You know, I kind of forgot about this place. Girls, that’s what one too many Mai Tai’s will do to you.

I once had a black out for three days and woke up on the back seat of a Ford Focus on my way to Mexico with a middle-aged man named Dave who it turned out had just left his wife to start a new life with me.

I wonder what happened to him after I fell out the bathroom window at the next rest stop and climbed into the cab of a truck driver?

There I go, leaving a trail of broken hearts across the country.

Aaaanyway…

Where the fuck is Paddy O’Brian?

Yeah, he’s back on Twitter (no doubt to vanish again in 3…2…1…) but I haven’t seen that gorgeous cock of his in action for at least a couple of months now, and I’m starting to worry about that boy.

Has he retired?

I was reading all the news when he sucked a d for the first time in a video (well done to DickBlogs gay porn blog for calling that before it happened, you fucking genius!) but it looks like that might have been a little traumatizing for him and I don’t think he’s done anything since.

This can’t be allowed to happen.

I don’t care what it takes, we need to get this hunk back into the business asap. The world cannot exist without Paddy sharing that gorgeous muscled bod and that amazing dick on video.

In case you have no fucking idea who I’m talking about (bitch, you need a slap!) here he is in all his gorgeous glory.

Okay my little bitches, I know I’ve neglected you all for a long time, but I’m back. I had to come back when I saw this mainstream shoot of the handsome and daddy-ish male model David Gandy.

I know all you ho’s are into the muscle boys and their tight bods, but come on, you have to admit that top male model David Gandy is looking lush with his extra pounds and his unbridled muffin. lol

I have no doubt there are plenty of bitches out there crying into their glass of cheap wine and reminiscing about when this hunk was tight and ripped. I’ve seen a few bitches out there commenting that Gandy has let himself go and that he looks more like Putin on a publicity stunt.

But come on ladies! There are millions of guys out there in the world younger than Gandy who can only dream of having a body this hot!

I’m not usually into daddies, but Gandy can order me to my room any time!

Okay my bitches, I have a slightly controversial tidbit for you guys to chew on.

As you know, I love my porn, and I love my porn stars. And this means that I sometimes find little stories that tickle my tits, and I have to share them with you.

The only thing about this one is that porn star in question is a nobody *sad face*

I know what you’re thinking; at least that homophobic fucktard Josh Peters had been in a few videos and was a proper porn star when he had his ranting meltdown and showed his true colors, right? I guess they’re not reading the same Public Relations blogs or something? lol

Rule #1 – be someone before you implode your career. It’s far more entertaining for the rest of us!

So you know how some porn bitches will do ANYTHING for some attention? Seriously, I’ve met boys who will strip naked, walk on their hands and whistle the national anthem if it means some horny fucker will glance their way. And I think Tony Douglas is one of those boys.

So even though he’s a nobody, he’s been mouthing off on Twitter, and generally being a racist twat bag. Check out the bullshit below…

Well, I guess some gongrats are in order for Tony Douglas, he’s ended his porn career a whole lot faster than Josh did. At least that guy was actually on the radar before he pressed that big ass self destruct button.

I’m hoping the next meltdown will come from someone who’s been in the business a little longer and actually has some fans out there. And that means a guy who is actually hot too – seriously, how is Tony attractive? I don’t get it!

I’ll get around to telling you why I’ve been gone for so long in a little while (it involves my houseboy Steven, a gin and tonic, and my inability to comprehend electronic equipment and its reaction to said beverage) but right now I have something far more important to bitch about!

You might know that there has been somewhat of a flurry (is that the right word?) of boys appearing in reality TV shows and contests who have appeared in porn previously.

This is fine, I love my porn, and boys gots to get their green, right? But what fucks me off are the boys who don’t have the balls to stick up for themselves and be honest about it.

Dakota Cochrane is one of the latest in this “parade of shame”, crying about how he “hated” having his cock sucked by a dude at Sean Cody, how he despised tasting another dudes junk and how he really didn’t like fucking other boys at all… despite the wild grin on his face all the way through his videos, and ignoring the fact that he returned again and again to enjoy some more.

You’ve probably seen this gorgeous muscle jock on the Ultimate Fighter show, but he first came to my attention appearing on the Sean Cody site where he went from hot straight jock jacking off to complete cock hound riding dicks and swallowing as much as he could gobble! lol

Incidentally, I jumped out of a plane for a local feline charity once (the gorgeous guy I was strapped to certainly helped me deal with it) and you know I hated the experience so much I NEVER FUCKING DID IT AGAIN!

Yeah, it felt good to do something for charity, but if I’d known my hair would look that bad when I landed I would have saved myself the bother and adopted all those cats myself.

So, my dear Dakota Cochrane, I aint buying it. Man up and admit that dick was fun. And just to help prove the point, here’s some hot pics of one of the videos where you clearly “hated” every second of it!

Would it be too distasteful for a studio to make a gay porn parody of Kim Jong-Il?

I know, not many of us would actually want to see that, would we. I certainly wouldn’t. It’s not a serious question of course, It’s just impossible to tie it into porn in any other way!

Besides, he was so ronry it would only be a wanking video 😉

Good riddance to another dictator.

He was a horrid person, and you can see the kind of horrible conditions his people have to endure when you see what his military are forced to wear. Seriously, you’d think that dictators who rob their people and demand aid from the outside would spend a little on some color-coordinated uniforms.

Here’s a tip for little Kim Jong-Un – maybe hire Gok Wan to come in and make those goose-stepping soldiers look a little more modern!

Please note – I jest. The little man was a despot responsible for the poverty of millions. He was a sick little man and my jesting is not intended to make light of that.

After so many years of waiting, and after so many false alarms, could the hunky muscle god that is Cody Cummings really be taking a hard cock up his ass?

We’ve seen the hype before though. I remember when they suggested that Cody might suck cock, and it turned out to be his own meat stick he was gobbling (still so hot, but I wanna see him tasting someone elses!). Then we had that moment he reached out and stroked another dudes heavy meat in a double jerk off. And although it was shown he’s actually done that before, a looong time ago, still hot.

Then he opened up his tight muscled ass for some butt plug play in a bisexual threeway…

And now this. So come on my bitches, will he take a dick up that sweet hole or is this another false alarm?

I love staying in touch with all my bitches, but I’m a little scared of the whole Twitter world.

I checked it out again tonight and found a few really lovely guys on there, like the legendary Mr. George Michael, the lovely Mason Wyler (I’m guessing George might love to see their names in the same sentence 😉 Who wouldn’t!?) and one of the nicest people I’d ever love to meet, Mr. Stephen Fry.

What happens when you follow someone? Do they just find out they have yet another stalker?

This is gonna be one of those posts where momma preaches, so sit your ass down and listen up, unless you want a spanking! (I’ll do that if you want, and you’re cute… hit me up!)

First of all, you know your little Candy Minge (okay not so little) loves her hardcore gay porn. I’m not ashamed to admit it, and you’d know that if you’ve been here for more than five seconds.

But there’s a storm a commin’

You see, there’s this millionaire business tycoon Called Stuart Lawley who managed to weasel his way into the porn world on the internet. You know I guess he’s like one of those religious preachers who knocks at your door and then sticks their foot in there so you can’t close it? They loose that foot in my house.

Anyway, he thought it would be a great idea to start up a .XXX tld (Top Level Domain) for the whole adult world on-line. What a great way to make a whole load of cash! The problem is, a few big countries have already said they’ll block it. Now, my cock-blocking skills are pretty fast, but they moved really fast!

The other problem is that those .XXX domains cost a shit load of mulah, Stuart needs to keep himself in the lifestyle to which he is accustomed after all! So only those with that shit load of mulah can afford them. But loads of peeps have been buying them up and then blackmailing legit porn companies and threatening them with it. Boo, we hate those skanks.

As you can probably get, a lot of the adult world is in a shit storm about this and they’re all screaming on the forums. Plenty of my bro’s and ho’s in the gay porn world feel more beat up than a twink the morning after a gang-bang in a frat house.

But some companies are buying into it and supporting the .XXX fiasco too. Chi Chi, my darlin’ what the fuck?!

Yeah, it pains me to say that a babe I have admired for as long as there’s been mascara goop in my eye has gone all batshit and bought into the rip-off too. Chi Chi is supporting .XXX, and by-proxy supporting censorship and the potential destruction of everything we love about the internet (porn!)

As a lover of the porn, I am stating right here, right now, Candy Minge don’t play that, bitch! Don’t you be passing my door with your hunky muscle guys no more, I ain’t buyin’.

Candy Minge will not buy porn from any studio that supports .XXX. I won’t add any porn on my blog from a company that supports .XXX and I won’t tell any of my bitches to check out any of that shit.

To those studios that are supporting the batshit crazy .XXX, you can suck my titties and kiss my ass, bitch!

Surfers need to know about the turds on the beach, and I’ll let you know when I see them.

I love the porn from the College Dudes site, and my bitches know that from all the posts I used to add before (in my past life – lets not bring up the troll again!) *wipes a sad tear away*

But, although I love these hot boys screwing more than I love a bar of chocolate dunked in Ben and Jerry’s while slapping my houseboy’s butt and screaming obscenities at Michelle Bachmann and her fag of a husband on TV (breathe in), I get pissed when a hottie like Buddy Davis doesn’t help his fuck buddy out with at least a blow.