Life, Musings, Infidelity, Recovery

The Start to October

I am in a better space writing this post, I must be honest, some days I am on the biggest roller-coaster of emotions, the next thing I feel numb and then you’re back to feeling everything again at once.

One come to realize quickly during this time that you have people that you can rely on, some of them are there for their own benefit and others are genuinely there to support you through everything, no matter what. You also have so many people around you who is judgmental, who share their opinions so freely no matter the cost and yeah you also have the support of the people who wants something from this all. Thank you for the comments on the question post, I needed more views and just wanted to get the general view on things and appreciate the feedback.

Okay so back to the start of October, it started with the wedding of friends.

Now weddings at this stage is a really touchy subject for me (and it is just because of where I am right now), but to top it all of, I saw Lady 1 and her husband at the wedding as well because the couple who got married, the lady also works with Lady 1. The wedding venue was breathtaking, in the country, surrounded by nature it was truly beautiful and for a moment one manage to put everything you are dealing with in the back of your mind just to live in the moment for a couple of hours, not forgetting what you are going through but just trying to enjoy the joining of these two people.

It makes you wonder (well it made me wonder) People deem marriages as sacred and when asked people will quickly tell you that it is between two people who loves each other and honestly I use to be one of those people, but now I feel so much different. Yes a marriage is sacred it should be between two people, who loves and will cherish one another, but the fact of the matter is that these feelings changes for people over time and people easily feel or think differently about these things

So most of us either say the standard vows or write our own and it goes a little like this:

“I take thee to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge myself to you.”

…and to read or to listen to these vows one sit and think how for some it is so easy to go back on vows, go back on their promise and go back on a commitment they made in front of God. I think that I might have valued these words too much and therefore I feel so betrayed and hurt. Isn’t a marriage supposed to be the place where you feel safe with your spouse, well I don’t, and if I don’t I think he doesn’t feel safe with me either right Anyway moving on…

I’ve only been to 2 weddings in the intervening years. Our vowel renewal, 2 years after The War, and my sisters wedding seven years after. By the time I got to my sisters I didn’t geel cynical anymore. When we renewed our vows my friend Toni made us a cross stitch picture that read a weddiing is an event a marriage is an achievement.
Moisy