Plastic? Mutilated? Dolly Parton has never been more real

After performing at Glastonbury this weekend, Dolly Parton was criticised
online for her 'mutilated' appearance. What's more, it was suggested that
women who approve of plastic surgery are anti-feminist. An outraged Daisy
Buchanan hits back

Dolly Parton was criticised for her appearance at GlastonburyPhoto: Geoff Pugh

“I AM A SINGLE, ENGORGED HUMAN GOOSEBUMP!” I shouted at my pals, via Twitter, while curled up on the sofa watching Dolly Parton’s Glastonbury set. There didn’t seem to be anyone on the internet who wasn’t foaming at the mouth with excitement and joy. We watched, as one of the world’s most famous blondes strode up and down the stage, owning it; her set tighter and fuller than her seat - which was the greatest thing ever to be clad in white satin. It was clear that 68-year-old Dolly could beat Pippa Middleton in a bum-off any day of the week.

However, one person wasn’t quite as delighted by Dolly as the rest of us. Comedy writer Graham Linehan tweeted a link to a BBC news comment about her costumes, commenting; “Riiight. And how about the fact that she's completely f****** up her face.” He then added; “Amazing how many supposed feminists are OK with women mutilating themselves in order to meet some f****** up standard of beauty.”

Linehan has missed the point. If there’s ever been a feminist argument for cosmetic surgery, it’s Dolly. She has built her body in the same way that she has built her career. By famously saying “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap,” she unequivocally owned her own aesthetic. After all, she paid for it. Whenever you see Dolly, she’s in the driving seat. Her millions of fans are empowered by her attitude and energy. Her ‘f****** up standard of beauty’ is the one she chose. I’d rather that than any standard of beauty Linehan sees fit to sanction.

His phrasing is especially shocking. When FGM is an issue of growing global concern, it seems singularly inappropriate for him to describe voluntarily undergoing cosmetic surgery as 'mutilation', which is a deeply emotive term.

Recently, American Pie actor Jason Biggs slated his former co-star Tara Reid by criticising her cosmetic surgery choices. Having already once referred to her as a “hot mess”, he told talk show host Joan Rivers “no-one knows what’s going on with Tara’s body,” shortly after he praised Lindsay Lohan’s “nice boobs”.

Jason Biggs: no stranger to discussing women's bodies. Photo: Rex

I’d argue that what Linehan describes as a “f****** up standard of beauty” is fuelled in no small part by comments like the ones Biggs made. Not to mention a long standing assumption, on the part of straight men, that everything a woman does to alter her appearance is for their benefit. It’s not their fault, it’s part of a tradition which goes back further than Helen of Troy. Our culture is packed with poets revelling in their own male gaze, passing judgement over women and finding them wanting. But to do so now is to out yourself as a dinosaur.

It’s no coincidence that Dolly Parton is a heroine of the drag movement. She herself said that if she wasn’t born a girl “I’d be a drag queen.” Drag is an area which celebrates and embraces all aspects of human sexuality and gender, but historically, it’s not something that prioritises the preferences of straight men. And broadly speaking, the standard of beauty is hyper feminine - enormous fake breasts, thick black lashes, lipstick and heels come as standard.

As drag burrows into the mainstream, from the reality series RuPaul’s Drag Race to Conchita Wurst’s Eurovision win, we see thrilling, subversive representations of femininity from people using cosmetics and artifice for their own benefit. They all want to be seen, but they don’t care if they’re considered too outrageous. They’re dressing for no-one but themselves, and they don’t need to be approved of. Happily, we're starting to accept that women feel the same way. We're autonomous beings and act for ourselves. Some men might disapprove of the way we present our bodies, but we don’t need to hear it.

Conchita Wurst. Photo: AP/Frank Augstein.

I often hear men - even well meaning male friends - talking about how much they love the ‘natural look’ and how tight clothes, or too much make-up, is a turn off. It's become OK to assume women who use enhancements and generously applied cosmetics are promiscuous, or stupid. Women like Katie Price and the female members of the Towie cast are often subjected to mockery that’s levelled at the way they have decided to look. I believe that the last acceptable sort of sexism is classist sexism. A woman who gets a boob job is thought to be on the make, or too badly educated to know better.

To me, there’s nothing creepier than a man who is bothered about how you modify your body, or how much make-up you wear. Of course, no one should be pressured to make changes to their physical appearance. So if a guy wants to personally challenge a system in which women feel that pressure, the most effective thing he can do is to stop talking about the way her face looks. Go and write to the cosmetics giants if you must. But stop telling me that my smoky eyes are holding back the sisterhood.

There’s a certain sort of gentleman who thinks he deserves a pat on the back for not being taken in by false glamour. It’s like an old fashioned fairy story, in which they think the plainest casket will contain the greatest reward. Here’s a clue: If you assume your opinion of the way a woman looks is more valid than her own, you’re guilty of objectification. You’ve forfeited your right to be part of feminism and you certainly can’t tell feminists what to think about it. It's this obsessive focus on the way women look that's the problem, not the surgery itself.

Dolly: the real deal.

My favourite thing about Dolly Parton is her frankness. In a world where slender models claim that their bodies are maintained by Pilates alone, airbrushed beauty spokespeople try to convince us that drinking lots of water will give us perfect skin and everyone in Hollywood pretends to have a big thing for burgers, Dolly isn’t dissembling. By being so open about her fakery, she's never been more real.

She’s decided how she wants her body to be, she’s made some dramatic choices in order to attain that physique and she’s told us all how she got there. Men like Linehan and Biggs can make sweeping statements about the falseness or naturalness of women’s bodies, but Dolly has the last word. “I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.”