Workplace Affairs

Q. I am afraid that my husband is having an affair with a co-worker. He makes excuses to stay late at work and came home one night smelling like perfume - one that I don't wear. When I questioned him, he just denied it and refuses to discuss it anymore. How can I know for sure if he is having an affair, and, if he is, what should I do?

A. Well a sure way to find out if he is having an affair is to ask him. If he denies it, then you may have to do some detective work. Unfortunately, office romances are common. Men and women who are spending up to eight hours a day with each other begin to form a relationship, a work relationship that is. Not every work relationship turns into a romantic one. People in the workplace get to know one another through working long hours together, collaborating on team projects, interacting and sometimes traveling together. This unavoidable contact on a Monday-through-Friday basis can lead to a close friendship.

Unfortunately, some co-workers can relate better to each other than they do their spouse. At home they may have to hear about the kids, bills and household chores not being completed. Their co-worker may offer to listen and most of the time can relate or empathize with them about the stress at home or problems with their spouse or partner. These friendships can lead to strong emotional attachments and can slowly turn into more and lead to sexual relations. Most of the time they truly do not realize how emotionally involved they have become with the other person. However, this is absolutely no excuse for their behavior.

Some signs of a workplace romance include:

Late-night meetings. If all of a sudden your partner has to work late all the time, this could be a tell-tale sign, especially if they have never had to work late before.

Clothes smell of perfume or cologne or have unexplained stains.

Leaving the room to take phone calls at an unreasonable time in the evening. Unexplained calls and hang-ups.

Your partner begins to exercise excessively when exercise has not been a part of their daily routine.

Using the computer with a demand for privacy or being preoccupied with online chatting.

Loss of interest in sex. You and your partner have had an active sex life and then all of a sudden it dwindles or becomes non-existent.

Tension in the marriage or relationship. You and your partner are having more arguments, which you feel he or she is instigating in an attempt to create turmoil in the relationship.

If you think your partner is having an affair, it is important to keep notes on what you have found or seen. When you feel it is the right time, confront your partner. Write down the questions you want to ask, and then sit down with him or her in a quiet place with no distractions. Keep in mind that your partner's first line of defense will be to deny it, but do not let this discourage you. Continue to ask questions, and sooner or later the truth will reveal itself.