i was at home
watching a movie
on the screen of my "tv"
while my friends drift away in their dreams

yeah..its nothing much
just the usual things i do..
wasting my sleep
for something as cheap

my life used to be filled with
much much more than this
it might not be as important
but..less responsibility
makes it more fun i guess

i was closer to home
where my parents are
it felt safe
living with them
but a have to admit
they wont be there forever

well..on my three days getaway..
kept me thinking about this
it was when i saw my mom.
and how much she has aged..
it getting more obvious..

and my dad..with his ear problems
and his aching tooth..
gets me worried..
and the problems on his head..
they don't help much..

with me living away
i know that they spend a lot for me
i really want to earn my own money
to lessen their burden..
i think that with me earning money
they could be a little relieved..
those three girls at home
someone has got to feed them
and get them to school

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

have you ever thought to yourself how badly you want to live in somebody else's shoes just because you have been tested with a little twist in life that you do not seem to enjoy? could it be that you wish your life would be as beautiful as what we see in movies?

how we want it so bad so that we can be free of all the burden that we are forced to carry behind our backs..to be released from the sins of our past and to be re-borned into a perfect life..

but..why do we see only those selected sort of lives to daydream about?why can't we see those nightmare we wish to not have to ever experience?

why did we not realize that there are thousands out there who could only dream of living their lives as we do..

so let us be thankful for what we have..and spread the happiness around!

i miss my times with my brother and sisters, a lot..even when im the youngest and the age difference between me and them is kinda huge..i love them..i really wish i could get to know them even deeper..get really close to them..it's sort of stupid to realize this now..after 21 years of not paying enough attention..haha..idk..watching my friends and how close the bond between them and their siblings are..kinda make me jealous..how they share secrets..happiness..sadness..stories..even clothes..not that we don't do all those things..we do...i was just wondering how nice it would've been if all those started even earlier.. and i guess spending most of my times watching charmed and supernatural just gives me more reason to feel this way..(stupid..i know..)

haha..whatever it is..i know i love them and i'm sure they love me back as much!well they better be loving me all they can..or i'll start a riot!hahaha

Romeo wouldn't change his mind. That's why people still remembered his name, always twined with hers: Romeo and Juliet. That's why it was a good story. "Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris" would have never been a hit.

I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can’t make your body move fast enough. ~ BellaAs the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet, I knew I was too late—and I was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live. ~BellaWhich is tempting you more, my blood or my body? ~BellaTime passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me. ~BellaOption one: I was crazy. That was the layman's term for people who heard voices in their heads. ~Bella

Even the voice in my head was making no sense today. ~Bella

Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable. ~Bella

It was heaven--right smack in the middle of hell. ~Bella

The most absurd, ridiculous concept--as if there were any way I could exist without needing you. ~Edward

I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. ~Edward

It never made sense for you to love me. ~Bella

Only you could be more important than what I wanted...what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. ~Edward

Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars--points of light and reason...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything. ~Edward

Your hold on me is permanent and unbreakable. Never doubt that. ~Edward

i can't waitto The Twilight Saga : New Moonto get back to Alor Setarto see my Mama and Papato play with my 3 darling Niecesto have a perfect class reunion from both schools that i went to~to be done with studyingto have lots of pets againto draw and colorto get my own jobto earn my own moneyto get my own driving licenseto get my own carto drive on my ownto be able to pick up my friends insteadto finish my watching my favorite seriesto live in my own apartmentto make my family proudto spend my time with my friendsto become someone successfulto be hapily marriedto bear beautiful childrento grow old with the one i loveto spoil my grandchildrento live a wonderful life

this could go on a looonng wayi don't even see a pint to this post..accept for the first one..cause that as the thing i really wanted to write aboutinstead i wrote this what-i-want-to-do listhahaha

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

do ever get that feeling when u feel like the world have turned it's back on u and it never want to look back? well this is nothing like that..but..sort of a little bit alike..u see there is there are a few that i know..they kinda vanished..u know like MIA..i dont know what happened..we use to be quite close..but suddenly *poff* they're gone..no replies to any form of contact i tried to make..was is something i did or say? cause i clearly don't know..to me its okay if u want to throw the friendship away just like it was nothing but a useless piece of junk..i guess i can live with that even though i am one of those who cherish friendship more that anything..but could u at least give me a reason so that i can understand?its better to let me know that just practically ignore me in every way possible..i mean..aren't u tired?

and there are some cases where a particular "best friend" who did something wrong to u and never learned their lesson until something bad happens..gosh..u should really grow up man..stop acting stupid..there are always other ways to grab attention.

i mean..u did it to me few times and i still forgive for that up to some point where i have had it with u..but if u really know me..i am wiiling to forgive u again and accept u as u are if u are willing to take actions on ur stupid behavior and change..but u didn't and instead u avoided me and pretend like nothing have happened and go befriends with others only to repeat the same stupid shit..so don't blame others for what u got..u deserved that for playing with the sharks..

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Zakian Sulhi

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Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me. ~Bella