He doesn't know Robin Williams. He's never even met him. He does, however, know how he felt.

Williams, the Academy Award-winning actor and comedian, committed suicide inside his California home on Monday, Aug. 11 after a long battle with depression and alcohol and drug addiction.

Andy O'RileyBrandon Champion | BCHAMPIO@mlive.com

O'Riley, best known in West Michigan for his 25-year career in radio and his role as in-game host for the Muskegon Lumberjacks hockey team, has also struggled with depression throughout his life.

"It's heartbreaking to see that happen to someone that was responsible for pulling that much joy out of people for as many years as he did," O'Riley said. "That fight was still going on inside of him. He couldn't let go of everything that made him feel the way he did about himself."

O'Riley's battle with internal demons is a dark one that led a seemingly jolly man to a strong dependency on alcohol and a face-to-face encounter with a gun poised to take his own life.

In the wake of the shocking death of one of Hollywood's most legendary actors, O'Riley was prompted to share insight into his personal struggle with his more than 6,000 friends on Facebook.

It led to an in-depth conversation exploring the inner-demons Williams may have battled, mental health issues and the road to recovery.

'The constant pursuit of approval'

In O'Riley's opinion, the crazy, zany, charismatic persona Williams was known for was nothing more than a mask -- a coping mechanism for demons hidden deep inside his own mind.

"He could play any character, and his biggest character was himself," O'Riley said. "I don't think he was able to turn things off ... everything he did was so extreme ... his interviews were so unforgettable because he just became what he thought you wanted.

"If you wanted a crazy Robin Williams, he was crazy. If you wanted a great actor, he was a great actor. He showed that in every role he did. But knowing now how much he overcompensated for how he felt inside was part of his genius. He would go so far to the extreme it kind of showed he was covering up some hard things."

Since he has worked as an entertainer for decades, O'Riley said he can relate to what he called "the constant pursuit of approval." He said those in entertainment become relied upon to provide a distraction for people; a way to break up the day-to-day monotony in people's lives.

When combined with mental health issues and addiction, it becomes a dangerous situation.

"Soon, ideas start to run out," he said. "The further you get into your habit or your dependency, the harder and harder ideas are to come by until you get to the point where you're locked in a tiny box. No one knows what you're going through, but they're all still wondering: Why aren't you making jokes, why aren't you being funny, why aren't you amusing us?

"They're not entitled to you being funny, but you become part of their life. They look to you for that break and when you can't provide it, your self-worth starts to sink pretty quickly."

Dependence on alcohol

O'Riley knows the effect having a dependency on drugs and alcohol can have. Like it was for Williams, it's something he has battled his entire life.

As a child, O'Riley struggled with hyperactivity disorders which led to sleeping issues. By the age of 12, he started using drinking as a way to cope.

"I would sneak down to the garage and drink half a beer," he said. "It would get me tipsy enough so I could go to sleep."

He continued to drink heavily throughout high school and had a tab at a bar by the time he was 17. O'Riley's dependence on alcohol worsened after an unsuccessful attempt to quit drinking at the age of 28.

That's when it became commonplace for him to drink more than two gallons of whiskey a week without batting an eye.

"It got to a point where I had a pattern," he said. "If I could make it to 4 p.m. every day and then start drinking, I'd be sobered up in time to get to work in the morning.

"Between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. on any given day, I would black out, I'd cook full meals and let them sit there, I'd wake up at 4 in the morning because I'd fallen asleep with a drink in my hand and it was spilling on my crotch."

O'Riley's struggle reached its boiling point in his early-30s when he nearly took his own life.

"I was sitting there on the edge of the bed alone, feeling sad, depressed and isolated," he said. "I thought, 'This is it, I don't need to do this anymore, I'm not getting this right, I'm letting everybody down, and I'm a constant burden to my parents and to my wife and her kids.' I pulled out the gun, loaded it up and chambered the shell."

O'Riley said he was putting the gun to his head when a single thought entered his mind. Amazingly, it involved the gun he was about to use to take his own life, a gift from his father.

"My last thought was that he's going to have to live with the guilt that his gift took away his son," he said. "That was the one second of pause I needed."

The road to recovery

O'Riley is now 12 years sober. He spends much of his time relaying his struggles to youth and anyone who will listen, educating others on the struggles mental health issues present.

He is not a perfect human and he doesn't pretend to be. He even admits that working in entertainment still leads him to the never-ending pursuit for the next laugh -- for approval.

Tragically, Williams did not get the help he needed. For him, there was no second of pause.

He is gone far too soon, but for the millions of fans who adored him, it is the timeless characters he brought to life in the form of "Mrs. Doubtfire," "Peter Pan," "Genie," "Patch Adams," "Sean McGuire" and many more, that will live on forever.

For O'Riley, Williams' death hits close to home -- not because he knew him, but because it brought him to the realization of a single, horrific thought.

"It could have been me," he said. "People always think no matter what problem they have, it's just them and that no one is going to understand what they're going through.The fact of the matter is that as a species we're not wired that differently.

"There's a good chance that someone will understand what you're going through, someone will appreciate what you're going through. There's nothing to hide; just ask for help, reach out."

Brandon Champion covers arts and entertainment, business and weather for MLive Muskegon Chronicle. Email him at bchampio@mlive.com and follow him on Twitter @BrandonThaChamp.