Ask Nicci: Big age difference can be a huge problem

Wednesday

Aug 31, 2011 at 12:01 AMSep 1, 2011 at 6:58 PM

I am a 52-year-old male in a relationship with a 30-year-old woman, but truthfully I am only in this relationship for the perks, versus the long-term commitment. Lately I've wondered if she is more interested in dating closer to her age. I love her and do not want to lose her, however I wonder if it's best to let her go? - Young at Heart

I am a 52-year-old male in a relationship with a 30-year-old woman, but truthfully I am only in this relationship for the perks, versus the long-term commitment. Lately I've wondered if she is more interested in dating closer to her age. I love her and do not want to lose her, however I wonder if it's best to let her go? - Young at Heart

Dear Young at Heart:

First let me explain to my new readers in Columbus that normally I answer questions without imposing my personal opinion. I prefer to share my perspective by providing multiple insights you might not see yourself in an effort to help resolve your quandaries. In this case, I am throwing caution to the wind and taking a strong, opinionated stand!

As the owner of an introduction service, I am recognizing an unsavory trend sparking much controversy in the dating world: Older men pursuing and dating younger women. When I say younger, I mean significantly younger (20-plus years), and I am repeatedly seeing this trend that disturbs me. The men tell me they prefer younger women because they have more energy and are more fun than women their own age. Could it be possible that all single women in their 40s and 50s are lethargic, mind-numbingly boring and have no sex drive?

Guys, with all due respect, dating woman 20-plus years younger is unsettling and screams mid-life crisis. Whether the allure is her youthful spirit, perky assets or your personal need to prove something (that you've "still got it"), the story always ends the same: It never works.

These relationships seldom work for many reasons, the most obvious being the maturity disconnect. When the physical aspect of the relationship fades (and trust me, it will) you need to fall back on common interests, mutual goals and stimulating conversations to keep the relationship alive. Eventually one or both of you will find that you don't have anything in common except the roof over your heads. Inevitably, unless she's a gold-digger content in her role, the generation gap will lead to the demise of the relationship.

Quite simply, you need to let her go. Accept the fact that no matter how hard you try, dating a younger woman may make you feel younger, but you aren't. I suggest giving women closer to your age range a chance. They aren't as bad as you might think. In fact, I know many and - guess what - they are attractive and still sexually active!