Holy shit. Remember that time you had faith in people? Well, it was unmerited and undeserved, because—like a modern day version of the Rumplestiltskin tale—just hours after Adele popped out her kid, Twitter trolls went after her and the baby for literally no reason. Not that there would ever be a good reason, but you know what I mean. One Twitter user, @PerfFemale, wrote: "Aw Adele gave birth to a baby. Is it fat and handicapped lol? Just murder it already lol." The account was promptly deleted. Meanwhile, a tweet from another user ("Adele was pregnant? I thought she was fat") was retweeted hundreds of times. What the FUCK, humanity. Get your goddamn shit together. I'm tired. [Telegraph]

"It's a bit startling to achieve global recognition before the age of 30 on account of your sister, your brother-in-law and your bottom," writes Pippa Middleton
, sister of Her Majesty Princess Shinyhair Wrap Dress of Wales, in her new book Celebrate: A Year of Festivities for Family and Friends.

She goes on, "I certainly have opportunities many can only dream of – but in most ways I'm a typical girl in her 20s trying to forge a career and represent herself in what can sometimes seem rather strange circumstances." (My favorite review of Celebrate: it's "perfect for anyone who needs a recipe to make ice." SICKBURN.) [People]

Michael Lohan is seeking a conservatorship for Lindsay Lohan, but not with himself as conservator, because then everyone would think he was pillaging the smoking, dead land of his daughter's career/reputation/extensions for cash. Instead, he's asking the judge to appoint someone to the thankless task: his only condition is that it's not Dina Lohan. If the request is granted, Lohan's first move will be to send LiLo to rehab, citing previous failed attempts at Cirque Lodge and the Betty Ford clinic: "She went in dirty and didn't come out clean." Which sounds weirdly sexual. [TMZ]

"Taylor had her love goggles on" might be one of the least surprising and most on-point things you'll hear about Taylor Swift, ever: the phrase is being applied to her pre-Kennedy dalliance with One Directioner Harry Styles back in April. However, Taylor's psychic told her she was gonna get hurt by the man in her life (dude, ANYONE can be Taylor Swift's psychic) and, sure enough, a Google search turned up photos of him making out with some model. [Radar Online]

Chace Crawford, best known as "I Am Kind of Drunk, Are You Zac Efron," tweeted a series of bittersweet photos from the Gossip Girl wrap party. In most of them, everyone is covered in cake, probably because they're used to people feeding them, like petting zoo creatures. XOXO. [Daily Mail, Twitter]

Dolly Parton is open to doing The Voice, SHE SAID LOUDLY SO THAT NBC COULD HEAR. [W.E.N.N.]

James Franco has found time in his schedule to date Pretty Little Liars star Ashley Benson. They went hand-in-hand to the L.A. Haunted Hayride, which is totes mcgotes the place you go when you want to show everyone you're Officially Going Out. [Page Six]

Jessica Biel's ring is mildly extravagant? By which I mean NASA is currently pondering what to name the new planet on Jessica Biel's hand. [Just Jared]

The Situation went up against some "anti-fat cream" company he was supposed to promote, who turned around and filed a suit against HIM for ignoring his duties as the face of the brand (and supposedly because of his prescription drug addiction), but eventually they settled out of court. What the fuck is anti-fat cream? [TMZ]

Russell Crowe brought out the Twitter crazies after tweeting his support for President Obama. [News.com.au]

Kim Kardashian wanted a proposal on her birthday, but Kanye West is also occupied with the election. [The Sun]

Speaking of the dude, Obama says he gave Jay-Z great parenting advice: specifically, help Beyonce out. [People]