Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I poked around a little today to see if the biggestlittle.com domain is available. It isn't. Not that I'm planning to leave Blogger anytime soon... I just like the idea of a short URL. Someday. A girl's gotta have her dreams. Anyway, looks like there are plenty of good alternatives. I can't decide between BigSlacks.com and MyLargeLittle.com. I'm also just a little disturbed that BigSkirts.com is the second most expensive domain name available. I've been having fun thinking about what that logo might look like... which is to say nothing of the product offering.

Monday, January 28, 2008

I'm not what you'd call a real "Politics Junkie" (is anyone ever called that?), but I did watch the State of the Union address last night. I'm happy to report that the the state of the Union is strong and that we will totally prevail/conquer/score in the sports analogy against terror. What I'm less than thrilled to report is that both the Vice President and the Speaker of the House were clearly bored throughout the whole address. Nancy Pelosi and Dick Cheney were BOTH thumbing through some sort of book during the President's speech. In fact, almost everyone in attendance had a copy of this mysterious book! I did some digging last night and came up with the following explanation (click to enlarge):

Not surprisingly, 98% of attendants described the State of the Union address as "inspirational" and "heart-warming."

Saturday, January 26, 2008

I'm not going to pretend I was Heath Ledger's biggest fan. I wasn't. I don't believe in that whole, "I was Heath Ledger's #1 fan but I only realized it just now because he died" thing. I still maintain that if Eddie Vedder had died in 1995, Pearl Jam would be hailed as the Best Grunge Band, not Nirvana. But I may be biased. Eddie and I are close.

Anyway, regardless of my ranking on Heath's fan list, his death has given me pause. I've been thinking about the fragility of life on earth and about how unfair it is sometimes the way the cookie crumbles. I'm sad it had to be Heath... but then I'm glad it wasn't someone else, you know? It's harsh, but it's reality, yo. So, after a good 4-5 days of reflection, here's what I've come up with:

Monday, January 21, 2008

I just joined a new gym and it's only $10 per month. I don't know about you, but I had never heard of such an inexpensive gym membership. I did belong to the "wellness center" at my workplace and paid just $15 per month, but I only used it once. Somehow, the idea of working out with coworkers was less than appealing. I don't dislike my coworkers at all, but there's something... I don't know, highly unprofessional about getting sweaty together after a long day at the office. Or worse... would my reputation as a hard worker be damaged by spending a measly 15 minutes on the eliptical and then calling it a day (Not that I do that, I'm just saying)? Plus, there was always the chance someone would interupt my podcast with something like, "So, how about that new banner campaign?" None of these things ever happened (including the getting sweaty), but it was enough to keep me away from the "wellness center" for nearly four months.

Anyway, when I heard about the $10 gym, I thought, "What's the catch?" You can only work out Mondays and Thursdays from 8-10am? It's strictly boxing? It's an outdoor setting? I had to know. So, I checked it out and it seemed totally normal. Friendly staff, clean equipment, convenient location, normal hours, no boxing. So, I signed myself up.

Today, I found out what the catch is.

--

Call me crazy, but I wear a bandana when I go to the gym. Styling my hair is not a priority when I work out and without proper styling, my hair tends to misbehave (see previous post). So, I rock the bandana. I have about a dozen of the things, in various colors and fabrics and sizes. I think they're cute. They're certainly more attractive than the spiky bangs look I get otherwise.

Planet Fitness thinks my bandana is "intimidating." Apparently, they have an unpublished dress code that includes the following restrictions:

1. No jeans2. No boots3. No bandanas

Okay, I totally understand the first two. Jeans are not only terribly uncomfortable to run in, they restrict movement and thus, could prove dangerous. No boots. Duh. They probably include this rule for the one Tool who wears his construction boots in the free weights room (sneakers are for sissies). Whatever, I understand that one. But bandanas?

And it gets worse. After offering to fashion the offending garment into a headband, I was informed of the Addendum to Most Inane Dress Code Ever: 3.1. No Headbands. Also considered "intimidating."

Now, there may be a few readers out there I've never met, but for the most part I think we can all agree that when it comes to physical fitness and the public practices thereof, I am perhaps the LEAST intimidating figure imaginable. Bandana or no bandana. One glance around the gym and you'll find FAR more intimidating things than my hair accessory. Inappropriately short shorts over inappropriately absent underwear? Check. Enormous meathead in Spandex sqatting one million pounds? Check. Yet it is my HEADBAND that intimidates the good people of Planet Fitness.

I was annoyed. No, I was furious. But I didn't want to fight. As ridiculous as the policy is, I certainly didn't want to intimidate anyone by pulling my hair back. So, I just hopped off the machine and headed for the door. My 15 minutes were up anyway.

p.s. I think I know what the new dress code for the U.S. Military WILL include.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

When you have a friend who is an unrepentant hypochondriac, you are constantly saying things like:

It's not your prostate, Emily.No, I don't think you can get a tapeworm from Grape Nuts.Just because you couldn't think of your cousin's name, doesn't mean you have Alzheimers.It's impossible to O.D. on anti-oxidants.

So, when your hypochondriac friend tells you she thinks she has cancer, you quite confidently say something to the effect of:

You don't have cancer. Look, if you have cancer, I will shave my head in solidarity with you during chemo. Okay?

---

Thankfully, Emily is incredibly forgiving and understanding... and she's just as vain as I am. She isn't going to hold me to it. I hate to admit how scared I was when I realized (weeks after the fateful offer and the unexpected results of her tests) I might have to follow through. I considered never mentioning it again. I considered going through with it. I finally settled on NOT going through with it and mentioning it.

Me: So, you remember how a couple of weeks ago, I said that if you really had cancer...

Her: Oh gah, you're not really going to do that, are you?

Me: Ummm, don't I have to?

Her: No. I wouldn't do it for you.

And that was all I needed to hear.

It seems horribly unfair, though. She clearly has the superior head of hair. I've thought about shaving my head a million times, thinking I'd rather just start over than try to make sense of this crap. While Emily has thick, shiny, luxurious locks that look good even after three days of no washing, I have the hair of a Chinese Crested. But I guess cancer doesn't really care how rad your hair is before it decides to take up residence in your ta-tas and start blowing stuff up.

Emily, if it were possible for you to outsource your side effects, I would totally take that one. Like Carrie Underwood says, "It Shoulda Been Me." I don't think Carrie Underwood actually says that, but it seems like something she'd say, doesn't it?