Second Impressions Work Better

Today at work (I work as a waitress in a Pub/Restaurant), one of my colleagues discovered I was a christian. I’ve gotten know him quite well since I started about 4 weeks ago and he truly is an amazing person. We have great banter and, if we can get away with them, we prank each other. Naturally, he was curious as to how ‘christian’ I was. For the sake of ease of reference I’m gonna call him… Frank.

Practically all of the people I work with know I have a Boyfriend, some of them knowing he’s AS and Deaf, and so Frank was curious as to how my faith effects my relationship. He’s quite an up front kind of person, so one of the first topics we talked about was the ‘sex before marriage’.

Literally, everyone knows that ‘Christian’s don’t have sex before marriage because it’s a sin‘.

Yes, it is. Sex was created between two people within marriage. But that’s not the only reason why I follow this command. In fact, the main reason I don’t want sex before marriage is so far away from me being christian, that if I said I was Christian right now, I would still not have sex.

You see, as I think I’ve mentioned before, my mum and dad have brought me up with the inclination that if I’m dating someone who I don’t see myself married to, what’s the point in dating them? Therefore, as I’ve gotten older, that’s expanded onto; If you don’t see yourself married to that person, why give them your whole body?

This isn’t saying that I don’t see myself married to Dale. As a matter of fact, it actually respects Dale more, because if heaven forbid that we ever did break-up and went our separate ways, I wouldn’t have had any of his body or him any of mine, which means when I’m married and can give my body 100% to my husband. I’ve always hated the idea of my future husband asking me about me being virgin or not, and me having to reveal that somebody else has shared me. This distaste of that scenario has kept me sexually moral to myself (and my Christianity).

Dale and I have also mutually agreed that we will keep ourselves to marriage, because that part of a relationship is so important that it shouldn’t just be squandered on a 3/4 month relationship.

I have tattoos, but that doesn’t stop me being Christian.

I actually have three tattoos. A common misconception is that tattooed people can’t be Christian because in the bible it tell you you can’t get inked. The bible also tells us that we can’t lie, honour our mother and father, not to commit adultery, not to have sex before marriage and not to eat pork, but it never once says you can’t be Christian if you do/don’t do any of those things. My Tattoos are also based heavily around my faith as a Christian too (which doesn’t make it any worse or better, but to me, if I’m going to ink myself, I needed something very meaningful to me). One of my tattoos focus on my family; Mum, Dad, Sister and Brother, and when I get married, my Husband and then my children.

Dale doesn’t mind my tattoos, but he doesn’t want me to be covered in them. I think he would have preferred for me not to have tattoos, but he still loves me. (He also met me and started dating me after I’d had the three already, so they were kind of there before he was).

Do I date only Christian Men?

A few years ago (like, when I was fourteen) I would have said no. After all, my mum and dad weren’t christian when they started dating and when my mum became christian, she was still married and loved my dad even though he wasn’t. There were also some non-christian boys who I had crushes on, so I didn’t want to only keep to christian boys. Also, there was no boys in my age group at church who I fancied either.

But now? Because of bad experiences I’ve had with non-christian boys (both being in a relationship and not), I’m thinking I’ll be keeping to Christian men (not that Christian men are perfect either. Well… Dale is). It’s more of a safety net rather then it being influenced by my faith. [Good] Christian men will have the same morals as me, and not push for anything that God doesn’t want, whereas it is more likely that non-christian men won’t have them same views and would probably find it difficult to understand my reasons for not wanting to move in with them before marriage.

This isn’t saying that non-christian men a savages and have no respect for women, because I have met and are good friends with some who are very lovely and are very moral. I’m sure this is the majority and I’ve just been unlucky to get the minority of boys/men who don’t have that same respect for women.

Frank and I have now found something new to talk about…

He’s actually looking forward to talking religion/faith with me (in case any of you are wondering at all; he’s married and muslim, so no. No competition). I think he’s relieved as much as I that we see that our religions/faiths are practically based off the same thing, with only a few differences that we would probably end up agreeing on most things. He doesn’t seem to be bothered about the N.S.B.M rule, and so was a little ‘meh’ with the whole idea.

ONTO A DIFFERENT TOPIC BUT BASED AROUND THE SAME THING:

I thought it might be a little interesting to know how Dale and I very first met. It’s quite simple actually.

HE STOLE MY CAPO!

That’s right! I was playing in the Worship Band at church with my guitar, and while packing away, I left my Capo next to my dad’s P.A Desk. Dale thought it was his somehow, and he took it home, leaving me capo-less. After my dad posting it on Facebook, Dale replying saying he’d picked a capo up thinking it was his, Dale messaged me. That was it really. That was two years ago.

Actually, technically, the first time we somewhat interacted was when I was at church, and attempting to sign along with a song, Dale obviously saw me struggling and making a fool of myself, he went to the front and signed for me (showing me the proper signs). We never spoke really, until the Capo incident, and then we didn’t speak again for about two years until my mum put us in touch.

Mum basically said there was this guy a church who is struggling because of his hearing and because I knew sign to ‘befriend’ him and help him feel a part of our church. We began talking; I bought him a Christmas present, and then about two months later he asked me on a lunch date. Cute huh?

So it was actually the third impression that kicked mine and dale’s relationship off officially.

So, if you screw up your first impression, or don’t fully make the impression you wanted, you always have a chance to grow on that person and show them who you really are.