So, I’ve been slacking the past 2 weeks, finding it hard to make it to barre class on my usual wed/thurs nights. I’m a dog mom to a high maintenance english bulldog, a wife to a husband with ADHD (that man has my head spinning on a regular), and I have a mentally and emotionally draining job. Some days it takes all the steam out of my engine and I drive home like a zombie. I work for Spectrum Health, in a Rehab and Nursing Center in the Physical Therapy Department. Most of our patients are severly brain damaged due to motor vehicle accidents or major strokes. Another part of our facility houses long term care residents that have medical issues or severe dementia (I love them so much). If I’m having a bad day, I can always count on their sweet, confused smiles and their “I don’t give a shit” attitudes to help me adjust my own mental state. I have a strong passion for the elderly community. I love what I do.

One day I had a brief conversation with a patient. She is 97 years old. She has her shit together, seriously. I asked her how she stays so sharp, so healthy and strong. She smiled, put her hand on my shoulder and said, “I stay busy, honey…. Always moving… Cuz if I sit still, I’ll rust.”

This brief encounter has made a lasting impression on me. If this 97 year old woman can get off her ass, so can I.

I’d like to Congratulate all the babes that completed the Barre Challenge, you all kicked ass. I am constantly amazed by how strong and determined women are. (I mean, we squeeze mini humans from our loins, for pete’s sake!!) Thats pretty damn impressive.

I got a BCB t-shirt for my birthday from a dear friend. Of course I LOVE IT! I will proudly parade around G-Rap in this bad-boy. Its kind of a badge of badassery! I also wore it to class this past weekend. I was so happy to get back to barre, saturday’s class with Cori did not disappoint! She worked our bums off and a few times I was physically unable to move for a few seconds (imagine a fish, flopping on hot cement). Then sunday with Kim was just as intense, per usual. (OUCHYMAMA!)

This week I vow not to rust, to stay strong and keep moving. Heck, next barre class I’ll even use the (gasp) elusive BLUE BALL!

I went bathing suit shopping this past weekend. (dun-dun-DUUUN!)
I’m going on vacation in April (Vegas, baby!). Now typically shopping for bathing suits is easy, I can only wear a one piece anyway, (thanks to being stretch mark mutilated by my daughter). I can typically go into Target and eyeball something I like and buy it. Nope, not today!

Now before anyone gives me shit about my crappy eating, I should probably redeem myself by telling you about my normal eating habits. I am a super clean eater. Everything is organic. I eat 5 mini meals a day. I combine carbs and protein with healthy fats. I became a scientist with my meals monday thru friday. But then the weekend hits, and I become retarded.

Now, this way of eating has always worked for me. “I have a fast metabolism, I say. I exercise everyday, I say”. But, I’m also one year older and going thru early menopause. Its time to re-evaluate. Stop the crazy sugar binges.

My very patient husband sat outside the dressing room as I tried on 100 things. I walked out of the dressing room, empty handed. “Anything work out?” he asks. “Lets go home!” I say.

“The lighting must have been all wrong, I thought to myself. Maybe the mirror was warped”. As we drove home, I told him how awful everything looked on me. I looked like a marshmallow. My thighs were squishy. My skin was pale, every dimple and stretch mark was looking at me and laughing. As gentle as he could, my husband put his hand on my (squishy) thigh and said, “maybe its all the chocolate.”

GASP!!! YOU A-HOLE!! Its not the chocolate!!

But it IS the chocolate…and the cake…and all the empty sugary carbs that I shove in my pie hole (see, I even refer to my mouth as a delicious dessert).

But I’m not going to do anything drastic. I’m not going to order Hydroxy Cut. Or start going to some Billy Bob Boot camp class to get my ass on track. I’m going to keep going to barre. Keep walking on my lunch breaks at work. Keep long-distance running on the weekend and STOP the sugar binges. Its going to be hard. I’m going to crave and withdrawal and probably be mean to people that love me. But the reality is right in front of me, looking me right in the marshmallow thighs and saying, Enough is enough!

I love going to barre and being surrounded by strong women. I need you gals. Keep showing up. Its encouraging and motivating. We all have hidden issues and things we want/need to work on. Don’t be afraid to stand up to your reality and make a change.

I just had a birthday. I love getting older. I welcome the wrinkles, grey hair and crotchety demeanor that comes with aging. I have a very old soul, yet I only turned 39. My lifestyle balances between sharing hipster clothes with my 20 year old daughter, to drinking hot tea with my 87 year old grandmother. I was a teen mom before MTV made them a “cool reality”. I balanced raising a baby with graduating high school.
Then in my early 20’s I married a man to solidify my “adulthood”. We played house and co-habitated. I balanced being a wife and going to partys. I was a mess. I felt like a stranger in my body.

Fast forward 6 years. Divorce, a career change, raising a pre-teen while the ex went into the military, I met a creative, hilarious bald man. I had never been so happy. (Fast forward 10 years. Still Happily married to this funny bald man. #instagramhusband)

I discovered running at the age of 24. It was Exhilarating! I was never fat. I didn’t need to loose weight. I ran because I had this excess energy built up and it was an addictive endorphine release. Then it turned into an obsession. A 12 year obsession. I HAD to run everyday. If I missed a day I felt like shit. So I stopped cold turkey. Gave my body a rest.

Currently I’m at a great place, physically and mentally. I balance long distance running on the weekends with barre classes. Barre has changed my life, taught me how to slow down. Sometimes I struggle in class with the movements, keeping them small and contracted. Sometimes I want to break out and dance. I find myself tucking and tapping my fingers to the music on the bar. Its energizing. And its changing my body. I’m stronger. My calf muscles take me faster and farther on my runs.

I had the pleasure of trying Barre Lite on Sunday. I was sceptical of how “lite” it was actually going to be when I found out Kim was teaching the class. My legs were tired from running. I was kind of hoping Barre Lite meant half-ass stretching and then clapping at the end. But it didn’t. And we burned through a great class that I will definitely be regularly attending.

We live in such a fast paced society. We run ragged and exhausting lives, balancing careers and families. Do yourself a favor. Stop, Drop and Roll whenever you are on fire …..and meet me at the Barre.

Its the middle of January, just about the time my seasonal depression sets in. Its dark all the time. Its cold. My skin is dry, itchy, pale. My lips crack and chap. The dreaded winter weight gain starts to creep in.

Yup, winter blows!!

Not to mention my 39th birthday is next week. Try being a kid with a winter birthday, not exactly the most popular. No obnoxious pinata’s for me outside!! I love obnoxious things. I like being annoying! My poor siblings took the brunt of my hell as kids. Now I have a husband to torture. And by torture I mean annoying songs, dancing naked, drum beating on everything and making doggie voices…. I would make a great (x-rated) reality show.

But my newest obnoxious obsession is doing barre kicks, anywhere. Everywhere. Standing in line at the grocery store, I’ll hold the cart and do kicks and tucks. Standing at the copy machine at work, kick. In front of the microwave, kick. I’m like a barre ninja!

Anyway, back to winter blahs and ways of coping with seasonal depression. We all get it, we’re midwesterners. But there are ways to cope, and I don’t mean popping a Cybalta. The best ways I found to improve my mood is getting outside. I know its cold. But fresh air and movement seem to clear my mind. Opens up my good mood senses.

I took 2 of the HARDEST and FULLEST barre classes yet this past weekend, Kelly and Kim were in rare form. Both saturday and sunday were intense. I loved it. Movement is a form of therapy people! I’m such a glutton for punishment, I then went for a 6 mile run outside. And you know what. I felt alive!….

I am encouraged and excited about the future of BCB, seeing all the new faces in class is awesome! Everyone is getting in the competitive spirit, thanks to Cori’s January challenge.

So here’s to kicking the winter blahs ass & fending off the dreaded bulge / I’ll see you at the barre…