Kitchen Conspiracy!

I’m not really much for conspiracy theories…but…since I spent most of my time curled up in the fetal position praying that my wife would return early from her seminar to assist with two overenergized children this afternoon, I am acutely aware of the temperature to which I must preheat my oven to bake the Toll House cookie dough that I bought at the local Kroger today.

Yes, it was a low moment, so I bought 2 packs (with the full intention of sharing at least 6 cookies with some friends who need cheering!). I read the package several times- mostly because I was in and out of it several times- for quality inspection purposes I assure you! Since no one reads anymore, the modern miracle of those instructional graphics made it abundantly clear that the temperature required was 350 degrees.

So earlier, when I decided to actually bake some cookies as a welcome home to my slightly delayed, yet tremendously appreciated spouse, I pushed the start button on my oven for preheating, and low and behold, what should appear- but 350 degrees as the standard start-up temperature. Hmmmmmm. I wonder what other appliances in my house are naturally set to conspire against me? Is my microwave preset to cook popcorn perfectly with the touch of one button? Does my freezer seem to keep ice cream at the ridiculously perfect crispness for snagging a tasty bowl doused in chocolate sauce without too much wrist pain from the scooping? Is my refrigerator perfectly set to store beer at just the right cool, frosty temperature?

WAIT A MINUTE!!? Can this be!??! My kitchen is conspiring against me!! Tell me it isn’t so?

Wait, is that the Fry Daddy I hear sizzling my onion rings? Yep, I see the onion ring light is on–Gotta go! Good thing I’m hitting the gym tomorrow.