I committed a grave error four years ago, I cannot exactly tell what is about, but is something that I must never do. My sister had already done the same thing before me, but no one had a knowledge about it. Then, last year she confessed and everybody got disappointed with her, except me, who got surprise that she had the bravery to do that.

I stay four years with this heavy load on me and I cannot bear with this anymore, I almost committed suicide two times and my hard regrets can't go away from me. I cried so much for this and now I can't even sleep anymore. This will be so frustrating for all my family and friends, but I need to tell them, I need to take out all this heavy load from inside of me but I don't know how! I'm desperate and please forgive me if this is too broad, but I really can't say what I've done.

So how can I tell them what I've done despite my low communication skill and my non-bravery and fear?

Some informations: I'm an 18 years old girl, my sister is 22. I'm autistic.

Disappointed may have been an initial reaction, until your family discovered the gravity of your sister's situation. How did they later act upon it? Did she receive help, counselling etc. from your family? How are relations within your family now?
– user8671May 15 '18 at 14:03

Well, a few days later and so on till now, she received support from my family and some friends, I know that this also will happen to me, but my mother told me: please never give me that suffer again like your sister did. And I know this will be very painful for all of us
– user17503May 15 '18 at 14:08

Is your sister willing to help you? and does your family still support her?
– The IntegratorMay 15 '18 at 14:22

1

You must go with a psychologist. They can hear you and give a good treatment for you. Could you pay for one?
– HooseMay 15 '18 at 14:31

2

Welcome to IPS. I'm really sorry about your situation. Truly. But I don't think this website is equipped to help with situations like this. If you can't talk to it with a professional (I highly encourage that you try to), there are organizations you can call to talk about it, people that are there and want to listen to you. Unfortunately, while communication skills are important, I think they might not be focal to a solution for your situation. If you explain what your goal is in the conversation with your family, perhaps we can provide an answer.
– Clay07gMay 15 '18 at 15:25

2 Answers
2

From what I've heard so far I think the best thing for you to do is first share your burden with close friends first, those who you think will support you and help later. And I really think you and your sister should see a psychologist for your mental health, being more mentally sound will help you be calmer and stronger when facing your parents.

Also, you should discuss with your sister on what you are going to do, and how you are going to do it. She has already been through this and will have some good advice for you.

When you do confront your family, make sure you and the people you want to tell are alone and calm. Bring some of your friends who support you along if you are scared of being alone. Do not get scared and that will harm you more, everyone makes mistakes, admit them and move on. Your family will listen if they do not you will at least have the burden removed and move on with your life. If needed, conduct a meeting in a certified psychologists office as they can help you calm things down if things get out of hand.

It's hard to answer you without more details but, where I'm from (France), you can always ask for professional help when you need help communicating something to someone.

By professional help, I mean a psychiatrist (or a psychologist, I guess), but this may vary country to country.

So, how does it work? (please note that I haven't done it myself. But I know about that because one of my family members use it and was very pleased by the outcomes)

The idea is that you first meet with a psychiatrist where you explain your problem. Once the psychiatrist is aware of everything, they will certainly suggest you a course of action. However, you can also ask them to do a "group meeting" where you, your family and the psychiatrist will be present.

The meeting is usually (always?) set in the psychiatrist office which is a neutral place and the psychiatrist themselves serve as a neutral third party.

The psychiatrist is here to help you (and everyone) say what they have to say, to help everyone ear what the others have to say and will also prevent the discussion from heating too much.

In case you don't have access to such a neutral third party, I will suggest, as The Integrator already noted, to talk to your sister first (and alone).

She has already been where you are and she will probably be able to give you some precious advice as to how you should talk to your family about that.