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Rain Partier

Reference is great when a writer wants to put in specific details. I also like when a writer lets the artist envision what he wants. It's kind of a fine line we walk. There can be too much of either way. But dont stop! Reference is a good thing!

This economy sux. Maybe I'll make it to NY in 2011.

Definitely always next year!

Also, when I write scripts, I love seeing what some of the artists can come up with. A lot of times it really does add great things, just as long as what I ask for is overall generally depicted. I think one a panel is generally short and vague, it leaves an open spot for the artist to have some sorta leeway. Many times I do have panels where I describe a specific thing I want then tell them to have fun with the rest of the stuff in the panel.

Rain Partier

Reference is great when a writer wants to put in specific details. I also like when a writer lets the artist envision what he wants. It's kind of a fine line we walk. There can be too much of either way. But dont stop! Reference is a good thing!

This economy sux. Maybe I'll make it to NY in 2011.

Definitely always next year!

Also, when I write scripts, I love seeing what some of the artists can come up with. A lot of times it really does add great things, just as long as what I ask for is overall generally depicted. I think one a panel is generally short and vague, it leaves an open spot for the artist to have some sorta leeway. Many times I do have panels where I describe a specific thing I want then tell them to have fun with the rest of the stuff in the panel.

Rain Partier

Panel One: We open up to an overhead view of Jeremy Tableau, our young black handsome protagonist of early 20s, on his bed looking at his former lover, Terry. His room is neatly kept with a large amount of books on one side of the room and a TV set with movies across the bed. There are also a lot of different types of artifacts, such as African masks on the wall, statues and art pieces from different cultures. His walls are black and white, the color side-by-side from each wall. One wall is white, the next is black, and so on. No need to go out of the way to showcase all of this. The bed/bed sheets should be black and white also. On the left side of the bed a few feet away is a sofa chair. Be sure to depict this when you can along with a window to the right of the room. On the floors should be three different types of veves. Veves are symbols of Vodou loas that a person is trying to pray/contact. One is the veve of Erzulie Freda (http://www.voodooveve.com/images/veves/ ... _freda.jpg) which is surrounded by pink and blue candles, a plate of sweet cakes, jewelry, bottles of champagne, and pink roses; Erzulie Danto (http://www4.uwm.edu/letsci/africology/f ... fffdea.gif) which is surrounded by red and black candles, rum bottles, a plate of season fried pork and a dead black pig; La Sirene (http://www.sosyetedumarche.com/assets/i ... n_veve.png) which is surrounded by aqua blue and white candles, a mirror, comb, a plate of melons and white cakes trimmed in blue. All the vevers are all drawn with corn flour and all the candles are lit. Also specifically place Freda’s veve near the chair on the left with Dantor’s at the right towards the window.

His lover next to him is Terry, another young black man. He’s actually dead right now and naked. The two have just finished making love, Jeremy at this point wearing black boxer briefs. Terry’s eyes are open as if he’s staring into Jeremy’s face, lifeless and flat on his belly.

Caption: I know what you’re probably thinking.

Caption 2: “Oh, Jeremy Tableau, you’ve brought this on yourself.”

Caption 3: So what if he was a loup-garou demon, a killer…but having me do this to him is just… fucked up.

Panel Two: We’re now looking at Jeremy leaning up as he’s looking at the freshly new corpse before him. He has sadness in his eyes.

La Sirene: Hahaha! Oh, the black humor. What a way to break up with somebody. Ouch.

Caption: La Sirene, most famously known as Mami Wata, is one of the many goddesses of love...

Caption 2: And also a former lover of mine.

Erzulie Freda (off-panel): And using the dance of sex to summon us before releasing him to the arms of Samedi…Panel Four: Now a different shot, this time showcasing the sofa chair. Jeremy can be seen from his back at the edge of the panel on the right while on the left is Erzulie Freda on the sofa chair. She is another of the Haitian goddesses of love. She is also beautiful but different from Mami Wata. She is more heavy set, think Jill Scott (http://bp3.blogger.com/_TmN-I4lcbGM/Rwp ... +scott.jpg) or Queen Latifah (http://www.tadashicollection.com/weblog ... _Dec07.JPG). Her head is wrapped with an African hair wrap (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YhJS3JA0WOE/S ... -4jpeg.JPG) of her pink color of different shades. She’s put on some of the jewelry that Jeremy left for her. She specifically has a jewel necklace in her hands above her head, admiring it. She also has three different rings on her ring finger as she’s married to three different male Loas.

Freda 2: Just like how you had a choice to swear to us that you’d kill that poor lover of yours the next time he showed up in this city.

Panel Five: A close up of Jeremy, his temper starting to rise.

Jeremy: That was years ago and I was speaking out of anger! He… he may have been a killer, but I liked him, dammit!

Erzulie Dantor (off-panel) Ke-ke-ke-ke-ke. Ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke…

Page Two

Panel One: We’re now focusing at the window at the right of the room. Seated on the window pane is Erzulie Dantor, the sister of Erzulie Freda. Unlike her sister, she is slimmer and is wearing a red and black silk robe with a hood covering her head. She is also beautiful with dark skin. Her right cheek has two scars from a knife attack (in folklore, it was her sister, Freda, who slashed her face). She is a lot more serious than the previous goddesses introduced. In her arms is a new born baby wrapped in a black cloth. Next to her stands her beautiful daughter, Anais. She is wearing a long, form fitting yellow dress and has long hair reaching her shoulders. Anais serves as her mother’s translator as Dantor can’t speak due to having lost her tongue.

At the left of the panel, show the back of Freda as she’s now standing up with her arms crossed and looking towards her sister. Jeremy on the bed is looking at Dantor as La Sirene is now seated on the edge of the bed, combing her hair and looking in the mirror that was left for her.

Caption 2: And her daughter, Anais, her translator since she lost her tongue back during the Haitian Revolution. Her own people removed her tongue in fear she’d spill their secrets.

Freda: Oh great. The party pooper has arrived.

Anais: “I’m also the patron of the heartbroken. You should be giving thanks, ungrateful child.”

Jeremy: Ungrateful? For the so-called goddesses of love, my love life has been shit!

Freda: Oh, pish-posh, Jeremy!

Panel Two: Freda is now looking at herself in the mirror that she took from La Sirene while La Sirene is holding up and looking at the jewel that was given to Freda.

Freda: Without us, you’d have no rep of being such a heart breaker. The ladies and gentlemen practically drop to their knees for you.

La Sirene: Quite literally.

Panel Three: Same shot except now the two goddesses are laughing.

Freda and La Sirene: Hahahahaha!

Panel Four: Back to Jeremy who isn’t pleased or amused.

Jeremy: Yeah, then why all the bad luck? Why am I never happy with any of my lovers? If I am happy, I get fucked over. Over and over, or I run away with bullshit reasons causing them to get hurt or fucked over.

Jeremy 2: And don’t deny it, because I feel your influences in every one of my relationships.

Panel Five: Freda is in front of Jeremy, her arms around his neck, flirting with him. La Sirene is behind him, her hands on his waist and her mouth by his ear, smiling and flirting also.

Anais: “Yes, it was I who cursed you although it was meant for your father. He hurt an old supporter of mine. She was a wreck. She cried and prayed to me to ease her pain. She cursed your father and his love life.”

Panel Two: Back to Jeremy, La Sirene, and Freda. Freda is now turned around against Jeremy, her hand to the back of Jeremy’s head while Sirene is also turned around against him, but still behind him. La Sirene is sensually rubbing against his back while holding his hand.

Freda: But you see… I wouldn’t let that happen. Your father was a fiiine lover.

La Sirene: I’m envious.

Freda: You should be.

La Sirene: Cow.

Freda: Twig.

Panel Two: Close shot on Jeremy and Freda in the same position they were in on the last panel, the goddess’ face showing indication that she just realized something but with a slight smirk on her face.

Jeremy: So all these years, all my past lovers… It’s because I’m dealing with the sins of my father?

Freda: Huh… I guess I did have something to do with it. The curse went from him… to you.

Jeremy: So I’m just a plaything. A pawn to your own “godly” amusement?

Panel Three: Close in tightly on Dantor.

Dantor: Ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke…

Anais (off-panel): “You shall watch your tongue before us.”

Panel Four: Tight on Jeremy, annoyed and leering at us.

Jeremy: Why, because you’re still missing yours?

Panel Five: A shot of Dantor’s eyes filled with anger and fire.Panel Six: Dantor is leaping towards us angrily, teeth clenched as she has a knife in her hands, her arms that were once underneath her robe now revealing tight muscles. The baby was just tossed aside with Anais worriedly catching it.

Page Four:

Panel One: Jeremy is now on the floor, Dantor angrily holding him down by the throat while the knife is up, about to come down on him. Jeremy is completely frightened, eyes wide in shock.

La Sirene: Speaking of… I haven’t screwed around with him in quite some time…

Freda: Mmm-mm! Is that boy fine!

La Sirene: Would you care to join us?

Freda: I’d love to, my dear. But I hear drums. A ceremony is currently being done in my name.

La Sirene: Suit yourself. More for me!

Panel Five: Shot on La Sirene bending over to Jeremy, kissing him softly upon the lips.

La Sirene: Toodles.

Panel Six: Jeremy is now being helped to his feet by Freda.

Freda: Don’t be a stranger, child.

Page Five

Panel One: A shot now of Freda and Dantor. Freda is walking pass her as they stare at each other with animosity in their eyes and posture. If you can, fit Anais somewhere holding the baby.

Freda: Dantor.

Dantor: Ke-ke.

Anais: “Freda.”

Panel Two: It’s now just Jeremy, Dantor, Anais, the baby (and Terry, the dead lover, still on the bed). Dantor is taking the baby from Anais while looking at Jeremy.

Dantor: Ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke…

Anais: “We’ve got other matters to attend. Hopefully after this, you’ll be sure to think about the mess you put yourself in… ungrateful sheep.”

Dantor: Ke-ke-ke.

Anais: Yes, mother.

Panel Three: If we see much of the apartment in the next few panels, everything that was on the floor that was described, from the veves to the offerings and food, sacrifices, etc, are all gone, the Loa goddesses having disappeared with them.

Jeremy is sitting down on the bed, looking at Terry, still on the bed. Jeremy is still rubbing his throat while Anais is still standing, looking at him.

Anais: You know… we’re not as terrible as we seem on the surface. Despite the crappy curse and all, we’re not monsters.

Anais 2: There’s individuals out there who are right for you and can and may lend you happiness. You just need to find that one. Don’t give up. Trust me on this.

Jeremy: Yeah?

Panel Four: Close-up on Jeremy, looking up at us with a sly smirk on his face.

Jeremy: What are you doing Saturday night?

Panel Five: A shot on Anais with a smile on her face.

Anais: Good-bye, Jeremy.

Panel Six: A bit of an overhead as we see Anais has disappeared, Jeremy still sitting on the bed with the body lying there.

Rain Partier

Panel One: We open up to an overhead view of Jeremy Tableau, our young black handsome protagonist of early 20s, on his bed looking at his former lover, Terry. His room is neatly kept with a large amount of books on one side of the room and a TV set with movies across the bed. There are also a lot of different types of artifacts, such as African masks on the wall, statues and art pieces from different cultures. His walls are black and white, the color side-by-side from each wall. One wall is white, the next is black, and so on. No need to go out of the way to showcase all of this. The bed/bed sheets should be black and white also. On the left side of the bed a few feet away is a sofa chair. Be sure to depict this when you can along with a window to the right of the room. On the floors should be three different types of veves. Veves are symbols of Vodou loas that a person is trying to pray/contact. One is the veve of Erzulie Freda (http://www.voodooveve.com/images/veves/ ... _freda.jpg) which is surrounded by pink and blue candles, a plate of sweet cakes, jewelry, bottles of champagne, and pink roses; Erzulie Danto (http://www4.uwm.edu/letsci/africology/f ... fffdea.gif) which is surrounded by red and black candles, rum bottles, a plate of season fried pork and a dead black pig; La Sirene (http://www.sosyetedumarche.com/assets/i ... n_veve.png) which is surrounded by aqua blue and white candles, a mirror, comb, a plate of melons and white cakes trimmed in blue. All the vevers are all drawn with corn flour and all the candles are lit. Also specifically place Freda’s veve near the chair on the left with Dantor’s at the right towards the window.

His lover next to him is Terry, another young black man. He’s actually dead right now and naked. The two have just finished making love, Jeremy at this point wearing black boxer briefs. Terry’s eyes are open as if he’s staring into Jeremy’s face, lifeless and flat on his belly.

Caption: I know what you’re probably thinking.

Caption 2: “Oh, Jeremy Tableau, you’ve brought this on yourself.”

Caption 3: So what if he was a loup-garou demon, a killer…but having me do this to him is just… fucked up.

Panel Two: We’re now looking at Jeremy leaning up as he’s looking at the freshly new corpse before him. He has sadness in his eyes.

La Sirene: Hahaha! Oh, the black humor. What a way to break up with somebody. Ouch.

Caption: La Sirene, most famously known as Mami Wata, is one of the many goddesses of love...

Caption 2: And also a former lover of mine.

Erzulie Freda (off-panel): And using the dance of sex to summon us before releasing him to the arms of Samedi…Panel Four: Now a different shot, this time showcasing the sofa chair. Jeremy can be seen from his back at the edge of the panel on the right while on the left is Erzulie Freda on the sofa chair. She is another of the Haitian goddesses of love. She is also beautiful but different from Mami Wata. She is more heavy set, think Jill Scott (http://bp3.blogger.com/_TmN-I4lcbGM/Rwp ... +scott.jpg) or Queen Latifah (http://www.tadashicollection.com/weblog ... _Dec07.JPG). Her head is wrapped with an African hair wrap (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YhJS3JA0WOE/S ... -4jpeg.JPG) of her pink color of different shades. She’s put on some of the jewelry that Jeremy left for her. She specifically has a jewel necklace in her hands above her head, admiring it. She also has three different rings on her ring finger as she’s married to three different male Loas.

Freda 2: Just like how you had a choice to swear to us that you’d kill that poor lover of yours the next time he showed up in this city.

Panel Five: A close up of Jeremy, his temper starting to rise.

Jeremy: That was years ago and I was speaking out of anger! He… he may have been a killer, but I liked him, dammit!

Erzulie Dantor (off-panel) Ke-ke-ke-ke-ke. Ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke…

Page Two

Panel One: We’re now focusing at the window at the right of the room. Seated on the window pane is Erzulie Dantor, the sister of Erzulie Freda. Unlike her sister, she is slimmer and is wearing a red and black silk robe with a hood covering her head. She is also beautiful with dark skin. Her right cheek has two scars from a knife attack (in folklore, it was her sister, Freda, who slashed her face). She is a lot more serious than the previous goddesses introduced. In her arms is a new born baby wrapped in a black cloth. Next to her stands her beautiful daughter, Anais. She is wearing a long, form fitting yellow dress and has long hair reaching her shoulders. Anais serves as her mother’s translator as Dantor can’t speak due to having lost her tongue.

At the left of the panel, show the back of Freda as she’s now standing up with her arms crossed and looking towards her sister. Jeremy on the bed is looking at Dantor as La Sirene is now seated on the edge of the bed, combing her hair and looking in the mirror that was left for her.

Caption 2: And her daughter, Anais, her translator since she lost her tongue back during the Haitian Revolution. Her own people removed her tongue in fear she’d spill their secrets.

Freda: Oh great. The party pooper has arrived.

Anais: “I’m also the patron of the heartbroken. You should be giving thanks, ungrateful child.”

Jeremy: Ungrateful? For the so-called goddesses of love, my love life has been shit!

Freda: Oh, pish-posh, Jeremy!

Panel Two: Freda is now looking at herself in the mirror that she took from La Sirene while La Sirene is holding up and looking at the jewel that was given to Freda.

Freda: Without us, you’d have no rep of being such a heart breaker. The ladies and gentlemen practically drop to their knees for you.

La Sirene: Quite literally.

Panel Three: Same shot except now the two goddesses are laughing.

Freda and La Sirene: Hahahahaha!

Panel Four: Back to Jeremy who isn’t pleased or amused.

Jeremy: Yeah, then why all the bad luck? Why am I never happy with any of my lovers? If I am happy, I get fucked over. Over and over, or I run away with bullshit reasons causing them to get hurt or fucked over.

Jeremy 2: And don’t deny it, because I feel your influences in every one of my relationships.

Panel Five: Freda is in front of Jeremy, her arms around his neck, flirting with him. La Sirene is behind him, her hands on his waist and her mouth by his ear, smiling and flirting also.

Anais: “Yes, it was I who cursed you although it was meant for your father. He hurt an old supporter of mine. She was a wreck. She cried and prayed to me to ease her pain. She cursed your father and his love life.”

Panel Two: Back to Jeremy, La Sirene, and Freda. Freda is now turned around against Jeremy, her hand to the back of Jeremy’s head while Sirene is also turned around against him, but still behind him. La Sirene is sensually rubbing against his back while holding his hand.

Freda: But you see… I wouldn’t let that happen. Your father was a fiiine lover.

La Sirene: I’m envious.

Freda: You should be.

La Sirene: Cow.

Freda: Twig.

Panel Two: Close shot on Jeremy and Freda in the same position they were in on the last panel, the goddess’ face showing indication that she just realized something but with a slight smirk on her face.

Jeremy: So all these years, all my past lovers… It’s because I’m dealing with the sins of my father?

Freda: Huh… I guess I did have something to do with it. The curse went from him… to you.

Jeremy: So I’m just a plaything. A pawn to your own “godly” amusement?

Panel Three: Close in tightly on Dantor.

Dantor: Ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke…

Anais (off-panel): “You shall watch your tongue before us.”

Panel Four: Tight on Jeremy, annoyed and leering at us.

Jeremy: Why, because you’re still missing yours?

Panel Five: A shot of Dantor’s eyes filled with anger and fire.Panel Six: Dantor is leaping towards us angrily, teeth clenched as she has a knife in her hands, her arms that were once underneath her robe now revealing tight muscles. The baby was just tossed aside with Anais worriedly catching it.

Page Four:

Panel One: Jeremy is now on the floor, Dantor angrily holding him down by the throat while the knife is up, about to come down on him. Jeremy is completely frightened, eyes wide in shock.

La Sirene: Speaking of… I haven’t screwed around with him in quite some time…

Freda: Mmm-mm! Is that boy fine!

La Sirene: Would you care to join us?

Freda: I’d love to, my dear. But I hear drums. A ceremony is currently being done in my name.

La Sirene: Suit yourself. More for me!

Panel Five: Shot on La Sirene bending over to Jeremy, kissing him softly upon the lips.

La Sirene: Toodles.

Panel Six: Jeremy is now being helped to his feet by Freda.

Freda: Don’t be a stranger, child.

Page Five

Panel One: A shot now of Freda and Dantor. Freda is walking pass her as they stare at each other with animosity in their eyes and posture. If you can, fit Anais somewhere holding the baby.

Freda: Dantor.

Dantor: Ke-ke.

Anais: “Freda.”

Panel Two: It’s now just Jeremy, Dantor, Anais, the baby (and Terry, the dead lover, still on the bed). Dantor is taking the baby from Anais while looking at Jeremy.

Dantor: Ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke…

Anais: “We’ve got other matters to attend. Hopefully after this, you’ll be sure to think about the mess you put yourself in… ungrateful sheep.”

Dantor: Ke-ke-ke.

Anais: Yes, mother.

Panel Three: If we see much of the apartment in the next few panels, everything that was on the floor that was described, from the veves to the offerings and food, sacrifices, etc, are all gone, the Loa goddesses having disappeared with them.

Jeremy is sitting down on the bed, looking at Terry, still on the bed. Jeremy is still rubbing his throat while Anais is still standing, looking at him.

Anais: You know… we’re not as terrible as we seem on the surface. Despite the crappy curse and all, we’re not monsters.

Anais 2: There’s individuals out there who are right for you and can and may lend you happiness. You just need to find that one. Don’t give up. Trust me on this.

Jeremy: Yeah?

Panel Four: Close-up on Jeremy, looking up at us with a sly smirk on his face.

Jeremy: What are you doing Saturday night?

Panel Five: A shot on Anais with a smile on her face.

Anais: Good-bye, Jeremy.

Panel Six: A bit of an overhead as we see Anais has disappeared, Jeremy still sitting on the bed with the body lying there.

Rain Partier

His lover next to him is Terry, another young black man. He’s actually dead right now and naked. The two have just finished making love, Jeremy at this point wearing black boxer briefs. Terry’s eyes are open as if he’s staring into Jeremy’s face, lifeless and flat on his belly.

this needs some clarificationif they just finished having sex then when did Terry die and why is Jeremy already (somewhat) dressed?

Freda: Oh, pish-posh, Jeremy!

Jeremy: Yeah, then why all the bad luck? Why am I never happy with any of my lovers? If I am happy, I get fucked over. Over and over, or I run away with bullshit reasons causing them to get hurt or fucked over.

phrase duplication

Anais: “Yes, it was I who cursed you although it was meant for your father. He hurt an old supporter of mine. She was a wreck after he was done with her. She cried and prayed to me to ease her pain and she. She cursed your father and his love life.”

word choice?blue - suggested additionred - suggestion subtraction

Freda: But you see… I wouldn’t let that happen. Your father was a fiiine lover.

---overall, this was my least favorite of all the stories I've read so far. The gods acted more like teenage brats then they did deities and most of the explanations of who they were and their differences were either in your notes to the artist (and therefore may not make it to the reader) or took me out of the story.also, and I doubt that i am wording this well, this one felt way more...crass than the other stories. Where the humor in previous scripts was over the top and clever, this one felt like an odd mixture of dark humor and a high school locker room.

Rain Partier

His lover next to him is Terry, another young black man. He’s actually dead right now and naked. The two have just finished making love, Jeremy at this point wearing black boxer briefs. Terry’s eyes are open as if he’s staring into Jeremy’s face, lifeless and flat on his belly.

this needs some clarificationif they just finished having sex then when did Terry die and why is Jeremy already (somewhat) dressed?

Freda: Oh, pish-posh, Jeremy!

Jeremy: Yeah, then why all the bad luck? Why am I never happy with any of my lovers? If I am happy, I get fucked over. Over and over, or I run away with bullshit reasons causing them to get hurt or fucked over.

phrase duplication

Anais: “Yes, it was I who cursed you although it was meant for your father. He hurt an old supporter of mine. She was a wreck after he was done with her. She cried and prayed to me to ease her pain and she. She cursed your father and his love life.”

word choice?blue - suggested additionred - suggestion subtraction

Freda: But you see… I wouldn’t let that happen. Your father was a fiiine lover.

---overall, this was my least favorite of all the stories I've read so far. The gods acted more like teenage brats then they did deities and most of the explanations of who they were and their differences were either in your notes to the artist (and therefore may not make it to the reader) or took me out of the story.also, and I doubt that i am wording this well, this one felt way more...crass than the other stories. Where the humor in previous scripts was over the top and clever, this one felt like an odd mixture of dark humor and a high school locker room.

Rain Partier

Thanks a great ton, GHERU. I appreciate it. Some parts I can see well at what you're saying, some I don't agree on. As to certain explanations....

As to the joke about the tongue, Anais is off-panel during the set up of the joke, she only represents the translation as to what Erzulie Dantor is saying. So its really Dantor's words which is why the focus is on her when the translation is being said, thus bringing forth Jeremy's joke.

As to the humor, I sorta like the oddness of it. There's a specific type of humor that a lot of Haitians have which is very odd and different from other types of humor. It's hard to really pin-point, but it's definitely something noticeable due to the particular Creole language and the way certain jokes are said, etc. Many times a lot of their humor can seem quite crass and childish and I the crass was definitely something I wanted to have in. One thing the Loa in particular folklore and books I've read, they pretty much interact as people rather than deities, they're only deities really to people and they don't often interact with them unless through possessions. There was just something I liked about them just being this weird mix-match of characters just toying around and seemingly having, I suppose, a childish mentality as to being in a position of great power over people. Sorta hope you can see where I'm coming from. Also felt I showed enough differences from a goddess like Dantor compared to Freda or Anais even, or even Baron Cimiteire who I introduced a few scripts earlier. I definitely want to give them distinct voices, especially compared to what's typically seen of Greek/Norse/more popular like Gods.

I also think I eliminated Jeremy's narration to the point where it seem the humor wasn't the same. Most of the humor from the other stories are from his narration and the over-the-top humor you may be referring to was the one with the Space Bitches which was totally different from the previous scripts also.

One thing I do see is the description of the goddesses. I suppose I explained more to the artist to help get a feel to characterize them as he draws them, but I suppose I can do a little more for the reader though I sorta felt I liked that I just presented them and let the reader make what they will. It's definitely something I'll keep in mind.

Rain Partier

Thanks a great ton, GHERU. I appreciate it. Some parts I can see well at what you're saying, some I don't agree on. As to certain explanations....

As to the joke about the tongue, Anais is off-panel during the set up of the joke, she only represents the translation as to what Erzulie Dantor is saying. So its really Dantor's words which is why the focus is on her when the translation is being said, thus bringing forth Jeremy's joke.

As to the humor, I sorta like the oddness of it. There's a specific type of humor that a lot of Haitians have which is very odd and different from other types of humor. It's hard to really pin-point, but it's definitely something noticeable due to the particular Creole language and the way certain jokes are said, etc. Many times a lot of their humor can seem quite crass and childish and I the crass was definitely something I wanted to have in. One thing the Loa in particular folklore and books I've read, they pretty much interact as people rather than deities, they're only deities really to people and they don't often interact with them unless through possessions. There was just something I liked about them just being this weird mix-match of characters just toying around and seemingly having, I suppose, a childish mentality as to being in a position of great power over people. Sorta hope you can see where I'm coming from. Also felt I showed enough differences from a goddess like Dantor compared to Freda or Anais even, or even Baron Cimiteire who I introduced a few scripts earlier. I definitely want to give them distinct voices, especially compared to what's typically seen of Greek/Norse/more popular like Gods.

I also think I eliminated Jeremy's narration to the point where it seem the humor wasn't the same. Most of the humor from the other stories are from his narration and the over-the-top humor you may be referring to was the one with the Space Bitches which was totally different from the previous scripts also.

One thing I do see is the description of the goddesses. I suppose I explained more to the artist to help get a feel to characterize them as he draws them, but I suppose I can do a little more for the reader though I sorta felt I liked that I just presented them and let the reader make what they will. It's definitely something I'll keep in mind.