Sitting here on the eve of the Kindle release of As it Seems, an absolute jangled mess of nerves, I ask myself one question: Why do I write? Why publish my thoughts for everyone to read? (Okay, that's two!) The simple answer is: I have something to say and this is how I express myself. But it's not easy, especially for someone who takes criticism to heart. I dread the moment I bump into someone I know has read my book...and they say nothing. Ouch! It stings. I'd rather they said, "nice try" than nothing!

I can't help but wonder how this novel will be received by readers of my first book. Will they love it or hate it? Will they be disappointed with my sophomore effort? I don't know. I want to say 'and I don't care!' but that would be a lie. In my last blog post, I said 'I wrote this book for me and if my readers like it, that's the icing on the cake.' Well, I want a big ass cake made only withicing, inside and out!

Believe me when I say it's not pleasant to read a nasty review about something I put my heart and soul into. My books are my babies; the characters, my family. Imagine someone criticizing your child in a very public way? Doesn't feel good. Publishing a book is like dropping your little ones off at school for the first time ever, praying the other kids won't pick on them, that they are accepted for who they are. But...we know deep down not everyone will love them as we do. Our hope is the good outweighs the bad. The same goes for my baby, As it Seems. Not everyone will love it. All I can do is set it free and hope for the best.

My new book comes with a few disclaimers:

One, the setting is primarily in Rhode Island but I created two fictitious towns. Why? Because Rhode Island is a small state and I believe the social underpinnings explored in this book could be Anytown, USA. I'm not pointing fingers, though if you know RI well enough you may have some idea where I got my inspiration. For my New England friends who love to read about home, not all locations are fictitious. A lot happens in Providence, Boston and Nantucket, with a few mentions of Bristol and Newport.

Two, this book tackles difficult topics such as adultery and depression. An unfortunate fact of life is most people have experienced adultery in one form or another, or know someone who has. The same goes for depression, whether mild and fleeting or severe and lasting. It's been called 'a page turner with plenty of action', but 'could trigger some painful emotions or memories'. You've been warned!

Three, there are intimate scenes in this book. No big surprise to anyone who read my first novel! That said, you will never find gratuitous sex in any of my books. If I include this type of scene, there's a purpose. It's meant to capture an emotion that drives the story forward, whether it's love or hate, desire or despair. According to readers, the scenes depicted in my first book were 'full of love.' In my second book, the emotions are more complex and the reasons for these scenes more complicated as a result. Some are heartwarming, others are not.

Four, because of the subjects addressed, I don't recommend this book to anyone under 17. Not because the intimate scenes are more graphic than my first novel, but because I don't think teenagers can understand or appreciate the stage of life I've depicted here. This is written from the perspective of people in their forties, not their twenties as in What if I Fly? This isn't about the first flush of love. As it Seems is about what happens once that flush fades and how love grows and changes.

Disclaimers aside, this story is not doom and gloom, I promise. By the time you reach the last page, you will have a smile on your face, and a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart.

I was bound to receive a negative review eventually, and I did. And I'm sure there are more to come. Not everyone is going to like my story and that's okay. But I won't lie, reading my first really awful review was gut wrenching! So of course I reached out to my close friends and whined, told them how this woman shredded my book. And one of my friends replied, "Was it constructive feedback?" Hmmm... Constructive? I read through the painful review again.

The answer was no. Not it the least.

This reader just didn't like the story, and went on about how she didn't understand why everyone else is giving it five star reviews. So my friend said, "Then who cares?" And she's right. If the woman had ranted about my writing style being awful, thought I couldn't string together a coherent sentence, or felt I was in any way like my least favorite author (she who shall remain nameless), then I would take offense. But not liking my story? Okay, I can deal with that.

My fear, when I released this book, was that people would attack my writing. I didn't know if I was 'good enough' but something kept driving me forward, forcing me to face my fears and put it out there. The worst review I could ever receive is I have no business writing! And while my story may not be to some peoples liking, no one is challenging my right to write! Some have even praised my style. I have to remember that when negative reviews rear their ugly heads.

Something I've discovered is that writing is far less about talent than it is about practice, perseverance and patience. That's all it takes to write a book. A valuable piece of advice from Stephen King, "You can only learn by doing." He's absolutely right.

I wrote my editor a note the other day, thanking him for teaching me how to write a book. I said "anyone can write a bunch of words but without structure and focus, that's all they are." Handing him my manuscript was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I opened myself up to criticism, and that's not something I...enjoy. Who does? I wrote a romance for women, and here I was giving it to a man, an Ivy League grad no less! And he did rip it apart (in a constructive way), and I took what he said and made it better. And with each draft I learned a little bit more.

Yeah, it totally sucks to read nasty comments about something I poured my heart into, but I can't let it bother me. If someone wants to offer me constructive feedback, I'm open to it. Hell! I welcome it! But not liking my story? Eh. There are much worse things in life. Like regret.

I didn't know what to expect when I sat down to write my first novel last summer. I thought maybe it was another one of my many whims. Something to occupy my time while I twiddled my thumbs at work. I didn't realize writing would come so naturally, the words flowing effortlessly from the visions in my head to the computer screen in front of me. I didn't know I could sit at the kitchen table, or the couch, sometimes in bed, and write for fifteen hours straight, or that I would look forward to doing it!

I didn't know whether anyone other than me would ever read it. Well, me and my good friend Becky who eagerly read the pages as fast as I wrote them. And eventually, my editor, Stuart, who taught me to be ruthless with my work, to get rid of any passage, no matter how much I loved the scene, if it didn't drive the story forward. I didn't know I had the guts to take whatever criticism was thrown my way, and grow from it.

A lot can happen in three weeks.

I didn't know people, a lot of people, would love my work. I didn't know the most common phrases I'd come to hear are "I loved it! I couldn't put it down! I read it in two days!" And "I never wanted it to end!" I didn't expect people to thank me for writing this book. Thank me?! No! Thank YOU for reading it! Really!

I thought I wrote a little romance novel that might appeal to women, probably housewives, aged 25-55, who live in Rhode Island. It was a pretty specific demographic. I didn't expect a 77 year old man, a total stranger from California, to enjoy it. Or any man for that matter! But many have, and many do!

I didn't expect the woman at my favorite bookshop who deals with self-published authors, to say my novel "is the best to cross her path in years," or to tell me she gave a copy to her book rep because "it's just that good." I didn't expect the young man behind the counter at another bookstore to light up when I told him my name, or tell me he's "never seen anything like it!" My books "are flying off the shelf!"

I never believed someone would ask if they could feature my book on a local morning show. Television? Really?

I never thought I'd receive messages and reviews like these:

"Just finished the book - I cried in so many parts - so beautifully written! I was constantly right there with the characters. Jayne - you've outdone yourself! I highly recommend it to all to read! Thank you for writing it!"

"Normally I have some difficulty being captured by a book. This book grabbed me from the beginning and held me hostage until I finished. Love that it takes place in Rhode Island. Great character development, felt as if I really knew them and connected with their "Roller Coaster" ride through life. Great read, highly recommended!!!"

"I do not read romance novels, ever. I picked this up largely because of the Rhode Island setting... Too few books are set there, despite all it has to offer. I'm really glad I did. Ms. Conway has crafted a very effective, modern-day spin on "Romeo & Juliet," tinged with some of the class-consciousness of "Jane Eyre" and insights into small-town America à la "Our Town." The characters are well-drawn and realistic, as are their struggles -- both visible (a wedding reception gone very wrong) and internal (tough decisions and ethical quandaries). I also really enjoyed the fluidity with which the author moved back and forth through time, which can be tough to follow if done badly but here was flawlessly executed. Definitely worth your time."

"Jayne I finished your book. I am so proud of you, it was great. Very well written, had my attention & I didn't want to put it down. GREAT JOB!"

"Oh Jayne! Loving the book. Been a long time since I've read a book I don't want to end. Trying to not rush through it, yet captivated."

"I just wanted to let you know that I truly LOVED your book! So much! I spent 2 days allllll day reading it. The first day I think I read for 8 hours! It was so good! I loved the humor and gasped when I read the words (DELETED SPOILER!) I got teary at a few parts and now I really want to come to RI for the 4th of July! I will read anything you write!!"

Three weeks ago, I pressed the submit button on the Amazon website and held my breath, then spent the next week in a constant state of panic, hardly sleeping at night, as I spread the word throughout my social network that I'd <gulp> written a book. Who does that? No one I know! Am I completely insane? Doubts crowded my every waking thought. What if I become a local laughingstock? What if everyone hates it? What if I've been deluding myself? What if I totally suck? I hate what ifs.

Today? I feel a lot better about taking this leap into the unknown. Phew! And I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to not only read What if I Fly? but also reach out and reassure me that I don't suck, and share how I've touched their lives in some small way. It means a lot.

Now, the pressure's on for book two and I have to admit, I'm a little nervous. I don't want to disappoint anyone! But then I sit in front of my computer...and everything else fades away. I'm transported to another world, lost in the lives of my characters. The words flow effortlessly and I lose track of time.

F&%*ing typos! When I say I've proofed my book for typos at least a hundred times, I'm not exaggerating! And every single time I skim through the manuscript, I manage to find another one. When I finally turned over my files for publishing I thought for sure I had caught them all...but no. This weekend I picked up the actual printed paperback copy of my book, just to admire the finished product ;) and found a dozen more.

Now it's not just frustrating, it's embarrassing! People (my friends!) have bought this book and are reading my mistakes. My mom pointed out an extra word left in and a word left out. I found some dialogue missing end quotes (what the what?!?) and a paragraph where I used the same word three times.

I'm a perfectionist. To release this book to the world was HARD for me to do. There's always something to improve or something to add/delete, but I finally hit a point a few weeks back and said, "Enough is enough. Let it go!"

I just thought I was letting it go TYPO FREE!

This morning I resubmitted my files, praying I'd caught them all this time. The paperback won't be available for sale today while the files are being reviewed, again, but the kindle is up, and anyone who has purchased a kindle copy automatically gets the updated files sent to their device.