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Tyrone county officials have admitted to being stretched this week after scrambling to prepare the Healy Park away dressing room to meet the demands of multiple All-Ireland champions and multi-millionaires Dublin.

The Boys in Blue, who thrashed Tyrone last August in between holidays to Dubai and Kinsale, arrive by private jet in Omagh on Saturday night for the second round of fixtures in the National League.

A leaked A4 sheet of paper revealed the extent of the Dublin management’s expectations when visiting county grounds:

– Heated benches

– Unlimited supply of unfiltered Dublin water

– personalised hangers with each player’s initials on them

– newspapers from across the world including the Financial Times

– grapes

– soothing classical music and strictly no country music

– No member of the public within a 400 year radius

– Framed picture of Bertie Ahern

– 73 degree fahrenheit exactly

– a ping-pong table

– a large urn containing noodles and jellied eel

– two smartly dressed hostesses from Omagh

– a temporary runway for landing and taking off

A Tyrone GAA sources added:

“We’ve been able to meet most of the demands but a few towards the end are proving problematic. We need to get this right or Dublin could throw us out of the Association altogether.”

If all else fails, the Gortin Road will be cordoned off as a temporary landing strip for the Jackeen players.

“since our apparitions, the part of us which appears, are so momentary compared with the other, the unseen part of us, which spreads wide, the unseen might survive, be recovered somehow attached to this person or that, or even haunting certain places, after death. Perhaps - perhaps.”