TIFU by cleaning my guns before going to the airport...

So I leave on a business flight, today, flying out of the busiest airports in the southeast. Since my flight was at 3pm and I didn’t have much to do before I left for the airport I decided to do some firearm cleaning I’d been putting off for a few months.

Finally got done and realized I’d end up being late for my flight so I had my wife drive me to the airport wearing the same pants I’d wore while cleaning my firearms.

Arrived at the airport and began my worried walk to a 1.5hr backup of people going through screening thinking I was about to miss my flight. Mind you this airport is flooded with tourists especially this time of the year so it’s required to arrive 2hrs prior to your boarding time- I was 45mins. Finally got past the ID check and was in the line to screen baggage and here comes security with one of the happiest puppers I’ve ever seen. Here he comes running at me jumping around and on me like he’s my long lost best friend. Then the stomach dropper... -“please come this way with me, sir”- if you’ve never heard those words trust me it’s fucking terrifying.

So I begin my long walk of shame past all the agitated travelers toward the front of the line. The lovely TSA agents (believe me they were the best) took my bags, and had me remove all my belongings from my person, place them in a bin then they ran it through the scanner. Then had me walk through the metal detector and again through the scanner.

It didn’t help my case while I was removing all my items that I had 2 cell phones and 2 computers (I usually travel with both my personal and my work electronics)

I asked 4 different agents WTF was happening and no one knew (although they all had headsets talking to each other) You know that feeling when you’re wondering if you have some kinda drugs on you even though you’ve never done drugs in your entire life? Well that was me x 100!

Finally a supervisor came along and informed me I was being screened for explosives. At this point it became apparent why the dog was so happy to see me. I was immediately at ease since I knew right off the bat what the issue was. I immediately told him and he was like ohhhhh... that would do it but we still have to screen all your shit as a precaution- fine.

All said and done I skipped the line and I’m now on my flight writing this TIFU

TLDR... cleaned guns, didn’t change my pants, got to the airport late, security pupper was super happy to see me, got screened by TSA for possible explosive, got to skip the hundreds of people ahead of me and made my flight on time!

I was going through security at Reagan International (Washington DC) on my way home when I was pulled aside and asked to slowly open my carry on bag. I was told that a rectangle object in the bag had a density similar to plastic explosives and they needed to inspect it. Turns out Trader Joe’s gingerbread cookie dry mix is a dead ringer for C4.

I am not a gun person, but if I did have a gun and had to pull the trigger to clean it then I would assume the gun is loaded and point it at something I would not mind being destroyed when I pull the trigger.

“He was cleaning his gun” is a common thing people used to/still say as a kind of coverup (in the past sometimes with police cooperation) when a person commits suicide with a gun. Also, some guns (Glocks, for instance) require you to pull the trigger before disassembling them and people forget to clear it beforehand.

Not just a note is a indication of suicide there could be many other things like getting anti depressants by doctors visiting a therapist. Also if you accidentally kill your self while cleaning a gun you shouldn’t have had one in the first place because you are that dumb.

I completely understand your point, and I don't disagree that it's fraud...but it's pretty apparent in today's society that police officers (among many many other professions) definitely look out for their own.

I travel with my dog so I always have to go through the metal detector rather than the body scanner. Every single time, they swab my hands (although they claim it’s random) and I wind up testing positive. It’s always so embarrassing to be standing there with someone rummaging through your stuff and another padding you down, especially when you know you’ve done nothing wrong. They’ve always been really cool about it though and even give me the option to go in private, which I usually say no to thinking it’ll just make the process even longer

It’s only when I fly out of CO though, so I usually smoke before I leave my house. I know they test for nitrates so maybe it’s related (since I fly from a non legal state and am fine). It’s either that or the fact that my dog puts his paw in my hand every time they go to swab me, and of course, they swab the exact area he touches (could be fertilizer or something on his paw)

Read online if you use some hand sanitizer that contains alcohol, you’ll test negative. Gotta try it the next time

This is actually a fairly common situation. One trip to the range can get the dogs on you. It happened to my brother.
BTW gunpowder is a low explosive and would not be found in an actual bomb. Maybe it smells the same as some kind of high explosive?

I know that anxiety.
I once returned a non negative result on an explosives test on re-entry at the domestic terminal. I'd only gone out to go to the international terminal to grab some lunch because the food court was better.
Panicked a bit while the bloke recalibrated and tested himself before testing me again.

My camera bag tested positive for explosives once and I had no idea why! The guy asked me if I had been near any farms recently, as a matter of fact, I had been filming at a large dairy farm, and the manure particles in the air got in my bag, and set off the scanner. Manure is used to make bombs sometimes I guess.

When I was in the RAAF I would occasionally get caught out. I'd be travelling back home from a shoot or training exercise interstate with my day bag coming with me a carry on. Sure enough they would "randomly" pick me for an explosives check and I'd set off the machine. Never really had a big problem as a quick explanation and showing my ID usually helped (still would get bag searched though).

I had a friend that smoked weed right before getting to the airport. he set off a dog and spent a long time in custody while they ripped his bags apart. didn't find anything, they let him go, missed his flight.

I am not sure if you fucked up or not. If the extra attention helped you get you the line faster, then possibly it was a brilliant move.

I think it is impossible to fuck up with respect to the TSA because their process so chaotic, so unpredictable that there simply does not exist a right and a wrong way to do things. Every time you fly, you take your chances.

Oh? If so then I sincerely apologize to OP, I applaud OP for somehow miraculously not getting shot at or even abused or harassed, and I applaud whatever airport’s TSA OP dealt with for being professional adults.

Look, I’m not really willing to engage in this, but I’ve got the time, so here it is.

It sucks to be brown in America. I know this from firsthand experience; I’m mixed race and not “from here”.

Sometimes the only way to deal with that is through snark, humor, sarcasm, and otherwise putting up a shield from the fact that every law enforcement agency has it out for you when you’re non-white in America.

It’s absolutely true that if you “act white” you get a lot less attention. Ever heard about how much people of color hate being called “articulate”? It’s because somehow it’s not expected of us, and it lessens us in the eyes of other people of color while making us more “acceptable” to the white establishment.

I expect the TSA and any similar organization to treat me and anyone else who’s non-white like absolute shit and second class citizens. When that doesn’t happen, and the TSA treats us like they treat all white people, that’s not worthy of applause or recognition. That should be the bare minimum of treatment; being treated like the majority.

I make fun of it because that is the only reaction I have left to me. They’ve taken every other reaction away. If I’m indignant, I get shot. If I refuse to participate, I get shot. If I do literally anything other than laugh it off and play along, I get shot.

That’s not racism. That’s protecting yourself physically and emotionally in a world and a country which, in the majority of it’s official or highly policed spaces, is inherently hostile to your very presence and existence.

No, because generally speaking a white person that gets signaled by a bomb dog isn’t in imminent fear and danger of being violently abused, and there was no indication of that fear.

White people do get trouble too, yes. Not denying that. However, by percentage — not by absolute number — people of color get much more trouble for doing nothing. Hence the terms “driving while black/brown” and etc. If you are a person of color in America (and increasingly in continental Europe) you are automatically at a higher risk for “trouble” through no fault of your own.

Yes. Attitude matters. But so does appearance, age, sex, and color. A young male of color in jeans and leather will have far more issues with Johnny Law than an older white woman in a church dress and pearls.

This post is not a TIFU anyway though, this post is better described as “Everyone involved was on their absolute best behavior and no one got hurt as a result, good job world.”