Jersey Housewives “Don’t Drink The Holy Water”

We got two things this episode, basically. Teresa’s newest daughter got Christened which brought Dina back to the show as she’s the Godmother. This reminded me of the good old days when the show was fun and Danielle wasn’t SUCH a big deal. I miss Dina. The other section of the show featured the dissolution of Danielle and Kim G’s friendship. Hit the jump if you want the full live blog.

Teresa and Joe are planning their new daughter’s Christening party at the Brownstone. Chris is taking care of the arrangements. Joe’s worried about the cost.

Ugh, super awkward, the camera followed Christine and Danielle as they go to the OBGYN. “I know you’re super super pretty.” -Danielle. She keeps pushing and pushing to see if there’s a boy in her life. HAVE THIS CONVERSATION OFF CAMERA YOU PSYCHO!
“I believe the only safe way to have sex is abstinence.” – Danielle. Ugh, what a maroon.

Ugh, I wish this conversation with her OBGYN wasn’t on camera. Danielle out of nowhere turns to her and says “Don’t have sex ever.”

Now she’s asking about oral sex.

Chris is over at Kim G’s house hanging out with her son, they’re good friends. Hey look, what a surprise, Kim G’s coming down to be on camera. Ugh, now she’s asking Chris about his mom and Jacqueline. It’s super awkward. “I feel bad for me.” Yeah, you put yourself in the middle, Chris doesn’t give a shit. Caroline doesn’t want to go to lunch with you, deal with it.

It’s the day of the Christening and Teresa’s running around getting the girls ready while Joe sits shirtless in the kitchen eating chips.
Hey, Dina’s back! She’s the Godmother to the kid.

Huh, for Italians, the Godmother undresses and then redresses the baby before the actual Christening. Interesting.

Joe’s super nervous about the money. Things must be really bad for his business. Teresa said he was working at the pizzeria a lot.

Uh oh, here comes Danielle’s meeting with Kim G. Right now she’s calling Kim G. her dearest friend. This will not end well.

Ah, Danielle’s mom was 14 when she got pregnant, which explains why she’s super nervous about her daughter.

Haha, the missus: “Can you imagine being a woman of the right age worrying that Danielle might be your daughter?” Whoa, mega burn from the missus.

Danielle wants to find her mom and Kim G. says she knows someone who can help. Danielle’s very thankful. So the drama hasn’t happened yet. Give it a minute, it’s coming.

The Bravo cameras weren’t allowed in the church, but Teresa’s home movies are being shown. The church looks gigantic.

Teresa seems to dig how everything turned out including bread with words in it and a cross carved in ice.
Oooh, Dina did all the decorations.

See, this is what the show should be: these four and maybe another of their friends thrown in. Bump Danielle out of this nonsense.
Is it normal to have a first dance at a Christening party? Caroline says no, I’m gonna go with her.
Oh man, Joe wants a boy so bad. Teresa keeps saying they’re done having kids and he just stares at her.

Danielle’s out with her daughters getting dinner. Christine’s friend got her eyebrows done by a woman who also does Teresa’s. The woman was telling people about the fight with Teresa as well as Danielle wanting to look for her biological mom.

This is what sets Danielle off against Kim G. She’s angry that Teresa would know this kind of stuff. Her daughters are trying to calm her down, but she’s fuming.

Whoa, she just said “You F%&king Bitch!” to the camera about Kim G. Ouch.

Now she’s on the phone with Danny the thug. Danny never trusted her. He’s got better people instincts than her. “You make up your mind and we’ll figure out how we’ll deal with it.” – Danny. Why is he involved at all?!

Caroline drops by the Brownstone where Chris tells her that Kim G. wants to get a meal with her. Caroline, true to form, wants nothing to do with her. “I think Kim G. will have her uh oh moment when it comes to Danielle.” – Caroline. Correct, and it’s coming right up.

Now Kim G’s knocking on Jacqueline’s door. She bursts in dropping the F bomb right in front of Jacqueline’s baby. Kim G. says she’s done with Danielle and that Jacqueline was right.
Apparently Danielle sent someone an email saying not to be friends with Kim G.

“She acts like an ass, an ass acts that way.” – Kim G.

Jacqueline tells Kim G. she should at least be up front with Danielle. Jacqueline also says (to the camera) that she thinks Kim G. should have been up front with Danielle about being friendly with Jacqueline.

Danny’s over at Danielle’s house now. This should be interesting.

Of course, this only fuels Danielle’s intense paranoia. She’s running all these crazy scenarios in her head and to Danny and the camera.

I’ve got to agree with Danielle that it’s jacked up that it got out about her looking for her birth mom.

Kim G. kind of explodes and throws a napkin at her. Kim G. does sound like she was a good friend and had to deal with a lot of Danielle’s bullshit. Well, no cliffhanger. It just moves out to the parking lot where Kim’s YELLING at her like a crazy lady. She even makes fun of Danielle’s boobs. Oh man.