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Sunday, June 30, 2013

I wake to feel His hands rubbing the soft, completely relaxed flesh if my round ass.

The caresses and squeezes gently.
Then light spanks, lifting me from the fog of dreams.

My hips arch up, of their own volition.
I breath deep and moan.

He stops, my eyes still closed.
I relax back into the bed and smile.

SPANK Leather kisses my skin

Startled, as I was dozing back off,
His belt has made His mark. SPANK

OWH, OHHh, I squirm.
He's never so attentive when he's dressing for work. SPANK

As quickly as it started, it's over.
I hear his belt,
the one going to be with him all day,
The one which has just lain across my flesh,
Going through his belt loops and into position.

He's dressed for work.
I'm mostly naked, face down and exposed.

He pulls the covers over me.
He whispers in my ear,
"When you get up, put the plug in.
Take my dry cleaning and get a decaf for yourself.
Later, when if suits you, masturbate and report when your done. "

Friday, June 28, 2013

You see, the conversation matters to me. I have found friendship on the web. I have found answers from other bloggers, both prior to me blogging and after. I have asked such mundane questions as..."what have you found to be the best method of bikini hair removal" to kinky questions like... "what's the best toy for ______" to lifestyle questions like... "how do you prepare your body for ______". I have learned and grown as a person, as a submissive and as a wife because of the give and take of blogland. So please, feel free to join in my conversation! I will always try to answer questions and comments.

So that is the thing. I wanted to say thank you to all those who read. THANK YOUI wanted to say thank you to those who have shared their lives and insights with me through blogs and emails. I've enjoyed the shared experience. I have learned a great deal and found affirmation along the way.THANK YOUI wanted to say a HUGE thank you to those who have taken the time to comment along the way. That has been the biggest plus in blogging for me. It's a relationship. It's a conversation. I know when I made my first comment, I himmed-and-hawwed for forever...it was such a huge deal. It was a huge plunge to comment. For those who have commented here...THANK YOUI will ALWAYS endeavor to respond and if for some strange chance I don't, it's because of an oversight. I intend to respond to ALL comments as long as I am blogging.
Blogging and blog reading has been a grand experience for me, one I hope to continue for a long time to come(we'll see...this blog has been up for just shy of 10 months and that is 9 months longer than I have EVER journaled or written before!!!)

Sunday, June 23, 2013

I have just been off. Like I lamented in my last post, we've been ships passing in the night. If that wasn't enough, when we've been together in the recent past, he's been working insanely, we've had house guests, it's been busy and stressful. So, I'm off.

I was chatting with Sir on the phone last night and said, "I'm turned off." Not missing a beat or my meaning, which is impressive because it was a complete non sequitur in our conversation, he said, "sexually?"

So, I started to explain and he said he understood. We completed our conversation about the rest of our day at home and his where he was. I said good night and that I loved him and he did the same. Then he added, "fiona, I'm going to take care of that, by the way, you and being turned off. Don't worry."
So this morning he's flying home. We spoke before he left for the airport. He asked how I slept and I did the same. We talked about my plans for the day, then he added, "I want you to wear sexy panties today. I'll check when I get home. Do you understand?"

I replied very nonchalantly, "ya."
The tone of his voice dropped and he repeated his question, sounding oh so DOM.

"Do. You. Understand?"

My stomach immediately had butterflies.
It's the first I've felt them in a while.
They were restless.
No - they weren't restless, they were on fucking amphetamines.

They started down in my belly and flew upward.

They were so strong, I couldn't breath. I couldn't reply.

He asked once more, with more of a sound of impatience in his voice.

He was clear.

I whispered, as that was all I could manage, "Yes, Sir."Oh, God I love those butterflies!

Friday, June 21, 2013

So, Sir and I typically have a phenomenal relationship. We have been a couple for a very long time. We fought like cats and dogs when we first started our relationship. Our passions burned very hot. As we got passed the first four or five years, we continued to be passionate, but fought significantly less.

Well, I was traveling this past week and Sir traveling this. He's had many trips for his work recently and his work load has been exhaustive. We've had house guests and activities for our kids. School's out here and yet, it seems like Sir and I have had little time to just talk.

We've had little sexual contact in the week and a half to two. I know this isn't a long time, given that many don't have sex but once a month or two. But...for us, it's been disconnecting. Our exhaustion, both physically and mentally has taken its toll along with a serious lack of time to talk.

So last night at 1am (I was always told, nothing good happened after midnight) after we have both been working and we're exhausted, we came to bed. I had told him for the past two days, that I wanted to have an orgasm so badly. We'd had quick sex when I came home late from being out of town the night before, but I had woken him up out of a dead sleep to do so. He was leaving this morning, so last night was our only chance. I was grumpy because of the quantity of work that had to be done and the lateness of the hour. When Sir came to bed, I was laying on my side and he came up behind me. He kissed my neck and ear and mouth. He played with my nipples and I was breathing hard. I was becoming so wanton. I was pushing him and taking charge. He stopped, pulled me over and looked down into my eyes. "Whose in charge, fiona?" he asked me. "I am." I replied flatly. "WHOSE IN CHARGE, FIONA?" he asked again in a firm tone. "I AM!" I replied. "You have to be here to be in charge."

Now, I KNOW that's not fair. It's not fair to him or to us. It was hurtful and inappropriate.

He rolled over and said, "Fine, then I'm done. I was being dominant, I was trying. If you're not submitting to me, then I'm done." With that, he went to sleep. Now I know he didn't mean that he's done with me as his wife. But I was scared that he was done with me as his submissive. I worried that I broke us as Dom and sub.

I was heartbroken.

*********************************************

This morning, when he left, he kissed me and told me he loved me. He's been very solicitous today on his journey. I'm appreciative. I know we said things that we shouldn't while exhausted. I'm sad. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm sure we'll be just fine. But I hate saying things at times when we shouldn't. I'll have to wait until his return to reconcile fully and reconnect. I am sure we will. But for now, I regret what I said.

**************UPDATE******************
I sent him an email with this post, because he doesn't read my blog.
He texted me:

"I read the email. I will never be through with you. I love you and look forward to reconciling when I'm home. You will always be MLB"

We've talked. Once I'm in this place, it's hard for me to mentally snap out of it, but sleep helps and I need to pull up my big-girl-panties and stop with my pity-party-for-one.

Monday, June 17, 2013

abby from finally finding "me" wrote a post about "Why Push Limits?"The end of abby's post was a series of questions: So, I would like to know, what do you all think....do you view pushing limits as a good thing...does it happen in your relationship?....So that made me think...In my reply I said that Sir and I have pushed each other from the moment we met decades ago. As Switches: For over two of those decades Sir and I were effectively switches, though never labeled or formalized it, we just were. We both pushed each other sexually. I was extraordinarily inexperienced but exceedingly adventurous. Sir was more experienced, but I was a quick study =) We pushed each other to soaring heights. We loved sex, we loved bondage, we loved force and crops and floggers and spankings and anal play and hand cuffs and ... and ... and fantasy. But we started small and pushed each others limits to get there.As Husband and Wife: We push each other to be better, to think more, to be happy, to love each other, to find contentment. We push our limits and hold each other as we face the demons of our pasts. We push each other to be good parents. We push each other to remain connected as a married couple through the exhaustion and exhilaration of child rearing because one day soon, they will grown and we will live with each other alone again.As D-Sir and s-me: So y'all know Sir and I solidified more consistent roles a while ago (1 year 9 months ago - but whose counting?) As such, Sir most assuredly keeps pushing me sexually. I find it hard to believe that I have limits that yet can be pushed. Like I said, I'm seriously adventurous most of the time. Interestingly, as I thought about it, even as a sub, I believe I push him as well. I push him to embrace his sadism, as he was never extraordinarily sadistic and certainly it was periodic and not a long term feeling for him. I push him to explore his dominance. I push him to voice his fantasies and accept them. I push us as well. I push our D/s relationship and he pushes back. I think that's how we maintain - or try to maintain our balance. We grow, our limits expandedOur tree trunks and branches grown togetherBut growing in exquisite balance.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

She had gone to OK Cupid and taken the Submissive Type Test. I thought it was interesting and wanted to do the same. So...here I go.

The results are listed below. It says I'm a "Submitter" - well NO SHIT SHERLOCK. OK, well that was a bit cheeky, but really? Interestingly, when I did this test earlier, I was a "Kinky Submissive" But I can't remember what was different. Anyway. It was interesting to do the test and see what their analysis was.

I find it interesting that it says that I don't have a special need for my Dom to enjoy himself. I sincerely hope that is not the case. I mean, really? I don't think that is AT ALL the case. I asked Sir to read paragraph so far and type his answer... he says..."Any relationship is a two way street. There is always give and take, and she gives me pleasure in so many ways" (I'm beaming right now, by the way. I'm sucking him into my blog :) hehehe)
OK, well so...here's the thing. I DO want to please him. His pleasure matters to me. BUT - I'm NOT selfless. I want to orgasm. I want to be spanked. I want pleasure. I NEED it! I do! I hope - I pray I find the right balance. I think we mostly find the right balance. But there is a balance. As Sir says, it's a two way street and we both cross the street on occasion.

---------------------------------------------------------

Submitter

You're the submitter, what you crave is the feeling of submission, to be in someone else's control, to feel used, you enjoy that feeling a lot you feel better when you're under someone's control, you can forget about your problems, and just be yourself.You don't have a special need for your Dom to enjoy himself although in every relationship you probably want your partner to enjoy his/her time. It's just that it's not more important to you then your own enjoyment. you'll enjoy scening or long term relationships, but you won't enjoy serving someone, unless he orders you around a lot while you do :)You can see by your scores of pain and humiliation whether you want those, from what i know most of your type will like either one of those a lot along with their submissive feeling, but of course the different types of submissives are many and I might be wrong, it might be just that feeling of relinquishing power to someone. Your Analysis(Vertical line = Average)

I tied my hands behind my back with another very long black silk scarf. (Oh yes, that was ridiculously hard to do...go try it...seriously!)I wait for the hedonistic, sadistic, exquisite pleasure that will cum.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Spanky issued a CWS Challenge for June to write a post on the topic "Why you should consider worshiping your husband's cock." I'll cross post my answer on CWS Blog.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hmmmmmm.Well my first response is why not? There are of course, many reasons as to why not for many people. Some are valid. Some are because we're scared to try. Some are because of things we've heard. Some are because of "should have" tapes running through our heads. You have to find what is right for you. For Me:OK, so when I first started giving blow jobs to my Sir, I was really new at the whole thing. I initially thought it was great except that ending part....eeewwwww. I can't remember the first time I swallowed, but I do remember thinking it was disgusting. I remember a friend at the time saying that she loved swallowing. I simply thought she was nuts.So in total honesty, I swallow some of the time and he pulls out and cums in or on me some of the time, I spit it out some of the time (REALLY DISCRETELY- but he knows). It depends. I don't hate it like I did in the beginning. Sometimes the taste is better than others. There are tips and tricks I've learned if I want to swallow and I actually enjoy it now. I've come a long, looooong way. Why do I do it?I love how he responds to a blow job. I love the sounds he makes. They are unique to having my lips wrapped around his cock. That look, that sound, that feeling he gives off is not recreated when we fuck, when I masturbate him or he does himself. It is a feeling of peace combined with pleasure which is unique to the gift of my lips around his cock. I love that. I love giving him that feeling. It is precious to me. Not only that, but he expresses a difference sense of gratitude when I pleasure him in this way. It is special and meaningful to me. It is one of those self-sacrifices...so to speak, because he isn't doing something to me, he isn't pleasuring me physically, he is simply being given pleasure and I get to give him that gift.Selfishly, as Sir will point out, I have an oral fixation and adore having his cock to suck on. Now, I do love to suck! Ohmygod, I'll suck on his finger, on the penis gag, on many, many things. BUT his long, thick cock is so satisfying. It is calming and intoxicating and exciting all at the same time. I can work myself into a frenzy while sucking on him, or simply lay my cheek to his thigh and go to sleep with a cock pacifier. It is something that is truly a gift to have in my mouth. That's his gift to me :)So for me, I choose to worship my Sir's cock, because we both seriously LOVE the act. We are both fulfilled...and DAYAM, it feels good!

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Memes...go around and around. I love them - reading and doing them.This one I got from Hermione.So I asked Sir if he would be willing to answer the questions on the meme...for fun. He said, sure...so the Sir's answers in blue are his direct quotes...interestingly I don't think I agree with all of his answers...but they are his and we'll let that be that. My answers are in pinkish.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?I need to shaveHow does my hair do that?2. How much cash do you have on you?Zero Dollars

Nine Dollars

3. What's a word that rhymes with 'Door'?MoreWhore4. Favourite planet?EarthPluto (I'm not giving up on it)5. Do you own more than 100 CDs?YesYes6. Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the junk from the bottom of the bag?YaUm...always?7. What kind of top are you wearing?OxfordBlue cotton8. Do you label yourself?Not reallyFrequently9. Name the brand of shoes you are currently wearing?Shoeless Joe Jackson (as he wiggles his toes)None....I love being barefoot10. Bright or dark room?BrightSoft light11. Have you ever been pooped on from the sky?No - had that conversation once today already.Ya, sadly.12. What does your watch look like?SilverI don't wear watches...haven't since I was 2113. What were you doing at midnight last night?Laying in bedLaying in bed with my love14. Have you ever done anything you could be arrested for?YesYes15. Have you ever dated someone a decade older than you?NoNo16. Have you ever listened to a song and cried?I don't think so.Yes, though I am NOT a crier.17. Who last told you he/she loved you?My wifeMy husband...and before that my children18. What was the last furry thing you touched?My wifeMy dog (I'm not going to be so cruel)19. How many drugs have you done in the past three days?ZeroCaffeine count?20. Favourite age you have been so far?4314, 18, 21, 22, 24, 27, 30, 33, 40, 4121. Have you ever had a secret crush on a teacher?YesYes22. What was the last thing you said to someone?YesWow.23. Have you ever been found sleep walking?NoYes24. The last song you listened to?Fun, "We Are Young"Stay by Rihanna25. What's your favourite number?44Just A Little Waltz played by my child26. Where did you live in 1987?West of hereSame metro area as Sir27. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?Shake them.

Put in more money

28. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?YesDepends29. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?LatinJust one? German, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, Russian...30. What was the last song you sang?Fun, "We Are Young"Stay by Rihanna31. Have you ever seen a ghost?

No

Maybe32. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone and mailed it?a letter (incredulously)...oh fuck...1980'sToday33. Can you change the oil on a car?

Ya

Yes - had to be able to do that before I was allowed to own one.34. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

15 generations

1500/1600's35. When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in and then start the water?

pfft...start the water and get in.

ALWAYS start the water...seriously - I'm a masochist, but HELLSNO.36. Have you ever crashed a car?