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Neither missing me by my hair nor missing me everywhere…

Seems fitting for Groundhog Day, but with advance apologies to the few readers who emailed me to say I shouldn’t waste anymore time in this place…

This is the point in the That Guy cycle when I’m worried we’re not actually done — that I’ll let my guard down and then he’ll pop up somewhere. It’s been a discernible pattern, so much that I’m in a mental fighting stance every time I check any element of my digital existence.

I don’t think it’s going to happen this time. We weren’t exactly kind to each other. And he wasn’t trying to resurrect our friendship, which it turns out we never HAD. He was just finally confirming he’d been using my body and affection to make himself feel better, and that I was inadequate in both capacities. (Still a great feeling if you ever get the chance.)

Logistically, I don’t see how he COULD pop up. He can still see this page because it’s public (everybody wave!). I’m not changing that to avoid one person. (Unless it’s, like, Dexter.) But I don’t think he’s going to “like” anything after I gave him a bunch of shit about liking posts about my body or masturbation.

I think I’ve taken every other precaution, but I’m still a little on edge. When I stopped speaking to him last New Year’s, I don’t think a month passed thereafter where he didn’t remind me he was checking on me — a text, blog like, Facebook friend request (to my professional account), a LinkedIn profile view. But I probably said enough that he’ll avoid setting off that particular powder keg again.

And we’ll just save it for therapy that I still miss him. (Shut UP, I don’t KNOW. He told me I “claim dysfunction and use it to explain away being wrong,” so…yeah, dibs on that. I was crazy, I thought we were friends — I was wrong. I’m basically Clarissa right now.)

Oddly, I think I’ll relax about all this around Valentine’s Day, since that’ll be about 6 weeks. I’ll aim to spend that day finally unclenched, hopefully in more ways than one, with a movie, a glass of wine, my bombass lasagna, and an obscene quantity of really good chocolate. Ideally with a man under me as well, but I think it’ll be a decent day either way. Me and my Valentine “Serenity” — in all the ways. Shiny.

No apologies. It’s your blog. Talk about whatever you want or need to talk about.

I will continue to think That Guy is a douche, and a tool who doesn’t deserve to get laid. There are plenty of women out there who are happy for no strings attached sex. That he couldn’t be bothered to find one of them and instead toyed with you the way he did makes him an asshole. That he continued/continues to play games makes him a whole bag of unwanted dick pics. (Which, lest anyone be confused by this analogy are both annoying and worse than useless. Not to mention take up time and energy that could be used more enjoyably on just about anything else.)

And do you really miss HIM or the person you thought he was? Cause they sound like two different people.

Yeahhhhh, I know it’s the person I thought he was. I don’t know if I posted that or just personal-journaled it, but it did occur to me.

It bothers me a lot that I was SO unbelievably wrong abut him, that my judgment just sucked THAT much. I know I’m not the first person to feel this way, but…REALLY? I honestly still don’t fully believe him — maybe like 95%. But even if he’s not being totally honest, he said what he said for a reason, and I have to accept it.

Ok, that makes more sense. Just don’t confuse that person with the person he’s told you he actually is.

And don’t be too hard on yourself about being mistaken about who he was. Pretty sure it happens to everyone at least once in life. People make mistakes. Don’t let you shake it more than you deserve. (Easier said than done, I know.)