Monday, August 25, 2008

Middle school was Great. I absolutely loved every second of it. I missed the first 3 months of my middle school career because I broke my leg, but after that everything was great. I couldn't wait to go to school. I had classes with all my friends from elementary school, and then since we have only one middle school in my town, all the elementray schools come together for middle school and you get to meet so many new people.

Middle school is just a chaotic place to begin with. Raging hormones is all I need to say. And just us being crazy contributed to my mean girl activities. But to my defense, everybody was Mean Girls. Like I remember some of my friends, I had nothing to do with this, gave this handicapped girl a christmas present and they made her open it in front of everybody. And when she opened it, it was a box full of pads and tampons. And the real mean part was people used to pick on her because you could always tell the week of her period because she would bring a change of clothes and about midday she would have on a different outfit. So to be funny, thats what they did. And the teacher flipped on them. She was our cheerleading coach plus the math teacher and they got hell for that little prank. Glad I wasn't apart of that.

Also there was this girl who after school one day, gave head to like 5 boys in the teachers lounge bathroom. YES IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. We were a wild bunch, I have to admit. We did most of our wild shit before high school. People used to have sex in the locker rooms. One of my friends first time was in the girls locker room. And another was in the back room of a store that her father owned. One girl even shitted on the floor in the gym to get back at a janitor that made her mad. And we always knew everybodies business, its a small school and small town. But back to the girl giving head. So by the next day EVERYBODY knew about it because she and all the boys got suspended from school. And there was this girl who made up this song and dance about her. All I remember is "If you give her a dime, she'll do three at a time." And then at the end of the song they would break into this dance where they would drop down on one knee and start moving their head back and forth. IT WAS HILARIOUS. But mean as hell.

But I did my fair share of mean girlness. We were in AG English class and it was this boy that nobody could stand. And its funny because in that class we took it back to Jim Crow. We had the black side of class, and the white side of class. With a few token white people on the black side and vice versa. And then there was this section of desks where the people that neither group really liked sat. It was this girl and boy who nobody really liked because they both always had to show off how smart they were ALL THE TIME. Very annoying. So basically we had a sub, and we were just having fun and the boy started talking "smart" again and so they all dared me to throw this dictionary at him. And me being me, I did it. However, not realizing how much force it takes to throw a heavy ass dictionary I ended up hitting the girl that nobody likes, before I hit the boy that nobody likes. And she started crying. But I didn't get in trouble. How I didn't get in trouble is BEYOND ME. But I didn't, no punishment at all. And I even remember being asked why I did it, and I was like, I wasn't trying to hit her, I was trying to hit the boy. (SO MEAN)

And another edition of mean girlness was when I used to go to this summer program there was this girl there that the majority of us there didn't like because she was a hoe. Basically. And one day we were practicing for a talent show and my younger cousin was in the program too, and she was all over him, and I loudly told him in front of everybody to "tell that hoe to leave you alone." And also that day, we were playing basketball in the gym and a friend dared me to throw a basketball at her while they distracted her, and I did. AND THEN as we was leaving to go home that day, she was running her mouth and I told her that "I will beat your ass out here right now." But she kept walking towards her bus. SO MEAN I KNOW!!

The stories don't end. I also had a friend that I was cool with since elementary school that I turned on because she was one of those girls who flirted with everybody's man, so nobody liked her either. In fact, to this day, I don't know of anybody who really likes her. But we were always cool until one of my friends told me she was all over my boyfriend as they were walking to the buses. I never had to ride the bus because my mother worked at the school I went to so I couldn't walk out to he buses. And after that day, my friends and I gave her hell. She wore her hair in this part that started right above her ear, and she would swoop her hair over, almost like a comb over. It was terrible. We picked on her for that. And she had a chipped tooth, so we would call her chipped. And then one day, in English class, we talked and made up. I felt so bad because she was actually a nice person. And still to this day I feel bad for what I did to her. But after we mde up, we never had another problem.

But Im not like that anymore. AT ALL. That was just raging hormones and all that stuff that makes middle school aged kids crazy. There are probably a million more stories I could tell, but I kinda don't remember the details. These are just ones that I could remember. But again, I AM NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. In fact, I've had numerous opportunities where I could have played the role of mean girl, but I usually just let people make a fool of themselves without getting into it. But I will admit, sometimes I just want to revert back to all that mean girlness with some girls who just don't understand anything else. But I can't bring myself to do it. But MAN ITS SO HARD NOT TO ACT RECKLESS...

I've been doing some..."Summer Cleaning"...and ran across a few things that I had forgotten about all together. I'm the type of person who likes to keep things so that when I run across them years later, I can sit down and look at it and laugh. I'm not a pack rat. I don't save everything just the important things. I have a Jordan shoe box under my bed that I call my "box full of memories." It has things like receipts, concert tickets, my first plane ride ticket, lots of stuff from my trip to Chicago and Lollapalooza, a keychain from a friend that died, alot of stuff that I one day HOPE to scrapbook. I even have old school work from middle school, and letters that my friends and I used to write in class, which are the funniest things I've ever read. I couldn't imagine that I acted that way in middle school and even high school. I've always thought I was mature for my age, and I was kinda was. But I think I say that because I never really got caught up in boy craziness like everyone else. Boys were always whatever to me. Or at least thats how I came off.

But one thing that I found that I almost threw away was a Teen People magazine from March 2005 with Ashley Simpson on the cover. I used to get these emails where I was apart of a focus group fcalled Trendspotters for Teen People and we had to answer questions that might be used in the magazine. And I remember my cousin calling me one day and she was like...

Cousin: "I just read something you wrote in Teen People magazine."

Me: "What? How do you know it was me?"

Cousin: "Because it has your name, where you're from and your age."

Me: "What does it say?"

So my mother goes out and buys the magazine for me, and my comment was in an article called "25 ways to get his attention." And my comment was "Focus your flirtation. If you're with the boy you like, direct your attention toward him and only him, not toward him and every other guy. "Otherwise, your crush won't be able to distinguish if you like him or if you just flirt with everybody."

And when I first read this comment I didn't even remember submitting it, but it sounded like something I would say. But whats so funny about all this is that I'm the type of person who gives great advice but I never seem to follow my own advice. To a certain extent I do, but in this case, of focusing my flirtation, I definitely don't. I'm a Flirt and I usually flirt with everybody, friends, ex-boyfriends, future boyfriends, strangers, it doesn't matter. However, I know when to draw the line, nobody likes a girl who flirts ALL THE TIME. Thats just annoying. LOL.

This is the magazine. I'll probably keep it forever. Something to show my kids one day.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I love the blog, CollegeCandy.com, and I would love to write for them. They are always looking for new people to join their blog and so I have decided to try and see if I can get in on the greatness.

I have to provide them with 3 samples of my writing in the topics of my choice which will probably be sex, relationships, and maybe MAYBE fashion. I have major opinions on sex and relationships but as far as fashion goes, Im more of a "I like what I like" type person and I don't believe that my fashion sense has to be your fashion sense. So I will probably just stick to sex and relationships, something I can speak more on.

I don't know why. Its just hilarious to me some of the stuff people do. Writing passive aggressive notes is funny. I write them to my mother, but as a joke though.

And I love this website SO MUCH, that I kinda started a blog that is sorta of something like it. But I'm trying to find some more people to contribute to the blog with me. Moreso for fun, and not for attention. Its just funny to read people's thoughts. I think.

I've come to terms with alot of things lately. Especially with the whole "my friends ain't shit" thing that I've been going through lately. It wasn't a giant surprising shocker to me but then again, I didn't think it would end like this.

I was mad, then upset, then kinda regretful, then slightly forgiving, then came feelings of I told you so, and back to madness, and finally indifferent. FINALLY INDIFFERENT. And anybody who knows me, once Im indifferent about you, where I don't care one way or another, it could be good or bad.

Good, if we were on extremely bad terms and the end result ended up with me not caring one way or another. But bad, if you think we're still friends and everything is back to normal. Cause it definitely won't be. I will be cordial but I won't be considerate. Meaning whenever you ask for me something that I would have normally did, I probably won't go out of my way to do it. If I simply don't feel like doing it, I won't.

Plus its time for a change. I was getting way too comfortable with a bunch of bullshit. That I can see now was bullshit.

My girl cousins and I were talking about sex one day this weekend. (FYI I had a family reunion this weekend, so thats why alot of my posts have to do with my family all of a sudden)

One of my cousins just recently started having sex and we were just all curious to what it is that her and her boyfriend be doing because they both were virgins. And then my cousin for a long time was tryin to ride on her high horse and act like she was not gonna have sex until she got married and blah blah blah. So we're all just joking and talking and my cousin says something about how her and her boyfriend only have sex where she is on top. So then I'm like well what do you do on top? And she's like nothing. (First mistake)

So at this point all of my other girl cousins are ridiculing her and telling her that she is garbage and how her man is gonna leave her if she doesn't get some moves. Another funny story, my male cousin was clowning this girl he talks to and in a drunken moment told the whole room that the girl has NO MOVES. HAHAHAHAHA...Sex moves that is.

Okay, so me and my other cousin are the oldest and we're tryin to explain that men are the ones who really do most of the work when you have sex, as far as movement. But when you're on top thats your time to shine, so to speak. You can't get on top and just sit there because the whole point of you being on top is so that you do the bulk of the movement and the guy just chills and takes it all in.

And we explain to her how important having "moves" are. Your moves separate the good from the great. Just like being a great pussy eater goes A LONG WAY. The totem pole goes like this for me (and most of my cousins and friends)...(we had a SERIOUS girl talk this weekend LOL)

For the record, writing Pussy so many times is almost killing me, I hate that word. But roughly (lol) thats how we figure the totem pole goes. And I assume this is basically the same for women, substituting Pussy and Head Game for Dick and Pussy Eating Skills. Obviously your sex game has to be on point but you definitely get bonus points for your extracurriculars. You have to be able to separate yourself from the rest. We came to the conclusion that there is NOTHING wrong with being a freak. In fact, thats probably one of the best things you can be with your man. Don't let it get boring. If you keep it exciting, then he won't need to go out and get something new from another bitch.

Being that my cousin is young and still living with her parents who know she is having sex but doesn't necessarily approve of it, we couldn't really give her alot of suggestions. We ultimately told her that she wouldn't be with her current boyfriend forever and she really shouldn't be. You should test the waters and see whats out there. But thats another girl talk, I'm gonna stay on subject with this one.

What else did we talk about?.....Well ALOT. But I have a book that I recommend everyone in the world to read at some point in their life. Preferably early on in your sexual experiences so that you can use the information in the book to perfect your craft. Its called Guide to Getting it on, and it covers EVERYTHING. Any and everything you could imagine. Its more than 2 inches thick, so that should give you an idea. Read it. Love It. I've had it since my freshman year of college and every friend or family member that comes to my house and sees the book, reads it. Even the ones whom I couldn't pay to read anything else.

My cousins and I was talking about if we were not family, would we ever be friends with each other if we were in the circumstances where we had the chance to be friends.

And I had already thought about this before because I have a few cousins who are actually my very good friends, and really some of the only people I depend on for anything. I have two cousins who I will say are my favorites. Two male cousins. One of them has been my nigga since forever. We've always been on the same page. We are the male and female version of each other. We just have an unspoken understanding. I have never felt like I just needed to get away from him. I think I could probably be around him forever and wouldn't have one problem. Then my other male cousin, we laugh all day. We always have a good time together. And the good thing about our relationship is we know when we've had enough of each other and we can step away without there being any conflict. Back to the whole principle of having an understanding.

But then I have some cousins who if we were acquainted I probably wouldn't fuck with them like that. Nothing more than a "whats up. how u been lately" type thing. I have one cousin who just gets on my nerves because she is so selfish. She thinks that you are suppose to do everything she asks and when shit doesn't go her way, she gets an attitude. There was a situation this weekend, where I asked her to carry this bag of ice while my other cousin and I went to the liquor store before it closed. So we're getting ready to leave and my other cousin comes to tell me that she just drops the bag of ice at the door and is like I'm not carrying this. Oh how I wish I could have been there because she would have been mad at me. She would have carried that bag of ice or she would have been calling a ride to pick her up from the store. She always try to hit people with the diva antics, she treats all her friends like shit, but I'm like Bitch we're family and all this bougie shit is not called for. She just thinks she too good to do a bunch of shit. And I recently let a friend go for some of the same type of selfish ass, ungrateful bullshit. But as she is family, I have to deal with her, but if she won't...

And I have another cousin who I'm kinda on the fence with. I think she could be a good friend, but she'd be one of those friends who I could only be around for a little while and would probably never bring my man around her for too long. She claims she doesn't get along well with girls because so I don't know if she would even try to be my friend anyway. She doesn't get along well with girls because she thinks girls are all jealous, bitchy people but my cousin is a flirt. And nobody really wants somebody around who flirts with EVERYBODY. But that wouldn't really matter to me so we maybe could be cool. Maybe.

But most of my cousins are cool. I could see myself being friends with all of them. I'm not a very high maintenance friend so as long as you don't get on my nerves too much, or do a bunch of bullshit, we can be cool.

Its just that I use this blog to clear my mind and get things off my chest. With that said...

I realized this weekend that this semester is gonna be crazy. I'm going to be taking classes, working full-time, and trying to maintain my sanity while everyone I know will be asking around if I'm a college dropout. AGAIN.

I actually HATE when somebody asks me about school. I usually say what they want to hear which is usually the simplest way around it. Because if I go into specifics I could be there talking about school forever and that is one topic that I REFUSE to talk about excessively. School is still whatever to me at this point but I am really in "Grind it out" mode. I have like 2-3 more semesters to my finish and this time I'm just gonna have to sacrifice and grind it out. Do what I have to do, so I can do what I want to do.

If God never blessed me with being considerate of others people's feelings, I'd probably be the biggest bitch on Earth. Lets imagine the female version of Diddy. I'd have motherfuckers walking to Brooklyn for Cheesecake too. Just because I can. And being brutally honest, to the point of making people cry, would probably be my signature.

I was thinking about this because I know of at least 5 people whom I could have broken down because of some shit that they did to me, but I handled it in a respectful manner. I basically remained cordial and most of them don't even realize the changes that I have made in the way that I act towards them.

I actually think I can be TOO nice sometimes. WAY TOO NICE. Because I feel sometimes people aren't really considerate of me, so why should I be considerate of them. RIGHT?

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Felt like you were evolving, and changing but EVERYBODY around you was stuck. Kinda how things are right before the MEN IN BLACK would flashy thing you. All the people around you are frozen in time but you're still moving forward...

I literally had to let go of a friend because of this very reason. We not on the same shit. And my friend really wasn't even trying to bring anything to the table, after I basically bought the table and eventually had to supply everything put on it.

And thats not even the real reason why I had to let it go. Because I don't mind doing shit for people. But after doing stuff ALL THE TIME without hardly ever having to be asked, it gets old. And even then thats not the reason I had to let it go. It was only because I took notice of the shit going on around me. I don't particularly pay close attention to others around me, as far as what they do, because I don't really care to. But once I started noticing how shit was happening, it dawned on me that motherfuckers aren't really who they say they are.

For example, people that I only hear from on the weekends because they know that Im probably gonna go out. People that don't even call me for my birthday, texting and facebook are essentially for motherfuckers who don't really know me. But if I go all out to do shit for your birthday and I can't even get a phone call for mine. Letting niggas come before the people who are really there for you. no matter what. I mean I could probably go on forever and ever...

But then thats not even the end of it. Thats not why I let it go. I was actually gonna give it a second chance because I try to be a good person. But then as soon as I decide to give a second chance, the fuck ups immediately resurfaced and basically shut down all hopes for anything. I mean I literally tried, even against everybody telling me to let it go. EVERYBODY. Its funny how NOBODY gave a fuck whether we remained friends or not. (except for me)

Because at the end of the day, I look at it like this. We had our good times. Great times even. But its only so much I can take. If you didn't take the effort to recognize a good friend, then I shouldn't take the effort to remain one. And real talk, all this could be settled if I could just talk to you. But I can't because back to the beginning, We are on some different shit right now. I'm going one way, and you're going another. Not saying that my path is any better , but I seemed to not be losing alot of friends on my path while you are.

Another concept my friend doesn't understand. You can have all the friends in the world but if they're not GOOD friends, then it doesn't mean much. When everybody surrounding is comprised of fake bitches you will see. Because the people that you are calling fake ass bitches, jealous ass hoes, and such on, and so forth, where the same motherfuckers who gave you NUMEROUS chances. I know this because they told me. And at that point I knew it was only a matter of time before shit hit the fan. You don't understand that these fake ass bitches & jealous ass hoes did you plenty of favors. Favors especially since you hardly ever did anything in return. And even after chances upon chances you let shit escalate over some shit that YOU should have been doing in the first place. Shit ain't free anymore. There are not too many people who are gonna do stuff just because, so when you find those type of people you should appreciate them.

Im saying all this and you will probably never read it. And will probably never understand. I'm just gonna become a jealous ass fake ass bitch like the rest of them. And thats cool, cause back to the beginning, you are on some different shit right now. And these are the life lessons that you and I both will learn from.

I was about to end this but I thought of something else. And you of ALL people should know how easily I can let go off a motherfucker and not think twice. You know that. And as much as I wish things were different, its not. I don't get to chose my family, but I do get to chose my friends.

I hate when people talk before thinking about what they are saying. Again on the subject of haters, we all have heard those cliche expressions people give when they find out somebody is "hating" on them.

We've all heard them (and probably have said them). But I'm just so tired of people claiming to have SO MANY haters ALL THE TIME. Everybody can't possibly be hating on you and if so, then you should really look at the shit that you do. Cause odds are if EVERYBODY is "hating" on you then, there is something wrong with YOU. I don't know. I'm just tired of shit like this. I see it TOO MUCH. Hear it TOO MUCH. If you gone DO YOU, as you always claim, then DO YOU. Why are you so worried about everybody else being supposedly "jealous," "envious," and "mad" at you? Fuck em and move on. You don't have to recite to the world your hater cliches, it only makes you look stupid (to me anyway).

Seventeen Daily Freebie

My Mantras

"Sleeping is for Dreamers"- Megan "A red soled shoe doesn't mean they're Louboutins" Translation: Separate the real from the fake.- Megan"I am what I repeatedly do. Therefore my flyness is not an act, but a habit"- Aristotle and Megan"When you are too focused on what you don't have, you won't have."- Kanye West, Thank You and You're Welcome

"It is a golden rule from day one that you must put others before yourself. I believe this to be true, but as the second verse says, if you don't first look out for yourself, then you'll never be able to help anyone else. Self-preservation is actually in my opinion a big contributor to society." -Andrew Marlin, "The Rabbit"

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but we wait so long to begin it" "Sure Books can Guide you, but your heart defines you"- Jay-Z"Life ain't meant to come around twice, thats why I gotta get it right"- Lupe Fiasco"When people show you who they are, Believe them""You're better off in no relationship, than a bad relationship"