November 30, 2011

This is a 4:39 a.m. message that came to me in the middle of the night. I had to roll over and immediately write it down so I wouldn't miss my blessing....

I happened upon a quote that says, "Disappointments are just God's way of saying: I've got something better. Be patient, live life, have faith." However, sometimes even with that Intel, you still go back down roads that you have no business walking on by yourself at night. You are liable to get into trouble. It's like this...if you are slapped on the right cheek repeatedly and leave because you know you deserve better, why would you then go back to that person and turn the other cheek for them to slap even harder?? Especially when you can still feel the sting from that "last slap." (Wow that's deep!!)

That would be dumb. Just stupid. Then I told myself (because yes I do talk to myself, but I'm good until I start answering myself lol)...I said P look at it like this: If you had a horse that you bet on that you liked. Sometimes there was a payoff here and there. Nothing major, but you made enough to eat good for a day or two. Then one day the head trainer told you that the horse you were betting on was a loser and would never again bring you any luck. Never. Its not like he's been dependable in the past. It's just been disappointment after disappointment.

Would you then withdraw all your money from the bank and bet on this horse? Hell no!!! There is no way that I can receive what's ahead of me if I keep looking backwards. I rather put my money on a winner! Right now that sure bet is ME. First time a message came to me "for me." I receive it completely.

And the moral of this story is when God tells you that this person or thing that has disappointed you is not for you, LET IT GO AND MOVE ON. Period. No matter what happens. No matter how good it looks; it's a dead horse. Let it die. Move on and have faith. Free your hands up to receive something amazing. God has NEVER failed me and if I'm going to put all my hopes on the table, I'll bet on HIM every, single time.

Wow. Just woke up and read that like I didn't even write it. What a blessing indeed!!

November 29, 2011

I couldn't wait for this episode to see the aftermath of the fight between Kimbella and Chrissy. I use the term fight loosely considering Kimbella was sucker punched and then stomped while she was on the ground while she was naked. LOL! She clearly didn't come for a fight; a dress with no undergarments??? Chrissy said that when Kimbella kicked her with her shoes on, she took that really personally. I think I would take it personally if you socked me in my face with all your weight behind it without me knowing it was even coming, OOMPA LOOMPA!!! Just silly and sad that grown women would engage in such foolishness. After all, Kimbella was just "endorsing Emily's decision to move on." HAHA! Gotta love it.

I will say that we as women need to learn to established names for ourselves other than mother of and wife of...Each episode Kimbella has be referred to as Juelz's girl or the mother of Juelz's child. (SN: When someone brings up a woman named Brea, someone asks, "Who is Brea?" and Yandy responds, "Juelz's 1st baby mama"). I mean really, what else are you known for? Time for you to take ownership over your life and do something with yourself other than lay on your back. She is already seen as a groupie for being with Fab. She apologizes to Emily, but her only excuse for it all is that she was single. Huh? Single means whoring around? I must be doing everything wrong then...

I think Kimbella is a beautiful Black woman and I want her to begin to love herself as much as she ACTS like she does. Sometimes we pretend to be confident, but our lack of love for ourselves still shines through. She's a mother now and from this point forward, I don't care whose woman she is, she is no longer single...she's a mother and that title alone should make her think about how her actions affect her and her child. Grow up Kimbella!

Now I do appreciate Kimbella apologizing to Emily, but why are you asking about what happened in their "relationship?" Let it go Emily! Dating or f---ing? Does it matter? You were pregnant and he was with another woman. Nuff said! Regardless of whether or not Kimbella knew about Emily does not change the fact that Fab was seeing other women while Emily was carrying his child. He's a man-whore and he has no respect for women. No longer will I see his videos or listen to his music and not, in the back of my mind, think LOSER!! Emily keeps saying that she is moving on...stop talking about it and be about it. I'm not convinced. Let's see how the rest of the season plays out. I'm still rooting for her though.

It doesn't help that Emily's getting advice from someone who is in denial that her relationship is a disaster, Chrissy. When she's talking to Jimmy about the fight, he's on his phone and not even paying attention. She seriously needs to leave this jerk alone. When Em and Chrissy talk at dinner about the fight, Em tells Chrissy that when Kimbella told her about her and Fab she didn't know what to say. Chrissy tells her that she "didn't have to tell her its cool cuz its not." Sad. here this woman wanted to move on and let it go and you took it upon yourself to fight a battle that was already won. Then she goes on to tell Em, "Nothing wrong with loving someone but you gotta love you first. If its for you he'll care for you, but if not then its not?" Really Chrissy listen to your own advice and leave Jim alone! I think she's really good about looking at everyone else's life and knowing right from wrong, but her heart is blinding her to the fact that Jimmy is not good for her. Probably and great guy, but they want different things out of life and she is wasting time hoping that he will one day change. Sigh...

Chrissy keeps saying she's misunderstood and people keep thinking she's a bully, but how can we think otherwise. The way she disrespectfully talks to Yandy, who is Jimmy's manager, is disgusting. Yandy stands her ground at all times. She's not afraid of Chrissy and I love that about her. She's about her biz. A check is important and like she said if it was all there was she wouldn't be with Jimmy. I guarantee he ain't bringing in the doe. Chrissy, you need to get a life and some respect and a CHECK for yourself! What is Chrissy's profession in life: Pitbull. SMH!

The award for "Hustler of the Year" goes to Somaya. Glad she fired Tattoo. Granted he did get her recognized, but her fire for her grind will never go out. She is determined to make a name for herself. I mean she's "Somaya Resse!!!" LOL! I swear I will never forget that name and she won't let me because she says it about 20 times each episode. I give it to her though, she's a rockstar. Performing with her pants unzipped was funny...I applaud her for pressing on. Too funny!!

November 28, 2011

It's been so busy and noisy this year that this quiet I have right now is sooooo LOUD!!! I'm sitting here reading and just realized my phone hasn't made one sound this evening. I know that this is what I've been praying for, but now that it's here I don't know what to do with it. So much has been eliminated from my life over the past few months. Some people and things I willingly said goodbye to. Others were taken away from me and some decided to walk away for no reason as all. I'm not sure yet if all this "loss" will change me for the better, but I do know that it will change me for my good. That I know for certain.

For now, I just need to get used to the quiet. Just sounds so weird. My life has been a heavy metal song for so long, that the soft, classical music hurts my ears. Crazy I know....learning to enjoy it while it lasts.

Wow it will be December in a couple days....Wow...Okay back to my quiet reading LOL!

November 23, 2011

I give thanks for all the blessings in my life ever day, but today is the day that I take time to reflect on the year, the good, the bad and the UGLY, and take account of everything that I am thankful for.

1. I woke up today in good health and spirits.
2. I've been blessed with another year with my Bianka who was able to attend my sister's wedding. Great memories!
3. Work was hectic, but I completed every project successfully. So proud of me!
4. I finally said goodbye to some broken friendships and relationships that I've been carrying around for too long. Lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. It was hard to do, but I am better for it.
5. I took more time for me this year. Started my weekly mani and pedis, wore makeup, dressed up more...took more time to pamper the most important person in my life.
6. Went on a few dates and was more open and available. Nothing developed with anyone. Even got my feelings hurt by someone I really liked, but it hasn't stopped me from believing in the magic of love. One day a very special man will come into my life and sweep me off my feet like Cinderella.
7. I got to see my favorite cousin in the whole world, Alvin, and finally meet his son, Aaron. I will so cherish the little time that we got to spend this year and hope to see them again real soon.
8. I cried. Not my usual I gotta be strong and hold it in cry, but I boo-hooed this year....a lot!!! It felt good. It was freeing. I cry all the time now LOL! No more holding back my true emotions. If I'm mad, I'm mad. If I'm sad, I'm sad. So much easier to reveal my feelings and deal with what's going on at that moment than to suppress it and allow the pain to fester into a sore.
9. My sister and brother in love got married. Such a beautiful day!
10. I didn't complete everything on my bucket list for the year, but I did half...better than nothing ;o)
11. I found my sexxy. Nuff said!
12. My DVR!! What would I do without Herman? He's my best buddy.
13. I said NO and it felt good. I realized that I can't do everything and stood up for myself.

Well the year isn't over and I'm sure that I will be adding more to this list before December 31. Having such a quiet and enjoyable day with Maxwell. I would have put him on the list, but my gratitude for him goes without saying ;o)

Season 2 of "Love and Hip Hop" is underway and I must say these women live to entertain me. I'm not big on reality TV, but this show keeps my attention fo sho! After the first episode, I decided that I would provide my own recap of each episode.

Episode 1: "Still Look Pretty"

Way too much happened on the season opener, so I'm just gonna break down what I thought of everyone involved...

Mama Jones: She is a hot mess! Yes, she is funny, but it's also sad at the same time. I know she doesn't like Chrissy, but why be so disrespectful? Chrissy was mad wrong for calling her what she did, but she's a grown woman and needs to act like one. Why does she shop in the junior section of Macys???? Please mama mama please. That video was halarious!

Jimmy: He needs to put his mother in her place. I know he loves her, but I think he allows her to be who she is. He can put an end to it, but secretly....I think he likes the drama between them. Let me tell you this....if he was going to spend the rest of his life with Chrissy, he would make damn sure that his mother and her get along. I'm just sayin...Lose your ring and we are going to buy a new one??? Are you serious? And he didn't even look mad. And we can't get a ring for me?? Not even wanting to look at the ring for me??? How are we engaged?? Chrissy should have picked up her dignity and respect for herself, bought those earrings FOR HERSELF and walked out that store. Jimmy is a fool and he is NOT marrying her. It's time to let that ish go!

Chrissy: Now looka here...you can't tell any woman about herself until you clean up your own trashy backyard. She is insecure for sure. She did Kimbella the same way she did Somaya when she saw her. Just kept raggin on her clothes and how she looked. Who are you to judge you big oompa loompa? And you are happy that Emily is leaving Fab and doing her own thang...honey your man "lost" his engagement ring. Get a life! She is a disgrace to women everywhere. I am happy she does not have a child to witness this.

Kimbella: I don't know what went down with Dipset and really don't care lol. She needed to humble herself and come into that situation with no agenda or bias. It didn't help that Chrissy clearly was not receptive. I can understand how Kimbella could be defensive with the tension in the room and feel ganged up on. Still hold your head up and don't give them anything to use against you. She did a good job with the first encounter...now I do not think she should have even gone to the thing at Emily's. Not even sure what that gathering was. LOL! Don't think it was the right place for her or the manager chick (where she came from idk lol). Anyway, the way she said it was okay, but she could have told her to the side later on another day. Emily handled it very well, but OOMPA LOOMPA wanted to make it bigger than it needed to be. Why are you so mad at her? But not mad at you man for "losing" his engagement ring?? I'm just saying. She's a bully and the way she went at her...Kimbella did not deserve that. That fool was just taking all her anger towards everything else in her unhappy life out on her. Get a punching bag and go to work on them abs instead, OOMPA LOOMPA. Kimbella gets the award for best line though..."I'm still pretty!" LOVES IT!!

Olivia: WHACK!!! Watching her is just embarrassing. Her and her bamma manager. Why does he talk like he's rapping? I can't take those 2 fools.

Somaya: She could use a diet regimen. I respect her hustle, but get a new manager and image. She needs a mentor.

Emily: Proud of her for moving on finally and I loved her convo with her daughter. That's a good mother. I pray she keeps her head up and walks tall AND leaves Fab alone for good, but from what I can see...she goes back like a dummy. SMH

Well that's my $0.02. Not that anyone cares. One thing that I do enjoy about this show is that the women have real issues. I know some of it is staged, but if you look deeper, you can see a lot of the daily inner battles that us "regular women" go through. I hope to use them as teaching tools for myself and other single or attached women out there.

November 21, 2011

About 6 years ago, he had a heart attack at the age of 36. Since then, he's been in a battle with Sarcoidosis. It's been a rough road. He was doing so much better, but since the beginning of October he's been in the hospital. It doesn't look good.

Our friendship over the years has been some of the best and worst times of my life and we both let stupid, trivial, insignificant BS keep us apart. Well not too long before he went into the hospital, we reconciled. We chipped away at all that stuff that had built up and uncovered our precious gem of a relationship. Next to my sister, he's the only person that knows me inside and out. The first man that I loved in a way that I can't describe with words. The only person has who trusted me with their deepest, darkest secrets and who in turn has kept a few of mine. Not sure what my life would have been without him in it. I'm grateful that my friend is back, but oh so sad that he is sick.I haven't spoken to him since October 18. He doesn't want me to worry about him, but he doesn't know that keeping me away makes me worry more.

All this just hit me today because I heard this song. I really, really miss him.

November 4, 2011

Wow! I haven't blogged in a long time. The last few months have been like a crazy storm mixed with tennis ball sized hail, knock you off your feet winds, hard rain mixed with a flood of tears and dark clouds with hints of warm sunshine peeking through. Emotionally, I was done. Mentally, I was drained. Spirituality, I felt dead. But physically, I always smiled. I smiled because in my heart I knew that this too shall pass. No need to wear the misery I was feeling because I made it was temporary. I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for sometimes.

Things have settled down now and I am piecing my life back together. I have given way too much to everything and everyone else and neglected the most important person in my life...Sweet P! This past weekend I got some much needed sleep and now I feel revived. Like I just gave birth to something amazing. Did some thinking too about my life and the me that I am today and an overwhelming feeling of love spilled over. There are some places that I want to strengthen and some new things I want to build, but I love Phyllis. So much in fact that there are some people who don't deserve the right to be her friend. LOL! I was talking to a sister-friend of mine yesterday who said that I am "good on and off paper." Love her for truly loving me enough to tell me the truth about myself. Tired Phyllis has dropped some balls this year, but luckily rest, prayer and my inner superwoman beat that Funky P up and brought back Phenomenal P.

Who am I?

I'm Phyllis, a wife, crazy aunt, and lover of DIY projects, home organization, yummy food, traveling and girlie things. I blog about all of that and whatever comes with my life after the aisle. Enjoy! XOXO

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Favorite Quotes

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that YOU love, well…that's just fabulous." - Carrie Bradshaw, "Sex and the City"

"Imperfection is beauty; madness is genius. And it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." - Marilyn Monroe

"Don’t cry for a man who’s left you, the next one may fall for your smile.” - Mae West

Disclaimer of Liability

This blog contains the thoughts and feelings of THIS Black woman. I do not claim to speak for ALL Black women. Please do not blame them for my words or actions. I, in turn, will not blame ALL men for the words and actions of the few that may have crossed my path, some of which you will read about from time to time. The names of the individuals I speak of will be changed to protect them from future humiliation. Now, piss me off and that can change. Smooches!