I have fantasized about anal sex for years, and I finally think I have the courage to ask my wife to do it. What’s the best way to bring it up with her?

I think communication about sex is specific to the individuals involved, so there’s no one rule that will work for everyone. If you and your partner speak openly and directly about sex, then, by all means, be open and direct about your anal desires. If you’re unsure about how your partner may respond, then you might want to bring it up in a more indirect way; for example, “I just read something about anal sex in a magazine — what do you think of it?” rather than “I want to do this to you now” — which may feel more threatening or intimidating. It’s important for you to make your request as pressure-free as possible, and give her the opportunity to voice her concerns, if she has any. The one rule that I think can apply to all couples is that you shouldn’t bring up the subject in the middle of sex; pick a time and place that’s neutral for both partners.

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