Hey guys, just wondering if any of you guys have dated women with kids. I've been seeing this girl for however long it's been since I last posted in here, a little under 2 months, n she has a son who is her world. I get that, I may not completely understand since I don't have my own kids, but I understand that I'll always come second to her behind her son. My issue is she's also had a lot of the guys in her life do horrible things to her and so she really really doesn't trust men.

Now I know I just need to stay patient and keep being my awesome caring self, but it bothers me a little that she's never even talked to me about meeting her son someday. I still get the feeling from her that she still doesn't trust me, which is legit cause you can only get to know someone so much in a couple of months, but it bothers me, because I feel like she's just waiting for me to hurt her.

We just got back from a weekend vacation at our mutual friends lake house with a couple of my other friends and the mutual friend's boyfriend and even there I still got that vibe from her which was really disheartening. Sorry for taking up your guys time but I needed to vent a little and it would help to hear some people who don't know me telling me that I'm worrying about this too much.

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BK

Quote:

Originally Posted by AcheTen

JPP is a better and more productive player than Brandon Graham

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaddon41_80

Is Shaun Hill a top 10 QB? Definitely not. Is he a top 20 one? Almost certainly.

Wait it out if she's worth it. If it's only been a few months and if she has a bad history with men, it's pretty understandable. You could talk to her about it, but I wouldn't expect much to change until she's ready to change. A lot of dudes are ****** in the head, especially with how they treat women.

If you don't think she's worth it then bounce. Everyone has baggage, but that doesn't mean you have to deal with it if you don't want to.

Also, not sure what the point of her having a kid was other than that you feel like you aren't having access to another part of her life.

You might need to have a conversation with her about this. No need to accuse her of anything or threaten to break it off. Just explain your thoughts and that you like her and think you two could really have something, but until she is able to let you into that part of your life your relationship is not going to progress.

Wait it out if she's worth it. If it's only been a few months and if she has a bad history with men, it's pretty understandable. You could talk to her about it, but I wouldn't expect much to change until she's ready to change. A lot of dudes are ****** in the head, especially with how they treat women.

If you don't think she's worth it then bounce. Everyone has baggage, but that doesn't mean you have to deal with it if you don't want to.

Also, not sure what the point of her having a kid was other than that you feel like you aren't having access to another part of her life.

Thanks man, my plan is to just wait on this one and occasionally bring up how not all of us men are scum. I mentioned her son cause that's another thing that reminds me how much I feel she is still expecting me to **** her over.

Quote:

Originally Posted by killxswitch

You might need to have a conversation with her about this. No need to accuse her of anything or threaten to break it off. Just explain your thoughts and that you like her and think you two could really have something, but until she is able to let you into that part of your life your relationship is not going to progress.

See I don't want to rush her on this. It hurts that I don't feel she trust me, but it's something I can deal with if all she needs is time to see that I'm really not going to mistreat her and hurt her.

Thanks guys, venting helps and hopefully this all works itself out in the near future.

__________________
BK

Quote:

Originally Posted by AcheTen

JPP is a better and more productive player than Brandon Graham

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaddon41_80

Is Shaun Hill a top 10 QB? Definitely not. Is he a top 20 one? Almost certainly.

Yeah, you definitely don't need her feeling like you're putting more pressure on her than she already has. Like you said, she hasn't had the greatest history in her prior encounters, so she's completely justified in pacing herself with you. You need to try and get your mind off of whether you feel the relationship is progressing at the pace you would ideally like, as it is not up to you. Bringing it up to her attention might make her feel you're unhappy with where you're at and it could cause more harm than anything.

See I don't want to rush her on this. It hurts that I don't feel she trust me, but it's something I can deal with if all she needs is time to see that I'm really not going to mistreat her and hurt her.

Just remember that her feelings are not more important or valid than yours. If you think giving her some time will help, do it. But don't be too passive about it if it does not improve with time. You don't deserve to pay the price for what some other asshole has done to her in the past.

To be fair, I think this bears repeating, a few months really isn't that long of a time.

I don't want to cast judgement because I don't know you, but if you can't go a few months without knowing the most intimate aspects of her life, you might have some insecurity or trust issues too. Sometimes we want people to give everything to us right away because it makes us feel more secure ourselves (i.e. I met her kid so now she's less likely to leave me)

To be fair, I think this bears repeating, a few months really isn't that long of a time.

I don't want to cast judgement because I don't know you, but if you can't go a few months without knowing the most intimate aspects of her life, you might have some insecurity or trust issues too. Sometimes we want people to give everything to us right away because it makes us feel more secure ourselves (i.e. I met her kid so now she's less likely to leave me)

Agreed, it's not a big issue for me, or at least wouldn't have been if not for some of the things she's said about guys that set me off worrying about whether she thought that way about me to or whether she made an exception for me. Since this my first normal relationship, one where I started datig the girl before we were friends or boning, I have been freaking myself out over things that I know I shouldn't be the instant I actually verbalize them or think them through.

__________________
BK

Quote:

Originally Posted by AcheTen

JPP is a better and more productive player than Brandon Graham

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaddon41_80

Is Shaun Hill a top 10 QB? Definitely not. Is he a top 20 one? Almost certainly.

Is it wrong/selfish that I don't want one of my best friends to date one of my girlfriend's best friends? I just don't want to blur the line between my friends and my girlfriend that much. Then, if that sours, I have to hear about the problems from both my buddy and my girlfriend via her friend. It's already annoying enough that they have a "thing". I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have nothing to hide from past relationships or anything like that, so I don't really know what it is that bothers me so much about it

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"Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey for whomever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya."

Is it wrong/selfish that I don't want one of my best friends to date one of my girlfriend's best friends? I just don't want to blur the line between my friends and my girlfriend that much. Then, if that sours, I have to hear about the problems from both my buddy and my girlfriend via her friend. It's already annoying enough that they have a "thing". I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have nothing to hide from past relationships or anything like that, so I don't really know what it is that bothers me so much about it

I've been in this exact situation before. When I started dating my ex, she obviously brought her friends around more and more, and one of my buddies started dating her best friend. Naturally, everything was ok when their relationship was ok, but as soon as things got rocky between the other couple, all of a sudden I was hearing about it from all angles. Definitely annoying and I absolutely sympathize, but at the same time they're grown ups and are entitled to do whatever the hell they want to. It was even more annoying when the other couple broke up before we did, that was a pain in the ass too.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Goosemahn

The APS is strong in this one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by killxswitch

Tears for Fears is better than whatever it is you happen to be thinking about right now.

Is it wrong/selfish that I don't want one of my best friends to date one of my girlfriend's best friends? I just don't want to blur the line between my friends and my girlfriend that much. Then, if that sours, I have to hear about the problems from both my buddy and my girlfriend via her friend. It's already annoying enough that they have a "thing". I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have nothing to hide from past relationships or anything like that, so I don't really know what it is that bothers me so much about it

I'd be more worried about trying to compete with the best friend. Like, if your best friend does something better than you, and your gf notices, that could bring problems. Personally, if they want to date, it's none of your business, but I can understand why you wouldn't like that.

Is it wrong/selfish that I don't want one of my best friends to date one of my girlfriend's best friends? I just don't want to blur the line between my friends and my girlfriend that much. Then, if that sours, I have to hear about the problems from both my buddy and my girlfriend via her friend. It's already annoying enough that they have a "thing". I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have nothing to hide from past relationships or anything like that, so I don't really know what it is that bothers me so much about it

Thanks. We will see what happens. Hopefully it all blows over within a couple weeks or so. Just so annoying right now.

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"Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey for whomever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya."

Met someone friday night who had a sister my mate chatted up, really cool chick who I actually had a really good conversation with, one of the first times that's happened with someone I wasn't friends with. Taking her to dinner on wednesday night.

Alright... Someone needs to help me find the logic in this, if there is any (Dealing with a female, so there already is almost no hope)...

What would cause a chick who I have never met to message me on FB, straight off the bat say we should hang out (I asked her number, could tell right away that's where it was going), then after no less than three texts, proceed to tell me she is down for anything when we get back to her place? And then after proceeding to tell me all of this, cancel last minute the first night, reschedule for the next night, then cancel last minute, reschedule for the next night, then not repond at all on the third night?

The funny thing is, I don't really care, I've never met this chick at all. I haven't texted her since yesterday. I just don't know whether or not I'm going to send a sarcastic text asking if its even worth trying to get together some other time, or just not ever even text her, but I'm thinking either are valid options at this point, lol.

I just highly doubt that's it. I've talked with her on FB a few times before (she always started it up) and could tell she was interested (never got her number or anything because I was with another chick before), and I can tell just by the texts that it wouldn't be a joke. Not that I'd even really care if it was, besides the wasted time. I'm going out with my nieghbor, nothing official really, which is why I even wasted my time texting this one.

Which brings up something else, me and my neighbor are going up to Penn State this weekend, and we're staying with her friends at her old apartment up there, and she's already joking saying how I might just be able to take advantage of her this weekend because of the drinking we'll be doing. I haven't done anything with this chick, but this weekend is looking positive for me, lol.