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An excerpt …

LANDIS:(enters) Hello. I’m thinking of buying a sailboat. Is this one for sale?

WALKER: Why would you think that this boat is for sale?

LANDIS: Well … it has that big sign that says, “For Sale.”

WALKER: You’re much sharper than you look. Seeing that sign, I, too, would think it is for sale.

LANDIS: I don’t know anything about sailing but I always thought it would be fun. Can I ask you some questions?

WALKER: Sure.

LANDIS: I know the parts of the sailboat have some unique names. To help me word any questions would you tell me what some of the parts of the ship are called?

WALKER: For openers, this is not big enough to be a ship. It has to grow a lot before it becomes a ship. Let’s call it a boat. (points) This is the deck. This is the main mast and that is the main sail. This long pole attached to the bottom of the mast is called the boom, and this …

LANDIS: Wait. Why do they call it a “Boom?”

WALKER: Let’s say you are out sailing. It’s a beautiful day and you are running before a stiff wind. You are standing on the deck admiring the beautiful day when the wind shifts and … Boom. That’s the pole that knocks you in the water.

LANDIS:(imagines the scene, then) Boom!

WALKER: Exactly. This is the tiller that is fastened to the rudder that steers the boat. Think of it as the steering wheel. The front is the bow; the back is the stern. In giving directions, the front is fore … the back is aft.

LANDIS: That’s odd.

WALKER: What is?

LANDIS: Calling it four and aft. Why not call it four and two, or four and one, or just one and two.

WALKER:(pause) I don’t know. I have never asked anyone that question. And I doubt that anyone has ever asked anyone that question.

LANDIS: And those orange things are life jackets.

WALKER: Yes, sometimes called Mae Wests.

LANDIS: Why are they called that?

WALKER: It has to do with padding. I don’t think I should explain more than that. There must be a life-vest for every passenger. If the boat sinks, the floatation device will keep you above water long enough to be run over by another rescue craft.