Sneaking Around on My Wife

Clandestine meetings. Setting up secret email accounts. Hiding money. The funny thing is a lot of her friends were in on it, too. When your friends keep something like this from you, you’ve really gotta wonder.

You say I have no conscience? Not true. There were many nights when my scheming cost me sleep.

I’m talking about her surprise birthday party, of course

Because a gentleman doesn’t discuss a lady’s age, let’s just say it was a significant milestone. I will say this, though: if you’ve ever thrown a surprise party it helps if you’ve read some spy novels, because it involves considerable tradecraft.

The story was that we were going away for the weekend –but first we had to make a quick stop at the American Legion for a pre-Super Bowl party. Yes, a pre-Super Bowl Party. I even mailed a postcard to my house announcing the imaginary event.

“It’s supposed to be for the Giants fans. They’re showing a video of Super Bowl XLII.”

That sounds sort of ridiculous, but she was like, whatever. Her bags were packed for our weekend away so why not?

She bought the story hook, line, and sinker. It reminded me of the way they used to scam people on Mission Impossible. If anyone from The Company is reading this you know where to find me.

Here are a few tips:

Develop some talking points so you don’t start contradicting yourself.

Get everyone on the same page with your story.

Don’t volunteer unnecessary details.

The whole thing was great, but it raises a question: will she still trust me after all that sneaking around?

Good job, Rob! The fake invite was a neat trick. Reminds me of what I pulled in order to get my then-fiance to go to her own bridal shower at the Mohawk Country Club. I had printed up about 25 announcements to a supposed electoral / political fundraiser my ex-boss was throwing. On the afternoon of the big day, I told her I just had to do a quick hi and bye to ensure that my boss knew I was there.