Examining My Close Calls.

Examining my close calls.

Lately I have been re-examining my close callsall those many wrong numbers where death spent a small fortunedropping change, in the slot of my fateand putting the fear of God in me.

Each one carried profound questionsthat have never been adequately answerednot the final Y of a man's life of coursethat "Y" that they cut into the grey fleshof your upper and lower torso during autopsy.

But rather bone chilling, teeth chatteringmind bending whys?? that haunt the soul like...."Why was I spared??" "Why me when others fell,never to rise again?" "What purpose have I yet to achieve??"the list of my many close calls confounds me:

A.-Rickets as an infant

B.-a compound compressed skull fracturechrome bumper induced at the tender age of three

C. a tumble from some monkey bars- severe concussion- full recovery

D.-holes drilled in my skull, exploratory surgery for a tumour at ten

E. baseball bat to the side of my head in the projects-gang related

F. assaulted by a Hell's Angel at 14, resulting luckily in just a busted nose, and a bruised ego

G. nearly asphyxiated by a mistakenly swallowed jaw breaker lodged in my throat in 7th grade. Saved by an unknown angelwho vanished before I recoveredenough to thank her after giving mea hard slap on my back when I was inches from extinction.

H. a fall through the ice, followed by a frantic clawing scramble from a frigid lake to the later warmth of an angry dad's arms

I. an accidental slit wrist from a friend using a box cutter at work with me, blood spurting skyward all over the inside of his mustang as we rushed to the hospital.

K. bullets that whistled by me, playing a tune that wasn't yet bugled taps for me.

L. a naked strangle hold that rendered me unconscious to the brink of being discharged from life.

M. out of control on black ice in a Galaxie 500, spinning into the path of a Greyhound bus, the driver and passengers faces frozen in terror,then just as suddenly sliding the opposite way, as I took out two mailboxes and a large chunk of real estate, in an unreal last minute save.

O. pneumonia twice, once so bad in boot camp that I almost drowned in my own fluids.

P. a near drowning due to hypothermia when capsized in the frigid waters of the Connecticut River.

Q. food poisoning twice once from Las Vegas Nevada Buffet, seven days on an N.G. tube, after emergency exploratory surgery. My recreation was being allowed to only eat lifesavers and watching the colors come back up the stomacher tubeas it was pumped out continuously.

R. gas leak in a marina apartment, electrical fire in the walls of my parents home, my shirt also once burst into blue flame from chemical fumes combusting with a Newport.

S. a heart mummer from birth, a left bundle branch blockage, and a tiny mitral valve leak...but my ticker beats on in spite of all the cigarettes, booze, and drugs I abused in my ill spent youth.

T. lost in the wilderness twice, in extreme weather conditions,

U. -brakes failed twice coming off mountains,

V. 57 hornet stings across my abdomen, non allergic thankfully

W. a fully loaded logging truck slamming into the left front corner of a Dodge Caravan I was a passenger in, bouncing us in a flight of 150 feet, horizontally spinning in slow motion, then landing in a mountain drainage ditch, all of us whip lashed, but alive, though the van was demolished.

Every time I emerged from each fray with death, life took on a new persona, enticing me with its sight, taste, smell, and touch.

Like a wanton virgin bride, emanating heatand whispering only my name, I lusted my life after!

I re-pursued it with intensity, seizing each moment, savoring any yet to be inhaled oxygen, praising God and fate, and swearing off stupidity forever.

I danced, leaped and cavorted with the nows which were then granted meuntil I forgot the proximity of whatI had almost been destroyed by.

Life went on and I followed it gratefullylike a wounded puppy, ignoring the ringing in my ears from each close callas well as any 911 buttons still unpunished.

Oh, sure there are other close callsyet to come that's a givenplus many other wrong numbers, for death is persistent.

He's a smooth operator who will connect with me eventually, and who'll be calling collectand then I'll pay the toll.

I'll hear that strange white noiseand know that I am about to be cut offas I at long last experienceeternal silence, forever disconnected from the lifelines we all are hooked up to.

but for now.................there's a song I want to sharea love I want to encouragea picture still unpaintedsome clays to moldsome poems to penand summer is waiting to sizzle my sweatas I am cooled by those Jumbo Margaritas.

My precious son who needs his Daddyand a whole lot of living to savor!

So would YOU mind taking the next call??please??? and if it's for mejust tell 'em I'm stepping out for a while,and if it's for you,hang up and run like hell!!

I pause in my journey to the grave of my friend, to commemorate his birthday in a mid-December snowfall. The trees are skeletons beyond the gate coated in white.
It is as if the bones, buried far below, have...