The horrible bad no good day

Its been...almost 6 weeks since my D&C. This was my 3rd M/C. And its been the hardest. I don't know why, I lost my 1st @ 19wks. I just can't seem to get over this....there are ALOT of pregnant women in my squadron right now, and they're always filing in and out of my office and talking to my other co-workers about their pregnancies and they just radiate and glow and FKN HATE THEM. And I know I'm probably a horrible fkn person but i wish they could feel the pain and heartache i feel everytime i have to look at them. I can't take this anymore, I can't stand looking at them I can't stand listening to them talk, I can't stand feeling like this anymore. I don't know how to get over this. I feel like I should be over it. I got over my other 2 fairly quickly I think...with my 1st, I actually ran away and joined the Air Force so I really didn't have time to think about it, I was to busy in basic and then tech school...and by the time those were over with it had been 5months since the loss. My 2nd i don't feel like I even thoguht about it after 3days....but this time, more than lately, it crosses my mind everyday. And I don't feel like ANYBODY around me understands that this is HARD for me. My best friend comes and stands at my desk and complains about her petty fkin problems like a zit on her eyelid...SHUT UP. I don't want to hear it. When you have real frkin problems, come talk to me. My husband, when I vent to him he just always tells me " we'll be fine, it will happen" yadda yadda yaada...Don't tell me that. Just hug me, kiss me and let me bawl my eyes out and be sad with me. We go to the docs on tuesday the 17th to start our recurrent miscarriage workup. I don't know how thats going to go since we see military docs, and I was HOPING they would do labs on us BEFORE the appt, so we don't go into the appt and have the doc say " well lets do labs see how they turn out and I'll forget about you for a month until you call me back" I want to go in there with something to fkin go on, and we have nothing. So I don't know what the hell the point is if no bloodwork has been taken and I'm really frustrated and angry and I just want someone to sympathize with me and recogize I'm hurting, and not doing well at all and I'm jsut goin on through life trying to be okay, and I'm not. I feel like I'm on the edge of insanity, at my breaking point, done. over it. I don't know what to do anymore......

Comments (4)

I soooo feel ya! This is my 3rd and by far the worst. I feel the same way about everything. I try to look at pg chicks and tell myself that i dont know what they have gone threw and that they may have been down a road like mine and now they are having their miracle baby but that thought goes away pretty quick and i end up angry. I also try to tell myself that someone out there has it worse than i do.

Hi there, I remember you from the June 07' board, we are at the same base. I understand 100%. I have had 3 mc's total, 2 since I've been here, my last one being the day my husband deployed in sept 08'. the docs here royally suck. now I'm having surgery wed. to lose an ovary and maybe more. I cant imagine how hard it must be to go to work and see the pregnant ladies, basically all of my friends but ONE are pregnant, if the last one gets pregnant I swear to god im gonna lose it. im on meds and they seem to help somewhat, maybe that might be an option for you, idk. be VERY persistent with the docs here, the only reason why they finally paid attn to me was because A) it had been so damn long since they'd found my tumor, B) my husband's 1st shirt called the hospital and told them to get their sh*t together. Hang in there. I know it sucks, and that word doesnt justify the pain. I cry almost every damn day I'm such a mess. If you ever want to talk, let me know. *hugs*

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Of course you're 3 m/c is harder. It's hard enough to go through one, let alone 3! And I know exactly how you feel about people's problems being nothing compared to yours. I went through 8 1/2 years of infertility with my first marriage, and it was the same thing. Nothing made me more angry than people complaining about their pregnancies or their piddly little months of trying. Makes you just want to punch people, doesn't it? I know it's hard to deal with all that when you're in the middle of everyone in their happy little pregnancies, but know that we're here for you and we do know how you feel.

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Wife of a surfer, mom of a 6 year old girl and OUR NEWEST PIRATE BABY, a boy born 12/22/10!