Ya’ll know June is Gay Pride month, right? And if you don’t believe me, ask President Obama. He made the official declaration again this year on May 28th, 2010.
As you may also know, he is the first president in our glorious history to do so. So hurray for him! And an even bigger hurray for all us queer folk on this 41st anniversary of the birth of the modern gay rights movement.

I have a knock-you-out line up of guest for this special month. And to kick things off, so to speak, we take another audio field trip. I have the distinct pleasure of welcoming another Seattle-based personality, the veritable Queen of Kink Couture, Tonya Winter. We visit with her in her cavernous new workspace, don’t cha know.

And you should also know that you’re getting a double bang for your buck today, because Tonya is another twofer. She is here as part of the Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast series as well as The Erotic Mind series. So yeah for that!

That’s right, sex fans, now it’s so easy to see what hot and what’s not in the world of adult products. I review of all kinds of adult related goodies — sex toys for sure, but also condoms, lubes, herbal products, fetish gear as well as educational and enrichment videos. DON’T MISS A SINGLE ONE!

Name: Stanford
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Green Bay
I was wondering if you have any suggestions for a homemade dildo?

Do you actually want to craft a dildo yourself? Or is this more a question about what might be readily available to safely bugger yourself with?

If you want to make one yourself, there are several “Make-your-own-dildo” kits out there. You can find them online. They supply you with everything you need to make a latex dildo cast of your own dong. And from that the dildo is made. How fun! But wait, what if you are princess tiny-meat? Cloning your you own willie will satisfy no one, no how. Unless you know someone with a more ample endowment that will lend you his hog for the mold, this is probably not the way for you to go.

A trip to the supermarket might be your next best bet. People have been stuffing fruits and vegetables in every possible orifice for as long as there have been fruits and vegetables…and orifices to stuff. Bananas, zucchini, corn cobs, cucumbers, and well the list goes on and on. One word of caution, make sure that whatever you’re poppin’ in your pooper is long enough that you can keep hold of it while you are workin’ your magic. You definitely don’t want it to let whatever slip past your sphincter and lodge itself inside your rectum. There’s nothing more embarrassing than a trip to the emergency room to have someone fish whatever you got in there out of you bum.

If you’re the least bit competent as a woodworker you could fashion something pleasurable from a hardwood, like maple or oak. The do-it-yourself craftsman will be able to make the exact size he needs and wants. He’ll take pride in sanding, buffing and curing his creation with olive oil before use.

No woodturning tools? Not to worry. A trip to the local Homo Depot may be the answer. Look for wooden dowels. They come in many widths and lengths. Since doweling is often made of a softer wood, the dildo craftsman will be able to round off the top of the dowel using a rasp with relative ease. But because the wood is soft, he’ll have to seal his creation in a smooth varathane or polyurethane finish. Never, ever insert uncured or unfinished wood. Besides the danger of splinters, untreated wood is very porous and you’ll never get the damned thing clean after the first use.

Another word of caution; some people are allergic to various materials or polishes. So test all materials first.

Here’s a dildo-making project just about anyone can do. Make your own beanie baby dildo. You will need several latex condoms, water based lube and whole dried beans or peas. Take a condom fill it with the dried beans and/or peas and tie off the end. Coat the condom with lube and slip it into another condom and tie that one off too. If you want to be super-safe, add a third condom. The beauty part of using dried peas or beans is that, should the condoms break while you’re pleasuring yourself and you lose some of the contents in your love cave, you’ll be able to eliminate them with ease with your next bowel movement. And there’s nothing toxic in dried beans!

But what if you want something more stiff? Building a dildo out of modeling clay might be the answer. You can find this material at your local crafts store. You can be very creative with the shape and size. You’ll also be able to flare the end of the thing so there won’t be a worry of it getting past your sphincter. Before the clay dries, consider pressing dried beans into the shaft for some added texture. Once your new phallus is completely dry you can finish it with a polyurethane seal. However, I encourage you to use a condom over your newly created cock substitute. Even with a sealed dildo like this one.

Name: Heidi & Werner
Gender: couple
Age: 32 & 34
Location: Arizona
My husband and I have been married for 12 years, we love each other very much. About five years into our marriage, while on a retreat for couples, we discovered we are both bisexual. As a consequence we gave each other permission to explore our same-sex interests. For the most part this has worked out really well. At this point in our marriage, however, we’d like to move beyond the casual semi-furtive affairs we’ve been having and embrace polyamory. Problem is we don’t know any other people who are living in successful polyamorous relationships. Is polyamory a viable option even for a few lucky souls?

Congratulations on living a successful marriage, especially since you guys are taking such a non-traditional approach. That can’t be easy. I wish there was a way the two you could bottle whatever it is that you apparently have in spades that allows you to make such an honest assessment of yourselves and your marriage. You must be remarkable people. I’m so glad that you took the time to write.

As a matter of fact, I know a bunch of very successful, long-lasting polyamorous relationships. Most are comprised of people already on the sexual fringe — queer folk, currant and former swingers and kinksters. However, they all tend to keep the dimensions of their relationships relatively private. It takes a lot of psychic energy to live polyamorously, exponentially more than in a traditional marriage. This tends to leave less psychic energy for flying in the face of the popular culture. Of course the down side of this is there are, as you suggest, few good public role models for polyamory.

Connecting with other like-minded people is less of a challenge these days than in years past thanks to the marvels of the internets, don’t cha know. And being bisexuals, as you are, my make things even easier. I suppose you know this already, but for those in my audience who don’t, polyamory is not the same thing as swinging. Swinging is more about recreational or sport sex; partners having consensual casual sex with others, either other couples or individuals. Swinging is also generally a heterosexual phenomenon. Female bisexual behavior is allowed and even encouraged. The same cannot be said about male bisexual behavior. This seems like an unfortunate double standard to me, but in this respect swinging reflects traditional sexual mores.

Polyamory, on the other hand, connotes more of an emotional bond, a relationship that exceeds pure sport fucking. But not surprisingly many polyamorous relationships evolve from more casual swinger connections. So let’s not knock that.

If you both are seriously into polyamory you’ll have an easier time of it too. The downfall of many budding polyamorists has to do with the reservations one or another in the couple may have about the lifestyle. The one with reservations may play along for a while thinking that this new venture will grow on him/her, but it doesn’t. Some folks are monogamous and it’s breed in the bone. Others are non-monogamous, equally breed in the bone. Trying to convert one or the other to an alternative way of thinking is simply not gonna happen.

The big bugaboo in any type of relationship will be jealousy. You guys seem to have avoided that poison, and again congratulations. The couples retreat you mentioned my have provided you the communication tools you needed to open yourselves to one another in an honest and forthright way. These communication skills will be particularly useful in forming polyamorous relationships too. Whatever the configuration of your future relationships, all parties must allow for and invite an honest and open exchange about passions, desires and needs. And from time to time each individual in the polyamorous relationship will prioritize these things differently. Expect lots of diversity. For more about this see my friend, polyamorous proDOM, Mistress Matisse’s column HERE!

There’s no “one way” to be polyamorous. Some people express their polyamory by having one primary partnership with one or more satellite relationships. They prefer monogamy with one partner but have an open relationship with others. Some polyamorists live in triads or loosely structured groups. Some people express their polyamory by having all partners and lovers as part of an extended family— raising kids together and taking care of elders together. Strong polyamorous relationships carried a number of my closest friends through the worst of the AIDS crisis in the mid 80’s. While you guys seem pretty clear on what you want for yourselves, you may want to be on the lookout for potential partners with incompatible passions needs and desires.

As we all know, a big part of effective communication in a relationship is exploring and expressing feelings. Another part, one that is often overlooked, is the art of negotiation. How do partners and lovers negotiate for what they need and want? “I want to try something new with someone new.” “My lover and I need some private time.” Mature people are flexible, but they also have healthy boundaries. Giving your partner the freedom to share him/herself intimately with others as he/she desires is easier when it is based on the guidelines that you and your partner agree to first. Of course these will need to be readjusted from time to time as new situations evolve.

A secret to successful polyamory is working to maintain a strong primary partnership, in your case, with each other. The more comfortable and secure you guys are with one another, the easier it will be for you to free one another up for others. When the primary relationship is healthy and safe, the polyamorous relationship will add to the support structure, not diminishes it.

Interestingly enough, not all polyamorous relationships are sexual in nature. For example, one person in the group relationship may have a sexual connection with another, while that person enjoys a platonic relationship with that someone else.

One thing for certain, you guys will have to decide what sort of people will be positive additions to your lives. And that will entail a good deal of trial and error. Like my daddy always used to say, “ya gotta walk through a lot of manure before you find the pony.” Remember not everyone who aspires to polyamory is capable of it, nor is everyone one who is capable of being polyamorous suited to be with everyone else who is.

For more about this timely topic I refer you to the two podcasts I did with the insanely marvelous Cunning Minx of PolyWeekly. Look for them HERE and HERE!

We’re back with the oh so charming visual artist, Sean-Z. This is Part 2 of our enlightening conversation. Did you somehow miss Part 1? Not to worry! Use the search function on the sidebar, type in Podcast #145 and Presto! But don’t forget to include the #sign when you do the search.

Sean shares his thoughts on numerous topics surrounding his erotic creations as part of The Erotic Mind podcast series. As you know, I’ve been chatting with noted erotic artists, both visual and literary, from all over the place in an effort to try to uncover something of the creative process involved in this specialized art form. And Sean does not disappoint. Besides being terribly thought provoking, he is also amazingly funny. Brains, talent and a sense of humor; oh baby, oh baby, you make me so hot!

We have a whole bunch of new Pjur products to introduce you to, so many new ones, in fact, that it will take us two weeks.

Everyone who reads our reviews regularly will already know we’re in the tank for Pjur. Just take a look at some of our previous reviews HERE and HERE!

Or just use the site’s search function, to your right. Type in Pjur; and presto!

For those of you who are new to Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews, here’s the lowdown on Pjur (pronounced “pure”). It’s a German company that has been serving the US market since 1995. We think they are, hands down, the world’s best personal lubricants, sexual enhancers, and hygiene aids. To make sure you’re getting the real deal, look for the yellow dot on the package.

We have four products to tell you about today. But since they fall neatly into two categories we’ll review them that way. Review crew members, Angie and Carlos are here with their respective assessments.Pjur Backdoor Anal Comfort Spray $22.95
An exceptional anal spray designed for men. Key ingredient, lauromacrogol*, lightly desensitizes the anal sphincter to increase his anal pleasure. No lydocaine or benzocaine. Only a few sprays needed per application.

Pjur Backdoor Relaxing Anal Glide $22.95
Long-lasting silicone anal lube designed for men specifically to enhance the pleasure of anal intercourse. Like Pjur AnalyseMe!, but with a higher concentration of ingredients. Jojoba extracts help relax the anal sphincter enhancing the experience. Perfect for use in combination with Pjur Backdoor Anal Comfort Spray.

Carlos:
I’ve wanted to try these products since I began seeing them online. What. it must be a year ago by now. I’m pretty much still learning to explore my ass and so these products have helped me a lot by boosting my confidence.

My situation is different from a lot of guys I know. I’m married to a great woman who I love deeply. I’m also bisexual. My wife has been very supportive of me investigating my queer identity, so I’m thankful for that. She has no interest in pegging me. She thinks the whole idea of a strap-on is ridiculous. So that leaves me with the option of getting into my ass only with a male partner. It always has to be safe sex, of course.

However, the opportunities to play with a man are few and far between. Thus the need for a confidence building measure likes the Backdoor products. I have to use a lot of lube for anal play of any sort, so why not use one that will desensitizes my butt in the process. Makes perfectly good sense to me.

Backdoor Relaxing Anal Glide is very slick compared to a lot of the other water-based lubes I’ve tried. And you have to have a water-based lube when you’re using a latex condom.

I have the greatest confidence in the Pjur product line to bring me the highest quality lubes without all the chemical additives found in other similar products. Pjur products are dermatologist tested.

The promotional materials for the Backdoor line of products says it’s more concentrated, thus more powerful I guess, than the Pjur AnalyseMe! product. I can’t testify to that, because I haven’t had an opportunity to test them side-by-side. But you can read Mick and Chuck’s review HERE.

Pjur MyGlide Stimulating & Warming Lubricant $22.95
Water based personal lubricant and sexual enhancement product designed for women who desire more pleasure. Ginseng provides a natural stimulating and warming effect thus maximizing her sexual experience. Perfect for use in combination with Pjur MyGlide Stimulation Spray.

Pjur MySpray Stimulation Spray $22.95
A refreshingly different intimacy spray for women. This new formulation contains a unique blend of ingredients designed to stimulate vaginal blood circulation for ultimate arousal, enhancing the sexual experience. Only a few sprays needed per application.

Angie:
I turned 48 this past May. For the last year or so, I’ve been looking into a variety of things that I hoped would assist me in regaining my libido. I’m chalking this libido loss to growing older and the onset of menopause. I realize that I’m experiencing menopause somewhat earlier than most of my friends, which make the event all the more worrisome.

My husband is kind and generous and will often treat me to a backrub when I’m not in the mood. But I know he would rather be more intimate than that. I often feel bad putting him off as frequently as I do; that’s why I’ve been engaged in this search for libido enhancing products.

The lubricant has a double effect; it both arouses and warms. And it does so with out harsh chemicals that would irritate sensitive skin like mine. I’ve tried other “warming” lubes and gels, but couldn’t tolerate any of them. MyGlide Stimulating & Warming Lubricant is water-based, which is my lubricant of choice. It’s so much easier to clean up than silicone-based lubes.

Using a personal lubricant is all the more important now that I’m menopausal. I never used to have to worry about dryness all that much in the past. So I figure, why not use a stimulating lube since I have to use a lube anyway. MyGlide Stimulating & Warming Lubricant provides just that, a wonderful tingly and warming sensation throughout my genitals.

The MySpray Stimulation Spray works in a different way than does the lubricant. It also provides a tingly sensation that feel like champagne bubbles on my skin. It’s really fun, I must confess. The combination of the lubricant and spray improves blood flow and circulation in my genitals and assists me with sexual arousal.

Today we’re back at Seattle’s very own Sharma Center with its oh so charming Executive Directors, John and Deanna. And we’re all together to bring you Part 2 of our chat about Swinging, Polyamory and Open Relationships.

If you somehow missed Part 1 of this insightful discussion look for last week’s podcast #127 on the Dr Dick’s Podcast Page. You’ll find that tab at the top of this page. Or you can use my site’s search function. Just type in Podcast #127 and don’t forget the # sign.

This is part of my Sex EDGE-U-cation podcast series, don’t cha know. Where we take a look at the world of fetish sex, kink and alternative sexual lifestyles; and chat with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world.