80’s Kid Properties I Hope Michael Bay Doesn’t Get His Hands On

In 2014, Michael Bay lent his “magic” to two 80’s children shows, namely Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Well, Transformers: Age of Extinction was a bust. And the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was watchable but awful. You know some studio exec is just salivating at the money these movies made. Doesn’t matter how bad they were; they made a ton of cash and that’s all that matters to them.

Seeing that it’s 2015, I decided to list down some shows that I watched as a child… and hoping Michael Bay doesn’t ruin them with his “big blockbuster” plans.

MASK

When Transformers and GI Joe were getting the live action treatment, a little voice in my head said “Good God… that means MASK is next.” And my mind’s voice was filled with dread.

This show was made during the heydey of the “30 minute toy commercials” of the 80s and 90s. And MASK was one of the better 30 minute toy commercials!

MASK (Mobile Armored Strike Kommand) is just rife with things that screams Michael Bay movie. Fancy vehicles that transform into different things so Michael Bay can make deals with car manufacturers. The potential for wanton property destruction. CGI and special effects up the wazoo. And, of course, a fairly solid nostalgic love for the show.

The only reason why I may like a movie version of MASK to be made would be the promise of more MASK toys! The toys were great. Then again, seeing what Michael Bay did with the robot designs in Transformers, I’ll take a pass.

Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future

Here’s a twist: make a live action version of a children’s show that was already using live action!

Before Power Rangers and the Matrix (but after Terminator), there was Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future. Lasting only one season, the show was honestly a very “smart” show that could appeal to both adults and children alike. They even killed off a main character in the season finale and the entire show remains unresolved until now. Unfortunately, the show was deemed inappropriate for children because of the myriad of adult themes included in the show, which was a contributing factor to its cancellation.

Why would Michael Bay even think of touching a show that only lasted for 24 episodes and not really popular? Well, wanton destruction, of course! After all, the setting of Captain Power is a dystopian bombed out future! He’ll probably ignore this anyway and set it in the present.

Like he cares what’s canon or not.

Gargoyles

I shudder to think what Michael Bay would do to Gargoyles!

Disney took a really weird direction when they decided to make Gargoyles. Among all of the cartoons they produced, this was one of their more adult products. There was a lot of long story arcs, complex characters and had a rather dark tone. A welcome change from the House of Mouse if you ask me! It did become kind of lame during the last season but the first and second seasons were solid.

After seeing the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live action film, I hope he doesn’t even look at Gargoyles! While he didn’t direct the movie, he produced the damned thing and all of the characterization of the simple personalities of the cartoon were skewed. Imagine what he’d do with complex characters like the ones in Gargoyles!

Centurions

Power X-Treme!

Like MASK, this is another cartoon I’m amazed no one’s ever thought of making a live action movie out of it! Even in the 80s, I always thought it would be relatively simple to produce a live action version of Centurions. All you needed was really good practical effects and attach a bunch of crap onto a group of actors. Easy-peasy! In hindsight, I’m glad they didn’t. It would’ve been terrible!

If Michael Bay got his grubby paws on it, I just know he’ll add a bunch of crap weapon configurations that we couldn’t understand… and get Megan Fox to play Crystal.

Macross / Robotech

Yep, I’m lumping the two of them together!

Whether you fall in the Macross or Robotech camp, I’m guessing you wholeheartedly agree Michael Bay shouldn’t make a live action version of it.

Macross and, by extension, Robotech, was a lot of kids’ introduction to the world of anime. It would be easy to write off Macross/Robotech as another 30 minute toy commercial but it was much more than that! The story were actually fairly complex and deep and, unlike the other cartoons/anime showing at the time, the characters actually age and mature!

Which is the total opposite of what Michael Bay would do! He’ll just focus on the destruction of Earth. Heck, knowing him, the Macross/SDF-1 won’t even leave the planet! Oh, and he’ll cast Megan Fox as Lynn Minmey. Wouldn’t that be a treat to hear her sing?

Well, there’s a myriad more cartoons I hope Michael Bay doesn’t get his hands on. If you’re reading this, Mr. Bay, there is one cartoon I’m fine with you destroying…

After all, there’s absolutely no way you can make it any worse.

What other cartoons can you think of? Let me know in the comments section below.