Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI CAMPUS LIFE UPDATE

You may recall that several days ago this blog was relieved to note that a large crocodile had been removed from a lake at the University of Miami. But now we find that it was apparently part of some kind of crocodile fraternity.

NATIVITY SCENE UPDATE

HOLIDAY MIRACLE

As you recall, the miracle Virgin Mary grilled-cheese sandwich that was sold on eBay for $28,000 wound up being transported from Miami to Las Vegas by Herald columnist Jim DeFede. who chronicled the journey in his excellent blog, Follow the Cheese.

Well, on Saturday night the Miami Herald newsroom held its annual Holiday Party and Bad Dancing Festival, and Jim was there, and one of the hors d'oeuvres -- a grilled-cheese sandwich, as it happened -- had this strange pattern on it that could not be explained by the known laws of sandwich physics. See for yourself:

ATTENTION, MALE NERDS

HAMSTER ALCOHOLISM UPDATE

Hi Dave,

A couple months ago, I wrote you about male (Golden Syrian) hamster testicles being 2% of body weight. This has nothing to do with that, because a hamster doesn't have to have any testicles at all to like alcohol (ovaries are fine).

Given a choice between a 10% ethyl alcohol solution and water, a hamster will choose to drink the alcohol solution about 90% of the time. Or more. Eventually they drink nothing else. They will continue to drink some volume of alcohol solution even up to about 70% (almost whiskey strength) -- in fact, they will drink about the same absolute amount of alcohol although in much less volume.

What is maddening about all this is that the hamster's blood alcohol content barely even rises into the "drunk" range while they do this. For thirty years I have wanted a hamster liver grafted onto my own, but for some reason the medical elite do not see this as a pressing problem. All they have to solve are a few interspecies histocompatibility problems, but no, they want to cure cancer.

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

ADVISORY

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