Bush Unveils New Terrorist Strategy

The FBI is looking for a few good men.

Dicks need not apply.

Osama is nowhere to be found so Bush pulls another fast one and declares war on porn.

Bush was recently quoted as saying:

“Heck, we gotta have a war we can win. It’s good for the country’s morale and makes me look busy”.

Bush went on to add that America needs a diversion from Iraq and New Orleans, and so he decided porn was the logical choice:

“The time has come to clean up the internet from pimple-faced terrorist geeks who have nothing better to do than gawk at air-brushed cyber-chicks and make fun of me in their blogs.”

Evidently the real impetus for Bush’s change of strategy is his anger with bloggers. And this time he means business:

“We’re gonna root them out, and attack all the ISP’s that harbour them, and all those who have linked to them.”

Bush’s bravado knows no bounds, and as if that weren’t enough he went on further to say:

“We will smoke them out from behind their computers. We will capture their IP addresses dead or alive” said Bush.

According to sources the FBI has even partnered with the RIAA and Disney because of their vast expertise in tracking down and prosecuting cyber criminals.

“Their days are numbered. If they think they can run and hide from the United States and our allies they will be sorely mistaken”.

Crikey. I don’t know about you but I’m uninstalling Kazaa tonight! Here’s a tip from the FISK. Call your broker right away and buy stock in Playboy magazine. Circulation should see an immediate and HUGE increase in size. Because size is everything.

“I guess this means we’ve won the war on terror,” said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. “We must not need any more resources for espionage.”

“The FBI is joining the Bush administration’s War on Porn. And it’s looking for a few good agents. The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against “manufacturers and purveyors” of pornography — not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults.”

“Among friends and trusted colleagues, an experienced national security analyst said, “it’s a running joke for us.” A few of the printable samples:

“Things I Don’t Want On My Résumé, Volume Four.”

“I already gave at home.”

“Honestly, most of the guys would have to recuse themselves.”

Gosh I feel safer already!

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Would you believe it? As I was writing this piece the site went down.

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This article is provided courtesy of the daily FISK! All rights reserved.chked:NB

This was one of the funniest posts I’ve seen in ages. I stumbled on your blog and nearly pissed myself. I dunno how you do it. You post shit like this almost everyday? Don’t you have a real job?? just kidding, keep up the good work champ! I hope you get discovered by saturday night live or something cause that show has turned into pure crap. It could use some help fisk style! ha ha!