A Slut, Like You

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to participate in a march, a protect, against victim blaming, down in our Nation’s Capitol. The event was called Slut Walk and it takes place each year in cities across the country to raise awareness around an alarming issue. Back in 2011, a police officer in Toronto suggested that in order for women to remain safe, they should stop dressing like sluts. With this walk, we are taking the word “sluts” back. We need to teach “don’t rape”, not “don’t get raped.”

The walk, in many ways, was a culminating event in the life of one of my dearest friendships. My good friend has been involved with domestic violence and related causes for several years now and she got me involved, which only made sense after the violations we both experienced in our lives and still experience to this day.

I can remember very clearly one of the earliest times I was violated. I was in middle school, and there was this boy who would always linger a little too long after hugging me, always sit next to me, touching my thighs, my sides, whatever he could slyly get away with. He was much larger than me, and I was scared so I went along with it, not knowing what to do. He would do this to me in the halls of the school, and even in computer class, and nobody would help me. He would do this to many girls I went to school with, some were better at thwarting his advances than others, but we never talked about it with each other. Together, we were silent victims. And he, a boy turned into perpetrator by what society told him was okay.

The violations continued in different forms in high school and into college, before my intuition kicked in and told me this was wrong and that I needed to do something about it. It was then that I seeked out a safe relationship, someone who would treat me right and keep me away from all the “bad guys”. And it worked.

I am lucky that I have never been brutally attacked by a stranger, never was I left for dead in a park as many people picture rape. But rape comes in many forms, and women are sexually violated every day and we very often just take it. Some women confuse it for attention that they badly seek. Some women confuse it with marital responsibilities. Many women trust their offenders. In fact, 7 out of 10 victims of rape know their rapists. So much for stranger danger.

And we, as a society, need to speak up, need to change this. Victims, survivors, should not be held responsible for being abused. It is not their fault. Offenders are the ones to blame, not my skirt. And it’s time we start teaching that to our children.