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Wisdom of the Reluctant Cougar
I'm about to share my accumulated wisdom after 40 years on
Earth as an American female human being. You might want
to have a pen handy.
1) A lot of our society’s paranoia and panic about age is
created by advertisers who use that fear of getting older to sell
“anti-aging” products. In reality, there are many benefits to
getting older. For example: A lot of people, although not
everyone, will treat you with more respect when you get older.
And, in general, people tend to have more money as they
mature. I know I do.
2) Almost everything tastes better with a little bit of blue
cheese dressing on it, including spaghetti with tomato sauce.
Try it!
3) A great way to prevent chapped lips is: As soon as you
get out of the shower while the bathroom is still steamy, take
your towel and use it to gently massage and exfoliate your lips.
Do this at least twice a week on average, more in the winter. I
count this as one of the best beauty tips I have ever learned as
it has ended my days of chapped lips.
4) Volunteer regularly for at least one charity.
Volunteering will not only help others, but it will remind you
that you are not the center of the universe and that we’re all in
this together. (Unless you happen to see your boyfriend with
another woman while you’re trying to do your part.)
5) No matter how good the original, most movie sequels
will suck. Hard! Which is why I refuse to even acknowledge
that sequels to "The Matrix" exist and plan to never, ever view
such sequels if I do acknowledge their existence.
6) Everything is fine is moderation. Think about it. Every
single study you read about coffee, sugar or wine consumption
or just about anything else (including being out in the sun,
exercising, watching television, playing video games) all seems
to lead to the same conclusion: A lot of things that people
think is bad for them can actually have positive benefits if
consumed/done/used in moderation. On the other hand,
watch out for studies. It seems as if almost every study that
ever proclaimed something as truth was proven false by a
subsequent study.
7) Everyone is addicted to something. The trick is to try
and be addicted to something healthy, such as moderate
exercise, as opposed to something unhealthy, such as crack
cocaine. And I do stress that I mean moderate exercise. I’ve
seen jogging fanatics who run miles daily and look as if they
are actually addicted to crack cocaine.
8) If there’s something you don’t feel like doing, such as a
project at work, break it down into less daunting segments.
For example, start by saying, “Today, I’m going to work on
getting the introduction to this report written, tomorrow I’m
going to work on the overall outline,” etc. A lot of times, when
you get started this way, you end up getting “into it” and
achieving more than planned.
9) Trust your instincts. For instance, if you meet someone
and don’t trust them for some reason you can’t quite pin down,
there’s probably a reason. I used to work with this guy when I
was a newspaper reporter. Pleasant demeanor, seemingly
ordinary man. But he made my skin crawl from the first
second I met him. It wouldn’t surprise me to pick up the
newspaper one day and find out he’s serial murderer.
10) Do not talk bad about anyone. Ever. Even with
someone you trust. Even if the other person is already talking
bad about them. It will always get back to the person being
talked about. Especially co-workers.
11) If you move away from where you grow up, one of the
things you will miss the most is the food. As mentioned, I
grew up on Long Island, New York. Now I live in the South
where I miss bagels, knishes, Entenmann’s chocolate chip
cake, Friendly’s and many other foods on a daily basis.
12) There is humor in almost every situation. Find it and
you will live a better life. Along those lines, don’t let failure get
you down. Watch any comedian. Most humor involves some
kind of failure. Failure to understand something, failure to fit
in, failure to find love, and so on.
13) Success is 50 percent talent and 50 percent drive.
Unless you’re Madonna. Then, it’s more like 25/75.
14) Be thankful for what you have. There are always other
people who have it way worse who would love to be in your
shoes. Cherish your family, your friends, your pets, your talents
and the pure, simple miracle of your very existence.
15) Strive to be a good person but know that sometimes it's
okay to be a bitch if someone provokes you, especially if you’re
protecting someone or something. For example, if my next
door neighbor comes on my property and chops down the
bushes along the fence that were providing shelter to baby
bunnies, I will wait till she’s not home but her husband is, put
on my sexiest pair of sweatpants and a white tee-shirt and
mow my lawn. I'm not saying anything is gonna happen, but I
will say that I sweat a lot when I mow.
All of the above combined knowledge has improved my
life a lot. Unfortunately, none of it helps make me anymore of
an expert at relationships than I was when I first starting
dating 25 years ago.