Some knew me as Half-Bengali Half-Russian model Liliana Alam. Others knew me as multi-talent genius TheAnomalyInfinite.Others as silly Lili.I've done many things and known many lives,all irrelevant.What am I really?That's an answer best left to time.Because "What are you when you devote yourself completely to an ideal?....You become something else entirely.... And what is that?
****LEGEND****"

ME-1st Slideshow and MY ARTWORKS-2cd/bottom Slideshow

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Friday, May 16, 2008

So bizarre, this feeling that overwhelms me. It rushes thru my spinal fluid and heart. Oh joy that the inspiration has become me, I am alive, I am running, I am the lark. How hard the mind wants to work, to reach a euphoric trascendence. To finally at last be worthy of immortal remembrance. The great idea, the final phrase. A love that forever seeps into roses and escapades. The ideal, is it worth more than the active course. The eye which sees the future is our instinctual urge. How do we know what we want. Do not we eventually attain it somehow. Thru pure coincidence our fate is bound. I hunger for more, and the answer to. This insanity which captures my fingers and glues me to...The darkest alley in the shadow of the prostitutes, on the chance that it may bring me further to my great pursuit. Inside the mortal minds of men, the perplexed confusion leads us further into our true selves. I connect the stars in the sky to the arrow upon which now I fly. And there the birds sit somberly and talk to me. And there I always am searching to be.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Morality is what a parent's own system of belief, which they received from their own parents, is injected upon the lives of their children. Morality is a circular concept which is difficult to trace due to its very nature. It is created by humans and entirely manufactured to the rules of modern society, whatever society those humans might be living in. Morality in Africa could mean respecting your parents enough to have tattoos painfully marked into your skin and raping 12 year old virgins. In America it could mean leaving the home by 18 and upon completion of virtuous, college education, buying your parents a ritual token of your love, such as a vacation to an exotic place payed for by you, or an object of value that took you 4 years of hard work in low-pay minimum wage jobs. All for the sake of eventually becoming a person of "character". Character, let's analyze this bizarre notion. That by following a specific set of behaviours, by performing specific deeds somewhat like a monkey without a brain, you eventually earn the respect of those humans around you. It makes me want to shoot anyone I see in the street. Clones of the same process. And if you love someone, that depth of feeling and enormous chemical surge in every vein of your body is not enough. It has to be proven with buying trinkets of affection, or making grand gestures, or remembering to be compassionate and caring. Of course you want the one you love to be happy. But yet again, what does Happy mean? Happy in modern society means having a job which you enjoy which gives you a comfortable income, a dwelling of some sort, a family who you love, physical health and spiritual satisfaction. How fantasmical. A do-list of things to make happiness possible. This notion that character, morality, happiness, are actual real things continually shows the true, beautiful hopeful nature of humans, and also their ultimate stupidity. We are all hermits. Completley isolated. I Am an island. No matter how deeply I love someone, there will be circumstances somehow, sometime in which we will be physically separate. Yes, emotional and spiritual feelings cross boundaries of physical distance and once a person who you would kill yourself for has entered your life, you will never stop loving them. But, you are still a hermit. If you want to live in society, you must follow its rules. Rules such as morality and social conscience. Rules that say you are not allowed to sleep naked on the beach at night without being declared psychotic, homeless, or dangerous. Rules that dictate you must have a job which provides money for you to live in your dwelling. Social rules which require you have regular dinner parties and engage in petty conversations by the workforce waterhole. Rules that demand that you must open up your feelings, philosophies, thoughts and ideas to strangers who thru the process of you opening up become your friends, thus making you a valuable addition to society. To be a true hermit, your only choice is to work for a long time to make enough money to buy a ticket to the remotest part of the world and live by traveling thru woods, perhaps naked, and eating whatever natural produce you find along the way. Survival is optional, and not mandatory because of your mortgage, and your crying babies, and your spousely duties. You are free. But, if you have an emotional attachment to someone, who is your very blood and life, you won't be fully free unless they are by your side. When caring for yourself, it doesn't matter as much if you have eaten or slept in a comfortable tree. But if the one you love is beside you, you want to spray some magical dust on everything which they touch to ensure it is worthy to be walked on, looked upon, or anything by them. You want the rocks to be soft, the sand to be smooth, the sky to be the continuous hue which they like, for them to not worry about anything. This very longing, this want and need to control the environment which surrounds your love, is the basis of the beginning of morality. Morality would not exist if there was only one person occupying the planet. For once there are two people, a trap exists. A freedom, true, that thru the exchange of physical lust, mental stimulation, idea convergence, understanding of some undefinable truth, obsession of a singular entity other than yourself, an insatiable hunger, thru this, is euphoria and transcendence. But, it is also the basis of human error. We could be so free, so completely pure and have everything that we want if we didn't fool ourselves into thinking we are all one unit. Most people want freedom. Not knowing how to attain it, they have various plans and ways of trying. There are the traditionalists who work hard throughout grade and high school, graduate from a respectable university and work hard at a job for 40 years, then retire and sail around the world. There are the entreperneural types who go the route of business, usually achieving the same but in a less amount of time. Then there are the art-inclined who either achieve this freedom at a young age, or continue to be paid pennies for their creative existance but find freedom within it, and probably never get to retire and sail around the world. To each, freedom is still an individual thing. For an artist, it would be to paint, to be free to paint whatever he or she wanted, at whatever time, and to be able to eat and sleep somewhere without worrying about where the money would be coming from. For those with families, it is about having enough money to be able to spend as much time with as possible. For the achievement inclined, it is about how many awards and accolades and perhaps monetary compensation they can earn as possible. Even an individual in love, in freedom, hopes to be with the one they love, but that want is an internal, individual phenomenon that comes from within their own mind. Morality, makes all these individual freedoms somewhat impossible. An artist paints what he/she wants to paint, and many times what that is is not what anyone else wants to see. In order for them to survive, they must paint an image which others want to see, because money, comes from others. Because of this fair ethics policy in society, an individual should not be forced to do something they don't want to do. An artist could not hold up someone at gunpoint and demand them to pay for their painting. A businessman cannot blackmail a client into purchasing a property or joining on a deal. It is these matters, which many choose to ignore. There are those in society who follow these laws of morality, and those living in society who do not. Many times it is difficult to distinguish who is and who isn't. People, when dealing with other people, will either manipulate the perceptions other people have of them thru talking or will be true to the selves they are when there are no people around. The point of morality, and existance of it can be summed up with just that. Who are you when there are no other people around. What do you do when you are alone. What thoughts do you think, what dreams do you dream? If who you are when you are alone is in conflict with who you are when you are amidst other people, the concept of morality is void. It is a mask of social construct, because people do not want to be themselves around other people. It limits freedom, to show so much of yourself. People are inherently selfish, and are inherently hermits. They fail to realize it because they want acceptance for who they are, or rather who they pretend to be in front of others. If there were no other people on the planet, no other beings or animals or plants, what would you do? Morality exists because society determines there is a need for it. Different societies have different moralities. The individual mindset is individual, and will never be fully equal to what any other person feels is innately sound for them. Society limits the individual by falsely promising freedom. Freedom, which if you live entirely alone, is already yours. Morality is the ultimate fraud of man. And man is scared of himself, his true self. The self that is violent. The self that survives. The self that subjects itself to pain and awareness and the instincts of nature. He fears the guttaral impulses he possesses and strives to erase them. Thru shirts, policies, moral conduct, taxes, road rules, licenses, marriages, committments, concepts of honour and justice and dignity, all of these exist only because man does not love his true, naked self. Morality is self-hatred disguised by a society of those who secretly hate themselves.

Masturbation is the highest level of self control possible. To exert the entirety of one's body to the point of orgasm/ejaculation is transcending. The focus required to successfully release a series of contracting pulses is not only healthy, but necessary. Morality, again, and the Religious Way, prohibits self-fulfillment. Because religious fanatics and The Moral are secretly self-hating. To give the body pleasure would be to admit that the body is capable of pleasure, and to admit that would be to say that a human is self-sufficient. A human can grow vegetables, walk, reproduce, and masturbate. Natural functions, most of which are discouraged by society, especially in the case of masturbation in overly-frequent amounts. Masturbation requires an attention to the tiny nuances of pressure and touch which stimulate the body to experience hungry sensations. A hunger that is similar to an itch, simultaneously pleasurable and painful. As most truly erotic pleasures are, pain is a subsidiary. The fingers, neck, collarbone, shoulders, back, butt, calves, legs, thighs, hair, ears, nose, mouth, lips, each a vital part in the construction of the human pleasure vehicle. The neglectful beliefs of sexual activists is that they forget about how immensely pleasurable the details can be. A specific touch at a specific temperature on a specific part of the body equates in a more pleasurable orgasm. To understand, to love and to touch all parts of the body and not just common erogenous zones is a matter of awareness and acceptance. Love. The beauty of the body, of each contraction, of each wave. This is not entirely dependent on emotional love. Emotional love comes from within loving onesself. When truly loving onesself, loving another's body is automatic. The best sex is thru this understanding. The connection felt during masturbation is perfect. That perfection is achieved with another only if both have both truly masturbated by themselves and taken the time to know what their body desires and responds to. Sex, is not about actions, nor is it about emotions. It is about an individual understanding of the body, and how the body relates to the mind, to the psyche, to the emotional sphere of the brain. These elements are crucial to the physical process of sex, the gravity of force and lack of it. Masturbation is about understanding yourself. Modern society encourages you to understand others, not yourself. Which is why few ever achieve true sexual fulfillment. Women are encouraged to attain to their partner's needs, men encouraged to have the stamina to fulfill their women. Neither is addressing the most basic human need, to feel sexual satisfaction within one's own mind. Listen to the urges you have within yourself while you masturbate. Suck your fingers if there is an impulse to put your mouth around an object. Lick your hand if there is an impulse to taste. Move, move hips, move legs, kick, if there is the natural instinct to do so. These impulses will be alive and muscle-automated during sex with another lover. If you had not masturbated, you would have picked up these signals during intercourse with another and would not be able to determine whether they were yours, or theirs, or how to do them. The interference of others prevents self happiness. And self happiness should be strived for because self exploration Is self happiness.These are the actions which masturbation helps us to understand about ourselves. It is only thru self-discovery when we will learn about how to satisfy another. Most importantly though, that each satisfies the individual self, and that thru this individual satisfaction, mutual satisfaction is met. Without masturbation, this bliss is not possible.

Plants and animal life are programmed with cell-death. They all eventually die. With the best possible estimates, let us say humans live an approximate maximum of 100 years.

Now what I have seen of humans is a rapturous high energy. It is mostly positive. Though not humble. It is an emotion of great Awe. Because of the realization of how limited time left, everyone packs as much into each moment as possible. The energy is action, to do. More experiences, more work, more activities, more anything, in a desperate effort to thank the sources of nature (and parents) and redeem our morality thru the principle of hard work, humans have masked their innate fear of dying as unfinished people by over-achieving and over-doing in any aspect of life. Not that there is anything wrong with it. I only ask, maybe the focus of life shouldn't be so much of trying to squeeze in 100 lives into 100 years, but to enjoy the limited time we have and enjoy it specifically for that reason. How about doing nothing for a change, and simply, being?

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense - and it shows
You're the kind of woman a man would launch a thousand ships for
It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department
But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing.
You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere.

And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile.
You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about.

You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid.
Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else

You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood.
Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Admit it, you can seduce practically anyone. And sometimes you try just for fun.
You're a total heartbreaker that knows when to play it cool.
You are the type of person people go completely lovesick over. Just use your powers for good, okay?

You're highly reactive, energetic, and super charged.
If the occasion calls for it, you can go from 0 to 60 in a split second.
But you don't harness your energy unless you truly need to.
And because of this, people are often surprised by what you are capable of.

Why you would be a good superhero: You have the stamina to fight enemies for days

Your biggest problem as a superhero: As with your normal life, people would continue to underestimate you

Your sexual power is obvious - you don't do anything to hide your sexuality.
In fact, if there's such a thing as a person with too much sexual power, it's you.

Your life and thoughts are dominated by sex. And while it's good to be sexually liberated, you're starting to have a one track mind.
You don't always have to use your sexual power. There's more to human interaction than getting naked!

There's hardly a person on this earth more real than you are.
You have no problem showing people who you are, flaws and all.
For you, there couldn't be any other way. Because it's way too stressful to live an inauthentic life.
You're very comfortable with yourself. And because of this, you're able to live an exciting, interesting, and challenging life.

Why? You like your guys manly - and in control
Not to mean controlling, but you do like the guy to take the lead
A Fire Sign man will take you by the hand and show you the world
Just make sure you're bold too - because this guy likes a challenge!

Hahahah. that's what Every quiz says. Cuz I'm a Leo too-fire sign. Well I'm with a Scorpio (the most fuckin' complicated and mysterious one there is!!!!! geezus)-and it works GREAT. But yea...I do like men who are challenges.

You Are Most Like Samantha!

For you, dating is the ultimate sport
You're into guys with power, looks, or a lot of money.
You rather have a great two weeks than a great forever.
But even you fall victim to love from time to time. :-)

Almost every guy that crosses your path ends up a little worse for the wear.
You see men as your playthings - and your motto is "So many men, so little time."
And while you're having fun, everyone is a little scared of you.
Your girlfriends are leery of your man-eating ways. And most men find you downright freaky.

When you were a kid, people often remarked on how mature you seemed. You acted quite adult.
You excelled at school, and you actually enjoyed it to a large extent. No one had to ask you to do your homework.

As a kid, you were probably a bit picky. You liked structure, schedules, and organization.
You had trouble being friends with regular kids. You probably were only friends with other serious children.

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Generally, you're very happy being a single woman.
And anyone who has a problem with that... well, that's there problem.
Not that you wouldn't share your life with the almost perfect guy.
You simply won't settle though. Your life is too good to share with some substandard man!

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.