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Chapter 34: O! Unpronounceable Defender!

Lo a great and terrible noise struck the WORLD and the VOID. Between the IS and the NOT opened the door.

Through the door came through YVQ*!GP defender of green fees and the rhythm method. Striding through, YVQ*!GP swung about the holy Pointy - Flag - Thing - Usually - in - a - Golf - Green - Hole and struck the Huge World. The world shivered, stars fell, and condoms lost integrity.

Salk mightily did not appreciate this uninvited guy coming in and mucking up his greens, as well as those neato stars. He also wondered what those Dark Lemming guys were doing since he'd been so nice as to bring them back to the World so they *could* in fact do something.

YVQ*!GP observed the Lemmings on the AstroTurf and was most displeased. Lo, not one divot did he see upon the greens. Yea, niblicks and putters were free of dirt and grass stains. Nowhere did YVQ*!GP not see the abominable AstroTurf.

A vision overcame YVG*!GP and it spoke. "Oh by the blessed sod, I see most curiously accoutered runners upon the AstroTurf. I see a most fell oblong bladder carried by one of these runners. Hark! I see injuries! By the 49 and the Bo, this must not be!"

YVG*!GP mightily shook its head. And from its head sprung forth the seeds of the Kentucky Blue and the Bermuda.

YVG*!GP saw that the seeds fell upon the most unfertile AstroTurf and lay there, wanting for nourishment. Turning to the Lemmings, it said "By the High and the Low, the ones of not the Par shall forever give unto the seeds!"

So it came to be that those who mocked the keepers of the greens fell upon all fours and changed most strangely. Two horns appeared on their heads, a long tail grew from their nether end, and most curious of all, they took upon the appearance of the singing Jersey Maids. A loud "Mooo!" was heard across the land followed by a "plop!"