Fear Of Loss: The Haunting Ghost

We know them, we are aware that they are bad, yet most of us seem incapable of shaking them off.

I tell you, in fact, they are more dangerous for you than you can image. They paralyze you, make it impossible for you to stand up and take care of the problem.

It’s important, however, to know them by name, so that you can choke them off early. This article will teach you how.

Napoleon Hill introduced us to the six ghosts of fear: the basic fears of which every human suffers to a certain degree.

They are:

The fear of POVERTY

The fear of CRITICISM

The fear of ILL HEALTH

The fear of LOSS OF LOVE OF SOMEONE

The fear of OLD AGE

The fear of DEATH

Some people tend to suffer only from one specific fear, but most of us are affected by several of them.

It is vitally important that you are absolutely clear that fears are a state of mind.

We consciously or unconsciously create fears to protect ourselves. In fact, they create an opposite effect to protection.

In the stone age, fears had the right to exist. A “good healthy fear” of anything insured the stone age man’s survival.

Yet he knew nothing about fear of criticism, poverty or old age. These are “civilization fears” which we have created artificially.

So, some fears may have been good back then, but nowadays what really protects us, is the absence of fear.

Hill gives us the example of the physicians, who never became infected by contagious diseases because of their immunity, which solely consisted on their absolute lack of fear.

Does this mean that fear is attracting just what we are afraid of? You can bet it does. That’s the law of attraction helping us to get what we desire.

And we do exactly that.

We have it constantly in our mind, connect it with a very powerful emotion, negative, but powerful. That’s all the law of attraction needs to fulfill our thoughts.

Think about that.

The fear of loss is the basic fear of losing a person you love. A person you think you need in your life in order to survive. Would you believe me when I say that I personally experienced my fear of losing literally driving the person I loved away from me?

That is true.

When we fear losing someone, we’d take measures that we think will ensure the person we love stays with us.

What would we do? What measures would we take?

We would do anything to assure that our partner loved us

We would very often tell them that we loved them ourselves

We would very often get very, very jealous

We would accuse, argue, fight

Jealousy is, in fact, the most common symptom for that fear.

And all of this because we are afraid to lose our partner, despite loving them so much.

I will give you an example.

Here’s an email from a reader that demonstrates what I mean:

We have both been hurt in past relationships, her more so than I have. I was cheated on by a girlfriend at 17, and that’s following me to this day. Since we both live so far away, and we won’t get to see each other again since august, past fears have started to resurface in both of us, especially since we have recently learned in more detail our sexual past. For some reason, even though neither of us has even thought of being with someone else physically or otherwise since we’ve met or even become exclusive, this has distraught us to the point of severe anxiety and depression over the last few days. The mere thought of her with another guy drives me insane, and the thought of me with another girl drives her insane. These thoughts have started to plague both of us.

We talk about it incessantly, and it seems like the only way to cope with them is to reassure each other every day. It has gotten to the point, a few days ago, where neither of us could function normally during the day because of the severe anxiety caused by these thoughts. Furthermore, we are so afraid of them that neither of us wants the other to be around persons of the opposite sex for too long, and we are even afraid of the possibility of flirting with other people. I trust her, and I know she won’t do it, but somehow I can’t get these nagging thoughts out of my head.

This distance thing has been the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life, and I have absolutely every intention to marry this girl in the next couple of years, so how do I cope with these thoughts? Neither of us ever spends ANY time with people of the opposite sex, and so it seems unreasonable to even have these thoughts, and yet we get jealous at the POSSIBILITY of unfaithfulness, even though this has never happened and neither of us ever do it. What can we do?

Being in a long distance relationship doesn’t help in this situation, it makes things worse.

I wrote to this young reader that the solution here is to understand and accept that they can not help each other in that matter. They’ve learned already that reassuring faithfulness only lasts about 24 hours, before it haunts them again.

So, it is imperative that both work on their personal problems first. The solution for their relationship problems will follow.

There are multiple reasons for the fear of loss, and it is not always clear where the fear is coming from.

It is my opinion that when fear of loss, and fear of unfaithfulness gets really bad, it is usually a lack of self-confidence – the feeling you do not deserve each other.

Very often you have had some experiences in your life, like being treated as though you are not worthy, or being cheated on, that amplify that belief.

That is why reassuring each other’s faithfulness usually doesn’t work.

You first have to learn that you are a lovable person. You have to love YOURSELF first.

About Eddie Corbano

Eddie is a breakup-coach and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal.

Today I found out that my mom took all the money from our joined bank account… I started to feel fear inside of me I dont know from where it comes from bcoz Im sure that God wont let me down or will let me suffer poverty.. but I always felt that this money is a safe deposit for me… something to rely on in time of need.. now I dont have this wall of security.. maybe that what creates the fear inside of me.. I really dont know..

I have little fear about the future, what will I do.. what if I needed money and didnt have it.. what if what if….etc.. although I have complete trust in God that everything is going to be fine but I have this fear perhaps from the shock.. esp that the shock came from the dearest person in my life.. I havent thought that it might do such thing to me.. yes we had our issues but never thought she will leave me with nothing… I thought of taking transferring the money to my separate account but cancelled the idea.. but she did it..

I wish I'd seen this article sooner. I think the fear of losing my long distance boyfriend made me do a lot of crazy things and changed the way I acted with him. At first it was all normal but then to be honest his actions caused my insecurity, he started being mysterious and I'd find out about lies about where he's been, who he's been with. It drove me mad. This continued for almost a year, and I knew I had to leave him since even when I confronted him with his lies he simply denied them and attacked me instead. I did leave him 2 times, but it never lasted, I could never go through with it, although to my surprise he had no problem cutting me out of his life both times. It was me who initiated getting back together.Now, we're broken up for good, I couldn't take it anymore and I decided that I needed a break, that maybe if I broke up with him it would make him pull his act together. Boy was I wrong or what! Right after the break up he erased me from his life, blocked my calls, changed his facebook account, his email account.

Thank you for the article, Eddie! It’s helped me pin point a low of my character flaws…but you are right. It all stems from needing to love yourself first because you’re a stable enough personality to be in a relationship with someone else.

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About Eddie Corbano

My name is Eddie Corbano and I help people to break their addiction to their Ex after a break-up: I Ex-Detox them. After a devastating break-up I had years ago I'm devoting my life to... Continue reading