Saturday, November 4, 2017

S: Okay, it was in the top 10 of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life.

M: [whistles] Bold words.

S: But like, in the middle of that movie, I texted Kyle to tell him. I'm surprised they had that many big name actors, I suppose.

J: I was thinking that too, as there are definitely more famous people in this one, but there were also some pretty famous people in the first one too.

M: True.

S: True, but the first one was better than this.

M: Was it?!

S: YES. The first one was definitely not in my worst top 5.

J: Right, but the gimmicks were the same.

M: I was gonna say, I don't know if I just wanted this one to be better and so believed in my mind that it was somewhat better because they made a second one, so... but... it's kind of a toss-up, now that I think about it.

S: Julianne Moore has been in some really terrible movies.

"Champ here. I'm all about having fun. Whammy!"

M: She was in Suburbicon, though, and it was so good. And Big Lebowski.

S: She was so good in that. But. There's something about this movie that seems like a desecration of the first movie. I'm not using that word correctly, am I.

M: [laughs] I think that's giving the first movie too much credit.

"S: I don't disagree, but having just watched the first movie not too long ago, I just think that this was so much worse.

J: Ehhhhhh...

S: Fine.

J: I'm just saying, my only complaint with this movie was that damn, it dragged. There were some parts in the middle where I totally lost interest, despite the fact that they were rather important to the plot.

Thar she blows!

M: [nods] I felt myself thinking, 'Okay, this is the last fight scene. So we've prolly only got 20 minutes left...' which is never a good sign.

S: That is not a good sign.

J: No, same, totally. I resisted hard the urge to check my phone.

M: Yeah.

S: I just gave in to that.

M: When I try to make sense of this movie and find its place in the world and its reason for existing, I think it's because Bond movies, especially Roger Moore-era Bond movies, used to be so absurd and silly, and now Bond movies are so much better. So I feel like maybe this is revisiting or attempting to fill that void.

S: Okay. So to further back my argument that the second movie is substantially worse, on Metacritic, the first movie got a score of 60... out of 100. The second movie got a score of 44. Which I feel like is a substantially worse rating.

But why is the [whiskey] gone!?

M: Maybe... not all the critics have seen it yet...?

S: [laughs] That's kind of not the point! I just feel while, yes, the first movie used some tried and true action movie tropes, the second movie did not pull that off as successfully.

J: So I agree that the tropes, as you say, were done well in the first movie and therefore rather unexciting in this movie, and I also agree that the plot was quite a bit less organized than the first film...

M: Was it pro-legalization? Anti?

S: Does it matter?

M: Not really...

J: But that's really...

"Arrrrr, Eggsy!"

S: Did you really get Billie a dog bed?

M: I mean, Grandma got her a dog bed, but she really likes it. And it's blue.

J: SO IT'S a good talking point about this film, to say that it...

M: [laughs hysterically]

J: ...that it brings up an excellent question about drugs and legalization and the type of person who uses recreational drugs.

M: But does it?!

S: BUT DOES IT.

J: I mean...

"I'm a wizard, Eggsy!"

S: And by the ways, people in Hollywood are kidding themselves if they believe people who work in the White House are not regularly drug tested. Or at least upon employment.

J: I was also confused about who the president was supposed to represent. I mean, he sounded like a douchy Bush...

S: Do you mean a douchy Bush or a douchy Trump?

M: Julianne Moore said something about 'take this deal and make America great again.'

S: I feel like Donald Trump has been more proactive about rolling back the legalization of marijuana in states.

J: Yeah, the southern accent just really threw me off. And was that lady the vice president? How... oh I was about to give something away. Never mind! Yeah, they just cut a lot of corners, but again, I felt like the first movie did that too.

M: But the first movie didn't also have Channing Tatum.

"I'm a cowboy, Eggsy!"

S: You mean Tequila.

M: So there's that.

J: Right, but he was effing cryofrozen at the beginning.

S: We did get to see him in boxer briefs.

M: Cryo-quasi-naked.

S: Exactly.

M: Not that I care, but...

S: Are you sure?

M: I kind of care. Can we talk about who played Whiskey? Because if that guy is not Burt Reynolds' son, then...

S: Let me IMDB this, okay...

"I'm not Burt Reynolds, Eggsy."

M: I kept wanting him to be Brian Fantana, but he wasn't. Would've been a lot cooler if he was. Is he related to Burt Reynolds? Are we sure?

S: No.

M: Is he rumored to be the illegitimate son of Burt Reynolds?

S: He's a Chilean-born American actor...

M: [trills]

S: Best known for playing Oberyn Martell.

[ensuing discussion of GoT and the fact that M hasn't seen it]

We don't do dragons.

M: Because dragons.

S: Which is stupid.

M: I don't do dragons.

S: It's a stupid reason not to see it. I don't "do" dragons either, because I'm not a weirdo, but...

M: Way to make it weird.

S: You're welcome. Any time I can make it MORE weird, I'm right here for you.

S: I may or may not have lied to Kyle about the movie we've been watching.

J: But really I liked it. Mostly Colin Firth. And the sexy shoes.

S: He's so dreamy.

M: Shoes?!

"...and that's where babies come from."

S: I love how passionate this lady is about wine, yet she has a dog cartoon shirt.

M: I know, right?!

S: I'm so enthralled by this show, I can't stop watching.

M: Right?!
J: So Kingsman. Let's talk about the brogues!

M: I'll turn it down. [Turns down volume on The Wine Show]

S: Let's talk about the brogues. Wait, those guys are teenagers. What's happening? What are they doing with their hands? Does anyone ever die in this show?

M: I don't think so.

S: That's disappointing.

M: Aw, it's a sunset shot. With the Matthews. Also, can I just say...

S: Yes...

M: I love Matthew Goode... next... as much as the next Matthew-loving person. However, why, does Mary, on Downton Abbey, end up with his character?

J: [screams] No!

S: Why are you getting so upset about this? Did you need us to warn you before we talked about the end of the 3-year old show?

J: [screams] No!

S: If only Dan Stevens had not decided to leave the show.

"And with this handshake, I thee wed."

M: But seriously though, Charles Blake, so much more well-suited for Mary.

S: Seriously. Can I just say that watching the English Premier League and watching English shows just makes me want to move to London? Why is that. I don't even like big cities.

M: Let's all move to Brighton!

"It's very stylish and elegant."
S: Or we could just move to Liverpool.

J: I really liked Kingsman.

S: Oh, are we talking about the movie now?

J: Well, I think it's worth mention as this is a post in its honor.

S: Fine. You're such, like a... stick-in-the-mud.

M: Burn.

J: Whatever. Colin Firth and I are going to have beautiful British spy-babies.

S: Did you know that he has children who are in their teens? Their like, late teens? I believe. He's much older than you would imagine him being.

This is the British Hunger Games.

M: But he seems so spry!

S: He seems so spry! Plus he jumped into that pond fully clothed. In Pride and Prejudice.
M: I was just going to say...

S: It was 30+ years ago.

M: You were the one with the Pride and Prejudice drinking game, right?

S: Yes. It's impossible to finish in one night.

M: I'd like to try.

J: So what would we like to say about Kingsman?

S: So I liked Kingsman, generally, but I did not like the ending. I thought it was a very disappointing ending?

J: Why?

S: It was very unfulfilling. You were left with a feeling of Colin Firth being dead, which is always unfulfilling. And the main character, for lack of a better word, f*cking...

M: I was gonna say shagging, because this is a British blog...

S: ...in the back door! Which is like... what princess is like... that seems particularly unrealistic. Who starts a relationship like that?

"Hail Satan."

M: Who said anything about a relationship?

S: I don't even care if it's just a sexual thing, no one is ever like, I just want you to f*ck me in the back door. I mean, I might be crazy, but...

M: To be fair, I also hated the ending, but, I think it was just supposed to be a tribute to terrible James Bond tropes.

S: True, but none of those women were like, "visit my backdoor..."

M: That was next-level.

S; Where did the Matthews go? Why are they not here?

M: So there's Joe. And... Amelia? Do I get a prize for that? [head explodes]

J: I also hated the ending, I thought it was a departure from the film's main tropes, which were, in fact, in praise of the British gentleman. not that gentleman don't do it "in the back door" so-to-speak, but alluding to it in a silly spy film seems a bit over-the-top. Though, this isn't entirely just a "silly spy film."

M: It isn't?

J: I mean, it's kind of violent?

M: I thought we also all agreed that gentlemanly-ness is a dangerous terminology.

S: Yes.

J: Very true. There is a female spy candidate, one of two, and she ends up playing a very paltry role in the final sequence, which is bizarre, because she's the one who ultimately wins the candidacy.

"Mother-f*cking spies on a mother-f*cking plane!"

M: Also, it just occurred to me while watching it, that she's definitely a character that could have been of a different race but not. I know it's a British movie, but there are a lot of British people of different races. She didn't have to be blonde.

S: Yeah! It's even more acceptable there.

J: It's absolutely true. Spies are white, apparently.

M: I notice that with movies so much. How much races are interchangeable, but aren't. Samuel L. Jackson is one of... two? black people in the movie.

J: So we liked the movie, except for the ending and the lack of diversity...

M: An old, old wooden ship...

J: But the plot was reasonably relevant and clever and I really liked the fight sequences.

M: They were quite... graphic.

J: They were, and seemed less so this viewing, which perhaps isn't a good thing, but the nuance and choreography involved were impressive.

M: [nods] Also, brogues. You had a wide spread of brogues. Colin Firth, very posh and proper, Eggsy, very...

S: Very street-wise, like an east-ender, probably.

M: And then, Merlin, was that Scottish? Ish?

S: Sure?

M: Northern England?

J: I really don't know what he was going for, but it was a bit odd. I didn't quite trust him throughout the movie, but evidently for no good reason. I'm just a cynical bastard these days. #thankstrump

M: Also shoes with brogues.

J: "Oxford, not brogues!"

M: [nods] They seemed down on brogues, brogueing. I don't know enough to know why, but...

Saturday, May 27, 2017

J: Apparently it's a normal thing for British people. "This is pretty cool cycling. It's rather like going on a nature safari. ... I'm going to get into trouble for being the world's worst baboon patrolman."

M: So... if you've not heard of it yet, which we had not until a week or two ago, there is a show called The Wine Show. It's about wine. Sometimes.

J: Today it's about baboons.

M: Apparently.

J: So we were planning to blog about all of these interesting, feature-length films about important people and whatnot... yeah I don't remember now, but then Mere suggested The Wine Show, partly because (okay mostly because) Matthew Goode and Matthew Rhys are the hosts... "hosts"... and I figured sure! Why not?

M: Well I'll tell you why not. But no really, it's incredibly entertaining, sometimes intentionally, other times... ah... I'm at a loss for words.

J: I've tried to explain this to several people so far, including the cashier at the liquor store earlier this evening, but no one can ever fully understand the farce that is The Wine Show without watching it.

M: I feel like the title in general really shows you what the thought process was behind this show.

J: So not very much.

I'm controlling you... with my EYES...

M: [laughs] And yet! Again, quite entertaining.

J: To make a long blog post longer, The Wine Show is largely about two celebrities named Matthew in a villa in Italy learning about (and drinking lots of) wine from a sommelier who has one of the creepiest face stares/eyes I have ever seen.

M: They are so big...

J: The show is built into four major segments. The initial education, the wine bachelor, the chef special, and the lady who's usually in Australia.

M: I think we need to talk more about the wine bachelor, just to clarify.

J: I forgot the gadget segment!

M: The James Bond/Obi-wine Kenobi segment.

Gadgets for everyone!

J: So five-part show. Consistently. But right, bachelor wining...

M: Right. So. They are tasked with going to various Italian locales and selecting a wine to represent the "spirit" of that region, at which point the man with the scary eyes picks the best one and places it in a velvet box [dies laughing].

J: This show, I swear. The first episode we watched I half expected it to be a total joke. It's that ridiculous and earnest and poorly, what, scripted? Edited? Directed? What's going on here? The premise, clearly, has nothing wrong with it... [laughs]

M: There are few moments in the show more entertaining when we get the... what do you call it... when they suddenly do the speaking directly to the camera.

J: Breaking the 4th wall?

Why are you watching this!?

M: Yes, more or less! Very abruptly. [laughs] There's another box of aromas! Is this a sommelier thing?

J: I daresay it is. The thing is, the scary-eyes guy frequently looks at the camera during his segments, but the Matthews almost never do. Except when they do. Abruptly. And so far, it's only Matthew Goode.

M: I think Matthew Rhys did it once in the last episode. Not that I'm keeping track. Also, as this is a blog without brogues, can we please talk about the fact that when they do the voice-over narration, I cannot hardly distinguish between the Matthews.

J: It's true! I expected a much stronger Welsh accent from Matthew Rhys, but they sound almost identical. Maybe he was raised somewhere else, I don't know. Either way, the Britishisms are iconic.

M: Outstanding.

J: "Well knock me down with a feather!"

[Matthew Rhys looks directly at the camera]

M: See! The fact that Matthew Rhys constantly suggests having a nice ale instead and/or sarcastically speaking into the camera makes me think, uh, the show was not his idea.

J: I completely agree. He seems drawn in reluctantly at best...

Oooooh I'm winning!

M: ... by Matthew Goode and his jean shorts... his endless supply of jean shorts. And hats.

J: The fact that Matthew Goode is winning the wine bachelor cannot help with that.

M: It's true.

J: All that said, we have learned a little bit about wine so far, and I'd love to try some of the more interesting ones that the feature on the show.

M: The interviews with the chefs and the... what do you call a wine-maker?

J: Uh, something something vineyard...

M: Grape-smasher...

J: Yeah that person...

M: Fermenter. Grape fermenter. Anyways, those interviews have been very interesting.

J: They have! I like the chef input, too. At first we thought this might be a lot like The Trip, but mostly it's just...

M: A lot of... [makes wine swirling motion]

J: They do it ALL the time! Something about aeration and oxygen and...

M: And it looks cool.

J: I mean, we're doing it now.

M: Yes. Watching this show makes you want to do that and just drink a lot of wine in general. Also you never see them spit out wine or hesitate to drink all of the wine...

J: True! There are actually funny quips about how excited they are to have multiple glasses or to try lots of different kinds... we've been lucky to have bottles of rose available at both viewings thus far.

M: I think it's imperative to have wine available whilst viewing this show.

J: The only shame is that we're watching it after its conclusion. Apparently they were very active on...

We are friends!

M: The "sosh meeds."

J: Things just got serious. We're getting in touch with some Catholics. At the Vatican.

M: Is he wearing shorts... surely not at the Vatican. He's wearing shorts at the Vatican! Jesus, Matthew Goode.

J: Jesus, indeed!

M: Also I would like so many gifs from this show.

J: Every other scene is perfection in silly, endearing, earnest facial expressions. Wait, that dude is legit American.

M: Yes. At the Vatican. I mean, the Vatican is its own country.

J: Turns out he's been there for 18 months. And is a Jesuit. So surely communion wine, even in the Vatican, is not good.

M: It hasn't been, in my experience. Very vinegar-y.

J: And weirdly sweet?

Wrap it up, girls.

M: Yes. "Certainly sweet."

J: Wow, I've never noticed the priest in the back seat in these promos!

M: [sings monastery songs] PANTS.

J: I think we should wrap this up.

M: I said pants because Matthew Goode is in a monastery and he's finally wearing pants. Also, I just want to throw in that they refer to each other as "Goodey" and "Rhysy" because that's just great.

J: HARRY POTTER REFERENCE.

M: Did they really!? I missed it. I mean, I'm not surprised.

J: Reference to Hogwarts.

M: Also, I feel like we should take this opportunity to link to Fakers, our previous reference to Matthew Rhys. I feel like we've linked to Match Point far too many times... so...

J: I typed it, I'm linking it.

M: Fair enough.

J: In conclusion, I highly recommend watching The Wine Show if you like wine, British celebrities, or anyone named Matthew.

M: To be honest, I've only read one of her books. And I didn't love it. Although, the film interpretation of that book is, in fact, probably my favorite memory of all time. Or at least, one of the best films I've ever seen ever.

J: [makes multiple incredulous faces]

M: And that book is called The Children of Men. Did not love the book, but seriously watch the movie. Amazing.

J: Okay, okay, I agree. Saw the movie in France, was mind-blown. Amazing.

M: Life-changing. So, she has a detective series about detective Adam Dalglish. They were on Netflix, I don't know if they still are, but they are worth every penny at your local rental store, if not. Brits? Brits probably has them.

J: I would guess! Or they would order them for you. Or Liberty Hall has them. Or they might order them. Basically look around. Don't be lazy.

M: So... Dalglish is probably more late 80s. Midsomer Murders on PBS or from PBS is more late 90s.

J: Okay. So if you like British murder mysteries and you're feeling nostalgic for poor film quality, we have this excellent recommendation for you. Probably on VHS, don't worry about it.

He could be 27, he could be 17. We truly don't know.

M: Ah, Midsomer Murders is on Netflix. For sure. And it's much more campy, humorous, but nonetheless satisfying.

J: Our readers are all about satisfying British cop humor. So tell me more about this modern business...

M: Okay. Midsomer Murders. It was on PBS, we discovered it on Netflix. It's... well frankly, it's great. I highly recommend it, if you're into that sort of thing. However, if you're into something more... historic... more of a period piece, something which we have found to be mind-blowingly relevant to our current political climate here in America...

Look at us. We're wearing hats.

J: [nods knowingly]

M: I cannot recommend enough Foyle's War. I think it was on PBS? I'm not sure. It's more recent than Midsomer. It's also on Netflix. However, it's set during WWII and it explores lots of topics related to German immigration during WWII... basically it's a detective inspector superintendent... some super-large title... who investigates murders and what-not in England during WWII. It's f*cking brilliant.

J: That sounds a bit heavy. But relevant! And important.

BUT SERIOUSLY HOW OLD ARE YOU.

M: And! Best of all... as far as actors go, there's a lot of carry-over from Midsomer Murders, which we also enjoy very much.

J: Excellent suggestions! If you're looking for blatant and terrible distractions from our current political situation (and/or your life situation in general), I highly recommend Outlander, which is Scottish and has a plethora of innuendo and blatant sexy-times. I mean, there's nudity. For both parties.

M: That's all I keep hearing about Outlander! My boss keeps telling me how much she likes the Outlander series, and all I keep thinking about is all the sexy-times! I mean, she doesn't tell me about the sexy-times. But I bet she likes the sexy-times.

J: I mean, they're good sexy-times.

M: I'm all about good sexy-times.

Look at your man, now back to me. I'm on a horse. Old Spice.

J: Who isn't?! Also I will say, the costume designer and the set designer have done a truly fantastic job putting Claire and Jamie in the right atmosphere for sexy-times.

M: [laughs] It's all about the atmosphere.

J: And the innuendo. And the sexy red-haired Scottish man.

M: Yes, indeed.

J: Anyway, that one's nice.

M: I have one more recommendation! The Imitation Game.
J: Dammit! I have been meaning to see that!

M: It is not a happy movie, necessarily.

It's Benedict! How hard is that?!

J: [frowns]

M: But! If you need encouragement, it does have Bendyback Cumberpatch AND Matthew Goode. Big fan of Matthew Goode.

M: [laughs] So, BWAB has a lot of recommendations. Because of circumstances, we have not had opportunities to coordinate our British media viewings. I was going to say "winter is coming," but it's not. But we will find time to watch things in the future for a more cohesive post for our viewers because our greatest concern is indeed our consumers of this fine, fine blog post.

J: That was a terrible run-on sentence. But I agree! I wasn't done either. I recommend Outlander as well as this fantastic snarky Veep-precursor called The Thick of It. It features a very biting...

M: Mmm...

Still Scottish, less angry, more scared.

J: Anyway... Peter Capaldi...

M: [intensified mmm]

J: Who SOME OF YOU may know as the latest iteration of Dr. Who. I will say that after he was initially confirmed and I saw a few episodes, I was quite disappointed by his performance and his overall demeanor. However, after viewing the whole season I came around. Also, if I had seen The Thick of It prior to watching the new season of Dr. Who, I think I would have been much more amenable to Peter Capaldi. He's quick and witty and angry and very, very Scottish.

M: Delightful! May I also point out that in addition to a young James MacAvoy, Foyle's War also features Mr. David Tennant.

J: [gasps] GO WATCH IT NOW. I love David Tennant.

I love you too, Jenna.

M: [raises hand] Oh! Also, so, the great part about Foyle's War is yeah, he's this big important detective-man, but he doesn't drive.

J: What now?

M: And so, his commanding officer appoints him a driver. As there's a war going on, this driver happens to be female. And she is f*cking great.
J: So it turns out that our main recommendation from this meandering sh*t-show of a blog post, if you've made it this far, is Foyle's War. Not sorry.

M: Seriously, so good. Disclaimer: I usually end up crying at the end of every episode. I mean, it's war-time and it's pretty f*cking intense.

We can explain...

A hundred years ago, when we were in high school, we bonded over our mutual love of Irish culture. With a little hard work and one traumatizing Student Senate experience, The Irish American Club was born!

Though the club accomplished nothing more than holding a St. Patrick's Day bake sale (which funded some seriously rad t-shirts), we're back again for another try. This time, it's different (we swear!).

We recently spent a year studying beginning Irish Gaelic at the Irish Cultural Center in Kansas City, Missouri. We also both own laptops and enough expendable income to find and view plenty of movies. Then there's the matter of all the time we've discovered we have since graduating from college...

Bottom line: Blog with a Brogue is a chance for us, and you, to delve a little deeper into one of the things we find most fascinating about Irish (or any) culture: the accent. In this blog, we're featuring accents from the Atlantic Archipelago, which includes Ireland, Northern Ireland, Wales, Scotland, and England.

Sit back, grab a pint of your favorite beverage (if it's in a pint glass, it counts), and enjoy!