The Wildlife Crime Control Bureau of India has launched a crackdown on traders selling dried penises of Indian monitor lizard online and passing them off as the rare hatha jodi plant.

Hatha jodi is a root that is found in some remote regions of Nepal and India. The name comes from its shape, which can be imagined as a pair of hands held in supplication. Many believe hatha jodi to be a good luck charm and it is also used in occult practices.

The fraud was exposed by a group of Indian and British researchers associated with the London-based non-profit World Animal Protection. They tipped off the Wildlife Crime Control Bureau, which launched a crack down in early May.

So far, the bureau’s sleuths, along with state police and forest officials, have raided traders in Telangana, Odisha, Gujarat and Madhya Pradesh, said a senior official in the bureau who asked not be identified because he was involved in the ongoing operation.India is home to four species of monitor lizard – Bengal monitor, water monitor, yellow monitor and desert monitor. Their possession and trade is prohibited under the Wildlife Protection Act, 1972. The Bengal and yellow monitor lizards are also protected by the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Flora and Fauna.In a statement issued on June 20, World Animal Protection mentioned several online retailers through which lizard penises were being sold as hatha jodi. “Monitor Lizard Hemipenis is being passed off as tantric plant roots also known as Hatha Jodi to unwitting customers via major online retailers including Amazon, eBay, Alibaba, Snapdeal and Etsy, among others,” the statement said.The Hatha Jodi is a Bone. It is the penis of the Giant Monitor Lizard, which is a severely endangered, protected species, and each site selling it knows that so, after talking all this nonsense about it, they will write at the end of the site that it is not for sale. Then they give their phone numbers and obviously the transactions are taking place off the Net.

The dried penis looks like two long serrated arms ending in clawed hands which is why it is called Hatha Jodi.

What does the penis supposedly do? If you scrape a little bit of the penis and eat it everyday, or put it in your safe, you will win all your cases, defeat your enemies, become very rich, get rid of ghosts, overcome all obstacles, gain the ability to hypnotize, journey safely, triumph in discussions, interviews, and battles, become very attractive, win all your bets and gain status, find favour with officials.

Needless to say, the frauds selling it also say that it will only work if you spend an even larger sum on doing a tantric puja and the pujari will be nominated by them and you need to buy all sorts of other nonsense from them to “increase” its power. If it doesn’t work it is because you have done something wrong.

Some sites say you have to keep it oiled (obviously since the bone will dry up and disintegrate), wrapped in a red cloth, dipped in sindoor. Others say that you have to wrap it in elaichi or tulsi leaves, others that you have to put it in a silver box.The monitor lizard is being hunted to extinction in the forests of Madhya Pradesh because of its penis. There is no mention of hathajodi in tantras, shastras or puranas. No penis can make you rich or problem-free. Don’t kill a useful animal species because you are too lazy to work. If you know of any sites that are selling this, let me know and I will have them arrested.