May 17, 2007

Notice of Compulsory Ilumination

THANK YOU FOR DEMONSTRATING your knowledge of the English language. By continuing to read this Notice, you hereby agree to be bound henceforth by the following terms and conditions:

1. You agree not to allow others to do your thinking for you. This includes making the assumption that the opinions expressed by newscasters, editors and pundits from media outlets large or small, "Conservative" or "Liberal," are your own opinions.

2. You agree that you will not necessarily want to buy something just because there is a commercial for it on TV.

3. You agree that advancement in life is not synonymous with a fattening bank account.

4. You agree that your beliefs are not inherently more valuable than other, even conflicting, beliefs held by other people. You agree that you have neither an obligation nor a license to decide what is best for others.

5. You agree not to obey laws simply because they are on the books, but rather to question the moral authority behind every legislative endeavor of any government. This point is inclusive of your responsibility not to wait for unjust laws to be repealed before violating them.

6. In order to slow down the Police State's advancement, you agree to provide every police officer you encounter with probable cause to search you and/or your vehicle or personal effects for contraband, so long as you do not actually have any materials in your possession for which you might be penalized. This makes the bastards fill out tons of paperwork for no reason and delays their (nevertheless inevitable) march toward totalitarianism.

7. Finally, you hereby deauthorize and denounce any notion you have until now espoused which furthers in your mind the idea that the State is your Protector, because it is, in all truth, the opposite.

Your compliance is not only requested, but is enforceable under this and other Agreements, regardless of whether you are aware of them or not, or whether you have already agreed or have yet to agree to them.