Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is a chronic medical condition that can put a strain on social relationships. If you have a friend, family member or partner with IBS, you may find it hard to support them. To help them manage this chronic medical condition, it is best to empower their decision-making and show your unconditional love and support. In addition, it is wise to integrate some flexibility into your schedule so that you can accommodate IBS-related schedule changes. Finally, educating yourself about IBS, planning ahead, and being there through difficult circumstances can be important ways of offering help to someone with IBS.

Steps

Method1

Fostering a Healthy Relationship

1

Educate yourself about their condition. If you are unfamiliar with IBS, it is important to teach yourself a bit about it so that you have a better sense of what your friend is going through. IBS is a chronic medical condition that impacts the colon or large intestine. It is associated with unpleasant symptoms such as abdominal pain, bloating, diarrhea, gas, and constipation. Although symptoms can be severe, many people are able to manage this chronic condition with the right approach to diet, lifestyle, and stress management.[1] If you want to learn more about IBS, check out some of the useful health and lifestyle books on the topic:

Communicate your love and support. Tell your friend, family member or partner with IBS that you love and support them no matter what. It is important to communicate your care and support so that they don’t feel like they are a burden.[4] For example, you might try saying:

"I know things have been hard lately. I just want you to know I am here for you no matter what. If things get rough, just let me know."

3

Empower their decision-making. Let your friend, partner, or family member with IBS decide what, when, and how to eat. They have the experience of dealing with IBS to know what foods cause problems and how to manage their diet to reduce symptoms. Therefore, it is best to empower your loved ones’ IBS decision-making.[5]

Try telling them: "Why don't you decide on a recipe for dinner. I am open to whatever, so go ahead and choose something that you think might be good for your stomach."

If you are worried about your friend or partner’s decision-making, perhaps ask if they have spoken to their doctor lately. It is best to leave IBS related concerns to a health professional.

4

Offer your help. IBS can be incredibly inconvenient and can disrupt everyday plans in unpredictable ways. If they experience symptoms and need help to watch the kids or do a chore, you should offer your help. They will be grateful and you will deepen your friendship.[6] You might try saying:

"If you ever need help with the kids or with dinner in a pinch, I can always drop by and help. I would really like to help out."

"Do you need any help with chores this weekend?"

"Do you need any help watching the kids while you are at the hospital?"

5

Reduce conflict in the relationship. Relationship conflict can intensify IBS symptoms. If you are in a relationship with someone with IBS, you should take measures to manage any conflict in the relationship. The following conflict management tips may help manage conflict and related IBS symptoms:[7]

Do not yell.

Avoid name calling.

Start and end each conversation with an affirmative statement of care and support.

Avoid using swear words.

Apologize.

Focus on what is right as opposed to who is right or wrong.

6

Avoid joking about the condition. Avoid making snarky jokes about how long they have been in the bathroom or otherwise making impolite jokes about IBS. These jokes will hurt their feelings and make them feel uncomfortable. If you joke about their condition, they may not want to spend time with you.[8] You should also avoid making presumptuous comments or suggestions about their condition.

Avoid silly jokes that belittle or demean. When your friend with IBS comes out of the bathroom, you might want to avoid asking your friend, “Did you fall in?”

Avoid snarky comments. For example, when your friend with IBS comes back to the dinner table, don’t say “wow, you’ve been gone a long time!”

Avoid making presumptuous suggestions. For example, don’t assume that you know the cure for their condition by saying “I bought this gluten-free bread specifically for you” or “I heard about a new pill at the health food store.” It is presumptuous to make suggestions for something you likely know a great deal less about than your friend with IBS.

Method2

Being There for Them in Difficult Circumstances

1

Ask them how they are doing. People with IBS have good days and bad days. One way to be there for them is to check in with them. See how they are doing and whether you can be of any assistance. You might try asking:[9]

“How was your day?”

“What do you feel like doing today?”

How is your new diet working?”

2

Visit them in the hospital. If they become hospitalized, remember to pay them a visit. Bring flowers and remind them that they are not their condition. At this time, it is especially important to communicate your care and support.

Tell them: “I care so much about you. I will be here when you get out to help you get settled back into your apartment. It might take some time, but you can definitely get over the worst of this and get back to your normal life.”

3

Listen to their office troubles. If they have a lot of trouble at work because of their IBS, remember to listen to their stories and be there for them. Work life can be especially difficult for people with IBS and they may not have people who listen to them or understand their experience at work. So it is important to offer an attentive and empathetic ear.[10] You might try asking:

"How did your meeting go this afternoon?"

"How are things going at the office?"

"Do you get any home work days with your new job?"

Method3

Maintaining Flexibility

1

Let them choose the restaurant. They know the food that they can handle and the food that gives them the most trouble. They also know which restaurants and cafes have accessible washrooms that meet their needs. Given this experience, you should let them choose the restaurant for your meeting, date, or event.[11] Communicate your openness to their decisions by saying:

"Why don't you choose the restaurant tonight"

"Is there a cafe that works well for you?

Where do you think we should eat tonight?"

2

Be open to last minute changes. If they need to cancel an event or change a dinner reservation, try to be open to the change. People with IBS experience symptoms that cannot be ignored and often result in scheduling changes. It is best to incorporate some flexibility into your schedule in order to accommodate their unique needs.[12] If they have to change a scheduled event, you might try saying:

"No problem. We can totally do this another day."

"That's fine, I totally understand your situation. Why don't you get in touch later about a day that works better for you."

3

Stop to find a washroom. If you are driving with them, remember that you may need to stop in random places to find a bathroom. If you are planning ahead, try to think of routes with accessible washrooms. In this manner, you can offer tips on bathroom locations when the time arises during your trip.[13]

Download a mobile application that helps you find bathrooms. For example, you might try using Toilet Finder, Where to Wee, or Sit or Squat. You can download apps for both the iphone and android devices.[14]

If you are planning a trip to a different city, ask your travel agent if they have any information or maps of publicly available washrooms and restaurants with facilities.

4

Plan vacations with their needs in mind. If you are planning a vacation with someone who has IBS, remember to plan appropriately. You should travel to somewhere that they anticipate enjoying and take appropriate precautions. Check for travel advisories on government websites, make sure there are adequate washroom and medical facilities, and avoid trying to pack too many events into each day of your trip.[15]

You can check for travel advisories at the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention Website.[16]