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All posts for the month January, 2017

I’m a broken shattered messAnd no one seems to hear my criesThis truth is so hard to confessBut I just wasn’t ready for those goodbyesI beat my fists into the wallAnd silently scream into the darkWith bloodied hands clenched into a ballMy gear shift’s stuck in parkI can’t move past thisCan’t move beyond thisCan’t push through thisCan’t climb over thisI want to reach out and kill this feelingStrangle it so it never touches me againAs it writhes inside of me all-consumingI just try to slowly count to tenBut nothing inside is working nowThis machine’s frozen and melted all at onceThere no good soil here left to plowI’m nothing more than empty-hearted dunceDon’t you hear me screaming?Don’t you feel me aching?Don’t you see me hurting?Don’t you know I’m dying?This loss is the final act of the playThere’s no turning it around this timeAnd yet there’s so much more I want to sayBut I don’t deserve a word after my crimeIt’s you I wanted but could not haveThough I reached much more than I shouldI strayed so far off the righteous pathAnd tried to do wrong because I couldI saw you neglectedI saw you dejectedI saw you affectedI saw you rejectedI just wanted to save you from your lifeTo show you that I careTake you from your internal strifeBut this life is never fairIt’s not my place to do such thingsOr speak to you in that wayThis hope, life’s messenger never bringsFor instead I’m meant to just “pray”

Forgive me, my bitter and resentful toneAs I watch my joy depart from meAs I take my dark, angered throneThis thing is plain to seeFate has awokenFate has spokenFate is chokin’Fate is brokenI do not even believe in fateBut it seems there must be a curse of sortsThat threw upon my shoulders this great weightAnd caused these sad reportsIf only I could undo these last daysAnd erase all your painInstead I just walk around in a dazeWith little or nothing to gainSearching for a way outI hit the hardest of brick wallsNothing can eliminate this doubtWe’ve been set up for so many fallsThere’s no more EdenNo more cohesionNo more freedomNo more reasonI hold your hand and feel you let goAs your fingers slip out of mineSeeing in your eyes that love light glowThat simply has to fade in timeThis was a love that could never beAnd so I must tear out my own heartSo that you could finally and truly beFree without me holding onto a partI’m angry at this hardnessThat has taken o’er my soulThis resentful coldnessThat’s turned my heart to coalI hate this churningI hate this burningI hate this yearningI hate this turningWhy couldn’t things just go onIn peace and joy as they wereInstead you must be forever goneAs all this fades into the past, a blurBut as I have always knownThis is what it must indeed beThough you were bone of my boneI must leave you to be freeSo I return to my discombobulated messShattered and torn I bleed insideWith a glimmer of hope starting to bring redressAnd life with every tear I’ve criedMay we once again be wiseAnd look to Christ in His eyesTaking hold of our PrizeWe can finally riseFor you.For me.For Him.