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The tortured, iconic marriage of Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio began on this day in 1954 in San Francisco city hall.

It ended in October after 10 months of emotional and physical abuse of the actress by the retired baseball star. Monroe filed for divorce, yet DiMaggio remained loyal — obsessed, really — the rest of her life, which ended in August of 1962. Which of course also is an entirely different story. I believe the term star-crossed was invented for people like Monroe and DiMaggio . . .

Speaking of which, Portsmouth. The dysfunction just keeps on giving to the news media. The sheriff chases down the mayor over an expired inspection sticker. The mayor won’t stop. What’s described as a “low-speed pursuit” ensues. TV news cameras somehow are there to capture it all. Amazing. And on and on . . .

Chip Kelly, hired by the San Francisco 49ers. I admit I’m surprised, and I predict a bad experience for the Niners and their fans. For however much of an offensive mastermind he supposedly is, and that is highly debatable after his flameout in Philly, Kelly seems a zero in the people skills/leadership department. Does he command a locker room and the grown men on a roster, or is he an eccentric whose eccentricities wear out professionals? I think he’s the latter. Good luck, SF.

This week’s games: New England beats Kansas City in the first AFC Division playoff game, although I am hardly in with both feet on that one, and on Sunday, Denver beats visiting Pittsburgh. In the NFC, Arizona wins at home over Green Bay, and Carolina takes out the Seattle Seahawks. I have spoken.

Here’s a bit of what I’ve learned this week: new ways in which marine biologists can track the whereabouts of sea creatures to reduce bycatch — accidental catches that damage gear and animals — and keep open more fishing grounds, thus helping the fisherman’s economy; that the ranks of women in physics, while still small, are ever-expanding (much like the universe. Um, is the universe expanding?); and that the fabulous Gus Tebell in the 1930s was the head coach of football, basketball AND baseball, at the same time, at the University of Virginia (!). It’s good I’m still learning via writing jobs, ‘cause I’m not reading as much as I need to be.

Old dogs are just challenges, man. Suffice to say my boy Ollie’s continence just isn’t what it used to be. But then again, neither is . . . ah, never mind.