WASHINGTON (IWR News Parody) - President
Bush today announced today that he will replace Medicare with an
alternative health care subscription program for seniors provided by
Wal-Mart.

The basic pay-as-you-go service will provide 24 hour
access to a magic eight ball that will answer patient questions about
health care or who to vote for.

In addition, premium
subscribers will also receive placebos, special discounts on cat
and dog food, and professional online consultations with
accredited Internet doctors from third world places like Borneo,
the Philippines and Pakistan.

Witch Dr. Phil Tonga

Mr. Bush said that his goal gutting Medicaid, Medicare and Social
Security programs would provide America's with a sense ownership not
felt since the age indentured servitude, when it really was every man
for himself.

When asked about universal health coverage, Mr. Bush said: "if
anyone is dumb enough to want that, he or she should move to one of
those goddamn communist countries like Canada or Sweden where they
actually care about people.

Because in this country, the GOP is only concerned about pleasing
the richest people and corporations!"