“I thought she would have this big personality that might be overwhelming, but she really didn’t,” Sean said to me this morning. “She actually seemed a little nervous or maybe uncomfortable. I really couldn’t read what she was thinking.”

He went on to say she talked — a lot — about what does for a living, didn’t seem to be that well-rounded, didn’t really ask him questions about himself. Oh, and she was “texting a little by the middle of the date.”

“She claimed that it was to one of her employees but who knows,” Sean wrote me. “I hate when people do that.”

Also, she is Jewish.

“I know this sounds bad, but I always vowed to never date a Jewish girl.”

I actually do not think that sounds bad — Christianity was always a requirement for me in dating. The guy didn’t have to be deeply religious, but a baptism and membership at a Christian church was important.

“Who knows,” he said. “She was a nice girl. I just wasn’t feeling it. Part of me, though, does feel like giving it a second try — or at least finding out if she is interested, but that’s my stupid ego talking.”

Ahh there’s another Erin. Can I change my “user name”? I thought I saw you can’t have more than one on the TU website. Don’t want to get in trouble! I suppose I should have been more creative the first time around. =P

I know that he has the right to date whomever he chooses- we all do that. But it just smacks of bigotry (at least a bit) to make a vow to never date a specific religion and/or sex without regard to the individual involved. Certain men may not generally be attracted to black women- fair enough, but a VOW to never date a black woman? See the difference?

Scott – Enough already! People can choose/decide/vow to date or not date whoever they want or don’t want regardless of religion or race!

I know white and black people who refuse to date outside their race. It’s a personal choice and not for anyone to judge. I knew a guy who would date outside his ethnicity but would only marry a woman of the same ethnicity. The woman he ended up marrying was of the same ethnicity but different religion. Once they got engaged, she converted to his religion.

Scott –
Obviously there is a line between dating preference and bigotry. I just don’t think it was crossed here and I was trying to bring a little levity to the discussion. And for the record, I’m black and I won’t date black women. Know why? I’m related to black women. High maintenance is an understatement. Now, that doesn’t mean there aren’t high maintenance white or latina or thai or jewish women. I just think the odds are better. I’m guessing Sean here has had a similar experience with high maintenance jewish women and has decided “no more!” Nothing wrong with that in my mind.

And yes, I do know I’m making unfair generalizations but in the grand scheme of things, is it all that bad? Does make me a racist (or whatever the corresponding term would be for someone opposed to specific ethnicities – I doubt ethnicist is correct)? Nope. Does it make me somewhat of an a-hole? Perhaps. But aren’t we all, at some point in time, just a wee tiny bit of a douche. Yes, we are.

This is wacky. I don’t know why the hell everyone is getting all up in arms about Sean not wanting to date a Jewish girl.

I would never date a hairy dude. Back when I was dating, if a guy was beastly hairy, I couldn’t even consider him.

If that makes me shallow, whatever. It just doesn’t work for me. Since I can’t turn a blind eye to the fur, I might as well have said “I vow never to date a hairy man.” because it would have been true.

I agree with some of the other commentors anyone refuses to date someone outside your race/religion/ethnicity pool is indeed bigoted (it’s not the same thing as flat-out racist, though). Although it’s much more of a DUMB thing to do than a hateful one. Why limit yourself to a pond when you can fish in the entire ocean? Dating outside your comfort zone can be interesting, fun, challenging, etc.
At the very least, give it a try if for nothing other than the “forbidden fruit” cliche.

I hope you know that I’m not angry about the discussion, and I took your comments in the spirit that they are intended. As I said, I am giving Sean the benefit of the doubt, and as Bob said in his comment- the way Sean wrote what he did was a little “off-putting”, that’s all. It rubbed me, and some others the wrong way. Perhaps it also was how the post was written, almost like this woman was annoying, rude, etc. and guess what else? She was Jewish. Perhaps that is unfair, but that is the way it kind of came across.

There may very well be a grain of truth to many stereotypes- that’s how they become stereotypes in the first place. I’ve dated many different types of women, and can attest to that fact. Anyway, it takes all kinds of people, I guess.

I have to smile when I see the “I’ll never date a Jewish girl” comment. I have a close Jewish friend who once said the same thing to me back in his 20s – his thought was that he wouldn’t “take the time to date someone who wasn’t Jewish because he wanted to marry someone who was of his same faith.” Approximately 12 years, a wedding and two kids later he’s happily married to a wonderful Italian Catholic girl!