Idaho shooting suspect caught at White House trying to warn the country of oversexed Martians

When U.S. Secret Service agents apprehended Kyle Odom for throwing documents and a flash drive over the White House gates, they had no idea who they had on their hands. Once they ran the 30-year-old Marine veteran's name, they found that he was the only suspect in the shooting of Evangelical pastor Tim Remington, who had appeared onstage at a rally for Ted Cruz the day before. The pastor survived being shot, but a two-day manhunt for Odom had not yet turned him up.

He was, it became clear, trying to deliver a 21-page manifesto to the president, one that he also sent to his parents and several Idaho television stations. Odom has struggled with mental illness, according to Coeur d'Alene police, and the manifesto itself says that he has tried to kill himself twice. His paranoid document shows his path from finishing up a degree in biochemistry to becoming a man on the run from Martians trying to steal his mind and turn the human race into sex slaves. As you would expect, everyone from Remington to Congress to Obama is in on the conspiracy.

In the document (which begins with a claim that he's "100% sane, 0% crazy"), Odom describes text messages he received from Remington warning him of "their power." After Remington (he says) sent him a text message that just read "angels," Odom says he began to feel strange sexual urges: "It felt like someone was manually pumping blood into my penis," he wrote. He says that aliens tried to usurp his mind but were unable to. They apparently are taking many people as their sex slaves. "Don't believe me? Ask President Obama to take a lie detector test on this one," he wrote. As a last resort, he says, he's attempting to alert the public and has sent out a list of public figures he thinks are Martians. "Too many to list" are Israeli.

"Martians are ubiquitous. They exist at every level of society in every nation. Some have blue collar jobs, while other occupy positions of power," Odom wrote. "They control our government, our military, and Corporate America as well. They keep track of every 'wild' human on the planet and manage us like animals in a zoo. Our 'freedom' is a carefully crafted illusion."

By the end of his journey, Odom felt he was on a spiritual mission. "I hope that something good comes of it. Just realize that I'm a good person, and I'm completely innocent. Also realize that the 'people' I killed are not what you think," he wrote.