Stories and thoughts about the many life experiences of a crippled kid with editorial comments from the dogs. The stories are in no particular order, therefore, unorganized.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

So . . . . . .I Was Just Thinking

WARNING-This communication may be offensive to some, many or all.-WARNING

While traveling the Interstate-10 in Phoenix I spied an electronic billboard. An ad for Abel's Funeral Services appeared and it was advertising a complete cremation for $586.25. So . . . .I was just thinking how much does a partial cremation cost and what part?

As I was sharing my thoughts with the "family" about the difference between a complete cremation and a partial cremation, I also explained my dilemma about my funeral plans. I want my "sistahs" to scatter my ashes, and I want an extremely long funeral procession. I want to mess up traffic. I want to mess up traffic so much that my number one rule for my funeral is: There Shall Be NO Carpooling! I concluded that when the casket is open only the top half is open. So . . . . I was just thinking I could kill two birds with one stone. ( I know this is a bad cliche for this blog, but I figured I have already offended so many readers what the . h . . .oops, there goes another one.)

Then Ben, Janet's son, suggested that since I am such a fan of The Wizard of Oz, maybe I should switch things up, if you know what I mean. I wonder if one has a choice with a partial cremation. I wouldn't have to worry about an outfit for the funeral. So . . . . I was just thinking, striped socks and sparkly red shoes.

I know that many readers think I am disgusting and morbid, but I tried to warn everyone. First, Abel's Funeral Service should not have advertised a complete cremation. Second, I am fifty-five and my parents were told that I wouldn't live past the age of sixteen, so . . . . . . it is time I start thinking.

And a tiara!...That would make a lovely statement about your queenship over the years! and you always love a man in a uniform....Firetrucks and police cars would be nice in that LOOOONG precessional! I can out in a good word for you....if I 'm not already gone myself! You reminded me that I am five years OLDER than you...damn it! If I DO go before you, promise me you'll be my funeral coordinator! I want mine to be fun too! i love the way you think, my friend! You are a BRIGHT SPOT in this crazy world! We have to laugh at ourselves and at life in general to make our way THOUGH it!!! Hugs!!!!

Cathy! How could you?! Are you seriously thinking about taking Paco or Flip with you when you go?!?!?!?!

Okay, you definitely need to go with ruby slippers, but perhaps you could rock Glenda the Good Witch a little more than Wicked of the West...

Also, am wondering if Kevin and maybe some of your old "buds" from the Phoenix or Goodyear FD's could arrange a helluva procession. Also please know that, if you go first, Caren and I will carpool. I'm not gonna lie...and we can't do it alone. So, everyone else will have to drive separately.

If I go first, you are one of only about 5 people (aside from the priest and readers) that are allowed to speak at my funeral. Consider carefully what you will say... (Yes Caren, you are one of the other 4!!)

I love you very much and don't want to say good-bye anytime soon, so please take care of you!