Project Dream, Own, Tell

Frequently Asked Questions from Young People:

How do I know if I am in a healthy or unhealthy relationship?

Having a healthy relationship means you feel trusted, supported, and respected. The core ingredients of healthy relationship are: good communication; mindful behavior; respecting boundaries. To have a healthy relationship it is important that you establish good communication and boundaries that will allow partners to express what they are comfortable and not comfortable with, and develop a deeper understanding for one another.

Having good communication means:

Speaking openly and respectfully about each other’s thoughts and feelings

Listening to each other with an open mind, without criticizing, and learning to compromise

Celebrating each other’s accomplishments

Respecting personal space (E.g., spending time with family and friends)

Trusting each other and not requiring constant check-ins or proof of faithfulness including requiring access to social media

Not pressing your partner to do things they do not want to do

It is true that there will always be some conflict in a relationship. However, there are red flags and signs that are indicative of an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Below are a few signs to watch out for:

Requiring constant check-ins such including excessive calling or texting

Controlling behaviors, such as searching through partner’s phone or social media, isolating partner by not letting them spend time with friends or family

Asking for proof of faithfulness; and/or justifying jealousy or possessiveness as love

Not respecting personal space or boundaries

Abusive or aggressive behaviors including manipulation (e.g., playing mind games); threats, coercion, hitting, slapping, stalking etc. For a fuller list of red flags in dating and/ or hookup relationship, check out this link from Love is Respect.

If you feel you are in an unhealthy relationship and need help, you can call Day One’s Confidential Helpline at 800.214.4150 or text (646) 535-DAY1 (3291). You can find them on the web here.

Why is important to practice consent in a relationship?

Consent is as simple as giving or receiving permission. It’s not a brand new skill we need to learn. In fact we practice consent all the time in our day-to-day interactions. In a relationship – whether you are going out, hooking up or dating, consent is all about communication between partners it’s a way to make sure you have mutual agreement. Whether it’s hugging, kissing, holding hands, or engaging in sexual activity, it is important to check in with your partner and have an open conversation about what you feel comfortable with and what you do not. If you are not used to talking about sex, expressing what you feel comfortable with or worried that talking about or asking for consent can be awkward, check out the Love is Respect’s tips on how to practice consent without ruining the moment.

I sent a nude/explicit photograph to my ex-partner and am afraid they are going to share it. What should I do?

The sharing of sexually explicit photos without your consent is considered revenge porn or non-consensual pornography. This may include images obtained without your consent either by hacking into or stealing them from your phone, the use of hidden cameras, or filming a sexual act. Nonconsensual pornography may also include images that were obtained with your permission and are later shared without your consent.

If you have concerns about whether your images have been shared, what next steps to take, or where to get help, you can reach the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative at 844-878-CCRI (2274) for assistance. You may also check out their FAQ section to find out detailed information to your questions.

What is sexual violence?

Sexual violence is any action or behavior that forces another person to perform a sexual act they do not want to engage in. Sexual abuse also includes actions that prohibit another person from deciding what happens during sexual activity, including preventing access or use of birth control or condoms. Sexual violence includes:

Unwanted touching, kissing or any sexual act

Pressuring another person to perform a sexual act

Sexual activity with unconscious person who is unable to agree to a sexual act due to drugs or alcohol

Force sexual intercourse, also known as rape

Where can I go for help?

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, or unsure if the relationship is an abusive one, you can call the Day One helpline at 800.214.4150 or text (646) 535-DAY1 (3291). You can also visit our survivor resources page for information and services in the New York City area. You can also contact the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474.

Sharing our experiences can have transformative powers. If you are survivor, service provider and/or loved one of someone who has experienced sexual violence, we want to hear from you. Submit your story on our community blog.

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