Bringing home baby

As a new mom to a colicky baby girl who screamed around the clock, I'd often get unsolicited advice from people, such as: “It flies by. You'll miss these times.”

In my bleary-eyed state of adjusting to life with a newborn, it wasn't what I needed or wanted to hear. At that point in my life, it was difficult to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel and know that it wasn't a train headed straight for me.

Like many exhausted and overwhelmed new moms, I felt guilty about everything. Admitting that things were less than perfect with my new baby at home wasn't an option. It's something that everyone seems to know but won't say aloud – how ridiculously hard it can be to take care of a newborn.

“At the hospital, it's so different. There's a whole nursing staff,” said Jen Broas, mother of two. “That tightly swaddled sleeping baby from the hospital quickly became a screaming baby at home who needed to be fed every two hours and wouldn't let me put her down.”

A tough transition

“With my oldest, I'd sometimes just stare at her on the changing table, not exactly sure what to do with her,” Broas said.

“If she wasn't being held, she screamed. With her crying all the time, it was hard to get out of the house. So I sat around and cried, too. My life had become so lonely.”

Transitioning from a career at an investment management firm to life at home with an infant was hard for Broas.

“I had this expectation of what my life with this baby would be like,” she said. “But in my case, it was three months of nonstop screaming and no sleep – most of the time half-naked with a sweaty baby on me, with no break or rest.”

Broas acknowledges that she felt like her life was taking off without her.

“I kept telling people that I wanted to pause my life so I could just take a breath and catch up,” she said. “Whatever it is I wanted to accomplish during the day, I had to let go of it. Just to shower and put on some lip gloss was a lot. Getting out of pajamas was a huge accomplishment.”

Her best piece of advice for a new mom: Look at the big picture.

“I hate to even say this, because I really hated hearing this, but things will change,” she said. “You feel worn down, but something else will come up. There will be new struggles and challenges, but it won't be like this forever. Enjoy the little moments that really matter instead of focusing on what's hard.”

Sleep deprivation and torture

Most new moms are desperately exhausted. According to the U.S. Army Field Guide, even wartime detainees are entitled to more sleep than the average new mother gets.

“Extended captivity with only four hours of sleep a night does not meet the minimum standard of humane treatment, either in terms of American law or simple human decency,” reads the military guide.

Apparently, human decency need not apply when it comes to caring for newborns. If you consider that most babies need feeding every two to three hours, it's easy to see how a new mother's basic need for sleep can supersede her ability to do much else. So cut yourself some slack and try to get some rest when you can.

Not-so-great expectations

It's easy for new parents to get so focused on the delivery that they can't see beyond the hospital stay. Remember: Having a baby is one of the most amazing and profound experiences you will ever have. So after you get home, keep your expectations low and just try to enjoy it. It really won't be like this forever.

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