September 14, 2010

Sir M snapped his finger and pointed at G’s pussy. This was my order to go down on her. G rested languidly on a bench, naked except for a blindfold. Sir M had just taken her down from the St. Andrew’s cross after beating the hell out of her. I parted her pale, beautiful legs further and kissed the tattoo snaking down one thigh. She smiled beatifically. Then I dove in.

I went straight for the inner lips and ignored the clit for a while. My tongue thrashed around between solid flat licks, so I could better suck in her juices. I am intoxicated by G’s pussy. I enjoy her so much, I grunt, grab her hips and plunge the tip of my tongue inside her. I want to absorb her, violate her, adore her. She’s extremely submissive and that emanates as the ultimate expression of femininity. In response to her submissiveness, I become sexually aggressive. I often have to restrain my enthusiasm for her because I’m afraid it will be overwhelming.

Sir M was goading me on and G was gasping with pleasure so I abandoned some restraint and went a little wild. I devoured her like she was my favorite meal and I hadn’t eaten all day. I rubbed my cheek against her lips so I’d have her pussy juice all over my face. I inserted a finger, then two, drawing them out slowly to see the juices glisten.

She tasted like a perfectly cooked jumbo scallop — sweet and slightly salty, with a briny sheen. She made me tremble.

She sighed and cooed and was clearly enjoying it. I was tempted to suck her harder and bite her but didn’t know if that was permissible or appropriate. I was afraid to let myself get too rough, because I am strictly submissive with no desire ever to dominate anyone. I don’t want to be a switch — ew! However, it was a struggle to keep my sexually aggressive side in check.

Sir M took care of the rough stuff — slapping her face, squeezing her throat. I wished I could have done that too. Then I fantasized about fucking her with a strap-on.

She is shy about making a lot of noise during sex, quite the opposite of me. But she was groaning and tilting her pelvis up into me to get more. And I gave it. My fingers pressed forcefully in and out of her, and my tongue lapped her up. Finally I tasted a saltier moisture seep out of her and knew that she was done… for now.

I am not a switch!

The next day I ran through the details of the encounter and my cheeks flushed. It was super sexy and fun, but I was left with a disturbing discovery — the “toppy” side of my sexuality. Had I let it loose, I was afraid I would have been the most brutal, perverted top, and that it would sabotage my submission to Sir M. I am not a switch!

As an aside I should note that my last boyfriend was a switch and that dynamic didn’t work at all for our relationship. I concluded that most switches are bottoms who can’t admit that they are submissive and so they buy a flogger, a riding crop, and attempt to play top. That wishy-washyness is to be avoided. I only know a few remarkable switches, and it’s certainly not something I want to emulate.

I brought my concern to Sir M.

“Sir, I am conflicted by some of the feelings that emerged in me when I was with G; I felt very ‘toppy’ and it scared me. I’m not a switch am I?”

“No, you are not a switch; you were following my orders so it was an act of service to me.”

What a relief!

An activity does not make you a Dom or a sub

Sir M pointed me to a recent posting on the kinky social media site we frequent. It was a discussion following a question from a Master who likes some sexual activities that might be considered “bottoming” — and pondering whether that made him a switch.

A slave in Ft. Worth, Texas called Shaohua offered a brilliantly simple explanation. It was so good that Sir M remarked that it should be required reading for any couple in BDSM.

With Shaohua’s permission and a few edits I am reprinting it here:

An activity does not make you a Dom or a sub. Being a Dominant or a submissive is part of who you are; topping and bottoming are activities you do. A very important distinction.

i know in my own relationship with Mistress there have been times where she’s ordered me to top her for brief moments to give her relief and to help her relax. Regardless of whether i was tying her up, giving her a bare handed spanking, or penetrating her with a dildo, i NEVER at any point in time doubted who owned who, nor did i lose any respect for her.

These are sexual activities, not power exchange determiners.

So i do not think it in any way makes someone a switch, and i have known other Dominants, of both male and female gender, to like to occasionally be on the receiving end of bottoming activities. And i have known many slaves who are sadistic, or at the very least have a sadistic streak (heck, i’m one of them!)

As a wise friend once told me: ‘Sadism and dominance, and masochism and submissiveness do not always go hand-in-hand.’ i find this to be true, even for activities not concerned with just S&M.

I thank Shaohua and her owner Ms. Tina, for allowing me to share this with you. And I am thankful to find out my sexual aggressiveness doesn’t make me any less of a submissive.

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That Steam allows the objectification and sexualization of female characters in a variety of its games but refuses to accept a game about actually engaging with women in a more interactive fashion is astonishingly backward.

That the site doesn’t take measures to protect user content and has shown incompetence or negligence in regard to user privacy, all the while prohibiting victims from warning others about predatory behavior creates an environment where it is nearly impossible for members of the community to take care of themselves and one another. By enabling FetLife to continue espousing a code of silence, allowing the spinning self-created security issues as “attacks,” and not pointing out how disingenuous FetLife statements about safety are, we are allowing our community to become a breeding ground for exploitation.

Should people who benefit (parents, siblings, children, roommates!) from the earnings of “commercial sex acts” (any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value) be charged with human trafficking? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed “deviant” be charged as with human trafficking? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight, 14 or 20 years in prison, a fine not to exceed $500,000, and life as a registered sex offender?

If you are a woman, you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community. Since there is no standard definition of what a “geek” is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway, chances of failing are high (cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test!). If you somehow manage to succeed, you’ll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like, say, Felicia Day. But even then, you’ll be questioned. As a woman, your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests — if you’re lucky. If you aren’t lucky, you’ll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it.

Zak’s original field, it turns out, is economics, a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname. But after performing experiments on generosity, Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions, which led him, rather inevitably, to research about oxytocin. Oxytocin, you might remember, is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding — between mothers and children primarily, but also between partners. What Zak has done is take the research a step further, arguing in his recent book, The Moral Molecule, that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil.

Let’s talk about the strippers. Whether they like to be half-naked or not, whether they enjoy turning you on or not, there’s one thing they all have in common: they’re working. Whether you think that taking one’s clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point (is it a possibility for you to make $500 per hour at your job without a law degree? Just asking). These women are providing fantasy, yes, but that is their job. And as a patron of the establishment where they work, you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you.

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