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How would you feel if you spent precious time to plan and write a blog post and no one commented on what you wrote? Would you feel slighted? Embarrassed? Frustrated?

Perhaps you'd feel indifference. Maybe your blog is a place where you say what you want and you don't really care who reads it or what they think.

For the vast majority of us, however, blog comments really do matter. But, why? Why do we set so much stock in getting comments to our posts?

I believe the blogging experience is an extension of who we are at our deepest part. We pour our souls into our posts, baring ourselves, sharing about the things closest to us. . .and we don't want to throw our words out to utter nothingness.

Imagine if you shared with real life friends and they said very little or nothing in response. On a basic level we would wonder if they even heard us. And on a deeper level we would begin to question the effectiveness of our communication and our ability to connect with others.

Whether in real life or in our blogs, we not only long to express ourselves, but to have others validate what we're saying.

The comments people leave in response to our posts are affirmation that we're connecting with others in some way. And isn't that what we really long for--relationships where we can both understand and be understood?

Almost every time I read someone else's blog post, I try to leave a comment. Why?

1. The comment lets the blogger know I visited. If we only read blogs and never comment, the blogger usually won't know we've stopped by. When we leave even a brief comment, then we become real. Our picture and words let others know they're not alone. Our comment acknowledges the time and effort they put into writing their post.

2. A comment shows I've connected in some way to what they've written. Even if I stumble upon a post that's hard for me to relate to (which doesn't happen often), I can still let them know I appreciate what they shared. For some posts I may leave only a short comment and for others I might write the rough draft of a novel. Either way, I validate what they're saying.

3. When I comment I begin to develop relationships. I let them know that this is two-way, give-and-take communication. Hopefully it shows I'm open to new friendships and that I have a big enough heart to love whoever God puts in my path.

In my next post, I'll give my opinion on how to generate more comments. But for today I'd like to hear what you think. Do you like to get comments on your blog? Why is it important to you? And if you don't care about the comments, I'd love to hear your thoughts too!

101 comments:

I think blogging is a bit like writing in a diary. One wouldn't expect comments or want them. It's private, but blogging is also like leaving your diary open at an airport or bus station. The author doesn't seem to be around. You have some time to kill, are curious, so you flip through the pages of the diary. No harm done. I think the vast majority don't comment on blogs because the media invites anonymity. Though some popular blogs can have a couple of dozen comments, even that is a relatively small number compared to how many people actually stop by. Then some blogs don't invite comment. The subject may be too specific for the reader to offer a comment, or the reader may feel s/he doesn't have the expertise in the subject to leave a comment.

Thanks for this post, Jody. It's so true--writers need feedback, to know we're not writing in a vacuum, that our words aren't worthless. The friendships I've made through my blog are precious to me, as is the feedback of others.

I love comments to mine and to give others comments. Even though I haven't met anyone in real life, I've made lots of blog friends and look forward to making more! If I'm not blogging every day I go through withdrawal symptoms!! LOL!

I alway appreciate comments, even if they are short. When I first started blogging I wrestled with if it was worth my time. I'll confess I don't pour my heart and soul into every post, so it's nice when people acknowledge my quirkiness--like you. :)

Of course, we all like them, although I gotta say, I keep an eye on sitemeter too for my view count as well... because I know there are a lot of people that just don't comment, and it's nice to know just how many people are actually reading my blog.

So very true. Especially for me, since I give and receive love with words of affirmation (5 Love Languages). I also like to feel like I'm having some sort of discussion with my readers, even if I can't comment back all the time.

Great post! Looking forward to Wednesday.

I commented back on your comment on my blog. 80% of me completely agrees with your take on writing conferences (okay, maybe 85%). Thanks for bringing some things to light and adding to the discussion!

When I first started my blog, I had very few comments--but then I went to very few blogs too. I have been so uplifted yesterday and today by some wonderful encouraging comments--they have touched me deeply. So YES they matter to me.

Jody,Yes, I like to see comments on my own blog, because they let me know that not only did someone read what I wrote, but it resonated with them. It's not just a way of keeping score--I have Sitemeter for that.

On the other hand, I don't always comment on someone else's blog. Sometimes I'm in a hurry. Sometimes the post doesn't resonate with me. And there are times when I actually may disagree but don't want to do it in public.

I started blogging as an online journal of my writing journey, and didn't expect much comment. It was an experiment. Did I like blogging enough to keep it up long term?

I do. But I don't want to do it in a vacuum. Now I'm trying to shift the content of my blog to be of more interest to writers in general, and readers and 18C century history buffs. I enjoy comments, learn from them, and appreciate the dialogue and connection. It's one way I come close to chatting with colleagues over tea and a bagel in the break room.

I think validation is the main reason. It's nice to know that somebody out there is reading what I wrote. For the longest time, I didn't have any followers, and then the numbers began to increase. It was a nice feeling.

I always try to comment on the blogs I follow, even if it's something as simple as 'great post' just to let the blogger know that someone is reading his/her blog.

Comments make connections for me and help build and maintain relationships. I stay in touch with old friends and make new ones. I've become blog buddies with two people I never would have met if it weren't for visiting each others' blogs.

It bugs me that my mom and my sis read my blog every day and NEVER comment!

I have to watch myself with this one. Sure, I love comments. I love connecting with others. But, I know myself. I know how easily I can slip into wanting validation from others. With this one, I need to keep my intentions/expectations in check.

I also like comments that show the person read the post. It irks me some when people write, "Cool post" or something of the like. It's nice, but it doesn't help me connect much with them.

Comments are important. If you cook and serve a meal and no one shows up, you feel your work was in vain, or unappreciated. Of course, you must partake of others' meals in order for them to find out about your banquet.

I love getting comments on my blogs. Sadly, I get very few. I have one of those widgets that tell you where your visitors are from, so I know I get people stopping by from time to time. But, the vast majority never comment so I don't know if they read what I wrote or just skipped past on their way to another blog.

Comments help to build relationships, and shows that the person took time to read what you wrote and comment.

Comments make me feel like I matter. My words might not change anyone's life or way of thinking, but I like to know that I matter enough for someone to stop by and let me know they were there & read what I wrote.

Some days the only type of adult conversation/interaction I have is via blogging, commenting on others posts and receiving comments on mine. They keep me grounded and I feel like I'm in contact with the world even though I'm really holed up in my house usually.

You've really nailed this Jody. I enjoy comments, and everytime I visit a blog, I always leave a comment. (unless the post was inflammatory or something, then I prefer to not revisit, lol). I really, really love your points and it's exactly what I feel.I leave comments for all those reasons because I would hate for someone to feel like no one cared about what they had to say. And like you, most of the time I'm able to leave a sincere comment based on something in the post that touched me. :-)

Comments are very important to me as well, for all the reasons you mentioned in this post, Jody. It means I've connected with someone else. And like others have said, they often lift me up if I've posted about something troubling.Karen

I'm so conflicted on comments. I love getting them of course, but haven't been doing a good job of leaving them. I blame google reader. I can read all my blogs in one sitting, but to leave a comment I have to leave google reader and go directly to the site and comment. It becomes very, very time consuming to try and do that on all the blogs I follow.

I continue to read all blog posts, but don't often go and comment. I noticed that comments on my own page then dwindled. There's a direct correlation between me leaving comments and receiving comments. I understand it, of course, but still think it's funny.

Just so you know, I'm always out there lurking - following along, even if I'm not commenting. :)

I love your posts Jody. It seems like you always say what I'm thinking (just much more eloquently!) I love comments and I too have realized that you have to give to receive. My blog list is getting long and it's almost impossible to read and comment on every post but I do try to visit everyone at least once every week or two. I value my relationships with blogging friends and I hope to meet you all in real life someday.

To be honest I feel horrible when I don't get a lot of comments. I feel like my blog posts are lacking and I'm not entertaining my readers. This post hit close to home for me. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is concerned with this.

I appreciate getting comments because it lets me know that particular post was helpful. Since my blog is still pretty new, I'm trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. I've been surprised by some of the things that people have commented on; it shows that my readers care about things I didn't think they cared about. I also like getting comments when a new reader has found my blog, because it lets me know they're there and establish a relationship.

That said, I'm not offended if I don't get any comments on a post. Maybe people weren't interested, or maybe they enjoyed it but just didn't have a response. Sometimes I post responses to writing prompts, and I think people feel intimidated commenting on those posts.

I think I've said this before, but... BEFORE I had my own blog, I hesitated to post unless I had something truly worthwhile to say, because I didn't want to "waste their time." Now, of course, I realize how lonely and vulnerable it can feel to post and have nothing come back, so I try to post comments:

1) when I have something interesting to say2) if I really liked the post3) if there aren't many comments yet

Of course, I now follow something like 300 blogs, so I can't keep up with everyone or I'd never get anything done, but when I have time to read, I try to also make a point of writing back.

This is an excellent post, Jody. I do think comments are very meaningful to the writers of posts. It definitely tells the blogger that what they had to say was worth it, and I especially love it when commenters have something to add to the subject.

I will say I read many blogs that I do not comment on. It's not that I don't get benefit from that blog, but I find it physically impossible to comment on every blog I read. Sometimes I only have the time to scan through blog posts in my Google reader.

Add me to the "I love comments" group. It's nice to confirm that someone actually read the post and took their precious time to respond. And to know that what I wrote made a difference in somebody's day.

Now for my confession. I do read more blogs than I comment on. Sometimes the post just doesn't resonate. Or there are already 35 comments saying exactly what I would have said. Should I comment "ditto" or just move on? That said, I do try to comment periodically just so the blogger knows that I'm still lurking around.

Curious question here. What do you do about those who follow your blog on your Facebook feed? They don't show up through Sitemeter and if they don't comment on Facebook (or tell you in person), you'd never know that reader existed. I know it shouldn't matter but I find myself wondering how many Facebook friends are reading my blog over there.

I love getting comments! That's one reason I had the silent contest on my blog last week. The idea just kind of happened... I noticed I was getting close to thirty comments on a post and was like, "I should give the first '30th' commenter in one day a prize"!

I definitely agree with all of your points. I think for writing especially, I'd wonder if my post was really off target if no one commented. I was worried about today's because it is highly personal and longer than I wanted it to be. I'm definitely working on making them "quicker bites".

Jody, I really value you, your friendship, your insight, and your blog! Thanks so much for coming by mine!

I definitely appreciate comments. Mostly because it gives that connection you spoke of. Also, there are many of us that really want to reach people with our books so it stands to reason we'd like to accomplish the same with our posts. Our words reaching others out there who are real people just like us.

You are one of the absolute best bloggers at leaving comments and reciprocating. You are such an example to me in this!

Unfortunately, there is a lot of "snubbing" that happens in blogging -- whether intentional or not. I know it's hard to leave comments. It's hard to keep up. Sometimes I don't get to someone's blog for a few days, but I do go there and I do try to leave a footprint whenever I can think of something encouraging or relevant to say. I am not silent.

Silence speaks as loudly as our words do. Never is this more true than in blogging.

Yes, love them! Blogging is just like any other relationship, you must give and take you cannot only take and not give, soon people will disappear and you'll be pouring your heart out to no one. Jody, you are one of my most treasured commenters, and I truly feel we have developed a friendship. I feel so fortunate to know you! I WISH I could blog like you!

I found the first comment interesting. It shows how different we all really are. I think people blog to express themselves and to open dialog in the form of comments.( –Or for advertisement of some kind).

Comments are nice. It shows that something you did elicited some kind of emotion, even if it is opposed to your view. Now, that being said I’m guilty of reading and not commenting. I don’t want to just write “ditto what all the other people said”. I’d like to see a post about how to leave a comment on a blog when you don’t have anything new to add and just want the author to know you read it.

As for my own blog, I’m a newbie so I don’t expect any comments but I’m thrilled when I get them.

If a blogger uses her blog as a diary, like CJ said, then she wouldn't expect comments. But as Mike said, if it's to engage in discussion, comments are important. They can be a measure of the interest in the topic or simply whether a regular commenter is going through something based on their comments falling off.

I read a lot of blogs everyday. No way I can comment on all of them. Sometimes I'm self-conscious about commenting at all. Do people really care what I have to say, especially if there have been x other commenters before me?

I try to comment when I have an opinion not yet represented, or for which I think a particular nuance has been missed. Sometimes I comment just to encourage the blogger. But for the vast majority of blogs I read, I remain silent.

It's so funny that you posted this today because my post from yesterday was the first time I've had single-digit comments since October. I try not to worry about that, but it does make me question if it was something I wrote or if anyone even came to read it.

I won't worry about a single day, but if I start to see a trend, then I'll know I probably need to change something.

Candee had a couple of great questions: If there are already 35 comments saying exactly what I would have said, should I comment "ditto" or just move on?

My answer: I appreciate hearing everyone's input even if it's nearly the same as everyone else's. But that's just me.

Candee asked: What do you do about those who follow your blog on your Facebook feed?

My answer: I very rarely post my blog to FB. That's a whole other post in and of itself! But when I read other posts from FB, I generally open the blog into a separate window and comment on the blog itself.

I love leaving comments on blogs and I really love getting them on mine! It lets you know if your words/thoughts/feelings/experiences are connecting with others. I especially love when people comment about how I've inspired them. Knowing my journey somehow gives others the strength and ability to trudge on through the inevitable insecurities we all face is beyond golden. ;-)

Megan Rebekah, PatriciaW, and several other mentioned the fact that they follow so many blogs that it's too hard to keep up with commenting on all of them.

My thought: I have more trouble keeping up with the READING of blogs. When I finally have the chance to read blogs, I can usually squeeze in an extra minute to make a comment. My comments might not always be as long as I'd like, but I can leave a short snippet that says I was there!

But I totally understand that we just can't read AND comment on EVERY blog post.

You are right, Jody, I love to receive comments on my blog. It thrills me to a ridiculous extent to have people I've never met interact with me on my blog. It is a blessing and encouragement beyond words, but I also want to have zero expectations of people who stop by. I write about Jesus unabashedly and I know there are friends who read it and who would NEVER comment. I need to be thankful for their time and respect the fact that they just aren't comfortable dialoguing, at least not yet. I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to write and have readers, even if they are silent.

Blog statistics prove people have visited my site, but they don't tell me whether my topic has been interesting to them, or even relevant. Comments provide that information.

For me bogging has become like a conversation. I'm sharing my thoughts and while I don't *always* expect a response I hope my topic makes readers think. Like chatting with a friend, occasional silences are comfortable, but I do appreciate a word now and then to keep the relationship going. :)

Although, I guess there are some rhetorical posts that people use for venting and perhaps those posts are better left undisturbed. Take Job for instance. Once he began suffering, his friends sat with him in complete silence for SEVEN days. I don't want to be comment-free for seven days but you get the idea!

I agree with you Jody! I appreciate the new friends I have made through blogging, and appreciate when they stop by to say hello. I also try to write a short note back to comments made to let them know I read their post and appreciate them.

I love getting comments, but if I'm writing something I'm confident about, like fiction, it doesn't matter as much as when I'm writing non-fiction, because I'm a lot less confident in that style. Good comments seem to boost my confidence no matter what I'm writing.

What a great post! Of course I love getting comments. While I know that ultimately, it's page views and traffic that matter, comments are still so much better than simple statistics. To me, they're validation that people actually care about what they read.

Yes, I love getting comments. But only if they are significantly engaging in the topic posted. 'Nice post' doesn't give me enough feedback. I need more specifics if comments are to be helpful. The confusing thing for me about comments is that my site meter will tell me which posts are the most read, and yet they are not always the posts that generate the most comments. So, comments are not necessarily helpful. But the feedback is obviously nice to have!

Most definitely comments are important. What I strive to do is to get some type of dialogue going with each post, with different voices contributing. It often makes for a lively discussion, as you well know by the comments you get here. It is fun, and I think we all learn from each other too!

I don't think you have to worry Jody, b/c you have 73 comments with mine. :) I think most of us if not all, love comments because of the reasons you gave. It shows someone appreciates our posts. I must admit sometimes it gets a little crazy and it can be hard to keep up with everything else we have on our plate. But when I do get there, I have to comment. PS. I always enjoy reading your posts. You've helped me on many levels.

Of course I like comments on my blog, who doesn't? I just wish I had more time to read blogs. I've got it down to reading blogs at least three times a week because there just isn't the time, but I hate knowing I've missed some good blogs. I need to be better about commenting on the comments on my own blog though. When time is limited, I feel it is better to comment on those I read than on the comments left on my own. I could be wrong.

I think it depends on what your blogging goals are. My blog gets its share of comments, but according to my anaytics, I have way more readers than comments. It's wonderful to get feedback, and commenting is a great way to establish relationships with other bloggers.

For my public blog, I don't mind not always getting comments, but if I go too long without getting any I do wonder if I'm getting boring, uninspired, annoying, etc. Then I get a week of comments and I feel all right again.

I love to get comments! I do because I want to have a conversation with the people who visit my blog. Share thoughts with one another. I have a few other blogs that get visited few and far between, but I keep writing because I need to. Blogging is a great way to express myself whether read or not. I can live without the comments, but I really like to engage with my visitors and see what others are thinking.

Jody, well, your comments on my blog absolutely make my day every time, so whatever you're doing, it's working. I feel like if we were next-door neighbors, we would also be very good friends. I have truly enjoyed getting to know you, and it all started with a blog comment. Now, I honestly can't imagine not hearing from you on a regular basis. Even if not every day (I don't want to put too much pressure on you), I really look forward to our sharing. I know it's largely because (as you hinted on my blog today) we have so much in common at this juncture in our lives. We are both mothers of five, the same age, and both writers, not to mention followers of the best author out there -- Christ himself. There is so much on which we can connect. So, if I haven't said it already, I am so grateful for you, both what you share with the world and what you share with me, personally. That said, it has taken me ALL day to get to your post, which isn't normal. Usually it's one of the first things I read with my morning coffee. It was one of those days. NOW I feel like my Monday has taken place. Whew! So glad I was able to visit finally. And wow, you get a LOT of comments. Amazing how quickly you've grown. Well, you need to build that platform, right? And you're doing it! Anyway, I'm gushing a bit here over you but it's well-deserved. Thanks for being you!

Comments definitely matter to me - it's affirmation that there are actually people out there in the void.

I'm going to be blunt here - I think it's actually a bit rude to read someone's blog regularly and never ever comment. I'm not talking about those blogs where hundreds of people comment, I'm talking about that person who gets maybe two of three comments on a post and who you know saying something, ANYTHING, would mean a whole lot to them.

I know that about 30 people a day read my blog - back in May when I got engaged of course I wanted to share it with blogger world. Especially since they'd been along on the crazy ride of how Josh and I met and our relationship started. From memory two or three people commented. That almost made me quit blogging altogether - it really upset me that these "lurkers" find their way to my site every other day but on one of the most exciting days of my life they couldn't even bother to leave a "Wow, that's so exciting, congratulations."

Wow, it was such a bonus reading through all of these comments, as well as your post, Jody, thx.And if you want to engage the readers or have dialogue type posts then not getting comments would sting. But if the post is a small story, just writing, or photos, or a poem, then sometimes it is difficult to find the words . I have sat and stared at white space , not knowing how to tell a blogger once again that their writing leaves me breathless or in tears or stunned.Sometimes I just want to savour it , ponder it. etc.Then I try to go back and share that ... but as I am discovering more and more amazing bloggers, it is of course getting more daunting. And I am equally confused about the comment vs email thing. Perhaps you can discuss that at some point.

Well, this was just what I needed to read this evening before (finally) heading to bed. You encapsulate so well what I think of as the really transformative thing about blogging. Thanks for this, and I look forward to your suggestions for getting more comments on one's blog.

I do agree with some of the other commenters that more literary writing doesn't necessarily spark instant responses--and that we probably shouldn't expect it to. On the other hand, commenting on blogs is a learned skill, one that many people are just starting to get into as more magazines and mainstream-media outlets head online.

Today my beta and I were just how we don't have enough time to comment as much as we'd like to, but I do try my best to comment on posts I read. And I do love hearing from all my online friends. Always brightens my day.

Really great post, Jody. I try to comment if I've got something relevant to say, not just leave a link to try to get someone back.

My motto is "to have a friend, you have to be a friend."

I look at my own blog as "morning coffee with friends and colleagues" where I can brainstorm, dissect process, and talk about whatever's on my mind.

When people come into MY space and troll and get nasty, then I strike back. It's MY territory; come in and be respectful. I don't mind disagreement, but I do mind trolls. If you don't like what I talk about or how I say it, then leave and don't come back, but don't expect me to change to suit someone I don't know who's stopped by to leave a nasty comment on the equivalent of a cyber-drive-by. Far too many people I know have packed up their toys and gone home because of nasty comments. I realize it's part of the deal, part of the gig, but I do set boundaries.

Comments are what make blogging unique and so satisfying. They help shape me as a writer, reflect parts of myself back to me that I might not have seen before, and are a great way to meet new friends. I love comments!

I admit that when I see those emails that indicate someone has left a comment on my blog, I smile so big and open those emails first. I love comments! Even the short and sweet ones. It's nice to know someone took time to read a post AND then a few minutes to comment.

Comments build a relationship between bloggers as well. I like getting to know my blogosphere neighbors.

I love comments. I'm hungry to know that what I say means something more than just words on a screen. When I see that I have new comments I smile. I've had comments that made me think, made me laugh out loud, made me cry. I love it. I feel connected again to the world after feeling cut off for so long.

Writing is too lonely not to blog. Besides, we're all meeting up at a conference someday, right? I mean, that was the plan. And yes, I am a comment girl. I need the affirmation that I am on track somehow, somewhere.But you, you are on the road!

I love getting comments! It's fun to interact with so many people who are like-minded and "get it". Comments make it feel more like a conversation, like we've been heard. Plus, we're all in different stages and we can help/support each other regardless of where we are in the process.

You know, I never thought about the idea of no one ever posting. Most bloggers are such thoughtful people. And they actually seem to care that we know they appreciate us. But if no one ever posted comments, I suppose that would be an odd, lonely feeling.

My desire in my writing is to encourage people on some level. Without comments I have no way of knowing if I am doing that. Some who are regular commentors on my blogs are becoming friends. I hope to meet them someday. I wish I had more time to read more blogs and to comment on every one. I want to be there for others as they are there for me.Diane

I love it when people comment on my posts. Sometimes those comments inspire me in ways that the commenter never even intended! So, I try to return the comment favor as much as possible when I visit other blogs.

I visited. I connected. I want to relate! ;-) Actually, I've just stumbled on your blog via a twitter link and I'm devouring it. And this is my first comment, so kidding aside, you deserve a huge congratulations on your book deal, on your perseverance and on your commitment to sharing the twists, turns and wisdom of your experience with us, many who are aspiring to duplicate your success. I've already learned plenty, and I'm going to recommend that other writers visit your blog for a little tutor-time. I look forward to the launch of your book!

I foundmy way here from Rachelle Gardner's blog. Your comment there about being able to maintain a writing lifestyle while homeschooling give me great hope! I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog, and your books :)