By Day

Exploring feeling and spirituality is difficult. On March 6th, during the Trinity Youth Service, two members offered their sense of how personal crisis can be informed and mediated by their faith journey. In the first, Maggie Campbell shares her journey of both losing and reconnecting with God. This sense of loss and being connected seems to come together in a discussion of forgiveness that is explored by Teddy McDonald as he offers insight into the transcendental nature of love and how the scripture teaches that the point of being connected is about love, not rules. Both find and share their distinctly personal path.

Reconnecting. By Maggie Campbell

As I think some can relate to, I’ve left God behind once or twice. When something horrible happens, it’s easy to ask: where is God? The answer is always, right here. It can be hard for me see, but that’s because I seem to have to make a journey to someplace secluded where I really see him.

About my freshman year, I was going through a really rough time fighting depression and anxiety and I lost God along the way. I wasn’t exactly sure if I would find him again. I still continued to go to church, but I had trouble feeling connected. That was until I went on the high school retreat. Arriving at Camp Paddy Run felt different to me. It was a feeling that is hard to describe. I was more open to being part of group activities, talking, and just being around the youth group. I was able to feel accepted, a serious improvement from the past months.

One thing that had put a boundary between me and God was the feeling of not being accepted. This led me to feel like I was constantly wronging the people around me. Why? I had no clue. It didn't actually make sense but those feelings rarely do. I felt that the way I treated others made it so I wouldn't be accepted by or forgiven by God.

The Camp Paddy Run experience of being accepted was similar to the feeling I imagine the prodigal son felt coming home. A feeling that I wasn’t sure I deserved. Don't get me wrong, I definitely didn't mind feeling accepted. But I didn't think I deserved to be accepted. While fighting my depression, this feeling was fed by a constant feeling of worthlessness. My worthlessness made me feel like I needed to apologize for it. But I didn't. Because God is the Father, he loves you. As the father said to the eldest son, "This brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found." I was dead because by leaving God I lost a lot of what made me feel accepted. But now I was alive again because I came back to God and he forgave and never stopped loving me. I learned something that I feel everyone should know if they lose God: You can always come back because you are accepted, forgiven, and loved.

Forgiveness as a method of connecting. By Teddy McDonald

The whole point of religion is to join with others to reduce the separation between us and God. But this is a hard task. Sometimes people feel that they aren’t wanted by the church, and that separates them further. Every single one of us has made mistakes and has done things or said things God wouldn’t like. These acts in themselves separate us from God, but many times our shame for our transgressions causes a deeper, unnecessary divide between us and God.

The prodigal son disrespected his father and wasted his money on sinful things, but when he wanted to go back to his old life, to atone for his mistakes and get his life back on track again, he hesitated. He didn’t want to go back because he thought his father wouldn’t take him back, that he would be hated, and that he would never be forgiven; but this idea was just conjured in his mind. His father was always going to take him back, was waiting for a chance to forgive him, but the son had convinced himself that his father hated him, and he’d be lucky to be taken back as a servant. The whole time he wouldn’t come back out of pride and shame his father was sadder and sadder; he just wanted his son back, regardless of his flaws.

Jesus tells us that God is always there to forgive us; all we have to do is come back. We have to put aside our shame and just know that we are still wanted by God. It’s easy to think I’m not wanted by God because of all of my mistakes, but this just separates me from God even more and causes me to make even more mistakes.

That’s why we need supportive churches and stories like the prodigal son. We are reminded that God is waiting with open arms no matter what we do, and that staying away from him due to shame is a step in the wrong direction. Sometimes many of us act like the older son; we think we follow the rules and do no wrong, then act with an air of self-righteousness. This is bad. It causes us to ostracize those who have made mistakes. Then they feel if the church doesn’t want them God must not want them either. They no longer feel God’s forgiveness and no longer feel God’s love when they go to church

We can’t judge or ostracize, we need to trust God’s forgiveness. We need to follow God’s love, kindness and forgiveness and make sure the next time a prodigal son returns, we are right there with our father welcoming our lost brother or sister back and joining in the group hug.