How would liberal advertisers reach out to conservative markets if there's money in it? They'd do it based on their preconception of what the evil conservatives want from life. Ushanka tip to Comrade General Secretary for the subversive idea.

The Subaru brand is not just for liberal bumper stickers anymore. We proudly present the all new Subaru Deforester designed for conservative markets!

Have you ever driven by a picturesque mountain forest and thought, "Man, I’d love to take a buzz saw to that place"? Well, now you can. Just back your Subaru Deforester to the tree line and start its rear buzz saw. You can clear two acres per hour with its 8-foot titanium blade.

No longer will you have to be a member of the Sierra Club or Green Party to drive a Subaru. Choose from two customizable editions: The Subaru Deforester Exxon Valdez or the powerful V10 Diesel Subaru Deforester Halliburton. Attachments sold separately.

Red, I am so glad. I saw that man advertising the Suburu plant, with all the lovely green space, and not once did he say the car worked. I was so thrilled by this, to put mere capitalism out of mind to pursue furry bunnies and green stink weeds.

Because we cannot be true Progressives if we discriminate between a stink weed and a rose, can we? It's not the stink weed's fault that it is appeal-challenged. And I believe that it is the rankest speciesism [ off--that wasn't flagged by the spelling checker] to even think that a stink weed doesn't have the same rights to exist as a rose, or a bramble bush, or poison ivy.

I never understood the lure of Suv's. Me? I'm old school. I remember the summer of '67. I was tearing up the pavement of the Texas Interstate with a brand new Chevy SS Impala. Two tons of steel and a roaring 327 V8. The speed limit was 80 and the needle was buried past 120. Out of nowhere this '59 Caddy convertible with real Bullhorns on the front passed me like I was standing still. Ah, the good ole days..................

I still live in West Texas, with an 80 mph speed limit. But there is a stretch of road between Orla and the Texas/NM state line, about 35 miles, and it's almost always deserted. Never a cop. I know it well. I have an Acura RL with 300 HP and AWD, and when I could smell the tires at 135 I slowed down. Such fun.

I recently bought a 2000 Ford Explorer to replace my aging (for those of you on the cliche watch, I couldn't think of more original adjective - sorry) '94 Saturn. To put a progressive spin on it, I'm thinking of having it painted green, and getting a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm Spewing CO2 to Help Save the Trees!"

Commissar TheocritusTexas was quite an eye-full for that Baltimore Boy. The sheer size of the state was incredible. Fantastic road trip in all. Drove from Baltimore, MD to Mexico and back. Lots of fun.................

That's what I've been always saying... In those days car bodies had distinct characters. You wouldn't confuse one model for another. Around the late 1980s, I guess, they all began to resemble oversized rounded soap holders. They may differ in color and roundness on the corners, or particular curves, but the general character is all the same: a soap container.

Notice how restored old classic models always make everyone's head turn? That's what probably makes the automakers occasionally go retro and make WV Beetles, PT Cruisers, Chevy HHR, etc. Those cars stand out due to their unique outlines. They have character.

E. R., yes, Texas is large. I went to school 600 miles away. There are 200 miles west of me now, and there were 100 miles east of Houston. Regularly I drive 650 miles from here to South Padre Island and there's 400 miles to the north of me before I hit Oklahoma. I was in Paris with my old classics professor and she was saying we'll do...and go...and do..." and on the third day we'd be in Milan.

"Helen! How can we get across France in just three days?"

"Theocritus, France is nearly as big as Texas."

But where I live it's utterly desolate. This town of 9500 people, 3000 of them in prison, is the biggest for 200 miles in two directions and 85 in the other two.

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Yes, cars had character. I had a TR-7, that looked like a wedge. Now THAT had character. I suspect the homogeneity is owing entirely to powerful computers and aerodynamics.

They have not been cut down to burn in the fireplaces for the temple of the Holy Gore.I thought the temple of the Gore only burned tropical trees, this is the real story why the rain forest is shrinking (the cover story is the RethugliKKKans cut it down, despite the well known fact they are all some sort of primate off shoot (i.e. Dubya)).

Yep, my RL has an ugly ass, like nearly all modern cars. It looks like a partially unfolded hood of a baby buggy. But not only does it contribute to the trunk space but evidently to aerodynamics. The 2005 TL didn't have it.

The TR7 was a fine car; I had the 1978 one, totaled at 10:30 at night on my 25th birthday the day I had the windshield replaced, its oil, heads torqued, and lubed, while I was at work, by a drunk. It was a superlatively good car. I bought the 1980 convertible, which was a British Leyland car. Unreliable. But damn it was pretty. I replaced it with the 1983 Toyota Supra. All three of those were crumpet collectors considering that the average car in my circle then was a boring white job.

But the TR7s had only 90 HP for a #3000 car. Slow as a campaign promise. The Supra had 150 HP for that weight. it was much faster but didn't look it and it didn't get the tickets either.

Wish I'd waited a month last year until the 2009 Acura TL came out. 305 HP, AWD, lighter car, $20K cheaper. I don't need the fake wood-grained plastic. I want a haul-ass car with AWD and SatNav which can read my iPod. The TL also has a 40GB hard drive. That's nothing, really--I have a 160GB and 120GB iPod, but, well you can't have too much hard drive.

Those extendable/retractable grill saws, those are straight off the Mach 5! Why, as a child, I had all the buttons on the steering wheel mapped out for the saws, the robo-homing pigeon, the jumping lift feet, etc.

The E-type is quite slick, but I think I'd have to go with the BMW Isetta (unless I wanted muscle):

Behold the '63 studebaker Avanti!. Mine had power steering, power brakes, power windows, 4bbl studebaker 289, dual exhaust. You could get with open or enclosed supercharger. In '63 Andy Granatelli drove his R3 (enclosed supercharger) to 160+ at bonneville to set speed record for American production car at that time. You could sit 4 people in this car comfortably. A great car that made you proud to be a Kapitalist Amerikkkan... that's why Studebaker had to die!.

I'm told that the reason that Americans drive on the right-hand side of the road is the Studebaker Conestoga wagon (The Stogie cigar). In Texas there are surveys of land which are based on the harness of a certain Studebaker harness. The length was known; the land's dimensions are also known.

The only memory I have of a Studebaker is of one that belonged to a man we, as children, referred to as "Uncle Scud," but he really wasn't my uncle, but my mother's boyfriend. He was quite a bit older than my mother, who was already old (40 years my senior), but he also had a great liquor cellar at the back of his house, which was built against a steep mountain, where my brother proceeded to drink himself into a coma one afternoon. Nevertheless, "Uncle Scud's" cocktail parties were legendary. These were the days when people amused themselves with liquor and conversation. "Uncle Scud" had no TV.

I also remember how, one afternoon when "Uncle Scud" was napping on his sofa, a large boulder rolled down the mountain, crashed through the roof, and landed square on "Uncle Scud's" refrigerator. And, it also seems that at the time of "Uncle Scud's" death, Studebakers disappeared as well.

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

Ex-president Obama declares Irma "Hurricane of Peace," urges not to jump to conclusions and succumb to stormophobia

CNN: Trump reverses Obama's executive order banning hurricanes

ISIS claims responsibility for a total solar eclipse over the lands of American crusaders and nonbelievers

When asked if they could point to North Korea on a map many college students didn't know what a map was

CNN: We must bring America into the 21st century by replacing the 18th century Constitution with 19th century poetry

Pelosi: 'We have to impeach the president in order to find out what we impeached him for'

BREAKING: As of Saturday July 8, 2017, all of Earth's ecosystems have shut down as per Prince Charles's super scientific pronouncement made 96 months ago. Everything is dead. All is lost. Life on Earth is no more.

DNC to pick new election slogan out of four finalists: 'Give us more government or everyone dies,' 'Vote for Democrats or everyone dies,' 'Impeach Trump or everyone dies,' 'Stop the fearmongering or everyone dies'

Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power" is humanity's last chance to save the Earth before it ends five years ago

Experts: The more we embrace diversity the more everything is the same

Study: Many non-voters still undecided on how they're not going to vote

The Evolution of Dissent: on November 8th the nation is to decide whether dissent will stop being racist and become sexist - or it will once again be patriotic as it was for 8 years under George W. Bush

Venezuela solves starvation problem by making it mandatory to buy food

China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"

Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'

Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%

America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith

Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine

Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET

Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths

Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'

Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State

President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise