Thursday, May 09, 2013

Mamma

Mom, you are the strongest person I know. Life is difficult. You are the person who tries to keep everyone happy, but end up being the most lonely one. I admire you and respect you. I am thankful to have known you. Your voice was the first sound I heard in this life, and your voice is the prettiest. Time and life has taken away a lot from you. Your health has been struggling. For the last couple of years, you have been to the doctor almost every week to check up and stay healthy.

And two days ago you had a five hour long brain surgery. Brain surgery. To remove a tumor. Luckily it was benign. That day I was empty. I knew it was going to be different emotionally for me, but after holding myself up all day in the hospital and waiting, I cracked. The nurses told me that I couldn't see you until the day after. My baby brother was sad, so I had to cheer him up. Friends and family was calling and worried, so I had to cheer them up. For a moment I was forgetting about myself and just calming everyone around me down. I was telling them how you were OK and that it was only going to go up from now, but what did I know?

That day I came home, home to you. You stayed at the hospital. The doctors was saying that you were sleeping and that the surgery went good. I cleaned the house. Baby brother went to sleep. Then I went out, out for a walk, because I couldn't breathe. I was tired. My mind was tired. I wanted to hear your voice. I think I was out for almost two hours, just around the neighborhood.

Then all the sudden my phone was ringing and it said "Mamma" and we talked and I felt like me again.

thebookness is my blog. my space to share thoughts and be free. this blog has been used to share my daily life, but after a big break, i'm back to writing. writing is my best way to communicate and speak. my voice is low, but my hands are strong.