KILL ALL KEYBOARD POLITICIANS
June 27, 2016 10:17

AFTER LAST WEEK'S ENTIRELY SUCCESSFUL AND CONVINCING BREXIT BY BORIS JOHNSON, NIGEL FARAGE AND MICHA...fucking caps lock. Sorry. After last week's entirely successful and convincing Brexit by Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage and Michael Gove, the U.K. has been swamped by people on Facebook who have the answer for every fucking scenario in modern politics and are not afraid of banging on and on and on about it, using words and turns of phrase that they'd never fucking use down the boozer.

I've read comments and embarrassing status updates by people I know who are suddenly articulating themselves in ways they could never do in person, which is another way of me saying what I said about ten seconds ago. Bless them. Nothing wrong with that, but I'm just SICK and TIRED of it all. My motto in life is: Keep It Real. Anyone who knows me in real life will tell you that I'm ALWAYS shouting and swearing, listening to Ricky V, getting off with fit birds and getting trollied off of ecstasy E tablets down Club Fabric.

"Keep It Real."

I was saying to Draper last night that I'm getting SICK and TIRED of everyone on Facebook either trying to be the funniest about Brexit, trying to be the cleverest about Brexit or all of the circular, pointless bickering about Brexit and #JezWeCan getting fucked up the arse with no Vaseline by his colleagues.

Draper said, "Idiots need to be put right. The good thing about Facebook is that people are exposed to important information that they wouldn't search for themselves, and they wouldn't see on the news, but maybe need to see."

I said, "Mate, it's all disposable as fuck, like my long-running daily blog for Hotflush Recordings. You see a meme or someone's comment and forget about it as soon as you turn your app or computer off. I've never had a revelation or changed my mind about anything after going on Facebook."

Before he had time to prove me wrong, I stormed out of the kitchen, sprinted upstairs, put YouPorn on and had a wank over a pair of lesbians rimming one another. It was Pride weekend and I like to show my support for the things that people on Facebook seem to have forgotten about in the midst of the latest political foghorn.