Food. It is something that I often take for granted, but when I’m really hungry, anything, including that delicious bar up there tastes so good. There is another big element of food that has come into our lives in the last 10-15 years? (I don’t know; I”m kind of guessing) These people are called the ‘food blogger’; they are a HUGE blessing to so many, a precious gift from God.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t just read food bloggers; I have so many other blogs I read, but today let’s highlight the food bloggers.

These people pour thousands, hundreds of hours into something that is an art, in some ways, a lost art, in a really busy society. I used to really take them for granted. Then I came into the BGB Community, and I met Christina and Georgie and a HUGE bevy of other bloggers like Kristy, Lindsay, and Kat.

Disclosure: Some of the products shared here were given to me in compensation for this post. All opinions on the product are strictly my own.

Today has been the very definition of a roller-coaster day. My emotions have been UP and DOWN, and I have been clinging to this truth in Psalm 73:25-26, ‘Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.’

Will God’s love ever change? If He sent His Son, to free us from sin, to rescue me, can anything (even a bad day and mental, physical, emotional suffering) ever remove from His love?

Malachi 3:6 says, ‘For I, the LORD, do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.’

Psalm 102:25-27 says, ‘“Of old You founded the earth, And the heavens are the work of Your hands. “Even they will perish, but You endure; And all of them will wear out like a garment; Like clothing You will change them and they will be changed. “But You are the same, And Your years will not come to an end.’

My heart is secure in those truths. Even if I change and struggle, God never changes. He is God. He is my Father and Creator, and He has the whole world, my whole life in His hands.

With that I can go and make cookies and not worry at all about the day, tomorrow, next week, or next year, because He has planned it all out for my good, for His ultimate glory!

Today is a little bit different from the ‘Thinking Out Loud’ posts I did last year. This year, God put it on my heart to try to discover other girls who have recovered and are recovering and see if they would be willing to share their stories. I’m incredibly grateful to discover so many that God has given a beautiful, second chance at really living in Him! These are their stories.

This is a story, a story of a girl who is just SHARING so much gratefulness about the love of God in her life. Truly this testimony from Claire is a testimony of a girl who is learning to give thanks to God for everything, and that is incredible to me. Claire blogs at ‘Galin Bloom’, and I hope you can visit her and follow her journey of sweet joy and HEALING in the Lord Jesus Christ. Healing is so beautiful, and this is another one of those incredible stories.

1 Thessalonians 5:18, ‘In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.’

If you want to read four other absolutely beautiful stories in the series you can find them all here. Recovery is POSSIBLE and it’s happening every day. God is AMAZING!

This story is part of a series, where God has led me to so many girls who have been willing to step out in hope and share these beautiful stories, full of struggle, and VICTORY. I hope these are an encouragement to you, and if you would ever feel led to share your story with the readers, please don’t hesitate to email me at beautyinchrist93@gmail.com. I also do not mind keeping you anonymous AT ALL, so if you want to share, please don’t let that hold you back, because your story needs to be heard!

For me, the history of my eating disorder and recovery is inextricably entwined with the story of how I lost and found my faith, so it’s impossible to tell one story without telling the other, too.

I struggled with a disordered relationship with food and my weight since I was about thirteen, although I never realized it through all those years of restriction and guilt in middle and high school. I just thought it was normal. However, when a dear friend of mine was killed in a car accident during my freshman year of college, those struggles turned into a full-blown disorder.

Paxton’s death impacted me so much more than simply losing a friend, which was hard enough already. Although I had never realized it before, I had trusted in God to look out for me and the people I loved. I had prayed quietly and upon occasion read my Bible, but I was never open about my faith. And without a church, family, or community in Christ to remind me of His goodness, I blamed God for Paxton’s death and turned away from Him completely.

The funeral and months of grieving passed, and the people around me found their way out of the darkness and were able to live again. Me? Not so much. Paxton was laid to rest, but without my faith, I remained insecure and pessimistic, and channeled my need for control and peace into the one thing I thought I could control: my body.

In the months after the accident, I developed a very restrictive regimen for myself involving food and exercise that I won’t go into detail about, except to say that I was too good at hiding it from my friends and family. No one seemed to notice–they just thought I’d gotten really into healthy eating and fitness. And I honestly don’t blame them, what with the whole world seemingly on a special diet and working out four hours a day (don’t even get me started on “fitspo”). But the mainstream definition of “healthy” nowadays isn’t healthy in the slightest.

When my boyfriend did start to notice, he sent me straight away to the counseling office at our school. But the counselor and nurse who I saw weren’t helpful, because even at that point–after they showed me how low my heart rate was, how unhealthy my BMI was, etc.–I didn’t want to recover. I didn’t see why it was worth it. I went every week and listened to the nurse tell me what I should eat, how much I should eat, how many days I was allowed to exercise, and walked out thinking, “I’m not doing any of that.” I was a hopeless case.

But God gave me a second chance. A year after the accident, I took a class, “Introduction to Christianity,” and one assignment was to attend a Christian service at the college chapel and write a reflection about it. So, I went to a service, and as I was sitting there praying in a circle with my fellow students, I suddenly felt this pull to know God again. I started to understand that we might not understand His design, everything that happens to us, but He loves us, even though we’ve sinned, and has good, good plans for our lives that will be eventually revealed to us. I started to trust in Him again and my life became so much more content, but…

It was a couple of months into attending services, reading the Bible, and emailing my dear friend Kristy over at the Southern In-Law blog about faith when I finally realized how completely ungrateful I was being for the body that God gave me. Instead of nourishing it and using it to do good in the world, I was constantly wearing it down and trying to keep it small and weak enough to fit into size 0 jeans. I finally thought, “How can I possibly worship and serve God when I waste so much time trying to destroy the body that I was given to do good in the world?” I realized why I had been so unhappy for such a long time. It was my “aha!” moment, and I owe it completely to God’s love.

Was I scared to stop exercising and start Minnie Maud? 3,000 calories a day and NO exercise was so scary! But I had been given a second chance and I took it. Recovery isn’t fun; water retention, bloating, outgrowing all of your jeans, extreme hunger and feeling nauseous 24/7 are actually pretty terrible. I pretty much isolated myself from the world for a whole summer to sit around, eat, and think. But I was saved and it was so worth the struggle, beyond anything that I could have imagined when I was sick.

Now, I can exercise for fun, not counting calories burned and trying to lose .2 more pounds. I can enjoy healthy food because it makes me feel good and eat local, organic food because it supports causes I care about, not because I’m secretly trying to eat fewer calories. I can also enjoy a big piece of chocolate cake or eat an entire avocado’s worth of guacamole with tons of Tostitos because I understand that moderation in all things–including “healthy”–is what’s really healthy. I can eat without idolizing food or binging like it’s the last time I’ll ever get to eat cake. I can enjoy life in general and focus on serving God by sharing my story and my faith with others, something I never would have thought I’d be able to do two years ago. Am I 100% perfect at doing all of these things? No, of course not! I’ve only been recovered for not even a year. But I’ve been able to do all of these things in the past few months, and having glimpses of what life without an ED is like only motivates me more to recover “completely.”

Some people say that you can never be completely recovered, and I both agree and disagree. I think that if you’ve ever had an ED that you’ll always have to be hyperaware of any sneaky ED thoughts that might come back without you noticing them, like restricting before a big meal or feeling guilty about missing a workout. But I also think that now that I have a reason to stay recovered–the right reason, so that I can serve and worship!–I’m able to be more aware and am motivated to stay recovered. I don’t see my mistakes or slip-ups as failures anymore, reasons to give up, because I know that His love is infinite. I don’t deserve it, but He loves me anyways and is constantly changing me for the better!Thank you Claire. This vulnerability and truth and joy takes so much faith, and I’m so grateful that God gave you the faith and love to share this story with us. <3 Every day I’m so amazed to find more and more who are recovering and fighting for the precious life we’ve been given!

Claire also shares a LOVELY Instagram from which of all of the beautiful pictures came, and I shamelessly think that you should follow her. You will be encouraged. I guarantee.

No questions today.. If you want to just leave a note of encouragement for Claire in the comments, I know she would appreciate it. <3

Before I share my WIAW for the day, I want to share some encouragement for those who deal with recovery, weight yo-yoing, or dieting, by just giving a little bit of my experience with all three matters.

Trigger Warning: I’m not going to talk numbers, but I am going to share a little bit about my weight, and 3 reasons I’ve maintained my weight for a year, the longest I’ve gone in about 6 years since I begin struggling with ED. However, if you don’t think you will be helped or encouraged by it, please don’t read further for your own safety and mental health.

When Daddy told me that it was time to gain more weight, I liked the idea. I really did, until it felt like my weight kept going up and up. I was tied to the scale, to the number. I would get on the scale at least 4 or 5 times a day. Every time, I looked at my weight and compared it with the ‘BMI charts’ it made me even more disappointed.

I struggled with this for a long time. I was so tied to the 3 numbers and what they said about my ‘health’ until I began to learn that they DIDN’T say that much about my health. There were so many other factors of sleeping well, having energy, not being hungry 24/7, and having my cycle that I didn’t take into account. I let my health be defined by a box, a box that didn’t fit me.

What did I have to realize before my body experienced ‘real weight maintenance?’

1. My body didn’t fit the BMI charts. It needed to be at a higher weight than most people, and I had to stay off the scale in order to let my body reach that set point. My body went up and down, but eventually it did find its happy place.

2. I needed to eat more in order to re-feed after restricting for SO long. I am incredibly thankful that God has made the body to heal, that He truly does care for even the hairs on our heads. It seems backwards, but I found that ‘eating more’ actually helped me body settle out at a lower weight that was still higher than the BMI ‘chart’, yet JUST perfect for me.

3. I needed to meditate on this verse more from Philippians 4:6-7, ‘Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.’ The less I was anxious about my weight (I can give no scientific reason for this), the more it stayed stable.

And so, it’s time for a day of eats!!! 🙂 Be sure to thank Jenn for the link-up and check out the MANY other fun recaps of what my fellow foodies are eating today! 🙂

Breakfast was a bowl of yogurt with dried mangoes from the Philippines (My Dad and brother just got back from there), almonds, and peanut butter. I also munched on a little handful of granola before I went out to shovel. I’m learning that snacking is definitely okay, to satisfy the hunger. 🙂 And it doesn’t have to be at meal time.

Lunch was a smorgasbord… I ate quite a few of these crackers with Jarlsberg cheese and sauteed kale from last night.

I also probably ate 2 or 3 cups of yogurt today, and I ate some after lunch with dark chocolate raisins and trail mix. I didn’t take a photo., mostly because I was getting a bit lazy.

Anybody else tried this crackers? I had the ‘Toasted Sesame’ crackers this afternoon. I think my favorite crackers are crunchy crackers.

Kaila posted a recipe for ‘Caramel Apple Swirl Bars’ on her blog on Monday, and I was pretty determined to try them, which happened today after a very chilly snow day. And y’all, they were one of the best snack bars I’ve ever had. I’ve already eaten two with the pumpkin peanut butter I made last week.

These were the finished products… My daddy even got to eat some because they were gluten free.

Dinner was super easy and it included so many of the fear foods that I used to shy away from because in my mind, they were too fatty, or too full of carbs. I’m thankful that I can now be thankful for and enjoy all of these foods, knowing that God made our bodies for a balanced diet.

The Life of the Writer

I live in the beautiful state of Colorado where 14ers are to give you all the sore legs you need, amazing skiing, plenty of other runners, glorious sunsets, majestic elk herds, and peaceful country roads with clear air.

Go Back in Time!

Go Back in Time!

I am a very ordinary girl. I’m 21, but if you met me, you wouldn’t believe me. I am passionate about girls finding true beauty in Christ. I love peanut butter, icecream, and salad. My hobbies are cooking, baking, sharing laughs and tears with others, and sharing the fullness of joy that Christ has put in me. I love reading other blogs, and I hope that this will be a place where you can find encouragement, recipes, smiles, and joy. Click here to read more about me...