Friday, July 1, 2011

Lead me and I'll come runnin'.

(Cute, huh? Corny, yes. But cute too.)

Chris and I just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary last month. That makes five years since Chris and I became an "item". Ya' know what? We're still learning. In the intelligent words of Nacho Libre, "every day." I guess this will continue until we depart from this earth either by death or the return of Jesus. Oh, help us Lord. Just tonight I fully realized something about myself and about our relationship. I really WANT to be led. If my 26-year-old self would have told my 18-year-old self this, I would have thought I'd lost it. Before I grew up (a little bit), I thought that I wanted a guy that I could lead. I was wrong. Last night we had a wedding for which we were the photographers. It was a beautiful wedding and we both enjoyed it a lot. Chris knows about cameras. He knows about light and technical stuff like ISO and shudder speed and...now I'm drifting off. Back to the story. He is the boss when it comes to Bliss Photography. I am his assistant. Within the last six months I've picked up a camera on shoots too. He has to lead me around like a little blind mouse when it comes to the technical side. Creatively, I can hold my own. Technically, "Daddy, help me." So, last night, as I was meandering around, taking pictures of every pretty detail and bobble I could find, I would find myself in a pickle. How do I get this machine to do what I want it to do? How DO I master the camera? Ask Chris. And so I would. And he would fix it and everything would be back up and running. Security. That's what I feel when he leads. I feel secure when he leads me in just about every area of our life together. This is shocking to my system somewhat because I am normally 100% comfortable with leading. And I still am, I suppose. However, I am finding more and more that when I humble myself and ALLOW Chris to lead me, there's a sweet feeling of safety in my heart. Please don't misunderstand. I am still learning this thing. For every one time that I succeed at being led, there are 1,000 times that I jump up and try to run the show in our life. God is teaching me "every day" to settle down and let Chris be the leader in our marriage, our home, our life. And it's so much better this way. He's great at it. When I quit trying to arm wrestle the reins from him he does a phenomenal job. Hmm.. The crazy thing is that I guess this is "just what I always wanted". And I didn't even know it.

1 comment:

I am so glad it only took you 4 years to figure this out!! it has taken me 11! Two months ago the Lord showed me I was created for Marty... Nothing more, nothing less... Not to take away from who "I AM" but to make it who "I AM"... Amazing how it is all in the "BOOK" yet we miss so many of the simple things that are just so simple. You were created for CHRIS... Nothing more nothing less, and through that a many many many generations of Swonke's are going to be blessed! Love you tons!