If you’re anything like me, when you heard the Chicago Cubs signed a Cuban defector named Serrano, your first thought was, “Pedro Serrano?”

Unfortunately, no. Juan Vasser Serrano doesn’t have the same hype surrounding him as the Major League character, signing for $250,000 and most likely to be assigned to either high-A or double-A following spring training. ESPN.com reports he throws 89-92 with a slider, which sounds a lot like 80% of professional pitchers.

I’m putting the over-under at three for how many drunk fans tell Serrano, “Es very bad steal Jobu’s rum, es very bad,” per game. Hats for bats, keep bats waaarm… gracias.