Re: the Church Wedding Fantasy Hoopla in modern America, even among Catholics

About 15 years ago I read something in our parish bulletin along the line of a "warning" that in the not-so-distant future the Church would end the big Church wedding fiascoes by making bride and groom marry at a Sunday mass in front of the congregation. I agree with the Church about the wedding fiasco, but in my customarily curmudgeonly POV, the congregation is not my family, friends, etc., despite such inane expressions as the "parish family," etc. Thus far, Holy Mother the Church has not yet instituted this threat, principally I perceive because She wants in on the big bucks too. [Whatsamatter folks? Am I being too cynical? ] Acquaintances have informed me over the years about how much "rent" they had to pay to use the Church for even a non-nuptial mass wedding, not to mention the parish hall, etc. And in the Archdiocese of Santa Fe, the published, archbishop-approved, clerical stipend for a wedding is $100 not to exceed $200. Who decides the "not to exceed bit?" I have seen weddings with a priest and deacon "officiating." That's up to $400! This doesn't even count paying off the altar boys/girls, the organist/choir, and the lectors. I wonder if the EMoHC get paid too? Who says the sacraments are no longer for sale???

BTW, when I got married we didn't have to rent the Church, had the wedding reception elsewhere, and I think the best man slipped Fr. Baca about $50 (no troublesome "glorified layman" deacon). Ah, so much for the old days!

There needs to be a Catholic version of eloping to save money and hoopla.

Torqy. . . the curmudgeon and self-convicted cynic

"non omnis moriar" . . . Horace, Odes

"Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati" . . . Red Green Show

"They see well that all who speak are nothing, for they shall fadeaway with the sound of their words, but the Lord endures forever.". . . Thomas a Kempis, THE IMITATION OF CHRIST, Book 4, Chapter 14, No. 4

The main problem I would have with holding weddings during the regularly scheduled Sunday Masses is that it imposes on the congregation. Some of the people might not want to attend a Sunday Mass extended with the Marriage Rites and Nuptial blessing. (Consider also that the wedding will also effect seating arrangements as well. A large wedding in a small church might cause some issues. And let's not forget the presence of photographers and videographers, and requests for special music.)

I think there are circumstances where a Nuptial Mass ought to be discouraged. (E.g.: religiously mixed marriages, marriages where the happy couple are basically nominal Catholics, or where the couple has been cohabiting before the wedding.)

I really can't blame parishes that charge for church usage, provided they are flexible enough to waive or mitigate the fees for the truly needy. I really can't fault a parish for demanding a few hundred dollars from a couple that's spending $20,000+ on the reception, or where the bride's dress costs more than a mid-level car.

OTOH, there are some people out there who believe that if they have a church wedding, they have to have big reception.

The point that the parish was making was that all the hoopla of "bells and whistles" would not take place.

A parish charging a few hundred dollars for "rent" is just another way to make money since they are being involved with a lavish wedding celebration on the order of $20,000 plus. You can bet they charge the same amount to an ordinary wedding celebration which nevertheless costs significant bucks even if not in the lavish amount of $20,000 or more. E.g., my niece's wedding cost about $350 in Church rental for maybe a 15 minute ceremony. She and her husband previously eloped, then subsequently (fortunately) decided to have their marriage blessed in the Church. They went through a six months marriage preparation process followed by a deacon witnessing the marriage. BTW, ever the curmudgeon that I am, I prefer that a priest do the "witnessing." Even though the Roman Rite's sacrament has the man and women conferring the sacrament, I note that in the East only a priest celebrates the Mystery of Crowning because only a priest can give the nuptial blessing. Deacons in the Byzantine Rite do not give blessings, unlike the Roman Rite. I prefer the Byzantine Rite's way. Good thing I am not in charge, right?

I dislike anything that smacks of the sacraments being for sale even if not so directly intended.

"non omnis moriar" . . . Horace, Odes

"Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati" . . . Red Green Show

"They see well that all who speak are nothing, for they shall fadeaway with the sound of their words, but the Lord endures forever.". . . Thomas a Kempis, THE IMITATION OF CHRIST, Book 4, Chapter 14, No. 4