Remember how parents
always tell you that the only reason anyone would hate you is because
they want to be you? Remember how you always thought they were
lying? Well, I'm here to tell you that they weren't completely
lying.

She is one of my best
friends. We're always talking on the Internet. She's always
hugging me and calling me cute and saying she loves me. I can't
stand it. If I didn't love her so much, I would hate her.

I do hate her in a way.
She's invited to everything. She always has a boyfriend. She knows
everyone. Everyone, older, younger or the same age, loves her. She's
gorgeous and sweet. She knows how to flatter someone. She's not
overly smart and in your face, like me. She's not an outsider, like
me. She is welcomed into every group. Every guy wants her. Every girl
wants to be her friend. She's so blessed.

She says she wishes
everyone loved her for more than her looks. She doesn't see that
everyone loves her because of who she is. She says she's insecure,
but I don't believe her. Why should she be? She's the most
beautiful person I know. She has opportunities galore. She's
talented. She's nice. What could possibly be wrong with her life?

Well, there's one
thing. Her father died about a year ago, and her mother has already
remarried. If I remember correctly, she's told me she doesn't
like her stepfather.

To tell you the truth,
I'm starting to really despise her. She makes me feel so worthless,
so ugly. She makes everyone love her instantly. She is the most
popular person I know. She can walk into a room and immediately feel
accepted. I am never so accepted. I am liked but never loved. I can't
even pretend to amount to anything when I'm standing next to her.

We, of course, share
friends. I keep them split up in my head. Those that were my friends
first, those that were her friends first. I try not to become too
close to those that were her friends first. Why would you want to
know me if you know her?

I want to hate her. I
want to hate her so badly. I want her out of my life.

If only I didn't love
her so much.

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