When poet Carl Van Doren was asked if it was hard to write, he answered, "It's Harder Not To."
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Martin Hill Ortiz author's blog.

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Friday, June 30, 2017

Having previously undertaken to present the rankings of television mystery shows of the 1960s and 1970s, I thought I'd complete this quixotic quest by taking on the 1980s. This will be the last decade. I believe a number of the series presented below were down-rated because they debuted at the nexus of the availability of the internet in the 1990s. (IMDB was launched in 1990, an early online presence.)

Among the sins of the internet is that people who have strong, often uninformed opinions have come to believe that all opinions are equal*. Anonymity helps give voice to vitriol and I believe the recent past has suffered. Everyone wants to express their opinions and those views for good or bad are exaggerated.

In contrast to the 60s and 70s lists, here you will find a number of much beloved programs scoring lowly. Cult programs score highly. Of course, ofttimes cult status is deserved and some of the most highly-rated cult programs on this list are quite good. I have not seen many other high-ranking entries but have become intrigued by their descriptions.

My cut-off for the 1980s were those with at least 150 votes, and even with this higher number, the list greatly expanded over the 60s and 70s. As before, I left off TV movies, and mysteries with fantasy or sci-fi elements. I did include miniseries even when the total episodes were two.

There was a painful number of shows with a technologically-advanced car or helicopter helping to solve the crime. I cut these out. Beyond bordering on science fiction, they seemed to be mostly adventure rather than mystery. For this decade I grouped together series with multiple entries such as Miss Marple.

Two worthwhile trends in the 1980s. A lot of the classic mystery detectives made their debuts or were reincarnated, Marple, Dalgliesh, Marlowe, Morse, Holmes, etc. Gangster-themed shows are among the highest-rated. Perhaps this is a carryover from the popularity of The Godfather.

Not having seen Froutopia, the show with the number one ranking, I will not dismiss its status. I will say, that there were no other programs from Greece which made the list. Similarly, the number seven spot is held by an Iranian series. Iran has certainly made an international splash in recent years for their film-making.

Popular American series did poorly in the rankings in this decade.

This is a decade in which I personally watched little television. I was busy getting my PhD for several years and had little time for outside interests. I still have yet to see an episode of MacGyver, the show with the most votes.

I plan to do another post, to sort out the 60s through the 80s and separate American and British and look at the leaders of the three decades combined.

1. Froutopia (1985–1988) 9.1, Votes: 266
Greek. Puppets act out topical mysteries in this obscure show with a fanatical following.

2. Masterpiece Mystery (1980–continuing) 9.0, Votes: 583
British mysteries and Edward Gorey. This series showcased a lot of other great productions some of which are ranked individually below.

3. The Jeremy Brett Sherlock Holmes set of series. Two series were in the eighties (listed below) and two were in the nineties (not listed). The novels became TV movies (not listed).

a. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1984–1985) 8.8, Votes: 14,897
Jeremy Brett and David Burke in the canonic of the Holmes television series.
b. The Return of Sherlock Holmes (1986–1988), 8.8, Votes: 6,396
Each of the Jeremy Brett series is worth watching.

a. The Beiderbecke Affair (1985) 8.8, Votes: 417
A jazz-lover and an environmentalist stumble into evidence of corruption and a lot of eccentric characters.
b. The Beiderbecke Tapes (1987) 8.7, Votes: 254
A jazz-lover and an environmentalist stumble into evidence of corruption and a lot of eccentric characters.
c. The Beiderbecke Connection (1988) 8.7, Votes: 224
A jazz-lover and an environmentalist help a refugee and stumble on to more eccentric characters.

20. The Russian version of Sherlock Holmes. Two other installments of this series appeared in the 1970s, along with five made-for-TV movies. One more installment would appear in 2006.

a. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson: The Treasures of Agra (1983) 8.5, Votes: 1,831
The well-regarded Russian series which began in the seventies, continues.
b. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson: The Twentieth Century Approaches (1986) 8.1, Votes: 1,663
More of the popular Russian Sherlock series.

21. The Jewel in the Crown (1984) 8.5, Votes: 1,570
Follows the story of a man unjustly arrested for rape.

73. Return to Eden (1983) 7.4, Votes: 967
Australia. After her husband tries to murder her by pushing her into a crocodile, Rebecca Gilling plots revenge. Remade as a TV series also starring Rebecca Gilling.

74. The Murder of Mary Phagan (1988) 7.4, Votes: 555
From the true story of the miscarriage of justice and those who tried to prevent it.

120. Navarro (1989–2006), 5.9, Votes: 354
French. It is hard being police in a country with 246 different kinds of cheese.

121. Police Academy: The Series (1988–1989) 5.7, Votes: 600
Comic nouveau cops. Not to be confused with the even less well-regarded Police Academy: The Series (1997-98).

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Martin Hill Ortiz is the author of Never Kill A Friend, Ransom Note Press.

Never Kill A Friend, Ransom Note Press

Never Kill A Friend is available for purchase in hard cover format and as an ebook.The
story follows Shelley Krieg, an African-American detective for the
Washington DC Metro PD as she tries to undo a wrong which sent an
innocent teenager to prison. Hard cover: Amazon USKindle: Amazon USHard cover: Amazon UKKindle: Amazon UKBarnes and Noble

Friday, June 16, 2017

I am the very model of a modern major Twitterer.
I've several tons of grudges and no one could be bitterer.
I see everywhere conspiracies, historical, hysterical.
I announce them with misspellings and blame those on my clerical.
Okay, maybe not the trains, at least my scandals run on time:
Come five-thirty every weekday—but I haven't done a crime.
My cabinet just loves me, singing praises loud and glorious.
So forget that B.I.G., you see, I am the new Notorious.

My spacey doctor tells me that my vigor is the bigliest.
I love to chase the girls, most especially the giggliest.
Those pageant girls run fast but still that's leaving lots for me.
I know that even friends like Putin are burning, he's so hot for me.
I've got screw-pulls but not scruples, so I grab 'em by their pelvises.
I've a swagger to my hips, you'd swear that they were Elvis's.
I'm so devilishly handsome: I've a painting like that Dorian.
(And I stole some sports reports off that kid with the Delorean.)

I'm the greatest ever Christian by anyone's criterion.
Or else I've joined a cult: I've been told I'm Presbyterian.
I decided on this creed once I had my soul examined:
If Mammon is your God then you can serve God and Mammon.
The Middle East is easy, I banished all the growing fear
And brought about world peach by pressing on a glowing sphere.
But the always-lying press won't proclaim my deeds victorious.
So forget that B.I.G., you see, I am the new Notorious.

I was blinded by the czar and his pictorial pectoreals.
He helped me cheat on my exams at the college electoreals.
Did I say I brought world peach by pressing on a globe?
But Congress didn't care, they began a Russian probe.
I canned that giant Comey for continuing to fight me
And then I raised a bar and said: you must be this tall to indict me.
Sure, Congress wants its hearings but I'm hearing they're not serious.
They're all serving at my pleasure like I'm emperor Tiberius.

Still there are some of those out there who'd choose to lock me in a pillory.
Hey, losey-losers hear the news: the worstest crook is Hillary.
She exposed us to the terrors of open-server email crimes.
But her greatest of all threats was being-born-a-female crime.
The continent of Mexico is unlawfully so alien
They're unlicensed to be humans and illegally mammalian.
I'll deal with their escaping rapists by bargaining so skillfully
They'll pay me for a wall, both fully and so willfully.

I am the double-plus most genius ever, I read that in a story in
Breitbart (the brightest Simpson), the supremest of historians.
I guess I could try and spell-chek, but that style is not o' me.
They say my grammar would improve if I got a brainiotomy.
And so I soldier on, forever predisential.
My words might make no sense, but still they are e-ssen-tial.
I suppose I could try harder but that would be laborious.
So forget that B.I.G., you see, I am the new Notorious.

A brief guide on some of the in-jokes for those who do not follow presidential minutiae.

"Lasting peach" and "predisential" are among the recent typos from the White House.
The character Biff from Back to the Future was based on the 80s Donald Trump.
James Comey, ex-director of the FBI is 6 foot 8.
In a meeting with Presbyterian clergy, Trump asked whether Presbyterian is Christian.

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Martin Hill Ortiz is the author of Never Kill A Friend, Ransom Note Press.

Never Kill A Friend, Ransom Note Press

Never Kill A Friend is available for purchase in hard cover format and as an ebook.The
story follows Shelley Krieg, an African-American detective for the
Washington DC Metro PD as she tries to undo a wrong which sent an
innocent teenager to prison. Hard cover: Amazon USKindle: Amazon USHard cover: Amazon UKKindle: Amazon UKBarnes and Noble

Friday, June 9, 2017

June 15th is the deadline. No entry fee. Here is a repeat of the announcement and rules.

A prize of $100 (US) will be awarded to the author who best completes the short story, The Final Confession,
the first 1,100 words of which are presented below. Alternative prize
formats are presented after the story. The total length should be
between 2,000 and 5,000 words. The
completed short story will be submitted as co-authors to a journal of
the winner's choosing. All proceeds from future sales will be divided
evenly between the co-authors.

Rights: The writing and ideas from all
non-winning submissions will continue to belong to those who enter. [You
can finish the story, then go back and write a new first half and then it's all yours.]

Fees: There is nofee to enter.

Judging
the Winner: I will be the judge. I will look for the piece that best
dramatically completes the story with the highest quality of writing.
Several further considerations are presented at the end of the piece.

I
reserve the right to edit the final story to maintain consistency in
tone. Although Detective Shelley Krieg is a character from my novel, Never Kill A Friend, it is not necessary to use other characters or info from the book.

How
to Enter: To enter, include your conclusion to the story in the body of
an email to mdhillortiz@gmail.com by 11:59 p.m., June 15th, 2017, EST
along with word count, your name, address, phone, and email. Include the
words "contest entry" in the email subject line. Do not send your
submission as an attachment. The winner will be announced July 15th.

Martin Hill Ortiz

The Final Confession

Only one thing could be worse than having a boyfriend whose idea of a
romantic Valentine's date consisted of a dinner at Arby's: being stood
up.
Shelley Krieg sawed at the papery meat between her teeth with the
pinched end of a soda straw. She had ordered a Junior sandwich to tamp
down the hour-long anger in her belly, an agitation which intensified
with the waiting. And waiting. No phone calls, no messages, his phone
off-line. The sandwich merely stoked the fire in her stomach. Horse radish: a taste that gave a bad name to both horse and radish. Even after sipping a bit more of the melted ice puddle from the bottom of her cup, her mouth felt dry. Why does anyone eat here? She looked around. Families happily munching away. A priest and some nuns seemingly enjoying their meals.
She thought back to her Catholic days. The Sisters of Charity, Mother
Teresa's group, ran her school. She once asked them whether they worried
about living in a rough ghetto. They laughed and told her that D.C. was
tame. They'd worked in the back alleys of Calcutta.
She wiped off her lipstick, buttoned up her collar, and tugged down the
fringe of her red skirt to just below her knees. Feeling less sexy, she
felt less rejected.
Her eyes wandered. Across the street, a car pulled up, double-parking
in front of a liquor store. The driver, a skinny punk, wore a black ski
mask topping his crown. With a jolt, her police instincts kicked in and
her every muscle tensed.
The driver twisted the plastic orange cap off of a play pistol. Even at
this distance Shelley recognized it as a toy, but what she saw didn't
matter: this was still armed robbery. Bolting from her seat, she knocked over her soda cup and hurried for the door, an action that elicited a crowd of stares.
She had dressed for a night out—albeit, a cheap night out—and not for
after-hours duty: her service belt and pistol lay stowed in her car. As
she shouldered out the door, she took out her phone and speed-dialed
dispatch.
"This is Detective Krieg, MPD. We've an armed robbery in progress at B
& B Liquors, Good Hope and Sixteenth. Make certain you tell them, 'Officer on scene.'"
She emphasized the last part because she was out of her district and
when the responding officers arrived they would encounter her: an
unknown tall black woman with a gun in hand.
She tweeted her car, flung open the door and reached inside, unbuckling
her service automatic from its holster. She dumped the contents of her
purse on the car seat and grabbed her shield, pinning it to her vest.
And then she stood still, spending a quiet moment before heading into
battle, ginning up her courage. It's a toy gun, she reminded herself. I saw the perp take the top off. But what if he put a plastic cap on a real gun to carry it around, making it seem fake? No, she told herself: I saw a toy, I know the difference. It had to be a toy—but what will I do if he points it at me? She knew what she would do. Then she recognized a new horror: what if I have to explain in court why I was eating dinner alone on Valentine's Day? At Arby's. She held her gun low as she crossed the street.Blam. A shot, a roar, from inside the liquor store. What the hell?
A second blast. Shelley drew back from the door and to the side, out of
the line of fire. "Police!" she called out. "Toss your weapon and come
out with your hands raised."
The door banged open and the punk staggered out. He clutched the toy
gun against a gaping wound in his belly. He made it only a few steps
before nosediving against the sidewalk. A moment later, a man appeared,
brandishing a shotgun. Shelley aimed her gun at him. "Put your weapon down." "This is my store," the man said. His eyes were wild with adrenaline.
"The crime is over. You do not need that weapon," Shelley said. And she
didn't need a frenzied hero with a twitchy trigger finger. "Set it
down." She demonstrated by lowering her own weapon.
The man looked around as if to find someone who would support his
rights. The few gawkers maintained their distance. He set the shotgun
down beside him. "Call 911. Ask for an ambulance," Shelley said. "No," The owner said, folding his arms.
Shelley dropped on one knee beside the man on the sidewalk. She freed
the toy gun from his hand and tossed it aside to make sure the
responding officers wouldn't think he was armed. When they arrived. If
they arrived. Where are they?
It seemed as though half the man's blood had already spilled out: a
rivulet from the broad puddle stretched to the gutter. Shelley rolled
him over and pressed her hands against the bleeding. The man huffed
against his ski mask. She pulled it back to allow him to breathe. From a
distance, she'd judged him to be a punk kid. Up close, she could see he
had a baby-face but with those creases that came in one's late
thirties. The victim stared at her with desperation, mouth open, lips
popping like those of a guppy.
"You were likely within your rights to shoot this man," Shelley told
the owner. "But if you do nothing and you allow him to bleed to death,
you are committing murder and I can arrest you." Technically, this was
true, but she made the threat only to ensure his cooperation. "Call 911
and bring me something to help stop the bleeding. A roll of paper towels
if you have them." The owner reached for his shotgun. "Leave. It. There," Shelley said, each word snapping. "I want to put it somewhere safe." "Leave your weapon there." The man backed into his store.
A shotgun, at close range, could tear a man in two. Both of Shelley's
hands easily fit into the wide gash of his belly wound. She felt about
for the source of the flood. "Bless me father, for I have sinned."
Shelley had been concentrating so much on the wound, that these words
startled her. She looked up. The priest from Arby's knelt next to the
victim. "Tell me, my son," the priest said.
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Additional notes regarding context and the contest.

Aspects
of Shelley Krieg are presented in the above story. In summary, she is
African-American, tall (over six feet), single and in her mid-thirties
and works for the Washington, DC Metropolitan Police Department. She is a
conscientious detective who does not act in an unethical way, although
she has been known to cut corners for the greater good.

The first chapter of Never Kill A Friend is available here, online or from internet book outlets.

The
winning entry should be realistic in plotting, not the magic of a
poorly created cops-and-robbers world. Gratuitousness, whether it be
sex, violence, gore or swearing is a negative. I will accept a moderate
amount depend on context and internal justification.

The
sacrament of confession is not absolute in requiring silence from the
priest. Inasmuch as Shelley overhears something actionable, the priest
could corroborate it: although this does not need be a plot point.

International
contestants can apply. Alternative forms of awards can be: A check or
money order for U.S. dollars, or as a gift card from iTunes, Amazon, or
Google.

What publication rights are being asked? None,
other than those requested by the magazine in which the final product
will be published. The winning entry will not be published on-line
beyond that of a teaser, unless by joint agreement. This could interfere
with submission to journals.

You may query me with further questions or insert them in comments if you believe the answers would be of general interest.

--------------

Martin Hill Ortiz is the author of Never Kill A Friend, Ransom Note Press.

Never Kill A Friend, Ransom Note Press

Never Kill A Friend is available for purchase in hard cover format and as an ebook.The
story follows Shelley Krieg, an African-American detective for the
Washington DC Metro PD as she tries to undo a wrong which sent an
innocent teenager to prison. Hard cover: Amazon USKindle: Amazon USHard cover: Amazon UKKindle: Amazon UKBarnes and Noble

Monday, June 5, 2017

Having sorted out the IMDB ranking of mystery/crime television shows that began in the 1970s, I decided to extend this by looking at the 1960s. I also have the 1980s in the works. I suspect in the 1990s, with the advent of internet popularity and the great increase in cable shows, I can not continue a straightforwardly nostalgic tour. With the 1990s, the voting would probably have been influenced by publicity campaigns and what was on in the moment. IMDB debuted in 1990.

Again, I was rather strict in what constituted a mystery. No supernatural or science fiction or fantasy. I suppose that should eliminate gadget-y spy shows but I let them in. I drew the line at Batman-like shows as they tended to a more extreme fantasy.

For the 1960s I used a cut-off with those receiving at least 50 votes. This garnered 65 series. Much fewer miniseries during this decade.

I pondered whether some countries rate their shows more generously than others. In the 1970s I was certain that Germans were harsh on its shows with several having near the lowest ratings. In the 1960s, there were eight German shows appearing on this list and most were highly ranked.

Below are the shows, their fan ratings (1 to 10). When the ratings were equal, the order is given by which one had the most votes.

Martin Hill Ortiz is the author of Never Kill A Friend, Ransom Note Press.

Never Kill A Friend, Ransom Note Press

Never Kill A Friend is available for purchase in hard cover format and as an ebook.The
story follows Shelley Krieg, an African-American detective for the
Washington DC Metro PD as she tries to undo a wrong which sent an
innocent teenager to prison. Hard cover: Amazon USKindle: Amazon USHard cover: Amazon UKKindle: Amazon UKBarnes and Noble