GNOMEWATCH

Hello, and welcome to GNOMEWATCH.

Here at GNOMEWATCH we are dedicated to ensuring YOUR SAFETY in the
presence of - while not malign, still really nosy and rather irritating -
GNOMES. Gnomes are (mostly) harmless and (mostly) well-meaning, but
there is just something about, say, an open tub of cinnamon butter that
your average gnome CAN NOT RESIST having a tread-through and then
leaving sticky, greasy, cinnamon-y footprints across your counter, down
your kitchen floor, up the bedroom stairs and across your duvet. It’s
not their fault - they were BORN THIS WAY.

PLEASE REMEMBER: gnomes can not help themselves - unless, of course,
one is speaking about a freshly-baked plate of brownies. THEN they’ll
help themselves - and then they’ll help themselves again. Then they’ll
ask you to put on a pot of coffee so they can help themselves to that.

IF YOU EXPERIENCE ANY UNTOWARD GNOME-BEHAVIOUR, please report it to
GNOMEWATCH AT ONCE. Please keep in mind that, while we here at
GNOMEWATCH will do everything within our earthly power to ameliorate
your run-in with the gnomes we can not be held accountable for their
behaviour. Seriously, HAVE YOU MET THESE GUYS?? THEY’RE NUTS!

Are you guys here for the conference?

Regardless, we here at GNOMEWATCH seek to provide you, the end-user
with a safe, enjoyable environment for everyone and everyGNOME
concerned. Together we will be able to…erm, what are you doing? REALLY? I
don’t think I’ve EVER seen ANYONE use a jam-spoon like that before…is
that a snail? DID YOU GET HIM DRUNK? CALVADOS?! I bought that for my
uncle’s birthday!! IT WASN’T CHEAP!! YOU PUT THAT BACK, you
three-inch-tall weirdo!! WOO, YOU LITTLE FREAKS ARE FAST! GET OUT OF MY
SATCHEL! What does a gnome want with a half-knit sock?!! GET BACK
HERE…!!

_____________________

DID YOU KNOW...

...that every 10 minutes A GNOME PEES IN A FLOWERBED?

...that every 4 out of 5 snails with a drinking problem WERE INFLUENCED BY A GNOME?

...that 80% of all socks that go missing are taken by GNOMES?

Have you seen these gnomes?

If you would like to contribute to GNOMEWATCH's efforts you may wish to join us at GNOMEWATCH HQ, aka. SpillyJane's Group on Ravelry. This is a (relatively) safe and (relatively) gnome-free (not really) space where gnome enthusiasts can discuss the little f(r)iends. GNOMEWATCH needs YOU. Please - join today.