The musings of a girl in her 30’s who has battled obesity her entire life. She is a former “LapBander” who had it removed due to a chronic slip, but she’s now “sleeved” and ready for the rest of her life! Enjoy the inner dialogue of an otherwise successful woman who battles her weight and health for 30+ years...

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Since the debaucle with my doctor not being able to get back to me -ever- about doing a barium swallow test (he wants me to take a day off work because they will only do it on a Thursday morning, and he refuses to let me outsource to another doctor because he wants to see the results), I haven't had a follow up or been able to figure out what's going on. The doctor took me down to 7.0cc awhile ago now, but I can still barely eat or tolerate most foods...which leads me to believe that my band has flipped or that something else is wrong. Oh, yeah, the acid reflux is still there, too. I don't even have those "good days"...you know, when some days you can tolerate foods better than others. Nope. Nothing. I live off of frappuccinos and mostly liquids. On top of that? My weight isn't going anywhere. Oddly enough, the only food I tend to do okay with is chips smothered with something unhealthy (read: nachos). I adore nachos, but a diet of nachos and frappuccinos does not make weight loss happen.

So what now? My doctor had last told me not to take Prevacid because he didn't want me masking the symptoms I'm having. I'm sorry, dick, but when you promise to return my calls and don't, refuse to work with me on getting some diagnostic tests done, etc., and I'm still miserable? I'll take whatever the hell I want to take, thank you.

Yes, a new doctor is in my future. I just found out yesterday that I didn't get the job I was hoping for about 2 and a half hours from here. I think it's actually a good thing, but that's not what I'm blogging about today. With that news, though, I can now look for a local doctor who won't dick me around like this guy/practice has been doing for months. I'm sick of this. I want to eat healthy and normal foods again, and I want to lose weight again. Size 16/18 is nice compared to the 26/28 I started in, but my journey's not done. And? This acid reflux has got to go.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Comparisons still blow me away. Found the picture on the left recently while looking for something else in my file cabinet. That was me, several years ago, at a friend's wedding. How did I never know I was THAT big?! Why didn't I ever see it? Why didn't I take the step to change back then?

Whatever my life was, I'm glad I made the choice to change over a year ago. The picture on the right was me earlier this week...what a change! I still have about 60 pounds to go, but...it's funny that I don't really mind pictures so much anymore ;). I'm one hot mama!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Coming up on my 15 monthiversary of having my LapBand, and I'm satisfied with my results thus far. What I'm not satisfied with, though, is the excessive adjustments I've had to have due to tightness and acid reflux. I got adjusted back down to 7.0cc (we think) a couple of weeks ago, hoping that I could eat solid foods again and that the reflux would disappear. 7.0cc is fairly loose for someone who had been surviving at 9.0cc...or so we thought...

I'm eating solid foods...ish. It's bizarre, really. I eat a little bit, and then get ILL. I don't PB...trust me, I've tried (remembers running out of a council meeting this weekend twice to PB in the bathroom...and nothing came up). I don't eat much...I just get...ugh. A fellow council member told me I looked sick...and I felt it. I don't know what's going on there.

And, of course, the acid reflux is around with a vengeance. What the hell is going on? My doc told me not to take any medication for it so that I wasn't "masking the symptoms," but I finally broke down and took some Prevacid again today (it's not helping yet). I called in sick today to work after vomiting acid again last night...this is getting really old.

What if my band's slipped? What if I have an ulcer? I'm pissed that my doctor's can't get me scheduled to even LOOK at what's going on...my life is stressful enough without having to deal with this.

Change doctors? I will, soon. I'm pending some job interviews right now that may take me out of the city I'm in...in which case, I'll look for a new doc in the new town. If those don't pan out, I'll be looking for another doctor locally. I'm sick of being sick!

Who I Am...

Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions. And the actions which speak louder than words. It is making the time when there is none. Coming through time after time, year after year after year. Commitment is the stuff character is made of; the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism." - Abraham Lincoln