addiction felt organic

Addiction felt organic. Like I went back in time, to when people worried about the basic needs: food, shelter and warmth. Addiction feels like that, like modern society’s only solution to returning to that level of simplicity, except the basic needs change – to money and drugs.

Addicts don’t worry about what they’re going to be when they mature or their retirement plan. They don’t plan to live long enough to care, really. Addicts don’t worry about what you think about them or how you feel about their latest kind of fashion. Unless, of course, your opinion somehow affects their money or their drugs.

It’s probably not politically correct to mention this but being an addict is a whole lot easier than being a sober person. Admittedly, it’s not as fulfilling or peaceful, life isn’t filled with intimate friendships and tender moments but, frankly, an addict only cares about that loss when they’ve sobered up – and then the concern is fixing the problem of sobriety, not the problem of missing tender moments.

A sober person, on the other hand, has to worry about the what-ifs in life. What if I never meet Mr. Right? What if I lose my job tomorrow? What if my family is upset with me because of that decision or that mistake? What if, what if, what if? It’s exhausting really. It’s exhausting to me, I confess.

I admit, though, to being fully commited to switching sides. Having lived, fully immersed, on both sides of the fence, if you will, I can assure you that sober living has far more moments of peace than addicted living does. When you’re addicted to a drug you are never at peace; you’re always considering what will happen when you run out, how much money are you making and how much can you spare, what bill can you not pay in order to be able to buy more, on and on and on. When you’re sober living, you may have some moments of panicked ‘what if’ but there’s nothing too big to find a solution to, if you’re sober enough to try.

I’ve lost the simplicity of organic living somewhere along the way, it’s true, but I’ve found reasons to live and that is far more important.