Nests are symbolic of the sacred places inside us, where we collect our invested meaning from the physical world. The hollow form of a human hand creates an opportunity to view these sacred places inside us-- the internal space which holds these sacred collections-- in the form of a nest, visible inside. The form follows the lines of a tree branch which supports it, in its extending gesture outward towards a giving expression. In the palm rests a branch holding small objects from the natural world-- an acorn, a leaf, a rock-- the physical objects from the external world which can filter from the outside world into our inner world, and there spread their meaning, in a place beyond words. It is my hope that these representations of inner and external space, of nests and new creations, and the physical body will reveal these invisible meanings, and connect us with a new way of reading the space around us, inside us, and the people which inhabit it.

In the words of Walt Whitman:

To be in any form, what is that?

(Round and round we go, all of us, and ever come back

thither,)

If nothing lay more develop'd the quahaug in its callous shell

were enough.

Mine is no callous shell,

I have instant conductors all over me whether I pass or stop,

They seize every object and lead it harmlessly through me.

I merely stir, press, feel with my fingers, and am happy

...

All truths wait in all things,

...

they are to branch boundlessly out of that lesson until it

becomes omnific.

-Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

In the future, I plan to take these ideas into steps further, and create a, or several, full-scale human forms in this fashion, with these ideas of internal and external space, branching, and nests in mind, and install them outside in relation with physical living trees. It is my intention to hopefully inspire an experience which may change the way people read the world around them and inside them through the use of full-size human form in relation with these natural spaces often overlooked, and reveal inner truths inside them. I am so excited for where this journey is leading me, and all that is to come :) Thank you for all that this class has been and meant for me!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

With the end of our class nearing, I wanted to reflected on the perceptions of story-telling that we were asked to consider: traditional books, ebooks, videos, blogs, and other mediums for storing and sharing information. What I've realized is that these creations do not need to conquer each other (unless, maybe, you are sitting in a publisher's chair); I believe that they will maintain and grow in their own spheres, perhaps branching off into new subsets we have yet to imagine. It is up to the user to choose what type of storyworld they want to enter. Is it one that they can watch on a screen where the physical descriptions of characters are made clear by the casted actors? Is it the opinion of an unnamed man out in Nebraska writing about a garden design on blogger? Is is it the first page of a Dickens's story? I don't think it's important to define what is the best way of communication, it is just important to allow for multiple ways for stories to thrive. If the user values story-telling and have the privledged choice to picking how they view it, why does there need to be a conclusion on the value of an ebook versus print?There doesn't. And as an aspiring writer, these considerations have made me more open-minded to the types of things I hope to make. So far, I have stuck to traditional short stories and poetry, but taking on a project that required me to learn a bit about filmmaking makes me more excited to collaborate with others in this medium. It seems that we are in a time of transition, a time where access to stories and creative collaboration is easier than ever. Instead of defining it, we should enjoy the newness and fullness of it all. Doing so may reveal parts of ourselves that we did not think could be touched. It is the same as teaching too much theory squashing the enjoyment of literature, too much theory could blind us to what is really happening with technological changes. As is written in Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami,“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine."

Thursday, April 11, 2013

So I know I haven't blogged in a while, but that's because I have been spending time on my books and final project. I spent today's class in the printing studio to print out photos for my project which you will all see! I've come up with an idea to use the photos in my book and a sort of map/web which you will all see. Many of them will be connected in certain ways as you will see!

Here's a post from my blog, and the link to my blog for anyone interested:
adventuresinbookmaking.tumblr.com

Trying to figure out how this is going to work… just realized I have to be at the hospital all night before my presentation. I hope I can get all my drawings done in time, and I hope the henna comes in the mail by then!!!

I guess I shouldn’t freak out. If it doesn’t work out, I can always do the drawings later and take pictures to show the class.

I have once again decided to take my project in a bit of a different direction. I had originally planned to write out a few lines of poetry or something to that effect to go along with each picture. Now I’m thinking just one word would be more poignant and effective. For the hand picture, “hold”. Lung will be “breathe”. I want to also do like ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus and maybe use “life” as the word? Or… hmm. Is that the right word for it? Or “female” or “woman”. I kinda like “woman” actually. That might change, we’ll see. Heart… hmm. I want to kind of say “feel” or “love”. Even though I know that obviously our hearts have absolutely nothing to do with feelings or love, people always say you feel with your heart and think with your head. And honestly, even though anatomically I know exactly (and I do mean exactly… you can’t possibly know the hourrrrrrs I’ve spent learning the circulatory system haha) how the heart works, I am the sort of person who generally relies more on feelings. I know that sometimes logical thought is the better course of action, and many of the mistakes I’ve made in my life have come from me being too hasty to make decisions based on how I feel. But I also think that some of the best decisions I’ve made have been based on feelings. Yeah, I think “feel” is a good word for the heart. Brain stem will probably be “know”.

I think I’ve just had a revelation about how I’m going to present this. I think I’m going to talk about how, even though as humans we all have these same internal structures that more or less look and function in the same way, all of them mean such different things to us based on our own personal selves. Everyone’s hands have held different people and things and done all different sorts of work whether it’s art or medicine or cooking or writing or anything! Lord knows our hearts feel different things and our heads know different things. Sex organs… everyone feels differently about those. Personally, I think, or rather I know, that hormones have played a huge role in my life. I have a condition where I get cysts on my ovaries, I’ve had it all my life (it’s called PCOS). It’s caused be an overexposure to hormones while in utero. Interestingly enough, 40% of women with PCOS are lesbians, which I think is probably a huge reason behind my being gay. That’s kind of another story though… I think heart and head and every aspect of my life plays into that as well. But, there’s no denying that sex organs/hormones have played a role. They’re also integral, to me, because having a feminine body I think has developed my sense of gender over the course of my life. In that sense I definitely have a positive view of that area of my body. I know though, that for many people, their sense of self doesn’t match up with the sex organs they possess (which I think is really sad). So they could absolutely be viewed by some in a negative light.

Ok now I need to go jot down some notes on what I’m going to say for this presentation. I’m glad that all just came to me!

I was nervous about how I have been using my time. Time seems to slip away so fast and what moments you use it for must be important or else that time has been wasted. I have not been blogging as much, and in some ways I worried about that. I have been using most of my time these past few weeks to work on my final project (which still remains unnamed), and I think the action I have taken in this situation was the right thing for me.

I find that I tend to base what is an important use of my time on action. I prefer to do something with my time instead of talk or write about it. That, of course, is not completely true, as that philosophy does not at all apply to my love for writing poetry or having long, meaningful conversations with friends, family and peers. I only suggest that when it comes to creating something, the best way to move forward is to take action and do something.

I have been doing a lot with my project, but not writing about it very much. I believe that is fine for myself. Something that I have always believed since high school has been "who cares about grades as long as you are learning something." I am more than a grade in a grade book, and just because a grade is what the teacher thinks I deserve in terms of the class standards, if I know that I learned something, then that is all that matters.

My good friends Kevin is taking a class right now called Bad Homos. Neither him nor I really understand what that name means. Kevin has explained to me many times how much he loves the class and how it has affected him and helped him grow this semester. He has also explained to me that his grade in the class is pretty awful somehow...his grade will be determined by the teacher, but what he got out of the class can only be determined by him, and I think what he has learned has nothing to do with a stupid grade.

What I'm trying to say is that I was nervous because the main criteria of this class is the journey we take, and there is only literal evidence of that journey if we take the time to reflect upon it in words...which I have not been doing as much. But, what I am also saying is that although there may not be written evidence of the journey I have taken through this class, I know personally what I have learned and the journey that I have taken. The hard work I have been putting into my project is journey enough for me. I have learned from an hours worth of editing a twenty second clip of film what I learn from a days worth of blogging.