Wednesday, 13 February 2008

My funny Valentine

Valentine's Day tomorrow. Woop-de-doo. Can you tell that I'm single?

To be honest I take issue with the whole thing anyway but I promise that what follows is not some sort of bitter rant! No doubt I could deliver one if I so desired but I think it important that I do not indulge that side of myself!

Valentine's Day is the day when we are all told to be romantic. If we're told to be romantic, doesn't that rather negate the romance? Surely the romance of something is largely in the spontaneity of it? Who feels truly special when their other half buys them flowers or chocolates on Valentine's Day? It would be much better were they to choose some other day to express their love. Romance just isn't the same if it's been instigated by Clinton's Cards.

Of course I speak from vast experience. Ahem.

I'm in that strange position at the moment of not wanting to be in a relationship (too much hassle, demands on my time etc.) but wanting to know that there is one waiting somewhere around the corner for me. I have this recurring nightmare that I'm going to end up in a nursing home at 50 years old because my parents have kicked the bucket and I'm still not well enough to look after myself. A husband would solve that particular worry. From what I can gather, good husbands are pretty thin on the ground these days anyway and my (not self-imposed) stringent criteria aren't going to make finding one any easier.

Firstly, I'm a Christian and and the Bible tells me that I should only be going out with a guy that shares my beliefs. Wow - that pool of potential hubbys just shrunk quickly! Secondly, the chap needs to be able to deal with my illness (a lot easier said that done). Thirdly, somehow I'm going to have to come into contact with him (not easy when I generally travel the same distance from home as a particularly lazy tortoise travels in 24 hours). Once all those criteria are fulfilled we get down to the less important things - personality, sense of humour, the ability to actually get along with me...

Gah. Love, schmove. As a wise woman once said: "Love? I'd rather fall in chocolate."

3 comments:

Intruiging that you say someone has to share the same exact beliefs as you though: as long as your morals/values mesh sufficiently close together, isn't that good enough? (i.e. you could find someone who would act Christian but was not going to be hypocritical by saying "I believe" if they didn't)

And married couples can feel hacked off with the whole enforced romanticism thing too. I've never bought flowers for Valentine's day, mostly because my wife resents how much they increase in price in the middle of february and would rather get something where she felt I wasn't being ripped off...

Glad to hear that it’s not just us singletons that get annoyed by Valentine’s Day! At least we’ve seen the back of it for another year!

Re: Christian relationships. First and foremost I’ll only go out with a Christian because that’s what God says. In the Old Testament God told his people, the Israelites, not to marry the pagan peoples nearby. In the New Testament we’re told, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” – 2 Corinthians v 14. It’s also mentioned at the end of 1 Corinthians 7 in reference to a widow remarrying. So that’s my main reason. Even if I didn’t think that it made sense practically, I would still abide by it because it’s from God 

However, I do happen to think that it also makes practical sense. As a Christian the most important person in my life is Jesus Christ. That will remain the case if I should get married. If I’m marrying a Christian guy then that’s great because he has the same priorities and we can encourage each other in that. Marrying a non-Christian, even one with the same moral values as myself wouldn’t be the same. He’ll have different priorities. Even if he respects my beliefs, he doesn’t share them and that is bound to cause problems. No matter how much someone acts like a Christian on the outside, on the inside they aren’t one unless they recognise and accept that they are a sinner and that only Jesus can save them. Unless my hypothetical husband believes that then we’re always going to struggle. My faith is THE most important thing in my life. It is pretty much unthinkable that I could spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t share that with me. Life as a Christian is tough and I’ll need as much support as possible. I’m not going to get that by marrying a non-Christian.

That’s not to say that it can’t ever work. I have seen that in some instances it can, because God is very gracious. My mum wasn’t a Christian when she started going out with my dad (who was!).