Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Have you ever read a book that has made you doubt your abiltity to be a writer. That feeling that creeps up inside your chest and settles there telling you that you will never make it. Ever. Like, the fact that their writing is: Just. That. Good. That you feel like you should throw in the pen and give up while you're ahead?

I've had quite a few of those books, but some of those top authors that manage to evoke that feeling of inadequacy out of me are Suzanne Collins, Ellen Hopkins, and Laurie Halse Anderson.

They are amazing writers. And with each of their books that I've read, I've torn through the pages, fallen in love with their characters, and felt like I lost a family member when the series or book was finished.

But instead of using their books as inspiration, I used their books as a way to punish myself and tell myself that I wasn't good enough, nor would I ever be good enough to write a book made of that much awesome.

And I've finally realized that my mentality is just plain stupid. I don't know what their journeys were like into their writing career. How many books were turned down before "the right" one hit, how many times they felt at the bottom of the barrel and "not good enough." (And if they had the I-Wrote-And-Sold-My-Very-First-Book-Within-A-Month Syndrome, then I'm covering my ears, and I don't want to hear it. La la la la la...)

My mentatlity was putting such a strain on my creativity and the ability to write for fun, so I decided to end that. I will continue to read those amazing authors, but instead of allowing it to bring me down, I am going to use what makes their books so riveting to my advantage, and put that same passion in my books. And when it's my time (if it's my time -- oh wait, do you have to have a complete book to have that time ready for you?) then great. No more writing to find an agent. No more following all "The Rules". No more beating myself up constantly.

Let me introduce you to the new and improved Tiffany Neal.

*waves*

Nice to see you.

*deep breath*

I feel good. Or maybe it's the black and plum hair dye seeping into my pores and damaging my brain. Either way, I'll take it.

I've always thought it best to write for yourself first and foremost, and because you love it--not just because you want to see your name in the bookstore. That's a natural outpouring, but over time it'll come to lack soul.

Christopher - Yeah, I try doing it, but it brings out another one of my multiple personalities and gets me all sorts of pissed that they ARE published. I MEAN, REALLY? THAT GOT PUBLISHED...Ahem, I mean, great idea! I think I'll try it out...

Summer - I know, right. I guess what got to me is the fact that I had seriously zero clue what I was doing this time last year, and I wanted to be knowledgeable, but then that turned into reading TOO many blogs telling me how to do it, what to do, what not to do, and it seriously corrupted my writing. From now on, no more of that. You can be my sponsor to keep me on that track. :)

Tina - Hi! Maybe a smackdown some night this week? I need it. Ooooh or that character chat that I owe you?!?

About Me

I'm a married, mother of three precious, drama-lovin' girls, 4th grade reading/writing teacher, aspriring YA/MG author, chauffeur, cook, maid, launderer, and anything else the day may offer.
In my spare time I like to read. A lot.