Born in 1980, more questions than answers

Crouching Pussy Hidden Dragon

It’s all in the perception.

I have been pathetic. People admonish me I’m ‘hard on myself’ but sometimes you have to be. What is this self-imagined depression that I have cloaked around myself? There are some heartbroken people in this world who still manage to be glorious.

Why not me? Why have I let this one vague romantic disappointment de-colour my world so badly?

Too much time on my hands. Too much time in my head. Too little for this razor-sharp brain to cut through that it invents stuff to slash which only serves to slash me.

Nothing is wrong with me apart from laziness and fear. Today I preferred to spend time idling in a coffee shop staring at the rain and the women lamenting that I’ll never be a real lesbian rather than come the fuck home and attack my to-do list (which has nothing do do with being a lesbian but hey there are OTHER THINGS in my life).

I preferred to stand rigid and wonder and watch and panic rather than DO.

No more.

Life is slipping by and I want to catch some substance in my net before I gasp my last breath.

Anyone who feels immobilised, remember this one thing:

if you wait for inspiration to strike before you act, you might be waiting a long time. Acting, starting, moving – that’s what transforms that tiny little flame into fire worthy of a dragon’s ROAR.