"I always feel antsy when Suzu doesn't show up to class, and today is no different."
"With lunch nearing and no Suzu in sight, I make up my mind to pass by her dorm room once the break starts. Until then, I have to put up with yet another drawn-out science lesson. While a few others manage to keep at least some attention focused on the blackboard as Mutou scrawls down another chemical reaction, most are beginning to watch the clock instead."
"Hisao should be paying full attention and jotting down notes like the good little student he normally is, but he seems just as distracted as I am. Over and over he taps his pen against the page, his gaze unfocused as he stares blankly ahead."
"Having caught my rather overt gawking, Misha gives a smile. I quickly turn my head back to the front, lest she become curious about what's going on."
"Eventually, thankfully, the school bell heralds the beginning of lunch. The relaxation of everyone in class is plainly obvious, even if it isn't spoken. It's no surprise that Mutou gives up on any prospect of keeping the lesson going, bidding us to have a good lunch as he collects up his teaching material."
"As the class begins to file out into the hallway, Hisao does the same. Curious if he knows aything, I follow him out."
mik "Hey."
his "Oh, hey."
mik "You don't look happy to see me."
his "Just a lot going on right now. I'll tell you later."
"He tries to leave, but I quickly turn behind him and throw my left arm around his neck without warning. With his neck caught in the crook of my elbow as I hold it tight with my right hand, he's completely immobilised."
his "Miki... What are you...?"
mik "You didn't think you were gonna get out of it that easily, did ya?"
"He uselessly bats at me and grabs at my arm."
his "Let go... I can't..."
mik "You gonna tell me what's up, then?"
his "Fine, fine! Just let me go...!"
"I release my gip on Hisao, letting him recuperate for a few moments as he catches his breath and rubs his neck."
his "I swear being around you is going to take years off my life..."
mik "So, what's the story? I'm guessing this is about Suzu."
his "Yukio... confessed to Suzu."
"Oh boy."
his "Suzu rejected him, of course. The problem is that he didn't take it very well."
mik "This is about me, isn't it?"
"Hisao reluctantly nods."
his "Apparently he's been angry with you for a while, and now that all this happened, he let it all out on her. It was a complete mess."
"I feel a familiar sensation beginning to run through me. Images of Yukio berating Suzu over my failures as a person come to mind, lashing out at her after bottling up his feelings."
mik "Were you there?"
his "If I had been, I might've been able to do something. All I can do now is try and smooth things over."
mik "With Suzu?"
his "Yukio. He was still pretty pissed, so I was going to try and calm him down first."
"So he hasn't had enough. Fair enough; if he wants to settle the score with me, then that's just what I'll let him do."
"I walk past Hisao and start down the hallway, knowing full well where the ass would likely be. My blood is already boiling in anticipation."
mik "You go talk to Suzu. I'll deal with Yukio."
his "Wait, Miki...!"
#Timeskip
"Striding past the line of trees separating the track from the school gardens, it doesn't take long to pick out Yukio given the few people milling about."
"He looks downcast as stands around, venting at someone with his arms crossed. So occupied is he, that he doesn't notice me walking up until I'm on the track and facing him."
yuk "What are you doing here?"
"The way he addresses me, in both his angered expression and acidic tone of voice, only makes me even more pissed off with him. This is all his fault, what the Hell reason does he have for looking at me with such disdain."
"The guy he was talking to backs away. He'd have been around long enough to know how this will probably turn out."
mik "Giving you a chance to notice me so this doesn't count as an ambush."
"The corner of his mouth tugs upwards. Yukio seriously thinks he can win this? He almost looks like he's looking forward to it."
yuik "So you've come to put me in my place, huh? Work off some stress?"
mik "You know what you did."
yuk "Me? I only told Suzu what I thought of her getting hitched to-"
"His annoying nasally voice is cut short as my fist meets the front of his face square-on. It's little more than a quick jab to make him shut his mouth, but it's enough to send him staggering backwards."
"Shock is written to his eyes as he stares back, his fingers brushing underneath his nose upon feeling blood trickling down. What did he think was going to happen if he talked to me like that?"
"Several people who'd been doing club activities walk over, the flurry of activity having piqued their curiosity. One reaches out in an attempt to help him, but gets batted away as Yukio notices the red stain on his fingers."
yuk "You...!"
"He suddenly moves forward with surprising speed, letting fly as he raises his fist."
"Caught unawares by the speed he's apparently capable of, his swing at my face lands with a fair emount of force, sending my head jerking to the right."
"But I know what to do. No, my body knows what to do. Still dazed by the blow, I reflexively raise my arms in front of my face as a shield. Even without a hand, my left arm is more than capable of this much, the forearm absorbing his next punch."
"It's obvious from his face that he has no idea what he's doing, simply flailing about in a violent rage. With my senses returned and Yukio on the back foot as he shakes his sore hand, now's the time to counterattack."
"I drop my right knee as he starts another wild swing, his balled fist sailing over my shoulder as I drive my own into his undefended stomach."
"He hadn't braced at all as it drives deep into his torso, forcefully pushing the air from his lungs. Spit and a pathetic groan escape from his mouth, his stunned face frozen as his body tries to comprehend what's just happened to it."
"There's no doubt he can't possibly fight back, confused and disoriented as he stumbles, arms tightly crossed around his pained stomach as he reflexively doubles over."
"The boy lurches towards me for whatever reason as he begins to right himself, earning a powerful swing at his head in hopes of dropping him. It has the intended effect, his body sent sprawling to the ground as my knuckles smash into his cheek."
"This isn't enough. He won't learn from this. I have to make this final and irrefutable in his idiotic head."
"I drop to my knees, following him to the ground and straddling his chest. The look of absolute fear in his eyes as he realises the situation only drives me on. This is what I want. This is the emotion I want him to feel, to remember long after this ends."
"He raises an arm over his bloodied head, but it's in vain. I twist my entire upper body as I ready the blow, my fist flying downward at him with all the force I can muster."
"The feeling of impact ripples up my arm and floods my entire body. All prospect of defense deserting him as the strength leaves his arm, but it isn't enough. He deserves this. This repugnant being deserves this. Why shouldn't I enjoy teaching bad people like him a lesson?"
"I pull back my arm, slamming it into him once more. I can feel my face distorted by the wild grin my mouth has twisted into. This is fun. He'll remember me for this. He always will. He'll never forget how it was his fault this happened."
"He'll never forget how powerful I am compared to him. That's what truly matters. He's a bug. That's all he is, an ugly little bug under my foot. And now, he'll never forget it"
"I pull my fist back, my knuckles covered in a mix of his blood and dirt from the ground. This bug can't even defend itself now. It's at my mercy. I can stomp on it as much as I want!"
"Again my knuckles slam into the broken face below me, eyes rolling about with each catastrophic blow. The blood running into its throat giving a slight gurgle with each ragged breath taken. So what if I'm stupid? So what if I lost everything? I'm stronger than this bug. Nothing could be better than this feeling."
"But as my arm flies down at the bug beneath me for another hit, it suddenly stops."
"I try to pull back and punch once more simply due to the adrenaline coursing through me, but only afterwards do I realise that someone's firmly grabbed my arm."
mik "Let go-!"
"Rage begins to fill my mind as another hand comes around my right armpit, followed by another set of hands taking a firm grasp of my left arm. I jerk my body with all my might, but the groaning body beneath me slowly becomes smaller and smaller as I'm dragged off it."
mik "Let go! Let go of me!"
"Try as I might, I can't escape their grasp. Flicking my head around as I desperately try to work myself free reveals my captors to be Haru and Hisao, likely the only two track club members who'd ever dare approaching me in a fight."
"They manage to pull me a few yards away with some difficulty, holding me fast as help finally comes to Yukio. It pisses me off to see him still awake, dribbling blood as slowly staggers to his feet with the help of another guy who was hanging around."
"He very barely manages to stay on two feet, practically held up by the one who aided him, but that doesn't stop him staring me down through half-closed eyelids."
yuk "Happy now? You... really put me in... my place..."
mik "Don't you feel sorry, you asshole!? How can you do that to someone you pretend to like!"
yuk "And let her go... to some violent bitch... like you?"
mik "I'm not like that any more! That was years ago!"
"Somehow, to the surprise of damn near everybody, he breaks out into laughter. A warped, pitiable laughter. Tears begin to stream down his bruised cheeks, face twisted in impotent rage."
yuk "Look at you! Look at you!"
yuk "How can you say you've changed!?"
"I feel my arms drop to my sides, Hisao and Haru having let go. I only notice now that I haven't been struggling for a while, but try as I might, I can't find the will to move at him."
"This... is what I wanted, right? I did what I set out to do, after all. He made Suzu sad by ranting at her. He deserved this. I can't let myself be distracted from that."
mik "I...!"
yuk "I, I, I, that's all you ever thought about, isn't it?"
yuk "I did everything right! You only ever hurt everyone around you! Now you waltz around like you're a different person?"
yuk "You never changed! You think everyone can forget what you did!? Fuck you!"
"With his fury seemingly spent, he simply hangs his had and shakes it from side to side. He's mentally and physically defeated, reduced to weeping pathetically in front of everyone who's gathered for the spectacle."
yuk "It's not fair... It's not fair..."
"All he can do is repeat the sorry mantra. Snot and blood drip onto the ground from his nose, his shoulders occasionally jerking as he tries to hold it back. Nobody says a word."
"His fists tighten as he speaks, his knuckles becoming white. Just as I realise what it means, his shuddering body lurches forward, slipping from the grasp of the guy next to him."
yuk "Someone like you doesn't deserve happiness!"
"He screams the words as he surges towards me, the intense pain that much be wracking his body all but forgotten in his blind fury."
"Yukio's arm rears back over his shoulder as he prepares for as hard a blow as he can manage. I should probably raise my arms to defend myself right about now. Maybe evade to the side and dodge the blow."
"But I don't care any more. All I can do is stand there and watch his fist moving through the air as his words reverberate in my mind."
"Someone like me really doesn't deserve happiness."
"With that, my world goes black."
# Timeskip
"I've always hated the nurse's office. The smell of bleach and strong cleaning agents, the pure white light flooding the room, the way everything is so immaculately clean and perfect... it's unnatural."
"A familiar metallic taste plays on my tongue as I wake from my rest. Tapping at the small gauze patch placed over where it's split shows that it isn't doing a great job of stemming the bleeding. Passing my hand over my aching cheek, it seems that's started swelling up, too. Never would've expected that asshole to throw a decent punch."
"While I might be content to stew in my discontent, it seems some people have other ideas. As my head lazily lulls over to the side to see the office, I find pair of legs in front of my vision, one knee smartly brought over the other as two hands sit atop them."
"Shizune looks down at me past her glasses, her stare more analytical than judgemental. Glancing around, it looks like she and I are the only ones here right now."
mik "Of all the people to greet me, it had to be the one I can't even communicate with..."
"She produces a notepad and pen from her lap, placing them both on my chest before resuming her previous posture."
"Ah, I see. By giving me these without telling me what to write, she wants to see how I'll explain myself."
"Given that I can't see any way of talking my way out this, I sit up with a pained grunt and set the pad in my lap. Knowing my voice to be useless here, I silently scrawl away in my usual horrid handwriting, giving the items back to her afterwards."
mik "[I fucked up.]"
"She quickly writes her short reply, our method of communication settled as she hands the nodepad and pen back."
shi "[It would seem so.]"
"So she want to be my scratching post. While I can't say her presence thrills me, at least she's not going to give me a lecture."
"Writing like this to talk between each other forces you to think before you say anything. It's not natural for me, so I end up keeping my side of the conversation brief."
mik "[Mutou put you up to checking on me?]"
shi "[Your cynicism is duly noted, but I came of my own accord.]"
mik "[How much do you know?]"
"She just looks at me disapprovingly before handing the notepad straight back. Right, stupid question."
mik "[Am I done for?]"
shi "[That hasn't been decided yet. Suffice to say, you are not a popular person right now.]"
"That's fair enough; expelling a student is hardly a quick process. The idea fills me with dread, but after having been so graciously given a second chance when the entire staff were so set against me, I don't feel that I have any right to argue against it."
mik "[I guess your little project went pretty bad, huh?]"
"Woah, she's actually pretty scary when she's pissed. I shrink back into my bed as she furiously scribbles, gingerly taking the notepad and pen as she thrusts them at me. It seems to have been somewhat cathartic, as she settles down a but after huffing in displeasure."
shi "[I didn't defend you back then out of mercy or some desire to play student counsellor. I felt the attitude of the teachers towards you was unjust. Which students were involved doesn't matter.]"
"So I'm nothing special to her, but just another person who happened to be unfairly treated. In a way, that actually makes me like her a little more."
"Evidently sick of waiting for me to make a response, Shizune takes back her notepad once more."
shi "[You should stop thinking about yourself.]"
"Shit, Suzu! There's no way word about all this wouldn't have reached her by now. There's also the fact that probably damn near half the school knows about the two of us being together as well thanks to Yukio's big mouth, despite her wanting to keep it on the down-low."
"Noticing my regret, Shizune quickly adds more text."
shi "[Suzuki also came to check on how you were. I don't think I need to explain her reaction.]"
mik "I really did fuck up..."
"Of all the people I never wanted to hurt, she was at the top, but I couldn't even manage that. She offers me the notepad, but there's little point in taking it."
shi "[If there's nothing else, I'll leave you in peace.]"
mik "[Thanks for bothering to come, and give Misha my regards.]"
"I manage, somehow, to eke out a smile. Satisfied, she picks herself up and begins to leave with a curt bow, though holds up one final note after a brief moment of thought."
shi "[If you wish, I'll tell Suzu you're okay. I have no intention of meddling in your relationship any further, mind.]"
"I know it's the easy way out, but I swallow my pride and give her a nod. I can't even think of what I'd tell her, after all."
"As Shizune closes the door behind her, I let myself fall back into my bed."
"I guess this means Suzu's seen with her own eyes how wrong she was."
"So what if I made myself useful to her or not? I spent so long trying to distract myself from the crap I'd done, that I pushed aside all those I'd caused pain to. What right do I have to ask for forgiveness, when I was the one who inflicted all of this the first place."
"'There's no such thing as good people or bad people.' What a load of idealistic rubbish."
"In the end, I was right. I really am a horrible person."