Sometimes I happen to be in the right place at the right time to hear just the right thing to share with the 10s of 10s who read my blog. Yesterday was one of those days. Keene Middle School teacher Dominic DiBenedetto, with co-teacher Liza Mann, was one of the keynote speakers at the school’s Achievement (aka graduation) Day. He and his shared some great advice on Not Being That Guy, With their permission, I’m sharing an abridged version of their remarks because…well, it’s good advice for all of us.

How not to be That Guy.

1.Don’t waste your time.

Don’t waste time thinking about negativity or the empty criticisms people say to you. Put the little time you have to use productively acting on what you believe in and know is true. Take advice that empowers you, and for goodness’ sake, let today be the last day you allow boredom make you boring.

2. ALWAYS BE KIND

Be kind always and to help others when you can. No kindness is too small. Oftentimes, people miss an opportunity to be kind to someone because they feel like it’s not big enough. The most important gestures can be small: a smile, picking up a dropped item, a hug. Sometimes it can be as simple as standing up for those who are too tired and need a helping hand. These tiny actions are what people will remember. If you spend your time thinking about how best to spread kindness, you’ll generate and experience the benefits of more positivity. That positivity will drive out any discontent you lock up, and you and everyone will feel true joy.

3.LAUGH THINGS OFF

Sharing laughter with someone is a great way to make people and yourself feel good. Like when you show your real snorty, knee-bending, gasping for air laughter… or even a controlled chuckle and a knowing glance, inspired by an inside joke. Laughing together helps you see the world a little brighter and open yourself up to others. Like how right off the bat Mrs. Mann and I knew we were going to work well together because we both feel comfortable laughing at ourselves. Seek the humor in everyday life. And surround yourselves with people who make you laugh. Don’t take yourself too seriously. When you share laughter with others, you build a shared experience and trust, and those lead to strong collaboration.

4. STAY YOUNG

The world is telling you to act your age, so do that. Act YOUR age, not theirs. After all, you shouldn’t have to act as though you’re 30, when your actual age is half that. Responsibilities come with growing up, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be silly or that you can’t have fun. Hold on to your youth, don’t be too serious about life, and more than anything, stay young at heart.

Spend your time exploring those things which positively add to your life. Find a cause, a hobby, or a subject to become passionate about. Some of you have found that passion while others are still searching, but regardless of where you stand, continue to work on it. You’ll never regret spending time on something that matters to you.

You aren’t the problem that people say you are and you should encourage yourself and your peers not to give in to the negativity that adults have and try to spread to you. Some adults write you off.

They use that dismissive phrase, “kids these days,”

But we know you raise your hearts for more love in this place –
They started the race and they try to outpace,
but you embrace even as they backspace,
and you will all amaze and liaise so nobody strays
from the finish line they’re secretly creating and discreetly updating
Their bar keeps rising and they keep criticising
but you’ll keep surprising and actualizing
Before they ever apologize.

You will keep enterprising, opening closed doorways,
ignoring imposed clichés because the way we appraise,
this generation’s success is unswayed, and it stays
All because of you, the kids these days.

You still have a lot to do! Although we complain to anyone who will listen, adults are right about one thing. There just is not a lot of time. Each day moves faster, and suddenly years start to feel more like mere months. The time to make good choices and be happy with yourself is now. Don’t wait for tomorrow to do what you can today.

If you take what we said to heart, then you’re actively avoiding being that guy. Even if you lose a Snapstreak Or forget to do your homework (but you should probably do your homework.)

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You’re busy- we’re all busy- so I’ll give it to you straight: You need Critical Skills because you have high aspirations. You have big goals for your students and you’re tired because big goals and high aspirations can be exhausting. You want your students to do real work, you want them to show that they really know how to use the stuff they’re learning- beyond rote memorization and perfunctory projects. You want the time spent in your classroom to mean something.

You want to do the Makerthing- but you’re not quite sure what that means or how you do it.

You’re suddenly being told you need to use proficiencies or competencies or something like that- but you don’t know how to design lessons that do that and you absolutely don’t love what you’re being given by the big textbook companies.

This is why Critical Skills. This is why you. This why now.

When you come to a Critical Skills Institute, you experience a year in a Critical Skills Classroom. You’ll experience what it feels like, looks like, sounds like, when teachers act as facilitators and students do the hard, inspiring, energizing work of learning. This is the professional development you’re used to. It’s collaborative, hands-on, and responsive.

It’s professional learning that walks its talk.

You’ll leave with units you can use right away, customized to your own students and your own learning goals and a clear understanding of how to design learning experiences efficiently.

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“I really believe in this, but (as always seems to be the case) I can’t quite figure out how to do it with the kids I have this year. Sigh.”

“I thought I’d planned for everything but I didn’t realize that…”

“I know this should work. Why doesn’t it work? If I could just make this work everything would go so much better”

“It seemed to work well for everyone except A and G, so I guess I need to go back to the drawing board to figure out what to do differently.”

There you have it- a summary of the accumulated writings of my graduate students over the last 15 years. The theme? “I tried X and it didn’t work quite right (or for everyone). I failed and need to do better next time. If only I could figure out X, I could finally get to the work of teaching.”

If only I could figure out X, I could finally get to the work of teaching.

It seems to me that this is so the reality of teaching. Always and everywhere- ideals and reality clash and struggle together and that’s the work- fitting and re-fitting over and over. If I could give my students (and teachers everyone) one gift, it would be an understanding that this struggle isn’t the thing that gets in the way of our work, it is our work.

I think we sometimes believe that we’re not doing the “teaching” thing right when it’s

messy and awkward, but the business of education is, by its nature, messy and awkward because: human beings. The messy and awkward IS teaching- the attempt to match up our highest ideals and aspirations with the gritty reality of nurturing young, developing human beings. If we were surgeons, we’d expect mess and unpredictability and a never-ending sense of “what’s the next problem?” but for some reason teachers think we’re supposed to able to anticipate everything, plan for it, and prevent it from going sideways from time to time.- all while maintaining a cool, organized, professional façade.

Personally, I think that would be bad practice- even if we could do it which of course we can’t. It would take all of the messy-awkward-learning out of it- for the students and for us. The “whoops- that didn’t work- now what” factor isn’t a sign of dysfunction, it’s evidence that you’re authentically IN the work. If we’re really doing it, we’re grappling with ideas and problems and the messy reality of human development. And what better what to model for our students what it is to be fully present, real, learning human being that for them to see us grappling, figuring out, “learning out loud” as it were.

That’s the nature of teaching.

So the next time you’re feeling frustrated because you can’t get to the content you want to cover or you can’t figure out how to solve the problem in front of you, please, please, please be gentle with yourself. It’s not about trying and trying and trying until you get it right. You are getting it right, so long as you’re staying in it with all the authentic presence you have in you.

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I have kids. Real, live students. In my library. The last time I had students, well, let’s just say that the internet was brand new and leave it at that.

I started easy- just the 5/6 first thing and the 3/4 at the end of the day (the k-3 kids have a guest reader). Figuring that the 5/6 kids are already experts in how to make the library a safe, fun place where everyone can learn, I asked them to write our rules before they went to pick out books.

This is important because 1) I have a lot to do and 2) I have a really, whole lot to do. Like, a lot. It’s also important because it’s been a long time since I had a class of my own and, let’s be honest, my street cred is a bit weak at this point. So…I have a lot to do.

One of my favorite things about working at Antioch is our faculty. They’re largely still in the classroom full or part time and those who aren’t, well, they were in the classroom. Recently. Really, really recently. So now it’s my turn to brush the dust of my pedagogy. So far I’m feeling hopeful largely because of the cheers (yes, really- CHEERS) that greeted me in the 1/2 room when the teacher introduced me and announced that the library would reopen after the holiday. They actually, really, truly CHEERED about that.

So first thing first- I need to order some books. Our collection is great but it could be so much more great, if you know what I mean. Today I’m going to be looking at our graphic novels and our award winners- we need to have more of them in here. I have an awesome volunteer coming in to help with Mount Shelvmore, so we’ll make a bit of progress on that. So…wish me luck. I get kids the first Tuesday after break, so I have exactly 2 days (weeks?). And I’m meeting the 3rd and 4th graders at 10:30.

Wish me luck. Did I mention I have a LOT to do today?

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It’s been 15 years since I had a classroom of my own. I’ve taught all manner of graduate students since then, face to face and online, but they’ve all been grownups (at least legally). I’ve been in hundreds of k-12 classrooms, working with teachers at all levels and subjects in all kinds of settings, but my own space, with my own kiddos? Nope. Not in awhile.

Today that changes. Well, sort of. Today I’m starting a new role (while also keeping my old role) as a brand-spanking-new Library Media Specialist in a local (very rural, very small) elementary school. I’ll only be there one day a week (though I realize it’s going to take more time than that) but I’m totally and completely jazzed and excited. I’m switching sides- instead of being the coach helping a teacher figure out how to do new stuff, I’m going to be the teacher looking for help. I’ll be pursuing my Alternative cert (which is something I usually help other people do), so I’ll get to see what that feels like from the other side. Right now I’m back in “how do I do a PO” and “What’s my login for the computer?” land for the first time in a decade and a half.

This is both terrifying and freaking AWESOME.

I’ll keep you posted. Right now I have to go figure out what all of this stuff means.

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“Well, I’ll tell you…they seem to be pretty determined to blame their students for being teenagers. It’s sort of hard to teach ’em when you’re mad all the time, you know?”

That was the short report from one of my school coaches recently. Being as how I seem to spend a lot of time these days reminding people (parents, teachers, MYSELF) that teenagers are just not adults, no matter how much we WANT them to be adults….well…I’ll give you the tl:dr upfront:

Teenage brains, for the most part, aren’t able to do what adult brains can. At least not consistently. They’re learning how to be adults, but they aren’t there yet. When they were babies we didn’t get mad at them for falling down while learning to walk or when they made a mess while learning to use a spoon. We didn’t go all Zero Tolerance- Suspension- Incarceration on the three year olds who threw tantrums. It’s easier to remember that humans develop on their own timelines when they’re young and cute (and easily controlled physically). We just keep giving them chances to practice, picking them up when they fall, wiping their faces and cleaning up the mess until they get the hang of whatever we’re trying to teach them.

Teens aren’t as cute. They scare us a little. Plus they LOOK like adults so it’s easy to forget…

But they aren’t adults. Don’t for a minute assume that just because they got it right once, they’ll get it right consistently- because they won’t. They can’t.

So it’s pretty clear- they aren’t doing these things just to make you mad. So Stop Being Mad at Them. It’s not helping you and it’s not helping them. You may have to teach it (and “it” could be anything from the Pythagorean theorem to Turn In Your Homework Every. Single. Time to Put Your Phone Away I’m Talking to You) 10,000 times before they get it. Just like their parents had to help them stand up again roughly 10,000 times and don’t even get me started on the success/not yet ratio related to potty training.

This growing up thing is a process, not an event. No fair getting unreasonably crabby when they fall short. And if you’re crabby more than 50% of the time, you’re being unreasonable- and you’re making your own job harder.

Anyone who’s ever been yelled at or discounted can tell you- it’s stressful. And stress isn’t good for brains. Need proof of that? Here or Here or Here

Tired of clicking? Here:

“when the youngsters heard the criticism, they had a negative emotional reaction (see: eye roll and exasperated sigh) as well a lack of ability to process what was being said (see: “Wah-wa, wah-wa, wah-wa). But a surprising find was that, while hearing their mother’s criticism, the adolescents were not able to understand where their mother was coming from.”