There was a problem on the International Space Station and we shot two men up there to fix it, like a downed power line, on Christmas Eve. It was a future activity disguised as a handyman task. It was awesome. It was very 2014.

2013 was a man setting up a tee in a public park. It was a kneel at halftime in a football game. A nod at a party. It was lorem ipsum on a wedding invitation.

But 2014? 2014 is the year we apply caulk among the stars and call it roofing.

We're all-in on 2014. Let's throw all of our Bitcoins at it.

Just look at what we already know.

Justin Bieber is waning, like one of those old crank fire alarms running out of momentum. Miley Cyrus appears to be talented and fine, if too everywhere. Maybe Robin Thicke will surprise us, but I doubt it. Someone else will come off of the conveyor belt and it'll feel like we're washing our hair.

Louis C.K. has a TV show coming back. He's like George Carlin with The Beatles' amplifier. We need him, and he's coming back, and he's going to win a bunch of awards this time. It's going to force him to make an acceptance speech that we'll be doodling in big jagged letters on the margins of scrap paper until we roll in dirt eternally.

You'll also spend a couple of weeks on the couch watching new "Mad Men" and "House of Cards" and "Better Call Saul" and it'll feel like you read a really nice book. Then you'll get a Fitbit or something and you'll run a little bit longer than before, because we're finally using tech the right way.

You'll take Uber or Lyft to the airport. Your friends will hate you less. They won't have to shove your Patagonia bag onto the roof of their Prius at 4 a.m. on a Tuesday.

The terrible stuff will be more automated if you do it all right. We're entering that nice, cushy spot between industrialization and the robots taking over.

A Japanese pitcher is coming to America who started 27 games last year and never lost. About seven 18-year-olds who are already better than most of the NBA will be the brand new crown jewels of Utah and Milwaukee. Russell Wilson might be the new Bo Jackson. We'll get a new batch of speed skaters, bobsledders, biathletes, and curlers from the Olympics to refresh our new reality TV shows. Hockey will keep happening.

Ted Cruz will melt.

Have you felt that subtle shake-up in power? The one where bullshit is called with great consistency? The one where Nate Silver gets his own website and a staff and a fistful of cash not because he shouted the loudest or punched back the hardest but because he was 100 percent, unquestionably right?

That's happening in 2014, by the way. The bullshit is getting synthesized. It's going into the treatment plant. We might not have a Brita Filter to make it all digestible yet, but we'll start to taste something funny in the water.

You're Not Going to Believe This One Website That's Going to Die Hard Because People Will Finally Start to Sniff Out Emotionally Manipulative Headlines and, Thank God, Become More Media Conscious in the Process. That's going to be a fun week.

More of the bigoted will start coughing dust and they'll turn to people they'd previously admonished or disowned for help. The persecuted will carry them on their backs to a comfortable place, as history tends to allow.

"What's Twerking?" a child will ask, earnestly. Thunderous applause will arise from the aisles of the supermarket in which you are buying discounted, probably returned cookies.

Some will begin to well up.

"I don't know," you'll say, in between tears, before driving directly to church to convert to whatever.