So the right-wing freaks won’t shut their pieholes about this so-called terrible war on Christmas. Well, this Christmas, I’m joining this war so the right-wing yappers actually have something to yappity yap about. I urge everyone to replace the action figures in all nativity scenes in Oklahoma with fresh okra, corn and squash. That’s right, do it, replace the cardboard Jesi, Marys, Josephs, even the donkeys, the Wise Men, all of it, with tasty, natural vegetables, grown right here in Oklahoma. Let’s see what Fox News does with that.

In what political pundits are calling a startling move, the Oklahoma Republican Party has apparently decided to endorse Democrat Andrew Rice in his bid to unseat U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe in the 2008 election.

The state GOP recently launched a Web site that shows Rice’s commitment to social justice, fair wages and better health care for Americans. The site even runs a flattering photograph of Rice. The message here is that Rice is energetic, charismatic and ready to send Republican Inhofe, the global warming denier, into retirement.

One political observer said: “State Senator Rice looks pretty cool in his shades. I’ll vote for him on that alone.”

(2) In a 2002 Senate speech, Inhofe said, “One of the reason I believe the spiritual door [emphasis added] was opened for an attack against the United States of America is that the policy of our government has been to ask the Israelis, and demand it with pressure, not to retaliate in a significant way against the terrorist strikes that have been launched against them.”

(4) In a June 6, 2006 Senate speech, Inhofe said, “…As you see here, and I think this is maybe the most important prop [family photo] we’ll have during the entire debate, my wife and I have been married 47 years. We have 20 kids and grandkids. I’m really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we’ve never had a divorce or any kind of homosexual relationship.”

(Misterokrahead says: Tired of crazy ol’ cusses like Inhofe making Oklahoma a laughingstock throughout the nation? Click here to sign a petition urging state Sen. Andrew Rice to run against Inhofe in the 2008 election.)

Gary Jones, chairperson of the Oklahoma Republican Party, announced today the state GOP has made an offer to buy the Oklahoma Democratic Party in a deal that would be the first of its kind in the country.

Jones did not make the specific terms of the offer public, but insiders said as part of the deal the GOP would pay off the $30 debt Democrats accrued during a 1930 U.S. Senate race. Insiders say the offer also includes future vacation trips to a “free-Saddamless” Iraq for top Democratic officials. These officials would also get to attend an autograph session with former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

“For more than fifty years, the state Democrats have been associated with the blame-America-first Howard Dean scream during his presidential race in 1950,” Jones said. “This scream is out of touch with mainstream Oklahomans. In fact, this scream has rendered Democrats obsolete as a political party here in the great state of Oklahoma.”

Dean, now 137, is currently national chairperson of the Democratic Party. In 1950, he raised his voice to urge his supporters to keep fighting to get him elected president. This act created shock waves that have reverberated across Oklahoma for the past six decades.

As part of the deal, the Oklahoma Democratic Party would serve as what Jones termed “the mole-division” of the state GOP.

“The Oklahoma Democrat Party would exist in name only,” Jones said. “Progressives and liberals would be shunned from this sham party and ordered to leave the state within thirty days.”

Jones said he realizes most people think the state Democratic party is already the mole-division of the state GOP and, in general, no longer relevant, but the “initial investment to buy the party is so miniscule it’s a joke. Let me put it this way: We think we can pick up the Democrats with only half of the petty cash in the metal box in our receptionist’s desk drawer. We can buy them and still have enough for soft drinks and pizza.”

State Democratic leaders were unavailable for comment, but insiders said they were seriously considering the offer. The $30 debt has plagued Democrats ever since their candidate Carl Snodgrass lost his bid to become senator in the infamous 1930 election. The party has been begging people to pay off this debt each election cycle since.

The Ku Klux Klan has endorsed U.S. Senator Joe Biden for president in 2008.

“We need a conservative white Democrat to run the country,” the KKK announced. “Perfect!”

Ethnic bias, according to the KKK, is party neutral.

“Joe Biden shows white Democrats how to think about them,” said the KKK in a press release. “Let’s face it. As Biden points out, they do not bathe and they do not really speak too well. Barack Obama has changed all that forever.”

Hillary Clinton and John Edwards are apparently completely in agreement with Biden when he referred to presidential candidate Obama this way:

“… you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean that’s a storybook, man.” (Wink, wink.)

According to a KKK spokesdragon, “Yeah, Obama’s the first. What’s going to happen now that they are going to be talking real good and smelling good and, like, hot? Joe’s got a plan.”

The KKK said, “We, once again, welcome future Grand Wizard Biden and the right-wing Democrats, including Hillary and Bill Clinton into the KKK fold. Biden is a true, white supremacist patriot. We especially welcome the Delaware faithful. Thank Jesus Almighty the northern Democrats are coming to their senses at last. “

“It’s my duty as `official toady’ to sort of apologize for the newspaper’s mistakes in its one-sided Iraq war coverage but at the same time allow it to continue to indoctrinate the state’s young people into the right-wing fold,” Orza said. “In the tradition of all great Oklahoma centrists, I believe progressives and liberals should be denied a voice in the state’s largest newspaper, but right-wingers should be given as much column space as possible. That’s the very definition of centrist in this state, right?”

Orza said he would work to keep The Oklahoman free of liberal voices by denouncing anyone who speaks the truth as a “left fanatic.” He especially wants to ensure Oklahoman’s young liberal and progressive thinkers realize there is no room for them here in the state.

“Get the hell out,” Orza warns young Oklahoma liberals, “or join the Republican Party. You are like rattlesnake poison. Young, educated professionals, especially liberal arts majors, are the last thing this state needs.”

As official Oklahoman toady and regular commentary writer for the Oklahoma Gazette, Orza plans to make sure progressive voices are completely silenced in the state by using his “double whammy media mojo.”

“Diversity, schmiversity” Orza quipped. “I plan to take up as much column space as I can get. What’s important to realize is that George Bush and Dick Cheney are good men with `noble intentions,’ and if you don’t believe that, you shouldn’t have a voice here. They had noble intentions. Get it. Noble. N-O-B-L-E.”