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spending yourself.

There’s something in me that comes alive when I teach.
I’ve taught a lot of different things.
Every kind of concert dance, really.
Voice, piano.
I even gave private lessons to a ballroom dancer at one point.
And lately, I’ve been teaching something called Fly Barre here in NYC.
It’s amazing; I mean, I love it.
I love the fact that people are bettering themselves for that hour they’re with me.
That they are growing they’re discipline and making good choices.
I love that they leave a little stronger.
And it’s interesting, I don’t necessarily enjoy being the center of attention at a party, but give me a stage, and I’m happy as a clam, as they say.
(why clams are the quintessential happy creatures, I have no idea)
And teaching is just another kind of stage.
You get to create something in the moment.
I find I have so much to say, too–sometimes I have to swallow my words so as not to talk too much.
Anyway, I taught a double tonight, and I loved it.
Now I am exhausted.
And I’ll sleep well, too.
That’s what happens when you spend yourself doing something you love.

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4 Comments

Rob the first
January 12, 2013

I had been wondering what happened with Fly Barre. You mentioned that you were going to start teaching it and then never mentioned it again. I’m glad you enjoy it.

It’s interesting to me that you love performing so much. I’ve always believed — based in part on what I’ve personally witnessed — that people who love to be on stage or perform for people were full of themselves or starved for attention. But you don’t seem that way at all. You are quite the enigma, Jess. I like that; it makes you more interesting.

I agree, RobTheFirst. It does seem that many who come alive on stage are attention hounds. If so, I think you see that trait in them in other settings too–social gatherings where they “monologue” conversations or simply must pull everyone’s attention toward them. But for others–like Jess–coming alive when performing/teaching is an inbuilt gift, I believe.

And the emergence of a “performance” gift doesn’t always depend on natural personality inclinations. Using Jess as an example again, as a child she was inordinately shy and socially awkward, sometimes painfully so. But her mom and I found that when she hit the stage as an 8-yr. old dancer, those qualities suddenly submerged into this glowing, smiling, confident being. It was a fascinating and unexpected transformation–the proverbial caterpillar/butterfly thing.

Some who want to perform are just the opposite: onstage their competence erodes, no matter how well they do in practice. In sports those who come alive at game time are the “money” players, especially when winning is on the line. They want the basketball with twenty seconds left, they want to run/swim that final leg of the race, they crave being at the plate with bases loaded in the ninth inning. It’s part of a true leader’s skill set, I think. It’s high-level creative expression in a high-pressure setting. The gifted ones crave the pressure, enjoy the challenge, live for the satisfaction that comes with extraordinary achievement.