“Batman Would Never Cry!” Michael Keaton Calls Spider-Man A “P*ssy”

Michael Keaton might be world famous for playing Batman (and a certain superhero named Birdman), but last night he told Jimmy Fallon that he thinks Spider-Man is a “pussy” for crying.

The star was visiting The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon to promote his new Oscar-bait film Spotlight, but when the host asked Keaton if he ever gets confused for other superheroes, the actor told a story about being ignored by an iPhone repair guy transfixed by Spider-Man.

Based on Keaton’s sketchy description, it seems that the repair guy was watching the climactic scene in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 where Gwen Stacy (played by Keaton’s “pal Emma” Stone) dies and Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) understandably cries. Keaton decided to mess with the repair guy by not only calling Spider-Man a “pussy,” but then declaring “Batman would never cry.”

Is this the latest chapter in the epic battle between DC and Marvel comics? Is Keaton showing off his own stunted masculinity? Is it a mean dig at Emma Stone’s now ex-boyfriend Andrew Garfield’s recent angsty interviews? Or was Keaton just messing with a repair guy too rude to realize he was waiting on Batman?!?!?

In any event, Garfield won’t be playing Spider-Man anymore. Teenager Tom Holland will be portraying Parker in a cameo in the upcoming Captain America: Civil War. So far there’s no word on whether or not Holland’s version will cry. Not that there’s anything wrong with crying. It’s an expression of strength and self-understanding. Maybe Batman would have been more chill if he did cry every once in a while, you know?