DETROIT – Out-of-work Americans are signing up in record numbers for a new union, the Union of Unemployed Americans.

DETROIT – Out-of-work Americans are signing up in record numbers for a union, the Union of Unemployed Americans.

Thirty-one million Americans are unemployed. The daily barrage of heartbreaking unemployment statistics ceases to shock. The economy does not seem to be rebounding and there seems to be no “hope” anymore for the jobless. A recent Gallup poll shows 61 percent of the underemployed aren’t even hopeful they’ll find work within a month.

Enter the UUA.

James Bontempo, an unemployed factory worker from Dearborn, MI has started a national union, The Union of Unemployed Americans, which hopes to bring together the legions of unemployed. Bontempo said, “Our mission is simple. We want jobs, and we want them now!” Bontempo said that while the unemployed continue to wait for the government to get their act together (which they now fear will never happen) they are organizing, getting ready to fight for their rights.

The UUA has put together a list of demands for the unemployed. These demands include (but are not limited to):

David Axelrod, the Senior Adviser to President Obama, told WWN that the government was already working on providing all of the items on the UUA list. “We should be able to give the unemployed all these things by the end of 2011, as long as the unemployed that receive the benefits promise to vote for President Obama in 2012. We scratch your back, you scratch Barack’s back.”

When asked about providing the unemployed what they REALLY want (jobs!), Axelord said, “Huh, what did you say?”

Axelrod then explained how the government plans to provide benefits to the unemployed, “We are going to raise taxes on the top 5% of wage-earners in the U.S. They will taxed at a 90% rate now. That should do it.” Axelrod and Rahm Emanuel, President Obama’s Chief of Staff, met with Bontempo and UUA executives yesterday at the White House. Bontempo, a big bear of a man, spoke to reporters after meeting.

“These people in the White House are morons and pansies – plan and simple. I wouldn’t let them scrap sh*t off my boot. If they won’t get us jobs, they better give us what we want. I’m not a man who takes no for an answer. On behalf of the 31 million unemployed, I say get us jobs or meet our demands. Now!”

The UUA already has signed up 12 million unemployed workers, which makes it the biggest union in the country. The AFL-CIO has 11 million workers and SEIU has 2.2 million workers. Bontempo said, “We plan to have all 31 million signed up by the end of 2010. We mean business.”

President Obama is now scheduling a speech to be delivered at the first annual UUA national meeting in Riverside, California on September 14th.

In March of this year, another union for the unemployed was formed, UCubed. This union works to help the 31 million unemployed Americans organize, work together and get back to work, as well. UCubed members are asked to “form a cube, and multiply your political and economic power by 6. Then by 36. Eventually, by 31 million. Take Control.”