Being a spouse and a parent are among the most important jobs you’ll
ever have. Marriage education, premarital advisement and counseling can
help singles and engaged people obtain the knowledge and skills they need
to be successful wives and husbands and have healthy marriages.

In any field of study there are things one should know to be successful.
College and vocational training provides the knowledge and tools needed
for the professional. College and medical school provides doctors with
the opportunity to gain the knowledge and training they need in anatomy,
physiology, how to assess patient health and how to treat various conditions.To
be a successful lawyer one needs to know about various aspects of the
law, the United States constitution, and how to help clients obtain their
rights under the law.

Social workers need to know how to develop relationships with clients,
assess their needs and problems, and develop a plan to address their concerns
and work to improve their situation.

To be a successful spouse it is important to get to know yourself, who
you are and what you value in life. It is important to develop your relationship
with Allah and to know what place married life has in the overall purpose
of the human being and in Islam. You need to learn skills to have a loving
relationship with your spouse. You want to learn about the responsibilities
husbands and wives have toward each other and how best to fulfill them.

It is essential to learn how marriage helps us serve Allah and can help
us get to Heaven which is our ultimate goal. It is important to learn
about the example that the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon
him, provided in his married life.

Research
indicates that the inability to communicate with one another is one of
the biggest problems married people experience. It is therefore important
to learn how to communicate with each other, to share our feelings, expectations,
goals and dreams for the future of our family.

Most of us feel angry from time to time. It is important that single
and engaged people learn how to manage the anger they will inevitably
feel from time to time. In this way, they will prevent themselves from
saying or doing something that will hurt the person they love most for
the sake of Allah, their spouse.

Stress management is also essential because at times maintaining a successful
married life and doing what it takes in marriage given the outside forces
in society can be stressful. So learning how to manage one’s stress
makes for a happier, healthier marriage.

Ways to solve problems and resolve conflict are skills single and engaged
people need before they get married so they will begin using this very
important skill early in marriage.

Sex education is a topic which hardly finds a forum in our mosques and
Islamic centers. However, sex and intimacy are a natural part of married
life. Most Muslims marry with very little knowledge of this very important
area of married life which too often tends to lead to unfilled marriages
for many.

It is also important to learn appropriate ways to get to know someone
for marriage to see if he or she is compatible for you. Too often, the
biggest problems in marriage are related to lack of compatibility in temperament,
religious practice and perspective, goals and dreams, socioeconomic status,
and personality.

Singles and engaged Muslims need to learn how to get to know the person
they may want to marry in a Halal manner beforehand. Asking and answering
each other’s questions are an important part of the process. It
is also invaluable to have a premarital advisor or counselor help assess
the meaning of the answers each person gives and how these answers and
each other’s perspective will reflect upon the marriage.

Marriage education classes and seminars provide a way for single and
engaged Muslims to learn these skills and information before they get
married. Learning what you need to know for a successful marriage early
on gives you the opportunity to get off to a good start in your marriage.

Marriage and family life education is offered regularly in the larger
society by marriage and family life educators, counselors, and social
workers. It is also offered in schools and at churches around the country.
Single and engaged Muslims can avail themselves of the services the larger
society has to offer.

As well, the Muslim community needs to provide greater access to marriage
and family life education in Islamic schools, mosques, youth centers,
and Muslim social service agencies around the country.

The Muslim community needs to commit to making marriage education available
and accessible. Parents need to encourage their children to get this education
just as they encourage them to do well in their school work in high school
and college. Career knowledge is highly valued but needs to be balanced
with religious education and marriage and family life education.

Single Muslims and those who are engaged need to make a commitment to
enroll in marriage education class or seminar way before the wedding day.
Newlyweds who didn’t take a marriage education class before the
wedding need to enroll in a course soon after the honeymoon.

Remember, being a husband or wife is one of the most important jobs you’ll
ever have. Get your marriage and family life education to help you prepare
today for your future married life so that it will be one filled with
love, compassion, mercy, and tranquility.

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Dr. Aneesah Nadir is a marriage
and family life educator in Mesa, Arizona. She provides marriage education
seminars throughout the country. Her book, “So You Think You’re
Ready for Marriage” is coming soon. She can be reached at draneesah@hotmail.com.