Aaargh. The longest coherent thing I've ever written (and not put aside half done to collect virtual dust on my hard drive) is about 23.000 words. Now I have to write at least 60.000. I admit it's daunting.On to do more research. I have some awesome articles to read. (And I will never be able to wrap my mind around quantum physics and the likes.)

I have about 8.500 words. Mind you, that's just notes and ramblings and typed-out quotes so far. But it's a start.Bummer that I have to put it aside now and prepare a totally different talk. Multitasking sucks. I wish I had enough time and peace of mind to concentrate on one thing for a couple of weeks at least before having to start another.

I don't write for fun, but I really feel like I have something I need to say although I have no clue what it is. And I'm such a freak I fear sitting down to write would just produce gibberish that makes me feel stupid and further impede my saying whatever it is I'm not even attempting to say right now. Is this where stories come from? (that nagging feeling to WRITE)

As for you guys, I just assume that anything written by PPK peeps will be profound. Or at least funny.

I don't write for fun, but I really feel like I have something I need to say although I have no clue what it is. And I'm such a freak I fear sitting down to write would just produce gibberish that makes me feel stupid and further impede my saying whatever it is I'm not even attempting to say right now. Is this where stories come from? (that nagging feeling to WRITE)

As for you guys, I just assume that anything written by PPK peeps will be profound. Or at least funny.

I don't think your fear of not measuring up to your expectations or your potential (or whatever) makes you a freak. I think it makes you a human being. Which might be freakish, but you've got an awful lot of company.

What is it you'd be writing if only you got the right kick in the pants?

Taking my Masters thesis novel from crappy to send-out worthy. Kick me! I know I can do it, but every time I sit down to it I just feel like the most despairing writer in the world. I need to stop with the drama and just get this shiitake done.

So I need to:Do a fifth(!)rewrite on a comic book script I started about a year and a half ago. Then let folks read it again.Turn bunches of notes I took while working a terrible canvassing job into a story - maybe a zine? I just don't know yet.Finish writing two short scifi/horror stories I've started, kicked around a little.Do interviews for a collaborative collaborative (thank god someone else will be writing)Do some pitches for stuff that will make me money so I'm not broke when my job ends next month.

I feel like ready to about ready to get to work. Yesterday I cut my hair (common stalling tactic) and there's not much left. I also made bread. The house is clean. Time to make coffee and get to work.

What is it you'd be writing if only you got the right kick in the pants?

Taking my Masters thesis novel from crappy to send-out worthy. Kick me! I know I can do it, but every time I sit down to it I just feel like the most despairing writer in the world. I need to stop with the drama and just get this shiitake done.

You know, due to the kicking in this thread, I'm booking off a week at the beginning of November to finish the goddamn thing.

Do it! Also, November is NaNoWriMo. Everyone will be writing something (and think that it's actually rubbish, but what the heck).Besides, getting feedback from other people may change your opininon as well. I've written some really silly things, and then it turned out that others really liked them.

I still have this ridiculous fear of writing and writing and then realizing that what I wrote doesn't work, and then having to delete and start over. I think that's ridiculous not because it's unlikely, but why am I afraid of it? Because I will have "wasted" all that time? As opposed to doing what with it now?

Footie, I deal with it all the time. I spent all my time today (a couple of hours already) writing a scene/part of story that's shaping up to be a disaster and I'm not sure I'll even use the idea at all but maybe tomorrow, I can turn it around. It's not a waste of time though, even if I can't. At least I tried it and found out it was a disaster! It's the old "I didn't fail, I came up with another way of doing things wrong." I'm just playing with my characters, if nothing else. Getting to know them, putting them in situations. When the good ideas come for them, I'll (hopefully!) be ready and have them fleshed out enough to know what to do. Also, today's work is not ALL disaster. It's the end, mostly, that's frustrating me. There are some fun bits that even if they don't get used here, they can be salvaged for something else. It's never a waste of time! Even if not one sentence of today's scrum survives!

For me, the most frightening thing when I contemplate writing a novel is not that I'll fail, but it's the amount of work involved in writing one. Because BY GOD, when I've invested that much time, effort and work, the story WILL SUCCEED. It will succeed if it kills me. And I will work and work and rework the story until goddamnit it, it works and I know that about myself and it's scary!