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Is this one lad posing as two people or two different lads you are dealing with?
Either way you could refer one to an email you sent to the other (not that you actually sent it) and delay the Lawyer by having to keep going back to the first lad to double check what h has told you.
If its two different lads than I would refer you to what is know round here as 'Mr Gomer' he chop you dolla. Then blame either lad as you feel fit for letting it happen.
You'l also need to see the legal docs, hope you can read them without your glasses, perhaps he could give you a ring and read out the docs to you.

So, partly for sh*ts and giggles, but mostly 'cos I want him off script, I send him this along with a topless shot of my long dead transexual:

Dear Mr Kings,

Why do you seem to hate me? I have written days ago and yet you do not reply. I want to get this matter sorted out and you do not seem to care. This disturbs me greatly and since I feel I should get to know you better, I have decided to write this email.

Can I let you in on a secret? I feel that I can trust you, after all you are a lawyer and I cannot trust a lawyer who can I trust? Please do not tell anyone this, but I have to admit that I do get very lonely here in Yalbraith. Yalbraith is such a remote location, there is nothing and no-one here and I so miss male company. I so miss the warm comfort of a strong man holding me in his arms, caressing my hair, kissing and cuddling in front of a warm fireplace.

Mr Kings (May I call you Solomon?), what do you look like over there in Umbongo Chambers? I have attached a photo from my modelling days back in my native Germany, I hope you like it. I wouldn't normally share such a picture with anyone, but some strange reason I feel that I can trust you. And the thought of myself together with a strong masculine lawyer, makes me want to wedel dir einen von der Palme

Maybe if we can get to know each other we can expedite this matter quickly, and maybe even meet up. What would you say to that?

Mit freundlichen Grüßen in Poppers

Kathrin

Let's see what he makes of that!

_________________Proud "member" of "The Todger Club"!

x1 (Senegal to Gambia)
"You can go now and f*ck yourself with a donkey or horse because you really need to be f*cked by a donkey or horse"
(George Michael's brother Frank/Frannypoo)

So, I write this back to the bimbo. Of course I totally neglect to mention the topless shot:

Dear Mrs Bimbo,

I hate to say it but your lawyer will not deal with me. I have not heard from him in days despite my best efforts.

As I have mentioned, English is not my native tongue and have asked simple questions like "What is this Western Union you are talking about?" and I have received no answer whatsoever from Umbongo Chambers. I do know we do not have a Western Union here in Yalbraith, since we have no shops or post office of any kind near the Großman farm. Which is why we do all of our shopping electronically and have it delivered by air courier once a week.

It makes me so sad to see this wonderful opportunity slipping away, and since your lawyer will not deal with me, do you have another one?

Mit freundlichen Grüßen in Poppers

Kathrin

Anyone wanna do a dolla chop?

_________________Proud "member" of "The Todger Club"!

x1 (Senegal to Gambia)
"You can go now and f*ck yourself with a donkey or horse because you really need to be f*cked by a donkey or horse"
(George Michael's brother Frank/Frannypoo)

, do I get the get the voice of the lucy Liu bot saying the name in my head from the 'I Dated a Robot' futurama episode

_________________I DONT KNOW YOU
USE THE MONEY TO BUY COFFIN. " ASEM lad
Have i scammed you once,instead you are the one scamming us here now....Send the money animal.
PLEASE TAKE CAER OF YOUR SELF OR I SEND TO YOU F.I.B ?

So thinking this bait was dead in the water, I'd given up and went back to assignments. Then the bimbo writes back:

My beloved Kathrin Baier,

How are you today? I hope you are living fine with your entire family.

My beloved Kathrin, I am very sorry for responding late to your mail, it is because of my ill health that makes me to have a delay. I have been going through series of text all these days so please bear with me.

Beloved Kathrin, I’m here to inform you that my late Husband Lawyer has been in Hospital for some days now, that is why you have not hear from him. He sent a massage to inform you that he will get back to you as soon as he recover. Please my beloved, hold on for a while the Lawyer will get back to you immediately he come back from Hospital.

Right now I’m waiting for the Doctor to do his final examination to know if I will go in for the operation. Please always remember me in your prayers.

Remain bless in the LORD,

Your Sister In Christ,

Mrs.Bimbo Patricks.

_________________Proud "member" of "The Todger Club"!

x1 (Senegal to Gambia)
"You can go now and f*ck yourself with a donkey or horse because you really need to be f*cked by a donkey or horse"
(George Michael's brother Frank/Frannypoo)

So thinking the bait was dead in the water, I get this from the slack lawyer:

From the desk of: bar. Slackass kings

Attn:

Madam,

How are you today? dear i been waiting to receive the amount of 920 dollars in order to enable me obtain the needed documents on your name so that i will proceed to the bank and submit them with the bank in order to enable the bank comment for the transfer to your nominated bank account in your country with out any delay.

Dear when are you going to send the money in order to finalize this matter once and for all.

Hope to hear from you soonest so that i will obtain the documents by tomorrow being Monday.
Regards,

I send him this back. I'm gonna play the ditz card for as long as I can. For Inspector Gadget's Amusement (and my own) I plan to mention Umbongo Chambers as often as possible:

Dear Mr Kings

Once again I ask you NOT to call me a Madam, as it is an insult in my native Germany. Surely it is an insult over there at Umbongo chambers to call someone a person who is in charge of prostitutes, which is what a madam is called in my native Germany.

As I have mentioned (And you have so far chosen to ignore) is the fact that I live in the outback and am not certain what to do next. How do I get the money to you?

Mit freundlichen Grüßen in Poppers

Kathrin

_________________Proud "member" of "The Todger Club"!

x1 (Senegal to Gambia)
"You can go now and f*ck yourself with a donkey or horse because you really need to be f*cked by a donkey or horse"
(George Michael's brother Frank/Frannypoo)

Thanks for your mail and all your effort so far in this charity project. I hope God will make our dream come true in this particular charity project.

Beloved One, the Lawyer informed me today that he has sent to you an account were you will made the payment (money) for the legal documents, so please try and send the money immediately to him so that he will proceed for the legal documents.

Please inform me as soon as you send the money to him.

Remain bless in the Lord,

Your Sister In Christ,
Mrs.Bimbo Patricks.

I know the mysterious Alan probably hasn't shut it down yet, but I think I'll mention it doesn't work anymore. Perhaps they have another?

Edited to add this. I sent this back to both of them:

Dear Mr Kings,

As requested I tried to transfer the money into your account and it didn't work. Please check the details of your account and get back to me

_________________Proud "member" of "The Todger Club"!

x1 (Senegal to Gambia)
"You can go now and f*ck yourself with a donkey or horse because you really need to be f*cked by a donkey or horse"
(George Michael's brother Frank/Frannypoo)

Are you making fun of me? These are the exact details that you sent before, I have checked six times and they are exactly the same. And as I mentioned these did not work.

Due to the remoteness of the Großmann farm, I rely on internet banking an awful lot, so I am certain the details you have sent me are incorrect.

To be honest Mr Kings, I am wondering about the professionalism of Umbongo Chmbers. what should have been an easy transaction has so far taken months, and I have done everything I can to make sure this goes smoothly. Mrs Bimbo is dying over there and you are playing games with me by sending me the incorrect bank details.

If I was sending the money direct to Umbongo Chambers, I'm certain I would have the correct details sent to me immediately. I would strongly prefer to see this transaction have WITHIN Mrs Bimbo's short remaining lifetime...

Do you another account to send it to?

Let's see what he says to that

_________________Proud "member" of "The Todger Club"!

x1 (Senegal to Gambia)
"You can go now and f*ck yourself with a donkey or horse because you really need to be f*cked by a donkey or horse"
(George Michael's brother Frank/Frannypoo)

And BOY, did THAT light a fire under his arse! Within ten minutes, he gets back to me:

Dear,

This is to let you know that the account is 100% correct so if you real know that you have the money then go direct to your bank and make the payment and also send the bank transfer slip to me in order to enable me pick the money from the account,

Hope to hear from you after making the payment to the account,

Barr Kings

I decide to slap his sorry arse:

Mr Kings,

I have tried and tried but this account does not work. According to my bank I still have 122,578 Euros from my modelling days in my native Germany, so cash is not an issue.

As I mentioned, I rely on Internet banking due to the remoteness of Yalbraith and have done so since it's inception here in Australia back in 2000, so I am well versed in it's usage. And your account does not work, having just tried a seventh time.

Please check it or please supply me with an Alternative account

I love how he no longer uses any name when writing to me now

_________________Proud "member" of "The Todger Club"!

x1 (Senegal to Gambia)
"You can go now and f*ck yourself with a donkey or horse because you really need to be f*cked by a donkey or horse"
(George Michael's brother Frank/Frannypoo)

And BORING, he wants to go Western 0nion. Time for more slappage methinks:

Dear,

As i said the account is correct, but another way is this, you should go to MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UNION office over their and send the money from one of them, because i don't real know what to say all i know that the account which i gave to you is 100% ok,

Hope to hear from you soonest,

Barr Kings

_________________Proud "member" of "The Todger Club"!

x1 (Senegal to Gambia)
"You can go now and f*ck yourself with a donkey or horse because you really need to be f*cked by a donkey or horse"
(George Michael's brother Frank/Frannypoo)

You are CLEARLY not listening to me. Apart from the fact I have no idea how either Western Union or Moneygram works, NEITHER of them are anywhere near Yalbraith. We do not even have a post office in Yalbraith for them to work from, which is why I rely on internet banking in the first place.

Are you telling me that a Law firm like Umbongo Chambers only has ONE bank account??? What do you think would happen if that Bank's servers went down. I have my money spread over three accounts and none of them will let me access the details you have provided.

I think I will wait a few days to allow you to get yourself a secondary bank account or I will have to write back and tell Mrs Patricks that you have let me down and I can no longer conclude this transaction with a shoddy law firm like Umbongo Chambers.

Can you imagine the heartbreak she will feel when I tell her that her dying wish cannot be fulfilled due to your incompetence? I would rather not have to do that but I can see no alternative at this point. this transaction has taken FAR too long...

_________________Proud "member" of "The Todger Club"!

x1 (Senegal to Gambia)
"You can go now and f*ck yourself with a donkey or horse because you really need to be f*cked by a donkey or horse"
(George Michael's brother Frank/Frannypoo)

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