But no, I don't want her to change her mind and go - I want the Princes to change their mind, realise what they've done and cancel this whole charade.

Now she's decided not to go, I don't want her changing her mind again. If she did it would give her opponents more fuel as her changing her mind again would be seen as acting contrary to her her stated intention of not wanting to detract attention from the purpose of the occasion.

I can't imagine the Princes cancelling the charade.

Till now I've had no particular interest in knowing what is said at the service, and didn't plan to watch, but I'm interested now it's controversial. I want to hear nuances and see facial expressions and other body language and in particular want to know whether William or Harry will say anything about Camilla's absence.

__________________

__________________"That's it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, -- and call off Christmas!!!"

Not a chance in hell that the princes will mention Camilla's not being there. If nothing else, I hope to God that their PR people are at least smart enough to tell them not to throw acid on an already burning flame.

I agree with BeatrixFan - Camilla has, effectively, been made a 'second-class royal'. I think it outrageous and I will never believe that it's inadvertent.

I repeat: I do not blame the gutter-press whose reaction would easily have been predicted, and, I believe, well-known; I do not blame the Diana admirers (and she did many good deeds which I valued - for HIV and Leprosy sufferers, and land-mine victims, particularly) who actually hold only an emotional and not any realistic power; but I do truly blame the advisers and dead-wood courtiers.

If I were of a Machiavellian turn of mind, I'd say that this whole unedifying spectacle has been devious from the beginning.

Camilla is not of the Blood Royal, and by golly, has this been made clear to this admirable woman in the most public and humiliating way. Yes, she has retreated, but she should never have been placed in this insidious position for one moment.

My frustration is exacerbated by the clear knowledge that the Windsors simply are devoid of any appreciation of the ramifications of their decisions. It makes many of us who are their strongest supporters cringe with embarrassment at times. You will see that some time back I criticised this whole exercise on the basis that it would prove too difficult for Camilla and result in an attack on her personal standing and prestige.

Now, what should have happened?

Instead of calling Camilla 'The Duchess of Cornwall', she should have been called Princess of Wales, from the outset. The discussion embracing her style and titles when Charles becomes King should have been stopped immediately with an announcement from the palace that she'll be Queen Camilla, when and if her husband assumes the throne. The Palace's PR machine should have promoted the Duchess as individual who had something special in her own sense to offer the country and the Commonwealth, rather than all the gumpf about her being a 'support' and a 'dutiful wife' and a 'comfort' to Charles.

In sum, my opinion is that the press is not to blame; Diana's 'fans' are not to blame; Diana's sons are not to blame; and politicians are not to blame. The full responsibility of this fiasco rests with ill-informed advisers and courtiers who made Prince Phillip's life a misery when his wife became Queen; who made Diana and Sarah Ferguson's life miserable when they were young, silly women; who have ensured that unsavoury stories about the Countess of Essex' lapses of judgment received full exposure in the past; and, finally, have allowed Camilla, the legitimate Princess of Wales, to be denigrated. Thus, I think it a set-up, with the outcome well anticipated in advance.

I think that one of the few avenues open to us to protest this ugly treatment is to write to HRH The Duchess of Cornwall and let her know that we support her.

Dear Elspeth,I had no wish you to offend you, but I have cited your words. I have been subjected to harsh criticism upon presuming that some form of divine intervention might prevent Prince Charles from becoming a King. I have just expressed my views on your words. You live in the UK and know more than those, who get news from cheap tabloids and mass media.

I don't live in the UK; I'm an expatriate British citizen resident in the USA. I also don't believe that deaths are divine retribution for anything, and I most sincerely hope that if one of the more deranged Diana fans decides at some point to pelt Camilla with bullets rather than eggs, nobody will start going on about divine retribution.

Theres nothing remarkable about her decided inability to attend and I don't believe it makes Camilla some incredibly moral woman for the decision either.

Bowing to public fraction says the institution is concerned for it's own 'wellbeing' and if any further division can be avoided, then surely that's the alternative path to be taken.

Why then it was said she would attend in the first place, when I'm sure many could have seen what would come of the situation, I do not know. If any reservation was held by the Duchess then it should have been said right at the beginning that HRH feels it in the best interests of the occasion that she should politely and respectfully decline the invitation. It's not about being a "second class royal", it's about the way she herself feels (?) and the way it would be perceived by much of the broader community. Whether we like it or not the monarchy is an institution of the people and what 'we' say does matter. I'm not saying it's right that she be made to feel like she has no place being at the service, indeed, I wanted her to be there but in the best interests of a difficult situation I feel perhaps the right choice was made.

This is a woman with common sense and an understanding that the situation at hand was clearly more trouble for herself, than what it's really worth.

If I wish I was in her shoes. I'd soon stick the toe of my Jimmy Choo up the ass of the Dirty Mail, the Diana Circle and it's ilk and make it clear that I wasn't going to be treated like some kind of inferior. Can you imagine if this was Princess Michael? Would she take this? No she wouldn't and nor should Camilla. Then again, it's all the more cutting when this has been put upon her by her stepsons so what can she do?

Camilla is a lady and behaves with class that can't be said about Princess Michael.

__________________"I think the biggest disease the world suffers from in this day and age is the disease of people feeling unloved."
Diana, the Princess of Wales

I don´t understand why the decision came so late, two days after Clarence House announced on the Pow website that she will attend.

If the decision would have been made some weeks or better month ago i think it could be accepted for many much easier.

But now, some days before the service, it is a perfect match for the press and the media.
They are (together with some Diana fans) the winner.

For the British Monarchy it is a black day and for the first time i really have fears for it´s future.

__________________´We will all have to account for our actions to our children and grand-children, and if we don´t get this right, how will they ever forgive us?´Prince Charles in a speech, 6th December 2006

I begin to feel angry about the situation now. It is about the unity of the royal family and how BRF protects their members. I am not sure whether Princess Anne would attend the service or not. If she did,even lawfully marrying into the royal family,Camilla is still the only one who is left with a vunerable state for unpredictable criticisms and public outcry related with any Diana's unfortunes.

I begin to see how vulnerable actually Camilla was and is by being put into the difficult situations. She is not only the chosen human target by the taboilts and Diana Hardcore fans but also the chosen human shield for the royal family toward public pressures about Diana's mistreatments. How sad and how unfair. Camilla is really a remarkable and brave lady to weather all these storms and endures all these pains and attacks for the sake of the monarchy and for the man he loves and the family he cares. I think I can do nothing but to write a letter to HRH to show our supports in her.

Since their marriage i was convinced that this Royal Couple will be the next King And Queen, and i gave my heart to them.
But now i´ve learned that we have to ask before the D....Mail and other press. They don´t want a Queen Camilla? Okay then there will be no one...
This decision is much more than a decision about this service! It shows the state of the Monarchy!

How sad it that!

__________________´We will all have to account for our actions to our children and grand-children, and if we don´t get this right, how will they ever forgive us?´Prince Charles in a speech, 6th December 2006

Perhaps, in recognition of how Camilla has been supportive of him, Charles should be openly supportive of her and announce that from now on he wishes to be referred to as the Duke of Cornwall.

I've been wondering what sort of gesture Charles might make to signal his support of his wife. Bearing in mind that he was the husband who had the affair which caused Diana such grief, I think it would be quite appropriate for Charles to decline to attend the service too.

__________________"That's it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, -- and call off Christmas!!!"

Well I have certainly picked a controversial topic to make my first post on but here goes:

I will admit to harboring rather hard feelings toward Camilla for many years. I had a great deal of admiration for Diana in what was obviously a very difficult life for her from her parent's failed marriage to her own. I now of course after all these years since her death, consider her a very beautiful woman who while certainly having much compassion for those suffering, was rather self-centered and extremely emotionally needy. Diana was a very complex person whom drew out the extremes in support and ridicule from vast numbers of people. She died a tragic death far earlier than she should have.

That being said, I have found myself softening my opinion of The Duchess. While there is still, in my mind, the taint of having been at least one of the reasons for Charles and Diana's marriage disintegrating, people must learn to lay the past away and move on. Her sons certainly seem to be trying to do that in their invitation to The Duchess to participate in the memorial service. While I myself believe that this should have been kept very private with immediate family and close friends only, since they just recently had such a large rousing public concert in her honor....well.....The Princes are young and still learning and mistakes will be made.

There have been comments made to the effect that the Palace Advisors and Courtiers are undermining Camilla, and it occurred to me that the exact same thing was done to Diana. She very often spoke about the "Gray Suits" and how they went out of their way to denigrate her and undermine any influence she might have had with Charles. Which had they stayed out of the way, things might well have had a different outcome.

If that is indeed the case then those blaming Diana for this..when the poor woman has been dead for 10 years, or blaming Camilla for not sticking to her guns, or William and Harry for planning such a controversial event should look to the real culprits.....it seems to me that the blame should rest solely with the Advisors and Courtiers. To try to continue to place the blame on Diana after all this time is in my view rather silly. The woman is long dead and only those still living can take the blame or responsibility for what is done in her name or on her behalf, or against her and her memory.

I have long had great admiration for the Royal Family...and I firmly believe that after all the years of it's existence, this is just another bad bump in the road that they will get past. I'm sure there are those that were sure that Wallis Simpson was going to destroy the Monarchy....it seems they were wrong.

Welcome to TRF, Nikki63, and thanks for a thoughtful and interesting response to the thread.

The thing I'm wondering is that since these courtiers seem to get it wrong just about every time they stick their noses into aspects of the royal family that involve relationships among people, why are they still being allowed to get away with it? Are the whole lot of them in the pay of Rupert Murdoch?

First of all, I would like to register my astonishment, and a bit of disappointment, that Charles and Camilla decided to bow to the pressure from media and some lunatic Diana fans (no offence to normal fans, who I respect). Why now? They went through a hell during these months, why pull out just a couple of days before the event? Surely they knew something like these was coming, when the guest list was first announced?!

I love the Duchess, she is one of my favourite Royals, but I really think she should have gone ahead, as planned. I understand it might have not been her decision (just as the decision to go was not her decision in the first place), but even so, I would prefer her to go through it, with dignity and tact she displays on all of her official functions.

This wasn’t just a blow for Duchess, this was a blow for Charles (who is now going to face it all alone, and who had to, in a way, ‘sacrifice’ his wife, for the public demands), William & Harry (who made it quite clear they want her to be there) and the whole British Royal Family, in my opinion.

I'm a staunch Royalist, and I admire the House of Windsor and all of its respective members greatly, but there is one thing I don't like about the modern Royal Family: they not just take the Media into consideration (which is normal and necessary) but are in a way dictated by them. Keeping them at the arm's length would be my preference. If the likes of Richard Key can decide who attends or doesn't attend an event, what's the point of Monarchy? The country could do as well with a Prime Minister alone, who isn’t required to pull out of anything, because of a public mood.

Edit: I've been without Internet or TV over the weekend, so I'm not sure where the announcement Caqmilla will not attend came from. I know CNN, BBC and others reported it, but where did they got the information? Was there an official announcement? I had a look at the Diary section at the PoW official website, and Camilla is still scheldued to attend the memorial.

__________________Queen Elizabeth: "I cannot lead you into battle, I do not give you laws or administer justice but I can do something else, I can give you my heart and my devotion to these old islands and to all the peoples of our brotherhood of nations." God, Save The Queen!

Avalon, I believe on Internet BBC and Daily telegraphy are the first two news to break out. I read BBC first though because someone posted the link in the topic. I am not sure about the TV. There is no official annoucement I suppose. Probably just the assistant faxed the statement from Birkhall to Clarence House then Clarence House informed the journalists and reporters about the decision.