Monday, June 29, 2009

Update: Madonna

Everyone, including their sister's mother's husband's third cuzzin and her baby daddy's other baby momma already know that ever since mid-April of 2009 rumors and reports have been swirling and sliding down the gossip grapevine about the one and only material mommy Madonna snatching up a size queen friendly 12,000 square foot triple-wide townhouse on the Upper East Side of New York that was last listed with a fearsome $42,000,000 asking price.

Well children, according to the New York Times, the sale is finally confirmed and "brokers briefed on the transaction" are blabbing that the KabbalahKween (K.K.) paid a spine tingling $32,500,000 for the East. 81st Street property. Is anyone really surprised that the formidable K.K. was able to get the sellers to whack nearly ten million clams off the asking price? Your Mama sure isn't.

The 57-foot wide 5 story house, located at the very edge of what many New York City real estate snobs would consider an acceptable address, includes two entrances, a rare and private 2-car garage with direct entry to the house, 2 dry bars, 2 kitchens with 2 pantries and 2 dumb waiters, 1 elevator, 9 fireplaces, 38 closets (or something like that), 13 bedrooms, 12+ bathrooms, and a private 3,000 square foot garden where K.K. reportedly wants to keep a few chickens in a coop to remind her of Ashscome House, the 1,200 acre estate that she gave to the ex-Mr. K.K. Guy Ritchie in the big dee-vorce.

Interestingly, according to the New York Times, the house is out of range of the New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission and can be doubled in size under current zoning laws.

I'm so sick of reading about the snobbery of these brokers and how this house is on the wrong side of Lexington. I have lived on this block for over 20 years and there is nothing wrong with this block. There are many affluent people that live in my building including a very, very, very famous starchitect. There is nothing wrong with this block. I like how those brokers talk shit when they couldn't even dream of buying a house like Madonna just bought. I was in the house before she bought it and it really did need a lot of updating. Everyone knew they wouldn't get the original $45 Million they were asking but I knew it wouldn't take too long to sell. If I had the money I would have bought it myself, the backyard is amazing. Also, I am sick of people saying that they wouldn't want Madonna in their neighborhood. Who are these people to talk shit about someone they've probably never even met. You read stories about her online and just assume that they're true. Most of the trash you read in tabloids are complete fabrication. I hope she really does enjoy the house and I know it will turn out beautifully. My only bone to pick, please don't get a rooster!!! Chickens are fine with me though! Just please, no rooster!! I wish her and her family all the best.

Nothing wrong with the block, but nothing special either. There is one home, however, adjacent to the east of casa madonna. Don't know the address but it's a double brownstone, white on an otherwise dark block. Just stunning. I'm sure 5:24 knows of it...Is that the home of the "starchitect?"

I wouldn't want Madge in my neighborhood. I remember she made the cover of the Post like in 2001 for blocking traffic on CPW for hours, being selfish, and leaving a fleet of cars standing outside her building.

Fuck her, She has all the $ in the world, and is still ugly and has poor taste.

This is 5:24 again. The "starchitect" I mentioned is not I.M. Pei and, while I do know about the white townhouse you are talking about, no, that is not where he lives. He lives in my apartment building in an apartment, obviously. Also, I am not Liz Rosenberg, who ever that is... It's really not my place to give out people's names on a forum like this so I will just say that he is a very nice man of Greek descent. If you can't figure it out from that then I can't help you any further. I look forward to your guesses though.

From what I hear, Madonna will stay at her Harperly Hall apartment until the renovation of the townhouse is completed. Not too long ago Madonna bought another apartment in Harperly Hall. According to what I've heard, after she moves into her townhouse, she plans to incorporate the new unit into her existing apartments (which are already combined) and then sell it as one large unit. It won't be cheap either, the number I heard actually scared me and I dare not utter it. She's extremely ballsy, just like Sandy Gallin.

Well, my dears, I have just come back from a skulk along East 81st St, just a slight detour from the shrink... the house--rather, combination of three houses--is quite dingy--the pale trim is dirty--it appears to need work. The house is nothing special--certainly the architectural integrity of the original houses has been compromised, especially by the garages. But of course the old thing really just wants a bunker, so who cares? Anyway, the block is quite ordinary--I'm sorry, 524--this just ain't got the posh (and now that we know who the boring architect is, I rest my case). I seemed not to be the only person discreetly gawking. At least 3-4 others (who appeared to be excited domestiques) were looking at the house and (this is where it gets thrilling) checking out all the service vehicles parked in front-- a couple of trucks from an engineering firm (according to the doors)-- a few workers were out front with a surveyor's tripod. But here are a few tidbits about the block and its possible attractions for Madge. Perhaps she is going to do an Ethan Hawke and write a novel--serious litra-chure of course--she is poised to crash the MacDowell Colony offices across the street. And maybe the orthotics shop around on 3rd ave will open itself up for her in the middle of the night for discreet fittings. (Those arches ain't getting any younger.) But I think the clincher must be Bon Nuit on the Lex corner-- she can continue her Anglophilia and dress the little ones in fine English togs befitting the offspring of a titled English lady. It was a swell walk on a rare sunny day in Manhattan-- but I was glad to get back down to the Village. Just too busy uptown--and narrow East 81st IS going to be a mess with Haggus-Baggus and her fleet of black busses and the paps.

Kostas Condylis is the famous Greek architect. He designs a lot of buildings for Donald Trump, and I'm surprised he doesn't live in one of his towers. I've seen pictures of Madonna's apartment in Harpeley Hall from a few years ago, and it was really beautiful. She'll probably get at least $20 million for it.

This is 5:24 and 12:36 one more time. 10:11., how exactly am I a snob? All I am doing is defending my block, I know that it isn't perfect but it's definitely not disgusting by any means. Not everyone lives between 5th and Madison, maybe some people don't want to live there.

As I said before, what I heard is that Madonna will sell her Harperly Hall spread after the townhouse renovation is completed and she's fully moved in and settled. Also, 12:11 guessed she will get at least $20 Million for it. What I heard (this is just a rumor, I don't know how much weight it actually holds but I got it from a pretty reliable source) she is going to be asking more than double that figure for the place. The actual number makes me shutter and I can't bring myself to actually write it. Crazy, isn't it?

This is 12:11 I guessed at least $20 million, but you're right, the actual price will be much higher. (I'm not an agent, just a real estate nerd in Toronto who follows NYC property listings a lot).

I think the apartment is 9000 sq ft, so at $2000/sq ft you would get $18 million. Nice apartments on CPW with views probably sell for over $3000 sq ft, and if a major celebrity is selling the house/apartment there is an extra premium normally built into the price (bragging rights). I wouldn't be surprised if she listed it closer to $4000 sq ft. Don't forget, there is also the newer apartment, that she bought recently, that can be joined with this one, which would increase the size of the place. A $35-$40 million listing might not be that far-fetched.

Hate to be a bitch but her apartment as it is right now is a touch under 6,000 square feet. The apartment that she bought will add a little more than 2,000 square feet approximately. So that's 8,000 square feet total give or take... I'll let you figure out the price, she wants $7,500 per square foot. There, I said it. You can do the math. ::SHUTTER SHUTTER:: I just twitched. She's got to be out of her fucking mind with that price.

And, no, it's not Alan Lapidus, I.M. Pei, Daniel Liebeskind or Frank Gehry. From the post, you can figure it out, who did I leave out? I have a hard time keeping secrets I guess. You guys now know the price Madonna is rumored to want for her Harperly Hall spread and the architect that lives across the street.

Hey usedoyenne, you're FAB! Love your comments, are you new here? I don't recall seeing your name before, but I'll keep an eye out for future comments! And you're so right, $60 mill is crazy-talk! Momma must be reaching for a G&T as we speak! Nite kids!