Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Excuse Me While I Break Down

"Are you trying to drive me crazy?" I muttered a little too loudly."Oh yes, he is plotting to annoy you." my husband replied.

But at that moment in my half-delusional-completely-exhausted-state in the middle of the night, I might have somewhat believed that of my 1 month old son.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep... maybe it's the hormones.. maybe it's the fact that I am suddenly feeling very alone; but I am breaking down a bit.

My parents left yesterday... and I am suddenly feeling very overwhelmed and wondering how I am going to do it. Never mind the fact that we survived for a week back here before my parents arrived. Several weeks of only getting no more than two, at good times three, hours of consecutive sleep has added up. Did I tell you one time there even a four hour stretch, did I tell you how glorious that felt? I was even dreaming! Too bad that stretch led to horrible reflux and pain on my little guys tiny tummy.

Alex wants me to play with her doll house, Lucas wants me to build Legos, Ryder is grunting and spitting up again. My lunch is cold. At least I made myself lunch today.

But then we all stop and watch a movie together. All snuggled up on the couch. I fall asleep for a bit and wake up to find us all still there together and realize everything is going to be okay.

Deliriously tired but okay.

And to prove it, I will even have a list of Ten Things to Smile About tomorrow. Don't forget to write your lists and come and link up!

it's the sleep!!! remember, that's what you told me 3 weeks after i had max and had my melting point;-) i just re-read your old comment to me last night. the point of exhaustion is just part of the process. cry, cry, and cry some more. then have a friend take your two older kids for a few hours in the morning tomorrow. take a hot shower while the baby sleeps, get dressed, do your hair, and then do something you've been dying to do. you'll feel like a new woman.

You know that a person can actually go crazy from lack of sleep-- I think I mentioned that every day for the first few months of our last two babies. This is SUCH an insane time and I completely understand. Do more snuggling, more resting. That housework will still be there tomorrow (or in three weeks when you're getting more four-hour stretches in a row). You are not only going to be able to handle this, you're going to be fantastic at it!

Oh my sweet friend, I distinctly remember the pain of sleep deprivation and it's very real and scary. I said to my very tiny princess one night "I feel like I should love you more than this, but you keep screaming at me." I don't miss having a newborn at all, but I do love all your precious pics. I'm off to do my ten things (just a little late).

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I'm a Midwest born, SoCal Transport SAHM of 3. I'm a glass-half full but keeping it real kind of girl. I'm a professional photographer, wannabe crafter, and lately lucky if I make a real dinner. On my blog I share life, pretty pictures, crafts and sometimes even get a little bit political. Mostly I am just taking life One Day At a Time.

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