Wednesday

I recently came across a list of 50 questions that inspire deep thinking. I took time in answering all the questions and came to realize, I am an odd person. I believe that astrology is guidelines of your life that God gives you. I am a Gemini, and as such my charts describe me to a T. It can be bad when trying to conform to societal norms, but it makes me Me. Answering these questions also helped me realize how much I love Amore Mio, and how much I have changed to be with him.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?I’d be forever young. I have always had a need for adventure, an insatiable wanderlust and it’s led to some good times in my past, some scary times, but they always ended up nicely. I know that can’t last forever though.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?I believe never trying is the worse. From failure you learn, success, not so much. But if you never try than you stagnate and that’s toxic to everyone’s way of life.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?I don’t know, I’ve never been in that situation really. I didn’t like going to school, but I loved learning, so I would ditch school and spend my days at the park reading. I didn’t like how life was boring with my parents and so I left to lean about the world. However, in doing the things that I love I have often come into risky situations that I am very happy I got out of, but the questions always lingers: “what-if you weren’t so lucky?”

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

Yes, I know I will. I am the sort of person who sparks great ideas and will get behind something passionately and with everything I possess, but I also lose interest very quickly. And often wander away from things unfinished.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?As bad as it may seem, I wouldn’t want to really change anything about the world. There are tons of bad things, yes, and that is all very sad. But I figure, if life was perfect, if life was great, then there wouldn’t be anything in which to compare your circumstances against. There would be no motivation to do better and achieve more. Life, no matter where you are standing on the great spectrum of it, can always change, it can always get better and it can ALWAYS get worse. And you will ALWAYS have the ability to change it.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?Counseling, making sure that people stayed happy by providing a shoulder to lean on, and ear to listen, and motivation to change circumstances.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?I always do what I believe in, rarely am I doing anything else. I have the bad habit of always questioning motives and so I try to always stick with what is most moral for me. It may not always be the best situation, but I always feel it can change, and if it doesn’t, live and learn.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

I’d work harder on communication with the people that I love.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?None. I always work with what happens and pray for the best but prepare for the worse. So far it has worked out really well, I hold no regrets in my life. Every experience, good and bad, have all brought me to this point in life, and I wouldn’t give that up for the world.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?I don’t know. It depends on the situation. Mostly I worry about doing the right things, but since I jump in head first and ask questions later, I suppose it doesn't really matter.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?Tell them that their criticism is distasteful, unjustified and that I expect more from them. Then tell them about her, then get up and leave.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

You’re first mission in life is to Survive. You’re second mission is to Thrive. After that, figure it out.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?If it was the last resort, then yes, with hesitation.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?No, but I keep an eye out for it.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?I hold no regrets with any aspect of my life.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?Because everyone is different, if we were all the same then life would get boring rather quickly.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?I haven’t gone to Europe and wandered around. What was holding me back before was I wanted to finished my bachelor’s degree, then I met the man that I love and now I don’t want a life that he’s not completely apart of.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?Surviving. It’s all my life was, just survive. But I was on my own, now that I have Amore Mio, I need to stop “surviving” and now work on Thriving.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?State: Missouri, because the job market is better out there and the housing market is better. And because I’m just not cut out for this desert dwelling, my skin is always dry. Country: Ireland, because they are a hot spot for IT jobs.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?I don’t like elevators, I try to avoid them if possible.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

Can’t I be both? I suppose I’d rather be a worried genius, because then I’d have a better idea of what is to come, and I do just hate surprises.

22. Why are you, you?Because God had me born under the Gemini stars and I embrace that life and work with what He gave me.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?I do try my hardest to be.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

I honestly don’t know, I had a good friend move away and we didn’t talk for almost 8 years, but when she came back we picked up right where we left off. Ad for losing touch with a friend who lives near me, that happens often because I just lose track of time and just forget to contact people.

25. What are you most grateful for?

The people who know how I operate and accept me fully and completely this way.

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

I’d rather lose all my old memories since now I have Amore Mio and only want him for the rest of my life.

27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

Personally, no. I will always challenge it, it’s just how I am.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

Yes and no- old “greatest fears” have come true and once I realize they don’t kill me, they become inconsequential and new ones arise. The most current one has not come true, nor do I ever wish it will. Like all fears, I don’t know how I will be able to handle, but that is by no means a challenge to the Universe.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

Yes I do remember that. And yes it does matter now, it made me realize things and helped me achieve goals and helped me become who I am now.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

Playing Singing Ninja’s with my best friend Katie Reid. It made me believe that life would be simple and stay that way forever. Safe, secure, stable… everything changed a few months later, but it was good at the time.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

When I was hiking in the Sandia’s with my dog Artemis, I was on a rock, stuck, I couldn’t keep going up because Artie kept running under me and making the rock wet and I couldn’t jump back down since I was 20 feet up. On that rock, alone, stuck and feeling so alive.

32. If not now, then when?

Perhaps never. It’s no longer about my anymore, I finally found someone that I am willing to following completely and now I look to him for guidance. So whenever he wants to, I’ll probably agree.

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

Nothing. But first I have to figure out what it is I need to achieve.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

Often times yes, it happens mostly with my Little Bit.

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

Because they all seem to believe that their ‘Love’ is the one true love and everyone must be aware of this and must follow it.

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

No, I don’t believe so, everything I have experienced in life has never been Black and White. It’s all just shades of gray.

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

No, I’d keep working until the task was done, then I’d move onto a new job. If I don’t have a job I get bored, if I get bored I get devious.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

More work that I actually enjoy doing, because if I enjoy my work, I’ll work harder to make it better.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

No. And I love it.

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

Often, that always seems to be the way my life is.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

My parents and Amore Mio.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

Nope.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

I think that when you are truly living you are happy with where you are, how you got there and where you are going.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

I don’t know, I have always been the kind of person to jump headlong into situations and deal with the consequences later.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

For me, it’s because I remember how disappointed I made people, how they reacted and how that made me feel. It’s not a feeling I ever want to feel again and so am afraid of it.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

I’d make more mistakes. But mostly I would just keep doing what I do.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

Every day, because every day I have to focus on my breathing to keep my mind from straying too far.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

I love a lot of things, and I try to express it every day. I don’t always succeed, but I always try.

49. In 5 years from now,will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

Maybe, maybe not, only time will tell. The things that matter I will remember, like finally giving in to Amore Mio. Finally deciding to stop doing it alone and letting someone have total possession of my heart and affection again.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

I always try to make them for myself, I never do well when forced to conform. ‘Square Peg-Round Hole’ sort of thing.