NLP

This blog post is the first in a series of posts I will be writing on Values. I use values as the foundation of my coaching practice as I have found that using values significantly enhances the effectiveness of both coaching and NLP techniques by getting better results faster.

Understanding your values is an amazing moment of clarity and self-awareness. Living your life in line with your values makes you feel happier and more fulfilled every day. That is why I am committed to increasing the awareness of values and the importance they have in our lives.

This week’s value in focus is Fairness.

Definitions of Fairness are: the state, condition or quality of being fair; free from bias or injustice; the perceived appropriateness of something; evenhandedness.

It is something that we expect to be present in the world around us and in the behaviour of people around us and so mostly we do not even notice it. It is only when fairness is missing, that we sit up and take notice. It is only then that negative emotion is generated in us. For example, you might feel disappointment at a minor unfair situation e.g. someone getting a better gift or reward than you, whereas the emotion you might feel at a major injustice e.g. a child being mal-treated, is more likely to be that of outrage or anger.

Fairness is an interesting value. It is rarely the first thing on our mind when we think about what is important to us, however when it is taken away, suddenly its importance is brought into focus.

The level of importance the value of fairness holds for us and the resonance of the word to us will vary, depending on our experiences. It will be meaningful to a degree, so ask yourself if fairness was missing in my life, how bad would it be? How angry do you get when you see someone being unfair?

If you are a law enforcer, e.g. a police officer, a lawyer, or perhaps a human rights campaigner then I would expect the values of Fairness or Justice to feature highly in your personal core ‘top ten’ set of values. For the rest of us Fairness usually is quite important but rarely makes it to the top of the list.

Reflect on the importance of this value to you. Is it honoured in your life? Are you fair to others, are they fair to you and are you fair to yourself?

For more information on Values, please visit my website, you will find a free values identification exercise to help you discover what is important to you.

If you wished you enjoyed life more each day then read on for a useful Life Coaching NLP technique.

With the busy, stressed lives we lead, we can sometimes find ourselves ‘going through the motions’ of enjoying ourselves, without actually feeling it. How many times have you been out with friends, been to family parties, or even been on holiday but when you look back afterwards, can you really say you enjoyed yourself or even remember what happened without looking at the photos!

We can have very full social lives but not actually have fun, if we haven’t learnt to ‘be present’, by that I mean, live in the moment. If we are always checking our phones, worrying about how soon we can leave or thinking about what we going to do afterwards, then we are not being present and are unlikely to be really enjoying ourselves.

To help ‘be present’, use all your senses to be in the moment:

– really look at what you can see around you,
– focus on really listening to what you can hear,
– notice how you are feeling at that moment,
– touch the things around you, maybe the hand next to yours,
– allow good smells and tastes to linger a while and soak them up.

For example: a simple walk in the park can be really improved if you take time to focus on the moment. Look at the colours and patterns of the leaves, trees and grass around you, listen to the birds and the wind, smell and taste the air, touch a flower or a tree, focus on how you feel right now.

Using all your senses helps to relish and really live in the moment, to enjoy that time much more; it also helps you to remember it more vividly.

So if you want to enjoy life more, practice this technique until it becomes a good habit and part of the way you live your life.

There is so much information available on how to produce a Curriculum Vitae (CV), it can be difficult to know where to start, so I’ve simplified things into 3 key areas:

Create an impressionImagine you are the employer reading the CV, what are you looking for, what does this CV
tell you about the person applying for the job, what are they like, do they have what you are looking for? Use this technique to critique your own CV and help you to identify the areas that need enhancing.
Make sure your name is clear at the top, with easy to find contact details, then have a strong summary paragraph which gives the reader a good feel for who you are and whether you are the kind of person they want to hear more from. Take care what you include in the personal details and interests section at the end; think about the impression you are creating.

Good structureIt is usually more important to demonstrate your skills and achievements than your exam results, so prioritise these on the first page of your CV and leave education and training to the second page. Keep the content relevant to the job you are applying for; match the skills and achievements to the requirements in the advert, this makes it easier for the reader to see you are a good fit for the job.
Bullet points and quantities also help to get important information over clearly, e.g. I managed a team of 10 people; I controlled a budget of £100k; I had responsibility for banking daily takings of £5k cash; my project delivered benefits of £350k; I handled 35 customer calls per day.

Powerful LanguageThe kind of language used in a CV is just as important as in an interview situation. Are you a manager or a leader? Are you a supporter or an achiever? Are you a team player or do you just work in a group? Choose language in your CV to create the best impression.
Words like efficient, effective, capable and organised are appropriate for an admin or office type role. Whereas, words such as created, designed, influenced and directed show much more of a personal contribution. Project type roles call for words like achieved, accomplished, resolved, delivered and facilitated. For a managerial role, words like led, coached, mentored, motivated and liaised are more powerful than just managed.

Your CV is a representation of you; it is your first and best chance to get in front of a future employer so make it count.

They say ‘there is one thing in life that is constant and that is change’ which can make it feel daunting, however if we view change as just the transition from one set of circumstances to another, it makes it more manageable.

This week I shall be talking about coping with change at the Wellbeing Group I run in Winchmore Hill, for details go to www.careercoachlondon.com/wellbeing-group.html
Here are a few tips that we will be covering, which I hope you will find helpful.

Recognise the impact of the change: it can affect people in different ways, for some its negative thoughts, worries and concerns; others feel it emotionally in negative feelings, anxiety and panic or with tears. In more severe cases the impact can take its toll physically, for example affecting our weight or giving us skin, breathing or digestives conditions.

Grounding techniques help to regain a sense of stability, such as thinking of all the good things in your life and in the world that are not affected by this change; or thinking of other times when you have coped well with a change and remember how you did it to give you confidence to do it again; or think ‘happy thoughts’ and remember good times that comfort you.

Face the fear by working out what it is you are afraid of and breaking the change down into small steps, plan forward but focus one day at a time to make it more manageable and give you a sense of control; reframe the change into something more positive by taking a different perspective; know and reassure yourself that the transition period of change will end and a new ‘normality’ will settle you again.

Emotional support is essential; talk to supportive friends and family who will encourage you through the change; a hug, a smile and a cup of tea can go a long way to improving how you feel. Understanding which of your values are affected negatively by the change is also extremely helpful and drawing on other values will help to motivate you to take action to improve things. For more information on values and to learn more about your own, see the free values exercise on my website www.careercoachlondon.com/values.html

Relax and energise yourself by using breathing exercises, meditation or yoga; get active in whatever way you enjoy, e.g. go for a walk, a run, a swim, to the gym, dance, sing. Even cleaning the house or washing the car can be good exercise and give you a sense of normality. Keeping yourself relaxed and energised will help to ensure the stress of the change does not affect your health and will keep you strong to handle the challenge.

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What Lindsay’s clients say

Since learning about my values and having coaching, day to day life has become so much easier, decisions are easier to make and I feel that in difficult situations, I can handle things much more easily, with as little stress as possible.’

Gwen O, Manager in Public Sector

‘Lindsay West Coaching is awesome, what an insight into myself, my values, my beliefs, my perceptions and most importantly my expectations based on those things! Let me say, that if you really want to know who you are and what you stand for, have a session, it is a revelation! At least I know that Making the Difference is right at my core! Magnificent’

Jenni Russell, author, coach and personal trainer.

‘What I found most useful from the sessions was working on defining my core values. Actually sitting down and looking at what things were important to me both personally and professionally helped guide some of the follow up sessions and in the couple of months since we finished I have often referred back to these values in order to make decisions and prioritise what needs to be done.’

Stacey Chapman, Wellbeing Business Owner

This process has helped in practical and emotional terms with new tools to look towards a positive career change. I have found the whole coaching experience liberating. The values and skills identification sessions were particularly helpful. I have gone from redundancy to having 2 jobs to choose from, one of which pays £15k more than my last job.

J Smyth Senior Manager, Housing Association

‘By exploring my values I have had such a revelation and understanding as to ‘why’ I feel like I do when my values have not been ‘honoured’. It has helped me handle the ‘hurts’ so much better and I am now more in control of my emotions. A wonderful exercise and so fortunate to have Lindsay supporting me on my road to self discovery, thank you Lindsay’

Alix Woods, Nutritional Therapist

‘I found my sessions with Lindsay very helpful in ascertaining that the direction I was going with my career was not in line with my values. Through the exercises in the sessions (which were often challenging), I was excited to find new ideas and ways from getting from ‘A’ to ‘B’. This ultimately ended in finding job in a completely different area and I am looking forward to the future. I can’t thank you enough for helping me with the process’.