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Here are two videos of comedy duo Kumamushi (クマムシ) doing their comedy routine “Attakaindakara” (あったかいんだから/’Cause It’s Warm), in which one man imagines being reborn as a girl and becoming an idol while his partner insults him:

Here’s the official music video of “Attakaindakara” after it was released as an actual song:

The results will be broadcast live on Fuji TV starting at 7:00 (updated–I was wrong, sorry) and going for a staggering 5 HOURS AND 10 MINUTES. I guess that’s what happens when the election goes all the way to 80th place this year…(it “only” went to 64th place last year).

According to the May 21 early report (速報発表), which was released after only one day of voting, last year’s winner, Rino Sashihara (指原莉乃) was in first place. My oshimen, Mayu Watanabe (渡辺麻友), was in second place, but around 8,000 votes separated her and Sashihara. Come on, Mayuyu! You can do it!

I did vote, by the way.

I bought my “Labrador Retriever” single, which contained the above voting code, at around 2:00 pm on May 20, the day it was released. Even then, the limited version (初回限定盤/shokai gentei ban) of the Type-B single was sold out, so I wound up buying the normal edition (通常盤/tsuujou ban). Covers:

Even though it’s the Type-B version, there is not a single picture of Mayuyu to be found anywhere on the jacket or the liner notes! What? Apparently, she’s on the Type-A version.

Here are the bonus photographs I received with my single:

A two-shot of Haruka Shimazaka (島崎遥香) and Sayaka Yamamoto (山本彩), and one of Kanon Kimoto (木本花音).

There are 3 songs on the Type-B “Labrador Retriever” single:

First is “Labrador Retriever” (ラブラドール・レトリーバー), a very nice and sunny and slightly retro summer song. The Japanese lyrics and my shot at translating them are at the bottom of this post.

The second track is “Kyou Made no Melody” (今日までのメロディー/The Melody Up To Today), Yuko Oshima’s (大島優子) graduation song. It’s a pretty meh song, but I’m sure Oshima fans love it.

The last track is “B-Garden” (Bガーデン), where all of the current AKB48 Team B members each say their own nickname while the group sings a short blurb about each of them. It kind of reminds me of Morning Musume’s (モーニング娘。) “Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari” (女子かしまし物語/Chatty Girls’ Story).

There’s a DVD included with the CD, too, which includes the music videos for those 3 tracks, and part of the making-of video for the “Labrador Retriever” PV (great if you love dogs!).

The lyrics to “Labrador Retriever” and my translation of them are under the jump.

See you all tonight for the election results! Hit me up on Twitter @squeekzoid if you’re live-tweeting.

The assailant was 24-year-old hikikomori Satoru Umeta (梅田悟). He has admitted his guilt. Umeta’s mother released a statement saying that she couldn’t find the words to apologize, and also that she had never seen any AKB48 goods around the house or heard Umeta talk about them. The day before the attack, Umeta left the house to go on a walk, and his mother was unable to contact him. She heard about the attack when a TV station contacted her.

There were five members in the handshake event tent Umeta entered. Kawei and Iriyama were the two closest to the entrance. Central members including Mayu Watanabe (渡辺麻友), Haruna Kojima (小嶋陽菜), Minami Takahashi (高橋みなみ), etc., were also in attendance, although in different tents.

An NMB48 high-five event planned for yesterday evening in Osaka was cancelled, and an SKE48 handshake event taking place in Nagoya was halted. SKE48 members were seen crying after hearing the news of the attack on the AKB48 members.

Hiroshi Yuasa (湯浅洋), manager of the AKB48 theater, commented that the security at these events must be reconsidered.

At an AKB48 handshake event in Iwate Prefecture, a man suddenly pulled a 50 cm. (~20 in.) saw out of his bag, and attacked some members in the handshake lane he was in. One male staff member was injured, as were AKB48 members Rina Kawaei (川栄李奈), 19 years old, and Anna Iriyama (入山杏奈), 18 years old. The severity of their injuries has not yet been announced, but responding police and fire officers said that all three victims were conscious. The 24-year-old assailant was promptly detained by the people around him, and was arrested on the charge of attempted murder.

According to NHK, staff were checking that the handshake event attendees did not have weapons in their hands, but the contents of people’s bags were not being examined. This is a major security failure that I sincerely hope is rectified by the next time one of these types of meet-and-greet events occurs.

As you can see in this video, at handshake events, attendees can shake hands with AKB48 members directly, with only a table between them. A staff member stands close by with a stopwatch making sure that fans move along after their allotted time is up and that they don’t try to get too close to the members, but there is sadly little preventing attacks like the one that happened today.

An 18-year-old man who has attended AKB48’s handshake events at least 10 times said he has seen occurrences like fans aggressively proposing marriage to their favorite members, and people screaming “You betrayed me!” at members in a loud voice at these types of events, but that male staff members immediately respond when these situations occur. One male fan commented, “It’s a shame that this attack happened, but considering what’s happened in the past, I’m not really surprised.”

We don’t know what the attacker’s motivation was, but this sort of thing could happen again, and considering the sheer number of people who attend these events, it’s almost amazing that it took this long for a physical attack on an AKB48 member to happen. It sounds like security for these events needs to be seriously stepped up to ensure the safety of AKB48 members and staff members.

Here is Kawaei performing “Hasute to Wasute” (ハステとワステ) as the center of BKA48 (starting at 2:50):

Here is Glico’s Papico (パピコ) ice cream commercial starring Mariko Tsukamoto (塚本まり子), the 37-year-old homemaker from Nara Prefecture who passed AKB48’s Otona AKB48 (大人AKB48/Adult AKB48) audition, the goal of which was find a woman aged 30 or up to join AKB48, for the main purpose of appearing in this commercial.

According to AKpedia, Tsukamoto’s hobby (趣味/shumi) and special ability (特技/tokugi) are both “raising children (子育て/kosodate).” So, naturally, her big number for the Papico commercial is called “Oshiete Mommy” (教えてMommy/Tell Me, Mommy). Perhaps her job within AKB48 is to appeal to fans who have, uh, mommy issues. You can see my translation of “Oshiete Mommy” here.

This isn’t the first time AKB48 has inducted a new “member” for the sole purpose of appearing in a Glico commercial. In 2011, a new member named Aimi Eguchi (江口愛実) appeared in Glico’s Aisu no Mi (アイスの実/Ice Fruit) commercials. Eguchi was actually a composite CG character made up of parts of the faces of 6 AKB48 members, and her name stood for “EGUCHI Glico AIsu no MI.” Eguchi looked great in still pictures, but the CM got a bit uncanny-valley:

Aimi Eguchi was unceremoniously “graduated” from AKB48 in 2013, when her official profile was deleted from AKB48’s website. Let’s hope they let Mariko Tsukamoto go a little more gently.