Relationship violence (domestic violence)

If you are in a relationship with someone who is being abusive towards you, this is not healthy and you may need help to stay safe. Not all abuse is physical. It can also be emotional, verbal, social, sexual, neglect and financial exploitation.

Many people have experienced abuse. You do not need to be ashamed of what someone else does. Violence aimed at you is not your fault and you do not have to cover it up for someone else. Your safety and happiness are most important. You have the right to feel safe and to not live in fear.

The website Reachout has many good topics about relationship violence. Reachout is an Australian website for young people when times get tough. http://au.reachout.com/

Violence or abuse is when someone uses power or control or anger to make someone else feel hurt, scared or humiliated. Abuse, violence or control can happen in different ways:

Physical abusePhysical acts that hurt or scare you are abuse, whether or not they cause injury that you can see. Harming or threatening to hurt someone is a criminal offence.

Emotional or verbal abuseIf someone is threatening you, or constantly putting you down, it is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse.

Sexual abuseSexual abuse might be forcing you to have sex, demanding or tricking you into doing sexual things, having sex with you while you are asleep or unconscious or while you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol and unaware of what is going on. Any form of rape or sexual assault is a criminal offence.

Social abuseUsing your social life to control you or make you feel bad about yourself is social abuse. You might not be allowed to do anything alone, choose your own friends, see your family or friends or go out. You may be wrongfully accused of having sex with other people or be put down in public. Social abuse is a form of control.

Financial abuseMoney can be used as a way of getting power over someone. This means making you dependent for money, forcing you to beg or do other things for money, keeping control of all money matters, stopping you from getting a job, gambling or selling your things without your permission.

SpiritualYour partner might use religion, faith or cult beliefs as a form of control or to hurt you. You might be prevented from keeping your own faith, forced to participate in beliefs or ceremonies you don't want to or feel scared or hurt by the use of certain beliefs. This can be a very powerful form of control and make you do things you don't want to do.

Honeymoon - Things seem calm again and may even seem better than they have been for a long time. Your partner might deny that it happened, how serious it was or that he or she had any control. You might think your partner has changed for the better.

The cycle begins again. This might happen over a few days or within just a few minutes.

Tell people – family or friends, the police, your employer or school counsellor.

Surround yourself with people you feel safe with.

Write it down, so if your partner hurts you again you have the history. You can also have things documented by the police without having to take any action.

Safety planIf you are living with a violent partner and you want to leave, have a safety plan worked out. Think about:

Putting some money away, packing some clothes, or organising somewhere you can stay. Think about bank accounts, credit cards, marriage or birth certificates and passports. Crisis and domestic violence services can help you.

Cutting the ways your partner can get in contact with you, such as phone numbers, email addresses or through social media.

Making arrangements for children or pets if you are scared for their safety.

How you will end the relationship. If your partner is violent it might be best to do it over the phone or when other people are around.

Getting legal advice. You can take out a restraining order or charge for any criminal offences.