“All My Children” recap (May 27-31): You’re Gonna Love Me

Greetings Binxians. Last week’s All My Children was a blaze of glory, culminating with Bianca’s ferocious lioness-like smackdown of JR. This week’s AMC however, was more like a mewling lamb. We didn’t get much Bianca, and based on her dialogue this week, I fear she may be absent for a bit. It did give us a chance to catch up of some of the other characters in Pine Valley, but I know what you want. Binx. Binx. Binx. So, let’s start off on a good note.

Bianca and Miranda meet up at, where else, Jane’s Addiction. Both are in better spirits since their unfortunate experience in the Chandler Thunderdome. Miranda fills her mother in on her first day back at school, post-Hunter scandal and tells that all is well. Bianca tells her daughter that Uncle Zach is in town, and wouldn’t it be lovely for all of them to have dinner together? Bianca. Except Gabby, Zach’s biological daughter. She’s not invited because she hasn’t been cast yet.

While Miranda looks forward to an evening with scruffy, lesbian kisser, and all around cad Uncle Zach, Bianca is going to try to get up the courage to Miranda about her real father. Alas, dinner will have to be rescheduled because Bianca gets a call that the keynote speaker for the Miranda House Violence Against Women conference has bowed out and Bianca has to fill in. She’s going to take Gabby with her to DC (convenient!) but Miranda will need some minding. Bianca suggests that Miranda stay with Opal. Silly Binx. Miranda will have none of that. She wants to stay with AJ, and the whole JR fight starts up all over again. Miranda tells her mother to calm herself, lest she have to choose between her and AJ.

Bianca, who consistently surprises me with her ability to not break into a million pieces of grief and loneliness, acquiesces and tells Miranda, “OK.” (Side bar: Bianca, girl, are you really going to let this child walk all over you? No no no no. Don’t make me call Erica. Your concerned, friend, Dana)

Elsewhere in Pine Vally

Dr. David is busy shopping around his state of the art, heart/stem cell thingamabob to anyone who will listen. Unfortunately, no one will. While the other inmates were using their toothbrushes to make shivs, Dr. David was creating groundbreaking heart disease implants with his. The brilliant bastard. Anyway, he pitches his plan to Dr. Joe Martin, who tells him to take the slow boat to hell. So he’s off to Pete Cortandt’s house, where he runs into an already irritated Opal.