Not talking about strong feelings doesn’t make them go away; in fact, they become more pronounced in our attempts to live as though they don’t exist. The two people in this kind of relationship try to get along by skirting issues, their emotions, and ultimately their deep love for each other, and they end up with a shell of a relationship. (Quote from Cloud and Townsend).

Let us learn to have caring confrontation and emphatic conversation in your marriage, parenting, and friendships, so that your relationships can heal, grow, and be even more intimate. Relationships can heal.

Philippians 2:12-13. Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

There is a saying, “Time heals all.” Time doesn’t heal all. It heals some but buries most. As it states in the verse above, we must actively work out our issues as in doing physical therapy for an injury. The word salvation in this verse could mean both salvation as in going to heaven or ‘salvation’ as in healing from our life’s hurts and problems. God saves us not only for our future glorious eternal life, but He also saves us in this present life on earth by healing in our minds and hearts.

When physical injuries come, to heal completely we need physical therapy. Leaving the injury alone, we will not fully heal. Instead, it will only result in stiffening the joints and muscles. When emotional injuries happen, to heal we too must have emotional growth therapy and resolve the internal conflicts. If not, our emotional “joints and muscles” will stiffen and it will be even more painful when we need to use those emotional “joints and muscles” in the future. This emotional stiffening could be a reason why some find it harder to face anxieties, worries, fears, anger, sadness, and other unpleasant emotions. By avoiding, burying, or over-controlling these feelings and emotional pains, rather than resolving them, we make them inflexible. Thus, the pain remains.

Some ideas for our emotional workout for healing:

Be willing to have the pain. Let go of the struggle to avoid or control your pain.

My thoughts about leadership (this is not my political views or about politics):

Trump won the election. Many people felt shocked and amazed. I too am amazed. The future will only tell what Trump will do in America – good or bad. But I asked myself, “Is there something to be learned from this shocking news about what people want in leadership, which could apply to us.” Why did the US people choose Trump with all his character flaws?

In the many theories that the experts put forward, one stood out the most. It speaks of the heart and emotional needs of the people.

“Trump listened to the American people, the working class.”

“He remembered the forgotten men and women of America, the working class.”

“The Democrats and the left “have given up/abandoned/lost touch with the working class.”

Is there something we can learn as we lead our churches? Are we in touch with our “working class” people and their needs in our churches? Do they feel listened to, cared for, and loved? Do we hear their pain? Or are we, like the Democrats, think we are meeting their needs, or assumed they are fine when they are actually hurting inside.

This is something to ponder – the needs of the “working class” as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 12:21-16 – the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honourable we bestow the greater honour.

There is a danger of being too busy and not being able to hear the voice of the “working class” in our churches. If we slow down just for a moment, have a meal with them like Jesus, perhaps just perhaps we will see something different that we have never seen before.

Conflicts happen. Misunderstandings occur. Situations that trigger our painful emotions arise. Unfortunately, we as human beings tend to do things to control or avoid facing these emotional situations. We get angry. We comply unwillingly. We detach and sooth ourselves with harmful behaviours. We avoid dealing with our conflicts in fear of more conflicts. As a result, we end up exasperating ourselves more and add more frustration in our relationships with others.

This Emotional Honesty Workshop will teach us how to be vulnerable with ourselves and others so that we can reduce conflicts, draw closer, and be more honest with those who are important to us in life.

When you feel emotional pain, it is because you care. We do not hurt about things or people that are not important to us. So when you do things to shut down or avoid your pain, you will slowly shut down what your heart desires. Take a moment, and listen to your pain. What is it telling you that you desire? Listen to it carefully or you might miss something important for you.