Meth Addiction Stories: From Rock Bottom to Recovery

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Meth Stories from Addicts Themselves: How it All Started

‘Joseph’ finds trouble, finds peace, then takes a dive

Joseph grew up in a small town with his mother, father, and four sisters. When he was seven, he was diagnosed with ADD. It wasn’t until he was 14 that he was correctly diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. His disease made it challenging for him to make friends and communicate with others. He never quite felt like he fit in anywhere.

Joseph started drinking at age 11. By age 12, Joseph had been expelled from school due to violent offenses he had committed on school grounds after an alcohol binge.

After he got kicked out of school, Joseph’s spent his time drinking, playing golf, and bull riding. These activities helped Joseph control some of his anger issues and helped him to relax.

He did this for five years until he met his girlfriend. Later, they would find out that she was pregnant. Joseph says, “It was early in her pregnancy that we knew something wasn’t quite right with our child and these suspicions were confirmed within days after our daughter was born.

“She was born with an extremely rare, painful disease that had no known cure. Most of the next couple of years were spent going from doctor to doctor, hospital to hospital, state to state trying to keep our daughter alive. But sadly, on May 5, 2009 she passed away.

“That day I can remember clear as anything I walked into her room to check on her and she wasn’t breathing, I resuscitated her, successfully bringing her back to life for all of 40 minutes. But she died again on the way to the hospital.

“I took this extremely hard and I phoned one of my friends at the time knowing she used Crystal every so often and I wanted some. I was 19.

“I asked her to get me some and she told me NO (I should have listened to her).”

Joseph called her again the next day. This time she said “okay.” From the first time he used, Joseph began using daily. He would struggle with his crystal meth addiction for the next six years, during which he had another daughter. But even this didn’t convince Joseph to stop using.

Joseph says, “I would take her to my dealer’s place from the day she was let out of the hospital through to the day I stopped using.”

‘Minnesotapolis’ was ready to die after all the trouble his meth use had caused him

A Reddit user by the name of ‘Minnesotapolis’ tells his meth addiction story:

“It’s not like I woke up one day and was like, ‘oh yeah, I’m just gonna shoot meth and destroy my entire life.’ It’s a sick and ugly progression…”

‘Minnesotapolis’ had a friend who used meth. One day, this friend asked if he wanted to try it. This would be the beginning of a five-year battle with a nasty crystal meth addiction. ‘Minnesotapolis’ describes his physical condition at the time of his use:

“My facial hair was so depleted because I never ate, so my body lacked the nutrients to properly grow hair. It also [the reason for] the open wounds and scars on my body now…’

“I was homeless on and off for the last four years. I got into a slew of legal trouble – multiple felonies and misdemeanor charges…

“I finally had just had enough one day and I was going to jump off the Smith bridge in Saint Paul. But the police stopped me and brought me to the psych ward.”

‘Sarah’ had a wonderful childhood—what went wrong?

“I grew up in a good home with a great family. I was always a high achiever which unfortunately nurtured a huge ego. In my 20s my life was on the up-and-up but then I started drinking more than most people and life started to splutter a little bit, then I finished university and was progressing up the corporate ladder when I started getting drunk even more and then life started to stall, then I started using drugs and life started going down the gurgler real quickly and I found myself in a very scared, lonely, isolated and dark place.

“My life had gone from very big to very small. I’d gone from a billion possibilities to a billion impossibilities.”

Meth Addict Stories: Trapped in Denial

‘Joseph’ thought he had it all under control

“Throughout my addiction, I was always able to put food on the table, a roof over our heads and be there for the people who mattered to me. So I didn’t think I was an addict because addicts couldn’t do that (or so I thought).”

‘Minnesotapolis’ mistakenly thought he could handle his meth use

“I kept doing it thinking I had some type of special and unique self-control that other people don’t have when it comes to meth. It didn’t take long and I was addicted.”

‘Sarah’ explains how her meth addiction narrowed her world view

“My big world and everything in it…bit by bit, everything that causes me fear, is jettisoned from my life, and my life becomes smaller and smaller and smaller until it fits into this little tiny box.

“And the life in that box isn’t a life worth living but I like that tiny box because it feels like I can control my life better. And the illusion of control is very comforting to me.”

Meth Addiction Stories That End in Recovery

A doctor’s appointment brings ‘Joseph’ his moment of clarity

“It wasn’t until I came into recovery that I realised I was an addict.”

At some point, Joseph also became addicted to painkillers. After a bull riding accident that left Joseph with three fractured ribs, Joseph went to the doctor seeking something to relieve his (this time, real) pain. His wouldn’t give him anything stronger than acetaminophen because he knew Joseph would either sell it or abuse it. This was the point at which Joseph realized he needed help.

After this doctor’s visit, Joseph decided to call a rehab center. They said they would have a spot for him in two weeks. The day after he made the call, he quit using crystal meth. While in rehab, Joseph found out about CMA (Crystal Meth Anonymous). After leaving the recovery center, Joseph started to attend meetings on Fridays…and then more often. He was finally starting to feel like he belonged somewhere.

“In recovery, I have faced hurdles. I didn’t see my daughter for 12 months, I have had family members die, I have had friends die from this disease and another friend was murdered just two days after I last saw her.

“But in recovery, I can face these hurdles. The one consistent thing that has been there for me has been CMA – whenever I needed a friendly ear, a meeting, or people who just get what I’m going through.

“I am now over 16 months clean and wouldn’t change anything that I have been through because it has helped me become the person I am today. Today I belong.”

Treatment finally seems to be sticking for ‘Minnesotapolis’

Even though ‘Minnesotapolis’ has gone through treatment before, and relapsed, he says he is just happy now that this time, it seems to be working.

Although he’s happy to be clean and sober, he says that he has tried many times before – and is just pleased that this time it seems to be working.

“I go to AA and NA meetings. I also just hang around other people who are in recovery.

“I’m so happy to be sober. It’s very rewarding. One of the greatest things about being clean is that I got to be sober to see my sister have her baby girl. I’m so excited to be an uncle and to be around again. It’s so sweet!”

‘Sarah’ needs proof — and finds it

If Sarah has learned anything from her recovery, it’s that getting over an addiction “takes some serious repair work before freedom from active addiction can happen.”

When she first entered recovery, Sarah didn’t want to do anything her counselors were suggesting. She would go to meetings here are there, but she make any connections with other addicts, she didn’t consult her sponsor, and she wasn’t trying to complete any of the 12 steps; she was not an active participant in the program.

For the first 18 months of her “recovery,” Sarah relapsed over and over again until finally, “I found myself in that place that our literature talks about where we just felt deep down… ‘enough,’ I’m done. For me, it was at a busy Central Train station on a Tuesday morning heading to work and I remember seeing around me the sea of humanity with all this energy and colour but feeling so alone and grey in my heart…”

Once she reached this point, she gave the 12-step program a second look.

Sarah classifies herself as an extremely “evidence-based” person. In her opinion, “If you’re gonna tell me that by working those 12 steps and this program that miracles can happen then you’re gonna have to prove it first. Otherwise, you’re just talking shit.”

Eventually, after so many months of people telling her, she began to see the miracles for herself:

“I have a friend who’s lost someone very special to them and they went through a hell of a lot of pain but they got through it without using. That’s a miracle.

“I have a friend who was told in grade 9 that they were too stupid to continue high school, so they dropped out and became a drug addict, then got clean and is now kicking goals at university. That’s a miracle.

“I have a friend whose professional life fell apart in addiction, then they go clean, faced some serious fear and completely changed their career and now they’re working in a field they never thought possible. That’s a miracle.

“I have friends who were told they would never, ever have their kids back in their lives, then they got clean long story short and now they are. That’s a miracle…

“I have received many gifts in recovery.

“Now when I take that leap, I don’t so much fear the fall as long as I can at least say I tried.

“Where the old me would choose to run, more often than not I choose to stay.

“I have fallen in love with someone I consider my equal and not my hostage, and it is as terrifying as it is marvelous.

“And I have people around me today who can celebrate all my joy, and who’ll be with me though any of my pain.

“I have friends, family, career, and love all because I’ve allowed this program to take that little box and explode it into something amazing and I think I do a great disservice to myself and to my higher power if I treat my recovery as anything less than the miracle it is.”

National Institute on Drug Abuse. Families and drug use: “I feel so helpless against his addiction.” https://easyread.drugabuse.gov/content/families-and-drug-use-i-feel-so-helpless-against-his-addiction.

Tyler: Thank you for posting. I have a son who is a meth addict. He is 21 and started using alcohol and then drugs including meth since he was 16. He is now in jail on theft charges and driving with no license. It helps me to read the stories and understand the pull of this drug. My heart breaks for you and for all who are under the power of this terrible drug. I will pray to the Heavenly Father for you Tyler. He sent his son Jesus to die for you. There is nothing you have done that His redeeming love cannot set you free from or that you cannot be forgiven for. He sent His son to bind up the brokenhearted and set the captive free and loose the bonds of wickedness. He is an exceedingly great help in times of trouble. If you see this reply and want to respond back, please I will check back. There are so many things you can do that will help. Cry out to Jesus. He will take you back to the Father. No pressure. Just sharing my heart with you with no judgement over you from me, just a heart of love for every addict. May you find your way to freedom from this drug. No power greater than His love.

Its been some time an I’m just seeing this reply and I want to thank you I have been to rehab sence I posted this still didnt help me to stay sober I’m curently on house arrest I asked to be on house arrest thinking it would help but I’m still struggling

Every thing might seem bleak now but pray to Jesus and ask for help. Only let him to help you don’t beat your self up you all will ricover. Jesus will give you double blessings for your trouble. Lots of peace and love 🙂

I know how you feel, Tyler. Even by reading the words that you typed out. It feels so… empty. I’ve been addicted to this for almost 6 years. And I’ve been clean for almost 2 years.. When I was in that dark and empty place, I’d go on to random drug forums and type, type and type.Miserable. Empty. Nothingness. I lost everything. If you see this, please. Press on brother. Because you have to.Be happy

My brother just relapsed on meth yesterday. He was loving with .y aunt, but they have a no drug policy. He was clean for a long time, but he finally relapsed again. We have no choice but to let him be homeless. He doesn’t even remember all the disturbance he has caused. He wont realize he needs rehab. It’s hard on the family, because we want the best for him, but we know that meth addicts lie and manipulate to get what they need or want. I tried to wake him up to the Lord Jesus Christ, but he just wont believe. He chooses to believe false gods … false gods don’t exist… they can’t help you only the one true God can. It’s hard, but maybe him being homeless and jobless for awhile is what it will take for him to realize his addiction and pain he is causing.

I’m a 37 y/o mother of a seven year old daughter. I got divorced 2yers ago and I have gradually gone down the deep
Hole. I began drinking then started doing cocain on occasion. Then everyday. I went to rehab thinking I wasn’t that bad because it was a short period of time this happened. Now I’ve been snorting meth for 2 months. I feel terrible. No one knows except the dealer. I’m terrified to loose my daughter and my whole life. As I’m writing this I’m crying. I don’t know what to do. I tried to stop with the last bag but I didn’t. It helps me get everything done. Work, mom, bills, every. I know I can’t go on like this but I’m so scared.

Dear Holly,
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through! I really feel for you. I, too, was a meth addict from 2012-2016 (I.V. in my case). I want to help you! I’m going to write some stuff, and I hope it helps! Please let me know if you have more questions!WHY YOU SHOULD SEEK HELP
– There is one thing, and one thing only, that you *must* do after you read this: you *have to tell someone*. Ideally, a close friend/family member that you can confide in. If you’re too scared of the judgment/guilt (I feel you), try to find a support/group or outpatient program near you.– If you have the means, reach out to a psychiatrist who specifies in addiction. Either way, you *cannot* keep this inside. The sooner you tell someone, the better your chances of quitting and living a fulfilling life with your daughter!– Another reason you should seek help NOW is that, believe it or not, you’re lucky! You haven’t been using for that long. This is not a pass to “keep doing it a few more months and THEN get help.” This is, quite literally, a moment in time that you *can still control how this situation ends up!* Meaning: it’ll be much (MUCH) harder if you continue. Try to stop today.
——
I’d like to tell you a few facts about the addiction (it may not sound like it, but these are coming from a place of love—things I wish I had learned earlier!):SNORTING:
– If you continue snorting, you will eventually completely lose your sense of smell, and there is a high chance of creating breakage of the nose bridge (the bone; the septum). I’ve seen this happen.GETTING WORK DONE:
– It helps you get everything done *now*. If you keep using, by the end of the year (2019), you will notice that you will have to increase your dose week after week to get that motivational push. This inevitably creates a downward spiral.The amount of oxidative stress (from too much dopamine flooding receptors), and excessive heat (hyperthermia *in* the brain is a key factor in neuronal death) begins to kill the brain cells that produce dopamine (as well as the neurons that receive that dopamine). Eventually, NO dose/amount of meth will help you get anything done, and overdosing is imminent.A “SLY” DRUG
Meth does more than damaging dopaminergic neurons—the excessive stress and heat begin to kill the cells in the prefrontal cortex. Why does this matter? Because the PFC plays a decisive role in your *impulses*! This means that every time you do it you lose a tiny bit of your self-control/regulation *FOR the drug itself!* You can see how it’s sly, like a fox—clever, in a way.WHEN YOU QUIT
– When you quit, depression may kick in. This is why I suggested going to an addiction specialist, as opposed to a psychiatrist that specializes in something else. They may be able to help you with medication and counseling. Find one that really *wants* to help you and not just dispense medication (those s**k!)—make sure you get your full 45-50 minutes worth.– Here are a few tips that helped me with the depression:– To get through the depression, you have to make a conscious effort to realize that the feeling is temporary. You won’t feel depressed forever. I put up a post-it on my bathroom mirror and it was the first thing I read every day.– Be wary of the 15-day, 30-day, 60- and 90-day “relapse window.” A ton of people relapse during these times because
they are feeling progressively better, and have a sense that “doing just a little, one time, to help me through the work
today will be fine.” This is false—that’s the addiction lying to us.– Because it takes some time for your brain to heal after meth, it’s harder to *connect the dots.* This means that on day 30 after quitting, the addiction will quite literally try to fool you: “last time I did meth was 30 days ago, but I feel fine now, so if I’m starting to feel so much better after 30 days, then it couldn’t have been the meth. Maybe I’ll give it another try and use a bit less, or every other day.” This is how I relapsed twice. MAKE SURE YOU CONNECT THE DOTS. If possible, write down the agony you feel today (like you did here!), and when you think of using again, you can reference it, and read it for support. Realize you’re feeling better BECAUSE you’re not using. “A little bit here and there” does not exist in the world of meth.– Last but definitely not least: be compassionate with yourself. Your…self. Your being. Instead of beating yourself up, try to look at yourself from the point-of-view of a caring observer. What worked for me was to mentally create a picture/clone of my “good, non-judgmental self,” and have that other me be caring, compassionate, and helpful. “I’m here for you,” I’d tell myself… “we can do this together.” It’s not a delusion, it is a fantastic technique!Holly, please take care. I wish you all the best life can bring! Please don’t hesitate to seek help! You’ll find people are much more receptive and willing to help than you once thought :).– Fernando

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