Fixing Things #1: - or - Patricia's Table Lamp

I’m minding my own bidness about a week ago, when this happens: My neighbor, Patricia, and her brother, Alejandro come walking up the driveway, carrying this lovely lamp table. (I’d never met Patricia before. Go figure. She’s lived across the street and three houses up for seventeen years. And it took her brother, who lives about thirty miles away, up in “The Valley”, and works for a Beverly Hills furniture maker – on Melrose Place, no less – breaking the lovely lamp table he has just brought her – his boss gives him stuff – in order for me to make her acquaintance.) The first words out of his mouth are, “Can you fix this for us?” “Why, sure,” said I. There was a dowel connecting the upper dish to the top of the telescoping stanchion that I had to very carefully drill out and replace. That’s all. But, no. That’s not all. I am ME, you know. I gotta learn something. So I took a lot of photos while watching the glue dry. I’ve seen these things, and always thought it’d be cool to make such things. If only I knew how they’re put together. Now I know. And I also now have a lead on a very high-dollar furniture and art store.

That’s an actual wax candle. That is the part that Alejandro makes. And he does the wiring. In case you wonder why he didn’t fix it himself.

Ah HA! So it’s NOT a lamp… it’s a candle stand! You shoulda told us that up front, instead of trying to disguise the fact that this was all a ruse to get this lady a date ! She has been admiring you from afar, and she FINALLY figured out a way to meet you. She just had to get all her ducks in a row… Invite the brother up for a visit, then while he’s goes back to the car for his luggage, she runs out all upset.

Patricia: “Alas, my brother! I have broken the lamp that our dear mother had bequeathed to me from her deathbed! Oh,What shall I do? What shall I do?”

Alejandro: “Fear not, dear sister, for in my village I am a craftsman who specializes in the making of lamps. I will save you! I can fix the lamp. (Thoughtful pause) Hmmm. But I have not brought my tools with me. Let me come inside and examine the lamp to see what repairs are necessary. Maychance there is someone here in your village who has a tool I might borrow.”

(5 minutes later he is examining the lamp) “Oh, dear sister. Thou hast deceived me. This is not a lamp. It is but a mere candlestand. It hath no ‘lectriciy within, so I am not able to repair it. I shall have need to take it with me thusly when I return to my village. I’m certain I can find a craftsman whom is capable of doing such repairs there. Let me go now, and make haste for my village. I shall return within three months time. Farewell, dear sister. I shall take my leave now, in order to hasten the repair of this fine candlestand, which once belonged to our dear, sweet mother, God rest her soul.”

Patricia: “But wait, brother dearest! I shant be able to live for three months without light. I couldn’t possibly bear to be without this wonderful candlestand for that long. There MUST be another way! ... I know! I hear tell there is a man not far from my house who has knowledge of fixing candlestands. I, as a single woman could never go to him alone, but perhaps if you would accompany me, my dear brother, we could beg his pardon and ascertain of his knowledge in the repair of said candlestand? Surely he has wood strong enough to fix me. I mean the CANDLESTAND! Surely he can fix the candlestand”

Alejandro: “As you say dear sister. Three months is a long time to be apart from such a fine candlestand, especially the one which was bequeathed to you by our dear, sweet mother on her deathbed. Perhaps you are right. Show me where this craftsman lives and we shall go there forthwith to his shop. We shall ask him if he is capable of repairing this fine candlestand, which was once our mothers. But alas sister, we have no coin. Perhaps we can offer him something in return for payment. Why, you might even fix him a supper of fish and bread. That would make ANY man a fine payment for such a repair as this. Come, dear sister. What is this craftsman’s name? We shall go to him at once.”

Patricia: “Oh Thank you, dearest brother! You have saved my day. Yes! Yes! Let us make haste and go to him. I hear he is such a fine, strapping young man. I’m SURE he can help me, I mean US ! I am sure he can help US in our dilemma. Let us go NOW, brother dear. Do not tarry, for he is busy and if we wait, I may have to linger in his shop whilst he makes the repairs. It may take a long time and you have need to return to your village. But I could stay there and await the repairs. I hear his name is Marcus. I also hear he is a fine man who has no wife. Let us go now, brother, before the day is any longer.”

Joe, get out of my head. She’s too old for me, and doesn’t speak English. (Yeah. I live in a land where people can function for several generations without learning the local language. God bless America.) Alejandro had a twenty-samolian piece in his pocket, with which he presented me, forthwith. He did leave us alone to go get his business card for me. I know a few Spanish words, but she’s utterly bereft in the English department.Above the candle is a two-fixture lamp, not clear in the photos. The candle is decorative.