Gary Brown: Parental advice, warnings can get confusing

Monday

Mar 31, 2008 at 12:01 AMMar 31, 2008 at 9:54 AM

Early in my life my parents began passing on the knowledge they had gained about the world, which is why the other day I found myself observing “if it’s not one thing, it’s another” when dealing with multiple household breakdowns.

Gary Brown

Early in my life my parents began passing on the knowledge they had gained about the world, which is why the other day I found myself observing “if it’s not one thing, it’s another” when dealing with multiple household breakdowns.

Then I dismissed all of the tribulations with a shrug and the words “when it rains, it pours.”

It has always intrigued me how parents can come out with the most absurd and trite statements and make them sound original, profound and significant.

That’s why, the first time that a father chastises a giggling youngster by saying, “In a minute, you’ll be laughing out of the other side of your mouth ...,” an incorrigible young boy might actually think his father is encouraging him to laugh out of the other side of his mouth. He might scrunch his face up as though he’s letting out, say, a left-side laugh, instead of the right-side laugh that had caused the problem in the first place.

He might do that once.

Don’t ask me how I know.

Early warnings

The meanings of so many of our parents’ statements are learned by trial and an immense amount of error.

If a boy’s dad hears him having fun past bedtime, and yells the question, “Do you want me to come upstairs and quiet you down?” for example, the child might be stumped initially for an answer. He might think, “Well, it’s always fun to play with you, Pop” or “I don’t know, what would you rather do?”

Therefore, there is the unfortunate and potentially painful chance he might answer, enthusiastically, “Sure, Dad, come on up!”

More children would understand the system of parental threats from the get-go if fathers would just word them correctly, by shouting, “You don’t WANT me to come up there ...” and listening for the silence.

Inherent confusion

I don’t know if there is any clear way to word some of the wisdom that parents attempt to pass on to their offspring.