- Life is sexually transmitted- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection,
make him a sandwich.- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet
and they won't bother you for weeks.- Some people are like a Slinky...not really good for anything, but you still can't help
but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.- Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax
cut saves you thirty cents?- In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it look normal.- We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions
and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of
illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of
Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Well I am shoving off on my first official deployment on the ***** ***** ********* ******. I should be back on ***************** after visiting ****** ******** and possibly ***********, *****. In the meantime, you'll be lucky if you get any updates so if you do, be thankful. While I am gone, you can look at the above photo and, like the old Highlight's magazine picture, try and identify what's wrong with it.

Although I generally buy warranties on my Dell computers(I have had mostly good luck), the old saying goes, only stupid people buy extended warranties. Here is the story of a guy that bought a ginormous TV from Best Buy and the tale of them trying not to honor their service plan agreement. Actually...the title of this message should be don't ever buy anything larger than a dvd from Best Buy.

It looks like the absurd rules of the TSA have gotten to Fed Ex as they are refusing to ship containers of water or even empty air as long as the words on the label look dangerous. Certainty, pictured above, was bottles of tap water.

New legislation in Iran has made it the place for horny Mullahs to visit. Iran is trying to assert itself as the new entertainment capital of the Middle East by allowing the use of temporary marriages(one hour) so any Sheik enjoying a night on the town can legally rape...err...copulate with his 9-year old wife of the moment.

This past saturday, Scientology Corp opened a huge Brainwashing center in downtown Berlin. Currently, Germany does not recognize Scientology Corp as a religion and one official was quoted as saying, "Scientology has become a very totalitarian, fascist system in the meantime, whose only purpose is to make money."

The government, indignant that an innovation should threaten a settled industry, imposes a fine on the cloth-button makers. But the wardens of the button guild are not yet satisfied. They demand the right to search people's homes and wardrobes and fine and even arrest them on the streets if they are seen wearing these subversive goods.

Does this sound familiar to something going on today? A new technology(the internet) threatening the bottom line of established but, out-dated business models(the big recording labels)?

This video is causing such a stir in India that the country is threatening to block Youtube unless they remove it. Can you identify the guy being portrayed? Once you do, it is kinda funny. 30 seconds after that, it will get boring and you can move on in life.

If someone did the same thing with Jesus, would I have posted it? Only if Italy threatened to block Youtube.

This is the story of a guy who went to work at Burger King for 15 days. You can read the original story in this thread but I have copied it all here because each episode is broken up over lots of pages and is a pain in the ass to read. VERY funny tho. Here it begins:

My 15 eventful days of employment at burger king (colin)
And why I will never eat there again.....
-----------------------------------------------------
This is a recount of my 15 days of employment at the local burger king. After working there, I must warn all of you to never eat at a fast food joint where the manager is an obese tub of lard named Al, of if your meal was prepared by a short, middle aged man named Raul..
---------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 1 - Wow, strong pervert

I had been told to purchase a very special type of shoe, with extra strong traction. I soon knew why. Upon entering the back of my local Burger King, I quickly lost my balance and nearly fell on the thick layer of grease that coated the floor.

As I took in my surroundings, and tried to discern a strange odor lingering in the air, the manager exited his office. He was taller than I was, and must have weighed at least 6 times as much as me. He spotted me and motioned me into his office.

"Hey, you're the new guy, right? Come in here."

One one side of his office was a set of television screens. On those screens, you could see the various employees doing their jobs. This was where the manager sat to monitor the employees at all times. On the opposite side of the office sat a computer. I thought that it looked like it was barely used. I would later find out how wrong I was.
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In Britain, trophy wives are coming under new scrutiny as they are now being dubbed "toxic" wives. Being hot, vacant and useless is no longer going to cut it, ladies. To quote the insightful song, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife."

32. Just 30 minutes of continuous kissing can diminish the body's allergic reaction to pollen, relaxing the body and reducing production of histamine, a chemical cell given out in response to allergens.