Silence

by farrahdomid

“I haven’t really slept in weeks. Months, maybe. It feels like I lie awake in the middle of the night as a pool of sweat forms around me. I drown in it. Not really, but I wish I actually could. Nothing really seems the same anymore, it feels like I’m not a person. It feels like…it feels…I can’t even tell you. I try to feel so much, but I feel nothing. I’m bland. The other day I was walking home from the store and I walked right in from of a taxi cab without realizing. I just have tunnel vision sometimes, you know? It happened so damn fast. Everything has been going…way too fast. It’s scary. The guy ran out of his cab and just yelled at me. Really, really yelled at me. I stood there looking back blankly, then when he was done, I walked away. People looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I am crazy. I just chalked it up to him having a bad day…maybe I made it worse. I tend to do that. You know how in movies sometimes, they’ll like have the person, the main person…is that the protagonist or the antagonist? Don’t answer that, I’m not sure I care. Anyway, in the movie, the person will be walking through a crowd of people, and life around them is moving so quickly, but you don’t hear anything. You can see the disdain on their face, the music is cancelling everything out, the world around them is a blur, and they don’t care. That’s what it feels like sometimes. Like I’m walking through the city and everyone is just going and going. So fast. Too fast. Like, stop…try not to move for a second because we miss things. We don’t see things happen, we mess things up…you know..it just..it makes me want to scream. That’s what’s been happening to me lately. I just want to scream all the time. When the cabby yelled at me, I wanted to scream..but I didn’t. I don’t. I never do. I stay quiet because people don’t really care. The people who do…well. We treat those people like shit.”