Colby had thoughts swirling around his head. The other day he spent time deep in thought about Mavis, and those thoughts led to more thoughts. He wasn’t prepared to share with Mavis all he’d been thinking, but he had to get the thoughts organized, so he decided to write her a letter.

Mavis,

Every song…thought…scent…reminds me of you, and I’m too scared to tell you. Yet, I’m more scared of another man telling you what I need to express, and sweeping your heart away.

So what can I do, but tell you exactly how I feel?

We’re two different people now. Older and wiser, at varying stages of our lives. But here I am, acknowledging that wisdom has allowed me to come to grips with you. And not just you, but you in my life. Nothing and nobody has captivated me for as long, or as deeply, as you. Like Donny Hathaway sang, “I love you in a place there’s no space or time”, and if I’m being honest, I always have. The feelings were just tucked away, pushed down, and locked in a box that I wasn’t supposed to open again. But, I did open the box, and now I realize everything I once thought and felt about you has come flooding back. It’s got me right back at being 20 years old.

I’ve asked myself, “why, back then could we not get it right?” I’ve asked myself “why I haven’t been able to let go of the thoughts of ‘happily ever after’ with you?”. And…I’ve also asked “why’d she wait until I was ready to be about her, and only her, to get fed up and not want ‘us’ anymore?”. I couldn’t blame you for being tired of my mess at the time though. I’d done alot of dumbass stuff in my younger years, feeling like no matter what, you’d be there in the end? Well, guess what? I was the one that wasn’t there. I had stepped away, trying to prove to myself that you were just another woman, when in reality, you were then, and now, the only woman for me.

We’re doing this song and dance right now, because I think we’re trying to feel each other out. Spending time together, but not too much that we have to acknowledge that the more time we’re with one another, the more time we want to be around each other. It’s funny that we have to take each other in small doses so we don’t OD.

You told me you feel like CJ and his sister should be ours. I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything, but if they were ours, where would we be? I’d like to think you’d be, no, I know you’d be my misses. The hits and misses in our respective love lives wouldn’t have happened, at least I think. There wouldn’t have been places for others to creep in. But alas, the hits and misses have also gotten us to where we are. I can’t say for you, but for me, I have looked back over our times together, and apart, and realized that I didn’t cherish you enough. I should’ve had you on a pedestal, as the embodiment of love. Not to worship you, but because you should’ve been set apart from all others.

I gotta tell you, even my mother thought and still thinks that you’re the one. She’s liked the women she’s met since you, but nobody has ever gotten the “mom seal of approval”, but you. That was probably something I should’ve paid attention to, huh?

With all I’ve written in this letter, you’d have a hard time believing that I am at a loss for words, right? Well, I sorta am. What else can I say to you about how much I think of you, everyday, or even when I’ve been out with a friend? Hell, I even admitted to loving you above. When have I ever said that?

I could sit here and tell you how my job will keep me from doing right by you, and by right I mean adequately supporting you. You’d probably tell me you ” not stressing it, as long as I’m looking to see improve”. You don’t have to stress it, because I am. How could I not wanna be a strong foundation? You’d say it’s a cop out, and by any measure, you’d be right, but it still doesn’t change how I feel.

CJ asked me one day, “Daddy, you gonna finish this”? I asked him what he meant and he couldn’t, or wouldn’t articulate it. I really didn’t need him to though. God used him to ask me one question that’s never been answered by my actions…”are you gonna finish this”? I’ve thought about that for a few months now. It was a gut punch, but one I needed. I’ve got to start finishing things. This goes for school, a business plan I’ve been working on, and whatever is going to happen with you.

This isn’t to pressure you into figuring things out with me. It’s to let you know where I am, and where I think I’m being directed to go. However, I’m not sure when, or if you’re ever going to get to read this. The manly thing to do would be to tell you all this face to face. Doing so would mean I have to be ready for whatever you’re reply will be, and I’m not ready for that, yet.

I’m rambling now, so I’m going to stop here, but do know this. You will always, and forever be my heart.

XOXOXOXOXO,

Colby

C folded the letter, placed it in an envelope, and placed it in his Bible to mark Jeremiah 29.

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Colby thought about calling his younger sister Samyra after his brunch with Mavis a few days ago, but decided against it. Samyra was his “wise sage” when it came to women, well, woman; this one. Rye, as her loved ones affectionately called her, had met Mavis only a couple of times, but instantly knew she was what Colby needed in his life. She didn’t hesitate to tell him that whenever she asked about Mavis, which was often. Over the years, Samyra would matter-of-factly ask how “her girl” was doing. C would feign not knowing who she meant, but Rye would quickly let it be known. Because of that, Colby figured it best not to tell her about the brunch and day together right now. Instead, he did what he always did; rewind the whole day in his mind.

C called Bean when he was about 15 minutes away from her place. She was already dressed and ready to go, which was out of the ordinary. Even more unusual was that Colby was on time. The day was starting off as an anomaly, and they’d been nowhere yet. Brunch was relaxed, filled with laughs and the staple of all professional black folk brunches, endless mimosas. After they ate, Colby mentioned taking a stroll around the Tidal Basin, which Mavis acquiesced too. It was shaping up like Mrs. Wilson wouldn’t see her daughter til later, much later, in the evening, if at all.

From the Tidal Basin, they went to East Potomac Park to watch the planes at nearby National Airport, then to Hovermale’s for ice cream. By the time Bean made it back home, it was almost midnight. Because it was late, Colby walked her to her door, embraced her in such a way that spoke more than mere words ever could, brushed her face softly, and walked off. Mavis sighed that sigh women do…yeah…*that* one, and prepared for bed.

On his way home, C stopped for a pack of wine-flavored Black ‘N’ Milds and a six pack of Modelo. He made it home just in time to catch the Lakers’ highlights on Sportscenter. He lit the Black, popped the top on a bottle of Modelo, and chilled out the rest of the night, until he finally dragged himself to bed about 330am.

As Colby thought, he became more introspective, something he found himself being more and more lately. Thinking about anything to do with Mavis would spark it. Nonetheless, he took inventory of his life, and the multitude of decisions he’d made, and why he made them, and this included the women he’d dated since he and Mavis went to dinner all those years ago. None of them could ever hold a flame to Mavis, and Colby knew it.

He knew the questions, especially since he had asked them repeatedly lately. What Colby didn’t have was the answers, well not all of them. The easiest answer he’d come up with to all the questions he’d posed to himself was “it was all Bean’s fault”. But Colby knew that way of thinking was bullshit, and not true at all, well, 98 percent not true. Yes, if they’d have dated after “the dinner” when they were younger, there’s a chance Colby might’ve not matured as he had. He was honest enough with himself to admit that. Then too, his kids could’ve been their kids, and Colby might’ve had what he swears he’s been looking for since they first dated; a true soulmate.

Until roughly the last year, Colby never believed in soulmates, but damn if his soul didn’t tell him that thinking was foolish. From the day last fall when Mavis had called him and invited him to dinner until now, she’d been speaking to not just his soul, but his spirit as well. He took note of that very interestingly because the only other being who could reach his spirit was Jesus. If she could talk to his spirit, then for sure himself, God had to have his hand in the mix. Colby for sure wondered what God was doing in his life, but he wasn’t going to question too much. He’d done enough of that in the past, and still never got an answer. Nope, this time he was gonna go with the flow, albeit, with a slowly forming definitive purpose.

As the day continued on, Colby went on thinking about what Mavis meant to him. She was seemingly the antithesis of what he *thought* he wanted in a woman. Immediately, a voice spoke to him so softly he almost missed what was said. “Exactly” is what he thought he heard. Colby shook it off as him just trippin’, and got his mind back on Mavis. “She really is different from CJ’s mom and Collette’s mom, hell, from all my exes”. “Exactly”, he heard ever so softly again.

The second time he heard it, Colby knew he wasn’t tripping. He was sure God was speaking to him. Why now, C wasn’t sure, but he was glad to finally be hearing something, anything, from The Father. C was doubly glad because he figured if God was speaking to him about this woman, then hopefully other parts of his life couldn’t be too far behind. That brought something else back to his remembrance; he’d been meaning to become more prayerful. With this, whatever it was, that was going on between he and Mavis, Colby knew he’d have to do just that.

What he couldn’t bring himself to do was tell Mavis any of all this. The last time Colby told her how he was feeling, his true feelings, she basically told him ‘thanks, but no thanks.”. He was apprehensive about sharing with her these new/old feelings that crept up. If he told her and she wasn’t receptive, despite what she’d told him at their first reconnecting dinner last year, he feared he’d have to cut himself off from her. If she felt anything like he did, he didn’t know what he would do. Despite his apprehension, something would have to be said soon, and the chips would fall where they may.

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Neither Colby nor Mavis would’ve thought it was going to be three months before they got together again. Mavis’ job had her working ungodly hours, and when she wasn’t at work she was resting, or doing things for her parents. She called Colby a few times a week, but he’d almost always have to call her back. He wasn’t brushing her off, but he didn’t have the time to give her the attention he felt she deserved, and he told her as much. Colby knew his position had become precarious at work. The longer he was at his current job, the more he hated it. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be around Mavis, but thinking about her sure did set his mind at ease.

He finally called her on a Thursday and asked could they meet for brunch on Saturday, to which she eagerly accepted. Now she just had to figure out how to tell her mother their plans were changing.

Mavis called her mother to rearrange the plans; instead of their usual brunch, they’d go to a late lunch and go shopping later. But as with most mothers, Mrs. Wilson knew something was up, and it wasn’t just Mavis’ job.

“Girl, the third Saturday of the month has been our day for years. Now you want to cut it off?”, Ms. Wilson asked.

“No Mama. Something just came up, so I need to push our time back just a couple of hours. You and Daddy can go to breakfast and do something fun until I get free. Y’all need some quality time together anyway.”

“Mavis, tell that BS to somebody who’s not your mother. Besides, you know your father will want to invite you; you’re his princess now and forever.” This made Mavis smile, and her mother chuckle. Ms. Wilson continued, “but anyhoo, you still haven’t told me why our plans have changed. Something changed and don’t give me that nonsense about “something came up”. What came up?”

Mavis began, “Colby asked me to go to brunch this Saturday, and I told him yes. We haven’t seen each other for a while, and I think it’d be good for us to see each other. In some ways, I kinda miss him”. Mrs Wilson let a sly, knowing, smile creep across her face.

” What?”, Mavis asked.

“Chile, that man got youuu” Mrs. Wilson laughed.

“No he don’t Mama. I will admit that I enjoy his company, but Colby doesn’t ‘have me’ as you said. As a matter of fact, I don’t even think Colby really views me like that, at least not anymore”, though she didn’t believe what she was saying. “More to the point, I don’t even think I am the kind of woman he is interested in anymore. We had our time, but that was then Mama.”

“Mavis, that’s bullshit and you, I, Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller can see it. In his own way, that man has let it be known he sees you, if not exactly like that, then something close to it. Whether he tells you now or later is up to him. I’m going to ask you one question, and answer honestly. I’m pretty sure I know what you’re going to say though.”

“Ok Mama”, Mavis answered, resigned to the inquisition that was coming.

“The only question I have for you is ‘how do you feel about that boy?”

“Hmmmm…he’s a good friend, even when we were kinda distant. He always tells me, even now, that if I ever need anything, to let him know. He’s matured, which I thinks stems from him having kids, and the drama that came with their mothe…”

“You do know all that drama wasn’t just his choice of women, right? He had a hand in whatever drama went on…don’t lose sight of that.”

“Yes Mama, I know, but like I said. He’s matured more than even I thought he would. It’s like, he’s the same Colby as 11 years ago, but more determined about taking charge of his life. He at least seems more of man now than past years. I guess life will do that to someone; make them more decisive about their life I mean.”

“Girl, I know what you meant. Okay, I have one more question then. Is there more to y’all going to brunch than just ‘catching up’?”

“For me, honestly, a smidge, but nothing so serious that if he canceled my world would crumble. Do I want to see him? Yes. Does he want to see me? I am pretty sure he does. But again, we’re just two friends going to brunch.”

Sabine knew she wasn’t being completely honest with her mother, and she also knew her mother could tell. But, even after she told Colby all she laid on him at their first “reunion” dinner, she wasn’t going to put all her eggs in the “Colby” basket. However, she didn’t see the need in informing her mother of that whole conversation yet, even if it had been months ago. For now, Mavis figured it’d be best to play her cards close. If there was ever more to tell her mother, she’d tell her then, but it wasn’t the time.

” Girl, I am your mother. I know its more to it than what you’re saying, but I’ll digress. Just remember one thing. That man has been around your life for years, but never in your life at the right times. I hope for your sake, and his safety, that will change”.

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“I know you want to know what I have to say, but first, you have to promise me you won’t get mad.”

“Woman. After 13 years of knowing me, have I ever gotten mad at you?”

“No, but I’ve never told you anything like what I’m about to”, she replied.

“Ok. Mavis Sabine Wilson, I will not get mad, or angry…happy now?”

“Yes. Ok. What I have wanted to tell you for a while, but especially after I met Colby Junior is this…I feel like I’m the reason Colby Junior isn’t our son.”

To say Colby was past dumbfounded would be an understatement. After all, he knew that Mavis wanted children…but his? While he sat quietly still processing what he’d just heard, she continued.

“I know I just dropped a bomb on you.”

With excellent timing, the waitress arrived to take their orders. Mavis wasn’t too hungry so she ordered salmon dip, a bowl of french onion soup, and a glass of rosatto. Colby ordered a steak, medium-well, with asparagus, garlic bread, and a Sam Adams Winter Lager. The waitress took the menus and left.

Colby finally found his voice, “Uh, yeah. Ya think? Wow. I mean, what am I supposed say to that? Gracious girl, I’m generally not a man of few words, but right now? I just…are you for real?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am”, she responded.

“How long have you felt like this? What brought these feelings and thoughts on?”

“Honestly C, I’ve felt like this for a long time, probably since before the night you came over to see my condo. As to what brought on these feelings, well, it’s a long story.”

“Mavis. We’re at dinner for what feels like the first time in forever. I don’t know about you, but I planned on doing nothing but enjoying you, I mean your company, tonight. I have as much time as you’ll allow me this evening to hear what you have to say, so please share.”

She began…”about two years ago, right after my 30th birthday, I took myself on a much needed vacation. I went to Naples, Versailles and Lisbon.”

Mavis laughed, and it seemed to relax her. “You always could make me laugh at the corniest jokes. Anyway as I was saying, I went to Europe for two and a half weeks. I needed to recharge myself from all the working, studying, and never ending damage control from the previous 7 years. Even before my graduation from A&T, (cutting her eyes at C) which you missed, I was working way too much and too hard.”

“Hey, my fiancee was in labor. It’s not like I just arbitrarily didn’t show up. You know, if it wasn’t for that, I’d have been in the front row, with the biggest sign and loudest bullhorn. Well, if your uncle didn’t beat me to it first, that is.”

“Are you gonna let me finish?”

“Are you gonna keep making slick comments?”

“See, this is…” but before she could finish, Colby stopped her. “Look Bean”, resorting to what he called her when he got serious. “Dinner was your idea. I am here. You are here. You have things to share with me, that for some reason, I feel like I just need to know. I’ll try to keep my mouth shut, but don’t clam up on me. Deal?”

She signed and exhaled loudly, “Fine…deal.”

“Ok, so you were saying you’d been working too hard even before your graduation?”

“Yup. The internships during the seasonal breaks, my part-time job during the semesters, and then starting my current job even before I walked across the stage; all of it caught up to me. So one day I decided I needed to get away from everything for a while, and I picked Europe as my get away spot.”

“I would’ve thought for sure you’d have been the main character in Stella Part 2,” Colby cornily joked again. Mavis looked at him with mock disdain and continued.

“On my trip, the first week and a half went by fast. All I did was rest, read books, and think about where God had brought me in my life…and I was at peace. During the last week though, my peace was disturbed as I noticed something else about my life”, she paused.

“What did you notice?”

“For the first time, I really realized that outside of my parents, I had nobody to share my world with.”

Colby carefully, and quickly, processed his next words, as he didn’t want to come off as a douchebag. “In our intermittent convos, you would mention, um, geez what was his name? Um, Denard was it?”

“Yeah, that’s his name.”

“What happened with him? When we talked about y’all, you spoke as if everything was cool.”

“At that time, it was. We’d been seeing each other, exclusively, for a few months. About two months after you and I spoke, things got…weird, and went down hill real fast.”

“Can I ask what?”, Colby inquired.

“Well, I started getting an uneasy feeling…”

“Women’s intuition I take it?”

“No, smart ass…yes…hell, I don’t know. What I do know is that Denard just started acting odd. Like, you know how you men get when y’all are trying to keep up appearances, but are chasing after another woman?”

“Can’t say I do, actually.”

Mavis looked at Colby intensely, “you’re kidding, right? I know you’ve at least thought about having a sidechick.”

“Thought about, and having are two very different things. I’m a man, not that that’s an excuse, but yes I have considered it. In the long run though, I just knew it wasn’t worth it. I wouldn’t want my son doing that to a woman, and I definitely don’t want my daughter seeing her daddy treat a woman like that.”

She looked at C again, thinking to herself…”damn, he really has matured”, but all that escaped her mouth was ummm hmmm.

The ebb and flow of the conversation was effortless, as always, even when they disagreed. The food arrived, and they made small talk as they ate, even sharing a few laughs. As the last bites were taken, the main conversation picked back up.

Mavis started again, “so where’d I leave off?”

“Denard had started acting weird.”

“That’s right. So yeah, he just started tripping. Snapping at me for no reason, then apologizing five minutes later. Then, he went out and bought not one, but two new cars.”

“Ol’ boy was caked up wasn’t he?”

“That’s not the point Colby. I wasn’t with him for his money.”

“But it helped”, he retorted.

“Yes…it did. Buuutttt (she stated, drawing out the word for emphasis), that was not the reason we were together. The money thing is really beside the point. Why do you always have to find ways to detour serious subjects? It’s like you’re insecure about something.”

“What, the hell are you talking about Bean? I just asked if the money helped, and now all of a sudden, I’m insecure? That’s bullshit and you know it. Eff this…here’s the money for dinner, I’m out!”

“Colby! Wait. I’m sorry. I guess I was out of line.”

“Damn straight you were. It’s evident I touched a nerve, so I won’t ask about that anymore.” Colby sat back down, but warily.

They both looked at their plates before speaking. “He developed schizophrenia”, Mavis blurted out. “It seemed like it came on so fast I had no idea what do. I couldn’t prepare for it. It seemed like one day we were fine, and the next, he was talking about frogs telling him I was a demon. Not too soon after that, we were done, and I was putting my emotions back together.”

Mavis had tears streaming down her face. Colby took his napkin and gently wiped her face. Again, they sat in silence. After a few minutes, he took her hand, stood up, made sure the money on the table was enough to cover the bill and tip, and escorted Mavis from the restaurant. Colby walked her back to her car, hugged her tightly, and told her “they could finish the discussion later.”

She thanked him for his tenderness, entered her car and drove off. As she did, Colby watched until her taillights disappeared before returning to his own car. He leaned on the hood, lit a clove, and inhaled deeply, thinking about the just completed dinner. It definitely didn’t end the way he thought it would, but oddly enough, he’d never felt closer to “his Bean”.

Colby couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was most assuredly going to be something different happening between the two of them.

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Colby was nervous. Last week Mavis called him and asked could they meet for lunch because she had some things she wanted to share with him. This was odd; especially since she never wanted to meet. His gut told him life was preparing to flip upside. Only after agreeing did he realize his acquiescence sounded much too excited. She gave him the place, time and date, they said our goodbyes, and hung up.

That was 174 hours ago. And now here he was, sitting in Brio, waiting to have dinner with Mavis again for the first time in 10 years. In those 10 years, his life had been many things; stable being a key exception.

He had time to think as he waited. It seemed like each decision he made after their last dinner was a good one initially, then the fallout would hit…

First he met the woman who later became his wife, and they had a son a few months after getting married. Within two years however, they were divorced. Then six years after that, Colby met another woman who seemed to finally fit what he thought he wanted. The relationship prospered, but he was hesitant about getting married again. She seemed to understand, or so he thought, and things kept progressing.

Soon after, they found out she was pregnant. She began pressing the marriage issue, and he started chafing at the thought. Colby knew it was the socially “right” thing to do, but marrying her wasn’t “right” for him…and he told her, which was hard. Once she delivered their daughter, the last vestiges of the relationship died quickly. After both instances, Colby found himself wondering, “where did I go wrong?” Suffice it to say, in relationships? Everywhere.

During the years between their dinners, Mavis and Colby would talk on an inconsistent basis. They were still friends, so the connection was there, but it had…changed. Whereas before they’d have in-depth, soul baring conversations; the talks now were superficial, like small talk-on-an-elevator superficial. There were things about her life he wanted to ask about, but it was like an unspoken topic that couldn’t be uttered. So they continued the same dance; “How you been? How’s the family? Are you still working at XYZ?” Talking, but not really communicating.

After a few years of not seeing each other, he called her and ask could they get together. She had just purchased a condo near Howard and had a housewarming which seemed the opportune time. However, Colby couldn’t make it, which frustrated him greatly, but the next week he was there, getting the “realtor tour”. She’d done well for her self, and though he was happy for her, seeing Mavis in her home gnawed at him…why he couldn’t quite decipher. After the tour, they talked a while, and had a few glasses of wine. They talked about the past, his kids, her desire to be married and have kids, and their careers. It was just an easygoing night, and one he needed.

Eventually, the witching hour came, and he knew it was time to leave. They shared a lingering hug, and Colby left. The walk back to his car was a replay of the previous few hours. Rapping with Mavis was always effortless; like it was what talking to a woman was supposed to be. As he walked and thought, one thing she said kept repeating in his mind…”nobody ever ‘got’ me like you did”.

Though unintentionally, a few months went by before they talked again. She called one day while he was at a restaurant with his son. During the conversation, Colby asked him if he wanted to “meet one of daddy’s friends”, to which he excitedly said yes. They left the restaurant and headed to Mavis’ place. Once they arrived, Junior knocked on the door and answered “me and my daddy” when she asked “who is it”. As she opened the door, Junior stood there dumbfounded.

Now his mother wasn’t unattractive, at all, but she couldn’t hold a candle to Mavis. Even at seven years old, Junior knew loveliness when he saw it…and she was the embodiment of it. Mavis reached out her hand, and after some prodding from his father, the boy returned the gesture.

“Nice to meet you sir. What’s your name?”

“My name is Junior, like my daddy.” Colby gently reminded him that he was a junior, but that Junior wasn’t his name.

“Oh yeah, my name is Colby.”

“Well, nice to meet you Colby. You’re just as handsome as your father.” Both of them blushed.

After the meet and greet, Mavis got Junior something to drink and escorted him to the living room, where he found something to watch. She returned to the foyer and began fawning over him to his father. Mavis and Colby shared a few laughs, talked, and finally joined the boy in the living room. Little Colby took to Mavis as if he’d known her all his life, and she relished the attention. They talked, played, and just enjoyed each other’s company.

For a moment, things got awkward when he asked how they knew each from. “We grew up together” was all either of the adults said. That seemed to pacify his curiosity, and eventually, he went back to watching TV. Mavis looked at the older Colby, he looked at her, they both looked at the boy, then back at each other and smiled. Big Colby wasn’t sure, but he thought he caught a glimpse of moisture around her eyes. Before he could ask, she went into the kitchen for a moment and then returned. Her eyes were dry when she sat back down.

Thirty minutes later it was time for the Colbys to leave. Junior asked her when was the next time he’d see her, to which she put the father on the spot, saying “well, Dad?” “We’ll see, but for now, come on boy so you can get home.” They exchanged hugs and the guys left. On the way to dropping him off, Junior said “Daddy, I like her, and I think she likes you”. “Well son, I’m glad you like her…I’m not real sure about the second part of that though”. “Dad…trust me, I know these things”. Colby Senior laughed the rest of ride.

After he dropped Junior off, Big Colby started thinking again about Mavis, and old thoughts and feelings started welling up inside of him. Here was this woman, whom he’d seen grow from an awkward pre-teen to this stunningly smart, gorgeous, charismatic, independent, and confident woman, and just like old times, he was in awe. NO-BODY, had ever flustered him as much as she did…and she knew it, and probably even enjoyed it.

Colby snapped back to the present, anticipating both Mavis’ arrival, as well as what she wanted to talk about. A few moments later, Mavis she walked in. He stood to help her with her jacket and pulled her seat out. Once seated, they rehashed the events of their respective days, and ordered drinks and an appetizer. Colby wanted to get to what she had to say, but he didn’t want to seem too eager. Moments went by, but then Mavis changed the subject.

“I know you want to know what I have to say, but first, you have to promise me you won’t get mad.”

“Woman. After 13 years of knowing me, have I ever gotten mad at you?”

“No, but I’ve never told you anything like what I’m about to”, she replied.

“Ok. Mavis Sabine Wilson, I will not get mad, or angry…happy now?”

“Yes. Ok. What I have wanted to tell you for a while, but especially after I met Colby Junior is this…I feel like I’m the reason Colby Junior isn’t our son.”

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A couple of weeks ago, I was reading an article that was at the end of another one of my internet rabbit holes. You know how you can click a link on one page, then another and another, and before you know it, you’ve spent an hour reading things and watching videos? Yup…that’s how I found the article. What caught my attention was how the author presented their arguments as fact, and without seeming to have any insight into how the mind of a married man works. After reading the article, I decide to present a rebuttal, from the mind of at least one married man.

1. Ignoring Problems

There are reasons why a husband may not seem intent on dealing with problems. Just because he ignores them doesn’t mean he wants a divorce. Perhaps he’s already processing them and is working on a solution. How is his woman speaking to him in regards to the problem? Does she come off as attacking and slick-mouthed, or genuinely concerned? Just because a woman doesn’t hear anything about a specific problem doesn’t mean the man isn’t working on a solution.

2. He Is Always Busy

What is the home life like? Is it stressful because of the disconnect between the two people, or is it because of forces outside his control? Men are instilled with the responsibilities of “provide and protect” from an early age. If one or the other can’t be done (usually providing) it can gnaw at the very core of a man. He’ll spend as much time as necessary to get that provider label back. The way he looks at something may be skewed, but he’s not always trying to leave.

3. Changing His Physical Appearance

Let’s say a man is getting older, has gotten flubbery, and doesn’t like what he sees in the mirror. Yes, it does happen to men too. But he starts getting in shape so he can feel better about himself, and better his health. And, and *GASP* he wants to look good for HIS woman. That means he wants to get a divorce? Or could it be his woman’s insecurity about her physical appearance is informing her thoughts about why he’s “all of a sudden” getting his Mr. Olympia on? Hmmm…

4. He’s Lost Those Loving Feelings

Folks assume that men are wired one way, and only respond negatively to affairs of the heart. Well let me let everyone in on a little secret…men try are proactive, but we can be reactionary too. To assume that a man just up and started losing ”those loving feelings” is generally foolish. In a perfect world, maybe, but in the real world, there are things that his woman no doubt did, or is doing, that have fed into her feeling like his feelings are gone. Perhaps checking for the plank in her own eye before looking at the speck in her man’s would be wise.

5. No Action In The Bedroom

For this one, you’ve got to get a wee bit closer. Ready? Ok, here it is…men can get tired of sex. It’s earth shattering news, I know. But wait, there’s more. Weight, stress, age, stress, pressure, stress, and stress can drastically interfere with a man’s libido, as well as desire for sexual contact. Society would have people (women) thinking that men are always ready, willing, and able, and if he’s not then it’s a problem. Guess what, there most likely is a problem, but not one that means a man is done with his relationship.

6. He Doesn’t Want to Spend Time Together

This is one of only two I can’t offer an alternative reason for. The majority of issues that couples face result from the lack of effective communication, and time together, where they can just focus on them. If a man isn’t willing to put energy into either…then there’s definitely problem.

7. New Circle of Friends

If we’re talking about Drake, then “No New Friends” is fine, but we’re not. Maybe a man needs a new set of friends. Perhaps the friends he was hanging out with at first were not good influences and he recognized that, so he has cultivated friendships with people who can enhance him as a person, as well as his relationship.

8. He’s a Workaholic

Let’s assume a man is a workaholic. Is it possible he was one before meeting his significant other? Sure. In some twisted way, was it comforting to her because she knew she had a man who was willing to work as much as need? Probably. So now that “it’s” official, his strong work ethic is a problem? Nope…can’t let it fly.

9. Nasty Comments

“Sticks and stones break your bones, but blah blah…” The biggest load of crap we’re taught as kids. If a man is making nasty comments toward a woman, my general question is, “what did she say to him?” Men can only take but so much slick talk before we’ll respond in kind. Maybe, just maybe a woman should check how she sounds and what she says before getting them panties in a bunch about her man saying something foul.

10. Bad Habits Emerge

Ok, this is the only other one there’s no alternative for. If destructive habits are emerging, the source of ol’ boys’ stress needs to be found…and quickly.

11. He Doesn’t Contribute

If he’s super old-school, a man will probably take out the trash, do the yard work, and give his woman the checkbook and that’s about it. Maybe once in a while he’ll cook just because, and will pull up the slack if his woman is feeling sick. However, most men probably feel like if they’re making most of the money (providing) and ensuring the home front is secure (protecting) then their job is done. If a woman desires help from her man around the home, don’t assume he’ll pick up on it…ask.

12. He’s Never Home

One question: is home someplace that can be refuge for a man, or is it a confined war zone that the world he faces everyday can’t fathom? If he’s not comfortable being home, he won’t be, period.

13. Hidden Phone

Nowadays, many people’s (men and women) phones are the lifeline of their job. If a man is on his phone a lot, and he works in a communication intensive field or he’s always on call, then the phone is necessity. If he’s never given his woman reason to suspect anything, and she know’s the kind of job he has, she needs to breathe easy.

14. He Won’t Compromise

Has he never compromised, or is it recent that he has stopped? Perhaps he’s had enough of his compromising becoming synonymous with him giving in. If he’s always “compromising” to make his woman happy, but…wait for it…he’s not seeing where she compromises, he’ll stop.

15. No Smiles

Maybe he’s had a long day at work, got some bad news, or God forbid, ate some of his woman’s cooking knowing she can’t cook. Whatever the case, just because the man doesn’t smile doesn’t mean he’s looking to check out. There’s probably and underlying reason for it, and finding *that* out will be better for the relationship in the long run.

Did you read the original article? Do you agree or disagree with the original points or the alternatives, or both?

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It was late one Sunday night that I realized two things. First, my man card had to be turned in. Secondly, my daughters had a sucka for a father. Ok, not really on either account, but fora few hours, this could’ve been the case.

See y’all gotta understand, like, I HATE bugs. Not worms, or even most spiders, or even the slow walking ones. The kind I hate are the ones that creep along, but sense you moving around, and dart off like Carl Lewis in his prime. They move too fast for the average person to get them the first time, and then you gotta look for them, but hope you see them before they see you. It’s stressful.

So anyway, like I was saying; Sunday night I got home and the commenced to watching Law & Order like an OG ‘spose to. Out the corner of my eye, I think I see something gray moving slow. It’s dark so I assume it’s lint being blown around by the A/C. A couple of minutes later, the “lint” is creeping in front of the TV. Bruh…I IMMEGIATELY hop up to cut the light on, but never take my eye off the “living lint”.

As SOON as the light illuminated what was going to be a dark time in my night and life, the thing gets ghost! I usually sleep on the couch, and where does the bug go? Under the m*********n’ couch! Now I’m telling the bug and myself, “nope, nah, not tonight champ…I got work in the morning. We are NOT doing this. You gotta go bug, tonight!”

The first thing I did was grab the broom. I figure, “if I can squash it, I’m good and then I can go to sleep.” The only problem was, I had no attack plan.

Opportunities present themselves in the face of adversity all the time. In fact, when we fall, it’s much easier to see what we are really made of than when we are flying in blue skies. Life often works like a series of “the next 200ft.” Things can be so foggy at times that you never really know what you are dealing with ahead of what you can see. That’s where faith comes in. Faith is the courage to keep going when you honestly and absolutely have no idea what really is going to happen to you after you complete the 200ft in front of you. Going headstrong into that takes some guts.

I encourage you to endure. To keep chipping away. Did you know that a lot of the railroad through Sierras…you know those tunnels that the…