When I look back at pictures from this phase of my life I want them to actually bring me back to this phase of my life.

I have more pictures then I would like to admit where I got irritated because one of the kids weren't smiling for the camera: "Smile! Come on look at me!" or where I stopped their simultaneous joy "say cheeeeseeeeee". After enough coaxing and snapping, the thought out smiling & posed photograph is born.

I cringe looking back at many of them.

Those images are not a true representation of our life. That moment that was captured, that was frozen in time, was me being frustrated that things weren't going how I wanted them to - how I expected them to - how I wanted others to see them.

My kids in cute color coordinated outfits and big smiles are always ascetically pleasing. But that's not what my life looks like.

In reality my life is messy. It's mis-matched outfits, and often no outfits at all. It's peanut butter and jelly stained faces. It's tantrums. It's markers on the couch and crumbs in the outdated minivan. It's "I thought the shoes were already in the car", and now my kid is in public barefoot. It's going deaf from the dogs barking at the bird across the street. It's pure chaos.

BUT it's also my 2 year old rubbing her baby brothers ears to help him fall asleep. It's my 5 year old making me a surprise lunch when I'm napping with the babies. It's the girls staying up past their bedtimes laughing in their room and always falling asleep cuddled together on the top bunk. It's an oversized grin & excited arm flap every time you even look in my sons direction. It's the fearless Pomeranian that sat beside my head as I delivered my son and never leaves the side of the kids as newborns.

The posing and planned outfits are beautiful - sure - but life is pretty beautiful without any of that too - even in the chaos.

Forcing myself to stop forcing it - stop trying to get "the perfect shot" - has not only made photography so much more enjoyable - but it's made life more enjoyable too. Making a point to see the beauty in every day - and pausing to photograph it - to take it in - forces me to recognize beauty in places I would often overlook. And for that I am so thankful.