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Friday, June 27, 2014

A New Name

I think of it as "the scarlet W". Like Hester Prynne was forced to walk around with her red A emblazoned on her clothing, I sometimes feel like there's a red W on mine.

WIDOW.

It's a word that at 33, and at 28 when it became my reality, I never thought I'd associate with myself.

It's a box that gets checked on a form...with a little sting each time.

Yesterday was my 5 year wedding anniversary. What a strange thing...when I never celebrated even a 1 year anniversary with Isaac. But our wedding day was truly the BEST day of my life. I loved everything about that day. When I think about getting married again, I can't imagine doing the whole big wedding thing. My first wedding was perfect. I wouldn't change a thing.

But, I do want to get married again.

I want to check the box that says "married".

I want to make dinner for someone and take spontaneous road trips together and go to the movies and kiss them goodnight.

People frequently say to me -- "you're so strong" -- but I am not.

I am not strong.

I am weak.

God is strong.

I sometimes give that word -- widow -- too much power in my life. I let it make me believe that it's the only box I'll ever get to check on the "marital status" forms.

And it might be.

But it's not the only word that defines me. It's not the only word God calls me.

Thank you for pourig your heart out to us sister. Such a great reminder that we need to stop giving power to the labels society places on us, and we need to start believing the names God gives us. Praying for you this morning sister, for God to continue giving you strenght and for God to give you your hearts desire. God bless you.