Eddie Gaven retired today, and the math doesn't seem right. He's only 27 years old, but already an 11-year veteran of MLS. That's what happens when you get drafted at age 16, as Gaven was by the MetroStars in 2003. The wunderkind never quite lived up to the hype, but he proved to be a versatile, workmanlike presence… »10/31/13 5:57pm 10/31/13 5:57pm

Lesson for NBC, the new holder of the American rights to the Premier League: Don't cut away from soccer during the run of play, like you did here, and miss a goal like the one D.C. United scored. (Transmission error or not, woof.) [NBC Sports] »8/03/13 10:10pm 8/03/13 10:10pm

The weather had already shafted DC United. The higher seed, they lost homefield advantage when MLS switched the legs of their home-and-home with the Red Bulls because the New York area was still cleaning up after Hurricane Sandy. It wasn't fair, and United fans were pissed, but it's hard to see that there was any… »11/08/12 4:35pm 11/08/12 4:35pm

I've been dispatched by the other 90 percent of the Deadspin staff to share with you these photos of Charlie Davies, the starting striker for D.C. United who suffered bleeding in the brain, a ruptured bladder, a broken tibia, femur, and elbow, and multiple facial fractures in a car accident in October 2009. He's… »6/30/11 6:15pm 6/30/11 6:15pm

It's weird to see an American striker do this. We're so used to our forwards scoring as a function of being in the right place at the right time. Agudelo scored last night despite bad service and good marking. He created this goal out of nothing. No more Jozy Altidore comparisons, please. »4/22/11 10:55am 4/22/11 10:55am

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.»2/05/11 9:00am 2/05/11 9:00am

I don't know if I can take another second of NFL Draft coverage. No matter what I look at now, a tree, a drunken hobo, a bag of cocaine, I see a scrolling "team needs" bar underneath it, and I hear Mel Kiper telling me about its ability to explode. So we leave you today with something, hopefully, kind of nice. »4/28/07 7:00pm 4/28/07 7:00pm