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Taliban launch comeback tour with huge bang

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, or in this case ‘a bicameral national legislature, comprising of two chambers’, it turns out it’s not. Like a blast from the past, or at least the detonation of a car bomb, the world’s favourite pantomime villains have returned with a cover-version of the 90’s Mullah-classic – ‘Boom! Boom! Shake Shake The Room’.

While a myriad of aging rock bands reforming to cash in on this Summer’s festivals, only the Taliban can be said to be ‘keeping it real’. Their tour manager commented: ‘When I say the long-haired anarchists are back, I don’t mean Led Zeppelin. These boys have better pyrotechnics than Blur, less emotional baggage than Fleetwood Mac and better Pashtun tribal codes than The Who’.

Launching an attack on the Afghanistan parliament is just one of a series of publicity stunts to re-boot the Taliban franchise and generate Facebook ‘likes’ for their up and coming ‘Back in black’ tour. Many fans had feared that they had become eclipsed by newer boy bands like IS or 1D, who appeal to impressionable teenage girls with their jihadist ballads, Salafist dance routines and floppy hair-dos.

Their manager promised: ‘Naturally we’ll be playing some of our golden oldies; we’ll be taking it right back – right back to the Middle Ages. It’s going to be a hectic tour – we’ll be human trafficking, oppressing women and playing Glastonbury’s John Peel Stage. The Taliban will be putting the fun back into fundamentalism and ritually beheading Miley Cyrus the first chance we get’.