Don’t Trust It – New Rule

It’s 2018 ya’ll and there are just some things you shouldn’t trust. What specifically am I talking about? Women and men that don’t have friends. It’s time for the truth…You can’t trust men or women that don’t have friends.

Why would you date someone that has no one in their life that loves and holds them accountable for their behaviors? Friendships are a must with anyone over the age of 10. There is no way you can meet a man or a woman and they don’t have friends and you be cool with it. That is creepy as hell.

Friends hold you accountable. They know all your secrets and love you in spite of your faults. They trust you and you trust them. It’s a bond not solidified by blood, but more important because they don’t have to be there for you.

I swear close friends are mind readers. Do you know how often I’ve called my closest friends just to talk when in actuality something was on my mind? They instantly knew it. They heard it in my voice. They reminded me that they knew me better than that and even though I may not want to talk about it now, they would be there for me. They would have my back. They would be there when I felt ready to let them in.

Man, I don’t know where I would be without my friends. When I’m wrong. They are there. When I’m right they are there. When I’m just barely holding on by a thread and my mind is trying to break, they reach in and grab hold and love me through my pain.

How can someone not have that in their lives? What have you done to make people not want to invest time and effort into you? I’m not saying you need to have a lot of friends, but you need to have one. One person that is not related to you that can speak of your character.

Think about this…many people who apply for government jobs and have to do clearance have to list character references. Let’s not forget about friends/family members who are going through custody cases. Who can speak to you? Who can reference your character and talk about who you are as a person?

You don’t have anyone? Then figure out what the issue is and get to making friends. It’s 2018, there is no excuse to not have friends. If you don’t, how can we trust you?

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Published by Tikeetha T

A mother to a beautiful boy and a businesswoman. I am divorced and dating and I talk about everything from parenting,co-parenting, relationships, dating and social issues. Follow my blog at https://athomaspointofview.com/
View all posts by Tikeetha T

42 comments

Speaking as a matter of trust that is one issue entirely, but for some there’s the struggle of loneliness and being shy or lacking in confidence that must be taken into account. As well as those who may be new to a certain city, lost prior friends due to treachery. There’s too many aspects to say that trust and being untrustworthy is why people may not have friends. Don’t get me wrong, my own wickedness serves as the strength for my own preservation – so in that respect I do understand the importance of trust. But as I said prior, we must take pity on those undergoing anguish and loneliness, as these are things we do not ask for.

So, you have no friends from childhood? High school? College or grad school? We go through many different stages in life and with social media there is no reason to not be able to keep in touch or nurture relationships. If you just moved to a new area you may not have no friends but what’s your excuse if you’ve been there for 5 years? I am firm believer that the problem is you when you have no one that wants to be friends with you. Do you make yourself open? Do you allow people to get to know you? It’s just like being in a relationship, if you don’t trust then how can someone get to know you. Realistically speaking if you are over the age of 21 and you have not one friend you can’t trust it.

Me, personally, yeh plenty of friends, different walks of life and so on, some come some go, but sometimes… for others…some people just go through things in life. And by nature some are lonely. That’s what makes us all different. For instance, depression, losing loved ones, experiencing something so critical that it may send you in seclusion – turning you lonely. I mean, that’s just how life goes for some. Doesn’t mean they can’t be trusted. Then again, you have some that travel so often maybe due to work or interests that it may not allow them such a grand thing in life, or they may simply choose not to hold permanent friends because they know it may not last because of their lifestyles. For some that may make them happy. I think people are people and whether or not they have many or any friends, it doesn’t mean they’re not to be trusted. I’ve met so many people from different walks of life an whether they go or stay I find that it’s the ones that you perceive to be the closest to you that in many cases cannot be trusted. But referencing what I said before – everyone is different and I can’t apply that to every person.

Interesting perspective and I understand. But, if you are grown 25 and over and you have not one person in a day and age where social media keeps people connected that’s highly unlikely that people don’t have one person. You can have friends even if you’re busy because you can communicate via email, FaceTime, etc. I can honestly say at 43 I’ve lost friends but I’ve gained friends. If you died today, who would eulogize your funeral if you’ve shut yourself off?

As unlikely as it can be it is reality for some. Different parts of the world, different people, different upbringings, different experiences. In the hip western world where everyone has phones etc. what you say applies but for some, having no friends whether by choice or not is what some go through. Surely, we’ve all heard someone say they don’t have any friends. And truth be told, in this day and age, where friendship for a great deal of people is literally social sharing apps and messaging through text, and liking this and xoxo that that – without actual interactivity I question what friendship actually is. Because it seems more and more that friends arent friends, but followers.

True, maybe for those that are younger. I am in my 40’s and as much as I love social media, I have friends from childhood and high school and college that I still keep in touch with. We get together for dinners and drinks and hanging out with our children. We text, email and call each other. I’m all about turning off social media and focusing on the things in front of you. People, food, friends and family.

Some people simply just don’t have anyone. I mean I know a lot of people and feel like I have no one, with the exception of my mom, when I need something (which is rarely). I can get along with anyone but when it comes to having true friends, I just don’t. A lot of people I cut out of my life because they handed me the scissors. I choose not to be around people that have no goals, no motivation and are all about drama/negativity. I’m just at the age in my life where I am very selective about who is around me. I have tons of people that could speak about my character but would I call them a “friend” no.

I can totally understand that. How are you choosing friends? Are your friends a transition from work to friend, school to friend or people you meet at the gym? What attracts you to new people? Are you open? Do people gravitate towards you?

My husband and I are finding ourselves between community right now. The friends we had when we got married have shifted, moved, changed as people etc. I ageee it’s a healthy sign when people can maintain relationships. At the moment we’re realizing it’s not always easy to find people who align with your values. Tough world for us deep thinking introverts 😉 My baby sister in the other hand is a social butterfly in a big friend garden, haha.

No abandonment here. Haha. My husband made some changes to how he spends his free time so that was part of it. Then going from single to married, friends who had kids and wanted other moms and dads to relate to; we’re children by choice. That kind of stuff. I have a handful of long term friends but they live out of state. I sure like fellow writers here in the blogsphere though 🙂

And we like you too. But, would you say you still have friends? I’m not saying people that you see or talk to frequently but people that you know and love and will call and talk to periodically and then it’s like you catch up and you never missed a beat?

Aside from, just moved to town, I’ve found this to be true. At least make sure that people are open to making friends and run don’t walk if anyone says, “You’re the only one that really cares/loves/understands me.” That is a set up!

I don’t know what would happen.. it’s important to have your own life/interests/hobbies outside of a relationship, and depending on your partner as your sole source to the outside world could get dangerous. This would bother me, if a man I’m seeing had no joys outside of us. I just know it’s not in everyone’s cards to have that one+ true friend that’s not blood.
And someone outside of family could vouch for character, but that doesn’t necessarily have to be a friend.

Interesting. I guess I see it differently because when my girlfriend had to go through her background we weren’t that close, but the investigator asks questions about her character, how long we’ve known each other, has she ever borrowed money and so forth. It was tough.

I don’t know what I would do without my best friends. I have five females in my inner circle. The men that some of them married are simply amazing a loving humans. They were there for me in my darkest hours and now they will stand with me at my wedding.

I agree… friends is a relative term that can be associated with “family.” Why do I say that? Because I didn’t grow up with my family and a lot of the closest people to me are my friends. However, this can be reversed for some. It really depends. I was once in a relationship with a woman whose friends I never met. I was like…why don’t you ever hang out with your friends? She said, they live in different states. I said, well, you’ve been here for 5+ years, haven’t you met anyone? See… she just wasn’t a people person. I am. That was part of the problem in our relationship. She tried to keep me hidden instead of letting me flourish. In other words, she wanted me to be just like her. No bueno. No thanks.

Men not nourishing or respecting friendships and male loneliness are huge issues in the West. There are constantly media articles about this crisis in male mental health. Women hold friendships closer and more dearly, in general, and consequently reap the benefits. I have known many men in my life (and still do) who have no real friends, and I also know a few women who only have superficial ‘acquaintance’ friends. I find it sad and lonely, but that is the reality of many people’s lives.

Yep, I’ve met men with friends and I don’t date them. Men with no friends don’t understand I’m socially active and I have people and things I want to do outside of the relationship. I need a man to have at least one good friend and not that they have to hang out all the time, but someone who can check his negative behaviors.

haha. sometimes friends can be terminated by the evil one in your life. even potential friends. i look back to a person i called ‘ nice’ … he died in a house fire less than a week later. this is my life. …. i tell people.. do not be nice to me, do not be helpful to me, or your life will be shortened. this is my life….

Yes , someone i do NOT want to be in relationship with..telling many lies and terrorizing my family until there is nothing left. We are awash in a sea of constant pain with no hope of escape. Thanks for caring.

yes, someone years ago i WAS in relationship with… maliciously destroys my life person by person by person. why can’t someone ever just drop it and leave me and mine alone? i am Tired of being a victim. i wanted a normal life, but it is too late now. Too much has been taken. i will never be real again.

Why do you believe that you can never be real again? I’ve been hurt beyond belief and I’m still standing. Broken but healed by the grace of God. You are able to rebuild and find love in you and around you if you are willing to let go of the pain.