Syracuse Basement Presents: Semester in Review

Lots of cool stuff happened this semester. It just didn’t happen at Syracuse. In any event, here’s what did happen at ‘Cuse.

Man v. Food:Adam
Richman and the crew of Man
v. Foodvisited Syracuse, NY this semester, eating at everyone’s
favorite establishment, Dinosaur Bar-B-Que. Richman, famous for his ability toconsume massive quantities of food, set a new record in Central New York:
shortest waiting period at Dinosaur Bar-B-Que. (His wait time was 1 hour, 14
minutes, nearly half the time it usually takes to get a table.)

Juice Jam: Rapper
Lupe Fiasco headlined Syracuse’s September festival, “Juice
Jam.” A survey has gone out asking students to vote for an artist to
play Spring semester’s “Block Party.” Potential headlining artists
include Vampire Weekend, Maroon 5 and Weezer. Unfortunately for fans of rock
music, Nancy Cantor has already declared Kid Cudi a shoe-in and issued a
statement that a rock artist won’t headline Block Party even if “Elvis
himself rose from the dead and showed up at the Carrier Dome.”

Molly: The purest
form of MDMA, known colloquially as “Molly,”
increased in campus usage. Users of the drug could not be reached for comment
because they were too busy “trying to lick that rainbow!”

The
new Shaw Quadrangle: Syracuse University
renamed its main quad after former Chancellor Shaw, creatively calling it: the Shaw
Quadrangle. So now when students sit out on the green, they will use the
term “Shaw Quadrangling”(ie, “Sarah and John enjoyed crumpets
and tea while Shaw Quadrandgling between classes.”), earning Chancellor
Shaw royalties for every usage of the term – because if there is one thing the
university loves, it’s raking in money in every way possible.

A
spike in crime: From the recent burglaries
on South and East Campus to the random shots fired from East Colvin to
Westcott, the crime
in Syracuse has gotten closer than ever to the university. Compounded with
early morning gun stickups in Thornden, SU has gotten its fair share of crime
this semester. Nonetheless, nearly every SU daily email
remains solely concerned with the basketball
team‘s success; it’s nice to know where our school’s priorities are.

Whizz
Kha-leak-a: November tickets to see rapperWiz
Khalifa were sold out in less than 3 hours, one of the fastest sell-outs in
recent memory at Syracuse University. Not taking his name literally, students
were disappointed when the hip-hopper’s entire concert consisted of songs from
the 1978 musical “The Wiz” accompanied by urination streams and flushing
urinals. When asked what inspired him to write the hit song entitled
“Black and Yellow,” Wiz Khalifa responded, “the inside of my
toilet bowl.”

Pinstripe
Bowl: In what has to be considered one of
the greatest turnarounds in collegiate sports, the Syracuse football program
went from one of the worst to”¦well, not one of the worst. The Orange will be
playing in the first ever Pinstripe
Bowl at Yankee Stadium against Kansas State. Said Greg Robinson of his
former team’s success: “Yeah, but I loosened the top first!”

The Syracuse Basement Team (CuseMyCampus) decided to investigate what SU students had learned over the course of the 2011-2012 academic year. So, enjoy this film set to the sappiest soundtrack of all time. We believe “Good riddance” is the musical equivalent of instagramming it. Or, in the words of Fab Melo, “Good film watch me... MORE »

Friday’s NIT Championship game was a close one, with Syracuse edging out Stanford in the final minutes, winning 69-63. Throughout the course of the game, “Cuse fans could be heard screaming at their televisions for the entire forty-minute affair. Said Julie Henderson of Florida, “Around 6:45, I thought there was an earthquake in my neighborhood.... MORE »

Today is Mayfest, arguably the biggest holiday to ever grace this fine campus. But today isn’t for the faint of heart; it’s an all day event that should be had with the utmost preparation. That being said, it’s safe to say that over 80% of the campus is already intoxicated. With such an event going... MORE »

When his latest tuition bill arrived, Brian Brandenburg was out of money. He had no checks, no credit cards, and no cash. He tried appealing to his parents, but to no avail. So he did the only thing he could think of: he paid using his SUpercard. Like most students, Brandenberg had put WAY too... MORE »

Carmelo Anthony, the man who helped deliver Syracuse basketball’s first and only national championship, has a new role model in Fab Melo. In fact, Carmelo has considered changing his name so that the back of his jersey, like Fab Melo’s, can simply read, “Melo.” “I’m the original Melo,” said Anthony. “Why didn’t I think to... MORE »

Check out the 3rd and final episode of the semester for Hold the Pulp. In this episode, we have a segment with our Foreign Correspondent, Luke Walsh, who tries to figure out what’s going on with Kappa Alpha Theta Sorority’s Philanthropy Flag Football Tournament, Theta Bowl. And finally, we were graced with the presence of... MORE »

Man on the Moon: Peace-loving students at SU have had a record week with the selection of Damien Marley to support Kid Cudi for Block Party and the upcoming “Day of Peace;” unfortunately, chaos-loving students have countered their tranquil holiday in celebration of Cudi’s performance by declaring Wednesday “Drivin’ Drunk and Doin’ My Thang” day.... MORE »

We got this email today from Chris D. We’re not really sure who the heck it is, but he looks pretty sweet in a Syracuse Santa outfit! PS, this is probably a good time to let you know, anybody can post a sweet picture by clicking contribute on the top of the site MORE »

As the year draws to a close, we at Syracuse Basement (aka The Artist Formerly Known as CuseMyCampus) just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you out there in the webisphere who take the time to read our jokes. Maybe you do it because you think they’re funny, maybe you do it... MORE »

First off we have the sleek and sexy South Campus car shots! Next up, we have the “bus-stop-turned-mario-mushroom” shot. Next up, is the Newhouse III benches… And finally, the wonderful Euclid sidewalk. Which will probably never be shoveled, cause us students are just goddamn lazy. Enjoy the crazy ass weather! A couple of things we... MORE »

Alright there has been some EPIC amounts of snow at Cuse right now. We wanna see the crazy pictures/videos of things you have created. From the giant snow penises on Ackerman to building a house of snow, there is always something awesome being done. Pray for no school tomorrow, so you can go outside and... MORE »

Photo Credit: Alex Pines, Jerk Magazine Jerk Magazine is known for being the racy campus publication. Last year they were censored from the dining halls for a bit! Yikes! This Decembers issue is another gawk-bitch-smut-noise-ridden publication which has already been published online! Their excellent photography team has put together a Sordid Affair, with some sexy... MORE »

Jim Boeheim is Chuck Norris’ role model. It’s true. And to prove it, here are some facts about Jimmy B: 1. Jim Boeheim invented the Internet. 2. Jim Boeheim is a Mac and a PC. 3. Jim Boeheim can get from Marshall Street to Archbold Gymnasium in under 3 minutes. 4. Jim Boeheim can get... MORE »

So we launched at Cornell University a few weeks ago, and they have been putting out some pretty hilarious stuff! Were excited to show you some awesome media straight outta the ‘nell! Jewish American Princess (JAP): A Documentary Video! http://www.bigredmycampus.com/videos.php?id=9 Cornell’s Original Gangsta Video http://www.bigredmycampus.com/videos.php?id=6 Weezy is Freed; White Girls Everywhere Rejoice http://www.bigredmycampus.com/articles.php?id=28 Click here... MORE »

Mrs. Potato Head: Who doesn’t have a leprosy fetish? Guys LOVE girls missing a nose here or a mouth there! Not to mention, the Atkins diet was so 2000. Carbs are back in and there’s no reason not to put yourself out to spud with the Toy Story diva. Sexy Dorothy from Wizard of Oz:... MORE »