Thursday, May 13, 2010

An Illness

Oh God, how I hate to be sick - and I have been unwell for about a week ... after that scrummy lunch I had at this super plush restaurant last Tuesday, in fact. I doubt it was the food (French) but it could have been the terrible company (French) ... I was overdosed on something called arrogance. Anyway, I felt drained after lunch and by the time I got out of my yoga class that evening, I was shivering. It's definitely a flu but this one has lingered on and I still have a swollen gland as I type ... (actually, I think that has something to do with too much PSP-ing the past few weeks too as I tend to tense up - neck gets extra stiff - when I play) hope it isn't something nasty but when my doctor said if the headache continues, I'd have to have my brain scanned. A bit drastic I thought, but then I satrted thinking, rather mobidly, what if I was to (drama, drama) die ...

You see, here is a sad, true story. When I was in my final year at university, I got to know this bunch of young kids in the block I was staying in ... they were all first year students and jolly good fun. And there was this guy, a bit of a joker, but we all loved him because he was so ... full of energy and laughter (no one quite believed he read Maths, he just didn't look "serious" enough). Anyway, just before Christmas he got sick and none of us thought much of it and then, after the holiday, he never came back. He died of a brain haemorrhage and was only 18. When I heard the bad news I couldn't stop physically shaking. Why? Life, indeed, is very fragile and that's why - cliche that it is, we should all enjoy every moment when we are alive - and I think my friend did.

I was thinking, if I die now, what will I miss, what will I not miss? Have I lived life with no regrets? Yes, there have been plenty of regrets but if I were to die now, does that even matter? Oh, being ill always makes me feel sad.