As good as gold … at least until Beck gets hold of it

Mother Jones has written a scathing story about the unholy alliance between Cryin’ Glenn Beck and Goldline, one of his last major sponsors.

The gist of it: Watching Beck makes people dumber and investing in gold as he suggests, without reading the fine print, makes dumb people poorer.

First, here’s all of the financial advice you will ever need:

But that’s not enough for some people. They’re scared and they’re looking for security.

Clearly, when you feel global communism has taken over your country and the future of your family is at stake, you turn to basic cable and seek the reassuring wisdom of a disc jockey with a TV show.

Try buying a loaf of bread with gold bullionBeck is the radio and TV alarmist who has built a national following and a nice income playing on the fears of 3 or 4 million Americans. Goldline is a company that sells gold to people and is one of the few advertisers who hasn’t abandoned Beck’s FNC show since he accused President Obama of being a racist.

Anthony Weiner asked the Federal Trade Commission and the Securities and

Exchange Commission to investigate Goldline for its “predatory policies.”

In an accompanying report, Weiner said that the company and

conservative pundits had been working ‘hand in hand to cheat consumers’: ‘Commentators like Glenn Beck who are shilling for Goldline are either

the worst financial advisors around or knowingly lying to their loyal

viewers.’”

Disc jockeys don’t lie. Remember ‘Body Solutions?’Lots of on-air talent peddlied Body Solutions, a fake weight loss elixir, for months before the government and reality came crashing down on the company. All of the disc jockeys who sold the product swore by it.

Clearly, this is the type of relationship Beck has with Goldline.

Beck has been the company spokesman. The company helped sponsor his “comedy” tour. The company’s CEO appeared as a guest on Beck’s show.

An FOIA request by Mother Jones found 17 complaints about Goldline sales tactics, according to the story, many of them from Beck listeners who claim they were steered from buying valuable bullion and instead stuck with overpaying for gold francs.

Here’s how cozy the relationship is between the Beck who cried wolf and Goldline, according to Mother Jones’ Mencimer: “I wanted to ask Glenn Beck about the complaints involving his favorite

gold company. He never responded, but after I sent his publicist some

questions, I received a call from David Cosgrove, a former Missouri

securities commissioner and lawyer who represents Goldline.”

You get what you deserveInvesting is a tough, unforgiving business.

As commenters on the story point out, this is America and a company is free, after and assuming it meets legal requirements, to sell what it wants. Goldline did so, by the way, in every instance. Therefore, its sales people can do what the law allows to close the deal. It’s up to the buyer to beware.

But Beck’s listeners are a gullible bunch. They believe what he tells them about the safety of gold and the upcoming plots to rob and imprison them. The line between his paranoia and the commercial spiel, Mencimer writes, is blurred just enough that a handful will get snared by Goldline’s sales tactics.

Do what I doAnd that’s why I suggest you buy into chinchillas.

With these cute little critters, you can protect yourself if Republicans can win back enough seats to create a gridlocked Congress. You can’t beat the financial safety and family assurances of a chinchilla farm.

The fur can, at certain times to certain people, be considered valuable. Many, but not all, people think chinchillas are cute. And, if the world goes to the crapper, you can eat a hot plate of chinchilla. Try that with one of Beck’s dorky seed banks.