BIG HAM

BIG HAM is one of the great grocery shoppers of our time, who Gail had the privilege of encountering while in Brazil.[1]

As the tale is long and covers many tweets, it shall be transcribed here to preserve its true glory. The original story may be found on her timeline on November 10, 2015. The management warns you that every word of this story is (probably) true!

"BRAZILIANS! I have another fascinating, TRUE tale of adventure to tell, but first, I have to ask...is a can called KAISER a kind of beer?

"Okay, then sit back down, Brazilians, and prepare to have your HAIR raised by this TERRIFYING TRUE TALE OF SHOPPING AT THE CARREFOUR!

"So, we had some trouble getting Brazilian cash. The hotel doesn't make change, the ATMs didn't take any of our cards, currency exchange...

"Because we're here for a week and we wanted to have a few little grocery items. Shopping when you don't speak the language can be tough.

"So we find the store, called Carrefour, in the basement of the mall. It's packed, just slammed, long lines at every checker. But unlike...

"...the US, nobody seems to be upset. Some people are singing. It's nice. Everyone's fine.
Except for one guy, whom I will call BIG HAM.

"Now, Big Ham is a big guy, he's maybe six four or five, and just big all around. He's maybe fifty, has a full head of lustrous hair.

"But he's in a bit of a hurry, and the checker for the line we chose seemed to be new and was making a lot of mistakes.

"Big Ham is like four customers in front of me. He is getting impatient.. He's not at all rude, but he's clearly got other places to be.

"I look in his cart. He's got three items total.
THREE ITEMS, you guys."