Saturday, June 13, 2009

Vod(k)amellon

This seems to be a rave among most of the frats abroad, lucky I stumbled across it huh? I call it the Vod(k)amellon (pronounced va- damellon). Who cares when getting sloshed is as easy as :1,2,3

Step one: Buy yourself the best mellon on the market , I had to forage 40 minutes before I could find one. Although I wanted the regular avriety, I got the chinese instead. Talk about market encroachment. Ok this is what you dont want, ok no Chinese , noo slice to check readiness of the fruit, cause it'll mess up the trick. You want the mellon whole and ripe.

Step two: Get your shit together: Knife, Vodka and mellon. Since Im always upto no good I choose the most suited contender. Make sure your knife is sharp and your Vodka stronger. Chugg down a good glug of the vodka, slap some on the mellon to anesthesise the fruit and lets get this shit on the road eh?

Step three: DRILL, carve in a hole and scoop out the contents. Eating the contents in a ritualistic fashion is of utomst importance, remember to make a small offering to the gods. Ensure that the hole you carve is smaller than the mouth of the bottle so when the bottle gets in there it fits snugly.

Step four: PENETRATE! Invert the mellon and stick the bottle right in there with one smooth motion. Re- invert and stand it up in a corner, with the butt facing the sky, just the way I like it. Cool then almost there.

Step five: Patience. Slosh fruit awaits you tomorrow. Let her sit overnight. The mellon flesh being porous absorbs the vodka. Your just allowing it to infuse, you could chuck in some herbs or flavourings but I prefer her O naturel!

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Incoherently, meticulously and truly unintentionally from the heart, it’s not a mumble even if it’s jumbled. If you’re hungry and you’re lost grab a map, a fork cos I’m heading your way.
A chef, a lost cause, this fine line called sanity can be skewered only so much before it finally clucks. From tempura covered shoes to, scars, near amputated digits, Bhagara Masala aprons and puttanesca dreams. My rides just begun.
My expectations may sometimes be followed by a sharp screech and a double helping of “DOH” oh so beautifully deboned by reality but that’s never doused the flame just got it brighter.
The choice is yours you can Dine or Hide.