Guys Uncensored: What He Thinks When He Sees You…

Men aren't always great at dealing with emotions. So when you're expressing yours, some odd things race through his head.

"What did I do wrong?" This is his immediate panic even when he knows logically he hasn't done anything wrong. Here's an example of how ingrained that panic is: The two of you look on in horror as the dog you had ever since you were a kid gets run over by a city bus. He then notices that you have started crying. Even though it's so totally, ridiculously obvious why, there will be a sickening fraction of a second when he automatically starts mentally sifting through all of his recent misdeeds trying to figure out which one it was that started the waterworks. Why, you ask? One, because he's probably been at least indirectly responsible for a fair amount of the previous crying he's seen you do, so it's kind of a habit. Two, because even though he may not let on, the sight of you crying is so heartbreaking for him that it often short-circuits his brain.

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...Laughing

There is nothing better for a guy than pleasing you in bed — but making you laugh is kind of like giving you a sexless orgasm. For starters, it simply makes him happy knowing that you're happy, even if you're laughing at him. But making you laugh is also an amazing ego stroke. Men take a lot of pride in their senses of humor (pretty much every guy would describe himself as hilariously funny. Yes, even Tiger Woods). While any dude could do enough sit-ups to get a six-pack, he knows that it's his unique sense of humor that gets you chuckling — and that makes him feel great. Of course, it's also why he might be more threatened by a goofball friend who cracks you up all the time than he does by a guy who's super good looking.

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...Yelling

Unless you're yelling "Help!", "Fire!", or "My water just broke!" his first thought is to remain calm and stay the hell out of it. Oh, he'll make sure you're okay, but there's actually an inverse relationship to how loud you're yelling and how calm he is; the more passionate your shouting, the more Zen he becomes. If you're angry at him, he's thinking about how there's a 99.9 percent chance that you will not only win the argument, but destroy him in the process — so unless he's just as mad, he'll do whatever he can to calm you down. If you're angry with someone or something else, on the other hand, his protective instincts kick in. And in that situation, rather than escalate everything by joining in with your wrath, his instinct is to diffuse it. Plus, that way he won't be put in the awkward position of having to help you fight off the skank you're looking to beat down.

...Pouting

No matter why you look troubled — whether it's something sort of bad like you had a fight with your mom, something slightly worse like you didn't get a job you'd been hoping for, or something truly terrible like the latest issue of Cosmo was sold out at the store — he immediately starts thinking about how to identify your problem and help you solve it. This, of course, is not necessarily what he should be thinking about, since you may just want to be in a bad mood and have him listen to why it is you're in a bad mood. And he'll be baffled that his efforts are only making it worse. When it comes to you, honestly, he sometimes doesn't know what the hell to think.