Inside the Workers' Union

Today, I met the head of the WU (Workers' Union), Taffy McScab. The WU have recently organised a number of strikes across the UK, from Devon cheesemakers to Scottish sheep-shagging holiday tour guides.

Me: Hello, Mr MrScab.

TM: Hi.

Me: So, you've had a number of successful strikes recently.

TM: That we have. Chuffing great they were and all.

Me: What exactly have you achieved with these strikes?

TM: Well, that depends on the individual strike. If you take the butcher's strike in Dudley the other week, we had animal carcasses piling up neck-high. That was enough to let the evil bosses know that it's really the workers who control everything.

Me: What happened in that case?

TM: Unfortunately, the place was closed down due to health and safety, but we still consider it a victory, as workers are no longer being exploited there.

Me: How were their workers being exploited?

TM: They were only being paid twice the minimum wage, and had barely 30 days holiday a year.

Me: That doesn't sound very exploitative.

TM: No, but we could have had more. You see, when a union puts pressure on its bosses, it's always to get more money.

Me: Isn't that a bit greedy?

TM: It's no worse than the bosses are doing. They start their own businesses, take people on at an agreed contracted rate, then they continue to pay those people at that rate. They should be continually improving working conditions.

Me: Were the working conditions bad?

TM: They were well within the official legal standards, but we're always looking for that bit extra.

Me: I see. How about the recent doorman's strike, which gained a lot of publicity?

TM: Yes, doormen are very poorly paid. They stand there outside hotels in all weathers, waiting for rich people to come along so that they can hold the door open for them. It's important work, but they were barely on the minimum wage. During the strike, some of those rich people had to open the doors themselves.

Me: Yes, that would sort of imply that doormen are not very useful.

TM: What are you saying?? These are proud working men! They deserve a job. Even if it's just digging a hole and filling it in again, they should be paid for it.

Me: Why were the doormen striking?

TM: Because I persuaded them to. They deserved more money.

Me: And what happened after the strike?

TM: They were all fired because people realised thought weren't needed. Stupid efficient capitalists.