Life is a journey. The destination is death. This blog is all about the musings of a sojourner in her thirties, curious about the stops, the fellow passengers, the driver(s), the conditions of travel and the highlights and lowlights. All the while in a place of tranquility: the sanctuary.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

...And I am not ashamed to say it!

There is something odd going on...

Forgive me if I have just 'twigged' onto this phenomenon.
It is one of those things that creep up on you. Very slowly.

My attention was brought starkly onto this trend by a conversation I had with a relative stranger recently.
The content of the conversation is irrelevant as it happens.
But it refreshed my memory on the fact that I have never heard a man say 'I am (insert less than desired trait) and proud'.
At least not using these exact words.

This is God's honest truth.
I have never heard an unemployed man say 'I am unemployed and proud'.
Or 'I did somethind outrageous and I am not ashamed to say it'.
Never.
Which surprises me strangely.

But, it appears to be all the rage for women to say things like this.
'I am a b*tch and proud'.
It is even a popular 'Jerry Springer' type talkshow title.

Why is this?

It is not so much the behaviour that interests me as the 'buzz-word' that gets flung about in association with said behaviour.
I am interested as to the background of this relatively new sighting in the world of womanhood.
Since I live there, it is useful for me to know not just the regular neighbours, but also any visitors, welcome or not.

Where did this whole catchphrase come from?
Not every woman does this, of course.
In fact, I dare say, it is just a minority.
But this minority is highly vocal and ubiquitous, giving the distinct impression that this disposition is the fashion on planet Woman.
It is not. And it should not be.

Women are becoming more and more encouraged to promote certain bad behaviours in a way that seems to far supersede any such trend in men.
Is this a public relations move?
And who is pushing those buttons?
I ask this because I heard that in certain 'reality' TV shows, people are goaded into misbehaving in ways that are not typical for them purely to boost ratings. These 'guinea pigs' later regret having participated in a public self-humiliating exercise.

Quite how I got to waste a whole thirty minutes of my life on this programme, I'll never know, but I watched a documentary about British teenagers on holiday abroad...(note to self: big mistake - don't do this again).

The personalities featured were the 15-20 year old crowd. Gregarious bunch, nice kids.
But what I couldn't help noticing was that whilst the boys (mostly) appeared to be ashamed of some of the stuff they were getting up to (one boy even joked that he hoped his mother would not see the programme), most of the girls (except one) were intent on outdoing each other on who was the 'baddest'. In typical 'Jersey Shore' fashion, they were vying with each other to see who could rack up the most 'numbers', with particular emphasis on beating the boys at this game.
Fair enough, nothing wrong with a bit of 'competition', I rationalised.
Except that when it came to doing something relatively positive, somehow the competitive spirit seemd to disappear amongst the girls.
What's more, the phrase 'And I am not ashamed' seemed to crop up more often than was warranted.
It seems to me that this was the 'fix-all' phrase that these girls were using to exculpate themselves from self-introspection.
I am not saying the boys were angels. But at least they had the semblance of shame about them.
This was totally missing in most of the girls.

This is a striking and somewhat worrying trend among young women.
Because whatever we say to ourselves becomes our mantra.
Self-talk, I have noticed, is rather powerful.
If one exculpates oneself of something which does require correcting, one never arrives at the required self-correction phase. Because one's mind is derailed by the self-talk of the exculpation.

I have noticed that it is increasingly prevalent that a woman 'comes out' and declares that she had an affair with such and such a prominent (famous) man X years ago 'and she is not ashamed of it' disregarding completely the feelings of said man's wife, children and other associates (who cares about the man himself in this context - no sympathy from me).
What is interesting is that said man is usually suitably humble about his misdeeds - is this just a 'show' for the cameras, I wonder? What someone I know would call 'crocodile tears'?

"I am a (negative trait) and proud..."
Are these female words?
I doubt it. My grandmother and her friends never used those words except when they were referring to something actually positive.

These words were packaged, wrapped up and delivered to the modern woman by a beast by the name of ...you guessed it...feminism.
These words were dressed up as empowerment. Just like the whole sex-positive thing.

Thanks but no thanks.
Women today can do without that kind of empowerment.
Real empowerment is a good thing for women. There are lots of good women out there fighting for empowerment for other (less privileged) women in positive ways. Hijacking the word 'empowerment' is equivalent to muddying the waters these great women are working so hard to clean up. It is not fair on them.

Just last night, I found another example of this phenomenon. I wasn't even looking for corroboration of my previous observations, but these gems seem to come my way whether I like it or not.
Nadya Suleman is the woman who gave birth to octuplets in 2009, having previously had 6 children. Although not directly relevant to this post, her background might be of interest:
Married in 1996 at age 20, she first started IVF at age 21 (I don't know why, and am inclined to believe it was for a medical reason). Husband appears not to have been in agreement with the conceptions of the 6 children who resulted from this treatment, none of whom are biologically his. At the time of the birth of the octuplets, Ms Suleman was a single (divorced) Mum with 6 kids. The reason she gives for undergoing the treatment resulting in the octuplets is that she did not want the eggs from her previous 'harvest' to be destroyed. (Fair point, I believe in the sanctity of life too, even if we are talking about unfertilised eggs at this point).

But I digress.
Suleman recently posed nude for a women's magazine.
Yes I agree that the fourteen kids need to be fed somehow.
But I am sure there are other ways to feed a family.
Each to his own however.

What I find fascinating is those words again...right there at 1.28 in this video:
I have no particular opinions on her actions. Until I have 14 kids, I guess I cannot touch her decisions/actions.
I am however interested in those words...'I am not ashamed of it'. It's like this is the new script for the theatricals of woman-ville.

Women are being aided and abetted into self-destruction by this alternative view of 'empowerment'.
I discuss it here because it may be one of the strongest factors holding some women back.
Herd mentality at its worst.
The women who are enabling their friends in non-productive behaviours are doing them a disservice. It may be inadvertent, I don't know. But it sure ain't helping.

My grandmother's generation did not feel the need to be like this. And yet they were by all accounts very powerful women. What has gone wrong?

I honestly do not believe in shaming someone publicly. (But I accept that my opinion (if negative about them) would appear to do just that. That is however not the intent).
But I really admire those who do the self-shaming thing all by themselves. So I don't have to do it for them :-)

Is this abnormal?
Why do I appreciate introspection in someone else so much?
And why do I shirk from people who have zero introspection?
Is this part of the whole Red Pill/masculine woman mindset?
Or am I just a mea culpa junkie because I am Catholic?
I dunno.

If as a woman, you know within yourself that you are way too heavy for your own health, admit that to yourself and make plans to change things. For your health. No-one is saying you should beat yourself about the head with a stick. That is unproductive too.
But don't listen to your fat friends who want you to remain as fat as they are. Remember that sometimes 'the herd' is not your friend.

If as a woman, you would really like to be in a relationship with a good man but as yet, you haven't got there, don't jump on the 'single by choice and proud' bandwagon and make a loud noise about how you really love the single life.
It's called self-deception. It leads to cognitive dissonance.
I am not saying to get all depressed about it either. That would be unhelpful.
But develop a mindset that will help you get to what you really want.

If as a woman, you have any other not-so-positive-trait/event you yourself have had the insight to recognise as such, either accept it as such, or if at all possible, if you feel there is a chance it can be rectified, do that.
There is nothing empowering about rationalising something bad into something admirable. It does not work, at least not in the long run.

Having said all of the above, I would however be the first to declare that making the best of whatever situation one finds oneself in, is one of the best policies of life.
But this should not mean celebrating with forced vigour a negative and making it seem like it is a positive.
That's called 'false advertising'. It is disingenuous and is easily spotted by the discerning.

I do believe that the rationalisation hamster can be a good thing for women, despite what some Manosphere bloggers say.
Afterall, without it, a woman would never be able to 'turn a blind eye' to some of the atrocities that men commit that are quite unforgivable.
Oh yes, the 'rationalsation hamster' can be your friend, gentlemen :-) Don't knock it.
It is what can allow a woman to be a woman, forgiving, compassionate.

But this same rationalisation hamster should not be used by a woman to enable herself to wade in the mire of self-delusion in the false guise of 'empowerment'.

10 comments:

just visiting
said...

Modesty is seen as a lady like trait, which is seen as anti feminist. And weak. Quite a few women who would bristle at being called a lady. Being shameless and attention mongering is a quick easy way to get attention without actually having to back it up with anything. Sort of the female version of unreasonable confidence.

Yes, agreed. It is an attempt to 'fit in'.But somehow it comes across as brash and phony.

We need to lose this trait, as women. It is rather unattractive, I have decided.

I am trying to decide which is worse - a woman who is aware she is kidding herself when she says these words, or one who is actually unaware because she is so deplete of the required level of introspection.I shudder to think...

Yes, I don't understand why modern women are falling prey to this phenomenon.It cannot be a female trait per se, because older generations of women never did this.This has got to be one of the silliest sins of feminism.Getting validation by being bad or negative?I'd really rather not have the validation in that case.Some things are soooo low-hanging fruit, they really are NOT worth having. This kind of 'validation' would be one of those...