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Thursday, June 10, 2010

The one-direction view

I know those of you who know me just snorted. So I'll give you a moment.

I don't have lots of close friends. There are lots of people I like, but not a lot who are in close close. I've always been like this. It's an energy thing, I think.

And If I like you, I see all the best things about you. You're hilarious! So incredibly smart! Charming! Fascinating! Creative! Etc!

This is not to say that I don't see my friends as human, and with flaws. But I focus on the good, to the point where that's mostly what I see.

I do this to everyone I like and love.

It's flexible, to some extent.

Like, when I'm mad at Nick, he's suddenly so not funny. How did I ever think he was hilarious? And why does he wear that ugly shirt so often? It makes him look sallow.

Then tomorrow he's all kinds of funny and cute and wonderful all over again.

He's the same. Duh. It's my lens that is so variable. I recognize this. But it's visceral. It's like I physically see differently.

So if you're on the good side, you're a sparkly chocolate-covered unicorn. Except real.

But if I stop liking you as a person, if I lose respect for you, it's like I suddenly see you in a fun-house mirror. You're not only not gorgeous, brilliant, fabulous. . .you're actually distorted, grey-tinted, grotesquely, bizarrely bloated.

And my prism works pretty much one way.

You know I've seen and dealt with terrible, traumatic things in my life. I have an immense capacity for understanding things that more "normal" people might find unacceptable. I can bend shockingly far.

And yet, my line, it is inflexible. Once you cross it, once you step in front of that fun-house mirror, you're never rose-colored in my world again.

I'm not as extreme as you, but I identify EXACTLY with your description of how you see a person who crosses you, who you stop liking as a person. They DO become distorted and you can't get the previous image back.

You are such a positive person that whatever they have done to lose the 'rosy' was bad.Its a trust thing, you trust them and love them in all their choocolate covered sparkliness but when they do something to melt that chocolate, it's never the same. Once you lose trust or faith in a person, they can work as hard as they like but you never,ever completely trust them again. Its a sad thing, especially when its family or someone close close that does this thing to you.