Teachers in life

In the early years of life we always picture a teacher as someone who spent years attending school to obtain a license to teach, a degree. It’s later in life we figure out teachers come in so many different shapes and forms. Our first teachers are our parents. They teach us how to walk, eat, use the toilet etc. Then it’s our siblings or cousins. They teach us to share, be tolerate and survive amongst family 🙂 As we grow our friends become our teachers, that is a good and bad thing in teenage years!

I never thought that my greatest teachers in life would be my husband and my mother in law. Together they have taught me how to overcome ANY obstacles that I come across.

Every time they have knocked me down I have learned how to get up, at times it took a while before I got up, but I stood up again!!! When they told me what they hated about me, I perfected it so the blows were easier to take and I wanted the world to see I was not as bad as they wanted to portray me.

They have continually called me names and put me down for a variety of reasons. Fat, ugly, stupid, too wide, ugly hands and feet, big thighs, big chest etc. Physically these 2 have picked me apart. Like a normal person; I was devastated by their words and my heart broke every single time.

Over the years I slowly learned how stupid they were and I was the idiot who let them convince me too! I can’t change my physical self! Other than to lose weight or have surgeries to modify my body there isn’t much I can do about it. I now embrace my big thighs, love my curves (the bigger the cushion, the better the pushing?!?) My height, feet, hands or body structure CANNOT be changed, this is it! Take it or leave it. Ugly? Maybe to some I am but not to everyone. I’m not gorgeous but I do get compliments here and there. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

My skills in the kitchen, according to them, are garbage. Raj constantly complains, to this day, how there is never any good food in the house. His mom says that I can’t cook, she hates my food. She says every good woman will be able to keep the family happy through food, clearly I’ve failed them. I’m surprised my kids haven’t died from bad food and malnutrition!

How I see it these days is, I can not only cook but I bake as well! What do I cook and bake? ANYTHING you want. I have learned how to cook a little bit from all over the world. My kids love our weekly menu, 2 nights a week Indian food, 4 nights whatever we decide and once a week we do grab food. My family, friends, kid’s friends, even the neighbors compliment my culinary skills. I have often heard other parents say to their kids, “You should learn how to cook; Venya cooks and bakes beautiful food all the time.” Side note, I don’t cook from a box, I cook from scratch, I cook almost every day, I make my own chutneys, use oodles of vegetables and try to cook a variety of foods. My kids’ friends come over just to eat! The lesson here is I have to cook to keep my kids, love ones happy and healthy. It makes me happy when others enjoy my food; I have to be thankful for that. My demon of a husband and his mother, taught me how to cook. Their constant put downs made me try harder to please them, which meant I cooked better for my kids! They taught me how to perfect my recipes, thank you assholes!

According to the two of them I don’t know how to keep a house. My laundry was never white enough, I missed spot on the floors while mopping, dust was everywhere, toilet was a mess, too many dishes in the sink!

Because they were so OCD it taught me to keep up on the household chores flawlessly. At the time I used to hate the pressure, then I kind of started liking the pressure and now there is no pressure. My house is usually pretty clean. At times it gets messy, with kids it’s inevitable! But it’s relatively clean, sink is most always clear of pile ups and my bathroom is sparkly? They taught me that keeping clean is a good thing and it doesn’t require too much effort! Thank you for being on my ass about not cleaning fast or good enough, now you can eat off my floors, literally!

The two of them are notorious for making up lies about people. The one I hate the most is when I girl decides to leave her marriage. My mother in law goes into great detail about why the girl left. Usually the girl had a boyfriend, stole money, and didn’t play nice with the family or other variations of bullshit. Keep in mind she didn’t usually know the girl very well nor did she live with the girl. Raj does the same, makes up lies about situations to make himself feel stronger and more secure as a man.

What I learned from them, never judge anyone’s actions. We have not lived a day as them, we cannot speak with such righteousness unless we were physically there. We don’t know why someone else’s marriage falls apart but we can definitely take care of our own situation. We don’t know why she left; only she does. Only I know why I make the decisions I do, no one else is in my head or my shoes. My friends are my friends because I chose them to be in my life. If I don’t like how they are, then they shouldn’t be my friend. I let my friends know continuously how important they are to me. And I don’t talk shit about my friends❣

There were many days that I was sad. And then I would get dumped on by the two of them for one reason or another. Talk about a hurricane of feelings. They are masters of kicking someone while they are down.

I learned to be kind to everyone. There is a saying, you don’t know what battles people are fighting, be kind. How true is that?!?! Many days’ I put on a brave smile and no one ever knows that my insides are shattered. One nice conversation with a stranger can totally change my day and one dirty look or bad words can make it so much worse. I’ve learned just to be kind, no strings attached. Thanks to my teachers I ooze kindness!! Hugs and love are free, throw it around like confetti!

Him and his family are notorious for keeping secrets from one another and talking behind each other’s backs. His parents talk negatively about their sons to the son who is not present, parenting at it’s finest! Mostly they gossip about Raj to Jas. Jas is the younger one and more manipulative towards his parents, he’s the sly fox out of the family. Raj is just crazy person with no filter! They are not loyal to one another at all, they plot against each and definitely are not supportive in general to each other. Divide and conquer is not how a mother should be with her own kids.

I’ve learned to be open with both my children, equally. One is not better than the other. Pitting them against each other will break up the family, it doesn’t allow me stronger grip on them individually. Later in life the siblings will act on the hate their mother instilled in them against one another. Everything I do will be done for both, equally. There will be no closed door discussions unless it’s private (period talk or mom, is it normal for boys to have hair in their bum?) My goal is to encourage my children (and others) to be there for the other, think about the other and remember their parents at all times, not just for money. Secrets and deception achieve nothing but cause destruction.

My sparkle was dulled for way to many years because of them. I’ve brought out the polish and cloth and have started to sparkle again as I once did. I want to help others do the same💖