Two weeks ago, a friend of mine was sexually assaulted in broad daylight.

What saddened me even more was hearing how friends and acquaintances insinuated that, in some way, it was her fault.

My friend is not alone in this horrible situation, said Sara Casselman, operations manager of the Sexual Assault Support Centre of Waterloo Region, when we spoke last week. “It’s called victim-blaming and it has a horrific impact on survivors of sexual violence and on society,” she told me.

“At least 80 to 90 per cent of the women who come through our doors never reported the assault they experienced, so the numbers are much higher than what the police reports indicate,” said Casselman. “May is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and last week my entire focus was on victim-blaming with a national campaign called ‘No One Asks For It.’”

Sexual assault is anything that violates the sexual integrity of a person and includes touching or kissing in a sexual manner without consent.

“Sexual violence is incredibly pervasive and often when you think of sexual violence, people are thinking of rape,” said Casselman. “But there’s a broad spectrum of sexual violence. And the level of violation, fear and vulnerability that someone experiences when somebody does that to them is incredible. It takes away your personal freedoms, it’s a violation of your human rights and it has a huge impact on whether you feel safe in your community.”

The No One Asks For It campaign was launched three years ago in direct response to a couple of high-profile sexual assault and victim-blaming cases in the news.

“It’s a reality that people experience in our community every day, when someone suggests that, in some way, the person who was assaulted is responsible for their own sexual victimization, which is an absolutely terrible thing to say,” said Casselman.

She explained victim-blaming starts with inappropriate “why?” questions, like: “What were you wearing?” “Why were you there?” or “Were you being too friendly?” And what that does is it puts the responsibility on the person who experienced the crime rather than on the perpetrator.

“So, victim blaming is dangerous in that it creates a culture that puts responsibility on women to avoid being sexually assaulted,” she said. “Not only that, it’s dangerous at a personal level because it stops people from coming forward and getting support, and that’s one of the largest barriers we face in terms of victims speaking up.”

Casselman said victim-blaming is a social problem that needs to be addressed head-on. “Victims aren’t going to reach out for support if they feel they’ve done something wrong — if those are the kinds of messages they’re receiving and internalizing,” she said. “And that’s where society needs to shift and stop blaming the survivors of sexual victimization by asking ‘why?’ questions.”

Because no one asks for it.

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Marshall Ward is a visual artist and music writer for Rock Cellar Magazine. Email is welcome at marshall_ward@hotmail.com