Sunday, April 27, 2014

Endless Miles

Yesterday I went in a 25k race in this park.

Today I walked 24.5k in a different park.

Yesterday, being in an actual race, I was trying to keep my speed up and practice for the Calgary marathon. So in my mind, I kept running over the numbers and figuring if I could finish in less than 6 hours.

Today, I was thinking 55 hour race. I only walked, but kept running over the numbers of how many hours to get to 100 miles.

But, 100 miles can't be the goal. This goal definition has been wrasseled out of my mind finally. My mind has already determined that 100 miles is just a number; its meaning wrapped up in what other people think. So my mind has rejected it as a goal. Also, what other people think has been relegated to the dopamine reward cycle. So doing what others praise me for can't be the goal and also the praise itself is rejected by my mind. I can't describe the massive disgust I feel when I say, "I ran 96 miles," and "they" reply, "too bad you missed 100." This is why I can't make 100 the goal. I can only make doing what I can my goal.

So I decided to do what I have to do but not tell anyone. Right at that point, another runner in the park (whom I've seen but not talked to before) came up to me and asked me what I was training for. So much for my secrecy plan.

1 comment:

Anonymous
said...

Beautiful insight on goals.

I came to similar conclusions 25 years ago, and have yet to change my ideas about it. Goals focusing on effort, rather than external results = joy, fearlessness, not being dependent upon the whims of somebody or something outside of ourselves.