Announcements

So I racked up one million hits on my blog a month ago, and decided that there was no better time to junk everything and start afresh, so here I am. I finally made the move from blogger and its older-than-my-grandma interface and tools and switched over to WordPress, which is kind of like driving a Ferrari after nine years of struggling with a Maruti 800 (without power steering).

All my posts are intact, comments and all, and I even managed to create a separate page for my TV column (which, as I’ve just realised, I’ve been writing for a year now!), so hopefully, the new space inspires some more pointless thoughts.

So around November of 2008, I wrote a short story called “Deviance” about a Tamil dude who wanted to marry another man. The story was essentially the result of one of those “what were we even thinking?” conversations with another friend, (the erstwhile) IdlingInTopGear, except I actually wrote what we were thinking/talking into a story.

The story became popular in a very 2008 way – some people made into an e-mail forward with extra punctuation, some others posted it on their own blogs and so on; It also became a short film, starring very talented actors from the Chennai theatre circuit and was featured in an LGBT Film Festival in Chennai, too – it’s currently on a Youtube Channel for Indie short films called Bench Culture which is promoted by Karthik Subburaj, of Jigarthanda/Pizza fame . I’ve written a lot since then, but in all honesty, Deviance remains one of my biggest accomplishments in writing, not because of the popularity it achieved, but because a few people from the Tamil gay community reached out to me to tell me that they found it hilarious, and that for me was the greatest piece of validation.

Anyway, so 8 whole years later after I wrote Deviance, this news item comes up on my feed about an adorable gay couple who had a traditional, South Indian style wedding with pretty much everything that I’d imagined in the story!

Anyway, so I just thought I’d share it here because,
a) It’s too freaking cute
b) More people need to know about my Nostradamus-ness OKAY.

I’m now a full time contributor for The Hindu – basically, I’m still working as a CA in practice, but I’ll be writing for The Hindu exclusively. My content will be split into a column called “Spoiler Alert”, which will be about Television, and other stories of general interest. I’ve already got 4 stories published, which I’ll link here. In the future, I will be cross posting whatever I write for The Hindu on my blog as well, because why not.

Hello! Just wanted to let you guys know that I’m currently participating in a contest for…Greeting Card Designs. I’m no artist, but I do like to think of myself as a professional doodler of sorts, and over the years I have been drawing many random things, but the last year or so especially, I’ve been shifting my focus on animals. When I saw this contest pop up, I knew I had to participate – not to win ofcourse, that would be too awesome to actually happen.

You know, at first when I started typing this post I thought it was all smarmy and not nice to like ask for votes in a blog that I haven’t really been updating but then I saw the number of posts this year and good god have I been regular or what – ok so maybe not 2008 regular but I’m still writing! Did you guys know that it’s been like what, 9 years since I even started blogging? My first blog was The Evil Autorickshaw which I started in 2005 when I was about 16 years old. I then deleted it because I’m generally an idiot like that, and started this blog in 2007. It’s 2014 now, and it boggles the mind to think that I’ve actually grown up with this space – Board exams, my spectacularly embarrassing teens, internships, my spectacularly embarrassing adult years,failing and passing CA exams, becoming an actual Chartered Accountant, MARRIAGE, wow! It’s been a good run, and if you’re reading my blog, or used to read my blog, if you like my blog, or if you used to like my blog but now think it’s crappy and disgusting wtf how did it even last this long – it doesn’t matter – you were part of my growing up years, and if I’m here, I owe you a part of the credit so let’s just go out now and get some doughnuts to celebrate.

So I started a new cartoon blog a couple of weeks ago called “The Daily Dinosaur”. If you’re following me on Twitter you may have come across a post. I had been having this idea in my head for a while now of dinosaurs with people problems but it was after much procrastination that I got around to setting it up – I think what really sparked my motivation was when an old cartoon I had drawn for this blog started doing rounds on Facebook (without credit, ofcourse. The person who posted it claimed it to be “from their childhood”).

Anyway, so I finally got to getting the blog up and running; The content and the artwork/doodle-work are all original, and I am having a lot of fun with it. I just didn’t want to put it here until I was sure that I would be able to fulfill the “Daily” part of The Daily Dinosaur, but it has been up and running the last two weeks so yay!

The Dinosaurs are also on Instagram, so if you’d like having a dinosaur or two around photos of coffee taken from interesting angles, you could follow them there as well -> @thedailydinosaur

I also have a Tumblr in my name (you should see the link up in the navigation bar as well), which is essentially a compilation of the good stuff I’ve read on the internet. I’d like to think it’s a good place to waste time in, so if you’re into that sort of thing, feel free to follow it here -> http://lavanyamohan.tumblr.com

Finally, I’m afraid to note that this blog will continue to exist – my capacity to write bad humour in long form hasn’t been exhausted just yet.

In March this year, my parents announced that they were going to start looking for a “suitable boy” for me. I wasn’t particularly surprised, but I did try, initially, to give them the “I’ll find a boy myself” dialogue, which was met with my parents roaring with laughter, after which I stopped trying to give them that, because who was I kidding anyway – I wasn’t capable of finding my own phone most of the time, so suffice to say that finding “suitable” boys wasn’t really a part of my skill set.

Fast forward many, many tantrums (me) and abnormal blood pressure levels (my parents) to today, I am engaged. I KNOW, RIGHT?! It’s been a little more than a month since I’ve been engaged. I waited this long for it to sink in, but it still hasn’t. Maybe it was a little too much on my part to assume that there was going to be this great change which involved the skies parting and a holy game show voice from the heavens announcing that my life was to change forever. Life is still the same, but a little different, kind of like consecutive Harris Jayaraj songs.

A lot of people to whom I broke the news to are really happy that I am getting married at the age of twenty four, which I find pretty interesting because to be honest, I had been secretly preparing myself for the “You’re getting married NOW? But you’re only as old as a baby-foetus!” speeches. So when people tell me I’ve made the right decision by deciding to wed now, it sounds great, like I’ve put a great deal of thought into it, outlined pros and cons in some important looking notepad (with flowcharts!) and everything, but truth be told the primary reason I decided to get married now is because I wanted to look nice (while I still could) in the wedding photographs. Like, priorities.

Speaking of weddings, I would be lying through my teeth, gums even, if I said I had no idea about how I wanted my wedding to be before all this really happened. I had a vague idea, ok no, I had a good idea, ok fine, I had been planning the entire ceremony in my head the last couple of years, including invites, a wedding food menu, three alternate colour schemes for the decor, what I’d wear, everything. Well, almost everything – I hadn’t thought about this one minor detail concerning who the boy I’d actually marry would be. Insignificant stuff.

So naturally, at the start, I was pretty protective of my very own fairy tale wedding that I had conjured in my head (and in my Pinterest account), and when people started giving me suggestions about what to do, I’d give them the same reaction that most people would when you ask them to surgically alter their baby’s face. But soon I realized how much WORK all of this was and that if I was to get into everything, I’d be well on my way to getting permanent residence in the asylum at Kilpauk. It was at that moment, that my inner organizational genius awoke and I realized, that the key to planning a successful wedding is efficiency, a resolve of steel and advanced organizational skill. Once I attained this moment of enlightenment, I most efficiently dumped as many responsibilities as I could on my mother before she could realize what was happening.

Yes, I might not get to choose my invites, I might not get to choose my wedding food menu, I might not get to choose the décor, and I might not get to choose most of what is going to happen around me those two days, but I’m not too worried about it. After all, I got to choose the boy.

Hello hello! Just thought I’d point out that I’ve finally decided to get all Internet-Savvy-Columnist-Journalist-Bladeist and consolidated the stuff I’ve written outside of the blog into the blog. Yay!

Future Nonsense written outside of the Blog to be filed under “Cross Posting” & is also linked as a separate page in my fancy new Headline Link Bar. Thingy.

The family made a trip to the ancestral village (and many many temples) last weekend. I jumped at the opportunity, ofcourse. It was my one big chance to write that moving documentary on India’s Rural Landscapes, which would eventually pave it’s way into becoming the inspiration behind the script of the next Bharatiraaja movie, and stand as our family’s greatest achievement, and maybe even overshadow 1970s-IIT athimber’s letter to The Hindu. “Did you hear?” they would say in the next family gathering (I say gathering and not get together/function, because ours gossips at deaths too. But not about the deceased of course. We save that for the next death. Keep it classy, people) “She wrote a moving documentary on the rural landscapes of India which eventually paved it’s way into becoming the inspiration for the next Bharatiraaja movie!”

Because you know, only a true achievement would be discussed before someone eloping.

Unfortunately, the only landscape I got to investigate the entire weekend was that of my digestive system’s since I had (most predictably) succumbed to travel sickness. But, but. During my fleeting stay in the village I discovered something that could change my life forever.

Cows.

Lots of cows. Managing cows. Mooing cows. Healthy cows. Cheese. Paneer. Milk. Ramaraj. Maybe not Ramaraj, but it was definitely something that could change my life forever. Even if it didn’t, it seemed like a pretty great excuse to sell to my father at that time to avoid the heart burn/attack/pain/brain hemorrhage etc of writing CA Final in case I flunked again, which was a very real possibility.

“Appa, who takes care of all these cows?”

“In the village, I think every one has their own set of cows. I don’t think one person owns them all.”

“Is there a Dairy Farm close by?”

“No, I don’t think so. But considering the number of cows here, and the space available, there should be.”

“I think I should start one. It would be a great alternate career if results aren’t in my favor.”

“Hahahahahaha! Definitely. If you’d known this was what you wanted to do before, you needn’t have studied so much! But let me ask you something, you’re sure you’ll go around telling people that you’re taking care of a bunch of cows?”

“Ha. I thought about this, so I came up with an excellent name for my organization. I’ll call it Kamalapuram Pasu Management Group. So if anyone asks anything, I’ll be like Oh, I’m the Director at KPMG!”

My father laughed uproariously for twenty minutes.

“Hehe.” I offered.

“You’re joking only no?”

“Not really.”

And he laughed for twenty more.

PS: BY THE BYS! Results did turn out in my favour! I’m a Chartered Accountant now! But I still think the Dairy Farm is a great idea.
PPS: Pasu is tamil for cow.

When I started writing online, which was about five years ago (I’m OLD!), the intention was purely entertainment. I liked the language and I was good at the subject. I also noticed myself improving with every single post I wrote, which was one of the main reasons I kept at it. As time progressed, my writing had reached a reasonable standard (if I say so myself) and I made a conscious decision to take it more seriously. To date, this remains to be one of the few good decisions I’ve ever made.

Ofcourse, there is no discounting the abundance of luck I’ve been blessed with and the awesome, awesome support from you guys – I mean, I’m a 21 year old accounting nerd! This wasn’t really part of the plan, but it happened. Thanks. For everything.

Do you know what makes me sad? Looking at my archives and seeing a (0) next to May 2010. This is the first time I’ve gone without updating for a month. I am not disappointed in myself or anything – that’s impossible, for the simple reason that I’m awesome. 😛 I just wish I had been a little less busy.

Anyway, I was thinking – It has been really hard for me to get down and write these days because I want to write all these fancy posts, which eventually led to procrastination. So I propose, an experiment. For the next 30 days, I will post everyday. It won’t be too long, it might not even be funny, but it’ll be there everyday. Promise!

Greatest Hits

1. The Chetan Bhagat Plot Generator - Why buy another CB novel when you can make your own? Give the Chetan Bhagat Plot Generator a whirl, today!
2. Angst - If you want to write means, write Sriramajayam 108 times. At least some punyam will come for you.
3. Deviance - The Seshadhris are overjoyed that their son wants to get married, at least until they find out that he wants to get married to another man {Short Story}
4. The Boredom of Ravana - Ravana decides that he must do something about all the free time he has, and pays a visit to Kishkinta {Short Story}
5. Leadership, and Such - A (mostly) honest account of my nemesis from school, Powder Subramani.