Dress Code

Being seen as people, not objects.

Dress codes are all over the news these days – from the raising of necklines in a Utah high school yearbook to middle school in, of all places, Berkeley, California.

Dress codes get everyone up in arms for two main reasons (I personally think that just for the financial benefit alone parents should embrace school uniforms but that’s a separate point).

One is the drive for individuality, the ability to express one’s uniqueness through what we wear. This rallying cry is the one most frequently adopted by adolescents in a bid for independence. The irony is that our teenagers, who are rebelling against a dress code in the name of non-conformity, end up adopting the most conforming dress code of all – it’s just not the one the school wants. But it’s certainly no coincidence (and no expression of individuality) that they all sport tattoos or tongue piercings or special earrings to make the hole bigger or Goth or grunge or whatever the latest look is. That argument is pretty weak and we’d prefer to teach our children to individuate through their character and their actions rather than through their heavy black eyeliner.

The more profound issue of the dress code goes deeper into this sense of self. Do we want our teens (and our kids of all ages) to dress in a way that reflects their inner qualities or their external ones? That expresses an internalized sense of dignity and appreciation for the Almighty’s creation or that is more superficial and in some way lacking in self-respect? Okay, I’ve stacked the deck! Despite the soundness of my argument, a stroll through the halls of most public high schools suggests that the emotional battle has been lost.

And perhaps these new dress codes, while seemingly arbitrary or confusing, are trying to recapture those “quaint” values. We want our children, boys and girls, to have a deeper sense of self than that reflected by the message on their T-shirts. We want them to appreciate what the famous rabbi, the Alter of Slabodka, called the “gadlus hadam,” the greatness of the human being, our vast potential to grow and accomplish and bring good into the world. And this vision is affected by our sense of self which is in turn affected by what we wear.

In the recent NY Times piece, “The Battles Over Dress Codes” (6/14/2014), Peggy Orenstein quotes a Twitter hash tag, “don’t tell us what to wear; teach the boys not to stare.” I felt like I had stepped back in time. While she goes on to wrestle in a more thoughtful way with the issue, that sentiment floored me I was in back in college many years ago where that was the initial feminist perspective. But upon more sober reflection and with the help of Jewish studies, it was replaced by the more grounded and realistic recognition that we, men and women, are in this together.

Yes, the boys (men) shouldn’t look (my husband tells his students that “The first look is instinctive; the second is a choice.”) but we girls (women) also have a choice; we can make it easier on them. And it’s not just for their sake; it’s primarily for ours.

So we can be seen as people and not objects. So we can be recognized for who we are and not what we appear to represent with our choice of attire. Isn’t that what everyone wants on the most basic level? Isn’t that we want for our daughters? Isn’t that what we should be teaching them?

Instead of protesting the school policy we should be thanking them for doing our job for us. And for saving us from spending money on those tiny pieces of material that some manufacturer has the chutzpah to call clothing…

About the Author

Emuna Braverman has a law degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters in in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University. She lives with her husband and nine children in Los Angeles where they both work for Aish HaTorah. When she isn''t writing for the Internet or taking care of her family, Emuna teaches classes on Judaism, organizes gourmet kosher cooking groups and hosts many Shabbos guests. She is the cofounder of www.gourmetkoshercooking.com.

Visitor Comments: 12

(8)
Yehudiy,
June 25, 2014 9:00 AM

A great story....

About the girl who was agonising over what to wear to a very important interview with the partner in a law firm. Her best friend pulls out a sexy, slinky black number and her friend says "are you completely mad?! I want them to take me seriously, not my legs!!"
So the friend answers " and this is the dress you wear on dates to meet your future husband...."

(7)
Rachel,
June 24, 2014 9:33 PM

Dress codes can also treat people like objects

Over the years, people have made some laughable assumptions about me as an Orthodox woman that have everything to do with their stereotypes and nothing to do with me, the individual. In NYC's "Diamond District", someone asked me if I could recommend a good jeweler (my family has no one in the jewelry business.) Outside a shul, I was asked if I were the rebbetzin (my husband is Orthodox for me; if he'd married someone else he'd have remained happily Reform). And people have made all sorts of comments in my presence about Israel (which I support), Arabs & Muslims (whom I take as individuals, not as monolithic anti-Semitic multitudes), feminism (I am one, and I think feminism should respect the right of women to wear as little or as much as they please), and the Democratic Party (I filled out my party registration the day I turned 18 and can count on my fingers the number of times I've voted for a non-Democrat in the past 35 years.) So don't judge any book by its cover. Btw, men should dress (and behave) modestly as well.

Nancy,
June 25, 2014 10:17 AM

Rachel--I loved reading your comments. You are brilliant and articulate.

(6)
miriamwcohen,
June 24, 2014 4:06 PM

interesting,

Emunah, Ilike your articles, but I am not sure that women need to be covered up completely, look at the moslem women who are covered from head to toe, and the violence against them continues and they are treated like objects that are owned. Modesty is important, for both MEN and women. Respect for others is one of the clues about this, not necessarily the uniforms, which work for a while, but not really. Men still stare, Jewish religious men need to be taught at their Yeshivas, just like the other men outside the world, to respect women.

Rebecca K.,
June 26, 2014 6:08 AM

What makes you think men in yeshiva aren't taught to respect women?

Emuna isn't talking about covering up completely in a burka. She doesn't wear a burka, nor does any woman who follows halacha. She's talking about no decollatage, no thighs, and no upper-arms showing, and no tight clothing (like bandage skirts). Nor does she say men shouldn't dress modestly. Most Orthodox men dress modestly -- I haven't seen many walking around shirtless on hot days or in short-shorts. And since when are men in yeshiva not taught to respect women? My experience is that they treat me as respectfully or more respectfully than men from "the outside world," as you put it.

(5)
JB Destiny,
June 24, 2014 3:41 PM

Everything in moderation

Dress codes can be taken too far, as well. I know of one Bais Yaakov that kept an eye out for anything not specifically stated in the dress code, and would swoop in to prevent it. So when the girls started wearing those rubber bracelets - BOOM!! The principal sent home a note that they are not allowed- in or out of school. Hoop earrings? BANNED! Socks with tone-on-tone pattern? BANNED! Uniforms shouldn't be turned into an obsession or contest to see who can have the least-differentiated student body.

Don't misunderstand; I am definitely in favor of dress codes or uniforms for both sexes. And there is something dissonant at best and disingenuous at worst about wearing attention-grabbing clothing then demanding no one pay attention to it. "I love how this shirt shows off my chest! - How dare you stare at my chest, just because I'm wearing this shirt!" Really?

(4)
Jaya,
June 24, 2014 3:13 PM

Dress code

School uniform is an excellent idea , it removes the focus from clothing to the academic concerns . Dressing in a modest way certainly brings out more of the individual,s character and intrinsic values rather than make the person an object .this article says what I have always felt but had not articulated so succinctly even to myself .thank you.

(3)
Anonymous,
June 24, 2014 2:04 PM

It is more than just not staring...

Yes... we DO have to teach boys (and men) not to stare andYES... we DO want women to understand the concepts of tzniyut NOT to "make it easier on boys" but in terms of their OWN self definition.HOWEVER....that does not mean that Uniforms are a "good thing"..First of all, Uniforms can take the challenge out of shopping.. Is that good? Don't you think that people should learn WHILE THEY ARE IN SCHOOL how to properly shop rather than later in life? Don't you think that people should learn NOW how to deal with NOT being able to "keep up with the Joneses" NOW rather than later in life?Finally, don't we want to teach people when they are young that you should try to understand and value a person NOT based upon how he or she dresses? There might be some "good" in wearing uniforms.... but ... it might also NOT always be so good.....

Anonymous,
June 24, 2014 8:44 PM

Uniforms can take the challenge out of shopping.

Why should shopping be a challenge?People with poor self image wear the weird or trendy clothes to make up for personality defects.

Yehudis,
June 26, 2014 12:42 AM

We don't live in uniform

Your argument has a point but don't forget that us, uniform wearers, don't live in uniform. There are the weekends, parties, summer and after school hours that definitely require us to acquire clothes for and attempt to "keep up with the Joneses".

Just sayin'

(2)
Nancy,
June 23, 2014 10:25 AM

With all of the violence against women and children that exists in this world, we really need to teach the boys not to stare. Guess what? A boy can stare at a girl even if she is dressed in the most tzniut manner possible. Along with not staring, we need to teach the boys to speak respectfully to women and girls. Violence against women occurs REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE WOMAN IS WEARING. Please stop blaming women and girls for this crime and start putting pressure on the males, where it belongs.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

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