Sl
Not too long ago, Dawn Triage broke a rule. No one noticed. It wasn't a major rule. A minor curiosity. What harm could it do if nothing ever came of it? Except now something has come of it, and she needs to make a choice. ·Viking ZX

Sl
Cloudchaser's never believed in sea ponies. They're just silly stories for little fillies. Then when on holiday at the beach, she meets a stranger claiming to be a sea pony transformed by magic to walk on land. ·Blueshift

Sl
Dust has lived on the edge of Ponyville all her life, keeping to herself and studying. When she makes a big discovery, she's eager to run to the castle and spread the good news! But why don't the ponies of Ponyville seem happy to see her? ·GaPJaxie

In a small town on the borders of Equestria, a little colt learns how to forge weapons from his father. But swords are not always friendly to the pony that wields them. As time goes by the colt must also confront the harsh lessons of the world outside the forge, and come face-to-face with the cost of protecting what he cares for.

Glorious. I see now why My Little Metro has been on hold as of late, and in all honestly I couldn't care less. You got yourself another masterpiece here. Although complete, you just built yourself an excellent background for a huge adventure story. I'd love to see it one day become that. Keep up the good work.

I read this orginially as part of the PonyChan contest, it was my #1 pick out of the 19 and one I rated as 10 out of 10 on a review to that contest. I was really happy to see it win.

I have not seen your story "Metro." but I will check it out. I also hope you might continue this story line as well.

UPDATE MY POST!!!!!!!

I just found your "My Little Metro," I DID read the first few chapters of this last August but then lost track of it. I been trying to find it again for a while but couldn't remember the name, author, or enough specific details to locate it again. I tried reading some of the other post apocalypse MLP stories but found them too video-game like. This reminded me of a book (and Movie) called "City of Ember." Did you read that?

In fact I have not! But I'm glad you think Metro is a bit more "realistic." That's the actual feel I was going for; it wasn't just a "video game crossover." It was a story about ponies actually living a post-apocalyptic lifestyle against horrible monsters. In fact, I was going more for the feel of the book Metro 2033 than the video game. Of course, I had to make a few sacrifices here and there. It's about ponies and magic after all!

I'm not a fan of post-apocalyptic stuff so I'm skipping on MLM, but I have to say that this one is great. Good job on this. I particularly liked the long bits about how a sword is a tool, and it's the being behind the sword that defines intent. A very important lesson not just for swords, but for any kind of power one holds, and one civilizations forget at their peril.

Well, color me suitably impressed. And you're also the writer of My Little Metro? I loved that story!

This fanfic caught my eye mostly because some of its elements are somewhat similar to my own story. And I'll admit, I was jealous at first that you had so many comments so soon. But after reading it, well, I can safely say you've earned all of this attention and more.

You do fantastic work with words. Some of your paragraphs ran long, but there was nary a weak sentence or a passive word that caught my eye. The characters and the pacing were especially good, I might add. I only wish you hadn't skipped the fight scene with the Timber Wolf.

I'm assuming this was a oneshot? If there's more, I can't wait to see it. If there isn't, this still works as one hell of a solid short story.

A poet sees poetry everywhere: I see it in how you use a sort of repeating, a refrain: another day, another sword, and the like. It was lyrical when it needed to be and simple when it needed to be. A wonderful read.

And let me tell you, your fanfic is quite a story in itself. I just started reading it and I'm glad I did! I certainly hope you don't give up, and get more attention. You deserve it. Also, I'm glad you enjoy Metro, it's my favorite story too.

I think skipping the fight with the wolf was necessary for that little sucker punch I threw in at the end... I didn't want to go into too much depth and lose the impact of the last section. And yes, I believe this is the only story Reveille will get... OR IS IT?

Oh wow, you actually went and read it? Thanks! You did kind of choose an awkward time, though - I'm a few hours away from updating the story by replacing all the chapters and adding an extra one toward the beginning as an in-betweener.

If you write any more stories about Reveille, I'll be keeping an eye out. In the meantime, My Little Metro has updated a ton of times since I last saw it... *cracks knuckles* Challenge Accepted.

This is excellent. Two thumbs up. Everything about carrying a sword and having to use one is directly applicable to any weapon.

Anytime someone I know talks about getting a firearm to carry I always try to talk to them about proper use of force and the responsibilities carrying entails. I always ask them to think about if they can really pull the trigger under the assumption that the other person will die. Males always tend to answer in the positive immediately, Ive found, but I ask them to really think about it. If they cant do it then it is more of a risk for them to have it.

I try to enforce that it cant be pulled out for any scuffle they may get into and indeed they should try to avoid, de-escalate, and/or exit situations that are getting bad. No macho testosterone fueled bullshit.

I also tell them that they own every bullet that comes out of the muzzle, and everything they hit they also own. Whether that be the intended target or possibly someone else down range.

Ive had coworkers mention I appear paranoid when Im walking through the parking lot. Well, not really. I try to be observant. A weapon is not a magic talisman that wards off the bad just by the fact that one has it. One must be aware of their surroundings.

This is an absolutely magnificent tale! The climactic scene facing the timberwolf was perfect; gripping and suspenseful. There really was no need to show the battle at all. As you mentioned, it would have detracted from the later scenes. Sometimes more is said when certain things are left unspoken. The absense of the scene kept the mood and pace of the rest of the story in line, smoothly and fluidly moving along to Reveille's maturation.

I also enjoyed the lessons from his father, but I must disagree that swords can only be used for harm!

*suddenly flashing signs appear all over the screen as Flim & Flam dash out* ORDER NOW!!! The new and improved, Super Sword 3,000!! It can slice even the biggest wheels of cheese in a flash! Use it as an opener for those annoying over-taped shipping boxes! Trim even the thickest hedges with a single swing! AND WAIT!!! THERE'S MORE!! Overgrown fetlocks? Tangled mane? Not a problem for the Super Sword 3,000! Use it for laying tile! Removing makeup! Performing surgery! No job's too big for the Super Sword 3,000!!

(Order yours now for the special low price of 3 easy payments of $199.95 Order right now and get the special Super Sword Sharpener (a rock) FREE!!)

Wow. This was a really great little piece of story craft. The characterizations were three dimensional and dynamic, the plot was tight and coherent, and the description accurate and efficient. I really enjoyed this one, so thank you! Keep up the great work!

omgwat. This cannot be the end. NO. There are so many adventures to tell of Reveille left... ;A; I really like the twist with how Opal and Reveille developed... didn't see that coming lawls XD I really liked how your characters talked in the story... they really seemed like kids... the dialogue felt very natural.

I liked the setting and the premise, but this story has a few serious flaws that made it less than enjoyable for me.

Primo, Reveille as a character needs more balance. The way he is now, he more or less does everything right: he's good at his swordfighting lessons, does his homework right on time, doesn't let bullies provoke him into fighting. He seems to know everything about what a "real stallion" is supposed to be, and acts on it, too. No wonder his parents and teachers are so proud of him! In other words, he's dangerously close to being a Marty Stu, and that makes him annoying and barely relatable.

Secundo, the story doesn't have a lot of conflict. Sure, there's the conflict against the monsters from the forest, but what about conflict between characters? The only sources of that are Opal's bullying of Reveille, and Songbird's objections to Reveille going into the Guard. Both of those are touched on only briefly, and they hardly create any tension or drama. If you fleshed these conflicts out a bit more, the story would become a great deal more interesting.

Tertio, the relationship between Opal and Reveille could use a lot more development. Show us more of how and why they go from bully and victim to lovers. Right now, this is mostly skipped over: you cut to several years later, and oh look, they're a couple now. I found that a deeply unsatisfying resolution.

So, I'd suggest you work on those points a bit. I hope this helps you as a writer.

This is an excellent fic. Well written, well paced, engaging and heartfelt. A great coming of age story for Reveille, starting off as a flighty colt to a dependable guards pony. I think that there was enough of everything in this story, just the right amount.

As someone with a tendency to ramble and worry over details being left out, I find the brevity of this story breathtaking. There could be so much more, but the way you have written it invites the reader to add it themselves, rather than forcing them to see it one way. Instead, you hit a few striking notes that define a scene, a character, a twist, and proceed on.

And yet, from time to time, you toss in a small detail, as if to remind us that you are not omitting things by accident but with a purpose-- the description of the sword handle was one such detail that jumped out at me.

I love the way you use work, physical work, as a way to build characters and show contrasts. I love how you reveal a conflict that's spanned by a relationship. I love how you portray the passing of traits from one generation to the next and how that's not a perfect process, but one that is sometimes subject to the forge and hammer of life.

And I especially love the way you dwell upon the concept of sacrifice, duty, and the touch of guilt that goes behind it, justified or not. I've read through this a couple of times now, and it's just as good each time.

Thank you for taking such care in crafting this story-- this is the reason I pay attention to fanfiction, because once in a while a real gem will reach out and slap you in the face as you read.

On the whole, I think this is a nice enough growing up story, if one without any real setbacks at any point. It helped that it seemed to me that maturation was reflected in the narration's style, seeming to grow more concrete as time went on.

That said, I think there were some details that pulled me out at points. One thing I really don't understand is why this is about Reveille: his name doesn't make sense in context, unless there's an unstated assumption that parents don't have a choice in what their children's names are. Why would a couple who agreed they wanted their son to grow up to be a smith, and at any rate certainly not a guard, a name closely tied to soldiering?

Then there was this:

All the new Guards learned how to fight from him, whether it be with hoof-knives, wing-razors, or horn-blades. Reveille had opted for one of the more difficult styles: a plain longsword with a mouth-grip. The circular handle made it so the sword could be held in the mouth and swung easily side to side, but the longsword style depended on leverage and good depth perception. Fortunately, ponies were possessed of just that.

Breaking it down, "Reveille had opted for one of the more difficult styles:" implies that the longsword is more difficult than these other styles. Fine so far.

"The circular handle made it so the sword could be held in the mouth and swung easily side to side," doesn't support it directly, in fact on its own undercutting the point, but seems to be setting up a but, which follows with, "but the longsword style depended on leverage and good depth perception." Again, fine. There's the support for the previous statement about the longsword's difficulty.

But then there's the last sentence, "Fortunately, ponies were possessed of just that." First of all, if that's the case, why even bring it up? In a story where every character is a pony, how is a restriction on something that ponies in general are able to meet really a restriction? It's like saying, in the real world, that using a handgun requires an index finger and an opposable thumb (but, fortunately, people have just that). Second, by saying that ponies in general have the characteristics required—not that some few do, or that with considerable effort, those characteristics could be developed to a sufficient degree—there's now nothing left in the text supporting the idea that the longsword is actually more difficult than anything else. Incidentally, the fact that it's more difficult than other methods of fighting doesn't seem to make a difference anywhere in the story, is another brick in the wall of Reveille being a little too good as brought up upthread, and is a bit undercut by the fact that (I believe) the only time we see anyone else in a combat situation (the dead guard), he had a longsword.

Moving on, there's this: "Another day, another sword. They didn’t make swords often; Reveille enjoyed it when they did." The first sentence, by exactly following the construction of the well-known idiom another day, another dollar, has the connotation, if not the literal meaning (and even without that association, I'd still suggest it's easier to read, thanks to the "another," as meaning that swordmaking was a regular occurrence, rather than an exception), that forging swords is entirely commonplace to them.

“Thanks. For teaching me.”

“It’s my honor, Reveille. Why, without your dad I wouldn’t have the swords to teach with! It’s good to see you following in his hoofsteps.”

Reveille remembered Mama. “It’s good to know somepony thinks so.”

This strikes me as a non-sequitur. Even if by remembering his mother, Reveille stopped for a moment considering anyone else who might feel that way, there's the fact that she wanted him to follow in his father's footsteps. Yes, she didn't like the idea of him learning how to use a sword, but that was about him not following in hers.

Lastly, this:

Opal Eye’s whisper came to him on the wind, reaching to him like a tentative note passed between schoolchildren. “I’ll still be here when you get back. I don’t leave for Canterlot for another three weeks.”

“I know,” he said. “We’ll make it count.”

“Not unless you get sent to the hospital again,” she said, and here the walls broke down.

Supposing it's written as intended (as opposed to if "unless" should have been "if"), I just don't get this. Why would they only be able to make the time between his return and her leaving for Canterlot count if he's sent to the hospital? It seems to me that that would get in the way of making that time count, or that Opal is a sadist or something, wanting him to be wounded. Maybe she's hoping he'll be hurt badly enough to be discharged, so he won't have to leave on assignment and be both away again and at risk of death? This just really baffles me, and raises a bunch of questions about her and about their relationship that seem out of place, especially right at the end of the story.