Diary Of A 5-Year-Old: Is That Write?

My mummy says I shouldn't have anything to worry about at my age. But I am worried. I can't write yet, or read. Writing and reading look really hard. I don't think I'll ever be able to do it. I wish I could though. Dad says that I'll learn all that when I go to school. But my friend Emily can write her name already. I can't. If I could write I would write a book about frogs and helicopters.

Mummy and daddy don't have anything to worry about. They can read and write. They are big and are allowed to do everything like go on all the rides at the pleasure park and stay up really late and watch whatever they want on TV and wear whatever they want to.

I can't drive either. How am I going to get places if I can't drive. When dad drives we have Mr Tom Tom to tell us where to go. It's good because when dad gets lost he doesn't like to tell people. I told mummy it is really good we have Mr Tom Tom now so daddy won't have to ask people for erections. He hates doing that. She laughed loads when I said that but I still think it's a good idea.

I hope when I go to school that I learn to read and write and drive. Oh and will I get one of those little plastic card so I can get money out of the wall to buy a car?