Month: July 2018

It is New Years Eve and Ted Rockson is celebrating like everyone else in Century City. Things are looking good. The Russians are in disarray and hopes are high they will soon be driven out. His celebration is interrupted by the arrival of a man. Peth Danik was found wandering alone and about to be eaten by a snow leopard when he was saved. He tells a story of coming from a survivalist community named Eden down in Mexico. Before the war a billionaire named Renquist build it to survive the coming nuclear war. He never made it out of Austin in time but his followers survived. It is an underground enclosed ecology with its own artificial sun and salt water lake to simulate the ocean. Only problem is the place can’t grow any food and after 100 years is running out of the canned and packaged food that was stockpiled. Seems these eccentric rich guys are always building the survivalist communities with goofy people. A bit depressing for the future. Anyway Danik was from a faction that wanted to return to the surface. The other faction lead by Stafford staged a coup and took over.

Stafford is a complete nutjob. He has a paranoid fear of the surface and wants to keep the inhabitants imprisoned in Eden forever. His idea for feeding them is to reprocess the centuries worth of human excrement that has accumulated in their dumping ground. But don’t worry for he will use the flies that are scooped up with it for flavoring and nobody will know the difference from real food.

As horrible as feeding shit is to people the real danger is Stafford has a deadly biological germ called Factor Q. He plans to release it on the surface and kill all life. So Rock and his team have to make the trek down to Eden and stop him. They start out with sled dogs and fight the mutant groundhogs and acid snowstorms to a friendly Indian village in Arizona. There they trade the dog teams for Harleys and continue on with the chief.

They make it the Eden and are ambushed by the inhabitants of Death City. This is a cult from some in Eden that was formed to worship the founder Renquist. They capture Rona who they believe to be Renquist’s wife Sandra. They plan to impregnated her with Renquist’s sperm but first have to whip her ass because the chances of bearing a male child increase with pain. Fortunately Rock and company arrive to save her. They must battle the Whisperers who use mental images to drive people insane. Some old robot mines called Scabies(Special Computerized Ambulatory Bombs Intended for Enemy Systems). Finally they reach Eden and battle Stafford and his three henchmen Bros Err, Dedman and Nunchaka-man. A chase on giant mutant bats leads to the destruction of Factor Q and the saving of the human race.

Well the writers really outdid themselves with this book. It looks like they decided to cannibalize book 9. Instead of Canada it is Mexico and they start out with sleds and switch over to a different form of transportation at a friendly native village. Otherwise its the race to save the world from a madman. A madman who wants to feed people shit. I mean literally and not figuratively as most politicians do. Never really explained why this place has such a deadly biological weapon in the first place. Or for that matter why there are all these futuristic weapons like robot mines or lasers that the place has. Scheransky the Russian scientist from book 9 that was sent to help is now apparently a defector and full member of the team. The series would start to be more about these goofy quests to stop some madman like Killov or someone of equal kookiness and less about fighting the occupying Soviets.

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Ted Rockson is wandering the deserts of Utah after being forced to crashland his stolen MIG from the last book. He soon gets captured by a patrol of KGB and taken to an abandoned missile silo. There the sadistic KGB Lt. Lev Strelsky is going to torture him. Rock manages to persuade him to a game of chess. If he loses then he will tell Strelsky the location of Century City. Strelsky is a chess champion and his ego agrees. Only he lose in six moves. Strelsky accuses Rock of cheating and starts to drag him behind his jeep. Just then a huge storm appears and twin tornadoes sweep up Rockson.

He lands outside of Salt Lake City in 1989 just a few days before the nuclear war of September 11, 1989. Only this Salt Lake City is different from our city. The inhabitants are all brainwashed with elevator muzik that is pumped over everywhere. The food is also drugged. Armed men called Rooks with mirror visored helmets and carrying flamethrowers and assault rifles. In this reality the Chessman has taken over the city. A Soviet chess player who was in town ten years ago and caught cheating. He and his followers then took over the city and erected a force field around it. Now he rules with an iron fist a drugged out populace.

Rockson is picked up as a homeless man and brought to the Rooks headquarters. There he is identified as Theodore Rockman C.P.A. an upstanding citizen. They give him a good old session of brainwashing with the muzik and drugged food. Next day his wife Kim comes to pick him up and take him back home. There he finds his nagging wife and two children who are never described in the entire book. He watches the popular game show Twenty Questions which involve torturing some homeless guy until he answers the question “What are you for?” with “Social order.”

After a weird evening and hot sex with Kim he is off to work in the morning at his firm. There he finds that Rona is his secretary and he is having an affair with her. Well he goes nuts at work and leaves but instead of home he goes to a seedy part of town and uses half the $8 lunch money for a dive hotel room. Then the other $4 for a roll with a prostitute. Wow what a deal. Later he goes to a bar and with drink and rock and roll music gets his memory back. He hooks up with the local resistance who are the homeless. Seems eating old food from the trash is OK since the drugs are no longer effective. Rock breaks into a gun store and modifies an Uzi with an anti-air gun for a .50 caliber Uzi and mows down hordes of Rooks and Knights on horseback.

Well with his newfound homeless friends he assaults the Chessman’s HQ and overcoming his mental powers finds out he is Strelsky who also has a counterpart in this past. Strelsky is killed and the people are freed from the muzik. Unfortunately WWIII starts and they must escape the city. Rock steals a cab and with Kim his kids and Barrelman the leader of the homeless manage to make it to the time door and escape back to 2092. First Rock goes through some new age mumbo-jumbo of seeing the universe and all his past lives. Then in the future Kim, Barrelman and the kids disappear. He finds the clothes he was wearing have also disappeared. It was all a dream. He strips some clothes from the dead KGB and heads off for Century City.

Well this has got to be the most bizarre story for even this series. In a way it’s bizarreness makes it my favorite of the series. It is the best remembered of the books and definitely held my interest. I lived in Utah and Nevada during the eighties and visited Salt Lake on numerous occasions. Had some good restaurants but never seen a force field around the city or the Chessman. The Chessman seems to run a poor excuse for an economy. Rock is a C.P.A. with a big office and a secretary but still is poor. They live in a run down apartment with tacky art and drive an old Gremlin. The authors get a chance to try for some social commentary about the homeless and the heartless materialism of society. The pursuit of inane game shows and sitcoms. It is all lost in such a goofy, weird story.

Oh and even as a C.P.A. he still gets the women. He’s married to Kim who is even a bigger annoying, nagging moonbat then the one from Rock’s time. Still the Chessman is a bit of a sexist and conditions obedience in woman. As Kim says to Rock, “Just lie back, dear. Remember what the Chessman says about sex. it’s the woman’s job. After a hard day, the best thing is a blow job.” Naturally Rock is OK with this but does later take charge to Kim’s delight. And of course he is cheating on her with Rona in this alternate timeline. Not to mention the $4 prostitute. Don’t remember $4 going so far back then. Definitely a classic.

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Thanks to Rockson and his alliance with Premier Vassily Colonel Killov’s power grab has failed. Now the KGB are broken and on the run. Killov though is still up to no good. He has managed to capture five anti-matter missiles and is heading toward the Arctic Circle to be in launch range of Moscow. An anti-matter missile could destroy half of Colorado which he plans to do to demonstrate his resolve. If power isn’t surrendered to him then Moscow is next. So Vassily contacts Rockson for help in stopping him. He sends an expert named Scheransky with a big piece of equipment to track the missiles. So after taking care of a renegade KGB unit the group heads into Canada during the winter.

Canada has been largely ignored and unexplored since the war. Luckily Rock and his group find a tribe of friendly Eskimos. Rock only has to defeat their champion and they are friends for life. The chief Tinglim outfits the group with dog sleds and supplies and leads them through the territory. They have to fight packs of mutant wolfs and man eating Sasquatch before they make it to the Ice City. This city is an Eskimo city of ice that has advanced new age crystal technology. It saves Archer’s life after this skull is caved in by a Sasquatch. At the Arctic Circle the group catches Killov and disables four of the five missiles. The fifth is launched toward Century City and Rock manages to steal a jet and shoot it down before crashing into the desert. Killov makes his escape.

Killov is still at it. Now he has these powerful missiles and of course its up to Rockson to stop him. So in this book we get to see what happened to Canada. Apparently its a snowy wasteland populated by Eskimos and man-eating Sasquatch. I guess nothing has changed. So Sasquatch makes an appearance since he vanished back in the seventies. Only this Sasquatch isn’t the shy, bashful creature but something that likes to mount captive humans on a spit and barbecue them over an open fire. This book had a ton of kooky new age mumbo-jumbo. The Eskimo shaman tells of how Atlantis was destroyed and the survivors fled to the center of the Earth. When they came back they had to battle the Sasquatch. There was also a whole bunch of crystal power in this book.

Zhabanov is back to being President of the U.S.S.A. He’s had it rough what with having to flee Killov and abandon his men. The greater indignity is Premier Vassily called him a coward and made him work in clerical supervised by a blackie Rahallah. Oh the injustice but he is back and incompetently leading America.

Finally we can’t forget Rock’s love life. After the dry spell in the last book he is back to getting some. Kim and Rona have agreed to not see Rock but both secretly come to his room and promise Rock not to tell. That is promise he is more than willing to keep. This guy has it good but I suppose he deserves it. After all he risked his life to save Century City and the world from destruction by Killov. He has to fight and lead his men through a harsh Arctic wilderness with wolves and Sasquatch. I mean he only lost two or three men which you know is bound to happen. That’s why you bring a few extra along so it cushions the important characters from danger. Another fun book and kind of nice to read about Arctic weather when the temperature is in the hundreds.

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Rock and his group are returning from the successful rescue of President Langford and Kim. They have a battle with some man eating plants and other mutant animals but make it back to Century City. Sadly it seems President Langford is a little bit brain damaged from his time in the mindbreaker. Still the war must go on and its looking bad. Killov is winning. As bad as Zhabanov was he was an idiot and incompetent. Killov is efficient and ruthless. He is also completely insane with a plan to eventually destroy the entire world once he assumes power. So Rock purposes a radical idea. He will get in contact with Premier Vassily and form an alliance. Freefighters and Russians troops will attack and liberate captured Red Army forts and free the regular soldiers under house arrest. Vassily agrees to sent his Sikh mercenaries who have just put down a rebellion in India.

So Rock and the Freefighters head off to rendezvous with the Sikhs at the largest Red fort Ft. Minsk. Along the way they must battle a field of snakes, an erupting volcano and the Sioux nation. Rock is forced to fight twelve warriors wearing buffalo horns that try to gore him. Naturally Rock wins. The biggest challenge is having both his girlfriends Rona and Kim along. They incessantly put each other down about their weight, height, looks, age anything else that women get catty about.

They meet up with the Sikhs who are one wild bunch. They party hard into the night with drinking games. Thus hungover they assault Fort Minsk and successfully drive out the KGB. Killov though manages to escape in his rocket pod to fight another day.

Well this story has Rock and the Russians allying to fight back the mutual enemy Killov. Seems he has plans to destroy all life on the planet. I guess not having any testicles will do that to a guy. The Sikhs seem like a real bunch of partying guys. They travel in style with women and food and drink. They have gaudy clothes and jewels and fight with a mixture of modern and ancient weapons. The other big development in this book is Rockson gets no sex at all. Having both his girlfriends together all he can do is put on a big dumb grin as the two go at each other. That is what happens when you let both your girlfriends get together. But at the end the two develop a mutual respect for each other and pledge to work something out. So you can rest assured that some horizontal hide the sausage is the future for the Doomsday Warrior.

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Colonel Killov is tired of waiting around for Vassily to die. He is making his move to seize power. The first step is to take control of America. His Night of Blood will have his KGB troops take over the Red Army fortresses. With America as his power base he can then strike out at the rest of the Soviet empire until he controls it. His bold bit for control pays off as one fortress after another falls. Meanwhile President Langford and his daughter Kim are captured by Soviet troops in Montana and taken to Fort Svetlanya. When Rockson hears about this he has no choice but to mount a rescue operation. So with his trusty team he heads out to Montana.

Along the way they run into a group of cannibals and makes short work of them. He manages to fat shame one of them before he executes him. Then a mysterious transport plane appears and disgorges its occupants by parachute. Only they are not Soviet special forces but Australians and their camels. Lead by Lt. Boyd the Aussies are armed with silver .45’s and laser/sonic boomerangs. Australia has been recently liberated from Soviet occupation and a group of Aussies decided to come over to America to help out. They also brought along a portable fridge filled with cans of Foster’s Ale. At first Rock doesn’t want their help but soon finds out the value of their boomerangs when they are attacked by giant mutant octopuses that come out of the ground. They use the sonic boomerangs to herd the giant octopus to destroy Fort Svetlanya. Only they find out that President Langford and Kim have been transferred to Washington.

So the guys have to hijack the Silver Bullet a high speed train that runs to Washington. There the men assault the Octagon a huge complex with hundreds of mindbreakers. Only they are ambushed and captured by Killov and his KGB who are fighting to take the city from the Red Army. Things look grim until the black porters who were on the train come to the rescue. They are secretly rebels and manage to free Rock, The President and everyone else and destroy the Octagon. Killov manages to survive to fight another day.

So Colonel Killov has made his move and there is now open civil war among the Russians. Zhabanov the coward flees the capital just in time to avoid capture. Rock we find out fat shames cannibals. Some of the cannibals surrender and beg to not be executed. They say the leader forced them to eat those people. Rock makes the comment to a fat cannibal that it looks like he went back for seconds before blasting his head off. Yep no safe spaces for fat cannibals after the apocalypse.

Luckily they are helped out by the arrival of the Australians. What luck that they would land just in front of them and not somewhere else. Seems the Aussies are into fighting and drinking which is probably how they freed their country. They decide to part ways after their successful escape from Washington to find someone else to help out.

The personal drama of Rockson and his loves continues. He still is with Rona who now knows about Kim and doesn’t like it one bit. He also manages to be reunited with Kim as captives in the Octagon. Interesting trivia the Pentagon is used as a brothel for enlisted men. Well they decide to have sex in their cell. Rock’s manhood is so huge she has trouble fitting her mouth around it but somehow manages. Then there is the usual shooting his white-hot lava into her dripping womanhood. The guards don’t even notice this as they are too busy playing cards. They pay for this as when Killov catches them he has the guards shot. Doesn’t like Rockson having a good time. This series just continues to get weirder as it goes on and I love it.