Anything

by: Andrea Gibson

tonight i wanna slit my wrists
hold the blood to god’s lips and say taste this
tonight i could swear even the man in the moon
is a rapist
and stars are nothing but scars
bullet wounds from humanities drive
by firing at the face of the sky
tonight crying would be too easy
it would please me too much
and no i don’t want you to touch me
cause your hands are clean
and i’m filthy
guilty with the blood of something beautiful
all over me
i’ve been weak and leaking so much poison
in all the rivers around me
the fish are dying
and the trees are vying for some light
but i’m the eternal night
writing rhymes about wind chimes and world peace
while even in my sleep
i’m fighting wars that grind the enamel off my teeth
and i wake with my jaw clenched and my body bent
thinking how many dishes have i broken this week?
in an attempt to not break myself
by taking brutal belt to my hide
cause it’s hard to wanna survive
when i know if ghandi were alive
… he’d shoot me
and all the great therapists of this world might say
girl maybe your anger is good
maybe your rage
is you emerging from the cage of everything you’ve been
so i try to be zen singing mantras of
om mani padme hum
but god fears me too much to hear me
and my heart beats another kid in the candy store
and his mother calls the cops
and every time the clock tics
i start tic tic tic talking more shit
my voice sounding the crucifixion of everything holy
i’ve got blisters on my tongue
from pounding nails into hearts of prophets
and just when i think i can stop it
satan resurrects inside me
and everything around me turns to hell
last night i stole pennies from a wishing well
to buy rope
to lynch the last inch of hope from the planet from the planet
and all
because you have a new girlfriend and i can’t stand it
and i know it doesn’t make sense
i know we decided to be just friends
but i didn’t think we’d be just friends forever
i mean…
i wanted to be eighty together
wanted to birth poems like babies together
and watch them grow up save the world
cause girl
you’re the only one who could ever raise the sun inside me
and i swear the ground beneath my feet
is only soft because you walk beside
there were times i thought i was so lost
even god would never find me
and then you came up right behind me
and kissed a cross onto my back
and its things like that that got me going crazy
cause i was thinking maybe the breaths we’d take together
would make us live forever
and now you’re killing me
look at me i’m dying
not even trying to evolve when
i wanted to be there forty years from now
when the doctor called to say
your mother might not make it another day
and i wasn’t gonna be just ok
i was gonna be perfect
was gonna make my love feel
like the first time you rode your bike without training wheels
kneel before you every day
like there was no one else before you
cause i’ve heard your heart beat
like that breeze that could bring any violence to its knees
and the best lines i’ve ever written
i plagiarized every word from the thoughts of yours
i heard while you were just sittin in silence
staring up at mars
but you never wish on shooting stars
you wish on the ones
that have the courage to shine where they are
no matter how dark the night
no matter how hard the fight
and how now do i turn away from that light
when i wanted to be eighty with you
birth babies like poems with you
and let them write themselves
wanted to hold your heart to my ear like a sea-shell
til i could hear the tides of every tear you’ve ever cried
then build islands in the seas of your eyes
so you’d see there’s land to swim to
hold your hand and say storms are born
from the same sky we write hymns to when the sun shines
sometimes it takes tempests to wake rainbows
that will wind our pain into halos
was gonna carve your name into my wrist
so my pulse could kiss you
was gonna love you so well
i’d wake every morning
and tell you things like this…
bliss is the moments you’re with me
when your gone my life hurts like hell
but i’ll do anything to make you happy
even if it means setting you free
to be with someone else