Tryhards For Trump

Remember back in 1986 when America was truly great? Back when my homeboy Reagan was in office? Back when Top Gun was atop the movie charts? Back before Barack ***HUSSEIN*** Obama was slinging handouts like some sort of primitive, hand-cranked, Muslim-Kenyan handout machine? Back when Michael Jackson was getting tossed the “Song of the Year” Gramophone instead of tossing off the kid from Home Alone?

Of course you don’t, because you weren’t alive back then and neither was I. That doesn’t matter, though, because you don’t need to have been living back then to know that it’s time to make America as great as we have been told it used to be — again!!!

Hey there. I’m (in the process of changing my name to) Bates Kenilworth Worthington IX, and I’m a proud, patriotic, dick-swinging, God-fearing, beer-chugging, sex-having American man, and I wholeheartedly support Donald Trump in his bid for president of these United States of America. I’m here to tell you why you should, too. Before I get into why Trump is a necessary addition to the White House, though, a little about my background and myself.

I’m just a down-home, country, good ol’ boy from a suburb of the prideful, tradition-heavy southern city of Tampa, Florida, where the whiskey flows like the nether regions of the numerous chicks I take to Plowtown, USA (population: 8 ropes in your eye), the river behind my family’s opulent lake house, and cash into my bank account. You ever been charged an overdraft fee? That’s NF. Last week I got charged an underdraft fee. The bank got pissed at me because I had so much money in my account that they didn’t know what to do with it all. I would’ve brought up how it makes no sense to take my money as a penalty for giving them too much of my money to work with, but the $1,350 fee was just a drop in the bucket for me, so I didn’t bother.

Sure, some morons might hear my story and call me a “tryhard.” But, in my opinion, that’s a much more honorable title to have than its opposite. What is the opposite of a tryhard, anyhow? A do-little? That would make sense, seeing as losers who don’t try hard enough usually end up living aimless, virgin lives where they have to talk to, and fuck, animals in lieu of girls. If there’s one thing I hate in this beautiful world that God has gifted us, it’s virgins. Needless to say (but I am going to say it anyways, to reiterate), I am not a virgin.

Do I sound like someone you can relate to, besides the fact that I have more money, get more women, and can down more 24-year single malt scotch than you (both because I can afford more of said scotch and because I have a higher alcohol tolerance)? Good – then let’s get down to brass tacks. Actually, scratch that. Brass is a peasant metal. I don’t fuck with alloys. Platinum tacks only over here. Platinum blondes only, too (to have sex with, of course).

We need Trump to be president because, unlike the soft-spoken pussy willows currently running this country, he’s willing to tell it like it is. There’s no sugar coating from the Don. Every hot take he has is 100% based in fact, too. He’s the epitome of logic. Our women are getting raped, and there are illegal Mexicans in our country? Put two and two together, America. TOO SLOW! Trump, in all his speedy benevolence, already did it for us. Somebody’s raping our women, and “somebody” includes, but is not limited to, Mexicans. That’s just straight transitive property right there, a concept that many highly esteemed smart people think is pretty cool (AKA virgins think it is dumb).

Are the Mexicans raping our women? Donald didn’t say that. If they aren’t, though, why are they so hesitant to build us that wall? What’s holding them back? What are they hiding? Pretty suspicious, if you ask me. I haven’t been able to look at our landscapers the same since. Our neighbors to the south will come to their senses eventually, and I’ll be right there sipping an Arny Palmy when they lay down that first brick. #BuildThatWall #Trump2016

Furthermore, Trump deserves to be president because the average American can relate to him. He graduated from a small college, then took a measly $1 million loan and turned it into a multi-billion dollar hospitality and real estate empire. A true rags-to-riches story — something that I personally can’t relate to as a riches-to-riches guy, but something that I can appreciate nonetheless. Trump is a living example of the American dream — one that lazy, unemployed Americans can attain if they get up from their yard couches and get to work.

We Trump supporters are feeling pretty confident these days. When it comes to Trump’s Republican opposition surpassing him in delegates, lightweight Marco Rubio doesn’t have a Jew’s shot at the White House, and Canadien Ted Cruz doesn’t have a former New York senator’s shot at banging Bill Clinton. And don’t even get me started on the Dems (who I’ve already taken the liberty of starting on). Hillary? Ha! No thanks. Bernie? Oh God. If communist Bernie Sanders gets elected, this country is going to need a period of Red Scare afterwards that’s even scarier and redder than our frathound’s behemoth penis before it can even think about being made great again.

That just leaves our boy Trump. And there he sits, atop his golden throne, eagerly awaiting his opportunity to bring America back to its glory days. Ronald got us there, and it’s time for Donald to bring us back. Join me and all my fellow tryhards in helping us get there.

He wants to build the wall over twenty feet high, and five or ten feet deep into the ground. Any novice isn’t climbing over or digging under that. He also wants to increase border patrol to prevent people from climbing over. While this will not completely solve the problem, I certainly believe it is a step in the right direction.

So they will dig ten feet deeper underground? Coyotes are not novices. The point is you don’t need to build a fucking wall. That is the dumbest, laziest solution on the face of the earth. We have these fancy things called drones with cameras on them, thanks to the wonders of technology that the border patrol agents can use to spot groups moving across the border and save on manpower. We don’t need a god damn wall, or more agents. The government, and people for that matter, need to learn to be more efficient and save money. The first idea that comes to mind is almost never the right one.

That’s how the original electoral college worked. it made presidential elections much more feasible and it stopped a president winning an election based on appealing to the uneducated masses (bernie). now it’s really just maintained to give states with small populations relevance during election cycles.

For the record . . . the worst part is the GOP has a lib on the ballot too. He’s an obnoxious moderate democrat who’s to the left of Hillary on a number of key matters. Unfortunately for real conservatives, being angry and demeaning resonates more with self-identifying “republicans” than, say, policy. It’s like they’re picking a brain surgeon based not on skill, but on how much he hates tumors, and they’re ending up going with the plumber who really, really hates tumors.

boys let’s face it none of the candidates are any better then the last one. the only candidate that seems to know what is going on and has been pulling strings within this government for decades now is hillary and it’s kinda hard to hear her over her big flapping vaginal.

Kasich has some good ideas and is acting presidential. In any other election, he would have a much better chance at getting the nod, but not in this one. He hasn’t insulted anybody yet, and people seem to be drawn toward those that yell the loudest.

Agreed. Those with the smallest minds have the biggest mouths. The uneducated come out for Trump in droves. That’s the problem, our nation is uneducated and those are the people we need least to vote. Social media gave a voice to the masses. But as we’re slowly finding out, the masses are fucking stupid.

I hate when people imply that just because you support a certain candidate, you’re uneducated; whether that be towards Bernie supporters or Trump supporters in this election. I consider myself educated, and I keep up with this race on a daily basis. I am a Trump supporter, but not because it is the fratty trend in this election, or because I am attracted to his insults. I agree strongly with his immigration policy, his plans for veterans, the fact that he is self funded and not influenced by corporate America. I share his views in regard to Syrian immigrants, and that he wants to pull out of the middle east entirely/ not support Israel. Sure, he has a big fucking mouth, but it is how he is advertising his campaign. The media jumps all over his politically incorrect comments, and advertises his campaign for him.

Kasich is the most presidential. The presidency is a tough job and he’s most equipped among the candidates to handle it. The problem is that, while the presidency is serious and complex and difficult, the primaries aren’t. They’re a fucking shitshow reality show to begin with, and when you couple that with the fact that this country has become an connoisseurs’ paradise of shitshow reality shows, you wind up with the candidate best equipped not for the presidency, but for winning votes from Real Housewives and Honey Boo-Boo watchers.

Underdraft fees are an actual thing. It’s called Negative Interest. You get charged for accumulating money in your account instead of spending it on useless shit you don’t need, which supposedly helps the people who make and sell useless shit. Very popular in Europe.

Sounds like if you want to avoid this you could just withdraw a little bit in cash every month or 2, hold onto it for a while, then redeposit it later. This way it looks like you’re just spending and depositing like normal. Regardless, that’s some communist bullshit. Fuck Europe.

The true irony here is, that the only try-hards are the ones who refuse to support Trump and his movement, bc the GOP elite don’t want him. So to be such a try-hard and do whatever Fox news and the ultra-elite GOP tell you what to do, you hate him without any point of reference.

To be honest, I’ll support anyone the GOP nominates, but to blindly hate Trump bc that’s what the “cool kids” are doing and you think that being frat is being hardcore GOP establishment is in fact being a try-hard.

This is probably most of your all’s first time voting in a Presidential election. The pseudo-intellectuals here and wanna be political scientists is laughable.

Lastly, all of you all getting physically upset because someone doesn’t agree with you is the sign of emotional immaturity. Just because you don’t agree with me, I’m not going to allow that to dictate my emotions. True intellectual maturity is being able to disagree in a civil discourse. So keep attacking people and you come across as a double-standard liberal

So advicating a strong military, a secure border, and bringing jobs back to ‘Merica is being a try-hard? Huh interesting… Or you can keep the same losers like Boehner (sp?) and McConnell who havent done dick in years.

Ah thanks bro’sef, it’s a typo and those things happen. You sound like Bernie and the rest of the liberal Army who offer free shit to get the black uneducated vote. Secondly, Trump isn’t making outlandish guarantees, that’s Bernie’s job. I’m supporting Trump, and I’m far from “uneducated.” Just because Fox News and the GOP establishment doesn’t like Trump, doesn’t mean you have to jump on their dicks and not support him as well.

You can’t just nuke someone. Realistically you would have to launch hundreds of missiles and hope one gets through. China doesn’t have that kind of stockpile and hasn’t been the sworn enemy of the United States for the better part of a century. The two have a mutual respect and I really don’t see Trump doing anything that could get us in an altercation with Russia, much less “nuked.”

Cruz supporters are idiots that haven’t realized his 4 years of being an “outsider” are a sham if you look at his big donors and his/wive’s career history. I don’t care how many boxes he can check in the conservative column, he’s a Canadian chameleon shill.

A vote for trump is a vote with your middle finger to the politically correct, pseudo-conservative, globalist bullshit Washington DC has been shoving down Americas throats for the past few decades. Stop the interventionist foreign policy, respect constitutional law and civil liberties, reign in spending, cut waste and corruption, lower taxes, balance the budget, support our veterans with stronger health programs. Make America’s Federal Government Great Again! Vote Trump!

He doesn’t have bad plans. He has no plans. Trump hasn’t released specifics for any of his plans. He just says he’s going to do things, but doesn’t say how. No one has any idea what the real Trump will be in a few days, much less a few years.

Globalist Bullshit? I actually like being able to go places/obtain things outside the US that globalization brings. You are an idiot if you think globalization is bad. You don’t like it? stop using things that benefit you that are a direct cause from globalization, which is, and was, and everything that will be in your life. America never stopped being great, you’re just an asshole who can’t appreciate the country your ancestors fought and died for. You Trump supporters are just as bad as the liberals who think you are entitled to everything under the sun simply because you were born. You are not entitled to a job, you are not entitled to feel like this country is “working for you”. If you don’t like it, or feel like it isn’t great already, get the fuck out.

I never said America stopped being great. America is great. It’s America’s federal bureaucracy that is in need of some spring cleaning. If you can’t fathom that the rampant corruption in DC is ripping apart the fabric of this country then you just aren’t paying attention. Did you even read my comment? I’m not promoting socialism, nor am I feeling the bern. Save that entitlement speech for those fuckers.