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Do I get it?

A writer’s journey

It’s been a while since I have worked on various writing projects. Before getting into any project I am quite confident about it but as I move deeper in the subject, I realise the difficulties. There are times when I feel that I am getting nowhere and then there are times when I think that what ever I have written is good but I don’t get same reaction from others. There could be various reasons about it, for example; everyone has their own sense of understanding and people could be completely on different level in understanding same topic.

So, lets talk about the current project I am on, the protagonist of my story is in love with a homosexual friend of his. Now, if I go on thinking like a straight person and try to interpret the situation of my protagonist, I might be able to get it correct but if I have to project or show, what his love interest is going through, I need to know what actually happens. And in our society it’s bad enough to be born as a straight girl (pls do not start a conversation about woman empowerment now! ), I can not imagine what might be going through in the head of a girl who is homosexual. Taboo ka baap!

Since I wanted an authentic voice in my writing, I started looking for the real people, who are of different sexualities. Few of my close friends are gay, so first, I talked to them but they told me that they don’t know what exactly a lesbian might be feeling because being gay is completely different from being lesbian. Now, that was a blow I did not see coming. In my head I had put all homosexuals in one group. But now if I see and recollect the behaviours, likings and other traits of each and every individual, they are completely different from one another.

Another blow that came directly on my face was when I talked to some lesbian beings and I realised that not everyone was open about talking about their story. I do completely respect their opinion but then for me as a writer it again becomes an alienated space, where if I write something on my own, I might be judgemental and stereotype about things but on the other hand I cannot force people to share their stuff with me.