Tuesday

The core lesson in Mary Pipher’s new book about women and aging is that everything is workable. She says “Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age” is more “how to think” than “how to,” though the book is often less prescriptive than descriptive. We learn from Pipher that the majority of women north of middle age have already taught themselves a great deal about attitude, expectations and quality of later life.

“Attitude,” Pipher writes, “trumps circumstance.” And in old age, after decades of experience, learning and adaptation, older women find themselves in their happiest years. Studies confirm that women are happiest between the ages of 65 and 79.

“Women Rowing North” tracks the reasons for a woman’s positive evolution using research, personal experience and a series of interviews with a diverse set of women. Readers know instantly that they are in good hands with Pipher. She writes with authority and authenticity, shaping her accumulated wisdom with her artful writer’s voice.

Pipher is the author of several books including the bestseller, “Reviving Ophelia.” Her work as a therapist specializing in women, as a cultural anthropologist and educator, and her research in the fields of gender, psychology and sex roles as well as her ceaseless inquiries into human nature establish her as especially qualified to speak on the topic of older women.

Among the crucial issues she takes up are the wrong and hurtful ideas and biases American society imposes on older women. She writes that old women suffer a social disease. “Ageism may be an even greater challenge than aging.”

“Older women in our country are sexually mocked, their bodies are derided and their voices are silenced.” Pipher’s voice, however, is everywhere. She’s been featured on several National Public Radio talk shows, her essays appear in newspapers and her book has been on the non-fiction bestseller list for six weeks. She has a positive and timely message, overall, but she also possesses a special grace that fills the pages with loving kindness, even when the issues she tackles are dire.

Pipher solves a mystery. Why do older people say they are not old when clearly they are? Pipher’s answer: “What women mean when they say, ‘I am not old,’ is ‘I won’t accept the ideas that the culture has about me.’ “

Older women are not that bitter mother-in-law, that incompetent at the checkout counter, that passionless wife so often depicted in all American media.

Be careful, she writes in her prescriptive voice, not to internalize these pervasive, negative stereotypes. Negative scripts become self-fulfilling prophecies. Sadly, “the stories of our complexity, our wisdom and our joy are not often told.”

“Happiness is a choice and a set of skills,” she tells readers. Among those she interviews at length is Willow. Willow is fascinating because she changes and grows in unexpected ways. When Pipher introduces Willow, she says, “Willow only knows how to work” and Willow corroborates that. “Retirement,” she says, “is the ugliest word in the English language.”

She, like so many Pipher features, adapts with grace and gratitude. Her husband Saul, a man she did not spend a lot of time with because of her demanding career, is diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Willow makes a difficult decision and takes on the role of caretaker, only to rediscover the fine qualities of the man she married. She hears herself laugh spontaneously, she catches a glimpse of herself smiling as she passes a mirror, and realizes how she has evolved and adapted. She has never been happier.

Pipher examines numerous issues in her book, including community and isolation, gratitude and letting go, action and acceptance, illness and physical limitations. Above all is her nourishing refrain: Attitude is almost everything and choice is our power.

People of all ages and gender orientations will find Pipher’s book not only of interest but radical in its assertions. For women transitioning from middle age, rowing north feels right and true. The book is a gift that provides comfort, caring and a positive way forward, as well.

Rae Padilla Francoeur can be reached at rae@raefrancoeur.com.

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