It’s not the Rosetta Stone… You’re not going to glean any more insight into the man pretending you’re some Talmudic scholar divining ancient wisdom from the Dead Sea Scrolls. You’d learn more about the world studying Charles Manson’s poetry.

Trump’s twitter feed isn’t a collection of knowledge. It’s the alphabetical equivalent of vomirreah – That’s what they call it when you mix vomit AND diarrhea.Trump’s tweets aren’t the ideas of a man thoughtfully considering complicated ideas and composing them to make America great. They’re not overt messages to his enemies or dog whistles to his base. Just reading them makes you 36% stupider. That is an absolute scientific fact.

Trump is just saying whatever he thinks you want to hear at that very moment his tiny little fingers are typing away. If he typed any given tweet 20 seconds later, it would be the opposite, something else entirely, or the launch codes for a nuclear war with North Korea. Trump says whatever is expedient, regardless of what he said previously. That’s why it’s so easy to find tweets and clips where he’s also said the exact opposite of what he just tweeted. He admits he said “grab em by the pussy” and apologizes. Then, the tells aides and senators the “Access Hollywood” video is a hoax.

He concedes Obama is an American. Then decides again he’s a Muslim born in Kenya.

One day he’s for a woman’s right to choose. The next, women who have abortions should be punished.

Hillary was a great secretary of state. And, he’s going to lock her up.

So, we have to ask ourselves why? What’s going on? This is not normal. Here’s the options:

He is suffering from some mental disorder that impairs his cognitive abilities but not enough for those around him to speak up.

He’s a genius cleverly pretending to be an idiot… in order to take away poor people’s health care and give rich people tax breaks.

He’s a guy who’s shocked he won the election and in the years prior to it, did A LOT of bad shit – shady business deals, borrowed money from Russian mobsters, watched as prostitutes peed on the same bed the Obamas once slept in… and he wasn’t expecting to ever be called on it… Except he won the election. Only, now he’s the President and as Mueller, The FBI and the media investigate his past, he needs to distract us with stories that are juicier than money laundering.

He owes the Russians billions of dollars, they have video of him getting peed on by prostitutes and if that got revealed, he’d have to wait on line at the Trump tower cafeteria to get the world’s best Taco Bowl and he can’t do that, so he must be Russia’s puppet in order to pay back the billions he owes, keep his kids out of jail and keep the piss video off youtube.

That’s it. Those are the four options. And yet, every day, people are shocked, shocked I say, by Trump’s new low.

Only here’s the thing. Many of us THINK he’s a Russian puppet and it sure seems like he is… But we only THINK it.. We have to wait for more from the Mueller investigation. However, one thing I can now say with certainty is this, whether he’s a Russian puppet or not.

Donald Trump is THIS chimp.

When Trump tweets or speaks, he’s just making noise. Yes, he uses words in a row that sometimes lead you to believe they mean one thing or the other, but they do not. He’s A well trained chimp. But, a chimp none the less.

Trump’s words are not tethered to anything tangible. They’re not based in reality. Or rooted in any core beliefs. He has no formulated view of the world. No moral compass. His lungs take in air, his blood circulates oxygen, and he’s just making noise. And instead of clapping cymbals… he tweets.

Sure, if you watched this clapping monkey for hours it would periodically clap out some coded message of dots and dashes…But that’s only because of our own innate desire to find meaning among the clapping, grunting and bells.

Thanks to a fluke in DNA sequencing Trump has opposable thumbs and can type. Had it gone the other way, one allele paired differently, he’d be wearing a fez, working with an organ grinder for nickels in front of a Turkish whore house.

So — I leave you with this fable… The one about the frog and the scorpion.

They meet at a river’s edge and the scorpion, who can’t swim, asks the frog to carry him across on his back. The frog asks: “But, how do I know you won’t sting me?” and the Scorpion says: “’Cause if I do sting you, I’ll die, too.”

So, the frog agrees to carry him across the river.

The Scorpion gets on the frog’s back and the frog swims about half way across the river when he feels the sharp sting of the scorpion…

…and as the poison takes effect, the frog’s limbs begin to go limp and they start to sink, both of them are going to drown.

But, before the frog takes its last gasp of breath, he chokes out a question: “Why?”