Is your family in the way of your health?

This is a common obstacle for many people. Spouses/Significant others/Partners, roommates, and children can be a barrier to individualized customized care for yourself. Common reasons are:

1. I don't feel like preparing my own meals, so I just eat whatever my partner makes, and they eat bad.

2. My partner said all this extra spending on organic foods and shopping at Whole Foods is 'bull shit' [yep a woman told me her husband said it exactly like this to her].

3. My partner doesn't believe in healthy eating. They think it's just a bunch of theory.

4. My partner is good at moderation, so there is more tempting foods for me in the house. I am not good at moderation, so my partner is hard on me, saying that I just need to do better at moderation and all my problems will resolve.

5. I don't sleep well because my partner snores.

6. I don't sleep well because my partner keeps the lights or tv on at night

9. Preparing food is an act of love in my culture. I don't want to hurt granny's feelings or make anyone feel 'disrespected' by not eating their food.

10. My family doesn't listen to me

For me, this is a topic that I find needs immediate attention, particularly when it comes to the partner. But it must be dealt with or you will probably have less success. Your loved ones are always there, so you have to get good at managing your health in spite of them.

Solutions:

1. I don't feel like preparing my own meals, so I just eat whatever my partner makes, and they eat bad -

a) Start preparing your own meals, or b) ask whoever is the cook in the house to prepare meals that are suitable for your health goals, even if that means they have to cook a separate dish for you. You think it's asking too much? You have to decide which is a greater consequence to you: the suffering endured from not asking, or the aggravation of your partner. c) order your food from a healthy restaurant daily - costly but at least you get what you need d) do a mix of all of these

2. My partner said all this extra spending on organic foods and shopping at Whole Foods is 'bull shit' [yep a woman told me her husband said it exactly like this to her] -

There is a high probability that your partner is speaking more from a selfish concern of their own funds dwindling for a reason that they don't believe in, so they are angry and defensive about it; versus a concern for you. They are also more than likely coming from a place of ignorance, thus boldly and confidently stating an opinion that is ultimately false. But in their favor, if you've had an unhealthy diet from the beginning, starting with just a whole foods diet (void of junk processed food) but non-organic will be cheaper and still beneficial. Be consistent with it for at least 6-9 months so you and your partner can notice the health benefits you achieve. Then they'll potentially be less aggravated when you progress to spending more on organic higher quality versions of the food you were already purchasing.

a) Your partner is entitled to their opinion, even if it's false. The common logic that comes from these types of people often stems from stories or people they've observed who've smoked and ate bad their whole life and are still kicking well at 80+ years old. What they're not taking into account is that they are not those people. Their genes, toxic load (including that passed on by their parents, meaning they could have more than their relatives had at their age), environment, food, stress levels, emotions, mentalities, etc. are different. So if they live this lifestyle, they're pretty much playing Russian roulette. It may work out, it may not. That doesn't mean you have to play along. Do you. Remember, you are still two individual people with individuals needs, even though you are in a 'union.' Honor yours. b) Your partner saying it's a bunch of theory is in itself their own theory. A person who says this usually doesn't have health problems unexplained or unsuccessfully treated by modern medicine, or that are debilitating enough for them to be open to natural medicine. They probably think gluten being bad for you is a theory because they don't have problems with gluten. If someone doesn't 'feel' something is off, they can be more prone to disbelief, theorizing, and rationalization, and thus be less sympathetic.

4. My partner is good at moderation, so there is more tempting foods for me in the house. I am not good at moderation, so my partner is hard on me, saying that I just need to do better at moderation and all my problems will resolve -

Some people are good at moderation. Some are better off avoiding. It doesn't make your partner 'better' than you. I've observed people who are good at moderation be quite judgmental of, or frown upon, those who aren't. They can also be more defensive about how 'good' they're doing at having a balanced diet. But quite frankly, after hearing they're interpretation of moderation, or just looking at their physique, sometimes I can tell that their 'moderation' could use improvement. There are reasons that moderation does not work for you, and those are worth discovering so that you can adjust to what helps you function best. There may be certain foods that you are great at moderation and others that you are not. For instance, I do not keep healthy sweets in the house because it is very difficult for me to eat just one or a few. I will spend the extra money to buy it in small amounts. Your partner could be right in that if you just observed moderation you'd be much better off. But help them understand that the process of moderation is more difficult for you and takes extra effort, and perhaps get them involved in helping you to be successful. As far as tempting foods in the house, ask your partner to hide them from you, or keep them under lock and key so that you cannot access them...but you have to be disciplined enough to not persuade your partner to let you have some. Sounds extreme, but if it works, well... :-) It worked for me.

5. I don't sleep well because my partner snores -

Do everything in your power to get your partner to stop snoring. Continue to search for new techniques until you find a healthy solution, even if that ultimately means sleeping in separate rooms or finding something comfortable to cover your ears at night. Your sleep is too important to 'let this slide' or 'just deal with it because it's part of being with someone.'

6. I don't sleep well because my partner keeps the lights or tv on at night -

See #5. Consider covering your eyes at night. When you see they're fast asleep, turn the tv/lights off. Teach them that this habit is not healthy in general for the human process of falling asleep, which I can gladly explain to them if they're not listening to you. Understand that this is probably a long-standing habit that may take time for them to adjust to, and thus they may be defensive and stubborn about it, but keep making the effort together. Habits can be broken and new habits formed if given enough effort and time. This also may take some professional counseling. Sometimes people sleep with lights and noise due to reasons stemming from childhood. Whatever the case, it's worth you sleeping better at night. Healing and optimal health requires fantastic sleep daily.

Have your family cook their own meals if they don't like what you've cooked for them. Once your kids are above age 9, they are more than capable of learning how to cook, so teach them. If you're not good at cooking, hire someone to teach them, or send them to your relative, good friend or neighbor who is. You can all cook at different times/days, and reheat when it's time for dinner. If your spouse reacts in such a way that they are not happy with this diversion from 'tradition,' don't worry, they'll get over it or adjust. Stick to your plan.

8. My partner thinks my health issues are all in my head -

Health issues are multi-factorial and there could definitely be mental/emotional/non-physical stress-related components. But that doesn't mean solely focus on that and eat candy bars all day. Mental, emotional and physical health are connected. Upsetting the physical health can negatively affect mental and emotional health too.

9. Preparing food is an act of love in my culture. I don't want to hurt granny's feelings or make anyone feel 'disrespected' by not eating their food -

This is an outdated mindset. Who's hurting worse and more long-term, you or them? Tell them that certain foods make you sick or gain weight (saying you're allergic works wonders by the way). Teach and show them that you can love them in a different way. I'm from the Southern part of the United States ('the South'). Many loved ones and friends have told me throughout my life to eat more food to put 'meat on my bones,' and most of them are now overweight or have health problems. If you've been diagnosed as dangerously underweight or anemic, that's a different story. Otherwise, this is usually not worth listening to, especially if you are from the South.

10. My family doesn’t listen to me -

Don't fret or take it personally. This is common. Many doctors do not treat their families because of this reason. We'll give them advice for years and they won't listen. Then they'll hear some stranger say the same thing, excitedly tell you the information like it's new, and change their ways. Again, just keep doing you.

If you are my client, I highly recommend bringing your loved ones in with you to a consultation. There are certain things I may be able to better explain in such a way that they will understand and be more supportive.

Something to consider: if your partner is in no way supportive of your health, look at your union as a whole and perhaps you will find it's not worth being with them anyway.

If that's not the case, understand that you are in this for the long haul and you have to be the captain of your own ship.