Massage Envy to offer “Happy Endings”

Massage Envy, which has franchises across the United States, will be offering “Happy Endings” at some of their locations starting in 2011.

The $25 option will be called a “Therapeutic Release”, consistent with Massage Envy’s health philosophy. Due to legal restrictions, the new menu option will be only available in certain counties in Nevada where bordellos are currently legal. A spokesperson from Massage Envy is quick to point out that a Therapeutic Release is not prostitution. “Our massage therapists are professionals and have been training on each other in preparation for the introduction of the Therapeutic Release menu option. It will not only enhance the well being of our clients, but it will also add substantially to our bottom line. We estimate the Therapeutic Release will take between two and four minutes based on our testing. We plan to fine tune our technique to cut that time in half by the time we introduce the option in 2011.”

Massage Envy will be actively lobbying state licensing boards across the country to allow the Therapeutic Release option to be available at more locations.