Because the Dancing Dog Ranch was lucky enough to be a landing spot for a wayward one-eyed parakeet, it was decided we needed a birdcage for our new friend. When you run a resort, spa and rehab center for visiting friends, you can imagine how important it is to create the perfect accommodations for a new family member.

And besides that, three cats live here.

Stroke of Genius and I discussed it on the porch. “I think Jack should have a unique antique cage – you know something that will make him all aflutter.” I readily agreed with SOG.

The next day, we had a visitor show up at the Ranch. Our former boss and current friend, Admiral Big Guy, flew in from a faraway land (California) to spend some quality time with his buds. Because he flew, we figured he’d know all about birdcages.

For entertainment, we decided to take ABG on a river float. Since I just purchased the perfect bathing suit that hides everything and looks like a mini (and I mean mini) dress, I opted not to wear a cover up when we went to the river.

Ladies, never forget your cover up. Trust me, you’ll regret it.

After our lovely float, Admiral Big Guy suggested we hit the antique shops in search of the perfect birdcage for One-Eyed Jack. I sighed, sucked in my gut, and made my entrance acting as if I was wearing a mini-dress instead of a bathing suit. I could feel the very proper Dearly Demented Mom rolling over in her grave.

As luck would have it, we found the ideal cage – for a pair of eagles. This oversized rusted birdcage came complete with a wooden perch, silver bell, water bottle and pineapple pecking thingamajig. It looked like it had once sat in the main lobby of a Ritz Carlton. Admiral Big Guy bought it on the spot.

I was certain the monstrosity was so big that a parakeet could simply fly out between the bars of the cage. But it’s not polite to look a gift horse in the mouth.

The men managed to cram it into the back of the Jeep, secure it with rope and stuff the three inner tubes into the car. There was barely enough room for me. If I’d have had on my swim suit cover up, I’m certain I wouldn’t have fit.

We headed home looking like the Beverly Hillbilly’s without the cash. Along the way, ABG discussed how he saw the cage being brought back to its glory days through a Rustolium Fiesta color palette. Stroke of Genius agreed it should be as South Beach looking as possible. I was dreaming of miniature palm trees.

AMG was first inside the house after we arrived. I heard a very sad, “Oh, no!” I zipped in and found One-Eyed Jack on the floor. Seems he’d try to fly one more time. Unfortunately, One-Eyed Jack died instantly of a broken neck from the ceiling fan he could not see.

Stroke of Genius took it as well as could be expected. He gently placed Jack in a Styrofoam capsule and located him in the freezer. I’m not sure if he’s going to have Jack stuffed or if he’s simply freezing him until a cure for broken necks comes along.

We’ve raised a glass and said goodbye to our dear friend. In his memory, work has begun on the One-Eyed Jack Memorial Bird Sanctuary for Wayward Birds. When remodeling is complete, we will fill this coo-coo’s nest with a new Jack and maybe even a Jill. Rest In Peace, old buddy.

Fiesta Camo Colors

Spreading laughter throughout the world…one giant birdcage at a time. God Bless Jack.