Sunday, December 12, 2010

Lessons from Last Night: The best way to ignore being very cold inside a very old stone building with no heat is to not wear your jacket, pretend you're not cold at all, and keep up a steady pace of drinking. CourvoisierXO is amazing, and the next time I drink it will be at a Jay Z dance party, which I'm convinced exist, I just haven't found them yet. Always wear shoes that click loudly on marble, it makes it less likely you'll fall down. Never use a bic to light your cigar. Hold out petulantly until someone gets you an acceptable light. Industrial ovens make good hobo stoves, as long as you keep your arm above the flame and not in the flame. Everything alcoholic the Greeks make tastes like gasoline. Everybody wants to write but only bartenders really have the time for it. I am going to come up with a fake profession to tell people I am, like Volcanic Paleontologist or professional collector of teacups. We are all extremely scared of the weather, we are like mewing little kittens in the face of this upcoming snowstorm. And because we were scared of the snow, everyone brought really awesome food, plates of starches and meats and green beans. Knut is not only good at talking about liquor and having an awesome name, he's really good at cooking turkeys, also Andrew I think had a hand in it. Best job boys. People will always sing along to Time after Time, especially if its on a piano in a boxing ring.. If you sing Godspell, it will get stuck in my head for the rest of the night and then in the morning I'll end up humming Preeeeeeeparrre Thee the Way of the Lord, and really, is that the last impression you want to leave me with of you? Oh no, instead you're going to sing Rent as we're leaving in the morning. Great. Pear brandy exists and it is delicious. Eggnog and wassail together is actually pretty good too, mixed I mean. At least I thought it was at the time. There is a drink called the Beautiful, which is 50/50 cognac and grand marnier. It is what everyone should order from now on. The best time to eat turkey is at 4am (5am?), with your fingers, at which point he asked me if I was disappointed, standing in this large dark cold kitchen warm with brandy, sleeping bag in the other room, and I was in such the exactly opposite spot of being disappointed, the dead center opposite arc, I still have no idea what he was talking about.

Christ almighty Callahan what a great post. You should probably listen to me exclusively from now on. Once when I was single, I woke with a collection of leftover turkey bones in my bed. My cat was beside himself with joy. I want a Beautiful right fucking now.

"What I like best is a book that's at least funny once in a while...What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though." - J. D. Salinger