Dumbass Pages

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Dumbass Laws, Part 9

Well...it's been a week or so since we got to make fun of all those other states that have some real dumbass laws and your state doesn't. I hate to bust your bubble, but even my home state of Texas has some dumbass laws, so if I haven't mentioned some dumbass laws for your state yet, just hold yer taters, because your state is coming up tonight or the next time we do a dumbass laws segment. Once we get past Round One of dumbass laws from around the country, we will probably do a "Best of Dumbass Laws" post, just to review some of the more stupid shit laws on the books. I may even run a poll featuring some of the "best" dumbass laws and let you vote on the Most Dumbass State at the end of this series. Let's now see what kind of dumbass awaits us tonight.South Dakota - It is expressly forbidden to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.DN - What the hell do they want you to do in a cheese factory, sing polka songs to stay awake? I visited a small cheese factory in Wisconsin many years ago, and if South Dakota cheese factories are anything like the one I was in, you'd rather be in the showers at a skid row truck stop than to be in one of those foul-smellin' fungus traps. Trust me on this one. It ain't a purty sight.

Tennessee - I love the Volunteer State, but they have some fucked up laws on the books. Like this one: it is illegal to catch a fish with a lasso.DN - No lassos, huh? This reminds me of an old fishin' story. this guy was out fishing every day at this one lake and so were many other fisherman. None of the fisherman caught a thing over a few days of fishin', but this one dude was geting his limit every day. So, the guys not catching anything became suspicious of the one guy catching all the fish and they called the Game Warden. Sure enough the game Warden goes out to the fishin' hole and sees the one dude throwing dynamite into the water. BOOM!!! Up to the surface of the water come dozens of fish and the guy scoops them up with his net. The Game Warden padles his boat out to where the guy was fishing and said, "You can't use dynamite to fish! That's illegal! The guy itches another piece of dynamite into the water and BOOM!! The fish float to the surface by the dozens. The Game Warden says,"Hey! You can't do that! So, the guy lights a stick of dynamite and hands it to the Game Warden and says, "You wanna argue or you wanna fish?" I'll be here all week.

Texas - It's against the law to own the Encyclopedia Brittanica in Texas. Why? It has a recipe for making beer in it.DN - I have it on good authority that the Moonshiners in Texas responded by saying, "What's an Encyclopedia? And does it taste like chicken?"Utah - Birds have the right of way on all freeways in Utah.DN - Yeah, Thunderbirds.

Vermont - It's illegal to whistle under water.DN - In Vermont, it's also against the law to drown on air. Dumbasses.

There you have it. Five more states with some real dumbass laws. College footbal, Texas vs. Oklahoma State, is coming on in a few minutes, so I'd better lasso myself an order of Buffalo Wings. Unless that's against the law, too.