Pages

Friday, 26 October 2012

Motherhood: A Song for life

This post is written as a part of initiative by Women's web - The ‘Motherhood: A Song For Life’ contest in association with Mom & Me, a one-of-a-kind store for mothers and children.

Six years back when I got married, me & hubby had our
priorities clear in our mind. ‘Kids!!!...Nahh, We are not ready yet’, both of
us were on the same page. Couple of years passed and we still thought the same.
Other factors like home loan, achievements in career track reinforced our
thought. We were happy & comfortable in a childless life. Then gradually
change of mind happened though it took couple of years more.

Like a perfect project flowchart, everything started
happening as per our planning. I conceived, confirmed the news by the
gynecologist, informed family members and started planning for my pregnancy.
But God has some other plans for us. ‘Thud’….. Our dreams crashed with my
sudden miscarriage after a month. Array of mixed feelings flooded my mind in the
following months. Strange void replaced that earlier contentment of childless life.
I started making use of internet to fish out more information about terms like
ovulation & follicular study and took particular interest in TTC forums of
various pregnancy sites. I waited for those twin pink lines to appear every month with bated breath.

Finally it happened. This time we were extra cautious and
rushed to doctor at slightest discomfort. My pregnancy as well as delivery procedure
was smooth as hot knife passes through butter. But the real test commenced after that. Handling that 3 month
old all by ourselves evolved me into a "Real Mom". Initial days were
quite testing and even a continuous sleep of 4 hours was a luxury for me. I am
not embarrassed to confess that many times I just felt like running away from
everything to Himalayas or simply say 'I am not gonna play this game' like we
used to say as kids while playing with friends.

I know it sounds
really horrible feeling for a mom while ideally I should have been mushy and
cuddly with my bundle of joy. But here I am jotting down the facts. After
working for 6 long years I willingly took the decision to be a SAHM. Decision
was tough and the change took its own time to get synced with my system. It was
hard to adjust with so many changes simultaneously: soiled nappies,
breast-feeding, sleepless days & nights, post delivery low phase, the
emptiness which I felt after leaving my job, my health issues....list continued.

But I was able sail
through all those changes & turbulent times.I admit that sometimes I do
miss those Pre-Mishti days but I really cherish my life with Mishti as well. I
may not be an ideal mom but yes, I have my own criterion of being a"Real Mom". I might not fit
into typical stereotyped mother figure and some of my parenting techniques
even raise eyebrows of many people.

My notions are very
peculiar about parenting. I may not be a typical parent but now I realize the
feeling when people say'having a kid is like letting a part
of yourself roam outside your body'. I get scared for
her when I see any so called breaking news crime involving small kids. I feel
superb when I see her imitating us. I feel contented when she rushes to me
leaving everyone else. I love to hear her gibberish talk. I secretly
feel proud whenever she achieves her behavioral & development milestones. I
crib when she keeps me on my toes the whole day but pine more about the silence
when she sleeps off. I freak out when she throws her ‘toddler tantrums’ but somehow
feel fantastic that a new individual brimming with emotions is evolving in
front of my eyes.

Actually, she has
made us complete. Since her birth Mishti has gradually helped a clumsy, gawky, and
klutzy girl transform into a paranoid mom who googles all day about parenting
tips & tits-bits. It is because of her I started my blog (somewhat wanted
to maintain a baby journal) which carted out my veiled love for writing. But altogether,
now I love being a mom….yes, a ‘Real Mom’.

16 comments:

Well said, you become a Real MOM by your daily experience with our child which provides the perfect laboratory for applying and developing the practical approach that helps you nurture your baby and that eventually is your parenting style. Beautiful journey of motherhood, you have shared here!All the best for the contest!Cheers :)