John W. James

Where were you when I needed you?

The saddest question we ever hear is, "Where were you when I needed you?"

That's what people ask when they find out what we do in helping grievers. We're presenting helpful and accurate information on this site, at the time you need it most, with the hope that you'll never need to ask that question.

It's an honor and a sad privilege to be addressing you, knowing that each of you has recently experienced the death of someone important to you. We also know some of you are reading this because of your care and concern for someone who is confronted by the death of someone important in their life.

We bring our personal experience in dealing with the deaths of people who were important to us, and our professional know-how in helping grievers for more than 30 years. We'll help you distinguish between the "raw grief" that is your normal and natural reaction to the death, and the equally normal "unresolved grief" that relates to the unfinished emotions that are part of the physical ending of all relationships.

A basic reality for most grieving people is difficulty concentrating or focusing. With that in mind, we asked Tributes.com to print our articles in a large type font to make them easier to read. Sharing our concern for grieving people, they agreed.

Ask The Grief Experts

Families and Legal Mayhem (Published 3/14/2011)

Q:

My mother, who passed away earlier this year, was an extremely private person and wished to keep her financial information from the extended family, establishing a Trust ten years ago. Due to difficulties with changes in the law, I am now finding cockroaches creeping from the woodwork, so to speak, and I'm having added stress dealing with not only with her passing, but also with those people. I feel violated and I'm experiencing physical symptoms. Please help.

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Sam,

Sadly, your lament is all too common.

The stories we hear about what families sometimes do to each other, give new meaning to the definition of “enemies.” And the legal and government issues we hear about compound the grief people feel, and distract them from their most important feelings about the person who died.

That said, there is no simple answer to this kind of situation, and of course, we can’t and don’t give legal advice.

We do suggest that you do as much as you can to deal with the emotions you have in relationship with your mom who died.

The best way to do that is to get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook [available in most libraries and book stores]. Read it and take the actions it suggests which will help you discover and complete what was left emotionally unfinished in your relationship with your mother.

As you do that, you will have more freedom to deal with the troubling ancillary mayhem and feeling of violation from the “others.”

At Tributes.com we believe that Every Life has a Story that deserves to be told and preserved.

Tributes.com is the online source for current local and national obituary news and a supportive community where friends and family can come together during times of loss and grieving to honor the memories of their loved ones with lasting personal tributes.