Weekend Movies: Five Reasons to Watch Goon

There are few sports I actually like. One of them is European football (American, not so much. Yeah, yeah, I’m a bad American. Now go call the Waaaaaaambulance.). The other is hockey. Jesus Christ do I love hockey. I can pick out a goon on a team like there’s no tomorrow, and goddamn do I love a fight. So when 2011’s Goon came out, I had to watch it, if only because there are so few really good hockey movies out there. This one doesn’t disappoint. If you’re a total smartass that likes sports violence, here are five reasons to bop on over to Netflix this weekend and check it out.

Oh yes.

#1 – The lead character is a nice guy

Doug Glatt (Seann William Scott) is not the smartest guy on the bench, but he is by far and away the nicest. He’s kind, he’s considerate, he’s a good sportsman – he genuinely cares about his team, his parents and his love interest. He knows that he’s not bright or a talented player, but he gives it his all and tries his best to help others see them the way he does. Call it simple or naïve, but this is someone we could use more of in our lives. You really have to see this one to grasp just how awesome Doug really is.

#2 – Pat

Jay Baruchel’s smartass character is reason alone to watch this. To say he’s crass is an understatement. Every other word out of his mouth is a swearword. The hand and mouth gestures are proof that he will not be babysitting anyone anytime soon. He has no boundaries, and you can’t help but laugh when Pat’s in a scene. He’s also a supportive friend that bolsters spirits when no one else will. The best part is that everyone knows at least one Pat, and you love this person. Pat’s a scene-stealer.

I love Pat.

#3 – Hockey violence

Did you really think I wasn’t going to go near this one? Come on – it’s a movie about a hockey enforcer! There’s blood and painful injury galore. Think a one-man version of the Hanson brothers from Slapshot. This isn’t like a slasher flick: this is the pure crunch of two men beating the shit out of each other with a roaring crowd behind them. It gives you all the fighting you go in hoping to see when you watch a game. And you will love it as much as I do.

#4 – The team

The team members of the film’s Halifax Highlanders are hysterical. Between the goalie with the penchant for Percocet, the two French guys that have to egg him on (two words: beach ball), and the captain who’s weathering a divorce without much success, the guys are a good time. There’s a closeness reflected in the way that people rip on each other; you can always tell by how much someone has your back in terms of how much they’re willing to bust your balls. These guys don’t disappoint. They will crack you up.

#5 – It has something to say about the role of the enforcer

A goon is not the best player; hell, he’s usually not the best skater (hence easy to spot). He might be able to take some shots on the goal, but really, that’s not his purpose. This one explores a purpose other than the sheer glee of using other players as a punching bag. The goon takes out the competition, sure, but there’s more to it than that. The goon makes sure that no one hurts his team. The goon is around to keep everyone else safe. At the end of the day, we all want someone watching our backs. This one will make youa appreciate that a bit more by way of nice guy Doug.

“I bleed for my team.”

If you’re a hockey fan, you need to watch this. If you’re not, give this one a shot anyway. It’s that good.