6/24/2013

Roller Coaster Weekend and TTC Report

S and I had a jam-packed weekend with some ups... and some downs.

I'll get the downs over with: Sunday afternoon was pretty much all down. It had a the potential to be fun, but in reality, not so much. We took BART down to the Giant's game and had a small fight on the way. We were both stressed (he about his e-book, which is being impacted by Obama's climate change announcement, and me I don't know, maybe about the crappy weather? I was just in a mood.). It was one of those dumb little fights about something someone says that hurts the other one's feelings or "triggers" them in some way.

We got past that, exited BART, and actually had a fun little adventure riding in a behind-a-bike cart to the stadium. Once we sat down, things were fine for a while - drinking beer, eating hot dogs, etc. - until I said a snipey comment that got S upset again. Basically, I was a little irritable to begin with, as mentioned, and S was in his "jovial" social mode - which is great, but yesterday was just making me more irritable, I'm embarrassed to admit.

So, when S mentioned in conversation with his brother that I had been in the marching band in high school, I said something like, "That's a random comment!" S was just trying to be nice and give me kudos, but my snipey self popped out. I immediately apologized quietly to him and tried to smooth it over, but he was bothered and then brought it up again about 45 minutes later. I thought at that point we had moved past it, so I was upset to learn he'd been stewing on it for so long. Then, because people returned to their seats, we sat there in tension for a while before finally having an opportunity to talk about it again. It just sucked to be in an already somewhat tense situation hanging out with family members I don't know well, and then to have S mad at me. I ended up losing it and crying when we were almost home.

We did have a good conversation about it, which is something I really value about S and I (our ability to talk things through and try to grow), but I was worn out by that point. Unfortunately, we had to pull ourselves together and head off to an evening commitment with a group - some friends and some new acquaintances - who are talking about forming an intentional community together. I was leading exercises and basically co-facilitating, so I needed to be there. I freshened myself up a bit, grabbed some apricots off the tree for the potluck, and we headed out. It ended up being a good meeting so I'm glad we went. S and I ended the evening with some pre-O, make-up baby dancing, so the day was not a complete flop. ;-)

The ups mostly happened on Saturday: We first drove down to Santa Cruz for this event called "Woodies on the Wharf," which is a festival of old wood-paneled cars and surfboards. S's dad is actually a famous old-school surfboard maker so he was carving a board and talking to fans.

We took Zoey, which was CRAZY with that many people. At first, I was super stressed out and regretting it, but it seemed like she mellowed a lot as we went along. Our stop to eat and relax, while she was tethered to our table, helped out a lot. She greedily gulped down water - it was a hot day - and even got to meet another Boston named "Bernie." It was so cute to see them interacting, as he was older and liked meeting her but would growl a bit to put her puppy shenanigans in their place. I have to admit, it's a relief to hear that Boston's tend to settle down a bit every six months or so. I love Zoey, but she can afford some settling!

Anyway, we had a good time at the wharf, then had a beautiful drive up the coast to an activist friend's party in SF. The peeps there were generally younger, but nice, and we had a couple of drinks and snacks chatting and hanging out in the lovely little backyard. One of the guys was a skateboarder and was super impressed when he heard about S's Dad (their company made skateboards, too); I think that was a nice moment for S to answer questions and talk with him.

We headed home finally in time for me to give myself my second Menopur injection. S has helped me along, and tonight I think I'm ready to sail through it on my own. I'm using Q caps this time, which help so much! But adds a little bit in terms of needle switching. I have my next monitoring appointment on Wednesday, so fingers crossed that I have three or more lead follicles!

I guess it's clear by now that I had no cyst at the appointment on Friday. Unfortunately, not a lot of apparent antral follicles, either - maybe six - but I'm still hopeful. I apologized to the doc for being crabby on the phone about hearing the downer speech again, and he apologized, too, saying that sometimes he forgets who he's talked to about different subjects. Kinda funny.

He reiterated that there was a very low chance I could have gotten pregnant naturally, due to my curly-q cervix. He added that maybe one percent of S's swimmers might have gotten through. It's kind of sad to think back to all those months of trying naturally and how low the odds of success were. The thing is, I know a pregnancy started a couple of times, based on really clear symptoms/cycle differences, so I guess those were exceptional months of trying!

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About Me

Hi, and welcome to my blog! I'm a Bay Area woman in her forties, doing my best to live a compassionate, authentic life. This blog follows my adventures in dating, career, family, and personal and spiritual development. I like to analyze! ...but try and keep a sense of humor. This started out as a ttc blog; after stepping away for a while, I'm back on the train and re-focused on donor embryo or adoption in the near future.