This past year has been one of the most challenging years for me so far. I had several challenging cases at work that have left me emotionally and psychologically drained. Cases that cosist of innocent kids witnesing horrific acts of violence, mothers losing their children and good people dealing with life the best way then can. It is usually after a session while I am driving home, do I realize how many things that I have to be thankful for. I realized that having materials things, does not guarantee happiness. I have come to learn that having people that care for your well-being is the best gift life can give you.

Here are a couple things I am Thankful for this Thanksgiving:

1. I am Thankful for having an amazing family. They may drive me nuts some time, but they bring a smile to my face when I see them. They have molded me into the person I am today.

2. I am Thankful for my friends. They have supported me when I have needed them the most. They are the reason why I love life so much. Friends are like little angels that God sends to help you when you can't help yourself.

3. I am Thankful for having a healthy boy. To many families are dealing with the illness of their children and it is one of the hardest things to deal with if your a parent.

4. I am Thankful for the ability to get a higher education. Many people wish they could get a B.S, M.S or Ph.D, but are unable for financial and other life obligations.

5. I am Thankful for not needing to be involved with Childnet. Those families that have to deal with the system for children and families, are my heroes. They have their lives under a microscope and are at the mercy of the system.

6. I am Thankful that my child has not experienced lose, trauma or violence. Way to many children are growing up withe anegative view of the world, due to experiences that they should have never been exposed to

7. I am Thankful for being healthy. Health is a gift. Cherish it and take care of it. Many are wishing for better health this holiday season, since they are fighting to stay alive.

8. I am Thankful for a stable job. Many are healthy and willing to work, but are simply unable to find a job that will help them provide for their family and themselves.

9. I am Thankful for my stenght. Even though I have had challenges that have tempted me to stay down, I have had the streght to get back up. Be thankful for yourself. If you are able to breath this thanksgiving day, you have had the strenght to stand up to all the obstacles in your life.

10. I am Thankful for LOVE. Love is the greatest emotions in this world. There is no price to feeling loved by those you care the most about. It gives you the strenght to stand up to the obstacles and LIVE with INTENTION.

Happy Thanksgiving to YOU! Hope this holiday season reminds you of all the the moments and people in your life that have allowed you the priveledge to celebrate this Thanksgiving.

01/13/2014

I am going to tell you what I think is the hardest thing that a human being can do... Saying something in the precise moment that something needs to be said; but our fear of failure, rejection, dissapointment or sadness is greater that the actual courage to say what is in our hearts and minds.

Over and over again, I notice that as technology increases our ability to express our thoughts and feelings to each other decrease greatly. We went from love letters to emails to 3 word texts. We went from telling people how we felt to sending emoticons. We replaced conversations with our loved ones to quick phone calls and text massages, basically giving the facts and losing the human contact and care. We go out to dinner with friends and in the first moment of an akward silence, everyone goes and reaches for their phone to check their social media sites. We have become so comfortable communicating electronically, that we are losing our ability to have a meaningful conversation with those we care about.

It's no surprise to me, that when it comes time for us to SAY SOMETHING to those we care about; we freeze up and our fears outmasters our ability to express our feelings. How many relationships could have been saved, if we are able to say what we felt, when we felt it and had enough practice communicating that disagreements were easily explained. How many problems could we have preveted ourselves if we were able to verbalize our thoughts appropriately to those around us? How much sadness, anger or frustration could we have prevented ourselves if we had taken the time to clarify with the others their intention behind their actions.

We may be able to communicate with our loved ones easier, but the quality of our communicarion is deteriorating.

How many times can someone express to you what they feel via text, but not when your face to face?

How many times do you send someone a kiss via an emoticon, but not give them a kiss when they are in front of you?

How many times do you tell someone you miss them, but not do anything to see them?

How many times do we hide behind our bright screens and stalk our friends on Facebook and not call them and ask them " Hey hows life?", even when you are already curious about how they are doing?

How many times do you see a friend accomplish a mayor milestone and all you do is press LIKE and not call them to congradulate them?

How many times do you have the urge to hug someone, and keep yourself from doing it?

How many times has pride or ego, kept you from telling someone you miss them, care about them or even say I'm Sorry?

It's easy to fall into these patters, heck I am guilty of all of them. BUT NOT ANYMORE!! A text will never be able to replace a phone call. A phone call will never be able to replace a conversation over coffee. A conversation can not only help you improve your communication skills, but it allows you the opportunity to spend time with the people that matter the most to you. It allows you the opportunity to give someone a hug if they need one, a kiss or a simple touch that expresses to them that you care. A single touch can say more than a thousand words.

Lets try something new (but that has been around since the beggining of time):

Tell someone how much you care about them IN PERSON.

Hug someone you care about.

Have a coffee or lunch with a friend you haven't seen in a long time.

If you have a fight, resolve it in person and not via text.

If you send someone an emoticon of a kiss; kiss them when you see them next.

If you say something via text, then say it again when they are in front of you.

If you feel it, say it. You may be saying the thing, that may make all the difference.

We live a human world, not a technology one. Children need human touch and communication to thrive, as adults we are no different.

12/25/2013

It's been a while since I have written a post. My life, needless to say has been quite hectic this past year and many lessons disguised as challenges have been overcomed little by little. I am currently a family therapist for an agency in which I see cases on a daily basis that remind me of the meaning of living and the strenght we all have inside of us. I am currently completing my Ph.D in Family and Marriage Therapy; therefore am in a constant need for extra hours in a day. Even though it may sound tough, I LOVE what I do. If that wasn't enough I am also a "Single" (hate the descripter, but it's the one that society uses to refer to the type of mom I am) mom of a two year old boy that is the smile behind my laughter and my motivation behind my strenght. With so much going on in my life at the same time, I can say without a doubt I have had many ups and several downs in the past year. I have surprised myself throughout the year of how strong I really can be, even when I am feeling the weakest. These epiphanies throughtout the year have led me to come up with a list of "My Essentials for Actually Living and not Co-existing". I write this post for two reasons: the first to share some thoughts with you and the second to leave something behind for my son to read, once he gets older (Since whats on the internet, never leaves the internet)

Here is just a few thoughts that I try to live by:

1. Family truly is the biggest gift we are given in this world. Appreciate them and spend time with them while you can.

2. Good friends are also family. Value those that stick by you, in the moments that you truly feel the most unlovable.

3. Ask for help. Trying to do it all on your own, will lead to burnout...trust me.

4. Make time for yourself. Get to know yourself again, start a hobby that you have always wanted to start. Take care of yourself, because no one else can.

5. Don't take some else's actions personally. Everyone is fighitng of their own demons. Don't let their struggle affect your inner peace.

6. Those that care about you, will find a way to show you what you mean to them.

7. Those that don't care about you, will also show you via their actions the little that you mean to them.

8. Collect people that show you that they care for you, and eliminate those that make life more complicated. Things start getting easier once that is done.

9. Find and do what your passionate about. It makes living a fun adventure and not a chore.

10. Smile at strangers, give a compliment. You never known if your saving a life.

11. Express your feelings to those you appreciate. You never know if that one thing you left unsaid, could have change the course of that relationship.

12. Say sorry when you made a mistake. Pride and ego usually go against what the heart desires.

13. Laugh and laugh hard. Laughing is natures medicine. Surround yourself by people that make you laugh. They are free medicine in human size dosis.

14. Make time for friends. A friendship needs to be cultivated and maintained as much as a relationship with your partner needs it.

15. Be true to yourself. Those that matter, love the real you. Those that don't, are not worth the energy to pretend to be an unauthentic version of yourself.

16. Trust should be given 100% at the beginning of any relationship. But be aware, trust can be lost within seconds.

17. There are loves that will never be forgetten, the love for them will change, but never cease to exist.

18. Things happen for a reason, it may sound like a cliche, but nothing in this world have I noticed to be more true. Life is a complex puzzle, in which all the pieces start to fit perfectly once we reflect on them.

19. Do something crazy every once in while. The crazy moments are the moments that will always be remembered.

23. Decisions made with the heart, are rarely regretted. Decisions made with the head, usually are.

24. Speak up. If your angry, say it. If your sad, express it. It your happy, show it. If you miss someone, tell them. Life is to confusing, to try to read people's minds.

25. There are people that come into your life for a reason, finding the reason is the fun part. Just live and see where life leds you.

Twenty five thoughts, for twenty five years I have lived. I am looking forward to what this next year will bring. No matter what it brings, whether its good or bad; I am sure that all of us have it in us to actually live it and and not just survive it.

06/12/2012

Today I have changed my view on life, my view of others and my view of our society. I am lucky enough to have to privildge to hear the stories of GLBT persons in my sexuality class for the past two weeks and I am inspired by their resilience and strenght. Before this class I can saw myself as someone that accepted people as they are, not caring their gender or sexual orientation. It wasn't until today that I noticed that as a heterosexual female I am given privilges in our society that our friends in the GLBT community are fighting for. They are fighting for the right to love who they choose, marry whom them love, and be who they really are. They are not asking anyone to be like them, they are asking to be accepted for who they are. They have not chosen to contradict religion, they were born the way God meant for them to be. They are loving, caring, strong and HUMAN. They are fighting a battle of equality and we all need to help for a better future.

Throughout history there are moments time and time again where people from all walks of life come together and fight for the freedom to live in happiness, security and with those we care about. The United States was formed by people coming together and fighting for independence and freedom form religious persecution. The whites and blacks fought together in the civil war for the end of slavery. Men and women protested together for voting rights for women. Countries from all over the world fought in WW2 to end the holocaust. Over and over again those that are not part of the fight; joined the fight for the improvement of man kind. All these battles were controversial during their peak but in the end they have improved our society and human kind. We are now seeing that that people from all over are coming together to fight KONY 2012 and bring awareness toward the conflict in Africa; even though most of us have never been to Africa or experience its violence. But we know that its the right thing to do. We don't have to go as far as Africa to fight injustice towards humans, we just have to look in our own community.

In my class my teacher gave us a couple fo questions to answer if we said we were heterosexual and made me think about how we perceive our sexuality. I can say that many of these questions made me realize how I though about my sexuality and that of GLBT. Sexuality is a social construct and it is based our perceptions about what is the "norm" for what we should be and accept. If we all open our mind and hearts to a new "norm" were no matter our sexual orientation or gender; we are allowed to love and be accepted for who we are we can create a better future for generations to come.

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality? 2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual? 3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of? 4. Could it be that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex? 5. If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, how can you be sure you wouldn’t prefer that? 6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react? 7. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle? 8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet? 9. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they’d face? 10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual men. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual male teachers, pediatricians, priests, or scoutmasters?

11. With all the societal support for marriage, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals? 12. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex? 13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual? 14. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you fear s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings? 15. Heterosexuals are notorious for assigning themselves and one another rigid, stereotyped sex roles. Why must you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

04/08/2011

Okay so we can all remember what our friends would tell us when we first became interested in the opposite sex, they would advise us in different ways to get the other person you liked to like you. Can you remember what advise you got in order to get your crush to like you in middle school? Well we humans tend to have the tendency to make things much more confusing and difficult than they should be, and the main reason for this is that many of us are scared to death of the truth, rejection or even worse that the other person feels the same way ( We know what to do when we get sad, but we don't know how to appreciate happiness...that is another blog completely). So to get back on to topic as children we would hit or make fun of the person we liked. As we grew up we would play games with a group of friends such as SPIN THE BOTTLE or SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN hoping that we are "forced" to kiss the person we like so if they rejected you, you could say "I was just playing the game, I didn't really want to kiss you".

You think that as we grew up to become teenagers and adults we grow out of this habit to play games with the person we want to be with. But sadly but truly that is not the case. Instead we play more complex and mind- F&*(*%& games...which certain women and men play very well but rarely get anywhere. Some of the games or the evolved version of naming them, these unwritten "RULES" of dating become the 10 commandments of getting someone you like to notice you. Lets name a few that are very common but usually end to being single.

1. Be hard to get

2. Do not call until 3 days after they have given you their number

3. Make that person jealous

4. Do not tell them exactly what you are feeling

5. Do not text, BBM. facebook message, call until a couple of days after your first date.

6. Act as if you do not care

7. Flirt with their friends

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These are just a couple of "RULES" that I can think up on the top of my head; rules I use to do all the time when I was single. I us to be part of the population that thought that if I followed these rules I will end up with the guy of my dreams..well that wasn't the case at all. I notices that by playing these games I was being childish, immature and to scared to go after something that may be worth it, even though it was risky. It never popped into my head that the guys that I was dating where over all these "childish games" and instead of getting more interested in me they were getting tired and thought I was not interested at all in them (when in reality I was). It wasn't until I dated an older guy ( 10+ my age) that I noticed that playing games was completely stupid. He was direct and upfront, called when he wanted to hear my voice, invited me out when he wanted to see me and told me how he felt when he felt it. There was no guessing no assuming..it was so refreshing that from that day on I noticed that playing games just made things frustrating and complicated. Dating should never be frustrating or complicated.

Well things didn't work out with that guy due to many reasons that (WALLAH) were spoken about and we decided to be friends. After that experience I decided to be honest, direct and upfront with every guy I would date in the future. If the guy I dated would play games, I would just let him be and move on. Well after two years of being single, I met the guy that played no games at all and that was the biggest turn on I ever had. It was so simple and easy and it felt good to say things and do things when you felt the need to. We dated for a month before we became official and that surprised me because I would date a guy for months playing "games" and never be close to official. Once I stop playing games and found someone that was tired of games...we clicked and starting dating.

Now I see all my friends that play games and they are still SINGLE and wonder why, they are great people but seem not to find anyone they click with. While my friends that are in long term relationship got tired of these games and starting being honest with themselves and others and are happy that they risked their ego and pride in order to find a fulfilling relationship. As children we get tired of playing the same game over and over again so we decide to play another game. The same goes with us, we play the same game over and over again with the same person that we are bound to get bored and look elsewhere for entertainment. When we take a risk and be honest, everyday is a new game, the game of getting to know the real person your dating. The daily surprises of love, romance, laughter and unexpected events. How can we get bored of a game that we have no clue how it ends, but we can easily get bored of a game that we see everyone else playing and know that it ends all the same.

Take a risk and call the person that your thinking about, thank that person after a great date with a sweet text, ask to see the person you have been yearning to see all day...TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL. Throw away that old idea of "rules" because there are no rules when it comes to relationships, nor a blueprint to how they start or end. Each relationship is unique and the only way to start one is to be honest with yourself and others and do what your gut tells you to do. Hey they may surprise you and tell you that they have been wanting to do or feel the same thing...then the real and unexpected game of life and love begins.

02/14/2011

Its funny how the world works when your single you want to be in a relationship and after being in a relationship for a while everyone at some point wants to be single again. I think its human nature that we as humans are never content with what we have. Today the day of Valentines Day my friends that are single are sad and bummed that they are not with anyone special to celebrate it with and believe that the only sole purpose of Valentines Day is to make them aware that they are single; but I dare to prove all you single people WRONG!!!

Being single is far from being a bad thing; actually the complete contrary being single is such a good thing that people in good relationships usually mess them up due to the need to be single again. I remember by single years with such fondness that I miss them. I had so much fun when I was single, I explored new things, went to new places, found out who I was and so much more! So why is it that everyone dreads to be single, when its such a fantastic phase in our lives. You may ask why I say phase? Well because I have not meet the first person that has stayed single forever, being with someone is inevitable, the person may be a friend, a stranger a co-worker or a blast from the past; but everyone will end up in a relationship at some point. After being in that relationship usually give it 6 months or so before the yearning to be single again creeps up again due to how much the person misses it. So the way I see it is that unless the two people in the relationship are completely head over heels in love with eachother, someone in that relationship wants to be single again. So for you Single people, BE HAPPY AND ENJOY IT WHILE IT LAST!!!

Now if your still not buying the idea that being single is a GREAT thing and that instead of looking at Single Awareness Day as a curse but as a blessing; then let me remind you of ten reasons you should be giving a toast tonight for being single.

1. You can do whatever you want when you want it! You don't need to get approval from anyone if you want to go on a weekend trip with friends.

2. You save money! Do you know how much money is spent on dates, gifts, etc. And the longer you are with the person the more significantly expensive a gift tends to be.

3. You can focus on your goals! We tend to get sidetracked when we are in a relationship, so take this time to focus and achieve your goals! You will never be as focus with achieving your goals.

4. You don't have to deal with anyone PMS, bad mood, etc! When your friends decide to be a bit bitchy or mean you just give them their space and your good. But when your in a relationship you have to deal with it, since usually the other person beleives it their fault and it ends up in a fight!

5. You meet tons of new people! When your single you are usually looking for the particular someone, most of the time you don't find that particular someone but you tend to meet tons of new people! Since you won't be blamed for flirting while in a relationship, singles can flirt the night away.

6. You can maintain and cultivate your friendships! Most people lose touch with their friends when they enter a relationship and end up loosing them or missing them after the initial magic of the relationship is gone. As a happy single person you are able to rekindle old friendships and cultivate the new ones.

7. You can travel a lot more!!! Since no one is holding you back at the home land you can go backpacking through Europe for three months without feeling guilty for leaving someone behind.

8. You can experiment new things! Hey nothing can stop you from doing a couple things that would normally not be seen as normal. No one but yourself can stop you from jumping out of a plane, dancing on top of the bar, kissing a stranger, etc. Do anything that intrigues you, this is the time where the only person that matters is you!

9. Spend time with those you care about! I am talking about your friends, your family, your coworkers. Even though you don't feel romantic love for them, you care for them and they care for you. Spend some quality time with those you usually don't see due to our hectic lives.

10. You can take care of yourself, figure yourself out and love yourself! Being single is a time that the only person you can take care of 100% is yourself. This is the time that you can take to figure out what you want in life, who you would want in your life and take care of yourself like taking up a hobby, going to the gym, relaxing..etc!!

Being single is a great and necessary time for everyone, SO ENJOY IT!!!

01/26/2011

Breakups are one of those things in life that no one can escape from, they are like speed bumps. If your expecting the breakup then the process is smooth but you still fill the uncomfortable bump; but the worst kind are the speed bumps that you never expected, that came out of nowhere and make you jump off your seat and hit your head with the top of the car. Breakups is an inevitable event that will happen to us in our romantic lives, sometimes we will be the one to break up with the other person and other times we will be the person that has someone break up with us. Either way being in either position is not easy and is quite painful to everyone involved.

A friend told me yesterday that statistically January is the month that the most breakups and divorces happen ( I had 1o friends break up this month : /).Well that makes tons of sense, since it is usually a new year resolution to the majority of the us to become better people and surround ourselves with people that will help us be a better person in the new year. So then why is everyone breaking up then? Well the reason is simple, something in the relationship is not working thus makes you feel sad constantly. So you break up to feel better and improve your life and take out anything that isn't functioning so that becoming a better you is easier to do. Looking at it that way it doesn't seem like such a bad thing that we all make it out to be right? Breaking up is another way of finding ourselves and our happiness, not the other way around. I have not meet the first person that has not improved their lives after a break up, since they take this painful opportunity to think about what they deserve and what they want and achieve just that.

Breakups are hard events to go through but we always come out stronger and smarter after we go through them. They are part of our life cycle, a cleaning cycle, a natural cycle that allows us to have people in our lives that will bring us happiness and joy and not grief. They are painful and difficult but in the end they will just become another chapter in you life book.

I'm not saying that breaking up is a positive thing 100% since it is a moment in our lives that we are filled with loss, confusion, sadness, anger, neglect and suffering. We start thinking that it is pointless to ever fall in love, trust anyone, take the time to get to know someone and open up to anyone. Thinking all of this is completely normal and venting and crying is all part of the process, if you don't go through then I would think you are denying your feelings and that is not healthy for you. So if you have broken up with someone or if it happens in the future, take the coupe of days after the break up to scream, cry, vent and do anything and everything to let out all the emotions you have inside of you. Trust me after a while there will be no more tears that will come out, and this will allow you to think about all the things that worked and went wrong in the relationship. Usually at this stage we are in search for clarification, reasoning, motives for the breakup. If you didn't get a clear reason for the breakup this stage is quite painful since you tend to feel like you have no control in your life. If you feel prepare and ready for it, then go and demand a clarification a reason, no matter how painful the reason may be it is better to know the why than to be clueless to the reason.

Usually the venting period and the clarification period is the storm part of the breakup. After you have cried all you can and found reasons for the breakup the calm of the breakup comes. Just like there is always a sunny day after a huge storm, the sunny days of post breakup are close. We all enter a ME phase, you start taking charge of your life, taking care of yourself, doing things for yourself; not because you want to be all me me me, but we all tend not to want to invest to much of our emotions in other people that we see it safer to invest our emotions in ourselves. I personally believe this ME- phase is fantastic, because it is the opportunity to take care of the person we have neglected the most in the relationship, OURSELVES. After the ME phase and this self-reflecting we figure out that everything happens for a reason and come into an acceptance of the past relationship and decide to continue our lives and improve our lives so that the next relationship will be better than the past. After going full circle we notice that every relationship is a learning experience that in order for us to truly learn it we have to go through the emotional roller coaster so that as the years go by we learn to ask and look for what we deserve in a relationship.

Breakups help us grow and become better people no matter how painful the break up was. So when you go through one, don't look at it like a curse but as an opportunity to fix a part of your life that isn't working. if you can view a breakup as a positive thing after all the venting, then your half way there to getting better and getting over your past.

01/07/2011

The months of November and December marks a date when families can reunite and gather together to celebrate Thanksgiving and the rest of the Holidays such as Hanukah, Christmas, and the New Year! For some, it’s just a day off of work where they can sip on some beer, watch football games and eat heavy. For many, it’s a day to reminisce on our blessings and give thanks onto God and others who were there when we needed them.

But you see, we shouldn’t be reminded to “give thanks” because of a special holiday. It’s every day where we should be thankful and grateful to what we have around us. Where everyday we have the opportunity to thank those who were good to us and to help someone who’s in need. Finding the need, filling the need, and serving the need are ways of embracing a giving mentality and humble spirit. Making sacrifices and giving to others of our time, abilities and resources is a clear example of how we show our love. To have an enduring fruitful life, we cannot put our love on autopilot.

Most of us concentrate on what we can get in life, in which by no means, is not necessarily bad since its part of human nature. But if we can flip that around at times and concentrate on what we can give, your life will be changed! We think about what other people should do for us and often become angry because they do not give us what we want. Instead, we should think with intention about what we can do for others and then trust God and ourselves to meet our needs and fulfill our desires. For example, if communicators and leaders teach out of need, insecurity, ego, or even responsibility, they are not really giving. The needy person wants praise. The insecure person wants approval and acceptance. The egotistical person wants to be lifted up, to be superior and just a little bit better than everyone else.. Then there’s the giver. This person teaches with a desire of love, grace, gratitude, compassion, and the overflow of life, without expecting anything back.

Realizing that I give and help on purpose has been a very rewarding and important life lesson to me. I am learning more to trust God to get me what He wants me to have and to personally continue reaching out to others. For 2011, lets encourage each other to complain less, and give more.

12/31/2010

Like everyone else right now I am remembering all the great and bad times I had in the past year. All the mistakes and all the triumphs I experiences in 365 days, 12 months and 48 weeks. Some days were more exciting than others but are equally important. They were equally important because they led me to the days that are memorable and helped me get to a point that I felt able or comfortable to grow to be the person I am today. Most of us are not the same person we were a year ago, we have learned from our mistakes, we have experienced new things and maybe moved to a new place. Some of you might look into this past year and believe nothing was accomplish, but that is not true. Just living day by day is accomplishing something, learning new about yourself is accomplishing something and having people around you that cares is accomplishing something. I know that everyone thinks of an event they wished they could have change, something they wished they said to someone, or simply something they wish to change about yourself. Well this is why ever year it is a tradition to have new years resolution.

Resolutions are an opportunity for you to sit down and think; think about what you want to do with your life, who you want to be in your life and what you expect and want for yourself. We rarely have these moments that we sit down and contemplate due to our busy lives; but the one day we do is moments before the clock hits 12. Take this opportunity that your contemplating you life and set goals for yourself so that this time next year you feel good or even better than now about what you have accomplished. After you write your resolutions get someone that you trust to read them, that way someone other than yourself can hold you accountable. Many of us have no idea what they should write for their new year resolution, so I have a suggestion. Think of where you want to be in 5 years and then ask yourself which steps can you take this year in order to achieve them. Which risk can you take in order to achieve what your heart desires. What is something you wish you can do but have never done?

Well I am going to write my new resolutions here, so that all my readers can hold me accountable. This is actually quite intimidating since I am basically going to bare my souls and goals to all of you, but this will only make me wanna accomplish them all in order not to look like a failure. So here I go with a resolution for each month of 2011.

Before the dreaded 2012 ( Hey it may be the end of the world..jajaja):

1. I want to stop assuming things and expecting things from others, everyone is different and they deserve to be different.

2. I want to make "new friendships" with my old friends, I care about them and since they have changed since we became friends I want to accept and become friends with the new them.

3. I want to dedicate myself more to school, get good grades, join to humanitarian organizations and join a research study.

4. I want to be a great psychotherapist to my patients ( I see my first pt on Jan. 4.. so excited)

12/22/2010

As I sit with a glass of wine I think about all the things I accomplish this past year and that things I was to scared to accomplish. Scared you might ask, why would someone be scared to accomplish something they really want? Well most of the time in order to accomplish something we want or try something we want we have to leave our comfort zone in order to do it. We have to pop the safety bubble and wonder into a new world with no safety net. This fear of leaving the world where we know exactly how everything works and entering a world where we don't know what might happen next is quite terrifying for most of us.

A clear example of this falling in love. Many of my friends are afraid to love even though they want to fall in love, they usually self-destruct a potential relationship due to this fear. I have a tattoo of a Chinese symbol that means "You need strength to love and love gives you strength". I got this tattoo after I noticed that I was sabotaging every relationship I was in, due to my fear to fall in love again. I would end things with great guys just because I was afraid to get hurt again. I know many of us after loving and getting hurt tend to prevent that pain as best we can, so that we will never suffer again for anyone else. At first that seems like the best thing you can do, but after a while you will notice that if you don't risk yourself to love, you will end up having superficial relationships with people and those that you actually care about you will drive away in order not to get hurt. This was exactly what happened to me, I drove away great guys because I was afraid to love until one day. A good friend of mine made me realize one day that the problem was not the guys I dated but me! I was afraid of taking a risk and due to that I ended up messing up every relationship I had, I was so scared to get hurt again that I made a small thing into a huge thing and ended things prematurely. I decided then to change and put the wall down in order to allow someone close to my heart, and I took a risk. Mind you the first risk I took didn't turn out as planned...actually I crashed and burned because while I was open to making things work for something more serious the guy wasn't ready yet... Bad timing I guess. But that is not the moral of the story, even though it hurt to get rejected, I noticed that I was stronger; that I was able to deal with the pain better than the first time. With a night out with my best friend a beer and some Caifanes I was ready to take a risk again. The next guy that came along, was someone I least expected to be with and even though I didn't think things would ever work out between us, I took a risk anyway and thanks to that risk I am head over heels in love and happy with my boyfriend of almost 2 years :D!! If I had not taken that second risk I would have missed out of being with one the greatest and inspiring people I know.

We are raised to do things in a way that no harm comes our way. So we stay away from fire, sharp items, guns and dark lonely alleys; but we are not taught how to deal with emotions such as rejection, sadness, anger, disappointment and regret. So how do we deal with these emotions we try not to get into situation that may cause these feelings, which in consequences we stop taking risk that could potentially make us very happy. So we decide to stay in the same job you hate, a relationship that is just habit that love, a career that you do well but not passionate about or a life that is just routine and no excitement. Taking a risk is never an easy thing to do, but nothing that is worth it is accomplish without a major risk. Most of the people that have accomplish things to make our lives easier such as inventors, or those that save our lives when all the odds are against them such as doctors; don't accomplish these things by playing the safe side but by taking risk. Those people that learn not to be afraid of risk are usually the ones that live the most fulfilling lives while those that don't risk and allow great opportunities pass them by due to fear usually feel regret in their old age. Do you want feel happy and accomplish in your old age or regret and sadness?

All of my happiest and most memorable memories have happened when I took risk. When I did things that were not in my character of doing. I forgot about all the odds against me, the what if's, the maybes and just lived moment by moment. Those moments didn't all turn out how expected but I learned from them and remember them with love and nostalgia. Taking risk are not easy but the worst thing that will happen after taking a risk is that you figure out that it didn't work for whatever the reason may be and you learn something new about yourself.

Take a Risk:

1. Tell someone or everyone exactly how you feel about them.

2. Try that thing that you always wanted to do, but was to timid or scared to try it out.

3. Let your guard down and allow someone to love you.

4. Speak with your heart, and act with your heart even though your logic tells you otherwise.

5. Be yourself, not the imitation of the population. Being yourself makes being happy so much more easier.

The hardest thing you will ever do in your life is LIVING it to its full potential!!