Tag Archives: self conscious

If you haven’t figured out by now, I lack an ability to be succinct. I am not one to say in a few words what I can exhaustively analyze, deconstruct, and put back together in hundreds of words. See, even then I couldn’t just leave it as an inability to be succinct.

I thought this would be a quick post. Simply to state that I let my nipple piercings close and have been growing my pubic hair.

Done. End of post!

Not.

JEN IS EMBARRASSED?
I am not one to normally feel self-conscious about things, whether it is what people think about TTWD, or about my appearance, or really about anything. However – I found myself becoming more self-conscious about my nipple piercings and pubic hair.

It’s ironic that our nudism was part of the trigger for this uneasiness. After all, I’ve found that nudism makes you less self-conscious and more accepting of your body. Yeah, I get it. I can try to rationalize away my uneasiness, but sometimes, you just can’t. You feel what you feel and you just have to deal! Emotions don’t care about logic.

Pre-nudism, my piercings and pubic hair were private and limited to the purview of those involved in TTWD. But now that we are full-fledged nudists, well, it ain’t so private anymore! And had a growing self-perception was that I was putting out a message that didn’t represent me or my thoughts. Something had to change. Those thoughts weren’t changing, so, the piercings had to go, and the hair had to return.

HAIR DOWN THAIRFor the longest time, Mike had me and Kayla with the same “look” down there, whether it be hair or no hair. But then Mike went through a phase where he had one of us sporting one look while the other sports another. “Visual variety” as he calls it! Um, okay, as if our different physiques weren’t visual enough. Mine is not to question why. Mine is but to do or get spanked! lol

My self-consciousness over this started when I was bare and Kayla was bushy. It started to feel to me like I was putting out the perception that I was trying too hard to do what the young folks do.

And it wasn’t just my mind comparing myself to Kayla. When we are at T & E’s farm, I am often the only one bare down there. At times the 17-year old has been bare, but it messes with my mind either way. When she is bare, I feel like I am trying to “style” myself after the teenager. When she doesn’t, it compounds my self-consciousness that I am the odd one.

NIFTY 50
Part of what was going through my mind is that I am going to be 50 later this year. I also think my tattoo added another wrinkle to a weakened psyche. Not to say a 50-year old can’t rock a new tat along with her nipple piercings and bare pussy. . . but THIS 50-year old? Why do I want piercings drawing more attention to my vein-marbled-droopy-boobies along with looking like I am trying really hard to “compete” with Kayla?

Adding to what was influencing my emotions — I am only around naked women who are younger than me, and sometimes much younger. Kayla is the 24-year old with the awesome figure, yet no nipple piercings. (She did pierce her nipples and clit shortly after moving in with us, but let them close-up only after a few months).

Again, I get it. I know there is nothing wrong with anyone of any age piercing whatever they want to pierce, or having their pubic hair in whatever shape or length that they want, or getting a new tattoo at any age. It was just for me, all this added up to something my psyche wasn’t comfortable with it.

THE GUYS?
For whatever reason, the pube situation in the men and boys has no influence over my uneasiness. If you are keeping score, you can mark down Mike as one who goes back and forth with his look. Frankly, he would probably leave it grown out but Kayla enjoys shaving him and he never refuses when she asks. And as for other menfolk, it’s a mixed bag of various looks from bare to full to all things in-between.

MIKE’S SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS
In discussing this with Mike, he shared that he also was starting to feel a bit self-conscious about the pube thing, but with Kayla. He said the first time we were around others and Kayla was bare and I wasn’t, he started to think others might be inclined to think he wants Kayla to look like a little girl. Like, it isn’t enough that she is so much younger than him, and is very youthful in her physique, but she makes herself look more like a little girl. Wow, that never crossed my mind, but once he said it, I too had a hard time getting it out of my mind.

REFLECTION
We both know that the chances are good these thoughts are only in our mind and not what others are thinking. And even if they aren’t thinking such things, so what? Right? Well, again, you can’t rationalize away some thoughts.

It would be different for us if the “others” we are talking about were strangers at a nudist beach or kink-friends involved in TTWD. But we are a family of nudists in a growing family of nudists. I think that’s why, in this particular situation, I am more sensitive to thinking about what others might be thinking.

I don’t mind people thinking odd or ill thoughts of me regarding our relationship with Kayla or any aspect of TTWD that they may be privy too. If they don’t like it, well, too bad. But, it bothers me to think that others may believe that I feel I am in competition with Kayla, and it bothers Mike to think others may believe he is into little girls. To be clear, no one has ever indicated or implied any such things. These are just things in our minds, but they are powerful enough that we have addressed them.

And don’t think I am some fragile self-conscious timid and insecure person. I am not. But when it comes to my nipple piercings and my bare pubic area — well, guilty!

I remain committed to sporting whatever type of pubic hair, or lack thereof, that Mike wishes, and will pierce whatever part of my body he wants me to pierce. But for now, he has allowed me to remove the piercings. And he had Kayla shave so that both she and I were bare together, and then we both have been growing it in for about a month now.

I sense at some point I will look back at this and not relate to feeling self-conscious and find my feelings silly. But frankly, it is not up to me anyway. I will share with Mike whatever it is I am felling at whatever time he may ask about it, and will abide by his demands. I just hope he doesn’t ask for a bejeweled butterfly a la the image I used on this post! Then again, maybe I can usher in a new trend for the newly 50-somethings!