Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Giants Win It All
Didn't see that coming. Was hoping for the Nationals vs the O's. Was hoping for a 7 game series. Was hoping it would last a little longer.

What a year!!!

Chipper Jones is leaving Mike Trout has just arrived, Bobby Valentine is gone, Jim Leyland's coming back for another year. We saw perfect games and a triple crown winner. How about Baltimore? And the A's. It was a fun year. '

My friend Todd sent me this a prediction at the beginning of the year from a baseball magazine.

That guy nailed it. Good for him.

Sadly,
We saw the end of 50 years in the National League for the Houston Astros.

Just think 10 years from now we'll be hanging out and you'll say, "Remember when the Astros were in the National League?" And I'll say, "They still would be if it wasn't for Bud Selig." And you'll say, "Isn't that the guy who's grave you took a shit on?" And I'll say, "I didn't take a shit on his grave. At the hotel, I shit in a Pringles can and flung it on his grave to make a point." And you'll say, "Did you have to do it during the funeral?" And I'll reply, "Yes."

Have a good off season. Thanks for reading and I'll see you next year during Spring Training.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

IT"S TUESDAY. WHAT HAPPENS ON TUESDAY?

Baseball Card Theater:
This is episode number 28 of Baseball Card Theater this year. What a season. We've looked at moustaches, balls, bats, haircuts and we end it in big fashion with another appearance from Fred Willard, The Funniest man in the World.

Fred, Mary, Brady and T. Sean

Here's a shot of Mr. Willard, his lady Mary, my buddy Brady and I at a Dodger - Astros game with really good seats. That's when the Astros were in the National League. Remember that?
It's a super funny episode so enjoy...

BASEBALL CARD THEATER: Thoughts of a photographer Part 2

Enjoy, and tomorrow I will wrap up the baseball season in a nice big bow for Halloween.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

JUSTIN VERLANDER VS BARRY ZITO

This is an easy one. Barry Zito had a great game against the Cardinals but Justin Verlander is the best pitcher in baseball. But I don't judge by that. I judge by who could beat up who. Justin Verlander would kick the crap out of Barry Zito.

Advantage: Detroit

COACHES - LEYLAND VS BOCHY

These are 2 crusty old men and I like them both. Hand to hand combat you have to give it to Bruce Bochy. But you know Jim Leyland ain't showing up empty handed. I bet, Mr. Leyland will put a cigarette out in Mr. Bochy's eye and then stab him with a shiv.

Advantage: Detroit

AN ACTUAL TIGER VS AN ACTUAL GIANT

Honestly I would much rather see Andre the Giant fight a Tiger than watch baseball but that's not going to happen for a couple reason. But if they did fight, I'll give the early round to the Giant but in the end, the Tiger is going to win.

Advantage: Detroit

MASCOTS: PAWS VS LOU SEAL

This seems like it would be an easy choice, and it is. Paws might look nice because he's hanging out with kids, but I heard he did time in the San Diego Zoo and in the Mexico City jail, Lou Seal is a wanna be gangster and would get clubbed to death.

Advantage: Detroit

AVERAGE CITIZEN

If your typical Detroit resident fought your typical San Francisco dweller I think it would be fun to watch, but I would have to put my money on the motor city.

Advantage: Detroit.

It looks like it's going to be a one sided affair according to my research, but that's why we play the games. I like both teams and would love to see it go 7 games. My boss is a Giants fan so it would help me if they won, but I just want to see some good baseball.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

BASEBALL CARD THEATER: MOVIE POSTERS

If you love baseball cards and movie posters than you came to the right place. Today I make up movies based on the photo in the baseball card. This is the second installment of BBCT Movie Posters. The first Movie Posters is pretty funny too.

Big game 7 last night and former Astros Hunter Pence had a big game so buckle up for a good World Series between the Tigers vs Giants.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Tonight is the night we find out who's playing the Tigers in the World Series, if it doesn't rain out.

A lot of choices on TV tonight.

THE DEBATES

You could watch the Presidental Debates. But why? I'll tell you what happens. Your guy is going to win the debate and his opponent told a bunch of lies.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

The Lions vs the Bears. If it was real bears fighting real lions I'm there. If it's just a real bear fighting people in Detroit I'm there. Cutler vs. Stafford? I'll stick with baseball.

NEW EPISODE OF CRASH AND BERNSTEIN

It's the show I work on for Disney about a kid with a puppet. Tonight's episode is a face-melter because the Puppet becomes Bernstein's basketball coach. Who would let a puppet coach a kid's basketball team? I think you see the great potential for comedy. I would say watch it if this is the only time it's on, but they repeat this show all week, so watch it later.

The only real option is to watch the Giants Matt Cain vs the Cardinals Kyle Lohse. It should be a good one.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Baseball Card Friday - Cookie Lavagetto - 1960

A grown man named Cookie. No, I'm not talking about the guy who ran the chuck wagon in the John Wayne film The Cowboys. That was Roscoe Lee Brown and his character was named Mr. Nightlinger.

I'm talking about Cookie Lavagetto the manager of the Washington Senators. I just got 50 cards from 1960 and Cookie was my favorite card. Don't know that much about him, so I looked on the back and this is what I found out.

1960 was the last year the Washington Senators before moving to the team to Minnesota and becoming the Twins.

THE COOKIE GAME

In 1947 World Series Mr. Lavagetto got a pinch hit in the ninth to break up a no-hitter. It also turned out to be his last hit in baseball but they named the game after him.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez

A-ROD GETS BENCHED

Alex Rodriguez has been benched for Game 4. The game was rained out last night so that means he will be benched for the second straight night for the same game.

He's not hitting so Yankee manager has decided to sit him as well as Curtis Granderson for the same reason and now there's rumor they're trying to trade him.

Why does a circus follow Alex Rodriguez? He's one of the best players to ever play the game and I don't understand why he's so reviled by so many, but if everybody hates a person I'm immediately on that person's team.

So come on a-rod.

PREDICTION FOR GAME 4

Mr. Rodriguez pinch hits in the ninth inning and smacks a ball over the infield for a single.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Baseball Card Theater - Thoughts of a Photographer - FRED WILLARD

Special guest star Fred Willard makes an appearance in Thoughts of a photographer. Mr. Willard loves baseball and we've been to a bunch of games together. In the picture below he's throwing out the first pitch at an Orange County Flyers game.

He was clocked at 104 mph. I used hi-speed film and it still came out blurry.

Fred Willard giving Hall of Famer Gary Carter an autograph

Anyway, I recorded Mr. Willard doing a new Thoughts of a Photographer but haven't got a chance to film it. But for now, Thoughts of a Photographer # 1.

PLAYOFF UPDATE

The playoffs continue while I enjoy the merits of a hard days work far from modern technology.

Giants came back from 2 games down to beat the Reds. My boss is a Giants fan so that should make my life a little better.

The Washington Nationals tied up the series with St. Louis thanks to a walk off home run by Nationals right fielder Jason Werth. Let's go Nats!!! Until you play my boss's team, then I can't openly root for you. But for now LET'S GO NATIONALS!!!

The O's beat the Yankees to keep the dream alive. Love me some Buck Showalter and the O's were great when I was a little kid and I'm pretty sure that was the last time they were good. Would love to see the O's play Oakland.

But wait... Oakland ran into the nightmare that is Justin Verlander in Game 5 and lost to the Tigers. Turns out magic isn't enough against Mr. Verlander when he's on his game, which is most of the time.

So the Tigers and the Giants wait till tomorrow to see who they play. I guess it's already today.

Monday, October 8, 2012

THE NEW PLAYOFF SYSTEM

Just finished watching Baltimore beat the Yankees and tie the series at 1-1. The other match ups. The Washington Nationals are tied 1-1 with the Cardinals. Detroit is up 2-0 over Oakland. The Reds are up 2-0 over the Giants.

One Game Wild Card -

Kind of a bummer. Also hated people saying "it's like game 7". No it's not, you didn't just split 6 games with another team. It's a 1 game playoff, which you do if you tie, not if you win something.

Home Field Advantage -

Congratulations!!! You've won home field advantage so pack your bags because you're playing the first two games on the road, then play three at home... WHAT? That's madness. You can't do that. That doesn't feel like home field advantage to me.

So if you have the best record in baseball you start a 5 game series with 2 games on the road? This is the most asinine thing I've heard since some asswipe decided to make the All Star game count for home field advantage in the World Series.

I'm surprised I haven't heard anyone complaining about it.

So far I'm digging the playoffs.

Also, I don't know if you heard but Cougar Town is moving to TBS with all new episodes.

Friday, October 5, 2012

BASEBALL CARD FRIDAY: BOBBY VALENTINE 1976

Today we check out a man who is recently lost his job as the Manager of the Boston Red Sox.
I heard Elton John is redoing a version of Candle in the Wind, here's a sample.

Goodbye Bobby V.
You managed the Bo Sox
Like a squirrel in the Wind

Let's talk about the card first. Love the 1976 design, the little cartoon player at the bottom going back for a fly ball is kind of fun. That looks like it was taken in San Diego and Mr. Valentine is standing in the circle shot putters use during the Olympics.

Now about Mr. Valentine getting fired. He was put in a near impossible situation and didn't help matters by behaving like a squirrel.

Here's some advice for Mr. Valentine for the future...

1. Don't trash your star veteran players, especially during the first month of being there.

2. Don't go back to the announcing booth. You're a better manager than a commentator, and lets be honest, you're not that great at managing.

3. Next time you get fired, don't hold your press conference wearing a bike helmet.

Enjoy the one game Wild Card playoffs today.

Baltimore at Texas. - Would love to see the O's win.

St. Louis at Braves. - Chipper gets it down and helps the Braves to win.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

A.L. Most Valuable Player Award Committee555 Main St. New York, NY 10010

Dear Mr. Trout,

The A.L. Most Valuable Player Award Committee wants to thank you for taking the
time to participate in our competition but we regret to inform you that we've chosen another candidate for this year's Most Valuable Player Award.

Thank you for your exceptional effort, you helped make it a year to remember and while you were not selected for the current award, the committee did not make this decision lightly. In the future, your team getting into the post season goes a long way in our selection process.

We wish you both personal and professional success in the future. We appreciate your interest in our organization and will keep your resume on file and consider you in the future.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Fat Lady Sings...

We did it. We made it through another 162 games. It was fun. We saw 7 no-hitters, got to meet Mike Trout and Bryce Harper, cheered Chipper Jones on his victory lap, watched a couple guys get busted for taking drugs, witnessed the Pirates meltdown and it ain't over yet.

TRIPLE CROWN:

My main man Miguel Cabrera is leading in HR, AVG, and RBI and like Ted Williams when he was hitting over .400, Mr. Cabrera ain't taking the last day off. The first time since 1967 someone has a shot to win the triple crown. Pretty amazing. He leads by one home run over Josh Hamilton, but with the Rangers playing for the division title, Mr. Hamilton could take over in the home run category.

TEXAS vs OAKLAND

These two teams are tied and this final game decides who wins the division and who is the wild card team. It's for all the marbles. Can't wait to watch it.

YANKEES AND ORIOLES

Yankees have a 1 game lead, but if they lose and the Orioles win today, we're going to have a one game playoff.

ASTROS vs CUBS

Two teams with 100 loses meet for the first time since 1962 and it's also the Astros last game as a National League team before they're date raped into moving to the A.L. West.

This has been a good season and it's coming down to the last game. I love it.

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Most Valuable Player: Mike Trout or Miguel Cabrera?

Does your team have to get to the playoffs to win the Most Valuable Player?

Not necessarily, but you better have a record setting season.

The Tigers are going to the post season and if Miguel Cabrera wins the triple crown, I think he will win the MVP.

But what about Mike Trout? His team isn't going to the post season but the kid has had an amazing season. Both with his bat, his glove as well as stealing 40 bases. Record setting? No, but still amazing.

Which brings me to my MVP candidate: The guy who helped his team all season to reach the playoff and the winner is... The Captain.

Derek Jeter. He held the Yankees together through all of this year's injuries and leads the AL in base hits. I don't care if he hangs out with puppets, this is the AL's MVP. No doubt in my mind. I also know the sports writers are going to screw it up like always.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Baseball Card Friday: Bo Porter 2001

I dug around my cards last night and found a Bo Porter card. This is from 2001 and he was playing with the Texas Rangers.

The more I learn about Bo Porter, the more excited I am about him managing the Houston Astros. He's 40 which is youngish for a manager, but he's got a ton of rookies on his squad so to them he must seem like an old man. Even if it doesn't work out in Houston, he'll learn a ton about being a manager which will help him down the road.

Here's some fun facts about Bo Porter:

Bo Porter hit 2 home runs during his major league career. One was off Mark Mulder, the other Tony Fiore.

Bo Porter was named after the character Bo from the Dukes of Hazard. His parents were being ironic. He also has a brother named Luke and a sister named Boss Hog.

Bo Porter was a 2-sport athlete for the University of Iowa Hawkeyes, who's mascot is Herky the Hawk.

Bo Porter has never entered a pie eating contest.

Bo Porter played in the majors for 3 teams. The A's, Rangers, Cubs.

Bo Porter was the Vice President of his high school student council and when President Debbie Lassen had an operation to get her tonsils out, Bo was sworn in while she was under anesthesia.

Bo Porter earned All-Big 10 honors in both
baseball and football as senior and was named defensive MVP of football team as senior.

I declare today Bo Porter day!!! Go out there and go one more mile today. For Bo Porter.

When they named Kirk Gibson interim manager for the
Diamondbacks, Mr. Gibson named Bo Porter the bench coach. If he's good enough for Kirk Gibson, that gives me some confidence. Presently, Mr. Porter is the third base
coach for the Washington Nationals.

The only thing I know about Bo Porter happened this year, when Cubs manager Dale Sveum was pissing and moaning from the dugout at Mr. Porter, who was coaching third, because he felt like the Washington Nationals were piling on by swinging at a 3-0 pitch. Finally, Bo Porter went over and told him to knock it off. I love it.

Here's a transcript I discovered of the conversation that took place that day...

Dale Sveum: Come on. You guys are winning by 5, give us a break.

Bo Porter: Sit your monkey ass down and shut up before I come down there and start cleaning clocks.

Dale Sveum: The point I was trying to make is that this is a gentleman's game and you fellas aren't being very gentlemanly.

Bo Porter: Last warning, shut your pie hole or I will force a goat to have sex with you and curse you guys for another 100 years.

Dale Sveum: Why, I never.

Bo Porter: I bet you haven't.

Third Base Umpire: Oh snap!

The Astros need a tough manager and Bo Porter looks like he could do the job. I like the idea of Bo Porter, I hope it works out.

About Me

T. Sean Shannon is an Emmy award winning comedy writer, having written for SNL for 8 years as well as The Tonight Show. This is a blog about his unnatural interest in baseball. Sorry ladies, he's already married.