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Thursday Thoughts

I have a headache. I think it’s because I never seem to get enough sleep. A good night’s sleep eludes me, mostly because I am too crafty for my own good. For instance, I will get into bed at 11:00 but will read or play Sudoku (yes, I'm a nerd) until 1:00. I only think I went to bed at 11:00. On the other end, I do a truly optimistic and idiotic thing: I set my alarm clock for 6:04 am every day. To most of you, that may not seem early, but it is a full hour before I actually have to wake up in order to get to work on time. Why do I set my alarm for 6:04? So that I can indulge in a cruel fantasy game called 'Today I will catch up on stuff before I go to work'

But...

I never catch up on stuff before I go to work. I just don't have the willpower. And yet my alarm continues to go off every morning in the hopes that today will be the day everything changes. Waking myself on purpose only to fall back asleep can't be helping my lethargy. I am also lucky enough to sleep next to someone, but two bodies have a tendency to wake each other up during the night in their unconscious, ever-shifting configuration of limbs.

I've also been stressed lately over our continued Baby JaAdam Quest and this morning's endometrial biopsy. I was dreading it. I wanted to cancel it. I almost did. I'm over it. I didn't...I was there bright and early to have my insides scraped. Not fun...but it's done along with some blood work and assorted swabs. Results in about 10 days. Do I think this will yield answers? No. I'm past that. It is what it is. Will we have have baby JaAdam? I have no idea *sigh*Luckily for my stressed little ass, I am off to Bon Echo for two, hopefully, beautiful days. I am however custodian and as far as I can tell, it will involve a lot of work, boat driving and taking care of others but it will also involve a lot of sun, water, laughs and fun.

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i am the same way with going to sleep. so is steve. i think about you so much, my friend. you pop into my head throughout the day and i say a little (actually big) prayer that you're doing well. lots of love <3<3<3maria

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