A match made in South Carolina

Don’t cry for me, Argentina: Former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, R-Appalachian Trail, who disgraced himself four years ago when his affair with his Argentinian mistress was revealed, has been returned to office by state voters, this time to serve in Congress.

Asked why they would vote for a man who cheated on his wife and lied about it, South Carolina voters replied: “It’s just Congress; it’s not like he was running for something vital like commissioner of the mosquito control district.”

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Now with less hip-hop dancing: Microsoft has promised an overhaul of its Windows 8 operating system. Customers complained that Windows 8’s “active tiles” and touch controls, designed for smartphones and tablets, were a bad fit for PCs.

For $29.99, the Windows 8 patch, given the codename “Blue,” will restore Windows 7 to users’ computers. For $39.99, the patch will send PC users to the Apple website.

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District Court, Elementary Division: An Intel employee has filed a lawsuit claiming that co-workers harassed him by taping a “Kick Me” sign to his back, after which other employees kicked him and laughed at him.

The man’s attorney said his client was seeking an unspecified amount for emotional distress as well as court-officer-administered “Wet Willies” for the offending co-workers and first dibs on the kickball at recess.