Easter Smiles And More... :) Shangy!
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================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
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^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You as You Do! Thank You! :)
-<>-
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
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We have some fun ones sure to tickle your funny bone!
This first hot tickler is from our friend Linda. Amazing
what people will try to get away with! Each of this is
a violation - and most certainly a most humorous one!
Turn up your sound, give it time to load and enjoy...
Over The Limit!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit.html
---
...Totally crazy! LOL! Thanks Linda!
This next hot giggler is from our friend Geniann. It is
a head shaker. No doubt Uncle Goof-Off was at work again!
Again turn up you sound and give it time to load. Check
it out here and the video too - one of my favs!
Only ONE Job!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob.html
---
...Wow! Unbelievable! LOL! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: A Congressmen's Lunch
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A pair of congressmen met for lunch to hash out their political
differences. Ten minutes into the meal, one angrily pounded the
table. "You're lying!" he shouted.
"Of course I'm lying," the other said, "but hear me out."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day
March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach Festival Day
March 27 is National "Joe" Day
March 28 is Something On A Stick Day
March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day
March 30 is I Am In Control Day
March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The Half Shell Day
=======================================================
>-->THE FIRST EASTER BUNNY... by Francine M. O'Connor
(ASCII Art by joan stark)
__ /^\
.' \ / :.\ This is the story of a long-eared rabbit
/ \ | :: \ who couldn't learn to do the bunny hop.
/ /. \ / ::: | His ears were floppy, his feet were sloppy.
| |::. \ / :::'/ He'd hippity hop, then he'd trip and plop.
| / \::. | / :::'/
`--` \' `~~~ ':'/`
/ ( So this little rabbit developed the habit
/ 0 _ 0 \ of staying awake when the sun went down.
\/ \_/ \/ He'd stay up all night,
-== '.' | '.' ==- till the morning light, and
/\ '-^-' /\ practice his hopping just outside of town.
\ _ _ /
.-`-((\o/))-`-.
_ / //^\\ \ _ On the first Easter morn,
."o".( , .:::. , )."o". just before dawn,
|o o\\ \:::::/ //o o| He was startled by a bright
\ \\ |:::::| // / and blinding light.
\ \\__/:::::\__// / And Jesus was there in the
\ .:.\ `':::'` /.:. / shimmering glare,
\':: |_ _| ::'/ smiling at that funny bunny's plight.
jgs `---` `"""""` `---`
Don't worry, little lad, and don't be so sad, .-"-.
for humankind will celebrate this special day. .'=^=^='.
You must bring the word to every beast and bird /=^=^=^=^=\
that I have risen and am in the world to stay. :^= HAPPY =^;
|^ EASTER! ^|
You should've seen that cottontail hop away, :^=^=^=^=^=^:
feeling mighty proud to be the chosen one. \=^=^=^=^=/
Though this story is quite old, it can now be retold `.=^=^=.'
to make little children smile on Easter morn. `~~~`
----------------------------------------------------------
>-->Easter SMILES
Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.
Q: Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs?
A: From Eggplants.
Q: Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?
A: She had to call an eggs-terminator!
, ,_
)\ \".
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/ / / /
| | / /
\ | / /
\|-""-//`
/ _ _ \
_| / \/ \ |_
/ `-\0||0/-' \
=\.: ,_()_ :./=
jgs `-._\II/_.-'
`""`
Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny!
Q: Why was the little girl sad after the race?
A: Because an egg beater!
Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Fry-days.
Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggercise
.-^-.
.'=^=^='.
/=^=^=^=^=\
.-~-. :^= HAPPY =^;
.'~~*~~'.|^ EASTER! ^|
/~~*~~~*~~\^=^=^=^=^=^:
:~*~~~*~~~*~;\.-*))`*-,/
|~~~*~~~*~~|/* ((* *'.
:~*~~~*~~~*| *)) * *\
\~~*~~~*~~| * ((* * /
`.~~*~~.' \ *)) * .'
jgs `~~~` '-.((*_.-'
Q: Why won't Easter eggs go out at night?
A: They don't want to get "beat up".
Q: Why couldnít the Easter egg family watch T.V.?
A: Because their cable was scrambled.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rabbits foot with poison ivy?
A: a rash of good luck.
Q: What do you call a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?
A: A smarty pants.
.-. .-.
/ \ / \
| _ \ / _ |
; | \ \ / / | ;
\ \ \ \_.._/ / / /
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'./ _ _ \.'
.' a __ a '.
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'-,.__/ _ .-. ;|_
/` `|| _/ `\/_ \_|| `\
| ||/ \-./` \ / || |
\ ||__/__|___|__|| /
\_ |_Happy Easter_| /
jgs .' \ = _= _ = _= /`\
/ `-;----=--;--' \
\ _.-' '. /
`""` `""`
Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
A: Hoppy Easter!
Q: How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
A: By hare mail!
Q: What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?
A: He cracked up.
Q: What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A: A receding hareline.
.--. /``'.
/wwww\ .---. |* * \
|-=-=|/ ^ ^ `;--. *|
\wwww/\^ ^ ^/~~~~\.' __
'--' '----| | .'-=\
jgs .'``\ \~~~~/ .-""-:=-=-=|
/ * | '--' /><><><>--'
'--' /~*~*~*\---'
\*~*~*~/
'----'
Q: What do you call a sleepy Easter egg?
A: Egg-zosted!
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
A: With a hare dryer!
Q: "Why are you studying your Easter candy?"
A: "I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken
or the chocolate egg!"
Q: What do you get when you find a rabbit with no hair?
A: A hairless hare!
Q: Why are people always tired in April?
A: Because they just finished a march
.=""=.
/ _ _ \
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| / \ | \ /
\/ \ / \/ '. .' /`.
'. .' `~~` , /\ `"`
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/|\ /|\
Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: He was a little chicken!
-<>-
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\ '::\ \ / /::' /
\ ':\ | | /:' /
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\-_~-_>~-_.=\ \() _ | \ \ \ \ | ()/="`
Knock - Knock!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like a chocolate bunny?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heidi.
Heidi who?
Heidi the eggs around the house.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police hurry up and decorate your eggs.
Knock, knock!.
Who's there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anyone find eggs yet.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Ivan.
Ivan who?
Ivan to give you a bunny hug.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Bunny.
Bunny who?
Bunny-th the basket is a surprise.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sherwood.
Sherwood who?
Sherwood like to have an Easter bonnet like yours.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Turner.
Turner who?
Turner round so I can see your bunny tail.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Harvey.
Harvey who?
Harvey good Easter everyone.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time to do the Bunny Hop.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Jimmy.
Jimmy who?
Jimmy some more candy.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Donna.
Donna who?
Donna want to decorate some eggs?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy Easter Bunny coming?
-<>-
.--. /``'.
/ \ .---. | \
| |/ `;--. |
\ /\ / \.'
'--' '----| | .'``\
jgs .'``\ \ / .-""-: |
/ | '--' / \ /
| / .-""-. /--'
'--' / \---'
\ /
'----'
>Jelly Bean Poem
Little jelly beans
Tell a story true.
A tale of Father's love
Just for me and you.
GREEN is for the waving palms.
YELLOW is for the sun above.
BROWN is for the soft earth where
People sat hearing of HIS love.
A SPECKLED bean for fish and sand.
RED for precious blood loss
and BlACK is for the sky above
as JESUS died on the cross
PURPLE's for the sadness of
HIS family and friends,
and is for the glory of the
Day JESUS rose again.
Now that you've heard the story
You know what each color means.
The story of our Father's love
Told by some jelly beans.
So every morning take a bean
They're really very yummy.
Something for the soul, you see
And something for the tummy.
-Author Unknown
=============================================================
_ .-"--._
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_/ __.-.__/ _ _ ___ ___ ___ _ _ ,
.-' .-' ||| | | |/ \| _ \| _ \| | | {|'--.
.-/ / |\\ | | | | _/| _/\ / {{\ \
{ | /_ / \| |_|_|\___/|_| |_| |_| {/`'--./=.
`-\ `\--;` ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ _`\.---' `\\
'-. | | | _|| _ |/ __\|_ _|| _|| _ \ / \ |\ ||
) / _/ | _|| |\__ \ | | | _|| / \_/ | |//
jgs / __.' '--. |___||_|_|\___/ |_| |___||_\_\ (_) \//_/|
( '--. ___))) //\__/
`-..____))) |/
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
>Company Policy
Dress Code - It is advised that you come to work dressed according to
your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci
bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need
a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to
be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days - We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.
Personal Days - Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation,
and input should be directed elsewhere.
-<>-
>Green Thumb
I don't have much of a green thumb, but I like to have a few plants in
my house.
One day when my mother was over to babysit the children, I remarked
that one of the plants in my window was looking poorly and asked if she
could try to fix it while I was gone.
When I returned, to my surprise, the plant looked beautiful and full.
"What did you do?" I asked.
Her reply: "I turned it around."
-<>-
>Lawyer and Witness
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked
him, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell
the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and
measured it. I knew some lawyer would ask me that question."
-<>-
>Vision
A mother of two teenage boys was constantly being asked to look for
things that they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were
directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it
happened yet again, one of her sons remarked: "It's not my fault, Mom.
I don't have parental vision."
-<>-
>Washing Machine Repair
The husband was constantly working on their defective washing machine,
and his language was often colorful. One day the daughter returned home
from a movie, and the parents asked if she had learned anything from it.
"Only a lot of four-letter words," she told them, "that until now I
always thought were parts of the washing machine."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
_____ _ _____ ____ /_ /,
| ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \>
| `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_
|_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$
;-''
pb
>Funnies
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,
they're dead."
-------
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the cop
said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
-------
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads low bridge ahead" Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
-------
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying
that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said,
"Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" answered the blonde. "They're watch
dogs!"
-------
Signs Found In Kitchens
1. Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!
2. Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
3. I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!
4. So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust!
5. Ring Bell for Maid Service...If no answer do it yourself!
6. I clean house every other day.... Today is the other day!
7. If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
8. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
11. COOK CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
13. If you don't like my standards of cooking...lower your standards.
14. You may touch the dust in this house...but please don't write in it!
-------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
-------
The Vet
After a long day of being called upon to visit an endless series of
horses and cows with sore legs, I finally returned to the animal clinic.
Although exhausted, when I discovered I had a slow leak in one of my
truck tires, I drove over to get it fixed at the service station.
The mechanic knew immediately he was dealing with a tired veterinarian
after I carefully explained to him that my truck seemed to be lame in
the right hind tire.
-------
One-liners
The plumber can't put in the bathroom fixtures until next month. That's
a shower stall if I've ever heard one.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
When it comes to telling her age, she's shy.....about ten years shy.
I didn't believe my wife when she said she had lost one of her
fingernails while making dessert. I guess the proof will be in the
pudding.
Several carnivorous animals were eating the carcass but the king of
beasts got the lion's share.
-------
Quirks of Life
I don't understand these complaints about the postal service. Time was,
you could put a two-cent stamp on a letter and mail it, and it would
arrive at its destination in two days. Now you put a thirty-seven-cent
stamp on a letter and it can take four to five weeks to arrive. Still
only a penny a day!
Quirks about Life You Notice By the Time You Are Fifty
..Most people deserve each other.
..All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.
..The one who snores will fall asleep first.
..The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of
money spent on the wedding.
..The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good as the gifts your
neighbor buys their spouse.
..If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next
time they are in need.
..The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when
you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
..Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when
the Dental Office will be closed.
---
...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>A Lesson from Bees
I was surprised when our friend Charlie joined our prayer group.
Charlie wasn't a joiner. So the next time I saw him I asked him about
it.
"Well," said Charlie, "I had problems and I was praying about them, but
I didn't seem to be getting anywhere. Then one day I read an article
about bees. When it gets too hot in a hive, a group of worker bees all
face in one direction, anchor themselves to the floor, and fan their
wings rapidly. One bee alone wouldn't make much of a difference, but a
lot of bees can produce an air current strong enough to draw fresh,
cool air into the hive and blow the stale air out.
"So, I said to myself,'If a group of bees working together can activate
a healing current that changes everything for the better, maybe a group
of people can do the same thing.'"
- Arthur Unknown
---
...Great Advice! Thanks Bunni!
Jesus Teaches us...
Matt.18:
[19] Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as
touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my
Father which is in heaven.
[20] For where two or three are gathered together in my name,
there am I in the midst of them.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
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/ _ |
#_/.\==/.\
(, \_/ \\_/
| -' |
,\ = / /|
.-'|`-. __.' / |
/ | `-.__.' .-\
/-. | | { _/
\_ } | | `|
| | | |
'. | | .'
jgs '-.| |.'
`"`
>Martha Raye
Some of you may be too young to remember her, but us old guys saw her
on film and on TV.... I never knew this...
It was well recognized that Martha Raye endured less comfort and more
danger than any other Vietnam entertainer.
Don't let the sun go down without reading this about Martha Raye.
The most unforgivable oversight of TV is that her shows were not taped.
I was unaware of her credentials or where she is buried.
Somehow I just can't see Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton, or Jessica
Simpson doing what this woman (and the other USO women, including Ann
Margaret & Joey Heatherton) did for our troops in past wars.
Most of the old time entertainers were made of a lot sterner stuff than
today's crop of activists bland whiners.
The following is from an Army Aviator who takes a trip down memory lane:
"It was just before Thanksgiving '67 and we were ferrying dead and
wounded from a large GRF west of Pleiku. We had run out of body bags
by noon, so the Hook (CH-47 CHINOOK) was pretty rough in the back.
All of a sudden, we heard a 'take-charge' woman's voice in the rear.
There was the singer and actress, Martha Raye, with a SF (Special
Forces) beret and jungle fatigues, with subdued markings, helping the
wounded into the Chinook, and carrying the dead aboard.
'Maggie' had been visiting her SF 'heroes' out 'west'.
We took off, short of fuel, and headed to the USAF hospital pad at
Pleiku.
As we all started unloading our sad pax's, a 'Smart Mouth' USAF
Captain said to Martha.... "Ms Ray, with all these dead and wounded to
process, there would not be time for your show!"
To all of our surprise, she pulled on her right collar and said
......"Captain, see this eagle? I am a full 'Bird' in the US Army
Reserve, and on this is a 'Caduceus'which means I am a Nurse, with a
surgical specialty....now, take me to your wounded!"
He said, "Yes ma'am.... follow me."
Several times at the Army Field Hospital in Pleiku, she would 'cover' a
surgical shift, giving a nurse a well-deserved break.
Martha is the only woman buried in the SF (Special Forces) cemetery at
Ft Bragg.
http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=pv&GRid=2334&PIpi=81207
Hand Salute! A great lady..
I did not know this about Martha Ray...
thought you might like to read it.
---
...Most Interesting! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
.a88a.
. a888888:..--.
\\\ 8888888:`\ \
\\\`Y888P' , \. \
=\\\_..' o/ . \ \
`c\`-' SO GOD MADE THE OzBAMA
God looked around and saw America needed to be punished,
so God made the OzBama
There was a need to hide the background of a presidential candidate,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a national media longing for a charming utopian socialist,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a great increase in gullible parasites who really wanted
to be dependent on a monster nanny gov-meant,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a cadre of Hollyweirds that needed a secularist idol to
worship,
so God made the OzBama.
There were single women for sale that preferred security over freedom,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a group of rich control freak socialists that needed a slick
smiling puppet,
so God made the OzBama.
There was group of voters that wanted a role model to mindlessly
worship,
so God made the OzBama.
There were arrogant academics lacking a real job but wanting their
utopianism implemented,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a shy Republican elite rejecting conservatism that needed a
lesson,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a need to forget the bold liar Clinton,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a national debt that needed to be doubled to buy votes,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a constitution and laws itching to be ignored,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a superb private healthcare system to be socialized,
so God made the OzBama.
There were millions of job losses to be excused,
so God made the OzBama.
There were thug nation leaders wanting to hoodwink America,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a need to replace accountability with demons,
so God made the OzBama.
There was a need to replace the nightmare of Jimmah Carter,
so God made the OzBama.
http://theconservativecrawfish.wordpress.com/
---
...Wow! Ya think they are a little Anti Obama? LOL! Thanks PatDeE!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
You can say a lot of things about Canadians, but you can't
say they're not tough. Look at Billy McNeely of the Northwest
Territories.
In April 2010, McNeely got into a fight after an arm wrestling
match and was stabbed five times. So far a pretty typical
Saturday night in Canada.
Doctors at the local accident and emergency room stitched him
up but never took an x-ray. Seeking subsequent treatment for
the lingering discomfort, he was told he had suffered nerve
damage.
But this week, McNeely was scratching his back when his
fingernail caught on something. His girlfriend took a look.
"I told Billy: 'There's a knife sticking out of your back.'
I was scared. I was ready to pull it out with tweezers."
Upon going to the hospital, doctors removed 3 inches of knife
blade from McNeely's back.
"I've done some jail time in the past," McNeely said. "The
guards rub over you with a metal wand detector, and every
time it hit my back... it went off."
McNeely is considering whether to file a lawsuit against the
local health department.
*-- AE pranks fans with spray-on jeans --*
PITTSBURGH - American Eagle Outfitters, based in
Pittsburgh, said a fake ad for spray-on skinny jeans was
a way of having "fun with our fans." Bob Holobinko, vice
president of brand marketing, said the company has been
pleased with the response to the YouTube video for the
fake "Skinny Skinny Jeans" product, KNBC-TV, Los Angeles,
reported Friday. The video, which depicts young people
wearing spray-painted jeans, had been viewed more than
420,000 times as of Friday afternoon. "We wanted to have
fun with our fans," Holobinko told NBC's "Today" show.
"And the response has been incredible."
*-- Penguins take liking to iPad cat game --*
LONG BEACH, Calif. - Officials at a California aquarium
said a couple of young penguins have taken a liking to a
mouse-chasing iPad app designed to amuse cats. The Aquarium
of the Pacific in Long Beach said penguins Jeremy and
Newsom, who are still too young to get caught up in the
excitement of the upcoming mating season, have found
"enrichment" with the free "Game for Cats" iPad app, ABC
News reported Friday. The game features a mouse running
around the screen that lets out a squeak when tapped by
a paw -- or in this case, a beak. "Newsom set the penguin
high score of 1,600 for the game," the aquarium said on
its website. A YouTube video of Newsom playing the game
has been viewed more than 167,000 times.
*-- Public employees told to bring own TP --*
WINDSOR, Mo. - A Missouri mayor said he was shocked when
a speaker at an aldermanic meeting revealed public works
employees had been told to bring toilet paper from home.
Windsor Mayor Justin Brown said he was shocked when Nancy
Dunbar spoke at last week's meeting and suggested a
fundraiser to stop the policy of requiring the city's 10
public works employees, who are all male, to bring their
own toilet paper to work, KCTV, Kansas City, Mo., reported.
"I was just really incredulous that this was a topic to be
brought up at a City Hall meeting, much less have any truth
to it," Brown said. "The No. 1 emotion is embarrassment.
We have a lot of good things going on in our little town,
and this is the topic." Dunbar said Brown wasn't the only
one shocked by the revelation. "The mayor was like, 'What
are you talking about?' Because the mayor had no idea. The
aldermen had no idea. I mean mouths just dropped," Dunbar
said. Dunbar said the policy came from an edict handed down
by city administrator Sandra Underwood. However, Underwood
said the order came from the head of Public Works and she
was not involved. Brown said toilet paper is now being
provided for the men. "We are always looking for ways
to save money," Brown said. "I'm just fearful that this
finally hit a fever pitch and this is where it got
ridiculous."
*-- Mom, 8-year-old son are crime fighters --*
CLEVELAND - A Cleveland woman and her 8-year-old son took
on a home invasion and won, by dunking the intruder's head
in a fish tank, among other actions. Jamila Sloan said the
suspect entered her home Saturday and "busted through my
kitchen door." "This is my house," she later told WOIO-TV.
"I was really in fear of my life, my son's life." Police
said she and son Chris Turner pushed the intruder into the
fish tank, and hitting him on the head. "I was choking him
and punching him and biting and scratching and doing every-
thing I could," she said. When the suspect pulled his mom's
hair, the son "got really, really mad," Chris said. "I
got mad and starting hitting him with a handle from my
scooter." Cleveland police arrested Talbert Glenn at the
scene, adding Glenn has a criminal record for drug and
weapons possession.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Johanna :)
.-""-._
/ ___/ \ _&_
_.--""|/ `\| // \\
.' ( ^/ ^ )'. / / \ \
/ | _ | \ // / \ \\
| _\____/ | /_/_/_\_\_\
| .' \____/-._ | .-"-.
| / `; /# \
| / / _|_.---\ | |
|.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-.
/ \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="}
/--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="}
/ \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-;
| /`| | \ | |||| ||
| /_ | |_______/ | |||| ||
| \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._||
| | | | || |>
|______| |____________|._ || _..-;|
| [___] | `||() ||
|______ |\/|____________|jgs|| ()
(__) \__/ (__) ()
>What I Know About Life
By Michael Josephson of Character Counts (787.3) The older I get the
less I know, but I know some things: I know that I'm a work in process
and that there will always be a gap between who I am and who I want to
be.
I know that I don't have to be sick to get better and that every day
brings opportunities to improve my life and my character. I know that
it's easier to talk about integrity than to live it, and that the true
test is my willingness to do the right thing even when it costs more
than I want to pay.
I know that character is more important than competence. I know that it
takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I know that I often judge myself by my best intentions and most noble
acts, but that I'll be judged by my last worst act. I know that I can't
control what will happen to me, but that I have a lot to say about what
happens in me.
I know that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. I know that
attitudes, both good and bad, are contagious. I know that winning is
more than coming in first and that there's no real victory without
honor.
I know that it takes a conscientious effort to be kind, but that
kindness changes lives.
I know that neither gratitude nor forgiveness comes naturally; both
often require acts of the will.
I know that real success is being significant. I know that happiness is
deeper and more enduring than either pleasure or fun and that I'm
generally as happy as I'm willing to be. I know that the surest road to
happiness is good relationships and that the best way to have good
relationships is to be a good person. This is Michael Josephson
reminding you that character counts.
---
...Great Advice! Thanks Johanna!
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
|
--====|====--
|
.-"""""-.
.'_________'.
/_/_|__|__|_\_\
;'-._ _.-';
,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------,
``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""``
jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"`
\\_// '._ _.' \\_//
`"` ``---`` `"`
>DC airport ticket agent.
A DC 'airport ticket agent' offers some examples of why the US is in so
much trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an
aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the
window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard
Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the
length of the flight and the passport information, and then he
interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
Cape Town is in Massachusetts ...'' Without trying to make him look
stupid, I calmly explained, '' Cape Cod is not in Massachusetts, Cape
Town is in South Africa ...'' His response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a
Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in
Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to
explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the
state. He replied, 'Don't lie to me! I looked on the map, and Florida
is a very THIN state!!'' (OM)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it
possible to see England from Canada ?'' I said, ''No.'' She said,
''But they look so close on the map'' (OM, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and
asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation
and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him
why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big
airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.''
(Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She
needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at
8:30 a.m. and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was
an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of
time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought
that. (Must be blonde.)
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do
airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose
luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' He replied,
''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my
luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it, (I was
dying laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno,
Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a
destination tag on his luggage.
8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a
trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked,
''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to
Hawaii ?''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright
from Ala. who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked
him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight
number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola, Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer
planes?'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter
plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. Mary Landrieu , La. Senator, called and had a question about the
documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy
discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.
"Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have
one of those.'' I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a
visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four
times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations,
''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .'' I was at a loss for
words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
''Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man. After some
searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every
airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The man
retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check
your map!'' So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally
offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?'' The reply? ''Whatever! I
knew it was a big animal.''
Now you know why the Government is in the shape it's in!
Could ANYONE be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.
---
...LMAO! Oh My! Thanks Geniann!
==============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
'
,---------------.
( So what seems `---.
\ to be your problem? )
,-----. `-v-----------------'
`T(_)(.) ----'
| ,--.| _____ o88b8o
>-`""'\ (_,-._) | "88P
__/ ("")__\______/(Q)\__(--. "|._________
(__) \____\ `---' | ' |'
|""| | |
`--' /`----'\
A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark
and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before
her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no
easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself
to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this
year."
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined
face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at
her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply had to know.
She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and
asked, "Will I get away with it?"
-<>-
While auditing one of our departments, an assistant asked
me what I was doing. "Listing your assets," I told her.
"Oh," she said. "Well, I have a good sense of humor and I
make great lasagna."
-<>-
A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a
faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the
menus.
Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many
of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger
the Select All command...
Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it?
Agent: Well, you just press Control-A.
Caller (after a pause): Well, that's not working for me.
Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you?
Caller: Yes, I sure do.
Agent: OK, now press Control-A.
Caller: I am, but nothing happens.
Agent: The text isn't highlighted?
Caller: No, there's no change at all.
Agent: That's odd. If you press Control-A the whole document
should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell
me exactly what's happening.
Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen. I'm
pressing Control, eh? And nothing's happening, eh?
-<>-
In the office where I work, there is a constant battle
between our technical-support director and customer-service
personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too
low.
The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his
position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the
temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers will
overheat."
Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my
shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah right. So how did they
keep the computers from overheating before there was air
conditioning?"
-<>-
A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits.
The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health
and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the
employee's pay.
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as
well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's
sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."
"I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job
with such benefits," the interviewer replied.
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company
went bankrupt."
-<>-
When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see
the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm
for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter
of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the
letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found
the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked
for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were
very satisfied."
-<>-
My wife cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is
driving what to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none,
the worst back seat driver in the world. I have long thought
this, though she would deny it. She claimed she seldom, if
ever made comments about my driving. I, of course, claimed
the opposite. Now I have proof.
The other day we were headed for the mall and my daughter
piped up, "Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how
to drive?"
-<>-
On vacation, a man and his wife check into a hotel. The
husband wants to have a snack at the restaurant, but his
wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their
room to rest.
She lies down on the bed... just then, a train passes by
very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's
thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once
more. But just a few minutes later a train again shakes the
room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the
manager who says he'll be right up.
The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is
true.
"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to
the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in. He takes one look at the
manager lying in bed with his wife and yells, "Hey! What
are you doing in here!?"
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting
for a train?"
-<>-
"For sale," read the ad in our hospital's weekly newsletter,
"sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 8, veil included. Worn
once, by mistake."
-<>-
When hiring new staff at the public library, I always ask
applicants what sort of supervision they'd be most com-
fortable with. One genius answered, "I've always thought
Superman's X-ray vision would be cool."
-<>-
My niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening
up right in her neighborhood. "How convenient," she said. "I
can walk to it!"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
________________________________________________
/\______________________________________________/`-.
____________________________________________< ##
\/______________________________________________\,-'
unknown
>Funny Letters Sent to Landlords:
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children
until it is clear.
I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired
and burnt my knob off.
This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from
the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away
from the wall.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the
kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three
pieces.
The person next door has a large erection in his back
garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk.
Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and
would like a third, so will you please send someone to do
something about it.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a
funny color and not fit to drink.
Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am
an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife
got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for
us.
When the workmen were here they put their tools in my
wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with
clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.
-<>-
@
)
(_m_\
\\" _.`~.
`(#'/.\)
.>' (_--,
_=/d . ^\
~~ \)-' '
/ | ptr
##'##'#after a:f##############
#################################
>Things You'll Never Hear In A Western Movie:
"I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a
twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"
"Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction,
let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive
solution."
"Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the
little boys room."
"Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular
dodecagon!"
"Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee,
nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on
the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"
"Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams
of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."
"You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie
to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."
"That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my
therapist!"
"He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had
a keen eye for interior decoration."
"Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"
"It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone,
women is from Dodge."
"HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left...
....Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"
-<>-
.----.
===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT...
// 6 6 \\ /
( 7 )
\ '--' /
\_ ._/
__) (__
/"`/`\`V/`\`\
/ \ `Y _/_ \
/ [DR]\_ |/ / /\
| ( \/ / / /
\ \ \ /
\ `-/` _.`
jgs `=. `=./
`"`
>THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY...
-Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
-Better save that. We'll need it for the auttopsy.
-Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
-Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
-Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff
before?
-There go the lights again...
-Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys.... and this guy's
got two of 'em.
-Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lenns!
-Could you stop that thing from beating? It''s throwing my
concentration off.
-What's this doing here?
-I hate it when they're missing stuff in herre.
-That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitcch?!
-Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
-Sterile, shcmerle. The floor's clean, rightt?
-What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex chaange?
-OK, now take a picture from this angle. Thiis is truly a
freak of nature.
-This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
-Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donaation card?
-Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
-What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!
-FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
-Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
-Isn't this the one with the really lousy innsurance?
-<>-
Did you swear the witness
in Ralf?
\ `,
___ #
|/ ?
Well, he Was swearing... | , )\
/ /__/\ \____ #####
,- / \_/ \ _/_ ####
/\,_\ |/| / < _____ _> \ [.[.]-=##
) "\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\- /_ )#
\ ___Y. _____'-'______|\/______________ |__ #
__)/ [_______________________________] \___/
/) \ | | .'\$/\`-.
/|| .| | _...._ | ( `.Y.' ( )
__;_||__|_______| ,-' ALT. '-_ |____|:__o___|_|_
[________________| / ASCII- \ |________________]
| | | _ _ART ____. | |
| Balif | | / / \| ||_)| | | |
| RALF | \\_\_/|_|| \|/ | |
____| | -_ ,- | |___
| | `-...,-' | |
| | | |
|_______________|_____________________________|_______________|
/ /
/ / /
/ Taken from original
/ / typing by b'ger
/ and David Palmer's art
>Bizarre Courtroom Testimony
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A: That is the only kind I know.
Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
Q: Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A: No.
=======================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Good Easter
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easter.html
How many were crucified with Jesus?
http://tinyurl.com/3w8ftsv
The Last Week of Jesus Christ's Life:
A look at Jesus' attitude during the last 7 days of his life
http://tinyurl.com/cmoccra
Christ's Life!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesuslife.html
For The Joy That Was Set Before Him
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/joy.html
Who Is This Jesus?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html
Pysanky Easter Eggs
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eastereggs.html
Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html
awesome Tree Houses!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
The best dog video ever !! Glenn Miller Routine - Hooked on Swing
If this isnít one of the best animal videos youíve ever watched, then
it has to be near the very top.
The love of these dogs for their master is incredible, if you donít
happen to like dogs, youíll love the music. Trust me!
Glenn Miller Routine - Hooked on Swing - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18F_sIaimGM&feature=youtu.be
---
...Awww! Brings Tears! Missing my Frisky! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend louiseA :)
She sent us one we have here...
Whale Rescue 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html
---
...So Heartwarming! Thanks LouiseA!
These horses were originally bred as "war horses" in the days of
knights and armor.
As armor got heavier, bigger horses were needed and the Friesian almost
became extinct.
They are back and are one of the most beautiful horses in stature as
well as gait.
What gorgeous animals!!
Just watching them becomes an emotional experience.
Can you imagine what it would be like to ride one?
Their manes and tails are the longest that I have seen and I noticed
that when performing on grass, their hoofs do not kick up a divot, as
they land flat footed.
Creatures such as these are what makes this world so special.
These horses are native to the Netherlands.
Have your audio on.
Poetry In Motion! The KFPS Royal Friesian Horse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5XJbSqwriM&feature=player_embedded
---
...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA!
Seal Pup Slip n' Slide (surfboard remote camera)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyYlYuaj_zU&feature=player_detailpage
---
...LOL! So Adorable! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Brenda :)
YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS AMAZING BIRD, YOU'LL LOVE HER!
http://www.youtube.com/embed/nbrTOcUnjNY
---
...TeeHee! So Sweet! Thanks Brenda!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll
take down my Christmas lights." -David Letterman
"A man in Oregon said his snow globes started a fire after
he left them in the sun for too long. Fortunately, his
wife wasn't injured because she left him when he started
collecting snow globes." -Jimmy Fallon
"George Clooney was arrested. He was charged with reckless
handsomeness." -Dave Letterman
"In the 1970s vampires were pretty boring. The scariest
vampire was Count Chocula. One bite of Count Chocula and
you were cursed with Type 2 diabetes." -Craig Ferguson
"Spring break is the week where college students get a much-
needed break from binge drinking in Nebraska and go to binge
drink in Florida." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Police across the country say there's been a spike in
criminals stealing Tide laundry detergent. So I guess all
those commercials that say it cleans blood stains are
really paying off." -Jay Leno
"A new report found that 20 percent of people over 45 had
to dip into their retirement savings last year. And the
other 80 percent said, 'retirement savings?'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
- Victor Borge
"Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy?
I don't know and I don't care."
- William Safire
"The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right
too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us
to rely on it."
- Patrick Young
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
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Home Recipes
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