55 minute meditation journal

04 January 2018 8:39 AM

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Morning sit. I awoke with a strong feeling of panic, making knots in my throat and belly. I was not sure where it came from. It felt as if it was sparked off by some current stuff, but seemed completely out of proportion so I suspected it was old. Began with really slow bows, with lots of pauses till I could feel what was going on, while doing the soothing breathing exercises. A strong feeling of I can‘t do it, came up, from me around six years of age. I sat with this child for sometime, holding her and telling her it was okay to feel that way. Once this feeling had passed I continued with the slow bows and this feeling in my belly, and what come up was a very deep fear of abandonment. It was very old and did not feel safe to come out completely, except in some trembling. It was much harder to soothe which I guess is also why it stayed hidden. I kept breathing and holding this feeling until I felt a sense of peace.