My Parent’s Keeper!

This week’s topic hits close to home for me…for others, right smack in the middle of their living room!

Are you…were you…or are you planning on being your “Mother’s/Father’s keeper?”

Well, if you are in our “Senior” age group, you may be taking on the responsibility of caring for your elderly parent in your own home. A loving and sacrificial task, or burden, that you have decided to take on. For this, you should be commended.

My mother, who is 92 years old, lives with my sister and brother-in-law and has done so for the last 15 or so years! God bless them for this as I could not have done so. I believe that 15 years ago, when mom was in her late 70’s, living with her was not the same situation that it has become today. She was self-sufficient and the only reason that she moved in with my sister was that the rent on her apartment was no longer affordable.

But again, that was 15 years ago. Today, the medical calamities are almost an everyday happening. The doctor visits are constant and the head knocking between her and my sister are a daily routine. This, of course, is taking a mental toll on both of them!

Forgetfulness, hearing loss, a generation gap, fear of being alone yet, wanting to be left alone, all contribute to this domestic chaos.

Each one complains about the other when not in their company!

This is not mentioning what my brother-in-law is having to live through!

Having a parent living with you in this time of their lives puts everyone in the household in an unenviable position. Lives and marriages are vulnerable! Patience is definitely, a virtue!

So, to those of you who have taken on this task, I do not envy you but, do admire you! To those who have done so in the past, as I know a few whose parent has since passed away, even in your grief, you may have regained your own life back! Be proud of yourself for what you did! And for those who are considering it, please consult with someone who has been in your position before making your final decision.

I know that commercial “assisted living” or “nursing” homes are expensive and there might not be another choice but, if there is, research, soul searching and serious considerations are tasks to be done before your decision is made.

Although she may not read this, a big “Thank You” to my sister and brother-in-law for their compassion, love and sacrifice. And, to you the parent caregiver, although you may not be acknowledged by your parent, a well deserved “Thank You” on their behalf!

Take care and hope to see you next time at “The Over 50 Corner.”

Again, I appreciate your comments and opinions on this blog. What do YOU think?

Fred

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Published by seniorlonghorn

Residing in Katy, Texas. Recently retired from a corporate aviation service company after 23 yrs of service. Have travelled all throughout Mexico, Central and South America. Bilingual in Spanish and English.
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8 thoughts on “My Parent’s Keeper!”

And Fred,I almost forgot: Be sure to give your parents caregiver as much time off as you can. If you’re from out of town, when you are there take your parents out and let your sibling have her home to her self. I happened to live in the same city so I would spend at least one day a week with my mother so that My sister could run her errands or just go in her bedroom to hideout for the time I was there! She says that helped her a lot !

Hello Ms. Mary! As she resides in Rockport, we try to give her a “break” whenever we can. I also have a brother that lives in Katy who also helps out whenever he can.
As you mention, it really gives my sister a time for relaxation and relief!
Thanx so much for your comments as they are greatly appreciated.

Your blog refreshed me today! I am my mother’s keeper and have been for over 10 years. I love the part where each complains about the other…so funny…so true. It is a special daily walk in patience, grace and humor. I personally would much rather spend my final years living in some group environment with more social events but my mother “La Reina” would have it no other way….and I am honored to keep her happy. Great topic. Thanks Fred!

Hello Ms. Carol! Thank you for taking the time in reading my blog and sending in your comment! I try to make the posting relevant to the “previous” generation and the world we face today!
In reference to your comment…it seems that every family has a “Reina” and sometimes they don’t let you forget it! I agree with you on the social involvement instead of not having it! My mom, agrees with yours which creates some discussion with my sister! Latina Moms! Thanx again!

Caring for a parent at home is a double edged sword. No commercial care facility will provide the care that you hope and pay for. They look pretty, but are understaffed and under paid. You spend as much time worrying about things when you are not there as you would with a parent living at home. However, home care is difficult. One always regrets the many times patience is lost. This is offset by the thanks given for even the smallest things. Watching loved ones slowly grow weak is offset by process​ of extended grieving…a way to slowly accept that end of life is near and it is much easier to accept when that day arrives. Being in a home setting when that final moment arrives is, I believe, the best way to go for everyone.

Mr. Dan. Thank you so much for your readership and comment to my blog! You are so correct in your description of caring for a parent at home. I just don’t know if it is easier to accept the passing of a loved one with whom you have shared your home for an extended time or not. But,on this, I will definitely take your word on it! Thanx again for your contribution to my blog!

My brother & family moved in with our parents several years ago due to financial issues. They therefore became caregivers for them when my dad was diagnosed with cancer & my mom with Alzheimer’s. Mom eventually had to go to a nursing home when she became unmanageable at home. This was very hard on my dad & he was actually being cared for in another area of that home – between trips to the hospital – when he died two years ago. He’d hoped to be able to share a room with her. Mom is 86 & knows no one. My brother & family visit her often. They are now paying rent to be allowed to stay in the house since they went thru everyone’s inheritance over the years. Property belonging to my parents is being sold to be able to pay for Mom’s care. I don’t care about the inheritance as long as Mom is cared for & they visit her often. I need to go see Mom, whether she knows me or not. But I don’t know when since I’ll be having hip replacement surgery in a few weeks. I miss both my parents so much! Ed & I were so glad to get to visit with Ti Ti Cucchi when she was with Ralph & Vicki in Tenn the last time we were there. We love that lady!

Hello Ms. Shirley! Thanx again for contributing to the blog as it is greatly appreciated! First of all, I pray that all will go well with your upcoming surgery! As you say, an elderly parent, whether healthy or not, with full mental capacities or not are still our parents. Although, your family is keeping an eye on your mother, I am sure that you will be able to visit her as soon as you are up to it! Now, you will have to concentrate on your recovery and endure the pain and anguish that your rehab will so graciously provide! The faster you are back on your feet, the sooner that trip will be. Good luck and thanx again for your comments!
Fred