Why Successful Black Men Date White Women.

Black men dating white women

So a while back, I read an article called “Are Rich Black Men turning their backs on White Women?” on the 18 Karat Reggae website. It was intriguing in its perspective, but very opinion based, so of course some people took issue with some of what was said, as did I. However, I also thought there was quite a bit of merit to the article. I have wanted to release something on the topic in response to the article or at least on the subject for quite some time now, because I have been pondering this issue for years as a young black woman, and I think I have figured out exactly why many successful black men tend to date white women. So without further ado, here is a more sociological explanation as to why successful black men date white women.

The first reason successful black men may be inclined to date white women is because America is a patriarchy, essentially meaning that men are in charge. Black men have been taught that they are supposed to be leaders and providers in their households and in their communities, but their blackness, historically speaking, overrides their maleness in many ways. For instance, one of the ways used to keep black men down was the idea of their perpetual boyhood. In the Jim Crow south, a 16 year old white kid could see a 56 year old black man and say, “boy what are you doin in my neighborhood,” and the older black gentleman had to answer as respectfully as possible (assuming he didn’t want to be lynched or otherwise punished). What this creates is a race of men who feel constantly emasculated. James Baldwin gets at this in his piece, “Notes of a Native Son,” paying homage to “Native Son” by Richard Wright; however, a really good and more widespread character that illustrates this is Walter Younger in A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry. I hated Walter because of his erratic behavior—particularly the way he talks to his mother—but Lorraine Hansberry had to craft him that way to show how desperate he was and how stifled he felt by society. Walter was being eaten alive inside because he felt like he could be doing so much more for himself and his family, if only he were granted an opportunity. He has this vision of what a man is supposed to be, and because of that vision he is slowly being driven mad by the fact that he cannot be that man the way he wants to be. This is important because while we are past the Civil Rights Era, this has not completely gone away.

The second important reason is gender conditioning, specifically hegemonic masculinity, more or less meaning dominance over women. We raise our men to be a very specific way. They are supposed to be tough, not back down from challenges, not sissies, and a whole host of other things, but here’s the kicker: hegemonic masculinity was never meant for black men. If you are not a young, wealthy, white man, then hegemonic masculinity is not for you, in theory or practice. However, our men don’t know that. So they are being actively taught and subscribing to hegemonic masculinity when hegemonic masculinity was never meant for them. Hegemonic masculinity is designed to craft a particular kind of man, and after all, a black man is just a boy under the patriarchy. Right?

So the Patriarchy + Hegemonic masculinity = Black men trying to be a particular kind of man, aspiring to very specific goals that are all covered in hegemonic masculinity. Many do not ever make it to those goals, but some actually do. Despite all the odds stacked against them, they get the money, the cars, the house, the success. Now all they need is a woman. Which leads to the third reason—how femininity is constructed in America.

Femininity in a nutshell is crafted to be complementary, but not equal to masculinity. This is illustrated by two terms: trophy wife and used goods. Women are like the money, the cars, the clothes, the house: something to be acquired to show off status and that masculine power. No “real” man wants anyone’s secondhand anything. Not only do they want the first pick, but they want the best. So just so we’re clear, a black person is three fifths of a white person and a woman is three fifths of a man.

So let’s combine these three societal conditions to come to a conclusion. When the patriarchy and hegemonic masculinity combine we get emasculated black men. Even the ones who make it still have to deal with these issues, they just have more money and status to cushion the blow. However, they do have the money and status, so now they are looking for a lady to match. Ideally, they want the secretary to their boss; they want the greet at the door with their slippers, alcohol, and dinner on the table chick; they do not want a black chick. They want Cinderella.

Cinderella is supposed to be the princess to end all princesses. She is beautiful, exactly the way our society defines beauty, she does her chores, and she is obedient. Girls have been taught to aspire to be her, and guys have been taught to seek her or someone like her. But black women can’t be Cinderella. We have our own set of issues to deal with, one of which is we can’t afford to be seen and not heard. We have no choice but to demand what is ours and to speak up on our own behalf; because, we are not typically seen as the ideal woman or ideal person deserving of anything; we have to work. We are not seen as something to work for like other women.

So, ultimately we can’t be Cinderella. We don’t match the profile and we couldn’t if we wanted to. But it doesn’t matter, because, men weren’t taught to value an equal partner by society. They weren’t taught to value someone who’s going to offer constructive criticism, and be the partner that’s going to take them to the next level. And they weren’t necessarily taught how to be that person either. This version of gender roles particularly appeals to the emasculated black man who subscribes to hegemonic masculinity; because, if in society you can’t be a man, but you have the status to choose to be the man at home, and you’ve been taught to seek a very particular kind of woman, who are you going to choose? They choose to be with the woman who makes them feel the most empowered, the most in control, and, if nothing else, they choose the most “beautiful.”

She has the look and the characteristics men have been taught to value, and there might be an added satisfaction with the racial difference. On the gender hierarchy men are on top but in the racial hierarchy white people are on top. When the two are put together, it goes white men, white women, and so on down the list, by skin color and then gender. I am not asserting that all black men who date white women are like, “Yes! I have dominion over a white woman. Free at last!” But the Patriarchy and hegemonic masculinity do amount to men feeling the need to dominate women. So I am simply stating that may be a factor.

In short, the reason many successful black men opt to date and marry white women is because they were raised in a patriarchal society that constantly emasculates them, yet they still subscribe to said society’s ideals. So when given the opportunity to achieve those goals, that is exactly what they do, from their car to their woman. Ultimately, white women are just another trophy in the case of their success.

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31 Comments

I think a lot of what Bronx girl says makes sense..although I am white, my fiancé is black and she is more beautiful than any white woman I have ever seen in my life! In my opinion men in general are…how should I say this..afraid or intimidated by a strong and confident woman, and it seems like in my case, my lady is exactly that…a strong and confident woman that will never bow down to me or any other man, regardless of the mans color. And since we are talking race and color…it seems that most of my friends who are black tend to go for white women because, and not in all cases, but they tend to go for white women because a lot of the time it seems easier to control a white woman. Don’t take this the wrong way white women, but in my experience black women are more confident and take a lot less crap from a man than a white woman would..now let me be clear on this..this is my opinion and my experience, you may think differently on this so don’t get mad ladies! All I KNOW is this…my fiancé is the most gorgeous woman I have ever known in my 43 years of living…and won’t take crap from any man..including me. That being said…I hope I take my last breath looking at her…my strong beautiful confident woman…Monique…I love you like no other…

It just occurred to me that many people might actually be missing the sarcastic tone of this article. I don’t agree with a lot of what is said, I’m just stating the facts. I don’t think black people are 3/5ths of a white person and women are three fifths of a man for instance. And I definetely hate Cinderella, and it’s not because she is white. I think many of you are missing my points and should perhaps watch the video that I come out with on the topic, maybe that will clear some things up.

The reason I believe black men date white women is because when he looks in her eyes he doesn’t see his failure to protect her from the horrors of slavery and other on going indignities. He is the only race of men who publicly calls his counterpart hoes, thots, bitches and such . These are the same woman who looks like the woman who birthed him into this world, who holds him down when he has nothing to offer, leaves her with his seed to raise on her own, calls her hoodrat when she has to struggle just to be poor. Yet he has no problem calling her a hoodrat. All while he recycles whatever wealth he attains back into the hands of the white man via his Caucasian or other race woman. All the while labeling her an angry black woman . As far as I’m conerned she can have him and good riddance.

You have very strong opinions here. Part of hegemonic masculinity is in fact degrading women. I didn’t delve into hegemonic masculinity but the same thing can be applied to rap culture. Rap culture epitomizes black men doing exactly what I said in the article when it comes to women but instead of marrying them, they have many women in their videos and rap about having many women, and money, and cars, all to say that they are not just a man, but the man. This doesn’t apply to all black men of course, but many have issues that they are unaware of, simply because they genuienly believe in hegemonic masculinity. Ultimately, rap advertises a brand of masculinity being marketed to youth in lieu of actual values, and young black men turn on their TV’s and may aspire to follow in athletes and rappers footsteps. And no one tells them that perhaps that isn’t the way they have to be to be successful and whole. But when you explain this, you’re a hater or a bitter black woman with too much attitude. You can’t win em’ all. But the most important thing is to always try to see possibilities and multiple factors in situations and not paint people with a broad brush. People are complex, and we should treat them as such. I know not all black men date white women to fight their own feelings of inadequacy or to prove their manhood, but I also know that some do. And the guys with white wives and women will continue feel personally attacked when we say something, like they have to defend their love if it’s true. But keep that strong attitude and opinionated mind. We need to have these discussions before we can all come together.

Right! If that is how alot of black men see us, then be glad they gone. That is ignorance and they are trash. Black American women need to realize their are plenty of non American men who would gladly marry a black woman who got it all together and not call her those names.

Excuse me pardon…you no a reason why black fortuned moove there as to black woman,it because they need a wify doggy to serve them like a god…A second thing is they have no respect for there histories, they forget where the from, in now they think they are important when they live with white woman… I’ am a black woman in i see everything … i think thoses blacks man is a looser…they think having respect by the hightness society,sorry they are just a marrionnet for that society they think have important…that a shame for my blackness law in hystories… looser looser5 and looser agains.

But it isn’t true. Interracial couples with white women/black men are statistically less educated and poorer. Black women who are educated and successful are actually more likely to date outside the race then their male counterparts. I think Black male/White female couples are just in the media more, so we think that is the norm. But if you don’t only look at athletes, the trend totally changes.

Maybe, but this will last until the white woman gets bored of her guy, and then divorces and brings him to the cleaners. Just by looking at the divorce stats, it is clear that white women divorce way more than others. It is certainly not a good choice for a successful Black man to marry a white woman… it’s a bad financial decision.

But if you don’t only look at athletes, the trend totally changes. If you look at doctors, lawyers, and scientists, you’ll find more interracial couples w/ a black female to a white male. So what are we defining as “successful”? Just athletes and rappers it looks like

I agree. Most interracial relationships that I’ve seen are couples with a combined AGI of less than 50k. Every black man I know with an income greater than 70k is with a black women, and most of those women are educated, and this includes me. I know this is a small sample size, but it’s my real life experience with this subject.

The question is not why black men choose white women why do white women choose black men I believe it is the fetch syndrome when the black man accomplish the goal of wealth which is inevitable released by the white man their women retrieve it just a thought

Does it occur to you people that a black man can fall in love with a white woman and or a black woman with a white man . Why dos this have to be discussed. I’m a white woman married to a white man and he is masculine enough for me and I’m in love with him . I do things for him cause I love him and he does the same for me. Maybe you should get out there and see the world as it is and not as it suits you. I’m not a Cinderella type and I’m sorry to dissapoint you. If I ever fall in love with a black man I’m not going to explain anything to black women. I’m pretty sure black man are smart and human enough to not let ignorance and hate get in the way of loving and feeling loved.

Just, maby people fall in love for who they are black or white??? Most people try to analyse race issues and make an issue out of it. Get over it, we are all humans. Start to accept yourself and each other!

Ok this is crap. I hear this all the time. Leave the black men for the black women. Why are you with a black man? For one I am married to a black man, work right beside him do the same work exetra… didn’t get him because he is black, I got him because he treated me better than any other man out there and we click. I’m not a trophy and he isn’t a trophy, and I didn’t get him to possibly off my family either (they love him) so what most of the black women say about us white women who love black men is not true and crap.

Rich black men marry white women because they wanna boost their egos, to go against the norm, prove they can cross the racial boundary, besides they have been raised in some poor struggle sort of a background, n dating a black woman seems like they are not lifted off that low life background and being with a white woman proves to be the meaning of success n that’s not the case. For white women to date a black man, its only for money!!! Because I have never met any white woman who is dating an ordinary working class black men only if he is rich or even famous, how pathetic!

I’m totally broke and in my country many black girls gave me their backs becaouse of that. Now i got a beautiful family with a white woman who love me for who I am not for any material stuff or money. Love has not color .

To the illiterate moron who indicated that black women are ugly as hell……here’s $5 to go buy a brain and use it because to generalize about the aesthetics of an entire race is not beyond pathetic, particularly when there are so many homely, sad looking white women out there.

Moving on to the matter at hand and away from the ignoramus, marriage happens for a number of reasons, and interracial marriage especially. The author paints an important picture, and I know many successful black men who married white women because they can; a lawyer friend of mine said it was just easier. How he defines easy is anyone’s guess since he has not had a happy marriage with any of them but no either my business nor my problem . Other friends of mine have told me that they get whatever they want from white women, whenever, however. Sorry, but that doesn’t sound like love to me, not if someone is just a prop on the stage of your life to either look good, get stuff, or get your way.

What is even more interesting is when these brothers look to cheat on Barbie with the same black women that they wouldn’t marry.

However, I am sure that there are some where it is all and only about love, with color not being a consideration.
We just can’t be blind to the issues that continue to plague black men in America and pretend that every interracial marriage is all sweetness and light and roses because sometimes it is just a mess.

And before anyone decides to assume that I am some angry black woman who was on welfare and doesn’t need a man (as idiot Dem Wal chose to lump all black women), for the record, I am educated, employed, stable and financially secure, living in my own home – married to a black man (whose mother is white). Peace.

I’m white he is black. We met in high school and fell in love. LOVE!!! I didn’t want him because he had money, but he did have ambition. I dated blacks before too, I just like black people. I love black skin, curly hair and pouty lips. It’s what I’m attracted too. And the darker the better! He is attracted to everyone like most men are. I never hear him talking down on black woman and he respects all woman. I have a lot of black friends and family(his side), I see first hand that black men cheat, lie, what ever if they wish on a black or white woman. Men are men, u think race will change his behavior? I think some people, no matter what the color marry for wrong reasons. It will end badly if it happened that way. I personally love my husband for him. Not for what he can do for me, but for him. I think black woman do not respect black men if not raised to. This is a vicious cycle. In conclusion, black woman can have a black man if they want…they just choose not too, high standards. Thinking that highly of yourself will leave you without a life partner because u are supposed to be equals.