Work Friends ? Guide to Relating to Others in the Workplace

By Aimee Whitenack

Different corporate cultures offer varied opportunities to form
friendships at work. So to ease the transition, we've created a
guide to the new, "not-lowered-just-different" expectations of
friendship in the post-college workplace.

You don't have to go bar-hopping on the weekends with your
coworkers; in other words, work friends don't have to be
outside-of-work friends.

"I don't think I'm going to have work friends," a friend of
mine once sighed after completing the first week of her first
post-college job. She's a social worker in an eating disorder
clinic at a local hospital and describes her coworkers, though
only a few years older than herself, as real adults. They're
married, a few have kids, and she simply can't relate to them.

My first instinct was to counsel patience, because, of
course, building friendships simply takes time. But more than
that, transitioning from the culture of college to the
culture of work takes time. You need to reorient yourself,
and you need to formulate a new set of expectations. Another
sigh--my defeated friend immediately took "new expectations"
to mean lowered expectations. But it doesn't.

So to ease the transition, we've created a guide (for you and
her) to the new, "not-lowered-just-different" expectations of
friendship in the post-college workplace.

Work Hard, Play Hard
In certain industries, and often in the bigger companies,
there are large populations of recent college grads. In many
consulting and investment banking firms, for example, entire
recruitment classes are filled by people from top-tier
schools. If you're starting out in these industries
(particularly if you're working 80-plus hour weeks),
companies are likely to encourage social interaction in the
workplace. Training programs and company outings facilitate
coworker bonding.

The real transition you need to make in such a scenario is to
remember that just because your company culture is collegial
doesn't mean that you can act the same way you did back in
your fraternity basement. Have fun, but remember your
professional etiquette. Warns one 25-year-old editor, "I once
told a questionable story to a coworker in the office
cafeteria. Just as the story reached its climax, a female
coworker walked in and showed her displeasure that we were
having such a conversation. I realized that I was with
coworkers now, not friends."

I'm Not in Kansas Anymore
Okay, so your new company culture sounds more like the one
my social worker friend encountered than any sort of young,
hip place--you just don't foresee being friends with these
people. A few pointers:

One of the foundations of friendship is shared interest.
Simply by virtue of you and your coworkers' decision to
enter the same industry, it's probable that you have a
mutual interest. Once you get used to the idea of
befriending someone outside your traditional peer group,
you'll likely find it refreshing.

You don't have to go bar-hopping on the weekends with your
coworkers; in other words, work friends don't have to be
outside-of-work friends. If there are people-whether
they're 40 or 15-who make your workday enjoyable, who offer
humor, guidance, and interesting conversation, then you
already have work friends-people whom you enjoy interacting
with at work.

Boundaries can be a good thing. While we're not suggesting
you fend off traditional friendships in the workplace, it
may be easier to have some borders between your work and
non-work lives. That way, outside tensions won't creep into
your work, and you'll truly be able to leave work behind at
the end of each day. Warns one experienced twentysomething,
"I lived with a coworker and best friend. 24-7 was just too
much. We ended up not being able to stand each other."

Lastly, if you're in the market for a new social scene and
are disappointed by the lack of potential at work, there
are other places to meet new people after college besides
the workplace. Look into local sports clubs, volunteering,
or outside classes (flamenco dancing? cooking?
wind-surfing?). Your friends' new work friends can be great
new contacts as well-and you won't be the one worrying
about mixing business with pleasure.

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