On Chivalry and Modern Day Love

As mentioned in my previous post on dating, I have gone on a few tinder dates and due to my disappointment, I deleted the Tinder app. However, I did keep interacting with one guy that I had previously connected with on Tinder before deleting it. To this date, I have gone on three dates with him and I recently queried my Snapchat followers on whether I should continue interacting with him or “go ghost on him” which means deleting his number and never answering his texts (the adult version of “playing dead” haha).

One of my complaints of the guy, who happens to be Nigerian but speaks with a British accent for some reason, is that he is not chivalrous. Example A, for the past three dates, I have always put my card on the table after the bill comes and he never stops me, like a normal African would. Like, African men are so chivalrous when it comes to paying for dates that even if you’re not dating them, they still will. For example, one of my good Nigerian guy friends always pays for my movie ticket when we go to the cinema despite the fact that he’s too young for me and we’ll never date.

So I was very perplexed, when this guy continued to let my pay my way for the dates. Don’t get me wrong, I am a feminist and which is why I don’t assume that he’ll pay for me. However, for African dating, the expectation is that the man will usually pay for dates, at least during the initial encounters. An African guy (raised in America) on my Snapchat, brought up an interesting point that Tinder is not for courting; it was created for hookups and therefore, a guy should not be expected to be chivalrous.

I do not agree with the point he raised as my one of my first dates on Tinder was very romantic (picture me and the guy watching the beautiful Boston skyline by the Charles River). To add to this, imagine the guy opening my car door and allowing me to get in and out before he closes it for me. I didn’t expect this from him but this just goes to show that there are men out there who are on Tinder but are still chivalrous. To add insult to injury for this unchivalrous Nigerian man, when he dropped me off at my house, he didn’t even wait for me to get in the house before speeding off. That is what hit the nail on the coffin for me. Even Uber drivers have the courtesy to wait for girls to get in the house before driving off. I think it is one of the things that can show you how caring a man is. So with his repertoire of lack of chivalry and caring for my safety, I bid the Nigerian guy fare well and he marks the end of my Tinder dating.

Recently, I read a magazine article featuring Priyanka Chopra who is 34 years old, amazingly beautiful (she won Miss World in 2000), and is surprisingly single. When asked about her yearn to get married, she replied that she doesn’t force relationships to happen as most of her life success and where she is now has happened due to serendipity. So for her, there’s no point in stressing about a man; he’ll come into her life when he’s meant to come. That thought process put me even more at ease about being single. I am not going to date anyone for the sake of dating: that’s a waste of my time. So here’s to waiting for Mr. Right!

P.S. I know everyone’s theory on chivalry is different, so feel free to comment with your thoughts about my experiences or yours.

OMG!! definitely the best move was to cut the guy out. I dated a West African man with the same exact behavior. Sadly i was naive enough to fall in love with him as i was young and did not have much experience in dating. 3 yrs down the line, after what now feels like over $70,000 of my money and countless acts of cheating on me, even one where i found him with a girl in my bed and he still denied having sex with her, I left. Broken and confused. These men will use and abuse you (for me it was use and manipulate), to the point where you do not recognize yourself anymore. If a man does act perplexed by the fact that you paid for dinner (or even offer to split the bill *eye roll) or even just lets it go without saying anything for a couple of times, …if he drives off so fast without waiting for you to get into the house and ensure your safety,….and so on and so forth, my sister, bid the lad goodbye and walk away while you are still whole. Otherwise he will break you to pieces that will take forever to put back. Blessings.

Thank you so much for your comment Nancy! Controlling and selfish is definitely the vibes I was getting from him. My dating experience is not much but I have definitely dated better so I know when I am being short changed. I think all women need to have their self esteem high so they do not tolerate such bull crap such as what you went through. I am glad you got out of that hell hole and are able to offer advice. Thanks again.