I'm a cat and a mogul just trying to live simply and intentionally through gardening, eating locally, living below my means and spending as little money as possible. Why? It's not that I need the money. I have a lot of money. It's because I want to reduce my carbon pawprint.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

This woman at church had surgery and needed meals sent to her house. So, the church meal organizer--let's just call her MEANFACE--sends an email to all the cats at the church that goes like this:

"This woman needs some meals sent to her house--pronto! Get to cookin!"

Now, I'm a mogul without a lot of spare time, but I don't mind pitching in. As a cat with severe food allergies, however, I endeavor to find out a little bit about the people for whom I'm cooking. Are they lactose-intolerant? Do they have a problem with gluten? Is there a nut allergy present? Are they allergic to steak? THESE ARE VALID QUESTIONS.

So, I emailed MEANFACE back and asked, "Do have a phone number for the woman who needs meals?"

Meanface wrote back, "I put all of the info that I currently have in the previous email. There was some urgency to get the info out so the meals would start coming."

Well, no duh. I get that. Obviously, I'm not an idiot. I run a company with hundreds of subsidiaries and manage thousands of employees. But, I'm not gonna just show up at someone's house bearing a tuna noodle casserole without calling first to a) say what time I'm coming over and b) find out if the person's allergic to seafood. THAT WOULD BE STUPID.

1. You hosted it on Super Bowl Sunday. Seriously, dude, are you that freaking selfish to think that folks wanna hang out with your kid on the biggest football day of the year?

2. Your goal was to host a bash that generated no garbage, but you held the party at Go-Kart World? Don't pat yourself on the back too hard about carpooling to get there.

3. You made tamales instead of hot dogs because it eliminated the plastic bags that the hot dogs and buns are packaged in. OK, that's cool. But, seriously, who the hell likes to eat tamales? I'm not hating. I'm just saying they taste like crap.

4. and 5. "Unfortunately for my son, some parents took the request for little or no waste to mean 'Don't bother bringing a present,' which, at the end of what turned out to be an eight-hour extravaganza, ended with my son storming off to his room." I don't even know where to start with that sentence. What are parents supposed to bring to a no-waste party? A sack of flour? In a biodegradable unbleached cotton sack, no doubt. Also, maybe your kid stormed off to his room because eight hours of anything is about seven hours too long.

I'm all for saving the earth and being all sustainable and stuff, but, really? Your party sounds awful.