I will never forget that day. I felt like I had known you my whole life and that day you gave me your whole life, your words, your story and your legacy. You trusted me, I know I was just a vessel and I had no doubt of where I needed to be.

That day, our time, will be with me forever. Your life impacted so many and I am thankful that for just a moment, I got to see why you were so special, why they all love you so much.

I hugged your wife tonight. Pam looked so pretty, forever a little sad now, we share this much. I recognize her pain and that of your children & their children. I want to hold her face and say, ‘I know, but I can’t because I don’t know, how could I. Looking at her and seeing your family about the place, I feel you, I feel your presence. The glue, the reason, even without your living body, they are together, for you and because of you.

When I look at your family I feel so thankful, privileged that I get to know them, experience their crazy! Let’s be honest, they are all a little crazy!

You have to love their noise, their frantic togetherness. They are family, unapologetic but as an army they stand. It’s a beautiful thing.

All of your children are a little bit special to me.

I see you in all they do. It seems a silly thing to say, even a little presumptuous as we barely knew each other but they all wear a little of your character to.

Individually, I feel like we all have a bit of a connection, I know how honored I am to say this and I nurture & respect it gratefully.

Lisa, my dear friend. What a journey we have been on. We came to meet in special circumstances, fate intervened & now we are forever entwined.

For me and all that know you, you are the beacon of your Dad, I think of him often and I know he is ever present for you.

Family the most important thing. You live & breathe that philosophy, for Nick the most precious possession in his life.

I sat before a man a year ago and he honored me with his life story. He changed my life in doing so. Thank you Lisa for introducing us, thank you Nick for sharing your family with me. Nick loved you all and I got to witness that first hand.

A second has passed since that very special day..others call it a year.

In memory of you.

Carey

xxx

]]>https://careysheffield.com/uncategorized/nick-monteleone/feed/1J’taime Paris!https://careysheffield.com/art/jtaime-paris/
https://careysheffield.com/art/jtaime-paris/#respondSat, 09 Sep 2017 20:01:45 +0000https://careysheffield.com/?p=2577It must seem that sitting aboard a plane, sipping a G&T and being 30,000* feet up in the air creates a great recipe for me to begin musing.

I’m reflecting on the trip to Europe I have just departed and feeling joyous at the return to my family. Their absence in my life for the past 29 days has been nothing short of painful and I cannot wait to return back to Florida, so I can resume my duties of making breakfast pancakes, being their personal Uber and generally embarrassing them at every opportunity, Mum dabbing is the worst apparently.

This particular cacophony of words for once isn’t about my general adoration for my offspring, I hope you hung in there, this, is to introduce you to something altogether a little more illicit, a torrid secret I would like you to keep from my husband, although I am more than happy and joyfully hoping for him to join me anytime and make it a delightful three way.

This post is all about my love affair with, Paris. I am sure you may reflect on my grammar here & I admit it is appalling but Paris quite frankly deserves the pause.

I cannot quite remember the moment I feel in love with this city, perhaps it’s the not so distant French blood that exists in my veins but somehow it has my heart and every time I return it is like greeting an old lover, the familiarity and memories return and I am left in a haze, a warmth and a welcome home. Whilst, in the pit of my stomach it is both exciting and most soothing at the same time.

Paris has certainly changed in the last twenty years. Accessible to many, so much busier than in of my previous visits. With many more tourists flocking to the Champs-Élysées, I’m not a fan of La Tour Eiffel so I have no idea how many people are hanging in that neighbourhood, many I am sure, but I am happy to see her from afar. The Arc de Triomphe shining her stunning glory down the tree lined avenue of exclusive and nowadays not so exclusive stores and restaurants, whilst the masses hope to feel her warm & romantic embrace and leave cloaked in her glorious glow for as long as possible.

I do love the Arc de Triomphe, this I cannot deny..not so much the Champs-Élysées but I’d never want Paris to be without her…that would be London without Trafalgar Square. So, let me introduce you to the Paris I know and love.

This isn’t a love affair with a street or a building, a landmark or a piece of art. This is all of those things with a touch of something more.

Like most cities, Paris has a personality, love it or hate it, Paris owns it and quite frankly I love that. Be who you are not what people want you to be, be the best at it and those who love you the most will appreciate you for it.

I want you to close your eyes for a moment, because I want you to appreciate more than the architectural beauty of this most magnificent city, I want you to listen to the melodic rhythm of the local language, French, are you seduced yet? No, tough crowd, ok, lets listen a little longer to the sound of the most beautiful women walking on the picturesque streets in their chic heels, probably Louboutins, you just know they are sashaying in their figure hugging skirts with their well coiffed hair and wearing their favorite Chanel red lipstick quite possibly leaving its vivid red stain on the tip of a Gauloise cigarette.

Then there is the intoxicating scent, of the men, the women & quite possibly the best fragrance in the world… the Boulangerie, It suddenly hits you, like a smack between the eyes and you are hooked. The french know how to bake bread and once smelled, once broken and tasted, then thats it, you’ll never taste better baguettes again in your lifetime.

I may be a little romantic and bias in my adoration of all things Parisian but you are when wearing the rose tinted glasses of someone in love, a love affair of many years and one that will without doubt last forever.

At this time and for the benefit of those who like facts I will remove those tinted specs for a moment and speak about the realities of this fair city.

It’s a little grubby in places and not without it’s fair share of homeless, vagrant and some might say undesirables. I’d prefer to say people ‘in need’ of which there are many but as in most cities they are intermingled with those that just see ‘need’ as a business opportunity and spend their days begging on the streets for a living rather than as a means to survive. It’s a well managed issue though and I never have felt threatened or uncomfortable on any street in Paris.

People often say the Parisians are arrogant, rude, disinterested. Not true. They are Parisians and as I said previously true to themselves. They may not shower you with insincere love or copious compliments but I’d rather a person were honest, real and be in a city where I can feel a genuine culture, than a product of tourism any day. They will tell you what to wear, how to wear it. What wine to drink, food to eat, restaurant to eat it in, place to avoid. They will regard you with envious interest or dismiss you with their gaze should you not meet their dress code. In short, they are unapologetic in their fabulousness. Fickle, maybe? I myself think not..cosmetic, a little vain perhaps but the world would be a little uglier and a lot less interesting if Paris were to lose its wonderful personality.

The River Seine is undeniably a little grubby so I’m not suggesting for a second that you should dip your toe, naked in her damp squalor on any hot, balmy afternoon, but you most certainly should partake in a boat trip on the muddy waters and listen to the tales of the many magnificent buildings that line her banks. Quiet in their stoic presence but whispering of treachery and romance, the stories of the bridges or walkways, monuments and people that reside on the riverside are quite wonderful. You can forgive her not so clear and mucky appearance and just enjoy the life that she has lived, daring and passionate, scandalous, frequently deadly but always cloaked in romance.

Lets talk about the ‘Loo’ as we Brits like to call it, or for my American friends the ‘Bathroom’. This used to be a hideous subject in Parisian quarters and I have suffered greatly in the lack of suitable rooms in which to go about my necessary business, but one culture I am pleased to say has been left to the Paris of old, is the hole in the ground..yes, you heard me correctly, the ‘bathroom’ used to just be a hole in the ground in most establishments, Circa the 1600’s.

How do you ask, do these most beautiful people in all of their finery cope with such a circumstance, I have no idea, I could never imagine the Parisians I saw in the fine Cafe’s and restaurant’s squatting in desperation and fortunately it has been a while since I have seen such a hideous, hole in the ground, calling itself a toilet. Thankfully, I am no longer needing to experience a whole weekend with my legs crossed. The bathrooms are now much more than acceptable and my bladder suffers no longer.

The rose tinted specs must return.

Paris isn’t perfection to some but it is perfection to me. I can overlook her flaws and differences and just enjoy her heady splendor. Eating the best food I ever tasted, walking streets devoid of tourists and finding treasures you will never have seen on a map of landmarks and monuments.

Discovering hidden gardens, beautiful doorways and delighting in the knowledge of cobbled streets that bare the marks of the burden that walked before me hundreds of years ago.

You cannot think of Paris at any time without taking a deep breath and closing your eyes and imagining something wonderful, something romantic and truly unforgettable.

Do go, once in your lifetime. Take someone you love and dare to tread the path not seen on the tour guide. Together, find the real Paris, embrace the difference and fall in love with the romance that seeps from her walls.

Unabashedly beautiful she has a lot to offer, your creativity will sore, your lives will be embellished and your heart will be full.

For the diehard monument lovers amongst you, you must visit Notre Dame, exquisite, impressive and for the non religious she may just move your soul.

St Germain is for the creatives, the tortured souls who’s veins are filled with art and passion.

Close by you will find the Pont des Arts. The love lock bridge. Once filled with padlocks declaring the love of thousands of besotted couples. The bridge almost collapsed under the weight of them all. Since then they have been moved to the neighboring Pont Neuf, but are worth a visit just to see the lovers embracing (for those who have forgotten how to lose themselves) and from here a great place to catch a Riverboat cruise along the Seine.

Montemarte is a favorite of mine and a place for the die hard romantics. The streets will send you ever deeper into your lovers arms and the outside world will be no more, it is truly charming, like something from a Disney movie but only so much better and also incredibly real.

There are so many more things I could tell you about this delightful and fragrant city but a great movie is often ruined by many a spoiler. Paris is a place to discover, somewhere you will find your own favorite corner, street, bridge or restaurant.

Stay close to central, but not on a main street like the Champs-Élysées. Just off the tourist hotspots you will find boutique establishments with so much to offer. Charming rooms, wonderful hospitality, perhaps a brief insight into the life of a Parisian. I recommend Hotel Fabric. Once a fabric factory reborn into this picture perfect establishment with all the mod cons you’d expect form the George V but without the price tag. It’s nearby restaurants also offering the best wines and food like no other I have had in Paris, a true discovery worth sharing.

Soon, I will return, I hope, with my husband as I recently visited with my sister. Her first visit and I am sure not her last. My husband, who doesn’t quite wear the same colored spectacles as me, cannot deny the charm this city has to offer and were he to lose the preconceived perception of this place many love and a few choose to loathe he may also fall in love with her. I live in hope that we may share the same passion for the place but instead just enjoy the embrace he has for me when we visit, because without doubt it brings it out the romantic in everyone.

Au Revoir

Carey

xxx

*I have absolutely no idea, in all honesty of my altitude whilst writing this piece.

]]>https://careysheffield.com/art/jtaime-paris/feed/0Love lettershttps://careysheffield.com/uncategorized/love-letters/
https://careysheffield.com/uncategorized/love-letters/#commentsTue, 08 Aug 2017 23:21:24 +0000https://careysheffield.com/?p=2543Just before I travel, especially when alone, I get a bit anxious.

Scratch that, very anxious, I curl up like a little ball inside myself and I worry like crazy.

People are always surprised to hear that from me, I give off this air of confidence whilst inside I’m churning away, painfully!

This trip is a long one. Probably the longest I have ever left my youngest two kids. My oldest and I now being accustomed to separation, he lives and works the other side of the world to me. I say accustomed, but I will never be used to his being so far away and I still get that gut punch feeling every time I think about the distance or how much I miss him.

So, why am I rambling this time?

Nerves are one thing, we all hate leaving our children. Flying makes me a little uncomfortable. I shove the fear far down and try to pretend I am cool with it.

My fears are bigger now, the world is a scarier place. Walking the streets in major cities, going to a concert and just doing ordinary, everyday things can mean real danger. We can’t protect ourselves from it, we can’t see it coming and its right on most of our doorsteps.

I want to leave some words for my children. Y’know in case I don’t get to say it in person. I constantly tell them I love them, am proud of them but if they ever needed to just read those words, however old they are in years to come, here they are.

This isn’t supposed to be a negative post..I am sure I will be back home with my babies soon enough but I am sat here writing it with tears rolling down my face. I’m such a big baby.

James

James, my grown up, handsome boy. To say I am proud of you is an understatement. I could burst at the thought of all your achievements. Your courage to go after life, to take care of others as well as yourself, already and so very young. This is always a source of admiration for me. You weren’t born into the arms of a perfect mother. I was broken physically and a little mentally too. Not equipped for what lay ahead, my parenting skills had to be learned as I went along. Each day a battle into the unknown for you and for me. But I want you to know, that, that being said you were wanted, loved, you are one of MY greatest achievements.

I would give anything to go back to one day when you were small and just absorb all of you. Put all of my selfishness aside, the desires for life that I had as a very young girl who happened to be a Mother and just drink you in.

Your quiet, intelligent presence. Your patient interest in the world. The consideration you showed others and the love and maturity you always shared.

Often alone in a room full of children, you still enjoyed your own company. Entertaining yourself with your books and lego! You had to grow up fast. I could wish that away and rewrite all of your early experiences but then you wouldn’t be you, the young man you are today and I certainly don’t want to change a single thing about you.

You are loved, you must love others fully, with passion. Give all of yourself and never apologies for who you are, you are amazing.

Alex

My dear beautiful Alex. You came into this world kicking & screaming. You let us know that you had arrived & since that day your presence never goes unnoticed.

We are more alike than you would care to believe. I was a dreamer like you and had aspirations of being a singer, a dancer & a performer but probably only half the talent.

We’ve clashed and I admit I have tried to tame you in the past. It took me some time to accept your ‘crazy’, accept you as you are, not too organized, living in your dreamy place.

I’ve watched you grow from the most beautiful little girl into an equally beautiful young woman. Beauty on the outside yes but you also have the most beautiful heart.

You were also the first child to compliment others. To praise and congratulate, motivate & inspire. You genuinely wish the best for everyone and see the beauty in all.

I’ve tried to protect you from the harsh realities of the world. Toughen you up and make you see the world is sadly not all unicorns and pixie dust. But, I was wrong and I am sorry. The world needs more people like you to spread joy, love, beauty and compassion. A life without dreams is not a life, just an existence. Shine your beautiful light wherever you go, turn it up bright. I’m so proud of the shining young woman you’ve become.

You are my friend, my confidante and my beautiful daughter. I love you and I am proud of you. Whatever you do, the life you choose to live will be award winning, Oscar worthy & full of the stuff dreams are made of.

Stuart

What can I say about you. You blow all of our minds. You are a gift to us and to the world at large. You never fail to amuse, educate and entertain, always radiating your wonderful warmth and love.

When you came into the world you were a glorious and wanted surprise. I knew you would be my last child and I cherished every moment of my pregnancy with you and thoroughly enjoyed those early days when it was just you and me getting to know each other, curled up in a bundle of sweet, sweet love.

I feel like you were born with a great empathy, you can read peoples emotions so well. Watching and sacrificing your own wants for the benefit of others. We are always telling you not to be a martyr! But you do it most of the time with the best intentions.

You tell us all ‘I love you’ 10 times a day. Don’t ever stop that. It’s one of my favorite things about you, I like to hope that our love for you has helped you be so open with your affections.

I look at you growing now and I am so afraid, I don’t want to lose my lovely little boy to the big wide world. Slowly, surely, inevitably you are all leaving me, as you should and making your own way in the world.

You hate change, always have dirty glasses, like fine, expensive dining far too much! You are wise and hungry for knowledge but not arrogant or complacent. What will you be in this big wide world I wonder? You have so much to choose from and so much ambition I look forward to finding out but don’t leave me too soon.

Right now your fabulous presence is being felt on stage, you love the classics, have no fear and are so very entertaining. Everybody says how you shine on stage, just like your sister. Who knew I would have two showbiz stars in my brood.

Never stop hugging me goodnight, telling me you love me, reaching for my hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze every now and then, I love all of those things. When someday you cast those endearments onto someone else, when you fall in love as I suspect you will and it will last forever I will remember them fondly and hold them so close to my heart.

James, Alex & Stuart

You are my whole life and my reason for living. I’m glad you can forgive me all of my failings and I will never remember yours. Thank you for teaching me what love means, the unconditional & ever lasting kind. When I see your faces, I smile, sometimes cry and always feel loving emotion, even when angry at you! Know that you are all equally and unequivocally loved & adored by me and I would do anything for you…except pick up the crap on your bedroom floor. (Although secretly I still do). When you leave to live your beautiful lives come back to me often, call, text..think of me, because I am always thinking of you.

I don’t want to, I know its dull, but the conversation always ends up there, will we ever learn to just let it go and love ourselves as we are?Two good friends came over for lunch today and inevitably we talk about body shape. Not in a ‘shaming’ way, we are not malicious types just in a ‘she is this’ and ‘she is that’ and wondering why, how, what is best?

We talk about it because we are looking for the secret, how’d she got there, would that work for me. We all know the answer, it’s what you eat and how much you move and a big dollop of the genes you were born with.

You notice it is all ‘She’ and not he, men care, they really do, but not nearly as much as we care, I’m sure your man walks around the bedroom naked and doesn’t give a hoot what you are thinking about his arse!

I’m not overweight on paper, I have a healthy and good BMI. In fact, I am very healthy, something I’m so thankful for and I mentally slap myself in the face every time I look in the mirror or step on the scales and just see imperfection. I’m not looking to just drop a few pounds I wanna see Heidi Klum’s butt in the mirror reflecting back when I look at mine.

You see? It’s insane isn’t it? We have ourselves set up against these stunning ideals of how we should be.

I don’t blame the magazines, I work in the beauty industry. In fact I love beautiful women and when working with models I bizarrely don’t feel intimidated, I feel more threatened and insecure when surrounded by women I see every day.

This isn’t a vanity post, I’m bored with my fixation on the body ideal and long for the freedom of not giving a shit and just enjoying life and the gifts I have been given. I recently lost 10lbs over a couple of weeks, sure it felt good, not perfect, when I looked in the mirror but boy I sacrificed a lot to get there and had to workout for nearly two hours a day to make it happen! As soon as I dropped the regime, guess what..back to where I was to start with. Was I happier? The reflection in the mirror was, the sad step (scales) wasn’t so sad, although I looked older in my face and I wasn’t nearly as much fun to be around.

I’m fitter than ever and work out most days of the week but I also eat out most nights and have an amazing social life! My husband never complains that I’m ‘fat’ and rolls his eyes in boredom when I ask that wonderful question ‘does my arse look like two hippos fighting in a pillow case’ in this?

My fixation on my figure has definitely rubbed off on my daughter and I hate myself for it. She is drop dead gorgeous, talented, bright..in short, breathtaking. She has a similar figure to me, hourglass, 50 years ago we were the nations pin ups!

I have recently started following Ashley Graham on Instagram. She is so stunning and a wonderful role model. She tried to be something the industry, her colleagues and the world expected her to be and got there. She couldn’t maintain it and was unhappy. There are things she doesn’t like about herself but she works through it, sure she is young and beautiful, that helps but she loves her body.

Being older and seeing it all start to develop the effects of gravity doesn’t help either! I just want to develop a healthy mental attitude towards my body, NOW, I’m wasting so much time thinking about it.

I’m going to be honest though, I do think that there is a line between being yourself and just abusing your body to the point of being morbidly obese or the other extreme thin to the point of anorexia. When did this all start? Or has it always been this way for women?

My mum used to worry she was to ‘thin’ in her face and sometimes her body but I never saw her look bad. I was always called a ‘big’ girl and I really wasn’t, there are no pictures of me being overweight as a child so that is weird to me I just wasn’t ‘skinny’ either.

Arghh! I’m 43, fighting the mental cruelty of aging without intervention, surrounded by beautiful flawless women who spend their lives working on it and still having the 25 year old battle with my body image!

Mental tips are required, not compliments. We tell each other you look great! Have you lost weight? You look skinny! Did you do something to your hair? Our opinions of other people just a reflection of our own insecurity.

Sadly, I think I will take this attitude to the grave. It seems entirely impossible to change my mindset now. I do hope that we start to focus more on health and by health I don’t mean all looking like amazonian weightlifters! Although I’d take that.

Lets try and make a pact for women of the future. Compliment people on their achievements, their attitude and their talents and not their appearance. It’s something that I need to work on myself too. If I see you and you look beautiful though I will say it, theres no harm in that and if I say it I mean it.

Now I am going to eat the last pastry my friend bought for lunch today, I will try not to beat myself up about it and just thank God that I have this amazing, healthy body that has given me a life I love, children I’d die for and dance moves that are never afraid to make an appearance! Just buy me a cocktail and play the Spice Girls. #wannabe

Just be you.

Carey

xx

PS: Check out this cool video from Glamour Magazine with Ashley Graham.

Images featured sourced from there internet and remain the property of the Copyright

]]>https://careysheffield.com/projects/will-i-ever-love-myself/feed/0Love and Let Livehttps://careysheffield.com/uncategorized/love-and-let-live/
https://careysheffield.com/uncategorized/love-and-let-live/#respondMon, 26 Jun 2017 18:19:38 +0000https://careysheffield.com/?p=2493My very recent trip to the UK, albeit fleeting, was a bit of an awakener for me.

Quite quickly into the trip I realized who my real friends are, who is genuine & who I should probably leave quite happily to their own life whilst I walk forward into mine.

Traveling back on the plane, a nine hour trip, I started to reflect. We all felt as a family that we had made the right move coming to the USA. We miss people for sure, that’ll never change but we love our life here.

It seems though that our life here is resented by a few.

I paint a rosy picture, I am sure, but hey, its real. No smoke and mirrors for us. We do have sunshine, great friends, a good life and we worked hard to get it.

This post however isn’t about that. It’s about people and caring what they think of you.

I care, far too much and as a result I often get hurt by things people say and do and just how they behave around me. Women are particularly great in sending out the ‘dislike’ vibe. I just love the ‘look up and down’ when you walk in a room.

With all this on my mind and being the caring type I of course start to analyze myself and what’s a day without beating yourself up a few times hey?

With my thoughts on the subject of peoples opinions it was interesting to be watching the HBO TV Drama ‘Big Little Lies’ on the plane..I binge watched the entire series. Loved it. Do make the time to see it.

Without any spoilers, it followed the lives of a few friends. Most of them quite wealthy, caring greatly what the others think, giving off a false perception of the perfection in their lives.

Behind closed doors their realities being entirely different.

During every episode, acquaintances of the main characters were being interviewed and that’s where the personality annilation begins. On the whole, perceptions were born out of jealousy, ignorance and basically hypocrisy, lets face it we all have our issues right? But it made me realize that people can be pretty unforgiving and in their judgement of others quite blind to their own failings.

Marie Claire magazine also had an intriguing article in the July edition titled ‘What do people really think of you?” Secrets of true self awareness.

Well, of course I went straight to that. Because I do care too much what people think! How awful must I really be?

Along with being too fat, too old, not cool enough, or successful enough. I talk too much, I’m too opinionated, over generous, probably a people pleaser..scratch that..definitely a people pleaser..I could go on. My list of faults are long and make difficult reading. I have spent a whole lifetime beating myself up and there have been plenty of others who have enjoyed throwing punches.

The article had some tips to help you identify how you can be more self aware and perhaps you should enlist some friends to tell you how awful you really are. Get them to write a list and highlight what elements of your personality get on their goat so you can do something about them.

I started to think about who I would ask.

Certainly not my husband, too long a list. A couple of trusty friends came to mind, do I really have the courage to ask them to be honest with me?

But then an epiphany! So please don’t bother sending me the list. No volunteers required.

You see I already know what my faults are and I am unkind, quite brutal, basically abusive to myself on a daily basis in the search of ‘perfection’. Something none of us will ever attain.

I don’t need you to judge me, I already judge myself. You don’t need to feel obliged to talk to me, even if we are related by marriage, I have plenty of real family that love me for who I am. We don’t have to be friends, my greatest friends may only be few but they are the best and I find it hard to see their faults because I love them for who they are and if they see mine, well that’s ok because they love me anyway.

Every day I will try to be a better person, better Mother, Wife, Friend…I often fail. But I have a big heart, an open mind and I wear a smile more than a frown. What more is there?

The reason for my post? Go easy on yourself, you know who the important people are, don’t worry about the rest.

If you are someone who finds themselves to be judging, irritated, resentful. That’s a shame, you are missing all the good stuff.

Perhaps you should ask a good friend to write you a list? Or better still just remember this, we are all human, imperfect and failing miserably. That’s life, though some of us are just enjoying the ride a little more than you.

Just Love & Let Live.

Carey

x

]]>https://careysheffield.com/uncategorized/love-and-let-live/feed/0This new life in the USAhttps://careysheffield.com/uncategorized/this-new-life-in-the-usa/
https://careysheffield.com/uncategorized/this-new-life-in-the-usa/#commentsTue, 13 Jun 2017 21:15:47 +0000https://careysheffield.com/?p=2116I never wanted to be a photographer

It wasn’t a life ambition, not the career I dreamed of at school. Back in those days I dreamed of being happy, not getting such a hard time, perhaps living a life which had smiles in it. In fact the only career aspiration I had was to be the next ‘Kate Adie,‘ if you are too young to know who she is feel free to log off now! Or perhaps a Hollywood actress, there’s still time I might give it a try.

Spin back the clock for almost a decade & I started on this path to be a photographer. I’d already been in Sales & Marketing, having left school and home by 16 I needed a job not a career but had been pretty good at it. Trained as a florist, started an events company and produced three children..plus a few other sidelines in between..a true ‘female’ Del Boy. A ‘Jack of All Trades’, & Master of none? But actually, maybe, I disagree, I mastered the art of moving in the direction that life took me, seeing an opportunity, recognising the skills needed and putting myself out there.

Taking pictures came from nowhere..I love advertising and the imagery, posed myself on the odd occasion but held photographers in high regard and didn’t believe that I could be one..with three young children I needed to sell my demanding events & floristry business and found myself needing something more to do. I took myself off to college to study photography, I was 33 years old. A decade ago.

Did I become a Master of this one thing? My photography colleagues may scoff, perhaps not yet a Master but I am proud to consider myself a skilled and creative professional and love capturing the moment.

So why all the waffle?

For years its been discussed as a family that we move to a new country, find a different life, warmer weather..something new and exciting. We’ve tried many times and Visas etc meant it didn’t happen..so I was as surprised as anyone when back in 2015 my husband came home announcing that we were moving to the USA..it took 6 months for it to dawn on me, it had failed so many times before and this time I wasn’t sure if I or my family wanted to go.

It has come at a cost for me and before you shoot me down, I am very aware my life is looking pretty damn cool at the moment.

But, I had a business. A good one. Clients, weddings, colleagues and exiting projects, all gone. I’ve worked at least 10 hours a day for years, editing and shooting and all that comes with the job, I job that I loved, what am I going to do when it all stops?

It’s been a whirlwind 18 months since we arrived.

I started writing this post about 6 weeks into our life here..I saved it as a draft and I never pressed the publish button.

The original post has changed since that sunny day when I was still on the honeymoon of our new life. We are now three houses in, renting comes with it’s own drawbacks. I miss having my ‘own’ home, somewhere I can paint walls and spend weekends picking out new furniture, you don’t want to commit to things when a place doesn’t belong to you.

Life is real now, school runs, homework, worries. We love the sunshine, absolutely, but I no longer wear rose coloured spectacles.

I want to stay, I do enjoy the life here and the very many great friends that I have made. Facebook makes it easier to be so far away from all those that we love and all those that we love to get drunk with back in the UK.

Personally, I am in a strange place creatively, dabbling, not actually working in the USA ATM so just shooting for projects, charity trips, but planning work in Europe and shooting some wonderful weddings.

There are huge opportunities for me here in the future and I hope I can make them happen..I’ll let you know in a few months.

I am also reaching an age where I feel like my time to be ‘new’ is trickling past me. I love to write, I love to market new ideas and create business plans and campaigns, I love so many things. How do I carve a place for myself in this new world, a world where my children need me less and less, a world where I can spend each day working out and playing tennis but knowing I need so much more.

There is no plan, I don’t know where I am going, perhaps for the first time in my life and it is a little unsettling.

Who knows whats next? Answers on a postcard.

But its all new in this old girls life.

Enjoy it, Grab it, Live it

xxx

Disclaimer: Yes, I love that hat.

Images All Phone Snaps. x

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https://careysheffield.com/art/2394/#respondThu, 12 May 2016 15:39:58 +0000https://careysheffield.com/?p=2394Day Eleven:
50 Portraits 50 Days 50mm lens
No pre planning, no fixed poses, just people doing their thing..so on the most part they will be strangers, so courage required too!

Well I got in early today! Found me a lovely young lady (cough)!Lisa, a friend of mine, (not any more after this probably), when I sprung upon her the idea that she would be my portrait of the day..because today is her birthday! It is a tradition amongst us that we meet up for coffee and breakfast at our local haunt, I won’t give them any free advertising cause I spend too much money in there already.Lisa actually is no stranger to the camera and featured in a campaign of mine a few years ago when I first started out, the campaign appeared at The Brick Lane Gallery for two weeks with Lisa’s lovely derriere being a fabulous feature wink emoticon Peachy.Lisa is Mum to Luke & Toby and wife to Matt. She is training in Fitness and will be kicking peoples butt into touch soon when she qualifies as as a personal training instructor. Lisa walks everywhere, spends her life in the gym and eats loads of cake and there isn’t an ounce of fat on her…yes I know you are all wondering why I’m friends with her?Lisa may put all the rest of us to shame but she is a funny, lovely lady who can knock back a JagerBomb or two and I’m very happy to call her my friend. Oh and Lisa….Roll On Vegas Baby!

50 Portraits 50 Days 50mm lens
No pre planning, no fixed poses, just people doing their thing..so on the most part they will be strangers, so courage required too!

Today I wanted to get a lady…..easy tiger! I mean try and find a female subject. I drove to a couple of salons all busy and because it keeps raining I didn’t want someone to stop for me and get wet..So I went to the pub…no not for a drink but to photograph a nice lady bar person, no lady but I got Nick the owner, I will try to get a lady tomorrow!
Nick has owned The Surrey Cricketers for seven years a nice village pub in Windlesham. He has a wife, Meral and a daughter Zara, and very soon baby number two, who’s dues in November.Nick has served a few famous faces whilst at The Cricks, notoriously Russell Crowe whilst he lived in the village as he was filming Robin Hood, the big hair duo Brian May and his Wife Anita Dobson who live nearby and recently Alex Reid…although don’t tell anyone that, he doesn’t want to put people off the place.Nick also manages his own property portfolio and fancies himself a bit of a farmer with his 8 Chickens, 5 Ducks, 3 dogs and 3 fish!Born in Hampshire, Whitchurch he says he has never done anything major or adventurous but I’m sure thats not true, I’ll go back and find out from his regulars one Friday night what he really gets up to!If you ever visit buy him a drink..a large Pinot Grigio please!

No pre planning, no fixed poses, just people doing their thing..so on the most part they will be strangers, so courage required too!

On a trip to The Wisley today and admittedly scouting for an interesting subject I was lucky enough to bump into Denis Pugh. Denis is a Professional Golfer but more well known as one of the worlds leading coaches with pupils in the past of Colin Montgomery and more recently Ross Fisher and the Molinari Brothers Edoardo & Francesco. Denis can also be seen on Sky TV at least 3 times a week presenting Golf Night. With homes in Putney & Munich he lives with his German wife Netti. Denis jets around the world on frequently, enjoys fine wine has a love of The Opera and wont say no to a trip to the ballet.