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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

As part of our on-going research into what makes things funny (and because it was a slow Friday night), John and I recently decided to test the effects of alcohol on humor writing. To save both time and Arbor Mist, Iwas elected test subject. (Even the fumes get me tipsy. It's pathetic, really.) John then showed me Wrecks, took notes, and laughed at me. A lot.

Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Here are the "official" results:

After five sips:

Subject response: "Talk about your seedy humor: I've heard of calling someone a melon-head before, but this is ridiculous!" [attempts to high-five official note-taker] "Booyah!"

What the heck IS that last "cake" (and I use that term loosely)?? It looks like someone scraped the bottom of their garbage can and put it on a plate. With little sausages (or are those fingers??) on top. Absolutely disgusting!

Sausages, bananas, prunes, peppers, etc on cake? WTH? I don't even want to know. No, wait a minute, I DO want to know - can you tell us the story behind this one? Is it a cake revenge story? Trying to make the neighbour's dog throw up story? What?

I actually thought that first one was kind of cute, but then I haven't had any alcohol yet. If I had, I would have spat it all over the monitor when I saw the "panties" cake. So funny! Would have given it up forever for that last horror, assuming that it was a figment of my booze-addled imagination! What on earth did the customer request?

Ok, I think the panties cake is actually a cupcake cake and trying to mimic a heart...although without the usual pink/red heart motif. Otherwise, if those are panties, that is gonna be some bachelor/bachelorette party! You may want to try partying with them. As for the last monstrosity, I am at a loss for words...*shakes head*

This is why I don't drink. Thanks for drinking for me. Let's hope it's worth the hangover.

The first cake looks like Cling and Clang from H.R. Pufnstuf. The last "cake" - I've got nothing. It's just so wrong in so very many ways. I do think it's funny that, in my head, your hurking sounded just like a cat-hurk.

What on earth was that last one? It looked like--at dead minimum--it had slices of jalapeno pepper around the sides. To say nothing of whatever the, um, vertical structural elements were. The thing that's scary is that, looking at it, you know the maker had a plan. You suspect the maker might have been an Alien.

I'm just picturing what went into making that cake. Two cake decorators walk into a grocery store. One blindfolds the other, spins him around a bit and says "Ok, now the first thing you touch goes on our cake."

Blindfolded decorator wanders over to the fruits aisle where they're having a sale on dried prunes. He knocks into it, toppling the entire display over.

Then they alternate crushing some jalapenos, a sausage display, etc until they have everything they need for their "perfect" cake.

Arbor Mist? Well. Aren't you hoity toity? For a science experiment of this nature, I'd think Boone's Farm or Mad Dog 20/20 would be more in order. But then you have to go all high falutin and hit the Arbor Mist? I am so disappointed.

I find that when I write while intoxicated by Patron that the quality of my writing goes up, while the quality of my grammar and punctuation ability goes down. So later, when I'm sober, I have to go back over it to fix all the redundancies and punctuation errors. But the alcohol makes me less afraid to say what I really want to say, especially when writing fiction. Maybe this is why so many writers become alcoholics! At least I'm not going "Hmm...I need to write something, how about a shot of tequila" it's more the opposite..."Hmm...I've had a shot of tequila and am feeling feisty...how about I write?" :D Better than getting into some kind of trouble!

When I clicked on the picture of #4, the name included "state+fair". I have a feeling that one really isn't a "Wreck" by definition if it was included as a state fair entrant for something (and I don't WANT to know what!)

One of your most hilarious posts ever. I must disagree with your conclusion. Arbor Mist seems to make the subject more funny...I think you need more testing though. Perhaps it's John's turn to be the subject.

Okay, so... could the person who submitted the last cake please stand up and tell us what the heck it actually is, or what it's made of? All I see when I look at it is some kind of alien larvae. Ewwww.

As a "fruity" wine drinker myself I wanted to pass a delicious wine flavor on to you...its called "Bare Foot" flavor is White Zin. Its not dry or bitter - very smooth - and can't beat the $6 or $8 price (and it has the cutest little pink baby foot on it!) Also - I am new to your site (thanks to Sleep Talkin' Man as they have your site as one of their favorites) and I absoutly LOVE your site!! I read your "fireman" story and forwarded it to my husband - we were crying with laughter!! Thanks for the much needed joy!!

Cake #4 reminded me of one of my favorite dishes in James Lileks' The Gallery of Regrettable Food (one of the funniest books I have ever read); a picture of that entry can be found on the first page of the chapter "When It's Strictly Stag". Look up the book in Amazon and browse through the "Look inside the book" feature. Unfortunately Lileks' hilarious description of the dish isn't included on the site.

That last one looks like it has a wide assortment of fruits and vegetables in various stages of dessication, plus whatever those erect things in the middle may be (sausages? chocolate-covered bananas? really ugly cucumbers?).

So my best guess is that it's one of those special cakes that zoos make for star animals when they want to celebrate something like Milo the Tortoise's 400th Birthday. Probably incorrect, but I've got to come up with some theory that will let me hold on to my sanity.

"Arbor Mist? Well. Aren't you hoity toity? For a science experiment of this nature, I'd think Boone's Farm or Mad Dog 20/20 would be more in order. But then you have to go all high falutin and hit the Arbor Mist? I am so disappointed."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BTW, that last cake is probably a birthday cake for a dog. Or a bear. Or some other carnivorous animal.

There is something sprinkled around the last cake that may be oats, but at first glance they looked like *ahem* "acorns" [read Corn Nuts] to me. That, in turn, made me think of the infamous Kwanzaa Cake.

I believe the last cake is actually a perversion of a perversion [said Kwanzaa Cake].

Where did that last one come from? There's a competition at the Iowa State Fair (and, presumably, other fairs) every year for the last 10 or 15 for "ugly cakes." Originally, it was intended to be cake fails- ones that collapsed, or didn't decorate well, or whatever. But kids started entering with truly unappetizing cakes- diaper cakes, toilet cakes, draped in anything and everything totally disgusting. This looks like a perfect candidate for that category.

That's a Meat Cake (very popular here in the carnivorous Midwest). It most likely has layers of meat, veggies (hopefully roasted) and some kind of potato. A friend made one for her hubby's birthday and even frosted and piped edges out of mashed potatoes! It was AWESOME. It didn't look nearly as nasty as that thing!

I just want to know what bakery did that last cake because I'm going to avoid that bakery like it's the plague. I mean seriously a cake with sausages, prunes, bananas and all that other fruit/veggie combos ... that's FRIGHTENING!

As for myself~~~well, I may not be "free," per se...but I HAVE been known as a cheap drunk. HARK! Did someone mention Boone's Farm...?!?!We used to freeze it in the bottle...Ahhh, those WERE the days...=^=.=^=

Ok that poop village cake at the end would make me swear off cake for years! I also wouldn't go near the person that ordered it for whatever occasion. And the second cake looks like flames are chasing after either balloons or weird kite like objects.. I fear these wreckerators really I do lol.

My interpretation of that second cake is as follows: "Anyone who puts peanut butter frosting on white cake is headed straight to Hell. HELL, I TELL YOU!!!! H-E-L-L!!!!!!! MWA,HAhAhAHAHAhAhAHAhahAhahAHAhaAHAHahAhAha... etc."

Well, THAT didn't work. I was trying to share a lovely picture of a GARBAGE SCOW on the Hudson River, but it didn't work. And I SWEAR it looked just like that "?" cake!Google "garbage scow" and see for yourself!>^u.u^<

I'd have loved to see the one with the probably choc-covered bananas in higher resolution. I'm thinking maybe the mystery things around the borders are dried fruit, so it might actually taste better than most of the sheet cakes that happen at work.

I'm pretty sure the sausage/tomato/jalapeño cake was not intended to be eaten. It looks for all the world like an avant-garde art installation created as commentary on the gluttony of Western society...or something.

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What's a Wreck?

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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