Monday, November 2, 2009

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on He’s Got the Whole World in the Palm Jumehria, teams traveled around Dubai, United Arab Emirates, where Cheyne and Meghan continued to be rock stars. The gay boys used to flirt with girls, and they must be coming out this episode. The Globetrotters can’t read a watch, but that doesn’t cause as much issue as Mika being unable to go down a waterslide, and the virgins are eliminated. Those Canaan days we used to know, where have they gone, where did they go? (Auburnium0513: “Is it just me or does this beginning seem to have extra fluff? “) And who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

1:13 PM Meghan/Cheyne(1st)Clue: Fly to Amsterdam, the Netherlands! Teams now fly 3000 miles and find a marked car to drive themselves to the Afsluitdijk, a 19-mile causeway that connects North Holland and Friesland, and find the Lely Monument for their next clue.

And teams all get on a flight at 12 am to the Netherlands. In the meantime, the Globetrotters tell the story of how Mika and Canaan were eliminated (Toyouke: “Oohhhhhhhh...Big Easy. You could have gotten away with it.”), and Sam and Dan came out to the teams, much to the shock and surprise of Maria, Tiffany and Ericka. Brian: “Now the matching swimsuits make sense!” Dan: “That was our mother’s idea!” Sam: “We haven’t even told a lot of our family back home.” Ericka: “Well, now you have.” Oops. Gary: “So, would this be the best time to tell Matt that he was adopted?”

And after the hilarity, teams hop on the Amazing Red Line to Amsterdam.

Teams arrive and get in their cars in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne2- Sam/Dan3- Gary/Matt4- Maria/Tiffany5- Flight Time/Big Easy6- Brian/Ericka – who apparently can’t drive a regular non-stick shift car. (Toyouke: “This isn't even a stick shift! How do you fail at driving a regular car? “) To Brian’s defense, if your wheel is not in the right position, the key won’t click into ignition. I’ve had it happen to me. Then again, that should not be a surprise.

Teams drive the Afsluitdijk to the Lely Monument and get the clue in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne2- Sam/Dan3- Flight Time/Big Easy4- Gary/Matt5- Maria/Tiffany6- Brian/Ericka – (Toyouke: “Ericka needs to chill. You can't blame your partner for freaking you out. I mean, between the two of us I certainly have the shorter temper, but when you are freaking out it makes me calmer because you NEVER freak out. Also, maybe you would have a better argument if you weren't so useless.”)

Teams are instructed to drive to Gröningen and find the Martinitoren, the highest building in the city to get their next clue.

ROADBLOCK:Who’s got strong legs and keen eyes?In this roadblock, one team member must climb the stairs of the Martinitoren and count the bells (62 in all). Once teams count all of the bells, they tell the number to the carillon master to get their next clue.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Meghan2- Sam3- Flight Time4- Matt5- Tiffany6- Ericka – who has a difficult time counting the bells, and apparently has no idea what she is doing. (Toyouke: “Um...you're counting the bells in the tower.”)

As the Roadblockers are counting, the carillon master starts playing the bells. (Toyouke: “Ha! I love that the guy is like, "Everyone is up in the tower, let me play the bells to fuck with them."”)

After much bell counting, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Gary/Matt2- Sam/Dan – who have allied for the task with . . .3- Meghan/Cheyne – who are annoyed when the boys turn around and tell the answer to . . .4- Maria/Tiffany5- Flight Time/Big Easy6- Brian/Ericka

Teams are then instructed to drive themselves to the town of Vierhuizen de Marne and find the windmill for their next clue.

DETOUR:Farmer’s Game OR Farmer’s DanceIn both tasks, teams must change into traditional Dutch clothing (one male outfit, one female outfit) and ride bicycles to get to their tasks.*Farmer’s Game: Teams ride their bikes to a nearby creek and strip to their farmer’s underwear. Teams then swim across the creek and pick up a set of golf clubs to play Farmer’s golf, a golf style game with wooden shoes on sticks and oversize balls. (Toyouke: “"Farmer's golf"? Like that's a real thing and you didn't just glue shoes to poles. “) Team members alternate hitting the ball, and must make a par of 8 or under on each of three holes in order to get their next clue from the proctor.*Farmer’s Dance: Teams ride their bikes to a traditional festival where team members take turns hitting the Big Shot bell. Once completed, teams go inside and learn a traditional Dutch dance. Once their instructor approves their completion, teams must eat salted herring to get their next clue.

(Auburnium0513: “What's with the multi-part detour?” Toyouke: “I was thinking about golf vs. dancing, but I realized you'd never let us skip a dancing Detour choice.”)

1-Sam/Dan choose Farmer’s Game – (Toyouke: “Sigh...the brothers are dorks.”)2-Meghan/Cheyne choose Farmer’s Game – but Meghan doesn’t golf. And yet she figured it out. Cheyne: "Pretend it's baseball but on the ground."3-Gary/Matt choose Farmer’s Dance – and Matt does the Big Shot in one hit. But when he discovers they have to eat salted herring, they Bald Snark to Farmer’s Game. (Toyouke: “Fish should not get the Loser Gong. Well, I guess that's not the Loser Gong but the Fail Clang. But you can just tell that Gary and Matt are having fun. It makes me glad.” Auburnium0513: “Bald snark on account of the fish!")4-Maria/Tiffany choose Farmer’s Dance – and try the Big Shot over 30 times before Bald Snarking to Farmer’s Game. (Toyouke: “Heh, attempt counter. “) Then the girls discover that they can’t golf. So they Double Bald Snark back to Farmer’s Dance. Tiffany: “Let's hug it out!” (Toyouke: “Actually...I think for them that was what they needed. “) After another 40 or so tries at the Big Shot, they perform the rare Triple Bald Snark back to Farmer’s Game. (Toyouke: “Maria is so useless at that thing. “) This does not bode well.5-Flight Time/Big Easy choose Farmer’s Dance6-Brian/Ericka choose Farmer’s Dance – after they walk to the Detour when they miss the bikes.

Teams get their clue and find that they must now travel by bike to Zoutkamp Harbor, the PIT STOP of the seventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. (Toyouke: “Now bike through town in your costumes! Humiliation for all!") The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Sam/Dan –who win a sand buggy. For Missouri? Phil: “You like dressing up?” Sam: “We’re not that kind of gay guys!”2- Meghan/Cheyne3- Flight Time/Big Easy – Phil: “You look ridiculous.” (Toyouke: “Heh...this is why it would have been sad if the Globetrotters had been out last week.”)4- Gary/Matt5- Brian/Ericka – who incur a 30 minute penalty for missing the bikes. Ericka: “We’ve had a trying day. (Toyouke: “But it's exactly when you have those days that you go home. No one goes home when they've had a good day.”)6- Maria/Tiffany

And Maria and Tiffany are. . . still playing the Farmer’s Game when Phil pays them a visit. Tiffany has decided that they will be unable to complete either task and rather than skip the task and go to the Pit Stop, they decide to quit the race.

Next week: Teams fly to Stockholm. (Kmanpat: “Hey we haven’t been to Sweden since Season 6! Toyouke: “Yeah, I still remember Lena and Kristy and the evil Swedish Roulette!”) Teams blow things up. And teams encounter a new task, a Switchback, in which current teams return to the site of a previous task to perform the task. AGAIN. So, teams find themselves on a farm in Häggvik, Sweden. (Kmanpat: “Wait, isn’t that. . .” Toyouke: “NO YOU BASTARDS!” Kmanpat: “I hope Lena and Kristy make a guest appearance.” Toyouke: “I like the idea of a Switchback, where you have to do some task that was featured in a previous season, but Swedish Roulette? The cause of 8 hours of torment and Phil's first on location elimination? You couldn't think of ANYTHING else you could do?”) Until next time!

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I'm that annoying friend that always wants to talk all through the TV show, and you don't always get that mad because sometimes she's funnier than the actual show. Except that I won't drown out the dialogue.