Man’s 8-Month Erection Is Even More Ridiculous Than It Sounds

A 44-year-old truck driver from Newark, Delaware named Daniel Metzgar has gone to court seeking unspecified damages after a botched penile implant in 2009 left him with a woody that lasted eight months. That’s right – his stiffie almost went full term.

The boner proved so problematic Metzgar even had trouble getting his newspaper in the morning, which is ridiculous, because who the hell still gets a newspaper.

After the surgery, Metzgar’s scrotum ballooned to the size of a volleyball, which probably made it an ordeal to get behind the wheel of his big rig. Metzgar, though, was under the impression his fun bag may enlarge like a bag of microwave popcorn, so he waited a few months before seeking help.

Metzgar, who is married, sought to have the implant removed, but he lost his insurance after the procedure and didn’t have the 10 grand needed to pay for it, which resulted in the ultimate irony: he needed to raise funds so he could stop raising his unit. Kickstarter?

He wound up getting the device removed in 2010 after his scrotum burst during a family trip to Niagara Falls (and you thought the most embarrassing thing your dad did on vacation was wear socks and sandals). He has since gotten a different device, but the damage has been done. Scars from the initial procedure have made his winkie half as big and he claims he no longer gets the same pleasure he once did.

While testifying, Metzgar proved his ‘nads are as big as his third leg was when he said, “I could hardly dance, with an erection poking my partner.” And his other gem: “It’s not something you want to bring out at parties and show to friends.”

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