Temper Tantrums

We've been having a desperate time of late with our oldest who just turned 4. He's becoming increasingly angry and frustrated and throws temper tantrums almost constantly.

I was online and found this link and almost cried because this was exactly the same situation we found ourselves in just a week ago.

I tried to follow the advice but hugging didn't work and just like the mother in the article, I also ended up buying the toy my son was screaming after. Does anyone have any advice they could offer here at ConductDisorders? Anything that can help with temper tantrums?

I am sorry you are going through this. It is a burden nobody can understand unless they have lived it themselves.

Children's behavior is reinforced by our response. By buying him the toy, you rewarded your son for his tantrum. In the future, enduring his tantrum and not giving him what he wants - at least not in mid-tantrum and not until he has served whatever consequence you set for his behavior, such as a time out - might be a better solution.

If your son's tantrums are beyond what you feel is normal for his age .... perhaps consult his pediatrician and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. It is hard for us to tell, on an Internet forum, exactly what might be going on with your son.

Do the opposite - ignore him when he is being naughty, DON'T buy him anything.

When he is being good, THEN hug him, pay attention to him, and buy him things.

And all adults in the house have to adopt the same strict rules. DON'T GIVE IN! Everybody be consistent.

It will take all of you adults "ganging up" against him to make this work. Amazing the will power and manipulative power of a small kid! But if you are all on the same band wagon, the kid will settle down and suddenly be a good content kid. They want "boundaries" and will test you to see what those boundaries are.

Also something funny, kids will want to hang around with adults who treat them this way. Funny that you are strict and feel like you are being "mean", but they want and like "structure"!