Bill Cosby: Ya see, I gotta get back on the TV, 'cause with the Osbournes and the soft-core porns, and the dogs poopin' and nobody scoopin', and the vee-tha-vul hah-hah hah!

Female Executive: We need a family that hasn't been on TV forever. Let's try the Simpsons!

Mitch Hartwell: Welcome to your home for the next six months.

Bart: (wearing old style clothes: a blue shirt tucked into a pair of blue shorts, a pink bow tie and a blue hat with golden curls) Oh, man, I can't wear this. I look like Buster Brown... whoever that is.

Homer: Oh-ho-ho, you look so adorable (pinches Bart's cheek)... Lisa.

Marge: Your school chums are going to be so jealous of your little outfit.

(Outside the window, the bullies look inside. Jimbo punches his fist into his other hand.)

Apu: By orders of The Reality Channel, I must make sure you only buy items available in 1895! (begins looking through the items Marge wants to purchase)Oreos? Sorry, these are from 1896. Non-scarring toilet paper? Ho! Dream on! Urkel-O's? Delicious, but forbidden.

Marge: I'll just take these tampons.

Apu: (looking through a 1895 Almanac) I don't believe they had those in 1895.