Archives for June 2015

I really don’t want this post to be terribly sad, so bear with me for just a moment.

Several weeks ago, during all the grieving, a dear friend sort of tossed the idea out to me to write a book. {HA!}

I came home that night, or maybe it was the next night, sat down at my computer and got it all out. Within two and half-ish hours I had typed 26 pages of a word document.

I got it allout.

All the details. All the conversations. All the raw emotions. And I put it down on paper {the electronic version}.

So I referred back to it tonight for this post.

Here’s the excerpt, talking about the amazing Veterinary Hospital that was caring for Lily in her last days and the precious gift they gave us as we kissed her goodbye:

“They made a claw print for us to bring home and put in the oven, to harden, and then keep for all of forever. It even has a couple of her hairs in it. They used a little flower stamp around the border and then stamped her name into the side. It sits in a plastic bag today, on a shelf in Lily’s room. Until I find a shadow box frame I like, I am keeping it in this bag.”

Well, today I found the shadow box. I knew Michael’s would have something, and as Providence would have it, shadow box frames were on sale! {I may have purchased two because they were BOGO!}

After the kids were down {because all projects happen AFTER the kids go down…for the second or third time!!}, I pulled out the new shadow box and carefully removed Lily’s clay paw from the Ziploc bag. I used some heavy-duty command strips to adhere the paw to the fabric, because those pretty little pearl-pins that come with the box surely weren’t going to hold this thing into place!

This was going to be the end of my post for tonight. Until I received a sursy on my front porch today. I already posted on Instagram and Facebook that Lily’s third set of grandparents sent a precious gift to us today.

The little white bone on the card actually has seeds of a plant in it, so it will be planted in Lily’s flower bed this weekend.

The beautiful little statue already has a home.

I am reminded about the loveliness of life. Even the life of a dog. Each life touches the lives of so many others. It’s not just us who grieve Lily’s passing, but also those who knew and loved her.

The first time I heard the word, “sursy”, I had recently moved to South Carolina and someone brought me a candle and called it a sursy.

A what?

A sursy.

What’s a sursy?

I recently had this conversation with a new co-worker, who moved here from Denver, Colorado just a few months ago.

She’d never heard of the word either.

So of course, like a good southern lady, I told her what a sursy is.

First, I googled it, so she wouldn’t think I totally made up this somewhat-of-a-silly-sounding word.

The urban dictionary {as opposed to the SUBurban…} states that a sursy is: a term commonly used in the South to denote a small, unexpected gift…for no special occasion, particularly to show affection or thanks.

Now, I am from the South. I am southern, born and bred. But I’m telling y’all, I’d never heard this word, ever before until South Carolina came into my life.

Of course now, I love to use the word. The word itself just sounds friendly. For those of you who don’t know, it’s pronounced like “sir see”. I enjoy finding little sursies to gift to friends or coworkers.

When Andrew and I were in our pre-marital counseling we discovered that neither of us was {is?!} a good gift giver…as in giving sursies…unexpected gifts. Sure, we’re great at the birthday, anniversary, the um, important dates. But not really the unexpected.

And as I write this I’m thinking that I probably need to find a sursy for him…because he’s not gotten a sursy in a while. hmm.

Anyhew, back to everyone else! ha!

The key to the sursy is that it’s unexpected. And inexpensive. For me it’s the something that says to the recipient, “hey, I saw this today, thought of you and wanted you to have it.”

It can be a small candle {like I received}, a pretty little trinket holder, a neat/unique pack of notes. I even gave someone some witty post-it notes once because this particular coworker had post its lining the shelf above his head.

I don’t give sursies often…that’s what makes them unexpected! And I wait for things to speak to me. Kind of like the Pier One commercials where the birds or the gnomes start talking to the lady shopping.

Ok, I know I sound crazy now. But take today for example. I saw a pretty little dish with a fabulous little saying on it and thought, “that’s perfect for…!”

I didn’t hesitate. I grabbed it, put something I had for me in my hand, back on the shelf and made my little purchase. And yes, I’ll take the gift wrapping because I want that tiny little rosette!!

I have no idea how many of you friends, neighbors, acquaintances, even family members and strangers {who read my blog} have had miscarriages. I’ve even wondered over the last few weeks, with every woman that I’ve seen or talked to, if she’s known the loss I have.

What I do know are the stats: 10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and 80% of those happen before the twelve week mark.

I had no idea that the number was that great. Nor did I have any idea of the number of you that have suffered one, or many, micarriages. My doctor told me that it was “very common”.

The weekend that I posted about ours, I had a lot of Facebook messages and texts from friends telling me of their own experience(s) and for some of those that I never knew about, it made me just wonder why the silence.

I know keeping pregnancy a “secret” for the first twelve weeks is sort of the thing to do, “just in case”. But just in case of what? That we do miscarry? Because more than anything I would need the love and prayers of my friends.

My heart yearns for those who have even suffered miscarriages last week and this week. I know some of the pain, but not all of it. And I pray for those whose hearts are still broken over losses from long ago, but not so long ago.

I don’t really know what the purpose of all of this is…this post and all…if anything, it’s to say to my friends to not be silent. As friends we want to be available to each other, to love and care for, to hug and cry with and to just sit in the quiet if that’s what is needed. I’m not saying it needs to be a Facebook post for all the world to see, and I don’t need to know all of your personal business, but as friends who love each other and want to support each other, we need to share in one another’s pain, bearing one another’s burdens. Praying for and lifting each other up.

Time heals all wounds, but our hearts have a hard time forgetting the pain.

Rose Kennedy put it this way: It has been said that, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

A baby is a miracle. A perfect miracle. All the pieces, the chromosomes, and everything else came together perfectly to form a baby. Each one of us is a total and complete miracle. Everything came together perfectly to form you. You are a miracle.

Some weekends we find ourselves wandering around town, trying to find something to do with the kiddos that’s either free or inexpensive. We’re not cheap, just frugal :)

Often we end up at Lowe’s….which, in most instances, does not turn out to be cheap OR frugal!!! Especially if daddy is along for the ride {hehe}.

This past Saturday was like most. Reynolds and Eliza Jane got up from their naps {wait, she didn’t even take one!!}, and we loaded them up and went to Lowe’s. {That’s right, Eliza Jane fell asleep in the car, like SHE does on most Saturdays…}.

After perusing the sale aisle and then letting Reynolds drive Dada’s tractor, we decided that it was time to leave before we frivolously spent money on things we didn’t need.

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