Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Initial Attraction to Eventual Subtraction = My own version
of Perfection

She met him at sunset, ‘twas a fancy restaurant.

She was dressed to kill. Perfect curls, immaculate nails,
subtle make up which highlighted her cheek bones. A fresh fruity perfume filled
the air, as she walked towards him with grace and flair. Two inch heels, just right
to match his height, not too tall - not too short; Oh yes! She was just right!

He was uber cool. Casual khakis with a sky blue linen shirt.
A button seemed to have (deliberately?) opened, revealing a hint of his
masculine chest. The brown moccasins completed his look with an air of unrehearsed
confidence. He wore a sharp crew cut which sat on a square chiseled face. A strong
woody scent complimented his lean body. Oh yeah! He was one of a kind, not just
anybody.

He opened the doors, pulled the chairs, gently their hands brushed
as they walked. He held her gaze as they shared and talked. She tossed her hair
as she spoke. He listened with intent. Laughed at all her jokes. She made him
feel special, when to his name she’d refer. She’d tilt her face as she looked into
his eyes, only to coyly look away soon after.

In that moment, stars they saw. There was a chemistry which
was heavenly, together forever, he saw. Do you, he intently asked? I do, she replied
fast.

Over the years they got to know each other better. She was a
natural nurturer, he a hard worker. As she went about her daily chores, her
hair was anything but perfect. Her locks were often wrapped in a bun of
neglect. Her perfect curls came at $45, the perfect figure required a corset to
survive. Occasionally she suffered from…ummm flatulence. Yet, she was cute in her most awkward instance too. In her imperfections there was an allowance of comfort,
a mutual acceptance.

He worked long hours, tired, some nights he snored. He’d be
fast asleep just when she was wide awake and bored. He’d watch sports on his
off days, she’d plead to go out that day. Eventually they’d settle to watch some
Netflix or Nat Geo. There was nothing woody about his scent then, only a
request to please wear deo. Always; he’d burp after his meals; Disgusting! She’d
say. Yet she’d cook up his favorite meal just to watch him blissfully belch as
she’d squirm and squeal.

Akin to each other’s skin, their love only grew. Together;
they created a beautiful reality, minus the formality. It was their own version
of perfection, a level of trust and affection. In there, there was no room for any
adulteration.

Notes from my desk: While the above sounds ideal, countless couples
complain of losing the “spark” in their relationship. Some chalk it up to
evolved differences, a slow growing apart, or sheer familiarity. Undoubtedly, the
initial honeymoon stage of a relationship does fade in order to
form a bond that is deeper and more intimate as the two become closer and
intertwine their lives together. That wave of stagnancy and deadness can often submerge
a relationship after the first thrilling months or years. As a result, many
couples lose hope, break up or even look elsewhere for the excitement of
newfound intimacy.

The question then is; ‘Is love really blind?’ A recent survey tells us that
the connection between caring for our physical appearance and the health of
romantic relationships is actually stronger than we realize. Research showed
that looks do play a clear role in long-term partner satisfaction. According to
the survey, overall physical attractiveness, which is not the same as physical
perfection, matters to both men and women.

In conclusion; keeping the focus on the value system of the relationship is
ideal. Trust, faith, loyalty alongside a healthy paradigm of open communication
is vital. However a long term relationship doesn’t mean that you’re
doomed to watch the spark fade away. You just need to make the effort to rekindle
it. Take the time to revive, refresh and renew. Your effort is the oxygen that
will breathe life into your love again. A little today, some more every day.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Life Coaching/Therapy # Myth 5

How do I find the right one for me?

Once you have successfully unveiled the truth from all myths
surrounding personal coaching and therapy it will lead youto
the quintessential question of how do I
find the right life coach/therapist for me?

In this final part of the series I share important tips about picking a life coach, should you ever
find yourself in need of one. Guess what; entering "find life coach" into your google search window results
in about 124,000,000 results. There are a lot of coaches and therapists out there, but
finding the right one for you is what makes all the difference.

Here are my top 3 tips on finding a life coach/therapist just right for you.

Research – Ask friends, family and use the web

Asking people you
trust for recommendations is a great place to start. This could be a friend,
family member, colleague or other health professionals. If someone you trust can
make a referral, this can act as a pre-screening process. If you have a friend
or family member who is a life coach or therapist, they would also be a good person to ask. If
none of your friends or family are able to help then shop online. When
shopping for life coaches look for individuals who are not selling themselves but
rather seem to be trying to tell you about their work and their philosophy of
working with clients.

Reach out - Make a connection

See if the life coach you are interested in offers a free (phone/in
person) consultation. This provides an opportunity for you to ask questions and
get a general “feel” of the coach/therapist. During this time you can ask important
questions about their coaching interventions and treatment philosophy, how they have worked to help others
and how they feel they can help you, or any other important questions you may
have. Whether over the phone or in person; when you finish you may wish to
assess how comfortable you felt, if you felt the coach was sincere, and if
you feel you could be honest without feeling judged or criticized.

Here are some
questions that you may ask:

What is their training? Where did they go
to school? Do they hold a current license to practice?Credentials aren’t everything but when asking this; you just want to
make sure that their license is in good standing and their school/training
accredited, not a one day workshop.

What is their specialty? What is their
experience? There are
many different schools of thought in coaching and therapy and each practitioner approaches
challenges differently based on their training and theoretical orientation. For
example, Time Line Therapy® (TLT®) is treatment
at an unconscious level and allows a client to surrender negative emotions
linked to past experiences and transform their internal programming. While NLP
is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy which
believes all learning, behavior and change is unconscious. There are many different
ways to approach the same issue, and while you may have no idea specifically
what style you want or need, make sure that what the coach/therapist is proposing is
something that sounds aligned to your personality and needs.

If you are seeing a life coach for a particular issue or goal, look for coaches
who have experience in that or similar areas. Share a little about your
presenting issue and see how the s/he responds. Experienced
coaches explain how they can help, are able to give you a basic “road map,”
to their approach and an indication of how you will know when sessions/therapy is
finished.If at
the end of the consultation you choose to go ahead find out their fee structure and discuss if you need sliding scale
or if you are planning on using insurance. If you like everything about them
but their professional fees are too high for you, tell them that. Often times,
they work out an installment plan or a pay as you go payment structure.

Relationship before resume – Notice how you feel

Don't be overly
focused on finding someone with a long list of accomplishments. Just because a
coach/therapist has written several books or has a busy public speaking schedule, it
doesn't mean that they are the right fit for you. Research has found that the
most effective ones build strong therapeutic relationships with their
clients and have highly developed interpersonal skills including warmth,
acceptance, empathy and the ability to accurately identify how a client is
feeling. So give more weight to how you feel in the room with the coach/therapist,
rather than their mantle of certificates and awards.

In conclusion; finding a life coach and/or therapist should not be a rushed
decision. It should take a little bit of time and effort. By remaining open,
honest, and willing to receive help, the process and outcomes can be very
productive, beneficial as well as frequently life altering. As Milton Erickson would say; “A Therapist is like
the weather; they provide a climate for change.”

Facebook

Follow by Email

Google+ Badge

Subscribe To

About Me

Hi! This is a space close to my heart. I want to use it as a platform to create a lifestyle which best optimizes your over all well-being.

As a life coach, alternative therapist and corporate trainer, I look forward to providing insights into the realm of coaching and therapy along with other self improvement topics which flavor your day with positivity, clarity and hope.

For me, writing is a release ground; a medium to celebrate life n living. My blog - Tasneem Kagalwalla @ Personal Soul-utions - shares stories and articles which are original and inspiring; opening up the windows of new possibilities by bringing new perspectives, heralding new connections and sparking new thoughts!

It’s proven that one learns best when one is truly inspired. A stimulating way of inspiring people is by sharing real life stories that act as symbolic metaphors in someone else’s life. This then is also an honest attempt to put voice to some of those stories.

Whether you are looking for personal development and self improvement articles, inspirational poetry, motivational picture quotes (Also like us @ https://www.facebook.com/PersonalSoulutions) or videos that uplift your spirit, my blog is your one stop, pit stop. Come and go or come and stay - these doors are always open.

Along the way; if for a moment we are united in thought; then this effort will have lived its intent.