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the phone call that rocked our world th is weekend!

this weekend has been a real adventure. Dh's 12 year old daughtet called. He hasn't seen or spoken to her in 9 years so it was totally out of the blue. The reason behind that was because when she was 3 dh was pur on probation for something that happened. The terms of his probation said that he was not allowed to have contact with his daughter. once off probation when she was 9 years old he tried to contact her but her mother threatened him. Said she would take him back to court for morw child support, she lie and make up stuff to try and get him thrown in jail ect. He did take her to court but the courts agreed that he shouldn't be allowed to she her.

So all this time he has paid his child support in full and on time, kept health insurance on her, paid for half of all school expenses and sent her $100 on her birthday and christmas.

Saturday late afternoon he gets a phone call from his daughter asking if a she can come over. Dh was at work and couldn't get off but set up for the next day. The next day we picked her up and took her to the flea market and out to lunch. Dh told me that she said her mother has been telling her all along that the reason he hasn't seen her is because he didn't love her and thought she was a burden. He explained how that wasn"t true. Well throught the visit she kept asking odd questions. She asked me how much I paid for my car, begged dh to take her to see our house and asked if she could come over for christmas. Very nice girl, very cute. She didn't seem upset or shyed away from anything. To me it seemed like she didn't care why he dad wasn"t around all those years. Almost as if she had a different agenda.

Well when we dropped her off her mom was telling dh and I how every 3 years she gets a letter from the state asking if she wants to modify the child support but she declines because dh always pays his child support in full and on time. Not like her other kids dad who doesn't. Dh said he felt like she was nicely threatening him. Why would you tell your daughters father in front of her that you considered taking him for more money but didn't that we should be greatful.

I told dh to tread lightly on this whole situation. That I will support him having a relationship with his daughter. That I am here for him and will support him 100 percent. We'll just have too see where it goes. What do you make of the situation?

Becareful, Speak with an attorney about the visits make sure all your i's are dotted and t 's are crossed. If this woman had the power to keep you away from your child for 9 years please do not set yourselves up for heartache, you want to make sure if you become a part of your daughters life you will not be suddenly taken out of it because of something that is ancient history. This way your protecting yoursleves and ideally your daughter from getting hurt later. This is a rough age for girls, having a relationship with her Dad and of course getting to know you would be a positive for her.

Yesterday her mom called and asked if dh wanted his daughter for fathers day. dh said he thought it was a little soon to be taking her for fathers day. Dh asked his daughter if she wanteed to come over for fathers day. She was unsure about coming over. Dh told her to take her time and think about it. The mother told dh that it's his holiday and he should have her. I told him if your both unsure then maybe it's too soon. He told her that they wouldn't get together on fathers day but he'd have over for dinner one night next week. She said she'll see. So right now this relationship is up in the air.

Quoting 27Peanuts:

How do you feel?The sad part s, you might be true..the ex (baby's mama) might be up to something scrupulous. I'm for all reuniting families but the mom (baby's mama), the daughter after all these years..they way you narrated the story makes me suspicious of the daughter's sincerity of trying to make a loving and caring relationship with her father...good luck. Keep us posted.

This is a tricky situation for all involved. I've been in a similar situation as the daughter involved, although the particulars were different (as they are for every family). Anyway, I know my mum often felt very resentful of the success my dad and my stepmum enjoyed, and would often ask these kind of pressing earning questions of me, and make disparaging remarks. And it's true, we were not as well off as they were, often had to struggle, and my poor mum was TERRIBLE with money! She would often do things like buy us an expensive present or trip out, and then not have money for essentials, and would quite often get me to ask my dad for extra money. That being said, she rarely, if ever, indulged herself. She spent every waking moment dedicating her life to making my brother and I happy, something she found very difficult to do alone. My dad always, always, paid his child support and the mortgage payments on the house we lived in, and never refused us extra cash. However, he also wasn't a huge presence in our early lives, for whatever reasons, I'm not interested in hearing my parents different versions. A big part of us growing closer to our dad was our stepmum, who he met when I was 10. She always made sure we had regular, quality time together, would not allow my dad to cancel last minute, and was generally all round supportive of us having a healthy relationship with our dad. It sounds to me like you are trying your best to do the same thing, which is wonderful. I hope that this young lady ends up having the kind of great relationship with all parents that I now have with my mum, dad, and stepdad. I tell this story because I want to caution against villifying and pointing fingers on both sides. It sounds like everyone has some painful memories of the past, but whatever they were, you are determined to make the future better. I'm not saying don't be careful, or not to take precautions, but to focus on the great outcome of having a happy healthy relationship with everyone in your (slightly complicated) family. Good luck! It's totally worth it!

I'm surprised your saying all this on such a popular website. It's pretty easy for your dhs ex to see your post, figure out who you are and realize you're talking about her & her daughter. What could be a gain for your dh & dd, could become a loss if the mother finds out you've been discussing her and her daughters personal life so openly.

Damn "tread lightly" sounds like a great idea. and keep you finances to yourself. She maybe confused by a brain washing Mommy who's looking for more money or who knows what. I'd also follow the advice of others and get a lawyer and talk to the lawyer about the whole situation.

I also think its really sweet that she wants to know her father and he seems like such a great guy. I fought mine 8 long years for child support. He never bought DS any gifts and sent one birthday cards with pictures of himself and nothings else. While the pictures are nice I don't think 1 gift would have killed him. I fianlly just had him sign his rights.

I'm not worried about her reading this post. I have nothing to hide from anyone. If she is any kind of women she will realize I am looking out for the best interest of all parties involved. I am not looking to keep dh from his daughter nor am I about bashing her mom. Obviously she did something right because she is a very polite, social sweet girl. I am however about protecting my family. My boys and my dh are
everything to me.

Quoting Bonita131:

I'm surprised your saying all this on such a popular website. It's pretty easy for your dhs ex to see your post, figure out who you are and realize you're talking about her & her daughter. What could be a gain for your dh & dd, could become a loss if the mother finds out you've been discussing her and her daughters personal life so openly.

I did make another post about this in another group, yes. My dh is a registeted sex offender because he dated a girl when he was 21 years old who said she was 18 years old. They dated for 3 months. She invites him over one night when her parents were out. They engaged in sex and got caught by her dad. Her dad pressed charges. he was senrenced to 6 months jail and 6 years probation. During alk of this he was not allowed to see his daughter. He still kept up his obligation to his daughter. He paid his child support, kept health insurance on her, paid for half of all school expenses and sent her money on her birthday and christmas. When he got off probation he tries to see his daughter. The mother told sh if he came aro uh nd she'd find away to get him in trouble and she'd take him b ack to court to see that he nwvwr aees his daughter. He ended up taking her ro court but the courr denied him visitation. Here we are now.

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