The 15 Most Ridiculous Health Products Goop Suggests You Buy

These days, Gwyneth Paltrow and her wellness brand Goop has been making headlines for all the wrong reasons. The company has tried to sell us on so many bogus claims that it’s almost hard to keep them straight. Of course, there are a select few promoted products that are much worse than others. So without further ado, here are — in no particular order — the 15 most ridiculous health products that Goop has suggested you buy. Warning: You will likely never want to purchase anything with the words “cleanse” or “detox” on the label ever again. (Especially the product on page 6, which you’ve probably seen make headlines recently.)

1. The stickers

A post shared by Body Vibes (@mybodyvibes) on May 30, 2017 at 12:01pm PDT

Yes, those stickers. The ones that put Gwyneth Paltrow and NASA in the same sentence. The story: Goop was recently promoting Body Vibes stickers, little circular stick-ons that claim to heal your body in a variety of ways, from improving sleep to curing anxiety. These Band-Aid look-alikes are supposedly “embedded with a specific combination of bio-frequencies designed to enhance and activate particular targeted systems.” Insider explains the $120 product was also supposedly made from the same material that lines NASA’s spacesuits.

We emphasize “supposedly” since a representative from NASA’s spacewalk office told Gizmodo that they “do not have any conductive carbon material lining the spacesuits.” Goop has since removed the NASA claims from their website, and Body Vibes has issued a statement calling the whole fiasco a “communication error,” although they appear to still stand behind their magic stickers.

2. Goop-approved sunscreen

A post shared by Naturopathica (@naturopathica) on Jun 15, 2017 at 1:38pm PDT

Goop didn’t just say sunscreens like Naturopathica’s options were superior to the competition — they went for the jugular and claimed your drugstore sunblock is bad for you. An article on Goop’s website entitled “The Basics of Clean SPF” goes on a long rant about the differences between “mineral” and “chemical” sunscreens. It pontificates that run-of-the-mill chemical sunblocks “cause problems in your skin by increasing inflammation — the root cause of most aging.” Oh, and that Goop’s “mineral or physical sunblocks are without a doubt the most effective anti-aging creams on the planet.”

For starters, there is no proof that sunscreen purchased at a drugstore ages your skin faster. Nor is there proof Goop’s picks will make your skin age like Benjamin Button. To make matters worse, Paltrow admitted in an interview that she lays in the sun sans SPF.

Let’s get something very clear: A moisturizer that you can dip french fries in should be an instant turn-off. Yet this is how Goop has promoted its illustrious skin care line. While having a good skin care regimen is fantastic, buyers should still think twice before forking over mountains of dough for Paltrow’s cultivated line, because there is a very strong chance that these all-natural face products won’t work on everyone’s skin. Plus, the Goop skin care products are some of the most expensive on the website. The eye cream alone costs $90 — and that’s on the low end of the price spectrum.

Next: The ridiculous ingredients that Goop thinks should be in your smoothies.

Like the detox menu, Goop’s drink and smoothie plan has a long list of hard-to-find ingredients that cost you a good chunk of your paycheck. Every seemingly slurp-worthy drink consists of at least one obscure ingredient, from smoothies needing bee pollen or rose petal jam, to a chai that calls for activated charcoal.

This should be a no-brainer. If you are on a smoothie or juice kick, go for products that aren’t going to ruin your wallet. It just isn’t worth it, no matter what Paltrow and her Goop friends say.

Next: A towel that Goop claims is better than all others. But is it?

5. Charcoal body scrub towels

We doubt you need charcoal in your towels. | iStock.com

Among the bevy of wonder products that Goop hangs the term “detox” on, is a drab looking bathroom towel. Yes, a towel. The body scrub towel, as it’s called, supposedly “removes toxins and oils from the skin thanks to an infusion of Binchotan charcoal.” It’s no surprise that Goop hopped on the charcoal train, as it’s about as trendy as things get.

But the Daily Mail says the intrigue around charcoal and it’s supposedly great properties is mostly hype. Even if Goop’s claim about the towel pulling extra toxins out of your skin is true, that means you are left with an oily, toxin-filled towel that you have to wash more often. And unless Goop is also going to do your laundry for you, there isn’t much upside.

Next: The little green stone that has Goop’s critics lifting their eyebrows.

6. The jade egg

You’re supposed to stick that where?! | iStock.com/VvoeVale

Paltrow and the Goop crew have made some very bizarre claims involving vaginas. One of the most ridiculous, and most well-known, was the claim that sticking a jade egg up your hooha cleanses your reproductive organs and makes sex better. The site even got a “beauty guru/healer/inspiration/friend” named Shiva Rose to answer a stuffy Q&A to promote all the supposed benefits of doing Kegels with the little green rock. But experts told Health that there is no research to back up the website’s claims. Plus, there is also the risk of the egg getting stuck, and the vaginal wall can be scratched while trying to retrieve it.

Next: Get ready to spend $500 at the grocery store following Goop’s detox plan.

7. The shopping list for the ‘yearly detox plan’

Of course the site has created a menu of foods they think you should be eating! Enter the Goop detox plan, an annual menu featuring a list of all the foods you aren’t allowed to eat, and a pre-made menu that’s supposed to help you detox from the holidays.

For starters, the foods and ingredients are expensive. Then, there are the claims that contradict other parts of the website. Like the “no dairy” rule, which is clearly contradicted by the goat milk cleanse. But one of the most ridiculous rules of the detox is that you have to cut out nightshades — think tomatoes, eggplants, and peppers — because they are inflammatory foods. As mindbodygreen explains, nightshades contain anti-inflammatory compounds. You’re better off following a completely different meal plan all together.

Next: A product Goop thinks you should put in your latte. But is it safe?

8. Reishi powder

That mushroom sure doesn’t look like something that is good to eat. | iStock.com/Songsak Paname

It’s easy to get fooled by herbs and ingredients with fancy names, especially ones boasting claims that they are super good for you. Goop does this on multiple occasions, and often recommends compounds that are not safe to ingest in large quantities. One of these is reishi, which Goop lists as an ingredient in their latte recipe.

While reishi mushroom has been linked to helping the immune system, it can also be dangerous. WebMD explains that ingesting reishi in powdered form — how Goop lists it on their website — for more than a month is linked to scary side effects, such as liver toxicity and excessive bleeding.

Sex sells, and Goop is trying to get costumers to pay a pretty penny for it. Sun Potion Mason Pine Pollen, sold for $55 a bottle, is a great example. But like almost every other product on this list, the claims that Goop has made about this potency potion cannot be backed up. Refinery 29 points out that there’s nothing supporting the idea that pine pollen has any sexual health benefits. If anything, consumers should be wary since such a supplement isn’t regulated by the FDA.

Next: A vitamin pack that is more dangerous than Goop wants you to believe.

10. ‘Why Am I So Effing Tired?’ supplements

Think before you pop a pill that doesn’t have much medical support behind it. | iStock.com/MILANTE

One of the most notorious supplement packs in the Goop arsenal is “Why am I So Effing Tired?” As you might expect from the name, this variety pack claims to help re-energize an overly stressed and taxed body. It mixes B vitamins and derivatives of the ancient Indian holistic practice Ayurveda to help you find some sense of inner balance.

Despite being around for thousands of years, there isn’t much evidence to support any claims made by Ayurvedic supplements. The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health adds that these supplements can contain dangerous levels of heavy metals, and can react negatively when taken with other substances.

Next: This isn’t the end of questionable supplements.

11. ‘Balls In The Air’ supplements

Supplements can be dangerous — no matter what fancy name Goop gives them. | iStock.com

Goop’s wellness hub boasts many interesting mixes of supplements. Many of them, if you read up on the ingredients, can actually do you more harm than good. One eyebrow-raising pack, called “Balls In The Air” claims to give you extra boosts of energy throughout your day by boosting the body’s levels of glutathione. The Goop site calls glutathione, which is produced in the liver, a detoxifier. But one Insider writer recently took a deep dive and tried the supplements for a week, only to emerge with bizarre side effects.

So what is that stuff? As WebMD explains, glutathione is most commonly used intravenously for reducing the side effects of chemotherapy in cancer patients, or taken orally for cataracts and glaucoma, among other things. Beyond that, there is little research to support that ingesting it will do any good. However, as the Insider article chronicles, you could experience negative effects, such as severe headaches once you stop taking the supplements.

Next: Paltrow and Goop spoke highly of this cleanse. But their health claims are far from true.

12. Goat milk

A little goat milk is tasty. But making it a diet staple? That’s just not smart. | Double Eleven

This is a product not found on the Goop website. It is, however, the focal point of one of the website’s many bonkers Q&A sessions. In this episode, a guest goes on a long adage about how parasites are so incredibly common in our bodies, and that the best way to cleanse is to do an eight-day detox consisting of just goat milk.

Next: They say this supplement pack speeds up your metabolism. But does it really?

13. ‘High School Genes’ supplements

We doubt these pills can turn back time. | iStock.com/Valentina_G

Goop’s medicine cabinet also includes a regimen claiming to help women of a certain age regain their metabolism. The site touts this wellness regimen as being specifically formulated for women “in a perimenopausal or postmenopausal state.”

The first red flag here is that Goop says nothing at all about what is actually in the $75-per-month vitamin pack. The second is the realization, via Business Insider, that there isn’t any proof the mix of supplements has any effect on your overall wellness. Long story short, claims that these supplements are going to get you back into your skinny jeans are bogus.

Next: The claim that you can smell your way to a higher level of wellness.

14. The fragrance candle

While not exactly a health product, Goop’s website claims their all-natural scented candle possesses “the power to entrance, heal, and transform.” The smell of this $72 wonder flame is characterized as snow, cypress smoke, and something called “sensual quiet.”

As you might have already guessed, no, smelling a candle cannot heal and transform you. While the ingredients in this candle might be safer than those found in other scented candles, it isn’t going to do anything more than smell nice.

Next: The event that put Paltrow, Goop, and all their crazy health claims into one place.

15. A ticket to the Goop health summit

One of the most overblown and over-priced things sold on the Goop site is access to Paltrow’s wellness summit, which took place in Los Angeles. The big to-do, entitled “In Goop Health,” promised to be a day filled with “panels, keynotes, and interactive sessions.”

According to a review of the event in the New York Post, there was little more to do but waste time and money. The summit, reportedly set up in a parking lot, featured drawn-out panels with awkward Q&A sessions and tents full of overly-priced swag. And the $500 ticket cost and sitting through many hours of weird panels wasn’t enough to buy cocktail time with the hostess herself. Goop has promoted many ridiculous things, and a wacky summit just might take the cake.