10 tips for overcoming fear of change

This one is for me. I’m about to make a major change in my lovely little life and it’s rather scary, but good scary. I mean, good scary is still terrifying, but it feels right so at least there’s that. I will let you know what that change is and more very soon (and forgive me for all the vagueness of late, but all will be revealed shortly).

In the meantime, the older I get the more I realise how much I suck at change. It’s an ironic sucking, actually, because while I hate making changes, I crave them at the same time. I find myself climbing the walls if life stays too samey-same for too long. I need challenge, inspiration and stimulation so I have always been one to seek out change. But I still suck at it.

Lately I’ve been trawling the internet looking for help to feel stronger and less nervous about what’s coming up. I was seeking solace in my decision to make this big change and assistance in making the process as simple as possible. I wanted to find a way to enjoy the change while it was happening (and not a few weeks down the track as I usually do – I’m definitely a late-settler!). I thought I’d share my findings with you because perhaps you are facing change right now or maybe you are seeking it.

1. It’s okay to feel unsettled by change

This was a big one for me because for years I’ve pretended that I love change because that’s what we’re supposed to be like, right? All the go-gettters of the world tell us that they “thrive” on change and embracing it is essential if you want to be successful. “Change is just a part of life,” we are constantly told and that’s true. But that doesn’t mean that change isn’t scary, difficult, overwhelming and even terrifying. It’s okay to be scared; go gently.

2. Change is going to happen whether we are ready or not

The fact is, while we are sometimes the instigators of change in our life, most of the changes we face are going to happen whether we like it or not. Whether we lean into the change or we resist it, the same outcome is eventually going to be the result. What does that tell us? It’s a hell of a lot harder to resist than to lean in, that’s what.

3. Write down the positives

You can write down the negatives too (see point 7 below), but definitely don’t skip the positives. Writing down everything good that’s going to come from the change we face is a great way of helping us look beyond our immediate fears. Create some certainty around Good stuff is coming our way once we get through the negative stuff. Sometimes we just need a reminder of that.

4. Trust yourself

In spite of it all, I’m quite a resilient person and I think part of that is that I trust myself. I am confident that I can get myself out of most of life’s more challenging situations. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I like the hairy stuff – far from it – but I do have a fundamental belief that everything is going to be okay because I’ll make it okay. I know I’m alright, no matter how overwhelming change can sometimes be. I think we all need to learn to trust ourselves and plod along knowing that ultimately we’ve got this.

5. The control thing has got to go

This is my ‘big one’: I hate change because I hate not being in control. The older I’ve become, the more I rely on my ability to be in charge of at least some of my world. When a big change-tsunami comes along, my sense of control gets utterly drowned and I panic. We all know that’s no way to survive, so we’ve got to learn to let go, relax, trust our instincts, focus on the moment, use our training and… float.

6. Put your hand up

I’m really going with this ocean analogy, but it just works – change can feel very much like you’re drowning in a big, wide sea and that’s a very lonely feeling indeed. Until you put your hand up. Then an army of lifesavers come pounding down the beach to bring you safely to shore. We all have those lifesavers in our life, we just need to put our hand up and shout for help. Your army will be there and, what’s more, they will relish the opportunity to do whatever they can to help you get through your transition with a smile your face. Put your hand up.

7. Set aside some worry time

We all have worries, but some of us dwell on our anxieties more than others. If you are prone to letting your worries overtake your every thought (and during a time of change, it’s rather hard not to go there), make some time each day to just let it all out. Have a cry, think your worst case scenario, write down every little thing that is concerning you, talk to a friend, moan and groan, panic a little then put it all aside until your next designated worry session. Just put it down and go and do something else. Be a Scarlett and think about it again tomorrow.

8. Be flexible

When change is afoot in one area of your life, you need to be flexible in all areas of your life. Nothing is isolated and change affects everything. It’s tempting to try to keep the rest of your life ‘normal’ while other parts are topsy turvy, but that will only serve to make you more stressed. Try to make some room for the change to settle into.

9. Acknowledge your stress

Sometimes life is just really, really stressful and there aren’t enough miles to run or minutes to be mindful of to change that. Don’t fight your stress, just sit with it. Keep your eating healthy and your exercise regular and remember to breathe, but don’t expect to feel relaxed and carefree during a difficult time. Acknowledge that you’re going to be stressed and on edge and take steps to lessen the impact of that. Ditch social commitments and keep a low profile for a few weeks. Cook simple meals that require little thought or cleaning. Read books to the children and stay offline. Go to bed earlier for a contemplative lie in. Stress doesn’t have to impact everything.

10. Don’t do it all at once

Just as we can’t expect to love the changes straightaway, we also shouldn’t expect that we can make them happen all at once. Break your big change down into a series of little changes if you can. If the change is a ‘big boom’ sort of change, let that happen but create your new habits around it bit by bit. It will take time to adjust to the newness, but you can lessen the impact by getting used to one thing at a time.

How well do you manage change? Do you have any tips for me right now – I’m open!?

Comments

I have to admit, I love change. Especially big change. I’m terribly sentimental and just before the big change occurs I reminisce and think long and hard about what I’m changing but in the end I love close my eyes and leap into the deep end.

I’ve found that the best things in my life have happened when I’ve done this, taken a risk and taken a turn in a different direction. I’m on the brink of another big change too, it’s a little unexpected so I haven’t been sure it’s right, but as time passes I’m sure it is. Most of all I’m excited by the possibilities.

I had a lot of change in my childhood (lived in four different cities in three different countries) so I think that’s what has made me the way I am. Everyone in my family took on big changes as I grew up – lots of dramatic career changes, life changes, etc. So I think I was brought up in an environment where change was always seen as a positive thing. I also know that I have support around me because of this and at worst I think if it doesn’t work out then what’s the worst that can happen? (It’s usually nothing too terrible.)
I know some wonderful people who are crippled by fear of change and end up living lives that don’t thrill them and that makes me sad. Life is too short and unpredictable to live in a way that doesn’t thrill you or give you wonderful butterflies in your stomach. As I tell my kids, it’s good to feel nervous about new things but never be too scared to do something new.

I’ve always thought I was ok with change but the older I get the more resistant I am. I like my life and I like knowing what’s coming. But I’m thinking I need a big change now and then just to stop me becoming a curmudgeon…

I think having the kids made me more resistant. Change = uncertainty and that’s a hard thing to think of when you are responsible for others. I’m going to take steps to ease my way back into embracing change, though, if only to show my kids it can be done! x

I am so afraid of change, but I’m trying to get better at it. Over the last few years, I’ve learned that sometimes you don’t choose change, it chooses you, and when it does it’s a case of, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. My counsellor gave me a really good tip, to try and change one thing every day and write it down in a notebook. It could be something as simple as going somewhere new for a coffee, walking to work a different way, changing your routine, anything really, but it’s all about being open and flexible to different things and embracing change. I love your tips and hope that this change brings about all good things. Change is good!

Oh Bron, I can’t tell you how much I needed to read this tight now. THANK YOU. I’ve got better at change since we moved from England to Aus but it still gives me sleepless nights. Good luck with your change. I think we are both going to be just fine :))

Brilliant post. Point 5 is my downfall. (Shocking revelation, huh?) Thanks for this – I know you wrote this for you, but it speaks loudly and clearly to me too.
(And I cannot WAIT to hear about this big change. Talk about teasers! I’m in suspense!)

Yep, point 5 is my biggest stumbling block too, Em – also, not shocked? 🙂 I think it’s hysterical that I think I have any kind of control in this life with three kids and a crazy me, but somehow I seem to think I do… good luck with whatever you are facing. x

Good on you for challenging yourself and embracing change. I must admit the older I get, the easier I am welcoming change, and in fact seeking change. You may recall, last year my word was change and it was an eye opening experience. I do like to still feel in control, so that is probably my hardest thing with unexpected change. But I’ve come to realize that (in keeping with your ocean analogy), change washes over you like a wave, you just need to hold your breath an wait for the waters to calm again and regain control.

We are going the opposite way then – I am becoming all curmudgeonly (thanks for the reminder of this very good word, Lauren!) and you are getting all spontaneous. I don’t want to be a boring old nanna, so I’m going to kick this change thing outta the park. Or off the beach (of course). x

Perfect timing with this one Bron, thank you. I fell in a heap this week with the total overwhelm of our big change that is coming so I know exactly what you mean. Am going to have to apply no. 9 this week. All the very best with your big change xx

I am so intrigued by the news you will be revealing (it sounds very exciting!) The idea of control is a battle for me too – including the idea that there will be such terrible ramifications from control being loosened (particularly as we know we’re not really completely in control now, and things will, in the main, be fine, even if we feel out of control and a bit more chaotic).

No real tips – you seem to have a lot covered – but I like Sammie’s idea and I think it would be really useful to look back on – to see how many changes you have made, even if they feel like baby ones (particularly when you are at a stressful point, which, as you acknowledge, is likely to happen from time to time. x

Fantastic post Bron . I used to be petrified of change but as I get older I find myself jumping in with both feet more . Number 5 is still a challenge sometimes . I can’t wait to hear about your news ! X

Exciting Bron!! But hurry up and tell us, please.
I’m a huge contradiction: I love change so much, but absolutely MUST be in control of everything. Makes me a little bit tired sometimes.
As long as I can see a good thing to look forward to within the change, I’m all fine.
Roll with it a bit, and micro manage it a bit. And you’re welcome for that piece of useless advice 🙂
Hope it all goes well, Bron x

I am such a homebird and hopeless at change, it took me years to get used to life in the States when we moved from England. I am still getting used to it!
You seem to be embracing your upcoming event/life change, so good for you!

Oh Bron, change canbe difficult can’t it, though sounds like exciting news ahead for you! Can’t wait to hear what it is! Number 4 is super important for me at the moment as we are in the throes of change too! x

Sounds interesting Bron, but I’m sure whatever it is you will adapt and adjust to it. Change usually is a good thing for me, but sadly there’s not much of it in my life right now, but maybe it’s not my time just yet. xxx

Good list Bron and I’m sure you’ll do great and grow heaps through making your new big change. One of the strategies I find most useful is to look back and consider how many changes you have already made/coped with and how you’ve come through and grown. I always think back to our time dealing with infertility and how much things were out of our control and it makes me feel better because I know that with most things, even the changes that feeel scary, I’ll have a lot more control than I did back then.

I like the idea of change but my friends “routine”, “control” and “fear” usually put a stop to anything major! The older I get the more resistant to change I become. Think I need to learn to let go a bit more! You sound very excited about this big change and news – can’t wait to hear what it is. Good luck xx

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