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Friday, November 12, 2010

DWTS: Week 8 - See Ya Anna The Smoking Hot Red Headed Russian!

I love Communism.

On Wednesday afternoon, Karin posted this comment on my blog-blog:

Evan, what the hell? DWTS! I want the downlow!

Seeing as she's my one of my four faithful readers, I figured I should probably give her what she wants. Women are crazy and sometimes you just have to give in and do stuff to calm them the freeps'd down. So here Karin, are some quick thoughts on the show that I just watched online while doing some chores around the house to keep my wife from choking me.

"Chores around the house" essentially consists of me taking piles of stuff and moving them to different parts of the house and combining them with other piles. I also wash some dishes (put dishes in the dishwasher), but can't stand the smell of a mildew sponge, so I rarely wash the stuff that can't go in the dishwasher, i.e. no-stick pans, steak knives, popcorn maker, giant dish. I do also take great pleasure in folding our two blankets in the living room, it really ties the room together, but take even more pleasure in unfolding them for my afternoon nap.

So this week America voted off Anna The Red Headed Russian which was truly unfortunate because she was the only reason I really watched this show / started this blog in the first place. Folks, I'm not kidding, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS WOMAN AND MISS HER ALREADY was really coming into her own as a dancer. She and her innate ability to do a split and walk at the same time will truly be missed.

This guy needs to do some dishes.

Now that Anna's gone, I'll have to watch my wife drool over Maks without being able to grunt when any hot female splits and walks at the same time. Yeah, The Pistol is still around, but it's very clear that she can't do a split or walk on her ass the way Anna can. I wonder what Sarah Palin's splitting / ass-walking ability is? She was on the show again last week and it must be stated that she really is SO FREAKIN' HOT! Look, I'm aware that being super hot and having the legs of a Russian can't help you run a country OR form logical sentences, but HER LEGS ARE SEXY AS HELL and I would sponge them up in my sink any day.

And I'm aware that my wife will be VERY ANGRY with that last paragraph AND THE FACT that there are still a ton of dishes in our sink, but if somehow this blog were to reach Sarah's inbox and the opportunity to sponge her up came to fruition, it would TOTALLY be worth it.

Also, when I was just putting a pile of magazines on the desk instead of the kitchen counter, I found a fortune cookie that had been sitting out from last weekend's Chinese order. I wanted to throw it out, but thought it might be bad karma to throw out a fortune cookie? So of course, I ate it and got crumbs everywhere. Also, my fortune was totally not a fortune but advice instead, "When in anger, sing the alphabet" which I will tell my wife when she finds the ants that are probably now finishing said advice cookie.

Here's some advice for America, VOTE JENNIFER GREY OFF! I've had enough of her whining about her injured knee / back / neck / career. I know, I know, it hurts a lot and this means a lot and you've got a daughter who probably has some disease, we get it, we do, but SUCK IT UP! That's the difference between athletes and entertainers. Jennifer whines and cries and has children with diseases while Kurt Warner and Rick Fox just fight through it and produce normal children. Although, I do think it's weird how they refer to Kurt Warner as an "athlete". Yeah, he could throw a bomb to Isaac Bruce, but he was HARDLY an athlete. In fact, he was probably the least athletic quarterback in the league during his career. The only person who I can remember being a worse athlete at the quarterback position was James Van Der Beek (who looks a little like Derek Hough?!?!).

This guy knows how to do dishes.

Okay, I just got an email from my "friend" Rosa saying:

OMG you have way way way way too much free time! I can't keep up with all your blog posts! Unsubscribe me for the love of cheese!

Thanks Rosa!

I will NEVER vote for you for Vice President!
So now it comes down to Kyle, Brandy and Jennifer (The Pistol has no shot). Brandy is looking like the clear favorite and is even becoming somewhat likeable now that she has bought into Maks's methods. The rift between Carrie Ann and Maks is also fun to watch and has clearly affected Carrie Ann much more than my beefy comrade. Maks's bad boy image is much needed on a show that's so light in the loafers and could potentially lead to a sponge bath if he ever got the chance to meet my wife.

This Monday night, DWTS will go head-to-head with Monday Night Football and Donovan McNabb vs. The Beagles. My relationship could also be coming to a head, although my wife does find Michael Vick to be very attractive. Seeing as my wife likes dog killers and Russians with bad attitudes, I'm going to leave those dishes in the sink and go buy me a leather jacket.