Helping others experience a more intimate relationship with God

Why Am I Loved and Important?

I am currently having published a book I have written called Transforming Love. In the book I indicate that none of us were raised in a perfect environment of unconditional love, acceptance and worth. In addition, we have an old nature that often misinterprets and disregards receiving love and worth as free gifts from first our parents and later from God.

Because these needs were so important to us as children, we devised many strategies to earn love and worth because we couldn’t depend on having these needs met by our parents by just being “little old me.”

Recently, the editor of my book objected to the bold statement I made that we all have devised false ways to be important and be loved that leave God out of our lives. He thought that I was projecting my experience onto others. He implied that some of us have few, if any, false ways to be loved and important.

Certainly he would agree that if we have come from a dysfunctional home, we probably have devised many false ways to get our needs met. These false ways will hinder us from accepting God’s love and worth as gifts.

However, even those of us who have been raised in loving homes struggle to receive God’s love and worth as gifts. Our nature is to work for love and worth. Maybe we do not struggle as much as others, but we still struggle.

For example, my wife grew up in a loving Christian home. She felt loved, accepted, and approved of to a large extent by both her parents and later God.

Yet, her parents’ and God’s approval were not enough for her. She needed more. She also believed that she needed the approval of others to deeply believe that she was loved and accepted.

As a result she became overly dependent on making people happy with her- even if it resulted in disobeying God. Eventually, she became so stressed about trying to get approval from so many people, she chose to learn to rest in God’s unchanging approval, no matter what others thought.

We often have a hard time recognizing our false dependencies. When I went to seminary and began to dig deep within myself through the leading of the Spirit, I was shocked!

I became convicted that I was often doing my own thing for God, largely in my power, for my glory much of the time.

Only the Spirit can reveal this stuff to us. Too often we think we are doing pretty good because we measure ourselves by ourselves and are without understanding (2 Corinthians 10:12). But only God can cut through our defenses and reveal what we are really like deep within. “The heart is deceitful above all else and is desperately sick, who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

Why in our right minds would we want to know our hearts? It sounds like it could result in a lot of bad news. Wouldn’t it be better to deceive ourselves into being good moralists that try to follow biblical principles in our own strength?

The biggest reason to know the truth about ourselves is that it can open us up to receive the grace of God in our lives. “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10). We can then better experience an intimate love relationship with God and receive the power to live the Christian life.

Jesus says “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free” (John 8:32). When we stay dependent on getting promotions, receiving people’s approval at all cost, and protecting a false image of ourselves, we are not free. We are not depending on God to meet our needs to be loved and important.

I challenge you to ask God today to reveal any false way that you are using to regard yourself as loved and important. Ask God to show you any person or thing you depend on for importance and love instead of what God has provided you to show his love and value for you. What did he say?