ATHENS, GA - The 2012 "Tavern on the Green" Masters Menu was released today by Billy Payne, chairman of the Augusta National Golf Club who also announced that IBM CEO Ginni Rometty had volunteered to help out in the kitchen during the tournament.

"I haven't been behind a stove in 25 years," declared Rometty, who unlike other CEO's of companies sponsoring the Masters is not allowed to play Augusta because of her female gender.

"It's really a great menu this year, I can't wait to see the boys dig in," said an undeterred Payne, who added that "until I hear it directly from Ginni Rometty I assume she'll be in the kitchen working her cute butt off.

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Following Jerry Jones' comment that it was "absurd" to link football with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (C.T.E.) disease The Flat Earth Society has withdrawn an invitation to Cowboys owner to address their annual convention. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," said a Flat Earth spokesman.