About Feelings stored deep beneath the heart – A blog by Tejasvita Singh

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I just finished with the book ” Into the thin air”. I was willing to read some good stuff on mountaineering and mountains for a long time. While selecting this book, I did not pay much attention to the reviews and ratings, somehow the title of the book hit the chords.

Certainly, high altitude climbing is much more about the struggle of human survival against the diminishing oxygen. Every materialistic desire at the pinnacle seems futile. I wonder about this amazing feeling which is attained after bearing all the physical and mental breakage and sometimes even risking lives. It is appalling to read that towards the summit of Mt. Everest, climbers find the scattered human bodies, which will continue to mark their presence till the death of the universe. Perhaps there is no second chance to rectify the mistakes at a height of more than 28000 ft. It feels terrifying to continue with a journey that might ends up with some known fate. One starts a journey with twelve , and ends up with four ; but still the zest for conquering the summit is alive and the ascent continues. I guess this fearless attitude is only vital to mark the beginning of the ascent. But being fearless is not the only tool; there are some of the most brutal prices which one must pay to claim the presence on the highest point of Earth. Sometimes mountaineers make the toughest decision of leaving the living bodies alone on those heights, the bodies which are trapped under snow and just marking the presence of few signs of life. At such situations, it become necessary to negotiate the quantity of human lives which could be saved at the risk of just one. It seems cruel to leave someone to get killed just because at the cost of one, many other lives could be saved! But it is heart wrenching to imagine someone in that brutal and helpless situation. I guess these are all the prices which need to be paid to conquer the zenith because nothing comes without price. Watching our own body parts getting paralyzed and unresponsive are something which cannot be explained in writings but these are the emotional struggles for which these warriors are also well prepared.

“I conquered Everest not through my feet but through my brain” – I heard this from one of the best mountaineers in the history and it is so true. It is not only the struggle against physical potential but more about the struggle against mental strength. While reading this book, I cannot figure out the thin line between obsession and passion, for the mountains. I guess that such line doesn’t exist at those heights. It just vanishes .

It is so inspiring to know about the mountaineers who claim the highest summits on the Earth. I believe it teaches everything, right from the leadership and team building skills to never – say – die attitude.

“Running is nothing more than a series of arguments between the part of your brain that wants to stop and the part that wants to keep going” .

I read it somewhere and instantly I discovered my motivation for participating in 21 Km Marathon. Certainly for ‘not so regular runner’, like me it is definitely a challenge to complete 21 km track in a decent time. I had always ran 10 km and it had never been the question of ” DO or Die” for me but completing 21 km marathon seemed to me somewhere the same. I really wanted to challenge my own potential but on that particular note. Honestly I had the feeling that I am all eagerly ready to bear that physical pain which I face after completing 10 Km. And this time in more than double doses and might be worse than that. But I was sure that I was unnecessarily getting apprehensive about it because being an avid trekker I never faced such occasions much (Do or Die one). So with complete self-motivation I ran on final day. Since I had the practice for 10 km so half of the distance didn’t cost me much. But after that the same mental blockage started building up. “Oh my God! , you have to run the same distance again , with this high-speed breath and perfectly tired feet “ . And this mental blockage was creating the perfect scene for giving up. But I was not at all ready to leave it incomplete anywhere. I gathered all my thoughts to those memories in the mountains and hills where I trek around tirelessly in the rough terrain for 4-5 hours or sometimes even longer than that. I kept myself isolated from my own negative visuals and continued running.Of course I was tired after sometime but never thought of giving up . I completed my track of 21 km in perfectly decent time and decent shape.

So, I can never deny from the well explained and well-intended meaning of these beautiful lines but definitely a powerful one.- “Running is nothing more than a series of arguments between the part of your brain that wants to stop and the part that wants to keep going” .

Life is a treasure of beautiful opportunities and blessings if we really seek to create one. And in the long run, these blessings add to some unforgettable memories in the chapters of our life.

Our World is beautiful and humanity is the greatest contribution, in an effort to save this beauty. I believe, volunteering injected this belief in me, in a far stronger way than I have always tried to apprehend this.

When I decided to volunteer for Lighthouse project (non-profit initiative) , I was sure that this will add to new learnings and experiences in my life. But in actual when I really onboarded the journey, it was more than just an experience.

At the training session of the program, we all volunteers were provided with an envelope containing the details of our mentees. With a sense of responsibility, I joined this program. But, the moment I removed the form from the envelope, bright face of a very young girl in the passport size photo met my eyes. All of a sudden, the value and sensitivity of my commitment banged my head. A feeling that, this innocent face and kind smile needed all my sincere efforts. Later on, I came to know about her background and the background of other students as well. And certainly, moments like this, make me more humble and thankful towards almighty, instead of being a difficult child for him. Living in my own space has never been a big deal for me, this is something that I always took for granted. But this is a privilege to the uncountable population in our country. It is well said that the hardships and struggles of life carve strong character out of a human. The urge to come out of the darkness becomes so strong that it pushes to reach the heights which are a dream to many of us. Well, this was only day-1 but filled me with lots of inspiration and compassion.

One week later came the day 2 – Somewhere; it was in my head that it would be fun since it was an ice breaking session. And seriously, I believe that we (me and my mentee) melted all the gap between us and major contribution goes to the little girl who never let me feel that I was a new member in her world. The sweet and kind smile was an indication of warm reception which made me comfortable to start our conversation. As instructed, we were supposed to know about each other. I briefed her about me and then she started about herself. Well, forget about the hardships of her life, this is the thing which I knew very well before meeting her and evaluating her on the account of her hardships; I don’t think that child needs all these things to identify her. Well, I told her about my profession and asked about her aspirations. Very energetically she declared “Didi, I want to be an archaeologist and a filmmaker”. Seriously, I was not prepared for this reply; we are so much used to the preconceived notion that anything out of the box surprises us; at least for me, it was quite an amazement. And very true to her aspiration, she was fond of history and arts. I really appreciate that a 13-year-old kid was able to neatly distinguish her likes and dislikes.Once done with a formal introduction, special activities were designed by lighthouse team to enforce the trust and warmth between the mentor and mentee pair. And that was real fun and I overjoyed the moment of sharing a very little part of my life with her. Life is long and, in comparison, the time which I am contributing to her is almost nothing. But these few hours were full of real laughter and fun that will remain with me forever.

I am anxiously looking for rest of the journey, and these blissful moments are going to leave some irreplaceable impressions in my life, which will continue to challenge me with its innocence.

My Child, life is different for different people. Life is not same for everyone. Maybe what is hell for you, is the urge for someone. See, you are so physically well, some people just urge for their hand to work well or legs to work well, to make few comfortable steps. Imagine the pain of such people. Definitely , more than yours!

Yess… I know. But still , why I have to wait for the left over toys, that when they will be thrown off and I will get the chance to play. It hurts me mom.

You are fortunate dear that almighty is giving you the chance to ask something from him. When you will ask anything from him , he will guide you and then you will connect to him.

So??

This connection keeps you close to your heart, dear. There is nothing more valuable than establishing the connection with yourself.

Will this connection solve the miseries of our life?

Off course not, it will not do any miracle . But it will give you the immense strength to overcome the challenges of your life and that will determine the strength of your character.Feel privileged that god has given you the opportunity to polish yourself in your own way. You know sometimes this urge becomes so strong that it will extract the best out of you, if taken in a positive path.

The little kid was not left with any more arguments to defend his point . He slowly walked out of the cottage with his books.

He was trying to reconnect and reconcile whatever his mother just said, when his eyes moved to those lines at the book in his hand “The Lotus flower blooms most beautifully from the deepest and thickets mud ” .

Finally he comprehend what his mother just said and went back to her with satisfaction.

“Only a Child sees things with perfect clarity because it has not developed all those filters which prevent us from seeing things that we don’t expect to see.”- Douglas Adams
Live like children! Childhood is the most innocent form of human phase in this life. I wish that innocence remains with us forever. I think this is the only phase when we live our life like “LIFE”. No regrets of past and no worries about future. Whatever is there, that is just in hand which is ‘PRESENT’.

They will laugh like anything almost uncontrollably when happy and cry at the drop of a hat, no matter what others think. Whereas, we are more worried about other’s perception rather than our own emotions. Sometimes we don’t even realize that what tickles them so much that they laugh hysterically. We lose this madness to enjoy the moments, once we start stepping out of our childhood. Whatever we strive to be in our lives; but this innocence should not diminish because the pure happiness of life lies in this innocence and celebration of emotions.
I also feel if we could have learned to have faith and trust upon others like children do. Once they believe us, they will surrender completely; laying their tiny body against us. They remain clinging to us till the last possible way, unaware and not bothered about themselves. Whom so ever they trust, they do completely; giggle like anything when we throw them high up in the air while playing because they believe that nothing going to happen to them. We would again hold them in our hand. This is the trust of the little heart which we forget to bestow upon someone; somewhere in the process of growing up.
Children have the most honest and purest form of perception about anything or anybody. They will list out all positives and negatives regardless of whom they are speaking about. We term this ‘fearlessness’ as their ‘innocence’. We ourselves develop this fear as we gain so called ‘wisdom’. This is the fear of status, society, money, fame and countless of things which eventually develops its root crushing the truthfulness of childhood.
Surviving in the world with childlike innocence is tough, the world around us has to be impeccable enough to understand and honor this trait. But until then, laugh like a child, cry like a child, dance like a child, fight tirelessly like a child and be a free soul like a child.

“There is no friend as loyal as a book” – Ernest Hemingway.
Recently on my birthday, I was gifted with books and it feels special and privileged when people find you worthy of this. I don’t clearly remember when I developed the habit of reading but I seriously enjoy the world of books and find myself blessed that god gifted me with this trait. I personally believe that once we enter into the beautiful world of stories either fiction or non-fiction and get attached to it, then we are living in a different world. It’s the world which author has created and it’s not easy to come out of it until or unless we find the next one in our hand. We feel the happiness and pain in words of the writer. We create those faces in our own imagination and reading seems like travelling with them in their world. It is well said that “A Reader lives a thousand lives before he dies.”
I just wish the magic of books and spirit of reading remain alive in me forever that will always keep the zest for life unbeatable.

Every image has a story to tell. I picked this book few days back and was completely taken by the cover image. “Woman behind the veil “- beautiful face with powerful determination in those speaking eyes. I wasn’t aware of the plot of this novel so I picked this one just by looking at the cover image. And I must say every single vibe revealed through the image does complete justification to the story and journey of the protagonist in the novel

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The hardship, struggle, pain and emotional turbulence suffered by a mother ” For the love of a Son”. When I read the complete novel then I realized that nothing can be perfect than this image to depict the boundless emotions and suffering of a mother, for the quest of her child stolen by his own father.

A strong headed young afghan woman who never bent down before the unacceptable circumstances developed in the soil of the land where she is born, made to suffer the unimaginable physical and mental torture by her own husband. The only hope of survival, her baby is also snatched by her husband. A mother’s quest for her stolen child and hatred for the beast of her life is completely justified by that powerful note of determination expressed through the image. I don’t know how far I have succeeded to depict the emotion and struggle of the warrior woman through my sketch, but it is necessary for me to do. Because I really can’t hold myself to do this once I read through the breathtaking struggle and survival hardship of a woman who is truly inspirational.

It’s really inspiring the way she lives her life on her own terms and conditions in an independent manner. But the challenges which life unfolded before her, sometimes scares me. It’s not possible for any ordinary soul to face the unbearable circumstances which life developed before her. A woman as a wife can handle and accept the rejection and abuse by her husband, but it’s the toughest pain for a mother to face the abuse and rejection by her child. For more than twenty years she suffers the pain to know about the well-being and whereabouts of her stolen baby and when the young boy finally appeared before her, one can never imagine the ground of hatred, negativity, revenge and filthiness cultivated in the innocent mind by the father for his mother. For the love of son she again suffers every torment by her own son to every possible extent that can be bear upon, but finally releases him to go on his own path rather than making him a part of her existing world, for the sake of it.

Extraordinary courage of the woman to face every extraordinary challenge of her life makes her confident, fearless and tough. But no mother’s heart is such strong to bear the extreme hatred and rejection by her own child. Maybe the pain can be overlooked from the beautiful face but it is impossible to overlook the wounded soul. We will ask for similar strength and courage from almighty, but there is also another truth that ” we will never want her story to be ours…”, rightly said by the author. Because if we will succeed to face it, it will nearly be impossible to prevent ourselves from the injuries which will remain forever till the last breath.

One of the best read that justifies and dignifies the Unconditional Love of Mother towards her Child.

“We all live with a lot of apprehensions about ourselves. Yes, we do!”

Recently, I got an opportunity to mentor a child through Green Batti project, initiated by Social Quotient. I was pretty impressed with myself regarding my decision.

A general interaction / ice breaking session was organized for us before actually moving deep into the program. I was on time at the mentioned venue, waiting for my mentee. I was completely prepared and confident to use all my skills to guide and mentor a child. And finally she came, a 13 year old girl child currently studying in standard IXth. With a cheerful and confident face, she took the seat beside me, on the bench where I was sitting. At that moment I realized it was not her but I, who was a bit hesitant to start the conversation. Her smiling and confident face however, broke the self generated perceptions of mine and I initiated the conversation. We both introduced ourselves to each other. I admit that if she wouldn’t had been so much happy and excited about our interaction, I would have to double my efforts to develop the bonding between us. I told her about my profession and the other activities that keep me occupied. Very proudly, I announced that I am also involved in teaching. But in the next second that innocent child said, “Didi, I also teach children, spoken English. Two aunties from my neighbor also come to get taught by me.” I was speechless in that moment, perhaps amazed and was looking straight at her. Finding my attention she continued, “ Six to eight in the evening I teach children,then after my prayers. I like to help my mother to prepare the dinner for all of us. My sisters also teach students from our locality.” I was quiet. Although I was well aware of the socio-economic background of the kids enrolled under the project, I was totally grasped by the narration of that little girl. I asked her what did her father do. She told me about her father’s profession. And at that moment, I felt lucky and fortunate to be the part of her life for a small duration in my life, I still feel the same. Being a mentor, I have to try my best to reach upto what has been expected out of me, and be an inspiration and a guide in her life, one who can push her to identify her strengths and can ensure that she makes all possible steps towards the limitless sky. But for now, unknowingly though, she has helped me to identify the myself better and understand my possibilities. My work to infuse inspiration in her is yet to began, but certainly, she has inspired me.

Before leaving, she tied a hand-made band on my wrist, a gesture embarking a new bond.

“Didi, Few days back Raksha Bandhan was there, I made some bands for my brothers. Then why not for a sister? This one is for you.”

Nothing else to say……I just wish and hope that I succeed to preserve the promises of the newly formed bonding.