8/20 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Jenny From The Block

*This is a recap of events from noon Monday to noon Tuesday*

What the - there must be something wrong with my feeds as I turn them on. Daniele is happy. Like, smiling, not whining or pouting happy as she talks to Dick in the kitchen about her pending trip to wherever it is that BB is sending her. Daniele says she doesn’t care if they go to Chuck E. Cheese, as long as she gets the heck out of the house. I really wish they would send them to pizza hell. What a let down. Jessica asks Dani if they’ve told her what landfill they’re going to yet, and she shoots back “The one in Kansas.” Score one for Daniele!

Jen dons one of her skankinis and heads to the backyard to roast with Eric as Daniele puts a birthday hat over Mike’s picture on the wall. I guess it’s his birthday too, but why they care, I have no idea. Daniele has her bag packed and ready to go while Amber spends wayyy too much time with the curling iron, trying to make her mop presentable. Jameka goes to help her, while Amber whines about how she misses Dustin. Jameka says “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and right on cue, Amber asks what that means. Jameka explains to the clueless one. This girl doesn’t need a bible, she needs a dictionary. Amber says that she wants to go to a red carpet event for her trip. Does Chuck E. Cheese have red carpets?

Pay attention, there may be a quiz:

Dick was going to squirt chocolate syrup on Jen’s bed, but he restrained himself.

Amber thinks her boyfriend might propose to her after the show. Everybody all together now: HA!

Jen says Big Brother is hurting her career. Which one is that, topless mechanical bull rider or half-naked bikini model?

Amber loves her cheapo Wal-Mart earrings, even though they give her oozing ear infections.

Eric really, really doesn’t like that Jessica smokes. Just like she probably doesn’t like that weird eyebrow thing he does, so whatever.

Jen comes in to primp and tries to make small talk while Jameka mmmhmms Amber’s ratnest, but they ignore Jen’s attempts. Very Christian-like. Jen tells them that BB is hurting her career as an actress and leaves the room. Zach then does a drive-by, making some inane comment about hair salons which is also ignored. He’s used to it by now. He gets them back by going to do his business in the bathroom, stinking it up. And he doesn’t wash his hands, either. So there!

78 hours later, Amber’s Medusa-do is complete and Jameka escapes to the backyard with Jen. Jen tries to converse, but Jameka can only eke out half-hearted “mmhmms” in response. Jen thinks there has to be another twist this season. Mmmhmm. Jen is pissed that she was talked into keeping Dick around. Mmmhmm. Riveting stuff. It’s either this or listening to Jessica crunch ice and watch Amber paint her nasty toes. What to do, what to do.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm nuts.

Later, after being reminded for the gazillionth time that BB told them it would be up to 48 hours til their trip, Amber is worrying that they won’t take them out of the house tonight. No vocabulary and no concept of time, either. She wants to eat, but wants to hold off in case they have to leave. Dick tells her that they have slop to go, but she’s not amused. Daniele and Amber were told that it would be an overnight trip and that they should bring a jacket, but Amber doesn’t have one. Jen to the rescue! She loans Amber a jacket even though the girls have been nasty to her. I wouldn’t loan her a used tissue, but that’s just me.

Jen goes to the HoH room and asks Daniele straight-up why she nominated her. Dani squirms and says “like” a lot, but eventually spills that Jen is her biggest competition and she has lots of money anyway. Jen asks why Daniele didn’t just come and talk to her. Daniele says that she was told Jen was plotting against them before, but Jen denies it and tells Dani that she’ll see the truth when she watches the show later.

Psst, Amber - 1993 called, it wants it's hair back!

Just in case someone might have an independent thought in the house, the Diary Room people are at it again, coaching Dick on what to say. A female voice is clearly heard saying “Okay. So if you could just tell me that last week Eric saved you from eviction because you and Daniele make a deal with him and Jessica to go to the final four.” Dick says exactly that, but they’re having recording problems and we get flushed before we hear the rest of it. Nice, guys. A pox on you all for screwing with my favorite show.

I could bore you with hours worth of coma-inducing non-conversation by the hamsters, such as beef stroganoff recipes, split ends, Zach’s fraternity stories and Dick’s gaseous expulsions, but I won’t. Let’s get to the good stuff! Sometime around 8-9pm, Daniele and Amber were shuffled off to wherever via the Diary Room. We are now officially Amber-less until tomorrow! Woohoo! Jen, not at all pleased about being backdoored, mopes around and starts packing some of her things in bags. The others are sitting in the backyard talking trash about her because she’s been “slamming” drawers and acting loopy. Jen walks outside to join them, asking what they’re up to. Dick tells her that they were discussing her erratic behavior. Jen gives them a blank look, says “okay,” and goes back inside. Say it with me now: Awkward!

Jen had told the others that if she gets booted this week, she’ll just go home and refuse to go to sequester. She’s also threatened to eat regular food, even though she’s on slop. Jen’s had enough of these idiots, apparently - the chocolate chips are about to hit the fan! She goes into one of the bedrooms, nabs about 4 or 5 cartons of Dick’s cigarettes, and takes them to the storage room where she proceeds to rip, stomp, and pour bleach on them in the trash can. BB freaks out and interrupts her before she can trash them all, calling her to the DR. She’s in there a while.

Thou shalt not kick another houseguest's ass for eating....

Dick wanders inside, sees a lot of Jen’s stuff gone, and assumes that she’s left the house. Jessica and Zach are happy at the thought. Not sure, Dick goes on a Jen hunt, but she’s nowhere to be found. Yet. Dick starts nervousing, and thinks that he better hide his cigs from the psycho Jen just in case. Too late, Dicky D. They're gone. He bellows that BB had better remedy the situation (and really, who wants to watch this guy go through nicotine withdrawal?), then he finds some of Jen’s hidden bags and carts them off to the HoH room, which he locks up. Dick is then called to the DR, and we get Boring Trivia. Seems like BB told Dick that it’s cool to hide things, but not to destroy things.

And here comes Jen.

Dick follows her around, asking about his cigarettes and telling her that he has her clothes. She doesn’t answer. He says he made a deal not to go off on her, and now she does this? He eventually finds the three cartons that she didn’t have time to destroy, and goes on one of his name-calling rants. She wants her clothes back, but Dick says no way. Jen is pissed. She says “that’s f***ed up, BB” if Dick gets his cigs replaced but she can’t have her clothes. Off to the DR she goes.

Annnnd she’s out. And still mad as a wet cat. She claims that BB told her she could trash the cigarettes. They lied to her, and now she’s going to eat, slop be damned. She chows down on a turkey burger, apple and cottage cheese. A healthy rebellion, but a rebellion nonetheless. Jameka brings the crying Jen tissues and tries to convince her not to eat the food, but Jen’s having none of it. Dick, after hiding his stuff in the HoH room, comes down to bash on Jen some more. He lights up and blows smoke in her face, and she tries to smack the cigarette from his hand. He says “don’t f***ing touch me!” but she does it again. BB tries to lay the smackdown and we get flushed again. We come back to Jen crying and Dick still taunting. Eric says “51 days and finally, a good Showtime episode!” Zach corrects him, saying it’s been 52 days. Shut up, Zach.

Bite me, BB!

America’s Dork seems to be jealous of the attention Dick and Jen are getting. “I’ve been in a dress, I’ve been naked two times, I’ve been painted and I still can’t get any airtime!” He then comments to Jessica that they could have sex right now and still not get any airtime. Dude, you’re not getting any. Give it up. Dick continues being foul to Jen, finally giving the four letter words a rest and going to the HoH room. Eric and Jessica cook in the hot tub. No idea where Zach is, probably having one of his “power dumps.” Jameka tries to talk to Jen, giving disapproving mmmhmms while listening to Jen explain her actions.

Dick has stewed long enough. He goes to the DR, yells “I have issues!” and they let him in. Yes, yes you do, Dick. What was he complaining about, you ask? They gave him the wrong brand of cigarettes as replacements for the ones Jen destroyed. Holy hell.

Going on this show was such a bad, bad idea.

Really, they should just install a revolving door in the DR. Jen goes in again, then comes out with the news that she has a penalty nomination for eating. If by some chance she’s still around next week, she’s automatically nominated. And can’t play for POV, either. Dick laughs. And laughs and laughs, and laughs some more. Eric stuffs ice down his pants to try and get attention. It doesn’t work.

Jen goes to read the BB rule book again, while the boys outside are pondering the idea of dumping Jameka this week since Jen is an automatic nominee next week. Hmm. Not sure if they’re seriously considering this or what. Jameka and Jessica wonder if Jen is a paid actress, put in the house to stir the pot. Jen continues to eat (cucumbers, cookies and apples) as Eric and Zach play with the huge chess set outside. They eventually wind down and wander off to bed after much discussion of Jen’s penalty nomination and weird behavior. One interesting note, Dick sleeps in the HoH room. Looks like big bad Jen chased him out of the bedroom downstairs. Hee. Sometime during the night, Eric had a little fun under the covers all by his lonesome. Did we vote on this? Either way, Howie would be proud.

All is quiet in hamsterville the next morning. Dick gets up first, puffs a cigarette, hacks up some phlegm and tells us “Well America, if you didn’t tune in yesterday you missed a good show. The biggest f***ing meltdown in the history of this show.” He laughs, and requests Tom Petty’s “Breakdown” as the morning wake up song. It would suit them all, I think.