Today is the 12th anniversary of my receiving a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS). In honor of that blessed day I want to share a small portion of my new book, Be Your Own Superhero: A Road Map to Resilience when Faced with Chronic Dis-ease in the hope that it will bring comfort and inspiration to others who may be suffering from chronic stress or illness as well as encourage you to read/share my book. I promise it will be life-changing for the positive!

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny – C.S. Lewis

My Message to MS After Diagnosis

You entered my life out of the blue in 2006, like a freight train derailing at top speed, and changed everything. You put me on the road less traveled; one that I would have ignored otherwise. As much as I tried to stay the course of my normal existence, you pushed me in the direction of another – the one truly meant for me even though I didn’t recognize it at the time.

As I navigated this new life path, you tried with all your might to knock me down, but I refused to fall. Through your challenging lessons you have shown me that I am not weak but strong; not hopeless but determined; and not diseased but healthy for me. You have become an integral part of me and although I occasionally stumble, I always pick myself up, dust myself off and start anew. You may always be the proverbial “elephant in the room” but I have learned to look past your oversized body and see everything else for the blessings they are.

When you first came into my life many people asked me, “Why you?” and my reply was simple: “Because I can handle it.” I find your entering my life to be the greatest gift I ever received. You awakened within me a strength I didn’t realize I had and taught me to live the life I want, not the one others think I should. You taught me a greater empathy for others who live their lives in constant suffering and gave me the tools to pass on my knowledge to help them be their own best advocates in order to live well. You also taught me what I have known all along even though I didn’t consciously realize it: when chaos arrives at my front door I do not panic. I respond with resilience.

Learning to overcome adversity is truly one of life’s gifts. When faced with a challenge there is always an opportunity that lies within that can be discovered by Getting clear, Increasing understanding, Focusing and Taking action (G.I.F.T.). You offered me an opportunity, and through it I discovered my purpose of being and am able to live my best, healthiest life. Thanks to you I have come into my own. And although it is a long road to accepting and coming to terms with your existence, I know I have the courage and faith necessary to thrive.

Through my story I will teach others how to navigate their life’s journey to their best ability by sharing how I traverse each step, each stumble and each giant leap, walking together down the path of life, taking that road less traveled.

I received the first-round of edits back from my editor. Bless her soul; she really put a tremendous amount of effort into this. Not only is the original document marked up with numerous comments, she wrote a multiple-page commentary detailing the strong areas as well as the weak ones. To say the least, I am overwhelmed although not discouraged due to the tremendous cheerleading my editor continues to do on my behalf. After reading through everything, I put it aside to let my thoughts percolate.

After thinking about everything for a few days, I sat at my computer ready to tackle the challenge of all these edits. Taking it one section at a time, I was able to visualize in my mind’s eye where my editor wanted me to go; understanding the areas I had not made myself clear or was redundant. Once I made all of the requested changes, I re-read the entire proposal. Something didn’t feel right. My subconscious was nagging at me only I wasn’t sure why. Once again I set everything aside and let my mind rest.

To get my mind off of the task at hand, I went to a movie. The film told the story of an elderly man’s journey after losing his wife. It struck a chord in me so deep because parts echoed my own journey with my father’s illness this previous year (although thankfully no one died). As I returned home, I realized what was ‘wrong’ with my book proposal. Because I had to write a sample chapter out of the order of writing the actual book, I had written it directed to the reader just like I write articles. Nowhere was my voice telling my journey. And since this is a teaching memoire, my story needed to be there. Within an hour I had re-written the entire chapter; my soul was pleased.

Now that I am ready to send my revisions back to the editor for the second official round, I experience another nagging feeling. I’ve included parts that Hay House used in their book proposal sample given to me at their Writer’s Workshop but my editor does not use those same parts in her proposal template. Which one is correct? Is there a right and wrong? If I take out one section, does that mean I need to write another? I’m super confused and want to produce the absolute best possible proposal I can. So, now what do I do?

My editor comes to the rescue!! After a slew of emails she offers to have a phone conversation with me so we can talk through what direction we mutually feel is best to follow. I am so blessed that she is willing to give me this extra time and that she feels as vested in my project as I do. Together we will take a step back; looking at the big picture and then we’ll dissect the parts in order to ensure we include only the ones that lead us back to the overall final/big picture I am painting with my book.

Last week I experienced my first Soul Journey. Having no idea what to expect, I was told that I would be taking an in-depth look inside my own heart. Being able to visualize a physical journey within was necessary which left me skeptical since my visualization skills are less than ideal. With an open mind and heart, I laid down on the bed with a light covering over my eyes. A soft, steady Indian drum beat accompanied by rhythmic music quietly played in the background while my guide used her voice and the expressive sounds of singing bowls to guide me.

“Imagine a staircase going into your heart…” was how we began. At first I saw nothing. Slowly a circular staircase appeared and I cautiously took a step down. My imagination kept getting interrupted by my preconceived disparity between reality and visualization. Once I relaxed, my hand gently hovered above the rail as I descended the white, glass, smooth steps of a circular staircase. Down, down, down I went…suddenly yet gently arriving at the bottom.

At first, I am surrounded by darkness. As my guide’s voice instructs, I continue to try to see around me. Light enters and a garden reveals itself. I can feel the warmth of the sunlight on my face and feel aglow with its energy. As I begin to take a few steps deeper into the garden, a quasi-real/cartoonish rabbit appears. It keeps trying to take my hand as if to say, “Come with me” yet as hard as I try to reach out, my hand slips away. Out of the corner of my eye I see a shadow figure that’s masculine and it distracts me from the rabbit. It sits very still and erect on a bench with his arms stretched wide resting on the seatback. All it does is observe.

My guide instructs me to walk around and as I do I come upon a body of water. It glistens in the sunlight and brings me energy and comfort simultaneously. As I kneel down to study my reflection in the water, all I see is sparkling light. When I look a bit upward toward the horizon, I see a male rising from that shimmering light – my guide thinks this might be my future husband. Continuing to examine the light, I recognize that I am the sparkling light, and as I come to this realization the shadow figure shifts on the bench to one side as if to relax and say, “This is good.” Perhaps it is pleased that I finally see my true self: light reflecting in the water.

The cartoonish rabbit remains by my side and keeps gesturing his paw over his face as if he’s being bashful or coy. He also keeps trying to reach out to take my hand; urging me to come with him. I begin to sob because I’m suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of “it’s all going to be okay.” I don’t understand yet know that’s the message he’s trying to convey. My relief is so profound it is actually physical, not simply emotional.

My guide instructs me to leave the body of water and go see if any physical messages present themselves. Oddly enough as I rise and turn around I see the old climbing tree from the corner near our house when I was growing up. Instead of leaves, it is sprouting with slips of paper. As I reach out and pick one of these slips of paper I see that it is blank – they are all blank. Again I am apparently not ready to learn of the message meant for me. Patiently to my side is the rabbit who seems quite pleased I have discovered this tree even though no messages appear.

It is time to leave my inner heart and ascend the staircase back to reality. I leave with a new sense of comfort knowing that whatever is next in my life journey, all will be okay and I can stop worrying. As I flutter my eyes open, I am in awe of what I just experienced. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to have such a vivid journey.

In our discussion following; my guide and I toyed with the idea that I was the shadow observing myself as I explored what is next in my life. The blank slips of paper represented my lack of clarity of my future yet the rabbit – my apparent Spirit Guide – wants me to come with him so he can reveal my next chapter. And although I feel safe, I am not quite ready to follow. My homework is to write the rabbit letters asking what he wants of me while waiting to see if he answers.

The other day when meeting with my Rabbi for healing prayer, I mentioned this Soul Journey and together we came up with a bit of a different hypothesis. The shadow on the bench was HaShem (male divine presence of God) and my sparkling reflection in the water; the Shechinah (female divine presence of God). And my Spirit Guide was there to help me bring HaShem and Shechinah together inside me/as me for complete healing of my body and soul.

Whatever the message, I will continue to listen with an open heart and mind. I believe in myself and the spirits that surround me and know that my purpose is far greater than I can currently comprehend. Soon all will be revealed…I just have to relax, feel safe, and allow it to unfold.

Have you ever experienced a Soul Journey? If so, please share in the comments below.