This blog is (mostly) a near-verbatim transcription of my writing journal. Margins are the same as the journal. These are exercises, not finished products. Other types of writings will most likely emerge at some point.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Journal 35 - Love and Extinction

I'm not sure the dreams in which I'm dying arethe best I've ever had – but it certainly is avery very mad world. I've been nervous atmore than just the thought of all the eyes andteeth at school – I see those canines at workand dinner parties exercising overtime. It's timeto recount the alphabet just to verify my brainhas not degenerated into oatmeal mush. I'mnot sure the ABC's accomplish that but it's close.That or Twinkle Twinkle. My daughter it seemsre-arranges her pillows while she sleeps -it's nice to know that someone at some point lovedyou enough to sit by you in the middle of thenight and rub your tiny back, or rock you inthe chair while battling pneumonia – or alternatingall night in a sort of medical vigil to save yourtiny soul from pre-mature extinction. I supposemost of us do become individually extinct afterdeath. Regardless of what comes next – somethingor nothing. (Both are in the 12th round rightnow) What is individualism if extinction is justaround the corner? Band-aids and Tylenol don't work when the death of the soul is at stake.But maybe it's a very mad material world andBand-Aids are just as helpful as religion orpsychology. A purple cloud descends upon thenight like a giant down pillow inviting us torest our hypotropic souls upon its royal enamoredbands. Seems I've found my way into a darksound-proof tunnel in which I can't hear theright music to provide me with a directionworth risking. The only sounds permitted arethe cries and moans moans moans of mysmall children (and the shrieks of my disgruntleddisappointed wife). Love is a record playerstuck on the same song through an inadvertentscratch – repeating the same words over and overand over – and each time you tell yourself thenext verse will come...the next verse will come.