My First Roommate Wasn't My Best Friend And It's OK If Yours Isn't Either

In just about every college experience you'll ever see, one common theme is finding your absolute best friend and my other half in a roommate. Going into my freshman year, I was hoping for this scenario to play out. How cool would that have been to meet a complete stranger that becomes your best friend that you get to live with for an entire year or more?

I met my first roommate on a Facebook roommate finder page. In her description, she seemed pretty cool and like someone, I could definitely see myself being friends with. We started talking and we both had mutual appreciations for Hamilton, reading, and writing. After talking for a while, we decided to room together and I was so excited because I thought I'd found this picture-perfect roommate I'd dreamed about.

Prior to move in, there were a few red flags that I guess I didn't really think too much about. We disagreed on a living situation but she ended up choosing to go with my ideal living situation: a six-person suite with three rooms of two, two bathrooms, a shower room, and a common area. The other four girls that we met seemed really cool too and we were all very excited to start planning for the upcoming school year. That was, everyone except my roommate. She wanted nothing to do with any of the other girls or planning, except for the occasional unwarranted quarrel in the group chat. Even in the first few weeks, she wouldn't come to any of the opening weekend events and we had to beg her to even communicate with us.

We both really tried to make things work, but in the end, there were so many values, lifestyle, hygiene, personality, and communication differences that it was definitely not meant to be. We ended up having to have her move out in the end.

I was super disappointed. I was watching the other four girls get along fairly well with their roommates and have a good time and I felt like I was missing out. I was actually really upset for a while. My suitemates were so good to me during those times and accepted me with open arms, but it still sucked knowing that they got to live with a cool person and stay up laughing and talking late into the night while I had to hope my roommate wouldn't bring a random Tinder guy in while I was sleeping again.

I was really hoping that I would find my best friend in a roommate and it seemed like everyone else I knew had done that. I kinda felt like I was missing out on the real college experience that everyone else got.

I got a new roommate shortly after the first and started feeling better pretty quick. By that point, I'd gotten pretty close to two of my suitemates, but my new roommate was super friendly and I liked her a lot. I didn't pick her, but ultimately I was very glad she moved in. She was so sweet and for the short time we lived together, I was happy to have someone that I got along with finally in my room.

It was a challenging freshman year in terms of my rooming situation, but I'm very happy to say that I'll be living with 2 of my suitemates and absolute best friends next year and I'm happier than ever.

I know everyone wants to have a good first roommate experience, and I'm so happy for those of you who get to! But, don't take it too hard if your roommate doesn't end up being who you thought they were going to be. Living with a stranger is so hard and you're bound to have complications along the way. You haven't failed if you get stuck with a roommate that you don't get along with. Just make the most of the situation you're stuck with and get back out there find the people you're meant to be with. I know I sure did and I'm so excited to start my sophomore year off right with them.

To High School Seniors In Their Last Semester

Dammit, you made it. The final semester of your senior year. You’re at the top of the food chain of high school, and it feels so good. You’re probably praying this last semester flies by, that you get out of town as soon as possible.

At this point, you’re calling teachers by their first names, the entire staff knows you by name, and you’re walking around school standing tall, owning those hallways. You’re convinced you’re ready to leave and move on to the next chapter in your life.

You’ve already experienced your last football game, standing in the cold in the front row of the student section all season long, decked out in your school colors and cheering loud and proud. That is, until they lost, and you realized you will never have that experience again. Never again.

You already had your last winter break. Preparing and celebrating the holidays with your family, ice skating and sledding with your best friends. Those quiet nights alone in your room watching Netflix, taking for granted your loved ones just a few rooms away. Never again.

If you’re an athlete, you may have already played in your last game or ran your last race. The crowd cheering, proudly wearing your school’s name across your chest, giving it your all. For some, it may be the end of your athletic career. Before you knew it, you were standing in an empty gym, staring up at the banners and thinking about the mark you left on your school, wondering where on earth the time went. Never again.

I’m telling you right now, you’re going to miss it all. Everything you’ve ever known. Those early mornings when you debate going to first hour because you really need those McDonald’s hash browns. The late nights driving home from practice, stopping for ice cream of course, ready for a late night of homework. Getting food on a whim with your friends. Endless fights with your siblings. Your favorite chips in the pantry. A fridge full of food. Coming home to and getting tackled by your dog. Driving around your hometown, passing the same sights you’ve seen every day for as long as you can remember. Hugs from your mom after a long day. Laughs with your dad. And that best friend of yours? You’re going to miss them more than anything. I’m telling you right now, nothing will ever be the same. Never again.

Before you start packing your bags, slow down, take a deep breath, and look around. You’ve got it pretty good here. The end of your senior year can be the time of your life; it’s truly amazing. So go to the winter dance, go to Prom, spend Senior Skip Day with your classmates, go to every sporting event you can, while you still can. College is pretty great, but it’s the little things you’re gonna miss the most. Don’t take it for granted because soon, you’ll be standing in a packed gym in your cap and gown, wondering where the heck the time went. You’ve got a long, beautiful life ahead of you, full of joy but also full of challenges. You’re going to meet so many wonderful people, people who will treat you right and people who won’t.

So, take it all in. Be excited for the future and look forward to it, but be mindful of the present. You’ve got this.

Those Old Photographs Show A Girl I Don't Recognize Anymore

Whether it be scrolling through my camera roll on my iPhone, my various social media accounts or even the pictures people have tagged me in over the years. What I see, however, disturbs me. I look into the eyes of the girl who covers every inch of my accounts, the girl in almost every other picture on my camera roll.

I don't see me.

What I do see: a stranger. Happy, pure, stress-free. A girl whose smile stretches from ear to ear, whose eyes shine bright like little shooting stars. Nonchalant dimples. Slightly messy hair, a dirtier blonde. She's usually placed with friends who turned out to not actually be friends or the occasional guy that she thought was going to be the one. So optimistic.

Who is she, and where did she go?

Over time, she starts to look a little more stressed. Her eyes start to dull, and the smile lessens until it's barely there in photographs. Her hair does lighten over time, but soon she will realize that it will never be light enough for her liking. A secret perfectionist.

The stranger starts to look more and more like the girl I see in the mirror every morning, and this is when I finally have to come to terms with the fact that I once was that girl.

Was.

I'm not saying I'm not happy. I still smile, I still laugh. It's just that there are only so many events a person can go through before they really start to change. So here, at this point in time, is when I really have to sit down and think. Think about what lessened that smile. Think about what turned the sparkle in those eyes into tears. Think about everything that made me feel anything less than content.

It's not just things. It's people. Human beings. Terrible, horrible, human beings. They come into your life, and you want to believe that people are good and that they are just as caring as you are.

Wrong.

They will break you. Whether it be soft and slow, or quick like a knife finding it's home in the center of your heart. You will meet good people, yes, but you will also meet those with the cruelest of intentions. You'll never see it at first. Ever. You'll let them snake their way into your heart and mind, you will offer to give them the world and more. That's just who you are, or maybe, who you were.

So this is where I must ask this, and truly reflect on the events of my life: Who was the first and last person to add to the deterioration of the girl in the old photos? What was the first and last event to do so? Is there some chronological timeline somewhere that I'm missing out on, or is it really just one big blur of catastrophes?

It's hard to answer such questions. I can remember brief moments from my childhood that may have contributed. Small encounters with immature tween boys who were the first to make me feel anything less than beautiful. My fellow middle school peers who harassed me for being the quiet girl who liked to wear quirky outfits. The other girls in my class who didn't want to be around me, simply because I didn't grow up in the same area as them. Like I could help that. I had several things in common with them, but they will never know. Or maybe it was the high school administrators who laughed in my face at my goals and ambitions. Administrators.

I could go on and on about the people, places and things that have tried to knock me down a few pegs. The stepping stones who brought the smiling, happy figure to the reserved, hesitant girl and merged them. I must remember one thing: I am not the person who let that random boy call me a name. I am not the girl who let her "friend" violently yell at her and break her down in public. I am not the girl who let her "friend" make her feel bad for being there for her and expecting her to do the same. I am not the girl who let the wrong person in way more than once.

I am much stronger now. That's when I realized what actually happened. It wasn't a deterioration, it was a metamorphosis that occurred.

Yes, these events may have a negative connotation to them, but in all honesty, I don't regret a thing. Yes, the perfect stranger in the old photos may look like the more ideal option at times, but she isn't ready for the real world, at least she wasn't. She wasn't confident or mature, she was exactly what she looks like: a child. My experiences have shaped me and turned me into someone who is ready. Ready to take on whatever comes this way. Ready for reality.

I miss the girl that's further down my feed often. Sometimes, I daydream of the simpler times. Times where I could create beautiful life plans, times where I dreamt of this extravagant fantasy life, with some crazy-cool job and a husband I never fight with and a large home on a waterfront somewhere. This isn't true reality. Reality is a good friend of mine now. That's OK. We're starting to get along, finally. I understand it a lot better now.