Tuesday, February 12, 2008

In our latest installment of “Cooking With Rickey,” we figured we’d share something a tad more exotic than your run of the mill stew this time around. For those of you already fretting about the possible complexity of this dish, have no fear: cooking Indian food doesn’t need to be difficult or even remotely challenging. In fact, other than setting off the smoke alarm while making this dish, Rickey was for the most part, calm as a Hindu cow while whipping up this dish. Got a broiler and about $20 in your wallet? Well then you’re in business skippy. You see, Rickey loves cooking, but being an incredibly lazy man, he prefers preparing succulent dishes with the minimal possible effort. So behold! This wondrous recipe only calls for three major ingredients:

1) Tandoori mix from your local Indian Grocery store (find yours, pronto). Here’s a link to the particular mix Rickey likes to use.

2) Large container of Greek yogurt—preferably Fage. Don’t get cute and opt for plain jane yogurt as this recipe requires the tanginess that only swarthy Mediterranean cows can provide.

3) Boneless chicken breasts. You can splurge on organic ones if you’re feeling frisky, but frankly, Rickey has never been able to discern between free range chicken and that of the Perdue variety.

What's better than a recipe requiring a scant three ingredients? How about a recipe featuring a scant three steps?

1) Mix together the yogurt and the tandoori paste. There are measurements to follow on the back of the tandoori packet, but Rickey says damn the torpedoes and just add enough tandoori paste to the yogurt until the sauce is a dark yellowish/brownish color. The more paste you add, the spicier the sauce will be. Those in search of something less gastronomically provocative can always add less. Do what you want: you’re the hero of this story, not us.

2) Cut the chicken breasts into bite sized pieces, and marinate them in the sauce in the refrigerator for three hours. For the record, Rickey loves marinating things. Is there a better feeling than being free to play Guitar Hero III with the blessed assurance that seriously good shit is transpiring in your fridge? We think not.

3) Thread the chicken on skewers, brush the pieces with melted butter (or ghee, which is Indian clarified butter and yields a better taste).

And remember folks, it's not real ghee unless you see the label bearing a picture of a bovine with a face that seems to say "Fuck you! I'm a cow!" Anyhow, broil or grill the skewers for 4 to 5 minutes per side, turning once and brushing again. Here’s what the end result should look like:

Is it authentic Indian food? Not particularly, no. But then again, neither are other westernized Indian dishes like Chicken Tikka Masala, and you think they’re pretty damned tasty, don’t you? If we can use an analogy, Rickey's recipe is to authentic Indian cuisine as the Epcot version of Paris is to the real thing. But for faux Indian food, it's not half bad, and besides, you don't really feel like grinding cumin seeds in a mortar and pestle, do you?

And no, broiling probably won’t yield the same results as a proper tandoori oven, but unless you’ve got LTTE members constructing a large clay furnace in your back yard, the broiling method will have to do for now. Also, most Indian grocery stores sell coriander chutney which is very good for dipping the chicken pieces in. Add some basmati rice to the chicken pieces and voila, you’ve got yourself a no fuss Indian meal.

Best of luck (and try not to set the smoke alarm off like Rickey did).

A Brief Rickey Primer

Rickey is taking a timeout from touring the globe to perform his creation, "The Interpretive Dance of the Electrons," in order to devote his time to the discussion of more essential matters. These topics include (but are not limited to) meerkats, W2 forms, the joy of model railroading, all things Jack Bauer related, thrilling new developments in the world of soybeans, and the 2008 Mets pitching rotation. Assuming you’re not intimidated by the intellectual firepower of these diverse and stimulating issues, we invite you to read on.