Politics, Politicians, and Political Jokes

“The dirty world of politics is the world of lie, hypocrisy and shortsightedness. Politicians are sick people who only care about power and money. Politicians see people as sheep, and love to play the role of shepherd. Politicians love sheep, and people who live like sheep. Politicians hate the truth, and people who care about the truth and those who ask serious question. Unfortunately, the dirty world of politics is not just a small or limited world. Politicians have polluted the whole world. They decide about our life and our world. Politicians decide where we should live, how we should live, how we should think, or how we should shit. The dirty world of politics is the world of sick people. Politicians live like animals. They love the logic of animals and the law of the jungle. Politicians see the world as a jungle, and humans as animals. Politicians only care about power and animal interests. Politicians call animal interests ‘national interests’ or ‘national security’. They believe we should f-u-ck other people and other nations, because it’s in our national interests. But it’s the law of the jungle, and even the wise animals, that have a social life, know that sometimes they should forget the law of the jungle and they should help each others to have a better life. Politicians and their ‘National interests’ and their ‘National security’ belong to the Stone Age and the Tribalism Age, when humans lived like animals. ‘National interests’ and ‘National security’ are tribal values. They are among the stupid tribal customs. In the modern human life, the modern humans say good bye to the stupid tribal values and tribal customs. The wise humans care about the whole world, the truth, and all people, not just about their own tribe. Only the primitive, backward or medieval societies still live in the Tribalism Age. But Politicians ask all of us to live in the Tribalism Age. And unfortunately, many people, specially many Westerners, still live in the Tribalism Age. The American Chauvinism that they call it American Nationalism or American Patriotism, belongs to the Tribalism Age. European Fascism and Nazism belong to the Tribalism Age, too. In the Tribalism Age, people lived like animals and with the logic of animals. They saw the world as a jungle, and thought the world only has one law: the law of the jungle: ‘Kill others, otherwise, they kill you’. All Politicians still ask us to live in the Tribalism Age. And those who live like sheep, follow their politicians like sheep. And they deserve to be treated like sheep”, the witty guys say. The political humors and good political jokes always tell the truth, but in a satirical way. Let’s take a look at some other political jokes and think more about this shitty world and the dirty world of politics. Unfortunately, we all are victims of the dirty world of politics and the stupid politicians, but unfortunately, this shitty world is still full of stupid people. Only a few people are aware of the important problems and try to do something about them.

Politics and Mathematics

A wise Iranian, an Iranian Baboon, an Islamist Reformist, Masoud Behnoud, Reza Pahlavi, Khomeini, Khamenei, Khatami, the Iranian opposition, Mr. Balatarin, a Basij thug, an Iranian Monarchist, an American, an Briton, an Isreali, and a German apply for job and also for visa, from a western country. The interviewer, that is a veteran politician, asks them only one question, and decides about their job and their visa. The interviewer calls in the wise Iranian and asks “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The wise Iranian replies “4”. The interviewer asks “4, exactly?” The wise Iranian looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, 4, exactly”. Then the interviewer calls in the Iranian baboon and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The Iranian baboon says “I don’t know. I just want visa and money, and I’m ready to eat shit and kiss your ass”. The interviewer calls in the Islamist-Reformist and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The Islamist-Reformist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “What do you want it to equal?”. Then the interviewer calls in Masoud Behnoud and poses the same question, “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” Behnoud says “It depends on how much you want to pay my team”. The interviewer calls in Reza Pahlavi and ask the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” Reza Pahlavi replies: “4000”. The interviewer asks “4000? Really ?!” Reza Pahlavi gets nervous and says: “I’m not sure. Maybe, it’s 70 million. But we can have a referendum and the people decide about my answer“. The interviewer calls in Khomeini and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” Khomeini says: “We and Islam know the answer, but we will have a referendum and the people will decide about the answer”. The interviewer calls in Khamenei and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” Khamenei says: “4, but as Queen Elizabeth believes the right answer is 4 billion, your answer is 4 billion”. The interviewer calls in Khatami and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” Khatami says: “What Khomeini and Khamenei say is the right answer. They are my masters and people’s masters, and we should accept what they dictate to us. It’s the freedom and democracy”. The interviewer calls in the Iranian opposition and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The Iranian opposition says: “As you know, all people, including Mr. Pahlavi, Mr. Hitler, Mr. Khomeini, and Mr. Bin Laden are free to have their own answer. We all are free to fool the people. We all need gestures of democracy. Only God knows the real answer”. The interviewer calls in Mr. Balatarin and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” Mr. Balatarin says: “We should respect the freedom and democracy. We think Mr. Pahalvi is right, and the answer is something between 4,000 to 70 million. We, i.e. the CIA, the Mullah Gestapo and me, believe that each person should have his own answer, and we can get money from each person and can allocate an answer to each of them. So, each person can pay us and buy an answer for himself. It’s the freedom and democracy. In fact, the money, the CIA, and the Mullah Gestapo are important things, not the truth or the answer of your question“. The interviewer calls in the Basiji thug and ask the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The Basiji pulls out his knife and says: “The answer is what you and my masters say. I will kill and torture anyone who says the answer is anything else”. The interviewer calls in the Iranian Monarchist and ask the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The Iranian Monarchist pulls out his gun and says: “The answer is what you and his Majesty, Reza Pahlavi, say. We will have a referendum and the people are forced to vote for his Majesty. Long Life His Majesty”. The interviewer calls in the American and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The American says: “for Americans it’s 4 billions, and for Iranians it’s zero”. The interviewer calls in the Briton and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The Briton says: “It’s 4.99987645, but for Iranians it’s 0.123412”. The interviewer calls in the I-s-r-e-ali and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The I-s-r-a-eli says: “This question is a threat for our national security. You are an anti-Semite, and should be erased”. The interviewer calls in the German and asks the same question “What do 2 plus 2 equal?” The German says: “It’s 4, but as the US pays us, and for the sake of Mr. Reza Pahlavi, it’s 4,000”.

The interviewer decided about applications, and here is his report about the applicants: The wise Iranian: Rejected (no visa; no job); These people should be censored and silenced. The Iranian baboon: OK; They are useful idiots. The Islamist Reformist: OK; He can be one of us. Masoud Behnoud: OK; He is a good mercenary. Reza Pahlavi: OK; He is a congenital idiot and a useful puppet. Khomeini: OK; he can the leader of our regime in Iran. Khamenei: OK; Queen Elizabeth should decide about his job. Khatami: OK; He is a useful spineless coward. The Iranian opposition: OK. They are stupid whores. Mr. Balatarin: OK; We should write him a check for $1 million. He is a good agent. Basij thug: OK; We should send more weapons to our Basiji brothers for killing Iranians. The Iranian Monarchist: OK; he is like the Basiji thug; Long Life His Majesty! The American: OK; no problem. The Briton: OK; such a high IQ he has. The Isreali: OK; as wise and lovely as usual. The German: OK; a lovely bastard.

Humans and History

Politics and Cows

A CHRISTIAN FANATIC: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your church, for preparing for Armageddon.
AN AMERICAN SOCIALIST: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your beloved lifelong dictators.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbors have none, because you have killed all their cows.
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbors have none. You just repeat: Everything is fine.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both. You are poor. But you still worship the Communist Manifesto.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both. Then you kill other people and seize their cows.
AN AMERICAN INTELLECT: You have two cows. You keep one and sell one to support Hugo Chavez and other dictators.
AN AMERICAN CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and kill all other cows.
AN AMERICAN : You have two cows. Your gov. takes other people’s cows, but you are happy. You are blind. Now, it’s your turn.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You ask your gov. to wage a new war and kill more cows.
A FRENCH WORKER: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want more milk.
A JAPANESE BRAIN: You have two cows. You redesign them, so they produce more milk; but it leads to a nuclear disaster.
A GERMAN MEDIA: You love cows. You kiss Reza Pahlavi’s ass and praise the Monarchy. You become a cow.
A BRITISH Media: You love cows, Mullahs, and politicians. You are master at telling big lies. Cows love you, too.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You still think about those days that you sucked other nations’ blood and had 2,000 cows.
A RUSSIAN : You had three cows. One of them belonged to Persia, but now you just have Putin and Medvedev as your cows.
A SWISS : You have 5 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A TURK CORPORATION: You have two cows. But for making more profits, you work as the third cows.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You export your milks to other countries.
AN ISRAELI POLITICIAN: You have four cows, but want more. You see other cows and other people as a threat. You are sick.
A MULLAH: You have two cows: a British cow and an Arab cow. You kill Iranians and their cows, with the help of the UK.
A BASIJI THUG: You are a cow. You have a Canadian visa or a British passport. You love being cow. You love blood.
AN IRANIAN MONARCHIST: You are a cow who has a cow. You stole your cow from the Iranian people.
IRANIAN OPPOSITION: You are a cow. You sell your meat and your milk for a visa. You eat shit and kiss ass. You’re a sick cow
AN IRANIAN EXPAT: You are a cow. You live abroad. You love cows and the sheep, and hate humans and Iranians.
AN ARAB POLITICIAN: You are a cow who eat other cows. You love shit, and hate humans and Iranians.
A PAN-ARAB: You are a racist cow. You think Arab cows are better than other cows. You hate humans.
A PAN-TURK: You are a racist cow. You claim that Turk cows are humans, but humans are cows.
AN AMERICAN CHAUVINIST: You think other people are cows. You see humans as cows, while you yourself are a cow.
AN EUROPEAN FASCIST: You just love yourself and your cows. You kill humans and cows. You suffer from mad cow disease.
AN AMERICAN POLITICIAN : You pretend that you love cows and humans, while you suffer from mad cow disease. You aid the Mullahs in killing Iranians. You love war, hatred, threat, sanction, Mullahs, Arabs, and other cows. You hate humanity
OBAMA: You are a stupid monkey, not a cow. What are you doing here ? Go to your own cage.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012 at 8:38 pm and is filed under Humor and Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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