Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and everyday was as long as a life age of death. But it is not the end, I found life in me... again...
!!! Discipline wanteD !!!

surrounded by crowds doesn't chase away literal loneliness

dear lord embrace me with your blessings

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Sunday, July 21, 2013

I remember not long ago I told myself that I
would never post anything about my personal life, two years ago to be exact (or
three). Instead I would write about mushy melancholic poems, some street
masterpiece of whatever that crossed my mind. Lines by lines and pharaghraphs of
written thoughts nobody can decode. After years now, I feel like I would change
my mind. I need to at least write something about what I do. Well after all,
campus life, friends, studies are not quite personal are they?

The only three posts I had on my clinical
life were during my Community Health, General Surgery, and Internal Medicine
rotations. Afterward I stopped. Don’t talk about time, I would always find
sometime if I really wanted to write. More important reason why I don’t update
entries further related to my clinical life is because I just don’t feel like
it. Everytime I brought myself to hangout longer typing on my keyboard to
update the blog, there’s always an unexplained feeling clouding my head. I can’t
think straight and I just feel like lying on bed. Nobody’s at fault, it’s just
that lately I’m trying hard to cope with my ever stormy emotions; the crying spell,
the feeling of worthlessness, the suicidal thoughts, and the helplessness. Ahh well,
I’m fine now. Don’t worry.

I’ve officially ended my 4th
year and am now having my own sweet time enjoying holidays and celebrating
Ramadhan at home. Couple of months ago I had my Obstetrics and Gynecology, Forensic
Medicine, Entrepreneurship and General Practice postings. I would love to write
about each and every one of them here. But I guess there’s not much memory left
in my head. I’ll try though. Let’s walk down the memory lane for a bit.

The truth is, I hate walking down the
memory lane. I hate to be reminded of the past. Bitter or sweet, memories are
all past tense. And whoever gets too attached to the past will later get entangled
by them and strangled until their emotions left suffocated. So yeah, I’m never
that good with memories.

But anyway, I shouldn’t get too emotional.
I’ll start gathering some flashback and retrospective thoughts of what actually
happened a few months ago and I shall write them down. Pictures. There are a
lot of pictures to help me remember them all.

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