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18 November 2011

I am a single man( 50 years old) from Jerusalem, I’m looking for a nice, serious girl 40 years old (prefer single) to marry. If you are

the Devil Explains

I’m playing with a new set of characters. The Devil teaching his young students about human beings and how they behave.

your reaction?

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

MAD or Crazy

The Telegraph reported on Ahmadinejad in a piece entitled “Divine mission’ driving Iran’s new leader” in a report which began:

“When an aircraft crashed in Teheran last month, killing 108 people, Mr Ahmadinejad promised an investigation. But he also thanked the dead, saying: “What is important is that they have shown the way to martyrdom which we must follow.”

and goes on to cover Ahmadinejad’s UN appearance:

“World leaders had expected a conciliatory proposal to defuse the nuclear crisis after Teheran had restarted another part of its nuclear programme in August.

Instead, they heard the president speak in apocalyptic terms of Iran struggling against an evil West that sought to promote “state terrorism”, impose “the logic of the dark ages” and divide the world into “light and dark countries”.

The speech ended with the messianic appeal to God to “hasten the emergence of your last repository, the Promised One, that perfect and pure human being, the one that will fill this world with justice and peace”.

In a video distributed by an Iranian web site in November, Mr Ahmadinejad described how one of his Iranian colleagues had claimed to have seen a glow of light around the president as he began his speech to the UN.

“I felt it myself too,” Mr Ahmadinejad recounts. “I felt that all of a sudden the atmosphere changed there. And for 27-28 minutes all the leaders did not blink…It’s not an exaggeration, because I was looking.

“They were astonished, as if a hand held them there and made them sit. It had opened their eyes and ears for the message of the Islamic Republic.”

Western officials said the real reason for any open-eyed stares from delegates was that “they couldn’t believe what they were hearing from Ahmadinejad”.

Their sneaking suspicion is that Iran’s president actually relishes a clash with the West in the conviction that it would rekindle the spirit of the Islamic revolution and – who knows – speed up the arrival of the Hidden Imam.” -more

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

TV News (1981)

November 20, 1981For today’s Golden Oldie, I thought I’d rummage around and see what I was up to thirty years ago this month. I found this cartoon which had been published on November 20, 1981.

The Israel that Mr. Shuldig lived in (back in 1981) had only one TV Channel!

Yikes!

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

the Syrian Army

It continues to look like the West refuses to recognize that there is a religious war currently gripping the world …and that refusal to see the obvious is what makes Western strategies so laughingly out of step with reality.

Another aspect of the current situation is revealed by to understanding that Assad’s Syria is a client state of Iran. So the suspension of Syria’s membership in the Arab League is simply drawing the lines between the Sunni Arabs and the Iranian Shiites.

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

Turning Point

History can be seen as slow evolution and subtle change, or it can be seen as a series of major “turning points”. I think that history will note the world’s ignoring of the Iranian threat as one of those turning points!

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

Some golden oldies

THE CITIZENSHIP TEST Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam in his English as a Second Language class. He was asked to spell “cultivate,” and he spelled it correctly. He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and, with a big smile, responded: “Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home.”

THE SINKING BOAT Two Jews, Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul says to Morty, “So listen, Morty, you know I don’t swim so well.” Morty remembers how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid, so he begins tugging Saul toward shore. After ten minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 100 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, “So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?” Saul replies, “Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!”

SHIVA An old Jewish man was dying in the hospital. His family – wife, children, grandchildren – came to see him, but only one was allowed in the room at a time. Grandson Ben went in first. “Hello, Grampa Moishe. Can I do something for you?” “Yes,” said Grampa Moishe. Go tell Gramma Sadie I want some of her delicious chopped liver that she made yesterday. Ben went out and told Gramma Sadie, who said, “Go tell Grampa Moishe he can’t have any chopped liver. It would kill him.” Ben went back in and reported what she’d said. “You tell Gramma Sadie I want the chopped liver. I’m dying anyway and it won’t make any difference.” Ben went and told Gramma Sadie, who said, “Go tell Grampa Moishe he can’t have any. The chopped liver is for the Shiva.”

THE PARKING SPACE Moishe is driving in Jerusalem. He’s late for a meeting, he’s looking for a parking place, and can’t find one. In desperation, he turns towards heaven and says: “Lord, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I’ll eat only kosher, respect Shabbos, and all the holidays.” Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him. He turns his face up to heaven and says, “Never mind, I just found one!”

THE MEZUZAHS A wealthy Jewish man buys a fabulous home in Beverly Hills. He brings in a local workman to decorate the place. When the job is finished, the homeowner is delighted but realizes that he’s forgotten to put mezuzahs on the doors. He goes out and buys 50 mezuzahs and asks the decorator to place them on the right hand side of each door except bathrooms and kitchens. He’s really worried that the decorator will chip the paint work or won’t put them up correctly. However, when he comes back a few hours later, he sees that the job has been carried out to his entire satisfaction. He’s so pleased that he gives the decorator a bonus. As the decorator is walking out of the door he says, “Glad you’re happy with the job. By the way, I took out all the warranties in the little boxes and left them on the table for you!”

MEAL TIME ON EL-AL It was mealtime during a flight on El-Al. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front. “What are my choices?” Moishe asked. “Yes or no,” she replied.

PHILANTHROPY A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, “Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?” “No,” replied the guide. “It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer.” “Never heard of him. What did he write?” “A check”, replied the guide.

CHANUKAH STAMPS A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. She says to the clerk “May I have 50 Chanukah stamps please.” “What denomination?” says the clerk. The woman says “Oy vey…my god, has it come to this? Okay, give me 6 orthodox, 12 conservative and 32 reform!”

MOISHE

Moishe Goldberg was heading out of the Synagogue one day, and as always Rabbi Mendel was standing at the door, shaking hands as the congregation departed. The rabbi grabbed Moishe by the hand, pulled him aside and whispered these words at him: “You need to join the Army of God!” Moishe replied: “I’m already in the Army of God, Rabbi.” The rabbi questioned: “How come I don’t see you except for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?”

Moishe whispered back: “I’m in the secret service.”

PONDERISMS1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that mostpeople die of natural causes.2. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.3. Life is sexually transmitted.4. Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one candie.5. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying inhospitals dying of nothing.7. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days noone talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays noattention to criticism.10. In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now theworld is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.11. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but ittakes a whole box to start a campfire?12. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I thinkI’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out’?13. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a songabout him?14. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed ifthey are going to look up there anyway?15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?16. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made fromvegetables, then what is baby oil made from?17. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?18. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrivefaster?19. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?Do you ever wonder why you subscribed to this blog?