Friday, 28 September 2012

S*x and infertility

A lot of women comment that infertility takes a toll on their sex life.I can understand that.When sex isn’t a loving, spontaneous act, but
has to be scheduled, after temperature-taking, mucus-monitoring, early-morning
alarms to ensure there is time for the deed to be done, well, any spontaneity
and a lot of the love seems to disappear from it.It becomes a means to an end, a chore. And sometimes,
nothing more.

Once I knew that natural conception was first, unlikely, and
then, pretty much impossible, the pressure was off.Sex quickly became what it was before we
began trying to conceive.A normal,
healthy, loving, fun part of a good relationship.If you’re not at this stage yet, rest assured,
you’ll get there.And you can, and
should make the most of it.

So last week, when I read an article that said after
childbirth, you are faced with six years of bad sex, I’ll admit it ... I
smirked.

I think in many cases sexual problems after IF go beyond the scheduled, "means to and end" sex, etc. There is so much disappointment that comes with infertility, sometimes loss of self-esteem, depression, anxiety, which could also have an effect on weight gain and then more self-esteem issues. Infertility also challenges the ability of couples to communicate. They might not desire a child on the same level, or they might not be on the same level in terms of what procedures to try, to avoid. Not to mention the financial stresses of those doing RT or the adoption process. All this I think can create distance, anger, resentment. It's great if deciding to stop ttc ends all the sexual problems, but often it's not that easy.

Yes, you're absolutely right. Many of the issues you've raised are critical when we are still in the midst of infertility, as opposed to coming out the other end when we (hopefully) start to see some of those issues resolved. I guess my points assumed that other aspects of the relationship are okay, and when they are not, then it can of course be problematic.

I feel the same way. Since I guess I still think statistically there could be a potential for conception from sex, it seems so unlikely after 5 years of trying that it does take the pressure of it. We can do it because we want to, not because we feel like we should. And I definitely just smirked ;)

I lost both my fallopian tubes last year and our sex life instantly improved (well, I after I recovered from the post-op infection), returning in fact to being like the first 2 years of our relationship where sex wasn't about trying to get pregnant. Having still failed in our baby making mission, we don't have a baby to kill our sex life either. Perhaps this is the infertile silver lining.

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About Me

This is my blog on living and loving life without children after infertility. Currently I'm a blogger, a self-employed businessperson, and traveller.

I blog on A Separate Life about my everyday life, but this is a space for thoughts on my No Kidding lifestyle, the good and the bad, remembering what was lost, and celebrating what I have.

My husband and I are the stereotypical couple without children who love to travel. I recently started Instagram where I am (at) travellingMali, and I'm posting photos of various trips (so far mainly our northern trip this year), and the occasional photo of where I live in NZ.

In 2013 I travelled in Europe and the Middle East for five months, and kept a blog at Lemons to Limoncello.

I also had a travelblog some years ago, but stopped posting in 2012, which you can see at Mali's Travelalphablog. I'm intending to start that up again, so watch this space!

In the meantime, I love to hear from readers, and you can email me at: malinzblog at yahoo dot co dot nz