The Next Diet Trend: Suck Food Out of Your Stomach

Lisa Johnson has managed to dig up a new technology being tested for the morbidly obese. What do you think, will it take us one step closer to Wally World?

Oh, the phrases running through my head right now.

“This’ll turn your stomach!”

Or: “Eat whatever you want and suck it out later!”

What might seem like science fiction is actually already being tested on humans. Dean Kamen, the guy who brought us the Segway, is now developing a device called AspireAssist. Essentially it’s a pump for your stomach, so you can vacuum out calories before they hit your system.

And, yes, according to Kamen, it is fine to eat whatever you’re going to eat. All you need to do is wait an hour (hey, just like swimming!) while the food is broken down into a more liquid form in your stomach. Then just Hoover the stuff out!

The developers estimate you can reduce your calorie intake by about 30%. Beta testers of the product have admitted that some food seems to get clogged in the tube — such as broccoli and steak — so the company has some tweaks to work on.

My take? This is absolutely disgusting, ewh, ick, ewh … Who the hell thought this will be huge on the market?

Presumably you’d need a doctor’s approval as it requires a medical procedure to install the tube. I look at bariatric surgery as a form of mutilation, something that should only be used as an absolute last resort. But this … this tops everything.

Peddling to the Morbidly Obese

OK, so if you’re morbidly obese, you’ve been given a lot of dire threats from your doctors over the years. You’re probably downing a lot of pills, and you’re desperate — absolutely desperate — to lose weight, to not die, to live a more full life. I get it, I truly, truly get it. This isn’t about vanity any more, or being teased, or judged … this is about living longer, about waking up the next morning.

But do we really need this device to be the siren call of redemption? Does this have to be the way we cure obesity in America?

There is ZERO behavior modification here. People can still eat more food than they need, and given the ability to remove it later. You know, there is a term for doing this regularly … it’s called an eating disorder!