Tag: advice

You are beautiful. Mama may have never told you that but I’m here to remind you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are unique. No one can ever be you. You may have heard this before but that’s the truth of the matter.

Take time for yourself. Get to know you. No this is not selfish. It’s extremely important for your well-being.

Cultivate a relationship with God. Your faith is not dependent on your mother, father or grandmother’s salvation. Get to know God for yourself. You don’t have to wait till your 30 before you start getting serious about your relationship with God.

You are not going to live in your parent’s house forever. One day, you’ll move out. So while you are living with your parents, make the most out of your time.

Learn to cook. It’s not everyday ramen noodles. When your mom is cooking, try to watch her and ask questions. Learn from her. Cooking is art. Learn from others and add their tips to your cooking. These days, people showcase their cooking on youtube. You can learn from there. Stop getting upset when your asked to do your chores. It will help you one day in life. When you go to college and meet people who don’t clean or even brush their teeth, you’ll thank your mother for raising you.

Learn from others. When you don’t understand something, ask questions.

Friends come and go. At a young age, it’s so tough to understand. You’ll get upset and frustrated but later on you’ll realize it. Surround yourself with postive, likeminded people. You are who you attract. If you like drama, people who love drama, will be attracted to you. Know your friends. It’s not everyone you meet, you automatically give them the spare keys to your house. In the same way, you shouldn’t consider everyone you meet your friends. Know the difference between associates and friends. In order for one to be a good friend to you, you must learn to be one too. There is a season for everything. Understanding that there is a purpose to every encounter is key. Those who are meant to be a part of your life will be there. Don’t try to maintain friendships/relationships with people who make it apparent that they don’t want your friendship.

Know your value. The way you are raised plays a role in how you behave/view things later on in life.

Set goals for yourself but don’t forget to include God in your plans.

Life is a journey. Be open to new adventures in life. Continue to learn from others. Don’t be hard on yourself. Try not to compare yourself with others. No one is perfect. It’s not everything you see in movies, or social media that is true. Most of the things your see are just highlights of one’s life. You don’t know what people are going through behind close doors. Appreciate the people that God has placed in your life. Make the most out of each day you are blessed to see. Live, laugh, love smile while you can. Life is what you make it 🙂

Before we can even begin talking about someone being a friend to us, it is vital that we ask ourselves this question “Am I a friend? Sometimes, it is so easy for us to want others to be good friends to us but the truth of the matter is that sometimes we are not good friends to them. It is important that we evaluate ourselves and those we surround ourselves with. We are reminded in 1 Corinthians 15:33 that, Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” You can’t expect to grow when you are constantly hanging around people who aren’t nurturing or willing to see you grow. You might have been friends with certain people for a long period of time but as time passed, you realized that your relationship with that person started to drift apart. As much as you have talked to that person about the distant changes, you still see no changes in your relationship. To be honest, at this point you need to understand that the season that person was in your life is over. Yes, there are instances that people who drift apart can reconnect later on down the line but it is very important to let that person go. It is very important for you to be aware of the people you are hanging around with because they can aid or hinder in your growth as an individual. Many times, we start to develop some of the bad habits and characteristic traits our friends have without knowing it. Until someone stops us in our tracks, we will continue to cultivate these habits. Understand that it is okay to re-evaluate your circle. As you continue to grow, you’ll grow apart from certain people naturally. This does not mean that they weren’t good friends but you’ll come to understand that everyone serves a purpose in your life. Some people are in your life for a season and others for a lifetime. The people you surround yourself with can be a reflection of who you are to a certain degree.

Characteristics To Look For In A Friend:

Respectful

Genuine

Compassionate

Supportive

Forgiving

Iron Sharpens Iron

Encouraging

Loyal

Good Listener

Trustworthy

Understanding

Non- Judgemental

Honest

Humorous

Empathetic

Goal Oriented

Hard working

Gentle

Outgoing

Down To Earth

Types of Friendships:

Godly Friendships: Christ Based; Self-less (Purpose driven)

Worldly Friendships: Focused On Self (If you do this for me, then I will do the same for you. It’s more of a competition than willingness to see each other grow.

Categories/Classifications In Friendships

According to author S. L. Young, there are individuals within our social circles, who aren’t necessary our friends but are as follows:

Acquaintance or Associate: there is familiarity with someone, but there isn’t a personal relationship.

Appendage: friendly because there’s a possibility that an individual’s success will help them.

Conditional: a requirement placed on a relationship that’s dependent on a certain need being met.

Counterfeit: gives the impression of being a friend, but isn’t someone who can be trusted.

Evaluative: determines the significance of a relationship based on the last thing(s) provided or done.

Fair-Weather: disappears during a time of need, but will return once a bad time or situation passes;

Leech: drains an individual of their energy, essence, or desire to move forward;

Occasional: friendly during certain times, but suddenly stops being friendly without any reason or notice. At a later time, the person will be friendly (again) on their terms.

Negative: considers themselves to be a friend, but is always pessimistic about things related to the friendship or the things that their friend does.

Situational: an individual suddenly becomes friendly once a certain event occurs that there might be a personal benefit.

Spiteful: jealous of someone’s efforts to achieve or actual success;

Toxic: gives an impression of providing support, but actively works to undermine their efforts.

After reading this, do you identify yourself with some of these characteristic traits? If so, what are some ways you are willing to change?

Are you the type of friend you are looking for in a friend?

What are some ways you can grow physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually?

What category would you place your friendships? (Godly or Worldly)

Are you afraid to talk to your friends about God? If so, why not?

Do your friendships glorify God?

Are your friendships comprised of gossiping, negativity and etc?

Before reading this post, did you know the difference between worldly/Godly friendships?

Lessons Learned In My Personal Walk (Friendships)

Your friends from high school aren’t necessary going to be your buddies forever.

You will drift apart from certain friends. It hurts but later on, you’ll understand that the dynamic of your friendships have changed. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people but understanding that their season in your life is over.

Learn to prioritize. If people don’t prioritize you, you don’t have to do the same. So pretty much if you are always the one reaching out and trying to maintain a friendship and the other person isn’t making effort, learn to take a seat. Reach out to them but don’t continue to stretch yourself out to the point where you get worn out. Do your friends only call you when they need something? Express how you feel about your friendship. If you see the same patterns, it is a sign that it’s time to let go.

Learn to pray/reach out to your friends. Just because you text someone and they say that “they are fine” doesn’t always mean they are. Do your best to check up on them even though they may not do it as often as you do. If you can, call them or meet up if you can.

Not everyone has the same heart as you. What you are willing to do for others may not necessary mean they are willing to do the same for you.

Learn to communicate how you feel to your friends and those you love. Express your thoughts in regards to a situation. If you feel that what your friend say or did to you was hurtful, let them know. Don’t walk around like it’s cool because you want to squash the situation.

Confrontation is good. It isn’t as bad as many people think of it. It’s all about how you say things and approach it. It’s also important to know the person you are dealing with. I will definitely say from experience that when you are going to meet a person that you have a problem with or haven’t seen in a while, pray about it. “Lord I come before you as I am. I lift Moriah into your hands. I thank you for this meeting we will have. I pray that your presence will be at our meet-up. Help me to speak in love. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen

Your friends (friends) aren’t necessarily your friends.

Understand that some people are seasonal types of friends. They played a purpose in your life and that’s what matters. Perspective is key. The longer you prolong someone’s season in your life, the more you miss the purpose the were in your life. Some friends drift apart naturally. Other times, you have be the person to separate from them.

Know your friends. Understand that just because you are willing to call someone or check up on your friends every week doesn’t mean they are willing to do the same. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t your friends. You just have to understand that life happens. We all have responsibilities and as much as it will be great for your friends to check up on your as least once or twice or month, let’s be honest that we have friends who reach out once every 3 months.

Listen to what people are saying but also listen to what they are not saying. One of the greatest advice that someone gave me. People will talk but their action will speak louder than their words.

Be careful who you share your information with. Do you find yourself always sharing your information with your friends but they never share anything with you? Like the only information you know about them is their name, favorite color and their nationality?

Learn to spend time with yourself. It’s okay to spend time in your own company. It’s not every day be around people. Even though this was not a problem for me, I find that quite a lot of people struggle with spending time alone.

Understand that you can’t have friends exclusively for you. It’s interesting because someone I know mentioned that sometimes it hard for her because she doesn’t have friends that are exclusively her friends. Either the person she wants to be friends with is already friends with her friends. If that’s the case, go on and get to know people. Join organizations. Pray and allow God to bring people your way.

As life goes, friendships will require more work. Those who are meant to be your friends will be, no matter how challenging life gets. Just like any relationship, it takes work. Your friendships should be natural. You don’t force it. From experience, I always try to maintain friendships. I’ve always had this type of mentality that no matter what season we are in, summer or winter, we are in it forever. So if that means I’m going to forgive you to maintain this friendship, then fine. Overtime, I’ve learned that you can’t continue to maintain friendships with people who aren’t willing to do the same. Friendship is a two way street, not a one way path. 🙂

There are levels to friendship. Man, I just learned this concept this year. My friend will say this in our conversations but I just didn’t get it. For me, if your my friend, (your my friend). I don’t place you in no category. I didn’t understand it until my male friend mentioned the same thing as my female friend. My sister will say not everyone has keys to her hotel. Some people belong in the lobby, the parking lot and etc. This concept will really help you to understand that not everyone has the key to your heart. So my male friend described it as follows. (Level 1 Friendships: People you meet and have a conversation with (nothing deep). Level 2 Friendships: These people know things about you. They have met your family. If you didn’t have a place to live and needed a place to stay for like 3 months, you’ll be fine with it. Level 3 Friendship: These type of friendships are brotherly/sisterly love. You have a good relationship with these people. They are there for you. If you didn’t have a place to live and wanted to stay with them for a year, it is completely fine with them.

Not everyone you encounter is meant to be a part of your life. Some encounters must stop at hello.

Never stop being who you are because how people have treated you in the past.

Make room in your heart for the people God will bring in your life. Not everyone that comes in your life is there to hurt you but everyone serves a purpose in your life.

At the start of this year, I started a project which entailed of me asking people who are much older than me this question “What advice will you give your younger self?” It’s been quite interesting the responses I have received by far. In the month of March, I documented all the responses I received and shared it with you all. Today, I will be sharing part two (responses with you all from (April – July).

Daphne: 4/16/2017

Trust God

Your beautiful

Value your friendships, family/relationships

Kwame: April 19th, 2017

Stay focused

Have more confidence

Think through before making decisions

Don’t compromise

Bichelle: April 21st.2017

Follow your instincts

Stick to what you believe

You are beautiful

Eileen Halsman:

Be selective of the men you chose. (70+ years old)

Adaeze: 5/27//2017

Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.

Lindsey: 5/27/2017

Get saved

Bamidele (7/22/2017)

-Your dreams will take a longer time to happen but it will happen eventually so you were worried for nothing.

-Dear younger self, next time pick up that call from Jesus earlier. You kept running from all those ladies he sent you in high school. But i am happy I eventually got your attention said Jesus.

-You worry too much about what people think and missed out on a lot because you were afraid you’d offend someone. Next time, let’s start not worrying about what others would say or do. Just be worry what the Lord God thinks.

Patience. If you don’t have patience and if someone wants to get to know you, you’ll miss out. Don’t judge before knowing a person. Deep down the person may be the person for you.

To know myself better

Don’t marry someone who is so much older than you. Find someone you can have fun with. When someone is so much older than you, sometimes, there isn’t any chemistry/no relationship between you and the person.

Carrie (Waitress) : 7/28/2017

Don’t give up your virginity before marriage. I wish I could have waited.

Don’t take in what people say. Be wise. Don’t be easily deceived. There’s a lot of darkness out there. The heart is deceitful.

Put God first. The best wisdom is from God. Continue to study his word.

Know your worth. Don’t settle for anything. (You are an asset. Know what you bring to the table. You are an addition to someone’s life, not a subtraction. If they don’t appreciate you, that’s their problem. “Sister’s Advice to Me”

Understand that some friends are in your life for a season. People grow apart and though it’s painful, such is life.

Don’t be afraid to venture out to try new things. Get out of your comfort zone.

Spend time with your family. Create memories with them. Take lots of pictures & Record videos with them. Interview your parents. Ask them about their childhood/advice they would give to their younger self. It’s been amazing doing this so trust me, make the most out of it. Like my mom/dad says “Life is too short”. We are alive by God’s grace so make the most out of each day you are granted 🙂

Waking up in the morning is a gift/testimony despite how you are feeling. Someone didn’t wake up. Be grateful.

Every trial that we face in this lifetime serves as a purpose. Though we may not understand every situation, there is always a lesson if we pay attention.

Be careful who you share your information with. Not everyone has a good interest at heart.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh often.

Don’t give people the power over you.

Continue being yourself. Kind you are. Caring you are. Never change who you are because of how people have treated you.

Save your money. This is not something that was difficult for me because I love to save but it may be a reminder to someone else.

Speak life into your situation. Pray about everything. I mean everything. Get in the position where you can pray at all times. God is listening. He is closer than you think.

Prioritize. If people don’t prioritize you, you don’t have to do the same for them.

Don’t stress over things. Things will eventually work out for you. God has your back.

Read books. Never stop educating yourself outside of the classroom.

Stay Focused On Your Goals. Don’t make excuses because time surely flies and before you know it, all that you had set for yourself has not been accomplished.

This is just the beginning of start of something new. Greater things lie ahead of you.

You are still growing. You don’t fully know yourself once you leave high school. Learn to spend time with yourself. Write in a journal. Document the things you like/dislike.

The people you used to hang around or called your friends may or will drift apart. You have to understand that sometimes separation is good for your soul. Your friends from high school will attend different universities and they too will make new friends. Sometimes, when people meet new people, they gravitate towards them more. Friendship is a two way street. If you realize that your the one that constantly making effort to maintain the friendship, you have to reevaluate the friends in your life. Understand that certain people are seasonal friends. There were only meant t to be apart of the journey for a while. Either ways, understand that there is a purpose to every encounter. Yes, you may cry or feel upset because of the separation but see it for good. You will meet new people along the journey. Sometimes, because of the pain of past friendships, you will start to guard your heart because you don’t want to get hurt. You must also understand and get to a point in your life knowing that everyone is not out to hurt you. Some people mean well for you. Pray and ask God to direct your pathway; to direct you towards people who want to grow. God has a plan far greater than your understanding. Take things one day at a time, daily seeking HIM. *This is something I struggled to understand even when I was in college. I value friendship so when I realized that it wasn’t being reciprocated it was painful. I had friends from high school who will never reach out to me unless it was convenient for them. 7 months will pass and you won’t hear not even a “Hey. How are you?”. If it wasn’t me reaching out to them, then forget it. If your friends don’t prioritize you, don’t prioritize them either. Make time to make time for those who make time for you.

Not everyone will attend college. I’m sure you have heard people say “College is not for me”. Some people will start a family right after high school. Others will go into the military, cosmetology school, get a job and etc.

Your perspective on life may change. You will go through certain experiences that will make you stronger. Life isn’t easy but you will learn and grow through the trials of life. Your trials will turn into testimonies.

Learn to save. At a young age, you think the money your making is nothing so you spend it recklessly on things you don’t need. I can’t say this was a struggle for me because I’m very frugal. Honey, I’m not cheap but I think before I spend. Money doesn’t come easy. It doesn’t fall off a tree.

Learn to clean/cook. At least learn to boil eggs and make rice. Learning how to make the basics can help you along the journey. “You are beautiful; but learn to work, for you cannot eat your beauty.” -Congolese Proverb

Procrastination will not get you anywhere. It will only set you back. Learn to create deadlines for yourself. If you want to start a Youtube channel or even write a book, set a date for yourself when you want to finish your manuscript/release your first video.

Make yourself a priority. Respect + Take care of yourself. Demand nothing less than respect for yourself. Be comfortable with spending time with yourself. It’s not everyday spending time with people.

Learn to love yourself, flaws and all. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Attitude is everything. Check yourself. Having a bad attitude will not get you far. It seems cute in high school but it will not take you anywhere.

Keep A To Do List & Stick With It. It’s one thing to write a list and it’s another thing to accomplish it.

Try To Read A Book Every Month.

Spend Less Time On Social Media. Stop focusing on what you see on people’s timeline. Stop comparing yourself. It’s not everything you see, is true. Embrace your journey. Where you are, is for a purpose.

Set Goals For Yourself.

Get to know people who are older than you. They have lived life and there’s always something to learn from them.

Travel. Discover new hobbies. Expand your horizon. Try new foods.

Enjoy your sleep while you can.

Live for today. Time is all we have. If you want to do something, go for it.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes but learn from them.

Your in charge of your time. No more mama waking you up to get ready for school or get your act together. You need to get it together.

Meet new people. Learn about different cultures. You don’t have to be around the same circle of friends. Don’t put a limit to the people your going to meet.

Not everyone you meet is your friend. Get to know people for yourself. Your friend’s (friend) isn’t necessary your friend.

Be fearless. Take risk. Don’t let fear paralyze you. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Progress cannot be made in a comfort zone (sister).

Hey :). I hope your’e all doing well. I don’t know if any of you are still in high school but I’m sure you know someone who is still in high school that can benefit from this blog post. Tell your friends and their friends. Alright, let’s get straight to the point.

Get to know yourself. The journey doesn’t stop once you leave high school but it’s very important that you take time to know yourself.

Surround yourself with like minded people. Understand that not everyone is your friend. You will realize that you were only friends with these people because you guys had similarities and either had classes together. Birds of the same feather flock together so be careful of the crowd you follow.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Things happen for a reason, but learn from your mistakes.

Don’t compare yourself with those around you whether they are your friends or classmates. Everyone is raised differently. Just because someone is wearing a name brand accessory doesn’t mean you have to do the same. I never had Nike’s. My parent’s couldn’t afford to buy me name brand goods. I was grateful that I had something to wear. Learn to be content with what you have.

Apply to the colleges of your choice. It’s okay if you have to attend a community college before a 4 year college. Honey child, it saves you some money. Just because your classmates or friends are attending a four college doesn’t mean anything. Do what is best for you. Let’s be honest. If you want to travel out of state for college, please take the time to really think about the expenses and loans you will be taking. Will it all be worth it at the end? Are you trying to go out of state because your tired of living with your parents and want your freedom? Please do take the time to think about the decision your’e making. Apply to a lot of scholarships. Whether you win some of none, you tried and that’s what matters.

Have a personal relationship with God. It’s not all about going to church and sitting in the pews. I’m not saying don’t go to church. Go but don’t let that be a substitution of spending time with God. Don’t go because mama or grandma is forcing you to go. You may not realize it in high school but you will soon realize that it’s important to have a relationship with God. Take time to pray every day. Attend Bible Study. You are never too young to spend time with the Lord.

If you can find a job while going to school, do so. Save up your money. Don’t spend it anyhow. Be wise about the way you spend your money.

Focus in your classes. Appreciate your teachers. Some of the lessons they teach in class can help you once you leave high school. Take high school seriously. Learn to get to school on time. Not being punctual in life can rob you from certain opportunities.

Get involved in extracurricular activities. Volunteer. Write your resume. Ask your teacher’s for advice in regards to college or etc.

Have fun in high school. It goes faster than you think it will.Don’t isolate yourself. Make friends but understand that everyone you come across paths with in this life is for a purpose far beyond your understanding. Make the most out of your high school years. Take pictures. Encourage your friends/classmates. Create memories. Live. Love. Laugh. Be you always. 🙂

Where do I even start? I mean where do I really begin to share this part of my journey with you all. So yesterday, I graduated from college. All I can say is Glory Be To God. It been a long journey being in college but despite the obstacles and storms, I made it. Class of 2017, we made it. Yesterday begun with me waking up at 5:00am. I wanted to have time to get ready for my special day. Woke up only to realize that it was pouring outside. It seems to me that it rains on special occasions. I don’t know but that’s something I have realized. Despite the rain, I got ready for graduation. I love to start off my day by praying and committing everything into God’s hands. After my time with the Lord, I made sure that I picked up my pronunciation card, my cap and gown, camera and etc.

Walked outside only to realize that it was raining harder than before. I placed my cap and gown in a bag to prevent it from being wrinkled. My family was ready so that was a great start. Prayed and headed out to graduation. For some reason, I started tearing in the car. I couldn’t believe that today was seriously my graduation day. The thought of missing my friends, the people who have made an impact on my life, the organizations on campus, and the people I met along the journey. Have you ever cried but no one realizes that you were crying? For the most part, that’s what usually happens but for some reason, my sister noticed and she handed me a tissue. It was getting real for me. It took as approximately 25-30 minutes to react the designated location that my graduation was going to take place. There was so much traffic and it was raining even more. Many of the graduates had to get out in the middle of traffic to cross the street because we had to be at the place at 7:30am because graduation was going to start at 9:00am.

When we arrived, the graduates had a location to stand. The doors were suppose to open at 7:30am but they were delaying. Once, it opened we had to go through metal detectors. Water bottles weren’t allowed along with other items. It was a long process but eventually we got in. I really liked how every graduate had a line to stand at depending on their majors. It made it easier for everything to flow. The only thing I didn’t like so much was that we waited on line until 9:00 before we walked into the auditorium. I still enjoyed every moment taking pictures with my classmates and exchanging words.

Upon our entrance to the commencement, we were escorted to our seats. It was such a beautiful feeling seeing how the auditorium was packed. The lights, the smiles on people’s face was a sight to see. We sat down and announcements were made. We had to stand up to sing the national anthem and then we sat down. It was really amazing to see that 98% of my graduating class designed their caps. My heart was filled with Joy. The speeches were decent. No extremely long speeches. It was straight to the point.

First, the college of arts was introduced. There were so many graduated from this department. It was remarkable. Then came the college of education and human services which was the department I belong to along with my classmates. #TeamPublicHealth. Ayeee. I’m still here thinking about how amazing yesterday’s commencement was astounding. A day I will always remember. The joy and radiance of seeing my classmates alongside with friends go on stage to be recognized for the accomplishments. I was afraid that my last name was going to be butchered but it wasn’t at all. I was all smiles when I got on stage. I waved at the camera and proceeded to take my seat after. It was interesting some of the things that people did as they walked across the stage. It was too funny. Overall, yesterday was beyond a blessing. I was grateful that my friends, family, loved ones and even a bus driver from college who came to support me on this day. This day was a testimony my mouth cannot contain. All glory be to God. I’m thankful for everyone God allowed me to cross paths in this journey of life. This is just the beginning of what is yet to come. God is good. Faithful Is Here. No matter where you may be in your life, never give up. Seek God in all your Earthly doings. With him, all things are possible.

Verses That Helped Me Along The Journey.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. -Psalm 32:8

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. -Jeremiah 29:11

Those who look to him are radiant;their faces are never covered with shame. -Psalm 34:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6

God has been Good. In all things, give thanks unto him. Celebrate your shortcomings. Don’t compare yourself with others. God has a purpose for where you are right now. Embrace the season you are in and the people he has placed in your life. There is a purpose to every encounter. Cheers to what the future holds. Greater is ahead of you. Until next time, stay blessed & encouraged. 🙂