Across the sky I reach for you

Ramblings of a disorganzied woman

Working as a trade embalmer is an interesting experience. From what I have learned, if it is a challenging case, if they are oversize, if they have been autopsied and/or tissue donation, we are the ones you call to embalm.'That is not a complaint, it's just an observation. It came up at work, as I am currently mentoring an intern who had gone to work briefly at a traditional funeral home, before coming back to work with me and I mentioned that if I were to leave my current position I would work as an independent embalmer/funeral director. I had jokingly mentioned to a friend that my calling card should be "Have trocar, will travel".

In my job I wear many hats, funeral director, dispatch, removal tech, embalmer, and lead. I have two 'call-out' embalmers that trade off alternating weekends of the month. One of them has gone through two years of chemo and surgery for breast cancer and during that time, if she was on light duty we made accommodations for it and her.

Jump forward 2 years - my second call out embalmer is having some back issues, and the doctor puts her on light duty. She comes in with the note and is told to go home, that she can come back in two weeks with a clear to work note from the doctor.

In the two years between there have been a few that have had light duty that abused the system, but I feel that the response was out of line and uncalled for. It was however the owner of the business that made the call.

I guess that I am just wondering if this is as wrong as I feel that it is?

Rereading my last post from 2 years ago - I am still at Mortuary Service Provider. My interviews didn't pan out like I had hoped, but in looking at those same companies now I only only be grateful. One has a problematic worker, and their record with female employees makes me thank the Goddess everyday that I do not have to work with him on a regular basis. Nothing like having have your staff quit in protest when you bring said problem child from oe funeral home to another.

The other position (different company) was given to another person, and honestly I cannot understand why they do things the way that they do. But I don't work for them, so it really doesn't matter I guess.

Its a very small world in the death industry, so you always want to be cautious in what you say or do.

The house is in turmoil - to much time together, to many adults all in the same house Its very difficult when two of the adults are the grown children of the other two.

Anger festers and boils out over trivial comments.

No one apologizes for the hurt, the pain, the sorrow caused. Each would rather have the other apologize.

Old angers and hurts are dragged out and reviewed.

We were terrible parents. We spanked, sometimes unjustly, its easy to point and say that this is where you did the incorrect thing.

The self loathing I feel for not being a better parent is crippling. I wish I had better role models, but I am a product of my parents. A battered and abused wife, an alcoholic and abusive father, whom I suspect of having some bi-polar tendencies, based on reviewing my memories. Its too late to know, both are long dead and their children reap their sowing.

Too long too late. My children are grown and alternately love and hate us in turn. They want to escape to another state. I wish I could make it possible for them.

I wish that I could get any of us to have a conversation with out it turning into a battle.

I wish, I wish, I wish, but none of that does any good.

Eventually they will leave and we will be left behind, as it should be, but the thought hurts.

I got a note from a long time friend wanting to know if this journal was still active and I realized that I haven't updated in two years.

Time, like a river flows ever on, even when we attempt to hold it back.

In my case I made the realization that I rarely have the opportunity to just sit in front of a computer these days. When I worked for the Evil Empire was in front of one 8-10 hours a day, now I'm lucky to have an hour a day in front of one.the limits blogging and fandom activities pretty quickly.

I'm not complaining, I'm still employed full time in my field and I'm licensed as both a full funeral director and an Embalmer, so the trade-off is fair, but miss the ease participating in fandom.

So, here in a nutshell is what's happened in the past two years....

I am still employed at the mortuary provider and finished my internships. I passed my exams and became fully licensed. I am currently job hunting for something in a more traditional funeral home and have done a couple interviews.

My spouse embraced their inner woman and began transitioning a year ago. The Elder and the Younger Spawn continue to reside at the family home, the Elder working in their chosen field as well. They had planned on moving out, then as typical with life a crisis occurred and that was put on hold. Medical bills to be paid off, etc. Nothing to worry about, just a gall bladder that needed to come out then a reaction to the meds. All it's fine with them now.

The Middle Spawn, the Son in Law, and the Spawnletts moved back to the area for health issues and are doing mostly okay. Time prevents me from seeing then as much as I'd like, and I want to change that for the coming year.

And it starts out like this; over the summer, although I'd done the 'walk' for graduation I had one last class to take and pass.

PUBLIC SPEAKING

Just so I am clear, this shall never be spoken of again.

The class itself wasn't that horrible, but I found myself wondering why the hell I actually had to subject myself to this class. I could see the point for several in my cohort - they couldn't get up in front of the class to present a slideshow, let alone a persuasive argument, but I'm an old pro at standing in front of crowds and talking. Oh well, it really doesn't matter, I did the fucking class and passed and have my diploma sitting at the school waiting for me to pick it up.

Things got really hairy by the end of summer financially here as my student loan wouldn't pay for the singular class and the annuity that I'd been receiving monthly from my mom's estate ran out (with out a statement or notice from the annuity company). Luckily I'd only scheduled one bill payment to come out so I didn't have a load of fees from the credit union.Luckily enough all my job hunting FINALLY paid off and I have a full time job, in the profession I got a degree for and everything!

I'm working for a funeral care center. What this means is that we aren't an actual funeral home, instead we provide services to 40+ funeral homes in the area that include removal and storage of decedents, cremation, embalming, casketing, and the more frequent than I would have thought shipping of said decedents to other places via plane and train.

I've been there two full weeks and the best part is that I'm also doing my internships there. No more trying to find a funeral director to intern under, or embalmer either. I'm interning under the boss for my funeral director internship and under one of the embalmers for my embalming internship.

And the truly bestest part of all? Its a paying job!

For the first time in 3 years I am working full time. It's a big adjustment and it feels great! Now I'm just playing to learning game and working on getting used to working full time again. I figure in another week or so my body will realize and adjust to the early wake up and will stop nagging me so much about it all.

It goes by many names and each carries some specific weight and tradition with it.

Most simply use Lammas as it’s easy to say and spell. Others who have a decidedly more Irish or Celtic bent will use Lughnasadh instead. Regardless of what you call it, in the northern hemisphere it is associated with the first harvest of grain and is frequently celebrated with games and a feast.

In my early years I had a friend who threw a big Lughnasadh party every year that went for the entire weekend. We’d all camp out on her front yard in Arroyo Grande and play games; there’d be athletic games, strategy games, and games for the kids. On Saturday there’d be a big feast often showcasing rabbit and on Sunday her coven would lead the ritual in celebration.

Lughnasadh is the traditional time for games to be held in honor of Tailtiu, who cleared a large forest so that the land could be tilled. On her deathbed she told the men of Ireland that as long as they held games in her honor that Ireland would never be without song.

Here are some traditional recipes for dishes to be served on this day; please note that these are not ‘low-fat’ or other such nonsense recipes.

I got sad news this past week in that one of my uncles was taken off of life support on Sunday.

He'd had a brush with lung cancer several years ago but had surgery and all was good. Apparently they did not as it had metastasized and when they found it this time it was too late. He was placed in a brief coma and then taken off of life support.

I know I am okay with it all, but I fear badly for the wife he is leaving behind along with his sons and grandchildren.

Goodbye Kenneth, you will be missed by your brothers and mother who survive you as well as the numerous nieces and nephews.

I’ve one more quarter of school and then I graduate.It’s hard for me to believe that the time has passed so quickly.

The quarter draws to a close and as I prepare for finals I think back on what I have learned this quarter; Embalming has been an intense learning experience this quarter even more so than last quarter. It’s been good and I believe that I made the right choices in choosing this program.

The second quarter of Restorative Arts was pretty intense – we had to choose someone real and then recreate their head out of wax. It was judged by a panel of 10 judges – other teachers outside the program. I was very proud to have gotten 99 out of 100 on mine.

I'm about 4 weeks from the quarter ending and then one more quarter and I'll be done with my program!

WHOO HOO~ let the partying begin :D

I'll have three 'arranged classes' which means that they will be online, and two classes on campus. Unfortunately one is during the day, the other is at night. Le sigh. It was either that or end up taking accounting over the summer.

Now the hard stuff begins, I have to find a temp internship (6 weeks) and then a full time one for my licensing. I also need to start studying for my boards as I cannot officially graduate until I pass those. That'll be a $400.00 fee for testing. Ouch!

So, if anyone feels like they have a couple of bucks laying around that they want to contribute to my schooling fund, here is the link again :D

School has finally let out for the season, luckily the stomach bug that abeilledeverte and kidlets left with us was over the weekend before finals. I think I only did bad on one final due to lack of being able to study D: but still passed the class.

Chemistry was actually the one I was worried about but I am fairly happy with the grades no matter what.

I've spent the last week recovering from classes and doing some holiday baking as well as celebrating my 30th (gasp) wedding anniversary with the Beloved Spouse (moondancer ).

So far I've baked fruitcake twice, made molasses/ginger cookies, sugar cookies, coconut haystacks, and bark with redhots instead of candy canes over the top. In my experimentation over the past 3 or so years with fruitcakes I come up with a version that is likeable by just about everyone I've tried it out on. My personal complaint with fruitcake is that the texture is kinda gross, it frequently smells like old shoes, and the glace` fruit is just nasty....

My version is closer to a spiced bread with fruit and nuts - made with out any glace` fruits, and instead is made with just assorted dried fruits - this years version has dried cherries, blueberries, currants, dates, figs, craisins, and candied ginger. I've also added more nuts than the recipe calls for, and the last batch has both walnuts and hazelnuts. I upped the spices (cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves) and replaced the shortning with organic butter. I cooked them in individual muffin cups/tins so that each is a single serving, easily heated with a smear of butter for breakfast. We've all certainly enjoyed them here as has the Eldest Spawn's BFF & family. I've debated on the alcohol basting - and have decided against it for the time being as many of my friends are in recovery, though I did rehydrate the fruit in about a 1/2 cup Jim Beam Red Stagg - it's pretty nice.

Today I'll frost the sugar cookies and make pumpkin fudge. I may make regular fudge as well, with and without nuts. I need to pick up more candied ginger to make more molasses cookies as well as maybe some gingerbread.

School continues - I think I will be fine in all my classes and could even possibly pass chemistry! Whoo hoo.

Now, just to bitch and gripe a little on chem, I am loving the class ...BUT... I really needed a pre-chem type class to start with, unfortunately the school doesn't offer one. I never took chem in high school, and even if I had, that was ...mumble...30...mumble years ago.

So, many of the student in the class are nursing and dental tech students, and they all gather every fucking day with the tutor to go over the work and homework, they have to have a excellent grade to pass for their program, thankfully the FSE program is a little more forgiving.

Turns out several students in my class lobbied for a take-home test, which the teacher agreed to. Took it home and it took me 8+hours to finish! And I really don't think he changed it to be harder just because it was a take home test, and that's the scary thing to me - if I'd been trying to do it in class in the hour he allows I would have failed miserably.

So, back to the other students and the tutor - the met up with the tutor and went over the test, turns out there was a question on there he had no clue as to how to do the answer for. So, am I just crazy thinking that he's throwing shit at us that we have no ideas of? I think the instructor is a great teacher, but like many who have a degree, teach, retire then come back to it, they forget just how hard it is for those who this is their first or second exposure to chemistry.

Turns out the scores ran for 41 to 103 and I got 101! This is the best score I have gotten on any test in his class by far and it drug my grade from a C to a low B - as long as I can do okay on the last test I should be able to pass with a C at the lowest. This is the one class I am stressing out over big time as you can guess.

The rest are not 'cake' but have more easily relate-able subject matter as they all focus on funeral stuff.

In Restorative Art we've learned all about the skull, muscles and structures of the head for doing reconstruction and restoration. The last couple of weeks we've been able to work with wax to learn the proper way to create an ear or nose.

Funeral Options is all about coming up with the right options for each individual instead of a the standard 'casket/service/graveside' or 'cremate/urn' that folks tend to think about when they are looking at setting up a funeral. A lot of work and thought goes into it all and it's a difficult thing to broach.

Funeral Home Management is all about running your own business, much as you might guess from the title. So a lot of information about advertising, web sites, employee stuff.... basically Small Business Management aimed towards the funeral business.

And then there is Embalming..... I've gotten to embalm 2 bodies now, and I think that this indeed the right place for me. I felt a sense of accomplishment over being able to embalm someone's loved one and make them look good for a service/viewing. I felt like I was giving something back to those families and to the person whom I embalmed.

However.... I really wish that the drawings were more like the real thing when you are attempting to find a carotid artery and jugular vein, just saying :-P

And yeah, here is my plea for monies to help with the costs of schooling again:www.lookingbackwards.net/katrina.htmlWhile the lab fee for the class is $500, that only covers the cost of the 'body' and not of all the supplies that we have to purchase each and every time, so it's a little pricier than expected. Any little bit helps, and you have my deepest and greatest thanks. Please, feel free to pass on, signal boost, and share this link.

I am looking forward to December 9th, as school ends the 8th and I get to finally sleep in!

It's been a busy month with school restarting, babies being expected, friends traveling and a social security hearing....

So, from the top:

Youngest Spawn had her SSI hearing - we are still waiting to hear back on the decision but it was so stressful she dropped out of classes for this semester.

Middle Spawn, aka abeilledeverte was expecting to deliver at the end of November. Due to some issues she was going to heading over the mountains to this side to be closer to the hospital and the specialist at Children's Hospital for the Spud. Then late last week she ended up being hospitalized and they induced labor.

The Beloved Spouse headed over to offer support and help to run herd on the toddling terror.

This morning at 1:02 the Spud made her appearance in the world. She'll be in NICU for a while, and that's pretty much all the info I really have at the moment.

Family friend the Garzan left this morning to go to Thailand for 6 months to work as a volunteer - I'll be babysitting his big assed red SUV (you have no idea of how much this is fun for me). Dropped him off at the airport this morning and he'll arrive sometime tomorrow.

And finally school.... chemistry is kicking my ass somewhat but I think I'll be okay. The rest of the classes are going well and we're still waiting on a body to have our first embalming lab. *fingers crossed* that'll happen this Friday :D

Currently I am reading (and in some cases rereading) Diane Duane's excellent Young Wizards series. I read the first three or four when they first came out, then lost track of them. She's been offering up a fabulous deal on them in ebook format through her personal site, so I bought them and have started them over again.

I've forgotten just how much I love these books, and how easily I am transported into Kit & Nita's lives. If you've not read them, I strongly recommend them.

so, all I need to do today is laundry, pack the school bag, figure out lunch stuff & sew together my costume that I'm wearing at the Haunted Cornmaze I'll be working at in October. We're having the kickoff meeting today and I need to bring my costume. They provided it, but it was too small (no real surprise) so I bought more fabric and will gusset up the sides to make it fit over my larger frame. I'm adding ties so if the next person to wear it is smaller they can easily cinch it in.

*breathes deeply* I can get everything done by this evening. I can. Really.

Been terribly stressed about finances, so I go shopping. Not the smartest but it was to the Dollar Tree and I spent a whopping $35 for 5 bags of decorating stuff!!!!!

School will start back in a week (ARRRGH! I'm Not READY!) and I've not gotten everything done that I need to. I cannot get hold of the financial aid office to see how to pick up the scholarship check that I was awarded - I burst into tears when I get the letter yesterday. It was such a relief to know that I was going to be able to get my shots that I need for class (hey, I'll be working with dead bodies, I need to be protected), my PPEs (personal protective equipment) and what books I am missing (Chem, I am looking at you!) for this quarter. But I need them to answer the phones!!!!!

I did get the photo shoot appt. scheduled and I still have to write my thank you letter to the board for awarding the scholarship to me.

Whew~!

I am still seeking donations to help defray costs of this quarter so if you can help with donating, signal boosting, whatever you will have my deepest thanks, blessings for being wonderful and big squishy hugs.

Grades - I did well this past quarter: I got a 3.9 in Embalming, a 4.0 in Biology & physiology and a 3.6 in Quantitative Reasoning. Since we had to self grade in the last one I felt weird about asking for anything higher, though I could justify it easily enough. Still, I am shocked, amazed and thrilled about the grades from the summer quarter, especially as we were on a compressed schedule.