RIAA Sues Mirror Manufacturers

Los Angeles - Calling them promoters of soul stealing the RIAA filed
suit today against the mirror manufacturing industry seeking damages
of more than $12 billion. "These soul pirates must be
stopped," said RIAA President and CEO Hilary Rosen, "The
only purpose of their product is to steal the soul of our musicians,
only the RIAA has that right."

The lawsuit was a hot topic on internet
message boards. One poster on the Napster board wrote, "They
can't stop us, it's too late, if they ban mirrors we'll use spoons,
ban spoons we'll use tin foil, ban tin foil we'll use shiny black
CD covers. It's not the middle ages anymore, the technology
is moving too quickly for them to keep up."

The members of Metallica, who have banned mirrors and shiny objects
at their Summer Sanitarium tour, feel this is a worse threat than
Napster. Lars Ulrich said, "I just learned about this
soul stealing technology from our managers. Stealing our music
is one thing, stealing our souls is quite another. Being soulless
has its advantages, but as an artist I want to have control over
what happens to my soul."

Other artists such as Michael Bolton and Celine Dion aren't as worried,
saying they have been producing music without a soul for years now.

In addition to their lawsuit the RIAA also began lobbying for legislation
that would require all mirrors to be equipped with soul-blocking
technology. "This soul-blocking technology would make
the mirror non-reflective," said Smith Mirrors CEO Thomas Hanlon. "It's
ridiculous, our product would be useless and we'd be driven out of
business."