I’m not going to lie to you guys – this week sucked for long home runs. The most memorable homer of the week was Giancarlo Stanton hitting a screaming liner over the right field wall. Now that I’ve killed the contents of this column, let’s do it!

1. Brandon Moss vs Colby Lewis, 447 feet (June 16th)

It takes some effort to send a homer to Oakland’s right field cheering crew. Brandon Moss tried, but ended up over shooting them. Sorry, guys.

2. Lonnie Chisenhall vs Matt Shoemaker, 446 feet (June 17th)

HE ALMOST HIT THE PROGRESSIVE SUV. That would have been the best home run ever.

3. Jonathan Lucroy vs Brad Ziegler, 445 feet (June 17th)

In all honesty, the home run itself wasn’t the best part of this blast by Jonathan Lucroy – it was the fact that Ryan Braun was intentionally hit to load the bases for a white hot Lucroy. That ended well.

4. Todd Frazier vs Jason Grilli, 442 feet (June 17th)

Andrew McCutchen didn’t even bother with this one. Todd Frazier smashed it dirty to dead center to give the Reds a ninth inning lead against the Pirates.

5. Scooter Gennett vs Brandon McCarthy, 441 feet (June 16th)

When you hit a ball 441 feet, you lose the ability to call yourself “Scooter”. Sorry, Mr. Gennett.