A Match.com Made in Heaven

My friend, a girl we’ll call Jackie, just finalized a divorce from a man named Axel, affectionately known as “Ax-hole.” The marriage was a disaster from day one, with day one being the day they spontaneously decided to get married, only four months after meeting on Match.com.

You read correctly. Apparently, people do actually get married after meeting on Match. I asked Jackie one time how many matches she had to kiss before finding Prince Axhole.

“Oh, hundreds,” was her answer. And then she said, “You should get on Match. Even if you don’t end up getting married, you get free dinners. After all, a girl’s gotta eat.”

I went home that night, and being the non-fiction writer that I am, tried my hand at writing a Match.com profile.

I’m a writer attempting to establish a career after spending 20 years as a stay-at-home-mom of said teenagers.

I’m 5’4” and 130 pounds, with gusts up to 140, especially after spending the night with Papa John and Sara Lee. On the bright side, I’m 5’7” in my platform flip-flops. When I wake up, I look like a cross between Chewbacca and Cousin Itt. Fortunately, Lasik corrected the legal blindness and freed me from the Pellegrino-bottle glasses.

And speaking of Pellegrino, I love it. Other things I’m addicted to I love include, in no particular order, beer, tennis, basketball, Dave Barry, Rick Reilly, and eating pizza off the back of a Vespa in Naples, Italy.

[…] to her writing style, Grace has us laughing as she takes us on her Match.com dating adventures. A Match.com Made in Heaven is the first in a five-part series. I highly recommend you spend some time reading the entire […]

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"Underwear in the gutter -- we've all seen it and wondered how it got there. The most obvious answer is that a pair of teenagers got it on in the back seat of a 1999 Toyota Tercel. Or maybe some neighborhood girls raided an older brother's underwear drawer in retaliation for breaking up with their friend via text message.

Those are fine theories, but I think I know how the underwear really got there."

-excerpt from the book "Looks Great Naked"

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How to look great naked

You look great naked when you have nothing to hide, when you accept yourself exactly the way you are -- right here, right now, flaws, wrinkles, knots, bumps, lumps, bad attitude and all. It’s not a pass for slacking on the maintenance; it’s about not obsessing over perceived imperfections.

Be yourself. Who you are is gorgeous; trying to be what you’re not isn’t.