Sunday, January 16, 2011

This is Me Pretending to Talk to Someone

I.DO.NOT.HAVE.VERY.HIGH.STANDARDS.

Ok, now, it's boggling me. I have been (very) single for almost 8 months now. I have been (very) heartbroken for about 4 out of those 8 months. But well yeah, I moved on, eventually, and it's been pretty good. Actually, that isn't really what I want to talk about. HAHA.

Around December, my sister went on a (mini) heartbreak. Ok, fine. Maybe it wasn't that "mini." She moped around and was so much of a snob she snaps at me when I tease her. I knew then she wasn't taking the breakup very lightly. I think she's been with the guy since August 2010. Anyway, I did my sisterly duties and took her out with my bestfriend in tow just to amuse her a bit because I really don't like seeing people's heart break right after I experienced it. However, right after New Year, she was already hopping about being really giggly over a new guy, and I was like "What the hell?!"

How did she move on just like that?! And why is it that she already found a boy in such a short span of time?! What am I doing wrong?!

And so we go back to what I have written first: I do not have very high standards.

I was thinking, "Do I really have high standards?" No, really. Ask me, and I'll tell you that I only look for two things: (1) He should be smart and (2) He should be funny. Bad thing about this is that this combination seldom comes around.

I wish falling in love is easy enough for me. I have crushes all the freakin' time. I can just sit beside someone who smells really nice, and I'll rave about him for weeks. But I guess, I just don't jump into relationships fast enough. In my 24 years, I've only had two boyfriends, both long-term ones. Nothing shorter than 2 and a half years.

That is probably it. When I decide to be with someone, I do not think, "Ok, I'm just here because I am all giggly now." I don't. When I choose someone, I have thought it over and really hard, too. I am going to be here for the long haul. I will put up with him even if he annoys me sometimes. I am going to stick around even through the bad times. I will love him more than anyone else in this world. And I promise to give him time, and we're going to go watch fireworks together. When I am someone's girlfriend, I am that person's girlfriend. He will never even doubt it. And I am always there.

However, I just wish I fall in love easy enough. Sometimes, I feel like I am already so close to deciding to be with someone and then all of a sudden he does something and I'm like "Okaaay. I don't like that." I turn my back and then that's it. It is then that I know, I wasn't in love yet. Because when I am in love, I am in love. Every little thing he does is magic. Every little thing just turns me on. Okaaay. Let's not sing. But you guys get the point, right? There was even a time when I watch my ex park the freakin' car because I think he looks so coooool and cute when he does that. And I'll be there sitting beside him with a very (what I assume to be) stupid smile on my face. I just get so amazed when I am in love, and it doesn't even take much to amaze me. Just look at that: he just parked the car.

I wish I can say they just don't woo me enough, but they do. I would have to say that I am very lucky when it comes to suitors. They are so persistent, really. They do all kinds of stuff: write me letters, poems, songs, bring me water when I run out of water for my bath, buy me flowers, shoes, clothes, take me out to lunches and dinners, take care of me when I am sick, just do all sorts of crazy stuff to make sure I am happy and not starving (hehe). And I really wish I can just fall in love with these people just like that or just choose any one of them because I know they'll really take good care of me. But somehow, I find something (sometimes, something really small) and then it's over. I have decided, and it's a no.

I don't really know where this blog post is going anymore. I just wish that I finally meet someone or that I finally spend just enough time with someone who will amaze me again. And then we'll fall in love, and it will be glorious.