Two women friends, incredibly drunk and walking home got caught short.
As they were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they Do their business behind a head stone or something. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her panties and use them, then throw them away.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to wipe herself with that. They then made off for home. The next day one woman's husband phoned the other husband and said "We'd better keep an eye on our wives you know, mine came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing" said the other "Mine came back with a card stuck between her ass that said “From all the lads at the fire station. We'll never forget you'."

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here, " says the devil. "You are on my list but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so
I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room: In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room: in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

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