Thursday, May 04, 2006

don't I deserve a day off too?

Okay, I am really sick of feeling guilty for needing to work outside of the home. I put guilt on myself because I would rather be at home. I feel guilty when I meet moms that have figured out how to work from home so that they can make a living and be there for their kids. I also hate that because I am not a stay at home mom I often feel as if I am not being a good enough mom for my kids. I know most of this is self inflicted, but the media puts so much attention on this issue it is driving me crazy. Would I love to be home with my kids? Hell yes. Can I do it right now? No, but I am working on it.

I work outside of the home 40 hours a week plus 10-12 hours of commute time, then when I come home I am on Mom duty until bedtime plus their are the weekends. My husband is a SAHD but most of the time he hands the kids over to me when I get home (and yes he does deserve a day off too). On the weekends I get up with the kids and generally do not have much time off. Hubby is off doing work around the house. It is how it works for us and I am not complaining (okay I am but this goes back to the guilt thing), but I am so sick of this being called the mommy wars. Why do we have to distinguish between working moms and SAHMs? We all work hard at being great moms and we all deserve a day off.

So this brings me to this concept of Please Take My Children To Work Day, a holiday for stay at home moms. In general I love this idea, but I think all moms work hard not just those that stay at home. So why don't we have a real holiday for all moms. A day during the week where we can come together and hang out. Let's have workshops on how to come together as a mothering community. I have learned so much from other moms through these few months that I have had my blog. There are so many similarities among mothers that we just shouldn't care all that much if the mom across the street is working or not, or is a better mother or not. So right here on Life in Mama Land I suggest that we form Mama's Day Out, a day to come together as mothers. Let's learn from each other, come together and communicate and just have fun. Why don't we concentrate on ourselves for a day without our kids or husbands or partners around, just us moms. I started this blog because it helps me reconnect to who I am as a woman and that would be the purpose of this day as well. A happy mama is a better mama.

6 comments:

Good post. We all engage in so much self-flaggelation, no matter our stay-at-home or go-to-work-ness. I agree that helping one another to figure out how to make the best of our individual situations would be great. I'm in.

I'll lead a seminar in "how to stumble into a part-time job share with a friend without losing the friendship or the job". (Lesson one: find really great friend in your field who is having a baby at the same time you are. How lucky was THAT?)

I feel the guilt, but of the other variety...I feel the "I-am-not-contributing-a-dime-to-this-household-and-therefore-cannot-spend-a-nickle-on-myself" guilt! Of course, after 11 years out of work (read: money making career) I WANT to go back to work, but on my terms...I am no different than any other mom...I want it ALL.

I want to be able to pick up/drop off my kids from school/practice/games and meets. I want to be there when they are sick. I want to take them to all doctor, dentist, orthodontist and opthomoligist appointments. I want to attend all assemblies and plays at school. I want to volunteer at their school, for their teams and clubs to make a difference.

AND I want to have a career in something that is personally satisfying, globally significant and insanely lucrative!

I work out of my home, but it's certainly not a situation that would work for everybody. And I do have those pangs of envy when I hear about my friends lives, working outside of the home and their proximity to other grown humans and adult conversations and relieved of the burden of fetching snacks every 35 seconds.

There seems to be a lot of hatin' goin on lately, between all factions of motherhood. I say whatever works for you is the BEST SITUATION. And you hit the nail on the head: "We all work hard at being great moms."

I'm so there! Whether you work outside of the home or not, being a mom IS a job, all day, every day! It's about quality, not quantity. You are doing what's best for your family and that's ALL you need to worry about! :)