"I could do 90 in the Lancia Dedra for hour after hour after hour. On one downhill stretch I hit 100 but the doors fell off."

"There are only three objective reasons for not buying a particular car: it is unsafe; it is absurdly expensive; it is a Vauxhall Vectra."

"I've just spent the last week driving a 1990 Audi quattro. And I'm sorry, but it was like bumping into an old girlfriend who's had three kids since you saw last saw her, and got a job in a chocolate factory."

"The only person who ever looked good in the back of a convertible was Hitler."

"I don’t know what goes with what and reckon that if you can’t see my genitals, I’m well dressed."

"My wife is so completely in touch with her male side, I’m surprised she hasn’t actually grown a scrotum."

"I try on opinions like I try on clothes, standing in front of a mirror and wondering if they suit me. Sometimes, I take them home and realise I made a bad choice, so I throw them away and get new ones."

"You ever wondered when you see a BMW 5-Series cruise by, why there's only one person inside? It's because no one likes him very much."

“I think that cars today are almost the exact equivalent of the great Gothic cathedrals: I mean the supreme creation of an era, conceived with passion by unknown artists, and consumed in image if not in usage by a whole population which appropriates t”

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