Let’s talk politics.

The first section of last night’s democratic debate concentrated a huge amount of time on Obama’s relationships with various controversial figures, however flimsy. As a future politician, I now realize that I must completely distance myself from any controversial person that I have ever come into contact with, no matter how obscurely that contact occurred.

First, I’ll just acknowledge that, at one point, Adolf Hitler appeared in a movie that I watched during my eighth grade history class. I apologize for viewing that film, but would like to point out that my teacher didn’t forewarn us that Hitler would appear in that movie. If I had known, I would have walked out of the classroom.

Second, I heard a Norwegian joke once, and I did laugh at it. I laughed at it because I’m a Swede and laughing at Norwegian jokes comes with the territory. However, I now reject and denounce that joke and I completely disown the person who made that joke. No really, they tried to call me today, and I didn’t pick up the phone because it might ruin my future political career.

Third, I once dated a Republican. I assure you that the relationship is now over and that it will not happen again. The fact that I dated a Republican does not make me one, I can assure you.