Take my hand, o faithless one,
and believe in what can be.
Climb with me to the highest mountain
and breathe to the whisper of silver stars.
Gaze down upon the world laid out,
blanketed in dusk and twinkling lights,
shadowy blue whisps of cobweb clouds
catching all the fireflies within their dreams.

Silhouettes stroll down the cobblestone,
amongst the silent falling snow;
peaceful serenity surrounding us all,
weaving wonder throughout our minds.
Wrap arms of warmth around yourself
against the chilly midnight air;
puffs of our frozen breath swirling,
entwining each other in a ritual dance.

Hark! and pay attention to
the secret words upon your ear,
for so speaks the angel in disguise,
Promising dust of sparkling light
to illuminate the way to go.

Thanks guys I'm actually proud of this one, with a couple of hitches, naturally And 'course I wasn't looking at my reflection while Christmas shopping, Bruce! Lol, I don't Christmas shop But thank you. I must say I was writing this about me, and for once... it's not depressing I'd love to write more back, but I'ma wait for some more feedback, plus I'm using Justin's time on the computer.

And yes, Sarah, I love that word, too! I think this is the first time I've used it, but the line "Hark! and listen to..." kept repeating in my head. Then I changed it, obviously, but it wouldn't go away, so I took that as a good thing

This reminds me of an old fashioned winter scene, the ladies in their bonnets, and the gentlemen in their long coats, strolling down the cobbled streets arm in arm. Like the Victorian Christmas cards one sees. Nicely done Lady.
JP

Dear Lady, Enjoyed the poem very much, word choice was great and the painted picture was lovely. I understand the Christmas thing as a lot of my friends are in your camp, perhaps I could share my thoughts on it with you sometime. Yeah, hark is a good one. jhs

NO krusty krabs!! Not on my thread! Lol, j/k. If you really want them krusty ol' things... well... each to his own And thanks for the compliment! Nothing you didn't like? Wow... I'm the same way, I can usually find SOMEthing I don't like in a poem, and plenty in my own laughs easily I've got a bunch of stuff on this site spattered here and there... most of it usually isn't up to par with this, though. You may like "Intellectual Intercourse" though. I'll dig it up for ya here in a lil bit if ya want

LMAO! I can't do it!! LOL... tries and fails miserably And what do you mean, too much good, Jaguar? Want somethin negative? I got some o' that... And Bruce, he said keep writing, so I thought he'd like somethin else! And come on now, where's your detailed critique of this? I spend forever on your poems, lol. Great input, Albert

Very nice poem. sweet, clean, crisp night. It makes me wish i was the one sitting there and breathing the frosty air. If i contain an amount of depression it makes me jealous to have that scene. A positive poem can induce negative feelings...
Zev

Take my hand o faithless one, I have different faith then the kind I believe you mention so I hate it.... I hate it because of the church, so I hate the followers, so I hate the believers. But I understand it so I can't hate em too much

Well if you'd STOP JUMPING THE GUN you might see that I didn't mean the faith to be religious. Sheesh! So quick to judge.

I meant faith in possiblities, not religious faith. And the 'angel' in this poem doesn't necessarily have to be religious, either. Instead, it's just a person in your life (well, I wrote it about me) who loves you and takes care of you, and guides you through life. Certainly you know somebody like that. A friend, girlfriend, mother, father... anyone who you respect and know personally.

"Faith is believing in the things unseen, and we walk by faith, not by sight."

Lady- I loved this one! such a nice scene- kind of reminds me of a scene in the "muppet christmas Carol" ...and by the way....I can only say "irish whisht..." before I start laughing.
I really liked the fourth line in the first stanza- "wisper of silver stars" sooo pretty! The only thing that I would change (personal prefference only, not major thing...) is the "amongst" in the secoind line of the second stanza. To me that word implys that the subject ( the snow) has a sense of humanity, like if you're amongst something you that something is equal to you...something like that anyway. Just one of those weird in my own mind connections, though. Maybe "amidst"...I'll just read it in my head that way Otherwise: Completely georgous holiday happy twinkling warmth!
great job!
Sarah, lover of all things even slightly Christmas related...

Take my hand, o faithless one,
and believe in what can be.
Climb with me to the highest mountain
and breathe to the whisper of silver stars.
Gaze down upon the world laid out,
blanketed in dusk and twinkling lights,
shadowy blue whisps of cobweb clouds
catching all the fireflies within their dreams.

Silhouettes stroll down the cobblestone,
amidst the silent falling snow;
peaceful serenity surrounding us all,
weaving wonder throughout our minds.
Wrap arms of warmth around yourself
against the chilly midnight air;
puffs of our frozen breath swirling,
entwining each other in a ritual dance.

Hark! and pay attention to
the secret words upon your ear,
for so speaks the angel in disguise,
Promising dust of sparkling light
to illuminate the way to go.

Yes, I think I like it better that way, too. Any other suggestions? Constructive criticism? A plain "you suck"?

One of your best things of late I have read, oh my, am I late on this one!
It is stellar. After four months I finally find a poem again which makes me ache for its beauty and imagery, Bruce with his queer-titled last revision on Phantom/Serendipity began it, now it is you leading up, the whole poem is one breath and one thought.

I'm only just recently working with imagery, Kam. My older work has very very very very very little imagery, if any. But I'm glad you like it It is kind of easy, if you sit down and say "Okay, there are going to be images" and when you come to an idea, think "how can I describe this?" and go through adjectives in your mind. Relax, and let the poem write itself.

Such beauty in the written word. Nothing is wrong, everything about the poem just shouts out the perfection of the written word, the feelings, the images, the story, it's all there. Everything works. You don't read this poem, you feel it, you live it.

Warm congratulations on a poem that has as much beauty as you do, and you are so beautiful, as I'm sure the Dreamer will happily testify to.

I must say, I think this is my favorite of all my poems. "Intellectual Intercourse" used to be, but it got old Lol. Though it still ranks in the top five or so. That shocking, Bruce? Lol. Know what? Lol, I've been mulling over the idea of this poem for the longest time, and couldn't spit it out. Then I saw your Phaeder's Poetry Picks and I felt a teensy bit jealous, and I wanted a poem on there! So I put forth some effort, worked on it for an hour and a half (longest ever, probably) and this is what became of it

Thank you, Ian I love your comments, I look forward to them, and I smile at their honesty. You have this rawness about the way you talk, and nothing is hidden, it's all out there in the most obvious ways. I hold your opinion in such high respect, and if you like a poem, it brings a big smile to my face, and if you don't, a furrow to my brow and I kinda leave the poem alone. Thank you for your thoughts, truly. peck on the cheek

Whether or not you have anything up on my Phaeder's Poetry Picks, you will always be on my top five people list!
I am glad that you felt driven to achieve something grand in order to reach your goal, and I am happy for whatever small part my thread may have played in that, but I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that you are an amazing young woman. You impress me all of the time, and even when you exasperate me, you still manage to make me proud of you.

If you were to fail high school (don't!), never pursue college or university, never work in the field of photography which you dream of, but spend your life working in a hamburger factory instead; I would still love you and be proud of you.
There is absolutely nothing that you could ever do to disappoint me, except change who you are, to satisfy others (which I know Angelito would never ask of you. So Angelito, I am proud of you too!), but even then, I would still love you dearly.

Calibre??
It actually is most often used as size of a gun... such as .22 calibre,, or the 44 Jack mentioned when Bruce and I were chasing the horrible mountain chipmunk in his ditty.
But, I don't know if it has come to mean, or originally meant status, standing or ability.
"A person of that calibre would never lie"

"A poem of that calibre is wonderful to read"
"A person of a lesser calibre is not one I would want to take to dinner"

I wondered at first if there was a bit too much imagery, and concluded that
since it all ties together nicely, that it was fine. My favourite lines are:

S1/L7 - love the "cobweb clouds"...very nice.
S2/L7 - "puffs of frozen breath swirling"...very interesting imagery at work here. Initially, I had a problem with anything frozen being "puffed" and at the same time "swirling", but after reading it over a few times, I realized that with enough imagination, it works! Nicely done.

My "not so favourite" lines:

S1/L1 - I'm not in love with the "o faithless one" bit, but if you must keep it, I think you should capitalize the "O".
S3/L1 - Get rid of "Hark". It's too corny.

Take my hand, o faithless one,
and believe in what can be.
Climb with me to the highest mountain
and breathe to the whisper of silver stars.
Gaze down upon the world laid out,
blanketed in dusk and twinkling lights,
shadowy blue whisps of cobweb clouds
catching all the fireflies within their dreams.

Silhouettes stroll down the cobblestone,
amongst the silent falling snow;
peaceful serenity surrounding us all,
weaving wonder throughout our minds.
Wrap arms of warmth around yourself
against the chilly midnight air;
puffs of our frozen breath swirling,
entwining each other in a ritual dance.

Hark! and pay attention to
the secret words upon your ear,
for so speaks the angel in disguise,
Promising dust of sparkling light
to illuminate the way to go.

Finally, notice how my favourite and non-favourite lines were the same? Both faves were L7's and both non-faves were L1's. WEIRD!

Lol! Jay, you notice the smallest details, I swear. One of the reasons I wanted you to critique these. I didn't even think of whether or not something frozen could be puffed and swirling. I was thinking frozen, because when you can see someone's breath, isn't it miniscule frozen drops of water? I may be wrong on that; not sure. Glad you liked it.

With the "cobweb clouds," I was trying to find a way to describe the thin, wispy kinds (the scientific names fails me), without saying "thin whisps of clouds" or anything like that. I just focused on the mental image I had, and came up with "cobweb clouds." I'm glad you liked it.

I can't get rid of "Hark!" I just can't. "Hark! And pay attention to" was one line that had been playing in my head for days, and I had to get it down on paper. That's one of the foundational lines of this poem, at least for me, when I read it, if not for anyone else. "O faithless one..." Well, that's a typical "me" style, when I'm pretending to be off in a dreamworld. I speak in my version of olde english. Umm.. for example when I tell someone "fare thee well and good night" or "sweet dreams to you, of midnight skies and me in your arms" or some such. Kind of the dreamy-drama stuff. I gotta keep the "O faithless one," and I'll capitalize it. Besides, don't angels "hark"...? "Hark, the herald angels sing..."

Well, I had it "to illuminate the way to go" because of a poem Angelito wrote that had that line in it, and I was thinking of him when I wrote it (though it's not necessarily dedicated to him). But I agree that it would be stronger the way you suggested, and I would probably change it to "illuminate your way" if I were to change it. Change... aaah!!!

You're so perceptive! And remember, we're not kissy-face friends. We're just friends. Who is Don Juan d'Marco, anyway? I know you didn't just make the name up off the top of your head. And common interests... yes, it is nice to have some common interests (How's THAT for a change, huh??)

Jean-Paul,

Actually, when I wrote this, I wasn't thinking about the Bible in any kind of way. Rather, I was writing it about myself being the angel in disguise, out to save the world, broken heart by lonely heart. But I'm glad you were able to find a scriptural connotation.

Russ,

Well thank you That was very sweet of you, and I appreciated your comment a lot. I'm glad you enjoyed!