"Whatever happened to good old-fashioned town pride?"
"It's been going downhill ever since the lake caught fire."
"Now just a darn minute. This town is a part of who you are.This is a Springfield Isotopes cap. When you wear it, you're wearing Springfield. When you eat a fish from our river, you're eating Springfield. When you make lemonade from our tree, you're drinking Springfield."
"Mom, when you give that lecture, you're boring Springfield."

"People,cour search is over! On this site we shall build a new town where we can worship freely, govern justly and grow vast fields of hemp for making rope and blankets."
"Yes; and marry our cousins."

"Mom, you won't believe this, but something you said the other day really got through to me. And now, I am going to teach some kids a lesson."
"I choose to take that literally."
"Death to Shelbyville!"
"Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Tute on, son! Tute on."

"Hello, there, fellow Shelbyvillians."
"Wait a minute. If you're from Shelbyville, how come we've never seen you at school?"
"I don't go to school."
"Ok. What's two plus two?"
"Five."
"Ok. Story checks out."

"That tree's been in Springfield since the time of our forefathers. Give it back or we'll bust in there and take it!"
"Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look."
"Stupider like a fox!"

"Ooh, you lousy Springfielders, you...shake harder, boy!"

"And with that, a mighty cheer went up from the heroes of Shelbyville. They had banished the awful lemon tree forever, because it was haunted. Now let's all celebrate with a cool glass of turnip juice."

Team Homer second up.

"Man! You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat like dirt unless you're on a team. Well, I'm better than dirt...well, most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I can't compete with that stuff."

"I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right."

"These uniforms suck!"
"Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?"
"Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."
"Homer! Watch your mouth!"
"Aw, I gotta go. My damn weiner kids are listening. "
"We are not weiners!"
"Then what are you dressed like that for?"

"The PFA does not represent players when they have broken the law and been convicted on non-football matters."- Gordon Taylor in 2009 following Marlon King's release after a prison sentence for sexual assault & ABH

"That MacGyver's a genius."
"First of all, he's not a genius. He's an actor. And second, he's not much of an actor."
"You're lying! You're lying!"
"No, Selma. This is lying: That was a well-plotted piece of nonclaptrap that never made me want to retch."

"Even murder has its ugly side."

"There was one little boy who never lost his mistrust."

26 a harder call, but Homer The Heretic just edges it.

"We interrupt this public affairs program in order to bring you a football game."

"And what if we picked the wrong religion? Every week, we're just making God madder and madder!"

"Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy?"
"Don't worry, sweetheart. If I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed."

"Kids, let me tell you about another so-called "wicked'' guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas. He didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was...I forget. But the point is...I forget that, too. Marge, you know what I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car?"

"What's the meaning of life?"
"Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die."
"I can't wait that long!"
"You can't wait six months?"