Portland Marriage Counselor: 5 Biggest Relationship Mistakes

When you’re involved in a relationship, even when things are going smoothly and life feels perfect, somewhere in the back of your mind you probably know that you and your partner are going to hit a roadblock.

It won’t necessarily be a major catastrophe and it certainly doesn’t have to end or even threaten your relationship, but the fact is that nothing in life is smooth sailing one hundred percent of the time. So, you might as well prepare yourself for those inevitable roadblocks, even if they turn out to be nothing more than hiccups. It never hurts to be prepared.

Learning From Those Who Came Before

The Huffington Post recently compiled a list of some of the top relationship regrets from people whose marriages have fallen apart. If you heed their advice, you may be able to avoid similar mistakes and save yourself some trouble down the road.

Some of these top relationship mistakes include:

Not speaking up. In all healthy relationships, effective communication is key. This means that if something is bothering you, speak up. Don’t let resentment build—that will only wind up disastrous for you and your partner.

Not living in the moment. Although it sounds practical to plan for the future, don’t get carried away. If you’re living too much in the future—stressing over kids’ college educations, putting money away for retirement, etc.—it can take your attention away from the present, which could lead to your partner feeling neglected or shut out.

Being inauthentic. This is one of the most important truths of successful relationships: Be who you are. If you start a relationship on false pretenses—anything from swearing that you love basketball when you couldn’t care less to lying about where you come from—you risk setting yourself into a pattern of inauthenticity that could be disastrous in the future.

Believing your marriage is divorce-proof. For a lot of people, divorce is a distant reality. People know that divorce happens, but they believe it won’t happen to them. This is a common mistake, but it can be fatal. It’s important to remember that while your marriage certainly is not destined to fail, the possibility exists. This will make you more aware of your relationship in the present.

Refusing to be vulnerable. It’s important for your partner to see all sides of you, and that includes the vulnerable side. No one is strong all the time, and to act that way is dishonest and unfair to your partner. Even though it may be uncomfortable at first, allowing your partner to see you at your most vulnerable will only bring you closer.

Obstacles are bound to come up even in the happiest and healthiest relationships. The good news is that even if you cannot avoid these situations entirely, you can at least plan for them.