Wednesday, March 31, 2010

It's actually quite laughable I am attempting to give any advice on money. I am to money what Gary Glitter is to kids...dangerous and extreme. Seriously. Up until about 2 years ago I used to see cash as just a minor obstacle to getting something that I wanted. I'd like to think I've become a little more mature concerning my finances, and I receive a gazillion requests from readers to give money advice. Well...Ima gonna give it...but this really is a case of 'the blind leading the blind' if there ever was one! So if you'll excuse the hypocrisy but here we go...

START SAVING AS SOON AS YOU START EARNING - Even if it's a tenner a week. And if you are creeping into your thirties like me IT'S NOT TOO LATE! It sucks giant donkey balls being broke. Like not having money for a red leather jacket is one thing, but having no dosh for bus fare or bread is quite another. I reckon having two saving accounts is probs the best idealio...like one for a bit of money for those 'just in case I overspend and have to eat sand before payday' kinda saving account and one slightly more ambitious one for say a house or better, a Louis Vuitton luggage set. Trunk included. I think having a bit stashed away is just a clever thing to do. There is no denying.

THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT DON'T HAVE TO BREAK THE BANK - For example: nail varnish - it seems the cheaper brands have the freshest colours anyway. Spend more on a top coat, that will stop them from chipping. Well, it never stops it from chipping but it helps the colour stay put a little longer. Clothes - Invest in accessories and shoes and spend less on threads. I am totes being for serious here. Get yo ass down to the thrift store, and buy a $20 frock. Team it with $100 shoes and some banging earrings and the whole outfit will look a million bucks. Nasty shoes will make Chanel look like Cha-no-so-much. Body lotion: A bit of Johnson's & Johnson's never hurt anybody.

THERE IS NO SHAME IN WORKING FOR MCDONALD'S...BUT WHY SHOULD YOU? - If you are studying fashion, get your ass in a clothing store and hand them your resume. Marketing or Media? Go make tea for those professional networking bad boys. Hey man, I worked for a massive household name designer when I was just a mere 20 year old, sold a raincoat to Paul McCartney and helped Victoria Beckham buy some jeans - 6 months later I had them convinced I was a 'stylist'. My point is, don't just take any job because you need $$$...put some thought into it.

MAKE SMALL CHANGES - Make the morning latte regular instead of large. Hit the sale section of your favourite store, everything lands up there anyway! Mix some moisturiser with your foundation to make it last longer. Listen to the radio, and get involved with some cheeky downloads - them albums start adding up! Not to mention the space issue! Some things cannot be skimped on however...like toilet paper. Let's all be sensible here.

ENTERTAIN AT HOME - I fucking HATE themed parties but you could hold a Turkish night for example, instead of everyone dressing up like bloody Aladdin, you could toast some Turkish bread, whip up some chickpea deliciousness that IS hummus, wear a fez and blaze up the sheesha. Or if Turkish delights ain't your cup of apple tea...play a board game, my personal favourite is rude word scrabble. Get creative.

KEEP A CHANGE JAR - The ashtray in your car doesn't count. Throw all your loose change in it at the end of the day, and when it's full, bank the fucker.

Basically owlettes, nothing is a bargain if you don't have the cash. $2 is expensive if you only have $1....ya get me? Just remember: Prostitution is not big, and it's not clever. And if you have a partner that is always asking for money...tell homeboy to take his broke ass home.