Surprise Maid of Honor disappointment

A year and a half ago when I (along with five other girls) was asked to be a bridesmaid, the bride told us there would be no maid of honor because it was too hard to choose. I was surprised she didn’t pick “M” but I think she was mad at her for announcing her engagement on Facebook before the bride got to tell everyone. So to be ready I wrote a beautiful speech, just in case she wanted to choose who would give it based on what it said.

Then a childhood friend of hers had to back out of the wedding party because she couldn’t afford the bridesmaid dress. I think to make her feel better, and because she had known her longest, the bride decided the ex-bridesmaid would give the speech.

Now, days before the wedding I read on Facebook that “M” is rushing to finish her MOH speech. So basically it sounds like the bride did make her MOH, but didn’t bother to tell us.

I don’t even know why it bothers me. “M” was the most logical MOH choice from the get-go. It’s not like I think it should be me (I’ve known the bride the least amount of time).

So why do I feel hurt to find out this way? Just my crazy prego hormones? Any words of comfort?

Honestly I don’t see the problem. You need to know what your role is, but I don’t think I’d necessarily think to announce it to the rest of my bridesmaids if there was a change in the roster or someone else’s role. It’s not something that has any impact on you either way. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings or anything! She’s probably just going a bit crazy, like most brides 🙂

@oldmatron: from anotehr perspective, she may have asked M to give a little speech becaus M may have pressred her (unwittingly is possible) or just because bride felt bad that M wasn’t given a special role, and M may have just assumed that meant she was MOH. You never know what’s going on within someone elses little world 😛

Does it mean you won’t get to read your speech ? I hope it doesn’t. MOH or BM it doesn’t matter that much, the bride chose you and these other girls because she felt you were important enough in her life to surround her on her big day. Get the microphone and read your beautiful speech. 🙂

@oldmatron: I love the idea of turning your speech into a gift/letter to the bride – I’m sure it will mean a lot to her.

Choosing bridesmaids and MOH can be really emotional – not only for the bride. It’s easy to feel like your friendship has been ranked and compared to others. It would have been nice if the bride had given you and the other bridesmaids a heads-up on her decision, just in the spirit of open communication. But, her decision didn’t impact your role at all, so let it roll off your back and don’t worry about it. Life’s too short 🙂