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Friday, May 7, 2010

(Pictures!! I have pics in this one!!) Finally it is Friday and my Monday update is here! Lol! I know my fellow mommies understand... Pregnant, have 2 toddlers, need I say more? ;) Besides, as I'm sure you've noticed, I had other things on my mind that were demanding to be posted this week which pushed my update back a wee bit.

Monday at 11am I had an appointment at my new birthing center. I'm not sure if I went into it at all before but I was going to a different birthing center before. I went there when pregnant with Chicklet and it was a wonderful experience for pregnancy and birth. It was much much busier and pushier when I was pregnant with my Buggie. Alot of things happened that I did not like at all. Things were so different from when I went there with Chicklet. For one thing, appointments with Chicklet were half an hour long and I could ask questions galore, but with Buggie it was a rushed 10 minute appointment where I was treated like my questions were an annoyance and most of the time it was not even a midwife in training who did my appointments, it was a doula! I have nothing against doulas but when I needed to ask questions of a midwife I couldn't because it was the doula and all the midwives were absent or busy. Not to mention this doula was very rough with me and left bruises when measuring my uterus. Also the head midwife whom I had liked so much during my Chicklet pregnancy, was like a different person when I was pregnant with my son. I had a miscarriage between Chicklet and Bug and when I went in to my first appointment with Bug, she strongly insinuated that my last baby had died because I'm fat. She forbade me to gain a single ounce and praised me for losing weight while pregnant and then insulted me by telling me I need to stop stuffing my face with sweets (I was on a very strict diet when she said this and rarely ate sweets ANYWAY. Why do people so rudely assume that everyone who is overweight is overweight because they sit around all day eating candy?!). I really don't know what I was thinking when I scheduled my first appointment for this pregnancy there. Within minutes of beginning my appointment with them, I was swamped with all the memories of reasons why I should have gone someplace else. I waited, first outside their locked door in the cold with my kids because they lock you out when they're having lunch, and then when they unlocked the door at exactly the time my appointment was supposed to begin, we had to wait in the waiting room for another half hour while others who got there after I had were shown back to their appointments, and then I was finally rushed back to my appointment where the midwife began by trying to force me to have unnecessary tests done. She tried to insist, then to demand, then to emotionally blackmail me into having the tests done like an OB would (Precisely why I chose NOT to go to an OB). Then she brought in the head midwife who told me that I was being unreasonable and needed to have some respect for her, and that I also needed to lose 10 pounds in the next month or "no midwife" would be allowed to take me- I was not "allowed" to have a natural out of hospital birth unless I lose 10 pounds while pregnant and EXTREMELY sick with hyperemisis (on medication for it). I was done. I am stubborn when I need to be and though I'm also very shy and left in tears and shaking like a leaf, I REFUSED to finish my appointment by submitting to unnecessary tests and putting another baby in danger by having my prenatal care done by a midwife who would rather I starve and diet during pregnancy than just tell me to eat healthy so that the baby and I are healthy. So I transferred to a new birthing center with new midwives to whom I've made it perfectly clear from the get-go that I will not be pushed into things I do not want or believe in, and that is why I chose a midwife rather than an OB in the first place. I've had 3 appointments at the new place so far and had no problems. They listen, respect my decisions about what tests I do and do not want, and I have an hour for each appointment to ask any questions or discuss any concerns. Nobody had manipulated me, manhandled or bruised me, or told me to do anything that was dangerous to my or my baby's health. Ladies, this is why it's important to know what you want and do your research. So many times prenatal care providors will try to beg, push, or blackmail you into what THEY want out of your prenatal and birth experience. It's not about them, it's about you and that baby and the rest of your family. While we should not have to fight for the pregnancy and birth we want, the fact is that we do have to fight for it, so know what's what beforehand and go after it, even if that means you have to switch care providors. And trust me I know how terrifying it is to have to switch! I was scared stiff! But I am SO GLAD that I did and I can tell already that I will have a healthier (physically and emotionally) pregnancy and birth because I did. If I'd known how much better it would be, and what a relief it would be, I would not have been so scared to death to switch.

Aaaannnywaaay, you're all wondering where is my actual update if you've made it this far! Lol! Well my appointment was good. The midwife let Chicklet help and Chicklet was tickled pink! She got to squeeze the gel onto my belly, turn on the doppler, and then help wipe the gell off with a kleenex. :) She smeared gel all over the place (got on my skirt and shirt) but she was just so proud of herself it was adorable! I thought it was totally sweet of the midwife to let her help. Babygirl's heartrate was the same as last month- somewhere in the 150's but specifically undefineable because she once again kept kicking the doppler and squirming away! Lol! My BP is usually on the high end of normal, and it was uncommonly low for me this time which I thought was odd. Must have been from the wonderful friendly relaxed environment here. :) My uterus measured right on for the due date I calculated.

Afterwards we went to lunch as a family and tried a new place. To my surprise the kids meals came with ice cream cones, which I was none too pleased about at first, but decided to chill out and not worry about it, so my almost 21-month-old Buggie got his first ice cream cone ever and LOVED it. ;)

He got ice cream for his 1st birthday party last August but I am pretty sure he hasn't had any since then or before then, so this was an extra special treat for him and he was very intent on eating every last lick. All by himself. Yikes! ;) Chicklet has had ice cream cones before and was so excited about her cone that she wouldn't look at the camera. Hehe...

I'm so glad that my husband thought to take pics with his phone! I lost my camera back in January or February and have STILL not taken the Christmas pics off it. I need to find that but I keep forgetting to go on a camera hunt.

If someone elses beliefs, or them telling you their reasons why they made a choice, make you feel guilty or defensive for the choice YOU made, then you need to take a good hard look inside yourself and find out why. Because if you really were 100% confident of your choice then it wouldn't make you feel guilty for it just because someone else picked a different path. I don't care how many times someone gives me their reasons for NOT believing in God, it never makes one bit of impact on how much I LOVE JESUS and how thankful I am every day that I believe in Him and love Him and that He loves me! Because deep in my heart I know that choosing to love God was the right choice, I never have any guilt or doubt about whether or not that was the right choice. Ditto for circumcision. It doesn't matter what anyone else's reasons are for circumcising their son, hearing those reasons doesn't make me feel one iota uncomfortable, or guilty, or questioning whether it was the right choice that I did NOT circ my boy. Ditto for vaccinations. I so strongly believe that vaccines are harmful not only to individuals but to society as a whole that when someone tells me 952 reasons why it's so important to vaccinate, I've already worked them all out before ever making a choice so not a single one of those 952 reasons makes me feel guilty or question my choice- I have 952 reasons why it's so dangerous to vaccinate! I am 100% against abortion in ALL situations no matter what the circumstances- if it's a human it's got a soul and in God's eyes not only does it have all the same human rights as you or I, but it doesn't yet own the burden of hell-deserving sin that all adult humans own. Therefore no matter how many arguments or scenarios I hear about that excuse abortion, it doesn't make me feel guilty or unsure about my stance on abortion. I know what I believe. I know why I believe. I truely believe what I believe. So if I were to get all mad at someone for presenting a clear and complete explanation of why THEY believe what they believe regarding something in which I believe the opposite that they do, then that would be wrong of me. Firstly if I really was confident in my choice then it wouldn't hurt my decision to hear what they believe. Secondly to think it's my right to forbid them their responsibility to do what is right by standing up for what they believe in would be just as wrong. This does not exclude my countering their statement of belief with one of my own though. ;) It merely means that they have the moral duty to tell me why they believe they are right about it, as I likewise have the moral duty to tell people why I believe what I believe.

So, please, for all our sakes, beware the politically correct disease of "just shut-up" thinking that has poisoned every nook and cranny of our culture, from the White House to the Church to the alley on the wrong side of town to your own home. If you don't believe in it enough to stand up for it, then you have no business telling those who do to stop standing up for it. Believe what you believe, and LIVE IT. We're all human, we all slip up, but don't let it make you forget who you are and what you believe.

And always remember to say it with LOVE or it means nothing. Your motivation for telling people something goes so far toward whether they hear it or not. I too need to keep this in mind more when speaking.

1 Corinthians 13:1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

To get a complete picture of what I'm trying to say, you should read parts 1-3 as listed above before moving on to this one. :)

I have been blessed that in most of the things our family has chosen, I am not among the first "radicals" to walk this road and so it is therefore pretty easy for me to find support. But there are some new concepts that I'm apparently one of a very small, nearly nonexistant portion of the population to believe during my own little piece in history. Like the politically correct thing. I have actually never met anyone (yes NEVER met ANYONE) who didn't believe to some degree that it's wrong to tell other people if they're doing something you consider wrong because it might step on the toes of their culture or religion or thier personal code of conduct. That it's wrong to offend anyone so we should all just let everyone else think say and do anything they want to without making it known that we feel they are in the wrong, lest we hurt anyone's feelings. Now if you've read the earlier post that I've now dubbed Part 1, then you have an idea of where I'm going with this next.

If someone is doing something that you think could harm them or their kids it's wrong not to say something because you're too busy trying not to encroach on anyone's beliefs. If I had a religious, cultural, or personal belief that stated that the safest place for my 20 month old was in the front seat of the car without a carseat, would you be willing to do what's right and inform me of the dangers of that so that I would at least have a more balanced information base before deciding what to do or would you refrain from it because it would just be so wrong to tell anyone that something they've chosen to do might not be the best choice?! At least if you've warned me then it's not your fault if I get in a car accident and my kid dies, but if you never warned me then it could be partially your fault- you could have saved a life but chose to be politically correct instead. Once you've presented the other side then you are no longer responsible for their decision, and hey there IS the chance that something could happen in which the only safe place for my 20 month old IS in the front seat of my car with no carseat! So it's the person's choice in the end, but it's our responsibility to tell someone if something you think they are doing is potentially dangerous and then you will not be responsible if something bad happens because you chose to kiss-up instead of do what's right. The BIBLE (James 4:17) says that if you know what is the right thing to do and you don't do it, then you're sinning. If you know you should say something but don't want to offend anyone so you don't say anything, then you have sinned. What THEY do with the info is THEIR choice and they have the right to choose whatever they choose, and maybe they are right and you are wrong after all, but if you really believe what you claim to then act like it. I'm not saying a continual harassment of this person each time you see them, but I AM saying that you have the responsibility to present to them what you believe is right and a clear explanation of WHY one time before you have the right to wash your hands of the situation.

If you believe something, then you stand up for it. Do you believe it's wrong to protest at someone's feuneral? If you saw people protesting at a feuneral it would make you mad and you would be talking about how wrong it is, becuase you really believe it's wrong. You wouldn't bite your tongue because you might offend the race, religion, or culture who was protesting it. You would say that it's wrong, period. If your concern over not forcing your anti-feuneral-protest beliefs on anyone outweighs your concern for the wrongness of the harassment of the greif struck family then you are not genuinely deep down convinced that it's actually flat out wrong, are you? Because if you knew in your heart without a shadow of a doubt that it's wrong, then nothing would keep you from defending the family and speaking out against feuneral protestors- not even concern over possibly stepping on the protestors (or their supporters') toes.

If you don't have a stance one way or another on a topic, like say you don't think it's wrong either way to recycle or not recycle, then you would have no business trying to convince someone else that they should or shouldn't recycle. I'm not saying that if they're asking you can't refer them to something you read somewhere on the subject or that if you're still working it out in your own mind you can't be involved in a discussion about it in the interest of settling your own mind about it one way or the other. What I'm saying is that if you don't really believe in an absolute about something then you have no place helping/encouraging/or demanding anyone else make up their mind about it until you have your own mind made up. Likewise if you have no firm belief either way then you have no business telling anyone who DOES have a firm belief one way or the other about it to hold their tongue. You telling someone not to stand up for what they believe in is just as much of a sin as it would be for them to not stand up for what they believe in. I believe that to not defend what you believe to be right is like denying that you believe it at all.
In the Bible it doesn't say that to be saved we need to Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and don't deny that you do if someone asks, and thou shalt be saved. No, it says in Romans 10:9-10 "That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." It doesn't say that just not denying it will suffice, it states that you must actively verbally confess your beliefs. I think that if it's that important to God that we don't just merely not deny Him, but that we actively confess Him instead, then it must be an important component in having a belief. If believing something inside and just not denying it verbally was enough to make a belief a true belief, then it would have been good enough for God.

On the flip side harassing someone after the fact is IMO WRONG. If they have already made thier choices and something bad happened, for you to go and say you told them so or to then pick that moment to enlighten them on your beliefs and why they "chose wrong," then I believe that is cruel, arrogant, and selfish. There is a time and a place for everything and the time and place to tell someone what they would have could have should have done is NOT when they are greiving over it with that very track of coulda should woulda guilt playing on repeat in their head. It is NOT helpful to tell someone why you believe this or that is wrong when the opportunity for them to benefit from it has passed. Reminds me of Job's "friends" tormenting him after he lost everything. Just because some of the stuff they said was true didn't give them the right to be jerks - I think Job already knew that God had a reason for letting this happen, he didn't need to hear his healthy happy friends tell him stuff he already knew and belittle his problems. If you tell someone they shoulda wore a seatbelt after they are already paralyzed from the neck down, all it does is cause them pain and the evil one just loves it when you kick them while they're down and rub salt in their wound. It's too late to help them with pro-seatbelt sentiments so all you're doing is hurting them. THAT is the right time to shut up and be supportive of them as a person. Never endorse their having done something you believe wrong of course, because that would be DENYING what you supposedly believe in, but after the fact is not the time for an explanation of why you believe what you believe regarding that subject unless they ask.

Please click on Part 5 listed at the top of this post to read the conclusion of this batch of thoughts. :)

(I began this post as a single post, but I felt the need to say so much more that I wound up dividing it into several posts to fit in everything that was on my heart to say. Then I realized that if read as a series including 2 of my previous posts it would more fully explain what I'm trying to say. So that's how yesterdays post grew into the behemoth series I'm reposting it as.)

I'm sure some think I'm totally radical after reading my two earlier posts listed above as parts 1 and 2, but I feel like someone who has been half asleep and am finally waking up! It's so easy to overlook things that are the cultural norm when holding things up to the light of the Word. We would think to pray and read about something that there is controversy active in our country about, because we know that there are two sides to it and therefore know that there's a decision to be made about what we think about it. The things that are a cultural norm however are the tough ones. The things that EVERYONE (or almost everyone) believes are different however. It doesn't click in our brains that there is possibly anything wrong with it because everyone and their dog thinks one way. For instance celebrating hollidays. The whole world celebrates hollidays. Have you ever stopped to wonder if God wants us to celebrate hollidays? For most of us I think the answer is likely no. It's just something our timeperiod and culture does. Everyone does it. So we don't think to question it. What about birth control? I know that 15 years ago I didn't know and had never even heard of a single soul who questioned the "fact" that birth control was okay and not only a valid option for all but it was important to use it to be a good steward of your lifestyle. But there were a few crazy radicals who woke up from mere acceptance and realized that just because it's the cultural norm, just because it's endorsed by the church, doesn't mean that it's necessarily what God endorses! And so they loooked into it and now, I'm sure you know of the Duggars on tv if nobody else, I think we've all heard of or know someone who has come to the conclusion that birth control is not only NOT actually endorsed by God, but may even be AGAINST what God does endorse. If a "crazy" few hadn't questioned the cultural norm, then more and more people would not have questioned it until quiverfull is now a growing movement that is surrounded by much controversy but is gaining more and more acceptance. The same goes for homeschooling. Back in the 70's and 80's if you homeschooled, people reacted with horror and called CPS! Most adults hadn't ever thought about the existance of homeschooling, let alone the possibility of it being a viable option. If a "crazy" few hadn't kept fighting for the right to do what they felt was the better way to educate their kids, while the rest of the world scorned and looked down on them for something THEY believed was the FAR INFERIOR way to educate children, then homeshooling would not be so widespread today and those of us who have chosen to homeschool would still be hiding our children during school hours and warding off visits from CPS.
*As an aside, I have nothing against teachers and it hurts me when public school teachers automatically assume that I hate them or think they're evil just because I homeschool. This is so far from the truth! I think the SYSTEM is a flawed system run by an atheistic new-world government by forcing people who do not believe in it to pay for it and then using it to brainwash our kids right out of their faith in God (among other things). The teachers themselves, yes, they work for the flawed machine, but they are overworked and underpaid and I have the greatest respect for anyone who can teach a bunch of disrespectful and troubled kids who are not their own. I can teach my kids because I love them and their best interests are always at the front of my mind. Other people's kids though I don't know if I would have that unique quality to see through their behavioural issues and love them enough to teach them as though they were my own. So while I am against sending my kids to the big government atheist machine, it does NOT mean that if you are a teacher that I have any less respect for you than I would for a fellow homeschooling mother! And if you're a Christian teacher in a public school, then I pray God grants you grace and blessings to shine for HIM because YOU might be the only Jesus some of those kids ever see and I know how hard the government machine tries to restrict you so you won't be able to shine. And to my knowlege, MOST homeschool mothers have nothing against teachers and are hurt and confused as to why public school teachers assume that our choice to homeschool means that we hate them.*

I have been blessed that in most of the things our family has chosen, I am not among the first "radicals" to walk this road and so it is therefore pretty easy for me to find support. (Now, there is nothing new under the sun, and there was a time when things like birth control and public schools were unheard of concepts as well, because "the only new thing is history we have not learned." When I refer to something as being a new concept, I am meaning that it is a new concept to the people who are alive in this current piece of time which I'm talking about.) There are things that are not so widely progressed yet though that are more difficult. Home birthing for instance is accepted and supported in some US states but in others it is something that midwives can go to jail for and finding a homebirth midwife is actually done through an underground network. Thankfully in my state Midwives don't have to hide, for which I'm thankful. But there are some new concepts that I'm apparently one of a very small, nearly nonexistant portion of the population to believe during my own little piece in history. Like the politically correct thing. I have actually never met anyone (yes NEVER met ANYONE) who didn't believe to some degree that it's wrong to tell other people if they're doing something you consider wrong because it might step on the toes of their culture or religion or thier personal code of conduct. That it's wrong to offend anyone so we should all just let everyone else think say and do anything they want to without making it known that we feel they are in the wrong, lest we hurt anyone's feelings. Now if you've read the earlier post that I've now dubbed Part 1, then you have an idea of where I'm going with this next.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

4/29/10
I was wearing a spaghetti strap tank top and shorts to wash up that morning because I knew I'd have kids bursting in on me every 3 seconds. I usually wear a long skirt or my long pajamas, so Chicklet (3 yrs, 6.5 mnths) is not used to seeing me scantily clad unless I just got out of the shower or something, but I hadn't had a shower in a couple days and needed to be CLEAN! :p
Chicklet asked me, "Do you need a shirt with sleeves?" This was a rhetorical question, her way of telling me to put some clothes on! ;) I told her I will get a shirt with sleeves soon but I have to wash my armpits right now. She looked at me sympathetically, nodded, and said conspiratorially, "Deodorant can help you."
Thanks, sweetie. :-/

-+-+-
If you have a sweet, cute, or funny Toddler (or kid) story, I'd love it if you'd share it! :) If you would like to post a Toddler Tales Tuesday on your blog, please leave a link to your post in my Linky below, AND post the code for this blog hop in your Toddler Tales Tuesday post! Commenting on at least one of the other linked posts would delight the writer of said post I'm sure - hint hint! ;) The linky will remain open for 2 weeks following the date of this post in case you want to add a post late.If you don't have a blog or would prefer it, you may share your toddler tales here in the comments.

I'm posting this a little late but going to link up at The Mommy On The Bus for MckLinky Monday! ;) Hope it's still okay late! :) Please pop on over THERE and check out the other links!

Our weekend was a doozie! It had it's ups and downs! We've all been sick since a few weeks ago- apparently the kids are still playing ping-pong with it because they keep taking turns seeming better and being sick. Chicklet is doing good at the moment and I think hubby and I are well past the worst of it, by my dear Buggie started Saturday morning out with puking in his crib in the wee hours of the morning and not making a peep about it so guess how we found him at 8am when we went to get him up? Oh it was bad. Really bad. Hubby and I had to take turns in there working on cleaning it all up because the room smelled so bad neither of us could be in there for long. I feel so bad for poor little Bug sleeping in that for who knows how long. :( I remember getting up to use the bathroom at 4am and smelling a faint sour milk smell which I couldn't tell where it was coming from so I thought it must be something I spilled on my pajama shirt when I was pouring Bug's last sippy cup and just fell back to sleep intending to deal with it when we woke up and I could sniff-test in a less groggy and more competent manner. If I'd had any idea what the smell really was from I'd have cleaned my poor boy up ASAP but I didn't, so now I feel really guilty for not guessing correctly what the smell was from. :(

Saturday afternoon during Bug's nap, Chicklet played on the swingset. Now, we don't have much for a lawn. It's thorns and weeds galore and not really a good place for kids to play, but the spring rains have greened up the weeds enough to make for a bit of padding between the thorns and Chicklet so I put 2 layers of pants on her and let her play. She discovered dandelion seeds for the first time and happily re-seeded our weed supply by blowing the puffs all over the place, but she was just so cute and excited about blowing the fluff off them that I just laughed and didn't stop her. There will always be dandelions... what's a few (thousand) more? ;)

Later in the afternoon my husband was talking to the neighbor who said his dog barked so he looked out the window and he saw someone sneaking around between our houses in the middle of the night and when he turned on his porch light the prowler took off. Now that's disturbing... Glad we are armed citizens if there are creeps like that about. Society is much safer when the upstanding citizens are armed.

Sunday I began to feel sickish again so hubby let me take a really long nap. I'm so thankful he did because after that I felt so much better!

Okay bear with me as I do my updates. I'm having some seriously ouchie contractions right now and they're assisting the kids in distracting me from getting my Toddler Tales Tuesday post up! ;) It's coming! Really! I promise! ;)

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Me, Mirage

I'm a 30 year old wife of 11.5 years to my Knight in Shining Armor, and Mama to FOUR (*whispers: five!*) energetic tots ages 7 and under! No, "Mirage" is not my real name, but it's been a part of each of my screen names since before I got married. I love to read, write, and crochet. Sometimes I like to sew but I'll never be as good at it as my own Mama was. I'm falling more and more in love with my Saviour Jesus every day! He is teaching me and molding me and I am trying not to be too difficult about it... ;) I'm into herbal and natural remedies, natural childbirth, and cooking. I grew up on a farm and love goats! When I was a child I wanted to marry a Godly man and have lots of kids. This has always been my life's dream... I am living that dream married to my Knight and bringing up my blessings for Jesus!

Chicklet, age 7

Chicklet is a sweet and loving sister to her younger brother and sisters. She is finally in 2nd grade, much to her delight! She's got an amazing memory and she's a very concerned and sharing person. Her favorite thing in the world to do is draw pictures, which she has an amazing God-given talent for. She loves learning new things and gets excited about doing her schoolwork and helping me with daily chores. She also loves to read very much and for her birthday, requested to go to the bookstore and pick out a new book. :)

Bug, age 5

My busy Bug! He loves spiders and trains and taking things apart. He has the cutest smile! He loves to be my special helper but he loves to be Daddy's special helper more... ;)

Weetsie, age 3

Sweetie-weet, aka Weet or Weetsie, is a real handfull! She's always busy, when she's not snuggled up in my lap, and always into something! She loves to follow me around doing whatever I do. She enjoys coloring, sometimes in her coloring book but when nobody's looking she finds the refrigerator, cabinets, and walls to be a spectacular canvas for her artwork.

Honeypie, age 1 1/2

Honeypie is sweet as pie and loves hugs! She's still very babyish looking and only started walking at about 19 months old. She's got super tender feet and would only take a few steps a day for a long time, as she would get blisters on her feet so easily, but at 21 months she's waddling and toddling around constantly and her feet seem to have toughened up - we haven't seen a blister in over a week, yay! Her favorite word is "uh-oh!" but "Mama" and "sammich" are also popular lately. Usually in combination and used prolifically near meal times. ;)

Baby #5!

A sweet baby girl is due to be born to us in November 2013! She's already fiesty as can be! :)