things to not say post breakup

This is a handy series about what not to say when this happens, to someone you love, someone you care about, someone you vaguely like, an acquaintance, a stranger on the street, or your friendly neighbourhood hobo. In short, this is a series about what not to say to anyone.

I saw that coming.

The reason you should not say this should be obvious, but if it is not, voila, this is a handy guide. You see, post breakup, no one really cares about your psychic powers. If you could have said this before, perhaps during the relationship, then it would have been a bit more useful to the person, so that they could preempt said break. However, to say this as you are finding out about the event, just seems narcissistic instead of comforting, unless, of course, that was your goal.

Time will heal all wounds (also inappropriate for death and KCSE results).

This one is a doozy, because it is true, but again, not very helpful. When one of these events happen, it seems like the biggest thing happening at the time, and so saying that this will eventually pass is not only playing State The Obvious, Captain Obviouspants, but also pointing out that though time will pass and heal the wound, the wound is gaping NOW. What the person needs is a band aid, not a badly researched platitude. Yes?

They did seem kind of dogdy…

Refer to point 1, but also, refer to your brain before you dole this one out. Read the mood to check whether this is a vent type of setting or a bashing type of setting. If it isn’t a bashing one and the aggrieved has not initiated, then keep your insightful character deductions to yourself. Dodginess aside, the person you’re talking to was with the person, and probably still loves them because love is not a switch that can be turned off immediately, and probably won’t be interested in your opinions, because there’s a good chance they already knew. No one is, if they come after the fact, like a set of answers post the quiz. Because duh, you know the answer now. But did you in the exam room when they were needed? No.

This concludes the first part of the Don’t Be A Dick Breakup Series. Send in your questions and solutions here, and as always, think about what you say to a bleeding heart before you say it, or at least try. Or at least, shut up.