She wants to know if co-worker is flirting

July 31, 2006

ANNIE'S MAILBOX KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR Dear Annie, How can you tell when someone is flirting with you? I find myself attracted to one of my co-workers. We joke and kid with each other, and sometimes have heated debates over different issues. I've been married for three years, and I'm a little out of practice. I can't tell if his friendly demeanor and extra-long stares are just him being friendly or a sign of something else. Even before I was married, I could never tell when a guy was flirting with me. My friends would have to alert me when it was happening. So, what signs should I look for to tell if he's interested in me personally or just fascinated by my conversation? Dazed and ConfusedDear Dazed, We wonder why you are looking at all. In an office where male and female co-workers converse frequently, flirting often comes with the territory, and it can be completely innocent. A married woman should treat it just as it appears -- no more, no less. Dear Annie, My 8-year-old daughter takes a dance class. While she is no Paula Abdul, she has fun, and it really helps in terms of physical activity, developing friendships with other children, introduction to an art, etc. A few weeks ago, the girls performed at their annual recital. My sister was supposed to baby-sit my 3-year-old son, but she became ill and had to cancel at the last minute. My husband was working, so I had no choice but to take my son with us. While helping my daughter prepare, I had my son in the dressing room for about 40 minutes. After the performance, we walked back to the dressing room. I was stopped at the door by another mother and told I couldn't take my son inside. I laughed and said we'd already been in there. We walked in to get my daughter's belongings, and as we left, I overheard this same woman complaining about me. I went over to her and explained that I didn't have a sitter. She said too bad, I still shouldn't take him into the dressing room because the girls were completely naked and her 8-year-old daughter was offended. Annie, my son doesn't even know the difference between boys and girls, and he was certainly not watching them dress. He was more interested in being with his sister and playing with his toys. I apologized to the woman for offending her daughter, but said, "He's only 3. Tell her to get over it." I couldn't just leave my son in the hallway. What do you say? The Last Dance in PennsylvaniaDear Last Dance, A 3-year-old is not sexually interested in girls, and since you had no other place to leave your son, it was fine to bring him into the dressing room. However, an 8-year-old girl can be embarrassed by any number of things, including being naked in front of a toddler, so please cut her some slack. Dear Annie, I am writing in response to your reply to "Worried Mom." I was a "good kid" in high school, but while I maintained excellent grades, my parents, to this day, don't know many of the things I did and lied about. I consider myself lucky to have found common sense and a strong faith immediately after graduating. I believe if my parents had been more consistent in their disciplinary efforts rather than having "heartfelt talks," I would have fared better. Too many hugs and not enough action produce disrespect. Awake in the WestDear Awake, Heartfelt talks should not take the place of appropriate discipline, but neither should discipline be all there is. A parent who is too lax is just as ineffective as one who is too strict. Thanks for your perspective.