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Spongeridge relocation update

HATTIESBURG (RSP)
As the NewOrleansHornets.com relocation effort continues, RSP News has learned that commissioner Bill Gates has set certain benchmarks that Spongeridge must meet before the relocation request can be favorably voted upon. Sources have informed RSP News that among the benchmarks established by commissioner Gates are that Hattiesburg demonstrate that they have 8 Pentium 4 computer terminals running Microsoft WindowsXP with broadband internet connections in each of at least 6 different Internet Cafes; that Hattiesburg successfully establish 1,000 new board memberships; that Spongeridge obtain more corporate sponsorships; and that Spongeridge complete a long-term ISP and domain hosting agreement.

Although he provided no specifics when questioned about the benchmarks, commissioner Gates did offer the following "Spongeridge knows what must be done. The posters in New Orleans have always supported the board and we would prefer that the board remain based in that market, but things have happened and we have been asked to consider this relocation request. The City of Hattiesburg has done a lot on their own with limited resources. But Spongeridge must button up the details on these final barriers to relcoation before I will forcefully recommend that the relocation take place. However, we are impressed with the new bank of 2.5GHz servers connected to the Galaxy Cablevision lines."

When asked for a comment, NewOrleansHornets.com's new co-owner and spokesman, BuddyD, speaking through an interpretor, said, "We have full faith in the City of Hattiesburg and expect to announce within the next three weeks that we have achieved all required benchmarks. We have done everything in our power to make our network of 12 IBM 386 machines with 10MB hard drives and 64K of RAM work in New Orleans. The fact is that these machines were out dated when we started this board, we made the best of what we had, but we need better and the board members at NewOrleansHornets.com have not been willing to provide us with what we need."

Meanwhile, the Big Three at NewOrleansHornets.com revealed that Spongeridge has been systematically under counting the number of people online at any particular time. Spokesman COCajun said "Spongeridge has been only counting the registered members on the board, although he allows unregistered guests to have access. This tactic has resulted in an under reporting of the number of people on the board and page hits per day. The bast*** is trying to make us look bad. He wants to create a false impression that we do not support the board, when in fact, many have not been able to log in because Spongeridge has deactivated their accounts, thereby forcing them to lurk as unregistered guests. If it wasn't for his dishonest counting of the actual people online, our hits per day would double and we would undoubtedly surpass the numbers of UNOPrivateerSports.com, GreenWaveSports.com and BayouBengal.com, placing us firmly behind SaintsReport.com."

In other related matters, Say-What, speaking on behalf of his client Grandadmiral, said "Spongeridge's tactics with regard to the under reporting of board members online is typical of his deceptive practices. He is poisoning the board. Moreover, he has taken advantage of my client by unjustly backing out of the AIP that the two had agreed upon and then had the audacity to include subliminal messages in the watch party pictures that were obtained from my client under the fraudulent pretense of awarding worthless potints. We have downloaded the altered images and secured them from Spongeridge's SBI, although our firewall has logged several attempts to access our encrypted drives originating from Hattiesburg." As for the class action suit, Say-What offered, "I have every confidence that the Court will rule in my clients' favor. We have documented Spongeridge's failure to honor his promises to award points and upgrade the board's features and servers. We will show that Spongeridge has actually revoked points without cause and placed a moritorium on any new perks and upgrades despite his apparently worhtless promises to the contrary." When asked what his clients thought of Spongeridge, Say-What merely said "What the f***, that f'ing coullion is nothing but a wuss!"

In a rather surrealistic exchange, COCajun, who apparently has seen Star Wars Episode 2 one too many times, added "benchmarks the evil Spongeridge leap must, votes we now seek our side for. Relocation denied, sale forced, victory ours is. Young master say-what, I direct you to Pankme Kournikova's side at all times. If change positions you must, my business that is not. What makes Senator Pankme happy is what you must perform." What this means, this reporter is unsure of, however it is obvious that the matter has become personal for COCajun, who has sought the guidance of greater forces.

On a more positive note, RSP News has learned that bdiddy's condition has stabalized and the plague has gone into remission, although his condition remains guarded pending the results of this weekend's Lakers' game.

Copywhat 2002 - Rank Speculation Publications, the preceeding article is nothing but opinion, based on speculation, grounded in rumor first reported in the Chalmette Obscurer. No one in their right mind claims any rights to the foregoing

Re: Spongeridge relocation update

Originally posted by say-what
In a rather surrealistic exchange, COCajun, who apparently has seen Star Wars Episode 2 one too many times, added " Young master say-what, I direct you to Pankme Kournikova's side at all times. If change positions you must, my business that is not. What makes Senator Pankme happy is what you must perform." What this means, this reporter is unsure of, however it is obvious that the matter has become personal for COCajun, who has sought the guidance of greater forces.

Yodish-to-English translation (take notes):

Say-what, I direct you to your hottie's side at all times. If you must change positions during intimate moments, that is your business, not mine. You must give her unspeakable pleasuring. If unable to whip out your saber, Jedi master Whodat will be happy to replace you.

I LOVE Star Wars - AOTC much much better than Phantom Menace. Oh, and Natalie's not so bad either.

Back to Yodish:

AOTC only have I seen once. Far from enough that is. See it several times more I shall while wife & son are out of town visiting the Louisian system. Two weeks alone it shall be tough, but manage somehow with topless maid service I shall endeavor to.

CHALMETTE (RSP)
In yet another unexpected twist to the NewOrleansHornets.com Hattiesburg relocation saga, on Friday morning the Judges of the Federal Court in New Orleans all suddenly recused themselves from hearing the claims lodged by failed suitor Grandadmiral and the Class Action filed on behalf of all board members. In a prepared statement the spokesperson for the Federal Court said, “The Judges of this court have reviewed the matter and because of their past investments in failed ventures promoted by Spongeridge, mainly Enron and the short lived rebirth of McKenzie’s Bakeries, they have decided that this presents an impermissible conflict of interest and perception of bias against Spongeridge that requires them to step aside. Because this affects all judges sitting in this court, the Department of Justice has appointed WhoDat32 to preside as an official Arbitrator of Justice over these matters.”

Within 36 hours of this bombshell announcement, the new Arbitrator of Justice issued a sixty-nine page ruling, consisting mostly of smiley icons but resolving the various claims asserted in the two matters. WhoDat32 ruled as follows:

Spongeridge violated the terms of the AIP. However I cannot force him to sell to Grandadmiral but I can and do hereby grant Grandadmiral’s request for injunctive relief and order that Spongeridge is hereby prevented from relocating NewOrleansHornets.com to Hattiesburg as a result of his breach of the AIP and must immediately withdraw the current relocation application; furthermore, Spongeridge is herby prevented from filing to relocate NewOrleansHornets.com to any other city for as long as the NBA’s New Orleans Hornets play in the City of New Orleans; additionally I award Grandadmiral the sum of 1-cent in the form of punitive damages, a sum that represents one-third of the total wealth of the City of New Orleans and the entire wealth of the City of Hattiesburg.

Spongeridge is liable on the Class Action claims for breach of promise and must immediately reinstate the voided points from the “Guess the Score Contest,” must immediately lift the ban on the future awarding of points, must devise a non-biased plan for the future awarding of points and actually disclose the prizes that may be earned for various levels of points, and must provide the members of NewOrleansHornets.com with spell check. Because it is unclear as to what contributions the board members at NewOrleansHornets.com and Spongeridge must each provide to the purchase of new servers, I must dismiss that portion of the claim and encourage the two sides to resolve this issue on their own.

As if this matter had not travelled a strange enough path, WhoDat32 also ruled in the Class Action suit that “as a result of Spongeridge’s attempts at subliminal mind control, I find that the members of NewOrleansHornets.com have suffered undue mental distress and immediately enjoin Spongeridge from future attempts to subliminally control the board. Further, I award one point to all members of NewOrleansHornets.com who posted responses in the thread entitled “Grandadmirals' 5-15 watch party pics!” as they were obviously affected by Spongeridges misguided attempts at mind control.”

Spongeridge was unavailable for comment, but it is believed that this near ogre-like figure has retreated to the desolate solitude of his culvert dwelling located beneath the main entrance to Roberts Stadium on the USM campus. However, his partner, BuddyD, speaking through an interpretor, voiced his displeasure with the ruling, “Man this is so squirrelly, that so called Arbitrator is a real squirrel. WhoDat32 shook the tree so hard that all the nuts fell out. I don’t know what to say, I’m flabbergasted. This ranks right up there with my recommending that Tom Benson hire Mike Ditka as head couch of the Saints.” When asked about his future plans BuddyD responded, “I don’t have time for this anymore, I have to get ready for my Preakness wrap show Monday and start handicapping the Belmont Stakes so I have something to talk about on future radio shows.”

Harvey always knew that Spongeridge could not succeed, unlike Fudgey who kept flaiming the board with posts about how we didn’t support the board. – Harvey Hornet

What the F***. This is great. Now the world knows what a coullion Spongeridge is. F’ing coullions. – West Coast Hornet

Bast****, I am glad to have been vindicated from the allegations asserted in pernt-gate. As I said before, I played within the spirit of the rule. – Westbank Hornet

Wuss, Whodat32 could have forced Spongeridge to sell to me and pay for new servers on his own but the big wuss, wussed out. I am glad that he permanently blocked the move and that I am now 1-cent richer. – Grandadmiral

We always knew that Spongeridge was evil. Dishonesty and greed were always his game. We warned everyone, but they blindly followed. Everyone should still secure their firewalls as long as Spongeridge is in control and the SBI exists. You are still being warned. – Say-What

Copywhat 2002 - Rank Speculation Publications, the preceeding article is nothing but opinion, based on speculation, grounded in rumor first reported in the Chalmette Obscurer. No one in their right mind claims any rights to the foregoing

Originally posted by say-what CHALMETTE (RSP)
In yet another unexpected twist to the NewOrleansHornets.com Hattiesburg relocation saga, on Friday morning the Judges of the Federal Court in New Orleans all suddenly recused themselves from hearing the claims lodged by failed suitor Grandadmiral and the Class Action filed on behalf of all board members. In a prepared statement the spokesperson for the Federal Court said, “The Judges of this court have reviewed the matter and because of their past investments in failed ventures promoted by Spongeridge, mainly Enron and the short lived rebirth of McKenzie’s Bakeries, they have decided that this presents an impermissible conflict of interest and perception of bias against Spongeridge that requires them to step aside. Because this affects all judges sitting in this court, the Department of Justice has appointed WhoDat32 to preside as an official Arbitrator of Justice over these matters.”

Within 36 hours of this bombshell announcement, the new Arbitrator of Justice issued a sixty-nine page ruling, consisting mostly of smiley icons but resolving the various claims asserted in the two matters. WhoDat32 ruled as follows:

Spongeridge violated the terms of the AIP. However I cannot force him to sell to Grandadmiral but I can and do hereby grant Grandadmiral’s request for injunctive relief and order that Spongeridge is hereby prevented from relocating NewOrleansHornets.com to Hattiesburg as a result of his breach of the AIP and must immediately withdraw the current relocation application; furthermore, Spongeridge is herby prevented from filing to relocate NewOrleansHornets.com to any other city for as long as the NBA’s New Orleans Hornets play in the City of New Orleans; additionally I award Grandadmiral the sum of 1-cent in the form of punitive damages, a sum that represents one-third of the total wealth of the City of New Orleans and the entire wealth of the City of Hattiesburg.

Spongeridge is liable on the Class Action claims for breach of promise and must immediately reinstate the voided points from the “Guess the Score Contest,” must immediately lift the ban on the future awarding of points, must devise a non-biased plan for the future awarding of points and actually disclose the prizes that may be earned for various levels of points, and must provide the members of NewOrleansHornets.com with spell check. Because it is unclear as to what contributions the board members at NewOrleansHornets.com and Spongeridge must each provide to the purchase of new servers, I must dismiss that portion of the claim and encourage the two sides to resolve this issue on their own.

As if this matter had not travelled a strange enough path, WhoDat32 also ruled in the Class Action suit that “as a result of Spongeridge’s attempts at subliminal mind control, I find that the members of NewOrleansHornets.com have suffered undue mental distress and immediately enjoin Spongeridge from future attempts to subliminally control the board. Further, I award one point to all members of NewOrleansHornets.com who posted responses in the thread entitled “Grandadmirals' 5-15 watch party pics!” as they were obviously affected by Spongeridges misguided attempts at mind control.”

Spongeridge was unavailable for comment, but it is believed that this near ogre-like figure has retreated to the desolate solitude of his culvert dwelling located beneath the main entrance to Roberts Stadium on the USM campus. However, his partner, BuddyD, speaking through an interpretor, voiced his displeasure with the ruling, “Man this is so squirrelly, that so called Arbitrator is a real squirrel. WhoDat32 shook the tree so hard that all the nuts fell out. I don’t know what to say, I’m flabbergasted. This ranks right up there with my recommending that Tom Benson hire Mike Ditka as head couch of the Saints.” When asked about his future plans BuddyD responded, “I don’t have time for this anymore, I have to get ready for my Preakness wrap show Monday and start handicapping the Belmont Stakes so I have something to talk about on future radio shows.”

Harvey always knew that Spongeridge could not succeed, unlike Fudgey who kept flaiming the board with posts about how we didn’t support the board. – Harvey Hornet

What the F***. This is great. Now the world knows what a coullion Spongeridge is. F’ing coullions. – West Coast Hornet

Bast****, I am glad to have been vindicated from the allegations asserted in pernt-gate. As I said before, I played within the spirit of the rule. – Westbank Hornet

Wuss, Whodat32 could have forced Spongeridge to sell to me and pay for new servers on his own but the big wuss, wussed out. I am glad that he permanently blocked the move and that I am now 1-cent richer. – Grandadmiral

We always knew that Spongeridge was evil. Dishonesty and greed were always his game. We warned everyone, but they blindly followed. Everyone should still secure their firewalls as long as Spongeridge is in control and the SBI exists. You are still being warned. – Say-What

Copywhat 2002 - Rank Speculation Publications, the preceeding article is nothing but opinion, based on speculation, grounded in rumor first reported in the Chalmette Obscurer. No one in their right mind claims any rights to the foregoing

After being awarded $0.01 in punitive damages in the failed SpongeRidge relocation suit, Grandadmiral is being rumored to being one of several people soliciting the NBA for a expansion team. Unlike other potential owners, Grandadmiral is pursuing the expansion franchise without any partners.

GA, as he is most commonly known, has rumored to want to put the team in Hartford, Conn., if he would not be allowed to place the team in Natchitoches, LA, in the Cane River region. GA was quoted as saying, "If New Orleans can get a team with $0.03 to get the Hornets, just think of what I could do with all the money I have. Sources who can not be named have stated that GA could be worth at least $2.50 and as much as $2.75, not counting his court-ordered award.

There's is also rumors that Grandadmiral is in works with Avondale Shipyard to develop a floating arena that will be built according to NBA standards. This floating arena will hold 19,000 people and float up and down the Cane River during games. Parking will be land based. Small lifeboat-sized vessels will be attached to the arena for those looking to leave early.

No comments could be obtained from neither Grandadmiral nor his attorney, Say-what.

Originally posted by say-what CHALMETTE (RSP)
In yet another unexpected twist to the NewOrleansHornets.com Hattiesburg relocation saga, on Friday morning the Judges of the Federal Court in New Orleans all suddenly recused themselves from hearing the claims lodged by failed suitor Grandadmiral and the Class Action filed on behalf of all board members. In a prepared statement the spokesperson for the Federal Court said, “The Judges of this court have reviewed the matter and because of their past investments in failed ventures promoted by Spongeridge, mainly Enron and the short lived rebirth of McKenzie’s Bakeries, they have decided that this presents an impermissible conflict of interest and perception of bias against Spongeridge that requires them to step aside. Because this affects all judges sitting in this court, the Department of Justice has appointed WhoDat32 to preside as an official Arbitrator of Justice over these matters.”

Within 36 hours of this bombshell announcement, the new Arbitrator of Justice issued a sixty-nine page ruling, consisting mostly of smiley icons but resolving the various claims asserted in the two matters. WhoDat32 ruled as follows:

Spongeridge violated the terms of the AIP. However I cannot force him to sell to Grandadmiral but I can and do hereby grant Grandadmiral’s request for injunctive relief and order that Spongeridge is hereby prevented from relocating NewOrleansHornets.com to Hattiesburg as a result of his breach of the AIP and must immediately withdraw the current relocation application; furthermore, Spongeridge is herby prevented from filing to relocate NewOrleansHornets.com to any other city for as long as the NBA’s New Orleans Hornets play in the City of New Orleans; additionally I award Grandadmiral the sum of 1-cent in the form of punitive damages, a sum that represents one-third of the total wealth of the City of New Orleans and the entire wealth of the City of Hattiesburg.

Spongeridge is liable on the Class Action claims for breach of promise and must immediately reinstate the voided points from the “Guess the Score Contest,” must immediately lift the ban on the future awarding of points, must devise a non-biased plan for the future awarding of points and actually disclose the prizes that may be earned for various levels of points, and must provide the members of NewOrleansHornets.com with spell check. Because it is unclear as to what contributions the board members at NewOrleansHornets.com and Spongeridge must each provide to the purchase of new servers, I must dismiss that portion of the claim and encourage the two sides to resolve this issue on their own.

As if this matter had not travelled a strange enough path, WhoDat32 also ruled in the Class Action suit that “as a result of Spongeridge’s attempts at subliminal mind control, I find that the members of NewOrleansHornets.com have suffered undue mental distress and immediately enjoin Spongeridge from future attempts to subliminally control the board. Further, I award one point to all members of NewOrleansHornets.com who posted responses in the thread entitled “Grandadmirals' 5-15 watch party pics!” as they were obviously affected by Spongeridges misguided attempts at mind control.”

Spongeridge was unavailable for comment, but it is believed that this near ogre-like figure has retreated to the desolate solitude of his culvert dwelling located beneath the main entrance to Roberts Stadium on the USM campus. However, his partner, BuddyD, speaking through an interpretor, voiced his displeasure with the ruling, “Man this is so squirrelly, that so called Arbitrator is a real squirrel. WhoDat32 shook the tree so hard that all the nuts fell out. I don’t know what to say, I’m flabbergasted. This ranks right up there with my recommending that Tom Benson hire Mike Ditka as head couch of the Saints.” When asked about his future plans BuddyD responded, “I don’t have time for this anymore, I have to get ready for my Preakness wrap show Monday and start handicapping the Belmont Stakes so I have something to talk about on future radio shows.”

Harvey always knew that Spongeridge could not succeed, unlike Fudgey who kept flaiming the board with posts about how we didn’t support the board. – Harvey Hornet

What the F***. This is great. Now the world knows what a coullion Spongeridge is. F’ing coullions. – West Coast Hornet

Bast****, I am glad to have been vindicated from the allegations asserted in pernt-gate. As I said before, I played within the spirit of the rule. – Westbank Hornet

Wuss, Whodat32 could have forced Spongeridge to sell to me and pay for new servers on his own but the big wuss, wussed out. I am glad that he permanently blocked the move and that I am now 1-cent richer. – Grandadmiral

We always knew that Spongeridge was evil. Dishonesty and greed were always his game. We warned everyone, but they blindly followed. Everyone should still secure their firewalls as long as Spongeridge is in control and the SBI exists. You are still being warned. – Say-What

Copywhat 2002 - Rank Speculation Publications, the preceeding article is nothing but opinion, based on speculation, grounded in rumor first reported in the Chalmette Obscurer. No one in their right mind claims any rights to the foregoing