Why The Heck Not...

Nothing triggered this thought....other than heavy drinking last night. But...I spent my time driving to work today saying out loud, "Why Can't I Just Die" and, "I Just Want To Die" over and over several times.

I know, I know....I need to stick around for my kids, my Mom, my friends what few I have and even you guys.

But.....the fact remains.....those thoughts pound into my head like a hammer to a nail. I havent showered in 2 days. I have shaved in as much. I was going to trim my goatee last night, but instead I drank.

I did manage to get my laundry done....lol

And my landlord is going to help me and try to hook up with this single girl in my building. So all is not lost......yet.....still.......damn it.....

I know the thoughts are so tiring and a major pain in the ass to your lifestyle and drive to want to continue. But like you posted, you have got a possible "prospect" in the near future. Who knows maybe she will help to turn those thoughts to I want to live and I want to fight!!! And maybe a shave would be in line now? (lol) If nothing else you'll have something clean to where (lol). Awww hun I hope you can see this little flicker of hope you have and that you can make it grow and grow. Good luck.

Yep I am going to shave and shower when I get home. Then...I am going to cook up a steak and some steak fries and relax to a night of video gaming and tv with my cat. I am going to try and not drink tonight. That's gonna be the hard part.

Hey i feel for you i have these thoughts often,for me its often because of the frustration i feel in my life,and remember alcohol is a depressant,hope thing go well with the girl,thats some thing to work on ,good luck hun.

Hey FPS that sounds like a good idea. Nothing in the world is better than a shower, steak, and video games. Let's be honest I'm sorry to hear those thoughts are so prevalent. To sound a bit hypocritical, can I suggest cutting down on your drinking? It's really not the safest thing to do when depression gets that heavy...or at least it's worth a try to see if makes you feel better.

Well, you know me... My whole life is upside down when I drink.. and it doesn't go away all at once. It takes me two weeks of not drinking to get back to normal. I can be deadly depressed and want to die and after a couple days of being sober, I'm walking around with a smile on my face.

I am a true Jekyl and Hyde of alcoholism. I don't get violent or anything... just suuuper depressed... but it's all chemical

Well, you know me... My whole life is upside down when I drink.. and it doesn't go away all at once. It takes me two weeks of not drinking to get back to normal. I can be deadly depressed and want to die and after a couple days of being sober, I'm walking around with a smile on my face.

I am a true Jekyl and Hyde of alcoholism. I don't get violent or anything... just suuuper depressed... but it's all chemical

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if u know that you will get super depressed after you drink, then why put yourself throught it? I feel down when i drink and thats why until now, i dont drink.