The Newly Designed 2014 Cadillac CTS

A hard lesson in the 80’s was that boxy was beautiful. With flat faces and hoods sticking out into the next time zone meant that you had a ghetto sled that was ready to collect money from your working gals. Today Cadillac has decided to incorporate a more linear design with subtle curves and for a design snob such as myself, I think it works. While Cadillac’s sights are on the Bavarian bulbous battlewagons of the East we see that they are not simply copying the designs of the round BMW’s and although Mercedes has a more chiseled look to it, there seems to be a large degree of separation. The problem Cadillac faces is that when you drove previous models you sensed the cheesy and flimsy parts of other badge models and its look was as if they simply added two front quarter panels and some phony trim and emblems. Of course we know that there is a global model underlying in each 2014 Cadillac but it seems that the designers are getting better at differentiating it or at least hiding the flimsy bits.

I have liked the boldness of the CTS since its inception and of course there has always been a soft spot for the CTS-V. I personally am a sucker for special editions that actually means there is some go-fast parts under the hood and not just some fucking ground effects (looking at you Honda and Toyota). The problem is that I never bought one. The reason is simple, why pay a steak price for steak shaped hamburger? I always thought Cadillac vehicles were too expensive for what they truly were. Today however we see the Cadillac 2014 CTS that are showing some sweet additions as well as German-like innovation. First off we see that GM has finally planted the 8-speed transmission in the 2014 CTS which should help on all around fuel efficiency. As like most Americans in general the CTS is getting bigger around the waist yet shorter (due to preservatives and smoking) in overall height. This actually will give the new Cadillac a sleeker look and less resistance to wind. Unlike America, this 2014 Cadillac is going on the “biggest loser” and that female Hitler Jillian is making it shed weight. As a result the CTS is a chubby girl in weight less than the BMW 5-series claims GM.

Ok so what about the V-series CTS? Well my coke dealer told me that he also deals to the design team members of Cadillac and that they are looking at the 6.2 liter Supercharged V8 to produce just around 600 ponies. Possible issues with the 8-speed handling that amount of awesomeness means that they will probably also use the 6L90 automatic slushbox. Now if they love me then we shall see an estate version as well as the TREMEC robot penis (manual) as an option. Stay classy Cadillac