“This reminds me of a favorite CS Lewis Quote: ‘Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.'”

I love and believe this. What great imagery. We’re building a cottage, yet He knows we deserve a palace instead. I can totally see this, can’t you?

God does know our potential. He knows what we need. And He wants to bless us beyond anything that we could ever imagine. But we’ve got to talk to Him. And read His instruction. I mean, He’s clearly provided a way or means for us to navigate this life. But are we utilizing those resources?

What to Do

It’s been said, if you want to talk to God, pray, then listen. And if you want God to talk to you, read His scriptures, His words, then listen.

“Dependence on God can fade quickly when prayers are answered. And when the trouble lessens, so do the prayers,” said church leader Henry B. Eyring (2001, para. 7). Eyring tells us that we can’t just pray when times are tough. We need to pour out our hearts to Him always. And not just fast food prayers, but sincere and genuine ones’. And however long that prayer takes. “When God has commanded us to pray, He has used words like “pray unceasingly” and “pray always” and “mighty prayer,” says Eyring. He also believes we need to accept whatever comes. However God answers us. Even and especially if it is not what we prayed for.

(LDS.org, 2016)

Like the breast cancer diagnosis I received.

Or when I have been cheated on.

Or the brain tumor I had taken out last summer.

All these things, and others, have made me into who I am today. They are part of my customized curriculum.

And I am grateful for them even if they sometimes caused pain and anguish.

Yours might include the death of a loved one.

Loss of employment.

Divorce.

An addiction such as pornography.

A disease.

Financial loss.

But our trials can help create that palace C.S. Lewis alludes to.

So, too, can reading God’s words. Take, for instance, Proverbs 3:5-6:

5 ¶ Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

What great counsel. Since we are spiritual beings, we need to talk to God, read His scriptures, and listen to know how best to get through this life. Yet, human beings, rather, “lean … unto thine own understanding.” Unfortunately, the latter can be a recipe for disaster.

It’s been said that every problem in life can be answered through the scriptures. I believe this. It has been true for me especially when I have been feasting opposed to having a baby toe in them.

(Holman, 2013)

“Obedience brings success; exact obedience brings miracles,” said another church leader, Russell M. Nelson (2013, para. 16). I don’t know about you, but blessings and miracles sound pretty good to me over any earthly or worldly thing. Yet, we have to earn them. They take work, action, plus faith.

(Farmington UT West Stake, 2016)

All this He wants to give us. We’ve just got to take time to not only get to know Him, but become like Him. Dr. Kristin M. Oaks (2011) agrees, “Our responsibility is to become the best disciples of Christ we can become” (para. 11). Similarly, President Thomas S.

(Oaks, 2011)

Monson, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, counsels:

I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives. (2016, para. 6).

“Happy people make the world a better place,” “Happy” documentary director, Roko Belic, told an audience in Great Hall located in the Hunter Conference Center, at Southern Utah University in Cedar City, Utah, Thursday. He found a common denominator among them. “They have good relationships.”

(The Filmmakers, 2011)

Belic traveled the world for 6-years in search of stories of what makes people happy. He found it in a U.S. woman who had been run over by a truck, from a humble rickshaw driver in India, in a volunteer who gave up wealth to serve those dying in a Mother Theresa home, also in India, and in elderly Okinawan women loving young children as though they were their own. These and other stories make-up the 2011 documentary, “Happy” which has won countless best documentary awards from film festivals around the world (Happy Movie, 2011).

Keys to Being Happy

“To be happy, you need to love,” was the overarching theme Belic found among those he interviewed.

He also shared what makes him happy. Travel was one thing. Belic encouraged every one present to travel and talked about the incredible learning that takes place when you do. He even told one student, who said she was going to live in Bali for a month and was a little scared, that he would connect her with his “Happy” co-producer who now lives there.

Belic also believes that “[being] a good friend” was another thing people can do to make themselves happy.” Adding, “An act of kindness to someone will improve your happiness,” even if you wrote a letter to them, but never sent it.

He also spoke about how materialism and money do not make a person happy. He alluded to some of his friends who have a lot of money, but are not happy. Belic said he is very grateful for what he has, but that some of his best experiences were when he had little and not knowing where things were going to come from. Similarly, Zappos CEO, Tony Hsieh, in his book, Delivering Happiness, shares the same sentiment, “Money alone isn’t enough to bring happiness . . . happiness [is] when you’re actually truly ok with losing everything you have.”

(New York Post, 2017)

Yet, Belic believes if you treat people right, you will be alright.

(Positivity, 2000)

(Positivity, 2009)

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a positive psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, and one who was on the forefront of the positive psychology movement, of which Belic referred to, prefers the term “positivity” over happiness which she defines as:

[a] whole range of positive emotions–from appreciation to love, from amusement to joy, from hope to gratitude, and then some. The term is purposefully broad. It includes the positive meanings and optimistic attitudes that trigger positive emotions as well as the open minds, tender hearts, relaxed limbs, and soft faces they usher in. It even includes long-term impact that positive emotions have on your character, relationships, communities, and environment. (p. 6)

Belic also spoke about “the power of the individual voice” and how “a little gesture can change [someone’s] experience” even as Mother Teresa taught, “your job is to show these dying people that they are loved.”

But before Belic spoke this day, I witnessed a humble servant in him when he immediately stood-up and gave his seat to an incoming school child who arrived late to hear him speak. Likewise, after his presentation, he spoke to many outside of Great Hall. I was one of those. As I waited, I noticed that he was a genuine listener, even remembering names. That he sincerely wanted to know who he was speaking to. He asked questions, and made his email accessible just like Hsieh does during his presentations.

Point blank, Belic is happy. It was quite evident. Even up until the end of his presentation, I noticed those present were fixated and engaged on this unusually confident individual who had shared with us countless lessons on love and its correlation to happiness.

“You sure you want to work for her?” a senior administrator asked me point-blank. “She is an absolute jerk. She’s come into my office, this office right here, screaming and demanding things.” Similarly, another senior leader told me, “I’m fond of you and she’s not someone I would recommend you working under. I’m worried for and I’m warning you.”

But I went anyway.

And they were somewhat right.

But the thing is, we sometimes have to find out for ourselves.

Later, once in that work environment, people would ask me in passing, by phone and email, “What’s it like working for so-and-so?”

Or, “How can you stand her?”

And even, “You okay?”

That leader fired people when they messed up. Course, when you know someone’s looking for your mistakes or focusing on them, and sometimes sets you up for failure, you tend to mess up more.

You also got fired if she didn’t like you. And she went to great extents to ruin your reputation, credibility and career. Once fired, and not under her micromanagement umbrella anymore, she still worked to sabotage any of your future success.

Funny thing was, she made mistakes all the time. Yet, it was okay. It was a classic, “Do as I say, not as I do” culture.

And when a “high pollutant” person (to her) came into our department, she did the whole Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde dance. You know, where she became someone we did not recognize. Trust me, the special treatment was envied yet, stomach-upsetting.

Shouldn’t, though, we all be treated with the same respect regardless of our position, last name, salary, popularity, history, status, or connections?

(Brushfield, 2014)

Eventually, no one in our department felt their job tenure was safe or wanted to be at work. And everyone I knew was looking for another job while they became a “yes” man and played “the game.”

And creativity and productivity?

Forget that. It was non-existent.

But let’s get to how I survived.

(Somewhere Creative, n.d.)

I worked to focus on what was working. What she was doing right because everyone does things right. And her potential because everyone has potential. And told her. Over and over and over again. Even while she reminded me and others of what we did wrong and held grudges. Yet, “anger and blame are unproductive emotions that tie up energy in destroying rather than creating” (Kanter, 2013).

I also worked to love her (i.e., professionally and Christlike so).

And forgave her. Which is something that was not reciprocated.

“Leaders must be firm and foster accountability, but they also must know when to forgive past wrongs in the service of building a brighter future” said Kantor (2013) in her Forbes piece, “Great Leaders Need to Know When to Forgive” (para. 1). She explained “Instead of settling scores, great leaders make gestures of reconciliation that heal wounds and get on with business” (para. 2). Even Indian civil rights leader Mahatma Gandhi believed, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong” (Santa Barbara.com, n.d.).

(Santa Barbara.com, n.d.)

To date, although it once appeared we were enemies, we are now friends.

I believe people are placed in our lives to teach us, and perhaps, them too. I do not believe it is by coincidence, but divine placement.

The real questions, though, are what will you do with the folks’ and circumstances placed before you? Will you murmur or will you make and do good with them?

So the next time someone warns you not to work for someone, do think and pray about it.

Yet, keep in mind that it could be just what you need. After all, explained church leader Monte Brough (2016), when quoting the Apostle Paul, “… tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope … ” (para. 11).

Visiting the St. George Utah Temple Visitors Center one spring a few years back, while inside the building, I asked an older-looking man, who was in a wheelchair, yet beaming with confidence and enthusiasm, “Why are you so happy?”

“Why wouldn’t I be happy?!” he said immediately and forcefully and at the top of his lungs, yet smiled, “I am a son of God!”

You could hear a pin drop.

“Whoa,” I thought. And so did my husband, Ryan, and all the others who heard his response.

Yet, I said something like, “That is great. That is awesome. Good for you.”

Who is this man? I wondered.

And is he like this all the time?

Bound to a wheel chair, but happy?

My exchange with him was the answer to prayer I needed that day. I had a particularly stressful job and was feeling the pressure of it. Not to mention my pancreas was being checked once more for nodules.

But I couldn’t shake this man’s response out-of-my-head.

What was his daily routine?

What did he ingest to be so happy?

And then I realized it.

He was spiritually nourished.

It was evident.

You could see and feel it in his countenance.

I actually did not want to leave his presence.

There was something just heavenly about him.

And it brought me joy.

Spiritual Nourishment

We cannot survive very long without food or water.

Sometimes we get cranky and irritable when we do.

Even death when completely without.

I believe, though, that these things can happen even when we aren’t spiritually nourished as well.

Truth is, we can’t make it without feeding ourselves spiritually.

But many of us still try to.

And maybe not even intentionally.

You know, we get busy with our to do lists, family, shuttling kids to activities, work, church, civic engagements, sports, social media, hobbies, games, and so-on-and-so-forth.

Yet, we were born spiritual-beings.

Into a human world.

Many have even quoted about it.

Like American businessman and educator, Dr. Stephen R. Covey, and French philosopher and priest, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.

In fact, Teilahard de Chardin believed, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience” (Quote-coyote, n.d. ).

(Quote-coyote, n.d.)

Covey, similarly, found, “We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey” (People. Stephen R. Covey, n.d.).

(People. Stephen R. Covey, n.d.)

So if we are spiritual beings, then why do we act human a lot of the time?

You know, where we put worldly things first?

Everything but God.

Because that is what we were born into.

The human world.

Yet, that is not where we came from.

We came from divine.

We were once with our Father in Heaven.

There He had great plans for us.

Knew our potential.

And what we could become.

Then we were born into this world and forgot where we came from and our purpose.

Sometime I ask God, “Why do you want me to do for you?” and “What is your mission for me?”

The answers lie in the scriptures He supplied for us to navigate this human life.

And in the opportunity to pour out our hearts to him in prayer.

Can’t leave out the trials that humble and teach us to become more like Him.

And to be grateful for them as He is molding and shaping us to become like Him.

They’re the refinement we need even though they sometimes hurt.

Throw service in that mix that helps us to love others and take the focus off ourselves.

Doing these simple steps everyday can help us become spiritual-beings like my friend from the temple visitors center.

Do them until you are asked, “Why are you so happy?”

And you can honestly say, “I am a son (or daughter) of God. That’s why I’m so happy.”

In McClain’s class, when a student had an idea that was off topic, he would say, “Okay, okay, that’s good thinking. Keep at it.” Whereas a letter-of-the law or fear-based professor would say, “What the H-E double hockey sticks was that?”

Dr. Jonathan Herman, a long island OB-GYN, is, like McClain, a spirit-of-the-law leader. In fact, one thing he taught me is to use “we.” For example, when a patient visits his practice and is having a difficult time, after having tested positive for a hereditary breast and ovarian cancer mutation (HBOC), he would say, “We are going to get through this” as though he tested positive for a mutation himself. On the other hand, a letter-of-the-law or fear-based practitioner would say, “First, you’ll need to have your breasts cut off, then your ovaries cut out” (I’m not making this stuff up. I’ve spoken around the nation on HBOC since 2008, been in and out of a myriad of doctors offices, and, unfortunately, have heard these horror story comments).

One more spirit-of-the-law leader is Darrin Shamo, former director of direct and online marketing at Zappos. Shamo told me about a time when Zappos was moving to the old city county building in Las Vegas, while it was being renovated for them to eventually move into. At this time, some of his staff was being housed in a nearby rental office. But on the way walking to and from work, from an outdoor parking deck, his employees were being harassed by people on the street. So, Shamo, wanting to ensure his folks were meeting Abraham Maslow’s second rung of “safety”, from his hierarchy of needs, was able to provide underground parking and lunch delivered to them on-site.

(E-commerce Brasil, 2013)

Who are these people?

You know some of them.

In fact, you could be one of them.

All I know is that hope-based communication creates hope-based leaders who create hope-based cultures.

Your name is safe with them.

They’re going to listen.

Give you the benefit of the doubt.

Assume the best.

Believe in, support and empower you.

The truth is, becoming a spirit-of-the-law leader is possible.

But first you gotta get rid of those letter-of-the-law idiosyncracies. Here are just some you might recognize:

Entitlement

Ego

Throwing people under the boss

Selfish

Setting people up for failure

Disloyal to the absent and present

Criticizing

Taking credit

Rigid

Unforgiving

Disrespectful

Negative

My way or the highway attitude

Bullying

Catastrophizing

Impatient

Having favorites

Judging

Seeing the glass half-empty

I don’t believe McClain, Herman or Shamo were ever letter-of-the-law or fear-based leaders.

But even if they were, then there is certainly hope for you and I.

To become a spirit-of-the-law or hope-based leader.

Where people want to be around you.

Or work for you.

Or both.

Where people have fun in your culture.

Because they know their name is safe with you.

And they can’t wait to get into work (yup, there are actually cultures like this).

And you care so much about your people that they will bust through a brick wall for you.

Because you believe in, support and empower them.

And listen.

And care and are present.

Even in an ER, or a doctor’s office or in any office.

Whatever it takes.

Do it.

Become it.

And while you do, remember everyone’s your favorite, to use “we” and if you can swing it, provide underground parking and lunch.

According to church leader Neal A. Maxwell (1974), God has created a customized curriculum for each one of us. He does this:

…in order to teach us the things we most need to know. He will set before us in life what we need, not always what we like (para. 2). The future “you” is before him now. He knows what it is he wishes to bring to pass in your life. He knows the kind of remodeling in your life and in mine that he wishes to achieve. (para. 3)

This includes happy, joyful, celebratory people, times and situations.

Yet, it may also include sorrow, tragedy, sadness, heartbreak, illness, sickness, and death.

The key is, embracing and loving your customized curriculum.

Regardless of what it is.

Mine, for instance, to name a few of the heavy-hitters, has included breast cancer, divorces, radiation-induced heart disease, and a benign brain tumor.

Because, while living in Japan, some years back, a brave soul opened his mouth and introduced me to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

(FHE: The Book of Mormon, 2017)

In fact, I was baptized into this church while living there only to learn I had breast cancer two days later. More was found three days later.

But how awesome that a loving Heavenly Father, knowing that cancer was in my customized curriculum, provided a gospel to help me through it and what other trials were to come.

(Family Photo)

Back then, though, I didn’t know I had a customized curriculum let alone fully understood what the gospel meant.

And I don’t fully now either. But I’m on my way.

And I’m excited about it.

That if I do my part. He will do His.

And not necessarily in the way I desire.

But in the way He knows best for me.

Prayer

I also learned more about prayer. That it is, when I talk to Him. When I sincerely pour out my heart to Him and not just offer mere repetitious prayers.

And that when I want to know what He intends for me, I take time to listen after my prayers.

Oh, He answers alright, but it may not be what I asked for or how I intended.

Maxwell explains:

We may at times, if we are not careful, try to pray away pain or what seems like an impending tragedy, but which is, in reality, an opportunity. We must do as Jesus did in that respect—also preface our prayers by saying, “If it be possible,” let the trial pass from us—by saying, “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt,” and bowing in a sense of serenity to our Father in heaven’s wisdom, because at times God will not be able to let us pass by a trial or a challenge. If we were allowed to bypass certain trials, everything that had gone on up to that moment in our lives would be wiped out. It is because he loves us that at times he will not intercede as we may wish him to. (para. 6).

Adds Wilcox (2010), “Let us continue to pray for the removal of our thorns, but if our prayer seems unheeded, may we hear the whisper of the Lord, ‘Peace, child, I am at work’” (p. 13).

Additionally, I learned that answers to prayer come in His timetable, not mine.

After all, He knows what I need better than I.

For example, my asking to be healthy, but getting a cancer diagnosis. Looking back, although I was a train wreck when I first heard my diagnosis; today, so much good, blessings and miracles have come out of it.

“Given time, the Lord can extract the most good out of the most unfortunate of circumstances. Our love of God is more than matched by his love for us. That is why he will not allow negatives to remain negative. He will find a way to change the dynamics of our trials and turn them to blessings” (Wilcox, 2010, p. 8).

For instance, when I had my brain tumor removed last June, it was one of the most spiritual experiences for my husband and I. It actually was one of the best experiences in my life. Through earlier trials, He schooled me to embrace and love my brain tumor to further refine, teach and humble me.

(Family Photo of Brain MRI images before and after craniotomy)

(Family Photo)

(Family Photo)

(Family Photo)

(Family Photo)

Maxwell explains:

we must pray, therefore, not that things be taken from us, but that God’s will be accomplished through us. What, therefore, may seem now to be mere unconnected pieces of tile will someday, when we look back, take form and pattern, and we will realize that God was making a mosaic (para. 13).

Wilcox (2010) agrees: “It is in the crucible of adversity that the gold of godliness is refined, molded, and shaped to perfection” (p. 9).

Scriptures

God has also provided instruction for us.

Through scripture.

(History of LDS Scriptures, 2016)

Wilcox (2011) even refers to them as letters from God.

So He didn’t just bring me (and you) here to navigate this life without instruction.

The frustrating thing for Him, I am sure, is that often we don’t pray to Him unless there is a crisis. The same with reading His books of instruction.

Instead, we rely on the arm of flesh –our own and others thinking– and not the arm of God.

Yet, believes Wilcox (2010), “Learning is one of the best ways to cope with adversity” (p. 128).

I know when I have been most happy and at peace, is when I pray and read the scriptures daily.

When I have hope and faith.

And not doubt and fear.

How grateful I am for a Heavenly Father that provides a customized curriculum for each one of us that refines, molds and shapes us to become more like Him so that He can use us as one of His tools to help build up His kingdom of God.

Praying for Trials

Some time ago I lived in a small town in rural Southern, Utah. There, people actually prayed for trials.

They knew that they were a means to become like God.

I’m not quite sure I am there yet with praying for trials, but when they come, today I embrace them and ask Him, “What do you want me to learn from this?” and “What do you want me to do with it?”

Meet Cynthia

Happy Awesome Day! I hope you are excellent. I am excited to meet you! Let's learn together. For more information on me Click Here Feel free to check-out my hope-based site. If you have a hope-based story, let me know, and I'll write one about YOU! Chat soon. In the meantime, keep doing great things! ;)

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