Can we get over his affair?

The agonising thing, on top of an already devastating situation, is that as it was an intense affair he has to go though a period of mourning.

The last thing you need is to be a witness to this but it is also inevitable. But he needs to be aware of how painful all of this is to you and make more of an effort to show his commitment to you and his son.

There is no way he can do this while he has any contact with her. The affair may be over in the physical sense but it is still continuing via the phone. Explain to him that he cannot work on mending this marriage while he is still in touch with her.

For your part, given time you need to be able to forgive him, and you both need to look at what lead to the affair in the first place. He needs to accept that you will need to go over the details of what happened many times.

Then you both need to build on the positive things in the marriage and what has sustained the marriage until now. Make sure you spend time together to go out and do things that you both enjoy. Contact www.relate.org.uk for some joint counselling.