Thursday, 12 February 2015

TY Bello speaks on waiting for 9yrs to have a child, her struggle with Endometriosis, IVF & motherhood experience

Celebrity photographer and singer, TY Bello who welcomed a set of twin boys in October 2014 after waiting for 9 years, recently sat down with Genevieve mag where she opened up about her struggles with Endometriosis, dealing with pressures from
friends and family to get pregnant, the rumors that she
didn't carry her pregnancy herself and the birth of her twin babies.

TY, who revealed she went through IVF to conceive her boys, said
the journey to pregnancy was a very intense one for her. I bought a copy of Genevieve mag and typed out some of the Q&A. Read after the cut

"My
journey to pregnancy was a very intense one. I had just been through
the toughest nine years of trying to get pregnant, being confident that
it would be a breeze since I had always known that I would make a great
mother. It was quite humbling when it didn't happen as I had envisioned
it. It was grueling actually" she said

TY says
she had always joked about having twin boys to make up for the lost time
of motherhood and that she never knew God was listening to her.

"At
first we didn't know I was carrying twins. When I was going for my
test, I didn't feel pregnant. Before I went, I heard in my spirit, 'Wear
something nice'. I questioned the voice and wondered if it was nice to
dress so nicely and get disappointed, setting myself for a heartbreak.
In the end, I obeyed. I decided in my mind that whether I was pregnant
or not, I was not going to stop believing. My doctor was very dramatic
about the announcement too. She screamed so much we couldn't even
decipher her words. I had a delayed reaction as her words wouldn't sink
in. It was overwhelming, We were truly happy and couldn't stop crying. I
remember two people, Pastors Obi Pax Harry and Angela Ashong telling
me matter-of-factly that I was going to have twins. It happened to the
detail. My friends know how I have always made it a joke about having
twin boys to make up for lost time. I wanted boys because I joked that I
was an eternal fourteen year old lanky boy myself and so we would all
get along. I can't believe God was listening. It was few months before
we could confirm that we were having boys"

TY
says she discovered that a long
standing undiagnosed battle with Endometriosis was responsible for her
delay in pregnancy

"In perfect timing though,
two older friends of mine, Dr Odaga and Mrs Morin Desalu came into our
lives and helped us be more proactive in our journey to becoming
parents. What started with dark clouds took a turn. For instance when
Aunty Morin whisked my husband and I to see her doctor at George's
hospital. We discovered that a long standing yet undiagnosed battle with
Endometriosis was responsible and I just assumed I had the worst period
pains. Shortly after that, through Dupe Kupoluyi, we met a fantastic
doctor named Yemisi Bero at the Arc Clinic who became our fertility
doctor. I went through my IVF cycle with her, probably in the middle of
the busiest seasons in my career. I remember jabbing myself at airports
sometimes just to keep with the schedule as I worked like crazy.
Sometimes I think I stayed so ridiculously busy just to keep my mind off
the difficult process. To the glory of God, that cycle was successful
and everything inside of me screamed for me to slow downed but I didn't
just know how. I decided to start a pregnancy journal and instinctively
titled it "Quiet Streams" Immediately I knew then that everything was
going to change and it did. It was like a switch was flipped and my body
went rest mood"

Asked if there were
pressures from family and friends during the wait for her babies, she
said

"Oh you can't even begin to imagine. Society and even your personal
fears can pressure you before a desire manifests. In our society, as
with most, once you hit a four year mark after your wedding, everyone
around you starts to blare their alarm. Nine years? Now that was
deafening. Every time I prayed, I knew everything was going to be fine
and my life was in the course set for me. The pressure gets more
difficult when you are trying and it isn't happening. It was important I
turn a deaf ear sometimes. It was important that I didn't feed my
doubts. Someone once said to me after the babies came, "You can't call
your experience waiting, you were living your life to the full before
their arrival". I explained that that was exactly my waiting experience.
I always say that Christ came to die that we may have life and have
life abundantly and that I want to live life to the maximum. If you
allow yourself to sustain a state of misery because you don't have
something, whether marriage, children or a dream career, then you can't
have a full life. It is in the place of living outside of the tyranny of
the desire that it comes to you in its full glory. I knew for sure I
was born to be a great mum. I just wasn't sure on how it would play out
but I knew it would happen nonetheless"

On
the lowest points during her journey, TY said

"There were some tough
days especially towards the end when I battled with thoughts that God
had given me everything else I asked him for and that maybe this was the
one thing I would have to let go of. I however knew deep down that this
was untrue. I concluded that our desire for parenthood was persistent
only because it was a prayer answered. Faith opened me up to the reality
that God would answer me and I didn't need to hand-twist him as to
how. This was what helped open my heart to an IVF process in the first
place "

On whether she ever considered
adoption or surrogacy, she said

"We put every option on the table. It
helped that we had so many friends who had gone through the different
paths to parenthood. Ironically while trying, I had photographed a
family that had tried for over a decade and had just welcomed a bay via a
surrogate mother. I have done countless baby shoots before and I saw no
difference between theirs and others. It was really comforting when I
observed the bond was exactly the same across board. I also have friends
that adopted children and they are not in anyway less happy. Motherhood
is truly spiritual. I think considering other options isn't giving up
but letting go. It's in this place that Miracles happen".

On
the effect of the illness, Endometriosis during her pregnancy, she
said;

"Endometriosis can make conception more tricky and difficult but I
and countless other women stand as testament that it doesn't make it
impossible. But at the end of the day, people react differently so its
difficult to generalize. For me once my pregnancy progressed, it seized
to be a major concern"

Addressing
rumors that she did not carry her boys herself, that she engaged the
services of a surrogate, TY said

"Funny enough I had a shoot during my
pregnancy and the makeup artist who did my makeup during my maternity
shoot was in a room where this was being thrown around and she couldn't
stop laughing as she spent enough time with me when I was pregnant. I
was blessed to have Kelechi Amadi-Obi make the photographs and it was
special as he had photographed our wedding as well. Its beautiful to
have your bump photographed in appreciation but not necessarily as
evidence of your being with a child. There are women who would become
mothers via adoption or surrogacy. The difference is insignificant. We
all carry our children"

Her advice to women who are waiting for a child, TY said;

"Waiting of
any kind can be very troubling. You can't imagine what a waiting woman
goes through. I have sooken to may women and they described the process
as getting an endless cycle of hope and disappointment. That is what
breaks the spirit coupled with the stigma, especially in this part of
the world. My advice is to never let go of the desire to be parents as
God himself put it there. Celebrate the fact that you are alive and
never take it for granted. Give yourself permission to experience joy,
to dream and fulfill purpose as you wait. It adds value to the type of
parent you become. It is always worth it in the end"

"When will these married women learn?They simply can't compete and they shouldn't even try.I am young athletic,beautiful and sexy as hell. I am a dark force of nature, every married woman's worst nightmare.

I own houses in Dubai, three in banana island, currently building another estate in AbujaMy collection of cars, rivals most welthy men's in Nigeria.

I have been all over the world . Yes including antarctica. I own a chain of boutiques in the UK and my family lives like royalty.What more do I want?I am the modern Courtesan.Call me a runs chick,prostitute,whore of Babylon,the wayward woman..(giggles) who cares?????

I am the Fantasies of men,they crawl on their hands and knees seeking the warmth of my bed.I am the phone call he leaves the room to take, the whisper he masturbates to and the face he sees everytime he kisses you.

Why would I want to give up this life of pleasure??

My hunger can not be satisfied by one man's body,nor his pockets.They line up outside my door like starving beggars outside a homeless shelter."Who cares if they have wives or serious girlfriends?"continue reading

My mum went through same route.She stayed Childless for 20yrs after marriage.Talk about Humiliation,talk about insults,talk about disgrace, she went through all of them...My Dad was strongly with her,behind her and lots more.He refused a second wife irrespective of the pressure he faced,my mum @ some point gave up hope but Dad was her Shield,after the 20th year,she gave Birth....Not everyman can be patient enough,nor every woman..But God does not fail.

Very long epistle but in d end God gave her d desires of her heart, I tap into dat anointing for my friend dat is also believing God for fruit of d womb. May her time of joy come soon, IJN, Amen! Congrats to you & your hubby my dear sister. Linda take note!

Truly awesome!! Having waited for close to 13 years myself, I feel her intensely! Although I'm much older than TY, she's one of my "heroes". I just love the way she lives her life without any apologies, doing what she love, loving what she's doing. Go girl, wish you all the very best.

This is so touching. TY is a wise woman. Her words in this interview were enough to sooth the "waiting woman". Sometimes the period of wait is the time God uses to build u up perfectly. Thats why those who trust in him get double blessings for their troubles. Lots of women out there are going through same or worse, but by the grace of our Good God whose words are true, they'll come out victorious. Amen.

wow,i almost went to buy the magazine. I wanted to read the full story badly. I am using these cute boys as a point of contact to myself. I saved the two pics and prophesy twins like them into my life everyday. I will be going for IVF soon. God, bless me with twins! give me double for my 3years of ttc and miscarriages. IJN (Amen)

I am happy for you TY...your boys are really cute. I have been trying for a baby and the disappointment I felt when my flow showed up this month can only be imagined. And all my medical results say I am okay. *****sigh, sigh, sigh****

wow. Am grateful to God for her. Very excited. Linda we seriously shouldn't imagine the pain they go through.I pray that as many as those that are still waiting; Almighty God will answer them and give them testimonies in Jesus Name. amen

Linda, A huge thank you for this piece. I have battled endometriosis and infertility for years but reading these excerpts from TY's interview has today further encouraged me and strengthened my resolve that i will one day carry my own children. Indeed the vision is for an appointed time! Off to buy my copy of Genevieve Magazine.

Linda, A huge thank you for this piece. I have battled endometriosis and infertility for years but reading these excerpts from TY's interview has today further encouraged me and strengthened my resolve that i will one day carry my own children. Indeed the vision is for an appointed time! Off to buy my copy of Genevieve Magazine.

A standing ovation to Ty, impeccable answers dt I had to ask myself if she was truely a Nigerian... Two thumbs up for whoever interviewed her, very professional abt it and I didn't lose the apetite to continue reading......

I celebrate you and ur family TY Bello and I tap into your blessings and testimony. I have 2 younger sisters who are married 5 and 7 years no children yet and believe me I see 1st hand what they are going through. Their in-laws r another nightmare but reading this has lifted my spirit. Thank you for sharing. God bless and be with you and yours all the days of your lives.

I am touched by your simplicity and humility TY......and i believe everywoman in the waiting room will be inspired by your testimony....God is still in the business of performing miracles, this is a call for all women/the populace as a whole to remain hopeful and faithful...God bless you sis and may your testimony be permanent.

I can imagine , a lot of Africa woman are facing the problem of endometriosis but most of them think is a spiritual battle. I also have endometriosis but doctors in Nigeria could nt figure what the problem was, i struggled with it and been married hoping to be a mother was a big challenge.with the love of God and help of doctors i have a child of my own, what a bundle of joy

Let women who know what this sickness is and doctor whom know how to go about it create an awareness.Stillo

Wow wow wow! I am so happy for TY Bello. It pays to depend on God. God gave her double for her shame. May the Lord bless everybody believing God for the fruit of the womb, amen. God bless TY and her boys. Congratulations TY...

Oh dear God, as u have blessed TY's womb with twins... I thank u because u haven't forgotten me too... I believe very strongly that I will conceive my own twins (a boy and a girl) this month and birth wonderful healthy babies in Jesus name (Amen)

I rejoice wit Ty bello.......to those of you saying she didnt carry d pregnancy herself, i pray you dont experience what infertility is not to talk of endometriosis. I am currently going through such and it is my believe that i am healed ijn and i claim twins too (a boy & a girl).

Congrats dear. Dr yemisi bero of ark clinic is just d best for if, though my ivf with her was not successful but would rather go back to her than any other hospital including the over hyped bridge clinic