José Mourinho is already limbering up for Monday's big press conference, at which he will be officially re-introduced as Chelsea's manager and hold forth on topics ranging from him to all the people conspiring to stop him. And it could be that the foe who poses the biggest threat to his chances of more success at Stamford Bridge is his own special self. Has his self-obsession evolved to the stage where the only mastermind he deems worthy of striving to foil is José Mourinho? That, at least, would explain why there are rumours that his summer clear-out will include not just Fernando Torres and Demba Ba, but also Juan Mata, Chelsea's best player of the last two seasons.

Incoming at the Bridge, meanwhile, are Edinson Cavani, Xabi Alonso and the Porto centre-back Eliaquim Mangala, at least that's what it says here.

The summer, of course, is the time for Premier League clubs to shine You see, they can actually compete in Europe. Accordingly, Manchester City are preparing for next season's Champions League chastening by lining up a large bid for Milan's Stephan El Shaarawy, whom City hope will not seek advice from his strike partner, Mario Balotelli. City also want Real Madrid's Angel Di María.

Robert Lewandowski could be set for a shock move to the Premier League after Borussia Dortmund refused to sell him to Bayern Munich. The 24-year-old Poland striker has been strongly linked with Manchester United.

At least that's what some organs have extrapolated from Borussia Dortmund's declaration that the striker will not be sold to Bayern Munich. You'd think there would be other clubs interested in the Pole too, but not Arsenal, it seems, as they're still focusing on Gonzalo Higuaín – mind you, they will have to readjust their sights if Juventus nab the Argentinian instead. And that's not the end of the Old Lady's meddling in Arsène Wenger's affairs: for Juve are also going to pip Arsenal to the signing of Steven Jovetic.

Brendan Rodgers, Michael Laudrup and Roberto Martínez are going to duke it out for … no, wait, that doesn't quite seem their style. Brendan Rodgers, Michael Laudrup and Roberto Martínez are going to stage a fencing tournament to decide who gets to sign Arouna Koné from Wigan. Martínez also fancies being reunited with Victor Moses and will politely ask Chelsea to sell him to Everton.

Liverpool are also poised to complete the signing of the winger Luis Alberto from Sevilla.

Oh, and Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United, Gareth Bale, Real Madrid. Search engine optimisation is in full effect across all media again today.