This might be a bit strange and random, but something I've been pondering for a day or two and wondered if it made sense for anyone else.?????

Someone asked me why I have a mask as my avatar on here. I had to think about it. I use it in a few places and it's an image that i feel comfortable with.

So i tried to work out why and came to the conlusion that it's because of the masks I've worn all my life to hide from the world. Specifically to hide how I've felt about being overweight and fat from the world.

I've been overweight all my life. I was a chubby child and gradually put on more and more weight as I got older.

I've worn a variety of masks to cover how sad and lonely and depressed being bigger was making me feel, from the "cheeky, nerdy kid", through the "I'm too cool to conform to society's expectations of skinniness" in my (very pretentious) teens. The "cheerful and practical and always smiling jolly lady" that I show now. There's a few more in between too.

I guess I want rid of them for good. They were safe and a place of comfort but restricting and never showed me as a real person. I've had through my life a whole bunch of friends who never met the real me.. just my masks... It makes me a bit sad.

I hope that soon I won't need my mask, that I'll feel confident enough to face the world as I am. Not yet though... I'll hold onto them for a while. Sometimes life feels like a very hostile plasce for me.

When I see a reflection in a shop window and think yuk how horrid I look, or think I hear someone talking about my size, or watching me in the street, I realise that I still need my mask. I'm not yet strong enough to face life without it.

So my mask will stay for a while, then I'll put up a pic of me a bit slimmer than now.

Well said love .Im sure its true for a lot of people with a weight problem. We pretend that we dont care but inside it really hurts. well done for vocalising it so well . Looking forward to seeing your picture up there when you feel comfortable enough to do so.

Hi LorraTB,
It could have been me who wrote that. It does get tiring trying to be what others expect but as more time goes by there is a sense of growing into oneself and all the masks are part of that and mesh together to become the person we are. I hope you find you sometime soon, because from what I have seen so far you are someone worth knowing. Wishing you enlightenment and fulfillment.
Doirin

Here's hoping after 20 years of dieting I will finally do it.:arty0049:

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