Why Did The Narc Contact Me When He Already Has a New Relationship?

Q:Hello,l was engaged to a Narc. I absolutely believe there is no future with him. We have been done for months now and he is with a new woman who worships him, why did he contact me when he clearly is getting enough attention from her?

A: A narcissist can never get enough Supply; he is always on the lookout for it. As long as you give him positive or negative attention, he will continue to contact you. He may try to reel you back in just to see if he can “hook” you again. If he does, he will simply discard you again. Do not respond back when he contacts you- initiate and then maintain No Contact.

Alex Graduated in Neuro-Psychology at the University of Amsterdam. He worked a few years in a nursing home where he specialized himself in neurodegenerative disorders (alzheimer, parkinson), Personality Disorders and Emotional disorders (depression). Now he specializes in sharing his knowledge on public websites. View all posts by Alexander Burgemeester »

11 Responses to “Why Did The Narc Contact Me When He Already Has a New Relationship?”

Hi, and thank you for such a helpful and informative website and newsletter.Where were you for the last 12 years of my disastrous relationship with a Narc.Now, have read Sandy Hotchkiss and Lundy Bancroft books. and coupled with your articles am on the way to recovery.I was not married to the man, but have suffered unbelievably for more than a decade, thank you for helping. Regards from sunny Cyprus…..

He might not feel 100% confident that he has made the “kill”. His parasitic ways may be already depleating his new source of “supply.” You are the “thermometer” to check what the ambient situation is. You are aware of his nature….so keep running in the opposite direction and never waste another precious second of your life on this henous creature.

OMG! Now…this I do believe is the case with my narcissist ex. I always run in this huge race every year in our city and he called me a few days afterwards. I let the call go to voicemail and never returned it. I bet he’s over there bragging about me always racing and being in great shape for 48…making her young, overweight butt feel like trash. But then again…that’s what she gets for going after him when she knew I was with him. He’s a huge user loser…I am so glad to be rid of him. I’ve blocked him and everyone of his family members and friends from Facebook. That trash even started up a relationship with the girl who was doing my hair after I took him there to get his cut. She’s a tramp too for doing it but I laugh when I think of how he’s using her for his supply now. I can’t stand him or his user-loser family. I’m glad I was only sentenced to 5 months of his b.s. Plus I never would buy him anything or get an apartment. I saw thru his butt real quick and dumped him. I can’t figure out why he’s still calling me anyway. He’s not even good enough for me with his lying, conniving self.

Hi I just wanted to say my partner of tem years only showed his true colours this year by having an affair for 11 months , I found out in August and have spent the last four months with him lying , playing mind games and coming and going between me and her, she is 26 his 40 and he had secretly been renting a house since June. Am in counselling as he made me feel mentally I’ll this year and am reading loads on him being a narc , iv tired no contact but he turned up at my door without warning, after a week. saying It’s me he loves and wants to be with me not her but she is pregnant although he is saying that he is trying get her to get rid of the a baby as his too old to be a dad again, he needs time to sort his problem out then he wants us to get back to normal. My problem is why can’t her leave me alone now he has her, he won’t let me move on but has gone no contact with me over Xmas as his with her and she doesn’t trust him so keeps checking his phone. I wish he would just get out of my life and let me move on, why won’t he let me do this and just be with her , thank you

I can absolutely relate to all of these responses. I dated and lived with a narc for 5 years. He made me feel worthless and unworthy of his love. Not to mention the fact that he was cheating on me every chance he got. It didn’t matter what they looked like, if it was thrown at him he took it. Even now that we aren’t together he still wants to come over for booty calls now and then even though he’s in a new relationship. But recently i said enough is enough and broke off all ties.

The core base of the Narc, is fear of abandonment and rejection. It doesn’t matter if you ended it with the Narc or, in its fear state, ended it with you. In that Narcs brain, you rejected and abandoned it. You caused its ultimate fear to become reality. This is the Narcs way of attempting to try to get you, to once again, accept it. No contact is the best form of dealing with a Narc. It will forever be reminded it was never good enough, to be with you.

I got a very slick, manipulative attempt to pull me back in after 15 years of absence. It’s incredible that someone who doesn’t care whether I live or die (no calls on my whereabouts when I endured Hurracaine Katrina…etc.) would think I could ever believe his statement….that he was “always in love with me.”

I knew that a repeat of the previous situation would happen again, and it would be a matter of time before I was abused and discarded.

His mother tried to friend me on social media at the same time. I find it interesting that their mothers always seem to be a duplicate copy of them, or vice versa.

Help! involved. In 2yr relationship.with a narsissis who I thought was the best thing that ever happened to me.now the emotional abuse has taken its toll on me. I don’t know if I can ever be the strong person I once was. Pleasehelp