You are trapped on a desert island with the Spice Girls. Food and rum have run out. Which Spice Girl do you eat first?

The Ginger Spice

The Sporty Spice

The Tall Spice

The Relatively Posh Spice

The Baby Spice

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry

Monday, December 11, 2006

HOW TO BE A BURDEN AT SOCIAL OCCASIONS

"Jeanne Martinet, author of The Art of Mingling, offers insights for joining a conversation and making your way through the party."

Well I have some lines of my own, to neutralise her lines, and make sure the ice remains unbroken. Otherwise people like that will start telling you about their repulsive children, or trying to make jokes.

-“How's life?”-“Shite, as usual.”

-“How do you know the host [hostess]?”-“I’m his probation officer.”

-“This music reminds me of my childhood.”-“I don’t care. I wish I was dead.”

why I hate kids? Listen, and I’ll tell you...” (By this time they will be trying to escape, but I, having foreseen this, am tugging their sleeve.) Another tactic is to be even more boring than they are. So if they start going on about about cars, you up the ante by talking about telegraph poles. I have also memorised a large number of facts about carpets.