"The baby boomers were historically fortunate: they missed the Great Depression and World War II, and though they grew up with the hideous ambient hum of potential nuclear Armageddon, until they reached middle age, the only great national trauma was the one — the '60s and Vietnam — in which they were the self-regarding stars. The so-called millennials, on the other hand, have come of age during a period defined by the digital revolution, 9/11, financial bubbles bursting, a possible depression and the election — possibly their election — of an African-American President: the makings, frankly, of a healthier, more useful generational creation myth than assassinations, antiwar protests and countercultural bacchanalia (which, by the way, enabled the risk-taking, party-hearty, quasi-utopian paradigm of the past quarter-century). In other words, the kids are all right."- The End of Excess: Is This Crisis Good for America?, TIME

When I was in fifth grade, I heard a bunch of rumors about what middle school was like. There was one thing in particular that blew my mind and it's this:

If you walk up the "down" staircase or down the "up" staircase, you're gonna get a DETENTION.

In fifth grade I lived gemly (as I did in sixth grade and every other year of school to this day), and therefore was more than slightly opposed to getting in trouble. Ever. For any reason. And so I stressed: HOW WOULD I KNOW WHICH STAIRCASE IS WHICH?! WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO MY FUTURE IF I GOT DETENTION?!

As it turned out, only hoodlums walked up the wrong staircases, because the stairs were clearly labeled, and it would have been crazy to move against the flow of traffic. I remained well within the law as usual.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Guys, I don't know why but I'm having trouble posting comments back to you. As I try to fix the problem, please do not think that I'm ignoring you or that I do not appreciate your feedback. I really do.

Lucky, nobody likes a tease. No one's going to feel bad for you because the kids are always after your Lucky Charms, because you're just ASKING FOR IT. I mean, can you blame the kids for chasing after you-- the cereal is DELICICIOUS, and you're just prancing around with it right under their noses. Either give the kids the cereal or don't. Stop dicking around.

Fruity Pebbles

I can't decide if I want Barney to get the cereal or Fred to keep it. Frankly, I wish there was some way for neither of them to get it, because I'm not a huge fan of either of them.

Peanut Butter Crunch

Peanut Butter Crunch is the best. I hope the Captain is ALWAYS successful in getting it back.

Now, for the Idiot parade:

Reese's Puffs Cereal

Seriously, tweenaged Vanessa Hudgens? People have been saying that they ate Reese's for breakfast for decades and you STILL don't know that they mean Reese's Puff Cereal? Seriously?

Guys check this out. The New York Times has this really cool multimedia feature on its website called One in 8 Million, and what it is is stories told by sort of average New Yorkers with accompanying black and white photographs.

It has made my heart so full with love for New York I can barely contain it! I can't wait to come back this summer and go hang out in Central Park and walk over the Manhattan Bridge and go see some shows and check out the pier, GAH! And now I'm falling crazily in love with the Times website because I'm finding all these other new things! Yum discovery.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

"Chutes and Ladders was perhaps the most sadistic board game ever invented. Adults loathed the game; children loved it. The universe thus dictated that an adult invariably got snookered into playing the game with a child. Certain rolls of the dice entitled you to certain movements on the board, some of which movements entitled you to move up ladders toward the base of the golden ladder at the top of the board (the climbing of which ladder represented the ultimate telos and reward-in-itself of the whole game). Moving up ladders was desirable because it saved time and spins and tiresome movements on the board, square by square. Except there were chutes. Certain rolls of the dice got you into board positions where you fell into chutes and slid ass-over-teakettle all the way down to the bottom of the board, where the whole process started all over again. The chances of falling into chutes increased as you climbed more ladders and got higher and higher. A long and tedious climb up ladder after ladder until the End was in sight was usually nixed by a plummet down one of the seven chutes whose mouths yawned near the base of the golden ladder at the top. The children found this sudden dashing of hopes and return to the recreational drawing board unbelievably fun. The game made Lenore feel like throwing the board at the wall." -Brooom of the System by David Foster Wallace

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

In high school, if you get assigned a five page paper you FREAK. THE FUCK. OUT. It takes a month to write. You peer edit about twenty times. And the night before you're like OH MY GOD I ONLY HAVE THREE PAGES. And it's always about Huck Finn.

In college, if you get assigned a five page paper it is no. big. deal. You wait to start thinking about it until 10 PM. You start writing at 12 AM. You haven't even read the book. It is no big deal. It is always about structuralism.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Ever notice how in like five hundred movies or TV shows there's this scene where some kid has a problem and very predictably tells an adult about it in a roundabout way? Here's an example of something you've seen a billion times. It's never cute.

Sally (nervously): So I have this friend see, her name is...umm...Hally!Mom (smiling knowingly because she knows Sally is really talking about a problem SHE has): Oh, I see...Sally: And well, she like this boy. But she doesn't know if she likes him back! What should she do?Mom: Well, Sally, let me tell you a story about a girl who ALSO really liked a boy. She liked him so much that she thought she would die. Then one day she finally asked him out and he said yes!Sally: Hmmm...Mom: You know who that girl was? It was me. And the boy- it's your father.Sally: WOW, really?! Thanks a lot, I really- (embarrassed) I mean HALLY will really think that's helpful.Mom(chuckling because she knows they BOTH know that the problem is really about Sally, not Hally): Run along now...

IS THIS NOT INFURIATING?! I DARE YOU TO TELL ME THIS IS NOT INFURIATING! I DARE YOU TO TELL ME IT HASN'T HAPPENED LIKE 20 TIMES ON FULL HOUSE.

"I mean, there is no freedom of movement or right of assembly for youth. I mean, the only permitted legal activity anymore is, is being in a mall shopping. I mean, cruising has been totally eliminated because it's ... it leads to gang warfare or some other crazy notion. The beaches are patrolled by helicopters and, and police dune buggies. It's illegal to sleep on the, the beach anymore....People go to the desert to live in armed compounds and to tear up the Joshua trees instead of to, you know, to find the freedom that you used to be able to find in, in, you know, the desert." - Twilight Los Angeles, 1992 by Anna Deavere Smith (page 31)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Have you ever talked to someone, and when you say a sentence, he/she'll take the last part of that sentence, make it a question right back to you, and maybe say mmm after it? Most of the time it's a women who does it. All of the time it's annoying.

I have had a conversation like this in the past. I don't know when. But I most definitely witnessed it on the train today and that's what made me think of telling you about it.

For example (didn't actually happen):

PERSON: Yeah, so I'm going for my BA at Emerson College.LADY: Emerson College?PERSON: Yeah, and then I'm thinking of heading out West, you know, get in touch with nature.LADY: Get in touch with nature?PERSON: Why are you doing that?LADY: Doing that?

You get the picture. It's a weird thing and I don't know how common it is, but I really hope it isn't, for everyone's sake.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

If I was any more in love with Lost in Translation I think I would explode. This movie breaks my heart every time.

CHARLOTTE I'm stuck. Does it get easier.

BOB No, yes, it does...

CHARLOTTE Yeah? But look at you.

BOB Thanks. It does, the more you know who you are... you don't care about things the same way...

CHARLOTTE I just don't know what I'm supposed to be. I thought maybe I wanted to be a writer... but I hate what I write, and I tried taking pictures, but John's so good at that, and mine are so mediocre... and every girl goes through a photography phase, like horses, you know dumb pictures of your feet...

I like at least 9/10 of the things on the full list! Oh no! I guess I'm very very white. But I can't help it and I'm not going to deny it. In fact I've done the very opposite of denying it by showing you today.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I'm writing a paper about new media right now for my honors class and stumbled upon this gem of an anecdote from one of the essays I read during research:

About 10 years ago, a group of McClatchy executives asked the founding editor of Wired magazine where he thought the Internet would rank among human inventions. Was it like television or, perhaps even more profound, like moveable type?

“I think,” Kevin Kelly told us, “that it’s more like fire.”

Let's discuss. Do you think the Internet is as significant a discovery as fire? Honestly, this quote freaked me out. I'm not exactly sure why.

Being in a foreign country for a week, I had time to reflect, to think about things that matter in my life, to really use the old noggin. I came to a number of conclusions about a number of important subjects.

So let's talk about Lizzie McGuire. First:

Why does Miranda exist?

Miranda has no purpose on Lizzie McGuire. She isn't funny. She has no skills (except I think playing the violin, but they just made that up for one episode). She doesn't have a crush on Lizzie. That's why they managed to get away with saying she was on "vacation" during the entire movie in which everyone ELSE was on vacation in the movie! It made no sense but nobody cared because Miranda is useless, and would have done better for herself if she had been left on a deserted island (with a copy of Harry Potter 4 of course). And this is her myspace

Why does Gordo like Lizzie?

Here's the deal. Everyone loves David Gordon -- his luscious jewfro, his awkward yet endearing kid-next-door personality, and his well-placed sarcasm. Who can resist? The answer: Lizzie. One might be tempted to ask, primarily, why Lizzie would not be interested in such a charming young man. However, the more important question is why would such a charming young man be interested in Lizzie? Love her or hate her (hate her), Lizzie is not Gordo's type. She's clumsy, and whiny, and has had a crush on this weird douchebag (more on that later) for like twelve and half years. Gordo is in a whole different league. This is why Gordo's love for Lizzie is his only character flaw. I feel bad for Gordo and I think he should be consoled with a giant tub of gelato (his favorite).

Why are the "attractive" characters not attractive? Why does Lizzie get to conveniently have a flair for singing only in the movie? Why the orange bouncy balls?These are important questions for which I simply don't have an answer. Lizzie McGuire was sort of the beginning of the end of the era of good Disney Channel shows, which once included Smart Guy and Even Stevens. After the show was canceled, nothing good happened to any of the actors. Miranda pled guilty to crystal meth possession. Ethan Craft started playing water polo. And as we all know, Lizzie turned into a horse.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Let us tell you about the worst place in the world. Oh man is it terrible. It sucks. A whole bunch.

First of all, everyone has explosive diarrhea every day.

Second of all, chocolate does not exist. It was never invented.

Third of all, when people see you they SPIT ON YOUR SHOES! Then they insult your mother.

The king of our dystopia, which is now called Agonyville, is Miley Cyrus. Miley rules Agonyville with an iron fist. Everyone must boy down to her and listen to her music all the time. Also everyone wears shackles and there are no colors. The forecast for Agonyville today is rain with a chance of killer tornadoes and volcanoes.

There is no sun in Agonyville. It exploded so instead we have a giant fluorescent lightbulb in the sky. It hurts everyone's eyes and the whole world is like an office building.

People have to go to school all day long forever and they only study rocks and math. You can never be comfortable here, instead of pillows and blankets, we have rocks and rocks.

Instead of having a magical creature for a pet, or like a kitty or whatever, you get a cockroach, a beetle, or a giant slug. If you do want a kitty for a pet, you can only get a dead one. And those are no fun in case you didn't know.

Instead of music we have the sound of loud machinery. The instruments people use are loud machinery. When people hear this music they tear out their hair instead of dancing. The most popular dance here is the Kill Yourself in which you actually kill yourself. It's not really dancing. Not in the slightest.

The only smells here are sewage, garbage, and skunk. The only colognes and perfumes are also sewage, garbage, and skunk. Everything smells bad.

Another thing you should know about this place is that everyone hates everyone. Friendship is not even invented here. If you like someone, you're supposed to kick, punch, or fist that person in the face until they pass out. Then you get married forever.

Everyone here wears clothes from Abercrombie & Death. There's never a sale and everything looks totally drab. It's all expensive. A tee shirt costs 2 million dollars. Minimum wage is one penny. This is a bad situation.

Every thursday lava comes down from Mount Hideous and kills all the coolest people and all the hot ones.

You always spill your coffee on yourself. Your alarm never goes off when it's supposed to. Your clothes always shrink in the laundry. Every day is a bad hair day. You always have to pee really bad and can't find a bathroom. You always fart when everyone can hear you. You always forget your keys and your wallet. You always get speeding tickets. Something terrible happens to you every hour on the hour.

Fun is AGAINST THE LAW.

The mascot of Agonyville is Rupert, the Three Legged Puppy. The colors are grey and dark grey. They clash and look bad on everyone and make you look fat in your outfit which if you forgot costs like a billion dollars. The national pasttime of Agonyville is hweeping and also watching clowns!

The only food available is burnt toast. There are ALWAYS PUBES IN YOUR FUDE. The food takes forever to make. It goes STRAIGHT to your hips. Literally. Everyone has really big hips.

THe number one rule of Agonyville is that you must have the worst day of your life every day of your life. If it's going well you go to jail. Everyone's pants are too short.

No one has poetry bands. Poetry bands don't exist in this world. If you have a poetry band you are considered a criminal and go to jail without a phone call to your bandmate.

Your parents don't love you. In fact they try to ruin your life every day and embarrass you and shit. Like they'll say "What's up,G?" to your friends and shit. And your friends will be like, "WTF?!" And your parents will be like, "LOL" but they'll actually say LOL out loud and it will be terrrriibbbbllleeee.

Love the way you wear your curly hairSanguine and spiraling, tied in a bunLove the way it falls about your faceMercurially gilded by the sunIf we were a pair of jigsaw puzzle piecesWe would connect so perfectlyCreating a still photo of a sceneFrom The Phantom of Liberty

Hey guys, just letting you know about this site that I really like. It's called "The Big Picture" and every couple days they upload photos from an event and they're beautiful. This is for those of you who like to have their photography fix every once in a while...