Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Between the ages of 21 and now (58) my weight has varied a lot. I've been 100 lbs, I've been 220. Now I'm at an all right weight; my doctor is reasonable (maybe her being female has something to do with that, I don't know) and realizes that a post menopausal woman who's struggled with weight literally her entire life isn't, nor should be, 98 lbs. She'll be satisfied, as will I, if I lose between 15 and 20 pounds. I'm working on it and already have lost a few. I'm not "on a diet" but watch I don't overeat, eat small meals throughout the day, protein, lots of iced drinks and water, of course no sodas. Just basic "works for me" stuff.

So, I've been all these contrasting weights all my life, and no matter what my weight, someone, somewhere, always had a comment to make! Sometimes, even strangers! I was too skinny: what's wrong with me, I need to put on weight, I'd look better and would have boobs if I gained weight, etc. Or, I'm too fat, what's wrong with me, why don't I lose some weight, just use will power, etc.

Weight. Something others feel is perfectly acceptable to comment on, even if they don't know you (though whether they do or not is none of their business.) Weight. Something that is always, always, never good enough. If you were a size 20 and got down to a 12, not good enough. Someone else will come along and tell you, unasked, what they think of your weight. A size 5, too skinny, not good enough.

Now I feel pretty comfortable although I want to lose and that's my own business. I'm not depressed about it or beat myself up. And -- maybe this comes from age -- when someone does make a comment about my weight I say, politely, it's none of their business, and I ask them why they're concerned. That usually shuts them up, after a few stammerings about "just trying to help" and "concerned about your health," etc. Sometimes it's a "Wow, don't be so defensive." Feh. You brought it up.

I just remember that, no matter what weight I or you may be, there's always someone who thinks you're not the right weight. You can't satisfy everyone, and you shouldn't try to satisfy anyone, except yourself. :)