Expert Advice: Mummy I don’t love you

Posted onMarch 21, 2012

‘Mummy I don’t love you’ the words that can break a mothers heart.

Your heart stops beating, but immediately you think ‘he doesn’t really know what he’s saying’ does he? You begin to question yourself. You had just told him how much you loved him before he answered with this gem. I’s he just trying to get back at you?’ You find yourself asking. Well his sister was born several months earlier and things have changed of course. Now what should I do?

I say, your son loves you and doesn’t mean what he has said. At his age it is often the reaction you get when you have said one thing and they turn it around to you and say the opposite. It’s a bit like a slap in the face. You can say ‘you’re playing so well with your sister, that’s nice to see’ and no sooner have the words come out than one will pinch the other as if to say ‘well what will you do about this?

The next time your son says something to this effect, quickly and simply stand up and walk directly away from him. This is giving him the message that you are not interested in this type of talk. Then when you notice him later behaving or speaking in a way you like, encourage this by going over and joining in.

It can well be that he is not feeling as close to you since his sister was born, this would be quite common, so if you feel this is the case, make sure you notice him more. With two children, you are busier and do not have the one on one time that you have before so you can boost his feelings of closeness with you by simply even catching his eye across the room and giving him a great smile, when he is behaving well of course.

Try doing this several times a day and make sure everyday he has 30 minutes with you without his sister and that you are both really connecting with each other not just being around each other. The earlier in the day you spend time with him the better. This will give him that emotional security and reassurance that he needs.