AUTOSTOPERSKI
VODIČ KROZ GALAKSIJU ½

Autostoperski vodič kroz galaksiju

(Douglas
Adams; The
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; 1979)

(prema glasovima
sa sajta goodreads.com)

● For
instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more
intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel,
New
York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck
about in
the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always
believed
that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same
reasons.
(6834 likes)

● Vreme je
iluzija. Vreme za ručak je dvostruka iluzija. (2056 likes)

● The ships
hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. (1657 likes)

● Isn't it
enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that
there
are fairies at the bottom of it too? (1519 likes)

● If
there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught
and shot
now. (1199 likes)

● Forde... Pretvaraš se u pingvina. Prekini. (893 likes)

● - So this
is it - said Arthur, - We are going to die.

- Yes, - except...
no! Wait a minute! - he suddenly lunged across the chamber at something
behind
Arthur's line of vision. - What's this switch?

- What? Where?- cried Arthur, twisting round.

- No, I was only
fooling. - said Ford, - We are going to die after all. (826 likes)

●
A towel,
[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most
massively useful
thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great
practical value.
You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold
moons of
Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches
of
Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it
beneath
the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it
to sail
a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in
hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes
or avoid
the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a
mind-boggingly
stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you);
you can
wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry
yourself
off with it if it still seems to be clean enough. (748 likes)

●
- I
refuse to prove that I exist, - says God, - for proof denies faith, and
without
faith I am nothing.

-
But, - says
Man, - The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have
evolved
by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own
arguments, you
don't. QED.

-
Oh, that was
easy. - says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is
white and
gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing. (607 likes)

●
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to
happen. (575 likes)

●
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm
of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance
of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue
green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that
they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. (340 likes)

● - But the plans were on display…

- On display? I
eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them!

- That's the
display department.

- With a
flashlight!

- Ah, well, the
lights had probably gone.

- So had the
stairs!

- But look, you
found the notice, didn't you?

- Yes, - said
Arthur, - yes I did! It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing
cabinet
stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of
the
Leopard." (319 likes)

● Anyone
who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be
allowed to do the job. (290 likes)

● - All
through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that
something was
going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would
tell me
what it was.

- No, - said the
old man, - that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the
Universe has
that. (279 likes)● In
those
days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women
were real women and small furry creatures from

●
The
Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that
the best
drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of
which is
like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round
a large
gold brick. (231 likes)

●
Bypasses
are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very
fast
while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People
living at
point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder
what's so
great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get
there,
and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are
so keen
to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all
work out
where the hell they wanted to be. (175 likes)

● The last
ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated
attempt
to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the
"Star
Spangled Banner", but in fact the message was this: "So long and
thanks for all the fish."

(152 likes)

● "And
we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere…
And to
everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together,
guys." (149
likes)

● One of
the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with
Zaphood
was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to
get
people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't be
bothered to think and wasted someone

else to do it for him, pretending to be
outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand
what
was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. (142 likes)

● Ford
carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing
you can do
to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying:
"Blood...
blood... blood... blood..." (113 likes)

● Vogon
poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst
is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a

ŠPIGL –
DVOJNICI POZNATIH

Ova
maca →Vulverin

recitation by their poet
master Grunthos the
Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a small lump of green putty I found in my
armpit one midsummer morning" four of his audience died of internal
haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling
Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was
reported to
have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to
embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My favourite bathtime
gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save
humanity, leapt
straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.

The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator,
Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the
planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison. (100 likes)

● Marvin: My
capacity for happiness, - he added, - you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first. (85 likes)

● Something
we once loved, and love now, in the shape of a book. Maybe eBooks are
going to
take over, one day, but not until those whizzkids in Silicon Valley
invent a
way to bend the corners, fold the spine, yellow the pages, add a coffee
ring or
two and allow the plastic tablet to fall open at a favorite page. (65
likes)

●
It is
most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated,
and so
we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently
converging with
your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most
enthusiastic clients, and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of
course merely
a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives…
thank
you. (60 likes)

●
"Don't
blame you", said Marvin and counted 597 thousand million sheep before
falling asleep again a second later. (56 likes)

●
We are
now cruising at a level of two to the power of 25.000:1 against and
falling,
and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is
normal
anyway. (35 likes)

● New
York has gone. No reaction. He'd never seriously believed it existed
anyway. (26
likes)

●
"They
discovered only a small asteroid inhabited by a solitary old man who
claimed
repeatedly that nothing was true, though he was later discovered to be
lying."
(20 likes)

●
"They
wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the
Ravenous
Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in,
sent
back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again,
and
finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as
firelighters."
(19 likes)

●
And so
the problem remained: lots of people were mean, and most were
miserable, even
the ones with digital watches. (19 likes)

●
There's
no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and
demolition
orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha
Centauri
for 50 of your Earth years, so you've had plenty of time to lodge any
formal
complaint and it's far too late to start making a fuss about it now…
What do
you mean you've never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven's sake,
mankind,
it's only four light years away, you know. I'm sorry, but if you can't
be
bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout.
Energize the demolition beams. (17 likes)

●
A
computer chatted to itself in alarm as it noticed an airlock open and
close
itself for no apparent reason. This was because Reason was in fact out
to
lunch. (14 likes)

●
There is
a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the
Universe
is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced
by
something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory
which
states that this has already happened. (11 likes)

● "You barbarians!" - he
yelled. – "I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you
hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled... until... until...
until... until
you've had enough." (10 likes)

● "The
Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus
designed to do
the work of a man. The marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics
Corporation
defines a robot as "Your plastic pal who's fun to be with". The
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing devision of the
Sirius
Cybernetic Corporation as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the
first
against the wall when the revolution comes." (10 likes)● The
only
person for whom the house was in any way special was Arthur Dent, and
that was
only because it happened to be the one he lived in. (9 likes)

● Many
respectable physicists said that they weren't going to stand for this - partly
because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn't
get invited
to those sort of parties. (9 likes)

● "Please
relax," said the voice pleasantly, like a stewardess in an airliner
with only one

wing
and two engines one of which is on fire, "you are perfectly
safe." (8 likes)

●
...and
the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it
quickly
before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one
to follow
the first one down and check that it was all right. (8 likes)

●
If somebody
thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a
few
pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves. (5
likes)

●
And to
this end they built themselves a stupendous super-computer which was so
amazingly intelligent that even before its data banks had been
connected up it
had started from "I think therefore I am" and got as far as deducing
the existence of rice pudding and income tax before anyone managed to
turn it
off. (4 likes)

●
"I
asked him if he'd come to clean the windows and he said no he'd come to
demolish the house. He didn't tell me straight away, of course. Oh no.
First he
wiped a couple of windows and charged me 5£. Then he told me."
(3
likes)

●
If you
don't open that exit hatch this moment I shall zap straight off to your
major
data banks and reprogram you with a very large axe, got that? (2 likes)

●
The
Nutri-Matic was designed and manufactured by the Sirius Cybernetics
Corporation
whose complaint department now covers all the major landmasses of the
first
three planets in the Sirius Tau star system. (1 likes)

●
One of
the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about
humans was
their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious,
as in "It's
a nice day", or "You're very tall", or "Oh dear you seem to
have fallen down a thirty-foot well! Are you all right?" (1 likes)

●
The Googleplex Star Thinker is a
super-computer from the Seventh Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity and has
the
ability to calculate the trajectory of every single dust particle
during a
five-week Dangrabad Beta sand blizzard.

The Deep Thought computer call it a
pocket calculator in comparison to itself.

●
You'll
have a national Philosopher's strike on your hands! (1 likes)