A Second Wound

Summary:
He only meant to stop up the pain. He never thought he'd lose control and leave a wound of his own. New Moon-era Jacob/Bella (sort of).

Notes:
Inspired by all those retarded Jacob-rapes-Bella stories. They all involve him being hideously OOC. I wanted to write one where, like Stephenie says, he does everything he does because he thinks it's the right thing to do. I think this story is disturbing. What do you think, readers?

1. Chapter 1

You need him. Like a drug, he’s gotten into your system and you can’t cast him out. You need his presence, his help, because the pain is always just there, and he is the only thing that keeps it away for even a moment.

and

She needs you. You have to be there for her, to hold her up as she shatters into pieces with the emptiness inside her pulling her into shards of glass, breaking on the floor. She loves you. And you love her. If only she weren’t so afraid of that love—but you will show her the truth. Gently, of course, because you must treat her like she is made of porcelain because she is, your snow white angel so delicate and so broken.

and

You wonder if you love him. He thinks you do and sometimes you believe you could, if you’d only try, find a way to get over the pain and love him too. But you just don’t have the strength. Until one day he decides to have the strength for you.

and

You pull her close to you and brush your lips against hers and you wonder why you waited so long. This is wonderful. Despite the unnatural heat of you, she shivers a little, and you grin as you taste the sweetness of her breath, like flowers. It’s so easy not to stop. She tries to pull away from you but you barely notice.

and

You don’t understand what he’s doing at first. Who is this stranger? Where is your sweet sunshine? But it’s the same face and the same smile and the same love for the broken shell you are… only he’s lost his patience. He’s not waiting anymore. So you try, you really try, to return his love a little, just to thank him for all he’s done.

and

Finally, she kisses you back, just a little, gently, as if to say this and no more. But you sense the hesitation there in her lips and don’t give in. You, before she can give up on you, pull off her shirt (it’s a simple tee and it goes over her head pretty easily. She shudders, and you pull her against your bare chest, your too-big fingers fumbling with the clasp of her bra.

and

You shudder and look desperately around. “Stop,” you whisper, and he doesn’t, only smiles a little. You know he won’t hurt you. He can’t hurt you. He’s the only person in the world you can trust. You need him. You can’t live without him. You can’t let him take himself away from you, not like this.

and

“Shh, Bella,” you say softly, gently. You run your thumbs up and down her sides, your lips dancing on hers, and then all over the structure of her face and neck, and you revel in the feeling of it. But the most important thing is that you’re doing this for her, to prove she loves you too, and you have to keep going.

and

“Stop!” you scream. As his hands dip lower and lower, reaching for the button on your plain gray pants, you place yours against his chest and try desperately to push him away. He only growls. You sob once. “Please, Jake. Stop.”

and

The sound of your name recalls you to yourself. She doesn’t sound like she loves you. She sounds terrified. You release her suddenly, regretting it as she staggers. You grab her shirt from the ground and return it to her. “God. Bells, I’m so sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to…”

and

“Mean to what? Try to rape me?” You don’t expect the harshness in your own voice, but you could have easily predicted the way you start to cry, a mix of fury and desperation. He has betrayed you, and still you need him, still you know that you can’t live without him. Because you know he loves you and he really didn’t mean to hurt you, no matter how much you’ve been hurt.

and

You wince. “No. I didn’t. I meant to show you I loved you,” you whisper. “Forgive me, please. I love you. I don’t think I could bear it, Bella, if you have to try to survive alone because of my mistake.” It’s the truth—it’s her loneliness that would be hardest to get through, worse than your guilt, worse than your sorrow and unrequited love.

and

You turn and run, crying. “Bye, Jake.” Your voice breaks as you clutch your discarded clothing, and flee from him as fast as you can. It feels so wrong, running away from your comfort this way. But you don’t have any choice. He doesn’t come after you, and that helps. A little.

and

You have no choice but to let her run away. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” you hiss at yourself. You know, you know, that you love her, that you’d have died before you’d hurt her. But one thing just… led to another. You didn’t know she wanted you to stop. “But she told you to!” But you didn’t know she meant it, really meant it, wasn’t just afraid of her pain. “Stop making excuses. You just almost raped the girl you love, you idiot!” You put your head in your hands and let the guilt eat you from the inside out.

and

You’re back the next day, walking beside him, hand in hand, the friendly comfort of touch, because you can’t stay away. Neither of you mentions it ever again. And you never quite forgive him.