Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Ginormica LIVES

I've been avoiding blogging, because if I blog, it's proof I'm alive, and if I'm alive then I have to actually read my email and feel guilty for not answering it in a more timely-like fashion, and if I feel guilty then I have to eat more chocolate, and if I eat more chocolate than I have already eaten I will most likely end up in a diabetic coma.

I'm finally off the cursed hormones, and I feel much more like my version of normal. The hormones not only made me crazy, they also made me narcoleptic. I was falling asleep anywhere and everywhere. While sitting at a stoplight. Standing in the grocery store looking at fruit. Typing a sentence. In the middle of saying something to my husband. I could stay awake and reasonably alert around the kids for most of the day, but by dinner time I was pretty much done. It wasn't all that uncommon for my husband to come home after work and find me dead asleep, sprawled on the hardwood floor in the kitchen, the kids running around scavenging for food and generally recreating scenes from Lord of the Flies.

I'm at that stage where nothing fits very well, but I'm still resisting maternity pants in favor of sweats and really baggy jeans. The baby is only about the size of a cantaloupe right now, but I do not let this define the size of my stomach. I like to stay ahead of the pregnancy fashion curve (why look five months pregnant when you can look seven? Tres fashion forward).

With all of my other pregnancies I've been pretty careful about gaining weight. I didn't need to be any heavier than I was already, thankyouverymuch - but this time around instead of feeling responsible and excited and careful, I've tended more towards feeling completely freaked out and a little depressed, and I ditched my usual cautionary weight gain attitude in favor of SCREW IT, pass the ice cream.

I am GINORMOUS. (We took the kids to see Monsters vs. Aliens on Saturday afternoon. The female monster's name was Susan and her monster name was Ginormica, and I decided it was probably a sign from God, telling me it was inevitable and to just go with it for a couple of months.)

I was blathering to my husband about camping this summer - maybe we could take the kids to the Grand Canyon, or maybe to Yellowstone, or - and my husband had to remind me about the baby, and the possible-but-not-certain early delivery issue. I just keep forgetting about the dang baby. I never forget the PREGNANCY, but I space the resulting baby. The reality of the baby still seems like some kind of elaborate April Fools prank.

The doctor says I should be able to carry the baby all the way through to September, or maybe August, or possibly July. She would narrow it down a little, but it all just kind of depends on "how much your uterus rips and how likely spontaneous uterine rupture looks after each visit." But she says not to worry because they'll "keep an eye out." PHEW.

The kids all mistakenly stayed home from school today. I pulled up the April school lunch menu online and it said "No School - Professional Development Day." I naively assumed this meant no school. But later, when we were driving by the school on our way to the plant nursery, and I realized that all of the other children in the universe were at school. WELL. Then I realized that it must've meant something else. Something more mysterious.

Hooky or no hooky it was a gorgeous day, and once I was done with work we spent most of the afternoon outside. We planted a few flowers and I pulled up weeds while the kids jumped on the tramp. My husband came home a little bit later and threw baseballs to the kids while I sat on the steps watching in my lazy I-don't-have-to-play-because-I'm-pregnant way. Everyone was happy, and it was one of those moments I wished I had on tape - not just because it was a happy moment, but so that in a few months I could play it back for the kids and say - SEE?!! BEFORE THIS BABY CAME, I WAS A GOOD MOTHER. IT'S ALL THE BABY'S FAULT.

(So if you were wondering if I had a plan for parenting four children, you can put those fears to rest. Clearly, I am ALL SET.)

89 comments:

How LOVELY to see you again, Sue. I sort of miss you. I've been hoping everything was going okay with the pregnancy. Now I know that it HAS BEEN!! And I'm glad you're back to the blogging world. And in such good form. (that's not a play on words. Promise)

Oh, Sue! You're a GREAT mother. I am always more likely to take my kids to school when there really is NO SCHOOL because I just CAN'T BELIEVE THE SCHOOLS WOULD DO THIS TO ME. Like, we're on Spring Break now (not to be confused with Winter Break last month) and they've done this thing where we get the Monday after Easter off. I KNOW that we have next Monday off, but that will not stop me from making lunches and taking everyone to school and then realizing that, "Oops, wishful thinking." At least you do it the other way around and have fun with your kids on an impromptu day off.

Couldn't be gladder to see you here. In my mind I had made up all sorts of horrid scenarios that would keep you from blogging but now that I know and can see for myself you're still YOU, I can go back to making up something entirely different to worry about. yay!

Sue, I am so happy to see you pop up on my reader! I'm glad to see you're doing well; keep that baby in there as long as you can! You know, since you have total control over the universe and everything. Thanks for the laughs this morning!

Yay!!! I've missed your bloggy self! I'm gld to hear that your uteris hasn't ruptured, that the baby is doing well, and that you are milking this pregnany thing to the effective level. I think you could milk it a little bit more, but that's just what I'd do :) Seriously though, you're in my prayers, Sue. hugs!

So glad you're back. And if it's any consolation, I too am pregnant with #4, and I too am ginormous. I don't know what happened to caring, and caution and weight management...I just eat whatever I can fit in my mouth. So, cheers to you, and pass the ice cream!

1. I like that one of your commenters had, oh...what did she call it? "Spare time." Ha, ha, ha!

2. Like elizasmom, I was caught by the jumping on a tramp comment. My thought though was that it was perhaps your Lord of the Flies version of teaching modesty and virtue. You know, like it's a cage fight between the LOFTL crew and Hester Prynne.

It's possible the four extra pounds I just discovered this morning after my husband's birthday weekend have all gone to my brain, encasing my neurons and stuff in fat so they don't connect and make sense any more.

Love to see you back in the saddle, so to speak! I have 5 and I know where you are girl! I didn't ever to this day voice the words "I am pregnant" to my hubby with my fourth one. Arms around me and kicking and "what was that?" probably would've been a good time to tell him. My fourth was my absolute easiest child ever! Which is why there is a fifth!

I was totally stuck on the jumpin' on the tramp as well and wondered if this was some cultural ritual. Plus, school is overrated when you can stay at home and jump on a tramp!

Glad you are well and your dr is so clear about the ripped uterus/delivery date thing. It must really put your mind at ease...ha?!

HORMONES!!!!! I got postpardem, BAD, after I had my first in the end of July last year after 38 hours of labor and an epidural that I SWORE I would not get. Then I "FAILED" at breast feeding. I took Reglan to get my milk back and it left me even more hormonaly imbalanced, and still not nursing. Soon after that I found out I have endometriosis and had appendicitis. I had to wait 20 days for surgery, so they loaded me up on pain pills. They did the surgery, gave me a shot of hormones and Reglan THAT I DID NOT AGREE TO, and I then became the most hormonal and scary person to be around in the whole world. I found your blog through friends blogs and have been anxiously awaiting your return, so that I could say, "See! I have wacky hormones too!" In my crazy mind I was hoping that would somehow comfort you and help you make it through a long hard day. :)

Welcome back, Sue! I say use this pregnancy as your final hurrah in eating everything that sounds good. You can worry about calories later. Much later. Like when #4 is ready for kindergarten and you can no longer call him (or her) the "baby."

So glad to see your post this morning-- I REALLY needed a laugh today, and now I think I want a t-shirt that says 'Ginormica' on the front. Hope that you are feeling as good as you possibly can, under the circumstances, and don't worry; you can never eat too much chocolate. I know this from experience, as I have done my own extensive research on the subject. :)

I'm so glad you're back! I've been missing you!! Thank you for allowing us to laugh at your life. It's a good thing. Seriously. It makes me better able to laugh at my own, and I need that in the worst way. :)

Welcome back, Sue! I'm like Barb up above who has set the alarm, woken up my daughter to get ready for school, packed her lunch, and driven her to a totally empty school parking lot on a day there was no school. At least you had the excuse that the calendar wasn't updated!

Yay, you're ALIVE! I came running over as soon as I saw signs of life.

I get narcoleptic on my medicine (which is how I became addicted to caffeine in all of its non tea and coffee forms). It sucks. (Does the phrase "wake me up when the light turns green" sounds scarily familiar?)

Glad you're back and doing well. You were missed...but hey, pregnancy brain will do those things to a mother. Who better to understand that than other mom-bloggers?

I was enormous with both my pregnancies (actually, still, lol. Kidding. Kinda.), but always got compliments on how radiant I looked.

I try not to take offense that my tiny sisters both had people commenting how darling their baby bumps were, because mine wasn't darling. It wasn't something I wanted hanging out there in a tight-fitting shirt, anyway.

4 can be rough - but with your sense of humor you could probably joke away some of the crazier stuff! You write like I think, and that feels like coming home - thanks for sharing - best wishes on the next few months!

Hooray! I'm so glad you're back and alive and OK and not uber-hormonal so you won't yell at me when you finally get to my email that I just know you'll answer one day so my own hormones won't make me cry for a month straight because a total stranger obviously hates me. I say again, hooray!

I'm with you on the ginormous deal. All my friends (I have a few left) say, "Oh no, Abby, you look great! You don't look like you're overdue at 4+ months pregnant at all!" LYING SACKS OF CRAP. At least every stranger I meet who asks me how far along I am and then gives me that startled creepy look reassures me that yes, all is well in Abby-looks-hugely-pregnant-land.

I'm testing to see whether I can type while leaned way back in my chair and with baby Hazel asleep on my chest -- wow, it works. It's almost as though I were still pregnant instead of nearly 6 weeks postpartum (I think that's why she likes sleeping here; the creaking of the chair is so familiar from the womb.)

When I was in labor with Hazel, I told my husband, "Even though I've been talking about this pregnancy and the baby for nine months straight, I still can't quite get it to sink in that very soon we'll have a real live baby in our home, and I still can't really picture her." (I was able to form such a complex sentence because I had an epidural this time.) He agreed that he felt the same way; that it seems almost impossible to mentally and emotionally prepare to care for a baby until the baby's actually snuggling in your arms (or screaming in your ears. In the middle of the night. Wanting to nurse for the sixth time in six hours.) (Did that get you excited for the baby to be born? I thought so.)

It's always exciting to see your blog's name in bold in Reader. (Although I was already reassured of your continuing existence/ability to type when I saw you post in the Conference thread on Segullah the other day.)

Oh, and I usually feel beautiful when I'm pregnant, at least once I get into the later stages when I'm obviously pregnant and rotund. What I hate is the stage I'm in right now, where I've already stopped losing weight (I tend to lose most of the pregnancy weight quickly and then plateau before I want to, and stay there until the baby's weaned,) and all my maternity clothes are saggy and baggy but my non-maternity clothes are too snug and skimpy. Bleagh.

You know, Sue, we all worry about being a bad mom. You just happen to have a handy my-uterus-might-be-tearing-as-we-speak excuse. So run with it. Sit on the steps and eat chocolate whenever you feel like it. I can't wait to see how much you ooh and ahh and fall in love with your completely unplanned and not exactly wished for baby.

SOOOO glad to have you back! :) I missed your writing and wit! I hope you carry that baby for as long as you can...and you sound just like the pregnant lady I was...except for ALL of me all the time said...ahhhh SCREW it!

I was just thinking about you yesterday, wondering when we'd hear from the fabulous Sue. Glad to hear you're alive and screwing the "appropriate weight gain" and not falling asleep while shredding papers. All good things.

Also loving the beautiful weather. At least you recorded the moment of familial bliss on your blog. So you do have proof.

Good to hear from you again!!! I only have one and I had the screw it attitude when i was pregnant due to the fact i still gained if i ate well, so why not enjoy it!! Good luck and the kids can act out lord of the flies....it's all part of a well rounded education(or is that reading it.......

A few things... I was starting to get worried about you (someone I don't know and yet got so used to reading about...) so it's nice to see you back and that you're "okay" :)

Also pregnant with my fourth, I DID fall asleep in front of the wood stove on the hardwood floor in the middle of the day. Nice. Just passed the 1st trimester, so I can now keep my eyes open after 3:00 and am not falling asleep on any horizontal surface that presents itself.

You are putting me to SHAME going out there and doing planting and yardwork. The leaves under my hedges have been mocking me and they win every day.

About a month ago I got up and got my kids ready for school and took them there (which I usually don't do because they ride the bus but we were running late that day, thank goodness) only to discover there wasn't school that day. Kind of the opposite of what happened to you.

Are you really FIVE months? I know you hate it when people say this but...it's going by really fast! (Probably because I'm not on hormones or worrying about my uterus spontaneously combusting)

So glad you're awake again. I bet your baby is going to be the joker of the family. And thank goodness you only expect to have your uterus rip somewhere in the vicinity of summer, that sounds specific enough to take care of. Must be a load off your mind. I LOVE those wish I had it on tape days and I wish I had them on tape too.

Just dropping in to say Hi (even though I told Melanie to tell you hi, she probably forgot!) and tell you that your last two posts made me laugh so hard! (I usually don't leave a comment because it appears you have MORE than enough!) :)

(And also, I wanted to say that I'm so glad you're taking hormones because I didn't, and I lost my last two...found out a few years later my progesterone levels were WAY TOO LOW...so hang in there, Mama!)