Welcome to another week of recaps by Hollywood. I do hope you are enjoying
them as I have fun writing them. I just bought a laptop to make the process
amazingly easier. So lets get down to business shall we?

Previously on the L word...
See recap by Sci-Fi Bard that should do the trick. Speaking of tricks.

Le Rues Monmartre-Some other time.
Apparently, Jenny is writing. Looks like the Moulin Rouge, at night. My
favorite movie ever. Courtesans fit in well here. Miss Bernhard and Hunter
look to pick up random hookers. They come across Jenny on the block. Some
French words are exchanged and they decide money is no object. Lets go to ze
hotel!

Love Shack.
Dana and Alice are in bed discussing the big reveal about their being
together. Al thinks that being together throws off the balance of the circle
of friends. I'll be accepting bets on how long this will last, one or two
episodes at the most. Sorry Al-Dane shippers.

Starship Voyeur.
Mark and Jenny talk about Shaney. Mark inquires that he'd like to know
Jenny's thoughts on Shane's appeal, and her bedroom behaviour. The writhing
writer decides its not her place to say because Shane is her good friend. He
wants to know what Carmen says about it, and Jenny thinks Mark is weirder
then her, which is not totally untrue, except that Jenny has the position
pegged for life.

Hellena and Tina are lying in bed, post coitus.
Enter the demon spawn. They aren't bad kids but their mom bites, sort of.
Tina is mortified by the fact that the kids have entered during their
cuddling session and are seeing a gruesome display of Lesbian love. Hellena
wipes off her fingers and addresses her sons need to hear Portard's heart
beat. Hellena kicks the kids out, and Tina expresses her sincere gratitude
for sharing with her children the oh so natural scene of seeing their mother
fuck a total stranger. Hellena says that she has a San Diego weekend waiting
in the wings for her. T says she has to work. But since she has no spine,
she caves.

CAC of Wickedness.
Bette and Leo Herrera talk about the boundaries of them working together.
They don't want it to be awkward. Bette thinks they'd be foolish to let them
go since she has two years left on her contract. Herrera met Hellena and her
x "god, their so excited about the baby". Bette is so not happy about this
development. Bette wants T to return some of her phone calls. She wants some
resolution before little Portard is born. James briefs Bette on some work
stuff. She wants all the important stuff that Leo is supposed to do to come
to her first. Bette looks through the brochure for a new artist named Leigh
Ostin. Leigh produces one mobile a year. She wants to meet with her because,
she can.

Cam Man is pissed off.
Marty dropped out of the project. Veronica is shouting and talking to her
x-husbands agent. Veronica is yelling something about his new wife sucking
his cock and refers to her as the Air Hostess. Shane comes in to see her
during all of this. Cam Man thinks everyone is fucking useless and the
freshly plucked jelly beans never stood a chance. Everyone gets the hell out
of dodge, except Shane who is ordered to stay, Ubu. Shane has nowhere to
run. Veronica wants Shaney to teach her how not to let people let them down
or something. But after they go out. Stomping jelly beans all the way to the
bar.

Writhing Writing.
Some girl is looking for the fabulous Venus De Mylar. The guy come back out
of his trailer with a pink chiffon wig and platforms. Venus tells Dee Dee,
she, wont even make it in the circus. She has to have a special talent. So
she shows him her poonanie. Jenny, in class gets some constructive
criticism. Hunter, for some odd reason, decides that Jenny's story is
extraordinary. Yeah, he's full of shit. Bernhard thinks her grotesque
writing is something or other, but who really cares. I hope this is going
somewhere.

Shaney and Veronica go to the spa.
To get her face peeled off. She is mulling over becoming a Lesbian, also
when she gets bored she wants to kill herself. I don't know either. She
thinks Shane should stick with her cuzz she's got pizzazz.

Mobile Home.
Bette meets with Leigh and sort of flirts. She tells her, her art is
exquisite. Leigh shows Bette some painting she normally doesn't show
reproductions of some old art. Bette invites her to join her at the Planet
tonight only, Leigh has a girlfriend. Damn doesn't anything look sunny for
Flashdance.

Happy Trails.
40 Love and All talk about the coming out at the Planet. Very short scene,
about not telling anyone ahead of schedule. Al says Shaney is the only one
who can keep a secret.

Evil Lair.
Tina brought her luvah's kids some arts and crafts supplies. That's funny,
art. But Hellena wants Tina to come on to the patio, literally. During the
sightseeing camera pans, we see Hellena's x arrive. Tina lets Count Dracula
munch the carpet. Oop, Busted, Like a two dolla ho. Winnie Mann came to get
down.

SoulPlanet.
Bette intros the new artiste to Kit. Kit blahs blahs, about TOES. Ben
actually hooked up the new Musician for Kit. Who is this woman?

Evil Lair.
Hellena and Winnie Mann argue that their kids were due back at 8am and it is
now 8:15. Winnie wants Tina to go, Tina also wants to go. Hellena wants her
to stay as a witness, but she burns out anyway.

Mansion de la Hostile.
CamMan continues to yell at Marty for, leaving the film. She yells "Fuck you
Marty, Fuck you." Shane just listens, in horror, to her yelling.

SoulPanet.
Musician inquires if that, is the sister of Kits who just broke up with her
partner? Why yes, yes it is but she isn't available, says I. She is with,
me. Alyson Palmer from Betty comes up to Bette also, and tells her a group
of women at the bar have her meat tagged. Women are lined up around the
block to get a piece of her ass. Bette's all... Uh ok. One after the other,
come up to let her know she is hot. It's about time Bette got some
acknowledgment.

Mansion de la Hostile.
Veronica has a migraine, and Shane is in the bathroom getting her some
remedies. She steals some prescription drugs. She's not into Zanax but she
is into Oxy or whatever that is. CamMan wants Shane to get in bed and watch
Barbra Streisand. Shane leaves even though Veronica demands she stay, and
love her long time, because she pays her to do what she wants her to do.

SoulPlanet.
A woman I swear I know, comes up to Bette as she is talking to Kit and says
her friend at the bar wants to be her rebound girlfriend. Which Kit thinks
is not a bad offer. Bette shuns my friends mom and she leaves.

Dana and Alice are driving to the planet and talk about their mind blowing
sex. So Alice pulls over so they can knock boots.

SoulPlanet.
Jenny and Mulleto talk about hot sweaty dancers and something about their
energy. Tina walks in and spots Bette. Kit greets her and tells her to go
sit. She tells T that Bette is getting rid of the peeps hitting on her. Tina
asks what are they bothering her bitch fo? Kit says they want "Filet Mignon,
Honey." T sits next to B and tells her sorry for not calling her back, can
they talk this weekend? Bette concurs. Meanwhile Eva Longoria 2.0 and Jenny
from the block flirt and start to make out but conveniently Shane shows up.
She spots the two during the making out and runs away as usual. Shane runs
out, and into 40 Love and Al. She tells them she is running low on emotions
and leaves. As they walk in Eva Longoria 2.0 announces that "attention
everybody, we have a happy new couple in the house, give it up for, Alice
and Dana." Carmen plays them an awesome song, and they twirl and sashe'.

Starship Voyeur after the Planet.
Jenny and Carmen try to make out something deep in the kitchen and Shane
comes home, with Twins! How the hell does she do it? Carmen thinks that her
and Jenny should revisit the moment in the cool clear light of day. Jenny
understands. :( Shaney watches as the twins wrestle. Marky Mark watches and
looks confused. Shane wants to continue on with her drug phase.

The Beach.
Tina is doing more arts and crafts with kids. Mmkay. Hellena shows up and
Tina excuses herself from the kids.

Carmen comes back to Jenny now that it is the cool clear light of day. They
talk about not being able to control their feelings for anyone. Carmen
strips and Jenny strips and throws herself on the bed. They foreplay
something fierce and play slappy games and I don't know what to say about
this fucked up scene, people. They are just very wrong, so wrong. Carmen
realizes what a moron she is for being there with Jenny in the first place
so she just lays there on top of ole Jenny all covered with WTF?!

The Beach.
Hellena tells Tina she is sorry for the position she put her in with her x.
She talks some about the conditions in which her children live with her x,
in NY. Tina doesn't really care about anything she is saying because she
just realizes from this situation that she is wrong, that's all that
matters.

Starship Voyeur.
The phone is ringing and the stereo is on full blast. Jenny is late for
school. She answers the phone anyway. Its Veronica, she wants for Shaney to
call her, Please. Shane tells Jenny to tell her to kiss her ass. Jenny
leaves, and Carmen is there still. Carmen confronts Shane after brilliantly
turning off the stereo. Carmen sticks it to Shane about the people who care
for her, how she can't handle it, and how no one is going kiss her ass
anymore.

School of Hard cocks.
Hunter reads his crap, and Jenny can't wait to criticize him for it. She
sounds smartassedy and goes on to say that he is belittling the Lesbian sex
act, and that women can have the big fat O without a cock. Then she assumes
the position of the beaten dog as usual, and gets reamed for her behaviour,
but Sandra wants Jenny to call some guy named Burr cuzz she is her most
gifted student.

Sugar Shack.
Shane calls Marky Mark cuzz Jenny isn't home. He tells her not to drink a
lot of water. Then she has to tell him where she is because she is od'ing on
the Oxy. What the hell, pull your head out of your ass Shane.

The Beach.
Tina calls Bette. " Bette its Tina, I know we are getting together next
Tuesday, but I want you to know that I've been thinking about OUR, Baby".
YEEEEEEEEEAH BUDDY!!!

Washington and Venice.
Mark finds Shane getting her ass beat by some bouncers so he fends them off
and carries her home. I felt this scene really actually founded Mark as a
real person. I don't know I could be wrong.

Casa De Despair.
Random delivery girl drops a "package" off for Bette. A box of New York
Steaks, Meat tagged literally. Bette is unhappy with people other then Tina
who are interested in her. Bette listens to her messages while she looks at
her new mobile. Tina tells her "they conceived of this baby together and she
should be part of Her Life." Bette looks at the mobile and says "I think she
will like this", through tears.

Next week on the L Word.
Al runs into the Soup Chef, Winnie Mann stops by to see Bette, Shane
confronts her numerous amount of demons mainly, by blaming Carmen.

Whoa, I am ready to see next weeks already. Now we are getting somewhere.

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