This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The R Word

The police take accusations of RACISM very seriously. Never more seriously than when the accusation is levelled at the police themselves. In fact, in Blandshire Constabulary we have several people whose sole job is to deal with complaints of racism.Here is a quick guide as to what you can expect when you phone in your complaint that the cop who arrested you last night was RACIST:

An inspector round to your house to take a written complaint.

A Detective Inspector allocated to the investigation.

The DI will dig around and produce an assortment of police officers of varying ranks to be included in the investigation, whether or not they were the subject of your complaint. If possible, this selection will include a non-white officer, because they can be RACIST too.

Formal notices will go out to each officer concerned to let them know they are under investigation. Until this is resolved, they won't be able to transfer forces, so they can't escape retribution that way.

Evidence will be gathered to show that the officers are RACIST, preferably including records of previous cases where someone involved was not white.

Each officer will be interviewed formally and accused of RACISM. They will also be accused of UNWITTING RACISM.

Each officer will deny RACISM or UNWITTING RACISM.

The DI will personally update you of the results of the investigation. This will usually be that they have uncovered some mistakes and incompetence, but cannot prove any RACISM whatsoever. But they have a big pack of paper to prove that they took RACISM very seriously.

You will go away none-the-wiser, but feeling greatly encouraged that you have certainly upset a lot of people.

In case you are wondering how this differs from the process used to deal with incompetence, particularly among sergeants and above, here is that process:

Several people notice that a particular sergeant/inspector or above is particularly incompetent.

Their mistakes are discussed at great length.

A lot of people moan and bicker about them.

The sergeant/inspector is promoted.

Finally the sergeant/inspector does something so unbelievably stupid that somebody dies.

Another sergeant/inspector who had nothing to do with the incident resigns.

As you can see, our processes for dealing with both RACISM and INCOMPETENCE are highly robust.

I know that there are racist coppers. I haven't met any, or known I was meeting them. There are also numerous incompetent and lazy coppers. They don't hide it as well.

Either way, I can guarantee you that nothing taught to us in training, handed down to us by supervisors, or demonstrated to us in disciplinary proceedings, has any noticeable effect on any of it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in all good bookstores and online.

The race card gets pulled so often nowadays, I don't even try arguing against the accusation anymore. I stop someone pissing against a tree in the street - I'm racist. I nick a burglar climbing out a window - I'm a racist. I nick a drink driver after blowing red - I'm a racist. I nick 3 robbers pointed out by the victim - I'm a racist.

Most people on my team now shout bingo (and put both arms up in classic mock exclamation) and let the complainant know to the minute how long it took them to pull it from first being spoken to as we know it WILL happen regardless of the reason for the stop. Thanks MacPherson, nice to know I'm an accidental unwitting institutional racist.

By the way.1)NAOMI Campbell is facing the prospect of legal action from staff at British Airways - after accusing them of racism, after her conviction for assaulting two policemen.2)The country's most senior Asian police officer has accused his own force of racial discrimination. Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur is preparing a legal case against the Metropolitan Police.

concerned: you shouldn't be so concerned and read the news more. Naomi Campbell said someone on the plane, not a passenger, called her a "Gollywog model" when in fact it is more likely she's just a raving abusive, aggressive, spoilt loon playing the race card. Using the racist/race card is all the rage and in some cases works in shutting down any opposition.

really concerned? we're not just pissed off with being called a racist for taking exactly the same action with everyone but being accused of racist for it?? I have even been accused by white people of being racist because "I only nicked him because he was white and was trying not to be racist"

There's a delicious irony in Met Commissioner Ian Blair being dragged before an industrial tribunal accused of racial discrimination. For some reason, the words 'petard' and 'hoist' spring to mind.

Short of converting to Islam and turning up at Scotland Yard in a Bob Marley T-shirt, no one could have done more to prostrate himself in front of the altar of diversity.

Most people think that's how he got the job in the first place. So it's no great surprise to discover that he's 'hurt' at finding himself facing these allegations.

'There's not a racist bone in Ian's body,' said one of his sympathisers.

Unfortunately, that's no longer any defence. According to the definition established by the Macpherson Inquiry, which Blair backed to the hilt as he greased his way up the promotion ladder, 'racism' doesn't have to be intentional. It doesn't even have to be real.

All that is required is for someone - not necessarily the 'victim' - to interpret an action as 'racist'.

Guilty as charged. Take him down. So he's on a hiding to nothing now that his Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur has decided to sue.

From the arrest on trumped up charges of Mark Daly, (the courageous undercover reporter who exposed the extent of racism in the Greater Manchester Police) we can see just how far the racists will go to protect themselves.

I hope Mark Daly obtained a great deal of cash compensation from the Chief Constable of Manchester for his unlawful arrest.

The people in the undercover sting where three weeks from being civilians, they brought their attitudes with them from outside. Any policeman with those attitudes has learnt to keep them to himself.Concerned; you are exactly the sort of person these posts refer to, pity you weren't about in the thirties, you would have been an excellent party member