Quote of the day: A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. by Erma Bombeck

Frederick Henry, Prince of Orange

Birthday of the day: Frederick Henry, Prince of Orange; Frederick Henry, or Frederik Hendrik in Dutch (29 January 1584 – 14 March 1647), was the sovereign Prince of Orange and stadtholder of Holland, Zeeland, Utrecht, Guelders, and Overijssel from 1625 to 1647.

Joke of the day: A couple is in bed sleeping when there’s a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it’s half past 3 in the morning. ‘I’m not getting out of bed at this time,’ he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there’s a man standing there. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. ‘Hi there,’ slurs the stranger, ‘Can you give me a push?’ ‘No, get lost. It’s half past three and I was in bed,’ says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, ‘That wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?’ ‘But the guy was drunk,’ says the husband. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ says the wife.’ He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him.’ So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere, He shouts, ‘Hey, do you still want a push?’ And he hears a voice cry out, ‘Yeah, please.’ So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, ‘Where are you?’ The drunk replies, ‘Over here, on the swing.’