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As new leader resigns, UKIP to try a leadership system of unelected bureaucrats

UKIP’s new leader, Gerard Batten, has taken a firm and decisive grip over the party that has seen more changes than Jo Marney’s views on people a different skin colour to her, by announcing his resignation. This move has led the party to make the decision to move to a different system of leadership, one that relies on unelected bureaucrats to keep things going while everyone else has a go at winning leadership contests and stepping down.

‘I’ll be giving up the leadership, scandal permitting, in one year,’ Mr Batten said, ‘but not before I put the running of the party into the hands of some overpaid pen-pushers. I’m not sure how it’ll go down, but we in UKIP are known for embracing change’.

The overall response has been fairly positive, with one supporter saying: ‘I don’t know why we didn’t think about this before. With all the politics around each of the different branches of the party, it kinda makes sense to have a few unelected people at the top making all the decisions. Sounds like the perfect model of governance if you ask me’.

Not everyone in the party is so keen. One group has splintered off to create the UK Independence Party Independence Party. UKIPIP’s leader explained that the appointment of unelected bureaucrats was only one of a myriad of issues they would be campaigning against. ‘Being part of a party with many branches is troubling to us’, he said. ‘For example, we had someone join our Essex branch from the Doncaster branch. Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are northerners, but there are just too many in Essex. We’ve been pulled into ever-closer union when originally we only joined to be part of a free racism trading area.’

Despite the splinter group, Mr Batten remained optimistic while acknowledging fears within the ranks. He explained, “I know some people struggle when we do what is right for the party, as opposed to what is far-right, but they can rest assured that this decision is politically correct,” before realising, “Ah, maybe that’s the problem”.