Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories Walkthrough :

This walkthrough for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories [PSP] has been posted at 24 Feb 2010 by NJ Ninja and is called "Flash FM Script". If walkthrough is usable don't forgot thumbs up NJ Ninja and share this with your freinds. And most important we have 13 other walkthroughs for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories, read them all!

Walkthrough - Flash FM Script

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Checking the margins, checking the margins, blah, blah, blah...
Forelli_Boy presents:
The UNCENSORED Guide to Flash FM!
Were you expecting some distracting ASCII art?
Let's just get to the good stuff already! :3
But first, a word our sponsor, the virtual attorney.
+ +
Disclaimer
+ +
Like the title says, this is the UNCENSORED guide to Flash FM, as played in
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories. While the songs may not contain explicit
(albeit some implied) lyrics, the stuff the DJs talk about may irritate younger
readers. So if you haven't already listened to the banter yourself, you might
not want to scroll down if there's a parent nearby. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
Grand Theft Auto, Flash FM and so on are registered trademarks of Rockstar
Games, and their use here is solely for information and entertainment purposes.
NO PART OF THIS GUIDE may be reproduced on any other website or publication
apart from GameFAQs, NeoSeeker, and Super Cheats without the author's express
written permission.
I will also NOT provide free links to these songs as you can easily get them for
free on P2P. Though if you really like an artist you'll do the right-right thing
and use cash to get it.
==================================================0o0=
+==============+
| Introduction |
+==============+
"God, if I hear any more of that Wave 103 I'm going to fucking kill myself!"
- Teri, Flash FM
"It's the EIGHTIES! And your only moral purpose is your own happiness,
no matter what the cost to others!" - Dwayne Thorn, VCPR
We're supposed to remember the 80s for the wild hair, synthesizers, sexual
ambiguity and unprotected promiscuity. You know, the stuff of that -other-
station (this means you, and you know who you are that created -that- other
guide.) But music society is still dominated by those Top 40 and Billboard
Top 100. And the unprotected promiscuity... and the sexual ambiguity.
Anyway, THESE were the songs that birthed the MTV generation and played pre-
natal for the teens on YouTube. THESE were the artifical-corporate-sugar-cola-
pop tunes that spread like wildfire among aspiring teeny boppers and helped
plant the roots of our generation's lust for indulgence of every kind, be it
self-absorbed expression through everything from internet-posted video to what
Fernando Martinez would call "passion," or a combination of both, thanks to pop
icons Paris Hilton and Britney Spears and Gerard Way and the list goes on.
Today these hits are the retribution of the illegitimate child of new-wave
and metal that is punk and emo, but they're still the mainstream, and THAT's
what matters.
THIS is but a small selection of the eclectic array of one-hit wonders and '80s
legends that anybody can listen to without having to question their own
sexuality. There are also commercials that parody many of the things we loved
about the '80s that we can still find today, from senseless action movies to
xenophobic patriotic tirades.
After all, it's just a blast from a past that people born just too late to catch
can still enjoy and learn from its influence in a society that's starting to
succumb to Red values now that there aren't any real Reds to show it too. (China
doesn't count because they also happened to be the first capitalists, and
they've merged the two ideologies nicely. Cuba and North Korea?
Don't make me laugh.
THIS was true freedom, 1980s style.
THIS...was FLASH FM. Sit back, relax, and enjoy it.
And yourself, but that's to your discretion, not mine.
==================================================0o0=
+==========+
| Contents |
+==========+
See a section that you like? Just type in the four-letter string corresponding
to the song or commercial you want into your browser's search function, and
press the Find button to discover or re-discover that pleasure you missed!
I. Version Information [VEIN]
II. Guide to the Guide [G2TG]
III. The Script & Lyrics [TSLY]
01. Laura Branigan - Gloria [LBGL]
02. Rick Springfield - Human Touch [RSHT]
C1. Fast Forward™ In-Vehicle Audio [FFVA]
03. INXS - The One Thing [IN1T]
04. Philip Bailey & Phil Collins - Easy Lover* [PCEL]
C2. Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2 [IIX2]
05. Scandal - The Warrior [SCTW]
06. Alison Moyet - Love Resurrection* [AMLR]
07. Alan Parsons Project - Games People Play* [APGP]
C3. The Barfs™ [THBA]
08. Hall & Oates - Family Man [HOFM]
09. Pat Benatar - Love is a Battlefield* [PBLB]
C4. Evacuator [EVAC]
10. Nik Kershaw - Wouldn't it be Good [NKWG]
11. Philip Oakey & Giorgio Moroder - Together in Electric Dreams* [GMED]
C5. Little Lacy Surprise™ [LLSU]
12. Talk Talk - It's My Life [TTML]
13. Missing Persons - Destination Unknown [MPDU]
14. Wang Chung - Don't Let Go [WCDL]
15. Gino Vannelli - Appaloosa* [GVAP]
16. Genesis - Turn it on Again* [GETA]
C6. Mallet to a Maibatsu [M2AM]
17. Blancmange - Living On The Ceiling* [BLLC]
18. Paul Young - Come Back and Stay* [PYCB]
*(Lyrics transcribed entirely or almost entirely by me. :) I did check some
sites though, just to get one or two lines per song that I didn't
understand the first time around.)
IV. Email Policy [EMAP]
V. Special Thanks To [SPTT]
==================================================0o0=
+========================+
| I. Version Information | [VEIN]
+========================+
One - 31 Dec 2006 - The First Release! Happy New Year!
One.1 - 08 Jan 2006 - Corrected the Impanté commercial.
One.2 - 16 Mar 2006 - More Trivia for "Easy Lover."
One.3 - 31 Mar 2006 - Couple of corrections, courtesy of Allan Mills.
Djen Kuje!
+========================+
| II. Guide to the Guide | [G2TG]
+========================+
Spoken lines are
FORMATTED: Like This,
While lines sung in commercials by different people are
(Formatted)
like this!
However, parentheses are also used in lyrics to
denote that someone else's lyrics (are being sung) as part of the same verse.
Actions during radio and commercialsare also
(bordered in parentheses), but don't have anything starting directly underneath.
Actions by the radio station that interrupt the song are
((bordered with double parentheses.)) On the contrary, (Begin Music)
marks the points where the following song begins during gaps in the dialogue.
You'll also see a divider such as this:
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
which technically marks the end of a song's lyrics or commercial's script.
This is not to confusedly mix in too much dialogue with the part of the song
you will not hear in-game anyway.
((RD)) in particular stands for "Resume Dialogue," marking the point
where the DJs or other voices take over.
[Trivia and commentary are provided in single brackets.]
+==========================+
| III. The Script & Lyrics | [TSLY]
+==========================+
[Here we goooooooo!]
(Begin Music)
Male Imaging - MI: This is Flash FM!
TERI: Hello, America! Wake up and go to bed with Teri and Toni!
+---------------------------+
| Laura Branigan - "Gloria" | [LBGL]
+---------------------------+
[Laura Branigan released "Gloria" in 1982, on her debut album Branigan. This
brash, dynamic, sassy hit was originally written as a softer, sweeter Italian
love ballad in the late 70s, but Branigan and her producers were able to give
this song an "American kick" (and English lyrics) that turned it into one of
the 1980s most memorable hits and her signature song.
The song reached #2 on the Billboard Hot 100, peaked at #6 in Britain and even
stayed at #1 for seven weeks in Australia. It also won Branigan a Grammy
nomination. The song was also featured in the critically-panned 80s box-office
hit "Flashdance," whose score was produced by Giorgio Moroder.
Branigan re-recorded the song in 2004 shortly before her death, and the
resulting "Gloria 2004" became a hit in dance clubs.]
Gloria, you're always on the run now
Runnin' after somebody,
You've gotta get him somehow,
I think you've got to slow down,
Before you start to blow it,
I think you're headin' for a breakdown,
So be careful not to show it...
You really don't remember,
Was it something that he said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria!
Gloria!
Don't you think you're falling?
If everybody wants you,
Why isn't anybody calling?
You don't have to answer,
Leave them hanging on the line,
Calling Gloria!
Gloria! (Gloria!)
I think they got your number (Gloria!)
I think they got the alias (Gloria!)
That you've been living under... (Gloria!)
But you really don't remember,
Was it something that they said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria!
Gloria!
How's it gonna go down?
Will you meet him on the main line?
Or will you catch him on the rebound?
Will you marry for the money?
Take a lover in the afternoon?
Feel your innocence slipping away,
Don't believe it's coming back soon...
And you really don't remember,
Was it something that he said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria!
Gloria!
Don't you think you're falling?
If everybody wants you,
Why isn't anybody calling?
You don't have to answer,
Leave them hanging on the line, oh,
Calling Gloria!
Gloria! ((RD)) (Gloria!)
I think they got your number, (Gloria!)
I think they got the alias, (Gloria!)
That you've been living under... (Gloria!)
But you really don't remember,
Was it something that they said?
All the voices in your head calling, Gloria!
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TONI: Flash FM, the hits don't pop or stop. You can win money just by listening
to this station or servicing a bouncer...you know how much ASS I get in
snakeskin pants-
[Correction pointed out by Allan Mills. Thanks!]
TERI: You're gonna short circuit...calm down over there! Anyway, thanks to you
we are Vice City's TOP POP STATION, baby!
TONI: (canned applause) WOO HOOO! Party ou-t in the studio-!
TERI: A lot of calls for that tune, especially from the record rep who just
bought me three grams of snort. I'd jump his bones just because it's NOW,
baby! It's here! I've got SCABS on my knees!
TONI: Toni and Teri is a Flash Morning Zoo! But it like, lasts all day?
And don't feed Teri, she's a baboon, or an elephant.
TERI: That's right, whore, we're so crazy. I'm crazy, are you crazy Toni-
TONI: (panicking) I'm so crazy I need a water fountain...or an Indian to throw
around. Ring your bell, rock your boat, send a self-addressed Morse code
message to your slacks! This is Flash™ taking you through the day AND
night. Here's another great tune.
+----------------------------------+
| Rick Springfield - "Human Touch" | [RSHT]
+----------------------------------+
[Rick Springfield released "Human Touch" as part of his 1983 album Living In
Oz.
The song made #18 on the Billboard Hot 100, and was the album's second most
popular hit after "Affair of the Heart." Springfield is best known for his
Grammy-award-winning smash hit "Jessie's Girl," from his 1981 album Working
Class Dog.]
Everybody's talking to computers,
They're all dancing to a drum machine,
I know I'm living on the outside,
Scared of getting caught between,
I'm so cool and calculated, alone in the modern world, uh huh,
But Sally has a hard time holding back,
The alley to her heart is a beaten track,
She's got the love monkey riding on her back...
You want love, I want it!
We all need... the human touch!
We all need... the human touch!
I need it, the human touch!
We all need... the human touch!
We all need it, and I need it too...
You know I've got my walls, Sally calls them prison cells
Sometimes I need protection,
I've got the chains, I got the warning bells
I sit so snug and isolated alone in the modern world, uh huh,
But Sally has a hard time holding back,
The alley to her heart is a beaten track,
She's never out of love, yet she's gotten that act,
You've got love, I want it, come on girl!
We all need... the human touch!
We all need... the human touch
I need it, the human touch!
We all need... the human touch
We all need it... and I need it too...
Human touch!
Human touch!
Human touch!
Human touch!
(Instrumental)
I'm so scared and isolated in the modern world,
We all need...
We all need... ((RD)) the human touch
We all need... the human touch
We all need... the human touch
I need it, the human touch
We all need... the human touch
I need it, the human touch
We all need it, and I need it too...
Human touch!
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TERI: Flash FM! Some Rick Springfield, "Human Touch," Toni wouldn't know
anything about that, she's only slept with things that take batteries!
TONI: I wish I COULD put in some batteries so my mouth didn't get so tired!
That tour bus is a chore. But it's the price of fame I think!
TERI: That thing on your lip looks infected, Toni.
(Stop music)
FEMALE IMAGING - FI: Pop music young girls hot pants (laser effect),
inappropriate thoughts! (laser impact) It's Flash FM!
[Note: All of the FI lines are sung.]
TERI: Hold your breath, blow a kazoo, it's time for a commercial breakdown!
TONI: Which is better than a mental breakdown, Teri's had three of those.
TERI: You're a witch.
TONI: You're a bitch!
+ -o0o- +
Fast-Forward In-Vehicle Audio [FFVA]
+ -o0o- +
[Note: If there's only one voice speaking, I won't even bother to name it.]
Here at Fast-Forward™ In-Vehicle Audio we're taking in-car music to the future!
For some time now sophisticated music-loving drivers have understood that the
future of music is the AUDIO CASSETTE!
(lasers)
Fast forward, rewind time and time again, (whoosh) it's the Fast-Forward™
promise and it's available today, no money down, full credit, just 3.55% APR!
In particular, for people who like to make superior quality mixtapes that
really have a message, we were the first company in the state to offer
Super Hi-Fious Chrome Metallic cassettes!
Take your music anywhere, it never skips or scratches,
just rips, tears or melts!
Our unique low financing offer gives you the future, today!
(whoosh)
Fast-Forward™! The future is yours if you can handle it!
Stop by Fast-Forward™ In-Vehicle Audio today!
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
(Begin Music)
MI: Flash FM, Vice City.
TERI: The only one to listen to while you're at work...unless you're unemployed
or laid off at your job as an air traffic controller in which case,
GO SCREW!
TONI: This is Flash FM!
+------------------------+
TERI: | INXS - "The One Thing" | [IN1T]
+------------------------+
["The One Thing" was the first single off INXS' 1983 album "Shabooh
Shoobah."
The album was their third and the first to be released worldwide, and "The One
Thing" was their first Top 30 hit, marking their breakthrough into the American
music scene. Their song "Kiss the Dirt (Falling Down the Mountain)"
from their 1985 album Listen Like Thieves is featured in the original
Vice City.]
Well you know just what you do to me,
The way you move soft, and slippery,
Cut the night just like a razor,
Rarely talk and that's the dan-ger...
It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...
You know your voice is a love song,
It's a cat call from the past,
There's no ice in your lovers' walk,
You don't look twice cause you move so...fast...
It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...
You've got a dozen men behind you
You've got dead flowers on the floor
You're too pretty in the daylight
It keeps them coming back for more
(Because you know I love you)
It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...
It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...
((RD))
It's...the...one...thing...
You...are...my...thing...
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TONI: So I was sleeping with this married guy, and he was so, hot. I couldn't
even believe it, like we were going and going and going for hours and
hours.
TERI: Figures, you skank.
TONI: At least I have some energy.
TERI: Uh, excuse me-
TONI: You deadbeat hag!
TERI: Uh, at least I got the best coke in the world.
TONI: Yeah, and you're so cracked out on it you can't even get it up. (pause)
Wait a minute...
(Previous Song Ends, Begin Music)
PHIL COLLINS: Hi, this is Phil Collins 'ere. When I'm in Vice City I only listen
to Flash FM - Where Pop Meets Payola.
+---------------------------------------------+
| Philip Bailey & Phil Collins - "Easy Lover" | [PCEL]
+---------------------------------------------+
[Interestingly, this song was released in 1985, one year AFTER VCS's date.
The song was written by Bailey and Collins and produced by the latter,
but Bailey is credited first as the song first appeared on his 1985 album
Chinese Wall. One of the most successful (chart-wise) songs on the list,
this song topped the UK charts and came in second in the Billboard 100.
The song would later be included on Collins' 1990 live album
Serious Hits...Live!, and Hits, a 1998 compilation album. The song is also
popular at Collins' live shows.
"Easy Lover" is featured as the music on the second trailer to VCS,
and was also the theme song to the very first WrestleMania.
This song is one of THREE Phil Collins hits in Vice City Stories. Philip Bailey
is also a vocalist for Earth, Wind & Fire, who have their hit "Fantasy" on
VCFL.
Jeffrey Fong wrote in and added that Easy Lover debuted on the Billboard Charts
on November 24, 1984, and then cracked the top 40 the following month but
didn't peak until 1985. Thanks for the heads up!]
(Chorus, Bailey & Collins)
She's an easy lover, she'll get a hold on you, believe it
Like no other, Before you know it you'll be on your knees
She's an easy lover, she'll take your heart but you won't feel it
She's like no other, and I'm just tryin' to make you see!
(Bailey)
She's the kind of girl you dream of
Dream of keepin' hold of
Better forget it, you'll never get it
She will play around and leave you
Leave you and deceive you
Better forget it, Ho-oh, you'll regret it
(Collins)
No you'll never change it so leave it, leave it
Get out quick 'cause seein' is believin'
It's the only way, you'll ever know
(Chorus)
(Bailey)
You're the one that wants to hold her
Hold her and control her
Better forget it, you'll never get it
Who should say that there's no other
'Till she finds another
Better forget it, ho-oh, you'll regret it
(Collins)
And don't try to change it, just leave it, leave it,
You're not the only one who seein' is believin'
It's the only way (B&C) you'll never know, oh...aaah...
(Instrumental) ((RD))
(Collins)
Now don't try to change it, just leave it, leave it,
You're not the only one who seein' is believin'
It's the only way (B&C) you'll never know...
(Repeat Chorus to Fade)
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
MI: This is Flash™!
FI: Fla-fla-fla-fla-fla-Flash FM™!
TONI: I'm an easy lover!
TERI: Did we screw last night? I was so, wasted!
TONI: I don't know but if we did, you SUCKED 'cause I TOTALLY don't remember it.
TERI: This is Flash FM and if you know how ugly Toni is you'll be glad you're
listening to radio, NOT watching television-
TONI: Shut up, ya hag!
+ +
Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2 [IIX2]
+ +
[Auto buffs like me should remember Ford's obscure yet critically-acclaimed
Merkur XR4Ti, that is currently featured in a certain webcomic which, much like
that -other- station, also deals with sexual ambiguity in a most unusual way.
But back to the car, one can see the reference through:
1) the "exotic" yet pronounceable brand name,
2) the unusually long and confusing trim line, and
3) the fact that it was marketed as a man's performance car.
Special thanks to Mio for pointing out some omitted lines!]
Leisure. Rebellion. Insubordination. Shift into the awesome reality with the
Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2.
For men more interested in 0-to-60 than 9-to-5.
Feel the pulse of the streets in this ultra turbo coupe.
It's a world-class turbocharged touring car,
where you're surrounded by the very latest in high-tech technological wizardry.
Like an overhead digital clock, remote control mirrors,
and electronic ashing device for your cigarette.
Plus, a genuine pleather-wrapped steering wheel,
so you know what you're gripping.
Visit the new definition of freedom and luxury with the
Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2.
Take out the T-tops, put them in the trunk, step on the gas,
and hear the throaty roar of
the V-8 screaming under the hood.
(revving)
Yeah. Give it to her. She wants it. (exhaust burst)
The Impanté Insurrection Turbo XRZ5 X-2.
Isn't it time you outperformed the competition, and came first?
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
(Begin Music)
TERI: Totally radical Two for Tuesdays or Tips on Tuesdays, ugh, TITS!
TONI: You're running out of steam, let me take over. On the move, flyin' and
hittin', shittin' and quittin'! Flash FM, ALWAYS something loony!
+-------------------------+
| Scandal - "The Warrior" | [SCTW]
+-------------------------+
[This 1984 single marked the end of mainstream success of this rock band from
the early 1980s. "The Warrior" was their highest-charting hit, making #7 on
the
Hot 100. However, struggles between individual group members and their record
company slowly dissolved the group until only two original members started
their 1984 tour, named after this song. The band, however, reunited for a few
nostalgia tours in 2005-6, which garnered critical acclaim.]
You run, run, run away,
It's your heart that you betray,
Feeding on your hungry eyes,
I bet you're not so civilized,
Well isn't love primitive,
A wild gift that you wanna give,
Break out of captivity,
And follow me stereo jungle child,
Love is the kill, your heart's still wild!
(Chorus)
Shooting at the walls of heartache, Bang, Bang!
I am the warrior...
Well I am the warrior,
And heart to heart you'll win
If you survive...
the warrior, the warrior!
You talk, talk, you talk too me,
Your eyes touch me physically,
Stay with me, we'll take the night,
As passion takes another bite, oh,
Who's the hunter, who's the game,
I feel the beat, call your name,
I hold you close, in victory,
I don't wanna tame your animal style,
You won't be caged, in the call of the wild!
(Repeat Chorus)
I am the warrior...
(Instrumental) ((RD))
(Repeat Chorus)
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
(Fade Music)
FI: Flash, FM!
TERI: Flash FM, only the rules get busted, not Toni or Teri.
TONI: That's right, I've blown every policeman who's ever pulled me over.
TERI: Slut, I've only blown the hot ones. The ugly guys get a handjob.
(laser sounds)
FI: (musical) We hate singing this shit, but our record deal fell through,
it's Flash FM!
(start up ambience)
TERI: Ah, yes. Flash FM, Vice City, I'm TERI. The great thing about music
before videos was you didn't have to see naked purple midgets crawling out
of bathtubs. You MADE your own video. Radio will always rule and these new
videos are CRAP!
TONI: I'm going to be in the video for this next song, I think. It's going to be
about how I always get past the bouncers at the hottest clubs.
TERI: Right, sliding past the bouncer on your knees, you skank.
TONI: (mutter)You have crabs...bitch.(/mutter) And I get to dance-off with an
angry pimp, and make out with an artist who likes to paint on a fire
escape during thunderstorms. Man, I love my life. I love myself!
TERI: SOMEONE has to. This is Flash FM, Vice City.
FI: Another song we're paid to play!
+------------------------------------+
| Alison Moyet - "Love Resurrection" | [AMLR]
+------------------------------------+
[Undoubtedly the better of the Alison Moyet songs on the VCS soundtrack, the
other being her song as a member of Yazoo on that -other- station. In fact,
this song was the first single off of Alf, her first album after Yazoo
disbanded in 1983. (HAH!) The album, named after her punk-era nickname, would
be the first in a line of successful Moyet works in the UK. Another single from
the album, "Invisible," made the Top 40 in the US.]
What can I do to make light of this dull, dull day?
What switch can I pull to illuminate the way?
Show me one direction, I will not question again...
For a warm injection is all I need to calm the pain!
We all need a love (resurrection, just a little divine intervention)
We all need a love (resurrection)
Just a little divine (intervention)
What seed must I sow to replenish this barren land?
Teach me to harvest, I want you to grow in my hand,
Let's be optimistic, let's say that we won't toil in vain...
If we pull together, we'll never fall apart again!
We all need a love (resurrection, just a little divine intervention)
We all need a love (resurrection)
Just a little divine (intervention)
We need a love!...resurrection (We need a love...)
Just a little divine (intervention)
(Instrumental)
Show me one direction, I will not question again, no no,
For a warm injection is all I need to calm the pain!
We all need a love (resurrection, just a little divine intervention)
We all need a love (resurrection,) ((RD))
Just a little divine (intervention)
We need a love...resurrection
Hey...Ooh...
We need a love...(wee need a love resurrection,
(Just a little divine intervention)
We need a love, resurrection...
(Fade Out)
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TONI: Hey there baby, I LOVE pop music! I can tell you, it reminds me that
everything is young, and disposable. Teri wouldn't know that.
TERI: Ugh, I'm 25-
TONI: And 25 is like the new 40, like "Oh my God, you might die ANY MOMENT!"
...You're going grey.
MI: Flash FM!
FI: Vice, City!
TERI: Totally awesome, that song makes me wanna go back to therapy,
as long as we keep it purely Freudian. Playing trumpet is very
therapeutic.
[According to Allan Mills, the word was Freudian, as in "the psychiatrist
Sigmund Freud and his theories about certain normal actions being linked to
sexual activities. Teri in this case is saying she'd like to go back to therapy
as long as she doesn't have to have perform sexual acts in the process. She
mentions "playing trumpet" which is a reference to oral sex, but she's saying
she just wants to play an actual trumpet."
So she WAS talking about the brass band instrument. Thanks for the heads-up!]
TONI: (heavy sniff) Flash FM, reminding you that gasoline and alcohol don't mix
so...don't drink any gasoline. I tried it once when I was REALLY desperate
for a buzz!
(Begin Music)
TERI: Ugh, Pop music, Top 40 forever, Alan Parsons Project, right here,
"Games People Play," The hot one with hot fun...Flash™ me!
Ugh, not you, Toni!
TONI: The girls are out!
+--------------------------------------------+
| Alan Parsons Project - "Games People Play" | [APGP]
+--------------------------------------------+
["La-ser." There, that joke's out of the way. This song was included on the
Project's 1980 progressive rock album The Turn of a Friendly Card, and was a
relatively moderate hit. The album itself, like other Alan Parsons Project
albums, had a theme to it, and this one's theme was related to gambling.]
Where do we go from here, ((TONI: Flashy flashy!))
now that all other children have grown up,
And how do we spend our lives,
If there's no one to lend us a hand...
I don't wanna live here no more,
I don't wanna stay,
Ain't gonna spend the rest of my life,
Quietly fading away, oh
Games people play, you take it or you leave it,
Think what they say, honor bright
If I promise you the moon and the stars would you believe it?
Games people play, in the middle of the night...
Where do we go from here, ((TONI: Flashy flashy!))
now that all other children have grown up,
And how do we spend our time,
Knowin' nobody gives us a damn...
I don't wanna live here no more,
I don't wanna stay,
Ain't gonna spend the rest of my life,
Quietly fading away, oh
Games people play, you take it or you leave it,
Things what they say just don't make it right
If I'm telling you the truth right now, would you believe it?
Games people play, in the middle of the night...
(Instrumental) ((RD))
Games people play, you take it or you leave it,
Think what they say, honor bright,
If I promise you the moon and the stars would you believe it?
Games people play, in the middle of the night...
Games people play, you take it or you leave it,
Things what they say just don't make it right,
If I'm telling you the truth right now, do you believe it?
Games people play, in the middle of the night!
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TONI: Vice City I love you, I love you! My left and right nipples LOVE YOU!
TERI: She'd screw each and every one of you, if she could!
TONI: Twice! (music picks up) Flash FM!
TERI: Man, I like dig this place. Like, the T-shirt says "I HEART Vice City,"
man, I like SO "Heart" this place! It's pretty bitchin'. I get laid a
lot.
TONI: No you don't, it means "I Love Vice City." It's symbolic as in,
"I'd Heart Your Ugly Face Getting Run Over By An 18-Wheeler, You Tramp?"
Let's take a break.
(Stop Music)
MI: (echoed) Flash FM.
FI: Vice City!
+ +
The Barfs™ [THBA]
+ +
[These fetish-lovable cartoon characters were the very antithesis of the
European-created Smurfs, chanting for gun ownership and hatred of foreigners
and sharing. And who the hell dresses up a network television cartoon character
in a GIMP SUIT!? If you listen to the Radio Espantoso version of the commercial
you can even hear the Barfs laying the beatdown on a more direct Smurfs parody.
Thankfully, you probably never had to do all that to get the merchandise thanks
to the invention of the Happy Meal.]
(Marching Music)
(Barfs)
We're the Barfs™!
We're never Red!
We hate anything foreign!
We live in a tree,
Separately!
We swing like a rabbit warren!
We're the Barfs™!
We each have a gun!
Firearms is for protection and fun!
Most of all, Barfs hate sharing!
We keep the national anthem blaring!
Big Major Barf!
Lady Barf!
Chunky Barf, too!
Smokey Barf! (barfs, literally)
Tiny Barf!
Fruity Barf, how do you do!
Now you know our Barfy song,
Grab a gun and sing along!
'Cause before we're through,
you'll be barfing too! Bleagh!
ANNOUNCER: Every Barf™ is unique, just like you and me! That's right,
even though some Barfs™ look alike, every Barf™ has a unique serial
number hidden on his foot, so no two Barfs™ are the same!
BOY: I love my Barf™! He's unique, and he's never Red! Even though he lives in a
tree! Mom, I want more Barfs!
ANNOUNCER: Now it's easy to get more Barfs™! Just stop by any Pizza Stack™
location, buy 2 large pizzas, a pitcher of Sprunk™, and the Barfs'™
Drinking Glass of the Day is yours for only $15!
KIDS: The Barfs! Yay!
ANNOUNCER: Available while supplies last.
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TERI: You're listening to Flash FM, coming up next, Hall & Oates - "Family
Man!"
TONI: It's about sluts picking up married men at hotel bars...
God, it's the story of my LIFE!
+-----------------------------+
| Hall & Oates - "Family Man" | [HOFM]
+-----------------------------+
[This song comes hot off the duo's most successful album H2O, released in 1982.
H2O would make #3 on the Billboard 200 album chart. In 1984 they would release
"Out Of Touch" from their album Big Bam Boom, which would become another of
their #1 hits and end up on Flash FM's playlist in 1986.]
She had sulky smile, she took her standard pose and she presented herself
She had sultry eyes,
She made it perfectly plain that she was his for a price,
but he said...
Leave me alone, I'm a family man
And my bark is much worse than my bite
He said "Leave me alone, I'm a family man
But if you push me too far I just might..."
She wore a hurt surprise as she rechecked her make-up to protect herself
Dropped her price and pride,
She made it totally clear that she was his for a night,
but he said...
(Repeat Chorus)
She gave him her look, it would have worked on any other man around
He looked her up and down,
She knew he couldn't decide if he should hold his ground,
but he said...
(Repeat Chorus)
(Instrumental)
She turned, tossed her head unlike her opening move, her final exit line,
He waited much too long,
But by the time he got his courage up she was gone,
Then he screamed...
(Repeat Chorus to fade)
But he said leave me alone, I'm a family man
And I don't think I don't want tonight... ((RD))
He said "Leave me alone, I'm a family man
But if you push me too far I just might..."
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TONI: All the stations, up and down the dial, Flash is what you're listening to!
Have a good time, ready to party, that one goes out to Bart, calling from
his yacht! I am SO partied out from last night.
TERI: You were a space-case even BEFORE you went to rehab. Even when you're on
the radio you're lip-synching, cokehead.
TONI: (heavy sniff)
+---------------------------------------+
| Pat Benatar - "Love is a Battlefield" | [PBLB]
+---------------------------------------+
[The Single version off of this singer's 1983 album Live from Earth made it to
#5 on the Hot 100 and topped the US Mainstream Rock charts. The only other
Benatar song to match the success of this song was the rock ballad
"We Belong," which can be found on the playlist for Emotion 98.3.]
(Chorus)
We are young,
Heartache to heartache, we stare,
No promises, no demands,
Love is a battlefield,
We are stars!
No one can tell us we're wrong
Searching our hearts for so long,
Both of us knowing...
Love is a battlefield.
((FI: Flash!))
((MI: Vice City.))
(Verse)
You're making me go, then makin' me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad...
It would help me to know, do I stand in your way
Or am I the best thing you've had,
Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why
But I'm trapped by your love,
And I'm chained to your side
(Chorus)
((RD))
(Verse)
We're losin' control, will you turn me away
Or touch me deep inside?
And when all this gets old, will it still feel the same?
There's no way this will die...
But if we get much closer I could lose control,
And if your heart surrenders, you need me to hold...
(Chorus x2)
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TERI: I just love Pat Benatar. She really speaks to me as a woman -
as an attractive young woman whom other girls hate, 'cause I'm
better-looking!
TONI: Better looking than who?
TERI: YOU, you dog!
+ +
Evacuator [EVAC]
+ +
[You know what kind of movies the Evacuator trilogy parodies, they're still
making them today. Personally, I found Commando better than Rambo, because at
least Arnold already had experience as a trigger-happy eliminator of sorts.
And it's really cool when the hero dispatches the villains
with more "creativity" and one-liners than a Duke Nukem game.]
ANNOUNCER: Tim gave everything he had to our country. Now, he's having
flashbacks, and someone's going to pay. (Explosion)
Howitzer is back. Evacuator.
[Commando's tagline: "Somewhere, somehow, someone's going to pay."]
TIM: DIE YOU SCUM!
A: One man's search for peace.
T: GOOD NIGHT, BITCHES! I'LL KILL HIM BEFORE HE SCREAMS!
A: One man's search for hope.
T: Let's do some killing. Let's kill for the kids!
A: One man's search...for the truth.
T: After I torched those villages, and raped all those schoolgirls,
I just can't seem to get those images out of my head!
A: He gave everything...then the liberals turned their backs on
our hero. And now, he's out for the truth.
(Native American chant)
T: What do you smell, Wandering Hands?
WANDERING HANDS (WH): Mmm, me smell...fear.
T: Good, let's arm wrestle!
WH: That be different film.
[Different film be 1987's Over The Top, starring Sylvester Stallone.]
T: Okay, let's KILL SOME COMMIES!
WH: Mmm, me find Vietnamese squaw!
(missile firing to explosion, sound of helicopter)
RUSSIAN: He's wres-l-eeng de chopper down! Shoot him! (gunfire)
T: I'm an American, and you're not! SO FUCKIN' DIE!
R: Aaay, he's too strong! (explosion)
A: Evacuator.
T: Let's evacuate these bitches!
A: Rated RP for Really Patriotic.
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
+-------------------------------------+
| Nik Kershaw - "Wouldn't it be Good" | [NKWG]
+-------------------------------------+
[This song was Kershaw's breakthrough hit from his 1984 debut album Human
Racing. The song reached #4 in the UK. Like Alison Moyet and Paul Young,
Kershaw also performed at Live Aid, after which he began to fade into
obscurity until the recent 80s nostalgia trend. The song was included on
Kershaw's greatest hits album Then and Now in 2005.]
I got it bad, You don't know how bad I got it
You got it easy, you don't know when you got it good
It's getting harder, just keeping life and soul together
I'm sick of fighting, even though I know I should
The cold is biting, through each and every nerve and fibre
My broken spirit is frozen to the core,
Don't wanna be here no more,
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes,
Even if it was for just one day,
And wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away...
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side,
The grass is always greener over there,
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care...
You must be joking, you don't know a thing about it
You've got no problem, I'd stay right there if I were you
I got it harder, you couldn't dream how hard I got it
Stay out of my shoes, if you know what's good for you
The heat is stifling, burning me up from the inside
The sweat is coming through each and every pore
I Don't wanna be here no more (x3, fade)
(Instrumental) ((RD))
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was just for one day
And wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side
The grass is always greener over there
And wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
MI: Flash FM, Vice City!
(Fade Music)
FI: Playing nothing but the hits, irrelevant of the quality!
(Begin Music)
TONI: Music is what makes Vice City great. This IS the city of the future.
And the home of the fathers of all of Teri's illegitimate babies. SKANK.
+----------------------------------------------------------------+
| Philip Oakey & Giorgio Moroder - "Together in Electric Dreams" | [GMED]
+----------------------------------------------------------------+
[This song was the most notable hit off the 1985 album named after the two
collaborating artists, though with respect to VCS it was included as the title
track for the 1984 movie Electric Dreams, which described a love triangle
between a boy, a girl, and a computer come to life. Extended and
Instrumental versions were included on the album's reissue in 2003.
Philip Oakey was the lead singer of The Human League, a synthpop band that was
popular in the 80s and even made a comeback in 1994 with their single
"Tell Me When". In 2001, the band released Secrets, which garnered critical
acclaim but whose sales were marred by the unfortunate bankruptcy
of their record label. "Together In Electric Dreams" was also included on
their
Very Best of the Human League album in 2003.
Giorgio Moroder should already be familiar to many GTA fans as the man who
provided the entire content of the Flashback 95.6 stations in GTAIII and
Liberty City Stories, the former game containing much of the soundtrack to the
movie Scarface. Moroder also produced the score for other famous 80s movies
such as Flashdance, Top Gun, and Electric Dreams, and won an Oscar for
producing the score to Midnight Express. Befitting of the year VCS is set in,
Moroder even wrote the theme song "Hand In Hand" for the 1984
Los Angeles Olympics.]
I only knew you for a while, I never saw your smile,
'Till it was time to go, time to go away, (time to go away)
Sometimes it's hard to recognize, It comes as a surprise
And it's too late, it's just too late to stay, too late to stay...
We'll always be together, however far it seems!
We'll always be together, together in electric dreams!
Because the friendship that you gave has taught me to be brave,
No matter where I go, I'll never find a better prize, (find a better prize)
Though you're miles and miles away, I see you everyday
I don't have to try, I just close my eyes, I close my eyes...
We'll always be together, however far it seems!
We'll always be together, together in electric dreams!
We'll always be together, ((RD)) however far it seems!
We'll always be together, together in electric dreams!
(Instrumental)
We'll always be together, however far it seems!
We'll always be together, together in electric dreams!
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TONI: This is Flash FM, the home of Pop Music in Vice City! Let's give a
commercial- no, let's take a quick break!
TERI: You dumb whore, you can't even read.
+ +
Little Lacy Surprise™ [LLSU]
+ +
[Remember when people used to wear clothes and accessories with superhero logos
on them? Remember those My Little Pony lunchboxes and Disney bedroom gear you
got for your kids? Hell, one of my favorite shirts has Captain America's shield
logo on it. But after hearing this commercial you'll be glad that your tightie-
whities are just plain white.]
ANNOUNCER: Little Lacy Surprise™! It's themed fashion underwear for kids,
featuring the Barfs™!
(Girl - all of her lines are sung)
Do you like my Barfs™ panties too?
(Boy)
I sure do!
(Girl)
Fashion underwear is not taboo...
(Boy)
Take 'em off!
(Girl)
Some girls take it up a notch,
(Boy)
Yeah!
(Girl)
Put a superhero on your crotch!
ANNOUNCER: Little Lacy Surprise™, featuring Saturday morning cartoon heroes,
like the Barfs™! With Big Fruity Barf!
FRUITY BARF: I'm in your pants, kids!
KID: I love you, Big Fruity Barf™!
ANNOUNCER: Little Lacy Surprise™, available in boys, girls and unisex sizes!
Not available in all states.
(Girl)
I've got a Little Lacy Surprise™! Oh daddy, please close your eyes...
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
+----------------------------+
| Talk Talk - "It's My Life" | [TTML]
+----------------------------+
["It's My Life" is a synthpop song off of Talk Talk's 1984 album of the same
name. It penetrated the top 40 in America and several European countries,
peaking at #7 in Italy. Two versions of the music video were made, both poking
fun at lip-synching. The song was covered by No Doubt in 2003. That version
reached #10 on the Billboard Hot 100 and stayed on the chart for well over 6
months. Its video was nominated for several MTV Video Music Awards,
winning Best Pop Video and Best Group Video.]
Funny how I find myself, in love with you
If I could buy my reasoning I'd pay to lose,
One half won't do...
I've asked myself,
How much do you commit yourself?
It's my life,
Don't you forget,
It's my life,
It never ends...
Funny how I blind myself,
I never knew...if I was sometimes played upon,
Afraid to lose,
I'd tell myself, what good you do...
Convince myself...
It's my life,
Don't you forget,
It's my life,
It never ends,
I've asked myself...
How much do you commit yourself?
It's my life,
Don't you forget,
Caught in the crowd,
It never ends,
((RD))
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TONI: How 'bout another double-hot-fresh twin-spin sound sandwich from your
good ol' friend, Toni? Synthesizers is like teen boys, you just wanna play
with 'em late at night, and then go back to sleep on the bus next morning.
TERI: What are you talking about, Toni?
(Begin Music)
TONI: I'm talking about music and infidelity and smoking cigarettes while riding
on the back of a motorcycle, something you wouldn't know anything about.
I'm talking about life, pop music, narcotics, oh GOD! I'm like, sweating
now...I feel like this is really my time in the universe, and I'll never
stop chasing those dreams.
+-----------------------------------------+
| Missing Persons - "Destination Unknown" | [MPDU]
+-----------------------------------------+
[Released on Missing Persons' 1982 album Spring Session M, this smash hit single
became one of the band's defining songs as well as one of the songs that
introduced L.A. Glam to New Wave music (eat THAT, Wave!). The music video of
another song from that album, "Words," became a regular on the early years of
MTV. But like the station's title, Missing Persons was a Flash in the pan in
the 1980s, as the band would split up in 1986. They have sometimes reunited to
play a few shows, but the most notable "comeback" was when vocalist Dale
Bozzio
created her own version of the band in 2005, called "Missing Persons featuring
Dale Bozzio."]
Life is so strange, when you don't know
How can you tell...where you're going to?
You can't be sure of any situation
Something could change, and then you won't know
(Ask yourself) Where do we go from here?
It seems so all too near
Just as far beyond as I can see
I still don't know what this all means to me
(Tell yourself) I don't know where to go,
I don't know what to do,
And I don't even know the time of day,
I guess it doesn't matter anyway,
(Chorus)
(Life is so strange,) Destination unknown
(When you don't know...) your destination
(Something could change) It's unknown
(and then you won't know,) Destination Unknown
(Repeat Chorus)
(Ask yourself) When will my time come?
Has it all been said and done?
(Tell yourself) I know i'll leave when it's my time to go
Til then i'll carry on with what i know
(Repeat Chorus x2)
(Life is so strange) ((RD)) Life is so strange
(Life is so strange) Life is so strange
(Life is so strange) Life is so strange
(Repeat to Fade)
--------------------------------------------------o0o-
TERI: Missing Persons - "Destination Unknown!"
MI: Flash FM.
TERI: The twin temptresses of pop on Flash FM, talking really fast about the
Top 40 way, so you don't have time to ponder your shallow existence or the
fact that Toni has herpes. (Toni gasps) Let's have another hit.