Monday, January 29, 2007

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Staying at my grandparent's place really has a different feel to it. I guess it's been a while since I lived in a house compared to a room or apartment. What's more, I'm living in a house in a quiet .I can hear the trees moving in the wind behind the windows, the rain softly drizzling, the cicadas chirping and in the morning I awake to the chirping of birds.

It's very nice. Even if it was a little too early for me to get up.

It's certainly not the first time I've stayed with them as I used to sometimes stay over when I was little and stayed closer. But I guess you could say this time aound I'm a little bit more observant.

How do two people live together for so long? There's no lovey dovey romance going on at this age. But there's no doubt that there's a strong bond between them that's held throughout the years, supporting and caring for each other's needs. Both of them know they can depend on each other, even with their own children, and they share such a long history together. Trust is a given. In their own quiet way, they move along with life together, never raising their voices.

Until a cicak** is spotted behind the painting.

Grandma: Eeks, a cicak! Watch it for me while I get the insecticide.Me: Mama, just let it be. It's not a pest.Grandma: Yes it is! It leaves shit all over the place. I hate it!

*pssssssssssssst*

Me: Mama, you're using too much insecticide! You're going to suffocate us too!

Grandma: Nobody asked you to stay here and smell it!

*psssssssssssssssssst*

Cicak falls to the floor.

Grandma: Ha, got it!

Another cicak runs out and hides behind the curtains.

Grandma: Another one! Watch where it goes.

*pssssssssssssssssssssssst*

Me: Ack... I'm going upstairs.

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cicak** means lizard.

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Mama:Did you hear about someone offering jobs to graduates, offering salaries of RM2700?

Me: That's qutre a good amount.

Mama: Only they had to pay RM80 000 first to get the job.Me: It was a con, right?Mama: The man ran away with a few million ringgit. These were graduates you know - I can't imagine how they can be so stupid. They had to borrow that money from their friends and relatives.

Me: Even if they declare bankrupt, they still have to face those people.Kong kong: Don't you remember how I avoided that other con job long ago? The man had some sort of scheme where he owned some tin ingots that was once owned by Sukarno. I told him that from the very start that my test of trust is that he doesn't ask me for money. I wasn't interested in the scheme. For a long time he didn't - until at last he needed money to ship these ingots out. He got angry with me because I refused, saying it was only a few thousand and I wasn't wiling to help him out. But in the end my friend who paid for the shippping costs was conned.Me: That story sounds ridiculuos.Mama: Don't look down on them. They had documents like the landing form and certificate of ownership.Me: Wow!Kong Kong: Documents can be forged. The only test that works is if they ask you for money. Let them know from the start that you refuse to part with your money for any reason. They can waste your time all they like, but let them know if they want money from you they're wasting their time.

Monday, January 22, 2007

And so it was that a knight's duties carried him across the seas, to the place down under. But his heart was burdened, as he had recently fallen with a lady who could not come with him. As the day drew nearer, he had decided to leave the lady gracefully and give her freedom to seek her fortunes without him.

Knight: Lady, my honor dictates that I advise you to seek for another to fill your heart. For as you know, I am leaving for the place down under for at least two years and may not return. You are yet young and you have many who will guide you to find a suitable man in my stead. Please, accept my blessings. May you your life be prosperous and peaceful.Lady: That is not neccesary. I will wait for you for those two years. Or longer, if need be.

The knight was taken aback by the ladys response.

Knight: Such is the act of a wife of many years, yet we have only been courting for 2 months! What you speak of is madness! We have not built enough together for our love to endure such long periods away from one another.Lady: We can continue to build what relationship we do have through letters. You are articulate, are you not?Knight: Lady! Thou art daft!Lady: Daft and mad I may be, but my decision stands firm.

As the lady was a young thing and naive to the ways of the world, and the knight doubted she fully understood what she had promised or what she would lose for making such a promise.

Knight: I can not in good faith agree to this. My decision must also stand firm. Will you wait for me even if I declare myself free from our relationship to look for another in that place down under?Lady: I will. Only if you seek to be free, I have a request of you in turn. Until the day you leave, there will be no talk of seeking for another. You are mine, and I am yours alone.

The night considered his options, looking for the most honorable method of dealing with this lady.

Knight: I am utterly defeated by your words. Very well. I have no choice but to agree to your terms. Until the day I leave, we shall continue on. And we shall do our best to put it out of our minds that I shall leave you then.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Regret has been a recurring theme in my life. How much of my life was wasted in devotion to a faith that I no longer believe in. The heart of a girl that I broke in my desperate attempts in finding myself. Failing to notice earlier that my mother was in pain from the knowledge that her husband was cheating on her. And another failing that I dare not mention even here where I pour out so much of my heart, due to my utmost shame. Yeah, I can carry a grudge.

As time passes by, sometimes we make mistakes. Some are small, some are so big that they leave a scar in the form of regrets. But not all memories leave regrets.

When the year began, I had come to realise how much I lacked. How I needed to grow stronger in various ways. So I've spent the year trying to do just that. Over the past few months, I had the opportunity to test myself.

And surprise suprise, I feel like I've passed. I've come to realise that, yes, I can handle a relationship. Even a challenging one. I can handle my studies, manage my money, organise a household's worth of chores, hold a steady job. I'm utterly certain that I have a chance of making these things work. All of them. I'm not there yet - I still need to grow stronger. But at least, my confidence is growing. I know I'm moving forwards.

I'll be leaving for Australia again at the end of Febuary. I may not be coming back for any definate period of time for the next 2 years. It's a long time.

I don't regret anything from the past few months. And I'm very grateful. Thank you, everyone that has supported me all this way. Good luck.

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`Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, `It was a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late.' So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been.

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This blog will no longer update. A new blog is on its way, but it will be awhile before it's made. Thank you for reading thus far and all your comments, whoever you are. I've greatly appreciated it.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Me: ...So I won't be following you back to Melaka to see our grandparents this weekend. I'll go myself later.Mum: Are you sure? It'd be nice to go together.Me: Really? I thought it'd be nice to stage it out so that mama and kong kong get to see at least one of us for more days of the week.Mum: Oh, I see. Well...Me: ...Yes mum?Mum: ...Nevermind. That's alright then.Me: Okay, great! See you later mum.

Later, I figured out that my mother probably wanted the family to look united in front of her parents. To make it look that I, my bro and my mum with her new husband were a new family that was close-nit. Something alongthose lines. But she let it go, because the truth was I and my brother did find it difficult to treat a man who didn't share a history with us as family.

It occured to me only much later that it was an unusual thing that I even thought back about that little phrase she said at that moment and why. Most people wouldn't bother and just move on with what they're doing.

Nowadays when I pick up something in someone's voice and find out what it meant if I found out later, I take note of it. So when I hear someone say something over the phone with a hint of something else, later on when I hear why he had reason to be annoyed over some matterI quickly remember how he had spoken on the phone earlier. I also look back at some of the things people said and did and how they did it and why - it helps me judge character better, and maybe understand the person and anticipate the person's needs and actions.

Why do I even bother with such things? Habit born out of neccessity. During more tumilant times in my family I tried to carry the burden of managing the relationships in it. So I learnt a little about finding those little clues that tells me about what has been left unsaid - be it feelings, motives, actions-to-be, impressions, judgement or whatever that people don't always want to share.

Life has many lessons to teach us. We learn different things because we go through different experiences. These things are such obvious things, but sometimes we can't appreciate the truth of such common sense things unless we go through it our selves. There's nothing like experience. It's up to us to learn from these experiences as quickly as possible by observing and contemplating and striving to improve ourselves.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Mental note. While wearing loafers, do not chase after irritating boyfriends who steal your phone and refuse to give it back. Loafers are not meant for running. You will fall if you run in loafers, and you will hurt yourself. Sneakers and running shoes are the way to go.

There will be many sacrifices to be made.There will be many worries that keep us up at night.There will be fighting with those we love.There will be many people telling us we're making a huge mistake, difficult to ignore.There will be many mistakes made that need to be learnt from.There will be new skills to be learnt to accomodate each other.There will be many disagreements.There will be a lot of adjustment.There will be a lot of waiting.

And the reward for all this? We will have each other. Nothing less, nothing more.

There are easier options. Even I think you stand to have a brighter future if you take the easier options. Brighter than the one with me.

But what is my decision? MY say in the matter?

I'm willing to go as far as we can go. I am still willing to move mountains for you. But it takes two hands to clap.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Since I had to explain this concept to someone, I thought I might as well blog about it.

A McGuffin is a plot device in a story, an element in a story that's used to keep it going. For example, the murder mystery in Desperate Housewives, the gem in Romancing the Stone, the Rabbit's Foot in Mission Impossible 3, almost every artifact that Indiana Jones ever searched for - all of these are McGuffins.

(Most people have heard of a 'Deus Ex Machina', another type of plot device. It's an unexpected and improbably event used to entangle situations in the story.)

What the Mc Guffin actually *IS* doesn't really matter to the story at all. Its only purpose is to give some purpose to the show. Often though the show can't go on once it's found, unless another Mcguffin is put forth. As opposed to that, the murder cases in CSI or a court case show is *not* a McGuffin because the show really does focus on the ins and outs of the murder itself.

The McGuffin itself may not be relevant to the plot at all and what most of the show is about.

Quotes from Wiki:-In Notorious (1946), the uranium hidden in wine bottles is a MacGuffin. It is the reason the story takes place, but could just as easily have been diamonds, gold, or rare wine. In fact, during production, there was discussion of changing it to diamonds to be more believable

-Ronin (1998) is an action/thriller that tells the story of a group of former intelligence agents who team up to steal a mysterious metal case which is a MacGuffin. The contents, if they exist, are never shown; the entire plot is not about the contents so much as what happens because of it.

-Hitchcock defined the MacGuffin as the object around which the plot revolves, and as to what that object specifically is, "The audience don't care!"

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Here in this internet cafe, I spot in the corner of my eye some rabid hand movements waving in front of the screens closeby. Looking closely, I notice they're signing in front of the screens, with the moving pictures of their friends signing or typing back to them on-screen.

There are a few pcs with video cameras in this little internet cafe in Melaka. I never noticed them before, but those pcs are always left empty. The other pcs are given away first for games and surfing.

It's amazing that this internet cafe caters for the needs of a minority group. Looks like Malaysia is improving. Slowly. :)

Sunday, January 07, 2007

>>> Trust can be so fickle. Up until the day I came home with a large 'koyok' patch on my neck and tried to pass it off as a neck-ache, I had my mum's almost complete trust. After that she started suspecting me of anything and everything. I was possible of doing anything under the sun.

Since then, we had a little talk when I expressed that I wasn't doing some of the things she suspected and was appalled her opinion of me had dropped by so far.

>>> When Shane started going out with his 'girl power' friends, he'd be constantly harrassed by phone calls from a very anxious and desperate mother. Since then, she's met these friends of his herself and even Shane's brother has met them and has a positive view (so far).

It helps that I went all the way to Shane's place to pick up the PS2. And she's seen me, Shane, Perry and Shane's brother all . She still calls, but much of the panic in her voice is gone. Her room lights were off when I sent him home.

>>> I couldn't help but notice my own phone hadn't been received any calls from my own mum this time. When I got home, two of the lights in the hall were on, dimmed just enough for someone coming home late to see his way without groping in the dark.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Hello all! Strapping Shane here saying hi. Ban Ban Boy here couldn't think of what to post - so he had me write up an entry instead. So thought I'd deface his blog for the heck of it - after all, how many chances do you get to guest post on someone else's blog? Been wanting to do it on me brother Perry's blog for ages though, but I doubt he'd let me anywhere near the blog within a ten-foot range even. Oh well...

Anyway, decided to write something worthwhile while I'm at it here - so here goes:

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Once there was a bunny called Ban,Who thought he was rather quite fun,So he pranced like a ninny,And out hung his willy,'Til he fainted, dried up in the sun.

(Horrible limerick I know - but then again, I am still so psyched about writing in this blog!)

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Does anybody know that Ban likes to whine? =P

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I'm sitting here watching him play a round of Soul Calibur III with my brother Calvin, and I see him getting his ass kicked (despite the fact that he's got more practice with the PS2 controller than Calvin).

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For some reason, he looks quite cute - focused on his games. =)

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I shall now sing a song for fun. Fa~la~la~la~laaaaaa...

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Hmm, I'm thinking of what to write now.

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Five facts about Ban that you may not know:

1. He has this orgasmic look on his face when he eats McDonald's Chocolate Sundaes.2. He chooses practicality over looks.3. Doesn't know how to button bash PS2 controllers apparently (watches as he gets his ass kicked once more by Calvin).4. Sits like a girl. =P5. Looks quite like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. =P (okay, maybe this does not count as a fact =P)

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Hmm... what else to write about. Hmm...

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I met Ban when he was a young bachelor of 26, barely out of his diapers. He met me when I was just spermatozoa. We fell for each other at first sight, and we've been going out ever since.

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Been a month since we started dating. Hmm...

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Guess that's all for now. I'm anxious to get some game time with my brother, and Mr. Ban is hogging the whole controller for himself.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Fiddling with my laptop, I clicked on the little Winamp button on the taskbar. Out pops Winamp, ready to belt out a tune. Absentmindedly I press the play, not even looking at the name of the artist (randomly selection). "Taskinst" by Ayumi Hamasaki, that semi-surreal tune my bf sent me begins to play. I click on the Gtalk window to chat with Alex.

Hold on... why can I hear the song behind me as well? I didn't connect my laptop to speakers. Er...OH! That's my handphone!

It so happened tmy bf switched my handphone's message notification tone to that same song. And at the exact same time a pressed the play button on my laptop I got a message from a friend. End result: Both laptop and phone played the song at the same time. What a coincidence!

I've NEVER done so much driving in my entire life. I'm getting more than a little tired of driving. @.@ For that matter, I've never been so busy, nor spent so much. Food, phone bills, Christmas presents, petrol costs... phew! So much for the stingy-side of me. Apparently, KL-lites are used to travelling and spending a great deal of money and time in shopping malls.

So today I tried watching some TV, revist the PS2, stuff I haven't been doing much at all since I came back. (My bro erased my Trapt saved game! GRRRR!)It's odd. I'm reminded of why I shied away from tv all this time while staring at the soapbox - the stories just don't seem to be very interesting. The flow, the jokes, the love stories, the , it's all has a feeling of 'been here, done that'.

I've come to realise why . When I look back at my own life, and of those around me, the stories on TV shows seem dull in comparison. If I were to put the story of our lives as a drama, well, it feels far more colorful than what's on the tube. Maybe it's because it's real.

Funny that. Stuff like that's never stopped me before. Heh.

In summary? A good year, in so many ways. I've come to realise that I'm not half as strong as I thought I was, but I also found that's okay. If I'm not strong enough, I can grow stronger. I've met so many precious people, and someone to call my own.

Yes, it has been a good year.

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I picked up my pendant a few days back as I was about to leave. But as I put it around my neck, I paused and took it off again to take a good look at it.

What did it represent? Even I wasn't too sure. Lost faith? Perserverance? Hopelessness?

I didn't think so deep. It just felt approriate to wear it at the time. But it doesn't feel appropriate anymore.