Just super thanks. So, did you pack your pads and helmet for this Sunday?

If they allowed me, I would. No doubt. I would be dressed before they even got the words out of their mouths.

Reckon you'd still be able to get to Tom Brady if they let you?

Hey, I still work out doing the same things I was doing. Right now the way the Giants play, with the rotation that they have with the players – they play 20-30 plays a game and that's a lot nowadays. I was used to playing 60, 70, 80 plays a game, so I know I could still give you 20 plays a game. They have enough talent that they could stick some other guys in there to spell me.

We need to get Tom Coughlin on the line. Maybe the Giants could make you a special contract which kicks in only if they reach a Super Bowl?

I wouldn't fight that at all. I think that's a great idea. How great would that be? "Make the Super Bowl, then you call me."

What do you miss most about being a player?

I miss the guys. I miss the camaraderie, the teamwork, just being around the guys and enjoying the fun and the laughs. It's such a serious and tough sport that the only way to survive it sometimes is through humour and enjoying yourselves. I miss the guys and having that bond.

It's interesting you should mention that need for laughter. One of the things everyone's been talking about this year – just as they were in 2008 – is how Eli Manning has been known to play the odd prank. Did he ever try it on with you defensive linemen?

They didn't do anything to me because I was one of the oldest guys there. Well, every once in a while someone would do something but it was usually a defensive lineman. One time we came in off the practice field and one of the guys hands me a helmet and asks me: "Will you sign this?" So of course, he's one of my guys, I sign the helmet. Then they all started laughing because all they had done is take my helmet out of my locker and made me sign my own helmet.

So simple and yet genius.

It's the little stupid things like that which give you such a bond with the guys. Even to this day, after the game in San Francisco, I was doing the Fox show on the sidelines and every coach came over and hugged me as they were going into the locker room. That meant a lot to me.

Understandably. But to be clear, what you're saying is that it's hanging out with the guys that you miss, rather than hurting Tom Brady?

Well, that's not bad either. I like hitting quarterbacks, I miss that too. It's the pain the next day where I'm so sore I can't move I don't miss. But I miss that competitiveness. I miss looking at a guy who weighs 80 pounds more than me and knowing that I don't fear him, he fears me. Being able to think: "You're going to walk away from this game and you're going to say to yourself 'so that's the Michael Strahan that I've heard about. And he's everything I heard and more.'"

Is there a lot of talk down there in the trenches? Did you ever run your mouth out there a little?

I'd only talk when they made me talk. It was all respect. But if you did something to me that was disrespectful or you started talking smack, I wasn't going to back down to that. That motivated me more and, if I started talking, it was going to be a long day for somebody.

What was the funniest smack talk you ever heard on the line?

Out on the field? There's a lot of stuff that makes you laugh. If a guy has any kind of trouble outside of the football field, obviously it's in the news, and guys when they talk a little smack on the field they definitely remind guys of it. I've heard guys saying "shut up before I call your parole officer". Nothing's off-limits.

What did they go after you for? Was it the teeth?

Oh yeah, they'd go for the teeth thing. But I got more teeth jokes from my team-mates, so by the time I got to the game those jokes didn't even bother me.

Was there any one joke about your teeth that did make you laugh?

Oh yeah. There's a sign on my right tooth that points to my left tooth and says "next tooth, one mile".

Honk! What about Super Bowl week itself? What are your memories of the week?

It's crazy. You know, it's fun, exciting but also a little nerve-racking and something you have to … enjoy. If you let it get to you, you won't enjoy it. Because there's so many obligations that you have, you've got to be at all these media opportunities and basically answer the same question 100 times and … you're schedule's a little messed up, it's not like you have a lot of free time to hang out. And one of the biggest things that happens is that you start to worry that the people who came down to the Super Bowl – your family – are they being entertained? And that can be one of the stressful things about it.

And what do you do to keep everyone entertained? Epic Madden video game tournaments?

Oh yeah. Guys bring their own consoles, they bring everything from home. Even on road games during the season they bring them but especially when guys are there for the week. Because you really don't want to leave because your lobby is a mob scene and it's just too much of a hassle to do anything else.

Be honest with us now, Michael, when you got your hands on a new copy of Madden did you go straight to the Giants roster to see what stats they'd given you?

Of course. Every player does that. If they didn't give you the correct rating I would be upset about that. In fact it would make me play harder for next year. I mean "come on, John Madden, you've got to get my stats right". Believe me, every player checks that out.

Did you ever raise this with John?

Well, it did cross my mind but I don't think he has much to do with the stats.

Exactly! And then you have to move me around and … I remember one year my friend came to me and he said "man, this Madden game ripped you off. They made you so bad I had to trade you!" My own friend had to trade me from the Giants …

An outrage and no mistake. Getting back to the non-digital version of the game, tell us what it feels like to win the Super Bowl.

Well, there are two perspectives. When you're a loser, the confetti is falling and they basically just usher you off the field. "Get out of here, you're done, nobody cares about you." It's really weird because one moment you're playing that game and it's the happiest moment of your career and the next the confetti is falling and it's not for you. They just usher you to the locker room and it's dead silence.

Whereas you win and that confetti falls, it's just the most amazing feeling. Especially when your family comes down on the field and all the players are hugging each other and then you're on stage and everybody gets to hold the trophy … it's just the biggest joy you can have as a professional athlete – sharing it with 60 guys, 20 coaches and the front office and … it's just amazing. And then the locker room afterwards is the moment where you almost don't want it ever to end. You don't want to shower and get dressed because that means the season is over. And then I remember being on the bus and having to return 300 messages.

If you hadn't won at Super Bowl XLII, do you think you'd still be out there playing today to try to win one?

I doubt that but I definitely think I would have gone back for another year or two if the Giants still wanted me. Physically I felt great – I feel better now than at 25 years old.

Now that you have it, how often do you wear that ring?

I pretty much only wear it on the Fox NFL pre-game show, maybe four times a year. And if I go to events throughout the year, if I don't forget it, I'll wear it for those. It's kind of one of those things where you have it but you kind of forget you have it.

Honestly, you never tried to use it to impress a girl?

No! No, I got a woman, I don't need a ring to impress a woman. That's one department where I've been good [cue deep belly laugh]. If the girl is with me for the ring, you've got the wrong girl anyway. But I have seen guys who use it because they don't care if she's the wrong girl or not – they're looking for Mrs Right Now, not Mrs Right!

Back on the football, how worried were you that Jared Allen was going to get your sack record this year?

You know what, of all the guys out there, he's one of the few guys I truly wouldn't mind. Records are meant to be broken. Everybody gets into their head that "oh, somebody has the record, they don't want anybody to touch it". It was there for me and now it's there for him and every other player in the league. It was just amazing to see him having the season he had. When I look back on my record season I don't think about the record, I think about the fact I had enough sacks that the number started with a two, instead of with a one. That means you're in the 20s, in a 16-game season.

Which was your favourite sack?

My favourite was probably Tom Brady in the Super Bowl.

Yeah, Small Talk can imagine how that would be a pretty good spot.

We had forced them to punt and Bill Belichick ran a quick punt and we didn't get all our guys off the field, so it gave them a first down, and they were in field goal position and Tom Coughlin is red as a beet screaming and hollering and I just grabbed him by the shoulders as we walked on to the field and I just said to him, "Don't worry about it, we got it. Relax." And then to go out and get the sack and blow them out of field position … yeah, that was my favourite because it made a difference in the biggest game of my career.

Are they protecting the quarterback too much with the new rules?

I think if you want to protect players I understand that, nobody wants to see anybody get hurt but at the same time this is football and people are going to get hit. So if it's not safe or it's illegal, I get it. But when you watch some of these games some of these hits especially on quarterbacks aren't illegal and really truthfully aren't that hard but they're throwing the flag and it costs the team a touchdown or it keeps the drive alive, it's … the rules are interpreted differently by different officials and that's the problem.

If you could change a rule, what would it be?

Yeah, I'd like to hit guys again. Hit quarterbacks, man.

Well, that's not really a rule, that's just something that you'd like to do.

[On a roll now] They wear those red jerseys every practice, they don't even get touched in practice and if they have a good offensive line they rarely get touched in the game. Where everyone else gets beat up every day. So I would love to have a rule that says we can beat up on them more often.

Small Talk was going to follow up by asking, if you were president for the day, what one law you'd like to introduce. Safe to assume that law would just be 'Michael Strahan gets to tackle people in the street'?

[Approving laughter] You know what, I would probably go with no speed limit. Let's go, let's get where we're going. Let's get an autobahn over here. The only problem is we'd need to send everyone back to school so they can learn how to drive properly.

You mention the autobahn – obviously you grew up in Germany for part of your childhood. Do you like soccer as well as football?

Yeah. I do. Everybody's into it now over here more than they were when I was a kid. But I was over there in Germany when they had the World Cup and saw how crazy that was and how insane that was.

Did you play as a kid?

No, there was too much running. I was too big for that. They want you to run and once you've been substituted you can't go back in the game. I want a break!

Moving on to non-sporting matters, will we ever see you on Dancing with the Stars?

I have no interest in doing Dancing with the Stars, it's not my thing. I'm not interested enough to go and practise for eight hours a day and rehearse, perform … eh, I'll watch it every once in a while. And I can't have tassels on my biceps. I'm supposed to be feared, all of a sudden I'm wearing tight leotards and sequined pants and tassels on my biceps. You lose a little bit of that fear factor.

Is there another reality show maybe? We know you host Pros vs Joes but maybe one as a participant?

The one I watch and I'm like "Man!" is Fear Factor. But I couldn't eat all that stuff, man. I'd fail at that. But the physical stuff I'd be good.

And what do you fear, Michael?

Snakes. And spiders. Can't do it. I can get over a fear of heights but I can't get over snakes and spiders. Ugh. Crawling on you. No way.

And moving on to the really important stuff now … what was your favourite toy as a kid?

I used to have an electric race car set. One Christmas – it was the best Christmas that I ever had – I got a train set and a race car set. And my brothers got race car sets, so we put em all together and we had our own little city of trains and race cars. That was a good Christmas.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes.

Have you ever seen one?

I've had some things where I've heard stuff or swear that I've seen stuff, but … that's when I just start praying. Yeah, I believe in ghosts, no doubt.

What's your favourite sandwich.

Subway, sweet onion chicken teriyaki.

Picking from the six grams of fat or less menu there we note …

Yessir, you got to keep trim. That's the only way the Giants are going to call me to come out and play on Sunday.

We'll start lobbying on your behalf immediately. But in the meantime, how about a prediction for the game?