How To Survive When Your Kids Move Back Home

Defining roles can curtail misunderstandings about normal routines and expectations of all involved.

Have you had a child move back home, just as you become accustomed to a quiet house? More common now than a decade ago, adult children, and often their children are returning to their parent's home. The burdensome expense of student loans and an economy that made jobs hard to come by has led many young adults to their last resort, your house. Some of you may be thinking about downsizing. Now may not be the time, but if you downsized, having a child back home living with you will be even more of a challenge.

Once our children have gone off to college, moved in with roommates, and left the nest we tend to find a new routine. Your home will become quieter and less busy. Household expenses that have become smaller, in the absence of other people in the household, will rise. After they move back home you will have the burden of the extra expenses. Address this change in your lifestyle, at its inception, so that lines are clearly drawn and this change can go smoothly.

Remain Calm - It's not forever

This usually is not a permanent situation and most adult children find their way back out your door soon enough. Do not let yourself fall into the "it's my fault they've failed" trap either. They have not failed and neither have you. Sometimes we all need a helping hand and life can bring unexpected events to our lives. Like your child returning home after being gone for ten years their child in tow because they have nowhere else to go.

Make this a life-affirming event and use it as an opportunity to grow together while getting to know each other on a different plain. Adult

Define Expectations

Defining roles can curtail misunderstandings about normal routines and expectations of all involved. A few guidelines can keep your life on an even keel when your kids move back home. These guidelines should include financial and chore related responsibilities around the home. Should they expect to live in your home free, now that they are an adult? No, and if they are not employed, they need to find work. Otherwise, they will still be with you 20 years from now.

Having extra people under the roof will increase the cost of utilities, food, and every other item that takes to run a home. Let them know they will be expected to pay rent and for their groceries as long as they live with you. Include in these expectations a defined beginning and ending period for this phase of your child's life. Let your kids know that if they move back home, it will only be until they get on their feet. That is unless you agree to a more permanent living arrangement with your kids.

Synchronize your Watches

Conflicting work, cooking, eating, bathroom usage, laundry, and other home activity schedules can be thrown from the window when someone else occupies your space. Unless you draw clear lines and manage time, frustration can cause conflict when your kids move back home. Having knowledge of everyone's household schedules and coordinating them will go a long way toward keeping the peace.

They are still your Kids - But they are Adults Now

If you have been separated from your child for any length of time, you will notice changes in them when they return. Do not be alarmed. It's part of the growth process and they have learned to act, think, and be independent of you if they were not already. Let them be who they are and working within defined expectations will take your relationship into a new phase. Remember this is not permanent.

That is unless you want it to be permanent and you all agree to throw your resources together. Then call your real estate agent and sell your current home. Start looking for a multi-family home that would suit the needs of the entire family. Possibilities abound when families get their heads together so when you have an adult child move back home look at it as an opportunity, not a burden.