Monday, 3 October 2016

THE EXCRUCIATING AGONY OF A CHRISTIAN CLOSET

As the dust settles on the Anglican Church in Southern Africa’s most
recent synod, our Archbishop Thabo Makgoba is being quoted globally regarding
the pain he is experiencing from a decision not to
allow our clergy to bless same sex marriages.

Archbishop Thabo Makgoba

Please note that I speak of a simple blessing, not marriage, yet 16 of 22
bishops voted against this. Archbishop Thabo speaks of a double edged sword.

Allow me to introduce a third edge...As I write this, my own pain centres around an aspect seldom
acknowledged - those gay Christians who actually believe their gender
“leanings”, “temptations”, “preferences” are an abomination to be resisted. To
the extent that they pray and fast their way out of their natural sexual identity
in order to be saved. This, as a CNN journalist said about Aleppo, “It is what
Hell is really like and then it got worse.”

Aleppo

Marrying for Jesus

These 'good' gay Christians all too often go to the extent marrying
someone of the opposite sex.

Yes, many manage to be relatively happy, they love their spouses, their
children, the holiness of family. But the need to suppress their sexual drive
looms larger as the years pass. Inevitably their denial of self takes its toll
on the relationship and mostly on the person committed to Christ and
the Church. Some soldier on. Others don’t resist temptation and are caught.
Others, in their maturity have stopped reading the Bible literally and decide
to do the honourable thing by confessing to their spouses.

It seldom works

Having counselled several of these committed Christians, all men
admittedly, I am appalled at the excruciating pain this can cause everyone
from the family to the secret gay partner.

They were Anglicans, Methodists and Lutherans and, where love, mutual
respect and concern for the children were dominant elements of the marriage, I witnessed
some remarkable solutions. A generosity of soul not always found in our pews.

Other situations, involving righteous judgment and literal Scriptural
interpretations, have left an unholy trail of devastation – fathers unjustly
accused of pedophilia and banned from interaction with their beloved children. Off spring whose minds were poisoned and whose emotional wellbeing was mortally wounded. Vocations had to be abandoned.

I'm not gay

Let’s be clear: I’m not a Lesbian, trans or bi sexual. My children
aren’t gay and I don’t’ have LGBTI siblings to campaign for. I wasn’t a gay
activist before re-joining the Anglican Church 35 years after my Confirmation.
I didn’t need to be one because nobody in my secular social circle was bothered
with judging our gay friends or condemning them to hell. We were all too busy getting
on with life.I had no concept of the
hell too many Christian gays go through.

Called to priesthood at the turkey-necked age of 51, I was far more
concerned with political activism. Desmond Tutu was an important role model and
the main reason I asked to be trained in Soweto. Truth be told, I had visions
of becoming the Mother Theresa of the townships. What arrogance and what
ignorance of God’s sense of humour. I was too old to suit the Church’s pension
fund so self-supporting ministry was my only option. In other words, I had to
keep earning a living as a PR consultant.

Archbishop Emeritus Njongonkulu Ndungane

It’s how I became Archbishop
Njongonkulu’s international media liaison consultant and how I jumped into the
deep end of one of his signature ministries – HIV/AIDS.

It's NOT...

All this at a time when the disease was increasingly identified as punishment for
homosexuality. That stigma became the incubator for millions of
deaths. I thank God for ++Jongo who insisted on a communication campaign that
would “shout from the roof tops that AIDS is an illness like any other, and not a punishment from God.”

A frightening number of Anglicans ignored the message.

The third edge

Inevitably my personal ministry veered into that arena. Our national
Health Department was refusing to provide antiretrovirals. I was clocking up
funeral services at an alarming rate and working with passionate activists,
several of whom were Anglican priests and gay.Some were infected others weren’t, all suffered the pain of being open
about their sexuality in a Christian environment.

I had stepped into the realm of the "third edge”.

More broad minded?

But I was not your typical Anglican priest: I hadn’t attended church for 35
years; I was battling to curb a vocabulary learned in a news room (still am); I
was a divorcee who had had two long term live-in relationships; and, I loved to
party.Perhaps it is because my gay
associates felt I would be more understanding that they began recommending me
to married gay men seeking counselling.

What a learning curve for me. I encountered an awful aspect of
Christian cruelty, good intentions gone awry and responses that caused
excruciating pain to EVERYONEin the affected family and
even their extended families.

Can you begin to imagine the pain of being rejected by a Church that is
part of your DNA?

And don’t for one millisecond think you can crack it with “Love the
sinner, hate the sin.”It is that very
approach that gnaws at family and friends who fill our pews and share
Communion. We hurt them by judging their loved ones and relegating them to hellfire.

How we must hurt the Tutus

Leah and Desmond Tutu

Revd Mpho von Furth Tutu and her wife, Marceline

I worry about the hurt Desmond and Leah Tutu must
feel because since her marriage their daughter Revd Mpho is not licensed in Southern Africa. Yes, she could return to the USA and minister there but her parents
are in their twilight years and the Desmond and Leah Tutu Foundation needs her
management.

Time to revolt?

I never bothered to become a marriage officer and I applauded priests
who refused to act as marriage officers when mixed race marriages were banned.
I now applaud those who either ignore the ‘gay’ rules or are heeding the call
to hand in their licences.

Too many of my brother and sister priests have gone through 30 years of
the Anglican Church saying “soon there will be a breakthrough.”Too many have battled the Church’s trade-off:
“be celibate and you can be licensed to be a priest”.

If social demographics apply, some 10% of our priests are gay. Maybe
more because it makes so much sense for God to call natural nurturers into our
vocation.

Older and wiser

I do, however, take comfort from the fact that age invariably
brings a more mature interpretation of Scripture and greater confidence in the
findings of modern science as well as confidence in God’s abiding love.

As Rabbi Dr Jay Michaelson Ph.D. writes in Behold I make all things New, “God versus Gay isn’t just a false
dichotomy.It’s a rebellion against the
image of God itself.”

Rabbi Dr Jay Michaelson

Allow me to share more of the rabbi’s quotes:

“As a rabbi and long-time LGBT activist, I’ve counselled many Orthodox
young people who are terrified of having to choose between happiness and their
religious way of life.Families have
been torn apart by this issue and as long as the false choice between God and
gay persists, our brothers, sisters, cousins, and friends will continue to
struggle. They will torment themselves and be excluded from their families and
communities.”

“Before I came out, I was certain that being openly gay would spell the
end of my religious life.I was an
Orthodox-practicing Jew which gave meaning and shape to my life.I repressed my sexuality, acting out
occasionally but regretting it afterwards.I tried, for years, to change.Eventually, after 10 years in the closet I had had enough. The pain,
isolation, loneliness, and shame had grown so great that I was ready to forsake
my religion for the sake of my happiness.”

“Coming out was the doorway to greater religious faith and joy than I
had ever imagined.My relationship with
God and my religious community grew stronger. My spiritual path began to unfold;
my prayer life began to awaken. My love for other human beings slowly unfurled
and expanded.”

“Imagine believing that because of something you cannot change God hates
you.”

“Whose fault is it that 40% of gay teenagers consider suicide – four
times as many as straight kids?Ours, of
course.”

"It's not African"

I know that a
number of the bishops at the synod hailed from countries far more conservative
than South Africa, where same sex marriages are legal, but I quote a Nigerian, The Revd. Rowland ‘Jide’ Macaulay LLB, MTh, “Historically, Africa has always been
the friendliest and most tolerant continent. Homosexuality and same-gender
behaviours date back to before colonialism and the intervention of religion.
The arrival of colonialism contributed to the mass hatred and also the
influence of religious
fundamentalism. It
contributed to the debased argument for homophobia. Yet
Christianity teaches and encourages Love
thy neighbour as thyself.”

I am busy working on
a manuscript that examines how faiths
based on rebirth and karma -Buddhism, Jainism, Sikhism, and Hinduism – affirm
the dignity of queer identities and sexualities. In it Devdutt Pattanaik, author of more than 30 best-selling
books and lecturer on the relevance of mythology in modern times, says “the
well-meaning doctrine of ‘all religions are the same in essence’ has led to the
assumption that all religions are intolerant of all things LGBTIQ.”

He adds, “When faiths affirm the dignity of the queer, they empower them
psychologically, politically, and economically.”

That third edge

In all this let us not lose sight of the third
edge of the sword the Anglican Church continues to wield. I have watched young
priests grow old while waiting to be affirmed. One of the saddest stories I was
told was how, many years ago, seminarians were told that a bishop was refusing
to ordain single priests. The young man,
fighting his gay sexuality, proposed marriage to a woman who knew about his
personal battle, but also believed they would conquer all through prayer and
faithfulness to the Church.

As it turned out,
in order to have sex, and for her to conceive, he would have to read porn and
then pounce on her as he was about to climax. Of course the marriage didn't last.