Thursday, January 12, 2012

1. I'm a guy in my 20s. I was born female.

2. My first memory of sexuality was when I was in kindergarten. We were cutting celebrities out of magazines, one girl said "This lady is beautiful" and another girl said "You can't say that, she's a girl." I said "Why does it matter?" I remember wondering what it would be like to kiss the celebrity woman's rose-red lips.

3. In the playground, I vividly remember always being the boy. I didn't get along with my girl friends unless I was playing a prince, or male hero of some kind.

4. When I was 5 years old, I woke up to my best friend's mum's drunken boyfriend licking my vagina. Next thing I remember is my mum's boyfriend yelling, then violence. I remember his blood on the wall. I remember watching him walking away down the street, and me feeling sorry for my best friend. I feel uncomfortable about the memory because of the violence, and only feel awkward about the sexual circumstance because I’m "supposed" to. I've forgiven this stranger.

5. When I was about 7, I was at my mum's friend’s house, being minded by a 16-year-old boy. I thought he was really sweet. He told me he wanted to marry me. I remember him teaching me how to French kiss. His aunt found out and he got "the talk." I never saw him again.

6. When I was 12, I went on a sailing trip with my mum's boyfriend and his son. I loved this man a lot, he was a real dad and knew how to have fun. Unfortunately, he got drunk and started touching me. I was starting to hit puberty, and my body reacted. I wanted to know how it felt. But I knew it was wrong and pushed him away, jumped out of the boat and swam to shore. I remember sitting in the sand and crying all night in the rain, hearing him call out for me across the water. Long story short, police got involved but it went nowhere. I felt terrible about it and really let it affect me for most of my teenage years. When I was about 17, I called the man and told him I forgave him. I don't feel upset thinking of him anymore, but boats and that beach freak me out. I want to go back there and let it go.

7. It's hard to explain why I’m forgiving towards these people. One part of me says I should be angry about what they did. Another part of me knows I'm more upset about the emotional stress rather than the sexual nature of the incidents. I've felt ashamed when I've bought into the horrible belief that "kids who've been fiddled are fucked up." Some people experience far more traumatic stories than mine. I don't feel "damaged" by what happened, and refuse to let that pain be my story because I'm actually okay. To say otherwise would be disrespectful to those for whom it's really scarring. I'd rather understand that these adults made huge mistakes - the idea of them carrying pain when I’m all right bothers me. I don't want to hate them. I won't let their actions control my sexual self-esteem.

8. These experiences caused me to try things I probably wouldn't have, like kissing and playing "sex" with best friends and family before I hit puberty. I felt a lot of regret about these situations and have apologized to some of them, which they then opened up to me about, and instead of feeling ashamed about it, they've been able to let it go.

9. I started masturbating around 12 and would often spend hours pretending there was an imaginary person for me to build up to the "sex" with, putting together an elaborate scene until we finally fucked. I can always make myself come more than anyone else has managed, and it's always thinking about something filthy.

10. Age 14, I had sex but he didn’t pop my cherry. I visited a friend I hadn't seen since primary school. I got drunk for the first time on Jack Daniels and we walked to her older boyfriend’s house. He had a friend over. She went and slept with her boyfriend and me and his friend fooled around on the couch and he fucked me. It was exciting at the time, but he couldn’t keep it inside me and I kept thinking it was meant to feel better than it did. For a long time, I remembered every detail, what he looked like, his name, the music. Now all I've got is the taste of the cherry condom.

11. I had a mix of boyfriends and girlfriends in high school. It felt right with girls as I could be myself (dressing masculine, short hair, etc.), but with my boyfriends, I didn't feel right trying to be a guy with them - trying to use my girl body to get physically close to them always felt backwards. They weren't gay or bi, so we didn't fit. I never had sex with any of my partners until my current partner, they were more like intimate playmates. I'm still friends with all my exes.

12. Men, women, anyone in between; I love them all. Sex is about connections and pleasure, but gender comes last for me. I love people for the sexual organ between their ears. Imagination is what makes a person good in bed. I just go with "queer" and "poly" to make sense for other people. I’m more likely to think about making out with someone and sleeping with them than actually fucking them though.

13. I'm not really a video porn person, but I have gigs of naked art and photos. I love artistic sex. I'm more likely to watch porn that's really whack for interest more than masturbatory reasons. If I want to get off to anything, the sound has to be working. Moaning, whimpering, dirty talk. Mmm. Hearing someone enjoying themselves is more of a turn-on than seeing cum explode everywhere.

14. I'm in love with a beautiful woman. She's genderqueer, playing a boy often, but has no desire to transition physically. From the outside we're a stereotypical heterosexual couple. It's funny how people treat you differently, compared to being a lesbian couple. Funny and stupid.

15. We've been together for years. One night we were wrestling, we starting kissing, and the rest is history. When we decided to date, she said she wanted to try it with a boy one day. Our relationship was open before we knew of such a thing. Funnily enough, she hasn't slept with any cis-boys, and the few times we've been with other people, she's been with girls. She took my virginity a few months into our relationship one night when we were fooling around with ice cubes. It hurt a lot, but I was shaking with pleasure.

16. We had a third person to our relationship and we lived together for a time, and it was the hardest relationship I've ever been in. I learned a lot about wanting to be with someone physically and then wanting another person to share your life with. Even though it hurt a lot to let them go when we realized it wasn't working, we're still friends, and I'd be happy to keep an open mind for another person if they fit.

17. My favourite turn-on ever is role-playing characters. We can play all day, then when we're alone, we finally get to tear each other's clothes off and it's like fucking for the first time. It means we explore a range of sexual desires, kinks and chemistry. We stay playful and this keeps our lust fresh. Plus we grow to understand a range of personality types in the world, and learn lots about what other people find hot. We try it and if we don't like it, no biggie.

19. Once we met this sexy guy at a costume party who was dressed as a character we both liked. He fucked me while she watched. My girl started whispering things in my ear and we secretly played boys while he fucked me.

20. I really like kissing. Touching is important for me, it doesn't have to be sexual, but I love touching people. Showing affection. I love giving blowjobs, worshipping my lover (only two guys, but anytime I've blown girls they lost control.) I've been told I've got magic fingers too.

21. My ultimate pleasure is getting fucked in the ass. I'd be happy with my girl pegging me, but we've struggled to find the right harness/toy that accommodates us both. I get really hot when she plays a dominating person, usually an older guy and there's an element of non-consent. I love the idea of being fucked until I can't walk. I used to be very uncomfortable with this fantasy for obvious reasons. I also had a lot of pain having anything in my boypussy, but since being on testosterone, it doesn't hurt and occasionally I’ll enjoy the feeling there.

22. If I’m topping, I want to know what the other person wants and will listen to what gets them hot and watch their body, doing everything possible to make sure they're loving it. I love making someone else come more than getting myself off. Love it.

23. I used to be feel like a hypocrite being transgender. I told people "be yourself" and "a man with nothing to hide has nothing to fear," yet I was striving to change myself. I felt frustrated because chasing external things to fix things on the inside never works. I've realized gender is different from that. Gender is important to each individual and it's their identity to own and discover, and it's no one else’s business to dictate.

24. I don't identify as trans publicly, but a huge part of me really wants to (make documentaries about gender/sexuality etc) because I think the world is changing, and despite the huge fear of ignorant bigots, I want to share who I really am to hopefully help others feel welcome and understood in society.

25. Sex has been wonderful and scary in my life. Finding this blog has helped my self-esteem a lot. Thanks to the sharers--you’ve shown me I’m pretty normal.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

1) I'm a bisexual young woman and have been out of the closet since 2008. That is also the year that I lost my virginity to the guy who later became my fuckbuddy (and still is).

2) Up until last New Year's I'd had sex with nine different people. I then made a resolution to double that number this year, though it's now the last day of 2011 and i have four more to go. Looks like I'm having an orgy tonight, eh?

3) I am bi, but I've only had sex with one girl. She was my best friend at the time, and we were really drunk. Later, when I came out, she was freaked since she's actually straight and we haven't been friends since. Not that I care, though, not any more at least. I've learned that the friends that stay with me after learning about me fancying girls as well are the friends truly worth having.

4) I've only had one serious relationship in the last three years and I didn't even have sex with him. I'm kinda glad I didn't; our "love" was the biggest joke ever. I still have no idea how we even got together.

5) I don't believe in love being important when it comes to sex, but I would never sleep with someone I don't trust. Which is the advice I give to my still-virgin friends.

6) I love being dominated, but only in bed. Otherwise I'm the one in charge.

7) I like it rough. I love knowing that he (or she) could hurt me really badly, but he (or she) know where I draw the line, and doesn't cross it. It's a trust thing.

8) My fuckbuddy, K, and I recently got back together after him having a girlfriend (who really didn't like me. Wonder why) for almost a year. We celebrated our reunion with having sex for a whole weekend, along with trying anal for the first time. I really liked it and it didn't hurt at all, which surprised me, but I'm still feeling a bit uncomfortable about it so we haven't done it since. Just a bit of fingering during oral, which was amazing.

9) A couple of nights ago I had this incredible sex dream where K was taking me up the ass while someone unknown lay underneath me licking me at the same time. I felt so good I can't even begin to describe it and I was miserable when I had to wake up from it. I told K about it and he promised me that we'll play it out in real life, as soon as I decide who I want number three to be. I'm really losing sleep over this one. Do I want a girl or a boy? A girl would be more fun for both of us, but I kinda have a feeling that the third person in my dream was a guy. Besides, it's a secret fantasy of mine to be pleased by two guys at the same time. Yet I would love having more sexual experiences with women.

10) I adore gay guys. I really do. I watch guy-on-guy porn, and read guy-on-guy erotic short stories. I also love fan-fiction, especially the pairing of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. I think I'm addicted. It's not just the sex thing, though. It's the fact that these men love each other enough and are confident enough not to care about our screwed-up society's prejudices. It's awesome! And cute. And hot.

11) For a short period of time I wanted to be a boy, just so I could have sex with other boys. And make out in public.

12) Oh yeah, my fuckbuddy is also my best friend. When we don't have sex for hours and hours we walk around town for hours and hours and discuss politics. We both have very strong opinions and basically feel the same about most things, but there are enough areas of disagreement for us to piss each other off from time to time. I think it's our chemistry--we have to either have sex or fight.

13) I always use a condom. I haven't even bothered to get another kind of birth control because I know it would give me an excuse to skip the rubber and I really don't want any STDs.

14) I masturbate an average of three times a day, mostly with the fingers of my right hand on my clit and the fingers of my left hand in my ass. This started around the same time as i discovered gay porn.

15) I send and receive dirty pictures more often than I want to admit.

16) I love talking about sex, but the only friends I have around on a regular basis are either virgins or just embarrassed. The only girlfriends I can talk to about the sexy stuff are my beloved cousin who lives two hours away and a friend from school who moved to a city five hours away after graduation. She was in town yesterday, though, so we met at our favorite pub and drank beer and talked loudly about nothing but sex for three hours.

17) I'm not really into older people, but sometimes I come across a really hot man and all I can think is "Oh, I'd like to wrap my legs around that."

18) I love the taste of nipples, it tastes like no other place on the body. Incredible!

19) My fantasy woman is tall, slender, pale, freckled and has long red hair. My fantasy man is tall, kinda slender but with muscles and broad shoulders, tanned, dark-haired, and has a scratchy beard to tickle my neck with.

20) I love being taken from behind with my face in the mattress and his hands pressing down on my lower back until it feels like he is going to snap my spine in half.

21) I've had outdoor sex a lot of times, and every-fucking-time I've ended up with ant bites all over.

22) I often get amused during foreplay and sex, but I try not to laugh openly since I feel it might be offensive. Sometimes they have it coming, though. Like that time K kissed me on the tip of my nose. Guess you could say I'm not the romantic type.

23) My biggest fear in life is getting raped. Just the thought of having someone inside me that I don't want there has me fighting back tears. Every time I read about someone getting raped I can't help but cross my legs and tense every muscle in my lower body. The fact that there's people out there who could actually do that to someone has me equally bemused and infuriated.

24) I think the female body is incredibly beautiful in all its shapes and forms, and that it's only topped by the male body.

25) I have this secret fantasy of becoming a stripper, but I know I would never have the guts to act on it.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

1) I am 18 years old, male, and bisexual.

2) I didn't always know I was bisexual. I didn't get out of denial until a little over a year ago, while I was in my first serious relationship of two years. We ended up splitting soon after. We had already become two different people on different paths. And there was so much I wanted to try that i couldn't have done while being in a relationship. Luckily, we are still best of friends and love each other very much.

3) I would totally have sex with or fall in love with any kind of human, actually. Transgender, transvestite, etc. I love androgyny so much. I love men that look like women especially. Also, women who have beautiful faces and that skinny "boy" body get me hot. And then so does the hourglass woman.

4) I lost my virginity to someone I loved in the woods when I was 16 in the earlier mentioned two-year relationship. We only had vaginal sex once. She wasn't ready... But we had a lot of oral sex. Well, me giving her oral pleasure mostly.

5) Unfortunately, I've had some bad sexual experiences with guys since I "came out." A three-way with a guy I liked and a 40-year-old. And then recently my best friend, who I'm really not attracted to, but I was shit-faced drunk.

6) I'm not very dominant, but i will be when I have to. Which has been more often than I would like.

7) 69'ing is one of my favorite positions.

8) However, I love eating out women. Something about the taste makes me crazy.

9) So far, I am way more into girls than into guys. We will see.

10) Biting, scratching, a little bondage, and most anything kinky gets me hot. I really want to have a woman fuck me with a strap-on. Or a guy just do his thing.

11) I haven't had really good sex yet. Sometimes I have a hard time coming. Probably because I masturbate too much. I'll fix it.

12) I hate the taste of condoms.

13) I love having sex outside. Stoned and outside fucking has something freeing about it.

14) I love having my hair pulled so much.

15) I wish I was a woman.

16) I had sex with this crazy stoner girl who said she came 8 times. I don't know whether or not to believe her. She was a nymphomaniac.

17) I have had sex without a condom, and it's really stupid, and pregnancy scares are awful.

18) I got chlamydia from the crazy stoner nympho girl. I don't regret it. I'm getting rid of it soon. Just need to get those test results back. But still, always check your partner's sexual background before you fuck.

19) I'd most always rather "be fucked" than "fuck someone." I just want to be handled rough.

20) Armpit hair on both genders really turns me on. Same with women with a bush, and hairy legs. Or not. I'm versatile.

21) I really want to have a three-way with a woman and a man. I'd penetrate and be penetrated. Best of both fucking worlds.

22) The best orgasm I've ever had was being orally pleasured and fingered. So intense.

23) I mostly masturbate to people I know, or have fucked in the past. I've masturbated since I was 12.

24) I love friends with benefits. It's so sexy being able to flirt, fuck, and talk about anything. Even about who else they just fucked. It's free and beautiful.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

1. I am a 20-year-old single bisexual femme female. I am graduating college in the spring.

2. I have only achieved orgasm manually twice. The first time was when I was 16, and the second when I was 19. Both were in front of whichever man I was dating at the time. Both found it intensely arousing and fascinating. I felt that the orgasm was underwhelming. Any other time has been either too soft, or more often, too rough. I haven't played enough with myself in that way to really guide a guy if he really wanted to try. I know I should explore that more, but I like any other orgasm more, so we'll see.

3. My go-to vibrator has been the same since I was 14. My mom bought me a lipstick vibe when I was 14 because she thought that if I could experience and control my own orgasms, I wouldn't actively seek out sex from guys. This worked for a while. When that one either broke or got lost, I happened to stumble upon the same exact one at a novelty store and bought it. Though I have a fairly extensive collection of toys, that has been the number one. I recently bought myself a new one with both internal and clitoral stimulation, but it is also small, and I'm hoping to get used to a completely new sensation.

4. While it can be incredibly difficult for me to reach orgasm, when I do, I'm a multiple-orgasm type of gal. In the best romp I've had at least 6-7. If I'm on my own and have the time I can go for up to 20. However, I notice that in most partner situations, even if they are eager to get me off more than once, I tend to stop them after one. I'm not sure why.

5. I have this vague memory of me at 13 in the back of a van with my best friend's older brother. He is on top of me, kissing me, and he feels heavy. His hand is up my shirt, and in my pants rubbing against me roughly. He is 16 and I don't like it at all, but I think that this must be normal since he is older than me. I remember being just frozen there, wondering if this was how I was going to lose my virginity, until one of his friends bangs on the van door and then we are done. I have never told anyone this story.

6. My boyfriend in high school hated oral sex, giving or receiving, so I never got a chance to try either until much later. I gave him a lot of hand jobs outside my house in the front seat of his Mom's Subaru. The most he did with me was stick his hand in my pants. We were together two years and I faked every orgasm. To this day he doesn't know.

7. I lost my virginity the year after graduating high school to a guy who I knew by reputation from high school for having a clean record but having just enough experience. I was expecting it to hurt, but it was great. I don't think I came, but I had a blast. He was the first person who let me go down on him and who went down on me. I was surprised at how much I liked giving and receiving oral sex. He also was into a bit of BDSM, which I was just beginning to realize I enjoyed.

8. I don't remember how exactly I realized I greatly enjoyed BDSM, but I remember a good friend and I got a lot of books and swapped them. We absorbed everything we could about the culture. The guy in 6 bought me my first corset in leather and I still have it to this day, and it makes me feel sexier than anything else. I love anything sensory-deprivation, being completely tied down, blindfolded and/or gagged unless I am doing something to please someone. I am a control freak in real life, so there's something so amazingly freeing about giving yourself over entirely to someone.

9. At the same time, I'm also a fighter. I will attempt, at least once, to get out of any restraints put on me. I love seeing people's frustration with my Houdini acts. I love trying to be a tease until a partner has no choice to get aggressive with what they want.

9. I love rough sex. Like "pin you on the wall, toss you around, grab your hair and call you names" type of rough. I love the feeling of being completely used and abused for someone's absolute pleasure. Any time I've been in situations where this is not the case, I get bored.

10. I love it when guys come on me: my back, my chest, or my face. It goes along with the dominance play, but I also love the feeling afterwards when they clean you up. I once had a guy get a warm wet towel and wipe me down with it afterwards, and it was one of our most intimate, loving moments in our relationship.

11. I've been fortunate with several great group-sex experiences. The first was with a man who I grew to love more than anything along with a lovely woman who was a mutual friend. There was another threesome going on in the same bed as well, which added to the effect. I remember being so on top of the world after that experience that I managed to leave having forgotten my underwear. The second was a a year later in a hotel room at a fetish convention with a man who I was currently in a play relationship with, and a beautiful woman I had just been introduced to. There were a lot of people watching that one, and at one point several people came in to help keep me pinned down since I kept wriggling out of restraints while the one woman was going down on me, and a man was kissing me deeply. I was blindfolded, so I don't know how many people ended up holding me down and touching me, but it was an amazing feeling of being incredibly loved and utterly powerless.

12. The best sex I have ever had was on Thanksgiving after a big dinner party. I was drawn up a bath while he made cinnamon rolls, and something about us, and the smell of cinnamon, and me having just gotten out of a bath… It was the most sensual, intimate experience of my life. It was over several hours, and he came twice before ejaculating. I lost count of how many times I came.

13. Up until about two years ago, I was silent as the grave in bed. I don't know if it was because I was so used to being in my parent's house, or that I didn't know what I was missing, but something snapped in me after someone whispered to me "you know, you can be as loud as you want," and that was it. Ever since then, I couldn't be quiet if I tried. I try to stop myself from screaming sometimes by biting my arm, but the last time I did that I accidentally drew blood.

14. I used to be pretty well known in our local BDSM community for my pain tolerance. This was flattering at first, and gained me a lot of attention, but also landed me in some uncomfortable situations. I trusted a good friend and Dom to lead me through that community, and he ended up putting me in a position where I ended up the unwilling participant of knife play. The scars on my back from that have finally gone away after a few years. I pretty much stayed away from major BDSM events from that point forward.

15. As I've moved to a different city, I've been yearning for a welcoming, tolerant community. Based on previous experiences, I'm hesitant to just go into a party or event without having existing personal relationships with at least some of the people. I think I'm much more interested in being around a group of people that I know are in a similar mindset, rather than so much the play aspect of it.

16. I adore the term play as it relates to sex. Ultimately, that's what I believe sex to be: playful, light, carefree. Even in my deepest, darkest, fantasies, I'm a huge believer that you have to laugh at least once before, during, or after. I want to play and explore partners, and I think that it the sexiest thing anyone can do to me.

17. I am beginning to realize that even more than the pain what I love more than anything is the mindfuck. The ability to relinquish all control to another person who tells you exactly what to do and when is an extremely liberating feeling. One of my next challenges to myself is to write my first sexually explicit narrative regarding that feeling and try to get it published on a sex-ed/kink blog.

18. It should be noted that I have been told I am an amazing writer of erotica/exotica. I started writing fan fiction smut as a teenager, before I had ever had sex and got lots of compliments on it. As I grew older, my writings took on a much more detailed nature, and I have been commissioned to write short erotica stories. When I go back and read the ones I wrote a few years back, I'm still struck with the kind of intense arousal and emotions that I was wanting to elicit in readers. I'm sad that I don't write as much of them anymore.

19. I came out as bisexual my freshman year in college. I had played around with girls before then, mostly some making out, some under-shirt grabbing... but I wasn't really sure what my reaction would be with another woman. All I knew was that I found them soft, sensual, and alluring, giving me a very different sense than when I was with men. I've hooked up with two girls, and made out with a lot of others. There's only one whom I really wished I could have had sex with, but she moved away. Most of the women I've liked I either crush on emotionally because of their intelligence, or physically, but rarely both.

20. I lived in a house full of men for a year in college, and it was the most freeing experience of my life. While we didn't do anything sexually, being around a much less stifling mentality regarding sex, sexuality and relationships really opened my eyes and boosted my self confidence. Before that, living with girls, all I got was weird looks and whispered calls of "slut."

21. I don't consider myself a slut. I've slept with 8 people. That doesn't make me feel bad, though a lot of girls when I was in college liked to make me feel like I was doing something wrong. I remember all of their names, and I'd been with most of them for a longish time.

22. I'm debating whether the last guy I was with counts towards that number. It was rebound sex on my part and he was tiny. Like, I didn't feel a darn thing tiny. Does it count if you can't even feel it's there?

23. That was my attempt at trying to get over the worst breakup of my life, from the one who got away. Same from 12. Was a part of 11. I'm still not over it, and I doubt I will be. He is the first and only to make me see the difference between having sex and making love. The latter is magical, however clichéd. Though yes, it did still involve me getting tossed around a bunch.

24. I've been monogamous and polyamorous. I don't seem to have a preference for either. All I have been able to assertion is that polyamory and long distance relationships do not work well together. At all. I somehow have split up my life based on what I want, which is a long term polyamorous relationship that involves sharing in family responsibilities with another polyamorous couple, and what I need, which is to have a very simple relationship with one person and regain my trust in loving people. I wish those two things didn't have to be mutually exclusive.

25. Writing this series has taken me over a month, and has been one of the most terrifying things I've done in a long time. I hope that it will have resonance with readers, as I know so many of the stories on here have done for me. I'm also hoping writing this series will help me on a path towards more sexual acceptance of myself.