Friday, December 31, 2010

I feel like I'm writing an obituary for someone I love dearly. You are gone now, but I need to express my strong feelings for you, so I'm writing you this letter.

When you first came around, I wasn't expecting much. You started pretty dully, just my husband and I preparing pictures for our adoption profiles, preparing ourselves for a long wait. My mom was in the middle of a messy divorce (it was finalized, but she was still in the middle of the messy emotions). My sister was pregnant with my nephew, and just about to pop. My little cousin ("nephew") was a newborn, and my niece was just two days old when you first showed up. I was up to my elbows in other people's babies, and dealing with all the raw, ugly emotions that we infertiles have to wallow through in such situations. I was working a lot, and working an extra job to make money for the adoption. I was also taking my licensing exam to start work as a realtor, to also make more money for the adoption. I was soon to be working 4 jobs total, and that alone made you look like a daunting year.

Like I said, I didn't have high hopes for you. Sorry about that. I guess I should learn not to jump to conclusions.

Boy did you make me wrong. You have proven yourself to be one of the best years of my life, mainly for one reason. You were the year that made me a Mommy. March rolled around, and BOOM... my life was changed. We were matched, and you started to seem grand! Granted, there was still a lot of time for things to go wrong, but you just kept proving to be a better year than I could have dreamed.

When things started to get dicey, you always seemed to perk up. One minute, we would think things were rough... and then suddenly, something good happened. Once July rolled around, and our baby was laid in our arms, I knew you were truly something special. And, in November, when all was finalized... I could have just squealed with joy (and I probably did...) Wow, were you great!

Okay... so, you weren't all good. You are probably the most unhealthy year of my life. I have been sick so many times since you showed up. I've probably had 5 colds, a strange fever, a kidney infection, a UTI, a horrible antibiotic associated infection that has proven to be a bear to overcome, and 40 days worth of antibiotics. Not to mention, I had a number of my usual headaches. I was so unhealthy this year, in fact, that I was horribly sick the day my daughter was born. Remember that? Funny joke... heh.

But, despite all that, I met my daughter with you. And that makes you pretty daggone special in my book. I watched her see your seasons change for the first time. I watched her celebrate five whole months of her life with you. Five brilliant, gleaming, exciting months!

Oh, 2010, it's going to be hard to top becoming a first time mommy, but I have high hopes for the years that will follow you. They have a lot to live up to, but sharing those coming years alonside my husband and baby make me so excited for our future. Please know, as we celebrate Meerkat's first birthday in 2011, and as we watch her reach major milestones this year, that we will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remember you. We will talk about you forever. You were a "landmark year." Thank you for restoring my happiness, my hope, and my love for life.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Sorry I've been so lax in posting, but I've been busy and sick. The semester is over now, though, and I find myself with more free time. However, I am still sick. I've been sick now for over a month. I've been going back and forth to the doctor, and I've been on antibiotics for thirty days. I'm about to start another course.

If you pray, or send good vibes, or hope, or wish, please do one of those things for me. I can't take this much longer. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

See that picture up there? That's you this whole month - happy, happy, happy!!! Just when I think we've reached the "golden age" of babydom, you just get more fun! You smile all the time. You laugh so much. Every time Mommy and Daddy say "Hi Baby" in our high-pitched, baby-talk voice, you smile so big. This month you learned how to not just squeal with delight, but scream in delight, and you're delighted so often. You will just lay in your bed in the mornings, before we come in and get you, and squeal and scream and coo.

You've been content virtually the entire month. Though, yesterday, you did have a strange bout of screaming for no apparent reason. You just suddenly got a sad little puppy face and then started crying like a banshee. It was late, and we weren't home, so we think you were just extremely tired. I picked you up to comfort you and you snuggled your tear soaked face into my neck. I could cuddle with you all day long.

Mommy and Daddy had a week off work this month for Thanksgiving break, and OH MY! were we enjoying our time with you. It was so nice to wake up every morning and see your smiling face. We started to notice you followed a pretty strict nap schedule, even though we didn't put you on one. You are usually awake for 2-3 hours and then you sleep for an hour or two, and so on, until nightfall.

You still only drink every 4 hours, but you're up to six ounces at a feeding. And... you tried rice cereal for the first time this month! We started by feeding you rice cereal once every few days for the first couple weeks of the month. But now, we give it to you at dinner time, every night.

In the next couple weeks, we will start giving you oatmeal in the morning and rice cereal at night. We won't start veggies and fruits until six months. You love your rice cereal, though you were a little unsure of it at first. And still, if you're feeling a bit too hungry, you want your bottle more than the cereal, so I'll give you some of your bottle first, and then finish off the cereal.

But, your appetite isn't the only thing that started to grow this month. Your hair is starting to get very long! It's really curly, and only growing in the front top section of your head, but it's so cute!

You've learned a few new things this month. You rolled from tummy to back for the first time the other day, but you only did it once, and didn't do it again. It was like you just wanted to show us you knew how, but that you don't see the necessity. Also, you've started reaching for things. You just suddenly became aware of the fact that you could hold things in your hands. One day you just decided to play with the little bird hanging from your carseat, and now you play with everything. If we put something in front of you, you grab it. You love to try to put things in your mouth, but you haven't quite mastered the motor skills to make this task easy. You can usually get things there with a bit of trial and error. You love to take your paci out of your mouth and then try to put it back in. Usually, you'll get it there, but you won't take your hand away fast enough, and you end up dropping it on the floor.

You found your feet too! You love to play with them, but you can't get them in your mouth yet. You play with them a lot.

My sweet girl, I hope that you always approach life with the enthusiasm of your fifth month. Life can be a blast! It's moments like the ones we share with you that make me feel so full of energy and life. I can't wait to spend all of December and half of January at home with you! Thank God for this job that allows me that possibility. I love you so much!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

About Us:

We are two, happily married teachers/writers journaling our journey to build our family through the adoption process.

We are unable to conceive a child due to infertility. Though painful, it has grown us closer together, strengthened our desire to build our family through adoption, and brought us our beautiful little girl. We are journaling the excitement, fears, ins and outs of our adoption process so that others can learn from our experience.