Shoplifter scans, runs and feels remorse

Dear Amy: Recently I got angry at a balky self-checkout machine and just walked out of a local grocery without paying. I hadn't planned to steal, but that's exactly what I did — to the tune of $111.

When I got home I felt remorse and resolved to return to the store and fess up, but it took me five days to actually do so. After a long deliberation the manager told me to forget it. Frankly, I think he didn't know how to enter my "purchases" into his database.

Also it might have been embarrassing for him to admit to his bosses that his security was so porous.

I don't expect to be in such an awkward position again, but I'm still in a quandary. What should I do with my ill-gotten gains?

I already try to give 10 percent of my income to charity. Should I give an additional $111 to the local food bank?

What would you do in my situation?

— A Troubled Customer

Dear Customer: I would do exactly as you have done — minus the unpleasantness of actually stealing the food. Pitching a fit in the store is probably more my style.

Atone for your actions by thanking the manager for his indulgence, donating to your local food bank (round the amount up to $125), and volunteering to man the Toys for Tots or food bank donation box outside the store this holiday season.

Dear Amy: A friend of ours is the owner and primary cook of a small local cafe. Lately we have noticed a drop in the quality of her fare.

There seem to be fewer customers these days, and we are concerned for our friend and the future of her business, but don't know how to approach her. She is quite proud of her business and cooking and may not react well to helpful criticism.

Can we approach our friend about this and keep her friendship, or should we just let it go and avoid what might become an uncomfortable confrontation?

— Hungry in the Hinterland

Dear Hungry: Your friend knows her business is not going well because her receipts are down.

You can support her efforts by patronizing her cafe and encouraging her to prepare dishes you know are delicious and successful.

Unless she asks for your opinion or you have specialized expertise or assistance to offer, there is no need for you to give it.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the letter from "Soccer Mom," who complained that her daughter's soccer coach's mother was a loud bully at the games.

Years ago my own dear father was behaving badly at my nephew's baseball games — so badly, in fact, that my brother barred him from the games. My dad stayed in the parking lot and watched through the fence! My brother (he's tough too) very firmly told Dad that he could not behave that way, and if he couldn't help it he'd have to watch at a distance.

This is now a classic family story. Our father is actually a sweetie in so many ways, yet can be ferocious when it comes to sports and politics.

As hard as it is to be firm to one's own parent, this particular coach needs to put her foot down with her mother.

Dear Amy: "Anxious" is being pressured to sign a prenuptial agreement. She needs to "own" this process. Both partners should sit down with an attorney specializing in marriage contracts.

Discuss everything: financial backgrounds, spending/saving habits, who pays the bills, who invests the money, how many children, how to raise children and what to do if there are serious disagreements.

They should set a minimum number of counseling sessions.

Anything talked about will only serve to cement an already great relationship and provide the relationship with tools to cope with differences. Communication and trust are key.

My husband and I went through this process. It was scary at times, but we learned a lot about each other, and our marriage has lasted for 30 years and counting.