As a newlywed(in the 80's) I had no idea that a frozen chicken had to be defrosted and washed before cooking. (You can see where this is going, can't you?) After about three hours on slow cook, out came dinner-cooked to almost perfection! On closer inspection, however, it was realised that the giblets had also been left inside, ugh! Thank goodness that put DH and I off immediately as we both could have suffered worse consequences! I led a sheltered life as you can tell and never had to cook until the day I left home. Learnt a lot since that though!

Just after we got married, I tried cooking coq au vin. Except I didn't have any vin, which at the time was something people who called their sofa's settees drank. I had already bought two chicken portions, so, committed to the endeavour now, I scoured around till I found a leftover bottle of homemade scrumpy. This beverage was as 'rough' as 'saloon bar at the Stack' is to 'cocktail bar' at the TB Hotel. So rough in fact that it could power my moped, and stand-in as a firelighter when McLeans was closed. It was also a kind of hazy amber colour, not red, as in vin rouge. After a bit of head scratching I chucked it in the pan with the chicken, and there was such a fizzing, bubbling reaction that I half-expected the chicken to dissolve. Five minutes later, when the room cleared a bit the chicken was still there and the smell was pure ethanol.. but, it wasn't red. Another foray through the cupboards, and jubilation! No, not settee drinkers brew but a bottle of red food colouring. Unsure how much to use I just tipped the whole bottle in, stuck on the lid and left it simmering. Mrs T comes in -

I produced two plates with bright scarlet chicken portions. I swear I've never seen anything like it, even from the Indian. It kind of tasted okay, for the first culinary efforts of a 19 year-old, and Mrs T didn't say anything...

My Mother in-Law just told me a good one. Back in the 70's , she a baked a sponge cake for her sons birthday- perfectly golden brown and springy to the touch. She put this to one side after icing the top layer and continued with the rest of the birthday boy's goodies for his party. Just before the little guests arrived, M.I.L filled the birthday cake with that newfangled canned aerosol squirty cream. Party went well and the time came to sing the Birthday song and make wishes blowing out the candles. Shock horror -of course the "cream" has disintergrated and the top layer must have slid off, allowing Fluff the cat a treat of sponge and blue icing! Never will she live that down and is cited jokingly that it amounted to cruelty and humiliation for the birthday boy!