Smelly Poontang!!

Posted on February 21, 2008

It was a Friday in the month of May, kinda time all the shorties get they game on play, young crack who only refers to himself in the third person for data protection reasons (don’t ask?) was parking lot pimpin in the playground, you know swinging and see-saw gang-banging when he decided to two step it into one of Brighton’s local fish-markets!! He recalls ‘I think it was called Saqqaras’ He says with a drunken burp which smelt mildly of garlic and oyster sauce with the smallest hit of rosemary.

Young Crackston Stevens entered this club aka whore house for the young black-male community and peeped the art-deco vibe, recalling to himself yet again ‘ osmosis Jones!!’. Our hero proceeded to G-funk-step it unto the dance floor where he wiggled tightly like a car filled with Mexicans insulated by sweat and sexual gratuitous mating dance rituals and yet more sweat until he managed to slither his way to the bar. However on the way, Crack managed to glance a few knickers of the girls dancing on the high platforms by pretending to do the worm like ‘Scotti-too-hottie’.

Pon arrive at ze bar Crack purchased a glass of water which was free and sum how by contractaully endorsing the egos of the few acquaintances which were not really his friends he accumalated enough cash-monay to buy himself a couple of beers (which is no reflections on my manz bank account!!). Well several seconds later crack was buzzing like a killer Wu-tang bee on kool aid and went back pon dance-floor to mac some bitches. He feast his eyes on this girl whose name can not also be disclosed to to data protection but we shat call her ‘Project X’ who works at the retail store Zara in Churchill Square and once got Crack a discount on a fresh suit!!.

Sweetly whispering with the odd burst of spit caressing her earlobe he uttered. ‘You got a boyfriend?’ X said ‘ yeah he is over there’ abashedly pointing to some darkened corner of the club. Crack undeterred by the she-whores mind games took another look at her booty (that’s street talk for phat ass, which itself it sweet talk for tender perfectly formed round buttocks) and said seductively ‘ well if i were your boyfriend I’d tie you to a lamp-post and douse you with marmite, whilst peeing in your shoes!’ X looked surprised but giggled to young Crakstons humorous utterance.They continued to banter and eventually Cracks genitalia was rubbing against the buttocks of this fine university specimen!! What was to come next would be embarrassing to the faint of heart but to Crack it was stating his arrival and similar the scientific fact that dogs pee on trees to mark their territory Crack ordered his penis rise and protrude this girls neither denim clenched derriere region….

Crack: ‘So you gonna give me your digits or am i gonna have to knock you the fuck out?’

Crack: ‘well how about you give me your number baby and I’ll make you feel like a natural woman as opposed to an anal infection’

X: [ giggles] ‘there you go again making me laugh, pass me your phone on the sly and I’ll type them in’

Crack passes her his tamogotchi

X: ‘what the fuck is this?’

Crak: looking surprised but unflustered : ‘It’s a Tamogotchi you stupid bitch!, what the fuck does it look like?’

X: ‘oh okay, …..but i asked for your phone?’

Crak passes her his Nokia 2310 equipped with missing number buttons, she gives him her number painstakingly and unsubtly typing number 4 which is missing over and over again. Before she can say will u call Crak dissapears like a theif in the night….