Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Out For The Day… I’ve Gone Away…. “NOT!”

Life has a way of bringing its most unexpected challenges,
when we are not ready. Just when we think that all that could happen has
happened, another swat from nowhere can take its toll on our everyday
existence. That is not to say that it shouldn’t happen. Our nature, being that
of human, and for the most part predominantly in favour of immortality, just
seems to negate the idea of something more happening. Not having total control just
goes against the grain of that ideal we set for ourselves… the dream of
attaining the “satisfying life”. Yes, life goes its own pathway sometimes and
we cling to the straws of hope and end up having to go along for the ride.

Some will have noticed that it has been over a year since I
last entered a new chapter in my blog. Much water has flowed under the bridge
in that time. Many will know that while in India in 2012 I contracted an e-coli
bug that sent me for a loop. I had only been there for about 5 days, on our 17
day trip, and my lectures were just beginning. Having already made 3 previous
trips and not having any problems with the food or water, I naturally felt that
God had placed a wall of protection around my system. Yet, this trip was fraught
with illness among the team members, far more than in other years. I was not
the only team member hospitalized, though the only lecturer over the 4 years of
visits to India. I struggled to continue after release from the hospital and
was able to complete the lectures, though much diminished in capacity and
energy. I finished the tour and returned home to immediate hospitalization
again and spent many long months struggling to get my strength back, only to
discover that it may take 12 to 18 months perhaps for my system to recovery satisfactorily.
Consequently, I was not able to go back to India in 2013 and am waiting for the
Lord to direct any further trips in future.

Strangely, many of my friends and family have taken the
subjective approach to the situation with the thought that this is a good thing.
Not my illness, but that it has shown that overseas travel in such primitive
surrounds is not always a good thing. I on the other hand, will echo the
thoughts of a former missionary who when asked about the fear of perhaps dying,
while in service in such a difficult country, answered that he had no fear, he had
died before he left home. We need to understand that God does not call and then
send His people unprepared… even for death. We must die to self, daily;
otherwise we cannot be truly in service to our Lord and King… we will always
cling to some element of self-need or identification… that desire to live
forever on our terms not His. Human nature calls us to equip ourselves and God
calls us to let go and let Him equip us… all else is in vain.

So over the past year I will admit that I have had good days
and bad days. Yes, I have hit low days of depression and struggled to remember
that in all of this there is something greater than what my concerns are. Thankfully,
over the past months, I have pictured the face of Jesus and heard Him say, “Yet
not my will, but Thine be done!” It has been a journey that I would not have desired
to take, but one that has been worth the taking nevertheless. It has made me
look at another perspective of living near the edge and remembering that doing
so is not always bad… it just depends on how we define the view while living
there.

I thank you for your prayers during this journey through
illness. I thank you taking the time to read my journal. I thank God for His
love for His creation and for caring for those who are the disenfranchised and
forgotten in this world. I pray that God will raise me up again to more work
for Him in India, if that is His will. Until then I will pray for others and
continue to share my thoughts and life journal with those who care to read and faithfully
labour in the vineyard here at home.