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Monday, December 2, 2013

irrational

I have been feeling irrationally irritated the last week or so. Not entirely sure why. It's the holiday season--normally I feel joyful and peaceful.

So what's my problem?

One major source of discontent is the amount of crap in my house. Seriously, this house is overflowing with crap. Everywhere I look I see something that should be given away. A massive purge is on my agenda for 2014, culminating in a garage sale in May. I hope to reduce the amount of crap by half--how's that for a giant goal?

Another source of discontent is my kids. I love my kids, just like every other parent out there. But sometimes being a single mom is exhausting. I am playing too many roles and it is wearing me out. I get 7 hours away from my kids each week. 7 hours. That is when their dad has them so during that time, I spend it running errands, cleaning, working and sometimes visiting with friends. Not much time. The rest of the time I am on duty for them, even when they are at school. If the nurse calls, I am the one who has to drop what I'm doing and take on sick kid duty. If there isn't school, I am on duty.

Don't get me wrong--this is what I wanted from the divorce and I don't want it to change. I would feel adrift if I didn't have daily, meaningful contact with my kids each day. But once in a while I would like a clean house for more than a few hours, I would like a shopping trip to Target that doesn't end in badgering Mom hard enough to make her snap, I would like to be able to focus on my business for more than 30 minute blocks of time. Just once in a while.

I need to figure out some solutions so that 2014 can be even better than 2013.