5 Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex

#1 – People who claim they’re waiting are actually just ugly losers who can’t get laid

The Myth

Normal, attractive people don’t wait until marriage. Anybody who claims that they’re waiting is probably just an ugly losers/social outcast who can’t find anybody to have sex with. They tell other people (and themselves) that they are waiting till marriage to feel better about nobody wanting them.

The Reality

Most people decide to wait until marriage in their mid-to-late teens, right around the time when the opportunity to have sex starts to close in on them for the first time. It is this pressure — the very real, immediate possibility of having sex — that forces the person to decide how the feel about the issue. Without the opportunity, there would be little reason for people to worry about making a decision.

Moreover, one of the biggest challenges for those who wait is resisting opportunity throughout their lives. If you don’t believe me, read the comments on this site. Most of them mention pressures and over-abundance of opportunities much more than they mention loneliness.

Waiting till marriage is a mental decision that comes from a particular personality type. It has little to do with physical appearance. There are people who wait at all levels of physical attractiveness, from Quasimodo to Supermodel.

There are such things as unattractive, socially awkward people who have trouble finding partners. But in my experience, such people are more likely to be desperate types who make lots of bad sexual decisions because of their low self esteem.

#2 – Only super-religious people wait until marriage

The Myth

People only wait until marriage because their pastor, their church, and their backwards, outdated religion tells them that they’re going to hell if they don’t. Really, we should feel bad for people who wait because their ultra-religious upbringing is suppressing their natural urges in an unhealthy way.

The Reality

While it’s true that the majority of waiters attend some sort of religious services, that’s not universal, and those who are religious aren’t always the “bad” type of religious (overbearing, pushy, preachy). As Leo’s recent article on Atheism and waiting proves, waiting till marriage is not always a purely-religious decision. Waiting till marriage is a cause that can appeal to people of all faiths, and those with none.

#3 – Oh you’re waiting? You must not have a sex drive.

They Myth

For somebody who regularly lets their sexual urges rule them, it can seem strange and totally unthinkable that there could be people out there who willfully ignore and redirect those urges. So strange, in fact, that such people must not really exist. Surely, nobody with a normal sex drive could muster the will to hold it at bay until marriage…they must just have a lower-than-normal sex drive. They must not be interested in sex. They must be frigid in some way.

The Reality

As most people on this site can assure you, people who wait until marriage have hormones and sex drives that rage just as hard as everybody else’s. The difference is that people who wait have prioritized (to the extreme) the desires of their heart and mind over that physical side of them. As much as possible, people who wait strive to redirect that part of themselves into productive ambitions until they meet the right person, at which point they can let the beast out of the cage.

#4 – People who wait are total prudes

The Myth

This one goes along with the myth that waiters don’t have sex drives. People assume that those who wait are prudish and uptight about sex. In terms of dating, people assume that a virgin will recoil in horror and slap them in the face at the slightest physical advance. God forbid you do actually marry a person who is waiting, because they’ll probably be totally boring in the bedroom.

The Reality

Most people who wait do not view sex as ugly or bad — quite the opposite. Waiting till marriage is not an act of reducing or demonizing sex; it is an act of elevating it and holding it as more meaningful. Most people who wait have all the same sexual desires as non-waiters. They just require a higher price for unlocking that part of them: meaning and commitment.

#5 – All people who wait are preachy hypocrites

The Myth

Lots of young people try to wait until marriage and then give up. There are some personalities that were never really compatible with the whole idea of waiting. When somebody with an incompatible personality tries to force themselves to wait, they often do so using very harsh language in their own minds. They beat and chastise themselves into doing what they have become convinced is proper. And when they are challenged on it, they lash out and lecture others using all the harsh words they use against themselves.

They become the preachy, holier-than-thou types that everybody hates. And then, because their whole decision is based on fear and repression, they cave, over and over again. One minute they’ll be calling some girl a slut, and the next minute they’ll be having sex in the church bathroom, and then two days later they’ll be chastising themselves for it and lashing out at others again.

One day, they hurtfully condemn one of their classmates who happens to be a future Hollywood screenwriter, or the friend of a future screenwriter. And then that writer grows up to make movies and TV shows portraying abstinent people as cruel hypocrites; her revenge against her High School tormentors. The writer’s passionately vicious portrayal sticks in the minds of moviegoers, and helps solidify the stereotype of an abstinent person.

The Reality

There’s a vast difference between people who say they’re waiting till marriage in high school, and those who continue to maintain their decision after they’ve graduated. The latter are the real waiters. And those tend to be very sweet, kindhearted people, not angry preachy types.

As mentioned above, it is often the people who fail miserably at waiting who are the most vocal about it. The successful waiters, the ones who survive high school with their decision intact, who are kind and unpreachy and don’t judge others for their own actions…those people tend to keep their decision to themselves. But we are the silent majority when it comes to waiting till marriage.

Mike handles all of the programming and design work for WTM.org.
Although he still writes the occasional article,
he spends most of his time these days creating new site features and keeping everything organized.
Mike is web software developer by day, and is in school to become a psychologist.
In his free time Mike enjoys running, biking, and movies.

132 Responses to “5 Myths About People Who Wait Until Marriage to Have Sex”

This is all so true! Great article! I especially agree with myth number 1 when it says
“such people are more likely to be desperate types who make lots of bad sexual decisions because of their low self esteem” I know a lot of people who have sex straight away with guys because they feel that’s all they can offer them.
And number 2 is really true as well. I hate it when people think that just because I’m waiting I’m extremely religious.
Well Done!

Mike, absolutely love the article! I was wondering when an article like this would be done. Numbers 1 & 5 are my favorite. With respect to Number 1, I love this:

“There are such things as unattractive, socially awkward people who have trouble finding partners. But in my experience, such people are more likely to be desperate types who make lots of bad sexual decisions because of their low self esteem.”…. I saw sooo much of this in college.

Number 5 is really important to me as well. I have strong Christian conviction but do not judge or degrade/demean “non-waiters”. I am always troubled by the stereotype portrayed in #5.

Yea, thanks Mike. I love all the points that you brought out. But, the one that I can really relate to is #2. I get looked on as snooty and snooby because I’m a Christian. When I tell people the truth and that I wait til marriage, they immediately think that I look down on them for not waiting. The truth is that I just want them to see all the benefits of waiting like this website brings out. I am not religious (religious and having a relationship with God is two completely different things). I’m just a caring person that wants everybody to reap the benefits that all.

am waiting and yes am still in school, i told some friends and they spared it round the hole school, if someone asks me am not going to lie ill be honest with them, i agree with everything you are saying, but i believe i can do it and i will be incredibly proud of my self when i have seen it all the way through, but you said that those who are verbal about it don’t always succeed, I will and I disagree, just because am happy to talk about it doesn’t mean its not going to happen, except for that i really do love the article, thanks

I loved your article. Let me tell y’all something. I’m 26 years-old and, trust me, I am VERY attractive. Every single guy in high school and a lot of them in college wanted (and tried) to have sex with me. Believe it or not, I’m still a virgin and really proud of the decision I made a LONG time ago, even before high school. I have my reasons why I decided to wait. I don’t see sex as most people see it, and I don’t feel like I need to do it so I can be “cool” among my friends because I already consider myself a pretty cool person. All my friends from both high school and college were very popular, had sex with a ton of different guys and today, most of them are either married to jerks who basically just use them, uh, well… for sex, or they are divorced, depressed and hopeless (some of them with kids) that they’ll ever have a happy marriage. If you are in your teenager years, you won’t probably give a crap to what I am saying because you’re too immature to comprehend how miserable you may feel for having the type of life my friends now have. I am very open to whoever I date: I am a virgin and won’t do anything until I get married. I honestly tend to attract people who treat me with all the respect I deserve, and who treat my family and friends well. And these are the type of people I like to be in my life. I mean, I’m sorry if I am maybe too harsh here but let’s face the truth. If your boyfriend dumps you after getting what he wanted, I don’t think you should blame him but yourself. We reap what we sow, and we tend to attract people who are like us. That is called reality. If you don’t give yourself respect, don’t expect anyone to do the same for you. If you like to sleep around with guys, don’t be surprised if all that you attract are jerks who want to have sex with you. So, if you do want someone who will treat you with respect, the first person that you should respect is YOURSELF. Good luck with life. 🙂

Very well said! I too am a 26 year old and I’m writing an article for this site about life after college. You’ve reinforced much of what I have seen.

I especially appreciate the part about your friends being married to jerks and being depressed. I think our sex-obsessed culture and superficial view of relationships/love is why marriage is such in the dismal state that it’s in.

Thank you!! I totally get with the myth #1 a lot of might expect that virgins are only “losers” but in reality the “losers” are usually the ones having sex before marriage because of their low self-esteem. And thanks for the list of celebrities who remained virgins until marriage proving that even extremely attractive people (like adrianna lima) can be successful in waiting until marriage.

i though i was the only one who was waiting to have sex till marriage.
until i read this i was like “oh im not the only one theres other people also that are waiting till marriage
just like i am” i’ve kept my promisr to myself sinse high school and i am a college student now. so im very proud of myself for waiting till i get married to someone i’ll stay with forever.

I know I definitely want to wait for marriage, but I’m just afraid that I’m going to forget it or allow the way other people view sex to infect me. I’m also not looking forward to getting made fun of. I mean, I’m certainly not an ugly, socially awkward girl. But I’m afraid of finding somebody that I really like and then giving into the pressure. Or not being able to find somebody who is willing to wait. I mean, they don’t have to be virgins, but if they’re dating me, I’m not gonna put out. And I just don’t think I’m going to find somebody like that. I guess you could say that I believe the first stereotype from this article, especially about guys. Idk. Ugh. This all gives me such anxiety.

@ARealist/Cynic – Eh, I don’t think they’re straw men arguments. I mean, I grant you that the point of the post was to set up the myths and knock them down, similar to a straw man. So it meets that quality. But the other main idea behind a straw man is that the author invents weak arguments or deliberately chooses the weakest arguments to address, just so he can defeat them and give the false impression of an intellectual win.

I didn’t do that. I didn’t invent these myths, and I didn’t pick the weakest out of the existing myths. I picked real assumptions about waiters that I’ve heard vocalized from many people over the course of my life, and I listed what I thought were the most popular ones.

The defining characteristic of a straw man argument lies in the selection of the points chosen to address. So if you’re going to accuse me of picking weak and easily defeatable myths about those who wait, then give me some stronger myths to tackle.

Personally, the only one that I can think of that’s missing from this list is “People who wait get married really young,” and maybe that deserves a place here in the future.

But overall, this wasn’t meant to be a hardcore debate article (for that, see 5 Arguments Against Waiting Till Marriage). Like most stereotypes, there is truth to all of the above. My point wasn’t to say “all stereotypes about those who wait are completely false, and here are reasoned arguments.” My point was to say “We’re not all like this. In fact, most of us are pretty normal.”

I think this article is very true. Girls find me way more attractive knowing I think about the future and our happiness. I am very social and am currently going for my masters degree in finance. Yes, being part of this lifestyle means I have a unique personality. I embrace criticism and I do not feel like I need to marry a virgin. It’s just a different way of thinking.. Everyone who chose this knows why they did deep down inside.. True love, trust, Passion, and choice.

I been looking for an article like this for years!!
I’m 23 and I’m waiting til marriage. I have to admit that it did start as a religious thing, but that’s long gone now (I mean I’m still religious, but that’s not why I’m holding on to my V-card).

I don’t mean to sound abnoxtious or anything but I am told that I am above average looking to put it simply. I hate how people always bother me about being a virgin if I’m so “hot”. I think that’s one of the reasons I stay one. I have to make sure guys aren’t just into me because of my looks or my sexuality. I want to be sure that when I sleep with my husband he will love all of me, not only my body.

I know that if a guy is willing to wait for me and respects my choice to be a virgin he is worth the shot.

Oh, and another thing. Of couse virgins have sex drives and are far from being prudes. That’s another reason I decided to wait. I think I’m afraid that if I have sex I’ll like it so much I won’t be able to say no in the future. I’m 23 and even though I’m a virgin I have kissed a few boys and I love it!! I know I’ll love sex, I just want it to be a guy I’m sure will love me as much as he loves sex.

I love this article. I don’t feel as much of an outcast now so thanks mike. I’ve been asked when I wanted to lose my virginity and I said “after I am 20 but by or when I’m 25″what I didn’t say was that was around the time I wanted to get married and then lose my virginity. my cousin who is also my best friend told me that my virginity is a beautiful thing and to respect my body. I because being in high school and feeling the need to fit in, I think I will beer misjudged by my decision to wait basically because of the 5 myths so many people believe are true

Its good to know that the stereotypes of people waiting for marriage to have sex are revealed and also be understood that there is nothing wrong with me nor anyone else who is waiting for marriage to have sex. : )

I hate being talked about and septerotyped for waiting until marriage. There is only one other girl that I know is willing to wait also. The world today is not like it used to be. It is my promise to myself, God, my family, my friends, and my boyfriend to happily wait! I may only be 15, but I have already been put in several situations being pressured to have sex but I have always been strong enough to say no. I am extremely happy with myself and my decision and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It is very difficult to wait but I know God has a plan for me. And all of you. Lets stick together and hang in there! A word of encouragement God said all creation was good; but about Adam and Eve HE said very good! Just think about how happy you will be when you are with the person, casually and intimately. I’m going to like $&X like a fat kid likes cake. sorry lol

Mike you rock….my favourites are 1,2;3;4 and ofcoz 5……see im 19 and im not horrible to look@tho i need to trim a few pounds off me bt ha il get to it….and i dont go to church not because im not into God because believe me i am im just not overtly religious and im forever spotting heels,shorts shorts,mini skirts and im said i have the “slutty look”bt beleive me im not and yes its true what you said abt the preachy stereotype bcz im kind of the opposite im sorrounded by non waiters and i surpport them although haha if my friend is still a virgin i try to convince them to not have sex…….and yeah you can guess iv been holed up on why im waiting,iv even been dumped and cheated on because of that but ey its my decision and if a partner doesnt understand that they can go…they didnt really fucking matter in the first place……..

I really loved this article. I hate the stereotypes that people have about virgins/waiters! I saw this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEAtr5qKgKY&feature=plcp) on a youtube news program where waiters were ridiculed and called crazy and religious lunatics, and it hurts a lot when people say that about you so this article really helped me to feel accepted and like I’m not a freak for wanting to wait until marriage.

Yes! I can agree with everyone and everything on this page. I feel so alone when it come to waiting. I’m a freshman in college, and in a sorority and guess what. A lot of my friends treat sex like no big deal. I need friends who support me and my values. One thing I am doing to help with the tension is to tell the guy I’m celibate, before going out with him. If he flees, then he wasn’t the right guy to begin with. It is those very guys who are okay with it, and is still willing to be in a relationship (especially in college) that are the special ones every girl needs to hold on to.

SO what if you tie the knot and your guys arnt sexually compatible.. one wants more then the other or just not good in bed? one wants to explore more and the other doesn’t isn’t it good to find these things out before hand?

Thank you for your article! I’ve been trying to find a site where I can get a little support for my decision to stay abstinent but unfortunately, all the ones I found are incredibly Christian. No offense to them (I went to a Catholic school) but its annoying when I say I want to wait and EVERYONE thinks its because the Lord Almighty is telling me to. I’m a Buddhist for goodness sake! My choice has absolutely nothing with my religion. And I really like no. 4 and 5. A lot people think I’m stuck up because I make the choice to close my legs for my future husband. I have nothing against people have premarital sex and I actually would not promote abstinence. Waiting, I feel, is right for me but it might not be right for someone else. I respect that. And I love sex, even if I never had it. There’s a lot of stuff I want to try and who would I trust more than my husband?

At the age of 22, i started down the wrong path, and part of that was making sure I lost my virginity. I never felt right about myself and relationships after that. I think now, years and years later, i might be able to get into a stable relationship in which my misstep would not color my and his perception of myself, but it has taken years and years to get here. That is a lot of time lost.

Perhaps it was because my mother had wished for me to remain a virgin until marriage, but I also think that most young girls who give up their virginity regret it. You just aren’t the same carefree spirit who find it effortless to get along with men as you were before. I’d just say stay strong, stay pure and love yourself enough to not try to give up your virginity but pursue your goals and love, true love, will show up.

@F@dzi3: Okaaaay…I have no idea if you’re being serious or not, so I’ll just give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are…

Actually, it says in the Bible that only God knows a person’s fate and whether or not they’re in Hell, and we are not to try and judge for ourselves, since we are not God and have no way of knowing a person’s state of mind or soul.

Thank you! I really needed this! This whole article really spoke to me, especially #1,2, and 5. I’m not that much of a religious person and most people don’t understand my decision to wait (a lot are even surprised that I’m still a virgin given my physical appearance.) But, after having both of my best friends get pregnant and have abortions by time they were 19 and seeing the depression that followed, I knew the rainbow unicorn gods were sending me a celestial sign that my celibacy was not in vain. For me, sex is a big deal. I feel like it’s basically giving a part of myself away. And with something like that, I want it to be real and honest and share it with the love of my life…only. I’m a very emotionally fragile person and going through what they went through or having numerous flings would just mess up my psyche. The possibility of getting pregnant also freaks me out a whole lot, especially when I know I am definitely NOT ready. Maybe after I finish my graduate degree and find my ‘person’…just, not now. I know abstinence isn’t for everyone, but for me, it works.

All I can say is thank you. I have been dating my bf for almost 5 years and we are waiting…I cannot tell you how many people don’t understand, judge, or ask if it is because I haven’t found the right person. I’m realizing that although it hurts when the people closest to you do not “get it” as long as you stay true to what you believe you will not be disappointed.

Everyone has their own thing and way of living life I agree but as a man ignoring sex is like setting urself up for failure. You are sheltering yourself from the real world and are just looking to get fucked over. You can wait for the right one but sex is a huge part of marriage its is intimacy and connection. If you suck at it its like not being able to be as close and as intimate with your partner. You have to know your body well. This doesn’t mean whore around but be decent at it. I believe everyone that waits till marriage does it more for religious reasons than personal preference. This just shows how much of a munipulative and powerful tool religion is. Be kind of heart, kind of mind, and loving and I’m sure you can be a better person than most of these religious fanatics on this page. Don’t blindly believe what your told to follow. Use reason and your conscience to be a good and better person. Just because you are religious doesn’t at all mean you are a nice person. That is all.

@Anonymous: You believe that “everyone that waits till marriage does it more for religious reasons than personal preference”. But there are many people who wait for non-religious reasons. We have a lot of atheist and agnostic waiters on this site alone; one of them has even written an article for the site. And I can assure you that I’m waiting till marriage for personal reasons just as much as I am for religious reasons.

It doesn’t mean your religion backward just cause you choice to not have sex and wait till you find the right guy. Marriage is a blessing and I think that those who wait are lucky to what they do when they find that right person and share everything with them then just getting laid and losing your virginity . Everyone makes their choices and you shold respect that.

I am a 24 year-old virgin and a registered nurse working at a hospital in the Philippines. I’m happy to know that millions of co-waiters still exist around the world. 🙂

Actually, I never had a boyfriend for the reason that I want my first to be my last. I’m not the type of person who just enters a romantic relationship just for the sake of it. Some people might think I’m lesbian or would even conlude that I’d die an old maid, but I don’t mind them. God knows my heart and that’s the only thing that matters. I do not criticize non-waiters though. For God gave us free will to do as we please. And as for me, I only wish to please the Lord and honor my future husband by keeping my innocence.

Waiting until marriage is painful and takes a lot of SACRIFICE and SELF-CONTROL so to speak. But imagine the pain and regret it would cost you after giving yourself away to the wrong person/s. We wouldn’t wanna go that way, would we?

I have a choice. And my choice is to wait. God will provide. In Him I trust. 🙂

I love this site, it makes me happy that I am waiting until I am married. I don’t ever want to lose my virginity outside of marriage because of the high risks of getting pregnant and getting STDs. I don’t ever want to put myself in that situation or risk ever!

I felt so much pressure in the past to lose my virginity because of the peer pressure and the fact that most of the peers at my age(I am 17 by the way) aren’t virgins and don’t believe in waiting before marriage.

Honestly I believe that waiting until you are married is better and most of the time, the guys want sex at my age not a real, long lasting relationship with committment and loyalty.

If you and your partner do decide to wait until marriage that doesn’t mean you can’t talk about sex. People who have sex before marriage learn many crucial details about their sexual preferences and needs. For people thinking about waiting physically be sure to communicate. How strong is your partners libido? How often do you expect to have sex? Are you only comfortable with “vanilla” sex or do you desire to try more things? Does your partner have any fetishes? Are you comfortable with your partner masturbating? What is your partners sexual history? These are the type of things you should discuss with your partner before you commit to a lifelong union, sexually active or not. Not knowing the basic sexual nature of your partner can result in irreconcilable incompatibility.

Also, if you are waiting because you want to have a perfect and magical marriage night you are sorely (pun not intended) mistaken. The first time you have sex and many times after that it will be slow, tedious, nervous, and awkward. Sex, like any other activity, take practice. I’m not saying that the first time can’t be pleasurable. But becoming comfortable, moving in rhythm, and experiencing pure passion takes time and lots and lots of practice.

Personally, I am glad I did not wait. Together we learned so much not just about sex, but also about our bodies and minds. I am aware of my sexuality and have a lot of pride and desire in our relationship. Even after 3 years we are still learning and exploring, becoming closer and more intimate. But there is no right way for everybody. I think there is much to be learned by waiting. Even waiting a few years or a few months can be benefitical. Whatever you want in your relationship you deserve. And there is no shame in changing your mind either way.

If you want to wait that’s great but don’t treat you virginity like a mark of purity!
Virginity only means you have never had sex before. It does not make you “pure”. And having sex does not contaminate you or ruin you. Having sex once does not mean you will have sex all the time or become a slut. I despise the terms “v card” or “staying pure” because it puts abstainers on a pedestal and lowers those who have experienced sex. Sex doesnt take anything away from you. I promise you will still be the same person. The status of being a virgin or not has nothing to do with you what kind of decisions you have made and will make in the future. Saying all virgins are ____ and all people who have sex are ____ is an unhealthy way of thinking.

I agree with you comlpletely but as most of the people cannot control their sexual desires I would recommend masturbathing is a much better idea for every time one feels the urge to engage in sex ,i watch porn whenever i feel the urge, i am 18 still a virgin.

I decided to wait at an early age because I felt pressured by a lot of people. At first I just wanted to wait until after high school but I changed my mind during college. I’ve seen how sex can alter relationships negatively and destroy people’s self esteem. I decided then that I didn’t want to just be someone’s physical conquest and another number. I just graduated from college and I’m proud I’m still a virgin. By abstaining from sex, I developed healthy relationships and focused my energy into becoming a great scholar. I’ve had desires, we all do, but I know that it just makes me stronger and that my wedding day will be that much better. Waiting isn’t easy but ultimately it will be worth it!

Hi I am 16 currently and me and my boyfriend ( also 16) have been dating for 7 months so far. We’ve talked about sex and he has said that he wants to, but not right now because he was to immature . Well I agreed with this cause I’m still too immature to have sex, but the more I’ve been thinking about it, the more I want to wait until marriage. I’ve told him but he thinks I’m joking. He keeps saying stuff like “I’m GOING to lose my virginity before I graduate” and “please don’t do this to me. I can’t make it 9 years without sex” (when I estimate that I wanna get married) and I love him to death and I don’t want to lose him but I wish he could mature a little and look past all the peer pressure and his immaturity that he’s not a “real man” unless he’s had sex by the time he graduates. He really is a great guy and he’s so respectful, he even asked my dad if he could date me, which took a lot of courage. And he loves me but I can tell that he feels trapped because he already had low self esteem and doesn’t want to be made fun of. He’s finally gained a reputation in high school and he’s best friends with the “cool people” who used to bully him in elementary school and I love that he has friends and all but I don’t know how I can convince him to think ahead and be a man and wait til marriage. We’re like the perfect couple and all I want is us to be one of those couples that are totally in sync with each other throughout our lives and totally focused TOGETHER on waiting. And our relationship I really serious, we’re not just some high school fling, we’re two hot genuine people, he just needs to grow up a bit more than he has. He treats me like a princess but he’s a bit too immature in that area. Well to me, I think. Please someone give me advice.

Well its a great site,i am happy found it..i am also virgin at my age 21 y.o for now, i never kissed, touchdown and something like that.its doesnt mean no one wanted me there is a lot of guys in my high school n college wished to date me.. But i am looking the right one eventhough i feel so hopeless and give up waiting the one who can i give all my love in my entire life..:((.

@Also waiting: I’m a 32 year old woman who is also a virgin. I’ve decided to wait until marriage not only because I want my wedding night to have real meaning, but because I believe that God has led me to this point in my life. When I was younger, my goal wasn’t necessarily to wait until marriage, but to at least wait until I fell in love. As the years have passed, love has eluded me thus far. You might think that that’s a little sad, and it is in a way. It’s a shame that I have yet to know real love, but I also think that maybe there’s a reason I have yet to find it. Maybe God knew I needed this time to figure out for myself that waiting until marriage is what’s best for me. Take comfort in knowing that He has a plan for you, just as I believe He does for all of us.

I waited until I was 18, ended up being with my boyfriend a handful of times, then stopped for the next 2.5 years until our relationship ended. During those 2.5 years, I was ALWAYS putting on the brakes. I felt like he would’ve taken me without a care if I’d caved in. I personally feel like this wore me out. Shortly thereafter, I was with a man that had only been with his ex-wife in his past…we both wanted to wait until marriage. Unfortunately, as I said, I felt like I had no strength left to wait and we both caved quickly…and it has been 5 months of doing it now. I want to stop, but it’s so hard to back up in a relationship.
I’m just afraid I’ll never meet a good man that wants to wait and will forgive me.

well i so loved this post and #5 really related to me…Been so scared to loosin ma virginity and right now Im nt sure I can still call myself a virgin…Had something to do with a guy sometime but twas my first time tho..I will really appreciate any help I can get to change my mindset because I reall want to keep it

This is actually pretty spot- on. I am agnostic and am not a fan of religion, but I’m waiting. I get hit on a LOT by guys (so… apparently I’m not ugly), but I’m waiting. I ABSOLUTELY have a sex drive; I’m an 18- year- old girl and my hormones are all over the place, but… I’m waiting. It’s not religious for me, it’s “I’ve experienced heartbreak already, and it would be 50 bajillion times worse if I had lost my virginity to him. And I just want to be with the right guy!”

We’re not all ugly, religious, libido- less people. Some of us just want to be with the right person.

Maybe someone will find this helpful. If you want more reasons to wait until marriage, watch Pam Stanzel’s videos, where she talks about STDs, peer pressure, love etc. She has videos for religious people and for non-religious(public school). The videos are good for teens and collage students. It helped me, so maybe it would help someone else. (I’m not paid or anything.) Maybe there other good speakers, but I did not find them.

Also, read this books:

“The Good Girl Revolution: Young Rebels with Self-Esteem and High Standards”,by Wendy Shalit

“Hooked: New science on how casual sex is affecting our children” by Joe S. McIlhaney and Freda McKissic Bush.

“Girls Uncovered: New Research on What America’s Sexual Culture Does to Young Women”, by McIlhaney Jr., MD, Joe; MD, Jennifer A. Shuford

“UNPROTECTED A CAMPUS PSYCHIATRIST REVEALS HOW POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IN HER PROFESSION ENDANGERS EVERY STUDENT”,by Grossman, Miriam

“Unhooked Generation”,by Straus, Jillian

“Guyland- The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men”,by Michael Kimmel

“Sex Smart: 501 Reasons to Hold Off on Sex: A Sexuality Resource for Teenagers”

“Nobody Told Me: What You Need to Know About the Physical and Emotional Consequences of Sex Outside of Marriage”,by Stenzel, Pam; Nesdahl, Melissa. (Gospel Light, good reasons thou).

I read all this books and they are really good. I hope someone would find them useful as well.
Good luck.

(P.S I am sorry if my English is not perfect. It is my second language. I’m still learning)

I am 30 and still holding out for my husband! I take care of my body, am very attractive, and do not have an absent sex drive by any means. I love myself and really care about waiting. I know God loves me and has kept me strong to do this, I want this. It’s so easy to be like everyone else but I’m not everyone else; I’m me. I don’t judge non waiters but I have yet to see one that doesn’t have a lot of pain from choosing not to wait. When I have told people, I find that they are really inspired. I’ve been viewed negatively for it for sure, but u have to consider the source of these comments. I am not religious; I have a relationship with The Lord.
I have been really hurt with past relationships and I’m so glad I didn’t give in to sex or it would’ve been way worse. I e recently read “pink lips and empty hearts” — great read!! I recommend to anyone who is waiting that loves God. Thank you for this link!!

And to those that are attacked & just starting out on this journey: for all the people you meet that won’t understand, remember that it just takes that one special person to make it worth your while!! 🙂

Halo, Mike grate article! It is so true! I do not believe I am ugly but also not gorgeous. Sleeping around only brings problems in peoples lives like STD’s. I am a christian and the bible say because of temptation every man can take a wife and every women a man and they become one.So if you think about it: every time you sleep with someone you give a little peace of yourself to them(you are only meant to give yourself to the one husband you choose.It is also suppose to be a sine of love for your spouse and he/she will feel very loved if they know they are worth waiting for.And think how wonderful making love with the love of your life will be if he/she is your first(you are theirs)+love(clean,pure,committed love)+ build up tension= an amazing love bomb! All the “sexual compatible” excuses are just dumb because if you waited(build up tension) and it is the person you love and married then way on earth will you not fit together!!! Bless al you strong waiters out there and I know you will fiend your perfect spouse! 🙂

I do not mean to offend anyone but I feel really sorry for the people who do not wait because they do not know what they have actually done or are doing.:(

There are so many reasons to not have sex before marriage and there is a lot of privileges and benefits for those who do wait.I know I am very happy and grateful that I did and will wait.

If you did make the mistake of having sex it is not to late. It is better to make the decision to stop than to never stop.If you are not in a religion it is still the best decision to wait because later in life you can change and become religious and you will have to carry the regrets of all the wrong you have done.

… I’m amazed at how many of these “waiters” think they are so much better than everyone who hasn’t waited. I have done NOTHING wrong by having sex before marriage, and I haven’t ever once regretted it. It’s awesome that you guys want to save yourselves for whoever the love of your life might be, but you’re not special because of it. You don’t want anyone labeling you, so don’t label others either.

@Melissa – Which waiters? If you’re looking at the comment threads on this site, there’s probably a certain degree of “rah-rah waiters!” going on, but that’s to be expected given the supportive nature of the site. But you’re right that some waiters do feel better-than. I think this superiority complex flares and fades with age. Waiters sometimes react to their feelings of loneliness and insecurity by over-compensating with superiority.

The thought process usually goes like this: Nobody else is waiting but me > I feel so alone but I want to wait > The rest of the world is just immoral > I’m better. What’s wrong with everybody else? Damn them for their casual approach to sex.

You can see how loneliness starts the chain of thinking that leads to the superior attitudes that everybody hates. I think 90% of that superiority complex is a cry for validation. So I guess what I’m saying is: Pity the waiter who thinks he’s better, because he’s in a dark place. Or maybe he’s just young, or otherwise immature.

I am 50 and never kissed or touched a girl let alone had sex
Abd it does not bother me at all.
I enjoy being free in my thoughts and free from selfish empty desires.
So called “sex drive” is a myth
My body does not control me
Only animals are driven by their bodies.
The first and most important Question is do you want to be a Father/Mother
Only when a man and woman love their children more than eachother
Will they be able to love eachother.
The greatest Love is the Love of a Father or Mother to their Child
Sex without Children is a contradiction and a empty selfish
Dead end and like a form of suicide for your own Soul.
Even as a little child i thought how stupid people must be
To use Contraception
I thought as a Child why do they have Sex at all
If they do not want a baby?
And my childish thought was compketely right.
Its only the non virgins who should have regrets and feel ashamed.
If you are not prepared to love someone forever
Then why give them your Soul for a empty cheap hour in Bed?
Those that jump into bed with someone are just like cheap prostitutes
Who sell their Soul for free.
No one would marry a stranger right away
Its much much more mad to have sex with someone before marriage
You are in endeffect marrying them through sex
With no gaurantee of true love
I an very grateful i never sold my soul for a cheap night of sexual emptiness
It wouuld have enslaved me for my whole life
Its much easier as a Virgin to be free from so called “sex drive”
Non virgins are not free from their desires
Non virgins are the true “Losers”

I’m an 18 year old girl who is constantly grilled by my roomates about this issue. I’ve always wanted to wait but only recently after witnessing my good friend get used by this guy who happened to have a girlfriend of 4 years, I’ve decided to completely wait until I’m married. They ask me “what’s wrong with you?” Or tell me to “have fun getting cheated on” because my future husband will have to find an alternative to our “boring” sex because I’ll be so inexperienced. I’ve let it tear me down somewhat in the past but now I am so glad with my decision. It’s refreshing to see an article like this. It makes me happy to read this and the comments.

I’m 20 years old. I’m a Virgin. I’ve had serious relationships and dating that hasn’t worked out because of the way I am. I feel like I get put down for being classy. If someone liked me for who I am before knowing my business then that shouldn’t change. It’s hard to get close to anyone anymore because they only listen to what society has become and it’s hard to put up with it makes me upset. and makes me feel hopeless to find someone that will understand and love me for who I am. I’m not waiting for marriage but I’m waiting for the rite person for me.

This makes a great point, but WAKE UP, WOULD YOU? I mean seriously I showed this to my friends who ages 13-16 and warned them about pregnancy and STD they went and fucked the first guy they saw. I was like WTF man!!!!! BTW im 13

Amazing article Mike! Well I am 20 years old, and although I have not waited as long as some people that have commented (26, etc.), I know that I will continue to. It honestly is so misinterpreted in the society and so RARE. I actually keep pretty quiet about my decision to be abstinent and only few very close friends and family know. I know that I am attractive and would have no problem in having sex if I WANTED to. Now, with that being said, I there are always temptations. However, at the back of my mind, I value and honor this choice I’ve made and until I meet the man I am meant to be with and marry, I will not have sex. There is just so much beauty behind waiting to consummate a marriage. Oh and most importantly, I was in a relationship where I broke up with him because he did not fully agree with my decision to remain abstinent until marriage. As much as I respected his views, he did not accept mine as he tried to persuade me that there would be no guy out there that would wait that long AND remain faithful. Of course this made me pretty upset but I still truly believe that I will meet someone that will adore me for my patience and honor my decision. After all, why would anyone not feel special if your loved one waited that long to have sex with you and only you? To all the waiters out there, your choice is what makes you special and just know that anyone that does not value this accomplishment, does not deserve you! Thanks again, Mike! (:

Thank you, your article has helped me realize a lot about myself. For awhile I’ve been thinking that there is something wrong with me with wanting to wait… Many family members have called me prude for wanting to wait Til marriage and I’m glad that you shed a little light on the subject.

nyz.article…i too think the same..i value sex as so special and holy..im still a virgin and im 22 years old..i ve been in a relation for four years and cant stop think of him apart from me.. i want to stick to my decision. but though he loves me so much..he is telling he cant wait..it was he who first talked to me of staying a virgin until marriage if we r so sure of getting married.but now when time changed he cant wait..he want to make it happen..my resistance is now the major problem in our relation..but i still believe in his past words…it s ruining our relation now.. 🙁

As a 27 year old virgin i realize the more i remain a virgin the better and honestly if your’re a virgin like me in your 20’s don’t be ashamed. At least you’re playing it smart unlike the teens who act like dumbasses. Seriously why do people in society feel its ok to make fun of virgin’s its like Fuck the non-virgins who make fun of us.

OMG #3 is what my mom always says but she’s so f*ing wrong, seriously, if she really knew me as well as she thinks she does, she would know that #3 is the exact opposite of me and my… “drive”– I will probably be a crazy sex addict after marriage because of my emotional and physical addiction to sensual gratification (sight, sound, scent, taste, touch, supernatural intuition / premonitions / etc). I have to be very careful who I finally decide to become sexually addicted to one day… cause once I’m on that drug of sex… it will most certainly consume me in an intensely over-whelming obsession of uncontrollable passion that will completely own me and dominate every thought and move I make… lol ^_^ … 🙂 … :/ … 😉 … 😀

But when ppl don’t understand something, even if they’re the closest ones to you, they still just put you in a stereotyped misconception just so they can categorize you in a way they can understand. But my parents were never married and my mom never committed to another man because she was so in love with my dad even long after he died, and their choices are why I grew up without a dad and I will *NEVER* put my future kids through that.

Either I will raise my kids in the best home possible– or I won’t bother to bring any new life into this God-forsaken world at all. It’s already hard enough to teach spiritual, physical, mental, emotional and moral intelligence to yourself and those you care about in a sick society and perverted trashy pop culture that completely lacks it. Why would I stress myself out more doing it as a single parent or with a husband who sucks as a father because he sucks as a man, but oh he’s so hot and great in bed?

What the f*ck is being great in bed gonna do to raise our kids right and make sure we contribute POSITIVE life and a lasting legacy of INTELLIGENCE to this world, not negative life and a statistical legacy of animalistic stupidity to this world? I don’t care how great he is in bed. That can be learned. I care if he is a man that I can respect and raise kids with. Because if I can’t morally, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually respect and trust him– our kids won’t either.

Because kids are more spiritually intuitive than adults and they know when something is morally wrong. Amorality is learned, unless you are a sociopath. We may be born into sin, but we are born with a moral compass ingrained into us at birth. It is society and family and other things in life that distract us off that path. So yeah, any way… I love this article! It’s always delightful to find out that you’re not crazy hahaha 😉 Godspeed my loves! Godspeed haha! 😀

Im 20 virgin girl..
Thank u so much guys I love this article ..good to know that im not fighting alone btw theres nothing wrong with being virgin at all and im proud of it and proud of every guy and girl on this site
Goodluck everyone ♥♡♥

I just seen this site in the year 2014 of July, after browsing some articles referencing whether or not women are considered sluts/whores after being with a certain amount of f men in their lives. I am a born-again virgin as it is known in the Christian community, I’ve been abstinent for up to 20 years or a bit longer since losing my virginity at an early age to an older boy who was a teen at the time. I plan to wait until marriage before I give myself up to sex with my one and only. I don’t have kids and I’m a college graduate looking for a job related to my major. I am now 36 years old going on 37 years old by the end of the year 2014. Congrats to all on this forum board who have the strength to hold on to all plans in life including chastity until marriage. Good day all!

This is amazing! To read that there are so many others feeling and thinking the same way. Thank you, for sharing your thoughts! I realize that the fact that I mostly just THINK about men and relationships, enables me to develop a clearer idea of what I want in my life- not being blind folded by emotions. I regard myself as a kind of “conservative feminist”, which to my definition means, that I fight for the right NOT to have sex with everyone and proudly follow the path I chose. And I feel that my self-esteem, my confidence and strengh is raising with every encounter I have with men, because I feel that they treat me with respect. The funny thing is, that most of the men I met, did not even know about my choice, because I don’t talk about it with many people. However, they did not try to get physically near me (- which was definitely not a sign of low-level-attraction). It was just that we met on a different level and developed a wonderful, strong connection mentally. I can be sure that they liked me and spent time with me because they were fascinated by my personality and this is a great feedback. It is said that when people lose one of their senses, other senses are improving and I have the feeling that the decision, not to use sex as a tool to connect with men, made me get more creative in the use of other “means”, like for example wit or empathy. Thanks, Mike for the great article! I am a good example and backup, because fulfill non of the stereotypes you revealed as obviously wrong. Thats why most people do not assume, that I am a waiter. To my mind, to clear up with these prejudices and show that we are “normal”, is another step of reducing social criticism and pressure. I hope that I can stick to my decision. 🙂

Im 19 years old and I’m waiting till I’m married to have my first sex with a girl. The problem with todays society is that it is fine to have sex or to stay virgin. Personally I think it is personal Preference. the problems I started to face is the fact that i keep on dreaming about sex and I have the urge to feel how it feels to have sex. Face it masturbating can only take you that far.

I really find it hard not to break that promise and I really want to wait.

If someone has a comment please feel free to speak. I really want to know what I should do.

thanks for this article . i am a hindu and 27 and still waiting .such article brings positivity for those who keeps high morality in life and it also brings us close to our roots of ethics and religion i am wiating just because i want to be honest for my life partner although i had lot of apportunities for having sex thans again

your so ‘hot’ how are you a virgin! People are soo shallow nowadays. Attraction is important, yes. But Lust is a temporary desire, Love is eternal.

Society is trying to manipulate us into sexual immortality. Open your eyes, respect yourself, control you mind. Dont give in to short term pleasure. In the end you will regret it, I havent met one person who didnt regret it. Its like eating a donut when your on a diet, sure it was nice. But was it really worth it?

Think things through, take time to understand yourself completly, control yourself completly, then LOVE yourself. Then life/God will bring you a person you deserve. You will be ready then, and have a steady relationship built on trust.

80% marriages end in divorce! If people controlled their urges, and waited till marriage. Then, it would be special. They would TRUST eachother, which is one of the most important things in a relationship. Its proof of real love. Self control needs to be learned, theres a lack of it nowadays.

A basic relationship nowadays: (sad but true)

A person likes what they see, so they obviously flirt in an open manner, showing no signs of self respect.(eg. breaking touch barrier, kissing)Other person sees this a chance. Lust becomes so strong, they end up having sex. Person feels thats all they can offer and start to get insecure as the person doesnt know them in a deeper level. So they feel bad, And keep giving in to make the relationship work. Other person might leave as they got what they wanted, and cheat for some new excitment. Or may stick around for status (for the sake of having a girlfriend/boyfriend). No connections involved. Easy come easy go.
Person needs non stop reassurance, that they are good enough etc. (why? Because they dont understand or love themselves completly, and rely on another person to do it for them) aka to fill that gap. They get clingy and jelous, person gets sick of it and becomes distant (thats if they stayed with them).

So brothers and sisters, control your lives! Even if your not a virgin, control your anger. Control you! No one can be you, this all relates to you. Your will power. Take time to meditate and look after yourself. Dont wait for someone to fill a gap in your life. I am rambling now but,its important, the new world order is closer then ever!

Repent your sins! Resist all temptation, may you be all be God blessed<3

To all my male brothers in Christ, take it from someone who has made bad choices. Follow Paul’s advice. Beat your flesh (not literally) into submission to Christ because “it is good to not touch a woman”. I would also take it to the next level. We have reasonable evidence that Paul was not married at the time he wrote his advice to the Corinthians. Get your hearts and mind and bodies in check with the Spirit and DO NOT MARRY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. The risks vs. the rewards in marriage today for men are entirely too high. A previous poster said “Love is eternal”. If he/she was talking about marriage, they are completely incorrect. Look at any relationship. Women get to decide to when the relationship begins and when it ends….and they all DO end. God’s love is the only eternal love. Just because you wait till marriage does NOT guarantee in any way that she isn’t going to change her mind at some point and decide she’s had enough. The feminist movement has bled over now into Christian circles with this “Jesus Feminist” garbage. When she changes her mind, she gets to leave with her stuff AND yours. DO NOT MARRY….REMAIN PURE.

I luv everyone who had sincerely xpress their thought god bless u richly n give u ur dream partner for waiting it is a(sacrifice n determination dat will brina reward frm god) although am not surprise wen some ppl said dey feel they were d only one waitin becos it is very rare in our modern world to fish out 5 out of 10 teens as a virgin though some lost it due to carelessness,sexul urge and experiment,never d less am a christian into my ealy 20s(male) having much problem wth sexual urge n temptation of sex with god helping to have been able to prevail all dis years till now ..like i said earlier am not surprise becos right frm my secondary sch days have promise or vow to god n myself not to defied myself till i marrid even if all my mate decide i don’t get nervous or inconvinience, And i see it working. But note dat not everyone will edure it till d end some wil still do becos of pressure. Also note dat d devil is at work seekin whom to devour by bringing evil thought n using of friends becos not confessing as a virgin n feel everything wil go well absolute no. one ur body language n other sexul stresses becos for me i don’t find it funny atimes i feel like giving up becos of pressure,distraction,sexul urge,n temptation.but yet i don’t give up. I have no problem with masturbation becos to many its relieve their urge and avoid adultery n fornication n no biblical evidence. Up virgins it is a pride,up non virgins and abstain frm sex til dat special day it is also a pride. I luv u all.

None of this makes any sense, you are putting people through unnecessary bullshit with waiting. Not to mention all of the unknown variables that could potentially break a relationship. Waiting until marriage for sex is by far the most conjectural practice of this day and age. You people are just trying to be all high and mighty when really, (and we all know this) you are taking a big and totally unneeded gamble with waiting until marriage to have sex.

To everyone on here who said they’re waiting, I’m proud of you. I chose to lose my virginity at 15, and while I don’t regret it, I wonder what it would’ve been like to wait and make that connection with a husband. I think it is great that you all are sticking to your morals and values and you should all be proud of yourselves and anyone who says otherwise can honestly just leave this site because if that’s how they feel, they shouldn’t be on it. I’m proud of you all.

I pity All those who are non waiters or even proud Of not waiting Most especially, because The truth Is That i have never seen any who hasnt regret it, i hear Most Of those grown up women who were non waiters saying if they had known they would have waited and gone for The One who would Love them for who they are.
The truth Is That devil has deceived so many pple Dat dey do not know whats wrong and Right, they may think nothing would happen to them but The truth Is Dat ”what you sow, you shall reap” :Your hubby may cheat on you, BEAT you or GOD may not allow it to work out.
Though i MYSELF too dnt claim to b d Most holy Of All but i pity those non waiters and respect The virgins to b sincere.
Cuz what The devil gives he shall Take BACK, but what GOD has given and joined together shall be fruitful and let no Man put assunder or shall be destroyed by GOD himself.
So kudos to The virgins, Respect, Blessed and peace.

pity All those who are non waiters or even
proud Of not waiting Most especially, because
The truth Is That i have never seen any who
hasnt regret it, i hear Most Of those grown up
women who were non waiters saying if they had
known they would have waited and gone for The
One who would Love them for who they are.
The truth Is That devil has deceived so many
pple Dat dey do not know whats wrong and
Right, they may think nothing would happen to
them but The truth Is Dat ”what you sow, you
shall reap” :Your hubby may cheat on you, BEAT
you or GOD may not allow it to work out.
Though i MYSELF too dnt claim to b d Most holy
Of All but i pity those non waiters and respect
The virgins to b sincere.
Cuz what The devil gives he shall Take BACK,
but what GOD has given and joined together
shall be fruitful and let no Man put assunder or
shall be destroyed by GOD himself.
So kudos to The virgins, Respect, Blessed and
peace.

dear my brothers and sisters in my school i’m hated by boys the reason is I haven’t started dating i’m scared of boys I support the reason that I will wait till marriage I love this article big tym.I know that one day the lord will bless me with the kind of husband of my type many guys that have approached me they are not my type they after my beauty and my hot body but not what is inside the true me.A GUY SHOULD NOT LOVE YOUR OUTSIDE APPEARANCE BUT YOUR INSIDE THE TRUE YOU YOUR
INNER BEAUTY WHICH IS YOUR HEART♡And i’m also a virgin

Thanks so much for this! I’m a 19-year-old college student in California, and I keep pretty quiet about my abstinence. I’ve dated a little but haven’t been treated very well a few of the men I’ve been with. Half of them were cool with me being abstinent but weren’t right for other reasons, and the other half would try to coerce me into having sex with them. I never bit. I’m an honors student studying biochemistry and have a pretty active social life, but of the few friends I do tell about being abstinent, I’m not always accepted. Sometimes they tell me things like “Oh, you’ll change your mind,” or “I worry about you. You won’t find anyone but fundies.” I’m Catholic but also very liberal, and I’m not abstinent for religious reasons at all. It’s just a personal conviction that I feel really strongly about. However, it hurts when I’m told that I’ve been broken up with because I’m abstinent. Sometimes it makes me feel like everyone will view me as a prude, when I’m not at all that way. (In fact, my sister enjoys casual sex, and I don’t judge her at all for it. She even trusts me enough to confide in me about her experiences.) I guess it’s just hard because I’m at such crossroads- being liberal and abstinent, I feel like I might never find a moderate guy that wouldn’t mind waiting for me. I know it’s probably my anxiety going crazy, or the fact that I’ve had some bad experiences with real jerks, but how can I overcome these fears?

Thanks for reading. I love this website and wish you all the best of luck in finding true love! 🙂

I”m at a loss here. My ex and I recently broke up. Not because of the lack or sex. We are both catholic. Roman Catholic. In fact, my father is a married roman catholic priest. (NO THAT IS NOT A LIE!)

My ex has severe OCD, and the biggest thing he was obsessing over was he was “confused about his sexuality”. LIterally, the last thing he said to me 5 min before we broke up was “I guess I”m gay” Well, we all knew/know that he’s not. It’s a severe form of OCD called SOOCD, Sexual Orientation Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Now we’re 14 years apart, me being the older one. When we met, it was his extreme maturity and intellegence that REALLY attracted me to him, but he was a virgin. I obviously did not know this when we first met.

Then, one night things happened and he knew in his heat that I was the one. Not just to share that sexual intimacy with, but the one he wanted to marry. So over the next 11ish months, we made love almost every day, sometimes 2-4 times a day. And it was the best sex I had ever had. Techincally speaking. HONEST TO GOD! He always pleased me etc etc. Now the sexual confusion REALLY message up our realtionshpi and he ended it this year on December 1. Breaking my heart. I told him, 3 stikes you’re out. Because This was now the 3rd time we had broken up because of this.

So he started seeing this “therapist” that his mother found. She was doing it for free? I had my reservations about it specially since they’re first meeting was at a McDonalds. Now along with a Masters in Theology, my dad, (who is a married RC Priest) also has a Masters in Psychology and is LIcensed to perform psychotherapy sessions.

The next thing I know, my ex and I are talking and it’s all GOD GOD GOD JESUS JESUS JESUS. That’s literally all he speaks about. Now his OCD has turned him to his faith. And one thing he said to me which worried me was “I don’t belie in BEING gay anymore” He didn’t say ” I don’t believe I’M gay”, he said “I don’t believe in BEING gay”. There is a HUGE difference. But I know it’s the OCD talking and not him. Because when he was on his medication, and seeing his psychiatrist, things were pretty good. Oh, I need to mention here, that back in August of 2014 his Psychiatrist decided to go on Maternity leave, and leave all her patients in Psychiatric limbo, with no new dr. So he was off his meds, and with no dr from August until now. His first appt with his NEW psychiatrist was the 17th of December 2014.

So this new psychotherapist hes seeing is Catholic as well. And instead of telling him what she feels he needs to work on like regular things to get to the root of his OCD issues, she starts preaching to him that he needs to tell me that he needs to take a break from us to “rebuild” (she didn’t know at this time that we had broken up because he never told her that in the “session”). And when he told her about the gay thoughts, he asked her if they were ok. Well duh! You ask any religious fanatic that and they’ll say no. So of course she said no. And then she starts telling him he has to pray this prayer and that prayer and go to confession and all this religious “homework” to do and etc etc etc. His parents are FUMING about this because one of the things I had to deal with when we were dating was him flipping from being obsessed about his sexuality, to being obsessed with his religion and faith, to the point where he stopped going to work, stopped school, stopped EVERYTHING (he was going to an adult education centre to upgrade some marks for University, which he in turn is no longer doing either), She has told him that sex before marriage is a sing and he has to stop blah blah blah. I know for a fact that premarital sex is NOT a sin. All it says in the bible, if you want to get freaking techinical, is that is SHOULD be shared with a husband and wife. I could get into specifics but I dont’ have time for that. SO now, he’s professed to me that he doesn’t believe in being gay anymroe and he’s decided to be abstinent in our relationship. Oh he had a revelation one night that I”m his “one true love….and he saw marriage in this vision….” That’s all honky dory happy, but wtf do I do about this abstinant bs. I’m sorry but we talked marriage, mention it to his mother, 2 days later he’s moving out. saying he’s not well in the head, (his ocd) and that his’ not well enough to make those rash decisions. THen his mother calls me and tells me the EXACT SAME THING. So I knew that what he was feeding me (telling me) was the bs being spewed from his mothers mouth. It’s all so frustrating. Some people call it sex. I call it making love. Because when you are in a committed loving relationship with someone, (I’m 37 btw, he’s 23) I feel that the sexual intimacy should be allowed to be shared between those two people. Heck my father is a preist for crying out loud and he doesn’t condemn me! Why should every one else.

But the problem I have is that sex has always been an important part of my relationships, specially with him, and now he’s just ripping it away. I’m having a REALLY, for lack of a better term f***ing hard time dealing with this. I have ended relationships before because of things like this. I even told him that if he had told me at the beginning of the relaionship that he had planned on saving it for marriage, I would have been perfectly fine with that. But he didn’t. and his reasoning for that is “I wasn’t one with God at that time…I was only acting on my urges….I was a sinner…blah blah blah”. Like I”m not kidding, all he does right now all day is this HOMEWORK this religious quack of a therapist told him to do. Pray. Church. COnfessions. It’s brutal. Even my father, who DOES psychotherapy is REALLY concerned about this Therapist that he’s getting “help” from. His parents, particularly his mother, are FUMING. And it’s becaues they feel she’s feeding/enabling his OCD obsessions (his newest one again being the religion)

What do I do? I’m feeling this could kill our relationship that he’s trying to work on so he can come back to me fully healed etc etc?

My fiance and I have both decided to wait and are both in our mid twenties. Our wedding night will be very special, not because the sex will be great, but because everything that we will have experienced sexually we will share together. Unfortunately my fiance is very uncomfortable with the topic of sexuality and our friends are under the impression that we haven’t had sex because he is too afraid It’s incredibly disrespectful and demeaning. I wish at this point that they would just ask why we have decided to wait instead of making assumptions and sly, rude remarks. We are supposed to live in an age of sexual liberation, a society where people are able to make their own decisions on sex and not be judged for it. We are respectful of our friends sexual expression and I wish we were afforded the same courtesy.

Where are my people with Asperger’s Syndrome like me. I’m a 28 year old virgin and happy i found this site. Sry to say this but we virgins are purer than our younger non-virgin friends. We all should talk because we are the reasons that we’ll all find that special someone we’ll spend our life with.

Since young teens are dumb as F**k they can’t hold it together. I admit i was made fun of but all of the people who made fun of me are young parents with NO education. What a F**k load of morons. Pardon the profanity ladies but i’ve needed to get this out for so long. We are the smart ones wit a stronger conscious mind.i admit i’m purer as a virgin but when it comes to Rage, and jealousy i’m not as pure.

Thanks for this article. I often feel like a mythical creature. I don’t know many almost 30 year old virgins. Yes it is lonely, and often difficult when it comes to being in any type of realationship/friendships especially when discussing sex, you never know what to say. One misconception is virgins don’t have experience, just because you abstained from sexual intercourse of any kind doesn’t mean you are uneducated about the matter.

I also hate all that meaningless advice people give single virgins like your time will come, be patient. Seriously what do you think I have been doing all these years, if there is something all virgins have in common is patients.

This is seriously the stupidest article I’ve ever read. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to have sex with numerous of men who wanted me throughout high school and even in college now, but guess what? I have moral and standards. Most of all, I’m classy and not trashy as you want your wife to be. OH! LET ME NOT FORGET! I’m also waiting till marriage to have my first kiss as well, just because I highly believe in waiting till marriage to because emotionally connected as well, I guess that means that I’m really ugly right? Even though I’ve won 6 out of 8 modeling competitions, right? Just because I choose to respect myself and my body, unlike you, doesn’t make a difference in anything. And if you’re wanting your future wife to have your same views, that just means you’re getting some guys sloppy seconds. Or should I say some MEN’s sloppy seconds? If anything, I highly suggest you get tested for STDs. Thanks for the article though!

@Angelyn: I’m not sure why you thought the article was stupid. Everything you’ve just said in your comment is exactly what the article was saying. It IS a myth that people who wait till marriage are doing so because they have no offers for sex. It IS a myth that people who wait till marriage are ugly losers.

I don’t know, maybe you were being sarcastic, and I’m just not getting it.

This is so true.
I am 16 and have a christian conviction, I have a very high view of sex, it is one of the most exciting things God has given to us in this life.
God has miraculously saved me from my porn addiction, which was making me want to have pre-marital sex, but now I am 100% certain I will wait till marriage with God’s help.
I also would like to marry a virgin too, because in my head it makes sense that if you marry someone who has slept with loads of people, why will they suddenly stop that because they have married you..
I know there is a girl out there for me, but praise God I am no longer desperate to get married just so I can have sex, as that is a bad trap to fall into, I will wait till I know I have found the one God wants me to marry.
And we can give each other every part of our lives including our virginity.

It began for as a religious choice and being overly romantic finding the one then also a feminist point, so as to say “We aren’t just little see things to be used and discarded when you’re done with us(as a woman)”. At 22 I don’t need validation from anyone never have as proud as I am to still have my V-card I don’t judge those who don’t it’s not my place. Live and let live

This article made me so happy for awhile I started thinking I was the only one waiting and that I’d pretty much be alone forever because so many people just casually sleep around now in days. After reading these comments though I feel less alone 🙂

I’m a man that just got out of high school. Im only 19, and yes, I’m waiting. I made the decision a very long time ago, even though I’ve been tempted, I’ve stuck with it. None of my friends believe in this and I’m the only virgin I know. It makes life a little bit harder not knowing anyone else that agrees with what I believe in, so this article really helped. Most of my friends sleep around and then wonder why they’re single and miserable all the time. I don’t want a relationship that’s just based on sex. I want something deep and emotional, I want to have a real connection. I’ve been tempted to give up, I’ve gotten some incredibly tempting propositions before, but I’m glad I never gave in. Choosing to wait until marriage is the best thing I’ve ever done because when it finally does happen, it’s going to be that much better. It’s going to be that much more special to be with only the one person.
One thing I did want to mention about this article is the religious aspect. I’m planning on waiting until marriage and I’m not religious in any way. I didn’t make the decision to wait based on any religion, I didn’t make the decision to wait because someone told me I should. Sex is something that’s incredibly personal and incredibly intimate. Showing that you’re willing to wait and you’re willing to postpone that satisfaction until you find the right person is one of the best things you can do. It shows a massive amount of respect for both yourself and for the person you’re finally with.
As i was going through high school, I started to think I was the only one out there that believed in waiting until marriage; I thought for sure I was the only one left. Everyone around me slowly started to pair off until I was the only virgin I knew. People started getting more open and more willing to talk about it as well. Talking talk about who slept with who and who’s done what; it got disheartening. I started to feel more and more alone. Finding this article restored some of the hope I have for the future.
Thank you.

Really nice article! Am 25, male and have a girlfriend 19. How can I convince her to keep her virginity till we get married. I have tried much, but looks like her friends are pussy her hard to give up ‘ cos she keeps asking me to take her virginity, taking about how good her friends say it feels. Please help!

Well I’ve read a few of these comments and I would like to say at 14 I made my decision to wait why? Bc i have a realtionship with Him and my mother from a young age didn’t want me to be like evryone else and suffer the pain I see in most of my peers eyes I feel for them all the time and most people older than me many church people! :0 what!! Church people don’t always follow rules im,not a Mr goody 2 shoes I love all them and respect ANYONE and Don’t care if you have slept with any one! I love you for who you are! And young person reading this post I know its hard but I believe it will be worth it I was the only 1 in my school who was a virgin and still am 23yr old man who people always said I look like Robert Patterson but it’s Kool I have had many request by lovely ladies and women cougars and the likes of very pretty women and I’m social when I want to be im kinda shy Lolz but don’t be fooled cause it’s Kool hang in there! Ps back story sorry my own bio father never there 4 me growing up and I knw who he is now and I asked him how many women you have been with since I was born he said around 2,000 and I kw it cause we drove by houses of women he was with months ago so ya another reason why I wait cause it’s a promise I made 2 myself Him and my future wife I’ve been praying everyday since I was 14! So ya I have faith you lovely people will achieve your needs in Jesus Name amen! 😉 have a blessed day!

I do think it’s important to bring up that no matter what decision you make regarding sex, it is each person’s individual choice and freedom to choose their sexual lives. A lot of these stereotypes go both ways. There are plenty of sexually active unmarried men and women that is meaningful and within the bounds of a committeed relationship. Also, only 3 percent of the US population waits until marriage. This by no means is an indicator that the other 97% or Americans are any better or worse than “waiters.” The bottom line is that we need to respect each other no matter what our sexual decisions are, and we need to properly educate kids (with scientifically correct information) about how to make healthy, safe decisions with their own sexual lives.

I’m 24 and my husband and I waited until marriage for sex. I made a “pledge” when I was 14.
Let me tell you, it was one of the hardest but best decisions I ever made and it was 100% worth it. Hands down. Five stars. Two thumbs up.

I just want to address one more “myth” that I have encountered:
“What if you get married and you find out you’re not sexually compatible?”

Firstly, my husband is the only man I’ve been with. It is literally impossible for me to compare him or rank him sexually. I don’t know if he is “big” or “small”, or how he “performs” next to others – I just know that I love him and I love having sex with him. My husband is the best lover I’ve ever had and he’s the only lover I’ve ever had! I have no reason to feel dissatisfied!
Secondly, nobody is born a skilled lover. It’s something you learn. We learned to be lovers to each other, together. It was and is fun. He is the only man I have learned to please, and I am the only woman he has learned to please. We get to explore and discover sexuality in its fullness together.
Thirdly, just because people wait until marriage to have sex does not mean they do not discuss sex before then! It is important to talk about it! The more “serious” your relationship is, the more depth these conversations should have.
What do you believe about birth control? How often do you ideally want to have sex? What do you think about oral sex? What do you think about sex toys? What do you think about role play? That’s just the tip of the iceberg!
Lastly, I hate the implications of this question. So you’ve found “the one,” the person you’ve been looking for your whole life, your soulmate, your best friend, your other half, your romantic compliment… But because they aren’t the “best” (or near the “best”) sex you’ve ever had, you’re going to pass them by? How sad is that…

I am going to wait for marriage before i have sex not because i am ugly,stuck-up or anything like that.

My goal is not to make people feel bad but to just get some people to understand.

People want to wait for different reasons and the choise to wait has a lot of benefits.

1)When you wait you limit your chance of getting diseases by a lot because some people are not even aware that they have a disease because some STD’s are hard to notise even with tests.
2) If you find out you have a STD and there is no cure you won’t be able to have sex ever again ( if you’re a good person who does not want to infect others)
3) if your STD can not be cured then you can not have children…..,. And so on…
4) most people who wait marries someone because they love them and not just to get “permission” to have sex.and like scarlet said you learn how to… You get to practice, practice, practice…. 😉
5) their future partner does not have the fear of being compared to anyone else, they can just be themselves and have fun.
6) waiting for some is a way of showing their respect and love… It’s like saying:” I love you and never made love with anyone before you and I respect you, your special and worth waiting for. ”
7) it makes most a better person because you start to think about your partner, so when you are married to the person you love then you do not just focus on what you want and what you get but you want to make your spouse
happy. Not just in the bedroom.
8) If you wait to have sex then you get to know someone as a person and love him/her for the person they are. The sex is a way to enjoy the love with one person.
9) We know that the men and women we meet will be someone else’s wife/husband and is someone’s son/daughter. We do not want anyone to use our future spouse or children for ” a moment of fun” when they can have a fantastic future.
10) when you wait you give your marriage a great start, you avoid most insecurities because you and your spouse do not have to worry about being compared to anyone (and people who do this… Not cool!!) you and your spouse are on the same level and get to learn what the other likes and dislike.

So sorry if people that did not wait think we are stuck-up or that we are labeling them, most of the time it is not meant in a bad way its more like we do not understand why people can hurt themselves and other in such a way.just like people that did not wait can’t understand how we are not participating in such a wonderful activity…. And it is wonderful but only if it is enjoyed with your spouse.

People may not believe it or choose to ignore it but premarital sex have a big and bad influence in many lives.

You can laugh, be angry or irritated but please remember it is not to late to choose to chage……

Thanks Mike for the site because it helps people in more ways than one, so thanks for having the courage to create this and may your site reach more and more people every day…… <3 sisterly love

I have a grl bt she dificult when it comes to sex issues i have tried but she has girl power in her and yet she has also change my life,,,.,, hope her parents wll allow me in there family an only 20 at the univesity

This is so weird… girls who are introduced to sex earlier are much better lovers, have less trouble climaxing and are not hung up about enjoying sex and doing it often! Our society is so obsessed with waiting and not enjoying sex that it just seems nuts to me! Sex is a great thing. Everyone should be doing it as often as possible! Stop worrying about STD’s and pregnancy, use protection and get out there and do it every chance you can!!!

When you are younger, your sex drive is much stronger and the love feeling is so much stronger. If you wait, you will miss out on that first love sex. I sure did and regret it. I’m in my 60’s so I know what I’m talking about. I wish I had known about birth control pills at 14.

I am 27 and virgin. I grew up in religious family and learn how it is important to stay virgin until the marriage. When I was 20 I engaged with a guy and he did not respect me at all. I mean he was really awful to me. I am only happy that I did not lose my virginity and learned that I am saving my virginity not so someone but for myself! I decided to not marry to anyone and just have a calm and nice life. So, it’s your body and your decision!

I’m now 30 I feel I will never meet anyone and the older I wait the harder it will be to discuss with a man. He will make fun of me. I feel so ubnormal no one wants me now I’m too old for marriage all the men are going to think my eggs are all dried up.

WaitingTillMarriage.org is a support group for people
who are waiting until marriage to have sex. All content is
written, developed, and maintained by people who are waiting (or who waited and then got married).
We're here to meet new friends and make life easier for those who wait.