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Ten Coals a-Lumping
January 4

By
now, you should all know that everyone loves to talk about the best in
game show fare. By now, you should also know that if you're expecting
that here, you're better off looking for Miami Dolphin playoff
tickets. I'm here to give you the WORST that game shows had to offer -
and boy, was there plenty to choose from. So without further ado, the
ten worst shows of 2007...

10. Thank God You're Here - I actually was looking forward to this
show - until I saw two episodes back to back. This is a Whose Line Is
It Anyway clone without any of the cleverness as the celebrities
selected couldn't improv their way out of a paper bag (only a handful
could, which made the ones who couldn't not funny, but painful). To
make it even worse, the parts where the actors are supposed to chime
in were telegraphed and unoriginally placed in the exact same spot in
each skit - and the actors still couldn't figure it out. It was more
like Thank God the show's run ended. I feel sorry for the real stars -
the improv team who deserved better - especially Nyima Funk.

9. Age of Love - I
don't know exactly how financially dire Mark
Philippoussis's
wallet was, but that would have to be the main reason why he took on
this clunker about him picking either 20-somethings or 40-somethings.
Of course, he picked the 20-something. Of course, they were
Splitsville long before the end of 2007.

8. A Shot of Love - While we're on the subject of bad dating
shows, where do we start here? Not only was this a conjoined train
wreck of a show, not only did Tila 'find' her man and then 'lose' him
when there was a second season of the show conveniently offered to
her, not only do the rumors continue to grow that Tila is not bisexual
at all and has a real boyfriend, but this show is spawning more media
hoes than the Predalien could sprout out baby aliens in Aliens Vs.
Predator. Yuck.

7. Temptation - The jingle at the beginning was right - I can't
handle 'Temptation', or what they did to Sale of the Century. From
adding unnecessary pieces of the show to mutating The Fame Game to
only allowing five-day champs to not buying everything, the show
screamed of low budget and the ratings screamed even louder - when My
Games Fever pulls triple the ratings of this mess, you know the show
is one and done. Kids, if you're not going to repurpose the show
correctly, don't try to make a revival of it.

6. Grease: You're the One That I Want - The same goes for
musicals. Here's how not to get people excited about a musical show.

1.
Make it look and feel like American Idol meets Fame.
2. Sing songs that are not remotely connected to either that musical
or any other musical.
3. Have judges that say absolutely nothing in redeemable value.
Despite all that, the musical is still going on with the winning leads
from the show, which is why this isn't ranked worse.

5. On the Lot - The idea was sound. Who wouldn't want to see a
movie showcase in the search for the best new director? We don't, if
it's going to look and feel like an American Idol clone. What's worse
is that we didn't actually get to see any of the 'movie making' until
five episodes into the show, and by that point, most of the audience
migrated onwards to better things, like the search for the next great
Shakira impersonator.

4. Pirate Master - Alas, not everything that Mark Burnett
touches turns to gold. In this case, this gold was pyrite - fool's
gold. Not only is this clone Survivor on a boat, but this is the first
Mark Burnett vehicle that gets yanked from the airwaves before it's
completion (but just in case you wanted to know, Ben won it).

3. The Great American Dream Vote - At least we got to see half of
Pirate Master. We saw all of 2 episodes of Queen For a Day Redux Dream
Vote before it gets shot down, after leading out of Dancing with the
Stars with a mere 2.0 rating. With all the other stuff going on around
him, this was clearly not Donny Osmond's year.

2. Set for Life - You knew this was trouble when it got moved out
of December... and then moved again out of sweeps to Friday nights
during the summer. We were right to worry - this Deal Or No Deal wannabe
was incoherent to understand how people got to the money that they got
to, and then painful to watch. What made this worse was that it was
hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, who was so good in Win Ben Stein's Money and
his own talk show and so inexplicably lifeless in this. Then again, if
I had to deal with contestants (who didn't even control their own
destiny) parading around the set with a cylinder or with a tiara on
their head, I'd probably also have an expression on my face that would
look like I'd rather be in a Turkish prison.

And now, for the Creme De La Crap...

1. Playmania/Text2Win/Quiznation/100 Winners/MyGames Fever/Take The
Cake et.al. - In his column, Jason Block talked about that the
call-in scandal was the biggest story of the year. The scandal is
actually how and why these shows got on the air. The puzzles were
either ridiculously easy, or intentionally complicated with hundreds
or even thousands of combinations of what may be the right answer. The
audience decided that they didn't want to count the Yo-yos, stare at
the hosts (who kept saying the same thing over and over and over
again), or watch three games being played in a two-hour span and that,
combined with all of the scandal, mercifully led to a quick end of
these shows. I personally feel that there is a successful call in and
win formula out there, but it's clearly not this formula.

And as we say a fond farewell to 2007, I welcome in 2008....if only
for the reason that the worst shows of next year can't possibly be
worse than the worst shows of this year. And no, please don't try to
prove me wrong on this one. Pretty please.