Thank You for Inviting Me to the Party. I Apologize for My Behavior at the Party.

I apologize for filling my backpack with the delicious food and trying to sell it to the other guests at the party.

Thank you for telling me to make myself at home when I arrived at the party.

I apologize for assuming that because I hit on my wife at my home, making myself at home at your home would include hitting on your wife at the party.

Thank you for showing me your home videos during the party.

I apologize for pointing out your children’s lack of stage presence in the home videos we watched at the party.

Thank you for allowing me to perform my magic act at the party.

I apologize for being unable to make your kids reappear at the end of the magic act at the party.

Thank you for showing me your personal library during the party.

I apologize for saying any library comprised of over 50% Koontz, Cussler, Grafton, and Grisham should be called ‘library*’ at the party.

Thank you for allowing me to pick the music playlist at the party.

I apologize for inviting my band to perform the playlist at the party. I didn’t mention this in advance because I worried you would ask around and learn we specialized in being terrible.

Thank you for telling me I could go into your closet and borrow a sweater after I spilled a Bloody Mary all over my shirt at the party.

I apologize for putting on your wife’s sweater at the party. And then her skirt. And then her make-up. And then coming back out to do an impression of her. I could tell by your face you didn’t think this was funny but it was kind of an inside joke among all the rest of us. You’d get the joke if you understood how much we all dislike your wife.

Thank you for not getting upset when I didn’t use a coaster when I set down my drink at the party.

I apologize for using your son’s head when I set down my drink at the party.

Also, thank you for having a party your didn’t realize you were having, and letting me do all the formerly stated things in your home. Thanks for not minding that I brought all your unintended guests with me. Please accept my apologies for making you cry at your party (that you didn’t know you were having.)

I’m sorry I proceeded to empty out your liquor cabinet, run to my car with bags full of your booze, then text all of your guests to tell them to come to my house for an even better party . . . with alchohol!

Thank you for finally showing up in my reader. I apologize for being too lazy to find your blog on my own. If you could perfect that magic trick so that kids reappear at 22 or so (and done with college) I know a lot of parents who would invite you to their party.

Must enlighten me on the asterisk reference but I have a kick-ass library. It’s so well-mixed, there’s a whole building. The highest shelf is shown here. http://cmriedel.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/what-i-like-to-read/ I upset someone at a party a few times. Odd isn’t it? How some mistake zany humour for being mean. Pffft.

Well now this was too fun! I like you tried to re-sell the appetizers at the party, that seems like something one would see in an SNL sketch. And wearing the party host’s wife’s clothes? How very Edward D. Wood Jr. of you!

Did you make the kid disappear before or after you placed the drink on his head? Were you trying to dramatically drop your drink on the floor… but the invisable kid happened to be standing next to you….below the poised drink??? Damn the non-reappearing children!!! Damn them!!!

I have my own card line, pretty much adorable pictures of my cats. And double-meaning verses. I tried being funny for my outhouse picture. Go figure, someone gave it to their husband for a wedding anniversary!

You set such high standards that I have a complex about commenting in a non-funny way. Can you please post something a bit less funny once a week or so (maybe on Mondays when everyone’s tired from all the parties) in order to make me feel better about my inability to comment appropriately?

And now for something completely different . . . I love you used the Breakfast at Tiffany’s party picture because I’m a big Audrey Hepburn fan! Personally, I don’t do parties because of people like you.

I always know when something is good, because I have a terrible urge to steal the idea and rewrite it with my own spin on it. I first noticed this with “Memoirs of an Invisible Man” – or the what I would do if I was invisible thing. Good piece. Enjoyed it muchly. 🙂

It’s like I said “I never see any of the first rate bloggers I follow getting Freshly Pressed anymore” and Boom! Two days in a row! Congratulations to you….I’m off to see who else needs the Hippie Cahier Bump. 🙂

Jeez o Pete, my favorite bloggers are winging their way to the front page all ova da place! Congrats to both of you – it’s so well deserved. (pretty sweet words considering I’m totally eaten up with jealousy, eh?)

I’m quite lucky in that all the parties I do attend are ones hosted by me and my housemate. I’m not 100% clued up on the rules of etiquette but I think this gives me carte blanche to do all the above. Though I’m lacking in the wife and child department…

Next time please bring more gate crashers to the party as we still ended up with plenty of leftovers and you clearly needed bigger audience. We also hope that the kids got into a good family. Not that we miss the little buggers, but it would be highly unsafe for the society if they got worse than they already are!

I apologize for wearing feathers and shedding all over your house during the party. Ugh, yes I have actually had to say this after shedding bright colorful feathers all over a friends home. They are still finding feathers. Furthermore, I apologize for telling you and the world about my feather shedding experience…but since I have the feathers can be seen on my about page lol.

Congratulations to you Paul! I am so glad to be “among” friends like you, Angie Z, Jules, and Byronic Man!
Have a happy Father’s Day too! I am sure that Optimus Prime and the Fonz are whipping up something super special!

Very funny! It walks the fine line of being authentic to the point there always seems to be the possibility of truth in every line….by someone in this world for sure. Thanks for sharing.
You Matter! Smiles, Nancy

I thought good children were supposed to be in their rooms upstairs playing/watching tv/sleeping if their parents were going to have a party with only adults present? My sister and I were pretty good at being invisible if my parents had friends over for a party (mostly because we wanted nothing to do with boring adults). You would have liked our parties!

Thank you for posting your blog for me to read. I apologise for the very obvious plug for my own blog I am about to post on your blog. 🙂 Seriously though, nicely done, and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
Conorhttp://getyerwitsoutforthelads.wordpress.com/

“You’d get the joke if you understood how much we all dislike your wife.”

Ah, if everyone was that honest there would be no wars. There would also be no dinner parties, but that means no one would have to watch inane home movies of talentless, smiling children who are devoid of any sense of stage presence.

Thank you for sharing this fantastic piece with us and congratulations on the Freshly Pressed gong!

Fantastic. You’ve cheered me right up. I was sad because I no longer get invited to parties after becoming the person that doesn’t realise they have to apologise for what they did at a party because I can never remember what I did at the party 🙂

Thank you for inviting me to your wedding, even though I don’t know you, since you are my husband’s cousin, and he doesn’t like your side of the family but we were bored and needed to get away from the dogs. Thank you for inviting us. We needed cake and champagne. Thank you again. Sorry, we want you to get divorced and remarried since you throw a good wedding.

I needed a good laugh today and this post just made it! I just wonder who was crazy enough to act this way unless you didn’t like the person who invited you to begin with. Either way you couldn’t write this kinda stuff cause I’m sure this really happened, lol -,o

Reblogged this on Wild Children and commented:
“I apologize for putting on your wife’s sweater at the party. And then her skirt. And then her make-up. And then coming back out to do an impression of her.” // The Good Greatsby

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