great little story

by josephzizys

Over a thousand years ago lived a man with a great big stick, and he would hit people with the stick and they would change into pixies. they would fly up to the higher levels and become barrels after a while for the space monkey, donkey kong to throw at luigi, and mario, who was a space peanut horder, which must have annoyed donkey kong, anyway stickman, the guy with the big stick I told you about, had no reason for his pixie making, he just liked the way the stick wooshed through the air when he swung it. Nothing changed for a very long time. Until one day the stick man died of behavioural complications arising out of a schizoid affective dissorder that had troubled him for sometime. Then teh trouble came, teh trouble ws that no more pixies came up level to atrophy into barrels for donkey kong to throw at luigi or mario, and consequently mario and luigi grew very strong, and captured donkey kong and all the peanuts and toured broadway with kong, calling him the eitghth wonder of teh world, one day kong escaped and fled back to donkey kong county wheere he fathered a son, and that sone a hedgehog of prodigious speed and they vowed revenge on mario at the olympics. However the gods where displeased with the ape and sent down charles darwin to prick at his ego, consequently the great ape became depressed, and developed a vikodan dependancy and the press became less favourable to him, and his royalties dried up and he had to go up lev el again, seeking new lands, and the spice melange, to trade for sardokur mercineries that would enable him to rule the houses for all time. but the atredies and harkonens formed a great allience and wiped him out, exileing him to the worldof warcraft as a blood elf in an expansion pack. Meanwhile back down level Mario had taken mrs pac man to whife, o account of pac mans dependancy issues leading to the break up of thier tumultuous marraige, and they had had many ghost babies, that where creul and uncaring of thier parents, and liked to roam the low levels, functioning as npc enemies with little ai, and generally making a nucience of themselves. Mario in his age and dissapointment over hissons sought to raise stickman from the dead with necromancy in order that he might smite the ungrateful ghosts with his stick and this came to pass, and the ghosts and pixies where once more sent up level, but kong still roamed WoW as ‘Thadukar Grimspell’ or some shit, so al the pixe barrells just piled up and up, until they began to break through into higher levels and fucked all sorts of super high level shit up. And the ghosts didn’t become barrels at all, but freaky fucking lemmings and all sorst of sim shit, like sim sity and sim ant, and eventually the sims, and of course that all led to the terminator wars and the nuking of the past o the fleshsack metaworld, which enabled a hyperinflationary business cycle in fourth life to spiral out of control until single pixel realty would cost millions of terraflops of fiat, which in turn led to rexpression of the infinite improbabilliy drive into several narrations in the fragmented sectors of the whole drive. Thank god jesus the christ was able to come back and bail out th emarkets with by reintroducing the golden mean of confucious, that even made boingboing which spelled trouble for the illuminanti.

big stick man wacked on and on, like sisyfus pushing shit up hill, never tiring, never again developing the florid expressions and twitches that caused him to be medicated and never agin tryig to kill himself, he was like a possesed zombie, denied the ultimate politics of nihlism by the necromancer mario and forced to gleefulty live out his days, happy and unalarmed, always swinging his giant stick.

mario however was not done, seeing the outcomes across the sectors fo this one act of power he decided that he would continue to pursue this karman, and aim to one day assume the mantle of Mara, the king of death, himself. so he hatched a plan of black purpose, he would murder luigi, and sacrifice him on the alter in the toom raider expansion of reident evil and offer him up to the half-life gods to cuase in himself a blackness so deep that he would be immediately transformed itnt Diablo, the dark lord of Ultima Underworld.

Luigi was wise however, and suspected his brother, and scrying with his own sorcery called upon a powerful hero as ally, Link, to combat Mario in the arena of the pokemon at howls moving castle.

Here the battle was waged for a billion clicks, and special moves where employed and classy english accents both male and female provided teh voiceovers, and the lolcats for that time spoke only of this and nothing else, and the combatants on the iron chef put down thier skillits and gazed on it, and the crikit warriors knelt down ad paid respect as the world shook.

Great Luigi fell and died, struck in his heel and dragged around great troy, but link would not fail his fallen fried and fought on, he ever attacking mario, mario ever striking back, two great foes thundering across the sky like a storm, all the great martyred saints looked on from thier heavens; biggy and tupac, kurt and ian curtis otis and sam john and jimi, with thier crowns of thorns and thier tear of blood, weeping for the hopeless battle of Mario and Link.

But nothing may go on unchanged forever bitch, and on day, swinging and singing with his big stick, stickman comes a waltzing through the arena with his big stick wooshing through the air andcollects mario and link in a single wack! seven with one blow! he shouts, freed from his necromantic prison, and collapses in his cloak of brown to the consternation of vader and to the cheers of the assembled.

And that is the story of some shit from sometime, and also the story of stickman and mario and great kong and link, listen ye well, and seek humility! for thier tale is your tale as well, and a warning to unbelievers. Fool. Sucker. Foolish Sucker.