Saturday, April 28

sunshine and daydreams

The sun came out and we spent the bulk of our day finishing our move. If all goes as planned we will be completely moved (including cleaning and painting the old place - which we are painting because Sebastian used the walls as his personal canvasses on more than one occasion) by the end of tonight.

Andrew and I split duties well today - in the morning Sebastian and I cleaned and played at the old place while Andrew brought a car-load of stuff to the new house; in the afternoon Andrew and Sebastian washed the car and Sebastian napped briefly while I did the down and dirty cleaning (like behind the oven... EW). At about 3:30 we were done all but the painting. We came home and decided that rather than unload the car we would play on the lawn - *our* lawn.

I am so in love with our new place - even while I am surrounded by mountains of unpacking and facing drawbacks like no storage (wasn't a problem until we got the christmas tree and camping gear in the house... now we have some serious thinking to do). We can tell Sebastian loves it too - he has all but forgotten about watching TV and will now happily play on his own while I get mama things done.

I have actually lost some weight since my last weighing ("officially" 239 last month w/ my midwife, but was generally hovering around 237). This week I got my trusty scale from the old place and excitedly stepped on only to be shocked when the digital readout told me I had plummeted to 230. I checked it four times - twice in a different room - and kept getting the same number. Now I needed to remind myself it was early morning and I had yet to eat or drink anything - nor was I clothed, I went back this evening and got a much less worrisome 235. I don't really worry about not gaining any weight this pregnancy because I am a) already "above average" and b) know I am eating good food, but a loss of nearly 10 pounds at this point (15 weeks) frightened me a little.

After stepping back and assessing things I have decided, however, not to worry one bit. I will continue to eat well and perhaps add a healthy snack, like the banana, bran and soygurt I just consumed, and take care of myself and trust that if anything is out of balance my body will let me know. I have been walking WAY more - an average of 30 minutes/day compared to... almost nothing, so I have a feeling that is a factor in all this. I feel fantastic! We've been going to the park (two blocks from a great coffee shop), we've been walking to the store, we've been playing and running and having such a great time. Sebastian's behaviour is still challenging, he is a spirited and stubborn child. He is fucking brilliant which is a blessing and a curse, he is so good at communicating what he needs/wants that when he does have difficulty it is traumatic. I am learning (finally) how to read when he is tired or hungry and how to behave when those factors are getting in our way.

It is odd to me - he and I are so close and had this fluid, effortless relationship for so long and when we lost that I had trouble adapting. Actually this whole last year has been a series of painful adaptations. I got to a point where I just gave up, why bother trying when everything was always changing. I hadn't begun to find my community yet, I was lost and lonely and depressed. We were always out trying new things, trying to find "our thing" and the pace of that really got to both of us.

This time around (as we have just moved away from our old thing and I am not willing to make the commute one or twice a week to get back there) I am going to take the search more slowly. It is spring now and the sunny days are coming more often - we're going to spend time at the beach (35 mins by bus), going on adventures (the farm, the aquarium, the pool) and otherwise we're going to hit the nearby parks and meet as many other families as we can nearby, so that when the rains return we will have all the playdates we could need. And if nothing else Sebastian and I plan to have a blast this summer as it will be our last as a duo.

My point is this time, with this change being as permanent as we can foresee, I am being more patient with Sebastian and am being rewarded with the gift of being able to better understand him. Andrew and I haven't been getting along nearly as well, but we're trying - and that's a step. I am being a pain-in-the-ass pregnant mother and he's being a pain-in-the-ass husband of a pregnant mother. I am hoping that once we're settled in things will even out. I have to work harder at not being a raging bitch - he very wisely walked away from a completely irrational argument over a lack of hot water and who had the right to shower. We then spoiled ourselves with a dinner from Capers (I would kill to eat their soup and salad every night); uncovered Sebastian's hidden love of quiche (YAY) and his distaste for pakoras.

On the potty front - we've not had a second success, but brought over his toilet seat ring from the old house tonight and he got a real kick out of sitting on it! He's so excited about the prospect of being out of diapers and now just needs to get past the learning curve. I am not pushing it on him - he'll be trained eventually, it looks like sooner rather than later, and I want to do what I can to keep this a positive and exciting experience for him.

Enough blathering - I need some tea and my bed. (Sometimes when writing I think of the Monty Python philosophy - if you don't know how to end a skit just blow something up. I wish I could figure out a clever way to do that with prose. Until then I will have to settle for the occasional, abrupt, enough-is-enough ending and tonight I give you one of those.)