Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Imagine you
picked up this book not knowing what you were getting yourself into.

I was at
work, as a waitress and it was a very, very slow day. So I wanted to download
some book to read on my phone until it got busy again. I went to Amazon’s top
sellers and I saw all three 50 Shades of
Grey books on display. For some reason unknown to me now, I didn’t read the
synopsis. I saw that it was supposed to be like Twilight, which may not have been high literary art, but I had
found very entertaining.

I assumed
since 50 Shades of Grey was like Twilight, it was about a werewolf, since
Twilight was about vampires. I read
enough to know he had a dark secret.

Innocently
I downloaded the book and began to read. I thought the writing was somewhat
annoying, there was a little too much detail about what was going on in Ana’s
mind but she seemed like a strong, independent, smart woman. A bit stupid about
boys but she seemed to be really holding out for the right one.

And then
she meets Christian Grey, your typical aloof mega-hottie that for some reason
seems to be interested in this normal girl. You get that a lot in your average
chick lit. There’s a lot of that being sucked into his eyes ridiculousness that
you get in Twilight, but I was
entertained. I was rooting for them.

(Here’s
where my story starts to get a bit spoiler-alert-y. I won’t tell you how it
ends, but if you want to know absolutely nothing about the story going into it,
you might want to stop reading.)

So they’re
super into each other, but Christian is against it for some reason. Because
he’s a werewolf, I thought. Makes sense. He doesn’t want to eat her or
something on the full moon.

Christian brings Ana back to his
super nice Seattle
pad, and since he’s super rich, he needs her to sign a non-disclosure
agreement. Of course he doesn’t want her to tell the world he’s a werewolf,
right? Makes sense.

And then he brings her to this
room, to show her his secret. There are chains and weird things in it, and a
really big, ornate bed in the center. OF COURSE, I thought, because he’s a
werewolf. He needs to get chained up once a month.

Christian Grey is not a werewolf.
And he wants Ana to sign a freaking contract so she can be his sex slave and
get chained up whenever he wants. In the contract it specifies how she can
dress, what she can eat, how often she has to work out and how often he expects
her to come over whenever he wants her to.

And here’s the thing, she was not
into that. And she didn’t seem to like being tied up while they had sex. She
wanted to be able to touch him and see him. So I assumed the book might be
about her changing him, Beauty and the Beast style.

Someone told me she signs the
contract.

So I put the book down and never
picked it back up.

I think I would have liked it
better if it was about a werewolf.

I promise next week I'll tell you about a book I actually like. Probably this one: