Monday, December 31, 2018

Gone

Dear Those Who Have Gone On,

I was looking through some boxes of snapshots- I know you will recogninize the feeling- like so many drifts and avalanches of déjà vu. All those different people, so many of them dead and gone, or forgotton, and many of them are me.

It's an exisitential crisis in saturated color on a 5 inch scrap of paper. It probably isn't good for humans to have this much self awareness. On the other hand, why is it so sad? Why would years that I know were perfectly good years, perfectly fabulous times, now gone, bring sadness to consider them? Is it just "the missing," or is it "the lost and never was anyway?" I do not know. But I intend to keep on poking at the sleeping beast. Yesterday must have some meaning, some relevance for today. But, it's like a dream you can't quite remember; all sliding away even as it forms on the back of your eyeballs.

Looking at the past in photographs is a form of transcendental time travel, only it isn't working right. Whatever working right would mean. I don't think it would mean that everything would prove to have a rhyme and a reason, but I think it would allow you to proceed with less doubt and more truth. It would mean that you could be that bright spirit that you would like to be, without having to wish for it.

Anyway, when I saw your picture, I thought of you, and I wanted you to know that I miss you.