Valium, propositions from the passengers and a sure-fire way to get a free
upgrade: former Qantas cabin crew member Owen Beddall reveals what
life in the air is really like

Australian-born Owen Beddall was an air steward with Qantas for 12 years from the age of 25, flying all over the world, from Sydney to London, Singapore and San Francisco. Along the way he found himself serving the likes of Katy Perry and Cate Blanchett, smuggling sleeping tablets across borders and fantasising about jumping out of the planes’ emergency exits.

Now retired from the industry following a back injury, Beddall has opened up about life in the air from the crew’s perspective:

Passengers

“The passengers were my least favourite part about flying. I’m surprised by how dumb people are. You would be on a long haul flight that had been delayed for several hours, and so many people would tell you in the air – ‘I’ve really got to get there on time so I can make my connection. You don’t understand I’ve really, really got to be there.’ You just have to say – ‘Let me see what I can do and come back to you’ even though there’s obviously nothing you can do.

“Doing the food’s a nightmare as well. People will say they’re lactose intolerant, but then when they see the regular menu and decide they prefer that, they suddenly decide they’re not and you have to sort it out.

“With British passengers, their politeness can also be their downfall. ‘I was just wondering if you could possibly, when you’re not too busy, if you wouldn’t mind…’. I’m just like: ‘Darl, tell me what you want’. The Australians will just say ‘Give us four beers’.

Owen Beddall with pop star Katy Perry

“People are always trying to get upgrades. Just asking for an upgrade will never, ever work. It’s like going into a designer store and saying you want a free dress. The same with saying you’re the CEO of some company, don’t you know who I am, there must have been a mistake.

“The best way to do it is to go on the plane last, so the flight attendants know which seats have been filled. Then try to engage one of the crew – the one who looks the most relaxed – and say, ‘I love flying’ or ‘This is my first time on one of these planes’. One of the best ways of doing it is to say ‘My company’s thinking of flying business on this airline. We’ve never done this before – do you mind if I have a look through the cabin? What kind of wines do you have?’

"I’ve had Cate Blanchett, Katy Perry, Kylie on the plane and I’ve always thought the celebrities were great. They’re used to dealing with people - it’s part of the routine. Sometimes they can be difficult though. There was one Australian model who comes from quite an ordinary part of Sydney but insists on only speaking French and won’t look at flight attendants or speak to them. So she had to say what she wanted in French to her assistant, who would then pass it onto us. It was ridiculous.”

Nightlife and drugs

“The best places to go out with the crew were where a lot of flights intersected, like London or LA or Singapore, because there would always be so many of us. Most of the crew would be up for partying. Especially the ones who worked for Emirates – they’re out in the desert most of the time so they really want to let go when they’re in town.

“There were sometimes some ‘stimulations’ but it was always more about the sleeping pills, about trying to get the Valium and the Xanax. You would need them to regulate your sleep – I always say that the best way to deal with jetlag is vodka and Valium. You would bid to be on the crew of a flight going to Bangkok or India, where you could just get them over the counter. You don’t think about it being illegal until you have to hide it going back into your country, and you realise that actually you’re trafficking drugs.”

"People assume we're all blonde girls" (Photo:PA)

Sex and relationships

“People assume we’re all blonde girls shagging the pilots and servicing the businessmen, and they’re not completely wrong. It’s like doctors and nurses.

“The pilots were all dorks at school, studying maths, studying physics – they weren’t the kind of guys who were on the football teams. Suddenly they’ve got a nice uniform on, they’re in command of a plane and all these girls are interested. And they’re attractive girls, too. Most of the pilots are married, but they’re only married on the ground – the rest of the time they’re staying in five star hotels all around the world.

“Some passengers have this fantasy of hooking up with a flight attendant in the air, but that’s not as usual as couples sneaking to the toilets by themselves. It always happens in economy, but that’s the worst place to do it because there’s so little room and there’s always a queue. I’ve been approached a few times. Once a guy left a toilet door open and exposed himself, and asked whether I wanted to join him. I had to tell him I was at work.”

Occupational hazards

“Often people don’t realise that this can be a very physical job. You’re on your feet and pushing these 100kg carts around half the time, carrying hot liquids, with people handing you anything they can, including screaming babies. You burn yourself, you bump your knees, you bang your head, but you have to seem calm whatever’s going on.

The Mumbai attacks of 2008 (Photo: Simon de Trey-White)

“Sometimes the danger is more dramatic. I was on a stopover in Mumbai during the 2008 shooting and bombing attacks. We were told not to leave our hotels, and I had six days stuck in ours with the rest of the crew and the pilots. We were all on edge but at the same time we got to find out a lot about each other. It was a bit like the end of a long night out clubbing – suddenly everybody wanted to open up about their secrets.”

The highs – and the lows

“What I most liked when I started was the fun, the parties, sleeping with people all around the world. But I think what I most value most now is having that international perspective that comes with travelling. Sometimes our way isn’t always the right way – there’s something you can learn from everywhere that you go.

“It can be stressful though. There was one story about an attendant who flipped out after landing, got a beer from the galley, activated the emergency chute, slid to the ground and ran off. I can completely identify with that. I think in general it’s an honourable profession, but I’ve spent more than enough time on it now.”

Confessions of a Qantas Flight Attendant by Owen Beddall with Libby Harkness is published by Random House and available for £18.99 in hardback