Movember Woe

29 November, 2017

I spent most of November trying to grow a moustache for Movember, which has become the norm for me at this time of the year but it didn’t go as well as expected this time around. This is mainly my fault as I started 10 days late, so by midway through the month I was still looking alarmingly similar to Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins in the 90s.

Even towards the end of November I was still looking like a Jewish teenager on the cusp of puberty, and was having to hurry past the playground on my walk to work to avoid being mistaken for a sex offender (although this happens to me even sans moustache in fairness). I began to panic at one stage – fearing I may have developed mange – as my facial hair seems to be on the decline rather than improving with age. But, as with the hair on my head, maybe my facial follicles are just too apathetic to grow now. Possibly I’m allergic to having hair. What if all hair – anywhere on the body – just hates me and wants to piss me off?

(Here’s me at around the 14th and the results at this point, are pathetic, as you can see.)

Another problem I found – was that people just don’t seem to be that impressed by Movember in any more, and maybe for good reason; as although it’s a very worthwhile cause, growing a moustache isn’t that big of a deal anymore – why would you expect people to donate money simply for growing some facial hair on your top lip?

Furthermore, working in Hackney Road in East London – anyone with a moustache could be taking in this charitable cause, or they could just be your standard Hipster tosser trying to be cool – it’s very hard to tell. Or they could be one of the feral rat-people that you often see, gurning and scurrying around in the area (I’ll talk more about The Feral Rat-People of Hackney Rd in another blog post soon).

If I take part next year, I will have to do something bold if I want to make any impact and raise some dosh – so potentially a Hitler moustache would do the job…