DISCLAIMER - Highlander and its characters is the copyright of Rysher
and Panzer/Davis Productions and no infringement is intended. The story,
such as it is, is copyright Karen Colohan February 2000.

For Margaret - I trust you've learned your lesson now! ;-)

A MUSE SCORNED

by Karen Colohan

"You know, Methos, I think you were right. She is ignoring us. I was
brooding for at least an hour yesterday and she didn't once come to see what
it was all about."

"Yeah, well, I can't say I blame her for that. The sight of you brooding
is enough to put anyone off their lunch, so that's hardly conclusive."

"Well, thank you for your support..."

"Don't mention it, Mac. I won't. There definitely is something wrong, though.
I just daubed myself with chocolate sauce and romped three times round her
bedroom - naked! Normally that's guaranteed to get her reaching for the pen
and paper, but she didn't bat an eyelid. It was like I wasn't even there.
I think we've been dumped - and for what? Now she's consorting with a bunch
of bloody demons and vampires. I ask you, it's just so passe."

"So says the man who's 5,000 years old... But this is serious, Methos."

"Well, obviously - I mentioned the words chocolate sauce and me, naked all
in the same sentence and you're just sitting there. If there were
any justice in the world you'd have me on the floor and be screwing me senseless
by now!!"

"Can we just forget your overactive libido for a moment, old man."

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one with a hard on the size of..."

"Methos!!"

"All right, all right!"

"It is serious and we have to figure out what we're going to do about
it. I mean, she has all these stories in progress. What happens to us if
she doesn't finish them?"

"I don't know and I'm not sure I want to find out. For crying out loud, does
that mean I could be stuck behaving like a kid in that Teddy Bear story of
hers? I won't even get to have sex... or a beer! Oh no, I refuse to do it
for another moment!"

"I hadn't noticed the difference, actually."

"Oh very droll, thank you for those words of wisdom, Daddy. I think
maybe I will go and do that spot of fingerpainting on your fridge after all..."

"Why not stamp your foot and scream while you're at it! You do spoilt brat
so well."

"I really do think you're taking this whole kiddy-speak thing too far now!
But you're right; I am a bit upset. At least you feature in these stories
of hers - finished or not. She hasn't even had an idea for one where I'm
the main character in ages!"

"You're just not pushy enough, Mac. You don't ask you don't get with this
one. But I don't really see you have much to complain about. At least you
don't get Kronos trying to muscle in on your stories all the time."

"Well he's not my brother. And you shouldn't have left Alexa alone..."

"Excuse me, stop right there!! Let's just refresh our memories here...
Whose neck was I trying to save when I left her? Oh yes, yours - again -
there's a surprise!"

"All right, point taken."

"Good! And before you complain about anything else remember that you got
a trip to South Africa out of her. None of your run of the mill Paris and
Seacouver stuff. And the last I heard you were in the middle of a major angst-
fest, too. So I don't think you've got too much to moan about."

"You should have just played nice and there'd have been no trouble. But no,
you had to do the whole jealousy thing... just because I got my own OMC."

"Well, she's never given me an OMC to play with."

"One Scottish barbarian is enough for anyone to have to deal with!"

"Look, Methos, enough! This arguing isn't getting us anywhere. We have to
work together on this."

"Well, I tried, MacLeod. If chocolate-covered Immortal doesn't do it for
her any more then I don't know what will."

"So that's it? 5,000 years old and the best you can come up with is to run
around naked and covered in chocolate sauce? And I thought you were supposed
to be the strategist. So, if Kronos didn't want you for your mind..."

"Don't even think about going there, Mac."

"Well try and come up with a better plan!"

"Why does it always have to be me? I'm sure this is your fault, anyway. You've
been so moody and unco-operative lately I'm not surprised she's gone elsewhere.
There is a limit to the appeal of 'brooding Scot'."

"And I'm not sure that 'smartass old man' ever had any appeal in the first
place!"

"You didn't say that when you pinned me to the bed within about five minutes
of meeting me!!"

"My mistake."

"Oooh, touchy!"

"Methos!"

"Yeah, yeah, this isn't helping; I know the drill. Dammit, I just want things
back to normal around here!"

"So think of something."

"Wait, I've got it..."

"What? And I hope it doesn't involve chocolate sauce in any way!"

"No, we'll just look it up in the Fanfic Writer Handbook. I'm sure there
must be a chapter on what to do when your Writer gets seduced by another
set of muses - especially if she won't even entertain the idea of a crossover."

"Hey, that's a great idea. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Do I really need to answer that question, MacLeod? So, where is it then?"

"Don't you have it?"

"I thought you had it."

"So much for that brilliant idea then, Methos!"

"Hey, why is it always my fault?"

{CRASH} {SPLINTER}

"Greetings, Brother!"

"Kronos..."

"Doesn't he ever use the door?"

"Just keep out of this, MacLeod!"

"Is this what you were looking for?"

"The Handbook - what are you doing with that?"

"I've been sorting out our spot of Writer trouble. I decided that actions
speak louder than words."

"I don't think I like the sound of this..."

"Don't worry, MacLeod, I've solved our little problem and I didn't even have
to poison the water supply to do it."

"What have you done then?"

"Well, I used this to knock out all those upstart vampires while they were
sleeping away the daylight hours. And I always knew that submarine base in
Bordeaux would come in handy again. So I put them in the cages I'd left there
and told Silas they were a new species of monkey. He's going to look after
them and make sure they don't escape."

"I'm sure they'll all be very happy together, but what do you
get out of this, Kronos?"

"Pack your bags, Methos, we have a date with your mortal friend - Alexa,
that's her name, isn't it - in Athens."

"Mac, do something!"

"What's the matter, Methos? Everything's back to normal now. I thought that's
what you wanted."

"You call this normal? I'm just about to be abducted by Kronos!"

"Have a nice time, then. Send me a postcard from Athens. I have to go and
stop Adam from fingerpainting my fridge."