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Monday, April 18, 2011

A Pack of Raging Troglodytes

See? A rain of raptors. Or, in Spanish, un chingo de repaces.

Most mornings now, the skies open up and it rains raptors. Today, when the flood had slowed down to a trickle, a great “sunbow” appeared in the sky. A sunbow is a halo of light that surrounds the sun for reasons that have never fully been explained by science or religion alike. Sunbows are cousins of the moonbow, but are considerably more rare and have the added bonus of having the “bow” essentially being a big circular rainbow. If you have not seen a giant, circular rainbow in the sky, its fucking epic. It blows double rainbows out of the sky and down in to the realm of lowly (albeit awesome) Youtube memes.

I’m getting carried away. At any rate, I was lucky enough to see a few migrants cross the threshold of the sunbow, and I know, deep in my heart of hearts, that those birds are enchanted now. Those Turkey Vultures will find a dead whale in a few days somewhere on the coast of Tamaulipas and never be hungry again. That Cooper’s Hawk will nest next to a bird feeder and have a big happy family with crops full of goldfinches and chickadees. The Osprey will finally get the nerve to start stealing fish from Bald Eagles. The Swainson’s Hawks will come into the United States just as a great plague of locusts sweeps over the country, ensuring a relentless supply of food and, if they can eat enough of them, possible canonization by Mormons. California Gulls have gotten all the glory so far, but nothing makes heroes like a plague.

I can’t help but take this as a sign of sorts…the return of the OVNIs is imminent….

We are essentially working on this project with a skeleton crew of sorts, which has not been boding well lately for maximum birding opportunities. New birds are very near...but who knows how many will come to pass before I am shipped North again. The BB&B spring tour comes to a close at the end of this month, and I will need to prepare for the long North Dakotan summer. There are rumors of staggering numbers of strange flatland birds like Baird’s Sparrow and Sharp-tailed Grouse where I’ll be stationed (performing?), and I must be ready if they are to accept me as one of their own.

Felonious Jive and I are always cooking up plans, and we recently realized that we need to start our own bird observatory. Then the grant money will just come pouring in and we can do whatever research we see fit. Our relative lack of credentials should not be a problem…Felonious is unanimously hailed as The Greatest Ornithologist West of the Mississippi, and I am the Number 8 birder in the nation, after all. It’s the best idea we’ve ever had. The observatory may or may not ever need to physically exist, and/or it can be completely mobile, being transported to wherever Felonious or I happen to be at the time. Ultimately, it just needs a kickass name and maybe a few tee shirts…all in the name of being a birding Zeitgeist. So more on that soon.

Most mornings now, the skies open up and it rains raptors. Today, when the flood had slowed down to a trickle, a great “sunbow” appeared in the sky. A sunbow is a halo of light that surrounds the sun for reasons that have never fully been explained by science or religion alike. Sunbows are cousins of the moonbow, but are considerably more rare and have the added bonus of having the “bow” essentially being a big circular rainbow. If you have not seen a giant, circular rainbow in the sky, its fucking epic. It blows double rainbows out of the sky and down in to the realm of lowly (albeit awesome) Youtube memes.

I’m getting carried away. At any rate, I was lucky enough to see a few migrants cross the threshold of the sunbow, and I know, deep in my heart of hearts, that those birds are enchanted now. Those Turkey Vultures will find a dead whale in a few days somewhere on the coast of Tamaulipas and never be hungry again. That Cooper’s Hawk will nest next to a bird feeder and have a big happy family with crops full of goldfinches and chickadees. The Osprey will finally get the nerve to start stealing fish from Bald Eagles. The Swainson’s Hawks will come into the United States just as a great plague of locusts sweeps over the country, ensuring a relentless supply of food and, if they can eat enough of them, possible canonization by Mormons. California Gulls have gotten all the glory so far, but nothing makes heroes like a plague.

I can’t help but take this as a sign of sorts…the return of the OVNIs is imminent….

We are essentially working on this project with a skeleton crew of sorts, which has not been boding well lately for maximum birding opportunities. New birds are very near...but who knows how many will come to pass before I am shipped North again. The BB&B spring tour comes to a close at the end of this month, and I will need to prepare for the long North Dakotan summer. There are rumors of staggering numbers of strange flatland birds like Baird’s Sparrow and Sharp-tailed Grouse where I’ll be stationed (performing?), and I must be ready if they are to accept me as one of their own.

Felonious Jive and I are always cooking up plans, and we recently realized that we need to start our own bird observatory. Then the grant money will just come pouring in and we can do whatever research we see fit. Our relative lack of credentials should not be a problem…Felonious is unanimously hailed as The Greatest Ornithologist West of the Mississippi, and I am the Number 8 birder in the nation, after all. It’s the best idea we’ve ever had. The observatory may or may not ever need to physically exist, and/or it can be completely mobile, being transported to wherever Felonious or I happen to be at the time. Ultimately, it just needs a kickass name and maybe a few tee shirts…all in the name of being a birding Zeitgeist. So more on that soon.

As always, we here at BB&B hope you are having an incredible day and doing your part to save the world….be it spaying and neutering your pet, simply being excellent to someone, or carrying out vigilante justice. Cheers.

3 comments:

Hey, so, wasn't there a woman in your group who warned you that you'd hate her before long, or something like that? If so, how's that going? (heard chupacabra on the radio yesterday and thought of you =) )

Oh, CA spring is FINALLY nice. Freakin' fabulous. Was dark and drippy and KILLING me last week, magically this week I am happy and energetic--SUCH a silly mammal. So, foothills are blooming merrily, butterflies are flitting about, and many stoked birds were singing their hearts out this a.m. as I photographed flowers on Hwy 49. HEAVEN. Supposed to hit v. low 70s in a few days. YAY!!!