a conversation came up and i wanted ask you bees, is there a such thing as being too honest?

back story: well i was talking to friend of mine and she said that i can be very blunt, and i was left thinking, isnt that what a friend is supposed to do. not that i would ever tell her “omg you are fat” but if she was to ask me if she gained any weight i would tell her the truth.

You can absolutely be too honest. I think some people (not necessarily you) think being honest somehow absolves them of rudeness. You definitely should not lie to people but you can frame it so the truth is more pleasant/palatable.

I voted yes, not because I don’t think one should be completely honest with friends, but because I think there are times when you can be brutally honest and times when you need to be tactful to avoid hurting their feelings.

For example: When a friend asks you if she is gaining weight you could say ‘Oh my God, yes, you are totally getting fat. What are you eating?!?’ which would be honest, but not nice. Or you can say ‘You know, the holidays are a killer on the waistline. How about we go for a walk/go to the gym/grab a salad?” which would also be honest but still tactful.

yeah i get what you ladies are saying but i really never blunt with her. if she asks for my opinion i give it to her and then she gets upset.

example: she asks me how she can gain trust back from her SO because he doesnt trust her. i tell her that she should be more honest with him and maybe try to stop flirting with the guys at work because if he caught you once he is going to catch you again.

she gets upset with me. i promise i was in no way judgemental and i thought about my answer before i told her. i was just being honest because i know she loves him and i really want their relationship to work. was i wrong?

@redheadem: this is what i think as well, but she does it all the time and i makes me feel like i am the one who is wrong. this is my best friend we have known each other for eight years. i mean this girl is like my sister and i can never tell what i think because i know she is going to get upset.

I think you could have phrased the second part more tactfully. Maybe “Susie, I think it’s hard to gain trust back when it’s lost, but it’s certainly doable. I would suggest you be as open and honest as possible about what you are doing. Also, it’s possible that your SO might misconstrue your relationships with your male coworkers in particular, so I would suggest that you be very careful how you interact with them so you do not give the impression you are interested in anything further than a business relationship.” You can tweak that obviously, but there’s a difference between saying “You big flirt! You’ve been caught before, you will be again!” and “You know, you don’t want your SO to think you are flirting, so pay attention to your interactions so you don’t give the wrong impression.” One is accusing her of bad actions, the other is more forgiving in politely pretending you think she’s not doing it on purpose.

One is accusing her of bad actions, the other is more forgiving in politely pretending you think she’s not doing it on purpose.

the thing is that she tells me that she flirts with these guys and she tells me how much they like her and everything.it isnt that i am accusing her because both her and I know that she does these things, and also knowing that she does it on purpose.