A Sad Solution Depression Drove Rock Star Cobain To Drug Use, Suicide

Kurt Cobain's apparent suicide at his house here last week was simply the final step in a sad and lonely death march that began weeks before in a hotel room in Rome.

Despite attempts by aides to publicly portray as accidental the rock singer's drug-induced coma March 4 in Rome, the overdose was in fact another suicide attempt -- complete with a note, according to sources close to the situation who asked not to be identified. One source said the leader of the rock group Nirvana swallowed 60 pills. Details of the note were not available.

That incident -- which left the singer in a coma for nearly 24 hours -- led Cobain's wife, singer Courtney Love, his band mates and others who work with the band into an intensive campaign to persuade the most acclaimed rock star of his generation into again getting treatment for drugs and depression.

But Cobain resisted their efforts, sources close to Cobain's family said here Sunday.

"It was a classic case of denial," said one of the sources. "Classic and terribly, terribly sad."

In the portrait painted by the sources, Cobain -- a quiet, sensitive young man who was left scarred by an unhappy childhood and was uncomfortable with his rock stardom -- didn't take drugs in the stereotypical, party-minded "sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll" style.

Rather, he took the drugs -- low-level opiates or tranquilizers, and at times heroin -- to block out the depression and to calm stomach pains that plagued him for years and were aggravated by the strain of touring.

"You've got to understand, I need relief every once in a while," a source quoted Cobain as saying frequently in reference to the drugs.

Within days of returning from Rome to the couple's home overlooking Lake Washington near Seattle, Cobain was reportedly turning again to heroin.

On March 18, at the couple's two-story, $1.1 million house, Cobain locked himself in a room, and Love told police she feared a suicide. Police found three pistols, a rifle and 25 boxes of ammunition.

Police officers said Cobain told them he had locked himself in the room after an argument with Love, and denied that he was suicidal. Police confiscated the weapons, but no arrest was made.

During that weekend, several people close to Cobain -- including his wife and bassist Krist Novoselic from Nirvana -- confronted the singer about his drug use in hope of persuading him of the urgency of getting professional help.

The intervention didn't work -- and it was this flare-up that apparently led to reports that the group had broken up.

"He is in so much denial about a drug problem that it's unbelievable," a friend said following the intervention attempt.

When Love went to Los Angeles on March 25 to finalize details connected with the release of the new album by her band, Hole, she urged Cobain to come with her and to check into a recovery program.

Cobain remained here, but Love pleaded with him daily to join her in Los Angeles and to seek help.

She warned that child-welfare agencies might take away their 19-month-old daughter, Frances Bean, if they learned about the severity of his condition. The couple was threatened with such action in 1992 after Love was quoted in a magazine article about taking heroin while pregnant.

Cobain finally gave in to Love's urgings and on March 28 traveled to Los Angeles, where he enrolled in Exodus, a recovery program affiliated with Daniel Freeman Memorial Hospital. It was the first sign of hope in weeks, those close to the couple say.

Love was elated.

"I was so proud of him," she told a friend last week.

But the optimism was short-lived.

Three days later, he suddenly left the facility without warning.

In a panic, Love hired private investigators to find him. The trail stretched to Seattle, but the investigators apparently weren't able to locate him.

"I'm just really afraid for him right now," Love told a friend early last week, adding that Cobain suffered from "suicidal depression."

She told friends about a history of suicide and manic depression in his family. Two of his uncles committed suicide, she said.

As Cobain's disappearance stretched from four to six days, she became increasingly frightened.

Reports of his behavior were sketchy, but alarming.

One report had him buying a shotgun and calling a friend to ask the best way to shoot yourself in the head. Other reports had him searching for drug dealers in the Seattle area.

Mostly, however, he was a shadow. He wasn't visible around town or at the house. A sleeping bag found at a second house the couple owns in the area led to speculation he might have spent a night there.

As it turned out, the case was solved not by the investigators but by an electrician who found Cobain's body when he went to do some repair work on the couple's house Friday morning.

Contrary to widely published reports that she had left Los Angeles for London where Hole had a concert scheduled (but earlier canceled), Love was in Los Angeles when she learned about the death.

She left immediately for Seattle and went directly to the house, where she was joined by relatives, friends and fellow musicians, including Kim Deal of the Breeders and members of her own band.

It was at the house Sunday morning that Love taped a message that was played to fans at the public memorial that evening -- the message that contained excerpts from the suicide note left by her husband.

The message spoke of Cobain's loss of enthusiasm for life and for music. But it will still be hard for Nirvana fans to understand the severity of the depression that pushed Cobain to take his life -- just as it is hard now for his family and friends to understand why all their efforts weren't enough to save him.