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Housekeeping and Mothering Are Not Mutually Exclusive

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by Word of Mom Blogger on September 30, 2013

Word of Mom Blogger

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Amy is a Coast Guard wife and full-time mother to two enthusiastic and lovely children, Abbey (5) and Joe (2). The Willa family currently lives in Kodiak, Alaska. Amy writes at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work about navigating an authentic parenting, natural living, military family journey with as much grace as she can manage. She is a full-time online student of Public Health, focusing on maternal and child health, and is interested in writing and discussing creativity, compassion, cooperation, and responsibility as they relate to mindful living and parenting. In addition to mothering and blogging, Amy enjoys sewing cloth diapers and other home goods, knitting, and volunteering as a La Leche League Leader. She has been featured on Code Name: Mama, ACU's, Stiletto Shoes, and Pretty Pink Tutus, and Milk Mamas Speak, and is a contributing author for Natural Parents Network.

I see this e-card on Facebook a lot, and I think I've probably "liked" it in the past.

But while it seems like this sentiment is true, it is possible to be the keeper of the home and a nurturing mother to our children at the same time: housekeeping and mothering are not mutually exclusive. What I have learned so far is that kid-friendly clean-up is dependent on a balanced approach, setting priorities, and engaging children in cleaning.

Some moms get overwhelmed and think, "When my house is clean, I am not as good of a mother" and "When I'm a really hands-on mom, my household cleaning suffers..."

Here are a few ideas that helped me build a household that has a strong grasp on kid-friendly clean-up.

1. It's not going to be perfect. Prioritize.

Setting goals is an awesome way to keep a mother moving forward — but we need to make sure our housekeeping expectations are not too high. To have a household that practices kid-friendly clean-up is to have a household engaged in taking care of the home — not a home that is perfect and always clean.

To begin, we can think of our priorities when it comes to both organization and cleanliness. A good balance can be struck when we understand what our priorities are, and which organizational or cleaning tasks that we can manage to do less of.

In our kid-friendly cleaning home, food clean-up, dishes, and mopping are priorities. Everyone's priorities will be different, and, of course, there is other cleaning to engage in as well. But priorities are priorities — they're the things that must get done even if nothing else does — and they depend on the needs of the family. Try talking to your family members about which tasks are most important, and going from there.

2. Establish a rhythm.

In our home, the kids can play with whatever they like in the morning, but only AFTER they finish eating first breakfast (yeah, we have two breakfasts. Don't you?!) and excusing themselves by asking permission and bringing their dishes to the sink. Many families ensure that toys are taken care of by asking their children to put one toy away first before getting out a new one, but in our house, the only toy to which that rule applies is the play dough.

Some families have good results teaching children to choose carefully what they'd like to play with, and return it to its place before beginning a new activity. Some families have good results setting a timer for an hour, and start a clean-up routine when the timer goes off. Some families thrive on a rhythm like ours: Toys can be out, and you can get as creative as you like, but when it's clean-up time, we must pick them up and put them in their homes. Watch your children for signs of what type of clean up rhythm works for them. Try out some ideas and see the response.

It doesn't matter what method you end up using, it's simply important to establish a rhythm, so that everyone knows what to expect and is jiving to the same beat.

3. Engage and Empower Kids to Clean.

I used to struggle to keep up with housekeeping, but now, with my little ones engaged in helping, I don't struggle anymore. It's just a part of our life.

We can start by showing children a positive model when it comes to cleaning. I engage the mantra "make a mess, clean the mess" and try to stick to it as much as possible. "Make a mess, clean the mess" works really well to keep things from getting overwhelming. I load dishes in the dishwasher as soon as possible after dirtying them. The table gets wiped every time we eat or drink, even if it's not a really messy snack. If we do the small clean-ups when they're needed, the household keeps from getting out of hand.

We can continue to empower our children to engage in kid-friendly cleaning by helping them do chores. It's hard not to simply say "Clean-up time!" and walk away, leaving children to fend for themselves. I mean, they made the toy mess, right? But I find that in helping, I'm setting a good model of dutifulness, and also showing them that cleaning up is not a punishment — just something we all have to do. I will not clean up a whole mess by myself, though, and they know that I'll stop if they stop helping. It becomes a part of our rhythm.

We can really engage our children in kid friendly clean up if we enable them to do things. A spray bottle of water and some small rags that little hands can use kept in a space that is easy to access. Give a small child a hand broom and dustpan, and they might think it's the most special thing! Kids really do enjoy being useful. My five-year-old and two-year-old clean their own bathroom (minus the toilet). They both spray a homemade nontoxic spray on the surfaces and wipe them down. They take turns using the spray bottle and the rag. They think it's FUN. They also like to use the small, lightweight vacuum to vacuum up crumbs and little messes. What can you let your kids do that will empower them to clean up all on their own (and leave your hands free to do something else!)?

I hope that these ideas can help inspire a household with a kid-friendly cleaning mentality. Chores don't have to be a bore, and there doesn't have to be stress about mothering and housekeeping — establishing priorities, making a balanced rhythm, and empowering kids to help can bring you from being overwhelmed to being proud that your home is clean and happy!

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