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"Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to you, each other, your children, your grand-children and others throughout the generations. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events." --President Spencer W. Kimball

December 9, 2011

Show Appreciation

Since Makai is off track, I was able to go to the hospital early yesterday....I wanted to make it in time for the rounds so I could see what the plan was for baby Katea, and what the next steps were. It was actually very informative and the Neonatalogist, Dr. Melleske explained things very well....he even drew me a little diagram showing me the different steps of lung development in babies with chronic lung disease. He explained that all the steps are distinct and they all happen, but there is no time frame that he could give me on how quickly each baby can get to the next phase. Baby Katea is stable right now, but he doesn't want to rush her or force her (by weining the oxygen liters too quickly) because sometimes the trauma of being rushed if the baby is not ready....makes them go backwards and they have to start all over again....and it causes even more damage to their little lungs. Honestly, I like his plan.....and I understand that it could take a while. He was telling me that this is probably around the time where most parents get frustrated because they feel like nothing is being done. I can see how some parents could feel like that, but I don't. Katea has been on 4.5 liters of oxygen for a week already and no other changes have been made....but I know that they're taking it slow with her, for her own good, so why get frustrated? He told me that they wanted her Fi02 to be consistantly at 24% for a few days before he'll even think about weining.....she's still between 27-30%....so we still wait for her!

I know her growth has been an issue, and they've been trying different things to get her to grow and gain weight. To me, she's growing....so I was glad I got to be there to ask the Neo what exactly their goal was, how much weight do they want her to be gaining everyday for them to be happy with her growth. He explained that it wasn't necessarily her weight gain that they were worried about....it was her length. She's been gaining weight just fine, but she hasn't been growing lengthwise. Growth in length means development of lungs. He told me he's not too worried about her lungs right now, he's more worried about her nutrition and getting her to grow, and then her lungs would grow and develop. If they don't give her the proper nutrition, she won't grow because she'll be burning all the calories working so hard to breathe, that's why they've been focusing on getting the right mixture for her feedings....so she can grow.

She had another eye exam yesterday, and nothing has changed there. She's still at a zone 2, stage 1 mild ROP. They've scheduled another eye exam for two weeks.....they'll do them every two weeks until her eyes are developed!

The Neo asked me if I had any other questions.....I didn't, he answered everything I had on my mind.....but I wanted to take a few minutes to thank them for everything they're doing for Katea.....I was really trying hard not to cry, but yeah right....hahaha.....I cried! It was a good opportunity for me to thank everyone...because everyone is at the rounds, nurses, RT's, pharmacists, neonatalogists....everyone..... I don't think they get enough credit or recognition for what they do....they are lifesavers, miracle workers....and I'm so thankful for them!

I've heard a lot of stories about parents who get frustrated or angry...or just burnt out....and I've been told that I will get to that point at some time.... but to be honest, I don't understand that. I've heard with my own ears parent's talking negativly about the Dr's or staff and I even heard a mom the other day in the parent's lougne saying that she would be so mad if her baby wasn't home by Christmas...that this would be the worst Christmas ever. I just don't understand that. I know everybody is different and life in the NICU can get really frustrating, I mean, it truly is an emotional rollercoaster....but they warned us about that from the very beginning....I just think why focus on the negative? I've been going to the NICU every single day for almost 2 1/2 months.....and even though I get so tired of that place, I can't get angry or upset.....all I feel is gratitude for these amazing people. I feel like if you're getting mad because your baby can't come home it's like getting mad at your baby for not being ready to come home...it's not the nurses or doctor's fault. Like I said before, they don't get enough credit for everything they do!

It's been weighing on my mind a lot lately, so I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to teach my kids how important it is to show appreciation in everything. Last night when Ova was at work, I was sitting on my bed watching t.v. with my kids and I turned the t.v. off. I asked them to tell me some things they were thankful for. Makai said "but mom, Thanksgiving is over....now it's Christmas" I was so irritated that he said that, but instead of getting mad....I asked him "so are you telling me that you can only be thankful for things during Thanksgiving?" He said no, and I asked him what he's thankful for. He said he thankful for me, and his dad for working hard, and G-ma Tea for taking care of them. I asked Mone and he said the same thing. They asked me what I'm thankful for and I told them I was thankful for Ova, for each of them, and for the Dr's and nurses that are taking care of baby Katea. Immediately Makai said "oh yeah, I'm thankful for them too because if it wasn't for them, baby wouldn't be alive" I told him he was right and that we needed to always TELL or SHOW the people that we're thankful for, that we're thankful for them. I asked them what they could do to show me and dad that they were thankful for us......they said listen, clean their room, don't fight with each other.....and then Makai asked me how I show the Dr's and nurses that I'm thankful for them...I said that I tell them all the time, and I blog about how grateful I am. He asked me how he could thank them since he can't go into the NICU anymore.....and I told him he could write a note or draw a picture and I'd take it and hang it up. We spent the next little while drawing and coloring pictures for our nurses. I think it's so important to show appreciation for the people or things that you've been blessed with. I want my kids to really understand that, and to always show appreciation when it's due.

The frustrations are inevitable. I hate to say it but it is true. It happens to the best of us. We were there for a total of 120 days (11 days passed Callen's original due date). It doesn't make you a bad person. We were warned about NICU-itis the first week there. We knew our son was where he needed to be but things change so quickly your head just spins and after months and months you can lose it. We had amazing primary nurses who understood the tears and frustration. Just know, it is allowed. :) Katea is beautiful by the way. I'm so happy to hear she is doing so well.

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We are a Happy Family!

Life is full of ups and downs, trials and blessings and many many learning experiences. I'm grateful to be able to go through everything with my best friend, Ovaleni. We have been married for almost 12 years....wow, that flew by! We have two handsome boys and two little princesses and a guardian angel who we always carry in our hearts. Grateful that we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and more grateful that we know that our family is eternal! This blog is what's going on with our family. Enjoy!

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Some great advice...

To you women of today, who are old or young, may I suggest to you that you write, that you keep journals, that you express your thoughts on paper. Writing is a great discipline. It is a tremendous education effort. It will assist you in various ways, and you will bless the lives of many--now and in the years to come, as you put on paper some of your experiences and some of your musings." --President Gordon B. Hinckley