We stumble, we trip, and we fall. We have to struggle, crawl, and claw our way forward sometimes. Thus we begin a new year. We cannot have success without failure, but that doesn’t mean the sting of failure doesn’t go away. I propose you struggle because you force yourself to grow.

Can you really be happy struggling?

Yes, I believe you can. I believe that you can feel pain but it doesn’t have to be a discomfort. Your thoughts decide if someone is going to be a discomfort. If you choose to allow yourself to succumb to the pain of struggle then you will feel discomfort. We don’t have to feel discomfort though because you can struggle without hating every moment. Think of exercising extremely hard. This is painful, but you know that it will lead to bigger muscles and a stronger body. The end result will be quite pleasurable so you endure the pain without focusing on how much it hurts. You keep thinking about the end result so you don’t experience so much discomfort.

Think if you are struggling with financial problems. You will feel pain, but you can accept that it will pass and you will be stronger due to these problems. There is pain due to the problems, but you can choose how you perceive this pain. You can succumb to the pain and allow it to hurt you more or you can accept it and embrace it. Yes there are problems but these will pass. Life Goes On.

You don’t have to associate struggling with discomfort. Allow yourself to embrace the struggle. Don’t fight against it, instead allow it to happen while looking for solutions. You have the ultimate power to determine how to react. You can make yourself uncomfortable with thoughts or you can accept it.

A Hero’s journey is only possible due to struggle

When is the last time you watched a movie with a truly great hero that doesn’t struggle? There aren’t many that have everything go well for them. It wouldn’t make a good story. There is no development! We are stuck because there is no growth without struggle. We don’t want to repeat the last year (Re-runs are boring) so we need to change, grow, struggle.

We work out to break down muscles so that they rebuild stronger. You have to struggle with some weight before the muscle can rebuild better, stronger, and faster. There are many ways we can struggle in daily life so that we develop into a stronger better self. Quit your job, drop out of school and do something you really want to do (Only if school will not benefit you, but be careful), ask many people out on a date and allow rejection to happen. Struggle with your problems, such as tackling your financial goals.

I am still trying to decide how to spend this New Year. I want to struggle, but there is still fear. I don’t want to fail. What if I am not strong enough to accomplish the task? These are the risks that have to be taken to improve. I am doomed to not improve unless I allow myself to struggle. The first step is to allow struggle to be a pleasant instead of discomfort. In the end I will come out stronger no matter if I a fail.

Here is to a new year of stumbling, struggling and clawing my way through. It may not seem nice at the time but the hindsight is 20/20.

Your chances of success are based on your tolerance for delaying your satisfaction. Consider if you want to buy a new car. First you must save the money and this requires you to sacrifice other spending in order to save. The other purchases make you happy. You might want to purchase a cup of coffee, a small item, new hat or more. These purchases provide immediate satisfaction because these often aren’t planned purchases. In order for you to have that car you must tolerate not having that immediate satisfaction, instead you have to delay it until you purchase the car. The car will be satisfying to buy far more than a cup of coffee, but it doesn’t feel so satisfying until you are able to purchase it.

This same thing happens in other areas of life. You have the option of writing a paper. This paper isn’t fun to write and it will most likely consume a large amount of time. You have another option to sit back and check your Facebook or Twitter account. This isn’t exciting, but it is feels better than writing the paper. The chances of you succeeding at writing the paper will be based on your ability to abstain from other activities that divert your attention. Again, you will have more satisfaction when you finish the paper, but it requires work while checking Facebook provides immediate satisfaction without work.

You can change this behavior though.

Focus on the end – Sure that hot dog might be good, but you know what is even better? Reaching your ideal weight. A cup of coffee every morning for a year might feel nice, but being able to buy a plane ticket from the money you saved (assuming 2-3 dollars per cup, Thank you Starbucks) for a trip will feel far better. The end result will always feel better than the immediate gratification. Remember the end result before allowing yourself to indulge in immediate satisfaction. Do you want to sit on the couch and watch TV? Think of yourself feeling good about your weight, let that drive you to go workout.

Make the future a reality – The problem is that end goal doesn’t seem as real as the temptation in front of you. The tempting Xbox 360 in front of you might seem far more real than retirement, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t save for it. If possible, make that future as real as possible. Saving for an item? Get pictures, learn about it, and read about it so that it seems more real. Something like retirement might be harder to make into a reality, but you can read about saving techniques for retirement, tips for retirement, and just think about it. You don’t have to be obsessive about it, but you need to be able to feel like it is as real as the temptation in front of you.

Set up your success – The biggest motivation for immediate satisfaction is that it is often the easiest thing to do. It is easier to surf the internet instead of work, so you have to make sure you make it easier to do the right thing. Lock yourself away from the computer then you have to work. Make automatic deposits for retirement instead of having to make the effort to deposit the money. Get rid of all the unhealthy snacks in the house. Find any way possible to make the right choice the easier one. If the right choice takes work, then make sure other options require more work.

Find short term rewards – Distant goals are hard to continually work towards, but if you set up rewards that occur often then this will help with immediate satisfaction. These short term rewards will allow you to keep going while still reaching for the long term goals. If you are able to, you can break the large long term goal into smaller goals. This allows you to feel the satisfaction of achieving each step of the goal. Each step will reinforce your desire to finish the goals.

Think of the benefits of the long term goal over the short term pleasure. Most of us are pleasure seekers, and we will take our thrills anywhere. We must recognize the draw to the immediate satisfaction, but be able to strive for the delayed satisfaction.

Sometimes in order to succeed then you have to make it impossible to fail, or at least very unpleasant. I know that I often fail because my mind will find too many reasons not to try: “Don’t talk to that girl, you will make a fool of yourself”, “Don’t try that business idea, it will fail and you will end up poorer”, “Don’t work out, it is hard. Go do something on the computer it is a lot more fun”. How could you argue? Failure hurts your ego a bit, but other than that then it isn’t too unpleasant. There are always reasons to stay in your safe comfort zone. You might fail if you try, so it is better to not try. What if failure was not an option because it is far worse. If you really don’t want to do something, then you have to make the alternative even worse to do. One example of this would be approaching a stranger. You are out with a friend and you see a stranger. You are scared to death to approach them and start a conversation. The situation is unpleasant, so you write check for $100 dollars and give it to your friend. You tell your friend that if you do not start a conversation with that stranger right now then they can go cash that check and spend it.

Making the alternative more unpleasant

Once you wrote that check then you have successfully made it far worse to not talk to the stranger then to simply go talk to them. You might embarrass yourself, but that isn’t as bad as losing the $100 dollars. The $100 dollars wasn’t the only punishment that was set up either. Now you are accountable to not only yourself, but your friend also. You could wage a war in your head over whether you should talk to the stranger, but if you don’t do it then you only let yourself down. Now if you don’t do it then you let yourself down and your friend. You will embarrass yourself in front of your friend. You might be scared to talk to the stranger, but it is far worse to simply stand back and not do anything.

Ideas to use

1) The easiest idea is to use money. It is simple to write a check and give it to a third party, or to just give them the cash. You have to use enough cash that it will hurt you to lose the money. If $100 dollars isn’t much for you, then use a $1,000. If that isn’t a large sum, then continue going up until it hurts to think of losing that much. If it is an ongoing challenge such as working out three times a week, then make out a check for $100 dollars each week for however long you want to do it, like 20 weeks. If you miss a week then the friend cashes one check. If you miss another, then the friend cashes another. This will keep you going even if you don’t do it once, you still have to continue to do it.

I remember once hearing a story about a multi-millionaire that set up billboards with his face plastered on it around the city he lived in. On the billboard he said that if you saw him smoking then he would give you a million dollars. It seems to be a great way to stop smoking because then anyone he is around could have seen the billboards. If he offered the money to only one person then he might be tempted to lie to them or avoid them to keep the money, but if everyone knows then he is forced to stop if he doesn’t want to lose the money.

A few ways to use money:

Talking to Strangers

Working out

Meditating

Getting out of your comfort zone

Being Productive

Spending time with your kids

Make sure to give the money to someone that you trust and that you would hate to let down. If you give it to a friend that you know you could convince to give you the money back, then it doesn’t work.

2) You have to make it hard for yourself. If I wanted to stop eating some foods that are bad for me then I will simply not buy them. I can have them, but I have to go to the store, buy them, cook them, etc. It makes it hard for me to actually have those foods so I am banking on my laziness to convince me to eat the healthier options that are easily accessible. The same would work for things you want to avoid. Do you want to watch less TV? Just break it. You won’t be able to watch it until you fix it. If breaking it seems a bit too permanent then just get someone to lock the TV so that it needs a pass code. Have the person hide the pass code. Now you have to go searching for the pass code in order to watch TV. It might be worth it for some shows, but the majority of shows you will simply pass up the opportunity. The same thing goes for the internet. Make it hard to access the internet and you won’t use it as much.

A few things you could make it hard to fail at:

Diets

Stop watching TV

Use the Internet less

Spending Money

Working on a project

Spending time with friends

3) Accountability is also great. Just announce, loudly, that you are trying to do something. Don’t just tell your friends, but tell your co-workers, all your friends, family, and even strangers! The embarrassment if you fail has to be great in order to get yourself motivated to do it. I went on my trip to Asia this summer and I was too lazy to print off the pictures. It has been two months since I have gotten back and I still haven’t shown the pictures to my co-workers, but they still ask me for them. If they didn’t ask about them then I would never actually do it because I wouldn’t have the pressure to do it. They force me to do it. Have everyone encourage you also. I know I hate it when people are counting on me, because I would feel horrible if I let them down. Tell people that you respect and wouldn’t want to let down.

Joining a group is also good for accountability, because the group will encourage you and hold you to do something. Join Toastmasters if you want to public speak, because then you are forced to do it. Join a Mastermind group that deals with something you want to do, e.g. a group of entrepreneurs that will get you to become an entrepreneur.

A few ways to use accountability:

Starting a business

Reading more

Writing more

Studying

Following through with a course

Achieving a goal

Make sure to be specific when you use money or accountability, because the person that holds the money for you or makes you accountable will have to determine if you have done your end of the deal or not. Instead of simply saying that you want to be in shape then you want to exercise three times a week to make it specific. If you tell someone that you will clean their whole house if you don’t write more then you must define how much you will write and how often. It is best to use accountability when you want to produce something, such as writing or starting a business. This way you cannot lie to the person that you did your part. You have evidence so that you cannot lie to them.

Think of something that you hate and make that the alternative, because in order to succeed then you have to make it impossible to fail.