Hello, guys.

Some of you might remember me as a slightly clueless judo brown belt with issues regarding social skills, broken bones and clumsiness. I haven't been on this forum for a long time as my priorities changed, and not in a good way.

After last Valentine's Day, my fiancée left me because she didn't feel ready to enter that kind of commitment (lol), the same day my grandmother, who raised me as her son, died. I've not been right since, running away endlessly, trying to find comfort in partying, drugs, other women. I attend law school, well, attend is a loose term, I suppose, as I haven't been to class in close to 2 months now. Long story short, I'm kind of a wreck.

I moved quite a bit away from my parents' and could not attend judo as before. I've been out of training for a year now. This weekend, I got tired of my life slipping continually downwards and finally saw the opus was on me to get through this.

I've been smoking stupid amounts of bud non-stop, every day for 3 months now. I tried the jits for the first time today and while I might feel a lot of (physical) pain right now, I feel reborn. I feel like all is right with the world. Sure, I got pretty much punked but it's not like I was expecting otherwise (Bullshido, you have trained me well) and the coach's comments to me after the class were a welcome boost to my rock bottom self esteem.

Today is also the first day I haven't been higher than a kite for more than 5 minutes on end. In fact, I ran out yesterday and instead of cashing on another ounce, I cut a check for 3 months of 6 times a week BJJ instead and can't afford weed anymore.

What's the purpose of this thread? I dunno. Perhaps just one more leg in the journey is acknowledging you have a problem and letting the world at large know. Maybe I just want to prove to nobody in particular than BJJ is extremely therapeutic and will heavily contribute to change this person's life for the better. Maybe I just feel so fucking ecstatic about breaking the vicious rut I've been in for months now that I want to let a bunch of strangers know about it.

Or maybe I'm just thankful to you guys, because it was rediscovering Bullshido during my break-up, figuring out my old password and reading these forums that made me decide to get off my ass, spin the wheels of change and give BJJ a shot after all.

Getting back in the game after a longer time out is a hard thing, stick with it and pull through. Life is full of things you can't do **** about, but you can do one thing, control your thoughts and actions...
Good luck.

Your training will help provide you with the focus to maintain an even keel. The hardest part about any form of physical training is having the determination to walk through the door, everything else is just gravy.

Really pleased for you, I'm sorry to learn of your misfortunes however, my pity is meaningless for you. DIG THE **** IN to your training and if possible, make this your primary focus in life until you find that natural balance of what you consider normality.

I can empathise with part of your situation, when my mother was diagnosed with a terminal cancer some years ago, we went through 18 months of hell with her (Bless her!) whilst she endured aggressive treatments including a failed surgery. After her passing I found myself mentally and physically exhausted.

What I discovered through my training at the time, was the 5-6 hours a week I could devote (at the time) allowed me to forget my family troubles and concentrate on something entirely different. Even though that release was temporary, I have no doubt at all it was a saviour.

First, thank you guys for giving me no pity. You are right, I don't need or want it, and it wasn't why I posted this. It's entirely up to me to walk the walk, play despite the pain and get out of this whole debacle a wiser man.

Originally Posted by Rock Ape

Welcome back to the site and more importantly to your life.

Your training will help provide you with the focus to maintain an even keel. The hardest part about any form of physical training is having the determination to walk through the door, everything else is just gravy.

Really pleased for you, I'm sorry to learn of your misfortunes however, my pity is meaningless for you. DIG THE **** IN to your training and if possible, make this your primary focus in life until you find that natural balance of what you consider normality.

I can empathise with part of your situation, when my mother was diagnosed with a terminal cancer some years ago, we went through 18 months of hell with her (Bless her!) whilst she endured aggressive treatments including a failed surgery. After her passing I found myself mentally and physically exhausted.

What I discovered through my training at the time, was the 5-6 hours a week I could devote (at the time) allowed me to forget my family troubles and concentrate on something entirely different. Even though that release was temporary, I have no doubt at all it was a saviour.

Good to have you back in the world brother.

You've hit the nail on the head. What I plan to do involves making physical training a big part of my life. I've asked a friend to go to the gym with me and show me how to bulk up, training/nutrition-wise (it's his domain!) as I feel the added discipline will do me a world of good, and have a lot of beneficial lasting effects to boot. Whenever I won't be working or studying, I'll be training.

Damn, my belated sympathies for your mother. My grandma had Alzheimer's disease before passing away so I totally know what you mean. This kind of experience is very draining and ultimately left me with no more strength for the other bomb that was to come.

Originally Posted by jnp

Welcome back my internet friend. It is good to hear that you're back to training and that you have taken control of your future again.

Please keep us updated on how you're doing.

Thank you man, will do. It's good finally feeling some measure of control. That is, until it's taken away from me with a nice lock ;)

Originally Posted by slamdunc

Welcome back. I was going to wish you good luck after hearing your Hard-Luck-Story and then thought better of it. Play the hand life dealt you and focus yourself; train more, smoke less.

Yep, can't do much more than that, can we? Things could have been totally different, but they aren't and no amount of self-pitying or sulking will revert everything. I might as well get out of this with my head held high, a better health check-up, a few life lessons under my belt and a fun new hobby/sport/obsession? We'll see.

Originally Posted by Krijgsman

Good to hear you are getting yourself picked back up. I know starting Judo did wonders for me when I was going through as rough patch (not nearly a rough as yours sounds, but rough none the less).

I think it's always easier to clear your head when you are involved both physically and mentally as in martial arts. I tried to throw myself in academics but never could, mostly because low-level academia is bullshit IMO.

I am looking forward to a few knocks and getting clowned again tonight :)