A Guy Says: Celebrities Just Aren’t Saving Enough Lives

Meeting your favorite celebrity is an exciting experience. I should know. After all, once I saw Jack Nicolson in Los Angeles traffic and got so excited that I crashed my car into a tree. I wasn’t hurt (thanks for asking), but if I had been, I would’ve had nothing to worry about because now a days celebrities are saving everybody.

We should be applauding these brave entertainment industry legends for taking time out of their busy schedules to help people not die. I mean, that’s a lot of people to be saving. Or wait. Maybe it isn’t. Five people may seem like a lot of people to be saving, but let’s look at the statistics for celebrities in comparison to the US population of laypeople.

Every year, let’s say, on average five celebrities save other peoples’ lives. This, of course, is a high estimate considering this has been a particularly trendy year for helping dying people. Okay, we’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. So, celebrities save five people every year. On the other hand, really terrible movies kill 10,000 people every year according to the National Statistical Service Department. That’s a net of -9,995 lives. That’s a huge lose. Laypeople, who include doctors, firemen, policemen, and EMT’s save roughly a million people every year, and they generally don’t make bad movies. That’s a net of a million lives. Looks like celebrities really aren’t doing their part.

Plus, when you look at it from a percentage stand point, the five people saved by Dustin Hoffman, Patrick Dempsey, Kate Winslet, and Ryan Gosling makes up something like 0.002% of people saved in the United States each year. That means laypeople are saving 99.998% of the people who are saved annually. Clearly, celebrities aren’t pulling their societal weight.

So, instead of holding these people on high as heroes, we should be asking them to do more. Because us regular folk are pulling more than our fair share of the load. And, if we pull anymore weight, we might break our back and a celebrity will have to come and save us.