July 2007

Oh, I believe very much that God is a matrix … otherwise how could he be omnipotent, omnipresent, ominscient … and answer prayers, and affect change, and hold nature, a fine balance, together. The great disservice many believers make is they don’t think big enough, or small enough to see God. I had to find him when I was a kid, suffering night terrors from schizophrenia. When I sensed that it was not him who was terrorizing me … my night terrors stopped forever, until my adulthood. Now I am having … you won’t believe this … similar childhood lucid dreaming experiences … and experiences of seeing displaced air, like heatwaves, even at night. Crazy? Nah, I’ve paid my dues. A believer since I was six. Abuse, sexual physical. I had no choice but to believe in God. It is a fine balance. Faith is not aggressive belief, but the hell you have to go through to be awarded it.

There are many people who, like you, feel compelled to believe in God or find comfort in that belief. I certainly wouldn’t hold that against you, and it makes me sad that some atheists think theists should somehow be “forced” into disbelief “for their own good.”