Do not take umbrage to what
I say here, I do it so we have a common baseline of reasonable expatiations. I
mean no offence, do not take one. :)

Also:

I no longer am willing to
work on any e-bike, e-scooter, gas powered bicycle, whizzer, bolt-on two stroke
or 4 stroke engine etc.

If your bike/craft is
motorized in any way I will not work on it, even to fix a flat tire.

I tried to work on these for
years and most of the time I had a bad experiences with them, so no more.

Q: "But I can get a bike new for 85
dollars, why would I pay that much for a used bike?"

A: To many, a bike is a bike is bike, nothing
could be further from the truth. While there are 200 dollar shoes and 9 dollar
shoes, 250,000 dollar cars and 9,000 dollar cars, there are 20,000 bikes and 85
dollar bikes, you're paying for something, not all things are the same. For
many, a department store bike will be fine, however if you do more than ride it
up and down your block once a week, it will start to fall apart. A bicycle
is a tool, there are good ones and bad ones. Cheap tools will perform poorly and
last a short amount of time while a good quality tool will give you good
performance and be long lasting. Buying a new 85.00 Wal-Mart bike will cost you
more in the long run than buying a 125.00 used bicycle that has been
professionally maintained. Many of the bikes I sell for 85-150 dollars were
300-750 dollars new, so you're getting something that works well for a fraction
of the price. The dept store klunker will fall apart in a scant few weeks. How
do I know this? I hear it all the time. I hear that someone just bought a bike
at Target and the cranks came loose or the rear wheel came loose or the brakes
don't work, this is a daily routine for me. Now, one can take a cheap bike and
whip it into shape but the quality of the components will limit how far any
wrenching can go, a pig is still a pig, lipstick or not. What are the common
failings of these low end bikes? The crank bearing races are often loose or are
forced into the frame and cross threaded. What this means is the cranks will
become loose and destroy the bearings, because the bearing race was installed
crooked, it is forever jammed in place and will destroy bearing after bearing no
matter how many times you fix it. The rear wheels also fail because the factory
uses a soft metal for the race (a race is the thing or cup that holds the
bearings) in the hub and the bearings are made from hardened steel, the effect
of the hard bearing wearing against the softer race grinds the race down until
it falls apart, ruining the rim. The wheel will have to have a new hub laced
into it or be replaced.

Beaten but
usable.
Doneski.

The other factor is the people that assemble these bikes have
a minimum quota that they have to meet or get paid by the piece, so they have incentive
to knock them out a quick as possible. There is no fine adjustment happening,
there is a high likelihood that the guy at Wal-Mart was assembling BB-Q's twenty
minutes before he was assembling your bike. Either way, I'll be seeing
you.

Q: I need a seatpost, it's about
"this" big.

A: One of the the things that is not
standardized on bicycles is seatposts. There are around 20 + different sizes and
you'll need your EXACT size to fit right. Guessing DOES NOT WORK. You'll need
the old seatpost or the bike to get the correct size. A lose seatpost will ruin
your frame and forcing a larger one will ruin the frame as well. This seems to
be a constant point of contention but you can't argue with the facts. Save time
and anguish, bring the bike in, solve the problem. The end.

Q: When I ride, I get saddle sore. Will a bigger seat help?

A: Ride more. A bigger seat will help a little but you really
need to get some saddle time, this will get you used to riding and thus less
saddle soreness. If you're not riding for at least a 1/2 hour three times a
week, you're not going to reap much benefit from it. If you have not been
riding for a long time and are making a transition from a large seat (a lazy boy
or the like) to a small seat (any bike seat) you will experience discomfort.
Cycling is pain, plain and simple. You will be uncomfortable, this will never go
away entirely, you will only get faster and get used to it. You want to stay
comfortable, stay on your couch. If your childhood was anything like mine you
got on your bike and rode all day. You rode everywhere, it was what you did. You
can get there again but don't expect it to happen quickly or easily, if you've
spent the last 20 years being a couch potato you have to undo 20 of being sedentary,
it's work. However, the benefits are great. I'm very biased being that I own a
bike shop but you will have more energy, feel better, heal faster, get sick
less, and still be able to fit in a t-shirt you had in high school. The plusses
of riding bikes are well documented. Bikes to not ride themselves however you
will have to put your time in like anything worth doing.

Q: My back hurts when I ride my mountain bike.

A: One, if you ride more, your body will adjust and you'll
feel the pains of the road less and less. Secondly, if you still want to do
something about it, I recommend ditching the straight bar (great for navigating
dirt roads and bumps) to a swept back bar (that puts your hands in their
normal relaxed position). You'll usually have to re-cable the bike.

Q: What is my bike worth?

A: What someone is willing to pay you for it. There is no Kelly
blue book for bikes, used bikes of no particular caliber are not worth much
and "collectable" bikes have no set value either. I pay next to
nothing for bikes because they come easier to me than most people so my marginal
utility for a given bicycle is less than a private citizen. I recommend you go
on line and do your homework if you want top dollar for your bike. E-bay is
generally an inflated price, so don't use it as your sole guide. Keep in mind
that what you paid for it and sentimental value do not factor in.

Also, if you are contemplating trying
to wheel and deal in vintage bikes I'd recommend you stop now before it's too
late. The amount of minutia that you would have to collect in your head to make
intelligent and informed purchases in order to reap a profit will require so
much time and effort on your part that it would be easier to get a four year
degree, achieve world peace, get dogs and cats to live together in harmony etc.
In other words, don't waste your time, you'll make more working a fast food job
than you ever will flipping collectable bikes. The amount of time you'd have to
invest going to yard sales, swap meets etc when you add it all up the
"score" you just got wound up netting you 3 bucks an hour. You think
I'm joking but I'm not. Also there are so many people trying to do this and so
may kinds of bike nerd collectors each one having their prized objects, the
amount of information is staggering. At the end of the day I can easily sell 100
bikes at 65.00 dollars each or go through endless tire kicking to sell one
500.00 sting-ray, making a 100 people happy or one collector-nerd happy. I've
heard of that American pickers show, I don't have a TV but just because some guy
who gets paid to spend a television networks money on rusty junk does not mean
that 1978 Schwinn Varsity rusting in your backyard is worth a mint. Go get a
real job.

Q: Are all Schwinns worth money?

A: No. Schwinn made many different kinds of bikes in the USA
before they went overseas in the 1980's. Only some of the bikes they produced
have a value to collectors. Varsities and Colligates are on the bottom of the
barrel, girls bikes of any kind are low in the pecking order. Keep in mind that
an original, unmolested bike in poor condition will fetch more than one that has
be redone with non-factory parts and paint.

Q: Do you get "x" collectable bike in and how
often?

A: I get this one a lot. I wield no control over what my
inventory is from day to day. You cannot open up a catalogue and order vintage
bikes. If something is rare back in the day then it will be even harder to find
now. So for example, you're not going to find a 26" Cooks bros bmx because
they only made a few of them for a few years in the 1970's and 80's. It's not going to
happen, this stuff does not just wander into my shop on a regular basis. Not to
mention that collector bikes are a small portion of my business and I make the
majority of my money from low-end bikes. I'll sell 50 used mountain bikes before
I sell one sting-ray, so I don't go out of my way to find this stuff. I'd say
for every 300 bikes I get, I'll get one rare gem. High end bikes are
similar because the people that buy them are aficionados and they know what they
have and plan to keep it, so you don't find Italian road bikes for 10 bucks at a
yard sale and thus they seldom are hanging on my wall with a price tag on
them. Sometimes I get things, most of the time not but I cannot pull things
out of my hat. If I don't have a given old bike or part then I have no way to
know if or when I will. My crystal ball is a t the shop and the guys not
returning any of my phone calls so...yeah.

I recommend the following:

e-bay. expensive but there it is.

Long Beach Bicycle swap meet. A collectors market, so
expect to pay. Last time I went it was 10 bucks to get in and the pickings were
slim.

Craig's list.

You'll have to go to countless garage sales and swap meets to
find your treasure, it's hard work but it is the only way.

Q: Chinese Junk! Why?

A: All bikes come from China or Taiwan, get over it.
The $99.00 klunker from wal-mart and the $6000.00 full suspension mountain bike
with hydraulic disc brakes, they may even come from the same factory. Bicycles
cannot be made in the US; it's too costly. USA builders make custom bikes that
are usually in the 1200.00 dollar range for a frame and fork. I
make a BMX cruiser frame for around 600.00. Not custom but low production,
the same bike would cost me around 75.00 if it were made overseas, the materials
cost for my frame is over 200.00. That's the big difference. Americans have the highest standard
of living in the entire world, do you really think they will take jobs for 8
bucks an hour so the bicycle manufacture can sell a bike for a hundred bucks?
No. We have labor laws and environmental laws that make the manufacture of mass
produced bicycles out of the question. China does not, they are one of the most
polluted countries in the entire world however. Bikes and parts used to be made
in Japan and in 1985 our government with a few others tried to increase the
value of the Yen in relation to our dollars (the g-5 summit) this made the cost
of producing high quality but affordable bicycles and components out of the
question. It was more commonly know as "yen-shock". This forced the
Japanese to take their manufacturing to other places, namely Taiwan and China.
Us Americans as avid consumers, wanted things cheaper and cheaper so guess what?
You got it. Frankly if you buy a bike from Target or Wal-Mart you get exactly
what you paid for: junk. Good bikes start in the 750+ dollar range. A 350.00
bike is only a step above the ones you get at the department store. You can use
this stuff as long as you realize that it will break and break often. Building a
bike here means huge costs in labor, taxes, infrastructure, and environmental
fees and constraints. The costs to manufacture the tubing for the frames, the
forging, stamping, casting, painting , chroming, of frames and parts would be
huge. This would make a $99.00 beach cruiser cost about 650.00 just to have the
"Made in USA" sticker on it. Inner tubes would be 15.00 each instead
of 5.00, and so on. And who says it will be made better? How many people do you
know that do just the bare minimum at their workplace as not to get fired?
Exactly. So enough of this then, deal with it.

Are there standards?

Yes. No. I see people's face twist up
in perplexing contortions when I have to break down all the
"standards" in the bike industry. It sucks. All it does if create
confusion. I once posted "An open letter to the Bike Industry" on a
web forum and all kinds of verbal abuse from keyboard cowboys. Here it is:

An open letter to
the bike industry

Dear Bike Industry,

I’m beginning to feel that you don’t have myself and my
fellow rider’s best interest at heart, all you seem to be interested in is
creating new “standards” and try to force people to buy them under the
auspice that the new “standard” is better than before. I would like to think
that most cyclists are a savvy bunch, but we do glom onto new tech with
eagerness, a fault that you (the bicycle industry) seems more than happy to
exploit.

Every year there’s a new bottom bracket “standard”. Something
becomes a standard once it is in wide, common, and accepted use like a square
taper bb. I have never felt the need to put any of these new, false standards on
my bike instead of using a tried and true standard. I think you need to think
about how you label all of these pointless bottom bracket options out there. The
advantages are nominal to the rider, and only serve to create more niche markets
and confuse new riders that get overwhelmed by all the “standards” that have
been made. Shame on you. The people that can really gain any benefit if at all
from any of these alleged improvements are pro racers, and pro races get their
bikes and parts for free, we, the majority of the bike buying public have to pay
for our stuff. Did my square tape bb suddenly stop working after years of loyal
service and 1000’s of miles? No, it did not. My mountain bike is old for sure
and my friends that have newer bikes are still behind me just like they are
before they had a new bike with all of the new “improvements” in technology,
I expected them to leave me in the dust being that I have only 21 speeds and
they 30, but alas it did not happen. I also find it funny that I having 21
speeds never once thought I could make this traverse or climb that section of
trail if I only had some more gears, and now you try and sell me less gears in
the form of a 2 x10 drive train for more money than my 21 gears, do you take me
for a fool? Shame on you bike industry. I can go on, how lame and pointless 31.8
bars are and how ugly they look, or how a 200 dollar seat post that drops
can’t beat a 10 buck quick release seat post clamp and to take the 10 seconds
to take in the view before you drop in is worth way more than another lever
do-hickey on your bike, are you really that lazy?And the 29 wheels, really? Every time I see some poor 5.5” guy on a
29er, I just feel like the bike industry is made up of carneys and we are it’s
willing dupes. And these massive head tube bearings they look like the wheel
bearings in my van, there’s no way you can convince me I “need” that junk.
At some point I just feel like you think I’m an idiot they will buy anything
that you put before me, I think you think so little of us as a group that one
can keep changing things endlessly chasing one’s tail in the pointless quest
of improving something that needs no improvement, even the bike magazines are
getting weary of your cavalcade of falsehoods, they are usually your ever loyal
heralds but that is even changing.

I turned away from mountain biking magazines for few years and when I
came back, mountain bikes no longer existed. There are xc, all mountain, free
ride, downhill, etc. but there are no “mountain bikes” anymore. I still own
and use a mountain bike, I understand that by creating labels and slicing the
pie in ever-smaller slices you can perhaps sucker someone into buying a bunch of
bikes that only get used for one type of trail. I guess that’s clever
marketing and sales go up, but I think in doing so you alienate the beginner
that will certainly be confused and intimidated by all the jargon and techo-babble
when they go to their local shop and want a “mountain bike” Shame on you
bike industry, I think you need a time-out to think about what you’ve done.