Thursday, February 25, 2016

It has been a very long time since I have updated this blog,
and that is for more reasons then I really care to go into, the biggest of them
was I had two major life altering events happen to me in 2015, my wife left me
and divorced me and my mother passed away three months later. 2014 wasn’t much better as my then wife and I were trying to
understand everything going on and the dissolving of our marriage; I had an
absolute miserable experience that year as a Freemason. As I was dealing with a marriage that was
falling apart in front of me I also became subject to personal attacks by men
who call themselves “Masons”. This wasn’t
some grand conspiracy, but rather a series of unfortunate events and it was
always the same actors. My character, my
career and even my service to this country was attacked as I attempted to just
complete and do my duty as an officer of my lodge. I kept telling myself, it will get better,
but it really didn’t. I started to
become one of those guys you read about on the internet. Becoming jaded by the false promise of brotherhood,
and the quality of men that were the most active in our fraternity, were
sometimes the absolute worse as people both in character and in behavior.

Things were getting better, but then the bottom fell out and
my wife filed, we were divorced before I knew it and then my mother died. I
fell into a depression that I just didn’t want to get out of bed, let alone go
face the same people that seem to take such delight in my misery before all of
this happen. I didn’t want to read about
Freemasonry anymore, I eschewed any symbols, references or ritual. Lying in bed a “brother” texted me and wrote “You
know you aren’t the first person to lose their mother”. Thanks, that is what I call brotherly
love. I was sick all the time and just
was in a funk I never felt before. I
honestly would have given up on Freemasonry, if it wasn’t for being in offices
and having a strong enough sense of duty to do what I needed to do, to fulfill my
obligations.

There is a saying in research “There is nothing dirtier then
academic politics, because there is nothing to lose.” The absolute same can be said about Freemasonry,
my greatest rival/advisory at work has treated me with more respect and dignity
then some Freemasons who call themselves brothers. So now as I have licked my wounds for 8
months, and am starting to come out of my funk, I am trying to understand what
role I should play in the future for our fraternity. When I am done with my duties do I just fade
away, do I run to the invitational bodies and be one of those guys that doesn’t
support the blue lodges?

These are all questions I face right now as I try to figure
out how to move forward, all I know is that my Freemasonry is on life support,
and only I can choose to pull the plug.

From Darkness to Light - So Mote It Be

This blog was conceived as a way for me to keep record of my Masonic journey from Entered Apprentice to Master Mason and beyond. Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions or comments. All graphics on the side bar are from Steve McKim's Masonic Graphics

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