Thursday, January 26, 2012

Important Callista Gingrich Hairdo Status Report

(See below for full picture and caption)

Ooooooh, Honey, you have got to get those roots done! Where is the mobile hairdo command center? The shape is perfect, firm and sharp, I'll grant you that, but those roots absolutely must be whipped into submission. That die job must be 1 1/2 weeks old!

Because I'm telling you, My Queen (sorry, I've been watching Game of Thrones. So good!), your hair is getting a LOT of attention right now. I recently wrote about traffic to this humble Callista fan site spiking dramatically in part because of your mighty coiffure. Well, let me tell you that today this trend swelled even more alarmingly, generating more than four times my normal page views, due entirely to massive amounts of hits from Yahoo, all because people specifically want to view your incredible platinum orb.

So anyway, Queen of All Whom She Orbits, I'm just saying that hairdo maintenance is critical right now. If you don't do it for yourself, at least do it for the Pony Pals™.

14 comments:

Yeah, it was a trending topic on Yahoo this morning. I thought of you and clicked through to see what was up, but didn't find anything interesting. Somehow Callista's hair is only interesting to me when you put it on your blog, and I didn't find any links to here before I got bored and wandered off.

Callistescent light is the light given off by Callista Gingrich under the right atmospheric conditions. It is most easily observed in the south-eastern United States from Virginia to Florida during early primary season.

Adoring the headline. Why do headlines like this make me feel so happy that life is almost worth living?

Anyway, it's not Callista but Newt who moves me today. Specifically, his corpulence. Dude is actually going for America's Hollywood Leading Man with that bod. I'm not sizeist in the least, but damn he just reeks of 1% excess and gluttony and high-end steakhouses and tax writeoffs.

Newt's size and Callista's roots are both made more obvious by camera shots from below. Camera people must be banned from the low shots! Both Newt and Callista look better when shot from above, preferably satellite photos.

p.s. Whenever you talk about Callista's roots, I remember that poor journalist who got the platinum treatment but not the hair helmet from her very hairdresser-y Latin hairdresser. When she complained about the pain, he reminded her, "Beauty tingles!"

To shop at Tiffanys when you get the notion.to ride on the chest of a wild raging NewtTo marry a cheater despite your misgivingsFor sins as Newt’s mistress you seek to atoneNo hair is in movement, your skin it is glowingA Tiffany card you proudly command

Bye Calista, He’ll get rid of you too!For another he’ll lust -A fool could foretellBye Calista, more affairs he'll commitThe looks that have served you have long said farewell.

Hi dee ay-ee ooo doo-dle ohoo do do do do do doo-dle ay yeedoo-dle ay ee

I demand we plan for the probable post-Newt decrease in Callista news and photos!

Once the RNC, the Boehners and the rest of the GOP establishment have deep-sixed the "Gorger from Georger," we stand to lose our daily media fix of Callista. What would life be like? Let me rephrase: would life even continue?

We need a plan! Maybe we can give her a series of awards that she will need to accept publicly -- we can take turns, one per week? I'll start developing copy for the first annual Ripley's award for best Wax Figures Come To Life.