Monday, May 15, 2006

Oh, one of THOSE fans...

(UPDATED)

Breathlessly monitored subplot of the week: Kristine, girlfriend of Chris!, is visiting him in Toronto, and may or may not be encouraging him to shave off his playoff beard. Not surprisingly, the reaction from Chris' fellow Oiler fans is ranging roughly from "Dump her" to "Keep it, even if she dumps you" The delightful cherry on top of this non-controversy, though, comes from the lovely Kristine's Guest Appearance at CinO in February:

...what really got me into hockey was not, in fact, being disappointed time after time watching the Oilers get their asses kicked by Minnesota, believe it or not, but the—wait for it—Calgary Flames in the playoffs two years ago. Yes, I’m one of those fans.

Developing!

UPDATE: Now that my role has essentially been reduced to shit-disturber around here, I might as well say that I'll also be squinting to see if Chris! does in fact shave his beard, but pretends otherwise to avoid the wrath of the Oilogosphere. Stage 4 Beard Growth is tough to monitor: will Chris! spend this evening changing shirts, mussing up his hair, and taking multiple photographs of himself for future Beardwatch entries?

The only way to avoid such slanders will be to give Robocop some company in the background: the Today's Newspaper proof, perhaps?

Why grow it? How about "Why grow it, document it lovingly, turn it into an international celebrity that gets its own fan mail, boast that it's responsible for the team's success, and then threaten to shave it?"

As a female, and a hockey fan, I haven't had a haircut since the playoffs began and I'm starting to look homeless but it's for the greater good! The Oilers are one win away. Why ruin the structure of what's working?

Women! Blah! If she loved you she'd put up with it. If she insists you trim it, ditch her. There are hundreds that would take her place. Hell, I'll even fund a website much like the 25yearoldvirgin one and get you another girl. Seriously, anyone that doesn't accept you for your quirks and all shouldn't be dating you.

Thanks for the advice, grace — it occurs to me that there may be some misunderstanding among these and other commenters that my girlfriend is demanding I shave my beard or some such thing. I can assure you this is not the case. Rather, I know she prefers a clean-shaven face, and was considering losing the beard as a courtesy since we won't see each other again for another few months. Now that I've seen the reaction to this proposal, I'm rethinking my obligation to my other girlfriends, the Oilers and their internet fans. Stay tuned.

It's like a bad Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house, where the whole family is insulting and sniping at each other. You don't really care since it's not your family, but it's still uncomfortable and distasteful.