Monday, September 8, 2008

I feel guilty for even thinking it; There are so many undeserving fathers and abusive husbands out there. There are so many who have never lifted a finger to help their communities. There are so many who have done nothing to better another man or woman’s life. Why would you take his life over theirs?

After all the sermons I’ve preached about trusting God…. “He knows what he’s doing,” I would say. Or “God has a perfect plan and he doesn’t make mistakes.” Or even “Everything happens for a reason.” It’s so easy for me to get on my high horse and spew these biblical teachings from the pulpit, yet when it comes time to apply them to real life scenarios, I’m left speechless and closed minded. I struggle to accept that you have a plan in all of this. That somehow, the ending of a 47 year old man’s life is a part of your divine will.

Just the other day I preached about the possibility that the murder of a seven year old boy was a part of your will. Hundreds were saved as a result of his death. The death of an 11 year old girl who was struck by lightning led to the salvation of here entire family. Yet, I’m selfish. This hits close to home and I don’t like it. I question you. I don’t understand that I have tunnel vision. What I see directly in front of my is something that I don’t like. It makes my uncomfortable. Open my eyes Lord and help me to understand your will.

Watching the never ending line of firefighters saluting there fallen comrade only makes it worse. His wife and his two children began to sob and I followed their lead. Even after a week to reflect, I’m having trouble piecing it all together. Will I ever understand your plan?

The verse that I’ve always leaned on is Romans 8:28. I know that all things work together for the good of those who love you and have been called according to your purpose, but I hope that doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to question you. Sometimes things don’t make any sense. Some things might never make sense. This may be one of those things. It is my prayer that I can learn to trust you and only you. I pray that you might help me to understand that you have a plan that is perfect. One that far exceeds the reaches of my understanding.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. --Proverbs 3:5