Gratitude... goes beyond the "mine" and "thine" and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a discipline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.
-Henri J. M. Nouwen

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Gaps

This morning I am sitting here in the quiet space I have carved into my routine, and I am praying. I am lifting up the people my heart is burdened for this morning. Praying for the thousands of orphans in China from the recent earthquake; for my friend, Angie, with so much heavy on her heart as she fights to live and LIVE; for Delaney's teacher, Mrs. Vaudrin and her dear husband, Bryan, who will go to Cleveland Clinic tomorrow to try to find answers from months of pain, high white counts and facing the fear of knowing the news will not be good. Praying for my sister, Alecia, and her tired spirit and her soul, and for a young girl, Sharon Cameron, who I emailed over a year ago after she tried to commit suicide after years of struggle with an eating disorder and now suddenly is back in my life.

And then my husband sends me a message that Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter, Maria, was killed in an accident yesterday when her brother backed over her in the driveway. You know Maria, one of the darling little girls they adopted from China. Remember the song When Love Takes You In? I was just thinking of them this morning as my heart was burdened for all those children in China now without parents. I was thinking of the Chapman's amazing crusade for Chinese orphans over the last 8 or so years. I cannot even imagine their grief.

I stop. Is God still good? Is He still in control? Do I really believe?

God sees my heart. He knows that today I am feeling the gaps in my faith. In Susan BanBreathnach's book Simple Abundance she writes about these gaps. She says, "Perhaps the gaps are what make faith possible, especially when the pain is unbearable. If there were no doubt, why would we need faith? Perhaps the doubts must be acknowledged, accepted, embraced, and pushed past before our faith is strong enough, not just to talk about, but to sustain."

Part of this being real with God and with one another is acknowledging the gaps. Yes, even being grateful for what they teach us. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things not seen."

"Lord, help me to pray for these dear ones in faith today. You have promised that even if it the size of a mustard seed it can move mountains. Give me faith."

My girls

Books I'm reading or reading again and again

Quotes that inspire me

“God is not a belief to which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimately, meet everyday, one whose strength becomes your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life of the presence of God long enough and when someone asks you, “Do you believe there is a God?” you may find yourself answering, “No, I do not believe there is a God. I know there is a God.” ~Ernest Boyer, Jr.

"there is no use trying," said alice... ..."one can't believe impossible things." "i dare say you haven't had much practice," said the queen. "when I was your age, i always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes i've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common--this is my symphony." William Henry Channing

"PEACE. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." Unknown

Lines from Jack Kerouac’s On the Road: “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved. The ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”