I had this sent to me being that my 1st- a boy just like me is due in Aug/Sept.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...(HONEST AND NO KIDDING)

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-oldie'* voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to raise a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) does not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it'* already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR'* do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a six-year-old is wonderful...

26. Loose gravel in the driveway, and neat hubcaps with artistic holes are an open invitation.

27. Gravel wedged through artistic hubcap holes damage disc brakes.

28. 2 1/2 cups of sand from the sand pile will fit down the bathroom sink drain.

29. Everything larger will fit part-way down the commode.

30. 3-year old children can cover 4 blocks in 10 minutes without any oversight.

34) Rust remover tastes terrible
35) Kids instinctively know every pressure point on the human body.
36) Kids like causing pain.
37) A five-year-old is heavier than you would think.
38 ) Herniating a disc is easier than you would think.
39) A penny dropped from the Empire State building will not kill a person.
40) A penny fired from a toy plastic-disc-shooting-gun really hurts.
41) Garbage disposals will only handle so much.
42) Garbage disposals are hard to extinguish.
43) Once a child learns how to balance on a bicycle, every solid object in your neighborhood becomes a magnet for three days.
44) "Childproof" isn't.
45) Kids are like cats, if a door is closed, they want to be on the other side.
46) Kids always know where you hide your keys.
47) Your kids are better at hiding things than you are.
48 ) Pets should not be hidden for extended periods of time.
49) Hamsters have very short lifespans.
50) Never forget, YOUR KIDS ARE SMARTER THAN YOU ARE. + =