(or the emotive diary of a girl trying to adult her way through life)

4 – Aren’t Boys Sluts (too)? [It’s Rant Time]

Before reading on:
I’m actually scared to be posting this, even though I’ve been wanting to share this for a long time. This is not going to be a cheery post – it’s more about a controversial yet delicate, complex and grey situation – one which I can’t fully understand myself (and something which I’m preparing myself to receive backlash for). But after recent events in my life and coincidentally having girl friends of mine debating about this too, I thought it’s best to share my view in my own way. This post is directed mainly to a small but prevalent percentage of [heterosexual] boys (it can also be directed to any person, despite their gender or orientation, who does what’s listed below). To any boy reading this: no, I am not a radical feminist ready to slice your head off or tear you up in pieces through this post. I do not want you to assume that I hate your gender and that all of you do what is written below. This is MY humble opinion: yes, I may be wrong and if you do disagree, you are more than welcome to share your side of the argument with me. I am truly grateful for men who were a shoulder to lean on through hard times, and I’m even thankful for those who have hurt me or picked on me for what I do, say or look like – they made me grow a tougher skin. Onto the actual rant!

Dear Boys,

You have always been told to respect women as much as possible – yes, you might be fed up of hearing this rant over and over because it might make you think that you’re never doing anything right. It might imply that you don’t do enough for us women, or that you’re stupid enough not to realise the mistakes you’re always doing. I get it, those few words of advice have been used way too many times, and you might think that women expect something grand or extra effort from your part to make us feel comfortable around you. It might have made you feel that respecting women involves doing something spectacular and unattainable which is out of this world, but I guess you tend to forget that respecting women is also about not doing.

I think it’s safe to say that there are things which I dislike about you (in the same way you might dislike things about women) – or rather, things which I dislike about your doings. There are studies which clearly indicate sex differences in brain morphology, which in turn might explain why the female sex and the male sex act and react differently to the same situation. However, the one seemingly petty thing I cannot grasp my mind around is your ways of expressing your provocativeness. It’s not that women aren’t provocative – evolutionary speaking, it is crucial for both men and women to be provocative if we intend to continue the Homo sapiens legacy. Nevertheless, it’s crystal clear that women tend to be provocative in different ways to you guys (that is, if society doesn’t label them).

I shall explain myself better by referring to a famous scenario – the classic Paceville Night Out : the land where the booze flows and the beats drop (or the place where Hugo managed to make it his own, but we don’t need to delve into that). Looking at one side of the coin, you see women flaunting their curves through sleek dresses and strutting their way in high heels – whether they do this for attention or for a confidence boost, you can’t help but notice them. But all hell breaks if she’s seen being provocative with random guys, and society erases her name and writes SLUT in black marker on a sticky note to label her. Now flip to the other side of the coin – and it seems accepting and awesome for you boys to express your provocativeness openly, particularly in such a clubbing scene: and it starts with young bachelors sitting in a bar, eyes beaming towards a woman with attractive big (or small) assets. It’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with looking at a woman and stating the fact that she’s hot: girls including myself are guilty of stating such facts – for both men AND women. But the cherry starts tasting sour when the night ends up being a hunters’ gathering – or worse, when it’s revealed that the night was meant to be a hunters’ gathering after all!

In a blink of an eye, a group of single men become a pack of lions, assuming they are rulers of a supposed animal kingdom as they prepare themselves to attract mates. They put on pride so efficiently and this makes them secure that they will conquer at all costs. They pounce as they enter every possible territory, sneaking and sniffing at every corner to snare the lucky catch to spend the night with them. A potential candidate is spotted: and their engine is turned on faster than the speed of light and the search suddenly becomes a race! And the lions can’t contain their drives because they are now in it to win it and if they don’t manage to achieve this goal it will be devastating! You can see them compete for the survival of the fittest: teasing each other and battling out to determine who has most potential to sweep their catch first and call it their own. And then one of the lions gets in the arena and scores his tongue through – AND THE PACK GOES WILD: and all the lions gather around, roaring and cheering as the now hero is winning for the whole team! There are those mammals appearing to emerge from other tribes (if not from the same winning pack) who glare enviously by the side wishing they weren’t losers whilst their urges to score continue to erupt in their bones and become more vigorous: it must suck not to be victorious – but the champions do not fret for a second because the pack’s aim has been reached! The night is complete!

In a perhaps exaggerated and detailed manner, the above paragraph may metaphorically describe perfectly what a minority of you boys do on a night out clubbing away whenever a girl catches your eye: You suddenly put on this pride and the night is yours to take over, and the source of pleasure doesn’t become the company you share with whoever you’re with: it is more a battle of who will get the girl first, or who will get as many girls as they possibly can. Do learn that there’s nothing cool about acting and doing such things, because it is disgusting! No, I do not see a strong and heroic pack of lions in such situations – I see an immature group of buffoons desperate to extract pleasure from sticking their tongue inside a girl’s throat to tame their sexual engine, hence in that way, have the best night ever. Instead of just appreciating a girl’s beauty, you decide to take the opportunity to ‘get in there’ instead of taking a step back. But it’s fine for boys like you to do this – it’s not like society degrades you and stamps SLUTon you when you buffoon around with girls, because society doesn’t care! Everyone else seems to brush it off – but why should I simply brush it off? Why should I define the above as ‘respect towards a woman’ when it clearly isn’t?This may be such a futile argument coming from a girl like me: I shouldn’t whine about your doings if it has nothing to do with me, but it actually does:because I know boys who act like this and I also have [girl] friends who fall for such buffoons: so I will whine because although this argument may not have to do with me, it does have to do with the way you objectify women!

A girl isn’t the prey you fish for just so you could boast with everyone what your catch of the day is – She is not the snack you binge on to feed your sexual appetite – She is not the chill pill you take whenever you find yourself on the brink of bursting into hot fits – She is not the vitamin you chew on to boost up your self-esteem! You do not do these things just so you can satisfy your horniness!

I don’t know why you behave in such a manner: whether if it’s out of choice, or more of an instinct. What I do know is that I don’t want to spend my whole life perceiving you as buffoons just because a small (or large – it’s still debatable) percentage of you act like ones! I don’t want to let something like this overshadow who you truly are, because regardless of how you might treat women, you are not buffoons! You are humans encapsulating a heart which can be good and understanding. You experience hardships as much as us women do and there are girls who have also acted like buffoons towards you -which is not right because no gender should experience being objectified! But why are women still being slut-shamed for doing the same thing that you boys are glorified for?!

I can keep on venting out my feelings about this topic forever, but this shall be the end of my statement. I unfortunately don’t have the answers for what you can do to stop this, but at least I can make you aware that this behaviour irritates me a bit a lot – and I’m sure I am not the only one. So NO, dear boys: us women aren’t your objects of satisfaction, and we shouldn’t lose faith in you because of this – you can do and be so much better than this!