Month: May 2007

I found 20 dollars in a hidden fold of my wallety-thing yesterday, just before payday and just when I needed it most.

This isn’t so very strange, because my wallety-thing is an old MAC pouch that used to contain lipgloss, and now contains: my cash, my bank card, my credit card, my healthcare card, 47 tattered bank receipts, various notes to myself and a mysterious piece of white lint.

Still, it doesn’t take much to make me happy. When I found the twenty, I held it up to the people I was sitting with at the sidewalk cafe and said, “Twenty dollars! I feel like I won the lottery!”

I would like to give you all an update, but I have very little to say. Or rather, I have a great deal to say, but none of it hangs together in any sort of a narrative way. This is why we have bullets. Say! Let’s have some bullets:

I spent much of this evening either working or watching a show about the mythology of Star Wars. This means that I am officially a nerd.

I require a haircut. I have required a haircut for so long now that I am beyond Crazy Homeless Lady Hair and well into Crazy Substitute Art Teacher Hair. Basically, I can either get a haircut or I can buy a lot of fimo jewelry.

Also, it was nice out today. I’m still sweating, though. This weekend, I had this conversation twelve times:

I was at a party on Sunday night, when a particularly evil friend of mine told me about Save Toby, which I now believe to be the Best Website of All Time.

It’s offline for various reasons, but you can still view it at the Internet Wayback Machine, and OMG, I need this person to be my friend.

A random quote, to help you understand the mission and thus, the awesomeness of this site:

“Toby is the cutest little bunny on the planet … Unfortunately, on June 30th, 2005, Toby will die. I am going to eat him. I am going to take Toby to a butcher to have him slaughter this cute bunny. I will then prepare a midsummer feast … I don’t want to eat Toby, he is my friend, and he has always been the most loving, adorable pet. However, God as my witness, I will devour this little guy unless I receive 50,000$ USD into my account from donations or purchase of merchandise.”

I got an email this evening from my friend Tom. I’ll share, because it’s possible that you haven’t had a good Rushmore reference recently:

Dear Max,I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume’s swimming pool, giving each other handjobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch.

PS: This is extra fun if you know about Tom’s tendency to ask people who barely know each other if they’ve given each other handjobs.

So, here’s a thing about me: If you’re my friend, at some point, you will receive a text from me that says, “You like big balls.” This is regardless of gender or sexual preference. It’s to keep me entertained, and I think we can all agree that that’s safer.

Anyway: This weekend, my pal Cedric got his MBA, and the Mouse and I journeyed north to Lincoln Center for the ceremony. We stayed sober throughout and were rather quiet, but it was a long ceremony, and well, one gets bored.