No, you’re not hallucinating; the 24 Hours of LeMons is once again at California’s Sonoma Raceway this weekend for packed track of wheel-to-wheel action and inaction. Well, maybe you’re hallucinating. But that doesn’t change the fact that LeMons holds its sixth annual “Sears Pointless” at the Track Formerly Known as Sears Point and Infineon Raceway. As has historically been the case, this is one of LeMons most popular races with 180 teams signed up to try their hand on the track’s insane, roller-coaster contours.

The traditional March race at Sonoma occasionally exhibits grumpy weather, but early-week forecasts call for extremely pleasant weather in California’s wine country. This particular field exudes excellence and effluence (as you can see on the unofficial entry list), so follow the jump for what is certainly Hooniverse’s best 24 Hours of LeMons preview yet.

CLASS C

As always, these race previews require a brief moment of explanation about the classes: Class A is for the cars with a prayer of winning, Class B is for cars with a prayer of finishing, and Class C is for those with no prayer of finishing. Naturally, that leaves Class C as the most entertaining and “exotic” of the classes, hosting a survey of oddballs and orphans. This race should feature several spectacular(ly failing) examples, so read on.

(As ever, any comment on classes is made strictly based on heaps of pointless, geeky knowledge accumulated by this LeMons correspondent. All classing decisions are made the day before the race by the esteemed LeMons Supreme Court.)

#81 Pit Crew Revenge (1981 AMC Eagle) – LeMons has seen a few AMC products, but this is the first Eagle and it comes, of course, at the hands of LeMons Legend Chris Overzet. With an early four-wheel-drive system, yards of suspension travel, and the brand’s last-gasp parts-bin raiding, what could possibly go wrong?

#907 Old Crows B (Jensen Healey) – The Old Crows are sure a brave bunch, cashing in a solid V6 Mustang for a 907-engined Jensen.

#981 Bodge Engineering (Rover SD1) – The British Bonanza at this race continues with British Leyland’s finest mediocre V8 product.

#180 Missfits (Jaguar XJ6) – This late-model XJ6 on paper isn’t that bad of a racecar with more than 200 horsepower on tap.That line was nearly typed with a straight face.

#421 Team Westafari (Volkswagen Vanagon VR6) – The Westafari has likely been on some kind of soul-searching odyssey in the desert for the last two years, but this surprisingly quick VR6-swapped Vanagon returns for some unfinished business. As soon as it gets some coffee, man.

#101 Useless Old People (Isuzu Impulse) – At Thunderhill last year, this poor rare-but-not-remotely-valuable car got a trunk full of M3, but it returns with a rebuilt rear end.

#122 LOL Racing (Volvo 122) – Also at Thunderhill, LOL’s Volvo 1800 crumpled around a K wall, but the team have since transplanted the 1800’s drivetrain in a straight 122.

#50 Buck Yeager and the Casual Sound Barrier Society (Ford Capri) – The well-traveled and renowned California Capri team are possibly the most laidback race team anywhere on the planet.

#827 Le Citron (Pontiac Lemans) – A Malaise Era barge that embodies that time at Le Mans when Cadillac brought Le Monstre to appall the refined French racing fans.

#404 As Seen on TV Racing B (Toyota “Starolla”) – The As Seen on TV crew are generally pretty competent, so don’t be surprised if this team put their sweet little ’80s econobox at the top of the Class C standings.

#210 B210 Racing (Datsun B210) – The most self-evident LeMons team name in all of LeMons-dom.

#197 A Lemon Entry (Nissan Stanza) – Having lived in the Midwest, this writer can’t remember the last time he saw a Nissan Stanza.

#57 Team-Ing WIth Additional Bad Ideas (Austin Mini) – Running a Mini on a track with 180 cars is brave

#4 Pit Crew Revenge B (Mazda B2200) – The famous RV/Rod Millen Tacoma truck returns as a “boat hauler.” Given how this car has looked in the past, it should be good.

#0 LaHonda Bandits Racing Grope (Porsche 914) – I’m still not sure how this car has never won Class C. It seems that a tiny bobble usually costs them just enough time to fall short of a class win.

CLASS B

As usual, I’m generally clueless what to say with the middle class in LeMons. This tends to be the crevasse into which slip the crappy-but-reliable and fast-but-unreliable entries. It always remains tough to know what to expect from this class so rather than attempt to describe it, here’s a list of all the teams I’d expect in Class B with a single word prediction that is in no way simply a word picked from a random word generator.

Nope.

Not one aciculated madreporite.

Number

Name

Year

Make

Model

Prediction

7

New York Rock Exchange A

1984

Volkswagen

Rabbit

Reobligation

8

Team Tinyvette

1969

Opel

GT

Conglutinated

9

New York Rock Exchange C

1987

Volkswagen

Scirocco

Nonsaponification

13

Team 5150

19771

Datsun

240Z/E-Type

Convincingness

15

Welcome to the Fairmont

1978

Ford

Fairmont

Dioptral

19

Thunderchicken Extra Crispy

1990

Ford

Thunderbird Super Coupe

Cellae

21

Ass Kickers Anonomous (sic)

1998

Ford

Escort

Sidewheeler

27

Model T GT and Pinto Bean Bandits C

1976

Ford

Pinto

Madreporite

40

Neon Pope

1997

Dodge

Neon

Verified

44

Stick Figure Racing

1987

Toyota

MR2

Josep

51

Stealth Alien Hunters

1988

Pontiac

Fiero

Kinky

62

Queen Victoria

2000

Ford

Crown Victoria

Partizanship

63

Dirty Little Freaks

1979

Mercedes

300CD

Minim

67

Model T GT and Pinto Bean Bandits C

1975

Ford

Pinto

Knighthood

68

1% Racing Party Vikings

1987

Ford

Mustang

Incapacity

76

Rustang

1971

Ford

Mustang

Thermotaxis

79

Finger Tight Racing

1988

Ford

Mustang

Aluminite

86

Culo a La Quiebra Carreras-Broke Ass Donkey Racing

1988

Toyota

Supra

Assouan

90

Pure Evel

1991

Saturn

SC2

Eunomy

91

Fiero Libre Jackson

1987

Pontiac

Fiero

Arthur

93

Van Gogh

1993

Dodge

Caravan

Horn

96

CatTurn Racing

1995

Volkswagen

Jetta

Liquidising

105

Sheepshaggers A

1984

Chevy

Camaro

Landless

108

Avis Race-A-Car

2004

Chevy

Aveo

Chameleon

111

White Trash Barbie Racing III

2000

Saturn

SC2

Tokoloshe

114

Re-Start Racing

1991

Ford

Ranger

Lagomorphic

131

Delinquent Racing

1996

Ford

Taurus SHO

Earmuff

136

Faulknor’s Alter Ego

1995

Volkswagen

Golf

Harbor

150

Nerd Herd 14.5

1994

Ford

Mustang

Aciculate

154

The 5150 Gang

1995

Audi

Quattro

Bilection

171

Old Crows A

1996

Ford

Mustang

Willaert

173

Space Racing

1986

BMW

E28

Unconsumed

182

The Black Flags

1983

Toyota

Celica Supra

Starlighted

191

Aqua Volvo

1979

Volvo

242

Enforcer

198

Pizza Planet Delivery

1988

Mazda

B2200/Rotary

Juramentado

199

Pit Crew Revenge AMC

1999

Subaru

Legacy

Unmodified

200

Dudes Ex Machina

1980

Datsun

200SX

Urtication

241

Car Error Panamericana

2001

Saturn

SL2

Repique

245

Bernal Dads Racing B

1985

Volvo

245

Dearly

260

Led 260Zeppelin

1974

Datsun

260Z

Overspecialized

261

Lou Glutz Motorsports

1991

Ford

Escort

Iranian

282

Pinewood Dirtbags

1976

Chevy

Luv

Chitter

289

Tired Iron Racing 2

1988

Honda

CRX

Revacating

301

Livermorons

1990

Honda

Civic

Aphasiac

302

Learning2Turn B

1994

Pontiac

Firebird

Unindulged

390

Rep-Eat-Offenders

1987

Volvo

240

Roundelay

408

KRRT (Killer Rabbit Racing Team)

1988

Volkswagen

GTI

Famacide

414

Oktoberfest Racing

1970

BMW

2002

Capelin

480

Bridgeway Bombers

1987

Alfa Romeo

Spider

Solitary

484

Pinewood Dirtbags

1976

Chevy

Luv

Harappa

502

The Hasselhoffs

1992

Toyota

Paseo

Tripping

515

Mustang Sally and the Psychoderelcs

1997

Ford

Mustang

Semiotical

519

ASSCAR Racing

1996

Ford

Crown Victoria

Sourish

687

Blue Oak School

2002

Mazda

Protege

Schiavone

695

Team Black Bird

1976

Chevy

Camaro

Lacedaemonian

733

Team Delivery Driver – Avoid the Noid

1985

Honda

CRX

Dunderheadedness

776

Star Spangled Buttholes

1991

Nissan

Sentra

Jahvist

805

Jackalope Jockeys

1977

Volkswagen

Rabbit

Vendor

888

Myopic Motorsports

1995

Ford

Thunderbird

Subtotemic

908

Easy 908/14

1973

Porsche

914

Bittersweet

911

Hella Shitty Racing C

1983

Porsche

911

Pia

916

PicknPull-ed Pork Racing

1968

Ford

Mustang GT

Transmake

928

Dirt Poor-sche Racing

1983

Porsche

928

Storying

959

Sin City LeMons

1985

Volkswagen

GTI

Chickenshit

967

John Galt Racing

1974

BMW

2002

Curvet

999

Petty Cash Racing B

1998

Volkswagen

Jetta

Holiness

OVERALL/CLASS A

If you’re a betting human person, you should know that four teams in this race have 21 wins combined between them: Cerveza Racing’s BMW E28 (7), Eyesore Racing’s Mazda Miata (6), the Model T GT (5), and the Porch Racing/Depend Porsche 944 (3, all consecutively at Sonoma). I’d wager on one of them coming out on top with Sour Aviation Racing (Ford Mustang), Tired Iron Racing (Mazda Miata), The Faustest Team (BMW E30), Clergy MC (Mazda Miata), and maybe the EDBD Racing (Eagle Talon) putting up a fight in the Top 5.

Because it’s patently obvious at this point that I’m tossing this together at the last minute, here is a list of every car I’d expect in Class A, ranked by team name:

As usual, you can follow live timing from Specialty Timing’s website or on the Race Monitor app for Smartphones or devices. However, this race will also have live streaming from the racetrack all weekend on Racer Connect, who are also offering up $125 to the highest finisher in each class with a Racer Connect sticker on the car.

I’m sure we all feel enlightened now. Here are some things to know about the race and its assorted-and-sordid history. Oh, and there’s some money on the