So you started dating someone you like, and everything is going great. You and your boyfriend are making plans to make your relationship exclusive, and then all of a sudden this happened. You boyfriend got a call from his ex. After having a conversation with his ex, your partner tells you that it messed up his head, and he’s no longer interested in continuing the relationship with you. He said that he decided to get back with the ex who has hurt him badly, and if it doesn’t work out, he will return to you again and make things as they were. You feel blindsided and confused whether you’ll keep dating him or break up with him or, you’re willing to give him some space and time and get his mind right.

Incidents like these are pretty common in relationships, and results are often mixed. Sometimes getting back with your ex, and sometimes it doesn’t. And in the mean, you also ruined the relationship with the new person you’ve been dating. In this situation, what will be the best course of action here?

First, let us clarify that our advice should not be taken personally. It can take people a long time to get over exes. And if that ex keeps pulling you back or you keep thinking about him or her all the time, it will get even harder and longer. Your exes can mess up your heads. Whenever your current partner decides to return to their, and they tell you that they aren’t sure about it, believe it. The truth is there’s no absolute way to know what’s going on with him. It’s uncertain whether their exes will take back your current boyfriend, or whether you’ll be ready, in case, to take him back, if it doesn’t work out with their exes. Therefore, let him deal with his stuff. You, meanwhile, be kind to yourself. We understand this is one big unfortunate event in your life, and you’ll feel bad for some time. Dealing with a break up is very, very hard, and it’s fine to allow yourself to feel miserable for a while.

But, keep in mind; don’t ever feel bad for feeling bad. You’re grieving the loss of your relationship as well as sulking about all the joy, happiness and the hope it gave you. So, if your thinking of binge watching all the movies you like alongside a bucket of fried chicken, or a huge tub of ice cream, go for it. If you begin to criticizing yourself for feeling upset, tell yourself that, “It’s okay to be sad. We all feel sad sometimes. It’s challenging and painful, but it’s temporary, and it will pass.”

Most of us assume that if we suppress or withhold our feelings and emotions, it will go away. But it’s not true, and it doesn’t work like that. When you allow the disappointments and frustrations to exist only, rather that hiding it, then coping with it becomes much easy and makes you more patient.

Meanwhile, being kind to yourself doesn’t just mean watching TV and indulging in snacks. It also means taking care of yourself like working out, eating healthy, being physically active by playing sports, taking yoga classes and so on. Physical pain and emotional pain are synonymous. So if you take care of yourself physically, your mental problems will be solved too. If you can do that, you may start to think about whether you are ready to get him back. After all, it’s your life and you’re in full control of it.