Quickie #1
One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
very sexy nightgown.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.

Quickie #2
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

Quickie # 3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is a husband.

Quickie #4
A Polish immigrant went to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Quickie #5
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Quickie #6
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years