My Friend, The Dictionary Song Lyrics

OLIVE (spoken)
Oh, wait. One second. Please ma’am, could you not sit in that seat?

OLIVE
I saved a chair for my dad
In the fourth row on the aisle
And it may take him a while
But when he gets here
That’s his chair

‘Cause my mother’s in an ashram
In India
I saved a chair for her too
But it’s merely symbolic
As daily she washes herself in the Ganges
And I live in a house
Where there’s an oversized dictionary
That I read
As a girl
On the toilet

I love my dictionary
And I love the indented border
Every word’s in alphabetical order
Ergo, lost things
Always can be found

And I wrap my head around
The fact that in one book
Is the entire language of our species
Which is a favorite term of Nicci’s
Who’s the great-grandfather of Christina Ricci’s
(Laughs)
Yes I joke, but the words in the dictionary
Are the friends that I’ll have forever
More than the friends I have made in school

BOY SPELLERS
She’s such a lovely girl
With a lovely little voice

LOGAINNE
And I heard that she’s pro-choice
Though still a virgin

MS. PERETTI
And she talks into her hand
An often used technique

OLIVE
What you do not understand
Is once I say is then I’ve said it

MS. PERETTI
And so much to her credit
She talks into her hand
And turns aside

OLIVE
So I will not make a mistake
And be disqualified
(spoken) Boanthropy. B-o-a-n-t-h-r-o-p-y? Boanthropy?