floors
by Don Cook & Charles Victor Rains (ASCAP)
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
by Thom Sharpe (courtesy of Gail, who tells me he wrote a number of comedy songs)
I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me (courtesy of "Narkspud")
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me (courtesy of Charles)
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
Written by Jack Clement (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade (courtesy of Bruce)
I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger (courtesy of Maureen)
I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
According to ASCAP, the acutal title is simply, "Tears In My Ears"
I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I'm Waitin In Your Welfare Line (courtesy of John)
I Got Through Everything But The Door
I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
by Vern Gosdin (ASCAP)
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
Written by Byron Gallimore, Don Pfrimmer & William Shore (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
I Only Miss You On The Days That End In " Y " (courtesy of Frank)
I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
There are 4 songs called "Artificial Flowers" in the BMI database (courtesy of Jerry)

I Still Miss You Baby... But My Aim is Getting Better (courtesy of Eric)
I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart (courtesy of Dan)
I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.
I Wanna Whip Your Cow (courtesy of Charles)
I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
According to Sean, this may be "I Looked Back" by Jimmy Eaton & Larry Wagner, recorded by Perry Como.
If that's the case, I think we can safely move it out of the "country" category!
On the other hand, according to Steve, it was a duet performed by Buck Owens and Susan Raye in the 1960s, called "Looking Back to See,"
which would move it right back into the "country" category.
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
by Rev.Billy C. Wirtz (courtesy of Zev)
I Wish I Were A Lesbian
by Loudon Wainwright III (ASCAP)

I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me) (courtesy of Mick)
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! (courtesy of Charles)
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win (courtesy of Charles)
I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing (courtesy of Mike)
I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
by Freddie Hart (BMI)
If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
Two songs with this title in the BMI database
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You (courtesy of Charles)
If I'd Killed You When I Wanted To, I'd be Out of Jail By Now (courtesy of Tom)
by Reuben Darnell
If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You
by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks (courtesy of Peter)
If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen (courtesy of Mike)
If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me
Five songs in the BMI database caleed "If I Were In Your Shoes" (courtesy of Mick)
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low (courtesy of Charles)
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You (courtesy of Charles and Ray)
If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I'd Blow It Al On You (Title from BMI database)
If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I'd Sneeze Them All Atchoo! (Another version of the title)
If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train (courtesy of Phil)
If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He'd Have a Ball in Mine
by Joe Diffie (ASCAP) (courtesy of Jennifer)
If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
2 songs with this title listed in the ASCAP database.
If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
by Jimmy Buffett, also recorded by Crystal Gayle (ASCAP) (courtesy of Carol)
If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw It Back In
3 songs titled "If Today Was a Fish" in the BMI database. (courtesy of Rick & Frank)
If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me
Written by Tim Bussey & Mark Maxwell (BMI)
If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
by Neal McCoy (BMI) (courtesy of Betsy)
If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl.
by Tommy Collins (BMI)
If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?
Written by Benjamin Costello, Alexis Feltham & Jason Whalley (BMI) (courtesy of Simon)
If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will (courtesy of Barry)
If You Ever Get the Feelin' I Don't Love You, Feel Again.
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Three songs in the BMI database with this title. (courtesy of Charles)
If You Leave Me I'm Gone
by Hunter Davis (ASCAP)
If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave (courtesy of Phil)
If You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time
by Hank Williams (courtesy of Bill)
If You’re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me! (courtesy of Peter)
If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right (courtesy of Kathy)
by Vern Gosdin & Max Barnes (BMI)
If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart (courtesy of Blair)
If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD