The Random

This Mother’s Day, my sweet family bought me this plaque. For a while now, thankfully, I’ve felt visible. I can’t help but be reminded of how many times I felt invisible.

Mothering is hard. We can wrap it all up in a cheesy commercial, but the bare truth is: guiding a human being from point A to point B is the work of a lifetime. So, today, on Mother’s Day, know that you ARE seen.

I wrote this a few years ago after seeing a mom in Target having what had to be a really tough day in the parenting trenches. I remember when Girl and Boy were little, and how hard it was sometimes. If you’re struggling to be a parent, remember – I see you. And that means you’re not alone.

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I See You

I see you, when I’m at Target, or the grocery store. The tired look in your eyes, the kids screaming or carrying on in your cart, and the barely successful effort at smiling. Or at least not bursting into tears, or snapping at the nearest person in your vicinity.

I see you, weighed down by your mind, sometimes your body, and the relentlessness of being a mom. And it IS relentless. It’s day, it’s night, around the clock. You’re wondering where you went. You’re wondering when you disappeared, as you navigate the aisles of the store, fending off your child’s case of “I-want-itis.”

You love them, of course. But sometimes, you just don’t know what to do or how.

I’ve also looked into the chasm between what you thought it would be like and what it is.

I see you, because sometimes, I AM you. Sometimes I’m so physically exhausted I can’t see straight. Sometimes I’m so mentally exhausted I can’t feel straight. And sometimes I’m angry. Sometimes, I’m angry at them for their inability to control themselves: their hands, bodies, voices, emotions. Sometimes I’m angry at myself for thinking, “I just want to be away from them for a little while.” I see that in you, too. I know that question you keep asking yourself over and over again: “Wasn’t I supposed to love this all the time? What’s wrong with me that I don’t?”

There’s nothing wrong with you. You get up everyday, you kiss them and love on them, even when it’s hard on you. Eventually, they do love you back.

But please know: I see you. And if I see you, you’re not alone, and that means neither am I. Happy Mother’s Day. It can be happy. Just hold on.

Can you find my keys?

There was an event in our lives back in 2008 I like to call The Great Key Incident. We went to a Christmas tree farm, happy little family that we are, to pick out and cut our own tree. Typical Pacific Northwest winter adventure. And then…

Capt lost our keys, out in the vast field filled with Noble firs and the sun setting quickly. Thus ensued an episode of, “Things That Only Happen to Us.” The tree farm employees helped us until it was around closing time and then they were all, “Ok! Shift is over! Good luck!” We never found our keys. Good friends who were willing to drive to our house, open our garage, dig through our junk drawer, find our second set of keys, and then drive to the tree farm rescued us.

Did I mention Boy Child was only two at the time? Ya. Good times.

Tile Bluetooth Tracker Review:

Here’s where we all say, “Yay! Technology!” Check out this little Bluetooth gadget. Small, durable, and not just for keys. (Sew it to the inside of your kid’s pants?) The most obvious choice for us, obviously, was to put it on my key ring.

Setup

Download the Tile app, available on both iPhone and Android platforms, and create an account. The app is free, with nice and simple instructions on setting up and pairing the Tile with your phone. You don’t have to go to your phone’s Bluetooth settings, you can pair it within the app itself. It took less than five minutes for me to have it up and running.

Using it

There is a List view and a Map view. See your item on a map, or simply use the list. Once paired with your phone, it can also find your phone. No FindMyiPhone required. What that means is the Tile is mutli-functional; it’s not simply a one-function, one-item “find it” locator. I love that. Here are the basics:

Finding your item with the Tile attached:

Open the app. There you see a list of Tile connections you’ve created after pairing.

Tap what you are looking for (your phone, keys – whatever you’ve named your Tiled item)

Tap “Find” on the next screen

A sound will emit from the Tile and there you are. Follow the sound, find your item.

Finding your phone:

Simply do the reverse: Press the “e” on your Tile, and it will ring your phone. That easy.

Summary:

Handy little gadget, multiple applications for use, and really simple. There are other features, such as crowd sourcing your Tiled item by allowing it to be “seen” (on a map) by other Tile users, add multiple Tiles to the app for different items, and even press the Tile’s “e” button to make an audible noise while you are out and about. A good safety feature. The Tile Bluetooth Tracker is available at AT&T Wireless for $25 for one, or $70 for a 4-pack. Enjoy knowing where your stuff is.

Read Watch Listen Ignore

Read:

How many times have you said “I’m sorry” instead of “thank you?” “I’m sorry” is a reflex for a lot of women. We’re taught to be self-deprecating, minimizing compliments, etc. What if, when someone tells us they like our sweater, we say “thank you” instead of “Oh, this old thing?” This author makes a really strong point about not deflecting praise. Read the point he makes about what to say when you run late. (Hint: it’s not “I’m sorry.” *I KNOW*) Oh, and when you’re comforting, guess what not to say? (HINT: “he’s in a better place,” or “At least _____” <— Big fat no)

Watch:

John Oliver keeps hitting every single thing he chooses to deconstruct out of the park. I loved this piece on credit reporting. (*runs off to check our reports….)

Listen:

Barns Courtney, Fire. Ooh this is a good song. He looks like a teenager, so that means I could easily be his mom, but whatever. That’s something I have to get used to. In my brain I’m perpetually about 27. Sadly, I am not. Anyway, this kid’s fantastic. Take a listen:

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As long as we’re on the subject of cars and tech goodness for them, I was ALSO able to try and review the Cobra JumPack – a battery pack jump starter. I was really interested in this product because if you’re ever stuck on the road with a dead battery, you wouldn’t have to depend on anyone else to help you – your phone is charged and you can jump start your car by yourself.

Cobra JumPack Battery Pack Jump Starter

Photo: AT&T Wireless

This product appealed to me right away, largely because I’m staring at the age my teenage daughter will start to learn how to drive. Capt and I agree there are certain life skills that are absolutely necessary for our kids to have before they leave home; knowing how to jump start your car is one of them. I always carry jumper cables in my car, but the problem with that is the fact that you have to rely on someone else – frequently a stranger – to help you get your car started again in the event of a dead battery. The thought of my teenage daughter, or my currently-driving teenage nieces relying on random person in a parking lot to help them get their car started appeals to me not even a little. Not a bit. No.

I also see how Girl Child drains the battery on her phone with all her favorite apps and such. That’s one reason why we bought her a battery phone case; so she would have a battery boost in case she needed it. Because this product also charges your USB device, that is another potential problem this product solves.

We made sure we brought it with us on our recent road trip to visit my brother and his family:

Don’t leave home without it.

What’s in the Box:

The battery unit, a car power adapter cord, jumps, and a standard USB cord for charging the battery. Sorry, iPhone users – this one is BYOC (Bring Your Own Cord) for charging your phone.

Product specs:

Jump-start your car multiple times on one charge

360A Peak Current

2.4A USB output for rapid charging of mobile devices

Convenient built-in LED flashlight

Jumper cables included

We opened the box, charged up the main unit (required) and had no trouble powering up our devices. When we took our trip to visit my brother, I pitched this product to him, as his daughters are drivers and have their own cars. He loved the idea. See? Tech meets safety meets life skills. The Cobra JumPack battery pack jump starter is available at AT&T Wireless for $99.00.

Speaking of Life Skills:

It’s never too early to learn.

Remember kids: negative to negative, positive to ground.

Thank you Andy Colley at AT&T Wireless for this fantastic product.

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At the end of January, I attended a event hosted by AT&T Wireless all about Connected Cars. It was awesome. Afterward, I got in my old 2003 SUV and thought, “blah.” I think it’s time for my old SUV, that we call “Beastie,” to learn a few new tech tricks. Here’s what I got to learn about in the world of connected cars.

Connected Cars

Auto makers are increasingly partnering with technology and wireless companies like AT&T to make their cars connected, safer, and better. Imagine all the accidents prevented when your car corrects itself?

My fellow attendees and I were also given a tour of a sweet, brand new connected Volvo. It parks itself, you guys. I must own a car that parks itself because I’m not known for my parking prowess. It comes with a hot spot, GPS, sensors all over the car so you don’t hit anything or ANYONE, cameras on the back and sides, just everything cool about new car technology. Cars are rapidly becoming rolling homes.

Sigh. I mean, LOOK:

Some of the awesome features of this car include being able to switch from electric, gas, and hybrid on the fly, the ability to start the car from your phone, and “off-road mode which raises the car 1.5 inches, a 360 degree camera, sensors all the way around the car that will warn you if you are in a potential collision situation, and even cross traffic alerts. It’s like your driving brain. And as I mentioned above, it can park for you, too, which, let’s face it, I NEED DESPERATELY. Volvo worked with AT&T and integrated a hot spot in this car, and it allows you to connect up to eight devices, unlimited data, for $230 a year. So much awesome. I love this car so much.

I would love to buy one, but the fact is, that gorgeous car isn’t in our budget at the moment.

So here I am in my 2003 SUV with a just-ok aftermarket stereo dreaming of a new car. Enter:

Old car new Tech: Teaching the ol’ Beastie Some new car Stuff.

Andy Colley at AT&T Wireless was kind enough to offer me a few products to try so I can tech out my old auto. One is the ZTE Mobley mobile hot spot device. You guys. I love this. The kids love this. Here’s how easy it was to install:

Turn your car on, let it run for about 30 seconds, and then add it through your phone’s wifi connection.

Set up and go. It connects up to five devices. No more complaining from Boy Child that he can’t connect his wifi-only tablet while we’re out and about, and no more draining my phone by using it as a hot spot. The real test came, though, when Girl Child and I went on a road trip to visit my brother. Streaming city, baby. No dropped internet. My 80’s Spotify playlist got a workout. This is worth it. When I review products I do my best to be honest and disclose if there’s anything I’ve found not-so-awesome about it, but I had this up and going in less than five minutes and it hasn’t stopped working since. It’s a solid little piece of equipment that is perfect for road trips, long commutes, and car offices. If you want to take advantage of this cool device, AT&T is offering it for free with a 2-year commitment.

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to test these products out. It’s been fantastic. Thank you, AT&T!

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Remembering Postpartum Depression

We were digging through a drawer looking for something in our bedroom this weekend, and underneath the junk in the junk drawer, a piece of paper with my handwriting on it caught my eye. I didn’t recognize the paper at first, so I couldn’t remember how it got there or what was written on it.

I pulled it out of the drawer and then sunk down to the bed when I saw the date: 8/1/03.

I knew exactly what was on it. A long-ago forgotten letter I had written to myself when our daughter was 11 months old. This was during the peak of my lingering bout of postpartum depression. All the feeling I poured out into this letter is totally foreign to me now. And yet, at the same time, achingly familiar.

“8/1/03

It’s been a really long time since I kept a journal. I started on my first journal (that were written in non-third grader complete sentences) here in 1986. I was 16. I kept them for several years – through college and even a little beyond, but stopped in about 1995. I just lost the desire to write about my life. When I look back on those journals, especially the early ones, I kind of laugh. It was pretty much all about boys. I wrote down poems that I liked, and song lyrics, too. Sometimes other writers could express the feelings that I was feeling.

A LOT has changed since I last kept a journal. It’s some of these changes that are compelling me to start again. I’m married to a wonderful man, and we have a little girl. She will be one in three weeks. To say that becoming a mother has changed our lives is probably the understatement of the century. I knew that I wanted a child, but I was unprepared for the rigors of what being a parent entails. It’s changed everything. I love my daughter more than anything. She is so beautiful and sweet natured. What I’m struggling with right now is that I feel somewhat like I’ve lost a sense of myself. I’m not working right now – I’ve taken the last year off. I’m finding that my days stretch out in front of me. As much as I hate to admit this, being with her is boring for me sometimes. I crave company.

Here’s the problem: I don’t have a job to focus on, I’m not a big hobby person, and I’m finding it difficult to NOT feel sort of lost. [My husband] has hobbies that take him away from home, like waterskiing, golf, etc. I don’t. I like to exercise, and want to focus on that, but I have to find childcare, which is a big pain. Juggling her schedule can be tough, too. I look at these obstacles and talk myself out of doing things that make me more ME. The weight of the responsibility feels very heavy.”

What I couldn’t find the words for, or maybe couldn’t handle seeing written on black and white, was the conflict I could feel tearing me apart inside. I had everything I had ever wanted, really. Why did I feel so trapped and heavy? Why did I feel so sad?

Shortly after writing this, I basically hit bottom. I went for several days either crying or nearly crying. I had intrusive thoughts about escaping. I knew I needed help, so I made an appointment with my doctor. I told her, weeping, “I have everything I’ve ever wanted. Why do I feel like this?” She handed me a tissue and told me, “Because you’re depressed, and it’s not your fault.” We talked some more, and then I agreed to start taking antidepressant medication and come back for follow-up.

Within a few weeks, the fog had begun to lift, and I started to make a plan. I realized that prior to the medication, I wasn’t even able to make a plan. I was stuck.

How did I get myself back? Medication, more exercise, a part-time job that involved doing something I used to love but had lost in the preceding years (singing) and that’s what started the slow but steady climb out. Looking back, I know that it was the combination of those things that began my rise out of the dark.

Thirteen years later, sitting on the edge of my bed remembering the pain in my words, I got a sense of just how far I had come. The next years weren’t without setbacks, to be sure, but I am healed. I may have times of sadness and depression again, but the difference today is that I know what to do about it: lean on my tribe. Take action. Ask for help. Reclaim something that I enjoy. Ignore the voice in my head lying to me, telling me “I can’t.”

I can. And I did.

If you’re reading this and think you may need some help, you’re not alone. Here is a link to resources. Please reach out. You are NOT “crazy” and there is help.

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Is it me, or did this Christmas sneak up on you, too? I swear, yesterday was Halloween. Capt and I have been furiously texting back and forth on what to get the family, and it occurred to me that a few of these might be really handy for YOU, too. So, here’s a two post run down of some of the items I was able to review this year that I think would make awesome last minute gifts. Best part? Still available to reach you before Christmas.

I was provided with this super-cool iPhotoFlash from The Hoffman Agency to try out and review. Thank you!

Seriously awesome. Easy stocking stuffer. If you have limited storage on your iPhone, this is fantastic. It has a lightning connector on one side, USB on the other. I recently changed to a new computer, and using this drive, I was able to quickly and painlessly transfer the files I needed from one computer to the new one. In this scenario, the drive worked exactly like a USB key.

Screen capture of the app

For using with your iPhone or iPad, there is an app needed, available for free from the App Store. The great thing about this little device is simply how many formats it can support, including music, photos, video, zip, Drive, Dropbox, and iCloud, It can also back up your photos, Dropbox, Facebook albums, Tumblr, and Drive. We have 16 gig iPhones. Girl Child loves to take videos and burst selfies. (Typical Gen-Z, I guess) and she is able to take photos off her phone to the PhotoMax to keep from filling up her iPhone’s storage. Recently, at one of Girl Child’s vocal performances, we were able to take a video, transfer it to the PhotoFast, delete it off the phone to make room for more. Another very cool feature I like is the ability to load music onto your iPhotoFlash, connect it to your iPhone or iPad, and then play it without hogging up space.

Bluetooth and Back To School

I’ve always looked at Bluetooth headphones and wondered how they would work, if I could run with them, and if they might be helpful for Girl Child in her school work. I can wonder no more!

The Product:

LG Wireless Tone Headphones:

I was provided a pair of LG Wireless TonePros for review. They’re really nice looking, first of all. Pretty discreet, too. It may be a status thing to wear gigantor, over-the-ear headphones, but where on earth do you store them when you’re on the go? These have a low profile, in-ear, cushioned ear buds, and they’re portable. They came with a few different sizes of ear bud cushions for comfort and sizing. I have a hard time with those sometimes, and so does Girl Child. They come in several colors, including the standard black and white. The pair I got are dark pink. Snazzy. I’ve seen them in green, blue, red, etc.

The controls are on the part of the headset that sits around your neck. You can click on the silver strip and answer your phone, summon Siri if you have an iPhone (Siri and I are not currently on speaking terms, but if you are in a steady, mutually beneficial relationship with her – more power to you.)

My favorite feature is the magnetic docks for the ear buds. They don’t have to trail behind you when you aren’t plugged in. Check it out:

Connecting and Pairing and Running OH MY!

I was hooked up and ready to roll within two minutes after they were charged. The first thing I wanted to do was find out if I could run comfortably in them. I was unsure because they sit on your neck near your collarbone, which, if you’re running can be really annoying. I was pleasantly surprised. They didn’t bounce on my neck, making me insane. Plus, it was really nice not to be tethered to my phone with the chord. So, for running, I like them – comfortable, non-bouncy, great sound, chord free.

School Use

One of the biggest reasons I wanted to test these out is because Girl Child has a provision in her 504 plan that allows her to bring her own headphones for activities that involve the use of the school’s technology. Girl Child’s middle school is a 1:1 iPad school – meaning each student is provided with an iPad for use during the school year. She has had a few incidences of using the school’s over-the-ear headphones that proved to be really uncomfortable and potentially harmful to her prosthetic ear. I thought this would be a great solution – the headphones pair easily, they are compact and easy to transport, and my daughter, who is hard of hearing on one side, can use them for the side that she can hear out of.

We paired the LG Wireless Tone headphones with her iPhone and they worked great:

The Summary:

Really easy to use, setup, and they are portable. I personally hate being tethered with headphone chords, so this is a nice alternative. I couldn’t really find any specific critique about these headphones. I thought they were comfortable, easy to use, they stayed in my ears while I was running, they sound great, and my daughter likes them. They fit well with her headphone requirements for school. Win.

The ZTE Spro 2: What is it?

The ZTE Spro 2 is an Android-powered portable projector. It has a small footprint, so it’s easy to transport. The unit also includes a hotspot, Wifi, a 5″ touch screen and it’s own carrying case. It gives you media at your fingertips for presentations, and decently easy on the wallet for $359.99 with a 2-year contract. I mentioned it to a friend of mine who runs a non-profit called Music Workshop and she thought it sounded really useful to her. If she can present her video-based program to a potential donor with the help of this handy tool, all the better.

Our interest in the item was strictly entertainment. It’s summer, the weather has been hot, and we thought it would be a great opportunity to have some of the kid’s friends over for an outdoor movie night. My husband, whom you all know as “The Capt.” and I spent the evening before our event getting it set up and ready, testing it out, using the side of our house as a movie screen.

It. Was. Awesome.

Plugged in, powered on, ready to connect.

Simple setup. It took us probably seven minutes, tops, to get it up and running. We connected it to our home WiFi. Yes, our network name is Man and WiFi. Capt is clever like that.

Next up, time and date, etc.

If you look at the time stamps on the screen in the upper right hand corner, you can see how quickly this got set up. From 10:27 to 10:35, and we were ready to rock.

Main media screen

We then added the Netflix app from the Google Play store and downloaded it to the unit. If you look closely at the picture, you have a mess of options – streaming from YouTube, access to Drive for presentations, and even games. Imagine Minecraft projected on a large wall. The kids would go nuts.

ta da! Streaming.

I logged in, done. Movies at our fingertips. Being able to add apps and stream from WiFi is what makes this stand out. This isn’t your old 80’s movie projector. (Tell me I’m not the only one who remembers them? Please?)

The night of our event, the kids all gathered around outside and watched Earth To Echo, one of Boy Child’s favorites.

Summary:

When I review a product, I make every effort to be honest. I add pros and cons, and make certain I’m not just blowing sunshine.

I really don’t have any cons with this one. It worked perfectly and was easy to setup.

One note: I didn’t attempt to use the hotspot feature, so I don’t have good info on how that would work in a setting where it is necessary.

It’s not too late, and it’s still really hot, so get out and enjoy! The ZTE Spro 2 has applications for home and work, and is a really good price with the two-year activation and the $50 off online order promotion. Check it out.

A big thank you so Andy Colley of AT&T Wireless for loaning me the unit. It was a lot of fun and our family loved having it.

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Standing by the sink, water running, dishes overflowing onto the counter, I felt physically sick. Not because of the dried up nasty that awaited, but because this household task was getting the better of me. My brain screamed, “I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN TODAY. OR TOMORROW.”

Serve humbly where you are.

Several years ago, I was working part time at a place where one of the full-time employees was really unhappy with the way things were going. She and I were talking, and she said “I just need to tell myself ‘serve humbly where you are.’ I have a job and a lot to be thankful for.”

It’s a simple statement that took root in my mind and altered my attitude toward tasks many consider drudgery, and situations that make a person feel trapped and stuck.

I will never, ever forget it. “Serve humbly where you are.” There is something about repeating it in my head that opens up a hole in the dark and lets light seep in; when I feel overwhelmed, when I have a burning desire to escape whatever task is waiting for me that I dread. I repeat it in my head when I begin to think to myself, “If I have to ______ one more time, I might implode.” I stop myself before I go reeling to the light-less place of self-pity and think: Serve humbly where you are.

The dishes are part of a bigger picture. The non-stop bickering of my kids is a link in a long chain. The bills, the yard, the mortgage, the car….they’re all part of a life we have built; a life that requires maintenance.

A beautiful life requires the ugly – but momentary – task of taking stinky garbage out to the curb and scrubbing the toilet. Because when I dig in and do what needs to be done, I’m providing my beautiful life the maintenance it requires.