Expect something relatable

Menu

Dear Married Men, Stop Falling in Love With Us

At a group lunch a few years back, a beautiful 3 year old girl fell in love with me. It was quite funny, she had to use the restroom, and her dad was taking care of his infant (mom wasn’t at the lunch). I offered to take her, at which point we had an instant connection. Left to her, I could become her mommy, daddy, nanny, everything lol. On leaving the restaurant, she wanted to go home with me! I’m talking about fussing and wailing. We decided to get her in my car, with the hope that as I drove off, she’d cry for her dad, you know how kids do. Well, quite the opposite happened, she waved bye-bye to her dad like a good girl, and was ready to start a new life with me, hilarious! I always say kids can hurt feelings the most… Anyhoo, I did a loop around in the parking lot to get back to her dad, and boy, did she weep!

Her dad, Sope decided to pacify her by having me talk to her on their drive home, this was the basis on which he got my number.

From the onset of my “friendship” with Sope, something was off…I couldn’t place my finger on it, but I was on full alert. He started calling me frequently, say 2-3 times a week, and boldly asked one day, “let’s be friends.” The whole thing was weird to me, but I tried not to think too much of it because most times, he called with his wife in the background, or with his daughters in the car.

I remember having this conversation with him, “You’re a married man. Let your wife be your friend. I don’t see the purpose of us being friends.” Now though, as I mature, I see that it is possible to be friends with a married man, but back then, it didn’t make sense, and I guess it was for the right reasons. It took about 6 months before I started opening up a little to him, or started actually being friends with him. Our friendship blossomed, and I forgot all about my initial reservations. I visited his home, talked extensively with his wife, she told me the whole story of how they met, her fear of getting married, etc. I was close to this family, very close. I called them my personal family friends.

Two years passed… I get a frantic text from Sope on one of my summer holidays in Nigeria saying he had to talk to me urgently!
“Hey, this wasn’t planned I promise. I love my wife, you can testify to that Oreofe. I didn’t plan it, but I’m in love with you! I want you in EVERY way….” He said a to more I will leave to your imagination… I was in utter shock. I was confused. See, I’d always known that for me, communication is the strongest foundation to any good relationship as frequent communication makes me fond of people, but I assumed that nothing will cause the focus of my friendship with Sope to shift, as we were both fully aware that there was a marriage and two adorable girls involved.

A lot happened in the months that followed his declaration. Everything became awkward, I stopped reaching out, his wife would call me now and again to ask how I was and when next she’d see me, I just felt guilty. I wondered if there was something I did that triggered the feelings, etc. Our friendship got toxic, but I’ll admit, I couldn’t immediately cut off all ties with him, it was a process. After roughly 5 months, I blocked his number. I did see him at a wedding a while back where we were cordial to each other, but other than that, its finito, o ti pari. Done. I’m hopeful that his family is doing well, and I hope the memory his daughter has of me gradually fades away. Maybe she’ll remember the idea of me, i don’t know, but regardless of anything, I had to do right by my heart, I removed myself from that craziness.

A good girlfriend of mine reached out to me with a weirdly similar story…a married man fell in love with her. Realizing that he couldn’t have her, he encouraged her to date his nephew so that even if she’s not his, he can have the chance of seeing her, which will continue to feed his lust. And as we know about men, most times, the thought of pleasure is just as gratifying as the act…Sick world I tell ya!

I’m writing this very real story because I know many of us deal with this… If you find yourself in a similar spot, please don’t beat yourself up. These men are adults, and I understand the possibility for their feelings to become “out of control,” but you can’t blame yourself for a grown man’s decision. As always, names were changed, but everything did happen.

There will be a part 2 to this topic, where I share another angle of a similar story. Please stick with me, and I look forward to reading your comments! If you enjoyed the read, remember to share the post. Xoxo.

Yeah, its a raging trend in Lagos sef. Where they have already prepared lines of wanting to ‘take care’ of you and such…So I just avoid them and I am ok with my married cool Paddys from home who have self respect and fear of God. This world na wa shaa