Smithing words, creating mess, & making this world odd one blink at a time.

Ghost of… me

Well… it has certainly been longer than I would like to admit… but I am here.

It’s hard to put how I am feeling into words, but the closest I can come to explaining is using a quote from Bilbo:

“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

I don’t know why that pasted so large, but I am going to roll with it. It can stay.

Lately – for no real reason – I’ve felt minuscule, useless, and just overall not good enough. The weird part is that I know it’s all in my head; there are two parts of me that are fighting to control how I am feeling. I think that is a good thing – that I can recognize that there is something wrong and I am nuts.

Overall and all things considered, I am quite good at what I set out to do… and I know this… but it still doesn’t feel good enough. Is that weird?

In any case, I did what I normally do when I want to regain control and I dyed my hair… well tried. I went for a purple underneath and then went and grabbed more and dyed it all purple… but the bottom just looked like a dark brown and the rest just stayed the same. So needless to say that only added to my negativity, so I went back to the store and purchased semi-permanent dark blue hair dye and that is what I have now. It’s a little spotty in some places but I am convincing myself that it looks like low/high lights.

Oddly enough I don’t feel stressed or overworked, in fact I keep taking on more tasks so that I can focus on something else. I’m not entirely sure why I am writing this all out – I guess to tell others that they aren’t alone.

I’ve just stared at this screen with this post for ten minutes while lying on the floor… yup…

On a side note – slightly more upbeat – my roommate and I are going to start a channel on Youtube called “The AAAmigos.” There are three of us and all of our names start with A so it was punny.

Mr. A doesn’t really want to be on camera, but his cup version will definitely make an appearance! If you are interested in checking that out and seeing how unfunny we are you can check out our links:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theaaamigos

Twitter: @theaaamigos

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/uci4xjqjbn8qh7-hxicv_uuq

Like I said… adding more project gives me something to focus on and build energy for, so why not give Youtube another go. This time it will be for us 🙂