Our Chemical Romance

Call it falling in love, call it the fairy tale romance. We romance readers love it, that special feeling when we read a book and sigh over the budding love between the hero and heroine.

But it’s a lot easier to get swept up in romantic love than to nurture the real thing. “Falling in love” is probably one of the easiest things in the world to do, because our bodies are created and crafted to respond to love, and um, physical attraction.

First there’s eye contact, then a smile, then that spark. C’mon, ladies. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You know when it happens. Endorphins in our brains send our hearts soaring when the interest is mutual—yes, that’s the falling in love part.

Adrenaline surges through our bodies, our hearts pounds, our palms sweat. Yes, indeedy, we’re revved up. Then comes the effects of dopamine: We can’t eat. We can’t sleep. Another feeling we get comes from a chemical in our bodies called oxytocin, which has been called the love hormone.

Love isn’t blind, but all those hormones can mask reality.

Sometimes in relationships, we spend more time enjoying getting attached to someone, before spending time thinking (yes, thinking!) about if that “someone” is truly right for us, or if we’re right for them.

We need to use our heads to guide our hearts; it’s far, far easier to back off in the beginning, before the hormones take over and we succumb to the mind-blinding thing called love.

The writer of Proverbs even refers to this chemical mystery: “There are three things that amaze me— no, four things that I don’t understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman.” (Prov. 30:18-19)

I told my daughter a long time ago, it’s okay to accept someone’s quirks and shortcomings in a love relationship, but character flaws? Those end up hurting the people far more deeply and breed “drama” in relationships. Some may think it normal, and fall in and out of love when someone better comes along.

In my latest release, Tempest’s Course, my heroine Kelly Frost comes with a bit of baggage. Kelly’s had a hard-knock life up until this point. She’s a former foster kid who grew out of the system, then put herself through college and become one of the top textiles conservators in Massachusetts.

But Kelly has longed for love, not only the love of a real family, but the love of a man. In her search for love, she’s been burned—by someone who kept a very important fact about his life from her. Not only did she compromise herself, but when the truth was exposed, it harmed her personal and business reputations. This all happens before her story begins, but makes her quite gun-shy about feelings she has for Tom Pereira, who has heart issues of his own.

While she restores an old Mariner’s Compass quilt housed in a whaling captain’s mansion, she learns to accept God’s love for her, and learns to accept the love of people around her.

– – – –

What guidance would you share with a young person, who’s looking for that special someone? How can someone “use their head to guide their heart?”

Leave a comment and contact information for a chance to win a copy of Tempest’s Course. Winner to be selected on 2/28/2014 (US and Canada only).

Lynette Sowell is the award-winning author of over 15 titles for Barbour Publishing, Harlequin, and Abingdon Press. Lynette was born in Western Massachusetts in the shadow of the Berkshire Mountains, raised on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, but makes her home on the doorstep of the Texas hill country. She loves reading, cooking, watching movies, and is always up for a Texas road trip. When she's not writing fiction, she works as a reporter for her city newspaper and has a weekly column called My Front Porch.

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Welcome to the community at Inspy Romance! The authors are so happy to see you. We offer two random commenters a $20 Amazon gift card every month, so don’t be shy! Jump in, and let’s get to know each other.

The friendship factor sometimes get left on the back burner, especially in light of the chemicals mentioned above. But I agree that it is oh-so-important when it comes to romance. Hubby and I were friends for 3 years before we started dating. Now thirty-three years later, he’s still my best friend on earth.

Love this! I told my kids before they were married: Love is a choice. It’s an action, not a feeling. On those days when you wonder what the heck you were thinking to marry this person, remember it’s a choice! Hubby and I have been married almost 34 years, and our kids are at 11 and 9. Sometimes we all still need that reminder…

I loved your advice about letting your head guide your heart. It’s always sad to see folks hook up with the “wrong” person and the fall-out that follows from poor choices. The good thing? God’s ways are wiser than ours if we’ll avail ourselves to His timing instead of trying to coordinate things for Him.

Yes, it is very sad to see people give from their hearts, give parts of themselves away on dead-end relationships that are less than what they deserve. Not looking for perfection, but like you said, going with God’s timing for His best.

My husband knew my older sister for a year, before he met me. My sister considered him to be a good friend, but knew nothing would materialize for them, because she was 7 years older than John. She always said whenever anyone asked (and they did) that it would be like dating her little brother. What she didn’t tell them was that by the time she had known John for 6 months, she was pretty certain she had met her future brother in law. My sister knew me well enough to know that John and I would be good for each other. When we met, we quickly became close friends. So close, John was very hesitant to ask me out on a date. He told me, later, that as much as he wanted to date me to SEE if there was more to our relationship than friendship, the thought of losing me as a friend, if something went wrong was too excruciating a thought to bear, until he was pretty certain I was the one. Therefore, once we finally started dating, we knew each other so well, it only took 2 months for him to propose.

My advice to singles is don’t rush things, stop LOOKING, and let God bring the two of you together, focus on building quality friendships with both sexes, be an observer, go on tons of group activities, ask people you trust how well THEY know any person you wish to date, and simply play it smart.

John and I met through church…choir and Sunday School. We both went to the weekly Sunday evening singles “let’s go eat after church”, as well as a Friday night singles meal gathering for anyone not on a date that night. Once John and I started dating, we dated on Thursday nights, then John picked me up, and took me to the Friday night dinner with the singles department. I learned a bunch about John, as well as about the other guys in the singles group through those group activities. I also went to any singles game night or other activity.

I was always very cautious about dating, because I saw two women who I considered very smart, marry the wrong guy, and end up divorced. I saw another, who broke off her engagement only 2 weeks before her wedding. Neither of these women were flighty girls who were too giddy about marriage in general to lose their brains. When I realized that strong Christian women could get it wrong, It shook me to the core. I remember asking my Dad to promise me he would tell me to NOT marry the guy, if he saw red flags. To my surprise, my Dad said “No” He told me he would pray for me, voice his concerns to God, and to me, if he felt God was prompting, but that he knew me well enough to know I would use my head, not just the emotional feelings. Well, Dad passed away before I got engaged, but he was correct about me. In fact, I had prayed for God to keep the “goo” as I called it, at bay, until I knew I had found the correct guy. From the day I said “yes” until the day I said “I do”, I was a gooey mess. LOL

Thanks for sharing your story, brightflute! I especially like how you asked God to keep the “goo” out until the right guy came along. God is so faithful, as you already know. I’m so happy for you and your husband. You’ve got a great story to tell. :)

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