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Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Species of Tube Traveller #11 - The Smowhawk

I've been wondering when a good time would be to bring up an
analysis on The Smowhawk as it is easily the most common and frustrating
species of tube traveller out there. Now’s as good a time as any I suppose.

You
know them as slow- walkers, strollers, laggards or only by the feelings of rage
you suppress when you get stuck behind one. Now I'm not referring to anyone who is elderly or disabled in any way, I mean the perfectly able numbskull who is walking approximately
60% slower than they should be.

The Smowhawk

There’s nothing quite as infuriating then walking down a
tunnel and getting stuck behind one of these ambling assholes who are
completely unaware they have about 50 people behind them. There is no escape
from The Smowhawk as they populate tunnels, stairs escalators, tickets halls,
platforms and even the surface. Their high numbers can only be attributed to
a spore-like reproductive cycle (in theory) and their diet consists of anger and fustration.

An evolutionary quirk has also enabled them to have a special
instinct to know when you are about to attempt an overtake so that they can
suddenly saunter over your new path to thwart you. The Smowhawk is the number one most hated species of
commuter and with such high numbers, something needs to be done.
With enough
backing we can petition the government for some inhumane culling, preferably
with lots of fire and acid.