Self-Diagnosis, or, Autist-In-Residence

Let’s get one thing clear before we go on: Mowrer was joking about the effects of vaccinations. So don’t go bringing your anti-vax crap in here. One word about “Big Pharma,” or mercury poisoning, or any of that shash, and you will be heaped with the scorn you deserve. Okay? Moving on…

It’s been a relatively recent phenomenon: the more we understand about the Autistic Spectrum, the more adults are starting to recognize life-long patterns in themselves. It was the subject of a recent storyline on Parenthood. Dan Harmon has talked at length about his realization that he has more in common with Abed than he thought. And I’ve come to understand why I’ve always had trouble making eye contact.

Despite what the anti-vax nuts will tell you, Autism isn’t more common than it used to be, we just understand it better, and that understanding has led to a lot more people realizing they’re on the spectrum. It’s so common, in fact, that it’s not even considered a “disorder” anymore, more like, “just another way of thinking.”

In me, apart from the eye contact thing, it’s mostly manifested in a particular strain of grammar nazism. Misusing phrases, like “all the sudden” or “could care less” send me into fits of impotent rage. When you misuse “literally,” I figuratively want to rip out your jugular with my teeth.

And “crispy” is one that particularly rankles. You know what “crispy” means? It means “crisp.” When the definition of a word is the exact same word minus one letter, just skip it. I’m convinced that “crispy” is an invention of the advertising industry – “crispy-crunchy” just rolls off the tongue more easily than, say, “crisp-crunchy.” Just stop it. Just say “crisp.”