Hello again, everybody. Right, once again I've
been forced to relist an item. In this instance
it's not because some drooling sub-species of an
Ebayer managed to screw up his bidding, or because
I was faced with another idiot who, having won the
auction, decided he wasn't going to buy after
all......

Nope, this time I fell foul of The Ebay
Droids.

I quote: "eBay appreciates the fact that you
chose to list your auction(s): 2448756945 Honda
CB500T rolling chassis - horrible. eBay does not
allow listings that are intended as jokes or items
that are not for sale. Therefore, we have ended the
auction early and credited all fees to your
account. Please view our guideline page for a
better understanding of our auction policies and
how they affect the way you list your items"

(Snip several urls which proved almost as
useless as the Honda pictured below)

Joke? JOKE? I am deadly serious about selling
this thing. It is an excrescence: a horrible boil
on the sylvan landscape that is my part of
south-west London. It was ugly when new, uglier
still by the time I started stripping it down, and
now it would make an orc cover its face and start
to whimper. I want it off my land, out of my sight,
and money to slide, jingling festively, into my
pocket.

To recap: you are bidding on the rolling chassis
of a 1978 Honda CB500T, one of the most undesirable
motorcycles ever made, now rendered even less
desirable by the passage of 25 years and the
complete absence of any engine, seat, controls,
handlebars or indeed anything that may impart to it
the shaky vibratory wobbling motion it once
possessed.

The frame has been cut through, or snapped, aft
of the top engine mount and has been re-welded. The
wheels are rusty, the electrics decayed and mostly
missing, the tyres devoid of tread, the forks
pitted, and the front brake caliper absent.
However, the rear wheel hub is good and as it's the
same as a Honda CB550 hub, and they have a
reputation for cracking, this might be worth buying
for the hub alone. It's sound.

Oh, and I intend to remove the indicator
brackets for the benefit of the poor Belgian who
implored me to send them to him a couple of days
ago.

What's it good for? Beats me. I use it as a
ground anchor for my bike trailer - you can see the
D-lock round the front wheel, and the other end is
secured to my trailer. No keys, no warranty, but
(incredibly) a valid registration document.

Starting price 99p and no reserve. No, the
water-pistol, spare tyre, and other oddities in the
pic are not included.

And now for my policy regarding stupid bidders
and others whose sense of humour is even more
conspicuously absent than that of the Ebay
Uruk-Hai:

The lovely thing about the Web is that allows
complete imbeciles to parade their inadequacy in
front of a global audience. For some reason I wot
not of, the majority of these trolls and Gollums
plague Ebay sellers. Those who agree are invited to
peruse my "me" page. Who knows, you might even find
a nice link there to click on, if you fancy a mouse
mat or something.

So zero feedback bidders will have their bids
cancelled unless they email me first. Anyone else I
even suspect of taking the, er, the (mustn't offend
Ebay, now) mickey will be similarly treated.

On
19-Dec-03 at 12:28:13 GMT, seller added the
following information:

I should add, following a serious enquiry (which
nearly floored me!) that this machine does indeed
come with the original air filter inlet hoses. See
those rubber tubes with a bend in them? Those. They
are, I am assured, quite sought-after in Honda
CB500T circles[1]. Yes, my mind is moving
into boggle overdrive also.

[1] "Support groups" would be a more apt
description. I have visions of a ring of
semi-emancipated Australopitheci, moodily picking
at each other's fleas.[2]

[2] Quite like some of the Ebayers who
so irritated me last time, in fact.