Picture someone straight, white, male, middle class, reasonably young, British, mediocre and nerdy. This person is about as close to being me as anyone is ever going to get. I enjoy reading, writing, drawing, shitty puns, meta-humour, repeating myself, and meta-humour. The internet takes up a larger portion of my life than it perhaps should.

SCP-2668 (We who are about to die salute you):

SCP-2668 is an extradimensional region resembling the Roman Colosseum (undamaged, appearing as it would have at the time of its construction) and a small quantity of surrounding landscape.

Coming soon…

SCP-2856 (Machines, machinations, and a warehouse in Leipzig):

SCP-2856 is a large warehouse located on the outskirts of Leipzig, Germany, formerly owned by █████ Logistics…

My third SCP and my most successful to date. The toasterMan scene was ripped almost entirely from a nightmare I had (it's a strange day when your subconscious is a better writer than you), and the narrative just seemed to congeal around it. I knocked out a first draft in a matter of hours, but didn't return to it for months — I'm extremely glad that I did. While it went through modifications to fit various different formats (including a tale that I was sorry to abandon), it returned to something resembling the original SCP article and did surprisingly well for itself.

There's not much more to say about this one. It's dark, it's got body-horror, and I've hidden a very, very subtle Easter-egg relating to a fairly popular Series IV scip. 100 MalicePoints™ to anyone who can find it.

SCP-3317 (Libre La Livres):

SCP-3317 is a composite narrative, manifesting entirely through text presented via the written word…

This was my first SCP, and went through a butt-ton of editing and revising before metamorphosing into the beautiful pseudo-Communist bibliovore you see before you today. Initially, it was a fairly basic format screw, with the Supreme Government of the Amalgamated Union of the Textual Plane taking over the 3317 slot. While reasonably interesting, it (ironically) lacked any kind of narrative, and the format screw angle was eventually ditched in favour of the current layout. I love it to pieces, and have a tale in the works about an encounter with a certain library-based GOI…

SCP-3663 (The Adventure of the Cardboard Box):

SCP-3663 is a humanoid entity constructed primarily from cardboard (in the form of boxes and tubes), adhesive tape, and twine…

Ah yes, my second SCP article, and my first real attempt to convey a structured narrative. I had a much clearer picture of what I wanted to do this time round, and got to posting a lot more quickly than with 3317. Certain details have been changed along the way, and the narrative's been re-ordered and clarified more times than I care to count, but the central theme and ideas have remained the same throughout. Consider this one an experiment into the lands of humanoid Keters, and one that's been moderately successful. I'll probably get around to re-writing the dialogue at some point.

Ex Nihilo Nihil:

They open the door, and my body freezes. The light is so bright it burns, and although I have no eyes to see it I know it is there. They move slowly around me, and I cannot run. I can never run, even when they no longer see me. I am a slave to myself, and to my shapeless limbs.

Believe it or not, this was my first successful contribution to the site. It was (as far as I can recall) a coldpost, and was written in an evening for the 173-fest. It's a little too purple, a little too pretentious, and could have been structured better, but it holds a special place in my heart — it's lack of failure gave me the confidence to start writing more, both on the site and off.

The World Forgetting, By The World Forgot:

It wouldn't be a proper blackout/memory-loss drama without a poorly worded message from his previous self.

Remember when 055 didn't have multiple contrasting headcanons? Me neither. This was my first narrative, and my first original character. I'd been bouncing the idea around for weeks, but finally plucked up the courage to write it after seeing the (moderate) success of "Ex Nihilo Nihil".

As for why I chose fifty-five as the subject, I suppose I've just always loved it. It's insanely popular, so was obviously one of the first I read, and I just found it to be one of the most creative, cleverly-written entries I've ever seen. I was desperate to explore exactly why it was Keter class, and wanted to write something pleasantly cynical and futile — throughout the drafting process Lloyd essentially turned into my self-insert.

I'm planning on revisiting it eventually, once I've sorted out the rest of the story, so, uh… watch this space, I suppose? I was probably going to say something else about the tale, or 055 in general, but I can't for the life of me think what it was.

OTHER STUFF:

I can often be found on #site19 under the nickname "MaliceAforethought", "MaliceAF", or some variant thereof. I am usually willing to crit anything reasonably short, or anything long if it's reasonably good. I suck at developing ideas, but will happily correct tone, grammar, spelling, and other such things. I plug my own pages relentlessly, and will check out everyone else's if I have enough time and energy. Do not start a pun war you cannot finish; my record is 23 minutes of god-awful hilarity.

At this point, you're probably thinking something along the lines of "is there anything this guy can't do?" Well guess what, I've done an art page as well! I update it semi-regularly whenever I can be bothered, take requests, and the art is mediocre but improving.

You can find/investigate/hunt down/plagiarise/downvote my 'art' under the semi-hilarious title of Malicious Content.

I needed something to fill out my page a bit, so I guess it would be good to show off some other people's stuff. "But Malice!", I hear you cry, "This is your author page, why would you show off the works of people who are clearly superior? Does that not make you look worse?" To which I reply, shut up.

I really like Mobile Task Forces, and use them a lot. Here are the ones I was responsible for!

Name/designation

Description

Articles it's used in

MTF-Chi-9 ("Page Turners")

A fairly small (around a dozen agents) task force, specialising in tracking down anomalous literature that is extant in the real world. Responsible for the initial containment of SCP-3317 and its subsequent breaches, as well as various anomalous texts, editions of books, or anything that requires a good background knowledge of literature, and an ability to skim texts for errors or anomalies. Always has at least one D-Class on-hand as a cognitohazard verifier.

An entirely weaponless task force, whose sole responsibility is to track down SCP-3663 and wrangle it into a 'mobile pipe network' — essentially a large truck with a small maze on the back. Armed with fire-retardant foam and de-humidifiers, and a sense of indignation that they don't carry guns. Very skilled at amnestic distribution.

Plain-clothes, at least for the most part. Infiltrate museums and landmarks involved in suspected anomalous activity, and aim to stop it without damaging anything. Less 'all guns blazing', more stealth and precision. Imagine a cross between University lecturers and skilled assassins — that's Xi-Kai. Very knowledgeable about history in general, with topics distributed fairly evenly across the group. Originally created in response to SCP-2668, but now moving on to other things.

Foundation researcher acting as an antimemetic specialist for those portions of the Foundation unaware of the Antimemetic and Counterceptual Divisions. Killed along with the rest of humanity when 055 breaches containment, but lasting a little longer due to his stockpile of mnestics. Incredibly cynical, reasonably intelligent, and unforgivably British.

An ectoentropologist1 formerly stationed at Site-898 to study SCP-2794. Currently trapped in a cycle of life and death within SCP-2668, though he escaped for a period between 2003 and 2042. Considered a legend among Foundation staff, and has a Foundation Star on hold for when/if he dies for the final time. Labelled as Permanently MIA on all official records.

A site with little to no permanent containment. Specialises in helping contain and/or suppress anomalies that, for one reason or another, can't be stored at a permanent location. Generally low-risk, with a large library, vehicle hangars, and non-anomalous research facilities. Located on the outskirts of Leipzig, Germany, and may or may not be isolated from the rest of the Foundation due to certain incidents.

A small site, with only around 5 personnel present at any one time. Focuses on monitoring SCP-2668-3, and doesn't contain any other anomalies. Used as an informal 'holiday location' for stressed personnel — they can rest and relax, doing nothing more stressful than filling out paperwork and working on their tan.

A prominent Italian site for extradimensional research. 3km from the site of the Pompeii ruins (and HS-080), containing low-risk anomalous entities and objects. Central research area for information related to SCP-2668.