Abbas-Mustan have always left me wishing I was a Bollywood star. The duo make acting seem so darn easy. Wear leather. And glitter. Strike several poses. Walk in slow mo. Stare vacantly into the camera. Deliver lines impassively. Shake your bottom to some random song. Travel half the world for shooting all this. And get paid for it too.

But being a Bollywood star is a distant dream. So, as a viewer I thank A-M for starting 2012 on such a spectacularly, sublimely silly note. Players gave me what I was looking so hard for: laughter! Unintended or otherwise, it’s a riot. Try as hard as I may I can’t get serious about it but I do treasure some of its priceless gems. Here’s an anthology of precious moments/characters from Players:

I have done MA in Ethical Hacking, PhD on a hacker called Spider, got gold medal for that. I wear blue nail paint. And also shake my derriere in tiger-skin wali skinny pants. I am Sonam Kapur.

I have a pronounced Tamil accent. But play a Punjabi prosthetic and makeup expert called Sunny Mehra. So I wear a kadaa in my arm for authenticity. I am Omi Vaidya.

I am an explosive expert. Can talk in 32 lingos. But I happen to be deaf. Why the hell? What would have been lost in the script if I had the power to hear? I am Sikander Kher.

I wear a red bikini. Am an auto expert. I use boosters to activate a train engine. What does that mean? Who cares? I wear red bikini na! I am Bipasha Basu.