Michael: Hey, I’m in town. Just came back from Penang. Chill out tonight? Al Fresco. 8.30pm.

Me: Sure man, it’s been like what? 4 months? See you tonight.

8.30pm -1.30am

*chilling out session in progress with Michael and friends*

Me: Eh, let’s go to Cheerie Berries. Go ogle some chicks. We’ve been sitting here for 3 hours, I’m having butt cramps. Hanging out with all these ‘batangs’ any longer is hazardous to my health. *grinning*

Michael: HAHA! No dude, I’m feeling a bit drowsy and sleepy now. Think I should go back and have a good sleep. You go on.

Me: Arrrghhhh! Fine then. I’ll be a lone ranger tonight. You guys can go home and make love with your pillows.

1am -2.30am

So I went to Cheerie Berries alone. Not something that I would do, normally. I ordered a drink, sat at the bar, facing the stage where the Filipino band was playing, listening to the music. There was quite a crowd, but I didn’t see any familiar faces so I stayed put at my place.

Then, suddenly a girl came and sat next to me. Her back was facing me, so I couldn’t see her face. She was leaning a bit too close to me, but I thought well it’s a crowded place and being in a bar it’s more than an appropriate thing to do. *chuckles*

Anyway, I felt something was not right with the whole thing. This girl leaned closer to me now, she’s basically using my body as support and there were some ‘accidental’ touches as I lifted up my drink, she moved her hands and shaked her body to the music. It was like an invitation, a cue from the girl for me to take things further, maybe grab and hug her, judging from her body language and all the ‘accidental’ brushes.

By this time, she was sitting facing to the stage and I could see her side profile. I looked at the face and instantly my radar went *beep beep beep* alerting me “This is not your cup of tea! Abort! Abort!”. So I played dumb and continued my drinking, ignoring her ‘advances’.

A group of male Caucasians was dancing nearby. From their accents, I assumed they are the Queen’s subjects. The girl sat there for like 10 mins and probably was getting bored with the inaction on my part. She stood up and joined the Caucasians for dancing and started to do some ‘sophisticated dance moves in front one of the guy.

The guy must be thinking she’s some sort of hot stuff so he grabbed her waist and they started to shake their bodies together. Things were obviously heating up for the ‘lucky’ couple because in a flash, they locked their lips and started kissing passionately ! And the rest of the guys watching nearby were cheering and whistling, prompting more intense actions from the couple. Friends of that guy were making funny face expressions like “Is this for real??” “WTF” among them.

Then a friend of that lucky guy asked me, “Dude, is that a bloke or a girl?” in his thick Brits accent. I replied him, “Er, I’m not really sure but I think your friend is kissing a bloke!”. *evil grins* He bursted out laughing and said, “Yeah, I thought the same!!” *knocking beer bottles*

Another friend of that lucky guy took out his camera and started snapping some photos and showed them to us. There were photos of the couple kissing passionately and we were particularly ‘thrilled’ by one photo showing a close up shot of the ‘girl’ face making some sort of ‘wild’ expression.

And holy crap, she is indeed a HE! A ‘HE’ with a layer of thin moustache-manly-hair above the lips! The facial features are clearly those of a man. I was pretty sure she’s a man and not a girl with manly face. The guy was still dancing and kissing his ‘lovely’ lady and the rest of us cheered them on, making thumbs up sign while laughing crazily among ourselves.

When the ‘burning hot action’ was over, the guy joined us and his friend told him of what happened. He was like “Ugh?? Really?” and he started making that “wiping mouth” gestures. After he saw that ‘manly’ photo of his date, he flashed a sheepish smile and laughed nervously. He then came to me and said, “Thank mate for the chance. It felt like kissing a man just now and there I was thinking – This is weird! – Not that I kissed a man before but it just felt not right when I kissed her.”

HAHAHAHA!

Lesson: If you are not sure, better don’t do it. 😛

Some tips from experts, gathered from the comments, after I shared this story on my Facebook.

1. Check out the physique of the body lah. If it’s super lean with minimal fat around hips, arms, and very toned limbs, most likely it’s a ‘he’.

2. Next time pretend to point at something on the ceiling and get her to look up. Then see if you spot that Adam’s apple.

3. Ask her to strip. (not sure how this is to be done in public, lol!)

Had dinner with Dr .Cruz and GF, brought Alyz along, we talked for some 5 hours starting 4 pm tea and it spilled over into dinner, Cruz lamented that there is nothing to debate as we agreed on too many things….lol

On above topic, some 10 years ago, something similar happened, when a colleague of mine was trying to hit on a “Ah Gua”, I tried to tell him but the fler insisted” no lah , dis one definitely girl”.Smirked at me and left with “her”. I got a call about 3 am from de fler, he was at some dingy hotel and just made the “discovery” as he could not go home at that hour and disturb his family, he wanted to cresh at my place, I spent another one hour or so listening to his ” but she looked so feminine” grumblings.

@NoktahHitam, I don’t think the guy was drunk. In my case, it was the lighting and of course the ‘actions’. Too easy, something must be not right. HAHAHAHA! I’m no Brad Pitt, no girl will throw herself at me..

The following is a haiku which describes a sight I actually experienced during the invasion of Iraq. Another poem I wrote describes the incident in greater detail, and was published in a recent issue, the spring summer issue of Blue Collar Review.

Goodness! (that is the only word formed in my head when I read this post and after that I guffawed out loud like a lumberjack)

Years ago, when I was young and daring, I called out one “chick with dick”, a “fag” rite at his face. It was a dare by some lunatic friends who had too much to drink.

Almost got bash by chickdick heh’ but the fag was too drunk that when he wanted to chase me, he tripped on his high heels and splattered his face on the corridor (this was when Al Fresco was just a new building and CB was newly opened. Yes, THAT long ago)

I remembered he cried out a threat that if he see me again, he’s going to kill me. Being an asshole I goated him further by saying, “How you gonna do that, fag? You can’t even walk without tripping on your two left feet” and ran so fast as if my ass was on fire.

Now that I think about it, I wonder where were those bozos who dared me that time?

@BaLQiZ, nyahahahahahahaha! You did that???!! ROTFLMAO! My friends told me, there was a time CB used to the favourite haunt for the Third Kind and many club goers were put off by them. I have no idea THAT long is how long but I know Al Fresco wasn’t there when I left Miri in 1999.

The bozos probably retired (for what ever reason) since you said it was that LONG ago.
So if you see him again, would you run again? HAHA! Don’t think he can recognise your new look now.

na’ah I doubt that fag would recognize me anymore. I had different style back then. what’s with my super baggy jeans and tight shirts… pergh… mcm pengkid. Yuk. well, those were the good old days hehehehe