HEADLINE: SURPRISING HOLE IN SPACE DISCOVERED

A hole in space has been discovered in a part of the universe previously believed to be hole-free.

“Well I’ll be damned,” said Professor Johann Inglerod as he peered through the European Herschel infrared space telescope. “Hey, Jimmy! Come over here and look at this!” Inglerod yelled over his shoulder.

“Hey! It’s a hole! A hole in space!” Jimmy exclaimed in surprise. “What gives, Professor? Everybody knows there aren’t supposed to be any holes in that part of the universe.”

“Well, everyone was wrong, weren’t they?” Inglerod concluded.

Not all scientific authorities consider this newly discovered hole surprising. “I knew there was a hole. I said there was a hole. I’m not surprised,” said Professor Harold Rimstone. “You want to surprise me? Show me a picture of my bitch ex-wife in space with the pool boy. Then we’ll talk.”

12 Responses to “HEADLINE: SURPRISING HOLE IN SPACE DISCOVERED”

I believe this discovery is the reason why Christina Aguilera is attempting a reconciliation with Lady Gaga. Her publicity aide, Cecil Shawshank said,
“You gotta see that Chrissie was gobsmacked by Inglerod’s discovery. A space hole where a space hole ain’t oughta be turned her world upside down. She thought if that was possible then maybe she should rethink the whole Gaga brouhaha. That’s when she held out a truce flag. Now she’s heading off to Bangkok to sort out the Redshirts and then she’ll get up to Khatmandu to see if she can do something with the rebel Maoists. She’s full throttle on everything now. Iraq and Afghanistan peace deals aren’t beyond her any more. Man, this hole thing has really put some juice in her legs.”

Therbs – I think it can safely be said that the hole has more than merely surprised people: it has shocked and awed many, inspiring them to think great thoughts, do great things and dream great dreams. I mean really great dreams. Not the kind where you suddenly realize you are naked in public, or the kind where you are running and running and running but just can’t get where you are going. No. This hole prompts truly great dreams, like the one where you are flying or breathing under water or walking on a beach being pounded by giant waves.

Who am I trying to fool? It is just a hole. A hole in space. A great big nothing much and nothing special. A hole. In space.

I like to think of it like a Monty Python comic strip I read where a kangaroo was travelling through the Australian landscape to meet up with his friend for a drink. In the second to last panel there was an ink blot. The last panel was the kangaroo’s friend with the caption reading that the kangaroo wasn’t going to show up. All because of a careless cartoonist’s inkblot. I like to see this hole in space as a similar sort of ink blot in our journey for things like truth, beauty and universal consciousness.

Yeah, but it is a “universal consciousness” that made a hole where no hole should be. Once again, this is a demonstration that there is no god, because a god would never have created such an imperfection. In the alternative, the hole in space is proof of an uncaring, capricious god who makes an enormous hole in space to taunt us humans. And why? Because God thinks holes in space are funny. Well, not the holes themselves, per se, but our reaction to discovering a hole in space where no hole was ever suspected or expected to exist. This discussion amuses God. So I guess that makes i good. I mean, isn’t it the purpose of sentient life to please God, with the hope that God, being pleased, will reward the source of his/her/its pleasure? And if so, does that mean God will reward me? And is so, what will that reward be? Maybe a new car? Wouldn’t that be great?!? A new car!

Or maybe it is just a hole. In space. A great big hole in space. But that’s all.

Just a big hole in space? Just? Space is big and in comparison the things in space, like our planet, are really really small compared to the vast emptiness between them. So a hole in space like the one shown above is, well, beyond vast or enormous or extraordinarily humongous.

It almost pushes me from agnostic to believing. I mean, like we didn’t even know it was there. Of course that fact could lead one to believe it was just created. And what could do that? Nothing we know of so perhaps there is a god. And why would a god create this? To put us in our proper place, to remind us that we could not create anything so marvelous. But that is just petty arrogance, so I like to think that perhaps it was put there to set an example. Like a god saying, “Look if I can create something grand and seemingly impossible then you can too. So go and try.”

Well Paul, I’m going with the reward thing. A new car sounds fitting. I’m also tempted to suggest that the discovery of this space hole and the development of synthetic life by some boffins in Maryland are simply a coincidence. It is god having a laugh.