spanking or no spankings

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Marianne - posted on 05/02/2009

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My dad hit us with wooden spoons, a belt or his fist. His favorite was to grab us by the ears and pull us over to what he wanted us to see. He screamed and yelled constantly. All that taguht me was to be scared of him. So, Yeah, it surely made me NOT do the stuff the other kids were doing wrong, eg: smoking, stealing, staying out past curfew, lying, etc.......but I haven't talked to my dad for 20 years either. Once I was old enough to realize what a jerk of a father he was, I told him where to "stick it" I have a 5 year old and I've never had to spank her ONCE. I use consistancy and positive reinforcement. I praise her when she does something good, not scream when she's acting up.

Depends. There's a difference between a spanking and abuse. When my children were with me, I used a three strikes and "your out" in my household. The age I think is best to start this is between the ages of three and four. My children (who are now adults) thinks this is a great idea because now my daughter is a mother of two. She uses it and I enforce it when my grandchildren visit with me. Remarkably, I get the same response from them as my children did when I was raising them. The trick is to not get worn down and agitated, and children will try you until they do. You must let them know and also show them with no uncertain terms that your instructions are to be followed to the letter, if not, consequences will happen that will not make them feel very good, as it will be when they become an adult because they refuse to listen and heed instruction.

The first strike was when when my children did something wrong for the first time. Not knowing something they did was wrong the first time is discussed with them. No need to spank because it's the first time they did it and didn't know. We continued to talk until I felt they could assure me they understood what I needed them to understand. I would make them repeat what was discussed to be sure they understood the conversation. If they understood my explanation the first time and didn't do it again, it was called a mistake. From the mistake, they learned the harm it could've caused them and possibly others. Now it's no longer a mistake, but a lesson to keep with them as they grow.

If they did it again after the first time, this is the second strike. Another discussion took place by going over what was talked about the first time, only a little something was added to enforce my explanation from the first time; example: a weekend sleepover to their friends home is now cancelled, or the new truck that was going to be purchased is now put on hold. That time was now to be spent thinking about what they did wrong, and HOW THEY PLANNED ON CORRECTING IT BECAUSE I CORRECTED IT THE FIRST TIME (I usually sent them to their bedroom. All activities that they enjoyed was now cut off. This was not the time for playing and being with friends - AT ALL). Depending on the age of my children, appropriate time was given for them to think, only they don't know it. When I called them out of their room for their explanation to fix the problem and it wasn't what I THOUGHT was appropriate to alleviate the problem, they had to go back and think some more. They were off the hook when I said so and not until then (my children never knew when I would let up, and believe me they tried very hard to wear me down, but I was one system they couldn't buck). I didn't scream or holler at them, and they would cry, and I allowed the tears. They were angry, and I allowed the anger, but when they directed their anger toward me, I strongly reminded them of who put them in their predicament and warned them of the invisible line they should not dare cross. But before I sent them back to think some more, I would ask them to come and hug me. They wouldn't. I had some very stubborn children when they were not liking their situation. If they didn't feel like it, I would say, "Fine. Then I'm going to hug you." They would back up and scream and tell me no. They even tried to run from me. They didn't want my hugs. I'd go to them anyway and hug their little bodies and kiss their faces until I got a giggle (or at least a little smile) and still sent them back to their room with this, "I still love you, even when you want to make the same mistake twice. So, since you wanted to make the same mistake, I'm still going to love you, only this time, I'm loving you real hard." I let them know that it meant I had to make an unpopular decision that would help them, even if they didn't think so right then. That usually took away the sting between us, and it made them go back to their rooms and actually think about what they did, as opposed to just sitting in there sulking and thinking of anything right up there with stupid, mindless thoughts just to get out of their rooms and play. It was very rare that I had to go to the third strike, which was a strong and stern reprimand and a couple of swats on their behinds, and punishment of being inside the house with me and going everywhere with me instead of with their friends. Punishment was according to what they did wrong. Whenever they asked how long they had to be on punishment, I always told them until I say it's over. I never gave them a timeframe (it was usually a couple of days to a couple of weeks, but to a child that's like an eternity). I can count on one hand the number of times I had to spank my children, and I don't use all of my fingers. By the time my children became teenagers, they told me something I never thought I'd hear. We were home on the weekend with nothing to do but talk and laugh with each other. I decided to order out for dinner, and when I stood up from the couch, my daughter and son called me. I turned around, and my daughter said, "Mom, if you were our age, we'd hang out with you." My son responded, "For real Mom." A 14 and a 16 year old! What teenager in their right mind wants to hang out with their mother? I understood what they meant, and I hold their comments as close to my heart as I do them. Nothing in the stores could ever come close to those two statements.

In my opinion we mothers make one mistake that we don't even realize; we think of those little souls as "our children" when in fact first and foremost, they're people, only smaller. "Spare the rod, spoil the child" doesn't mean we should beat our children for every little thing they do wrong. If that's the case, then we all should've been beaten to the very inch of our lives. If you look at your child as a person first, then you'll be able to relate to them what you're hoping they would get - the understanding of right and wrong, and the heart to quickly forgive and treat their neighors and friends as they would like to be treated, because eventually, they will reach the age of accountability and will find out that this world does not love them as you do, but they must live in it to get along with those who may be obstacles in their path, and how they come to learn some of life's hardest lessons weren't so bad to deal with.

Well, I used to be a spanker, now I really try not to spank my son at all......the theory is if your child is getting everything they need (I don't mean material things, I mean enough attention) then they want to be good for you. There's this thing called attachment & the more I learn about it, the more it makes sense. I notice that if I've been really busy & haven't spent much time for my son, then he acts out, if I take a little bit of time out of my day to spend with him, good quality time, I find he's all around better behave. I started to read "The Discipline Book" by Dr. William Sears & his wife who's a nurse, they've also raised something like 8 children of their own, I've found it very interesting. But it's also a matter of choice for families.

I absolutely agree with this. I have had this exact experience with my children. My oldest, especially, is very strong willed. If I pay attention to her and shower her with love, not only does she do her best to please me, but she is also wonderful toward her little sister. I am also a believer in attachment parenting in pretty much any degree. I don't do some of the practises because they don't work for my husband and I, but I think the underlying ideas in attachment parernting make a lot of sense.

To those of you who are on the fence about this: PLEASE DO NOT SPANK. Try everything else first. I believe that spanking is harmful, maybe not obviously, but I think you kill off a little bit more of your child every time you do it. You may think you turned out fine, but who knows how much richer (not in material goods) your life could have been had you been disciplined some other way.

Well, I used to be a spanker, now I really try not to spank my son at all......the theory is if your child is getting everything they need (I don't mean material things, I mean enough attention) then they want to be good for you. There's this thing called attachment & the more I learn about it, the more it makes sense. I notice that if I've been really busy & haven't spent much time for my son, then he acts out, if I take a little bit of time out of my day to spend with him, good quality time, I find he's all around better behave. I started to read "The Discipline Book" by Dr. William Sears & his wife who's a nurse, they've also raised something like 8 children of their own, I've found it very interesting. But it's also a matter of choice for families.

I absolutely agree with this. I have had this exact experience with my children. My oldest, especially, is very strong willed. If I pay attention to her and shower her with love, not only does she do her best to please me, but she is also wonderful toward her little sister. I am also a believer in attachment parenting in pretty much any degree. I don't do some of the practises because they don't work for my husband and I, but I think the underlying ideas in attachment parernting make a lot of sense.

I do not believe spanking teaches a child anything, least of all why it is that what they did was wrong. When you spank you teach a child only to obey through fear of being hit. You are also saying to them, "Yes, I may be the adult, but the only way I know how to deal with you is by hitting you" I do not feel I can teach my son not to hit, and that hitting it wrong, if I in turn hit him. My mother spanked my brother and I as punishment, and guess what? As soon as we became teenagers, and were too big to hit, she lost all control, and we lost all respect for her authority! Donna Hebb is totally right on, I started "time out" with my son when he was one, and he understands why he is there when put in it. Also counting to three will work with him, because when I say it, I mean it! If I get to three, and the behavior has not stopped, he is put in time out! Now, I rarely get to 3. If you are not consistant, your child will know that they don't always have to obey. Spanking and discipline are NOT the same thing.

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Rebecca - posted on 02/16/2011

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we believe in spanking in our home but only for young kids for example it would be inappropriate for my husband to give his 11 year-old daughter a swat on the the butt and frankly it just doesn't work for older kids, I know this from experience with my parents, but if a 2 year-old is doing something dangerous a swat on the butt works better then time-out, at least it does for my kids, my husband talked to social services about it to find out what was allowed and was told that spanking was allowed if it followed certain guidelines, one swat with an open hand no spoons sticks or anything of the sort not on bare skin and not hard enough to cause bruising or tenderness. my parents would spank with a belt on bare skin and that is abuse if you can not control yourself and get angry easily you should not spank

NO spanking.Get a hold of your emotions and the situation and don't take it out on your kids. The majority of the time it's our fault as parents. They're overtired, distracted, bored or just not in good mood for some reason and we EXPECT them to mind no matter what. As adults if we are in bad moods, don't want to listen or resent someone (boss, family etc) criticizing or controlling us they sure don't get to hit us. That's assault and against the law. Why is it with children who "may not understand things yet" it's ok to spank them. BUT with adults who "definetly understand things" it is NEVER ok to hit eachother. Doesn't anyone else see why this is confusing? You are hit as a child because it's called discipline and teaching the child right from wrong but when they grow up are told that hitting is never allowed, against the law and frowned upon. It's all crap. Get your head out of your a**, pay attention to what is causing their bad behavior and be fair to them as their parents. There really isn't any action that constitutes being hit. Ever.

I SAY YES 2 SPANKINGS,BUT SO PPL DONT KNOW WHAT A SPANKING IS SO IT NEEDS 2 B DEFINED 2 THE ONES THAT R SLOW

Perhaps I'm slow but explain it to me. Were the hits I recieved from my step-father's belts across my butt and thighs while I was made to stand against my dresser classed as spankings? Or maybe when my mother was beating on me while she screamed in my face, was that a spanking? I thought it just wasn't kosher to hit your child not matter the wording or maybe I read the laws wrong.

My dad hit us with wooden spoons, a belt or his fist. His favorite was to grab us by the ears and pull us over to what he wanted us to see. He screamed and yelled constantly. All that taguht me was to be scared of him. So, Yeah, it surely made me NOT do the stuff the other kids were doing wrong, eg: smoking, stealing, staying out past curfew, lying, etc.......but I haven't talked to my dad for 20 years either. Once I was old enough to realize what a jerk of a father he was, I told him where to "stick it" I have a 5 year old and I've never had to spank her ONCE. I use consistancy and positive reinforcement. I praise her when she does something good, not scream when she's acting up.

I have to agree with Stephine a tap on the bottom is not abuse.I also would like to say that it is not really true that your children are gonna copy everything that a mum or dad will do.

My children now get a time out in their room with no toys or anything to do, just them and their bed and dressers. I took the tv out of their room about 7 months ago as a punishment, and haven't put it back because they go right to sleep now and are a lot easier to wake up for school :)

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. They actually prefer a spanking to time out because it lasts only a second and doesn't even phase them... two minutes later they act like it never even happened. However, when I send them to their room for as many minutes as they are old (i.e. my 6 year old gets 6 minutes, 7 year old gets 7 minutes, and 2 year old gets 2 minutes), they do not like that at all. If they argue with me about going in time out, I count to three, and their time doubles each time they stand there and flap their gums instead of going to their room.

My 6 year old, who is bipolar with ADHD, found himself in his room for 2 hrs the other day with a bottle of ice water and a gatorade, and did not like it at all. He was allowed to come out to use the restroom, and when I had lunch fixed, I took it in to him. Since that day almost a week ago, I have not had any problems until today with him in which he finally learned his lesson at a half an hour.

That may sound extreme for some people, but all 3 of my kids now know I mean business since I started this a few months ago and started sending them to their room instead of spanking them on the butt. It worked when they were a bit younger for the other two, but lately it seems it has become less effective and time outs are much more "painful" for them...

and it gives me a moment's peace :)

I totally agree with your approach. Something else that has worked for me is making time to spend with each of them somehow, doing something that each of them likes. If you give them the attention that they want from you, they'll be a lot more cooperative. You have to do this pretty much every day. That's been my experience anyway.

The research on spanking is pretty clear - it is no more effective than non-violent forms of discipline, and may actually be less effective. I know everyone has an opinion on this, but I'd suggest trying all other methods first. May take some effort and consistency, but I've never seen a reason to hit a child. And at the very least, never a reason to hit a child with an object.

I would have to disagree with this beceause when I was younger I used to get time outs and other forms of (non-violent forms of discipline) and I just laughed at the idea. When I used to get a spankings (nothing that would hurt a child and it wasnt abuse) I listened. I believe there is a certain age that you start swatting your little ones behind. It is just what you and your family feels comfortable with. When my daughter is older I will give her a swat on the bottom if she does something that I want her to know is a big NO NO.

I grew up with a single Dad and he used spanking, time-out and grounding as discipline for my sister and I. We grew up and are better women for it. I believe there are times that a child does something that warrants a spanking and other times some other form of punishment. These days I think alot of what is wrong with children is they didn't recieve enough or no spankings as a child and they were aloud to rule the roost as children, then teenagers and then they turn out like some of them have today.

I am a total believer of spanking that is to a certain point and not to severe....Because my husband and I believe that it shows a source of discipline, and besides both him andI got that method when we were children and we turned out just fine...Beclieve me now a days I think kids need it because they don't have no discipline and they walk all over their parents and the parents take it because they feel that they can't reprimand their child without the authories being involved...

I disagree with this. My son was never spanked and he is 9 now, he is the most polite, caring and considerate child i know and i really mean that lol not just cause im his mum. He is no angel and has his days as we all do but he has great respect for me and his step dad and i believe that's down to me NOT spanking him. You do not need to spank a child to show them discipline, that's abserd in my point of view, a stern voice always worked for me and the occasional time out if his behaviour was beyond acceptable. I believe if you set rules and bounderies and stick to them they should work. Children are very smart and learn very quick and i wouldn't want to be the cause of their little screwed up screaming face because id given them a spanking and caused them pain x

In the begining I wasn't into the spanking thing..even the thought of it use to make me feel bad, but now that my children are much older and know better once I tell them "No"..I give them a spanking. It usually eats at me for a while afterwards..but in most cases it alerts children pretty quickly. When parents are spanking their children for every thing they do, isn't healthy and I very much don't agree with it.

I'm sorry to burst people's bubble but spanking doesn't make good people. The reason your kids are well behaved, isn't because you smack them, but that you raise them well full stop.... The problems with today's society cannot all be attributed to parents who don't smack their kids. Thats ridculous. The problem with today's society is varied and complex. Greed, selfishness, apathy, lack of empathy for your fellow human, turning a blind eye to pain, sorrow, wrong doings, over population, poor justice system (which actually reflects the actual problem concerning discipline in terms of non consistancy in terms of punishment)... Anyone who thinks that smacking their kids makes good adults, is wrong.

Good parenting makes good adults. I was smacked, ended up in abusive relationships, taking drugs, drinking, doing petty crimes and vandalism, ended up in a mental hospital before my 18th birthday, anorexic...I was pretty messed up when I was younger. The only reason I am now the person I am, stopped drugs, got my education, isn't because I was smacked but because I got away from the smacking. Not every person who is smacked will be a good person, thats naive to think that, and not every person who isn't smacked will be a good person. People are people. So don't assume that parents who don't smack are the reason the world is the way it is... assume that by not taking a stand yourselves against the depravity WE HUMANS show towards each other, not steping in to stop a mugging, ignoring the terrible poverty in 3rd world countries etc, THAT is what is destroying the core context of what we are.

First of all, congratulations on overcoming your personal struggles and turning your life around. Secondly, I strongly agree with what you said. The word discipline has somehow become synonymous with the word spanking. I believe in discipline. I do not believe in spanking. The supposed lack of spanking has absolutely nothing to do with the issues we as a society are facing today. The lack of parenting does.

I'm sorry to burst people's bubble but spanking doesn't make good people. The reason your kids are well behaved, isn't because you smack them, but that you raise them well full stop.... The problems with today's society cannot all be attributed to parents who don't smack their kids. Thats ridculous. The problem with today's society is varied and complex. Greed, selfishness, apathy, lack of empathy for your fellow human, turning a blind eye to pain, sorrow, wrong doings, over population, poor justice system (which actually reflects the actual problem concerning discipline in terms of non consistancy in terms of punishment)... Anyone who thinks that smacking their kids makes good adults, is wrong.

Good parenting makes good adults. I was smacked, ended up in abusive relationships, taking drugs, drinking, doing petty crimes and vandalism, ended up in a mental hospital before my 18th birthday, anorexic...I was pretty messed up when I was younger. The only reason I am now the person I am, stopped drugs, got my education, isn't because I was smacked but because I got away from the smacking. Not every person who is smacked will be a good person, thats naive to think that, and not every person who isn't smacked will be a good person. People are people. So don't assume that parents who don't smack are the reason the world is the way it is... assume that by not taking a stand yourselves against the depravity WE HUMANS show towards each other, not steping in to stop a mugging, ignoring the terrible poverty in 3rd world countries etc, THAT is what is destroying the core context of what we are.

First of all, congratulations on overcoming your personal struggles and turning your life around. Secondly, I strongly agree with what you said. The word discipline has somehow become synonymous with the word spanking. I believe in discipline. I do not believe in spanking. The supposed lack of spanking has absolutely nothing to do with the issues we as a society are facing today. The lack of parenting does.

I prefer to not say whether or not I agree or disagree with spanking because I feel like discipline is a very personal choice, and also my children are young so this isn't a big issue for me. But if anyone who doesn't want to spank needs an alternative form of a discipline, I have a suggestion. I am one of four children so for me to mad at or fighting with someone was common. The unique punishment that my mom and dad came up with was to have whoever was fghting stand in the corner with their arms around each other. I usually ended up in tears out of frusutation but, we were always quick to make up! What teenage boy wants to stand in the corner with his arms around his sister !?! :)

Well, I used to be a spanker, now I really try not to spank my son at all......the theory is if your child is getting everything they need (I don't mean material things, I mean enough attention) then they want to be good for you. There's this thing called attachment & the more I learn about it, the more it makes sense. I notice that if I've been really busy & haven't spent much time for my son, then he acts out, if I take a little bit of time out of my day to spend with him, good quality time, I find he's all around better behave. I started to read "The Discipline Book" by Dr. William Sears & his wife who's a nurse, they've also raised something like 8 children of their own, I've found it very interesting. But it's also a matter of choice for families.

I dont believe in spanking at all. My mother used to spank me with a belt over and over until i bruised or was bleeding. I got to the age where i took the belt and slapped her with it. It was terriable. Its didnt teach me anything! we teach our kids not to hit but then parents go and hit or spank their kids. I think its crap. It just taught me to hate my mother. I dont even agree with a swat because again were teaching them that its ok to hit when your mad.

I dont believe in spanking at all. My mother used to spank me with a belt over and over until i bruised or was bleeding. I got to the age where i took the belt and slapped her with it. It was terriable. Its didnt teach me anything! we teach our kids not to hit but then parents go and hit or spank their kids. I think its crap. It just taught me to hate my mother. I dont even agree with a swat because again were teaching them that its ok to hit when your mad.

i use to believe in spanking but then one day my daughter told me instead of spanking her why don't i talk to her instead so i tried if but then it worked for a little then like 2 weeks later her attitude got worse than before so now i'm also thinking if i should spank or not.

Ok and this is only my opinion and of course my experiences. My dad use to whip us for things that we did wrong. I think I caught my last whipping at 15 maybe, and my brother stopped getting his at around 10. I was not afraid of my dad I was afraid of the consequences that would come along with doing something that was wrong, (and I will admit it didn't always stop me from doing things, I just didn't get caught always). Well my brother has been incarcerated since he was 19, and I myself have never been in any kind of trouble, because I learned a long time ago that there were consequences to doing thing. The thing was that when I caught a whipping i knew that it was because I did something wrong. It was never undeserved or abuse like alot think, and you know what I appreciate every whipping I deserved.

My kids are 12 and 17 and yes I did whip them. I was a single parent and I used the same techniques with my kids, before a whipping was passed down it was discussed and they never received a whipping they did not deserve. I was never hit back by any of them and we have a wonderful relationship. I am sitting here with my 17 year old now watching T.V. I won't say that everyone will agree with me but to each their own it just worked for me.

We are a non-spanking family (kids are 4.5 and 2.5), and it has worked wonderfully for us so far. I'm not prepared to say that every incidence of hitting/spanking/swatting/smacking is abuse, but anything other than an occasional light tap on the hand or clothed bottom with a hand (not an object) to get attention makes me cringe.

I really think it depends on the child. My 2yo responds well to a smack on the butt (times like running out in the street, etc) but my 5yo is very sensitive and does not. Kids have different personalities and respond to different methods of discipline.

To the parents who use spoons or any other object to spank their kids because "hands are for loving", in most places (I don't know about all), you would be breaking the law.

no spankings...I grew up on spankings and I will not put my kids through that crap...if they get in trouble I either make them look at the wall or ground them from the stuff they love and those two methods work...they think it's the end of the world when they get into trouble....

No spanking, time out when they are young as they get older take a away t.v. time, toys, play time. As they get much older cell phones, hang out time with friends, computer time so on and so forth. And mom stick to it they will respect you in the long run and it also teaches them not to hurt their own.

Spanking to me is a swat on the butt but some people take it to far so it depends on what the person defines spanking as. I don't agree with hitting your child with opjects or hitting them several times. I also think the time out method works the best. Mind you I have a 9 month old and haven't had to discipline him yet so The time out methode may not work for me but from what I have seen and researched it is the methoed both me and Jamie (the dad) agree on.

I just think that if you hit a child to teach them a lesson they learn that violence is an acceptable way to deal with things when it isn't. I have a FB friend who had to remove her child from daycare because the daycare worker bit her daughter so hard it left teeth marks and bruises in the shape of the womans teeth. She said she did it bacause the little girl bit another child.....In my opinion this was WAY WAY to far....for a person to bite a child that hard only teaches a child to fear the people she loves and in my opinion that's not right. I myself had a father that took "spanking" way to far and I grew up hating the man and I feel very bad for saying that but it is true. I think parents just need to remember the things they do and how they react to things have definate impact on their children in the long run.

Let me begin with, I think some get spankings and abuse confused. I believe this has been doubly compounded with those who were abused as children. I have 4 biological children 3 who are now grown and yes they did get an occasional spanking. I also used punishments and taking things that were important away from them but I think spankings are effective in proper doses. Every child is different and you have some children who require a stronger dose of discipline than others. My kids were not perfect but they did not throw tantrums in stores, beg once I said no or get in trouble at school because they knew there were REAL consequences for their actions. I raised kids in the inner city and there were a lot of things to get into but they are all in college or college grads who are really good people with good hearts. I am proud of how they turned out and I recognize they did because of how they were raised. Spanking them never made me feel good or pacified me but if they are not taught there are consequences for their actions God forbid, they end up in jail or hurting someone else.

I agree with you ladies who believe in the Bible. SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD. It clearly states this in the Bible, and that is God's instruction book for us. I don't spank my 3 kids for every little thing they do, but if it is back talking, something harmful to one another or themselves, disrespectfulness, things like that, yeah they will get a spanking. I don't abuse my children, a swat on the bottom never hurt me while I was growing up. I think that is what is wrong with the world today, parents tolerate way too much from their kids!!!! We need to turn back to the Bible moms!!

i totally agree, i dont spank my kids for every little thing either, my daughter who is only 1 gets a smack on the hand usually, but my 3 yr old is prone to back talking and he gets a spanking for that, or if we are in the store, we leave and take him outside to the truck for a spanking, bc heaven forbid u spank in public bc someone might call CPS on u.. and i agree we do need to turn back to the Bible =)

I agree with you ladies who believe in the Bible. SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD. It clearly states this in the Bible, and that is God's instruction book for us. I don't spank my 3 kids for every little thing they do, but if it is back talking, something harmful to one another or themselves, disrespectfulness, things like that, yeah they will get a spanking. I don't abuse my children, a swat on the bottom never hurt me while I was growing up. I think that is what is wrong with the world today, parents tolerate way too much from their kids!!!! We need to turn back to the Bible moms!!

i agree with it, i was brought up being spanked with a belt, although i swat my kids on the butt with my open hand, bc i just cant bring myself to use a belt, otherwise my kids would be heathens and i cant stand seeing other ppl's kids in the store screaming and throwing a tantrum bc they're not getting what they want bc they arent disciplined

I worked in the crime unit one time and crime is up in juveniles since people have stopped spanking children, whether or not it is because of that I can not say but I do believe myself that spanking a child in the right manner will not hurt them in years to come. Actually I have thanked my parents for my up bringing.

Why would you think that parents have stopped spanking? Every single study out there estimates that 90 percent of parents have spanked and atleast 60 percent condone it. I think the responses on this site corroborate those findings. In my circle of friends I would say it is more like 95 percent who spank.

Half the time, they dont feel the spanking, but its enough to instil fear/respect for the parent. Time out/talking to, I find just makes a child think they can get away with the dangers and risks of life because all they will get is a 'talking to'.

As a parent, you know your child and what method works well.

Spanking is not abuse. Remember the times when schools would use the strap or ruler to discipline. You tell me, if those kids growing up had more respect for others than the kids of today who get a 'talking to' :)

i totally disagree with spanking! i believe that any parent has the strength to control their kids by how they speak and react to their behaviour. No child should or need to be hit if the parent has inforced proper behaviour. I was spanked as a child myself and it never did a damn thing...it only made me grew a tuff bum and a bad attitude to my parents.

When reading the answers, I've noticed that many people equal the word spanking with abusing and violence. The spanking Khrysten was talking about, I believe, was "tap on the bottom". How's that abusing, especially if you spank the diapers?!I know a full-time mom with three kids, aged 7, 5 and 3. One day she took them for a walk, and there were those toy cars kids drive. Her 5-year old daughter, Lucy, was very interested in it, so she sat on the low wall next to it. Her mom warned her not to lean too much, cuz she might fall under the wheels, but the girl didn't listen. Mom warned her for several more times, and ONLY THEN spank her on her butt. And that moment, the woman who was next to them with her own two boys, jumped up and started to yell at her, saying that she'll call social service for abuse! So much about the law.I had the same treatment when I was a child. If I was doing something I shouldn't have, I'd get the warning, even few of them, and if then I'd continue to do it, I'd get spanked-always on my butt with the bare hand. My daughter is very stubborn, and when she decides to do something, she'll do it no matter how much I talk her out of it, explain to her that she shouldn't do it, or even yell. Timeouts usually don't work for her-she simply sits there patiently, and is not disturbed at all. I disagree with sending her to her room as a punishment, because, as somebody said previously, she should feel safe and positive in her room.And for all of you that think spanking is the ultimate bad thing, ask yourself honestly: what hurt you more-when you did something you shouldn't have and you got spanked (notice: spanked, not BEATEN), or you were called STUPID, BAD, MONSTER, TERRIBLE, BRAT, NOTHING BUT A TROUBLE?Sometimes the parents' words can hurt way more then their hands.

Honestly, I don't care if you spank, but please don't assume that parents who don't are the root of all society's problems. Children can be disciplined without being hit. And just because a kid is spanked, doesn't mean he'll be a model citizen.

Morag...I am assuming that your post was a reflection of what I wrote. First and foremost, I believe that yes there are other contributions as to why the society is the way it is today, but it mainly starts AT HOME!! If your own children wont respect you, their parent, then how can you expect them to respect anyone else. As for video games, that is just an excuse for the child as well as the parent so they don't have to place the burden on themselves. No video game has that much control over a child's actions and if it does then something went way wrong with the parenting in the 1st place. Which like I stated before...starts at home! As for the unwed parent aspect...once again, at home is where it starts. I know many people, myself included, who didn't have a parent present growing up...but our single parents showed us enough love and discipline, showed us right from wrong and made sure that there was always an open connection between us. The point I was simply trying to make is that too many parents these days tend to want to be their child's friend as opposed to the parent. And that, my dear, is where society has gone wrong!

* Just to throw an extra tidbit in there, a recent study has shown that 92% of CEO's, millionaires, business owners and overall successful people were spanked as children!

Being your kids friend is wrong regardless of whether you are a parent who smacks or not. Children thrive on rules and routine, knowing where the boundries lie and what the consequences are. We have lists on everything that my eldest needs to do in terms of chores, how she can earn extra money and how much, what punishments are for certain crimes and a list of household rules we all abide by. There are never any inconsistancies ever because it has been clearly stated for the whole family to see. I agree with you that it does start at home and poor parenting is responsible for a big chunk of societies ills. I am not disagreeing with that at all. I just disagree with the statement that it all comes down to spanking and if you don't spank your kid, your kid will therefore become a bad person who will shoot other kids and steal and take drugs. Thats just not true... Bad children are created by bad parents... full stop.

Ironically this is something for you to feel proud about instead of trying to defend your choices as a parent which you shouldn't have to do,... Your kid is a good kid, because you are a good parent, plain and simple. Doesn't matter how you have done that, just you have done a good job. Doesn't mean that other people who live in different cultures, different countries, different families, different circumstances, who choose to use different methods from yourself automatically by default raise bad children and are bad parents. By saying outright that smacking creates good children and parents who don't smack their kids are whats wrong with the world, you are insinuating that by not smacking you are a bad parent and always create bad children. It would be the same as me saying that by giving formula to your kid instead of breastfeeding creates obese, unhealthy, less inteligent children, and that formula feeding parents are responsible for all the fat, unhealthy, unintelligent people in the world... you know thats not true, yet I can quote statistics to that fact like you have...

Plus the titbit that 92%of CEO etc doesn't take into consideration the average age group, sex, social standing, poverty level, access to education etc and what the preferred form of discipline was back then. Give it 20 years and you might find those statistics might change.

Morag...I am assuming that your post was a reflection of what I wrote. First and foremost, I believe that yes there are other contributions as to why the society is the way it is today, but it mainly starts AT HOME!! If your own children wont respect you, their parent, then how can you expect them to respect anyone else. As for video games, that is just an excuse for the child as well as the parent so they don't have to place the burden on themselves. No video game has that much control over a child's actions and if it does then something went way wrong with the parenting in the 1st place. Which like I stated before...starts at home! As for the unwed parent aspect...once again, at home is where it starts. I know many people, myself included, who didn't have a parent present growing up...but our single parents showed us enough love and discipline, showed us right from wrong and made sure that there was always an open connection between us. The point I was simply trying to make is that too many parents these days tend to want to be their child's friend as opposed to the parent. And that, my dear, is where society has gone wrong!

* Just to throw an extra tidbit in there, a recent study has shown that 92% of CEO's, millionaires, business owners and overall successful people were spanked as children!

Thats what I mean, I agree with you... I was trying to point out that smacking doesn't produce good adults anymore than not smacking...I was using myself as an example of this point. It was more to highlight some peoples comments that not spanking kids is what has made the world the way it is today. Thats just not true. There are many other problems that have corrupted society and its just incorrect to say that if you don't spank your kids, your kids will end up commiting crime and disrespecting their elders. I am sorry if I didn't make that clear.

I wasn't puting anyone down for chosing to smack their children, but that by making the sweeping statement that people who don't smack their kids are responsible for all the bad things in this world is incorrect. As I said people are people and its being a good parent in general, that is important and being firm and consistant with discipline. I think you will also find that crime has increased among juviniles since the introduction of video games, or the increase in unwed parents, just another point that you cannot blame the increase in crime on non smacking alone. You need to look at the ills of society as a whole.

Morag, I understand where you are coming from but being spanked is not what causes people to end up in an abusive relationship. I am 39 years old and I was spank and I have never been in an abusive relationship, I did not commit crimes, or drugs. I have never been in trouble with the law at all. I have been a productive person. There were three of us kids and we were brought up exactly the same. Out of the 3 one did end up on the wrong side of the law and it was not his raising because if it was I would have ended up that way. Like I said in my 1st post. I do not believe in abusing a child and there are a lot out there that is abused and it can cause mental problems, but if a child is just spanked I don't think that it causes mental problems. Like I said I was spanked and I feel that I am okay.

Everyone has the right to have their own opinion on matters, but I don't think that we should put others down because they believe different than us.

I worked in the crime unit one time and crime is up in juveniles since people have stopped spanking children, whether or not it is because of that I can not say but I do believe myself that spanking a child in the right manner will not hurt them in years to come. Actually I have thanked my parents for my up bringing.

I'm sorry to burst people's bubble but spanking doesn't make good people. The reason your kids are well behaved, isn't because you smack them, but that you raise them well full stop.... The problems with today's society cannot all be attributed to parents who don't smack their kids. Thats ridculous. The problem with today's society is varied and complex. Greed, selfishness, apathy, lack of empathy for your fellow human, turning a blind eye to pain, sorrow, wrong doings, over population, poor justice system (which actually reflects the actual problem concerning discipline in terms of non consistancy in terms of punishment)... Anyone who thinks that smacking their kids makes good adults, is wrong.

Good parenting makes good adults. I was smacked, ended up in abusive relationships, taking drugs, drinking, doing petty crimes and vandalism, ended up in a mental hospital before my 18th birthday, anorexic...I was pretty messed up when I was younger. The only reason I am now the person I am, stopped drugs, got my education, isn't because I was smacked but because I got away from the smacking. Not every person who is smacked will be a good person, thats naive to think that, and not every person who isn't smacked will be a good person. People are people. So don't assume that parents who don't smack are the reason the world is the way it is... assume that by not taking a stand yourselves against the depravity WE HUMANS show towards each other, not steping in to stop a mugging, ignoring the terrible poverty in 3rd world countries etc, THAT is what is destroying the core context of what we are.

I believe in spanking. I have spanked my children. I don't believe in abusing them. I have been to a point that I have been mad and I would not spank them because I was afraid I might hurt them. It all depends on what they do on what kind of punishment I give them. I use time out, spankings, groundings,and have even taken things away from them. There are times that I just talk to them. I say use the right punishment for the "crime". As long as it is done the right way I don't say that it is wrong. For me it seems with my son spankings do the trick where with my daughter if she thinks she will have to do without some of her toys she changes.

When my daughters were little they got spankings if they did something bad or just didn't want to listen to me. I think that my oldest got the most because she was so stubbor and strong willed. The last time my daughter got hit was when she stayed out all night and to show her I was still the boss and she was the child I hit her with my fist because she stood 5ft ll inches and me 5ft 8 and she was strong. To her I was just swatting at a fly and she told me it didn't even hurt so I never hit her again and she was about 13 then. My youngest got her last one when she was in the 5th grade for calling someones house and using language that I know didn't come from me leaving it on the womens answering machine. I then just started doing the punishment and taking things away from them. My oldest was on punishment in the 8th grade for ten weeks until she leaned not to get smart with me and while she was on punishment we took the youngest to six flaggs. That was a lesson well learned because up until we got ready to go to the park she thought that she was going also guess what (not). I think you can spank your child if necessary but not beat them and put scars on their bodies. My mom would say tap their bottom or tap the bottom of the feet they will feel it and they will stop, mines did. My oldest isn't afraid of me now she is 22 but she still doesn't want to disappoint me and she remembers the spankings and can laugh about it now because she knew she was a bad ass. My youngest is still afraid of me finding out stuff, but guess what she comes to me with her problems now because I get more mad if I learn it from someone else that is what I call control of my children. Some of you may not agree but my girls aren't in jail or trying to kill anyone no criminal here

When my daughters were little they got spankings if they did something bad or just didn't want to listen to me. I think that my oldest got the most because she was so stubbor and strong willed. The last time my daughter got hit was when she stayed out all night and to show her I was still the boss and she was the child I hit her with my fist because she stood 5ft ll inches and me 5ft 8 and she was strong. To her I was just swatting at a fly and she told me it didn't even hurt so I never hit her again and she was about 13 then. My youngest got her last one when she was in the 5th grade for calling someones house and using language that I know didn't come from me leaving it on the womens answering machine. I then just started doing the punishment and taking things away from them. My oldest was on punishment in the 8th grade for ten weeks until she leaned not to get smart with me and while she was on punishment we took the youngest to six flaggs. That was a lesson well learned because up until we got ready to go to the park she thought that she was going also guess what (not). I think you can spank your child if necessary but not beat them and put scars on their bodies. My mom would say tap their bottom or tap the bottom of the feet they will feel it and they will stop, mines did. My oldest isn't afraid of me now she is 22 but she still doesn't want to disappoint me and she remembers the spankings and can laugh about it now because she knew she was a bad ass. My youngest is still afraid of me finding out stuff, but guess what she comes to me with her problems now because I get more mad if I learn it from someone else that is what I call control of my children. Some of you may not agree but my girls aren't in jail or trying to kill anyone no criminal here