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Topic : 08/31 Reunited, Part 2

Number of Replies: 13

New Messages This Week: 0

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Created on : Thursday, August 25, 2005, 04:24:57 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil follows up with Susan, who recently confronted her high school bully and reunited with the daughter she placed for adoption 27 years ago. See the surprising twist in her relationships with these two women. Plus, Michelle hasn't seen her older sister in 22 years, since discovering that they were actually mother and daughter. Can they bridge the gap and start over? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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Susan and EJ and Judy....

Dr. Phil says that forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for other people. When you forgive, it doesn't mean that you approve of what's happened. Rather, it means that you're giving yourself permission to move on with your life. &nbsp

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There is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may have to make a conscious effort every day to forgive. To say, "I'm letting this go. I'm not going to invest hatred, bitterness, anger, resentment in this person anymore." You can find closure in forgiveness.

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You can't change the things that happened in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn't receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now.

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Listen to your internal dialogue. What are you saying to yourself? Write them down without censoring them. Is what you're saying fair and true? If not, generate new ways of thinking. Someone may have said horrible things to you long ago, but it's possible you took over for them when it stopped.

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Consider what you need to do to get emotional closure. Maybe you just need a simple apology. Find your Minimal Effective Response — the least thing you can do to resolve your pain.

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Share your experience with others. Finding a lesson in what happened can help put the experience in perspective and your emotions in check. People can thrive and suffer at the same time. &nbsp

How long it takes...is how long it takes!

There are just so many things that surface when facing someone who, for whatever reason(s) the person had to give up a child. &nbsp

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I felt for Susan when Judy did not make further contact. However, when you examine what Judy had to say after the initial reunion. Judy characterized her part of coming to this reunion as a 'gift'. She also, spoke of hoping that this whole experience would not 'overwhelm' her. My guess is Judy may need some time. She may need to just be with her own thoughts and feelings for a while. &nbsp

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Lastly, &nbsp

The work that BOTH Susan and E.J. have done to mend their relationship is NOTHING short of WONDERFUL!!! Beautiful work, ladies!! &nbsp

So Susan wanted to be EJ's friend

Wow! So now we get it. Susan was jealous of EJ and wanted to be in EJ's crowd. I really wish EJ hadn't befriended Susan because now she's being bullied. If Ej's friends had been that vicious and violent to where Susan had to hide behind corners, others would have called the show and said they vicitimized them also. &nbsp

Now Susan has bullied EJ into being her friend. How the tables have turned. I just think Susan is sort of coniving. If she was so afraid of EJ and had been done so badly in high school, why is she running to to every reunion and even planning the 30th year reunion? Well I guess it's never too late to relive your high school days. I think EJ and Dr. Phil have been hood winked, and I think EJ is only hanging with Susan because she was dogged out on national TV by a person she doesn't even remember in high school. Imagine anyone's surprise if they were called on national TV about a kid they didn't remember in high school and made out to be a monster? This was a very sad ending considering I truly believe that Susan isn't being totally honest with any of us. Maybe the "Dolls" will make her an honorary member/mascot 30 years later. The fact is, being popular in high school isn't all that. I was popular but I don't even attend my high school reunions because that's the past. I'm more interested in being popular with my children, and my financial planner so that I won't leave as a burden on my kids.&nbsp

Wow

Dr. Phil says that forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for other people. When you forgive, it doesn't mean that you approve of what's happened. Rather, it means that you're giving yourself permission to move on with your life. &nbsp

&nbsp

&nbsp

&nbsp

There is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may have to make a conscious effort every day to forgive. To say, "I'm letting this go. I'm not going to invest hatred, bitterness, anger, resentment in this person anymore." You can find closure in forgiveness.

&nbsp

&nbsp

&nbsp

You can't change the things that happened in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn't receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now.

&nbsp

&nbsp

&nbsp

Listen to your internal dialogue. What are you saying to yourself? Write them down without censoring them. Is what you're saying fair and true? If not, generate new ways of thinking. Someone may have said horrible things to you long ago, but it's possible you took over for them when it stopped.

&nbsp

&nbsp

&nbsp

Consider what you need to do to get emotional closure. Maybe you just need a simple apology. Find your Minimal Effective Response — the least thing you can do to resolve your pain.

&nbsp

&nbsp

&nbsp

Share your experience with others. Finding a lesson in what happened can help put the experience in perspective and your emotions in check. People can thrive and suffer at the same time. &nbsp

Just saw what happened with Judy. I pray that things get better for you. From you I learned that life is too short to be worrying about something that happened in high school. Just think of all the energy you put into worrying about EJ? The original show revolved around your resentment for a high school girl, and very little about what really matters, family.

Reunited, Pt 2

I saw both shows pt 1 and pt 2, and I was suprised at the outcome of todays show (pt 2) with the biological daughter. I am a 37 year old adoptee searching and just like Dr. Phil mentioned, like the birthmother, I have searched on and off for years to no avail. I was saddened by the reaction of the daughter. I thought it was awful that she lied to her birthmother and didnt have the decency to calla nd say she wasnt comfortable with going to dinner with her. I know she is entitled to feel whatever she wants and doesnt owe her birthmother anything, but as an adoptee myself who would cut off a limb to have the opportunity just fall into my lap the way it did for her to find her birthmother after all those years. It just bothers me because there are so many of us out here who want to find no matter what the outcome but we don't have the money to hire any private investigators. &nbsp

I looked up the website for Troy Dunn that was mentioned, but unfortunatly .. I do not have the money required to search beyond the 14 day trial. It says after 14 days that your credit card will be charged $199 unless you cancel it. I cannot afford that right now. I am a soon to be divorced mother of 3 children plus one on the way! &nbsp

Dr. Phil.. I envy the people you have had on your show and would love to be one of them to be reunited. I am fully aware of all the "honeymoon" issues that happen after a reunion,.. but Im willing to take that chance! &nbsp

My email address is: Vonirae2@aol.com in case your interested in my story. I have alot of information but don't know what to do with it at this point. Im stuck between a rock and a hardplace. &nbsp

Hello!!!! Ever heard of 'Letting Go...'

Wow! So now we get it. Susan was jealous of EJ and wanted to be in EJ's crowd. I really wish EJ hadn't befriended Susan because now she's being bullied. If Ej's friends had been that vicious and violent to where Susan had to hide behind corners, others would have called the show and said they vicitimized them also. &nbsp

Now Susan has bullied EJ into being her friend. How the tables have turned. I just think Susan is sort of coniving. If she was so afraid of EJ and had been done so badly in high school, why is she running to to every reunion and even planning the 30th year reunion? Well I guess it's never too late to relive your high school days. I think EJ and Dr. Phil have been hood winked, and I think EJ is only hanging with Susan because she was dogged out on national TV by a person she doesn't even remember in high school. Imagine anyone's surprise if they were called on national TV about a kid they didn't remember in high school and made out to be a monster? This was a very sad ending considering I truly believe that Susan isn't being totally honest with any of us. Maybe the "Dolls" will make her an honorary member/mascot 30 years later. The fact is, being popular in high school isn't all that. I was popular but I don't even attend my high school reunions because that's the past. I'm more interested in being popular with my children, and my financial planner so that I won't leave as a burden on my kids.&nbsp

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What if this had NOTHING to do with ANY KIND of 'emotional trickery'?? What if between April 20th and August, Susan ACTUALLY realized that spending your life harboring THAT kind of ANGER, RAGE and RESENTMENT was just too costly? What if what you saw was REAL and Susan recognizing that wasting that much energy on something that happened about 30 years ago was enough WASTE of her life energy. Why wouldn't you just let go of that kind of crushing weight?!? The burden of carrying that kind of pain for that period of time...Maybe Susan has 'let go' and has actually made amends with E.J.. I feel that ALL of that was REAL and that Susan has made a conscious choice to develope a relationship with E.J.

I Think that Both women did FABULOUS work on moving forward with a new friend!!!!

re: bigspc

I agree with your comments. It is sad that her daughter hasn't made anymore contact with her, but I got the feeling her biological mother wasn't what she expected. Even if Judy didn't want to keep up with her she should have atleast called and said "I'm not ready for this yet." Instead of leaving her mom to think she had done somthing wrong again.