I’d rather give than receive, and forget about asking – it makes me super uncomfortable. I’d rather just do it all myself, regardless if it is practical or not. So I do it all until I can’t anymore and end up remedying the situation with a chocolate bar & cookies.

Since being pregnant – I’m offered seats on the subway and my immediate response has been: thank you, but that’s OK – i’m fine standing. I wasn’t really fine, but I just didn’t want anyone to give up something they had in order for me to have it. Eventually I started to graciously accept these offers thinking – if they really didn’t want to give their seat to me, they wouldn’t have offered.

It’s all a choice. To give, to receive, and to ask. Even if one is easier than the other.

Asking – now this is a huge hang up. I believe I should be able to do it all by myself, like superwoman, so when I can’t, or I fall short – I let that determine my self-worth. In my mind – asking for help = weakness, so I muster up every bit I have to trudge through the task ahead. That is until I can’t anymore and eat an entire bag of potato chips.

See a trend here?

With the holiday season upon us, there is a whole lot of parties, shopping, cooking, socializing, and decorating going on. A lot of us givers end up over giving and meltdowns can be plentiful – all of a sudden we are on empty but still have 50 miles to go.

Instead of constantly giving. What would happen if we received? If we asked for support? If we politely said no? If we did less? If we under-committed instead of overcommitted? Imagine the space & ease that would provide.

These are questions I’m asking myself, and trusting they will guide me into a magical, miracle filled last month of the year. May they do the same for you.

I had the distinct pleasure of spending these past two Saturdays celebrating with a whole crew of family of friends. The days were full of talking, laughing, eating, pondering, drinking, introducing old friends to new friends and connecting.

When the day was over I picked up my phone and opened back into the world of Instagram & Facebook. I usually use these apps as a primary form of connecting with others but after connecting with real people, this felt secondary and I didn’t seem to care the way I usually do.

Yet on a day to day basis that is the thing I do constantly, checking in with people’s updates – often with the intention of wanting to feel connected, but more often than not – feeling disconnected, not good enough, interesting enough, clever enough, successful enough, etc – and feeling like I never will be. I compare, and I let my value be determined by the amounts of likes or comments I get. Like if you can relate! ;)

I login in an attempt to connect, but also to disengage, distract, and fill up any empty spaces. But I’m starting to wonder what would happen if I allowed moments of nothing – waiting & transitional times – to get notifications and messages from myself, instead of the online world. These internal messages will ultimately guide me in my life, rather than thinking I should follow all this other input that I see.

My quality of life is very rarely drastically enhanced after scrolling through the feeds. And yet, these platforms can be so useful and have transformed the way information is shared. There is so much good, my habits recently just haven’t been so good.

I think if I set guidelines around how and when I engage – and ensuring mindfulness backs up my intake, I may have a different experience. The thing is I always try this, until one day I wake up tired and scroll through the internet before I leave for work. It’s all a process, let’s see.

Today I have made it until 5:00 pm without looking at my personal email, Facebook, & Instagram – and I am able to hear more from me.

Edible rituals can be a delight. As the temperature drops I often crave a hot cup tea or a beautifully crafted cappuccino, usually paired with some kind of sweet treat.

I woke up Sunday morning and wanted that comfy ritual, so I went to a cafe and ordered a cappuccino and a chocolate croissant. With my treats in front of me – I opened my journal and I realized I didn’t even want the coffee or croissant.

I wanted what they represented instead: leisure, relaxation, idle time, & indulgence – all so i could contemplate.

I drank the cappuccino, had a few bites of the flaky, buttery pastry, wrote in my white moleskin, and then hit the pavement – with a wrapped up half eaten chocolate croissant in my purse – onto the next thing. I was hungry for more time in that cafe, not necessarily for the treats they serve.

It was interesting to realize do I actually want what I am eating – or what it represents? Could I access that feeling in a different way?

Some examples: Do I want the freedom that exists in a bottle of beer or the irresponsibility that lies in between the crust & cheese of the pizza pie? Or can I find that elsewhere? Do I need the comfort of rich & creamy vanilla ice-cream – or would a call home, a snuggle, or hug do the trick?

Not to say cappuccinos & croissants, pizza, beer, and ice-cream are no longer in my future. For that would be a bleak future indeed. Instead I will tune into what it is I really want. And in the meantime create space for tea parties with friends, foamy cappuccinos in solitude, delectable pastries, with circular conversations, journals open, and hearts wide receiving the warmth.

We all have a pretty good sense about what we should and shouldn’t eat for our health and wellness. Eat more vegetables, eat less potato chips. Drink water, forget the soda. Cook real food, forget the packaged stuff. So then why is it so hard?

Maybe we need more information, or to look more closely at our habits and what they are telling us, or maybe there is something bigger in our life that is calling for our attention and disguising as overeating, undereating, etc. There can be a lot of reasons, and as a health coach I work with my clients to get to the root of what’s working and what’s not working.

A few months ago I was featured on bSmart and had my very first video interview. Skip ahead to 3:22 to hear about primary foods and how they can impact the choices you are making with your food.

You’ll see my eyes are blue, I permanently tilt my head (because that’s just the way I was made), and I had a pimple – blast! But I hope you gain some insight as to what it means to be well fed.

Or maybe I am aware enough to demand an increase in the quality of the food that is served in this world.

It is easy to have my ‘food snob’ preferences met while living in Brooklyn, but when I travel (which I have been doing recently) I’m not as in control of the choices I have to eat and my food snobbiness begins to surface. Here are some recent examples:

We go out for barbecue and I genuinely wonder where the meat came from. I wished with all my might that it was local, grass fed, and hormone free. Pretty sure that wasn’t the case so I turned a blind eye and ate it anyway.

I saw hot chocolate advertised outside a cafe, and dreamed of drinking a mug of thick, creamy, and rich hot chocolate made of real ingredients only to find out it was made with nesquik and milk – I politely declined, and was thankful I inquired.

While at brunch the waiter asked if I wanted orange juice. I asked if it was freshly squeezed, he replied yes, no sugar added, and poured the orange liquid from the carafe – it was from a carton. Who knows when those oranges were actually squeezed.

I’m disillusioned by supermarkets, I’m disenchanted by the dwindling quality of what can be called and referred to as food. I want to eat real food, made by real people, with real ingredients – because that is the equation for GOOD FOOD, which is what I’m all about.

Food Mantra

I’m starting to wonder if that is really such a preposterous request? Is it absurd to desire local apples that are minimally treated if not straight up organic, real chocolate made with cacao + sugar – nothing else, bread made from flour, yeast, and water – that’s it.

When these things aren’t available I eat crap and then I just end up wanting and eating more crap. I grab a bag of peanut m&ms for that 4:00 pick me up and crave more, because I’m not satisfied. My body isn’t full of real ingredients & nutrients – just fake stuff trying to appear as real food, made by machines & labs rather than people.

So if you find yourself making ‘bad’ choices, give yourself a break. With all the chemicals and additives it’s very hard not to be addicted to all this junk. Instead add in some real food (veggies, fruits, beans, grains, etc), and see what happens. Your body will begin to crave REAL food and it will feel so good.

vibrant veggies

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
(just remember to love food that loves you too!)