Monday, 1 April 2013

The journey of Zalia Sky:: Part 1

It took seven months to create you, to have your little soul begin to find life within my tummy. It took me 40 weeks and two days to grow you within my tummy. For your ten little fingers and ten little toes to take their form. Then, on Wednesday the 20th of March, you began your journey towards the light. You awoke me from my sleep at 3 in the morning with a gentle nudge. You were letting me know you were ready to become apart of our world. I held you in my hands and I let you know that I was ready to help you make your journey.The night before, I busied myself cleaning our home in preparation for what was to come. There was something telling me that this was the last time I will be going to bed without a newborn baby in my life. I instantly knew that the feelings I awoke to that morning were the feelings I had been waiting for. They were ten minutes apart which allowed me enough time to sleep in between them. After an hour or so of connecting with you through these sensations I woke up your Daddy to let him know that life was on its way. I told him to go back to sleep for now and that I would wake him if I needed him. I continued to sleep between each sensation until Evelyn woke up at 7:30.

We all got out of bed and followed our normal morning routine while I stopped every 6 or so minutes to breathe my way through each sensation. Daddy fed, dressed and prepared Evelyn for a trip to Aunty Lex's house while I focused on remaining calm and breathing. Before I knew it, Aunty Lex was here to take Evelyn and I felt panicked by the thought that I wouldn't see her again as an only child. I tried to hold her and tell her I loved her but she was excited for play time with her cousins, blew me a kiss and ran to the car. I took myself back inside and started to really focus my attention on every sensation and feeling you sent to me. We laboured together, you and I, for four hours in the comfort of our home. With the help of your Daddy massaging my back and offering me supportive words and encouragement. I moved freely around the house between each sensation trying to find a place that felt comfortable and safe. The sensations became faster, stronger and more intense with each and every one and before long I began to feel the desire to push. Knowing that it would not be long before you graced us with your presence we decided it was time to make our way to the hospital.

As the hospital is within walking distance, we loaded Daddy with the bags and began the walk down the road. Having to stop on the side of the road to breathe through a contraction and then moving again. We made it to the front of the lift before another sensation hit and Mummy had to pause once again. Before I knew it we were in the delivery room and the bath was filling. I used Daddy as a beam of support, resting on his shoulders and listening to his words to make my way through each sensation. At this stage, we asked that the midwives check my progress, wanting to know just how far along we have made it and how far we had to go.

After a short while I decided it was time to immerse myself in the hot water of the bath. Daddy set up the candles and the music and sat by my side, holding my hands and coaching me through my breathing. Reminding me to stay calm, to focus and to visualise myself in the ocean, floating through the pain of every sensation. Your Daddy is the most amazing man, I found myself in a state of panic at one point, truly believing I was unable to deliver you into the world, but with his encouragement and support I was able to find my centre again. I was able to believe in myself, and him, and know that before long we would be able to hold you in our arms.The midwives asked if I would like to know how far along I was after an hour in the bath. I decided that yes, I would. But at this stage my sensations became far more intense and closer together and I felt a real desire to start pushing. To start your journey through the birth canal. I couldn't believe it was time already. I said to your Daddy that it can't be. Its only been just short of two hours. I couldn't comprehend that in two short hours I would have progressed from 4 centimetres to 10. But after more words from you Daddy, more encouragement, he helped me to trust in my body. If my body was telling me to push, then it was time to push.

With each contraction, I began to bear down, using my body to help your body come into the world. Each time that I pushed, the intensity of the sensations would feel less and less. My need to see you emerging into the world became more and more. I became desperate, weak and tired. Begging with Daddy - "I can't, I can't... Is she coming?". The midwives suggested that they break my waters for me, knowing that this was against my birth plan. I begged them, please... anything to get her here. Once my waters broke the pushing became easier. You were no longer disappearing back into my womb but actually working your way through the canal.

When I heard this song begin to play in the background I found within myself a strength that I never knew existed. I took a moment, put my head beneath the water, began to sing beneath my breath. I knew, that it was time, that I had to really begin to fight. My pushes became stronger, desperate to see you. I sat myself up, held Daddy's hand and held the midwives hand, put my chin to my chest and I pushed with all my might. My focus was so very strong that the song began to fade, daddy's voice was in the back ground, all I could hear was my own voice. All I wanted to hear was yours.

You were on my chest. You were crying. I was crying. You were beautiful, big and healthy. I looked to your Daddy and I said we have a baby. And we had the most beautiful baby, with beautiful tiny little ears like your Mumma. With lips like your sister. With dark hair and dark skin. Ten little fingers and ten little toes. You were breath taking. We were breath taking. Together, you and I, you made it into the world.

I held you tight and we moved from the bath to the bed where we cuddled and soaked each other in. While I was wrapped up in all of your beauty the midwives were dashing about trying to work out why your cord was still pulsating and why I was still bleeding. It felt like only ten minutes before they were telling me that there was something wrong and that I may need to go to theatre. It was actually two hours. You were taken from my chest, yet to have your first feed and I was wheeled out of the room...