Sunday, May 11, 2008

Living The American Dream

You're damn well right that those who are losing complain loudest. They wouldn't be complaining if they weren't losing out. When we were growing up the "Social Contract" we were given promised us comfort, family and emotional fulfillment so long as we didn't get pregnant, did our homework and kept mommy and daddies good name out of the police blotter. In exchange for sitting still when the most boring people in the world yoked us to staggering student loans we expect nothing less than the beach house free pot and sexy college party that leads to a center entrance colonial no more than a 10 minute drive to the commuter rail. You know, the same social contract our hippy parents enjoyed.

In contract law there is a term - unconscionability - which means that a contract one sided or unfair to one party cannot be entered into. When consideration is lacking or inadequate the contract is considered unenforceable. Now unfairness alone isn't enough to break the contract unless one party to the contract exerted undue influence or advantage.

Quick show of hands, who here told their parents to fuck off and refused to join polite society? I didn't think so. Even I don't have the nads to tell mom and dad to go chew while I quit my job thus freeing up my schedule so I can drink beer and play with Legos all day.

We all signed the social contract. Some of us signed up sooner than others but we've all sold out. I just wish I was allowed to see the fine print before that Monteblanc was shoved into my hand. It doesn't matter much to me now though. It's pretty clear that the Boomers are going to default on their obligation to Generation X in favor of giving their Echo crotch fruit a plasma screen for the back of the drivers side headrest.

That's what will save us. Those Echo kids don't read anything carefully and they don't do anything without texting 3 other people to make sure it's socially OK for them to do whatever it is you're asking them to do and then they have to text them back to find out how to use the pointy end of the ruler.

Ruprekt, Don't take the cork off the fork.

Since they're the ones who got chauffeured to school in the back of moms Range Rover they're the ones who should go and fetch the Depends when their helicopter parents finally crash. After all, they're the ones who are going to inherit everything no matter what their older Gen X siblings do.

They won't fetch anything for their parents though. They'll be busy trying to figure out why their Gen X coworkers get things done by themselves when it takes them and their 4 friends all day to start working on that team project. Don't even ask them to swing a hammer, one kid will hold the nail, one will swing the hammer and one will watch the hammer drive the top of that first kids thumb into the wall. This will happen just before the kid who was trying to read the directions realized that the roundish flat thing not the claw end is supposed to hit the nail.

So remember that. Can't get things done on their own. Will be your boss though because when mommy is done writing their college application essay daddy will install them as his replacement on the board of directors. Since they can't read written instructions to do anything and don't watch the YouTube instructions too carefully either they will be dependent on Gen X to care for their parents and run the skill saw.

As long as the fine print in their social contract lets me set the price I should be retired just after the last Baby Boomer dies. Hopefully the devil spawn that the Echo kids inflict on us will know how to use a wrench or nobody will be able to change the oil in their car. I knew oil would lead to the end of civilization.