Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Tabitha Takes On Random Facts

Note: My Facebook page admin, Tabitha, has been making my life miserable lately. She's jealous that she doesn't have her own FB page, and she's been taking it out on me. She wants to do that "Random Facts" thing that everyone has been doing recently, so I'm letting her do it here in hopes that it will chill her the hell out a little. I'm frankly not too hopeful.**********

hi, it's tabby. can i just say something?

chuck baudelaire is a complete bitch.

Tabitha Brown, professional and whatnot.

OK. if you do the facebook, you probably know that everybody is clogging up everybody's fb wall with random facts. it's stupid and pointless and narcissistic and annoying, and i want in.

chuck said i could post my random facts here in exchange for being nice. which is a lie. so what, ha-ha. she'll believe in anything. i hear she believes in god.

but i digress.

so my number is 11. why? because i said so omg you're such a slut shut up.

11 random facts about tabitha

1. most people don't know that it doesn't matter how sexy and adorable you are, no one wants to have sex with a fictional character.

2. i got my piercing green eyes from my grandmother. i had no idea she would lose so much blood when i got them. sorry, nana.

3. i belong to the tea party. i love ted cruz. i want to ride him like a dolphin at seaworld.

4. i've taken out a $500,000 life insurance policy on chuck by pretending to be her lesbian wife. when i kill her i will have half a million dollars.

5. i'm a vegetarian, except for gerbils. i love gerbil meat.

6. i have an extra nipple on my right boob. i'll show it to you for the right price.

7. when chuck is asleep, i message her boyfriend and tell him the most awful things. pretty soon i'll have broken them the hell up. i have no reason to do this other than spite.

8. more than anyone in the world, i'd like to meet morgan freeman in person. i'd punch him in the jaw and tell him to shut the fuck up. because no one else has ever done that.

9. my favorite muppet is the kind of light blue one with the pointy head who says "cat" in that one episode.

10. i know nothing about computers or the internet. the reason i'm chuck's page admin is that i'm blackmailing her. make me an offer, and i'll tell you what i know.

11. remember that guy who shot those people? i told him to do that.

ok, "like" this post and i'll send you a number between 35 and 52 billion. i won't read your random facts because they'll be boring. and i'll post rude comments under chuck's name.

if you'll excuse me, i have to go pleasure myself. because no one wants to do the fictional chick.