Mourning the departed

In
order to understand mourning rituals, you must understand the
conditions of the 19th century; disease, caused by lack of sterile
practices; diets, lack of vitamins and nutrients; medical treatments,
some treatments or remedies were only a step above witchcraft, making
death more prevalent than in the 20th century.

Doctors were not
required to fulfill the education standards and requirements like they
are suppose to today. Medical treatment consisted of blistering,
bleeding and the use of many herbs and plants (which many were indeed
fatal.) Germs were unheard of, sterile conditions were yet to be
discovered and no one had a clue what antibiotics were. Many died from
something as simple as a small cut on the finger. Childbirth also
claimed many lives of women. It wasn't unpopular for a woman to make
arrangements regarding the care of the infant should she not survive.

Many factors played
into the death of children, such as disease, poor nutrition, accidents
and impure water. Couples had large families so that hopefully a few
children would live to adulthood. Typhoid, Malaria, Yellow Fever, Small
Pox, and Whooping cough could wipe out an entire family. other ailments
were the Flu, Pneumonia, TB and infections. Some remedies were rather
bizarre; burning gun powder in sick rooms, sprinkling houses with
vinegar, placing an ax under the bed to stop bleeding, placing a knife
under the pillow to cut pain and intentional blistering to draw out the
disease.

Preventative
medicine was unheard of and treatments such as inoculation for small
pox killed as many patients as it saved.

Americans
were forced to deal with death far more often than we know today. Death
was so prevalent that mourning rituals and customs were refined from
centuries of superstitions and beliefs as a way of showing proper
respect for the deceased. The wearing of black is a custom that has
been used for centuries. it dates back to a time when death was feared
and wearing black was thought to make mourners draw less attention to
themselves so that death would not claim them as its next victim.
Mourning rituals were directly aimed at women, especially widows.

Men often had very
few changes in their outward appearance. They were expected to wear
black or a dark colored suit to a funeral, if possible. The use of the
black armband was a sign of respect, usually worn for a few months or a
yea, their daily routines of running the farm, plantation, or business
didn't change, a widower would be able to remarry after the period of
which he wore the armband. When attending funerals, men wore black or
white silk hat bands, if the deceased was a young girl, then only white
silk would be used.

Mourning pertaining to women was in three stages- heavy/deep
mourning, full mourning, and half mourning. Mourning a spouse generally
would last one to 2 ˝ years:

For a parent: 6 months to a year

For children over 10 yrs old: 6 months to a year

For children under 10 yrs: 3 to 6 months

Infants: 6 weeks and up

For siblings: 6 to 8 months

For aunts and uncles: 3 to 6 months

For cousins: 6 weeks to 3 months

For aunts or uncles related by marriage: 6 weeks to 3 months

Grandparents: 6 months

For more distant relatives and friends: 3 weeks and up

Heavy/Deep mourning lasted the minimum of a year and a day and could
last as long as 2 ˝ years. Black clothing, jewelry, veils, bonnets,
outer wear, and crape characterized it. The use of crape to cover outer
wear and bonnets usually lasted a year and a day, and then could be
removed. Crape, if caught in the rain, would droop, and the color would
run, ruining anything it came in contact with. This limited a widow’s
ability to venture far from home. The fabric used was mostly wool, but
cotton was widely used in the south. The fabric was to have to luster
or shine. Ingredients used to keep the black from fading were such as
ox gall, fuller’s earth, and egg yolks. Heavy mourning collar and cuffs
were black, and by the 2nd year the woman could add lace.
Hats were not to be worn for mourning; bonnets covered in crape would
replace them. The veil was of black crape, and very long, but by the 2nd year it could be shortened. Mourning clothes were expected to be plain with little or no adornment.

Hoods
were commonly made of black or white silk. Underpinnings were the
standard of the day, with the exception that a black band was often
added to the hem of the outermost petticoat in case it was seen.
Jewelry was not used at all for the first few months, but for the
remainder was made of jet. Jet was popularized by Queen Victoria but
was eventually replaced by black glass and India rubber in America.
Most jewelry items used in mourning consisted of rings, broaches,
bracelets, lockets, and earrings. Mourning rings were traditionally
given out to mourners as keepsakes, and were paid for by the deceased’s
family. Jewelry for full mourning consisted of more gold, silver, jet,
pearls and other stones.

Full
mourning collars and cuffs were replaced by white, veils were taken
off, crape was discarded, and jewelry of a wider variety was worn.

Half
mourning included the addition of lilac, lavender, violet, mauve, and
gray. The woman was no longer limited to just black. She would use
black and white ornaments for evening wear, bonnets were white,
lavender silk or straw.

For specific periods of time a widow would not leave her home and did not receive any visitors.After
a respectable time, she would then send out black edged cards advising
friends and family that her time of heavy mourning had passed and she
could now receive visitors. Parties, weddings, and other social affairs
were hands off to those in mourning.

A
widow would often put away her mourning clothes when the mourning
period had ended instead of throwing it to a better use, although
clothing and crape manufacturers created the myth that it was unlucky
to do so.

Southern
women were more likely to save their clothing should it be needed again
and they knew it would be hard to replace it during the war. Often
southern women could not obtain proper mourning clothing, and resorted
to dying existing clothing if possible. Many journal entries describe
the heartbreak of not being able to properly mourn the death of a loved
one. Children, even babies, were put into mourning and would morn the
loss of a parent for 6 months. Babies would often wear robes of white
trimmed in black.

The
worst fear of death was not of death itself, but the fear of not being
mourned properly. Victorians also feared possibly being buried alive.
Periodically, tombs were opened and remains were found near doorways or
on the floor indicating that such fears were indeed grounded. Funerals
were often prolonged to make sure that the deceased was in fact dead.
Widows were often excused from the funeral of their husband, believing
grief would be too much for her to bear. Mourning clothing was kept on
hand by the wealthier women, but was also known to exchange clothing
with friends and neighbors when needed. Mourning pictures were painted
or embroidered in silk, cotton, or wool and served as remembrances.
Many Victorian parlors often contained several memorials to those
deceased.

In
many communities, custom dictated that the church bell toil one time
for each year of the deceased’s life. Businesses often closed for the
respect for the deceased.

Clothing
might have been made and kept in anticipation of a wake or funeral, and
boards were often kept for years to make a coffin when needed.

Proper
burial clothing was highly prized and often kept for years. In early
times, a shroud was the garment of choice for burial, with armholes cut
in the sides, most were made of flannel. They were generally black for
adults, white for children. Later on, people began to be buried in
clothing similar to that which they wore in life.

Embalming
did not come into practice until after the War Between the States.
Fancy metal caskets and vaults are all products of the 20th century.

Sending flowers came about during the 19th
century to cover the smell while the family waited for the photographer
to arrive and photographed the deceased. It was popular for people from
the community to come and sit with the deceased from the time of death
until the time of burial as a sign of respect. The custom of the rider
less horse for the funeral of a soldier dates at least to the 1600s and
was often put to practice during the War Between the States.

Covering
mirrors in the house of the deceased, usually with crape, was done so
that the next to look at the mirror would not be the next to die.
Pregnant women were not allowed to attend funerals, taking the corpse
from the house feet first in the belief that if the face of the
deceased faced backward they might influence another member of the
family to follow them in death, stopping clocks in the house of the
deceased so that they might not choose someone to accompany then to the
grave.

Photography
came of age during the 1860’s and mourning photos were taken to
preserve the image of the deceased. Burial was often held off for days
or weeks waiting for the photographer to arrive. These images were
often painted on clouds to show the picture is of the deceased and
portraits of hair were placed in the parlor along with a wreath of hair
from the deceased.

Widows
would often cover their beds with black sheets, and wasn’t allowed to
marry for at least a year; she shouldn’t marry until the complete decay
of the deceased husband.

During
the War Between the States, death was so wide spread that many women
never came out of mourning until the war was over. When developing a
proper mourning impression and ensemble one must be aware of the dire
circumstances in the south that one was not always able to adhere
strictly to mourning customs as people were able to in the north.

Due
to blockades and shortages of imports, fabrics and articles were hard
to obtain, many women could only mourn in their hearts and not in their
appearance.