28 Random Thoughts Parents Have When They're Trying to Get Their Baby to Sleep

It's 2 a.m., and you're awake. But it's not to party. You're holding your newborn baby, trying to get her to fall asleep -- before you fall down from exhaustion. Did I mention your baby is also crying? Because that makes this late-night struggle so much more fun. It's the epic battle: Parent vs. baby who is so tired they can't even fall asleep. And it's a miracle any of us ever survive. Here's what goes through a typical parent's mind while they're trying to get baby to go the f*** to sleep.

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1. She's so tired, I know she's going to fall asleep any minute now.

2. I recognize this crying. It's that kind of crying she does right before she drops to sleep. Aaaaany second now.

17. Jesus Christ, she won't even let me sit down for a moment! Not only will she not fall asleep, every time I take a break from pacing and bouncing, she cries again!

18. Why did I bother buying a rocking chair? What the hell is that thing for?

19. Maybe I should sing a lullaby. I bet that would help.

20. Who wrote this "Rockabye Baby" song? Those are some eff-ed up lyrics. Down will come baby, cradle and all?!? Hello, child abuse.

21. Oh, I get it. Someone who couldn't get their baby to fall asleep wrote this.

22. You know what? This is my life now. There will be no sleep again, ever. I'm doing this all night and into the morning. This is what I'm doing. I'm resigned to it.

23. I am throwing this baby out the window. Right now. This is a thing I am going to do.

24. They broke me. They finally broke me.

25. In space no one can see you cry.

26. Shit, we're out of tissues.

27. See? I suck. I don't know what I'm doing. I can't even manage this -- how will I handle everything else? I'm a total failure. I should give up now. I should hand this baby over to my sleeping spouse and just walk out right now. I'm doing more harm than good here with my negative energy anyway. It's over. I quit! I --

28. OMG, she's asleep! She's asleep! I did it! With my negative energy! I am the evil genius villain of parenting. I feel like celebrating. With sleep.

What thoughts go through your mind when you're trying to get your baby to fall asleep already?