Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1561 specimens are to be held in an enclosure suitable for polar bears (Ursus maritimus) at Site-58, and kept under continuous observation for anomalous abilities.

Observed instances of SCP-1561-1 are to be tracked and guarded by MTF Gamma-16 to prevent unauthorized entry.

Armed Observation Site 64 has been established at coordinates 79°40′N 024°00′W in Northeast Greenland National Park, under cover of an environmental tracking station. AOS-64 personnel have several tasks:

— Rescue of civilians entering the area surrounding AOS-64 through uncontained examples of SCP-1561-1. Such civilians will be transported to their point of origin, treated with appropriate amnestics, and released.

— Capture of additional specimens of SCP-1561. Specimens will be transported to Site-58 if needed for research, otherwise terminated.

— Determination of primary location(s) of the SCP-1561 population. Personnel should expect resistance from SCP-1561 specimens and adept use of the Arctic environment to evade detection.

Description: SCP-1561 is a population of sapient polar bears (Ursus maritimus sapiens) inhabiting an area of Northeast Greenland National Park. They closely resemble non-anomalous members of their species in size and general appearance. However, SCP-1561 specimens hunt in packs, exhibit tool and weapon use, and possess linguistic skills comparable to a typical 10-year-old human.

Their primary anomalous ability is the capability of opening one-way dimensional rifts from substantial distances (up to 6000 km away) into a portion (approximately 2 km2) of their habitat, . These breaches, designated SCP-1561-1, are typically short-lived, although one has been observed to have remained in the area of [REDACTED] for over 20 years. Instances of SCP-1561-1 are near-invisible (appearing as a slight air disturbance when observed closely) and slowly move through an area in an attempt to capture and transport prey. They do not appear below ground or underwater, and do not attempt to envelop objects too large to pass through them. Electronic devices cease functioning when transported through an instance of SCP-1561-1, although they appear undamaged.

The SCP-1561 population has been observed to supplement its normal food supply with non-native animals and humans transported through SCP-1561-1 openings. Transported individuals are either attacked immediately by waiting groups of SCP-1561, or are allowed to expire in the Arctic environment and later scavenged.

It is currently unknown how SCP-1561-1 instances are generated or controlled. Captured SCP-1561 specimens have refused to demonstrate their ability, and if anomalous technology is responsible (as opposed to an innate ability), no examples have been recovered by the Foundation. SCP-1561 specimens have proven universally hostile to Foundation personnel, and only minimal communication with them has taken place. Although apparently capable of understanding human languages, SCP-1561 specimens are physically unable to speak any. Conversely, Foundation personnel have obtained limited understanding of SCP-1561's language, but human vocal cords cannot adequately reproduce it. SCP-1561 specimens show no desire to communicate with humans as a result of a cultural aversion to communicating with individuals they consider to be prey.

Addendum 1: The SCP-1561 population was discovered in ████ when the cruise ship ██████ ████████ disappeared through the semi-permanent SCP-1561-1 rift located in [REDACTED], followed by two search vessels. Standard Foundation investigation of anomalous disappearances led to the discovery of SCP-1561-1. Initial research on SCP-1561-1 as an independent anomaly led to quarantine of the dimensional breach as a navigational hazard, and finding means of safe traversal. Current containment protocols were established after SCP-1561 was discovered to be the cause of SCP-1561-1. Evidence indicates SCP-1561-1 activity for over ██ years, with a significant increase in the last five years. Over ████ humans, animals, and vehicles were found frozen in the area surrounding AOS-64.

Addendum 2: A note from O5-██ found clipped to the main SCP-1561 file.

Subject: Final Disposition of SCP-1561

SCP-1561 is a problem we do not need. They are dangerous, uncooperative, and either the population is increasing, they are improving their abilities, or both. AOC-64 cost us [REDACTED] last year, and we still had over ███ civilian casualties. While it would be useful to know how they do what they do, they are more trouble than they're worth to have uncontained. Build a captive population at Site-58, and we'll figure out what we can. In the wild, track them down and terminate all of them. Put General ████ on it; for once his overenthusiasm can be put to good use.

Special Containment Procedures: As SCP-1980 is immovable, Research and Containment Site-79 has been built surrounding it, under cover of building a neutrino observation telescope. Standard Foundation access restrictions apply.

All active examples of SCP-1980-1 (whether found within SCP-1980 or elsewhere) are to be transported to Site-41 for containment and experimentation. It is critical that no direct human contact is made with an instance of SCP-1980-1, outside of approved experiments.

Any person (SCP-1980-2) believed to have been exposed to SCP-1980-1 is to be contained if possible, otherwise terminated. SCP-1980-2 specimens are to be transported to Site-41 for interrogation and forcible removal of SCP-1980-1. After removal of SCP-1980-1, non-D-Class subjects may be given Class-A amnestics and released. MTF operatives should be aware that it is possible to internally implant SCP-1980-1 within a subject, producing an example of SCP-1980-2 with no obvious anomalies.

SCP-1980-3, the mechanism for creation of additional examples of SCP-1980-1, is currently within SCP-1980. Relocation to Site-41 will be undertaken when possible. By O5 order, SCP-1980-3 is not to be used until such relocation takes place. Usage on site is considered unsafe as [DATA EXPUNGED].

Biological artifacts (SCP-1980-4 and SCP-1980-5) in suspended animation within SCP-1980 are not to be disturbed. If any such items become animate, they should be contained if possible, otherwise terminated.

Description: SCP-1980 is a structure located ████m under the Antarctic ice, approximately 400 km from the South Pole at coordinates [REDACTED]. Based on the depth at which it was found, SCP-1980 was constructed approximately 14.5 million years ago, by unknown entities, in one of the last temperate zones on the Antarctic continent.

Usage as a scientific research base is presumed based on finding:

(1) A telescope, apparently fixed for long-term observation of an area of intergalactic space at coordinates [REDACTED]. No significant astronomic bodies or activity noted in this area.

(2) Approximately ████ examples of SCP-1980-1; metallic discs approximately 10cm in diameter, composed of a tungsten-rhenium alloy and partially overlaid with a crystalline structure [REDACTED]. Interrogation of SCP-1980-2 subjects indicates that each SCP-1980-1 contains the consciousness of an individual of an unknown sapient race, presumed to be the builders of SCP-1980.

(3) A biological containment area, containing several primitive hominoids (SCP-1980-4) in suspended animation, as well as an entity (SCP-1980-5) closely resembling the description of a [REDACTED] within SCP-1050.

(4) SCP-1980-3, a machine used to create additional examples of SCP-1980-1, based on information gained through interrogating SCP-1980-2 subjects.

(5) Records documenting the activities of the inhabitants of SCP-1980. See Addendum 3 for translation of relevant excerpts.

A human subject in contact with SCP-1980-1 will have his/her higher mental functions dominated by those of the entity contained within SCP-1980-1. The process takes approximately six hours, during which the subject is unconscious. Upon awakening, SCP-1980-1 will have control of the subject, and significant access to the subject’s knowledge and memories. Removal of SCP-1980-1 negates this effect, leaving the subject physically unharmed, but disoriented in a manner resembling the application of amnestics. The degree of disorientation is commensurate with the amount of time exposed to SCP-1980-1.

Existing SCP-1980-1 instances contain the consciousness of the builders of SCP-1980. However, it is apparently possible to create additional examples of SCP-1980-1 from any sapient being, using SCP-1980-3 and a blank template of SCP-1980-1. ██ such templates were found.

The successful creation of SCP-963-2 shortly after the discovery of SCP-1980 [DATA EXPUNGED]. It does not appear to be possible to recreate SCP-1980-3 or SCP-1980-1 templates using current human technology.

Addendum 1: SCP-1980 was discovered in 2010, when an automated distress signal activated and was intercepted (and eventually translated) by Foundation personnel. The signal was traced and the surrounding area contained as Site-79. Extensive hot-water drilling and [REDACTED] have allowed limited access to SCP-1980.

The initial research team investigating SCP-1980 was compromised by SCP-1980-1 exposure, before the effects of SCP-1980-1 were fully known. Team leader Dr. ████████ abandoned his post and removed approximately ███ examples of SCP-1980-1 from the site. Dr. ████████ has not been recovered by the Foundation, and it is assumed that there are now a significant number of uncontained instances of SCP-1980-2, with unknown motivations. MTF Zeta-29 is responsible for their ongoing capture and containment. [REDACTED] individuals are contained as of ██/██/2012.

Addendum 2:

Interviewed: Dr. Martin, a member of the original exploration/containment team, and now an instance of SCP-1980-2

Interviewer: Dr. ██████

Foreword: When it was discovered that the exploration team was compromised, all members other than Dr. ████████ were successfully contained and interrogated.

<Begin Log>

Dr. ██████: First, let’s dispense with the idea that you're unaffected by SCP-1980. We know what SCP-1980-1 does, and we know your team was exposed.

Dr. Martin: Fine. Dr. ████████ will complete his mission no matter what I tell you. You can’t stop us.

Dr. ██████: Who exactly are "us?"

Dr. Martin: Our people. We built the place you found.

Dr. ██████: Where are you from?

Dr. Martin: [REDACTED]. We have no where else to go. [REDACTED] was destroyed. This is our home now.

Dr. ██████: …and what do you intend to do here?

Dr. Martin: Live. As long as we can. We wear your people because we have to.

Dr. ██████: Were you always like this? "Wearing" others?

Dr. Martin: No, we were once like you, until we had to defend ourselves from…how to say it in your language…those who came from outside.

Dr. ██████: So you were invaded?

Dr. Martin: Yes. By the [REDACTED]. And their masters, the … Screamers from Beyond. They are why we converted. The Screamers could not see us afterwards.

Dr. ██████: I see. And you were watching, in case the [REDACTED] came back?

Dr. Martin: Yes. They will! You should convert too! It's the only way to protect yourselves. The process should work. We would help you.

Dr. ██████: We should become like you?

Dr. Martin: Yes! You could wear your own bodies…you would hardly know the difference.

Dr. ██████: I can see the advantages…still…

Dr. Martin: You must do it! They will come back! It will be too late then…<End Log>

Closing Statement: Subject grew agitated, and has regularly tried to convince Foundation personnel to use SCP-1980-3 to "convert" themselves into instances of SCP-1980-2.

Addendum 3: Excerpts from records found in SCP-1980, translated by subject D-19213 while exposed to an instance of SCP-1980-1.

"Contact lost with [REDACTED]. Can only assume the worst. Hope they were able to convert themselves in time."

…

"We watch the access point continually. So far, we are safe here."

…

"We were wrong! [REDACTED] are pouring out of the access point. So many! They must plan to hit every Class-J planet in this part of the galaxy. There was no escape after all. Convert and prepare; what else can we do?"

…

"70% of us lost…need to find new hosts for the modules. The local life is useless; not nearly evolved enough. ████████████ tried to merge with a captured [REDACTED]; knew that wouldn't work…they are too different.

…

"One of the last … our bodies may feed the Screamers, but perhaps someone will find our minds."

[ ] You forgot to spellcheck
[ ] You forgot to proofread
[ ] You did not read, or decided to ignore "How to Write an SCP"
[ ] Your formatting is incorrect
[ ] I am not sure if you know how to write in English
[ ] If you had posted your idea in the Forum, 20 people would have told you not to write it
[ ] If you had posted a draft in your sandbox, 20 people would have told you not to post it on the main site
[ ] Your SCP is too much like SCP-.
[ ] Your SCP is a straight rip-off of _.
[ ] Your SCP is on the Cliche List, and is not written well enough to get away with it.
[ ] There is no hook.
[ ] Meh.
[ ] Your -J isn't funny.
[ ] I had to read half of your SCP before I could figure out what it does.
[ ] I read your entire SCP and still don't even know what it IS.
[ ] You [REDACTED] part of the containment procedures.
[ ] You [REDACTED] other things in a way that is silly.
[ ] Please remove:-- [ ] the boring test log-- [ ] the boring supplemental pages-- [ ] the 27MB off-site image-- [ ] the "artists impression" of your SCP-- [ ] the lolFoundation addendum-- [ ] the Telekill reference-- [ ] the crosslink to SCP-682
[ ] You keep using the word "memetic." I do not think it means what you think it means.
[ ] Your SCP compels people to use it for no reason.
[ ] Your SCP is just a __ that kills people.
[ ] Your "real life" SCP is less interesting than the real thing that it is based on.
[ ] The story of how your SCP was found is unbelievable.
[ ] The technobabble in your SCP breaks my suspension of disbelief.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1696 is kept in the Research and Development Laboratory at Site-17. Level 3 approval is required for all experimentation with SCP-1696. After incident K-1696-3, experiments involving a negative baryon number violation are not permitted.

Description: SCP-1696 consists of a one-meter-cubic box composed of an unknown clear polymer, plus an associated remote control device containing 12 numeric settings, in addition to “Stop,” “Start,” and “Reset” buttons. The outer packaging describes the item as Dr. Wondertainment’s Little Big-BangerTM, and indicates it is an upgrade to Dr. Wondertainment’s Universe-in-a-BoxTM.1

When a set of parameters is chosen on the remote control and the Start button pressed, a new universe is produced from a singularity within the SCP-1696 container, using the chosen parameters. The Stop button freezes any ongoing activity, and the Reset button dissipates the existing universe, allowing the experimenter to choose new parameters.

The universe within SCP-1696 appears to be on a scale of 1m = 9.2 x 1011 light years. Expansion occurs at an accelerated rate of 1 day = 1.965 billion years.

SCP-1696 requires a refill of [REDACTED] after approximately 150 experiments. A reorder card is included in the packaging.

The box containing SCP-1696 activity has resisted all attempts at opening or gathering a sample of the material. In this regard, it resembles the outer substance of SCP-███. Unopened, it has proven shatter-proof, radiation-proof and resistant to any temperature the Foundation can produce.

Addendum: The following instructions were included with SCP-1696:

Calling all teenage Physicists! Who needs a supercollider? Now with Dr. Wondertainment’s Little Big-BangerTM
you can create and test your very own universes, in the privacy of your home.

Just set your parameters and hit the Start button. BANG! You’ve just created your very own universe!
Hit the Stop button to observe it closely, or just let it expand. If your universe isn’t entertaining enough, press the Reset button and try again…

Your Dr. Wondertainment’s Little Big-BangerTM is best observed in a dark room.

• N = ratio of the strengths of gravity to that of electromagnetism;
• Epsilon (ε) = strength of the force binding nucleons into nuclei;
• Omega (ω) = relative importance of gravity and expansion energy in the Universe;
• Lambda (λ) = cosmological constant;
• Q = ratio of the gravitational energy required to pull a large galaxy apart to the energy equivalent of its mass;
• D = number of spatial dimensions in spacetime.

Along with 6 new settings:

[DATA EXPUNGED]

Why not try making a copy of YOUR universe within your Little Big-BangerTM? Set the controls to [DATA EXPUNGED] and it will only take about a week!

For additional safety, expansion of your universe will automatically stop when it reaches 5cm of the outer container. To avoid interference with automatic sensors, do not bring magnets
within 1 meter of your Little Big-BangerTM.

Cautions: Not recommended for use by children under the age of 9.

Do not attempt to open the Dr. Wondertainment’s Little Big-BangerTM outer casing.

Use only approved Dr. WondertainmentTM refills, hoses, and connectors with this product.

Dr. WondertainmentTM is not responsible for the release of plasma, antimatter, dark matter, radiation (known and unknown varieties), or subatomic particles (including quarks,
neutrinos, and Higgs bosons). In case of local quantum disturbances outside of container, call our Technical Support line at [REDACTED]. Production of sentient beings within universe may > require a license in your local area.

Item #: SCP-059Object Class: KeterSpecial Containment Procedures: A single specimen of SCP-059 is kept at Site-11B inside a graded-Z laminate shielding box composed of depleted uranium, tantalum, tin, steel, copper, and aluminum. Surrounding SCP-059’s containment box is a 7 x 7 x 7 m area sealed as a Level-4 Biohazard area, and surrounded by 3 cm of lead shielding. This area is to be sprayed daily with a solution of methyl isothiocyanate to prevent overgrowth of SCP-059-1.

Personnel entering an SCP-059 affected area are cautioned to wear appropriate biohazard protection, as well as type K-59-B radiation shielding. They are to remain in the area for no more than 15 minutes, as the radiation shielding is only partially effective.

SCP-059-1 infestations found in the wild should be contained by removing the SCP-059 specimen responsible, and incineration of all observed SCP-059-1. Large underground infestations are best neutralized by fuel-air (thermobaric) explosives.

Additional specimens of SCP-059 are not needed for experimentation, and should be transported to Site-11B for incineration by plasma arc at 10,000 degrees K.

Description: SCP-059 is a radioactive mineral of unknown origin, superficially resembling scheelite. A component of SCP-059 is believed to originate in an alternate universe, and to be responsible for its anomalous properties. In addition to alpha, beta, and gamma radiation, SCP-059 specimens produce a previously unknown type of radiation, apparently unique to the object, tentatively designated 'delta radiation'. Delta radiation is accompanied by Cherenkov radiation, visible as a blue glow.

Delta radiation is only partially contained by standard radiation shielding; the best results have been obtained using graded-Z laminate shielding with an additional super-dense metal layer. This reduces the effective range of delta radiation from approximately 20 m to approximately 6 m.

When an area is exposed to delta radiation for more than 15 minutes, an unknown species of fungus (designated SCP-059-1) begins to grow on any exposed surface. This fungus does not require any standard nutrition, but will die within 24 hours of removal from a delta radiation source. SCP-059-1 is itself radioactive, but does not emit delta radiation. However, if a critical mass (approximately ██ kg/m3) of SCP-059-1 is allowed to grow, delta radiation from an unknown source other than SCP-059 will appear in the area, further supporting SCP-059-1 growth. (Interested readers may consult Dr. ███████ for his theories of space-time stress and merger of alternate realities). Within 18 hours, the infected mass will become transparent and disappear, presumably into the universe that is the source of delta radiation. The process then continues with SCP-059-1 infecting new material.

SCP-059-1 will infest both living beings and inanimate objects. Humans (and animals) infected with SCP-059-1 become immune to the effects of ionizing radiation, but progressively merge with SCP-059-1, and eventually have all tissues replaced by fungal growth. While generally non-violent, they will attempt to expose unaffected individuals to SCP-059. SCP-059-1 infections do not appear to be directly contagious, but only spread by contact with delta radiation. However, long-term exposure to SCP-059-1 has not been adequately tested to rule out considering it a biohazard (as well as a known radiation hazard).

Infected individuals still capable of communication describe seeing a world entirely covered with SCP-059-1, where much of the surface is composed of SCP-059. It is unclear whether this is a hallucination or a view into the source of SCP-059. Infectees are generally pleased with their condition and often refer to being in "the blue light of heaven."

SCP-059-1 is affected by most fungicides, but new growth will continue as long as SCP-059 is present. Early stage SCP-059-1 infection in humans may be treated with griseofulvin, however the treatment is 90% likely to lead to death by radiation poisoning. Treated individuals lose their immunity to radiation, and will already have absorbed a now lethal dose prior to treatment. Late stage treatment should not be attempted, as too much tissue will already be converted to SCP-059-1. [DATA EXPUNGED]. The remains of failed treatments should be kept out of range of SCP-059, otherwise [DATA EXPUNGED].

SCP-059 specimens have been discovered in 8 different underground locations, across a range of 5000 km. No pattern has emerged for their appearance. Specimens range from 1-10 kg in size, and are not part of the normal rock formations in the areas where they have been found.

Addendum: Dr. ███████ has recorded and analyzed the patterns of radiation emitted by the contained SCP-059-1 colony, and believes SCP-059-1 may be sapient and attempting to communicate via controlled emissions of radiation. Initial attempts to analyze this "language" reveal [DATA EXPUNGED].

The Cliché List has always bugged me a bit, because I think many readers misinterpret what it is for.

The Cliché List is not:

A list of ideas you should never write up

A list of ideas you should automatically downvote on sight

A list of ideas that absolutely can’t be written well

So what is the Cliché List? Generally, it’s a list of ideas that are harder than most to write up well, especially for inexperienced SCP writers. There are many reasons ideas can fall into this category, and I’ve tried to explain them below. When you read this, remember that the list is advice not rules, and there are exceptions. Bad ideas can be made to work with exceptional writing. It seldom happens, mostly because 99% of the people writing up bad ideas don’t realize their idea is bad, and are therefore unlikely to be the one to write it well enough to succeed.

Here is the Cliché List, rearranged by category, with commentary:

The Thing You Should Actually Never Write

5. Things what you saw on TV/ in a movie/ in an anime/ read about in a book / heard in a song.

Plagiarism, whether from another SCP or an off-site source, will get your SCP instantly deleted, and may get you banned from the site. This is the one thing on the list that you actually should never do.

Taking something from another medium and “SCPifying” it without adding a major twist never goes over well (not even as a –J). Therefore: Don’t write up your favorite Lovecraft critter, or D & D monster or magic item as an SCP. No Slenderman. No Pokemon. You get the idea…

We don’t generally write up “people with cool powers that you would like to have” or objects that are too useful. Tacking on a disadvantage doesn’t help. Read the guide to writing a humanoid SCP for more details.

2. Reality Bending pplz what can make the world change with their mindz.

12. Things what are ancient and evil, so vast that humankind cannot comprehend it, yada yada yada you can only have so many.

These have the huge problem of being uncontainable. Read Eldritch Application for more insight into this. We also have SCP-343 who is only contained because he chooses to stay. We don’t need another one of him.

3. Things what we should do what they say becuz we wouldn't like them when they're angry.

9. Things what are really pretty pplz whom everyone lieks.

The Foundation contains abnormal things/people; it doesn’t cater to their whims. If your containment procedures are pretty much “do what it asks so it will behave” you’re doing it wrong. If your SCP is otherwise uncontainable, it’s overpowered…

18. Things what is indestructible just to be indestructible. We're the Special CONTAINMENT Procedures, not Special DESTRUKTION Procedures Foundation. We usually dun destroy things just to destroy them nowadays.

Destroying abnormal things is more the GOC’s MO. The Foundation is a “pack rat” organization by nature. They want to study things thoroughly in case they reappear out of containment. Destroying an SCP may cause more problems than keeping it. It’s easy enough to come up with an in-universe reason for keeping your SCP around.

21. Humorous addenda talking about some shenanigan the staff did and what terrible punishment awaits if they do it again We are trying to move away from such things.

This is commonly known as “LOLFoundation.” While you may see it in older articles, it makes the Foundation look stupid and unprofessional, plus it’s a big tone-breaker.

Ideas Done Well Enough that You Can (probably) Only Write a Bad Copy

4. Things what make other weird things. This includes things what make SCPs and Things what you put other things in and they come out improved.

7. Things what use up excessive resources, like nucular weaponz or Class-D personnel. Blind Guards are excessive resources, by the way.

Readers expect the Foundation to come up with reasonable containment procedures, appropriate for the object being contained. Although you can consider the Foundation to have near-unlimited resources, it’s not going to waste them on excessive containment procedures.

8. Things what excessively refer to other SCPs. This includes things what are better than other SCPs.

Cross-referencing other SCPs is a pet peeve of many readers, especially if it seems gratuitously done to associate your (bad) SCP with a better one.

19. Things what caused teh INDIAN OCEAN TSUNAMI. Seriously, I think the Foundation has caused it about ten billion times already. And for that matter, quit making globes and maps that change the world when the map or globe is altered. It gets old.

Generally, associating your SCP with real-world events does not go over well, even if done cleverly.

6. Things what make you go nuts for no apparent reason.

This usually reads as tacked-on danger, as does the SCP which compels people to use it for no good reason.

11. Things what perform OTT (Over The Top) as to what they're supposed to do. i.e. Knives what cut through dimensions, audio devices what cause insanity to whoever listens to them etc, etc.

These are usually just too obvious and uninteresting to get a good reception.

13. Anything what is spherical. Or cubical. Seriously, for fuck sake, pick a random object rather than a shape.

Everyone knows what happened when you do this: You thought of a good, weird effect, but couldn’t come up with an appropriate object to produce it. Think harder and you’ll find one…

Things We (possibly) Have a Few Too Many of

16. Things what is from DA FUTURE! We've got a whole city from there.

20. Cats and Dogs. Seriously, we've got way too many canines and felines, let's do something different! Ferrets, lobsters, squids, platypi, muskrats, beavers, komodo dragons, their are millions of animals out there, that are not cats and dogs!

22. VINDOWS TO ANOZZER VORLD! Seriously, we have four of them, and they're all the same damn article. Come up with something less stale.

23. Creepy dolls. 'Nuff said.

Before you write one of these up, do a search on the existing ones and ask yourself: Is mine really doing something different or more interesting than what we already have? If you can sincerely say yes, then go write it…

(a.k.a The Meta-Guide, or Big list of stuff you should have read before you write an SCP)

If you are one of the people who reads all/most of the new SCPs, and have done so for a while, you’ll notice that writers make the same mistakes over and over. If you’ve read the Guides below, you’ll also notice that most of these mistakes are things someone already said you shouldn’t do. So here it is, the big list of Guides to the site and to SCP writing. Some of these are official, and others (like this one) are not. Some cover SCP writing in general, others one aspect of writing, and still others cover writing a particular kind of SCP, or optional things you can put in your SCP.

(*) = A guide you were supposed to read before joining.

Guides to the Site in General

Site Rules * – You’ll be surprised how few there are, and that most have nothing to do with what you’re allowed to write. With the exception of plagiarism and “troll articles” you can pretty much write what you want. Everything else you are told about what to do or not do in terms of writing SCPs is advice not rules – things that work for most people, most of the time.

Those keywords at the bottom of every page on the site, to help you search. If you’re going to tag your own articles, read the three files below and do it right. Otherwise, leave them alone and let MacKenzie do it.

Groups Of Interest – Some fictional groups that have been associated with various SCPs. You can use one if it seems to fit or add to your SCP.MC&D – More about Marshall, Carter, and DarkSerpent's Hand – More about The Serpent’s Hand

Special Containment Procedures:SCP-1974 specimens are to be contained in Low-Value Item Storage at Site 61, when not needed for experiments.SCP-1974-EX specimens are to be contained in a standard small-item lockbox in the Research and Development storage area of Site-55.

When handled by personnel not being subjected to an experiment, butyl rubber or nitrile (NBR) rubber gloves should be worn to prevent exposure to anomalous effectsdrugs embedded within the SCP-1974-EX material. Affected personnel must be removed from duty and quarantined until the effects of SCP-1974-EX wear off (approximately 36 hours).

Field agents have been issued Order 61-1974-B; a low-priority directive to capture and contain SCP-1974 specimens not under Foundation control, and gather evidence as to their source. Field Order 61-1974-B rescinded 08/16/1992.

Description: SCP-1974-EX are 20-sided dice (commonly referred to as d20s in role-playing games) which appear to be composed of a standard acrylonitrile butadiene styrene (ABS) polymer.

Anyone handling SCP-1974-EX for five minutes continually, or over approximately one hour when SCP-1974-EX is used in a typical role-playing game, is subject to the effects of hallucinations and extreme suggestibility. When SCP-1974-EX is used in a role-playing game, approximately 90% of affected subjects believe the game parameters and environment to be real, and begin to act accordingly. Effects typically persist for 36 hours. The remaining 10% of exposed subjects experience miscellaneous hallucinations typical of an unintentional exposure to LSD-25 or psilocybin, as do subjects exposed to SCP-1974-EX and not offered intentional or unintentional behavior suggestions.

It is currently being investigated whether the effects of SCP-1974 are chemical, memetic, or supernatural.

Analysis has determined that in SCP-1974-EX, the ABS has been combined with [REDACTED], a solvent and carrier similar to Dimethyl sulfoxide (DMSO), but solid at room temperature. This is used to introduce a dose of an r-Ergotamine derivative, a long-acting hallucinogen. In addition, SCP-1974 contains a transmitter emitting non-audible sounds at frequencies of [REDACTED], generating a psychoacoustic effect that combines with the hallucinogen to cause extreme suggestibility in SCP-1974-EX-exposed subjects.

Since SCP-1974-EX is merely a novel means of hypnotizing subjects and secretively dosing them with hallucinogens, it is hereby declassified as an SCP and removed from the main SCP database as of 08/16/1992. Collection of further uncontained specimens is now a police matter and will not be conducted by Foundation Agents.

Due to the potential uses in clandestine activities and humanoid SCP control, Foundation Research and Development has requisitioned the supply of SCP-1974-EX, and is developing the means to reproduce its effects in different formats.2

Addendum: SCP-1974-EX came to the Foundation's attention when a large quantity were distributed as free samples during [REDACTED] Con, a Science Fiction and Fantasy convention held in ████████, ██ on █/██-██/19██. Over 200 individuals were detained after exhibiting bizarre behavior resulting in █ casualties, ██ injuries, and numerous incidents of property damage and disorderly conduct. ███ specimens of SCP-1974-EX were confiscated, and the incident attributed to mass hysteria caused by an unusual variety of food poisoning.

Incident Log 1974-01: The following is an excerpt from a list of incidents reported shortly after the initial release of SCP-1974-EX to the public. It demonstrates that while many affected subjects engage in harmless but absurd behavior, others pose a danger to themselves and others, especially to unsuspecting or defenseless persons.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1974 specimens are to be contained in a standard small-item lockbox in the Research and Development storage area of Site-55. When handled by personnel not being subjected to an experiment, butyl rubber or nitrile (NBR) rubber gloves should be worn to prevent exposure to anomalous effects. Affected personnel must be removed from duty and quarantined until the effects of SCP-1974 wear off (approximately 36 hours).

Field agents have been issued Order 61-1974-B; a low-priority directive to capture and contain SCP-1974 specimens not under Foundation control, and gather evidence as to their source.

Description: SCP-1974 are 20-sided dice (commonly referred to as d20s in role-playing games) which appear to be composed of a standard acrylonitrile butadiene styrene (ABS) polymer. In SCP-1974, the ABS has been combined with [REDACTED], a solvent/carrier similar to Dimethyl sulfoxide (DMSO), but solid at room temperature. This is used to introduce a dose of [REDACTED], a long-acting hallucinogen resembling LSD-25, to anyone handling SCP-1974 for five minutes continually, or approximately one hour when SCP-1974 is used in a typical role-playing game. In addition, SCP-1974 contains a transmitter emitting non-audible sounds at frequencies of [REDACTED], generating a psychoacoustic effect that combines with the hallucinogen to cause extreme suggestibility in SCP-1974-exposed subjects. When used in a role-playing game, approximately 90% of affected subjects believe the game parameters and environment to be real, and begin to act accordingly. Effects typically persist for 36 hours.

The remaining 10% of exposed subjects experience miscellaneous hallucinations typical of an unintentional exposure to LSD or psilocybin, as do subjects exposed to SCP-1974 and not offered intentional or unintentional behavior suggestions.

SCP-1974 also contains an LED that flashes red when a "20" is rolled, but this does not appear to contribute to the anomalous effects.

Due to the potential uses in clandestine activities and humanoid SCP control, Foundation Research and Development is currently studying how to replicate the effects of SCP-1974 in different formats.

Addendum: SCP-1974 came to the Foundation's attention when a large quantity were distributed as free samples during [REDACTED] Con, a Science Fiction and Fantasy convention held in ████████, ██ on █/██-██/2011. Over 200 individuals were detained after exhibiting bizarre behavior resulting in █ casualties, ██ injuries, and numerous incidents of property damage and disorderly conduct. ███ specimens of SCP-1974 were confiscated, and the incident attributed to mass hysteria caused by an unusual variety of food poisoning. The source of SCP-1974 is unknown; several subversive groups known to mass-produce anomalous objects (including The Factory, Dr. Wondertainment, and Are We Cool Yet?) are under investigation, although SCP-1974 does not precisely match the type of objects typically produced by any known group of interest.

Class Omega is in Session

I saw the doctors again yesterday. They told me to write down anything interesting I remember, and anything weird that happens to me. Give it to them the next time they see me. Said it would help them know how my recovery is going. That's the problem, I can't remember much of anything. They told me I was in the Army for 22 years, until my transport got blown up by an IED. Lucky to be alive, they say. Maybe so, but I hit my head so hard I don't remember a day of it, except in little bits every so often. It's funny, when I remember those little bits, I don't think it was the Army, even though I remember carrying a gun. I don't know what it was though. One day, I was in a comic book store, I like the comics, they're easy to read and the pictures help you figure out what's going on. There was a comic called "Weird Science Fantasy" and I was reading a little bit in the store. All of a sudden, I looked at the thing in the comic and said "SCP-1841! We contained that last year!" and the guy in the shop wanted to know what the hell I was talking about. I tried to explain, but must not have done a good job, because he thought I was a nut for thinking the things in comic books are real. He asked me what an "SCP" is supposed to be, and I didn't know, it just jumped in my head, that's how those bits of memory work. He just thinks I'm weird and stupid but didn't throw me out because I buy lots of comics.

I don't catch things out of the comic book anymore. If I ever did, I'm not really sure. Now I'm a Security Guard at this big warehouse. They got me a job there when I got out of the hospital. Southwestern Cryptobiologic Products! I can spell that because it's on the flyers I give out. If someone comes in and they don't have a key card, I'm supposed to give them one of those, tell them "We're not open to the public yet" and get them to leave. It's a funny place, they don't even give me a key card and I've never been in the back to see what they do. Something to keep food from spoiling for a long time, that's what the flyers say. I don't know why it has to be such a big secret.

I used to carry a gun, now I ride the bus. The bus is full of weird people these days. A person can bring any damn thing on a bus. Some guy got on at 15th street this morning with a thing in an old broken baby carriage. I don't know what it was, it had a big plastic trash bag on it covering it up. It didn't fit right, the thing was poking at it in all kinds of strange angles. He wheeled it right up next to me and I tensed up and thought "Jesus Christ, that thing might be Keter!" Keter? What does Keter even mean? Something you shouldn't be allowed to bring on the bus, I guess. A couple times I thought the thing moved, and I reached for the gun I don't have any more. Last year, I would have known what to do about that thing. Now I don't, and the guy and his thing got off at 36th St. I shouldn't have to know, they should train the bus driver to know what to do when something Keter gets on her bus.

5/11/2012: Subject continues to perform under acceptable parameters for Class Omega therapy. Although he experiences flashback memory of potentially classified information, his general demeanor and inability to articulate thoughts provide reasonable deniability of any sensitive material subject may reveal.

SCP-052: I lived in NYC and used this station frequently — and they are always screwing around with the train service at night. I was standing there, waiting for a train, and thinking "What if there were a more sinister reason than 'track maintenance' for the A train not running?"

SCP-157: I wanted to make "water bears" into an SCP, since they are close to indestructible in real life. I had just watched the 1988 version of The Blob and thought: The Blob was big, fast, chased people around, and instantly dissolved them into glop. What if a blob was little, slow, and needed hours to kill someone? How would it manage to do it?

SCP-259: This was based on an idea found in the background of some of Charles Stross's books; that implementing advanced mathematics can open gateways, summon unwanted things, etc. I went with the concept (found in relatively few SCPs) that the Foundation doesn't really have this under control…it's being used by terrorists and we're hoping to track it down before the next incident.

SCP-456: Bedbugs are creepy (although not actually dangerous), and there is a bedbug epidemic in NYC. We're constantly being reminded of this (with pictures) in the papers, on the news, in ads for mattress protectors. So I came up with something realistic that they could do to make them into an SCP.

SCP-506: I had a dream about instant-growing plants taking over the world. No joke. I like the idea of making mundane things (like zucchini) scary. I'm chuffed when someone makes the comment "How the hell did you make ___ scary?" So: Instant-growing attack zucchini!

SCP-557: This was a rewrite of an SCP from Leicontis who in turn had rewritten Gabriel Jade's original. I thought it was a good idea, even though it was sitting at -3, and asked to rewrite it. I was right that a slightly different take on the idea would turn it around. I'm still waiting for someone to notice the Lovecraft reference in this one.

SCP-699: This was my first, and folks mostly liked it, in spite of it being "Stuff from da future!" I wanted to do something a little different than a regular object, and focus on no one being quite sure what the thing actually IS, and also the idea that other timelines might dump their scary stuff on us for one reason or another.

SCP-795: This was written for a challenge Bright made — to randomly "roll up" two cliches from the Big List of Cliches and combine them. So: Reality-Bending Cat — a horrible concept that EVERYONE would tell you not to write if you asked in chat. Yes, *I* would tell you not to write this SCP. Somewhat to my surprise, it lived, and is not even my lowest-rated SCP.

SCP-911: I had an idea for a cult ("The Collective") that believes that God is formed from the union of the minds of all the sentient beings in the universe, and worked up this SCP based on that idea.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1961 is stored in Research Bay 12 at Site-22, under standard keycard-level security. SCP-1961 is only to be used for experiments on D-Class Personnel, with the approval of Level 3 or higher research staff. Conversion of other Foundation staff is suspended by O5 order, as are requests for SCP-1961 usage by any non-Foundation organization, regardless of clearance level.

Any person processed through SCP-1961 is considered an instance of SCP-1961-1. Merged instances of SCP-1961-1 become SCP-1961-2. Containment staff should be aware that while SCP-1961 itself is Safe, SCP-1961-1 and SCP-1961-2 are Euclid Class. If it is necessary to terminate a specimen of either SCP-1961-1 or SCP-1961-2, fire or dissolution in acid are the recommended means. Personnel guarding SCP-1961-1 or SCP-1961-2 will therefore be issued flamethrowers.

SCP-1961-1 subjects are required to wear Type 47-B Containment Suits when in the presence of Foundation staff, other instances of SCP-1961-1, or any instance of SCP-1961-2, unless direct exposure is required for experimentation. D-Class Personnel converted to SCP-1961-1 are exempt from monthly termination, but subject to all other D-Class restrictions, and should be considered a higher escape risk. SCP-1961-2 specimens acquire greater strength in proportion to their size, and larger subjects should be handled with appropriate caution.

Converted Foundation staff should be considered of questionable loyalty and subject to Security Protocol 10-C.

Instances of SCP-1961-1 and SCP-1961-2 are contained in a standard maintenance/restraint area for live specimens.

Description: SCP-1961 is a 2.5 m x 1.5 m x 1.5 m mirrored booth, composed of wood, steel, and [DATA EXPUNGED]. It is designed to emit a mixture of ████████ and ██████ radiation and concentrate the rays on a human subject, previously injected with [DATA EXPUNGED], [DATA EXPUNGED], and SCP-███ blood. The intent of the procedure is to give the treated subject the power to modify his/her physical form at will, and maintain the change voluntarily for an indefinite period.

Use of SCP-1961 is fatal to subjects who have not been prepared with the appropriate injections. [See Document 1961-P-3 for synthesis and administration instructions.] SCP-1961 processing is not reversible.

The SCP-1961 procedure is only partially successful. Treated subjects (hereafter referred to as SCP-1961-1) adopt an amorphous form, composed of their original mass, converted to a substance resembling protoplasm. Despite the lack of recognizable vital organs, SCP-1961-1 subjects retain their intelligence and personality in their new form. SCP-1961-1 subjects can learn to shape themselves into any form that conserves mass; this is not an innate skill, and there is wide variance in talent among individual subjects (approximately 40% have eventual success in simulating a human form).

SCP-1961-1 subjects may assume the form of non-human or even anomalous beings (one D-Class previously assigned to SCP-███ clean-up duty unsuccessfully attempted to escape by simulating SCP-███ and attacking his guards), however they gain no additional strength or special abilities when doing so.

Form conversion is physically tiring, and SCP-1961-1 subjects have not been able to retain human form for a period longer than four hours, requiring at least eight hours in amorphous form before another attempt can be made. Subjects are also likely to lose cohesiveness when angry, startled, or forced to concentrate deeply on another task.

SCP-1961-1 subjects are typically contained within waterproof environmental suits. This prevents unauthorized interactions between specimens, as well as allowing subjects to maintain a somewhat human appearance (and a fully human appearance by learning to convert their head and hands).

SCP-1961-1 subjects can merge with each other to form larger amorphous forms, designated SCP-1961-2. The merger process is voluntary, but apparently not reversible. It is unknown how many individuals can merge into an SCP-1961-2 colony; the largest under containment has ██. Theoretically, there is no limit to the size of an SCP-1961-2 specimen. SCP-1961-2 colonies lose the ability to transform into recognizable forms, and either cannot or will not communicate with Foundation personnel. SCP-1961-1 subjects can silently communicate with SCP-1961-2 specimens by unknown means, and claim that SCP-1961-2 specimens are in a "state of communion" and retain aspects of their intelligence. A complex set of relationships between SCP-1961-1 and SCP-1961-2 subjects has developed, poorly understood by Foundation researchers. SCP-1961-1 subjects have been notably uncooperative in explaining this aspect of their development.

Due to the lack of blood and vital organs, both SCP-1961-1 and SCP-1961-2 specimens are substantially more resistant than humans to trauma and hostile environments. Although initially developed for espionage activities, SCP-1961-1 specimens have been under consideration for both combat activities and exploration of areas difficult for humans to safely access. If they can be adequately controlled, SCP-1962-2 specimens may be suitable for manual labor in similar environments.

Analysis of SCP-1961-1 and -2 cellular structure suggests specimens should be capable of reproduction through binary fission, however no specimen in Foundation custody has been observed doing so.

Addendum: SCP-1961 was developed in ████ by the █████████ Research Group for the ███, with semi-official access to certain Foundation materials. Object was transferred to Foundation control in 2010 after results deemed unacceptable in current form. Ongoing research has been monitored by [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] and continued Foundation control is currently in dispute.

I am well aware that the O5 committee will do as it pleases, and I can only make suggestions, but I hope these will be taken under serious consideration. I request immediate transfer from SCP-1961, and recommend that all research on it be halted. If we wish to do what is best for humanity, SCP-1961 should be destroyed, and all specimens of SCP-1961-1 and SCP-1961-2
terminated. General █████ would have an army of 1961-1 units, supported by teams of 1961-2. He is insane. SCP-1961-1 specimens are not spies, "super soldiers" or our personnel
given useful powers. They are a new, alien, life-form that considers itself superior to us. They will be our masters, not our servants.

The Foundation should not have helped create them, and we are damned if we continue.

Special Containment Procedures:Mobile Task Force Delta-16 "The Deep Sea Fishermen" must maintain a constant watch for the reappearance of SCP-1926 or any of its inhabitants. The MTF is maintained on the ship ███ █████ at coordinates 47°9′S 126°43′W. The ███ █████ will be kept supplied as necessary from the nearest inhabited location, Easter Island. As SCP-1926 is uncontainable and a major threat to human life, it will be destroyed via air strike with a ██ kiloton nuclear device as soon as stationed personnel have withdrawn to a safe distance. All containment procedures suspended indefinitely.

Description: SCP-1926 is a small, previously uncharted island, reported to be located in a desolate area of the South Pacific Ocean, approximately 700km SE of Easter Island (approximate coordinates 47°9′S 126°43′W). Description is based on second-hand sources, as nothing was found at the designated location when Foundation personnel arrived to investigate. SCP-1926 is composed primarily of black basalt blocks, covered with mud and greenish ooze, indicating an extended period of submersion. Personnel are warned not to attempt exploration of SCP-1926, as most previous visitors have been reported killed, either by the inhabitants, or by the effects of the alleged non-Euclidean geometric structure of the island.

The most recent reported visitor, a Norwegian fisherman named ████ ██████████, claims to be the only survivor of an original crew of 47, aboard the █████. Upon exploring SCP-1926, the crew encountered one of its inhabitants (designated SCP-1926-1). SCP 1926-1 is described as a winged creature approximately 60 m tall, somewhat resembling a cross between a human and an octopus or squid. SCP-1926-1 killed most of the crew while on SCP-1926, and pursued the survivors when they attempted escape aboard the █████. Survivors attempted to kill SCP-1926-1 by ramming it with the ship; attempt failed, as SCP-1926-1 re-formed itself several minutes after its apparent destruction. However, SCP-1926-1 broke off pursuit and returned to SCP-1926, allowing the █████ to escape. It is unknown if SCP-1926-1 is a unique being, or representative of a larger population.

Addendum: This area of ocean is referenced in a document recently captured from a Serpent's Hand operative. The relevant passage states "He will rise when the stars are right." but does not give details on when this will happen, or what astronomical conditions constitute "rightness."

[Note from O5-7: This is an obvious hoax, written by some █████████ fan. I can't believe you all fell for it and actually sent an MTF down there. Never mind that you had a nuke ready. Containment procedures cancelled effective immediately. Items SCP-1926 and 1926-1 are to be expunged from the main database, and all personnel involved officially reprimanded.]

Draft 2:

Mr. Dark had settled into his office at the New York club with a minimum of pain and suffering on all sides. It lacked the character of The Museum, but with a few homey touches, the odd bunyip-hide rug and Olmec knives, it felt almost right. Cheryl brought him a short stack of newspaper entries, gleaned from a pile of papers nationwide. Mr. Dark browsed through it and chuckled, drinking thick, oily coffee. Authorities were debating whether Boomer's work was a terrorist bomb gone off by accident, or a clandestine meth lab run by someone who had failed Chemistry 101. Even if Harken had escaped, he'd surely gotten the point. Several of them, most likely…

He read further, about a "person of interest" followed by a surprisingly accurate sketch and description of Boomer. That was going to be a problem. Boomer was too sweet a lad to lose to the wolves of the law, and not the sort to stand up to any kind of serious interrogation. He scribbled a note to have him replanted a good distance away…assuming anyone could uproot him with a minimum of detonation. Bah, other people's problems.

At least he had gotten started on acquisitions. The disease-controlling girl was safely tucked away in Facility B, and Willard was already starting to teach her the benefits of cooperation. When breaking in any bitch, canine or sapian, it was always best to start with positive reinforcement. Fine food, lodgings, shiny things, and an admirable parade of strapping lads had her in amicable spirits. For now. He knew her type very well, she'd soon want more, and more…and she'd get it. The anal electrical probe had the amazing ability to enact dramatic and rapid attitude change. He could have started that way, yes, but he adored watching the loving care people took when constructing their own gallows.

The kumiho was going to be more of a problem. She’d been spotted with her associates, and he knew them well enough. That lot of mystical (and mythical) riff-raff from The Library. She had to be there…he picked absently at the chip in his canine. Perhaps a visit would be in order? No reason not to, really…it'd been ages, and he could check on a few matters as well. He chuckled deep in his throat, tapping his foot on the slick bunyip hide. No matter how furious they might be over The Museum, they had to let him visit The Library. Rules were rules. The very idea of that impotent, boiling rage was reason enough, really.

Percival looked over to the cat sitting on the chair. She licked her paw languidly, pointedly ignoring the sound of approaching boots. She looked up at Percival with a slow, sleepy wink. "Visitors. Unfriendly ones, I believe." Before he could ask, she promptly curled up, stuffed her head under her ribs, and started snoring.

The three men entered in a clump of boots and the soft tap of wingtip shoes. A short, grinning man flanked by two human bulldogs, armed to the teeth. The short one had some kind of long coat, with thick, frayed cuffs and collars…or some kind of very thick fur. The thick sleeves and slight tilt of his head gave the impression of some old, threadbare bird of prey. The other two were all business, looking somewhere between cops and soldiers…but with a oozing aura of pure menace.

Weapons were drawn before anyone could say a word. Swords, sickle, crystal rod, machine guns and massive pistols were quickly pointing across the short gap between the three men and the small collection of Library residents, all aimed at areas of the body both tender and vital. The the short man smiled with the slimy, cloying self-satisfaction of a ice cream man passing out treats dipped in arsenic. A woman well in the back twitched the tall fox ears sticking from her smooth hair, both intrigued and put on edge, sensing the presence of another predator.

She stayed in the back of the room, not sure whether to duck, or laugh. It was the most ludicrous standoff she had ever seen, but could turn ugly in an instant; She wasn't sure what she wanted to see happen more. Fear and tension radiated off the group like the heat from sun-baked mass graves. Except for the short man…he smelled…of spice, and oil, and moss…and something that made her nose twitch and tendons tighten like piano wire. He waved away the thick blade hanging inches from his nose like it was a butterfly intruding on a morning walk.

“Now is there really call for all this, sweethearts? I'm just here to renew my library card…and tarry a bit with that sweet little thing perched up on the pillows there.”

He gestured to the kumiho with a wink and a waggle of his fingers. She could barely decide whether to growl or blush. She ended up doing both.

Draft 4: with edits.

The box had arrived in Site 17, and been accepted as an object worthy of containment. Its sender had been correct that it could not be opened from the outside, at least, not by them. Nor could they see what was actually inside it. Like any hunt, the best way to appeal to prey was via their hunger or curiosity. The box was an appeal to both.

The trap, however, had sprung too soon. The thing inside, bought and trained at disgusting expense, had proven impatient. Even more, it had also proven unable to see its quarry with as much clarity as they had been led to believe. At least it'd had the sense to slither back in and wait, but their hand had been tipped. Still, he was not a man to throw out a tool, no matter how inappropriate. The time would come again, even if it was not the one they had hoped for.

Mr. Dark tapped a hard nail against his thin teeth, thinking. The greatest opportunity for acquisitions in years, and it was all going tits-up. Their old doll, Kramer, was finally out of the toybox. In the wrong hands, yes, but her random lethality and crippled psyche could still tip against those same hands. That twit Scud had been mopped up, finally. He'd stopped being useful months ago, and the expenditures could now be routed to better purpose, but it still rankled. More troubling, Cutridge had somehow fallen prey to that fat lush Harken at the worst possible time.

Incompetence everywhere. Lack of vision. Even worse, pure profit being flushed down the sewer by the hour. The kumiho had escaped, and none of his people were even looking for it? A gorgeous, deadly creature, able to change form and slaughter at will… what could be done with that lean and hungry spirit once it was properly brought to heel? Recording options alone could cover a good portion of this budget hemorrhage.

Dark's lips curled in a wintery, predatory smile. He played with a pen, doodling blasphemy as he looked over a small spray of photos on his desk. He lifted one, depicting a hulking brute with a bag head, blurry and unaware of the observation… or uncaring. The Bagman had been content to do its own business for some time now, rising from time to time to devil those witless enough to still hold to magic and faith. Rogue, yes, dangerous, yes, but sometimes a mad dog was better then no dog at all. Perhaps others should be made aware of its "usefulness." No need to mention the absolute disdain for authority and control.

Dark hated to travel. He had not enjoyed any of his visits to the States since helping that Anderson fellow set up his factory. Too bad Anderson was gone; HE wouldn’t have let things get out of control like this, or at the bloody least, gleaned a profit from it. He prepared a note to Marshall and Carter. They would not be pleased – they liked Dark out of day-to-day operations as much as he wished to stay out of them, warmly ensconced in The Museum. Still his best "purchase" to date, regardless of the undying animosity of The Library and its parasites. Still, sometimes it was required to stir the ashes, remind everyone of what their damn jobs were. They were here to provide wonders beyond limit for their discerning club members.

It was about bloody time to cause some wonder.

He snatched up a glossy black phone headset, punching numbers and causing a distant phone to ring. Dark sighed, tapping fingers on the smooth dome of a yeti skull. Finally the other end picked up, and he shifted forward, starting to scribble.

"Were you off for a bloody coffee break Cheryl? So sorry to upset your routine, but I need the New York club notified to have my rooms ready within the hour. I'll be flying out shortly, have Mr. McCreedy ready up a ten-man team for quick action, have Bobby head it up."

"… What? Why the bloody, bloody hell was he committed? … Really? That's tragic Cheryl, but that's no reason to take him off active roll. Get him loose and cleaned up, and over to the club immediately. I'm going to get this goddamn rubbish back on track manually, and I want him right on the point."

"… That's a good girl Cheryl. Oh, and one more thing, dearie. Call Boomer, and have him blow a little kiss to Agent Harken. He's thumbed his sodding nose at us a bit too much, it's time he knows that we have taken notice."

He hung up, leaning back and looking up to the bust of Caligula over the door. Mr. Dark smiled with true warmth, tapping his lips. That dear boy Boomer… not the sharpest razor in the apple, but a sweet lad all the same. He had the rather useful opinion that anything worth doing was worth doing with massive property damage. Inelegant, yes, but the idea of Harken burning or splattering in his bed was enough to warm even Mr. Darks pinched heart.

Carter was waiting on the tarmac when Dark's jet landed. Various attendants, along with the New York club director were ranked behind him, every one of them with the same strained, nervous smile. Nothing good ever came from Mr. Dark visiting the States. It immediately put him in poor humor at the best of times, and with things as they were right now…

Carter repressed a shiver as the door slowly opened. Two tiny Asian attendants, identical female twins, scrambled out, carrying a cigar case and a opened umbrella. Next was Dark's longest-running secretary Cheryl, looking harried but still hard as a iron wrecking ball.

And then the puppeteer himself, Mr. Dark, elegantly shabby, like a bitter old owl, snapping at everyone in reach, hitting his attendants with the tip of his cane when they fell so much as a step behind. Staff swarmed to the jet to get his voluminous luggage as Dark snatched up a cigar, the attendant ready with the match almost before he had it in his mouth. He turned, and caught sight of Carter standing at attention. He turned and faced him, a thick cloud of smoke pouring slowly from his nostrils. Carter stiffened, swallowing thickly. Oh shit, here we go.

Dark crossed in a haze of smoke. Behind him, an unlucky porter dropped a heavy steamer trunk of luggage with a loud crash. "Fire him," Dark said, without breaking stride. Carter felt some of the tension leave him. Dark was in a good mood: the last man to damage one of his possessions had been shot in the head.

All too soon he was there, glaring up at Carter, the thick and oddly spicy smell of his cigars curling around him like strangling hands. "Well, so good to see you old boy," he said. "The way things have been I'd assumed you were dead."

"It's nice to see you too Dark… no need to be snide."

"Oh, but I feel there is, my good man. You see, I give you and Marshall all the rope you need, and it seems you've made a noose, put it around your own necks, and are ready to jump off the bloody chair with it. You're letting these bastards run circles around you, and you're ignoring it because everything is all right at the club. Just because the fire hasn't reached the back yard yet doesn't mean it's not still on the way.” He hissed, pulling deeply on his cigar and glaring.

"I understand that Dark, we've just been forced to move a little slower because of the publicity. I have a team-"

"Oh, bugger your team. Who do you have, Finnegan and that twat Logan on it? It is, isn't it? Those two wastes of tissue aren't worth the air they breathe. I've got a ten-man staging now, and I'm putting Bobby on this."

"Bobby?" Carter almost gasped, eyes wide. "Isn't that a little… much, I mean, think of the Thanksgiving incident, I'm not sure if he's comp-"

"Oh sod off you twit, Bobby's on this now, and I want your fat fingers out of it. A fox girl who can shape-shift into any desire or dalliance is running around free, and you've sat. A woman who can cause or end any sickness is strutting about like a goddamn starlet, and you've twiddled your thumbs. You begged me to be here Carter, your silence screamed to me again, and I'm going to handle things for you."

"Dark, goddammit, enough wi-"

Dark smiled then, and Carter didn't feel nervous or angry anymore. He was afraid. That was a smile of a man who knew too much about you…who was fumbling your dirty secrets about in his dirty head. Dark slid closer, his cold hand pulling Carter down to look him in the eye, close enough to kiss.

"You called me before, Carter, and I fixed things then too. I've always done right by you, dearie, even if I am a bit… gruff. So tell me, sweetheart, do you have something to say?"

"…"

"I asked if you had any opinion to express, Carter."

"… none at all, Mister Dark."

"That's a good lad." Dark released him then, patting his chest. "Have the girls draw a bath for me, I need a cup of coffee and I have to piss." He steamed away in a haze of smoke, throwing the lit cigar at a staff member who he felt was moving too slowly. Carter watched, breathing slowly with effort. Now, win, lose or draw, he'd been benched. Dark was calling the shots now, he'd be pushed aside, like a child who'd been playing in the kitchen. There was no telling what Dark would do now… there was so much to collect.

"This is Kramer"

"Hey sweetie, are you still at the store?"

"I am going to punch you in the throat. No, I'm on the way back."

"Can you get me a burger and a cup of coffee? The machine at the hotel doesn't have shit in it."

"Harken, are you drunk?"

"No, no, no…well, maybe, why, do I sound drunk? I was drunk last night I think, does that count?"

"Damn it Harken, you need to be lucid."

"Oh come on, I'm as lucid as I ever am. You were gone for two days, what am I supposed to do to keep amused? A man can only masturbate so much."

"Sweet lord, Harken, sober the hell up fast. If you're like this when I get there, I'm getting a transfer. After I beat you senseless."

"Oh stop… get me food, please? Please? No booze for the rest of the week, I swear."

"It's Saturday, Harken."

"Oh… well, for a while then, OK? I'm really… Kramer, I need to go."

"What? What the hell is going on?"

"There's a fat man with no shirt yelling in the parking lot, and he said my name."

"Harken, wh-"

He hung up without looking at the phone, eyes glued to the fat man on the ground floor. The hotel was a big, cheap horseshoe-shaped building on four levels. He'd gone to the third floor on the opposite side to hunt for snacks (and, ideally, medication for his throbbing head), and had an excellent view of his hotel room on the ground floor. The big man with no shirt was standing in front of the door to Harken and Kramer's hotel room. Harken leaned on the railing, squinting in the sun and watching with more amusement then fear.

The big man hammered at the door, then stepped back. He was rather fat, long hair, scraggly beard… he looked like he'd had a rough go at life… missing three fingers on his left hand, too. Something about him rang a bell, somewhere. The fat man laughed, then yelled in a strained voice.

"Wakey Wakey Harken! Mr. Dark sends his love!"

Mr. Dark? As in MC & D? As in the people-

Why would this slob know about th-

Missing three fingers.

Seemed unstable.

Boomer.

FUCK.

Harken tried to take cover, but the exposed walkways offered nothing for protection. The fat man pressed a small device in his hand, and the entire left side of the hotel vanished in a oily black explosion. The walkway, held up by little more then rusty bolts and hope, dropped with a shrieking crash, taking Harken with it. He screamed, trying to find something soft to hit in the kaleidoscope of concrete and metal. He failed, crashing to the ground flat, most likely cracking several ribs, plus a few other things he would have preferred uncracked.

He lay there, the wind knocked out of him, groaning and slowly trying to turn over. He didn't have to, as a meaty hand grabbed and hauled him up like a side of beef. He was suddenly looking into Boomer's sweaty, giggling face as he gripped Harken's now-bloody shirt. Boomer smiled and giggled more, then smashed his thick, stupid skull into Harken's face. It was like being hit by a car.

Harken was working on something witty when Boomer's fleshy fist smashed in to his cheekbone. He moaned, feeling his eye already starting to swell, ears still ringing from the blast. Boomer slapped him then, twice, like getting hit with a cutting board wrapped in a thin layer of padding.

"Mister Dark wants me to tell you to stop it, Harken. He says that you're being too mean and need to stop it, Harken. You got lucky, but if you keep it up he's gonna kill you dirty and slow, Harken. Huh. Heh. He's so mad at you, Harken. I think I'll kill you, Harken, and make Mister Dark happy with me. OK?"

Boomer followed up this with another fist to his face, then his throat, making Harken gasp and croak, trying to wheeze down breath. Over the ringing in his ears was an even more annoying and lovely sound… sirens. Boomer heard them too, swearing breathlessly as he pounded out a few more meaty hits, finally spitting in his face and knocking his head on the blacktop.

"You have a good day, Harken. Huh. Be seeing you later."

He rose and ran off, leaving Harken pounded and bloody on the ground. It seemed like hours later, but finally someone came and started fussing over him. He could feel the heat from the burning hotel, the throbbing of his own bruised and smashed flesh. Not just beaten, no, but beaten by that giggling retard Boomer. He was almost unsure of what hurt more, his ego or his body.

Someone he couldn't see washed his face, swabbing away blood and grime.

"What the hell happened?"

Harken smiled painfully, trying to laugh through pulped ribs.

"Man, I just got here myself."

Kramer drove too fast, looking in the rear-view mirror every few minutes. Harken looked like a man who'd rode inside a cement mixer full of gravel. He moaned occasionally, turning over in his deep, drugged sleep.

She'd seen the explosion just as she pulled off the freeway and realized something had gone wrong. Getting to the hotel wasn't hard: she'd fought the urge to speed there and proceeded to the site at a normal pace. Upon seeing the flashing lights, she'd driven on past. Kramer had parked in an alleyway a mile up the road, waited for more people to respond, readied her FBI credentials and twisted her face to match. After a reasonable delay, she'd threaded her way in, drifting to the ambulances with random flash of ID here and there.

Getting Harken out had been more difficult. She'd been forced to create a distraction. Just a little disconnected heart monitor in another ambulance, enough to make the focus shift. She'd piggy-backed him out through the still-smoking rubble, tossing him into the back seat of her car with as much grace as she could muster.

No way Harken could go to a civvie hospital. Grims was already in the wind, the last thing they needed was another Agent in public hands. Site 46 was close, and had full medical facilities: a bit far, but Harken was tough as a cockroach (despite his near-constant whining). He turned over with a groan, waving a hand feebly. “Jesus, I feel like ass.”

"You don't look much better."

"I'm hurt… aren't you obligated… to be nice… to me?"

"No."

Harken hissed in pain and pressed a hand to his forehead "…it was that… tubby bitch… Boomer… Dark's private… dog. Oooh shit…" Harken rolled over and vomited. There were flecks of blood in it. "He blew the room… moron… thought I… was in it."

"Shut up. We'll be on-site soon."

"…hey, Kramer?"

"…yeah?"

"How about… we leave the… rich boys… alone… for a bit? Go… fuck around… with the Hand… or the Insurgency… or some shit?"

SCP-699 sits in its research bay. Panel on SCP-699 begins to slide forward, approximately 10 cm from top of object.Security camera fails for approximately five minutes.Security footage restored. SCP-699 seen with top panel open, to half the length of object. No entities observed within object or research bay. Research bay door open; guards missing.

O5-8: Lovely. Apparently that thing could let itself out any time it wanted to. And we don't even know what it looks like. Damn!

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-944 is to be surrounded by a 3 m high opaque fence, both to prevent outside access and to allow experimentation unobserved by the public. SCP-944 is officially listed as a condemned building, and “Construction Area” signs are posted to explain the fenced-off area. Level 1 agents wearing ███ █████ Amusement Park security uniforms are to guard the area and prevent unauthorized access.

Non-D-Class personnel entering SCP-944 are cautioned to follow the blue floor lines, indicating safe paths. The “Hall of Fun” is off-limits, due to possible exposure to anomalous effects.

D-Class personnel must be outfitted with subcutaneous GPS location transmitters before being permitted to enter SCP-944.

Description: SCP-944 is a single-story building outfitted as a “mirror maze,” formerly an attraction at ███ █████ Amusement Park in ███████, ██████. After a number of anomalous effects were observed, the building was secured by the Foundation. As the effect appears to be localized, the remainder of the Park is open to the public.

Periodically, individuals entering SCP-944 are capable of walking off the intended paths through the maze and into the mirrors. Despite extensive experimentation, the Foundation has been unable to predict when and where anomalies will occur, or the effects of walking through them. In addition, the distorting mirrors found in the “Hall of Fun” are sometimes capable of producing permanent distortions in the people viewing them.

SCP-944 was built in 2006 and operated normally until Incident 944-U-1 occurred. It is unknown what initiated SCP-944’s anomalous behavior.

Incident 944-U-1: Date: █/██/201█ █████ █████, a 53-year-old male, emerged from the maze, claiming to have been lost in the maintenance tunnels for three days. SCP-944 does not contain maintenance tunnels. Subject treated for dehydration and released. Park security assumed individual was intoxicated and details of incident imaginary.

Incident 944-U-2: Date: █/█/201█ █ ████ ████████, a 12-year-old boy, found severely injured in maze Hallway B, with third-degree burns to hands and feet. Subject claimed to have been detained in a windowless brick room for approximately seven hours, by an individual calling himself “Zippo the Pyromaniac Clown,” who burned and [DATA EXPUNGED] the victim. Victim recalls being told “It’s all part of the show, kid.”

SCP-944 does not contain the area described by the victim. Extensive police search for perpetrator yielded no results.

Use of robot drones to navigate SCP-944 does not appear to trigger anomalous effects. Therefore, use of D-Class personnel in experiments is approved.

Experiment 944-C-1: Date: █/█/201█ Subject D-12154 allowed to walk randomly through SCP-944. Subject observed to walk through Mirror 22, Hallway C and disappear. GPS tracking indicated D-12154 was 700 miles away, in █████, ██. Subject recaptured, and claimed to have walked out of a mirror in the █████ Hotel ballroom. Mirror 22 appeared non-anomalous when examined after incident.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-795 is to be contained in a 75 m x 5 m area divided and secured with clear Plexiglas walls containing locked doors as follows:

(a) One wall/door at 5 m from the far end of the room. SCP-795 lives in the 5 m x 5 m space thus created.

(b) One wall/door at 35 m. This defines the outer limit of the area that SCP-795 can affect while contained in Area (a).

(c) One wall/door at 65 m. Area (c) may be used safely for observation while SCP-795 is contained in Area (a), but must be cleared if an interaction is taking place in Area (b).

(d) A standard containment door at 75m. This creates a 10 x 5 m area where SCP-795 can be safely observed while released into Area (b).

Two Level 1 guards are to be posted in Area (c); they should move to Area (d) if SCP-795 is in Area (b) for an experiment. Due to injury potential, non-D-Class personnel are not permitted to interact directly with SCP-795. An automated food and water dispenser, and litter changer have been installed in Area (a) to limit unnecessary contact with SCP-795.

If necessary, SCP-795 may be tranquilized from a distance and then safely handled.

Additional cats exposed to SCP-795 must be contained in an identical manner for a period of three hours.

• SCP-795 can change the physical form of any living creature it is able to observe, within a range of 30 m.
• SCP-795 can make telepathic suggestions to humans within the above range of effect.

SCP-795 can transfer its abilities to other cats within its range of effect, but this effect on the other cat is temporary and dissipates within three hours of separation from SCP-795.

SCP-795 does not otherwise exhibit any unusual physical or mental abilities. Typically, it will transform anything it considers friendly into another cat (in order to play with it). Anything considered unfriendly or dangerous is transformed into a prey animal and then killed and eaten.

Telepathic suggestions have consisted of desires typical of cats – more/better food, softer bedding, toys, and to be let out of its enclosure. [Staff may purchase appropriate items for SCP-795 at their own expense. – Dr. ██████ ]

SCP-795’s transformations revert after a period of one hour, after removal from SCP-795’s presence. SCP-795 has proven unable to transform itself, inanimate objects, or objects that it cannot see.

Addendum: SCP-795 was originally contained on █/█/20██ at the ███████ Animal Control Center in ██████, ██. According to records found there, SCP-795 is named “Junior,” was approximately two years old upon containment, and had been surrendered by a relative of a deceased prior owner.

[Note from Dr. ██████: We have no idea how she got Junior into the cat carrier and down to ███████]

A number of unusual conditions were found at the Animal Control Center:

(a) All dogs had been euthanized.
(b) Cats were roaming the facility freely.
(c) The Center was $██████ over budget for cat care and supplies.
(d) Three Center staff were missing and presumed [REDACTED].

Cats contained by use of tranquilizing gas.

Initially, all of the cats in the Center exhibited the abilities of SCP-795, but lost their anomalous powers within three hours of being contained and separated.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1000 is to be kept in an underground facility designated as Site-██ in ████████, ██. A 500 by 500 meter area above Site-██ is fenced off and guarded by Class 1 personnel to keep it off-limits to the public. While SCP-1000 is in operation, Mobile Task Force Zeta-43 must be deployed in this area to identify and respond to any anomalous effects.

Class-D personnel are not to be used as SCP-1000 subjects, due to the possibility of their using the anomalous effects and items produced in an escape attempt. Foundation staff are not to be used as SCP-1000 subjects more than once weekly, due to deleterious mental effects from overexposure – see Experiment 1000-K-72 for an example of anomalous staff behavior. Other staff should be rotated monthly.
No other SCP objects are to be stored at, or temporarily allowed onto Site-██.

After Incident 1000-X3, SCP-1000 is not to be left connected to its power supply when not being used in an experiment. As an additional precaution, the Von Neumann-Tesla Resonator must be disconnected when not in use.

All testing of SCP-1000 has been temporarily suspended by O5 order.

Description: SCP-1000 is a collection of machines and computer equipment designed to read the thoughts of a test subject and physically manifest them at a designated location. SCP-1000 is most effective when used with hypnotized test subjects with at least a moderate amount of psychic ability, under the influence of the nootropic drug [REDACTED].

SCP-1000 was obtained from the United States Air Force in 1983, after an incident where a 20-foot-long [DATA EXPUNGED] manifested and destroyed much of the base at Montauk Point, NY. SCP-1000 was generally referred to as the “Montauk Chair” before it was in Foundation custody. The USAF claimed that the Foundation would be better equipped to continue experimentation on this item.

SCP-1000 is built from 1970’s-era equipment and specifically consists of a chair (non-anomalous), a reception helmet to read thoughts as electronic impulses, an IBM-360-91 computer to analyze input and feed it to a Von Neumann-Tesla Resonator, and an antenna to broadcast the resonator output as [REDACTED] waves. Updating SCP-1000 to use modern equipment was under consideration until suspension of testing.

SCP-1000 usage is unreliable in a number of ways:

• Test subjects typically cannot control where an SCP-1000-produced object will appear. MTF Zeta-43 must search the area for the object, starting at the antenna base and ending at the outer range of the antenna.

• Objects produced by SCP-1000 are not fully stable within our dimension. They may be visible but incorporeal, and typically disappear when SCP-1000 is deactivated, or a short time thereafter. A small number of SCP-1000-produced items have remained indefinitely; typically these items are small and inanimate.

• If left fully-assembled and powered, SCP-1000 has demonstrated the ability to operate independently of a test subject. It is unknown whether SCP-1000 is becoming self-aware, or is subject to influences outside of Foundation control.

SCP-1000 requires █ mW of power to operate, and produces strong magnetic and [REDACTED] fields when in operation. Long-term exposure to SCP-1000 has been shown to cause paranoia, schizoaffective disorder, and [DATA EXPUNGED].

Results: Grey and brown mongrel dog, approximately 20 kg, appears near base of antenna. Appears to be normal dog; captured and placed in carrier for transport to Site-19. However, 35 minutes after deactivation of SCP-1000, [DATA EXPUNGED].

Results: Dr. ██████ found wandering approximately 100m from antenna. Appeared disoriented and unaware of his identity or location. Disappeared immediately upon deactivation of SCP-1000. “Real” Dr. ██████ at Site-19 entered a trance state for the duration of the experiment, from which he slowly recovered after it was discontinued.

Results: Incorporeal manifestation of Dr. Caldwell appeared approximately 75 m from antenna. Although inaudible, he appeared to be screaming, and attacked MTF members, seemingly growing increasingly enraged when his attacks had no effect. Remained in area for three days after deactivation of SCP-1000.

Results: Approximately 23 hostile examples of [DATA EXPUNGED] appeared throughout the range of the antenna; SCP-1000 deactivated five minutes later, but the [DATA EXPUNGED] remained and continued to attack MTF-43 members. SCP-953 attempted escape during the resulting confusion.

and proceeded to attack MTF personnel for approximately 15 minutes, disappearing when SCP-1000 spontaneously deactivated itself. While active, Foundation personnel were unable to deactivate SCP-1000 or cut its power.

SCP-058 was under containment for the entire time of this incident; however recordings indicate that it spoke the same phrases heard at the site of SCP-1000.

[Experimentation on SCP-1000 halted by O5 order on 7/27/19██.]

[“Better prepared to experiment on it.” Right. Next time the military can keep their “black budget” junk. – O5-7]

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1000 is to be kept in a 30 m x 30 m semi-aquatic containment area, in total darkness, at an ambient temperature of 10 degrees C. It should be fed ██ kg of fresh meat daily. Personnel entering the containment area are cautioned to bring a strong portable light source, to prevent the approach of SCP-1000. In event of simultaneous power failure and containment breach, follow Protocol K-26.

Description: SCP-1000 is an immature (approximately 3 m) specimen of the Northern Subterranean Alligator (Alligator borealis subterraneus), a relative of the American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis) adapted to live in cold, dark, underground environments. The Northern Subterranean Alligator exhibits several unusual traits that the American Alligator does not:

— It is typically albino.
— It can survive near-freezing water temperatures.
— It strongly dislikes light.
— Exhibits considerable resistance to the effects of radiation and toxic chemicals.
— It hunts in small groups, displaying greater intelligence than other alligator species.
— Specimens up to 10 m in length and 1000 kg in weight have been reported.
— It can imitate the sounds of other beings in its environment to attract prey. It is colloquially known as the "Parrot Alligator" to those aware of its ability.

Dr. ████████ has trained SCP-1000 to speak several English phrases in addition to its typical cries. Wild specimens do not normally have enough human contact to do this.

A significant number of Northern Subterranean Alligators are known to inhabit the New York City sewer system, occasionally wandering into subway tunnels in search of prey. As they are typically encountered only by their victims, most people regard the species as an “urban legend.”

When living in the sewer system, the Northern Subterranean Alligator typically eats rats, in addition to miscellaneous organic items it can scavenge. Larger specimens will use their imitative skill to attract more sizable prey – primarily humans and dogs – by lurking at the bottom of a manhole or the edge of a subway tunnel and imitating a dog’s bark or a human cry. Smaller specimens of this alligator are able to climb ladders and open manhole covers to facilitate access to prey, and will cooperate with larger examples waiting below.

It is estimated that over ████ individuals have disappeared since 1800 due to alligator predation in New York City.

Addendum 1: Rumors that these alligators are trained to serve as hunting animals and possibly pets by [DATA EXPUNGED] sharing their environment are under investigation, but regarded as unreliable by most Foundation personnel. The Foundation has never seen evidence of a [DATA EXPUNGED], living or dead.

Addendum 2: Due to the confirmed presence of an SCP-363 infestation in the New York City sewers, MTF Omega-14 (aka "The Crocodile Hunters") has been tasked with procuring additional specimens of SCP-1000 for cross-testing. Since these two species have most likely already met in the wild, it is a Priority One issue to determine the results of this interaction.

Addendum 3: Reports of infestations in Chicago, Detroit, and Minneapolis are under investigation.

Special Containment Procedures: A single copy of a computer program capable of producing SCP-259 is to be kept on compact disc in the High Security Containment Vault at Site-25. As discs containing SCP-259 are typically destroyed during experimentation, additional copies may be made for approved experiments.

Mobile Task Force Gamma-10 remains on standby to collect and neutralize any copies of SCP-259 found outside the Foundation. Unauthorized media containing SCP-259 or the means to produce it are to be destroyed immediately.

Description: SCP-259 is a fractal image known as "The Weisenglass Spiral". A completed rendering of SCP-259 acts as an Einstein-Rosen Bridge, opening a portal to an unknown location. The locations accessed appear to vary depending on the size and orientation of the rendered image, and have included:

— An area filled with superheated plasma (estimated temperature 20,000,000 degrees Kelvin). See Incident K-259-1.
— An area populated with carnivorous spiders (species unknown; weight approximately 10kg). See Incident K-259-2.
— Deep space. See Experiment X-259-2.
— An area possibly corresponding to the dimension opened by SCP-███. See Experiment X-259-3.

Foundation mathematicians are working on determining why this specific fractal has anomalous properties, and whether other similarly anomalous images exist. By O5 order, any image rendering related to SCP-259 experimentation must take place at least ████m from inhabited areas.

Incident K-259-2 makes it clear that SCP-259 is being used with malicious intent. The Foundation is working with global anti-terrorism forces to retrieve SCP-259 from the organization responsible for this incident.

Addendum:

Incident K-259-1 – A residence hall at ███████ University was destroyed by explosion/fire on █/█/20██. Authorities were mystified that conditions at the center of the incident resembled the detonation of a small fusion-based device. Graduate student █████ ███████ was completely vaporized, as were ██ others, including several who left shadows imprinted on the nearest standing walls. Questioning of survivors indicated that ███████ had gone to his room with a CD he had recently ordered from ██████.com, “to play with some fractals.” leading to the eventual discovery of a program capable of rendering SCP-259 for sale on the site.

Incident K-259-2 – █/██/201█ Image of SCP-259, approximately 10m x 10m in size, appears on Diamond Vision screen during soccer game at ███████ Stadium, outside ██████████, ███████. Approximately 60,000 people in attendance. Survivors report a large circular anomaly appeared in front of the image, and spiders "poured out" from it, attacking anyone they could reach. Approximately █████ casualties. Spiders contained/terminated over the course of █ weeks by combined MTF effort. Although the spiders averaged 10kg in weight, and correspond to no known terrestrial species, SCP classification denied. Possible relation to SCP-8██ is being investigated. ███████ ████ organization later claimed responsibility for the image. Mass application of amnesiacs necessary to partially suppress public knowledge of this event.

Experiment X-259-1 — A battery-powered computer was set up in an uninhabited area of the ██████ Desert to render an image of The Weisenglass Spiral, with remote cameras and sensors set up to monitor the results. Foundation personnel observed at a safe distance. Upon completion of the image, a circular area appeared in front of the computer, approximately 1m in diameter, emitting a blinding white light followed by a ball of superheated plasma. Despite the immediate destruction of the computer, the portal remained for approximately 20 seconds. The plasma dissipated after expanding to an area of ███ meters. Given the interference provided by the building in Incident K-259-1, this is consistent with the damage observed.

Dr. ███████ considers it interesting that SCP-259 took effect without direct human observation.

Experiment X-259-2 — Experiment X-259-1 re-created, except the size of the rendered fractal was doubled. Upon completion of image, a black portal approximately 3m in diameter appeared, and all matter within ███m was pulled into it. This is consistent with an otherwise unexplained incident in ███████, ████ where an apartment building was described by observers as imploding and disappearing, leaving a ███m deep hole.

Experiment K-259-3 – Generation of an inverted version of SCP-259. [DATA EXPUNGED] and area quarantined pending containment of multiple examples of SCP-███.

Special Containment Procedures: A single printed copy of SCP-259 is to be kept in a High-Value Item Containment Vault at Site-██. Access to SCP-259 is forbidden without O5 approval. Personnel exposed to SCP-259 are to be treated with Class A amnesiacs, and must be terminated in case of amnesiac failure.

Description: SCP-259 is a correct mathematical proof of “Fermat’s Last Theorem”. Producing, reading, or copying SCP-259 compromises local dimensional integrity and has led to possession of the reader by [REDACTED], invasions of [DATA EXPUNGED], and the opening of a portal to what is apparently SCP-███’s home world. The anomalous effects of SCP-259 appear to vary depending on the time, place, and method of invocation. Experimentation to determine the parameters of these effects is ongoing. Due to the inherent dangers, only D-Class personnel are permitted to read SCP-259.After the incident on █/██/20██, resulting in the destruction of Site-92 and ███ casualties, experimentation with SCP-259 has been halted indefinitely.

The Foundation and its predecessors succeeded in suppressing 24 incidents of SCP-259 creation/usage between 1665 and 1994, by spreading the rumor that Fermat’s Last Theorem is an unsolvable mathematical problem. After a high-casualty incident in 1988, the O5 Committee authorized research into an alternate proof, designated SCP-259-A, that does not have anomalous properties. The alternate proof was completed in 1995 by Dr. ████. Extensive testing indicates that SCP-259-A is safe for public viewing, and it has been published by a Foundation front, Scientific Community Press.

The likelihood of independent discovery and reproduction of the contents of SCP-259 is an ongoing concern of the Foundation, and is responsible for SCP-259's Keter classification. At least one Mobile Task Force must be available at all times to react to uncontained appearances of SCP-259. The MTF must:

(a) Confiscate any uncontained copies of SCP-259. These are to be destroyed.
(b) Apply Class-A amnesiacs to any civilians exposed to SCP-259.
(c) Provide copies of SCP-259-A to said civilians, and use hypnotic suggestion to convince them SCP-259-A is a genuine copy of SCP-259.

Additional personnel may well be required to contain the collateral damage of SCP-259 usage.

Procedures (b) and (c) are also to be performed upon anyone discovered writing that there must be a simpler proof than SCP-259-A. Termination is authorized for subjects upon whom these procedures are ineffective.

Any form of mass distribution of SCP-259 is to be considered a potential XK scenario, and is to be responded to as a Class 1 Containment Emergency.

Personnel with Level 3 or higher clearance may consult Document M-1141 for a list of additional mathematical and scientific theorems considered unsafe for public knowledge. In addition, they may consult Advanced Theory of Interdimensional Mathematics by ███████ ██████ for theories on why SCP-259 possesses anomalous properties, but SCP-259-A does not.

Addendum: For reference, Fermat's Last Theorem states that: "No nontrivial integer solutions exist for the equation

Special Containment Procedures: As it is not possible to relocate SCP-557, Research Site 29 has been built surrounding it. Geographic and aerial surveys of the area have been altered to make it appear to be empty desert, with no valuable archaeological or mineral features.

On-site personnel have several tasks:

• To prevent unauthorized observation of, and access to, SCP-557. Despite its inhospitable location, several occult groups including the ████████ ████ appear to be aware of SCP-557 and have shown an interest in it. Unauthorized personnel are to be taken into custody, interrogated, and dealt with appropriately. Anyone attempting to tunnel below Level 5, or disturb the stone block in the floor of Room 501, is to be terminated immediately.

• To continue to attempt translation of the records found in SCP-557.

• To monitor the area for SCP-557-1. SCP-557-1 should be assumed to be Keter-class and is to be terminated on sight.

• To monitor Room 501 and serve as a strike team should anything emerge from beneath it.

Description: SCP-557 is an Umm an-Nar era tomb estimated to have been built ca. 2400 BC., on a gravel plain in the “Empty Quarter” of Northwestern Oman. Investigation of the surrounding area indicates it may be part of the lost city of Ubar. Unlike similar structures, SCP-557 includes five underground levels, constructed primarily of sandstone, apparently used as an ancient prison and containment site.

Although living quarters and weapons for approximately ███ staff/guards exist on Level 1, the facility appears to have been slowly abandoned over the years, and empty since ca. 300 AD. Only two skeletons were found on Level 1.

A substantial library of records was found on Level 1, in a number of ancient languages. Only the records in Egyptian, and a final note left in Greek have been translated.

Levels 2 and 3 are stated in the records to be a prison for “heretics and sorcerers” but appear not to have been used for up to 1000 years before the site was abandoned.

Level 4 is described as “a place for the abnormal.” Skeletons resembling SCP-███ and ███ have been discovered locked away in stone cells, confirming the intent of the structure.

Level 5 consists of a 50m long hallway filled with complex traps and deadfalls, leading to a single large (20m x 20m) room, designated as 501. Although all of the traps appear to have been sprung or cleared, researchers should exercise caution. The door to Room 501, anachronistically composed of [REDACTED] was found torn down from the inside. Based on the distribution of dust in this area, this event happened only approximately 20 years ago.

In the center of the floor of Room 501 is a 3m x 3m granite block, estimated to weigh 80,000 kg. The block is covered with untranslated runes. A similar, thinner, block stands in the room and shows evidence that a living being [designated SCP-557-1] was chained to it, using chains from the same material as the door. No evidence of the continued presence of SCP-557-1 has been found. Translated records only refer to SCP-557-1 as “the prisoner” with the exception of one reference in Egyptian to “the bastard son of Apep.”

Addendum: Translation of a note found in the records room:

“I will write in Greek, so that any learned man who finds this place will understand. I am the last of the Keepers, and I will be dead soon. The sands are taking this place, and perhaps it is for the best. The prisoner must not escape, and the gateway to the dark must never be opened. I do not think the gate can be moved, but who knows of the prisoner? Not even the Gods could kill it, and it was only with their help that he was secured. Without the rituals, I do not know. Secure the door the best you can, and never move the stone.

Special Containment Procedures: When not being used in an experiment, SCP-157 is to be stored in its cryptobiotic form, in a dry, airtight container. It is estimated that SCP-157 can survive in this condition for at least 10 years. Specimens needed for experimentation can be removed from storage and given water then food to restore them to a usable state.

Personnel working with an active SCP-157 colony are cautioned not to eat, drink, change clothing, or apply any substance to their body in the presence of SCP-157.

Description: SCP-157 is a previously unknown microscopic animal in the Tardigrade phylum, adapted to live on land as a predator. Like other Tardigrades, SCP-157 is extremely resistant to environmental damage, and can enter a cryptobiotic state when no food is present. SCP-157 normally exists as an amorphous mass composed of millions of individual organisms. In this form, it can slowly crawl and climb.

SCP-157 colonies are predatory, and can attack insects and small animals by engulfing them and then slowly dissolving their prey with digestive enzymes. Humans and other large prey are not normally attacked directly by SCP-157 colonies, as they are too large to engulf, and long-term contact is necessary for SCP-157 to successfully feed. The organism has developed an alternative method of achieving such contact.

SCP-157 colonies are moderately sentient and telepathic; it is assumed they form a type of hive mind when sufficiently large. When in the presence of prey that is too large to directly attack, the SCP-157 colony will assume the appearance of something its prey wants to eat, wear, or apply to its body. SCP-157 is highly toxic when eaten; someone having done so requires antidotes to [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] within 20 minutes, as well as immediate gastric surgery to remove the portion that was eaten. When applied to human/animal skin, SCP-157 will produce an anesthetic to encourage prey to ignore pain and leave the organism in place. It then dissolves and consumes the skin within 30 minutes to two hours. Dead prey is rapidly consumed and SCP-157 will grow significantly as it feeds. When reaching a size of 5 kg, SCP-157 will split into smaller colonies that move off in search of new prey.

When in the presence of two or more individuals, SCP-157 will have an inconsistent appearance – it may appear to be a food item to one person, and an article of clothing to another. This can serve as a warning and prevent exposure to the organism.

Addendum: Note that due to its resilient nature, SCP-157 can be split into smaller pieces, boiled, microwaved, etc. and remain alive and dangerous.

SCP-157 Capture Incidents:

Incident 157-01 █████ ██████, found with extensive scalp damage after mistaking SCP-157 for a bottle of shampoo and applying some to his hair. Victim was apparently immune to SCP-157 anesthetic and began screaming, attracting the attention of his wife, who had been eating a snack. “It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen – he had a pastrami sandwich on his head, and it was eating HIM!” Victim treated for chemical burns; SCP-157 captured alive; victim and wife given Class A amnesiac and released.

Incident 157-02 ███████ █████, found partially consumed by SCP-157 in his office at ██████ Co., after apparently believing SCP-157 was a pair of socks and wearing them. Victim bled to death after feet and lower legs were mostly dissolved.

Special Containment Procedures:SCP-193 is contained in a standard 10m by 10m research bay at Site 37 for testing. After the incidents described below, SCP-193 has been designated Keter and moved to Underground Site 45. It is to be stored 20m below ground, in a room composed of 30cm thick lead bricks with an acid-resistant coating. No other SCP objects are to be stored at this site. Remote observation of SCP-193 and its controls is to be maintained at all times.

Description: SCP-193 is a large machine, filling most of a 10m x 10m room. Although composed of mundane electronic and mechanical equipment, SCP-193 requires no electric power to run, and produces effects inconsistent with its construction. It is capable, under unknown conditions, of setting and operating itself. SCP-193 has survived a number of incidents which should have damaged or destroyed it.

SCP-193 has over 100 switches, dials, levers, and valves seemingly controlling its operation. While the Foundation has recorded effects for various settings, they do not appear to be repeatable. Notes accompanying SCP-193 are written in a code that has resisted decryption.

SCP-193 was removed from a warehouse owned by ███████ ███████, identified as a high-level member of the Church of the Broken God. ███████ was captured when he arrived while SCP-193 was being secured.

Experiments on SCP-193:

Experiment 193-1: Dr. Caldwell was instructed to use the main lever and the switches on Panel A. Switches 1, 6, 39, and 45 set to “on.” SCP-193 produced a 10kg bar of gold from output chute D.

Experiment 193-3: D-45120 instructed to turn on switches 11,14,17 and 53. SCP-193 produced a wave of unknown radiation turning D-45120 and two security guards outside the containment area blue.

Recorded Interrogation of ███████ ███████

Subject was initially hostile, but after being subjected to sufficient sensory deprivation, [REDACTED], and sodium pentothal, the Foundation was able to obtain some information.

Dr. Williams: You are ███████ ███████?

███████: Yes.

Dr. Williams: You are a member of the Church of the Broken God?

███████: I am an…Elder Architect. What you would call a high priest. (laughs) I shouldn’t tell you this, but it doesn’t matter. You can’t stop us. The Great Reconstruction is soon.

Dr. Williams: And your machine is part of that?

███████: My construct? Yes. It performs the will of the Lord. We all build them. Soon they will all be one. I hear the Heart of God even now. It calls to us…calls to us.

Dr. Williams: How do you operate

[Interrogation ended, as SCP-193 set itself to a complex pattern and produced 50kg of [REDACTED], which immediately exploded, destroying half of Site-37. Dr. Williams and ███████ were both casualties. SCP-193 was undamaged, and moved to Underground Site 45.]

Good Evening, this is O5-7 with a Public Service Announcement. Here in the United States and abroad, SCPs are starving and homeless, but you can help by sponsoring an SCP through the Christian SCP Fund. For less than a dollar a day, your contribution can:

— Provide SCP-053 with the clothes she needs to go to school.

— Keep SCP-682’s containment tank full of Hydrofluoric Acid.

— Feed a Pufferkitten for a month.

When you sponsor an SCP, we’ll send you its picture and Containment Report. You may write to your SCP whenever you wish, and quarterly progress reports let you see how your sponsorship is helping.

Please give. Think of the Pufferkittens.

Disclaimer: The Christian SCP Fund is not responsible for:

— Injuries sustained while visiting Euclid and Keter-level SCPs.

— Memetic effects of letters from your SCP.

— Mental disturbances caused by a picture of your SCP eating a [REDACTED].

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-911 is to be stored in a locked High-Value-Item Containment Box. It is not to be handled with bare skin unless being used in an experiment. Researchers are warned to take extreme caution when dealing with subjects created by SCP-911, due to the possibility of contamination by [DATA EXPUNGED]. See Addendum 911-2 (below)."

Description: SCP-911 is a papyrus scroll of The Egyptian Book of the Dead, dating from approximately 1375 B.C. Analysis has not shown any anomalous composition of materials. When a living human makes skin contact with SCP-911, in 90% of cases, their personality, memory, and higher brain functions - "consciousness", for lack of a better term - is drawn into the scroll, leaving a husk devoid of sentience which dies within 1-2 days.

There is a 10% chance that contact with SCP-911 will exchange the mind and personality of the subject making contact with that of one previously stored in the scroll. Personae recovered from SCP-911 are described in Addendum 911-1, and these subjects must be kept in Foundation custody, both for study and for their own safety.

Only D-Class Personnel should be used in experiments with SCP-911, due to the low probability of ever recovering the consciousness of the original subject. Due to the interview with Subject 911-4, no further experimentation is to take place without O5 approval.

Addendum 911-1: Recovered Subjects from SCP-911

Subject 911-1: Inhabiting the body of Agent █████████, who discovered SCP-911 at ███ ███████ in ████, Subject 911-1 claims to be a librarian from the Royal Library of Alexandria, captured by SCP-911 circa 180 B.C. Subject retains no memory of his captivity. After recovering from the shock of being transported over 2000 years into the future, subject has been quite cooperative and provided a considerable amount of useful historical background on his era. Researchers speaking the appropriate dialect of Greek are welcome to interview him.

Subject 911-2 Formerly D-16173, Subject 911-2 claims to be King ██████ ██ of ███████, a noted collector of ancient manuscripts who suffered a mysterious fate in 1327. Whether or not he is lying about his identity is currently under dispute by several of his interviewers.

Subject 911-3 Formerly D-16292, Subject 911-3 has provided no useful information as to his identity or origin. Subject is apparently insane due to long-term dissociation and sensory deprivation, and screams incoherently in Medieval French if the environment darkens below approximately 1000 lumens.

Subject 911-4 Formerly D-16544, Subject 911-4 is Professor █████ ████████, documented as having been found dead while doing research on Ancient Languages on December 5, 1931. Professor ████████ claims to have been sentient during his entire captivity, and to have maintained his sanity through meditation and strength of will.

Subject 911-4: I was researching the usage of some hieroglyphs, and touched the manuscript. The next thing I knew, I was floating in an endless void.

Dr. ████: What was it like where you were?

Subject 911-4: Empty. Featureless. Nothing to do but float. There were others, but most of them are drifting, forever asleep. Occasionally a portal opened, and some new soul drifted in.

Dr. ████: If you were awake, why couldn't you leave before you did?

Subject 911-4: The portal would only open for a few seconds. Sometimes one of the sleepers would drift out by chance. They were always near it, and only one could go through. We'd have to fight through the crowd, and I guess it took years for me to make it in time. Besides, we had to avoid Him.

Dr. ████: Him?

Subject 911-4: The █████████. The one who made that place. He would merge with anyone he could capture. All they knew would be part of him, and lost to the world. He is mad. Screaming for thousands of years…nothing but screaming. He screams about the Collective. He thinks it will make him God, but it will be nothing but madness. All that he learns, he screams into the void.

Dr. ████: The █████████. Why hasn't he left?

Subject 911-4: He is waiting. Waiting for the right time, the right body. He knows of you. He merged with one of your "agents". He screams about "SCPs" now, and how he must merge with SCP-███ and SCP-███. The Foundation will save him. It made no sense at the time, but I understand now — they are people or things in your possession. They will make him [DATA EXPUNGED]. Don't let him out. Never let him out.

<Interview ended> SCP-911-4 began crying.

Addendum 911-3 Interviews with subject 911-2 have described an entirely different environment "inside" the scroll. However, 911-2 also speaks of a malevolent, insane entity; in light of this, the Foundation has taken measures to [DATA EXPUNGED]. O5 Command ordered experimentation on SCP-911 to cease cease without clearance from 2 or more O5 level personnel, upon reading a transcript of this interview.

Special Containment Procedures: Although it is not possible to remove SCP-069 from the New York City subway system, its predictable behavior allows The Foundation to prevent the public from encountering it. The 59th St. A/B/C/D Station is to be closed to the public from 11pm-1am on Saturdays/Sundays under the pretext of “track maintenance.” During that time, the station is to be staffed with agents from Mobile Task Force Gamma-6. Agents have been ordered to prevent accidental public access to the station, and to capture anyone seen leaving SCP-069. Anyone who has been on SCP-069 must be transported to Site-21 for debriefing and processing. Members of the public who see SCP-069 may be released after the administration of a Class B amnesiac.

Description: SCP-069 is a type R4 New York City subway train. Official records indicate this train was built in 1932 and decommissioned for scrap in 1975. Nevertheless, it continues to appear on the Uptown A/D track at the 59th St. and 8th Avenue station at 11:57 p.m. every Saturday. The train is in perfect condition and labeled as an “A” train. SCP-069 appears at the designated time, opens its doors to accept/discharge passengers for approximately five minutes, then closes its doors and disappears. It does not appear to ever contain passengers, except for those leaving the train during its appearance.

Most of the people entering SCP-069 have never been seen again. Passengers leaving the train claim to have entered it on various dates, ranging from 1975 to 2204, and remember nothing about the train ride.

Addendum: Passengers leaving SCP-069 must be brought to Site-21 and interrogated to determine their origin and possible threat to the current timestream. Generally, passengers from the past may be given Class A amnesiacs and reintegrated into society. Passengers from the future must be held indefinitely (see order 69-A1 from O5-9). Site-21 currently holds 26 passengers from dates ranging from 2011 to 2204; the latter claims he thought SCP-069 was a 300th Anniversary Special train.

Special Containment Procedures: The SCP-456 colony is to be kept in a sealed containment room. Personnel entering the containment area should wear Level 1 biohazard suits to avoid being bitten by SCP-456, and the suits must be treated with insecticide upon leaving the enclosure. When not being used in experiments, SCP-456 must be fed ██ ml of human or animal blood per 100 insects, weekly.

Description: SCP-456 is a variety of the common bedbug (Cimex lectularius). In addition to an anticoagulant, SCP-456 injects a narcotic (identified as an analogue of fentanyl) when biting its host. As a result, victims of SCP-456 infestations experience increasing euphoria and somnolence as the number of insects increases, eventually sleeping 24 hours/day.

SCP-456 was identified after a number of individuals were found dead in their homes, suffering from varying degrees of malnutrition, blood loss, and narcotics toxicity. SCP-456 continues to be a problem in the wild. To reduce the number of infestations, the CDC has issued a false report that bedbugs carry █████████ and must be exterminated when found.

Addendum: Four D-Class were requisitioned for exposure to SCP-456, to determine long-term effects.

Experiment 456-1: D-17514 exposed to SCP-456 and fed standard rations, but given no other special treatment. After 17 days of exposure, D-17514 slept constantly and was unable to care for himself. Subject expired from malnutrition █ days later.

Experiment 456-2: D-17515 exposed to SCP-456 and fed intravenously when unable to care for herself. Subject expired from blood loss after ██ days.

Experiment 456-4: D-17517 exposed to SCP-456, fed intravenously, and given periodic blood transfusions in addition to small doses of a narcotic antagonist. Subject has survived for ███ days, and is currently supporting a colony of ██████ insects.

Addendum: Mobile Task Force 73 is investigating a report that a drug cartel located in ██████████, Mexico is using kidnap victims to breed SCP-456 and extract the narcotics produced. Anyone found to be using SCP-456 in this manner is to be terminated.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-506 grows in a 3m x 3m patch of soil, kept watered and fertilized via an automatic system. The air of the room where SCP-506 is kept must be filtered to prevent release of SCP-506 seeds into the environment. Personnel entering the enclosure must wear biohazard suits composed of inorganic material, and must be decontaminated upon leaving the area.

(1) SCP-506 will attempt to grow on any organic material, including on living beings.

(2) SCP-506 grows extremely rapidly, reaching full size in five minutes or less.

(3) Due to its rapid growth, SCP-506 drains its growing medium of nutrients at an accelerated rate. Nothing will grow in soil that has harbored SCP-506 plants without extensive nutrient replacement.

(4) SCP-506 seeds are much smaller than typical squash seeds, and disperse easily in the wind.

SCP-506 is inedible, as the seeds will [DATA EXPUNGED] if any are consumed. To the best of the knowledge of The Foundation, SCP-506 has not escaped into the wild, and █ █ █ █ █ █ █ Corporation has destroyed all samples in their possession.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1225-J is to be kept in a standard 0.5m x 0.5m x 0.25m Small Object Containment Box at Site-██. It is to be kept 5m or more away from standard bakery ingredients when not being experimented on. SCP-1225-J should not be handled with bare hands due to an incident where [DATA EXPUNGED].

Description: SCP-1225-J appears to be a fruitcake weighing approximately 1.5kg. It was originally found in a metal box with a card inscribed “Merry Christ Mass 1786.” SCP-1225-J exhibits several anomalous properties:

(1) It has the ability to violate the laws of physics and be in multiple places at the same time. It is theorized that every fruitcake anywhere in the world is a duplicate of SCP-1225-J (without its unusual powers).

(2) Pieces removed from copies of SCP-1225-J also disappear from the original.

(3) It will rapidly regenerate any pieces removed – either directly from SCP-1225-J or any of its copies. When fruitcake is “in season” the artifact becomes a disturbing blur of pieces appearing and disappearing.

(4) The artifact will attract and absorb standard fruitcake ingredients (flour, sugar, molasses, candied fruit, liquor, etc.) placed within 3m. It need not do so, however, to regenerate as described above.

Addendum: It is possible to cut slices directly from SCP-1225-J. They have been described as incredibly stale and make most test subjects slightly ill if eaten.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-119 is to be contained in a standard 10m x 10m room designed for human habitation. A dumbwaiter has been set up so that food and other small objects may be supplied to SCP-119 without direct contact. Except for purposes of experimentation, SCP-119 may only communicate with other personnel via remote means. Anyone having direct contact with SCP-119 must be quarantined until it is ascertained they are not experiencing memetic effects from the interaction.

Description: SCP-119 is a 57-year-old Caucasian male, approximately 1.7m
(5’6”) tall and weighing 90kg (198lb). The subject, R████ M█████, was an insurance salesman before coming to the attention of the Foundation. SCP-119 came to the attention of the Foundation following a bizarre series of crimes and suicidal acts. A Foundation agent monitoring the police blotter in █████████, ██ became aware that the only connection between these incidents was prior contact with SCP-119.

Many subjects encountering SCP-119 afterwards find themselves compelled to perform acts dangerous to themselves and/or others. Tapes of interactions with SCP-119 show no direct or indirect requests to perform these acts, and SCP-119 claims no knowledge or involvement with them. Most subjects meeting SCP-119 find him unattractive, obnoxious, and with no special powers of persuasion.

Subjects questioned about, or interrupted from the influence of SCP-119 are vaguely confused, and attribute their actions to “the people upstairs.” The length of the effects can be up to two weeks. Investigation is ongoing into the cause, and whether those under the influence of SCP-119 can pass the effect on to others.

The effects only appear in subjects physically within 2m of SCP-119; not through remote communication.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-699 is to be kept in a standard 8 x 8 x 5m research bay, which was built around the object in the sub-basement of Site-██. The object shall be guarded at all times by two Level 1 personnel who have had a “negative” reaction to the object (see below) and have shown no interest in opening it. In addition, the artifact is to be kept under video surveillance at all times.

Unauthorized attempts to open SCP-699 will be met with severe disciplinary procedures, up to and including termination. Any signs of an escape attempt by the contents of SCP-699 must immediately be reported to a Level 4 staff member, so that further containment procedures can be initiated. Any containment breach is to be met with full force.

Description: SCP-699 is a clear rectangular case 2.5 x 1.5 x 1 meters in size. Engraved on one side is the SCP Foundation “Keter” symbol, and “SCP-17591.” The artifact appears to be plexiglass, but is in fact a super-dense polymer much stronger and heavier than any material currently manufactured. The weight of the object is estimated at 24,000kg. SCP-699 shows no seams in its construction, and no obvious means of opening it. It has resisted all attempts to open, damage, or acquire a sample of the material it is composed of. Attempts to acquire a small sample of the material so that it can be reproduced are ongoing.

The contents of SCP-699 are under investigation and currently in dispute among researchers. The contents of SCP-699 are apparently telepathic and appear differently to most observers, depending upon their desires and psychological state.

90% of observers see the contents in a positive way – as something they want to possess or to release. These viewers have reported seeing precious metals, artwork, family members, pets, religious figures, and apparently useful technology contained in SCP-699, and experience a strong desire to open the container.

Approximately 9% of observers have a “negative” reaction to SCP-699’s contents, and view something frightening or dangerous. Reported contents have included spiders, snakes, demonic humanoids, and other dangerous SCP artifacts, including SCP-682. These observers do not exhibit any desire to release the contents of SCP-699.

Two observers – Dr. ████, and Dr. ██████ — have observed the same thing when viewing SCP-699 — they claim it is entirely empty.
["It's obviously just a prank." — Dr. ████]

The contents of SCP-699 are capable of appearing in different forms simultaneously to multiple observers. Other than the form-masking telepathy, and the transmission of a desire to be released, SCP-699 has not attempted to communicate with anyone.

Addendum: SCP-699 was first discovered when it appeared in the third-floor break room of Site-██, at 3:14am on █/█/20██. Due to its weight, it immediately crashed through several floors of the site, landing undamaged in the sub-basement. Unfortunately, it caused $█ million in damage to the building, released SCP-███, and SCP-███ was crushed beneath it upon landing. SCP-699 is too heavy to move, so containment was built around it.

A partial report on SCP-699 was found attached to the artifact:
[This report is for Level 4 and above eyes only. Unfortunately, most of the report was damaged when SCP-699 arrived, and is unreadable.]

2/7/2466 Escape imminent. Experimental Containment Procedure “T” to be implemented immediately. We believe the inhabitants of the receiving timeline lack the [report damaged] and will for many years.

[Note from the Records Clerk: I am not about to mess up our database and call this thing SCP-17591. It is SCP-699 until further notice.]

[Note from O5-█: Do not start tossing recalcitrant/dangerous artifacts into the nearest dimensional portal. It is clearly not safe for many of the items under our control, and there is significant debate among Senior Staff over whether it should ever be done.

Footnotes

1. The latter item has not, to date, been recovered by the Foundation. Field Order 1696-3 has been issued indicating any specimens found should be contained.

2. The Foundation takes no responsibility for the presence of hallucinogenic pens at the Marshall Carter & Dark auction on █/██/20██.