Lindsey Vonn Broke Up With Tiger Woods for, Well, Being a Tiger

You know how skier Lindsey Vonn and serial cheater/former golf god Tiger Woods broke up, and she said it was because they were super busy and spending too much time apart? Well, now we're hearing that Vonn dumped Woods for cheating on her. Which ... of course he did. But honestly, I don't know what all the fuss is about over this cheating.

Advertisement

I mean, can we please put things into perspective here?

Let me quote a friend of Woods', who told the Daily Mail: "Knowing Tiger, he doesn't even see it as cheating because there's no romance or feeling there. It's just a stress reliever, like a high-ball or two after a bad day."

Oh, just a stress reliever! Well then, that's totally understandable. Some guys have a scotch on the rocks. Tiger gets naked with some "nameless, faceless" woman. Same thing.

According to this anonymous friend of Tiger (probably Tiger himself, just guessing), the cheating started after Woods was eliminated from the Farmer's Insurance Classic in February.

Unable to handle the disappointment like a grown-ass man, Woods had a one night stand. "You have to understand, while it's not right, it's not really wrong either," Woods' friend rationalizes. "Tiger isn't married. He doesn't really drink or do drugs. So what else does he have when he can't afford to lose again? He's allowed to find some relief."

Right? If you're a world-class athlete you're definitely entitled to some compensatory tail, especially if you're not doing Other Bad Things. You hero, you!

By the way, this fall I'll be teaching a symposium at Yale entitled The Dialectics of Baloney Sandwich Ethics: When What's Not Right Is Also Not Really Wrong, Either.

Anyway, Woods further proved his valor by confessing to Vonn rather than letting her find out the completely degrading way, i.e. discovering tawdry text messages on his phone, etc. (See also: Woods, ex-wife Elin.) So why did Vonn have to turn heel immediately and dump Woods like that after his first* indiscretion? Dahh, that's so mean of her, not giving him the chance to cheat on her a few dozen more times before giving up. What's the fun of that?

According to the anonymous source, Woods confessed during a couples therapy session he begged Vonn to join in on -- and she'd agreed to go only because their already strained relationship was affecting his game. Oh whatever, I think we're done here.

Honestly, it's a wonder Vonn gave Woods a chance in the first place, given his reputation. But she's smart not to give him a second chance. Call a bogey and move on, Lindsey. You can do better.