My Sit Down With Mayim Bialik On “Girling Up” & Its Jewish Values

December 26, 2017

Mayim Bialik and I have shared a special friendship and study partnership over the last many years and have collaborated on severalprojects at JITC, but it was super fun to sit down with her recently (28 min video interview below) to discuss something amazing she created – her new book “Girling Up” (which spent five and a half weeks on the New York Times Bestseller list!) and the Jewish values it contains. As the creator of one site (GrokNation), the mother of two boys, the author of three books and the recipient of four Emmy nominations (who got a PhD in Neuroscience in the middle of all that!) Mayim hardly needs an introduction – especially since half of you only heard of JITC because of her!

Mayim explained that she wrote “Girling Up” because there wasn’t such a book when she made the transition from being a girl to being a woman and she wanted to convey that it is a process. The stages that we go through as females can take may years: hormonally, physiologically, psychologically. The companion book, “Boying Up” will be out this spring. She explained that both books are about understanding the biology behind the behavior and making choices that make sense for you and your family as you become an adult.

While “Girling Up” was written for a general audience, Mayim included many traditional Jewish perspectives in it. It was born out of an article she wrote for GrokNation about being a late bloomer and then playing one on TV which caught the attention of Jill Santopolo, who became the editor of the book. The framework of the book was how to present an alternative perspective that’s also legitimate. Not everyone is doing what we see what a lot of teens do in movies. Mayim wanted to offer a way of approaching dating and sexuality that more closely reflected what she went through and show “traditional” dating in a better light for modern audiences. She worked hard to not be judgmental but also reflect what she experienced.

Mayim lamented that a lot of basic information is missing for girls and women about their control over their own bodies and their rights as women. “Don’t just assume that everybody’s doing it and we should too,” she explains. While the media may present one message, Mayim wants girls to be empowered to hear another. “If you’re not comfortable wearing something that’s really revealing, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.” As a fan of Wendy Shalit’s “A Return to Modesty,” Bialik asserts that modesty is having more of a moment. “It’s not a religious idea to not show parts of you that don’t make you feel comfortable. There are more and more girls who are now speaking up and asking for more clothing options.”

Shomer Enayim, guarding the eyes, is another Torah concept that Mayim puts forth in the book. However she presents the neuroscience behind it, legitimizing it from a scientific perspective. She also tackles the tough subject of coping with life when things get rough, revealing her own struggles with anxiety and how prayer helps get her through them. It goes beyond the fact that it helps lower your blood pressure. “For thousands of years, people have gathered together for lifecycle events…and also to get through difficult things. It gives me chills now, as I’ve seen this in other religious as well…at funerals and other challenging times.” When someone dies, as Mayim’s father did a few years ago, “we are encouraged to pray with a group of people. We are encouraged to commemorate things by forcing ourselves to be around people, because it is important. Scientifically we know that the coping and healing does happen well when people are in groups.” Prayer serves a purpose for health prognoses as well. “A lot of people’s health and psychology would really benefit from understanding this.”

Overall, the book also is a reflection of Mayim’s spiritual journey. She explains, “There was no other way in my life to actually experience the desire, the motivation and the skills to make the world a better on a daily basis. I have a purpose in life now. I have a God that never makes me feel alone. There are a lot of times in my life when feel really, really alone which I think people would be suprsied to hear, but I always feel that I will never be dropped on my tush and I never had that safety before.” When people ask Mayim how she does so many things she explains that because she is empowered with a purpose in life she wakes up with the heart of a lion to serve the Universe as best as she can. “That’s my truth,” she concludes, “and I’m so grateful to be living it.”

Comments

Want more great content like this delivered to your inbox? Sign up for our weekly newsletter here:

Share

160

160

Shares

Comments

What a treat! Big Mayim fan here, also big Allison fan. (Allison, I saw the online version of that radio appearance you did, and I thought your response about why women are expected to expose everything was the best I’ve ever heard to that question.) Will definitely be sharing the link because I have friends who work with teenaged and college-age young women, and this is so watchable. Hoping it provokes a lot of thinking and discussion, yasher koach to you both.

JITC in the News

Lives We’ve Changed

I’m a Christian… I love JITC because it helps me to learn more about a culture I know basically nothing about. I’m a college student and, in part because of the curiosity about other faiths that your work instilled in me, I’m a religious studies minor. I want you to know that you are making a difference not only in the lives of Jews, but in the lives of gentiles as well.

Grace K.

I have to tell you something about your video about headcovering–my husband and I had decided that we wanted to move towards more observance, but hadn’t really taken any big steps. And then I saw your video and it made such perfect sense; I started covering my hair full-time, and that one mitzvah has snowballed to tzniut, Shabbat, taharat hamishpacha, having a kosher kitchen. And it all started with your video…

Michelle

Whew! You have really opened my eyes to a lot. I am actually going to start studying with my local rebbetzin. Much of that has to do with you.

Barri

Your blog has such value. You are a huge positive influence for me becoming observant. You make it accessible.

Hannah

I really enjoy watching your videos. I’m Christian (not really religious though) and I live in Switzerland where most of the Jews are ultra-orthodox so they appear a little odd to Christians at first sight… But watching your blog brought me a whole different perspective. Most of the Mizwas that appeared pretty silly to me made actually a lot of sense after your explanation… Thanks for opening up my mind! Keep up with the good work!

P.S.

I love Jew In The City!!! I’m a senior college student with a secular family and a very religious sister. I’ve been sending JITC episodes to my dad and aunt to help them better understand my sister’s Jewish decision. Thanks for tackling things that can be really tough to explain!

Mary

I am so happy I found JITC… It has sincerely strengthened the relationship between me and my mother. I have recently become observant. Its been difficult to explain to my parents why I love Judaism & why I choose to follow certain laws now, however, JITC has been a great medium of explaining the Jewish faith that we never truly understood. JITC, you’re doing a great mitzvah!

Will

I love your blog and hope to see more of it. I saw your first episode on modesty and hair covering before I got married. You made it acceptable for me to become frum and I am now happily married with 2 beautiful kids. I cover my hair all the time, something I never thought I would do. Thanks so much for your blog and explaining orthodox life in everyday language.

Chava J.

I love your site. You have deeply affected my life and helped me become more observant. Thank you so much. I can’t wait until your next episode!

Jaclyn S.

I am from a different world, a different religion, and when I say different, I mean it… I am an Arab, a Muslim who totally respects you and admires you and I mean it with all my heart. You are in a quest to break down stereotypes… and no matter how each of our backgrounds fear the other and view each other as the bad people, I am here to tell you, you have made me understand more and respect more.