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Sunday, July 5, 2009

The search for balance continues...

So I went to my first acupuncture treatment with Brendan Kelly at Great Turnings on Friday, it was fantastic. Its all part of this desire to find a balanced place on my path so I will have some longevity and clarity of thought. It was quite an experience, and I thought I'd share it with you.

I went in for my first acupuncture appointment with Brendan Kelly on Friday afternoon. I’ve had acupuncture in the past, for nausea with morning sickness, and it was very effective. I never understood the principals by which it worked, I had no idea that she might have been tonifying my spleen Qi, but it didn’t seem to matter, because I wasn’t nauseous any more.

I went in to Brendan to address issues related to my car accident, but also to address a more constitutional remedy. We talked for about an hour and a half, looking from several directions at what might be the issue.

We decided to focus on the four gates to the heart center and the Tripple Burner, or San Jao. The theory here was that my gates are stuck open, which can be a beautiful thing, but exhausting. Interestingly enough, this is a problem that I’ve been trying to tackle for the last ten years!

I had looked at it as needing to change my energy to the outside world, so I could learn to protect myself while still loving others.

Brendan put points Stomach 44 on my feet, and in Liver 3 on my wrists, and then he came back in to put points in San Jiao 5, the Outer Gate.

He left the room for about 12 more minutes after putting in the SJ5 points, and after about three or four minutes, the palm of my left hand began to hurt. I laid there and observed the pain, it was fairly acute, pulsing like a ball in the palm of my hand, and radiating toward my first finger.

I went back to reading the acupuncture chart closest to me, when suddenly I noticed that I was having a pulsing sensation in my arms that was intense.

It felt like laying down at the tide line in the ocean and feeling the water pull your body back and forth, the core of the sensation was deep in my arm, but not in the bone, and the sensation went from the palm of my hand to the middle of pectoralis minor, jumped across my chest and went up and down the opposite arm as well.

It started in my left arm from the little ball of pain in my palm, and grew up that arm, then incorporated both arms in such a dramatic way that I felt as though my body was moving on the table. I didn’t move, although it was strong enough to be alarming, I laid there half afraid of what would happen if I moved, would I make the sensation stop? Was the sensation a good one? It was definitely frightening, but exciting.

My arms continued to have this strong pulsing sensation, I wondered if it was my blood moving through my veins, was I simply feeling my own pulse in an acutely attuned way? Was my heart just beating hard?

But my heart was quiet, and calm, and deep. Meanwhile, this intense rocking, rushing, pulling and pushing sensation continued up and down my arms, slowly dissipated off my left hand, and moved into my right arm only, where the tempo of the pulse increased as the sensation traveled down my arm and then ended in a little ball in my right hand, pulsing. This sensation was not painful like the other side.

This pulsing quieted, and then dissipated into the palm of my hand. When Brendan came in moments later, I looked at him.

“Something really bizarre just happened!” I exclaimed, and told him the story while he listened quietly.

“You are describing the meridian of the San Jiao exactly. The beginning point is in the palm of the hand, it ends at the top of the arm inside the chest. What you were describing is the perfect description of feeling the ebb and flow of Qi, you were feeling your Qi move.”

I looked at him. Wow. I went over and examined the chart that had the San Jiao meridian on it, which was across the room, I couldn’t read it from the treatment table. Sure enough, the beginning point for San Jiao was in the palm of the hand, the ending point is high in the lateral chest, exactly the path in which I was feeling this tremendous push and pull.

When I was finishing my treatment, I had the intense desire to soak in a quiet hot springs and then curl up in bed with a cup of tea, feeling perfectly warm and weightless and go to sleep.

I have been very low key for the two days following the treatment, not wanting to be social except with my kids, not wanting to talk too much, not wanting to spend money, not wanting to eat excessively, just wanting to be quiet and insular, which is a relief for me.

I don’t have the desire to overwork, usually a giant stack of assignments is an exciting challenge to me, I’m eager to tackle them, but I’m exhausted when I’m done, having pushed myself till three in the morning to accomplish them.

I told Brendan that I would stop drinking coffee, because I didn’t feel that I needed it, I only have been drinking caffeine two days a week or so anyway lately, but since my appointment, I’ve felt desperate for coffee, because I simply don’t have the luxury of laying in the hammock with my kids all day, I’ve got to get some work done.

I didn’t go ski the Great One on the Fourth of July, the first ski trip I’ve passed up in three years. I’m not sure if I’m being lazy, going through a period of Yin after a big Yang charge (although it doesn’t feel like that), or if I’m just beginning to feel some balance for the first time in a long time.

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2-term National Alpine Team alum, Megan was the first person to step in and help me believe I could achieve my goal of making the National Team. Megan combines an incredibly giving heart, with an insatiable drive and problem-solving bug. Megan has taught me how to be a great trainer, how to give my time to others, how to be an integral part of the ski school. She has taught me about budgeting my time, how to be professional in this industry, and how to help others. She is also willing to give it to me straight, working with me both on and off-snow. Her no-nonsense direct feedback is to the point and never couched in cuddles or bubbles. She has an opinion. She shares it. I do what she says. Megan is one of the most incredibly dedicated, giving, loving, caring people I have ever had the pleasure to meet, and I am grateful to count her amongst my friends, and honored to have her as an official member of my team.

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Heros and Inspiration

These are people who I am learning about who inspire me, make me feel like I'm not crazy to love what I do, and who broke trail ahead of me so I can ski, too...

Bill Brigs:

The first man to ski the Grand Teton, he skied it alone, with no witnesses. But a newspaper plane took him to the top the next day and the evidence was still there: solo tracks in the snow from the top of the Grand. "You dream up what you want to do with your life..."

Stefano De Benedetti:

"In the Perfect Moment, I was so concentrated there was no space for other thoughts. When you want to make a turn, and you are at the top of a steep vertical wall, I mean, when you are in the situation that if you fall you die, everything changes. You think very much about turning. You think very much about WHERE to turn. And you do all this in a very special way.

You act like a different person.

You act with all your self.

You are making a completely different experience, and in some way, you are discovering yourself.

This is the magic of the mountain. You can except to die for this. You don't wanna to die. But to live so close to the possibility of dying, you understand what is really important, and what NOT.

And this makes you a better person. Its probably the highest moment of my life because in the perfect moment I was, or I felt to be, a little superman."

Anatoli Boukreev:

An incredibly accomplished high altitude climber and guide, Anatoli also pulled off one of the most spectacular high altitude rescues single handedly in a blinding snowstorm after having not had significant rest for 35 hours and after summiting Mt. Everest. He saved the lives of three climbers from his team, the ill fated Scott Fischer Mountain Madness expedition in 1996.

"Mountains are not stadiums where I satisfy my ambition to achieve, they are the cathedrals where I practice my religion...I go to them as humans go to worship. From their lofty summits I view my past, dream of the future and, with an unusual acuity, am allowed to experience the present moment...my vision cleared, my strength renewed. In the mountains I celebrate creation. On each journey I am reborn."

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Quotes That Help

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." - Carlos Castena

"A life in harmony with nature, the love of truth and virtue, will purge the eyes to understanding her text." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world." ~ Buddha

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver

"You are right where you need to be. And where you need to be to learn what you need to learn is not always comfortable and can be quite unpleasant." Amy Keefer

"There is nothing new in the world; everything has been done before, sometimes hundreds of times. But our perspectives always change. There are always new perspectives." - the Dalai Lama

"Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrong doing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean." - Aldous Huxley

"The Chinese character for "Crisis" is comprised of two characters: the character for "Danger" and the character for "Opportunity"."

"Take your face out of your hands and clear your eyes. You have a right to your dreams, and DON'T BE DENIED." Ben Harper

"Praise and blame. Gain and loss. Pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all." - Buddha

"Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up." Chinese Proverb.

"A venturesome minority will always be eager to set off on their own, and no obstacles should be placed in their path; let them take risks, for godsake, let them get lost, sunburnt, stranded, drowned, eaten by bears, buried alive under avalanches - that is the right and privilege of any free American." - Edward Abbey

"Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right." -Henry Ford

"If you are walking along with nothing but a bamboo cane, and someone attacks you with a sword, you should take their sword from them. This, then, is already your victory." 15th Century Martial Arts Master (from the book Secret Tactics of the Martial Arts Experts)

"Those who say you can't shouldn't get in the way of those who are doing it" - unkown via Alyssa

"Somewhere, someone is training harder than you are. And when you meet them in head to head competition, they will beat you." No Fear

"Its not nearly as High and Tight as you think it is, Kate" - Josh Spohler