Decisions... decisions....

I dont think I've ever posted here so I will try to write a background. Bear with me. it will be long. I will put stars at the bottom if you would like to skip to the current issue. But you honestly need to understand how MIL (mother-in-law) works...

When I got with hubby she was a major prescription drug user. She was a drama starting, mentally unstable, unenjoyable person. I have never got along with her.

Hubby and I got together in 2004 and married in February 2006. In July 2006 hubby left for a tour in Iraq. He was gone from July 06 to October 07. During this time I had numerous phonecalls from random relatives asking about Tyson. MIL (mother-in-law) started rumors in order to get sympathy. These rumors included him breaking a leg, breaking his back, being blown up and brain damaged, losing his vision, having a leg amputated, etc...

I was semi prepared to handle these rumors and always let people know that hubby was fine, I talked to him every morning, and that if anything happened I would be the first to know and would personally inform everyone. Hubby's older brother, G, was usually the one to call me.

So one morning I get a phonecall from G asking once again if hubby had been killed. I brushed it off and assured G that I had spoken to him hours before and he was fine.

Then I get a call from a number i dont know. I answer and it is hubbys brother, C. Now C has never called me before. He is kind of antisocial and keeps to himself. C is freaking out. He is with his grandparents. They had picked him up from work because MIL (mother-in-law) had called them and told them the same thing. That he had been blown up by an IED and was dead.

This angered me. C, out of anger, had kicked in the soda machine at his work and been fired.

So I reassure him....yadayadayada.

Then I try to call MIL, no answer. Try again, no answer. Meanwhile I am getting angrier and angrier.

BFF calls and asks me to go pick her up because she wants to hang out and has no gas money. I inform her that "If I go to town I am killing someone." She says "Oh...ok" and hangs up.

About 10 minutes later she shows up LOL. She knew something was up. She gets the whole background and decides she is going to call. So she does from her phone. MIL (mother-in-law) answers, she says MIL's name and MIL (mother-in-law) recognizes her voice and hangs up. She tries again and again and gets no response.

Finally a give up and drive over there. I knock on, well bang on, the door.

Some big burly dude answers. Ive never seen him before in my life. He is huge, and scary.

I yell "WHERE THE FUCK IS (MIL)!"

He says "Who are you?"

I shove through him and start screaming. I cant honestly remember what I said to her. Big dude is freaking out, hubbys friend is sitting on the couch crying. I am screaming obscenities and what not.

Big dude says "What is going on here?"

I tell him "Shut up! I will deal with you in a moment"

He sits quietly in his chair.

I finally get my wits about me. MIL (mother-in-law) informs me that some lady called her and said she was a seargant and told her hubby was killed. I ask for the number. She checks her caller ID and gives it to me.

I call, its a bill collector. I ask for another fake number.

Then I politely inform big dude (happened to be hubby's uncle from out of state) and crying friend that it is all a hoax. That MIL (mother-in-law) has done this numerous times. That I had talked to hubby that very morning and could assure them all he was sleeping in bed. That if he indeed was killed I was to be the first one notified. That I would recieve a phonecall asking if I was home, then I would be told to remain there. That a car would come pick me up. I would be taken to the armory, and informed of his death there. With a support team around me.

MIL (mother-in-law) freaks out and tells me that's bullshit. That she is his mother, that she would be notified first. I tell her to go smoke some more crack. That she has embarassed herself and knows nothing of the military life.

While I was there the phone rang and she asked me answer. I dont know how the rumor spread so far so fast but one of hubby's ex bosses was having flowers delivered!! I politely informed the delivery man to refund their money, that nothing had happened.

I have no idea what she planned to accomplish with this. Just play it off for another 6 months and then he makes a miraculous recovery? To soak up the attention and sympathy for a few days and then tell everyone "OMG, they made a mistake.."

Anyways, as frustrating as that is, it gets worse.

In January 2009 we delivered our sweet little man, Tate. On valentines day at 1:30 am my phone rings. It was my sister. I start freaking out. No one calls me this late unless something is wrong!

So I answer and hear "OMG He's fine, I can hear him crying in the background!"

So I say "WTF?"

And sis informs me of the new occurance.

Sis is married to J. J has a sister named V. Even though they are not really V is my kids aunt. V has a good friend name C who is married to MIL's ex husband. C has met my kids quite a few times.

Anyways MIL (mother-in-law) called her ex for some strange reason and left a voicemail saying Tate had passed away!!! So C calls V to find out. V (who lost a child) is freaking out and calls her brother. He tells her MIL (mother-in-law) in a nutcase and everything is fine. Then lays in bed for an hour freaking out too and has my sister call.

Hubby calls her numerous times the next day with no answer. She finally answers and says "I didnt do anything. He is trying to set me up so you guys hate me.."

Hubby hadnt even asked her what happened or told her anything about it. He tells her to F off. That if she wants Tate dead than she is not allowed to see him anymore.

So from febraury to May we did not speak to MIL. She saw Tate once in May because hubbys grandmother had a birthday party so we went for her.

I think it was October that MIL (mother-in-law) called hubby and asked why she couldnt see Tate. Why my parents got to see him all the time. Hubby finally stood up to her and told her it was because of her drug use.

So MIL (mother-in-law) decides she wants to straighten up her life. Hubby worked his ass off for his mom. He became her POA. He controlled all her finances and made sure her bills were paid before she bought anything else. He picked up all her meds and gave her the right dosage everyday.

It was so stressful. Just like she was a child.

But eventually she turned into a normal person. You could have a conversation with her without her passing out or slurring her words. I didnt despise her. I actually enjoyed spending time with her.

It took almost 2 years to fully trust her again. In that time we were blessed with our daughter, Bo, and hubbys brother was blessed with my sweet little neice "Bunny". Even though I did not trust her with my kids alone, BIL (brother-in-law) and his GF allowed her to watch Bunny.

One day I had no sitter. MIL (mother-in-law) offered, and unfortunately (seeing that BIL's GF was at the house) I agreed to give her a chance.

Shortly before lunch time I recieved a phone call from GF. She says "Im freaking out and dont know what to do. MIL (mother-in-law) keeps passing out."

Sure enough I rush over there and she is passed out on the floor. I yell at her and she gets up. Then passes out again. GF wants to call and ambulance. I tell her not too, that this is how she used to be, and she will be fine.

When hubby gets off work him and MIL (mother-in-law) get in a huge fight. It ends with him giving her her meds (we found out she had attained a debit card to her account and was buying pills as well as marijuana and K2) and letting her know that he was no longer helping her. That she could do what she wanted with her life.

Eventually the hurt wore off and hubby started coming back around and allowing her to see the kids again (with supervision of course).

But even through all the drug use and craziness that BIL's GF witnessed she still was allowing MIL (mother-in-law) to watch Bunny. Overnight and sometimes for as long as a week. It terrified me and I would find myself spending time over there just to make sure Bunny was safe. I had called BIL (brother-in-law) and his GF numerous times and told them to come and get her. One time I missed out on taking my kids to a movie because she was passed out again and I had to wait for GF to get there.

*************

So beginning of October MIL (mother-in-law) was watching Bunny (my neice). BIL (brother-in-law) and his GF get in a fight. BIL (brother-in-law) calls his mommy to cry and complain like he does everytime they fight. He tells MIL (mother-in-law) that GF gives Bunny adult nyquil to make her sleep all night.

Now I have no idea if this is true or not. What I can tell you is Bunny is a chubby, happy, healthy, baby. she is meeting all her milestones and seems perfectly normal.

So MIL (mother-in-law) calls DCFS. Which is cool with me. If it is occuring then it needs to stop. It doesnt bother me at all she did that.

So GF finds out DCFS has been called. She shows up to get Bunny. MIL (mother-in-law) starts screaming at her and telling her she was not taking Bunny. That MIL (mother-in-law) was getting custody of her and she would never see her daughter again.

MIL's neice was at the house. She takes Bunny and goes inside.

Someone calls the cops, GF drives off leaving Bunny with crazy MIL.

MIL (mother-in-law) decides she is going to go to the courthouse and try to get a restraining order on GF.

That is the last place she was seen for over 24 hrs. SHE KIDNAPPED MY NEICE!

The cops were calling mine and hubbys phone trying to locate her. DCFS was trying to find her. She wouldnt answer anyones phonecalls.

I dont know what occured but I do know they found her and Bunny is back with her mommy. I dont know what happened with DCFS or anything. GF will not talk to anyone on MIL's side of the family.

So this was supposed to be the final straw. Hubby finally realized it was time to protect our kids from his mom. He told me she was not allowed to see them anymore. That he didnt want her pulling something like that on us.

But of course hubby cant quit giving his mom chance after chance. He has been going there and talking to her.

She has only seen the kids once cuz we ran into her in public. But the kids were sleeping in their seats in the car so all she got to do was look at them through the window.

But now Christmas is coming up. And now I am torn on what to do.

Do I allow her to see the kids open the gifts? Do I send hubby to pick up the presents and then send her a pic of them opening, or maybe just a thank you card? Do I tell her to take back the gifts?

I seriously dont know how to feel. Tate has asked about her a couple times and I just tell him that we cant go see her. He doesnt seem upset but he is really not old enough to understand.

Comments (40)

Hell no. Total CO. If DH (dear husband) isn't on board for a CO he can go stay with her. She is potentially VERY dangerous for your children to be around. They NEED you and DH (dear husband) to protect them.

If you are concerned about presents as your first thought, I suggest therapy for you as well.

Presents allow MIL (mother-in-law) access to your children, even if it is second hand. Then you will be obligated to thank her and send her a photo of them in an outfit and I am sure she would like to see them playing with a toy. Then where do you make a boundary?

NO GIFTS! Your mil (mother-in-law) will forever see that as her hook into you because she knows she can bribe you with stuff and stay in your lives that way. And just like every other time she will slowly inch her way back in until you're making decisions to let her watch your kids because you're in a bind. Think about this - your instinct over and over is to cut her out of your lives, and yet you're reconsidering it so that she can give your kids presents. That's not the responsible thing to do. Your kids will be fine without a couple extra gifts.

Decisions... decisions.... Tatesmommy09 · Pass a Note! Posted 23 minutes ago I dont think I've ever posted here so I will try to write a background. Bear with me. it will be long. I will put stars at the bottom if you would like to skip to the current issue. But you honestly need to understand how MIL (mother-in-law) works...

When I got with hubby she was a major prescription drug user. She was a drama starting, mentally unstable, unenjoyable person. I have never got along with her.

Hubby and I got together in 2004 and married in February 2006. In July 2006 hubby left for a tour in Iraq. Hewas gone from July 06 to October 07. During this time I had numerous phonecalls from random relatives asking about Tyson. MIL (mother-in-law) started rumors in order to get sympathy. These rumors included him breaking a leg, breaking his back, being blown up and brain damaged, losing his vision, having a leg amputated, etc...

I was semi prepared to handle these rumors and always let people know that hubby was fine, I talked to him every morning, and that if anything happened I would be the first to know and would personally inform everyone. Hubby's older brother, G, was usually the one to call me.

So one morning I get a phonecall from G asking once again if hubby had been killed. I brushed it off and assured G that I had spoken to him hours before and he was fine.

Then I get a call from a number i dont know. I answer and it is hubbys brother, C. Now C has never called me before. He is kind of antisocial and keeps to himself. C is freaking out. He is with his grandparents. They had picked him up from work because MIL (mother-in-law) had called them and told them the same thing. That he had been blown up by an IED and was dead.

This angered me. C, out of anger, had kicked in the soda machine at his work and been fired.

So I reassure him....yadayadayada.

Then I try to call MIL, no answer. Try again, no answer. Meanwhile I am getting angrier and angrier.

BFF calls and asks me to go pick her up because she wants to hang out and has no gas money. I inform her that "If I go to town I am killing someone." She says "Oh...ok" and hangs up.

About 10 minutes later she shows up LOL. She knew something was up. She gets the whole background and decides she is going to call. So she does from her phone. MIL (mother-in-law) answers, she says MIL's name and MIL (mother-in-law) recognizes her voice and hangs up. She tries again and again and gets no response.

Finally a give up and drive over there. I knock on, well bang on, the door.

Some big burly dude answers. Ive never seen him before in my life. He is huge, and scary.

I yell "WHERE THE FUCK IS (MIL)!"

He says "Who are you?"

I shove through him and start screaming. I cant honestly remember what I said to her. Big dude is freaking out, hubbys friend is sitting on the couch crying. I am screaming obscenities and what not.

Big dude says "What is going on here?"

I tell him "Shut up! I will deal with you in a moment"

He sits quietly in his chair.

I finally get my wits about me. MIL (mother-in-law) informs me that some lady called her and said she was a seargant and told her hubby was killed. I ask for the number. She checks her caller ID and gives it to me.

I call, its a bill collector. I ask for another fake number.

Then I politely inform big dude (happened to be hubby's uncle from out of state) and crying friend that it is all a hoax. That MIL (mother-in-law) has done this numerous times. That I had talked to hubby that very morning and could assure them all he was sleeping in bed. That if he indeed was killed I was to be the first one notified. That I would recieve a phonecall asking if I was home, then I would be told to remain there. That a car would come pick me up. I would be taken to the armory, and informed of his death there. With a support team around me.

MIL (mother-in-law) freaks out and tells me that's bullshit. That she is his mother, that she would be notified first. I tell her to go smoke some more crack. That she has embarassedherself and knows nothing of the military life.

While I was there the phone rang and she asked me answer. I dont know how the rumor spread so far so fast but one of hubby's ex bosses was having flowers delivered!! I politely informed the delivery man to refund their money, that nothing had happened.

I have no idea what she planned to accomplish with this. Just play it off for another 6 months and then he makesa miraculous recovery? To soak up the attention and sympathy for a few days and then tell everyone "OMG, they made a mistake.."

Anyways, as frustrating as that is, it gets worse.

In January 2009 we delivered our sweet little man,Tate. On valentines day at 1:30 am my phone rings. It was my sister. I start freaking out. No one calls me this late unless something is wrong!

So I answer and hear "OMG He's fine, I can hear him crying in the background!"

So I say "WTF?"

And sis informs me of the new occurance.

Sis is married to J. J has a sister named V. Even though they are not really V is my kids aunt. V has a good friend name C who is married to MIL's ex husband. C has met my kids quite a few times.

Anyways MIL (mother-in-law) called her ex for some strange reason and left a voicemail saying Tate had passed away!!! So C calls V to find out. V (who lost a child) is freaking out and calls her brother. He tells her MIL (mother-in-law) in a nutcase and everything is fine. Then lays in bed for an hour freaking out too and has my sister call.

Hubby calls her numerous times the next day with no answer. She finally answers and says "I didnt do anything. He is trying to set me up so you guys hate me.."

Hubby hadnt even asked her what happened or told her anything about it. He tells her to F off. That if she wants Tate dead than she is not allowed to see him anymore.

So from febraury to May we did not speak to MIL. She saw Tate once in May because hubbys grandmother had a birthday party so we went for her.

I think it was October that MIL (mother-in-law) called hubby and asked why she couldnt see Tate. Why my parents got to see him all the time. Hubby finally stood up to her and told her it was because of her drug use.

So MIL (mother-in-law) decides she wants to straighten up her life. Hubby worked his ass off for his mom. He became her POA. He controlled all her finances and made sure her bills were paid before she bought anything else. He picked up all her meds and gave her the right dosage everyday.

It was so stressful. Just like she was a child.

But eventually she turned into a normal person. You could have a conversation with her without her passing out or slurring her words. I didnt despise her. I actually enjoyed spending time with her.

It took almost 2 years to fully trust her again. In that time we were blessed with our daughter, Bo, and hubbys brother was blessed with my sweet little neice "Bunny". Even though I did not trust her with my kids alone, BIL (brother-in-law) and his GF allowed her to watch Bunny.

One day I had no sitter. MIL (mother-in-law) offered, and unfortunately (seeing that BIL's GF was at the house) I agreed to give her a chance.

Shortly before lunch time I recieved a phone call from GF. She says "Im freaking out and dont know what to do. MIL (mother-in-law) keeps passing out."

Sure enough I rush over there and she is passed out on the floor. I yell at her and she gets up. Then passes out again. GF wants to call and ambulance. I tell her not too, that this is how she used to be, and she will be fine.

When hubby gets off work him and MIL (mother-in-law) get in a huge fight. It ends with him giving her her meds (we found out she had attained a debit card to her account and was buying pills as well as marijuana and K2) and letting her know that he was no longer helping her. That she could do what she wanted with her life.

Eventually the hurt wore off and hubby started coming back around and allowing her to see the kids again (with supervision of course).

But even through all the drug use and craziness that BIL's GF witnessed she still was allowing MIL (mother-in-law) to watch Bunny. Overnight and sometimes for as long as a week. It terrified me and I would find myself spending time over there just to make sure Bunny was safe. I had called BIL (brother-in-law) and his GF numerous times and told them to come and get her. One time I missed out on taking my kids to a moviebecause she was passed out again and I had to wait for GF to get there.

*************

So beginning of October MIL (mother-in-law) was watching Bunny (my neice). BIL (brother-in-law) and his GF get in a fight. BIL (brother-in-law) calls his mommy to cry and complain like he does everytime they fight. He tells MIL (mother-in-law) that GF gives Bunny adult nyquil to make her sleep all night.

Now I have no idea if this is true or not. What I can tell you is Bunny is a chubby, happy, healthy, baby. she is meeting all her milestones and seems perfectly normal.

So MIL (mother-in-law) calls DCFS. Which is cool with me. If it is occuring then it needs to stop. It doesnt bother me at all she did that.

So GF finds out DCFS has been called. She shows up to get Bunny. MIL (mother-in-law) starts screaming at her and telling her she was not taking Bunny. That MIL (mother-in-law) was getting custody of her and she would never see her daughter again.

MIL's neice was at the house. She takes Bunny and goes inside.

Someone calls the cops, GF drives off leaving Bunny with crazy MIL.

MIL (mother-in-law) decides she is going to go to the courthouse and try to get a restraining order on GF.

That is the last place she was seen for over 24 hrs. SHE KIDNAPPED MY NEICE!

The cops were calling mine and hubbys phone trying to locate her. DCFS was trying to find her. She wouldnt answer anyones phonecalls.

I dont know what occured but I do know they found her and Bunny is back with her mommy. I dont know what happened with DCFS or anything. GF will not talk to anyoneon MIL's side of the family.

So this was supposed to be the final straw. Hubby finally realized it was time to protect our kids from his mom. He told me she was not allowed to see them anymore. Thathe didnt want her pulling something like that on us.

But of course hubby cant quit giving his mom chance after chance. He has been going there and talking to her.

She has only seen the kids once cuz we ran into her in public. But the kids were sleeping in their seats in the car so all she got to do was look at them through the window.

But now Christmas is coming up. And now I am torn on what to do.

Do I allow her to see the kids open the gifts? Do I send hubby to pick up the presents and then send her a pic of them opening, or maybe just a thank you card? Do I tell her to take back the gifts?

I seriously dont know how to feel. Tate has asked about her a couple times and I just tell him that we cant go see her. He doesnt seem upset but he is really not old enough to understand.

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