The Trials Of Aqua Buddha: The Lapdog Problem

In which we learn that Rand Paul does not know what words mean.

The blog's Five Minute Rule regarding any political pronouncement by any member of the extended Paul family is cruel, but it is fair. This was amply demonstrated when Senator Aqua Buddha, brogressive mancrush and actual presidential candidate, went on the electric teevee machine and demonstrated that words mean what self-certified eye doctors say they mean.

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Lindsey Graham and John McCain are "lapdogs" for President Barack Obama's foreign policy, Rand Paul said Tuesday, at once firing back at recent remarks from the hawkish Republicans and seeking to distinguish his defense credentials. "This comes from a group of people wrong about every policy issue over the last two decades," the Kentucky Republican said in an interview with Fox News, touting his credentials as the "one standing up to President Obama."

Let's see -- that would be the McCain who would have American troops fighting everywhere from Syria to Pelennor Fields. And Huckleberry J. Butchmeup, who has burned through several thesauri trying to come up with synonyms for "timid," and who has been sending dispatches out to the world from beneath the fainting couch for the better part of six years.

Aqua Buddha's argument rests on the fact that both McCain and Graham supported the president's actions in Libya and that the two of them support foreign aid to "countries that hate us." We're not hearing as much about aid to Israel from Aqua Buddha as we used to hear, probably because he's the last brave man in Congress.

"People who call loudest to criticize me are great proponents of President Obama's foreign policy — they just want to do it ten times over," he said.

Because foreign policy, and the use of the American military, always are zero-sum games, and there's little difference between American boots on the ground and other uses of the military, and there's even less difference between the president and John McCain on foreign policy and military intervention. Tick, tock...