People tell me how lucky I am, but it's really a curse

Well, the prologue was that when I was about 8, one day I burst in on my Mum because I had a nightmare after she had come back from a night out, and she was masturbating in just her stockings, I ran back out and felt guilty, but from that moment on used to touch myself to the image of my Mum on her back with just her sexy stocking on touching herself.

This was probably why later on the following happened.

When I was 15, I was experiencing problems with my tight foreskin, my Mum took me to the doctor and it was called phimosis, a common condition.

I was given some skin cream and some exercises to do, but I kept forgetting to do them. One time I was with my Mum at a friend of hers and they also had a son who'd had a similar problem.

My Mum told me to get it but and, believe it or not I was too ashamed to protest as she brusquely undid my fly and got me out, I was so ashamed that at first my willy shrank and my Mum had problems retracting my skin, but my Mother's friend smiled at me reassuringly and, even stranger, I started to get semi-hard, but my Mum approved as she could peel my skin back better now.

The two clothed women examining my young cock, I started to feel like butterflies in my stomach that seemed to settle in my balls, as my Mum finally began to peel me back, the tingling went up my shaft and I came for the first time.

There was silence, and my Mum quietly cleaned her hand while I went to the toilet, in turmoil.

Ever since then I had a thing about my Mum that I could not shake.

I find sex with girls my age really unsexy and look for older women on the internet. I have to keep my fantasy secret, since not many women like it and just imagine they are my Mum and I always get so hard and come so much.

I've tried to talk about this onine, but I just get blokes telling me how lucky I am and curious women wanting to suck more info out of me for their own thrills and nothing else.

So I ignore stuff like that and continue to look for a woman who might relate, understand and help me to resolve this, rather than use me for cheap online thrills.