Healing Part One

by Catherine

I fear life not death, never leaving my safe and secure nest.
I stayed insulated from possibilities.
For me dead is final unto God
living was daring to be me,
Using my ability to think,
Afraid to go into the unknown.
Diaganosed agoraphobia at twenty one
talented, sophisticated and attractive too,
Diagnosed agoraphobia at twenty one alone,
For years you left me alone.
Endless, physical examinations, probling.
Not just my mind,
Doctors experiencing with what self respect I had left.
Causing early demise.
At the age of thirty I had been to hell,
praising God I had never spend a night in jail.
Experienced of chest pains as it attacks my heart
After ten years you returned and tore it apart
Blood pressure and pulse running wild
Every non invasive test reveal a strong an healthy heart
yet to make myself believe that you have returned
The prophets stated that I am your wife
I have yet to make myself believe that you have returned
Among the cold cruelty of the world, only to deliver to me
this.
Death sting, brought on with unclean knifes,
After I turned thirty-eight
you visited once more
I became alive,
had I died then,
What a wonderful last mintue
but I didn't die,
so when
you embraced me
I started to laugh and cry.
because you made me recognize how
beautiful life could be
It was here that I knew that my love for you would
last throughout eternity.