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social media addiction

I’m trying to manage my small but growing social media addiction. I don’t understand why I find it so hard to stay away from it, as when there’s no activity it’s a bit painful. It’s as if I’m moping around home Saturday night hoping for the phone to ring, or running to the front door flap when the mail arrives only to find it’s just more bills.

It’s such a kick to get a little bit of feedback that as I look for more I lose track of time browsing the internet, trolling for groups I might want to join. I don’t recognize myself in a way, for my internal dialogue is usually about my complaints that I don’t have enough time to do my creative thing. I’m actually a solitary person, I tell myself. I need my contemplation time. So why am I here?

I’ve started setting my computer to blurt out the time every 15 minutes. Annoying, but it effectively reminds me of my physical world. I don’t suddenly wake up four hours later angry at myself. 15 minutes seems like a mild treat, but hours spent poking aimlessly through other people’s lives seems like a shocking waste of time.

I wonder why it’s so addictive. It’s probably because I think it’s third party proof that I matter. And beyond that, I think there’s something about how much I love stories, especially those that go “behind the scenes”. I love to know what a person is really like, what makes them think or act the way they do. But after a certain point, I lose my own priorities and identity, and generally get depressed.