Thursday, 29 November 2012

This is the deal people. Saturday heralds the start of a new month, known as December. December is notorious for Christmas, (my birthday) and being slap BANG in the centre of a little something I like to call, WINTER.

I am in shock, that you are in shock, that it is cold outside at the moment.

If only you could Instagram a temperature I am sure that my feed would be full of pictures of COLD at the moment. (If you could instagram a cold kitten then I would be grateful. Ta)

I don't really get to talk to many people on a daily basis (Just the way I like it) but the people I do pass on the street seem to have an opening line at the moment that is making my teeth itch.

It is the first thing out of everyones mouth lately. I now know how cab drivers feel when they pick up a new fare.

"Busy night driver?"

"What time do you finish?"

(Next time you get in the cab, listen to yourself. You WILL ask those questions)

I'm thinking of answering peoples questions about the cold before they even ask them. I will wait until they open their mouth and just reply "Luckily, here in London our temperatures are a little warmer than anywhere else at the moment, imagine living in Scotland or somewhere like that"

Which will be a bugger if they were just going to ask me the time.

So everyone, YES, it is cold. YES, you need a coat. YES, I wish I was indoors too. And NO, I don't care who wins I'm A Celebrity.

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

So this week Britain has experienced serious flooding, and now we are being warned of freezing cold temperatures and snow (In December, I know. Shocking, who would have thought it?)

Anyone else think that now might be a good time to think about hibernation?

Now I'm all for making like a bear and sleeping the whole winter away, (especially this winter) in fact, looking at my BMI, I think I have been preparing my whole life for this exact moment. I've laid down the body fat, sorted out the perfect onesie (comfort is a must for hibernation) and even considered what sort of January snacks I might partake in. (Cakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

I'm not even joking when I talk about hibernation as a serious lifestyle choice. It would certainly save on the heating bills. I would make a duvet cave and just snuggle up underneath it until about April (or May) I would definitely emerge thinner, I will have missed out on all the Christmas shopping stress, (I may just wake up on December 19th for my birthday if that's ok?) and I wouldn't get cold or soaked through.

If there is anything worse than feeling cold AND wet, then I am yet to find it. Hibernation would certain help with that. Warm, dry? If only hibernation was available on the NHS then I think we would end up a lot healthier. Look at the Spanish with their siestas, in my eyes, hibernation is just a longer version of a siesta.

So I'm up for a longer version of a disco nap, anyone care to join me?

Monday, 26 November 2012

So I stop blogging for ONE WEEK, I come back and what do I find (apart from new blog followers. Hello, welcome, sit down over there. No, not that seat, the other one. Thank you, this won't take a minute and then normal service will resume shortly.) I find that you all have embraced a new trend. (Well, I say embraced, some of you have this trend in a headlock from what I can see.)

CHRISTMAS JUMPERS!!!!!!!!!

In one week have you all lost your mind? (and sense of taste?)

Now yes, I admit, I am usually the first to say that everyone should be free to wear what they want and no-one should be judged for what they wear. Well I am REVOKING that rule from this day forward.

What are you all thinking? Please, someone needs to tell me whether
this is something that I can blame Alexa Chung for, (coz that bird is on my shit list anyway, and I will gladly pin this one on her too, if I can.)

IF you are wearing your Christmas jumper ON Christmas day in a vaguely ironic way, then I am right behind you (Pointing and laughing, I grant you, but behind you ALL the way)

But may I point you towards my previous post, It is NOVEMBER, and you are walking around wearing a jumper with a Rudolph face on it and a comic pom pom nose?

Nuh-uh.

But when did this happen anyway? The last time I looked, Christmas jumpers were naff and like onesies only to be worn inside anyway. (Sidenote, if you can find a christmas onesie for me, I will be all over that like a RASH)

Now it seems Christmas jumpers are the this seasons Satchel!!!!

So tell me, Christmas Jumpers?

Naff or Not?

Are YOU purchasing a Christmas jumper or five? or are you not getting behind this trend at all?

Saturday, 17 November 2012

As always, I am fashionably late to the party. I have been
reviewing the British Gas Safe & Secure system for just a little while now
as unfortunately, we had a few “teething problems” to get through before I felt
that I could really start reviewing the system properly.

Firstly I think this is a great system. I am enjoying the
security that I now feel in my home either of a night, or when I am away and
the system is armed. In my home I have three cats so we have gone for pet
motion sensors and they actually work, (There is a strong possibility I may
have tested this out a few times by throwing small pieces of ham down my
kitchen from the front door to make the cats run past the sensors, I can
neither confirm or deny this)

We went for self-installation of the Safe and Secure system
and unfortunately we did find that the instructions were not quite as helpful
as they could have been. Cue lots of scratching of heads and shrugging of
shoulders before a couple of calls to the extremely helpful British Gas Customer
Services team helped us to put it right. I am very much of the opinion that
teething problems can and do happen to anyone, it is how they are dealt with
that people remember and in this case British Gas were extremely efficient and
quick to help out with any issues that were raised.

The Safe & Secure system I am trialling in my family
home has made me feel very “techy” I am the sort of person that quivers when it
comes to recording a tv programme I’ve never watched before because it is too
difficult but lately I have been whipping out my app (not as rude as it sounds)
and setting the alarm and switching off plug sockets at the touch of a button.
Spock has NOTHING on me, nothing.

My initial opinion is that not only is this a seriously cool
alarm system it is also a great way of keeping an eye on the comings and goings
in my home. With a family who are always coming and going at different times of
the day I think it is a great way to see, via the fob system and the app who is
indoors at what time.

As a mother it will be a great way to make sure that my
children are home at the time they were meant to be.

Meredith Wilson is probably spinning in his grave. I'm pretty sure that when he wrote "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" he didn't expect us all to start singing it in mid-October.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas is it Meredith? Sorry mate, but if you were alive today you would have been going beserk through the aisles of Asda by Halloween screaming, "Not yet you fuckers, not yet"

And if you were on Facebook you would certainly have unfriended a few people, let me tell you.

Not only does Christmas start earlier and earlier each year, I seem to be surrounded by people who can't wait to tell me about it.

I don't NEED a countdown to tell me how many days until Christmas it is. It is the same day every year, it never changes. Christmas isn't exactly going to sneak up on me in a ninja stealth attack is it? And if they did change the date one year, just to mix it up a little? Well I am sure that social media would tell me, one way or the other.

And why does Christmas start so early these days anyway? It is the equivalent of sex with a man unable to orgasm. At first, it's fun, you get into it, you enjoy the build up, you think that you will be able to keep up the same level of enthusiasm all the way through it, but then after a while it JUST GETS BORING.

(Thinks twice about putting a joke in here about emptying Santas sack)

Christmas for me starts in December, if you want to get your presents before then? I'm not going to stop you, but refrain from letting me know about it, I beg you. Or I will deliver them for you to a place only your doctor should see. (and you may need to rewrap them)

What do you think?

Anyone else feel that Christmas starts too soon these days?

Or do you enjoy a good build up and can maintain the momentum for a long time yet?

Take one large bowl, check the vodka again to be absolutely sure of the quality then repeat. Turn on the electric mixer thingy. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar, beat again. At this point it may be wise to check the vodka is still at its best, Try it once more, because you are a thorough chef of Nigella standards. Turn off the mixer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in a cup of dried fruit. Pick up the fruit off the floor, wash it and then then add it to the bowl a piece at a time, trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getasa stuck in the beterars, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check on the vodka. Now shit, shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. whatever you can find. greash the oven. turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Dont forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the vodka, and wipe the counter with the cat.

I'm easily pleased, (No, honestly, I am) stick my on the sofa and put on a childrens film and I can quite happily sit for hours watching it. (whether there are children around or not)

You should've seen my little face light up when I watched the trailer for Despicable Me 2. It was a picture of happiness. (Yes, it is in my Youtube favourites, and what of it?)

The problem is, childrens films are really NOT for children are they?

Now I know that a LOT of the plot usually goes straight over the heads of the little cherubins, but I'm starting to think that it is these fluffy-wuffy kiddy films that are making our children grow up too fast and learn too much too soon.

Here are some life lessons you can draw from childrens films.

You love someone, and then they DIE, leaving you alone and sad - UP

Rabbits are EVIL, EVIL bastards - Watership Down (Side note, this film STILL terrifies me so much that I cannot watch it. Even the voices, Oh GOD, the strangely hypnotic bunny voices. Sits in the corner and rocks back and forth)

Your toys come alive when you aren't looking, and sometimes try to kill each other - Toy Story 1, 2 and 3. (Also my 6yr old now has a mortal fear of lava ever since watching Toy Story 3 as well)

When you leave your parents side, bad things happen - Finding Nemo

Step-parents are BAD - Pretty much every Disney film ever.

Even in my beloved Despicable Me, the hero Gru, LIED to adopt three children to help him break into the home of his nemesis.

ARE THESE THE SORT OF FILMS WE WANT OUR CHILDREN TO WATCH?

or basically, what I am asking is, Is it ok to go alone to Despicable Me 2 next summer?

What do you think?

Can you think of any childrens films that have traumatised you, while your child sits oblivious, loving every minute?

Sunday, 11 November 2012

Congratulations Look Magazine and Asos Fashion Finder, congratulations indeed for setting women back a couple of hundred years once again.

Today, I received an email from ASOS Fashion Finder, heralding the start of a new competition with Look Magazine to WIN an internship................

Now firstly, shall we address the winning the chance to work for free issue?

For SOME people, this will be the only way that they can get an opportunity to work on a magazine such as Look. (If you don't appear in Made In Chelsea, they seem to be a bit thin on the ground lately) I HATE these competitions with a vengeance, but I understand why some people enter them, I really do.

So, there is a chance to "win" an internship is there?

"What do I need to do" I hear you ask? Demonstrate your tea and coffee making abilities? Write a 5000 word dissertation on the future of fashion and magazines? Put together a Pinterest board of what fashion icon inspires you and why?

NOPE.

All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning this prize is upload a picture of yourself.

A picture?

Seriously? Look Magazine and ASOS. You are doing that to us? Now some people will say that it is all about style and how you put an outfit together.

Errrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Because as an intern you will be fully responsible for all of the fashion pages won't you?

I DON'T think so.

If Look Magazine are looking for an intern, why not make it less about how you look, and more about what you have to offer? I know many people who would chew their arm off for this opportunity. People who want to get their foot on the ladder in a career that is notoriously difficult to get into.

As you can see, the onesie truly shows off my experience, my qualifications and my years of blogging, and of course I have co-ordinated it with a satchel, coz that is TOTES fashionable and just screams unpaid intern to me.

What do you think?

Should Look Magazine and ASOS Fashion Finder have made their search for an intern all about how they look?

Do I truly rock the piggy onesie?

Will you be voting for me?

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x

UPDATE:

I have been speaking to the lovely Justin from ASOS this afternoon, and at first, I was hopeful that they would be up for changing the competition and at the very least adding an element where people could explain WHY they wanted to work for Look Magazine, (you know, use their brains instead of just their looks) BUT, ASOS have told me that unfortunately their Terms & Conditions mean that they cannot change the rules at this late stage.

BOOOOOOOOOOO

Justin assures me that the pictures will be judged purely on HOW the entrants put together an outfit and interpret A/W '12 fashion.

I say it is STILL a beauty pageant and frankly I am REALLY disappointed.

This week I went along to a press day for Eskimo PR, and in amongst drooling over some gorgeous shoes and light spring knitwear I spied what is going to be either the hottest Christmas present for grown ups this year or become a staple part of the bloggers wardrobe.

I am a HUGE fan of Helen Rochfort bags and the brand in general, but the bag that is going to be hitting the website TOMMORROW is absolutely gorgeous.

According to Helen, the bag will be on the site Monday so get in there fast as it is definitely going to be a BIG seller and it is Limited Edition so HURRY!

Thursday, 8 November 2012

Now before you get your top knots in a tizz, be aware that I am taking the piss (slightly)

There are quite a lot of us around now, (bloggers are breeding like Nadya Suleman) and like a zebra has its stripes, bloggers have developed a uniform and style so that we can recognise each other in the wild (Top Shop, Oxford St)
So just for you guys, just in case you don't realise,

You know you're a blogger when,

You constantly have your iPhone out, ready to instagram the shit out of the weather. (If I see one more picture of rain, I'm going to dig out an old picture of the summer and start messing with peoples heads)

You have ombre'd hair.(Oh stop looking so shocked, you know it's true. If you also wear it in a top knot, then you are a walking, talking cliche. Deal with it)

Every conversation you ever have, is possible blog fodder.(You start talking to friends about names for penises and a little lightbulb goes off in your head.............. This might just be me, but I doubt it)

You talk about people you have never met before as if they are your BFFs(You always use their blog names though, as you can't remember their real names)
You go nowhere without a camera(Those OOTD pictures aren't going to take themselves you know)

You tweet and blog about things, before you have even told your family(Guilty, so sue me)

You look down at your wrist and check the time on your Micheal Kors Rose Gold watch(See disclaimer about taking the piss)

Your dinner goes cold because you have to find the right filter on instagram(X-Pro II, you're welcome)

You carry a satchel.(You have to have somewhere to carry that camera, iPhone and iPad don't you?)

Usually I would start Monday with a round up of the previous week, but seeing as I have been stuck in a tin box on wheels in deepest darkest Great Yarmouth without so much as a phone signal, the only round up I can give you of the week is that my bones are still cold and my feet may never completely dry out again. (and I may also be developing webbed feet)

Enough of a round up for you?

Have I missed anything exciting while I was gone? Any controversy in the world of blogging, or are we still "blogging for ourselves" Talking about, "Follow links are bad" and fighting amongst ourselves over trivial matters? Yes? Ok, as you were people, the bloggosphere is as it was.

What else? Hmmmmmmmmm, I have some blog posts coming up for you this week, some may be funny, some may be ranty.

What do you prefer? Or what DON'T you like.

Let me know.

Also, don't forget that you can find me once a week over at www.inthepowderroom.com now. Ranting at its finest. (and I can use the C word. Without so much as a raised eyebrow!!)