Trying to get with my daughter's mother, but not sure how?

My relationship with this woman has been complicated since we met. I knew she liked me since high school, she was so obvious. We we're never close because she was really shy around me and I just can't with people like that. She was not drunk when she lost her virginity to me at my college graduation party in 2013 and the morning she left was the last time I saw her until now. She did message me on Facebook and tell me she was pregnant some months later, she said she didn't want to burden me because my career was just beginning. And I admit I'm an assho1e for agreeing to that. After that she moved somewhere else, even her best friend didn't know and she wouldn't tell me. Over the years she kept in touch, she would always send me pictures of our daughter. I got a text from her on Friday saying she was in town with our daughter. So I left work and arranged to meet her immediately and I did. I've seen them both in the pictures she sent me but actually seeing them there in front of me made something click. The thought of settling down has been bouncing back on forth in my head long before I saw them. And now after spending a day with them, they're the only thing that pops up in my head when I think of family and settling down. I jokingly asked her about 'my daughter's stepdad' and she laughed and asked me if I wanted her to find one. I'm 28, I really want to settle down but I need help on where to begin especially with my baby mama.

32 Answers

Tell her you wanna get to know them better but be prepared for it if it doesn't work out, be prepared to try and get 50 /50 so you can both still see your daughter, and be prepared for your baby's mom to be very resentful and still be hurt over you agreeing to not be around them. You basically said in a nutshell that they were a burden to you without saying it when you agreed to that because you said that she told you she didn't wanna burden you. I guarantee you she was actually hoping that you would say her being pregnant was not a burden. You have a lot of lost time to make up for and making up to do so don't expect it to be all sunshine and roses and don't expect everyday to be an easy day. You also can't rush her she will forgive you, open up to you, and trust you when she's ready rushing her is futile.

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Anonymous

11 months ago

Stop typing and go after what you want. Most girls will have sex with anything with enough tequila in them

1. is this the family that you, baby mama and your daughter actually want ( it's not going to be all about what you want)

2. is there any real connection between you all other than genetics ( you don't say how old your daughter is, how you feel towards baby mama given your earlier definite doubts)

3. are you prepared to commit to this family and do what is necessary to build relationships between you (it's not a ready-made family for you, you are not currently part of it and they have a life without you)

4. what will you do if it doesn't work out?

Ultimately, it may not work out however don't make the mistake of thinking that if you don't get with baby mama, this excuses you from your fathering responsibilities. Don't repeat *** behaviour towards your daughter.