UMBC Gender and Women's Studies Students Write Back

Adoption or Pregnancy?

I’ve been struggling to think of a topic for my final blog post, but I think the topic totally relates to bodies.

So, I’ve had this discussion before with my best friend. He’s been my best friend since high school, is gay, and we’ve talked about having kids together. I’ve personally been a fan of adoption because there are so many kids in the world that need families, who need a home and need to be taken care of. (I’ve also thought about fostering children.) I really love kids, which has been a new development since the birth of my first nephew six years ago. I really hated kids before he came along. But, going back to the story, my friend wants to have kids of his own genetic make-up. Which, honestly, I can admit is a personal preference, but it’s what has me thinking about bodies and how people perceive other bodies.

I’ve only just started thinking about having kids (as in, actually getting pregnant and carrying them to term, if I can) but it’s really daunting to think about all the changes my body will go through as a result of that decision. And the idea of a miscarriage or a stillbirth is also scary. Childbirth in general scares me. I guess the mid-ground here would be surrogacy, but surrogacy is so expensive. So are any of the options, really. Having a child is really damn expensive. I’m years away from having to make decisions like that, thankfully, but I guess it’s something that’s on my mind.

How does this decision get made? How does a person decide, “I want my own kids, I want them to have my genes, I don’t want to adopt”? Or is it just something that’s ingrained in you from an early age? Is it a biological urge? Can you explain that feeling? I have no answer to the questions I’m asking because I don’t know. I always thought I’d adopt when I was ready and financially stable but with that conversation a couple years ago, it got me thinking about whether I would want to have kids of my own. Would you adopt, or would you not? Can you explain why/why not?

3 Responses

To be honest, I started thinking about carrying a little person that shared my genes a few years ago. When I was growing up I didn’t get excited or dream about having a baby or being married, those were things I just didn’t care about. Nor was the thought of someone sharing my genes because I made plans to be impregnated with a partner’s fertilized egg……its interesting how things change. Anyway, I began feeling the desire to have a family out of nowhere. And with perfect timing a close guy friend who was a sweetheart was telling me how he thought about having a family. So I developed a crush, went on a date and baammm I wanted to have his babies lol. Now we’ve been planning babies every other year. People are different but for me this was the first time I thought about getting married and having a family. In past relationship I was going with the flow because that’s what was expected when you were in a long term relationship.

You don’t have to carry a baby to be considered a woman or a real mom!!!
Before having children I was willing to adopt which could still happen in the future. However, after having babies, I truly enjoy the debate when a baby is born over whose features they have. My son looks like me, and my daughter looks like my husband.

Babies cause unimaginable changes to your body but feeling a fetus growing inside your body is an uncomfortable joy that can’t be explained. The unknown is terrifying but it is worst when pregnant but I think the fear is natural. There is sooooo much to consider when having a baby.

This is a really interesting post and I admit that I’ve had similar thoughts in the past two years or so. Although in my opinion I am in no way, shape or form, ready to get pregnant or expect kids in my life right now, it is something to think about in the future.

I agree with you on Adoption. I think adoption is a definite in my future, whether i decide to have my own (flesh and blood) kids or not, I would love to adopt to add my my family. I think with all the kids that are I also look at the concerns that comes with having a child (from my own body) and have seen how a miscarriage can destroy a mother and how even after the baby is born there are still things that could take that baby away. Last month a dear friend of mine had a child who died unexpectedly two hours after being born. She has not been the same. I am terrified of these situations.

But I think I might get to a point in my life where I might take the chance. Of course I think I will need/have a support system before entering into pregnancy. But of course some situation do not allow for that, sadly.

But yea it is something to think about and I think all of us, men and women, at some time in their lives think about it.