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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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Chase Coffman

September 07, 2010

The Bengals chose Quan in the end. If the choice was fake limited to keeping either Quan or Briscoe, I agree with the Bengals move. But as discussed, the choice could just as easily have been Quan, Briscoe and Simpson: keep two. Or Quan, Briscoe and Dan Coats: keep two. Speaking of:

Dan Coats

If Brat ever targets Coats with a pass I will kill him. We are told Coats was kept around for his excellent blocking skills. Ok - but that just cost us Briscoe, Coffman (though he cleared waivers. hooray. i guess.) or some other dude I'm not aware of. I remind you, again, that Football Outsiders called Dan Coats not just the worst TE but the worst football player in the NFL. I'd rather keep a flyer on a guy with upside than the worst player in the NFL.

While we're here...having Carson Jr as backup works for me. Sure some teams find real backups where all hope will not be lost in the absence of their starter. That is rare and lucky. In general, if a backup can step up and fill in with little drop off for your starting QB either a) he's too good to be a back up or b) your starter fucking blows. The Bengals cannot win a superbowl without Carson at the helm. And we can all agree Tom Brady is not on our bench and we will never find a backup like that so who really cares that much? Any backup who doesn't cause your team to atrophy when playing with him will do. Carson Jr meets that criteria. On the QB front:

Dan Lefevour

Was he the Tim Tebow of the MAC or was Tebow the Lefevour of the SEC? An impossible debate to settle. Lefevour, to my very limited mind, bears all the characteristics of a guy who the NFL will structurally overlook because personnel guys in the front office won't risk their jobs giving him a real shot. I think we can all agree no one really has any fucking idea why QBs succeed or fail so I love the optionality the Bengals get with a guy like Lefevour.

Of course, we already have our franchise QB and he still has many years left and in the meantime Lefevour takes up a roster spot. Dan is a better project for another team. By the time we really do need to deal with a replacement for Carson other equally interesting opportunities should present themselves. And you can count on the Bengals not to find those opportunities.

Reggie Nelson

Sure, why not? Mike Zimmer seems to be able to coax first round talent into actually playing like they have it.

TJ Houshmandzadeh

Like the overwhelming majority of renters, I sign year to year leases for whatever apartment I currently live in. Rent inevitably creeps up each year, sometimes by much more than simple inflation would dictate. If I like my apartment, I am very much inclined to just accept rent raises, even if they seem a little bit excessive given the overall market. Why do my landlords do this? I think because they know that apartment is more valuable to me than anyone else. I have my shit there. I don't want to deal with the pain of moving. I am familiar with it and the neighborhood. I fear change. Most people would probably pay less to move into my place than I would stay there.

TJ is like that for the Bengals. More valuable to us than anyone else. For many reasons similar to why my apt is more valuable to me than anyone else: familiarity and rapport. However, unlike my apt, there is another reason...if TJ is not on our team that means he might play against us. My old apt will not come find me at my new apt if I leave it and fuck with my furniture or smash my tv.

So given that TJ could sign for cheap as Seattle must pay him this year anyway, it's pretty annoying to see him with the Ravens instead of safely nestled on our roster (and finally I get that 3 number 1 WR juggernaut!). HOWEVER, given Chad & TO's age and the existence of other weapons of similar style that are younger (Caldwell, Shipley and Gresham) it seems a reunion on paper made more sense than in practice. I'm okay with not having TJ.

I am not okay with him on a despised rival, however. He was one of my favorite Bengals ever and now I must root against him. It sucks. It makes me sad. I hate it. Also, I really dislike this revisionist history bullshit where Bengals fans claim he was a malcontent, bad teammate and shitty person. I see this commentary creeping into mainstream thought. I hope you choke and die if you actually believe that. TJ was a fucking Bengals hero and always will be one.

I think other contenders in need of a WR will regret not making a run for him harder than the Ravens did.

October 20, 2009

Hey there WDR readers, I haven't been writing much recently, did you miss me? No? WELL I WASN'T ASKING YOU ANYWAYS.

Now that we have that out of the way, here are my quick thoughts on the current state of Bengaldom (Hobson, Bengals.com) through the first 6 weeks of the season.

The "Real Fans" Argument: People come on this site all the time and claim that the writers and comrades of the Revolution aren't "real fans" because we want the Bengals to change their management decision-making personnel and process. Then there are others who are angry that the team magically seems to have more "fans" whenever the team does well. To them I say, relax. We are talking about sports here. This is not 'Nam. Sports are a distraction from real life, something to enjoy. People enjoy supporting a winner. That is why WDR exists - to try and force the Bengals to change how they do things so the team wins more often. Let's take out the personal attacks and agree that we all want the same thing - for the Bengals to win football games.

The "4-2 Record Means the Revolution is Over" Argument: The NFL is designed to promote parity - every team is hypothetically doing everything they can to get an edge. The league is absurdly competitive. Take a look at the Titans - from 13-3 last year to an embarrassingly putrid 0-6 this year. The margin of error that results in wins and losses is razor thin. To win, teams need to do everything they can to get an edge. Is WDR pleased that the Bengals are 4-2? Yes, yes and yes. But could the Bengals be doing more to ensure that these wins continue, perhaps (GASP!) into the playoffs? YES.

I don't think consistency is the word you're looking for there. The ability to not suck? That works better.

but they aren’t ready to exile Dan Coats or J.P Foschi or activate third-rounder Chase Coffmaneven though he’s been good enough in practice that head coach Marvin Lewis is calling him all-Hamilton County.

I think Marvin's making fun of our fair county, because if Coffman can't get time with these two buffoons ahead of him, then all-Hamilton County must not mean much. Or it means Coffman could absolutely walk on at Elder and start right away.

September 08, 2009

This Letter to the Editor was scrawled on a Hooters bib with what seems to be a mixture of buffalo sauce and under boob sweat.

WhoDeyRev,

I was on the fence about the Bengals before cut day, but now that everything has shaken out I have to say that the Bengals could potentially be a super bowl contender. The potential I see in them is based mostly on the broad, gritty, smart shoulders of Brian Leonard and Chase Coffman. The Bengals obviously have seen that the future of professional football is in players like them. You don't win titles with speed or athleticism or brute strength. You win with guts and mettle and the cunning to be deceptively slow. This reminds me of a story I was telling my youngest chinlet the other day while we were driving home from the bar. If the Bears hadn't lost Brian Piccolo they would have won at least three super bowls a year for his whole career. Anyway, if the Bengals can get 500-600 carries and 1500 yards from Leonard this year they'll win every game by at least 50 points. Other teams will end up forfeiting due to lack of toughness. And as for Chase Coffman, I know he's an untested rookie and all, but I think if they can get one on one coverage for him on the outside, and the pocket holds up long enough for him to stump his defender with a complex riddle, and the the safety doesn't slowly amble over to pick him up in time, there could be some 15 yard chunks to be had. I guess all I'm really saying is that the Bengals need to embrace the future of the sport and just let their new stars shine. And Tom Nelson should play both ways.

August 12, 2009

I haven't kept my disapproval of Bob Bratkowski's performance hidden.
He should not be the Bengal's offensive coordinator after a dismal 2008
playcalling season but, nevertheless, he is.

Word is that Bratkowski, with the help of Carson Palmer, plans to run the football more
this upcoming season. Keeping in mind that I do support Brat changing
up his strategies, let's consider the new emphasis on the ground game.