10 Toxic Relationship Habits We Mistake As Healthy

How many of these 10 toxic relationship habits do you have? It’s time to stop mistaking them for healthy and instead see them for what they really are.

Being together all the time It might feel like you and your partner just can’t get enough of each other because you’re so in love, but this is what we call codependency. Sure, spending time with the person you love is wonderful and necessary, but it can easily veer off into toxicity if it’s taken too far. It’s better to give each other space and have a separate, independent life of your own as well. Having your own passion, hobbies, and support systems is crucial.

Keeping score Keeping a mental note of every time your partner pisses you off is one of the worst things you can do for your relationship. Keeping score means that you’re not letting things go or showing true forgiveness; instead, you’re just clinging to resentment. Do yourself a favor and forgive and forget. Let your partner be a human. If you can’t, you shouldn’t be with them.

Giving gifts as apologies If you and your partner only exchange gifts when you’ve been in a fight or one of you has messed up, that’s not a good sign. Fights should be mended with words and actions, not material things. Otherwise, you’re just going to hate gifts from your partner, associating them with all the times they’ve made a mistake. Try sitting down and talking things out next time.

Making assumptions Assuming that you know what your partner is thinking is a deep rabbit hole that you don’t want to fall down. Take texting, for example—it’s very easy for things to get misconstrued. It’s hard to read tone through a text, so it’s better to get clarification and give each other the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming the worst.

Being in touch constantly At first, it may seem cute that you and your partner are in constant contact, always texting each other throughout the day without pause. This gets old very quickly, though, and is a sure sign that you’re codependent. Where’s the magic when you’re never away from each other long enough to have a life of your own? What do you two talk about later when you’re actually together?

Saying everything you think out loud This is pretty easy to mistake as healthy because it seems as if being completely honest would be a good thing. However, there are definitely things that should be kept to yourself. Much of what we think at any given time is total garbage and doesn’t reflect reality or how we’re really feeling. Because of that, it wouldn’t make sense to spit out every little thought troubling your mind. It pays to keep your mouth zipped sometimes.

Changing for your partnerSure, there are compromises and little tweaks that should be made in relationships, but overhauling everything that makes you who you are is inappropriate and a recipe for disaster. Instead, walk away if someone is looking for you to change that much.

Taking responsibility for your partner’s happiness or depending on them for yours This screams codependency and not having boundaries. Each person is responsible for their own happiness in the relationship and in life. No one else can control that. Wanting to make things all better may seem like a kind move but it’s a pointless one. It’s better to just let the other person feel how they feel and instead do your best to contribute to their happiness rather than control it.

Being “lovingly” jealous Jealousy is natural and it happens to the best of us. What isn’t natural is going full-on crazy in the name of being lovingly jealous. If someone’s saying “I’m only this way because I care about you,” you’ve got a problem. It isn’t a healthy thing no matter what justifications your partner is making. Instead, it’s good to cope with jealousy by talking to trusted friends or professionals. Let that steam out with someone other than your partner.

Never going to bed mad Seems like it might be a good policy in theory, but it’s not in reality. There are times when people are just too full of steam to be able to talk about things in a kind way. Just as sometimes it’s better to walk away temporarily, it can be better to just sleep on the fight that you’re having. There’s a good chance that one of you will feel differently in the morning and you can have a level-headed conversation.

Ginelle Testa
Ginelle Testa's an avid wordsmith. She's a queer gal whose passions include recovery/sobriety, social justice, body positivity, and intersectional feminism. In the rare moments she isn't writing, you can find her holding her own in a recreational street hockey league, thrifting eclectic attire, and imperfectly practicing Buddhism. Follow her on Insta!