MREs or Meals Ready to Eat come in all sorts of styles and some, especially if eaten warm, are not all that bad tasting. On the other hand there are certain MRE options that should not be categorized as food, they are so bad I would not feed it to my neighbor’s garbage digging dog.

There are a few downside effects associated with the consumption of MREs, for starter once you have been on this lovely diet for a few days everything begins to taste the same. And don’t get me started on the constipation an MRE diet brings on and I am talking about a full fledged clogging that will go on for days.

Here are a few choice MRE options available to you and their flavors as told by a military man himself:

Veggie Burger Accompanied by Barbecue Sauce

A vegetarian diet is not that popular in the military and including this option is questionable in itself. You will be glad to know that the veggie burger tastes nothing like vegetables as a matter of fact it has a taste one could only associate with misery and gloom. I think if your try real hard the taste of stale green beans is subtly there.

Dairy Shake Powders

For some bizarre reason these are popular and in high demand by the men in the field who have been known for their aggressive bartering of this prized food option, the reason anyone would want a pouch of ingestible sawdust is beyond me. Once you mix the flavor of your choice with water the end result is a chalky mixture which bears absolutely no resemblance to your greatly missed milkshakes.

Jalapeño Cheese Spread

This is an all time MRE favorite, it actually tastes pretty decent when spread on the vessel of your choice. That being said, the damage caused to your body by this nacho tasting choice is undeniable and this is definitely not “cheese” but the taste in comparison with other options is awesome.

Veggie Omelette

This is well known in military circles as the absolute worst main course in the history of MREs. The taste is like a dirty bar with the consistency of an ancient power bar. This is combined with the most nasty potato mixture on the planet and called a breakfast of champions. Said no champion ever.

Charms Candy

Charms candies deserve a spot here due to the superstition the precedes them. To a member of the military these are seen as bad luck, something you should not consume or keep. The bizarre thing here is they are still issued to you as if you are being tested.

Mac and Chili

Mac and chili is definitely on the good spectrum of the MRE main courses out there. This is one of the rare MREs that can be eaten and not taste that bad even when cold. Oddly enough and unlike most other MREs that immediately stop the food mid digestion process, mac and chili does the opposite clearing out anything that may be in its way. You may want to chart a path to your bathroom site before you begin enjoying this delicacy, you may not have time later.

Heating Pack

Unfortunately MRE travesties do not belong solely to the food category and may sound crazy but the heating pads cause devastating tastes and insult your integrity. The instructions it contains will crack you up (pay close attention to the blunt “ROCK OR SOMETHING” sketch).

Needles to say if any non food items such as a chemical heating pad are accompanied by NOT MEANT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION warnings this is only an indication to the horridness of the food, it is so substandard we have to be told what package is apt for human consumption and what is not.

On another hand there is a number of MREs available on civilian market. Meal Kit Supply products are one of them but in my honest opinion is the same as above mentioned military MRE. Surprisingly not all of them are so bad. I had a chance to taste XMRE product 1300XT and I have to say it does taste as proper homemade meal.