Tuesday, December 25, 2012

A Christmas special, expanded off of the puppetoon skit, expanded off the Denis Leary song.

Hosted by Leary, with a similar variety show format to the Colbert special, but, full on R rated, and grouchy, and cynical.

I love it.
It could be better, but....this is as good as we have for these sorts of specials for now.
Our culture needs to get a few shades even darker to nail the exact kind of special I'd like to see.
Think "Woodland Critter Christmas", for real.

Home Alone (1990)

Yeah, I always forget this happens on Christmas.
All right, I don't love this, or even dig it, but, I'm kinda forced to acknowledge it.
This was an unstoppable juggernaut.

I'm very surprised this isn't one of the big Christmas flicks basic cable plays as an old standby.
I think....the combination of the shitty cynical sequels that bled it out, and Culkin's implosion into a bony junkie, kind of depress everyone.

I dunno, I guess I'm sick, I'd like to see a "Home Alone", reunion for that exact reason.
Fucked up junkie Kevin vs old-age Wet Bandits with bad hips?
Hell, yeah, sign me up for that.
We're talking a full-on "Ed Wood", situation there.
I'll have my ticket pre-bought online for that one.

Give this one a pass, really.
I throw this out as further example of how early 90's Hollywood had really lost its own hand in front of its face in the snowstorm.

Oh, man, I just clicked into it, you know what they were going for?
"Home Alone".
Yeah, they only knew how to copy other shit.
Well...it's still like that.
Assholes.

But...like I said...I still like the idea of abusing yuppies...the movie I saw in the trailer, I really dug.
I think this can be remade into something.
Christ, they remake shit into worse shit, why not actually fix a movie with promise?
Dream on, Mike.

Christmas...isn't really a thing in Japan.
I'm decently sure Tenchi and his family are Shinto...and/or whatever the fuck Juraians are.

And yet, here it is, the Tenchi Christmas movie....
Go figure.

Well, "Robot Chicken", did their take on an anime Christmas...but this is the real thing!

And, there's no tentacle monster, or "Akira", blobs, but...there's hypnotic incest, the killing of children, and the justified homicide of a mentally ill homicidal monster which itself is the equivalent of a disturbed child.

Yes, it's actually a bigger stomach punch than "One Magic Christmas", if you can believe it.

But, you know what saves it?
I give a shit about these characters.
They earned that from me.

Trading Places (1983)

Yep, this is a Christmas flick.
You've got that sequence where drunken Dan Aykroyd is in the Santa suit, right?
There you go.

I dunno, I happen to think this flick warned us about Wall Street swine better than "Wall Street".

And yet....everyone was seemingly fucking asleep when that whole godawful derivatives market became "a big thing", and eclipsed the trading in actual goods by Hulk-sized leaps, and bounds.

I wish I could send it back in time, and force my elementary school teachers to watch it strapped down to hospital beds, and watch them lose their fucking minds in a liberal douchebag hypocrite meldown froth.

But...I'll just settle for that this exists.
And, that a new generation of kids gets warped by it.
There's always that.