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Wednesday, August 7, 2013

And Jupiter aligns with Mars

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina
Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay, August 7rd , 2013. Happy Birthday to Ariel, who turns
twenty-four today all the way out on The Left Coast. And,
to the rest of you, Happy Hump Day and Happy Shark Week. And to you multi-taskers, Happy Hump A Shark
Week.

You
will have to forgive Our lack of coherence; We have, for some reason, been
awake since the veritable crack of ass this morning. We are chock full of ideas for the script for
Our Fringe show, but We lack the motor skills to type them. Also, We have no beginning or ending, so We
are going to start writing in the middle, and it is unclear to Us how We will
know when to stop.

We are talking, of course, about Our upcoming Fringe Festival show, LOOKING
FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s
Comeback Tour , the Kickstarter fundraiser forwhich can be found here:

In
celebrity birthdays, someone called Sidney Crosby was born today. He is a Pittsburgh Penguin. We are not entirely sure what that means
(Blair?), but We suspect it is sports-related, and Young Mister Crosby looks
like an excellent reason to be an athletic supporter. In much gayer news, if she were
(subjunctively) still alive, Billie Burke (Glinda the Good Witch from The Wizard of Oz ) would be a hundred
and twenty-nine today.

In
an effort to get to steppin’, here is a reading from Madame Olivia in lieu of an
annoyance from Kelli the AssHat:

Greetings
Eric ~

Madame Olivia is
pleased to see you again.

Madame Olivia wonders
what you do when you find yourself in a down mood. It can be helpful to think
about acknowledging the ways in which you enjoy good fortune. Madame Olivia
cannot bear clichés like "Count your blessings," yet there is such a
germ of great truth there: seriously, what are you grateful for? It's amazing
how this can shift your perspective into something more contented.

As the first sun sign
to leap into the zodiacal year, little Aries, Madame Olivia has long thought of
you as the engine pulling the other 11 cars behind you. Luckily you have the
requisite energy to do this but please remember to care for your wonderful
machine. This includes rest and even more importantly, trying not to
overcommit. As always, step one is to simply watch yourself without judging as
you find yourself saying yes. This will lead to future mindfulness and perhaps
moderation (not one of Madame Olivia's favorite words but still important for you).

Be on the
watch for a particular feline

It's been a pleasure
to be with you. Farewell from Madame Olivia until we meet again.

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own
epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by
comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest
and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.