The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author’s choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

We’re going to mix it up this week and say there’s no limit to entries, but please, self-edit and only put up ones you genuinely think are funny!

1) I’ll keep stroking this bar until the guy across the hall kisses me!
2) I will get some dentures that fit!
3) I will find a level cell without a porthole!
4) I’ll get a lower plate for my dentures!
5) I’ll stop making fun of Bubba after he’s done back there, ow!

1: I WILL CHEW THROUGH THESE BARS IF IT TAKES ME THIS WHOLE COMIC STRIP!
2: JOHNSOOOOOOON!! I TOLD YOU TO MAKE THE SPACE BETWEEN THE BARS THINNER! THINNER! I COULD DRIVE A TRUCK THROUGH THIS GAP!
3: I’ll figure out this stepladder if it kills me!
4: I’ll become a Batman supervillain! Just you wait!
5: Don’t make me open my mouth any wider!

1). I won’t rest until I’ve escaped and replaced Alex Trebek!
2). So help me, Andy Dufresne, I’ll have a Morgan Freeman of my own!
3). The Prison Revue is going to love our performance of “The Full Monty”!

…and finally:
4). Never again will “Jailhouse Rock” be sung in these hallowed halls!

1)”Nom!Nom!Nom!”
2)”i swear, if you call me ‘Horse-mouth’ one more time i will bite myself! so there!”
3)”I SCREAM FOR ICE-CREEEEAM!!!”
4)”WHY…DO THESE FLIES…ALWAYS…GO FOR MY MOUTH?!!?!!!?!! pht!ptah!”
5)”Maeya-hee! Maeya-ho! Maeya-ha…”

6: I swear to change my name to Cesar Romero and play the Joker!
7: I promise I’ll never watch Mr. Sardonicus again!
8: From now on, I’ll beg for my food like a baby bird!
9: I’ll re-open my case and plead insanity! Better practice…
10: I WILL find that mule and swap our teeth back!
11: When I get out, I’ll get a first name other than 1649!

1. I’ll get you Batman! If it’s the last thing I do!!!!
2. If you don’t save me from the big black man, I swear I’ll tell him YOU dropped the soap!
3. THE HILLS ARE ALIIIVVVVEEE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUSIIICCC!!!!!
4. I swear I’ll get you, Tiny, for giving me more crack than I need!
5. Damn you, Howard Chaykin! I’ll get you for making my mouth bigger than my eyes!

4) I vow to be the best me I can be!
5) I vow to have these parentheses tatoos removed from my knuckles!
6) I vow to be the best Eliza Dolittle they’ve ever seen in this year’s production of “My Fair Lady”!

1)BRUSH YOUR CLEFT EVERYDAY!!!
2)I VOW TO NEVER AGAIN OPEN MY MOUTH MENACINGLY WHILE THINKING TO MYSELF!!!
3) YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE MY WRATH DENTINE WHITENING STRIPS!!!
4)IT’S MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW!!!

12: I’ll convince them I’m an Osmond Brother and escape!
13: I MUST get Pluto reinstated as a planet!
14: From now on, I vote the straight Tea Party ticket!
15: I’ll get my ear moved up to where it’s supposed to be!

6. I WILL WIN THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT! I WILL WIN THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT!
7. Damn you, Doc Buzzsaw! I’ll make you pay for not making my teeth look natural!
8. HERE COMES THE BRIDE, ALL DRESSED IN WHITE!
9. Damn you, Salazar! DAMN YOU, SALAZAR!!!!
10. A plague on you for messing up my hair!