Archive for the ‘Self-Help’ Category

Sometimes we have knowledge about something we believe to be true, but it fades into the background noise within our minds. The truth is there, somewhere in our mind, but it’s been shoved beneath all the busyness of today. It just sits there, seemingly not doing us any good. Then we have an epiphany. That old truth blasts its way to the forefront of our mind, with a far deeper understanding than we ever knew. It’s then that we really know it, deep down in our heart.

I recently had such an epiphany. I was just sitting, meditating, not thinking about anything in particular, when the words simply flashed across my mind, “I choose to be happy.” It was so profound, I spoke it out loud. I’ve learned that if your subconscious mind hears you speak something out loud, it believes your spoken word more than if you heard someone else say it, or if you read it silently in a book, or just thought it.

“I CHOOSE to be happy,” resonated in my heart. I suddenly thought about everything I have right now to be thankful for, and how that’s plenty to be happy about. It seemed so silly to think about all the worrisome thoughts I had been thinking about my future. The only living we can do is right now, so why on earth do our minds want to try to live in the distant future? Because we can’t live in the tomorrow, we become anxious about something that hasn’t even happened. We can work ourselves into a terrible state of depression if we keep worrying about the future—something we can do nothing about right now.

Funny thing is, when I choose to think about the things I’m currently blessed with, and let those thankful thoughts permeate my heart, I actually am doing something to shape my future. I’m sowing seeds of thankfulness and happiness for my future.

Think about it. If we’re anxious and worried throughout our days, how can any good come of it? “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” Anxious thoughts only plant seeds for more anxiety in the future. If I’m thankful and happy now, I’m planting seeds for more thankfulness, happiness, and peace in the future.

So good-bye, worries, and hello, happiness! I can choose to be happy right now, and I’ll continue to remind myself of this out loud, “I choose to be happy!”

It may help to write down all the things we have to be thankful for, to serve as a reminder when our thoughts slip into the worry groove. Yes, there are actually pathways our thoughts flow through in the brain. It can be more challenging to form new pathways of thought, than to allow our thoughts to effortlessly travel the old path of least resistance. But as we continue to put forth the effort to form new thought pathways, the old ones become weak and atrophy. Having a thankful list we can continue to add to is a helpful aid in changing our thinking.

I’ve learned to restrain myself…so if I’ve got the time, and I’m in the rare mood…I first check it out on a spam-snooper site. One I trust is truthorfiction.com. Every time I do a search on their site about a message I’ve received, I can get the low-down. Truth or fiction, or a mix of both.

If I find out it’s true, I might forward it to a few friends I think might be interested. But I send it Bcc—Blind Copy. What’s Blind Copy? It means you don’t blast all your friends’ email addresses across the cyberspace universe and back.

Here’s how it’s done. If you really feel you MUST forward that email, first check it out to see if it’s true. Like I said, you can go to truthorfiction.com, snopes.com, or the spam watchdog of your choice.

If it’s true, then go ahead and press the forward button, if you must. But bear in mind that any responsible recipient of your message must take the time to check it out for its veracity before spreading the word. Do you really want to make all your responsible friends and relatives take the time out of their day to verify whether or not your forwarded message is true?

If you feel the message is important, and you don’t want them to waste their time, then include the URL’s of your documented resources which confirm it’s true. (If you don’t know what a URL is, then please invest a little time in learning more about the Internet and email before you find yourself contributing to the spam and hoaxes dilemma.)

Send the message TO yourself. Then find the “Bcc” option in your email program. It’s there…you just have to look for it. Put the email addresses of those you feel compelled to forward the message to in that “Bcc” box (Blind Courtesy Copy).

Before you click the Send button, do everyone a favor and DELETE all the email addresses in the body of the message, so you’re not disseminating personal information across cyberspace for years to come. Really. (If nothing else, learn how to use the Delete key on your keyboard.)

So…do you really want to forward that email? Do you want to take the time to find out whether or not it’s really true, or do you want to disgrace your name and integrity by spreading falsehoods, scams, spyware, viruses, and a host of other problems…to all of your friends and family?

There is an easy solution. It’s called the Delete key. It’s on every keyboard. When you see “Fwd:” in the Subject line of your incoming mail, it’s your choice. You can read it, research it, and decide whom you will discreetly disseminate the information to.

Or, you can save everybody a lot of time, and just hit the Delete key.

It’s your call, and your name and integrity are riding on it. Do you want everyone to immediately hit the Delete key whenever they see your name in their inbox?

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I energetically get up and walk from the kitchen to the study. Once there, I stop in the middle of the room.

Why am I here? What did I come here to get, or to do?

My mind is blank. I walk back to the kitchen, and suddenly remember the book I wanted to get from the study.

Can anyone relate?

I recently received an email from a childhood friend. She mentioned a “Ringo Rango” song we used to sing incessantly on the neighbor’s swing set. I hadn’t thought about that song in over forty years. But suddenly there it was…the tune and words flooding my mind…

Ringo, rango, jinga-jong jango

[Whistle] Hah!

And if I die I ain’t a gonna cry

‘Cause I got me a purty woman’s love

A dollar worth of beans, a new pair of jeans

A woman to cook and wash and sing…

I’ve been trying to get that song out of my head for two days now! I even found it on YouTube and discovered our ten-year-old minds got the words all wrong.

I don’t even remember learning the song…it was simply there…imbedded in my long-term memory. I just learned it was a Fess Parker hit from before I was born, so I figure someone in the neighborhood must have had the record. Back then, we didn’t have many records in our neighborhood. So we played the ones we did have…over and over and over again…until they were permanently engraved in our minds.

Why is it that we can precisely remember things from 40 years ago or so, and can’t remember why we’re standing blank-minded in the middle of a room?

Why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing?

I’m sure there’s a perfectly sound scientific explanation, but I hesitate to find it. It might mean that I’ll have to put forth some effort to change…to exercise my mind.

My tendency is to violently resist change, but I eventually realize that it really is for my own good. Whether it involves doing jigsaw puzzles or memorizing scripture, I’ve got to do something to keep this brain of mine in shape!

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‘Tis the season for politics and campaigns. As the phone rings off the hook with pleas for campaign dollars, I’m reminded of Florida Gov. Jeb Bush’s reelection campaign in 2002.

The Governor was coming to our town…a momentous event! But alas, it was on a weekday, while most of the kids were in school (except for the smart teachers who arranged to have their classes attend the downtown gala). Not a problem for those of us who were home educators, though. We came in full force, flooding the downtown park with school-age children and parents, eager to have their kids take place in this historical event.

Lunch was on the Governor, and we lined up for juicy hot dogs, chips, and soda. Tons of local businesses were manning their tables, giving out promotional items. The kids were thrilled with all the pens, light-up key chains, soft-drink coozies, rulers, Frisbees, etc.

But I had one thing on my mind, and one thing only. I was bound and determined to get a photo of my kids with the Governor. The odds were against us. Throngs crowded the dignitary, and the chances seemed slim for getting the prized photo.

There I was, like a mother hen, clucking and squawking at my little chickadees to stay close as I scurried to keep up with the Governor’s moves throughout the crowd.

“There he is, kids! Go this way!”

“No, now he’s going that way. Run!”

This went on for a good while. The Governor was surrounded by the multitude. It didn’t look good for my planned photo opp, but I wasn’t moved. I had only one thing on my mind.

How can we get to him?

Attempt after failed attempt, I kept herding the kids, swaying with the Governor’s changing movements through the crowd.

All of a sudden, the perfect moment arrived. The Governor’s bodyguards were trying to get him out of the park. They and the Governor came face to face with none other than one crazed Mom with a flailing camera and three bewildered children.

This is it! It’s now or never!

Time seemed to come to a screeching halt as the Governor and bodyguards found their path blocked by one determined woman and three cute kids.

“Picture with the kids, Governor?” I asked with a smile.

Kids? How could he turn it down? The bodyguards wore stern frowns, the crowd fell silent, and it was just between me and him…the Governor.

“Sure,” he said.

“OK, kids, stand with the Governor,” I said.

They nervously scurried to his side, and the pressure was on. The bodyguards scowled, the Governor smiled, and I had to take this prized, perfect picture.

Like I said, the crowd fell silent. Everyone was waiting on this lady-out-of-nowhere-who-had-the-gall-to-ask-the-Governor-for-a-picture-while-he-was-trying-to-leave.

I pressed the shutter, but nothing happened.

I was dumb-founded, as were the nervous bodyguards and waiting crowd. The Governor himself broke the awkward silence.

“You need to take off the lens cover,” he said.

“D’oh!” I thought in Homer Simpson style.

Everyone amazingly waited in patient silence as I removed the lens cover.

I aimed again, and quickly said, “One, two…three!”

The shutter clicked, the crowd sighed with relief, and the bodyguards scurried the Governor to his waiting motor coach.

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Perhaps you’ve heard or read the story about the young lady who prepared for work one morning. She chose her outfit, but was a little uncertain about it.

Do I look OK in this?

She decided to go with it, albeit her doubts. That morning, everyone complimented her on how great she looked. She was on top of the world, filled with energy and confidence.

Just before lunch, however, one co-worker said to her, “Gee, that outfit makes you look fat.”

Totally deflated, the young lady went directly home for lunch and changed her attire.

The moral of the story? Our words have power—great power—to lift someone’s day and energize their confidence. Or, to zap their life’s energy and totally drain them of any shred of self-confidence they carried with them that day.

The truth is, we all have our up’s and down’s. Sometimes we’re on top of the world, and absolutely nothing or no one can get us down. On those superlative days, negative comments are “their problem,” and not ours. We’re so on top of it that we even send good thoughts toward the naysayers, and perhaps even say a prayer for them.

On our “down” days, however, we’re a little more vulnerable. The innocent comment becomes a dagger to the heart. A momentary smirk lays the groundwork for questioning self-doubts.

In between the “superlative” days and the “down” days, we just manage the best we can, embracing all the positive blessings that come our way, while shielding ourselves as best we can from forces that oppose us.

Why do we “settle for” the kind of day we’re having? Why not take command of our environment and decide to be a positive force in each and every moment of the day?

Having a negative confrontation with someone? Why react in kind? Maybe he/she is just having a really bad day. Why not speak life and energy, goodness and kindness into his/her day? No matter how badly you may be feeling yourself, you can still smile, and think of something positive to say. You can give that person a gift…of life and energy and love.

It will come back to you. Again, it will come back to you. You’ve heard it before, and I’ll say it again, “What goes around comes around.”

A man named Paul said it better, “…a man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7b)

It’s so true. What we give out, is what we will receive.

“Give, and it shall be given unto you…”

Make someone’s world a little brighter today. You have that power…it will come back to you.

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“Well, I finally hung out my shingle,” I said to my 21-year-old son, a few days ago.

“Your what?”

“My shingle.”

“Is there something wrong with our roof?”

Is it me getting old, or doesn’t anyone use that expression anymore?

I’m sure the people my age still use it anyway. “Hanging out one’s shingle” is an American idiom dating back to the early 1800’s, when lawyers, doctors, and other businesses used shingles for signboards. When you walk along a sidewalk in a downtown area, you can often see little signs in front of businesses, hanging above the sidewalk. These always remind me of the expression “hanging out your shingle.”

I finally hung out mine. I’ve been thinking about it for far too long, and it was time to just do it. What kept me stifled in inaction was not knowing exactly what I wanted the “shingle” to say. My husband is a brilliant entrepreneur, and has been ever since his father gave him a wagon-load of tomatoes to sell when he was five. (If you saw a picture of him at age five, you’d understand how no one could say “No” to him.)

When we got married over 26 years ago, he told me he didn’t want me to have to work. I could if I wanted to, but he preferred I utilize my talents doing volunteer ministry work. Yes, even back then were post-feminist-movement times, but I thought it was very sweet and courageous of him to say that.

A few years later when I had three small children, I was very thankful for my husband, to be able to stay home with them. But I would become livid when I’d write a check at the grocery store, and the cashier would ask me, “Do you work?”

You bet your @#*! I work!

No, I didn’t unleash those nasty thoughts on the thoughtless inquisitor. But my eyes would pop with astonishment at her insensitive question as I tended to a shopping cart loaded with food and kids. With three small children at home, You bet your @#*! I work!

The kids got older and started leaving for college. With the ever-encroaching “empty nest” syndrome, I knew I needed to find some way to utilize my talents and gifts profitably.

“What do I want to be when I grow up?” became my mantra. I got lots of ideas, and bought way too many website URL’s.

Finally, it hit me.

Why don’t I just keep doing what I’ve been doing for years (for free) as a volunteer, because I absolutely love it?

Bingo! This is it. I’ve been working with non-profit organizations for years, helping them increase their donation and membership levels. I can continue to help the non-profits, but why not offer my specialized marketing training and experience for for-profit organizations as well?

So, I hung out my shingle at http://judyransom.com/ . No, son, it has nothing to do with the roof or shingles. But it has everything to do with hanging me out on the line.

If you’ve been thinking about hanging out your own shingle, I encourage you to just do it. Yes, it’s scary, but getting out of your comfort zone always is. It’s been said that the greatest enemy to human potential is your comfort zone. Squash the enemy…stretch out into the unknown so you can grow. You’ll be glad you did!

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We all like to be around people who are energizers. They have positive things to say about situations and other people, they give complements to boost your confidence, they thank you for your efforts, and they are generous with their smiles and laughter. If you make a mistake, they’ll shrug it off and help you move on.

Drainers are the kind of people we should try to avoid hanging out with…and being. They usually have something negative to say about situations and other people. They criticize, condemn, and complain, and can’t stand to see others around them enjoy success. They rarely smile or thank you for anything, and if you make a mistake, they’ll most likely laugh and rub your nose in it. Whew…it’s draining just thinking about their negative influence.

The point is, we all have an effect on the people around us. We can either infuse them with life and energy, or we can suck the life right out of them. Interestingly enough, drainers choose the path of least resistance. The natural law of decay is present in every facet of our lives. A piece of fruit left out in warm conditions will soon decay without the intervention of proper care. Likewise, unless we purposefully and willfully intervene with our in-born, natural tendency to dwell on negatives, we will become drainers.

You’ve heard the saying, “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch.” It ain’t true. One bad apple makes those closest to it start rotting, which in turn, start rotting those around them. It’s the natural law of decay.

Start listening to your self-talk. If you do nothing to change it, then you will find yourself criticizing, condemning, and complaining. These negative thoughts will sink down into your heart and spill out of your mouth. They’ll have a negative impact on your life, and on those around you.

Your life will take the course that most reflects your ingrained, pervasive thoughts. Garbage in, garbage out. Inward truth, energy, love, and virtue will spill out into your life, and into the lives around you. But the latter takes concerted effort. It doesn’t just “happen.”

Look for the energizers in life…positive people, good books, uplifting music and movies, etc. Run away from the drainers…people who drag you down and make you feel blaaaah. Avoid negative input as much as you can, and when you can’t, don’t take it personally. The negativity of drainers isn’t your problem…it’s theirs. If you put forth some effort, you can find something positive to say in the face of their draining onslaughts.

You can be an energizer…it’s just a thought away! Enjoy good thoughts today…about yourself and those around you.

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I think it’s a sin to bore people. If I was there back in Moses’ day, I’d be petitioning God for just one more commandment:

Thou shalt not bore people.

We’ve all been there. You’re in a meeting or class session, and you’re a captive audience. By “captive,” I mean the social pressure is dictating you politely remain in your seat, quietly, until you’ve been given permission to get up and run for the door.

The male perspective of a good talk is this: Keep it like a woman’s skirt—long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep it interesting.

(OK, ladies, we need to come up with a female perspective on this, but it’s going to be a challenge. What does a woman want from a man that’s “long enough…but short enough?” I’m open for comments. Please leave them below…and please keep it respectably clean…to a point.)

There’s always a magical point in a speech, teaching, or presentation. It’s the point where it should come to a perfect end.

ATTENTION ALL YOU SPEAKERS: It’s the point where you should STOP TALKING.

It really is a magical point. If the speaker/teacher/presenter goes beyond this point, everyone in the room seems to know it, because they start fidgeting, and looking at their watches or cell phones. Everyone seems to know this magical point, except the one speaking…who is breaking the 11th Commandment. He is SINNING. He is stealing other people’s time…which could be better spent doing what the people like/need to do, rather than what the SINNER blindly thinks they’d like more than anything else—to listen to him rabbit-trailing himself beyond the magical stopping point.

It isn’t always the focal speaker who commits this sin, however. Sometimes there’s a maverick in the crowd who hijacks the time, thinking it’s his responsibility to unleash all his minutely-individualized questions and concerns upon both the speaker and the entire group present. He starts robbing everyone’s time with his pet issues…which no one else really cares about.

SPEAKERS BEWARE: Just tell these time-robbing, 11th-Commandment-breakers that you can address their individualized concerns at the end of the session…after everyone else has been released, so they can politely head for the door if they want to.

So…when is this magical point when a speaker should stop? It could be five or ten minutes, or even 30 minutes. For the exceptional speaker, it could be much longer.

If you’re given an allotted time to speak, stick to it, lest you break the 11th Commandment. On the other hand, if you’re totally in charge of how much time you have to speak, beware. Read your listeners…their expressions, their actions. If you speak powerfully, and bring them to a point of decision, then help them make the right decision. Give them a call to action. Make it clear…what they need to do and how to do it.

Then stop talking.

Don’t break the 11th Commandment.

On behalf of captive audiences everywhere, Thank You!

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I was driving home just the other day when a big SUV ahead of me, much larger than my car, slowed down and came to a stop in the middle of the road. I stopped and waited. I saw the SUV’s reverse lights go on as it began to back up. I realized the driver didn’t see me. I laid on the horn, holding it down until the driver finally saw me and stopped. Hands of apologetic flurries shot out from both the driver and passenger windows and waved me on.

I drove by, digging the tunes on my radio, and smiled. Years ago, it would have been a far more confrontational scenario.

I used to be a hot-head…behind the wheel of a car…returning an item at a store…or at home. After each blow-up I’d be filled with regret.

“I hope that driver didn’t recognize me.”

“How can I be a witness of God’s love to that store clerk ever again?”

“God, please don’t let me screw up my kids!”

My explosions of anger tormented me relentlessly.

I always told myself that I couldn’t control my temper, and I used the excuse that I was just a hot-head. I consoled myself by saying that was just the way I was, and there was nothing I could do to change my personality.

I read books on anger and studied the Bible on anger. Nothing changed. But then one day I picked up a little pamphlet by Jay E. Adams, What Do You Do When Anger Gets The Upper Hand? I experienced an epiphany and was never the same again.

This pamphlet made me realize that I actually did know how to control my temper…when I stood to lose something if I blew my top. I could be super cool with an employee I wanted to keep, but a raging fool with my children. I realized that I truly chose when I would control my temper. At home, I had learned to simply abandon all restraints.

It was time to learn a new behavior.

I decided to practice the same restraints I exercised at the office…while in the most precious environment of all—at home with my family. Lo and behold, through many prayers and trials I began to change. My moments of “losing it” grew fewer and farther between.

I used to think it was a good thing to be able to “blow up,” and then simply move on. I didn’t realize the gaping emotional wounds I left in those floundering in the wake of my explosions.

I’ve since learned that “venting” anger only gives it more life, just as a boiling teapot keeps whistling furiously if you leave it on a hot burner.

A soft answer truly does turn away anger. We simply need to give ourselves soft answers when the anger starts to boil. Thomas Jefferson counted to ten, or even one hundred when angry. I would rather softly whisper to myself, “These are the people I cherish most in this world…my children…my spouse. If I can control my temper anywhere else, then I can surely control it where it matters most…in the peaceful safe haven of my home.”

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Do you remember all the dreams you had as a child? Back then you had time to dream, and few limits on what was impossible.

What happened to all those dreams? Have they been crowded out by the day-to-day grind of doing what you have to do? Have a few setbacks allowed a little discouragement to cloud your dreams?

Don’t give up on yourself. Where there’s life, there’s always hope. You really can make your dreams a reality.

I believe that your life will bring forth what’s in your heart. If you spend a lot of time in bitterness, thinking over past regrets, then you don’t have much positive “heart” material to bring forth good things in your life. On the other hand, if you have an overall attitude of gratitude for all the good things you do have, you have a lot more potential for making positive things happen in your life.

Have you ever written down a goal or dream, tucked it away, and then found it months or years later, and realized it actually came to pass? I have…many times.

Here’s my theory on why this happens. Every day you have hundreds and thousands of thoughts flying through your brain cells. You think, “Hey, that’s a good idea.” Then you get distracted by what’s going on around you, and you can easily forget about that good idea.

But what if you happened to have a pen and paper handy? And what if you wrote down that good idea…that goal…that dream? I’d say you would highly increase the likelihood of that idea, goal or dream becoming reality.

There’s something about seizing one of those hundreds of fleeting thoughts, capturing it in a moment of time, and crystallizing it into words on paper…that makes things happen. Once it was a thought, but now, by the act of writing, you’ve etched it into existence, permanence and reality.

You know you have good ideas, goals and dreams. Why not write them down? That will be your first step toward making them reality. I believe that once you write them down, even your subconscious goes to work, bringing you closer and closer to what you have formulated into words on paper.

Ah, but when to write them down? Maybe you can scribble one at a stop light…or in a line at the bank…or in a waiting room. If you commit yourself to writing them down, you’ll find the time.

Ideally, you’d have a “dream weekend” planned, where you—and possibly your significant other—could get away from all distractions and just focus on writing down your ideas, goals and dreams. Not a bad idea!

If you won’t schedule a “dream weekend” for yourself, then you can at least make an appointment with yourself to block out a morning, afternoon or evening, or even just one hour to dream.

Isn’t that something? Dreaming came so easily and naturally as a child. Now as adults we have to schedule it in. But that’s OK. Value your time to dream and set goals. You’re worth that much, aren’t you? There are some real gems at work in your heart, and you need to allow yourself the time to put them down on paper.

If you need a little prompting, here are some categories you can write at the top of each page, and then fill in as you give yourself the time and opportunity to do so. I’ve included some examples with each category. You’ll be amazed at what will come out as you put pen to paper. Fleeting thoughts…crystallized into words…now on their way to becoming reality.

Don’t allow yourself to be limited by obstacles. Ignore them. Write like you’re a twelve-year-old with no inhibitions.

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Spiritual (Read the Bible; devote more time to prayer; read more spiritual books)

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