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Self-care

2015

Hello,

I am interested to learn how many of you in
the field of Child and Youth Care practice self-care in your lives.

I am currently a student, majoring in Child
and Youth Care Counselling, and am told by many of my professors that we
need to constantly take care of ourselves while working in this field,
as it can be draining. I am fully aware of that, and understand where
they are coming from, however, I find that some of the information you
learn through a workplace, or a practicum placement, can stick with you.

For example, I worked a temporary position
at a well known company this past spring with children and youth in an
after school program. The community I was in was a lower SES area, and
many of the children dealt with abuse, financial problems, and much
more. Becoming close with the kids, I would become aware of the issues
in their life, and worry about their well being outside of the
workplace.

I love this field and am not haunted by many
of the problems I become aware of, however, sometimes I will think about
them, even when I am supposed to be practicing self-care.

From a professional to a student, what do
you do for self-care, and how do you deal with issues that just can not
seem to go away?

Thank you.

Hayley McComish
...

Hi Hayley,

My first shift was in 1985 and this weekend just
past I worried about certain youth who I know make themselves vulnerable
to predatory experiences. I no longer exhaust myself trying to stop
worrying about the youth I work with and the colleagues I work with for
that matter. I noticed in your post you said you "love this field"
usually love doesn't produce that worry. I have seen love in this field
confused with infatuation. If that's the case and the love you speak of
is an infatuation with being amazing as a worker the answer to stress is
easy - stop "loving" it and those feelings of concern for those you work
with will diminish significantly. Lower your expectations of yourself
and the hopes you have for others, adopt an ambivalent perspective and
you will find no resentment and self-care just on the other side of the
"love" you speak of. Anything I truly love doesn't have those stressful
impacts on me unless I am confusing 'love" with heavy expectations and
am infatuated with certain outcomes for myself and others. I will say
the answer to pain is growth, and growth comes from having a mentor. The
pace set by new workers out of the gates after leaving school then into
the field determined to be excellent and change negative experiences for
those we serve more often than not results in a racing mind filled with
insurmountable outcomes. Sometimes it continues with some of us many
years later too. You are not alone.

Ernie Hilton
...

Good morning,

I have been a front line field worker for five
years. I can assure you, transference is a thing. It happens to some
more then others, but it happens to everyone. What you're feeling,
thinking about them outside of work hours ect., everyone does it. But
it's only a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. It
is perfectly okay to think about them, you are experiencing compassion
and it makes me believe you are good at your job. However you can only
do so much for others until it starts to wear you down. I know you feel
compassion for them and want to make their lives better and wonder how
they are doing, but you need to be aware of how it is affecting your own
life. Self care is a MUST! Whatever you decide to do, do it, and don’t
let you talk yourself out of doing it by thinking about work. Try
meditating. I know its kinda corny and not for everyone, but the whole
purpose is to learn to control your mind and quiet your mind so you can
focus. The 4-7-8 breathing method is a good place to start. And some
guided meditation online can be very helpful as well.

Find an activity you like for self care. I suggest
some kind of group activity. I play pool with the CPA league. Nobody
else there is a child and youth care worker and it gives me adult time
and interaction without talking about work {for the most part} and I
almost never let work talk me out of it. I actually secured that night
of the week off by telling my employer it was a specific self care
activity.

It is perfectly natural to feel empathy for the kids
we work with. Its not a problem until it becomes a problem if you know
what I mean. Make it a practice to have some “you time” at least once a
week! Take a bubble bath or extra long hot shower. something to relax
your mind and body. You wont notice youre burning out until everyone
else knows you are. Prevention is key, as recovery from empathy burnout
is quite difficult!

Cheers
Good luck
Sarah Greenslade
...

Hello Haley,

For self care, I love shopping and cooking because
it makes me forget about my problems. In general, it makes me feel
happy. for issues that cannot go away, I write them down on the list, I
try to pick one out of 10 to work on it. for example, having 10
assignments to do and I don't know how to start. I will say in one hour,
I will do question number 5, then I will play music for 10 minutes as my
self care in order to relax my brain. in that way, I am not too worried
over my assignment. By doing these, I don't worry myself too much. I
feel, I am still happy within me because I have allocated time for each
problem.

I hope this helps.

Uduak Benson
...

Hayley,

I personally struggled with taking items home when I
first became a youth care worker over 6 years ago. I however was in a
different program at the time where there wasn't much support, so
thinking I was just being caring was normal for me as no one was
explaining how detrimental this was. After a year I ended up changing
organizations and quickly learned that leaving my issues at the door
when arriving on shift and leaving work at the door when I was leaving
shift was VERY important. I was informed that I would burn out and could
end up not enjoying the field that I love so much. So with help of a
mentor and co-workers I learned how to do this.

This will take time to figure out how to leave work
at work. But I agree with your professors, self care is needed in this
field and shouldn't be something that consists of a substance, like
drinking a glass of wine, smoking, etc. before and after every shift on
my drive I have my music up and just enjoy the music, while still paying
attention to the road. I also enjoy my family time and consider that as
my self care. But at times a bubble bath, the gym, walking the dog are
all other things that I will do. You will find what works for you.
Sometimes depending on the situation you will need to learn to adapt
what has worked for self care.

Everything takes time to figure out what works best
for you. My biggest suggestion is to have a mentor and to trust your
team where if something is bothering you, you can discuss the situation
with someone and how to move past it. Having supports at work is also
important as it is having supports outside of work.

Best of luck :)

Ashley Gibbs
...

I found that throughout the years I developed the
ability to do the best job I can and not get caught up in the things I
don't have control over. It has come from lots of self talk, reflection
and support from others around me. It helps to have other interests in
your life too.

Do the best you can in the moment and leave the work
at work when you leave. You will not be beneficial to anyone burnt out
from stress.

Jaime Lindenberg
...

Hello!

Self care is HUGE in this field. I personally have
experienced many things that I just didn’t think I could shake. A couple
years ago I lost a client, and that was likely the hardest, most
challenging thing I have faced yet. For me, I look to family and friends
for support. I do not disclose what exactly is happening, but they know
what my job is, and they know the challenges I can face. I am lucky to
have a support system that can help me get out of my own head. I also
love to keep a hobby, I switch hobbies a lot (slight ADHD), but I find
having something to occupy myself can help. Especially when I get home
from a particularly challenging day, focusing on something such as
beading or coloring can really take my mind away from that stress. There
are so many different ways to take care of yourself, and as I mentioned
in the beginning, it is SOOOOOOO important. Find what works for you,
what works for one person, may not for the other. Good luck on finding
that something, and good luck in the field!

Samantha Harris
_______

THE INTERNATIONAL CHILD AND YOUTH CARE NETWORK (CYC-Net)
Registered Non-Profit and Public Benefit Organisation in the
Republic of South
Africa (031-323-NPO, PBO 930015296)