How a boy's forced foreskin retraction eventually led to his circumcision, and what it was like as an adult with and without a foreskin.

Written by Christopher S.Posted with Permission from Author

When I and my twin brother were about six years old in a small South African town named Kloof, Dad had to be taken to Johannesburg for an operation on one of his legs and Mum went with him, taking our younger brother with her. We had a nanny, our beloved Harriet, a black girl ('grown up' to us, of course) who loved us as if we were her own. But caring for us 24/7 single-handedly was not practicable. This left me and my brother needing care. We were put into a children's home for about a six weeks. On our first night in this place, one of the other children knelt on her bed and repeatedly chanted, "You'll be here forever, you won't ever see your Mummy and Daddy again - not ever, ever, ever!" My mind went into a spin, shocked and uncomprehending. I tried to settle down on the thin mattress, so unlike my real bed at home, with her words filling my head. The next morning I woke up and was mortified to discover I had doubly fouled my bed. It was the same the following morning and the next and the next... and so on. I feared waking up each morning with a soaking wet bed and the sensation of dried faeces cracking apart between my buttocks. "No, nooo," I pleaded, burying my head in my pillow, "please, please no!" I was deeply ashamed. I was bad. Initially I was cared for with a detached, matter of fact manner: bathed, dressed and left to live each day with all the other children. I felt imprisoned (I still recall the high walls that surrounded the tiny playground). Finally, one carer lost her patience. I was dragged to the showers, scrubbed with a floor brush and (this is not easy to retell)… genitally abused. My foreskin had not naturally retracted. In an act of unconscionable violence she took the opportunity to punish me further. I don’t remember screaming, just mind numbing, stabbing pain and the sight of blood washing away in the water at my feet. My memory of anything that ensued after that terrible morning is lost - except this: We were eventually taken back home... and to this day I remember in vivid detail the moment I saw my mother standing, waiting at the front door. I ran down the long path, crying out in joy, "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!" And fell into her open arms, sobbing uncontrollably, released from that little girl's lies and the terror I had lived through.

Roll forward many years: grown man and married. My foreskin had lost its elasticity at the site of the injury and was painful to attempt retraction. So any masturbation, alone or with my wife's assistance, was done with the glans covered. But sexual intercourse, with her natural lubrication, helped to ease the skin over the 'head' and back again - and often made the experience very special, as nature intended. I bless the fact that we had our three children this way. There were a few unnerving occasions when my foreskin stayed retracted and stuck, leaving the glans exposed and unbearably sensitive to touch. Inevitably though, there came a point when even penetrative sex was no help - until one night when I withdrew with my foreskin totally trapped behind the coronal rim. Nothing I or my wife did to try to release it was successful. It began to swell with engorged blood, tightening its stranglehold. I was in great pain. My wife rang 999. I was rushed to hospital. I remember an incision to release the oedema. Two days later I was circumcised, accompanied in the hospital by my eldest daughter - a newly qualified nurse at the time - who was my rock through it all. This was in March 2002. The circumcision itself was painless; so much so that when one of the attending nurses asked, "Did you feel that?" I replied, "No - not a thing. "Just as well," she retorted, "you'd have kicked him!" Does any baby boy ever receive a local anaesthetic as effective as that? I think not, because it's used at that strength for adults whose metabolism can accept it. Moreover, babies fortunate to receive even a milder injection of anaesthesia will feel the pain of the needle in the base of their penis. I received two on either side and it hurts. But I was an adult undergoing a necessary circumcision: big difference. The recovery period was not painless, nor is it for an infant boy. Initially, the permanently exposed glans is excruciatingly sensitive to the slightest touch of a finger or light brush of clothing, not to mention the sutures at the site of the removed foreskin which ooze drops of blood and stick to clothing. The sensitivity I speak of is not erotic in any way; it's similar to the pain when we knock our humerus (funny bone), but made more intense because the glans is a sexual organ. A rather foolish piece of advice I read from a list of DOs and DON’Ts after the surgery was to avoid erections, as if we somehow have any control with this! And did the compiler of the list not consider the phenomenon of 'morning wood'? I also had to visit my local hospital outpatient department with an infection of the wound. It was cleared up with an antibiotic, but it still meant yet another examination. Not every man or boy goes through complications like mine. Some many do. However, there is one absolutely inevitable consequence of circumcision: increasing loss of sensitivity as the years go by. Imagine this from boyhood, let alone from a mere nine years ago as in my case (almost to the day). Nature designs the penis perfectly: the glans as an internal organ within its protective sheath which is filled with nerve endings designed to interact in a shared partnership of exquisite sensual pleasure. Cut away a penis’s foreskin and nature goes into a desperate attempt to simulate its protective hood. It grows a covering of toughened tissue, incrementally as the months and years pass by. Nature doesn't 'think' of sexual compromise, it simply protects an injury - and the penis is finally left a shadow of its former self. My glans is now unable to detect heat from cold: both are equally neutral under very hot or icy water. The only sense I experience is of pressure. It was a shocking discovery for me. Yet guiding a flow of very hot or icy water onto the shaft makes me recoil. Sex? I can masturbate and ejaculate, of course. But it has been a learning curve in the absence of a foreskin. With a foreskin it is natural and so very easy. Sexual intercourse? Not good - for her or me. It takes me so much longer to achieve climax... and she is sometimes sore before I ejaculate and is left in a state of "Just lie back and think of England.” It distresses her AND me. We rarely try anymore. I'm aware that most American adults, men and their partners, have lived with circumcision for many years and learned to enjoy sex, regardless. But I do wonder if they ever give a thought to the ultimate pleasure of natural sex. I knew that pleasure, briefly, once. Nature gives every boy his birthright of an intact penis - together with the equal right of every girl who is now protected from genital mutilation, almost worldwide. Boys are no longer 'fair game', to put it brutally. Even American routine circumcision of its boys has dropped dramatically in the last few years. The AAP’s 2012 revised statement on infant male circumcision is a total nonsense, basing its findings on flawed African trials of adult males. When is a prepubescent boy ever sexually active to the extent foolishly implied by the AAP? It’s arrant stupidity. This aside, there is no mention of basic ethical constraints or equal autonomy with females. British reaction is conspicuous by it’s deafening silence at the AAP’s pronouncement. It was a different world when I was a small boy. Children were abused under a cloak of silence. There was no Internet to speedily publicise atrocities across the world. But we have that privilege now. We can fight wrong with right instantly and universally. It won’t rid us of mankind’s inhumanity to man, but our future together as ‘one world’ may give us hope for its eventual redemption.

Christopher S. shares his story in hopes that others will embrace genital integrity. Not only does his story show the harm in forceful retraction, but the undeniable fact that there is a big difference with and without a foreskin. Please, do not take this away from your son(s). His body, his choice.

Such a poignant story. I wish more people would read this and really think about the repercussions before considering circumcising their sons.

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Jessi Spencer

7/25/2012 03:45:02 am

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I only ever hear of one side or the other, not from someone who's shared both ways of life. This just makes me even prouder of our decision to keep our son (and any son after him) intact!

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Christopher

9/16/2012 04:13:33 pm

Amanda and Jessi, your kind responses touched me and I thank you.

But the Whole Network, for reasons I don't understand, has published this same article of mine twice on its website under two different, though similar headings.

The first has several more replies.

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Christopher

9/18/2012 11:10:19 am

I'm answering my own question here! I now know why the article is duplicated. Lauren, the founder of this outstanding website, has kindly explained the reason to me.

The Active Intactivist section (which contained many articles including mine) is now under the heading of TWN News. Both are still available for the time being, I understand.

If I had looked at the top of this page I would have discovered that for myself. Tsk, tsk...wake up, Christopher!

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Jessica

9/24/2012 05:40:59 am

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for all you've had to go through, how awful! Your story makes me so glad I kept my sons as nature intended, and reminds me to be vigilant about who cares for them and making sure they know what is right and wrong!

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stephanie

9/24/2012 05:50:18 am

I am so sorry this happened to you. Not only was it child abuse, but it was sexual abuse also. I will never understand why horrible people choose to work with children but I have to believe in karma when I hear things like this. We love you Chris. Thank you for being brave enough to tell your painful story

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Christopher

9/24/2012 03:04:25 pm

Jessica and Stephanie, I cannot answer your - or anyone's - comments as I might if we talked face to face. All I can say is, "Thank you for your kindness to me and your support for every boy's birthright to be treated as nature made him."

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Jess

10/15/2014 05:35:12 am

An act of abuse that caused so much damage, in many ways. I am sorry you had to endure all of this.

I live in a place where circumcision is rarely performed, but I still make sure anyone who looks after my son knows not to retract. Ever.

My son is intact, it wasn't a choice, just like leaving my daughter intact, there was no choice to make.

Genital integrity is given to both genders in my house!

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RJ

4/25/2015 06:02:17 am

Your story is a perfect example of how the foreskin should be left alone during childhood and that the boy himself should be the only one retracting it. It is also a perfect example of how the foreskin is vital to sex and pleasure not only for the man, but also for the woman. It was very sad to read, but at least you were able to solve the medical problem you had, despite the fact that it required you to lose so much sensitivity and sexual enjoyment.

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Christopher

4/25/2015 01:11:17 pm

The Whole Network notifies me of every reply it receives to my blog - which I welcome.
I could, of course, just read them and say nothing in response, but that would be irresponsible and even rude, when I appreciate them so much.
So to the last two posts, Jess and RJ - a big thank you..
RJ, the sensitivity issue is an ever-present problem, best discussed on Circumcision forums, methinks - as I'm sure you agree.

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Amber

2/5/2016 07:25:43 pm

Christopher,

Thank you for sharing such a personal story. It takes courage to share things like this. For those of us moms who will have little boys one day, it's so important that we hear these kinds of stories. Especially here in the US where circumcision is often still considered the norm.

With kindness,
ac3dimac. ;)

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Christopher

2/6/2016 01:01:11 pm

Thank you so much for your response, Amber. I'm left wondering if 'tragic' is to strong a term for the USA's habitual predilection for infant circumcision. But it does seem the numbers are thankfully declining year by year.

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Traci

7/15/2016 12:27:10 am

Hey Chris,
Thanks for sharing your story as I'm sorry of the impatient torture of a caregiver who harmed you . I think in reality people need more patience as the impatience in USA is increasing which causes a lot of foul moods and annoyance that can lead to harm or hurt with others . To many times its a rush of action or a rush of decision without thinking . People need to not mess with foreskin leave it alone and stop focusing on the foreskin. As I think with USA even tho your in UK I think when they see a foreskin on a child especially the male doctors who don't have one probably uses the manipulating foreskin to actually be a part of curiousity IMO even tho its real inappropiate and wrong .

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Christopher

8/7/2016 07:52:40 pm

Traci, thank you very much for your response. Your suggestion that some USA male doctors who manipulate a foreskin out of curiosity, is revealing. It begs the question, are there female doctors doing the same?