Mikhail Prokhorov Did A Q-and-A With The New York Post And It’s Everything You Would Ever Expect

On the heels of the opening night that may not happen because of Hurricane Sandy, Mikhail Prokhorov sat down with Steve Serby of the New York Post and dished it out on some of his favorite topics, and it’s everything you’ve ever wanted and expected from the Brooklyn Nets’ Russian billionaire owner.

Some of the more notable quotes:

Q: Who are you more like, your mother or father, and in what ways? Describe each of them.

A: My father was an emotional person, but I’m much more like my mother. She was cool as a cucumber, as you say in English. In Russian, we say calm as a boa constrictor!

Q: Best piece of advice your mother or father gave you.

A: It’s a long story, but basically I had written an essay in school about wanting to grow up to be a Red Army commander, because I’d seen in a film how well they ate and, as I was in the middle of a growth spurt, I was hungry all the time. The school called in my parents and asked them why they weren’t feeding their child. They were aghast. At that point my parents told me: “It’s bad to lie, but you don’t have to tell everybody everything.” They made me re-write my essay to say I wanted to grow up to be a cosmonaut.

Q: Describe your ideal mate.

A: Beautiful, smart, sexy and makes a mean bowl of borscht.

Q: Is marriage something you would consider some day?

A: I have said that if the Nets don’t win the NBA championship within five years, I will punish myself by getting married. We are in year three. So no one is more interested in winning a championship than yours truly.

Those are some of the better quotes… from the first page. There are four pages. Prokhorov dishes on Ben Franklin, the Knicks rivalry, Honey Boo Boo, the US presidents, if he would move the NBA to Siberia, and oh geez just go read it already.