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January 16, 2011

Alysia

Alysia Angel, age 5
Dallas, TX (1978)

I was a super confident feminine girl in 1978. I had a crush on the tomboys in class and snubbed all of the boys who were not super girly and feminine. And thank goodness for my kindergarten friend Steve, who also later came out as gay.

"Femme And Fabulous Forever"

Growing up in gay and femme in Dallas was hard. On one hand I "passed" and on the other hand, the social construct kept me pretty miserable. Some nights I would be up clutching my guts in panic with the unspoken secret of my gayness, living my days with some kind of gummy residue over my body. It was not until I moved to the Pacific Northwest that I had the courage to come out. I was 27.

I always felt very different from the other girls in my class. Even though I was very feminine, I knew I was different. I knew my attractions and feelings were, well, queer. I first became attracted to very fey men - pretty boys who wore makeup. Somehow that was how my queer manifested itself.

Ziggy Stardust was an obsession for awhile and I remember my Stepmother being bemused at my lust for his androgyny, which was probably why when I came out to her later her response was 'So what?'. She knew.

I knew I was gay as soon as I knew I wanted to kiss the cutest, curly-headed tomboy in my first grade class.

Chantray Robinson, if you are out there - I still love you.

I love this photo because it represents my confidence, with my hand on my hip and my purse that I fought to carry my first day in school. I know that I was ready to take on the world, or at the very least - the playground.

The "Born This Way: Real Stories Of Growing Up Gay" book is out now in all bookstores. Please support your local LGBT and independent bookstores whenever possible. Click the image below to locate an indie bookstore near you.