Just thinking about suicide lately....

I'm Nick. I'm transgender. I get messed with a lot because of it and my mom refuses to believe me. My dad is supportive, but doesn't think I'm old enough to know. Gender dysphoria is like a depression that hits you because your body doesn't match your brain. I get it all the time. Like when I'm called she, or by my female name. I had a transgender friend commit suicide back in March. That put me in a bad place. I cut a lot, but sometimes I think how easy it would be to off myself and not have to deal with all this. I don't have very many people to talk to. This all just sucks.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation - it sounds really, really tough. It also sounds like you still need to live at home for awhile (I'm guessing you're under age).

I remember being 14 and suicidal, cutting quite a bit, and thinking the misery would never end. My brother, then 17, tried to tell me how this was just temporary; in a few years I could move out and have my own life - build a life that suited ME. I couldn't even envision 3 years at the time. It seemed endless. But it did end, I did move out, and it was better.

Hang in there. Most important: get support. Being here, reaching out, is a good step. There's a lot of transgender support out there now days, especially on the 'net. You don't have to go it alone and shouldn't have to. It's hard to be a minority in this culture anyway; doing it alone is near impossible. You're also at higher risk because of the 'contagiousness' of suicide. Please get more support.

Hi Nick,
I'm gay so I can relate to not fitting into traditional gender roles. Most people just don't understand but you have the choice to internalize that or not. Even though your parents have known you since you were born they might not have gone through what you are going through. Unless they are quite uncaring parents they are doing the best they can given their current level of understanding. I know it probably doesn't feel that way but that's cause they don't know how to explain things if your parents are anything like mine.

I am not saying this from an assumption that your parents are all sunshine and cupcakes, either. My parents were quite physically abusive, I mean not extreme but let's just say the neighbors called the cops on a regular basis and I still fear cops because my younger self associated them with the worst of times on the home front. Even with that background I still think they did the best they could now that I am an adult. So I guess what I'm trying to say is you can still be you regardless of whether others understand. It sounds like a significant amount of your stress has to do with the way others treat you, e.g., calling you she or by your female name. That makes sense as a feeling of belonging and being understood is one of our deep seated human needs. However that won't come easy for you because you are in a very very small minority. That sucks but it's not a death sentence.

There is support out there and there are others like you. Alternatively you could do what I did and not identify as any particular label but just treat it like one of many personal characteristics. Yeah I'm gay but I'm many other things as well. When I'm around people who are not gay I try and relate to them on a level where we do have something in common, and be my faggy self around those who will appreciate me for it.

So there are a few options. I probably wouldn't be on this site in the first place though if I had it all figured out though. As always YMMV.

hey nick. im sorry to hear about everything thats going on. i have a transgender friend that gets put down a lot so i know how it must feel. just remember that there will always be someone out there that will accept you like i have accepted my transgender freind.

if you need someone to talk to just send me a message and i will be happy to chat sometime :hugtackles:

hey, i can relate somewhat to ur post. I generally dont fit any 'standards'. this has probly put strain on my mentality so now i think a bit crazy lol. i think animals are better than humans. to be specific, cats. if I was allowed to, i'd have heaps of cats lol, like that crazy cat lady on the simpsons XD.

I'm gay myself, but am unable to trust others. I only trust a couple of people, and they tend to be over the internet.

if ur bored or something and need to send someone a message, feel free to spam my inbox lol