written for those of you who seem to care

February 17, 2018February 17, 2018

playing catch up

Guess who forgot to blog for an entire month? This girl.

No, but really I’ve missed y’all.

January was a wild ride as I got to travel every weekend! There’s something about seeing new places that will inspire you and bring out the childlike wonder you thought you had lost. It’s been weird going from being this “cool jet-setter girl” to spending a Friday night alone in my room writing blog posts for strangers on the internet.

You realize when you leave the bubble that is your life that there is an entire world out there filled with possibility. So for all the times you hate your life and everyone around you, just remember that you can always leave and start completely anew.

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Graduating has me on absolute edge. I love the way things have been going, and I don’t want to say goodbye to this chapter of my life. At the same time, I know that it’s time to move onto bigger things. I started my internship last week and it’s an eerie feeling knowing that this is what my everyday life will be post-May. I want life to slow down – to hit pause and be forever young.

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I oftentimes reflect on the girl I was when I first started this blog. So much has changed, and I’ve really molded into someone I can’t recognize sometimes. The new Iman is confident and is finally at peace with herself. The new Iman doesn’t hate herself. The new Iman talks in the third person. I was able to learn so much about myself this last month. I’ve really let go of the mindset that I am not “allowed” to act or be a certain way. Doing whatever feels right. Trying new things. Not letting the haters hold me back. It’s been refreshing, yet so foreign. I feel as though I’m living in one of those young adult ABC sitcoms.

What’s really changed for me is the way I view romantic relationships. I used to worry often – the brown aunty on the inside kept screaming that I would never get married. The truth is I’m way too young, and not even slightly ready for marriage. I haven’t experienced anything! I haven’t made any mistakes! I need to end up with a Jack Pearson, and I don’t know anyone resembling Jack Pearson.

What I want: someone who makes time for me and genuinely cares about what I have to say, someone who makes sure I’ve made it back to my room safely, someone who cares about my friends as much as I do, someone who shows appreciation often, someone who calms me down, someone who is pure and good, someone who pushes me outside of my comfort zone, someone who supports me no matter what, someone who will listen to my rants, someone who is committed to making me happy. A tall boy on my wavelength with a good sense of humor that makes everyday activities enjoyable. I’ve found glimmers of hope, yet no one has ever tried hard enough to be that person for me. I’ll listen to podcasts on how female CEO’s built their legacies, and they will always mention their husband who had their back the entire time. That’s what I want out of a partner. Consistency, stability, never-ending support. You know you’re getting old when your values shift.

I have learned what makes me happy and what I can’t stand in men. Because of the newfound confidence I have in myself, I’ve realized that it’s okay to want more out of people. You don’t have to settle for the first boy who makes you feel some typa way. I’ve learned (the hard way) that you can’t make someone care about you no matter how hard you try. It doesn’t matter how many pretty dresses you wear or how many jokes you crack, you can’t make someone love you. I’ve come to learn that if they wanted to see you they would make the time. I’ve learned that not every little thing is a sign from God. To stop reading into things that aren’t there. There will be people who lead you to believe that they love you but if they aren’t there for you at your darkest hours they are not the one for you.

Well that’s all the ~wisdom~ I have to share for now. Catch you guys in another month?