Famous Handsome Guys Are Painting Their Nails for a Good Cause. Should You?

Want to do something for a good cause while doing almost nothing at all? Want to make a big show of your charitable nature while definitely not forcing your testicles back inside your body with a bucket of freezing water? Good men of the world, take heed.
The latest charity challenge to take the Internet by storm is none other than the Polished Man, not to be confused with the upcoming Lexington Steele autobiography of the same name.

"Oooh," you say to yourself, stroking your beard to feign intrigue. "How might I become a polished man, too?" You take a sip of your Strawberry Quik. You cackle into the evening's icy moonlight. Ah yes, the game is afoot.

So! What is it anyway? To simplify what must have been a hell of a brainstorm at some point, famous men with big careers, quivering muscles, and access to the Internet (sorry, DMX, I'm guessing), like Chris Hemsworth, Zac Efron, and the other Hemsworth, are painting a single fingernail to say, "Hey, here's 1/10th of a manicure. Don't beat or molest kids."

If Carson Daly's TRL tenure taught us anything, it's that men with manicured nails can do anything they put their minds to, like simultaneously suck all the life out of a room while winning the affection of thousands of lost teens who could easily just be stealing from a mall or something. So, you might be asking yourself, "Could I not give myself a full set of gels and call it a day?" But no, brah, you could not. It's one finger or nothing, as your mom has repeatedly told me.

The idea came about when Elliot Costello, the CEO of YGAP, an international non-profit organization, met a young Cambodian girl who had been abused during her time in an orphanage. After coming to trust Elliot, she painted his nails. Now Elliot's mission is to encourage celebrity dudes and regular dudes to paint a single fingernail, post a photo of it, donate money, and challenge their fellow bros to do the same.

What if your nails are already painted a rainbow of colors, indicating not only the wide array of acts you're willing to perform, should you stumble upon an orgy situation, but because it makes you feel a little fancy? Don't be so greedy; true charity demands a single digit. Despite YGAP's insistence that the polished man is not about pointing said finger at men, the inevitable next step is to quite literally point your finger at other men and then call them out in front of millions of followers. (But potato, po-tah-to!) According to the Polished Man mission statement, men are singled out because they are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of violence against children. Can women polish a single fingernail, too? Do whatever you want, but shut up, men are talking!

So the next time you're wondering how a man goes from selfish to altruistic, from mere mortal to god, head down to the nail polish aisle of your local drugstore. Push your way through the tired parents, the gum-snapping middle schoolers, and Vine comedians, until you find that one man, meticulously painting a fingernail in Ballet Slippers, Cuckold Gold, or Crime Boner Blue, and watch him. Watch as the polish collects in the valleys his pushed-back cuticles have formed. Watch as the fluorescent light glints off his rapidly hardening Sally Hansen shimmer! Watch as a perfect selfie is snapped from above, capturing cheekbones and highlights and full lips that have suddenly appeared, as if from nowhere! Stand in awe as you witness the moment a hero is born.

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