“Exes & Ohs” Recaps: Episode 1.3 “Cutthroat”

Let the games begin — It’s a big night for you gay bowling fans out there. The girls have made it to the LGBT League Tourney Semi-Finals. Jen and Sam, both in their “Beever Girl” bowling team shirts (where can I get one of those?), are at the snack bar ordering a round of beers. A woman with the words “Diesel Femmes” across the back of her shirt brushes past them. I know a softball team called Last Licks. Gay sports leagues and their team names. Fun!

And by the way, who doesn’t love bowling? It’s raucous, competitive, and beer is never more than 40 feet away. What more could you want? Yeah, you have to put your fingers in holes that dozens of other people have already had their fingers in, but you can’t say that’s unprecedented.

At the snack bar, Jen gives Sam an update on her sex documentary: The latest research shows that escorts are a blasé bunch who don’t mind all the anonymous and lucrative sex they’re having. Someone alert the media.

While she listens to Jen, Sam’s wolfish gaze is focused on a cute girl in a white V-neck T-shirt and tight jeans running the pool table at the other end of the room. Hmm? What were you saying?

As a lesbian, Jen’s fascinated that such attitudes exist. What about emotional attachments? How do they “protect” themselves? We are talking about escorts, right? I’m pretty sure the risk of falling for a shoe distributor from Akron in town for a convention after one night at the Ramada Inn is low. Little or no protection is needed. Sam guesses Jen’s questions are not just academic.

Sam: You want to be like them.Jen: [incredulously] Like the escorts?Sam: And the strippers, and all of the women who aren’t afraid of sex as just sex.Jen: That is so not true.Sam: Your heart breaks every time you have a cup of coffee with someone and it doesn’t work out.

Jen defends herself and states she’s tougher than Sam thinks. And furthermore, Sam isn’t the playa she likes to think she is. Sam sees dating as a competitive sport, and Jen just isn’t ready for the big leagues.

The dating league has nifty team names, too: The Silencers are those women who never let you get a word in edgewise over dinner; the Lounge Lizards are the team who live at the bar and have dated or hit on every woman who ever walked in the door; and then there’s team Pants on Fire. You know who those liars are.

Sam calls out: “Careful, it’s a jungle out there. Go get ’em, Jen.” This just in: Jen grew a set.

As she gets closer to the pool tables, Jen starts hearing jungle and monkey sounds in her head. She freezes in her tracks and quickly retreats back to Sam. No hot monkey love for Jen tonight?

Actually, Jen’s gone back for a shot or two of liquid courage. She’s ready now. The other predators of the jungle — Sam and a group of grrl tigers leaning against the wall — take note. Sheena is in town.

Finally, a legit reason for matching shirts — Beever Girls Kris and Chris sit eyeing the Diesel Femmes as they unpack their bowling balls. Some of their opponents are more diesel than femme, but Chris isn’t intimidated. She growls at them; she’s feeling the eye of the tiger tonight. She went the distance, now she’s back on her feet, just a Beever and her will to survive. Uh huh.