If this is it

Standing on the edge can be a scary and liberating thing. For me of late, the dream of casting myself headlong into the unknown is becoming difficult to shake. I love security but I long for spontaneity; for reality, for living in the moment and putting words to thoughts long harboured.

The New Year is always a special time for me. It’s a time to reflect on a year just passed and pause for breath before the new one really kicks in. Whether it’s a time of work or rest, I often find myself drifting off in moments of thought, in prayer and in hope.

The year just passed was a landmark for me. It was one in which the online became real, where the interactions of an online community became interactions in real life. Where keyboards were replaced by coffee cups, monitors by moments and real emotions played out in real meetings….

I loved it and I long for it!

Laying aside the constant burden of diabetes I’m endeavouring to take on life afresh. I want to live each moment to the full, throw caution to the wind and fearlessly take on challenges previously failed. I want the real to replace the virtual. It’s time to forget the failures and focus on the friendships; on the people who have helped me come so far and are needed to propel me further.

No matter where I look the contradictions abound. In every realm of life there seems to be unresolved conflict and missing pieces. Both physically and emotionally I am incomplete, there are pieces of the puzzle waiting to be found and fitted….but now I search in a new way. I have given up on reaching the destination. I have surrendered to the whims of a chronic illness and I am finding contentment in the journey…

I am embracing the here and now and forgetting about the future. I am laying aside the dreams of tomorrow that I may fully experience the wonders of today; a sunset on a summers day, a walk in the park, an exchange of friendly banter or the smell of fresh country air.

So often I have lost the moment in search of a miracle. There are so many things I have taken for granted for which I want to give thanks afresh. For each and every member of this online community that have embraced and accepted me; for those who I was privileged enough to meet in person and others still, I dream of so doing. Diabetes may have brought us together but it need not define our relations.

What a great post, Simon. Love this line: “Where keyboards were replaced by coffee cups, monitors by moments and real emotions played out in real meetings”… Here’s to embracing the moment, the here and now, and hopefully someday soon having the chance to say hello in person again. Happy 2012 and beyond, my friend.

Sarah

I also love the line…where keyboards were replaced by coffee cups…you certainly have a way with words. You often speak of how the online community inspires you but know that you also inspire the online community! Best wishes for a Happy New Year in 2012!! @MoD4acure

http://neuroticcity.blogspot.com/ shannon

poetry!! i am so excited for you for your coming adventures! i hope i get a chance to say at least hello at fll!