New Members

2014 Shows

Deb says she thought she and her husband, David, had the perfect marriage, until a year ago, when she uncovered a secret world of sex and lies that she says he had been hiding for more than a decade. Deb says she suspects David of having at least 1,000 affairs with women all over the world -- the level of engagement ranging from sexting to emailing to physical contact -- and she has become obsessed with knowing the truth. David admits he had several inappropriate relationships with other women but claims he only had two physical affairs. He says he ended all contact with other women as soon as Deb found out, but she just won’t let it go. Deb admits she constantly digs for evidence that he’s still being unfaithful, including snooping on his phone and in his email, and searching for him on dating websites. She says she even had two computer professionals examine his computer for evidence -- what, if anything, did they find? David says his wife’s lack of trust and persistent prying is destroying their marriage. Deb says David has never given her a sincere apology, and she is struggling to get past the betrayal. Will she ever be able to trust her husband again? And, is there any hope of saving this marriage?

I am separated currently from my husband and had the same problem. My husband has narcicisstic behaviros and just could not stop with the lies and hiding women and the porn on the computers. After 16 years and three children I am finally in the stage of leaving him. It has been one of the most difficult things as with the woman on your episode. I was a stay at home mom and have no savings no money and no career. I helped my ex build a career in the private sector as well as becoming a captain in the air force. I was kicked out of our home jan 9th of this year. My ex decided to file paperwork so that I could not move our children out of state. He keeps telling me that I was the cause of the divorce because I could never forgive and forget the lies and the cheating and the hidden truths etc. He said it was me who had to forgive him for the marriage to work. But what is hard is that it wasn't an isolated incident it was a constant. I would find things all the time he lied and hid his behaviors online and the inappropriate interactions with women. Now that I am out and actually able to take care of myself he is angry at me. He tells me that it's funny I left for a job that pays less then minimum wage, he says that I bailed on our kids, that he feels sorry that my life is a lil hard now but maybe that will make me appreciate all that he gave me. He calls me delusional. He is absolutely an abuser! I was terrified to walk out of the marriage because I have no formal education, I have no career building experience and I had no money leaving the house. I made too many sacrifices that left me vulnerable to relying on my husband. I believed taking care of the kids and the house was important as well as my husband and that all backfired. If I have learned one thing is teaching my children to never rely on another person for basic needs. I want them to always be prepared to take care of themselves. To have a nest egg of their very own. I am one of the lucky ones that I was able to get out and get on my feet but my self esteem has taken a HUGE hit and now my ability to be able to communicate with my children and get thourgh this divorce is my only focus. I completely understood what this poor woman is going through when you are being subjected to emotional torture by a spouse and are told it's not their behavior that is the problem it's your inability to forgive their inappropriate behavior that is the problem. That can be very harmful!!! It's crazy but being in that situation you start to resent your spouse and believe if you show them how much they have wronged you that they will change.... THEY DON'T!!! I wasted 16 years of my life looking to prove him wrong and all he did was prove me right that he just could not change his behaviors!

I was so hoping Dr. Phil would tell you to ditch David. That is what you need to do. He does not deserve you. Find someone that loves you and appreciates you or find a way to enjoy living alone in peace. I won't be with him for 1 minute.

That's the reason I want my daughters to have a career, something of their own, to be able to stand on their own IF something like this happens to them. There are good men out there, just very, very few. Hopefully they'll meet one of the good ones, but if not,....well, they'll be able to make decisions NOT based on financial need but on integrity and emotional needs. I think most men (sadly), think of integrity as something to do with their jobs, their 9 to 5 jobs, and not something related to their human value, their families, friends.....maybe society is partly to blame. I wanted to make sure my son has sensitivities, plays instruments, is fair with his friends, and we talk so much about integrity....he is also very handsome and an athlete....and I think he will be one of the good ones, but to be honest, I won't know until he actually has a chance to prove it to himself when he has a family, a job, a mortgage, that's when life gets real and that's when integrity should be what's keeping you straight and sane.

I read your post again and I realized he had already left. Good! I understand your financial situation is dire, but please access legal channels. There are city programs out there. And see a lawyer as soon a possible.

Stop thinking about what he'll do. Try. He doesn't deserve you thinking about him. The day will come when you don't think about him or care....that will be the day you are free. And he may try to get u back then....but stay strong because he is a sick sick person, think of him as a mentally ill person, he thrives on the pain of others, having to hide and betray you is also an addiction....believe me when life with this woman gets.....real he will try to get back to you or start cheating on her....he can't stand...reality. He must live in a fantasy, constantly. He is mentally ill. And you are better off without this toxic, ill person in your life. And so are your children.

I wrote a Comment with the Title "this is my life" but I don't see it...anyways, if you found out so long ago he was an addict....a true addict at that, and in spite of it all, he hasn't stopped....you and your children need to go. He can not possibly be a good husband, father, friend,and he will probably lose his job and even go to jail. This has taken over his life and you can't stop it and make it all better. Even if he stopped....forever, how can you BE with him? He will be hunted by images, feelings, too much stuff, and you wiLl Be a constant reminder of everything that was wrong with him. You have tried, you had compassion, you were an amazing strong wife and mother....now is time for you to think about this critically and with some distance. Just leave, make sure you protect yourself financially, get paperwork, passwords I don't know but don't say a word until You are safe in that respect. Maybe go see a lawyer. Then just get your things and leave. Talk to your kids -if they don't already know, I assume they are young adults now-- and leave. Breathe. You WILL feel SO relieved you won't believe how you could possibly live like that. But you won't know until you physically leave....and get help. A good therapist, try a few because half the battle is finding the right one. And you'll know when you do. Don't compromise, find the one therapist that you like. I'm very sorry for your loss...of your dreams and your broken heart, I've been there. Now I honestly think there is nothing else for you on this marriage but pain. And you must survive. Pleaser remember....YOU.