I know what you're thinking. Slug pellets. They don't work. Huh? Well
these aren't like your normal slug pellets, these work in a new and much
more sophisticated way. Not only do these pellets kill the slugs that eat
them, kill the slugs that come into contact with them, kill the slugs that
think about them for too long, taste nice to slugs, smell nice to slugs,
feel nice to slugs and omit a high frequency sound that attracts slugs...
as our leading competitor's pellets do... these pellets go further. These
pellets actually seek out your slugs and kill them with a special laser
gun concealed on the edge of each pellet. These pellets talk to the slugs,
suggesting they should be eaten forthwith. You can buy our standard pellets
for a mere £20 a pellet or our special mutli lingual
pellets that attract 7 nationalities of slug and warn your pets not to
eat them for a mere £50 a pellet. The extra special
advanced superduper version does all this and has a very-tasty-sweet mode,
which it automatically converts to when aproaching a human mouth, only
£70. And finally the amazing, extra, superduper, incredible,
new, great, excellent, wonderpelletTM that
does all this and makes you tea, brings your breakfast in bed, negotiates
waring factions into peace in under 4 hours, solves world famine and automatically
removes biscuit crumbs from your tea! - for only YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL,
buy now!