Saturday, November 29

Sorry guys I've been awhile for way too long. Its been really a hectic month for me. Not to mention Christmas is coming as well. As usual I just got back from my holiday in Busan Korea. I could just practically live there anyway. lol Its so much fun in Korea. Cause the food is so good and no one knows who I am. haha

After I've got back from Korea its even stressful for me. Because we've been preparing for UMS graduation shooting for 1 month. Once I'm back I went for a photo shooting spree for 3 freaking days. Not to mention we had the worst experience ever occurred (will talk that into another post) I even got allergic reaction for being under the sun (heat) for too long with sweats.

Oh and I finally found a guy that messed my emotion up. I couldn't forget him yet couldn't get a grasp of him. As if we don't have fate. I tried to meet him in a various way but things didn't turn out that way. There's always things that prevent us to meet each other. I wonder why!?

December in 1 more day. I couldn't catch up everything. Its moving way too fast right now. So little time yet so much work to do. My day is not enough. I need longer time, longer time to think thoroughly. Caroling is around the corner. Christmas is approaching. Catching up with my photography. Work is okay as for now but the amount of work doesn't seems to decrease at all. My church friend is getting married. I'm going to attend my colleagues wedding tomorrow.

I felt like I'm a little stuck in the past. I always wanted to stay like we used to. Because that's how I'm comfortable with. But I'm not moving forward. Now that things are moving forward so quickly it scares me a lot. Because I can't move forward being an adult it scares me so much. I long to have a relationship but I'm afraid, because I don't want to move on where I have to get married and settle down. I want to move forward alone yet wants a person to accompany me the rest of my life. I'm a selfish human. That's why I need a little break from reality cause its scary. I still have the means of running away from reality anytime anywhere.

Sunday, November 9

We took the first glance together as I entered the room. He looked in a surprise way. I noticed and avoided more of eye contact. We played games in a group. I chose monkey. He knew I chose monkey but he kept on calling monkey. Pretentiously as if I'd never knew I noticed his intention. We started with nothing more of that. Until the session ended everyone started talking and chit chatting.

We walked together in a group outside, he was trying to catch up with me, so in the end he was walking beside me. They even stop for awhile to discuss about the next session of chatting. I was standing alone with my friend. He's trying to approach me even though he was talking with his friends. So I ended up joining them for the second session of chatting.

We saw each other outside the cafe. He's definitely looking even more surprised cause he never thought I would be joining them. Of course I tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible. He then handed his hand out and show his interest with a small introduction of ourselves when I've approached to the table. He sat in front of me. I was quite surprised that he took initiative to introduced him to me. I knew his name but he pretentiously saying the wrong name even my friend find it weird. Obviously he's trying to play cool.

He tried to talked to me. Asking various question. He was wondering if I'd ever went to the youth previously. I'd said yes but I've never join the second session of chatting. I knew he looked in my way lots of time. I noticed. While they were having conversation he continuously involving me into it. Finding excuses to talk to me and trying to clear some misunderstanding.

The chatting session ended up pretty late because we're chatting & listening to so much stories. While I was waiting for them to finished up their last chatting he approached me. Asked me who I'd be following back. Once I've told him we silence for awhile. So I turned and approached my friend instead to avoid being awkward.

Then everyone of us went to car park. I was surprised that he follow us when he should be car pooling with his friends. Instead he follow my friend and I. I was really surprised. He purposely asked my friend if there's anyone follow her car when he obviously knew that I'm car pooling as well. So apparently we went back together. I knew he kept talking and calling my name over and over trying to make me talk while were in the car. I just don't felt like talking at all. Cause I'm too nervous and I can't think straight. We parted with a goodbye.

With just one night. He messed up my thoughts and mind so much. I may not describe it perfectly here but his intention is visible and noticeable. I just let my mind run wild because it will eventually be forgotten. I talked about this with my close friends. They were happy for me but I find it obnoxious. I'm denying and refuse the fact that he's interested in me.

Cause its probably one sided and I'm afraid of changes, afraid of love and being loved. I'm not ready to be involved in such relationship cause I will fall apart even earlier and faster. I'll just deny everything until everything is clear. I probably couldn't even concentrate with anything right now. With work and my passion all the stuff is happening right now is so much to handle. I'll broke down anytime soon. I want to run away again.

Thursday, October 16

I don't know how to feel lately. I felt like I'm in a dreamland yet my body is in reality. Its in separate life. You know, mind and body is separating apart kinda feeling. I work too hard apparently. SAID NO ONE EVER. LOL I find myself worked up too hard. I've been working since July till now, it was really the best place to work at. I have the best supervisor ever. She's like my sister lol. Not really. Since I've barely even work for 3 months I've made a lot of mistake. Like really a lot. But luckily my supervisor is really patient and nice with me. I don't have any conflict or anything during work. Just careless mistake.

Its been like these since I've start working. Even tho its really productive but I can't seems to concentrate or be detail enough. You know being in account department was really tough when I'm the one who handle it alone with my supervisor. Its like super easy to lose concentration especially when the workload suddenly increase or the bosses is in weird period for demanding documents. Its been stressful days as well but I don't hate. Maybe because I'm busy it kept me occupied so I don't have time to slack of being unproductive. Now that I don't hate working but it doesn't mean I still like work as account. So yeah.....

I'm still preoccupied with my passion as a photography. I'm still learning. I have a thousand miles to go. I've tried all sort of shoot like weddings and portraits. For wedding shoot I still have a long way to go. My most favorite shoot is still on portraits. You know, the intense stares, the laugh, the sad, the lonely, the happy, the emotional, ones are so easy to see through in portraits shot yet it portray different meaning to it. I just hope my passion become my real life time work! Working hard right now!

Not to mention I'm going to fly to KOREA again next month! Less than a month from now! Super freaking excited man. Oh how I miss Korea! The food, the air, the people, the underground station lol. I can't wait for a sweet escape! My life have been so amazing! Filled with work and excitement in the same time. Feeling so blessed in so many ways. Thank God for everything. I think I felt the most blessed ones. No joke. Going through ups and down from mentality and physically alone is tough. I'm blessed, so blessed. Always go for positive way! Hwaiting!

8. Not scared of insect only scared when it appeared suddenly, I even accidentally crushed cockroach with my bare foot.

9. I love to travel so much that this year I've traveled to Penang, Langkawi, Kuching, KL & Seoul not to mention I'm travelling to Busan this coming November & HK next year March! FTW TRAVEL!

10. Singing when I'm sick sound the best.

11. Huge fan of reading amazing manga! I think I don't even reach half being Otaku. Being 100% Otaku means remembering all the names of the manga, their character & collect lots of manga books or their limited edition merchandise. I'm nowhere being an Otaku. hahaha

12. Love watching reality show KUWTK. BEST!

13. I tend to walk really fast when I'm alone running errands or shopping cause I always thought that being alone would be dangerous like in drama. lol but true.

Monday, September 1

Its been an overwhelming month of August! From my new job environment, birthday & my part time as freelance photographer. I'm so thankful for everything that happened right now. As for my job, its been great, I really love the environment that make me work harder than the previous one. It motivates me even more when people is stabbing me behind right from the start lol. No matter how high or low is our position held in a company there's always people stabbing you unconsciously. I found this company quite a laughing stock for me. People here really work hard but they really like to back stab anyone when they have chances.

Cause the amount of work & pressure we are accepting, so taking advantages when there's chances. I always try to shut my mouth whenever I can. I hate talking about my private life to my colleague, it irritates me. That's why I always shut my mouth but only talk once a while is okay, that's' the environment I wanted. Peaceful even tho the amount of stabbing is a lot. I don't mind as long as it doesn't really hurt me in real life. I let go without hard feeling even when I did nothing wrong in my job. If I did mistake I accept the fact & apologies. I don't back stab without any reason. Funny people.

For my birthday, I finally hit 22. Casual family dinner, birthday wishes from friends & family. 22 sounds young but I feel old. I try not to feel old cause physically I will look old. Its just that my thinking was a little bit too matured for these age lol. I made wishes on a candle without a cake by myself. I never really celebrate my birthday with cakes except when I was younger & on my 21st birthday so don't judge me. Just a candle to make wishes is enough on my birthday hahaha.

I have been loving my part job as photographer so much. Best part was we are getting a lot more client than we expected. And that is definitely a blessing! Not to mention my partner who is good in socializing! She's the best for getting client. My partner do most of the talking cause I can't talk properly. I just nod or agree or gave few suggestion. I just can't speak out as a salesman, need to improve on that matter but we have been improving & learning a lot, so that we could provide our services professionally.

Upon meeting up with client & agreed on our package is really amazing. We are stepping up becoming better & known to others as well. I hope by the time it passed longer, part time will become full time! Finger crossed! I want to let people know that nothing is impossible! At first my family was pouring salt on my passion towards photography but gradually letting go & accepted it. I'm really happy right now despite being all depressed before. Moving forward is the hardest but rewarding! Staying true for what I've always wanted will definitely getting a fruitful result.

Tuesday, August 26

I don't know where to start. Work have been okay so far. It was also my first time bringing back work to home. It is not fun. I used up my entertainment & leisure at night just to finish up the deadlines I have. I'm not sure whether this is called hardworking or I'm just scared I'd get scold for not completing my task. I felt irritated for not completing my work properly in last minute time.

I wonder how manga/anime stories makes the wonder. These particular stories always have their hardworking main character that manage to solve all the problem, of course with effort and overnight workload. Now that I apply some of manga theories in real life. It does make sense in a way. Hardworking makes a success result, but its a lot harder to dealt with it.

"Life's a tune, that will always change." Till we go by Clara C. Sometimes it be sad, happy, anger or like a roller coaster ride.There's a lot of things going around, not sure if I could handle the sudden roller coaster ride. I'm tired.

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Oh I went for DPP(Digital Photo Professional) class last weekend. IT WAS MIND BLOWN! Not really lah, but knowledge added up! Yay for me. I finally knew how to use RAW image which wouldn't spoil the resolution but to enhance the picture even better. My life feels complete with these knowledge, cause I've been really frustrated with jpeg resolution especially the editing part which crack up my image.

But now that with this software I'm invincible!! lol not really. I still have to go through proper training & practice to improve myself. DETERMINATION! Going for basic class on Oct 4 btw. Canon is having these basic, essential or DPP class every occasionally. So check out their website if you wish to join their class to improve yourself in photography! I felt so happy when I'm involved with photography! Dream & passion is just important as it is.

Sunday, August 17

First of all I want to thank God that I'm still alive and have been blessed in so many ways. For all the people that wished me I'm thankful. Thank you Queen B. I have been really emotional lately. Little words makes me all teary. Its been a roller coaster ride for these past 2 years. From working, time, family & friends, emotion and a lot more. I always told myself that I have no more time, as if I'm going to die anytime.

So whatever decision I've made have been the most struggling. Because every time I looked at people, I wonder what were they thinking? Do they even have passion or dream to strive for? Why going for a save path & settle down? I've been envision big achievement and success. Doing for passion & live life to the fullest is my motto.

To tell you guys the truth, I'm so scared of these path I'm going through right now. I'm so scared that my vision will fall apart and most importantly changes. But I still want to experience harsh critic & failure. Because I want to stand even taller than right now. Things have been really smooth lately with my passion as freelance photography. I do hope it will go on better as well.

This year's Birthday wishes makes the hardest wish to wished for. As a human we are a greedy person. We want this, we want that, we want everything. I myself is a greedy person. I want to wish a lot, career, love, family & friends, & world. I wonder what will I wish for this year??

Just like the song The Walker by Fitz & The Tantrums "Feel it in my soul, Really mean it mean it, Gotta feel it your heart it takes control" I have to feel it through my heart & let it make the decision for what I really wanted for all. Was it for myself or for other people? I have so many to wish for. But this year I'm going to wish for something stupid.