I even chose to post this gorg picture of you. Dang, what is wrong with me!?

Dear Cathy the Cougar,

I have something to confess. I said something nice about you. I don’t know what came over me, but…. I stuck up for you. Moon likes to play devil’s advocate most of the time, but I don’t even think she was doing that when we chatted. I think her anger/bitterness/hate was real. And I normally agree, but… but…..I didn’t this time. You should do something to get on Moon’s good side- maybe send Ned Bellamy (aka Buttcrack Santa) her way with a basket of different Margarita mixes for the holidays.

Here’s how it went down: Yesterday in the comments, LTT reader Ish had a random thought:

I was thinking about how poor Cathy the cougemaster gets a rough deal from us and I suddenly realized – She actually cracked it the most. I mean, the undercurrent of sexuality (puts on tweed petticoat) but seriously, yes, NM and Eclipse were better in most things but didn’t have me getting all hot and bothered and having to sort myself afterwards. Bring back Cath! (actually not really but maybe they could ask her advice on a few things…)

and an email conversation ensued…. then I figured out how to make iTunes work again on my work computer & it happened- you know- it’s happened to all Twilight fans: We’re just minding our own business- projecting our budgets for First Quarter 2011, and we hear it- and visions of Edward Cullen come dancing in our heads:

UC: Ohhhhhhh- The Black Ghosts song from Twilight just came on my iTunes! GOSH. WHY does this movie bring up different emotions in me than the others? like.. I just got gooey in my bellyMoon: Seriously. when I watched Twilight on Thanksgiving I was like REALLY HAPPY

I barely even miss these two

UC: Moon, is it possible that we want Cathy the cougar back? Did the guys (the DILF & the short one) who did the next two movies not capture the same emotion? Like.. I want to watch Twilight again. Right now. At 3 pm in the afternoon on my work computer- think if I close my door I can download a bootleg & get away with it? I don’t feel the same way about the other movies. I don’t want to watch New Moon- I’m not even excited to watch Eclipse this weekend.. WHY!? Twilight is the WORST made- the worst acted, it had the worst wigs, but yet…. I love it more. Do I actually have to thank Cathy!?Moon: NO. God no!! Never say that!!! And I’m actually kinda excited to finally see Eclipse againUC: but WHYYYYY Moon? Why do we feel that way about Twilight!? And not the other movies? Wait- you’re excited to see Eclipse? I’m not. Why aren’t we exactly the same? We can’t be different. We’re UC & Moon. That’s like Bert & Ernie, Simon & Garfunkel, Lennon & McCartney or Bella & Edward……Moon: I just am excited! I seriously can’t remember most of it. Does Chris Hansen have a cameo?UC: I mean….maybe I’m excited.. let me see…. (thinking)…. No. Nope…I’m not….. but dang.. I’m in a Twi-gushy mood listening to this song…..Moon: It’ll be like seeing Eclipse again for the first timeUC: Like you’re an Eclipse-virgin- A Born again virgin!!!!Moon: I am!UC: Ish just wrote this in an email:

“Twilight was so sensual without anything happening except for a few chaste kisses, and I bet many ladies went home from the cinema and had the need to ravish someone, even if it was the taxI driver on their way home! I didn’t get that feeling with NM or Eclipse. “

UC: I think that’s SO interesting and true- like THAT KISS!!!!! on the bed… SIGH…I think that’s why I was a little disappointed with leg hitch- even though technically it was all one could dream of in a leg hitch scene- I mean the leg was CLEARLY hitched…What else could you want? It’s exactly what we asked for….Moon: Right.. it was hot…UC: but… it was just…. a lot…. and sometimes.. too much- or even “just enough” is not as hot as holding back- or sexual tension. It’s expected- it’s so much hotter when it’s unexpected- or unfulfilled.Moon: I really think it all goes back to the newness of Twilight. It wasn’t a big deal to anyone but its fans. No one knew what Rob and Kristen were like as Edward and Bella. We didn’t know how it would all look (Blue!)

I could be your new mommy, UC!

UC: Awwww- I even miss the blue!Moon: and the fandom wasn’t full on coocoo bananas like they are nowUC: Totally true. So does Cathy the Cougar get ANY of the credit?Moon: Sure, she gets some, I mean, she made the movie. Like she (with the help of a lot of people) got it ON the screenUC: Why do I sound like I have some sort of sympathy for her? I need to look at some pictures- remember that she reminds me of my dad’s ex fianceeMoon: yea you need to watch ONE interview with her and get the hate back

But I didn’t. In fact, I did the opposite. Well, if you consider the opposite to be: leaving work, going home, going to yoga class & thinking about YOUR original Twilight anytime the instruction said “say your mantra to get through the pain.” So it’s not a video montage featuring your epic hairstyles. It’s not a proclamation to the Twilight world that YOU are the originator of Robsten, but it’s a close second. I thought of you during the downward dog. And if that’s not a 180 from my usual dreams of secretly videotaping getting you drunk on watermelon margs while getting you to spill about Nikki Reed/Mike Arangano/K Stew gossip, then I don’t know what is!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

So what do you think? Do you feel a different connection to Twilight than you do the other movies? Do you think it’s Cathy the Cougar’s craziness? Do you wish you could knock one or 12 back with her at a neighborhood Applebees? How much does “Little Red Riding Hood” look exactly like Twilight? Did I get off topic?

Ps: We know change is hard, but we changed our comments. And the change is here to stay b/c Moon & I love it & we’re the bosses 🙂 Best thing to do is register yourself a Disqus account (the second option on the left when you sign in to comment) and use the same email address you used before- it will either automatically pick your own avatar (if you uploaded one before) or give you the option to do so. Otherwise you get an apple. And yes, it looks as though Disqus does NOT have an option for thumbsdowning. Which is sadtimes for the haters & janetrigs. 🙁

“Shiloh was my runner-up for Edward in “Twilight” but he and Kristen [Stewart] didn’t have the instant chemistry lock that is now well-known.”

Ohhh Cathy- give it a rest! We know- YOU are the reason for the magicness. It was probably in front of YOUR fireplace that they first made love on the bear skin. It was on YOUR video camera that their connection was first noticed and you watch it every night before you go to bed because it’s “Groovy.” We know. And until you release that video with the proof of the “magicness” no one cares…

In other news, I’ll probably see this movie. If not in the theaters, definitely when it’s on that free movie channel On Demand.

Dear Charlie,

It has come to our attention that tomorrow is “Have sex with a guy with a mustache” day. It’s for Cancer. It would be horrible if it didn’t happen. And you see…… you’re the only one I know with a mustache right now. So I’m just putting it out there- I’m willing. For cancer, and all. And since tomorrow is the official “Have sex with a guy with a mustache day,” I can bet there are tons of others who feel the same way.

Born-again virgin no more! Get out that little comb & make it happen. There are plenty of gals who wouldn’t mind a mustache ride. For cancer, of course.

Today’s Monday post is quite scattered because that’s how I roll these days. My mind is everywhere. Work is SO busy (for you newbies- blogging about vampires unfortunately does not pay the bills, so I have a full-time job of making people want to buy hot tubs); I’ve been spending what moments I can catching up with friends I have neglected unintentionally over the last 6 months; getting acquainted with the city of Philadelphia into which I recently moved & am falling in love with; helping my husband start a business which so far pays nothing but requires the attention of a high-paying job; figuring out how to pay the bills while one of us has a no-paying job & occasionally trying to sleep. Plus my cats are mad at me at acting out. Seriously- cats act out? Apparently.

Anyway, with all of that on my mind, I feel so out of the Twi-loop. So I hopped over to one of my favorite sites: TwiCrack Addict- to find out what has been going on and… well, I guess there hasn’t been much of a “loop” to be out of. Aren’t all the cast members IN New Orleans? How is there NOTHING going on?

Not to mention I miss my partner. The best part (and what makes the stress worth it part) of blogging for the past (almost) two years is: Moon. You know- this girl:

Whether it’s talking about life outside of Twilight, laughing about things that made us fall in love with the saga in the first place or just chatting about new music, friends in common & people that drive us BOTH nuts, Moon is my Twi-soul mate. And she’s been equally as busy as I have been- plus she’s been away for the past few days with her family- so my Twi-mojo seems to have gone with her. Or it’s locked up in a hotel or conference room or sound stage where the Twilight cast members are! Anyway, what little news I DID find is this:

Reneeessemmeee:

This girl is FREAKIN’ adorable:

Although 8 years older than Renesemee should be, I trust Bill Condon & Stephenie Meyer. I mean, I think. I mean….. damn.. time to start praying & fasting for Breaking Dawn……

Also she’s wayyyy to young to be posing like this:

Ashley Greene- stay away from this child. You are not the influence say, Nikki Reed should be- I mean.. Kristen Stewart.. no wait…. umm…… How about she hangs out with Taylor & Selena Gomez? Boo Boo Stewart? Is there a “I’m keeping it in my pants” Twilight cast members club? She should go there. And to Chuck E. Cheese with Big Daddy. You know he’s been begging Taylor to introduce them so he can ask her if they can go on a “Big Daddy & adopted daughter date.” Ever since last year, Taylor is no longer interested in going…. Also Chris Hansen is bound to be there watching to make sure no funny business goes on- and I miss the guy!

Eclipse DVD:

So the DVD is coming out soon, huh? December 4th to be exact (yep, had to look that one up. My how times have changed! I WENT to a Twilight DVD release party. Not so much this time around…)

It got me thinking about my Twilight DVD & how i have no idea where it is. And- quite possibly going to blow your mind alert- I can’t even remember if I ever bought New Moon on DVD. SHOCK! I probably did, but I honestly have no idea. Is that weird? Am I alone here? I’ve talked about those two movies SO much that it’s just hard for me to want to break them out and pop them in the DVD player. I think it’ll have to be a few years away from all of “This” before I want to watch them again.

Cathy Hardi:

Always the fashion icon:

She writes our jokes FOR us! She’s trying to class it up at this event- this isn’t the time to slam down the Ultimate Cougarita. No- she’s hoping for a Martini to take her name tonight- maybe just something called “The Cathy” or “The Hardi.” Berry-flavored, of course. What else could those tights mean?

Of course you guys know that we’re NOT you and we don’t answer emails written to characters or Rob (unless we’re bored and intern Rob needs busy work) but we definitely read them, pass them back and forth and then post them here for all of us to enjoy. You can’t get the crazy in your inbox and NOT share with your pals!

Dear Stephenie,

This letter is for you personally… I am a fan but I’m not obsessed with it… I just want to know why you didn’t have more go on with bella and jacob… I think it would have be better if you had edward leave for a reason and bella went to jacob… they go off to college to get away from it all and then….. edward make an appearance… bella think she’s thinks she is seeing things and doesn’t think to much… but than she starts seeing him more and more… then……………… jacob and edward start battling for bella because she can no longer choose between them… that book should have been between the thrid and fouth… Also in the fourth one you shouldn’t make jacob fall in love with a baby… I’m just saying this because people on my rez even agree with me

Love,
Britbrit

Dear Britbrit,

I’m glad you’re not one of “those fans.” You know, the kind that writes a letter to a random blog thinking it’s me, thinking I’m just looking for new story lines for my completed saga that doesn’t fit into the original story AT ALL. I’m thankful you’re not that kind of fan. Thanks for the ideas, I’ll consider them.

Oh and tell your rez to suck it. I like the baby.

Love and kisses,
SMeyer (not really)

hey catherine hardwicke

i was just wondering if you would consider reading a series for me and maybe start making the movies. i know its probably a really kinda dumb thing to do but i really like this book and i thinkk you could do some amazing stuff with it! it is called the house of night series and the books are called marked betrayed chosen untamed hunted and tempted. and i was also wondering if you took these books and made them in to movies if i could play a part in them i have always wanted to be an actress and maybe even some charicters from the twilight saga movies i think taylor lautner would be good in it and same with nikki reed and ashley greene! so i was just wondering if you would at least consider it thanx so much i really do want you to read the book i think you would enjoy them thanx. please reply back!!

tasyna

Dear Tasyna,

What about US?!

Love,
Robert and Kristen

PS Catherine Hardwicke wasn’t available to answer this email as it conflicted with her pre-scheduled ribbon cutting ceremony at the Anaheim TGIFridays. She sends her regards. We think.

I have this question for Kristen. Where did you go for acting classes? I have been thinking of starting up acting, but I don’t know where to start.

Peace,
Anna
92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the 8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Dear Anna,

Why the Kristen Stewart School of Acting, of course! I created my own method. It’s like breathing. You should try it.

Love,
Kristen

PS 92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the 8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Oh you crazies, you never fail to make our day… or at least make the 2 minutes it takes for us to read these missives of whackadoo. Please never stop and we’ll never stop NOT replying to you.

xoxo,
Moon

Who wants to volunteer to be our LTT intern to read all this mail? Should we make Rob the intern come over here and answer this mail as well? Are you one of “those fans?” And what about that Abercrombie line, are kids still wearing that stuff? I wore some of that in high school!

Word on the street (courtesy of your picture or tip to the rags) is that you got matching tattoos with your brother last week. Of course my mind started racing, thinking about what your tattoo could be… a name, a saying, a memorial piece commemorating your fake lesbianship gone wrong with Kristen. So of course I hit the emails to see what my pals thought it could be. Because what else is there to wonder about then your new tattoo and the endless possibilities of laughs there could be? Witness the resulting email train as we try to deduce what the tattoo could be…

@moon – nikki reed got a tattoo… your guesses for what the tattoos says or is… AND GO!

@brookelockart– my gut says it’s the shocker symbol and below it reads “Two in the Pink – One in the Stink.” All in cursive cause that’s classy

@calliopeblabs – it matches her brothers correct? therefore i’m going to guess it says “legalize it… sibling lovin'” OR “its ok in KY” i’ve no idea what sort of relationship nikki reed has with her brother. however… it wouldn’t surprise me. i mean, where exactly do you go after rob?

@pinkfluffgirl – Obviously, a bleeding heart and then KSTEW 4EVA ….OR F U Rob….
“But I loved her first” is most likely. In Curly Cue font. Because that’s lipstick lesbian-y

@brookelockart – What if they went his and her cholo and chola tatts?? Tattooed tears? She does look like she’d cutabitch.

@UC – “I FKD ROB” but that’s just what i’d get

@veryemerald – I’d go with tick marks like when you are counting by 5’s and the fifth line goes across the first four. Probably be easier to keep track of all the men she has been and will continue to sleep with to try and get that “Rob” feeling back. and when people ask she can make something up like “oh its just the number of time I’ve prayed with Kellan”…

@obird – One of two things: “Get a Bitch or be a Bitch” OR my favorite “Boobs in the Shoes”

@brookelockart – “CONFIRMED WITHOUT WORDS”

@tiffanized – It’s easier to guess what it’s NOT. Like it’s definitely not “Natural Blonde” or “True Love Waits”. My official guess is . . . a portrait of Catherine Hardwicke, since she obviously sold her soul to C-Hard in order to be cast as the most beautiful female vampire in Twilight.

@moon – tested and approved: hepatitis free!

Then the big guns started coming out… and by big guns obviously I mean bored girls with photoshop…

DING DING DING!!! I think we have a winner! The perfect combination of bitchiness, anger and wistfulness all wrapped up into a little memento you’ll have forever, Nikki. If this is really it, we may never know… or we may just have to wait a few weeks till it heals and can be seen perfectly by the paparazzi lenses.

Call us if you want to reveal it exclusively on LTT!
Themoonisdown

So what’s your guess? What is Nikki Reed’s tattoo? A saying, an image, a dolphin jumping through a rainbow hoop with Rob riding on it’s back? Weigh in on your guess in the comments