Husband is Wasteful

Ok so I'm going to divulge lots of personal info but I really need advice. So my DH has to be the most wasteful human on the face of the earth. What I mean by that is money means nothing to him...if he wants three if something, he buys three. If he doesn't feel like shutting the lights off, they stay on all night...ETC. Together we make around $160,000 a year and in Chicago, we could live confortably with that but my DH puts us in a position where I have to be extremely frugal with our money. He was raised my his mom who taught him how credit cards are part of his disposable income and how to buy anything his heart desires. She is so far in credit card debt that we end up paying must of her monthly bills b/c her paycheck goes for monthly payments. I paid his 26,000 credit card debt off when we got married. Anyway, he has no clue about budgets and I have to spend my entire existence monitoring his spending and over usage of every single utility that he can run up. I have taken him to counseling and nothing helps. Our latest argument is over the fact that he wants to buy a new printer even though we have two other great printers, one is brand-new, because he wants to print from his phone ( which he had to get the new IPhone while I have no choice to settle for the free phone to balance out the cost of his phone). Anyway I told him if I see that ridiculous printer come into this house I will bash it into pieces because I just can't live anymore with his need for three of everything especially when we have our second child on the way. In closing, I need advice on how to deal with his immaturity on the subject of finances or should I just lighten up and not worry so much about money. I should add that I have complete control over most of the money and all of the bills. I give him 1500.00 every two weeks for his personal bills and expenses and still he ends up using a credit card or our savings. It's never an exorbitant amount but just enough to drive me nuts! Advice?

Comments (39)

Cancel and pay off all current credit cards. Have DH open credit card in his own name, only, not to be used for household expenses.

FIgure out how much household expenses are.. Set up a new joint account DH contributes half of household expenses plus $250 for unexpected expenses each month. You do the same. All household expesnse go in here.

You have a seperate account and DH has his seperate account to do whatever.

Notify MIL that in one month the $200 to help her pay her bills stops. DH can pay this out of his own money if he wants, but your family is no longer enabling her.

Tell DH this is the plan before you implement it.

Let DH suffer his own consequences.

That extra $250 per month is probably going to bail him out of a credit card delema.

My husband was similar before we were married (and I feel your pain on paying for the hoarding mil expenses....same here) so we agreed on a slush fund amount for him per month and set up an account in his name that has that overdraft protection lock on it (it rejects purchases that there isn't enough money in the account for). He couldn't be trusted with an emergency credit card so sorry but he didn't get one. After a few months he started to understand the whole budget concept and even started using coupons! Now we have a joint credit card that he carries and he keeps a post it note on it for the type of expenses that are allowed on it. Maybe let go of some of the utility wastefulness and focus on getting him to budget for the major purchases first and then work up to getting him mindful of the other things. Dipping into the family savings every month for personal spending is not cool. Would maybe moving that to an ING account or other account that isn't as easy to access help at all?

Thanks for all of your replies ladies! I especially appreciate those of you who sent your budget through the messanger. My husband agreed that we are both going to try one month of cash only which means he can buy whatever it is that he wants to buy with his allowance. This is a bit daunting for me though since I have to set up a very stict budget now in order to do this right. I'll let you all know how it goes!

Good luck! I hope it works out and if not, I would find a therapist who focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy for compulsive spending. However, he has to want to change or therapy is not going to work!

Everytime I read a post like this I have flashbacks to my first marriage. Should I have seen it coming? YES Did I think I could "help" him see the light after we married? YES Was I successful? NO Am I still married to him? NO

Once the stress got too much for me, I couldn't handle it anymore and we split up. Sometimes, you just can't change people, When my ex-DH told me that he was willing to work until the day he died in order to continue with his spending (as opposed to save some for retirement) I knew I had made a BIG mistake. I am just not interested in working until the day I die. When I'm 70, I just may want to sit around and watch TV all day - not drive through rush hour traffic for another day in the office.

This would drive me insane. I would also sell the first 2 printers, give him the money and his allowance can pay the difference.

DH has gotten onboard with me but his biggest struggle is when he sees money in the account. He doesn't think about outstanding checks or online bill pay that has not processed yet. He just thinks that we are rich. I have to pay the bills RIGHT when we are paid and constantly explain what the money in the account is for. If there is $4 in the account then he gets it, otherwise he thinks we magically brought in all this extra money ( which if we did it would be gone to, to DEBT).