Cannabis legalization day produces PR writing as flabby as a hand-rolled joint.

Many cannabis companies and the government issued news releases on Canada Newswire today to celebrate legalization. Their writing, however, was as flabby as a hand-rolled joint. Extra words, word repeats, grammatical errors, passive voices, inattention to the Copy Doctor’s ‘of is and by’ suggestions. Take a look at the A/B comparisons, and how the PR Writing was easily compressed.

Original

OTTAWA, Oct. 17, 2018 /CNW/ – The old approach to cannabis did not work. It let criminals and organized crime profit, while failing to keep cannabis out of the hands of Canadian youth. In many cases, it has been easier for our kids to buy cannabis than cigarettes.(42 words)See full release here.

PR Writer edit

The old approach to cannabis failed. Criminals and organized crime profited, while not keeping cannabis away from Canadian youth. Kids usually can buy cannabis easier than cigarettes. (27 words)

Key changes

Did not work

Failed

It let criminals and organized crime profit

Criminals and organized crime profited

While failing to keep cannabis out of the hands of Canadian youth

While not keeping cannabis away from Canadian youth

It has been easier for our kids to buy cannabis than cigarettes

Kids usually can buy cannabis easier than cigarettes

Original

TORONTO, Oct. 17, 2018 /CNW/ – Beleave is a vertically-integrated Canadian cannabis company headquartered in Oakville, Ontario, that operates streamlined facilities throughout Canada to cultivate high-quality cannabis flower, oil, and extracts with funded capacity in excess of 150,000 kg per year. (35 words)

TORONTO, Oct. 17, 2018 /CNW/ – Cannvas MedTech Inc. (“Cannvas” or the “Company”) (CSE: MTEC) (Frankfurt: 3CM), a leading business technology company in the cannabis space, is pleased to announce its intent, operating under its newly-formed Cannvas Cannabis Acquisitions brand, to install a network of learning kiosks in high-traffic retail areas across Canada to improve accessibility to free and unbiased education about the potential benefits of medical and adult-use cannabis. (64 words)