St. Patty’s Day: Season Opener

I’m not Irish, I don’t drink beer, and I think orange and green go together horribly. St. Patty’s Day doesn’t quite rank among my absolute top favorite drinking days on its own merits, like my birthday, Greek Games day, Homecoming, Bid Day, the 4th of July, and Family Initiation do. (Formerly on the list was New Year’s Eve, but seeing as this year I vomited and blacked out before we left the house, spent a majority of the evening crying in a corner, lost my wallet (and my earrings), missed the countdown, face-planted among a sea of strangers who responded by staring down at me and saying “ooooohhhh”, DEFINITELY didn’t kiss anyone, and to top it all off sent 32…yes you’re reading that correctly…THIRTY-TWO text messages to ONE person, (I’m still waiting on his response, but I have this lurking feeling I might have scared him off)…New Year’s Eve and I are currently on bad terms. But I digress). Still, I will absolutely be waking up on March 17 earlier than I have so far this year, because there is something to be said for this super important day where a shit-ton of years ago, St. Patrick led the Irish slaves in a revolution against snakes or some shit. Don’t quote me on that, there’s like a 98% chance that’s not exactly what happened.

It’s not that I think this is a better theme than any other. The super precious adorable headband I made is no more exciting than any other, and I’m not so fond of the fact that green beverages make it look like some alien’s emerald-colored jizz has permanently stained your tongue, teeth, and lips (for this reason, I tend to stick to my standard day drink beverages: double LITs to start, and from there whatever happens, happens), it’s more what St. Patty’s Day represents. And I don’t mean the freckled, soulless, mutant creatures that are spawned from Ireland. It’s the first BIG dage of the season, and it’s absolutely necessary for everyone to partake. Meaning, no matter how cold it might still be, people suck it up to drink on some patio wearing ridiculous leprechaun attire, giving us the courage to day drink on some patio for every Saturday that follows despite any weather. It is a pivotal moment of spring semester, where shit just starts to get awesome. Is there really anything better than wearing a party tank, a fanny, a neon hat and some plastic shades to hide your drunk eyes (or a sun dress, really depends on the occasion)? I can’t think of a damn thing. On the very best day drinks, you’ll experience the epic double black out; when you come to at about 8pm, think about eating something, shower and get ready to go again. It’s days like these that make college just so…college, and you find yourself constantly thinking to yourself just how great your life is.

Day drinking season is the best season there is; warm weather, sundresses, and ya know…drinking make life just that much more grand and St. Patty’s is the official season opener. And for this reason, we must celebrate the way the forefathers of your friends Kyle and Meghan O’something intended: drunk.

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co