We Can Rebuild Her……..we think

There’s something about growing up in a city with a population of 1.5 million people that just provides some interesting encounters on a daily, well hourly basis. You have your business owners, corporate execs, professionals, slackers, laborers, tourists, scam artists, families, politicians, unemployed and homeless people. I’m not talking about throughout the city either, most of the time you can run into one of each just walking in a 5 block radius. Now as diverse as this city is, I keep running into the same two types of people. Frankly, my daily routine would be much more peaceful if I could avoid them. But that’s what happens when you live in a big city, you see, hear and smell it all.

So, who are these two types of people? Ignorant “Men” and Ignorant “Women” (I use the quotation marks because these are the kinds of people that make us all look bad). Depending on where you live you’ve probably come across these people too, or you’ve at least seen them on TV. Okay, let’s start with the Ignorant “Men” who I will refer to as IMs. This is something that’s happened to me one too many times (if I didn’t like having a clean criminal record I’d probably be in jail by now because of how I wanted to respond):

IM: (taps me on the shoulder) Yo….what’s up ma?

Me: (ignore and stare straight ahead)

IM: (grabs arm) Yo ma lemme holla at chu.

Me: (pulls arm away and continues to ignore)

IM: (sucks teeth) Why you gotta ignore me? I was gonna say you nice lookin’ but neva mind you ugly.

Just like with the “n” word, an IM isn’t defined by one race. He can be Black, White, Hispanic it doesn’t matter. IMs come in all sizes, shapes, religions and colors. Most of the time you can spot an IM before he approaches you:

loud, obnoxious voice

excessive use of foul language

leers at every woman that moves past him

feels the need to touch pretty women he doesn’t know

becomes easily angered by rejection

Unfortunately I wasn’t aware the person next to me was an IM until well after he sat next to me. Sometimes the IM can go undetected, until he opens his mouth. Now let’s get something straight for future reference. I am a BIG fan of personal space. If I’m on a bus, train, or walking down the street I shouldn’t be touched by ANYONE. Unless you’re pulling me out of the way of an out of control car or a sudden explosion, don’t touch me. If I don’t know you don’t touch me. I don’t care if you think I’m pretty, or I remind you of your best friend’s girlfriend’s sister’s third cousin you haven’t seen in 10-20 years. Ask yourself the following: Do you know me? If the answer to this question is no, then don’t touch me. This applies to anyfemale! If you want to look at her because you think she’s pretty, fine go ahead, we don’t care. You can even make comments to the buddy you’re hanging out with and talk about us once we’re gone. But at no point should you make physical contact with us!It is rude and disrespectful to put your hands on someone else just because you want to hit on them. Now if someone you didn’t know put their hands on you then you’d be ready to knock them on the ground. So why is it strange when I react negatively to someone invading my personal space?All of a sudden I’ve gone from being that pretty woman you wanted to hit on to being the ugliest woman on the planet. And that’s if the IM feels like being nice. Most of the time I’m a bitch, ho, slut, trick or anything else that’s not my actual name. I am sick and tired of all these self-righteous, half-brained, ignorant IMs thinking it’s okay for them to put their hands on me. It is rude and disrespectful to put your hands on someone you don’t know. I try not to flip out and curse them out whenever this happens because these days you have no clue if they’re carrying a gun or not. I’d rather not end up in the morgue or the hospital, so I just ignore and walk away.

The second type of person ruining civilized society are the Ignorant “Women”, now referred to as IW. See example:

IW: Should I call him back?

Friend: I don’t know why you’re still with him he’s so mean to you.

IW: He’s not always mean to me. He just gets like that if I call when he’s with her.

Friend: You mean his wife? His wife that he has four children with.

IW: Yeah her! He told me last night that she’s an awful mom and a bad wife and he’s gonna leave her soon. He’s just waiting for the right time.

Friend: You seriously think he’s going to leave her? They’ve been married for how long now?

IW: 5 years. But he says he’s tired of dealing with her. He’s going to leave her and we’re going to get married.

Are you shaking your head right now because I am too. Oh IW IW when will you ever learn. He’s not going to leave her and you’re not going to marry him. He just says that to keep you from going anywhere. He gets to have his cake and eat it too. So while the IW fulfills his sexual needs, his dutiful wife takes care of the kids and the household. If he leaves then he’ll have to pay alimony and child support and figure out custody. Then of course his family will get on his case “How could you mess up your marriage like this” they’ll say, or “What’s wrong with you” they’ll ask. He can’t keep it in his pants, that’s what’s wrong with him. But the IW blindly believes that somehow even though he’s cheating on his loving wife, she will somehow be the one woman he’s faithful to for the rest of his life. WRONG!You are just another notch on his belt. The IW isn’t just a home-wrecker, oh no there’s much more to her. The IW is that “woman” with loose morals and a complete disregard for other people’s feelings. She does what benefits her and her only. It doesn’t matter if she’s stabbing someone in the back, not caring for her children, or having sex with anything with a pulse. If it makes her happy that’s all that matters. The IW sees nothing wrong with talking about her sexual exploits, baby daddies or possible STD’s in public loud enough for everyone around her to hear. She doesn’t know you so she doesn’t care that you think she is classless and tacky. That’s how she rolls.

IMs and IWs of the world….oh boy where to start. There is nothing wrong with being an individual and wanting good things in life. But at some point you need to learn that there are things called dignity, grace, and tact. Have the dignity not to sleep with someone else’s husband. Have the dignity to use more than curse words when you’re speaking to someone else. Have the grace to speak about your private health matters in an area where people can’t tweet their friends about “the nasty chick” sitting across from them. Have the grace to admire someone from afar and leave it at that. Have the tact to KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED! Have the tact to keep your damn hands off me before I break them! But more importantly, GROW UP!

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This one’s for the Ladies……

While I was getting ready this morning I couldn’t help but stop and think about all the time we spend “getting ready.” You get up, shower (or in my case take a bath because I don’t feel like standing up most of the time), and then go through the process of getting yourself together to face the world. Women spend 80-90% of their time worrying about how they look. Why is it such a big deal? Well from the time we’re little girls until the day we die, we get all these images thrown in our face and ideas shoved down our throat about what beauty is. Magazines telling us who the Most Beautiful People in the World are. TV shows with sculpted, thin women with porcelain skin and flawless hair and makeup. Commercials telling us what makeup to buy and hair products to use so we can be beautiful.

Aren’t we already beautiful? My mommy told me when I was a little girl that I was beautiful. That was before skin creams, makeup, nail polish and high heels became a part of routine. When do we stop believing that we’re beautiful without all of that stuff? Is it our teens? Adulthood? At some point we stop relying on our natural beauty and start using things to make us beautiful. Some of us use these things to enhance our looks, other women use these things because they think they’re not beautiful without them. We get so stressed out and anxious over getting ourselves together for a special occasion because we need to look perfect.

I thought about all of this while I was rubbing Mederma on myself to get rid of scars I have from picking at bug bites (one of my bad habits that Mark gets on me about). I started thinking about why I’m taking the time to rub that stuff on my body. Is it because I don’t want people to see the scars? Or is it because I don’t want them on me? When I first started using the stuff it was out of embarrassment from being so marked up. The more I used it the better I felt because I didn’t want these marks on my body anymore. So now it’s not because I don’t want people staring at them, it’s because I don’t want them on me. I’m not getting rid of all my scars though. I’m keeping the one on my right leg that I got when I slipped and scrapped my shin against the metal piece holding the linoleum floor in my mom’s room in place. I’m keeping the ones on my left knee from my knee surgery in 2009. And I’m keeping the one on the inside of my left forearm from the time I wanted to slit my wrist and changed my mind at the last minute. My scars tell a story that I don’t want to erase.

I accept that I’m not perfect and I never will be. I don’t want to be perfect because perfect equals boring. I’m comfortable with the fact that my right leg is 1/4 inch shorter than my left leg. I’m comfortable with the fact that my hair will NEVER be perfect. I’m comfortable living in the body I have and showing off my natural beauty. There are so many different types of beauty in this world. Spend less time believing what the magazines consider beauty and find comfort in the person you are. Love your natural beauty.