Fifty-ishly Unvarnished

There are a few things you need to know about me. I meditate. I do yoga. I drink. I swear. I do not do drugs. I like animals and I wear fur. I eat meat. In fact, I like to eat. I am not a tree-hugger or a bible-thumper. I use real vocabulary words when I speak and write. I am a recipe of contrasts, similes and metaphors.

I am fifty-ishly frank about a lot of things. Hang on, I am having a power-surge over here.

It took me decades to get here and I am not turning back. I cannot turn back the clock. Amen to that sisters and brothers. We can only move forward. At least the smart ones do.

I am indebted to my word nanny, I mean editor, who helps keep my “penwomanship” on the straight and narrow. Melody is the sweet tune that helps me stay on key.

I am smart. I am sassy. I have had my ass kicked by life and I have the cellulite on it to prove it.

There is nothing gray about the 50 shades of me. I spent the first half-century doing this thing like a passenger on a tourist trip. I am spending the second half of it as warrior of joy galloping off into life with passion to fight the good fight as a mental mistress of my universe. I am living audaciously and bodaciously in color and out loud.

I have a master’s degree in psychology and a PhD in Real Life from the YOUniversity of no BS’in.

Let’s talk about the universe. It is a great big stew of life experiences, emotions, adventures, births, deaths and taxes. Now the YOUniverse is something else. It is the essence of the soul. The seed of the spirit and we get to make it whatever we choose. Do not be fooled by first half of life imitations. There is only one YOUniverse and you better do it right. Play by the rules, your rules.

Think kind. Be kind. Do kind. Kind and legal, a credo for a lifetime.

I like to sing. I cannot carry a tune. My kids shush me even when I hum. Pity really but I do it anyway. By the way, I cannot stand being shushed. Don’t ever shush me. Most importantly, do not ever, ever, ever allow yourself to be shushed.

I am a closet DJ. Yes, I take my badass white girl self and I mix music to celebrate milestones. Not a normal hobby for an old person. But then again, I am not normal. Nor am I really old. I create these crazy-ass mixes that tell a story and give them to the people I love. Here, take my sentiments and my heart and croon…that’s it…simply croon…use your voice and let the world know you have one whether on key or not. It does not matter. It matters that we sing. Period.

Do you howl at the moon? I do. I find it puts me in touch with my inner primate and is cathartic release for the lack of words to describe that fire in my belly. Speaking of belly, I spent the first 50 years without one. I am not going to be that lucky in the second 50. It is not how it works.

Just when we think we have our shit together we get bellies. We get whiskers. We get lines that cannot be filled by injectables. This pisses me off.

Yet as my shit has been gotten together, I go back to that voice that has barreled into midlife strong and exquisitely beautiful, even if I can’t sing.

I have found myself in the ripe juicy middle of it all. Not too hard. Not too soft. Just right and ready to savor and be savored.

50 is coming. I can see, feel, hear and taste it. Sorry peeps, 50 is not the new 30 or 40. 50 is 50. That AARP card is coming as a birthday greeting like it or not. 50 is the golden jubilee. Stand up. Own it. Dance with it in your best stilettos.

My 50th birthday gift to myself is a trip to Burning Man. A BM virgin. That’s me. I am going as a newbie filled with wonder, curiosity and delight. Why Burning Man? Why not immerse myself in a totally foreign land of music, creativity, debauchery and community built on social versus economic capital?

Currently living in Los Angeles, California, Lisa Cypers Kamen is the mother of two active children. She is philanthropically dedicated to the success of various charities related to children and military issues.

This communication is provided for education and inspiration and does not constitute mental health treatment, nor is it indicative of a private therapeutic relationship. Individuals desiring help for abuse related issues or other psychological concerns should seek out a mental health professional.