1988 George Lucas Calls 2011 George Lucas an “Egotistical Gangster”

By now you’ve no doubt heard that the upcoming Blu-ray release of the Star Wars movies will feature a few alterations to the original trilogy, including blinking Ewoks, a new door to Jabba’s lair, and worst of all, Darth Vader shouting “NO!” as he throws Emperor Palpatine to his death in Return of the Jedi, instead of being all silent and Vader-like. (*takes deep breath, puffs inhaler*)

Now, the site SaveStarWars has dug up an old speech George Lucas made before congress in 1988 arguing for cinematic preservation. In it, the old George Lucas basically calls 2011 George Lucas a barbarian. It’s an impassioned speech, but sadly, 2011 George Lucas just laughed and stuffed handfuls of money into his slavering neck pouch, ordering his boy servants to bring him more cats for breakfast. “CHOMF CHOMF CHOMF!” he belched, poking at a bikini-clad boy with his slimy tentacle.

[Quoth the Lucas, circa 1988]
American works of art belong to the American public; they are part of our cultural history.
People who alter or destroy works of art and our cultural heritage for profit or as an exercise of power are barbarians, and if the laws of the United States continue to condone this behavior, history will surely classify us as a barbaric society.
These current defacements are just the beginning. Today, engineers with their computers can add color to black-and-white movies, change the soundtrack, speed up the pace, and add or subtract material to the philosophical tastes of the copyright holder. Tomorrow, more advanced technology will be able to replace actors with “fresher faces,” or alter dialogue and change the movement of the actor’s lips to match. It will soon be possible to create a new “original” negative with whatever changes or alterations the copyright holder of the moment desires. The copyright holders, so far, have not been completely diligent in preserving the original negatives of films they control. In order to reconstruct old negatives, many archivists have had to go to Eastern bloc countries where American films have been better preserved.
In the future it will become even easier for old negatives to become lost and be “replaced” by new altered negatives. This would be a great loss to our society. Our cultural history must not be allowed to be rewritten.There is nothing to stop American films, records, books, and paintings from being sold to a foreign entity or egotistical gangsters and having them change our cultural heritage to suit their personal taste.
I accuse the companies and groups, who say that American law is sufficient, of misleading the Congress and the People for their own economic self-interest.
I accuse the corporations, who oppose the moral rights of the artist, of being dishonest and insensitive to American cultural heritage and of being interested only in their quarterly bottom line, and not in the long-term interest of the Nation.
The public’s interest is ultimately dominant over all other interests. And the proof of that is that even a copyright law only permits the creators and their estate a limited amount of time to enjoy the economic fruits of that work.
There are those who say American law is sufficient. That’s an outrage! It’s not sufficient! If it were sufficient, why would I be here? Why would John Houston have been so studiously ignored when he protested the colorization of “The Maltese Falcon?” Why are films cut up and butchered?
I hope you have the courage to lead America in acknowledging the importance of American art to the human race, and accord the proper protection for the creators of that art–as it is accorded them in much of the rest of the world communities.”

Well said. Unfortunately, Lucas owns the Star Wars copyright (even though, technically, he only directed the first film in the original trilogy) and can alter his films as he sees fit. Knowing what we know now, it seems like a lot of what people loved about the original Star Wars were created out of decisions made over Lucas’s head that he fought the whole way. It’d be like if a group of guys were trying to build a house, and one of them kept saying stuff like, “No, we should put the foundation on the roof!” And the other guys ignored him but still let him put his name on it. And then thirty years later the guy was like, “Well it’s my house now, and I’m going to put the foundation on the roof. And windows in the basement, and a big playhouse in the living room for my kitties… And rabbits, millions of ’em! Purple ones, yellow ones, pink ones! And we’ll all live off the fatta the land…”

Goddamn. Was young George Lucas replaced by an evil clone intent on destroying Lucas’ work?

By: Moose

09.01.2011 @ 3:51 PM

I’m all for movies being changed and re-edited, so get started on replacing Jar Jar Binks with a talking kangaroo and Hayden
Christensen with a toaster, George.

By: Jessolido

09.01.2011 @ 3:53 PM

The only upside to take from all this is that they didn’t use that long, drawn out “NOOOOO!” from Episode III

By: Moose

09.01.2011 @ 3:56 PM

Altering Yoda with CGI and remasterd audio – Now that’s Gangsta.

By: Crapbasket

09.01.2011 @ 3:56 PM

Far be it from me to defend Georgie Lickass or anything, but I don’t get your comparison here Vinky. He is taking his own work and updating it with new tech and changing little things that were absent or not possible in the original works. But they are his to do with as he pleases. His comments relate to others, solely due to their ownership of something, altering works to suit their wants and whims regardless of the intentions or wishes of the creator. I would say that there is a big difference between the two. Was the late 90’s rerelease of the original three SW movies with updated effects a cynical cash grab, or an updated polishing of a classic set of work and a reintroduction to a new generation? The old effects still hold up against modern techniques and the updates really added nothing to the films, so one could be a proponent of the former. But, having taken my kids to the theater to see them I would endorse the latter. Most importantly Cat Muncher is intimately involved in the process of modifying his works.
[+ dick joke]

By: Jessolido

09.01.2011 @ 3:56 PM

Also, that’s a damned fine photo captioning!

By: Larry

09.01.2011 @ 4:02 PM

I think a more egregious example of an auteur stepping on his own dick was when Coppola re-released Apocalypse Now: Rederp. You got that one right the first time dude.

Lucas may be on decades-long project to convince 40-something Star Wars fiends to get lives. Kevin Smith–you were 7 when the first one came out. No shit you didn’t like Phantom Menace when you were 29. Anyway, Mo’Neck’s best movie is still American Graffiti.

By: Vince Mancini

09.01.2011 @ 4:03 PM

Yes, the difference is that he’s altering his own work (sort of). Did you not read my last paragraph? I admit, it was long, and I generally prioritize jokes over fairness.

By: Burnsy

09.01.2011 @ 4:05 PM

Oddly, I just found this article that Damon Lindelof wrote about George Lucas:

“Slurrrrrrrrrrrp… gag… slurrrrrrrrrrrp.”

By: Patty Boots

09.01.2011 @ 4:06 PM

I liked the 90’s re-release, because it meant that I got to see them in theaters for the first time.

And, really, the changes wouldn’t be bad if he’d stop releasing new and “improved” versions every couple of years. That’s what makes it seem like a cynical cash grab.

Besides, people love the movies as is. Why keep messing with a good thing?

By: Mister Mike

09.01.2011 @ 4:07 PM

It’s almost like George Lucas was a promising young filmmaker… that got seduced by some sort of dark side… and became a powerful and destructive force within the very medium that made him great. Hm… Sounds familiar…

By: Vince Mancini

09.01.2011 @ 4:11 PM

Don’t forget though, the only one of the original three that George Lucas actually directed was Episode IV. So him altering the other two is kind of like a producer’s cut. Calling it cutting “his own” work is pretty blurry.

By: The Jersey Devil

09.01.2011 @ 4:16 PM

Spock does not approve.

By: Crapbasket

09.01.2011 @ 4:42 PM

I know your priorities sweetums. I just think it was a bit of a reach. This is just the kind of shit that Ian Hands (or whoever) was talking about you bitter cunt! And sure Kersher and Marquand “directed” the other two, but not really. Lucas’ hands were in every single aspect of the films, they were more of glorified camera operators than directors.

By: Wadatah

09.01.2011 @ 4:48 PM

Whatever. As a big Star Wars fan I realized a while ago this sort of shit is not worth getting worked up over. Rather than start a petition or some such internet bullshit I’m just going to pretend this doesn’t exist, like how I pretend Crystal Skull and Episodes I to III don’t.

By: Jack Burton

09.01.2011 @ 5:00 PM

I don’t give a damn. Go back and watch the original trilogy. It’s not as good as you remember. Yes, Lucas is making it worse. But I can barely sit through Jedi without wanting to pull my hair out, the dialogue sucks so bad and the plot is so nonsensical.

By: Rapax

09.01.2011 @ 5:13 PM

@crapbasket:

Except that Lucas alone isn’t responsible for the original trilogy and what makes it “good” in people’s memories. He’s a guy who got very VERY lucky with an idea he had and the fact that he had a lot of talented friends like Coppola and Spielberg who were willing to help him out along the way.

Vince has it exactly right when he supposes that Star Wars became a success DESPITE Lucas because all the BS, all the shitty ideas, all the muppets, Jar-Jar’s, Jango Fett’s, that’s all Lucas ideas. Most of what people think sucks about both the old and especially new trilogy is Lucas own handiwork. Do you think it’s a surprise the original is revered as classic and the new one, ALL LUCAS, is considered a steaming pile?

You’re right in that Marquand was a glorified camera operator but that’s also why Return of the Jedi is the worst of the original trilogy and a “prequel to the prequels” if you will. As for “Empire Strikes Back”, Lucas wasn’t even around for most of the shooting, mostly just calling in to see how things went. The fact that Empire was so critically acclaimed infuriated him and why? Because he had the least to do with it. In his own words “it was better than it should have been”.

Bottom line, the man is an absolute hack who knows how to make money but little else when it comes to movies. The problem isn’t updating special effects but making changes that effect the tone and mood of entire scenes.

The most obvious example is the “Han shot first” ridiculousness. Han didn’t shoot first, he was the ONLY ONE to shoot because that’s who Han Solo is, a drug smuggler with a strong survival instinct. He’s not gonna wait around for the other guy WHO HAS HIS GUN POINTED RIGHT AT HIM, to pull the trigger first. Lucas is a moron who understands nothing of how these movies and its characters work. Plain and simple.

The only thing we can wait for is Lucas kicking the bucket so someone talented can remake the whole thing.

By: Floyd Gardens

09.02.2011 @ 1:27 AM

Lucas is just fixing Star Wars cannon. Having spent the three prequel movies making Darth Vader a little bitch, he had to correct the original trilogy for continuity.

By: JL

09.02.2011 @ 11:01 AM

I think you’re all missing something. What the Sarlacc-Lucas wants is more money, so it makes changes that let it re-release now. This sets it up in five years to re-release the platinum remastered original director’s cut, in time for Christmas at $249.

By: Lurtzello

09.03.2011 @ 5:07 AM

Hello there, we are trying to re-create this speec using fans voices and then upload it to YouTube.
More info at [www.youtube.com]