AFFAIR TYPE QUIZ

IRI classifies infidelity into 7 Affair Types. Each affair type is very different. Only a person that cheated can understand their personal motives. You may find it challenging to align yourself to one of these affair types. For example, sexual addiction is a media favorite to describe a person with a strong sex drive, and who cheats. However, sexual addiction has a medical definition, and a specific treatment program. The desire for sex and cheating does not equal a label of “sex addict.”

Before you begin answering, you may want to know an affair can begin as one affair type, but evolve into another affair type. For example, a one night stand can become a romantic affair time if the couple does not do any relationship repair work after discovery of the affair. A Cheating person often will not work on the relationship issues until they have to e.g. filing for divorce, removing visitation with the children, public embarrassment etc. If you started the affair as one affair type, and now it is another affair type, just take note of the two affair types.

At first it will be hard to separate your story and relate to one of these affair types. Perhaps all the points do not match your situation exactly. However, I believe that to move forward, you must understand your patterns. Breaking your pattern will assist in future infidelity prevention. It will also help your recovery as a couple.

Complete the following sets of questions, answering YES or NO to each question.

Set 1

1) Is this your (or your partner’s) first affair?

2) Do you (does your partner) feel guilty about the affair?

3) Do you (does your partner) feel shame about the affair?

4) Did the affair last less than 4 months?

5) Did the affair happen only once?

6) Do you and your partner usually have a happy relationship?

7) Do you believe in monogamy?

8) Do both of you want your marriage to continue?

9) Was there emotional involvement with the affair partner?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably an Accidental Affairif you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 8 and no to question 9.

Set 2

1) Is this your (or your partner’s) first or second affair?

2) Do you (does your partner) feel guilty about the affair?

3) Have you been married less than 12 years?

4) Did the affair last less than 4 months?

5) Do you and your partner avoid talking about issues that might lead to disagreement or conflict?

6) Do you and your partner usually try to avoid hurting each other’s feelings?

7) Do you believe that you are regarded by friends and acquaintances as the model couple?

8) Do both of you want your marriage to continue?

9) Are you (is your partner) having a hard time ending the affair?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably a Conflict Avoidance Affairif you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 8 and no to question 9.

Set 3

1) Have both of you had affairs in the last year or so?

2) Did the affair(s) last less than 4 months?

3) Do you get into a lot of fights with each other?

4) Do you find that every disagreement turns into a battle?

5) Are your fights the most emotionally intense moments in your relationship?

6) Do both of you want your marriage to continue?

7) Are you (is your partner) having a hard time ending the affair?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably anIntimacy Avoidance Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 6 and no to question 7.

Set 4

1) Are you addicted to alcohol, drugs, food or any other substance?

2) Do you (or does your spouse) engage in other compulsive sexual behavior, such as porno, or cybersex?

3) Do you (or does your spouse) engage in numerous one-night stands or brief affairs?

4) Have you (or your spouse) had affairs throughout your relationship?

5) Was either of your parents sexually addicted?

6) Were you sexually abused as a child?

Your affair or your partner’s affair is probably a Sexual Addiction Affair if you answer yes to most of the questions from 1 to 6.