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Her situation is that she's been separated from her husband since last September;she contacted me vai another dating site, and things have been progressing naturally,gradually, and wonderfully.

Her life is complicated; she's studying for her Master's degree in Teaching, her motheris in the throes of cancer treatment, and she has two young children under the age ofeight, of which she has custody of six days out of seven.

I was having lunch with her yesterday when her husband rang - as it turns out,it concerned him proof-reading one of her assignments for her degree.

He's been told that she is now 'dating people', but not exclusively, and, in particular, not me.

For more obvious reasons, her mother hasn't been told about me,but nor have her other closer relatives,nor her separated husband.

I've introduced her to my family and friends, and so it's a slightly weird situation whereby this asymmetricalinclusiveness puts a strange tilt on our relationship.

My question is: given that she's clearly compromised about our connection, should I continue to reassure herabout the status quo, or insist upon a disclosure on her part towards her family and friends, but, specifically,her husband?

I'm utterly relaxed about our current situation, but I can plainly see that it's causing her major discomfort; might a firm word from me encourage a sort of cathartic resolution?

Know your laws! In at least ONE U S State, there is a law on the books that has been enforced, called Alienation Of Affection. In that particular state, I have heard that there is also a 3 year Statute Of Limitations.

Anyway, separated means she hasn't tied up her loose ends. She seems content to have a bunch of them. You are just one more!

My question is: given that she's clearly compromised about our connection, should I continue to reassure herabout the status quo, or insist upon a disclosure on her part towards her family and friends, but, specifically,her husband?

I'm utterly relaxed about our current situation, but I can plainly see that it's causing her major discomfort; might a firm word from me encourage a sort of cathartic resolution?

Bwahaha! Can you hear yourself talking? You are CLEARLY NOT "relaxed!"

Depends. Why is she only separated and not divorced? If they truly are split for good, who she dates really isnt any of her husband's concern. Introducing you to the rest of her life though (closer relatives) should be a given if you are at that point, which it sounds like you are since you are doing so with her.

This is a tough one. If I'm doing the math correctly, you began dating in late January, which means it's only been 3 to 4 months since she separated from her husband. That's a relatively short time for a married person to start dating seriously again.

I wouldn't put any demands on her for disclosure as that could drive her away. However, please be cautious and protective of your own heart. It's clear to me you have serious feelings for her since you introduced her to your family. I'm not so sure that sentiment is returned.

That's because she's not all in. Josh, this woman is going to need a lot more than you giving her a firm word to ease her discomfort. She is going to need to resolve her relationship with her husband (who she is still relying on.)

as it turns out, it concerned him proof-reading one of her assignments for her degree.

I'm sure that her university offers a writing lab that would happily have assisted with this; instead, she chose him.

Once she is actually DONE with the marriage she'll more than likely need some time to heal from the divorce. The last thing she needs is to be dating someone who is going to give her ultimatums. If you're truly content with the situation then enjoy it. If you're looking for something long term, I'd rethink this one. The timing is not right for it.

Kudos for being as brave as you are. That's a heck of a lot of baggage to deal with in a partner. Wow... I honestly wouldn't be joining a dating site if I wasn't even divorced yet, but that's just me. I also wouldn't get involved with someone while they're still in a relationship with someone. They may be separated, but they're still legally married. I've been through divorce myself and I'm a firm believer in taking time for yourself after ending a relationship. a person really does need time to reflect, heal and move on before jumping into another relationship.

Since my fiancee was separated when we started dating, I think I can offer you a little insight into what you need to see from the woman you're dating to make it worth your while to date a woman who is separated and not divoreced.

Her life is complicated;

The very first thing she needs to do is uncomplicate her life. In particular:

I was having lunch with her yesterday when her husband rang - as it turns out,it concerned him proof-reading one of her assignments for her degree.

She needs to get her soon to be ex husband out of the picture except for whatever is absolutely necessary for the kids. If she won't do that, then she's a married woman you're having sex with, not a woman who is separated and jjust awaiting the divorce to make it official.

He's been told that she is now 'dating people', but not exclusively, and, in particular, not me.

Maybe the guy is a psycho and she'd rather not have him know about you.

For more obvious reasons, her mother hasn't been told about me,but nor have her other closer relatives,nor her separated husband.

It's only been three months, so her relatives not knowing about you doesn't mean much, especially since she isn't divorced yet. Her relatives may disapprove of her dating before the divorce is final and she may not want to create any tension, especially if it makes her relatives see you as an opportunist who is taking advantage of her marital problems. On the other hand, thee's no reason for to even be talking to her husband for any reason other than filing the divorce papers and dealing with kids. You're also liability in divorce court.

Why the hell do you want her husband to know about you? Are you planning to become buddies with him and go out for a few beers to shoo the shit every now and then? I've never met my fiancee's (now) ex husband and the last time my fiancee saw her ex husband was before she and I ever met. I'm sure she said something to him when they exchanged a few emails and phone calls to get the divorce filed, but, he woudn't who the hell I was if I stood in front of him and talked to him. I'm not sure if he even knows my first name and that doesn't bother me in the least. He's just baggage that got left when she walked out on him.

The bottom line is that if she isn't willing to act like she's divorced and relegate her husband to the status, ``I want nothing to do with him except what's required for the kids,'' you should not think of whatever you're doing with her as dating. At best, you're having sex with a married woman and if you aren't having sex, whatever else you think is going on is a delusion. Unless all you want is sex, you're wasting your time until her husband becomes an ex husband and she loses interest in talking to him.

Why is she only separated and not divorced?

Ther could be lots of reasons. When my fiancee left her husband, she moved 200 miles away to start over and at the time, she did not have health insurance through an employer. She waited until she got her own health insurance before getting the papers filed. During the interim, she had major surgery and without her health insurance through her husband, she'd have been 40,000.00 in debt. From my perspective, her health mattered more to me than having her file the papers right away, since for anything related to our relationship, her husband might as well have lived in Antarctica on an ice flow.

I've met a lot of women who were ostensibly divorced, but who were far less single for all practical purposes than my fiancee.

If I considered this sort of arrangement at all...the best thing I would do in your position is fly as far beneath the radar as possible. As has been said a few times...you're are there to make a tough situation easier by filling a void, NOT complicate it with your needs.

In relationships like this, it becomes several times more important to know your role, fulfill that role, and let the more intricate parts of the relationship work themselves out gradually.

You are single and free to date whoever and whenever you want to, but why do you assume you are in any position to expect her to complicate her life even further by doing a big reveal of your relationship? What's the point? Is"Insist upon disclosure" "A firm word from to encourage a cathartic resolution" for who? She does not want her Ex or her family to get involved.

You've only been dating a few months, she is still married. The odds of this progressing past a rebound are about a million to one. Right now with what she has on her plate you are just the guy she happens to be fooling around with, no more. If you want a real long term partner she is hardly in a position to give that to you at this time.

Hmmm. You're dating a married woman. And you want to insist on a disclosure to her family and friends about it? The visual of that old Saturday Night Live sketch, "Bad Idea Jeans" is suddenly running through my head.

Know your laws! In at least ONE U S State, there is a law on the books that has been enforced, called Alienation Of Affection. In that particular state, I have heard that there is also a 3 year Statute Of Limitations.

The OP doesn't live in the USA, but it is always good to check the laws in your jurisdiction. North Carolina, for example, has had several huge judgment against the third party (not one of the spouses) in such cases. And even if your state is a "No Fault" state, the "no fault" does not usually apply statutorily to a third party.

Honestly, you have to "standing" in the lineup of all that is demanding attention from her.....it is so unlikely that there will be any long term relationship with her, however, if you really want that, then your best bet is to be a relief, not any demand, and to actually be her friend...that would mean asking for almost nothing and giving support and understanding. I personally think your relationship is doomed, as it appears that you want to "assert" yourself, and that's what'll shoot you right out the door.

OP, independently form any possible legal issues, if you are really "utterly relaxed" about your current situation, why even entertaining the idea about insisting on "disclosure on her part...."?

Look, the lady in question obviously has a lot on her plate: Recently separated, two young kids, studying for her masters and a dying mother.

And there you think about insisting on "disclosure" ??? She obviously has more pressing matters on her mind, so you will have to take a back seat, to put it bluntly. You best just remain "utterly relaxed" about it if you want your thing to continue.

I was having lunch with her yesterday when her husband rang - as it turns out,it concerned him proof-reading one of her assignments for her degree.

Did she let it go to message or answer the call infront of you? If she answered it and chatted, you are screwed.

Sorry but this has rebound written all over it UNLESS you use a little strategy. If you want long term with her you need to tell her to take care of business and to give you a call when she is free and single. It is asymetrical as you said, and needs to be an even playing field for your relationship to grow.

Because a person's attitude about an ex or soon to be ex doesn't change just because the papers have or haven't been signed. I've dated on woman in my life who was separated - my fiancee - and she was a lot more single than a lot of women who have already signed the papers. She had been awa yfrom her husband for more than 2 years and shortly after we started dating, she got the paperwork taken care of with nothing but a few emails a phone call or two and a fedexed document. A better question would be, ``why do people date those who still have their exes in their lives, divorced or not?'' The judges signature is a legal matter, not a new perspective on one's ex.