Two Easy Ways to Boost India’s Economy

How stupid can one get? Here I was, along with millions of other ordinary Indians thinking that the reason the Indian economy was stuck in the dumps was that the scam-ridden government of Dr Manmohan Singh was just not taking any decisions, and the few that it did take were, well, scams. That is why presumably, the people booted out these non-performing scamsters and voted the ‘Vikas Purush’ Shri Narendra Modi to power. As I said before, how stupid can one get?

According to a secret report meant to be sent to 12 important functionaries including the Home and Finance Ministers, Shri Nripendra Mishra and Shri AK Doval, the seretaries of Power and Coal, people at RAW and such others, the INTELLIGENCE BUREAU (IB) of the Ministry of Home Affairs, claims that the reason India’s economic growth is not touching stratospheric heights is just some fifty (count them 50) individuals and organisations whose activities have “Been noticed to have used people centric issues to create an environment which lends itself to stalling development projects. These include agitations against Nuclear Power plants, Uranium mines, Coal Fired Power Plants, Genetically Modified Organisms, Mega Industrial Projects (POSCO and Vedanta) , hydel projects (at Narmada Sagar and in Arunachal Pradesh) and extractive industries (oil, limestone) in the North East. The negative impact on GDP growth is assessed to be 2 to 3% p.a.”

Just to get these numbers in order. India is well over a trillion US dollars economy, so 2 to 3 percent of that works out to be more than US$ 30 billion each year. This is more than the entire trade we have with our former masters, the Brits.

And these fifty villians have been secretly robbing us to such an extent! You can imagine with what eagerness I perused this not so secret report since people in the know told me that my name figured in this infamous list. There it was on top of page 6 and in the interest of full transparency, let me quote the report itself. “Sonntag was in close contact with Surendra Gadekar, a prominent member of the Ahmedabad based anti-nuclear network and a son in law of Narayan Desai (reputed Gandhian).” I am definitely son in law of Narayan Desai and have been so for forty two years, but I am in no contact whatsoever (whether electronic or physical) with anybody named Sonntag or for that matter Rainer or Hermann ( which is supposedly this guys full name according to IB) and I have never lived in Ahmedabad for more than half a week all my life.

However, this is the INTELLIGENCE Bureau, man! And it is on this sort of intelligence that the government of this country operates. How can they be wrong. So I went further down the report looking for my name. After all, Surendra Gadekar is not a very rare name. It may not be the equivalent of John Smith in English but there could well be other Surendra Gadekars around and some of them may well be interested in antinuclear activism. A quick search on facebook itself reveals four such characters, one of them even a pretty looking girl remarkably similar to Kareena Kapur and another to an image of Mother Durga. So I figured that IB in its search of these villians had hit upon another previously unknown Surendra Gadekar from Ahmedabad. However, for this doppel-ganger (Ha, a German word) of mine to be also a son in law of Narayan Desai and for Narayan Desai to have concealed his other daughter from me for 42 years is taking things too far. Of course, if true one would have to admire these Gandhians for their ‘door drishti’.

For the sake of full disclosure let me announce the names of all the other individuals mentioned in this IB report. Well, to be really truthful this is not only for the sake of full disclosure but also to make all the people who think no end of their own activism, to go green with envy at their utter inconsequence as far as the IB is concerned.

The interesting fact about this motely crowd who have caused 2 to 3 percent in damages to India’s economic growth is that none of them have names like Mukesh Ambani or whatever Adani or even MS Dhoni. You will not find them on any Forbes list of go-getters. Except for a few like SP Udaykumar, Medha Patkar, Prashant Bhushan or Vandana Shiva, you would most probably have never heard of them and are unlikely to do so in the future. It is only the genius of IB that has been able to unearth them.

The rest are names of organisations. A lot of the names mentioned above are those of eminent personalities who know no better than to advice the other riff-raff. In this short article I am in no position to do full justice to the hard work done by IB and would therefore urge everyone to read the original document which is available on the net at http://www.scribd.com/doc/229493571/IB-Report-NGO

Since the activities of some of these individuals has resulted in a two to three percent loss of economic growth to the nation, the easiest way to boost national output would be to ship the whole lot of them (of course not the eminent personalities who are guilty of nothing worse than not knowing whom to advice when and on what) to China. Their absence from India would automatically increase the Indian GDP by two to three percent and would have the additional benefit of reducing the Chinease GDP by the same amount. India would become China and China would become India. God help us.

On further reflection, this solution does not seem viable to me. Since the quality of the Intelligence displayed by IB through this communique seems so bogus my thoughts have turned to the second word in IB. Where ever there is a bureau, there are bureaucrats and as a new dispensation comes around after an election, these worthies feel threatened in their sinecure jobs. So my feeling is that by this report these bureaucrats are signalling to the new administration that they can become as loyal chamchas of the new powers as they were of the old order. After all India is definitely the land of the ever present and everlasting chamcha.

So my other recommendation for boosting the Indian economy, is for the new administration to summarily fire everybody associated with this rubbish from the IB. This step would not boost the Indian economy by two or three percent. The boost will come from the fact that important officials to whom this report is addressed, will not waste their time reading rubbish and would hopefully get time to address the real issues facing the Indian economy. These if properly addressed would in time yield results far in excess of two to three percent.

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