Jesus came to pardon our sins, but He also came to heal the brokenhearted so we can walk in freedom. Freedom from pain, guilt, shame, sin, and condemnation. By His wounds we are healed. May God continue to bless us on the path to complete restoration and healing in Him.

There's something that had been
festering in my soul. A question that I've had about my husband's
past sin that has been tormenting me. We've been redeemed and
restored for several years now but recently I had a thought that
took me hostage. A thought that I wasn't able to shake. As much as
I've tried not to dwell on the past, I wasn't able to get rid of this
doubt that was flooding my soul.

So what did I do with it? Here I was,
this woman who has overcome so much in my marriage and personal
healing. I keep up this blog and write for other sites that offer
help
and healing
for couples who have been hurt by sin. And yet I still have my own
struggles. I still have an occasional doubt. I still occasionally
have a twinge in my heart when I see my husband on his computer or
texting someone.

So really, what did I do with this
haunting question?

Well, after much conflict within
myself, I finally decided that I needed to talk to my husband about
it. As much as I'd like to just let it go and not ever have to think
about it again, I just couldn't. And instead of letting this one
question continue to eat away at my joy, I talked to my husband.

It turns out my doubt about our past
was correct. And though I had always suspected that truth and have
been living in forgiveness, it really hit me hard to hear him say it
was true. Even all these years later, after all the repentance, all
the counseling, all the late night cries, all the restoration, all
the redemption... I still felt betrayed.

I didn't hit rock bottom. I wasn't
taken back to ground zero. But I did experience pain.

But here's the thing, I TALKED to my
husband. This is key. I chose to be vulnerable and allow myself to
feel the pain instead of running. I could have chosen to keep this
thought to myself, but it would have festered. And I would have
become more and more bitter. But because I was able to discuss this
with him, I am now able to deal with it. My husband responded with
humility and remorse about his past and I am trying to offer him
grace and forgiveness. To be honest, I'm still struggling today. I
know that God is faithful and He will continue to heal my heart and
restore our marriage continually.

So here's my encouragement to you...

No matter how far removed you are from
the past, no matter how many years you've been in this recovery
process, don't be afraid to talk to your spouse about your doubts or
fears. When your thoughts take you hostage, you have to be willing to
break the chains and allow yourself to be vulnerable once again.
Communication is key to continued healing on the road to complete
recovery. Here's some tips in how to approach your concerns with your
spouse:

Pray about it and ask God if it's
something that you need to discuss.

Seek out a time when you and your
spouse are alone and have time to speak free of distractions.

Approach your spouse with grace
and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Stay humble and be prepared for
his response.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable
and understand that you may experience pain again.

Ask God to help you purge any
bitterness from your heart and cling to grace.

Forgive.

I am glad that I've been able to talk
to my husband and that we are working through this speed bump on our
road to recovery. I pray that the healing comes quickly.