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In which the mom “messed things up”

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So this is unbelievable. Let me explain. I just received a text from Keely saying that ‘CM ” just apologized for her mom “messing things up.”

I texted her back that I couldn’t WAIT to hear about this. Let me give you a bit of history and moms out there, take this as a warning on “how NOT to help your kids.”

Back in the fall of 2009, my daughter Keely was a sophomore at Duke University. She was diagnosed with a tumor in her pelvis and it was really quite serious. I’m not going into the details here but you can read about the entire process here.

At any rate, she had been roommates with CM her entire freshman year and her sophomore year up to this point. It was October. Keely was put on crutches and was in a great deal of pain. She also lived on the 3rd floor so just getting to her room and back was a colossal nightmare as you can imagine.

While all the testing was still going on, Keely stayed at school and crutched around trying to finish out the semester. As it turned out, she was on crutches at school a few weeks before she had MAJOR surgery and came home thus finishing out her INCOMPLETES over Christmas break.

Because she was on the third floor, she needed help for EVERYTHING from getting her papers printed to getting food. Most people were more than happy to help her but her roommate was completely PUT OUT. She said that Keely was “being selfish” by asking her to help and was “seeking attention” for something that was no big deal. In a word, she was a BITCH.

Our goal was for Keely to be able to go back to school and January and since she would be on crutches for 6 months, Duke was very helpful in accommodating her. She eventually moved into a triple with two girls who lived on the main quad therefore making her commute to classes, the cafeteria and rehab DOABLE.

Meanwhile, CM was very put out that she would have to get a new roommate. So put out in fact, that her mother, a VERY wealthy and VERY spoiled woman, called me up. She told me that CM was “very upset with Keely because Keely never thought about her daughter and was inconveniencing her.” She also said that her daughter had “gone out of her way to help Keely“ (not true) and “never received any thanks” (also not true) from my daughter.

She felt that my daughter was “exaggerating the situation” and that her daughter was sick and tired of it. Not only that, her daughter usually didn’t give people second chances and that she felt there was “no way” that her daughter would “forgive” Keely. FORGIVE KEELY? Honestly people? I have never been at a loss for words in my life but I really didn’t know what to say to this? What planet was this woman living on?

I ended up telling her that my daughter had a “very serious” medical condition and I’m pretty damn sure attention wasn’t on her mind. I suggested we divide up all the stuff we had purchased for the room together and basically, I’ve never spoken to either her or her daughter since.

Keely had her operation, came home, changed rooms at school and has been fine ever since (well, not completely fine. She’s about to have another surgery). She has a ton of friends and has had a great experience at Duke. Her roommate, on the other hand, has become isolated and alone. They haven’t really spoken in two years and now, the second semester of their senior year; Keely just sent me that cryptic message.

Keely is a grudge holder and I KNOW they will never be friends again. Who would want to be friends with such a selfish bitch? HOWEVER, much of this would have been avoided IF ONLY her mother hadn’t called me from California to inform me of all this stuff.

If it were only Keely and CM they would have remained cordial but probably not friends HOWEVER CM certainly wouldn’t have been shut out so badly.

So what’s my point parents? The point is that usually when you interfere in your kids social stuff, it only comes back to kick you in the ass. Certainly when your child is in college, let them deal with their own shit. Your butting in will only make things worse.

29 Comments

I’ve come across more than my share of CM mother clones but I do have to say kudos to CM for recognizing and claiming independence from her mother’s bad behavior. It’s not often that the apple recognizes how close it fell to the tree and tries to roll away.
And yes, I’m all for letting the kids deal with their own shit!

There are women out there who feel the need to be involved in every single thing that gives them a voice to their opinion, when usually they are not even that in tune with their kids and just enjoy being the center of attention themselves … Oh, how I remember this from our school days!By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Wordy Wordless Wednesday – Would YOU know YOU?

I experienced this sort of meddling when I was in competitive sports and then again as an adult, when I was teaching.
Some parents are ridiculous, and their “over protectiveness” only hurts their kids in the long run.
Ugh.Lady Estrogen recently posted..Hangover Square – Premiere!

Entitled mother alert! Entitled mother alert! CM’s mom needs to hear that siren. We had a neighborhood meddler mom. One time I had gotten in an argument with her daughter and she came down and told my mom I was being mean to her daughter. My mom just said, “Well, Melanie isn’t mean for no reason, so I’m quite certain your daughter deserved it.” That mom never came to our house again.

I work at a medical clinic and you would be amazed at how many parents of adult children call the office both to give and get information for them. Not even 18 or 19 yr olds either, I am talking mid 20’s. Besides being totally illegal to discuss medical info with someone other than the patient, it’s like seriously do you still wipe there ass too?!?!?

I just hate these people, really and I am not a natural hater. The young bitch could be somehow understood, but the old sow should be taught a life lesson or so. Seems like a second grade behaviour to me :)flobits recently posted..Fields of Athenry

My daughter’s first college roommate was a nightmare and her mother was the role model. The only time I ever even saw her mom was the day the girl moved in and her mother was in the bathroom rearranging all my daughter’s belongings. I tried not to talk to either of them and halfway through the first year my daughter asked for and got a roommate change. And she took care of it herself without any interference or help from me. Her new roommate is still a close friend.

First, I hope your daughter is doing well, I’m really sorry that she’s dealing with all of that. Just a few short hours ago, I advised my daughter that she needs to figure out how to deal with her horrible roommate until the end of the year. But God forbid if the Mother ever called me, I am afraid that I wouldn’t handle that very well.RottenMom recently posted..Hump Day Wishes

Can’t believe that CM got her nose out of joint because she was “put out” by helping your daughter. I think you have to chalk it up to feelings of entitlement and selfishness. I am glad to hear that Keely is doing fine, has lots of friends, and I wish her a speedy recovery on the next surgery. As far as the other girl goes…when she pulls her head out she’ll have a better chance in life.

Parents like that make me want to isolate my children! However, I know I can’t do that! My boys are all still very young, so I’m hoping that I can lead them by positive example, by being helpful and gracious to everyone, and the belief that karma is a huge force to be reckoned with!!

jossette726

January 30, 2012

Previously i’m a daughter which hate my mom taught to me, But then, When i become a mother which teaching my children how to be a right one.. I understand why my mom pursuing something on me, For my own goodness. That’s why I’m insisting for the right thing with out a pressure to my children.jossette726 recently posted..Oven repairs Melbourne