Tuesday, May 24, 2011

My Shield of Faith

God is faithful.

Our desire to add a third baby to the family began several years ago. It took some convincing, but Corey finally agreed...well...I'll say..relented in 2009. We had wonderful perfect plans of how and when it would fit into our timeline. We had two babies of happy accident fame, so never did we anticipate the fact that years and circumstances would change.
After two almost back to back pregnancy losses, our faith was shaken. We began to question if this was really God's will for our lives...another baby. We have both honestly stated that we would not change anything about what happened with those pregnancies. We stated that even before we were successful with a third.
There is nothing like the closeness to God you feel in the midst of what seems like the worst thing that can happen. Corey and I were pulled together as team in such a deep way...we were both pulled close to God in such a deep way. There is no substitute for tragedy as a faith building exercise.
At the beginning of this pregnancy, we had signs of it bringing yet another loss. For night and half a day we experienced the same fears and prayed the same prayers we had prayed twice before.
Yet, God moved in our lives and she lived inside me. She thrived.
I was sick and my body was tired. Our family was growing.
And now, we have seen faith realized.
The Bible verse that I clung to during the times when we waited out the losses...

"Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for....the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

It means even more to me as I have been through this particular fire and have seen that God is always faithful and He will see us through to the answer He has in store. Whether that be a deep contentment with the journey and companionship with Him. Or whether it be through an answer that you will forever be able to point at and say, "there.... there is the evidence that God is faithful...there is the evidence that God answers prayers and gives out blessings above and beyond all that we could ever imagine or repay." Or whether it be through both. A journey that has left me on the other side of the entire thing RICH with both. With increased faith...increased trust.....a building up of my marriage, my family, my confidence, the ability to face things I would have never dreamed my body could make it through emotionally or physically.

I can't imagine now...if we had had it easy with bringing Ruby into the world and into our family. I wouldn't trade a single minute of the last two years. I am blessed to have this layer added to my Shield of Faith. When doubts threaten my ability to trust we will be ready. We have the evidence. That God is faithful...He is faithful to US, and His plan is for our good. And it is very good.

Oh, she's beautiful!!! Congrats! I just got on here for the first time in awhile and immediately went to your blog to see if you had had her. Way to go with no epidural! I don't know if I could do it, but I admire people that can sooo much!!!

Thank you for writing this - it is so well said and beautifully written, and just what I needed to read... trusting in God's plan and will for our lives. I have been sad thinking that this baby is another girl and I don't know if we will ever have a son... but of course it is for a greater reason and she will be cherished and loved. Thinking of others having lost pregnancies and those who cannot even conceive a baby at all puts it into perspective for me!