Few real young adults have the safety nets we assume our “Girls” have even when their parents cut them off two years post-Ivy League. Girls is comedy, not tragedy, only because the characters’ socio-economic status allows them to make Jessa-magnitude mistakes and still cruise on back to the lives of promise Girls watchers assume they’ll have.

For other young women, trading youth and beauty for money and power isn’t a Saturday night date gone awry but a life plan deliberately pursued.

We here at She Negotiates were disturbed by the trend but also intrigued. Did these young women believe they were prostituting themselves? Did they consider themselves to be sophisticated call girls? Or was this just the most recent example of America’s decline? College tuition so valuable, and so pricy, that young women without real “Daddies” (or Mommies) to send them to college would sell their bodies to pay for it?

The practice appears to have all the indicia of “transactional sex” found in poverty cultures, a practice Wikipedia describes as follows:

Transactional sex relationships are distinct from other kinds of prostitution, in that the transactional sex provides only a portion of the income of the person providing the sex. Those offering sex may or may not feel affection for their patrons. In the western world, transactional sex usually involves a woman living in extreme poverty. If unable to pay her rent one month, she might have sex with her landlord. Any number of other services, legal and illegal, can be paid for with sex acts.

Just How Important Is Having a College Degree?

We hear a lot of anti-higher education rhetoric these days but the value of a college degree has never been higher. In ’09, perhaps the worst year to enter the work force since the Great Depression, workers with a Bachelors degree were reported to have a lifetime earning potential 84% higher than high school graduates.

Jobs for individuals with a B.A., B.S., Ph.D, Masters or professional degree increased by 187,000 during the worst of the recession and by 230,000 in the “jobless” recovery.

As CBS News reported this year in Why College Tuition Keeps Rising, “from 2000 to 2010, funding per pupil at state universities fell by 21 percent – from $8,257 to $6,532 in inflation adjusted dollars.”

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Many years ago (while single), I started dating an attractive, fun young woman (who had a decent job – physical therapist). (Call her Trish for the story.)

Trish clearly felt (and often stated) that she was dating down and that it was my money (I had a good job) that got me access to her. Ironically, I felt that we were about equal and that our continued dating was because I was new in town and hadn’t met many people yet.

Trish met an older man with lots of money and informed me that she would take up with him (while continuing our relationship because it was “fun”). He paid for her apartment and gave her a variable allowance. I periodically gave her a little cash typically about $200 per month (in 1985) and paid for our outings. Trish made it very clear to both of us (I met the older man in business and Trish got a kick out of our knowing each other) that our money was a prerequisite to continued dating.

Trish was intimate with both of us (obviously physically, but also in the many small ways that people dating are). She appeared to enjoy having two good part-time relationships (he took her to plays and dinners, I took her skiing and hiking).

As an aside, this was a pretty good situation for me; I dated a pretty girl, but had complete freedom to date others (though Trish bitterly resented my seeing other people); more importantly, it was a relationship with no obligations and a short shelf life – in short a transaction. I could (and planned to) stop it at my convenience; I regarded our dating as a paid transaction.

Rightly or wrongly, by giving Trish a little cash, I felt that I had evaded all of the obligations that accrue over time in a relationship.

One day Trish came to my apartment crying. Having heard so much about the older man’s daughter, she took the opportunity to approach the daughter at their shared health club (both women were about 26).

The older man was furious. He told Trish that he did not want his daughter associating with hookers.

Trish was devastated; she could not understand why the older man regarded as a hooker. So did I, but out of kindness, I comforted Trish and commiserated. This incident brought home to me that I did not like “dating” hookers; I waited a decent interval and broke it off.

Trish was not a stupid girl, but out of greed, pride, and materialism she cheapened herself. Worse, she did it without really understanding the consequences of her decisions.

Both the older man and I broke off with Trish very shortly after this incident. I learned that Trish got married less than a year later to a man of modest socioeconomic means.

Interesting that you say “out of greed, pride, and materialism she cheapened herself.” What did the “transaction” do to you? “Pretty girl” sounds like materialism and pride and greed as well, frankly. The “girl” is a possession and an object of pride (she reflected well on you or so you assumed) and greed isn’t limited to money – it’s also about wanting an excess of what one is deserving of. In this case, you clearly didn’t think yourself “entitled” to a “pretty girl” unless you could purchase her. I’m not judging you nor her. Just saying that it doesn’t speak as well for you as I usually imagine that you judge her without acknowledging your own part in it.

The point of my story (and relating to your column) is that I could play with few public consequences; Trish could not. Society will condemn the woman far more harshly than the man in this sort of situation.

Trish wanted it all; she did not understand what the cost would be.

I wanted it all and (aside from personal compromises) got it all at no public cost.

Following your column, I suspect that the women quoted have not yet paid the price that society (and their personal ethics) will demand.

Thanks. Got it. There are no short-cuts and generally when we take them they take us some place where we believe we want to be but is not the place our authentic selves desire. I knew you’d be a stand up guy on this topic. Thanks for coming back to continue the conversation.