Theo Verelst Diary Page

Latest: 21 May 1999

I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts
and events.

Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them
that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not
be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my
prior consent. That includes familiy, christianity, and othercheats. The
simple reason is that it may well by that some people have been ill informed
because they've spread illegal 'copies' of mymaterials even with modifications.
Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as
such by me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies,
but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without
changing a iota or tittel...

And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong
that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure
I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement
on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called uponus to respect
the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a
thing. Lying, imagine that.

May 21st 1999

Just came back from 'Holand Casino' to do photos of live painting of a
Marilyn Monroe lookalike. as part of the 'American Fantasy' exhibition
there. I'll put some picts up, maybe at one of the other sites.

Daytime I worked on a logo for the Russian State Circus, based on a
scanned feltpen drawing, that turned out arty. I want to do a vector version
in Illustrator (my workhorse is Photoshop 5), that will take some effort,
this on is a 300DPI A5 format drawing, which is more than accurate enough
for the flyer, but most likely not for a poster.Lots of brushes, corrections,
finally a complete colour seperation, and make-the-edges-nice kina job.

So whats' happening in the personal area, as far as sharable without
violating someones' privacy? I guess that basically is a subject that has
seperable variables at least as far as the man-woman 'versus' friends relationships
are concerned, although the variable spaces may overlap or even coincide.
The friends area as I've known always, in the sense of 'acqaintances' is
easy enough, thats not an issue, one meets people talks a bit, easy. The
friends I considered to be such before I became aware of some very major
problems around (not because of) me and some around me, I cannot consider
to be that anymore if I would want to, they basically either didn't realy
care or are part of something so gross and low I only want to know the
outlines. There are weird responses to for instance Ingrid that I vividly
remember and always wrote of as simple jelousy that indicate that some
of the things that she at various times has made clear in spirit (see some
of my pages) may well be more accurate than I would ever imagine, and that
the types of abuse I've read about and regularly refered to here are not
unfamiliar to at least some that I thought at least remotely to be friends
in an ordinary sense of the word. IF that is so, if, than it needs no explanation
that the remainder of that friendship would be that either they end up
in prison. Simply put. I cannot imagine myself with a at least reasonably
close personal relationships with someone that want to wrape and torture
anyone at all, let alone someone that I want to and/or have loved. IF that
is the case, and even worse, that the whole thing is part of the way appearently
some think it possible to want to rule the system or whatever, than I have
been emotionally very right to kick everyone out at some point and first
want to know what the f* is going on, and of course review every relation
in that darkness.

It is nice to at least meet and be with some that I find attractive
in one or more ways, and

It seems at least far from optimal, both emotionally as effectfullness
wise that no one wants or dares to talk about the incredibly horrible things
that are indicated to have taken place or even still take place, regularly
leaving me at a loss as to how to approach someone I want to love or in
some ways already do love. In the various meanings of that word: emotionally,
intellectually, life-wise and physically.

Not that the subject is dealt with even by far as a start, I've done
some more physical modeling programming (see few days ago), amoung which
a feedback-guitar, that is a guitar that starts to self-oscillate because
of the amp feeding back to it. Basically, I take a signal from the string,
where the virtual pickup element is (there is no virtual sounding board
yet!), and I feed it to a distortion amplifier, that is a amplifier block
that cuts large signals short, like a guitar amp usually is made to do,
and than spread that signal over some sections of an other part of the
string, where the guitar string virtually hears the amp output, so that
it starts playing by itself. It sounds like a relatively thin, because
as yet undistorted, decaying guitarish sound, that slowly (few secs) gets
into oscillation mode, building up to a fairly heavily distorted feedback
sound. The fun part is that the sound realy moves, unlike a sample of the
same, that in a mix can sound pretty ok, try wingroove, which is a clinical,
fixed version of the same effect, often with loops in the feedback part.
You hear the sound decay, and slowly hear the whole thing get into oscilation
mood, without sudden changes, hearing the wave change shape. Not simply
a crossfade into an oscillation sample, but you can hear the motion in
the waveforms, including subtle moving peaks and nots in the whole spectrum.

Not to be sold as a valid guitar simulator now, but its got the effects
I want to hear. Here is an example (if I have the
space to upload it) of a long sample: the last bit isn't too interesting,
because a guitarist would move the guitar around or bend the string to
get a modulated sound. This is the 'i left my guitar on the amp with the
volume open' version, so to speak.Not the best or worst example, just one
of them, lots of parameters to play with, and thoughts to think: it is
usefull to have coupled harmonic oscilators everyewhere when they merely
propagate a wave, except for the places on the string where some dissipative,
amplifying or non-linear elements are connected? It may be possible to
replace quite some part of the string with simple delay elements, though
of course that would limit the possibilities of the simulator and interactions
with it. This stuf should run fine a 50 MIPS or so, so a TI TMS 320 6200
could do a seriously polyphonic version of this stuff, with some additions,
even.

The part of the source that is changed is of course the update function,
which now contains a non-linear function and e few string interaction computations:

Adding this to the end of the 'propagate_fixend()' function and
'make all' should give you the version I used on the sample, except that
I changed the initial state of the string by playing with the width of
the gaussian modulating the cosine wave, and maybe some more paramers,
I'll 'diff' the files later on to find out.