103871: Advice for one who suffers from premature ejaculation even though he is using a special du‘aa’

I am a young man who is about to get married, but I have a problem, namely premature ejaculation. I know that this is a problem that will cause me a lot of difficulty when having intercourse after marriage. At present I am taking steps to deal with this matter myself by reciting Qur’an. When going to sleep, I place my hand over my penis and recite al-Faatihah and “And We send down from the Quran that which is a healing and a mercy…” [al-Isra’ 17:82] and “And when I am ill, it is He who cures me” [ash-Shu ‘ara’ 26:80], each one seven times, then I say: “I ask Allah, Lord of the Mighty Throne, to heal me” seven times, then I offer supplication (du‘aa’), then I blow on my penis three times. And every morning – when I am going to work in my car – I place my hand over my penis and recite the last two verses of Soorat al-Baqarah, Aayat al-Kursiy, al-Faatihah, al-Mu‘awwidhaat, and Ikhlaas and the two verses I mentioned above, in addition to the supplication that I mentioned, then I blow three times on my penis. I do that three times, then after that I ask Allah to heal me from this. Is what I am doing something correct or are there other means or other verses? I do not want to get married when I am in this state.

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

We do not know how you can suffer from premature ejaculation
when you are not married! Such a thing only becomes apparent after getting
married, so how can you be suffering from it?

What appears to us to be the case is that, if this is not
something imaginary that is not really happening, you may have come to know
about it from practising the secret habit! If that is the case, you should
realise that you have to hasten to stop doing it, for it has many harmful
effects, one of which is that it causes premature ejaculation merely as a
result of the penis touching something provocative.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him)
said: It is medically proven that masturbation leads to a number of
diseases. For example, it weakens the eyesight and reduces sharpness of
vision to a great extent. It also weakens the penis so that it becomes
partially or completely flaccid, in such a way that the one who does that
becomes more like a woman because he loses the most important characteristic
of manhood with which Allah has favoured men over women. Thus he is unable
to get married and if it so happens that he does get married, he is not able
to perform his marital function in the manner required, so it is inevitable
that his wife will look at other men, because he is not able to keep her
chaste. And that has negative consequences as is quite obvious.

It also leads to nervous weakness in general as a result of
the exhaustion that results from doing that action. And it leads to problems
in the digestive system, leading to poor digestion. It also leads to stunted
growth, especially in the penis and testicles, which do not grow to their
full natural size. And it leads to infection in the testicles, so that the
individual develops the problem of premature ejaculation, as he ejaculates
if something merely brushes against his penis.

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/122, 123

You should not be anxious about this matter. As we have told
you, if the cause is doing the secret habit, there is the hope that when you
give it up, Allah will make things easy for you and this symptom will no
longer be present after you get married. If it does continue after marriage,
then you are advised not to go ahead with penetration until you have engaged
in foreplay and pleasure with your wife, and aroused her, so that when she
reaches climax, you can penetrate after that, so as to keep yourself and her
chaste. But do not overdo it either with regard to foreplay, because that
may be one of the causes of premature ejaculation.

If that does not work, then you can consult a specialist
doctor who can tell you about medicines to delay ejaculation. Perhaps when
you get used to sex, especially after the initial period, this problem will
go away without any need for medicine. It is well known that the one who has
been unmarried for a long time will have intercourse many times a day when
he first gets married and he may ejaculate quickly, but it will not be long
before things settle down.

There are da‘eef hadeeths which suggest that it is mustahabb
for the husband to engage in foreplay with his wife before penetration, and
warn against satisfying his desire without making sure that she is also
satisfied. Although the isnaads are da‘eef, the meaning is acceptable and
they offer good advice in that regard.

Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before
intercourse, so as to arouse her and so that she will get the same pleasure
from intercourse as he does. It was narrated from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez
from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he said:
“Do not have intercourse with her until she is aroused as you are, lest you
finish before she finishes.” I [the narrator] said: Are you telling me? He
said: “Yes; you should kiss her and touch her, until you see that she is
aroused as you are, then have intercourse with her.”

If he reaches climax before she does, it is not right for him
to withdraw until she reaches climax, because of the report narrated by Anas
ibn Maalik who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) said: “When a man has intercourse with his wife, let him pay
proper attention to her. Then when he has fulfilled his desire, he should
not withdraw from her until she has fulfilled her desire.” And because that
may be harmful to her and prevent her from fulfilling her desire.

Al-Mughni, 8/136

Both hadeeths are da‘eef (weak), but they are correct in
meaning, as we stated above.

Al-Mannaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

“When one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him pay
proper attention to her” i.e., let him have intercourse with her
energetically and vigorously, doing it properly and with love and sincerity
towards her. This is what is recommended.

“If he finishes before her” i.e., if he reaches climax first
and she is still aroused.

“He should not withdraw from her” i.e., before she reaches
climax and fulfils her desire; rather he should give her time so that she
could fulfil her desire as he fulfilled his desire. So he should not move
away from her until he is certain that she has fulfilled her desire, because
that is part of kind treatment, keeping her chaste and being considerate
towards her.

From this hadeeth and others we learn that if the man is
quick to reach climax, such that he cannot give his wife time to reach
climax, it is recommended for him to seek treatment that will delay
ejaculation, because this is a means of doing something recommended, and
means come under the same ruling as ends.

Fayd al-Qadeer, 1/325

Secondly:

With regard to the du‘aa’s that you are reciting as a remedy,
what is sound of that is what is proven to be sound in the saheeh Sunnah.
Anything other than that it is permissible to use, but on condition that you
do not make it a regular wird as one may do with the dhikrs narrated from
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). With regard to your
reciting the verses “And We send down from the Quran that which is a
healing and a mercy…” [al-Isra’ 17:82] and “And when I am ill, it is
He who cures me” [ash-Shu ‘ara’ 26:80], there is nothing wrong with
that, although it would be better to treat yourself by reciting that which
is narrated from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and
to treat yourself with ruqyah as narrated from him.

We have discussed what is proven of such du‘aa’s in the
answer to question no. 75399.
That should be sufficient and good, in sha Allah.

With regard to placing your hand over the private part or
touching it whilst reciting the ruqyah and the Qur’anic verses it contains,
we do not think that you should do that; we are afraid that using the Qur’an
in this manner may be disrespectful. Moreover, the problem that you mention
is not an obvious sickness such that you could do that when treating it with
ruqyah. Even if it is a sickness, the sickness is not in the private part,
as you think and because of that you have been using the ruqyah that you
mention. Rather it is, as is proven, a problem that is rooted in your
nervous system that cannot control ejaculation in the normal manner.

To sum up, we do not advise you to delay marriage in order to
solve this problem; the real situation will not become clear until after you
get married. Perhaps it is imaginary or an excess of desire, because you are
unmarried, and it will soon disappear after you get married. If it so
happens that the problem remains, then you can use some appropriate medical
treatment after consulting a specialist.