An I HATE FRANCE! Post

Everyday on the streets of Bordeaux, I encounter a situation where I swear to the motherfucking gods I can't believe what I hear come out of these stupid people's mouths. Do I have an example? Millions, the most recent was at the prefecture, which is sort of like DMV or DPS in The States. (Always the fucking prefecture, I should burn that fucking place down! In fact, I think the French would join suit, it would be another French fucking Revolution, something we desperately need. Fuck the prefecture coming straight from the underground.)

First was this French pig of a man, when I asked him for help, responded with,

"I don't have the time or the right to help you."

I TOTALLY HAVE TO USE THIS IN THE FUTURE. Next, as I am able to become a French citizen and keep my American nationality, I asked for a list outlining proper procedure, this dumb bitch responded,

"Are you married to a real French?"

not just once, but three times. French people detest being laughed at, so what did I do? That's right, I laughed in her fucking face. Come on man, you have to!! No, I'm married to a FAKE FRENCH! Dumb cunts. I actually had to say on several occasions in my best French,​"I'm a foreigner, not stupid."

It shuts them up everytime, every single time.

To give you an idea of what I have to deal with on a DAILY BASIS, check out the documentary, EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP. This documentary also brought up some negative feelings about (most, some, whatever) French people as well, but I will get to that soon enough.

The documentary is about street art and artists and becoming mainstream. We journey with them at night as they make the streets their Louvre. Then, there is Thierry Guetta, otherwise known as Mr. Brainwash, a French man who just so happened to align himself with something great and, in my opinion, pretty much messed it all up. Or did he? This documentary has so many different layers and makes you question, what is art? What truly defines an artist? The film forced me rethink my own ideas of how art is created, the artist's statement, and how their art is appreciated and received. It also made me think about the Andy Warhol's quote, "Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art." But, I digress.

In a nutshell, Guetta is special. Since I have lived in France for the last few years, and I work as both an English and dance teacher, I understand Guetta, but honestly, I can't stand Guetta! He's French, so he wears his stupidity well, (most) French people do. That's the rub though. I have a saying: In the real world, I know! On Planet France, I understand.

At times, living in France is a challenge. I liken it to being angry ALL THE TIME at a mentally and physically challenged person. How can you be angry at a mentally and physically challenged person? YOU CAN'T!! You simply cannot, and with that said: WELCOME TO FRANCE! And I know, I know, being angry is self-inflicted pain and if I am constantly angry at stupid people, I am tempted to join them. I know, thank you. Just let me vent, please.

There is a saying in France and it goes a little something like this... When God created France, he really outdid himself. To God, France was paradise! So, to even the playing field, he invented the French. (poor peasants)

I think this movie is an essential watch for all French people! I feel they must know how they are perceived by the rest of the world. Seriously. There were several parts in the movie where I couldn't help to wonder if Guetta was joking, but he is not. I attempted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but after a while, I started to question other aspects of the documentary, such as: Is this a real documentary? Nobody is really that stupid, are they? Wait, what? Are you kidding me? Wow.

On the other hand, I guess French people could watch Honey Boo Boo, which I saw ONCE but couldn't stomach, and ask the same questions. But that is another topic and I have to get this off my chest before I Hulk out.

Again, watch the documentary and listen to what Guetta says, I mean really listen. You will see what I have to deal with, that is what it is like living in France. As I mentioned above, the story about paradise? Yes, I am in paradise, surrounded by idiots. Ohhh woe is me. (Some days are better than others! Most days really!)

EVERYDAY in my French city of Bordeaux, I pretty much ask these same questions: Seriously? Are you stupid? Wait, what? and the answer I must keep reminding myself is simply, I'm "surrounded by idiots." (Notice the quotes? Yeah, that was Claire who shared this gem with me when I first arrived to France. Claire, who is French and lived in the U.S. for 40 years, told me that, and I guess some things never, ever change!)

Still, it could be worse. I could be back in the United States, getting fatter and dying prematurely because my insurance couldn't cover it. On the bright side, I could easily purchase a gun and shoot my brains out. Yay!

Frenchified for Life

is a fabulous little lifestyle blog about truly embracing French life!

​My intent is to simply inspire you to create something unique and beautiful in your everyday life. The French have this wonderful and annoying habit of seeing the world through rose colored glasses, might as well learn something from them!

That said, I lift my glass to you!

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