life is great, except for one small thing….

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Yesterday, I was sick, so I took some time to look through some of the listings of infertility blogs. There are lots of them, and I was hoping to follow a few.

Many of them have been abandoned, as blogging is hard work and people aren’t always that interested in dealing with it in an ongoing way. It’s interesting to note that often, they seem to have been abandoned right after a two week wait. Maybe the writer got pregnant. Maybe the writer just gave up. We might never know. I didn’t follow any of those.

Of those that are still going, many of them have turned into mommy blogs. Not that I blame them – and they’re cute, with beautiful babies and families and happiness. I honestly didn’t follow any of these either.

There’s a small subset, though, that were abandoned after a successful pregnancy, but where the writers left a lasting note – something for people who might stumble upon the blog to read. I wanted to post two of them here, with links, as inspiration.

So I have completely forgotten about this blog, and now it’s YEARS later. I thought it would be nice for those who stumble across this depressing blog to know where I’m at.

After years of trying naturally, countless IUIs, and a failed IVF round, I finally got pregnant after an FET (frozen embryo transplant). And what do you know, I had twins. A boy and girl born August 2010. They are 19 months as I type this and the joys of my life. Unfortunately I don’t have the time to write about them or the rest of the infertility journey, but for those of you who struggle, there is hope. It sucks, it hurts, and no one can ever understand the pain we go through, but keep at it. Because the end result is worth every single tear we cry. [Being Veggie and Wanting a Baby]

Have you ever heard someone talking about their dream coming true and thought to yourself, lucky them; that’ll never happen to me. Have you ever wanted something so badly you’d go to the ends of the earth for it? Have you ever begged God to give you that something? Have you ever hated Him when his answer was no, not yet, or just silence?

Do you think you’re the only one – that you’re alone?

There’s a blog I’ve followed for a couple of years. The writer has DOR also. Her first and second IVF attempts failed and her third was successful with only one embryo to transfer, only one chance. When I read her pregnancy announcement post I thought, well good for her. She’s so lucky. But that will never be me.

When it became apparent IVF was our best option we jumped into it, and into our savings account, eyes closed, breath held. When it didn’t work I left the career and the people I loved for a job I didn’t love, 50 miles away, all for the sake of IVF coverage.

In my prayer journals of the past several years everyday contains the same prayer: please God, let this work. And then the same lamentations: Why? Where are You?

Two weeks ago our son was born. He was born healthy and without complication. My dream come true; my end of the earth; my answered prayer. If you’re reading this there’s a good chance you don’t think it’ll ever happen for you, even though you’d do anything. You don’t think God is listening. You think you’re alone. But I bet there is at least one other person praying for you. I bet there is a small voice inside that still believes. I bet that someday you’ll have your own epilogue that is so awesome, so amazing and awe-inspiring that you won’t have words to say to describe it, so instead you’ll just marvel in it and you’ll say, this is my dream come true; my end of the earth, my answered prayer. [Diary of a Mad Infertile Woman]

This stuff is hard. Reading stuff like this, from people who went through it and got to the other side – it helps.