I was an emergency department registered nurse for 16 yrs and have seen, been involved and witnessed an incredible amount of tragic situations. I am a really good e.r. nurse and think that my ability to feel anothers pain and grief (to empathize) is a contributor to my practice not a downfall as I initially worried.

When my sister called me at 4:30 AM I already had been engulfed by DREAD set the phone down and repeated over and over to John “its bad , its bad, I know it ‘s bad ” PICK UP THE PHONE AND FIND OUT” John said.

“OK Melanie, I’m ready . whats wrong?” and Melanie goes “huh?” cause when I had set the phone down my heart already knotting up and stretching out making a crying sound, melanie had been telling me that our beautiful 16 yr old neice (brooke) shot herself in the head and had died at Freeman hospital tonight. NNNNNNNNOOOOOOO. Oh My God NOOOOOOOOOO. wait wait wait , no no it cant be. omg she asked sadee 2 days ago if she could move in with her. she wanted sadee to go pick her up. I said no. they have plans for spring break. what if only sadee hadnt have asked me. i need a second chance. oh the pictures running thru my head. Wait , DEAD? are you sure??? what if shes just in ICU? A coma? Has to be. OH no . I wanted to sit with brooke and show her the hours of video tape I have of her. She would laugh her head off i am sure cause she wont remember any of the recorded times i have of when she was only 3 months 6 months, 1 yr old to 5 yr olds. and how adorable she is. and her voice and her eyes, and that angelic face. It is impossible to retell what horrible meltdown a person goes through when an event as this occurs.

THEN KEVIN CALLED. Kevin is my brother. He is Brookes father. He begins to tell me the rundown of events that take place from the time of finding Brooke at the park by their house unresponsive . ( She had “gone out for a run” but also took a gun. ) To the present time and we were on the phone together.

To tell you the truth my horrible grief and the feeling that I was somewhat to blame my horrible guilt of not letting my daughter go to Missouri to pick up Brooke and bring her to our house in Corpus Christi as she asked 2 days before. And I DIDNT EVEN CALL BROOKE MYSELF, I JUST SAID NO TO SADEE. AND SADEE HAD TO RELAY THE NO MESSAGE, I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GO BACK AND MAKE UP FOR IT . PPPPLLLEEAASSEEE.

BUT KEVINS STORY OF WHAT HE AND BRANT (my nephew, Kevins son, Brooke’s brother) had went thru. OMG to the ninth degree!!!! My beautiful and as close to perfect as is possible sister in law, Julissa , Brooke’s mom is the one who was the first to find Brooke at the park, I knew I would never be able to speak to her over the phone but as Kevin was retelling me the story of what happened I couldnt quit picturing an image of Julissa just dissolving, being torn into pieces. I wanted to be able to pick her up carry her around and take everything away even for a minute.

Yes grief and deep sadness crashing BUT really a little bit of bewilderment and a feeling of disgust and to the point of rage actually took some of the darkness away. The paramedics and the Police officers of the Joplin Police Department are the recipients of this well deserved outrage I have / They should be reprimanded, suspended, and thoroughly ashamed of the series of events they initiated and the hell that they put my brother and family thru. BROOKE WAS DYING ON THE GROUND WHILE POLICE WERE PEPPER SPRAYING HANDCUFFING AND ARRESTING HER DAD AND BROTHER. BROOKE DIED AT THE HOSPITAL WHILE KEVIN AND BRANT WERE HANDCUFFED TO A BENCH AT THE POLICE DEPT. BROOKE WAS ALONE. JULISSA WAS PUSHED AWAY, ORDERED TO BACK OFF WHEN SHE WAS TRYING TO ADJUST BROOKES CLOTHING , SO SHE WASNT SO EXPOSED AND INAPPROPRIATELY DISPLAYED. SHE WANTED TO BE BY HER DAUGHTERS SIDE, “no” NOT ALLOWED IN THE AMBULANCE, ESCORTED TO MIDDLE OF STREET AND THE AMBULANCE DROVE AWAY. DROVE AWAY. WITH JULISSA STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET . HER DAUGHTER IN AN AMBULANCE THAT NOONE WOULD TELL HER WHERE THEY WERE GOING. HER HUSBAND AND SON TAKEN AWAY IN POLICE CARS.

BROOKE DIED.

BROOKE IS DEAD.

NO DO OVERS. NO SECOND CHANCES.

THEY WILL NEVER GET THAT TIME BACK. THEY MAY NEVER RECOVER.

I KNOW THAT SUSPENDING OR FIRING EVERY EMT/PARAMEDIC/AND JPD THAT WAS INVOLVED WONT BRING BROOKE BACK,,,,,,, BUT BELIEVE ME ITCOULD BE THE FIRST STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION FOR ME TO FEEL BETTER. It would sound very christian like and politically correct for me to say ” I just don’t want to think that another family May Have to go thru the same experience unless we correct THIS situation. and I DONT want anyone to ever have to be so unjustly and cruelly treated. BUT I also dont want them to even have a second chance. I would love to think that brooke russell is the last patient that those paramedics let fall to the ground focusing their attention at reprimanding the family members. I would love for kevin and brant russell be the last falsly accused and wrongly arrested family members of a suicidal 16 yr old. for those jpd officers.

Dear NurseChick,
I’m at a loss for not just the right words but for any words. I know my comment is almost 6 months the date of your family’s tragedy but I bet it’s still just that, the worse tragedy ever! I just read your brothers story online and have been frantically searching to find some level of understanding, I’ve not found any! First, I am so very very very sorry at the loss of Brooke and the fact that her family has endured such a tragedy. She’ll never ever know how her death has changed the trajectory of life for every one of you~how much you all truly loved her no matter what. She was breathtakingly beautiful. As I was watching your brothers interview on KSPR, I couldn’t take my eyes off of Julissa. God the pain in her eyes made me shudder. Even through the pain, the grace she seemed to exude even while sunken between Kevin and Brant while I’m sure replaying the events that brought her fragile family in front of that camera. God I pray your family can find a way to heal itself. Most of us will never be able to imagine that level of sorrow. Even for you, as a nurse you hear and see tragedy daily but when it visits your home it never leaves you. Then you’re still expected to continue to be the healing ointment for others when it’s hard to be that for yourself. I don’t know what else to say to you accept stay strong and know that there’s a Mom in Texas praying really hard for the Russell family. I pray that your family experiences overwhelming peace as it heals. I also purposefully Didnt mention the legal battle because I believe in my heart that all charges will be dropped. Kevin was trying to save his daughter, Brant wanted to rescue his sister and Julissa lost the last moments to protect and hold her baby girl. Unless Joplins law enforcement community have hearts of stone, I have been an heir to the power of prayer and know that even stony hearts can be changed. So whether your family are believers or not, I am and I trust God to act on your behalf and every other family reeling loss. Don’t let the focus of the law enforcement egos steal moments from your family~you’ve already lost so much❤

thank you soooooo much. you know I wrote that when returning to my home in corpus Christi tx from brookes funeral in Joplin Missouri. that was in april. my brother thought it sounded harsh and the brooke is dead . brooke died. no doovers. those comments he hated. and asked me not to post them on facebook. so I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE BLOG/ / UNTIL now 6 months later and I think the whold brooke being a patient needs attention. who cares EVEN IF KEVIN WAS SLIGGING AROUND LOADED PISTOLS AND KARATE CHOPPING INNOCENT BYSTANDERS AND HIGH ON ANGEL DUST ( I KNOW I ALWAYS SEEM TO GO OVERBOARD) BUT EVEN IF ALL THOSE THINGS WERE HAPPENING WHO CARES. FIRST RESPONDERS./PARAM/EMTS ECT ARE TRAINED TO EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED IN A CRISIS FAMILY TRAUMA. ……. BUT THE ONLY THING THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN FOCUSING ON IS BROOKE. even if she did crumble to the ground. it could very well happen. who cares if its because of him or this or if only shut up…… fault isn’t the protocol to establish???????””’!!!!!!!!! ok so pt is on the ground. lets stabilize her. oxygen by non rebreather at 100%o2 ivs. get a back board. if kevin and brant had seen medical life saving employees chanting to brooke…… “come on girl ,,,, youre gonna make it…… vitals are looking up work with us here. we are getting you to the trauma center that is award winning just to save the day for YOU…….. if it looked like shew…… brooke is in good hands they wouldn’t have had to be so frantic….. they could have turned it over to the professionals and a higher power. brooke wouldn’t have had to if she was coherent at all ( cause she WAS ALIVE) be aware of because of her actions her family was in a soul wrenching start of a new hell never deserving on anyone especially HER dad. her big brother. if she was aware at all and knew being knocked to ground a police officer causing pain with his knee to brants back, pepper sprays pleading of wait whats happening?????? and she felt like she caused all that……. omg she may never recover, I know my family will not recover to pre march 2013 content and life living/…. I just see everyone sharing shame on jpd officers shame on over and over that I wanted to AGAIN think about wait was brooke given a chance to be on the receiving end of miracle life saving maneuvers by first responders. only 16, so mature for her age, so healthy and loving her gift of the family shes been allowed to grow under,,,,,,,,,, spells strong to me. spells breath in breath out there you go brooke……….. icu for you??????????????? not a glass partition for your family to have to say their goodbyes thru never to get a 2nd chance. Your dad in jail orange coveralls 3 hours later with a puffy face but denied closure because being chained to police bench. you big brother who has sworn at least a dozen times in the past that he will ALWAYs be there for his little delicate sister whether she needs help and brant be a savior or just a dance revolution critique and holder of camcorder while she proves she has way better moves than he. or maybe she needs a change of pace and he should just figure out how to make a Tuesday a laugh fest and no homework night/ not just siblings but truly friends and had so many memories of laughing and quirky routines to make life more fun than what seemed most families did on a day in day out basis . brant wasn’t able to be her protector her superhero, he was bewildered and felt like trapped in a twilight zone non reality skit. no way could this be happening..
anyway.//

6 months later and my daughter , Sadee and I , were in agony catching up with kevins posts and sssooooo sad, when she said I want to write.. I said hey I had a blog in april…… and after neglect for 6 months we found it…. and TA DA there you were (ARE) mother in texas with your comment JUST hours before. omg how bizarre and spectacular. ok ok I really wanted to convey my gratitude and thank you for your sincere warmth. I truly feel it was meant to be in limbo for 6 months so I could then see your much needed now. ok thank you mother in texas, all is still in turmoil but your comment erased some darkness. thank you. Kelly. nursechick911@yahoo.com