Flashback - My Struggle, My Joy

January 23, 2013

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I have a beautiful family and I feel very blessed; but it took me a while to "get it together". Throughout my life it just seemed that nothing came easy. And this is not to say that I've had a hard life by any means, but I had a lot of opportunity to learn. Learn to be patient (still learning this), learn to be persistent, learn to love more, learn to let things go that I can't control, learn and learn and learn. I'm still learning, about myself, about life and I never plan to stop.

My whole life I wanted to be a mom. There was always a voice in the back of my head that said, "what if you can't get pregnant..?" Part of me always knew I would struggle to get pregnant and be a mom.

Yes, I, we struggled. I had 2 miscarriages which were beyond awful. If you know anyone who has been through one, yes, they happen often, but when it happens to YOU, it's painful and difficult. Don't offer the "it was for the best" or "it's natures way of not giving you a challenged baby". Just offer comfort and love.

After the miscarriages I went through stimulation drugs, shots, giving myself shots, my hubs giving me shots, it seemed endless and hopeless. After what seemed like forever, we decided to go for it and do IVF. By the time we had made this decision I was in robot mode. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. I experienced the ultimate feeling that God is in control and I have to accept it.

After the retrieval and transfer I prayed a lot and I had the feeling that both embryos they had transferred would take. The two weeks after the transfer before I could take a pregnancy test were torture. I used to day dream on the way to work about dancing one day with my little boy and little girl. My sister even named my embryos Mable and Abel! Finally the day came, and you know the ending, I was pregnant. On our 2nd anniversary we found out we were having 2 babies!

I've never wrote about this and it's hard to put into words the emotions, tears and heart ache we went through. Why am I sharing this? I hope my story might help someone else to know that they are not alone. If you're going through this you're not alone. If you know someone going through this, tell them they are not alone. Share this post because I would be happy to be their friend and pray with them.

So my struggle, is now my joy! Love to moms, moms-to-be, future moms and those who want to be moms.

Thank you for sharing such a difficult story! I wish that more women would share their stories so that those going through these sorts of struggles understand that they are not alone because it can be incredibly isolating. Your babies are absolutely goregous and I am so happy for this ending for you!

I'm so glad you shared this. I'm sure someone that reads this will be comforted to know that they are not alone;) WOW, being a mom is emotional, huh? I'm crying right now, just thinking of your struggles and knowing just how hard it is to have babies. What an absolute joy when they are here though, makes everything worth it!! xoAmywww.dreamingincashmere.com

I've been talking about my pregnancy on my blog since July/August, but I don't think I've shared our story.(Not online anyway.) It's similar. I think it's important to share these stories as fertility is not talked about much and in turn makes people feel badly or live in the sadness and challenge alone. You are so lucky to have two cute little ones come from your trials. Congrats on your beautiful twins! Thank you for sharing your story. We have one on the way that has come from IVF as well. We are so blessed.

Hi Lulu, I just found your blog via Lauren at from my grey desk! I don't know how exactly I found this particular post , but I was meant to read it. My husband are going through the same journey right now and I SO love reading success stories. Thank you for sharing your story- it gives me hope!

What a blessing! I had that same feeling that I always wanted to be a mom. I don't know that I would have had problems getting pregnant but I'm 38 and not married so I feel like that dream is kind of over.

It has been a struggle to be "ok" with that and find a new dream for my life. No matter what, I know my life is in God's hands and I trust Him.

thank you for sharing your story. I am praying to have a boy and a girl, and if I would be able to carry twins (I am short - 160 cm) I would be DELIGHTED.Also recovering from pregnancy body like you did would be AWSOME.I am 36 years old - please pray for me and this family I am asking God to give.

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