Archive for the ‘Disney’ Category

Welcome back to the land of Disney where children’s story revel there sinister truths.

First up today is Cars

Now where to start with this monstrosity of a film. Maybe with the disturbing lack of people. You see there are all the signs of people and unless cars got a heap more dexterous than I thought I doubt they drill their own oil and yet no people, why? Because car murder sprees that’s why the entire world is a post Christine world where her demon offspring have become more life like and less murder hungry now that all the people are gone.

But what does it teach us<

1 Good looking & rich= better person(car)

Porsche is the best car in the town why? Oh right shes the good looking rich one that must make her better than the run down car that is obviously a yokel. This is a brilliant attempt at flooding kids with materialist feelings at a young age if the dodgy cars are no fun or stupid and the expensive ones are the cool, sporty and smart people it must be the way to go.

2 winning is what really counts

McGee might help his friends and learn a valuable lesson in the end but he still wins and that’s what really counts.

Ok enough of that our second film for today will bring us back in time a little.

too The Santa clause

Now this does get bonus points for killing Santa in the first few minutes.

It then loses them all for teaching us that

1: If you kill someone with a cool job or that is magic you become them.

A what you kill you keep style law which i love but doesn’t really work, i would love to know however how many kids set up traps instead of cookies for “santa that year”

2: It’s only creepy until “proven”

So by some needlessly convoluted plot the new Santa proves to his ex-wife that he’s a fictional character, and then it’s all good no worries spend all the time you want with our son. No questions about why magic is real or why instead of toys for rich kids he doesn’t feed the hungry or stop wars, even if only for one day surely that’s a better use of his time and skill.

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The time has come to try and disembowel your childhood memories once more starting with…

Finding Nemo

So, ignoring the creepy incest undertones… actually, no; let’s not ignore that. You see, despite the well publicised fact that Disney studied the animals to get the movements and biology right, they set up a mirror at every animators desk so they could watch there own mouths to get the movements right. The point I’m trying to make here is that they went to crazy lengths to try and make everything realistic (well, as realistic as a talking animal world journey can be) and yet they choose a fish that has one female per colony and when that one female dies the alpha male becomes the female. So, with only two of them left, Nemo’s ‘dad’ is more likely his wife not long after the rescue. Seeing as how there are no other clown fish nearby, it’s their job to do some father and son “bonding” and repopulate the clown fish population.

But okay, they didn’t realise it or they thought it was funny. We can forget that now, if you can *evil laugh*.

How about the under lying message? Something about…’ it will be okay’ or ‘differently abled people can do everything normal people can do’, or something. Or maybe that trusting strangers and mental defects to rescue your son is the right thing to do. Or… yeah, I don’t know what it is about and I refuse to watch it again to find out. So that’s that one done.

And where of the hundreds of movies to strike next?

One of the 5 Air Bud movies where a dog happens to be great at 5 different sports? Or the fact that they made a second, third and fourth Pirates of the Caribbean? Or Sky High, or The Sorcerers Apprentice or Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas? Or better yet, Fantasia.

Instead I will just curse the fact that the movies coming up from them include: Finding Nemo 2,Toy Story 4, National Treasure 3 (really Disney, even for you, that’s low) and Monsters University, as well as buying Star Wars… ohh poor Star Wars.

Although, I do keep some hope for Star Wars, mostly thanks to Tron and really, could it get worse than Episode 2?