Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Most people hate doormen but I think they're fascinating. I'm biast - I work in a Dublin city nightclub so I get to watch them at work several nights a week. The doorman is a changed creature over the past few years - generally most of 'em are decent enough skins who want to go home from work in one piece so they can play with their kids the next day. Diplomacy is a virtue - aggressiveness isn't. Theres also lots of venues for the public to go to these days.

Our head doorman has been in the same venue for over a decade. We figure he must've started at the age of 10. This man has the uncanny knack of being able to detect illicit booze being brought into the venue by just staring at the punter for 5 seconds. He can tell you you're not getting in and make it sound like a compliment. If you got barred from our venue ten years ago he'll still remember your face. Its like he ate a batch of very bad kryponite and gained new superpowers that only a doorman would find useful.

Doormen have their own bizarre humour . Hardly suprising cos its a bizarre job. It can be boring at times, so it gives the lads plenty of time for philosophical discussion. I walked out for a smoke one evening into a conversation that involved the doorstaff explaining to the head doorman that unicorns weren't real. But they were according to him. They were mentioned in the bible. These arguments can rage for hours much to the amusement of customers outside. (The ones queueing to get in are too afraid to crack a smile at this - bouncers can have very low self esteem and don't like to think they're the butt of a joke).

Every now and then we get a new doorman. We have had the occasional bad egg/rotten apple but they tend not to last long. The clubs don't like them and the other bouncers have ways of showing their feelings to the new recruit.

Final thought. Nearly all doorstaff love American wrestling. Do NOT tell them that its fake or it'll be a long time before you see the inside of a Dublin bar again. And they'll always remember your face ...

I used to do a gig in Nightowls in Ranelagh. Was underage at the time and like a lamb to the slaughter. Got taken under the arm of one of the doormen. Nice guy, used to make sure I was looked after, nobody was hassling me, always got me a taxi and made sure I was paid at the end of the night. Top bloke - he's doing time in Portlaoise now. That's a different story for a drunken night.

A thesis on why blow jobs are so great, bouncers talking about unicorns, dead squirrels on pitch and putt courses, the love of Cadet Cola, bikini politics, pirated tv, true love, finding out a member of my family always wanted to be a wrestling commentator, tech tips and the insanity of small town America.

That is why this is truly the most interesting place I've ever been :)