Hello and greetings from me, Topher, and my wife and Bethany! It’s our pleasure to once again be guest bloggers for SGL. You might remember our last guest blog, 5 Secrets of Being a Great Gamer Boyfriend: A Guest Blog Post by SmartyFella & His SmartyGirlfriend. Since then a lot has happened and believe it or not, we tied the knot! So you might be thinking do things change now that you’re married? Do the same rules and secrets still apply? Well yes! The same secrets still apply but this time we’re going to share how they apply to being married. As your relationship grows and evolves, so does how you approach and handle things. Let’s get the ball rolling!

Secret #1

Zelda-themed birthday cake by Topher & Bethany Ellis

Photo: Bethany made Topher a Zelda Theme Birthday Cake.

A little goes such a long way. What does this mean exactly and no, I’m not talking about Charmin Toilet paper where less is more. I’m talking about the little things we think that aren’t a big deal. Now as a gamer, I completely know what it means to be caught up in a part of a game where you’re glued to the screen or where you’re just having so much fun you’ll pretty much ask for five more minutes whether your wife is calling you for dinner or the house is burning down (let’s hope not!). And for all you out there that play games that don’t have a pause button or pause function (e.g. League of Legends, World of Warcraft, some kind of online rank game, etc.), I know how tough it is to pull away from those games. So what does this have to do with the little things going such a long way? Instead of asking for those five minutes to finish your game or to get to a more convenient point to stop for a bit, stopping right then and there says so much more to your wife. It’s not always the task that they want done but the fact that you put something down that they know you love to do something for them. This says so much more. Yeah you might die in the game, you might lose some points or have to start the level over but those things are tiny compared to impressing your wife and showing her she is more important than winning. But once she knows that she comes first, she’ll be right there doing whatever she can to help you win and get the high score.

Secret #2

Topher Cosplay Costume as Pokemon Meme

Photo: Topher Cosplay Costume as a Pokemon Meme

Gaming can be very complicated. There are so many different genres and sub-genres of games that to someone who isn’t familiar with gaming could be completely lost. Bethany isn’t clueless when it comes to gaming and can tell anyone that my favorite games series are The Legend of Zelda and Final Fantasy but that’s probably as far as it goes and that means so much to me. I love that she tries to be interested every once in a while and will ask me questions here and there but one thing you should never do is make it a requirement that they know as much as you do about what you love. I’ll never know clothes, make-up and jewelry like she does and I for one hope she never expects me to know but I can time to time figure out what she likes and get her something based off of that. Don’t force your hobby on her and expect her to change.

Secret #3

Gamer Spouse Date Tophany

Photo: Bethany and Topher

Gaming posters have got to go. Now this might not apply to everyone but if you’re a hardcore gamer like me who loves displaying posters of all my favorite games and you’re wife… well… isn’t, you’ll know where I’m coming from. It was cool having all your posters up in your college dorm or your own place but now that you’re married, some things have got to change and sacrifices need to be made. Some things mean more to Bethany than they do me and one of those things is how the house if decorated. Long story short, I get the hang up posters in the guest/game room and she gets the rest of the house. Now you might be thinking that I got the bum deal in all this but honestly I didn’t. She gets to be happy and decorate the entire house as she likes and I get one room? That sounds awesome to me. She’s happy and I’m happy that I only have to decorate one room and that she’s happy. That’s a win-win situation in my book. Remember fellas, you want to make your wife happy. You love games but you love her more.

Secret #4

Sim Topher Selects Bethany Late Night Gaming

Photo: Late night Gaming but Bethany planned it

Late night gaming cannot happen every night. Like a lot of you out there, I work 40+ hours a week and she does too. And this one took me quite a bit of time getting used to. Before I ever got married, what I did at night was up to me and up to me only. If I wanted to stay up all night catching up on that giant list of games I have yet to beat than I was free to do so. I’m sorry to inform you fellas, once you’re married, that do as I please at night thing is gone. Now I’m not saying she owns you and gets to tell you what to do, I’m saying you need to think of her now. So this is how I worked this out with Bethany and it works out great! We try to plan out the week ahead of time. Not to the extreme where every minute of the day is scheduled but mostly just big things that are going on like work schedules, date night and guys, you’ll like this one, nights you’d like to stay up playing video games. If you plan it ahead of time, she won’t feel neglected and you won’t feel bad that she’s sad that she wanted to cuddle and you wanted to beat that part of the game you were thinking about all day at work. Some women just like to know that you’re next to them at night and they fall asleep easier this way. Don’t feel like she’s just trying to give you a bedtime. Plan those nights so it’s no surprise but also plan to go to bed when she does.

Secret #5

Photo: Topher and Bethany being ourselves

This one might sound familiar but it’s probably the most important. BE YOURSELF! She chose you. Bethany once said she was never going to date or end up with a gamer and years later she just happened to meet and marry me. Gaming is important to me but I’d give it up in a second for her and never look back. You know they’re the one when you can give up your hobbies and passions for her. But back on topic, be you. Be the nerd gamer that rants for ten minutes during the car ride about this awesome play you made in your game and she has no idea what you’re talking about. Be the passionate and enthusiastic gamer that lights up when you learn your favorite series are releasing a new title within the next two years. It those things that your wife loves to see. It’s those things that make her want to endure going in to a game store to find out what that game is that you want so she can personally surprise you with it. Guys, it’s also the same thing for you when you see her light up about her favorite things.

Photo: Bethany & Topher Ellis Spouse Team

Whether you’re a gamer guy, girl, or you’re passionate about anything. These rules apply. Taking the time to know, love and care for each other is what will get you from one day to the next. We’re not the same person we were ten years ago, a year ago, a week ago or even yesterday. We are constantly changing and will be changing even ten years from now. You learn to love that special someone over and over again every single day. And like they told me on our wedding day, for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, till death do us part, I will love her. I hope you enjoyed this! Take care and Happy Holidays!

SmartyGirlLeadership Media interviewed Caulder Bradford, Owner/CEO of Diverge Creations LLC, for his take on building a deliberate team with a shared vision while bridging the gap between artistry and commercial success.

Last summer readers received an exclusive interview with TED talker Guy Kawasaki on what makes a brand likeable.

This summer SmartyFellas and SmartyGirls are given business leadership tips from edgy, avant-garde, and likeable Caulder Bradford.

So imbibe your favorite non-alcoholic beverage or Harp’s lager and ponder these thoughtstarters from a young but wise CEO.

C: In the beginning I was collaborating with my friend Edmund, who is an artist and game designer, on small, fairly unconventional web games. He’d have the vision and do all the art and I would handle engineering. With those early projects I think it wasn’t so much the core gameplay that was revolutionary but the unique art and the way we implemented our ideas. Ed moved on to create commercial works such as Super Meat Boy and The Binding of Isaac, and I got more into engine and game tech development, and also worked in the mobile and social spaces for awhile, both as a contractor and also as part of several Bay Area startups. I’m now focused on my own projects under the Diverge Creations banner, as well as doing a bit of contracting & consulting for other companies.

How did you build support for you creative game development company?

C:I’m currently the only full-timer. The rest of my awesome team take on other projects 9-5. For some it’s a weekend project, working with me, and that’s totally cool. It’s great to work with talented people in any capacity and see them contribute to a project. So first, I had a clear vision to bridge the gap between art and business. Next, I found like-minded community: talented individuals who also believe being professional is a part of artistic integrity. Lastly, I invited those who were interested and a good fit for the team to join me.

Our team has a shared vision. This doesn’t mean we have the same skill set, and I think we are even somewhat different people in terms of interests, but as a creative force we fit together very well.

How do you communicate with potential funders who don’t understand the technology industry or the gamer artist community?

C: Funders do not have to understand the finer details of graphics engineering or our artistic influences, for example, to participate. Get to know us: what we have created in the past and who we are. We’re self-funded but I would be open to potential investors that trust us enough to stay hands-off from the creative process, and have faith in our ability to deliver a great product.

Can you give an example of sacrifices you’ve made to keep creative integrity?

C: You must decide for yourself what compromises you aren’t willing to make. That may mean declining potential investment offers that would derail the creative vision. As a result this will probably change your development time-frame. It will take longer but you will stay true to yourself and what motivates you.

How do you protect yourself and the indie company brand from burnout?

C: In contrast to some in the indie community who maybe believe it’s necessary to sacrifice a social life to succeed, I’ve found it’s really important for me personally to have at least some semblance of a work-life balance. Of course as the CEO of Diverge, I need to work much more than a 9-5 schedule. But I do take time away from the project to recharge. I do a lot of running, I check out concerts here in SF, work on my car etc. I find this prevents burn-out and keeps me motivated and enthusiastic about my business and my projects.

I make a point to network as much as I can and spend time with other artists & developers. I get inspired by just about anyone who is doing something creative and interesting with their life. I’m creatively influenced by all kinds of different sources, from music to film, literature, history, basically whatever. The idea of the reclusive developer, cloistering himself/herself in solitary confinement and subsisting on ramen isn’t exactly me. As a leader of a creative business you need to decide for yourself what kind of sacrifices are needed, and what you’re willing to do to meet your goals. Is creative control something you feel comfortable bargaining? How about the administrative control of your company? What would you give up for low overhead costs? Does the talent you want to attract require catered lunches? You just need to decide what kind of work you really want to do, and what kind of company you want to run, and then you need to stick to your guns.

What is a fun fact about you?

C: I have a pretty eclectic taste in music I suppose. Heavy metal is probably my main thing, but I like a lot of classical music too. I am especially fond of Wagner, Beethoven and Mozart. Amadeus (1984) is one of my favorite films, although I don’t think it’s too historically accurate…

Follow @caulderbradford for rants and musings, his bizarre Spotify playlist and updates on Diverge Creations’ projects.

Maybe today at noon, you use your work break to swim as physical therapy to heal your foot with the bruising and cracked toes.

Let’s say after you remove your velcro medical slipper and lower yourself into the water, leaving your crutches within easy reach a swimmer, your mom’s age, swims past and pushes you into the the pool wall.

You use your arms to paddle out of the way and under a rope dividing lanes. A man a bit younger than your grandpa asks if you can swim and if you’d like to take his spot. You answer, “F–, yeah!” and you exchange a fist-bump. This is for that kind of day.

Caution: The following humor is for a PG-13+ audience for strong language.

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