..of a play I've been doing for 2 months. Which isn't too long but it was just 2 of us screaming and smoking and snorting and chugging. And getting very, very weird

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Last time I "stretch" while half freaking out

On floor of dressing room, half-touch my toes and remember a weird vocal warmup that cost $50,000 a year to learn. I don't remember it. I do weird things I make up. (Lie down, look at ListApp, say "HEEEE")

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Look at card from Cosmo

From opening night. That's a bee shitting itself. Important

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Picture my dad

Which is weird b/c this play is about a toxic father/daughter relationship- but I don't mean picture him for the play. My dad lives every single evening the same, down to the minute. It helps me remember that while I put a lot of pressure on myself for every show- there are people out there who love me who don't care at all how it goes tonight. And it's 7:25, so my dad is eating a baked potato and reading anvil-sized nonfiction. (Picture is him at O'Neill theater 1980ish)

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Listen to Reed practice his lines

I can hear every word said in his dressing room through the vent, which has always been worrisome to me but I never told him. Every night at 5 minutes he runs through the first few minutes of the show, and I quietly run it with him. I can tell by how fast he runs the lines if he's particularly nervous that night.

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Last before

We pace up and down hallway holding unlit herbal cigarettes and make each other laugh. The ASM gets updates on the headset and narrates in her terrifying monotone what's going on. "There's a man in a wheelchair who needs more time." "They're closing the doors." "Know that someone spilled something house left." "Okay the house is ours, light your cigarettes."

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Last after

Always covered in mascara and snot and fake cocaine all over my face and bubble in throat from chugging a bottle of fake wine. And body in pain-knot from me telling it "SOMETHING TERRIBLE, JUST TERRIBLE IS REALLY HAPPENING" and then being like "just kidding!! Go home now go to bed do it again tomorrow." I will miss it. But first- sleep and vitamins and watering neglected friendships. And vanderpump rules and reading a goddamn book