Not too many mistakes as far as I can tell, but I'm not a native speaker ;)

Penny

Reviewer: KeeganSignedDate: December 16, 2006 - 08:31 am
Title: And On The Sixth Day

Absolutely adorable! I loved it!

Reviewer: OparuSignedDate: December 15, 2006 - 04:26 pm
Title: And On The Sixth Day

This would be interesting if you expand it. What did she get John? Did anyone else get anything fun? Some of the ideas seem like they could go somewhere, but I feel like I'm reading the back of a book in like somewhere instead of a story.

Reviewer: atlantis childSignedDate: December 15, 2006 - 04:23 pm
Title: And On The Sixth Day

yes...this is...uh...interesting... But it seems like more of a list than a story... I'd suggest that you take these six paragraphs and make them each into at least a chapter that's at least a page or two... Cuz right now it's like, what is this? Definately not a story. Possibly a beta could help you develop it? Also, you'll want to get your SGA right, because in The Real World we find out that Elizabeth's mother is her only living parent.