"Conjoined Fetus Lady" is the fifth episode of the second season of the animated television series South Park, and the 18th episode of the series overall. "Conjoined Fetus Lady" originally aired in the United States on June 3, 1998 on Comedy Central.

Pip, the English exchange student is tired of being picked on. He hits Kyle with a ball during dodgeball, giving him a nose bleed. A terrified Kyle is sent to Nurse Gollum, the South Park Elementary nurse, only to discover that she has a dead fetus attached to her head, due to a condition called "conjoined twin myslexia" (which is fictional but similar to a parasitic twin). Kyle tells the others and they react in disgust. Upon hearing about this and the boys making fun of her, Kyle's mom Sheila sits the boys down and informs them about Nurse Gollum's condition: when a set of twins forms in the womb but one dies. She tells them that sometimes the dead twin is inside the live one, (a real disorder called fetus in fetu) so each one of the boys might actually have a dead twin that they do not know about. This horrifies Stan and Cartman who run away screaming; Kenny, however, is unfazed and merely laughs. An irate Sharon Marsh calls Sheila on the phone and asks if she has any idea why Stan is trying to split his head open with an ice pick to "get it out." Sheila then explains that she was trying to explain to them the concept of twins; Sharon then tells her that she should kill herself via standing in the middle of a road if she ever tries to scare her son. Sheila, in order to remedy the unawareness apparent in people of conjoined twin myslexia, decides to help the woman, although Gerald's Freudian slips serve only to make the issue worse, and winds up causing a "Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week" declared in South Park for its sole sufferer.

Meanwhile, the school dodgeball team becomes eligible for competitions, and goes on to fight the State Competition in Denver. In the match, Denver is expected to win because they always beat other Colorado teams. South Park ends up winning because Pip becomes filled with rage whenever kids incorrectly call him "French", giving him the strength to take down the other team. The team takes advantage of this anger as a result. In the National competition, the Washington, D.C. team forfeits because of their fear of the inevitable international opponent, China (who are brutal and merciless at dodgeball). In China, South Park discovers the Chinese kids to be unstoppable, and the team is crushed (Kenny is literally crushed by a dodgeball) until Pip is the only one left on their team.

Pip, however, manages to win when Kevin (a teammate with Chinese parents) tricks the Chinese into calling him French; he single-handedly annihilates the entire Chinese team with one throw, but by this point everyone has decided they do not want to play dodgeball anyway and he gets no credit for it and they all tell him to shut up. Back home, the townspeople have donned hats that make them appear to have fetuses on their heads and also read "Go Cows" (the South Park Elementary team), held a parade for Nurse Gollum, and videotaped her constantly. She calls them all a bunch of freaks before she angrily declares that she does not want any extra attention or special treatment, and that by doing so they make her feel singled out. She says she only wants to be harassed and ridiculed just like everybody else in the town and storms away. Principal Victoria and Sheila decide that she is "an ungrateful bitch", but Stan and Kyle begin to question if the fetus actually makes her smarter; Cartman then says "I love you guys." to them, but upon their surprised reaction, he then says, "Ah, screw you guys!"