Monday, April 23, 2007

This is not to suggest that I in any way care about what the woman thinks or writes in the slightest, but Joan Rivers recently posted in her blog that she's training for this fall's New York City marathon. She excuses her general athletic mediocrity, however, by saying:

"I have run in the last four New York City Marathons. True, I didn’t win. The winners, if you check you local papers, are always foreigners from weird places like Uganda, Nepal and Reykjavik and the reason that these people win is because they are not running for prizes like the rest of us; they’re running to get away from the I.N.S."

Uh.

So according to Ms. Rivers,

1. Any American of Ugandan, Nepalese, or Icelandic descent must be a foreigner. They all, clearly, are fresh off the boat from their respective weird countries and just raring to run a 26-mile race.

2. These aforementioned foreigners, moreover, must be illegal -- because lord knows that they otherwise wouldn't possess the skill to outrun her liposuctioned derrière.

3. John Rivers, clearly, is "running for prizes" -- because finishing 1,334 out of 2,000 certainly shouldn't deter her from thinking that she's actually going to win anything.