Nothing is forever.
All of the people who were so, so important five years ago and two years ago and one year ago have had their day and been replaced by new people, and that is how it should be. We find the bare mechanics each other disgusting. Why should we stick around for a lifetime?
I won’t be clever forever. Not when some days I come in and spend lessons making polos into the Loch Ness monster, and it is okay to hate people who always ask for essay help and don’t pay bills in restaurants because those people, they don’t even have a shot at being forever. Not even once.
And everyone will be dust someday. Even boys who cup your hands in both of theirs, and girls who are substantial yet as gentle as reeds in a breeze, and every shade of human in between.
I will be dust with them.

But if you add cocoa powder to flour and sugar and eggs and butter, you get a hell of a muffin.

If the other person ever meant anything to you, you always will feel something for them. Even if it ended bitterly, there will be a residue of feelings. That’s just how love works.

As much as I wish my heart had an on/off switch and I could just go on with my life, ending loving feelings for someone has never been that easy. It is like a funeral “In loving memory of…..” because in the end it’s just the memories of both the good and the bad that stays long after the love is gone. Emotions are complex, when a relationship ends there is an undefined part of you that stays with that person no matter what. Perhaps because at one point in your life he/she is what makes you WHOLE.

But put quite simply, the person you loved, (still love?) doesn’t really exist anymore except inside your head and your heart. What we truly mean when we say, “I still love Him/Her” is that we love OUR MEMORY of that person and that love.

Of all the relationships I have been in, there have been three that lasted over at least 2 years. In all three relationships, I felt something special with them, respectively. I mean, obviously, because if you spend that much time with somebody, it’s evident that you have a connection or else you would have never spent all that time with them in the first place.

In all three of the relationships I mentioned, I felt like (at one point or another) a future was ensured. I really hurt one of the guys and I’ve really regretted doing it ever since, because he was a great catch and has went on to do amazing things in his life (I have him added on Facebook). I made some bad choices based on trying to make another person in my life happy and trying to acquire their approval so much so that I sacrificed my relationship with him in the process. My relationship with him was virtually perfect and flawless before I messed things up. I believe he and I could have had an incredible life together.

Things just didn’t work out with the two other guys, but they were great, too. I will always have a love for all three of them, because like I just said, if you spend that much time with somebody and share a love that lasts that long, you will feel it in you forever.

However, I don’t believe in this idea that two people are simply “meant” to be together!

I could say that about all three of the guys I just mentioned, especially the one I hurt!

That fable assumes our fate is predestined, which is BS! Any decision we make, anywhere, before a given situation develops can completely alter that situation as can any decision another person makes or any development we react to.

It’s a cruel world, but do your best to find/have positive people in your life while in it to shine a light on what’s good. There’s good in most things if you are willing to see it. You just have to make an effort to open your eyes and look.