Twins May Look Alike, But They Count As 2

June 25, 1991|By Ann Landers.

Dear Ann Landers: It happened again last night, not once but twice. It was award night for my identical twin sons` basketball program. Two coaches were giving recognition to all the players on their teams.

Each coach had a set of identical twins on his team and in both cases, they were called up to be recognized together, as a pair.

My twin sons try desperately to be as different from each other as possible. Each wants to establish his own identity.

For example, ``Bob`` has short hair. ``Bill`` intentionally let his hair grow long. When they were very young, their friends learned quickly to tell them apart. Adults, on the other hand, don`t seem willing to make the effort. The following suggestions may be helpful in dealing with identical twins: 1. Remember that twins are individuals. On holidays and birthdays, they deserve separate gifts, cards and recognition.

2. Never honor twins as a pair. Each should be permitted to enjoy his or her moment of glory.

3. Make a genuine effort to tell twins apart. Even though they may look very much alike, there are some distinguishing features that you can identify if you are willing to try.

4. Most parents of twins don`t mind being stopped in the mall while strangers admire their look-alike darlings. If another sibling is present, remember to give him or her equal time.

5. Don`t assume that twins like the same things, or that they want to be together all the time. Spending time with each twin separately will help you get to know them as individuals and make telling them apart easier.

I`ve been reading your column for 30 years and have learned a great deal from you. I don`t recall this particular issue ever being discussed and thought you might be particularly sensitive to it since you are a twin.

Millions of people could benefit from this letter, and twins everywhere will applaud you if you print it.

Mom of Twins in Lansing, Mich.

Dear Michigan Mom: I have dealt with this problem before, but it has been several years and I`m happy to do so again. No twins, regardless of how much alike they may appear to be, are truly identical.

To treat them as if they are two halves of a single entity is insulting. It suggests that you are not interested enough to take the trouble to really know them.

It also deprives them of their individuality, the implication being that each one is only half a person.

Most people are surprisingly ignorant about how to deal with twins. I believe it is up to the twins and their families to educate them.

Dear Ann Landers: Thank God. You finally printed a column that explains why so many women avoid regular mammogram checkups. I have one more suggestion to help alleviate some of the discomfort.

All technologists should be advised not to release the clamp and let it drop down heavily on the breast. Guide it gently so it does not land with a thump.

Maybe if you print this, those technologists will be more gentle and we`ll come back next year.

P.W., Illinois

Dear P.W.: Thanks for the suggestion. Are you listening out there?

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