1st female bishop appointed, then shown where the kettle is

Vicar Reverend Libby Lane, the Church of England’s first female bishop, has today been welcomed to the job by the Archbishop of Canterbury, and handed a very pretty pinny.

Archbishop Justin Welby said “We are absolutely delighted that Libby has joined the big boys gang. Now everyone can see how modern the church actually is.

“Also we’ve finally got someone to make the tea, do the hoovering, and type the letters. And of course poor old Bath & Wells won’t have to wear the bra and panties on Poker night anymore.”

A Lambeth Palace source confirmed that, contrary to many people’s prior fears, the appointment of Libby Lane has not yet caused God to “throw a wobbly and smite the UK with plagues of budgies or something.

“Also, we made the announcement hours ago, and she still hasn’t bled all over the place yet, so it looks like that one was a fuss over nothing as well.”

The appointment of a female bishop is widely believed to have dragged the church right into the 19th century, when even Oxford University grudgingly let women in.

The Church has been quick to defend itself from accusations of curmudgeonliness however, pointing out that the CofE is relatively pleasant as religions go.

Archbishop Welby said “At least our fanatics are just harmlessly insane snobs arguing over whose turn it is to do the flowers, and not thugs massacring school-children with assault rifles.”