No need for a Michael Buffer reference, because we all know something's going down on the South Side this weekend. Ozzie Guillen welcomed the North Siders to the South Side's "excellent, new facilities." I didn't know he was hosting the Cubs for dinner at Harold's Chicken Shack, which happens to be the finest facility south of Addison Street.

It was a little too quiet for my liking when the teams split a pair of games on the North Side. And with the Cubs sliding down that slippery slope of suck, don't be surprised if Lou Piniella kicks dirt, throws bases or puts Alfonso Soriano in a head lock.

Speaking of which, how long until Milton Bradley beats up a father-son tandem that tried to jump him from behind. I say, pregame, Game 1.

And how long 'til Ozzie starts throwing at the rats' heads this weekend? No, not the Wrigley rats. I'm talking about the hood rats that sleep at that Red Line stop and line 35th Street.

Throwing for the Sox this weekend will be Contreras, Buehrle and Danks. The Cubs counter with Wells, Dempster and Zambrano. If the White Sox don't sweep this series I'll be surprised.

And if the Cubs win one game out of this series, I will consider this road trip a success.