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Leno: ‘Blaming the Other Guy’

May 12, 2010 10:23 amMay 12, 2010 10:23 am

Monologue | Tuesday night on “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” on NBC: Hey, here’s some good news. The price of oil has dropped by $12 a barrel. I mean, why buy it when you can just scoop it out of the water, huh?

Oh, speaking of that. If anybody needs a 100-ton concrete containment dome, there’s one on eBay for 75 bucks.

Actually, you know, that stupid idea about using a giant concrete dome and putting it over the leak, well, that didn’t work. In fact, experts are calling this the worst use of a concrete dome since they built that stadium for the Detroit Lions.

Now they’re talking about trying to clog the leak up with garbage, like tires and golf balls. You know, where are the OxiClean people? Why don’t we bring them down? Why not use the miracle cleaning power of oranges? Where are those people? Let’s get the experts in here.

The three companies involved in the oil spill are Transocean, BP and Halliburton. They’re all blaming the other guy. I was stunned. Oil company executives passing the buck. It was just shocking.

Congress told BP they can’t label this catastrophic failure as an unpredictable and unforeseeable occurrence. See, Congress used that excuse for not catching the financial meltdown, so now they have to come up with their own excuse.

Greece has a huge economic crisis. Tourism’s down there. Government spending is up. And Greece hasn’t done anything in 2,000 years, really. I mean, other than that little to-go coffee cup in New York, there’s not a lot they’ve made.

Greece is a relatively small country. It would be like a state over here. But it overspends, it over borrows, it promises expensive pension plans, it over-taxes, it over-regulates business. So, the state it would be here would be California.

Not looking good around the world, folks. A top investment analyst says China’s economy will slow down and crash within the year. You know, they already have signs of trouble over there, too. Do you know the unemployment rate is a staggering 12 percent among 3-year-olds in China?

Well, in announcing this Elena Kagan as his nominee for the Supreme Court, President Barack Obama characterized Kagan as a “trailblazing leader.” The other Democrats said she was a wise choice because she had no paper trail.

Well, in Colorado one of the gubernatorial candidates has taken out a Craigslist ad to find a running mate. Is that a good idea? Hey, it didn’t work when John McCain tried it.

And our transportation secretary, a man named Ray LaHood, announced that we are going to reopen the U.S. border to Mexican trucks. Apparently they couldn’t squeeze enough people into vans anymore, so they’re going to trucks now.

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A note to readers: This post is the last for the Laugh Lines blog, started three years ago as a place for amusing stuff on the Web, curated to the sensibilities of Times readers. The blog’s end is a function of the reality of limited resources in a medium where any number of worthy experiments are possible, but all can’t be sustained.Rest assured, our regular, outside feed of editorial cartoons will remain available via links on The New York Times home page and the Crosswords & Games and Week in Review section fronts. Thanks to our loyal readers and contributors, and regrets. — The editorsRead more…

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