Hillary Clinton, facing increasing investigations of her private email accounts while she was Secretary of State, and worried that the scandal could destroy her presidential prospects, sat down yesterday with Oprah (for an interview to be aired tomorrow on MSNBC) to explain that she is "addicted to pornography, and set up the private email system so that she could surf the net without violating federal regulations."

I owe Democrats an apology. Flipping through some of my hate mail (I lead a tremendously exciting life, as you can see) it dawned on me that it’s quite possible conservatives are a little too hard on our liberal friends. (Also: I’m trolling for more hate mail.) And so, with reserved humility, I sat down with a drink (less than 32 ounces) and a pen, and made a list of things for which we conservatives ought to apologize. It’s the least I can do:I am sorry about labeling Net Neutrality “broadband-socialism”. Clearly my distrust in the folks who brought us...

George Washington. Famous for being first, but hasn't done anything in centuries. RUTGERS John Adams. Sort of forgotten and small and lost to Thomas Jefferson so...WAKE FOREST Thomas Jefferson. Bought Louisiana, had zero scruples, drank hard, and invented the disgraceful sex scandal. LSU James Madison. Tiny, but punched well above his weight, and lasted way longer in the game than he had any right to via craftiness. BOISE STATE James Monroe. Known for having financial difficulties. MARYLAND John Quincy Adams. Thorny bastard who swam naked in rivers for fun and had big-ass sideburns. WEST VIRGINIA Andrew Jackson. Completely insane. Noted...

If you are single, you might occasionally browse personal ads from people looking for love. Please post words or phrases you consider red flags in personal ads. I am less concerned about obvious reg flags like "just got out of prison." I am more interested in subtle reg flags, euphemisms and words that put you off personally. But please feel free to post any type of red flag to keep the discussion flowing. Thank you.

FR CANTEEN MISSION STATEMENT Showing support and boosting the morale of our military and our allied military and the family members of the above.Honoring those who have served before. FReeper Canteen Just Hangin' Cafe Come on in, we're open Need a place just to hang out? This is it. We serve coffee, tea, conversation and music. Our AWESOME military, our AWESOME allies, and their families are welcomed and honored here. No worries in the FReeper Canteen Just Hangin' Cafe. Grab a cup and start a conversation.We've been know to spin a yarn or two.You never know who you might...

Information technology workers at Southern California Edison (SCE) are being laid off and replaced by workers from India. Some employees are training their H-1B visa holding replacements, and many have already lost their jobs...The H-1B program "was supposed to be for projects and jobs that American workers could not fill," this worker said. "But we're doing our job. It's not like they are bringing in these guys for new positions that nobody can fill. "Not one of these jobs being filled by India was a job that an Edison employee wasn't already performing," he said...SCE employees said that since August,...

Reddit users were asked “What’s the laziest thing you’ve ever done?” And one former sailor’s response is so incredible we had to share it. We usually only write about Alabama-related things, so let’s just assume this took place aboard one of the Alabama-built Littoral Combat Ships. I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he’s still half asleep, bleary eyed… basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel...

Kat Blanchett: Say nothing. They'll blame it on the dog. Bird feeding dog: The Most Beautiful Horse in the World: Mare-lyn Monroe: Adorable Slow Loris: Tiny deer: Something good about 'ol Harry Truman you didn't know (even though he was a Demorat: Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 32 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House. The only asset he had when he died was...

Kat Blanchett: Say nothing. They'll blame it on the dog. Bird feeding dog: The Most Beautiful Horse in the World: Mare-lyn Monroe: Adorable Slow Loris: Tiny deer: Something good about 'ol Harry Truman you didn't know (even though he was a Demorat: Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 32 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House. The only asset he had when he died was...

An Image for the Church in a â€śWay-Coolâ€ť Christmas Gift By: Msgr. Charles PopeIf youâ€™re looking for a last minute gift for someone (remember, Christmas goes on till Epiphany), consider the â€śSeptem-Seater Tricycle.â€ť Donâ€™t worry that it costsÂ Â $20,000; you can charge it or put it on a payment plan! Yes, it is the seven-seat tricycle in the Hammacher Schlemmer Catalog.Â I suspect it is one of those corporate â€śteam-buildingâ€ť items.Â A large corporation might be able to afford the hefty cost or even just rent it for corporate â€śretreats.â€ť It would sure be fun to try it out.At any rate I...

FR CANTEEN MISSION STATEMENT Showing support and boosting the morale of our military and our allied military and the family members of the above.Honoring those who have served before. FReeper Canteen Just Hangin' Cafe Come on in, we're open Need a place just to hang out? This is it. Let's continue to celebrate the new yearwith good conversation and good music. We serve coffee, tea, conversation and music. Our AWESOME military, our AWESOME allies, and their families are welcomed and honored here. Hope everyone had a safe and enjoyable New Year celebration of their choice. No worries in the...

For the most intolerant and extreme religion in the world, this is a rather embarrassing statistic. It appears that the Catholic Church, widely recognized as the most uncompromising and dogmatic among the world’s major religions, is about to close out the year without executing a single person. As everyone knows, the Catholic Church is a religion of strict doctrine, ruling every aspect of each individual Catholic’s life from the Vatican with an iron fist, while at the same time relentlessly imposing its beliefs on the rest of society. Yet for some reason the Catholic Church has had an abysmal year...

Remember when the ruble's biggest problem was that it was pornographic? Such worries now seem enviable in a month that has seen the Russian currency plummet to historic lows of 80 rubles to the dollar, reeling from the one-two punch of low oil prices and Western sanctions. Although the ruble has gained some strength since bottoming out, the battered currency remains the butt of many online jokes, as Russians cash in on one of their richest natural resources -- black humor: Kremlin spin doctor Dmitry Kiselyov announces the news: "The price of the dollar continues to fluctuate. This proves what...

Expert Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt knew that Names can tell us a lot about the Person, but does a Name Really Affect the Outcome of a person’s Personal & Professional Success? Not so much. Their study found that with all else equal between two babies born at the same time, name did not move the needle in terms of economic status later in life. Naming was not destiny. View the names here.

"This sword is from the 1700s. I got it at an antique store in my memaw's home town back in 1984. The person who sold it to me told me to be careful because there is a 90+% chance that it is cursed. Since it's been in my house my life has descended into pure chaos. My knitting group came over and they all said they could feel a strange energy in my sword room (I have a collection of over 100 swords. This is my only haunted sword). Since i got this sword, about 3 times a week a...

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senior U.S. officials are literally calling “fowl” after the Thanksgiving turkey pardoned by President Obama publicly defected to the Middle Eastern terrorist group ISIS. Popcorn the Turkey, now calling himself Babakurn al-Turki, was pardoned from the dinner table only yesterday by President Obama in a public ceremony at the White House. Normally the pardoned bird is sent along with its competitor to live out its remaining days at Morven Park’s Turkey Hill in Leesburg, Virginia. However, U.S. officials have now admitted that al-Turki instead hijacked an Osprey out of Andrews Air Force Base in nearby Maryland and...

A Frenchman has developed a range of pills aimed at making people’s flatulence smell sweeter - of chocolate or of roses - which he says will make the perfect Christmas present. The 65-year-old artist and inventor says his pills are aimed at easing indigestion and are made of 100 percent natural ingredients such as fennel, seaweed and blueberries.

Immediately upon hearing of Secretary Hagel's decision to resign, President Obama began His search for the best available replacement. Today, He announced His eagerly awaited choice for a successor. I have too many personal problems. Statement of President Obama: My fellow Americans, as you are well aware, I pledged soon after taking office in 2009 that My administration would be the most transparent ever. In keeping with My solemn vow, I want to tell you this evening about My most important actions over the past few days, and how I decided to take them, to make our already exceptional national security even better. A few days ago, My very close personal friend and scapegoat Republican...

Congress has voted to remove the child tax credit, the earned income tax credit and the mortgage interest deduction from the tax code starting with the 2014 fiscal year. The move is almost assured to solidify the perception of the 113rd Congress of the United States as deeply disconnected from the struggles and desires of the populace it is supposed to serve. The move, long championed by entitlement reform advocates like congressman Paul Ryan R-Wisconsin and Ted Cruz R-Texas, will cut entitlement payouts by a staggering 177 billion dollars. 54.33 billion dollars in savings will be realized from discontinuing the...

My question is this: what race or racial mix will the next first black President of the United States be? I mean, OK, the first first black President was 100% white. (Yes, you are reading these sentences correctly.) Then the second first black President, Barack Obama, is actually not black but bi-racial, we are reminded.

Vowels to Bosnia ask and you shall receive... Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O,U, and Y, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian words more pronounceable. "For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhrand Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world,"Clinton said. "Today, the United States...

FR CANTEEN MISSION STATEMENT Showing support and boosting the morale of our military and our allied military and the family members of the above.Honoring those who have served before. FReeper Canteen Just Hangin' Cafe Come on in, we're open Need a place just to hang out? This is it. We serve coffee, tea, conversation and music.After another crazy week, some of us are ready for an umbrella drink. Or maybe a tall brew? No worries in the FReeper Canteen Just Hangin' Cafe. Grab a glass and start a conversation. You never know who you might meet in the Cafe....

Consider the following 20 beliefs from the imaginary world where liberals live. ď‚§ The Â“Affordable Care ActÂ” will reduce the cost and increase the quality of health care, because if you want something done efficiently and economically, then you want unionized government bureaucracies to handle it. ď‚§ We donÂ’t have a spending problem ď‚§ It is morally acceptable to borrow massive amounts of money from our grandchildren to support our own current consumption. ď‚§ The 22 trillion dollars spent on the War on Poverty was quite successful in reducing the number of people in poverty. ď‚§ The Social Security Program...

We reside in a culture where the cognitive dissonance gets ever more obvious, yet ever larger numbers are choosing not to see. It leaves one wondering whether to laugh or cry Have you heard the one about the Rabbi, the Imam and the fat chick? Me neither. In fact, it’s been so long since I’ve heard a good joke that I almost forgot what it feels like to laugh. It seems this is somewhat of a universal experience, as many of my friends and acquaintances have similar plaints. But then, what would you expect from a culture that carefully monitors...

I know Ebola is serious. But, what the hell, lets have a chuckle. **** Warning **** Contains a slam at Sarah. I think the other ones are 'funny' and outweigh the slap at her. Hate Rojas and Roll Call. Not me. You have been warned.

Notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from New Jersey and was roped into judging a chili contest: "Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State Fair in Texas, and was asked to fill in to be a judge at their annual Texas Chili Cook-Off. Apparently the original judge #3 called in sick at the last moment, and I just happened to be standing there when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that it would be a fun event and a true...