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Kate McCoy, Counselor

Category: Relationship

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Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

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How do I handle catching her in a lie, and her not admitting

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How do I handle catching her in a lie, and her not admitting to it?Here is the background: Last week, I looked through her facebook messages, and saw where she had been talking to her ex boyfriend, she did tell him all about me, and even said that this was the guy that she was going to hopefully marry. She does not know that I looked, I have yet to bring this up to her...I did ask her if she still had feelings for him, and she quickly said no, and that she just wanted to be with me. In the messages, he asked her if she wanted to meet up for lunch, and she said that she wanted to, but they never set a time or date. Well, later in the week, she texts me and said that she was going to be late getting home from work, because she and a friend were going to the mall....I just had a feeling that she was lying, but I told her to have a good time. She did text me a couple of times during this "trip," but was shorter than usual.....there is no doubt in my she was with him. During her "trip" to the mall, she did text me and say that she was hurrying, and asked if I was mad.....I said no, your just shopping huh, and she got defensive and said "what else would I be doing."

After she left the mall, she called me, and told me that she had "bumped" into her ex-boyfriend at the mall, and that she, her friend, and he talked for about 10 minutes. She told me that "it was not a big deal," and that they just happened to see each other. I told her that I just had a feeling that she was going to see him, and she assured me that they just ran into each other.....

On her way home, I would text her asking where she was on the road, and she would just respond....I just want to be in your arms. She called me a few minutes later crying, and said that she and her mother had just got into an argument....I've never heard her cry before. We talked a little that night, and she kept telling me that it was a chance encounter. I could not accept this, and thought about it all night...she kept asking me what was wrong, and I would tell her I was just tired.

The next morning, while she was at work, I texted her and asked if this meeting was arranged, and she said it was not, and gave me a very detailed story about how this happened.....she assured me that she loved me, that she would never lie to me, and that she would never cheat or hurt me..... I want to believe her, but I still doubted her story.....

Sunday morning, we were going through new years pictures on her camera, and I saw a picture of her ex's dog, and she immediatley started saying that it was her friends neighbors dog..etc, but she realized that she had to be honest, and said that he had his dog in the car at the mall......Well, here was the deal....where that picture was taken was NOT the mall parking lot.....I asked her were the other cars were, and why the parking spaces were painted yellow instead of white......I even pulled a picture up from the malls website showing the white parking spaces instead of the yellow ones......she started crying, and still stuck to her story 100%.......she promised me again that she loved me, and that she would never lie or cheat on me.....

When she went to get a shower, I looked at her phone again, and there was a message from her exes sister asking my gf if she had by chance met up with her ex....the message was not responded to.

I looked again last night, and she had deleted her facebook messages from her ex, and her exes sister......I'm thinking as a cover up....

I did tell my gf that the easiester way to prove this was to drive to the mall, and show me the yellow parking spaces where they were, in my mind, that would clear all of this up, she said we could do that, but it would hurt her more than anything.......and then she went on telling me that she wishes that I could trust her more, and that she would never lie or cheat on me.......

I really don't know what to make of this.....she is in the process of moving in, and is always telling me how happy she is, and that she can't wait until we are a family, and that she loves me more than anything.......On one hand, I am thinking that she did meet up as friends, but did not want to tell me for fear of making me upset, so just lied about it......on the other, I'm thinking that if she lied, she still has feelings for this guy, and I am setting myself up to get hurt........I love this girl, and WANT to believe her story, but I cannot......nothing is adding up....what shoud I do? I know that talking to her about this is just upsetting her, and if by some very small chance, I am wrong, that is the last thing I want to do........

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