Will.I.Am isn’t content to let Kanye West keep the gay fish all to himself. The Black Eyed Peas singer and all-around queef has made a direct appeal (see video below) to the owner of the Miami Dolphins to let him try out for the team. In his typical douche fashion, Will.I.Am waited until a week before the start of the regular season to make his request.

I’m not sure if Will.I.AM is cut out for the NFL, even if it is with the Gay Fish. On the one hand, he bangs white chicks and has his posse beat up queer bloggers, which is a start. But on the other hand, I’ve never heard of him killing dogs, running over pedestrians, or shooting himself in the leg. Maybe if he lets a crazy 20-year-old girl he met at Dave and Busters shoot him in the head I’ll believe he’s ready for the big leagues. But until then, I’ll just go back to praying for him to get hemorrhoids.

I always figured Fergie loved big cock, I just had no idea that Allah had blessed her with one of her own. Her obsession with her “lovely lady lumps” always seemed odd, and now we know why. This girl has a penis as big as minaret!

This also explains why will.i.am’s clan reacted so violently when the great sodomite Perez accused him of being “fag.” Perhaps the filthy manyak was right, and will.i.am loves Fergie’s giant scud?

There have been a few celebrity responses to the whole Perez Hilton getting punched incident. It is not surprising that celebrities are being sassy towards the noted sodomite and celebrity blogger. No word yet if any celebrities are going to doodle penises on his pic and post them on their blog though.

Kelly Clarkson:“I’m gonna be honest with you, he’s gonna get a lot of flowers—not Perez, the manager. I do not think violence is the answer, but what did you expect? You can’t say that much crap about people without having to say something.

Joe Rogan:“PerezHilton talking about how he doesn’t like drama in his life after he called Will.I.Am a fag and got punched in the head made my day. Watch this, it makes you want to smack him. 3 He talks shit about people for a living and gets upset when karma rolls.”

John Mayer:Not true. In fact I’d like to train you in Krav Maga. Then you’ll have the situational awareness not to get in someone’s face. I also want to train you in an old martial art called “Never Call A Black Dude a Faggot Jitsu.” this will be the last public mention of it. You know how to find me. Words have cause and effect, even if the effect is wrong.”

Frankie Muniz:“Perez Hilton, how do you call a man a FAGGOT right in his face and not expect to get hit?”

Travis McCoy (of Gym Class Heroes):“PS. WILL.I.AM- 1, PEREZ-0, It’s about fucking time.
AAGH,I just watched him get his Chris Crocker on ‘I write drama about other peoples lives,I don’t want drama in mine’ You got BOOM BOOM POW’D! Violence is not the answer. Trust me, been through it. The fact is, not EVERYONE is going to take being called a vulgar expletive lightly.”

will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas is one of our most hated infidels. For years I have prayed to Allah to smite him from the earth. I even went as far as to email my cousin Amin who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows Osama Bin Laden’s 11th son to see if we could issue a fatwa against the blasphemer. But Allah the Most Wise, in his infinite wisdom, had other plans, and continued to let will.i.am “get retarded in here.”

But last night while attending a party in new Sodom (Toronto), will.i.am became an instrument in God’s divine plan. He (allegedly) had a member of his clan attack my arch nemesis, celebrity blogger and noted sodomite Perez Hilton. My heart lept with joy as I watched this video of the once boastful heretic humbled to the point of tears. All praise to Allah the Humiliator and Righteous Teacher.

Perez Hilton

As for will.i.am, I have no doubts that he will squander his god-given chance at redemption and return to his sinful life of shitty, shitty music. But for today, peace be upon him.