Sorry people I don't know where else to vent so this is my little rant of frustration.

I ride english, and I've been riding for around 2 years now. I'm horse crazy, I love my barn, and I love the horses. Recently I started riding another horse. He's a great horse, but he can be hard to ride. Other people say I'm a good rider but I can tell my mistakes and I know I'm not. I don't need an instructor to tell me when I do something wrong because I notice every little mistake. It's just so hard to fix them. The horse I'm riding, like I said, he can be difficult, but it's not always his fault. I know it's usually my fault but everyone knows he's hard to ride and they don't see it and they just blame it on the horse. It makes me feel so bad. Usually I'm a decent rider, but lately I've been going through a really tough time with my riding. I go over jumps and notice my crap position. I swerve around corners because both me and the horse are aweful when it comes to cutting corners. And I'm constantly accidently clamping with my legs or pulling at the bit during jumps or doing other stuff to make him uncomfatorble. But he's such a forgiving horse and it makes me feel aweful because he shouldn't forgive me. It would be bad enough already to be a horse and have a metal bit shoved in your mouth, but if it's a bad rider...
I don't know what's wrong with me lately!!! I mean, there is absolutely no way I'd quit horseback riding, but lately I've been treating the horse awefully when I'm riding him. I don't mean to, but just little things like squeezing too hard or giving the wrong commands or pulling too hard are a pretty big deal. And don't say I'm being too hard on myself because I know it must be uncomfortable to have a bridle, saddle, and rider on you, but if the rider is making it worse it would be terrible.
And now I know that horses are truly the most amazing animals in the world to be able to put up with their riders, because if I were a horse I would've trampled them already!!!!!!!!

Anyways I'm not looking for advice, I'm just looking for a place to vent. But if you have any, I'd apreciate it.

Spyder, I believe she meant that she knows she's not a great rider and she doesn't need a coach to tell her that.
I don't think she meant that she doesn't need a coach period, just that she knows she makes mistakes; which I view as a good thing, although coaches are a great thing to have when involved with horses.
I felt the same way when I came back from my first actual ride on Dude outside the arena...I was really hard on my hands (because he kept trying to bolt, and I couldn't effectivly spin him because there was 2+ feet of snow and he'd try yanking the reins from me) and then when he balked I would kick him and tap (it didn't look like tapping to everyone with me, but it really was) his neck with the reins because I could use them kind of like a crop in a way (they were split reins)
Venting is good lol always. I'm starting another journal because things lately have just tossed le off the edge *facepalm* and what I get for letting the stuff get to me was jumping bareback before I calmed the horse more, and ended up on my back (thankfully I thought to twist so I didn't land on my should/head)....so vent all you can! XDPosted via Mobile Device

Changing horses can quickly show the holes in your abilities. So you are not getting worse you are just seeing what you do not really know. This is a good thing.

And though group lessons are not always the bells and whistles that you want they are a good thing. Especially a group lesson that is that small. Take the time to listen as the instructor explains things to the other students so you can learn from their mistakes too.

An instructor is not necessarily to "point out mistakes", the instructor is there to tell you how to correct them so they don't continue happening until they are an ingrained habit which is very hard to correct.

Everything is connected, so problem A can't necessarily be corrected until problems X, Y and Z are which you may not even realize exist because you are focused on problem A but are obvious to an instructor watching you.

I agree with Spyder. Can you babysit, or mow lawns, or muck stalls to offset the cost of a few private lessons?
When you're learning to ride (and heck, even if you've been riding 20 years!) there's always a period of 'plateau.' A lot of the time it occurs when you switch horses - if you ride one horse for a long time, you adjust to them, and they become easy. Horses are very different from one another, and a big part of the learning curve is learning to adjust to each one. You've only been riding for two years - this is normal! I suggest you pick up some books, some back issues of Practical Horseman - whatever, so you can learn while you're not at the barn and get more comfortable with the mechanics of riding.

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