Shooting Yourself in the Foot for Fun and Profit

I think I should begin by apologising for my last Warstory. Not that I believe that it was a bad piece of writing but because, quality notwithstanding, within that Warstory I insulted a considerable portion of the community by failing to take the game "seriously". I adopted a tone of disinterested amusement, writing off my bad plays as natural mistakes which could only have been avoided by spending much too much time hunched over a keyboard going over damage calcs instead of having a life. In rereading the post I can see what some of you may have seen: I was a slightly more subtle, slightly more eloquent version of the kid who calls anyone who has the audacity to beat them a virgin. This was not my intention and the simple truth is, I'm not very good at Pokémon and my misplays are due to day dreaming and genuinely shoddy judgement. I will endeavour to take this game much more seriously. Totally.

In terms of quality? Yes, the last Warstory kind of sucked. I skated through the whole process on my wit and charisma without such having anything so mundane as a format or a log to fall back on when stuff got complicated. I'm actually a bit shocked the other one avoided getting locked. On the front page today there are several locked Warstories much work was put into, and as such I've upped my game somewhat. This will be the sort of low-key, fun Warstory that I remember from the "old days", but I've made some concessions to those who prefer the turn by turn style. Not many but, hopefully, enough. If at any point you find yourself confused by my phrasing, I direct you to the complete battle log to be found at the bottom of the post. Enjoy.

Opening (turns 1-5):
A beige fox with a bad haircut stares down the ghost of a washing machine and I feel a sudden rush of admiration for whatever mad genius dreamed this mess up. Gripped with the sudden fear that Rotom is about to slam me with a Hydro Pump, I send out Snorlax to take the hit. Rotom elected not to Will-O-Wisp, thankfully, but used Volt Switch. Out comes Scizor, to whom the most venerable Snorlax can do jackshit. Expecting a Brick Break or Superpower, I send out Gliscor but, no, Scizor uses U-Turn and I am faced with a washing machine and the threat of Hydro Pump. Seeing as I have done nothing but switch for this entire goshdarn match, I elect to take a much more proactive option: I use Protect. As expected, Rotom uses Hydro Pump. Success! I switch to Sawsbuck and he switches to Scizor. Not a particuarly good outcome, but at least he didn't Volt Switch. I send out Magnezone and, heaven be praised, he Bullet Punches. This Scizor's choiced.

A lucky break (turns 6-9):
Scizor is trapped twofold: Magnet Pull prevents escape and Choice Band ensures he can do nothing Leftovers recovery can't shrug off. So, predictably, he uses Bullet Punch and I use Substitute. His next punch barely grazes the sub and I fire back a Charge Beam, raising SpAtk one stage. This is a vicious strategy, and I almost deserve what comes next.
His Bullet Punch crits, smashing my sub, and then, worse, Magnezone crits, killing Scizor. This is just about the worst thing that could happen. The cripplingly slow Magnezone is exposed, subless. Out comes Reuniclus and, unfortunately, +2 SpAtk is just shy of what is required to kill this build of Reuniclus. So, my Thunderbolt just fails to eviscerate the adorable little blob, who sets up Trick Room. Godammit.

Kryptonite comes in many flavours (turns 10-14):
Perhaps the biggest flaw in this team is a lack of priority. Not one of my six, smiling monsters had the forethought to learn so much as a Quick Attack. Trick Room folks walk all over me.
What I should have done here is save 'zone for later and send out, say, Gliscor, to get mauled. I don't really regret doing this, however, as it would have made the end of this battle considerably less interesting. What I did was let 'zone get reduced to scrap by Focus Blast. Perhaps I was praying for a Focus Miss.
Out goes Gliscor, who stalls TR for another turn with Protect. I switch to Snorlax who takes one for the team in a neat two-hit suicide. (Side-note: Could I have sent Snorlax out earlier? Not really, no. Focus Blast would have shredded it, soaking up a Psychic was a lucky break.) Here, mercifully, Trick Room ends. I send out Lilligant who, speedy as you like, smashes Reuniclus with a Hidden Power of thusfar undisclosed typing (suspense builds).

It was HP Rock (turns 15-19):
He sends out Gyarados. Lilligant repeats the Hidden Power trick, knocking Gyarados down well past half-health. 'rados Dragon Dances, a little meekly. Perhaps believing +1 Spd would be enough to get the edge, he sticks around to get hit with another shot and, without much fuss, dies. I think this is why I can get away without priority: I've got two ridiculously fast Chlorophyll users so that when the sky's blue, life's a breeze.
He sends out Rotom. I am not quite sure what my opponent was thinking here, but this sort of thing happens surprisingly often. Lilligant clearly wasn't holding Specs or a Scarf because it had been taking damage from the Life Orb. Perhaps he just forgot Lilligant was a Grass-type. Lilligant uses Leaf Storm, killing Rotom instantly. He sends out Skarmory. I can't touch this thing, so I use Sleep Powder. It misses, and Lilligant dies to Brave Bird. Oh, well.

Respect for the classics (turns 20-30):
I send in Ninetails. He switches out to Blissey and my scouting Will-O-Wisp misses (I had scouted with it because I wasn't actually sure what he had left, surely nobody really pays attention to Team Preview).
For those of you who came in late, it might be nice to review what's happened so far. Four of his guys had died (in reverse alphabetical order: Scizor, Rotom-W, Reuniclus, Gyarados) and he had two left (Skarmory and Blissey, my esteemed opponent is obviously a classicist). Three of my guys had died (in no particular order whatsoever: Snorlax, Lilligant, Magnezone) and I had three left (Ninetails, Sawsbuck, Gliscor). Basically everyone had full or near-full health, there were no entry hazards and the sun was up. I was feeling pretty good about myself at this point.
Just because I love this trick, I have Ninetails use Safeguard. Blissey uses Toxic, which achieves nothing. My lack of decisive action should hint at my growing realisation that there isn't much I can do to bust through this core. Remember when I killed Magnezone? Wish I hadn't done that. I switch to Sawsbuck. Sawsbuck can't touch Skarmory but, if I was lucky, a Grass-type with the general appearance of a big, overgrown Bambi wouldn't register as a threat in my opponent's eyes. It does, and my Horn Leech barely grazes Skarmory.
I switch to Gliscor (whose sole contribution to the battle so far has been to use "Protect" in a very dynamic kind of way) and Skarmory's Brave Bird deals around 20% damage, the sort that can easily be shrugged off by Poison Heal. It is here that I get the first inklings of a plan. It's an unfamiliar feeling, and at first I dismiss it as indigestion. I set up a Swords Dance and try, in vain, to bite his head off with Ice Fang while he sets up Spikes. After he has all three layers set up he Roosts, and sends me on my way with a Whirlwind.

Last man standing (turns 31-55):
I get it now.
The time I was the biggest position of power was when I restricted my opponents options. Remember the bit before I killed Magnezone? When Scizor was battering him harmlessly while he statted up? That was great. Right now, I got nothing. With three layers of spikes, alternately switching and attacking randomly isn't likely to strike gold before I die to residual damage. My best choice is to restrict my opponents options, if only a little bit. And so, I proceed to metaphorically shoot myself in the foot (a surprisingly profitable decision).
The Whirlwind pulls out Sawsbuck. Aiming for a quick and dignified death, I use Double Edge. A Brave Bird finishes off Sawsbuck. I send out Ninetails.
He switches and, after a fashion, finishes me off with Seismic Toss. Lovely.
Now the fun can start. I send out Gliscor and begin to set up Sword Dance while my opponent begins to quaver in his or her boots, metaphorically speaking. At +6 Attack, Ice Fang deals damage equal to a third of Sharmory's health. Plus it flinches. Plus it freezes. Plus Skarm's Brave Bird deals recoil.
The game's conclusion probably won't be fun to read about, but it was a time in which it sure was fun to be me. After a fashion, Gliscor succeeded in biting off Skarmory's head and then proceeded to rock Blissey's world with a +6 Earthquake. Marvellous stuff.

A Final Point(Move your mouse to reveal the content)A Final Point (open)A Final Point (close)

Readers will observe that this game's climax revolves around two major misplays. I lose Magnezone, which would have been crucial to dealing with Skarmory, he loses Rotom-W, which would have made short work of Gliscor. Does this make it a bad game? Maybe. Does it make a bad story? Hell no. The response to the warstory has been interesting. People have been damning and praising it for precisely the same reasons. My motives for writing this style of warstory are expressed in a post halfway down the page, quoted here to save you the need to scroll.

The general opinion of posters 3 through 5 seems to be that I'd doing the wrong thing the right way, and I guess I have to deal with that. To me, the word "warstory" conjures up images of open fires and manly men talking about the manly men things they did the other day--not cool, play-by-play introspection and thoughtful analyses of the state of the metagame. My problem with the current "standard" is not that it is in anyway inferior, but that it is the only thing available. Adhering to a single structure, especially one so rigid and inflexible, only limits the creative output. Especially when replays are on the rise, I'd hate to see the practice of writing warstories stagnate when there's no much varied potential.
In short, I'm writing this style of warstory because it's what I'd want to read--and because nobody else seems to want to.

I had a good laugh with this, and I liked the straight-to-the-juicy-point style, both here and in the former warstory. The fact that you are able to write well-formed sentences helps you a lot, and it's probably the main difference between these stories and those you mention being closed.

Bwahahaha oh I did really enjoy reading this. I admire you for taking a stand against the currently established and strict standards of the day and saying "screw it, I'm going to write an entertaining warstory of a silly battle and no one is going to stop me". This is what warstories should be like in my opinion; a chance to share ones triumphs and failures in an entertaining way. I really don't understand why people hate hax or misplays in their warstories so much when they're both fundamental parts of the game. You learn far more about how Pokemon is played by embracing the full game rather than dismissing the parts you'd rather pretend don't exist.

Despite the lack of pictures, health percentages and minimalist format, I still consider this to be by far one of the most entertaining warstories I've read. Kudos my friend, and keep on writing.

As you said, there are several locked warstories on the front page, for various reasons. (heck, my first attempt at a warstory was locked because my opponent ran energy ball on Jirachi; doesn't make much sense to run it, but one move was all it took to lock my story)

I once again give credit for going against the grain, and I did read and enjoy for the most part. Excellent writing skills being the biggest reason.

But, once again, no pictures and no battle log. The lack of a log (by log I mean integrated with the commentary), more than anything, makes this difficult to follow. So many stories get locked because they "are just telling us what happened" in the commentary.

It's not my place to judge. I am both inexperienced and somewhat out of my element when it comes to rating and writing warstories. I prefer the standard format, to be honest.

That said, I don't want to discourage anyone from posting a warstory unless it's a terrible one. And this, whether it is a warstory or not, is not terrible. It's a little aggravating. We'll have maybe 20 new posts on here a day, yet threads are getting locked for the smallest of reasons, and barely anyone is taking the time and effort to write warstories anymore.

My bottom line, while this isn't my thing, I'd rather read something like this than nothing. And this wasn't bad at all.

Líder máximo

But, once again, no pictures and no battle log. The lack of a log (by log I mean integrated with the commentary), more than anything, makes this difficult to follow. So many stories get locked because they "are just telling us what happened" in the commentary.

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This. While you definitely put effort into writing this thread, the lack of a clear timeline of the battle, and the absence of pictures, make this thread not particualary pleasing to read.

This kind of reminds me of that mono-poison warstory written a little while ago in a similar style. And while your writing is good, the reason that the other way of warstory-ing is standard, is because it (should be) easy to follow, and help us know what's going through your head. I like the other way better, but you did a good job with this.

See, when you got to the endgame I was thinking Ninetales easily roasts Skarmory, Sawsbuck kicks Blissey into oblivion, the only problem is nailing them down to stand and fight. Gliscor can spectate. Instead, you went for the exact opposite - sacrifice Ninetales and Sawsbuck, let Gliscor win on his own. And it paid off!

It generally kind of bugs me that every Blissey you see these days is some kind of Wish/Protect/Seismic Toss only available as a special event in New York years and years ago thing. I mean, that's not something regular people can even possibly get. And it really backfired on him here, not having an Ice Beam to use.

The general opinion of posters 3 through 5 seems to be that I'd doing the wrong thing the right way, and I guess I have to deal with that. To me, the word "warstory" conjures up images of open fires and manly men talking about the manly men things they did the other day--not cool, play-by-play introspection and thoughtful analyses of the state of the metagame. My problem with the current "standard" is not that it is in anyway inferior, but that it is the only thing available. Adhering to a single structure, especially one so rigid and inflexible, only limits the creative output. Especially when replays are on the rise, I'd hate to see the practice of writing warstories stagnate when there's no much varied potential.
In short, I'm writing this style of warstory because it's what I'd want to read--and because nobody else seems to want to.

You know, there are a few things i disliked about this game. The disconnected style of the comments and the log means i have to make a constant effort to even connect the dots, something that warstories are supposed to avoid. It's no fun and i refused to try. Also, revealing your greatest mistakes at the beginning of the warstory... Why? Might as well just tell us who won.

I actually really like this warstory style, because most of the time each turn of pokemon doesn't need full-blown commentary. We like to feel important by explaining our reasoning in full detail, but it's really not necessary and, more often than not, detracts from the story itself.

One thing that I suggest though, which would be especially useful for this kind of story, is that in addition to the log, you should create a PO Replay file on the following site: http://pokemon.aesoft.org/

It just takes the battle log file and converts it into a turn-by-turn visual replay.

You know, there are a few things i disliked about this game. The disconnected style of the comments and the log means i have to make a constant effort to even connect the dots, something that warstories are supposed to avoid. It's no fun and i refused to try. Also, revealing your greatest mistakes at the beginning of the warstory... Why? Might as well just tell us who won.

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I agree, and unfortunately, this doesn't meet the criteria at all that Smogon has set for warstories. I don't mean this to be taken in the wrong way, but I am very surprised that this is so popular.

tehy, the offending quote has been moved to the bottom of the post. Thanks for picking up on that.

Kenshiro, I did make a replay, I just didn't think anyone would be interested. I've put a link to it with the log, now that I know that there's any demand for it.

nld230, I'm awfully sorry that your warstory got locked. I read it before posting mine, and there were some truly clever plays. However, it was not locked because "Jirachi used Energy Ball" but because many of his plays and sets seemed incompetent--battles in which only one side seems to know what they're doing are never much fun to read about, no matter how close they are. A better battle with much the same style of commentary is likely to be much more warmly received. However, the criteria that Smogon sets for warstories has never seemed to require specific formats, merely that the battles be entertaining. I've aimed for a specific type of entertaining, appealing to a specific type of person. It's just my luck that such a high percentage of them logged onto Smogon shortly after I posted.

Well, I don't often comment on war stories, but this time I had to. Because it was fantastic. I know that many people prefer the generic battle log format that is the 'standard' on smogon - but just because it's standard doesn't mean it's the best (recognising, of course, that there is no such thing as 'best' in artwork). I don't know - maybe it's because I'm an English student, and I just really gravitated towards the narrative format of your war story; in any case, I found it really entertaining, and (conversely to what others have said) found it very easy to follow.

Additionally, I found while reading your story that I didn't even care that it wasn't some stunning spectacle of predictions and calculated plays - you made it interesting with your writing, as well as recognising that 'entertainment' can also be found in making misplays, or through some hilarious piece of hax.

Really, all a war story needs to be (in my opinion, anyway) is enjoyable to read. The generic formats give new writers a place to start, but that shouldn't be the limit of what you can do.

I liked this warstory for the fact that it didnt have any battle log, and there is a good reason for it. This piece of writing allowed me to imagine the situation, imagine the battle to be a sort of "real" battle as in that everything was natural and wasnt fixed. Think anime style battling without the stupidness

The thing is, standard warstories are easier to criticize precisely because they follow some guidelines. If you want, you can relate them to a realistic painting (of any period), where technique --in playing and writing, in the warstory's case --is easily observed. This story here would be more like an impressionistic painting, or perhaps something even more radical. It focuses on giving us a good experience through reading, and at the same time, the author makes his point clear: sometimes you have to think outside of the box to win, even if it means shooting yourself in the foot.

I still like "traditional" warstories a lot, but these show a fun and different way of doing things.

Another one of these warstories? Well, not that I have a problem with these, but it is kind of fun to get that "visionary feeling", the feeling I'm spectating the battle myself. This is a huge improvement from the last warstory as well! Anyways, I hope you make more warstories just like this soon or someone else at least. Making warstories is to entertain the audience and to keep them reading to the end. You seem to understand this and thus, good job!

The thing is, standard warstories are easier to criticize precisely because they follow some guidelines. If you want, you can relate them to a realistic painting (of any period), where technique --in playing and writing, in the warstory's case --is easily observed. This story here would be more like an impressionistic painting, or perhaps something even more radical. It focuses on giving us a good experience through reading, and at the same time, the author makes his point clear: sometimes you have to think outside of the box to win, even if it means shooting yourself in the foot.

I still like "traditional" warstories a lot, but these show a fun and different way of doing things.

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Like all great literary criticism, I think your post demonstrates a greater level of artistic fluency than the subject of your attention. I'm particularly flattered by your discovery of the parallel between the content and structure of my piece--and now I just wish I'd done it on purpose. Thanks for your thoughts! =)

After some thinking, I realize this warstory could work as one of those chess exercises, where you have a fixed position, and have to check mate in a certain number of plays.

Think of it as "Given these three pokémon: Sawsbuck, Ninetales and Gliscor, with movesets A, B and C respectively, and seeing that the opponent has Skarmory and Blissey, with movesets E and F, what's the best course of action?"
(I forgot to add several important factors, like spikes. Also, this being Pokémon, there are bound to be several solutions to each problem like this.)

I think there was a thread recently, started by Matthew or some other mod, that wanted to do something similar, by presenting us battles between pros and helping us analize key plays in them.

About the criticism, I have read some great warstories that were somewhat hindered by their length, and the fact that the author felt forced to make even short comments in all but the most trivial plays. This one here it's on the opposite side of the spectrum. You should try to write a "standard" warstory at some point, you obviously have the skills.

That sounds like a really interesting idea. Off the top of my head, I can see two major types of puzzles being given: Battle puzzles, in which you "take control" of a game in progress, with all the stat changes, hazards and Pokémon that come with it, and Team-Building puzzles, in which you are given a list of (2? 3?) Pokémon and tasked with building one set that can beat them all in sequence. I really would like to be on-board if anyone's interested in doing this.

On topic? When it comes to "standard" warstories, what I think I'd like most of all is to be sent an interesting battle and given basic notes from one or both players so I can just ghostwrite it.

Those are pretty nifty ideas. Right now I'm unable to battle at all (my ISP blocked port 5080 and whatnot), so theorymoning and teambuilding, as well as my visits here, are my only incursions in Pokégaming. I hadn't thought of problems like this, that can be solved by myself. Sadly, I don't have nearly enough experience either at teambuilding or at battling to create this kind of puzzles or situations.

A 3-handed warstory? I have seen some with comments by both players, but few, if any, commented by an outsider, or a ghost writer. I believe high-level comments of high-level battles would be extremely helpful to players like me, who lack any real experience.