Mental illness is what it says; it is an illness of the mind in which a person to
some degree loses control over aspects of their thoughts and / or their feelings.
It can be very mild - such as mild depression when things look much worse than they
are - or very severe - for example when a person’s life is totally dominated by an
illness such as schizophrenia, and they cannot live independently.

It is estimated that mental illness will affect 1 in 4 of us at some time in our
lives. When a person is mentally healthy they feel good about themselves; they can
do everyday things easily, like going to school or work, and enjoying their hobbies
and friends. Even when things go wrong, they can usually sort it out themselves,
although this may not be easy.

When someone becomes mentally ill, they may find everyday things very difficult to
do and they may feel confused and upset a lot of the time. They may do things that
seem normal to them, but to other people watching they may seem strange.

How many children have a parent with mental illness?

Many children will grow up with a parent who, at some point, will have some degree
of mental illness. Most of these parents will have mild or short-lived illnesses,
and will usually be treated by their GP.

A few children live with a parent who has a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia
or bipolar disorder. In fact 68% of women and 57% of men with a mental illness are
parents. In addition many children live with a parent who has long-term mental health
problems, as well as alcohol or drug problems and personality disorders.

Why do children living with a parent with mental illness have difficulties?

Children can often cope well with all sorts of life upsets, especially if:

The problem is short lived and does not keep repeating

They can understand what is happening and as much as possible why

Parents cannot control the fact that some illness, especially mental illnesses, can
last a longer time, and may come back. However some parents may try to protect their
children from their illness by keeping it a secret or as ‘something’ which cannot
be asked about or explained.

Although this is often done for good reasons, it is a mistake and can make it more
difficult for the children to cope with or to manage their own feelings.

In these situations many children will worry that:

They are to blame for their parent’s illness. This may lead to them feeling depressed

They may develop the same illness. Although for some conditions, the risk of having
similar illness can be higher within families, this can be reduced if the child is
helped to see that they are not part of the illness, and they are able to have a
good relationship with their parents, peers or any other adults who can be trusted
and helps them. Understanding the illness helps the child to achieve this

For some children situations where it is more difficult for them to cope are when
the children:

are separated again and again from a parent who needs to go into hospital for treatment

are living with a parent who is very unwell and treated at home

feel unsure of their relationship with the parent with a mental illness

are not being looked after properly

are being hit or mistreated (this is more likely if the parent suffers from alcohol
or drug problems or has personality difficulties)

are having to look after an ill parent, or are taking care of brothers and sisters,
and missing school

are being teased or bullied by others

hear unkind things being said about their ill parent

Even when children have all the right support and explanation, they may still feel
upset, frightened, worried by, or ashamed of their parent's illness or behaviour
at times.

What problems can children develop?

Some children withdraw into themselves, become anxious and find it hard to concentrate
on their school work. They may find it very difficult to talk about their parent's
illness or their problems especially when they have had no explanation of their illness.
This may stop them from getting help. Children are often ashamed of their parent's
illness and worry about becoming ill themselves. They can be preoccupied with fears
of ‘catching’ the illness and some children can show signs of a similar illness or
severe emotional problems.

They can have physical health problems and struggle with school and their education,
especially when they live with parents in poverty, poor housing or have an unstable
life.

What can I do to help?

There are some steps that can be taken to try and help avoid these problems and to
make the child or young person's life easier. For example:

Having a reliable, consistent and caring parent or other adult they can talk to

Being given information and explanation about their parent's illness

Encouraging and supporting the child in their everyday routine, like attending school,
playing and doing things like their peers

If you are a parent with a mental health problem, it is important that you make sure
you have the right help. You can discuss your child’s needs for care and support,
especially when you are unwell, with your doctor or the professional treating you.
All mental health professionals involved in the care of an ill parent should ask
about the needs of the children in the household, and whether any further help is
required, even if the parent is not being treated in hospital.

A child may really value the chance to talk about their parent's illness, and their
fears, with a professional who is familiar with these things.

It is important for parents and teachers to be aware of the possible stresses on
the young person with an ill parent, and to recognise that a child's difficult behaviour
may be a cry for help:

The GP or a social worker can help with support and practical help for the family
in caring for the child or young person, and give advice and work with other professionals
if there are problems that are harming the child's health or development

The child could join a local group (sometimes also called ‘young carers’), specifically
for the children and young people who care for their parents or siblings

Some children may be offered therapy or counselling. A lot of children will not be
very happy about this as they assume it means that they are either the ‘problem’
or that they will develop the illness. Young carers groups avoid this problem as
the children are respected as helping their parent.

If the child or young person has severe emotional or behavioural problems that interfere
with their life and that don't seem to be improving, more specialist help may be
needed. Their GP will be able to advise about local services and to refer a young
person, if necessary, to the local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS).
This service usually includes child and adolescent psychiatrists, psychologists,
psychotherapists, nurses and social workers.