The Most Annoying Types of Drunks

We drink for different reasons: to have fun, to forget our troubles, to socialize. But once we’re drunk, alcohol seems to exaggerate our personalities, and we tend to become a more amplified version of ourselves. Sometimes, we become one of the most annoying types of drunks – someone who has to rely on their friends to get their asses home.

Typically, it’s not a good thing.

If you’ve ever been the sober one surrounded by a bunch of drunks, you know this is true. You also know how annoying drunk people can be and how hard they are to deal with.

Described by their characteristics, here’s a list of the most annoying types of alcoholics so you know who to avoid next time you’re the DD.

The Happy Drunk

The happy drunk is one of the easiest to deal with, but when you’re sober and they’re not, they can still become ridiculously obnoxious. These people are always having the best night of their lives with the best people in the world. You can spot them by their inability to stop dancing and their constant hooting and hollering. They do serve a good purpose though; the happy drunk can easily become the life of the party. He keeps people up and moving and keeps the party going. But come four in the morning, you may want to knock him out; he’s always in denial about the party ending and will try to keep people up until dawn.

An offshoot of the happy drunk is the sentimental alcoholic. She loves everyone and is reminiscent of times together in the past. You can identify her by her repetition of, “do you remember when we…” She tells never-ending stories that typically seem to have no purpose and has a habit of getting emotional. She may even cry because she’s overwhelmed by the awesomeness of how things used to be.

The Sad Drunk

Everyone knows someone who’s a sad drunk. These people are doing well, having fun, when suddenly the alcohol hits them and they’re drunk. Now they’re crying, talking about how horrible life is and how no one understands. They seem to enjoy wallowing and drowning in their own sorrows. The worst thing about the sad drunk is she always catches you somewhere private, like the coat closet or the bathroom, and once she starts, she’s hard to get away from.

Another version of the sad drunk is the apologetic drunk. He becomes emotional and starts apologizing to you for things you didn’t even know about that happened 15 years ago. Sometimes he’ll even go as far as seeking your forgiveness for things he thought about, but never did: “man, I’m so sorry, but I used to have these thoughts about your mom.” Talks with these drunks tend to look more like therapy sessions and can drag on and on.

The Reckless Drunk

The reckless drunk gets a few drinks in him, and suddenly he’s Superman. He’s outside in zero degree weather, doing flips off the trampoline without his shirt on. He likes to do stupid, adolescent things, so don’t be surprised if you see him doing a keg stand or challenging people to shotgun beers. He, too, has a couple deviations.

The Sleaze is often a reckless drunk that instead of doing stupid stunts, suddenly is stupid enough to think he’s suave. He becomes rude and inappropriate and tends to have groping hands. He’ll want to keep hugging you and his hands linger longer than they should. He invades your personal space, and sees to regress the drunker he gets.

The violent drunk and the reckless drunk are often one in the same. It’s just that something random—and typically trivial—sets him off. He’s having a good old time, acting like his normal reckless self, when suddenly he’s loud and chest bumping everyone in sight. He’ll take on anyone three times his size, sometimes for things that never even happened: “He looked at me! Did you see him look at me?! Don’t look at me, Punk! You’ve got a problem?”

The Sloppy Drunk

Ah, the sloppy drunk. Every party’s got one. The sloppy alcoholic gets drunk quicker than your 16-year old sister, then proceeds to stumble around the party, bumping into people, spilling drinks, and slurring so bad no one can understand him. He gets drunk quick, tends to get into fights, and normally ends up vomiting in the middle of the party.

The Professional

This guy does this for a living. He drank a fifth of Grey Goose, did five shots of tequila, and you don’t even question if he’s safe to drive when he picks up his keys and heads towards the door. Hell, you didn’t even know he was drinking. The sure sign of the professional is the next morning: he may have been smashed, but he’s up and functioning, looking great, and starting the day with a Bloody Mary.