John was pleased to have found an end to his troubles, but less pleased when he found it required an expensive appointment to be plugged in.

Planned Longevity will circumvent all those problems by providing our clients with their own means of coming to grips with life: the TerminalMan and TerminalWoman end-of-life vests.
Based on the availability of the new lithium technology, TerminalMan and TerminalWoman vests will now, at the user’s command, deliver more than 5 amps of electricity from multiple cell 100 volt batteries directly through the thoracic cavity quickly incapacitating the heart and mercifully terminating the citizen’s participation in all government programs (and all programs).
Terminal Logic helmets will also be available options* for an even more placid end-of-life experience.
Available with EquaFlo® variable current, Terminal Logic helmets incapacitate various brain functions. Prototypes have been used to facilitate reading local print media news sources. Used in conjunction with TermainalMan or Woman vests, the helmet can eliminate the brain’s capacity to experience any discomfort from the terminal electrocution process.
The first challenge to marketing success has, of course, been the vest design. We wanted to give our clients the sense of empowerment that we knew would come with being able to wear the vests anywhere and choose one’s own time and place to depart from the world, even on a sudden whim. So it was important, especially for women, to have a product that met our fashion standards. Design, though, was much more difficult for the women than for the men.
The men’s versions are ultra-macho, Off-road, Jeep and Humvee-inspired ballistic vests that impart a sense of dominance anywhere you wear them (we strongly advise against airport use).
We call this the “H2” Termainal Man vest:
Here is a picture of former actor Chris Farley modeling the “Patriot”:With her fabulous commitment to choice it was easy to get my dear friend, Jane Fonda to model our first Terminal Woman prototype.
But even on Jane the thing looked frumpy and Jane agreed. How do you get room on the garment for the batteries and still look stylish? Jane, herself came up with the Siberian Siren idea:
but I was most pleased when our design staff came up with the TerminalWoman “feeling down” vest, here modeled by Victoria Seacrest:
And following that idea, our sleekest model, the mata hari kiri, here shown in black, is to die for:
Now for the business prospects. They’re nothing short of phenomenal. We can demonstrate a huge market for “end it all” services even here in what my good friend, Michael Midstream calls “the greatest nation on god’s green earth” and the economy has just made it even better. Careerists in banking and financial services have a strong incentive to own and wear a Terminal vest.Beyond that, we know that Government has an almost insatiable appetite to fund killing centers, especially for those unfortunate souls that don’t produce. They will want to provide funding for Longevity Services, without a doubt! Shouldn’t people have the choice to live as long as they want?