Ramblings from an ER physician in Singapore.
(This blog is a personal journal. Any views or opinions presented on this website are solely those of the author's and do not necessarily represent those of her organization. No part of this website may be reproduced or quoted without the author's expressed permission, written or otherwise.)

Friday, November 26, 2004

"Just Whack"

Cradling coffees and hot chocolate with college friends a few nights ago, I was given the following advice by a recently married fellow:

"You know ah, (my name), if you are interested in a guy, JUST WHACK LAH."

Laughter all around, then silence. They were waiting for me to say something, but I chose to say nothing. ( Thank goodness another friend arrived a few seconds later, taking the uncomfortable focus off my sorry state. :))

But to be fair, I do realize that men nowadays wouldn't be totally averse to being pursued once in a while. And believe it or not, I've done my share of "mild whacking" on a few occasions, with mixed results. However, at some point in the not-so-recent past ( a year maybe ), I decided to avoid it altogether.

Reasons:

1. It's just too d*** tiring.
2. Certain guys like to play games. I hate that.
3. Being the "whacker" puts you in a strange position and skews relationship dynamics, so to speak. And if the guy has a big mouth ( happened once before, eep ), it's just plain embarrassing. And annoying.

Or maybe I've just made a slew of bad choices on whack-able men. But then, I'm not a smooth operator like some of my contemporaries. I really suck at this, sigh.

So there's my ( delayed ) reply to my friend's comment. He meant well, but I'm a lost cause in that department. :/

To Continue...

Some extra stuff here -- since I'm stuck in the ER and hey, the computer's free! :)

Right then. Apparently, guys I consider whack-able may not be "right" for me.
This should be an interesting discussion point for those who actually know me well.

Male traits I find attractive ( for some reason or another ):

1. Slim / athletic physiques ( no gigantic bulging biceps please )
2. Beautiful hands ( I try to do this subtly, but in truth, it's the one thing I scrutinize closely. I just find doctors' -- especially surgeons' -- hands fascinating. Same goes for those belonging to musicians and artists. :))
3. A sense of humour ( exuberant, but not excessively so )
4. Intellect, without the high-and-mighty attitude ( i.e. the ability to "agree to disagree", and to respect our differences )
5. A level of comfort. Funnily enough, I had this with most - if not all - of the guys I "whacked", with each reciprocating in various friendship-transcending ways. Why it never progressed further is a mystery. Didn't bother to ask them the reason(s) either.

Experience-wise, they've run the gamut from outright playboys to guys who've never been known to have girlfriends. In terms of looks, their features span a wide spectrum ( but none resembles my ex -- a major criterion, heh heh ). Interests include extreme sports, fast-car fetishes, compulsive clubbing, the usual music / books / film / comics.

Although... one guy used to spend time simply blasting MP3 songs over the phone, while our conversation screeched to a halt. It was really funny ( but in a good way ), precisely because of that Level Of Comfort.

The above list isn't exhaustive, of course. Attraction can be immediate, yet its true nature intangible. It's that "certain something" that draws two people together, that tells you: Hey, the possibility is there.

Was I imagining things? Let's just say these guys gave not-so-subtle indications that they were indeed aware of my ( rather feeble ) tactics, and returned fire. But somewhere along the way, the momentum began to wane, and in a couple of cases, I could actually see them battling some internal conflict ( what exactly, I didn't ask ). It was like taking one step forward, then two steps back. Perhaps I wasn't aggressive enough. Maybe I should've just yanked them by the shirt collar and yelled, "Stop pussyfooting around already!" But then... that isn't my style.

My problem? At midnight, after a long day in the wards and the ER, my judgement may be clouded. But I suppose it stems from a combination of a reserved personality which requires time to penetrate, a reluctance to exert force of any kind, a few cases of missed opportunities ( some of which were my fault, I admit ), and -- cheesy, but not entirely without merit ) -- an element of Fate. You know, right timing, favourable conditions, etc.

So, no more whacking for me. Getting too old for all that, and lack intuition on "reading the signs".