Can't she just crawl back into whatever Staten Island dump where she came from?

Jersey Shore's #1 slam pig, Angelina, announced today via Twitter that she's somehow managed to extend her intolerable 15 minutes of fame into some sort of HOrrific recording deal, and will have a single coming out next month!

Breaking News: My first single "I'm Hot" will drops next month on Itunes!!!! I'm so EXCITED!!!! #TeamAngelina

Yes, you and you alone are excited, bb!

Although, if you want to have a more appropriate, true to life song title, how about you switch it to I'm Getting My Ass Kicked By Snooki This Week On Jersey Shore, or maybe just simply I Have a Pancake Ass!

We guess a certain Staten Island swamp donkey is feeling the cold, throbbing thud of irrelevancy knocking at her door!

Jersey Shore's Angelina, the self-proclaimed Kim Rob Kardashian of Staten Island, has agreed to fight in a Celebrity Boxing match, and wants her opponent to be our gurl JWoww!

She says:

"I've been asked to do it and I'm so excited. I want to beat the sh*t out of someone. I don't care who I fight, but I hope it's JWoww in the ring. My mom taught me to fight. She is so beautiful with a perfect body. She has a six pack and a black belt in Karate. I have beaten the sh*t out of so many people. Girls always start it with me, so I just have to punch them in the face."

Well ain't that something?!

Sorry, bb!

We imagine that JWoww has some other, much brighter career prospects to focus on! Or maybe she's just enjoying the paycheck from season three of Jersey Shore!

Now that Prostitution Whore Danielle Staub is officially off The Real Housewives of New Jersey, she's exactly where she belongs - with every other disgusting famewhore/gutter troll on the cover of Steppin' Out magazine!

And be rest assured, getting her ass fired has only enhanced her delusional, certifiably insane antics!

Here are some of the better gems of instability:

On being a lesbian for attention:

"I've had six relationships with women and I will tell you women kiss better than men. That's very, very true. I remember each and every one of them. I don't really like labels. I'm trying to keep that part of my life as private as possible. Let's just say I'm interested in sexuality."

On former co-star Teresa Giudice:

"She needs a hairline revision. Planet of the Apes has nothing on her! She reminds me of Cornelius from Planet of the Apes. Could you imagine if her face is that hairy what her body hair must be like?"

On Melissa Gorga, Teresa's sister-in-law and possible housewife for season three:

"The reason Melissa initially contacted me was to tell me she felt so horrible watching somebody else be treated as badly as she was treated by Teresa for over a decade. She said that when Teresa is jealous and threatened by another woman that's how she behaves."

Glad to see all of the apologies shared in the reunion meant something!

But, go ahead! Keep running that delusional mouth, bb!

Within a few weeks, even Steppin' Out won't be interested in your z-list ass, and the only person you'll have left to listen to you will be your energist!!

The usually infuriating Jersey Shore star apparently had a run-in with Jeff Miranda, the famewhoring douchebag who proposed to our most beloved Snooki Snickers on a magazine cover, at a New York City strip club, which ended in her clobbering him with a microphone and pouring drinks on his head!

AMAZEBALLS!

Here's what went down.

The two have been calling each other out in the press for a while now - Angelina says Jeff is a famewhore and tried to get with her before he declared his 'love' for Snooks. Jeff responded by saying that Angelina is a 'hater' and 'jealous.'

Last night, Jeff showed up Sapphire Gentleman's club, which he apparently frequents, while Angelina was there filming a web broadcast, and according to host Chaunce Hayden, he started in on her immediately!

Hayden claims:

“Jeff showed me text messages that he said were from Angelina that said something like 'I still have feelings for you.' Jeff was yelling that Angelina was jealous of his relationship with Snooki and that she is trying to break them up so she can date him. Angelina grabbed the microphone and started smashing him in the face with it over and over. She hit him at least three times in his face. She was screaming and swearing, ‘I’m going to kill you, you’re a fucking liar.' He looked stunned. He stood up like he was going to hit her and a group of people stopped him. She took all the booze on the table and started pouring it in his face and blinded him. I never saw somebody get beat that bad. He kept saying ‘I’m going to sue her, I’m going to sue her,' but he was barely able to talk his face was so swollen and his teeth looked crooked. She said that felt great and he had it coming for a long time.”

Ha!

We don't condone violence, but there's no way she could have beaten him as badly as this guy claims he did! And this is just HIGHlarious! This douche has been running his mouth about everything and everyone since day one - it's no surprise she had had enough.

And now we all know - Jeff was clearly messing with the WRONG Staten Island gutter troll!

Wait - she drags this girl to court for tugging her busted weave and still thinks it's appropriate to write THIS?!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey's certifiably insane super villianess Danielle Staub has just gotten - we don't even know how this is possible - even CRAZIER recently when she essentially wished death upon her co-star Jacqueline Laurita's daughter, Ashley Holmes, via Twitter!

Here's what went down.

Apparently, one of her psychotic followers tweeted her the following message:

We'd be keeping tabs on her, too! Everyone knows that girlfriend is capable of doing just about anything for some ca$h!

Tiger Woods' attorneys are reportedly concerned about gutter troll Rachel Uchitel's stint on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, because they don't want her to talk about any of the nasty shiz she might have done with him!

One of the terms of her $10 million pay out from the douchebag golfer is that she's not allowed to mention him publicly in any capacity, so his lawyers have been keeping in touch to make sure her mouth is shut.

However, sources at Celebrity Rehab claim that Rachel is being very well-behaved, and Tiger hasn't come up at all!

She may be a shameless, homewrecking swamp donkey, but she's apparently not STOOPID! LOLs!