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Friday, December 7, 2012

DISCLAIMER: It's a little longer than I usually care to post but bear with me... there was a lot to say!

Ever since I was fourteen I have had a dream- a dream to see
the world.

Nothing fancy (no 5 stars- no business class travel- no plastic
smiles). Just a dream to experience the world in it all its rawness. You know, travelling
in public transport (or, may be in a hundred years old truck from world war 1)-
Cracking up about something with a fellow passenger- Forming friendships with the
natives- Being that mysterious traveller from a far off land etc etc...

You know I sometimes imagine myself with a backpack –
strutting down the streets of Istanbul in the warm winter sun- I am in a white
top and a snug pair of blue jeans that fit like a dream - I am wearing dark brown sunglasses with big
frame.. My boots are rugged-I have a jacket wrapped around my waist- My hair is
loose- I have a scarf around my neck- I am holding a camera (SLR’s, they are
called right ?)- Local kids are waving at me and giving me toothless grins- women
are shy but hospitable- the wise old man of the clan invites me for an early
supper with them, which I happily accept- I drink tea with them and I have a
notepad where I take down every little detail that I think is worth
savouring... and as I sit there learning their folklore.. Suddenly I hear
someone call me from my name.... “Tanu”

Surprised, as to how on earth someone in Istanbul knows my
nick name (let alone my name), I turn to locate the owner of the voice.

It’s my mum.

“Get up beta, it’s
ten in the morning. What do you keep doing on your laptop all night? And look
at your room-so messy.”

Suddenly I realise the grand old man has vanished- toothless
kids are nowhere to be seen - there are no shy women serving me food- Just our
ever smiling domestic help kunti scurrying
through my room with her prized broom- and it takes me about five more seconds
to realise that I am 24 yrs old - ten years have passed since I had first had
this dream and I have done nothing about it.

Accomplished nothing- gotten
nowhere.

‘Oho mumma, shut the drapes,’ I reply, grumpily, on being
dragged out of Istanbul so ruthlessly.

‘Remember, huh? I roll my eyes. Of course I remember. That
is all you have been talking about for the past 6 months,’ I want to say but
keep shut instead. So that I am saved the what-are-you-doing-with-your-life
sermon. Of late everything has been about marriage in the Nag household Marriage
is all mom talks about and marriage is all she thinks about.

Until recently I was more than sure that my life was headed
in the right direction. I had it all mapped out and slowly but steadily I was
getting there. But now suddenly everyone I know (be it from school or from
college) is either getting married or having babies and everything is changing.

And even though I couldn’t be any less happy for them I can’t
help but ask – Is having a different kind of dream (a.k.a to backpack across Europe
on your own) not okay? Does marriage mean everything? Apparently it does. At
least that is what the society (and by society I mean my mum) will have me
believe. Good lord I don’t want to get married as yet- am not saying never- but
not yet and while we are at it- let me say this also- I don’t want to have a big fat Indian wedding either. I think it’s a waste and that money can be put to a much better use.
Is that so bad?

I have awesome friends- I love my job and I couldn’t be in a
more secure place in my life- I think for now I am content celebrating just
that. But every time I sign in on facebook and see three hundred and fifty
likes on a friend’s wedding album – i feel a knot building in my stomach. Not
because I am not happy for her but just because she has finally realised her
dream (a dream of being a lovely bride) but I AM NOT EVEN KINDA CLOSE to my
toothless kids in Istanbul and that makes me sad.

Then I call up my still single friends and burden them with
all this nonsense and luckily for me they steer me out of my depression. After
a long discussion - I get back on track- and start working on my dream to
travel- to learn- to write and to live. And someday I am sure –just like my
friend- I will realise my dream too but till then I just have one request to
make:

Dear God, my friends tell me that you have something amazing
in store for me and I couldn’t be any less thankful for that but KINDLY OPEN
THE STORE SOON.