Note: This isn't the whole table (you can't even see General Tso's Chicken!) so click HERE to see the thing in all its super high-res glory and prepare to drool. Or vomit in your mouth so hard it sprays between the cracks in your teeth. I'm not gross you're gross.

This is the periodic table of meat. I know some of you don't like periodic tables and complain when I post them, but that's because you don't know science like I do. You see, I know science intimately. You ever lit a Bunsen burner to set the mood? I have. It's true, I accidentally set my Ninja Turtle bedsheets on fire and had to call 911. Talk about awkward. You ever had to explain why you're standing in the front yard covering yourself with a stuffed Barney doll? Because I was having sex with it. Hey -- you asked! Oh you didn't? He's my lover.