untangling the ramblings in my head

Belated Teenage

Just when I thought I was out of that “phase“, I’m wrong again. Dad’s arrival has made hell break loose in my currently already down-hill goin pace.

I try to swallow food that refuses to go beyond my throat. Dad goes, “God is punishing me for some terrible sin that I have committed perhaps in my last life. Why couldn’t I have a normal girl like every other man.” Mom goes, “She will do everything you say, don’t get worried”, giving me a dirty look. Dad continues his rant, “You are not a human being, you know that?” Lol. *Zillioneth time I’m hearing that. From you “dad”* [thats the voice in my head]

As I somehow choke down the rest of lunch, he goes again, “I have seen so many girls in my life. But you are not a human!!”

Gluging down my water, just about to get up,

“You drink Red Bull!!” screeches my dad

“Huh?” I look up, blinking.

“No girl I have ever seen in my life of 53 years drinks Red Bull!!” he roars, eyes bulging.

Turning to my mom “And you encourage her!!”

Mom shifts nervously in her chair, looking at the wall.

Dad grabs a Red Bull from the baggage, eyes going up and down the can.

“Not suitable for children, pregnant women and pheeeeetooo…ics” Dad roars, “Not for children do you hear!!”

Now you may think this is some kinda joke. No. Not in the least. My father is roaring. Currently, red in the face. Red Bull you see is the reason for all my non-normal behavior. And he thinks I still belong in ‘children‘. 23 year old me is children.

I want to laugh now. Desperately trying to pull down my curving up lips, I look at mom.

Mom is struggling to keep a straight face. Which makes this about impossible to…

“Its sugar-free dad…” I manage, getting up to go.

“You are an animal. Only animals do the things you do.” Goes him again

“And you wear stuff on your face.” He rants. (read stuff = lip stick)

“That is why you cannot concentrate, you are too busy putting crap on your face” Gripping the table to death.

“No decent girl I know in my 53 years of life wears make-up” He screeches.

I rush off to my room, closing the door. Not locking. Coz the looks like the first thing my dad did on reaching was break the locking mechanism of my door. Lol.

Hi Haunted_Doc. Got a message today that you liked my blog on verbal abuse so I thought I’d check your blog as well. WoW!!!! You are a powerhouse to live through these scenes and come out the other end tough enough to write about it. Only proves Proverbs 8:15…The Spirit we received does not make us slaves again to fear…

Thank you so much 🙂 yeah fear is a terrible thing to be a slave of.
As I see it now, two choices, fall and cry over something that wont change or look to the future and assure yourself that a new day will bring your dreams in.
God Bless 🙂

Katie,
Have you read about the cycle of abuse? If not, I would love to provide you that information. Also, have you been geting any psychological help? Being in the field I believe it is only ethical to suggest it when I see someone in so much pain, and it is quite clear that you are. Let me know how I can help. Good luck with your demons.

Hey Aarika, that would be great! 🙂
I’m still a student so as much as I would like to run out of this, I’m still dependent on my parents. Psychological help, well its not that easy now.
Hoping I reach the light at the end of this tunnel soon.
Thank you so much for your support 🙂 God Bless.