Now You Can Buy Your Lonely Parents A Totally Terrifying Robot Cat

Now that your own home is in a constant state of happy buzzing, you might have a little more sympathy for your parents if they struggled at one point with the whole “empty nest syndrome” thing. But, if getting all depressed once your kids grow up and move out doesn’t seem ridiculous, the new solution that toy giant Hasbro just announced most certainly is: Joy For All Companion Pets, a terrifyingly lifelike robot cat designed for lonely seniors.

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The company’s ads for the cats look like something produced by The Onion, but Hasbro is totally straight-faced about it. The cats (apparently) “inspire smiles, laughter, and fond memories,” they come in 3 colors, and they can nuzzle, roll over, and purr when you pet them. And, unlike a real cat, which secretly plots to kill you when you ignore it, this one shuts itself off after 5 minutes.

The Joy For All Companion Pets go for $100 and don’t need shots, so it’s actually a bargain compared to the real thing. That said, it seems unlikely the cats could succeed in their stated purpose, because what could possibly be lonelier than realizing the soft, purring thing that you’re petting is actually a bunch of bolts, batteries, and circuit boards covered in fake fur?