The Violet Uprising Has Begun

I am writing to you from the near future. More specifically, a futuristic futon that comes pre-soaked in 40 water & Top Ramen.

I am here to tell you Verge-dwellers about the trying times you face, about the great upheavals & massive revolutions which will reshape the world as you know it.

I am also here to buy lots of Crystal Geyser water bottles. Here, have these little green bills you call "American Dollars." Take them all, don't question my magnanimity. We are more generous in the future. Now, make with the liquid gold, patsy!

In this space I will comment on the hilarious hijinks of your political actors, the "politicians" & "captains of industry" who make your world "go." I will sneer hindsightedly at their lies, their manipulation, not to mention your gullibility & lethargy in the face of certain calamity. I will talk shit about personal rivals of mine (I am quite prominent in the dystopian shitscape you call your future. You may come to know me as Hydrobaron Parch. But more of that later.)