Palau Stays in “Coalition of the Willing” (Satire)

KOROR, Palau (WB) – President Tommy Remengesau announced today that, despite continuing security problems and apparent flawed intelligence on WMD, Palau still backs the US-led “Coalition of the Willing” that invaded Iraq. “We here in Palau firmly believe that the Iraq invasion was justified, even if the exact reasons are difficult to recall at this point.” Pressed for more details, Remengesau requested a “lifeline” from the assembled Western media, asking for a chance to poll the audience. He was turned down.

Responding to another question, Remengesau denied that his support for the invasion was connected to a US-funded aid package worth an estimated two billion dollars, or approximately $105,000 for each of the island nation’s 19,000 citizens. Bush administration officials have also denied that there was a quid pro quo, claiming that Palau was appropriately reimbursed for providing “morale-building materiel” to the Coalition forces. Palau’s contribution has never been revealed, but is believed to consist of a shipment of colorful T-shirts that read “I Got Leid in Palau.”

President Remengesau also noted that he fears for the world if John Kerry is elected US president. “There is a saying that we have in Palau: Ke kora terriid el di teloi ra klab e mengerem, or ‘He has been on the island council long enough to take both sides on every issue.’ Another bit of ancient Palauan wisdom says that the son of the chief will always make a good chief, and that people should not maliciously gossip about his ties to the breadfruit industry.” Remengesau added that President Bush is welcome to visit Palau whenever he likes, especially if he brings Janet Jackson with him.