This isn't my story, but an older one from Sherdog that I thought was great:

Originally Posted by waran_esmil You had to be there for this one. I've only been teaching for a couple years and this was my first experience in having to kick someone out. This took place over about six months.

We had this older gentleman...probably in his fifties come in to learn judo. I knew something was off about this guy within the first thirty seconds of meeting him.

Basically, he didn't want to do anything at first (and would not be near or "work with females") but do shoulder rolls and land on his knees with his hands in front of him like he's keeping someone away...and would do the Ronald Reagan head-knod at the same time...it was some funny shit to see, let me tell you. When we drilled throws, he always resisted and would try to do some wrist-locking shit on whoever was his partner. When it was his turn to do throws, he would do them, but also randomly drop and do a very shitty double leg because that was "more real."

One night, (I think) I was demonstrating a guard pass when I hear him say, "Tony, do this...put your elbow in his private parts. That will make him open his legs quicker." While, yes, that probably would, but I explain, again, one of the many rules of the SPORT of judo, for the trillionth time, "No, I'm not going to elbow uke in the balls, and you won't either...we don't do that." like he's a five-year-old.

There are many other incidents like this, but this is getting too long.

Tournament time rolls around. This guy wants to compete. I say "okay," because by this time, I've explained judo rules until I could puke coat hangers, but have no idea how bad it's going to get. We go to the tournament. His first match is up. He gets on the mat wearing some maroon-colored sweat pants tucked into his knee-high socks, his gi sleeves rolled up to his armpits, and a green trucker hat. I'm not making this shit up. After the ref explaining the rules (that we gave him in the form of a handout and speech many times) about the uniform. He finally abides and is drop seoinage-d promptly for ippon. He does all of the bowing, and gets off the mat...no drama at all.

He has another match, he gets on the mat again, wearing the same maroon-colored sweat pants tucked into his knee-high socks, his gi sleeves rolled up to his armpits, wearing his green trucker hat...again. He finally gets talked into taking off his combat armor...again. He is ouchi gari-d and instead of getting up and bowing he rushes the guy, and tries to double-leg him repeatedly. Ten people rush in to get him off this kid. He continues to make a scene and ends up being arrested. The only thing that made up for this was how well my other students ended up doing, coming home with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd places all over the place (but mostly embarrassed).

The body that was sanctioning the tournament has banned/blacklisted him and post his picture like a wanted poster to not let him into any facility they are in. He came into our club that Monday, and tried to apologize. I had enough and told him he could not train here. "But there is a tournament coming up and I need you to get me ready for it." "I'm sorry. You can't train here anymore."

About a month down the road, someone that was running a judo tourney calls me up. THE SAME SHIT WENT DOWN. The same outfit, the same drama, the same end. He went to this tournament and put me and our club down as his instructors, even though we didn't go to this one. After me explaining the history of the situation, he is now blacklisted by this organization, and has since moved away to creep out other people.

--Oh wait... I HAVE TO tell you about the Japanese Exchange Student...

A couple years back we had a Japanese exchange student come train. He was an exchange student at a local Junior College. In Japan, I understand such students often commit ritual suicide before succumbing to such a fate, but this guy must have slipped through somehow.

He didn't speak a single WORD of English. Nothing. But despite the language barrier, I could tell one thing about him quite clearly: He was crazy.

The "Mom" from his host family called nervously a couple times just to make sure "everything was OK". Physically he was as bad as I have seen in terms of learning techniques. Add the language barrier, plus the craziness and while the class was doing one thing, he could be doing literally anything else. He was like a toddler in that way. Once in the middle of drilling armbars I recall he disappeared to retrieve an orange from his backpack which he then started peeling as he sat cross-legged on the mat staring into sapce.

He never had a gi, but after a week he bought one. He ran in late with a big bag from JJProGear and went down the stairs to change. As we were warming up, I hear my teacher say to someone: "Are you a black belt...?" I didn't know he was talking to. There was silence. Then again "ARE you a black belt...???" Silence again --I thought, who's he talking to?

I lift my head up to see a very confused looking Japanese exchange student in a new Gi wearing a brand new Koral Black Belt! It was tied about as wrong as you could tie a belt. My teacher had him take off the black belt. The guy looked absolutely baffled as my teacher tied a white belt around his waist.

*Rachid worked as a garbage-collector and would go to training straight from work. No shower. One day he got a crazy rash on his arms and hands from some chemical shit. No one wanted to roll with him. Aside from his disgusting aura, the guy was also utter shit, technique wise. We recently found out he teaches his own style of martial arts: Rachid Krav Muay Boran or something ludicrous.

*Sergei is not quite bat-shit crazy, just delusional. Has probably been training since UFC1, but is still a blue belt. Talks EPIC amounts of self-inflating shit. "My style is not pure bjj, is luta livre mixed with vale tudo". Tells the world that he has coached and trained all the top mma fighters from Holland, but is a total spazz goon.

*Mushvic was the scariest guy I have ever met. SUPER nice, enthousiastic and funny. Awesome wrestler from Azerbaizjan. Hung out with REAL jihadi's and was a member of the Grey Wolves. We suspect he was probably a hitman and neck deep in organized crime. Had that demeanor that he could kill someone without batting an eye. He said things like: "My friend, if you ever have problem. You call me and I'll be there with bomb."

Daniel/CGJJ - *Rachid worked as a garbage-collector and would go to training straight from work. No shower. One day he got a crazy rash on his arms and hands from some chemical shit. No one wanted to roll with him. Aside from his disgusting aura, the guy was also utter shit, technique wise. We recently found out he teaches his own style of martial arts: Rachid Krav Muay Boran or something ludicrous.

*Sergei is not quite bat-shit crazy, just delusional. Has probably been training since UFC1, but is still a blue belt. Talks EPIC amounts of self-inflating shit. "My style is not pure bjj, is luta livre mixed with vale tudo". Tells the world that he has coached and trained all the top mma fighters from Holland, but is a total spazz goon.

*Mushvic was the scariest guy I have ever met. SUPER nice, enthousiastic and funny. Awesome wrestler from Azerbaizjan. Hung out with REAL jihadi's and was a member of the Grey Wolves. We suspect he was probably a hitman and neck deep in organized crime. Had that demeanor that he could kill someone without batting an eye. He said things like: "My friend, if you ever have problem. You call me and I'll be there with bomb."

There was an Indian guy (dot, and from India, I think he was in IT) that trained with us a while. Was actually really nice, well mannered, a good guy... but nobody wanted to roll with him because he absolutely stunk. Unfortunately, nobody wanted to discuss this issue with him either because it might have come off as being racist. (For the record, I have Indian friends and they do not stink nor do I buy into the stereotype)

After rolling with him, your gi would immediately smell funky and the next guy you rolled with would usually make an issue out of it.

After a month or so, I got the idea that the best way to break it to him would be to start by asking how he washed his gi, to lead on to the topic of personal hygiene. He earnestly replied, "Oh! I NEVER wash the gi, I squeeze out the sweat like this... and then fold it like this... then bring home and hang. It dries really quickly! No need to wash. I show you how I do it?"

We put up a notice the very next day that all gis are to be washed and clean before every class.

There was an Indian guy (dot, and from India, I think he was in IT) that trained with us a while. Was actually really nice, well mannered, a good guy... but nobody wanted to roll with him because he absolutely stunk. Unfortunately, nobody wanted to discuss this issue with him either because it might have come off as being racist. (For the record, I have Indian friends and they do not stink nor do I buy into the stereotype)

After rolling with him, your gi would immediately smell funky and the next guy you rolled with would usually make an issue out of it.

After a month or so, I got the idea that the best way to break it to him would be to start by asking how he washed his gi, to lead on to the topic of personal hygiene. He earnestly replied, "Oh! I NEVER wash the gi, I squeeze out the sweat like this... and then fold it like this... then bring home and hang. It dries really quickly! No need to wash. I show you how I do it?"

We put up a notice the very next day that all gis are to be washed and clean before every class.

hahaha, every gym has to have had at least a couple stinky gi guys. Our would tell us he never washed it but hung it to dry in the sun cause the UV rays killed the bacteria. it was like rolling around with a guy who had bathed in horse shit

1. Adam Mau-Goffredo, currently serving time for a triple homicide. He came to Relson's and was so weird that Relson asked him to just sit on the side and watch for a while. He would sit there for HOURS taking notes for several days, then finally just disappeared. Three days later, he was making headlines for opening fire on a taxi driver and two poor tourists who happened to witness it, then taking a whole family hostage.

2. Marcelo Tigre; also crazy bordering on psychotic. When I trained with him he was getting ready for a superbrawl even against Egan Inoue in which he got himself DQ'd for stomping on Egan's head. I was just a dumb blue belt at the time (am still dumb), but I am a big guy so Relson would throw me in the rotation. He was utterly nuts. If he was winning, he would hold me down and slap my face or saw his forearm on my ears to make them cauliflower up. If I, or anyone, would start to get a good position he would get nuts and throw up kicks and other stuff...all when we were just grappling. He was like a pit bull, getting more and more crazed as the practice would go on.

3. "Master" Brian...crazy hillbilly who would never wash his gi. There are too many stories about this guy to go on, but the final one was we are all warming up and stretching out and Relson is getting ready to start class. Master Brian is a blue belt, but he decides today is his day, and he asks Relson: "If I can beat you right now, will you give me my black belt?" Relson says, "yes". Class is cancelled, doors are closed, lights are dimmed (not really) and Relson beat him crosseyed. I can't even remember the way he got finished, but he was a mess by the end.

The best part about the hillbilly story is Relson's response to being challenged, simply "yes."

I cant top any of these but i'll contribute. I was once choked unconscious while drilling rnc's. I tapped many times by he way. Kid was asked to leave and never came back.

Another guy trained only occasionally after getting his blue belt, one night came in on meth or coke or something that makes you act crazy and have terrible breath. I was rolling with him, caught a whiff of his breath and wanted to end the roll so I armbarred him. I don't hurt people so I sat there with a fully extended armbar for more than two minutes while he wriggled around trying to escape. I finally extend his arm past what looks dangerous to me, and he taps gets pissed and leaves. We had some teammates from another state visiting. they all stopped and watched the absurd flailing. After he left they asked me what the hell was going on. I shrugged and said drugs I think.

Craziest guy I ever had in actually suspect was mentally handicapped in some way. Superior quiet kid.. Seemed nice but when it came time to roll, he came at you bro with the fury of a thousand Jupiters imploding at once. I passed to side mount and tapped him with pressure hoping he'd slow down. No chance. Told him the needs to slow down or he'd hurt himself. He said "okay" .. Did not slow down. Caught him in a Russian armbar and he was flailing around so I didn't use my hips because he would get hurt.. Well he decided to try to yank his arm straight out and back and before I could ease up on it I hear a loud pop. He just sits there nursing his arm in obvious pain. I tell him I'll grab some ice, he looks up at me and says "no I'm good let's keep going" I just look at him, tell hominick what happened and he says yeah.. This isn't the first time. No idea why they let him free roll.

My old coach decided to move into a bigger building and have the facility half bjj half a gym.

There was this crazy bald guy who would always be in the weight room. Whenever I would wave at my friends who were working out he would move into my view and start waving at me. My friends had a lot of weird stories about him always wanting to spot them on really low weights then trying out whatever they were doing to try to one up them.

Then one Saturday I go into the bathroom in the middle of class and I hear an electric razor going crazy in a locked bathroom stall. I think "nobody shaves their face without a mirror..."

I go back in after 20 minutes, look in the empty stall and there was probably a shopping bag of body hair all over the toilet and floor.

We were all intimidated by my instructor and figured he would snap on him, so a higher belt told him AFTER the guy already left.

I had a friend who had a gym...told me about a guy who signed up but never joined class. Instead he would come in late with a bag, a dvd player and a fan, march across the room to the corner, plug in his dvd player, set up his fan and play bjj dvds while he sparred with himself.

Another weirdo showed up to another friends gym and when it came time to roll went to his bag and took out a pair of SKI goggles. When questioned he said he couldn't see very well and needed them. He proceeded to put them on upsidedown and rolled like that. The same guy recently entered a tournament and put my friends gym down as his team even though he had not been seen for a year. He got the close to the fastest submission...a girl guillitined him in like 15 seconds.

Last week had a guy come in who was obviously off. I thought he was on meth, maybe. He was going a million miles an hour. My instructor was super excited to see him -- an old blue belt who hadn't trained in a long while -- and paired me up with him for technique. He had no mental focus, couldn't stop talking or fidgeting. Not one second went by where words weren't coming out of his mouth. Finally, I told him in a stern voice, "calm down." He thanked me and told me he needed someone to tell him what to do and he would do it.

Kept talking. Told him to "stop talking," like he was six years old. He didn't.

Kept on and on. I must have told him to calm down and stop talking like five times. When it came time to roll, I passed him off to someone else, worried that in my aggravation I'd make him suffer.

He rolled a round or two and left.

After class, people were talking and worried about him. Said he seemed totally different than he used to be and that he was really good.

My instructor thought he had a Terere airplane episode.

And I guess he did. Found out two days later that he arrested and sent to psych hospital after his wife called someone because he was scaring her. They'd recently had a baby. The day after training he quit his job and flipped out, started talking about suicide and was in the midst of a manic episode when he came to the gym. Sad.

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Craziest guy I met on the mats was one of my former instructors. Not sure what was wrong with him but he had little regard for other people. He slept with students' girlfriends and wives. Slept with his favorite student's girlfriend and after it blew up, threatened them and made them so fearful that they moved across the country.

Decided he wanted to be a musician, so he stopped teaching half the classes at the academy. No change in fees. I had to take over day classes and still paid full dues.

He'd stop by at times and set up his music equipment and play acoustic covers of Staind, Alice in Chains and Tool while I'd run class and we'd roll. This went on for about a year.

It was obvious he was doing a lot of drugs, mostly opiates I think.

He took the slow train to hell. Really sad to watch, in a way.

Stopped paying rent, lost his gym, then opened a smaller gym based on some 24 hr fitness concept where people would come in and train whenever they wanted but he wouldn't be responsible for teaching. Sort of like unlimited open mat.

From what I heard, he hung himself with his black belt, dressed in his gi, at the gym. He left two children behind.

Mine wasn't a jiujitsu guy. Back when I used to play rugby, I'd meet all kinds of crazies.

I could go on and on and on, but I'll just tell you about my favourite.

Purple Pete! We called him that cause one of his first games ever, he dyed himself purple with bingo dabbers. His WHOLE body (confirmed in the showers after the game)!

Some guys used to tape their ears back, especially second row guys, to percent cauliflower or even ears getting ripped off a little bit. Well good old Purple Pete used to tape his whole head with duct tape! Just his eyes and nose exposed. He would poke a hole for his mouth. Some guys from other teams wouldn't even take the field when he was out there. You gotta be weird for other rugby players to say "I'm not playing that guy."

He drove a cab and he had some of the narliest toenails ever. Talking about elephant tusks crossed with talons. We called him scoops because of the tostito's tortilla scoop chips. When you rolled with him, you often times got melonballed by his nails. He also walked from the parking into the gym barefoot regardless of weather. After training he put his gi in a plastic shopping bag and threw it in the trunk of his cab. His no gi attire consisted of cut off jean shorts and a sweat stained wife beater. He never emptied his pockets and as a result there would be change all over the mat. Ol' scoops will be missed...

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