Mandeep had found Lata through a common friend in Facebook. She was a student, and he worked in technical support. After two months of online chatting, he called. One more month and there they were – meeting each other for the first time at a coffee shop in some town towards the north of the country. Within the next few months Lata had got her phone confiscated by her family. They had found out.

Lata’s family tried to lure her with the hope of getting married into a rich family, but she was adamant. Her boyfriend was the only one she was ever going to marry.

Determined to escape and create a life of their own, they called the Love Commandos.*

Meet the Commandos – a group of aging journalists and businessmen based in New Delhi, who provide protection and legal assistance to couples who dare to choose each other over the diktats of their families and clans. They operate a helpline for couples under threat and requiring assistance. On receiving a call the volunteer Commandos rescue the couples and provide them temporary shelter.

I was fortunate enough to find an opportunity to chat up with the Love Commandos leadership. Here are some excerpts:

Sanjay Sachdev, Chairman, Love Commandos, Photo by Mandeep Gulia

How did Love Commandos start? What was the inspiration behind starting it?

Sanjoy Sachdev, Chairman: We had gone to Tees Hazari courts in Delhi. It was a case of son of a friend of Mr. Sonu Rangi (Presently our Commando Co-ordinator), who was in jail on charge of Rape. The girl had deposed before the magistrate that she was in love with Sanjay (accused) and even refused to undergo medical examination. She had stated that the relation was with consent but the Delhi Police had under the pressure of the family of the girl put the boy behind the bars.

We argued the case and got him bailed out the same day. We were assisted by Advocates Mr. Vinit Jain and Mr. Sanjay Kumar. While on way back Mr. Sanjay Kumar, advocate Delhi high court suggested that we should do something to stop crimes in the name of honour, as we have been having Valentine peace Commandos (helpline for couples under pressure from families and needing assistance), for 15 days a year since 2001.

After reaching back we were discussing the proposal in our core team of activists when a call from a journalist Mr. Rajiv Tyagi (Then working with Mid Day Delhi edition) came and who wanted to know our reaction on Khap dictats. We said that soon we would be converting our valentine day helpline to 24X7 helpline for lovers to combat and counter fundamentalist and orthodox dictats of Khaps and other such elements. It was while answering his queries that Mr. Harsh Malhotra (presently our Chief Co-ordinator) said finalized the name Love Commandos along with the helpline number.

Have you ever had any negative experience of your own related to any marriage against the advice of the family?

Sonu Rangi, Commando Co-ordinator: None in the members of the core team had any such experience. I’m proud to say that our parents never considered it necessary to obstruct our freedom of choosing our respective life-partners.

With the social pressures Indian rebel couples usually face, you must be receiving a considerable volume of calls. How are you handling it logistically?

The Mid Day Delhi story I just mentioned was reused by NDTV and Dainik Jagran on July 5th 2010, followed by many other TV channels and newspapers. As media coverage spread the message of the Love Commandos all across the country we started getting a huge volume of calls, starting with 7000 calls the very first day, as against our expectation of 100/200 calls a month! As you might have guessed – we didn’t have the logistical capacity to handle that kind of volumes in the beginning. Gradually we put together a network of attending the calls on same number on 12 lines by using call forward when busy to other numbers. It was getting too expensive for us. Now we have got CUG system from Reliance (As all numbers are in the 93 range), and thus been able to get operational costs (relatively) under control.

Two years into our operations we were also lucky to meet Vinay from gandhig.com who who offered us a free website which is still functioning as our official website www.lovecommandos.org. The website has been instrumental in spreading our message not only in India but to the entire international community.

In this country you may find hundreds of people donating money in the name of religion but it is tough to find people doing the same to protect the freedom of the youth.

Harsh Malhotra, Chief Co-ordinator: We are under heavy debts. We have sold out our belongings to run the Mission because in this country you may find hundreds of thousands of people donating money in the name of religion but it is tough to find people doing the same to protect the freedom of the youth of this country. We are grateful to the Journalist community. Media people, film and documentary makers from India and abroad have all contributed financially to our cause and that’s how we could maintain our operations till date. Couples who feel strongly about our cause have also extended help from time to time. Most of the couples we’ve supported are still in the process of settling down and getting their lives in order. We hope they also come back and help us whenever they’re ready.

We request the couples to bear the expenses of their lawful marriages, registration (if desired), legal applications (generally no fee is charged by our lawyers), official process for protection or rescue etc. But in many cases we end up supporting this process partially or fully, as the couples are often financially unprepared. Shelter, food, medical assistance, beddings and sometimes even clothes are totally free and are provided by us.

The couples manage cooking and cleaning of the shelters themselves, giving them an atmosphere of home away from home. They get both affection and scolding so that they can realise the difficulties of life in future.

What's your operating structure like?

Harsh Malhotra, Chief Co-ordinator: Our network of volunteers is our backbone. We have no formal structure, no records as we are missionaries, not clerks. Anyone willing to become a volunteer can fill in a simple form at www.lovecommandos.org or send an sms with his or her name and address to 09313784375.

When we get a call we search in our computer or manual records and call volunteers from the area. So far we have 11,00,000 plus intending volunteers all over the country but as we have no resources to get such a huge number of forms printed and posted there are no records.

Our experience has been that each and every volunteer had rushed at the cost of his or her life to save couples and that signifies victory of Mission Love for me. We feel that the youth needed a voice and we have become the instrument for that.

Love Commandos provides assistance to couples marrying against their families’ preferences. I understand that a large part of these couples were not accepted by their families because of being intercaste. Are there any other types of social rejection of couples that you’ve seen in your work with Love Commandos? How is each type of challenge/risk different (intercastevs inter religion vs any other type)?

Sunil Sagar, Commando Trainer: General problem is of inter caste and inter religion. However some gotra, near relative, distant relative, financial position, educational status, total opposition to martial freedom from families have also been causes and it has always been more difficult to handle such situations.

Have you ever faced opposition to your operations from clans/police/other bodies?

Govinda Expert Commando: Yes it’s very common. We have heard that many clans have announced rewards on the heads of Mr. Sachdev and Mr. Malhotra totalling to over 10 Lakh. However we never care about such unlawful opposition and continue to fight for justice to Lovers. What we do is to support the law, not to oppose it, and we’re thankful to Central Delhi District Police for always helping us do so. We are also thankful to NCW in many cases.

I’ve read mostly about relatively less educated couples from the so-called lower strata of the society seeking help from Love Commandos. Are there similar cases you’ve handled with couples from educated, so-called better off backgrounds too?

We’ve even had MBAs, doctors and sports personalities of national fame deprived of marital choice and asking for our help.

Harsh Malhotra Chief Co-ordinator: You would be surprised to know how many. We had engineers, doctors, advocates, professors, policemen, government officials, bank officials, MBAs and BCAs, MSW, sports personalities of national fame, people with families of political background, people with families of judicial background, rich people – all come to us for help on facing opposition to martial choice. Many of these cases have been reported also. We can’t talk about specific cases as we honour the privacy of the couples.

Love Commandos has completed almost three years in operation now. Have you noticed any shift in the way people think about marital choice?

Sanjoy Sachdev, Chairman: India is changing. So far as marital choice is concerned, it’s clear that the youth want a casteless society. But Rome was not built in a day and there’s a long way to go before we start seeing any real change.

In the Indian popular culture – starting from Bollywood to music to literature – we’ve glorified love and freedom of marriage for ages. Yet when it comes to real life the general attitude towards these issues seems to have remained largely unchanged over decades, across social and economic strata. Why do you think the regressive outlook towards marital freedom is refusing to let go of its stronghold in the Indian society?

Children are considered property and female children more so.

Harsh Malhotra, Chief Co-ordinator: Children are considered property and female children more so. But I’m convinced that the youth of India is rising and Love Commandos is proud to lead the change they want.

Today we’ve online-ized the whole process of choosing one’s life partner and then matrimonial websites give you options to choose castes for potential partners. On the other hand Bollywood movies glorify so-called traditional outlook of life and marriage and K-series TV serials exalting arranged marriages gain wild popularity. Do you think intolerance towards sexual/personal freedom is making a comeback as “cool” in today’s Indian society?

There will come a day when you will find such promoters of casteism finding it hard to support their existence.

Sanjoy Sachdev, Chairman: Films and serials are a face of the society and all stories are taken from goings on in real life. I’d say that’s the reason all hit films tell love stories. As far as the matrimonial industry is concerned – they are profit-making entities and have no option but to sell what customers demand. But the youth believes in love and I’m sure given a choice most would desist from such sites or advertisements. I’ll go on to say that there will come a day when you will find such promoters of casteism finding it hard to support their existence. Sexual and personal freedom is guaranteed by our great constitution and by Hon’ble Supreme Court, and it has to be honoured.

When a boy can choose the leaders of the country at 18 by casting his vote why can’t he marry at the same age?

However our laws are still male dominated. Like the one which says that the minimum age for marriage for a boy is 21 as against 18 for a girl. In my opinion it should be 18 for both. When a boy can choose the leaders of the country at 18 by casting his vote why can’t he marry at the same age? Indian Majority Act says a boy of 18 is major but Child Marriage Act says that till 21 he is a child whereas a girl of 18 is major.

I would urge the youth to come out on the streets against such discrimination.

What are your thoughts on how we should go about stopping honour killings at the grassroots level?

Sonu Rangi, Commando Co-ordinator: Only awareness can do so, not administrative measures alone.

What are your thoughts on how we can create a culture more tolerant of personal choice in marriage across social and economic strata in India?

Harsh Malhotra, Chief Co-ordinator: The onus lies on the youth. The youth has to be committed to protecting their own freedom and if they’re in love they should say so with pride. They should never succumb to the pressure and emotional atyachar of parents, families or so called society and should work for a new social order which exalts love, not vilify it.

What is your vision for Love Commandos?

Sanjoy Sachdev, Chairman: We are a voice for the youth as is mentioned in our theme song. We’ll continue to support and protect the freedom of the youth. We believe that love shall conquer the world one day.

hey Ananth! It’s very brave of you to say that. I’m proud of you.
I find the whole idea of the love commandos to be really inspirational especially in the context of todays Indian society which seems to be confused between modernity and tentativeness, freedom and the lack of it.

One need a good lawyer. Love commandos also ask donation before any a help. They are not good at helping you in law. Parents will break all bonds with u they will give suicide threats etc. It would be a living hell.

There is a “notion” that democracy rules in India. Its actually haunted by dogmatic doctrines of the so called “guardians of culture”… V need more of such initiatives like ‘Love commandos’ by people who r powerful n who matter…

Hii..I am 20 yr old girl & my lover s 25 yr old girl.I am jaat and he
is brahmin.We both are doing a short job in gurgaon.But now his
parents are fixing his marriage.And he tried a lot to convince them
even he fell ill alot.but they refused totally because of intercaste.
& at my home i didnt tell anything about our relation.We love each
other alot & we can live without each other & even dont want to go
against our parents wishes.Pls tell us asap what we can do before they
fix his marriage..We love each other alot frm heart..pls finish totally this intercastism..
i am eith you pls help me..

we should try to change society minds… n frankly telling if parents accepts no one else in world has rights to raise objection……. but parents never leaves their childs to face difficulties in love marriage n so marriages may broke after some yrs…

n these broken marriages causes many problems for other couples as parents never dare to take a decision in favor of their child.

can court help me to bring my girlfriend in front of me in the court because we love each other and dating since five years and wanted to marry but her family don’t want us to marry and trying to change her mind by emotionally pushing her, taking control on her life and scarring her as they said before they never allow both of us to marry and they will kill her or me or both of us so i want legally action to bring her in safe palace like court and ask her disicion in front of law majistate that what she really want because she scare that they will do bad or may be can kill us. now they keep her in home like prisoner and emotionaly forced her to forget me and begged her to disconnect all communication with me and she did because of alone she did some struggel and tried a lot to convince them but not get any success. but she already told me before that if in future i quiet talking and disconnect all communication then never think that i am living you or i don’t want you but you never step back.

can law help me to bring my love in front of me in the court because we love each other and dating since five years and wanted to marry but her family don’t want us to marry and trying to change her mind by emotionally pushing her, taking control on her life and scarring her as they said before they never allow both of us to marry and they will kill both of us so i want legally way to bring her in safe palace like court where she will feel safe and let her to make disicion in front of law majistate that what she really want because she scare that they will do bad or may be can kill us. now they keep her in home like prisoner and emotionaly forced her to forget me and begged her to disconnect all communication with me and she did because of alone she did some struggel and tried a lot to convince them but not get any success. but she already told me before that if in future i quiet talking and disconnect all communication then never think that i am living you or i don’t want you but you never step back.

please give me some advise and help me about my problem because now i don’t see any other way to solve this problem. because anyway just one time i want to bring her in court, there she will feel safe without any fear.
help me please because now her family planning to marry her with someone else. they scared her by file wrong case against me and pushing to do what they said and want.
please show me a way what to do to call her and her family. whatever decision she take i will accept because i love her
her family dont want to bring her in front of me so i need help. i need her so much always
without her i am nothing now i fully attached with her i can’t live without her
please help me please

Hi,
I am hrishikesh. I am 23 yrs old.I am i n love with a 20yrs old girl. We both knew each other from childhood. Actually the girl belobgs from my relatives. No problem of caste here. Well we both are in love with each other. Relationship is from 6 months. well I am a engg guy and has 1 year frm being graduate. Now the problem is somehow our parents got to know that we are in relationship and now they are restricting us from texting calling meeting etc. Specially the girl has been put in more restriction. And now they are trying to make her mind opposite to me. But still we both love each other. Again the concern is about career.Okay we both are career oriented and have decided to pay first preference to our careers and next to our love. I have concluded and have confirmed that it is not lust and attraction. Now we both have observed that when we are in contact we can concentrate and can focus toward our studies but is opposite if we goes away. When they came to knw about our relationship they took promise from both of us that we both will not come in contact with each other from the day onward and we promised. But as the days passed we couldnt controlled and a day she text me. And again we came in contact and started loving each other with more passion this time. Now I took the initiative and told her that we should remain in limits and have to study hard and also that this time dont want any risk and she agreed and we restricted ourselves from spending too much time for each other. and was missing each other badly. Due to restrictions imposed we werent able to meet each other as we both were localite too. one day somehow her sister got to knw that she is in contact with me. And scolded her heavily by creating a issue. Girl is sensitive she says she dont wanted to leave me as well as her parents too.Infact i dont want to leave her and lose her too. now the problem is everyone of her family is opposite to my side saying i am a bad guy where my deeds are ethic. I am thinking and thinking and thinking what to do..but is helpless.Need help suggest something sir… dont know what to do…..i cant leave her and cant stop loving her…i cant think myself without her. I will prove myself infront of them but till we should remain in contact with each other or not…..if we didnt cnct each other we are empty. whether i keep my promise or I remain with my love as she needs me in this critical situation.Well her parents thinks I have trapped her with fake sayings and promisesI am confused so because somehow my parents says be graduate and will think over it and onemore thing her father as promised her that he will be with her at every decision she makes So what should we both do now…This doesnt affect our studies if only we remains in contact…Reply soon sir reply please…..(we )infact she cant bear this torture of restrictiobs not to go out not to talk with nyone even with friends too….just to remain at home everytime and to study……what should be done by me to preserve my love cause i am not happy eighter when she is sad…..reply please sir

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Hi
I am ritika nd i am 28 year old girl n I am in love with 28yr old boy. My bf is Sikh nd I am Hindu, n we are both doing job in same company his parents are totally against for marrige n I my relationship with his 6 year, last year his mother n sister are agree bt my bf asked for marriage his mother totally against n said if u marry with this girl than no come in my house nd she said you have one elder brother, sister if u do love marriage than Ur brother n sisters also same thing. N unki mummny ne yeh b bola agar tum shaadi kr lo gye to hum log se koi b relations ni rkhe GA n bf ki mother n mere se baat ki tum kahi aur ladka dekh lo shaadi k liye mene bf ki mother convence bahut kiya me religion change kr lu gi BT woh fir b ni Mani need help. i need him so much always
without him i am nothing now i fully attached with him i can’t live without him
please help me please