City Slang

Who likes the Dave Matthews Band?

Word came through today that the Dave Matthews Band is going to be embarking on a summer tour, reaching the DTE Energy Music Theatre on June 25. Only last year, Rolling Stone put the band on it’s list of the “50 Greatest Live Acts Right Now.” Presale for all shows begins on Thursday, January 16 at 10 a.m. Blah Blah Blah.

The press release glows. “A Very Special Evening with Dave Matthews Band will feature the group delivering two sets per evening, performing songs from throughout its career. Dave Matthews Band will wind through numerous configurations – from electric to acoustic, from full-throttle numbers featuring the entire band to more intimate moments featuring small groups of band members – including a stripped-down pairing of Matthews with guitarist Tim Reynolds, performing as an acoustic duo, as they occasionally do when the band is off the road. A variety of guests will join the band throughout the summer.”

"I was talking to Carter about how much I still like just sitting around playing music together. It's how we started – in the basements of Carter's and my mom's houses,” says vocalist/guitarist Dave Matthews. “Our shows are loose, but we started thinking that maybe this summer we should make them looser and bring some of that feeling to the stage. It seems like the opposite of a safe plan, so why not?"

To which we say, “Whoopie-shit.”

The Dave Matthews Band is, it seems to us, the sort of band that people who don’t really like music veer towards, because it’s easy but it allows the fans to pretend that they’re into jazz rock fusion and are therefore quite clever. If you meet a girl at a bar and ask her what kind of music she likes, and she replies, “Oh, I like everything,” the chances are she likes the Dave Matthews Band, radio rock, and nothing challenging.

Am I missing something? What is it about this intolerable dullard that drives so many people to part with so much money? Please, seriously, tell me.

I ask again, who likes the Dave Matthews Band? Because, from here, it appears to be highly paid business types who want to be cool for an evening, before returning to their real life. Matthews is the musical equivalent of beige, or boiled broccoli with no gravy. He’s just there. He doesn’t disgust, but he’s not worth raising your head for.

The only Dave Matthews fan I ever met (who admitted it) worked at an ad agency, and she was only into radio music. Maybe that colored my opinion a little so I’m willing to be convinced otherwise. Where are you, Dave Matthews fans? Speak up. Because you can be damned sure Pink Knob is gonna be packed.