Virtudyne: The Digital Donkey

Ack!! At first I thought you were trying to wipe out the conclusions drawn about Virtudyne from the previous three parts. But I read it a second time, and it seems more like you've planned that paraphernalia and this donkeyish ending.

I think I just blew a mental fuse trying to figure out if this could possibly be for real, or if Alex has just decided to see how gullible we all are. I'd like to think this level of stupidity is impossible, but I've seen so many counter-examples... and the people who thought they'd identified the company, yesterday, had some pretty good supporting details.

I think I'm just going to file it under "That was an entertaining and diverting tale; who cares if it's true or not?"

Though I must say, when I first saw "Digital Donkey", I couldn't help but wonder if it was supposed to be a coded reference to eMule. But you can't access eMule in places where there's no Internet. In a WTFish way, having it be an actual donkey makes more "sense". (For suitably WTFish values of "sense".)

Okay, I had no problem whatsoever believing the first three parts of this story but I absolutely, positively, cannot believe this Digital Donkey thing. Sorry, I just cannot see how any company could ever think that something like that would be feasible, much less a marketable idea.

This is probably the first TDWTF article that I have honestly believed was a fabrication.

[Counterpoint from Alex: Keep in mind that the product's target customer was large munciplaities with several million dollars to invest in their communities. I believe that the Digital Donkey was an attempt to get the rural folks excited about computers/email/internet/etc and therefore encourage their government to buy it through Virtudyne]

Based on the "India" reference, I would think that SimIndiana has something to do with Digital Donkey.

I met Lou Walters Jr. and heard a few tales about him from a former SimDesk employee (who will remain nameless). What I thought was really funny was that Lou hated their intranet system. They contacted me to build one for them and after a few long discussions, we went with Joomla (fairly customized by the time it was done). The people that I sat with were dedicated, sharp, people who worked their butts off to make the site look good and be something that people would want to use. I have nothing but good things to say about them. Nevertheless, there were pretty good tales about other people in the organization.

You know... I've thought about this a few times, and the sad thing is, there is an eery logic to it. Step A leads to Step B leads to hell.

1) Microsoft runs everything...2) We have to go somewhere where Microsoft doesn't have a foothold...3) When asked, developer X answered (to his mind, sarcastically) "On top of Mt. Everest, or maybe in the rain-forest".4) Management, lacking the genes required to take a joke and fire the guy like a sane person, pondered...5) They have no electricity in those places... so we'll use Solar Energy... ANY dolt knows that.6) How do we get the equipment there? Well, they say that there's no terrain that can't stop a donkey.

The one head-scratcher I can't come up with an answer to, however is... how did they expect to profit from this? I mean, Zimbu of the Kishyerwytassgbye tribe doesn't exactly have a matress stuffed full of U.S. currency that fell from the sky. They'd be lucky to have animal hides.

And who the hell would know about it? They might get some publicilty from Missionaries or "Save-The-Poor-Starving-Children" groups who happened to noticed the bionic mule saunter bye, but I'd think the publicity would be more along the lines of "WE'RE GOING TO BE ASSIMILATED!!". I mean, Dan Rather doesn't just parchute into the jungle from time-to-time to see if there's any news he hasn't reported on yet... does he?

I'm soooooo divided... I mean, I want to believe that corporate America can be this stupid... because on many instinctual levels, I already believe that... but then there's the part of me that has hope that mankind will one day struggle bravely out of its dark, black hole of ignorance, and stand proudly upon the mountains of mutual love, understanding and peace.

The mere suggestion that this might be a true story has called all that into doubt.

Thanks Alex. Now I'm Schizophrenic (Take as many pot-shots at the spelling as you like... see if I care... just don't do it when Eddie - that's my other personality - is out... you've been warned).

If you don't believe that this could happen, you haven't been around the block... I'll admit that I myself haven't traveled all the way around yet, but this story isn't that far-fetched. I really don't know if the Donkey thing was legit though. It was probably more like the people who knew the idea was retarded picked a donkey when talking about it to try and emphasize the stupidity of the idea. Sometimes though, stupid people get confused and forget that they don't have good judgement. So retarded...

I'd actually be surprized if OS isn't involved here somewhere. I tried to get a closer look at the applications on their website, but for some reason larger images aren't available. The images didn't look like Windows images. The icons/menus were too big to have been created in Visual C++ or VB.

Based on the "India" reference, I would think that SimIndiana has something to do with Digital Donkey.

The funny thing is, I live in Indiana and I had never heard of SimIndiana until I read this story. So even if this story isn't about SimDesk, the Indiana government pored tax money into SimIndiana and no one is even using it.

I think we have a winner! Check the news box. And, boy, did they spend a lot of time redesigning their web site. (Try the older ones---the newer sites are framefests which just load in the current site.)

Wow, this posting system is complete whack. I'm having to use the HTML Source Editor to type at all in Opera. Even the captcha ("java") would have been a better technology to use than this DHTML abortion.

I'll tell you what really scares me about this... the potential military applications.

Think about it... hundreds... thousands of roving donkeys fanning out along the countryside, each armed with a small Nuclear warhead... going places where even a missle can't get... self-sustaining, limitless in range, proximity-triggered detonators... this could be the end of the world as we know it.

At least the idea wasn't the "HTTP Hippo." Although that would add more body surface to strap stuff on, then they would have had to water proof everything. Oh yeah, and probably deal with lawsuits when a hippo ate an end user.

I'll tell you what really scares me about this... the potential military applications.

Think about it... hundreds... thousands of roving donkeys fanning out along the countryside, each armed with a small Nuclear warhead... going places where even a missle can't get... self-sustaining, limitless in range, proximity-triggered detonators... this could be the end of the world as we know it.

Microsoft was, for a while, developing a software similar to "Virtudyne's". It was called NetDocs (http://www.google.com/search?q=microsoft+netdocs) and had similar functionality to what's been described. Of course, the project was scrapped, parts were merged into Office (infopath).

I'm willing to call Shinanigan's on this, because it's just so umbelieveable, however it is funny.

I believe it because I worked for a Virtudyne. During the boom, didn't we all?

This company made video-on-demand systems. The CEO's rescue plan was to merge with a company that made satellite antennas. This would free us from the tyranny of RF cables and allow us to put movies on demand into, among other things, agricultural combines. No, I didn't make that up, the CEO really proposed to do that.

It's a standard strategy when you take over a company with nothing except a product that sucks: find dumb customers.

The CEO was a nice guy and an outside the box thinker, he just didn't belong anywhere near an executive job.

They wanted the US government and other governments to pay for it with taxpayer money. (Modesto, Illinois, etc.)

Yes, I know who "Rob" is. Yes, I know that's not his real name. Yep, it happened like he says except for some slight variation on the initial investment amounts. I remember the amounts differently. (But, I might not remember correctly.) He wasn't there then. I was.

They wanted the US government and other governments to pay for it with taxpayer money. (Modesto, Illinois, etc.)

Yes, I know who "Rob" is. Yes, I know that's not his real name. Yep, it happened like he says except for some slight variation on the initial investment amounts. I remember the amounts differently. (But, I might not remember correctly.) He wasn't there then. I was.