Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Boston Legal - Recap & Review - "Juiced"

Boston LegalJuiced

Original Air Date: Dec 2, 2008

Kathryn – TwoCentsReviewerKathryn@twocentscorp.com

If you add up the ages of the cast of Boston Legal it comes to over a thousand years of experience.

It is quite disturbing that Betty White looks exactly like she did on the Golden Girls. It may be because my country is just beginning to wonder what this TiVo thing is, but lack of programming meant it was on every weekday night – and for everyone born after 1980 this is like 150 years ago; back when TV was young, but the Golden Girls weren’t...

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If you add up the ages of the cast of Boston Legal it comes to over a thousand years of experience

It is quite disturbing that Betty White looks exactly like she did on the Golden Girls. It may be because my country is just beginning to wonder what this TiVo thing is, but lack of programming meant it was on every weekday night – and for everyone born after 1980 this is like 150 years ago; back when TV was young, but the Golden Girls weren’t. The premise of the show was three elderly ladies sharing a house in their dotage. It doesn’t sound all that exciting, but it was funny. Betty played the down home idiot, but she’s either got a Dorian Grey picture in her attic or very good plastic surgeons. She hasn’t changed in over 150 years. She’s spooky.

Carl also finds her a bit spooky when she just pops up, fires his assistant and takes over her job. Carl is not all that rapt having an elderly psychotic murdering armed robber invading his office, but he takes it in his usual phlegmatic way and doesn’t call security. He can’t anyway. Catherine has rerouted all his phones so that if he tries to call anyone from Shirley (she’s on holidays so she is represented by her doll) to 911 he gets Catherine. I’m not too sure how she did that, but for someone who must be getting on for a hundred, she’s wiley.

She’s also bored. So what’s the solution? ‘Let’s go and sue the ‘networks’ for not providing quality television for anyone over fifty,’ says Carl. Break the fourth wall? These guys have just driven a bulldozer through it.

Carl tells the little weird gay judge television panders to young nincompoops who spend half their time text messaging. The only show that even has stars over fifty is B…

Carl claims he stops it there because he doesn’t want to break the wall. A bit too late for that now I say grandad.

To be fair I once had to dress up as an iron for Big Brother because it was heavy metal day - get it? While actually playing the games was fun (and slimy), the producers didn’t strike me as the brightest housemates in the house. I’ve still never actually watched BB: because it’s stupid! Give me Boston Legal any day.

There are a lot of exceptional television programs out there, but there is a lot of dribble – but that’s not the point dang it! The point the writers are trying to make is the only show that ever dared to spend five years droning on and on about salmon (apart from David Attenborough’s wild life documentaries), and has no shame in using the word masturbate on prime time TV, is now going to be kyboshed in favor yet another repeat of Two and a Half Idiots.

But to also be fair to the defense, the ‘networks’ could have pointed out Catherine could have gone to the library and read a book.

Yes! Jerry and Katie (finally)

We take drugs to help us sleep; drugs to keep us ‘up’; and let’s not even mention why Starbucks is one of the most successful companies in the world. So it’s not surprise when Young Arrogant Chick is a bit narked Harvard University rescinded her admission when she admitted to taking illegal performance enhancing drugs. If she actually admitted it to a newspaper she doesn’t really sound like Harvard material to me anyway.

Jerry and Katie do their best, but the legal system tends to take a dim view of people who are that thick they can’t stop themselves blurting out their illegal actions in the newspaper and then get uppity about it.

Jerry ponders the difference between taking drugs to ‘be normal’ and what is over the top. But Katie doesn’t care Jerry is a little south of the wind (even with his Asp Berger’s drugs). It takes him a few seconds to work it out, but after he clicks Katie has just asked him out on a date he’s over that desk and out the door like he’s got a rocket up his Asp Berger’s.

Mad Cow

Dear Denny. He’s one heck of a television character. Who doesn’t know someone with the Mad Cow? Medical science made huge advances to extended peoples’ life spans, but they forgot to include the brain. For some people it sort of conks out at sixty. No one noticed when people used to drop dead at sixty five, but now some people just do the Energiser Bunny thing and keep going and going and going.

It’s the most awful thing: to watch a person you love… dying mentally. Cities may crumble, Gibraltar may tumble, but they’re only made of clay. Ideas, books and human thought always remain. Some clever Brit guy says we are genetically inbuilt with the knowledge of our ancestors, even from thousands of years back (if we see a Sabre Tooth Tiger we run – even today). So, however painful his passing is (the end of the show that is, not his death), Denny will always be with us.

But this is not really compensation to Alan when the tests show Denny now has first stage Alzheimer’s. Even Denny admits it not Mad Cow anymore. He’s found some experimental drug from Russia and he wants it: now, but it’s not FDA approved. So while Denny plays with the Shirley Schmidt life size doll (don’t ask – long story) he sends his legal attack dog Alan to go get it. And maybe they will… because next week everyone is off to the Supreme Court to argue Denny’s case (and I presume everything else David E. wants to get off his chest) for the two hour finale – because this is America, where everyone gets to complain.

Two Cents

I know people tend to roll their eyes when Alan goes off on one of his David E. Kelley Memorial lectures, but come on people! This is the penultimate episode. Throw me a frickin bone here: I want a little bit of a HURRAH before the show finishes and Bill Shatner goes off to do Priceline commercials. Please put in your two cents. Did you love the zany political debates or do you think James Spader is an irritating git – and what’s with that weird hand gesture anyway?