Solitude: Loving your own company

This is an old post I wrote sometime last year. Now in honour of all the singles in this “lovers month”. Enjoy!

Single. Solitude. Alone. One. Scary right? All our lives we’re brought up and taught to seek and keep company. Good or bad, the choice is usually ours to make and we’ve always made the same choice, Company. Thanks to social media today, we now not only have to prove ourselves to those physically around us but to those from across a platform whom we’ll probably never meet.

Now, in the eventuality that you’re not social media crazy, how about everyday life? Being a young adult, discovering who you are is thrilling and it’s more often than not time for fun, socializing and interacting. We definitely do have a lot of fun, from relationships to everyday friendships, usually back to back, due to modifications of a basic triangular life.

Take a second to ask yourself: “Have I ever been truly alone by choice and didn’t feel like it was wrong? Or felt the need to fill up the ’emptiness’?” We spend so much of our time with people, among people and sometimes even trying to be other people and we end up losing ourselves. Even when we’re out of relationships, we are never really single. Do we appreciate the alone time we get? Because most times we end up having one person we ‘talk to’ and there’s actually never a time where we’re not obligated to something or someone.

Give it a thought, how about a day out to have fun, something you’d usually do with someone but now, alone. A night out, a dinner date with yourself, a walk, a trip, staying single after a relationship or even that thing you’ve always wanted to try but you’re slightly embarrassed about or too scared to do. You’ll never know till you try.

The value of company nowadays is slightly overrated and we’re no longer allowed the luxury of choosing how to spend our time. We’re constantly being judged and unconsciously we’ve developed a habit of putting up a front that would be acceptable by others so we can fit in. Being always alone is never a good idea but so is always being in people’s company.

Nowadays we are blocked out by the walls we’ve spent years mastering its architecture, surrounded by people and deeply alone. It’s not such a wonder that depression is on a steady increase. I’ve met people in my life who can’t function if they’re not in a group or in a relationship and ‘attention freaks’ would be a nice way of putting it. They hop from circle to circle helplessly , unable to function as an individual and often needing others to pick them up every now and then. Others would rather endure uncomfortable and non conducive friendships because they don’t want to be on their own which eventually become toxic to their lives.

Speech is silver, silence is golden. Once in a while, enjoy golden silence. I do agree it would seem awkward at first and you might get stares from strangers because we’re not accustomed to seeing people alone in situations they usually wouldn’t be in, but at the end of the day you might appreciate it or just really hate it . In all, our lives should be a reflection of all we’ve been through, the people we’ve met, the impact they’ve made in our lives and the influences they’ve had on the choices we’ve made but our persona should be the basis and the rock of it all, being able to stand when everything else is taken away.

By choice or by chance, we should cherish the times when we are single, when we’re not tied up in a relationship, to siblings, parents or even pets because in a week, a month or even in the next second, the moment is gone… and those moments are when we really, truly find ourselves.

I actually intentionally stayed single for 3 years in my early 20’s. It was an amazing time to figure out who I was, an what I wanted without having to consider anyone else. This time, certainly shaped who I am today.. Love this post, and that you are taking the time to do the same!