The Journey Of A Christian Reaching For God With The Aid Of Buddha's Teachings

If you have kept up with my blog, then I am sure that you noticed that I did not keep up with my Meditation Challenge for the month of May. You will have noticed that I stopped on May 18th after posting an article called “Why I stopped meditating: acts of rebellion + intention” and I haven’t blogged since. Well, there is a reason for why I stopped meditating and blogging and if you read the post on May 18th, you will have a good understanding why this was so.

I started blogging as a way to educate myself, as a way to show my journey as it progresses and to gain some small bit of happiness and clarity for myself. Over the course of my meditation challenge, the focus and reasoning of my blogging shifted from sharing my journey and having the aid of others in the cyber world to a chore that I felt like needed to be completed daily. I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want to meditate for those reasons. I want to meditate and post on my blog when I feel compelled to do so with the right intention. I want to blog as often as possible, but at the same time, I don’t want to feel obligated to blog. The purpose of my blog is not to see how many people will view it a day, as I have started to make it, but for me; solely and 100 percent for me to document my journey, to get others to understand where I am coming from and to aid me in becoming the person that I want to be.

I stopped blogging to come back to the original reasoning for my Christian-Buddhist Journey. I am finding this journey to be really interesting as I continue to meditate when I feel the need to. I find this journey to be really interesting as I am building my believes and understanding of the world. From this point on, I will not have a scheduled time to blog or specific things that I will blog about. I hope you find understanding and will find the need to aid me as I work through life.

– Meditating doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be more compassionate or loving, it just means you can call yourself a meditator.) (1)

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Instead of just writing the same old post about how I meditated today, I thought I would post an article I saw that one of my friends posted… The article is “Why I stopped meditating: acts of rebellion + intention”.

Why I stopped meditating: acts of rebellion + intention

“Meditator” isn’t a label I’d give myself, though I’ve meditated for years — in temples, on the bus, on cushions, in the tub, with and without formalities and teachers. (People who put things like, “And Joe has been a meditator for twenty years…” in their bios make me wonder. Unless of course, you’re a mediation teacher. But otherwise it doesn’t impress me as a pick up line, mostly because I’ve known some long-time meditators who were very cranky, or paranoid, or rude to waiters. Meditating doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be more compassionate or loving, it just means you can call yourself a meditator.)

But I then stopped formally meditating. Intentionally. Not like when you don’t go to the gym one week and then a month goes by, not that kind of slow halt. I actually declared that I would not sit in lotus or pick up mala beads, or watch my breath for, well, maybe forever. The very thing I was doing to feel liberated felt confining.

My practice — which was not that grueling to begin with — started to feel like one more thing to do. Meditation became an assignment and I felt I was being graded by an invisible monk. Polishing my consciousness, counting my mantras, strength-building — achieving. Meditating was becoming a way to reinforce my “goodness” — good at taking care of myself, good at seeking, good at being holistic, good at being good. And meditation was becoming a crutch for being “on”. Meditate before the gig, the interview, the meeting to make sure I was ON TOP OF IT. I felt pressured to meditate to relieve the pressure. From this frustration, a question surfaced: How present would I be if I didn’t focus on being “prepared”? I dared myself.

Some very beautiful things happened when I stopped meditating.

I learned to work without a net.

I learned that I am still loving and insightful even if I don’t pause for cosmic clearance. A deeper kind of strength came forth — calm, and ancient, and sturdy.

From my new vantage point, I could see with great clarity the essential reasons that I had meditated — and I gave myself permission to love those soul inclinations:

I meditate for comfort.

This is an admission of sorts that gives me great relief. I don’t necessarily sit to empty my mind, or to “grow”. I meditate because I deeply crave the comfort of connection with, if even just a taste of, The Mother of The Mother of All Things Ever. I crave The Spaciousness That Cradles, The Light That Burns Boundaries. I want to be home. This feels so good. I want to feel that good as much as possible. Yep, I meditate for comfort.

I meditate for disruption.

Sometimes I go digging in the back alley of my psyche just to stir shit up. I look for lurking fears and I turn up the volume on the critical tapes. I tend to do this when my psyche is like still water, just when things were going so well. I love this act of conscious antagonism. It shows me my power to heal, how far I’ve come, what monsters are still misbehaving at my table and who at that table needs more compassion.

When my meditation is an act of loving others, I get higher, faster.

The times when I devote a meditative session to someone/something else — whether it’s a string of mantras, or sending someone light while I’m sitting on a park bench — I get a rush of divine currency that is the yum of being alive. I like it. A lot. The surest way to experience oneness is to be the giver.

Intention is everything.

Meditation is an act of compassion for myself and others — when I come from a place of compassion. When I meditate to achieve, it’s a striving; when it’s to prove something, it turns into enduring. And when you’re in a place of compassion – you’re able to be more fully present with all of it — the pain and the joy, yours and others.

Sometimes, you need to stop taking your medicine to let your body heal itself. Sometimes, you need to pause so you can move forward. Sometimes, you need to turn away from something so you can see why you fell in love in the first place.

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I completed my meditation today early in the day around 9am. Since my Metta doesn’t take long to say, I first listened to the Metta video from the Current Challenge Page. I focused on the Pali words as I thought about each group of people from my Metta. Then, I read my Metta out loud while sitting in a traditional position. Then, I focused on each group and sent out loving kindness to all.

***Though, I did my meditation early, that does not mean, I cannot recite my Metta at other times. Today on my walk to work, I brought my Metta up on my cell phone and read it out loud. I figured sharing some extra loving kindness would help me to feel more loving and kinder while I worked.

“Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn’t anyone who doesn’t appreciate kindness and compassion.” – Buddha (1)

I enjoy the time I have just sitting on my bed with my eyes closed and getting away from the craziness of the world. It allows me some time to reflect on my behaviors and analyze how I allow others to affect my mood. Today, I sat on my bed after an inspirational work meeting and I realized that I am not as friendly as I had originally thought I was with people. So, I sat on my bed and spoke aloud so that I could listen to the compassion and loving kindness I was sending out to the world. After reading my Metta aloud, I thought about the people I had seen that day as well as the people I know that I do not get to see. Then, I took some time to go through my Facebook and remove the clutter of people that I do not know so that I could focus on maintaining a relationship with the people that mean the most to me. I have started going through my friends list in order to make a connection with people that I may not have spoken to in a long while. Even if it is a simple “Hi, I was thinking about you” or “love the profile picture.” This helps to keep the lines of communication open with the people I call my friends and family. No matter how far apart I am from my friends and family, I know that no distance will keep me from their love or keep my love from them.

“A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But, if these minds get out of harmony with one another, it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.” – Buddha (1)

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We are starting a new meditation today and I couldn’t be more excited. We are starting the meditation known as Metta, which means to cultivate loving-kindness towards oneself, then loved ones, friends, then strangers, then enemies, and finally towards all conscious beings. I have chosen to use the video below as a template for writing my own Metta. My Metta is quite similar to the video with some modifications to make it fit for me here and now. After finishing my Metta, I sat down in a traditional position and read out loud my Metta meditation (below).

My Metta MeditationMay I be free from hostility and danger May I be free from mental suffering May I be free from physical suffering May I take care of myself happily May my parents teachers, relatives and friends be free from hostility and danger be free from mental suffering be free from physical suffering May they take care of themselves happily May all meditators and people unknown to me in this world be free from hostility and danger be free from mental suffering be free from physical suffering May they take care of themselves happily May all my enemies, those who have hurt me in the past and those who have yet to hurt me, those who have hurt people I care for, either physical or mentality be free from hostility and danger be free from mental suffering be free from physical suffering May they take care of themselves happily May all beings all breathing things all creatures all individuals all personalities (all beings with mind and body) may all females all males all noble ones all worldlings all humans all those in the four woeful planes be free from hostility and dangers be free from mental suffering be free from physical suffering may they take care of themselves happily May all being be free from suffering May whatever they have gained not be lost in the eastern direction in the western direction in the northern direction in the southern direction in the southeast direction in the northwest direction in the northeast direction in the southwest direction in the direction below in the direction above whatever beings that move on water may they are free of mental suffering and hostility and from physical suffering and danger As far as the highest plane of existence to as far down as the lowest plane in the entire universe whatever beings that move in air may they are free of mental suffering and hostility and from physical suffering and danger. May we all live with peace and happiness in our hearts and share our joy with all beings all breathing things all creatures all individuals all personalities (all beings with mind and body) may all females all males all noble ones all worldlings all humans and with all those in the four woeful planes

May all be blessed…

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha