California Marriage Remains Respectable

May 26, 2009

Today, the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8, last November’s ballot initiative to amend the California Constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman. Mormons who financially backed Prop 8
celebrated
, incidentally.

Me too.

In fact, all of us in the Golden State can breathe a sigh of relief. This ruling has
saved
us. We sure wouldn’t want to see California turn into some kind of nuthouse…

Marriage remains a sacred institution here.

In California…

It is illegal for a same-sex couple who has been in love and living together for 40 years to marry. However, if they got married during the summer or early fall of 2008, they may
remain
married - they just can’t
get
married.

So, California recognizes the full legal rights of thousands of gay and lesbian married couples, but won’t allow any
more
couples to join this existing lawful group.

Hmmm…

Rest easy, the pre-Prop 8 marriage laws are still here to ensure the purity and wholesomeness of wedded bliss - even in the atypical cases. For example, the following marriage is legal in California:

The day after his 12
th
divorce goes through, a white, alcoholic, syphilitic, 85 year-old (twice convicted of spousal battery), Jewish confectioner who was born a woman may marry his cousin, a black, teetotaling, diabetic, 11 year-old, Muslim hermaphrodite as long as
one
of the girl’s parents consents to the union, which may be performed by a "pastor" who was ordained that same day by an internet church that has no building or belief system. The couple could have decided to marry at breakfast and be wed by lunch.

Sound like a bad bet for a long, happy marriage? Well, that’s none of your damn business and not for you to say. God and the state have blessed these nuptials.

They still fit neatly under the current definition of traditional marriage between a man and a woman in the state of California.

We should all celebrate that the sanctity of marriage is still intact after the Court’s ruling.