Weight Loss 101

I know, I know. You’re just dying to know if I was able to shake those seven plaguing pounds after my tango with Prilosec. Let me tell you how I did it in record time:

1. I quit that drug & I let my throat clearing and coughs bid a nice “forget you” as Cee Lo Green might say to any onlookers.2. I went to Central Market and stood painfully in front of a wall of natural cleanses. My pencil skirt still wouldn’t zip, I was in high-heels, and I was afraid the store reps would unassumingly direct me to the prenatal vitamins section.3. I selected a “First Cleanse,” knowing full well this things can all but squeeze all of your organs out, and wanting to start mild. Surely a good ‘flush’ would help. It had to go undetected, as the last one didn’t turn out so well.4. I started the two week routine and didn’t even notice a difference within the first seven days. I was exasperated, Barbara on the forum had been right, no woman can shake this.5. I got the flu. BAM.6. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I stayed in bed and drank Sprite, which I gave up for Lent, but I don’t feel badly about because I am sick.