Oscar's Attempt at Green Looked Black

It seems that Kermit the Frog was right when he said, â€œItâ€™s not that easy being green.â€ Sunday Nightâ€™s Oscarâ„¢ awards ceremony was lauded by Leonardo DiCaprio as the first ever â€œGreen Oscarsâ„¢â€. Supposedly Hollywood is really into this whole do everything it can to stop global warming. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences even gave the Best Documentary Award to An Inconvenient Truth and Best Original Song to Melissa Etheridgeâ€™s I Need to Wake Up. Perhaps the title of that song is advice that some of Hollywood needs to take itself lest they be labeled â€œhypocritesâ€.

While it is not certain how Ms. Etheridge arrived at the Kodak Theatre, it can be reported that AMPAS was saying that many attendees were planning to arrive in eco-friendly vehicles instead of the traditional stretch Lincoln Town Car limousine. But after driving passed the staging area near the Hollywood Bowl last night during the ceremony, it was abundantly clear that the only people associated with the Oscarsâ„¢ seeing green last night were the limousine companies! A count of the Lincoln Town Car and Mercedes-Benz limousines had to be stopped at 53 because it was getting too dark to discern one from another â€“ after all the limousines are painted black and at night they begin to bleed together. During the hour the count took place, not one single eco-friendly vehicle was anywhere to be found. It might be argued that they were parked elsewhere, but amazingly, the staging area near the Hollywood Bowl was the only one established for the parking of the starsâ€™ vehicles. At least thatâ€™s the story from one driver who wished to remain anonymous.

â€œIt is certainly funny to me,â€ the driver said, â€œthat there were supposed to be all of these â€˜greenâ€™ cars here tonight and yet, as far as the eye can see are good old fashioned, V-8 internal combustion engines.â€

Attempts to contact AMPAS regarding the noticeably absent eco-friendly vehicles failed. It is expected that AMPAS will release some sort of statement regarding the lack of eco-friendly vehicles; however, exactly when that statement will be forthcoming remains in question.

Of course Hollywood has always marched to its own drummer. Why should Oscarâ„¢ night be any different? The shameless hypocrisy and lustful idolatry of last night should serve as a testament to the fact that Hollywood is out of touch with reality. Amid cheers from the crowd every time someone took a shot at the president from the stage and the gaudy decadence of the ceremony that is â€œHollywoodâ€™s Biggest Nightâ€, it is no wonder that the 79th Academy Awards was the third least-watched of all ceremonies.

The gilded idols and the opulent decadence have all returned to storage until next year when they are returned to their rightful places in the harlotâ€™s temple. The children of Babylon will again gather to worship themselves and bow to their gods reveling in another year of indulgence. By then the threat of global warming will be a distant memory. In Iraq, defeat will have again been snatched from the jaws of victory as it was in Vietnam a generation ago and with any luck, September 11, 2001 will still be the worst terrorist attack on American soil.