(Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Little Pilots Lounge. I received a free sample of the product for the purpose of this review. All opinions are my own.)

Check out this adorable airplane pillow from Little Pilots Lounge! As soon as my package arrived I couldn’t open it fast enough – my son was SUPER excited when I showed him that it also had his name on it!

The 18″x18″ pillow goes perfectly with his airplane-themed room. I just love it!

Brian Brassaw, the owner of Little Pilots Lounge, has a wife who is a pilot. (Yay for pilot husbands!) He started out by making pillows as a surprise for his wife; soon after, his designs became so popular that he started an Etsy shop and then his own website.

Aaaaaand just because he thinks that The Flight Wife readers are so awesome, he’s doing a giveaway!! How awesome is that?! One of you will win your very own personalized pillow, valued at $44.95!

Also, anyone who uses the code THEPILOTSWIFE will get 20% off anything in the store – score!! Get on over to the Little Pilots Lounge and check out Brian’s products! Don’t forget to enter the giveaway below. The winner will be announced next Wednesday, August 24th. Good luck!

For all of you pilot wife mamas out there, you’re doing a great job. Seriously. I know we worry about whether our kids are affected by Dad being gone a lot, we wonder if we’re doing this whole thing right, or if they will hate us all later in life. The good news – our kids are doing just fine. Great, in fact. Because you are doing an awesome job!

I interviewed a whole bunch of pilot kids to get their perspective on what it’s like to have a dad who flies for a living. See their hilarious and heartwarming responses in the video below…

I hope you liked it as much as I did! All the kids were so great and honestly, some of the BEST behaved, well-mannered, and articulate kids I’ve ever met. Not to mention well traveled! Keep up the good work.

For the second part of the Pilot Marriage Shake-Up: Dating Challenge, we went on a date that my husband, Scott, planned. He even managed to keep it a surprise! (Here’s how the first date went, in case you missed it.)

It started out by him driving me to the secret location. I was a mixture of nervous and excited – what if he picked something lame? Okay, I knew the chances of that happening were slim to none, but you never know.

We pulled up to a building and I saw the front sign – Shooter’s World! My jaw flew open and I looked at Scott. “Are we going shooting?! Like, gun shooting?!” “Yep,” he smiled. YESSSSS!!! I had always wanted to go to a shooting range, and neither of us had ever done it before. (Obviously, since that’s one of the rules of the challenge.)

We went inside, got our gear, and were helped by a super nice guy behind the counter who helped us choose which gun we wanted to use. There are SO many to choose from, I had no idea of the vast amount of different types of guns available.

Once we got into the shooting area, it was intimidating. There were all sorts of guns being fired, and I didn’t grow up being around guns so it was all new to me. The first shot I took, the shell flew into the front of my shirt! (Also good to know – shells are hot.)

After a few minutes getting over nerves, though, it was so much fun. What a rush! We took turns shooting at the target, and I’m not gonna lie, my husband looks pretty sexy while shooting.

After we went through all of our ammo, we turned our stuff back in, and headed to our next destination. He took me to a restaurant called the Salty Sow and all I could think of was bacon, so this place must be awesome.

I was not disappointed. The drinks were amazing, the food was fantastic, and we went through the second set of questions together. Maybe it was the adrenaline still pumping, or the martini I was drinking, or both, but I felt that familiar connection with my husband that reminded me of how I felt early in our relationship. I loved the effort he took in planning our date and making sure I had fun. And it was SO different than any of our other dates!

Like I mentioned before, there is science behind the Marriage Shake-Up Dating Challenge. Studies show that couples who try new things together have happier relationships, and are more satisfied.

“The more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time,” says Howard Markman, a psychologist who co-directs the university’s Center for Marital and Family Studies. “The correlation between fun and marital happiness is high, and significant.” (Source.)

My thoughts exactly! We didn’t do the awkward stare at the restaurant this time, but waited until we were home in bed. We set the timer, and it seemed like the time went by much faster even though it was actually a minute longer. We talked more, and laughed, and one thing led to another… You can guess how it went from there. Let’s just say that I think my husband will be planning more adventures in the near future. I can’t wait!

Next up is the date we plan together – stay tuned for how it goes! If you’d like to join the Pilot Wife Dating Challenge Facebook group to stay updated and get more dating ideas, go here. We love sharing stories!

And to see the Dating Challenge rules and how it works, go here. Happy dating!

Are you tired of being disorganized and stressed about time? You’re not alone. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s losing time (and sleep!) over things that are easily preventable with just a little extra planning on my part. I got sick of having to scramble to remember things (when I should have written them down), and having all my calendars and to-do lists all over the place. Seriously, I have post-it notes everywhere.

Running a blog, website, photography business, working part-time, and having two small kiddos while my husband is gone for days at a time keeps me busy. I can’t afford to lose time to being disorganized, so I had to come up with a system that works. And if there’s one thing I love, it’s sharing what works for me with other busy pilots’ wives.

That’s why I’m so excited to launch my new product, The Pilot WifeStyle Guide™!! I put my heart and soul into making this the best, most comprehensive collection of the things that are most important. Now I have all my lists, calendars, and contacts in ONE place. I finally have my shit together! And the best part? It’s pretty to look at, too!

This is it – my secret to staying organized, getting everything done, and staying sane while living this insane lifestyle. Never before has this type of guide been created to help with all things pilot wife-related. And now it’s available at your fingertips!

Travel printouts for packing, listing yourself to non-rev, and even a packing list for the kids. Everything you need to make your trip as smooth as possible.

There’s even a printout to note things to discuss with your pilot – no more forgetting what you needed to tell them!

Seriously, this guide is jam-packed with the most invaluable pilot wife info. The first of its kind, you won’t find this material, all in once place, anywhere else. What are you waiting for? Download your copy of the Pilot WifeStyle Guide™ and get organized! Pilot wife-ing like a boss.

Now on sale for $19! This is a limited time offer, price will be going up to $29 soon. Buy now and save 34%!

A couple days after I published that post we went on our first date, planned by me. My husband kept trying to guess what we were doing, but no dice.

Here is me with my giddy face on, getting ready to drive him to the super-secret location…

So what did I have planned?? A visit to the Splatter Room at a cool little place called Pinspiration in Phoenix. This place is a dream; you walk in, pick a project you like, and then get to make it and take it home. They take care of the mess and the supplies, you just get to create. Awesome, right?

Anyway, the Splatter Room is pretty self-explanatory, you go in, hurl a bunch of paint at a canvas, and voila, you are now an artist. But the best part? They also throw in a cheese plate and champagne. There’s a bar, people. I was sold.

We headed inside and I could see the inquisitive look on my husband’s face, a mixture of hesitation (What the heck is this place) and resignation (sigh, of course she picked something Pinterest-related). My husband is not the excitable type. He could say he’s excited and still look like he does when he’s watching the news. Which is probably a good thing for a pilot, I don’t know.

But anyway, he took a look around and noticed the bar, and I heard the audible sucking in of air as he gasped a little and whispered, “Oh, they have IPAs here.” He may not be an excitable guy, but he is definitely a beer guy. Wife points!

Luckily there’s a bar!

Finally, I told him what we were doing and it looked like relief washed over him. I don’t know what he thought we would be doing, but apparently splattering paint seemed way better. Is that some excitement I sense??

We were given some zip-up painting onesies and booties and told to suit up. Then we were brought to a back room where there was literally paint covering every surface of every wall. This was gonna be good.

The lady who had been helping us turned off the lights, and all of a sudden there were black lights and a disco ball and the paint was glowing. Party time!

We started off a little shy, but in no time we were launching paint across the room onto our canvas. We started giggling, and then when one of my paint brush heads broke off mid-throw and smacked against the canvas leaving a giant splotch, we started laughing so hard we could barely breathe. Of all the things I know to be therapeutic, I had no idea that flinging paint would be one of them. It was awesome.

We randomly decided to each draw a heart right in the middle, and decided our masterpiece was finished.

While it dried, we were led back to the front to enjoy our drinks and cheese plate (delish!) and I decided to tell my husband what was next – dinner at a little place nearby we’d never tried. On the inside, I was hoping it was as good as the reviews said it was because I really wanted to keep this momentum going. Before we left, he told me that he had really enjoyed it and that I had “set the bar high for our next date.” Success!

We put the painting in the car and walked to the restaurant. As soon as we walked in I relaxed. This place was totally our type; laid-back with a swanky vibe, and we even got seated in the couch lounge! Fun!

We ordered our drinks and food decided to go over the 1st date questions. They started off simple enough, and then got more interesting.

Now let me tell you, my husband and I have been together for 12 years, and married for almost 10. We’ve both heard the same stories over and over, (usually inducing eye rolls) and we know each other very well. But as we talked over these questions, I learned things about my husband that I didn’t know.

How was that even possible?! I think I’ve just forgotten to check in. I got lazy, and figured I already know him as much as I ever will, but that’s apparently not true. People change. I’ve changed in 12 years, so why wouldn’t he? It was eye-opening, to say the least.

We ended up talking hours, like we used to when we were first dating. Why has it been so long since we’ve talked like this? I already knew the answer to this, even as I asked it. Life, kids, work, stress. All of it gets in between us. But as we talked, I felt those things melt away, and I felt feelings for him that have been kind of dormant re-blossom. This is the guy I married, don’t you remember him?

This is what reconnecting looks like 🙂

Suddenly I remembered the staring-at-each-other part of the date, and reached for my phone to start the timer. We faced each other and settled in, and kind of nervously laughed for the first ten seconds or so. But then it turned into comfortable silence, and it just felt nice. A few seconds before the timer was going to go off, our server came by and our stare was broken. Dang it! We decided to try again later that night.

Once we got home and paid the babysitter, we headed to bed. We got into our PJs and after we were under the sheets, we tried the staring again. This time it was quiet, no distractions. It took us a few seconds to get comfortable again, but it wasn’t as awkward as I thought. It was like taking a moment to just be together.

The best part about the whole night had been just being together. For a few hours, we didn’t have to be Mom or Dad, we didn’t have responsibilities, and didn’t have any of the day-to-day worries that usually plague our relationship. We were just us again. And it was magical. Thisis how we fell in love, I thought, those familiar feelings filling me up again. Our only goal had been to have a good time and enjoy each other’s company. But we got more out of it. So, so much more.

I can’t wait to see what he has planned for next week! (Update: Here’s how the second date went.)

I urge you to try the dating challenge, we’re only one date in and the results were even better than I was expecting. To see the guidelines and join for yourself, see the original post here.

Have you felt like your marriage is in a rut lately? Or maybe that you and your pilot haven’t been as close as you have in the past? Well I have something awesome in store for you, and I can’t wait to share it!

What if I told you there was a way to get that sizzle back, to get those flames burning between you again? What if I told you there was a way to feel in love again? Would you take the challenge?

The good news is that there is a way. The better news? It’s actually fun!

Written by Mary Len Catron, the article tested out a theory based on a study conducted by psychologist Arthur Aron over 20 years ago. The theory is that based on mutually asking 36 questions, two strangers can end up falling in love. In fact, during the study, two strangers did end up falling in love, and got married six months later. (Read the article to see what happened when Catron tried it herself.)

After reading the 36 questions, participants were made to stare into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. What?! I know, it seems like it would be super awkward. But we’re talking about our spouses! The people we are spending the rest of our lives with, who have seen us naked and in compromising positions. We can do this, I promise. Besides, it’s based on science.

So let me ask you, are you ready to shake things up?

I know I am. Maybe it’s because I watch too much Bachelor/Bachelorette, but I feel like our dates have been kind of blah lately. We will have been married for 10 years this fall, and although we try to have at least one date a month, I can’t remember the last time it wasn’t dinner and a movie, or something similar.

I want to have fun again!

I decided to create a 3-date challenge and, using the questions from the study, see what would happen in my own marriage if I tried it myself. But not just any dates – dates that would be memorable. Dates that would bring us close again. Dates that would make our early dating dates peanut butter and jealous.

And I want you to reap the benefits.

So I’m going to start the challenge, and each week post what happens afterwards. I am putting myself up as tribute, people! You’re welcome.

How it works: You will be going on 3 (awesome) dates, each one accompanied by a series of 12 questions that are designed to get you closer. There are also rules for each date, which are below. After the questions, there is an amount of time specified for staring into each other’s eyes. (Is it weird that I’m nervous about that part?)

So, where do we start? With the rules of course. Here is the outline for the challenge:

Rules:

The challenge consists of going on 3 dates, held as close together time-wise as possible. (Hey, I get it, we’re talking about pilots here.) The point is to not lose momentum. The best scenario would be completing all 3 dates within a month.

Along with each date is a series of 12 questions, to be read and discussed by both of you during the second portion of the date.

Remember to keep the date a secret – you want it to be a surprise!

Some things to note – You can totally be creative with this! For instance, a “meal at a place you’ve never been before” can be a picnic at a park, or takeout you bring to a drive-in movie. It doesn’t have to be super expensive, but it does need to have effort behind it. You want to show your spouse that they are still worth putting effort into, because they are! So have fun with it, and get creative.

Our first date is this weekend and I can’t wait to share how it goes. I planned something fun and definitely different than our normal dates, and my husband keeps pestering me about what we’re doing. It’s actually really fun keeping him in the dark and it’s giving us both something to look forward to.

So, are you in?

If you’re ready to shake things up in your marriage, join us in the dating challenge and see where it takes you! I can’t wait to hear what happens! Get ready for part 2 next week…

To go along with the Marriage Shake-Up dating series, here are more than 35 ideas for date night – use some of these or come up with your own to create some new memorable experiences! It’s not really as much about what you’re doing as it is about the experience you have together. Memories are the things that bring us closer and keep us bonded. Go make some memories!

*Quick Tip: Check out Groupon for things to do in your area that are also at a discount. Look under the “Things To Do” section to find classes, activities, and events you might not otherwise know about!

1. Head to an adult arcade.

Nothing gets your blood pumping like a little competition! Collect tickets and turn them in to get the cheesiest prizes you can find. Bonus points for booze involved!

2. Go to a concert.

Seeing your fave bands is a great way to spend some time together.

3. Go on a brewery or factory tour.

We had a blast when we visited the Coors brewery in Denver. It’s pretty awesome to see not only how beer is made, but how it’s packaged. Mesmerizing, I say. Not to mention the tasting part! Look for breweries, distilleries, or any type of factory in your area and schedule a tour. Informational and surprisingly fun!

4. Go Kart Racing

Again, being competitive can bring you together. And the couple that races together, stays together.

5. Do a restaurant tour.

Find a group of restaurants in your area (bonus points if you’ve never been) and go to one for drinks, another for apps, and another for dessert.

6. Travel your city like tourists.

Look up places that are fun to visit, and head out for a drive. We’ve both lived in our city for over 10 years and still haven’t done everything!

7. Check out a local sports game.

Because who doesn’t love being at a game? Even if you’re not a sports fan, there’s still a snack bar. And usually adult beverages. Win/win.

8. Take a cooking class.

Look on Groupon for deals or just do an online search for cooking classes in your area. I’m dying to learn to make sushi and haven’t done it yet. Definitely on the list!

9. Take a workout class.

Working up a sweat has a ton of benefits, and when you’re with your significant other you can challenge each other and have fun at the same time. Just don’t hurt yourselves, that’s a sure way to ruin your day.

10. Go horseback riding.

Again, this has been on my list for ages. I’ve been horseback riding, just not with my husband. Time to get on it!

11. Go roller skating/ice skating.

When is the last time you’ve been roller skating or ice skating? Go out and race each other or just for a fun time.

12. Do game night with a twist – loser has to do chores or sexual favors.

Uno, poker, Twister, or Battleship, for starters. Pick a game and pick what you’re playing for. Back rubs, cleaning, whatever you like!

13. Watch airplanes take off and land.

I used to love doing this with my husband when we both worked at the same airline. We could sit and watch planes all day. It’s been a while, but this is still high on my list.

14. Go to a paint night.

These are usually paired with wine or drinks, and are super fun! Compare your artwork and display it at home when you’re done.

15. Take a picnic to the park.

Pack up some favorite foods and head to your local park for a sweet little rendezvous.

16. Have a wine/beer/cheese/chocolate tasting.

Head to the grocery store (or specialty store) and pick up some different wines and beer, as well as different cheeses and chocolates. (As well as meats and crackers if you like.) Create your own pairings and see what you come up with. This one is fun and delicious.

17. Mini golf.

If you’re feeling nostalgic, head to the mini course and challenge each other to a round or two.

18. Visit a museum exhibit or art gallery.

There are usually all kinds of different museums and exhibits to check out, pick a random one and see what you find!

19. Go bowling.

Get your strike on and spend some time knocking over pins (and knocking back a few drinks) for a good time.

20. Take a gun course.

If you’ve always wanted to learn to shoot or if you’re a pro already, find a gun range and have a blast! (Pun intended.)

21. Rent a boat.

Whether it’s a sailboat, motorboat, or paddle boat, spending time on the water is always a good time.

22. See a comedy or improv show.

Comedy is a great way to spend an evening, and who doesn’t love to laugh?

23. Go to the (live) theater.

See a ballet, opera, or local play.

24. Have a fondue night.

Look up recipes and use different veggies, meats, and cheese. Don’t forget to do chocolate for dessert!

25. Have a day date.

Make or go out to brunch and take in a matinee.

26. Go for drinks at a bar you’ve never been to.

Or bar hop, if you’re up for it.

27. Wine tasting/tour.

Find a local winery (or a few) and do a tour. Wine tastings are fun and tasty!

28. Pottery class.

Making something together is always fun, and being able to keep your creations is even better.

29. Go hiking or biking.

Get physical and head out into nature to enjoy each other’s company in the great outdoors.

30. Visit a botanical garden.

See the beauty of all kinds of different plants and vegetation from your area and beyond.

31. Go paint balling.

Gear up and head out to get down and dirty.

32. Watch a roller derby match.

Watch different teams duke it out on skates and bet on your favorite.

33. Hit up a casino.

Play the tables or the slots, and see who can win the most cash!

34. Go on a hot air balloon ride.

See your area from a completely different view!

35. Have a staycation overnight at a resort.

Hotel room + no kids = fun every time.

36. Go to a theme park or fair.

Cotton candy, rides, and games? Yes, please.

37. Check out your town’s festivals.

Food trucks, beer & bacon, art, and hot air balloon festivals are a few types we’ve been to, and they’re always so fun!

The most important thing is to have fun, keep it fresh, and enjoy each other’s company. Happy dating!

As adults, it can be hard to make new friends. As a pilot’s wife, it can feel almost impossible at times. Why? Because with kids, a full schedule (whether you work or stay at home), and a husband who’s gone for work, there’s little time left over for ourselves, let alone for making friends. (Or cleaning. Ha!) But I’m here to tell you that making friends is so important – especially as the wife of a pilot.

Whether you have one of each type or just a few friends who are a combination of these, let’s go through them and see why each is important to have in our lives, shall we?

Other Pilot Wives

This starts off our list because it’s important. No one gets it like other pilot wives, which is why it’s good to have them as friends. We need each other to share the ups and downs of aviation life, as it comes with its own stressors and unique circumstances. It doesn’t matter which airline you’re with, or whether you’re regional or mainline; having a friend who understands bidding, schedules, domiciles, non-revving, being alone, and commuting is priceless. (Psst… Look online. The Pilots’ Wives group on Facebook is a great place to start – you can also find groups for wives of each airline, pilot wives with kids, and other groups specified by city/state.)

The Neighbor

This friend can be absolutely indispensable to a pilot’s wife. I’ve had neighbors help me with child care, after school care, dead car batteries, and other small crises that are part of being home alone part-time. You don’t get to choose your neighbors obviously, but it really helps to try and get to know them. (Also check out any neighborhood gatherings or meet-ups; you can find friends more than one house away!)

The Online Girlfriend

You know her, she’s the one whose points you agree with in online groups, who’s had your back on certain topics, and who made you take the leap and hit that friend request button.

You’ve shared private messages, supported each other behind-the-scenes, and chatted away an entire evening because you just click. You would love to meet her in person if, you know, your benefits actually worked and you didn’t have 3 kids to watch by yourself. Until then, thank goodness for the Internet.

The Used-To-Be-Internet-Only-But-Now-You’ve-Met-In-Person Friend

Sometimes you DO get lucky enough to meet someone in person you’ve only ever met online – and it can be magical. I had the opportunity to go to a pilot wife meet-up in Sedona recently and I can’t tell you how awesome it was! We all drank together, laughed together, hiked together, and became instant friends. One of the best trips of my life so far. If you ever get the chance to meet another pilot wife in person – do it! You never know where that friendship could take you.

Meeting other pilot wives in Sedona – it was a blast!

The Veteran Pilot Wife

Oh, yes. This friend is like a gold mine. She’s been there and back and will help you through it, too. She knows how tough your life is right now, and she totally feels for you. The best part? She gives you hope. Because one day, you too will be done with diapers and vomit and, “Mom! Moooooooooom!!! I neeeeeeed you!!”

You’ll be able to shower. And not show up somewhere with Cheerios and spit-up in places you didn’t know they could be. You’ll get sleep. SLEEP, people!! And not the kind that’s interrupted every couple hours. That’s right, I’m talking about 8 hours of solid silence with no body parts digging into your ribs. That day will come. And this friend will keep you going because she represents the light at the end of the tunnel. Good pay AND a good schedule?! That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

The Bestie

This is the friend you’ve had since before high school. You’ve gone through bad hairstyles, bad outfits, and bad boyfriends together. You may not live in the same state, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pick up the phone and pick right back up where you left off. Now instead of boyfriends you talk about your marriages, and instead of homeroom gossip you talk about raising kids. You still laugh together, and you still cry together. And you can look back with amazement on a solid friendship that has lasted for years. It’s the friendship you can always count on to still be there no matter what happens, and especially when stuff happens. She will always be there for you, and you will do the same.

The Other Bestie

This is the friend you have that lives nearby that knows all about the day-to-day stuff that happens. She’s there to meet you for coffee or playdates, and is always ready to go shopping or just hang out at your house or hers for some much-needed wine and girl time. If your two besties ever meet, they become insta-friends as well. Because let’s face it, your taste in friends is awesome.

The Listener/Therapist

This is the friend who is always there to listen to your problems and empathize with you. She understands you and has the best advice. She’s never judgmental or critical; she simply listens and is there for you. Whether you need to complain, vent, or cry, this is your girl.

The Fun One

She’s the one who plans themed parties, who jumps at the chance to cheer you up if you need it by taking you out for drinks, and who knows the best places around town to entertain the kiddos. Don’t have plans? She’s happy to make them for you, as she’s always coming up with new ideas and ways to enjoy life. Her happiness rubs off and her laugh is contagious; you always feel better after spending time together.

The Cheerleader

She’s your support and your number one fan. She believes in you and makes you believe in yourself, too. She is the one who’s there for you, cheering you on even when you feel like you have nothing left. She reminds you what a great mom you are when you’re at the end of your rope, and she’s there to tell you that you can handle anything. (Remember when your husband was gone for training and you handled it all? And the kids were alive and fed AND happy? You’ve got this.) She is a great comfort when you get too down on yourself, and that’s what makes her a great friend to have.

Stay happy, friends! Surround yourself with supportive people and grow your tribe. It’s important to have a good circle to help you survive and thrive in this crazy lifestyle.

We all have husbands with different schedules. Some are home weekends, most are home during the week, and some are gone for weeks at a time. But one thing we all have in common is taking care of the kids – alone – for extended periods.

And we all know that kids are different, and some handle Dad’s schedule better than others. Here are a few ways to keep your kids distracted from dwelling on the fact that he’s gone.

Fill Your Tank

I am putting this first because it is the most important thing you can do. You cannot effectively do any of the following if you don’t do this first. You must take care of yourself if you want to be fully present for your kids. I know it’s hard, I get it. We are constantly pulled in all different directions, wear a million different hats, and have all sorts of responsibilities. But your happiest self comes from your cared-for self, so do your family a favor and find what recharges you and what gives you joy, and make it a priority. Fill your tank!

Acknowledge Feelings

Lord knows I have my moments of missing my husband, so why should it be different for my kids? If my son starts asking when Daddy is coming home or gets a little clingier than normal, I know it’s because he’s missing him. So I acknowledge those feelings instead of brushing them off, because it’s important that he feels heard. “Are you sad that Dad is gone? I understand. It’s okay to be sad about it. Should we call him later before bed?” He usually nods, and we’re good to go. Then we move on to something else. (Unless he really needs to talk about something, but usually just getting that out in the open is a huge help.)

Do Things Without Dad

I refuse to schedule everything around my husband. I would go crazy if I did – his schedule is so unpredictable that it would be impossible anyway. I want to show my kids that we can do things without Dad and still have fun! There’s no reason to mope around the house when we could be having adventures instead. The best part is that it gives my son something exciting to tell Daddy when he talks to him next. Family time is always the most important, but strengthening the bond with our kids one-on-one is something not every mom has a chance to do, and I think it’s great.

Give Them Something To Look Forward To

It’s much easier to manage feeling sad when you know there’s an end in sight. I have a calendar that my son uses to count the days until Daddy gets home, but now he’ll randomly announce, “Daddy comes home in just 2 more days!” We usually plan to do at least one thing together when he gets home, so I’ll also add, “And then we get to go to the park/go on a bike ride/go out to lunch all together!” When kids have something to look forward to, they don’t dwell on the fact that Dad is gone, but that he’s coming back.

Show Them How It’s Done

How I handle my husband being gone absolutely rubs off on my kids. I know they are constantly watching what I do, and I want to be a good example. So when I miss my husband I talk about it, because I want my kids to know it’s good to talk about how we feel. I also try to show them that the world doesn’t end just because he’s gone. Not only does it go on, but we are allowed to enjoy ourselves as well.

Make Your Time Special

Like I said before, being able to bond with our kids one-on-one is something that not all parents get to do. Sure, I complain about being a part-time single parent, it’s crazy hard sometimes! But there’s a positive side to everything, in my opinion. I’m not saying that every day has to be a holiday, or that you have to kill yourself trying to be a Pinterest supermom. But little things can have the biggest effect.

Sometimes I’ll do silly things like make breakfast for dinner, or have a picnic with my kids in the living room, or take them out to eat on a weekday (a rare treat). You have no idea how much kids appreciate mommy time. They will remember it long afterwards, and when their little tanks are full, they feel good about themselves and the world around them.

How do you distract your kids while your husband is gone? Let me know in the comments below!

With spring break coming up right around the corner, I know there are a lot of travel plans being made. Being a former flight attendant, I have a few packing tips up my sleeve that I think can help even the most seasoned traveler.

Back in my flying days I averaged over 700 flights a year; packing became second nature, and I learned about what NOT to do as well. Are you planning a trip soon? Check out these tips and see what you think!

Make Lists

Lists are vital if you want to avoid last-minute packing panic. Making your list at least a week out when you’re not stressing is best. Plus, it eases your mind when you have it already written out and all you have to do is cross things off the list. I don’t know about you, but I love crossing things off lists – so satisfying!

Choosing what is vitally important and what isn’t is the biggest packing obstacle there is. To bring or not to bring? That is the question. Most of the time, the answer is not to bring. Paring down can be hard, but it’s necessary if you don’t want to haul around 20 lbs. of unnecessary items. (And if you’re flying, every pound counts.) So, here are a few guidelines I follow to make my life easier when I travel, and hopefully they’ll help you, too!

The Three Shoe Rule

There are only 3 types of shoes you’ll need on any trip. Dressy, flat, and casual. For dressy, find a pair of versatile heels you can wear with anything, to dress up your jeans or complement an evening dress. Black goes with everything, of course, but don’t feel you have to limit yourself to it.

For flats, comfort is key. These are for walking, exploring, and daily activities where you need a cute shoe that’s also comfy. Tieks are out of my budget (oh so cute, though!), but there are a million different types of cute flats you can find (I found the ones pictured at Walmart!) Just make sure you break them in before your trip. (Also, riding boots count as flats.)

For your casual pair, sneakers (or workout shoes), flip-flops, or a pair of sandals work great. Follow the 3 shoe rule and you’ll be covered!

Tip: Always put shoes near the base of your suitcase so that when you turn it upright, they don’t smash your clothes when gravity kicks in.

Bonus Tip: Wear your bulkiest pair of shoes while you’re traveling so that your smaller shoes stay in your bag and take up less room.

Bring Mix & Match Basics

Now that you know how to make your shoes versatile, do the same with your outfits. How to tell if something is versatile? You should be able to wear it at least twice during your trip without anyone noticing. A few of my favorite basics are jeans (naturally), a solid color dress that can be worn in the daytime or dressed up with heels and accessories for nighttime, a denim jacket (cute and useful!), and a pair of both white and black skinny jeans or shorts depending on weather. Add 5 shirts (a couple casual and some more dressy) and that’s 10 items that will last me 2 weeks!

Need some ideas on what to wear? Head over to my pal Lindsey’s blog at www.apilotswife.com for tons of super cute outfit inspiration ideas from a fellow pilot’s wife!

Roll With It

Once you’ve decided what is most important to pack, it’s also good to know how to pack your things to make the most of the room in your suitcase. It’s much better for your clothes to roll them rather than fold them. Rolling helps prevent wrinkles, which is great because who has time to iron on vacation?! It also allows for more room. When in doubt, roll it out, but remember to allow enough room for clothes to breathe. If you smash too many clothes all together you’ll have wrinkles no matter how much you roll. Roll with it, sista.

Store Jewelry Together

Obviously, don’t bring your most expensive or valuable jewelry with you when you travel. For what you do bring, having a designated travel case for your jewelry is smart and also helps keep you organized. I can’t remember where I found the one I have in the picture, but I’m sure you can find something similar on Amazon. Make sure it’s small enough that you can’t over pack that, either.

Tip: if you can fit your jewelry case in your carry-on or purse, that’s the best way to go. Even if it’s not valuable, you still don’t want to lose it.

You Can Never Have Enough Bags

Ziploc, that is. Use the big ones to store your liquid items (shampoo, conditioner, hairspray, perfume, etc.) and you’ll thank me later. Luggage can go through some crazy handling (not to mention pressurization) during its journey from one place to another, and I can’t tell you how many times my clothing has been saved by a plastic bag carrying my liquids. Bonus points if you remember to bring extra, you can use them for all sorts of things. (Like keeping shoes away from your clothing or to hold wet swimsuits!)

Tip: Bring a designated laundry bag. I hate coming back from a trip and not being able to tell what’s clean and what’s dirty, so I end up just throwing everything in the wash. Ever since I started bringing a dirty clothes bag with me, there’s no more unnecessary laundry!

Keep Extras In Your Suitcase

Life is so much easier when you have duplicates. (Except for kids. Hahaha, I just crack myself up!) Keep a spare phone charger in your suitcase all the time and you’ll never forget one again. (This is in the top 3 for items left at home.) Also keep an extra toothbrush and anything else you couldn’t live without if you forgot it at home.

Make Your Luggage Stand Out

Seems like a no-brainer, but I STILL see a million plain black roll-aboards making their way around the luggage carousel in baggage claim every time I fly. (Yeah, that’s right, it’s not “rollerboard,” contrary to popular mispronunciation/misspelling – that’s another blog post entirely.)

Make your bag stand out, people! Whether you use travel stickers (fun!), a cool vintage suitcase (I love my little blue one, pictured), or tie fancy ribbons on the handle, it’s priceless and oh-so-time-saving to be able to pluck your bag from the others with ease.

I hope you enjoyed my essential packing tips! Please leave a comment with any tips of your own you’d like to add, I would love to hear them!

So, you want to be friends with a pilot’s wife? Welcome to the dark side, we have wine! But first, I have to let you in on a few “insider” secrets. We can be complicated, and sometimes being friends with us takes a little more work than “normal”. Many people don’t understand our lifestyle (I mean, it’s not that unconventional, we don’t have a special on TLC – yet, anyway) and all that comes with being friends with us. It can be confusing keeping up with it all, so here are a few things you should know so that you don’t think we’re crazy.

We are alone. A lot.

When our husbands are gone, it’s usually for days (sometimes weeks) at a time. This means we do everything – and I mean everything – while he’s gone. So if we don’t answer the phone or your texts right away, it usually means we are wrangling up kids or trying to concoct something edible or attempting to take a shower while we have 5 minutes by ourselves. Don’t take it personally.

We aren’t loaded.

I know, I know. We’re pretty sad about it too. But alas, it’s the truth. While a good number of pilots make a decent living, the majority are nowhere near rolling in it. In fact, some are even near poverty level, especially in the early stages of their careers. (Just in case you don’t believe me, read this.)

So if you see us using coupons, or mentioning how we’re on a budget, it’s the truth.

We can’t plan six months from now.

Our lives are dictated by our husband’s schedule, as hard as that is to admit. We can still plan around him (and usually do, to save our sanity) if we want to do things without him, but asking us if we can go with you as a couple to that concert in the spring or if we’ll be available for a weekend trip six months from now can get tricky.

It works like this: pilots have seniority based on their hire date. They bid for monthly schedules, and are awarded their schedule based on their position on the roster. So they can try to get certain days off, but it’s never guaranteed. When they actually find out their schedule is also a factor, as this can range from 1-3 weeks before the month starts.

In short, if we say we don’t know their schedule yet, we really don’t. We know it’s frustrating; it frustrates us, too!

Speaking of not knowing things, no, we really don’t know where he is.

I know, this seems super weird right? How does anyone not know where their husband is? Again, it’s complicated. They can sometimes fly up to 8 or more cities a day, or even multiple countries a day. It would take spreadsheets, charts, and a whole lot of vodka coffee to keep up with their schedules.

It’s kind of like asking you if you know exactly what your kid is doing every hour in school. You know your kid is at school, and you have an idea of when lunch is and you know when they’ll be home, right? Do you know where he is at 9:24 am? What class is he in at 11:48 am? How about at 1:37 pm? What do you mean you don’t know? Don’t you love your child?!

There’s no point in keeping track of every class when you know your child is at school. It’s the same for us. When he’s flying, he’s flying, and when he’s home, he’s home. If you grasp this concept, we’re going to be besties real quick.

Your stability means the world to us. And so does your flexibility.

Really, they do. Because in our chaotic world, nothing is better than knowing that there’s stability out there somewhere. Having the security that we can count on you if we have an emergency or accident is priceless to us, since it’s inevitable that things will happen when our husbands are gone. (Seriously, it’s called Pilot’s Law.) And being able to rely on you when we need someone is absolutely invaluable.

We also need friends who are flexible. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control (canceled flights, weather, other weird happenings that only seem to occur to piss us off) and it can mess up any plans we have last-minute. When you can roll with the punches like we have to, it’s a huge deal, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

Please don’t stop inviting us – just understand if we can’t make it… again.

Just because we can’t make it this time doesn’t mean we can’t ever make it. We honestly try to make an effort, because we know that our friendship is a little more high-maintenance than others. Trust me; it bums us out when we can’t make it to events too.

Which is not to say that we won’t ever do things just because our husband isn’t home. On the contrary, a lot of times I make plans without my husband simply because I’m not going to stop living life just because he’s not there. There are plenty of times I’ve hired a sitter for girls’ night or a movie date with a friend. But sometimes, due to his job, it’s just impossible to do certain things. If I can come alone to a function, great, and if not, I’ll try to make it work.

Also, if you stand next to me at said BBQ and lovingly shove all the other people who joke that my husband must be make-believe, I’ll probably buy you something pretty.

There’s a plus side, I promise.

If you made it through all that and still want to be friends, you’re a keeper. Even though there’s a bunch I just listed that seems like a lot to put up with, pilot wives are a blast to be friends with. We’re not all the same, but we share a lot of similar characteristics. You’ll never find a more loyal friend, and every single pilot wife I know will jump at the chance to help others. (Mostly because if we find a good one, we don’t want to let go of your leg as you’re trying to leave. Wait… don’t go. Just stay five more minutes.)

We are adventurous and independent, we’re empathetic and we return favors like nobody’s business. (For a list of all the reasons why we’re pretty great, see this post.)

You volunteer to help out with our kids one night or bring over dinner? Friends for life. Expect that generosity to be returned to you tenfold. You know, right after we get through this 5-day trip.

And since having backup as a pilot’s wife is essential, if you’re a part of that team, thank you. We appreciate you sticking around more than you know.

Hey, you brought wine?!?! I can tell we’re going to be great friends already.

If you’ve picked up a copy of Glamour magazine in say, the last decade or so, you’ve likely read their column, “Hey, It’s OK”. I love it, because it’s about why it’s okay to be your quirky little self when it comes to certain things.

I decided to make a pilot wife edition, so we can all unite in the glorious quirks some of us have – together!

I now present to you, the Flight Wife’s version of Hey, It’s OK…

… if you don’t know where your hubby is right this minute. Or hell, even where he’s overnighting. This is, in fact, quite normal. What are you, a GPS?

… if you’re making PB&J for dinner. Again. Hey, it’s a staple for a reason.

… if you throw your laundry on the floor and don’t make the bed. Who’s gonna know?! We can’t all have access to hotel housekeeping, now can we?

… if your version of cleaning is frantically running around hiding things in the 10 minutes before your husband gets home.

… to NOT love everything and anything about aviation. Just because you married a pilot doesn’t mean you have to be obsessed with airplanes.

… if you give the baby a wipes bath. Babies aren’t exactly rolling around in dirt. Unless they are, in which case, that’s what wipes are for.

… to let the dog do the “sweeping” up of food on the floor.

… to be a liiiiiiittle bit jealous when the kids go crazy that Daddy is home again. What are we, chopped liver?!

… to complain about another week going by with him gone. It doesn’t get easier.

… if you don’t go to that get-together because you’re tired of answering the dreaded, “So where’s your husband?” question. Over. And over.

… to want to stay in with the kids and have a movie day. Getting all of you dressed and ready and fed and presentable is work.

… to roll your eyes and groan inwardly when you see your friend post about freaking out that her husband is gone for a whole day. Bitch, please.

… to also offer that same friend some encouragement, because hey, we get it.

… to get a sitter when your husband is gone to go on a date with yourself. Pedicure and a movie, anyone?

… to sometimes like the fact that your husband is gone. Guilty pleasures (Netflix marathons, the whole bed to yourself) have never been so delicious.

Well, that concludes the first list! What do you think? Would you add anything? Can’t wait to hear from you!

It’s one of the complaints I hear the most (and make myself): Whyyyyyy doesn’t my husband see all the things I do around here?! Doesn’t he know what I DO for our family? I am so unappreciated!

Or, Why am I the only one who gets anything done around here? I am surrounded by laundry, and clutter, and whining, and homework, and playdates, and omg he better hurry up and come home, because I need a break!

Or, If I hear my husband complain one more time about how our house is a mess I’m going to scream. Doesn’t he know how busy I am? How would he like to be home for days on end, taking care of the house and the kids and everything that goes with it by himself? Why can’t he just say “Thank you” when he gets home instead of pointing out what I missed?

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

Being a pilot’s wife is a tough job, and not everyone is cut out for it. There’s a TON of work involved, because that’s what happens when you’re the one in charge for days (or sometimes weeks) at a time. You are the one dealing with the day-to-day stuff, meals, kids, school, work (or staying at home, which is also work), appointments, groceries, laundry – the list is endless. So it can be really frustrating when what you do gets overlooked. And feeling unappreciated puts us on the fast track to feeling resentment.

Resentment builds, and you can feel it every time you start throwing dishes in the sink, thinking this is not what I signed up for, or yanking laundry from the dryer thinking, if anyone even tries to tell me my life must be so glamorous, so help me I will throat punch them . Or when you clean up yet another mess, and think is it wine time yet? Step away from the wine, friend. It’s 9 am.

What happens then is that we end up boiling over and complaining to our husbands when they get home that they have no idea what we go through while they’re gone. That they never notice the things we do, they take us for granted, and don’t appreciate anything. Then we get into a fight and waste the evening being mad at each other when we should have been enjoying his time off together.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we felt appreciated instead? I’m going to tell you how I got my husband to start appreciating me, and it starts by letting you in on a little secret, one that has helped me immensely:

Frustration and complaints are needs in disguise.

When we start to vent our frustrations, what we’re really doing is trying to express a need. The problem is, when we can’t name the need or give reason to our frustrations (we just know we’re super irritated about everything) it just comes out as anger or nagging. And then we become that angry wife that we really don’t want to be.

We all want to be recognized for what we do – which is a lot. I hear you, pilot wives and mamas. You’re tired. You’re worn out. And you just want some recognition and reward, which you absolutely deserve. Even if your husband hasn’t said it to you lately, I want to thank you for all that you do, because you are the foundation of a very special type of family. Your husband and children would not be able to thrive as well as they do without you. You are amazing! So thank you.

Now let’s work on getting that from your husband, mmmkay?

This next part may not be exactly what you want to hear, but I wouldn’t tell you about it unless I tried it myself and got results, so hear me out.

We’re looking for some empathy right? We want to feel acknowledged and appreciated. So how do you get someone to notice your efforts, to see what you’ve accomplished, and show some appreciation?

Step One: Be the hero.

So here’s the deal: If you want to get empathy, you have to give empathy. Ugh, I know, I know. We already do so much, and now we have to be the appreciative ones? Yes, yes we do.

I’ve heard Dr. Phil refer to it as being the relationship hero. (Even if you’re not a Dr. Phil fan, you have to admit he has good relationship advice.) Every relationship needs a hero, someone to step up and make the first move to start the momentum. So I’m going to ask you, have you noticed what your husband has accomplished lately? Have you given him any recognition for his help or what he does? Have you said “thank you” for anything lately?

I was reluctant to try this too, and believe me, it’s the last thing I feel like doing sometimes. But why would I ask my husband to do that if I’m not willing to do the same? If I want him to focus on my good qualities, then it’s only fair that I focus on his.

For one week (on his days off), without him knowing, I decided to thank my husband for things he did and actually take notice of what he got done. I’m usually so wrapped up in what I’m doing, that I forget to take note.

I noticed that he helped me clean up the kitchen after dinner and made sure the kids were done and had their dishes put away.

Later, I noticed that I never have to take the giant garbage cans out because he makes sure that he does it before he goes on a trip so that I don’t have to. Again, I said thanks – that was something I was taking for granted.

I started noticing a lot of things; he takes care of our yard while I’m at work, he helps our son with homework before I get home, he makes sure our son has money for lunch, he pays the bills while he’s on his trips, and he makes sure the floors are clean before he leaves. All of this made me realize that I’m just as guilty of not being appreciative.

And you know what? It worked. All of a sudden, he started thanking me back! The other day he said, “Thank you for taking care of the kids while I’m gone. You’re such a good mom to them.” It felt so good to hear that, and I know it’s because I started thanking him more. You give thanks, you get thanks. By shifting the focus off of myself and all the things I’m doing, I really had my eyes opened to what we both accomplish. And feeling like you’re part of a team is so much nicer than feeling alone.

Step 2: Take care of yourself.

This may not seem like it matters when it comes to getting your husband to appreciate you, but it actually does. Like I mentioned earlier, if you don’t know your needs (and how to meet them) you can’t expect anyone else to know either.

So what do you need? When we’re in the middle of taking care of everyone else, that’s a question that often gets put on hold. We spend so much time making sure that everyone else is taken care of, we neglect to check in on our own well-being. What is important to you? More alone time? To feel pampered? What do you think would help you feel more relaxed and happy?

If it helps you, write down a list. Grab a pen a paper and jot a few things down that you think would help you be the best version of yourself. For me, I need a break from the kids when my husband gets home. If I don’t get time to recharge and regroup after a week spent running errands, working, taking care of the kids, and cleaning, then I am one unhappy wife and mama.

Here’s another secret: When you take care of yourself, you stop looking for others to do it for you. Listen, no one is going to take care of you the way you need if you don’t take care of you first. No one is going to say, “Hey, it’s time for you to go get a pedicure, you look stressed!” That would be nice, but it’s not going to happen, and it’s also unfair to put our happiness on someone else. Does anyone schedule your doctor or dentist appointments? No, you do it yourself because it needs to be done! Same thing with your “you time” – you need to make it important, because it is. So schedule it!

Whether it’s getting a pedicure, going shopping alone, or meeting up with friends, your husband should be on board with helping you when he gets home. But he can’t help you meet your needs if you don’t make them known.

When you take care of yourself, it shows. You look better, feel better, and treat your family better. It’s much easier to find the good in things when we feel content with ourselves. It’s a win-win for everyone!

Step 3: Put him in your shoes – and get in his.

Sometimes, in order to really get our husbands to see what we deal with, they need to experience it for themselves. And I mean, really experience it.

Once or twice a year, I go on a trip for a couple days and leave my husband alone with the kids. This is important for a few reasons. First, my kids get to experience some extra-special dad time, which I think is so valuable considering he’s the one who is usually gone.

Second, my husband gets to experience what it’s like to take care of the kids and the house by himself without me there to help out. It’s quite an eye-opener, and he always tells me afterwards that it’s more work than he thought. (Insert my inner “told you so” happy dance.)

Third, I get to relax and spend some time recharging and getting back to feeling like myself – the person I am without a husband and kids. I love my husband and kids more than anything, so being away from them for a couple days makes me appreciate them even more. It also makes me realize how much my husband means it when he says he misses us when he’s on trips – you do end up missing the chaos, and it’s so sweet to come home to hugs and kisses and excitement that you’re home.

I know that days-long trips aren’t feasible for everyone, but even if you can squeeze in a short overnight or a long afternoon, it’s worth it for him to get a peek inside your world.

I challenge you to find the good in your husband this week. And I encourage you to thank him for what you notice he does – it might not happen right away, but I would be willing to bet that he starts noticing what you do, too.

Hey there! I’ve missed you all – it’s been a while, so I thought I would come back with a few of my dos and don’ts of pilot wifery! Let’s get right down to it, shall we?

DO – Be supportive. When his company furloughs, or you have to move (again), or he’s studying for yet another checkride, he needs to know you have his back. When fear and doubts creep in about whether this is all worth it, whether he made the right career choice, or if the sacrifices are just too much, that’s when he needs you the most.

It can be very hard to watch your pilot be frustrated day after day (and be right there in it with him) when you know he deserves better treatment, better pay, and better quality of life. Because really, those things affect your quality of life as well! We all know it takes time to get to that magical, mysterious level of great pay AND a great schedule. But the interim can be exhausting. Hang in there and be supportive. And when you’ve had a rough day, be supportive of yourself! You deserve grace, too.

DON’T – Be afraid to ask for help. I say this a lot, but that’s because it’s true. Surrounding yourself with a network of people who can help you out when you need it is invaluable. Friends, family, and neighbors are all good sources. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been thankful that I have gotten to know my neighbors. You can’t always schedule appointments and events when your pilot is home (and sometimes it doesn’t matter anyway if they get stuck somewhere), so having someone available to help watch the kids or swap meals with is a huge time-saver. Not to mention a sanity-saver as well. Crazy, frazzled Mommy is no fun.

DO – Take time for yourself. I probably sound like a broken record with this one, but that’s because it’s that important! Yes, you deserve to walk around Target by yourself without rushing or answering a million questions or stopping to change a diaper or visiting the toy section. Yes, you can schedule a hair appointment and leave your husband with the kids so you can feel halfway human again. Yes, you can have a girls’ night and hire someone to watch the kids. You don’t always have to wait until the kids are asleep before you do anything for yourself. Feel guilty? Stop it. I’m giving you permission. Go.

DON’T – Dwell on the fact that he’s gone. It’s not going to change unless he changes careers. As long as he’s a pilot, he will be gone. So you have a choice; you can hate it and be miserable (and we all have days like that) or you can be happy that he has a job that he (sometimes) loves and appreciate the good things about it. Sitting around wishing things were different is a waste of time; there are so many awesome things you could be doing instead!

Additionally, your kids pick up on your attitude and how you handle things. They are ALWAYS watching. (Sneaky little buggers.) So model the type of attitude you want to see in your kids. Is it sad when Daddy leaves? Absolutely. It is healthy to acknowledge those feelings and validate them. But it’s also healthy to show your kids that life goes on and there are LOTS of fun things you can still do if Daddy is gone. And keeping up with phone calls and Skype is a great way to stay connected.

DO – Drink wine. That’s pretty much a given. Call me and I will drink with you, and we can laugh at how we think we have it all together.

DON’T – Beat yourself up for not having a clean house, or looking perfect, or not having showered in 2 days, or making grilled cheese for dinner, again. It’s hard enough being a wife and mom with a husband who’s home every day, let alone taking care of everything for days (and sometimes weeks) on end by yourself. Cut yourself some slack and see the last entry above.

DO – Embrace change. It’s part of the package. As soon as you get used to life as you know it, it gets turned upside down. The airline industry is anything but stable. Whether it’s a change of base, contract negotiations, pay increases/decreases, you name it, things will always be changing. Whether you make it an exciting adventure or another wrench thrown in your life is up to you. Like I said before, kids watch your every move. Show them how you roll with the punches and they’ll learn to do the same.

DON’T – Compare yourself to other wives and moms. You are not walking their path, and they are not walking yours. This lifestyle is very different than what many are used to, and there are many who don’t understand (or won’t, no matter how many times you tell them that no, you don’t know where your husband is right this moment). So don’t compare. The only person you should compare yourself to is who you were yesterday. Focus on what makes YOU happy, and keep doing whatever that is.

DO – Learn new things and be independent. If you haven’t already, check out my post on 10 Things You Should Know How To Do Without Your Husband. If I sat around at home and waited for my husband to take care of things, we would both go crazy. Learning to do things myself is a HUGE time saver because it gives us more time to spend together when he is home. Yes, there are still things we both have to take care of when he’s here (and changing out smoke detectors is not my favorite thing to do – always in the middle of the night, gaaaaahhh!) but the more I can cross off of our honey-do-together list, the better.

DON’T – Stay locked up in the house. Go do things! Just because your pilot is gone doesn’t mean you have to stay cooped up for days. Even going to the local park with your kids for a picnic, or on a bike ride, or (gasp!) a movie by yourself is fun! I recently hired some neighborhood teenage girls to watch my little one while my son was in school and got myself a pedicure. It was amazing. And cheap (well, the babysitting was anyway). And I was back before she woke up from her nap. Win!

What would you add to this list? I love hearing from you, leave a comment below with what you think!

I know you’ve felt it – that dread that hits you when you’re husband is about to get home, and the house isn’t clean. Again. You’ve been chasing after the kids, trying to keep up with the messes but it’s a losing battle.

As soon as you put away the breakfast dishes, you look over and one kid has dumped toys all over the living room for the millionth time. And before you can even think of having him help you put them away (but really, why bother?), your one year old just decided to wear her breakfast and also share with the floor. It never ends.

Add laundry, chores, school, activities, and all the other stuff you’re supposed to take care of by yourself and you’ve got an overwhelming amount of responsibility on your plate. And I can hear your teeth grinding from here as you try not to think about your husband sleeping uninterrupted in a dark hotel room somewhere. So when he gets home and starts nitpicking your housekeeping skills instead of thanking you for keeping everyone alive, it can definitely sting.

We’ve all heard some version of these comments before:

“Well, what have you been doing while I was gone?”

(Oh, the usual. Sitting around bored watching the kids feed themselves and get themselves dressed. Then I laid on the couch for a couple hours while I watched them play nicely together and then pick up their toys without being asked. Oh, and then our 5 year old made us all dinner and then the kids gave themselves a bath! Crazy huh?! What have I been doing? They don’t even need me!)

“Don’t you like having a clean house?”

(No. I like living in filth, actually. It’s always been my dream.)

“I don’t know why it’s so hard to keep it clean.”

(You also don’t know where we keep the toaster. Or where the scissors are. There are lots of things you don’t know – because you aren’t here. Add it to the list, buddy.)

“This place is a disaster.”

(Your face is a disaster.)

Those may or may not have been thoughts that have gone through my mind. Those little jabs comments can be enough to make you want to scream, and it’s hard to keep your composure when you’re trying very hard to resist the urge to set the house on fire.

I’ve never been a fan of cleaning. I would honestly rather sit through a Justin Bieber concert (please no), or give up wine for a week (oh God), or hell, give birth again (sweet mother of pain stop the insanity) – than have to clean my house. What’s ironic is that I’m actually quite good at cleaning. But that doesn’t mean that I like it.

I go through the 5 stages of grief when I have to clean:

Denial – It’s not that bad… I mean, it’s not like we’re hoarders. Now those people have a problem. Look, I can still see some floor! Over there… under the couch.

Anger – Why am I the only one who cleans around here?! Oh, that’s right, because apparently I’m the only one who lives here! IT NEVER ENDS!! Why am I cleaning when it’s just going to be a mess again tomorrow?! Who am I kidding – in 5 minutes?! WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?! I HATE THIS HOUSE. I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE EVERYTHING. I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED A DOCTOR.

Bargaining – Ok, if I get the living room cleaned I’ll let myself have a glass of wine and watch one episode of my favorite show after I get the kids to bed. Then I’ll clean the rest of the house… Holy crap it’s 11 pm and I’m drunk and accidentally watched 3 hours – here, let me pick up some of these couch pillows.

Depression – Why can’t I like cleaning? I am the worst wife/mom ever. He’s going to leave me. He’s going to leave me for a younger woman who actually enjoys this shit. I hate her. That cleaning whore. Why am I so bad at this? I need more wine.

Acceptance – Ok here we go. I can do this. I will not be a bitter old hag wife. See? This isn’t too bad. Oh my God I will never get this time back. I could be doing so many other things right now. Don’t think about that. Let’s just get this done. Oh wow, that wasn’t too bad actually. Hey, look at that! One room down, 8 to – what the hell was that noise? Wait, why have the kids been so quiet?!?!

And so the cycle goes. If you’re like me, you do clean while your husband is gone, it’s just hard to get it to stay that way. Kids can undo a clean house in 2.4 seconds, give them a day alone and it’ll look like a natural disaster hit.

So, you have a couple options (yes, aside from telling your husband to go to hell and/or cleaning it himself since it’s so easy.)

The first is to hire a housecleaner. I realize this is not an option for most. Especially if you’re a pilot wife. I hope you didn’t just choke on your drink. Sorry about that.

Another, cheaper option is to hire a mother’s helper. Have a neighbor kid or a babysitter come over for a few hours so you can finally get some things done in peace. And if you decide to take a nap instead, no judgment.

The last option is to fake it ‘til you make it. Do it yourself, so to speak. But who has the time? How do you make it look clean when it isn’t? I’m going to spill all my secrets, friends. Because you deserve to spend more time relaxing and less time stressing. And your husband will be amazed at how you’ve managed to do it.

Tip 1: Declutter

Get rid of crap. All of it. All the piles of paper, the junk that sits around collecting dust, and toys that aren’t getting played with? In the trash. Take a giant plastic bag and go through your house, putting in whatever you see that needs to go. Stop hanging on to stuff you don’t need. This cleans off your counter space, floor space, all kinds of space! Don’t let the kids wailing about their toys getting thrown away stop you. You’re in the zone, and this is serious business. Better yet, do it while they’re sleeping. They’ll never miss those horrid, noisy toys your in-laws gave them anyway. I’m kidding. Sort of.

Tip 2: Everything in its place

Everything needs to have a place. End of story. When everything has somewhere to go, it makes your life so much easier. Teach your kids where everything goes, and there will be no excuse for not putting things away. You take it out, you put it back. Doesn’t get any simpler than that. And yes – make the kids help you clean!! Even my one year old helps me sweep the floor. And yes, I count eating Cheerios off the floor sweeping.

Tip 3: Hide it

Buy decorative storage. This is probably the best tip I can give you. Baskets and bins are your new best friends. You can throw all kinds of stuff into bins and it looks organized, even if it’s chaos.

I got this unit at IKEA and made the top 2 bins for my son’s toys and the bottom 2 for my daughter’s toys. Takes me 5 minutes every night for us to throw them all in there and put them away.

See all the crap I can hide? It only looks clean. But that’s all that matters.

Our nicely organized entertainment center…

Hold up, what?! That’s right, I just throw movies in the cabinets and no one knows. It’ll get organized someday. Not today though. Not today…

Oh look at this clean little corner…

Nope, more toys!!

But what about over here?

I keep all of our remotes (omg, how do we have so many?!) in that table drawer, and all of the chargers and cords we have (for iPads, phones, etc.) in that bottom bin. So easy!

Tip 4: Keep your supplies handy

It’s not easy to clean when your cleaning supplies are not within reach. I keep a small vacuum ($20!! Here on Amazon) and a Swiffer WetJet out in the kitchen at all times. When messes happen I can clean them in 2 minutes or less. Does it replace actually mopping the floor? Of course not. But when I do mop eventually, it’s a million times easier. The best part is I can put these away in 5 seconds if I need to. Cleaning is way less of a hassle when you help yourself out. Think to yourself, what would make cleaning easier for me? And then do it!

I made this cabinet a space for games and turned the pullout basket thing into a diaper changing station that hides away so I don’t need to have it out. The nursery is upstairs and there’s no way I’m going upstairs every time I need to change a diaper. Boom. Problem solved.

I also keep a small pop-up hamper in the living room (right next to the kitchen) for dirty clothes, dirty bibs, or dirty towels. It’s amazing how often that thing gets used. Then I just drop it off into the laundry room in one trip!

I also don’t keep all my cleaning supplies in one place. Why would I do that when my rooms are all completely spread out? I have a toilet brush and some cleaner in each of our 3 bathrooms. I also keep a small vacuum upstairs as well as downstairs because it’s super annoying to carry stuff up and down the stairs, and I am lazy if you haven’t noticed. Necessity is the mother of invention right?

Keep everything handy and you will thank me later.

Tip 5: Vacuum everything. EVERYTHING.

My Dyson vacuum is probably the best purchase for cleaning I have ever made. Why? Because the attachments are little rescuers of sanity. Do you know what I can vacuum up with this thing? Whole pieces of cereal. Entire Cheez-Its, broken or intact. Tiny shreds of paper and ripped up toilet paper strewn all over the room. See where I’m going with this? And dust. Oh, sweet heaven I can dust with my vacuum. It’s amazing. I can retrieve toys from under the couch, clean a high chair, make couch cushions look new again, and dust a whole room with ease. I strongly recommend getting a vacuum with attachments. It has cut my cleaning time in half, if not more.

Well, there you have it. My best tips for faking a clean house, or at least making cleaning a little bit easier. Enjoy your free time!

Xoxo,

The Flight Wife

Have any tips of your own? I’d love to hear them! Comment below and let me know what you think. 🙂

There are few things as stressful as airline travel; the crowds, the rushing, the daunting task of having to haul all your crap plus keep an eye on your kids and make sure you have all of their crap – it’s enough to make anyone crazy.

In an effort to save the little sanity you have left, here are my tips to help you get to where you’re going with as few meltdowns as possible. Oh, and how to keep your kids happy, too. Look at my happy little travelers!

Plan, plan plan!

First things first; know what you’re dealing with. There’s a big difference between an hour flight to the state next door and traveling cross country or to another country altogether. There’s also a difference between traveling with one kid and traveling with 5, and whether you’re by yourself (fun!) or with your husband to help. Whatever the case is, it’s best to plan ahead to avoid those oh crap moments at the airport or in the plane. How to do that? Keep reading.

Make lists… Lots of them

Make a packing list. This is essential. I usually make two – one for myself and one for the kids – about a week beforehand, or at least a few days before. This way I can add to it as I think of things, and I’m not scrambling to put things in suitcases as we’re trying to get out the door.

Make a to-do list and a to-buy list as well, so you can have everything ready to go before heading to the airport. Essential things to have? Your IDs, all your big liquids in your suitcase that you’ll be checking (hairspray, shampoo, etc.), snacks (for you and the kids – there’s no rule against bringing your own food), a little cash broken into small bills, and some $5 Starbucks gift cards if you are non-revving. (I can’t even tell you how handy those are!)

If your kids are a little older they can help you with the lists, and it will also help them with learning how to pack.

Know what to bring – and what NOT to bring

The trick to being efficient is to bring only what is essential to your trip. It’s easy to over pack with all the what-ifs you can come up with. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wasted precious suitcase space with shoes I really didn’t need for that dinner I didn’t really go to. Pack mix and match items that can be dressed up or down, and minimize your items in order to maximize your space. The less crap you bring, the less crap you haul around.

Same thing with kid stuff. Is it absolutely essential that you bring a Pack’N Play or will there be a crib you can use when you get there? Do the kids really need to have their own shampoo or can they use yours for a few days? Do you actually need to bring a suitcase full of diapers or would it be smarter to pick some up at a store there? Think about the things you really need, and get rid of the rest. Reduce, compact, and condense your way to happiness.

Another thing to keep in mind is that different airlines have different baggage policies. It’s good to research beforehand what they are so that you don’t get a surprise fee at the ticket counter. Also, a lot of baby items such as car seats and strollers can be checked for free.

For an awesome list of airlines and their baby item policies courtesy of the blog Have Baby Will Travel!, go here.

Be smart about carry-on bags

This is a big one. Keeping your kids entertained keeps everyone happy. But you have to plan ahead. (Sense a theme?) I don’t know about you, but traveling with toddlers is pretty high up there on my Dear-God-please-help-me-get-through-this list.

Snacks, games, movies, and toys are a given because of the entertainment factor. But old toys can lose their luster. Ever noticed how your kids are so excited to play with their friends’ toys? It’s because they’re new to them, or at least provide a break from the same old, same old. Distraction and novelty are awesome meltdown prevention tools. My rule is to bring one surprise per hour of travel. This applies to all ages. Every hour I whip out a shiny new toy or book or movie or activity that the kids have never seen or played with before. It works like a charm!

(Smart move: pack a Ziploc bag for each child and have it ready to go. There are some great examples of travel bags for different age groups on Pinterest, here’s a link.)

It doesn’t have to be anything big – I will often hit Target’s $1 section right before a trip and stock up on little things. If you are really into preparing, you can make the unwrapping game. Take a party streamer and some small toys and wrap them up one by one, until you get a ball of little gifts. These are great entertainment – it takes time to unwrap them and there’s little surprises sprinkled throughout that they can play with afterwards.

Katie from the blog Mom Favorites has some super cute ideas for kid travel bags, too. Check out her post here.

Also, don’t forget to pack your own carry-on. One of the best tips ever; bring a change of clothes (or at least a different top) for yourself! Sitting for hours in spit up or worse is not fun for anyone.

Don’t expect help

This is sad, but true. One of the best things you can do is to expect to do it all yourself – because a lot of times that’s what ends up happening. Carrying bags, keeping the kids corralled, getting through security, and then getting settled on the plane is hard work. But that’s my responsibility. These are my kids, not anyone else’s, and I don’t expect concessions just because I am choosing to travel with them.

Sometimes a kind stranger or helpful flight attendant will lend a hand, but I don’t expect it. If you are offered help, for the love of all that is holy, take it. And thank them profusely. I will be one of the first people to go and help another struggling mom if I see one. But not everyone will offer, or even notice. Don’t take it personally. Just do the best you can with what you got!

Non-rev ninja moves

For non-revving, my advice is to just be as polite and friendly as possible, even if the ticket agents or gate agents are not friendly back. They have a tough job and put up with a lot, so I try to just be nice to everyone I come into contact with, because of course they are your ticket onto that plane. It sucks, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and be nice anyway.

(And then flip them off behind their back as you walk down the jetway. Or at least in your mind. This actually helps, I promise.)

I also try to have those $5 gift cards on hand to give flight attendants before the flight. It may seem small, but this gesture has gotten be more things than I would have ever imagined! Don’t wait until you’re in the air, hand them out as soon as you get on the plane.

I’ve gotten free movies, free food for myself and the kids, and even free drinks! It’s amazing what a small act of kindness can do to put someone in a good mood. When I was a flight attendant, I was always surprised and then extremely grateful for any small token of thanks. It makes your day! And even if you don’t get anything from it (in terms of free stuff) it’ll make you feel good and it’s good karma. Win!

And last but not least…

Don’t freak out

Sometimes (ok all the time) things don’t go as planned no matter how hard you prepare. All you can do is make the best of it. That’s what parenting is all about, right? So if your kids are restless, or your baby won’t stop crying, just try to stay calm and ride it out. Deep breaths. Kids can sense our emotions, so make an effort to keep them in check, as hard as that may be. Just don’t let your kid kick the seat in front of him – seriously. Don’t be that mom.

And feel free to tell that guy in 24A to shut his face or he can hold your crying baby for you. You’ll get through this, I promise. Keep trying different things and stay calm. Remind yourself that there is wine at the end of the tunnel.

So you’re going to be a pilot’s wife! Run while you can Congratulations! Whether you’ve just tied the knot or are getting ready to, here are some tips that I think you’ll find helpful. I’ve been with my pilot for 11 years, and we’re coming up on 9 mostly awesome years of marriage. While this is nowhere near as long as some other pilot wives (my friends included), I think it’s been long enough that I can offer some advice. And while my marriage is nowhere near perfect (hahahaha, oh that made me laugh), I’ve learned a ton along the way. I want to pass this on to you, mainly so you have an idea of what to expect, but also so that you can learn from my mistakes.

Expect the Unexpected

If you haven’t learned this yet, you will fast. There is nothing steady or stable about aviation life. From moving to different states (or sometimes countries), to schedule changes (oh, you thought he would be home tonight? Yeah, that’s not happening) to upgrading, and downgrading, regionals to majors, and everything in between, stability is nowhere to be found.

So, how to deal? Roll with the punches. You have to be flexible or you will go insane. Just realize it now: You have no control. And your pilot has no control over it, either. So you can either get caught up in the unfairness, the inhumanity, the injustice of it all… Or you can recognize early on that it is what it is, so you might as well just go with it.

Trust me, the latter option makes your life SO much easier.

Stay Awesome

That girl that your husband was dating, remember her? The one who had interests and hobbies, who loved to laugh and create adventures, who shared her hopes and dreams for the future with bright eyes and a sense of humor. The one who was down for a spontaneous roll in the hay and who also loved to go do things, who was opinionated and sometimes sassy, the one who loved fiercely and wanted to travel and try new things.

Don’t ever let her leave you. Do everything in your power to keep her around, because when you’re managing finances and the household and laundry and dinner and trying to find time to clean somewhere in there and what the hell, why am I the only one doing shit around here and omg if I have to listen to him talk flying for another minute I swear to God and what do you mean what have I been doing while you’ve been gone – she can seem a long ways away, like a distant memory. Don’t lose sight of her. Keep your interests, and keep your hobbies, and keep your sense of humor, because you are going to need them. They will be your lifeline in the midst of monotony.

Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself. Your husband does not complete you, you complete you. Yes, you are part of a team, a new family. But being a wife doesn’t define you, it’s just another part of your awesome self. So stay awesome.

Loneliness Is a Choice

Yep, I said it. Because it’s true. There is so much world out there left for you to discover! Life doesn’t end with marriage. It ends when you have kids. (That’s a joke, I promise. Kids are awesome. Especially when they’re asleep.)

Loneliness is a choice. Why? Because you are only going to be as lonely as you want to be. I’m not going to sit at home and bemoan the fact that my husband is gone when I could be doing something fun instead. Yes, I have a job and responsibilities. No, that doesn’t mean I have to go home every night and do nothing. How boring is that?! I don’t have time for loneliness when I’m busy.

There are far too many resources available to make excuses. Remember those hobbies and interests you kept? Find friends who like to do the same thing and hang out! This is the perfect time in your life to do all the things you want to do before you start having kids.

Have a girls’ night out with friends, meet new people, meet neighbors, meet people in groups online (like pilot wife groups on Facebook – or anywhere you can find support. Having friends in the industry who “get it” is a lifesaver) and get yourself out there. Take a cooking class, go to movies (that your husband might not be into – Magic Mike 2, anyone?), go to parks, and go to museums. Read books and magazines out by the pool. Do what makes you happy!

You know what’s not lonely? Enjoying your own company. Eating powdered donuts and drinking wine on the couch while binge-watching Orange is The New Black in my pajama pants isn’t lonely either. That’s called fabulous.

The point is, of course you are going to be lonely sometimes. That is inevitable. But what are you going to do about it? Are you going to sit around and wallow in your loneliness, or are you going to go out and enjoy your life? Being a pilot wife offers a certain (and glorious) amount of freedom to do what you want that other wives don’t often experience. Take advantage!

Self-Reliance Is Your Friend

Remember what I said earlier about expecting the unexpected? Well there’s this rule among pilot wives, it’s pretty much Murphy’s law of aviation: Whatever can go wrong while your pilot is gone, will go wrong.

Whether it’s car issues, house issues, or medical issues, you should have a plan in place for when the unavoidable shit hits the fan. (Here’s a handy post I wrote about things you should know how to do yourself.) The more you know how to do on your own, the more confident you’ll be in handling things when they do go wrong.

Sure, it can be intimidating to learn to do things yourself. But I can’t even tell you how empowering it is. I am now a master of assembling IKEA furniture, changing a flat tire, and handling other emergencies. I’m also a master of knowing when to call for help if something is out of my depth. There’s only so much I can handle, and knowing my limits is something I consider to be a strength. I can do a lot, but not everything!

Stay Connected

This is another big one. Maybe the biggest big one. It’s vital to your relationship that you stay connected. Because the little things building up into big things are what tear so many aviation families apart. It’s easy to let things slide and become bad habits. It happens. But you have to put the work into your marriage in order to get what you want out of it. And it. Takes. Work. A lot of it, sometimes.

So keep dating each other. Keep dating, and keep kissing, and keep holding hands. Keep asking each other questions, stay interested in each other, and stay interesting. Text each other, call each other, and FaceTime each other. Whatever it is that keeps you both feeling that spark, do it. Here’s another post I wrote about how to keep the sizzle going when you’re married to a pilot.

If you’re lucky enough to have been hired by a major, it may come as sort of a shock that first year pay is so low, especially if you’ve become accustomed to getting decent pay from a regional.

Although some pilots marry women who make as much, if not more, than they do, I have found that the majority, myself included, do not.

No matter how you’re doing it, here are ten tips to help you get through survive those awful first 12 months.

1. Plan and Cut Back

You know ahead of time that this is going to be a challenge, so prepare as much as possible. Do what you can to eliminate debt and minimize payments. The less money you have going to payments is the more money you get to keep and use elsewhere.

Try to lower as many bills as you can. If you don’t have one already, get a family share plan for your cell phones, or see if there’s something else you can cut out (minutes, texting, data) to slash it even more. Cut your cable (yes, I’m serious) and stream Netflix instead. Get rid of your landline unless it’s absolutely necessary. Getting rid of our house phone (that we never used and only rang with solicitors) was one of the best things we ever did. It cut our bill by a lot and our evenings became peaceful again!

Try and get by with the basic plan for everything. If you have credit cards or student loans, check into lowering your payments or deferring if possible. It never hurts to ask!

If you can save anything, put it away while you can. I can assure you you’re going to need it. Car repairs, household issues, and other unexpected mishaps can break you if you’re unprepared. And putting it on a credit card can really hurt you long term. Your future self will thank you.

2. Create a Budget and Stick To It

If you haven’t used a budget before, now is the time to start. There are a ton out there, do a Google search to see which one you think will work the best for you. Dave Ramsey is extremely popular among aviation families; I suggest you look into that if you can.

Whatever type of budget you use, it’s so important to stick to it. Having it all written down will help you immensely in tracking where your money goes. It’s also important to keep the communications lines open with your spouse. You should both be on the same page and willing to talk about finances.

Financial intimacy is vital; fights about money are inevitable, but being able to trust each other and work together as a team can really help quell any arguments ahead of time.

3. Don’t Acquire New Debt

This seems like a given, but you’d be surprised. Save the car and house buying for later (did you laugh at house buying? I did too. Who is that crazy?). It might be tempting to buy a TV when the payments are $37 a month, but that $37 could go towards gas money instead. Like I said, you’re going to need all the extra money you can get. Don’t do it.

4. Skip The Luxuries

This is the part that sucks, and takes a lot of sacrifice. But you gotta do what you gotta do. And it’s a year, not the rest of your life. You have to remember that this is temporary.

During first year pay I stopped getting my hair cut (which wasn’t too bad, since I usually grow it out long after cutting anyway), I stopped getting my nails done (easily $50-$65 a month), and I shopped at consignment stores for clothing. It actually wasn’t horrible, you’d be surprised what you can find. I had to make do with what I had, and even though sometimes it sucked, it was worth it.

We stopped eating out, which had been a huge money pit. Instead, I used our budget to meal plan each week, and I went out and found the best deals on food. I also learned how to cook and freeze meals to make them last a lot longer. And no-name brands were my new best friend.

I still shop at the dollar store for certain things (party supplies! kitchen utensils! cleaning products!) because of the habits I started during the first year.

5. Find Free Things To Do

Fun, free things to do are literally a Google search away. Just enter “free things to do in [enter your city here]” and check it out. You can find performances, parks, art festivals and more. Just because you’re on a budget doesn’t mean you can’t still do stuff. You just have to be a little more creative.

Also, check around for Groupons, free outdoor movie nights, or museum specials. You never know what you could find!

6. Trade Services

Have a talent or a skill? Trading services can be a great way to get stuff. Being a photographer has gotten me childcare, meals, baby clothes, and more. You can also trade babysitting with a friend to score date nights, something that came in very handy for us. They were cheap dates, but dates nonetheless!

7. Craigslist and Swip-Swap Sites

We’ve all heard the sketchy stories about Craigslist meetups gone wrong, and no one argues that it can be dangerous. But if you do it right, Craigslist can be a huge resource for awesome deals. You know the drill – meet in a public place, during daylight hours, let a few people know where you’ll be and what you’re doing (text before and after), and bring someone (or multiple people) with you. I have scored so many amazing deals this way (and made money selling crap we didn’t need!) – even though I had to wait for my husband to be home, it was worth it.

Ever heard of Swip-Swap? Found on Facebook, virtually every city/town has jumped onboard with one of these. It’s like an online garage sale – sort of a safer Craigslist, since you know who the people are (or where to find them) and it usually involves “porch pickup” with no in-person interaction. I have made a lot of money selling baby items and toys – and gotten stuff like free (sealed of course) formula, cheap diapers, and kid clothes as well.

You just have to be quick; things on the swip-swap sites can go fast. But the deals can be amazing.

My friend got my son this climbing toy for his 5th birthday. Retails on Amazon for (not joking) $385. She got it for $35. And the thing is still new! If that doesn’t motivate you, I don’t know what will. Just search for groups in your area on Facebook.

8. Increase Income

If you’ve cut everything you can and you still are cutting it close, try to come up with different ways to add to your income. Are you good at making things? Open an Etsy shop. Or consider driving people around in your spare time with companies like Uber or Lyft. There’s a myriad of ways to earn extra cash.

Fiverr is a site where you can offer your services (voice over, song writing, designing, copywriting, editing, singing) starting at $5 and go from there. For instance, if you do voice over, you can offer 20 words for $5 and then include add-ons (where the real money is made).

If you teach, you can tutor online. If you knit or sew, you can open a store with Etsy or bigcartel.com. You can also watch other children in your home or pet sit. I made $100 watching someone’s sweet dog for a week once. It was easy money!

9. Be Supportive

Chances are, if you’re going into this with at least some knowledge of the task you’re undertaking, you’re already a supportive person. It’s a big deal that you are supportive of your husband during the hard times – you deserve a lot of appreciation for it. You just have to keep in mind that you’re in this together. Is it fun? No. Does it mean you can’t have fun? Absolutely not!

Don’t lose sight of your long-term goals in the midst of stressful times. It’s going to be difficult, I promise. But I can also promise that it does get better. A lot better.

Just keep repeating; it’s only temporary, it’s only temporary.

Give each other space to be frustrated if that’s how you’re feeling. Keep communicating no matter what. But don’t let it consume you – this kind of stuff is what can ruin marriages. Try and stay connected as much as you can.

And then?

10. Plan Your Party!

That’s right, you deserve it! Surviving 1st year pilot pay warrants celebration – you made it! You are now fighters of frugality, masters of money, slayers of setback, and conquerors of catastrophe. Congratulate yourselves, and plan something fun for that first 2nd year paycheck. However you decide to celebrate, make it good. And know that most likely the worst part is over.

Xoxo,

The Flight Wife

***Have anything you would add to this list? Comment below, I always love hearing from readers!***

Hear me out, gentlemen. I want to help you. I know that sometimes we are hard to understand, we are admittedly complicated creatures. Sometimes we contradict ourselves, change our minds, and have mood swings that make your heads spin. But know this; we love you, and believe it or not, we need you.

Yes, we are independent. Yes, we are self-sufficient. We run our households like well-oiled machines when you’re gone, and we are masters at multi-tasking. (See here for the top 10 reasons why we rule, if you haven’t already.)

We manage, organize, clean, and keep things running because we have to. But sometimes it’s a lot. Okay, a lot of times it’s a lot. Like, overwhelmingly so, to the point where we feel like we are drowning. But we really don’t like to complain, because we are stubborn and don’t want to look weak (I know you can relate). So we need a soft place to fall, even if it looks like we have it all handled. Everyone needs a break sometimes, and I can promise you that your wife needs your help, too.

So I’m going to try to help out, because we wives are not the best at asking for what we want until it’s too late and our heads are about to explode – and you look at us like we have lost our minds, but really, it’s been building for months.

Has it been a while since you’ve gotten laid? Or felt connected? I’m going to help with that, too. Let me tell you a secret – the best chance you have at getting some action is tostart that action way before you ever step foot in the bedroom. Read that again. It’s important.

By the time we get to bed we have already decided whether or not we’re going to sleep with you. Any halfhearted attempts at groping under the sheets will either be met with warmth or the cold shoulder. It’s what you do beforehand that determines the outcome.

Think of your wife like an airplane. What do you do before every flight? You do a walk-around, you check for any damage, you make sure your aircraft is safe to fly. You can’t just jump onboard and take off, right? You need to warm her up, get all the systems running, and get clearance. (We’re still talking about the airplane by the way.) You have to start the engines way before you reach the runway, yes? Well that’s exactly how your wife is, too. Keep reading and I’ll explain.

Your wife needs your help

I know it’s difficult to know what’s going on when you get home from a trip. You come home and things probably look like they’re all taken care of. But that’s rarely true. There’s always something we need help with, and your help especially.

Yes, really. And I know it’s hard to know that, especially when your wife probably doesn’t ask for it. It really isn’t all your fault, you need to understand that. Communication is a two-way street. But if you want to make things easier, I suggest the following.

Ask, “How can I help you?” or, “What do you need me to help with?”

Trust me, these questions are like the gateway to happiness. Knowing that you care about what we are doing – or that you’re even paying attention to the fact that we are doing something that may need your help is a game changer. We want to be noticed and acknowledged, and asking those questions fulfills both of those needs.

She might say no, she’s got it. But at least you offered, and that is what matters. And if she does need help, jump in and do it! There’s nothing sexier than a man who helps his wife.

By the way, if you ask her and she says no, you are in the clear. Playing games and pretending you’re fine when you aren’t isn’t helping anyone, ladies. Do yourself a favor and speak up if he asks you. Passive aggressive behavior is not allowed.

Do one thing without her asking

Every week, pick something she’s been nagging about. Broken toilet? If you’re handy, fix it. If not, make a phone call. You are in this together, remember?

Whether it’s setting the table while she’s cooking dinner, or wrangling the kids while she’s trying to shower, do one thing without saying a word. She will notice, I promise.

She needs to know that you have her back, and that she’s not alone in taking care of things around the house. You live there too! Even if it is part-time. There has to be a joint effort.

And if she sees you putting in that effort, whooo boy, look out! Those points are going to start adding up like nobody’s business.

Take her out

Plan something, all by yourself. Arrange for a sitter, and pick a place. It doesn’t have to be fancy, it doesn’t even have to cost much. (Also, consider doing things for trade. Trade babysitting with another aviation couple, or offer a talent or work to a neighbor – you can figure it out.)

Remember when you used to date your wife? There’s no reason to stop. But there’s every reason to continue, including keeping your marriage in shape. And it’s fun! Seriously, when is the last time you saw a movie that wasn’t a cartoon? Or had a conversation that didn’t include interruptions from the kids? If it’s been longer than you can remember, you need to get on it.

There’s tons of things you can do for free, don’t let money be the issue. Pack a picnic, go for a walk, Google “free things to do in my city” and see what comes up. Be creative! You can even rent a movie and make a tent with a meal in your bedroom after the kids have gone to bed. Decorate the room in Christmas lights and don’t let her in there until it’s finished– build the suspense. Your options are limitless.

(If you do have a little money, I HIGHLY recommend doing one of those drinking/painting workshops – they are SO fun and you get to talk and make fun of each other/compete for whose painting is better. And you have to clean off somehow…)

The point is, you need some time for just yourselves. Your wife needs to know that you still value your relationship with her even after the years have passed and you’re in a different place now. Things change (having kids, gaining/losing weight, life goals) but she needs to know that your love for her hasn’t. Go show her.

Surprise Her

Oftentimes we get in a rut as couples. Mix things up! Buy her a card, bring her something from your trip that made you think of her, plan that date I mentioned above. Keep her on her toes! We’re all guilty of letting things get too boring, we get stuck in the day-to-day mundane routine. Throw in a surprise and bam! Don’t be shocked if she surprises you right back.

Small things still matter. And giving her a little token here and there to remind her of you can’t get you anywhere but ahead. Try it and let me know how it goes.

Kiss her

Kiss her hello. Kiss her goodbye. Kiss her goodnight. Every time, no excuse. Show me a woman who doesn’t like being kissed, and I’ll show you a liar. (Unless she’s PMSing, or you’ve had a big fight. She might not like it then. Try anyway.)

Kissing is essential! Even if it’s on the cheek, kiss her. She needs it.

Talk to her

In this day and age it’s so easy to end up on different sides of the couch while you both catch up on Facebook (guilty!) or Pinterest or being online doing whatever. Technology is taking over our lives whether we like it or not. But that doesn’t mean we have to be slaves to it.

We still get to decide how we spend the time in our day. So put down the devices, and talk to each other. Ask her how her day went, or about the book she (never has time for) reading. Ask her if she could go anywhere, where would it be? What would she want to do if you both won the lottery? What does she fear? What does she want in 5-10 more years? These conversations are what made you close to begin with. Get to know your wife again.

Ask her questions, and listen. Really listen, and make her feel cherished for opening up to you. Open up right back, even if it’s hard, or seems boring. I’m telling you, it’s the little things that matter. And for the love of God, don’t talk about flying unless she brings it up.

Trust me on that one.

Compliment her

We all need to hear nice things from our partners. Sometimes it can make the difference in the tone for the entire day.

Tell your wife she looks beautiful, even without makeup. Tell her you appreciate her and the hard work she does while you’re away. Tell her you love her. She needs to hear it.

Those little nuggets are what get us through the day, and they get us through your trips. So tell her something. Bonus points for making it original. “You look nice” is ok, but, “Damn your ass looks amazing in those jeans” is better. (Don’t be crass if it’s not your thing. I happen to like crass, haha.)

Other examples of being specific:

“I love your laugh, it’s still the best.”

“Wow babe, thanks for taking care of this while I was gone. I know it’s not easy.”

“You are amazing at taking care of the kids, I don’t know how I would manage without you.”

“I think about you all the time during my trips, I missed you a lot.”

“You are so good at multi-tasking, I can’t believe you got all that done!”

Your wife needs to hear that she is appreciated. It’s a lot of work to take care of a household when you’re gone, and I know it’s easy to overlook since you are busy, too. But while you’re sleeping in a hotel (yeah, I know sometimes it’s a crappy one, or it’s loud, or you’re on reduced rest, I’ve done it, too) she was staying up all night with a toddler who was throwing up, getting laundry done, cooking meals, cleaning up (mostly, if she’s like me), and not getting a break. I was a flight attendant for 3 years, and that shit was hard. But it was nothing like being a mother. And it was cake compared to being a mother by myself for days on end.

We love our kids. And we love you! But we really, really need to hear that we are valued. That taking care of the kids, although necessary, is not something anyone enjoys 100% of the time. We need to hear that you appreciate the crap we deal with when you’re gone.

If you come home and the first thing you do is mention the few dishes in the sink, or that there’s still dust in the house, or how do these toys keep ending up out here – I’ve got news for you buddy; you’re doing it wrong. She is doing the goddamn best she can to hold it together and keep things running, and it’s not easy.

Don’t believe me? Send your wife on a trip for 3-4 days, anywhere. Hell, send her to a hotel in the same city. And you take over. Do all of it. Let me know how it goes. (Your wife may actually like this idea, so I apologize in advance if you didn’t heed my prior warning.)

So when you walk through that door, instead of noticing the dishes and commenting, notice your wife instead. Notice how she needs a pedicure and hasn’t had one in months. Notice how she’s been wearing the same clothes for a year without complaining. Notice how she desperately needs a haircut and color and hasn’t even had the time to wash her hair every day , or even every other day for that matter.

Notice your wife.

She’s the one running your kids around to various appointments, handling schoolwork, bills, groceries, laundry (endless, endless laundry), cooking, cleaning, and schedules. She keeps track of birthdays, anniversaries, doctor’s appointments. And sometimes she goes to work. And sometimes she goes to work watching the kids at home.

She doesn’t want much. But you need to notice her. Let her know you appreciate what she does.

And then start those dishes yourself.

How to preflight your wife, a.k.a. get her “in the mood”

From the AOPA website: “Organization and attention to detail are important. When preflighting, always follow the aircraft’s written checklist. One overlooked switch (such as a boost pump) can make the difference between safety and disaster.”

Boy, you got that right. Let’s put this into practical use, shall we?

Here’s the rundown. Before you are anywhere near “taking off” you need to preflight. Read: that means foreplay. And foreplay doesn’t start in the bedroom. It ends in the bedroom.

So first you need to do a walk-around. This is done when you get home. You kiss your wife (see above) and take note. You look for damage. How is her mood? Does she need help with something? Assess and continue.

Things that will ground your flight include:

Insults, impatience, lack of willingness to help, going straight to a device (computer, phone, iPad), ignoring things that need to be done, indifference, not offering help, scoffing, an air of un-appreciativeness, trying to “fly” without warming up engines first, trying to go anywhere near the throttle before clearance has been given. (Don’t even pretend you don’t know what the last one is.)

Ask her how she’s doing. What problems did she have while you were gone? Did she need to “write up” anything? (This is the crap we save for you to look at – bills, notes home, etc.)

Next up, help her out with whatever she needs help with. Get those engines revving. Now’s the time to throw in that surprise. Whether it’s the upcoming date you planned, something small you brought her from your trip, or telling her to go get that pedicure while you stay with the kiddos, do it now. Listen to those engines purr.

Time for the checklist:

(Don’t take this literally, it’s not a script. It’s a guideline.)

I missed you.

What did I miss while I was gone?

You look sexy.

Need any help?

Let me get that for you.

What should we do later? Want to watch a movie?

I want to spend some time together.

You are seriously hot.

Let me give the kids a bath.

Here, let me help.

I love you.

Need anything?

Damn you’re sexy.

Now talk to her. And listen. Listen some more. Take mental notes. Kiss her and tell her she’s beautiful. Stroke her face, and thank her for being awesome. Give her affection without expecting it to be sexual. It might, but don’t expect it. Keep warming her up.

It might not happen right away. It might take some time. But keep doing it anyway. Warm her up, and be patient. Wait for her signal. And then? Takeoff. Sometimes when you least expect it.