Alistair: Well, of course you can, son -- a
little help from me, a little training. Lesson one is the only thing worth
striving for is profit. Ok?

Little Ethan: Mommy?

Theresa: I'm right here, sweetheart.

Ivy: This is monstrous.

Tabitha: Isn't it, though?

Fox: If you think that I'm going to let my
chance to take over the Crane empire just slip through my fingers, you got --

Chad: Whoa, whoa, slow down. I got just as
good a chance of taking over Crane as you do.

Alistair: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, nothing.
Neither one of you is going to take over anything. Not a son, not a daughter,
not a grandson, not a granddaughter, not a cousin, not anyone legitimate, not a
bastard! You've all been cut out of my fortune. I made a new will. From this day
forward, none of you get one red cent from me.

Alistair: Hmm. Well, you're not going to
starve, Ivy. Julian's trust fund is still intact, along with some of my former
heirs'. But then again, if you live a life like Fox and have already gone
through your trust fund, you can always find work at Crane Iindustries doing
something. All you have to do is produce. If you don't produce, I'll fire you
just like everyone else. Oh, and, Ethan, Ethan, when you have to fire somebody
for the first time, it's a delicious feeling. It really is.

Katherine: Alistair, leave the child alone.

Alistair: I want to hear three cheers for my
new adopted son and heir, little Ethan and the next chairman of the board. Rah!
Rah! And rah!

Chris: Sheridan, I need an answer. Do I call
the F.B.I. and cancel the search or not?

Sheridan: No. No, don't tell them to cancel
it. Whatever happens between Luis and myself, he needs to come home, he needs to
be with his family.

Chris: Right, as long as you've made a
decision.

Sheridan: I just hope it's the right one.
Hey, who knows, maybe he'll have Marty with him when he comes home.

Julian: Why don't you go to your mother. Go
on. You've lost what is left of your malignant mind, Father. There is no way in
hell you're going to adopt my son.

Alistair: There's no way you can stop me,
Julian.

Sheridan: Sam.

Sam: Sheridan.

Sheridan: What'd we miss?

Sam: Oh. Well, brace yourself. Alistair has
decided to adopt little Ethan and make him heir apparent to the Crane empire.

Chris: That little boy?

Sheridan: That's Luis' nephew, Theresa's son
by Julian. He's making him his heir?

Sam: Sheridan, you still have your trust
fund, right?

Sheridan: Yeah, of course.

Sam: Good, because except for the trust
funds, Alistair also said that everyone in the entire family is cut off from any
further income from Crane.

Sheridan: Wow. After all his threats, he's
finally done it.

Julian: The boy already has a father -- me.

Alistair: Is this -- is this one of your
feeble jokes, Julian, hmm? I do what I want to do. In fact, all it takes is one
phone call and I'll have you declared as an unfit father. Good lord, man. You
had your black mistress, your estranged wife, and the actual mother of the child
at the mansion all at the same time.

Julian: Theresa was there at your bidding.

Alistair: Oh, but the courts will believe
what I tell them to believe. But I could make another call, too, about that
luscious Eve Russell, have her sent back to jail tonight.

Julian: You best leave Eve out of this.

Alistair: You are a fool. A real fool. You
are becoming the Crane clan court jester. I mean, not even one of Rebecca's pool
boys would sign a legal document without reading it first, but, of course, you
did. And especially when you got it from that malicious little tramp. Have you
told your black whore yet that she'll never become your wife?

Eve: Are you all right? What did he say?

Eve: Julian, what's going on? What is going
on with Rebecca? I saw you speaking with her earlier. What's she done?

Guard: Come on, sweetheart, confess. We know
what you had in the bag. If you admit to what you were smuggling, I'll make sure
you get leniency. But if you keep denying what you tried to bring into the
country, we'll throw the book at you.

Roberto: Oh, that's ridiculous. She's an
American citizen.

Guard: And you're not, so I'd pipe down,
punk, if I were you.

Paloma: Don't you dare speak to him that way.
Nothing was in my bag for you to find. Nothing. No contraband. Leave us alone.

Guard: Ok, amiga. If that's the way you want
to play it. I'll have to place you under arrest.

Noah: Hey, hey, you still have your trust
fund, right, which I'm sure is larger than the budget of most small countries.

Fancy: I need a drink.

Noah: Wow. I knew money was important to
Fancy, but does it mean more to her than I do?

Chris: You must be pretty shaken up, your old
man adopting that little kid and cutting you off as his heir.

Sheridan: Oh, don't shed any tears for me. I
still have my trust fund, although I hardly ever use my income. After I met Luis
and realized the extent of my father's evil, I felt guilty being the beneficiary
to the Crane blood money. It's that poor little guy I'm worried about. He has no
idea what the future holds for him. The tabloids are going to make him out to be
a real-life Ritchie Rich, and to have Alistair Crane as his father, that's going
to be pure torment. I know. God help him.

Chris: Well, I'm going to go and check on the
search for Luis. You sure you don't want me to have them call it off?

Sheridan: No. If Luis comes home, maybe he
can knock some sense into Theresa.

Chris: Yeah.

Alistair: And just how is my beautiful bride?

Theresa: Why are you adopting my son?

Gwen: Look at them. I mean, this is -- you
know, this is obscene, and now little Ethan as Alistair's heir? Honey, do you
have any idea how much power Theresa has now?

Ethan: Don't overreact.

Gwen: Don't overreact? Ok, as Alistair's
wife, Ethan, she can do whatever she wants. She can do anything. The first thing
she's going to do is take Jane away from us and then she's going to take you
away from me. I know she will.

Ethan: Stop.

Chad: I can't believe he'd do this to his own
family.

Fox: I'm family, Chad. What the hell is this,
huh? I can't believe this is happening again.

Fox: Oh, I would love to. Once again, another
bastard son comes in and takes what's rightfully mine.

Kay: Stop, stop.

Chad: No, no, hold up a second. I'm just as
much a Crane as you are, all right?

Fox: You know what, Chad? You are a nothing
from the streets, all right?

Julian: All right, now, that is not called
for, Fox.

Chad: And I can fight my own battles, Father.

Julian: All right, stop it.

Chad: Look, all this talk about brothers
sticking together was crap. Well, you just watch me. I'm going to climb the
Crane ladder so quick it's going to make your head spin. Oh, and then I'm going
to fire your ass.

Fox: You're -- yeah, that'll happen.

Eve: Please, will you calm down? You're not
thinking.

Valerie: Tell him, Chad.

Fox: Get out of my way.

Chad: No, you don't touch me.

Alistair: What marvelous entertainment on our
wedding day.

Jessica: Not so fast. These heels --

Simone: Is anyone after us?

Jessica: I don't think so. Oh, God. I thought
we were going to be killed. I mean, that cop shot off the lock.

Simone: Ok, ok. We got to get rid of these
bloody sheets and your bloody clothes and the murder weapon. We can't be caught
with the murder weapon.

Jessica: Oh, God. The murder weapon.

Simone: Jessica, wake up. We have to get rid
of this stuff. It is evidence. It could land you in prison.

Jessica: Ok, last time we threw it off the
wharf into the bay.

Simone: What?

Jessica: Yeah. I mean, I've heard the other
girls say that's what people do when then want to get rid of stuff.

Simone: Well, that is so stupid, because
stuff like this washes right back up to shore. We have to destroy it. And we
need transportation. Ok, we can't take a bus or a cab because we're too
conspicuous. Who can we call to come pick us up?

Jessica: Spike?

Simone: Are you kidding me? Spike is the
reason that we're in this mess. And now you can't see him ever again. Do you
understand? I know. I know. There's one person I know who can help us.

Sam: Hey, hey! That's enough!

T.C.: Stop it, you two idiots!

Julian: Don't you realize this is what
Alistair wants -- his entire family all fighting with each other?

T.C.: Kay, get him out of here.

Kay: Ok. Ok, let's go, let's go.

Valerie: Chad, come with me. I'll clean you
up.

Kay: Are you ok?

Fox: I'm always ok.

Tabitha: Oh. Not here, sweetie pie. Now, your
half brothers will be all right, Endora. Don't you worry. Huh. More's the pity.
Hmm. Wouldn't Fox be upset if he realized that there's yet another Crane heir in
the room? Don't worry, sweet pea. Mommy will make sure you get your piece of the
pie. Don't you underestimate your old mother. Now, let's just have a good time,
shall we? Isn't this a marvelous wedding? So many dreams destroyed, so many
hopes coming crashing down? And the food's good, too.

Alistair: Look at them, darling -- our son
and heir. At least someone is enjoying themselves this evening.

Theresa: Why do you want little Ethan? He is
my son.

Alistair: Exactly. He's going to have to live
down your lineage, of course. You know, there are certain qualities that you do
possess that I wish had been present in my former heirs. And with a little bit
of luck, little Ethan will inherit some of your junkyard tenaciousness.

Theresa: You can't have him. Edie? Excuse me.
Can you please take my son home? He's very tired, and he needs to sleep.

Alistair: No. No, he's a Crane. He has to
learn life's lessons --

Theresa: Edie?

Alistair: And sometimes sleep is not an
option.

Theresa: Please take him home.

Edie: Sir?

Alistair: No. He stays. You take him
somewhere, fill him up with anything he wants, but he does not leave here until
I say so. Thank you, Edie. And as for you, my love -- mmm. You are the one who's
going to be sleep deprived. Now, tonight is our wedding night. I've got great
big plans for you.

Theresa: You know what?

Alistair: What?

Theresa: You can do anything that you want to
me. You leave my son alone. You do not need him.

Alistair: Yes, I do. I need an heir.

Theresa: You have lots of heirs. Why little
Ethan?

Alistair: Because those other heirs were
despicable.

Theresa: They're good people, Alistair.

Alistair: That's the point. I don't need good
people. Little Ethan to me is like a piece of clay. I can mold him. I can turn
him into a true Crane just like me.

Rebecca: Oh, thank you, Lars. You know, it's
always such a thrill to have you serve me.

Lars: Mrs. Crane, your husband is right over
there.

Rebecca: Oh. Don't worry about him. I can do
whatever I want now without fear of reprisal.

Lars: Right out here in public?

Rebecca: Oh, honey, in front of God and
everybody. Oh, but don't count on that three-bedroom condo. I'm afraid it's only
going to be a two-bedroom. It would seem I'm on a budget.

Eve: What's going on with Rebecca? Julian, is
there something that you need to tell me?

Valerie: What is it, Ivy?

Ivy: Oh, Valerie, what a night. Such awful,
awful news. Poor Chad and Fox -- their jobs up in the air. Oh. It's not fair.

Valerie: Chad's a natural. He'll be just
fine.

Ivy: Maybe. Hmm. But poor Fox. Oh, did you
see the way he went after his grandfather? He has such anger. Who knows what
that malicious Kay will be able to talk him into. You'd better watch your back,
Valerie.

Kay: I'm sorry. I know you wanted to be
Alistair's heir more than anything.

Fox: Yeah, I did. Well, as long as I have you
by my side, I'm going to make things right.

Kay: With all that's on your mind, you still
think of me.

Fox's voice: You'll be at my side when I take
my birthright back -- by force, if need be.

Tabitha: Hmm.

[Endora babbles]

Tabitha: Look at poison Ivy go, Endora. If I
didn't know better, I'd say she was a card-carrying member of the dark side. In
time, my pet. In time. Kay is not the only Bennett female in trouble right now.
Her sister Jessica is in very hot water. Oh, look. And I thought our special
night of pain was at the end of October. Waiter! This calls for more champagne,
Endora. Cheers.

[Phone rings]

Sam: Sam Bennett.

Officer Pratchett: Chief, it's Ben Pratchett.

Sam: Oh -- I'm not the chief anymore, Ben,
remember?

Ben: Look, maybe I'm barking up the wrong
tree, but I'm at a crime scene at the Willard Motel -- a murder. And I think you
should know about it.

Sam: A murder? Why would you tell me? I'm not
a cop anymore.

Ben: This motel -- it rents rooms by the
hour. You know what I mean? Well, anyways, I just talked to the clerk at the
front desk, and it sounds like he rented the room to a hooker and her john. The
john's dead, stabbed to death. And the hooker -- it sounds like it could be
Jessica.

Sam: Dear God.

Ben: I'm sorry. The physical description
matched. Look, chief, I know Alistair Crane's been out to get you and your
family lately. It could be he's behind this, some sort of setup.

Julian's voice: Oh, dear God. I can never
tell Eve Rebecca forced me to sign a contract saying I'd never divorce her.
There's got to be a way to get out of it.

Paloma: What have you done? What's in there?

Jessica: Blood. Lots and lots of blood.

Paloma: What happened?

Simone: Ok, a long story short -- Jessica was
in a motel room with some guy, and she took some drugs and then passed out.

Jessica: Because I'm a hooker. That's what I
do now. A lousy job.

Simone: Don't ask. I'll explain later. Shut
up, Jessica. Ok, when she woke up, the guy was dead, stabbed with this. And she
doesn't remember because of the drugs.

Paloma: You killed a man?

Jessica: Yes.

Simone: No. Who knows, ok? All I do know is
that Alistair Crane has declared war on her whole family. He set Noah up on drug
possession charges. And Chief Bennett is no longer chief of police and is being
investigated for some trumped-up corruption charges.

Paloma: What? What's happened here? I've only
been gone for a few weeks.

Simone: Yeah, well, things have changed a
lot. And you know what I think? I think Alistair Crane had that guy killed so he
could frame Jessica for murder.

Alistair: I certainly hope that all of you
are enjoying my hospitality and my wife's. And I trust that my interesting news
earlier this evening sparked pretty lively conversation. Oh, come on, people,
this is a party. Let's have some fun, huh? There's delectable food. There's
music. I want everyone to enjoy themselves, but, first, before I turn the
microphone over to our M.C., Tom, I want to thank each and every one of you for
your sincere best wishes on my wedding this evening. Here you go, Tom.

Tom: Ok! Welcome to the Seascape. Got a lot
of great tunes on tap for you, and the D.J. will take requests. But for our
first dance, let's keep the floor clear as I introduce to you Mr. and Mrs.
Alistair Crane.

Singer: True love true love so on and on
it'll always be true love true love

Tabitha: Well, you're the designated driver
tonight, Endora. I just have to celebrate a night of evil such as this. Oh,
isn't it delicious? Look at them. Oh -- oh, this is truly a marriage made in
hell.

Singer: But to give to you and to give to me
love forever true

Singers: For you and I have a guardian angel
on high

Fancy: Oh, this is disgusting. She's not much
older than I am.

Noah: The whole world's going to think she's
the most successful gold digger in history.

Fancy: She's digging my gold, thank you very
much.

Noah: Does being cut out of Alistair's will
really mean that much to you? You still have your trust fund, right?

Fancy: Compared to what I could get if I was
still in the will? It's nothing. Nothing. Oh, no, I'll end up packing tuna in
the cannery, or folding sheets with Sheridan at the B&B.

Sheridan: I knew my father was low, but he's
reached new depths. This is insane. What is Theresa thinking?

Chris: What does this all mean?

Sheridan: I don't know. My father can keep
his money. His days are numbered, anyhow. When Luis comes home, there's going to
be big trouble. My father's already stolen our baby. I can only imagine what
Luis will do when he finds out that my father has corrupted Theresa. Did you
hear anything from the F.B.I. search?

Chris: Sheridan --

Sheridan: What? What is it? Is Luis all
right?

Larry: You know, someday, one of them
passengers is going to complain about you to the feds. And then where will you
be? Up on charges, most likely.

Guard: I'm telling you, something was fishy
about those two. I'll call Harmony P.D., have them stop Ms. Lopez-Fitzgerald on
her way home. I want to search that bag one more time.

Paloma: Alistair Crane? The monster who
ruined my family is trying to frame Jessica for murder?

Simone: Yeah, it's only a theory, but I have
a sneaking feeling he's involved.

Jessica: Paloma, help me. I don't want to go
to jail. I'm a serial murderer. They'll give me the chair.

Simone: Ignore her. She's stoned. Jessica, I
swear, if you don't shut up, I'm going to shove these down your throat. We got
to get out of here. We almost got caught at the motel back there by that cop.
And by now, he's put out a call to the entire force for sure.

Paloma: If I help you, will Alistair Crane be
angry with me?

Simone: Maybe.

Paloma: That old man almost got me killed
down in Mexico. I'll be glad to help you. Let's go.

Jessica: Oh.

[Sirens]

[Jessica gasps]

Jessica: Oh, my God! It's the cops! I'm going
to be caught!

Singer: I give to you

Tom: Come on, everybody dance! It's a
wedding!

Katherine: Whitney, when you go back to the
convent tonight, will you do something for me?

Whitney: Yeah, yeah, of course I will.

Katherine: Pray. Pray for your friend,
because she has no idea the danger she's in.

Rebecca: Oh, I hope they do the chicken
dance. That's always my favorite.

Gwen: This is no time to joke, all right?

Rebecca: Well, I wasn't joking. Huh.

Theresa: Can we please stop this?

Alistair: Oh, don't be absurd. I want
everyone to stare at the new Mrs. Crane. I want them to stare at the new heir to
my fortune, my son, little Ethan Crane. Hmm.

Singer: You give to me love forever

Sheridan: What's wrong? Is Luis hurt? Is he
--

Chris: Calm down, Sheridan. I haven't heard
anything definite from the F.B.I. They just said as soon as they find him, they
will bring him back to Harmony.

Sheridan: I'm just sorry Luis didn't get here
before Theresa married Alistair. I know he could have stopped her. You better
watch your back, Father, because when Luis gets home, you're a dead man.

Singer: With nothing to do

Theresa: I can't do this. Everyone here hates
me.

Alistair: Oh, half of them hated you before
we got married.

Little Ethan: Don't say mean things to my
mommy.

Alistair: Oh -- listen, boy. Now, the first
rule is you never talk back to me, ok? Uh-uh-uh.

Singers: For you and I have a guardian angel
on high with nothing to do

Gwen: Honey, we should go to the mansion,
grab Jane, and leave town right now.

Ethan: We are not going to run away.

Gwen: Why not? Theresa is Alistair's wife.
She can do whatever she wants, she can have whatever she wants, and she wants
Jane and she wants you.

Ethan: Wait, wait. Don't you know there's no
way she could take me away from you?

Gwen: I've heard that before. At least will
you please go talk to her? She will actually listen to you.

Ethan: I will try. You know, I can't believe
you're asking me to go talk to her two times in one night.

Gwen: Oh, Ethan, these are -- these are
desperate measures. Look at her. Look at her.

Gwen: Honey, she looks as scared as I do. I
mean, she had no idea Alistair wanted to adopt little Ethan. Will you please go
talk to her and stop this before it gets any worse?

Ethan: Mrs. Crane?

Theresa: Don't be cruel.

Ethan: I'm sorry, but somebody has got to get
through to you right now. Do you understand that Alistair is going to adopt
little Ethan?

Theresa: Yes, I understand. But I didn't know
that he was going to do it.

Ethan: Yeah, I figured that, but you listen
to me. You listen to me more than you've ever listened to me in your life,
Theresa. Time is running out here. So you stop this and you stop it now.

On the Next Passions:

Tabitha: There's plenty of pain and agony in
store for the citizens of Harmony.

Sheridan: When Luis finds out about Theresa
and Alistair, all hell's going to break loose.