30 Things Every Woman Should Know About Sex by Age 30

1

There is nothing sexier than showing someone else what you want. It means that: (a) You are an eager participant; (b) you know your own body; and (c) you’re eager to help him get to know it too. Anyone worth sleeping with will find all of this incredibly hot.

2

But first, you have to know what you want. Which is why masturbating can be so educational. Fast or slow? Hard or soft? Vibrator or 8x10 head shot of Josh Duhamel? Practice makes perfect.

3

Trying to finish at the same time is unrealistic—and too much pressure. Let that goal go; just make sure you don’t always come in a very distant second.

4

In the early stages of a relationship, absolutely nothing said during sex counts. Especially if it involves marriage, babies or first-class seats to Barcelona.

5

Personal grooming is a pastime, not a profession. Manis, pedis, tanning, waxing…a girl could spend half her life preparing to undress with a guy. But when that moment comes, you can bet he won’t be measuring your leg stubble to the 1/24 of an inch. You’re a human woman with a real body and hair that grows. This is not a secret you need to keep from your partner.

6

Your number is not a gauge of your worth. If validation is what you’re after, get it from work, get it from friends, get it from a good shrink. Don’t try to get it from lots of casual sex with lots of partners.

7

The key to a guaranteed orgasm: the reach-down/reach-around. There is a reason a woman needs 10 to 20 minutes to orgasm (if she gets there at all) by sex and only about four to orgasm by masturbation. When satisfaction is your primary sexual goal, you might want to reach down and take matters into your own hands—or have him reach around and do it for you. And no, this is not cheating.

8

It’s worth getting comfortable with all of him. It turns out testicles aren’t vestigial organs randomly placed near the penis, but sensitive body parts that crave their share of the action. Same with everything else in that general area.

9

It’s OK to say yes to something you never thought you would. Your turn-ons and turnoffs can change—a lot. So what if being tied up sounded creepy before? Doesn’t mean you can’t be intrigued by the idea now.

10

11

Lube can save the night. Lube can save the night. If the spirit is willing but the body hasn’t gotten the message yet, break out the K-Y. Squirt some on the inside and outside of the condom and it’ll feel better for both of you.

12

Dirty talk doesn’t have to mean swearing like a sailor. Try simply narrating what you’re doing or what you’re about to do, or asking him what he wants you to do. That can be much hotter than screaming out X-rated terms for genitalia.

13

Never go to bed without your sense of humor. Out-of-nowhere belch? Ill-timed visit from your beagle? Unavoidable wet spot? Don’t hide your face in mortification—sexual slapstick is a chance to practice go-with-the-flow confidence. Plus, you get a good story for your friends.

14

An oldie but a goodie: Kegels, Kegels, Kegels. If you do them, you’ll not only have stronger orgasms, you’ll also never again pee when you laugh.

15

Men need clear instructions. Even the most “experienced” partner will have trouble deciphering what you want solely from the noises you make. Especially if you’re making big, loud, I’m-having-a-great-time! noises when you’re not. If you want it harder, faster, slower, a little to the left—use your words!

16

A truly intimate connection does not always require moonlight, candles and mood music. Sex can be “special” even if it’s “slightly drunken,” “fast,” “sloppy” or “illegal in 10 states.”

17

He doesn’t expect you to act like a porn star. Would you expect him to rob an armored car, then escape in a Mini Cooper? Create a force field with his mind? Well, he doesn’t expect you to do that thing Lucy Lixxx does with her tongue.

18

You don’t need “blow job technique.” This is not a skill you must read long magazine articles to master; for most men, the fact that you’re doing it at all is technique enough. How to make it more pleasant for you? Brush your teeth first. Everything will taste, ahem, fresher—and, bonus, he’ll enjoy a tingly sensation.

19

Always have one thing that gets you in the mood—besides him. An erotic book, a hot fantasy…think of it as an exercise to keep your libido in shape.

20

Making the first move: scary but worth it. We’re not talking about offering him a lap dance here. We’re talking about a little eye contact and giving him a smile. It’s so much easier than watching a delicious prospect walk right out the door.

21

A change of scenery works wonders. Even the sexiest room—king-size bed, satin sheets, mood lighting—can get boring if you’ve had sex there 162 of the last 163 times. Sneaking away at a party for a quick one in the bathroom can jump-start your adventurous
side. Just remember to lock the door.

22

Protection is something you owe yourself. And reminding him to put on a condom doesn’t kill the mood. All it does is help prevent pregnancy and STDs. Period.

23

Into each sex life, a dry spell will fall. It doesn’t mean your relationship’s over. Sexual appetites ebb and flow, so look at every little-or-no-nookie stretch as a brief calm before the good kind of storm.

24

Sex in the shower? Overrated. It’s hard enough to keep your balance during standing-up sex; now you want to try it in a confined space that’s really slippery when wet? Think of joint showers as an opportunity for great foreplay rather than as the main event. If you must do it, bring along some long-lasting silicone lubricant that won’t wash away under the shower stream—and brace yourself!

25

Morning-after shame is a waste of time. So you had a wild night or a happy hookup. All you did was…exactly what he did. If you’re hearing your mom’s voice (“Nice girls don’t do that”) or a chorus of mean girls (“She’s easy”) in your head, tell them to shut up!

26

You can settle down in life without settling down in the bedroom. A lot of young women harbor a tiny fear that monogamy and commitment are synonymous with infrequent, vanilla-flavored sex. No. No, no, no. When you really trust someone, you feel secure enough to be far less inhibited than you were during your swingin’ singles.

27

You're not freakish for wanting anal sex. Some of us don’t like it, but plenty of us do. Hey, you’ve got nerve endings galore back there! It’s not weird to want to go all the way or just have him explore the area with his fingers. And by the way, he’s not gay if he asks you to explore there too—he’s got the same nerve endings.

28

Your wildest fantasies are often better than the reality. Ask anyone who’s ever wanted a three-way with her boyfriend and that hot woman at the bar and then gotten it. Sure, experiment; give new things a try, but don’t push way past your comfort zone. Sometimes the sex you have in your head—the kind that defies common sense, federal flight regulations, gravity—is best kept there.

29

Any body is a “good body” in bed. Belly pooch? Droopy boobs? Who cares! If you insist on total darkness from foreplay on, or the one position that successfully hides your cellulite, there’s no way you can have no-holds-barred sex. A good man wants to sleep with, see and know the real you.

30

If you think sex at 30 is good…just wait. Your teens and twenties are all about trial and error. Good boyfriend, bad sex; great sex, terrible boyfriend. But in your thirties, when you’ve finally figured out who and what you like, your sexual confidence booms. You’ll be reaping the rewards in bed for a long time to come. Enjoy them!