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By Debbie Schlussel
Well, no, it’s not Jimmy. It’s actually the far more unsexy, leftist, anti-troops Matt Damon, as arbitrarily determined for all mankind’s women by some gay writers at People Magazine.
But, still, People asked Jimmy in its “Sexiest” issue–on stands Friday (as if you cared)–what he would do in the unlikely chance he was picked as “The Sexiest Man Alive”. His answers:

* “I would call Brad Pitt (Sexiest Man Alive 1995, 2000) just to laugh at him, hang up and continue laughing like a maniac.”
* “I’d never wear a shirt. Not to the bank. Not to the mailbox.”
* “I’d make back hair the new fashion ‘do.’ “

A Good Sense of Humor is Always Sexy

* “I would decoupage the walls of my house with thousands of my ‘Sexiest’ magazine covers.”
* “I’d charge people $4 to look at my face, $2 for seniors.”
* “I would call George Clooney (Sexiest Man Alive 1997, 2006) every day and ask, ‘Hey George, I forgot, who is the Sexiest Man Alive again? Oh that’s right, it’s me.’ “

Some one should tell People Mag that Matt Damon isn’t really Jason Bourne- he’s just an actor.
What are the criteria for sexiest man alive, anyway? Or is just like the voting for homecoming king and queen in high school- Who’s hot at the moment?
>Kimmel’s got something going for him … he’s dating fine assed Sara Silverman
I hold that against him.