fuck

no. i can’t do this again. why does this hurt so much? jesus never hurt me this much before. i know it’s him, but he’s never hurt me this much before. jesus christ.

i’m doing this for connor but what the fuck?

i’m so fucking hurt. my god. my god, i’m so fucking hurt. my chest feels like it’s on fire and things are burning and the smoke is getting into my eyes and i wish it would just fucking stop. i wish it would just fucking stop.

i told him i would prophesy over him and i’m not leaning away from it but oh my god. oh my god, this hurts so fucking much.

i literally want to rip my heart out of my chest. i haven’t even gotten to the part where i fell in love with the wrong woman twice and the rest of my life became some version of the sunless night i told my sister i kissed a woman for the first time. there were stars, sure, but i couldn’t see them, and later when i found out the woman i kissed was married i became completely blind.