Kristin Davis: Adoption Was Always a Possibility

Kristin Davis admits she was petrified when she held daughter Gemma Rose in her arms for the first time.

“It is terrifying, partly because with adoption you always know there’s the chance that it won’t work. So you’re on pins and needles,” the Of Two Minds actress, 47, tells Anderson Cooper on an episode of his show airing Thursday.

“They tell you that when [your child] first comes, you should think of it as babysitting in case the birth mom changes her mind,” she explains.

“Every state is different, but in [California] it’s 48 hours. So you’re trying to think that you’re a babysitter but that’s kind of impossible!”
The Sex and the City star welcomed her daughter last summer, but admits the process wasn’t easy.

“I had always thought in the back of my head that I would adopt — that it was a possibility,” Davis says. “So I started the process … but it’s quite confusing. There are all these different rules and if you’re single it’s harder.”

She enlisted the help of Dr. Jane Aronson — dubbed the “orphan doctor” — who encouraged her to pursue domestic adoption and guided her through the process. While Davis wound up with a “beautiful healthy daughter,” her worrying hasn’t stopped.

“When I first got her I would sleep with her on my chest, because when you adopt you’re very concerned about bonding,” the actress notes. “You’re not supposed to have comforters or anything around, obviously, because they could suffocate.”

“So every night I would have these nightmares that she’s under the comforter. I still — seven months later — have that. I’ll wake up and be like, ‘Where’s Gemma? Where’s Gemma?’ … and she’s in her crib, safe and sound.”

I am so glad it all worked out. I think where I live, the birth mother has 6 weeks to change her mind….agony for adoptive parents! Gemma is a beautiful baby. They are lucky to have found each other.

Tee
on March 7th, 2012

I can’t imagine how stressful that time of waiting must be!

kendrajoi
on March 7th, 2012

She should have named her Shayla. LOL Love Kristen!

Shannon
on March 7th, 2012

Only 48 hours?

Anonymous
on March 8th, 2012

She sounds like a great mother, and I love that she discussed how agonizing it can be during the waiting period where the birth mother csn change her mind. Hopefully her comments will help people to understand some people choose to adopt internationally instead of domestically (international adoption can be difficult, too, but at least there you don’t need to worry about the birth mom changing her mind!). 🙂

Also, Dr. Aronson sounds like quite a remarkable woman. I know she’s worked with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt as well, and was the doctor who basically saved their daughter Zahara’s life. Go, Dr. Aronson!

Amy
on March 8th, 2012

Beautiful baby! They are blessed to have each other.

Marky
on March 8th, 2012

Glad this adoption went through, and the biological mother made a choice that was right for Gemma Rose. It is a scary time if the baby is placed during the “probationary period”, and the adoptive parents are so terrified their new daughter or son will be taken away. Gemma is really cute, and looks so happy!

Jillian
on March 8th, 2012

Shannon, In CA a birth mom cant give consent for adoption until she is discharged from thd hospital which is typically 48 hrs. In CA adoptions the agency and birth parent determine the time frame of when the adoption becomes legal. It varies from person to person. Some elect to have it take place 48 hrs after birth and some at 6 months (like my cousins).

Mary

Karen
on March 8th, 2012

What a precious face! Congratulations!

Patty
on March 8th, 2012

What a beauty she is. Especially the eyes. Best “mommy” wishes to Kristen.

KatieK
on March 8th, 2012

I LOVE Kristen Davis. Congratulations! you are going to be a great mom.

Donna
on March 8th, 2012

In Maryland – years ago & don’t know if it’s changed – the birth mother had 90 days to change her mind. I had friends who had been matched with a beautiful baby girl. On the 89th day, the birth mother decided she wanted to keep the baby. To this day, it brings tears to my eyes, remembering the devastation of my friends.

At that point, they made the decision to adopt internationally, as they knew they couldn’t go through the pain of losing another child in the same manner. They now have three beautifu children, adopted from Korea, but still miss the little girl they loved so dearly for those few short months.

Danielle
on March 8th, 2012

ADOPTION IS A WONDERFUL THING……you are giving a chance of a normal life to a baby that’s been rejected by her biological mother……!

jones
on March 8th, 2012

The picture is beautiful. You can tell how much Kristin adores Gemma in it.

Julianna
on March 8th, 2012

Adoption is a selfless decision. You open your heart and your life for a child, not knowing if it’s really going to come through. Celebrities not making it sound all sunshine and rainbows makes it easier for people to understand how the whole process runs. Congratulations for Kristin and Gemma for having found each other. Gemma is an adorable little girl.

Kim
on March 8th, 2012

Beautiful little baby, but personally I think babies should be adopted into a family of the same color.

What does this woman know about black culture? She probably won’t even know how to care for the childs hair properly without help. MY opinion.

Lisa
on March 8th, 2012

Beautiful baby girl, beautiful name! I just love reading happy stories like this-yes, there was and will be stress for Ms. Davis, but it looks as though there is a perfect match between she and Gemma Rose. Blessings to them both!

Leslie
on March 8th, 2012

Danielle,

Rejected by her natural Mother??? Do you know them personally-do you know that she rejected or abandoned this baby-NO, you do not. I am a birth mother and I am an adoptive mother and as such your comment appalled me.

I know that this is a forum to say whatever pops into people’s minds-an attempt to gain your 15 mins of whatever-and sadly, I am giving in to that-but you are really a small person if you believe what you wrote.

I am a counselor and have worked on both sides of this issue for 25 years and can tell you that in about 95% of my experience-birth mothers make the choices they do for the benefit of their children-not themselves and most never fully get over the loss.

It’s generally best to practice what your mother should have taught you-if you have nothing nice to say-then say nothing.

Anonymous
on March 8th, 2012

Great story! Congrats to mom and baby!

I love that she always knew that adoption was a possibility!

I feel the same way! Too bad my husband doesn’t feel the same. Not everyone can do it. When my divorce is finalized, I hope I will be able to adopt a child of my own.

Angie
on March 8th, 2012

Good for you, there’s no other feeling than that of being a MOM…

Charli
on March 8th, 2012

Really wonderful story. I hope to adopt someday. Adoption is such a wonderful thing and she clearly has so much love in her heart.

nacho
on March 8th, 2012

if she is already worried, then she is a mother. Congrats to her!

Jack's Mom
on March 8th, 2012

What a wonderful gal and lucky baby.

She is incorrect to say any one process is easier than another. It took us 3 1/2 years to adopt and we were a hetero married couple! It’s very difficult no matter what your story. Especially if you want an American baby. That’s why people go over seas to adopt, the bureaucracy is overwhelming. If you’re single there’s a set of challenges, if you’re married, you get judged if you already have kids (and thus experience), and if you don’t have kids there’s challenges too.

The real issue is that the American adoption process needs to be improved upon, with protections in place for the baby,the birth parents and adoptive parents. And the pro-life movement needs to make sure it stands behind easier adoption processes to get babies into the best loving homes possible. Birth mothers are to be celebrated for their choices to keep their babies, and supported too.

Way to go Ms. Davis, just showing that adoption is a way to grow your family no matter the story is a positive thing in itself.

valaval
on March 8th, 2012

to Danielle on March 8th, 2012
I would use caution with the word rejection.

Liz
on March 8th, 2012

I’m so happy for Kristin, she seems to be glowing with happiness!

I laughed at her having the dreams about the baby being under the comforter-I did the EXACT same thing for months and months…!

She seems like a very loving mom, congrats!!

Sheryl
on March 8th, 2012

@Kim. You’ll be back to read the comments–trolls can never avoid coming back. I say go suck rotten eggs–you ignorant tramp. Hair is the least thing to be concerned about when giving a child a home. Simple aZZ.

ruby
on March 8th, 2012

This is so sweet! I would love to adopt, but we already have two children and my husband says no more kids.

Anonymous
on March 8th, 2012

In Canada the waiting period for a birth mother to change her mind is 6 months.

Lisa
on March 8th, 2012

To Danielle, and anyone else who feels that birth parents “reject” their children, let me tell you my story.

When I was in my 20’s, I ended up pregnant by my then fiance’ who, when faced with the prospect of true commitment, proceeded to beat the living crap out of me.

I did what I had to, I left him and moved in with my parents in another state. Diagnosed with high blood pressure and unable to work due to bed rest, I knew I had nothing to offer my soon-to-be daughter, and that if I kept her, my parents, then in their 50’s, would be raising her.

So, hard as it was, I gave her up for adoption. I picked the best parents I could, and settled for a closed adoption as open adoptions were rare back then. Even up to the day she was born, my parents told me I could change my mind, it was not too late. But I knew that would be the “selfish” act of an egotistical unemployed, high school graduate who would have a hard time raising her and would probably end up at my parent’s house for years.

To this day, I cry in October, missing her, but I know I made the best choice – as a mother today, I realize how much sacrifice goes into raising a child, and I feel that I made at least that much sacrifice when I gave up my daughter for adoption.

I am now in my 50’s, and love my 15-year old son more than life itself. And being married, with a college degree and a good-paying career, I was in a much better position to be a parent. My mom still tells me that giving up Lauren was my most shining moment, and I now agree with her – giving up your child to a better life than you can provide is the most selfless thing anyone can do.

Birth mothers are amazing people – they have hearts of gold, and a true sense of love of a child. So NEVER assume, especially as you’ve never been there, that giving up a child is “rejecting” a child – talk to me when you’ve done it, and tell me what you think of your actions then, after walking a mile in my (and many other women’s) shoes.

I have adopted 5 special needs children as a single Mother and it’s not easy. 2 from Poland and 3 from California. The hardest part is support, you have to have a great support system. Single parenthood is hard but it is sooooo worth the efforts, she is lucky she has financial security. Nurse’s don’t make as much as actors…..Congratulations on a beautiful baby girl.

Kairy
on March 8th, 2012

Lisa you were in your 20s, not high school! Sounds to me like you did the selfish thing to me not selfless. If I was your daughter and ever found you I would be ashamed you were my mother.

mary
on March 8th, 2012

Kim – Firstly there are not enough willing black couples to adopt the black children up for adoption.

Secondly, what a petty thing to be concerned with. Hair? Really. It’s something a loving parent can learn.

I do not see Adoption as giving a child a home due to some birth Mother “rejecting” it… Rejection is a very cruel word for someone else’s pain.

Being a mother of such a diverse family, and loving every one of my children, with all my heart; I would far rather THANK those birth Mothers for their selflessness and for the priceless gifts they gave me..

If not for them, I would not have had the honor of having my three precious adopted children, (and their children, “my Grandchildren”, in my life..

Anonymous
on March 8th, 2012

Why is there no report abuse button so Kairy’s comment can be removed for being horribly judgemental.

Lisa G.
on March 8th, 2012

Lisa, your story gave me goose bumps. You absolutely did the right thing. Please, please do not listen to horrible people like Kairy.

Joanne
on March 8th, 2012

To Kairy- Lisa stated she was in her 20s but with only a high school education and no employment she was implying she didn’t have much opportunity to offer a child.

Your comments are immature. I think you should hold off on commenting until you have a child and truly understand the decisions that have to be made by parents to ensure the well being of your child. The worry of if you are doing what is right.

It’s not an easy decision to put your child for adoption and it’s not easy to raise a child. And if you are a parent, I feel sorry for you that you don’t have any compassion for all parents out there.

annachestnut
on March 8th, 2012

Thanks to Lisa for a beautifully written story. I agree with your mother – giving up Lauren was your shining moment. Congrats on your piece.

Nicole
on March 8th, 2012

Kristin~

Thank you for sharing your story. My husband and I adopted our son at birth as well. He was born in late 2010 and he is a dream come true! I had to laugh though because I too had those ‘he’s lost somewhere in my bed’ dreams. I never slept with him in my bed but I think it was some deep fear that I would in someway lose this little boy who has taught me to love at a greater level than I ever felt possible. The good news…my dreams of losing him ended shortly after his adoption was finalized (we had no chance of losing him even though it took eight months for the process to be finalized).

Lisa~
Thank you for sharing your story. I consider my son’s birthmom as one of the strongest and most selfless people I know. She did not make an adoption plan because she didn’t love her son; she made an adoption plan because she loved him so very much and wanted better for him than she could provide at the time of his birth. We talk to our son often about his birthmom and he will always know how much she loves him and just how special she is to our lives.

showbizmom
on March 8th, 2012

@Kairy Without knowing Lisa, and only reading her story, she did the RIGHT thing a Selfless thing! You judging her and calling her selfish, is rude and uncalled for. She was in a abusive relationship and saw no other way. Maybe if it were you, you would have done something different, but there is no need to blast someone for doing something that was in her life at the time, the right thing to do.

Good for you Lisa, you did the right thing, I’m sure if you were to meet your daughter today, she would say Thank you.

Teena
on March 8th, 2012

In Pennsylvania, the birth parents have ONE YEAR to change their minds and some do after 8 or 9 months.

I love seeing positive stories about how AMAZING adoption is because that’s been my experience.

Also, it’s not as difficult as people think.

And it’s not just for celebrities!

Tiffany
on March 8th, 2012

We brought home our beautiful little girl in January, and she came to us through adoption. Ours was a last minute placement (in California), so we waited an agonizing 22 days for our birthparents to relinquish their rights. They could have taken 30 days. It’s a terrible feeling of dread because the instant that our daughter was placed in my arms, she had my heart, wholly and completely.

I would like to come to the defense of birthparents. I have never seen anything as heartbreaking as watching my daughter’s birthparents put their baby down and walk out of the hospital room without her. Their tears flowed as though they were cutting off a piece of themselves.

I have never seen such pain… and I have never, ever seen such complete and selfless love. My husband and I held our daughter and wept for her birthparents and the pain they were experiencing. They loved her so much that they made the most difficult choice any parent can make- choosing to give their child a better life than they believed they could offer her.

It was the most beautiful and yet the most heartbreaking act I have ever witnessed.

My husband and I love our daughter, but it was her birthparents who loved her first. Loved her enough to let her go. I am in awe of them. They truly understand love. We are so blessed to have found our daughter, and I’m thankful her birthparents wish to remain in her life.

Marky
on March 8th, 2012

Kairy, the most selfish thing many biological mothers do is to keep their child. In my family, we had a young woman who got pregnant by her boyfriend of nearly 2 years, who promptly left the scene because he wanted nothing to do with having a child. She got pregnant in spite of using 2 kinds of B/C, and as soon as the company found out she was pregnant, she was fired from her job. She had a huge uphill battle during the pregnancy with no job and no hope of being hired since she was going to have to take time off when the baby was born. She had a college degree, but found herself with mounting debt and trying to decide whether to keep the baby or place it for adoption. Her friends basically felt the same way you do and continually told her she would be horrible if she gave the baby for adoption, so ultimately she decided to keep the child.

Fast forward 18 years. Grandparent have basically raised the child, who has struggled with such feelings of hurt because mom has lived her life as she chose all these years–good job, has money, dated lots of men, travelled everywhere, and is well-known (in the state) in her field. Child is brilliant, but struggles to achieve all that could be, because relationship with mom is less than good and child comes “way down the list”. Child never comes before desired possessions, trips, and boyfriends, and the emotional hurt has been very painful.

If people like you had kept their mouths shut about a topic they knew nothing about, maybe this child would have been raised by 2 loving parents who desperately wanted a child and appreciated every great quality this child has, and they would have dealt with any issues that same child had (which are the same as any other teen), instead of being raised by a bio mom who wasn’t sure she EVER wanted children, but was forced by circumstances to raise the one she has. Only with intense therapy has it begun to change, but there have been years of hurt to try to overcome.

One friend, who was a friend from childhood, had gone trough the same thing the year before, placed her child in an open adoption, and that has been a completely different situation; Happy child, mom went on to make a good life and achieve a great deal (which most likely would not have happened if she hadn’t placed her child), and everyone is doing well. Too bad our family member wouldn’t listen to her, because she was so afraid others (who were like you, Kairy) would judge her.

Most of you don’t believe in abstinence, and, frankly, that’s the only way to assure you absolutely will not get pregnant with a child you aren’t ready for, so if you aren’t faced with this situation, someone you know or care about will be. To judge what someone else does in these circumstances is so pathetic on your part.

At any time you can walk away, but that bio family, who is ill-prepared to raise a child emotionally , physically, and often financially, can cause harm to an innocent child who could be so happy. So many grandparents are raising grandchildren now and it crosses all financial lines. My friends are almost all upper middle-class and you wouldn’t believe how many are raising the GKs, because mom wasn’t ready to be a parent, and dad isn’t there or can’t do the job any better than mom. Sad for the kids.

Your generation, in general, has a hard time talking and chewing gum at the same time, let alone raising a child in a way that doesn’t mean putting yourself first, because you “deserve everything you want”! Sorry, but you, Fairy, hit a real nerve!!

Personally, I have worked in adoptions, and am myself the parent of both bio children, and adopted children. I have friends who gave up children for adoption, and in my mind they are heroes, because there are few greater sacrifices than choosing to give your child a home with someone else who can “do what you can’t”.

One of my children was abandoned with no ID in a far away country where infanticide was practiced regularly. We often talk about how much that her mother loved her because she didn’t throw her in a landfill, or drown her in a bucket (both of which were completely acceptable if she didn’t want the child, wasn’t capable of caring for her, or someone in the family was against having a girl).

My other child was relinquished by a mother who greatly loved the only child she would ever have, but couldn’t care for, even though she was 30. She tried, but couldn’t do it, so she is to be honored for caring more for that child than herself!

me
on March 8th, 2012

A thank you to those who have chosen to share very personal stories on why they chose to put their babies up for adoption. Very few people make that decision without a lot of thought and anguish. Bless you:-)

C-Bear
on March 8th, 2012

Lisa.. I have nothing but admiration for your strength in what sounds like a very difficult situation. Your daughter has hopefully had a good life with a family who loves her and has been given opportunities you yourself admit could not have been provided by you and your family. It must have been an excruciating choice to make but you did make the right choice. You and your family sound like good people.

As a potential adoptive parent, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Choices like you’ve made make it possible for me to possibly be a mom and I hope that one day, if it happens, we make you, the birth mothers proud.

babies
on March 8th, 2012

If everytime someone had something negative to say, no one would ever talk.

I don’t understand why people can’t voice their opinions, even if it’s negative. Because directly after a post is made that someone else doesn’t agree with, they post something slamming that person. So…if they are promoting this whole “don’t say anything if you have nothing nice to say”, then why comment on it at all. I’m not standing up for anyone, I just don’t understand why everyone has to be on board with something society deems is “cool” or “popular”.

Sometimes, I’m not sure anyone can fully understand where a person is coming from, unless you are inside their head. Good for Kristin, she’s fantastic.

JMO
on March 8th, 2012

Ignore the hateful comments. Those people thrive off of you responding to them and they get irritated more when nobody pays them any attention!

Lisa thanks for sharing your story you did a beautiful thing for your daughter and I wish more parents who are so young and struggle could be strong enough to make the same decision. I think alot of times young people don’t think about what the long term struggles will be. They just see cute cuddly baby. I bet if a lot more younger girls made these better decisions for their kids we’d have a lot less kids growing up in poverty.

molly.one
on March 8th, 2012

Wow- what a beautiful little girl! Kristen Davis and Gemma Rose are very lucky to have found one another!

Lisa-
Your story was amazing. I can’t even believe comments like Kairy’s were made- how foolish and ignorant of her! You obviously made the right choice for you and your baby.

Re: Kim’s comments, I understand where she is coming from even though she was pretty vague and harsh by her way of commenting. Being a white woman who will soon be adopting a bi-racial or African American child I have been trying to fully educate myself on how I can ease my soon-to-be-child’s transition (when they are older since they will be an infant when we receive them) into a primarily “white” society they will be raised in; while I understand that I don’t care what race or nationality my child will be, I also understand it could become an issue to them as they get older and the world they/we live in.

I want to make sure to be able to be sensitive, educated and connected to my child’s world to help them navigate in these changing times of multicultural families etc. It is such a personal topic and no right or wrong answers apply but I think education and understanding is where we begin.

Congrats to Lisa and Kristen, and wish me and my family good luck!

Mary
on March 8th, 2012

Congratulations to Kristen Davis! Your baby is beautiful … and so are you! I can relate; I, too, always wanted to adopt (even when I thought I could bare children). My (ex)husband changed his mind about having any children, which contributed to the divorce. At 39, I could have been on a mission to find someone to father a baby, but I decided against that for many reasons. Never had the right circumstances or money to adopt on my own. I’m 10 years older than Kristen, but years ago, people used to tell me I looked like her, and WOW, did I take that as a compliment. I’m very happy for her and new baby Gemma. Love the name!

Holiday
on March 8th, 2012

Sweet baby girl! I love hearing adoption stories! It is such a selfless act on both the bio mom and adopted mom

Mira
on March 8th, 2012

“Birth mothers are amazing people – they have hearts of gold, and a true sense of love of a child.”

Sorry, but that’s just nonsense. Yes, maybe about 5% of women giving up their children fit this description. The other 95% are irresponsible and/or weak and/or selfish or in the best possible scenario women with very low self-esteem who don’t believe in their capabilities. Oh, and the majority of them “choose life” simply because they can’t get an abortion on time.

RachelfromBoston
on March 8th, 2012

Lisa – your story has me in tears, thank you for sharing! I’m sure if Lauren were to meet you today, she would love and thank you for the beautiful life you gave her.

Lisa
on March 8th, 2012

To Kairy – one thing I neglected to mention, because today it’s so not an issue but when I was 20 it wasn’t diagnosed or treated, is that I’m Bipolar. And because of that, it was very difficult for me to me to function and hold a job, let alone get through college. The only jobs I had ever held were menial, and minimum wage just doesn’t go very far in raising a child.

You say I’m selfish – but – would you have wished that life for an innocent baby who did nothing to deserve it? I hope not, but I don’t know your heart.

If it makes you feel better to judge me, then go ahead. I’ve spent my whole life being judged, having only been diagnosed 14 years ago, right before becoming pregnant with my amazing son, and your judgements are nothing compared with the things I’ve lived with. I hope it made you feel better, after all, what’s the point if you don’t get anything out of it.

To everyone else, who said such amazing and incredible things, thank you very much for your support, but I really don’t deserve it – in my heart, I did the right thing, and even when I held her for the last time, my heart still said it was the right thing to do.

I have never heard from Lauren, she is in her mid-thirties now, and has never tried to find me. I look at that as a blessing – it tells me that I chose the right parents, ones who gave her the life I couldn’t. If she were to come to my door looking for me, I would have to tell her that I was just the person who gave her life; her adoptive parents were her true mom and dad.

Belinda
on March 8th, 2012

As an adoptive mom in California…one who went the “non-traditional” route of adopting through the foster care system & had a 14 month wait to finalize, and who’s now-daughter’s birth parents didn’t initially make the decision to give her up, I’m so very grateful that upon seeing her happy and loved, bio-mom eventually made the decision to stop trying to get custody back.

While we don’t have direct contact, we do share photos….and I hope that if my daughter chooses to find her birth parents down the road, they will know that each had a better life because we were able to provide for this beautiful little girl in a way that bio-mom just wasn’t ready for…..but her making the decision she ultimately made showed she was capable of putting this child ahead of herself.

I have so much respect for biological parents who decide (whether while pregnant or afterwards) to give their child a life they simply are unable to give….and I can’t imagine my life without my daughter!

Thank you Kristin for bringing so much positive light to the world of adoption!!!

Shades
on March 8th, 2012

Why is it that everyone focuses on the people who adopt? They are so happy that the couple/person was able to adopt the child.

However, I’ve never seen an article about why a birth mother chose to put their child up for adoption. Everyone thinks, “drugs, legal problems, very poor, etc…” What would be said for a 16 yr old who maybe was afraid to be a mother and chose adoption? Has anyone ever asked her what it was like to go through the process? Has anyone asked her about the 18 yrs she’s patiently waited until her child is old enough to make the decision on whether or not the child wants anything to do with her birth mother?

Adoption is great! However, you should explore everything and not just focus on the parents/single, etc.. that adopted the child.

Anonymous
on March 8th, 2012

Marky- “One of my children was abandoned with no ID in a far away country where infanticide was practiced regularly. We often talk about how much that her mother loved her because she didn’t throw her in a landfill, or drown her in a bucket (both of which were completely acceptable if she didn’t want the child, wasn’t capable of caring for her, or someone in the family was against having a girl).” That part of your comment in particular struck me…because I’m friends with a couple who adopted a little girl in a very similar situation…only her birth mother wasn’t nearly as caring.

At just a couple days old, that baby girl (who, like your child, was born in a country where infanticide, especially against baby girls is frequently practiced) was found dehydrated and close to death on top of a dumpster (meaning that basically, her birth mother or parents threw her away…which makes me sick!). In fact, according to what the adoptive parents have been told, if that little girl had been found even one day later, it probably would have been too late. Today she is happy and thriving in the care of her adoptive parents.

Lisa- Don’t listen to Kairy or other people like her. What you did for your daughter is perhaps the most selfless thing anyone could ever do. You loved that precious girl enough to let her go. The world could use more people like you!

Having said all that, I also want to say that I agree completely with the people who have said that often times adoption isn’t about the birth mother/birth parents abandoning her/their child. A lot of times it’s about parents who love their child very much, but know that they can’t properly care for him/her for whatever reason and that s/he would be better off with parents who can. In fact, most parents who place their children for adoption do so BECAUSE they love them.

Also, part of the reason there’s so many cases of child abuse, neglect, and even murder by parents is because the parents either weren’t ready to be parents, were ill-equipped for whatever reason to raise children, or couldn’t be bothered with raising a child (Casey Anthony, anyone?). If more parents were selfless enough to put their children up for adoption at birth, maybe more children would be able to grow up in safe enviornments (and in the cases of children murdered by parents, grow up period!).

Finally, as for the child and adoptive parent(s) being of different races issue, I think most children would prefer being raised by a loving parent of any skintone than being bounced from foster home to foster home or (in the case of international adoptees) growing up in an orphanage (or even worse, dying at a young age due to lack of sanitation or health care or whatever else in their country). In fact, I think their hair is the last thing that most children in those situations (foster care or orphanages) are going to be worried about!

Anonymous
on March 8th, 2012

Oh, and to the poster who mentioned that she wants to adopt but her husband doesn’t, and others in similar situations, don’t lose hope! Sometimes people come around. The adoptive father of the little girl left to die on top of a dumpster that I mentioned in my previous post, for example, was initally deadset against adoption (for very deep, emotional issues that I won’t go into here out of respect for his privacy). However, he eventually had a change of heart and the rest is history!

So my advice for those of you who want to adopt but have reluctant partners is to give them space and not press the issue. They may very well end up changing their minds in the end!

ecl
on March 8th, 2012

Not all birth mothers are good people and not all birth mothers are bad people. Not all bad people are all bad and not all good people are all good. To reduce a group to one thing is ridiculous and to reduce a person to one thing is simplistic.

dmodom
on March 8th, 2012

What a ridiculous comment, Kim.

Do you know how many white women are raising bi-racial babies in this country? And these are babies they gave birth to – because they chose to! I am one of those mothers and guess what – you LEARN to style their beautiful hair the same as you do any baby.

Sorry – but a mother doesn’t see color. They just see and love their beautiful baby.

Ann
on March 9th, 2012

To Anonymous on March 8th, 2012, the period the mother can change her mind is 30 days. The 6 months apply to the process to finalize the paperwork in court, but the mother cannot change her mind after 30 days (or can, but too bad for her)

Ann
on March 9th, 2012

Dear Kim, obviously Kristin cant do much worse job with raising her baby than your, I assume same colored mother, did with you.

Steph
on March 9th, 2012

Cheers to you, Lisa. Your comment about looking at it as a blessing that your daughter hasn’t come looking for you because she has good parents, gave me chills. You have a wonderful attitude about something that must be so heart-wrenching.

Jillian
on March 9th, 2012

AnOnymoUs and Ann

In Canada it varies from province as to how long the birth parents have to change their mind. It’s not 6 months or 30 days for all of Canada. For example, Ontario is 21 days.

Mary

B.J. (the girl)
on March 9th, 2012

Tiffany, thank you for putting it into perspective for the birth parents. I can’t imagine walking away, or seeing them walk away in tears, it makes me want to cry as well.

Adoption is a beautiful thing. Gemma is adorable, and I love her name!

Rhea
on March 9th, 2012

I can only imagine how hard the waiting period would be for the adoptive parents. Glad to hear Kristin and her baby girl made it through that.

Sun
on March 9th, 2012

@Leslie on March 8, 2012 — well said, and THANK YOU!

Shannon
on March 9th, 2012

As a mother to 2 beauitful girl, who we both adopted- they are actually biological sister- I can say that I love to read stories like this, and I so love Kristin Davis.

I will say that it gets so old to hear how wonderful adoption is for the children, yes it is and our girls have a wonderful life. BUT- lets just talk for a second about how much they have given to me and my husband- we struggled for years to have children and then my 2 year old came to us, as a brand new baby- that is a feeling I will never forget! Yes, adopted children are usually adopted into wonderful loving homes, but lets not forget how lucky the adoptive parents are. I guarantee I have gotten so much more from having my girls in my life, then they can even understand at such a young age.

Anonymous
on March 10th, 2012

Sorry, I’m really sick of everyone painting birth mothers who give their babies up into adoption as saints. I realize that to the adoptive parents it may SEEM that way, and lucky for that child that they’re going to be raised in a family that really wants and loves them. That does NOT change the fact that people always presume that the birth mother chose adoption to be selfLESS and not selfISH.

AKrietz
on March 10th, 2012

Lisa, I’m in awe of you. You truely put your child’s needs first. you gave her an extraordinary gift, when you gave her up. The gift of two loving parents, who could provide for her in a way you couldn’t at that time. God bless you, and all other selfless biological parents like you.

PS Since you had your son later, when you were in a better position to raise him, I’m sure you have been a great mom.

Anonymous
on March 11th, 2012

Anonymous (March 10th)- It’s not all assuming. Some adoptive parents know the reason(s) their child’s birth mother/parents gave them up (because they talked to the birth mother or birth parents and/or they have an open adoption and remain in contact with the birth mother/parents).

Also, I must ask you this: What’s more selfish? Giving a child up for adoption, or keeping a child when you know you can’t properly care for him/her?

Anonymous
on March 11th, 2012

I also meant to say that I prefer to assume the best about things like a parent giving a child up for adoption, rather than the worst. I’m guessing other people feel the same way, hence the “assuming” that a child was given up for adoption for selfless reasons.

Nina
on March 11th, 2012

Cool your jets there, Danielle. A bit of advice–find a book or article or television program about adoption that includes the birth mother’s story and perspective (or better yet a birth mother who has chosen adoption) and just listen. It’ll do you a world of good.

Ruby
on March 15th, 2012

About waiting periods – in the US, it varies widely from state to state. In CT where we adopted, the request for termination of rights goes thru the court system and takes 4 – 6 wks, during which the birthmom can change her mind – ours did, but changed it back and decided to proceed with the adoption, but that delayed the termination, so it was 10 wks before her rights were terminated, and the finalization is still a month away (she will be about 7 months).

As far as transracial adoption – our daughter is African American, and we had a semi-open adoption where her birthmom chose us to raise her daughter. If having a white family raise her black child isn’t a problem for her, then that’s good enough for me.

And yes, I have numerous books on black hair, and friends who have promised to help. That seems like such a tired argument. I think the fact that she is loved to pieces in the kind of safe and stable environment that her birthmom knew she couldn’t offer, despite loving her baby and wishing she could, is a lot more important than personal experience with a certain hair type. Caring for/styling black hair is a skill that anyone can learn if they put their mind to it.

DeDe
on March 15th, 2012

@Kairy, you idiot, she (Lisa) said “high school graduate.” A reference to her level of education. She did not say she was in high school. What a mean and hateful thing to say.