We must learn to punish from Hashem; Hashem’s goal in punishment is neither torment nor revenge. Anytime Hashem punishes, His objective is to stimulate a process of correction. Hashem’s way of punishing is comparable to a washing machine: Even though the washing machine soaks a garment, whacks it hundreds of times and spin dries at head-spinning speed, the washing machine has no intention of tormenting the garment. It only does what’s necessary to cleanse the garment.

When we punish a child, punishment should be corrective and educational, and not a punitive one. Cruelty, anger and a desire to make the wayward child suffer do not lead to the child’s improvement; to the contrary, parental venting and other negative measures only encourage a child to revolt

Good points and positive reinforcement work so much better than deterrents and punishment; the latter is a last resort when every other mode has been exhausted. Overlooking a child’s negative points and disregarding reasons to punish are healthy for all in the long run.

Rebbe Nachman says that when a child learns to do good, the bad falls by the wayside.

This is geared to children but is true of any relationship. Focus on the good and encourage more of it:

If a child failed his maths test and comes home with 50% correct, the parent should first look at the 5 out of 10 questions the child succeeded in answering correctly. “These 5 answers are fantastic – and I see the questions were tough” is the reaction of a wise parent. By delving on the child’s good points, the child will feel much better about himself. The parent will likely see steadily improved grades on future tests, since he is actively building his child than breaking him.

Rebbe Nachman said education should be ‘neither kisses or slaps.’ Even if a kiss is a type of reward, and a slap is a form of possibly justifiable punishment, they are not effective types of reward and punishment. They encourage indiscriminate displays of emotion rather than using one’s brains. A sincere compliment, praise and a warm smile are worth much more than a kiss. As far as negative reinforcement is concerned, any form of punishment must be constructive, educational and the product of intensive forethought.

The more a person has self-discipline, the more efficient and successful, he’ll be in life. Self-discipline means that a person adheres to the regimentation he sets for himself, adhering to the principles he knows are right. This means being on time for prayer, study or work and being resolute enough to repel the Evil Inclination’s assaults on temptation.

An educator (parent) must conduct himself like a merciful shepherd. King David was attentive to the weak lambs in his flock, ensuring that they ate the soft grass before the stronger sheep entered the pasture. He would fence in the mature sheep until the lambs have eaten, leaving them the stiffer grass. In the same way an educator must provide each child with what he needs. Uniform methods might work in the Marine Corps but they don’t work in child education. Each child needs a different approach. Sounds impossible? Who said that child education is easy? The responsibility is prodigious. The educator must tend to the special souls that the Almighty has entrusted in his hands for safe-keeping.

This story is the best of the lot. It’s well worth the 1 and half minutes it takes to read it. Enjoy!

This is story about businessman, who although he was successful was very abrasive in his interpersonal relationships. In short he was miserable.

He planned to buy the entire 17th floor of the Azrieli Tower, a prestigious skyscraper in Tel Aviv but a big business deal of his went sour. He bought some land in Romania, that he was promised was zoned for construction, but infact it was zoned for agriculture and it was a bad investment.

He lost all his wealth and fell deeply into debt. Looking to borrow money he was directed to a loan company on the 17th floor of the Azrieli Tower. He entered the loan office, signed the papers and got the cash he needed. Before he left the building, he decided look around a bit and went on the roof to admire the view. When he got up there, the door quickly slammed closed behind him and he couldn’t get out.

Thinking quickly he started to throw 200 shekel bills down on the pedestrians below. Surely this would attract someone’s attention and they would look upwards to see where the ‘manna’ was coming from. But no, the money was gleefully swept up but no-one bothered looking upwards. He had dumped his whole loan on the street below, and not one person had bothered to look up. It was getting cold now, and he was getting desperate.

Stuck in a fox-hole, he called out to Hashem. His heart-felt prayers reached Shemayim and an idea was planted in his head. There was a lot of gravel on the roof and he decided to throw some of these stones off the roof, and this time people did look up. Soon the police arrived and although he talked them out of arresting him, he was still in a sorry mess.

He went home, sat down and began to think. When I threw money down, no-one paid me attention, but when I threw stones down, everyone looked up. He realized that this was an allegory for his life. When Hashem showered him with riches, he never once raised his eyes to him and thanked Him! Only when Hashem grew “gravel” his way – did he remember to raise eyes to G-d.

The businessman felt a strong desire to repent. He pleaded with Hashem to forgive him for all the years he had been so ungrateful. He thanked Hashem for the invaluable lesson He had taught him. He sat and thanked Hashem again and again for his life and all the goodness that Hashem gave him.

In a short time, he received a phone cal, informing him that his land in Romania had been re-zoned for construction. He became a billionaire overnight!

A heavy bus lost control of its brakes on the slope going down to Beitar, in the Judean Hills south of Jerusalem. Miraculously, the bus didn’t hit anything on the way. Eventually, it crashed into a car that a father and son had exited just minutes before.

‘How did you merit this miracle?’ they asked the father, whose life and the life of his son were miraculously saved. ‘I listen to Rabbi Arush’s Torah lessons and always thank Hashem. In this merit, Hashem performed such a miracle for me,’ he answered,

A person who thanks Hashem constantly experiences miracles all the time.

I met a person who told me about a 45-year-old man who lived in his neighbourhood. He was well-liked by everyone, had a pleasant nature, enjoyed helping out, and greeted everyone with a smile. But for some reason, he had not yet managed to find a wife. The entire neighbourhood prayed for him and looked for a suitable match for him, but to no avail. Then somebody brought him my CD, Stop Crying.

He listened to the CD and started thanking Hashem every day for a full hour: ‘Thank You very much, Hashem, that I still have not found my marriage partner. This is certainly the very best for me. I thank You for holding off my match until now, because You do only what is the very best for me. Nothing can be better than this. I thank You with all my heart and am happy with everything that You have done with me until today.”

Within 2 weeks, he found his match. Once again, such is the power of thanksgiving.