A blog written in the dead of night and delivered to you in a brown paper bag. It’s a cornucopia of tidbits, rants, and observations for the discerning eye. Good luck with all that. Now, for something completely different!

There have been many ways and ideas to honor past Presidents when there terms are over. A reward of sorts for what we think of their service to the nation. If a San Francisco group has its way, there could be the George W. Bush Sewage Plant, according to The New York Times. A group called the Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco has been collecting signatures to rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant after Bush upon his exit from office next year. This must be a reflection of Bush’s staunch environmental stands. The plan, conceived in a bar, not much of a surprise there, would place a vote on the November ballot to offer “an appropriate honor for a truly unique president,” the group told the Times. Supporters said that they have enough signatures to qualify the measure. It probably only took about an hour. Surely an idea of this quality can’t fail. Whether it is successful or not, the group wants supporters to participate in a “synchronized flush” when the new president is inaugurated on Jan. 20 to send a flood of water toward the plant. Wash away the old, bring in the new.

MAN ARRESTED AT NORTH POLE FOR DRIVING LAWNMOWER DRUNK

I’m not sure how this happens since I didn’t know they had lawns that far north, but in North Pole, Alaska, Wyatt Lewis has been arrested for driving a lawnmower drunk. Alaskan State Troopers received a call early on Sunday complaining of an intoxicated man driving a mower. When they tried to stop him, he led them on a low-speed chase. The chase lasted about 61 metres and reached speeds of up to 5 mph before a trooper got out of a cruiser and told the man to stop. I’m betting that was a tough arrest. They said Wyatt Lewis’s blood-alcohol content was 0.18 per cent, more than twice the legal limit of 0.08 per cent. There’s nothing like drinking and lawnmowing. Is there really grass up there? I thought it was all tundra or something…perpetual ice and snow. Why does someone even own a lawnmower? Driving a lawnmower while drunk qualifies for a driving under the influence charge in the US. Lewis was also charged with failure to stop at the direction of a peace officer. He allegedly led them on a pursuit that covered several lawns. Maybe he was trying to be nice and give his neighbors’ lawns a trim too. Apparently, trying to outrun a cop on a lawnmower is illegal too. Don’t Drink and mow.

OBAMA PICKS UP DIETY ENDORSEMENT

Politicians like to get endorsements from influential figures, but the gods themselves? A dozen priests have been chanting around a sacred fire in New Dehli as a group of Indians offered prayers to the Hindu monkey god Hanuman to grant victory to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Isn’t this the same God we reported on a couple of weeks ago that the made the head of a college? Apparently he’s getting around. Several dozen people attended the prayers held at a Hanuman temple saying they believed an Obama victory would bring positive change around the world. This takes getting religion on your side to a whole new level. Local businessman Brij Mohan Bhama, who organised the event, said a victory would be good for India and the rest of world “because he stands for change” and would help stem growing “price rises, poverty and terrorism.” “We have heard that he carries a small monkey charm in his pocket. So he is a devotee of Hanuman. That’s why we want to present him with this idol,” he said. Well Barack, now that you’ve got the Monkey God in your corner, what’s next, walking on bananas?

COP TURNS OUT TO BE PRETENDER

In the town of Gerald, Missouri a police officer was hired that really wasn’t a cop. Bill Jakob, had a badge and a gun, and he told officials he had previously worked as an anti-drug agent in Illinois. He even drove a fully equipped Ford Crown Victoria, which he said was for undercover work. Guess what? He was lying. The 36-year-old man was an unemployed truck driver with a criminal record and had recently filed for bankruptcy. Oops. Big Oops. So big that now the Gerald police force is in deep doo doo. Now this village is confronting allegations that Jakob and other officers mistreated and robbed many of the people they arrested. At least 17 people have sued, and Jakob is in jail awaiting charges. At least he’s off the street now. Doesn’t this mean that everyone he arrested and were convicted had a mistrial.Complaints about Jakob’s rough treatment of suspects led a reporter from the Gasconade County Republican newspaper to ask the sheriff about the new officer. That’s when they discovered he was an imposter. Gerald Mayor Otis Schulte defended Jakob’s hiring, saying: “He had credentials. He had a badge. He had a phone number to call for verification. I don’t know what else we could have done.” Don’t they do background checks? Maybe a little peek into their own database. You’d think that criminal record might have popped up. It would have saved them lots of grief.

PAINTING LEFT A GOODWILL STORE SELLS FOR BIG MONEY

Somtimes it pays to look through those thrift stores. You never know what might turn up. The Parisian street scene, what was thought to be a piece of junk art, left at a store in Maryland last March along with daily donations of pots, pans, old clock radios and other items, turned out to be a work by Edouard-Leon Cortes, probably from the early 20th century. In other words, a serious collector’s item, a museum piece. The painting, called “Marche aux fleurs” or “Flower Market,” was sold for $40,600 at a Sotheby’s auction a few weeks ago. I guess they missed that one on the Antiques Roadshow. “It could have very easily ended up put in a pile, marked for $20,” says Ursula Villar, marketing and development director for Goodwill Industries of the Chesapeake Inc. Store manager Terri Tonelli said employees asked her to look at the donated painting because they suspected it was valuable. She found the artist’s name on Google and discovered that Cortes was a notable French Impressionist whose work had sold at auction for prices near $60,000. You gotta love google. If the owner of the painting wants the money, too bad. You blew it. Goodwill says it doesn’t keep track of donors. Donations, meanwhile, are gifts that are considered legal and final transactions. Look at the bright side, it went to a good cause. It pays to pay attention to what you’re throwing away.