Jersey Shore

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino isn’t known so much for wearing clothes as he is for yanking them off in public settings to reveal his abs. Consider the fact that he occasionally has star shapes buzzed into his hair, and it’s no surprise that clothing companies aren’t lining up to make him the latest style icon. But Abercrombie and Fitch have gone one step further: they have offered to pay the Jersey Shore star to NOT wear their clothes! The preppie brand has offered The Sitch a “substantial financial payout,” to not be seen in public donning their duds. That’s harsh, guys!

Last year the clothing brand was all about reality star, even selling a with the phrase “The Fitchuation” emblazoned across it. But now it looks like relations between the pairing have soured. Abercrombie issued a statement yesterday saying, “We believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans.” This is kinda true, we do get somewhat distressed by the sight of The Situation. But still! They continued by saying that they were “deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino’s association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image.” And thus, the brand of clothes favored by the cool kids in high school are excluding peeps once again. Way to keep up the image, guys. Don’t take the deal, Mike!

(It’s that time of year again! Welcome to TheFABlife Bikini Awards, where we pit half-naked celebs against each other and you vote for the finest skin-flaunter of the summer of 2011.)

Voting is now closed. Thanks for participating!

MTV and VH1 sure knows how to pick ‘em, eh? All the gorgeous ladies in our Reality Junkies category have done a stint on one — or both — of the networks. Whether they’re on the Shore or in Malibu, these women know how to werk it. But who’s the finest — Whitney Port, Heidi Montag, Deena Cortese or Audrina Patridge?

Not content with merely being a a stomach flashing reality tycoon, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino wants a chance to flex his acting muscles, which he seems to think are as big as his biceps. In fact, he wants to follow in the footsteps of great thespians like Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Leonardo DiCaprio…and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Let’s aim for The Rock and see what happens, Mike. To be fair, he does have some similarities with this list of masters. He shares the Italian heritage with Rob, Al and Leo, and both The Sitch and The Rock are known for being shirtless. Plus they both have “The” in their names. He’ll be a natural!

He recently opened up to In Touch Onlineabout his next career move. “Obviously, I look up to De Niro and Pacino, and for someone who’s closer in age Leo [DiCaprio] — I’d eventually like to make great movies someday,” told “But I’m trying to go in a trajectory similar to ‘The Rock,’ [Dwayne Johnson], who took his bold personality and phrases from the WWE into film.” We’re not sure if you can jump from the Rock track to the De Niro track, but Mike’s sure gonna try! He’s making his acting debut with a cameo in the upcoming Three Stooges remake. Maybe someday he’ll be trading those vodka bottles for Oscars.

So many stooges, so little rational sense behind this casting choice: as if they didn’t have enough foot-stomping, nose-pulling and head-slapping already, the Jersey Shore cast’s Three Stooges cameo will have the thespians of Seaside Heights joining such illustrious costars as Jane Lynch, Larry David and Sofia Vergara for a reboot of the classic comedy trio. The casting choice seems like a baffling decision. That being said, if the trailer shows Snooki kicking herself around in a circle on the floor yelling, “Whoo whoo whoo!,” we would pay to see this movie in 3-D.

As Sammi told Access Hollywood, Ã¢â‚¬Å“Like, you never know. Like, I actually enjoyed acting, and I enjoyed being a part of it, so I would love to see what the future holds, whether itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s acting or something else.Ã¢â‚¬Â Explained JWoww, Ã¢â‚¬Å“For the Farrelly Bros. to say how well we did, it gives me chills.” Us too, but only when we think about all the eyes that must have been gouged while they were on-set.

The Situation has big plans for your wardrobe post-T-shirt Time. According to TMZ The Situation is selling tuxedos, and no, we don’t mean of the Canadian variety. We’d bet real money that at least a few come complete with a rhinestone-studded stylized dragon, though. The Jersey Shore star has reportedly signed a contract with FLOW Formal to put out a line of tuxes for 2012 titled, of course, “The Situation.” No word on whether the jackets have a built-in drawstring that can be quickly tugged to reveal your abs. If not, consider that idea copyrighted by us.

Then, of course, there’s the fact that the Sitch’s deal netted him over $100,000. It doesn’t surprise us, though; we’re all but numb to the fortunes amassed by Snooks and the gang. Says FLOW’s CEO Brian Weintraub, “This is great for us and great for the industry. [Tuxedos have] become an old man thing.” Now they’re a thing for the modern gentleman, the type of guy who wants to look and feel refined as he lets JWOWW‘s dogs poop all over the house before hiding upstairs, giggling maniacally.

Not that kind of Bunny, guys! We’re talking actual ‘rabbit’ because that’s what Snooki channeled while leaving the Jersey Shore house. Snooki decided to wear a giant Playboy Bunny Head for her grand exit yesterday, possibly because she was crying as they wrapped the season. Awww.

That video of Snookidrunkenly dancing with a potted plant must have impressed the Dancing With The Stars producers, because now they’re apparently trying to hire her. US Weekly reports that ABC has asked the fun sized Snickers to bust a move when the show returns for its 13th season on September 19th. Did they at least have the courtesy to ask the potted plant, too?

Also being courted to tread the boards are Rob Kardashian and Christine Milian. Will The Snookster fare better than fellow fist pumper Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, who lasted only four weeks before being eliminated? Or will she take the Bristol Palin route and enrage viewers so much that they shoot their television sets to make the dancing stop? We’re not sure, but considering we’re tempted to shoot our TVs whenever Jersey Shore comes on, we can take a guess…

Remember when it seemed like a great idea to get a bunch of Italian-Americans together to live in a house and have their lives taped to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting drunk? Yeah, we don’t either. The Jersey Shore machine shows no sign of slowing down, and for their upcoming 4th season MTV dropped them in Italy, of course, because there is no better TV than watching a bunch of Americans embarrass themselves in the middle of a country full of hot people on mopeds who may or may not share a great-great-great-great-great-grandfather with someone who calls himself The Situation.

Judging from the trailer for the new season, the cast is even louder, tanner, hornier, gassier, drunker and fist-bumpier than when we last saw them in the States. Also: way more physically violent with each other. Yay? Even weirder: Sammi is barely in the trailer. Is she just not featured much on the season or does something weird go down and producers are trying to avoid spoilers?

Ah, Vinny: the Jersey Shore’s forgotten child. Not quite as naively insane as Snooki, not so genuinely douche-tacular as The Situation, but always ready to violently waffle between sweet lug and dead-eyed smoosh hunter. Alas, his days of fixing the downstairs toilet might be over, as according to TMZ Jersey Shore‘s Vinny Guadagnino packed up his bags Friday following a fight with a cast member (almost certainly Ronnie, right?) and high-tailed it back to to Staten Island. Vinny was reportedly feeling “burned out,” which, to complicate matters, is also a side effect of massive doses of self-tanner.

However, in case you’re suspecting a repeat of Sammi‘s infamous escape and return in JS season three, sources are reporting that is Vinny is out for good. “We don’t comment on series while they are in production but viewers can be assured they will have answers when Season 5 premieres,” MTV responded. However, a source allegedly told US Weekly, Ã¢â‚¬Å“I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think he will be back.” Of course we won’t be seeing season 5 for months, so by that time the only question we might need answered is, “Who will Snooki hopelessly pine for now?”