Torah with Morrie 11: Learn How to Die; Learn How to Live

Are you ready to die today?

"'Everybody knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently,' Morrie said. 'So we kid ourselves about death,' I (Mitch) said. 'Yes, but there's a better approach. To know you're going to die and be prepared for it at any time. That's better. That way you can be actually be more involved in your life while you're living. . . Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, 'Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?... The truth is, Mitch, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live… Most of us walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We really don't experience the world fully because we're half asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do... Learn how to die, and you learn how to live.'" -- Tuesdays with Morrie

Have you ever experienced something so memorable that it is impossible to forget it? Most of us forget a large percentage of the people we meet, the places we go, the events we experience. But certain things stick out in our minds and are never forgotten. Why? What's special about those memorable times?

In the Hebrew language, the word for remember is zachor. There is a principle in Hebrew that phonetic sounds and letters are inter-related regarding their meaning. Consequently, although the word sagar means 'to close,' sagar and zachor are connected in the depth of their connotations (the 's' and 'z' are phonetically close, as are the 'g' and 'ch'). When we remember an event, it is because we originally closed off that occurrence in our minds and locked it in as supremely meaningful.

When we are experiencing our wedding day or our graduation, we connect so powerfully to the celebration that it is as if our psyche is taking a continuous photo session. We store these numerous memories in the 'picture album' of our mind, locking them in and never forgetting them.

There don't seem to be too many days or happenings that we lock in like this. How can we produce more experiences and days to be lived as powerfully? Morrie tells us: Learn how to die, and you learn how to live.

If we truly lived with that little bird on our shoulder asking us if we are ready to die today, we would bond so strongly with every event in our lives. We would appreciate every sunset, every walk around the block, every phone call from our parents, every conversation with our friends, every culinary delight, and so on. Each instant of life would be laced with urgency and passion. We would remind ourselves of the significance that every human experience can yield. We would pinch ourselves regularly as a reminder to appreciate the moment. We would make all days and events meaningful and memorable -- even the so called monotonous ones.

By living each day as if it could be our last, we relate to each life experience passionately, powerfully, and memorably.

This is what is meant by a Talmudic statement that has perplexed many throughout the ages: "Whoever wants to live, must make himself dead" (Tamid 32a).

What does this mean? Judaism teaches that we must embrace life, seize the world and conquer it. How can it be advantageous to make ourselves like we are dead?

The explanation is: Learn how to die, and you learn how to live. By living each day as if it could be our last, we relate to each life experience passionately, powerfully, and memorably.

On the last Shabbat of every Jewish month, we recite a beautiful prayer expressing our hopes and dreams for the coming month. In this prayer, we say, 'God, please grant us a long life.' The question should be obvious: How is it possible to live a long life in one month's time? A month lasts for 30 days. It would make sense for us to request to live out the month, the complete 30 days, but what do we mean when we ask for long life for a month's time?

It is possible to live many years and yet live a short life. It is feasible to live few years and yet live a long life. As a wise man once said, "Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." A month could be one full of long life or it can be a short-lived month. Both months last 30 days. The difference between them lies in how many meaningful moments were created during those 30 days. Thus, we ask God every month to help us experience our lives fully lived.

Whether we imagine the little bird on our shoulder or not, let's keep this in our consciousness: when we learn how to die, we will learn how to live.

About the Author

Rabbi Boruch Leff is a vice-principal at Torah Institute in Baltimore. "Are You Growing?" (Feldheim), his just released book, is a must read if you want to grow spiritually. Click here for info on the book.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 8

(8)
Yochanan,
October 22, 2012 9:26 AM

I am experiencing great tsuris from a VERY acrimonious divorce. I only see my children once a week for an hour in a Therapeutic Visitation. But for that hour, such memories! For the whole week, in my memories,I see them and remember each word, each look, each minute. If I had only known the value of each second spent with them things may have turned out differently. But no regrets, just gratitude for the awareness of the beauty and majesty of each minute I can spend with them. Baruch Ha Shem for such wonderful minutes.

(7)
Miryam,
August 3, 2005 12:00 AM

Thank you

Rabbi, thank you for this article. Is true we need to learn how to live and appreciate every little thing and every moment and yes, live each day as if were the last.

(6)
Anonymous,
July 24, 2005 12:00 AM

Meaning of Memorable?

I noticed that Rabbi Leff enumerated one's wedding day or graduation as memorable days. However, I have met numerous people who claim not to remember much from such large events. Sure they remember the basic parts, and maybe a few select details. But as a whole, they cannot replay the whole event from beginning to end.

Yet people like this can sometimes describe another event with vivid details that may appear to the listener as one of less significance.

So are the abstract memories that people have, that are of seemingly less significance, at all in rank with ones that most certainly are important? If not, then why does our brain choose to grasp these events with so much detail, rather than more important ones? Is there a way to control this?

(5)
meir shapiro,
July 24, 2005 12:00 AM

What a "great" life

If you put a gun to my head, and threaten to shut if I do a wrong move, then I will also remember that my whole life, but what type of life is that?
And the same here; if you think you might die every day, it will make you remember your life, but what type a life is that, when all your thinking about is your death?

(4)
Shushannah Dunklin,
July 23, 2005 12:00 AM

Terminal was the greatest word I ever heard.

Several years ago I was told that with my particular condition at the stage that it was at, I had maybe five years to live. The bird came to my shoulder, it made me think of what I would regret if I never did it when I died. The first one was never seeing Jerusalem, the second was never taking horse back riding lessions. Due to that little bird, I am happy to report that I have been to Jerusalem twice, and I have been riding for three years. In a more recent visit to the doctor, he said all bets were off, I could live to be 100 or another 59 years whichever comes first.

Take to heart what this article says and embrace today, hold fast to the memories. You never know when the people and places that you take for granted will be taken from you, or you from them.

(3)
Anonymous,
July 21, 2005 12:00 AM

meaningful article

I have not thought of living and dying in this way. Thank you, Rabbi. Of course, living is hard, bad things happen, sometimes we make bad things happen. Of course, learning to live life must be the answer. Thank you again.

(2)
Anonymous,
July 19, 2005 12:00 AM

Thanks for inspiring us towards a more meaningful life.

(1)
Rachel,
July 17, 2005 12:00 AM

learn how to live

I agree fully with this article. Being a survivor of clinical death-I live each day, one day at a time, each hour, minute by minute, and each second as if it were my last. I don't fear death when it comes; because I have made the most of every precious moment in my life.

My nephew is having his bar mitzvah and I am thinking of a gift. In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walkman, and today an iPod. But I want to get him something special. What do you suggest?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and enables one to better perform the mitzvot! (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.)

With that in mind, my favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regular basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution -- in your home town or in Israel (every Jews’ “home town”). There are beautiful tzedakah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here.

For boys, a really beautiful gift is a pair of tefillin, the black leather boxes which contain parchments of Torah verses, worn on the bicep and the head. Owning a pair of Tefillin (and wearing them!) is an important part of Jewish identity. But since they are expensive (about $400), not every Bar Mitzvah boy has a pair. To make sure you get kosher Tefillin, see here.

In 1944, the Nazis perpetrated the Children's Action in the Kovno Ghetto. That day and the next, German soldiers conducted house-to-house searches to round up all children under age 12 (and adults over 55) -- and sent them to their deaths at Fort IX. Eventually, the Germans blew up every house with grenades and dynamite, on suspicion that Jews might be in hiding in underground bunkers. They then poured gasoline over much of the former ghetto and incinerated it. Of the 37,000 Jews in Kovno before the Holocaust, less than 10 percent survived. One of the survivors was Rabbi Ephraim Oshri, who later published a stirring collection of rabbinical responsa, detailing his life-and-death decisions during the Holocaust. Also on this date, in 1937, American Jews held a massive anti-Nazi rally in New York City's Madison Square Garden.

Love comes from "giving to someone." When you do altruistic acts of kindness, you are giving the other person part of yourself. You will therefore feel love for the recipient of your acts of kindness - because you will find yourself included in the other person and you will identify with him. Just as you love yourself, so too will you love the other person.

The ultimate level to strive for is that even if someone wrongs you, you will view it the same as if someone's right hand accidentally cut their own left hand. Of course while you will try to prevent this from happening, you will not take revenge on your own hand!!

The degree of love as you have for yourself is the degree of love we should have for others.

Today, think of a specific person who would gain greatly from your being more giving. (If you can't think of anyone, that person might be you...)

Although actions generally have much greater impact than thoughts, thoughts may have a more serious effect in several areas.

The distance that our hands can reach is quite limited. The ears can hear from a much greater distance, and the reach of the eye is much farther yet. Thought, however, is virtually limitless in its reach. We can think of objects millions of light years away, and so we have a much greater selection of improper thoughts than of improper actions.

Thought also lacks the restraints that can deter actions. One may refrain from an improper act for fear of punishment or because of social disapproval, but the privacy of thought places it beyond these restraints.

Furthermore, thoughts create attitudes and mindsets. An improper action creates a certain amount of damage, but an improper mindset can create a multitude of improper actions. Finally, an improper mindset can numb our conscience and render us less sensitive to the effects of our actions. We therefore do not feel the guilt that would otherwise come from doing an improper act.

We may not be able to avoid the occurrence of improper impulses, but we should promptly reject them and not permit them to dwell in our mind.

Today I shall...

make special effort to avoid harboring improper thoughts.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...