Sex guide likely to inflame PC brigade

Employers always complain that school leavers lack skills and are generally ignorant in the ways of the world.

But HR need worry no more – next year’s schoolies will have received a very, erm, rigorous education indeed.

Children as young as 14 are being taught how to ‘talk dirty’ and use clingfilm to avoid sexually transmitted diseases in a new book that has already sold 60,000 copies and is being used in sex education classes.

Some gems from the £4.50 manual include: “There’s no accounting for taste. Not everyone likes oral sex. Not everyone likes ham and cheese sarnies either.”

The handbook boasts that it offers the “answer to life, the universe and almost everything”, and that “this stuff’s far more useful to you (and more relevant) than all the subjects you’ll do in your exams”.

It goes into great detail about penis size and provides graphic details about gay sex. It is littered with cartoons and expressions such as “duh” to make it more accessible.

Perhaps parents could also use the guide to brush up on their seduction techniques. It recommends “sexual touching, talking dirty… even sexy e-mails and text messages as a warm-up to full-on intercourse”.

Guru has ordered a copy, purely to find out how sitting by a PC and typing e-mails can be weaved into foreplay.