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May 11, 2009

Monday Round-Up

by Clerquette

After a busy few days, Clerquette is delighted to turn her attention back to all things Article III. Sadly, the new week begins with little news from the front regarding the Souter Replacement Watch ... unless, of course, an exciting tidbit awaits in Clerquette's inbox. (Please accept my apologies, dear readers: I'm still doing a bit of digging out.) Sadder yet, Clerquette doubts that she will find an "FYI" message from POTUS, or Nina Totenberg, in her mail. (Hint, hint.) Clerquette does, however, appreciate the dispatches from non-POTUS, non-Nina correspondents ... even if you have been somewhat dilatory with respect to sending in your homework assignments/thoughts on IMO SCOTUS Leaderboard: Match play v. Stroke Play. (Hint. Hint.)

One Groupie from the Eureka! State wrote to tell us about a Judicial Sight-ation. While few things make Clerquette and A3G happier, this one was a particular blogress-pleaser, since it involved A3G favorite Alex Kozinski (of the sprawling, lambent Ninth Circuit). Our tipster saw Judge Kozinski's magic act at the recent "First Annual Conference on Federal and State Appeals," in Los Angeles, and was appropriately delighted by the his speech, entitled "The Wrong Stuff," which addressed the fine points of "how to lose an appeal." It was, apparently, the best thing uttered by a California Superhottie in recent memory.

Our tipster tells us that a crowd of swooning fans (perhaps Article III Groupies and paparazzi yelling "Over here, Judge! Who are you wearing??") shouted to Kozinski as he exited stage left right, asking him when he expected to be called upon to consider filling the seat being vacated by Justice Souter. On information and belief, his Superhotness responded to say that he had already politely declined such an offer from BHO -- in order to appear at said bar function.

At the risk of stating the obvious, Clerquette would like to point out that Judge Kozinski's response to the above inquiry demonstrates a textbook-worthy command of social etiquette. Indeed, in addition to his brilliant legal mind and documented quantum of hotness, Judge Kozinski is clearly aware that etiquette consists not only of starting from the outside fork and working one's way in, but of making others feel special. Though we're reasonably certain that Judge Kozinski will not be appearing on the SCOTUS Leaderboard, A3G and I are nonetheless charmed by his gracious implication that nothing - not even a call to duty from POTUS himself - could keep him from a social commitment.

Another tipster wrote to us from the left coast ... by way of the Third Circuit. As some Groupies are aware, octogenarian Court of Appeals Judge Ruggero Aldisert accomplished the near-impossible several decades ago when he relocated his Pittsburgh chambers to Santa Barbara, California. Clerquette has no doubt that Judge Aldisert remains incredibly thankful for this salutary change of venue, which was occasioned by a doctor's recommendation that he relocate to a balmier jurisdiction after bypass surgery. Nonetheless, based on the Judge's reputation for being a formidable - and somewhat prickly - jurist, Clerquette speculates that if Judge Aldisert had been unable to move to a more temperate climate, he may have simply ordered Pittsburgh to shape up, or risk being held in contempt.

But Clerquette digresses. Judge Aldisert, it seems, was forced to flee the Jesusita fire that ravaged the Santa Barbara area. According to our tipster, the Judge was forced to evacuate his chambers along with "clerks Matt Bartlett and Meehan Rasch." Any more details, Groupies? Clerquette envisions Judge Aldisert, robes flowing, taking flight as flames licked the retreating feet of His Honor and clerks Bartlett and Rasch. Was the escape this dramatic ... and if so, when did Judge Aldisert pause to order the fire (in his most sonorous tone) to reverse course, consistent with his directions?