Sucking Goats on a Budget

Should’ve turned off the TV after they open with “This film is dedicated to all those who lost their lives during the production of this documentary.” It’d should read “wasted their lives.”

In the pocket change budgeted Legend of the Chupacabra (2000), a chick zoology student videotapes something paranormal turning her uncle’s goats into barn ravioli. Enlisting the help of additional meals, uh, students, she also teams up with an ex-Marine (what, the Navy not good enough for you?), and goes after documenting the alleged Chupacabra.

Since we’re all gonna have to learn how to speak Spanish sooner or later, “Chupracabra” is Latino for “goat sucker.” (The sucking part, quite thankfully, refers to the blood extraction process.)

They find El Suckero, and it turns out to be human-sized and looking suspiciously like a rubber costume. How embarrassing for him/her. By banging the camera around, they make it hard to focus on the creature’s zipper. Trapped in a passenger van, Chupie pounds on the door and rocks the vehicle while everyone screams. (He does that often, just to get a rise out of ’em.)

A few die, everyone else yawns. I’m as yet undecided on which side I’d rather be on after enduring this suckfest.