Ball tapping - Our defense was sound. A bar so loud, they never heard us coming, and shields, we held our beer bottles below our belts. No reprisals would ever shake the glass walls in front of our balls so we went on

Ball tapping - None of us got laid that night. Someone actually tapped me. But the pain subsided and I downed my beer, I got him good. A low back-hand that would make even Monica Seles shout.

One day I'll meet a Leonardo DeCaprio or Mel Gibson. I won't ask for an autograph. I'll feign insouciance as I walk by. I'll tell my grand kids 'I saw so and so celebrity and they didn't hear it coming when I let my hand fly.