Well FIL called this morning and he has decided that what I am going to prepare for Easter Dinner. Unfortunately it is not what I am planning. We also will have other guests as well.

When I told him that we already have the menu planned he got mad and told me that since he was the "head of the family" he had the right to set the menu for all family dinners. I told him to talk to his son abut it.

I was under the impression that the hostess set the menu for the dinner after taking into account any food issues. Or have I been wrong on this for years.

yes you do get to decide what to make if he wants to have a certain menu served then he should host the event

I agree that FIL is very rude by demanding a certain menu (for YOU to cook, clean, and by groceries for) and then getting mad when you decide not to cater to his whims. FIL will be a guest in your home, he is not the head of your household and has no authority to make demands about the menu or anything else in your house. Either FIL should eat what is served or not come to dinner at your house. I wonder what life is like for his poor wife.

I feel your answer about talking to his son was a good one. Hopefully your DH will stand up for you in this matter.

loopey2u

One of my SIL's (We'll call her cheap SIL for the rest of the story) tried that at Christmastime when my other SIL offered to host the holiday but could only serve tacos as the main dish due to financial difficulties.

The rest of the family was totally fine with that. We knew their situation, and that SIL really wanted to have the day at her home. Everybody else agreed to bring the appetizers, desserts and beverages to help out with the costs, and we were all looking forward to getting together.It's not about the food anyways, right?

The one who complained (cheap SIL) wanted a sit down dinner, as tacos weren't a "proper Christmas dinner" but never has parties herself unless they're ones that she'll make a profit from and didn't offer to host this holiday. When she does have the gift grabs (birthday parties/confirmation/communion), she is very cheap with the food and beverages. She is not one to ensure her guests get enough to eat nor does she care about the guests food preferances at all.

Cheap SIL threw a @#$% fit, but never offered to host the holiday herself. They grudgingly went, and were served tacos. Cheap SIL didn't bring anything with her either. I'm sure the only reason they showed up is so that her kids got their gifts.

The last party cheap SIL threw was last month for her daughters confirmation. For about 20 adults there were 2 large pizzas, a tray of cucumber sandwiches and a jar of salsa and chips. Oh yeah, there was pop too.

We left hungry, and aren't making the 4 hour drive next time she has a party.

This cheap SIL sounds a lot like my late mother in the attitude about cheap food (I once posted about this). The big difference is that for all my mother hated entertaining because of her own financial challenges, she would never have been cheap about the food.

2 pizzas and cucumber sandwiches for 20 adults? That is absolutely shameful.

minnaloushe

Well FIL called this morning and he has decided that what I am going to prepare for Easter Dinner. Unfortunately it is not what I am planning. We also will have other guests as well.

When I told him that we already have the menu planned he got mad and told me that since he was the "head of the family" he had the right to set the menu for all family dinners. I told him to talk to his son abut it.

I was under the impression that the hostess set the menu for the dinner after taking into account any food issues. Or have I been wrong on this for years.

I think your reply was perfect.

I would have started laughing hysterically and thanked him for telling me the funniest thing I'd heard all day. I do that when presented with these sorts of outrageous demands which is probably why I rarely encounter them. Most people who feel entitled to make those sorts of demands hate to be ridiculed because of them. Okay, nobody likes to be laughed at, I know, but I refuse to treat that sort of silliness with anything less. I dance the razor's edge of polite behaviour at the best of times, things like this just push too far.

Gambitgirl

um, he's not "head of the family" when he's coming to your and your DHs house. you and your DH are the heads of the family in your own house, i.e. you rules, your menu, your food. if he doesn't like it he can host Easter dinner at his house.

that's pretty darn nervy. and good job handing it off to your DH, it's def. his place to reign his dad in.

my one question is what does your MIL think? does she concur with FIL or did she not know he was doing this? if both of them think this i'd go ahead and put the foot down now on the "my house, my rules" issue.

twinkletoes

"But then, I bet he doesn't do anything but sit on his butt at the gatherings, like at my DH's family gatherings, right? Typical "men work sooooo hard", so they don't have to cook, clean or watch their own kids.

I absolutely hate family gatherings because of those issues. If I wanted to spend several hours chasing our toddler and middle autistic son, serving food and cleaning up, I would have stayed home."

Agreed, Ettacat! It's the same thing with my in-laws. "Oh, the men just work soooo hard! They are allowed to sit around while we women-folk cook and clean."

It's really grating, especially as *I* work more than my husband. Luckily, my husband is big on getting *everyone* to help out.