I want to know you inside,
as if I made an autopsy to find
how your veins are perfectly displayed
to clog the flow of your blood
on all the entrances to your heart.

If you looked at yourself
from the outside and saw your focused stare
out the car window as we drive
through the night, and the way
you try to catch the kiss I sent,
drifting on little breezes, like a cat
attempting to entrap light,
I’m sure you’d also give your best
to make you see
how easily it is to be
captivated by you.

You simply need to
slowly
unveil yourself to the world,
and it will embrace you
before asking
“what took you so long?”.

Meanwhile, you have my hands
as a support, my chest
as a pillow, my legs
as a blanket and my lips
as a shelter where you can scream.

I think autopsy in the 2nd line is a bit clumsy, but I can't think of a suitable replacement...I loooooved the ending stanza I think the end is usually your strong point but this one seemed particularly poignant to me, Andre. This is a new one, yes?

__________________

Quote:

Originally Posted by captainsnazz

That's some nice hair you've got there.

I'm watching you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BottleOfSmoke

If I was a rich man in 17th century Britain, I'd totally adopt Alec and make him my heir.

Well, after reading it again today, the only line that seemed a little off was the very first one, but I dont think it's a big deal or could be changed for the better. This is a great piece, not sure how it could be improved. Thanks for posting it!

Alright. I've read through this one a few times, and I like it pretty well. The "autopsy" part doesn't bother me, in fact the first time I read it my response was, "oohh, clever." So I wouldn't change that. However, I wasn't a fan of the last 4 lines of the second stanza. It felt like it was building up, but ending it with "captivated by you" was just a weak ending. So I guess maybe it's just that line that I have real beef with. Overall, it's pretty good though!