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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

1. On Saturday morning, I finished reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe to Alex. In one of the final scenes Aslan feeds a multitude of people and no one knows how he did it or where the food came from. I paused and said to Alex, "Oh, that's just like Jesus. Do you remember the Bible story of how Jesus fed a crowd of people with only two fishes and five loaves of bread? And afterward there were twelve baskets of leftovers?"

"Yes, but how did he do it?"

"It's a mystery, Alex." I meant mystery as in things we cannot know about God.

Alex replied, "Oh! Then let's use logic and science to solve it." I told him that this mystery was not meant to be solved, but we are to understand that God takes care of us even when it does not seem that there is enough. I suppose I could have told him the logical explanation that folks have come up with: that people in the crowd were holding out and when Jesus passed around the offering of a child people felt bad and shared what they had.

What are miracles?

2. People have started to ask, and it's a little embarrassing for me and for them. People have started to ask when I am due. When I reply, at the beginning of May, they give this look of shock and say that I have a ways to go! Seriously, people? Ever hear of a poker face? May is only two and half months away. It's not like I have half the pregnancy to go. Yes, my belly is way out there. I usually get to 33-34 weeks and stop growing so much. I am huge and I don't need people to draw attention to it. I also don't need a reminder that being huge is not going to be over for some time. I am not self-consciousabout being pregnant, huge and waddling around with my three other tikes. I just don't like the shocked faces people make. It' not pretty. It's uncomfortable to see their reaction. Am I supposed to comfort you and let you know I will be okay?

3. I do not like comments about how close in age my kids are either. (This is not true all the time. Only when they question in reference to my pregnancy.) What is close to some may not be close to others. I feel like siblings that are 3-5 years apart in age are a little too far apart because when they start going to school they end up being more like strangers to each other. I think there is a greater opportunity for childhood friendship between siblings that are close in age. Or maybe not. I don't really know, but I hear a judgmental tone from folks who question about my kids ages. "When are you due?…What are your other kids ages?…Oh you have three?!…(judgmental, final) Oh." When people question about my children's ages , they judge something about me, whether it is that I am brave, or crazy, or pity me. It does not feel very comfortable to witness someone judging you and you may or may not hear their judgement. And truly, of all things to judge someone about, is this really one of the things that is worth our time?

I try not to judge other parents I see--whether they have one child or many, whether the parents are young or old, single or married, because I do not know their story. But, I do know what it is like to be a parent, and I know the job is hard enough without people judging you. I do hope for parents I see that they are raising their kids well and with love.

4. Annie found the rosaries. I don't keep them put away or well-hidden. But, she recently discovered them. She does not do this with our dress up beads as much anymore. I wonder if she likes the varying styles of beads in the rosaries. After she played with the beads, she pulled all our religious books from the table for the third time this week. I do not know what she is looking for. It's just cute and interesting watching her quietly discover the world.

5. Last week was a little rough with the sick kids. But, we have had it worse before. A couple of mornings, I discovered that Annie had thrown up a little in the night (too much mucus in her chest) and she needed a morning bath to wash the stinky smell out of her hair. She gave me some funny looks while in the bath as though she was not fully awake and did not know what she was doing in the bath. Sometimes, the looks she gives me remind me of my brother. She gave me a look like that in the bath, so I took some pictures. It's her looks and the fact that when she gets naked she runs around sucking in her stomach so that you can see all ribs. He used to do that to show you how hungry he was. ;-) Every kid has to have bathing baby pictures for reminiscence later in life.

6. I went to the midwife yesterday and was told I was slightly low in iron. That explains a lot. More iron, please! I came home and had a spoonful of peanut butter and a couple squares of dark chocolate. Yay, for high iron treats. Later, I made burgers for dinner and discovered the bread crumbs I used in the patties had more iron than the peanut butter and chocolate combine. That was funny to me. I guess I need to eat more iron rich food in greater volume. I do eat iron rich foods, so I guess the baby is taking more than that. I probably need to be better about taking my pre-natal vitamin, drink less caffeine and eat more vitamin C too.

7. I have been helping to organize a retreat for my Catholic moms group again this spring. The retreat will be this weekend. Please say a prayer for the ladies who will be attending. It is a Eucharist centered retreat. I am very pleased with the topics and flow of the retreat. I have had a great team of organizers too, which have helped in the ease of planning and executing. But, now we are in the final hours before the retreat and I am feeling anxious. It has not happened yet, and if it flops, it is on my head. I also have been anxious throughout these days, because I have a few important details to tie up. It has been very difficult to complete with the household to maintain, the kids to care for and total exhaustion. (The kids have been waking a lot in the night. I'm average six hours a night.) But, when the retreat finally arrives all I can do is pray, "Thy Will be done." And rest it in His hands.