Feeling needy and Annoyed

So this week i found out I am pregnant. I am about 4 1/2 weeks. But here’s the thing….i miss my husband. You want to know where my husband is? He’s in the next room. Yup that’s right. I can hear him texting and I can see he’s feet as he’s layed out on the couch. He is just MIA for me emotionally right now. He works nights…so when he gets home in the morning I’m gone. He has another job that he does for about 3 hours a day during the week day. But the weekends he’s off. He doesn’t work the weekends. But he’s always unavailable. He’s busy with everything else but me. He’s joined some fantasy football and fantasy basketball league. …and apparently all his free time is devoted to that. I’m upset. What about us? What about our time? It feels like he’d rather do anything but spend quality time with me. He’s even taking on extra shifts at work, and working on Thanksgiving. I’m kind of hurt by this. Why would anyone choose to work on Thanksgiving? Why would you do that to me? Maybe I’m just emotional cuz I’m pregnant. But I’m upset. I feel ignored, and pushed to the back burner.

Have you talked to him about how you are feeling? Does he know you are pregnant? Just try to tell him, even if you are being emotional from the pregnancy, he needs to know that and will probably try to show you. Just try to tell him as calmly as you can. If he doesn’t know, he can’t change his plans to be with you.

absolutely_tati: is it possible he’s working extra hours to afford baby? As for time for you, that sucks! I think you need to talk to him about his time management. Seems like he works an awful lot and probably wants to decompress when he’s home. So you need to find a way he can set aside some time for Two of you.

bmo88: I told him I wanted some attention from him, he told me that I’m being needy while the game is on. He said he’s working extra shifts to have money for Christmas gifts and to help him get a new car faster. I have not told him about pregnancy just yet, I wanted to surprise him and make it a special moment for him since i know this is very important to him. I don’t expect him to spend all his time with me. But I just wanted some attention. I’ve clearly picked an inconvenient time for this, in his mind.

I don’t know how old you guys are but you have to remember that men and women process things very differently. Women worry about emotions and relationships and men worry about finances first. It does seem that he is thinking that by the multiple jobs, working Thanksgiving, etc and providing for you and your unborn child. He may be scared and just trying to keep himself busy until he can process it all.

It’s still new information for him to process so here’s what I suggest:

Talk to him in a non-emotional way. Do not attack him for his actions nor how he may feel.

Start off and end with something positive with your concerns in the middle. (Eg-tell him you love him and are excited about your future. You so appreciate all his hard work and putting in extra effort for both of you.

Ask him how he is feeling and his thoughts – and listen! Let him talk without interruption.

Then tell him how you need some emotional support and would like to talk about it and other things.

Suggest a certain amount of undivided attention say 1/2 hr a day, that you guys have no electronics on and just talk, catch up, cuddle, whatever. You realize he’s trying to support you, but you need his emotional support as well.

Be clear about how you feel and what you need from him right now.

Then don’t forget to end with something positive about him and you guys.

Remember not to accuse or attack for how he is now. He will only get defensive and tune you out.

Ok… Now that you said he doesn’t know. Think of a cute way to tell him. When you know he will be home tomorrow night, plan a nice dinner, have candles lit, maybe a cute baby outfit or shoes wrapped up and give him as a gift or a baby football? Or whatever he likes. A onsie that says I love Daddy is a cute idea too. Make it special. CREATE the moments you want.

absolutely_tati: honey you need to tell him. Right now you’re processing all the info with this one big piece of news (you’re pregnant! Congratulations!) so you’re filtering everything through that. He thinks it’s business as usual so he’s processing all the info like that. IF you tell him and he still acts this way then come back here and tell us about it so you can vent. But venting about your husband’s behavior when he doesn’t know crucial stuff is not ok, hormones or no hormones.

Soon2ElopeBee: I’ll tell him tomorrow. He’s gone to work right now. It’s not news i want share via text or phone call. Even if i wasn’t pregnant, and he told me i was being needy while the game is on…. I’d still be annoyed by it. I’d still want and need some attention from him.