Zionist animal spies

Sometimes I close my eyes and wonder if all the wild accusations against Israel are really true. Has the unresolved Israeli-Arab conflict really exacted an unconscionable toll in American blood and treasure? Is the Zionist conspiracy to control the world real? Is Israel really the only thing that stands between humankind and world peace? Have I been hoodwinked by what seems like a normal life, among normal people, in a country nominally recognized by the United Nations of Planet Earth?

And then I look at what Israel’s enemies actually accuse it of. In December, Egypt’s Sinai riviera suffered a series of shark attacks which they accused Israel’s Mossad agency of unleashing to hurt Egyptian tourism. (Watch the Colbert Nation report here.) And earlier this month, a vulture with a GPS monitor chip on its Tel Aviv University leg tag inspired Saudi Arabia to conclude that the vulture was a Zionist spy. (Again, Colbert covers it here.)

As Stephen Colbert warns, “I say we keep an eye on the Israelis. Arab governments have already proven they control the fish of the sea and the birds of the air. It’s only a matter of time until they get the beasts of the land, too. Pigs, you’re the only ones we can trust.”