It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~Frederick Douglass

Category Archives: Motherly Advice

My dearest I was going to share this video on my blog “Black Women Have It Going On” but the message was too powerful not to share with each of you. This is a young man that is indeed well spoken and well read. My hat is off to him! His enthusiasm about life is truly contagious! And I am delighted for his parents because of their son’s academic achievements. But this is not to say I am not proud of each of you.

I just wanted to send you a note of inspiration and to remind you that I love you.

Enjoy! And I pray you learn something from this outstanding graduation speech.

The girl in the photo is not your bother’s girl-friend. She’s was just a teammate.

Last week a white man created a website searching for conditional love. On his site he listed all these requirements. Hey to each his own! Well any-who-how, the below is what he wrote about the color of women he is and is not seeking:

I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl.

And according to Huffington Post this same guy stated earlier on his site that : ‘I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl. And, I do not believe that Whites & Blacks should mix races sexually and have kids together. I think it’s ok for Whites & Hispanics. But not Blacks. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a woman if I found out she had EVER been sexually active with a Black man.’

Wow! Right! I’m sure you my son’s are wondering why am I writing to each of you about this man. If I raised you correctly I’m hoping each of you are saying to self “Mom who cares.”

Honestly son’s I don’t care about how this man feels about dating black women. I don’t even care about his views on who should and should not procreate. The only thing this man did for my thinking is to make me question as your mom how did I raise my son to feel about dating outside of our black race. And that’s it!

I feel this man is a sad man who was never put on a humane path. It is clear he has never lived in an environment of unconditional love. Therefore, the love he finds will be shallow as his relationship desires. Other words, this poor guy will never find true love, unconditional love, and love that makes a man feel like a man and not some type of lap-dog.

As your mom this is what I want for you: I want you to acknowledge something greater than the minute powers of man controls the Universe. I want you to respect that something by acknowledging you and I call this mighty force God. I want you to be happy. I want you to be men with backbones and not mouse’s with fragile spines. I want you to laugh more than you privately cry. I want you to live financial fruitful lives. I want you to live in the best neighborhoods. I want you to live each day as if it was your last. I want you to vacation often as time and monies permit. I want to you to make better choices for your lives than I did for mines in every stage of life. I want you to marry women of substance. I want you to have children (should you want them). I want you to unconditionally love those children. I want you to be a better parent than I. I want you to age gracefully. But out of all the things I listed that I wish for you, the one thing I want most is for you to be happy.

Therefore, if you seek happiness you will find the perfect mate for you, as you realize color should not be the determining factor for finding unconditional love. As your mom, that is not void of understanding the human want to be intimately loved by another, I can love any woman you choose.

Hugs and kisses,
Mom

P.S. I forgot to write something very important. Please don’t publicly make yourselves look foolish among the social network. I do want people to think I did raise you to have some dignity. –Mom

Nothing was more upsetting than the day I realized I had to cut the umbilical cord and allow another one of my son’s to venture into the world unprepared for life. As your mom that was the saddest day for me! I fought a good fight! But the natural instinct to be a man won over the wisdom of a loving mother that desired successful son’s.

With a downcast heart I’m using this moment to write about a recent conversation I had with one of you. I am sadden from hearing the news that one of my son’s has chosen to become a petal blowing in the wind.

I realize the methodical move of your brother to surface is a cry for help. However, at this time I must sit back and allow his choices, his consequences, and his failures to teach him what I could not.

I have taken him as far as my love, my knowledge, and my life experiences could carry us both as parent to child. Now he must learn what it truly means to be hungry for success if he plans on making something of his life.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ~Philippians 4:8

It has been more than a decade since I took a course titled “Critical Thinking.” Strangely during this time I questioned my ability to reason with sound logic. My soul longed for character building substance that denoted I was a person of excellence; but I was a young woman making foolish decisions. Sadly, I had no one to teach me how to think. Instead I had people telling me what to think.

Their thoughts were not my thoughts. Because of my youth their thoughts only confused me as a young woman and hindered my search for truths that characterized my existence. As a result I had sex too young, got pregnant too young, married too young, divorced too soon, worked dead-end jobs, cultivated and nurtured a destructive disposition as I made myself a sacrificial lamb.

Looking back over my life I realize had I been taught to think for myself I would have made the following choices: I would have moved to Europe. I would have gone to school and pursued my degree in fashion design. I would have worked hard to market my creations. I would have made a name for myself. I would have made a positive mark in the world by pushing the envelope when it came to inspiring women to discover their personal style.

So with that written, I must write had I been taught to think for myself I could have become my prima donna. I could have had less sleepless nights over financial matters had I thought for myself. I could have given each of you better educations had I thought for myself. I could have brought the family home in a more affluent neighborhood had I thought for myself. I could have taken us on mini and big vacations had I thought for myself. I could have done a lot had I thought for myself. Instead, I was isolated from enjoying life because I had been taught my thoughts were not my own!

My personal experience has become a natural maternal instinct to teach you to think for yourselves.

My dear son’s I don’t want you to place prominence on your color nor your gender. But who you are in essence should always be spiritually a badge of honor. Always be aware of your thoughts. Always talk less. Always listen intently. Always notice who is doing what (good or bad). Always notice who makes you feel good about you being you. Always notice who makes you feel bad about you being you. Always notice the person that follows the natural laws of humanity and the laws of man and always notice who breaks these laws. But most importantly always protect you mentally and spiritually. You only get to live a wonderful life once so live it in grand style!

Intimacy means being real, but not always being nice. We live in a world of appropriateness and politeness where we have all culturally agreed not to make each other uncomfortable or press each other’s buttons. This habit of holding-back creates insipid and stagnant relationships. I don’t want you to hide the truth from me when you see me behaving smaller than I really am.. I want your challenge, your insights and above all your ruthless honesty. —Jamie Catto

Yesterday I met a handyman that instantly earned my respect. You could tell he was a hard worker and life choices had not been kind to him. But . . . he was brutally honest when it came to what he wanted sexually from a woman.

He wasn’t a good looking man but he wasn’t an ugly man. His clothes had been stained with various shades of paints and grime from handyman jobs. He was missing teeth and the teeth he had left needed to be cleaned. He didn’t have an offensive body odor nor was he wearing good smelling cologne. He had great conversation which was a sign he was a man of knowledge. But, again, you could tell his life choices had not been kind to him. Yet, stood this man of average height and a small body frame with integrity.

According to Dictionary.com integrity is defined as: Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

“Soundness of moral character” that is what the man displayed. After he was not given an option to save his marriage of 25 years, he became hurt beyond his ability to reconsider marrying someone else. As a result he has decided to stay single. It has been over a year since he had sex. He is not looking for a woman. However, should he stumble upon a woman he is attracted too he only wants exclusive sex without commitment.

I was speechless! I could not believe a man would have the cojones to tell a woman he wants exclusive sex without a committed relationship.

Hummm . . . His words caused me to wonder if most men feel like him but the fear of going without sex keep them from being honest. Oh! Wow! Not only does the handyman have integrity but he has courage. What a man!

As my son’s I would love for people not just women to say about each of you what I just wrote about the handyman, “Oh! Wow! What a man!”

I don’t want your sexual desires to denote you but I want you to define them. I want you to be as honest with women as you would want women to be as honest with you.

Though the love you will receive from a woman can not and should not be compared to the love I have for you as my sons, I don’t want you to act reckless when it comes to discerning the feelings of women. Also I don’t want you to act desperate for love because you are loved. Therefore, you know love first hand. And not only do you know love but you have experienced unconditional love all your lives. So please be cautious when you enter into relationships and remember honesty and intimacy go hand in hand.