Riot Buries Solo Queue in Bottom of Ocean

— April 12, 2016

Riot Games has erected a statue off the coast of Queensland, Australia, in their first visit to OCE in years. In honor of the millions of players who play ranked, the statue will contain the original and only source code for solo queue, stored in a non-waterproof hard drive.

“I guess you can say that solo queue is now a ‘sandbox’ mode,” quipped David “Phreak” Turley. “Aha, hahaha, hAhaHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. This is funny because puns are humorous.”

“Plus, we also dumped the actual Sandbox Mode in there,” he added.

Dynamic queue has come under a slew of criticism, most vocally from entitled pro players who think that solo queue is some kind of “training ground” for them to “succeed” in their “livelihoods.”

“Communication is often the only thing necessary to turn five incompetent solo queue players into a force to be reckoned with,” said Cloud 9 Quarterfinals Strategist William “Meteos” Hartman. “I mean, look at TSM vs. IMT.”

Dynamic queue in League of Legends was reportedly inspired by a similar system in Heroes of the Storm. In this vein, Riot also hopes to add auction houses, the R8 revolver, and TI2-era Lycan to their game.

Currently, Riot hopes that the new statue will encourage the regrowth of coral reefs, as well as the wildlife that come with it. However, Riot staff have been patrolling the reef, bludgeoning to death any organisms that do not travel in groups.

“The prophecy foretells that I may only be struck down by a hero wielding the solo queue source code,” brooded Jeffrey “Lyte” Lin from a throne made of support tickets. “Let’s see those fuckers try now.”