4 Things That Will Make People Like You More – Formula Of Friendship

Improvement bill here welcome to lesson
2 of the befriend course in the previous lesson we learned about the different
types of friendship also known as the tears of friendship if you have not
watched that video yet please pause this video right now and click on a link in
the description box below because the befriend course has been built in a
specific order that is designed to teach you exactly how to become more likeable
and make more friends but if you watch the videos out of order you’re not gonna
get the same results trust me today we’re gonna be talking about the
four factors that determine how fast we can move up the tears of friendship also
known as the formula of friendship which is a concept that was originally coined
by former FBI agent Jack Schaeffer in his book the likes which make sure you
watch this video till the very end because what you’re about to learn here
is the foundation of the rest of the course this is incredibly important
information now the formula friendship states that friendship equals proximity
plus duration plus frequency plus intensity each of these factors can be
rated on a scale from one to ten one being the lowest and ten being the
highest proximity is basically how much common space you share with someone else
how physically close you are when you interact with the person you have in
mind someone who you share proximity of one with is someone so far away that you
can barely see each other a proximity of three would be like working out in the
same gym while a proximity of five would be something like being in the same
classroom a proximity of seven would be like sharing the same table during lunch
and finally a proximity of ten would be like two people who are literally on top
of each other like when you’re sharing the bed with a loved one the next factor
is duration duration is basically how long your interactions are with this
person a duration of one is like when you’re at the grocery store checking out
and you say thank you to your cashier your interaction with them is only for a
couple of seconds a duration of three is like if a choice came up to you and they
ask you for directions so you spend a couple of minutes explaining to them how
to get there and you also make some small talk a duration of five is like
spending thirty minutes to an hour of someone else something like eating with
a co-worker during your lunch break while a duration of seven is at least a
couple of hours I’d say something like two to four this is when you do
activities with your friends like hiking playing board games going to the club
and finally alteration of 10 is when you’re spending the majority of your day
with someone else again this is something that you’ll probably do with a
significant other an example of this would be waking up and eating together
then going on a date together and then binging Netflix until you both pass out
you literally spent the entire day with that person
that’s a 10 the next factor for the formula friendship is frequency it’s
pretty straightforward basically how often do you see this person and also
how often do you interact with them a frequency of one would be like a
one-time interaction with someone that you never see again a frequency of three
would be someone who you interact with once every month or so frequency of five
would be someone who you see once or twice a week a frequency of seven would
be someone who you see like three to four times a week and a frequency of ten
would be someone who you see almost every single day the final factor is
intensity but before we get into that I do want to quickly mention something I’m
putting together a special program to go along with the team course and the
befriend course to help those of you that really wants to make a change
because going through a course can only do so much and is always going to be
trumped by a full-on coaching program if you’re someone who is willing to invest
money in themselves yes these programs will not be free and will in fact cost
quite a fair amount of money then you can sign up for my mailing list and
learn more about these programs using the link in the description box below
okay back to the final factor of the formula of friendship which again is
intensity now this is the most complicated factor to comprehend
intensity is basically how much emotion is sparked during your interactions with
this person for the most part we’re talking about positive emotions like joy
pleasure inspiration and laughter but in some rare cases negative emotions can
also count emotions like grief and hardship have also been shown to create
strong bonds now in interaction with the intensity of a one is like when someone
asks you what time it is and you simply give them the time there’s no emotion at
all in the interaction a three is like if you’re talking to someone and for the
most part the conversation is pretty serious but you’ll occasionally say
something witty and they chuckle or smile a couple of times during the
interaction a five is like when you’re hanging out with a good friend and you
find yourself smiling and laughing quite often during the interaction a seven is
like when you’re talking to someone and they give you a really genuine
compliment that you know comes from the heart the type of compliment that hits
home so hard that your day literally becomes brighter for the next couple of
hours that’s like a seven now a 10 may be a bit hard to describe but it’s when
you’re interacting with someone and almost the entire time is spent feeling
strong emotions you’re cracking jokes giving genuine compliments you’re saying
things that really hit home you’re getting to know each other and you’re
talking about really personal stuff or maybe even you’re overcoming a hardship
together again I know it sounds a bit confusing and it’s hard to describe but
you’ll know when an interaction is at an intensity over ten because you will
definitely feel closer to that person buy a whole
lot after that interaction now that we understand the factors that make up the
formula friendship a very important question remains how exactly do we use
this formula to analyze and improve the current relationships in our lives well
it’s simple in order to get to a certain level of friendship of someone else you
have to reach a certain amount of points for example for someone to be your
acquaintance you need to have at least 10 points with them in order for someone
to be a friend you need at least 15 a close friend would require at least a 25
and finally a significant other would require at least the combined total of
35 points for example let’s say there’s this girl she’s someone that you share a
class with that’s a 5-4 proximity because you’re in the same small room
with her you see her twice a week so you might think the frequency is like a 5
but you rarely ever interact with her in fact you’ve only interacted with her
once so your frequency is more like a 2 the only real interaction you’ve had was
when you asked her first spare pencil it was a pretty boring interaction with no
emotion so the intensity of your interactions is like a 1 and finally the
duration of your interaction was only a couple of seconds right you were just
asking for a pencil so again that’s a 1 combined you have a total of 9 points so
you’re not even an acquaintance with this person she most likely just sees
you as a stranger now let’s say for example there’s another girl in this
classroom again the proximity is a 5 however you make small talk before every
time you share class which again is twice a week so your frequency is
actually like a 5 every time you have small talk you throw in some witty
banter and you guys occasionally exchange laughs the intensity of your
conversations is like a three and finally each of your interactions
usually only lasts a couple of minutes before the teacher arrives and briefly
after class is dismissed the duration of your interactions with
her is like a four combined this friendship has a total of 17 points
which means that you guys are friends now if you wanted to deepen this
friendship it would actually be quite simple there are a couple of ways of
going about it for one you could ask her to get lunch with you after class which
would increase the duration and proximity of your interactions because
you’re sitting at the same table and because lunch usually takes about 45
minutes or you could invite her to join your after-school Club which would
increase the frequency and duration of your interactions because you would
probably see her on days where you don’t have class together and you would also
spend a couple of additional hours together or you could even suggest that
you go to a party together which would increase the duration and the intensity
of your interactions because parties usually last for a couple of hours and
also there is drinking involved so positive emotions are you
much stronger if you do any of these things enough you will increase the
amount of points this friendship has and over a period of time she’ll eventually
become your close friend so as you can see it doesn’t really matter which
combination of factors make up a friendship because as long as you reach
a certain amount of points the friendship will naturally progress into
the higher tiers this way of looking at friendships may seem a bit surface-level
but it does a fairly good job now it’s very important to note that it’s
possible to have high points in all of these areas but still not be considered
a close friend of someone in fact if you do the wrong things the people you want
to befriend will actually grow to hate you which is why in our next video we’re
going to talk about the golden rule of friendship a special rule that you must
keep in mind to make sure that your formula of friendship is creating a
positive relationship and not a negative one remember to hit the bell icon
because if you’re serious about improving your social life you need to
watch each and every single one of the lessons in the befriend course in the
proper order to get the most out of it again if you are interested in investing
in yourself and would like to learn more about the personal coaching programs I
have coming out you can sign up for my mailing list using the link in the
description box below besides that guys stay tuned

Reader Comments

As always, let me know if you have any questions regarding what we covered in this lesson.I'll try my best to answer them here!To sign up for my mailing list and learn more about future programs: http://improvementpill.net/programs

I feel this is wrong on so many levels.Are we really going to quantify the people we interact with on a POINTS system?Have we lost the basic ability as humans to feel who are those they are close to you, care about you, and whom you genuinely want to be with?What i am trying to say here is not everything can be broken down into STATISTICS and POINTS.Be in touch with your feelings.

What about how long do you know each other? I've just known this friend since last June this year, and I don't think that's not long enough. Is that a determining factor? Despite not knowing each other for long, we hang out together with our other friends(which I've known for at least one year) to shopping mall, movie, cafe, dinner, etc, at least once a week since beginning of July.

Now, about intensity. This new friend of mine, she's so open to me like I am her confidant. With that, I mutually opened up to her as well since I think I could trust her. We're pretty intense with each other, but the problem is we haven't had a time to hang out alone. When we talk intensely, that only happens in fb messenger. My second question is, does it matter if it's only txt messaging or do we have to talk deeply in person? When we talk in person, we're never alone so our conversation is never deep.

For anyone interested, so far most of this course's principles come from "The Like Switch". It's a great book, and I recommend it to anyone truly interested in improving even further his or her social skills. Also, I have to acknowledge that Improvement Pill has improved these concepts, making them more measurable, and I love the new perspective this has brought to them. Can't wait for the next episode 🙂

Guess I'm never gonna have any real friends, since I don't want any FRIENDS getting on top of me for any reason IN BED. And then making S.O. the pinnacle of "friendship?" Title should have been "Another stupid series made to help guys 'get the girl,' except with a title that won't raise anybody's suspicions."

i have many friend who live in other countries that I see maybe once a year or every 2 years. I think most of my friendships are pretty platonic as opposed to close and emotional though. A 45 min lunch break would be nice, I only get 15-20 mins and often work through lunch anyway

I can relate to the part when he said a friend becoming a foe🤦🏾‍♀️. A friendship can’t work if the energy isn’t the same. Or at least on the same page. And also spread positivity. Because people don’t like negativity.

so this means that you can be friends with anyone even if you are completely different just by folowing things like this …. this is fucked up and good at the same time – this means you really dont need to find people who have things in common with you in order to get friends … you just need to use proximity – frequency – duration etc often enough and anybody gets friends this way with you . Also this has nothing to do with sex – so if you get to a significant other level with a girl… this does not mean its also guaranteed sex

I really liked a pretty girl in my class a couple of years ago. We saw each other very often and we even travelled in the same bus, but there was no interaction and minimum eye contact. I faced my fears of approaching her and before we knew it we would sit together everyday as we took the bus to and from school, the relationship escalated fast and I soon became one of her close friends simply by facing my fear of rejection and increasing proximity, frequency and depth. ( This actually works )

Hey, what would you rate proximity when you’re talking over internet chat? It’s not quite like sitting together eating lunch, but given u can talk to each other as if u were, despite the fact ur very far away, I’m not sure how to rate online relationships. Can u give it a rating?

I was always confused about how to make the difference between an acquaintance and a stranger .The video is very helpful in that regard but could you give us a few tips about how to actually get to be someone's acquaintance? It is hard for shy people ( such as myself ) to engage in conversations with strangers that they share the same class with for example . Thank you for the helpful content anyway!

What about online friends because there’s this friend I’ve never seen in real life and I consider him in the line between friend and close friend. I’m comfortable talking to him and we’ve had deep Skype conversations.

I mean, u can not really place a s.o right after close friend, because.. when you whant someone to be your "girl" or something, you really dont want to get in "friendzone" (my personal feeling) Perfect video as always 😀

Hey ImprovementPill, first of all I like your videos. I watched the BeeFriend course and now I’m watching Tamed. You come up with some very useful tricks 👍. I have a question: You never say anything about „tasks“ or small gestures someone does. I think that when you do such gestures from time to time and/or if they want something from you always stay reliable then this boosts your worth enormously. What do you think?