A Guide to Having the Best Vagina in Town

Courtney - Bridgewater State University

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There’s been a growing trend in the vag-o-sphere. And it’s all about making your lady parts look pretty and shiny and….bedazzled?! Yes. Bedazzled. Because it’s no longer about the sexy lingerie and the sexy banter. It’s all about dressing up your vagina like every sexual encounter is a debutante ball for your most fun body part. Unsure about what we’re talking about?

So you’re a beginner Vag-terior Decorator? First, you need to remove all your hair. Now you have a few options, let’s discuss:

Waxing: Popular, yet painful. But it sure beats shaving.

Brazilian: Bye bye hair. Like all your hair. A few screams, a few Advils, and you’re hair free for 3-6 weeks.

Laser: Because hot wax wasn’t enough torture for you. The upside? It’s permanent. The downside? Someone is shooting a laser at your vagina.

Now that you’re hairless, it’s time to get fancy:

Vajazzling: The sounds-like-an-SNL-skit procedure was made popular by Jennifer Love Hewitt in 2010. It’s basically bedazzling your down there. Once you’re freshly bare, the crystals are applied to your lady bits. Oh and don’t worry, there is a do-it-at-home kit that comes stocked with different patterns and colors.

Hair grown back? No fear!

Dye it! You now have the option of matching your curtains to the rug! Any rug in your house that is! Yep, you can go for a more natural strawberry blonde or a more wild electric blue.

All these vagina treatments get your Hooha stressing out? Well then it’s time to hit the spa!

Vagina Steam Bath: This treatment involves squatting over a boiling pot of a mugworth tea blended with wormwood and some other herbs sprinkled in. Apparently, this is supposed to reduce stress, fight infections, clear hemorrhoids, regulate menstrual cycles and air infertility.

Vajacial: No you didn’t read the wrong, I’m talking a facial on your vajayjay. Don’t worry, it isn’t like a trip to the gyno. It’s more of a facial. They rid you of any acne (I pity anyone who has the problem), take out ingrown hairs, exfoliate, cleanse, and make you smoother than smooth.

Vaginal Rejuvenation: There is a surgery that goes into your vagina and fixes/tightens all of the muscles. You can also get your hymen redone (in case losing your virginity wasn’t awkward enough the first time). But if you aren’t into surgery, then you can still strengthen your va jay with a new kind of “heath” spa called Phit (pelvic health integrated techniques). Yep, that’s a thing.

Okay, okay, your vagina is in the best shape of your life…but you’re still not getting to the big O.

Well it’s time for a G-Shot. The G-shot, clever name, was created to amplify the G-spot sensations. It involves a shot of collagen in your G-spot, while you lay there under local anesthetics. The shot takes 8 seconds, and all in all is a quick procedure. The effects last for 3 months.

So, now that we’ve given you a guide to redecorating your vagina, we want to hear from you! Have you ever done of these things? Are you okay with girls vajazzling for guys? Or maybe you think hair removal is sexist….tell us in the comments!