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How to Wash a Rope

First you tell us to wash our ropes in Ivory Flakes. Now, in the last issue, you said Ivory Flakes are good for washing down as well. Dude! Ivory Flakes were discontinued over 10 years ago! Any alternative suggestions for suitable soaps?

I had assumed that Ivory Flakes, like oxygen, were in never-ending supply. But, as you have hinted, getting your hands on some now causes as much consternation as trying to relieve yourself in the corner of a round room.

Technically, you are correct. Ivory did discontinue its Flakes right about the time Clinton took hold of the Oval Office, which means nothing by itself, but in context of events that would transpire a few years later, I suspect he would have paid a princely sum for a box of the gentle soap and a go at hand-washing a certain blue dress.

We can ponder endlessly about how the world might have turned out had he known that Ivory Flakes were nothing more than a chopped up bar of Ivory soap. Or, we can make our own Flakes by getting said soap and shredding it on a cheese grater. Toss a handful of the shredded soap into the wash and you are back in business. If handling soap is anathema to you, try Nikwax Down Wash for feather duds, and PMI Rope Soap for your cords. Now scram!

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