Hello everyone. I’ve disappeared for a while from this blog, but during this time, blog posts were being written in my head.

I’d like to talk about my photography journey, that does not seem to have any identity yet. My creative side appeared when I started a new life after running away from a war torn country in Africa. I started drawing portraits. Then it evolved to different media and different subjects. But when painting became too work-like as opposed to freedom since I had no studio of my own where I can let things be as I leave them. I would not have to clean out the mess I made and put things back where they belong in order to make space for myself again. Then, I bought a camera, and discovered the freedom it allowed me. I was able to save meaningful as well as meaningless moments of my life. Little did I know that there is no such thing as a meaningless photo. Eventually, time always gives meaning to older photos. It’s almost like documenting the time you lived in, the people around you, and their habits. That became a passion and I was soon to disappear from all photos because I was taking them. After taking some videos to accompany my photos, and discovering that I can edit them into something whole, it was then that I craved taking videos and documenting life. I know nothing about the techniques in film-making. My passion towards videos is more rooted in documenting rather than making scenarios up to tell a story with a plot that is preconceived.

Software for editing was hard for me to find, and therefore I always stuck to what my trusted laptop had to offer. That included Windows Movie Maker, PowerDirector (limited edition), and a couple of other free downloads that lead to a dead end. I recently discovered a free video-editing software called Lightworks, and tried it out. The video below was my first sample. I randomly chose videos I had taken in the last two years and edited almost a one minute video. Nothing fancy. I could see the potential. It’s beautiful!

I have no direction with this. I have and take photos and videos of my travels, live bands, concerts, culture, my family events, and sometimes nature. If you have any suggestions as to what would one do with this material, please let me know in the comments. I’d truly appreciate it. Meanwhile, you can check my silly video below. Until next time!

Yesterday, I watched “Lucy” the movie in a movie theater and it made me feel content. It was fulfilling to believe the made up story of what it would be like for humans to use 100% of their brain capacity. It all sounds quite scientific when you first hear those words. Watching how her abilities progressed from a brain capacity usage of 10% to 100% gradually, somehow and inexplicably was very intuitive and familiar. I have not thought of it in details, in order to really poke at the theory presented and whether it would be feasible even. All I know is that it made sense to me. It just made sense.

Living in a part of the world where the fate of your country is constantly unknown; where wars surround you , North, East, and South; where the kind and sane people around you are few; where your rights are tertiary to the monster’s selfishness; where your fate is ultimately 10% in your hands; it was a pleasure to get lost in a movie that so effortlessly shows you the bigger picture; why it is important to challenge ourselves to know better; why it is not useless to push the boundaries of our abilities and knowledge; why it is important to research and invent.

We will always be faced with revolutionary ideas, and even though we have grown to believe the once revolutionary ideas as truth, we have to keep our minds open to all possibilities, the possible and impossible. Let our imagination twist and twirl with the guidance of research to create its own reality. The least we can do, is give ourselves the freedom to explore our minds, thoughts, and beliefs with little restriction from fear and uncertainty.

So, from today’s Magic Mug to you all, even though we get caught up with everyday life, heartaches, life crises, and community conflicts, etc…, keep in mind that some people out there are seeing the big picture, appreciating what is, was and will be; something that might be hard to constantly meditate on but essential to be reminded about.

I’ve broken up with my boyfriend two days ago for reasons like our mentalities are different, and how it matters to me for him to be ambitious to some extent. I am not looking to change him, so instead, I ended it, amicably. We were both sad about it but none of us hurt each other in the process so far. One would say, why be with him in the first place if your mentalities are different. Actually we got along very well and seemed to be compatible. It’s just that the more time passes by, the more you get to know the person. Maybe we rushed the dating part of the relationship as we transitioned quickly into boyfriend/girlfriend territory where we would be exclusive.
As for now, a couple of days after the break up, I sometimes find myself missing him immensely, but talking myself through those moments seems to help. We decided that we shouldn’t talk until a good amount of time had passed in order to give each other space to try to be sad and move on. However, on the night we broke up I call him to check up on him and we talk a bit. On the next day, we exchange some messages. They say to take things at your own pace while trying to move on. I am afraid of getting too sucked in to conversations with him to the extent we would be doing ourself harm. That includes staying attached to someone you actually have no future with.
I hope we don’t end up hurting each other for whatever reason.

I seemed so composed but little did I know that when I reached home , my inner being would collapse in such sadness that I would have to type with my eyes closed as tears flow down and I sob calmly. I am so sad I am losing you, but it makes it sadder that I chose to. Is this the continuation of a lesson? Is this the continuation of feeling like a George? Is this how it felt to be him when he ended it with me?

I really miss you already, and at this point in time, the reasons I broke up with you for seem like nothing compared to having you near. But I know it was decided with my mind. No matter the reasons, it is just a shame.

And once again, I sit in my room, a different person mourning the loss of yet another relationship. One that I thought meant less to me than another. Yet, it all still hurts just as bad.

I am sorry I could not make it work. I miss you tremendously, and knowing that you are one call away makes it even harder.

After having an awkward conversation with the guy interest in my life at the moment, I felt like I had a lot to say. I did not say them. I did end up writing a ‘note’ on my phone, just to vent my illogical overreaction. Here is a very honest song, as a bonus.

Tracy Chapman – For You

[audio http://2010.danielsjourney.com/files/11%20For%20You.mp3 ]

♦ ♦ ♦

Why did you have to ask me that? Why did I have to send you that simple song to listen to? Why did you have to go so far into thinking that I have fallen in love with you? You, with your sweet words, kind heart and loving hands. Why did you have to show me so much affection, inviting me in, and then letting me wait on the door because you are not ready to open it? I am not in love with you. I never said I am. You asked if I am falling, I replied with a yes, while adding that it is too early to know for sure. ‘Falling’ does not imply ‘have fallen’. I am falling but I can break my fall with anything I want. It is like Aladdin invited Jasmine on his magic carpet, but instead of showing her the world, he shows her the small paved street around the corner. I trust you. I took your hand, you promised many things, and now, you want to get off the magic carpet and walk on the paved street. You like the paved street. It is safe. What do I do now? Do I walk with you in hopes you decide to ride and see the world, or do I just turn the other way? Patience, fear, and pride are all here, dear. All are fighting to be the number one feeling. Which one will dominate? It depends on your actions, and mine. I will leave you to your magic carpet ride around the corner for now, and drink from my wonderfully reliable magic mug.

It feels a little heart-aching to be finally ready for something you’ve needed for a while. I didn’t expect it to feel that way at all. I just thought, if you were ready for it, then you will go for it with all your heart and not look back. Right now, after years of trying to move on, and failing to, the fact that this time around, the attempt at moving on was very smooth, kind of makes me feel sick inside. Or it could be that I need sleep and less caffeine. I am not sure.

I was on a trip yesterday with a bunch of people I do not know and a friend. Mom joined as well. It was nice to be driven around for a change. I socialized. People seemed interesting and seemed interested in talking to me. With some, a common ground was non-existent. With others, it was very much the opposite. Sharing some personal interests and hobbies made the conversation flow easier. I was, just like any other day, being myself. What was different, though, was their reaction towards me. Like I was interesting and approachable. It was something I was not used to. I was enjoying my time. They were genuinely passionate people. We toured, we drank, we ate, we bonded. It all went better than I thought it would. Much better. A little unexpected even.

So, here I am. The day after. I am at work, and things are still going on the same way. People here are reacting different. It is all positive, and to a certain extent of flattery. I am a little overwhelmed. God knows this never happened before. I was never the one people get interested in. I am interesting, but that’s what me thinks about me. That’s it. It was a little secret between me and myself. But now, it feels like that secret is somehow revealed , definitely not by me. Other people seem to want to be in on that secret.

I keep thinking this will go away soon. It was all accidental. At the same time, it feels nice knowing that someone is interested in knowing me. I did not get new boobs, nor am I dressing provocatively, nor acting differently, nor putting on beautifying make up. It must be something else; Something at a deeper level. That’s how it is supposed to be, isn’t it? At least, I hope it is.

Anyway, my theory is this: that old bearded guy that sold me breakfast and a couple of souvenirs yesterday definitely put a spell on me. Yea. That’s exactly what it is.