Bollywood Fight Scenes Are INCREDIBLE

September 30, 2015

Pew, pew! Uncle, bachao! I know it’s hard to believe, but I’ve just spent my day going through lots of Bollywood fight scenes in the name of research. Yeah, it’s a tough job, but somebody has got to do it. I think it’s changed my constitution permanently. I’m categorically not the same person I was when I started this endeavour. But I’ve learnt something crucial: Bollywood fight scenes are incredible. Incrediblé!

Let me regale you with why exactly that is. Firstly, no one worries about the law of physics. They’re just irrelevant when some dakhu numberr vun is attacking you with a glass bottle or a slipper or something. You just have to protect your family and get rid of those bastards, yah? Secondly, the moustaches. Oh my god the moustaches. They make every normal guy a much bigger badass; one capable of defeating large gangs single-handedly. Lastly, the production values and cinematography. Watch some of these sequences and get ready to be amazed.

Singham

Oh my god. Did you actually make it through that without laughing? If so, please tell us your secret, because we couldn’t stop giggling. Why? Oh because:

The cinematography

That moustache!

Why doesn’t he use his gun instead of ripping a lamppost out?

Why does he only start running AFTER the car stars moving?

That moustache!!

HOW GOOD IS HIS RUNNING?

The Matrix (Indian Version)

These graphics are sure to completely destroy your mind. Man, even the choreography is absolutely insane. Get out of the way, Keanu, we’ve got a real badass in town.

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi

This is so so so great and so strange. What makes it really strange is that it has The Undertaker (played by Brian Lee, not Mark Calaway) fighting fellow WWF star Crush to the death. TO THE DEATH. Because, as the nice ring announcer says, The Undertaker kills all of his opponents. Ah-mazing.

Chandramukhi

This film is littered with amazing scenes. Just don’t interrupt a guy who’s chewing gum! Also, the double denim is amazingggggggggg113j3p3j3!!!! And the sunglasses. Oh my god. Told you Bollywood fight scenes are incredible.

Bodyguard

There aren’t any words for this one. Honestly. Just wait until the hero gets his shirt off. Phwoar.