I have a term for my somewhat manic desire to keep working. I call it “sharking out.” Just like a shark needs to constantly be moving forward through the water, always swimming, always devouring things in its path, I often feel that I have to be working on something. Though I may be in denial, I don’t consider myself a workaholic. This urgency somehow goes deeper into my soul, my existential core. I feel that life is short, and I need to be justifying my existence on a daily basis, through my art. Through creating something.

Case in point, I just recently completed a project that was two years in the making; the exhibition is still hanging on gallery walls here in Albuquerque. A perfect time to pause and reflect. But I am restless already, and I’m looking at what the “next” thing will be. I will be traveling overseas in the coming weeks, and I have ideas for a new project to shoot while I’m away. I also started a layout of my next zine, which will be a collaboration with a fellow photographer from Italy. The zine will focus on instant film photographs (Polaroid, Instax and Fuji peel apart.)

There are unique qualities to shooting instant film. In some ways it is liberating, knowing that there is only one copy of the photo I made. A unique artifact from a unique moment. In that regard, it is the quintessence of photography itself. At the same time, I struggle somewhat when I shoot instant film. There is additional weight, additional expectation I place on each photograph. The film is not inexpensive, and in the case of the Fuji peel apart film, it isn’t even being made anymore. When I expose the last sheet I own, that’s it. I’ll retire my Polaroid 360 for good. How’s that for putting extra weight on each photograph?

Regardless, I will continue my sharking way, no matter how deep the ocean waters may be, or how dark the depths become. And my quandary will no doubt continue. Perhaps I am incapable of taking my foot of the gas, or perhaps the constant engagement with my creativity is what makes my life worth living.