'Meet the Parents' Funniest Quotes

In the uproarious comedy 'Meet the Parents,' male nurse Gaylord 'Greg' Focker (Ben Stiller) is the trophy boy for disaster. Wanting to propose to Pam (Teri Polo), the woman of his dreams, Greg learns that it is customary to ask her father's permission. However the cards are already stacked against him because his girlfriend's dad, Jack Byrnes (Robert De Niro) is an ex-CIA agent with an unhealthy case of paranoia. Its only been one day and, already, Greg's attempts for approval seem destined for failure. A hilarious, unpredictable and nail biting romantic comedy that puts a whole new spin on the commonly uncomfortable act of "meeting the parents".

Here are a collection of the funniest quotes from 'Meet the Parents':
In the uproarious comedy 'Meet the Parents,' male nurse Gaylord 'Greg' Focker (Ben Stiller) is the trophy boy for disaster. Wanting to propose to Pam (Teri Polo), the woman of his dreams, Greg learns that it is customary to ask her father's permission. However the cards are already stacked against him because his girlfriend's dad, Jack Byrnes (Robert De Niro) is an ex-CIA agent with an unhealthy case of paranoia. Its only been one day and, already, Greg's attempts for approval seem destined for failure. A hilarious, unpredictable and nail biting romantic comedy that puts a whole new spin on the commonly uncomfortable act of "meeting the parents".

Here are a collection of the funniest quotes from 'Meet the Parents':

Greg Focker: "Oh, Lil' Kim... She's Phat... P-h Fat..."

Jack: "I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car?"Greg: "Uh no, the guy at the window did, why?"Jack: "Well they say geniuses pick green."Greg: "Oh."Jack: "But you didn't pick it"

Jack: "I'm a realist. I understand it's the 21st century and you've probably had pre-marital relations with my daughter. But under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island expressway. Is that understood?"

Jack: "All right, now look, Focker. I'm a patient man. That's what 19 months in a Vietnamese prison camp will do to you. But I will be watching you, studying your every move. And if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown."

Greg: "So what got you into carpentering?"Kevin Rawley(Owen Wilson): "Carpentry? I guess I'd have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter and I just figured if you're gonna follow in someone's footsteps, who better than Christ?"

Jack: "Oh, geez, I just realized something."Dina Byrnes (Blythe Danner): "What?"Jack: "Pam's middle name."Dina Byrnes: "Martha...Oh no."Both: "Pamela Martha Focker."
Pam: "Greg Honey, how are you doing?"Greg: "Oh great, considering I desecrated your Grandma's remains, found out you were engaged, and had your father ask me to milk him. At least back then he was still talking to me, so..."

Jack: "You tried to milk him, didn't you you sick son of a bitch?"

Jack: "Are you a pothead, Focker?"Greg: "No, no, no, no, Jack. No, I'm... I'm not... I... I pass on grass all the time. I mean, not all the time."Jack: "Yes or no?"Greg: "No, um, yes, um..."

Pam: "What's the matter sweetie? Can't sleep?"Greg: "No,no. I was just going over my answers to the polygraph test your dad just gave me."

Flight Attendant: "I can assure you that your bag will be placed safely below deck with the other luggage."Greg: "Oh yeah? How do you know my bag will be safe below with the other luggage? Huh? Are you physically gonna take my bag beneath the plane? Are you gonna go with the guys with the earmuffs and put it in there?"

Greg: "What's wrong with saying "bomb" on an airplane?
Detective: "You can't say "bomb" on an airplane!"Greg: "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb! You gonna arrest me? During the war I was a BOMBadier!"
Detective: "You assaulted an airline employee and I oughta put you away for years!"