The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Original Text

Modern Text

“The brute! Come, don’t waste a minute—not a SECOND—we’ll have them tarred
and feathered, and flung in the river!”

“That brute! Come, don’t waste a minute—not a second. We’ll have them
tarred and feathered and flung into the river!”

Says I:

I said:

“Cert’nly. But do you mean BEFORE you go to Mr. Lothrop’s, or—”

“Certainly, we will. But do you mean BEFORE you go to Mr. Lothrop’s
or….”

“Oh,” she says, “what am I THINKING about!” she says, and set right down
again. “Don’t mind what I said—please don’t—you WON’T, now, WILL you?”
Laying her silky hand on mine in that kind of a way that I said I would die
first. “I never thought, I was so stirred up,” she says; “now go on, and I
won’t do so any more. You tell me what to do, and whatever you say I’ll do
it.”

“Oh,” she said. “What am I THINKING about!” She sat right back down again.
“Don’t pay any attention to what I just said. Please don’t. You WON’T, now,
WILL you?” She laid her silky hand on mine, and I said I would die first. “I
didn’t think, I was so angry,” she said. “Now please continue—I won’t
interrupt like that again. I’ll do whatever you tell me to do.”

“Well,” I says, “it’s a rough gang, them two frauds, and I’m fixed so I
got to travel with them a while longer, whether I want to or not—I druther
not tell you why; and if you was to blow on them this town would get me out
of their claws, and I’d be all right; but there’d be another person that you
don’t know about who’d be in big trouble. Well, we got to save HIM, hain’t
we? Of course. Well, then, we won’t blow on them.”

“Well,” I said. “They’re a rough pair, those two frauds, and I’m in a
situation where I’ve got to travel with them awhile longer, whether I want
to or not—I’d rather not tell you why. If you were to tell on them, this
town would get them out of my hair, and I’d be all right. But there’d be
another person that you don’t know about who’d be in big trouble. Well, we
have to save HIM, don’t we? Of course, we do. Well, then we can’t tell on
the frauds.”

Saying them words put a good idea in my head. I see how maybe I could get
me and Jim rid of the frauds; get them jailed here, and then leave. But I
didn’t want to run the raft in the daytime without anybody aboard to answer
questions but me; so I didn’t want the plan to begin working till pretty
late to-night. I says:

As I said this, a good idea popped into my head. Me and Jim might be able
to get rid of these frauds by getting them thrown in jail. Then we could
leave. But I didn’t want to float the raft down the river in daylight with
only me on board to answer questions, so I’d have to wait until pretty late
tonight in order to put the plan in motion. I said:

“Miss Mary Jane, I’ll tell you what we’ll do, and you won’t have to stay
at Mr. Lothrop’s so long, nuther. How fur is it?”

“Miss Mary Jane, I’ll tell you what we’ll do, and you won’t have to stay
at Mr. Lothrop’s so long either. How far is it?”

“A little short of four miles—right out in the country, back here.”

“A little under four miles away, just out in the countryside.”

“Well, that ’ll answer. Now you go along out there, and lay low till nine
or half-past to-night, and then get them to fetch you home again—tell them
you’ve thought of something. If you get here before eleven put a candle in
this window, and if I don’t turn up wait TILL eleven, and THEN if I don’t
turn up it means I’m gone, and out of the way, and safe. Then you come out
and spread the news around, and get these beats jailed.”

“That’s fine. Now you head out there and lay low until nine or nine-thirty
tonight. Then get them to bring you home again—tell them you forgot
something. If you get here before eleven o’clock, then put a candle in this
window. If I don’t turn up before then, wait UNTIL eleven. Then if I don’t
turn up it means I’m gone, safe, and out of harm’s way. Then you can come
out and spread the news and have these deadbeats thrown in jail.”

“Good,” she says, “I’ll do it.”

“Good,” she said. “I’ll do it.”

“And if it just happens so that I don’t get away, but get took up along
with them, you must up and say I told you the whole thing beforehand, and
you must stand by me all you can.”

“And if something happens, and I don’t get away—if I get taken along with
them, then you have to tell everyone that I told you the whole truth
beforehand. You have to stand by me and back me up as much as you
can.”

“Stand by you! indeed I will. They sha’n’t touch a hair of your head!” she
says, and I see her nostrils spread and her eyes snap when she said it,
too.

“Stand by you! Yes, I will. They won’t touch a hair of your head!” she
said, and I saw her nostrils flare and her eyes snap when she said it
too.

“If I get away I sha’n’t be here,” I says, “to prove these rapscallions
ain’t your uncles, and I couldn’t do it if I WAS here. I could swear they
was beats and bummers, that’s all, though that’s worth something. Well,
there’s others can do that better than what I can, and they’re people that
ain’t going to be doubted as quick as I’d be. I’ll tell you how to find
them. Gimme a pencil and a piece of paper. There—’Royal Nonesuch,
Bricksville.’ Put it away, and don’t lose it. When the court wants to find
out something about these two, let them send up to Bricksville and say
they’ve got the men that played the Royal Nonesuch, and ask for some
witnesses—why, you’ll have that entire town down here before you can hardly
wink, Miss Mary. And they’ll come a-biling, too.”

“If I get away, I won’t be here to prove these rapscallions aren’t your
uncles,” I said. “I couldn’t even do it if I WERE here. All I’d be able to
do would be to swear that they were bums and deadbeats, which counts for
something, I guess. There are other people who can prove this better than I
can, and they’re people that no one is going to doubt as much as they’d
doubt me. I’ll tell you how to find them—give me a pencil and a piece of
paper. There: ‘Royal Nonesuh, Bricksville.’ Put this away, and don’t lose
it. When the court wants more information on these two, have them go up to
Bricksville and say that they’ve got the men that played the Royal Nonesuch.
Ask for some witnesses, and you’ll have that entire town down here before
you could wink, Miss Mary. And they’ll be pretty angry, too.”

I judged we had got everything fixed about right now. So I says:

I figured we had everything in order for now, so I said:

“Just let the auction go right along, and don’t worry. Nobody don’t have
to pay for the things they buy till a whole day after the auction on
accounts of the short notice, and they ain’t going out of this till they get
that money; and the way we’ve fixed it the sale ain’t going to count, and
they ain’t going to get no money. It’s just like the way it was with the
niggers—it warn’t no sale, and the niggers will be back before long. Why,
they can’t collect the money for the NIGGERS yet—they’re in the worst kind
of a fix, Miss Mary.”

“Just let the auction go right on ahead, and don’t worry. Since the
auction was held on short notice, no one has to pay for the things they buy
until the next day. Those two won’t leave town until they’ve gotten their
money—and the way we’ve set it up, the sale won’t be valid and they’re not
going to get any money. It’ll be just like it was with the n------—it wasn’t
a real sale, and the n------ will be back here soon. Why, they can’t collect
the money for N------ yet. They’re in the worst kind of situation, Miss
Mary.”