(Closed) Bridesmaid Advice????

My fiance and I were planning on having a very simple backyard wedding and pretty much do everything DIY. The reason being was that we have a budget of only 6,000 and we wanted a nice wedding. However, a few months ago, my parents told me that they wanted us to have a nicer wedding, and they would pay for the wedding venue (ceremony/reception). We chose a very nice place, and because my parents have to pay per person, we were given a limited guest amount. Between my fiance and myself, we have 80 slots. And then my parents and his parents were given a different number.

Choosing whom to invite was very difficult, because we were forced to decided on which of our friends and family are closest to us. One of my closest friends (so I thought) is one of my bridesmaids. She has been a trial from day one. I am having the dresses made and custom to each girl. I gave each of them the opportunity to choose there sleeves for the dress and she is being PICKY to the exrtreem….buts thats another story.

My actual dilemma is this: she is a single mother of a 5 year old boy. Dont get me wrong, I love her little boy and he often gets invited over to spend time with my family. However, when I am faced with limited seating numbers, and I was forced to choose between her 5 year old son and a close friend I have grown up with, I chose my friend. We recently sent out our invitations and RSVPs, and as soon as she seen that her RSVP was for 1 person, she called me up very angry. Then she came over my house this morning (to drop something off) and while she was over, she was venting to my parents and I about how angry she was. She then said “If I would have know my son wasnt going to be invited then I wouldnt have…”….she didnt finish, but Im assuming she was going to say “i wouldnt have been in ur wedding.

Now Im faced with this problem, do I invite her son, to calm her down? I feel like by doing that, Im giving in to her tantrum. I feel like she is being very selfish and not understanding at all. She knows my situation, and she knows that I have many friends that I have had to say no to. My other problem with inviting her son is that no one will be there to watch him. She said she will, but how will she be able to do that if she is in the wedding. HELP???? I need your advice…

I wouldn’t change my mind. A 5 yr old can spend the evening home with a sitter or family member. I would much rather invite another friend than a child who will likely not even notice or care what is really happening.

Are you inviting other children? Or just family members that are children? You could just tell her that you are having an adults only wedding (except for family). My best friend, and Maid/Matron of Honor, has a very hyper 3 year old – and she asked me if I wanted her to be a flower girl….. but I’m not a fan of children at weddings in general, so I told her from the get go that we were not having flower girls and that I didn’t want children at the wedding PERIOD. She got the point. She teases me about it still, but the only “child” who will be there is my 9 year old cousin. I would not cave in and let her bring her 5 year old – it’s your wedding and your right – she can’t really watch him if she’s one of your bridesmaids – I think it’s kind of weird that she would want him to come – personally, I’d like to have a fun night away from the kids if I had a 5 year old – but that’s just me!

We are inviting a few children, but they are all family. And other then the 3 flower girls and my 11 year old sister, his mother is paying for 4 more children. Im really upset about this. My dad is now considering giving one of his slots to her son, because he feels bad. This really gets me upset.

There are going to be no children at my wedding and i have a 4 year old nephew and a 1 year old niece (both from my older sister who is my bridesmaid) and she is a single mother. I think she is being very irrational to be honest. my sister is completely fine with not having her kids there because she knows how much of a distraction they can cause and she wants to be able to have a nice time and not worry about her kids. I think you should stand your ground. its YOUR wedding afterall!

I can see why she might be upset, but considering that she’s IN the wedding, she’s not going to be able to watch her son. Is he going to hang out with you and all the bridesmaids when you get ready? Who’s going to watch him during the ceremony, or when bridal party photos are being taken? Where is he going to be during introductions?

If he were an older child, who could be left alone, that might be a different story, but I don’t think that she’s being fair to her son, or to other wedding guests- someone else would end up babysitting him.

It is your wedding. I would not choose a friend’s child over someone I grew up with whomever else it is I prefer to attend. I do not see how she got so upset. A lot of people do not invite children, some only invite family members children and a lot of parents prefer not to bring thwir childre. I agree with what was stated she is IN the wedding who will watch her child?

Do people not use babysitters or have family to watch kids anymore? I can’t believe the number of people who think you can’t invite parents to weddings without their kids because ‘who will watch the kids’? Do those people never go out without their kids?? Maybe I just think it’s strange because I have never been to a wedding with kids (other than kids in the immediate family) and in planning my wedding, many friends have expressed how they are looking forward to a night out without kids. It’s your wedding- do not let your friend’s snide remark push you into changing your plans. She should respect your decision.

I think she is venting and eventually she get over it. Don’t invite the five year old, it would be confusing and lonely for him to sit by himself at the ceremony while his mom is doing bridesmaid duties.

If you invite the 5 year old, then you may run into the problem with other guests thinking children, besides family members, are invited to the wedding. It may become an awkward conversation with them when if you have to explain the situtation. Keeping it as you originally planned helps to be fair and respectful to everyone so it’s not a “why is her kid invited and not mine?”

I agree with @celticbride: …I am truly shocked on how some people act when their kids aren’t invited to a wedding/reception. This is not a kid party, it’s an adult celebration, and while does involve family, again it’s not about the kids. There are many other family events where kids are more than welcomed (bday parties, holiday gatherings, family picnics, etc.). After planning a wedding myself, it’s a great reassurance to know how I will not be acting when I have kids.

Good luck, @grlofgod4ever: I’m sure once she’s done venting, everything will be ok. She should come around, especially being a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the wedding. Hopefully after she’ll thank you for a great night celebrating with you and your hubby—child free! 😉

I don’t think you should give in but I do think you should have a talk with her and explain to her that it is nothing personal and you have a very limited number of seats, plus with her being in the wedding party – getting ready, taking pictures, actually standing with you for the ceremony, etc. – who would be watching her son? It just wouldn’t seem very logical to have him there.

I know I need to talk to her. I just dont know how to start up the converstaion, as I have a fear of it getting out of control. Im not sure….its been a few days since eveything happened, so maybe she has calmed down a bit. I think she is being very unreasonable….she wants him to be there so badly that she even offered to pay for his seat! Im thinking, are you crazy???

I also think even if you have the space, you can’t leave a five year old sitting in a church next to people who are strangers to him while she is being a bridesmaid, Has she thought of that, it doesn’t make sense. I actually don’t think you should have a big talk with her to give her chance to argue her case, it’s your wedding and it not a neogiation, it should simple firm statement. Something like “You know I love and you are a really good friend, which is why I want you by my side. Due to space Your son come can’t, it also wouldn’t be fair to the other guest leaving thier children at home. The wedding plans have change and this venue is more suited to an Adult event. I’m sorry if your feelings are hurt, but it is just the way things are.” You don’t have to use what I said, but I think having a few main points and good idea of what you are going to say would be helpful and you repeated over and over until she understands.