Mary goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Mary walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”
“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.
“Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

Three lunatics attempting to escape from a mental hospital; the first one passes the guard, makes a sound of a cat, and continues. The second one does exactly the same, meowing like a cat, and gets out, too. The third then passes near the guard and yell, “I’m a cat, too!”

"Doctor, doctor I feel like a bridge"
"What’s come over you”?
"Two cars a truck and a coach"

#14499

Thanks to:
Anonymous
rec.:Jan/13/2005 pub.:Jan/25/2005

Ranking:
2.62 / 50

Visiting a genealogist, a man asked how much it would cost to have his family tree traced. “It could cost thousands of dollars,” said the woman. “I see. Well, isn’t there an easier way? A less expensive way?” “Sure,” she replied. “Run for president.”