A Look at things the way they are and the way they should be

Tag: expectation

…especially if it’s not real. I feel you can tell if someone is totally BSing you. You can tell if someone responds to something and it just seems like they are saying what they think is expected of them.

It seems like, at some point, a message was sent to the world saying that if you like something, you must be overly enthusiastic about it. I don’t know if it’s just social media driven or in general. You must be “obsessed” with something or it has to be “amazing” or it is the “best” thing you ever saw.

Seriously?

Where did reality go?

Sometimes, clothes are just clothes. Sometimes, a story is just a story. Sometimes, things are just “good”.

What is this image that people are trying to portray? Why do they feel like they have to 1) respond to everything and 2) absolutely love it? Doesn’t doing this diminish the value of what they are saying?

I’m not talking about kindness or positivity. I think those things are necessary to cultivate in real life. I think it’s possible for a person to be kind and/or positive without all the BS.

I’m just honestly talking about the over-the-top responses that things in this world receive sometimes. Sometimes, I have trouble believing what someone is saying just because their answers seem fake and just something that people want to hear.

In my opinion, real answers (or no comments if you aren’t going to say something kind) are better than fake. Otherwise, how can I trust what you’re saying?

Relationships are hard. Even the best relationships take some work. But, it’s possible to make a relationship easier if you just know how.

The hardest part about any relationship between 2 people is that you are going to have 2 sets of personalities and opinions. And if you’re lucky, those personalities and opinions really make the relationship a lot of fun and exciting.

But occasionally, there will be clashes. Here’s the bottom line: you can either let those differences hurt your relationship or you can help make it stronger.

When I was younger and in a relationship, I held onto things every time there was a fight. I would stew in my anger about things not going my way or if it seemed like my wants and needs were being ignored. I grew up with that image in my head that my significant other was supposed to create my every happiness (I’m sure every Bollywood movie I saw and every fairy tale I read helped grow this expectation). How surprised was I to realize that that expectation didn’t translate into real life.

Somewhere, between all of my relationships, I learned how to be responsible for my own happiness. I learned that if my significant other was happy, I was happy. I learned that sometimes, in a relationship, you’ve got to swallow your pride so that you and your significant other can move forward together.

Now, I’m in a relationship where we encourage each other to do things that make us happy and give each other the space to do so. When we fight, we take some time out and then address the issue and move on. We realize it doesn’t help either of us to be mad over something just to keep our pride and, in that, lose time enjoying each other.

My husband told me one thing while we were dating that has stuck with me throughout our relationship: “You can either be lame or you can have fun.”

So I’m pretty sure that most Indian parents out there dreamed that their child was going to grow up and be a doctor or if not that, at least an engineer. I didn’t realize that my profession as an accountant didn’t really count in the eyes of the community. Not until I had heard someone say that I was barely an accountant.

The funny thing is that I’m the one with a standard degree in my family. My siblings and even my cousins did much more interesting things that just accounting. I’m a little jealous that my degree is so boring.

So let’s talk about the standards and expectations that the Indian community has. If you’re a doctor, you’ve made it. If you marry a doctor, you have also made it. Now if you are both doctors, you both are pretty much royalty.

I’m assuming that this mentality that the generations above us have of becoming a doctor has to do with two things : financial stability and status in the community. I have even heard people in our generation talk about the fact that if someone is a doctor (or if you marry one), that person has it made.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you might actually love what you do. The people I know that are doctors have this passion for their respective specialties. They work pretty damn hard at it too.

Now let’s talk about the rest of us. The accountants, the lawyers, the business people, the journalists, the artists, etc. Are we now considered unsuccessful? When people meet us, do they look down on us because we didn’t want to become doctors? What is so wrong about following a different passion?

In past posts, I’ve talked about making something you love into a financially stable career. What if you did that already? I honestly think that as long as a person has ambition for something and can support themselves, they can do anything they want in the world. And I think people have stopped caring what the community thinks regarding this. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have had such a range of professions out there now.

The question really is whether or not we will get respect for what we have chosen to do with our lives.

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Why I do this

I have opinions. Plenty of them. Especially about things that people within my culture (South Asian Indian born and raised in America) don't talk about.
I'm hoping that people will read the blog and realize that they aren't alone in what they are feeling. Most of us are right there with you.