A youth sports blog written by Bob Cook. He's contributed to NBCSports.com, or MSNBC.com, if you prefer. He’s delivered sports commentaries for All Things Considered. For three years he wrote the weekly “Kick Out the Sports!” column for Flak Magazine.
Most importantly for this blog, Bob is a father of four who is in the throes of being a sports parent, a youth coach and a youth sports economy stimulator in an inner-ring suburb of Chicago. He reserves the right to change names to protect the innocent and the extremely, extremely guilty.
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If NFL Players Say They're Gay, Youth Coaches Will Have To Rethink 'Manliness'

Kids on the sidelines during the pre-game ceremony at an NFL football game between the Miami Dolphins and New York Jets, Sunday, Sept. 23, 2012 in Miami. (Credit: AP)

It seems like the question regarding whether a male athlete in a major pro sport will come out as gay is when, not if. In the last few weeks, CBSSports.com has reported that at least one pro football player would be coming out, the president of the NFL’s players union has said his group is “prepping” for an openly gay player, and, in an interview with the Baltimore Sun, recently released Ravens player (and marriage-equality activist) Brendon Ayanbadejo said groundwork is being laid for up to four players to come out simultaneously. If that happens, the definition of what makes someone “manly” in sport is going to be in for some adjustment.

“I think it will happen sooner than you think,” Ayanbadejo said. “We’re in talks with a handful of players who are considering it. There are up to four players being talked to right now and they’re trying to be organized so they can come out on the same day together. It would make a major splash and take the pressure off one guy. It would be a monumental day if a handful or a few guys come out.

“Of course, there would be backlash. If they could share the backlash, it would be more positive. It’s cool. It’s exciting. We’re in talks with a few guys who are considering it. The NFL and organizations are already being proactive and open if a player does it and if something negative happens. We’ll see what happens.”

In dribs and drabs, former players and other men (including at least one pro bowler) in the sporting world have come out. Leagues have gotten more comfortable with the concept of homosexuality, as have their players, who have been more open about their support of LGBT-related initiatives. At least publicly, leagues and teams are acting less kindly than they used to toward anyone associated with being anti-gay. Look at San Francisco 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver, widely reviled by the public and his own team for a radio interview before the Super Bowl in which he declared: “Ain’t got no gay people on the team. They gotta get up outta here if they do. Can’t be with that sweet stuff … Can’t be … in the locker room, nah.” (Culliver underwent sensitivity traning and is now volunteering with an LGBT youth support group.)

And yet, while it appears it’s going to happen someday, no one has come out. I’ve said previously that the issue may be not merely the feared negative attention, but the attention in general that would come from being major sports’ first actively playing gay man. If, indeed, there are multiple players on multiple teams coming out in a coordinated effort — one that is likely to include discussions with management, coaches and teammates about how to handle the media attention — then that at least spreads the impact so only one player isn’t feeling the full effect of being the First Gay.

No doubt, boys who join organized sports learn a lot there about what it means to be masculine. But they also learn that pretty much every they go. That’s part of growing up. In sports, the messages are often more explicit. As demonstrated, for example, by former Rutgers basketball coach Mike Rice.

At least in the kindergarten-to-eighth-grade levels I’ve coached, the issue isn’t so much that coaches outright use gay slurs on their players. However, I have heard coaches (and, more often, parents) denigrate boys with other threats to manliness, such as, um, being the personification of having female parts. (For a more vulgar take regarding my thoughts on this, go here.) I think that use is part of an overall message that if you aren’t the toughest, knuckle-draggingest dude around, you’re someone less than male. You don’t have to use slurs to build up an anti-gay message directed at boys.

I want to note that such talk and behavior dosen’t represent the majority of coaches and parents with whom I’ve come into contact. As former NFL players — and, now, out gay man — Wade Davis said an interview with the site The Feminist Wire, while he certainly ran into plenty of people in sports who had a “narrow” definition of masculinity, there also has been progress on all levels:

Yes, there are non-athletes and athletes who conflate masculinity with athletics, but I think the narrative is changing and athletes, in private, are having important conversations about redefining masculinity and manhood. And, yes, they may have a ways to go, but so does the rest of society. I don’t believe athletes, in this day and age, are given enough credit. They understand the world around them and are doing more to reach across the aisle to work with people who may identity differently.

By any poll, people younger than 30 are overwhelmingly supportive of same-sex marriage. My kids are much more likely to know classmates who are openly gay than I was in the 1980s. (Actually, infinitely more likely.) For younger people, the idea of someone being gay is not the issue it was for their parents and grandparents. Any major, active, male pro sports figure coming out as a gay will be a big deal, but for my kids’ generation it’ll be less about the shock of, “Wow! An athlete is gay!” and more about the recognition of, “Yeah, an athlete is gay, too.” (I don’t want to make it sound like every person under 30 would react this way, or that every high school is safe at all times for gay youth. I’m just trying to compare it with, say, what life was like at a suburban Midwest high school during the AIDS epidemic.)

So, youth coaches are already very likely to have an audience of kids who are growing up with a more expansive defintion of masculinity. If NFL players do come out as gay, that should push any youth coach with a narrow definition to open his (or her) mind to the possibility that there is more than one path to be a tough, male athlete. That, in fact, it’s not the gay NFL player who looks ridiculous for redefining what it means to be a male pro athlete — it’s the coach who looks ridiculous for trying to enforce an old, dated definition.

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Just because you don’t’ think its wrong, doesn’t make it right. I have nothing against gays but I am sure not going to teach kids that its good and ok to be gay. You wanna be gay, then be gay, but don’t teach kids that its a good thing.

OMFG do you realize how stupid you sound? You might as well say” “People who think chicken soup tastes good should not be allowed to come within a certain amount of feet within a vegetarian because it infringes upon his or her belief that animals should not be killed for food.” … “Yep if chicken soup tastes good to you then you are infringing upon a vegetarians’ rights.” You unintellegent homophobic Bible thumpers need to hurry up and give up that rhythmical beat in your supposedly hearts that you have.

I used to not have a problem with gays until the gays wanted to start shoving it down everybody throats. And now if you voice your opinion against them they label you as “uneducated, stupid, bible thumper, bigot, hater, and wrong”. And the gays trying to ruin businesses and organizations.

A drug addict can justify his addiction and argue that its ok, but I sure wouldn’t want them teaching that to our kids. Any one can argue that anything is ok. Thats their opinion. Everyone has an opinion

I don’t hate gays, I have some friends that are gay. But I will never agree that its OK. When it comes to teaching our kids is where I have the problem. I do agree with teaching kids that its wrong to treat them differently. Nothing anyone says can make me change my mind. I don’t even have a problem with gay marriage.

How can anyone say that homosexuality isn’t always a choice, from the point you are old enough to know right from wrong, you then have a CHOICE to decide how the rest of your life will be. Parents are to protect their children, keep them safe, provide for them and love them. Sports are suppose to be fun for kids to teach them sportsmanship not to be about sexual preference. @Taylor everyone has different Bible beliefs, but if you’ve read the Bible and truly comprehended it you would know it doesn’t mention anywhere that its right.@ucantserious I totally agree with you, especially about teaching the kids, let them be KIDS, enjoy life and have fun.

Yes, I roll my “log” every chance i get. Makes no difference to me just as long as it is being rolled. Frankly, it is not so much about the rolling of the log, as it is about opening a path down a least traveled road that others are yearning to take. Thanks to your effort and others, we each roll it as best we can.

You’re right — it shouldn’t matter. But it does, to many people. And listen to how some coaches talk — their view of motivation is denigrating any male who dosen’t mean a certain standard of “manliness,” one that most definitely does not include an attraction to men.