Thursday, March 7, 2013

a memory pillow

It has been 6 months . . .

I'm not sure what else to say. Some of these months have been the worst of my life. But I have prayed for strength nearly every day.

Father, please provide me the strength to get through today and the courage to love others.
He has delivered. I still struggle through some days and I get angry with myself sometimes. I don't do well in a cloud of depair. I am a happy person and I avoid situations that make me feel otherwise. But some days the weight of the sadness hits me so hard. I try to cry out the emotion, but it doesn't work. Sometimes it lingers for an extra day or two . . . and then it's gone for a while.

I struggle more with the 'courage to love others' part. People can be insensitive even when they have the best intentions. We all get wrapped up in ourselves sometimes and we forget or don't consider how our actions or words will affect another. I have little patience for people at these times, but He is helping me work on it.

I cried when I finished this pillow. It's just hard knowing what the pillow represents: the memory of precious love lost to me, not forever, but for now. But the pillow makes me smile whenever I see it. The colors are fun and vibrant. And, of course, I love to see his name.

faith.hope.love. Through this lens, this world is a much better place.