First things first judge, you know a lady is old when the winter weather is shaking her osteoporotic bones. Okay, so maybe I don’t have osteoporosis, but when it goes from 50 to 30 degrees with snow overnight, I would rather be inside quilting and watching The Young and the Restless.

E-mailing, Twittering, Facebooking, IMing, GChatting, texting…I much prefer the way they did in the olden days. A good ol’ handwritten letter via the Pony Express US Postal Service…

Thank you Bekah for the amazing goods – coconut chia granola, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and cumin/cinnamon/maple-scented almonds! Did I mention she is fabulous and going to the C.I.A.?

Back to the trial…and what 70-year-old doesn’t like smooshy baby food?

I forgot to mention I was up at 8am on a Saturday. That may not solidify 70-year-old status, but it definitely helps the case, no?

In addition, I spent the day working. Although I am a 70-year-old at heart judge, I am still trapped in a 24-year-old body, which means I still have to clean, freelance writing, drink coffee like its my job, catch up on People and eat some more (my metabolism hasn’t slowed down that much yet)…

After lunch, I had the requisite 2nd cup of tea for the day while packing my 2nd lunch, to be consumed at my part-time job…

Judge, how can a 70-year-old lady bear to do anything more after she has been on her feet for four hours? It took all my 24-year-old energy (whatever is left of it) to haul ace to the gym to complete a workout.

Yes, I may have done 80 minutes on the treadmill (60 minutes of 5-minute alternating intervals of walking + running, followed by a 20 minute cooldown walk), but that was only because the Hallmark Channel was playing “Mrs. Miracle,” starring my friend Doris Roberts. How can an old lady resist a good seasonal romantic movie? She can’t. I can’t.