10 Signs That You Are Definitely Getting Older

I do my best to maintain my Mom Sexy, but I’m the first person to admit that I’m no spring chicken. The Mommyologist is getting older…and here are 10 ways to tell if you are too.

You are definitely getting older if:

1. You refuse to get within 100 feet of an Abercrombie and Fitch store for two reasons: a.) It’s just way too damn loud. b.) It smells way too much like your high school boyfriend, which makes you stop and wonder what the hell ever happened to him, which then makes you wonder why the hell you ever went out with him in the first place and why it took you a year and a half to get over a guy who dropped you like a bad habit as soon as he got back to boarding school. (The high school boyfriend is totally hypothetical…of course).

2. You start referring to the people on The Real World as “kids”, and throughout the show, you say, “That’s disgusting!” at least ten times, and you gag at least five times.

3. You are no longer embarrassed to purchase tampons, even when the cashier who rings you up at the grocery store is a 15-year old kid. Somewhere around age 28, you realized that you do indeed, have a vagina, and it is perfectly acceptable to menstruate. And it’s also perfectly acceptable to say the word “vagina” out loud. VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA!

4. You realize that you are old enough to be Justin Bieber’s mother. ‘Nuff said.

5. When someone talks about something that happened 20 years ago, you can actually remember where you were and what you were doing 20 years ago. And chances are it involved either Abercrombie and Fitch, your menstruating vagina, or some strange combination of the two.

6. Gone are the days when you consider your parents to be a real drag. Your parents are still your parents, but they’re now also your best friends. And your parents’ best friends are still your parents’ best friends, but now you consider them your friends too, not just your parents’ friends. And nine times out of ten you’d rather hang out with your parents and your parents’ friends who are now also your friends than anyone else.

7. You catch yourself getting annoyed and rolling your eyes at teenagers who are giggling and having fun at the mall, because in your opinion, they are just creating unnecessary noise. Especially the ones who are lingering outside of Abercrombie and Fitch. (NEWS FLASH: Those teenagers are rolling their eyes at you too. They think you are pathetic and old, and they vow never to look like you when they are your age. After all, they’ll still be shopping at Abercrombie and Fitch and be hip to the latest trends, right)?

8. On any given Saturday evening, you find yourself getting a little bit giddy after realizing that Celebrity Ghost Stories has a new episode on the Biography Channel, and right after that, there is a documentary on how the states got their names on the History Channel. Break out the boxed wine baby…it’s gonna be a seriously bitchin’ night!

9. The thought of going to a frat party makes you want to douse your entire body in hand sanitizer and put on a gas mask. Let’s face it…if the memory of the stench of stale beer and man sweat doesn’t make you a bit nostalgic for your college days, then you are definitely over the hill.

10. You will talk about shit with anyone, and by shit I do mean poop, and by anyone, I do mean ANYONE. If you can admit to a random person of the opposite sex that the chicken you ate for dinner had you up with the runs all night, then you are seriously an OLD FART. No pun intended.

Comments

All so, so true. I think I’d add the fact that I no longer care who see’s my body and it’s in the worse shape it’s EVER been – I guess having a baby and breastfeeding forces you to have ZERO inhibitions … and yes, I have become one of those mum’s who strip down in the changing rooms at the swimming pool without really caring – a decade ago I would gag at people like myself. *SIGH*

Ah, crap. I’m old.
But that thought was slammed home a couple of weeks ago when I started going to a localy gym — trying to get the Mom Sexy back — and it was full of grunting, sweaty, young men and their straining muscles. And yet my eyes moved right past them to the TV hanging above the ellipitical…….Ellen was on!! Yeah.
I am such a married, and old spud.

I am LOL about number 1. Mainly because at some point in the beginning of our relationship I told my husband that my ex boyfriend always wore “Fierce” cologne from A&F and the smell of it reminded me of highschool. About a week later, he went and bought a bottle of it and has been wearing it ever since. The man is almost 30 and looks ABSURD walking into Abercrombie. I giggle everytime I think about it.

Hilarious! If I might add a #11:
You have to ask anyone under the age of 18 to explain their terminology at least once in every conversation. My husband has a younger brother who is 17 and I swear sometimes I have no idea what he is saying.

I’d like to add that you are old when your 18 year old & his girlfriend seem like they are 12. Everything they say is irritating because it’s the most immature, ridiculous word vomit you’ve ever heard. And then you look at your mother and apologize profusely if you ever behaved like them!

OMG! Every time I get near Abercrombie I want to pass out. The same with Hollister. Those places stink with all of the cologne and they are so dark. My old ass eyes can’t see in there. And none of their clothes are even made for a woman with curves. Gag!

I talk about shit with just about everyone that will listen. Everyone is very aware of my stomach issues!

I also totally love hanging out with my mom and her friends. My mom is my best friend!

OMG this is fantastic…..VAGINA!!!!!! Such a great word right? And A&F gives me a headache at 500 ft. I hate that store….I will walk on the other side of the mall just to be away from it…and you know how I love the mall!!!

I was beyond devastated when I saw in US Weekly – how old Justin Beiber’s parents were. I told my husband – “See – instead of going to college – we could have just had a baby and a gotten a good video camera…..now look at us.”

I’m having a crisis over the fact that last week my oldest turned 21. In December my youngest will turn 18, I will turn 40 and my 19 year old is making me a grandmother! Talk about feeling old!
Last night our son was away for the night. What did we do?? Ate water ice, watched an old episode of Law & Order. At 9pm Hubby played PS3 and I curled up in bed and fell asleep watching Finding Nemo! Pathetic!

Yup, I’m officially getting older because I ticked off every single point you made. And nobody loves the word vagina more than me. Actually, I use it to chase away my friend’s daugthers who always try to listen in on our conversations. I tell them, “Just so you know, we’re talking about how stretchy my vagina became after I gave birth.” Clears the room everytime.
Great great post! Sadly though, me saying it was a great post means I’m older..sigh…

I have a strange aversion to teenage girls. With their hair flipping, inappropriately too short skirts, and lipglossed lips. Its hard to remember I was one of those once, probably looking at the mom in yoga pants with the same distaste I look at them.

Hi, I have only just stubbled on your blog via twitter and love it. I’ve read a few of your “best of”s and will be a regular reader from here on in. My daughters are both teenagers and truth to tell, it’s a strange time of life.

Tweeted you because I LOVE it! So true…though I have never set foot in and abercrombie( either we are different ages, I think I’m older, or different styles..) but nonetheless, aging does have its quirks and perks doesn’t it?