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Pro-Russian Ukranians hold ‘unofficial’ Eurovision vote

Russian twins The Tolmachevy Sisters have won a landslide victory in the Eurovision Song Contest according to an unofficial poll which took place in areas held by Pro-Russian demonstrators in Eastern Ukraine.

Voting slips featured a photo of The Tolmachevy Sisters accompanied by the Russian flag, while ‘everyone else’ was represented by a photo of dead WW2 Russians accompanied by a Swastika. After votes were counted, the Russian singing duo were duly declared winners with an impressive 108% of the popular vote.

Although Russia had initially disowned the poll, a Kremlin spokesperson said ‘The vote was free and fair and we fully expect arrangements to be made, by Cossacks, for the next Eurovision to be held in Moscow.’

Outside Ukraine, official voting crowned Austrian diva Conchita Wurst winner with her song ‘Rise like a Phoenix’, though there were accusations of nepotism as it emerged that countries with large populations of bearded women had all voted for each other.