Incompatible libidos and stress are the second most common hindrances.

1 in 5 New Zealanders have lied about the number of people they’ve had sex with.

Over a quarter of New Zealanders have cheated on a partner, one in seven have had a long-term affair, and fatigue, incompatible libidos and stress are New Zealand’s biggest deterrents for sex, according to national sex survey results.

More than 1,000 New Zealanders were asked what obstacles they face in their sex lives in the recent online Adulttoymegastore Kiwi Sex Survey conducted by trusted research company Colmar Brunton. The survey results match the demographic profile of New Zealanders for age, gender and region.

Survey respondents were asked what they believe hinders their sex lives. Options included stress, the proximity of children, time restraints, body confidence and more. Respondents were able to select multiple answers, as well as provide “other” reasons not mentioned.

According to the results, fatigue is the most common hindrance to New Zealanders sex lives, as almost one in every two New Zealanders (44 percent) said the feeling of tiredness or exhaustion, or a need to rest because of lack of energy or strength, is their biggest reason for not feeling up for sex.

New Zealand’s other most common sex-obstacles include having an incompatible libido to a partner, and feeling stressed, which affects one-third of Kiwis.

Respondents who listed stress as having a notable negative influence on their sex lives were more likely to be aged between 40 and 59 years old, and living in Auckland.

New Zealand-born sexologist and author, Dr. Shelley Hiestand, said while it’s common for people to have obstacles in their sex lives, there are always ways to alleviate them.

“Fatigue, incompatible libidos and stress would definitely be the top three reasons I hear from clients, however I would say that incompatible libidos is even more of an issue and can be addressed if the couple is willing,” Dr. Shelley explained.

“You know you have incompatible sexual libidos if one person wants more sex and it is not reciprocal. Often a partner just accepts the incompatibility, and ends up looking elsewhere to have their needs met, such as with a sex worker or having an affair.”

New Zealand Cheating Statistics

According to the Adulttoymegastore Kiwi Sex Survey results, a quarter of New Zealanders have cheated on a partner, and one in seven New Zealanders have had a long-term affair.

Of all the regions in New Zealand, survey respondents living in Dunedin/Otago were more likely to have cheated on a partner, while respondents living in Whangarei/Northland were the least likely of the regions to have cheated.

Those who have had a long term affair at some stage of their lives are more likely to be aged 60 or over, unhappy with their sex life, and dissatisfied with the frequency they have sex. The most prominent region was Palmerston North, where 26 percent of survey respondents admitted they have had a long-term affair.

Dr. Shelley said a leading cause of infidelity is unmet sexual needs.

“If one partner has needs and desires which are no longer being met, they have to find other ways to meet them,” Dr. Shelley said.

“For those willing to make it work, being creative with the use of sex toys, bio-identical hormonal therapy, or opening up the relationship to other people through the swing lifestyle, polyamory or open relationships - which requires honesty of communication – can all be viable options.”

Other factors that hinder the sex lives of New Zealanders include time restraints, which affects 28 percent of New Zealanders, and the proximity of dependents and/or children, which affects one in four people.

Dr. Shelley said while life can get busy, it’s important for couples to schedule time for intimacy.

“Scheduling time to spend with your loved one is important. Have a hot bath together, give each other massages, or use sex toys to explore pleasure zones and spice things up,” she explained.

Health issues and disabilities affect the sex lives of one in five New Zealanders, and those affected are more likely to be aged 60 years and older. Dr. Shelley recommends those affected try using adult toys.

“Many of my older clients, or those with disabilities or erectile issues, have found the use of vibrators and other sex toys can help themselves and their partners to have greater sexual satisfaction.”

Dr. Shelley said having hindrances to a person’s sex life isn’t necessarily a problem in every relationship, but it could turn into an issue if not addressed.

“Sexual intimacy is not necessarily the ‘be all, end all’ for every relationship, but if you do have a strong sexual component of your relationship and then it dies or dwindles, it can become an issue.”

“My personal opinion, which is also reflected in the findings of my research that I have done for my doctorate and in my work, is that sex and intimacy is very important physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually for any person, and also in a relationship. It’s important that people actively try to resolve the issues they’re facing in their sex lives.”

One in six New Zealanders (16 percent) believe they don’t have any notable hindrances to their sex lives.

Low self-esteem 13% - more likely to be female, aged 18-39, and single

Other 9% (Other answers included: Old age, long distance relationship, disabilities, different work schedules, being single, erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, and inability to reach orgasm.)

None of these 16%

Infidelity statistics for New Zealand

Over 1 in 4 Kiwis have cheated on a partner (27%)

Most common in Dunedin/Otago (40% of respondents had)

Least common in Whangarei/Northland (17% of respondents had)

Over 1 in 7 New Zealanders have had a long-term affair (15%)

They are more likely to be aged 60 or over, unhappy with their sex life, and dissatisfied with the frequency they have sex.

Most prominent region: Palmerston North, where 26% of respondents had had a long term affair.

1 in 5 New Zealanders have lied about the number of people they’ve had sex with (20%)

35% of New Zealanders have faked an orgasm.

They are more likely to be female, heterosexual, aged 40-49, and in a relationship.

Survey respondents from Palmerston North were more likely to state they’ve faked an orgasm, while Tasman/Nelson/Marlborough respondents were least likely to have done it.

About Dr. Shelley, Sexologist

Dr. Shelley was originally born in New Zealand and now lives in Las Vegas. She has a PhD in Philosophy specializing in Human Sexuality. The focus of her dissertation was the “Anti-Aging Benefits of Sex” and her specific research project focused on the Health Benefits of Open Relationships.

How the research was conducted:

The survey was conducted online and hosted by Colmar Brunton.

A total of 1,008 people were recruited through the Colmar Brunton online research panel, to match the demographic profile of New Zealanders for age, gender and region. The maximum margin of error on a sample size n=1,008 is +3.1%.

Only regions with 30+ respondents were included in the regional data segmentation. Regional data is indicative only.

The survey was in field from 4th – 17th September 2017.

The average interview length was 12 minutes.

Permission to use this content

The results and infographics of the Adulttoymegastore Kiwi Sex Survey can be used by anyone interested in the material, however, in return we request that you properly cite the original source by linking to the Adulttoymegastore Kiwi Sex Survey Infographic so users can access the original full survey results.

We would also appreciate the crediting of our brand name “Adulttoymegastore” by linking to our home page www.adulttoymegastore.co.nz as the author of the original sex survey results, so our team is properly attributed for sourcing and sharing this content.

Janelle is a lover of most things, but exploring new places, enjoying good food, cold beer and lifting weights sit at the top of her list. She enjoys writing about all to do with sex toys, making her the content extraordinaire at Adulttoymegastore!