It doesn’t trouble me that most of us imitate our parents and repeat the same mistakes or good behaviors that we saw as children. What does bother me is that most of us don’t know that that is what we do even though it often gets us into trouble. The good news is that once we begin to notice what we do, we can actually change or stop those behaviors that we (or our partner/family/associates) dislike.

Negative Thoughts

Everyone has negative thoughts that come up out of nowhere. The best of us realize that these are negative thoughts that almost always have no reality or evidence to back them up. These thoughts are often catastrophic predictions of something that frightens us. Without thinking, we may go into fight or flight mode or get angry or hostile. Sadly, even those of us who think we are aware, fall victim to these negative thoughts. The good news is that once we identify the negative thought, we can challenge it, demand proof or evidence and when it comes up lacking, dismiss the predicted catastrophe and we do not have to fall into dismay. The challenge is to stay aware that if our mood suddenly changes to the “dark” side, there is a reason for that change and the reason is almost always a sneaky, subtle negative thought that we have reacted to. When we can find the negative thought and destroy its credibility, we stand stronger and the important people around us can cheer. We have just made their and our lives much more comfortable.

Behind the millions-loud movement, there’s a quiet fringe of women not comfortable posting the hashtag—because to out their perpetrator would be to out their husband.

After the half-hearted foreplay, but before the lousy sex—that’swhen the argument happened. It was nearly midnight on a Tuesday and Jess T. was just getting home from work. “I was going for a promotion and putting in really long hours at the office,” says the 33-year-old from San Francisco, California. “I felt so exhausted, I crawled into bed without even washing off my makeup. As I laid down next to my husband, who I thought was asleep, he started rubbing my thighs, pulling up my shirt—I knew.” For the next minute she debated two things: Should she take off her mascara after all? Should she have sex? No. No.