Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Presidency of Dunces

It's a mystery to me why anyone would ever want to be the President of the United States. That basically sounds like the worst job ever. Let me tell you, as someone who has experience in politics (Junior Class President '02-'03), representing a group of people BLOWS. Someone hates you at all times. No matter what you do.

For example, say you try to be all diplomatic and shit and let people vote on your Powder Puff team name, even though you already had an awesome one in mind (Whopper Juniors): somehow you'll end up with the name JUVENILE JUNIORS (as in the rapper) and a SMOKING BABY on your jersey. And then people will all be like, "I don't want to wear that!" And then you'll be like, "Don't tell me, tell the rest of the class who voted for it!" And they'll all be like, "Whatever, I'm not really into politics anyway," or something.

But seriously, how was this allowed in school?

People will also call you Stalin when you walk down the hall. Because, you know, somehow your Spirit Week plans are relative to those of a RUSSIAN DICTATOR.

In summary, you will be slandered all day, 'er day. And you will hate your life and you will have no free time and relatively few friends. And you will spend prom crying because the guitarist in the band you hired had to go to the hospital after a freak accident caused a guitar string to lodge itself into his hand. And then your term will end and you won't run again because that shit fucking sucked and why do you care about group of people who legitimately want to wear a smoking baby on their shirt anyway?

What I'm trying to say is that it's astonishing to me that either of the current presidential candidates actually wants the job they're campaigning for. And also, I can't fucking wait for this election to be over.