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“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”

–Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation-

Watching Christmas Vacation in this house pretty much signifies that the holiday season is in full swing.

I set out big pot of white bean and spinach soup, maple cinnamon popcorn, and a couple cherry and pomegranate martinis.

Then we slurped, crunched, and sipped our way through all the Griswold shenanigans.

In a perfect Christmas world, I would have a cup of old-fashioned egg nog sloshing around a Marty the Moose glass in one hand, and a big old piece of rich chocolate fudge in the other hand.

So when I was thinking of what to make for the husband’s birthday, it seemed like a terrible idea to have an entire cake seducing us with it’s rich, chocolatey aroma.

Cupcakes seemed like a reasonable alternative for their perfect little portion controlled cakelettes, but the idea of 12 cupcakes lingering on my kitchen counter was enough to make my insulin jump just thinking about it.

So I took a little foray into small batch baking.

And came up with a recipe that makes four svelte servings of chocolate brownie cupcakes.

Not wanting to dirty up an entire cupcake pan, I poured the batter right into four ounce mason jars.

And when they emerged from the oven all cupcake and crackely, I heaped on some brandied cherry topping.

Because I can’t pipe frosting to save my life.

And I can’t make frosting if I use all the powdered sugar practicing my skillz.

SMALL -BATCH BLACK FOREST

BROWNIE CUPCAKES

(Makes 4 cupcakes)

For the cherry topping:

1 (12 oz.) bag of frozen cherries

1/4 cup sugar

2 teaspoons arrowroot starch

1-2 teaspoons brandy

For the cupcakes:

Want a more traditional cupcake? Omit the baking chocolate in the batter.

1/3 cup all-purpose flour

1/4 cup sugar

2 tablespoons cocoa powder

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

pinch salt

1 oz. baking chocolate, chopped

1 tablespoon canola oil

1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

1/4 cup non-dairy milk, warmed

To make the topping:

Cook cherries and sugar over medium heat until heated through.

Add arrowroot starch and boil for one minute.

Remove from heat and stir in brandy.

Transfer to a container and refrigerate until ready to use.

To make the cupcakes:

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.

Sift together flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt.

Stir in the chopped chocolate.

Make sure to give the chocolate a good chop. This will make it easier for it to melt into the batter when you add the warm milk.

You might be wondering what the difference between cocoa powder and black cocoa powder is.

Here’s a visual:

Cocoa powder.

Black cocoa powder.

Black cocoa powder tastes like Oreo cookies.

Find some.

I SAID FIND SOME!

Just in case you can’t find any, feel free to use 3-4 tablespoons of regular (i.e. boring) cocoa powder.***

(***UPDATE: After a careful comparison of about 22 spoonfuls of brownie batter dip, it NEEDS the black cocoa powder. Fear not! I will be working on a new recipe for those folks that can’t find the black cocoa powder!).

Since the coffee flavor is prominent in this cookie, make sure to use a high quality bean. If you have extra because you don't regularly use whole beans, you can put the leftovers in glass vases and have a great smelling centerpiece.

Roll a heaping tablespoon of dough into a ball and place on a cookie sheet.

Tidbit: These look much better if you take the time to roll them into balls instead of just dropping the dough on the cookie sheet.

Bake at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes.

The cookies will be very soft when they come out of the oven. Let them cool completely before shoving them in your face.

Bag the evidence.

Don’t forget the K-9 unit.

Thank you to all of the men and women who work hard to keep our community safe.

Date -Night Bark

12 oz. semi-sweet chocolate

1/4 cup dates, chopped

1/4 cup dried tart cherries, chopped

1/4 cup almonds, chopped

Melt chocolate in a double boiler on the stove or in the microwave. If using the microwave, be sure to stop and stir the chocolate every 30 seconds until melted. Spread melted chocolate in an even layer on a baking sheet lined with wax paper. Top with dates, cherries, and almonds and gently press into the chocolate. Allow chocolate to harden completely and then break into pieces.