Congratulations, Detroit. Soon, you will finally be free of the elderly, crooked, shameless race-baiter that has darkened your political door for over 50 years.

John Conyers has announced - in a rambling, barely coherent, interview - that he is retiring, effective immediately.

As a replacement, John Conyers has recommended none other than ...John Conyers. If you haven't guessed it, John Conyers III is his son, and would carry on the family's fine, unsullied, name.

As Conyers puts it:

"My legacy can't be compromised or diminished in any way by what we're going through now. This too shall pass.

I want you to know that my legacy will continue through my children. I have a great family here and especially in my oldest boy, John Conyers III who incidentally I endorsed to replace me in my seat in Congress."