Thursday, November 22, 2007

I don't need peace. I need a fucking llama.

I get trolled in person! Trolls do not look like you think they look!

Went over to my house last night to do some chores I left without finishing (surprisingly un-fraught); as I pulled up, a pretty blond hippie type stopped her bike in front of my flowers. I stood a few feet away as she broke off one of my blue salvias. I watched as she put it in her backet, not real pleased that she was determinedly ignoring me. When she broke off a large branch, I said, in a regular, bemused tone, "I am RIGHT HERE. You could ask before you take my flowers." And she said...

...

...

"You are so angry. Why do you have such anger in you?"

I like to think that I have some small wit, and am good with the quick ripostes, but I just stood there with my mouth open. I could not believe I got trolled in person, and that by magic, she hit on the troll formula I like least in the world. Why do I have such anger in me? Because you're breaking my plants, you twit, while you ignore me AND then you turn the faux-hippie sanctimony on me. I like to be the wielder of hippie sanctimony.

She took my flowers, and then my lunch money, and then violated me real quick before she pedaled away. The last thing she said was "Your flowers are so beautiful. I hope you find peace."

26 Comments:

swissarmyd said...

perhaps someday she'll figure it out... in the meanwhile, I'm sorry to hear it. I hope you have a happy thanksgiving anyway... my kids are at the moment watching my DVD of the Grinch who stole Christmas [The Original One]. Is it enough that sometimes even the grinchiest figure out their transformation?

Too late now, but it would have been funny to stand there for a minute and then run full tilt at her shouting "Aaaaaaggggghhhhhhh" at the top of your voice. Like the Tom and Jerry cartoon housewife character, as if to splat her with the fish slice.

That is so perfect. You were hoist by your own petard, and your comment policy ("My comment policy is affirmative kindness towards all. Not just neutral, respectful and friendly. You'll get some slack if you're funny. Please, no compliments to me.") went out the window.

I think you are an amazing person, but I just can't stop laughing at how well ambushed you were by somebody else's hippie sanctimony!

You shoot someone. They scream at you and you say 'so why are you so angry?'

It's a classic passive-aggressive tactic. Women use it a lot in relationships (needle the male partner until they lose their rag then 'don't get angry with me or why are you so angry?'). The male version of same is more complex (but even more common in relationships) and is typically composed of doing something which is really thoughtless or irritating and then 'why are you getting so upset?'.

Basically the form is:

- commit an act that is threatening, a violation of the other person's personal space or integrity, or basically inexcusable

- let the other person express anger

- accuse the other person of being an angry person and behaving inappropriately (perfect mirroring: you do something aggressive, then blame them for being aggressive)

This is common because of the 'psychologisation' of society, the rise and rise of psychology in public discourse. We all know pop psychology, and we use it as a defence mechanism: we accuse the other person of having X unsavoury motive or personality defect, rather than dealing directly with what is reasonable and with the cause-effect that we have precipitated.

I would have thumped her (no, not really) -- but then I'm an angry person ;-).

"Yes, I take medication and anger-management classes, but still, I can't seem to stop punching people!" and then I would have punched her. And then I would have said, "I'm so sorry, but you see, it's something I'm working through right now. I just have to be ok with myself the way I am, right?" and then jabbed her again. "One love."

And Dubin's response was simply perfect. I'm taking notes, and deconstructing it, just so I can be funnier next time.

Anonymous@12:56

Megan said to her "I am RIGHT HERE. You could ask before you take my flowers." which implies that there was nothing wrong with the taking or the breaking, just with the lack of permission first. But since hippies don't believe in property, Megan has already surrendered all of the rhetorical ground to this other woman.

I think what bothers her is not the loss of the branch, but having been pwned so expertly, which is precisely why this story is so funny and why Dubin's response is so perfect.

I like Dubin's idea best. But in real life: Repeat whatever they say as a question. "You think I'm angry?" Stand, stare intently, and wait for confirmation/explanation for as long as it takes. If they don't respond, you win. if they do respond, they are taking the defensive and you win.

(And if they are in your law school class, they will cover their loss of face with long, involved public tales about what a bitchy slut you are, but they will never look you in the eye again, so you still win).