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Sunday, May 4, 2014

A Quick Gift Guide and May Caption Contest

Your Caption Here

Morning Readers,

Just in case the candy companies haven't sounded the alarm yet, I'd be remiss in not mentioning this weekend's most prestigious holiday.

I love it because I'm a mother.
Or so they tell me.
No, I'm sure of it. Otherwise, it wouldn't be, "Momma, I want jello." "Momma, I used the sprayer to wash the kitchen floor." "Momma, stop pretending to sleep and feed us breakfast. We see you breathing. I'll slap her in the face to make sure she's awake."

But, seeing as the Three Amigos are still pretty tiny, I don't expect much special treatment at this stage of life. That's why I'll let you guys in on my special Mother's Day gift guide:

Me: By the way, you ordered me shoes for Mother's Day. They'll be here on Wednesday.
Husband: You're welcome.
Me: Thank you. I just knew you'd think I'd like them, and that you would've ordered it if you'd seen it before I did.
Husband: Because I love you.

So remember, Readers, you too can order your own Mother's Day gifts and let the giver know they bought something they weren't aware of. (Or, you can ask them for an ebook copy of At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles, because it's only .99 cents until Mother's Day....:)

***

And now, this month's caption contest!

What's in it for you?

Nothing.
Kidding. Wait, will you take nothing? I didn't think so because you're
like me. OK, every month's winner gets a free paperback copy of At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles, and I'll even write out, in ink, the fact you're a caption champion, on the inside.

I
really wanted to give away a pony or ten thousand dollars every month,
but we have a mortgage and the cars are always near death. You know how
it is.

Rules:

1.) Be awesome. But since you're here, I think we can check that off the list.

2.) Comment with as many captions as you like but try to keep it PG. This does not stand for "poached goats."

3.) Captions can be dialogue, commentary, headlines or whatever made you snort when you thought about it.

4.)
No ripping on other people's captions. We love each other here. Hug a
friend. Don't tear apart their carefully crafted imaginary headline,
etc.

Oh my gosh, rules are exhausting. That was four whole sentences. Ok, get to it. This month's winner announced on May 28th!