Friday, May 30, 2014

Saddernalia: Let Us Celebrate!

Saddernalia (noun): The celebration of how everything is getting worse.

Saddernalians hold to the ancient belief that the past was a golden age that will never come again because we aren't as good as our grandparents, our grandchildren are just awful, and everything but everything is doomed. As our parents told us as kids, and their parents told them before, the younger generation is going to hell, their manners are poor, their clothing is worse and their music isn't music it's just noise!
This has been going on for as long as there has been children.
Saddernalia is celebrated whenever we get together and commiserate how happy we are that we won't live to see how this all comes out, because it's only going to get worse.
Alcohol is frequently involved.
Younger people, such as Goths, flappers, adolescents and slackers, may try to crash a Saddernalia celebration by telling the older generation that they ruined the world and nothing has any meaning, but this never works because they're nothing but a bunch of punks who have to learn to wait their turn like I did when I was their age.
The earliest record of Saddernalia is a clay tablet that records in cuneiform the slovenly habits of young Sumerians who wear their tunics backwards and slouch by the riverbanks making disgusting music with rocks and refusing to shave their forelocks with oyster shells or burn laurel leaves like decent followers of Utpranish.
Truly things have only gone downhill since then.