January 21, 2010

10 Men and 1 Woman in a Hotel Room

Sex and relationship expert Emily Grace saw a Love Systems bootcamp on the Dr. Phil Show. She’d heard that Love Systems had changed the lives of thousands of men around the world and wanted to see for herself.

Here – in her own words – is the good, the bad, and the ugly.

“Tenmagnet, one of my future ex-husbands...”

10 men and 1 woman in a hotel room. Sounds like the beginning to a porn... But to my surprise and slight displeasure nothing nearly as sordid went on. I was sitting in on a Love Systems bootcamp. For one weekend paying men would sit through 5 hours of instruction per day and then head out to a bar for field work. The instructors were Keys to the VIP winner Cajun and Tenmagnet, one my future ex-husbands. Shhh... he’s not aware of that yet.

As the men started to trickle in they all appeared normal. There were no hunch backs or Star Trek Klingons. On average they were 20’s-30’s, well dressed and sociable. When we shook hands they had a firm grip and looked me in the eyes. The guys opened up about... what they were looking to get out of the seminar.

Each of their answers was unique. One man had issues with approaching women, another had been in a relationship for his entire adult life, another one was shy and yet another had no problems picking up but was looking to meet a higher quality of women. Typical problems for your typical men.

“I found myself nodding in agreement and wanting to shout out, ‘Yes that’s it – so true!’”

Tenmagnet and Cajun have the ability to instantly make you feel like old friends. There was nothing contemptuous or judgmental about the way they spoke of women. They stated differences between men and women more as facts – not as negative traits to be scoffed at. They realized the differences, pinpointed them and instead of fighting them learned how to deal with them.

They have broken down the basics to female psyche that even I was surprised at. I found myself nodding in agreement and wanting to shout out, “Yes that’s it – so true!” And when Tenmagnet imitated a women’s body language when she bats her eyes at you I nearly broke out in astounded laughter. He had it down – better than even I could do.

It wasn’t about ‘fake confidence’ . . . they gave actual to the point tactics.

I sat with pen poised; there was a ton of information. It wasn’t about “fake confidence until you have it,” and then send you out on your way. There were no rah-rah bums in the air saying just be yourself!! Because for most of us our best is far from good enough. They gave actual to the point tactics on how to approach groups. They taught body language. Such as leaning on a wall or bar is always better than standing. There is more potential to look awkward when you don’t know what to do with your feet or hands.

They teach you how to approach a group. Open with a simple, fun question, “Hey, my buddy and I were talking about this. What do you think about moustaches?” Most of us have opinions on everything and will love the chance to share them. Keep the conversation to your opener short and then move on to something else. If you’re talking to two women segue into, “You guys look like best friends. How do you know each other?”

Then of course there is the difference between male attraction (pretty much an on/off deal) and female attraction (more like a toaster setting), which answered my age-long question of why men can sleep with stupid women.

Women will test you. All the time.

Women will test you. All the time. For the most part - Ignore it. Stick to your guns. You say you love Chinese food and she says she can’t stand it? Don’t suddenly backtrack and say ‘well, I don’t eat it very often.’ It makes you look weak. And like a pack of wolves women will attack the weakest one.

Women want a MAN. Capital letters. Nice guy syndrome? Lose it. Don’t let anyone walk all over you. According to Love Systems, what turns women on are Strength, Loyalty, Courage and Pre-selection. But as Cajun said, “You don’t have to be an asshole to provide it.”

They don’t just teach you how to pick up but how to keep her after.

If you’re interested in someone particular, treat her like you’ve already slept together. It brings back your comfort level and control. It will also make her wonder why you don’t want anything from her. To most women, that can become quite a challenge.

They don’t just teach you how to pick up but how to keep her after. It made me think of those men in my life that I was so insanely attracted to. They weren’t the best looking ones. They were the ones that knew how to tease, play, call me on my s--t, give and then take away. They were the ones that knew the game and made me feel a tiny bit uncertain. The ones that if we broke up would continue on with their fabulous lives.

I don’t want to be the centre of anyone’s world, and with them I wasn’t.

So it all comes down to whether it’s worth it. Personally, I found it fascinating. But it doesn’t come cheap. I guess you have to ask yourself what those social skills are worth to you.

[Hi A.C. This is Savoy and I just edited your brief 2-page letter down to the three paragraphs that lead to a question. You’re welcome.]

One of my friends introduced me to Love Systems and to the book Magic Bullets a couple of years ago, but I got into a relationship and forgot about it. Then last summer a guy moved in near me who was ALWAYS dating hot women and he told me about Love Systems as well.

So, I decided that if so many men were using Love Systems to have better women in their lives I should give it a try as well.

I started with Magic Bullets and the Love Systems Routines Manual and I’m getting better. I am getting phone numbers and dates and had my first one night stand last week. I’ve raised my standards too and am only seeing women who are slim and hot.

My problem is I don’t have the confidence to approach “10”s. They always seem to be with other guys or in big groups. I know my bootcamp (I’m signed up for next February) will solve this but I don’t want to miss out on 10s now!

Thanks,A.C., Providence RI

Hi A.C.,

10s, 10s, 10s... it’s good to have standards. Did you know that men naturally approach the women they feel they “deserve” to get? This is actually part of human biological signalling. Confidently approaching a 10 conveys to her that you think you deserve her.

We’re not going to solve the whole thing in one email and we’re going to stick with “confidence” and “approaching” to keep it simple and focused on your question. Besides, did you know we just did a downloadable audio guide to picking up 10s?

1. Only approach "10"s

This will only work if you take the pressure off of yourself to “succeed” every time you leave the house. If you feel a night is wasted if you come home without women and phone numbers, you’ll be tempted to break this rule and settle for lower quality.

Only allow an exception if you have a specific plan (e.g., you are about to approach a “10” and want to have women around you when you do).

Expect that your results will drop a bit for a month or two as you adjust to “10 Game.” This is temporary and normal.

2. Consider Day Game

During the day, we’re all equal. Hotter women usually go to fancier places, but almost all of us walk, shop, and snack. A “10” at the mall or coffee shop is going to be more approachable than a “10” on Saturday night. That’s one of the reasons Day Game has become so popular.

For Day Game, the guy who is the best in the world – better than me - is called Jeremy Soul.

I should warn you, his Day Game workshops book up well in advance and he takes a lot of time off to enjoy his... um... lifestyle. But, his blog is always entertaining and insightful and if a spot opens up at a Day Game workshop, jump on it.

3. Go where "10"s go at night

Go where there are lots of “10”s – usually upscale clubs, restaurants and events. Women will be subtly competing with each other, which makes it easier than if you’re trying to meet the one “10” who got dragged by her 6 guy friends to a dive bar where she is by far the most attractive woman.

High end clubs are also a slightly different world (just like the high-end women that go to them). If that’s not your usual thing, definitely brush up beforehand so you come off like a confident regular.