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Nota Bene

Our modern relationships have nothing to do anymore with the one our grandparents, or even our parents went through. Years of fights for equality have completely changed the relationships between men and women. Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst.
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There’s love if you want it…

In my newsroom, my male colleagues often speak in derogatory terms about one of our female collaborators, who is known to every of us as our office whore. She earned this unenviable reputation because she has tried to sleep with every single male in our office when she’s single. “The problem with her is that whenever a man shows her some attention, she starts to try to make everything possible to have him. And this is how she ends up with all sorts of losers, because the normal guys just don’t say yes to her advances” explained one of my colleagues, who experienced her maneuvers. “She’s not mean, I just have pity for her, she’s a bit lost inside herself” he added.

I really think she’s struggling with a problem of self-esteem, and that she tries to gain confidence with every man she seduces. If you could see her, you would understand. Just by the way she dresses, you can say she wants to be comforted. She’s the only one in our office who’s always wearing mini-skirts throughout the year, even if she’s close to her 43th birthday. She puts too much make up, she feels threatened by the young journalists in our newsroom.

I read recently an article in a magazine about how not to fall into depression, and the first step was to love yourself. The psychologist interviewed in the magazine explained that if you love yourself, you don’t try to seek for a savior in every man that streams in your life. You don’t wait passively for the one who will resolve your problems because only you can resolve your problems, love doesn’t solve anything. He called that the sleeping beauty syndrome.

It’s true. “Before I underwent a therapy, my love life was a real rollercoaster of feelings. I had a low self-esteem and really felt alive only when I was in a relationship. In the beginning, it was marvellous, but slowly I felt like a junkie. I projected in my partners everything I wanted them to be, and in the end, it always went like this: they become tired of me and the role I forced them to play, and left me. Before, I really believed that a relationship would bring me the happiness I didn’t have in my life, and the confidence I didn’t have. I was wrong”O., 36, said.

This is how you can pick the wrong guy, but also ruin your chances with the right one. “When I was younger, I used to pick systematically losers, junkies, rebels but I couldn’t explained why. They were the only ones that I attracted at that time, maybe they saw in me a poor little thing, they had pity, I don’t know. And it was always a catastrophe. I didn’t realise that throughout all this time, I had a friend who stood there just for me, and loved me. Once, he had the courage to tell me how he felt about me, and I just repelled him because I thought I wasn’t good enough for him. I still regret it today” J., 31, said.

So, do you believe that before loving someone, you need to love yourself?