Thursday, April 30, 2015

Get Ready To Die, May Kerry King Strike You Dead, Beating A Dead Jockey

Me with the ghostly apparition of
Andrew W.K. in the background.

So it has been a ding dangle long time since I last posted on here. In the past I have mentioned that usually when I don't post anything it's most likely because nothing is happening and these blogs would be about as interested as a wet carrot. But surprisingly I have not been posting because a lot has been happening. So much so that I find myself less and less confined to the darkness of my bedroom aside from sleep and the occasional cat snuggle. I also acquired a newer generation Ipod so I am finally plugged into, (if only credulously,) to the social and information world that all of you have been a part of for the last decade or so. I spend most days in my living room now still hanging out with cats, reading and watching Iron Chef America round the clock. Anything with Alton Brown is gold for me. I love his misanthropic charm, though I am sure he would hate me I respect that. Seems like a nice guy. Another nice guy is Andrew W.K. who I got to see last week at the same venue we played last night. It was honestly one of the best shows I have ever seen and that man's smile is infectious. Even a shitass like your's truly could not get the grin off his face.

Me at every show I attend.

As for the show we played last night it was a tale for the ages! First of all, I am feeling sick as shit right now. I initially thought it might be allergies since the foliage is just beginning to bloom here in Michigan but upon further review I realized it was acute viral rhinopharyngitis or the common cold but a real bugger of a bobby if I do declare. Nasty as a dingo up a didgeridoo if I may knife-y spoon-y that proclamation. I don't know what just happened but anyways yeah I have a cold. So I wasn't sure how last night was going to go. All in all I think we played well and I didn't sing as horribly as I thought I would. But the bands we played with were unusual to say the least. The headlining band were peregrine but in an awesome way. I started fading fast by the time they started their set but I was genuinely interested in what they were doing. Not the particular brand of crumpet I would buy for my tea party but all in all a good band. Their tour comrades were another story all together. It's a story that defy's many laws of physics and indeed science as we once knew it. You see our story begins at a radio metal tour back in 2003. While playing the coliseums of America's rock aristocracy the aforementioned group was struck by tragedy. A freak ice storm struck the stage during their OVER AN HOUR long set and the entire band was frozen into a single block of solid ice. They fell into obscurity and they were brought to an underground research facility for study while their compatriots: Breaking Benjamin, Papa Roach, Godsmack and Avenged Sevenfold carried the flag into battle for their fallen brothers. Now fast forward to present day and the technological advances we have made in the last decade have given great strides towards cryogenic research and development. Unfortunately the scientists given control over the fate of this musical group were too busy asking if they could bring them back from their icy tombs, they never stopped to ask if they should. As soon as they were awoken and had shed the amniotic sacs used during the unfreezing process they fled the facility confused and bewildered by their new environment. With only their soul patch goatees, pre-teen lyric sheets and reptilian brains they were drawn to the flashing lights and bar rat pheromones of the underground venues of America. I would imagine it is a medical marvel that these boys could go through such an arduous journey and still have the stamina to play for OVER AN HOUR OF MEDICORE SHITTY RIFFS AND THEOLOGICALLY BEREFT SATANIC BABBLE!!!!!! FUCK I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!! ANIMAL LIBERATION, HUMAN ANNIHILATION!!!!! KILL 'EM ALL LET KERRY KING SORT 'EM OUT!!!! FUCK!!!!! Alright I'm done sorry about that. Sometimes that black bile creeps up and I retch it upon all you fine people.

I am Jane all the way.

Now to wrap up the Ruined rant, we have lots of things cooking right now. Remember all that stuff I mentioned about splits and shit in the past? Yeah that's all in the garbage now. We decided to take everything that we recorded recently and put it out on tape as a single release. We are seeing it as our first official EP as a two piece and I am probably going to take down all the music I have written thus far and probably pick out a few gems and re-record them for future releases. I really only have two songs in my sights from those good ole days and the rest will just fall into the abyss. Otherwise you can look forward to that tape being released soon and we should have them available by our tour in May with Planning for Burial. For the full tour list and updated info check out the Facebook event HERE. Otherwise follow us now on Instagram @ruinedband or click HERE. I seem to find myself on there more often than other social networking sites nowadays but I have also made my Tumblr our band site now so if that tickles your turnip more click HERE. Anyways, fuck yeah shit and stuff. Stay Gloomy.