mother of eight childrentwo-gallon a day Coca-Cola habitLet me guess, 8 in 8 years? Not 8 in 16?

2. Death by tuna.Scomboid scomboid scomboidhis job was to put sealed cans of tuna into a pressure cooker to sterilize it; it's not known how he wound up inside the oven.Not scomboid, sounds like he sleeps with the fishes. He SLEEPS with the FISHES.

crabsno termites:"In other news, a Bumble Bee spokesman announced that a few of its lucky customers would find a sample of their exciting new product line in special cans hitting the shelves in the near soon"

Brazilians Jorge Beltrao Negromonte, 50, his wife Isabel Pires, 51, and his mistress Bruna da Silva, 25 reportedly lured two women with offers of employment into their home, then killed them to make empanada filling. The pastries were apparently then sold on the street. The fiendish crime was discovered after one of the women was arrested with a victim's credit card, and what was left of the bodies of the two murdered women was found buried in the garden of the home.

It was reported that angry neighbors -- upset empanada consumers? -- burned the house to the ground.

Years ago when my brother was in IndiaA small town baker got a bright ideaHe cut his flour with pesticideand sent a bunch of neighbours on their longest journeyHe was just being cheap -trying to make a profitDidn't even have shareholders to answer to

But it's worth remembering, as we sell off the forestgene-splice the world's food into an instrument of controlmaim and destroy as acts of theatre,what came next -That when the survivors looked aroundand understood what had been donethey butcheredthat baker

Brazilians Jorge Beltrao Negromonte, 50, his wife Isabel Pires, 51, and his mistress Bruna da Silva, 25 reportedly lured two women with offers of employment into their home, then killed them to make empanada filling.

Even funnier because the apparent Sweeney Todd wannabe was in fact named Jorge, and "Todd" is still a last name that would not be entirely out of place in areas of the world just south of Brazil (which is where the apparent Brazilian Sweeney Todd lived--moar on the apparent empanadas de hombres here--apparently not only were long-pig empanadas involved but some good old fashioned headhunting that was half Jack the Ripper and half Charles Manson (and all inspired by a metric butt-ton of untreated mental illness)).

/the big difficulty was actually finding an English-language source on the story that was NOT in a Rupert Murdoch-published rag

[Friday is about to eat a chili dog]Pep Streebeck: You know the kinds of things that can fall into an industrial sausage press? Not excluding rodent hairs and... bug excrement?[Friday gives a disgusted look]Joe Friday: I hate you, Streebeck.

Bob MacKenzie: [to Pam in a beer tank that's being flooded with beer] My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven. This sucks!