Steamboat Springs

The International Flash Mob Standards Organization (IFMSO) released a scathing critique of the 100th Winter Carnival Flash Mob, citing that it didn't meet the stringent standards needed to qualify as a genuine "flash mob."A member of the International Flash Mob Standards Organization, Inigo Montoya, expressed his doubt that the Winter Carnival Flash Mob was indeed a genuine flash mob. "You keep using that word," he said. "I do not think it means what you think it means."

"You can't tell anyone and everyone that there's going to be a flash mob going on," whined Knit Pick, president of IFMSO. "For goodness' sake, they had newspaper articles, public Facebook postings and even microphoned announcers telling everyone, 'OK, let's do that flash mob thing!'"

In IFMSO's report critiquing the Winter Carnival Flash Mob, the dictionary definition of the act was given: A flash mob is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then quickly disperse. The Winter Carnival featured neither a sudden assembly nor any type of dispersal, according to the report.

"Yes, they had a nice dance with good choreography, but it's just not a flash mob," noted Pick. "I suppose they could call it an 'Organized Dance' or a 'Group Celebration' or even the trendy term 'Smart Mob,' but just not a flash mob. We need standards for these things, or we'll lose the hip cache that's currently eroding faster than favorability numbers for Congress. We're still trying to recover from the flash mob on Modern Family--we can't afford to lose any more coolness."

Last night's Steamboat Springs City Council meeting was
interrupted by a classical prank that most councilmembers believe
was perpetrated by the local police and fire departments. At
approximately 8:13 p.m., City Council President Kart Beforehorski
received a text saying an urgent package was awaiting him outside
Centennial Hall, where a full meeting of the council was taking
place. As Beforehorski went to the door, he was surprised to see a
flaming bag on the front entrance.City Council's recent meeting came to a halt for several minutes when a flaming bag of poop was left outside of Centennial Hall. Jilted members of the police and fire departments were considered the prime suspects, but an official police investigation led to no arrests. "We didn't find shit--well, except that big turd bomb," noted Police Chief Haley Joel Osment Rae with a wink.

"I reacted instinctively and began stomping on the bag to put it
out, before the building caught on fire," noted Beforehorski. "Of
course, it was filled with dog poop. At least I hope it was only
dog poop. It got all over my new loafers and my favorite pair of
'Council khakis.'"

Next to the once-flaming bag of poop was a letter created from
cutout magazine letters, stating: "This is what will happen if you
have to put out your own...

After being bombarded by Intracourse's marketing machine that
noted Steamboat Ski Resort received 24 inches of snow in 24 hours,
approximately half of Denver showed up at the ski mountain many
days later for a weekend of historically long lift lines and snow
that barely resembled the actual powder dump that took place
several days prior."You see this snow?" asked Denver's Dave Late. "Several days ago, well before I got here, it was stacked up 24 inches high of pure fluff! You can just tell it was awesome for some other skiers! Shoot, I gotta get going before the traffic on I-70 really builds up. What a day!"

"It was epic, dude!" exclaimed Dave Late from Denver's Stapleton
area. "The lift lines were way shorter than Breck's, where I
normally ski on Saturdays. I only had to wait 20 minutes to catch a
chair! That totally made up for the five hours in grueling traffic
to get here!

"And the pow-pow was awesome!" he added. "You could really tell
that the piles of scraped off snow were 'the goods' at some earlier
time in the past!"

After spending most of the week harassing every Denver newspaper
and TV and radio station to mention Steamboat's early week powder
extravaganza, Intracourse marketers were more than pleased with the
massive showing of Denverites on the weekend.