Does anyone have any good advice for when problems with other students makes training feel bad?

First, my dojo situation: it has three "branches" that meet at community gymnasiums in different areas, with only a handful of people in each branch. We can go to any of these branches, but are generally considered to be associated with one and its sensei. Our branch is relatively new, and besides sensei there is only one black belt and two browns in addition to the white belts.

Second, people: recently the black and brown belts in our branch have been unable to come to practice. Most of the other white belts don't come much and haven't made much progress. Almost every training session is me with a family of three: father, mother, and junior-high-school son.

They are nice enough people, but...the father can be pretty annoying--he laughs when other people do something wrong and continually tries to correct others incorrectly. I don't mind being corrected, but it's just confusing when it contradicts what sensei says. Plus, the father only started a few months before I did.

The mother is now pregnant and can't really do much.

The son is not really a challenge to do kumite with, and to make it worse he will sometimes basically fall asleep or totally lose concentration (look at the wall or ceiling) while sparring!

Lately training just isn't fun anymore, so I have been thinking of going to another branch once a week even though I like my sensei and it would be farther to travel. The people there are mostly black/brown belts and I get along with all of them. But I would basically have to make up a white lie as to why I had to go to the other branch on another day.

I think "having a talk" with my sensei is just not the Japanese way and would make me seem selfish. I also think part of training is to be able to do one's best in any situation, so don't want to feel like I am "running away."

Anyway, thanks to the forum for letting me get this off my chest...and anybody ever have any similar situation or advice?

All I can say is to take a step back and look at yourself in your training. Are you truly better than the others? Make as objective a decision as you can on this.

If you really are better than them, which you probably are, think of this - If you left, or started to deviate, think of the poor sensei, stuck there with a kid who sounds like he'd rather not be there and an annoying sod.

If you're not better than them then I'm sure your sensei wouldn't mind you leaving.

That said, if you're not enjoying your training anymore go elsewhere. Why are the higher ranks not training anyway? Seems odd that all three of them would be unable to train. If the sensei at the other branch is as able a teacher as the sensei at your branch I would honestly advise you to move there.

Also, if you were to train at the other branch, would it mean SUBTRACTING a session from your current branch, or just going to the other place in addition to going to your current one? If it does not mean subtracting a training session I can't see why not go there.

I didn't mean to suggest that I was better than others. Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses, and I have a lot of work to do! Having said that, sensei has been praising me a lot recently (to a somewhat uncomfortable degree--praising one out of four people but not the others is kind of obvious, especially when you are the only non-Japanese) but not holding back on the criticism, either.

My problem with the father is more personality, but it makes for an uncomfortable environment. The son is really just too small and out of it to be an effective partner.

The higher ranks have totally valid personal reasons for taking a break from training, but it is unclear when they will return.

Practices at the other branch are run by our shihan and his son, and I have gone there a few times before. It would mean swapping a training day, but keeping my total training days equal. Oh, and my sensei goes there to train under the shihan on the same day, so it is not like I can hide it. But again, if I had a reasonable excuse I guess it wouldn't be a problem.

I'd advice you to talk to your sensei and be honest about things. I know this whole culture thing eating at your gut, but you're not getting anywhere if you're still practicing with either a) a kid who has the attention span of a goldfish b) a father who just doesn't know what he's doing either.

Tell your sensei that you want to become better and stronger, and that the environment you're in now does not help much.

Or you could do it the easy way;

Just tell him you're unable to attend the usual schedules and you'll attend the other sessions which you've mentioned.

-Taison out

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I got two fists.. Don't make me use my head as well!

I'm in a similar, but different boat. One teacher, two sessions a week, and only two students. I'm far from good, but after two years I am passing the older student. And classes just seem to 'drag on', going over the same stuff month after month, and the classes have generally stalled...held back because the other student has hit his plateau and doesn't practice. It's just exercise for him...but that two hour class gets eaten up quick going over the basics and kata every week. It's a pleasant, small group of older people, and costs nothing...and would be easy to just 'coast'...doing the same 5 katas over and over again for the next 10 years...never getting any better.

One choice is to get fit enough to attend a 'branch' as well, but it's really a 'move up', and would be an uncomfortable fit...not something I want to do (even if it was 'allowed').

Another is simply to stick it out during the classes, and since they are very informal, come with a plan on what I want to address every week. In the USA, and in our situation, it's very informal and small, so teacher will always get to the point in class of asking 'Do you have any questions?' and 'What do you want to work on?'

I've found that small changes in dynamics are like water...they add up. In the past, I've found that being slightly more 'self-directed' in the training, jumping on the opportunities to do what I want, that it changes the dojo dynamics ever so slightly over time. 'Charges' things, and people tend to either step up to the plate...or slowly stop coming. Problem solved.

Sounds to me like it's a simple question of, How Far Would you like to take your training? Where are you going with it? Is it a serious hobby, or aspiration?

If the answer is "Far", and "Yes" ...then the solution is simple. As said already, time for a change. Darn the kid with, and I quote, "The attention span of a goldfish." and the well intentioned yet obnoxious father. one should not allow uncomfortable situations that are easily changed effect how you go about your day-to-day routine, especially when it involves doing something you'd normally enjoy.

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Regards,
-Ket
"Life is a myriad of probabilities. Living is a plethora of possibility."