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On Saturday March 1st I will be wandering round Tiverton handing over envelopes to the hardworking folks who give up their weekends to staff the town’s many charity shops. This is part of Random Acts﻿’ Annual Melee of Kindness, a global event to bring a little bit more happiness to the world.

Why I’m doing this

While I recovered from my operation, I needed distraction and entertainment. On a friend’s recommendation I bought the first few box sets of Supernatural. By the time I got to the fourth series, and met the angel Castiel, I was hooked and had found my latest TV obsession. I found out that Misha Collins, the actor who plays Castiel, runs a charity that encourages random acts of kindness to make the world a nicer place to live in. I found out about AMOK and decided to take part as a way of saying “Thank You” to the cast and crew of Supernatural for giving me something entertaining to look at during my recovery.

Today my tiny pouch friend Thumbellyna and I celebrate a month together. We’ve had quite a ride. Most of the time I feel no different than I did before. Thumbellyna sits there quietly and doesn’t make a fuss unless I do something daft like eat too quickly, eat too much, or eat food that’s just far too lumpy for her to process. And when that happens, she just quietly whispers “do not want”, and I have half an hour cuddling a bucket.

In the last month, I have learned a few valuable lessons. The main one being to take it slowly. It took a few bucket-cuddling sessions for this to sink in. For the first week of so, I had the most dreadful ‘mouth hunger’ (meaning having a real fancying for something in spite of not actually being hungry), which brought on some pretty vicious moods and a large amount of moping.

Advice for anyone considering weight loss surgery – try to avoid having it just before Xmas. Living on slop while everyone else is munching mince pies, stuffing balls and little sausages wrapped in bacon is hell. I managed to have a dinner on Xmas Day, thanks to Michael – he took stuffing and sausage and blended it up with mash and gravy. As delicious as it was, it was still painful to see everyone else’s instagrams of platefuls of turkey, roast potatoes, etc.. I was even craving sprouts. So, yes, if you are going for surgery and you have a choice as to when you have it done, have it six weeks before Xmas or four weeks after. Save your sanity.

On the subject of slop (i.e. the “puree” stage of the recovery diet) – it took me a while to get around to doing this, but it really is worth getting some baby food in. After all, we’re learning to eat again, and the ready made meals for babies and toddlers are really quite decent. Ella’s Kitchen meals are particularly good, and just the right amount for Thumbellyna.

The important thing to remember with weight loss surgery is that we all react to food differently. What works for one person may not work for another, and the only way to be sure is to try it. There will be setbacks. There will be sudden rushes to the loo. There will be times when you ‘worship the porcelain god’. It’s part of the process.

Now I’m making the slow journey back to the wonderful world of solids, I have to pay careful attention to the rules. While I’m getting to used to this new routine, I have alarms set up to tell me to take my meds, timers set up to tell me when it’s OK to drink (drinking too close to meals can affect the quality of the nutrients getting in to your system), and I have a stopwatch going during meals so I can time the one-minute gap I have to take between each mouthful. It’s a faff right now, but it will get easier in time.

Here is a video of the Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass. WARNING – it’s not for the squeamish. This is from a hospital in America. There is a possibility I may be able to get hold of a video of my own operation. If I can, and if I’m allowed to share it, I will upload a copy so everybody can see my insides. Lovely.

Yes! It happened! Almost 4 weeks ago Michael and I made the journey to Taunton, and I finally made it on the table.

Arrived at the hospital 7.00am, went down to theatre 1.30pm, returned from the planet of the clangers at about 7.00pm. What. A. Day.

Now I’m learning to live with my new bypassed innards. The day after the op, the surgeon told me that my stomach is now the size of a thumb. So, I dubbed this new tiny pouch Thumbellyna, and I’m gradually working my way through the recovery diet. Some days I have rattled through a little quicker than I should have done, and have paid the price. I’m coming up on 4 weeks out, and this means I can soon move on to the final stage before solids, mashed food. For now I’m living on soup and toddler food. Any excuse to eat Farley’s Rusks again.

Since getting out of hospital I have lost just shy of 10kg/22lbs, so it’s definitely working. Aside from a little infection in a couple of my scars, I’m healing really well. I’m looking forward the coming year, and being able to get out and about. Could it be that I will finally enjoy walking? I do hope so.

“Well, I say now… now would be silly. In a while would be over-optimistic. This side of Christmas would be a fluffy great lie. The estimated date for my surgery is now February 2014.”

Since my last update merry hell has been raised, the Kraken was put on high alert and stern letters flew to and fro. I wasn’t the only impatient inpatient, it seems. Around 40 of us had been led a merry dance of a hundred dates and action was taken on our behalf. I was assured that every effort would be made to get me scheduled in for October or November. This morning, a letter arrived…

“I am pleased to be able to inform you that the following arrangements have been made for your forthcoming operation/procedure.”

Yes, I have an official date. No, it’s not in February. Yes, it’s this side of Christmas. Yes, it’s next month. Tuesday, October 8 2013. According to my countdown app, that’s a mere 31 days away. This means that the legendary liver shrinking diet begins in 17 days.

Shit just got real, people. This is actually happening. Once I start on the LSD (a joke that never gets old) I shall post regular pictures of my meals and let you all know how I’m getting on. A new version of the diet has been released which includes a small but delicious dose of bacon. Yes. Bacon. In other parts of the country (in fact just over the border in Cornwall), the pre-op diet is nothing but yogurt and milk. No wonder Musgrove Park’s waiting list is so huge, why do two weeks of dairy when you can have bacon?

I had hoped that the thirteenth instalment of my surgical adventures would open with the exciting announcement of an operation date, or maybe tales of life on the liver reduction diet and how I’d gladly remove a limb for some sweet, sweet carbohydrates.

Sadly, it was not to be.

In the months following my last post, I had so much confidence that things were going to go according to plan that I had made a start on planning post-op life. After nearly two years at home I have been chomping at the bit to get going with something again, so I decided to apply for college. Because, according to estimates at the time, I was bound to be done and dusted by September. Since college was only going to be a few hours a week, I figured I’d try to get a job too. So I applied for a Care Assistant job at the nursing home just next door to me. I was totally honest in the application, and in the interview… I would be having Gastric Band in a matter of weeks, I wouldn’t be off long, and after that, we’d be well away. They offered me a job. Things were looking pretty damn spiffing.

Sadly, again, it was not to be.

My regular phone calls to Admissions got me nowhere. For someone whose surgery had been described as ‘imminent’, there certainly wasn’t much imminence in the information I was getting. I spoke to the lady involved with the ‘By-Band’ study. There had been a problem. I was to be discussed at a meeting that very afternoon. Turns out, those lovely people who had referred me to the bariatric team had intervened and weren’t happy to find out I had been allocated a nice, easy, Gastric Band. So, to cut a long and bureaucratic story short, the plans have been changed, I’m now having Gastric Bypass again. Oh. Bye, band.

Well, I say now… now would be silly. In a while would be over-optimistic. This side of Christmas would be a fluffy great lie. The estimated date for my surgery is now February 2014. This (relatively) quick operation which I hoped would be out of the way before work or college is not going to happen for another six months, and when it does, I’ll need about a month off to recover.

In the meantime, I have a new job starting soon – fortunately it’s “bank” work so I can work as and when I feel able to, and it’s hopefully all systems go for college soon too (I’m at the mercy of Student Finance on that one – Asgard give me strength).

Right now life feels like a classic Morecambe & Wise bit – I’m making all the right changes, but not necessarily in the right order. I’ll give you that, sunshine.