Published: Friday, January 25, 2013 at 5:30 p.m.

Last Modified: Friday, January 25, 2013 at 5:30 p.m.

Five years ago this Saturday, five young Marion County men climbed into a high-performance BMW and sped down a private airstrip at Jumbolair, an exclusive aviation community in Anthony north of Ocala.

Traveling at an estimated 120 mph, the BMW vaulted off the end of the raised runway and slammed into a stand of trees 166 feet away. All five friends died instantly.

While it took just seconds for the young men to perish, it has taken years for their families to come to terms with their deaths, each in their own way.

The men's families say they are in different stages of grief. Some have managed to push their lives forward; some admit to being stuck at times in their grief.

"You never get over it. You just try to cope with it," said Kelly Wilson, the mother of 20-year-old Isaac Rubin, who was a passenger in the rear of the car. "There's no undoing it."

"It was four years before I fully accepted his death ... before I could move on to a new normal," Wilson said. "I will never be pre-Isaac again. I will always have a hole in my heart ... and I accept I will never see him again."

Wilson, who has two children, 12 and 14, said that initially she talked only of the accident, but as time passed "I wanted to hear other people tell me about Isaac. I have started to enjoy life again, but it's just dimmer," she said. "I don't want to talk about him any less. He was my son."

Wilson recommends families in similar situations talk about the loved ones they've lost and urges family friends to listen.

"If you don't talk about him, then when his name is mentioned, all that emotion comes up. Now I can talk about him and smile," Wilson said.

Sharon Lindsey can't smile.

"This was a test of my faith and I failed it," said Lindsey, the mother of James Devon Hime, 19, the front-seat passenger. "I failed ... by not holding onto the things I believed in. I'm still mad at God.

Gary Lindsey convinced Sharon to leave Anthony and move to Georgia. Gary Lindsey took an early retirement from the Marion County School District. Sharon Lindsey quit her job as salesperson for Kraft General Foods.

But a couple of years later, Sharon and Gary Lindsey returned to Anthony.

"I wanted to be close to my son," she said.

Lindsey also sees a counselor.

She visits his Anthony grave and frequently asks him why he entered the car and why it couldn't have been someone else's child.

She said she still blames herself sometimes for her son's death and that she should have made sure her son was safely home at the time of the 3:40 a.m. crash.

Marsha Dawe had a plan to adjust to life without her son, James Dustin Dawe: "I tried to work myself to death," she said . "But ... it just took my time up."

"I thought that if I worked hard enough I'd die. But after about two and a half years I just worked my butt off."

Life goes on around you, she said.

"You've got to keep breathing. You're going to wake up the next day and what you do with it is what you do with it," Dawe said. "I didn't die, my son did. I've got to go on. I have to pay the electric."

"Our lives have changed forever. The grieving process goes on forever. It never ends," she said. "But the Foundation does keep us going. It makes you feel good helping others."

The family of Joshua Ammirato, who drove the car during the morning of the accident, could not be reached for comment.

The four families each have gained some measure of solace from helping others and keeping those they lost part of their everyday conversations. They recommend other families facing similar losses do the same.

For Sharon Lindsey, some healing came from helping to head the creation of the 5-acre Memories of Missing Smiles, or MOMS, Park in 2011. The park commemorates the loss of all Marion County children.

"Do something that will last beyond your lifetime," Lindsey said. "Make a plaque, plant a tree."

Helping to organize the park movement, Lindsey said, gave her purpose and a reason to get out of bed.

She also helps solicit scholarship donations in her son's name.

Casey's Foundation has doled out at least 35 scholarships to needy students. Patti Casey also takes donations at her Le-Lo's Attic antique shop and gives the proceeds to the foundation, she said.

Wilson joined a bereavement group after her son died.

"That gave me hope ... to see there were people who had terrible tragedies but have gone on with their lives, which you have to," she said.

And when it's time to tell her story about Isaac, Wilson said she tries to console others and show that her life went on.

Some of the families filed lawsuits. All of the cases are now closed.

People often don't know what to say to grieving parents, said family members.

"No one can realize how it feels until it happens. And people don't know what to say to you or what to do. People totally turn off," Dawe said.

Lindsey said the best thing friends can do is just listen.

"Don't tell (grieving parents) everything is going to be all right because it's not," Lindsey said. "Don't tell them that God has taken (your child) and they're in a better place. The best thing they can say is ‘There are just no words I can say right now.'

"Also, stick close to your mate. You can't let a death like this divide you," she said.

Friends should offer to help with everyday household chores, Wilson said, because grieving parents often neglect themselves.

She recommends staying active and involved in community organizations that help others.

"And take care of yourself because you want to be healthy and alert to get through the next few months that will be the worst in your life," Wilson said.

Also let others help keep your child's memories alive, they said.

Stefan Meisse, owner of Crawling Panther tattoo, is doing a mural at the crash site. The mural is similar to Hime's first tattoo, which Meisse also inked on him years ago.

Meisse said he agreed because he remembered Hime as a friendly young man. He also remembered the dozens of people who got memorial tattoos in the victims' honor.

"And I think it affected me, his passing like that," Meisse said.

Dana Spencer is North Marion High School's student activities director. Three of the Jumbolair crash victims graduated from the school.

The high school's students oversee Drive For Life, a series of driver safety lectures and demonstrations.

The program began in 2010. The Florida Legislature is considering requiring similar programs in all Florida schools.

"That (Jumbolair) accident ... was the catalyst that started the conversation (that led top Drive For Life)," Spencer said.

The school saw 10 students or former students die in traffic accidents in five years. Spencer said Jumbolair crash victims families attend the programs and speak to students.

"(The program) is the most powerful thing I've witnessed in education," Spencer said.

Marsha Dawe thinks the crash site, "reminds people how traffic accidents happen." Lindsey said her last thing she said to her son was "I love you. I'm glad you're my son."

Her advice to all parents:

"Make sure you tell your children you love them," she said, "because they may not be there the next day."

<p>Five years ago this Saturday, five young Marion County men climbed into a high-performance BMW and sped down a private airstrip at Jumbolair, an exclusive aviation community in Anthony north of Ocala.</p><p>Traveling at an estimated 120 mph, the BMW vaulted off the end of the raised runway and slammed into a stand of trees 166 feet away. All five friends died instantly.</p><hr />
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<hr /><p>While it took just seconds for the young men to perish, it has taken years for their families to come to terms with their deaths, each in their own way.</p><p>The men's families say they are in different stages of grief. Some have managed to push their lives forward; some admit to being stuck at times in their grief.</p><p>"You never get over it. You just try to cope with it," said Kelly Wilson, the mother of 20-year-old Isaac Rubin, who was a passenger in the rear of the car. "There's no undoing it."</p><p>"It was four years before I fully accepted his death ... before I could move on to a new normal," Wilson said. "I will never be pre-Isaac again. I will always have a hole in my heart ... and I accept I will never see him again."</p><p>Wilson, who has two children, 12 and 14, said that initially she talked only of the accident, but as time passed "I wanted to hear other people tell me about Isaac. I have started to enjoy life again, but it's just dimmer," she said. "I don't want to talk about him any less. He was my son."</p><p>Wilson recommends families in similar situations talk about the loved ones they've lost and urges family friends to listen.</p><p>"If you don't talk about him, then when his name is mentioned, all that emotion comes up. Now I can talk about him and smile," Wilson said.</p><p>Sharon Lindsey can't smile.</p><p>"This was a test of my faith and I failed it," said Lindsey, the mother of James Devon Hime, 19, the front-seat passenger. "I failed ... by not holding onto the things I believed in. I'm still mad at God.</p><p>"I miss my son, I miss my son, I miss my son," she said angrily and beginning to sob. "I haven't gotten through this. I'm still grieving."</p><p>Gary Lindsey convinced Sharon to leave Anthony and move to Georgia. Gary Lindsey took an early retirement from the Marion County School District. Sharon Lindsey quit her job as salesperson for Kraft General Foods.</p><p>But a couple of years later, Sharon and Gary Lindsey returned to Anthony.</p><p>"I wanted to be close to my son," she said.</p><p>Lindsey also sees a counselor.</p><p>She visits his Anthony grave and frequently asks him why he entered the car and why it couldn't have been someone else's child.</p><p>She said she still blames herself sometimes for her son's death and that she should have made sure her son was safely home at the time of the 3:40 a.m. crash.</p><p>Marsha Dawe had a plan to adjust to life without her son, James Dustin Dawe: "I tried to work myself to death," she said . "But ... it just took my time up."</p><p>"I thought that if I worked hard enough I'd die. But after about two and a half years I just worked my butt off."</p><p>Life goes on around you, she said.</p><p>"You've got to keep breathing. You're going to wake up the next day and what you do with it is what you do with it," Dawe said. "I didn't die, my son did. I've got to go on. I have to pay the electric."</p><p>Patti Casey, grandmother of passenger Jacob Casey, 19, spearheads the Jacob Casey Foundation, which gives college scholarships.</p><p>"Our lives have changed forever. The grieving process goes on forever. It never ends," she said. "But the Foundation does keep us going. It makes you feel good helping others."</p><p>The family of Joshua Ammirato, who drove the car during the morning of the accident, could not be reached for comment.</p><p>The four families each have gained some measure of solace from helping others and keeping those they lost part of their everyday conversations. They recommend other families facing similar losses do the same.</p><p>For Sharon Lindsey, some healing came from helping to head the creation of the 5-acre Memories of Missing Smiles, or MOMS, Park in 2011. The park commemorates the loss of all Marion County children.</p><p>"Do something that will last beyond your lifetime," Lindsey said. "Make a plaque, plant a tree."</p><p>Helping to organize the park movement, Lindsey said, gave her purpose and a reason to get out of bed.</p><p>She also helps solicit scholarship donations in her son's name.</p><p>Casey's Foundation has doled out at least 35 scholarships to needy students. Patti Casey also takes donations at her Le-Lo's Attic antique shop and gives the proceeds to the foundation, she said.</p><p>Wilson joined a bereavement group after her son died.</p><p>"That gave me hope ... to see there were people who had terrible tragedies but have gone on with their lives, which you have to," she said.</p><p>And when it's time to tell her story about Isaac, Wilson said she tries to console others and show that her life went on.</p><p>Some of the families filed lawsuits. All of the cases are now closed.</p><p>People often don't know what to say to grieving parents, said family members.</p><p>"No one can realize how it feels until it happens. And people don't know what to say to you or what to do. People totally turn off," Dawe said.</p><p>Lindsey said the best thing friends can do is just listen.</p><p>"Don't tell (grieving parents) everything is going to be all right because it's not," Lindsey said. "Don't tell them that God has taken (your child) and they're in a better place. The best thing they can say is 'There are just no words I can say right now.'</p><p>"Also, stick close to your mate. You can't let a death like this divide you," she said.</p><p>Friends should offer to help with everyday household chores, Wilson said, because grieving parents often neglect themselves.</p><p>She recommends staying active and involved in community organizations that help others.</p><p>"And take care of yourself because you want to be healthy and alert to get through the next few months that will be the worst in your life," Wilson said.</p><p>Also let others help keep your child's memories alive, they said.</p><p>Stefan Meisse, owner of Crawling Panther tattoo, is doing a mural at the crash site. The mural is similar to Hime's first tattoo, which Meisse also inked on him years ago.</p><p>Meisse said he agreed because he remembered Hime as a friendly young man. He also remembered the dozens of people who got memorial tattoos in the victims' honor.</p><p>"And I think it affected me, his passing like that," Meisse said.</p><p>Dana Spencer is North Marion High School's student activities director. Three of the Jumbolair crash victims graduated from the school.</p><p>The high school's students oversee Drive For Life, a series of driver safety lectures and demonstrations.</p><p>The program began in 2010. The Florida Legislature is considering requiring similar programs in all Florida schools.</p><p>"That (Jumbolair) accident ... was the catalyst that started the conversation (that led top Drive For Life)," Spencer said.</p><p>The school saw 10 students or former students die in traffic accidents in five years. Spencer said Jumbolair crash victims families attend the programs and speak to students.</p><p>"(The program) is the most powerful thing I've witnessed in education," Spencer said.</p><p>Marsha Dawe thinks the crash site, "reminds people how traffic accidents happen." Lindsey said her last thing she said to her son was "I love you. I'm glad you're my son."</p><p>Her advice to all parents:</p><p>"Make sure you tell your children you love them," she said, "because they may not be there the next day."</p><p><i>Contact Fred Hiers at 867-4157 or fred.hiers@starbanner.com.</i></p>