Tuesday, 11 May 2010

i have cancer

It hit me today that I have cancer. My doc came over n confirmed the results and just waiting for last results to know at what stage. I see all near and dear breaking down yet I shed a tear hear and there for 2 seconds..

On friday the professor called me at home n had to tell me over phone. I was shocked n cried while talking to him. I felt I had it but told myself am just being pessimistic but when heard him say it in plain english it shocked me. I told mother while on phone to him n u can imagine what she went through. I shut the phone got up while extremely dizzy took out Quran and read Yasin while crying and eating a banana!!! Why the banana I do NOT know!! Mind u I don't even like them n eat 1 once a year..

Since then it hasn't sunk in but today it did. I have Cancer. A disease that in some cases could be fatal. There is so much I haven't done yet.. I have cancer.. I have cancer. Cancer is poisoning my body. I don't want it I don't want it I want it out of my body ;(

I came back from my scan today the 1 which will tell them how much it has spread and started weeping like a child and still am. 2 nurses came over and each sat by my side and tried to calm me down bs mako fayda.. No amount of compassion or love in this world will make my cancer go away.. I have cancer and I will start chemo soon and I already wish I was dead. Ya rabi er7amny..

21 comments:

I've been reading your blog silently for a while now.. and I'm pretty sure you can beat this! No matter how hard no matter how painful walaah you can beat it! It won't be easy bas tara all this fighting your doing? Ga3d yaksebech ajer 3atheem 3nd rabich be sure of that! I'll be waiting for the victory post and until then I'm expecting many very long te7el6em posts ;p !Ps; I'll pray for you who ever you mite be ;p ;*-H

i dont know how much it spread..but b strong for the sake of urself..i will give u a piece of advice..i know that a person should reach out to god before medicine..do that..read koran, istakhdimi il6ib ilnabawi..read bout this stuff..and i swear u will b more optimistic bout the whole thing..do wat i say plus 3ilaj ilmustashfa..both with the prayers of the ones beside u inshallh u will win over this thing..i really feel for u..and i dont blame u one bit for the shock ..we all hear bout this happenin to people not thinkin that it may one day b us goin thru it..inshallah inshallah inshalllah ta3afain mina..o tathkireen hl ayam 3ugub as memories, bad ones maybe good if u gain something out of them..**hugs**

Matshoofeen shar dear! I'm a stranger that doesn't really know you well, I have visited your blog a few times, but this really breaks my heart!

You seem to be a really strong girl and even though you are feeling weak and hopeless it's normal to feel that after such a diagnosis. But you are still the same strong girl you were, ma tighayartay, so dig up that strong personality and let it fight.

With cancer it's all about being hopeful, strong, and having the right mentality. You have to make it your mission to fight this, you can do it! No matter what stage they tell you, no matter how far it spread, ma 3alaich , you can fight it!

Ba3dain 6ab3an rub il3alameen ma3ach, kil ilnas ily ga3da tad3eelach ib thahar ilghaib da3wat'hum kiliha biyistijeebha raby inshallah. Fa you are not alone, think of it chinnich ga3da tamsheen oo a FourMe army yamshy warach. You are not fighting this alone, we are all with you!

ur previous post 3awwar galby and i started crying :'( wa3laya allah eshafeech we5afif 3anich it must be very difficult, reading it made me cry 3ayal enty shetgoleen :'( you're very brave, i pray for you everyday and i will le lamman et9ereen zaina enshallah

i spent more than 20 min staring at the keyboard thinking about something to say.. i know nothing i can say will make it feel better for u.. bs u should know enna u r a strong woman and i truely beleive enna u have it in u to face it and never give up hope =*

The survival rate is generally 90% or higher when the disease is detected during early stages, making it one of the more curable forms of cancer.[4] Hodgkin's lymphoma is one of the handful of cancers that, even in its later stages, has a very high cure rate, in the 90s.[5] Most patients who are able to be successfully treated and thus enter remission generally go on to live long lives

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The Cancer Chant..I Will Rant

Cancer I did not give you the right,To invade my body and take a bite.This is my body and with all my might,I will prevail with one hell of a fight.To the cancer inside, I will battle and kill.For that is my body's God given will.To my cancer, these words I do send.Your life is short and near the end.