Saturday, March 24, 2007

My Charity Is Bigger Than Your Charity

As the world already knows, Angelina Jolie has recently pretended to be 'single' so as to be able to legally adopt another little kiddie from a foreign country, in her quest to buy at least one needy child every time she goes to the supermarket.... Jolie has been quoted as saying: "I will stay at home to help Pax adjust to his new life. I have four children and caring for them is the most important thing for me at the moment. I am very proud and happy to be their mother … Photographs and press coverage will make (Pax) upset. I'm very worried about that. I would like to say I'm sorry for bringing this into Pax's life." - Caz

Maybe she should adopt off the biological child, would probably have a much better childhood that way. - Chazz.

Every day, from all four-corners of Hollywood, children are suffering. Wretched souls have been plucked from out of poverty in deepest Africa or Asia or somewhere like that, and are made to suffer in the cold, harsh glare of the media. And their number is growing every day: as Hollywood celebrities become richer, so their desire to 'save' these children from their happy, primitive existence increases.

How often have you said to yourself: the problem is so big? What can I do to help?

Well, now you can help: by donating to the

SAVE THE CHILDREN FROM CELEBRITIES FUND(SCFCF)

We are a world-wide fund devoted to rescuing children all over Hollywood from the clutches of their celebrity mothers and fathers. By donating as little as 10 cents a day, you can help to rescue a suffering child and return them to their native country.

Tibor's StoryMy adoptive mother had the biggest breasts in all of Hollywood, and I used to own a Ferrari and several mansions in Italy. Thank you, SCFCF, for freeing me from all this. No, really. Thank you.

With larger donations, we will be able to rescue the biological children of celebrities and return them to simpler, more noble ways of life.

Matik's StoryI ate mud pies for breakfast and I will eat mud pies for dinner. Thanks a f*cking lot, SCFCF.

The SCFCF also plans to sterilise large parts of Asia and Africa (and possibly Alabama and Australia, also) in order to ensure that celebrities never again are tempted to 'rescue' children from poverty.

Mbofo's StoryNo! I don't want to go! I like it here! I like being photographed! I like my mummy! Don't take me back there! My brother works in a sweat shop! Waaaaaaah!

Please. Think of the children.

Sarai's StoryI hate it here. You guys really are a bunch of arseholes, you know that?