DALLAS – Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, an influential member of the NFL’s competition committee as well as a powerful voice in the league’s scheduling process, is urging the NFL to consider moving all future Super Bowls to the month of November, according to sources close to the Cowboys organization.
JERRY JONES GLARES AT TONY ROMO 600w

“While some may see this as a drastic and unusual step, moving the Super Bowl to sometime in roughly mid to late November is a move that will be benefit everyone in the long-term,” said Jones. “From the long-suffering fans who are desperate to see, let’s say, a very specific team win the Super Bowl, to the reporters and journalists who can finally shut up with their question about who is, and isn’t a qualified general manager, to the players, some of whom make upwards of $55 million over the course of a contract and had damn well better start paying dividends on that investment, all the way up to the noble and handsome team owners, who can finally get a little bit of credit for knowing what they were doing all along. Wait, what were we talking about again?”

“Right, the November Super Bowl thing,” Jones quickly added. “Everyone’s a winner in this deal.”

Moving the league’s championship game from early February, where it has been a globally celebrated event for decades, to the latter part of November would present the NFL with numerous logistical issues, and critics of the proposal question the wisdom of the plan entirely. Jones, however, maintains the move is a necessary one.

“We need to be aware of trends that affect our product,” Jones told reporters. “And over the past several years I’ve noticed a very distinct shift in the quality of NFL games. The most enjoyable, highest caliber of play seems to occur every year prior to December 1st. Who can explain why? All I know is that we, as an organization, need to capitalize on that situation by moving the Super Bowl to a time when we are putting forth our best level of performance.”

“Well yes, obviously, I mean the entire league,” Jones said in response to reporters’ questions. “What do you think, I’m going to suggest a massive overhaul of our entire business model just to benefit a very, very small number of teams? How selfish do you think I am?”

At press time, the league’s owners had yet to vote on Jones’ plan. However, the Broncos and Falcons are rumored to strongly favor the idea, while the Ravens and 49ers are said to be opposed. Meanwhile, Jones has also introduced an addendum to the league’s official rulebook which states that all 4th quarter interceptions in late season games will henceforth be subject to a “do-over” option for the offense, a move that would be repeatable “for as many times as it takes to complete the fucking pass,” snarled Jones.