7 Things No One Told You about Having a Baby

Number 1 was an unforeseen fear...

Motherhood is unpredictable

You found out you were pregnant. You research everything. You buy all the books. You want to be as prepared for motherhood as you possibly can. Unfortunetly there are so many things you just can't prepare for, no matter what. Just enjoy the ride, and this list!

Oh crap!

6. The baby isn't the only thing coming out during delivery- You’ll likely poop on the table during delivery – and your partner will have a great view. The nurse and doctor will actually tell you to please go ahead and poop while pushing since it is the exact same muscles you need to use to push baby out.

Try not to get embarrassed if this happens to you during labor. The Doctors and nurses are trained professionals who have seen it all before!

Ta-ta to your Tatas!

5. Say goodbye to your boobs as you know them- Your boobs will never be the same – they will be huge and painful, even during the first trimester, and your nipples will turn very dark, almost black and expand to the size of coasters. And then after baby is born and you are done breastfeeding, they might be smaller yet saggier than when you started. Sad but true.

You're a has been

4. After Being Star of the Show for Nine Months, You Will Be Upstaged -You may have gotten used to the special attention people gave you while you were pregnant. But now that baby's on the scene, you're yesterday's news: Your role is to feed, clothe, and comfort the baby. That's it. All everybody wants to know is how the baby is doing. All gifts are for the baby. You will hold the baby and people will coo at the baby while totally ignoring you. Face it, you have been put in the backseat. For life. And you aren't back there all cozy in a plush carseat, snoozing away without a care in the world.

It doesn't all happen naturally

3. Breastfeeding is the Most Stressful Skill You Will Ever Have to Acquire, and You May Never Acquire It. From latching-on issues to sore nipples, blocked ducts and breast infections, breast-feeding is rife with heartache. Never do you feel like such a failure as a Woman than when you can't feed your own child naturally. Getting a good lactation consultant is key, and for some, this does the trick. But it doesn't work for everyone. And for those of us who don't succeed, the shame of formula-feeding can really feel unbearable. Every time other women pull out their voluptuous boobies while you pull out your formula container -- you feel terrible. But remember that breastfeeding is not the one and only measure of being a good mom.

Everything is magnified

2. You Think You Will Be a Cool Mom But You Too Will Make Mountains Out of Molehills Even the smallest choices -- between this brand of diaper or that brand, between this pacifier or that one -- will feel like you are deciding how to handle the national budget. Don’t worry, you are not crazy for trying to read all 428 Amazon reviews. You only want the best for your child and let's face it, there are too many choices out there.

Super Mommy

1. Everything Around You Will Suddenly Seem Ridiculously Dangerous- The world has always been a not-so-safe place, but the moment your baby arrives, the threat level goes to DEF CON 5. Driving home from the hospital feels like you’ve never driven before in your whole life. You'll fear second-hand smoke, exhaust from old cars, lead in teething toys, tap water, and germs from people who want to touch your baby. How do you deal? At first, not very well. But eventually, you accept the fact that you can't protect your child from everything. But you know you will try your best anyway.