Sept. 3 (Bloomberg) -- Tiger Woods doesn’t need a new swing
coach or a new caddie to regain his championship form. He needs
Johnny Crawford.

Crawford (Robert Duvall) is the golf guru in “Seven Days
in Utopia” who turns struggling pro Luke Chisolm (Lucas Black)
into a world-beater with his unorthodox training methods.
Johnny’s holistic philosophy -- he makes Luke paint, fish, fly
an airplane and dodge rodeo bulls in order to regain his mojo --
might be the perfect solution for Tiger’s woes.

Based on David Cook’s best-selling novel, “Golf’s Sacred
Journey: Seven Days at the Links of Utopia,” this syrupy
confection is supposed to be an inspirational tale that teaches
us about the important things in life. The spiritual guidance is
so heavy-handed, though, that it feels like sitting through a
long, boring sermon.

Luke runs into Johnny -- almost literally, when the car
he’s driving crashes into the rancher’s cow pasture in the real
town of Utopia, Texas -- while he’s still fuming over a final-hole collapse that cost him a tournament title. Luke is ready to
quit the game before Johnny persuades him to spend a week in
Utopia soaking up his homespun philosophy and small-town values.

Johnny, a former tour golfer whose career was ruined by
booze, isn’t big on technical instruction. His lessons boil down
to the bromide “see, feel, trust” and allusions to God’s role
in improving your driving, putting and short game. (Duvall has
played the country wise man much better in other movies, while
Black is distinguished only by his Texas twang.)

Catching Fireflies

Golf isn’t Luke’s only pursuit in Utopia, whose open spaces
and gorgeous sunsets are beautifully filmed by cinematographer
M. David Mullen.

The film, directed and co-written by Matthew Dean Russell,
moves inexorably toward its climax at Luke’s comeback
tournament, which features cameos by K.J. Choi and other PGA
players. Choi plays a fearsome golfer named T.K. Oh, a pun that
deserves a two-stroke penalty.

After the cliffhanger ending, the audience is instructed to
visit a website for more information. I already knew enough.

“Seven Days in Utopia,” from Visio Entertainment, is
playing across the U.S. Rating: *1/2

‘Old Fashioned Orgy’

The most interesting thing about “A Good Old Fashioned
Orgy” is the title. Beyond that, all you’ve got is a lame
comedy about a group of 30-something New Yorkers planning an
orgy to mark the end of their annual summer get-togethers at the
beach.

The movie, co-directed by TV writers Alex Gregory and Peter
Huyck, isn’t funny or sexy. And the orgy itself turns out be as
titillating as a dentists’ convention.

Jason Sudeikis plays Eric, an immature hedonist who hosts
wild parties at his dad’s house in the Hamptons. When the old
man (Don Johnson) announces that he’s selling the place, Eric
decides an orgy with his longtime friends would be an
appropriate sendoff.

The rest of the movie is the buildup to the big event,
which may or may not include a crude slob (Tyler Labine); a
former classmate who pines for Eric (Michelle Borth); a woman
rebounding from a bad breakup (Lake Bell); an incessant worrier
(Lindsay Sloane) and a jobless nerd (Nick Kroll).

Two other members of the circle, a couple played by Will
Forte and Lucy Punch, aren’t invited on the grounds they’re
getting married and already have a child. But they still want to
participate to prove they’re not old fogies.

My advice to them and anyone considering buying a ticket to
this movie: Stay away.

“A Good Old Fashioned Orgy,” from Samuel Goldwyn Films,
is playing in major U.S. cities. Rating: *