Sex Vs. Romance: Not Everyone Fits The Stereotypes

Men want sex, women want romance. Men just act romantic to get sex, women just act sexy to get romance.

Is it true? Or is it just another one of those male/female myths, like girls are bad at science, boys are bad at English? Some thoughts:

- Wendy: ``I`m involved with a wonderful man. But he would just as soon kiss a rabid animal as spend time on romance. I am a sensual, romantic person. All those years reading Harlequin romances ruined me. When we met, just talking to him would give me shivers and being with him would make me tingle. Now I`m used to him and romance takes more work. But when I talk about it, he feels betrayed. He thinks the real me is in a pod somewhere. When I make him a wonderful dinner, rub his feet and then say I just want to cuddle, you`d think I`d told him to jump into a nuclear waste dump. Just cuddle? What kind of sexually repressed person am I? Kissing for the sake of kissing? Holding for the sake of holding? He says I got those stupid ideas from reading too much. He measures the success of our relationship by how often we have sex. He doesn`t understand the difference between sensual and sexual.``

- Donald: ``On two occasions I had the opportunity to have sex at the end of a first date. Both times I took a pass and in both instances I never saw the woman again-her choice. There are plenty of women out there who just want sex and there are many men who want romance.``

- Frank: ``To men, sex is romance.``

- Janey: ``After two years, the romance has never left our relationship. I get flowers for no special reason, cards to remind me he`s thinking of me, phone calls to say he loves me, and new outfits to surprise me. He takes cooking lessons so he can pamper me, leaves his golf game so I don`t feel neglected, works two jobs to surprise me with a vacation, drives 20 miles at 3 a.m. just to give me a kiss and a hug, tells me I`m beautiful even when I look my worst, brings in dinner when I`m not feeling well, makes sure that my car is well maintained so I`ll be safe when I`m driving without him, gets up for work an hour early so he can bring me coffee and the morning paper, hides little love notes on my car window. It just keeps getting better and better.`` - Cassie: ``Sex goes only so far in a relationship. Romance carries love the rest of the way.``

- Nadine: ``I love romance as much as anyone, but I love sex more. Both together is best. What is nicer than a candlelight dinner, romantic music and a sensuous man, followed by unbelievable sex?``

- Kenny: ``Sex by itself can be very empty. Unfortunately, I`ve found it much easier to find sex than romance.``

- Theresa: ``Men only want sex, but they`re too embarrassed to admit it, because they know it`s tacky. They`ll wine and dine you, but only with the thought that the night will end with sex.``

- Lori: ``For 11 years, I was married to a man who did not have the word

`romantic` in his vocabulary. The closest he ever got to romantic was when the furnace broke down and he offered me the corner of an electric blanket. Now I`ve met a man who writes me poems and leaves loving messages on my answering machine. We kiss, we touch and, best of all, we talk.``

- Judy: ``You get tired of sex, but never romance.``

- Ed and Dora: ``We were married 38 years ago. We have three children and five grandchildren. We both desire romance and the sex act is only the culmination of our deep feelings. Every night we hold hands, kiss and hug. About two-thirds of the time it ends in sex. But it doesn`t have to as long as the feelings are there.``

----------

What do you and your spouse/lover/whatever fight about? Send your tale to Cheryl Lavin, Tales From the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611. Include your name, address and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part and become the property of the column.