-------- "This is the time for action not only words, use your God given gifts to develop this country, dont be afraid to speak up, and feel PROUD THAT U R EGYPTIAN." -------- Mohaly, Feb 2011

Sunday, March 28, 2010

674) No Hard Feelings - Ep.5 - Men Don't Change!

This Episode is tackling LAO's question of Why do men change after marriage..

1) Actually men don't change after marriage. It is your perception that do change.

Before marriage, you don't live together 24 hours a day. You can't see all the sides of the man's personality

During the time you spend together, they present the best side of themselves in front of each other.Before marriage, there is just this physical attraction. You may know your partner significantly well but not good enough to know his dark side, if not his ugliest side.

2) Some men take their wives for granted (he has already won the hunting competition, and you is his khalas). They used their weapons (even sweet ones), then they just let it all out after they have officially become husband and wife.

I have once read an article about what to do right after marriage: "After every wedding comes a marriage. With marriage, couples need to learn another set of soft skills like givingrespectand managing expectations to sustain their marriage."

Life after marriage is going to be very different, whether you like it or not.

"Marriage is hard enough without bringing unrealistic expectations into it. People don't change just because they say I do in their marriage vows and their partners shouldn't expect them to."

What I wanna say here is that you should SET your expectations right. Expect that he will do 50% of what he is doing before marriage, if you are fine with that, then go for it, but don't be fool and expect that he is exactly the same person that you have known before. However, life has a good side too, sometimes you realize some good stuff that you haven't seen in him before too. So, if you live each day of your marriage with realistic expectation, there are actually many good things you can look forward each day.

I wonder y marriage is being perceived as a challenging game or a hunting competition rather than perceiving it as a sweet simple mean to happiness & stability & moving normally wiz it,,,,is this becoz of our damn nature;))?!!

i agree wiz u that be4 marriage there's a high physical attraction between both partners until they come together & their internal features evolve. But this in turn means that not only her perception that changed but both partners will change gradually as they got married,SO, I GUESS IT DEPENDS b2a 3ALEHOM whether to accept each other, adapt to such change & trying to break the damn routine orrrrr they'll just respond passively to such routine lifestyle :S:S

I think that men change after marriage or after the honeymoon bec,they already got what they want we khalas..where are that hot emotions of before marriage,where is love? what happened and what had changed why do saying i love you is very hard now,when befor it was said daily!! people toled me that this exactly what will happen after marriage but i always said NO WE WILL BE DIFFERENT AND BREAK THIS RULE,heheee

by the way,thank u mohaly for remembering and answering my question,,but i feel like still didnt get an answer!!not living with the persone 24\7 is the problem as in some situations you may be with this persone for 5 years or more sharing mainly everything with him,so the problem still exist with me,with no answer...

Hi, I feel that both single men and women perceive "marriage" in the wrong way.....women tend to seek it as "achievemnet" or something she wants to reach ....while men tend to perceive it with casious eyes and end of bacholar's freedom....I always tell my friends, marriage represents the beginning of a journey accompanied with someone else......It is a beginning of a whole new chapter of your life so U must pick carefully and listen to ur both mind n heart n if U find it in u , when U silence all the voices of friends, relatives and only listened to urself, then go ahead with....And as in all journeys, some pitfalls happen, so I think both partners don't change all of a sudden.....it happenns daily ...bit by bit as aresult of the the incindents they come across....if they both worked as a team, they discover levels of appreciation towards each other...if not, they suffer from what ppl call it "change after marriage" while it is really "drifting away from one another".....I feel like I have written too much n hope it is not that far from the note but I felt like sharing my inner thoughts after reading the post....Have great day :)

you are right about 'the expectations' part, we shouldn't be excepted marriage to be a finish line -- or as media has brainwashed us that it's a happily ever after.It's simply a new era and it has to be different. people should change (in a good way)to adapt perfectly to it, because simply marriage is a promotion to the emotional balance and it should take its course to mature.

we think men/women change (the bad change) cause old gestures or responses never work the same way, l shatra ba2a en they both develop it into new tricks to keep passion going, to help it get matured, not just whine about 7azhom l mehbeb :)

Lao: The 2nd reason answers you. Taking wives for granted makes husbands feel that they dont have to exert any extra effort as they used to, SHE IS HIS Khalas.That is why I consider people taking their partners for granted are damaging the romance and passion in the relation and lead to unhealthy marriage.