What’s That Thing You Do? We Love That Thing You Do! Do You? We Do! Ooh!

Ooh, another post’a questions I already answered on that thing they call Twitter. I’m so lazy, it’s nearly unbelievable! ‘Cept I know you’ll b’lieve just about anything of me. Like you’ll b’lieve I’m gonna answer yer questions in my next post. SWEAR.

But fer now, it’s time fer…

Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part III: The Achean Eon (That time when I said painfully ridiculous things in answer ta yer questions. Wait…that mighta been every eon. Whatever.)

…

@omgzombieswtf asks: Who’s the better current writer of you: Daniel Way or Mike Benson? Both brilliant bastards!
@omgzombieswtf I gotta say BENSON. Danny boy’s ok, but I’ll never fergive him fer Pool-o-vision. My brain’s a LOT more crazy than THAT.

@Jinxrave asks: Pirates or Ninjas? You can only choose one!
@Jinxrave Pirates, a’course. I’M a ninja, so I got no use fer more a’them around here. But I love guys who go, “Yaaarrrrrr” at everythin’.

@prescribeddrone asks: Do chongas like chimichangas?
@prescribeddrone Damned if I know – maybe ya should head down ta Miami an’ ask one.

@ToughTom asks: Whats your advice for training a zombie head of yourself?
@ToughTom Ya know, I’d start with LOTSA practice biting and headbutting. I mean, my zombie head rocks, but it’s got a kinda small skillset

@ToughTom We’re workin’ on our own “fastball special,” though – an’ ours is WAY better than the original.

@PissOnYouBitch asks: hey i got a question. what would have you thought of bruce campbell playing you in a movie back when he was younger
@PissOnYouBitch Bruce Campbell is a BAMF, so sure. Only thing I’d worry ’bout is his tendency ta kill zombies. I like my zombie head!

@HellrazerHD is confused: He says: Now I’ve seen everything … someone posing as the red and black attack on twitter.
@HellrazerHD No posin’ here, man. I’m the real deal. I got the scars ta prove it.

@HellrazerHD: @ask_deadpool good because the last guy I met dressed as deadpool was about 400 pounds and couldn’t speak a lick of english. makes u wonder
@HellrazerHD Wonder no more, my friend. Anyway, that was just Agent X messin’ with ya. He stole my *stretchy* uniform from Heroes Reborn.

@jamesdavidW asks: what happens when someone cuts off your head??? with a chainsaw
@jamesdavidW It smarts a little. ‘Specially after Bob puts my head back on my neck an’ it’s becomin’ attached ta me all over again.

@mrsmulwray asks: So, Deadpool, what are you going to get me for my birthday?
@mrsmulwray Go clubbin’ an’ I’ll take out a contract hit on ya. But the nice kind. Where all the guys hit on ya all night. You’ll love it!

@skeletontrees asks: so where are you taking me for our birthday on july 7? 😀
@skeletontrees Abraham Lincoln on a pogo stick, I forgot it’s our birthday in a few days! Uh, I gotta rappel down a mountain fer work.

@skeletontrees An’ then shoot somebody. Don’t ask. Wanna come? We can totally get chinese after the dude is dead.

@EXISTunicornsDO asks: Do you believe is unicorns??
@EXISTunicornsDO Nah, but I do believe in pictsies. Nasty little buggers! But handy in a fight!

@PissOnYouBitch asks: did you read your new series yet i picked it up today very nice by the way
@PissOnYouBitch What, you think I got time ta read all that – I gotta get my rockets ready fer tonight. BIG BOOM, BABY.

@Xanapanda asks: Just out of curiosity how much would it cost me to have you take out someone?
@Xanapanda First rule’a merc werc is I don’t talk bout how much I charge fer merc werc on here. But we could conduct a private negotiation

@Xanapanda: @Ask_Deadpool Oh sorry. I’ll keep that in mind from now on! Don’t want you to hurt me the next time. ^^; So where shall it take place then?
@Xanapanda Ever been ta Manhattan? There’s a handy abandoned warehouse we could chat in…

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: hey any news on deadpool movie havent looked in in a long time
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Here’s th’ latest: http://bit.ly/bhrbR

@miss_risible asks: So we’re wondering how RR will portray you, but what would YOU do if your boss [WHO U HATE(!!!)] proposed to YOU?!
@miss_risible Well I’m kinda freelance, but I think I’d fall on my ass if like, Nick Fury or Cable proposed ta me after hirin’ me…

@HellrazerHD asks: So is poolman a Mortal Kombat fan?
@HellrazerHD Well I WAS, until this whole Weapon XI thing…now I ain’t so sure. I guess I should blame FOX, not Mortal Kombat.

@Mark_Currie says: @Ask_Deadpool DC have stolen Ryan Reynolds away from us! You could kick Green Lantern’s cosmic butt any day.
@Mark_Currie Don’t I know it! I just hope #ryanreynolds is going to do BOTH. If he throws me over fer GL, we may be DONE, professionally.

@gil_garcia asks: is it just me or do you feel a little betrayed by Ryan Reynolds over his hiring as the Green Lantern?
@gil_garcia Weeeellll, I’m waitin’ ta see what #ryanreynolds says about it, ya know? If he’ll still play me too, it’s all good.

@NaTeSaUcE asks: yo wade! whats up? who’d be the last guy standing after a bar fight with you and wolvie? ya both gots the healin’ factors!
@NaTeSaUcE Ain’t gonna lie & say it’d be an easy fight, but I do have one thing Wolvie don’t have: a teleporter. Gives me th’ edge. So: ME

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: how do you feel about renolds playing green lantern ????
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 I’m gonna be happy fer him unless it hurts MY movie – then I’ma gonna be PISSED. Anyway, #ryanreynolds looks good in green.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 It brings out the seriousness in his eyes.

@Lachdanan_ asks: Who would win in a fight? Wolverine? or Darth Vader?
@Lachdanan_ Wolvie’s got the healing, but Vader’s got the Force. It’d be a standoff: Vader’d just create a Force field to keep Wolvie away

@YouTubeDeadpool: @Ask_Deadpool Yeah. Vader all the way. Force choke him to the nearest Airlock.
@YouTubeDeadpool A’course, if the question was ME vs. Vader, def. it’d be ME. But I can’t tell ya how I’d beat ‘im, or I’d hafta kill ya!

@feildmouse asks: why is the Suicide Kings mini so lame compared to all of your other books?
@feildmouse ‘Cause it’s not really me; it’s Tasky. Sh. Actually, I didn’t even read it yet. I’ll get back ta ya on how he screwed up later

@zareonianwolf asks: Hey Wade! Besides Ryan Reynolds, who do you think would do justice to you on the big screen?
@zareonianwolf Ya know, at this point, I don’t think I can think’a anybody else bein’ me…damn. #ryanreynolds better be able ta do it!

@fullofwhoa asks: Dear Deadpool, I do not actually own any of your comics. Where should I start?
@fullofwhoa We here at the Agency consider anything written by Joe Kelly, Fabian Nicieza, or Gail Simone to be Word of God.

@Blazefire33 asks: Yo Wade, what do you think of that podcast dedicated to you?
@Blazefire33 I think fans dedicating stuff ta me is freakin’ fantastic. Chimichanga!

@Mark_Currie asks: Hey Wade, I was wondering… what should I ask you?
@Mark_Currie Do I gotta do ALL the work aroun’ here? Heh. I dunno, ask me how behind I am on answering everyone’s questions. Answer: A LOT

@Mark_Currie But I swear I’m workin’ on it! In between the slicin’ an’ dicin’, ya know.

@Lachdanan_ asks: How come I can’t find your comics at my local convince store I work at?
@Lachdanan_ ‘Cause Comic Book Guy *personally* threatened Apu Nahasapeemapetilon and ALL ‘is kind if they ever honed in on his territory

@xXBlackVirusXx asks: HEY DEADPOOL!I just how many licks does it take to get to the center of a jawbreaker? forget tootsiepops!
@xXBlackVirusXx No freakin’ clue. But ya know I built a sweet-ass gun when I was a li’l tyke, shot those things out like nobody’s biz

@xXBlackVirusXx I mean, those things’r HARD. They make ’em outta 100 year old chewing gum’r somethin’

@gil_garcia asks: will you be playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 when it releases next month, since you are in the game?
@gil_garcia Ya kiddin’? HELLS YEAH. Game me looks SWEET. …Oh, ‘cept I gotta wait til I score another gig ta get it. Money’s kinda tight.