James Franco Claims He Could’ve Totes Had Sex With Lindsay Lohan

With this new Howard Stern interview that’s out, James Franco is having quite the exciting day. First he said he understood where people were coming from who hate Anne Hathaway (but they’re still really good friends, you guys), and now he’s publicly confirming the rumor that he totes could’ve banged Lindsay Lohan back in the day but DIDN’T. Because he’s a strong, powerful man with eyes in his head, who saw where this train was heading.

“Oh gosh. Poor Lindsay. I haven’t talked to her in a while. We were friends. I met her, I think through friends, and there was a moment where I was staying at the Chateau Marmont hotel because my house in L.A. was being re-done, and she had been living there for a couple of years, and we were basically living in the same place, so I got to know her. I don’t want to, like, brag about it, and I don’t know how that got out! She was having issues even then, so you feel weird. Honestly, she was a friend. I’ve met a lot of people that are troubled and sometimes… you don’t want to do that.”

Okay, but what does Howard Stern give you in that room, and can I get some of it for my collection? I’m assuming it’s some kind of Veritaserum, because the the things that are coming out of James’ mouth are over some kind of line, right? I mean right? If you’ve escaped the grasping jaws of LiLo’s drug- and alcohol-addled vagina, you count yourself lucky and you silently go under the radar to recover and count your lucky stars. You don’t say her name in public again, for fear she’ll reappear and make you miss a flight or punch a fortune-teller. And especially if she’s your friend! If you turn down sex with a friend, I don’t think the radio needs to know about it! I mean that’s just me. I always keep it secret keep it safe after I turn down afternoon delight with Ryan Gosling. And if I can manage that, you can manage to keep your lippies zipped, James. If what you’re saying is true, it sounds like they’ve already been dangerously close to mortal peril already this lifetime.