Geraldo Rivera can’t reach The Door fast enough

The Door in our newsroom: preserving journalistic history, as well as restroom privacy.

As predicted, after posting last week’s edition of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), members of the media are once again hounding us for an exclusive to what Geraldo Rivera called “Possibly the most important contribution to journalism since I opened Al Capone’s Vault. Except this time we already know opening it will lead to the toilet.”

Morley Safer has resumed the relentless faxing of his booty, threatening to continue until “YOU CRACK and I am given the EXCLUSIVE! Or my next scheduled proctology appointment, whichever comes first.” Barbara Walters is once again leaving angry phone messages, including just a few minutes ago when she whispered, “I will Bweak you, and that’s a pwomise.”

And as I mentioned, Geraldo Rivera is now after an exclusive and has been attempting to infiltrate our newsroom by using his investigative journalism skills. In one attempt, he disguised himself as a construction worker to gain access. He would’ve made it if not for “Misty,” our observant receptionist, who stopped him for an autograph when she thought he was one of the Village People. Since last Tuesday, we have thwarted no fewer than six attempts by Rivera to reach The Door — including trying to tunnel in from the sewer. Frighteningly, he made it to within only a few feet of The Door but came up short, breaking through the restroom floor while “Joe” was on the commode. Being trained journalists, we quickly surmised that two men screaming in the bathroom meant something was wrong.

Needless to say, we remain on high alert here in the newsroom as I bring you this week’s entry. For those who might be stumbling into The Door for the first time, at least in terms of finding this blog, you should know each week we feature a clipping from among those that reporters have been pasting to The Door since the 1970s. Each is an example of print journalism “Shame, Blame or Brilliance.” But mostly the first two.

As always, before we reveal this week’s clipping, we must all join hands and, in a monotoned voice similar to any member of Will Smith’s family after watching Miley Cyrus, repeat the following chant:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

Today, we are featuring one of the oldest clippings on The Door. It is from 1973, and is what we call a “wild photo,” which is a photo that runs with a brief description beneath it instead of a full story. In addition, it usually includes a catchy title as well. In this example, which I consider the epitome of the term “wild photo,” the title only makes things worse…

Sometimes, a picture isn’t worth the thousand words…

At this point, it’s probably best that I don’t offer any additional commentary.

The Scout Motto is: BE PREPARED which means you are always in a state of readiness in mind and body to do your DUTY.

Be Prepared in Mind by having disciplined yourself to be obedient to every order, and also by having thought out beforehand any accident or situation that might occur, so that you know the right thing to do at the right moment, and are willing to do it.

Be Prepared in Body by making yourself strong and active and able to do the right thing at the right moment, and do it.

My wife and I came up with possible career scenarios he may have pursued: T-ball stand, water witch, golf instructor, mobile hand rail, coat rack… there’s no limit to his potential. It’s easy to pitch a tent with him; all you have to do is have him lay down, then throw a tarp over the top… 😉

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I've been a journalist and humor columnist at the Siuslaw News for 16 years. I'm also a volunteer firefighter. If the newspaper ever burns down, I will have some explaining to do. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

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