If you’re expecting your first child, please be a diva. Act like a cross between Mariah Carey and Axl Rose because you can, and because it’s never going to be like this again. Allow me to illustrate:

First pregnancy: “Honey, can you please go the store and get me the lemon-flavored bubbly water – but not the kind from the corner store; I like the brand from the supermarket across town. I’m so exhausted from working all day, I’m going to bed at 7. Don’t make a hamburger for dinner either – the smell makes me want to hurl. Oh, and my mom will be coming by tomorrow to hang out and help me wash all the baby’s clothes.”

Second pregnancy: “Honey, can you watch him for a minute so I can make dinner? After bedtime I’ll be working on the computer for a few more hours, doing a few loads of laundry, and calling my mom to see how her back surgery went.”

That’s right – the pampering and attention that rains down during your first pregnancy is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Never again will people show so much interest in your body’s inner workings. Never again will they read every line of the BabyCenter e-mails you forward to them. Never again will they indulge your highly specific food cravings and aversions.

Of course other pregnancies are equally important, and they will be just as special to you, your partner, and your family and close friends. But the first pregnancy is just different.

A co-worker told me an illuminating story. She was on a flight, very pregnant with her first, and the flight crew and passengers practically fell over each other to help her. They brought her water, hoisted her bags, and gave her extra space.

Fast forward to a few years later: She was on a flight with her toddler and very pregnant with her second. This time, not only did people not help, they shot her dirty looks as she hauled her screaming toddler and their bags down the aisle.

I’m not sure why this happens. Maybe people figure you got enough pampering during the first pregnancy, or that if you decided to go for it again you knew what you were getting in to. Maybe it’s just hard to generate the same level of excitement.

Did you get the royal treatment during your first pregnancy? What about with later pregnancies?

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28 Responses to The first pregnancy is the best pregnancy

Ashlisays:

October 8, 2010 at 9:25 am

My boyfriend bent over backward to help me through the first two trimesters of my first pregnancy. Now that I’m ending the “honeymoon” part of my pregnancy (what a joke, I can’t reach my own toes) I’m being spoiled less often. Gone are the back rubs, the foot rubs, the “Honey, can I get you something?”

Maybe it will come back when I’m bigger?

Shantiquesays:

October 8, 2010 at 9:55 am

I don’t recall if there was a difference in how OTHER people treated me, but my first pregnancy was easy peasy bliss! My 1st trimester was more than half over before I knew I was pregnant, I had no morning sickness and I had just hit my lowest adult weight (right when I found out I was pregnant). I felt beautiful and sexy. Not to mention, hubby and I were living with his parents at the time to try to save money, but I was always the first person home. That meant all I had to do was let the dog out! Then I would curl up on the couch and SLEEP for 2 hours, in addition to my daily afternoon nap at work…my boss had a couch in his office and he was rarely there. Everyone else would get home and my IL’s would cook and hubby would clean up!

With my second pregnancy I was nauseous forever and I had not taken off the weight from the first (actually baby #2 was a total surprise since I was on the pill! I was not planning on any more kids for at least 4 years after my first!) so I was always in pain and there were definately NO NAPS available to me with a 1 year old running around (and sleeping in my bed with her feet in my face)…I was so excited to be going into the hospital, just so I could get some sleep!!!

Amy Graffsays:

October 8, 2010 at 10:28 am

Love this post, and it’s so true. I had the same experience with my first and second pregnancies. Now that I’m thinking of having a third, I know that I’ll get no attention!

I’m pregnant with my first and don’t feel as if I’m “entitled” to “royal treatment.” My husband is very caring and attentive, but I never send him out at all hours to fetch me things as if he was a slave boy. Sorry, but I’m a little tired of pregnant women expecting to be waited on hand and foot. Of course it’s great to get extra help, but this “I’m a special snowflake diva and you must pamper me” attitude isn’t another thing entirely, and it’s not pleasant.

Mandysays:

October 8, 2010 at 11:24 am

I completely agree. I see this everyday and I swear I don’t want my husband or neighbors to take care of everything… I just want a nap once in a while… haha

Triciasays:

October 8, 2010 at 11:55 am

I didn’t get any special treatment for my first pregnancy. No one held any doors, no special treats, nothing. I had always hoped I could act like a diva, but really, nothing was different than before I was pregnant. I seriously doubt it will be any different for a second pregnancy either.

SparkingBatsays:

October 8, 2010 at 12:18 pm

My husband doted on my through all 3 pregnancies, and the more children I had to look after WHILE pregnant, the more he pitches in around the house. I think the same can be said for most of my family and friends too. They recognize that it’s more difficult to get through the day with a preschooler and toddler AND being 8 months pregnant! And while I’m VERY appreciative of the extra care and attention, I don’t EXPECT it or demand it.

Physically my third pregnancy has been my easiest! No aches and pains, no sciatica, and I just generally feel better and more energetic.

I’m with SparklingBat, my husband and friends were a big help in both pregnancies. Complete strangers at the market gave me sympathy when I was 9 months pregnant and had a toddler.

I think a lot of how other people act is based on how you act. If you were a diva with your first, people get tired of it. If you only ask for help when you really need it, then people will respect that your first, your second, your third time.

ashleysays:

October 8, 2010 at 12:46 pm

I did not get any special treatment with my 1st pregnancy & absolutely not a drop now during my 2nd. Its ok. Somedays I would love to be able to take a nap, take a bath in peace but not at 10 pm after working all day. Oh and mostly, I would just love to be able to have my morning sickness pukey face alone. Not with my 1 y.o. trying to stick her hands in the toilet. When I was pregnant with #1 we were also living with our inlaws so I had very little to do. I worked 9 hour days at a bank on my feet so I usually crashed within an hour of getting home. My husband would pick something special up for me if he was already going to the gas station. Lemonade and cheetos anyone? This time he understands I am too exhausted to cook dinner every night. Not to mention 90% of all food smells make me nausea. We eat lots of take out or I split soup with my daughter. I’m hoping this will be the last tiem I am pregnant. I’m exhausted just thinking about what its going to be with 2 kids. I also can not wait to be in the hospital so I can sleep even just a tiny bit!

Victoriasays:

October 8, 2010 at 1:46 pm

I loved BOTH of my pregnanices but for different reasons. The first was just super exciting because it was all new. My husband had a flexible job so he was able to help more when I was sick (and tired), especially in the beginning. I developed siatica with the first pregnancy and my mobility was restricted as a result, I gained lots of weight and had very little energy. But, I did enjoy the experience and people at work and strangers were very kind to me.

During the second pregnancy, my husband had to work a lot more and I had a child to care for. I didn’t get as much support from home, but I had energy to spare and I didn’t have morning sickness!!!!!!!!! I FELT FABULOUS. I was so active during the pregnancy and only gained about 20lbs. So, I was on the go and had the drive to do all that I needed to do. I LOVED how I felt and people were very happy for me; especially since it was so hard for us to conceived the second baby. Both pregnancies were AWESOME but were very different.

The exception is when you’re pregnant with twins the second time around. Oh, and have a deployed husband. People have come out of the woodwork to help me, and believe me- I’m so grateful because I need it!
But yes, I’d have to agree with previous comments that it was a lot nicer having morning sickness alone than having my 1 year old stand and watch. Although, he did say “bless you” when I was done, so maybe it was better he was there…

Susansays:

October 9, 2010 at 11:44 am

I really hope the first is the best. My daughter is going through this alone. Her boyfriend died and she is 8 months along. I hope she can enjoy the baby when it’s here. I hope she doesn’t get postpartum blues. Right now, I’m working on a baby shower for next weekend and she buried her boyfriend yesterday so if you have any ideas, it would be appreciated. Thanks

kellysays:

October 10, 2010 at 6:27 am

I am 18 weeks pregnant with my first, and am not getting pampered at all. My husband has decided to remodel the house for the baby, so I am left washing dishes bent over the bathtub, and if I ask him to get me something, forget it, by the time he gets it, I would of already gotten it, ate/drank it, and thrown it away! I wish I could have some pampering, to go one day without doing laundry would be heaven!!

Charlottesays:

October 10, 2010 at 8:53 pm

I had a great first pregnancy and while we were all super excited, I didn’t NEED the pampering. My second pregnancy was awful and I was sure pampered! I wished I didn’t need to be pampered but it was terrible. And people actually felt bad that I had to chase a toddler on top of it so they were actually very helpful and interested.

Dejasays:

October 11, 2010 at 12:56 pm

Well no one knew I was pregnant with my first until I was 7 months, so I didn’t get much pampering, or even a baby shower. Now that I’m pregnant with #2 I hope I’ll be able to get a bit more help- a 3 year old running around and maybe even a baby shower (although I need a lot less things this time!) I’m hoping my second pregnancy will be the best.

Beckysays:

October 12, 2010 at 7:02 am

I’ve only been pregnant once, but I know it will be harder the second time around. With my first I became anemic right away and had no energy at all for the first trimester. I hope it doesn’t happen again because I will definitely not be able to do all that extra sleeping! That having been said, there was not a lot of pampering going on. I had no cravings (which was apparently a disappointment to my hubby) and little nausea and was happy to eat whatever he wanted to if he cooked. Really the only thing I took advantage of was not lifting heavy things. I did not even try, which at first felt like a put-on and later in the pregnancy it was an absolute necessity.
And your friend’s experience flying probably had more to do with the fact that she was flying with a toddler than that she was pregnant. Babies and small children strike fear into the hearts of childless people who will be sharing space with them for a long time.

J.T.'S MAMAsays:

October 12, 2010 at 8:19 am

M y first and SO FAR only pregnancy was extreamly easy, (Please nobody hate me after reading this). In January of this year I went to the hospital because I was throwing up and was really dizzy. After being in the E.R. for about 45mins, doing test and taking samples of everything, the nurses rush me to the womens center. I start freaking out thinking I’m gonig to die or something.
After being in a “birthing room” for about an hour with my wonderful husband, the doctor finaly arrived to take me to ultrasound. He didn’t tell me why but winked at me.
They started the ultrasound and all of a sudden I saw a almoet fully developed baby.
(Mind you at this point I had no morning sickness, I was loosing weight, and no I hadn’t had my period but I have, at this point, missed periods without being pergnant for right at 10 years.)
I was told that I was 5 months pregnant and I had missed all of it!
Needless to say the rest of me pregnancy was extreamly easy also. Over all I had lost 20lbs, gotten sick twice, worked up until two days before he was born, in labor for 8 1/2 hours, walked the day after me C-Section and I would do it all over again in a haert beat, just not yet, I’m still going to pick up my birth control next week!!!!

J.T.'s MAMAsays:

October 12, 2010 at 9:15 am

I actually got really annoied with all of the help that I had received. No one and I mean NO ONE would let me do anything. Yes I worked full time but I felt great! I wasn’t allowed to cook, clean, bathe anything. At work I couldn’t even vaccuum. My boss would yell at someone else to do it for me. Mind you I have been on my own since I was 15 and done everything for myself, but I mean let me do something!
My husband would let me do somethings but I would still have to sneak to cook something or get something to drink.
I went into “MOMMY” mode at about 6 1/2 months!!!
I would rather do anything but sit on my BUTT!
At least I get to do plenty of running around now that I have a crawling 4 1/2 month old!

Foxsays:

October 12, 2010 at 10:26 am

Well, my first pregnancy was a little difficult. I didn’t find out till 3 months in or so, but I got VERY pregnant and very huge. It became hard for me to stand up for too long or even make it through a grocery store. I almost blacked out from exhaustion once. Sadly my boyfriend still didn’t see a need to get a wheel chair for me while I was pregnant. I didn’t really get pampered like I should have from my boyfriend, though I was pampered a lot when I was with my friends. I understand that some women feel that they are entitled to the pampering (and for good reason, they are). Your body is creating life! It’s so fantastic and phenomenal that you are carrying a tiny little life inside you. Why shouldn’t you be pampered? Your body (whether you can feel it or not) is going through hell for this little creature and giving it life. You don’t have to act like a diva about it, but you are very much entitled to being taken care of and relaxing as much as possible. I know my next pregnancy is going to be better, I know what to expect and I know that I’m going to be more taken care of (or else!) this time around.
So ladies- yes, you deserve to be well taken care of no matter which pregnancy you’re on. You deserve it and you are entitled to it! Pregnancy is a remarkable thing.

micsays:

October 12, 2010 at 4:07 pm

Well, if I’d offered to help with the bags or the screaming toddler she’d have shot me a dirty look as if I were a thief or kidnapper, and curtly said “I can handle it” – so what do you want me to do?

This is my third pregnancy, but first baby I will have as I have had 2 miscarriages quite far along.

I can honestly say my husband is wonderful, he does everything he can and then more, not that I ask him, he just does it! I honestly find my “friends” very uninterested or helpful as they either have had their own kids and have this attitude of their kids are better than everyone elses, their pregnancy was so difficult, their birth was so difficult, or on the other extreme I have friends that don’t have or want kids and are subsequently not interested -period!!! My work has been very unsympathetic, very discriminatory almost, making me fly often, not allowing sick leave on the occasion I have been sick (have had to take personal leave) not allowing me to take maternity leave that I wanted etc. Make me carry heavy laptop and sales material everyday!!!

So in general apart from hubby and close family, life carries on as normal! BUT in the end I am being blessed with a beautiful daughter at last this Christmas, have had a very smooth pregnancy compared to my others, and to friends, and am so grateful. I can spoil myself!!! Who cares about everyone else?

nikonajdsays:

October 13, 2010 at 5:53 am

Boy is this true. I was never a diva with high demands, but I did ask for help the first couple weeks as I was having a 2nd c-section,a toddler I wanted to make sure I didn’t neglect, and knew I’d need help being able to get some sleep. Everyone promised to take days to help, no one showed up. NO ONE. Not even our Mom’s! No one came over to see the baby or visit. It was like a non-event to everyone outside our house. The first time held a lot more excitement. I really resented the neglect I felt for my second baby. It was close to Christmas and everyone was too busy, and didn’t make the time. He was exciting to us, though, and is a pure joy in my life. Equally as much as it was the first time.

Nicolesays:

October 13, 2010 at 8:08 am

Thank you FOX! I totally agree with your comments. Women go through such an amazing transformation and not to mention torture with the changing hormones. You have another life growing inside of you and using up all of your energy stores. Many women work while pregnant and for those women who do, kodos to you! YOU should be the ones who are pampered! I worked up until my water broke! I have only had one pregnancy and it went so well but not due to any discomfort. I did not have morning sickness (thank goodness) but I was hurting. What made everyday worth it was a husband who would massage my feet, legs, and head. He pampered me because I DID DESERVE IT! Again I was the one who was making a little human body. So those who say we don’t NEED the pampering, I say we do. After the baby is born, all the attention is turned to the little one.

Kellysays:

October 13, 2010 at 3:54 pm

I find this topic interesting to talk about. I have one baby who is almost 7 months old. I did receive a lot of attention in terms of nice compliments like, “you are so small, you are just a little basketball.” I admit I loved it! ha! I did however work on my feet most of the time up until 5 days before the due date. I never asked my husband for massages, or to make food runs. I continued to live just as I did before, working, cleaning house, doing laundry, yard work etc. I did not expect special treatment. I do realize that my future pregnancies will never be like the first one and I will miss that part, but it will still be just as equally special. I actually get a lot of attention now with my son, everyone stops for a mom pushing a stroller, it’s awesome! People are more likely to hold doors open too when they see you carrying an infant car seat. Another reason why I never wanted or expected special treatment was because growing up as kids we were never doted on. Our parents pretty much expected us to toughen up as if we were boys.

Mariesays:

November 9, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Hahaha this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read! I worked 45 hours a week till the last week, and not once have I gotten an offer of a massage or trip to Duane Reade from my husband. Even when I ask. He hasn’t touched me sexually or kissed me since I got pregnant-even though I did not start showing till after the 5th month. He promised to come to my last dr. Visit and pre-blood work appt but his Job is more important. The dr wants me on bed rest for this last week and he does not offer to make dinner put away the dishes or even make the coffee. I know he loves the baby, but I also know he does not love me as he does not adore me at all. I get so depressed reading about all these other women and how happy their husbands are that they work 60 hrs a week do all the chores, pamper their wives and are pleasant to boot. My dh just yelled at me cause I bought more pre natal vitamins since I will only need them for a few more days. I know he is going to probably land me back in the hospital a day after my csection. Since one big no no is chores. He also keeps telling me how I am “on vacation” for 3 months! I am so happy and can’t wait to meet my baby, I just wish my husband loved me and found me attractive. I feel he is just with me cause I am nice, his family likes me, I work full time and pay for 1/2 of everything, I have our whole family under my health insurance and I cook clean do the dishes make the coffee and put away the laundry. And he still complains. I can’t even stand to look at him right now.

Irinasays:

January 20, 2012 at 12:45 am

Oh apparently they shoot you a dirty look the 2nd time around because they thought you might have learned your lesson by now, but no. Happens with me all the time and I had multiples the second time around!

kaylasays:

June 12, 2013 at 10:04 am

How true is this! My first pregnancy, my work, fiance & family tried to cater to my every need! I am 6\2 months with my second & a have a 14 month old that is very big for his age (already wearing 3T clothing & grew out of diaper sizes. We actually had to switch to the OS birth-potty training cloth diapers!) I got almost no extra help in the first four months except for my fiance changing the poopy diapers (we use cloth & wash them ourselves) because he didnt want to clean up vomit & poop twice a day. (i also didnt really show until my 5th month,so it wasnt as “real” for people. With my first, i started showing at 3mos.) After i hit 5mos, the baby had a growth spurt and went from measuring 5months to 7months in the span of 1month. Needless to say, my back was KILLING me and i could have used all of the extra help in this pregnancy more so than the first. All i had to take care of in my first pregnancy was my dogs & giving my nephew & father rides to work.

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