Sunday, May 20, 2018

I have admittedly felt a little low these days and have some days feel like it's hard to shake this emotional distress out. That is after I watched a video and I felt a little better and makes me think a little harder as well on how this emotional dilemma I'm facing is mostly self inflicted.Sometimes there are reasons why we are worried and sometimes there is no cause of worry but we still do so. Because of this self inflicted emotional state of mind, we fail to see what we have in life that we forget about but instead, should be grateful for.The video makes me realise that I let myself get carried away with emotions when I compare myself unconsciously with others and thinking how their lives seem to be way better than mine. I had the wrong focus. Instead, I should focus on me. Keep my mind occupied and doing things that matter to keep my mind away from feeling lost and helpless. In other words, focus on me. I know it sounds as though it's so egoistic but if you put it in the write context, you are just making sure that time matters on your side, by doing things you love or make you happy.For example, I should appreciate the fact that my cards are well received and that I should be thankful that I receive orders which help me to earn some money and keep my time occupied making them. And then reward myself with some time to watch Netflix or play some games when I'm done or almost done.Other things that make happy and look forward to are of course, my workout classes after work. In that one hour, I just forget about things that cause me to worry and feel low and just focus on getting the steps right and to enjoy myself while sweating my butt off.I also enjoy watching shows on Netflix. Some shows make me so trigger happy like my last post because they were so fun to watch. And then this issue about body confidence. I felt a little low as in I felt I didn't focus on making progress in terms of weight loss as compared to my other colleague who didn't do much except to cut down on so many food based on 'doctors' advice'. I put it in inverted commas because I highly doubt the doctor would restrict until like that and I highly suspect that it's just her doing it mostly for vanity for compliments.Look, I don't want to judge her whatsoever because it will just make me look bad because what I am doing is basically putting her down and making me feel worse off. As in, I will start to compare myself to her, like I just did in my last paragraph, and instead, I should actually focus on doing what is right for my health and body. It's her own prerogative and if she lives for the compliments, I don't really care. I don't stand to benefit anything. But I will benefit instead if I make better decisions on improving my life and being closer to God.I think a lot of this sense of low confidence we have is because we put ourselves down too much when we start to compare. In the video, the old lady was saying her secret to happiness is that she doesn't envy others or hate others. Don't you think the world will be a better place if many people have this mentality? So I don't hate people for saying things that upset me or judging me for all the wrong reasons. People can say what they want but we know it ourselves if we are really like that.But if we do, we take it as a learning point. Like how my brother pointed out my mistakes and even though I feel that it's not a 100% true, admittedly I wasn't being a good listener. So I tried to make it better by seeing from his point of view and give him my listening ear.And lastly, how I hate this nature of mine where I will calculate money down to the last dollar and then being quite obsessive over it. I don't think it's bad to know how much I have left but in a sense, I must be thankful as well with whatever I have, and to be less worrisome, I need to actually be more practical over things and not being too caught with consumerism. Because let's face it, the economy may be doing well and the price we are paying for it is the higher cost of living. And to be able to sustain ourselves in this economy, we have to play smart as well by making sure that we live within our means.So let's chill out, be more caring, adopt a positive attitude and be more practical with more focus on ourselves. Practise kindness and compassion and if you're a Muslim, and this being the holy month, let us have more focus on our spirituality too.

Monday, May 14, 2018

I have been a little off in life hence why for quite a period of time, I stopped updating this blog. But the struggles that I go through within me are somewhat lessen a little by the things that I read that inspire me or by learning from other people's examples. They help me cope with my daily life a little bit better and even though I am still not 100% in my element currently, I always tell myself that life goes on and I must continue to grow from strength to strength with each passing day.Recently, I have been watching Rupaul's Drag Race and it is one of those shows that you will simply binge watch because they were so good. Yes, the show is about men dressing up as women or in drag but in each episode, there is always something entertaining that keep us wanting to watch and see what happens next. And of course, just like any other reality shows, there is always drama between the queens (they're called that in the show) and how they are coping with the challenges. Because this is after all a competition and in any competition, it can bring out the best and the worst in us.But that aside, I loved how despite their challenges, such as not being a good singer, dancer, actor..yes, apparently, they have to do much more than just dress up in creative outfits and strut down the runway, at the end of it, they put out the most entertaining show ever despite their initial shortcomings. Of course, not everything is perfect and they are looking for that one stand out star so in almost each episode, each queen will have to 'sashay away'. But often, they leave with many great memories and sometimes they get even better than when they first came on board the show because RuPaul believes in their potential which is why they were there in the first place.Speaking of RuPaul, he dished out the best life advice one could ask for, especially when many of them came from various backgrounds that can be heart wrenching to hear. Obviously they look up to him as being a drag performer himself for many years, and building an empire from it, he has had many experiences and he shared his advice freely not just about drag but about overcoming their self doubt and the importance of self love at the end of each episode. As they shared their backstories, to the cameras or among themselves, I find myself in disbelief that they went through such difficult times in their lives and sometimes, still is. But being a drag performer keeps them going. It's like putting on some fabulous outfit, make up and some kick ass show and just being this completely different person living out their dreams and best life ever.Through the challenges that they were given each week, and through the advice given to them by the judges for every challenge, most of them will take them up as pointers to rise up to the next challenge. Therefore, judging can become harder when each queen makes great improvement each week although there will be those who still don't get it and keep playing it safe.Of course, not everyone takes advice kindly. But if it meant for us to improve and bring out the best in us, why not. Because if we don't have clarity in life, it is easy to drown ourselves in negativity. So back to my life right now which believe me, isn't always a bed of roses especially when I let self doubt overcome me.Often we fight our inner demons and even among the best of us, the inner demons or voice will tell us that we are not good enough. If we listen to this inner voice that tells us we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough..very soon we let this self doubt hinder us from achieving great things in life and limiting our experiences.We cannot keep sabotaging ourselves. We should in fact own it. Own this body, heart and soul. We are unique and different from other people and we should know our strengths and abilities and let them shine through. The more we embrace them, the more people will start to love us for who we are and the lesser we listen to the inner demons as we start to live the heck out of our life.People are always quick to judge or throw shade at us. Not everyone will like you just like how I know my colleague does not. I have nothing against her and while she can say things about me, I am fine with not being her bff, haha. In fact, I don't even want to. In life, you can choose your battle or even your friends. Those people that bring out the best in you, are supportive and believe in you, these are the one you should keep. Those that bring you down, are jealous of you or spread unkind words about you, you should distance yourself from them.Closing this, I would like to say that having clarity in life is also very important. Initially I was writing about how I sometimes feel lost but now I realised that I have put aside my list of things that I want to achieve or the traits that I want to embrace to become a better person. I have been to lazy to read them and yet, I am wondering why I feel so lost. Without clarity, there is no success. I am just going through the motion each day like a robot. So if something bad were to happen to me *touch wood* at the very least I know, that I have no regrets. So from now on, I will start to be more laser focused in life and even if I stumble and fall when life throws me some major curveballs, I will rise up again and like in the words of Mama Ru, "Don't F**k it Up" ;)

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Living Each Single Day

Hey, welcome to my little online space. I would say this is a blog of sorts, to help me sort out my thoughts. I also write about things going in my life with friends & family and being out and about in sunny Singapore. Life isn't easy, everyone knows that. While we are at it, don't forget to live life to the fullest :)