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How to Get Over the Fact That My Boyfriend Cheated

By Leah Campbell

Speak with a friend as you work through your hurt.

Successful romantic relationships require a certain level of trust, and when you truly care about the person you are with, you tend to give that trust without question. So, when your boyfriend betrays that trust by cheating on you, it can sometimes feel nearly impossible to move on. Whether you decide to stay together, you have to find a way to get over the hurt he has inflicted.

Start Talking

To recover from the pain of knowing your boyfriend cheated on you, you need to get those feelings of hurt and anger out, explains Christina Young, an author and relationship expert with YourTango. This doesn’t necessarily mean talking to your boyfriend right away, but it should involve talking to another person. Consider opening up to your parents, close friends, or a counselor as you attempt to acknowledge your feelings and work through them with someone who will remain compassionate and understanding about the hurt you have endured.

Expect Ups and Downs

While you may want to be able to snap your fingers and presto -- the hurt is over, the healing process will involve more hills and valleys than that, according to Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage and family therapist, cited on WebMD. Grant yourself permission to grieve -- even if that means pushing your hurt away one day and then falling apart the next. Healing is not a linear process. There will be times when you find yourself moving closer toward letting go, only to be moving backwards, moments later. This can be a normal trajectory toward healing and is not something you should beat yourself up about along the way.

Face the Truth

In order to begin moving on, you need to accept what has happened and confront the root cause of your heartache according to Young. It can be common for people to make excuses or try to pretend as though what has happened really wasn’t a very big deal, but when you push those feelings down, you may never be able to let them go. Force yourself to confront the truth of what has happened in your relationship, and if possible -- to discuss the details with your boyfriend openly as well. Let him know how much he has hurt you, and don’t shy away from your own pain when it comes to letting go.

Learn From the Past

As painful as it is knowing that your boyfriend cheated on you, allow yourself to work through this time honestly and openly, as this can help you become wiser and more self-aware, explains Ann Smith in the article, "The Blind Side: When The One You Love Cheats" on Psychology Today. Consider the reasons behind your boyfriend’s infidelity, and what kind of role you may have played. Even if it is simply that you didn’t see the signs in the beginning, use that as a lesson, moving forward -- either, as you continue your relationship with your boyfriend, or, as you move on with someone else.

References

About the Author

Living in Alaska, Leah Campbell has traveled the world and written extensively on topics relating to infertility, dating, adoption and parenting. She recently released her first book, and holds a psychology degree (with an emphasis in child development and abnormal child psychology) from San Diego State University.