Aspergers is the next major evolutionary step in the advancment of the human race. If the lizard/mammal brain is allowed to run unchecked, according to Darwin's survival of the meanest, greediest; then mankind is doomed to repeat history and civilization will once again collapse under its own animal nature.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Another tough time. Dad's and X's bday anniversaries. I feel I've lived eons in this lifetime. Reading Temple Grandin's life I feel sad I never had the knowledge and understanding she had. Her mother cared enough to find help. To help her find her way.

I'm still searching. Maybe that's my life's work. To find me.

And yet, in other ways I've been blessed. Like,,,,, ok I can't think of any. I'm glad I'm me. I wouldn't want to live her life. Yucky.

The cmptr room volunteer is sobbing into his keyboard. I'm good , I don't have to fix him. Thank you ,God for healing me from having to fix everything around me.

My family trained me to attend to their every need. Punished when I didn't, sometimes punished when I did. So I was behaviorally conditioned to fix everything around me to just feel comfortable.

Obsessive behavior can be retrained. Temple recircuited her behaviors, retrained, motivated herself to accomplish her goals.

Now, I just need to find out what my goals are.

I know I can. Completing the puzzle of my life feels bigger than the one here at the Sr. Ctr. and all the same principles apply, it only feels bigger.

That's the faith-mustard seed parable. It only feels different.

I found pieces without thinking, just doing. I need not worry what to say and what to do.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Got frustrated trying to log onto internet. Librarian was kind enough to show alternate way to using icons. Completely forgot I was going to try to pay ConCell online. I'll be able to use cmptr srs 2moro . But maybe I should try today.Shoulds and oughts. I release shoulding on myself.Successfully did it!!

About Me

an Asperger's asian woman raised as male with older and younger sisters. Intense abuse forces intense spiritual life from childhood. Challenging physical injury caused by the death of my parents mandating the evaulation of my beliefs and history.