Oh No. No No No No No No.

And if you’re anything like me, thinking about old women dying gives you a raging hard-on, in which case this “Golden Girls” porn parody is just what the doctor ordered. Dr. Cocktopus, that is.

On a more serious note: Ew. I’m more likely to get an erection watching Oprah than I am from old people having sex, even if it’s young people pretending to be old people. However, if there’s a silver-haired lining to this cloud of pubic hair, it seems that the sex scenes in this all take place via flashback. And thank God for that. I very nearly had to turn on Oprah.