Wednesday, May 8, 2013

The significance of today just hit me. It's May 8th. On this day two years ago (nearly a year and a half AFTER he’d told me he wanted a divorce) my ex moved out. I remember that day so vividly… even now. All this time later, its memory hasn’t faded… but my reaction to it has changed. Last year I remember that I still felt the sting of that day and everything it represented. Today, one year later I feel nothing when I recall that moment. It's just a distant memory. I suspect over time all of the details will fade.

I’m happier than I was a year ago. I’m enjoying a budding new relationship. Something that thrills and terrifies me all at the same time. I’m having fun and he’s a great guy. He makes me smile and laugh even on the worst of days. I get that little flutter in my belly when I think of him, when he looks at me and when he leans over to steal a kiss. But I’m a giggling teenage girl one minute and a woman terrified of losing herself and her heart again, the next.

I’m gonna just go with it though and try not to over-analyze every little nuance. Some of you are chuckling right now… knowing full well I am incapable of NOT over-analyzing anything. It’s part of my DNA… or I read one too many Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books when I was a kid.

I’m still not thrilled with my job and I’m still searching for my niche. However I’ve stopped worrying about time running out and instead am trying to take one day at a time and make choices wisely as I go. Yeah, I’m over forty but I’m not near death and I have plenty of life left in me. Somewhere out there I’ll find where I belong. Until then I’ll be grateful that I have a job when many don’t.

Life isn’t perfect… but it’s not supposed to be and no one said it would be. Well.. I’m sure someone, somewhere, said it but they were delusional or lying. My life IS, however, perfectly imperfect. Every day I accomplish something I’d set out to do. It may be something small and seemingly insignificant to someone else, but to me it means something.