Laugh It Up – Top 20 Dallas Cowboys Jokes

ARLINGTON, TX - DECEMBER 19: Miles Austin #19 of the Dallas Cowboys at Cowboys Stadium on December 19, 2010 in Arlington, Texas.

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Sunday is it: Round two of the infamous Dallas/Redskins rivalry. You’ve heard the trash talk and insults and the endless strings of Cowboys jokes… and here’s some more! A few of our classic favorites… (and YES we know some of them are old… that’s why they’re called ‘classics’..beh!) Enjoy!

A Dallas Cowboy fan, a Washington Redskin fan and Julia Roberts…. are all sitting together on the subway when the lights go out. The car is completely dark and all you hear is a kissing noise… and the sound of a really loud SLAP!! When the lights come back on, Julia and the Redskins fan are glaring at the Cowboys fan, who is holding his slapped face in bewilderment. He quickly sums up the situation.

That Redskins fan must have kissed Julia. She swung at him and missed, and hit me instead!
Meanwhile, Julia is thinking: That Cowboys fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Redskins fan, and got slapped for it!
And the Redskins fan is thinking: This is great! The next time the subway car’s lights go out, I’ll make another kissing noise and slap the crap out of that Cowboys fan again!

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

On the first day of school Miss Whitaker explained to her 1st Grade Class that she’s a Dallas Cowboys fan and asked her students to raise their hands if they, too, were Cowboys fans.

Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raised their hand except Mary Jane.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise. “Why, Mary Jane. Why on EARTH didn’t you raise your hand?’

‘Because I’m not a Cowboys fan,’ she replied.

The class gasped in shock.

‘Well, if you are not a Cowboys fan, then who are you a fan of?’ Miss Whitaker asked.

‘Because my mom is a Redskins fan, and my dad is a Redskins fan, so I’m an Redskins fan too!’

Well,’ Miss Whitaker huffed, ‘that’s no reason for YOU to be a Redskins fan. You don’t have to be JUST like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron? What would you be then?’

Janie smiled, ‘I’d be a Cowboys fan.’

(Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)

A man walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. He noted a dog intently watching a Cowboys-Redskins game. Whenever the Redskins scored, the dog would jump onto the bar and do an animated dance. This happened over and over as the Redskins scored again and again. At the end of the game, the dog let out a loud howl and ran out of the bar. The man couldn’t believe his eyes.
“That’s amazing,” he told the bartender. “What happens when the Cowboys win?”

“I don’t know,” said the bartender, “The dog’s only four years old.”

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Q: How can you tell if a Cowboys fan has been using the computer?

A: There’s white-out on the screen.

(Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

Q: Why did the Cowboys fan climb the chain link fence?

A: To see what was on the other side.

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Q: What’s the difference between Texas Stadium and a porcupine?

A: On a porcupine, the ****** are on the outside.

(Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Q: What’s the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Tony Romo?
A: Lindsay Lohan has a good line in front of her!

From Jay Leno:
“Financial experts are now predicting we’re about to enter a Tony Romo economy — that’s a bad 4th quarter”

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

A Dallas Cheerleader asked a fan what time it was.

“4:45pm.”

A puzzled look came over her. “”You know, it’s the weirdest thing,” she said. “I’ve been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Q: Why can’t the Dallas Cowboys get on the internet?
A: Because they can’t put 3 W’s together.

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

A Dallas Fan and a Redskins Fan went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man on the TV was threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The Dallas Fan bet the Redskins Fan $50 that he wouldn’t jump.

Sure enough, he jumped. The Dallas Fan gave the Redskins Fan $50.

The Redskins Fan said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”

The Dallas Fan insisted saying, “No. A bet’s a bet.”

The Redskins Fan fessed up: “Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

The Dallas Fan replied, “Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!”

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

A boy is walking near Fed Ex Field when he sees a man being attacked by a vicious dog. He finds a stick and fearlessly charges the dog with it – slipping the stick through the collar, twisting it, and breaking the dog’s neck. He saves the man’s life.

A news reporter for the Washington Post is close by and witnesses the entire event. He rushes over to the hero and tells him he wants to put this in the paper with the head line: “Redskins Fan Saves Man from Certain Death”

The boy replies, “That’s great! Only change it to “‘Cowboy’s Fan’! I like Dallas!”

The reporter scratches his head… and changes the headline. “Ignorant Redneck Bas**rd Kills Family Pet.”

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Q: Why was Jason Garrett upset when the Dallas Cowboys’ play book was stolen?
A: Because he hadn’t finished coloring it.

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Q: How did Tony Romo kill his toy poodle?

A: He tried to put batteries in it.

(Photo by Kent Nishimura/Getty Images)

Tony Romo’s neighbor was mowing the lawn when Tony suddenly ran outside to check the mailbox. It was empty, and Tony scratched his head, shrugged, and walked back inside.

Five minutes later, Tony came running back out again, checked the mailbox and again scratched his head in bewilderment, then shrugged and walked back to the house.

The third time, his neighbor finally shouted “Hey, Tony! Is there a problem?”

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a Dallas Cowboys joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is a Cowboys Fan. The bouncer is Cowboys Fan. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2, weighs 225 and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is a Dallas Cowboys Fan. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

After losing the season opener, Tony Romo put 75 cents into a soda machine outside the Meadowlands.
Out popped a Coke.
He searched his pockets for more money. He found some and fed the machine again. Cokes and Sprite and Mountain Dew bottles began rolling down the street.
A Jets fan walked up behind him and watched this for a few minutes, then asked, “Can I get one now?”
Tony whizzed around and yelled, “No way, can’t you see I’m winning?”

(Photo by Larry French/Getty Images)

Frustrated with another losing season, Tony Romo decided to blow off steam with an ice fishing trip.

He grabbed his equipment, put on his fishing outfit, and hit the ice to find a good spot.

He took out his knife and started to make a large circle in the ice with it. But suddenly a loud voice boomed from overhead.

“No, Tony. You won’t find any fish there.”

He backed up a few feet and started to cut again, but again – the voice shouted at him.

“No, Tony. Don’t cut there, either. You won’t find any fish!”

So he backed up again – but before he could even try to cut, the voice boomed a third time. “I said NO, TONY!!!!”

“Is that you, God?” Tony called out in wonder.

“No, you moron,” the voice called back. “It’s the manager of the ice rink.”