Because knowing myself is harder than I expected.

Am I Wrong?!

Here was the conversation I had tonight on blog comments. I don’t know if I was wrong, I don’t think I was. The last comment will be a rebuttal that I didn’t post on her site because I didn’t want to engage in anymore foolishness. My part is bolded, and starting with her comment that incited the conversation:

“Now in the last seven years we have had the highest corporate profit ever in American history. Highest corporate profit! We’ve had the highest productivity! The American worker has produced more per person at any time, but it hasn’t been shared, and that’s the problem because we have been guided by a republican administration who believes in this simplistic notion that people who have wealth are entitled to keep it and they have an antipathy towards the means of redistributing wealth.” – Jim Moran, Congress-VA Democrat

If you voted for Obama…you’re a moran moron.

Just remember Proverbs 21:1. And please don’t call me a moron. I’m actually pretty intelligent, God-fearing and involved in my evangelical church. And I would hate for you to be judged for your judgment here.

Maybe instead of calling names, you’d like to hit your knees. Here are some suggestions as to how to pray for him:http://fireinmybones.com/

Heather:

I’m very familiar with Proverbs 21. How about you read 1 Samuel, chapter 8.

jules

I don’t find it to be at all applicable, since the people asked for a king instead of going to God. Those people HAD the Lord as a King, but looked aside. Moreover, the prayers of a righteous man were heard by the Lord, and though we don’t know what exactly Samuel prayed, it’s clear that he was all kinds of mad. Isn’t the prophecy of Samuel what we’ve reaped since the time if Saul’s kingdom? And indeed before that, since the fall, just not in organized fashion? I don’t believe that we’d have freedom from that even if we didn’t have a “king” in this country because of the generational precedent set into motion by the Israelites.

I hope you repent of your name-calling, although I want you to know that I personally forgive you for it. It’s no fun being on the wrong side of God, I’ve been there.

And, that’s where you are right now, Heather.

How do you figure? I prayed and prayed about this choice. I wonder, humbly, how you see fit to judge me. Discerning is one thing. Rebuking is one thing, within the context of a relationship. You’re calling millions and millions of people, some your brothers and sisters in Christ, morons. I say again, I forgive you. I forgive you what appears to be hardness of heart. I forgive you what appears to be your lack of belief that God is indeed sovereign. I forgive you your rage and hatred, however it comes. I hope that you’re able to meet with Him and get some resolution. If you’re really this upset, I hope you’re able to pour your heart out to the Lord and allow Him to be the balm of Gilead. We’re called to joy, and all I hear in your words is grief. The Lord will never turn against a broken and contrite heart.

Father God, It’s clear that Jules is hurting right now. I ask that you would send Your Holy Spirit to ring her peace in this circumstance. I ask that you would make her soft and moldable as she seeks to stand firm for Your ways. I ask that she allow Your gospel to be the offensive thing, Lord, not she herself. I don’t know if she seeks to offend Lord, or if her cannot see her folly. Father, I ask that she not be a stumbling block for others in her vitriol, but that somehow, some way, you would make light out of darkness. I ask you to sweep out any place that has sown hatred and anger Lord, so that she doesn’t not have to reap what she has sown with her words. Your Word says that what is in the heart pours from the lips, so please change her heart. Have mercy on her, have mercy on me, have mercy on us all. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If you can cast your ballot for a man who openly and proudly contends and defends the practice of slaughtering unborn children while still in their mother’s womb, you are not my sister in Christ.

The blood of those innocents is on your hands, Heather.

You know what, the blood of those innocents IS on my hands. Would you like to know why? Because I had an abortion. Yep, that’s right. I’m a baby killer, a murderer. I was in college, and I did not know the Lord. So throw your stone. Go ahead, I can take it.

Do you think that I haven’t cried oceans of tears for the child I murdered? Do you think that I haven’t looked into the eyes of my living children and wondered what my son would’ve been like? Do YOU think you know ANYTHING about making that choice? Because I’ve made it. And I’ve made the wrong one. And I live with it every. single. God-included day of my LIFE. When my youngest cries to nurse, do you think my breasts don’t long to nurse the one I sent to the grave? When my oldest dances, do you THINK I don’t wish I could have seen my boy off to his first day of school? When my son slings his arm around my neck, do you THINK I don’t weep for the chance to hold him, tell him that I was wrong, and to please, please, for the love of God Almighty, forgive me?

Oh wait, that’s right. Jesus, the perfect One, the holy One, is my pardon. You? You’re a sad and angry woman who I pray will one day learn about grace. The grace of the ONLY perfect one. The only one whose ballot matters.

In disagreements, we “leave a grace space for your former enemy to become your present friend”. I will leave you a grace space. And again I forgive you.

So…let me see if I follow your logic…

You chose to slaughter your unborn child, but have since received the gift of grace which comes from the Lord Jesus Christ alone. Though forgiven, you live with the natural consequences of your sin each day. It is an unrelenting, never diminishing pain which words cannot convey. It is a torture that few can understand and from which you will be freed only when you enter glory.

So, naturally you voted for a man who staunchly defends the right of women to do the same.

I’m not pro-choice. I just happen to prioritize other issues more highly. Social programs, helping the poor and downtrodden. God is a God of life, but life for all. I also think there are much better ways to combat abortion rather than legislatively. Women will still abort even if it’s illegal. And they to will die from botched ones, from sepsis and bleeding out, therefore having no chance at redemption.

I don’t think that people who haven’t faced the choice have any idea what it’s like. An opinion, sure. But an uninformed one. And that’s ok, I prefer that people wouldn’t be in the situation I was in. Make no mistake, unless you’ve been in my shoes, you do not understand. I pray that no one in your family ever finds him or herself with that same blood on his or her hands. In a choice between bad and worse, I’m not a single issue voter. I prayerfully made my choice. I stand by my choice before the Lord with fear and trembling. Because unlike you, I acknowledge that I might’ve chosen incorrectly (in this and many, many other areas), and ask the Lord to make beauty of my mess.

“God is a God of life, but life for all.”

Except for the lives of 48,589,993 babies who’ve been slaughtered since 1973. Thanks to the mess made by loving, non-judgmental, graceful, moral, pious and ultra-forgiving “Christians” like you.

Whoa nelly. So this clearly got ugly, though I tried to be calm, rational, and loving in everything I said. But on my way to Elijah House tonight, I crafted a response I didn’t intend to send her, but just to get it out of my body. Here it is:

Thank you! I wondered why I was so invested in you seeing me as a believer, as a sister. Then I realized that your words were those of the enemy. The one who came to steal my joy and destroy my witness. I realized that you were just the devil’s mouthpiece, taunting and jeering and seeking to disqualify me. My unforgiveness of self didn’t allow the blood of Christ to do its work in my heart.

I don’t have to defend myself. I am indefensible. I thank God that, in Christ, I have my shelter, my strong tower. “He who is forgiven much loves much”. Like Christ, I’m being persecuted by the religious when I stand holy and blameless before Him. I hope that you’ve done at least one thing in your life for which you’ve received deep, deep grace-unmerited favor. Otherwise, you see no need for a Savior and are an idolater, making a god of your own “holiness”. The Word says that our righteousness is as filthy rags to the Lord. I wish you grace that your heart knows. I wish you humility, as I don’t wish your pride to cause you to fall. I don’t desire you to commit the sin of judgment on my behalf, so I bow out. I will pray for your healing, and also for the absoluteness of God’s laws to be manifest and visible in your life.

I wanted someone to say, “Oh heather, you’re right, she’s just mean”. Partly because, well, I like being right. Partly because I wonder, am I trampling on grace? Am I outside of the will of God by voting my conscience and not how the religious right would have me vote? Wait, did I just fall victim to voter intimidation after the fact?! Spiritual abuse. THAT is the mark of the enemy. The enemy will use anything, anything, to render us ineffective. Infighting, backbiting, it’s all ugly. It’s all unholy.

The blood of the only innocent that’s on my hands is the one of my own son. I don’t choose anyone else’s abortion, and each woman who has made that choice will have to give an account for it. If I boast, I boast in Christ. If the Son has set me free, I am free, indeed. Thank you Jesus, For removing my sin as far as the east is from the west. May I, may we all, live in a manner befitting that call.

OK, so I’m not posting the link to her blog to continue the drama, but because she has a copyright on her blog, and I want to do things by the rules. So if you actually want to read this mess, here’s Jules

By troll, I mean: “An Internet troll, or simply troll in Internet slang, is someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum or chat room, with the intention of provoking other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion.” Thank you, Wikipedia 🙂

dearest heather,i’ve been following the whole jules post and comments and have been appalled and saddened that someone who claims to be a Christian can be so mean and ugly.i came over to your blog last night because not only did i agree with what you said but your words and heartache touched my heart. i couldn’t find an email address and didn’t know how to tell you how i felt. i’m so glad you posted this today.you are so remarkably brave to post part of your painful past there on that blog and then again here. i hope it speaks to many. it’s such a story of love and forgiveness. i couldn’t believe jules threw it back in your face.thank you for sharing your heart, for speaking truth, and for standing up for God’s true nature. i pray others will see God through you and not be turned away by her. thank you.

Hey girl….I think the word troll is actually quite generous to this person.I didn’t vote for Obama, but then I didn’t vote for McCain either. I think that this is your site and while I’m glad you are open to the potential of debate it would appear that Sister needs to get over herself.I can see both sides to this and respect you for having a bit of class which this other person, blogger or not, does not.

Diana, thank you so much for posting. I appreciate the support and was hoping I didn’t come across as a know-it-all or snot.Just a bit of class, eh Kimi? Darn, I gotta work on classing it up a little bit more. Of course, perhaps the classiest thing would’ve been not to reply at all. I have so much to learn! 😀

Hey, Heather!Your post today got me fired up for many reasons. No, I did not vote for Barack Obama… for multiple reasons beyond abortion… However, this woman’s comments outraged me! So much so that I had to stop in and leave my own thoughts on the matter. Don’t worry–I did some serious editing before I actually posted my comments. It was hard not to join in her critical spirit, especially when she was picking on one of my friends AND fellow sisters in Christ. At any rate, I wanted to thank you for the website about praying for Obama. Was I pleased with the results of the election? Not really. Was I a staunch McCain supporter? Not exactly. However, your link to that website humbled me. No matter what the outcome of the election would have been, my Christian duties were always meant to pick up where my Civic duties left off.