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Telling the Truth
DLcollegegirl 2010

I suppose being different and a performer has always been my forte. I've been viewed as 'weird' 'edgy' and 'crazy' that my weirdness is normal now. Since I'm inspired by my Momma Monster (Lady Gaga) that seems to go hand in hand. So anything weird now to most is 'normal' for me. But I suppose I am under a lot a scrutiny, like a prize show dog. If I said, 'I'm bisexual.' No one will care, trust me. That isn't weird to most people. Or even being gay-though I'm attracted to men and no one would believe me if I said I was gay (lesbian). My name is Shannon. (or Shannon Gaga, if you wish to call me that) I perform Lady Gaga songs and make my own videos (my interpretation of it) to her songs. It's mostly for fun and though I have some 'fame' now. Fame, well, I could care less. But I'm not careless in what I put out there. What I am about to say probably is more risqu' that me wearing a leotard in front of hundreds of people or 'appearing naked' in my Dance in the Dark video.

You see, I have a weird fetish. And I am going to tell you a story of why I possibly have this fetish and what happened when I told my friends months ago. Most fetishes are sexual (but for me it's not even though it's considered a fetish). I have a fetish that has been mentioned in several shows such as even 'Maury' and 'Tyra' (wow) but still quite rare to hear of unless you know a person personally. I have a diaper fetish. Before you all go screaming and laughing bloody murder, I will explain to you a little story. I suppose I've always had this 'weird random fetish.' I remember as a young girl (maybe pre-teens/early teens) that I'd try on my grandparents' diapers. I would not use them at the time, just tried them on. And I would often like the cartoon (as a child) that were diapered or put in diapers, etc. Kind of random, I know, but true story.

Then, later on, I decided to take a risky plunge. I searched on 'Google' 'Having a diaper fetish' and I discovered a whole community. A site called 'daily diapers' and I actually started off reading stories from the site. I found it interesting, so I went on, and I decided to chat with other AB/DLs. I learned the two terms. An AB is an adult baby. An adult that likes to be treated a baby. That's the most 'basic' term. A DL or Diaper Lover is someone who likes diapers. Most of the time they are turned on by wearing diapers. There are also 'Mommies and Daddies' (people who care for AB/DLs changing diapers, etc). The first person I told of my fetish was my mom (in person) and her fianc', Mark, who lived together. They understood and weren't making fun of me. Surprisingly, they gave me a few packs of pull up diapers (a medium adult size that were too big for my brother, Naurice). So I started wearing them. At that time, I started wearing 24/7 and no one else knew about it. Before I returned to Texas State, I ordered my first 'case' of diapers. I would hide them in my cabinets, under the bed, and in my drawers of my dorm dresser, so that no one would find them.

However, my secret-keeping was short-lived. The 'pull up diapers' worked perfectly underneath jeans, skirts, etc. Soon after, I ordered plastic panties. (My first pair, sadly they ripped after four months and I had trash them, but I got some new ones in the summer, which were much better and I still have them). Anyway, I made sure that no one could see what was underneath my clothes and my ordered 'thick diapers' had came in as well. I wore the thicker ones when I was in my dorm and the thinner ones at school. However, I suddenly felt the urge of hiding. I had this fetish and I wanted to admit it to them. I had 'reactions' in my mind of how each person would react. My 'predicted reactions' of my mom and Mark were spot on, but my guesses on my friends were wrong. I took a chance. I joined a group on face book about AB/DL (a big mistake) but I didn't think anyone would notice. It was then, that I had been comfronted about a 'diaper group.' At first, I lied, saying it was a 'face book mistake' (because face book acts up randomly.) It HAS been known to do that. Until, finally, I realized, the jig was up. I had to say something.

I took my three girl friends to my room and showed them my secret. My adult diaper stash. I said, as I showed them, 'I haven't been completely honest with you.' &nb sp;

If you are gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender you will know the feeling I'm about to reveal. I felt that. Almost like coming out of the closet. I sometimes compare the AB/DL community to the gay community because often, a lot of people judge them, they are viewed sometimes as 'having something wrong with them.' Or that what they are doing is 'wrong.' But in reality, the people that judge, etc, are the ones who are wrong. Because we are not the ones hurting other people. The people that judge or say things are the ones that are hurting. Not physically, but mentally'.

My sort-of frenemie (later my video director) messaged me on face book about the diaper thing. I, at first denied it, but then, he said,

'I don't care what you do, Shannon. If you want to be a diaper-girl and wear diapers and be treated like a baby, fine. I saw the pictures, Shannon. There IS evidence, you know.'

He had taken pictures of me joining that group as a screenshot on face book And even some that said, that I wanted to be an adult baby, etc. And anyone in 'texas'' comments. There also was a picture of me at Wal-Mart being push in a cart and 'enjoying' it. Thing was, all of had gotten into the shopping cart once and were being silly. See when we didn't have much to do, we'd drive to Waymart to either buy something or look around. Wal-Mart IS always open. So, we took turns pushing each other in the cart. Another friend of mine took pics of all of us taking a ride in the carts. But one of 'em remarked that I enjoyed it 'a little too much' and that I 'liked' being treated like a little girl. I suppose that was my first AB moment. Truth was, I DID like it. And I DID wanted to be treated like a little girl. Eventually, I finally admitted my AB/DL status to my major friends circle.

My 'frenemie' threatened to tell 'everyone.' (I think he was just an asshole). He and I had many skirmishes and arguments and we were almost like a bickering couple. (Except that he was gay). I told him, 'Please don't tell anyone.'

He replied on face book, 'Why should I' You're mean to me.' (My translation was: You argue with me and you don't kiss my ass, so why should I') Well, he was the ONE he loves to instigate fights and make me angry. You see, I wasn't quite as famous as I was then (I am more now). But anything that got out would probably ruin me. You see, he always thought he was right, and I had a mind. I had slowly had started to stand up to the biggest asshole in Texas (well not quite). He was not a good person, since the beginning, when I first met him, I had a bad vibe off of him.

However, I did do a little begging, much to my chagrin. I said, 'I'll do anything if you don't tell anyone anything.' That's a little extreme, but'.still'giving him that option.

He simply said, 'If you are nice to me, maybe I won't.'

I finally had established something with him. But I still was worried. Having to kiss that motherfuckers ass was like kiss a donkey's ass full of crap. My roommate didn't take the news either, he told my dorm roommate ANYWAY, and it made my roommate want to leave. Well, that, and that she thought I was really weird to begin with. Anyway, she ended up leaving. But I guess the feeling was mutual. I never really liked her very much, either.

I was still worried that my 'frenemie' would reveal my secret. My two friends we decided to go grab a bite to eat at one of the dining halls on campus. I was still angry at my frenemie, but when they told me he was joining us, I wasn't not very happy. Yet I found myself seeing him join us, whether I wanted him to or not. I decided, that if he pissed me off, I would leave.

He arrived, all smug and evil, as always, thinking that he had perfect blackmail for me. I said nothing. I went to my dinner and tried to stay quiet. But he said, sort of in a fake voice,

'I want to be friends, Shannon. We shouldn't be fighting.' (Like I believed that)

I said, 'Yes, we shouldn't be.' (Which was not a lie)
'We should go back to the dorm, have a tea party, and he whispered under his breath, 'change your diapers.'' One of my other friends said he heard him say it. I did, too. I wasn't deaf.

(I was wearing at that time.)

One of my other friends said, 'Shannon Gaga' You should be Shannon Goo Goo Gaga.' (I forgot who said it, but it wasn't my frenemie)

A few days later, my chief advisor, for me, asked me about it.

Here was our inbox conversation (taken from face book)

FA (Friend Advisor): Why do you wear diapers'
Me: It's just a fetish thing. (I know it more than that but I had to say something he'd want to hear) I made a choice to give up the diapers for Shannon Gaga. I threw them all away. (Well I did but I regretted it. Hard to believe I was once so afraid of everything and that was around six months ago)

FA: Do you use the diapers'

Me: Only for number one. It helps when you're in class and don't want to leave. I told you because I thought you'd say gaga wouldn't care what ppl thought of her. (I honestly feel like she wouldn't judge or care)

FA: You're an insult to Gaga. You should just stop.

Me: What'

FA: That is totally different from GAGA... that's coo coo. Seriously Shannon... She'd freak out no kidding. That's gross!

Me: I threw them away because I can never been an insult to Gaga. (It was the worst thing you could say to me)

As you can see, I worried too much. In fact, that was one of the major reason I wore on and off to be unknown. I led them to believe that I no longer wore . I felt bad about it. And I had to yell at them to get me to stop making fun of me. It was horrible.

The reason why I returned because I wanted to. I have been having dreams of being a baby, etc. And messing and wetting and buying diapers, etc. And I decided that my name change was partly in due to an AB/DL story I read about Lady Gaga getting diapered. I'm sure that Lady Gaga would give it a chance. Who knows' Maybe she wears one when she's on stage. Because the costume changes are often quick and she probably would have no bathroom breaks.

Now I've done more risks. I've returned to diaper sites, I'm wearing again (even under my clothes). And no one has caught me. Now when I'm at home, drinking from bottles, sucking a paci, and hopefully, will eventually have a bib or bonnet or something. And I no longer hide my name behind 'Dlcollegegirl' on chat. I use my name. And I tell people on Ab/dl sites. Thank God most of them do not know who I am. So I introduce them to me. And my 'stage' side and my 'baby' side. Therefore, they know both parts of me. But to the people outside of the Ab/DL community, I do not say anything or lead that fact on. If an accident happens or something where I have to be seen, then I will defend myself. But at this point, I do not have to. My name on diaperspace.com during chat was for a couple days was Baby Princess Monster Shannon GooGooGaga. Funny, that I'm using the name to some degree that was used to make fun of me. Then I shortened it to Baby Shannon GooGooGaGa. It seemed okay, then. Reading that story made me remember why I loved Gaga so much (even if it wasn't true). They always say, 'There is truth in jest.' There was. She wouldn't care. I decided that if one does find out whether it's my chief advisor or anyone else, I'd be like,

'If you can't accept me for who I am, then you're not my friend. And who are you to judge' You've been judged as a gay person. You're doing the same thing and that isn't right.'

Well, that's my story. Oh, and I think I wear diapers and like to be treated/act like a baby because I am under a lot of scrutiny in public. I need an escape. Something personal that will not harm anyone. Though the secret is nuclear (Legally Blonde reverence) I am doing what makes ME happy. Why should I jeopardize my happiness for someone else'

And when I'm on 'diaperspace' I act babyish on chat. And I talk like a baby. I would say as a baby, I would act one. I've been told I speak well as a baby. Maybe because I was around my niece a lot. She's three. And very cute.

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