Saturday, April 13, 2013

Are you a guy? Tough luck bro.

I have seen so many people talking about how difficult it is for a girl to survive in a male dominating society. Well it's true to a greater extent. But that doesn't mean that we girls take the feminism flag every time and abuse guys. They have a difficult life too.

I have seen them suffer so many times just because they are, well, men. No matter what they do in a girl's presence, their intentions are doubted. Well I believe that they should be allowed to think whatever they want to, for you cannot really change that. But we girls do the same too. It's a kind of secret code and thus I won't reveal what we really think in our mind about a guy (or even a girl for that matter in spite of being perfectly straight). When a guy offers to give a lift to a girl, they say "chance maar raha hai". If he doesn't offer, then he is a jerk. Ah poor guys.

Today I was waiting for a cab to go to the class. There was one guy standing right ahead of me. We were waiting for almost 10 minutes before one empty cab finally arrived. The cab guy didn't stop in front of him, but he stopped in front of me. Asked me where I wanted to go. I saw that guy come running to the cab. I let him ask the cab guy first as that was only fair. The cabwala refused him and took me.

Last weekend, I was coming back from some place. There was a guy sitting next to me in the flight. His friends were sitting right behind us. He tried 2-3 times to talk to me, just tried, but didn't succeed as I kind of carry that intimidating look with me wherever I go. Especially when I travel as I don't like to be disturbed. And flight is the only place where I get a peaceful sleep. And I didn't want to compromise on that. It was a two hour flight. After we landed, his friends very bluntly asked him why he didn't talk to me. And I heard it. He was embarrassed. Very embarrassed.

A friend met with an accident. She rammed her bike into a car. It was her fault entirely as she lost balance. But onlookers started abusing the guy even though he was being sweet to her and trying to help her. His good gesture was mistaken as his error and poor fellow had to listen to everyone around him. He eventually took my friend to a nearby clinic. Thankfully she was not hurt much, but it was still a good deed. He didn't even take any damages from her. Insured car maybe, but still, WTH.

And every damn time, they are expected to carry heavy bags, or open the car/restaurant door, impress the girl, be funny, can't afford to be boring even a bit, can't praise other girls, have to compliment girls moderately, do hundreds of the things to make her fall in love with them, spend money on them, earn money for everyone - phew!

Poor guys. Thank God I am not a guy. I can be as lazy as I want to be. The biggest advantage of being a girl. Really. There are hardly any guys who are really out of a girl's league. If a guy is single, and a girl is even average looking and she likes him, he will say yes to her in all probabilities. But she won't ask him. Ever. And she gets away with it. If he doesn't have guts to ask her out, someone else will. She will never run out of options, while he gets just a few options in any case. A guy's ugly is a girl's cute.

251 comments:

all the while I had this new ICICI prudential ad running in my mind :) i read the title in my reader and was like 'ok thats another feminist post coming in". but then this turned out to be one kind post :) well, thank you!

I was just surfin through some blogs when I came across this post, haha, its good that you the perspective that most feminists leave out of their opinion, poor us, we don't have much of a choice, do we?..:)..keep writing and good luck fighting for both sides

After a long search it was good to find a feminist who knew and discussed guys problems with sympathy and care....Its true that they must be let them be themselves and we as women must not forget that we are equal and need to respect men as much as they need to respect us....

This is such an honest post. I have felt a kind of empathy developing for guys time and again but then some bad experience involving a random creep groping me in an auto or numerous news items on women falling victim to gender crimes, have nipped that feeling in the bud.But this post reminds me - what about the good guys? They suffer because of the bad lot.

finally, .. thank you (m sure many guys wanna say the stuff u posted, but they do come under fire out of peer-pressure, and ironically, in the name of open and free thinking, but this is a wonderful post :) )

But then thats what defines guys and they do not deserve anybody's sympathy. Some guys would like to complain how they are wronged by society in the way you describe it, while there are others who will get on with life and actually enjoy facing the brickbats. They are the ones who take the lead, who show the way and who have to fight for a member of the opposite sex. They are the ones who have to show the 'badappan' and take it on the chin while girls get the benefit of the doubt every time. And then after getting their asses kicked while being gentlemen and fighting it out, there are the snivelling feminists saying - 'its an unfair world out there - a male-dominated world'. Well, if you want to dominate, you have to lead, take your chances and be prepared for rejection and failure. Is that so surprising?

Well, thats what defines guys. There are some guys who will read this and be happy for the sympathy they get in their sorry condition while others will continue enjoy being out there facing the brickbats. Yes, some guys enjoy fighting it out for a member of the opposite sex, taking the lead all the time and being responsible for making anything happen. Guys have to show their 'badappan' while girls always get the benefit of the doubt. That is precisely why it is a male-dominated world. To dominate, you need to be able to lead, be proactive, make things happen and face rejection and failure with a smile on your lips.

I was assured that girls are mostly stupid, greedy and cunning. I thought that it was a result of their genetic build and hormonal make-up. But looks like you are an exception. "Are the exception that proves the rule?" is a different question altogether. But nice post. Haven't seen a girl write/talk so intelligently, so in-depth and so honestly (I hope so).

Really Neha? cute is it? How cute is it when men stare at u in the wrong places..Or maybe you are too ostrichy to notice that...Sorry u r post is too shortisighted ..too filmy too anecdotal..seems like daddy's lil girl never has seen real problems..

Some of you women are getting upset that for once, your 'victim-mentality-badge' has been taken away from you. Its hilarious :D Awww you poor woman... If you would only grow up, you can learn something from the author of this blog.

ahh!! so the over grown has seen a lot of problems in her life. get a life. a lot and lot of girls stare men and boys at wrong places...ahh!! wait!! i am sorry...boys dont have wrong places in thier body...u know y??because that's part of men's body..just a part of body...and being attracked towards a good looking gal is natural...very natural for man...and u always ask us act against our own bloody nature...it's not my mistake...i am sorry i was born to be attracked to women...and i m really really really sorry for that...

How pathetic Moushumiiiieee yakkkkk.... is that the mentality you grew up with., i pity the men in your life - am sure you udnt have a long relationship with another guy, so i am only referring to your father, brother etcAtleast be thankful that guys only look at your private parts (b@@bs and @$$) and may be rate you over others., its still better when you compare it with how one girl judges another girl, From the way to walk to the way you eat, the way you speak to the way you talk to boys, from how clean your feet is; to how much time you spend in a parlor... They infact label each other with weird tags, which for sure guys cant....If you're skinny you’re on drugs. If you're fat, you look nasty. If you're dressed up, you're conceited. If you dress for comfort you’re a slob. If you speak your mind, you’re a Bitch. If you don’t say anything, you're rude. If you are sweet to strangers, you are fake. If you cry,you're a drama queen. If you have male friends, you're a whore. If you have female friends, you're a player\or simply a lesbo. You can't do anything without being labelled by your another female. Women just can't survive if they're not judging the girl next door (regardless if she is her best friend or not), they dont spare their own sisters while judging them leave alone other girls..... have you ever heard two brothers having any sort of comparisons between them; infact i have never seen two girls being friend for years.., their friendship really never lasts as long as friendship between two guys.... the whole world knows this fact; lets talk bollywood.... i dun think i have ever watched any movie made on three girls alike Dil chahta hai, 3 idiots, pyar ka panchnama etc..... coz its not natural,

"Otherwise you undermining every single effort of feminists that have given women the rights they have today."If a blog post can undermine every single effort, then they are not really sound efforts in my opinion.

she talked about feminists who hates men in general...i really dont understand why women who are reading this blog are getting agitated of the fact that men suffers a lot. Thats why they are being over critical of this subjects. Apart from feminism, in the urban society, wives often like to cheat on their husbands and draws sympathy from other men. If caught, the wives simply misuses the law and get their respective husbands behind the bar. This is a phenomena which is on the rise. Not just wives, evn girls and unmarried ladies who are after men, who are often scorned lovers, they misuse the laws too!! Bending the laws to punish the men, often unnecessarily.

Feminism, was a super thing when it used to talk about female empowerment, yep, that was solid. But then it turned to plain men bashing, well, it's pretty much been a joke after that. Rubaina, you're talking about the former, respect for you, but sadly that's apparently an arcane interpretation. Neha's been talking about the latter, because that, is the 'in' thing nowadays among commonfolk.

Trying my best not to add to the general mudslinging when it comes to the gender battle, honestly, both sides of the viewpoint are terribly narrow... Men and Women are not born equal, don't grow equal, aren't equals, as unequal is one man from another and one woman from another. We have as many man-floozies and woman-heroes as we have the converse, but sadly objectivity is a lacking quality when it comes to this topic, and how would it be? I have no idea how it feels like to have a bleeding gape between my legs and heavy mounds of fat on my chest, I have no idea what an oestrogen overdrive would do to me, as wouldn't a woman have on the other side of the spectrum... Go check out one of the few matriarchial cultures, you'd be surprised how invertedly unequal they too are.

Well, biology did a number on you, and a different one on me, and therefore the games have been, do, and shall, continue.

came here via Facebook - My first reaction was "Looks like one more guy bashing post". Kept on reading it expecting that somewhere I, as a guy, would be asked to be ashamed of myself , well...for being a guy. Finished it and had a feeling of relief and disbelief that a girl would write something like this.

I think you need to gather more information before writing on any topic. I agree with Rubaina Anjum about your misconceptions on feminism. And by writing this post, you're doing a gross injustice to girls who don't behave like you: expecting doors to be opened for them, cabbies stopping before them rather than the guy, guys asking girls out and not the other way round. Time to get out of your bubble maybe? Or maybe put up a disclaimer about the sample space you're writing about.

In a way she is merly pointing certain issues guys are facing and how they are totaly ignored in the perspective of "serve poor n helpless" Such policy is not applicable at all places though.the author tried to end the post humourously and ended up making a little mistake about feminists.

At the end of the day, who cares where the hell one ends up....People will always be people, we cannot control anyone's thoughts or actions,Just do what you feel is right... the rest of the story, will always remain a story!

Thanks for the post on MEN......Finally there is someone who can understand about guys inner feelings and respecting their views too.....great keep posting stuffs like this.....from now on i will be following your blog NEHA .....Thanks ......A GUY FROM CHENNAI :)

Hmm... Nice try Dear Sis Neha.But i am not agree with you after all...Every coin has two faces.. u just showed the single face of it.. but when i look at the other face, i found there are so many bigger problems in girl's life compare to boy's life. Our society is not as cool as you.... Let me give you some examples..Have to ever seen a boy crying on it's own wedding??Have to ever seen a boy brunt alive for dowry??Have you ever seen a boy victim of eve-teasing or other sexual harassment ??Have you ever seen a restriction on boy's clothing, timings(hangout) ??there are so many things.....Which you don't realize during writing this blog..Although i like your post... and admire your writing, but still something is missing form it.... like you didn't say anything about girls who are not beautiful/free enough to have a boyfriend or girls who are merely used by their boyfriends etc... Think deeply... Sorry for the criticism.

Have to ever seen a boy crying on it's own wedding?? --> They don't cry... they either suck it up or watch them in a distance being married to some1 else.(Cuz girls usually get married earlier.)

Have to ever seen a boy brunt alive for dowry?? (No.. but what i have seen is girls bending the laws for their own use.. there are laws where extra martial affairs are treated mostly in favor of the girl's side.what they do is ..they marry the guy for their money.. treat em like shit and get divorced.They could even go for domestic violence and the court goes again in favor of the girl(cuz its that kinda india today here.)

Have you ever seen a restriction on boy's clothing, timings(hangout) ?? There was never any restriction on clothing for girls either... if they want they can wear and we boys can stare...Its a choice for both of us to do what we like.

Am not saying girls get it all easy... but neither am i saying guys do too..Treat both equally,both side has its own flaws and mistakes.But the laws today favor much in for girls.

Sahi bolla bhai, This is the fault in current Indian society, it will take time to go away as it went in Western society. Like girls there pay their share in food they eat out. Beautiful girls get lot of respect from society and they go stupid. they don't give a shit to anyone. If they want equal right they should stand equally with man, shouldn't ask for reservation.

Neha,This phenomenon of the society and males hating other males is noting new. This is called "misandry". This comes from the belief that men cannot reproduce and women(unlike fish, dogs) take very long to produce even one child. Men are hence considered disposable by the society while women are protected closely as long they can reproduce. You will see society does not protect or care about a woman once she moves out of child bearing age just like society does not care about men in any age group.

In the olden days men were used by kings and emperors as canon fodder and millions of men died in wars and conflicts every day. However that has stopped now and the rate at which men die has reduced quite a bit . Society has reacted by creating biased laws and regulations that would discriminate against men and calls this "postive discrimination". Men compete with men to get attention of women and this is a genetic trait of men and has nothing to do wit women as such . In India over 65000 husbands are driven to suicide due to spousal voilence ( fact admitted by the Govt) however there is not a single law to safeguard men against violence/harassment from wives . The same is true for healthcare. As long as society would continue considering men as disposable , men will have very poor existence.

I think you are confused in your idea of feminism. Feminism is the voice for equality of both genders. The examples here, as pointed out are the outcomes of inequality, ( albeit from the male perspective ) which feminists don't support.

I also think you are delusional in thinking that feminists expect chauvinism, while the expectation is egalitarianism.

When you think about it, asking to be treated equally, under all circumstances regardless of the gender is not too much of an ask is it? Unfortunately, the tide of the years past has made it a fight of one of the sexes. And it truly is a battle for both the sexes, where opportunities , dreams , hopes and aspirations can exist regardless of the gender you were born into.

What is the opposite of competition? Collaboration.Feminism doesn't imply women are better. Please educate yourself. It fights for equal rights. It fights for a woman's right to vote, to drive and to live.

Patriarchy is about dominance. Feminism is the opposite. Its about collaboration. Btw i am a girl. I dont expect anyone to open doors for me or give me their cabs or pay for dinner. A girl who lives by those rules is as far from feminism as can be.

Perhaps it should be called humanism maybe that will make it less threatening to men like you. And to think all that feminism has ever done is help women get jobs,voting ids, better healthcare and education. What kind of man can say that this movement is bad? It has given the women in your life a much healthier and better life. It has probably helped your mother survive her pregnancy.

Do you want women to be illiterate, dominated and discriminated? Do you want them to be used only for their wombs or their genitalia? If not, then what the hell is your problem??

there are laws even for animals in this country to protect them, but not for a man. Due to some evil men, the whole Male Species of the society is accused. Now some person is trying to correct the view and trying to bring the actual facts in the urban lifestyle, you rebuke the person. thats really funny to see. okay, i dont think i need to explain the details, you will soon realize if you ever become the mother of a Male Child in the future. Then you will realize, what dangers awaits a boy/man in the urban society.

I understand men suffer.But my son will always be better off than my daughter.And no one can argue with that.

When rape happens , the onus of proof is on the accussed. Is it a shitty situation if the man is innocent? Yes. Completely Yes.

The laws favor women. not the right thing.I admit that as a feminist. But you see my problem doesn't get solved through laws. My problem is with society. And in our country laws hardly ever change society.

Rapes keep happening. One is happening right now somewhere. There is a child (boy or girl) or woman screaming right now.Their lives are going to be damaged forever.

Who takes responsibility for that? The laws it seems will still be ineffective.check the conviction rate for rape. The bad men will get away.

So what do we do? More importantly what should men do?Doesn't it anger you that every women thinks you are a potential rapist? Every last one in the country thinks that of you. Of any man.

How do you fix something like that? Why dont you support women? Why dont you say that i will make sure that i dont encourage any kind of violence or discrimination against women and children. Why not start by stopping with rape jokes or sister-mother galis?

If humans had created an equal society, there wouldn't be all this right?

You can be against the bad men or you can be aganist the women trying to fight the bad men. Sounds like an easy choice.

I think you are talking about the academic perception of feminism, that it is 'supposed' to stand for equality, and collaboration. Unfortunately, this is a myth. Take it from a man, but when I see the laws being passed regularly, the misandry, and the sexual double standard that defaults men to be 'evil', your assumption falls flat down. Forget Indian society. Look at the kind of laws feminists are passing in the western countries. Pay child support or go to jail. Alimony and Divorce-rape. Domestic violence, and how it always assumes man to be the perpetrator (Even though studies indicate how domestic violence is reciprocal and not necessarily male-dominated) I don't see neither equality nor any justice in feminism. Rather there is that constant male-hatred going on around, as if we are so evil, and we oppress every women in our lives. I just feel sorry for this whole ideology that has created so much panic and hatred. And to mask it all,they call it ''equality''. haha. what a joke.

1. Please tell me why a man shouldnt pay child support if the woman has custody? why shouldnt a father want to contribute to the unbringing of his child?

So the woman gets custody, she should bear the complete cost of living of the chid? Dont you think thats the sort of thinking which makes it so hard for men to claim their parental rights? If you are someones parent, a divorce doesnt change it. You are still responsible.

If men shirk that responsibility, how are men fit parents? Or are you suggesting that a man's role ends with his sperm?I am sure most men believe that their role in their children's life is much much greater than this. So then what is wrong with demanding that responsibility? Please answer this.

2. Why does domestic abuse expect man to be prepretator? because a society will look down upon any man who gets bitten by a wife. This is looked upon to such an extent that it is not considered in law- making. You know why that is? Sexism. The belief that a woman cant hurt a man because she the weakling. The same belief that tells women to dress a certain way tells the courts that no man can be a victim of domestic absue. Please tell me that i am wrong here.

3. This ideology has helped women gain some rights. It creates panic in weak men. A strong man welcomes a strong woman who has her own identity.

4. Again feminists dont hate men. Many feminists are men.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTvSfeCRxe8

5. A personal experience in one of the best school in delhi. I was 13. A counseller came and asked us how many of the girls had experienced some sort of harrasment / eve-teasing /molestation in our lives. Every last one raised her hand.

You may be a good person.But by thinking that feminism attacks you, you help the men who arent. When you have a daughter and learn that she was groped, and find how very helpless you are, maybe you will see better

And if you believe so strongly in what you say, just have a frank conversation with the women in your life. Maybe what you see will shock you.

http://daddysan.wordpress.com/2012/12/24/the-subjugation-capital/

When you read this ,Take a moment and think of how you would feel if a gay man forced himself on you.or a group of gay men forced themselves on you.

Please have the courtesy and maturity to not deny the experiences of these women. Its only by chance that you are a man. You could have been a woman just as easily.

1) Do you know that most men want the custody of the children the same as women. We are biologically programmed to love our children the same way. Yet, statistics show that more than 85% of the custody rights are given to the mother by 'default'. The only time they are not given custody are if you can prove in court that the mother has violent behavioral issues or some alcohol/ drug problems. Why do you think it is fair that the mother should be given custody???? Also, do you think it is fair that the father has no legal rights over the child, can't meet the child except 2-3 times a month in court-stipulated dates, yet keep working hard to pay child support which is actually an excuse for the women to live off on his money. Do you know how many women abuse this system?.. If you so much believe in equality, would you rather the courts give the custody of the children atleast 50% of the times to the father, while the mother (if she is working) rather pay the child support???..

2) The anger is not against strong women. The anger is against unfair laws.I live in Delhi, and I know the kind of problems my girlfriend faces in Delhi buses. So don't tell me about women's problems. I want men who victimize women to go to jail, but I would also NOT like innocent men to suffer. The law must be fair and just. However in present day India, the laws are highly gender-biased. Some laws are downright Draconian. Ever heard of 498A? Do yourself a favour and do a research on this. Just by repeating to yourself that feminist don't hate men isn't gonna change the truth.

P.S. I would rather a gay man ass-rape me than go to jail for the rest of my life based on a false accusation. Just yday, this news came out: http://www.sacbee.com/2013/07/09/5553262/sex-video-clears-men-accused-of.html

You are right.This post lacks clarity, only meant to get kudos from men. In a bid to be different you have written a post which doesn't do any good to anyone. Your profile says, "If I was a reader of my blog instead of the author, I would never have read me." Please do that!

This post lacks honesty, you travel in aeroplanes (where some guy is afraid to talk to you), but hundreds of women everyday are eveteased on buses,local trains, roads.Well, being one of those women I don't think I can think those gropers,eve-teasers as cute.Men will really like this post, some of them I presume are most, but from everyday experience I can say the cute one are a rare breed.

You are talking as if all the men are bad... its true, that male culprits are always on the large and are roaming around scott-free, but are "all" the men in this world evil?? had that been true, a true apocalypse would have occured... generalised statements lke yours, actually shows how myopic you are.It really surprises me and throws me back that how men are hated everywhere nowadays by women.

I totally agree with you loved reading it. I don't why people lolling here because I have seen men suffering a lot and when they suffer women related to them suffer too . We have to change the mentality that men are bad. Iam so glad that there is a rational woman like me . Lost my wonderful brother to one misuse of law which always blame men so I know how difficult it is to be a man .once again kudos Neha !

Honest is absolutely the right word for this post, Neha..Brutally honest. Its only human to come out of one self and picturise yourself in the other person's shoes for once. And you have done it more than once. After all, the world is equal for both men and women. Kudos to you for highlighting this!

After reading the post and the comments, I believe that there are many more things which need to be addressed rather than doors being opened and meals being paid for.

No woman sees every man in the wrong light, as if that was the case, there would be no marriages or friends, and that is certainly not the case. But sometimes, guys do act creepy, and that is when women become wary. And that is a well known fact, once bitten, twice shy!

If this post is about your experience, then makes perfect sense, but if it is about generic claim, its a very shallow view.

U mean to say gals or women dont act creepy at all? you are being judgemental and baised. and If this comment is about your experience, then makes perfect sense, but if it is about generic claim, its a very shallow view

I have a better opinion even i don't care about the spelling of opinion, write such kind of 100's of articles, bring traffic to your blog and start advertising on it, just Chill!! :) -- Nitesh(nsnitesh74@gmail.com)

A very nicely written unbiased account for what we guys, single guys in particular, have to go through daily. And it's refreshing to see that it comes from a lady. Hats off to you, Ms. Neha. And thanks a lot!

I believe that some women have turned out to be feminists just because they were in an environment where a women was mistreated or physically tortured or she herself had an experience of such.Growing up in such an environment will/can lead to this. It is justified. Some women who just read stories or who say " She inspired me" are not justified. They hate men or they just want the attention of others. Fighting for a cause(Women Rights) and being a feminist are two different things.

This is my personal opinion.You can share your opinion as well but try not daring to comment that I am wrong as I already mentioned "This is my opinion"

"And every damn time, they are expected to carry heavy bags, or open the car/restaurant door, impress the girl, be funny, can't afford to be boring even a bit, can't praise other girls, have to compliment girls moderately, do hundreds of the things to make her fall in love with them"

I dont know the reason, but i found the line where you wrote about a girl always having "options" open in the tone that you did a bit awkward. But, apart from that, I find it very refreshing that a girl accepted all that you did openly.

I don't agree with you though my name is also Neha :) Well I doubt it big time that this blog is written by a female. So here are my views ...

1)May be a girl would get preference for a cab but no one would rape a guy. They are safe but we aren't.I wouldn't have said this so strongly but in the last 1 year there were dozens of incidents in our country related to rape. So Thank God that the cab stopped for you and not for him.

2) Guys need to carry luggage if it's heavy because God has made them stronger than us :) We are not that physically strong and unfortunately we can't do anything about it.And in my opinion , these days no girl would just give all their luggage to guy and walk empty hand. We are independent and world is changing. Apart from that, these days we have 2/4 wheels suitcases :) So it's hardly a matter of pushing the luggage.

3) @Driving - I am not completely agree. I know many girls are not good on road but it's not intentional . Infact it is because they are less trained and scared on road but they will never try to do rash driving and be over smart on road.I have seen so many accidents on road in front of me because the guy was driving with very high speed /was drunk/was doing rash driving.

Infact most of the times, the girl would deny to drive if they are not confident on road. I know many examples (including myself :)). We can't do harm/damage bcoz we are scared of it :) so be proud of being a girl.

4)@Approaching a girl - I am not sure if you really don't like to get disturbed/approaced in flight otherwise you wouldn't have bothered so much about that stranger guy's embarrasement :P

In my opinion ,the guy who didn't talk to you must be less embarrassed[or not at all embarrassed] than the other 2 guys who tried to talk to you but didn't get any response :D

This was the answer to your blog. I can write 100 points here to say how girl suffers more than guy but I would better stop here :) So please think... before you write :)

Firstly, opinions don't match if names match.Secondly,every guy is different and has his own ways of thinking, understanding and seeing things. The mistake you do is generalizing it up for every guy. I agree with you that there have been many rape incidents happening in the past few months and the guys are not punished and are let free but every guy is not a rapist.There are gentleman out there who are fighting for a woman. Finally,the most common thing a girl says when her boyfriend cheats on her is " I don't trust guys". WTH. Just because one guy turned out to be an asshole,not every guy is.DON'T MAKE GENERAL STATEMENTS.

yeah, how many rape cases have come to lime light? how many are accused ? the percent is very low. almost less than 2% in the male adult population. so generalizing 2% people to 100% is a terrible outbreak of mathematical rules!!! if all guys are "like that"...then there would have been atleast one "nirbhaya" case everyday shown in the never ending creepy "crime files" television shows. the 3rd point u mentioned extremely biased. i have seen many girls caught for drunk and drive cases every weekend. i have seen lots of gals making their this scooty wheel skid on a muddy road. viral intentions are incorporated in any one rrespective of gender. please discuss about the "victim" but not gender!!!

I am not calling all the guys out there rapist.Please read carefully before making angry statements. Assume that you and your female friend are waiting for cab after office to go home. You both stay in different areas so can't hire same cab. It's late in the night.Wouldn't you bother about her safety? Wouldn't you prefer that she gets a cab first so that atleast you could see her going home infront of you? Or would you prefer to take a cab first?

I assume your answer is "you would prefer your female friend to take a cab first". And if you do , why is it different for any other girl who is not your friend? If you can worry about your sister's/friends'safety , why can't you worry about someone else's sister's safety?

These days girls are independent and we don't need any favor but we do need safety!!

There are around an average of approx. 26 cases registered in a population of 1000 (mind it, these are cases registered, not convicted) of crimes against women, which include rape,assault,molestation etc. Compare it with even higher number of robberies, arson, murders, and suicides.You will find that when it comes to being 'victims'of any crime, men far outnumber women. However, due to your separatist identification with 'womanhood' and 'feminism', you no longer see man as another human being who is capable of both good and bad, but rather as a community which oppresses you. This generalization is at the heart of all problems feminism has created.

@bovinewings : Look at history. More men have died needlessly in wars than women giving birth. Do you remember Titanic? Why were the men supposed to be left behind while the women got into life-boats? When you turn on the news, why do they always focus on how many women and children died in an incident instead of saying how many people died? Because traditional society has always valued woman's life more than a man's. Would it make you happy if it was Rose who sank in the ocean instead of Jack? Ask yourself. Because these are fundamental questions. Rape is never justified, and if you don't know, it IS a crime all over the world. And rightly so. But, so is murder, and other crimes. So, instead of seeing these as social-problems, why do feminists make it out as man v/s woman problems, as if we are some separated communities fighting against each other?? .. Because of power. Simple. Feminism is the exact opposite of patriarchy. And the only reason I am making the arguments in favour of the man-community is because I can see clearly the misandry involved in this ideology.But somehow you are unable to sympathize with the opposite gender. Maybe if you had a son one day, you could see the other side of the coin.

Finally, some shade after walking for so long in the burning big and hard sun of a hot summer day.... Thanx Neha!!! For taking the initiative of explainng people that the world is not completely devoid of good men....

wow, this makes me believe it was written by a 12 year old, the thing about asking feminist to spare men, that just shows your bugged understanding about the whole situation, feminists are not against men, feminists are against gender discrimination, against patriarchy, against rape culture, they just want their rights, EQUAL rights, for all men and women. And they do not think all men are the same unlike the writer of this blog, and this being told its coming from a male feminist itself. You madam are trying to make feminists look like anti-men which is wrong on so many levels. Please meet better people and discuss about the situation before spreading such foul messages over the blog which can lead to mass manipulation.

Yesterday I stood in a DTC bus with a man's erection poking into my left bum for 15 minutes. The woman in my head screamed, the rationalist in me asked her to calm down, that the former was just over-reacting in a cramped bus. I ultimately did nothing except squirming uncomfortably. After alighting the bus, another guy who was standing right next to me asked,"Why didn't you slap that guy next to you." I just stood there, baffled, wondering if I should have paid heed to the woman in my head.

Yes Neha, yes, men are wronged by the society, especially the cute ones. And I had Unicorn biryani for lunch today.

But you obviously dont know zilch about feminism. We dont hate men. Try saying that out loud a couple of times if you cant beleive it.

And for the love of god, Read!!

As for the guys, it is true that not all of you are bad. But a girl still cant risk it. The price we pay for talking to the wrong guy is usually a lot more than embarrassment. Dont take it personally. A girl has got to look out for herself.

ladyl, you're right when you say feminism is not men hating... But have you noticed the general consensus lately? Just like you accused, most 'feminists' of this age have zilch idea too...

And honestly, it's just sad that society has taken this ridiculous turn where you have to look out for yourself. But y'know, rampant generalizations just don't help fix it, and that's what's happening recently.

Waiting for 440 ltd at wadala , a gal approached and asked 440 gayi kya ? I said that even i was waiting for the same bus to which she yelled jitna pucha hai utna hi bolo...i had no other intentions than to make her know that 440 hasnt passed , had it been there i wud not have been waiting. Believe me i was just being nice where she cud have been neutral ... no complaints though !!!

u would have shouted at her then and there it self bro, i dont understand why they say "respect women" even though they turn out to be wicked and preposterous. yes i do honor them a lot but there is a particular sect in them which annoys me the most. even men arent an exception. but please dont magnify the notion "respect women". jus go with "give respect and take respect"

A Very well written article and very appropriate as well. The West is slowly realising the adverse effects of blind feminism. Feminism teaches women to be parasites nothing else. If feminists were so concerned about the development of women, they would have concentrated and advocated on women literacy in rural areas, how to be self dependent and not just blame a man for all wrongs in the society

The fact that you are a girl, got ur blog so much likes & coe wrongmments, dont get m I am not underrating the contents of the blog bt the point is that a guy would have to write a blog 100 times better than that to get the same publicity

we suffer? the way you mentioned ?I think thats our freedom,the chance to hit at any thing we like ,we take initiative coz thats the way inbuilt,thats a guys way,not any thing socially implied on us,thanks for your pity ,but we dont need them,,and you are wrong that every thing a guy do is to please a girl.Your article speaks of those guys who revolves around girls,do not generalise.Any way ,nice attempt. wish you good luck .

Neha, on the sunny side of things, I must say you invoke the ad "Found finally! the kind of girl you would WANT to marry!".....thank you for looking at the whole scene in this twisted yet very real perspective....I've been a victim of this and so have a lot of guys been; what can one say, its a twisted world out there. However, one must admit, the feminists and the female world have equally suffered discrimination and abuse - the sad bit being innocent folks of either party going under the hammer; Maybe its time we have a new bastion fighting for the rights of the oppressed - gender no bar!

Saw a random post of FB, thought about checking it out, Gosh... i spent an hour reading the Post and all the Comments on it.. One thing i noticed, either a male or a female , each one is facing issues in one way or the other, So just read and Move ahead..Why do people have to argue and try to prove who's Right and who's wrong? "JIYO aur JINEDO"...

By the way, A good post Neha. Keep up the good work, Will try to go through other posts as well.

Liked your post neha... the biggest problem in our nation today is a tendency to generalize... it is true that women have been treated with utmost contempt in this part of the world and the suspicion that festers in a girls mind is but natural. yet in this day and age we must also expect that out of the countless bad apples there must be a few good ones to keep the world in balance. an objective understanding is thus required on the part of women who are more evolved then men(scientifically proven)to make correct decisions as opposed to being unduly hostile. remember, the word feminist is the feminine of the word chauvinist and thus has negative connotations. :D

I am neither for nor against this whole argument. But as rubaina said, it is a function of your environment. The important part to observe is not the shortsightedness of this post or any comment on this, but about people in general sticking to the prejudices because of their experience(s). It is the same reason why someone is more likely to believe that in a given eve-teasing accusation, the chances that it happened is more than that it did not. As an example, the kind of comments this post would have got had the author been a he (by the identity projected here) than a she could be an interesting case in itself. But i agree partly to the article. P.S. Now are you guessing which gender do i belong to ? :)

Generalizations are the problem...biggest misconception about feminism is that it runs men down - when all it does it liberate the entire population of any gender stereotype. In a specific class of society, in a specific scenario "She will never run out of options, while he gets just a few options in any case" applies. But every time a girl says something like " I can be as lazy as I want to be. The biggest advantage of being a girl" you establish a negative stereotype, that quite frankly is unnecessary.

Women are vary of men and this is the effect not the cause. We're scared of being approached by men, because is it not true that every 20 mins one of our kind gets raped.

While the scenarios you've presented are true, it's also a matter of the attitude of the woman in the situation. No mob is going to go after the guy in a road-rage scene, if you yourself just get up and say - dude, meri galti thi, stop being such idiots.

Every time I see a woman bitch about feminism, it breaks my heart. Because if we don't stand for the cause of making our lives better, who will :(

Although being a man, i am a feminist (but not extremist-feminist).I try using my brains while being a feminist.I do not like being the hunky chauvinist.I really believe that one wrong is being revenged by another wrong.Women faced a lot in the past and they are avenging that by talking advantage now.

An interesting fact, i don't know if you ever thought of it.Most of the time its the MEN who drag down the other MEN to put those 'beauties' on the top (priorities list).Like the cab driver (i believe he was a 'he') :)

Like wise women are the one who pull their legs most ( i would hate a woman boss & i really remember an incident spread over 2 years when my Girlfriend had a lady team lead. phew...)

My point is things go well ONLY when we treat all MEN & WOMEN equal.& said that i mean really EQUAL in all means & fields (and not when U actually need some favors selfishly ).

Anyways, Thanks Neha.For thinking about the grass about the other side (which is not always green. :)).....

BUT....... its really tough to believe that you really are a WOMAN.....Sorry for the comment...But i have a hunch U are a *i**ed off Guy...Gust like all other guys.Who is writing this on behalf of all other guys.

If not i hope i meet more women like you in REAL life.At least the world needs /deserves them.

Oh , just one more thing....I am still not sure about what girls really think about other girls...( My girlfriend never gives an answer which satisfies me.I always find / get comments from her about women which gives me goosebumps at times but i really had never got any reason to think that she isn't strait. :P......Then WTH is that all about!!!!??? Phew!)

Hmmm....This blog isnt entirely true.Most men are cute..not all...some are chauvinists and few really believe in equality.This blog is mostly adding fuel to the male ego.But there are cases where a womans ego is fed too.I just want to say dont judge too soon.

@Neha.. agreed... wow.. that is some insight.... and please don't mind the negative comments (you're a lil girl, live in a bubble, don't know anything and all the shit) everyone needs a hobby... their's is criticism... thats it... people should understand to take light things lightly....m sure you'll help them all of them...

Neha,men i believe are brought up tough by loving moms...and the luck you offered us is a sweet pillow we take with us from a young age....

And about the girl proposing a guy....We don't want girls to propose us,infact we hate that....if we feel we have to share our thoughts with a girl..we MEN just do it,is .what i believe is MEN do not marry a girl just because she looks beautiful on her skin,we try to know whats beneath her skin as well....

To all the people who talk about equality,name me a straight female who doesn't like her man to dominate her!!!

There is a lot of difference being a boy and a man.Its takes a lot to be a man,and i believe the tough things that a boy goes through is what makes him a man....

But appreciate your thought neha!!we rarely see a girl spotting this and picturing it like the way you have done it...But i don't think we need a sympathetic approach,we take tough times as a lesson we never forget...

Only a good human being who understands and respects all facets of people can think and bring in courage to write whats right, like the above blog.

Good and sober men who have empathetic heart have always been taken for ride by egoistic and selfish women and this has resulted in rudeness and rustiness growing in young men of today's generation. Sometimes, it is taken as a lesson and sometimes it changes the whole perception of the person.

Any guy who blindly believes on a girl, gets a back-stab at some stage in life for sure and thats when he seriously starts thinking about his own life. So either the guy has to change or his life changes for ever.

Same goes with similar kind of good girls, who had to change for the hurdles (hurdle is a very small word to express the difficulties and plights of a section of people (both men & women)) they faced in their life.

Why can't we simply "Live and Let others live" as they want to live. Why do we need to create problems and difficulties in other's life, when the actual motto of life is to feel good and let others feel good? Then why do some people always make merry by troubling others? Truth is that one day even these kind of people realize their fault and repent, but then its too late for both.

Times are changing. Society is changing. Girls are opening up and asking for more space. Sometimes they get it and sometimes not. A few men refuse to give space to women through sexist comments, lewd behaviors and sometimes rape.

But not all men are rapists neither are all women "feminists". It is a transition which is a continuous process and right now in its initial stages.

I agree that most of the men stare at women but most of the times it is harmless fun. If the women have felt bad because of that, I render apologies on behalf of all "innocent" and "cute" men through he sher below:

Good post. Finally a refreshing one, where the issues men face on regular basis have been discussed. It is not that all men are good but it also doesn't mean that all women are good. Being good or bad is a tendency and not necessarily related to genders. A nice read.

Came to this post through a facebook link. Really a fresh perspective. I have many "feminist" friends and also "male chauvinist" ones too.

Off late with the kind of incidences we have seen going on and them being highlighted by media a rather negative tendency had crept up on us males. But really never expected a girl to look from this perspective because these have become so common these days like the cab incident or the accident incident(The first even i have had first hand while the second one a couple of my friends had). We ourselves had stopped giving these a thought and these had become more of a part of life. Well all i can say is thanks for recognizing us that not all of us are 'bad'. :)