The Hierarchy of Attractiveness

Here’s a fact for you: If your face is really nice, I might act a little strange around you. It’s just going to happen.

Everything is subjective of course, so personally, there are a few things that especially set me off. I won’t mention them because I’d rather not be considered prejudiced. We all KNOW that everyone has something they kinda like a lot. Mine are private.

But anyway, this fact becomes very important in moments where I have to, you know, interact with people. I would never flirt with anyone, but nevertheless a drama/battle of nerves ensues in my brain, so I’ll do anything to keep my cool and evade that fiendish devil, embarrassment. Heavens forbid I get ~flustered~

To illustrate, I have made a hierarchy, complete with GIFs. This one is applied to my life as a waitress. Enjoy.

1.Okay, let’s get this over with.

At this point, the boy(s) in question aren’t gorgeous and I have absolute control. #Strut

2. Cute.

I have noticed the male species, but it’s still business as usual.

3. Second look.

Ok, there’s cause for distraction here.

4. Well hi.

So exciting to see a fresh, attractive face. Shame I’m working.

5. Hello, my name is — Oh heyyyy.

You better tip as good as you look, cuz danggg.

6. Ok, brace yourself, it’s a looker.

We have just left the safety of comfort and control and have wandered into stupidity.

7. Beautiful people. Again. Right.

Get your beautifulness ready for my… this.

8. I don’t have a chance.

How am I supposed to communication?

9. Did they just sit him in MY section?!

I just know I’m going to say something stupid. Here come ALL the stuttering.

10. I CAN’T.

Somebody better stop me, because next thing you know, something crazy like “Marry me” will fall out my mouth.

To all the servers out there trying to focus today on their jobs and not get psychologically and biologically hazed by the beautiful people you serve… good luck.