Charm is the art of having an attractive personality. Some people charm others the moment they enter a room, while others earn a reputation as a charmer over a period of time. While everyone is born with differing amounts of natural charm, much can be acquired and honed through practice. Read on to learn how to use your attitude and body language to be charming.

Be genuinely interested in people. You don't have to love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by people in some way. Charming people walk into a room full of people ready to spend time talking to others; they don't stand against the wall waiting for the moment when they can escape. What interests you about other people? If you're empathetic, maybe you're interested in how people feel. Maybe you're interested in what makes people tick, or what knowledge they hold. Use your interest as the basis for getting to know people.

Remember people's names when you meet them for the first time. This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people, but it's completely worth doing if you want to be charming. When introducing yourself, repeating the person's name will help you to remember it. For example: "Hi, Jack, I'm Wendy." Follow through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye.

Repeating someone's name is not just about helping you to remember that person. The more often you say someone's name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they'll warm up to you.

If someone else walks up while you're having a conversation, introduce the two people by name.

Assume rapport. This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you.

Kindness, coupled with respect, makes others feel as if they are loved and cared for. This is a powerful tool during interaction.

Talk about topics that interest the people you're with. If you're in a sporty crowd, talk about last night's game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you're with a group of hobbyists, ask about their hobbies and make pertinent remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, and so on.

Nobody expects you to be an expert. Sometimes you can build rapport just by asking questions, and not caring if you seem naive. There are people who like talking about and explaining their interests, and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around.

Exercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you're hoping to learn more about it.

Share information about yourself. Being quiet about yourself makes you seem standoffish. Sharing as much about yourself as you ask others to share is a way to build trust with other people. They'll feel special because you wanted to talk about your life with them, and before you know it you'll have new friends.

Make eye contact. Looking at people directly in the eyes gives you a certain hold over them. It projects confidence on your end while making the person you're speaking with feel that they are interesting enough to gaze upon. Keep eye contact throughout the conversation. No matter what you're talking about, holding the person's eyes will make you seem more charming.

Smile with your eyes. Scientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is the Duchenne smile - a smile that pushes up into the eyes.[1] The reason it's more genuine is because the muscles needed to smile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not in a courtesy smile.[2] Also, if you look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charm them.

Give a firm handshake. Shaking a person's hand when you first meet them is a polite way to show the person they're someone you want to talk to. Use a firm grip, but don't hold on too tight - you don't want to hurt the person's hand. After one good shake, release the person's hand from your grip.

In regions where shaking hands is not customary, use a different appropriate physical gesture to show you're interested in talking to someone. A kiss on both cheeks, a bow, or another physical gesture gets the conversation off to a good start.

Use charming body language. Face the person you're talking to so that it doesn't seem as though you're anxious to walk away as soon as the conversation is over. During the course of the conversation, it may be appropriate to use light touching to keep it moving. You can lightly touch the person's shoulder to emphasize a point, for example. At the end of the conversation, decide whether it's appropriate to give a quick hug or another handshake.

Control your tone of voice. Your voice should be gentle and peaceful, yet direct. Articulate your words clearly and project your voice. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does your voice sound sincere?

Use impressive phrasing. Be mature and use a touch of wise, polite language. Don't you find people that say "Hello" are much more charming than people that mutter "'Sup"? Here is another example: Change "It's none of his beeswax!" to "It shouldn't be any of his concern." Of course, don't overdo it, but try to be polite and turn every negative into a positive.

Issue compliments generously. Compliments raise others' self-esteem and make them feel fondly toward you. If you like someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it.

If you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment them, even if you feel that there is room for improvement.

If you notice that someone has changed something about themselves (haircut, manner of dress, etc.), notice it and point out something you like about it. If you're asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliment.

Be gracious in accepting compliments. Get out of the habit of assuming that a compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment.

Go beyond a mere "Thank you" and enjoin this with "I'm glad you like it," or "It is so kind of you to have noticed." These are compliments in return.

Avoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response "Oh well, I wish I were as ______ as you in that situation." This is tantamount to saying, "No, I am not what you are saying I am; your judgment is wrong."

Praise others instead of gossiping. If you're speaking with someone or you're talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Kind hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100 percent sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.

Be a good listener. Charm isn't always an outward expression, but an inward one too. Engage the other person to talk more about his or herself, about something that they like, something they're passionate about, about themselves. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express themselves with you.

I feel like I'm forcing it and it comes off fake. How do I use my own natural charm?

wikiHow Contributor

Community Answer

First, figure out what you're doing that's making you feel like you're forcing your charm and sounding fake. You know what not to do in future. Next, think of a normal conversation with one of your friends. Do you talk about your favorite singer's new album? Ask someone a friendly question about that, like whether they've heard your favorite song from it. Ask about their music preferences, because you'll rarely come across someone who doesn't like any music. Are you a joker? Crack a few jokes but make sure they fit into the conversation. Once you've started the conversation, act like the person you're talking to is a friend. With any luck, they will be soon!

You'll know if people usually respond to you in a happy, polite and nice way, and are attracted to you. They'll enjoy being in your circle and will enjoy talking to you. They will ask you for advice and treat you as a shoulder to lean on. In general, they will want to spend time with you and will speak of you in awed tones.

What if I try to be charming, but I just don't know how to walk up to the person and start a conversation?

wikiHow Contributor

Community Answer

Look pleasant, give people a reason to want to know or listen to you. Whatever it is you would like to achieve, do it in a way that does not put too much pressure and makes them agreeable or open-minded.

Shake hands firmly, one shake, and introduce yourself. Call the other person by name, listen to them, smile with your eyes, ask questions about their job or interests. If you don't know their name - just admit it and ask. Be confident and make eye contact.

Why a person who doesn't make eye contact considered unattractive or uninteresting?

wikiHow Contributor

Community Answer

Maintaining eye contact lets the other person know that you are listening to them and helps them feel more confident about themselves. If you don't make eye contact, people might think that you are unfriendly or not interested in the conversation. You might also appear unapproachable, which could cause people to stay away from you.

Not everyone enjoys meeting new people and some people find it quite terrifying. Thus, their "lack of warmth" may actually be shyness, anxiety, fear or discomfort. Try to find something you have in common, to help this person to open up and talk more freely. It's best to view it as their issue, not a passing of judgment on you.

Never put yourself above another. For example, if someone drops a book near you, stoop down, pick it up and graciously hand it to them saying, "I think you dropped this". You will stand out as being caring and willing to help.

The degree of charm that you possess depends on the creativity of your praise. Say something that is not immediately obvious and say it in a poetic way. It's good to have some premeditated compliments and phrases but the most charming people are able to invent them on the spot. This way, you can be sure that you are not repeating it. If you can't think of anything to say, bring up a current event that is interesting.

Improve your posture. Throw those shoulders back and let them drop (relax). When you walk, imagine you're crossing a finish line; the first part of your body to cross should be your torso, not your head. If you have poor posture, your head will be pushed forward, which makes you seem timid and insecure.(If you're female, push your breasts forward. Sounds odd but it can help you learn proper posture)

If forcing good posture doesn't look right, strengthen your muscles. These would include your upper back (traps & lats), shoulders, and chest. Your neck will fall into place and your posture will be perfect naturally.

Every so often you will have no choice but to express an opinion that few others hold. That is fine. Consider expressing it in a humorous way. Humor is the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.

To be charming, try to remember people’s names the first time you meet them and use their name when speaking with them so that the person feels important and respected. Then, use charming body language by smiling, maintaining eye contact, and facing the person during the conversation to make them feel that they are interesting enough to hold your undivided attention. Additionally, be generous with compliments to help raise others’ self-esteem and make them feel fondly toward you.

Reader Success Stories

Ambereen Ovais

Jul 31, 2017

"The article was very well-articulated. It helped me to refocus on my skills as a teacher and social person. Some of the tips I already try to emulate, but reading about it helped me to understand my behavior more clearly. Thank you."..." more

Rated this article:

HC

Helena Collins

Sep 25, 2016

"Thank you so much for this article! You see, most people in my class didn't usually interact with me, unless there was a group project to be done. I started following these tips around people and it worked out really well for me! You guys gave me the extra confidence I needed! I owe you!"..." more

A

Anonymous

Jul 22, 2017

"The eye contact and the smile steps helped me a lot, because I thought that if you always smile and make eye contact, the person you are talking to would think you are crazy or making fun of him/her. Thank you, I hope you always post such helpful articles."..." more

A

Anonymous

Mar 9, 2017

"I never really thought of having an attitude that changes how others see me. The article helped me to realize not to think too much, and simply aim for being kind and give out an easily approachable impression of myself."..." more

MA

Mahat Ahmed Shukri

Jul 4, 2016

"The article cemented what I felt I have and it increased my confidence. It was truly an eye opener and I appreciate the person or persons who have helped this website to be. I feel new and a bit reassured."..." more

A

Anonymous

Jun 21, 2016

"To be honest, I already did most of these things, but reading the article helped me not take the polite things I have done for granted, and remided me that I should continue being kind."..." more

T

Tamera

Jul 3, 2017

"Many of these things I have been utilizing already in my pursuit of self improvement. I love the idea of turning every negative into a positive and showing true interest in people."..." more

A

Anonymous

Oct 26, 2016

"This article helped me a lot. It mentioned many aspects I never thought about (for example, not giving a compliment back and talking positive about others). Thank you!"..." more

DC

Dulciana Curnow

Feb 11, 2017

"People in my class didn't talk to me that often. I followed these steps, and it worked! Everybody gives me compliments and wants to be my friend. Thanks so much!"..." more

DG

Diane Greer

May 31, 2016

"I've been having some problems with people's attitudes towards me. Some of the suggestions in this article are ones I can use. Thank you so much."..." more

A

Anonymous

Aug 1, 2017

"I love this article! This really helped me. A person in my class didn't like me that time, now I found a perfect way to make friends."..." more

CU

Carmel Usha

Apr 5, 2016

"It really made me so very happy and I feel great within myself. Thank you. I feel relaxed and fresh. I'm happy to have a new friend."..." more

ML

Maria Long

Aug 20, 2016

"Showed me that in a conversation, always changing anything negative said to a positive can be very charming and appealing!"..." more

MC

Marian Chiara

Nov 12, 2016

"I prefer to let others be first, but I value my own worth and respect myself enough to strive for a positive attitude."..." more

AL

Aisha L.

Jul 5, 2017

"I have always been loud and foul-mouthed. I also laugh a lot, and I've always been too kind. Now am that classy lady."..." more

Rated this article:

SK

Saif Khan

Jun 10, 2016

"I don't have the charming personality and have confused behavior. Despite all this, the article helped me a lot."

TB

Taruna B.

Jun 4, 2017

"It surely helped me to converse on positive notes and making the other person interested and confident as well."

LG

Liko Gegia

Oct 29, 2016

"I like this page because there's everything for a happy, inspirational life. I want more pages like this. "

TB

Tori Burghart

Mar 1, 2017

"Just the overall specifications that were met in teaching these things were helpful. Thank you!"

A

Anonymous

Aug 22, 2016

"You do not know how much this helped. Now I know how to not feel like a shy, rude person."

SS

Sadhan Sinha

May 21, 2017

"I was shy, now I'm very confident after your guidance. Thank you so much these tools."

Rated this article:

A

Anonymous

Jan 20, 2017

"It helps to know what the general public finds subconsciously appealing in a person."

A

Anonymous

Sep 13, 2017

"I enjoyed the way this article was written, as it was clean, and concise!"