The necessary arrangements

A morbid topic, perhaps, but you must make plans for how you want to be remembered after you pass on.

Matt:

I have a request

Matt:

as my closest friend, I expect you to honour this

Matt:

whenever I die, assuming you're still around (which seems reasonably likely), you must take every possible step to ensure that my death certificate states that the cause of death was "TERMINAL HANDSOMENESS"

Neil:

I will quit my job and take a position in the coroner's office.

Matt:

well I tell you, I sure would appreciate it

Neil:

If you want at your funeral I'll stand up, start to talk and then start wailing and break down crying shouting "HE WAS JUST TOO GODDAMN HANDSOME"

Matt:

hah

Neil:

"This world was never meant for one as handsome as him"

Neil:

of course I'd be lying as you're an ugly fucker.

Neil:

but still.

Matt:

obviously I'll return the favour if Neil should be snatched away from us before I am

Matt:

since we're talking about this, I just need to confirm: you obviously want your gravestone to be a huge stone cock, right?

Neil:

you'd have thought so, but actually no... I want a life size statue of me on top of my grave