Friday, September 26, 2014

I love the color red so much, that I had a red wall in my kitchen in Charlotte and I will yet have another red wall if I ever have another house. I love this color because it is bright and cheerful, almost like yellow! Maybe the reason why I love Target, TJ Maxx and Talbots so much is because they have the color Red in their logo (When I got off the island, it felt really good today to see a Target and TJ Maxx and know they still exist). What I love the most about red today are the many red leaves on the tress that I passed on my drive this morning from Cape Cod to Providence. Fall was definitely in the leaves this morning. It was absolutely a beautiful sight. I wish I could have video recorded or at least taken a few pictures as I drove down the freeway. I think I was just about getting ready to enjoy Fall, but I'm now on my way back to Summer. I admit, I'm a little blue about this for a few reason. I should be excited to be retuning to Phoenix, because of how I left things 4 months ago. However, over the past 7 weeks, things have changed. Yesterday I had full intentions of Mr. J picking me up from the airport (and he planned on doing so), but last night I changed my mind. I'm not ready to see him. I don't know when I will be. For now I'm ok with my decision and am going to move forth with a smile on my face and a book in my hand!

Yes, I was posing in front of the red wall, not because I do this every day, but because I had to send in a picture of myself for the job I didn't keep. Gosh I miss that hair.

I truly have had one of the most incredible Summers of my life here on Martha's Vineyard. I'm going to miss so many wonderful things about this little island...
1. I have made some amazing friends here including my friend Melanie. We had a wonderful dinner last night. It was so fun to sit and talk with her. She is always full of good advice. I really am going to miss her.
2. I love hearing the sound of the horn from the ferry letting us town-folk know of its arrival several times a day.
3. I have so much enjoyed everything about my job here in the ER. The staff have been absolutely magnificent, friendly, helpful and so much fun to work with. What I have done here is true ER medicine, which I love! There is a sense of accomplishment when you can stitch someone's laceration and send them out the doors better than when they walked in. I was walking into work yesterday and thinking of how I felt so much at home here; maybe I'll make this my permanent Summer home...
4. Nantucket Lemonade is cheaper here than any other place in the country and more delicious than any other lemonade...3 bottles for 4 dollars at our local stop and shop. I love this stuff. Lemonade to me screams Summer!

5. I have loved my YMCA and my morning workouts! The money I paid for 3 months was worth it, definitely more than I pay in a year for the gym off island, but again worth it! I'm not a fan however of running into Dr. Z there in the mornings when I have no makeup on. I'm actually surprised that he recognizes me without my face on. I have always been a fan of cycle and group power/body pump. I will miss not having the later class in Phoenix, but I've done it enough through the years that I can do it on my own.
6. Have you ever heard of a hermit? It's a delicious, soft molasis cookie with rasins, which I get at Scottishbake house. So yummy! And my friend Anthony brought me two today!
7. I'm really going to miss jogging by the ocean. There is just nothing like it. Tomorrow I'll be back to jogging down to the park with brown grass and concrete.

8. It has been healing physically and emotionally after all I have gone through over the past year, to be here, by myself and to have so much time to relax and think. Sometimes a girl just needs to be alone. There is something to be said about letting a few dishes pile up in the sink, my shoes left throughout the house and to be able to run around in my underwear if I desire!
9. Of course my library here! I'm sure going to miss our times together.
10. I think what I'm going to miss more than anything is being able to drive a mile or so to the beach where I can let go of my stress and relax while the sun beats down on me and the waves roll in!
11. This is what fall looks like here today...and I drive by this awesome ski gate daily.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

I love this video and the talk by Elder Holland. Before my last year at BSU I spent a year in Utah, where Tenielle and I lived in this scary apartment complex. But oh, the memories. I still have dreams of that scary place. When we lived there we had 2 of the most wonderful visiting teachers. One day they brought us each a copy of this quote from this talk which was written on a piece of cardboard like paper. "Cling to your faith. Hold on to your hope. Pray always, and be believing. He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed."Both of us kept this on our fridge for years (in fact I think Tenielle still has it on her fridge). I'd still have it on my fridge if I had one to put it on. There are so many times over the past 13 years or so that this quote has brought me peace and reassurance that Heavenly Father loves me and that He cries tears when he see's me hurting.

Mom actually got me a framed copy of the following quote for Christmas a few years ago..."Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come." I'm reassured every time I read this quote that all of the blessings and desires of my heart will come eventually; in the Lord's timing and in His way.

This talk has given me much hope over the last month; hope that I feel is lacking and faith that I feel is slim. There are so many times in my life where I've felt the same way I have felt over the past month. I look back and see that I've made it past the hills. But it is funny how when you are climbing up the hill you can't seem to see over the other side. I'm still clutching to my belief that Heavenly Father still see's the bigger picture with me in it and know's the good things that are to come.

I hope Elder Hollands words give you peace and comfort if you are struggling...

On those days when we have special need of heaven’s help, we would do well to remember one of the titles given to the Savior in the epistle to the Hebrews. Speaking of Jesus’”more excellent ministry” and why He is “the mediator of a better covenant” filled with “better promises,” this author—presumably the Apostle Paul—tells us that through His mediation and Atonement, Christ became “an high priest of good things to come.”1

Every one of us has times when we need to know things will get better. Moroni spoke of it in the Book of Mormon as “hope for a better world.”2For emotional health and spiritual stamina, everyone needs to be able to look forward to some respite, to something pleasant and renewing and hopeful, whether that blessing be near at hand or still some distance ahead. It is enough just to know we can get there, that however measured or far away, there is the promise of “good things to come.”

My declaration is that this is precisely what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us, especially in times of need. There is help. There is happiness. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. It is the Light of the World, the Bright and Morning Star, the “light that is endless, that can never be darkened.”3It is the very Son of God Himself. In loving praise far beyond Romeo’s reach, we say, “What light through yonder window breaks?” It is the return of hope, and Jesus is the Sun.4To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you. Things will improve. Christ comes to you in His “more excellent ministry” with a future of “better promises.” He is your “high priest of good things to come.”

I think of newly called missionaries leaving family and friends to face, on occasion, some rejection and some discouragement and, at least in the beginning, a moment or two of homesickness and perhaps a little fear.

I think of young mothers and fathers who are faithfully having their families while still in school—or just newly out—trying to make ends meet even as they hope for a brighter financial future someday. At the same time, I think of other parents who would give any earthly possession they own to have a wayward child return.

I think of single parents who face all of this but face it alone, having confronted death or divorce, alienation or abandonment, or some other misfortune they had not foreseen in happier days and certainly had not wanted.

I think of those who want to be married and aren’t, those who desire to have children and cannot, those who have acquaintances but very few friends, those who are grieving over the death of a loved one or are themselves ill with disease. I think of those who suffer from sin—their own or someone else’s—who need to know there is a way back and that happiness can be restored. I think of the disconsolate and downtrodden who feel life has passed them by, or now wish that it would pass them by. To all of these and so many more, I say: Cling to your faith. Hold on to your hope. “Pray always, and be believing.”5Indeed, as Paul wrote of Abraham, he “against [all] hope believed in hope” and “staggered not … through unbelief.” He was “strong in faith” and was “fully persuaded that, what [God] had promised, he was able … to perform.”6

Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed.

In spite of this counsel, I know some of you do truly feel at sea, in the most frightening sense of that term. Out in troubled waters, you may even now be crying with the poet:

No, it is not without a recognition of life’s tempests but fully and directly because of them that I testify of God’s love and the Savior’s power to calm the storm. Always remember in that biblical story that He was out there on the water also, that He faced the worst of it right along with the newest and youngest and most fearful. Only one who has fought against those ominous waves is justified in telling us—as well as the sea—to “be still.”8Only one who has taken the full brunt of such adversity could ever be justified in telling us in such times to “be of good cheer.”9Such counsel is not a jaunty pep talk about the power of positive thinking, though positive thinking is much needed in the world. No, Christ knows better than all others that the trials of life can be very deep and we are not shallow people if we struggle with them. But even as the Lord avoids sugary rhetoric, He rebukes faithlessness and He deplores pessimism. He expects us to believe!

No one’s eyes were more penetrating than His, and much of what He saw pierced His heart. Surely His ears heard every cry of distress, every sound of want and despair. To a degree far more than we will ever understand, He was “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.”10Indeed, to the layman in the streets of Judea, Christ’s career must have seemed a failure, a tragedy, a good man totally overwhelmed by the evils surrounding Him and the misdeeds of others. He was misunderstood or misrepresented, even hated from the beginning. No matter what He said or did, His statements were twisted, His actions suspected, His motives impugned. In the entire history of the world no one has ever loved so purely or served so selflessly—and been treated so diabolically for His effort. Yet nothing could break His faith in His Father’s plan or His Father’s promises. Even in those darkest hours at Gethsemane and Calvary, He pressed on, continuing to trust in the very God whom He momentarily feared had forsaken Him.

Because Christ’s eyes were unfailingly fixed on the future, He could endure all that was required of Him, suffer as no man can suffer except it be “unto death,”11as King Benjamin said, look upon the wreckage of individual lives and the promises of ancient Israel lying in ruins around Him and still say then and now, “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”12How could He do this? How could He believe it? Because He knows that for the faithful, things will be made right soon enough. He is a King; He speaks for the crown; He knows what can be promised. He knows that “the Lord … will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. … For the needy shall not alway[s] be forgotten: the expectation of the poor shall not perish for ever.”13He knows that “the Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” He knows that “the Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants: and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate.”14

Forgive me for a personal conclusion, which does not represent the terrible burdens so many of you carry but it is meant to be encouraging. Thirty years ago last month, a little family set out to cross the United States to attend graduate school—no money, an old car, every earthly possession they owned packed into less than half the space of the smallest U-Haul trailer available. Bidding their apprehensive parents farewell, they drove exactly 34 miles up the highway, at which point their beleaguered car erupted.

Pulling off the freeway onto a frontage road, the young father surveyed the steam, matched it with his own, then left his trusting wife and two innocent children—the youngest just three months old—to wait in the car while he walked the three miles or so to the southern Utah metropolis of Kanarraville, population then, I suppose, 65. Some water was secured at the edge of town, and a very kind citizen offered a drive back to the stranded family. The car was attended to and slowly—very slowly—driven back to St. George for inspection—U-Haul trailer and all.

After more than two hours of checking and rechecking, no immediate problem could be detected, so once again the journey was begun. In exactly the same amount of elapsed time at exactly the same location on that highway with exactly the same pyrotechnics from under the hood, the car exploded again. It could not have been 15 feet from the earlier collapse, probably not 5 feet from it! Obviously the most precise laws of automotive physics were at work.

Now feeling more foolish than angry, the chagrined young father once more left his trusting loved ones and started the long walk for help once again. This time the man providing the water said, “Either you or that fellow who looks just like you ought to get a new radiator for that car.” For the second time a kind neighbor offered a lift back to the same automobile and its anxious little occupants. He didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry at the plight of this young family.

“How far have you come?” he said. “Thirty-four miles,” I answered. “How much farther do you have to go?” “Twenty-six hundred miles,” I said. “Well, you might make that trip, and your wife and those two little kiddies might make that trip, but none of you are going to make it in that car.” He proved to be prophetic on all counts.

Just two weeks ago this weekend, I drove by that exact spot where the freeway turnoff leads to a frontage road, just three miles or so west of Kanarraville, Utah. That same beautiful and loyal wife, my dearest friend and greatest supporter for all these years, was curled up asleep in the seat beside me. The two children in the story, and the little brother who later joined them, have long since grown up and served missions, married perfectly, and are now raising children of their own. The automobile we were driving this time was modest but very pleasant and very safe. In fact, except for me and my lovely Pat situated so peacefully at my side, nothing of that moment two weeks ago was even remotely like the distressing circumstances of three decades earlier.

Yet in my mind’s eye, for just an instant, I thought perhaps I saw on that side road an old car with a devoted young wife and two little children making the best of a bad situation there. Just ahead of them I imagined that I saw a young fellow walking toward Kanarraville, with plenty of distance still ahead of him. His shoulders seemed to be slumping a little, the weight of a young father’s fear evident in his pace. In the scriptural phrase his hands did seem to “hang down.”15In that imaginary instant, I couldn’t help calling out to him: “Don’t give up, boy. Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it—30 years of it now, and still counting. You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.”

I testify that God lives, that He is our Eternal Father, that He loves each of us with a love divine. I testify that Jesus Christ is His Only Begotten Son in the flesh and, having triumphed in this world, is an heir of eternity, a joint-heir with God, and now stands on the right hand of His Father. I testify that this is Their true Church and that They sustain us in our hour of need—and always will, even if we cannot recognize that intervention. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.Of that I personally attest. I thank my Father in Heaven for His goodness past, present, and future, and I do so in the name of His Beloved Son and most generous high priest, even the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

Last week I took a fish hook out of a patients thumb. That day he was telling me how they caught 30 fish all in one day. I found out later that he actually caught the fish and hooked When I was finished he invited me to go fishing with him. Yesterday was one of the most incredible days. I was fearful that it was going to be cold out on the water, but I dressed in layers and after an hour or it warmed up and was a beautiful day. This is my most favorite place on the island, but seeing it from the ocean brought a different beauty to me. It was so relaxing to be on the ocean, even if I got a little wet. The fishing was so fun and I think I did pretty good.

We had a great dinner, which was made by the 4 guys that I went fishing with. They were all married with kids, but I had a great time and ate some amazingly delicious fish. All in all we had 4 or 5 different fish. My favorite was the bonito which we ate raw, as in sushi. I wasn't going to try it, but it was so delicious and I had several pieces!

Friday, September 19, 2014

1. Fall has officially arrived on MVY. The leaves have been trying to change since the end of August, but Fall temperatures arrived here early this week. It is perfect here and I'm still loving it at least for 1 last week.
2. Saturday our branch had a rib cook-off. Given that the ED is relaxed here these days I worked half of a shift, went to the rib cook-off which was absolutely delicious and then went back to work.
3. It was awesome Saturday to watch BSU on their home turf from my TV in the ED at MVY. I love watching BSU and even more-so when they win!
4. Monday my friend Melanie, the sister missionaries and I went on an awesome hike down to the cliffs. It was so fun and the weather was beautiful! We had a picnic on the beach and enjoyed the warm sun and the soft sand. The pictures show a little of the amazing beauty that we were able to enjoy.

5. I worked Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 12 hours shifts. Tuesday and Wednesday weren't bad, but yesterday was super busy. I took out a fish hook from a patients finger. Tomorrow he is taking me out on his boat to fish. I'm so excited!
6. Today was a beautiful fall day! After my last spinning class here I did some shopping, went to Chilmark Store for pizza and to Chilmark Chocolates. I also went to a different library on the island that had the most beautiful exhibit of pictures through out the entire library. You can find them here vineyardcolors
7. I had a lovely conversation at the Chilmark General Store swinging away on the chairs on the porch with Grandma Betty this morning. Grandpa Randy isn't doing very well. Hospice will likely be in the works in the coming weeks. We have been so fortunate to have them live directly across the street from us our entire lives.
8. I did some shopping today and found some great sales. I'm not sure how I'm going to get everything back to Phoenix, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. This time next week I'll be back to Summer. I'm excited to see my friends there, Mr. J and his little A's.
9. This week my dear friend Kaycee and my sister Tenielle had birthday's. I'm so grateful for both of these incredible women in my life. They are both so talented, fun to chat with and are the best friends a girl could ask for.

Monday, September 15, 2014

~My hair is wicked curly, especially in the back. Sometimes I feel like I have a mullet and other times I feel like my hair looks like a clowns; if it had different colors that is. Really it is fun having a different hair style, but I'd sometimes really like to straighten it. However, every time I try, it just looks like a bouffant style.
~You can tell the Summer is over because all of the Summer nurses have left. It feels so empty in the ED and on the island. Yesterday was my favorite nurse Gabbys last day. I have really enjoyed working with her and think of her as a great friend. Anthony the other PA, is here year round. He has been fun to work with this Summer. Angela and Judy were awesome nurse assistants. They have been missed the last few weeks when they went back to nursing school.

~I'm pretty much eating whatever I have left in my cupboards, fridge and freezer. Lots of weird combinations. Tonight: sweet potato, black beans, chicken on top of lime tortilla chips. Can I tell you how excited I am to be back on the mainland where I can get produce for cheap and to make fish tacos and borscht and everything pumpkin!
~I have already bought my plane ticket to go home for Thanksgiving! The holidays are just around the corner! The other day I asked Gabby is she knew what my favorite holiday was. She was right on; Halloween because I love candy! We have a candy drawer in the ER. I'm always amazed at how quickly the candy goes once it is filled.
~I bought a new skirt last week that I'm so in love with. It is the Downeast Ponte Pencil Skirt. If you have a Downeast nearby or a store that carries Downeast, like I have, run out and buy you one; or buy it on line item #C21-A1. I bought it in cream, because that is all they had, but I'm seriously going to buy another one, thinking I want the red, which actually looks more like coral or pink online. I love how comfortable, stylish and modest this skirt is.
~I also bought a new pair of sandals. They were 50% off and are my favorite brand Dansko! These are so comfortable. My sister Tenielle Dansko sandals all summer.
~Mr. J informed me this week that my Talbots package arrived in the mail! Can you tell that I've had a little island fever and the need for a new wardrobe?
~I'm so going to miss my library. I have a stack of books here that I'm trying to get through before I have to return them. I have a new favorite Author Linda Fairstein that I've discovered this summer. She has written several mystery books. Warning she does say a few choice words here and there, but I love a good mystery. I just finished A Year Of Pleasure by Elizabeth Berg. Alisha also read it while she was here. I really liked the book, it wasn't too long and kept my interest.
~Have you seen the previews for Alexander And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? It looks so funny and I hope that in October when I'm home that my nieces and nephews will want to go see it with me. I'm pretty sure they will be laughing through the entire movie. I love Jennifer Garner and Steve Corral and together I'm sure they will make a fabulous movie.
~I saw 2 skunks on my way home from work last night, one was crossing the street and the other was in my driveway when I pulled in. Did you know there are more skunks in MA than anywhere else?
~It's beginning to look and feel a lot like Fall here on MVY, even though today it was super warm out at the beach.
~I can't get enough of Crystal light and hospital ice. I'm sure Gabby is going to be happy not to hear me chomping on ice all day.
~Mr. J got me addicted to The Blacklist. It starts back next Monday! I can't wait. I'm not really a TV person, but this is a great show!
~I was so impressed with the new Miss. America's modest, beautiful white dress last night. And hooray that Miss. Idaho got into the top 15.
~I might be going to Hawaii for 6 months at the beginning of 2015....decisions, decisions...

Friday, September 12, 2014

Last week my cousin Alisha came to MVY for a visit. I picked her up at the ferry Wednesday late afternoon. It was her birthday so of course we had to go for a birthday dinner! We had dinner at Grill on Main, which was really yummy! They were so nice and even brought her a birthday dessert.

Thursday we walked to the library and then met my friend Melanie at the beach, where we chatted for a good 3 hours. You know me and my love for the beach! We then had dessert before dinner! Dessert was a mouse bomb at Black Dog Cafe which we shared and then we had a delicious dinner at Little House Cafe; we of course shared fish tacos and chicken pita wraps. We hiked into Lamberts Cove which is a private beach during the day, but open to the public to watch the sunset, which we quite enjoyed!

Friday we went to the beach again, but not before we had some clam chowder at the MVY Chowder House and did some shopping in Oak Bluffs. We picked up (my last) Grace Church Lobster Rolls which we would have on Sunday for dinner. We took the sister missionaries to get hermit cookies from Scottish Bake House. These are my new favorite treat; they are a soft molasses cookie with raisins! We then went out to the cliffs, which is by far my most favorite part of the island. We had dinner at Linda Jeans and then did some shopping in Vineyard Haven.

Saturday we went to the farmers market, Alley's General Store, had pizza at Chilmark General Store and then went to Chilmark Chocolates. I can't believe I have just discovered this little chocolate store. These chocolates are made here and the store is staffed by people with special needs. The chocolates seriously melt in your mouth! We went to the beach again but only for an hour because it was a bit chilly. We did some shopping in Edgartown and then had Clam Chowder at The Atlantic, where we watched a 10ish year old ride his bike into the water. It was so funny.

Sunday after our potluck at church we took a nap. I love Sunday naps. We then went out to Menemsha a cute fishing village where we ate our Lobster Rolls while we watched a beautiful sunset.

Monday morning Alisha had to leave, but not before we had breakfast at Lucky Hanks. This is such a cute rustic restaurant and the oatmeal was delicious.

It was so much fun to have Alisha here. We laughed a lot, relaxed and as you see we ate good food. Alisha and I have always enjoyed good food. The funny thing is she lost a pound being here. It sounds like we ate a lot, but really only 1 big meal a day. Even though Alisha was here on vacation, I felt like I was on vacation too!

I'm pretty sure my last beach day was yesterday. The temperatures are staying in the low 70's, which makes me sad, but it's ok because in 2 weeks I'll be wishing for cooler temps when I arrive in Phoenix.

About Me

I'm a daughter, sister, favorite auntie, friend, physician assistant, lover of candy, tulips, fruit, a good salad, traveling adventures, a good book, style, flip flops, spinach shakes, Boise State Football and cooking, who happened to be diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in June 2013 and will fight like no other to live a positive, happy, vibracious, exciting life as a survivor and overcomer!