5 Reasons Why Maternity Clothes Shopping Sucks

Going shopping for a whole wardrobe of brand new clothes is most people’s dream.

It’s the kind of thing movie montages are made of.

Look at you, smiling and laughing with your best friend as you try on hilarious outfits in the changing rooms.

And there you are picking out a beautiful pair of designer shoes. And look, now you’re enjoying a glass of prosecco with lunch, shopping bags scattered around your feet. It looks like the perfect day.

It’s also about as far from your current reality as possible. Switch the designer shoes for swollen ankles, the prosecco for tepid tap water, and your big smile for huge pregnant tears, and you have got yourself a maternity clothes shopping trip.

Why Maternity Clothes Shopping Can Suck

Here are five reasons why maternity clothes shopping can suck:

#1: The Lack Of Choice

Good luck finding something you love on the high-street because most shops will only stock a single pair of jeggings in their maternity section. A lot of shops won’t even have a maternity section, so you’ll be trapped among rows and rows of beautiful clothes for non-pregnant people. On the off chance you manage to find a shop with a decent sized maternity section, all of the clothes will be grey, navy and black. Apparently, this is the pregnancy uniform. Well, either that, or … stripes!

If you’re looking for a nice outfit for a special occasion, you’re unlikely to find something you love – even after a full day of trudging round the shops. Most maternity clothes are only available online, robbing you of that shopping trip montage you’ve been dreaming of.

#2: All The Walking

Guess what you don’t need when you’re heavily pregnant, suffering from backache, and desperate for another pee. A marathon! And yet, if you’re attempting to buy maternity clothes, that’s exactly what you’ll have to do. You’ll be forced to cover miles of ground in your search for the perfect maternity outfit. You’ll walk from shop to shop to shop, and in each one there’ll be yet more disappointment and rejection.

Between shops you will need to stop for bathroom breaks. And drinks, because pregnancy is thirsty work. And sometimes you’ll just need a sit down to rest those swollen ankles.

#3: You Have To Keep Seeing Yourself Bend Over Under Unflattering Lighting

Changing rooms can be cruel on the best of days, but on a normal shopping trip, at least you’re looking back at the body you’ve had for years. Now that you’re pregnant, and the bodysnatchers have well and truly distorted your figure beyond recognition, the full sized mirrors are just that little bit harder to bear.

Now there’s a massive bump in the way, you probably don’t spend much time looking at the lower half of your body. Well, get ready to enjoy a close up of those hairy knees, swollen legs and, umm… overgrown nether region. During your first outfit change, you can be forgiven for thinking an overweight pervert has followed you into the changing room, but you’ll soon get used to seeing your own reflection. Now, get ready to keep watching yourself bend over, but brace yourself, it won’t be graceful.

#4: Nothing Looks Good

You would think that after the horror of seeing yourself straining to get into trousers, any item of clothing would be an improvement. Sadly not. Maternity clothes, it turns out, are designed for non-pregnant women who happen to have a teeny tiny food baby growing in their abdomen. The maternity clothes that looked stunning on the models look nothing short of ridiculous when stretched over your huge bump. The buttons gape over your constantly growing boobs, the dress distorts into a tent when forced to span the breadth of your bump and none of the clothes seem to match your newly acquired pregnancy beard.

#5: It All Feels Like A Waste Of Money

The worst thing about maternity shopping is the cost. Maternity clothes aren’t cheap, and they have a pretty short life span. When you’re on a budget and worrying about how you’ll afford to buy all the new bits and pieces for the baby, you probably won’t want to part with your hard-earned cash for clothes that will only fit you for a few months – especially when they make you look worse than you do bent over in your maternity underwear.

To be honest, you’re probably thinking that most of the clothes make you look so terrible, someone should be paying you for having to wear them, not the other way around.

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Fiona Peacock is a writer, researcher and lover of all things to do with pregnancy, birth and motherhood (apart from the lack of sleep). She is a home birth advocate, passionate about gentle parenting and is also really tired.

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