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Five Things I’ve Learned About Sex

I have been married for approximately three months, and although I do not claim to be an expert, I have learned a lot about sex! Here are five things I’ve learned.

Sex Is Not Dirty, It Is Beautiful

I was raised in a home where my parents would lovingly fast forward kissing scenes in movies to protect my brothers and I. Although this had its benefits, it was always difficult for me to understand that sex (whatever that was) was something beautiful. Something made by God for a married couple’s enjoyment and benefit. This confusion was reassured when my young teenage self stumbled upon pornography. How could something that made me feel so dirty and guilty be truly good, much less beautiful? As time went on, guilt and the associated dirty feelings continued to characterize my relationship with sex. If I became too sexual in a dating relationship I would feel a sharp tinge of guilt and condemnation. Although I longed for the sexual freedom marriage promised, I secretly wondered if it would also leave me feeling grimy. Thankfully I have learned that despite it’s great misuse and abuse, sex continues to be beautiful! It is the complete unification of two souls. Two people being 100% vulnerable and giving everything they have to each other. Two become one. One flesh. In the context of marriage, sex is too beautiful for words.

Sex Is Not Everything, It Is One Thing

The only place I directly and regularly heard about sex was at school. The dirty jokes I heard did not depict sex in a very pure or beautiful form to say the least. Any involvement of sex within my family or church community was almost always spoken about in a hush, mysterious way. Therefore it was left to hollywood, advertising, the education system and pornography to teach me about sex. Almost every movie (even the most innocent looking), advertising campaign or joke at school seemed to have at least a minute sexual element. This only made me think of it more. My world seemed completely obsessed with sex. Through marriage I have learned that sex is not everything, rather it is one piece of a delicious cake called marriage. It is completely wonderful, enjoyable and important, but it is not everything.

Sex Is Not About Lustful Dominance, It Is About Sacrificial Love

I recently read “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” (a story largely dealing with sexual abuse and rape) and at times felt incredibly overwhelmed with emotion. As tears rolled down my cheeks I reflected on how messed up and truly tragic sexual abuse and rape is. I had the impression that the emotions I was feeling and the tears that were flowing were not only my own. They were God’s. He gave humanity a truly breathetaking act which expresses true, sacrificial love in a way that is fabulously unique. Imagine how He suffers to see us twist it into a display of manipulative, lustful dominance! Imagine the pain God feels when he witnesses an animal like, casual, physical act without commitment or love. Sex is far deeper than we can ever imagine and should not be partaken in lighly. I’ve learned that it is deeply emotional, spiritual and tender. It is not about my gratification or pleasure alone, but about love. Sacrificial love.

Sex Is Not Always Easy

If you throw two naked people into a room with over forty years of combined sexual history and expect nothing to go wrong, you’re kidding yourself! There are are varying expectations, two very different bodies, and complex histories to deal with. Sex is a skill that has to be practiced and challenged. But beyond a doubt, sex is worth every difficulty.