School lunch will never be the same now that Capri Sun Beef has hit the market. “It’s eight meaty ounces of cow in a pouch!”

I can hear the vegan uproar already. “We don’t drink beef, so you can’t have it in your impenetrable juice pouches either!” Well, too bad broccoli wads. I’m going to slurp all the insoluble fat sludge I want, and there’s nothing you can do about it. What? These don’t actually exist? Damn you Jimmy Kimmel!

About Colin Joliat...
Colin Joliat is the 2nd best person to ever come from Flint, Michigan, behind only Andre "Bad Moon" Rison. He covers the food & alcohol industries with two parts information, one part comedy, and one part WTF is wrong with this guy. He's currently pretending people care about his new drunken venture, Boozist.