Re: Funny Things about Pinoy Movies

Speaking of the bad guys who look like goons, I read in the papers today that Paquito Diaz has passed away. Rest in peace, sir.

Not only for political reasons, but from conscience and honor, I will not consent to part with much in Silesia. No sooner is one enemy satisfied than another starts up; another, and then another must be appeased, and all at my expense. - Maria Theresa of Austria, Holy Roman Empress

No need to seize the last word, Lord Baelish. I'll assume it was something clever. - Sansa Stark, Game of Thrones > Season 7 > Episode 1

In the Philippines, erotic films are called “bold movies.” No pun intended.

posted on Nov. 9, 2014, at 10:11 a.m.

thepusherwoman
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1. Ang Magsasaging ni Pacing

What does it mean: Pacing’s Banana Vendor
What is it about: It’s about Pacing’s banana vendor, who happens to be an attractive young woman. Released during Christmas season, the film was wildly popular due to its cheeky title and lead actress Rosanna Ortiz’s performance.

2. Batuta ni Drakula

What does it mean: Dracula’s Bat
What is it about: It’s basically an erotic parody of “Dracula”, but why does he have a bat shaped like a dildo?

3. Balahibong Pusa

What does it mean: Furry Cat
What is it about: A young woman suspects that her mother’s fiance is sexually attracted to her so she confides everything to her boyfriend, who happens to work at her soon-to-be-stepfather’s mechanic shop and is having an affair with another woman. Oddly enough, this erotic thriller has nothing to do with cats.

4. 'Pag Dumikit Kumakapit

What does it mean: If It Sticks, It Clings
What is it about: A writer falls in love with his best friend’s lover, and it’s obvious what will happen next.

5. Room 69

What is it about: It deals with the lives of prostitutes living in a brothel called “Room 69.” Aside from having an ensemble cast, it is also known to the last film of controversial bold film actress Pepsi Paloma right before she committed suicide.

6. Sabong

What does it mean: Cockfight
What is it about: Cockfighting is the central subject of this film, but it’s obvious why this was chosen as its title.

7. Arayyy!

What does it mean: Ouchhh!
What is it about: It’s an oddly serious film named after a popular novelty song about the fate of prostitutes in the chaotic city of Manila. Producers could have chosen a better title though.

8. Tag-ulan Ngayon… Ang Bukid ay Basa 2

What does it mean: It’s The Rainy Season Now… The Field is Wet 2
What is it about: It’s a sequel to a poverty porn movie called “It was the Rainy Season Then, the Field was Wet” (yes, it bears a slightly different title) about a girl who lives an even more difficult life after drought made rice nearly impossible to harvest and she is forced to marry a wealthy bachelor despite still being in love with her childhood friend.

9. Anakan Mo Ako

What does it mean: Impregnate Me
What is it about: A tribeswoman wants to escape from her powerful and sex-hungry husband who wouldn’t mate with other tribeswomen in his harem until she gets pregnant. She gets an opportunity though when a modern man enters their forest. The movie was also notable for the song “No Matter What” by Boyzone in the trailer and it was aired on TV during commercial breaks.

10. Stop: Abortion

What is it about: Why does an anti-abortion film have to be a bold film? Also take note that one of the co-stars is named Boy Sanggol, which literally means “boy baby.”

11. Masarap na Pugad

What does it mean: Delicious Nest
What is it about: Two lovers named Gareth and Koala fight for their love despite their disapproving parents and their other admirers. So the question is: how do you eat a bird’s nest?

12. Kapag Ang Palay Naging Bigas… May Bumayo

What does it mean: The title basically means that if the rice had their husks removed, someone has pounded over them. It doesn’t have a direct translation since both “palay” and “bigas” are words for rice, the former being rice grains with husks still intact.
What is it about: No known synopsis ever exists partly because most people only cares about the title. It has been largely touted as the most unusual title in a Filipino movie.

13. Egg

What does it mean: Egg
What is it about: An ex-convict is given another chance of life by a duck egg farmer, but complications arrive when the farmer’s son returns home with his wife and the ex-convict starts an affair with the farmer’s much younger wife, played by a 15-year old newcomer Diana Zubiri. (Yes, minors acting in bold movies were a norm, which was technically against the law yet a lot of producers had gotten away from it.)

14. Bibingka

What does it mean: A type of ricecake, cooked over fire and topped with cheese and/or slices of salted egg
What is it about: Two long-separated sisters meet again, only to find out that they share the same man. The poster is very misleading, however, because it features a girl making “puto bumbong”, a different rice delicacy that is shaped in a long cylindrical mold and is topped with sugar and margarine. It could have been named “Puto Bumbong” instead and still make it to this list.

15. Kesong Puti

What does it mean: White Cheese (similar to feta)
What is it about: A wealthy man in Lumban, Laguna, known for producing the said cheese, can only get his inheritance once he and his wife has produced a child. Sadly he discovers that he is impotent, which creates for a very wild family scandal.

16. Kangkong

What does it mean: Swamp Cabbage, or Ipomoea aquatica
What is it about: A stereotypical Filipino-American woman returns to a kangkong plantation the Philippines and enters an illicit affair with a Catholic priest. Needless to say, this movie is all sorts of wrong.

17. Talong

What does it mean: Eggplant
What is it about: In an odd gender-reversed Cinderella story, a female artist falls in love with an eggplant farmer, who after their first bump leaves behind a large eggplant. She then has to track him down with the eggplant on hand. Okay, that’s enough phallic symbols for today.

18. Patikim ng Pinya

What does it mean: May I Taste Your Pineapple?
What is it about: A fruit vendor uses her seductive charms to lure men, but experiences the pain of falling in love when she meets a stranger. Because the title was deemed “too vulgar” for film censors, it uses the alternative title “Patikim” (Taste) in its posters. That did not prevent people who have and haven’t seen to remember it by its original title though.

19. Diligin ng Suka ang Uhaw na Lumpia

What does it mean: Soak with Vinegar Your Thirsty Spring Roll
What is it about: Who cares? The title is just too epic.