It has been quite some time since I have updated the old blog here:) Life just got in the way. I started nursing school and had way too many distractions in my life. I can now say I have removed a major distraction and I have a bit more time to focus my energy in more positive areas in my life:):):)

As for the RA: Last time I saw my Doc I complained of foot pain, I always have it and only in the left foot toe box, just in varying degrees. She wanted to up my MTX and start me on cellebrex. I said ok and left the office. After thinking more about this I decided to try some other techniques before I add more junk to my body. Exercise, diet, and meditation was the plan. Well, I got side tracked, between school and a difficult break up things did not go as planned, such is life.

I forgot to ask my Doc, and maybe some of you can chime in here for me. If I am on this foot and I feel pain is that just pain or am I causing more damage? I have to remember to ask her this, you know those Docs, they rush you in and out of there so fast your head spins.

Now, I can say I have a clear head and a clear conscience. Since I let so much time slip by me without making major changes, I am going to up the MTX but not going to take the cellebrex. I am totally off steroids and seem to be doing just fine without them. The Enbrel has made a big difference.

So, Wish me luck guys! Here is to new starts, they are a wonderful thing:):):) and to moms! I wouldn't be able to make it without mine, she is my light when I find myself in dark places.

Over a week ago my Dr. called and told me to start weaning myself off the prednisone. I am alternating daily between 5mg and 2.5mg. During the last week I am having constant muscle aches varying in severity and I am very tired. After doing some research it seems this could be steriod withdrawls but my dose is so low. Can anyone help shed some light on the subject? Thank you very much for all your help:):)

Where to start! The last two weeks have been crazy. Today marks the end to my first week of nursing school and I couldnt be happier. There were times over the last few months I did not think I would be well enough to attend nursing school. But, thanks to a great Rheumy here I am! It seemed like so long ago that I was anxiously waiting to hear where I was at on the Nursing school start list and when I would be able to begin my studies. Then the RA diagnosis........Things were changing so fast I had almost completely forgotten about nursing school. My hopes of starting were buried under a pile of pain and confusion.

Today, I am feeling great! 95%. The Enbrel has made a considerable difference. I am still not a fan of the injections, or the site reactions. However, that is a very small price to pay for the way I am feeling today. Pain is not totally gone. I have problems in my thumbs, a nodule of my foot still, pain in my muscle's some days, and just a few minor side effects from the meds. My Doctor called this week and said all my blood work up looked good ( except low D3) and I am starting to wean off the prednisone. My health is headed in the right direction!

Now, if someone could just tell me how to get past this finger pain so I don't fumble so much during school procedures and give me some motivation to start working out that would be very helpful:):):)

***I am working on some cool additions to the page and will be adding much new material next weekend***

Sorry for the delay in adding new material, there are just not enough hours in the day. Have a pain free weekend!!!

This has been a very exciting week for me! I had my orientation for the nursing program that I have worked so hard to get into. After many months of being sick and almost completely forgetting about my goal of becoming a nurse, the day has finally arrived. The night before I was to be at school, I put out my clothes, because I had to be sure and wear the right things so the kids would like me:) I woke up early, had a healthy breakfast, took my meds and went skipping out the door. As I walked into orientation I was so excited I could not keep the grin off my face. I was given my crisp white uniform, pile upon pile of paperwork, schedules, expectations, books, responsibilities, and warnings. Then reality set in a bit. This is going to be a tough couple of years. What if I get sick? What if I have a flare up? Cant think straight? Forget things? Try to microwave an empty plate of food again? Yes, I actually did that. People aren't going to understand what I mean when I say RA. As soon as the word arthritis leaves my mouth reactions go from being sympathetic to saying "my grandma has that" or "I know the feeling, my hands hurt when it rains." Then it dawned on me, this has all happened and I survived. I was around people who didn't get it, working two jobs, doubles all the time, juggling medications, learning how my new body worked and even tough my hands were swollen, my feet covered in nodules, fatigued, irritable, happy, sad, no matter what state I was in, I got through it. This is how things are going to be from no on. And no matter what, I will get through it.

I have a growing pile of beautiful shoes that I can no longer wear. Flats, pumps, sandals, and flip flops. My boyfriend keeps telling me to just give them away, but he doesn't understand that it isn't just the shoe I am giving away. It feels like I am giving away a part of myself. Wearing a cute pair of pumps on a Friday night made me feel beautiful. Now I have to choose between ugly gym shoes or kind of ugly gym shoes. I am not trying to be shallow, I absolutely realized I could have things way worse. However, being a young women who is still in college, I want to look fashionable and cute. One of the hardest things for me now that I have RA is dealing with shoes. Why are the shoes that I should be wearing the ugliest things in the whole world! New Balance makes very comfortable shoes that look like giant silver rocket ships on my feet! I wish I could go work for a shoe company for a day and just design a few pairs of cute shoes for myself. I know certain shoes just aren't gonna happen for me anymore, but that doesn't mean I have to be forced into a life time of Velcro grandma shoes! Actually, my grandma has cuter shoes than me! Not fair:( I am now on a mission to find shoes that are both comfortable and cute. If you know of any, please share:))))))

I am not sure how I feel about this Enbrel. I can tell you I HATE giving myself the injections. I am a giant baby and I literally have to hug a pillow when I take them. I refuse to let my boyfriend do it because I don't want to seem like an even bigger loser. I can also tell you the swelling in my foot continues and I am starting to have pain in new places like my thumbs and knees. I am not sure how to gauge this. Is it normal? I thought the Enbrel was supposed to stop this from progressing? I am not upset in anyway, just confused. I am still trying to figure out what my normal is, but that seems to change everyday. Good thing I wasn't very normal to begin with :)

I am thrilled to say I am going on vacation on Sunday to Cape Cod. My boyfriend and parents are coming as well. I am so excited. It has been a rough start to my year, as I was pretty sick for most of the first half of it. I am BEYOND GRATEFUL that I am well enough to be able to enjoy this time with my family.It will be a great break and we all sure could use it. When I return It is back to school to start my nursing clinicals!!! That means no more breaks for this girl. So, I am going to enjoy every second of this vacation:):):)

I am wondering if anyone else can go from laughing to crying in seconds. I am a roller coaster of emotions and I can’t figure it out. Is it all the medications? Is it the million things going on in my life? The RA? The heat? Stress? Or am I just turning into a jerk? I am becoming more and more frustrated with my moods, which means those close to me are even more frustrated. Can anyone shed some lite on this subject? I sure hope so, otherwise I may have to move to Amsterdam and start smoking pot to calm my butt down ;);)

It is hard to not worry about every little thing that pops up when it comes to my body. I catch myself staring at my hands, almost in a trance, looking for changes. Is there swelling? Discoloration? What is that bump? Was that always there? After I work a double shift and come home limping, I blame it on the RA, not the fact that I was running around making drinks for crazy booze hounds for ten straight hours. When of course, it is both. Things that I used to dismiss have become major events to me. Why do I have a headache? A fever? Why is my knee hurting? Is this a bug bite or a growth? Why are things taking so long to heal? Or are things healing how they should be? What effect is not having a spleen really doing to me? I need a manual!!! I need somewhere to go when I am concerned. I have not learned what to dismiss and what I should note as important. It is a whole new world when you become sick. You look at things differently, some things are better, some worse. You hope that people understand how it feels to be sick. Sometimes they do, but more often than not, they don’t. How can the healthy know what it is to be sick? Co-workers think I am a germa-phobe for washing my hands constantly, when truly I am petrified of catching something because my body does not possess the strength to fight off infections. My boyfriend doesn’t understand that when he wakes up, the first thing he thinks of is what he has to do that day. When I wake, the first thing in my head is, how much pain will I be in when I get out of bed? Followed by my morning meds, breakfast, errands, work, afternoon meds, homework, chores, exercise, and evening meds. If I have the energy to do all of that, it is a GREAT day! But usually I don’t and it will leave me feeling guilty for not doing enough. Again, a place a manual would come in handy. If I had the time and the energy I would right a funny manual to living with RA, maybe after I finish nursing schoolJMy goal for the month is to recognize when I am taking on too much and give myself a break! I am not wonder women!Funny note: I am an idiot, and did not let my Enbrel shot get warm enough. I injected myself and it was so cold it felt like someone had stabbed me in the leg with an icecicle!! Half way through the injection I pulled it out and the Ebrel went spraing all over while I was screaming profantities. So, I went and bought myself an egg timer so this doesnt happen again.Do you have any Enbrel stories? Tips? Reactions? Comments? I am on week two and anxious to hear what you think:)

How the heck does anyone manage stress, especially when you have RA!!! There is so much going on all the time. Work, school, medical bills, regular bills, computer crashing, medication schedules, side effects, flare ups, and about a million other little things that make you want to take a baseball bat to your printer. Some days just feel like a bad hair day. You leave the house just not feeling right, and this continues to be the theme throughout the day. And some days turn your whole world upside down, these are the onese that can trigger flare ups. I am trying to learn how to handle these days, not that I am any good at it :)I decided I needed a vacation! And I had a few people in mind that I knew needed one too. So, yesterday I booked airfare to Boston!!! My parents, my boyfriend and I are going to drive up to Maine and eat lobster. I am going to sit on the beach and forget about all the little things that I have to do in a day and enjoy being ok. 6 months ago I was in a very bad place. I was very sick and VERY scared. Now, that I am feeling better I want to take a moment and celebrate the fact that even though there can be dark days, there

After visiting the RA Doc last week she decided to put me on Enbrel. I was alarmed at first. I did not want another drug that would make me want to eat everything in sight and punch strangers. Prednisone makes me crazy enough, I think I may change my name to Sybil. But, after talking with my Doc, doing some research, and having a mom that knows how to make you look on the sunny side of things, I am ok. Scared, but ok. I just got off the phone with an Enbrel nurse and they seem very helpful and kind. But, the problem here is, why? What am I taking that requires a lunch box size kit, 24 hour nurse access, and phone calls from the Enbrel people every few days. As much as my parents may argue, I know I am not special, so why all the attention? This must be a pretty serious drug for so many different people to be spending so much time talking to me about it. Or, am I being a baby? So, if you have some Enbrel stories, please share.