Linkbar

November 19, 2007

Confessions

Yesterday I bought a wee purple jumper from the baby girl clothes section.

But only after making sure February sits well within the store's window for returns.

I must have picked up that dress (so cute! so tiny!) and put it back down ten times before realizing IT'S JUST A PIECE OF CLOTHING. An Ethica SWAT team will not come banging down my door because I dared buy a dress for a girl who is not yet (and may never be) my daughter.

I have never regretted our decision to start our family via adoption. But it sure can make me crazy in the head sometimes.

14 comments:

Isn't it true though, the way we have to balance things out in fairness to everyone involved...

Its not fair to the exp. parent to assume placement will happen, so you wait and don't assume...

Its not fair to baby to not be in the frame of mind of the super-excited-you're-coming-welcome-to-the-world-baby-girl kind of mommy.

It takes talent/skill to be able to open your heart and protect it all at the same time.

On a more fun note--isn't it fun to buy girlie things, no matter who its for?? I have bought so many puppy dogs, fire trucks, etc. Saturday I went to BRU and picked up some sweet but simple purply outfits and pink swaddling blankets for Woob's little soon-to-be sister and it made my heart feel...frilly! :)

I remember while we were waiting for Widget and I went into Baby Gap with my sisters (one had just had a baby and one who was due in two months- both boys). I walked over to the sale rack and there were the CUTEST little dresses at $10-$15 each. I picked them up. Put them down. Picked them up. Asked my sisters what to do. And finally said, what the heck, if the placement didn't come to be, then I would just return them or give them to L.

After having had a failed match the year before, I really worked hard to not let myself assume the placement would happen but I also realized that I would probably feel the same way if it failed, whether I let myself prepare with excitement or not.

Prayers to you for having all the way until February before knowing. We only had 3 weeks for the two matches before we were placed with Widget.

I have a wee polka dotted onesie in my closet, in neutral green and white, waiting for a future child, whether I give birth to that child or adopt it. All is still unclear, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of happily looking ahead.

I did get sidetracked into a little daydream after posting that. A black-clad adoption SWAT team swooping into the offices of unethical agencies and attorneys across the country, beating them about the head with copies of the law code and Primal Wound.

A year ago, we were expecting our future child to join our family through the foster care system. Our social worker told us we'd have around 24 hours between the time we got the call about a potential placement and the time the baby moved in. When we learned how quickly the placement would happen, Petunia and I hit clearance racks and thrift stores from here to Boston and assembled complete gender neutral wardrobes from 0-3 months up through 3T. We figured we could always give away anything we didn't need.

When we got the call about Hester herself, we stopped buying clothes for an imaginary child and started thinking about clothes just for her. If Hester joined our family, we'd have a couple of months to prepare for her arrival because her parents were planning a private adoption, not a DSS adoption. I was scared to buy it, but my first purchase just for her was a bright red corduroy romper. I bought it in a 6-12 month size; I figured that if I was dreaming about becoming the adoptive mama of this little baby, I might as well go whole hog and imagine that we'd have a future together in which she grew up healthy and strong.

At ten months old, Hester wears that romper now. And you know what? Every time she does, my heart swells with remembering.

Best wishes to you and your family during this uncertain, yet hopeful, time.

I can totally relate! I feel like if I buy anything pink, I am totally jinxing myself. I haven't cut tags off ANYTHING specifically girly and keep all of my receipts. I was at BRU a couple of weeks ago going back and forth whether to branch out and buy pink hangers. HANGERS!!! What are they, like twelve cents a piece? Sheesh. Crazy in the head is right.

I can totally relate! Our little one is almost three months old, and I just now am ready to throw out the return tags for her crib bedding! I found them in my desk drawer the other day and thought, "wow, I don't have to return this!"

Even now, I've also caught myself hesitating about whether it is OK to buy her clothing for the next season ahead.

You hit on one of the hardest balancing acts for adoption-hopeful parents. It's limbo land! So many potential stories to imagine.

I have to admit I have some little baby girl clothes hidden away too. They are just so darling. I don't think I'll ever have a daughter, but I can't help myself holding on to the clothes. They are only clothes, after all.

I bought outfits, blankets and such for a little boy we did not get to parent. In fact, I even went so far as to make a "stork" for the front yard to announce his birth! (Don't shoot me! I wasn't going to put it in the yard until it was official!) When things "fell through" I was able to return the clothes and redo the sign for a friend's baby. Depressing, yes... but not entirely. I don't believe our paths crossed with that Mom and her little boy by chance. I still think about them both and believe they will always be in my heart and prayers. Hoping she was able to parent him, hoping they are both ok...

We're also in limbo land (though we don't have a match yet, so I'm sure we have much more limbo land to come) and my first instinct is to buy nothing, prepare nothing, and pretend as though this isn't happening, just to protect myself from emotional involvement or pain. I have no idea if this is healthy behavior or not on my part. It's probably excessive.

I suspect neither God nor Ethica will strike you down for a little surreptitious baby dress-purchasing. :) Everything I just wrote aside, my weakness is baby shoes--my husband's mockery is the only thing stopping me.

Cool beans

OPEN ADOPTION BLOGGERS

Open Adoption Bloggers is a group of writers from all sides of open adoption. The list has grown to almost three hundred blogs by adult adoptees, first parents, adoptive parents, professionals, and family members. Come explore our blogroll!