Gazza: Rehab And Back.

Because he wanted to kick his addictions to booze, coke, steroids and other bad shit on February 5th Paul Gascoinge’s mates defied all common logic and sent him to rehab in America.

According to reports the addiction centre in Arizona has bought Paul’s bullshit story about him wanting to quit his celebrity rehabber ways so, just like all the other clinics that went before, they’ve released him.

So with 34 days down and [insert your guess here] to go, let’s see how Paul is doing.

Paul was photographed yesterday as he returned to his home near Bournmouth. They say for next few weeks he’ll be monitored by his local addiction centre. That’s it, he’ll be a day patient.

Here’s what people are saying:

Someone told the Sun:

‘He looked fine and was completely unfazed when people took pictures. He looked very skinny but was calm and seemed well.’

Another told the Mail on Sunday:

‘He’s unrecognisable from the man who went into the clinic.’

And here’s one that I made up:

‘Gazza says he never wants to be so drunk that he cannot sit down in a chair.’

Yes, people need to get drunk in the privacy of their own homes, because as far as I know, if the rubber plant in the corner of the room gives you a funny look, you can’t get shuffled off to rehab for drunkenly yelling at it.

So let this be a lesson to all NMi ers. Don’t ever get boozed up in a bar because when alcohol hits your veins it’ll turn you into a loud mess and your night will be ruined when you get arrested, sectioned or rehabbed. I think.