I spent a lifetime trying to understand men and the dating process. The questions that wreaked havoc on my self-esteem were: “Why am I unable to attract the interest of a desirable man.” And “Why do men not ask me for a second date.”

The answer to my relationship problems came to me serendipitously from a girlfriend.

Whatever you worry most about in life, will filter the way you view your life. If the underlying driving force in your life is security, you may accept less than what you want and deserve in a relationship.

Dating is one big fishing hole: well-groomed, stylish women catch bigger, better fish. It’s a cruel fact of life: Most single men won’t pursue you if you don’t present an attractive presence. Shallow? Perhaps. But a man's sexual prowess is controlled by his eyes.

If you’ve never been involved with a conning, pathological lying, narcissistic man—you may not know what you’re dealing with. You may mistrust your instincts that your boyfriend/husband is lying to you, demeaning you and controlling you. Worse yet, you may think you are over-reacting and crazy—as he claims you are.

You can’t stand to be with him ... but you can’t stand to be without him. You broke off with your boyfriend or husband because he was withdrawn, neglectful and uncommunicative, or he cheated on you, or he was physically or verbally abusive. You’re trying to get on with your life without him in it.