Are you breaking up?

You did know this was coming, right? The 6 signs your relationship is on the rocks

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August 07, 2012|By Leonor Vivanco, RedEye

Your boyfriend used to text or call you every day. You used to have your hands all over each other. Your girlfriend used to plan fun date nights.

The operative words being "used to." As in, not anymore. Now you hear from him four days later. You two barely hold hands in public. And she's all about going out with her friends instead.

What exactly is going on? Hate to break it to you, but all signs point to one thing: You, my friend, are about to be dumped. Welcome to Splitsville. But you are not alone; a number of celebrities lately have visited and checked into the Heartbreak Hotel. "Twi"-hards were shocked that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson. Tom Cruise was caught off guard by Katie Holmes filing divorce papers in June. Kris Humphries seemed blindsided when Kim Kardashian filed for divorce.

Chances are, however, there were red flags that a breakup was about to happen.

"Breaking up never comes out of nowhere, ever," said David Wygant, an L.A.-based dating expert. "There's so many signs people don't want to admit."

RedEye talked to dating experts to get clued in to the warning signs a relationship is on the rocks.

Any of the six signs is a good reason to check in with your significant other, experts said. Otherwise, the problems will get bigger. Nobody likes to face the end of a relationship, but as uncomfortable as it can be, experts suggest having a heart-to-heart conversation.

"It's really about nipping it in the bud if you want to fix the relationship," said Lisa Steadman, author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

1. Hello?

Watch out for changes in communication.

Notice if the person takes longer to text back than he did before—or if he doesn't call for three days when he used to call five times a day, Wygant said. It shows his significant other is no longer a priority and indicates a deeper problem.

"They come up with excuses: 'I was working all day. I was really tired when I got home,'" Wygant said.

When together, not talking about important things and avoiding real issues in the relationship is the first sign the dynamic in the relationship has changed, Steadman said.

"In the beginning there was a lot of chemistry or you had fun together, whatever it is, that starts to dissipate," she said. "The things you appreciated and enjoyed in the relationship kind of go away."

2. Going the distance

It's a bad sign when the couple starts to live separate lives, Steadman said.

Whether a significant other is spending more time with friends or simply making major decisions without consulting her partner, it creates distance in the relationship.

"Typically you can feel them withdrawing and you don't feel as connected to them as you used to," Steadman said.

3. Not bringing sexy back

Can't remember the last time there were fireworks in the bedroom? Uh-oh.

A good indicator something is up is when the sex goes down, Wygant said. It may mean the couple doesn't do it for each other sexually if, for example, he wants to get sex over with quickly or would rather go to sleep or watch a movie than get it on, he said.

The couple may be going through the motions and only connecting on a physical level, Steadman said. What's more likely is that the sex life is non-existent and excuses are being made for not getting lucky, she said.

"Maybe you have a pretty consistent sex life and all of the sudden it's once a month. Every time you make a move, you're shot down," she said.

4. Watch my body

Pay attention to body language because it changes on the verge of a breakup, experts said.

For example, a partner sitting on the couch five feet away from you and pouting is troublesome, Wygant said. It's not a good sign either when a significant other pushes his partner away when she tries to kiss him or freezes when she tries to hold hands or stiffens when she tries to touch him.

Also watch out if a partner rolls his eyes and acts like it's a sacrifice to be affectionate, Steadman said. "It's just not loving, supportive or reciprocal, and it's more of a duty," she said.

5. Lip service

If the same conversation about what's wrong with the relationship happens over and over again and nothing ever changes, a breakup is on the way, Wygant said.

That "we need to talk" line isn't always a step to a breakup, Steadman said, but get ready for a serious talk. Usually, she said, it means "you're about to get a bomb dropped on you."

6. Shape up

When a person stops caring about his or her appearance, it's like he or she is checking out of the relationship, Steadman said.

On the flip side, if he or she is suddenly on a weight-loss kick, it's possible the person wants to be hot and sexy for somebody else and is getting ready for an exit, she said.

If a partner is getting in shape and the sex isn't increasing, a breakup may be about to happen, Wygant said.