I realized that I still have that weird little scar on my left forearm. It looks like someone rubbed my skin with an eraser and just got rid of some of the pigment. I was at the shop I used to work at, standing in the back door frame. There were all sorts of people in the back because I was closing the store, but we were all getting it together to go out somewhere and do something and were trying to finalize plans. It was raining outside and so I was standing half in and half out the door, smoking a cigarette. Cindy had some by a little earlier and we'd had a brief smoke up in her car (Cindy was always showing up and asking me for mini smoke ups... I never really understood why... I barely knew the chick) and so I was a little mellow and buzzy. A little out of it.

I was watching the activity in the room, holding the cigarette in my left hand and rhythmically taking a puff, flicking the ash, letting my hand dangle while I exhaled... taking a puff, flicking the ash, letting my hand dangle while I exhaled. I wasn't paying attention to my left side, the side that was pointed out the door the side with the cigarette in my hand. One of the times that I flicked the ash, I hit something. I turned quickly and saw this guy Josh there. I'd never liked Josh. He stared at me. He was quiet in a way that made me nervous. He was tall and wide and a little smelly and very phsycially intimidating and I'd just accidentally brushed his arm with a cigarette. I apologized profusely, wiped his arm off, asked if he wanted like.. a cold towel, did it hurt, can't believe I did that, so so sorry... He just laughed and said it wasn't a big deal. My friend James came in at the end of this and asked what happened and Josh said I'd accidentally brushed him with my cigarette and then laughed. James laughed and I said "yeah, Josh the human ashtray"... we all laughed.

Stood there, just talking, about the time I was about to get rid of my cigarette, Josh, without saying anything, took my arm by the wrist, took the cigarette from my hand, and held the lit end to my arm until it went out.

It took me a second to react and by the time I did, the damage was already done and I was more shocked than actually hurt. Well, hell , it hurt... but it wasn't hideously bad or anything.

There was a big drama after that and I never talked to Josh again after that and he never offered an apology or explanation. That was... hmmm.. 6 years ago?

The only person who was close enough was James and he didn't see it until he saw me move and turned his head to look. They kept him away from me the rest of the night (he kept trying to "come apologize") and stayed generally...wall of bodies... between me and him whenever he was around. it wasn't really obvious, but it was there.