Tuesday, July 12, 2016

19 years...

Dear Superman,Happy 19th wedding anniversary! I'm sitting here, stumbling with finding my calculator on my phone, trying to plug in the numbers. Then I remember, you are celebrating your 30 year high school reunion this year. So its been 30 years ago since our first date, although it seems our hearts married right from the start. That one summer night, you had 400 hundred and some odd dollars on the dash of your Mustang, and we had a wide open night to do with as we pleased. I remember little of where we went, or even what we did. But we spent not a dime, and talked under a bright moon in the front seat of your car, till the birds started to sing at dawn. And we learned that even in the quietness, speaking not a word, our heartbeats had started to commingle. But in the thirty years of knowing you I can't put my finger on when it began. Was it a word? A date? A present? When was it, that I knew? The times we were together those first couple of years, it was so very real for both of us. Yet, the times we chose to be apart, I'm convinced, tied us together in even more binding ways. Maybe I knew when you called and talked to me for over an hour when I was in Paris, and we weren't technically dating at the time. The bill had to have been massive, but at no point did you want to cut it short. Or it might be how you'd just show up to drive me to my college classes, on the really cold days- like -42, knowing I'd have to walk in the cold if you didn't. We weren't dating, and yet, your desire to take care of me never waned. I still have the Snoopy Christmas ornament your grandmother made for me that year. You wouldn't tell her we weren't dating... you see... I think we already knew. We weren't entirely ready. But we knew.

It might have even started back in high school, when we went on the church trip to New York City. We stood at the top of the World Trade Center taking night photos of the cars down below. Even then, neither one of us talked and yet we were completely comfortable not filling up the space with needless words. Were the seeds planted then?

Perhaps, I know, because of all the treats you bring me now, just because you know I had a REALLY LONG DAY. Or its how much I love the way you say, we'll find a way, don't worry.

Like the day the letter from Blue Cross shows up last week, telling us yet again, they're canceling our health insurance policy at the end of this year. I can't fathom what the new costs might be to us. But you reassure me, as always, we'll get by.

It could certainly be because of all the spontaneity. Like when you say, Really, Toronto, Canada is not too far to drive all 4 of us in our little Toyota Prius. And I discover its not really too far, and we end up with the adventure of a life-time. Or the time when you first got your job in Idaho and were getting ready to move. But you said "Stay in graduate school. We can weather a 9 month separation." Yeah, we did that too.

It certainly could be the day you said Idaho isn't working for us anymore, after nearly 10 years of calling it home. Lets quit our jobs, buy a small blue house and move back to Minnesota to be closer to our family. Maybe I'll try photography and see if I can make a go of that. Um hm. That's what we did. It could have been that day.

Or it could be that one really hard day. The day I called, sobbing, saying this time its not cysts in my breast. I was wrong. Its the worst imaginable and I don't know how I am going to do breast cancer. I'm sorry. And you say, I'll be right there. We'll just do it, together, and everything will be okay. Five years later, you're still here, and we still manage together.

I guess that's the thing, really. Its not any one of these, but its all of them. Its how we've woven this tapestry of us. Through the times we are at our best, and the many more times when we are broken, tired, or weak. It hasn't mattered. Apart, was just never really meant for us for very long. I can't think of a time in my life, when it ever really will be either.

So at some point its just been together. This story of us. Its about the 19 years of marriage, the 30 years of knowing each other, the 16 years of Nolan, plus the 14 years of Colton. Its the forever I hope to know you, to love you, be with you, and weave together the rest of the story of our life. All of these years later I know our commingled hearts will always be just enough to sustain us through the foreverness of you and I.

18 comments:

As usual, Vicky, often my first response to your writing is "WOW" and then to feel rendered completely speechless. (We both know I overcome that to a choking degree!) But I feel like I've just read something so sacred that I realize I'm wearing shoes while standing on Holy ground. What a love story and a life story. I'm looking forward to the celebration that will be 20 years. But you guys have been together and joined at the hearts for so much longer.

I do find myself stunned that they are cancelling your insurance. I didn't think that was supposed to be able to happen in this current climate. How do they cancel you in the middle of cancer treatment?? I didn't realize that was still legal. I'm so sorry, Honey, and yes, there will be a way because there MUST be a way. Please keep us informed on that.

Happiest Anniversary wishes to you and Superman and thank you for having enough love to share it with all of us. Love you, too.

Happy Anniversary to you and Superman - thank you for sharing your story, thank you for being YOU. Here's to the stuff dreams are truly made of, the ties that bind, the love that holds together what sometimes comes unglued. It's a beautiful thing.

Happy, happy celebration of your 19th anniversary. Thank you for generously sharing the sweetness of the story that strongly holds the two of you together. Heart touching words that truly blessed me today.Kristin

Oh my dear, sweet soul sis...We just returned from 10 days at Diamond Lake, and I am overjoyed to read this. Tears and (to quote Julie) "Holy Goosebumps" and Joy in hearing more about how you are joined and nourished and have such a deep, love for each other. In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow...together. Rick knows who you really are and he cherishes you, no matter what. I love how he calms the storm with simple yet powerful words... "We'll just do it together, everything will be okay." (That's so like my Bert, too). So Happy 19th Anniversary, dear heart, and prayers for many more! What a blessing from God it is to have found the love of your life!Love you to the moon and back!Linda

I am not scrolling to see what others wrote...I sat here in tears....utter tears of the beauty of something so real...that you are not sure were it started...because it just always was! Because eternity would never be enough time....because "it always just was" is truly the best fit for how IT IS! Beautiful Vicky..I fell in love with you two...from the moment I stumbled on your blog and heard the words superman! I know he is truly there for you...fighting as hard as you. giving you a place to lean.. HE SEE'S YOU! your soul just as you see HIS! despite the hard and ugly...despite the 'C' word.... you are so blessed..both of you and Nolan and Colton! What a gift to turn on my lap top after 5 days and read this....Happy Anniversary to you both! much love and prayers always!

As the tears fill my eyes, Vicky, I know that you have touched me again with this beautiful love story. Forever love blessed from above.That is what you and Rick share. Happy Anniversary, sweet friend.Sending love.

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About Me

I'm just a girl living the dream of being married to my superman, raising two active boys, and discovering more of who I am every day I am here. I'm currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and learning how to expand my time, instead of worrying about extending it. So I am living my moments daily and blogging the whole crazy adventure.