Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Skeptical Drunk

We continue our taxonomy of inebriates with a specimen I call the Skeptical Drunk. The Skeptical Drunk wants something, is absolutely certain you have it, and will utterly refuse to believe that you don't. It might be more alcohol, an available room, or the name of a restaurant that's still open in Newport at three in the morning. Whatever it is, the Skeptical Drunk wants it, and won't take no for an answer. A conversation with the Skeptical Drunk will usually go something like this:

SD: Have you got a room for the night?

Me: I'm sorry, we don't have any rooms available tonight.

SD: Come on, you must have a room.

Me: No, we're completely booked up. We have no rooms.

SD: You're telling me that you don't have any rooms?

Me: That's right, we don't have any rooms.

SD: Come on, you must have a room.

Me: No, we don't have any rooms.

SD: Hey, I know how you guys do business. You always keep a room open for the owner.

Me: No, if the owner wants a room, he has to book in advance, just like everyone else.

SD: Come on, you must have a room.

Me: No, we don't have any rooms.

The conversation can go back and forth like this for another dozen exchanges before the Skeptical Drunk finally gets it through their befuddled brain that whatever they want is really, truly, unavailable. I've never quite had to call the security guard to throw one out, but it's been close a couple of times.

Fair enough. I haven't entirely given up on the Sobel Wiki, by the way, though I'm not likely to start up on it any time soon. (The next article to write is "France", which would take a bit of work to do right.)

Ah, the Sobel Wiki. About six months ago, I was writing an article about the Galloway Plan. It took me a couple hours to do, and included a table of emigration figures. When I clicked on the SAVE button, Wikia erased it.

That had already happened to several articles, but losing Galloway Plan was the last straw. I said, "Who needs this?" and I walked away. I haven't been back since.