Thursday, February 22, 2007

Snapshots Of Hell: The Cambridge Round-Up, Weeks 2, 3, 4 and 5: Of Phallic Snowmen, The Cambridge Footlights, and Her Majesty's Secret Cervix

Okay, so I've been a lazy bum (and this surprises you? Hello? Have you READ me before? Unless of course you're new to this blog, in which case, you'll learn... --Ed) and not updated the Cambridge Round-up for a few weeks now, but hey, so little happens here anyway that the local newspapers have resorted to the American FOX News-like tactics to hype and sensationalise to sell copies. So I've decided, to save everyone's time, to distill 4 weeks' worth of happenings in Cambridge to a nice little edition where you only get the most newsworthy happenings. (And if two out of those three happenings involve me, well, that's a complete coincidence. Really. --Ed)

You Think He's Compensating For Something?I'm ashamed that Dr Crippen found this before I did. A couple of weeks ago it snowed in Cambridge, and people went as wonky as can be expected for a city in which so many people are under so much stress (for a full report on the madness that ensued, look here --Ed) but apparently I missed the most newsworthy piece of madness of all, which got highlighted in last week's edition of Dr Crippen's BritMeds. Some student, for reasons best not speculated on here, decided to erect (snigger --Ed) a statue of a rather rude bit of anatomy in the middle of Parker's Piece, and got hauled to the station for it. Take a look at the article here and see how he went nuts (giggle --Ed). Literally.

For years, famous comedians have walked through its doors and jumpstarted careers that led them to international fame and fortune. Star-studded names adorn its alumni list. Hugh Laurie (Dr House). John Cleese. Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat). Douglas Adams (author of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). Emma Thompson. Jimmy Carr.

And now, ME.

*thunderous applause*

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, yours truly has finally joined the ranks of Footlights comedians, as of last Tuesday, when I took to the stage in a Smoker, a selection of short sketches performed fortnightly at the ADC Theatre in Cambridge. It marks the realisation of a dream for me, as I've always wanted to go up on stage under the Footlights banner.

Of course, afterwards I had to face a very angry Director of Studies, my Senior Tutor, and two pissed-off supervisors, all of whom insisted I stop prancing about on stage and concentrate on my studies, but who cares? When I'm begging on the streets in future, at least I can say I was a Footlights comedian. What do you think about 'Will Make You Laugh For Food' as a beggars' sign, huh?

On Her Majesty's Secret CervixCringe-worthy title, isn't it? But get up off the floor and out of your fetal positions, because it's actually a very witty title. Firstly it illustrates the newsworthy fact that Her Majesty WAS in fact in Cambridge, to open the new cancer wing at Addenbrookes Hospital. This grand occasion, for us normal medical students, was marked by having to wait 30 minutes in a hot, very crowded and increasingly noisy lecture theatre until it became apparent that our lecturer (who was none other than the great Professor Andrew Wyllie, discoverer of cell apoptosis) was not going to turn up. (Because, of course, being a Great and Famous Lecturer, he was off to meet the Queen. --Ed)

And now the smarty-pants-ness of the title becomes apparent, because On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix (a parody of the James Bond film title On Her Majesty's Secret Service)was the title of the Cambridge Medics Revue a few years ago. The Medics Revue is a sketch show written and performed by Cambridge medics every year, and yours truly is in this year's show, wittily titled Happy Fetus. This year it's on from March 7th to 10th, and is guaranteed to make people laugh, make my supervisor's blood pressure shoot through the roof, and make my grades fall like the life expectancy of a patient going into cardiac arrest.

But hey, at least it's vaguely academic (and by that I mean it's got the word 'Medics' in the title --Ed). So that's not so bad, right? Right?

Anonymous: Whoa, you've been lectured by Andrew Wyllie? We did get him in the end, just one less lecture. He doesn't seem brilliant, but you have to agree, he's VERY enthusiastic about what he does, and is entertaining if nothing else...no one ever sleeps in one of his lectures :) plus he always manages to tie everything in with apoptosis. If there was a pictorial definition of the term 'a man obsessed', it would have Andrew Wyllie's grinning face under it.

I totally agree about the lucky discoveries bit though.

Bohemian: I know! Pity I wasn't walking by the area and didn't catch it myself.

You aren't really short of funny happenings in Podunk either, I hear, what with escaping idiot cows and dogs :)

Elle: Aww thanks! I try. Part of it is that I look funny, so people already start giggling when I even walk on stage :P I'm not ditching that anti-rotten-tomato umbrella I carry on stage just yet, though.

Chrysalis Angel: Aww thanks. We did make snow angels too...lemme see if I can dig up a pic of one that can remotely stand up to yours...

Dr Deb Serani: Once again you honour me by stopping by...I feel like leaving a comment on your blog often, but so many people have commented and given such erudite views beyond my simple medstudent mind that I am cowed into lurking. Glad I make you laugh though...even if I did make you cringe first :P

Well done on being accepted at Footlights! I have to admit, I have never actually heard of it, but after reading stuff about it on your blog - well done once again!!

You can't be serious about your Director of Studies, tutor and supervisors being pissed off, can you..?

Can they actually be that invasive and involved in your personal life??

And no, I have no idea who Cal from Grey's Anatomy is!! But I'm slowly catching up!

I've watched two episodes now. I have to say it's a little lame and unbelievable and stupid and inaccurate, but it's got some funny parts. I'll keep watching to see if it picks up, and if it doesn't, it'll go into my 'rejected tv programs' bin along with the OC and other crap.

Mama Jones: Aww thanks! I didn't think all of them up...most of them were thought up by other medics with far too much time and far too dirty minds. I helped though :)

The Quiet Storm: Tsk tsk...and here I thought you were all nice and clean-minded. Then you surprise us all with THAT? Bad girl, bad!

I REALLY don't want to think about Royal PAP Smears, for some strange reason.

Cal: Aww thanks! It's nothing big really, it's just always been a dream of mine. To follow in those huge footsteps, you know?

Unfortunately yes, my future definitely does NOT lie in that direction. My DoS and tutors DO get personal sometimes, and just today I ran out of ammo to beat them back - clinical school application results for the 3rd-years are back, and some of my close friends didn't make it, despite getting 2.1's both years and being active extracurricularly. I'm really scared for my own future now...I'll be in their positions next year.

And hey, I know GA is extremely contrived, but if you can suspend your disbelief, some parts of it are gems. I hope you don't kick it out just yet - it's definitely MUCH better than that OC crap.

Dr Tempest: Whoa, every time you drop by I feel honoured. Thanks so much! I prolly won't make it anywhere near the success of those great names, but hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

(Not if my supervisors/Senior Tutot/Director of Studies can help it though. --Ed)

Dan: I know. Dissident doctors using spam to bring down the GMC? Shocking isn't it.

Merys: Why my dear, if you came all the way to see the Revue, not only will I personally greet you at the door and make your stay in Cambridge a fantastic one, I'll even call you an ambulance when you split your sides laughing :)

If we don't get the message across to the GMC now , then Eastern European Doctors are going to be doomed as well - in addition to those many thousands of African and Asian Doctors who have already suffered such rabid discrimination by the GMC.

If we don't get the message across to the GMC now , then Eastern European Doctors are going to be doomed as well - in addition to those many thousands of African and Asian Doctors who have already suffered such rabid discrimination by the GMC.

About Me

The Angry Medic is an idiot who got into Cambridge University due to his unusually attractive eyelashes. For 6 years he ranted his way through the freakshow and wide-screen madness that is the medical course at Cambridge and Imperial College London, while finding time to express an opinion on medicine, social issues, and anything else he considers pains in the gluteal region. He can now be found being terrorised by patients somewhere near you.

Have you been overly enthralled by the allure of Cambridge and want to give it a crack? Has someone hit you on the head with a large frying pan and now you want to go to medical school? Do you want to join me in a suicidal leap off the Bridge of Sighs? Or have you a rant more boring than mine? Drop me a line at angrymedic [at] gmail [dot] com

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