patch

Daniel had no memory of the car crash that killed his wife patch and he couldn't understand why he kept seeing her. was it his guilt? was it their never ending love? why was she haunting him and was it true that he would never hold her again.

Submitted: August 24, 2016

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Submitted: August 24, 2016

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PATCH

Daniel opened his eyes and found himself lying on his childhood bed in a room that was decorated as though he hadn’t moved out years ago. He looked down and was confused because he was wearing a
suit and had several beer bottles on the blanket next to him.

Before Daniel could think any more about it there was a tapping on the door and his father walked in wearing what Daniel knew as his father’s funeral suit.

“It’s time,” Richland Beckford said to his son.

“Time?” Daniel said confused and standing to his feet.

Richland put his arm around his son, “I know it’s hard…we are going to take it one hour at a time.”

Daniel was in shock. He had no memory of the car accident that his father told him killed his wife Patricia “Patch”. He wouldn’t let himself believe that he was driving the car and that she was
gone. He didn’t remember the funeral, everything was a blur of misery…she can’t be gone.

Daniel stood on the pier behind his parent’s house staring down at a leaf as it drifted with the current trying to remember the last time he had held Patch.

“What you doin’?”

Daniel froze. He knew that voice like he knew his own.

He slowly turned and there she was the love of his life standing behind him on the pier wearing that little yellow sun dress that she looked so perfect in. At that moment the dark overcast
day opened up to show sunshine on her hair and face.

“Patch?” Daniel felt his chest tighten.

“Of course silly, where have you been?”

“Are you really here?” Daniel asked afraid to reach for her.

Patch flipped her hair and gave him that perfect smile that he had fallen in love with so many years before, “I would never leave you Danny…never.”

Daniel reached for her and just before their hands touched he woke up on his childhood bed breathing heavy with pierced lips trying to hold things together.

He walked to the window and looked out onto the lake trying to calm himself and then he saw her walking on the pier looking down at the water, “Patch! Patch!”

She didn’t look up so he ran down the stairs; he had to get to her, to hold her, to never let her go. He ran through the house passed his family and the dogs and out the back door and down the hill
to the pier, but the pier was empty. He looked up and down the beach with his hands on his hips breathing hard. He was positive she was there, it wasn’t his imagination...she was there.

Daniel knew his grief was overwhelming him and that there was no way that Patch could actually be there. He shared a few beers with his father before turning in.

“Fight Daniel…I need you to fight!”

Daniel woke up sweating and looking around. He didn’t remember what time he had gone to bed, but after that nightmare he gave up on sleep and went for a walk. He had dreamed that his father was
reaching out his hand for him and that he couldn’t reach him no matter how hard he tried.

The moon was shining bright on the water and he could see a reflection of everything around him and then he saw a reflection of something white and flowing.

“Hey stranger.”

Daniel was afraid to turn around.

“I miss you,” Patch said with that smile.

“I miss you so much Patch…I don’t remember the accident…I don’t remember…”

“Losing me,” she finished for him. “You haven’t lost me Danny…come with me…be with me.”

Daniel turned around and looked into her sad eyes, “I love you Patch…but maybe I have to let you go…I don’t know what I’m doing any more.”

Patch licked her lips and took a deep breath, “Don’t give up Danny, don’t give up on us.”

Daniel turned around and put his back to her and closed his eyes, “I have to move on with my life Patch, you’re gone and I can’t keep chasing you.”

“Fight for us Danny,” he barely heard as if it was floating on the wind from far away.

Daniel opened his eyes and spun around, but she was gone again.

Through the night what little sleep Daniel had was haunted by old Nick at Night television shows where his head was on Andy Taylor’s body and Ricky Ricardo’s body and when he got up in the morning
he went to the library to see if he could find a newspaper from the day of the accident to try and help him remember what happened. Was he seeing her because of his guilt, could she be a ghost, why
couldn’t he escape this nightmare?

The next morning Daniel walked to the library because he couldn’t make himself get behind the wheel of a car. He sat and looked through the newspapers, but couldn’t find anything about the
accident. He was starting to wonder if he should go to the police and asked if they thought it was an accident…but he knew even if they thought it was an accident didn’t mean that it wasn’t due to
his negligence in some way.

“Are you alright?”

Daniel looked up into the eyes of a kind looking blonde woman in dark colored nursing scrubs.

“I’m sorry?” he said waiting for her to repeat her question.

“Are you alright?”

It wasn’t until then that Daniel realized that his nose was bleeding and he had a sharp pain in his head. The last thing he remembered was the room starting to spin and the blonde reaching out to
support him.

When Daniel opened his eyes everything was too bright and everyone around him was so fuzzy that he couldn’t do anything but squint, but no matter how many times he tried he couldn’t make anything
come in clearly and then everything went dark again.

The next thing he remembered was opening his eyes and found himself again in his childhood bed with just the small desk lamp turned on. He was grateful that the bright lights were gone.

“You gave us a scare,” Richland said from the door.

“What happened?”

Richland sat on the side of the bed next to his son, “Doctors said cluster migraines residual from the accident, they said you have to take it easy…they said you have to be strong and time will
tell.”

“I don’t feel very strong right now.”

“One day at a time son, I know how strong you are and that you will fight and you will be fine.” Richland patted his son’s arm, “Get some rest, I will always be here for you.”

Daniel rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. He heard his father close the door. Daniel took in a deep breath and let it out with a huge sigh.

“Danny.”

Daniel opened his eyes as they filled with tears, “Patch…did I kill you…is that why you are haunting me?”

Patch sat next to him on the side of the bed, “You didn’t kill me Danny…I’m right here…all you have to do is fight to be with me.”

Daniel noticed that she wasn’t as vibrant as she had been the other times he had seen her, “You look tired Patch…maybe it’s time to let go.”

“I will never give up on us Danny.”

“You have to rest in peace, I love you Patch and I always have, but I can’t live like this.”

Daniel noticed a tear run down her reddened cheek.

“I will hold on to you my love until there is nothing left to hold on to…and I love you too.”

Patch faded away and with a heavy heart Daniel started to cry. He didn’t know what to do, how to get rid of the guilt, how to help his love rest in peace, how to help himself find peace.

Daniel walked down the stairs, the house was especially cold tonight and he wanted to turn down the air conditioner because he couldn’t stop shivering. His throat was sore and he imagined he was
coming down with something.

Prior to reaching the control panel for the air conditioning he heard a noise in the kitchen and went to investigate, he half hoped it was his love and half hoped that she had moved on and found
peace.

Richland was sitting with his back to Daniel staring at the refrigerator.

He watched Richland lean over and put his head in his hands and start to cry.

Daniel stood and moved toward his father, but then he got that pain in his head again and the room started to spin and he tried to grab hold of the table as he went down but he missed and the last
thing he remembered was how cold the floor felt against his cheek.

When Daniel opened his eyes he was in a hospital bed. He didn’t know any more what was real and what was a bad dream. He was trying to figure out if the accident had caused some type of trauma in
his brain that was making him hallucinate, that was making him have nightmares and he had lost track of the days and had no idea how long ago the accident was…or the funeral. Why was he having so
much trouble putting the pieces together?

The blonde nurse in the scrubs walked toward him, but he was unable to speak to her. He wanted to find out what was going on and why he was in the hospital.

“Daniel, just relax,” he heard her say. “Your family went downstairs to get something to eat.” He couldn’t form words, he couldn’t speak even when he saw the nurse pick up a syringe and inject
something into an IV line, was it his IV line…what was happening? Before he could even struggle he felt a warmth covering his entire body and then he was asleep.

Daniel had more nightmares of his family reaching for him and he was unable to reach them. He saw his father crying and then Patch and he was unable to tell them that he was alright and that he was
there with them.

He woke up in a cold sweat in his childhood room with the sun bright in the sky. He quickly showered to try and wash away the nightmares and then went downstairs because he was starving. The house
was empty and silent. Two pieces of toast and a scramble egg later he walked out into the morning sun.

Daniel had come to the conclusion that he had some type of traumatic brain injury that was causing his hallucinations and his headaches and his nightmares and he was hoping this would get back to
normal given enough time…of course nothing would ever be normal without Patch.

He walked out onto the pier and could feel the warmth of the sun on his face. Then he started to feel dizzy and lost his footing and fell backward into the water. He went under no matter how hard
he fought to reach the surface. He couldn’t breath and everything was dark around him in the water. He struggled and tried to swim up, but something was holding him back. His lungs were burning and
he started to feel cold, but he was determined not to give up…then he heard someone say his name.

“Daniel, I am taking the breathing tube out…you have to stop fighting me!”

Finally, Daniel was able to open his eyes as he saw the doctor remove a large tube from his mouth and he was able to draw in a deep breath as he eyes started to well up with tears.

“Danny,” he heard from the other side as someone squeezed his hand.

He turned his head and Patch was sitting their next to him crying, tears were streaming down her face and she looked as though she hadn’t slept for days, “I knew you would come back to me…I just
knew…”

Daniel was confused, was this another nightmare?

He looked down toward his feet and Richland was standing there smiling down on him, “It was touch and go for a while there son.” “You have been in a coma for a week and Patch and I have not left
your side and we kept begging you to come back to us. You spiked a fever last night and we were really worried, but I know how strong you are and I knew you would make your way back to us.”

Daniel looked over at his wife and with a scratchy voice whispered, “It was all a dream?”

She took his hand and held it close against her, “I prayed that you would be alright, I told you over and over that I would never leave you and begged you to come back to me.”

“Accident?” Daniel got out trying to piece everything together.

“You lost control of the car because the roads were wet and the storm was horrible and you hit your head. You had swelling on your brain and they had to place that awful tube down your throat and I
was so worried. “

Daniel squeezed her hand, “I dreamt I lost you.”

“You will never lose me Danny, thank you for coming back to me…I love you.”

Daniel started to cry because he was coming out of the haze now and everything was making more sense. He knew now the visions of Patch were because she was sitting by his hospital bed talking to
him and telling him to come back to her. That his father kept telling him to fight to survive and that the flashes of bright light and the nurse were things that his mind was picking up from the
real hospital, but he was not able to process the real world from his dream world.

But all that mattered now was that Patch was there and she was alive and soon he would be able to wrap her in his arms and never let her go. Daniel had a broken leg and a concussion, but none of
that would matter in the days to come because he was happy and he was whole again.