"Ruby Encrusted Codpieces ..."--Brett Porter (I love being young in a prosperous era!)

"Michael Ovitz Firings ..."--David Finkle

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"Amish Hookers ..."--Jon Hotchkiss

"Old, Possibly Stolen Shopping Carts ..."--Jack Hitt

"Even if He Tried for a Trillion Years, There's No Way in Hell Phil Gramm Could ..."--Chris Kelly

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Randy's Wrap-Up

Even with its blank unfilled, this headline does not express a reliable general principle. Certainly some things are popular despite their cost--Knicks tickets, vacations in Paris. Others are popular because of their cost--a Cartier watch tells time no better than a Swatch; Marla Maples does whatever it is she does no better than an Earth woman. The former category reflects the values of the marketplace, the latter reflect the values of Donald Trump. consumption-Conspicuous Consumption. Consumer-Exhibitionist. Economic choice-Moral choice. A modest dinner at a bistro-A barbecue in hell with Roy Cohn.

Lifelike (Between 32 and 212 Fahrenheit) Answer

Breast implants, reports medical writer Patricia Anstett. Despite Dow Corning's $3.2 billion settlement of a class action suit involving 170,000 women, "It still tends to be the most popular procedure we do," said Susan D'Andreta, office manager at Plastic Surgery Arts in Rochester Hills, Mich. Costs range from $5,000 to $7,000 at most large U.S. medical centers for bilateral breast augmentation. Last year, 122,285 American women had breast implants for cosmetic purposes, says the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons.

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Most breast implants now done in America use a saline solution rather than silicone. However, a newly released study for Britain's Ministry of Health concludes, "Silicone gel breast implants are not associated with any greater health risk than other surgical implants."

Extra: You Be the Interior Decorator

Consider these factors, then match wits with a professional interior decorator.

"We don't have television personalities in Holland. We have people who work in television."--Annette Roque, fashion model fiancee of Today show host Matt Lauer

"What I do comes from the inside, and if it feels right, I just do it."--Muriel Brandolini, Annette Roque's professional interior decorator

"If they wrestle with tops, is it sports or sex? There are a lot of gray areas. There's questions about spanking movies, about tickling movies."--anonymous New York video store owner, redecorating to be in compliance with a new law that say if 40 percent of your space is devoted to sex tapes, you're a sex shop and can be zoned out of business.

Q: Suppose Matt Lauer did a spanking video of Emmy-winning quality for the Today show and gave the coveted statuette to Annette. Where should she display it?

A: Anywhere Muriel tells her to.

"She's an artist, and you really can't stop an artist, especially when you know what they're doing is right."--Annette Roque, satisfied client

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