Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

Roosevelt Allen Douglas II, of Hawthorne, Fla., is accused of masturbating in front of a 12-year-old girl, but police say he told them he was just trying to fix a hole in his pants, according to an arrest report obtained by the Gainesville Sun.

Douglas, 32, was at the home of the girl on Wednesday, when he allegedly started masturbating in front of her, then showed her some inappropriate text messages.

The girl told police that when she left the room, he followed her outside, and later called her and asked her to not tell anyone about what happened.

Douglas' version of he story, according to the report, is that he had accidentally flashed the girl due to a hole in his pants, and he was only touching himself to try and fix the situation. He also allegedly stated that he had shown the girl a text message he had sent to someone else.

He was arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition.

This isn't the first time someone accused of masturbating in the wrong place has blamed a clothing malfunction.

In January, police say a Pennsylvania man caught masturbating next to a convenience store told them that his penis was only out because his pants had shrunk.

It's worth noting, though, that sometimes crazy-sounding excuses are true. Last October, a Florida man was accused of masturbating while sitting in his car in a parking lot. He told police he was really just scratching at a rash on his testicles, and went so far as to offer to show them proof. An officer agreed, and verified that the suspect did indeed have a rash.

Some people will do anything to save a buck -- even wave a gun at a Walmart employee.

Officials in Crawfordville, Fla., say when Mary Frances Alday, 61, was told she couldn't use an Internet coupon at Walmart, she got angry. Real angry.

She allegedly called the manager who denied the dollar-off coupon “a bitch," and then intentionally stuck her with a shopping cart, according to The Smoking Gun.

Alday was escorted out of Walmart, but she went to her car, grabbed a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Special and came back in the store and threatened employees with it, WTXL-TV reported.

She left the scene, but was later arrested during a traffic stop, and reportedly had to be tased to get her out of her 2011 Ford Escape. She also hit the investigating officer several times, according to the arrest report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

Alday faces four counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, one count of battery, one count of battery on a law enforcement officer, and resisting arrest with violence.

Alday's incident wasn't the only bit of alleged gun violence that took place at a Florida Walmart this past week.

Police in Orange City arrested Jose Martinez, 35, for allegedly shooting at least five bullets at a car driven by Eddie McKee, an alleged shoplifter trying to escape from Walmart parking lot.

He said McKee, 42, tried to run him over, according to ClickOrlando.com.

A Florida woman is facing child neglect charges after deputies say she left her two children in the car while she got drunk at a bar.

Cheryn Scaggs, 30, is accused of drinking heavily at Shotz sports bar between the hours of midnight and 2 a.m. Monday, with her children sleeping in her car in the parking lot, MyFoxOrlando.com reported.

She reportedly asked for help getting home, which is when patrons noticed the two children, ages 1 and 4, asleep in the car and called police.

Patrons say the temperatures dropped into the low 30s, and the heat in the car was not turned on.

"We feel fortunate that this situation was discovered before this woman was able to leave, which led to her subsequent arrest," Shotz bar owners told MyFoxOrlando.com.

"We pray that these children will be placed in safe care."

Scaggs is currently jailed on $10,000 bond.

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__________________"The only difference between sex for free and sex for money is that sex for free costs you a WHOLE LOT more!"~Redd Foxx~

Marc Smith allegedly struck a boy who refused to partake in a bowl full of squirrel soup mixed with vomit.

A Florida man who allegedly beat a child for not eating vomit-filled squirrel soup was arrested Saturday.

Marc Scott Smith, of Jupiter, made a breakfast of freshly-hunted squirrel soup for a young boy in December according to an affidavit obtained by WPBF. Smith's relationship to the boy, whose name has not been released, is unclear.

According to the affidavit, the boy began coughing so hard that he threw up into the soup bowl, but Smith, 50, demanded that he keep eating it.

When the child would not eat the mixture of barf and squirrel, Smith allegedly hit him with a belt. The boy then ran to the home of neighbors, who contacted law enforcement.

Deputies who spoke with the boy shortly after the incident noted that he had abrasions on his arm and wrist and a bump on his head, according to the Palm Beach Post.

Smith has been charged with child abuse and is being held on $3,000 bond, according to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office.

A Port Charlotte, Fla. man was arrested after allegedly slicing his little brother's hand open with a sword on Sunday, according to a Charlotte County Sheriff's Office release. The pair had reportedly been arguing over synthetic marijuana when the older brother, 23-year-old William Russell Voswinkel Jr., went berserk.

At 3:20 p.m., police arrived at the Voswinkel home to find blood all over the house, the release states. Initially, other people in the home were uncooperative and the story of the sword fight changed several times.

After a while, deputies learned that Voswinkel got angry during the argument and went into a room that housed a collection of knives and swords. He picked up a blade and "began swinging it in a circular motion," according to the release. His 21-year-old brother entered the room and, in an apparent attempt to defend himself, held his hand out and blocked the swinging blade with his hand. The victim told police he was scared and knew that Voswinkel had a violent criminal past.

Voswinkel told police he got so emotional during the eruption that he went into the living room and punched a glass fishbowl, lacerating his own hand. Both brothers bled throughout the house until cops showed up.

The brothers' statements changed repeatedly, and the two allegedly got more hostile with deputies when they realized that an arrest was coming, according to the Sun Sentinel. But questioning led police to believe that to Voswinkel -- a convicted felon -- was the primary aggressor. He was charged with aggravated battery.

Porcha Gross, 21, was arrested because she allegedly had a crack "cookie" in her vagina, the Northwest Florida Daily News reported.

A sheriff's deputy in Okaloosa County, Fla. pulled over the Evergreen, Ala. resident for allegedly faulty tag lights on March 9. The deputy says he spotted a marijuana blunt on the floor and took Gross into custody.

A "cookie" is crack cocaine that has been formed into a round disc, typically around 3 inches across, according to the National Drug Intelligence Center. A "cookie" can usually sell for between $900 and $1,000.

Gross is facing multiple drug charges and her court date is April 9.

She isn't the first lady to allegedly use her body's nooks and crannies for illicit purposes.

Earlier this month, police say Florida resident Alexis Clancy was caught with a needle in her anus. Additionally, one of her companions at the time was allegedly hiding cocaine in his prosthetic leg, while another person with him allegedly had morphine and hydromorphone pill stuffed in her bra.

In January, Kentucky woman Jessica Webster was arrested for allegedly burglarizing a home, and when she got to jail, guards asked if she had any contraband. She said no, they claimed to find hypodermic needles in her vagina. They say the woman then stated she needed them because she was a heroin addict.

Porcha Gross, 21, was arrested because she allegedly had a crack "cookie" in her vagina, the Northwest Florida Daily News reported.

A sheriff's deputy in Okaloosa County, Fla. pulled over the Evergreen, Ala. resident for allegedly faulty tag lights on March 9. The deputy says he spotted a marijuana blunt on the floor and took Gross into custody.

A "cookie" is crack cocaine that has been formed into a round disc, typically around 3 inches across, according to the National Drug Intelligence Center. A "cookie" can usually sell for between $900 and $1,000.

Gross is facing multiple drug charges and her court date is April 9.

She isn't the first lady to allegedly use her body's nooks and crannies for illicit purposes.

Earlier this month, police say Florida resident Alexis Clancy was caught with a needle in her anus. Additionally, one of her companions at the time was allegedly hiding cocaine in his prosthetic leg, while another person with him allegedly had morphine and hydromorphone pill stuffed in her bra.

In January, Kentucky woman Jessica Webster was arrested for allegedly burglarizing a home, and when she got to jail, guards asked if she had any contraband. She said no, they claimed to find hypodermic needles in her vagina. They say the woman then stated she needed them because she was a heroin addict.

Sun Sentinel Boynton Beach police say a Lantana woman tried to pawn off jewelry from where she worked to help her regain her repossessed car. J.C. Penney jewelry section manager, Chelsey Adele Edwards, 25, was arrested Friday and faces charges of stolen property, larceny and fraud.

It began when a loss prevention officer at J.C. Penney in the Boynton Beach Mall told police Edwards came to him with a men’s necklace, ring, and bracelet in a jewelry bag that Edwards said she found in the store safe, according to an arrest report. After the loss prevention officer told Edwards to put the items back in the safe so he could investigate it later, police say he received a tip that she had pawned off the jewelry instead of putting the jewelry back. When the officer checked the safe, only the necklace was inside.

A search by police found Edwards had pawned the other items, valued at about $1,034, at a West Palm Beach business for $500, according to the report.

When I first saw Chelsey Adele Edwards’ mugshot, I thought she was going to be the leader in the clubhouse as world’s most infamous female serial killer, and assumed that they had found 1,000 bodies buried on her property. Look at those crazy eyes! I know her crime wasn’t that bad, but look at her face, somebody needs to check her crawl space for bodies.

Nope. Just stole a little jewelry from the J.C. Penney that she works at and tried to pawn it to get her repossessed car out of impound.

Chelsey Adele Edwards will be fired from her job, but probably will not serve too much hard time for this crime, however she will live forever in infamy in the Mugshot Hall Of Fame.

Sun Sentinel Boynton Beach police say a Lantana woman tried to pawn off jewelry from where she worked to help her regain her repossessed car.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gblowfish

When I first saw Chelsey Adele Edwards’ mugshot, I thought she was going to be the leader in the clubhouse as world’s most infamous female serial killer, and assumed that they had found 1,000 bodies buried on her property.

I assumed she'd be latino...

__________________

Quote:

"He had no teeth, and he was slobbering all over himself. I'm thinking, 'You can have your money back, just get me out of here. Let me go be an accountant." I can't tell you how badly I wanted out of there."Denver rookie QB John Elway, on Jack Lambert, after Lambert and the Steelers knocked Elway out of his first game as a pro (1983).