Twelfth Night, Or What You Will

Olivia. I have sent after him: he says he'll come;
How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
1545For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.
I speak too loud.
Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil,
And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
Where is Malvolio?
1550

Malvolio. Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and
please all.'
1570

Servant. Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is
returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he
1600attends your ladyship's pleasure.

Olivia. I'll come to him.
[Exit Servant]Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's
my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special
1605care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the
half of my dowry.

[Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA]

Malvolio. O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than
Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with
1610the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may
appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that
in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she;
'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants;
let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put
1615thyself into the trick of singularity;' and
consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad
face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the
habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have
limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me
1620thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this
fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor
after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing
adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no
scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous
1625or unsafe circumstance—What can be said? Nothing
that can be can come between me and the full
prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the
doer of this, and he is to be thanked.

[Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN]

Sir Toby Belch. Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion
himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.

Fabian. Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?
how is't with you, man?
1635

Sir Toby Belch. Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My
niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we
may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,
till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt
1680us to have mercy on him: at which time we will
bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
finder of madmen. But see, but see.

Sir Toby Belch. [Reads] 'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon
one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but
my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
1710If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:
I'll give't him.

Maria. You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in
some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.

Sir Toby Belch. Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
1715orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest
him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for
it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood
more approbation than ever proof itself would have
1720earned him. Away!

Sir Toby Belch. Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
1725capacity and breeding; his employment between his
lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this
letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no
terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a
clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
1730word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report
of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his
youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous
opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.
This will so fright them both that they will kill
1735one another by the look, like cockatrices.

[Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA]

Fabian. Here he comes with your niece: give them way till
he take leave, and presently after him.

Sir Toby Belch. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message
1740for a challenge.

[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA]

Olivia. I have said too much unto a heart of stone
And laid mine honour too unchary out:
There's something in me that reproves my fault;
1745But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
That it but mocks reproof.

Viola. With the same 'havior that your passion bears
Goes on my master's grief.

Olivia. Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
1750Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,
That honour saved may upon asking give?

Sir Toby Belch. That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what
1765nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:
dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for
thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.
1770

Viola. You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel
to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from
any image of offence done to any man.

Sir Toby Belch. You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
1775your guard; for your opposite hath in him what
youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.

Sir Toby Belch. He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on
carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
1780brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and
his incensement at this moment is so implacable,
that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.

Viola. I will return again into the house and desire some
1785conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard
of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on
others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man
of that quirk.

Sir Toby Belch. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a
1790very competent injury: therefore, get you on and
give him his desire. Back you shall not to the
house, unless you undertake that with me which with
as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,
or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you
1795must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.

Viola. This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
my offence to him is: it is something of my
negligence, nothing of my purpose.
1800

Sir Toby Belch. I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this
gentleman till my return.

Fabian. Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by
his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,
1810bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly
have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
can.

Viola. I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one that
1815had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I
care not who knows so much of my mettle.

[Exeunt]

[Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW]

Sir Toby Belch. Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a
1820firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and
all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal
motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he
pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they
step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
1825

Sir Toby Belch. Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can
scarce hold him yonder.

Sir Andrew Aguecheek. Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so
cunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ld
1830have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,
and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

Sir Toby Belch. I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show
on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.
[Aside]1835Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
[Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA][To FABIAN]I have his horse to take up the quarrel:
I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.
1840

Fabian. He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and
looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.

Sir Toby Belch. [To VIOLA] There's no remedy, sir; he will fight
with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better
bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
1845scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for
the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.

Viola. [Aside] Pray God defend me! A little thing would
make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

Sir Toby Belch. Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;
he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has
promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he
will not hurt you. Come on; to't.
1855

First Officer. No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
Take him away: he knows I know him well.
1880

Antonio. I must obey.
[To VIOLA]This comes with seeking you:
But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
What will you do, now my necessity
1885Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
Much more for what I cannot do for you
Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
But be of comfort.

Viola. What money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,
And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my lean and low ability
1895I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
I'll make division of my present with you:
Hold, there's half my coffer.

Antonio. Will you deny me now?
Is't possible that my deserts to you
1900Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.

Viola. I know of none;
1905Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.
1910

Antonio. Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,
Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
1915And to his image, which methought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.

Antonio. But O how vile an idol proves this god
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
1920In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.

Viola. He named Sebastian: I my brother know
Yet living in my glass; even such and so
1935In favour was my brother, and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

[Exit]

Sir Toby Belch. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than
a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
his cowardship, ask Fabian.