Silent Treatment And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
================
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
.'''.
' '
'. .'
'.'
'
'
'
/")\
/ /\ \
/ ()""() ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
|=( . .)
| '(o)|
/______|
| |
_ / ____ \ _
( ) / \ ( )
|_|/ \|_| tre
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011
Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click
on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up.
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html
OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
Please MAIL it here:
Elrhea Bigham
502 S. Harrison
Van Wert, OH 45891
*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY!
================
>-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
.--,
.-. __,,,__/ |
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We've Been Hit By A SUPER BIG BALL OF CUTENESS From our
friend Linda! She is tipping our cuteness scale with
these three hot new pages for us!
This first one is so cute it will have you saying 'awww'
all the way through it! So grab your heartstrings on
this one and check out...
__
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\__(-) __)
/\ (
/(_)___)
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| \
ejm97 m m
Finger Monkeys
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monkey.html
This next one is like the one above only it is full of
all kinds of heart emotions! Baby Koala twins are
rescued in this heart felt cutesy one!
__ __
/" "\ /" "\
( (\ )___( /) )
\ /
/ \
/ () ___ () \
| ( ) |
\ \_/ /
\...__!__.../
" mh
Koala Twins
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalatwins.html
This last hot tottie It is so adorable, it will make you want
to share it with all the people you want to be saying 'awww'!
Check it out here...
.-. .-.
| \/ |
/, ,_ `'-.
.-|\ /`\ '.
.' 0/ | 0\ \_ `".
.-' _,/ '--'.'|#''---'
`--' | / \#
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Margaret The Giraffe!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giraffe.html
---
...Way over the cutie top! Love them! Thanks Linda!!
-<>-
*~* We've Had A Tremendous Month Of Caring And Sharing!
,-----.
/ \--.
| / \
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| |\ \,---. \ \ \,---.
| |,---. `.\ \,---. `.
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Be Sure To Visit And Pass These On To Your Friends And Family:
90/10 Principle!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giving.html
Baby Thoughts!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html
Jesus Clinic!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html
Look Who's Talking 5!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking5.html
Mystery Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mart.html
Attitude Is Everything 5!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude5.html
Deer Hunter Story!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerhunter.html
In Days Past!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html
Men Will Be Boys!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html
Luxury Golf Carts!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfcarts.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html
At The Car Wash!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carwash.html
Margaret The Giraffe!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giraffe.html
*~* SPECIAL THANKS AND HUGS TO ALL OUR ANGELS AND CONTRIBUTORS!
--- You Are A Big Part Of The Light In Our Lives ---
==================================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
The Cookbook
_ ______
| | | Two confirmed bachelors sat talking,
| | COOK | / their conversation drifted from politics
| | BOOK | .----/. to cooking. "I got a cookbook once,"
| | | |`-...-`| said one, "but I could never do anything
|_|______| \ / with it."
'---'
"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way: 'Take
a clean dish'".
======================================================================
+------------ More Bizarre April Holidays -----------+
April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day
April 12 is Look Up At The Sky Day
April 13 is Blame Somebody Else Day
April 14 is National Pecan Day
April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day
April 16 is National Stress Awareness Day and National
Eggs Benedict Day
April 17 is National Cheeseball Day
April 18 is International Jugglers Day
April 19 is Garlic Day
April 20 is Look Alike Day
================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
>A Boy, A Man, And A Donkey:
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people
who remarked it was a shame the old man
was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,
so they changed positions.
Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,
What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.'
So they then decided they'd both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought
they were stupid to walk when they had a
decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people
who shamed them by saying how awful to
put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man figured they were probably right,
so they decide to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge,
they lost their grip on the animal
and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone,
you might as well...
\
/\/\
/ / /
_/,/ /
_/` (/"/////,
( '```--.___
/' _), ,- '-.
/, / \ (\ \,
\_()/ \) )' =_ )) |
| | .// _/)
( ( \_ // /
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Kiss your Ass goodbye!
---
...LOL Thanks Linda!
So True! Just please God - He's the only one that matters
in the long run any way!
==========================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
__ __
( _) ( _)
/ / \\ / /\_\_
/ / \\ / / | \ \
/ / \\ / / |\ \ \
/ / , \ , / / /| \ \
/ / |\_ /| / / / \ \_\
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| / |/ 0 \0\ \ / | | \ \\
| |\| \_\_ / / | \ \\
| | |/ \.\ o\o) / \ | \\
\ | /\\`v-v / | | \\
| \/ /_| \\_| / | | \ \\
| | /__/_ / _____ | | \ \\
\| [__] \_/ |_________ \ | \ ()
/ [___] ( \ \ |\ | | //
| [___] |\| \| / |/
/| [____] \ |/\ / / ||
snd ( \ [____ / ) _\ \ \ \| | ||
\ \ [_____| / / __/ \ / / //
| \ [_____/ / / \ | \/ //
| / '----| /=\____ _/ | / //
__ / / | / ___/ _/\ \ | ||
(/-(/-\) / \ (/\/\)/ | / | /
(/\/\) / / //
_________/ / /
\____________/ (
>ALL IS VANITY
(By list member Anita Evridge)
What do you long for?
What do you see?
New set of golf clubs?
Big screen TV?
Perhaps that new auto
Waxed and polished to shine
Perhaps long vacations,
Perhaps vintage wine,
Perhaps gold and silver,
Perhaps stock and trade,
Whatever the treasure,
There's more to be said.
What do you chase after?
What's your desire?
Tight-fisted handshakes
And deals to conspire
Long-winded lunches
And phone-calls galore
Never enough,
We always want more.
Our schedules are crunching,
While we're power-lunching,
After we sail
Through notes and voice-mail
In between the beeping
And the meetings we're keeping,
The parties, the closings,
The finagling and scheming,
The planning, preparing,
Projecting and dreaming.
These things are important
For success, tis true,
But there is one important
Question to pursue:
When does enough become enough?
One day, we are spying,
The object we're eyeing,
The next day we're buying
After it sits around for a while,
It ends up in the garage sale pile,
To be sought after again
By those hunting bargains.
We then take the money
To buy other stuff.
When does enough become enough?
One eye on the prize,
The other on the Joneses prize,
When will we realize,
That these are merely lies,
One man's junk,
Another man's treasure,
One man's work,
Another man's pleasure.
When does enough become enough?
From dust did we come,
To dust we return,
And between the seeking and finding
We learn
That life becomes more
Than worldly pursuit
That objects are objects,
But life is the root,
That we weary ourselves to this aimless end,
And there is no way
To start over again
And we finally come to this grim reality,
That all this is vanity.
There is nothing better for a man
Than to enjoy the works of his hands,
And to eat and drink in harmony
In peace and in prosperity,
With little trouble or strife,
For this is God's gift in life.
Those who possess it are blessed indeed,
For contentment in soul,
And fulfillment of need,
For a man who is happy with his lot,
Enjoys much and toils not.
So remember the Creator in the days
When we are young,
And He will be our hope
For this life under the sun,
And when we rise to greet His embrace,
Perhaps we will have a smile on our face,
And not worry about the things we leave behind
Like our golf clubs,
Our Big Screen TVs,
And new car polished to shine.
All is vanity, this is reality.
The thing we should pursue
Is eternity.
-<>-
The Laugh
() ()
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|| %%%%%
|| Zzzz! %%%()% ___ ._._
|| / %%%%\\-. |\ /_0_\\
||...)))))___.........%%%%%()\\~~\~~~ \
|\ //- >-\_ \ //\ \ \// |""""""""|
| \ \ _O_// / \\ \ \_/ ,.| JRO|
\ \ / / \\/ \/ \
\ \/ /\' ' \ '(__\____/\ \_
\ \ \ \ \ _..-------\'--~
\ \_\.\.-~~-..--~~~~ \
\.-
>The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at
5:00 AM."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't awoke him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
-<>-
>Quick Jokes
The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had
come to America on the Mayflower. Their line had included senators,
pastors, and Wall Street wizards.
Now they decided to compile a family history, a legacy for the
children. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose: how to
handle that great-uncle who was executed in the electric chair. The
author said not to worry, that he could handle that section of history
tactfully.
When the book appeared, the family turned to the section on Uncle
George. There they read, "George Smith occupied a chair of applied
electronics at an important government institution and was attached to
his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a real shock."
--------
_
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| | | \ | /
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jgs_/\_/\_/\_ _/_/\_/\_/\_((_|\((_//\_/\_/\_/\_
A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.
The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and
purred..."I'll die for you!"
The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked,
"How many times?".
--------
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the
metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag
migratory birds, has been changed. The bands used to bear the address
of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: "Wash. Biol. Surv."
until the agency received the following letter from a camper:
"Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a
crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to
tell you, it was horrible."
The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.
-<>-
__
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I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-
impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular
degeneration, which makes it very difficult for them to distinguish
facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was
introducing myself.
Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I
jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that
I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford."
Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"
--------
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a
long holiday weekend.
The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in
front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him
toward a vacant pump.
"Preacher," said the young man, "I'm sorry about the delay. It seems as
if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my
business."
---------
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Stopping at a restaurant advertising a "Unique Breakfast," a man asked
the waitress what this was, and was told, "Baked chicken tongue."
"That's disgusting!" the man said. "I'd never eat something that came
out of a chicken's mouth."
"What would you like then?" the waitress asked.
"Oh, just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
SUBSCRIBE INFO
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===================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From Emergency Email: CYBERALERT
A nationwide breach of email databases is unfolding and affecting
banks and many large corporations that collect email from customers.
CyberAlert: Email and Personal Information Security Breach
http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=1012&z=29
-<>-
[POLITICS]
>From Vision To America News:
TEA Party Nation Calls to Dump Boehner as Speaker and Congressman
http://tinyurl.com/3gldlz6
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Typically, I shy away from stories involving death. It is improper,
impolite, disrespectful and just plain creepy. But then there are
stories like this...
It seems a 19-year-old man plunged to his death after he crashed
through a window at an arena during a concert in Pittsburgh, police
said. Tragic.
I know what you're thinking; the arena was so packed that the young man
was helplessly squashed against the window until the pressure shattered
the glass and he fell to his death. Or maybe he leaned or pressed
against it casually and a cracked pane or shoddy installation made the
window pop out, precipitating him 30 feet to the pavement below.
Nope. Reports say the man, Joseph K., got down in a football stance,
yelled "hike," and then charged the inch-thick double-paned safety
window.
He plunged to "a sloped hillside bordering a cement walkway," according
to the local paper.
Police Lt. Daniel Herrmann said Joseph K. was reportedly, "a little out
of it." However toxicology reports are pending.
Well, when you are "a little out of it" and your friends are egging you
on, a person tends to do stupid things, like the teenager from a few
weeks ago who leapt off the Golden Gate Bridge after his friends dared
him.
Maybe if Joseph K. had been at the concert with his friends he might
still be alive, but that night he was there with his father who,
according to the story, survived the evening.
-- 3 daughters, 3 births, 3 days ---
ST. CLOUD, Minn. - St. Cloud, Minn., grandparents Mike and Joan Benda
welcomed three new granddaughters within three days of each other this
month, family members said. Their oldest daughter, Katie Larson, 30,
gave birth to MaKenna March 14 in Minneapolis where she lives with
husband Andrew and daughter Alexa, 1. Taylor Orth was born March 15 to
their middle daughter Michele Orth, 29, in Otsego, Minn., where she
lives with husband, Jesse, and son Cameron, 2. Melissa Valen, 29,
Michele's identical twin, gave birth to Lyla March 16. They live in
Albert-ville, Minn., with husband Andrew and two children Faith, 7, and
Jakob, 2. The excitement of the triple births started to build as each
daughter announced due dates days apart and then said all the babies
would be girls. Coincidences multiplied as the granddaughters arrived
in their mothers' birth order. The granddaughters even fall in order
for height and weight. "This is a wild family," Faith Valen told the
St. Cloud Times as she watched her toddler cousins playing and the new
arrivals being rocked to sleep in the arms of her grandparents.
-- Georgia house infested with 20,000 bats ---
TIFTON, Ga. - An empty home in Georgia is infested with as many as
20,000 bats and officials say they've declared it unfit for human
habitation until the bats are cleared. "The interior and exterior walls
are just full of guano," Melissa Skidmore of Tru Tech, an animal
removal service, said of the home in Tifton, Ga. "Some of it is old and
has turned to dust and it is just a cocktail of pathogens. People going
in will need proper equipment to cover their skin, clothes and noses.
We are talking about between 10,000 and 20,000 bats," Skidmore told The
Tifton Gazette Monday. The infestation of Mexican free-tailed bats was
one of the worse she had ever seen, she said. A local code enforcement
officer said he had no choice but to post the declaration when he saw
several live bats upstairs and spotted several dead bats on the bottom
floor of the house. Local real estate agent Julie Smith said the house
is in foreclosure with an agency that has a buyer interested in
purchasing the house. "The goal is for everyone to work together so
that a family can live here safely," Smith said.
---
...I think I'd choose another home.
-<>-
>From Archive CoffeeBreak:
Specter deer inhabit Wisconsin woods
Pale white deer are becoming a local source of pride and
curiosity in rural northern Wisconsin. Biologists note an
active population of the rare deer has existed in the area
since at least the 1950s, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
reports. Brian Kirkpatrick, professor of genetics at the
University of Wisconsin, said the deer are not albinos, as
they have pale blue eyes, in contrast to the pink eyes of
true albinos. Wildlife photographers flocked to the area
recently to take advantage of the increased sightings.
Jeff Richter, a wildlife photographer and co-author of the
book "White Deer: Ghosts of the Forest," told the Sentinel
"these white deer really get a hook into people." Jeffery
Phelps, a photographer for the Sentinel, took his son to
experience the rare deer, telling him he may never have
another experience like this in his life. "It's like a
white flash," Phelps said of spotting the deer.
Foreigners attracted to goat man
Visitors are flocking to an Indiana farm where they can
slaughter their own goats. The farm, where the motto is
"You Buy -- You Kill -- You Dress -- You Take Home," was
founded in 1999, about 20 miles from Indianapolis by
80-year-old Tom Prince, who developed a taste for goat meat
during the Depression, The Indianapolis Star reported
Sunday. Since then, it has attracted customers -- who know
Prince as "goat man" -- from countries such as Eritrea,
Pakistan and Mexico where goat meat is a dietary staple.
Visitors to the farm are attracted by the chance to
slaughter meat according to their cultural and religious
traditions -- and the low price of the fresh meat does not
hurt either, the newspaper said. It is not uncommon,
Prince said, for fathers to bring their sons and teach them
how to slaughter the animals. Prince sells about 50 goats
each weekend, the newspaper said, but about twice as many
before religious holidays.
Life's a beach for dogs, seniors
Elderly pets and elderly citizens joined forces in Monroe,
Wash., to enjoy the last warm days before winter as part of
a dog rescue shelter's adoption effort. Pasado's Safe
Haven animal shelter is teaming retirees with older dogs
abandoned by their owners. Groups of volunteers take the
elderly dogs to weekly trips to the beach, which was just
right for the tired bodies of all involved. "It's giving
their life back," Pasado's founder Susan Michaels told The
Seattle Times. John Wagner, a Boeing retiree, fosters a
deaf and blind cocker spaniel, a Labrador whose previous
owners had severed her vocal chords, and five other elderly
canines. "We're a pack," Warner said, covered with sand
from a day at the beach. Pasado's Safe Haven fosters many
of the dogs at its American Association for Retired Fidos
and Felines, or AARFF. "They still have a lot of life
left," Warner said of his favorite beach buddies.
=================================================================
>-->From TheMouthPiece:
____
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"
-------------- Thought Provoking Statements ---------------
* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.
* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before
you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or
understand a word they said?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars team up to prevent a butthead from cutting in at the
front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're
sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a
little too far.
* Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive
times and still not know what time it is.
* Even under ideal conditions people have trouble
locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell
phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet
everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
time!
=============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
____
/(( ))
( )6 6( )
(_) l (_)
\ <> )
____) (_____
( \____/ )
) ( )( ) (
/ / \ / \ \
/ / \ / \ \
\ \ )==( / /
\ \ / \ / /
'\\/ \//'
A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver's
license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well.
She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and
winds up a couple of feet from the curb.
"Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks.
The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over
toward the examiner. "Now what?"
-<>-
_"_ %
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########
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/:\
|/|, b'ger
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat
together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel
operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen
in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his
wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having
a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and
dock it."
So she drove the boat to shore.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where
her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him,
switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the
kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the
table, cook dinner and wash the dishes."
-<>-
A lawyer walks into his client's death row cell and says,
"I've got good news, and bad news for you.. " The prisoner
says. " Okay. What's the bad news? " "The bad news is that
the Governor won't issue a stay of your execution...you go
to the chair at 7 PM tonight." "Oh, that's horrible. What
possibly could be the good news?"
"The good news is that I got your voltage reduced!"
-<>-
George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his
newborn son.
The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to
the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."
The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because
it's a currency.
Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I
called my first two sons Mark and Frank."
-<>-
_
/\,_/\|
/==_ (
(Y_.) / ///
U ) (__,_____) )
)' > `/
|._ _____ |
| | ( \| (
| | | || |
,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_
b'ger . ,-/,_
Police officers in Brockton, Mass received a call regarding
an injured animal lying on a street corner. When they arrived
at the scene they found a dog that had been hit by a car. But
according to the local newspaper, the police report stated
that the dog was okay and "refused medical treatment."
[Thanks to Reader's Digest.]
-<>-
". ,#
\ `-._____,-'=/
____`._ ----- _,'_____PhS
`-----'
You know how in first grade they used fruits to explain
stuff like "one banana plus two bananas make three bananas"?
Here's a list of high school math courses based on bananas:
-----
Algebra I - A
You have a negative banana (possibly made of antimatter).
Add two bananas to it and you get one banana.
Algebra I - B
You have a banana. Factor it, or solve for apples using
the quadratic formula.
Geometry
Prove : Bananas are not vegetables. Given : Bananas are
fruits.
Algebra II
You have an imaginary banana. Square it, and you get one
of those weird anti-matter bananas. The student learns
that their dreams will become reality if they only raise
them to the fourth power.
Pre-Calculus
What is the cosecant of Pi over 2 bananas in a unit apple?
Calculus AB
The student learns to find the slope of a banana.
Calculus BC
The student learns to find the slope of a banana and also
to find the area under the banana.
============================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
|>Dressed for Church
Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin
town were disturbed because a widowed church member and her three
small daughters were staying away from services.
A member of the ladies group carefully approached the widow to
find out what was going on. During a conversation she politely
asked about their absense from Sunday services.
It seems the woman and her daughters were staying away from
services because they had a lack of suitable clothes.
The Methodist ladies group quickly corrected the situation by
generously providing new clothes for the entire family.
When the little girls and their mother still failed to appear
at Sunday School the next weekend, another of the Methodist
women called to inquire about their absence. The mother
sweetly offered thanks to the Methodist Women for the wonderful
new clothing and explained: "The girls looked so nice in their
new clothes, I took them to the Presbyterian church!"
===
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries. To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com or drop
an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please
leave this attached if you forward this to friends.
===
>Free PowerPoint Backgrounds for Worship
Heartlight Powerpoint Backgrounds are free for use in church projection
systems. Use them as communion meditations, song lyric backgrounds,
sermon backgrounds and more! Each one was developed specifically for
use in a worship projection setting. All images are 800x600, however we
display them at a smaller size to accomodate most web browsers. Enjoy,
and tell a friend!
http://www.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/powerpoint.cgi
=================================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
_______/_____
D'-. | / )
'(o)'-.....'(O)' ind
>IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and
scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull
... But that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things
up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and
skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh....
Either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
-<>-
.-. ,
`._ ,
\ \ o
\ `-,.
.'o . `.[] o
___
: : (-~.)
` ' `|'
` ' |
`-. .-' |
-----{. _ _ .}-------------------
>As Dry As They Come
My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the
result standing in front of you, a simpleton.
I had a tragic childhood. My parents never understood me. They were
Japanese.
I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to
have someone her own age in the class to talk to.
If it weren't for marriage, husband and wives would have to fight with
strangers.
After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash
my shorts for a month.
Kippers- fish that like a lot of sleep.
The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver
had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.
It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two
bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.
I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string
section.
Get into yourself to get yourself out of your self. Then try to lose
yourself.
I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were
surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.
We've got stained glass windows in our house. It's those damned pigeons.
You know what they say about stamp collecting. Philately will get you
nowhere.
-<>-
.-.
(/^\)
(\ /)
.-'-.
/(_I_)\
\\) (//
/ \
\ | /
\|/
/|\
\|/
jgs /Y\
>Tips for the ladies in year 2011
1. Aspire to be Barbie - the b-otch has everything.
2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.
3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of
tequila.
4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!
5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).
6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal
with it.
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your
personality.
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me
here...
9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing, and makes you
walk funny.
11. When life gives you lemons - turn it into lemonade then mix it with
vodka.
12. Remember every good looking, sweet, single male is someone else's
ex-boyfriend (or ex husband or he's gay!!)!
-<>-
_,,,_
.' `'.
/ ____ \
| .'_ _\/
/ ) a a|
/ ( > |
( ) ._ /
) _/-.__.'`\
( .-'`-. \__ )
`/ `-./ `.
| \ \ \
jgs | \ \ \ \
|\ `. / / \
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the
other, what would I have?
Little Johnny: Big hands!
-<>-
>The Pager
One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a
national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding
poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding
to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he keeps
being paged by "Lucille."
He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop
paging him.
"She never leaves a number, so I can't call her back," he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was
Lucille if she didn't leave a number.
"She leaves her name," was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the
light bulb came on.
"How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.
"L-O-W C-E-L-L"
==============================================================
>-->From HeartsAndHumor:
____
/ \
/______\
||
||
/~~~~~~\ || /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
/~ ( )( ) ~\ || /~ ( )( )( )( )( ) ~\
(_)======(_) || (_)===============(_)
|________| _||_ |_________________|
Keely 02/94
>I'm not Going to Miss this Sofa.
October 1, 2010, the day my world changed again. The company I worked
for sold. On this day, the papers were to be signed. Two gentlemen from
the new company came to our office. One sat in a spare office. The
other took ownership of the conference room. My co-workers and I tried
to do our duties, but our thoughts were on our fate.
We feigned activity. No work was done.
The deal was to be signed at 10 AM. The minute hand crept past the
hour. There was no indication of our fate from the two men.
Occasionally they stepped outside, smoked, paced and talked on their
cell phones. There was a delay in signing.
We waited.
I was not confident. They had their own project management team. I
feared my fate would be a handshake and an unfeeling, "I'm sorry!"
At 2 PM the slaughter began. I was called into the office. "Mike," the
man said. "In times like this, decisions have to be made ..."
I was out. A six month emotional journey began.
The first few weeks, I sat on my behind on the sofa and brooded. I was
in denial.
What would I do now? I had six months of unemployment insurance to
help, but it paid far less than what my job. Ginny had a job. It would
help us get over the hump. Her job didn't pay much, but we could get by
for a bit, if we were careful. My two weeks of brooding ended. It was
time to make a plan. I needed to get to work. With the help of a
friend, I redid my resume. With an updated profile placed on
the various technical job boards, I waited for the phone to ring.
A month went by. There were no calls from prospective employers or
recruiters.
My excitement dwindled. I sat on the sofa and brooded again.
In November a recruiter called. He wanted to know if I was interested
in a contract position in Indiana. The salary was good. I said, "Yes."
He submitted my resume for the job. A few days later, another recruiter
called. The job was in Washington State.
I started to feel confident. "I'm on a roll!" I thought.
In late November, Ginny came home from work. "Mike, we need to talk."
When she says this, I know it isn't good. "I'm going to lose my job.
The company is going out of business."
Christmas came and went. It was a meager affair. We made the best of
it. The recruiters who submitted my resume never called back. I was
back to brooding, my sofa and the cat.
It was an emotional rollercoaster. I was high with hope, the wind in my
face and then felt the centrifugal force of disappointment, as I
plunged to the bottom of another disappointment.
January's cold was as bitter as my mood. A few recruiters called,
submitted my resume for jobs and never called back. Each time, I felt
the wind in my face and then the pressure of disappointment, as I
plunged back into the hole of despair.
"I'm so tired of this." I said to myself one night. My cat looked up.
"Not you, Kitten! I mean going from job-to-job. I want a position that
will support us."
March winds blew through the Treasure Valley of Idaho. It was the rainy
season.
I sat on the sofa, stared out the window at the grey skies, and watched
the rain fall. The weather reflected my mood. My unemployment would end
in a month, Ginny's a month later. What then?
The phone rang. It was another recruiter. He called about a position in
Boise, twenty miles from my home. Was I interested? I said, "Yes."
After all the other calls, I had no hope.
A few days later, he called back. "Michael, they would like to
interview you over the phone. Are you available on Monday?"
"Absolutely!" I replied, but had no confidence. There were interviews
before. I thought they went well. There were no offers.
I woke early on the appointed day. The phone was to ring at 8 AM. I sat
on the sofa - my new friend - and waited. The phone rang. I jumped and
answered. The interview went well. I refused to get excited. The
thought of plunging into another valley of despair scared me. I'll just
stay at the bottom, thank you very much.
On Friday, April 1st the phone rang. "Michael?"
"Yes?"
"The client wants to bring you on. This is an eight month contract. Are
you willing to accept."
Was it an April Fools joke?
It wasn't.
He was in Texas. I live in Idaho. He's lucky. I would have kissed him.
"Yes, of course."
People say it is like having the weight of the world lifted off your
shoulders.
It's the wrong description. It's like an elephant standing on your
chest. The weight keeps you from breathing. My elephant stepped off. I
can breathe again.
It's time to get to work.
I'm not going to miss this sofa.
NOTE: I start on April 11th . Thank all of you for your constant
prayers during these hard times for me. LOVE YOU ALL
--Michael T. Smith
---
...prayers for Michael - he still needs them as we all do! :)
===================================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Texas Rules Of Etiquette
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html
Small Thoughts
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smallthoughts.html
Chalk Art 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart3.html
Nigerian Dwarf Goat
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goat.html
Albino White Moose
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albinomoose.html
Boeing 787 Dreamliner
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/b787.html
Classic Chevy Collection
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html
Lighthouses Of The World
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lighthouses.html
Strange Hotels
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildings.html
Northern Lights Over Teepees
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teepees.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
Fun Christian YouTubes:
Stethoscope Man "Christ Lives in You"...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P59bUbkiXSk
Stethoscope Man 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FveAep-GqGM
Stethoscope Man - perhaps the best one..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjCeUJpk_WM&NR=1
---
...Sweet! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant photos
http://goo.gl/OWqUS
ripped : aurora gallery
http://goo.gl/sK0CU
---
...Awesome! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From TheMouth:
Room for Both of You - Grumpy Old Men ...
This hilarious video clip features John Gustafson (Jack
Lemmon) as he arrives thunderously at the local bait shop
and chews the fat with its proprietor Chuck (Ossie Davis)
about the outrageous price of bait.
http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=16762
Funny Animal Vids
Get a very funny and most of the times cute video clip of
animals. Let Funny Animal Video 'tweets' put a smile on
your face!
Visit: http://twitter.com/FunnyAnimalVids
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Don't Eat While Driving
http://www.buffaloschips.com/t54.htm
Energy Star
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gre3.htm
Exam
http://www.buffaloschips.com/34t.htm
Future Engineers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9o7.htm
Glock Home Protection
http://www.buffaloschips.com/78i6.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
===========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A recent study has found that some girls start to learn
cruelty and manipulation as young as three years old – or
as Martha Stewart calls them - 'late bloomers'. "
--Conan O'Brien
"NASA just released their new report on global warming or,
as President Bush, calls it--Spring." --Jay Leno
"Toyota is recalling 600,000 minivans because the spare
tire holder can break and the spare tire can go flying
down the highway. It's bad enough Toyota cars can run
you off the road — now the parts are chasing you down
the street."
- Jay Leno
"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that
can be done just as easily lying down."
- Woody Allen
"Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good
stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it
don't go up, don't buy it."
- Will Rogers
"If I ever got divorced, on the singles scene I'd be worth
about as much as an eight-track at a garage sale."
--Robert G. Lee
"My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married.
She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I
can...she's always on my back." --Scott Wood
"Ummm... a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if
you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this
50 cent piece has your name on it." --Vince Vaughn in SWINGERS
"Bad cholesterol is the kind that clogs arteries, shoplifts
lipstick and lies under oath."
A peculiar posting appeared one day on the company bulletin
board. It read: Used tombstone for sale. Ideal for Person
Named "Murphy."
"There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid
the labor of thinking."
- Thomas A. Edison
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about
life: it goes on."
- Robert Frost
"I have such poor vision I can date anybody."
- Garry Shandling
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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