Anger

A Natural Emotion That Often Accompanies a Diagnosis of Advanced Breast Cancer

When life does not go according
to our desires and
expectations, we frequently
react with anger. The anger that stems
from coping with a deadly disease can
be more intense than what people experience
in more ordinary circumstances
and can surface in unexpected ways at
surprising times. A terminal disease
naturally spawns a host of disappointments.
You may feel singled out from
others who have been cured of cancer
or who are in remission. You may be
upset that so many others appear to
be in good health and look to be long-lived.
The hand you have been dealt
could seem unfair, and you may ask,
“Why me?”

You may be mad, too, about the
troublesome and limiting side effects
caused by treatment and the cancer’s
progression. You may be irritated by
the time, trouble, and expense required
to take care of yourself and may become
exasperated in having to take many medications
and having to tolerate frequent
blood draws, scans, and appointments.
You may feel short-tempered around
others who do not understand, or seem
not to care about, what you are experiencing,
including loved ones and
healthcare providers. Perhaps, too,
you resent media reports proclaiming
that breast cancer is highly curable.

All this anger is human, reasonable, and should
not be denied.

Your anger may also be directed unfairly
at yourself. You may be infuriated
and remorseful believing that you caused
your own cancer. If you experience such
thoughts, keep in mind that others engaged
in, or did not engage in, the same
activities that you did, and they did not
all get cancer. Outside of rare instances
when people inherit a breast cancer gene
that carries a high probability of malfunctioning
and causing cancer early in
life, your cancer is the result of multiple
factors, including the natural aging process.
Furthermore, the body of scientific
studies has not conclusively shown that
breast cancer is linked to any particular
personality type, painful life event, or
emotional state. The worry that you
brought about your own demise is likely
ill founded, as is the notion that you
could cure your illness if you “straightened
out your act” or were not depressed.
Even if you did do something that
contributed to your plight, remember
that you were doing the best you could
at that time and would likely do things
differently if you could have seen into
the future.

All this anger is human, reasonable,
and should not be denied; rather it would
be helpful for it to be expressed when
possible in a manner that is not harmful
to you or others. Sometimes anger is
the result of not being proactive and
needing to assert oneself. If this is the
case, it may subside when you take more
control of decisions in your life, even
in small ways, like choosing when you
want to do something, or in big ways,
such as in deciding what you think is
best for your treatment rather than deferring
to others. You may understand
and better control outbursts if you write
about your anger in a journal. You can
possibly transform your fury through
creative endeavors such as drawing or
molding in clay a likeness of your anger
or in expressing it through dance
or movement. Depending on the situation,
you could discharge your anger
in a number of ways, from squeezing a
ball in your hand, to screaming or yelling,
to physically exerting yourself, such
as in ripping magazines or throwing
pillows around. The act of expressing
your feelings safely is what is most
important.

Anger can creep up or break loose
out of the blue. You may find yourself
furious over a trivial matter, or you
might burst out crying unexpectedly.
Be wary of displacing your anger onto
someone who is not to blame. People
experiencing great loss can find themselves
in the position of needing to
apologize for treating others unfairly.
Forgive yourself if this occurs since this
is not unusual and you are in unusual
circumstances. Anger can be like a storm
that passes and clears the air, but if you
find that yours is habitual and harmful,
try some of the activities above or talk
with a counselor.