07 October 2012

George Costanza Obama

M2RB: Cher

So ghey...

In an episode of Seinfeld, George is at a cocktail party and pigging out on shrimp cocktail. As a result of the Georgegorgearama, one of his coworkers levels a stinging rebuke at him, which reduces him to a state of um-hum-uminum. Unable to think of a retort, he spends the next few days reliving the event and conjuring up the "perfect" razzmatazzy comeback that will turn the evil quick-draw wit to a heap of babbling Joe Bidens. Once he believes that he has hit upon his "Eureeeeka!" takedown, he flies around the country...chasing the evil Fat-Cat-Putdowner...waiting for that perfect moment when, at last, he, George the Magnificent, Slayer of the Slicksters, Destroyer of the Devilish, would get his chance to deliver with devastating aplomb the knockout retort to his nemesis. (For a more detailed account of the episode, see below).

This is what Obama and his minions have been doing ever since
Wednesday's Mile High Massacre. Unfortunately for them, more than 60
million Americans witnessed the crushing and the credits had already
rolled and been stored in The Newseum by the time any of their "perfect
comebacks" were delivered to an audience experiencing George's
"Hampton's shrinkage problem."

"I was
in the pool! I was in the pool! Ordinarily
I wouldn't mind (being caught naked), but..."

"But
what?"

"Well, I
just got back from swimming in the pool. And the water
was cold..."

"Oh, you
mean... Shrinkage."

"Yes.
Significant shrinkage."

"So you
feel you were shortchanged."

"Yes. I
mean, if she thinks that's me, she's under a complete
misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. That was not
me."

"Do
women know about shrinkage?"

"What do
you mean, like laundry?"

"No..."

"Like
when a man goes swimming... Afterwards..."

"It
shrinks?"

"Like a
frightened turtle."

"Why
does it shrink?"

"It just
does."

"I don't
know how you guys walk around with those things."

- George,
Elaine and Jerry, in "The Hamptons"

George's Comeback

George Costanza has a conflict with one of his coworkers at the New York Yankees named Reilly (Joel Polis). When Reilly notices George stuffing himself with shrimp cocktail
at a meeting, he remarks: "Hey George, the ocean called; they're
running out of shrimp." Slow-witted George cannot think of a comeback
until later, while driving to the tennis club to meet Jerry. His
comeback is: "Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of
you." George becomes obsessed with recreating the encounter so that he
can make use of his comeback.

Jerry, Elaine and Kramer disapprove of "jerk store" as a comeback
mainly because "there are no jerk stores." Elaine suggests, "Your
cranium called. It's got some space to rent." Jerry offers, "The zoo
called. You're due back by six." Kramer finally suggests that George
simply tell Reilly that he slept with his wife.

After discovering that Reilly was let go from the Yankees and now works for Firestone, George flies to Akron, Ohio,
sets up a meeting, and brings a tray of shrimp just to try out the jerk
store line. When he says it, however, Reilly shoots back with "What's
the difference? You're their all-time best seller." George, unprepared
for this ends up using Kramer's line, "Yeah? Well I had sex with your
wife!" He is then told that Reilly's wife is in a coma.

During the end credits, George is seen driving away from the airport
back in New York, muttering to himself that he could not think of
another comeback, when he utters, "The life support machine called...", and in an ecstatic fit, whips his car into a U-turn
to head back to the airport and fly back to Firestone to deliver yet
another comeback, all the while yelling out "You're beat, Reilly! You
just screwed yourself!"