Musings, (mis)adventures and life beyond being a WAHM

#KeepGoing

Not because it is trending nowadays but because depression is real. It can happen to anyone and I can say most of us have come to that point when life seems so unfair, when we felt unloved and unappreciated, when we are so confused, we are mad, we are hurt and we no longer see any reason to continue.

I decided to include this topic in my new “Monday Motivation” series because people who are depressed need inspiration, encouragement, kindness and love.

I’ve been there, too. I don’t know if anyone ever took my suicidal statement seriously, maybe they all thought I was just joking when I said I tried to drink Zonrox (bleach) and use a blade to cut myself. They always thought I am a happy pill, that I am a strong girl that can surpass any challenges and still smile.

But behind that laughing face, though, was a girl who felt unloved and unappreciated.

When all efforts are put into action but they’re all put into waste.

My parents never uttered “I am proud of you” but keeps on telling people I am stubborn and hard-headed. Well, I am. I am that black sheep in the family. I am the biggest challenge they’ve had. I am rebellious. I’ve always been that bad girl, who can shout at my mom angrily just to state my point – I wanted to be free! I wanted to do it my way. But everyone judged me and questioned me. When I wanted to study Journalism, no one ever believed in me so I took Hotel and Restaurant Services without a choice. When I decided to change my religion, everyone’s mad at me. They don’t want me to decide on my own, because I am a worthless trash!

That’s how my life was. That’s how depression attacks. It goes into the deepest part of your soul and eat you up. It’ll throw everything at your face reminding you of your weakness. It’ll fill your heart with pain, hurt and anger. It’ll change the way you think. It will change you. It will not stop until you surrender and give up.

;

But life is beautiful

Always remember that. Life may be imperfect, but life is very meaningful. I can say I am strong enough to not give up on life and still give it a chance on me. And I am thankful I did not let my emotions take over me.

And to tell you honestly, I just started living with purpose when I became a mom. Yes, it has been a roller coaster beginning for both me and my husband. But that was my turning point. That’s when I realize, mistakes are bound to happen and no one makes it right all the time. That no matter how we tried, people will always have something to say against us. So I learned not to rely on people and always believe that everything’s gonna be okay. That no matter what they say, at the end of the day, it’s still us that will decide on our lives.

So keep going, you’re doing just fine. Do not meet those expectations you’re not into, do not dwell on your failures, instead use them as stepping stones. Do not hurt yourself, instead love yourself better than anyone else can. Life is beautiful, live it.

Don’t keep it to yourself

This one’s a tough one. Because not everybody will listen. And even if we try to speak up, it seems that no word can really describe what’s going on. As simple as it seems, depression has no face and it’ll be hard to distinguish who’s under the curse. Because again, emotions are deceiving. And instead of having been talked about or not being understood, we’re just hiding in the shadow of our emotions. We would like to just be alone and refrain from explaining ourselves because no one will really understand.

In my personal experience, blogging is one way to express myself without being judged or laughed at. It’s been my outlet. I share my feelings here. My broken dreams, rants and stories. Writing it all down releases tension and it’s making me feel a little better.

But, there is one better way to speak it out loud. Not to the world though, but to the Father that will surely listen, take heart and understand. Pray! And speak your heart out. Surrender and cry it all out. You’ll surely find peace and rest in the presence of the Lord. It’s a no failure method, believe me.

You are enough. You are beautiful. Do not keep that beauty in yourself. Let the world see it.

Lastly, remember that you are loved

If ever you felt unloved or unappreciated, look up and remember the cross… I don’t want to be so spiritual here, but no other love is greater than that. This world will judge you for everything you’d do, but someone have loved you and have sacrificed everything just to give you this beautiful life. That should be enough reason to continue and never give up, right? You can always count into Jesus, into God and stop aiming for this world’s acceptance. And whatever it is that you’re going through right now, you can overcome. Just don’t dwell on pain and depression. Focus on beautiful things. Always put the sunny side up!

Dear friend, depression may be a tough battle to fight, but we can do something about it rather than hurting ourselves. If you need someone to talk to, go to your family or your closest friend. And in silence, cry it all out to God. Live your purpose. Do not quit.