I have thoughts. Also feelings.

31 weeks tomorrow!

I did a google image search trying to find a generic 30-week twin belly to use in this post, but you’d be surprised how many of them were scary shirt-up photos. I just can’t get behind that, so what you see here is my actual self.

Oy! Where has the time gone? I can’t believe I’ve reached that point where it wouldn’t be terribly surprising if the babies were to be born, like, right now. Well, I mean, given the state of my cervix (as seen on ultrasound yesterday) it would be a big surprise for me to suddenly go into labor. But it’s not uncommon for twins to be born in the early-30’s. My sister-in-law’s cousin just had twins at 30 weeks, and my other sister-in-law had her twins at 32. Another surrogate was just telling me about the twins she carried who were born at 33 weeks. BUT! Don’t worry. There is no sign that Urs and Ingmar’s babies are coming any time soon.

The twins weigh about 3 and a half pounds each, and my uterus is the size it would be with your typical 38-week singleton pregnancy. It was kind of gratifying to learn all of this yesterday. No wonder I feel huge and achy and tired! I’ve got seven pounds of baby in there and I’m about the same size as I was just a week or so before Dean was born. I haven’t gained as much weight as I did with him, though, and I still feel pretty good most of the time.

Urs and Ingmar were here for another visit this weekend. They found place to stay for the birth and attended the OB appointment yesterday. We did plenty of hanging out and shopping and eating and chatting. It was fun, and we had a few really sweet moments, like when they got to feel the babies (really just baby B, who is a little mover and shaker) kicking a bit. They also told me the names they have chosen for the babies. I’m obsessed with names, and if there’s been one majorly irrational regret I’ve had about surrogacy it’s this: I don’t get to name the babies. I love names! One of my favorite things about this blog, in fact, is that I get to choose new names for everyone in my life.

But I digress. Each of the babies will have five (FIVE!) given names in addition to Urs’ last name. (Since gay adoption is not legal in their home country, the babies will have Urs’ name. He’s their biological father. Ingmar, alas, will not have parental rights.) I guess having more than one middle name is fairly common in the country they’re from. Isn’t that awesome? It makes me wish I had given my own children more than a first and middle name.

Shoot! Digressing again. The names discussion was my favorite part of the weekend, because Urs and Ingmar revealed that they are giving my first name to their little daughter as one of her middle names. I am not a big crier (or at least not a happy-feelings crier) but I got pretty teary-eyed when they told me. Knox did, too. I am so touched that they would want to remember me in such a permanent way. I had no idea, and never would have expected such a meaningful, heartfelt gesture. I feel so blessed to be working with Urs and Ingmar: these sincere, loving, wonderful people. I could not ask for a better family to have babies for. I know these guys are going to make great parents.

Seeing them and getting to know them better has done wonders for my morale. I feel strong and ready to continue carrying little babies A and B for another month or more, and I really needed that mental/emotional pick-me-up. I tend to get cranky in the third trimester. It’s uncomfortable; I feel enormous, bulbous, obese. But Urs and Ingmar’s excitement and gratitude makes it all worth it. They make it easier to deal with things like:

The odd comments my neighbor makes about the surrogacy because he thinks I’m totally doing it for the money. Like when I mentioned that a house we looked at buying was out of our price range and he said “You just need to carry a few more sets of twins and then you’ll be able to buy it with cash!” WTF?? I gaped. That’s not the only comment from this guy. Not sure why he thinks I’m some kind of mercenary, but it really bothers me.

My own mixed feelings about Knox fb-sharing a beautiful photo that I love. It’s a picture of Urs and Ingmar both touching my belly, feeling the babies move. It’s a stunning picture, and a really great representation of surrogacy. But since a TON of people we are fb friends with do not (or did not) know I’m working with a gay couple, the photo being public does put me on edge a little. I’m nervous about exposing something I love so much to the hate and ignorance of people who don’t approve. To make things more complicated, the photo has gotten likes from some extremely conservative people in my ward, including the wife of a member of the stake presidency. WTF?

Uh, it seems weird to have only two bullets but now I can’t remember what the third one was supposed to be.

Ah, it feels good to take advantage of this space! I love being able to just pour out all my thoughts and feelings.