Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.
Dorothy Thompson

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Funky Town

Yeah…that’s where I’ve been. I’m in a funk and I can’t seem to leave. I don’t know if it’s my continuing grief over losing Bowser, this gray, gloomy, snowy weather, other work type and legal related issues or a combination of everything. It also feels like I may be coming down with something.

Anyway, speaking of Bowser, I just wanted to thank everyone who expressed their sympathies either on this blog or via email or phone. It has been a rough week. I keep looking for him everywhere. Only recently have I been able to walk into the house without bursting into tears when he’s not here to greet me with his smiling face and wagging tail. I would particularly like to thank Jim’s parents and my parents who stepped up and helped care for Bennett so I could have time to clean, sort through Bowser’s stuff and most importantly, grieve. I would also like to thank Auntie Bonnie who called and sent some beautiful flowers – they definitely helped to lift my spirit. I also want to thank Kara who has been a great email support over the last couple of weeks and who valiantly tried to cheer me up this weekend during a play date by simultaneously juggling an open cup of milk and Bennett’s soother.

Since I’ve been feeling so down, I thought I would try some retail therapy. However, a new pair of shoes or clothes just didn’t seem to cut it. So, Jim and I went out to buy a new vehicle. By the end of the week I should be behind the wheel of my brand new Honda Odyssey. You know what they say, “Go big or go home.”

Our sleeping arrangements have changed a bit – I have now joined Jim and Bennett in bed. Bennett starts the evening in his crib but will usually wake himself up coughing at around 1am. At this point he comes into bed with us where he stays until morning. Oh well…I suppose I might miss this when he’s a teenager.

Bennett continues to make progress with his cruising and now spends about half of his time on his feet rather than crawling. Yesterday, he took 5 steps on his own for our physiotherapist. Needless to say I was very proud. Unfortunately as his mobility seems to increase, so does his attitude. My sweet, easygoing boy is developing quite a stubborn streak. He is very sure about what he wants and what he doesn’t want. The only problem is that I don’t always know what that is.

So, that’s all I’ve got for you. I do have a lot to say about a few different subjects but haven’t gotten around to actually writing it out yet. I promise to get back on track soon – or at least I promise to try.

The picture above is of Biscotasi Lake in Northern Ontario. It is taken from a helicopter trip I went on for work a couple years ago.

7 comments:

Oh Barbara...how sweet of you to refer to my weird spasm episode as "juggling".

This is a horrible time of year where a lot of us feel blue - and that's without having just lost our best friend.

With all of the exciting things that are happening - the new van, a trip, Bennett being well on his way to walking (not to mention our date to do Christmas crafts and eat cookies) I'm sure you'll be on your way out of Funky Town in no time.

You've both had a lot on your plate. Combine terrible grief on the loss of your companion and pal (Bowser),rotten weather that makes ambulation (even for sure-footed folk) tricky, constant pain in your ankle, waking every night with a coughing son, sharing your bed (no matter how cute the "other" boy is - - and I'm not saying which boy I'm talking about)and insurance/legal challenges - and what do you have? The Perfect Storm. You have a right to feel like the world is crashing in around you - and - I promise - it won't be forever.

I'm not sure a Honda will do much to make those things better, but it will help to bring some distraction. Hopefully you will be able to get around with greater ease. Big and important question - Does it have a DVD player for Bennett? (Why would I even ask that question??)

Things are going to get better. The sun will shine and the snow will stop - some day soon. Remember that weekend get-away Jim offered a few blogs back? You might want to consider that offer.

I'm not surprised Bennett is being transformed into Mr. Attitude. He is going to be two in a few short weeks - and I think they don't call it "terrible two's" for nothing. We all go through it - and in it learn boundaries and limits and that we are still loved, no matter how rotten our disposition might feel on a given day. I overheard a mom at Tim Horton's talking to her friend saying, "They tell me if I can just survive until he's 4, it will get better." I don't know if that is much consolation - but they say misery loves company.

I'm thrilled that Bennett is taking steps on his own. See - - he was so close when he was hanging on to the wall. There may soon be a blog recalling with great longing those days when it was easier to know where he was and what he was doing. The next will be running. How long have we all prayed for that eh?

As always, I am wrapping you up in a big hug. My friend Bowswer is giving you a big wet kiss from heaven too.

Lots of bloggy therapy and support here. I hope writing the post about being blue helps - it should - as well as the encouraging comments in response. Sending prayers and affection. You will get through this.