What have I gotten myself into?

Tag Archives: Africa

I’m skipping over the #2 reason I’m single for now. We just met and I think it’s awkward when virtual strangers spill their guts to each other. We will get there, I’m sure, but for now let’s leave that discussion between me and my therapist. (I’m 31, single, with insurance; of course I go to therapy!)

I am single because I am afraid I might miss out on life. I spend a lot of time day dreaming about my life. What if I win the lotto tomorrow, what do I really want to do? 9/10 times the answer is taking a town car to the airport, because a limo is tacky and the train smells, and hop on the first plane going anywhere. Okay not anywhere, maybe anywhere with a Four Seasons.

Awesome plan, right? Maybe walk the Camino de Santiago de Compostela, or meet a hot single Greek shipping magnet while sunning myself on the Almalfi coast. If I am in a relationship I can’t do this. If I am in a relationship I have to bring him along, consider his choices for the destination, or at the very least tell the nice Greek man, “No thank you, I will not go skinny dipping in the Mediterranean with you then run off to Nice to get married and divorced this weekend.”

Awful, right?

I know a relationship will not doom me to a life in the suburbs with 2.5 kids and a Subaru. The challenge is I am 31 and if I want those 2.5 kids, I need to get a move on, I also need to reconcile that a relationship and children do not mean I won’t get to go to Cape Town someday.

Any warm blooded, non-coupled American female of a certain age (like over 13) has asked herself this question.

Am I too fat? Is my hair too blonde? Am I too beautiful? Are my boobs too big? You get the picture. Her great girlfriends will always answer the way they are taught as children, “No! Of course not!”

Reality is, they are lying and you, Miss WhyAmISingle, are correct.

Whoa!
Whoa!

Please don’t click on Facebook just yet. Let me explain. You are correct in the assumption you are single because you need to come to terms with your insecurities. There are things about yourself that you need to change before you are ready to be in a relationship and yes, your hair might be too blonde.

Getting back to the real purpose we are here, me, let’s discuss why I am single. To keep things simple I have narrowed it down to three main reasons I am perpetually single:

1. I have gained some weight, okay, a good amount of weight, over the past ten years and I just can’t get comfortable. Can I still shop at normal stores and participate in physical activity? Yes, but for me and my comfort level, I’m too big.

2. I am scared of being hurt/ needing someone. Twice I have made epic life decisions based on relationships I was in and twice I was left alone and devastated.

3. I am afraid of happy ever after. I am afraid I’m going to meet Prince Charming, get married, have four kids and never climb Mt Kilimanjaro.

So in the next 107 days, I plan on addressing these issues head on, but first I’m going to have some cheese. But after that, I’m on this. I will be sharing my experiences and in theory, my self-discovery/improvement plan will net someone who wants to buy me a Christmas Present.