Sunday, 29 November 2015

Breast Augmentation; One Year On

As I write this, one year ago to the minute, I was laying on the operating table in theatre, ready for my breast augmentation - or as it's more commonly referred to, boob job. I was freaking out so much they had to give me gas and air because my heart rate was just too high to administer the anesthetic, to say I was nervous was an understatement. Funny looking back... not so funny at the time.

I have previously blogged about the procedure, firstly on the technicalities (you can catch up here), and also on the actual surgery and initial recovery (you can catch up here, if you're not too squeamish), simply because when I was researching the procedure, I genuinely didn't feel like there was enough support, advice or real life accounts of what it was like to go through, what happens before, during and after etc. On the same note, I feel like one year on, a reflection is just as important because it's not always an easy (and pain free) road to recovery and it's important for people who are thinking about going through it themselves to decide with all the facts - not just the fluffy, surgeons website who will tell you nothing hurts and you're basically set for life and won't have any complications. Not true. I also asked everyone on Twitter to submit anonymous questions they would like answered honestly so I'll cover all of that too.

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During the last 18 months, I learnt the difference between dislike and hate. If you've never experienced true hatred of something about yourself, then you're very lucky. I know a lot of people dislike certain things about themselves but trust me when I say 'hate' is so so different. I looked down at my body, and it wasn't me. That's not how I was meant to look. Thoughts engulfed me every single day, and there was barely a day that went by without a thought to how much I hated just that one thing about my body. I can't even openly admit to some of the lengths I went to to disguise how I looked. I think when you get to that stage, where it's overcoming your life, then you have every right in the world to want to do something about it. So I did.

It wasn't a popular decided with a lot of people, but because I'd never even remotely spoken about how bad my obsession was, no one knew how I truly felt, so looking back, I don't blame them. I know for some people reading this, it's hard, maybe impossible to understand. I've been called vain, pathetic and every other word under the sun but you guys are just the lucky ones as you clearly don't hate anything about yourselves as much as I did, enough to understand my decision.

One year on, my life is completely different. Not a day (probably even an hour) goes past where I don't look in the mirror and fall in love with my new body all over again. I've never felt so positive about my body, and now I don't get anxious clothes/underwear/bikini shopping - it's an amazing feeling. My surgery has injected the confidence in me that I was fronting my whole life, now it's for real.

I look at my body and think, that's how it was always meant to look and I've genuinely totally erased the mental image of what was there before. All I have is photos now.

To say it was the best decision I've ever made is an understatement.

My results, in my opinion, couldn't be more perfect, mostly due to a fantastic surgeon that I spend many hours researching, and partly due to the sheer amount of research I did pre op. I knew exactly what I wanted and which technical techniques I needed in order to achieve it. I was strong enough to say no when my surgeon suggested something I knew deep down I didn't want, and that decision has given me the most amazing results. I went from a 32B - 32GG which I know sounds massive but they're honestly not fake looking at all, which is what I wanted.

As much as I love them, one thing scares me more than anything, and that's if my body rejects them. Capsular Contracture can happen at any time, but if you make it to 5 years with no problems then you're most likely safe. A few months ago, I went back to yoga for the first time and the next day got really sharp shooting pains in my right boob (which has always been the naughty boob). Between the dull ache and the sharp pains, I was panicking like mad that it was CC, and eventually rang the nurse for help. She suggested I'd most likely ripped my scar tissue stretching and the sharp pains were my implant catching a nerve and the dull pain, the scar tissue patching itself up. Hopefully, that's all it was. I couldn't bare to think that I have CC, having to go through everything all over again to maybe not get as amazing results next time is a thought not even worth thinking about.

The worry of CC does affect me quite a lot though and I do everything I can to protect them, and pray it doesn't happen.

I know a lot of people want questions answering so I've chosen the most FAQ below, and everyone else I'll reply to you via DM/email.

Are they still painful?

On the whole, no. My right boob (the naughty one) is slightly harder and higher than the other and always has been. I get the occasional pain in it which lasts a second or two but that's it. The left one is absolutely fine. I think it'll always be that way to be honest but it doesn't bother me.

Do they feel real?

Well they're not rock solid, but they're definitely not as soft as real tissue. It takes over a year for them to fully settle so I know mine are still softening up.

Can you breastfeed?

That's a hard one as surgeons can't guarantee either way. You'll only know if you can still breastfeed when the time comes, a sacrifice I was more than willing to make.

Do you have stretchmarks?

I didn't for thr first 9 months but then I put on a bit of weight about 9 months post op and I saw a few tiny white ones appear. They're hardly noticeable though. My surgeon suggested this is the biggest implant he could fit without risking stretchmarks and I trusted him.

Can you exercise like normal?

I do wear two sports bras so tight I can hardly breathe, but on the whole yes. It does feel a big funny running with two balloons flapping about (or at least that's what it feels like). I still stay away from any kind of chest exercises and probably always will do because of where my implant is placed. I'm not an expert but from what I know, if you weight lift a lot, you're advised to have the implant over your muscle.

Do you have to wear a bra 24/7?

I don't personally wear bras anymore, I just can't find any that are comfortable because of the underwire, also hardly anywhere even stocks my size! It is a shame as I was really looking forward to some amazing underwear post boob hob but it doesn't really bother me. I wear either triangle bras with no underwire or padding or sports bras day to day, and tend to wear them all the time unless I'm lounging about the house. I like to wear them as much as possible to keep them high and tight and stop gravity from pulling them down in later years!

Are they heavy?

When I first got them done, it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest but in actual fact, silicone weighs way way way less than fat so they're not heavy at all. Although I do use the excuse of heavy implants when I step on the scales to get weighed hahaha

Do you have any scars?

If I lift my arms high above my head, you can see tiny, faint scars but that's literally it.

How long do they last?

The implants I have now have a lifetime guarantee so if they ever rupture, I'll get them redone for free. Older implants had to be replaced every 10 years but technology has now changed and it's not the case anymore thank goodness.

Did it hurt?

Not at all. It was uncomfortable and tight for a while but I just spent two weeks in bed watching Netflix and completely relaxing which I definitely think helped in having the best and easiest recovery.

Would you have any more surgery

Most likely no. I've learnt the different between dislike and hate. There are other things about myself that I don't particularly like but it's no where near on the scale of how much hate I had for my boobs.

What implants did you have?

I had high profile, textured, silicone implants placed between in the muscle. 400cc in the left and 425cc in the right to even them out.

Do you have any regrets?

None at all. Maybe if I did it again right now I'd have 425cc & 450cc implants just because I'm greedy but honestly I wouldn't change them for the world.

It was a tough road, with no thanks to the clinic where I got them done being absolutely useless and the girls who work there, extremely rude, bitchy and nasty but it was worth every second.

I fall in love with them more every day and yes I'm still obsessed, but in a positive way now. I'm happier than I've ever been.

Thanks to everyone who wished me well through the recovery and looked after me (shout out to Luke for cutting my food up, lifting my glass to my mouth and braiding my hair to stop it getting matted laying in bed). I couldn't and wouldn't have done it without everyone's support.

It's so nice and reassuring to hear this. Nice to know it's made such a good impact too, so worth it. I had laser eye surgery cause I was so embarrassed with glasses, and if I ever have the money I'm longing for little boobs. Glad everything went okay :-) xx

It's so lovely to see you sharing your journey Lauren, since a lot of the time all you hear about is regret and complications and a lot of people shouting 'see I told you so!'. So glad you're still obsessed with them but in a good way. Fingers crossed everything stays where it should, and that the dreaded cc doesn't hit you. xo

Really great post! Information and experience like this can mean the world to someone thinking of getting the same. Awful that people say vain and pathetic, but I think saying that they haven't experienced the hatred you have is a brilliant response! I would love love love a nose job, I think I'm more nervous about telling people than actually going under the knife! Happy for you and your confidence, you deserve it! http://opalsoul.blogspot.co.uk - Jesska xxxx

I've naturally got 30/32 GG/H/HH (depending on shop) boobs so I can totally relate with not being able to buy any bras (they cost me upwards of £50!) but I would kill for your original size! To be able to wear certain clothes would be incredible!

I completely relate to your body issues, if you scratch the surface, every girl has insecurities, just few have the drive to do something about it as you have! Kudos! I've hated everything since puberty struck but it's for the opposite of your reasons! I was already a DD aged 12 and they just continued to grow as I aged. Now at 22, they're unmanageable and to me, they're unsightly and a hindrance on every day life. No clothes fit, coats done do up, as I have a big bum too and small waist, if I wear anything baggy or loose I look about 20 stone, bras are all ugly and boring unless you pay £100+ for a specially made one, dresses look weird, I cant see my toes, they stop me from breathing when I'm laying down.. I just hate them!

Over the years the sheer size and weight of them (they weigh about a stone) has caused my spine to twist. I have to go to the osteopath and physio on a regular basis (£40 a pop!) to click my back back into place as my posture is terrible from being dragged forward, and because of the weight of them, I'm in agony all the time from the multiple back problems I've suffered and need deep tissue massages every few weeks to get the knots out.

Unfortunately my weight to boob ratio (it's a thing!) means the NHS won't cover the reduction, despite the physical and mental pain that it causes and the actual cost of their upkeep, so will have to fund it myself. :( so that means that I won't be able to get one for a very long time when I can afford it and I feel That my issues will just get worse! It sucks!

I have a lot of respect for people who can look at themselves and like what they see, just some aren't blessed with the bodies they want! Life can be cruel! Two of my friends have just had implants (from AA to B and from B to D) and they look amazing! So natural looking and has given them loads more confidence! Although they both said they were told to wear a bra (a supportive one, doesn't have to be underwired) as often as possible as in the first year while they're settling, without support they may sag, so be careful with not wearing one!

I also may also encourage this (as an owner of large breasts) that support is your best Friend. I didn't have proper support as they were growing and often wore bras that were too small, becAuse of this my back problems got significantly worse.

I really would advise to wear one during the day when you're up and about and especially at work. One that lifts them and properly supports you and your back so you don't end up like me, forking out hundreds per month to relieve the pains. Being professionally fitted has been a god send too! Definitely worth the money of an expensive bra! And then get a crop top night bra for when you're sleeping. It keeps them supported, lifted and keeps them in place! I've been doing this since I was an E cup (14yo) and mine are still pert several sizes and several years later !

I love how happy and confident you sound in this post :} I'd love to have mine done, but I am that terrified of hospitals and surgery that I don't think I could do it. You look absolutely amazing in your photos and I'm made up for you that aside from the girls in the clinic, you've had such a positive experience. I will always have raging boob envy when I see photos of you haha :}