. . . Isiah Thomas would be forbidden to mention how many fewer "bad contracts" the Knicks now have without counting his own as one they're still stuck with.

. . . Calvin Murphy would've been back as a Rockets' broadcaster the same day a Houston jury declared him innocent of molesting four presumed daughters; to the team and/or the network's credit he is being paid in full for this season.

. . . Dominique Wilkins, Adrian Dantley, Johnny Kerr, Bernard King, Joe Dumars, Maurice Cheeks, Dennis Johnson and Sandro Gamba (if for nothing else, holding Jerry West to 40 points in the '60 Olympics; I hereby anoint him logo for the Italian League) would be inducted into the Hall of Fame on this year's ballot.

. . . I'd make sure Kobe Bryant doesn't buy his way into the playoffs like he bought his way out of a civil trial.

. . . every team would have a Steve Nash, a Dwyane Wade, a Manu Ginobili, an Allen Iverson, a Tim Duncan, a Dirk Nowitzki, a Jamaal Tinsley, an Amare Stoudemire, a Ben Gordon, an Emeka Okafor, a Doug Moe and a Cotton Fitzsimmons.

. . . the next time Sam Cassell executed a no-look, no-pass to a wide open Wally Szczerbiak he'd be looking for a new team.

. . . traded players (Gary Payton and Alan Henderson, for example) would be prohibited from returning to sender for 30 days. Thus the stench of impropriety (playoff roster circumvention) we inhaled following the Feb. 24 trade deadline would be expunged.

. . . Alonzo Mourning, not Heat owner Mickey Arison, would've had to buy out Wesley (Missing) Person before being permitted to take his roster spot.

. . . Chris Webber would get due props for playing on one leg and refusing to allow the Pope to show him up. His reasoning: "If John Paul can pray hurt, I can play hurt."

. . . the next player who refused to report after being traded would have to sue to regain active duty, or are these guys so rich they don't even so much as glance at their pay stubs?

. . . I'd temper justice with mercy and reinstate Ron Artest for the remainder of the season.

. . . I'd have twice as many Shaq Roasts and demand to be backstage afterward to see who tries to beat up host Jamie Foxx.

. . . the nights of contrived noise in NBA arenas would be ancient history.

. . . Phil Jackson would be banned from returning to the sidelines unless Bill Bradley agrees to run on the same triangle ticket.

. . . the league office would be re-located from New York City to Scottsdale, Ariz., at The Camelback Inn.

. . . Reggie Miller would be fined any time he passes up an uncontested springer. Or passes to someone who can't shoot as well at crunch time. Or passes at all, for that matter. Is Indiana Bones so senile he forgets why the Pacers are overpaying him?

. . . Kobe, Cassell and Steve Francis would be fined every time they dribbled more than three consecutive times without doing something constructive with the ball.

. . . the NBA would have a 20-second shot clock already in operation.

. . . there would be three Babcock brothers ruining the Raptors instead of two.

. . . the NBA would be using a red, white and blue ball co-signed by George Mikan, Jack Dolph, Tedd Munchak, Mike Storen, Thurlo McGrady, Bob Carlson and Dave DeBusschere. And its referees would continue to neglect to see players constantly carrying it.

. . . I'd outlaw any player making a pass at another players' wife and vice versa. At the same time, I would have loved to have seen Doug Christie point at Kobe's wife when he went on Orlando's injured list.

Stryder

03-08-2005, 09:47 AM

I actually enjoyed that article. I disagree with a few things, but it was funny...

Will Galen

03-08-2005, 01:59 PM

I agree with - - -

Isiah Thomas would be forbidden to mention how many fewer "bad contracts" the Knicks now have without counting his own as one they're still stuck with.

. . . the next player who refused to report after being traded would have to sue to regain active duty, or are these guys so rich they don't even so much as glance at their pay stubs?

. . . the nights of contrived noise in NBA arenas would be ancient history.

. . . Reggie Miller would be fined any time he passes up an uncontested springer. Or passes to someone who can't shoot as well at crunch time. Or passes at all, for that matter. Is Indiana Bones so senile he forgets why the Pacers are overpaying him?

. . . Kobe, Cassell and Steve Francis would be fined every time they dribbled more than three consecutive times without doing something constructive with the ball.

. . . I'd make John Wooden commissioner and institute a no-dunking rule.

. . . players from sub-.500 teams would be ineligible to make the All-Star team.

And of course . . . I'd temper justice with mercy and reinstate Ron Artest for the remainder of the season.

_PD_

03-08-2005, 02:14 PM

I like the no dunking rule too, only I'd make the late Henry Iba commissioner, the coach who insisted on his players not taking more than 40 shots. Let's see....... a dead guy vs. Stern, yeah, that's right, couldn't do any worse. In fact, as much as I despise general knight, he would make a darned good commish.

Does anybody else remember when it was a technical foul at the college level to dunk during the warm-ups?

Destined4Greatness

03-08-2005, 02:59 PM

Hey Tinsley got some props. That awesome, Of I like this article except to saying Reggie is overpaid. If having a great leader only costs 5 million, how come the Knicks don't have one, you know they would spend the money.

sweabs

03-08-2005, 05:00 PM

In a high school game once, a kid on the team we were playing dunked during warm-ups. Unfortunately, the breakaway mechanism on the rim jammed and the backboard exploded.

That was a hell of a mess. His team got a tech for his obviously getting caught dunking. But he didn't dunk during warm-ups the next year.

My brother's high school b-ball season just ended. But, one game against an opposing team, a kid tried dunking during warm-ups (and there are strict rules against dunking in warmups). Anyway, he went up for the dunk, and his hands slipped off the rip and he cracked his head open and died...right in front of everyone.

Needless to say, they have implemented the 'no dunking in warmups' rule very heavily now. Talk about a traumatic experience though.

Los Angeles

03-08-2005, 05:06 PM

Yeah, here in Virginia, if you dunk in High School it is a automatics technical foul
DISGUSTING!

Like it or not, it's within the rules of the game (no up-and-downs, no travelling) and counts for 2 points. If I had a son that could dunk - I'd move him out of that state for sure!