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Wednesday, September 05, 2012

It's here, friends. And I know you're just as semi aroused as I am in anticipation of another fantastic season getting underway. So, as promised, here I am providing you with all the picks that are fit to pad your billfold. So toss out those expired condoms and remove those value club cards. It's time to satisfy that pack of Roalids rapidly developing below your belt, and get to work...

Let's pick some winners, shall we? Or at least have a good chuckle or two before we light our collective currency ablaze...

Dallas Cowboys (+3.5)@ New York Giants
I wrestled with this one for a while, only to eventually come to two rather rock solid conclusions. And no, neither of them are steeped in legitimate facts and numbers. You want those, just head to Vegas. Analyzing points for, points against, home record, away record. That' how they make the spreads. So feel free to spend your time running rampant trying to find a half point edge in numbers that have already been manipulated by big time bettors, or use guidelines like these from betting savants such as myself to steer you in the right direction. For this 2012-2013 season opener, those guidelines look a lot like this...

1) The Cowboys start fast, but can't finish

AND

2) The Giants limp out of the gate, but finish like a thoroughbred being whipped within an inch of it's life

I'm talking about seasons there, not individual games. So while I'm fully confident that the defending Super Bowl champs will prove over the long haul that they're the dominant squad, history tells me they won't be dominating this one. It's still a distinct possibility that they win, courtesy of a patented Tony Romo down the leg whiz job. But I'll take the insurance that lies in the 3.5 points and the historical trends. Even if those trends might only exist in the depths of my imagination...

Last Year: 174-116-6 (.598)

ALL TIME: 780-486-47 (.612)

Yep, there's my track record. I win just enough to actually beat the house. Impressive, I know. But there's no time to give me props. We've finally got some football to watch. And to a less pleasant extent, a QB to watch whiz down his leg...

Football, friends. It's here. Enough said. Good luck to you all in your football betting ventures, and make sure to check back every weekend as I try to guide your hand. You won't listen to me, and that's cool. But it'll still be fun. At the very least it should keep you off of Facebook for 5 freaking minutes...