When I Need A Pick Me Up, by my friend Ryan King

Monday, June 18, 2007

My Comment Evolved Into A Post

I started this as a response to S*, and then it exploded out of the petrie dish and squidged across the floor, eating a lab assistant on its way out of the reinforced doors. (Don't worry, Larry died bravely.)

To quote;

Well where were you back when I hit puberty? :D

Let me make myself clear; my blog is the place I come to do process. So what you see here is me in transition. I'm not looking for excuses to stay the way I am -- I blog to help myself move forward.

All the "stop pitying yourself and move on" is helping, but not enough. I get it that I need to move on with my life. That's why I'm blogging, because I know that.

What I think would help me a little more is to hear something more specific as to how to move on. That is also why I go to therapy. I need a "how to". It's funny in a not-really kind of way, but if I had a patient who came to me with my problem, I'd be able to think it through better for him than I can for myself. Either that, or I'd refer the guy out to another therapist.

Another thing I want to make clear is that I'm not content to pity myself. Pity is not what I want from anyone or from myself.

What I'm looking for is strength. I want the thing that seems to get inside of most people and propels them into relationships, for better or worse.

To that end, I am using the good examples that have been coming into my life in the form of heroes. When I have less than stellar days, and when I can't find the mechanism to bridge the gap between what I am and what I see in my heroes, I come here to get it out of my system.

But I will tell you something else I got from my therapist--she said that maybe I should just pretend I have the qualities that I'm looking for until I feel like I actually have them. She also suggested that maybe that was how my heroes got to where they are too.

What do you guys think? Is that a "how to"? I'd really like your responses to this one.

3 comments:

Anonymous
said...

You know, 500 people could give you "how to's" and perhaps none of them would work for you. Maybe you could benefit from some idea-sharing...brainstorming, if you will...in order to find your own method of gathering strength.

So here's my idea du jour, coming from the boring life of yours truly. It starts with a question.

What gets you excited?

No, I don't mean like that. Sheesh, stop it already. I mean really, down to your little toes, all tingly inside, feeling like you are 16 again and the world is your oyster, excited? I discovered that change actually gets me pretty hyped up. Lots of folks, especially at my workplace, are as anti-change as they come. Me, however, not so much. I've moved around within my organization quite a bit over the past 17 years, and each of the changes (voluntary or not) have invigorated me. I look forward to them because they herald a new beginning, new opportunities, and chances to learn something new. So, at least once every few years, I seek some level of change in my job, because I know that it excites me, and it appeals to me. So call me Delta-Girl or something. :-)

Has it slowed down my career progression, speaking in terms of rank? Possibly. But I'm at a stage now where I don't really want the next step yet. I'm not interested in being on call 24/7 with my BlackBerry permanently glued to my hip. So this most recent change, which took place about 17 months ago, is really working for me.

Alan, find something that excites you. Does being in a relationship excite you? Being uber-altruistic? Completing a project? (hint, hint) Figure out something, and go for it. When the path becomes long and dark, recall the reaction you will have when your goal is within reach, and let that motivate you.

My approach is...baby steps. What I'd suggest is, each day, try to silence that nagging, negative voice in your head that tells you you're no good and everyone sucks (or whatever it says to you). If you can silence it at least once, you're making progress (albeit slow). Each week, try to do something that helps build your self esteem. Push your limits, get out of that rut, that comfort zone.

Sorry if I sound like an armchair therapist. I'm only sharing what I know has worked for me and those around me.