when chronic isn't enough

Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

Visitors to Wallace Wade stadium this weekend expecting a hard-fought, physical contest were disappointed by the unusually civilized sporting event on display.

“I came here hoping to see huge, angry men tackling each other,” said Rusty McFearson, a longtime football fan. “But instead, there were all these skinny people competing alongside each other with no intent to harm or maim. Frankly, it was disappointing.”

Sports fans were met with a bewildering array of events, but none had any apparent relationship to America’s favorite hard-hitting game. “There were people jumping into sand, running around in circles, throwing metal balls. Girls even. What is America coming to?” Rusty asked. (more…)

The Weedicle would like to congratulate Duke Swimming and Diving’s Nick McCrory on his national championship in platform diving! In addition to dominating the field in that event, McCrory was also runner-up in the three meter dive and fourth in the one meter. Nice work.

Dukies may feel stabbed in the back, but it’s hard to blame Cut for moving back to his roots. We had trouble shaking the feeeling that Cutcliffe wished Duke was more like Tennessee in stadium capacity and student/fan/administration support anyway. Regardless, if he thinks he’ll be happier and more comfortable at Tennessee, we can but wish him good luck and move on, hard as that is after two short years of enthusiasm and optimism.

But will this mean the end of a brief era for Duke football? Not likely. The current athletic administration is committed to building a popular, successful football program, and we can expect them to look for a coach who is at least as high-profile (and expensive). How might this change the culture and attitude toward football at Duke? (What is the culture and attitude toward football at Duke?) It’s hard to say.

Durham–Commenting on the Blue Devils’ recent victory over the Connecticut Huskies, Dan Shulman and Mike Patrick assembled the definitive list of athletic and unathletic Duke athletes. “Take a guy like Ryan Kelly. He can really get up in the paint and alter shots with his size and speed. The one knock on him is that he’s just not very athletic.” Without much evidentiary support, the commentary team summarily ordered the team during a TV timeout in the second half.

I can’t help but feel left out of this basketball season. Last Friday was Greek Night, but I’m not greek, so I didn’t go. Tomorrow’s game is Freshman Night, but I’m not a freshman, so I’m not going. Tuesday is Club Sports Night, but I’m not in a club sport, so I’m not going to that either. In fact, I will probably never go to a basketball game this year. And that’s not just because I could care less about who puts the ball into the hoop first. I refuse to go because I feel left out and unappreciated.

Where’s the theme night for the anti-social loner who prefers the solace of Bostock to the hustle and bustle of the Plaza? Where’s the theme night for people of color who don’t care about sports? Where’s the theme night for the tools who are too busy trying to get ahead of their peers to come to games? (more…)

Blue Zone—At their final Tailgate of the season, the Duke Blue Devils claimed victory today with a stunning save by Sigma Alpha Epsilon President John Landrew, whose intense shotgunning turned the game around. The first quarter of the Tailgate looked grim; the depressingly low turnout of costumed females startled observers, who blamed the early timing of the game. But by the end of the second quarter, the Devils rallied: fraternity leaders, including Landrew, took the helm and pounded beers harder than they ever had before. The Devils credited the victory to the fair weather, described by some as “perfect partying conditions,” as well as Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the U.S.A.” Following the Tailgate, the Devils took an extended victory nap on the grass outside of section.