Florida Hospital launches biggest pet care network in state

ORLANDO, Fla. --- "Everyone knows that you can't work in healthcare in this state without doing business with Florida Hospital," said corporate office spokesperson Jay Norman at a press conference on the Orlando campus this morning. "Today we extend our legacy of caring and vow to do with pet care what we've done with human healthcare."

Norman said that just as Florida Hospital has "cared for the whole person" through the network of Florida Hospital campuses, 24 Florida Adventist Pet Care clinics would be opened to provide "whole-pet care" to each community currently served by the network. Norman said that this approach would cater not just to Floridian pets' health needs but also to "their emotional and advanced grooming needs."

"U.S. News & World Report has ranked us the #1 Hospital in Florida," said Norman. "We will provide the same level of care to Central Florida's poodles and Persian kittens." He stressed that, especially with Florida's vast elderly population, there was a market for pet care provided by an organization whose time-tested motto is "The skill to heal. The spirit to care."

"Our Adventist heritage includes a deep sense of the importance of responsible stewardship of all created things," said Norman. "The Adventist health message has always taken a broad view of true wellbeing so how can we take care of just humans while pet salamanders across this great state are subjected to substandard veterinary care?"

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I wonder if the new pet-care centers will promote a vegetarian diet for these adorable pets. In 2002, Bramble, a 27-year-old border collie with a vegan diet of rice, lentils, and organic vegetables was considered by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s oldest living dog. After all, Genesis 1:30 says “I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals.”

Does this include “Bring Your Pet to Work” day? Can a patient bring his/her pet upon hospital admission? What happens when the pets can no longer be cared for? Can the circus companies bring “pets” to FH after retirement? Does P.E.T. A. know about this plan? Whatever FH does, turns to gold. PS-I’m gonna bring my pet gator over this afternoon. Woe is me!

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