Dungeon Smashing Empire

Monday, December 26, 2016

The Belluk is a type of ravenous beast which is indigenous to the hinterlands, wastelands and the Slumbering Dunes. It is a mammal (hairless) which always bears live young and is the natural enemy of the Dog, the Dog-Boar and the Tiger-Dog. It is carnivorous but is fearful of men and camels. Its natural prey include the Fanged Impala, the Horned Mountain Crab and the Shelled Spider Goat. It will sometimes follow caravans at a distance, and has been known to beg hand-outs by approximating human speech. Its words are hopelessly garbled, like a bad radio transmission. They form mated pairs when the Blue or Red Moon waxes, and separate soon after.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

"The world of Kingdom Death is an endless plain of stone faces lit occasionally only by lanterns. Why? Where did the survivors come from? Who knows? Despite the detailed and baroque monster design, all three of these franchises also have an ultimately restrained sensibility that rests more on mythical resonance than raw newness. None of the three franchises are shy about recruiting cliches, but the cliches are never used thoughtlessly and often adjusted (though never entirely subverted, which I also appreciate).

For example, the background text for the Black Knight, previously a collectible model but being developed into a game expansion in the current Kickstarter:

They say if you take a lantern that never lit down the trail of corpses and past the whispering stars you will find an ancient figure atop a crest of determined faces. Treasured by a hidden cult of loyal squires, the figure will awaken for only the most honorable of challengers. For generations, the Black Knight has unknowingly defended a settlement of people hidden in the ruins of its home."

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Sun Country is a land far away, to the other side of the Animal Lands. There, the Sunfolk sacrifice to Azi Dahaka, terrible Sky-God of Horses and Serpents. They are a rigidly matriarchal and theocratic society, where non-noble non-women are considered chattel. The men and other slaves are forced to build many pyramids to honor a vast, intricate hierarchy of celestial beings.
You can swap the genders if you want, it doesn't matter. If the women are in charge, they make the men grow absurdly long beards which are chained to their feet. If the men are in charge, they make the women grow long hair filled with clinking trinkets so they can't sneak away. If a different gender is in charge they lord it over everybody else.

The horses of that land are tawny-haired and renowned for their ability to stare into the sun for many hours without blinking. The Princess of Horses lives in Sun Country, and is much feared for her venomous tongue, and for intentionally setting brushfires.

Do Not Fuck With the Princess of Horses

The Sunfolk are known for their fearsome Hoplites, who wear thick armor of gold and bronze. They are among the most disciplined and tireless killers in the World. They gain power from the sun, and are nearly impossible to dislodge while the sun gleams on their broad shoulders.

The Sunfolk despise the free-wheeling Animal Tribes, and consider them subhuman. The lowly tuber - symbol of Nomad independence - is reviled and scorned in the Country of the Sun. Corn, obviously, is the staple crop of the Sunfolk. Potato-eaters are rounded up by the state police, secretly tried, and publicly killed. This is considered necessary to protect the state from sedition and sabotage - slaves are, after all, cheap and readily replenished in war. Death is the only punishment in Sun Country, but it comes in 1,000 different rigidly-proscribed forms.

Sunfolk are copper-skinned and robust, considered handsome by most other tribes. Their temperament is sanguine. The men are stoutly-muscled, and the women buxom. Their hair is bright red-gold. Free people shave their heads, that the sun may better shine on them and fill them with power. Hats are unknown. The men generally grow elaborate beards.

4.1d12 large, dark, heavy old brass coins, a bit bigger than a quarter. Each one is divided into four corners, making it easy to cut it into smaller coins if desired. They are shaped as rounded squares or chunky circles. A worn pattern is repeated of curling lines like waves or a tattered cloak on both sides of each coin.

5.1d100 new-looking thick silver perfectly octagonal Dwarven coins. They are embossed on one side with a three-pointed star, like a diamond or a sun. In small, finely stamped Dwarven runes it reads above the star, “Nekutlibash” and below it, “1406”. Obviously only someone who knows the Dwarven script may read these marks.

6.A leather bag full of ground leaves of the purple spase-bush, worth its weight in gold dust. The spase-bush is a rare living plant that eats small animals. When eaten, its leaves and buds are well-known to produce pleasant hallucinations, heighten sexual performance, add an inestimable exotic quality to any food, and also extend the eater’s lifespan.

7.3 cakes of vaulstone, the magic stone which produces pure water. A single cake, when squeezed like a fruit, will drip potable fresh water. It can produce about a canteen’s worth before running dry every day, and replenishes overnight. It will run completely empty after about 1d20 such uses, but keeps indefinitely if not used and stored out of sunlight. Cracking the cake will create a miniature geyser or fountain of about 8 gallons of water, after which the pieces of the cake will be useless.

8.A burnished gold candelabra with 3 necks. The terminus of each neck, where the candle is inserted, is a scowling humanoid face with a thick jaw and heavy brow. (actually a minor magical artifact, +1 to demon summoning if appropriately evil candles are burned in it)

9.A black thread necklace strung with three eyeballs that are so realistic they appear to be actual eyes. On closer examination, they are made of opaque glass or perhaps crystal. They are sickeningly realistically fashioned, even seeming to glisten with imagined viscera. One iris is blue, the other brown, and the middle and largest is gold.

10.A ball of crystal. Inside it seems to shift and swirl with voluminous pastel gasses; gazing into it is entrancing. Its use, if any, is unknown.

11.A necklace of 1d12 large gold coins strung together, each about half the diameter of your palm. Each coin is convex and bears a different, quasi-heraldic symbol; a bear, a spread-winged eagle, a helmet, etc.

12.A glass vial that, on closer examination, is full of fresh blood.

13.A large, bulbous, gleaming gold nugget, worth at least a few dozen gold pieces. Along with it is a map showing the location of a secret gold mine in the Wildwood, along with an unsigned deed to said property.

14.A gold trade bar, stamped with the thousand-year old seal of the Immyrean treasury and a delineation of its weight and worth as 100 gold coins. Unfortunately upon closer inspection, it has been shaved and hollowed to a fraction of its normal worth. However, a careless merchant might not inspect it carefully…

15.1d3 Zanzinean herbs, a strange coral-like growth found near the seaside in a certain part of Talhnim. When placed on an open wound, the herb takes root. It draws out pain and regrows the missing tissue, then later the user will cough out two smaller Zanzinean herbs. The herbs take about 20 years to mature and are not generally useful when first expectorated, except as an exotic garnish for certain sea-food. (If left near water, they may in time grow into usable plants.)

16.An antique, filigreed brass nameplate from a ship, with ornamentation of symbolic anchor and sextant. The name on the plate is “Hesperus”; its origin is unknown.

17.A white rope noose threaded with silver. Only a queen would be strangled by such an instrument.

18.A very thin scabbard fit for a stiletto. Judging from the number of bare sockets, at one point it was richly bejeweled; now bare excluding 1d3 remaining small, pure emeralds.

19.A tiny, tangled, net-like bracelet interwoven with intricate silver rings. On one end is a small disk with a crude eagle stamped into it, and on the other a noose.

20.A curved golden hunting bow, dull and tarnished except for the scratched, clean strip of the string-groove. Seems not to have been used very often and was likely ceremonial.

21.A rude depiction of a grinning god, thrusting his pelvis into the air. It is made of some sort of black semi-precious stone, with intricate opal veins twisting around the unsightly body.

22.A large, polished chunk of Heaterstone, renowned for its ability to retain heat for days. Although upon first glance it is a metallic gunmetal gray, on closer inspection tiny writhing veins of light are visible. It is slightly warm to the touch, perhaps from a previous owner’s last usage. Common Heaterstones can be found above ground in certain places; the farther underground the stones are mined, the more heat they can store and absorb. Heaterstones have a high melting point and have been observed floating in lava with no visible effects. For this reason, they are commonly used by Dwarves in great quantities along with Meltstone as a smoke-free fuel source which can be heated up to incredible temperatures to fuel forges and warm the freezing underground caves of the Ice-Dwarves. Some Hobbits and other slingers have been known to use fiery heaterstones in slings to add extra damage to the attack. This one can absorb heat up to the level of a medium campfire before reaching capacity, and gradually radiates that heat outwards over a course of 6 hours once removed from a heatsource. If left in a potent heatsource too long, it will violently explode (1d20 Fortitude damage to anyone within 15 feet)

23.A 4-by-10 foot swath of the renowned Protoscan Purple silk, neatly rolled and bound with a small gold clasp in the shape of a leaf. Such a wondrous and exotic luxury could fetch over 30 gold.

24.A fully intact skeletal hand, bound together and articulated with gold wire. On the index finger someone has carved a lightning bolt and filled it with purple dye.

26.A giant pelvis bone, coated in a Mountain Silver alloy and covered in simply-rendered depictions of battles and great hunts. The leader of every scene is an enormous, bearded man wielding what seems to be a ship’s oar. A graffitist with an evidently profound dislike for this person has transformed the hero’s weapon into a vulgar object.

27.A large glass vial filled with the blood of an Inkspider, which never fades. It is sealed with blue wax with the crest of an octopus.

28.A knobbled horn of some unidentifiable goat-like creature hollowed out and lacquered. It still bears the smell of stale foreign ale. The initials K.L. are neatly stamped into the steel endplate.

29.A red mercenary’s banner, torn and tattered, with the name Fredman Zanger displayed prominently. The flag seems to be very old and with a gentle tug will rip.

30.An ancient copper axe, from the early days of metalworking. Bound to a stout two foot yew shaft with leather straps, the blade measures no more than four inches long. Considering its obvious age, it seems to have been preserved remarkably well and is still sharp. Ancient runes dance along the blade. (Counts as Fighting Axe; 1d6+1 damage)

31.A five-pound keg of Southland Pirate Quench-all. It tastes foul and is exceedingly intoxicating, but if drunk over the course of the day, several canteen’s worth can replace a man’s need for solid food entirely. If drunk in this matter, the keg contains about 2 day’s worth of rations.

32.A strange Eastern doll depicting a frightening, large-headed god. Several small golden pins and clasps are attached to it.

33.A long, wicked, curved knife made entirely of one piece of jade. The hilt has a gruesome depiction of fork-tongued, bear-like animal on it. The sight of this knife seems to cause you to feel nervous and uncertain. Its age is difficult to guess, but you have a strange conviction that it must be unfathomably ancient.

34.A long, crude, black recurve bow, fitted on each end with a serrated blade. The Quragc smith who constructed it succeeded only in lessening the practicality of both of the weapons by trying to combine them.

35.Several hand-forged steel arrow heads in a thick leather bag, set with wicked barbs in order to make them harder to remove. Also included is a vial of the thick poison slime of the Holmberry plant, which causes intense pain and unbearable itching throughout the entire body.

37.A dark, musty, sealed bottle of brandy. It is covered in ashes, but faintly legible is the inscription on the glass, “Ellehirrim, 990”. Presuming that to be the date of distillation, that would make this brandy more than 1040 years old.

38.A tiny hourglass of Elven design. Runs out in only a minute and shows many signs of being repaired.

39.A well-made bronze throwing axe, richly decorated with a motif of suns and stars, with the inscription “Strike Hard”. Due to a hole near the bottom of the haft, experimentation shows that it makes a strange whistling noise as it flies through the air.

40. A gnarled walking stick of black oak, capped with gold at both ends. Inscribed on it is the motto in gold letters, “I Smash All Obstacles”. Radiates Transmutation Magic to those sensible to such things.is actually: This is a sledgehammer +1. Once per day, it can hit something and discharge both shatter and knock effects on it. Whenever it gets a critical hit, the target takes triple damage and destroys the floor in a 10' radius. If there is open space beneath, both the target and the wielder (usually) fall.

41.1d12 silver-headed crossbow bolts in a black leather case.

42.A small glass perfume bottle filled with silver dust.

43.A thin gold ring. The setting has a jagged rampart design, and it bears a large, green, flat chrysoberyl gem.

44.A single gold hoop earring. Worth a coin or two.

45.A cut and polished blue sapphire about the size of your thumb. Worth probably a pouch or more of gold.

54.A large silver ring, set with an enormous flat piece of amber almost as long as a finger. Probably worth a handful of coins.

55.A broken piece of unidentifiable silver jewelry, perhaps a bracelet or a barrett. Numerous tiny diamonds and cylindrical pieces of lace agate lend it grace and the value of at least a gold pouch.

56.An outrageously ornate gold ring, fit for a queen. Made of gold, 16 tiny pink rubies surround an enormous polished pink ruby nearly the size of your end thumb joint. This item would buy a year’s worth of food and drink for a peasant family.

57.A dangling piece of jewelry of Elven make, perhaps originally part of a necklace or amulet. About as long as a finger, it features delicate gold workmanship, with a symbol of a flower bud at the top, and a very intricate and life-like maple leaf at the bottom. Inbetween are set two very large and beautiful pearls. Something about this piece of jewelry makes you feel slightly sad; it reminds you of a loved one you left somewhere.

59.A very delicate Elven brooch. A Moonstone has been lovingly carved into the shape of a hideous cat. Moonstone is a semi-transparent gem of lustrous, gray color. The cat has diamonds for eyes and teeth. The chain is bright silver. These types of jewels are often given from one elf to another as lover’s gifts, much as humans exchange rings. Value: dangerously incalculable

60.A Northmann bracelet, with their characteristic whirling, interlacing endless knots, made of silver. Of medium size, to fit the wrist of a normal man. Worth a pouch of coin.

61.A heavy gold ring of several loops of twisted gold. Worth its weight.

62.A very valuable brooch, consisting of whirling golden floral shapes. Three flowers grave it, and the petals of each flower are made of emerald. In addition, six smaller emeralds form “buds”. This treasure would easily be worth a good-sized pouch of gold.

64.An unidentifiable piece of jewelry, perhaps a brooch or amulet. It consists of “knotted” gold bands, forming loops not unlike eight radiating nooses. In the center is a large pearl. Three smaller, tear-shaped pearls dangle from it. Worth probably a pouch of coin and a little more.

65. A bronze soldier’s medal, won for valor in combat. It depicts a roaring lion. Around the circumference of the round medal, it reads “Awarded for Gallantry in the face of Overwhelming Danger. 1004. Stahl.” Value unknown

66.A gold pin earring. An unbelievable small and utterly realistic hummingbird has been fashioned on it, perhaps by hands smaller than a human’s. The tail and wings are made of bright Lapis Lazuli. Worth a great deal to the right collector, perhaps to the tune of a box of coins

67. A gold pin with a sparkling tiny diamond. Worth a handful of coins, perhaps.

68.A small pendant, perhaps once part of a necklace. A large piece of amber set into a silver backing. Worth a few coins.

69.A well-fashioned gold bracelet with a working clasp and hinge. Very fine and attractive patterns, floral and geometric, decorate the outside. A fine gift for a lady or a man.

70.A strange but ornate brooch which depicts a bundle of wheat tied with a ribbon. Dozens, maybe hundreds of miniscule rock crystals are set all along its length. Worth 1d100 coins to the right person, or an enormous debt to someone who returns it to the Clergy of Kos

71.A small, cheap gold earring. A setting once held a gem, but it has been prized out. Worth not more than a coin.

72.A delicate, very fine silver chain. Along the chain is set pieces of irregular but attractive polished jade. Purpose is not clear.

73.1d4 small statuettes carved of the whale ivory most commonly found in the Southlands. They seem to depict small spirits or deities of some kind, but what exactly is not clear; their design is abstract and only vaguely humanoid. The workmanship is chunky and unrefined, but possesses a certain, primitive grace.

74.A small, solid gold statuette of a mirthful god. He is utterly bald and his stomach huge and round. He seems to be laughing with the utmost jollity; overall a charming piece of religious paraphernalia.

75.A large, wide Northman bracelet. It is made of silver, but most remarkably it is set all across with mammoth ivory, incredibly rare even in the cold North country. A beautiful and unique piece of jewelry fit for a thane’s wife.

77.1d10 strange, flat, thin gold coins in an oblong oval shape. They bear a snake twisting around a sword and markings in a language you do not recognize.

78.An apparently unworked piece of polished gold, crescent-shaped and about the size of a fingernail.

79.A large, heavy gold cross of the type symbolic of the Church of Paidu. This is a holy symbol to those who worship that God, or the Great God sometimes known as the King of Kings, whose worship is mostly ubiquitous in the Inner Sea. Crosses such as these are sometimes awarded to those who perform generous deeds for the Church, or as gifts to young people on their way to service in the Church. Worth perhaps a small or medium pouch of coin.

80.formaldehyde shark

81.cloak made out of purple monkey skin

82.A beautiful worked silver brush, with bristles of white horsehair. Fit for a young Lady or Princess; worth at least a pouch of gold.

83.A Northman brooch in the shape of a hunting horn. The horn itself is silver marked with runes. Precious amber and whale ivory alternate bands on the horn’s length, and at each end it is capped with a large pink pyrope. A princely gift.

84.A length of silver chain, worth perhaps a coin or two.

85.A strange, small gold pendant depicting a trumpet with a wolf’s head glaring out from it.

86.A black cord, from which hangs a single onyx rune along with a small golden representation of a man in a burial shroud surrounded by strange symbols.