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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sometimes I wish there was a bucket next to me at all times. And I could stick my head in the bucket and automatically be in my "happy place", except for sadly I have no idea where that is. I can't say it's with my husband because he just rolls his eyes when he has to talk to me for more then 10 consecutive minutes and acts like its the worse thing on the planet. He acts like he can't wait until he is out of here! Like they can't get him a plane ticket fast enough half of the time so yeah no happy place there.. I would say it's with Diem but lets face it while she makes me extremely happy overall, what do you really think a toddler can do? Then we have my friends...umm yeah A.) They are either married to men that love them dearly and I just want to cry because I would kill for my husband to show me the TLC theirs do. Of course if you were to ask him, he is Romeo and he does...lol. or B) They are strong women that have it all together and well ....I'm me, and I wouldn't wish being me on my worst enemy.
All I want is to FEEL loved, wanted, special, needed, by somebody that isn't still in diapers, but whatever these things will never happen. I really think its because the attention is being given someplace else so my time is just what is left over. Maybe they want me to take mine elsewhere to? That way he won't have to care at all, not even a little bit? I don't have to be/want to be wined and dined....I just want to be cared about....and SHOWED it. I'm so beyond torn because I don't want my husband to go but at the same time I'm almost like ..why not, will he even really notice?
Then we have the PR, how can so many women lead these picture perfect lives? I just don't get it I guess.
I'm just so sick of being wrong, I would love for somebody..ie Josh mostly, to say: " You know what honey you have a point, and I do need to do better, I'm sorry and I will try". And really MEAN it for once.
Oh well I guess over the next however long I will just lead my hobbit type existence...or as close to it as possible. So bring on the bucket....

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I'm a 32y/o mom to a very active 2y/o and I'm married to the USN. I have been 911 dispatcher since '99 and I'm vol.firefighter although I don't get to do those nearly enough. I believe you should treat others how you wish to be treated, and you should never lie or back-stab...ever. If you can't read my blog w/o judging me please don't read it. Thank you!