The "Childmyths" blog is a spin-off of Jean Mercer's book "Thinking Critically About Child Development: Examining Myths & Misunderstandings"(Sage, 2015; third edition). The blog focuses on parsing mistaken beliefs that can influence people's decisions about childrearing-- for example, beliefs about day care, about punishment, about child psychotherapies, and about adoption.
See also http://thestudyofnonsense.blogspot.com

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Thursday, May 25, 2017

When Children Wet or Soil Themselves

When people write in to this blog with queries (or
expostulations!) about children’s behavior problems, it’s frequent for them to
mention that their school-age children still wet themselves in the daytime or
urinate in strange places, and that some even defecate in their pants or in
some hidden place that is revealed only by the smell. Frustrated and angry, the
parents often feel that the children are doing these things intentionally as
hostile actions toward the adults (and often the parents think that such
hostile actions would be a sign of an attachment disorder—but I don’t want to
get into that today).

As it happens, a child clinical psychology listserv
that I participate in has recently been having a discussion about exactly this.
One member had written in to ask for suggestions about working with a
ten-year-old girl who was defecating in her pants. An interesting discussion
ensued, and I want to summarize some of what was said and elaborate on some of
the ideas.

A most useful point made by several people was that
many of the children with these behavioral elimination problems were never
completely toilet-trained in the first place, and the behavior of those
children is an indication of their lack of mastery rather than their hostile
intentions.

Consider what happens when a functional, “normal”
family toilet-trains a child. First, the fact is that the parents have been
communicating to the child for many months that there is something special
about elimination. It’s not like drooling or even like spitting up. There is an
emotional response to urine or feces, a strong motivation to clean them up and
get rid of them, that is communicated to the baby by attentive, engaged
parents. They sniff the baby or peek down her diaper to see what needs to be
done. When changing a dirty diaper, they pay attention to the diaper and not
the baby, complaining quietly if the baby kicks and gets her heel into the
mess. Caregivers talk to each other in front of the baby: “Did she poop?” “yes,
and what a smelly mess it was!”. If the baby is just wet, the diaper change is
much more relaxed and probably involves some smiling, talking, and playing. In
all these ways, a well-cared-for family baby is learning for a long time that
something about elimination is special and important, and that urine and feces
are different.

Well-functioning families also pay attention to
whether a baby seems ready to be trained, whether she seems to be aware of
bowel or bladder pressure, and whether she has the words to ask for help.
Caregivers “talk up” using the potty or toilet, with the reward of big-girl or
big-boy underwear held out for encouragement. Once the child has some success
in managing elimination, adults follow him around reminding him, asking if he
needs to go, paying attention to cues like dancing the “potty dance” or passing
gas that indicate elimination is about to happen. They give careful instruction
on the use of toilet paper, and may give boys paper “targets” floating in the
toilet to practice their aim. Toilet “accidents” may or may not be punished,
but certainly adults tend to respond to them with some degree of exasperation
once they think a child has mastered the basics and just needs to pay
attention.

These common and effective methods of toilet-training
only happen under certain circumstances: The child is being cared for by people
who have the time and energy and motivation to do the job. The child is being
cared for by people who know him or her well, understand the child’s language
or other communication, and are not completely distracted by other needs or
obligations. The caregivers are thus able to be consistent and to predict
elimination, so the child is helped to understand what events are likely to
follow certain internal sensations. After all, to be completely toilet-trained,
a person must be able to recognize internal cues and to understand the time
available to get to the toilet once certain sensations occur. A child is not
completely toilet-trained if he has to depend on others to tell him when to go.

As you can see, all this work by caregivers is not so
likely to happen if a child has been passed from foster home to foster home,
has been in the custody of an adult who uses drugs or alcohol or who is
physically or mentally ill or who lives in a frightening environment. Some
adults in these circumstances will focus on punishment following inappropriate
elimination as their main toilet-training strategy; this is not only emotionally
problematic but would be difficult to do effectively even by a skilled user of
aversive methods. In addition, caregivers who use punishment in this way often
do it inconsistently and out of irritation—even when a child defecates in a
recently clean diaper.

Although some children may become completely trained
under those conditions, others will not. Later in their lives, in school or in
an adoptive home, toilet “accidents” may occur repeatedly and even may appear
to be intentional because children do not seem to feel guilty or concerned. By
that time, negative attitudes of adults and of other children to the child
himself or herself, not just to the toileting problems, may begin to have
effects on the child’s mood and behavior,
further complicating the difficulties.

So what to do when this situation has developed? The
first consideration is about medical problems that may cause toileting
difficulties. (As one participant in the listserv discussion I mentioned
earlier said, the causes are often thought to be volitional, but they are probably
biological.) Urinary tract infections may be involved. As for inappropriate
defecation, strange as it may seem, these children are sometimes suffering from
constipation, with hardened feces held in the intestines, but softer feces
passing around the hardened part and being passed involuntarily or leaking.
This problem may have developed because children are afraid to use the toilet
or because it has been painful to pass hard stools and the child is actively
resisting this. If constipation is a problem, children may need to be treated with
stool softeners and with changes in diet that can return them to a healthier
elimination pattern.

Behavioral treatments are also useful, especially if a
child has found defecation painful and needs to be rewarded for sitting on the
toilet at first and later for defecating there. Frequent reminders and rewards,
given in an encouraging and nonpunitive way, are needed until the child has
some success.

If urinary problems are not caused by medical issues,
the problem may be that the child has not learned to associate the sense of a
distended bladder with urination soon after. Encouraging the child to drink
large amounts of fluids and then measuring the urinary output (with a bucket or
some other device) can call his or her attention to the connection between the
two.

Children who have toilet difficulties of these kinds
may also have other mood or behavioral problems, including defiant, oppositional,
or callous-unemotional behavior, but it is probably a mistake to assume that the toilet behavior is just another aspect of
defiance or opposition. The two kinds of problems are likely to have different
causes and to need to be treated differently.

Need I say that when children are locked in their
rooms, or when door alarms are used so that they have no free access to toilet
facilities but must use buckets to eliminate or wait as long as they can,
difficulties in controlling elimination are likely to emerge even if they were
not present before? Limiting foods, as in the peanut-butter-sandwich-and-milk
routine advised at one time by Nancy Thomas, is likely to play into any
tendencies to constipation. Incidentally, I understand that the said Nancy
Thomas, now touring Russia to spread her beliefs, is recommending that children
with poor bladder control must wash
their clothes by hand with cold water and vinegar; this is not likely to
accomplish anything but to increase anxiety and lessen the child’s ability to
control urination.

Elena Machinskaya writes:At the conference, Nancy Thomas talked a lot about caring for the safety of the child. The fact that the child should be hugged, talk a lot with him. "Not once did the word" sound ". Then they asked the question "Why is there so much negative information about you?" She said, "I have never done anything, I just do my thing, try to help children"Next Machinskaya begins to advertise the book Nancy Thomas "When love is not enough"Actually N. Russian readers. Therefore, Machinskaya only sums up what is not compromised by N. Thomas.

"Enuresis is always a sign of sexual abuse" - shock to the Russian reader.Many people will not read this nonsense. Therefore Machinskaya writes about love and care which allegedly comes from N.Tomas.

All is paid. N. Tomas is looking for a market for the marketing of his books. She's a businessman. In Russia, the number of foster families has increased. People will seek information about the upbringing of orphans.

The foster family Del already had methods of N. Thomas. . As a result, 10 foster children were removed from this family. Children asked protection . It's terrible, but the children say that they are better at the orphanage than in this foster family. Among other things, found lice and elementary problems with hygiene. Educators in kindergarten told us that in the winter and summer, the children were wearing tight, worn out clothes and were always hungry. Foster parents all deny and saying that children lie for no reason. Allegedly children themselves beat themselves. ,. Always hungry .... because the feeling of hunger is a symptom of RAD. However, one girl in this family had a lot of privilege. Separate room, Nanny, mountain skiing, travel to Italy. About the hunger, she does not know anything. Of course this girl does not want to live in an orphanage. She wants to return to the family Del. Probably she does not have RAD )

The Del family used foster children to receive cash benefits. They took children in different regions of the country because there were no questions why so many children they want to take. Then they moved to Moscow because the subsidies in Moscow are even higher than in other regions. As a result, all children were from different regions and the guardianship authorities lost contact with these children. Control was absent. The family distributed photos of happy children on the Internet and periodically arranged for a show-off for the Moscow social services. Employees of the kindergarten sounded the alarm because one of the children came to the kindergarten with bruises.

Dear Mihail-- thank you so much for these comments. I am extremely concerned about the marketing of Nancy Thomas's methods in Russia. It is interesting that there was one child who was not mistreated in that family-- this seems to happen often.

In addition to foster children, native and adopted children lived in this family. In total there are 15 children in this family (total number). Native and adopted children were not subjected to cruel treatment in this family. Отец не бил их . A special attitude by the method of Nancy Thomas was to foster children (to younger children). Probably the mother did not care for the children. Older children take care of the younger ones. They cooked food, washed these children, took them to a kindergarten, cleaned the house. This is also a big load for children. The senior 17-year-old girl could not stand it and ran away from this family. One child lived like a princess In this family . Why? Ordinary girl. She is not prettier than the other girls in this family. Older children learn and have many responsibilities. Younger children are always hungry, frozen and lousy. This is hazing. But this mother is in perfect order. Http://www.mk.ru/upload/entities/2017/01/29/articlesImages/image/c0/ba/c1/8d/7104165_7355071.jpg

Unfortunately, it is impossible to prohibit books by Nancy Thomas. They fall into the fiction section. Now even the political literature can not be banned. Dima Yakovlev's law (there are many points) preventing the financing of propaganda by the West and the US. But fiction does not fall under this law. Therefore, the only way out is to tell people about danger coming from these books. Any law can be circumvented. Nancy Thomas can not come to his own money in Russia and give a conference. This will be considered as Western or American funding for the opposition. But it is possible if any Russian organization finances its arrival. Thus it is obvious that N. Thomas invested money in the visit, in the conference and in the propaganda of her books. But according to the documents, it turns out that the Russian charity organization for the protection of children's rights is financed by the arrival of Nancy Thomas in Russia. They just changed the rules of the game. If you can not receive money from the US ... then they will allegedly send money to the US. As a result, N. Thomas will pay for everything, but secretly and without witnesses.

Dear Jean Mercer,I do not know why. The magic word FAMILY acts on many people as hypnosis. But is this family? 15 children! Is 2 people (mom and dad) + 1 nanny able to serve such a high number of children? Del created a fake. Before the tragedy was one step. When this family lived in Saint Petersburg There was an accident. The youngest child escaped from this family. But the boy was too young (2 year old). He could not explain what happened.2 year old child dressed himself and left the house. The family Del said that he allegedly went to the kindergarten because it was his birthday and he wanted to celebrate. But the police found this child in another direction. He went to an amusement park. The boy left the family at 5 o'clock in the morning. It is remarkable that the family started looking for a baby only the 9 o'clock in the morning. By that time, the child had been in the police for 4 hours. By this time in the city already on all of the posts hung up ads about this child.https: //neva.today/uploads/14/06/05/o_1_1401875849_1 [1] .jpg

If the family chronically does not cope with parental responsibilities then the technique of Nancy Thomas can be very tempting for such a family. The family does not have the strength and time to teach the child to the pot. The child wears a diaper around the clock and does not learn to control urination. Then this family is looking for an excuse why a 5-7 year old child has an enuresis.Parents do not want to make an effort or do not have time for a child. Then Nancy Thomas comes to the rescue.In fact, this is an opportunity to maintain order and discipline with the help of small efforts on the part of parents. Parents must stop feeling sorry for the children and deprive them of the slightest initiative. But it is very doubtful that children in such a family will receive normal social skills and someday they will be able to become independent people.

Dear Jean MercerOnly a very stupid person can believe that children with poor bladder control must must wash their clothes by hand with cold water and vinegar;

To date, there are about 300 ways to treat urinary incontinence. This and physiotherapy, and special diets, and courses of acupuncture, and auto-training, and all sorts of medications, and even hypnosis. But after a thorough examination of the patient and identify the causes of the disease.

Almost all the recommendations of Nancy Thomas are not a treatment but a humiliation of the child. She degrades the baby andThen caresses him. So you can raise a sadomasochist.Much of what Nancy Thomas suggests is instructions for raising dogs or blatant mockery of a child. A loving mother will never apply these recommendations. What happened in the Del family is the consequence of enrichment at the expense of children. Svetlana Del was well aware of what she was doing. Therefore she did not dare to say that starvation and low temperature in the room where the children slept are a method of education. She said that the children are lying, because they have a RAD. The Del family denied the use of violence and the application of N. Thomas's methods. Because they well understood that this is not education, but cruel treatment. Therefore, the court did not give them a chance to return the children against whom violence was committed. This is a double punishment for parents and for older children. Older children should learn that one should not offend those who are younger and weaker. There will not be a chance to correct mistakes, because initially the family had a desire to correct the family budget at the expense of younger adoptive children . Of course older children are not to blame. They did not offend the kids, but they did not protect them. This is bad and wrong. Only one of the oldest girls (Alexandra) stood up for the little ones. But she was interested, because her younger brother lived in this family. She did not allow these parents to have a crush on the kids. She defended these children. Del returned her brother to an orphanage and then Alexandra refused to take care of other children and left the family. Everything is much more complicated than the alleged blind faith in the methodology of Nancy Thomas. In fact, there was a conscious desire to maintain discipline and order in the house at all costs. No photos can justify these foster parents, because there was a lot of hypocrisy and little real love and pity for the children. 600 000 rubles a month is enough money to provide a decent life for all 15 children. Del could hire one for each of the younger children. Older children did not need nannies. They are all sufficiently independent and responsible.Instagram of the family Del. Everything looks perfect. If it were not for the testimonies of the eldest daughter, neighbors, kindergarten teachers, medical workers.Besides ...Younger children (8 out of 10) categorically refused to return to this family.https://www.instagram.com/svetkaaa2012/?hl=ru

Undoubtedly, the children of the family Del understood that the parents act wrong.When the police and the guardians came to Del's apartment ...... 6-year-old Polina (favorite with privileges) loudly said: "Daddy, they came because you beat Seryozha." Then she took one of the inspectors by the hand and said: "Come on I'll show you where the insects (cockroaches) are hiding." After these words, the older children fled from the apartment, they could not justify themselves and deceive the guardianship authorities,I think in this family only 4 year old Petya did not understand the situation, He has Down syndrome. In a social shelter, he cried as Polina's-favorite and wanted to return to mother. So these 2 children were returned to the Del family. The older children did not communicate at all with the police and with the guardians. If they ran away from the police, then they do not want to leave this family. Therefore, the guardianship made no attempts to detain them.

Svetlana Del is not a typical Russian woman.For a long time she was a member of the Protestant community. This is untypical for Russia. The percentage of Protestants and Catholics in Russia is very low. Svetlana studied in London at the University. She knows English well. Therefore, she had so much information about RAD and about Attachment therapy. Her husband is a cameraman. Therefore, this family was able to create staged fake. Svetlana passed into the Orthodox faith. Of course it's her personal choice, but maybe she wanted to become popular. In Russia, most people prefer Orthodoxy. I am at a loss for this system. All her younger children attended kindergarten for free. But she Ignored personnel and activities in the kindergarten .. As a rule, Russian parents take seriously the various activities that are held in kindergartens. She did not hesitate to send the children to the kindergarten in the old dirty clothes. There was a case when parents in a kindergarten collected money and bought new shoes and clothes for the children. But in the photo all the children are dressed well. They had good clothes but only for special occasions.In addition, parents and caregivers were shocked when on the mother's day. Del did not even come to see the concert which was preparedEducators and children for Mother's Day, although her son participated in this holiday (he told poems, sang songs, danced, etc.). She treated the kindergarten as a temporary holding room for children.I write about it in detail because there was a big protest movement in defense of the Del family. Many people demanded the return of children to this family. Some people are sure that any even the worst family is better than an orphanage. But the children do not want to return to this family. Children do not want to starve and fear every day. 12 children slept and lived in two small rooms. This is a mockery of children. The family receives an average of 600,000 -700,000 rubles a month and the children live like sprats in a bank.

I think that over time, Nancy Thomas's method will be equated to crimes against children. Because it is obvious that this is cruel treatment of children. Svetlana Del recommended books by Nancy Thomas on the online forums for raising children. She writes that you should not criticize these books if you have not read them. You read and draw your conclusions.But if the adoptive mother will suddenly read in the book that this child is not initially able to love and empathize. Suddenly, this mother will read that it turns out in her house there lives a potential killer who can kill her whole family. And then the advice of Nancy Thomas how to avoid this killing and save the whole family including the foster monster. This can have a huge impact on adoptive parents and foster parents. Of course Russian moms are not out of the coward. It is unlikely that they will be afraid of a foster child. But they can increase the pressure on the child 10-20 times. They can establish such a rigid dictatorship that flies will die of fear. In the Russian mentality from space immeasurable forgiving love to fierce hatred is just one step. If suddenly a mother or father believes that there is a threat to their lives and safety in their family .... I'm even afraid of what will remain of this so-called threat. Worst of all, our children traditionally like to provoke and constantly check the boundaries of what is allowed. In normal circumstances, adults easily expose these boundaries and designate red lines. But if Nancy Thomas's ideas penetrate into their consciousness ... it will be an apocalypse. Incredible luck if the child has time to escape and hide.

Dear Jean Mercer, you in vain publish my comments. I write this only for you. I really hope that the google-translator does not distort the meaning of my comments. In Russia, the number of adoptive parents and foster families has increased. But the system of accompanying such families is not worked out and is not perfect. Problems in Russian foster families differ from those in American foster families. In Russia, adoptive parents and foster parents are not afraid of orphans. Svetlana Del advocated the books of Nancy Thomas, but she was not afraid of adopted children. On the contrary. Children were afraid to live in this family. They were afraid of Mom and Dad. The only native child (.4 year old) was sleeping in the same room together with adopted children. This family did not lock the children in the room but had video surveillance throughout the apartment. The older children participated in maintaining discipline, but they did not offend the younger children. School teachers and educators in kindergarten do not have pritenzy to these children. Claims only for improper care of these children. In Russian foster families there is no chaos, but there is a threat of strict discipline for children. We still have a lot of politics. Our liberal opposition tries to drag everything that does not like the current government to Russia. Attachment therapy fell into the category of Western hostile anti-scientific lemmodics. Now the opposition will try to spread it in Russia. Books by Nancy Thomas are not the main danger in Russia. In Russia, many of their problems ( negligence, corruption, drunkenness .....) Why do liberals drag a new problem to us? Thank you for your patience and participation.

Svetlana Del in her statements and interviews repeatedly asked: "To whom did we cross the road?" Why did the children have been withdrawn so quickly and without explanation why the police are not interested in older children? Why do they only interview the younger children and ignore the stories of the adopted children, but the police will not tell them what Nancy Thomas can not be applied in our country, they will not say this because there is no such law, so let them themselves guess why it is impossible to advertise and use this supposedly miraculous technique Facilitates the life of adoptive parents and adoptive parents.Psychologists tested children .Children have different statuses in this family. .Therefore, it makes no sense to interrogate children and ask them direct questions.Thus everything is clear.Were returned to the family by the children who wanted to return. Svetlana says that no trusting the words of some children because they have RAD.Why not? Even if we assume that the child has a RAD and lies ..... In this case, he himself wanted to live in an orphanage and this is his personal choice. Maybe these children have a RAD although the doctors did not put them this diagnosis. But there are no fools in this family. If some children do not want to love and live in the Del family ..... then let them live where they are more comfortable and calmer. The desire to live together must be mutual. If within 10 years of life in this family this desire did not arise ... then do not continue torturing children. They DO NOT WANT to live like this. Maybe it's RAD but maybe it's a desire to live without fear and hunger in normal human conditions.In all cases, these children see and understand that society is not indifferent to their fate. Parents make desperate attempts to return them. The elder brothers and sisters always come to visit them. The media makes a lot of noise about these children. Now there are attempts to adopt or take these children to other families. Even if these children are experiencing stress ... they see the desire of people to help them. . This is the main thing that can contribute to the formation of their social importance. They PART society.

One more thing.Svetlana Del punched in every way in social networks. Alexandra (the eldest daughter) She called her a liar and manipulative. Allegedly the girl did not want to learn, Supposedly she had difficulty finishing 9 classes and did not want to continue studying. Svetlana said that Alexandra is a liar, lazy, hypocritical and blackmailer. But when Alexandra left this family, she entered the Lyceum and graduated with honors from this school. She received a diploma with honors!2 younger children from the Del family studied at a private school for children with developmental lag. But the teachers at this school said that these children did not have a backlog in development. They could study in a regular educational school. Teachers several times told Svetlana that these children do not have intellectual problems and do not need an auxiliary correctional school. They can and should receive a normal quality education. But Svetlana did not care what kind of education her foster children would get. It was convenient for her that they were all day in a private school under the supervision of teachers and educators.

You can read how the history of the Del family is covered by the Russian press. They refer to your research and your scientific works. Psychologists made psychological diagnosis of these children. These children are afraid of a foster father. They even paint themselves Yourself as far as possible from their father.Https://ivan4.ru/news/semeynye_tsennosti/ntv_syuzhet_pro_semyu_del_terapiya_privyazannosti_nensi_tomas_chto_eto/

The adopted daughter Polina turns out to be a really talented girl. This 6-year-old girl reads well, writes, dances, goes skiing, sings, plays piano .... Recently she learned to shoot a Kalashnikov assault rifle .... I wonder where they found such a treasure. Probably in Siberia. But not to everyone God gives talents. Children are different and are equal before God. Family, Del now have 5 children.

Friends and supporters of the family want to adopt confiscated children, They have already begun to bring documents for adoption. These children will not stay in the orphanage for a long time. Families from Moscow and St. Petersburg have already begun to bring documents for the adoption of these children, Svetlana asks that children are sent to these families in order not to lose contact with these children.Polina Del https://www.instagram.com/p/BUmu9CaByYl/?taken-by=svetkaaa2012&hl=ru

Probably razrava over the couple Del was associated with the planned arrival of Nancy Thomas. The authorities are trying to curb the spread of embedding therapy in Russia. But they can not prohibit. Mikhail Del said in an interview: "We fell under some kind of propaganda company, which is more terrible than getting under the asphalt compactor." Although he may be trying to justify himself and put the blame on our legal system and juvenile justice. However, TV did immediately show the plot "Methods of Nancy Thomas in the family of Svetlana Del" Although this family had more desire to grab more money than the methods of Nancy Thomas. There have been some elements of the use of Embedding therapies.In fact, no one expected that this particular family . would fall under the asphalt compactor. Power gives a signal to adoptive parents and foster parents. DO NOT USE AND DO NOT SPREAD THIS METHODOLOGY ... OR YOU WILL HAVE MUCH PROBLEMS

You please do not think that the older children of the Del family are successful because the Del family applied Attachment therapy. In fact, this family did not apply this method initially. Svetlana was a volunteer and took care of the neighbor's boy. His parents were killed in a car accident. They were friends of the Del family. Then she adopted two teenagers (a boy and a girl). Then they adopted 2 year old Pauline. It was a good family, although the money was sorely lacking. Nevertheless, they jointly built a house near St. Petersburg. Responses about this family at that time were the best. Everyone admired this family. Then Svetlana gave birth to a son. At that time, a law on the increase of monetary subsidies for foster families was issued. And then this family began to take unrestrainedly into the family of foster children. They did not adopt them because adopted children do not have high cash grants. But the problems began. The children were registered with the local polyclinic and there was a scandal because of missed visits and missed vaccinations. They also forgot to take free medications in the clinic that their foster children must take. After that, the family sold the house and apartment. They moved to Moscow and began to build a new house in the suburbs. They lived in a rented apartment. Only then did the Del family start using the Attachment therapy . They did not cope but wanted to continue to monitor the situation. So it is not known what consequences these methods of education could bring if the police did not stop this experiment.

Dear Mihail-- I know you said you were just writing this to me, but I think everyone should read them, and I have no other way to answer you. I am planning to write a post based on your comments and information from another Russian source, because I think that very serious problems are developing in Russia because of the spread of AT ideas. Thank you again for what you have sent.

I think the child's psyche (if there is no genetic , physical , organic damage to the brain) has a sufficient resource of strength and potential for restoration. In the 1990s, depression and despair killed many adults. However, the children made desperate attempts to survive in any conditions. A child who has lost sight or limbs at an early age adapts much more successfully than an adult in a similar situation. Pauline Del already dances))) although she experienced the greatest emotional stress than other children in this family when seized. https://www.instagram.com/p/BWajHZKhgdt/?taken-by=svetkaaa2012&hl=ru

On the project "You are super!" Some orphans find guardians, sponsors, foster parents or adoptive parents. But most of these children want to meet with biological parents. As a rule, they are asked to fulfill their desire. Although the organizers of the show offer them a lot of other prizes (travel, computers, and musical instruments, etc.). But as a rule the children want to see a biological mother. Even if this mother is in prison or is an alcoholic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4NUIA8wWv4

16-year-old Roman Druzhinin also asked for genetic analysis. He has foster parents. There is no chance to find his biological parents. But he wanted to know at least what his nationality was. Genetic analysis showed the gypsy genes. ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deDo1wddXbw

Sofia Voloshanenko ( 14 year old ) came to Russia from Ukraine. Sofia is an orphan, but she lives with her grandmother. She tore the hearts of the Russian audience. She sings in Ukrainian, but almost all the Russians know this song by heart. It does not even matter if she is an orphan. She reminded everyone how close our people are. Every word is understandable and touches the soul. She already a singer. Members of the jury said that they do not have the right to evaluate it. She is superior to them in skill. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_OXUbdkqcg

Zhenya Boytsov остался без родителей уогда он был 18 месячный .. At the age of 3 he sang on stage for the first time. At the age of 6 he began to live in a foster family. He began to study music right after coming to the foster family.This boy does not have emotional problems at all. He's like an angel. How can this be?Https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tele68BmYDw

Sofia Allahverdieva is 7 years old. Immediately after birth, the mother refused her. The girl lived in the hospital for 3 months. Then she was transferred to the Children's Home. But when Sophia performed 1 year ... she began to live in a foster family. Sophia now has a second junior class in gymnastics. She has won several victories in her age category. At the contest "you are super!" She left the race in the second round. In the first round, she cleanly sung. In the second round, the coaches complicated the task. She had to move. She moved beautifully could but not sing. It does not matter. She umnichka and well done! Https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8Yw4l-p5cw

In June, another music project for children was launched, A new wave "in Artek (Crimea) .In spite of the declared isolation of Russia and the Crimea, this project is international. 3 orphans from Russia participate in this project.There is no division into orphans and orphans. But to start orphans is more convenient in You Super! It's safer for their psyche Even in the event of a failure, the orphans receive spectator sympathies, all kinds of prizes and even fulfillment of cherished desires. "This is a social project aimed at helping orphans and increasing their self-esteem. Search of families for orphans is not the main but companionable task.The main thing is that the child gained self-confidence and got an incentive for further self-realization.There are no losers, but all the winners.In 2012 the Crimea hosted the VII International Contest-Festival of Talented Orphans " Schaslivi Doloni "in" Artek. "At that time Crimea was Ukrainian, this year there is a children's music festival" New Wave ".https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gYmEsGi0yQ

Dear Mihail-- thank you for all this information about opportunities for Russian orphans. I am not sure, though, whether it is such a good idea to make much of orphans and point out their orphan status. Often children just want to be "like their friends". But certainly it is better than ignoring or mistreating them!

Dear Jean,I want to thank you for what you did for Russian children. I do not know what the word "THANKS" means in English, but in Russian this word consists of 2 shortened words of SPASI and BOG . Originally it sounded - God will save YOU.SPASI - (save.)BO - Bog (God)SPASIBO to you !!!

If the American adoptive parents knew in advance some of the national characteristics of Russian children .... it was possible to avoid many intra-family conflicts. Russian children do not appreciate home comfort but prefer hiking in nature with all sorts of difficulties, new impressions and adventures. Home cosiness ... this is an opportunity to relax and relax .... but if there are no new eye-popping impressions ... children are beginning to get bored and nervous. And they are very fond of winning. Therefore, the goal to which they will strive should always be indicated. The absence of this goal means a path to depression and antisocial behavior. In addition, they are congenital collectivists. They need a peer group. The house is a place of rest and relaxation. School or work is life and the possibility of self-realization. Https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mwx5E56Ld_s

Dear Mihail-- I understand that you would like to provide an explanation in terms of a misunderstanding of "national character", including "congenital collectivism". Although the traits you describe are different from American traits on the whole, I don't think they are the reason that some American adoptive parents have chosen to apply abusive methods to children. Unfortunately, such methods have been applied to children from many backgrounds, including those born in the U.S. My concern about the Russian children has been part of a much broader concern about some forms of treatment of adoptees.

About Me https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Mercer

Jean Mercer has a Ph.D in Psychology from Brandeis University, earned when that institution was 20 years old (you do the math). She is Professor Emerita of Psychology at Richard Stockton College, where for many years she taught developmental psychology, research methods, perception, and history of psychology. Since about 2000 her focus has been on potentially dangerous child psychotherapies, and she has published several related books and a number of articles in professional journals.
Her CV can be seen at http://childmyths.blogspot.com/2009/12/curriculum-vitae-jean.mercer-richard.html.