Sunday, April 29, 2012

Post-Dating Friendships...Are They Worth It?

It’s actually OK to say – no, let’s not be friends or "I'm not here for your personal friend-tertainment".

I just had an epiphany…regardless of what you think, me
being your friend post-fling does not somehow make me an emotionally superior
being. In real life it means I’ve now signed up to have awkward turtle moments
for an unspecified period time which usually means up until one of us gets a
significant other who is not having that ish!

I’m sure many of you have had these moments… the “I shouldn’t have sent that
text in my drunken stupor”, “who is this new chick/fella posing in his/her FB
profile”, or my personal fave “do we kiss or otherwise if the moment feels
right after that we’re just friends, strictly platonic, catch-up dinner”.

As we navigate the dating scene there comes a point when the
go/no-go decision becomes apparent. The question is – when it’s not a formal
relationship what happens post no-go? Does a we’re not attracted to each other
anymore switch go off that instantly makes your former potential beau become
your new no-date Friday happy hour buddy? I think not.

Now there are obviously variants in this, and there are
instances when a continuing friendship makes sense i.e. professional linkages
or shared circle of friends. But in my opinion, if any sexual encounter is
involved – you really should avoid the “friends” box.

Now don’t get up in arms on me! This is just one busy girl’s view. BUT part of
this deals with how you describe this “friendship” to the person you meet that
actually wants to commit with you. Those casual meet-ups will likely not be
tolerated by the person who wants to be exclusive once they know the nature of
that relationship – which they should. AND if the “friendship” is over once
this happens, what was the point of it anyways? Friendship is not a consolation
prize for a failed courtship.

The other items to be avoided are misplaced expectations on
post-situationship friendships. If you’re on the wrong side of the coin…friendship
can be an ill substitute for a relationship you wanted to happen. On the other
end, if you dig the person but don’t see the potential for a match, prepare to
be on the receiving end of scrutiny of your intentions upon each interaction
(whether stated or not).

Rather than giving energy to this pseudo-friendship, turn
your attention to your real friends (you know, the ones you haven’t had sex
with) and clear room for the relationship that’s meant to come your way!