After posting for the first time in ages, I felt awesome. Energised! I went to bed later that night and my mind was whirling with ideas, which was annoying because I was tired but it was still better than having no ideas. Three years ago, when I first started this blog, I struggled so much with what to write about. I would trawl through the Daily Prompt desperate for ideas. I kept a list of links to appealing prompts saved in my phone to bust out when inspiration failed to strike me. And, back then, it failed to strike me often.

It took awhile but one day I noticed I hadn’t used those prompts in ages. In fact, nothing grabbed me when I looked through them. I had heaps of drafts lined up in WordPress and ideas would pop into my head on the bus, in the shower, before I went to sleep (which is where I got the idea for this post along with two others). It’s like your brain builds a natural curiosity about things or starts using writing as a way of thinking complicated (or sometimes very mundane) things through.

Not to say that I think it’s going to be easy from here on out but I definitely want to try and commit myself to writing more frequently. I might be busy but I’m not that busy that I can’t spare 30mins or an hour to do something I love. I can’t work all the time and do not much else. I tried that for six months and it fucking sucks. Take it from me, guys. Make the time, you’re never that fucking busy. You think you are but you’re not. And fuck, maybe you are but still, you can’t spare even 10 – 20 mins to do whatever it is you really enjoy? Go for a walk, watch your favourite program, play with your dog, whatever. You’ve got to have some ‘you’ in all that ‘them’.

So I have two more ideas for posts and we’ll see what else comes to me. There are other things I want to do besides write, like, I don’t know, maybe exercise. That’s fallen by the wayside as well. But let’s just start small. Baby steps. One day at a time. Plus I’m not super keen on getting back to exercise (to be honest, I’m that unfit I’m a bit worried) so we’ll just focus on the writing for now. It’s much less taxing. 😉

I promised myself I would do some writing tonight and it seems I’ve succeeded. I did watch an episode of American Horror Story first but, you know what, that’s ok. I’m here now and that’s what matters. I haven’t posted anything in three months so, for me, the main thing was that I didn’t come home and just get back on the computer and do more work. There have been so many nights where I’ve told myself I’ll write something, anything but then I start with just a little bit of work and next thing I know it’s midnight and… fuck! It’s happened again.

Back in November, I started doing the social media and events for two of Jared’s bars and, at the time, I naively thought I’d be able to do that part time and keep working for my other bosses (albeit reduced hours). Oh boy was I wrong. The social media is fine but the events… They’ve spiralled into so much more than a full time role. This week I’m actually training someone to start helping me because it’s too much for one person. It’s a good problem to have; too many events. And I’m loving it but, god, it’s been a full on six months.

I’ve been working some very long days. For the last I don’t even know how many weeks, there’ve been many nights when I’ll come home and get straight back on the computer to work and won’t get to bed til midnight or 1am. Then I’m back on the computer – back at work – from 9am or 10am. I hate it. Not the job, mind you. Just the workload. The lifestyle. The fact that I literally go from work to bed with no me time aside from maybe watching TV while eating dinner. It sucks but it should get better soon. Even if it doesn’t get better before we go on holiday, it should at least get better when I’m back and the new girl is all trained up and we have our systems in place.

Oh yes. The holiday. The light at the end of the tunnel, our belated honeymoon. Nine weeks of European bliss.

Paris

Barcelona

Rome

Dubrovnik

Sailing the Croatian Islands

Mykonos, Milos and Santorini

Sicily and then a road trip from the Amalfi Coast up to Florence and then back across to Milan.

I cannot fucking wait and thankfully there are only 5.5 weeks until we fly. It can’t come soon enough as far as I’m concerned. It’s starting to get that chill in the air here and little old me will be quite happy to ditch winter in favour of an endless summer. We’ll be back mid-August so we really won’t see too much of winter this year, thank fuck. If we ever become super rich, that will be my request: travel the world so we never see another winter… unless it’s by choice. Fuck. That. Shit. I want to spend my days in as little clothing as legally possible and winter ain’t gonna help me achieve that life goal. No siree, bob.

So yeah, that’s been me for the past six months but I want to do better. Just typing this now makes me realise how much I’ve missed writing. I feel a bit rusty but that’s nothing a bunch of good ol’ practice won’t fix. I just need to make time. Fuck, it’s not like it takes long.

A friend asked me the other day if I was going to get back to my writing once work settled down and, at the time, I thought no. In that moment, I think I just desperately wanted to have just some free time to do absolutely nothing. Maybe to read. Anything. I hadn’t written in so long that it felt like an impossibility. But look at me now! I’m fucking flyin’, Chop! Sorry, that’s Chopper reference. I’m pretty sure it will only make sense to Australians or people that are familiar with Eric Bana’s early work. Watch the movie. You won’t be disappointed.

Anyway, that’s enough from me. I’ve kept my promise to myself and I’m happy with my effort. Now I just need to keep it up. It’s the follow through has always been the tough bit for me.

I’ve been having a somewhat cruise-y time of it of late. I’ve had the public holidays off from any kind of work but have had to do a little bit for Jared on the days when his bars are trading and we need to confirm/take bookings.

During that time, we spent two nights in Merimbula for New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Not very relaxing but lots of fun. We then spent from the 2nd to the 7th up at this amazing house in Whale Beach. That was relaxing with a fair smattering of fun thrown in for good measure. Definitely didn’t want to come home but had a comedy show on the night of the 7th and then a music festival on the Sunday. Both well worth coming back for although I wouldn’t have agreed with that statement while I was lazing by the pool in Whale Beach. Glorious pictures below – first one is of a random beach we found in Merimbula while waiting for our flight and the second is the view from our holiday rental in Palm Beach.

Am on a break from my other bosses until Monday and have only had to do a very little bit of work for them – once a week at most – which has been nice. It’s sooo much easier to keep a handle on things when you only have one boss!

Random Merimbula beach

View from house in Whale Beach

Now that we’re back home and returned from the places we spent our New Year break, it’s time to get my ass in gear and get productive. I’ve felt very productive work-wise. Been getting a lot of stuff planned and organised for the events and social media stuff for Jared’s bars. I’m trying to be proactive and think up ways to improve processes and make things run smoother. I know I’ll have less time next week when I start back for my other bosses so I want to get as much as I can done now, while I still have the time.

I also want to start a new photo board for our kitchen wall. I redid it all last year and it would be nice to make some updates to include the various entries and exits our social life has seen. I had also planned to create some photo books with the pics from our wedding and possibly distribute those to our family and maybe the bridal party (depending on costs). Also, I still need to get cracking on those digital marketing and content creation courses I was going to do instead of my usual studies. They’re definitely not as time consuming as my uni degree but I still want to get started.

Oh yes, and the gym. Back to pilates and training I must go. I’m in the process of getting my wedding dress altered (cut shorter) so I can wear it again and, when I went to try it on today, it was more than just a little bit tight around my Xmas stuffing (i.e. my tummy). Thankfully, it was able to be fully zipped up and clasped but it was touch and go for awhile there. So yeah, exercise and better eating is something that’s going to have to happen soon. Why oh why did I find that packet of Tim Tams in the cupboard? That was a very unfortunate event.

So while I do have a decent sized to do list, I’m also not putting any pressure of myself to make any radical changes. 2016 me is still totally acceptable to me although of course there is always room for improvement. 2017 me is ready to go – although I do need to have a quiet word to her about moderation when it comes to eating any sweets she finds in the house. That bitch has no chill.

So, this is my sixth week working from home and, to be honest, I don’t feel like I’m anymore on top of it than I was when I last posted nearly four weeks ago (wow, that’s a pretty shit effort. I apologise). Between the new role with Jared’s bars (event and social media management) and my existing job (albeit with reduced hours) AND my uni work, I feel pretty frantic the majority of the time. I also end up going into the city most days either to take photos for social media or for meetings and site visits so the whole work from home thing isn’t a 100% reality (although I do most of my work from there and I don’t really mind the occasional break and chance to socialise).

That being said, hospitality in December is always hectic with xmas parties and bookings and so forth so I would expect that to be taking up a lot of my time but who knows how much it will drop off after that? I have time off from my other two jobs between 15 Dec and 16 Jan so that will be nice but I have some serious doubts about how sustainable this all is. Granted, I’m usually quite stressed the first two – three weeks of uni so this could be totally normal but part of me is also more than a bit over it.

I’m doing the social media stuff I wanted to be doing. Wasn’t that the goal? I suppose getting a degree was also the goal but I’m so. damn. tired. Maybe I just pause and do a social media/digital marketing course? Or am I just making excuses because I’ve hit a rough patch and there’s too much change in my life and I just want to take a step back and not feel so stressed all the time? I had a look online and my census date (the date after which I get penalised if I pull out of my units) is Monday so I have until then to decide. Of course, I can withdraw after that but it will show on my transcript, which is not ideal.

I really don’t want to quit yet another thing I said I would finish but part of me no longer sees the relevance. I just want to be a normal adult again! I keep getting little tastes of freedom here and there but then it’s so hard to go back and, every time someone asks me what I want to do with my degree, it just reinforces how little I’ve actually thought about what I want to do with this damn thing. *sigh*

I’m liking the variety of what I’ve currently got going on, even if it is a bit of a strain switching between the various roles. The events stuff lets me be organised and have some customer contact while the social media stuff allows me to be creative – writing little snippets of text and taking pictures, which is something I’m definitely improving at with practice. My other roles with my existing bosses is more of the organisation style stuff, which is ok and boosts my hours and brings in more money, which is never a bad thing.

I’ll ponder things this week. I already looked at some social media courses just to see what’s out there plus I have access to this online platform that has a few good social media tutorials so I might have a play around in there and see if anything grabs me.

Today, we were at the beach (last-day-of-holidays beach day for the win!) and ran into a friend we hadn’t seen for a while. Work chit chat was thrown around as part of the usual small talk. Jared spoke about the exciting stuff going on with his bar/s and our friend told us about how well her business is going. She’s started a business doing something she’s very passionate about and you can tell.

As they spoke, I got the usual tight feeling that I get in my stomach when the conversation turns to work. I stayed quiet. A small knot grew in my stomach while I hoped she wouldn’t ask me about my work. Thankfully, she didn’t. Jared can talk for ages about how awesome his bar is going and all the exciting things coming up for him. In no way do I resent his success. He’s worked hard to get to where he is and I admire his drive and the fact he knows exactly what he wants to do and is actually doing it. I feel very excited about where he’s going and the fact I get to come along for the ride and reap all the benefits. There’s nothing I would change about this situation at all.

The thing that makes me want to disappear is how little there is to talk about when it comes to my own work accomplishments. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job (sadly, I’m actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow) but it’s not the most exciting thing to talk about. Most people aren’t interested in hearing about spreadsheets, invoicing and calendar management – e.g. the life of a PA/Office Manager. And it certainly sounds even more dull after talk of bars and cocktails and lush interior fitouts. Still, I have great bosses and awesome work life balance yet sometimes being around all these people with big plans and their own businesses makes me feel so unambitious.

Sure, I’ll be studying again in March and doing a degree means I have some ambition, right? But I’m not even sure I know what I want to do with it, if anything. I don’t really have the desire to be the next Sheryl Sandberg (although I love her). Maybe one day I’d like to work for myself doing freelance copywriting or social media/digital marketing or something but that’s purely so I could set my own hours and work from home like the hermit I always wanted to be. Waking up late, staying in my peejays all day, not having to leave the house unless I want to… ahhhh, that would be the life.

But anyway, as I was saying, despite being very happy, it’s so easy to compare yourself to others and think something’s wrong with you for not wanting more. Not everyone’s built to be a Chief (or has the desire to be one), there have to be some Indians. After working jobs that made me miserable, my ambition is to do something that I enjoy, that I’m good at and that makes me feel productive. I don’t want a big empire or to be famous, I just want to be able to do what makes me happy. I want to have time to write and to see my friends and family and enough money to be social and take holidays and all the stuff that makes life great.

Sadly, despite my hippy-dippy philosophy, I’m also a somewhat competitive person. I compare myself to others and am often hard on myself when I feel I’m coming up short. I do want to be successful. I just think my idea of success is a bit different from others. It revolves more around my lifestyle and how work facilitates that. I don’t need to be the boss. I just need to know I’m needed and useful and to never, ever be bored. And that’s enough for me.