1/26/2016

The Filthy Prick Who Made the Planned Parenthood Videos Indicted for Being a Filthy Prick

When last we left the dickface with the creepy cult buzzcut, David Daleiden, he was being celebrated by the Washington Post for being such a clever boy. Why was this pathetic jizz-sock so clever? Because he made up a fake organization and tried to buy baby parts from Planned Parenthood, which wouldn't sell him any baby parts because that's not how it's done, but that didn't stop Daleiden. That testicle wart craftily edited the videos he secretly shot of his attempts to buy baby parts to make them look sinister. Except they weren't and he was and remains either a motherfucking liar and con artist or a delusional shit pile that needs to be stomped and wiped away.

One of the things that Daleiden's Faces of (Fetus) Death fake-ass videos succeeded in doing was giving women-hating Republicans every opportunity to stick a vaginal probe into Planned Parenthood and see what they could find. In Texas, that meant three investigations, including one where Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick asked the District Attorney of Harris County, where Houston is, to convene a grand jury to see just what kind of murder and dismemberment evil Planned Parenthood was up to. The D.A., being a Texas Republican and friend of Patrick, did what she was asked to do and started a criminal inquiry. And, holy shit, the grand jury found criminal activity and indicted the alleged perpetrators.

Except (and this is where it gets hilarious) it wasn't Planned Parenthood. No, the criminals here are the aforementioned dickface, David Daleiden, and an associate who helped him do his fuckery, Sandra Merritt. They were charged with a felony, tampering with government documents, for using fake driver's licenses to trick Planned Parenthood. And Daleiden was charged with...wait for it...trying to purchase baby parts.

Planned Parenthood was cleared of any wrongdoing, as it has in every investigation that this filthy prick caused to be opened against them. Yeah, fuck-ups are bigger in Texas.

As you might expect, the whining from the anti-choice forces has been loud and childish, with Students for Life (which probably describes their profession more than their beliefs) accusing the D.A.'s office of being in the pocket of big abortion: "It’s horrifying that the Houston grand jury failed to indict the organization who was willing to sell baby body parts yet somehow manages to indict the journalist who caught them in the act. The fact that an employee of the District Attorney is on the board of Planned Parenthood confirms an incestuous relationship between corrupt officials in the Harris County DA’s office and the nation’s largest abortion provider."

Or maybe Planned Parenthood is such a mainstream organization that a prosecutor in the office of the Republican District Attorney in Houston, Texas, would be on its board.

Daleiden decided to hide behind what he thinks are the vagaries of journalism, or maybe just the O'Keefe School of Douchenozzle Reporters: "The Center for Medical Progress [his bullshit organization] uses the same undercover techniques that investigative journalists have used for decades in exercising our First Amendment rights to freedom of speech and of the press, and follows all applicable laws."

Yes, everyone knows that Woodward and Bernstein created false driver's licenses to get the Watergate story. Oh, wait, no, they didn't. They had a source who gave them information that they looked into, which is really how real investigative journalists do it. They don't fuckin' put on disguises and pretend they're undercover cops infiltrating the mob. And even if they do, the First Amendment doesn't allow you to break many other laws. You can't scream your beliefs in the middle of a busy street at midnight. That shit gets you arrested, as does tampering with government documents for fun and profit.

But don't worry, oh, sweet, dumb fucks of the nutzoid Christian right. As Andrea Grimes points out in the Texas Observer, the state has your back: "The political waters in Texas run as red today as ever; this probably was quite a shock for an anti-abortion movement accustomed to nothing so much as hearing the word 'yes.' We already know that Texas lawmakers have their eyes on passing laws against fetal tissue donation when the Lege convenes in 2017. Hell, [Attorney General] Ken Paxton’s already laid out his wish list for new abortion restrictions."

If there is one notable thing about the filthy pricks of the hateful Jesus lovers, it is that they are inexhaustible in their madness.