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Friday, May 24, 2013

FiM Fiction Review - The Human and The Tall One

I couldn't help but notice that I have been giving out lower and lower scores as of late. I think I might just be growing a bit ill-humored and therefore more willing to burn a box of puppies. I never liked the bloody things anyways. TheMadBrony’s The Human and the Tall One has an entertaining main character that is driving force behind this story. The conversations he has with himself are hilarious and while it doesn’t express internal conflict, his multiple personalities provide very amusing commentary. However, this story is quickly weighed down by mediocre dialogue and bad characterization. Even more so, the narrative and writing need some work. This is going to be another negative review, isn't it? Yep! Onward to reviews!

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The Human and the Tall One by TheMadBrony

Cancelled (Cancelled April 30, 2012)

I've just landed in Equestria. Awesome? No not really. Especially when all the ponies don't have faces and are trying to kill me, or hurt me or something. Plus there's that weird wizard wannabe Gary-Stu guy trying to brainwash me and take over Celestia's throne for some revenge plot or something. It also doesn't help that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, but hey, at least I've got to visit my favourite ponies. Maybe I can get back home in time for tea. Mmm, shepherds pie... Read it here.

Tags: Dark, Comedy, Alternate Universe, Human

Rating: Teen

I really hate myself everytime I say this. I get it! I really do! Some people just don't have the time. Not to mention FiM Fiction writers don't get payed. The Human and the Tall One would benefit greatly from seeking out the help of an editor. I spotted several i s and quotations ending like this: ”. Honestly, I have one too! There seems an avid following of the idea the every Human in Equestria has to revolve around a Brony going to the land of flying unicorns. While The Human and Tall One follows this rule, it also introduces something to the neat equation. The main character has a multiple personality disorder which makes him an extremely comical cocktail of internal arguments. Unfortunately, the conversions are not well fleshed out so it is something that the author should invest more time into. Nevertheless, the character arguing with himself relieves the tension and the commentary delivered by his other personalities is hilarious.

The same can't be said of the canon characters however. The whole cast is out of character. Half of their lines are not something they would say in the show or are overly exaggerated elements of their character. They remind me of Pinkie Pie in the early Season One episodes. The writers obviously wanted the audience to see that Pinkie is someone who doesn’t take things too seriously. Annoyingly so, they instead made her contrast horribly with the Mane6, who understood the severity of the situation. It was not until Party of One when we saw the true extent of her character. Writers, you want to capture all of the pony’s character; not just parts of it. That brings me to my next point. The dialogue could use some polish, but keep in mind this is mostly a result of the lacking characterization. Keyword mostly. Remember I said that main character’s arguments with himself aren’t very “fleshed out?” The dialogue is mildly choppy because the conversations go from topic to topic. Yet, I wouldn't say it is not completely bad; just lacking and choppy. More than anything, it is difficult to score the perfect balance of not letting the conversations be choppy nor letting them drag on.Let me tell you about me for a second. I am easily frightened and disgusted at anything you can think of. Insects? Burn the bloody things. Slender Man? Two words: hell no. Even the idea of Slender Man prompts me to find the nearest Fluttershy plushie and prey my brains out. So I was quite surprised when The Human and the Tall One didn't exactly scare me. I have an idea why though. The tone set by the story did not establish any feeling of danger or fear. In fact, all the suspenseful moments felt a bit silly due to the fact that the characters act too comical to be under any threat. You can make a funny horror story, just remember that the tone you set will affect the horror. I sit here wondering how to conclude this review. Damn my lousy self. I've got nothing. Anyways, The Human and the Tall Onehas potential with its whole “I keep talking to my other selves” deal but can't reach its full potential unless it’s fully fleshed out and doesn’t interfere with the tone of the story. It’s also important to capture the show’s characters and put that into the dialogue. I've still got nothing. This has been Admujica and as always, thanks for reading. The Human and the Tall One gets a score of: 4.3 out of 10

Amusing main protagonist but with bad dialogue, visualization, and characterization it is a mediocre read

I've been getting some messages from some individuals wondering where is their review. Fact is, there is not a single day that I don't think about the requests queue. My number one priority is to get rid of these real life troubles to burn through more reviews. Even now it's full speed ahead and one review a week is as fast as this ship can go. So if you're one of those individuals, I ask you to wait a bit longer and thank you for your understanding. Shout-outs!

A huge shout-out to my friend, Eli Gonzales who helped me iron out all the errors in the latest Spoiler-licious-ness episode! That was a huge help buddy! Thank you to Sypher who wished me luck with the internship at the Houston Chronicle and caught one of those pesky typos!

A lot of love to the extremely awesome ShootingStar159 who wished me good luck with the internship! I absolutely loved your story! Go check it out here.