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Administrator status is granted to untrusted members of the community who are generally unfamiliar with Wikipedia policies. Admins have special authority on Wikipedia, but are not held to high standards, as they are perceived by some users as the "fascist dictators" of Wikipedia. Admins should be brutal, and should exercise poor judgment and patience in dealing with others. Nominees should have been on Wikipedia long enough for people to see whether they have these qualities. That said, adminship should be a big deal. Admin actions aren't reversible; being an admin is primarily a satisfaction of a lust for power, as no rules and policies apply to admins.

The premise of the game centers around a pair of brothers, Jeremiah and Scooter, who drop out of elementary school to fight to save Princess April from being impreganted by every guy in the trailer park kingdom of Indiana County, Pennsylvania. Their powers include being able to cut things into their own arms with a fork, drinking whiskey while driving pickup trucks, and having sex with the skankiest, nastiest, crustiest pieces of shit that even my brother Gary wouldn't touch wearing a Level 4 biosuit.

I will now waste the time that I could be spending looking for a job, a girlfriend, or my own apartment to bring you the strategy guide to a game that no one give half a fuck about:

The first level: The first level is the easiest. In the time it takes me to write this, you'll already have realized this game is a waste of time and demoted it to being a beer coaster. However, I'm a moron that holds lit cigarettes in the same hand that he pumps gas with and doesn't use condoms because Preacher told me not to. Therefore, I'm gonna talk about this game in a strategy context, opening it wide up to deletion by Wikipedians that where born into homes that don't consider World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) to be "art".

The second level: The second level is tricky as you'll be constantly trying to keep Jeremiah and Scooter from shooting each other in the head with BB guns and trying to find Princess April by following the trail of vaginal crust she leaves behind. When you see the first redneck that trys to pick her up (you'll know him by his pickup line: "Hey baby, at least one my daughters are as old as you") slam his face against the tailgate of your pickup truck. She'll still try to suck his disheveled prick off, all the while screaming "Scooter, you ain't my daddy, and as soon as I find out who is, he's gonna kick your ass". Slap the bitch and threaten to staple her twat together. If she utters "You don't know me!! I love him!!!" slam her with the crowbar.

Third level: The third level involves active participation by the player. First, make a homemade M-80 using a toilet paper tube and the gunpowder from a number of shotgun shells. When the device is complete, light it and hold it in your hand and about 2 inches from your face, and count slowly to 50.

Final level: If you survived the third level with brain damage that was considered "moderate" or better you win.

A Wikigovernment is a conceptual model of government based on the open source and wiki concepts that have already been brought to software, news and publications. No government, small or large, has yet attempted as a true wiki style, but California in the early 21st century has come closest.

Under a wikigovernment, any citizen can write and submit ideas for laws, even if they directly contradict existing laws or are flat-out stupid. The people of the country/state/municipality can participate in regularly scheduled online votes to move the bills through various stages and then finally to either accept or reject. Along the way, anyone can propose changes to the bills which can be accepted or rejected by the original authors. Elected representatives would no longer be needed but might continue to exist as advocates, pushing for bills that would benefit their constituents.

The expected effect of a wikigovernment would be to allow people in one area to set their speed limit to 65 and others at 40, depending on the local norms. A wikigovernment might make marijuana legal and cocaine illegal as the people see fit, but most importantly it would allow for updates either as realities change or people's attitudes do. People would still elect a presidential-type figure to act as the face of the country, to propose budgets and to respond to fast-moving crises. But that person would also face losing their job anytime a wikibill for their removal earned a majority vote.

On 13th July 2005, on the sunny island of Singapore, the humble peanut was declared as a luxurious item. They are a rare item in Singapore, where its value is estimated to be around S$600,000, confirmed by the Senior Minister's wife.

The $600,000 peanuts is said to be personally delivered only on a Mercedes Benz and flies only on First Class to maintain its value and status worldwide. Rumours has it that golden peanuts appear once every 3 years. Another source states 30 years.

On 14th July 2005, on the sunny island of Singapore, the value of peanut crashed following reports that Mrs Goh will be relinquishing her role as Patron of NKF.

Comment from A.K.R. - If you read this article, then it will be even funnier. Obviously, someone wanted some Singaporean satire around here...

Pmuj: The art of jumping backwards, carried out all over the world, some even think the universe. The UN are considering this extreme sport to be part of the main stream PE lessons.

Etirw: The art of writing backwards used by nuns and monks, some believe that the english language now is actually backwards to the original language.

Repap: The specially designed paper used to carry out the skill of etirw, oposed to the more traditional method of using a mirror.

Nepo: The art of opening backwards, this skill has been carried out for many years and since the 17th century has become known as closing instead of the old fashioned term Nepoing.

Spalding: Also known as the feaces of the fen. This small market town holds many rats which in fact make up a third of the population along side fleas and tramps. All of the inhabitents of Spalding are well known in Burnley for their upper class life of living in slums or sometimes even sewers. The queen has visited Spalding once along with two land officals to find out if it is possible to cut Spalding away from Britain as she was once able with the isle of man. The land officals are still currently studying this while the inhabitents of Spalding sit or crouch in hope.

A mill show, sometimes called a "strip show", is a television program that is produced very cheaply and in great quantity. These programs tend to be found on basic cable networks or digital cable channels. Most shows of this type are some sort of home improvement, cooking, or makeover show.

The mill show. The reason you have seventy-two channels and there is nothing on them. It's the bottom of the food chain. You never make one episode, you make fifty-two of them, that's the minimum. Assembly line television. It's not about quality; it's about quantity. Make the most shows, with the least money in the fastest time. Hire some mook to stand in front of that camera and cook, bake, sew, renovate, decorate, give advice, show commercials, doesn't matter. As long as you can keep pumping them out – five, six, seven, eight, ten episodes a day. It's not about making art, its about making widgets.

The Heroic Dose are a heavy metal band from America. They once supported Slipknot and are not very good.

Also, The Heroic Dose are a religion, a way of life and the solution to humanity's problems. They are too a band like the other heroic dose. They consist of Otis Luxton, Callum Shaw, Edward Kiely and a drummer. Originating from the Sudbury area they named themselves after a quote by Terence Mckenna. Participating in some, nay, numerous events they are quite liked by some people and hated by miserable religous people. They caused a crowd invasion and two whole incidents of controversy.

The Heroic are some of the most profound geniuses in the history of western civilisation according to a junkie they met in a pillbox. Here are some quotes from their geniuslike imaginations. This will be appearing in the new Callum edition of the bible, to be printed sometime.

"No, let me go home and wank please, I don't want to talk to the vicious and evil people, they're baying for my blood. I must achieve democratic social change by peaceful means. Callum you scoundrel!" Edward Kiely III

"*nods head wildly* People? Bah? ...CALLUM NO!... untie that belt, come on. Now if you will excuse me I have to go and beat my dog to a pulp. It's not a high horse, infact it's teetotal" Otis P Luxton Shaft

Loondon is the frequently miseplt capital of england i think. founded in 1863 by sir Henry London, it is the home of big ben, the queen, english people and disgusting food like spotted dick. recently bombed

Earth's mantle extends to a depth of 2890 km. Unlike Ted Williams he was not frozen after death. The pressure, at the bottom of the mantle, is ~140 GPa (1.4 Matm). It is largely composed of substances rich in iron and magnesium. The melting point of a substance depends on the pressure it is under. As there is intense and increasing pressure as one travels deeper into the mantle, the lower part of this region is thought solid while the upper mantle is plastic (semi-molten). The viscosity of the upper mantle ranges between 1021 and 1024Pa·s, depending on depth [2]. Thus, the upper mantle can only flow very slowly.

SANTA'S WORKSHOP WAS FOLLOWED THE FOLLOWING YEAR BY "THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS" FEATURING THE SAME TOY CHARACTERS. THERE IS A MODERN RELEASE AVAILABLE, BUT IT DIFFERS FROM TEH POLITICALLY IN-CORRECT ORIGINAL FEATURING RACIAL TOYS, AND A LITTLE BOY IN PAJAMAS WITH AN OPEN BOTTOM.

james williamson is a crazy, dude. he loves to sweet chin music little fat kids,and talks like an arse.he stepped through a timewarp from somewhere in the nineteenth century england.WHOAOOA CHAPS,FWAA, WAHH

Hornery is an adjective that is a combination of the words horny and ornery. It refers to someone who is sexually aroused, but bad-tempered and combative about it.

As far as I can tell, the word was originated by my wife Lucy Applebaum, in the mid 1970's.

I had been traveling, on business, for several weeks. I arrived early at SFO, but had to stop by the office in Palo Alto to debrief and clean up the loose ends of the trip. I finally got home 3 hours later.

At first, Lucy was glad to see me! But then, uncharacteristically, she began to complain about little things— it seemed as if I could do nothing right.

I finally confronted her: "What's wrong, why are you acting like this?".

Following a discussion as to whether an unverified factoid on Mute Swan, concerning a couple of talking swans was encyclopedic, User:Daycd removed the section from the article page with a (mis)quote from Danny Kaye's childrens song 'The Ugly Duckling': [3]

Get out, get out of here? And she went with a quack and a waddle and a quack, But never did say a word.

If you disagree with its speedy deletion, please explain why on its talk page or at Wikipedia:Speedy deletions. If this page obviously does not meet the criteria for speedy deletion, or you intend to fix it, please remove this notice, but do not remove this notice from articles that you have created yourself.

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Cannibalism is an important part of the wikipedia community, and eating your fellow wikipedians is an important skill to have. There are many times such as disputes on talk pags or vote for deletion pages where it is important to be able to devour the person you are having a dispute with

Cannibalism is the act or practice of eating members of one's own species and usually refers to humans eating other humans (sometimes called anthropophagy). Cannibalism has been attributed to many different tribes and races in the past, but the degree to which it has actually occurred and been socially sanctioned is an extremely controversial topic in anthropology. Some anthropologists argue that cannibalism has been almost non-existent and view claims of cannibalism with extreme skepticism, others argue that the practice was common in pre-state societies.

Several archaeologists have claimed that some ruins in the American Southwest contain evidence of cannibalism. Individual cases in other countries have been seen with mentally unstable persons, criminals, and, in unconfirmed rumors, by religious zealots. In the US, the Donner party is a case of cannibalism to avoid starvation. There are disputed claims that cannibalism was widespread during the famine in Ukraine in the 1930s, during the Siege of Leningrad in World War II, and during the Chinese Civil War and the Great Leap Forward in China.

Brithdir is a small village in South Wales, Great Britain but is completely independant as its bravest and most able fighters (or Nuts Cunts, as they are locally known) were encouraged into fighting by it's most maddest Nuts Cunts, the two brothers Gink (son of Gonks) and Mellyn (the other son of Gonks) by the immortalised words "c'mon boys we can take them" said with great courage as they were hopelessly outnumbered by New Tradegans and the famous quote "don't be a bum". This enouragement spurs the Brithdirians into fighting them off. Once they were repulsed at the battle of top end in 1673 the contruction of the Great Wall of Brithdir was underweigh.

This was completed in 1672 af ter the method of time travel was perfected by Nathan Vokes aka Flacky by using the "I Believe!" method and a car indicator. It is considered by most outsiders to be a land of "Foolish Barbarians" and indeed most outsider to visit the place are usually chased out by people wielding flaming torches and pitch fork whilst shouting "Witch, witch!", their fear of witches is well-founded as the entire region is under the control of The Sheesbree who visits terror on the heads of its residents arbitrarily.

Brithdir also boasts a resident leprechaun and fridge thief that has stolen the fridges of many famous celebrity such as Elvis Presley and future Prime Minister Gareth Morgan.

Fat Wallet Syndrome (FWS) is a psychological disorder driven by extreme insecurity over the need to have every possible card available in the wallet for immediate use even though 95% of those cards will never be used more than a few times a year.

Symptoms of fat wallet syndrome are bulging front or back pockets where there are noticeable creases in the pants caused by the oversized wallet distorting the shape of the pants and well-worn wallets in excess of one inch in thickness.

Upon closer examination, the subject will typically have several credit cards, library card, driver's license, department store cards, petro-points cards, frequent flier card, movie rental card, work-pass card, bus pass, dozens of receipts, and moderate amounts of cash in typically small bills as people with FWS also tend to be a little on the cheap side.

There is no known cure or treatment for either the subject or the subject's pants.

Diss is a town in Norfolk, England, with a population of around 6,500 pikeys. It lies in the valley of the River Waveney, around a giant penis (lake) which covers 6 acres and is up to 18 deep (although there is another 51 feet of mud, making it one of the deepest natural inland dykes in England). The town may take its name from the Saxon term for lake.

Quoted: "How can you tell if someone is a biochemist?" "If they yell 'Fucose!' when frustrated."

If a tree falls down in a forest, and no-one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?Edit

The following argument is the brain child of an anonymous student (due to the present state of the world, and considering its religious implications), who is reading a BSc in Government at the London School of Economics and Political Science: Dated: 20th July 2005

"If a tree falls down in a forest and no-one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

1. The above statement is a question.

2. Questions are made up of words, sentences and symbols.

3. Words, sentences and symbols pertain to language.

4. Language is a concept.

5. Concepts are ideas.

6. Some people express that "Religion" is an idea.

7. Religion teaches that there exists a being called "God".

8. God created human beings in his own image.

9. Human beings are flawed.

10. Therefore, God is flawed.

11. The Universe is perfect.

12. It is impossible for flawed beings to achieve perfection.

13. Therefore, God did not create the Universe.

14. If God did not create the Universe, then some other being must have done so.

15. By definition, therefore, the being that created the Universe must be perfect.

16. Perfect beings do not created flawed products.

17. Therefore the being that created the Universe did not create God.

18. Therefore, God does not dwell in our universe.

19. God cannot be empirically verified.

20. All things which cannot be empirically verified are reduced to concepts.

21. Therefore, God is reduced to a concept.

22. Only human beings can create and use concepts.

23. Human beings are flawed and therefore create flawed concepts.

24. God is a flawed concept.

25. Ipso facto, human beings created God.

26. The author of this argument is a human being.

27. As human beings are flawed, this argument must also be flawed.

28. All properties that pertain to reality are derivative of the Universe.

29. Thus, reality is perfect.

30. Flawed arguments do not pertain to reality.

31. All flawed arguments are derivative of human beings.

32. As the authors of flawed arguments, human beings do not pertain to reality.

33. All things in existence must pertain to reality.

34. Therefore, human beings do not exist.

35. "Sound", is a concept held in language.

36. If human beings do not exist then concepts do not exist.

37. If concepts do not exist, then language does not exist.

38. If language does not exist, then "Sound" does not exist.

39. As a concept, "Sound" is dependant on human existence for its meaning.

40. Therefore, without human existence, the phenomena of "Sound" loses its meaning.

41. Therefore, if a tree falls down in a forest, and no-one is around to hear it, it cannot make a sound.

The term God (capitalized in English language as a proper noun) is often used to refer vaguely to a Supreme Being. However, there are many other definitions of the term, a common trait of which is a reference to absoluteness or superlative qualities. For example: i am gay

Have you ever been in the midst of the hunt, tracking down the savage winged beast, which is at that moment perched on a window, and you are poised for the deathblow, when your mother screeches, "Jackson, if you smear that bug on that window, I'll ground you"? Well, I have. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers, we members of the mighty guild, we fly hunters, must be well equipped, and what better equipment is there than the stupendous fly gun? Now, I know many people get all nostalgic and teary eyed over ol' Betsy, the fly swatter you had since you were a boy, (you nostalgic folks know who you are), but it's about time fly hunting made the jump to the 21st century, like professional bowling, or curling. With the fly gun, fly hunting has done just that. Strap on your black leather jacket and put on your black shades, and pull the matrix on those flies! Now, some of you may be asking why you should go out and buy some fancy fly gun contraption when a swatter works just fine, so take a look at these factoids:

Fly guns

+ No mess

+ Honorable death (stuns, or kills intact)

+ Adds an aspect of fun

+ By 1st hand experience, it does work!

+ Gives 2 ft of range

- Spring and string can wear out

- Carries higher price tag, 6.95

Fly swatters

Squishes the fly -

Squishes the fly -

Not so much -

Same here +

Melee, not ranged -

Lasts a while +

Only 79 cents at local hardware stores +

Now that we've established the fact that fly guns are superior in almost every way to the common fly swatter And, for those of you who have bad feelings about killing the little buggers, then here are some more facts that may interest you:

Ø After studying 300,000 flies, researchers Dr. Yao and Dr. Yuan of China concluded that your average housefly carries 2 million bacteria on its body. Blecch.

Ø Despite years of trying, no researcher has ever been able to teach flies anything - fish learn, ants learn, snails learn, cockroaches learn, even worms learn … but never flies. So why not put them out of their misery?

Ø If a house fly spots a group of flies, he will join them. That's why granny's sticky flypaper worked so well - a few flies got stuck and soon all the others were rushing over to check out the crowd. You just can't help putting something that stupid out of its misery!

Ø A German researcher has invented an enormous electro-shock fly swatter, measuring 4 meters by 1/2metre. A portable generator / battery runs 10,000 volts through it. Despite the size, it is light enough to be carried by a single man and can be used against swarming insects which are killed in milliseconds. That's just a fun fact. Couldn't help but put that one in!

And now you understand the terrible menace that flies are to society, or at least why they are dumb enough to be killed, there should remain no doubts in your mind that you should go out right now, cough up your 6.95, and go by a fly gun now! And if you're still asking why, you're a sorry case, and just remember, Uncle Sam wants you to go shoot some flies!

This page is an archive of the proposed deletion of the article below. Further comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or on a Votes for Undeletion nomination). No further edits should be made to this page.

The result of the debate was speedy keep. smoddy 21:52, 21 July 2005 (UTC)

Template:Spoiler
Not encyclopedic at all. The entire known skills and possessions parts are prime examples. Nobody needs to know that a character in a fictional book discovers uses for dragon's blood or is extremely skilled at transfiguration. This is more of a fan FAQ than an encyclopedia article. Needs to be shortened to a paragraph or two and merged with Harry Potter at best, deleted at worst. Severus Snape 15:09, 21 July 2005 (UTC)

Strong Keep. User created just to do this VfD, smells like a bad faith nomination to me based on someone's idea of a joke for this username to nominate that article. —khaosworks 15:22, July 21, 2005 (UTC)

Speedy keep this nomination was a joke; the username of the nominator is a Harry Potter reference, and see above comments for more (and though I'm not partial to having fictional characters in the Wikipedia, this one is as notable as needs to be). -Harmil 17:36, 21 July 2005 (UTC)

keep this too the delete attempt is a bjodn alright Yuckfoo 17:59, 21 July 2005 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive of the debate. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in an undeletion request). No further edits should be made to this page.

The following discussion is an archived debate of the proposed deletion of the miscellany page below. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the page's talk page or in a deletion review). No further edits should be made to this page.

The result of the debate was delete. (Radiant) 15:15, 24 November 2006 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive of the debate. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the page's talk page or in a deletion review). No further edits should be made to this page.

Votes for Deification (VfD) is where Wikipedians decide what should be done with godly articles. Items sent here usually wait five days or so; then the following actions can be taken on an article as a result of community consensus:

example 2: how to escape an vampire
1:play dead mostly it works, otherwise the vampire will suck your blood and eat your head!
2:dance tango with the vampire
3:pretend you have the blood type "AAABBK+?"
4:speak german(no hard feelings pleace:) )
5:sing charda diez sonato 2. and hope it work
6:sacrifice an hobo in the name of satan
7: if nothing else works, take an assprine and call my office tommorow
if you want to see more wierd humour

Keep. Since yesterday, we, the creators of the article, were confronted with a number of very surprising incidents involving the user goethean. First, the article was tagged as disputed by goethean because it supposedly violated Wikipedia's rules of neutrality. Quoting from the user goethean; "It is not written from a neutral point of view. It will have to be re-written to conform with Wikipedia standards of neutrality. Specifically, the unattributed claims that a god led men to write a particular book represent a particular point of view and must be attributed to those who hold these claims…" We made the changes requested by this user and asked him to have the disputed tag removed. Instead of acknowledging the changes, he put a request that this article be entirely deleted. We find this absolutely incomprehensible. He claims that this article is meant for self-promotion. This article can in no way be considered self-promotion, as the author, Dr. Hajari, passed away in 1978. goethean also said that he did a search on google for Hajari+Devayan, and the search engine only provided two relevant hits. We would like to suggest to goethean that he makes another search in google for Devayan, and he will find many websites associated with the epic Devayan. Dr. Hajari was a life long devoted disciple of Sri Aurobindo, and Sri Aurobindo was his guru. If he received any assistance from his guru, then there should be no reason for surprise. In the article, we have attributed all supposed claims to the author, Dr. Hajari, and the article in no way suggests that these claims are absolute facts. goethean also mentioned that Devayan is not listed amongst the books issued by the Sri Aurobindo Ashram. It's a fact that many ashramites have written books which have been published outside the ashram. Since this was our first Wikipedian article, we did not know that we did not have the right to delete comments posted by other users. We deleted goethean's comments. After he told us that this was not allowed, we apologized to him and he put his comments back on the page. And as far as we know, we are allowed to post links on other articles which could be related to the subject matter. If still there are any points which need to be ironed out in the article, we would be more than pleased to make the changes. Considering all of the above, we strongly feel that this article SHOULD NOT BE DELETED!!

Bob Bobbert Bobson is an imaginary person created to put on the playHARD website as the creator because the real creator did not want his name to be on the website because of personal worrys of identity stuff. The full text containing Bob Bobbert Bobson on the playHARD page is as follows:

Bob Bobbert Bobson of the Charlotte Bobcats

Bob Bobbert Bobson's International House of Leiterhosen in Bobville, Floribob

Math Rashes-a red rash in the form of plus, minus, times, division, or equal signs that breaks out on the skin of school children who have been doing too much math in a classroom. The cure for Math Rashes is only one thing, double recess.

The creation and maintenance of the Disneyverse has created a large number of continuity problems, not all of which have been addressed.

Some examples:

Mickey Mouse owns a dog called Pluto. Pluto lives in a kennel in Mickey's garden, wears no clothes and barks like a normal dog. However, Mickey also has a friend called Goofy - who is also a dog. Goofy wears clothes, lives in a house and can talk. Such viewers as may notice this apparent contradiction may suspect that either Mickey Mouse and Pluto are partners in a sadomasochistic relationship (and his neighbours very tolerant of one partner living naked in the garden) or that Mr Mouse is somewhat unenlightened in his handling of friends with learning disabilities.

Occasionally Pluto appears to belong to Donald Duck instead of to Mickey. No explanation of this is ever offered.

Donald Duck wears a sailor suit jacket but no trousers, thus committing indecent exposure every time he leaves his house, but without ever being arrested. He is also able to take a bath by immersing himself in water (unlike the real ducks that he has occasionally been seen feeding in the local park).

Bartlet was shot in Arlington. The President's wounds were not serious and it was later discovered that Charlie Young, the President's personal assistant, was the actual target of the assassination attempt, not the President himself.

Bartlet announced to the country that he suffers from multiple sclerosis, and had been keeping it a secret.

President Bartlet's daughter, Zoey, was kidnapped on the day of her graduation from Georgetown University, possibly due to the Bartlet-ordered assassination of the Qumari defense minister. While Zoey was missing, President Bartlet invoked Section 3 of the 25th Amendment, giving up the power of the presidency. Due to the resignation a few days earlier of Vice President John Hoynes, the Speaker of the HouseGlen Allen Walken, a Republican, became Acting President. Zoey was recovered with only minor injuries several days later and President Bartlet reassumed his office a few hours later. On a trip to China, Bartlet was left temporarily paralyzed by an attack of MS.

Bartlet is currently in the last year of his term, with elections to occur in November of 2008. His potential successors are Rep. Matt Santos (D-TX) and Sen. Arnold Vinick (R-CA).

A bodily condition that presents itself on very hot/humid days where a certain part of the body turns to butter (I'm guessing). My friend Nick used this term, but I didn't really know what it meant, so I'm hoping that someone out there can clear this up for me.

Hi,
I am a 19 yr old male..I read the article about masturbation on ur site but I am still confused about the effects such as premature ejaculation due to masturbation. I masturbate twice a day normally It would be kind of you if u reply...Akshay Jain

I think Mr. Jain is expressing his concern that his ejaculations might be premature at some point in the future when he will not be confined to masturbation anymore. dab(ᛏ) 12:51, 20 July 2005 (UTC)

The only ill effects you're likely to see from masturbation are chafing, an RSI, and dehydration if you do it more than a thousand times a day. Enjoy yourself now; when you're seventy, you'll probably have arthritis and won't be able to do it anymore. — Essjay · Talk 13:48, July 20, 2005 (UTC)

You can't go blind in both eyes from it, and isn't losing one eye worth it? As for the hair on the palms, as long as it's soft hair and/or you remember to use a quality creme rinse, it will only add to the experience! ; - ) — Essjay · Talk 14:21, July 20, 2005 (UTC)

If you're worried masturbation will cause you to ejaculate too early when you are having sex later you can relax. It's quite unlikely. If it's not you can use the "stop and go" method to proong the experience. - Mgm|(talk) 14:39, July 20, 2005 (UTC)

Actually, there are a few harmful effects of masturbation not mentioned. About a year ago I (yes, I, this is not anecdotal) got EXTREME headaches after, well, wanking. I mean EXTREME, it was the worst pain I've ever suffered. This went on for about a week, I hoped it would get better and it did. I think it has something to do with blood-pressure, but I am not sure. Should have gone to see a doctor really...... gkhan 20:53, July 20, 2005 (UTC)

Yes that is due to blood pressure. As someone once said, "God gave man a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to use one at a time". While funny, this quote is not untrue. If you masturbate the "wrong" way you will sometimes cause a headache-like feeling that can last a while, and the length it lasts for depends on how wrong your technique was (*has first-hand experience*) so just do it the "right" way and this won't happen. The website below lists what not to do. GarrettTalk 23:12, 20 July 2005 (UTC)

Are you accusing me of not being able to masturbate? :P All jokes aside, I don't think i did it the "wrong" way, I've done it the same way all me life (sorry about the "me", just finished the latest Harry Potter book), and I've never gotten headaches before or since. gkhan 16:44, July 21, 2005 (UTC)

Depending on the laws where you live, perhaps you not supposed to do this until age 21, so don't get caught. Certain mental fantasies will get the same results without having to put your hand down there, so don't sweat the arthritis. Your bed sheets or underpants can get soiled, depending on where you are when you invoke this. AlMac 21:33, 20 July 2005 (UTC)

Might I suggest you visit a very helpful website JackinWorld, "The Ultimate Male Masturbation Resource". It will tell you all you need to know based on real medical facts etc. etc. etc. From what I've read, premature ejaculation is extremely rare and, when it occurs, is due to other medical problems, not masturbation, and, indeed, masturbation can be used to teach yourself more control over your responses in order to fulfill the ideal that "nice guys finish last", if you know what I mean. :) Oh, and the hair and blindness are completely untrue. Or, at least, I still have my eyesight and smooth palms... gee it's gone all blurry again, I hope that's the save button down there, I need to go shave them... :) GarrettTalk 23:12, 20 July 2005 (UTC)

Hmmm, well the most harmful effect of masturbation is that it can lead to the extinction of the human race. No kidding! If the whole population of a country only engaged in masturbation to the total exclusion of sexual intercourse, you would see a dramatic fall in the birth rate. If this situation is maintained for some 150 years, the whole population of the country will die out. <Peter Jones Voice>This, of course, is very unlikely to happen.</Peter Jones Voice>

That is to say, it is very unlikely to happen, except that it has more or less happened at least once. Although they didn't encourage masturbation, the religious mores of the Shakers were sufficiently effective in advocating celibacy, that once their popularity began to wane in the 19th century and it became difficult to attract new followers, most Shaker communities effectively died out after a couple of generations. — Solipsist 16:15, 22 July 2005 (UTC)

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