PANAMA CITY — Like many 19-year-olds, Theresa Till used text messaging and social media to let friends know when she was having a hard time dealing with a recent breakup. And in the last two days of her life, she used her smartphone to send dozens of messages to several friends.

Some messages left little doubt about her intention; others weren’t as clear.

Her mother, Vickie Boykins, has her iPhone now. To her, the messages are a painful reminder that her daughter’s final days were filled with anguish and unanswered cries for help.

Just after 11 p.m. on the night before she died, Till had sent a message to a friend on Kik, a social media messaging service.

Till was always coming home with stray animals — “throwaways,” as she liked to call them. She must’ve brought home 40 animals over the years, Boykins said.

A high-achiever, she once came home crying because her report card mistakenly had a C on it. (The grade was later corrected to reflect the B she’d earned.) A scrapbook Boykins keeps is overstuffed with medals, Till’s letter from the high school swim team, dean’s list announcements, perfect attendance awards, honor rolls, test scores and photos with the family at Disney World.

She was in the International Baccalaureate program at Rutherford High School, winning a Van Winkle Award in the process. She’d stayed up late cramming for a test the next morning, and like the fabled Rip Van Winkle she overslept. She arrived an hour late to find they had waited for her before starting the test.

She was pretty, too. She had her picture in a magazine, and boys fought for her attention, Boykins said. But Till loved only one boy, her fiancé, and when they broke up just before they were to be married, she took it hard.

“I tried telling her she’s going to fall in love many times,” her mother said.

Boykins said that message didn’t get through.

“She had everything going for her. You wouldn’t think that she would be the kind of … kid who would do this,” Boykins said. “Any kid that would sit there and say they would do this to themselves — you’ve got to believe them. Just because they have things going for them doesn’t mean they won’t do it.”

Till apparently tried to kill herself the night before she died. Till was “cutin takin pills drinking,” according to a text to a second friend. He pleaded with Till until 4 a.m. not to hurt herself.

She told a third friend just after midnight on Sept. 1 she was “having so much trouble with this. … [T]he longer I talk to you the harder this is, thank you it’s time.”

“No just keep talking to me please,” he wrote back.

“Nothing’s going to bring him back and I can’t be without him,” she responded. “The timer is set.”

He replied: “Yes u can people do it all the time killing urself wont help.”

***

Boykins has exchanged Facebook messages with several of the people Till chatted with before she died.

“I don’t think none of them are bad kids. They just didn’t know what to say or do,” Boykins said. “They just didn’t know.”

Friends told Boykins they were concerned about her, but they also worried about betraying Till’s trust if they had contacted someone.

“Unfortunately that’s not uncommon,” said Tricia Pearce, a mental health first aid instructor for Life Management.

Teens especially seem to be so concerned about betraying their friends they risk losing that friend entirely, Pearce said.

“First of all, you should never promise that you won’t share that information,” Pearce said. “Don’t keep it a secret.”

In a situation like the one Till’s friends faced, where the risk of Till completing suicide was immediate, there are actions people can take, Pearce said.

Life Management has counselors available by phone at all times, as does the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Pearce said.

“The other option is to call 911,” she said.

If someone is not in crisis but just despondent, it’s not wrong to ask directly about suicidal thoughts, Pearce said. The fear is that bringing up the topic will introduce the idea of suicide and actually increase the risk they will consider it, but that’s not realistic, she said.

“Make sure they know that you care, that you want to get them help,” Pearce said.

***

As Till chatted on Facebook with her friends, she sent her ex a simple text:

“I love you.”

“What?” he replied.

She was vague about her intentions.

“I’m never going to bother you again, so please don’t be angry, all I wanted is for you to know that I love you with every piece of me and I really do want you to be happy and I’m so sorry,” Till wrote. It was the last outgoing message on her phone.

Her ex responded with a long message that addressed in vague terms some problems that led to the breakup. He concluded it by saying, “now I hope you have a good life and you end up happy, goodbye.”

Back on Facebook, at 12:21 p.m. on Sept. 1, Till returned her attention to the third male friend, who was clearly worried:

“He just sent me a message”

“And it was terrible”

“I have nothing left”

“Bye”

“I’m so done”

He replied: “Theresa PLEASE.”

“Goodbye please please let him know, I have to go,” Till responded.

He responded immediately: “Please dont do this please I’m begging u”

Just before noon, she wrote to the second friend: “woke up, didn’t work, shooting myself now.”

***

Till’s father stopped at the grocery store Sept. 1 before he returned home from a day at the beach around 7:30 p.m., according to a police report. He was putting away the groceries when he saw Till’s headphones on the couch. She had them when she left the night before to return to campus.

Her father had been exchanging texts with Till, too, but she never mentioned suicide that afternoon, only her plans to eat lunch with a friend. Her last text to him was around 1 p.m.

He went to his bedroom and found Till on the floor between the bed and dresser. He thought she was asleep until he drew closer and saw the gun in her hand and the pool of blood.

She’d written a brief note on a piece of cardboard with instructions to give her belongings to her ex.

“I’m sorry guys. I love you,” she wrote.

***

Till’s funeral was in central Florida, and Boykins drove back to Panama City alone with her daughter’s ashes.

“I cried all the way home. … I haven’t really slept in a month,” she said.

Boykins said her life is now a persistent nightmare. She cried when she talked about her daughter’s death and laughed when she talked about her life.

She hopes telling her story will convince people to get help for their loved ones if they think they might hurt themselves.

“If I could save one child, or save one parent from going through this …” Boykins said. “I don’t think everybody really knows how to respond to someone who’s depressed like that.”

She’s planned a memorial at Rutherford High School on Saturday at 1 p.m.

***

Till’s messaging stopped with her death, but she kept receiving them.

One young man, after she died, sent her a message lamenting the fact that he had not been more assertive and told her of his affection for her.

The night before she died, Till sent another message that was just like the others to a boy who didn’t respond for a week.

“I’m so sorry Theresa I didn’t get your message in time …” he wrote.

A few days after her death, the friend whom she instructed to call Stetson to check on her wrote back once more:

“Why … Just why. I didn’t know that you meant it that way … I wish I could have done something.”

HOW TO HELP

Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.

Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.

Be non-judgmental. Don't debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or whether feelings are good or bad. Don't lecture on the value of life.

Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.

Don't dare him or her to do it.

Don't act shocked. This will put distance between you.

Don't be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.

Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.

Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.

Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.

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