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When standup comics turn tables on hecklers

Alone on stage, under the glare of a spotlight and with dozens of strangers hanging on every word, there’s one thing every standup comic dreads — the disruptive howls of a heckler

Despite having no choice but to respond in such circumstances, most comedians who’ve been jeered and interrupted — often relentlessly and almost always fuelled less by witticisms than liquid courage — would actually prefer that you keep your distance.

“It especially strikes fear in the hearts of young comics,” says Kristeen Von Hagen, who has learned to shut down a heckler with aplomb, usually by focusing on the heckler’s date.

“Aren’t you embarrassed to be with this person?” she’ll ask, using the guilty-by-association audience member as a conduit to carve up the perpetrator.

Still, she says, there’s no real artistic glory, even when the crowd roars in her favour. “I’m of the mindset that I’d prefer (heckling) didn’t happen at all.”

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And yet it does, and likely always will.

A Halton Hills writer is hoping to reap rewards of that reality with his new book on the history of heckling and how-to tips: The Heckler: Notes from the Peanut Gallery.

Two of Canada’s best and most experienced heckler killers, Lawrence Morgenstern and Ron Vaudry, agreed to share their strategies for dealing with taunts from the cheap seats.

Vaudry says he’s “much less aggressive these days” since relocating to England from Toronto where he dominated many a comedy room with an iron tongue — especially when performing the role of MC.

“It’s always been my theory,” says Vaudry, “that as host, if there’s any heat to be taken, it’s your job to take it on and keep it away from the (other) acts.”

Indeed, he seemed to thrive on that heat — never really losing a verbal joust with any audience member. It worked for him largely because he was as undiscriminating as he was merciless, even towards hecklers who were physically impaired. “Because handicapped people don’t want to be patronized,” he explains.

No two hecklers are the same. But there are two basic types: The malicious heckler, or what Morgenstern calls, half-jokingly, “evil souls,” or as Von Hagen calls them, “those who just want to screw with the show and be a jerk.”

Then there is the well-meaning heckler, who shouts out comments of approval — “You know it!” or “You got that right!” — that can mess with a comedian’s timing. “You try to be a little more patient and playful with them,” says Vaudry

Morgenstern, like Vaudry, is also one of the quickest-with-a-comeback emcees this country has ever produced — but less aggressive and intimidating.

The Toronto comic’s almost quiet patience has been his biggest anti-heckling weapon.

“I prefer to slowly mine (the heckler) for comedy gold by chatting with them,” he says. He simply waits for the heckler, now under the spotlight of attention, to trip on his or her own words. “I basically just let them hang themselves first.”

With the crowd on his side, Morgenstern then peppers the heckler with put-downs he’s crafted, such as, “Y’know folks, the hard part is folding him (the heckler) back up into the suitcase after the show.”

Notable moments in heckling

You’ve probably already seen Michael Richard’s N-word laden tirade against hecklers. See that debacle’s lasting effects on “Kramer” — six years later — in his interview on Seinfeld’s internet show, in Cars Getting CoffeeComediansin Cars Getting Coffee.

Ron Vaudry strained to see his relentless heckler — in a wheelchair. “Haven’t you noticed I’m paralyzed from the waist down?” the man asked. “From the neck up, too, (idiot),” Vaudry quipped, adding, “This is an intellectual exchange. Not a foot race.” Some boo’d. But the heckler laughed and thanked the veteran comedian afterwards.

Bill Burr unleashed — for more than 10 minutes — a rant against, literally, thousands of Philadelphia hecklers. Ironically, the Boston bred comic earned huge, approving applause at the end. The rant would be the stuff of rumour and folklore — if it weren’t for the 1.5 million YouTube views.

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