Holy Family?

I prepared myself for the worst last Sunday, the Feast of the Holy Family. I prophesied a dismal homily on the too-radiant-to-be-believed triad: you know, ‘be holy as Mary, Joseph, and Jesus are holy’, piercing neither the surface of family nor holiness.

Wrong on all counts. My pastor pointed out the disparity between our generosity to family members and to strangers. We write big checks to orphans then all but get restraining orders on family members who ‘trigger’ us. Overly sensitive to those we love so much we hate, many of us are anything but holy in how emotionally stingy we are toward family members.

It’s our nature to defend ourselves when loved ones frustrate us. Or take some disturbing turn that frightens us. Jesus stressed Mary out by ditching the clan for some temple time. It was the first sign of Him distancing Himself from her for reasons not yet clear. To be sure, the analogy breaks down with our families: confusing members are messianic only in their own darkened minds. Yet it can help to remember everyone has a subtext that only God ‘gets’ as well as a noble destiny we may have forgotten.

This holy week I had the privilege of responding to an emergency call from colleagues in marital crisis. That holy family nearly blew up as they walked onto a landmine of familiar suspicions and judgments. But they surrendered together to the Father who calmed the storm; holy peace helped them to hear each other so they could glimpse his or her goodness once more. Another couple met with us to seek wisdom on how to best love a son in the throes of an identity crisis. (It’s hard to love a 36-year-old acting 16.) But these parents are digging deep into the Father’s love for their child and his best. However painful, the only way is down– on one’s knees–where love and wisdom are distilled. Generous, tempered care for the other’s good can result from such prayer.

Mary shows us the way here. After her anxiety over Jesus’ disappearance, she does something we all can do—she ‘treasured these things in her heart’ (LK 2:51). That word for ‘treasure’ means to reflect, to conceive something new out of the brooding. It provides sacred space for entrusting the beloved to the Father who sees all (LK 2:51); it may also grant one inspired sight. You could say that Mary’s prayer transformed her fear into marvel. May such prayer make our families holy this year too; may we love our members wisely, generously, in 2019.

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5 thoughts on “Holy Family?”

by Samon January 4, 2019 at 1:21 PM

That's true about us not being loving enough toward our family members. But there's an important point to keep in mind—sometimes family members are abusive. I have a niece who did something really awful a couple of years ago, and she never apologized or repented, so Matt 18:17 seems to apply. Of course, we have to forgive, but we are not to be foolish either. When a family member is abusive, if we are still going to interact with him or her, we have to figure out what kind of boundaries to put in place.
In one of her books, Agnes Sanford made a somewhat humorous statement that I love: "If we pray for the gift of wisdom, we may know by God's grace what manner of praying people [i.e., Christians] to avoid. Yes, I do avoid some of them. I flee as from the plagues of Egypt." And sometimes this applies to family members. :)

"Jesus stressed Mary out by ditching the clan for some temple time. It was the first sign of Him distancing Himself from her for reasons not yet clear." Interesting as I recently while looking for ways to meditate on the Joyful mysteries, I had a picture in my mind of Mary being so frustrated with Jesus for abandoning her for 3 days, that she took him by the ear and gave him a good "don't do that again". But as for reasons not yet clear (to you?) Makes it sound like he wanted to be free of her mothering. Did you really mean it in that sense?
To Sam: "Of course, we have to forgive, but we are not to be foolish either. When a family member is abusive, if we are still going to interact with him or her, we have to figure out what kind of boundaries to put in place." I agree with you about boundaries. It is more loving to establish them when we are abused. Too many kids breaking the 4th (Catholic) commandment nowadays out of ignorance or not caring who they lash out at with their "feelings" in the name of "their truth" which if they are public school indoctrinated definitely means their parents at the top of the list.

..... no wonder G’D included,”.. love your NEIGHBOR ..” neighbors including ANY and EVERY ONE ... . the love the LORD gives is definitely not stupid, not blind, not ignorant, not marshmallowy .... but VERY sound minded ..... patient, truthful, long-suffering .... yes, on those knees .... ouch !! BLESSINGS on you and Annette !!

This is really helpful - especially as my son is staying for several weeks over the Christmas period. He is still, after 20 years, fighting drug addiction, so it is a timely reminder to me that I need to continually get His wisdom and perspective., otherwise it is hard sometimes not to despair and become judgemental and negative.
However, as to what Jesus was doing, I think that our interaction with the Jewish community once again, has helped a lot in understanding the context .
Apparently at the age of about 12 years, the boys who had not only learned the Torah by heart, but had also understood what they had learned and could discuss the scriptures intelligently, were the ones who were then picked out to train as rabbis.
They then enter a Rabbinical School until they were about 30. Jesus would not have been called 'Rabbi' repeatedly unless he was one. This is why we only have one story about his childhood. The First Century Church would have 'got' this.
Jesus may well have helped in his father's carpentry business - but he was 'The Rabbi from Nazareth'. Incidentally, the really brilliant young rabbis were released to start their own 'school' and to interpret The Torah themselves.
Hope that is helpful - I always love to learn more about Him.

Thank you so much for this Andy. Ours was the typical homily you mentioned and I grieved for a couple days after knowing that we are not the only family in pain in our parish. Before I got recovered in OA after years at Hope Vineyard, I was totally sold out to the ministry and the "orphans" but not to my own family. Eventually God brought me home to my family, and in bringing me home as well to the Catholic church. The end of that was the humbling eating disorder that brought me ultimately to the healing knowledge of Jesus that I'd sought all along.