Actress, Comedian, and Coach

The things to remember when breaking the news

Sometimes, despite all your efforts and honest attempts to restore things to the way they were, there comes a time when you decide to break things off. Unfortunately, the hardest part is yet to come: telling the kids. This is probably the hardest conversation you will ever have to do, and it will be something your kids will always remember. So it is important to do it right. Here are some things to remember.

Your children need to know that despite your separation they can still count on you to operate as a team to guide them and take care of them. Which is why it is important for you to maintain a unified front, presenting the divorce together and incorporating the word “we” as much as possible.

Plan what you are going to say beforehand and be prepared for questions as well as hard feelings. Explain to your kids that despite your best efforts you were unable to resolve your problems, but that you still love them, you are still their parents, and you will always be a family.

Keep your emotions as neutral as possible, you should be comforting your child and not the other way around. Remember that you are their parents and that they are counting on you for emotional guidance. It would be too much to expect of them to be strong for you.

Never blame your partner for the breakup and avoid fighting in front of the children. Try to keep things simple (especially with younger children) and don’t go too much into the details of the divorce process or the reasons leading up to it.

The best thing you can do for your kids is to keep your harsh feelings to yourself. Make it as clean and quick as possible, and let the healing process of all those involved begin.

If you are a parent to a teenager, you have not only heard the story — you experienced it first hand. It seems that overnight your child stopped looking at you, avoids your hugs, only talks in short sentences, and often does it while walking out the door. Despite the sense of distance they convey, you are the most important figure in your teen’s life. Keep that in mind when you feel your final energy drops are about to drain. As a parent, you are willing to dedicate a lot of emotional resources to communicate with your family, even if they are teenagers. Here is how to do that in three steps.

Step 1

Listen before you talk. This is the most important step not only to start with, but to keep up throughout the conversation with your teen. You may want to take the conversation in a certain direction, but if you press them too hard they will shut down and you will accomplish nothing. Teenagers take time to formulate a thought or opinion, not to mention an entire character, and sometimes they just need to say something out loud to hear what it sounds like. Allow them to do that by being understanding as opposed to judgmental.

Step 2

Find out what they like to do and do it together. Do they like to go to the movies? Go with them. Watch football? Watch it with them. Show an honest interest in their likes and dislikes. A joint activity can often be much more bonding than a conversation. But be careful of the pitfalls, and don’t try to be a part of every aspect of their life. In other words, allow for personal space.

Step 3

Never betray their trust. You may not realize it, but teenagers watch their parent’s every move. They pretend not to listen, but they hear every word you say and compare it to the things you do. Their respect is not blind to your actions, so make sure you practice what you preach and be willing to admit when you are wrong.

All relationships come to a point where routine life seems mundane and you start to wonder: where did all the romance go? This is a natural step for every couple that moves beyond the in-love phase into a deep, strong, adult relationship. But how to get from here to there is a little trickier. Unlike what many people think, it doesn’t take much effort to keep a marriage alive. In fact, there are some very simple things you can incorporate into your everyday routine.

For example, when you go to bed every night, instead of reading until you fall asleep try pulling the covers over your heads and whisper to each other. It is amazing how intimate and bonding a whispered conversation can get. Another thing you can easily accomplish in everyday life is to have joint dinners. Eating together is a great opportunity to catch up on each other’s day and thoughts. Save time every night to do this without turning to your phones or TV on.

So far we’ve talked about what you should do, but there are also things you should never do. Many unhappy couples say that somewhere along the way they lost touch and could not connect to each other anymore. They do not realize that the falling out of touch does not happen overnight. It starts with not sharing, not talking about how you feel. Next, you confide in someone else, which denies your true partner the role of your emotional support. You might also be dedicating more time to your friends, or prioritizing the kids, or even looking at the phone more often than you look each other in the eye. These are all things that naturally drive you away from each other. Be aware of them and make your choices wisely, on a daily basis.

A relationship is a wonderful thing if nurtured properly. Avoid the things that betray your partner’s trust and adopt the everyday habits that deepen your intimacy.

If you are a parent to a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) this is probably not the first time you’ve considered an alternative therapy method. The most common treatment offered to ADHD children today is medication, which often only replaces one problem with another. Instead of running wildly around with their friends your kid is now lying on the sofa, not wanting to do anything. Instead of not being able to concentrate they now have no appetite.

If you experienced any of this you are probably thinking “there must be a better way!” Well, there is: neurofeedback therapy. This therapy is based on electroencephalography (EEG), which measures brain waves to allow for self-regulation of brain activity.

Here are 5 reasons why you should switch to neurofeedback therapy:

1) Research has shown that immediately following neurofeedback sessions there is a significant improvement in a child’s inattentive and hyperactive behavior
2) Neurofeedback contributes to academic improvements because it helps the child develop learning strategies that are particularly adapted to their way of thinking
3) The improvements following one neurofeedback therapy session are greater, faster, and last longer than any other treatment method including medication
4) During the therapy the child receives the unlimited attention of the therapist and gets rewarded for their hard work through constructive feedback (many ADHD kids do not get to experience positive feedback from their teachers)
5) The neurofeedback therapy is based on the child’s own involvement and independent participation. Instead of sedating your kid with drugs, neurofeedback helps them gain the confidence to actively fight their disorder

The best thing about this kind of therapy is that it is completely natural, it gives the child a sense of independence, and it works better than any other treatment available.

When you first started your relationship it was a great source of power for both of you. Your energy spheres were shared and therefore bigger and stronger than ever. But the years have progressed and with them came the kids, the pushy boss, the mortgage, and between all these you have lost the passion you once had.

So what happened?

You have let your world get smaller and more private to the point that it is unreachable to your partner, and even to you. Since you no longer share your energy fields with each other you both feel weak and vulnerable. By not sharing your world with them you have done the one thing you vowed never to do – you abandoned your life partner.

Can I fix this?

Yes, you can. But it will take both physical and emotional dedication.

What does your body tell you?

Our bodies are the doors to our minds. Through pain your body is trying to communicate some emotional problem. There are many warning signs that you should pay attention to, such as feeling tired all the time, loss of appetite, headaches and back pains. Work on feeling healthy and comfortable with your body to help ease any emotional burden.

Work on reconnecting yourself with your relationship

First, you need to love. Show him you love him by greeting him warmly when he comes home. Call her in the middle of the day just to tell her you love her. Remember life is made out of many moments, make them count.

Next you need to change. Take a day off and do something just the two of you. Get a babysitter and turn your cellphones off. You will be surprised how much you still have to learn about each other.

Finally, trust each other. You started your relationship by promising to love each other unconditionally. Trust your partner, and yourself, to keep that promise.