reverb

But here’s the thing about Gorgeousness. It actually has absolutely nothing to do with the way you look and everything to do with the way you feel. You could be having the best hair day ever with skin like a porcelain doll, but if you feel like ass there is no beautiful to be had.

I would like to mention that in my previous relationship, I was put down a lot about how I look without my hair and makeup done. I got comments like You’re going out like that? And I mean, I was showered and dressed reasonably… not in sweats with 3rd day hair. So, I was frequently made to feel like if I didn’t put in some herculean effort, I was not pretty or worthy of being seen. It made me self conscious about going to the gym without at least a little blush on my cheeks or mascara on my lashes. I was also, particularly in my 20s, caught in a cycle of deeply caring about what people thought about me and, of course, the way I look is a natural extension of that.

Since the end of that relationship, I have not spent a dime on mascara. And I use so little makeup that it’s not even a budgeted item in my finances. Well, except for skin care items like night cream. That shiz is expensive. And necessary. I’m not knocking makeup, it is amazing and I still love it and love wearing it. But I don’t need it to feel pretty. G tells me every day how beautiful she thinks I am, and she makes sure I especially know that on days that I haven’t even tried. So, this year, like the last few years that we have been together, I have felt beautiful every single day. Maybe I’m not beautiful to strangers or gym members or coworkers, but I am beautiful to her and that’s all that I need to feel confident and worthy, and I could really care less about what everyone else thinks.

Getting physically gorgeous is not for the faint of heart. It is quite a process. And I highly recommend a professional. Brooke Williams did my hair and makeup and she was just fabulous. I was indeed gorgeous on my wedding day, no doubt. But I felt gorgeous from the moment I woke up and cherished some sweet moments of pillow talk with my soon-to-be wife all the way through sweaty dancing with my hair up in a pony.

Tis the season for reverb! It doesn’t seem possible that I started really writing into my blog this time last year with this exact project, and then continued to write throughout the year here and there to soothe my soul. It’s been fun! And cathartic. And I thank each one of you who have written to me in support or relating to me on our life parallels.

So, for the entire month of December, Every Single Day, there is a writing prompt that I will respond to – thanks to my sweet friend Sarah who invited me last year and continues to host this online writing event.

Day 1 – At The Start – Where did you start 2014?

As reverb is a reflection on 2014, I will attempt not to bore you with all things wedding, but seriously, from the first waking moments of January all the way through today, as we are still working on finalizing the design for our album to be produced with our photographers, my life revolved around planning, prepping, celebrating, partying, implementing, following through, and enjoying one of the happiest and most beautiful days of my life.

In January, specifically, our engagement photo shoot was being planned — and re-planned — and we were surprised by our amazing friends and family with a fabulous engagement party. We were supposed to have our engagement photos taken in Raleigh, NC in December. But our plans got thwarted due to rain. Then we rescheduled for January 4th in Middleburg, VA but it snowed the night before, which could have been very pretty for the pictures had it not been 8 degrees outside with 30mph gusts of wind. Hello bad hair day.

After much angst over outfits, the length of Levi’s hair, and our general holiday bloat, it was a blessing in disguise that mother nature was uncooperative because we rescheduled for early February on a day that was warm enough for just sweaters, but still had a hint of snow on the ground. And we got to meet our amazing photographers in person and they are the most wonderful people. A great start to wedding planning in general.

Additionally, mid-January, our bridal party and families surprised us with an engagement party! It was the first of many times throughout 2014 that we would be surrounded and completely enveloped in support and love from everyone around us. It was the perfect way to kick off a year of wedding related activities.