Well, sort of. It was my first time at Fort Lauderdale's premier drag-queen cabaret, Lips. Six nights a week, the venue has a variety of theme nights, and on Wednesday nights, it hosts a weekly bingo game so appropriately titled "Bitchy Bingo."

The den of glitz was

pretty packed for a weeknight. The interior of Lips is doused in glamour, Day-Glo chandeliers hang from the ceilings, booths are lined in velvet, hot pink is everywhere, and there is so much glitter. In sum, you could say it's Liberace's dream hangout. The crowd was mostly female, ranging from early 20s to late 40s, with a few couples scattered about. You could tell by the look on the face of a balding man wearing a polo and mandals that his wife dragged him out.

Dripping in glitter with an enormous styrofoam pink wig and an ass that would just not quit -- literally it kept bumping my shoulder throughout the night -- Twat LaRouge's shimmering face greeted our party.

Twat LaRouge and her shimmery ass.

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

"Tonight we have a $5 special on our frozen cosmos. It's eight bottles of

liquor poured into our frozen mix machine, and there is no ice added. So

it's not watered down like some of those cheap places on the beach," she

explained.

Sold.

Drinks in tow, a Nubian queen

in a skin-tight, floor-length velvet gown appeared at our table.

"I'm

Velvet. I'll be your server, your performer, and your shit-talker for

the night."

Pointing at her gold-sequined necklace, "Thought

your name was Barbie?" our friend asked.

"No, honey, that's my

mangina's name," pointing down at her crotch. "And by the end of the night, you'll know all about him."

Next to the stage, the tambourine-slapping DJ played David Bowie, Michael

Jackson, and RuPaul to get the crowd good and ready for what was about

to hit them in the face. The house lights went down and the spotlight

illuminated the four glittery faces of the Amazonian performers onstage. Opening with a rendition of "If you don't see what

you want up here, lay down brother you're dead!" the foursome

worked the crowd like it was their last day to live.

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

Following their saucy number, a blue-haired ball of holographic tulle that stood well over six feet greeted the crowd with sass and attitude. It was our host and queen bitch for the night, Misty Eyez.

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

"The more you drink, the more beautiful you get. I used to think it was the other way around, but c'mon, I'm already fucking gorgeous. So keep drinking, because right now, you're hurting my eyes."

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

The frozen pink drinks were flowing, and the crowd was finally coming out of their shells. Even the bald man was downing cosmos and throwing dollar bills in the air. I'm convinced these queens make more than our local strippers. From Beyoncé to Tina Turner, the girls pulled out all the stops, including gyrating on a newlywed's lap and grinding spread eagle on top of a birthday girl's head.

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

"Honey, by the end of the night you'll be questioning your manhood."

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

Misty Eyez's lamenting about her experience with curry.

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

After a wild round of performing, the girls took a break and got the room set up for Bingo. Misty Eyez and Twat LaRouge took the stage, where they explained the two simple rules of "Bitchy Bingo."

1. When you're close to winning Bingo, don't stand up and shout it out. Instead, make the same sound you would for your lover in the bedroom to let them know you're close.

2. If and when the number O-69 is called out, put your hands in the air like you're on a roller coaster and moan at the top of your lungs.

"What's the difference between the G spot and a golf ball?" "A man will keep looking for the golf ball."

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

Photo by Betsey J. Denberg

Sadly only two rounds of Bingo were played, but it was definitely not your everyday nursing-home edition. The vulgar duo told dirty jokes, sassed each other, and had the crowd begging for more. Winners took home dinner gift certificates, free drinks, and T-shirts. At the end of the night, the stereo blared "We Are Family" as the queens left the building, which was oh so very Birdcage.