I always mean to behave myself, but often there are too many other options.

I have never been in serious trouble except with the Gracious Mistress
of the Parsonage. I must have gotten in trouble with my parents when I
was young, but I am too old now to remember that. The great thing about
getting old is having a selective memory.
Now, the only trouble I get into is with her. And trust me; I have had
my moments of trouble with her and can remember every one.
We were getting ready to visit our son and his family for a week. Four
of our grandchildren live with my son and his wife.
Grandchildren are God's way of apologizing for children. When you have
children, you are too young and busy to know what to do with them. At
the grandfather stage, it is a different story altogether. I now have
the experience and the time to spend with these grandchildren.
Half of my grandchildren live here in Florida and the other half lives
in Ohio. It would be great if I could spend half of my time in Florida
and the other half in Ohio, but nobody has bought into that suggestion,
and by “nobody” I'm referencing my children.
Grandmothers have a positive influence on their grandchildren.
Grandmothers teach the grandchildren many nice things. My wife always
has a craft party when she gets together with the grandchildren. They
are so excited to see her and so eager for the next craft she has
prepared for them.
Therefore, it is always a great pleasure to set aside a week and spend
with the grandchildren up in Ohio.
As we were packing to head for the airport to catch our plane for Ohio,
my wife looked at me with one of “those looks,” and said rather
sternly, “Do you think you can behave yourself this time?”
Honestly, I am not sure what the phrase “behave yourself” really means.
As far as I know, and my memory does not go back too far, I have never
behaved like anybody else. After all, I am not an actor. I can “act
up,” but I cannot act.
I looked at her rather meekly, well, as meekly as I could look and said
rather frankly, “I will behave like nobody else.”
“No,” she said, “you must promise me that you're going to behave
yourself on this trip to Ohio.”
I remember another promise I made to her around 44 years ago when I
said, “I do.” That promise carried on for 44 years and now she wants
another promise? Isn't one promise enough for her?
Then she said, “Do you remember the last time we were up in Ohio? Do you
remember the trouble you got into then?”
I did, and it was difficult for me not to laugh out loud. I must confess
I laughed on the inside, but was trying to “behave myself,” whatever
that meant.
The last time we were in Ohio, I took all the grandkids out for supper
at a restaurant. It is always good to get together on neutral
territory. Because, on neutral territory I can really behave like
myself and no other.
We were in the middle of supper when casually I picked up my straw. Now,
when I am at home my wife forbids me even to have a straw because she
knows what a temptation a straw is for me.
However, these grandchildren needed to be instructed on the proper use
of a straw. A straw is not just to drink your soda. It has other more
ambitious functions.
Casually, I put a little wad of paper in my straw; nonchalantly put the
straw to my mouth and one little puff and that wad of paper hit one
grandchild in the face.
At first, they did not know what had happened. I looked the other way as
though I did not know what had happened. The grandchild said, “Who did
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