Getting On My Soapbox Via An Open Letter to My Mouth Sore

Hey Wednesday. Nice to see you.

I'm a bit disoriented this morning and don't quite know what to blog about. Do I write about our family's experience at field day last week....or lament over my end to breastfeeding...or describe how exciting the Taylor Swift concert was? The latter would probably be most interesting, but I'll save that for another day...but here's a little teaser of last night:

{before Taylor came on}

No. I don't have the energy or brain power this morning. We got home around mid-night, with a bedtime around 1am after I filled in my husband on all the details. I told my girls they didn't have to go to school today and to sleep at late as they could.

Well, thankfully they're still sleeping, but Little Miss Three Year Old has an early call-time, so no sleeping-in for this Momma. Hence the disorientation. I couldn't figure out why Curious George wasn't on T.V. Surely it was already 8am, right? The sun was fully up for heavens sake. Nope.

This really isn't a moral or political issue on which I can stomp my foot and make my compelling stance....but it's something I can get heated about. And tell of my off my mouth for that matter.

You see, I get canker sores horribly. If I get any laceration in my mouth (i.e. biting my cheek), it will turn into a full-fledged ulcer. And I'm not talking about those little ones that go away in a few days. These are monstrosities of sores that last for at least two weeks. Two weeks of torture. I'm not even exaggerating...I have scars in my mouth from them.

I can rant so freshly about this because I'm currently in the middle of one. Actually two sores that grew into one. But it's kind of like childbirth....I don't remember just how bad it is when I don't have one. So I'm taking advantage of the passionate disdain I have for these suckers and letting them have it!

Dear Canker Sores:

You suck. I don't know why you never visited when I was pregnant, but it makes me think you take advantage of either my hormones or immune system. Either way, that's playing dirty.

You make my life miserable. I can't eat, speak properly, smile, exercise, or be a nice human to my family. Not only do you take advantage of any little accidental bite that happens in my mouth, you run with it. Again...playing dirty.

I got to hand it to you though, you're quite relentless not allowing anything get in the way of your goal. You seem to withstand any and everything I throw at you:

Saltwater, Hydrogen Peroxide, medicated swabs, changing my toothpaste, Kanka, medicated patches, vitamin E oil, tea tree oil, Lysine, and the list could go on. I've even had you cauterized to no avail. Really, do you have an Achilles Heel?!?!?

I want you out of my life forever. Ever. Ever. What do I have to do to make that a reality? Seriously, I'll write the check right now...name your price. Just don't come back in my life again. You'd better not. And you can take that as a threat. A promise. A promise to what, I don't know....but something really awful just like you.

You get me, Canker Sore?

Seriously not kidding,

The Mrs. & The Momma

p.s. Because I realize how negative all the above sounds and because I truly am just an optimist with mouth sores, I guess I could find some silver lining to you, Cank.

1.) You make my face and lips swell up that one of my friends thought I got lip injections...on second thought, I don't think that was a compliment, but I'll take it.

2.) As my husband equated it to "The Devil Wears Prada"...I'm just one canker sore away from my goal weight. (No, that's not an invitation to visit again.) I guess maybe I've dropped a couple of pounds...but it's not a price I'm willing to pay again. But I'll take it as some satisfaction in my pants fitting more comfortably.

In related news, if you have any suggestions, tips, medical advice, want to get on your own soapbox, or can commiserate with me....feel free to leave them in the comments below. I'm desperate. Send help and vicodin.

So I'm not the only one? I don't get cankers too often but when I do it's a massive break out. Each individual one only lasts for about 4 days but I get two or more at a time and they come right on top of each other for about two to three weeks straight. Always been that way. So painful I have to anbesol them up every time I get ready to eat. I've looked into lots of reasons canker sores might happen but none of them seem to correlate to my outbreaks.

Lately everyone seems to be blogging about seeing Taylor Swift in concert, I know I'm not a preteen or child but I couldn't be more jealous. I love Taylor! As for caker sores, yuck! They are the worst!! I can totally feel your pain! My boyfriend uses cayenne pepper powder on them but it seems a little bit too burn-y to me!xxooJordynwww.thefairyproncessdiaries.com

Hey Kristen, I too suffer from canker sores. Have you ever tried Biotene toothpaste? It doesn't have the sodium, something, something (can't remember the scientific name) that makes the toothpaste foam. Also, my husband read that coconut milk helps keep them at bay. Since he told me, I have made a blueberry and coconut smoothie everyday and I have to say it really has helped. I didn't get them while I was pregnant either...I thought that was bizarre because I am prone to one or two every couple of months. Best of luck!

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