br u ne t te d ol l

Thursday, April 26, 2007

communication between people is impossible. all people learn language individually. nobody taught me, or any person, language. language suddenly appears, spoken, in children. parents, when they parrot words at children, do not teach children language. language is genetic. the structures of language are already in our brains. all languages use similar structures. humans may learn which words to associate w/ which structures through hearing, but it is not taught.

each person has an individual language which is completely unique w/ individual associations for all words. i'm color blind. when i was young i felt that i shouldn't be judged 'color-blind' & that really these other people were 'color-blind'. i can see colors. my perception of of colors & their associated names is genetically different. i think language is the same. each person has individual language so 'real' communication b/w two people [or more] is impossible. two people can't think the same thought, or directly communicate a thought so perfectly that the other communicator [interlocutor?] thinks the same thought.

this is why cliches are important. cliches aid in person to person communication. the impossibility of communication causes, in my opinion & experience, anxiety & stress. someone says to me, 'i think peeing is an inherently political act'. i become anxious. i don't know how to answer. cliches lessen this anxiety & stress. cliches are culturally agreed upon phrases to express simple ideas [still impossible to communicate exactly]. if i possess a command of cliche, i can easily answer something like, 'tmi: too much information' or something equally boring, unoriginal, & a-unique.

the stress & anxiety produced from attempts at communication, i think, lead to violence. example: i was maybe twenty-three, at a bar w/ some friends. i shake my head about something. guy says, 'you shake your head at me?'-makes fists. the shaking of my head meant something specific to him. i say, 'maybe i shook my head, but it wasn't at you.' he says, 'you shake your head at me...'-adlibs something about causing physical pain.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

i'm reading 14 Stories by Stephen Dixon. i like the first three stories pretty well and i think i enjoy how dixon seems to write from the point of view of someone very obsessed. it reads very thought-like sometimes.

i'm listening to hip hop daily. when i was young i loved hip hop and mainly listened to 2 short, nwa, ice cube, snoop, and kid & play for some reason. now i listen to the geto boys a lot and a little jay-z, a lot of just what i'd consider pop music now because i think any music designed for popular consumption must generally be pop-music.

trailer park was next to echo lake & on the grass in front of the lake we played a lot of football. when i first started playing i dropped the ball when tackled but learned to hold on to the ball. the grass was covered w/ slimy green duck shit. i was tackled in the duck shit & everyone was tackled in duck shit & we smelled like duck shit & also grass stains. also some baseball w/ tennis ball instead of baseball. playing hackey-sack w/ lowlife early twenties neighbor [we were 10-14 yrs old]. learned about sex from said neighbor. learned of said neighbor's desire for large & bouncy boobies. removing hood ornaments from cars. vandalizing cars, w/ crayons & eggs & toilet paper & stolen nail polish, etc... stealing things, candy, lighters, stickers, watches other things.

kids that were a bad influence on me:donrobbtim

name of trailer park: holiday resort trailer park - i think it used to be a vacation spot.

i was once menaced by children & told that i lived in the "projects".

i feel like this shld be good writing material but it's not it's boring.bye

I think this statement is pretty much true from my frame of reference and interesting. Everything else might be solely based on his context. Free will is an abstraction. Any argument for or against it is an abstraction. Abstractions are abstractions... It's times like these that I feel that everything is true and everything is false. Meaning is made, etc... My girlfriend hates that about me because I will argue about anything from any point of view and any context (I find it enjoyable).