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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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Baghdad Hob

October 08, 2011

Hobspin has a great new article up on the buzz around a special team’s unit that currently ranks 15th in DVOA. Granted, Mike Nugent has nailed all ten of his field goal attempts all season, and after the joys last year of watching a guy named Clint Stitser spasm his way to two missed PAT’s and the whole unit work its way to the 28th rank in DVOA, this season appears a revelation. However, there are two problems with Hobspin’s point. One, as I’ll continue to proclaim to the day I die of multiple cleat-wounds to the chest, kicking accuracy is not consistent year-to-year and thus not an actual skill. Nugent, like all kickers with high field-goal percentages, will regress sooner than later. Second, Brandon Tate, he of the average kickoff and punt return numbers, really doesn’t seem like that explosive a returner. All he does on punt returns is make a bunch of fancy moves that make Bengals fans gasp with anticipation before realizing that he’s been taken down for a single-digit gain, and also that they’re still wasting their time watching Mikey Boy’s footballers. Hobspin’s implication that Tate will soon become a great returner because he’s an explosive player (which somehow hasn’t led to any results in 2+ NFL seasons) and is being coached by the immortal Darrin Simmons (whose credentials are lazily awed at by Hobspin because of the Bengals ’05 and ’09 playoff berths, during which his unit ranked 14th and 21st, respectively) really doesn’t make any sense. Special teams won’t be a struggle this season like last year—it just won’t be especially strong.

Football Outsiders has some interesting data in a recent column, distinguishing early-season offensive sack numbers by whether they were given up long after the snap (3 seconds or more) or shortly after (2.5 seconds or less). So far, the Bengals have conceded the sixth-most “long snaps”. The Bengals' just below-average adjusted sack rate for this season, based on this, is a testament to the offensive line (mostly Andrew Whitworth’s elite play and the others’ non-Levi Jones-ness) and also the skill players like Jermaine Gresham and the backs who have stayed in to pass block. Many sacks have been due to Andy Dalton holding on to the ball and not porous blocking, showing that Dalton still has much developing to do (shocking) and that the Bengals offense might benefit from opening things up a bit. Right now, the Bengals receivers are having trouble getting open quickly, facing double-teams (especially AJ Green) without tight ends and backs to consistently take the attention away from them; this problem can be reduced by leaving less men in to block, which the o-line, especially with the return of Bobbie Williams, might be able to handle.

The game against the Jaguars, like most of them at this point, serves as a barometer for where the Bengals are. Jacksonville has played like one of the worst teams in the league, with a decent defense but perhaps the worst offense in the NFL. For the Bengals to prove that they’ve made progress, that they actually aren’t a bottom-dwelling team, they need to not just win the game, but do so in a more convincing fashion than against Cleveland or Buffalo. As long as the Bengals can stop Maurice Jones-Drew and Dalton limits his mistakes, they should be fine; if the defense can’t stop the run even when facing a rookie quarterback and Dalton can’t avoid stupid plays even when the opposing offense can’t do anything, then it’ll be yet another close game. And yes, I do realize that the Jaguars are actually favored tomorrow, but I'm not sure how many people in Las Vegas watched Blaine Gabbert last week.

Just a quick reminder, even though most people probably don’t need it: if the Bengals win tomorrow, getting above .500 and within half-a-game of first (because yeah, that’s a possibility), don’t go to any games this season. You want to watch Andy Dalton and AJ Green and Jermaine Gresham on good teams, playing in important and well-publicized games? Force change; force good ‘ole Mikey Boy to care about limiting our dissatisfaction with his mom-and-pop organization. This is the only way we can one day reveal we’re Bengals fans without making a self-deprecating joke!

March 24, 2011

I've often thought that maybe WDR should simply become a FJM-style blog dedicated solely to everything posted on Bengals.com. It's like a chinese mega-factory committed solely to producing prolific quantities of nonsense instead of super awesome lead-based toys. It alone could generate all the material we'd ever need for this site.

With the collective bargaining agreement now dead five years after he was one of just two that told their fellow owners it was no good, he typically stayed in the background while the Giants' John Mara mused, "We should have listened to him."

That sentence makes me weep for the english language.

And yeah John Mara, you should have listened to Mike. It really sucked to have labor peace, football being played, and everyone making money.

In case you are wondering, nowhere in this article will you find out with any specificity why Mike Brown labeled the last CBA "no good". I am sure he gave the reasons at some point. I don't remember myself but I assume it involved the omission of a "Denny's Clause".

"Obviously, you have to say he was ahead of his time," said Colts owner Jim Irsay, smiling at the incongruity and truth of the statement.

Agreed. If by "ahead of his time" you mean he wanted the owners to offer the players a horrible deal five years before and ruin football for America even earlier.

But Brown wasn't saying "I told you so" this week after he and the Bills' Ralph Wilson were ripped for being out of touch as the only two to vote against extending the collective bargaining agreement in 2006.

The whole premise of this angle Hob takes is fucked. Exactly why does a lockout today, after half a decade of enormously successful and popular NFL seasons that resulted from the last CBA, mean that the last CBA was somehow a disaster that only Mike and Ralph foresaw would ruin everything? The answer is that agreeing to the last CBA ruined nothing.

What is ruining everything is that somehow the owners decided they need to make MORE money even though the overwhelming majority of them have the major cost (stadium) of their monopoly business picked up by taxpayers.

"That was last time. That’s water over the damn. That’s history," Brown said this week.

Water over the damn? But did it also go under the bridge? I'm so confused. Maybe Mike stole that metaphor from Peter King, that would explain a lot. At any rate, Hob is really "digging himself into a corner" with this angle, hopefully we can move on soon.

"Ralph and him, they were visionaries on those things that ended up a tougher deal for us," Irsay said.

Nope. Guess we can't.

Let us all hope and pray that this will be the last time anyone labels Mike Brown a "visionary". He is blessed with actual eyesight to be sure, but not the kind of vision you get compliments for. Insight? No. Foresight? No. Any other type of sight that implies fans of your team will have hope for a superbowl win? No.

Richardson says Brown "is an independent thinker and doesn't take long to say what he wants to say." Those are traits that have often put Brown on an island in ownership.

I'd say what puts Mike Brown on an island in ownership mostly is his backward infrastructure and his ability to lose consistently in a league designed for parity. But that's just me. Also, independent thinking is great...if thinking is that person's strong suit. I'd prefer that Mike had someone else doing his thinking for him.

Good God though. I'm getting quite sick of all this Mike Brown praise. Who could bring a wet blanket to this love fest? The Steelers of course.

October 13, 2010

But don't just take fake Peter King's word for it, go get confirmation straight from the source. That's right, that warped funhouse of misinformation and insanity Bengals.com. Normally it's dangerous to walk amongst its mirrored hallways of infintely reflected madness, but it's the bye week. So fuck it. Let's take a stroll.

Are the Bengals concerned about giving away two of only a small handful of games where they will likely enter as favorites?

We’ll watch the film and everybody is going to see something they could have done better, which in turn makes everybody work harder.

We have heard this literally after every loss since things started downhill in the 2nd half of 2009, and probably earlier. For example last week Marv said "But that’s where we are, and we’ve got to work at the positives of it and do more things right for a longer period of time." Easy part of your schedule just ended. Lockout looms next year. There is no more longer period of time to wait to improve.

On Palmer's play:

“I’m not going to put the blame on anybody,” [Brat] said.

No worries. Cause I put it on you. And Carson. See how easy it is to blame? Check out the tag to this column, Brat. I even try to pin Katrina on you, you ass.

On the awful 3rd & 13 interception:

The route ended up inside further than it should be, so the ball ended up further outside than it should be. When the quarterbacks throw it, they throw it prior to the break. The ball was still right there.

September 20, 2010

1. Zimmer. Glad to see he didn't pull a Breshnahan again this week. He clearly won the chess match yesterday, and the players executed his plan perfectly.

2. Geno Atkins (#97) & Pat Sims (#90). Any time Flacco dropped back to pass, at least one of these two guys were collapsing the pocket and forcing Flacco to hurry his throws. Everyone in the media is always fascinated by the glamorous sack stat. Don't fall for it.

For example, Hob clings to the sack stats when defending the actually terrible 2007 Bengal's OL which caused Palmer to learn some bad habits that he is still trying to work through. It is pressure that really effects the opponents QB efficiency rating by forcing the QB to hurry and make poor decisions. No pressure the first week = Brady 120.9 with a 71.4% completion percentage (seemed like 95% while watching the game). Constant pressure from the front four this Sunday = Flacco 23.8 with a 43.6% completion rate and four INT's. According to the NFL stats, no Bengal defensive player recorded a single sack against the Ravens. I would be perfectly happy if this team doesn't get another sack the rest of the season, as long as they produce like they did Sunday.

3. Bengals OL. It wasn't pretty, but they managed to give Palmer the time and space he needs. Even with the rotating timeshare at RT, they picked up almost every blitz package and stunt the Ravens threw at them. Roland held his own against Suggs for the most part, which is a very difficult thing to accomplish. Personally, I think the RT timeshare is as cheesy in football as it is in real estate, and Smith has to take over the position to solidify the OL at some point.

The Bad:

1. Palmer. He had the time and space and he couldn't take advantage of it. His poor performance yesterday made this game a nail biter when it shouldn't have been even close. The mistakes made Sunday are the remaining scars of the years of abuse he took behind a sub-par OL from 2006 to 2008. Unfortunately, his recovery is a work in progress and it will take time to work these things out since they are mostly mental. The throwing errors we are seeing are most likely from Palmer still feeling like he needs to force his throws to avoid being hit. His passes are either too early, too late, or off target because of this.

The good news is that his mechanics and footwork have improved dramatically compared to the previous two seasons, but his read and reaction skills are still a few steps behind. Does this mean Palmer is done? In this case, we have to ask WWLD? I think Lando would recommend the same treatment that he recommended while his men are getting blown to hell: "we have to give him more time." He just needs to learn to relax and play football again, and I expect that we will see Palmer work out these mistakes as the season goes on if the OL can continue to give him the security he needs in the pocket. If the OL continues to provide space for him and he doesn't improve, then yes he is done. So the jury is still out.

2. Batman and Robin's hands. Johnson has never been good at catching a ball while running toward the interior of the field, and this weakness was showcased Sunday with several dropped balls. TO had one or two catchable TD passes and he couldn't bring them in. From the past two weeks only, it seems like if you can cover TO tight, he can't concentrate on catching the ball. TO's decrease in speed doesn't help out in this department either. I still believe he would be better in the slot than as the #2 since he would have more favorable personnel match ups and routes that get him open by taking advantage of the seams in the zones and exploit his ability to get some YAC's like we witnessed against the Ravens.

3. Gresham's blocking. I wrote at the end of the preseason that we would see Benson get blown up a couple of times while running the stretch play because of his inexperience. However, Bratkowski continues to test Gresham's improvement at the most inconvenient times. There were a couple of 3rd and short plays where they ran toward Gresham's side; almost every time he whiffed and Benson was blown up. They either need to: a) stop calling this play on third and short; b) teach the kid to block aggressively really quick; or c) fire Bratkowski.

September 03, 2010

We've noted around these parts that reading Hobspin is for humor purposes only, and likely detrimental to actually knowing what is going on with the Bengals. Loyal comrade Tito 3:16 safely stopped after the first paragraph, but was still fired up enough to email us a lengthy diatribe. If there's one thing we definitely support at WDR it's lengthy diatribes, so take it away Tito...

The first paragraph from Hobson’s latest blog entry speaks volumes about his journalistic skills and the integrity of the Bengals organization:

If the burning issues are kicker, backup quarterback, the fifth and sixth receivers, and the fourth safety, things can’t be all that bad. It’s not ideal, but there are teams in their own division grappling with much larger issues. The Ravens are piecing together a secondary, the Steelers are trying to get to 2-2 without Ben Roethlisberger and maybe a veteran right tackle, and the Browns are trying to find a running game because if they put it all on Jake Delhomme…

OK…let’s just go in order here...we still don’t know who our opening day kicker is going to be, and that’s because neither guy has done anything in pre-season to separate themselves. They’ve both been extremely lackluster. Great…more of Shayne Graham. And the ineptitude of the Bengals shows here by not investing in a kicker.

August 25, 2010

The Bengals defense is good. Some are hoping they will be great. Which probably depends on the pass rush improving. Which probably depends on Antwam Odom. Which clearly depends on his health. Which conveniently Hob dedicated a whole article to on bengals.com. Let's take a look:

The comeback trail for Antwan Odom hasn’t been exactly a walk in the park. It’s been more like a marathon through a minefield.

Fraught with peril!

The latest glitch came against Denver Aug. 15 when he reaggravated an old meniscus injury in his knee and he’s been shelved since.

Hmmm, that is somewhat disconcerting.

That came after he sat out about a week of training camp when he got sick and lost enough weight to drop him to about 250 pounds.

Let's just hope that's water weight mostly.

The bout got Odom a little concerned because that’s not far off where he played in 2008, a season that was disappointing enough that he vowed to show up at about 280 pounds the next year. And it worked. The added weight didn’t hurt his speed but gave him enough strength that he was able to work inside at tackle and cause a bevy of matchup problems.

Am I the only one who thinks maybe Hob shouldn't say, let alone repeat endlessly, how Odom massively increased his weight without losing speed? Move along folks, nothing to see here.

It helps that he’s sleeping better, too. One of the reasons that Odom showed up in such great shape last season is he had his sleep apnea diagnosed.

Hob: sleeping adds muscle. Fact.

He goes onto say the apnea also triggers occasional narcolepsy, which occurred once while he drove. Should potential car crash injury be listed as a health concern?

Odom says he’s been able to control it with medication and the machine he uses during the night has also been a big help to monitor the sleep apnea. He says the machine played a role in his sickness because he went for a few weeks not using it because of his travel schedule and it developed bacteria. “You wake up 10 times an hour, how much sleep are you going to get?” Odom asked.

Sleep apnea sounds fucking awful.

The big question remains the Achilles. This is a guy whose game is built on speed and first-step quickness and they say this type of injury is like an ACL. It will be better in Year Two rather than the first year of rehab.

(cringing)

“So far, so good,” he said.

Recovering achilles. Aggravated knee. Sleep apnea. Driving hazard. I'm not sure what I found good about any of this.

Regardless, here's hoping. No matter Odom's condition the defense will be reliable, which as a Bengals fan I still having trouble adjusting to.

August 16, 2010

First team defense, kinda bad. First team offense, kinda good. Penalties, still bad. Bernard Scott, still good. Dan Coats catching a pass, WTF?! You've seen the game. So have I. There's nothing new to add. So instead let's spend this time FJM'ing Hob's post game writing because ripping apart someone else's article is so much easier than writing one myself.

OK, OK, so it’s not Bruce Springsteen appearing on the covers of Time and Newsweek the same week. But the Bengals have seen the future of third down and it is rookie tight end Jermaine Gresham and rookie wide receiver Jordan Shipley.

Try to logically connect those two sentences. Spoiler alert: you will fail. Another quintessential Hob opening.

Gresham continued his quiet progress to become the first rookie to appear as the Opening Day depth chart starter since fullback Jeremi Johnson in 2003. With five catches for 50 yards against Denver at Paul Brown Stadium, Shipley is now the frontrunner to man the slot in three-receiver sets.

Let's hope the similarities with Jeremi end there. And while I believe Shipley holds promise, the time when I really begin to go postal about the whole Antonio Bryant signing (yeah, remember him?) rapidly approaches.

“Wait until you see ‘Glance’ on film,” said quarterback Carson Palmer as he walked past offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski on the way out of the locker room Sunday night. “The way he wrapped it round there … great.”

Why are our players telling our offensive coordinator to watch film?

In true T.J.-fashion, Shipley wriggled in the slot for two of them and his other catch in the drive, a nine-yarder, began to bail the Bengals out of a second-and-17 from the Denver 28 caused by left guard Nate Livings’ hold. Palmer hasn’t been able to work the slot like that since 2007, the last time he and Houshmandzadeh were healthy together.

You know who else could still be wriggling in the slot in true TJ-like fashion? TJ. But 3 free agent signings and a half dozen WR draft picks later...we, like, totally replaced that guy no problem.

And he’s never had a tight end like Gresham. Tall and talented, the massive 6-5, 250-pounder finished his home debut with three catches for 37 yards.

(excited)

But his third-down catch on the second drive that converted a third-and-10 with a 15-yard pluck from a defender he shielded from his body that looked more like a rebound after a box-out served notice that Palmer now has the middle of the field available for Gresham's ample abilities.

(very excited)

“He should have been driving back to the ball, the guy almost intercepted it,” Bratkowski said.

Way to be a wet blanket, dick.

Gresham was grim talking about his blocking. He feels it’s the No. 1 thing he has to improve. Running back Cedric Benson kind of got a kick out of it because he says Gresham kept talking to him after every running play. Benson was on the bench when he noticed late in the second quarter Gresham get the upper hand on one of those defensive ends and pushed him wide enough that backup running back Bernard Scott scooted inside on the way to a 38-yard run.

Encouraging. We need Gresham to be able to block too. Offensive line probably has the least natural talent of any unit on our team. Bruising TE can help that. Overall, I came away with no complaints about our run or pass blocking yesterday. Even with Kyle Cook out. Of course, prior to watching I had consumed a large quantity of Evan Williams whiskey while watching The Expendables, so my ability to analyze anything other than the Ben-gals was impaired (they get a C-minus).

Shipley’s future seems pre-ordained, a coach’s son who caught enough balls in the nooks and crannies of the Big 12 to become Texas’ all-time leading receiver. Like Palmer said at halftime, it seems like Shipley has been making plays his entire life. On that first Bengals touchdown drive, a 13-play haul, Shipley worked out of the slot to convert a third-and-six.

In his first NFL start the next season, Palmer found Houshmandzadeh three times for 38 yards. Don’t look now, but Palmer found Shipley three times for 39 yards against the Broncos.

Why would we not look?

Anyway, good point, Hob. That's a totally meaningful comparison that has extremely high predictive value for the future of Shipley's career. Who says Hob can't do data driven analysis? No one after that paragraph. That's who.

Shipley has been telling everyone who listens to him how comfortable he is as a Bengal. “The organization has been great,” he said. “The guys on the team have been really good; it’s been fun.” It was a night for rookies. Some big plays. Some mistakes. But there was no mistaking the feeling that the Bengals seemed to have made a good start on their offseason vow to surround Palmer with more talent.

And I'll end on that positive note. Without question, Carson has more talented and reliable weapons around him this year. I don't like that we were down 14-0 to the wookie-led Broncos first team but the score of preseason games matters very little.

August 10, 2010

Hob seems to have come into training camp this year already in midseason form. Behold...

CANTON, Ohio - After Sunday night’s 16-7 loss to the Cowboys in the Hall of Fame Game, Batman (Terrell Owens) and Robin (Chad Ochocinco) stood at their lockers and began assigning other players to roles in the 1960s hit series they hope to revive in time for the NFL’s regular season.

Alfred the butler is quarterback Carson Palmer.

Correction. Carson Palmer is Batman. Chad is still Robin. And TO is one of Batman's gadgets that Mike Brown picked up from the discount bin at Radio Shack.

Sunday’s mystery was if the real villain was the pass protection in an uninspiring offensive effort that netted just 136 of 179 yards through the air, particularly when Palmer mustered just a first down in of each of his two series, both on passes to Owens just 12 days after he joined the offense. But he was sacked once, had one ball tipped, and got hit as he threw another incompletion.

Yes Hob. Quite the mystery. I don't know if anyone will be able to crack the case of the why the offense looked horrible. Oh yeah, the Joker is played by Bob Bratkowski and Dennis Roland is his trusty switchblade, if that's any clue.

A relaxed Owens held court forever in the jammed locker room of Canton’s McKinley High School team while The Ocho left his adjoining locker and met the media elsewhere. It didn’t take Palmer long to start the Owens era, hitting him on a sideline pattern on the left for seven yards and a first down on the second snap. On the next series he hit him for 11 more on the other side as he easily worked against man-to-man coverage. Palmer connected with Owens again over the middle for a short gain, but The Ocho had moved early to wipe it out.

“Excited; anxious,” said The Ocho, looking at another fine for some yellow shoes that didn’t find the yellow brick road.

What in the blue fuck? Okay, the first paragraph needs juuust a smidge of editing. As for the Ocho quote and accompanying description of his shoes. That is some crazy pills mixed metaphor shit right there. Whoah. Again, just to let it sink in. "Looking at another fine for some yellow shoes that didn't find the yellow brick road." Crazy sexxy beautiful is how one awestruck teacher described a young Hob's prose way back when.

The backup passing game and protection was not good. Backup quarterback J.T. O’Sullivan completed four of 11 passes for 33 yards. No. 3 Jordan Palmer played the entire second half and his two interceptions led to 10 points, one out of his own zone that turned into linebacker Brandon Sharpe’s six-yard touchdown return that made it 16-0 with 9:23 left.

Straight talk from a straight shooter right there. As Sleeping W/ Bieniemy already said yesterday, the Bengals are fucked if Palmer goes down. Like might as well forfeit the rest of the season fucked. I say Matt Jones and Brian Leonard should be penciled in as the backups and then let mad creative genius Bratkowski unleash the hounds if/when the O-Line lets someone obliterate Carson.