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07 November 2011

Book Review: Fitzwilliam Darcy, Rock Star, Heather Lynn Rigaud

Reading Level: 18 +

Hardcover: 432 Pages

Publisher:Sourcebooks, Incorporated

Parasols: If I could give a negative, I would

I'm not exactly finished with this book, but I feel that a review of this book right now will be okay. It's really bad. I feel as if Jane Austen has been betrayed by this author by using her characters in a way that no one should ever use them. Jane Austen had a precise nuance in her writing that few, if any, could even hope to copy. Austen was a character in her own books with her omni-present voice.

Our prologue opens up with a behind the scenes documentary on the very popular rock band, Slurry. Whose members consist of Fitzwilliam Darcy (lead guitarist), Richard Fitzwilliam (Drummer), Charles Bingley (lead singer and bass player). We find out that before Charles became lead singer, George Wickham was the singer, but a falling out with Darcy ended with his being ousted from the band. We learn all of the major characters backstory (from the band).

Chapter one opens with Caroline Bingley (band manager) bring the guys from Slurry to a small bar to listen to a group that could potentially be their opening act on tour. Slurry is known for being difficult on the road and has never finished a tour. The band they go to see? Long Borne Suffering. I kid you not. Of course, as soon as Charles lays eyes on angelic Jane Bennet it all ends for him. However, haughty Darcy doesn't think the other sister is worth his attention and doesn't want any fucking around on tour. (His words, not mine.)

So on and on we go with the story. Charles loves Jane; Jane loves Charles--Darcy starts staring at Elizabeth who is still peeved that he considers the girls whores who would sleep around with the band because they are famous. However, Charlotte Lucas (drummer) and Richard Fitzwilliam start a very dark and tortured romance. See it turns out that Richard is a drunk and a sex addict who need a new flavor (band junkie) every night when he's not having sex with Char.

Elizabeth and Darcy spar, parry and fight, yet their feelings for each other are undeniably strong. Um, I think I'm describing this book better than it is written. Charles and Jane consummate their love. Char and Richard drive each other crazy with denying each other what the other wants. Darcy and Elizabeth finally have sex only for her to leave him because he's pushing her into a relationship which in return pushes her into George Wickham's arms. Ah, but Darcy tells Elizabeth what happened with George and why he kicked him out of the band. He. Was. Screwing. With. Darcy's. 14. yo. sister. Georgiana! the pedophile! So now Elizabeth hates George, loves Darcy, but but. Elizabeth is arrested at the airport for smuggling cocaine in her luggage! Not our precious Elizabeth? Ah, but she was shooting a video and George Wickham was the director! He. Set. Her. Up!?!?

Poor Elizabeth in jail, Darcy fuming, George is smiling and then we find out that George's PA is really a DEA agent! Elizabeth is innocent! But we cannot tell Darcy, he will kill Wickham! Lizzy must play along with the Feds to get George (who by the way is a drug dealer as well as a video director). Well as we can deduce from what I've explained (because this is where I am in the book); Jane and Charles are together, Char and Richard are together and Elizabeth and Darcy are together. And they all have hot, nasty sex.

The end!

Yep, it's that bad. This is bad fan fiction that has been published and really, really shouldn't have been. Perhaps the author felt that she had something there, but really, her friends should've been a bit more kinder and told her to keep in the trunk.