January 28, 2010

Time flies when you're having fun. Since I was a little girl, I have cherished my birthday. I make it a big deal because it is. I don't expect gifts because the gift of another year is all I need. Now what I do expect is recognition of MY DAY! I do love the attention. So consider yourself warned....don't forget my birthday!

Now I need to start thinking of how I want to celebrate this year. Hmmm....

January 27, 2010

Wow! Bible study was amazing tonight. Pastor has been doing a relationship series since the start of the year. His focus for this year is on the Black Family. Its a State of Emergency and we need rebuilding. Anyway, this week's topic was "The Curse of the Man." I was all ready to hear about what "they" do wrong and how "they" can do better, but who knew God would have a word for me on the part "I" play in my own demise. Pastor made the point that the best way to get a man to be spiritual and be what you need him to be is not with your lips, but with your life. He said that women who nag men and yap at the mouth about this and that have a "Jezebel Spirit." It was like he slapped me across the face (and my sister too who was sitting next to me with the same look of shame on her face LOL).

We all do it and we need to stop. We need to let men be men and not run them away with our words. They do not listen to us when we speak down to them or make them feel less than they are. We say that we understand that a wife should be submissive to her husband, but do not walk and talk like we believe it. I have a very strong personality.

One of my very good male friends calls me Bossy. I know he's joking, but there's truth to it. Just the other day he called me and asked was I sick or something because I sounded so sweet. I need to do better and this word tonight was confirmation of that. I'm tired of being a Jezebel!! Silence is a more powerful.

January 22, 2010

Okay so around the holidays I met this guy. I was in Macy's looking for a Christmas gift for Brolaw (my sister's boyfriend). I was singing "The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole, and I was so in the spirit of the season, I had no idea I was as loud. When I went into the men's section, I startled a man with my singing. I apologized, and he said that I must really like that song. I laughed it off and went about my business. Mental note: I really do need to work on being aware of my surroundings and notice when men are noticing me. So I begin the hunt for the perfect gift for the perfect man (I love Brolaw--I wish we could share him HAHA!) Then my admirer asked what the person I was shopping for liked and blah, blah, blah. I answered his questions, still not thinking anything of it, and he continued to press. That is when the cloud lifted and I actually looked at him and noticed he was a cutie. Then I said loudly and clearly that I was looking for a gift for my sister's boyfriend, just so he would know my intentions (wink wink).

….Yada, yada, yada, I gave him the digits. The next morning I got a TEXT saying "Good morning." I kinda had an idea it was him, but asked who it was. He TEXTED "It's the man who woke up and thought of you, Texter." (Note: I will from this point call him "Texter") I figured fine it's early in the AM and he was just reaching out, so cool. Nice to be thought of. Then....he begins to TEXT me throughout the day asking random questions and asks when we will see each other. Okay, I tried to give him the benefit if the doubt. Maybe he can't talk at work and he just wanted to keep the connection going. Well the TEXT-ing continued for a week. At one point, I got annoyed and called. No answer. He responded the next day with...you guessed it...A TEXT!!!! I stopped responded all together. When I did not respond to the texts, I finally got a call. Cool! Now we were cooking with grease! We set a date. Movie and conversation was cool. I voiced my issue with the texting and told him that I was interested in getting to know him better by talking more. He agreed and the next day....yes again...another TEXT!! We went back and forth a few times. Then when I realized that I don't even know what this brotha sounds like, I gave up.

Now we are in an age where technology has us afforded the opportunity to get our message across without having to have any human contact. Texting while dating may be cool for some, but I'm old school. I think that texting is fine here and there especially after you have already established a bond. Shooting texts to your sweetie, like "how is your day" or "I was just thinking about you," add to a relationship. When you meet someone new, you can't text them saying, "Tell me about yourself." To really get to know someone you have to communicate in SOUND! I'm a talker. I talk a lot. Too much sometimes...really all the time. Texting is a way of communicating without having to talk. And as my very handsome and intelligent cousin just informed me, it's a way "to kill time."

The final straw...

One night he TEXTED wanting me to come by and watch a movie with him at his place...BLANK STARE....Was he serious?? Unfortunately, he was. Texter then begins to tell me that he really likes me and thinks I am beautiful and wants us to really get to know one another better and that he thinks we could be good together. All of this in a TEXT!!!!....BLANK STARE....I, in my final text, tell him thanks for the TEXT, but if he was really interested in me he would call me and if anything should change to let me know....He TEXTED back, "Huh?" Exactly. Peace. LMBO!

What a week! The devastation in Haiti and the death of the one and only Teddy P. So sad! After watching CNN all week and crying, one day I saw something AMAZING! In the middle of all the rubble and dead bodies, a group of Haitians were singing and shouting. For them to be able, in the midst of death and destruction, to still have joy--to still have FAITH.....It stopped me. I have made some things in my life bigger than they need to be. Although, I know I am blessed and I am thankful for my life, I can, at times, take the simple things for granted. As I continue to pray for everyone affected by the earthquake in Haiti, I think about 10 things that I am grateful for this week:

1. Food, water, and shelter, and especially FOOD ;)

2. My family and friends.

3. My job.

4. Peace of mind.

5. My singleness. Yes, I’m single, but at least there is no my man in my life that gives me a headache. I rather be alone than have someone and still feel like I’m alone. YES!!!

6. Laughter and American Idol. I don’t really watch the show, but this week with all the sadness on TV I needed an outlet. I laughed until I cried happy tears. “Pants on the ground. Pants on the ground. Lookin' like a fool wit’ your pants on the ground.” LMBO!! Priceless!

8. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Not just for the day off tomorrow (it is nice though), but for paving the way for me to be who I am today and for making a way for my children and their children to be anything they want to be, even President of the United States--YES WE CAN!!

9. The Minnesota Vikings for defeating the COWGIRLS! Nuff said!

AND last but not least,

10. The Word of God and Philippians 4:7, which reminds me that “…the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

January 12, 2010

I'm just sick to death of having to pay bills every month. I know that God is a provider and supplies all my needs and every month I am afforded the opportunity to support myself, but I don't want to. Seriously, just when I get comfortable another one arrives. Why do they have to always have my name on it? Why can't it be addressed to someone else? Don't get me wrong I know that bills are a rite of passage and whether you are married or single you still have to pay up at the end of the day for the air you breathe, but my 1 income is tired or paying ALL the bills in the house. I would pay a ridiculous amount of money to someone, anyone who could press a button and make all my debts PAID IN FULL....TODAY!!!

Now, in a couple of weeks after this wound has healed, I will go back to my cheery self and sing praises to God for His blessings. I am able to pay everything on my own with no help from a single soul. No one is looking for me with their hand held out waiting for their payback. I can answer the undisclosed phone calls without panic attacks. I can eat out, go to movies, vacation, and live my life to the fullest. But why does all this have to be at MY EXPENSE!?!?! I'm just saying!

January 11, 2010

First, thank you for taking the time to listen to me ramble. Yes, my mind is cluttered with random thoughts and I figured why not let it out. Please do not be mistaken. This blog is not designed for your entertainment purposes only. I'm doing it for me. This is a way for me to scream out loud, vent my issues, laugh at life, and cry over spilled milk, just because. It's therapeutic for my trials of living this fabulous life ALONE. It’s about love, relationships, work, family, spirituality, health and wellness and everything else that I see and feel in this vessel called a SINGLE BLACK WOMAN.

I have been thinking about blogging for a long time and the perfectionist in me could not decide on a background. It had to be just right. Not too bright, not too girly, easy for people to see. Then today I just said WHATEVER (as my mother always says). Who cares what you think about my background. It has nothing to do with my message. Figured I'd just pick something that makes me smile. Butterflies...

Its kinda funny because no matter how much we say we don't measure what we do, how we dress, what we say based on other people, ultimately we care what people think of us. I crossed over into 2010 deciding to be me and not be concerned with people's perceptions of me. Yes, I'm 30+ and I am single. How can I expect society (and my family) to accept my marital status if I don't? I'm tired of that stupid question, "Why are you single?" My own mother calls me a waste. You have to know her to understand what she means. She wants the best for me. She sees my beauty, inside and out and cannot understand why I do not have a man to share my life with. I realized that I’m usually fine until someone looks at me with pity or makes me feel that my life is not complete unless I have a family of my own. I have 2 degrees, a great job, my own home and I’m cute to death ;) Yet, the only thing that matters to some folk is that I do not have MRS in front of my name.

Well I rang in the new year once again toasting to ME with my sparkling apple cider and I thanked God for peace of mind, good health, my family, my friends, and a special someone that doctors told me would not make it to 2010. That’s something to be grateful for. Nothing else matters. I am not sure what 2010 holds for me, but whatever it is I’m excited. I look forward to the journey and welcome you along for the ride. If you take something from this blog that blesses you, I'm happy. If something you read makes you want to cuss me out, I'm happy. My goal is to get women and men talking about what's not being said. REAL TALK!!

Please feel free to leave your comments. "We find comfort among those who agree with us--growth among those who don't." (Frank A. Clark)

Who am I?

I'm Phyllis, a wife, crazy aunt, and lover of DIY projects, home organization, yummy food, traveling and girlie things. I blog about all of that and whatever comes with my life after the aisle. Enjoy! XOXO

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Favorite Quotes

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that YOU love, well…that's just fabulous." - Carrie Bradshaw, "Sex and the City"

"Imperfection is beauty; madness is genius. And it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." - Marilyn Monroe

"Don’t cry for a man who’s left you, the next one may fall for your smile.” - Mae West

Disclaimer of Liability

This blog contains the thoughts and feelings of THIS Black woman. I do not claim to speak for ALL Black women. Please do not blame them for my words or actions. I, in turn, will not blame ALL men for the words and actions of the few that may have crossed my path, some of which you will read about from time to time. The names of the individuals I speak of will be changed to protect them from future humiliation. Now, piss me off and that can change. Smooches!