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Being a beer dick – just in my head

I do the best I can to avoid being a beer dick. That’s the same as a beer snob but making it less likely people will wear it as a badge of honour. They may say ‘‘I’m a beer snob and proud of it’’ but they’re less likely to cop to being a beer dick.

Which, really, is what you are if you look down your nose at what others are drinking or think your taste in beer makes you a better person. Or even if you feel your knowledge makes you more superior.
I’m sometimes guilty of that last one myself. But only in my head.

I might be at Dan Murphy’s, walking down the aisles and looking to see if there are any new beers. Invariably some young staff member will come up and ask me if I need any help. I say ‘‘no thanks, I’m fine’’. But in my head I may think ‘‘Of course not, I’ve tried all the beers you have here. Which is probably more than you’ve done. By the way, are you even old enough to drink? You look about 12.’’

Or maybe I’m at some bottle shop that’s only started stocking craft beer. So the guy behind the counter is big on coverting people and starts pointing out beers to me. ‘‘This pale ale from 4 Pines is really good. And these Stone & Wood guys, did you know this beer is so popular they had to build a new brewery so they could make enough of it?’’

Me, I’m there nodding politely and saying, ‘‘yeah, it’s an all right beer. And I had heard something about that with Stone & Wood’’. But in my head I’m thinking ‘‘Jeez, the pale ale is a beer I can get anywhere. The frigging Liquorland down the road sells it. And of course I knew about Stone & Wood – I’ve been to the frigging brewery and even made a beer with them.’’

Of course, the ‘‘made a beer’’ bit actually means ‘‘I pressed one button after the brewer told me to’’. But ‘‘made a beer’’ sounds better.

I think these things, but I don’t say them. And I like to pretend that reduces my beer dickery.
But it probably doesn’t.