Forget palmistry,
everything you need to know about your man is written on his cock. Tell your
friends and lovers to whip íem out, then let them sit back and prepare
to be amazed. Lingam gnosis is here and it beats the crap out of reading
tea-leaves.

By Yoni Passionata

About Lingam
Gnosis
Lingam gnosis is based on the belief that all penises fall into one of four
broad essential categories, or types fire, air, earth and water. Most commonly, however, penises are a combination of
two or more of these types.

The Earth Penis
Earth penises are relatively easy to identify as they resemble tuberous
vegetables yams, potatoes, turnips etc. Those thick, starchy roots that grow
best when buried deep in dark, damp soil. Earth penises are generally large,
often irregularly shaped, and darkly pigmented. The testicles that accompany
the earth penis are likely to be large, hairy and pendulous. The earth penis is
homely and supremely functional, it likes to plant and plow, and itís
likely to belong to the top in any relationship. Earth penises typically
correspond with meat and potatoes sexual tastes. If your man has an earth penis
don't expect anything too outragous. He might like it rough, but he'll always
keep it simple-like himself. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, if he's carrying
one of these brutes in his Calvins, chances are he aint too bright.

The Air Penis
Air penises are generally long, slim and pale, with neat, globular, lightly
pigmented testicles, carried high and tight. The most aesthetically pleasing of
the types, the air penis is an artistic penis, and their owners are often
artistic. It is common for an air penis to have a bend or a dip in its length,
and just as this penis is often not quite straight, the owner of an air type
penis is the most likely of all the types to have bisexual tendencies. If your
lover has an air penis, commitment could be an issue air penises are
notoriously unfaithful and fickle. However, once captured, air penis types make
the most intelligent and imaginative sexual partners.

The Fire Penis
Fire is the most masculine of the elements, and a fire penis always correlates
with an aggressive, assertive, controlling nature. A typical fire penis is
thick, straight, symmetrical and smooth, though not especially long. The
defining characteristic of the fire penis, however, is its color bright red,
through to an intense hot pink. Men with a fire penis in their pants have a
burning sexuality and charisma to burn, too. There are always plenty of moths
dying to dance around this flame! But before you singe your wings, remember:
sex with the owner of a fire penis can be hot as hell, but life with one is
usually just plain hell, so if your intended unzips one of these crimson
lollipops, zip it up quick and move on.

The Water Penis
Water is the most feminine of the elements, and, accordingly, water type
penises are often small, soft and feminine in appearance. Owners of water
penises are generally nurturers in their relationships; they will cook, clean,
iron and give it up with an almost touching if it wasnít so fucking
irritating sense of duty. Occasionally, this taking on of the motherly role can
lead them to assume the balance of power within a relationship for the other
partner this is both claustrophobic and scary, particularly when they find
themselves fucking them and enjoying it! Water penis owners are often very
highly sexed organisms, especially when alcohol is added. For a water penis, a
couple of GTs is a never-fail legs-opener.