I think, like the last one, that your transitions or text gaps or whatever you may call them are a little odd. For me, it seemed to disrupt the flow of the story for me. You could use horizontal rules instead of ####, but I'm sure you know that already.
Also, things seemed to move a tad too fast for my liking. The writing is good, so I want to get into it, but it was moving just a hair too fast (like tring to out run a tank on foot).
Also, I saw a couple careless mistakes in there... what's up with that? A couple more proofreading could have fixed that. Just a couple grammar issues.

Normally, at this point, I would say good job but leave the sequal writing to Bungie. But in this case, I think that you are qualified to do it. Let me explain for any watching newbies. You see, Jillybean thought about this, probably planned it, and then wrote it in a good way. Thus, he did a good job with it, and did not shame it like many others would have done. Take this to mind, all of you upcoming writers.

Overall, this is an exceptional piece of work. Not perfect, but one of those stories that comes close around these parts. Keep up the good work, but, don't stop improving yourself; one can never do that._________________-MCC

Very pretty. I have to agree with the moving too fast part. The one liners were a few scenes too close together. It's fine by me, though. This opening rush definitely helps to keep my interest. Less small talk, more easily handled.

Cronus is a nice touch. His interactions with Cortana are even better. Very nice with the AI interaction terminology.

Best Author? I dunno...But Wado better pick up the pace now that this series has started.

Now, there are some mistakes, but those can be fixed. And I have been a fan of Jillybean's work for some time. Best fanfic ever? I'm not gonna say anything on that, but one of the greats, why certainally. I'd be very careful on word choice.

But, I will say that she is one of the greatest writers, almost up to par with Nick and CoLd and EveofDestruction. I'd definially read the next ones._________________
"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures