The best thing I've ever bought with money is my house. I call it my Paris Palace. It's beautiful. Every room has beautiful crystal chandeliers and amazing moldings from Italy. When people come over they say, "Hey, this looks just like you."

The best thing that's happened in my brother's eight years in office is that since September 11, 2001, we haven't been attacked on our soil. Given the fact that there are a lot of well-financed people in groups whose organizing principle is to destroy America, I would say that's a pretty good accomplishment.

But the wisdom of Dwight Shrute (why is he on this list? Does Esquire think The Office is reality TV?) falls into a category of its own:

The difference between sex and love can usually be complicated, but I think I've found a way to keep them straight in my head: You love your parents, but you sex your girlfriend. I have it written down in a couple of places.