Tears Left UnSaid.......

I sit here looking at the computer screen, doing the same things
I always do, when I go onto the computer. I check my grades for
school, go on all three of my emails and write stories, poems and
songs on a writing website. The same routine I do everytime I am
in the shool library, for study hall. Today was different and I
don't know how to really explain it though.
I was sitting there checking one of my emails, seeing most of the
stuff was from facebook. I sat there reading all my best friend
facebook status and a good half of them was about how happy she
was with her "boyfriend." I wanted to stop reading them because I
was really getting sick of her, talking about him 24/7. I didn't
stop reading them and when I kept reading the rest, they became
depressing and about how her "boyfriend" broke up with her
because of one stupid little thing. Reading that, it made me
remember that I called her last night to talk to her and see how
she was doing and everything. Her voice sounding stiff and weak
when she told me she didn't want to talk, right there and then I
knew she was crying. I asked her why and she just told me, that
he broke up with her, next thing I knew she hung up on me.
I shook my head back and fourth, still staring at the screen of
the computer. I was actually kind of happy that he broke up with
her because he wasn't the kind of guy for her. Yet at the
sametime she still hasn't realized that he wasn't the one
protecting her, he was just hurting her even more. My innocent
best friend becoming something horrifying, something that you
thought that was impossible to happen to your best friend. I felt
like I didn't protect her well enough, that I let my gaurd done
and let the evil take over her. She was drinking, smoking, having
sex, and ingoring me more then ever before. Yet it didn't stop me
from reading the rest of facebook status she posted, the rest
just wanted me to yell out in frustration because all I was
reading was about how her other friends have been there for her.
Have talked to her on the phone and given her great and excellent
adivce, was there to give her a hug and say everything will be
perfectly fine. I was angered of what she was saying, yet sad at
the same time. It felt like I was no more to her, like I was
nothing but an old memory from the past.
So much things has changed since moving so far away from her, so
much things that she barely lets me into her life. I sat there
with out realizing the tears that ran down my cheecks, the tears
I held in for so long. I didn't notice I was crying, I didn't
notice that I was actually alone. I didn't want to think that I
lost such a great friend, that I am becoming more alone then
ever. I wanted everything back to normal, I wanted to have the
friends I loved so much to come back. Who would have thought that
you could lose someone so close to the most horrifying things,
take away the things you love. I shed more tears, then I thought
I could shed in just 45 minutes and yet nobody notice. I sat
alone in a library, by myself and feeling like I didn't belong
here. The pain inside my chest built up and yet never decreased,
from realizing I was alone.......I am like a broken record having
the same old things happening to me, having the same routines and
telling of the same old stories.
Moving down here to a new town, thinking that I would actually
start out new and become a better person. Yet nothing has
changed, yet nobody realizes that I am there and always be
forgotton. How can a person keep living, when they feel like they
have been down graded from life and has nothing to live for. But
still I keep walking on nomatter what has happened.
This I call tears left unsaid, tears that are never forgotton and
never will be speak of again..........The tears left unsaid will
always be hidden behind a mask of lies.................