~ Weight, Sex, and Marriage (and Motherhood); aka How to Raise Adrenaline Starved Thrill-seekers and Still be Fat and Happy.

How to Gain Nine Pounds in Nine Days

1. Plan to go skydiving. The fear of death is an excellent excuse for overindulging.

2. Skydiving canceled due to fog. Time to celebrate!

3. Visit your mom (she knows I am trying to lose weight, so this year in the goodie basket she made for our hotel room, instead of unhealthy snack foods, she packed some wine and four apples – my step-father threw in a giant handful of chocolate hearts – we had to throw the apples away at airport security) . . . .

4. In Arizona. Two words: guacamole cheese crisp(s)!

5. Top it off with a 70th birthday bash for one’s brother-in-law, non-stop gluttony, and zero exercise and you have nine pounds in nine days (which will take me two years to lose).

I recently came across this quote:

“A lesson will be repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it, then you can go on to the next lesson.”

Yup!

Hmm? Just noticed the position of the needle (I usually can’t see it). Make that 10 pounds.

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6 thoughts on “How to Gain Nine Pounds in Nine Days”

I LOVE this blog… will keep me smiling all day and longer! Thanks.
We find it easier to leave our glasses off when on the scales, that way we can’t confirm the number… and it is only a number after all!

As I discover that I actually CAN bake a decent cake (with no kids at home to eat it) and that sourdough bread is delicious (with no kids at home to eat it) and that exercise is way over rated, I can totally sympathize! Of course, I keep telling myself that as long as I am alive and healthy enough to keep eating, I really can’t complain!

My husband is skinny. He tries to reduce me by cutting back on his food. He’s losing more weight. I am not. I wonder, sometimes, when he’s going to figure out that what he puts in his mouth does nothing for my mid-section.

Uh oh…I’m reading posts backward…now I see the reason for your latest post! Well, not to worry! A few days of starvation should take care of the problem. At least, that’s how dieting always seems…as soon as I make the commitment, I’m suddenly an inspired cook/chef, with all sorts of delicious ideas for food popping into my head! Good luck, we’ll be working on this challenge together! ~ Sheila