Which Kyle Schwarber at-bats was Joe Maddon watching last year?

I believe Joe Maddon knows what game he’s watching. But did Maddon know which Kyle Schwarber at-bats he was watching last year?

The Cubs manager said recently he would consider using Schwarber at leadoff again if Schwarber takes his walks, but here’s the thing:

In the first 38 games last season when he batted leadoff all but three times, Schwarber walked 24 times in 174 plate appearances (14 percent), but the rest of the season after the experiment was ditched, he walked only 35 times in 312 plate appearances (11 percent).

So, if Maddon’s looking for Schwarber to walk, he ought to bat him leadoff.

Despite reported interest from both the Cubs and White Sox, among others, the Orioles are threatening to take All-Star infielder Manny Machado off the market. As they continue to flail at creating leverage and worthwhile options, the Orioles’ next move is to hold their breath until they turn blue.

Ryan Pace’s plan — wait, Ryan Pace had a plan? — had to be failing to acquire quarterback Jimmy Garappolo after dumping kicker Robbie Gould while making the Bears worse at each of those positions so the 49ers could beat the Bears and pass them in the standings to improve the Bears’ draft position. Had to be his plan, right? Because otherwise it looks like Pace is making important decisions based on advice from a Magic 8 Ball.

If Gould can get cut for performance-based reasons, then why does John Fox still have a job?

The aformentioned Pace, same question.

Ted Phillips, same question.

George McCaskey, same question.

I’ll hang up and listen for the McOwners to continue tolerating failure.

The Green Bay Packers: Missed the playoffs for the first time in the last nine years.

The McCaskey Bears: Made the playoffs once in the last 11 years.

The Jacksonville Jaguars: Qualified for their seventh postseason berth since the franchise was founded 23 years ago.

The McCaskey Bears: Four playoff appearances since the Jaguars franchise was founded 23 years ago.

Which of Tarik Cohen’s one rushing yard against the Lions was your favorite?

Standing headline: Pernell McPhee too injured to play.

Lions defensive back Darius Slay, who had two interceptions Saturday, said Mitch Trubisky locks on to his targets. That’s actually a compliment because an opponent thinks Trubisky has targets, plural.

Jeff Fisher Poll:

No

Kill me now.

Torches and pitchforks

Kurt Warner tweet: “Walking in on son doing homework - saw an article on #TomBrady on computer: Me: What you doing a project on Tom Brady? Him: No, writing a paper on “Best QB of All-Time”!!!! #IGetIt #ButShotToTheHeart #InMyOwnHome’’

Cristiano Felicio, your plane is boarding.

Ditto whoever guaranteed Felicio $32 million.

Thursday marked the start of early signing, which is that wonderful period during which high school football players can agree to be betrayed by money-grubbing college coaches while also becoming fodder for the evil cabal of universities that sit on billions and pay everyone except those doing the brain-damaging heavy lifting.

A former Pentagon official who led a recently revealed government program to research potential UFOs said this week he believes there is evidence of alien life reaching Earth. Yes, and can they come back to return Fox to his home planet?