OMG! I just remembered Sonic's bonding assessment...

For all adoptive moms, you may find this interesting. I had forgotten all about it until today when it just came to me.

Sonic's adoption worker and his agency were NOT friendly to us. They didn't like us. I don't remember why, but they really didn't want us to adopt Sonic, even though nobody else (sadly) was interested in such a high needs child of color (plus he was a boy...he had the deck stacked against him). We loved Sonic and he was making progress, but the social worker was a kid, really, and she had a grudge against us.

Anyway, I remember having to go to the agency to have a "bonding assessment" which meant that they wanted to make sure he was attached to us. This is what they did and, in retrospect, I wonder how valid it was or if they would have stopped the adoption if he had done the wrong thing.

First, they had him interact with husband and me (which he gladly did). Then they told us they wanted us to leave the room. If he cried for us, he was attached to us. If not, he was not attached to us. For the record, at the time Sonic was almost three years old.

As soon as we left the room, we heard Sonic yelling and crying for Daddy and Mommy. It was a very long, hard road with our social worker against us and the agency the most incompetent one we'd ever come across, but they did let us adopt him in the end. They told us that the bonding assessment was one of the biggest reasons.

I have never heard of any adoptive parent having this sort of bonding assessment before or after. I wonder how accurate it is. We knew Sonic would cry when he left...he cried every time we weren't in the same room as him and this particular child WAS attached to us.

But...in retrospect, this memory strikes me as a very odd way to judge attachment. I don't recall that they did any other tests (except watching us interact with him).

I've not adopted. But that would be inaccurate anyway. Most children by the age of 3 have gone beyond the point of crying for their parents when they leave. Shoot, most 2 yrs olds won't do it either. Of course depends on the child's personality and developmental level to some degree too.

Nichole would and did pitch a fit, but I never had a reason for a sitter with her so she wasn't used to being away from parents. easy child and Travis could've cared less, and they were both very attached. geez Many of the kids that went through my daycare didn't after the age of 2, except those not used to sitters.....and that rarely lagged until age 3.

That is an extremely subjective test in my opinion, and I'm thinking someone dreamed it up on the spot trying to come up with a way for you not to be able to adopt.