Alexander Graham Bell

Hey remember that asshole Alexander Graham Bell, the guy who invented the telephone?

WHAT?

The man invented the telephone and helped teach Helen Keller. How could he be an asshole?

First, the man had an odd obsession with deaf people. His mom was deaf. He worked with Helen Keller. His wife was deaf too. My guess is he loved to talk dirty but felt guilty about it. He had an Unresolved deaf Oedipus complex (which was what Def Leppard was called before they got famous).

Then there’s the true dick move of stealing. Graham Bell didn’t invent the telephone. An Italian man did that, but he made the mistake of filing the patents at Western Union. Guess who worked there?

You guessed it. World class asshole Alexander Graham Bell, who made certain that the sketches of the telephone and the original patent information were lost (allegedly).

He went on to reap untold millions, presumably hiring an entire harem of deaf girls for him to abuse…