An Enormous "Fatberg" is Clogging the Sewers of Whitehall

The anticipated fatberg menace appears to be spreading through London like some sort of rubbish Doctor Who monster, with the latest congealed lump of western capitalist discharge said to be blocking the pipes beneath our wealthy and influential overlords.

Workers from Thames Water are said to be bravely chipping away at a massive sewer tumour of fat and sanitary products beneath Whitehall right now, with London sewer manager Dave Dennis blaming the modern wet wipe for the latest high profile clog, saying: "They may say flushable on the packet but they don’t break down inside the sewer. They cling to cooled cooking fat and form fatbergs, which block pipes and flood our customers with sewage."