Thanksgiving is trivia feast

The bald eagle is a bird of bad moral character ... the turkey is a much more respectable bird.

- Benjamin Franklin

Want to amaze your Turkey Day guests?

Want to have something to say so you won't have to listen to your brother-in-law's golf exploits - again?

Well, here's some Thanksgiving trivia to get you off the hook.

What was the first Thanksgiving menu?

Turkey, venison, oysters, fish, clams, boiled pumpkin, corn cakes and cranberries. It was cooked for 140 pilgrims and Indians by four women and two teenage girls. At the end of the meal, Chief Massasoit's brother Quadequina slipped into the woods and returned with a bushel of popcorn.

When did Macy's begin Thanksgiving parades in New York?

That would be 1924. But in 1927, they replaced live animals with big balloon animals - a dragon, an elephant and Felix the Cat. An inflated toy soldier rounded out the parade.

When is Thanksgiving celebrated in Canada?

It's over already. They celebrate gratitude the second Monday in October.

FRIENDLY REMINDER: Where has November gone? Where has 2003 gone? A month from this morning will be the Christmas celebration.

HOLIDAY WARNING: Here's a story for the holidays. Just days before Thanksgiving, a couple received a mysterious envelope in the mail. Inside were two tickets to a play at the big city theater and a card signed: "Guess who?"

Intrigued, they went to the theater, had a great time and returned home to find their back door open and their home robbed of many valuables.

On the kitchen table was another nice card signed, "Now you know."

MAILBAG:Charlie Williams writes: "Dear, Bill. My wife and I enjoy your column, but we can't decide sometimes if you're serious or if you make this stuff up."

Dear Mr. Williams: It is not unlike the dilemma of a loudly barking dog that continues to wag its tail. You don't know which end to believe.

TODAY'S JOKE: A policeman pulled over an auto driven by an elderly spinster and began to write out a ticket.

"What are you putting down?" the woman snapped.

"Well," said the officer, "I'm citing you for crossing over the center line three times, running a stop sign, turning left at a red light, not to mention that I had to follow you five blocks with my lights flashing to get you to stop."

"You know," she said, "it's a shame you came after me while there are still so many drunks on the roads."

"To tell the truth, ma'am," said the policeman, "I thought I had one."