Noisy neighbours who don’t give a fuck can be punched in the mouth

Noisy neighbours who don’t give a fuck can be punched hard in the mouth under new United Nations rules.

The news comes as the amount of noisy neighbours who don’t give a fuck reaches its highest level for decades.

Director of the Department for Noisy Neighbours Who Don’t Give a Fuck, Jerry Grimgrits told GrumpyFuckers:

“I had it this morning. Some fucker pulled up outside my neighbour’s house at 6am and instead of getting his fat arse out of the car to go knock on my neighbour’s door, this fat fuck just sat in his car, tooting his horn until my fucking neighbour appeared. Then, when my neighbour did appear, the fucker started shouting across the yard at the fat fucker in the car instead going over to him and asking him quietly. The pair of fuckers then had a long and loud conversation about fuck all, making sure that they woke every other fucker in the street. If this law had been passed yesterday, I would have been out there punching the fuckers in the mouth.”

The news has been welcomed by others. Shift-worker Sheila Largecalves said:

“I hate my neighbour. Always making some kind of noise. I’m looking forward to punching the noisy fucker in the mouth.”