Chris Brown: Hours after he proclaimed he’s “not a monster” in a YouTube video, news broke that he’s been slapped with a lawsuit by a photog who claims Brown’s bodyguard beat him up. We’d say the hits just keep on coming, but that would just be a really bad pun.

PEOPLE: Put together a handy–but short–guide to some of the celebrity deejays out there. Kind of cool.

Jennifer Hudson: A car allegedly connected to the possible kidnapping of Hudson’s nephew has been found. An unidentified body has been found inside the vehicle, though that detail may change in mere hours.

HSM: Came out on top of the box office, like we knew it would. The $42 million in sales broke two records: highest ever for a movie musical and for a non-animated G-rated film.

Zack and Miri: Creator Kevin Smith is shocked by how many people think this film is a real porno. His reply? “Are you retarded? When was the last porno you saw that had ‘porno’ in the title?'” Hilarious as always. We could make a whole post just filled with quotes from this article.

Radar: And another one bites the dust. Say goodbye to everyone’s favorite hipster mag.

The Olsen Twins: Planning world domination by building a “true American brand.” All we’re asking for is a Full House reunion.

TMZ: Claim they’ve reached a peaceful coexistence with the celebrities they harass, um, we mean, cover. We’ll believe it when the lawsuits stop.

Amy Winehouse: Back in the hospital…for “tests.” We feel like, sad as it is to say, the whole world is just waiting for her to die and won’t be the least bit surprised when it happens.

OTH: We hoped there’d be smooth sailing ahead for Leyton but with Austin Nichols scheduled to appear in a 10-episode arc, we have a feeling a wedding might be long off. Tear. We’ll meet the potential homewrecker in tonight’s episode.

SIZZLED OUT: Supernatural

STILL SIZZLING: Which star is taking her on-screen gig a little too seriously? She thinks it’s her real job to save things! Specifically, whales!