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Well as I picked up my 4 year old today, the teacher called me into the hall to say they are having problems with her. The first is that she is sticking out her tongue and then when they tell her to stop, she keeps saying she is doing it because of something the other kid did. But the teacher said today she said that and she had been watching the whole time and the kid hadn't done anything.

The second problem was not listening and not sitting still in circle time and at lunch. The teacher just wanted me to talk to her about it but really we have some of these problems at home - knowingly telling a lie, not sitting still and only listening when she wants to. She knows how to do these things and didn't have this problem in last years class. Any tips or suggestion to get her to behave better? What do you do when you kid lies like this? (DS never really did that.) TIA

Leigh, Jacen (6), Alexa (3)

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4 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:lying, won't listen or sit stillWell as I picked up my 4 year old today, the teacher called me into the hall to say they are having problems with her. The first is that she is sticking out her tongue and then when they tell her to stop, she keeps saying she is doing it because of something the other kid did. But the teacher said today she said that and she had been watching the whole time and the kid hadn't done anything.

The second problem was not listening and not sitting still in circle time and at lunch. The teacher just wanted me to talk to her about it but really we have some of these problems at home - knowingly telling a lie, not sitting still and only listening when she wants to. She knows how to do these things and didn't have this problem in last years class. Any tips or suggestion to get her to behave better? What do you do when you kid lies like this? (DS never really did that.) TIA

This is just my opinion, but I'm not sure a 4 year old really knows what a lie is yet. I would try and explain what the truth and a lie is, and why lying isn't acceptable. We didn't punish for a lie until they were older, like maybe 6 or so. I just didn't think they fully had a grasp on what a lie really was, and why it was so wrong at that age.

This is just my opinion, but I'm not sure a 4 year old really knows what a lie is yet. I would try and explain what the truth and a lie is, and why lying isn't acceptable. We didn't punish for a lie until they were older, like maybe 6 or so. I just didn't think they fully had a grasp on what a lie really was, and why it was so wrong at that age.

I tend to agree with MWC. We just call them out, explaining why try are wrong. Primarily, that you need to own up to your actions and that lying is a sign of being weak. We talk about having a strong moral character. Obviously, not in those terms but at an age appropriate level. I have to say we haven't had much issue with this. Levi's lies tend to be minor. Also remember lying is natural and children will explore using them.

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Report This| Share this:lying, won't listen or sit stillI tend to agree with MWC. We just call them out, explaining why try are wrong. Primarily, that you need to own up to your actions and that lying is a sign of being weak. We talk about having a strong moral character. Obviously, not in those terms but at an age appropriate level. I have to say we haven't had much issue with this. Levi's lies tend to be minor. Also remember lying is natural and children will explore using them.

Generally four year olds learn at this age that they can get away with it. Perhaps someone at school had done it and got away wiith it. At the age of 4 do you honestly believe that they know what lying is abt? Again with sticking out her tongue, this again is something she has picked up from who knows' who. When this started it should have been explained to her that it is wrong for her to do that. Perhaps her last year of school the teacher probably just turned her head and looked the other way because of her age. So now we have a problem that this teacher is obviously not like the last. Where you said the teacher watched to make sure that the other child wasn't doing the same. I'm sorry but there is no way that the teacher starred at them at all times. I am not doubting what she is saying to you is the truth, its' just that some teachers' at times' pick on other children(s). If you find her doing this at home, get a chair and sit it in a corner and let her know that this is for bad behavior. I wouldnt' keep her in the chair any more than 10-15min. Again at her age this is something new, like hey I can stick out my tongue, look at me. It almost sounds as though she is looking for attention but she also has learned something. Some teachers' go by the books', some just turn their heads, which is likely what happened in the last school year. Let her know under no circumstances' you will not tolerate this. Use the chair. Talk with the teacher (keep in touch) again if she has done this again in class, when you are taking her home talk to her, try and find out why she is doing this? Is it for attention, is she seeing favoritism at school as well as home? Is she an only child? There is obviously doing this for a reason. You need to sit down with her and have a talk. Not at the time when she is on a time out because at that time you will not be in a good mood abt..what she has done. Wait about an hour and then talk with her. Make sure you tell her that you are not mad but you would like to speak with her Proceed to do so, ask about her time at school as well as at home to find out roughly what it could be. Ask abt. other children in the classroom, perhaps she shouldn't be sitting with this other person. When you feel she is telling the truth thank her for doing so. Explain to her that sticking out your tongue is upsetting you as well as the teacher.Does she have a hearing problem or is she really letting on she cant' hear. When she doesnt' listen again "timeout. Your saying that she is doing this at home to. Has anything changed from her routine, perhaps putting her to bed to early, allowing her to play around when its close to bed? Your child is not going to go to sleep very shortly after playing. Sit down with her and read a book. This is the relaxing she needs prior to bed.. A calming period. You can also ask the teacher if you could possibly come into the classroom during school for abt. an hour. Watch your daughter, but watch the teacher as well. Are you disciplining her at home? "The time out chair" and what is the teacher doing when she does this? Keep in mind that teachers' have their favorites as well. This is why I am saying watch the teacher as well. You had said nothing was said to you the previous year, Was she a teachers' pet? If not why is there so much trouble now? I would also speak with her last yrs. teacher and find out what she was like in her class? Has she hhad such a big change that she is not happy with. Ask her important questions while talking with her. I hope I havent' overwhelmed you and I wish you and your daughter, Good Luck!!

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Report This| Share this:lying, won't listen or sit stillGenerally four year olds learn at this age that they can get away with it. Perhaps someone at school had done it and got away wiith it. At the age of 4 do you honestly believe that they know what lying is abt? Again with sticking out her tongue, this again is something she has picked up from who knows' who. When this started it should have been explained to her that it is wrong for her to do that. Perhaps her last year of school the teacher probably just turned her head and looked the other way because of her age. So now we have a problem that this teacher is obviously not like the last. Where you said the teacher watched to make sure that the other child wasn't doing the same. I'm sorry but there is no way that the teacher starred at them at all times. I am not doubting what she is saying to you is the truth, its' just that some teachers' at times' pick on other children(s). If you find her doing this at home, get a chair and sit it in a corner and let her know that this is for bad behavior. I wouldnt' keep her in the chair any more than 10-15min. Again at her age this is something new, like hey I can stick out my tongue, look at me. It almost sounds as though she is looking for attention but she also has learned something. Some teachers' go by the books', some just turn their heads, which is likely what happened in the last school year. Let her know under no circumstances' you will not tolerate this. Use the chair. Talk with the teacher (keep in touch) again if she has done this again in class, when you are taking her home talk to her, try and find out why she is doing this? Is it for attention, is she seeing favoritism at school as well as home? Is she an only child? There is obviously doing this for a reason. You need to sit down with her and have a talk. Not at the time when she is on a time out because at that time you will not be in a good mood abt..what she has done. Wait about an hour and then talk with her. Make sure you tell her that you are not mad but you would like to speak with her Proceed to do so, ask about her time at school as well as at home to find out roughly what it could be. Ask abt. other children in the classroom, perhaps she shouldn't be sitting with this other person. When you feel she is telling the truth thank her for doing so. Explain to her that sticking out your tongue is upsetting you as well as the teacher.Does she have a hearing problem or is she really letting on she cant' hear. When she doesnt' listen again "timeout. Your saying that she is doing this at home to. Has anything changed from her routine, perhaps putting her to bed to early, allowing her to play around when its close to bed? Your child is not going to go to sleep very shortly after playing. Sit down with her and read a book. This is the relaxing she needs prior to bed.. A calming period. You can also ask the teacher if you could possibly come into the classroom during school for abt. an hour. Watch your daughter, but watch the teacher as well. Are you disciplining her at home? "The time out chair" and what is the teacher doing when she does this? Keep in mind that teachers' have their favorites as well. This is why I am saying watch the teacher as well. You had said nothing was said to you the previous year, Was she a teachers' pet? If not why is there so much trouble now? I would also speak with her last yrs. teacher and find out what she was like in her class? Has she hhad such a big change that she is not happy with. Ask her important questions while talking with her. I hope I havent' overwhelmed you and I wish you and your daughter, Good Luck!!

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