Changing Our Judgments in Sobriety

Changing Our Judgments in Sobriety

Our judgments of others can be an outcrop of parental views instilled in childhood. As we grow older, we form our own judgments and opinions. Sometimes we keep a parental view, and sometimes we move on. Getting sober begins a process of reconciliation with ourselves. Our self judgments can be extremely harsh when we look back at our full fledged addiction and subsequent behaviors.

In order for our recovery to progress, we need to look at our self judgments. Only then can we get to forgiveness. Our self judgments can be both current and old. In childhood, did we hear disparaging things said about us? If our grades weren’t good, did we think we were stupid? Did we measure ourselves against the smart kids in school? Perhaps we were uncoordinated and didn’t do well in sports.

Now is the time to have a talk with the judge in our minds. Sorry Miss, you’re not doing me any favors. I have a new life now, and I’m discovering I’m not so bad after all. In fact I’m clean and sober. It took a lot of willpower and inner strength to get me here! Our judge may be tenacious, and come back again and again, but each time, he or she will have less staying power.

As we turn away from self judgments, we can also scrutinize our judgments of others.

Perhaps due to unhealthy factors in our childhood home, our self judgments joined hands with low self esteem. Judging others could have been an unconscious coping mechanism for low self esteem, which was carried through childhood and into adulthood. Consider boys and girls who bully in school, or make fun of other kids.

There’s a method that can help us recognize the extent of our judgments. In our minds, we can raise a hand every time we make a judgment of ourselves or another. Now that we’ve come up against, and begun to recognize our judgments we can turn them around. Just as we need to cut ourselves some slack in sobriety, we can do the same for others. What if that unkempt looking man we just judged had just come from the hospital where he’d been up all night with his dying wife? How would we judge him then?

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Theresa

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