Thursday, January 22, 2009

The worst day of my life.

For the first time in months I prayed last night. The whole presidential election, conspiracy, economical crisis and war thing was so new to me. I know nuts about recession, I just understand that it ain't a good thing. I started to worry a few days ago, all I could think about was death. Siao liao!

Like when I turned the fan regulator to the highest speed, it started making some noise and I imagined it falling on me. I'd either get injured badly or die. I also had thoughts of bomb being dropped over my housing area and that I'd vanish in a second. Vaporized into thin air, doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense. We're all insane, except for Jay Chou *hugs*.

Uh, I don't have a death wish. Wait, if I die... all of my make-up goes to an orphanage for girls only 13 and above. My hamster will be given to Horry, my clothes will be sold on eBay and the money will go to charity. If I die of a heart attack (because someone might of wrote me on their Death Note), you may extract my organs to a pitiful patient who has been waiting for a transplant for over 2 years.

All of my Nuffnang goodie bags are not to be touched. I will come back to haunt you if you use it. Keep it in memory of me! I also want a Christian funeral, I want to be buried in Ontario, my city. I want Benny Hinn to be the pastor who conducts it. My coffin will be pink with gold streaks and blingblings around the perimeter. I want only MAC cosmetics on my face, what a surprise, their headquaters are in Toronto! ( See Wiki) Dye my hair back black and curl it. Whiten my teeth too, I want to be perfect before I am buried.

Think I'm talking too much. I won't die... right?! Not now at least, not so soon. The only way for me to die now is by commiting suicide. I'm not THAT dumb, I'd fly straight to hell. Hell is the reason why I am so afraid of death. Prayer helps a lot, the Holy Spirit calms and renews you, you live the next second onwards with a brand new attitude. Till the negativity of the world, your circumstances and thinking gets to you again. Bummers.

That is why we should pray everyday. To filter out the bad things in our head and hearts. The Word has so much power, whenever I read the Bible, I'd have newfound faith and become determined to live better. It's because of guilt that I stopped. I got so tired of facing God and telling Him the truth everytime, repenting over the same mistakes everyime. I just couldn't take it so I stopped. That took a toll on my spiritual life, I formed certain bad attitudes, without realising.

I stopped loving like how I used to. I burned bridges that were rather dear to me. I selfishly protected myself and neglected other people's feeling. I became ignorant, I chose not to care so that I wouldn't be hurt. Love was given but once offended, I will never share it the same way again.

I am alive and well. I am thankful. I will love and live and let God take control.