Emmett: It ain't the money ya understand, but if I don't charge ya somethin' the Presbyterians around here are likely to pray for my ruination. How does a hundred dollars a month strike ya?

Dalton: Fine.

Emmett: Can ya afford that much?

Dalton: If it keeps you in the good graces of the church.

Emmett: Ain't it peculiar how money seems to do that very thing?

Red: How long are you gonna be in town?

Dalton: Not very long.

Red: That's what I said 25 years ago.

Dalton: Really? What happened?

Red: I got married to an ugly woman. Don't ever do that. It just takes the energy right out of you. She left me, though. Found somebody even uglier than she was. That's life. Who can explain it?

Dalton: People who want to have a good time won't come to a slaughterhouse, and we've got entirely too many troublemakers here..Too many uhh, 40 year old adolescents, felons, power drinkers, and trustees of modern chemistry...It's going to change.

Hank: Yeah, that sure sounds great...but a lot of the guys who come in here we can't handle one-on-one, even two-on-one.

Dalton: Don't worry about it; all you have to do is follow 3 simple rules: One, never underestimate your opponent..expect the unexpected; Two, take it outside, never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary; and Three...be nice.

Hank: [Incredulously] Come on!!

Dalton: If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker I want you to be nice

Hank: [With resignation] Ok

Dalton: Ask him to walk, be nice, if he won't walk, walk him, but be nice, If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you and you will both be nice...I want you to remember, that it's the job, it's nothing personal.

Steve: Being called a cocksucker isn't personal?

Dalton: No, it's two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response

Steve: What if somebody calls my Mama a whore?

Dalton: Is she?

[everybody snickers]

Dalton: I want you to be nice.. until it's time..to not be nice

Bouncer: So, uh, how are we supposed to know when that is?

Dalton: You won't..I'll let you know...You are the bouncers I am the Cooler; All you have to do is watch my back and each others....and take out the trash!

Doc: Your file says you've got a degree from NYU. What in?

Dalton: Philosophy.

Doc: Any particular discipline?

Dalton: No. Not really. Man's search for faith. That sort of shit.

Doc: Come up with any answers?

Dalton: Not too many.

Doc: How's a guy like you end up a bouncer?

Dalton: Just lucky I guess.

Carrie Ann: [chuckling] Oh, my god…

Dalton: What is the joke?

Carrie Ann: Well, there's no joke. I just think I'm looking at a dead man, though.

Dalton: It seems everywhere I go, I hear that same joke.

Carrie Ann: Yeah, well, something tells me you bring it on yourself.

Wade: [on the phone] You havin' trouble?

Dalton: Oh, you know — nothing I'm not used to. But it's amazing what you can get used to, huh?

Wade: Yeah, tell me about it. This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, "Don't eat the big white mint".