SAN FRANCISCO – I didn’t grow a beard to be as cool as Brian Wilson, just like I didn’t once frost my tips to be as cool as *NSYNC – it just worked out that way.

But unlike San Francisco’s Wilson in the Fall Classic, my beard was not feared in my summertime wiffleball games – one time, Nate Kreckman’s homer off me traveled so far, it had to stop for gas (He was like Paste on Bases Loaded).

As for the Giants’ closer, Wilson is one of the loonier athletes on the planet (though possibly not from said planet):

1. He dyed his beard as black as your ex-girlfriend’s heart.

2. He once explained to an interviewer that he’s “a certified ninja.”

3. When Major League Baseball deemed his bright-orange cleats illegal, Wilson explained they simply became bright orange because he had “too much awesome on my feet.”

Just a couple weeks after the Giants won the World Series, I thought it would be pretty cool to stroll around San Francisco with a beard on my face — who knows, I thought, maybe someone would actually think I’m The Brian Wilson (…alas, the closest I got to a celebrity mistaking was when George Karl quipped that my new look resembled that of Charles Manson).

Now, my girlfriend used to live in San Francisco – and though I feebly try in this blog, she’s a bona fide foodie – so I’ve eaten the best this area has to offer, be it sushi in Sausalito, pho in the Castro or Indian cuisine in Pacific Heights. But this trip, I was on a burger mission, so I went, yes, to The Mission.

San Franscisco’s Mission District is home to Urbun Burger, a name as cheesy as the blog that reviews it. The menu featured some juicy burgers, such as the Big Kahuna (featuring grilled pineapple, Swiss cheese, grilled onions and a teriyaki glaze) and the Cubano Burger (featuring grilled ham, Swiss cheese and an ambiguous “urban sauce” … yet they spelled urbun incorrectly).

The night before the Nuggets-Warriors game, I was joined by my pal Aaron, who recently moved to town. So far, the guy seems to be enjoying San Fran, but what’s not to like about the city that gave us Santana, Rice-a-Roni, Ansel Adams, the Full House house and one Hugh Anthony Cregg III, otherwise known as Huey Lewis, the perennial Super Bowl halftime snub: (The Power Of Love, Workin’ For a Livin’ and Hip To Be Square? Blam! There’s your halftime show. Entertained? How about the next year – Heart Of Rock And Roll, Back In Time and I Want A New Drug? You’ve got yourself a Super Bowl halftime dynasty!)

Moreover, there’s that underrated 70s TV drama, “The Streets of San Francisco,” which starred Karl Malden and a young Michael Douglas — probably making it the only show to ever star two Academy Award winners (unless the other guy from “Bosom Buddies” happened to win an Oscar I didn’t hear about … wait, was that guy Haing S. Ngor??)

At Urbun Burger, I was greeted by a sweet young lady behind the counter. I told her that I would like the Mission Heat Burger, which was a char-broiled burger featuring sautéed green chilies and green onions, jalapeno Jack cheese, fresh jalapeno and a chipotle aioli.

“Would you like that with fries or salad,” she asked.

Salad? Who orders a big burger coated with an calorie count rivaling my SAT score — and then makes themselves feel like they’re doing their body a favor by having the side salad? It’s like drinking a Diet Pepsi with meth.

When the sweet young lady brought out my Mission Heat Burger, frankly I was a little intimidated by the layers of green chilies and the jalapenos. But I was impressed by my first bite – a brilliant burger complemented by a tingly, zesty, spicy, jalapeno-y taste. It felt like I had the Miami Sound Machine playing in my mouth.

The burger was as sloppy as your first kiss. Aioli all over. Jalapenos jumping for safety. Juices flowing from the burger. There was, thankfully, a necessary napkin dispenser on the table. Next to it, though, was an unnecessary bottle of Tapatio Hot Sauce (How hot is the sauce? When you go to their website, you’re greeted with an image of a flame). If I had put some Tapatio on the previously pungent burger, I might have lost a few good taste buds during the fiery fracas.

While Aaron and I devoured our burgers, suddenly the door to Urbun Burger swung open. Standing there was a homeless man (I shouldn’t jump to conclusions – a man who looked like his home wasn’t an actual home). Like myself, he was rockin’ a beard. With the attention of the restaurant, he suddenly unleashed a primal scream — while lifting up his shirt.

He was bearded, passionate and coco-nuts crazy … the Brian Wilson of loitering.

Chris Dempsey arrived at The Denver Post in Dec. 2003 after seven years at the Boulder Daily Camera, where he primarily covered the University of Colorado football and men's basketball teams. A University of Colorado-Boulder alumnus, Dempsey covers the Nuggets and also chips in on college sports.