New fairness cream promises excellent marks in Board Exams

New Delhi. Millions of kids currently feeling the pressure of board examinations in India may have found an unlikely ally in their battle against the pressure – a fairness cream. No Dark, a leading fairness cream brand has claimed that regular use of their cream helps kids perform better during the board examinations.

Speaking to Faking News, Mr. Das, Vice-President (Marketing) of No Dark said, “The use of our cream helps students reach their full potential during an exam. So many students fail to do so during the exam due to the stress they are under. Our cream helps to get rid of pressure as we all know fair people don’t feel any pressure. They are always cool and calm. This cream brings out the real diamond in them.”

The company claims that just 3 minutes of use could increase marks by 33%

“Add to that the fact that teachers turn a blind eye to a fair student using unfair means in an exam and concentrate on the dark-skinned children instead. So, our cream is also effective for people who rely on chits and the students sitting ahead of them to get through the exams,” he went on to add.

When asked whether he had any data to back up his claim that fair students do better in an exam, Mr. Das snapped at us and said, “If fairness cream can help you do well in your career, or if a fairness cream can help you get lucky with the opposite sex then why can’t a fairness cream help students do well in the exams?”

Mr. Das also said, “We are not the first ones to promote fairness among kids, United Nations has been trying to spread fairness in kids throughout the world for several decades through their organization for kids, UNICEF, United Nations International Council for Expanding Fairness.”

We didn’t bother to correct him on UNICEF lest he snaps at us again.

While we remained skeptical, students seemed to be very open to trying this cream. Sushma, a class X student said, “These days the competition is so intense, Thousands of students overtake you if you lose even a single mark. If this cream can help me get even 1 mark, I will consider it money well spent. After all, I don’t want to disappoint my parents like my sister who only got 93 % in her 10th exams. ”

While a class XII student, Rajbir said, “It is good. Only thing is that they should have priced it a little higher. The way we take money from our parents for tuitions and spend it on beer and pool, we could have done the same for this cream. Now, thanks to the lousy budget thing, I can’t even buy a cigarette pack in the cost of this cream.”

When we informed HRD Minister of State Shashi Tharoor of this whole pseudo-science, he promised to take action, but later was found re-tweeting a tweet from Naveen Jindal that claimed that students could get better marks in exams if they wore tri-vortex ‘tiranga’ bangles.