What Romney needs is an image change. First thing: Grow a goatee and shave your head. That will make you stand out from the paint by numbers presidential candidates. Next, lose the suit and wear something more appropriate for a member of Hell’s Angels. Thirdly, tame a timber wolf and have it follow you around on the campaign trail. Finally, lose the long winded speeches. Instead, just shout to assembled crowds words like “CRUSH!” and “DESTROY!” (those really are great applause lines). If you feel you must say something more, say, “I am Death! My coming cannot be stopped!”

If Romney can pull that off, I’ll not only vote for him, I’ll donate to his campaign.