People who flaunt their good deeds to get out of trouble are the dregs of society.

“Look at all this Good Samaritan bullshit I’m wearing!”

Rather than wearing a suit to court, why not dig through your closet too see if you still have that t-shirt from the breast cancer walkathon you attended three years ago? Just to be safe, put on a Korean War veteran’s cap and a Livestrong bracelet. Congratulations, you’re a fully equipped Level 99 Asshole!

“It was impossible for the car to go that fast!”

BULLLLLSHIIIIIIT

“I came to a full stop and counted to three!”

BULLLLLSHIIIIIIT

“I was just keeping pace with traffic! I was singled out!”

How many times do you think someone else was singled out while you got away? Suck it up.

“It’s my first ticket!”

See above.

“The state’s just trying to make money!”

You can spend a few days in jail instead of paying a fine. It even costs the state money! Funny how nobody takes it.

“I was on my way to a funeral/soccer practice/veterinarian/etc.”

Nobody gives a shit. If you hit someone because you ran a red light, do you think they’d care where you were going?

How about writing a piece about how bogus traffic tickets are to begin with? Yeah, people bitch and moan about them, but let’s be honest… traffic tickets are bullshit and 90% of the traffic laws are bullshit (let’s continue to enforce speeds like 35 mph which were instituted before the era of automatic brakes when horse buggies ruled the roads). That 90% figure is a statistical FACT, by the way.

How many times do you think someone else was singled out while you got away? Suck it up.]

That sounds like a really shitty response, actually. I don’t even drive, but if I would, I would’ve been pissed to hear that. I know what you want to say but it comes across as shitty double standards instead. Here’s a better way (IMO) to phrase the same idea, partially stolen from Sonic Retro: