Month: March 2014

Loving your life is necessary. Sometimes it’s hard but once you recognize your unhappiness, lock it away from you head and heart, you’ll find your happiness. Especially when you just realized you haven’t been loving you, like you should. It jolts you into reality and you make an inventory of people and things around you. All of a sudden you are wiser, stronger, enthusiastic and genuinely happier. Some may counter you, but it’s because they are still stuck in a somber limbo, it’s hard to believe in positivity of others when you are unhappy. It’s too foreign to comprehend. I speak fluent enthusiasm for my future days!!!

This evening, I took an breath-taking shower after the gym. I laid in bed with only a towel and absorbed the good smells that were emitting out of my pores and I was in such solace. This started a topic in my mind: Why do some people not value hygiene as much as I do?

Now I know there are some folks who can not control their chronic body odor problems. Such as individuals with Bromhidrosis, also known as bromidrosis or body odor, is a common phenomenon in postpubertal individuals. In rare cases, bromhidrosis may become pathologic if it is particularly overpowering or if the bromhidrosis significantly interferes with the lives of the affected individuals. Bromhidrosis is a chronic condition in which excessive odor, usually an unpleasant one, emanates from the skin. Bromhidrosis, determined largely by apocrine gland secretion, can substantially impair a person’s quality of life.

I will eliminate these folks. That is no laughing matter and must be beyond frustrating. But, I’m talking about those folks who just choose to wake up and leave the house without showering and thinks it’s fair that you affect my nostrils sanity with your foul ass pits. It’s selfish!!!

If you don’t brush your teeth the moment you wake up and you check the clock and it’s 1pm—> brush your damn teeth

If you can physically see plaque in your teeth—-> brush your damn teeth

If you can smell your private parts through clothing —-> wash your ass

If I can see debris in your ears from a foot away—> I don’t even understand how you can hear, butI know you can read this—> buy an earwax removal kit, then just start over with cu-tips.

<——- $27.00 and I know you have the money because you sure don’t have a high water bill.

If you haven’t showered in 24 hours—> wash your ass, I don’t care if you haven’t done anything but lay in bed, you still sweat.

If you are dating and sexually active —> please be fair and wash your parts, no one wants to taste the gym floor between your legs. As AW says, if it smells like earring back I’m not putting my tongue in that.

Grown men, basketball shorts are not underwear and especially ones that you know you haven’t washed in a week.—> first your too grown to have drawstrings under your jeans.

It isn’t that hard to wash, realize that if you smell yourself then others do too. Just be fair. . .

I dated an Alcoholic, SDD. The truth is I knew there was a problem with his drinking from the very first time we went out, but I ignored my sensibility and followed my urges. I was attracted to him and I wanted to get to know him. So we developed our relationship out of convenience. Many months later. . . I love him, I hate him and I’m confused.

Dating an addict is one of the hardest experiences.

Addicts are extremely endearing and have qualities about them which are the very things that you have fallen in love with. SDD was so physically affectionate and attentive to my needs. Anything I wanted, I had, without questions asked. They are often the most creative of people. They can be extremely caring and emotional. They may be the life of the party. This doesn’t mean that life with them is going to be easy, not by a long shot, but these qualities are the ones that allow them to develop relationships with people who will love them and be able to see something far more than just an alcoholic. I saw him for so much more than the alcoholic surface. I could imagine him being the father of my children, my life partner. I know it seems surreal but they are so cunning. I love him and it is simply the truth.

Ten steps to guide you:

1. Don’t become an enabler for the addict. No matter how much you want to protect and shield him or her from any hurt, this is not going to help them in the end and it is likely to harm you. Don’t lie for them. Don’t cover up the addiction. Don’t be the supplier of the alcohol. Don’t do anything that makes it easier for the alcoholic to delve deeper into the despair and destruction that they are already creating for themselves. —> I know I enabled him, I drink wine often and brought it to him. I should have never.

2. Protect your assets. If you have financial stability or are on your way to having it, an alcoholic can put a fast end to that, but only if you allow it. Don’t hand your money over or the access to it, even if the need of the day isn’t for alcohol. For instance, if the alcoholic can’t pay his or her car payment, it is probably because the addiction has spent that money prior to the immediate need that is being faced. The alcoholic that loses that car may be more likely to face the problem sooner than the one that continues to be “bailed out”. Keep your finances seperate and secure. —> I fell in this trap

3. Do not become a part of the addiction yourself. It can be easy, when you are dating an alcoholic, to begin to drink with the person socially. This can lead to more and more areas of your own life being related to drinking and in this way, alcoholism can be catchy. —> I found myself drinking daily with him

4. Educate yourself about the addiction. This can help you to learn how to cope with your own life with an alcoholic involved emotionally in it. It can help you to learn how to protect yourself from the addiction. It can help you to understand the addiction, both where it comes from and where it may be leading.

5. Keep your own friends and family relationships. The alcoholic may be from a different circle of people than you are, but you must keep those that you care about in your life. Do not allow your relationship with the addict to take over all of the other relationships that you cherish and that your life benefits from. You will become isolated into a world of alcoholics and eventually, you will find that you have forgotten who you were before the disease and its sufferers entered your life.

6. Do not become a defender of the addiction when people that care about you are expressing concern for you. It is too easy to become defensive, often because you know that the people who are expressing the concern may very well be right. Understand that they are only speaking up because they care and don’t want to see you hurt.

7. Keep yourself on the right side of the law. You may not be breaking any laws, but it is reasonable to assume that the alcoholic may be. He or she may be driving while intoxicated, may be intoxicated in public, or may be doing other things that the addiction leads them to do, which aren’t lawful. You need not ever lie for them, nor do you need to take responsibility for the choices that he or she makes.

8. Do not accept abuse of any sort. The fact is that there is a higher rate of abuse among addicts of all types of substances. They are not fully in control of their actions when they are under the influence, but they do make the choice to use the substance, so this is no excuse for abuse. There is never one and you must make very clear boundaries for what is not going to be acceptable in your life. —> Emotional and physical abusive is always a possibility and when he crossed over to the physical side that was the breaking point, always create a safe boundary, when its crossed there’s not returning.

9. Encourage the addict to get help, but do not feel that you are solely responsible for ensuring that you “fix” the alcoholic. Only he or she can make the ultimate choice to begin the ascent out of the addiction, but you can be one that encourages him or her to.

10. Assess yourself for the possible reasons that you are willing to accept an addict’s lifestyle into your heart. There are some people who seem to be magnetically drawn to addicts of all sorts. If you are one of these people, it is a good idea for you to really consider that there is a reason for that attraction. You may want to consider some sort of counseling or therapy for yourself in order to become a healthier and happier person, regardless of what your partner is doing. —> I had to look within myself and discover why I would allow ONE person into my life and allow them to invade my boundaries.

Protect yourself and your heart

Dear SDD,

I hope you receive all the help you need through this difficult journey. I love you, but I will always love me more.

Have you been in a relationship where you feel the connection is off but you can’t let them go. You fight. You feel lonely and leave. Then in a week you go right back. If your answer is Yes, well welcome to the club. If your answer is no, I only have a quote to express my feelings:

I don’t like

people who have never fallen or

stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and it

isn’t of much value. Life hasn’t revealed

it’s beauty to them.

Some relationships are incredibly pernicious. We often develop relationships out of convenience, without considering the traits necessary to build a successful bond with another person, important traits like unwavering support and shared trust and loving encouragement.

When a relationship is birthed out of convenience or proximity or chemistry alone, it is bound to fail. We need more than a person’s physical presence to maintain a meaningful connection, but we routinely keep people around because … well, simply because they’re already around.

It’s easy to develop a connection with someone who’s always there—even when they’re not adding any real value to our lives. And it’s even easier to stay in those relationships. That’s because old relationships are convenient, and starting new relationships is difficult—it requires work. But so does anything worth holding on to.

We’ve all held on to someone who didn’t deserve to be there in the first place. And most of us still have someone in our lives who continually drains us: Someone who does not add value. Someone who isn’t supportive. Someone who takes and takes and takes without giving back to the relationship. Someone who contributes very little and prevents us from growing. Someone who constantly plays the victim. His name in my life is SDD. He is so emotionally draining.

You see victims become victimizers. And these people are dangerous. They keep us from feeling fulfilled. They keep us from living meaningful lives. Over time, these negative relationships become part of our identity—they define us, they become who we are. We become co-dependent on the negative lifestyle.

We can stop the cycle and rid ourselves of negative relationships.

1. you can attempt to fix the relationship. .

Sit down with the person who’s draining the vitality from your life and explain to them what must change in order for your relationship to work. Explain that you need them to be more supportive, that you need them to participate in your growth, that they are important to you, but the relationship in its current state does not make you happy. Explain that you’re not attempting to change them as a person; you simply want to change how your relationship works..

2. End it altogether. This is incredibly difficult, but it applies to any relationship: family, friends, lovers, coworkers, acquaintances. If someone is doing nothing but draining your life, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them “This relationship is no longer right for me, so I must end it—I must move on.”

It’s OK to move on. You owe it to yourself to move on. You owe it to yourself to be happy with the relationships you have. You are in control.

Moving on is sometimes the only way to develop new, empowering relationships. Starting anew, empty-handed and full-hearted, you can build fresher, stronger, more supportive relationships—important relationships that allow you to have fun and be happy and contribute beyond yourself. These are the meaningful relationships we all need.