"I think I have decided to go back to smoking"

"I think I have decided to go back to smoking"

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Mar 4 02 5:01 PM

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I wrote the following letter to a member who had quit for 18 days and wrote a post saying he was probably going back to smoking that particular evening.
This was my reply to him. I don't know if this member is off smoking or if he is even still a member. But the reply applies to everyone here who ever
thinks they consciously really want to go back to smoking.

You are at a point that all of our members are at who are nicotine free for at least three days. You are free to choose now. You can choose to smoke
nothing--you can also choose to smoke full-fledged again until it cripples then kills you. If your choice is to relapse and go back to smoking again you know
what to do. Tonight will be as good as any time. Although, as long as your goal is to smoke until it kills you, why fret the rest of the afternoon, now is as
good as time as to relapse as any.

So again--as long as your goal is to smoke till it kills you--you know what to do. As long as you know you will be smoking tonight, today would be a good
time to do some estate planning too. Get your will, living will, durable power of attorney, organ donation papers signed in case there are any organs worth
harvesting after smoking takes it tolls throughout your body, and maybe call your insurance agent and see about getting some disability insurance. Just in
case cigarettes don't cause a sudden death scenario, you want to make sure to have money available in the event of a long disabling illness. Cigarettes
can cause plenty of them.

One of the most common ways cigarettes accomplish this goal is to destroy your lungs and breathing ability. Who knows for sure there will be enough money
to take care of your needs when you can no longer breath on your own. In fact, if money gets too tight and you can't work, affording cigarettes will be a
real problem then. So insurance shopping will be a good way to spend the afternoon now. By the way, you will have to state that you are going for the
insurance because you are planning on becoming a long-term smoker. Insurance companies need to know this so they can adjust your premiums accordingly. If you
were to mislead them and say you are a non-smoker, when the disease strikes and you expect payments--you may be in for a terrible shock to find out that you
will not collect for signing up under false pretenses.

Another good thought for today is maybe prepay for a plot and funeral arrangements now. You can save a bundle. Most of us don't like to think about
such things but it sounds like you are planning for a life and death decision tonight so why not make a number of them.

So again--as long as your goal is to start your slow motion suicide into action, you know what to do. If by any chance you were not really considering
going back to smoking till it cripples and kills you--you may want to have some contingency plans set up for tonight too. Maybe take the money that is going
to be earmarked to smoking for the next month, which may be hundreds of dollars and go out and have a really good time treating yourself to things that wont
kill you. You will be able to do a lot more of this as long as you always remember to never take another puff!

I didn't know that that's what I was embarking on in 1965 when I hid in the woods and sneaked cigarettes. And I didn't know, when I finally
became a full fledged addict in or around 1972 that I would become involved in the MOST horrible self destructive habit. I didn't know that cigarette
smoke would begin to shield me from emotional growth and pain and would slowly be the reason that my lungs became sick and diseased. I use to be so active.
Now I'm afraid I have a chronic lung problem. We call it asthma but I know what I did. I apologize to my poor body.

Now. The madness has stopped. I can look in the mirror and see a happier person but I can't go back to 1972.

If you can get through one day, you can get through the rest of your life. One minute at a time. Feeling alot better physically and spiritually.

Thanks Joel. Maybe we'll help somebody See the Light and Feel Freedom.

I fear complacency, I fear the nagging thought of 'just one.' My rational brain knows that the 'just one' will not be that. My rational brain
even knows that the just one will not be the one with the 'ahhhhhh' feeling. It also knows that that 'just one' just may be the one to
jumpstart a major illness.

This thread does ensure that reality flies directly into one's face in an unavoidable manner .... I fear the strength of addictive substances (or the
weakness of the addicted?) which causes one to say, "yes, but" or "so?"

Oh well, as I said, I felt driven to respond. Thanks for the opportunity to prioritize my fears.

One year, two months, three weeks, two days, 16 hours, 7 minutes and 48 seconds. 8058 cigarettes not smoked.

For anyone fixating on "a cigarette." Smoking "a cigarette" or just
taking a drag is tantamount to relapsing to an addiction to thousands of cigarettes a year, tens of thousands of cigarettes over a decade and hundreds of
thousands of cigarettes over a shortened lifetime. It also translates into ruined health and a quality impaired life. It means smelling like a cigarette, and
facing chronic withdrawals. Remember cigarettes for what they were and what they were going to do to you over time and you will never question your desire to
never take another puff!

You're at a critical point in your quit--There's a post in here somewhere that talks about "I'm going to go ahead and smoke one and just get
it over with". I couldn't find that thread, but this one is quit applicable, also.

Withdrawal does not last forever--if it did, none of us would ever quit. Remember, if you relapse now your choices are to smoke for the rest of your life or
go through withdrawal again. Do you really want to do either?

Just quit for today.

Dave

I have chosen not to smoke for 1 Month 3 Weeks 6 Days 10 Hours 57 Minutes 19 Seconds. Somewhere there are 2010 extra cigarettes.

Mike, please read this! There is no telling if any of us would ever come this far again. The science and studies behind how nicotine damages
the human mind is just now beginning to filter out. They know so little but what they have learned is alarming. Relapse is one of only two choices but I hope
you'll look at a few of the recent issues that have been raised -

Many ex-smokers forget the problems they had while smoking and also the initial difficulty they encountered during the quitting process. Without
remembering these two stages, the resolve to maintain smoking abstinence is often weakened.

There are two emotions shared by most people who currently smoke or have a past history of cigarette smoking. There is a side that wishes to smoke
occasionally and a side that never wants to smoke again. The smoker is in a constant battle between these two factions. The ex-smoker only occasionally
considers the luxury of taking one puff.

By forgetting the medical and psychological dangers associated with cigarette use, you may inadvertently strengthen the side which wishes to take
one puff. This often results in more frequent urges of much greater intensity and duration. By remembering the real detrimental effects of smoking,
your resolve remains strong. Keep a clear perspective of what it is like to be a smoker and an ex-smoker.

Never fixate on how nice one puff would be. You no longer have one puff as an option. Cigarette smoking is now an all or nothing proposition.
Consider what smoking at your old level again will be like--the medical dangers, the social stigma, the staggering expenses. You are not depriving
yourself of one good cigarette, rather you are doing yourself a great favor by no longer consuming one, two or even more packs per day. By coming to
the clinic you were making a conscious choice not to smoke. It was a good choice. Stick with it. NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF! Joel

Thanks for this thread, Joel. I've been having a lot of urges lately, even dreaming! I didn't dream when I was early on - my daughter did.
Reading this has helped put me back on track - sometimes that junkie brat inside needs to be put in her place.

I was at a local cemetery today talking to the manager about promoting my next clinic to his employees. It is free for people who live in the suburb where
the cemetery is located. I thought he may want to take the approach that as management he would rather have his employees as his workers rather than as his
customers. Anyway, it made me think of this letter, because part of the discussion we were having was centered around people who make prepaid funeral
arrangements.

I really enjoyed this one! I hadn't been reading as much after turning green (mainly because I suddenly got very busy, but also because it didn't feel
as dire) and I'm really glad I happened upon this 'letter' of Joel's now. It has reminded me of a number of important points. One: to be
careful of becoming lacksadasical .

Another:

How much I appreciate this truthful sense of 'humor'. The very blunt presentation of facts on this site REALLY WORKS for me (and obviously so many
others too).

Maybe it seems inappropriate in some way, but to laugh about how very intense it is to be addicted has worked wonders for me. This is NOT (in any shape or
form) to say that I am not serious about my quit (as I am) just that your sense of irony, Joel, has been very beneficial to me in my sometimes dark twists of
thinking.

Wow, that was great! I can really relate to sarcasm. I will memorize this one, and give it out when I am a STRONG non-smoker! Thanks.

Lynn - Free and Healing for Sixteen Days, 10 Hours and 36 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 13 Hours, by avoiding the use of 740
nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $185.10.