The Cook To Bang classic recipe is back in time for Valentines Day. Few recipes are this effective at harnessing the power of gastrosexuality. The Japanese approach everything with perfection in mind from manga to ninjas to oral. Miso cod is no exception. It’s a little sweet, a little savory, and 100% banging. The tender fish breaks off into scrumptious flakes and is complimented by the steamed bok choy. The flavors battle on your tongue in a perfectly choreographed samurai duel. Your date will love you long time.

Step 1
On medium heat, boil the sake and mirin for 20-30 seconds until the alcohol cooks out. Add the miso paste and cook until the chunks dissolve into the liquid. Finally, mix the sugar in and cook until it dissolves. Set the pan aside and allow the miso sauce to cool.
Step 2
If necessary, de-bone the fish fillets. Pat the fillets dry with a paper towel. Slather up the fish with the miso sauce so they are fully coated with miso goodness. Leave the fish in a bowl and cover with saran wrap. Allow the fish to marinate in the miso sauce at least 2½ hours (the longer it marinates, the tastier it will be).
Step 3
When the fish is ready, preheat your oven to broil. Wipe off the excess marinade and place the fillets in a baking ban. Broil the fish until it the surface starts to brown. Remove the pan, and then preheat your oven to 400 degrees F. Throw the fish back in and cook 10-15 minutes longer.
Step 4
While the fish is baking, steam the baby bok choy until the leaves wilt and turn bright green. Mix the soy sauce and lemon in a separate bowl and it toss the steamed bok choy. Serve the fish and bok choy artfully on the plate. Your date should be remarkably wowed.

I generally don’t recommend being bashful and covering up your naughty bits. But for some reason it has been deemed socially unacceptable to prance around naked in public. So when social decorum outweighs your exhibitionist tendencies, you need to figure out a classy way to cover up. Bring on the codpiece! Your most shocking parts will be hidden from view, yet you will leave everyone guessing what you could possibly be packing. And that’s just where you want to be. Apply this same hidden package of awesome theory to the meal you serve to your date. Nothing packs quite a flavor wallop like this black cod dish I made as an afterthought. The task at hand was preparing MISO HORNY COD that has been dropping panties since 2003. But I had leftover cod that required my swift attention lest these beautiful cuts of fish go the way of slap bracelets. So my date the following night was given a rarefied chance to try something new and totally untested. This dish is what follows and thank god for that! Lord knows she was thanking god in her own lascivious way. Read the rest of this entry »

You’ve been rocking that cod all night. Your filet so cooked it’s crispy from all the heat. You’ve ridden it hard and put it away wet. It’s time to put it to bed…of veggies. Welcome to the CTB jungle, baby! You’re gonna die…from an orgasm overdose. This dish overflows with aphrodisiac-loaded potential for seducing even the most prude of Prudences. Sure the price of ingredients ain’t cheap, but you can’t build a rocket to the moon out of sardine cans from the 99cent store. I tried and crash-landed outside of Tijuana where I got a great FISH TACO. This recipe is quality over quantity for that quality someone you really really want. I warn you that it will be rather HARD to determine which orgasm you prefer. The sexual or culinary? Just consider it a multiple orgasm and be done with it.

*Special shout out to master chef Jane for this audaciously awesome recipe.

Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $20, but worth every goddamn penny!
Drinking Buddy: White wine; just drink the rest of the bottle (see below)

Step 1
First you must prep the leeks and Portobello mushrooms that are filthier than your mind. Cut the stem and most of the dark green off the leek, then spilt in half and wash them thoroughly, being sure to wash out the grit between the folds, then chopping thin slices. Peel, filet and dice the carrots. Finally, wash off the Portobello mushroom thoroughly, pull out the stalk gently, scrap out the black gills and chop them into 1-inch thick strips.
Step 2
Heat a large pan on medium-high. Throw in the bacon and cook out all the fat before tossing in the leeks, garlic and carrots and cook them down (approx 5 minutes). Slice the mushroom strips into bite-sized pieces, throw in the salt and cook down further (approx 3 minutes). Dump in the white wine, and turn down heat and allow to simmer while you do Step 3.
Step 3
Take the dried porcini mushrooms and pulverize them in a coffee grinder (if you don’t have grinder, use mortal & pestle, or chop with knife). Throw the shroom dust in a deep container and rub each side of the black cod in it. Heat the olive oil up in another pan on high heat and throw on the coated cod filets cooking each side until crispy before flipping (3 minutes each side). Serve each filet over a bed of veggies.