There is no fun to be had in this spoof. ‘Welcome to New York’ is a tepid satire that lacks both substance and fizz.

It’s like watching one of those long, insipid, banal award shows that leave the audience with no hope for an escape.

If you want to hear about the plot, well, there is none. The film is based on two under-achievers, Teji and Jeenal Patel (played by Diljit Dosanjh and Sonakshi Sinha respectively), who are selected for a big Bollywood event. Then, chaos ensues.

Karan Johar plays a double role – enacting himself as well as the villain. As the bad man, he appears entirely inept at coming across as menacing. As himself, he decides to reach into the innermost recesses of his being and draw out the most effeminate characteristics to a play stereotypical gay person.

Diljit and Sonakshi flounder along trying to make the most of non-existent script. It’s actually painful to see a gifted actor such as Diljit being made to play a bumbling sardar.

After sitting through almost two hours of non-stop nonsense, I failed to understand why anyone – leave alone a whole bevy of Bollywood A listers in cameos – would have wanted to invest their time and energy in as shoddy an affair as this one.

And why on earth was this shot on 3D?! Why?

I still cannot decipher the reason behind this over-120 minute apology of a movie. Is there something I failed to glean from the storyline? Are the proceeds and profits (wishful thinking, methinks) going to charity? Did everyone work on this film for free?

Please do tell me if you are courageous enough to watch and find out.

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