So I tried to make soap. I’ve done it before and it’s been a huge success. Everyone got lovely soapy gifts for Christmas and I got a warm fuzzy feeling because all of my friends were happy.

I wanted to do it again this year but decided to invent my own recipe.

Yup. I bet you can see where this is going.

Using tea, lye and rapeseed oil, I have essentially created gritty caustic snot. The consistency is like nothing I’ve ever seen before, with a layer of fat and a layer of browny liquid, all on top of a gritty jelly. And what stings the most is that I wasted perfectly good tea making this abomination! Tea I could have drunk!