I am a survivor. Thats what those of us with Traumatic Brain Injuries call ourselves. Because I often can't remember yesterday this journal serves as my memory. I have decided to share my life to help others understand this disability. You can E mail me at bobcarver2@yahoo.com. Your comments are always welcome. Tell your friends about my blog if you find it interesting

Friday, September 30, 2005

93005 Friday

9/30/05 Friday Oh well. I never got to work on the website. Can’t remember what I did but that’s ok. I am up and the brain is operating real good, about an 8. Love it and hope it continues all day. Sharon called at about 6:45 to say she wouldn’t be able to do laundry as scheduled this morning because she did not have the right sleeping pills from the pharmacy or something like that. Regardless she did not sleep all night so that was it. If Barb is still sick like she told Fred yesterday she may cancel as well. This would be great timing if my brain continues to operate at this level because I will get much done. I met with Jeff for our Friday morning breakfast. I told him how sharp the brain was, that I was operating at an 8 or 9 on the Bob scale. I told him I call these moments “Prime time” and never knew how long they would last. It was noticeable to him and we had a good conversation about things I no longer remember. He did bring me the book they are using at the home group to study the parables of Jesus. I promised to return it by Monday along with a paper on the parable they will hit next week. It is my way of trying to help those who had rejected me, of still participating, only doing it anonymously. Probably stupid and wouldn’t be appreciated but I try to be right and act in a way I won’t be ashamed of. I don’t care what others think of me just live a life that follows my philosophy. I took Barb, Dee, and Dawn to the Pilgrim church for the food hand out. Getting there early worked well cause they filled the trunk and were able to get meat along with canned and dry goods. I need to get Wayne registered here cause it would help him a lot. He only gets $150 in food stamps a month and $115 in cash. That’s pretty slim, especially when they take out $25 of it for rent. He is a perfect example of who these programs were designed for but there are many taking advantage of it who are not doing bad at all. After taking Barb and gang home I went over to Wayne’s to take him to a laundry mat. We found one next to where I take him for haircuts and we discovered that the barber had closed the business because she broke her wrist. I did some shopping while Wayne did his laundry and then took him home. I was starting to feel tired so declined his offer to stay and visit. It is 1:00. I just got home. Did well till now. These things can come in quick. It was an instant headache with the kind of dizziness that is hard for me to describe. My head feels full, kind of pressurized. Spell check has corrected four misspellings in just these three lines. Make that four. I think I will take my seizure pill early now along with aspirin and tramadol. Was hoping to get some writing done. Maybe later. It is frustrating to have used my prime time driving others around. Will lay down now. I think I know why this one was so bad. When I went to get my second pill I saw that I didn’t take the first one. I know I have partial seizures all the time, sometimes several in a day and sometimes none. This tells me that the pills do much to help control them, perhaps more than I thought. Right now it is like I have been drinking. Not good. Ears ringing. Definitely lay down time. Hope the pill takes effect soon. These are the times I don’t drive. It is now 1:00 in the morning. I just woke up and decided to finish this entry, partly because it has been an unusual day and also to record it for the doctors. I seldom forget times like this but one of the reasons I keep a journal is to document events related to the brain injury. I had laid down till around 3:30 when I forced myself to get up. I had wanted to fix a nice dinner for Cherie and needed to buy some ingredients for the Ozark pudding I had planned to make to use the apples that were getting old. One of the new shows on TV I find fascinating because of the role reversals it portrays. The name of the show escapes me now but it is the one about the woman becoming president. Her husband is now taking the role of “First Lady” and it is absolutely a riot as the Whitehouse aid who is showing him his duties repeatedly calls him that. Because of my disability I now am the house husband. While some I know on the East side had kind of made fun, making veiled comments on the femininity of me keeping house, I find no shame in this. Not only am I grateful just to have a place to live but I am grateful for life period, no matter what form it takes. I love Cherie intensely and get great pleasure out of doing things for her like fixing a nice dinner, knowing that after a hard day of work it will bring a smile to her face. I went to Meijer’s to get what I needed. When I got there and started walking through the isles I realized I probably should have stayed home. The right side is always affected when I have these events and that was especially true today. Walking was tough and most people just flew past me as I shuffled along hanging on to the cart. The right arm began to get real tired as if I was carrying a weight though all I was doing was pushing a shopping cart. Getting the ingredients I needed I pushed to get out. The guy at the check out asked the standard question “How are you doing today?” I usually say something positive like “I woke up so that’s all I need for a good day”. This time I just said I was having a rough time. “I’m sorry” he dutifully said so I explained the paralysis and my belief that I am doing real good, all things considered. We talked as he checked out the items I was purchasing so I filled him in on how I had been in the coma and also how Cherie and I had met after 20 years and just remarried last year. I am sure I talk about this too much but I don’t care. It seems to bless those who hear it. As I was getting into the car Ahmed called and asked if I could give him a ride home. It was good timing from the standpoint I was already out and about in the car. I had told him to do this after he was told he couldn’t park his semi at the apartment and he couldn’t find a place for it nearby. He was at the truck stop at the turnpike and 280. He was grateful for the ride and I let him pay me. He told me about lots of the problems he encounters as a long haul truck driver and how companies such as truck repair take advantage of those on the road. When we got home I gave him the bag of what I had thought were dates and he laughed. They weren’t dates at all, they were dried figs. No wonder I didn’t like them. Being Lebanese Ahmed was well acquainted with dates and had two varieties with him that he let me try. This is what I had remembered dates were and had presumed when I didn’t recognize what Wayne had given me, telling me it was dates, that my memory was faulty from the injury. It was nice to know I had remembered correctly. Still not feeling well I pushed through to fix the Thai food I had gotten ingredients for and the Ozark pudding. It turned out surprisingly well and we ate it on the bed as we watched the news. These events take a lot out of me so I asked Cherie to clean up and crawled under the covers and went to sleep. Right now the headache is still there and I have a slight nose bleed which I attribute to all the aspirin I took for the headache. I am tired but wanted to get this entry published in case anyone out there reads the blog.

1 comment:

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