​I will love you alwaysThrough the muddied messesof Fall and Spring.When the winter ice is too thick to chip through,I will wait, with love,Until the Spring sun-rays melt away the obstacles.So we shall live in eternal Summer,Beach side.I will love you still, then.

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Brother Jacob, Alexa, Cousin Joshua, Brother Jeremy, Cousin Taylor

​What do I want?​What do I want?What is it that my soul desires?What is it that I can do to make myself feel completeLike I'm living a real life?Fame. Riches. Security. Love.I want it all!

Lexi and her "Momma", Susan

If I Could Change Myself

If I could change myself if I would.I'd walk with my people if I could find them​And say that I'm sorry to you.

The False Light of Hope​​​I awaken in the false light of hopeNo more do i wake with faithNo more can i breathe inthe health of a new dayFor all my days have become one.All my breaths are panged by theRot of my insides.I cannot enjoy the crisp autumn air.Something holds me - restrains meLike i am a child reaching forSomething i have been forbiddenHave been forbidden for the longest time.I know better than to try to attainWhat should be rightfully granted to all children.Children. ​Children.Oh -what beautiful creatures. How innocent-How full of life. How divine.How wondrous to be a child again.To enjoy the fallen leaves, their color.Their smell. Beautiful mud-cool and soft.A puddle- so mysterious.How i love being with these children.They are what makes me feel alive.Their pure simplicity- makes my eyes burn of jealousy and nostalgia.Yet their sharp brains and yearning to learn astounds and intrigues me.How beautiful.

Lexi and her little brother, Jacob.

Lexi: self portrait

Self Impovement

The steps to self improvementhave small beginnings.Each step builds the ladderout of the pit of despairto new hope.

​The Truth

The obsession will not cease. I make myself sick with craving. I can smell the heroin. I give myself goosebumps;my body makes my stomach cramp and my head feels like it’s going to explode. How can I be so completely obsessed with something so innately evil, destructive, costly, and all powerful?

Sunday Slumber

Sunday.A long soporific slumber on the sofa.Long enough for the saliva from his lip to already have accumulated into a fluid puddle below his face.His snore, exasperating.But today it doesn’t vex.Not on Sunday.Watch his chest. His breathing like the faint respiratory of achild- deep in dreamland.Innocent. Ingenious. Unsoiled.Inhale the putrid air.Too impure for his angelic being.

Brother Jacob, Alexa, Brother Jeremy

Either Me or You​​It's either me or you.And when I'm not begging and pleading-I'm pushing and abusing.I've got a pack full of hungry wolveswaiting for me to bring them their meat-Or I'm lost in the Saharatrying to catch up to my runaway horse.​There is no other way.

The Sprinkles of heaven - By Lexi

Old Dreams

The old dreams were good dreams.They didn't work outBut I'm glad I had them.

Journal Entry17 years old​“Yeah, my mom is always telling me that she remembers me still as a little girl and sometimes I still look exactly like I did when I was younger. I’m really happy that we’re getting close- closer than ever before. I think I love her now more than I ever have. It’s just sad to me that I ruined most of my teenage life because I wanted independence too soon. Now I’m about to become a legal adult and I would do anything to be 14 again. But oh well- you can only move forward!”-Lexi-

Lexi

The Beach

A gust of fresh air with a hint of saltBarnicles and seaweedplaster the rocksCrabs and starfish in their own little poolsDarkness brings yet another beautiful sightEvening comes, so does the tideFor little animals to return to the deep blue.