Hot Mess Drunk in Public

Being a drunken embarrassment in public is never something to be proud of.

Slamming your car into park in the middle of the street outside of a bar in Venice, jumping out and screaming at people in the patio of that bar, while blocking traffic, is just damn impressive.

Doing all of this as I am riding by on a bike ride just makes it a little Halloween treat for me.

Better than Kettle Korn.

There are a lot of general wisdom everyone is expected to pick up during your teens.

One of them is, if you are going to be piss drunk, don’t drive.

And if you do drive, stay off the main roads, drive slow. Once you get there, park, quietly and hot foot it into your destination.

Do not park your Jaguar in the middle of the road, blocking traffic, screaming the word “Scumbag” at the top of your lungs in a designer dress.

This woman was stunning, mid-twenties, Cuban perhaps.

Let’s call her Carmella.

Carmella is drunk on her ass.

Evidently, Carmella’s girlfriend has been dating a friend of Carmella’s boyfriend? Sugar daddy?

I am more inclined to go with Sugar daddy. Girls with looks like these don’t have normal relationships.

And what the hell are the both of them doing in some dive bar in Venice.

Unless the sugardaddy deals a bit on the side or for his main source of income.

That would explain our current location.

Go to where your customers are and all that.

I realize that I am supposing/slash inventing a lot of this.

But I am rarely wrong.

Most people look for the best in others and are frequently shocked.

I assume the worst and I am rarely shocked.

Kind of sad on both sides, really.

Back to the saga of Carmella and Sugar daddy.

How is it that this little scene can go on for 15 minutes and not one cop shows up?

The parking meter for my car can expire and within 30 seconds the police are stacked up 3 deep in the effort to ticket me.

But not here. Such is the luck of well-monied women in wildly expensive cars.

The shouting match goes on for a good 15 minutes.

Sugar daddy has exited the bar and is standing at the curb, sipping what looks like Jack and coke. He doesn’t look like much.

I am still voting dealer.

Mainly because he doesn’t seem upset at all.

Dealers are like that. By the 4th or 5th time a tweaker sticks a gun in your face, very few things bother you.

Finally Carmella runs out of steam. She somewhat sheepishly gets into her car and drives off.

Here is a top 5 list of Carmella’s shoutings:

“He’s a scumbag” Pretty mild, but she did spit on the ground, as if cursing him, and that ratchets it up a notch.

“He ripped her off.” Again, by itself, pretty mild. But Carmella launched into a rapid fire Cuban rant at this point. Once again, the Ratchet factor.

“He promised to marry her, then stole her car.” This was an awesome line. I have seen soap operas based on less.

“He is trying to get her deported.” Which, as a breaking up “Fuck you” move, is a pretty wild one.

And the number one best line of the day, the one that really brought it all together for me?

“And you better not be fucking any of those sluts in there!” This was the last thing she said before she got in her car and left. It was a total departure from the whole girlfriend issue and became much more personal.