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Title text: Here at CompanyName.website, our three main strengths are our web-facing chairs, our huge collection of white papers, and the fact that we physically cannot die.

Explanation

Beret Guy's business, as previously seen in 1032: Networking and 1293: Job Interview, is going well, although it is unclear why. The common theme in these three comics is that Beret Guy misuses common business cliches. The following are examples and phrases that Randall is likely making a joke about:

"If you're reading this, the webserver was installed correctly." When a web server is installed automatically (like apache using apt-get), it typically comes with a minimal configuration meant to deliver a single page saying all is working fine. Usually, a company will then configure the web server to provide actual meaningful content. It appears that in this case Beret Guy's company kept the page as is, but also trademarked the sentence as the company's motto, and proudly displays it under the company logo.

"Welcome to a meeting!" The usual way to start a meeting is to welcome the participants by telling them in which meeting they are (e.g. "Welcome to the meeting on ..."). Here, the complete lack of specifics in this sentence is an indication that the meeting has, in fact, no purpose at all, except to be just "A meeting". It could also mean that Beret Guy does not know the proper way to welcome people to a meeting.

"I'm almost out of words so I'll keep this short." A common theme in the busy world of business is lack of time, so "I'm almost out of time" would be a valid reason for keeping a meeting short, rather than a finite quantity of words. Aside from the fictional movie A Thousand Words or people taking a Vow of Silence, people usually don't have a particular quota on the number of words they have or can use.

"Just wanna touch bases." Often business professions will contact a customer to "touch base," meaning to check in for a status update. The use of the plural "bases" suggests Beret Guy does not know what this means. This could also be a word play on the expression "Cover some bases".

"Self-driving car project" Google has been working on self-driving cars, which usually shouldn't be lost track of and found by the police. The fact that it was launched "by accident" is concerning (implying the car was turned on by mistake and then left unattended, or perhaps that a driver of one of their cars fell asleep or otherwise stopped controlling the vehicle), and the involvement of the police during carpool hours implies that the car crashed or otherwise obstructed traffic. There may be the additional deliberate irony that carpools involve multiple employees sharing a single vehicle for their commute, for reasons of efficiency/economy, and yet this carpool activity caused a car to set off with nobody in it at all.

"Sales, any luck figuring out who our customers are?" In the real world, when companies want to find out "who [their] customers are", they are talking about learning more about their existing customers in order to more closely match these customers' needs, and to discover ways to attract more of them. Here, Beret Guy and Ponytail apparently use the phrase literally -- they have no records of making any sales. In a normal enterprise money doesn't usually appear from nowhere, and most businesses would be very unsettled if their cash flow was from an unknown source.

"Cool red beetle in the hallway" Beret Guy might be referring to seeing an insect. But given his continually surreal world, he might have instead seen a red Volkswagen Beetle, meaning there is an actual car in the hallway. This also matches with the "self-driving car project", potentially explaining why the car is inside the building. Randall's all-caps lettering hides the "beetle" versus "Beetle" distinction.

"Bug tracker" usually refers to systems used to track discovery, analysis, and fixing of software bugs (errors and problems), not the location of physical objects (be they insects or Volkswagen Beetles which are nicknamed "bugs").

"Web-facing" (title text) usually refers to software or a server that is connected to the internet using a web interface. However, in this case the term is applied to chairs placed in front of a computer with internet browsing capability.

"Main strengths" (title text) typically refer to one's skills, but "we physically cannot die" refers to the fact that incorporated companies are in a sense anthropomorphised—they're legally treated as "persons", with the ability to sue and be sued in civil courts. Or that Beret Guy is literally immortal, in which case that would indeed be a great asset which could be used in a variety of ways, from things like making a one man army (who could stop you?) to investing for a long long time. On that note, if Beret Guy IS immortal, perhaps many (many) years ago (before his mind got wonky?) he might have invested a lot of money in mutual funds and the like and is finally noticing the large amount of interest that has accrued. This would partly explain why there is lots of money coming in without any customers.

There is an alternative explanation for the company portrayed: it is run by computers. This explains the misinterpretations of language, the empty chair, the non-traceable money (perhaps from other computers) and the self-driving car project.

Trivia

"CompanyName.website" is actually a domain name that was registered on 2014-11-20 and which redirects to xkcd.com. Presumably, it is owned by Randall, for the same reason as in 305.

Transcript

[Beret Guy is shown in silhouette. Above Beret Guy there is a black sign with white (and grey) text. Above this is his address to those in the meeting:]

Beret Guy: Welcome to a meeting! I'm almost out of words, so I'll keep this short. Just wanna touch bases.

[White text in the black sign (.website in grey):]

CompanyName.website

If you're reading this, the web

server was installed correctly.TM

[Beret Guy stands in front of an office chair and a table talking]

Beret Guy: First, a few updates. We've learned from the state police that the self-driving car project we launched by accident during this morning's carpool has come to an end about 90 miles outside of town. Very exciting!

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