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Let’s Play a Game of Chicken

It’s been those days where its just one let down after another, and you know the right people are finally in your life to help you get out. Yet you are too afraid to say anything because you’re scared that thier perspective of them will change, you’ll be seen as an “untouchable”.

Well, that is how my life has been lately, just slowly shrinking and falling down. Just how dominoes work, one falls into the next. Well where is the end of this chain? Where is that sun at the end of the tunnel with the fresh air? I can step out and just breathe, and it will be so sweet and wonderful.

I feel like I was getting there slowly, I was just getting back to me and I was happy, I finally found what I needed. And it’s so crazy! So insane how fast things can change and make you feel like shit. I just didn’t think, perhaps that is my fault, for being foolish and ignorant, thinking like that invincible girl. I am not though, I am not indestructible, not made of steel or stone.

I am human.

Realizing I am human, perhaps is something we forget, we always think we are more than what we actually are. So we indulge ourselves and we become selfish and mindless, I suppose like our own “zombie” race. We have the mindset that we can rule the world, so we play with death thinking we will out run him, out smart him, and be able to hide from him, we play chicken.

Each time, I played chicken.

I need to change things, take control more, take a step back from the speeding highway. I finally met people, and they’re amazing. I laugh and feel great, there is a sense of acceptance and no worries. There the goofy moments and pranks and outings, the weekend random plans. It’s fantastic, it is what I was looking for, and I found it. I suppose when you take a step forward, there is always two steps back.

I can’t let silly past mistakes hold me back from heading towards what I want. I just don’t know sometimes what I want, where I am heading towards. I don’t expect myself to know, I just need to know that I am happy and living the best I can.
So I suppose I can end this on a positive note;