Friday, July 1, 2011

Aching News: Al-Qaeda to float IPO, raise funds

In what is being dubbed as the first ever transaction of its kind, Al-Qaeda, the world's leading discretionary terror dissemination MNC, has decided to raise funds for expanding its activities through an IPO.

A spokesman for Al-Qaeda said "We believe investors worldwide are looking for newer avenues to put money in. We believe we have the right fundamentalists to attract investments. In the long term, we aim to be present across all components of the terror value chain, with best in class services. People are our biggest assets, with most of them being current assets"

Dim O'Meal, Head of Research of Goldie Gold Investment Bank, has a bullish view on the stock. "Our proprietary Stockwise Holistically Integrated Technicals (S.H.I.T) model suggests that the stock is a good defensive play to hedge downside risks for investors. The stock acts as a leading indicator of downturns in economic activity, for obvious reasons"

Chiina has already expressed support for the IPO. "It is a natural hedge for us to diversify out of our huge base of worthless US dollars. Between monetary terrorism and people terrorism, we have always preferred the latter"

Al-Qaeda is also considering issuing a convertible bond. The spokesman remarked "The structure of the convertible bond is quite simple. At the end of the maturity period, the investor either converts or gets redeemed..."