Tesco bananas not in pyjamas - they're in hammocks instead

If you’re a Tesco-user, you can now shop for your bananas safe in the knowledge that they’ve probably had a relaxing time before you took ownership of them. That’s because they’ll have been lounging around in one of the supermarket chain’s new ‘banana hammocks’ that have appeared in over 600 of their stores.

The hammocks are replacing the old-fashioned and uncomfortable shelving that have led to millions of bananas suffering from the crippling condition known as ‘accelerated fruit depression.’ Following their formative days in sunnier climes where hammocks are a way of life, the bananas become disheartened once they reach UK supermarket shelves and can fall victim to panic attacks.

Tesco hope to roll out the hammocks to all 2,282 of their stores if banana happiness levels are shown to have risen. The apples will also be given paddling pools and the pineapples will get to spend 20 minutes a day riding around on little tricycles.

Further news just in… the banana hammocks are actually designed to prevent the fruit from becoming bruised as they are prone to do on traditional shelves. Not quite as interesting then, but hey ho, we’ve spent a couple of special, nonsensical minutes together and that has to be a good thing.