Reading this post has really given me a proper wake-up call. I have a tendency to procrastinate because of all the tasks I set myself up to do, and because of how exhaustive the list is, I leave it till later- thinking that ‘later’ I’ll be focused enough to tackle all of them. Turns out two hours later I haven’t even started and I’m going nowhere. This has happened many times and I feel frustrated because it’s as if I never learn! Reading posts like these from time to time really help as a reminder that I cannot do everything even when I want to believe I can. You guys have totally captured my whole situation, which makes me feel a little bit better that I’m going through this on my own. Thank you very much, your work is greatly appreciated.

You totally got it right with the people pleasing aspect there. I think a lot of people get caught up trying to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or offending them, that they take the non-confrontational approach and just take on far more than they can reasonably handle. By doing that, it just puts more stress on top of an already full plate, and is asking to be toppled. It’s not the easiest thing to do to tell people no, but I’m getting a bit more practice at it, and putting my needs first before believing I can help anyone else.

I like the idea of this, but when you have a full time job with long commute and two kids, are you talking about picking 2-3 things on top of all the requirements? As in what to do with the remaining say 2-3 hours per day? It just seems so hard to pare down when most of what is being done is completely necessary. Even cleaning is a necessity. Otherwise I would let all the house go for days on end (I have tried this incidentally ) and it was a disaster!

@Andrea: Several research studies have shown that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead, they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?”

Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. I think this is one of the most common problems with a lot of time-management advice; too often productivity gurus focus on how to do things quickly, but the vast majority of things people do quickly should not be done at all.

With that said, you are right – paring down to 3 daily focal points isn’t easy. My suggestion in your case: Be extremely specific about your 3 daily focal points (knowing what must be done), getting things done, and then using any ‘spare time’ to handle smaller miscellaneous tasks, like cleaning the dishes, etc. Of course, I wouldn’t get carried away with the miscellaneous tasks. In other words, don’t stress yourself out with the unimportant things.

@Everyone: Thanks so much for the encouraging words and insights. I’ll be back later to read and respond to more comments.

As you said in the post, we are always caught in the vicious cycle. Earlier, my days used to spend while searching on the internet and reading some random stuffs. After looking the whole day, I didn’t find any flow for the entire day. It was quite depressing. Now, I try to implement by structuring them in a proper manner.

Ya, we need to say NO to some things in life. Otherwise, our plate will be in a messy position. We won’t be able to handle all the stress.

The cosmos seems to be determined to help me get healthy. This is exactly what I’ve been starting to address in my life. Especially not being able to say no. I’ve spent the last year recovering from a breakdown brought on by overwork, which I was using to cope with a relationship crisis, which could have been avoided, or at least minimized somewhat by being able to say no, combined with a chronic health problem. I have been unable to do all but the most essential activities. Now that I’m on the mend and feeling better, I see that the “Sure, I can do that/help with that” response is bubbling to the surface again. So far, it’s been a series of small, doable commitments, nothing that’s been much of a problem. However, in the enthusiasm of being able to help, I forget that because of my illness I have a much shorter daily “functional” period than I used to. That means that getting these small things done for someone else by their deadline cuts into the limited time I have for my own priorities and commitments, and throws me into a mini crisis mode. Not healthy. Helping people is something that’s important to me, but I’m working on ways to keep it from constantly disrupting the balance that’s so important to keeping my life in the healthy range, both physically and psychically. This post is a great addition to the other resources that are showing up in my life to move me into and help me stay in the healthy zone. Thanks for the help and encouragement.

Isn’t it funny we have these labor saving things today and we still do too much, want too much and say yes have too much and still can’t manage our time? I could blame my mobile phone and the internet and debt t.v etc, but really i am the one in control or not in control. I think I need to reign it all in… i accidentally left my phone at home the other day, it was like some one had cut my arm off – i felt lost all day. I can’t believe how we get caught up in all this mindless stuff and demands and too much information etc, etc. I don,t know what the answer is, for when i take control i am this freak then i need to let go and it all turns to jelly, help meeeeeeee.

What I’d add to it is addressing the ‘selfishness’ that comes with this simplification. Sure, people might not like hearing no, and they might expect more of you… But ultimately, you’ve got to take care of you first.

You’ve got to be a little selfish in life because nobody else is going to be doing it for you. Try to let go of what other people will think of it, and just realise you’re meeting what you need. 🙂

Yes, be careful of the “Full Plate” Scenario.. By having it you run the risk of neglecting the needs of those close to you… Spouse /Children/ETC. The trouble is you may not notice the Neglect you did until it is too late. Now that I am retired and have lots of time on my hands, and I reflect on how stupid I was in not knowing what the important stuff was when the important stuff needed me…You cannot turn back the clock. This life is a One shot Deal.

Love this post. Sometimes i overwhelm myself when i know i don’t have to. I try and make everyone else happy and never say NO. I put so much on my plate and half of it is not really that important. This page is my therapy 🙂 Thanks!!

Great article and very timely in my life. You always provide such wonderful insight. I am trying to figure out how to apply this concept of 2-3 things to my work day when I currently do much more than that every day, at least 5 things of which are required. Can you elaborate on how to simplify work responsibilities? Thank you for all you do for us.

Hi Marc, my plate is full but it’s 90% full of things I enjoy. I’ve eliminated (and strive to do so on a daily basis) all the Shoulds, all the Yes-es that feel like No-s, all the politically correct, the family correct, the Just in case, and I sleep 8 hours every night (I was a marmot in a past life)…and it feels great.

This has always been something that I have struggled with. My year off on MAT Leave was the best year of my life. My plate was never full, and I had lots of time for the important things.

However, I returned to work this January and STRUGGLED. Not only did I resent losing time away from my baby, I also failed to find time to do things that I used to enjoy, like creative writing.

Luckily, we are now in a position where I will soon be only working part-time, and I CAN’T WAIT. There’s no doubt, it will be a bit of a sacrifice, but the upside is I know I will be a much happier person. I’ll have more time for the things that are truly important to me, and overall less stressers in my life.

For us, it’s just re-evaluating what we can do to truly be happy. Yes, more money makes life more comfortable, but not necessarily happier.

Great post. I have the opposite problem. Due to circumstances, I find myself with much time on my hands. My plate is empty. Sometimes it is very hard to actually do the things I need or want to do.

I hear your voices in my head all the time. One day at a time. I am working on doing things, and putting things on my plate, one at a time. I just need the umph to get it done. Stop thinking about it, and just do it.

This is certainly something that applies to me from time to time. I always hack everything back and get it back to simple and then, little by little, I realise I have piled it on again. And then the cycle starts again. Thankfully, the older I get, the wiser I get and the more simple I keep my life. Great post.

@Wes: I think my comment to Andrea above is relevant to your question. The key thing to remember is that paring down to 3 focal points a day is NOT easy. If you can’t immediately figure out how to do this in your life/job, don’t let that defeat you. Think about the principle instead. The principle is to simplify your schedule by eliminating as much as possible of everything that is not essential to your primary objectives. I hope this helps.

@Everyone: As always, I am inspired by your thoughts and willingness to share with us. Angel and I truly resonate with many of your ideas, stories and struggles. Thank you for being such a positive source/force in our lives, and in our work.

Wow! I wish I had read your post 6 years ago. My life was crazy trying to do everything and please everyone. I didn’t stop that behavior until I was diagnosed with cancer, which forced me to stop so I could get better. I learned my lesson the hard way. Hopefully others who read your post will take notice and change their priorities before they get sick.

Now that I am well, my number one priority is me. Everyday I schedule plenty of “me time.” Although I do not focus on three things daily. Mine is more like five, but I will do as you suggest.

I really appreciate all your posts and suggestions and pass them on to others.