Chillies

Spice up your love life with chillies. When your face flushes after eating a curry, that’s the blood vessels expanding thanks to the effect of the chillies. And it’s not just the blood vessels in your face that get the boost. Biologically speaking a hard-on is simple hydraulics – more liquid (blood) being forced into little tubes (blood vessels) in your penis – so what you need is a strong heart and smooth, healthy pipework.

Bananas

Hard men have healthy hearts, so eat bananas for potassium, which is great for your heart and circulation. Getting enough potassium helps keep your sodium levels under control, stopping your blood pressure from hitting the roof and reducing your risk of heart problems. If you eat too much salt and don’t like bananas, get your potassium from oranges or jacket potatoes (the mineral’s in the skin).

Salmon

The omega-3 fatty acids in oily fish make the blood less sticky, enhancing blood flow to the parts that matter. Eat fish like salmon, mackerel, trout and fresh tuna twice a week to keep your arteries well-oiled.

Pork

Contrary to popular belief, the penis does not have a mind of its own. To make it a fine and upstanding specimen, your neurons must be co-ordinated with military precision. You need thiamine, aka vitamin B1, for a healthy nervous system, so eat pork to help fire your swimmers in the right direction. Can’t or don’t eat pig? Get your B from beans and wholemeal bread.

Cherries

Cherries are packed full of anthocyanins, colourful plant chemicals which protect your artery walls, helping prevent the fatty plaques that lead to atherosclerosis, or clogged arteries. Don’t fancy cherries? Berries, or brightly coloured fruit such as peaches, nectarines and plums, will all keep your arteries smooth as a baby’s nether regions.

Onions

The phytochemical allicin in onions and garlic thins the blood and enhances your circulation, as well as making it less likely to clot and clog. Avoid unsexy onion-breath by chewing parsley or peppermints.

Wine

Wine – especially red wine – is a great source of the antioxidant phytochemical resveratrol, which helps open the arteries by enhancing the production of nitric oxide. Nitric oxide allows the blood vessels to expand, and this is how Viagra works. But while the little blue pill only works on tiny blood vessels, resveratrol helps your main arteries too. Make sure you stop at one or two glasses of wine – too much alcohol leads to the dreaded droop.

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