The Census

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The Censusis an essential part of the liberal plot to shredthe sacred fabric of American elections!

The Census has earnedthe (Senator) Franken COMMUNIST-SOCIALIST-MARXIST SEAL OF APPROVAL

And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Obamanus that all the world should be registered. This census first took place while Frankinus was governing Minnesotania. So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.

Joseph also went up from Galilee-Texas, out of the city of Houston-Nazareth, into New Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem DC, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with Child.

But lo, the evil agents of ACORN came, and asked nosy questions about the nature of their relationship, and told the concierge about the "virgin," and suddenly, verily, there was no room at the inn. And Glenn Beck wept.

The US Census (aka The Nuremberg Laws) is a frightening tabulation of all American citizens to determine who is worthy of the Socialist Paradise and who isn't. It has been generally used by genealogy nerds, mathematician geeks, and statistician dorks for over 50 years to determine the future of Liberal America.

Contents

The US Census began in 1785 after the first publication of Poor Richard's Almanac stated that there were 345 people in the country. Various influential people in the government felt that this number simply had to be wrong, and a Presidential Proclamation was sent out asking everyone in the country to come to Philadelphia to be counted on September 2, 1786. Unfortunately the politicians overlooked the fact that this date fell right smack dab in the middle of fall harvest, and when only 43 people, including 21 women and four babies, showed up at the appointed time, it became obvious that another method of counting the population had to be implemented.

In April, 1788, a new army of census takers (made up mostly of slaves and physically handicapped persons) was drafted to venture into the wilderness in all directions, counting and making records as they went. The government's failure to issue paper, pens or pencils to these workers (50% of whom were illiterate anyway) hampered early efforts, as did the public's tendency - which exists to this day - to lie to these workers and/or give them directions so they would wander into a swamp or step over a cliff.

By 1801, however, current system of census-taking was in place and was functioning at an acceptable level, despite the continued tendency of census takers to disappear. The best theory at the time was that they were being conscripted to fight foreign wars.