Friday, February 26, 2010

Do we remember to tell the people we love that we love them, or do u take it for granted that u'll see them tomorrow? How do u know that ur see you later, is not ur last good bye? I am very aware of how transient (for lack of a better word) this life is. I don't live in state of constant fear of dying but i live my life esp in dealing with people knowing that tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone. I'm not perfect at it cos i still get mad at people, but if i know that i want u to be a part of my life, i try to make that happen. If it doesn't at least i tried.

My sister just got a call that her bestfriend's mom passed away. She said she saw her 2 days ago and she seemed fine. I saw her the first week when i first got here when we went to pick her grandson up. How was anyone to know that her days were numbered and she wouldn't make it to the end of the month.

I tell my friend to call his mom all the time. He doesn't listen. He is taking it for granted that she's going to be there tomorrow. Even if she lives for another 20 yrs, at least while she's alive let her know you care for her. Me and mom don't have the best mother daughter relationship, but i talk to her even if it's for 2 mins at least 3-4 times a week, even in the height of all my school stress.

Long story short, pls let the pple u love know and don't take life for granted. Don't take it too seriously either cos none of us are getting out of this mess alive. Enjoy ur day people. I'm going to my last day of orientation. Boy, has it been a torturous week. I'm so glad this orientation business is over.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

So i took myself to work today albeit reluctantly and of course i was late. It was just a stressful drive. I waited until the last minute to leave the house and there was mad traffic on the way. Driving in FL so far has proved stressful. I have to switch to too many lanes to get on my exit both coming and going to work. Ordinarily, that would not be a problem but there's just too much traffic and i'm scared of getting in an accident. Hopefully i wouldn't be given 7a-3p (1st shift). Early morning traffic sucks.

We spent the first day of orientation learning how to do self-defense/safe patient handling training. There's a proper name for it, but i don't care to remember right now. I have taken the training before at my other job. If i hadn't worked in a psych hospital before i would have been scared. Heck, i was still scared. I know i was glad when i was stopped working at that other hospital cos it's really not the safest work environment and not everyone is cut out to do it. But ultimately, i think i can handle myself very well in that environment. I know how to deal with the patients because more than anything i can empathize and know that it's not about me. Regardless of how sick or out of control someone is, they still have someone out there who loves them. I try not to get into a power struggle with anyone. If the situation is getting out of hand, if i can't verbally deescalate it, i call for help. I really wasn't trying to get hurt and thankfully i didn't. Not one scratch on my body the whole time i worked them. Most of my co-workers were punched or slapped, or seriously hurt, but i was lucky and i'm praying that that same luck goes with me this time around. I don't want wahala, i just want to be able to do what i find interesting and pay my bills at the same time.

I can't believe that at this age i am still trying to find myself. I remember doing that at 16. I used to ask myself all the time, who i was. I really wanted to know. Only this time around, i know who i am, i just can't help thinking there has to be more to my life than this. So i go back to med school in August, graduate without any other problems (knock on wood), become a doctor, then what? That's it? My life has to serve more purpose than that. I know i can do more, i want to do more. I feel like i have this itch that i don't know exactly where it is, so i can't scratch it properly but it's itching badly. I want to do so many things. My head is swimming with half formed ideas and i can't come up with anything concrete. Add the fact that i'm not a people person, naturally reserved, and kinda standoffish. All of which can be attributed to my natural shyness, which may or may not be a direct result of being raised in Kirikiri maximum prison with an overzealous prison warden aka my mother, i'm not exactly eager to throw myself out there and do stuff. So as u can see, i have issues.

However, as a start, i have signed up to become a video mentor to a kid in South Africa. It might end of being a kid in another African country but for right now i think it's most likely going to be a kid in SA. I'm really looking forward to that. I believe i am meant to be a mentor or a motivational speaker in the future. I really love mentoring people whenever i get a chance. I like to share knowledge and pass along information, besides i can't let all the crazy experiences i have had go to waste. Someone has to learn from it. So i guess my video mentoring thing is a step in the right direction. We'll c.

By the way, what's up with pple who poke u on facebook, then u poke back, then they poke back......... they don't say a word, whether on the wall, inbox, nothing. It annoys me!! After the first poke me, i poke u, then u poke me, i usually get fed up and say something. I don't get the point of the never ending pokes. Are u afraid of talking to me? What's the deal? You got my attention, now say something. This latest round of pokes is from this guys i had a crush on 2 yrs ago. I deleted him from my facebook page on day when my brain was touching, now out of the blue after almost 2 yrs, he resurfaces with the stupid poking. He doesn't add me back, or say anything. I finally gave up and say hey. He says hey back and nothing else really. I just told him so we can both be put out of our miseries that i just said hey cos i was tired of the back and forth poking.

About to start my first day of work and i really don't want to go. As crazy as med school is, it still beats going to work everyday. Although i think med school is worse than 2 full time jobs if u ask me, and i should know cos i worked two jobs last year and i thot it would prepare me for the rigors of med school, but it didn't. It really didn't. Med school was worse. So here i am, blogging instead of picking out clothes and taking a shower and i have to be there at 8 am and it takes me close to an hour to get to this place.

Another round of working in a mental hospital. I don't know if i'm ready. Oh lord, help me.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I was 158.4 or 158.6lbs last week saturday. I somehow managed to lose about 1.4lbs. Don't ask me how that happened. I haven't done anything special. I went for a walk with my sister and the dogs a couple of times. Was supposed to go today, but i was too busy fighting and being miserable to go.

Oh, i just remembered i have been sick. I had the world's worst sore throat for the first couple of days i was sick. Still not fully recovered, so i'm sure that had something to do with the weight loss.

No one has made me feel like this in a long time. I feel so out of control, like i can't get my emotions in check and i'm letting someone get the better of me. It's not that serious. No one can put you through what u don't let them. I've had many bad days this yr and today was right up there with the rest of them, but instead of being about school stress, it was because of a boy. My emotions just got out of hand and unfortunately i can't attribute it to PMS.

Your apologies just fuel my anger. Ordinarily, we would have been fine since yesterday, but i just couldn't stop being angry, to the point where i made u angry and now we are on this stupid roller coaster.
Who's apologizing to who? I've spent ovr 24hrs been mad, but now when i am ready to stop being mad, u decide to start being mad. I'm still angry, but right now i want ur attention more than i want to be angry and i can't get it.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I can't believe i spent the last hr fighting with some random chic i don't know on facebook! I haven't been so entertained in a long time though. I love words. You want to have a war of words with me, 9 out of 10 times, u'll lose. All this was over Man U o! Meanwhile, i am a piggy back man u supporter, and she thot i was against man u and she pretty much told me to chop shit. Well, that's where all hell broke loose. Anyway, i enjoyed myself.

Since i'm so jobless at the moment, i will oblige Simeone and copy and paste the conversation. I will leave out other pple's comments that are irrelevant.

Friend's Status aka cause of the whole wahala: Yeah!!! MAN U for life...hehehe (Come to find out l8r he was an arsenal fan that was being sarcastic)

Me: Didn't they lose?

Unknown chic:Yeah so? MANCHESTER UNITED FOR EVER!!!! You've a problem with that chop shit!Me:@Unknown chic.... who r u? I was asking Friend a question, i don't know what hole u crawled out from. Pls learn some manners, it would take u far in life.
Random guy: Sting... I doubt that was directed at you
Unknown Chic: Do you mind the over ambitious by-stander who is so desperate for attention? Man U rocks! Deal with it?

Me: Deal with it? Learning how to use punctuation to get ur point across would help also. Seeing how u came from nowhere to contribute, i think that qualifies YOU as the bystander. FYI, i actually support Man U. You r just an overzealous rock.

Unknown chic: Yeah sweaty pants! You are so dim-witted that bothering to reply you is depressing, really. You support Man U? So? Besides, this isn't your status is it? It just kills you that your ineptitude is exposed and you can't deal with it....i pity you seriously....

Me: Wow, now that u have used all the big words u manage to possess in ur limited vocabulary, i bet that makes u seem 10 times smarter. Mumu X10. It depresses u to reply, yet u keep replying. U must like being depressed. Ezinne, i must contribute. Now, that i have entertained myself with u this morning, i will leave u to ur depression. Seek help b4 u get to the point of wanting to kill urself o!!

@Friend: My apologies for using ur status to play with this old woman with a little girl's brain.

Unknown Chic: You are pathetic puppy-poop and your case, laughable! You are sadly despondent and i honestly shouldn't let you expose your depreciating state of dementia but, what the heck? It makes for great entertainment so darling-idiot, yak on!

Random Guy 2: Woow! i sense some hostility up in ere!!...united and wazza still rule..

Random Guy 1: United we stand before oh!!! Wetin be this. I order every1 to take back their statements... Or una de period. Show some luv

Me: lol....Unknown Chic are u still replying? Don't tear ur dictionary o! Anyway, u must like being depressed. Keep replying. I'm entertained by ur use of English. Anyhoodle, thanks for being such a great sport. I was bored before u decided to come talk anyhow to someone u don't know. Man U supporter of the year! I have awarded u that. I hope u r happy now, so u can let ur dictionary rest. How's ur depression? LOL... ah mehn. I am so tickled by this chic.

Unknown Chic: Random Guy 1...i wasn't even talking to her in the first place but its pretty obvious her myopia. Oh yeah babe...its been an interesting day and glad to spice up your otherwise boring life, thank you very much. Thank you for the award and have been rehearsing my acceptance speech but now it has come, i'm chocked with emotion... United for ever!Now "Friend", where are you?

Unknown Chic: Random Guy I...she isn't even a supporter! Note her first comment..'didn't they loose'..and she's claiming Man U..besides, if she were, she'd have hailed and moved on but i guess she missed out on common sense. Whatever makes you sleep silly! Pleasure's all mine.

Me: My first comment was a question dummy!!! An innocent question for that matter. Anyway, u r getting boring, i think u should go and sit down somewhere.

So this is pretty much how i spent my Saturday morning. It was very immature, i know but i so enjoyed it. It was actually very stimulating. I can't remember the last time i did this with anyone. So allow me my one day of childishness. I totally earned it.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Being trying to update blogsville gist. Thinking of directions to go with that blog. So many possibilities, but i am lazy.

I have the flu. Thought was a cold, but my Sister-Nurse said it was the flu. I got the nasal spray vaccine in school last yr. First time i was vaccinated for the flu. It made me sick for a day.

I refused to get the H1N1 vaccine after that.

Being doing some serious amebo online. Googling stuff i have no business googling. They say curiousity kills the cat, but I say i have to be in the loop.

Had my recurring nightmare of going to write an exam and not knowing what to write. I've had that same dream about 10 times now. Different locations, different pple, different class levels, same dream.

I need to start studying again, but i don't want to.

Being thinking of the friend(s) i gave up this year. I think i made the right decision. I really can't stand selfish people. It's not all about you all the time. I just sent one a text telling her i think she is selfish.

Been learning that not everyone is your friend. We shouldn't be dashing people that title all willy nilly. They have to earn it. Just because u hang out with someone and do stuff doesn't mean they are ur friends. I guess that's why there's a distinction between friends and true friends.

I'm not even trying to be friends with anyone right now. Definitely not going out of my way. Sorry.

I almost got into 3 different accidents today cos i was hopelessly lost. One with an ambulance who i refused to give way for. Why u ask? Cos the dumb ambulance driver did not have the siren on, so i thought i didn't have to pull over. When i saw he was abt to drive into my car and he blasted his siren, i quickly stepped on my brakes. He did the same thing to the pple in front. Put ur damn sirens on!!!

My GPS decided to malfunction in the middle of the highway so that added to my lost in florida adventure. It took me over an hour to get home. If i wasn't sick and feeling like crap, i wouldn't have minded at all. I get lost all the time, even with my GPS. Talk abt being directionally challenge. I love my GPS though, i don't know how i survived before i got it.

I know not to expect things from people, but i keep on forgetting. That's what causes all the drama.

Oh, and i need to go pee really bad, but i dont want to get up from this chair. TMI, i know but that's what u get for reading this far. Ha ha! Oya, make i go b4 old woman piss for body.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Friends, lovers and bloggers. I am sick! My weight loss program has been derailed by yours truly before it even started. Made meat pies yesterday and had some. Hmmm.... I went for a walk in the cold this morning even with my sore throat. I think that should count for something. I am aiming to be 157lbs by Saturday.

I got a job yesterday as a mental health associate at a behavioral health center. I like euphemisms. The lady who interviewed me said they needed more pple like me. Okay o. I'm just happy it's not an $8 an hr job. I think i should be more appreciative and thank God but i was kind of sad yesterday. They had a variety fest on saturday at my school and i saw pictures of my classmates dressed in their costumes or whatever. It made me sad sha, but i got over it. No use being sad for too long cos it's not going to change anything.

Even with my bastardly sore throat, i have a craving for fried yams......... and egg stew. It's going to be 8 yrs this yr, yet it feels like i left Nigeria yesterday. Time is flying faster than i would like.

Question of the day. What does being cultured mean to u? Someone told me i wasn't cultured today and i felt very insulted. Never mind, he said he was joking. I didn't find it funny and i am still pissed at him. When person too play, na the result be this.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I just came back from an all u can eat buffet. Chineke God in heaven, i am so full, i can't even breath. Right now i am prone on my bed, taking shallow breaths and typing. 2 days into this weight loss business and i already fell off the wagon. See, what had happened was.......... I started off with one plate. I had a little rice, some shrimp, catfish, pork steak (or something like that) and some corn. My plate wasn't piled high, it was just a regular plate. I ate 3/4ths of the plate and i was full. My sister and her fiance said i was crazy. I need to eat my $10 worth of food. Hmmmm...... this is where self control should have kicked in, abi? But no o, i went back for another plate.Came back with a scoop of mash potatoes, mac and cheese, a piece of chicken and some cat fish. I ate the mashed potatoes and the cat fish and i was DONE. Couldn't breathe. I dont eat a lot of food at one time. I'm a nibbler. Shey any normal person with common sense will stop. My sister's fiance started talking abt the dessert bar and how there's all these cheese cakes and stuff. He was just doing it to tantalize me and it worked. So i carried myself there, and got some chocolate thingy covered with nuts and this other dessert that looked like a flat cake or something. I no know wetin the thing be, but i got it anyway. I didn't c any cheese cake. I ate all that, then finished up my fruit punch. Got home and drank a 32oz bottle of water. Now i'm in a food induced stupor plus my gastritis isn't being too friendly right now. Bad combination, i tell ya!

I am now the proud owner of......... wait for it............. A snuggie!!! For those who have not heard of it, it's a blanket with sleeves. My sister's fiance felt like i needed it since i walk around the house with my furry blanket. Hey, as long as i wasn't paying for it, i'll take it. Although i think it looks really silly. I initially picked the pink one, but changed my mind and got the blue one instead. I think a pink snuggie is a little too much. Just a teeny weeny bit too much. My nephew has a camo one by the way. My sister said it looked like something someone in a cult would wear and i agree.

So how did u love birds spend ur valentine's day. I was so indifferent abt it. My friend of over 8 yrs called to say he loved me and stuff. Wetin i want talk to that one? All i could say was thank you. I accepted all the compliments and prayers and went on my binge fest described above.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

So someone just told me that i can't lose weight. I love challenges. My weight loss effort so far has solely been in my head since July 2009, so now that i have been challenged, it's on. Thank God i ate all the cheesecake i wanted this week. The cheesecake don finish so no more temptation, let's do this. I only need to lose 8 lbs to no longer be considered overweight and 20lbs to be at my ideal weight. I'm not playing anymore. All those midnight craving for yogurt and pita chips have officially ended. Water, u r now my best friend. I refuse to go back to school in August and be one of the biggest chics in school at 158lbs. All those girls are a size freaking 0 and they work out every day. It's ridiculous.

Starting weight is 158lbs. Will update every week to track my progress. Hopefully i don't die on the elliptical in my weight loss quest. I could only do 2 mins yesterday. LOL. I am more than a mess.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I think it's interesting how we think we are one way but the reality might be different. That's why i hate those tell me about yourself question. Big med school interview question, btw. Well, my sister told me a couple of days ago that i was condescending and after having time to process it and observe myself objectively, i think i believe her. It was easy for the message to sink in cos it wasn't like we were fighting when she said it. She said it a couple of times while laughing after i said something to her fiance, so i asked later if she meant it and she said yes. She repeated something i said to him and made me put myself in his shoes. What i said sounded totally different from what i really meant. I agree cos when i get into arguement with people and they try to say, i didn't do this or you can't think that based on what i did, i always say that I am the recipient of ur behavior, let me tell u how u came across, cos most times we just don't know.

Being told i am condescending has made me more aware of my thot process especially when filling out job applications. Most of the time i'm thinking to myself what kind of stupid questions are these. I feel like these jobs are beneath me. Now before u go rolling ur eyes at me, let me tell u that i've only had 3 jobs. The first one was working for my dad at his liquor store. I did that for almost 5 yrs. Overlapping that was the research assistant job that became a research technician job, and overlapping the research tech job was the mental health assistant job. So i've never worked in a fast food restuarant or department store or any of the places pple start out working at.

The thot of being paid $8 an hour just totally rubs me the wrong way. I was making way more than that as an undergrad. I wouldn't even have given a second thot to what i was thinking abt this job search process if my sister hadn't said i was condescending. So maybe i am condescending or maybe i'd rather be in school instead of looking for some bullshit $8 an hour job. I don't really know, but i am applying though. I need to pay those bills and i don't do idleness very well. So i guess when the time comes i will get off my high horse and go to work and have a good attitude too. That's what professionalism is all about. At least i learned that from my 6 month stint in med sch. It's so crazy that even when things were at their roughest in school, i still didn't c myself doing anything else. When my M2 friend came over to c me, she asked me if i won a million dollars would i come back to med school and i said yes and meant it. I told my sister yesterday that if it was someone that was making me do this, i would have left it a long time ago, but instead i feel driven not just to become a doctor but more than that. I know my life's purpose lies in there somewhere. I don't think i'm going to save the world or any of that idealistic crap, but I know i have been put on this earth to make a difference. I know it and i will see this journey to the end.

I am paranoid that one of my classmate is reading this blog. He used my computer when we first started school and found my blog from the history. He admitted to reading it and any time he would take my computer he would read my blog. Which i didn't like. I don't know if he was curious enough to memorise my blog url or he just searches for my blog title which is easy to remember. I noticed that someone did that when i was looking at google analytics. Also, someone from the city my school is at has been coming on this blog. Well, i had a reader from that city way before i started med school, so it could be that person. Who knows.

I'm just paranoid esp since right now the dude is not one of my favorite pple. He was the 2nd person in my class that i told what happened. He went and told this chic that i'm not friends with and actually had issues with which he KNEW about and she calls me and leaves me a message. I was so angry. I called him and he opened his mouth to say, i thot u would want her to know. What?!!! At that point i knew it was just gossip. Then he was like, oh, do you know the other person in our class that this happened to. I told him i didn't hear anything and he said "let me shut up cos i'm really sounding like an amebo". At least he got that right. This dude has not once called me to see how i am doing. Not once, since Jan 10th when i told him, and after i called him abt telling that other chic stuff. Not once! And silly me was thinking he was my friend. I went to his church twice and even called him once after service, he never picked his phone or called me back. What kind of human being is that. Yet pple who were my hi-hello friends have called me to check on me or even sent me facebook messages. People never cease to amaze me. I'm still learning sha. I shouldn't be giving everyone the title of friend.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I think my tiredness is finally catching up to me. I made the 5 hr drive to FL. It went faster than the last time drove down. So far i like being here. It helps me forget but i still get sad out of the blue sometimes. I just get quiet and let it pass, there's really not much i can do besides that.

I saw Lenie for the first time since July of last year. He doesn't know me anymore. I thot i was fine with it, but there's a little part of me that feels sad. He's not my dog anymore. He's more my sister's dog now cos he sleeps at her feet and follows her around like he used to do with me. Kinda sad but i understand. He seems to be coming around though. There are two other dogs in the house. The youngest dog Nadia, is the alpha dog and she wants all the attention. Lenie is quiet, and backs down. Kimiko is Nadia mother, but if u didnt know, u would think it was the opposite.

My sister had a superbowl party on Sunday. There was tons of food. I learned out to make deviled eggs, wings and Pizza bread. I guess i could add empanadas on that list too. I loved the guava one, it was really good. I guess i should have taken pictures, but that was the last thing on my mind. There was a lot of work to be done and i was pretty tired. I tried to not be my typical anti social self, although i had to go to my room to get a breather a couple of times. Too many pple i dont know overwhelm me. I can deal with it in school cos i just tune them out, but it's different in a social setting. I did pretty good though. Most of the guys were upstairs. They were all marines and navy people cos my sister and her fiance are both in the navy and marine respectively. That's my weekend story.

I hope i find a job soon cos contrary to popular belief, i am not independently wealthy. I need to start studying again cos i need to go over what they r doing this semester and then start back on what we did last year. Don't really feel like it, but it's the best thing to do and it's what i was advised to do. I can't bum my way until August.

I've been thinking a lot abt friends and frienship. I will do a separate post on that. Also, i was taking this survey and one of the question was What are the qualities of your dream guy? They said be clear and detailed, after all how would u know if the one if u are not clear, abi? I need to put my thots together on that one.

I'll hook u guys up with the recipe for deviled eggs and pizza bread. It's really easy to make. Now i know what to make if i ever have to attend a pot luck again.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Well, 13 hrs minus the 20 mins i drove at the beginning of the trip before i was kicked to the passenger's side for driving too slow and almost missing the first toll booth. Chicago people and their toll booths sha!

Got pulled over in Kentucky and was given a $203 ticket for driving 91 in a 70 zone

I still taxed him for all the money he had on him after i dropped him off at his house.

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