“Oh, good, you’re home. I had sex with Justin Bieber while you were gone.”
“That’s nice. Have you seen my velvet sweatpants?”
“Do you even care?”
“Of course I care. They’re my favorite sweatpants! Now, seriously, where are they? This whole wandering around like I’m going to kill myself thing is really working for me. I finally found something I’m good at.”
“You’re right, you really are trying. Wanna get me pregnant for the 25th time?”
“Sure, whatever. Wait a minute, Kourtney, where are the kids?”
“I dunno. Someone has them or something. Who knows?”
“Makes sense. — Oh, shit, you’re serious about having sex right now?”
“Yeah.”
“God. Fine…”