Over the past several days, I’ve taken time out of what has proven to be an increasingly hectic, NATO-warplane-filled schedule to address my people as to the geo-political benefits of serving as human shields, and to write your Congress a heartfelt little thank-you note for their continued support. But, over the weekend, I realized something quite shocking. It has been a long time since you and I last spoke! An inexcusably long time! For this, I must apologize. You must trust me when I say that it is quite a challenge to run a modern democracy—there are so many elaborate costumes!

Now, you might be a teeny-tiny, eensy-weensy bit angry at me. A lot of things have happened over the years, things that might be termed by some as being—how to put this?—“explosive” in nature, and perhaps—though nothing can be proven—originating from our country, kept happening. Please know that the people responsible for these deeds—certainly not anyone that we know—will most assuredly and decisively be punished, if they haven’t been already, which, undoubtedly, they already have. Read more at The Huffington Post.