FC Barcelona just released a statement that they're going to sell these two players, as their animosity towards each other is disrupting the feeling of camaraderie in the changing room. On the list of footballers who might replace the two rogues there are names that will make us forget Messi and Villa very soon, some informers say: the names will not be disclosed until the next press conference, but our anonymous sources say players of the caliber of Alexander Hleb might be brought back. Culés will surely rejoice at this wonderful piece of news! After all, who will mourn the loss of such a pigheaded, selfish player such as Leo Messi?Don't believe us? Watch the last interview Messi has given to Barça TV, and see for yourselves.

- [on David Villa ]I have no idea how or why they printed that. It’s completely unfounded, we have no problem with el Guaje, quite the contrary! We get along pretty well, like with the rest of our teammates both on and off the pitch. So we have nothing to say about that, we’re pretty calm about it. We know [the rumors] are untrue, so that’s it. We’re not worried.

- I feel good physically. I’m ready for the games to come, like last year. I’m feeling good etc.

- I still have many flaws [LOLOL Y U so hilarious Leo], many things that can be improved, and that’s what I’m trying to do. I don’t want to fall behind, I want to keep getting better.

- I wouldn’t leave [Barça]. Well, I would leave if they didn’t want me here anymore, or if my performance isn’t what the club or the fans want, or if I start to be questioned… but only in those cases. I don’t see myself outside of Barça.

- Of course I would love to be just another guy on the street, you know, do whatever I want without having people recognize me everywhere I go… but I can’t really complain, wherever I go I get so much love from fans and that’s also nice. [let me die jfc how can he be so freakin adorable I can’t]

- It’s really hard to score three goals, and especially three hattricks in three days. I just hope Barça wins the next game, that’s the most important thing. It’s three points against a great club and a manager that likes to study his opponents very thoroughly before a game, they play on the same level with their opponents, no matter what club.

- [about Zlatan Ibrahimovic]. In all the time he spent here I had a good relationshp with him. I think the relationship with us, with the teammates, was always pretty good. He never had problems with anyone; I don’t know whether he had any with the coach, with Guardiola, but that’s his business. What else can I say. I got along with him well, we all did.

- [on Real Madrid] I think they grew as a team, just like we did. Whenever a new season begins it’s always the same, new players come, so that the club can grow stronger. They grew stronger, and so did we. But to tell you the truth, we’re not preparing the clasico yet. There’s a long way to go, there are many more important games before that one [BarçaTrollDNA at its finest, guys XDDDD] Then, when the time comes, we’re going to study what RM has been doing, what they did last year, see what’s changed, and try to find a way to beat them [is that a troll smirk I see lakjshdakjk]

......oh and to all those secret culedristas who expected something else from this post:

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