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June 03, 2011

She'll Remember Us As The Booger Family

I don't know if any of you have ever had to re-adopt your adopted kiddos, but evidently we live in a state/county that does not recognize our adoption- even though the federal government does. So essentially, if we wanted to make Miles a US citizen and legally change his birthday to make up for his huge age discrepancy we have to pay a fortune and go through a pretty ridiculous court process.

We started this process in late January. We were told it would take about 30 days. We are STILL dealing with it!!!! This week, we had to have a guardian ad litem come to our house and observe our family (much like a homestudy). She has to write a report for the judge to determine if we are a suitable family for Miles. Ummm... hello? He's already legally ours! Not to mention that we love him like crazy cakes and he's been our son for nearly a year and a half. So all in all, it is just a ridiculous, time consuming, money guzzling formality. Gotta love the government, right?

So- the guardian ad litem (who has no children) comes over and Miles is bouncing off the walls and all the kids are trying to put on a performance for her. Sadie removed her shoes mid visit and the whole house filled up with this stench that nearly knocked us all out. Miles is yelling, "I need to peep! I need to peep! I need to poooooooop" as he grabs himself and does the pee pee dance. She writes something down in her notes. The kicker was Noah- ahhhh Noah. Mid interview Noah comes into the room and starts freaking out saying, "I found the booger! I found the booger. Here mom- here's the booger!" And he hands me this:

...which is technically the gas bubbles piece from our Operation game, but it does look like boogers. He goes on to say, "I found it under the bed! And I was like, is that a real booger? And I thought it was a real booger, so I went under there to get it out! And then I realized it was the piece to our game! I found the booger!!!" He was so proud of himself. Miles came over to see what all the commotion was and he chimed in and said, "Is that you's booga mama?" She wrote some more down in her notes. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

Kamron and I just looked at each other on opposite sides of the room while this circus was going on. Our telepathic, with our eyes conversation went something like this:

Him: Can you believe this?
Me: Yes I can. This is the sort of crazy chit that happens all day long here.
Him: Why do our daughter's feet smell so bad?
Me: I know, right! I think she must have rubbed them with stinky cheese and then baked them in the sun. Please- say something about the smell so this woman doesn't think I'm passing gas next to her.

Him (out loud) You'll have to forgive our daughter's feet. I'm not sure why they stink so bad. Sadie, go put your shoes out on the porch.
She takes more notes.

Me (subliminally): Say something about the boogers. Make us seem less crazy!
Him (out loud): You'll remember us as the booger family, I guess.

She takes more notes.

Me (subliminally): Really? That's the best you could come up with?
Him (subliminally): How much can you really say about boogers?
Both of us: Is this ever going to end? How much longer can we endure this?

Eventually, the guardian ad litem finished her notes and said that she thought that she had everything that she needed. I'm fairly certain we gave her WAY more than she needed. Oh dear Lord, I'd give anything to see what that report for the judge says.

Fortunately, she missed our dinner conversation last night where we were talking about how it was only 6 weeks until we go to the beach. I casually said, "Only 6 more weeks for me to get my butt in shape." To which Noah replied, "Why are you going to get your butt shaved?"

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