One question we ask ourselves a lot with Grace is “When will she play with me?” It is challenging to get Grace to play with sports equipment for even 5 minutes. Emma enjoys playing with sport equipment and is happy to go outside to play.

Before and after children are born, we naturally have dreams about the future. However when these dreams do not meet reality this can be challenging for all parents. Steve is very active and has always enjoyed doing triathlons and multisport races. He has always wished that he could go bike riding with the girls. However, this is challenging because Grace has very little interest in riding a bike and she finds scooters challenging. Grace is more like me in her interests as they revolve around reading books, music and imaginary play.

However, on the weekend we went down to Torquay to play for a while. We took the dog and a ball in any hope of getting the girls to kick the ball around. We were expecting Grace to go into her own world and Emma to play with Steve and the ball. But unknown to us it was the other way around. Grace and Steve played soccer for ages whilst Emma and I went for walks with the dog.

This was a massive connection building time for Grace and Steve. I loved watching them both kick the ball around as it was something to we thought Grace would never really do. It was such a precious moment that we will never forget.

Your child may not be interested in what you like to do and that is normal for all children. However do not think they will never do something that you would like them to do because you never know they may just surprise you.

Juniper Berry (Juniperus communis) assists those who fear the dark. Instead of hiding from what they do not understand, it encourages individuals to learn the lesson and face their fear. Juniper Berry acts as a catalyst by helping individuals access and address those fears and issues which have long been avoided.

Dreams contain night time communications. Even nightmares can reveal unresolved fears and issues. It offers courage and energetic protection in the night time.

Emotions that Juniper Berry can address are irrational fears, recurrent nightmares, restless sleep. Other fantastic oils which can be blended together are black pepper, clary sage and vetiver. You can also blend with bergamot, citrus oils, cypress, geranium, lavender and rosemary.

Is the chair, corner, bedroom, laundry etc going to teach emotion regulation to your child? The answer is no it is not. But how do you teach emotion regulation with your child?

Building your child’s emotional intelligence means helping your child understand their emotions by recognising what they are feeling and why.

What does sending the child to the corner teach them? That the behaviour is unacceptable and if you do it you will go to the corner. It does not actually teach the child how to recognise what they are feeling and different strategies on how to deal with those emotions. By not actively helping our children to understand their emotions, you will only continue to experience explosive behaviour situations.

How To Teach Emotion Regulation With Your Child

Believe it or not that most important step is parent’s looking within and see how you deal with your emotions. How can we possibly teach children emotion regulation if we dismiss or hide our emotions?

Before you react to their behaviour find the reason for their behaviour as there is always a trigger.

Show empathy to your child and label your emotions “I can see that you are sad, frustrated etc with…….”

Help them to find more appropriate ways to deal with their emotions rather than hitting etc.

A great way I have done this in my house is by using the following picture chart and the girls have learnt to recognise where their emotions are on the chart.

I also made up a poster and used the characters and we went through different activities they can do when they feel like this.

By doing this you are teaching your child to manage their feelings in positive ways so that they can in the long term regulate their own emotions.

When you look at addictions, social problems in society a lot of it comes down to people do not know how to regulate their own emotions and we find ways to hide and not deal with emotions.

I remember going through severe postnatal depression and depression, one of the major parts of my recovery is actually learning about my emotions and learning how to deal with them appropriately rather through self harm. When I am struggling, I visualise a river and visualise the emotions that I am struggling with flowing down the river as all emotions come and go. How many emotions do you go through each day?

If you really want to give your child the best start to their emotions, I really encourage you to do the emotion coaching program which you can find under the services section. It is one of my favourite programs as the transformations that people have are amazing.

For a family who is just starting to learning about the Autism Spectrum Disorder or Sensory Processing Disorder, we can feel all the dream’s we have for our child has disappeared. I urge all parent’s to believe in your child’s future.

When we became pregnant it is extremely natural to dream about what our child might achieve in their future. When we hold them for the first times we also have dreams of their future. However, for families after their child has received a diagnosis of Autism or Sensory Processing all of these dreams can be shattered.

However all is not lost! Believe in your child’s future. You have taken the most important step of getting them help. You will enrol your child in therapies to help strengthen them. All of these little steps……….all the ups and downs that will occur….they all lead to bigger things. Those dreams that we originally had for our children might have never occurred either without the diagnosis. However it you truly believe in your child and really work on their strengths they can achieve anything in life.

When fear gets too much a lot of the fears turn into irrational fears. Currently, we have adult losers who are targeting a neighbour every night for the last 3 months. I am really stuck on what kind of people would do this every night. I am sure there is better things to be doing.

However this has taken an emotional toll on the girls, especially Emma. Emma is now at the stage when fear gets too much. Her fears have become quite irrational and her anxious feelings are through the roof.

Thank you LOSERS.

Nevertheless, we are desperately trying to help her through these emotions. When fears gets too much it can really disable your life.

This week I am trying basil and a massage blend of essential oils in the diffusers to see if they can ease some of the fearful emotions.

Basil, primarily: overwhelm, fatigue, low energy and the inability to cope with life’s stressors. Basil also helps to relax the mind. This oil is also excellent for states for nervousness, anxious and sadness.

This oil is a blend of essential oils. This blend help calm, relax and releases physical tension. This oil helps when feeling tense, stiffness in mind and body, stressed, unable to relax.

“I am tired of my child not eating dinner”. The answer is to make your child eat their dinner. What a fantastic example of conventional behaviour management in regards to eating.

I remember as a child it took me 2 hours to eat an English muffin. Yep that was 2 hours. I couldn’t stand the taste, the texture but I was forced to eat it. I have only just tried one again at 40 and yep still do not like the texture.

We were told that we must finish everything on our plates even if we hated it. I am sure in many homes this is the case still. I do not like food being put in the bin either.

However for children who have Sensory Processing Disorder with Defensive modulation, the food area can be extremely challenging. Her oral area is the worst sensory area. We did the conventional method of not making her anything different and she chose not eating. We introduced her new foods. But nothing worked and believe me it will not work whatever your tried.

For a child who has oral defensiveness, their amygdala part of the brain and is on fight and flight mode 24/7. Can you imagine what that would be like for her? Could you imagine being scared of food even if it a carrot when all you are eating was beige foods. For Emma the colour of food can send her running under the table as she is only eating beige foods. The texture could set her running under the table. The smell could send her running under the table.

There is a photo of her in Prep on a day the class made jelly for an activity. All the children were enjoying eating jelly and Emma was hiding under the table. Even yesterday all of her class had a cinnamon donut in their hand and Emma had the serviette because she did not want to even try it. It is a really hard world that she lives in.

She is currently seeing an Occupational Therapist who is helping her with an eating program. This has been a sensational program as the OT also has the same issues and she can explain Emma’s world. Nevertheless, through this program Emma is eating apples in crumb size. She is tolerating having something red on her plate. She is touching food more often. All of these small steps come to big things. As my OT explained even at the age of 25, she also has to keep practising with food so that she does not have to start again with the tolerance process. We take eating for granted and never put ourselves in their shoes.

In a social media group, I read a post about a mum having similar troubles. The suggestions totally shocked me as there was giving your child tough love, that they manipulate you to get what they want and the list went on. I am positive your child would want to enjoy their food if they could. I don’t like making 2-3 different meals each night and I also get frustrated. But I have to put myself in her shoes. When she does try something different it is a massive achievement. Then I had another thought. Do you make food you do not like every night. The answer is no. Yes as parent’s we do from time to time. But we do not do it all the time. So if we do not eat food we do not like on a daily basis, then why make your child eat the food they do not like?

Meal times do not need to be a battle because you will only increase the problems. Meal times is about connecting with your family.

A great way to regulate your child to reduce their defensiveness are get your child to do some gross motor activity. Then get them to do some oral exercises like an electric tooth brush or some blowing activities before eating to help desensitise their mouth.

Conventional methods of behaviour management of making your child eat their dinner will only work for those children who do not have any problems with their oral sensory systems. If it is not working then stop doing it and seek professional assistance like an Occupational therapist to help your child. They do not want to struggle with their eating either.

Darkness is everywhere and it is growing. We are constantly being bombarded with hate through media outlets, Governments, social media etc etc etc.

This has been highlighted recently when Stuart Kelly took his own life due to the huge amount of abuse and hate mail since his brother was killed in a one punch attack. He had to endure so much hate towards his family because the NSW Government changed the Lockout Laws in any hope that no one else would be killed. What absolutely astounded me is that his brother was the one killed by the punch………..not the one who threw it. Shouldn’t these individuals be sending the letters to the person who committed the offence?

A conversation I participated in on a page in an Autism group brought up the divide that is becoming more apparent within the Autism community. I reflected on this because it is becoming more and more apparent and it is breaking my heart. The divide is occurring because people are so judgemental towards each other and individuals feel they have a “right” to be judgemental, rude. People wear their rudeness like a badge of honour and think it is a fantastic trait.

Each of us needs to desperately look at our interactions to reduce the darkness in our mind, body and spirit. This heaviness could be heaviness in our moods, stress levels heavy work load. By replacing this darkness to lightness you will feel more fulfilled with vitality and energy.

To lift the darkness into lightness some great strategies are:

Think before you make comments on social media and refrain from judgements, rudeness.

Vetiver (Vetiveria Zizanioides) is one of my most used oils especially for Grace. I have found when Grace is really unsettled and not coping, if I roll a special blend called the Peaceful Child Blend up her spine, it grounds her quickly and she is able to cope better.

The distillation of vetiver is a painstaking, labour intensive activity. The roots and rootlets have been used in India as a perfume since antiquity. It has a heavy, smoky, earthy fragrance.

Vetiver oil assists in becoming more rooted in life. Life can scatter one’s energy and cause one to feel split between different priorities, people and activities. It centers individuals in themselves in self and to the root of their emotional issues.

Emotions that can be addressed are disconnected, scattered, stressed, need to escape.

What rituals do you and your family already share? These could include:

Sharing dinner

Birthdays

Religious celebrations

Specific times in a day for one on one time

Reading bed time stories together

Bedtime routines.

Making sure that you kiss your partner when you leave and when you get home.

Routines are central parts of our lives and they range from small to large rituals. Rituals create time to be playful, to explore the meaning of our lives and to rework and rebuild our relationships.

Think of the pleasant rituals from your childhood.

What feelings are evoked as you allow yourself to reminisce?

It is striking how different families are today from twenty-five or fifty years ago. As our society restructures itself with shifting gender roles, blended families, cultural diversity, and economic and political uncertainty, fear is a prevalent emotion. New rituals are needed for families and for children. I Love You Rituals put life in focus, shifting our attention from getting ahead to getting together; from valuing material wealth to valuing one another. They are called “rituals” because they are designed to be part of the day-to-day activities between adults and children.

Rituals are moments taken solely for the purpose of connecting. Rough transitions during the day or week signal times when a ritual is needed. A child who is being picked up from school may whine, complain, or bicker with you or siblings in the car. A calming ritual or a change in rituals is needed. Picking up children at school with the words, “Hi, how did it go? Where’s your coat? Do you have your homework? Hop in the car, we need to stop at the store.” are not a ritual. Each time the girls come out of school, I give them a welcome and say to them how excited I was to come pick them up.

I love you rituals help you through tough times as it helps to remind you of what is important. Even after a rough day we always end the night by spending time in the girls room to watch them sleep.

You can develop rituals with your child with Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder with following your child’s lead. Have you ever flapped your arms like your child when they have excited? Have you spun around in circles if your child likes that? Have you ever simply participated in what your child’s likes to do to unwind? So often we try and stop the flapping, spinning as they are seen as unwanted behaviours. But we also miss the perfect opportunity to connect with our children.

I love you rituals help you through tough times. What rituals can you share in your daily routines?

Single Oils for Roller Bottles and Make Your Own Blend.

You can choose single oils for the diffuser.

To Purchase Oils

Roller Bottles (10ml) When you purchase, I will ask the age of child/adult so that I can mix it safely with fractionated coconut oil. Mixing the oils with a carrier oil enhances absorption and also reduces chance of sensitiveness.

Single oils: $15.00 Aus dollars for any of the single oils. This includes postage.

Blends: $25.00 Aus dollars for any of the oils blended together. This includes postage.

DIFFUSER (5ML) The cost of these oils are the same as above due to the fact that more oils are used in the bottles because I have not added any carrier oil.

Single Oils: $15.00 Aus dollars for any of the single oils. This includes postage.

Blends: $25.00 Aus Dollars for any of the oils blended together. This includes postage.

If you would like more information or purchase some of the oils, please do not hesitate to contact me at info@coachingforlifetimechange.com.au.

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Testimonial

"Rebecca has helped me so much with my journey through parenthood by making me think sit back & think about other ways of dealing with my boys, she has calmed me down when my boys are driving me crazy & most important she has made me realize I can deal with my boys when I feel like I can't go on. "