Master

Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

I’ve struggled with this a bit lately. I like to address my guy as my Master or Sir. He likes me to refer to him as Daddy sometimes. It took me awhile to realize the difference between slave and submissive. I used to think that a slave was a submissive that was just intense about his/her submission to one person in particular, her Master. But the way I now understand it is different. ???

At first, my Master referred to me as his pet, but I did not think of myself in the manner of a pet as in a dog or cat, per se, but more of pet as in a pet name like darling or something.

Recently, my Master said that he had been deciding that I more fit the category of a little?? In reading some things about a little, I totally see myself. I like to be taken care of and cuddled. But on the other hand, I don’t particularly care about dressing I pigtails and I’m not into coloring in a coloring book in my spare time. ( not that I would be against that, but I have no spare time! Lol) I prefer to crochet or brush my dog. Haha.

So honestly, I have no idea where I fit. Perhaps I don’t. 😦

I think of myself as truly submissive to my Master. I like calling him Sir as in Yes Sir. But then again, he has never asked me or told me to say anything different.

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A post, I recently read, hit home with some of my recent thoughts, so I thought I’d share them.

Living a 24/7 Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship is not ALL about being spanked and serving. Life really does have to occur in tandem. How do you make it all work? How do you continue real life, real family, real jobs, but yet still have a real D/s 24/7 relationship? Do you turn off your submissive or Domness until you have time for a longy in private in the bedroom?

Actually, some people do just that. They may have a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” on the side whom they “play” with every other weekend. And on these weekends, they do it ALL. They have a way to get away from the rest of the world and fulfill the need of being Dom and sub in a total way. And when the weekend or night is over, they go back to their regular lives. Maybe they text and call each other so as to keep the momentum, but then LIVE for the time when they can get back together. …. Been there, done that.

But what about for those who live it 24/7? AND live together 24/7? And by the way, they are different.

Living together and living 24/7 as Dom/sub or as Master/slave is a careful mix of the mundane and the mind-blowing. But, how does it REALLY work? Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, it should be a “work-in-progress”. If it really is, then learning how to mix the two will become easier and easier. I feel this to be soo true in my relationship with my Master. We have been together a long time. We became Dom/sub before our real life 24/7 living together (as husband and wife) and now have been married for more than 8 years. The D/s, though 24/7 ebbs and flows. But as the years go by, we grow closer and become more and more engrained in the D/s life and learn more and more how to make it work.

What does it mean to “make it work”? It simply means that both parties are on the same page, want the same thing, and are working to be more and more happy and satisfied. How do you do that? How does it happen? How do you “make it work”, then?

The number one things is communication. I know, I know. You always hear that. You know what? I USED to think that I was an awesome communicator. I knew all the tips and tricks and rules of how to be a good communicator. (“I hear you saying that…”) But when I married my Master, I quickly learned that I was, in fact, NOT a good communicator. SIGH….And I’m not saying that he was the best, either, but we won’t go there. Over the years, we have become better and better at communicating. It really is impressive. How did we do it? Well, really, not by reading books and going to lectures. But, instead, just by sheer talk. LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of it. We actually spend an enormous amount of time together. Really, it would make you sick. LOL And then there was the six months where we literally were commuting for literally hours a day and we, yes, you guessed it, TALKED.

One of our common subject topics was how to better our D/s relationship. We talked about what we wished we had and tried to find ways to work toward that. That is why I am often posting new and updated rules. We are trying new things or have gotten sidetracked and we are getting back on track again. Although I have not posted very much the last little bit, our relationship is on the fast track – hot and heavy and we are both loving it! It’s awesome!

We still have the mundane problems of life to deal with on a daily basis – like jobs, family, housekeeping, pets, cars, bills and so forth. The key is how to work in the mindblowing so that the mundane is not more than 50% of your day. 😉

For me, as the submissive, I need and crave feeling submissive. I need a constant stream of those things coming at me to make me feel submissive and so we work to make sure that I feel it. In return, I think that my Master feels more Dominant and thus also, more fulfilled.

How does it work in our life?…..hmmmm….let’s see. I recently read a post where a submissive was describing her weekly activities and how it portrayed her submissiveness. I also have my list – as follows:

-Each morning I arise before my Master and shower and shave.
-I then make his espresso in a special pot just the way he likes it in one of his special cups. I pour it into the cup very, very slowly so it cools some and then I add milk.
-Before I serve him the espresso, I suck and lick his cock until he tells me to give him his coffee.
-I serve it to him with handle turned the correct way.
-I pick my own clothing for work. He picks all my clothing for other than work. (I sleep naked.)
-Everyday, I ask which perfume I should wear. I have several perfumes and he changes daily.
-During the day, I text him and we have specific rules of when I am to text him.
-I must ask before going anywhere. Usually, he drives me to and from.
-I must ask for anything I desire. If granted, he buys. He controls all money. He does all shopping.
-I also serve him coffee after naps or any other time that he requests.
-If he finds a girl attractive, or chats with any other girls he lets me know.
-He tells me if he makes himself cum, while talking to someone else. Often, I’m at home and I suck his cock or fuck him as he talks to other girls. (This is a kink for both of us.)
-We have a girlfriend and we both text her and call her often and she comes to spend time with us, too.
-I say, yes Sir and no Sir in private and now are branching out a bit to saying it more often and not necessarily just in private.
-I get in trouble if I disobey.
-I’m SUPPOSED to ask before bathroom, shower, computer, book, etc. I do sometimes forget to ask before I go to the bathroom, because I have to pee a lot! LOL no that’s not a good excuse.
-I’m SUPPOSED to keep the calendar up to date.
-I’m SUPPOSED to lay out work clothes the night before and let him know when i have.
-I’m SUPPOSED to go to bed by 10pm on worknights and start getting ready at 9pm.
-I’m SUPPOSED to send him a pic of some kind each day. It can be me naked or someone else naked or just a normal pic if I’m not feeling it. To please him, though, I always try to send him something to turn him on.
-I’m SUPPOSED to go to the gym 5 days per week unless I ask first.
-I’m SUPPOSED to keep the bathroom clean – except the toilet.
-Of course, I also do as I’m told sexually at all times. And this is often during the week and sometimes more than once a day. 🙂

Okay, so I’m not perfect, but as you can see, we have a lot going on daily to try and keep me feeling submissive. It’s definitely more mind-blowing for me, than mundane!

Do you practice D/s? Do you practice it 24/7? Do you live together and practice D/s 24/7?

Practicing D/s – These are the people who are intrigued by Shades of Grey. These people date people who are also into D/s and they “play” on their dates. How often? Many times I hear of a D/s relationship where they may get together once a month or even less. Been there. Done that. (I, however, couldn’t wait for more!)

Practicing D/s 24/7 – I see this taking 2 major forms. One is as the phrase dictates, but not necessarily living together. For example, if a Dom requires his sub to perform rules and duties outside of the date, continually 24/7, then I would consider it a 24/7 relationship. Been there. Done that. (I, however, couldn’t wait for more!)

Living together and living D/s 24/7 – This is where the Dom and sub live together, married or not, but live together 24/7, have real lives that must be intertwined together and yet, still strive for the 24/7 Dom/sub relationship. I’m there! Doing that! (But it is harder than it seems.)

Yep. That’s what we did last night. My Master will tell me that we may have plans tonight. But he doesn’t tell me what/where/details. I hate/love that. On the one hand, it forces me to trust him. On the other hand, I want to know the juicy details.

So I start to get ready. Shower, shave, paint my toenails a new blue color. CUTE! And then sit at my computer to await instructions. After some time, he says that the first plans fell through. We were supposed to meet up with a guy whose wife was out of town, but he had a free hall pass. (Really? Who does that?) But, my Master said that the wife was going to call and chat to verify. OK..that sounds better. But, anyway, he went to a bar first and it was getting too late, so my Master dropped that.

It was getting later and later and honestly I was getting tired. 2am is pretty late. I drank a stevia cola for the caffeine along with my beer to calm my nerves. Ok, he says, we have plans are you still up to it? Sure I say. Because I am a Good Girl. I am my Daddy’s Good Little Girl and I know it will please him.

We head to this other guys house whose wife is also “out of town”. I’m leery, but ok. We meet the guy, go to the bedroom. I suck his cock and my Master fucks me. I REALLY enjoyed the fuck from my Master. The guy, well, he was ok, I guess. He was really nervous and was about to cum the moment I started to suck him, so I had to really back off on my cock sucking skills as he couldn’t take it. When finally he let go and came in my mouth, my first thought was…..wow, he is really salty!!!! Then my Master wrapped it up and we left. THAT was a QUICKIE, INDEED!!!

After we left, my Master said that he got the vibe that the guy was maybe not actually on a hall pass from his wife. We don’t want to get into issues where everybody, whether there or not, is not consenting. I’m glad my Master feels that way.

“The emotions aren’t always immediately subject to reason,
but they are always immediately subject to action”

Quote from philosopher-pyschologist William James

Laughter: What makes you laugh?

Lots of things make me laugh. My Master is hilarious and makes me laugh all the time. I think humor is very, very important!

Anger: This past week, who or what really pissed you off? What happened?

Honestly, I can’t really think of anything that pissed me off this week. I guess I did get somewhat mad at a friend who told me she would have to check her calendar in response to my lets get together (coworker not a sex partner). And then she never got back to me. I felt mad and rejected. awwww. oh, well, onward.

Fear: What phobia did you have but overcame?

I used to be deathly afraid of heights and I’ve somewhat overcome that. (The helicopter ride in the Bahamas kind of cured me. LOL)

Surprise: Recently, what unexpected act or behavior did you experience in your sex life?

Um, well, the last time we went on a playdate, I was actually on my period. I had a tampon in and still wanted to play, but only like me giving oral and so forth. Surprisingly, the woman of the couple we were playing with fucked me in the ass with a strap on dildo. I was surprised, but went with it as my Master was encouraging me. Also, Master bought me a really cute sundress!

Trust: Many on-going relationships have a certain predictability about them. Does that certainty translate into trust?

I’m not sure about that. I mean I totally trust my Master, but he is definitely not always predictable.

Excitement: Who do you excite?

I hope that I excite my Master. And I also hope that I excite whatever play partners we encounter.

Bonus: What intimate activity do you share with your partner, something that is meaningful to your relationship? For example Sunday breakfast in bed, cooking, maintenance spanking, etc.

There are sooo many things! I serve him coffee in bed and we often sit beside each other and get on our computers and converse and share as we do. We also text like crazy to each other. We spend a LOT of time together and we never tire of it. We’ve been married for 8 years! Things only get better.

For quite some time, we’ve moved around – 3 times in the past year! – but starting to get settled although, for how long, who knows. I’m just glad I’m back closer to my job. yay! We’ve had lots of fun in our BDSM 24/7 relationship, as well as ups and downs, of course. We are closer than ever. We swing some and play some BDSM, but not as much as either of us would like. Life just gets in the way. But, I think we both have the same goals in mind. We both want more and we both want each other!

I’ve also come across a friend that who is in the lifestyle that might be fun to chat with. It’s hard to find platonic friends that you can chat with, because our lifestyle is so secretive. It is slowly becoming more acceptable though, no doubt.

Let’s talk about a kink. How about Abrasion? Hmmm….Merriam Webster says –

an injury caused by something that rubs or scrapes against the skin

: the act or process of damaging or wearing away something by rubbing, grinding, or scraping

From what I’ve read, this could include use of sandpaper or brushes in rubbing the skin.

I’ve only gotten abrasions as a side note. I’ve gotten rug burns on my knees more than once from sucking my Master’s cock and from crawling on my knees. The past several years we have only lived in places without carpet, so it’s been awhile. I’ve also gotten abrasions on my pussy and thighs from where I’ve shaved combined with a lot of fucking.

I’ve not received abrasions on purpose as a way for a Dom/Master to inflict torture on me. I think it would hurt but probably not too bad. It might be interesting to experience as a method of actual torture. Wonder how my Master would feel about that? Meaning I wonder if it is something that my Master might enjoy inflicting on me. Would it turn him on? Because I’m really all for ANYTHING that turns him on. mmmm.

Dear Sir,
I just thought I would take this opportunity, while I’m alone, to write and tell you how much I love, cherish, admire, and adore you. I love being your pet. I love being your wife. I love your intelligence and your strength. I love your creativity. I love your perseverance and I love your tender encouragement. I also love that you stand your ground and I love your I love your discipline. I love the way you treasure me. I love the way you listen to me. I love that you are interested in me and what I have to say. i love that you may listen, but you still do as you see fit or what you want. I love that you are such an awesome parent. I love your geeky side, your motor-head side, your masculine side, your tender side, your intellectual side, your awesome perceptual side, but most of all…I love the side that’s beside me.

Day 22 – Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

I definitely think that you can feel submissive without a dominant partner. Someone only need act someone dominant toward you and you may feel submissive. It could be something as innocent as a boss telling you, as an employee, to do something. That doesn’t mean you need to go with the feeling of actually being HIS submissive. And if it is something out of the way, then you needn’t comply unless you want to. AND, if you decided to comply with the command, that doesn’t mean that you instantly become HIS sub. I don’t believe you should INSTANTLY go into any kind of a relationship, including a Dom/sub relationship, no more importantly including a Dom/sub relationship, until you truly know that person and have come to agreements on limits so that you can trust that person. Trust is way, way more important in a Dom/sub relationship than any other, in my opinion.

With that said, have I ever felt submissive without having a dominant partner? Once I realized that I, indeed, was “submissive” I was already in a BDSM relationship. I met my Master as I began my journey into exploration of BDSM. But, there has been times when I have not been with my Master that I have been told to do something by a male and I’ve actually been taken aback with feelings of submissiveness. However, it has also kind of scared me because I hadn’t wanted to submit to them in any way. I had to separate in my mind what was going on and then comply not as a submissive, but rather comply because it made sense or was for the good of the group, etc. It really made me miss my Master.