BOSTON--In his new book Idiot: Beating the Curse and Enjoying the Game of Life, Red Sox star Johnny Damon confesses to cheating on his first wife several times with dozens of different women. The most shocking revelation comes in the third chapter when he admits to having sex with nine different women while his wife was in labor.

In an interview with David Letterman, Damon played down the incidents, saying he was “just trying to have some fun.”

“You know, I’m kind of a wild man,” he said. “I love to have fun, you know. Well, when my wife went into labor, it was kind of a drag. It was taking forever and I had to sit there and wait. But I’m not the kind of person who can sit still for too long, so I went out into the halls looking for a little adventure. Well I found it. I banged 9 nurses during my wife’s 36-hour labor. It was a lot more fun than sitting in that stuffy little room and listening to her complain.”

Damon went on to describe the encounters in graphic detail.

“I got bored in the delivery room so I decided to go for a walk down the hall,” he said. “And you know how it is being a major league ballplayer. There are always plenty of girls available, if you know what I mean. I met the first one as she was wheeling an old unconscious guy down the hall. She said ‘Hey, you’re Johnny Damon from the Royals, right?’ I said ‘Yes’ and we had sex right there. That’s one.”

“Numbers two, three, and four happened simultaneously,” he continued. “They were candy stripers or something, I don’t know. Just a few teenagers. They were by the water fountain I was drinking out of after I banged the first girl. Well, once they realized who I was, we all went right into the bathroom and had a foursome, all while my wife was in labor. It probably sounds cruel, but you have to understand that I can’t be tied down to being a ‘husband’ and ‘father.’ I wanted to live. I wanted to do things like fish, rock climb, wind surf, and commit adultery.”

The rest of the women were also nurses, including the one who was assisting in the delivery of Damon’s first born son.

“She was pretty hot, especially when she was screaming ‘Push! Harder! Harder! Man, that was sexy,” he said. “So I just looked at her, she looked at me, and the next thing you know we were screwing our brains out on the bed next to my wife. My wife was all screaming at me and calling me names. But that’s how she was. She always liked to nag. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and we had to go in a different room. I could still hear her nagging, though, so I had the doctor wheel her bed out to the parking lot.”

In the book, Damon describes his first wife, Angie Vannice, as an overbearing nuisance who cramped his style and prevented him from having fun and living his life. However, Vannice disputed that account and accused Damon of being more interested in partying than taking care of his family.

“I think it’s absolutely absurd that he would come out and say those things,” said Vannice. “He’s actually bragging about cheating on me while I was sitting at home with the kids. And that story about the nurse at the hospital? That’s typical Johnny. He started having sex with her on the bed next to me while I was in labor. As you can imagine, I was pissed. I knew Johnny loved women, but he had never taken his obsession this far. This was the nurse that was delivering my baby, for God’s sake. Not only that, she was about 70 years old. I guess he didn’t put that in the book.”

Still, Damon refuses to apologize for his actions. Right or wrong, the self proclaimed “idiot” says he has no regrets.

“Hey, that’s just the way I was back then. I wasn’t happy in my marriage, and that’s just how I dealt with it,” he said. “See, ballplayers are a different breed. With all the women throwing themselves at you, it can be hard to resist. I can’t even keep track of all the girls I slept with back then. Half of time I didn’t even know their names. My ex-wife, she was a nice lady but she wasn’t right for me. She was, like, totally obsessed with being a caring mother and doting over our children. Boring!”

Damon also said he is working on a sequel to the book in which he admits to cheating on his current wife.

Copyright 2003, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and not intended as actual news. Duh!