Would you like to do this to your friends but your office's HR department won't allow it? You'll get your chance at Jared's Epic Super Soaker Battle, an attempt to break the world record for the largest water toy fight at Toyota Stadium in Frisco.

The 8 Best Super Soakers to Use for the Epic Super Soaker Battle

Some of the new Super Soakers are so big and powerful that a kid would need Jack Lalanne's upper body strength just to hold them. And if you've got an oversized Super Soaker lying around that you haven't drenched anyone with yet, you'll get the chance at a world record attempt.

Super Soaker has come a long way from its humble beginnings in the '90s, when they only offered two types of guns: a big gun and a bigger gun. Here are some of the better options to soak your enemies with when you step onto the field of battle.

Toys R Us

1. Freezefire Blaster Water gun fights aren't just about cooling off in the brutal Texas heat. It's about dominating your opponent by leaving your liquid mark all over them (cough). It's a non-lethal way of accessing that neanderthal part of your brain that wants to club your enemies over the head without facing felony battery charges. Sometimes just getting them wet isn't enough to satisfy your domination complex. You want them to shiver in your presence, and that's what makes the Freezefire Blaster so useful. Not only can it shoot water up to 38 feet away, but the opening for the water tank is big enough to hold a handful of ice cubes that will turn your watery ammo into ice cold napalm.

2. Double Drench Blaster Sometimes a single barrel isn't enough to get the job done. You need at least two barrels. You could duct tape two Super Soakers together or get this double barreled boomstick splasher. The Double Drench Blaster is styled like a sawed-off shotgun, but instead of spitting buckshot, it spits out six continuous streams of water at your opponent for a distance up to 30 feet.

3. Tornado Scream Sending a straight stream of water toward your enemy's exfoliated mug is so ordinary. You might as well take a garden hose and put your finger in front of the nozzle to shoot water at your opponents. The Tornado Scream offers a unique way to soak your enemies. The barrel has a rotating nozzle that sends a messy, twisted stream of water up to 35 feet. It's powered with a pump on the front of the gun and can also hold a huge amount of water for such a small weapon.

4. Arctic Shock Water Blaster Not every weapon in the Super Soaker arsenal can hold a handful of ice cubes without gumming up the works. The Arctic Shock Water Blaster is a pump-action pistol that can hold 24 fluid ounces of water and comes with an ice drum that can ice down your ammo. The ice drum can also be used with other Super Soakers hanging from your ammo belt that require a clip.

5. Hydro CannonIf you're looking to make your presence known before a single shot is fired, bigger is always better. This rare collectible Super Soaker is the closest that mankind will come to a water-based IED. It sends a massive stream of water at your target from up to 25 feet away and also comes with a blast shield to keep you from getting soaked by return fire.

6. Breach Blast Then again, if you don't want people to think you're pulling a Trump and overcompensating, maybe simple is the way to go. The Breach Blast may look like a standard sidearm but it can do a lot with very little. It holds up to 50 fluid ounces of water and can fire a stream of water as far away as 38 feet. It's also ergonomically designed to be held like a rifle even though it's shaped like a pistol, so you'll look like more of a badass when you empty your arsenal in someone's face.

7. Han Solo Blaster Water guns are just like any fashion must. They can help you say things that no other accessory can, and if your goal is to look like an awesome space smuggler, then this is the weapon for you. The Han Solo Blaster is shaped just like Solo's trusty sidearm and even though it can't hold much water, it offers a stunning degree of accuracy. It can shoot water up to 20 feet away.

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SUCCESS!

You can't go wrong with the classics. This powerful model started the Super Soaker line and made the toy a '90s phenomenon. It still holds up, even against more modern models that put style over substance. It holds 50 fluid ounces of water in two tanks and can soak your enemies if you're a short distance from them. They've since become collectible items and can be hard to find in good working condition; it's worth bringing yours to the fight if you've got one, just so you can soak in the looks you'll get from people who miss the one they had as a kid.

Danny Gallagher has been a regular contributor to the Dallas Observer since 2014. He has also written features, essays and stories for MTV, the Chicago Tribune,Maxim, Cracked, Mental_Floss, The Week, CNET and The Onion AV Club.

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