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Monday, March 26, 2012

Boobies and Squirrel Margaritas

Anthony Bourdain

Recently I attended a “Ta Ta to the Ta-Ta’s” party for my
dear friend, Dyanne. Here’s a hint: if
you want an irreverent friend to make you laugh at inappropriate moments, call
me. Or Dyanne. Or Kittie or Sarah Jo or Kathy or, well, you
get the picture. Needless to say, things
got out of hand and we mostly succeeded
in keeping Dyanne from crying during the event.

At this lively function we seized the opportunity to bid a
sweet “adieu” (to be read with a strong French accent, thank you very much) to
Dyanne’s breasts which have recently decided to misbehave by harboring some
cancerous cells. Yes, there was a giant booby
cake. And wine and margaritas. And a book titled, “I Love Ranch Dressing and OtherStuff White Midwesterners Like” which, naturally, was sent by Dyanne’s L.A.
friends (who can totally get away with that sort of stuff).

The good news in all of this is that Dyanne will finally get
those Jennifer Anniston boobs that she has always wanted (and really, who hasn’t wanted those babies? I must
remember to let her borrow my Jen profile pic that I use on Facebook during
doppelganger week). Additionally, she
was already planning on having this surgery as a precaution to the possibility
that those ta-ta’s might develop some sort of cancer. The bad news is, of
course, that those damn things didn’t let her beat them to the punch.

Unfortunately, Dyanne is my second friend this year to
receive the dreaded “C-word diagnosis”. Thankfully,
due to advances in both the detection and the treatment of breast cancer, both
friends have a good prognosis for recovery.
While there is always the chance that things can go wrong, at this point
I choose not to focus on the negative and instead want to share what doctors and
researchers have learned that will, hopefully, save these women’s lives.

Over the years doctors have learned that there are some
types of breast tissue that are prone to developing cancerous cells. Dyanne knew that her breasts fell into this
category and thus had developed a proactive plan for hopefully avoiding cancer.
During one of her preliminary tests, Dyanne’s doctor observed some suspicious
activity in her cells and ordered a biopsy which, sadly, came back
positive. The down side to all of this
is that she must have the surgery now instead of having the luxury of waiting until
this summer. Fortunately, due to early
detection and a non-aggressive cancer, Dyanne will most likely not need to
undergo chemotherapy. So, while she has
received a very sobering report on the health of her breasts, it is, according
to one doctor friend, the best case scenario she could hope for given the
situation.

My other friend, however, is a completely different
case. Her cancer is extremely aggressive
and she is currently undergoing chemotherapy treatment in the hopes of
shrinking her tumor enough for it to be safely removed later this spring. Since my friend’s mother is a breast cancer
survivor, she knew she too was a candidate for the disease. During her monthly self-exam she detected
something unusual and immediately reported it to her doctor. Once again, early detection may have saved
her life.

Bottom line? We had a
fun get-together that was filled with laughter and crude jokes (and just a
little fondling of that booby cake).
After all, who doesn’t enjoy an opportunity to laugh and be merry with her
girlfriends? And Dyanne is seriously
going to get a great pair of new and improved boobies. But, in the midst of all those margaritas and
wine bottles, we all know that breast cancer is still scary. And it is important (and somewhat sobering) to
remember that we are currently reaping the benefits of years of research that
has been devoted to the detection and treatment of this disease. While there is still no sure way to prevent
breast cancer, early detection is the best chance we women have of
surviving. So, in honor of my friends
and all the other women who are battling this disease, remain vigilant in your
habits. Perform those monthly self-exams
(all year long, not just in October).
Have your annual mammogram. Ask
your doctor questions about anything you don’t understand or find
suspicious. Don’t be afraid of the bad
guys: be willing to face them head
on. It’s probably your best defense and
could quite possibly save your life.

Oh, and one last thing:
if you need to unwind, call me and I’ll be happy to make you a squirrel
margarita. Without tail only,
though. The ones with tails require a
professional bartender.

4 comments:

Laughter really is the best medicine and so often, a person's attitude impacts their outcome. It sounds like Dyanne has the right attitude and a great group of friends, so I think she is going to do really well.

P.S. Breast cancer stinks, just stinks. I lost my Gramma to it and three of my friends are survivors. How crazy is that that I have three friends who have battled this?! You are totally right about the advancements that have been made and continue to be made though.

Sharla, you are so right about a person's attitude affecting their outcome! Dyanne has a wonderful attitude about pretty much everything in life, and her strong spirit continues to inspire me. I am hoping for the best for both of my dear friends.

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I write the blog, "Since You Asked...." It's a blog about life, and how we can make the world around us a better place. And sometimes I throw in some anecdotes about my family because, hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, who CAN you laugh at?