99745: He loves a girl and her father agrees to them marrying but her mother refuses

I love a girl who is related to me but her mother does not agree to giving her to me in marriage, but her father agrees to everything. What is your answer? I am still keeping her picture.

Published Date: 2007-06-29

Praise be to Allaah.

What counts in order for a marriage to be valid is the
consent of the woman’s wali (guardian), which is her father in this case. As
for the mother, it is not essential that she give her permission or consent,
but it is recommended for the father to consult her as a sign of respect
towards her.

Based on this, if the father of the girl agrees, then he can
arrange the marriage contract with you, but is it right to go ahead with
this marriage? That depends. If the girl is religiously committed and of
good character, and the mother’s refusal is based on minor reasons or
something that can be rectified in the future, then there is nothing wrong
with going ahead with this marriage. But if her refusal is based on
something that cannot be rectified soon, then it is better not to go ahead
with this marriage, because the mother’s attitude may affect your married
life.

Determining what is best in this case needs an examination of
the details of the matter. But in general terms we may say that it needs you
to weigh up the pros and cons, and to look at the nature of the girl and how
much she is influenced by her mother’s attitude, if she will put pressure on
her or tell her to go against you. As for your saying that you are still
keeping her picture, if what you mean is that you have a photo of her, this
is not permissible for two reasons:

1 – She is a stranger (non-mahram) to you, so it is not
permissible for you to look at her. This looking is one of the doors that
lead to fitnah. Hence Islam enjoins lowering the gaze, as it says in the
verse (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking
at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual
acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do”

[al-Noor 24:30]

2 – It is not permissible to keep photos for memories, even
if they are pictures of one's sons and daughters or mahrams, because of the
general meaning of the evidence which indicates that making images is
haraam, and the stern tone of that evidence. It is not permissible to take
pictures of animate beings except in cases of necessity and urgent need,
such as ID photos and pictures of criminals and so on.

Based on this, you have to get rid of this picture and
understand that Allaah is watching you and can see you, so fear Allaah and
fear His punishment, and conceal the ‘awrah of believing women, and wish for
them what you would wish for your own family of concealment and well being.

Do not marry until you ask Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah).
Please see question no. 11981
for more information on Salaat al-Istikhaarah.