HOW NOT TO DIE WHILE READING ||TIPS & TRICKS OF THE TRADE (bc to not die of feels you need some serious #help).

I’m definitely not writing this after reading book that tore my heart out and smushed it up and trampled all over the remains while I wait idly by… noooo… WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. The Empress of the Galaxies has NO weakness. NOO. I am here to help you humans possess 0 emotions at all like moi.*

I just… WEAKNESS cannot be shown. Negl. . . crying at books is one of the best things bc well.. IT MEANS THAT THE BOOK IS BRILLIANT.

*I literally cry all the time at books.. .

So heres she tips to not go to Heaven™/ Hell™ (depending on your life choices. . . )

JUST DON’T READ

I KNOW. . . I can’t believe that this is even an option… it’s the only way that you can totally avoid this entire situation (or so the weaklings say…)

But pfft who would do this???? WE CAN’T JUST STOP BREATHINGGGGGG??? OKAY??? How would we survive?? This is like trubg to make a cakes fly.. . or be more delicious IT JUST ISN’T POSSIBLE.

So yeah, whoever wrote / suggested this needs to come up with better ideas… tut tut tut. . .

ERRR POINT TWO… BE AN EMOTIONLESS WORRIER THAT HAD EMOTION TRAINED OUT OF THEM WHEN THEY WERE 4. . .

So if you’re like me… you’ll feel nothing about anything ever. Well.. .only anger as you smite and burn your enemies to cinders.. but that’s about it. It’s the PERFECT solution. I FEEL NOTHINNNNGGG when A BELOVED(ha don’t even love the characters… I feel THAT little emotion. . .) CHARACTER DIES. OF COURSE I FELL NOTHING.

NOTHING.

WHY WOULD YOU SUGGEST OTHERWISE???

DARE THE CHALLENGE ME????? I ART EMPRESS OF THE GALAXIES. (this is incorrect but *hair flick* I don’t care)

READ BBOOKS WITH NO CHARACTERS TO GET ATTACHED TO.

Like.. go read a cook book or something. actually. . . knowing me. . . if I come across a cake recipe I would probably fall in love with the photos of the cake*. BUT for you normal humans, I’m sure that a cook book would be the perfect fit for you!

*no whattt.. I HAVE NO EMOTIONS.

However, be warned. Affects of reading a cook book:

May experience more feelings of hunger than usual.

Could possibly fall asleep while reading.

40% chance of boredom.

Could never want to cook again. Hiring a chef may be expensive —> potential bankruptcy.

Could become a professional chef.

May never actually feel things from a book ever again (yay you made it!!)

Doesn’t should like a bad idea tbh. * “potential bankruptcy” *

EAT OTHER PEOPLE’S FEELINGS TO BANISH YOUR OWN.

13/10 recommend. 12/10 success rate. No lie. I do this all the time. JUST ensure that the feelings you eat don’t belong to the characters, may result in feeling emotional.

Mates, I had to edit this frame by freaking frame.

OR. . . YOU COULD JUST DIE OF FEELS ANYWAY. . .

I mean… that’s what I do. . . I mean noooo I FEEL NO EMOTION WHATSOEVER!!! I JUST DO. . . Let’s not even lie here. We all get emotional sometimes quite a bit of the time. Crying over a book is the BEST THING because: crying over a book = connecting with the book = liking it = crying more = loving itttttttttt!

Basically all me, summed up, when I’m reading a book that I love but with a lot more tears. . .

AHAHAHA yesssss. If I don’t read at all, I won’t get destroyed at all! Or emotionally manipulated! Or killed! Fantastic idea Lu… except I think I’ll die if I don’t read either. THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN.

Oh god I could never read those boring nonfiction books. I’d probably fall asleep while reading them tbh. (And then I could fall asleep on a KNIFE and die. Not good.) And omg I try to be emotionless but it DOES NOT WORK?? Sigh. I’ll never perfect the Soulless State of Mind.

Hahaha! I love this post – and your use of gifs is perfect! I can relate to this so MUCH, I can’t even look at A Court of Mist and Fury without having to use breathing techniques and don’t get me STARTED on Harry Potter.

Yep!😭😂 There was this time when I finished a book where the main character died, the author did such an amazing job at making me so attached to her and when she died ( even one I knew it was coming ) I literally started bawling! Then as my mum was coming downstairs she heard me, she was so concerned that when I told her it was because of the book she laughed in relief😂 Took me agesss to get over that book😭😂

OMG the amount of times that i go to make tea and im jsut sobbing and i have to say “it was the book” to stop them from asking what’s wrong. . . ALSO im super emotioan lately, SO I SOB AT EVERYTHING ahahahahaha

Oh my gosh samee😭😂 And me too! I’ve been so emotional as well, I’ve been crying at things I never really would have before it’s sooo weird😭
Nope not Allegiant! The Memory Book is what I was talking about, it wrecked me😭😭

I don’t survive… I just cry, and sob, and wail, and… um… be sad.
Tbh though, if a book makes me cry, it means it’s a pretty amazing book. So I can live with it, simply because the awesomeness of it keeps me alive.

WAIT………..WHAT AM I SAYIINGGG????? That is the ONLYYY choice!!! Letting all the beauty of words destroy you is WAYYYYYYYY easier than fighting it off to the best of your abilities AND THEN let it destroy you… and… *putting on my best SMAUG voice* LET IT CORRUPT YOUR HEART!!! hHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!