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Friday, December 3, 2010

Fourth and final

The immediate, unmistakable second pink line on the test laid on the bathroom counter - oh, the power of that pink line. The possibility that it stands for, the hope for a healthy pregnancy and a perfect newborn and another loved child. One slim line that releases a cascade of happy plans.

And yet, personal and professional experience with pregnancy loss have primed me to assume nothing. I'm expecting strikes me as presumptuous. And so I am not expecting. But I am pregnant.

On discovering I had conceived, I was overwhelmed by the sense that this was obviously grand work, this close involvement with birth, and briefly, all else looked anemic. I am thrilled, at least as much as I can remember with my other children. It doesn't feel commonplace; my previous experiences - good and bad - make it that much more meaningful. It's been almost five years since Ariana was born. This me, the 36-year-old mother of three, physician to refugees, living in Deep Cove, has never been pregnant.

I first felt the baby move at sixteen weeks: a soft swipe, a sliding sensation. Then the movements changed to knocks, small thuds, bumps and turns. I often lie on the couch, pants unbuttoned, both hands on my belly, waiting for baby to buck and shift; its solid presence can take my breath away.

I'm 27 weeks, 3 days. I have a globe of a belly, a baby cardigan on the needles, three very pleased children and a non-stop pace at the office that keeps baby rocked to sleep most of the day.

I'm in no hurry to progress. Right now, everything is as it should be.

Do you remember our conversation a long time ago one New Years Day? You, Carolyn and myself wondering how anyone would ever have more than 2 kids....I was pregnant with Matthew our 3rd at the time but no one knew.....Now you have number 4 on the way....

wonderful news and a wonderful 4th gift. it's so true what you say about not being the same "me" as you were with your other pregnancies - it's amazing how different it can be at different stages in your life.

As a frequent reader of this site, and a medical student with a toddler, I'm just curious (and I suppose many could answer) - how do you pull it all off? At times med school with just one child seems nearly impossible and I worry about how to grow my family, have a career and maintain my sanity. (I'd love to have 3 kids, but honestly, have no idea how to do so successfully). So I'd be interested to know...what your childcare situations are like, work schedules, husband or partner's work schedules, etc. Any advice or words of wisdom are appreciated!

Mothers in Medicine is a group blog by physician-mothers, writing about the unique challenges and joys of tending to two distinct patient populations, both of whom can be quite demanding. We are on call every. single. day.

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