Dascha Polanco and 17 Other People Share Their Embarrassing and Ridiculous Confessions

"During foreplay, I called my ex Shawn. Shawn is my brother."

Sep 1, 2015

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1."I spent a Saturday night in watching a rom-com. The fire alarm went off and I had to stand outside my dorm in my pajamas, sobbing and alone, while everyone else was dressed up and going out. Great."—Shivani I., 20, Student, Edison, NJ

2. "It was winter. I usually put on pantyhose, leggings, and jeans. But that day, I put on leggings, and my pantyhose from the day before were stuck in the leggings. I get on the train, and the pantyhose are dragging behind me. It was rush hour, and I had to pull out the pantyhose on the train, put them in my bag, and act like nobody saw. The pantyhose were nude! If they had been black, maybe people would've been like 'Oh, that's just her pants.' But they didn't blend in. I was so embarrassed."—Dascha Polanco, Orange is The New Black

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3. "While my boyfriend and I were having sex, his dog came into the room without us knowing. Then while I was on top, the dog licked my butt. Total mood killer." —Paige H., 22

4. "I was the maid of honor at my best friend's wedding, and just as the priest was about to lead the vows, I was hit with a sudden intense urge to pee. I couldn't hold it, so I had to walk out right then to find a bathroom. Casual." —Sabrina S., 28

5. "Whenever my husband and I get into an argument, I give him the finger behind his back for the whole rest of the night." —April K., 31

7. "I went to this club completely shwasted. When the bouncer asked for my ID, I took her hand, kissed her cheek, and said, 'You look beautiful today.' I didn't get in." —Kelly G., 21, Student, Edison, NJ

8. "A girl stayed over and I forgot my grandparents were coming. When they arrived, I asked the girl to bail out the window."—Paul C., 32, Drummer, Los Angeles, CA

11. "I was drunkenly hooking up with a crush for the first time and suddenly noticed a strangely rough sensation. I looked down and saw that for the last five minutes, I had been making sweet love to the space between her and the mattress. The worst part was that she hadn't said anything." —Will B., 23

12. "On the way home from a crazy night of drinking, I got such an urge to throw up. The cab driver could tell that my friends and I were wasted and had already told us that there would be a $100 fine if we got sick in his car. I couldn't afford that and I didn't have a plastic bag, so I threw up into my purse. Not only was it disgusting, but it ruined my phone." —Dominique M., 27

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13. "I pee when I laugh sometimes." —Max Z., 25

14. "My BF and I went to the movies, and on our way in, we were joking around and he said he wanted to impress me. He tried to carry me up the few steps into the theater, and midstride, he tripped and we both fell. Literally all the other movie-goers started laughing."—Samantha A., 21

15. "I was making a ton of important business calls, inviting people to a conference in Tucson. Finally, one of my coworkers came up to my cubicle and said, 'I can't listen to this anymore. It's pronounced too-sahn, not tuck-son.' I was mortified." —Holly R., 35

16. "I went to Juilliard and during our big-deal spring dance recital, I slipped in the middle of the performance and fell on my butt. The entire audience saw." —Melissa F., 26, Ballet Dancer, Miami, FL

17. "When my roommate's not home, I just sit around in my underwear and play guitar."—Curtis J., 23, Research Fellow, Cincinnati, OH

18. "I wake up early and go to the McDonald's drive-through at 4 or 5 a.m. to wait for them to start serving breakfast. It's my biggest guilty pleasure." —Elaine H., 22, Publicist, Los Angeles, CA

A version of this story was published as "Confessions" in the September issue of Cosmopolitan. Pick up the September 2015 issue on newsstands or click here to subscribe to the digital edition!

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