Friday, July 31, 2009

A short night of sleep againBut managed to walk and start the day's journey.Fatigue is still imminent.Prayer and time are my sacrament.Quiet solitude is my only hope.When the way is hard it helps me cope.Even in the midst of struggleMy body tries to resist and wriggle.But my mind and spirit choose betterThe memories of God's love letter,"faith, hope and love abide"And in that message I will forever hide.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

When time affords it,Alone,I always want to go somewhere quietTo read, journal, reflect and sip coffee,But truth is I already have some of the best placesRight here in this private sanctuary called home.

Here is another collage of Dad with prismacolor, highlighters and digital image.

He continues to grow stronger. He continues to ask about home. He is getting the peg (feeding tube) out soon. He is eating 3 meals a day. He is walking stronger. He still has difficulty getting to the standing position. He still needs your prayers as do Mom and I.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Sitting in my private sanctuaryI feel safe and protected.For a few brief momentsI shut out this world.Its pain, suffering, and fearsAre not visible from this vantage point.It's cold hard truth is non-existent.Its cruel realities are forgotten.I know I must leave this safe havenAnd go about my daily tasks.I wish I could stay in this sacred place forever.That must be what heaven is like-A safe, protected and sacred sanctuary.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Even though he asks about going home, he is patient and trusting. Decisions have been made for his recovery and healing without his consent and now that he could make some of those decisions, he knows the professionals and his family has his best in mind. If only I had his patience and faith. I still am learning so much from him!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Everyone who knows a person who had a stroke sees it differently. Doctors see a case. A name. A person who suffered great loss and must face the possibility of not recovering, a family that must face facts. Nurses sometimes see the same thing but often with more compassion. They see the family daily and know that they have fears and hopes and their own confusion caused by an unexpected illness. I see Dad's stroke as a horrible injustice to a God-fearing, faithful, servant of God, husband, and father. I see a fearful of loss situation causing many mixed emotions, pain and fatigue. Will he fully recover to be home with Mom and live a somewhat normal though cautious life for more years to come? Through Mom's eyes it's a scary "What if I lose him?" event and the "Why him? Why me?" thoughts. A woman of age and dementia who still does not fully realize the complete cost of such an occurrence to the body of a man who was always her strength and protector. But DAD! How must it look through his eyes, experiencing it, feeling it, being confused by it? Does he know what happened? Does he know how bad it was? Does he know how far he's come? Does he realize how much work is still ahead? Does he have enough fight left for the remainder of his journey? Do any of us?

Through God's eyes, He sees a man of quiet strength who can truly grow stronger in his faith, closer to his maker and inspire others who observe the journey.

It's still not too late to sign up. The first lesson is in relaxation. Trying to relax is never easy for me and especially now while my Dad is in Day 55 recovering from a stroke. I have been writing and art journaling the whole process on my blog here; so this workshop will hopefully further the recovery for me. One thing people don't tell you about strokes...the family is in recovery too! I've posted my first vision journal piece here in this post. This just may be what I need. First, we must realize we need relaxation and are not getting adequate amounts. Then we need a good kick in the pants to make it happen. Thanks Kathryn!

(The face and picture of Kiawah sunrise are mine. Stamped words are mine. Using a watercolor bound book for these prompts. Paints are acrylic and watercolor and distress ink.)

Always the Pollyanna, I believe rose colored glasses can lessen the pains and troubles of life. Try it! When problems come and dthey will, simply put on the tinted shades and move through the difficulty with creative strides and positive faith in the outcome...see if it doesn''t seem a bit easier to tolerate. See if you don't see things more clearly.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

From the physical walk to the spiritual one, today began with true lessons from above. Prayers were simple,"Help those I hold dear to be touched, healed, uplifted and peaceful this day. Amen"

Poem (below) came while walking before devotions....usually I work the other way. Scripture from Upper Room for today from Ephesians 3:14-21 had so many answers to all the questions that have filled my mind and soul recently. "Kneel...strength...power...faith...love...surpasses knowledge...fullness of God...able to do unimmeasurablly more than all we ask or imagine...Amen!"

Fearful of lazy Sundays because of the morning Dad had his stroke. Must let that go as I have so often prescribed to Mom to let go of the image of Dad slumped in the bathroom floor....today true healing and letting go comes. Maybe it's the letting go of negative images, thoughts and memories that can lead to true healing alone. Often those who do not believe in God talk of sending good thoughts and energy into the universe....well, those are prayers, no matter what anyone calls them. AND just maybe they are the very thoughts and energies that come back from the all powerful physician...GOD...in the form of healing, answers and new found faith.

I see God's answers in

a perfect morning sky.

I taste God's answers in

fresh fruit from the vine.

I smell God's answers in

a magnificent magnolia blossom.

I hear God's answers in

the voice of a dear soul.

I feel God's answers in

my peaceful heart.

It is time to stop questioning and accept God's answers. Thanking Him for all the wonderful healing that has already occurred and never looking back again...only forward!

He still tells colorful stories, even more so after the stroke (brain attack.) They aren't always clear and believable but it is wonderful to hear his voice. It is marvelous he knows us. It is terrific he is going to be walking with a walker very soon. It is fabulous he will eat soon. It is awesome he is still with us! God has blessed us greatly and I will thank Him every day.

Monday, July 13, 2009

She found her comfort in pie in the sky ideas. Dreaming and hoping were her survival skills. Trusting her Pollyanna nature got her through most tough situations. "Less is more" and other simplictic ways of living kept her safe and sane. She preferred quiet over chaos and like small intimate family gatherings better than crowded events. She never minded days upon days at home. Actually it became an addiction. Creativity and imagination were her drugs of choice and she used them heavily. Weaving words in her journal, meshing images in a collage or painting, leaning on a scripture passage and through prayer, she made sense of all things this way. It helped her sort out emotions, troubles and situations. Finding her purpose in life, following her own instincts and leading the map set before her became clearer when being true to herself.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Fluffy white pillows float on a blue bed of skyBut the prayers dry up on my tongue.Fatigue settles over my body andThe will to go on is gone.It feels more like I've been sleeping on a bed of nails.But the birds circling in songs of praisePull me off the painful surface.

I see the half moonFading into the sunrise and I realize I can battle another day!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

than I ever wanted. Stroke recovery is slow. Agonizingly slow. For the patient and the family. You cannot rush it. You can only enhance it with therapy, waiting, hoping and lots of prayers.

Some days are better than others. Sometimes he is alert. Sometimes sleepy. Sometimes talkative about nonsensical things. Sometimes he can respond and answer completely normal. It is frustrating at best. It is the lesson in patience I guess I've always needed. I just hate he had to suffer a stroke to teach me. Perhaps we will be stronger than ever!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Creativity, art, reading, movies always provide an excellent escape. Dad is making slow but steady progress and I have been able to squeeze in some creative play to divert my weary mind and tired body.

Allow your joy to fill my hurting soul.Know your answers are found in God.Believe your hope is found in God.Trust your love is found in God.Accept your strength found in God.Increase your faith found in God.Realize your joy found in God.Have your peace found in God.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

do I see my grandparents, Harry and Lois, and other departed loved ones?

The clouds break through and I see a bit of heaven....

but wait, I'm not ready; I still want to see my son wed, grandchildren, a home at Fernwood.

The clouds separate and I get a glance at heaven....grassy fields, flowery meadows, happy faces.The clouds split and I peer into heaven....healing, joy, peace, and goodness.The clouds open and I sneak a look into heaven....Dad's stroke never happened; 9-11 is a myth; families are intact.The clouds break up and I have sight of heaven....life is good; there is hope; prayers are answered.The clouds divide and I gaze into heaven....or is it heaven on earth?

Dad is continuing a slow but steady recovery. It could take many months or longer but I still find hope in the Lord, peace in His word and comfort in prayers lifted by so many faithful prayer warriors. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

BUT...God can do all things, what man can't. He helps you overcome obstacles. He heals and solves. He strengthens and blesses. He lifts and holds. He touches and graces. He restores and saves. He can and will do what you need. Ask!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Two weeks ago Dad was beginning a long journey as a stroke victim. Today I was able to talk with him on the phone as he sat in the chair. Mom and I have been up and down emotionally, physically, mentally; strained but we are trusting and believing God for miraculous healing and recovering through the expert care of Carepartners in Asheville. (So much for physicians and nurses at Mission giving us hope.)

Mom is dealing with diverticulitis and me with IBS. Terry with Loneliness. Matthew with distance.

Lost and aloneIs how the turn of the earth can leave you.All is peace and joy one moment then a horrible change in the body can leave one helpless---speechless---no motor control or ability to control one's own actions. But the grace of God and the expert hands of professionals can certainly turn the earth back.

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Day 31

In some ways, it's been a long, long month and in some ways it's been fast. Sitting and waiting in the hospital was terribly long. Driving the long drive from my house to Mom's to Asheville was long. Expecting greater strides in recovery is not long enough. I know strokes take much time to recover from. I also understand everyone is different. Some days will be miraculous and others heart breaking but hope is essential and prayer is a must. God must have time to work His medicine that is like no doctor's or therapist's. He can heal, change and improve anyone's situation. Believe and take heart!