Man Arrested for Getting It On With Teddy Bear

When I was a kid, I loved teddy bears. Hell, I loved stuffed animals in general. Dinosaurs, dogs, cats, teddy bears, hippos… they all fell into the same category: stuffed love. I would sleep with them, talk to them, and drag them from place to place. As I got older, that interest waned, and now they’re cute, but I’ve never been turned on by a teddy bear. For one man in Cincinnati, his love of teddy bears has gotten him into trouble once again.

Charles Marshall apparently does get turned on by teddy bears. Employees at a health care clinic witnessed him getting it on with a fluffy pal in an alley last week, and he was arrested for his lewd act. Imagine calling a friend to get bail for that one. It would be one thing if it was his first offense with a stuffed critter, but this is his fourth.

It’s not known if it was specifically a teddy bear for each infraction, but getting arrested for something like this really puts a new spin on someone loving their stuffed animals. Furthermore, there’s an actual diagnosis for people who get turned on by the childhood bed-time friend, called Ursusagalmatophilia.

Don’t ask me to pronounce that, because I can’t.

While some people like to have sex with other people dressed in plush costumes, Marshall clearly doesn’t care if it’s a person or stuffing that he’s having fun with. Either way it seems to be working, with the exception of the arrest record.