Monday, March 19, 2007

And it's not only that one likes music and the other science; or, BSC #60: Mary Anne's Makeover

Have you ever noticed how, when it serves to further the subplot, the BSC have a shit-ton of jobs with the same family? Like three or four jobs in one week or so? And sometimes, ANM makes some kind of half-assed excuse, like Mrs. Whoever is doing a project for the PTA or whatever. But in some books, there's no rhyme or reason to why the parents are just never there...Yeah.

So, this is another one I totally thought I did already, so here goes...

Mary Anne spots a cute hair cut in a magazine, and decides to get all her hair cut off, despite the "It's not you!" response from her oh-so-supportive friends. Mr. Richard Spier decides to make a father-daughter event of the makeover and winds up buying her makeup and a bunch of clothes from Steven E! (That's the ritzy store in the mall--and don't worry, she has to pay for half of the clothes with her baby-sitting money.) And, as the oh so witty cover says, "Everyone loves the new Mary Anne -- except the BSC." Yup, for some reason, the girls are all bitchy to MA after she changes how she looks. Oh, wait! That's right, no one's allowed to change in the BSC! That's why they're being little slags to her! So, Mary Anne starts hanging out more with Logan, and starts hanging out with some other girls who are never mentioned before or after. Oh, and there's this whole rumor going around about how some high school boy is all about MA and wants to ask her to some high school dance. Mary Anne even stops going to BSC meetings. Finally, everything is smoothed over in a completely-glossed-over way. Far too easy. Of course.

Subplot: Carolyn Arnold builds a time machine. And kinda thinks it'll really work, for just a minute.

Okay, let's discuss the cover for a minute:

So, first of all...those leggings? HIDEOUS!!!! Even Hodges Solileau (remember him?) knows that leggings make your legs look big! No one looks good in them!!!! Also, Claud's outfit isn't terribly outrageous. Though they rarely were on any of the covers, if you really think about it...Also, Stacey/Dawn (can you tell which?) needs to give up the mom jeans. Also make her look like she's got a little bit of a gut. And Logan's jeans have the longest crotch I've ever seen. And MA just looks kinda...like W.C. Fields.

Anyway.

Carolyn is obsessed with both Back to the Future and the flux capacitor. But not Brokeback to the Future, which is my fave fake trailer of all time.

Ah, more references to real things... the end of Beauty and the Beast made MA cry. Big surprise there.

Logan is "super cute. His hair is dark blond and curly [wait, what? I don't recall any other descriptions of his curly hair!], his eyes are deep blue [she could be describing my little brother, who is single, in his mid-20s and holding down a good job, ladies in the greater Boston area!], and he has an athletic build without looking like a jock. He's outgoing and friendly, but also thoughtful and sensitive (which he would never admit)." [At least, he's thoughtful and sensitive when he's not being controlling.]

I love how whenever people are so different from each other, it's always like, one likes health food the other likes junk food, or one dresses simply and one dresses trendily. Or one's good at math and one's two IQ points out of special ed.

Lots of outfits in this book!!!! "For instance, that day I was wearing teal-colored stirrup pants [HOT!!!!] and a bulky ski sweater with a colorful snowflake print, over a pink turtleneck." This is pre-makeover, so it's really shocking when, post-makeover, she wears an oversized sweater and leggings. Um, wait...

About Claud: "She can put together the oddest collection of clothes--a slouch hat [what?], a sequined vest, an oversized button-down shirt, stirrup pants, and lace-up boots--and she looks stunning. Stunningly like Blossom, that is. Plus, it's hardly outrageous when it's pretty damn close, minus the hat and the vest, to what Mary Anne's wearing on the fucking cover.

And now a reference to Home Alone.

Okay, now seriously? Why the fuck don't any of the girls even consider the haircut when MA shows them? They're just like, "REJECTED," without even looking at it. Bitches. They're all laughing at her. Supportive group of friends, my ass.

Somehow, I have a hard time picturing Richard wanting to do a makeover as a father-daughter thing. I seem him suggesting a day trip to Mystic Seaport or something, but not suggesting a trip to the mall.

Okay, so I actually kinda like this: Carolyn would want to travel back in time and babysit for her parents...

Is 8 really old enough to know fantasy from reality? Especially when the BSC members routinely believe in ghosts, blah blah blah...

The dress that MA gets: "...a fiery red, off-the-shoulder crepe dress with shirred sleeves, a fitted bodice, and a skirt that flared to mid-calf." I really can't picture what this would actually look like, but it sounds...hot?

The other purchases from Steven E.? "some stockings and a pair of shoes to go with it [the dress]; an oversized, indigo cable-knit sweater; and a pair of floral paisley print Lycra leggings with a French terry top." Yup.

Hate Hunter's "accent" and "allergies." Fucking hate!!!!

All the boys think Mary Anne's hot now! Hee!

Oh, so one of MA's "new friends" is named Sabrina Bouvier...does that sound familiar? I don't know, like a little JonBenet clone maybe? Yep, that was also the name of the girl that won the Little Miss Stoneybrook pageant! Hee!!!!

Okay, isn't A Separate Peace manditory high school reading, not middle school? I read it in 10th...

I fucking love when Mary Ann and Dawn fight! Dawn says MA got a "boy haircut and clown makeup," so MA tells her to "go choke on an alfalfa sprout." Hee!!!!

Blah, Dawn's a jealous little bitch.

Okay, a middle school dance with boys in tuxes? Really?

Oooh! Dance outfits!!!! Kristy in a long dress and heels. Claudia: "a lamé outfit that was all sharp angles and flashy colors." Way to not really give any details at all, ANM (or ghostwriter or whatever). Stacey: "a slinky silk gown that belonged to her her mother." Um, if you're only 13, you shouldn't be wearing anything that could be described as slinky. Just sayin'. Dawn: a dress "made of black velvet, with a sheer bodice trimmed with beading and lace, and a flared, above-knee skirt." Sounds a little fussy for California Casual, no?

Oh. LAME!!!!! Logan would go back in time to...the first time he saw MA. Ew.

So much stupid. So little time.

Back to March Madness (I'm writing this on Saturday). Seriously, I totally should have started a bracket group for this blog. Cause I can't think of anything more ridiculous than a Claudia's Room pool. Damn, I wish I'd thought of it in time. Go Pitt!!!

Yeah, what's up with those ultra-formal middle school dances?? I remember thinking we'd have dances like that when I went to junior high and having it not happen. We didn't even have formal dances in high school, until the graduation dance, and come to think of it even there I don't recall any actual tuxedos.

This is THE book I think of when I think of the BSC...it seems to embody all the themes that BSC stands for: bitchiness, nochangeiness, Loganjackassery, and random chicks who pop up when the gals are having in-club feuds.

Hodges? Good old Hodges? His name is Soileau and for all us ladies with interest in paintings like "don't make me get up", I strongly recommend the following link:http://www.hodgessoileau.com/

Great blog. I wish you would write a special blog about the shops and places in good old Stoneybrook, remember the Merry Go Round? The Rosebud? Bellairs? Or as mentioned, the famous Steven E? Hilarious. I faintly remember this Hot Dog place in Sea City, but I can't think of the name...

I always liked this book because of the plentiful outfit descriptions. And I also had a hard time imagining Mary Anne's red dress. I mean, don't most off-the-shoulder garments just have sleeves that kind of wrap around the shoulder? So how were those shirred? Actually, I'm not even really sure what shirred means, but the dress sounds ugly.

And suspending disbelief for a moment on the subject of a middle school holding a formal dance, I was always enamored with the idea of Stacey's vintage silk gown, mostly because I imagined it to look like the white one that Jennifer Connelly wore in The Rocketeer. I spent a good portion of my adolescence coveting that dress.

And when I was like 8 or 9 or whatever it was when this book came out, I wanted every outfit Mary Anne wore in this book. Especially the leggings. I remember vaguely around when it came out and I was all into her clothes, I got myself a large turquoise sweater and turquoise-and-green checked leggings. Stacey's so envious of me right now.

Just have to add to the chorus--love this blog. I started reading BSC in third grade--got books 1 and 3 in the Scholastic book order. I loved them so much that I vividly remember vowing to read every single one. Well, I kept on as long as I could until it was just too embarrassing to be a fan. Instead I would read them while my mom shopped. It was very handy that I always could skip that first chapter in a time crunch! Thanks for the memories. I still have all my books and Super Specials up to the 60s or so.

I loved Dawn's comment about "boy haircut and clown makeup." I remember when I read this one that I thought the BSC were being total bitches but on the other hand I also really did hate Mary Anne's haircut based on the cover picture. I also remember not especially liking this book back then.

And other favorites from Sea City: Pizza Falafel ("I think they meant pizza *and* falafel") and Kotton Kandy Korner ("why kan't they just spell the words korrectly?") ...yeah those quotes are going back a good 15 years in my memory so if I'm totally pulling those out of nowhere I'm sorry (or if they've already been blogged about.. I'm still catching up on the archives). :)

Your blog repeatedly cracks my shit up. You write like I talk. Fantastic. I know you don't take requests, but you must do "Stacey's Ex-Best Friend." I thought I was told old for BSC when that one came out, (eighth grade) so I had to hide my addiction from my friends, but Stacey's "bitch please" letter in this one was fab. It was the last BSC I really loved.

Ok, so I'm a new reader of this blog (just found it this week), and have wandered through every posting and many of the comment pages as well. And, being yet another BSC goober from back in the day, I wanted to add in my two cents:

~Jackie Rodowsky was one of my FAVORITE kids that they sat for! Stupid bitches! So he's a little accident-prone. At least you knew a job would be INTERESTING. They always treated that poor kid like shit, and he seemed like a decent little klutz.

~Clothes. Dear gods, the clothes. I agree with several that whoever decided to revive the '80s look should be shot (but am also tremendously amused by the entire thing). I use the excuse that I'm pregnant, and I'd look just as fat as everyone else in leggings and oversized sweaters at the moment (of course, since it's fairly warm, I'd roast to death as well).

~I always HATED Logan's accent. I would have to read whatever he was trying to say OUT LOUD, and then convert it into "slow-speaking, dumb hick" before I could understand it, and I'm from southeast Tennessee. I don't know how anyone else ever managed to figure out what he was saying.

~I liked that Mal wanted to be a writer, because I did, too. That was the only thing I liked about her.

~I actually read a BSLS before the BSC. I read a couple of those, then switched over.

~Claudia made me curious about Nancy Drew. I read Nancy Drew and a couple of other old girl detective books...Trixie Heart or something? Sounds like a stripper name now. (They belonged to my mom, and she was SO excited to see me reading them...take THAT, Mrs. Kishi!)

~I hated Karen too. She wasn't quite as annoying in BSLS, but I guess ANM couldn't exactly say, "I'm a whiny annoying little bitch", because that didn't fit into the Karen Two Twos or whatever.

~I always LOVED Mimi. She was awesome. Don't know if I'd still love her as much, b/c I haven't revisited this series yet, but I'm pretty sure I would. She was always so wise.

~So my name's not as bad as "Sunshine Daydream" or whatever, but it IS "Misty Dawn", which is still a bit hippie-esque.

~Margie, I have no idea what a slouch hat is, but I used to have an obsession with slouch boots...I wanted to grow up to be Stevie Nicks

I hated this one more than any other because they were so bitchy, the most bitchy except maybe the one where Stacey quits the BSC. It's just a haircut, losers. She's still Mary Anne! She cries at tissue commercials!

I looove this one. My favorite is how her haircut is all old lady looking on the cover, reminiscent of the mean teachers' aides from elementary school, but after this, her haircut turns into a cute bob on the covers. Someone clearly realized that they had Mary Anne's makeover turned her into sort of a lesbian.

I'm so glad you chose to review this particular one. Even though I asolutely hated Mary Anne, this was my favorite BSC book of all time, largely because my seven year old self desperately wanted a makeover and her clothes just sounded so glamourous. I also particularly like the scene where Mr. Spier brings home Chinese food with bean curd. At this pint, I have no idea what bean curd is but it sounded super cool. When I found out later it was fucking tofu, I was so disappointed in ANM.

I love this blog!!! I have never been so entertained at the computer! Anywho, as for Mary- Anne's Makeover, doesn't her hairstyle look just like Demi Moore's hair in Ghost? I always thought that was the inspiration for her new look. Btw, this blog inspired me to check out some of the newer BSC books from the library and OMG the covers have gotten so TERRIBLE!! Mary-Anne in the Middle for example! I could not stop laughing. I hope you blog that one eventually! Anyway, thanks for the laughs!!