Questions and Secrets

This is for everyone who feels the need write a personal letter that they could never send. Your letter can be long, short, silly or serious. If you have any questions letters or secrets you would like to ask or share with me please email me at questions.and.secrets@gmail.com.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Dear Teachers, There is more to me then you care to see. You care to see the student,that is slightly annoying, lazy but not dumb, and average socially. Truth be told, you don't see me at all for who I really am. And honestly you don't even care to ask.Maybe I would lie. I would tell you what you want to here. I would repeat the socially appropriate answer and I would continue on with my day,so would you. But there are some of you that I want to stop meand ask me to tell the truth or ask me to tell you about myself; Who I really amWhat makes me the way I am.Maybe it would make the day more bearableI wouldn't have to sit in the parking lot and debate getting out or driving awayI would be able to identify one person in the building that cares about me. I would be able to open up to others knowing that I am supported and have some one to talk with.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

There is so much to say to you. How I wish I could say it your face or even send this to you but what’s the point?? Since the moment we started talking you have been arrogant and stubborn. Yet two years ago that’s what I loved about you and as I’m writing this letter tonight it’s what I hate most about you. I don’t ever say hate but now that’s all I can think of when I think of you. It all started because tonight is the night I found out that you were engaged and tonight is the night my world came crashing to a halt. Six months ago when I found out you were dating her I was ok with it because in the back of my mind I was like people break up everyday they could end up breaking up and me and you could be back on track. I even became okay with the thought of us being friends and you having her as your girlfriend and even that was okay. But being engaged is a totally different story it hurts so much. As I was looking at the pictures of you two in such bliss it just hurt so bad because it should of been me. I was there before she was I was the one who called you and texted you everyday while you were in bootcamp. I was the one who sat at home worried waiting for emails or phone calls while you were in Iraq serving our country. I was the one who foolishly believed you when you said you would make me the happiest girl in the world when you came home safe and sound. I was the patient one for the first year of "us" who let you do your own thing yet always come back to me because you were scared. So really I was the one who was the idiot because I believed in you I believed in us. Then the second year came along and it was the year of Iraq and I was the faithful one I was the one who stood by you and counted down the days until you were home. Then you come home and nothing and then I find out you’re with her and I’m supposed to be understanding. I guess tonight is the night I realized that’s it’s officially over between us, what we had is now dead and buried. I wish I could say I wish you the best but that would be lying and I’m not a liar like you.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Dear You, We have been best friends now for almost year. For the past 5 months of this friendship I have to admit I've been in love with you. Head over heels in love with you. You're the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of before I go to sleep. We talk almost everyday and it's killing me not to tell you that I love you in the way where I wanna be with you emotionally and physically. But I also think that you feel the same way too and all our mutual friends want us together. They are pulling for us, so why can't we just pull it together and be together?? I'm afraid if I make the first step and you really don't feel the same that I would be ruining our friendship and just having you in my life for the past year has made me a better person and I don't want to lose that. Yet though I think I should get it together and be honest with you because I don't want to lose you to someone else. I cant stand the thought of you holding someone else's hand at the movies like you hold mine or giving someone else those sad eyes when you want me to give in to a crazy plan of yours..So what I'm trying to say is lets be together it could possibly be the BEST thing you and I have ever done..... I Love you always and forever, Me

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I am in love with you. I can't not be. I wish you loved me. I hate seeing you with her. And I was going to ask you to make a decision, I was going to make you choose, but then I realized that would be unfair. So I made the decision for you. We can't be friends while you two are going out, you've shown that to me. This hurts me way more than it could ever hurt you. I am doing this because I think she makes you happy. No matter what I say and do I want you to know that I still love you, I just can't take this anymore. Do you remember the time on the phone when you asked me if I would marry you? And I wouldn't answer, and you told me to because you knew what I would say, well what was the point of even asking, if you knew I would say yes? I know that people sometimes change, and you have, she has changed you. You aren't the boy that once convinced me he loved me. I feel like I don't know you anymore. I know you think you know all there is to know about girls and me in particular, but you don't, and I'm not like other girls, I thought you knew me, but you don't. And do you remember the time where you asked if I went for "bad boys" and I didn't know. And you tried to convince me that if you had a "bad" twin, I would go for him? Well I can answer that now, because you used to be good, you used to be good to me, but now you're not. I don't go for the "bad boys". Its just not me. Maybe we can be friends when she graduates, but I'm not sure. I miss the real you, but now I'm scared that the you I knew wasn't the real you, and the you I know now is the real you. I'm sorry things have turned out this way and its killed me inside. I am sorry. And by the way, I would still marry you.

Love always and forever,

SMP

MAV,I don't have much to say to you, because things haven't changed between us. I guess I just wanted to explain why I told you I probly wouldn't see you again til the fall of my senior year. And I guess its a really stupid reason. I'm not cutting you away like I am your brother. And maybe I just wanted to tell you that I am in love with your brother, because whenever we talk about that sort of stuff I always wonder if you know, but I can't ask. Anyways thanks for putting up with me and being nice to me. Thanks for talking to me about weird stuff and letting me drive you crazy, and if I remember I will not let you dodge the poke or the hug.

Monday, February 23, 2009

You were the first person I saw on my 15th birthday that wasn't in my family. I was there when you got dumped by your first girlfriend, and you were there when I dumped my first boyfriend. I adore your brother and sister; you love my dog. You're honest with me but never mean. You help me with the guy we both know who's obsessed with me; I help you when your not-so-perfect year-and-a-half relationship gets rough. We must have sung "Somewhere Only We Know" together on Singstar a dozen times by now. We've seen each other in the worst states and the worst moods. You've seen me with no makeup; I've seen you with no gel in your hair. The first time we met, when we were really young, you told me girls couldn't hurt guys, so I kicked you in the shin and you cried. I've known you for nearly six years and we've been friends for that long. I wrote you a letter on a train that I don't know if you still remember. You kissed your girlfriend for the first time in my bedroom, but it wasn't me. I was there for you when your best friend got concussion and you were terrified; you were there for me when I sliced my hand open with a knife and then passed out from blood loss. I'm the girl but you've never seen me cry; you're the guy but I've seen you cry dozens of times. I remember your birthday better than my best friend's. I told you that you had girl eyelashes, so you tried to wreck my makeup. We played a duet for a Senior Citizens Dinner Dance, and in all the rehearsals we raced through the music so we could gossip about our friends. You volunteered to come over early and help with my dad's surprise party; I ask to come to your house when my dad's working late. My friends like you; I like your friends. We're best friends.

And I'm in love with you. I'm sorry. I know you're happy with your girlfriend - one of her friends told me she's thinking of breaking up with you, and I can't tell you, because it would break your heart, and anyway, she hates me. I love you so much. She doesn't value you. She doesn't appreciate your stunning kindness or your romantic streak or your sudden smile or your vulnerability or your absolutely beautiful eyes. I bet she couldn't tell you what colour your eyes are without looking, but I know. They are honey-coloured, with flecks of green around the pupil and copper at the edges. I love you so badly. Whenever I'm standing behind you I've got to walk away because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to stop myself putting my arms around you from the back and holding you like I never want to let go. Your beautiful eyes are the last thing in my mind before I fall asleep. I love you so much. It's like that quote that everyone says. "I fell in love with our friendship." I can't imagine being without you. I want to be happy because you're in my life, but at the same time I feel like crying because you'll only ever be my friend. It is socially unacceptable for us to be together - and you don't want me anyway.

I love you. I'm sorry. I wish I was good enough to be someone you deserve.

Monday, February 9, 2009

I love you more than life but sometimes I wish I would have waited. I'm not saying that I don't or didn't want you I just wanted you later in life. For a long time I felt like I missed a big chunk of my life having children so early. Sometimes I still feel that way. I hope that when you guys are grown I can finish pursuing my dreams and make something big of myself. But for now I will sit here and ponder the possibilities that lie ahead for all of us. I love you

Monday, February 2, 2009

Dear Parents, I am not running away from one you or the life you built for me. I love you very much and hope that this will not hurt you to badly. It is nothing you have done or have not done that has made me decide to do this. I have been thinking about it a lot and feel as though I can not find out who I truly am with out experiencing other places and a place that has not bias of me when I arrive. I understand running away is not an answer to any problems, yet I feel as though I have to. I have to just get away and be spontaneous. I don't really know what I am running away from, its nothing or no one physical I guess it is just my self that I am running from, but its not really running from but maybe too me. So tomorrow when I don't come home from school tomorrow don't worry I will be fine. I have saved up enough money to take care of myself while I go on this journey and I will not be gone for ever. I will come back in time, I am just uncertain of when that time will be. I packed my car with all the things I think I will need, feel free to do what you want with the rest. Give the dog a hug for me each night and sleep well, I don't want you to be sad I need this, understand that. I love you. I can get my GED when I come back or maybe where I end up. Junior year has been no fun anyway's. I will truly miss you and try to stay in touch when I am away. I love you very muchYour youngest Daughter

The one who holds others secrets

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