Tag Archives: rants

I gotta be honest here. Life is sucking pretty bad right now. There are many reasons, but collectively they stem from one: Being psychologically and physically addicted to smoking cigarettes. I’ve fucked up in a lot of different ways related to that. Going into detail on how ain’t gonna happen here. That is between Psycho-Momia and I. But I will say that every fucking day, I find a new way that I’ve hurt her and the girls by continuing to feed the addiction.

If you don’t think smoking is as bad as say, heroin, you are wrong. Not preaching, just venting, and organizing my thoughts here…

It may not kill you as quickly, and most people won’t literally kill for a smoke, but it hurts you and those you love just as much.

I cannot fix the past. I cannot right the wrongs I’ve done. I can’t even ask for forgiveness.

I can hope to not allow these things to happen in the future.

I’m angry. With the unnamed girl who literally stuck a lit cigarette in my mouth at 15. I’m angry with the adults around me who smoked like chimneys, allowing a deep grained perception that it was ok.

Mostly I’m angry with myself. For not staying quit when I did it 20 years ago, for being too “weak” to resist it, for lying to myself about it. For lying about it to the ones I love. For breaking hearts…

That’s enough for now. Losing control… and I don’t want to explain to the girls why I’m crying.

Setting the scene:
On our way back from the Local Big Chain Pet Supply Store, where we had just inquired after a cat in need of adoption. The whole famn damily in Psycho-Momia‘s ride (because Tattooed Dad‘s car is too small to comfortably fit all of us in). Oldest daughter and MBW (AKA Psycho-Momia, in case you were confused) are discussing the options for dinner. “Momma, I wish we could go out for dinner.” “I’m sorry, honey, we don’t really have the money for that today” sez Psycho-Momia. Oldest daughter: “Awww, I wish we did. Momma, I’ll give you some of my monies, and then we can go…”Tattooed Dad smiles and cries a bit.
Smiles because even though she doesn’t really have a grasp of money or value, she does know what’s hers, and was willing to share it.

Cries because you shouldn’t have to say no to a simple request like that.
It’s one of the challenges that comes with the decision to keep the kids at home and only work part-time. You simply don’t have the jing jang to spare for frivolous spending like that.

(may I take a short moment here and remind you of the little store link above? Thank you….)

Other things that are challenging are getting to spend enough time with your partner. You end up trying to cram a weeks worth of idle talk, important things, and intimacy into Just a few hours. Not the best situation for the adults.

I’ve come to realize over the last few years, that the best routes for raising children require massive sacrifices from the parents. And that, I think is the reason for so many people taking the “easy way out” and dumping their kids into day care. Day care is easier than giving up the weekly hairdo and tanning salon, or the season tickets to whatever bread and circus they subscribe to.

Fuck’em. I’ve made the right choices, of that I’m sure.

Speaking of that, Ray – I commend you on you career change and choice. You too, Linda for supporting that.

Anyway….

Until next time, I’ll leave you with a teaser…
Damn Squirrels!

Sometime soon, there may just be a way for you to get something for free from me.
Stay tuned, my faithful readers (all 3 of you….)

I’m sure you have all been waiting with baited breath to see what I have to say about this clusterfuck.

First and foremost:
My sympathies to the Family and friends of those who died. All of them.
Nothing I can say will ease your sorrow…

Second:
A big FUCK OFF to the university officials for choosing to notify students and faculty via email. WTF were they thinking? Yes, it’s a tech school. But, fuck, even I go a couple of hours at time without access to email.

Third:
A large fuck you to MSM for sensationalizing it. On the scene, breaking news, recapping, Eyewitness accounts, fuck you! Leave these people to their grief and shock. Ever hear of the copycat effect? The more you put it out there, the more likely it is that some other poor disturbed individual will climb a water tower.

Fourth:
Shut the hell up, you neo-hippy pacifist pantywaists who are using this as an example of why we need stricter gun control. Stricter gun control will mean that it is even harder to control access to guns. When things go into the shadows, there is no light to see.

Fifth: As a parent, I can’t imagine the pain. There is no safety anywhere. There never has been, and there never will be. All we can do is teach our kids as best as we can, and love them more than we can.