The Black Sheep

Franzia Boxed Chillable Red Wine Review

Boxed wine is for the boujee on a budget. Perfect for anyone looking to rebrand, boxed wine makes you look ten times more sophisticated than drinking Natty, and at the same price! The best part is you’ll still end up as drunk as you would normally be after drinking a Four Loko, but instead of having sex behind the bar alleyway you’ll end up having sex in the bathroom of a pop-up art show outside campus.

Grade: B+

Smells Like: Snobbery and a much higher tax bracket.

Tastes Like:Any other wine. Get real ya winos, it all tastes the same.

Typical Drinkers: – Dude who considers himself a connoisseur of the arts because he took an intro to pottery course at his park district over winter break.

– Your widowed aunt.

– People who use the word “postmodern.”

– VSCO users, who think they’re professional photographers.

– That one guy who never stops talking about how acid changed his life.

User Comments:– “I should pick up painting and paint someone like one of those French girls.”

– “I’m pretty sure this is the wine they use in church.”

– “I have this weird urge to go to a hipster coffee shop right now.”

– “We poppin’ boxes instead of bottles, just like the rappers.”

Best Described as a Drink Superior To:Franzia Boxed Crisp White Wine. You know there are only two types of people in this world.

How Should I Drink This?: Three words: slap the bag.

How Will I Feel The Next Day?:You’ll have the worst hangover of your life and swear that you’ll never drink wine again… like you said the last time.