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I feel like if J.F.K came back today he would be pissed off:
"Why in the hell does that piece of shit Lincoln gets to be on the $5 bill and the penny?! Those are like the 2 most popular ones!! And I just get to be on the 50 cent coin?! THE 50 CENT COIN!!? YOU CAN'T EVEN USE THOSE ON A VENDING MACHINE!!! I was the last president to be assassinated for crying out loud! Sorry Reagan step your game up. I fucked Marilyn Monroe! Put me on the dime at least. Roosevelt?! That overrated fuck?! What did he ever do? I can't think of one thing. He couldn't even walk. What a loser. Than you gave that indian chick the gold dollar?! WTF!!! FUCK THE WEST. I AM PRETTY SURE WE WOULD HAVE FOUND IT ONE DAY. Sacagawea? What kind of dumb name is that anyway? And she is 2 times better than me? Are you high? Yea I am sure putting her on a coin nobody uses makes up for us stealing their land.......GIVE ME SOMETHING!....Hey I know. Do you know how sometimes you end up having a Canadian nickel somehow. Why don't you guys that collect all of them and put my face on them!!! That is the least you could do for me. I mean I did help fake the moon landing."

9-11 shirts:

I never will get why people wear those 9-shirts. It seems like they are supporting 9-11. The shirt is pretty much saying "I am a big fan" or are they reminding us? Cause I feel like we haven't forgot yet. I mean the slogan was "never forget" I feel like 9-11 is the only event that has t-shirts for it. I am pretty sure there wasn't anyone rocking a Holocaust after that was over or a shirt that says " I had a blast visiting OKC! I feel like people would react in a different way" No I am not supporting it I am just reminded you about Sandy Hook. Man that sucked right? Well at least I got this shirt out of it so I guess it wasn't a total loss."

Robin Hood:

I wonder if Robin Hood keeps a percentage of the money he steals for himself. I mean arrows are not free and I am pretty sure those all green outfits are not made of deer fur. Those things are custom made. How rich do you have to be for Robin Hood to even think about robbing you? I feel like getting robbed by Robin Hood would be something to beg about. I mean if he doesn't steal from you than you can't be that rich. "Shit! Robin Hood got me again! That is the 3rd time this month. Did he get you yet?......oh don't worry things will pick-up for you."What is his plan anyway? If he keeps stealing from the rich and giving it to the poor than the poor will become the rich and the rich will be become the poor. Would he just steal the money back than? That is a vicious cycle. What if I worked hard all my life to be rich and Robin Hood just comes and steals it away? How fair is that? He must be part of that 47% Romney was talking about.

Dracula:

There is one thing that always comes to mind when I think of Dracula and that is how does he keep himself so well groomed if he can't see himself in the mirror. It doesn't add up

Buying luggage at the airport:

Every time I am at the airport I see a place that is selling luggage. Who would ever buy luggage at the airport? "Man I need a bag well I guess I will buy one here. Oh look it is only $500! What a deal" Also who are these assholes who is showing up to the airport holding everything they are taking saying "DAMN IT! I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING!"

People with cancer/cancer research

Is it mean to say that people that have cancer become the biggest assholes ever. I get it! You are sick. Get over yourself! I mean they have all of these walks and marathons for them. That seems really messed up. They are sick and I got to run for them? I mean every time I get sick I don't make people walk for me right?!

That is why I don't give money for cancer research. I just don't get it. How much money do they need? Is there some fee for looking into something that I don't know about? "Yea I would like to look into stopping cancer." "Ok that will be 47 trillion dollars please....oh you don't have that. Well that sucks he got some great answers back here." I don't know how they do the research anyway. Do they just eat random things. "Ok Joe eat this nickel......you still have cancer? Shit! Ok try this Butterfinger. Nothing! Damn we need another 47 trillion.