How To Know You're A Sapiosexual

How To Know You're A Sapiosexual

What Is Sapiosexuality?

How To Know You're A Sapiosexual

First thing before you start imagining a sexy librarian in a work inappropriate outfit, handing you a text book while she rattles off obscure facts, consider this: you do not have to be a brainiac or date one to be attracted to intelligence. “A sapiosexual is a relatively new word that describes a person who views intelligence as their biggest form of arousal with a partner. Intelligence and observing those using it in action is the greatest turn-on for them,” explains author and psychologist, Paul DePompo, Psy.D, ABPP.

Foreplay for you might not need champagne, teasing and oral sex – instead, what could get you amped up and ready for intercourse is having a stimulating debate or hearing your partner discuss, with fervour, something she’s passionately invested in. This level of intelligence is usually reciprocated between both partners, meaning if you are a sapio, chances are, you’ll only be comfortable dating another sapio.

What Are The Pros And Cons Of Being A Sapiosexual?

Being a sapiosexual isn’t something you choose. It’s part of your chemical make-up and your natural attraction level to fellow smart human beings. Because communication and connection are of utmost importance to you, experts say that sapiosexual relationships tend to have a better chance of making it the long haul because the intimacy is on a whole other level that goes far beyond naked bodies.

“This person is much more likely to have a marriage or relationship of ‘true minds,’ over simple attraction. The great thing about this, as we know, is that looks fade but a strong mind is lasting. If you find someone intellectually stimulating, this is likely to last many years more than physical attraction, which is largely dependent on physical attributes,” explains psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D, LCPC. “If two people are intellectual equals, their longevity is much more likely, and their interest in each other is more likely to remain strong.”

That being said, experts also warn that a sapiosexual needs to be inherently more selective when they’re dating someone because having a true brain melt is essential for happiness within a relationship. “The problem occurs if there is a mismatch and you are either into this person as a compensation for what you lack or that you rate the person on a higher-level because of their intelligence,” explains DePompo.

“This is problematic because that imbalance or rating of the person sets up an unhealthy dynamic of ‘better than/worse than.’ Relationships where partners see each other as equals last longer and are healthier. You can certainly admire their IQ, but it is important for you to own that you have exceptional traits that contribute to the relationship as well.”

What Are Some Signs You're A Sapiosexual?

If you are nodding along in agreement so far, there’s a big chance that you are turned on by intelligence. But if you are still not convinced that this is how your body and mind truly function, let the pros give you some clear indicators about what constitutes a sapiosexual.

1. You Find People More Attractive As You Get To Know Them

"Ever met someone and, though their beauty didn’t take your breath away, something about how they conducted themselves, how they spoke, and their confidence was undeniably appealing to you? Then as you got to know them, suddenly, they became way more beautiful? This is a clear sign of being a sapiosexual," Martinez explains.

“[Sapiosexuals] are the type of people who do not find someone instantly attractive. They find that the person grows to be attractive the more they talk to and get to know them. This is because it is their mind, and not their physical attributes, that attract them. So getting to know that this person has a strong and varied intellect will make them more attractive,” she adds.

2. You'd Rather Have A Really Great Conversation Than Casual Sex

This doesn't mean you don't want to have intercourse or you wouldn’t have a one-night stand if the opportunity presented itself – it just means that what turns you on and fulfills you is more mental than physical.

“This is someone who is happy in a relationship that is more of true minds than physical. They would often prefer a good conversation over a good make-out session. If they've met their equal, this can be a great fit,” Martinez says. “If their partner values the physical connection more, the person must be sure to be more balanced between intellectual and physical stimulation, to ensure both partners' needs are met.”

3. You're More Turned On By What They Know Than What They Have

For you, the finer things in life aren’t luxury items that come with hefty price tag or what others would envy. You're not the type to judge someone by their place in society, their fashion sense or how much money they have, but more by what they know and what invigorates them to personal greatness. “Status, finances, and looks are way down on the list of must-haves (if on it at all). The sapiosexual is not looking for a smart narcissist; they are looking for a person who has a zest for knowledge, learning, and discussion,” DePompo says.

4. You Just Can't Put Up With Bad Grammar

You might forgive someone who is in a hurry and sends a "Running l8, c u soon" text one time, but the final straw and a big turn off would be consistent bad grammar. You want someone who is on the same intellectual pageas you, and if they’re demonstrating their laziness via iPhone blue bubbles, that alone could be enough for you to say bye.

“You are sapiosexual if you not only appreciate a person who can spell and use grammar that extends beyond a cute abbreviation or emoji, but when their writing style in the form of texts, notes, etc. gives you a literal or figurative woody,” DePompo says.

5. You're Much More Likely To Find The Diamond In The Rough

So much of what first brings couples together is based on that instant lock-of-the-eyes and scan of each other's bodies. However, for a sapiosexual, a powerful, intense attraction might happen far later in the dating process, giving you the opportunity to meet someone truly remarkable instead of someone who's merely beautiful at face value.

“It is the times when on first glance two people do not seem to go together, but when you talk to them you realise how perfectly suited they are for each other. It's because they are consistently interested in what the other has to say, and they genuinely find this person mentally and emotionally stimulating,” Martinez says.

6. You're Turned On By Knowledge – In Any Form

You don't need someone who has the perfect IQ, who's top of their field or who has a vocabulary that you need a dictionary to decipher. Instead, what gets you going and piques your interest is more about a general, profound love of knowledge, in whatever form it takes.

“A true sapiosexual loves knowledge for the sake of it. The more well-rounded the knowledge, from everyday facts to obscure references, the better. For example, in the '80s, the person likely to win any edition of Trivial Pursuit would be considered more attractive than the person who could discuss the ins and outs of their Pontiac Trans Am,” DePompo says.