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The Disgusting Adventures of GI Jonny and Captain Bareback

UK Safe-Sex Video Leaves Little to Imagination

"Close your eyes and think of England," was the oblique advice given to Queen Victoria on her wedding night.

How far we've come, indeed, Vicky. Created for the BBC and the sexual health charity Terence Higgins Trust by viral marketer The Virus Factory's the new "GI Jonny" viral video is spreading the message of safe sex throughout Britain faster than a ... well, insert your own "Fleet Week" joke here.

"GI Jonny" director James Rouse has done for sex education what Trey Parker and Matt Stone's "Team America" did for the war on terror: Actually making prevention less appealing than the disease.

The new viral short features GI Joe-ish action figures, GI Jonny and Captain Bareback dueling it out in a dance of weaponized action-figure intercourse: Bareback features a "crotch cannon" that fires jets of cream in the direction of poor damsel-in-distress Mimzy, who, thankfully, is quickly defended by GI Jonny and his latex protector shield. (In the UK, Hasbro's famous toy figure was actually marketed as "Action Man," but as "Jonny" is also a Brit term for condom, the more "American" title was employed.)

The video is replete with such double entendres, like our favorite, "GI Jonny's powerful fisting action makes Captain Bareback's eyes water!" But don't settle for our mere 2D description; it really must be seen online (and with your office door closed). The U.K.'s National Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations calls it "disgusting" while conservative watchdog Media Watch UK, calls it "degrading to women."

But it's undeniably a hit: So far, it's been viewed a total of over 2 million times -- largely seeded on outlets such as YouTube or Break.com, or Kontraband.com if you're overseas.

"It's aimed at kids over 18," says Henry Cowling, director of The Viral Factory USA, defending the spot by adding "The point that's getting missed, is that the BBC is trying to reach that audience. One thing the BBC was very clear about was that the audience that's most at risk is most complacent about it. They realized: 'Something needs to be done, we need to try other methods of reaching them. We're talking to younger people as they talk about it themselves."

He paused to add, "That said, there are no further semen cannon episodes planned for 2007."

Calls to Hasbro for comment were, shockingly enough, not returned. Learn more about GI Jonny at his website.