Top Model: The one in the shire

Yikes, guys, what happened tonight? Considering this is the penultimate episode of the season cycle, I really expected more. Too much everyone else and not enough Angelea, right? Despite the freak fire (we’ll get to it), the entire night was just … *yawn* What? They couldn’t stuff crazy Pat Cleveland in an overhead compartment for this trip? (Tyra didn’t want to pay the extra fee to check her eyelashes, I presume.)

Whatever, if Angelea doesn’t make it to the final two, I will be heartbroken.

But before the final four, we’ve got to leave one of these five genius in Hobbit Town, or something. Onward!

First things first, tonight’s episode actually took the time to teach us all a very valuable lesson about the dangers of tacos.

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Never say this show never taught you anything …

So, yeah, Jessica is an idiot. Apparently she was trying to warm up some taco shells by putting them on top of the toaster? Then when the toaster burst into flames, she threw a wet dishtowel on top of the toaster while it was still plugged in. Krista and I were like:

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Remember when I gave the models guff for always being so terrible at guessing the Tyra Mail? Well, it’s not entirely their fault. Not only does Tyra feel the need to send her eponymous mail in some sort of texting language, but it just never communicates its actual message. Take for example, this:

In reality (not to be confused with Tyra’s reality), the challenge takes place in the actual shire from The Lord of the Rings films, which is a movie all about square pegs, I assume. Look, there’s a hobbit now!

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Another reason to love Angelea? While all the girls freaked out to meet an actor from Lord of the Rings, she hadn’t seen the movie and was thus nonplussed.

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Haha, whatever NERDS.

The ladies had five frames to crouch in a little hobbit doorway. Typical modeling. Krista won the challenge, but Angelea was looking good.

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Werq.

Back at the house Alexandra and Krista were talking smack about Angelea’s club walk from last week. As much as I hated to hear them disparage my boo, it did allow for the producers to share the clips again, this time with fancy disco effects.

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I don’t know about you, but I’ve got my new desktop background.

They also start ripping into sunshiney Raina, and I can’t really blame them. I mean really, look at this:

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Raina: New Worst?

This week’s photoshoot is going to have Tyra herself behind the camera. There’s this whole convoluted thing about wine and shadows, but what it really boils down to is she’s holding some doilies up in the sun and letting the light patterns land on the girls. Look at her being a serious artist:

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Definitely how to properly hold a camera.

She, of course, is nothing but a beacon of clarity and good communication throughout the shoot.

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Honest to goodness quote: “She’s the courtesan up in the ropes.”

Some other gems from Tyra include telling Krista, “You are the cheetah with a secret,” and then this awesome piece of direction for Alexandra.

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“I want you to think a little bit more danger and what your secrets are and really think about something that you really don’t want anybody to know, OK? But you’re about to tell because you feel trust, so you’re about to tell, but you’re not sure. “

Makes complete sense.

Raina is a little bratty about being pretty much naked and getting all that clay in her hair. Mr. Jay theorizes (with seemingly no actual evidence) that Raina doesn’t like edgy shoots. Jessica struggles as well, failing to look editorial enough to please the Tyra.

At panel, Tyra’s jumpsuit wasn’t even that ridiculous, that’s how disappointing this episode was. Andre was wearing some sort of lime colored tent with pink lining that made his sleeves look like that cuff in the grocery store where you stick your arm in and it takes your blood pressure. Except for ladies.

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Once again Krista takes top photo, and once again it’s totally deserved.

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Weirdly Nigel gave this perfect explanation of smiling with your eyes or SMIZE-ing or whatever: You just always pretend you’re looking into the distance.

3 Responses

Angelea’s the worst. She talkes crap constantly but cant take the heat when it the script is flipped. It actually felt good to see her squirm. Quite honestly she is the uglyest thing I have seen on Top model….ever