​Theoretically, finding a solution instead of compromising is ideal. But, is it really possible? Can we always find a solution for all concerns in our relationship? Life is about compromise - not only in relationships. So why is it that some people refuse to compromise? Why is it that people see compromising as a threat?

Perhaps we misunderstand what compromising means. The question is; “What is your goal? Is your goal a successful relationship, or is your goal to have only your individual needs met?

I like to think about compromises as gifts. You do not have to compromise, but you would like to compromise. Because, compromising will help you achieve the goal of a successful relationship. The reason why people run away from compromising is because they see it as having to relinquish a part of themselves. These types of “compromises” build resentment and are never productive in a relationship. Compromising is about finding the middle ground where the focus is on both yourself and your partner as a unit. It is about doing something you might not be excited about, yet at the same time setting limits within the compromise. For example, your partner would like to go to aunt Susan for the holiday dinner. You really dislike aunt Susan. You compromise on going to aunt Susan, yet request that you leave at a specific time. You give, and your partner gives, is it really that bad?

Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at sara@mwr.nyc and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nycFollow me on Instagram @sexfacts4dummiesFollow me on Twitter @flashtherapy15

People who are Smarter than youBeing around people who are smarter or more intellectual than you can expand your own intelligence. Having intellectual conversations heightens your intellect. We become smarter by challenging our thinking and stretching beyond the basics. Having smart people around you will force you to keep up with them. If you want to be smarter, hang around the smart folks.

People who are PositivePeople with positive energy infuse positivity into others. Choose to be around the people who will encourage your goals and passions. Positive people are the ones who believe in their own success and are able to support those around them to achieve and succeed. Positive people are always looking ahead instead of wallowing in the past, encouraging others to do the same.

People who are Confident Confident people are able to foster confidence in others. People who are confident are not afraid of your success, your confidence, and your healthy self-esteem. Bud Blinach writes the following about confident people, “They are not threatened by you or your success. They realize that self-esteem is not a fixed pie. There is an unlimited amount of it to go around, so positive people are always giving it away.” Confident people are there for you when you doubt yourself by boosting you up when needed.

People who are Active and Living Healthy You are more likely to be overweight if your friends are overweight. Obesity is contagious. People who are not active and are not conscious about their eating habits and are more likely to plan social gatherings that involve way too much nachos, cheese, fried foods, and watching TV. People who are active and aspire toward healthy leaving will plan social gatherings that suit their healthy lifestyle. Dragging you along for the ride. Oops, I mean run. It is easier to make healthy choices when everyone around you is doing the same.

NOT like-minded PeopleSurrounding yourself with like-minded people is important, but there are risks to only being with like-minded people. Sprinkling in some friends who have different opinions than your own will give you the perfect mix. Having people around you with differing opinions will force you to defend your position, consider different options, challenge your thinking, and it will make life more exciting.

People who say Thank YouAre there people in your life that take your ideas or advice and never give you the credit? It’s time to cut them loose. Leeches are everywhere. These are the people who are always copying everyone around them but never give credit where credit is due. Surround yourself with people who respect and admire your ideas/advice and they are capable of thanking you when they implement changes in their life that were inspired by you.

Take inventory. Who are the people in your life who add something constructive, and who are the people who subtract from your life? Choose to stick around the people who will make you a better person, encourage your growth, and will push you past your limits.

Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC is a psychotherapist in New York City where she practices individual therapy, couples counseling, and sex counseling. You can contact Sara at sara@mwr.nyc and read more blog posts at www.mwr.nycFollow me on Instagram @sexfacts4dummiesFollow me on Twitter @flashtherapy15