One day Jesus is walking down the halls of the greatest free art gallery in the world. Why? Because He’s the judge of a competition. Theme? Create the most beautiful piece from the very bottom of your heart with the best you can muster on something one love the most. He looked at one picture, observing it, then moved to another. But then, something is missing in those works. Not detail; they have plenty of detail. Not colour; there are lots of colours. Compilation? All the best. He’s watching everything a professional can pour. Eheheh…you must be thinking they must have drawn something that would win his favour but no, no one knows who’s the judge but Himself. A long time was spent on viewing the pieces in hopes of finding the ‘thing’ He is looking for, but there’s none.

“None of these satisfies me…” He sighed, “Maybe the thing I’m looking for is elsewhere.” So, he decided to take a break and look at all the other artwork in the world via the internet.

With just a thought, he walked down the galleries in the digital world in the form of a magnificent, golden corridor with many, many doors that stretch endlessly. On the doors are the artist’s name and featured work, but Jesus need not open every door…he knew what is there before he opened them.

“Hmmm…”“Death…hate…violence…” He shook His head sadly when he stopped at one door, “And this child is just 15.”“Politics, satire, dark humour,” He looked at the other, “A sad cynical soul who is harping on the negatives of life. Can’t really blame this lad…”

He continued down and He saw a big star on the door of one gallery. People’s favourite. On the door is a picture of a cute little girl with an umbrella. Nothing wrong with it, so He opened the door and looked at the other pictures. Everything is clean, but… ‘it’ is not there. In fact, almost everything he sees are either cute, or fanart of a particular game! He is happy that this artist is clean and is using the gift of art properly in a sense there’s nothing obscene in it, but the person did not draw anything to thank Him for giving the gift. Sadly, he moved on.

Then along the way, he saw another star above the picture. Another favourite. But he uttered a cry of repulsion when He took a closer look. “Ugh!” He shook his head, “Such language and such message! They’ve distorted something I had intended to be good!” In deep disgust, He quickly left.

On the Next few doors, He saw more starred artwork and non-starred artwork. On his left were all fanart, and the right art other art such as photography.

First, on the left.

“Ragnarok Online…Zelda, more Ragnarok Online… Final Fantasy, Megaman series, Grant Theft Auto...” suddenly He closed his eyes in pain, “Yaoi! Yuri! Homosexuality had spread to the world of fanart so soon???” He could not look at them anymore and turned his back against them, “And they are just fictional characters! First idolatry, now adultery? Some of these go as far as rape!”

At least the pictures on the right are more pleasant to the eyes. Many of them were shots of Nature, His work. He felt happy that these people manage to capture a one-in-a-million scene of one of His day job, namely running the universe. There are some shots featuring the human body, mostly women. Unfortunately, some of them were a bit TOO suggestive for His taste…

Of course, He knows not all art are bad. Many works of art out there hailed and praised Him…but there seem to be more of the reverse. What saddened Him the most were pictures portraying HATE towards Him…and one of it was not far away. The picture says that He’s a fake, nothing more than another politician, nothing more than a myth, nothing more than just another good man…and some drew and wrote things proudly proclaiming that He doesn’t exist.

“Please!” a little girl cried out, “I want to submit this for the competition!”“Ahahaha!” the guard laughed, “With that picture? You just cut the paper from a paper bag and drew it with charcoal!”“Because I have nothing else!”

“What is going on?” He asked, and the guard reverently bowed down to respect Him.

“Jesus!” she exclaimed with delight. That alone was music to Jesus’ ears, especially after all the not-so-nice things He saw.

“This girl wants to submit her drawing for the competition, my lord” the guard could not resist a chuckle, but the glance on Jesus’ eyes stopped Him. Swallowing, the guard continued, “I don’t want her to be laughed at by the professionals.”

“But you’re already laughing at her! What difference is it for you to prevent others from laughing when you already did it?” Jesus rebuked. The guard the kept silent, realising how he behaved was wrong and apologized to the little girl, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” she chirpily forgives the guard who laughed at her.

Jesus was delighted when He saw how easily the girl forgives someone who had laughed at her. He then asked, “May I see it?” and bent forward a little with both of his hands outstretched.

“Sure!” she gladly gave the piece of paper to Him.

The paper was brown, and not of the best of quality. It looked like it was cut out from a paper bag like the guard mentioned. He looked at the girl and noticed that her face is slightly dirty and her clothes worn and a little torn, complete with several patches. In the midst of the poor unkempt look were two bright, innocent eyes beaming with energy and delight. Then, He returned to the picture which was a brown cross, crooked, with droplets dripping at the edges; drawn to signify shedding blood. Then there were two charcoal-drawn stick figures, one a girl, and the other resembling himself, Jesus. Even the stick figures were not that good for a stick figure. He noticed that one shoulder of his was longer than the other, but it did not matter. Also written in charcoal are these words cramped on the small piece of paper, words that touched Him the most:

I luv Jesus. No Jesus. No Luv. He die to luv me, so I luv Him.

With a smile, he gladly proclaimed, “This child is the winner of the competition!”

“What?!” the guard, who is the only one other than the child standing there exclaimed in surprise, “Why???”

“Because this is her best, most heartfelt piece; more heartfelt than anything and everything I saw in the list of contestants,” He said.

“I don’t understand,” said the guard. Confused and puzzled.

“You see, she gave everything she has to make this piece for me even though she had little to give. Even with almost nothing, she thanked me and professed her love for Me. I had blessed so many others with much more, yet they did not say “thank you”. Some even denied my very existence with the gifts I had instilled in their wombs,” He explained, “I rather have a child’s picture with the message of love than to have a masterpiece with the message of hate. I rather have stick figures glorifying me than to have a proper drawing of the artist’s idol.” Smiling back at the delighted little girl, He warps it up by saying, “What matters most is the heart, not the art.”

I really don't care what other people told you about the past or present tenses, I loved it. You captured the escence of the message that true Jesus followers share. Thank you for opening my eyes to see what I didn't see before. We should praise Him for the gifts that He gave us. I commend you.

The story makes me happy. And It has to be pleasing to the Lord. After reading some of your work, it is aparent to me God has planted many seeds in your heart. I love it when I read work like yours and others with such God messages. Again I loved the story. And I prey you will always spread seeds of love with your gifts. For his word written or spoken will never return void. Amen.

Your story is very nice and sweet. Don't let the "proofreader's" bother you. Anyone who is seeking the truth is going to understand what you are saying because the Spirit of the Lord will help them to know it. Yes, there are spelling and grammar errors and maybe in some places another "better" word could have been used in place of the current one but these things are insignificant. Why? Because your story is from the heart (He+Art) and your story is art too.

God Bless you and may your walk with Jesus be continually blessed, now and forever more. Amen!

On further reflection, I realized it was probably unfair to condemn the piece without taking the time to explain why.

One day Jesus is walking down the halls of the greatest free art gallery in the world. Why? Because He’s the judge of a competition. Theme? Create the most beautiful piece from the very bottom of your heart with the best you can muster on something one love the most. He looked at one picture, observing it, then moved to another. But then, something is missing in those works. Not detail; they have plenty of detail. Not colour; there are lots of colours. Compilation? All the best. He’s watching everything a professional can pour. Eheheh…you must be thinking they must have drawn something that would win his favour but no, no one knows who’s the judge but Himself. A long time was spent on viewing the pieces in hopes of finding the ‘thing’ He is looking for, but there’s none.

What is "the greatest free art gallery in the world"? I will assume deviantArt, but a reader outside the site won't know what is meant by this, which cuts out a lot of your potential audience were you to clean this piece up for more public consumption.

"on something one love the most" is grammatically incorrect, and to the point of uncertainty as to what you meant to say. "everything a professional can pour" is likewise incorrect and needs to be clarified.

"eheheh" - slang or netspeak have little place in an actual literary work which this is intended to be; they are best left to chatrooms, instant messages, or personal communication.

"who the judge is" would flow better rhythmically (believe it or not, rhythm is important in prose as well) than "who's the judge". Also, this contradicts your later development of the guard honoring Jesus and the little girl knowing Him; the honor implies His identity is known, while this states clearly it is not. Similarly, I think you intend to express the idea that those entering this contest would rig their entries towards something Christ would prefer; what is actually written, however, simply implies they would try to make it excellent quality. 'thing' in quotes is vague and hazy; a clearer and more precise word choice would have a more powerful effect.

“None of these satisfies me…” He sighed, “Maybe the thing I’m looking for is elsewhere.” So, he decided to take a break and look at all the other artwork in the world via the internet.

"the thing... the thing"; this repetition falls flat, as it is again imprecise and vague. Repetition places emphasis on whatever recurs, which means it must be strong enough to support it.

With just a thought, he walked down the galleries in the digital world in the form of a magnificent, golden corridor with many, many doors that stretch endlessly. On the doors are the artist’s name and featured work, but Jesus need not open every door…he knew what is there before he opened them.

The syntax here tells me Jesus is the corridor, rather than that Jesus is walking down it. Be careful to express what you truly intend to say, as I believe you are attempting to say the digital world is the golden corridor with the doors. "walked...stretch" is a disagreement of verb tense; be careful to keep that consistent as well. This image overall is used a great deal in all kinds of writing and visual art both, which means you need to do something unique with it to revitalize it and make it yours. Think about something people haven't done when they've used the image or metaphor of an endless hallway, something that still fits your overall theme and message, and add that in.

“Hmmm…”
“Death…hate…violence…” He shook His head sadly when he stopped at one door, “And this child is just 15.”
“olitics, satire, dark humour,” He looked at the other, “A sad cynical soul who is harping on the negatives of life. Can’t really blame this lad…”

This language does not impact the reader emotionally. "sadly" is a word weakened by relentless overuse, which means we either again need to do something new with it, or we need a more precise and powerful word. I will point out that condemning entire genres may make a point different than your intended main theme, but of course everyone is entitled to preferences and dislikes, so that is not a comment about the literary quality. Where this portion falls down from a literary standpoint is that it lacks development; the reason I say the reader is not pulled in emotionally is that we are simply told these negative things and not shown them. Think about something universal experience (or close to it) would relate to these concepts.

He continued down and He saw a big star on the door of one gallery. People’s favourite. On the door is a picture of a cute little girl with an umbrella. Nothing wrong with it, so He opened the door and looked at the other pictures. Everything is clean, but… ‘it’ is not there. In fact, almost everything he sees are either cute, or fanart of a particular game! He is happy that this artist is clean and is using the gift of art properly in a sense there’s nothing obscene in it, but the person did not draw anything to thank Him for giving the gift. Sadly, he moved on.

Again, I'd caution against condemning entire genres or styles, especially as your piece purports to reflect the views of Christ, who I would venture to say doubtless appreciates work, even if not directly Christian in theme, that is done by His children and followers - much as I adore character art artist friends draw for me specifically, but enjoy and appreciate their entire galleries as well.

grammar cleanups: "He continued...He saw" is redundant with "He" and the second one could be taken out; everything He sees "is" cute; in "the" sense there's nothing obscene

nothing wrong...nothing obscene - using this construction twice in the same paragraph has the effect of making it tired, while the reader is hoping for a stronger contrast to the earlier absolutely condemned art since they are clearly being set in opposition.

Then along the way, he saw another star above the picture. Another favourite. But he uttered a cry of repulsion when He took a closer look. “Ugh!” He shook his head, “Such language and such message! They’ve distorted something I had intended to be good!” In deep disgust, He quickly left.

We have no idea what has been distorted, precisely. It's implied that some actual teaching or message of Christ has been directly tampered with or perverted, but we're not shown why or how. This doesn't even have to be done explicitly, as the purpose could be accomplished with a few words about, for example, "they've taken my teachings regarding freedom and used it to justify fulfilling any whim".

I feel compelled to ask, would Christ feel disgust and turn away? Christ who redeemed the woman at the well and Mary Magdalene? Or would He love and intervene? I would be nervous to put such words in His mouth - and at portraying him as turning his back on the things that while He did live on earth, He walked among to bring light to.

On the Next few doors, He saw more starred artwork and non-starred artwork. On his left were all fanart, and the right art other art such as photography.

“Ragnarok Online…Zelda, more Ragnarok Online… Final Fantasy, Megaman series, Grant Theft Auto...” suddenly He closed his eyes in pain, “Yaoi! Yuri! Homosexuality had spread to the world of fanart so soon???” He could not look at them anymore and turned his back against them, “And they are just fictional characters! First idolatry, now adultery? Some of these go as far as rape!”

We have a direct back turned to the work again, and again I feel compelled to ask where Christ, when He walked the earth, ever turned his back and abandoned. Why is "Homosexuality had spread...so soon" in past tense as a spoken quote? It's a little grammatically incorrect. Also, where does the theme of idolatry come from? Nowhere in the writing have we been introduced to it until here, while it is portrayed here as if it were already a developed theme. Also, what significance is attached to Christ reacting more strongly to the depictions of fictional characters in these situations than, the language here implies, He would to real people doing the same things?

"???" - excessive punctuation comes off as netspeak or chatspeak as well, and loses effect. To express the extreme surprise, "?!" may and should be enough, and is neater and cleaner aesthetically as well as from a literary standpoint.

At least the pictures on the right are more pleasant to the eyes. Many of them were shots of Nature, His work. He felt happy that these people manage to capture a one-in-a-million scene of one of His day job, namely running the universe. There are some shots featuring the human body, mostly women. Unfortunately, some of them were a bit TOO suggestive for His taste…

"day job.. running the universe" is a bit trite and overused. Also, we start off here with an (admittedly also often-used) image of Christ as artist Himself, which is worth developing further and playing on more.

Of course, He knows not all art are bad. Many works of art out there hailed and praised Him…but there seem to be more of the reverse. What saddened Him the most were pictures portraying HATE towards Him…and one of it was not far away. The picture says that He’s a fake, nothing more than another politician, nothing more than a myth, nothing more than just another good man…and some drew and wrote things proudly proclaiming that He doesn’t exist.

Grammar checks: "not all art IS bad" "there SEEMED to be more of the reverse" Why is hate in capital letters; italics might be more suitable, and hatred vs. hate as more refined word choice. "THIS picture says He's a fake"

Again, the reader you are ostensibly trying to reach won't have much of an actual emotional reaction to this. It needs to be shown rather than told, in imagery that clearly expresses the idea in a more immediate manner.

“lease!” a little girl cried out, “I want to submit this for the competition!”
“Ahahaha!” the guard laughed, “With that picture? You just cut the paper from a paper bag and drew it with charcoal!”
“Because I have nothing else!”

What guard? We never established a guard, hence "the" guard is grammatically incorrect, and the plot device is a little confusing as it stands.

“What is going on?” He asked, and the guard reverently bowed down to respect Him.

Who's He? Obviously you mean Christ, but that is not expressed grammatically in this line. In a new paragraph/section, the first occurrence of someone being referred to again or speaking should contain something to identify them by.

“Jesus!” she exclaimed with delight. That alone was music to Jesus’ ears, especially after all the not-so-nice things He saw.

As said before, we have a contradiction between a blanket statement that no one knew it was Jesus acting as this art contest judge, while now we have a little girl who calls Him by name.

“This girl wants to submit her drawing for the competition, my lord” the guard could not resist a chuckle, but the glance on Jesus’ eyes stopped Him. Swallowing, the guard continued, “I don’t want her to be laughed at by the professionals.”

Also as said before - the guard seems to recognize Jesus who we've been told is incognito so to speak. If there's a reason why these two recognize Him, which there may be, that reason needs to be explained and developed - and I'd caution against it in any event since they are the only two people IN the piece other than Christ Himself, so if they recognize him, essentially everyone actually does by implication and extension.

“But you’re already laughing at her! What difference is it for you to prevent others from laughing when you already did it?” Jesus rebuked. The guard the kept silent, realising how he behaved was wrong and apologized to the little girl, “I’m sorry.”

Jesus rebuked who? Obviously the guard, but again we need something to identify who Jesus is addressing. "the guard the kept silent" doesn't signify; I think it's a grammatical error but am unsure what you meant to say. "how he HAD behaved" is grammatically correct a bit later.

“It’s ok,” she chirpily forgives the guard who laughed at her.

Why is she suddenly in present tense when the entire rest of the story is in past?

“Sure!” she gladly gave the piece of paper to Him.

The paper was brown, and not of the best of quality. It looked like it was cut out from a paper bag like the guard mentioned. He looked at the girl and noticed that her face is slightly dirty and her clothes worn and a little torn, complete with several patches. In the midst of the poor unkempt look were two bright, innocent eyes beaming with energy and delight. Then, He returned to the picture which was a brown cross, crooked, with droplets dripping at the edges; drawn to signify shedding blood. Then there were two charcoal-drawn stick figures, one a girl, and the other resembling himself, Jesus. Even the stick figures were not that good for a stick figure. He noticed that one shoulder of his was longer than the other, but it did not matter. Also written in charcoal are these words cramped on the small piece of paper, words that touched Him the most:

like...like. "as the guard had mentioned" may suit better and is at least less repetitive, for example. Her face WAS dirty. Verb tense needs to be consistent - again!

I luv Jesus. No Jesus. No Luv. He die to luv me, so I luv Him.

With a smile, he gladly proclaimed, “This child is the winner of the competition!”

“What?!” the guard, who is the only one other than the child standing there exclaimed in surprise, “Why???”

“Because this is her best, most heartfelt piece; more heartfelt than anything and everything I saw in the list of contestants,” He said.

“I don’t understand,” said the guard. Confused and puzzled.

“You see, she gave everything she has to make this piece for me even though she had little to give. Even with almost nothing, she thanked me and professed her love for Me. I had blessed so many others with much more, yet they did not say “thank you”. Some even denied my very existence with the gifts I had instilled in their wombs,” He explained, “I rather have a child’s picture with the message of love than to have a masterpiece with the message of hate. I rather have stick figures glorifying me than to have a proper drawing of the artist’s idol.” Smiling back at the delighted little girl, He warps it up by saying, “What matters most is the heart, not the art.”

Their artistic talent is in their wombs? That's what this is saying right now from its language. You mean to say that Christ endowed them with these gifts at birth, I believe, but this is not clearly expressed. "I would rather." "wraps" it up (spelling)

Heart is made up of “He” and “Art” for a reason.

Is He in your art?

Overall: This piece lacks imagery, and what imagery does make its way into the writing sorely lacks development.

There is almost no actual description in this piece except for the little girl. We can flesh out our characters - especially in such a short work - by their physical descriptions, and a more extensive description of some of the art (I don't mean graphic, but even when discussing the art that is, we could add lines about "in suggestive poses" or "barely clothed", etc. that are not explicit but tell us what precisely is objectionable)

Much of it is trite, redundant, or repetitive and needs "waking up" through, again, further development.

Verb tenses are often inconsistent, and other grammatical errors abound, many of which could likely have been corrected by a simple spelling-grammar check on a word processor. Remember anything you submit for public consumption, people will form opinions of your work as a whole based on. It should never have easily reparable errors such as basic grammar, as those will lead to a sloppy or lazy sense for not having used said proofreading tools, which are readily available in today's world.

I agree to a large extent that this piece lacks literary merit, unfortunately. It relies very heavily on predictable cliche or trite phrasing, and does nothing to revitalize those by making them the author's own as well.

I was reading through and noticed the some comments about proof-reading your work. Now I do agree, but it is so refreshing to see someone seeking to glorify thier Lord with a loving heart than someone trying to glorify themselves with eloquent words.

beautifully said. thank you for reminding me, its sad that i even need a reminder to include God in my work but im glad you wrote this, im sure its touched many lives. thank you for the encouragment and for sharing the Word. with love , kt

Just want to say thanks for writing this. He is slowly teaching me how important it is that I use my talents with "HeArt", and this came at a perfect moment. I think a lot of times Christian artists (using that term broadly) devote a lot of effort into works that depict characters who embody the morals and beliefs we hold dear, but forget the person who LITERALLY embodied those things along the way. Much love for the piece, and God bless -Xann

this story is beautiful...yes jesus looks at the heart, not the medium presenting the praise. i love this story a lot as well as the artwrok. it holds a significant message that christians must know today

Just want to say thanks for writing this. He is slowly teaching me how important it is that I use my talents with "HeArt", and this came at a perfect moment. I think a lot of times Christian artists (using that term broadly) devote a lot of effort into works that depict characters who embody the morals and beliefs we hold dear, but forget the person who LITERALLY embodied those things along the way. Much love for the piece, and God bless -Xann

I am no believer. I am also not religious. The one thing I do believe is that Art comes from the heart. Granted, it can be macabra and dark, and joyous and loving. To me, anything from the heart is art, and it is all to be gloryfied in a personal manner.

One word: AW! Although I'm feeling a little ashamed of myself realising that He isn't really in my art...Ah well, thats what pencils and paper are for! This has definatly inspired me to make some art just for Him. Thanks a lot, this really brightened my day! ^_^

You switched tenses in this. That is, it started out in present tense "Jesus is" and then switched to past tense "He sighed". In some places you do this in a single paragraph, in others in a single sentence.
It makes it slightly difficult to read when one can't figure out when it's taking place. I also don't advise directly addressing the audience, that is using the word You. I recommend getting someone to read and edit your writing before putting it online, or doing it yourself, perhaps reading it aloud to see that it flows correctly. If it's not how you would say something, it's probably not how you should write it.

As to the message, it's nice to see that you're passionate about something, and I'm sure many people will get a lot out of it.

If it is not how I'd say it, then it's not how I should write? Well...I talk like that and tend to switch tenses without knowing. Even when I check, it whizzes through my mind because it is right to me. English here in where I live is a second language. Try as hard I am to be pure in my english, errors still seep in.

Ignore harunokaze. They're just looking to nitpick! That peice was so beautiful. The message speaks so loud it overpowers any typos or tense changes. It doesn't make a negative impact, not water it down.

It was beautiful and is beautiful! That is probably the best reading I've done all week. I loved it and many other people did too.