Touching on So Much

The inimitable Cara Sutra wrote one of the most comprehensive posts on masturbation that I've ever seen! She covers ideas around stigma, shame, religion, insults, and much more. She covers a lot of ground on why we have such a difficult time with such an individual act. As we move to a more healthy understanding of sex and masturbation, it is important to remember that many people are struggling with sex on a personal level, nevermind an interpersonal one. We’ve got generations of negative connotations to fight back against, and posts like Cara’s can make a tremendous difference in helping us all enter a new age. Yet it isn’t all serious! Cara also provides some awesome ideas for how you can enjoy your me time in May.

At Any Age

Along with masturbation, another misguided notion about sex that is being broken down is the idea that older folks and seniors don’t or shouldn’t be thinking sexy thoughts or acting on them. In reality, seniors, sex, and masturbation really do go hand in hand. The always fabulous Joan Price wonderfully explains the many reasons older folks can and should be masturbating if it suits their needs and desires. Sexual pleasure knows no age bounds, and some people will have specific reasons to masturbate. They may not be able to achieve sexual pleasure with their partners or they may not have partners. Also, their own physical abilities might make masturbation the best option for older folks. Besides, if she’s going to throw pictures of Jeffrey Dean Morgan around, we’re not complaining!

A How-to?

Most of the time, I’m not really fond of generalizations when it comes to sex and individual experiences. However, as a cis-male with a penis, I am inclined to agree with the idea that masturbation does come easier for people with bodies similar to mine. It was almost like there was a magnet embedded in both my hand and my cock. From what I’ve read, though, people who have a vulva can experience a more complicated route to discovering what actions best provide them sexual pleasure. If this describes your experience, I am passing on this article offering tips on how to masturbate. After speaking with with vulva-having friends, they do believe it offers some good advice.

Uh, Everyone?

Let’s just back to generalizations and stereotypes. I’m not going to say that the experiences collected in this article about who men fantasize about when they masturbate is untrue...but do you notice anything about it that seems odd? It seems guys think about their friends, their exes, their currents, celebrities of both sexes, porn, mainstream cinema, and even strangers. Who the hell else is there? Again, I’m not denying that these happen, but it would have been entirely possible to sum this article up with one sentence: Men think about people while they masturbate. While it isn’t entirely overt, this piece feeds into the negative portrayal of men and sex.

End Shame for Girls

Let’s touch back on the subject of stigma and shame when it comes to masturbation, particularly when it affects girls and young women. UnSlut founder Emily Linden provides an excellent discussion on the very negative ways we present masturbation to girls and young women. With boys and young men, masturbation is treated as a joke and cause of ridicule. However, it is still widely-accepted that they’re going to do it. Girls, on the other hand, masturbation is either not discussed or presented in a way that clearly presents it as something good girls don’t do. This shame pushed on a natural and enjoyable act does so much to girls and sets the stage for them doubting the validity of their own pleasure in sex and other aspects of their lives. This must change.

Is That Your Longsword?

Finally, I had a hard time believing this when I first read the headline, but it seems there is one television show that manages to draw viewers away from porn. I know, right? That seems entirely improbable, as porn is made of, essentially, the same stuff as black holes (this *may* not be scientifically accurate). For those who like porn, it can be an irresistible force. However, Game of Thrones does actually put a dent in the number of users PornHub has while it is on. Because true analytics correlating porn and television viewership is fairly new, we don’t know if Cheers or Beverly Hills, 90210 or Everybody Loves Raymond ever had the same effect. However, there does also seem to be a rush, right after an episode airs, to search for specific characters. Time to release those dragons!

Jon Pressick is a sex-related media mogul. He's a writer, editor, publisher, broadcaster, event organizer, workshop facilitator, and general gadabout. He's also the winner of the 2010 TNT Favourite Adult Journalist Award and one of Broken Pencil's 50 People and Places We Love, co-host and producer of Sex City and the editor of Best Sex Writing of the Year.