Bart: Milhouse, we're living at the age of cooties. I can't believe the risk you're running. Besides, what's so great about kissing?Milhouse: Bart it's just not the kissing a lot of it is waiting to kiss you know like when you open an Eskimo Pie and you wait just a little bit for it to melt?Bart: But she doesn't melt.Milhouse: Oh, yes she does.

Bart: You can read comics with us. Let's see...something for the lady. Ah, Radioactive Man vs. the Swamp Hog.Samantha: Do you have any girl comics? Like Bonnie Craine, Girl Attorney, Punkin & Dunkin, The Twinkle Twins, or Lil' Kneesocks?Bart: No, but my sister's got a wide selection of crappy comics.

Good evening. Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese? Putting together that excess blubber would fill the Grand Canyon two fifths of the way up. That may not sound impressive, but keep in mind it is a very big canyon.

Lisa: Dad, do you know what today is?Homer: The vernal equinox?Lisa: No! It's been two weeks since you got that tape. Let's get you on the scale!(Homer gets on the scale)You've gained thirteen pounds.Homer: Disingenuous mountebanks with their subliminal chicanery! A pox on them!(discards tape)