The Cauldron has a new report on the state of the Philadelphia 76ers, which features all sorts of “league sources” relaying instances of internal strife. The best part of the story concerns Joel Embiid’s alleged obsession with Shirley Temples.

From the piece:

This type of disregard for instruction also extends to Embiid’s dietary habits. Per a source, the Sixers’ training staff was so concerned about what he was eating, they stocked the refrigerator in his downtown hotel residence each week with healthy food. When a staffer went to restock the fridge each week, most everything was uneaten and unopened, and they were throwing out the fruits and vegetables every week. When the team subsequently asked to see Embiid’s room service bill, they found that most days he was ordering junk food along with his signature beverage, a pitcher of Shirley Temples. Embiid also was frequently seen feasting on chicken fingers and hot dogs at and after games.

Who the hell knows if this is entirely true, but I desperately want to believe it is, because a seven-foot giant guzzling grenadine straight from a pitcher is something straight out of a fantasy novel for kids. Joel Embiid is basically Hagrid.