The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (8.20.1994)

-We’re skipping the August 13 episode because it’s entirely Night of the Legends matches and we just did that and all.

-Originally aired August 20, 1994. They’ve now changed the opening to incorporate the creepy computer-generated logo.

-Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Les Thatcher.

-The Rock & Roll Express come out to pimp a house show like it’s TBS in 1987 or something, but they promise that later tonight, they’ll win the Tag Team Titles.

DA GANGSTAS vs BRIAN LOGAN & STEVE SKYFIRE
-I love this team for the sole reason that I love hearing Bob Caudle say the word “Gangstas.” It’s literally the one word that could possibly make Bob Caudle sound like even more of a white guy. Les Thatcher helpfully explains that the X on the back of New Jack’s shirt is probably a reference to Malcolm X.

-Skyfire dropkicks New Jack out to the floor. Back in, Skyfire backdrops him and New Jack asks for a time out. Mustafa tags in and stomps a hole right into Brian Logan. Mustafa misses a corner charge and gets rolled up for two. New Jack stun guns Logan to turn it back around. Running powerslam and the 187 (rocket launcher with a diving headbutt instead of a splash) gets the pin. Post-match, New Jack takes a marker and draws an X on Logan’s forehead. Logan should be damn glad if that’s the worst thing New Jack does to his forehead, though.

-We go back to Fire on the Mountain, the other house show from SMW’s big weekend, where outside interference from Da Gangstas cost the Rock & Roll Express their hair vs. hair match. And then nobody lost their hair.

-Bob Caudle is live with Da Gangstas. Nobody, not even the “NAACP negros” will silence them. Da Gangstas eat watermelon and fried chicken to meet the NAACP’s expectations of how black people should behave on TV, with Mustafa spitting out his watermelon and doing something completely amazing with it, just spraying it like HHH’s water, but lasting a good ten seconds. The sheer volume of what comes out is astonishing. They’re gonna take the Rock & Roll Express to the hood. Nice tag line at the end, with New Jack pointing to the ring and yelling “There goes the neighborhood!”

-We take another look at the Thrillseekers/Heavenly Bodies match from Night of the Legends. Jericho just looks fucking disgusting at the end, and there’s a fan at ringside who looks like she’s about to puke her guts out looking at him.

-Bob Caudle is with the Thrillseekers, and Jericho announces that, per doctor’s orders, he has to stay out of the ring for eight weeks.

-Tracy Smothers and Bob Armstrong are happy about their victories, but a little disappointed that Jim Cornette escaped from the proper ass-kicking he was supposed to get. Bob Armstrong says that a new commissioner takes over SMW in September, and THAT guy is gonna make Cornette’s life hell.

-DWB is running wild. He ran Jake the Snake out of the Smoky Mountains, got a win over Terry Gordy, got a win over Dick Slater, and apparently ran “Conan” Chris Walker out of the company.

PERSONALITY PROFILE
-Cornette has FITE and the Heavenly Bodies here. Cornette buries the shit out of Chris Walker for not getting the job, and says he’s going to throw Bruiser Bedlam at him next. Heavenly Bodies are in their ring gear, and Cornette concedes that, no, legally, they aren’t allowed to wrestle in SMW but there’s nothing prohibiting them from coming to SMW events just to visit. That’s all they’re doing, just visiting. Cornette demands to know who the new commissioner of SMW will be.

BRUISER BEDLAM (with Jim Cornette) vs DAN DUBIA
-Bedlam pounds on Dubia before the bell. He suplexes and spits on the poor schlub and follows with a diving headbutt. Running powerslam, and then the stomach claw gets the submission. Bedlam refuses to release the hold until DWB storms in, ready to throw down.

SMW TITLE: DIRTY WHITE BOY (Champion) vs BRUISER BEDLAM (with Jim Cornette)
-The last time DWB accepted a spontaneous title match on TV, it bit him in the ass, so I really question his wisdom here. You know the old saying. “Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me chicken soup with rice.”

-To Jim Cornette’s shock, it ends up being a completely one-sided ass-kicking, with DWB just mauling Bedlam right up until DWB rams him into the turnbuckle, and targeting the head just causes Bedlam to revive, and suddenly, DWB’s in trouble. Cornette adds a tennis racquet to the jaw to lend a little help.

-Bedlam chokes the life out of DWB and gives him a knee to the head. Chinlock clamped on. DWB revives. Bedlam takes him right back down and heads to the top rope. Diving headbutt misses and DWB rolls him up immediately for three to retain. Bedlam bounces right up at three, so DWB’s win looks like a huge fluke.

CHRIS CANDIDO & BRIAN LEE (SMW Tag Team Champions, with Tammy Fytch) vs ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS
-So Candido & Lee have the belts back as a result of the hair vs hair match, but welching on the hair stipulation backfired on them so badly that they’ve retconned it to “Rock & Roll Express chased Lee & Fytch out of the building afterward and then shaved Candido’s head for revenge.” So Candido is wearing this weird looking skin-tight bonnet on his head, supposedly to cover his bald head but actually more likely to cover all the hair he still has.

-Candido backs Ricky Morton into the corner and they slug it out. Morton wins that battle and bulldogs Candido. Lee tries to make the save but boots his own partner, and the heels retreat. Back in, Lee tries his luck with Robert Gibson and it goes badly for him. Candido tags back in and gets bulldogged for two. Commentators notice that Candido has put on a BUNCH of weight lately. It’s weird, too, because you can’t classify it as muscle OR fat. He’s just…bigger. It’s like he did steroids but didn’t do the necessary follow-up effort of actually going to the gym.

-Tammy provides some helpful distraction to finally get Ricky Morton in trouble. Candido clamps on a chinlock. Impressive moment on commentary, as Les Thatcher mentions that Candido’s bonnet looks like the baby bonnet he was forced to wear for a few months. Why does that impress me? Because Les is referring to an angle that happened before he joined the company full-time.

-Brian Lee misses a corner charge and Robert Gibson goes to work. Rare spot, as everyone brawls in the corner and it’s the babyfaces who get Irish whipped into each other. Champs attempt a double team move, but Candido wipes out his partner. Express connects with a double-dropkick, and the Rock & Roll Express get the belts back AGAIN.

-Post-match, Tammy blames Brian Lee for screwing up the match and costing them the titles. Tammy fires Brian, with a brawl erupting between the now-ex-partners. Tammy fires a shot of hairspray to blind Brian Lee and Candido lays a beating on him as we run out of time.

5.0

The final score: reviewNot So Good

The 411

On the surface it might seem like a decent show, but instead of being the peak of the promotion, Night of the Legends just transparently, instantly becomes the visible "beginning of the end" for SMW. Not only is the roster thin, but Cornette put his faith in a lot of the wrong people, and guys who were getting pushed mere weeks ago have all vanished without a trace; the Armstrong Brothers, Chris Walker, Jake Roberts, the Thrillseekers...and honestly, I'm concerned about how sad the next year of shows could potentially make me.