Every so often America births one of those trends that is truly inspired. Think representative democracy, industrialism, designer looks at discount prices, and now, at long last, filming your slightly impaired child and uploading it to the Internet for the world to see.

While the premise seems simple enough (alter child's mood, press record, repeat), the execution is key. It's not enough that your kid says the darndest thing — to become a YouTube phenom you've got to push the limit past a Bill Cosby special and into Richard Prior territory. An element of parental neglect or future emotional scarring helps. Crass, you say? This is the Age of Entertainment, when everyone makes sacrifices for the audience's greater good.

Because at the end of the day, you're teaching your kid an important lesson by posting an embarrassing video of them on the Web: If you can't laugh at yourself, at least make it worth it by grabbing Dad a few million page views and maybe a modest stream of ad revenue. You know, for college.

David After Dentist

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Quick, somebody get this kid a diazepam drip! The way I see it, with the right mix of anesthetic finagling, David could probably sustain YouTube for the next two, three years minimum. David could have his own TV channel, and during sweeps week they could "accidentally" double dose David and put him in a sealed room with a black light.

Gem of the Day: "I feel funny. Why is this happening to me?!" (We've all been there, kiddo.)

Hyperactive Kid

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Don't get me wrong, the alphabet is really fucking exciting. It's a gas. Twenty-six letters, a million combinations, and one raging philosophical debate over the epistemological merit of words and meaning. But Jesus, kid — get a hold of yourself.

(Note: It did cross my mind that this child might be more than a Ritalin-deprived product of the aforementioned Age of Entertainment. He might be truly affected. But in my book, Fart!: How to Make Fun of Kids Tactfully, all bets are off once the parents filming their own son actually start laughing at him).

Kid Scared of Puppets

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Mom: "Oh God, Brian is terrified! We should go help!"

Dad: "No, Meredith!" (picking up video camera) "Let it play out."

Mom: "But Roger, he's our son."

Dad: "Do you want a son that's scared of puppets? Or do you want a son who is an Internet sensation for being scared of puppets?"

Mom: "I won't let this happen!"

Dad:(cold cocks her) "Oh yes you will."

Spinning Kid

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These parents are like the MacGyver version of Parents Without Access to The Good Drugs From The Dentist's Office. Because really: Why wait for an impacted wisdom tooth for a little comedy? Life's too short.

Laughing Gas Kid

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Husband: "Hey honey, I was going to go film Joshua all dizzy and wobbly-like, stumbling around in the middle of the road. What do you think?"

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