I went back to my old home town over the weekend as there was a beer and band festival on (yay), and also it was the first opportunity I’d had since leaving ex to catch up with some old friends – some I hadn’t seen for the 2.5 years that I’d been with him.

One of those, I had a very very long chat with about the situation – as he’d been emailing her pretending it was me and I just wanted to clarify the things that had been said etc and that it hadn’t actually come from me (she guessed that anyway).

Best mate was with me at the time too, and was patiently listening to me go on about it, and when I said to other mate that I still felt guilty as hell about the way I left him and I just couldn’t get over that right now, best mate then said “Errr, not sure if I should tell you something or not”

Other best mate (male) was friends with ex on Facebook, only because it was his only chance of seeing what I was up to, and now – just to keep an eye incase he was bad mouthing me.

Anyway, all the time I was with ex, he never ever once changed his status on FB to “In a relationship”, it was always “Single” – even though when I was on FB (which me made me delete), I changed mine after about a month. Anyway, it turns out that last week, ex had changed his FB status to “In a relationship” and put a photo of them both as his profile pic!

Now, the fact that he has met someone hasn’t totally bothered me, what has bothered me was all the accusations of him saying “You’ll be sleeping around in no time if you leave me” and all the nasty comments he made about me and that he’d be single longer than me – also all the accusations he’d been giving me all throughout our time together and that if I didn't stay with him I'd have a very sad and lonely life.

When I told my Dad, he said that he didn’t wait – less than a month after I left and a big part of me thinking that maybe it had been going on before I left. Makes me wonder if his marriage was actually fully over when we met (according to him, they were separated but talking about divorce proceedings).

And according to a mutual friend at that event I went to a few weeks ago, he was heartbroken and devastated that I had left – which at the time made me feel guilty, but I’m not so sure I do feel guilty now – more angry that I let myself become a puppet for emotional abuse and a volatile relationship. Heartbroken and devastated my ar*e!

I jumped on the scales last night, and in the month and half since I've left, I've gained almost a stone!! Even someone at work has said that since I started here 4 weeks ago she can see I've gained weight.

I've now been put on anti depressants which I've been taking for a couple of weeks now and I'm also waiting to hear about some counselling which is offered by the NHS. I'm now improving in social situations, although I'm shaking every time I do anything. I still hear and see him in practically everything I do and that bothers me. Even worse I still get nightmares about the things he's said/done etc. And even with things I'm doing now - I hear his voice in nightmares calling me all names under the sun accusing me of allsorts, shouting at me and getting angry with me and I wake up scared stiff.

Have been back driving again for a month now which has been great as it's meant I can go out anywhere I want and not have to rely on Dad to take me here there and everywhere, and it's also meant I can start getting involved in things I used to love doing again too.

I still have a job - it's a 3 month temp job which is supposed to finish middle of December, but I'm keeping fingers crossed that they will want to keep me on.

I'm slowly re-connecting with friends who I was unable to spend time with when I was with him, some at first have been a bit "Why did you delete me off Facebook" with the hump, but when I explain that I didn't actually delete anyone in particular and that I had to delete my whole account, explain why, then they're a bit more understanding.

Living at Dads is driving me nuts, but sadly there's nothing I can do about that until I'm working more longer term / permanent. There are 6 adults, 2 children and 4 dogs living there, so it's not the most comfortable situation and I don't get much time to be by myself. I've started booking into a cheap local hotel for one night every other week, just so that I can chill out and veg out and even a pampering bath. Early night where I won't be disturbed etc.

Have got myself into a little bit of debt, but it's nothing I cannot manage - providing this job keep me on then I should have that cleared early next year, but I've just been treating myself to things and doing things that he wouldn't ever let me do.

So, some good things, some not so good, but I'm getting there - very slowly and I need to remember it's only been 2.5 months, and there are going to be some things that are harder to get over than others.