Wednesday, March 25, 2009

We had a big storm last night. Pretty typical around here, or so I here. I actually got up out of bed and asked my roommate if I needed to be worried or prepared for anything else- more tornadic. She was checking the weather channel, but didn't seem too perturbed by the howling winds or the pop-pop-pings of the hail.

Oh, yea. There was hail. A lot of hail- all dime, nickle sized, and maybe a few quarters. I haven't seen a good hail storm since I was 8? maybe 9? I mean, the ground was dusted with white pebbles- not completely covered; but a decent dusting.

I thought it was interesting. And I thought it was amazing how dry the playground was this morning due to the velocity of the winds. Amazing that all of last night's water was gone; either blown away or dried up with the force of it all. The tulip sprouts survived; and the grass responded by growing another 2 inches in one day.

I wonder how the cows across the street are taking it? Do they get annoyed by all the pings, or is it a welcome icy, massage?

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I am not going to lie: the first few days here have been tough; and I was really questioning my ability to stay. The girlfriend that I have come to stay with really let me have it last night. She said, "Jenny, I think you already know what you want to do. Deep down, you've already made the decision. Just decide it; and stop being so wishy-washy about what you are going to do." It was like a reality slap- I really needed it. I think I was looking at everything and getting overwhelmed about how much needs to fall in place, and I was ready to leave before I had even started actually "being here." *

Friday, March 6, 2009

You all have so many questions for me. And there is really only one answer.It can be applied to just about everything...

Are you on vacation?

Are you on sebatical?

Are you on an unknown journey?

How long are you gone for?

Is everything okay?

Do you have enough money?

How is Rand adapting?

Will you stay with your friend all spring?

Are you going to get a job?

What will you do?

The answer to all of these and more:

I DON'T KNOW.

That's my theme. I can't tell you more than what has already been written. I think in goals; but my mind is a jumble right now. There are so many things to consider, I don't really know where to start first. And so, each day; a day at a time. And you will be updated as I go along.

Many people may want to know what I have seen in OK so far. There is one kind of place that I have been to more than I care to mention: public restrooms!

I am in hard-core potty training mode with Rand, so leaving the house is always a production- making sure I have enough supplies for the road. Rand also has this "thing" about public restrooms. He is scared, and so he usually throws a fit. I am always dealing with some level of mortification when I have to deal with a public restroom situation with him. Situations like this take practice. What I mean is: Rand will slowly come around to situations he doesn't like if he is exposed to it a little at a time; like building an immunity to it.

And so, that leaves me with "practice makes perfect;" and mortification never killed anyone. Charge forward and deal with it: that's another one of my mottoes.

Rand and I have been visiting all sorts of public restrooms in order to train him to expect different things, different sounds, different flushes, different soap, different hand-drying machines. He hasn't gotten to the point where he will actually use the potty each time; but I can usually get him to at least sit on the potty. (And truth be told, the first pee-pee in a public restroom was just the other day: at the zoo. And that made the road trip THAT much more interesting.)

I have issues.I discriminate against institutions who proudly label themselves "Southern Baptist." I just know that they are a certain way, and that I- in all my Jenny-ness- would not be truly welcome there; that I won't fit their mold.

At least, that is what I think.There are only so many things that I am willing to change in order to fit into a group of people. (And honestly, I should say "adjust" not "change.")

So, that is what I thought. And I promise you, I am not changing myself to fit in; that I won't change myself in order to fit in...

But, here I am: associating myself with a mega-church, a proudly Southern Baptist church. And I am thankful for it, I am thankful that I've been welcomed, and I am looking forward to making more inroads.

I guess I am changing, but not too much.Let's just say that I have been challenged to let some discriminations go- and that's not a bad thing, not a bad change.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I think it is interesting what you find comforting in times where you wade in the unknown.

I am familiar with K-LOVE from North Carolina. I don't listen to it much, but I am familiar. I know that many of my friends love to listen to it.

I was in North Little Rock battling the idea of where to spend the night. Rand and I were both tired and ready to call it quits on the driving for the day. I was experiencing some anxiety about where to stay. I was at a particular exit with multiple hotel choices, but for some reason, I couldn't shake the heeby-jeeby vibe.

I spent way to much time driving around, semi-aimlessly, before I chose to listen to the vibe and drive on down the road a little further. As I was flipping through the radio stations, trying to clear my head, I found K-LOVE. I was washed with a sense of love and home-folk. It was a great familiar feeling in a not-so-familiar place.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

We went to the OK Zoo this morning. What a great experience. All the animals were on excellent behavior: close to the fences so that we could see them up close and personal. There was one animal that took its closeness a little too seriously- the ostrich. It came close and then tried to snap at us through the fence. Talk about a quick move back from the fence line! Rand didn't react with fear, surprisingly. He found it interesting, as did I. Until, Rand reached out at the same minute that said ostrich snapped. A little too close for my comfort.

There was also this amazing, extensive play ground area. I was very impressed. It was a great morning.

And better than all- (this may be too much information for some, but this had been a HUGE battle in our lives recently) Rand went pee-pee in the public restroom potty. His fear of public restrooms makes him freeze up, although he REALLY needs to go. But today, after only a little time, he WENT! YEAH!!!

Most of Rand's toys were packed into the trunk or into a tote in the front seat. I only deemed a handful of toys worthy (worth it) to actually take into the hotel room with us- the small ones. Believe me, I was already hauling enough in and out: I didn't need much more.

The second morning of our trip, the morning after our first hotel stay, I was frantic. Aunt Julie sent Rand two plush hearts for Valentine's Day; and he loves them. He particularly loves them together! We took one with us to the breakfast bar; and thought we had brought it back. But as I was packing, there was only one. I saw only one. Where was the other one?

Rand looks at me as if to say, "You go find that yellow heart, Mommy. I got beds to jump on. I don't know where it is!"

I rummage through the overnight bag.I search through all the bedding. I look in the garbage bins.I peek into the bathtub (you never know).

I check the car. I poke my head out the door and look down the walkway. We walk to the front desk: "I am looking for a yellow plush heart. Have you seen one around?"I accost two cleaners: "Where is that yellow heart? I know you have it! Let me check your trash bags."

I double check with the front desk clerk as I am checking out: "Are you sure you haven't seen it? Can I call later in case it turns up?"

Rand seems obliviously to the loss. I am trying to figure out a way to explain that there will only be one heart to play with from now on. I know that in the moment that he wants it, there will be a trantrum.

I try to figure out how to break the news to Aunt Julie: "We lost one of your hearts."

I drive. That's all I can do. Forward and on: we will deal with the pain and loss when he is focused.

I check into another Days Inn in N. Little Rock. I unpack a sleepy Rand onto the bed; and continue to unpack the car. I unzip the overnight bag.I haul out bath toys.

What is that: smushed under those undies?A plush yellow heart.I'm saved.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I've had many people ask: Wait?! I don't get it! Are you moving to OK?

The easy answer to all of this is:I am visiting my college roomie from UNC. Her husband who is in the air force is gone for a 6 month training session. Since I didn't have a job in NC, it was a good time to pack up and explore a little. It may be a 2 week vacation; or, if things go well, I may spend the spring here.

The first few days here, I've been rather quiet because of issues getting online. But I just conquered setting up a wireless network for my friend's house, so I will be updating information more regularly. So, if you have any questions...SHOOT. If not, just explore vicariously though me and Rand.

If you want to send snail mail, my new address until further notice is:Jennifer Busfield9021 Button Ave.Oklahoma City, OK 73160

**Hold off on the phone calls. I need to clarify some issues with my Verizon account. When I get things settled, I will provide a phone number as well (not that it will do you much good- i.e. I am not one for talking on the phone much.)

Just so you know, it is long. The trip is long: approximately 1200 miles. The landscape suffers from winter’s dull colors: gray. brown, dead-green, dingy yellow. Rand and I drove through several storms; so there was lots of gray (although many different shades). We also drove through sleet and snow. That’s not something I was planning on; so needless to say there was nothing appropriately packed for that kind of weather.

The trip is long.And it wasn’t pretty.

But it was beautiful. The land is amazing. It rolls and swells; it is flat and solid. There are fields and trees; mountains; creeks and lakes and rivers. It is mesmerizing.

I would drive it again, the whole 1200 miles. There was so much I saw that I want to see again. There was so much I missed that I want to have another chance to look at.