Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:12:02 -0400
From: Ethan Y
Subject: Noah and Jordan Chapter 12
The following story is a work of fiction - and does not represent any
living person. The story contains sex between two consenting adult men. If
you are a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story,
please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not
reproduce without prior consent.
-------------
Hey Everyone,
Well it's been a bit over one year since I started this story. I never
thought a year later I would still be writing it. Time sure does go by
fast. And to think, I was going to stop after posting Chapter 1. Well, here
it is - Chapter 12. And around this one year anniversary, I think it is
fitting. Thanks for sticking with me during this past year and waiting
patiently (for the most part) for the next chapter. I hope it was worth the
wait.
Also, I did send the preview to everyone who asked for it. If I missed
someone, I am really sorry.
As always, sorry, sorry, sorry for the delay.
And a suggestion from me - read slow - the next one will be a while.
Enjoy,
Ethan.
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Chapter 12
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PLEASE NOTE THE TIME CHANGES IN THE CHAPTER ( --- DATE: LOCATION --- )
*** ??? ***
--- Unknown: Unknown ---
"Come on, it will feel good ... "
"I'm not ... no ... "
I struggle, but my attempts are futile against his power.
His weight is on me - pinning me down. I have no where to go.
His hand moves to my waist - to my belt.
I try again. I fail.
"Relax, trust me ... this won't hurt."
"Please ... "
His eyes are on me. I can see his determination.
My belt clicks.
It loosens.
He starts to tug at my pants ...
"Please don't .... "
"You're really going to enjoy this ... "
--- Friday: Noah's Apartment ---
"NO!"
My eyes shoot open. I'm in my room. There's no one here. I look around. I'm
alone. I sit up, trying to regain my composure. It was just a dream
... just a dream. But it felt so real ... very real. I try to shake the
thought out of my head. I look to the clock - 7 a.m. I have class in an
hour, but like yesterday, I don't feel like going. I just want to stay here
- in my room - away from everyone.
Ever since Wednesday night I have been at home - mainly in bed. I feel like
such an idiot. Actually, more like a moron. How could I be so gullible? I
thought I was smarter than that. Yet, I became so wrapped up in a
delusion. I should have known better. It seemed to good to be true
... well, that's because it was. Everything though seemed so real. It felt
good. I felt good. I felt like I belonged - someone cared about me. The
feelings felt genuine. But they were fake. All of it was fake. Built on a
lie. All of it was just to get something else ...
The worst part is - I trusted him. I really trusted him.
I thought he understood me. I thought I understood him. But I didn't. If I
did I guess I would have seen what was coming.
I'm such an idiot. My brain feels void of all thoughts. I don't even know
how to try and comprehend everything that has happened in the past few
days. All of it just seems like a blur ...
--- The Wednesday Before: School Gym ---
We play - or well - I pretend to play volleyball with Jordan. He's trying
to teach me how to play volleyball. We had our English presentation earlier
this afternoon. We talk while playing; more like he is making fun of me,
cursing my skill level, or lack of I should say. Everything seems normal
and yet it feels different. He brings up Sebastian a few times. Keeps
telling me how great of a guy he is and how I should be with him.
I want to ask Jordan why he came to my place on Friday. According to Jenn
it was to tell me that he had never said anything bad against me - and to
tell me Sebastian was lying. Yet he doesn't mention anything about
that. Instead he is all pro-Sebastian. It just feels like he is tyring to
push me away. It feels like he is trying to make me closer to Sebastian so
he won't feel bad for moving away from me. The more I think about it the
more I realize that ultimately it feels like Jordan is distancing himself
from me.
I'm not sure what it is - but it makes no difference. I'm with Sebastian -
he's with Jenn. I'm going to make this work. And yet oddly enough as I am
about to leave, Jordan tells me about his game on Friday. He asks if I am
going to come - or rather if I am going to come because of Sebastian. I
tell him I don't know yet and I will think about it.
I really don't get Jordan. It seems like he wants to be friends and yet at
the same time it seems like he doesn't. Maybe he is being nice to me for
the sake of Jenn? I honestly don't know. I need to stop over thinking
everything. For tonight all I have to think about is having a good night
with Sebastian. That is the only thing I need to think about tonight.
I get home around 7. After getting ready I go to Sebastian's place. If I
can take anything away from today it is what Jordan said in the
presentation - live life. So here I am. I am going to give this
relationship with Sebastian the best I can and we will see where it goes.
I get buzzed in and make my way over to Sebastian's room. Standing outside
the door I can tell we are having take out - Chinese food. I can hear
dishes clattering and someone working away at a rapid pace. See, he went
out of his way for me to prepare - or order in - this dinner. I knock on
the door and exhale.
"Hey Noah,"
"Hi Sebastian."
"Someone sure looks sexy tonight."
I blush, "thanks. You look great as well." Of course he does, he always
does.
"Come on in."
"Thanks."
"How is everything going tonight?" he asks.
"It's good - and yourself?"
"Good, good. Just throw your coat wherever and have a seat," he says as he
walks into the kitchen. "I'm almost done in here."
"Do you need any help?"
"Nope I'm good. Hey, didn't you have your presentation today?"
"Yeah I did." I say staring at the apartment. The last time I was here was
for Jordan's surprise birthday party. The night he walked in on Sebastian
and I. The night the two of us got close to one another.
"And how did it go?" he says coming out from the kitchen.
"It went well I guess. I'm just glad it's done. It felt like it was
dragging on, one chapter after another. It was like - finally - here is the
chapter we've all been waiting for."
"Yeah I know what you mean. Well, if you would follow me - dinner is
served."
We walk into the kitchen where the table is set for two. The kitchen is
pretty small and so is the table. There really isn't anything fancy about
this place, but I can tell Sebastian has put in some effort. He's lit some
candles and put out all the dishes neatly including like 3 forks all in a
row, going from biggest to smallest. Why anyone ever needs 3 forks is
beyond me. He really is trying to impress me - and I must say - it is
working.
"So I thought you were cooking me a home cooked meal, liar? I was looking
forward to that." I say.
"Trust me - you don't want me to cook for you; I'm really bad. If I had, I
think by now we would be calling 911."
"I'm sure it's not that bad."
"Oh it is."
"So was this just an excuse to get me over here tonight then?" I ask him in
a coy manner.
He smiles a devilish grin. "Of course not."
"Well you have great taste in take out."
"Thanks. The restaurant is always so busy. I thought this way we could have
a little more privacy, you know."
"Yeah I know. It's nice. Thank you."
We talk about nothing in particular for the next couple of minutes while
eating. The whole time he keeps brushing his foot against my leg, rubbing
it up and down against my jeans. It gives me goose bumps. Eventually we
move into the living room. I sit down first, expecting him to sit on the
seat across from me, but instead he sits right beside me.
"So can I ask you a dumb question?" I say.
"You can ask me anything.'"
"Does this make us a couple then ... "
He laughs. "Well you never officially gave me an answer."
"I honestly don't even remember what the question was."
"Well, it doesn't matter. I think I know your answer." He looks me in the
eyes and leans towards me. His arm touches mine, caressing it. He brings
his head closer to mine. His lips find my neck. He slowly starts to kiss me
- moving up, inch by inch .... Ah, I'm in heaven. The warmth from his body
feels so good.
I know I should just enjoy the moment but something is pressing on my mind
... and my jeans. "So, can I ask you another question?"
He looks up and smiles. "Someone sure is inquisitive tonight. Sure, go
ahead babe."
"I want our relationship to start off on the right foot. And ... how do I
put this ... I need to know something."
"Okay," he says while his hand slowly rubs my thigh. He's a very touchy
person.
I hesitate. "I ... I need to know what Jordan said to you about me a few
weeks ago."
He looks taken back. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"Well, you said he had said some things about me and I just wanted to know
exactly what he said."
"I can't see why that matters. It's water under the bridge. You two are
done working together so it doesn't matter any more. All that matters is me
and you right now."
"I know but it matters to me. I would just feel better if I knew exactly
what he said to you those two times."
"Well Noah, I honestly don't remember his exact words - and besides it
really doesn't matter. You're with me now, so just enjoy the moment." He
leans back in and starts to kiss me on the neck again.
I should just let this go. I really should. This feels so good. But I sense
he is hiding something from me. He is getting all protective. It just edges
me on to really need to know the truth. "Sebastian, I need to know because
... Jordan says he never said what you say he said."
He pauses and looks up. "He's lying - now can we move on?"
"It's not that simple. He came to tell me he never said anything bad about
me the night he saw us kiss outside my apartment. Why would he go through
so much trouble then if he was lying?"
"So if he wasn't, then are you saying I'm lying?"
"No ... I don't know Sebastian."
"Well, did you ever think that perhaps I might have misunderstood
him. Perhaps he meant to say it in another way, maybe he was being
sarcastic, and I took it at face value."
"I never thought about it that way."
"Well, that's why you shouldn't just jump to conclusions."
He could be right. Maybe this is all just one big
misunderstanding. Something feels off but I should just let this go. I
don't want to ruin what I have going with Sebastian.
"I'm sorry, lets just drop this."
"I'd like that. Now where was I ... "
He leans back in, this time placing his arms on my hips. I still feel a bit
reserved but I should just let this go. Relax. Just relax. Sebastian's lips
are on my skin again, he is softly chewing on my ear lobe. Damn that feels
good. Just live in this moment Noah. Feel him against you.
I feel like I am high. Sebastian seems to know all the right spots to
hit. His hands are all over me - feeling me, caressing me, massaging
me. His lips in the meantime are taking in my skin, savouring me. His warm
breath penetrating into the deepest layers on my skin. His hands move over
to my waist. He starts to unbuckle my belt.
I shift back on the sofa.
He grabs on to me more firmly.
I try to loosen his grip. "Sebastian I'm not ready for that yet."
"Come on Noah, it's me. I promise we will go slow. I won't hurt you."
"I know but Sebastian ... I'm just not sure I am ready to go there with you
yet."
He leans back and looks at me. "Don't you trust me?"
"I do ... "
"So just relax. It will feel good, I promise ... " he says as his hand
moves to my belt again.
"Sebastian ... I'm just not comfortable with this," I say trying to get
up. I can't though, most of his body weight is on me.
"I've been waiting for you for so long ... " he says as he unbuckles my
belt.
"Sebastian .... "
--- Friday Morning: Noah's Room ---
Bang, bang, bang ...
I look up. What the hell was that?
There it is again. Someone is knocking on the door, or more like pounding
it.
"Noah? Are you there."
It's Jenn.
"Noah ... hello ... it's me, Jenn."
I don't say anything. I just remain silent in bed. I don't know if I can
face her. I'm not ready. I want to be alone.
"I guess you're not home. I'll try again later. Call me."
I know I should talk to her - confide in her - it only make sense. But I
can't. I just feel so dumb for the way I've acted. I don't have the
strength to explain everything to her. I will eventually. Just not
now. Right now I need to sleep.
The thing is I can't sleep. Every time I try, I instead end up thinking
about the same thing over and over again. That night with Sebastian.
I need to distract myself. Okay, get up. I need to get off of this bed and
just do something else. It's only 11 in the morning right now.
I try my best to distract myself with everyday household activities -
washing the dishes, I do some laundry - I try watching TV - but nothing
seems to work. I manage to pass time but it doesn't help at all.
By 6 p.m. I feel like I am going to go crazy. I need some air. I grab my
coat and head out the door. I don't know where I am going but I just can't
stay in my apartment any longer.
The cold air feels nice against my skin. It gives feeling to the numbness
inside me. I randomly select streets and keep walking. I don't even know
where I am going, just wherever the road takes me. I walk around for what
seems like hours. The sun sets and soon people start to disappear. It's a
cold night. Most people are bundled up inside. I'm glad the streets are
empty. It reminds me of how I feel inside - empty and alone.
I'm not sure how I end up here, but somehow, the next thing I know I am
standing at the door of the gym. I stand there for a second, looking at the
sign. Why is it that I seem to end up here always? Something just seems to
pull me here which I can't explain. The area looks deserted. The game has
to be over by now. Sebastian won't be here any more - he's probably busy
moving on to his next conquest. I pull the handle and walk inside. The gym
is empty - not a soul in site.
I walk over and sit down on the bleachers. I remember the last time I was
here with Jordan. Now I've lost him, lost Sebastian and in time I will lose
Jenn. It's just the way my luck is. I'm destined to be alone.
I hear a noise.
What the hell was that?
I look around. No one is here.
I don't feel safe anymore.
I should go.
Yet I stay seated.
*** JORDAN *** --- Friday Night: School Gym ---
The door slams behind me as I enter in. It really is getting windy out
there. I quickly make my way into the locker room. I need to grab my stuff
and get out of here as fast as I can.
Where the hell are you Noah! We've looked everywhere for you. I keep
convincing myself he's okay - but it's getting harder and harder to do
so. In my mind I am sure he is fine, but my emotions keep saying something
else. What if I blew it? What if I don't ever get another chance again?
Then what?
The first thing I do when I see him is I am going to punch him so hard. I'm
going to break his bones. I can't believe he has put us through this. I
know he's fine. I'm sure of it. And I am going to beat the crap out of
him. Then I won't want to let him go ever again. I will hold on to him.
But what if he doesn't want to be held? He's with Sebastian. I was the one
pushing him towards Sebastian. Why would he even want someone like me? I
keep thinking about what I want but what about what he wants? Why would he
want a guy like me even? I don't even know if he likes me that way. Just
because he's gay doesn't mean he likes every guy. I don't like every
girl. He might just see me as a friend or a guy acquaintance.
None of this matters right now though. I need to find him first. I grab my
wallet and make my way back towards the gym.
*** NOAH *** --- Friday Night: School Gym ---
Life sure is cruel. Sometimes you think you have everything and in just one
moment it's all taken away from you. I thought I had Sebastian - but I
don't. I thought I was friends with Jordan - but he's just pushing me
away. He seems to be more involved with Jenn. Then of course there is Jenn
- who, let's face it - once she starts dating Jordan seriously, will
probably forget about me and our friendship.
Just for once everything seemed like it was starting to go right. Fine,
everything wasn't perfect but it was better than before. I started
embracing my sexuality for once and I felt good about that. It felt good to
be open and honest, and yet it got me no where. Perhaps this was a stupid
idea. I should have just said no to Sebastian right from the beginning. I
should have just found another girlfriend and worked it through ...
If only Wednesday night had gone differently ...
--- The Wednesday Before: Sebastian's Apartment ---
"Sebastian, I'm not ready for this .... " I say as he loosens my belt.
"Noah, I promise, I won't hurt you. You're going to enjoy this. Trust me."
His arms go under my shirt as he tries to lift it up. I push forward and am
able to jump off of the coach as he falls back a bit. He gets up right away
as I rebuckle my belt.
"Noah, what are you doing?"
"I think I should go Sebastian."
"Why? Noah, stay."
"I told you Sebastian, I'm not ready to have sex with you yet."
He grabs my hand. "Oh, don't be such a girl. I will make you feel really
good."
"Let go of my hand," I say forcefully.
He lets go of my hand. "I knew from the start going after you was a
mistake. You're too caught up fantasizing about Jordan anyways."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh drop it. If it was him you would be fucking like rabbits already. He's
not into you. I can make you feel good right now - not him."
"I'm not into Jordan."
"Right and that's why you want to know what he said about you - because
you're not into him."
"I get it now. All those things you said - all of it was just to get me
away from him wasn't it?"
"It' was for your own good anyway, you saw the way he took off when he saw
us kiss. He was disgusted by it."
"So you did lie to me then. You lied about what he said so I could get
closer to you."
"You're making it sound bad. I did it for you."
"You didn't do it for me. You did it for yourself. Was that the plan the
whole time, just get me into bed? I can't believe you. I trusted you. Good
bye Sebastian."
As I try to turn around he grabs my arm again and turns me towards him. My
body is pressed against his.
"Look Noah, I didn't waste the last few weeks running after you for
nothing. I could have been with a lot of guys in the meantime."
"Am I supposed to feel lucky? I don't owe you anything."
"You're running after nothing. Jordan is fake. I'm real. I can treat you
like a man and make you feel good, just stay for a while."
He leans in and before I can move away places his lips on mine.
I push him away.
"I don't know what to believe from you anymore."
"You're such a fucking tease. Leading me on this whole time. I stood by you
when you were confused. Then on the couch, edging me on to go
further. Fine, fuck off. And don't come crawling back to me when Jordan
rejects you."
I grab my coat and walk towards the door.
"Stupid fucking tease .... " That's the last thing I hear as I open the
door and walk out.
--- Friday Night: School Gym ---
You never realize how someone can change so fast. One minute we're having
fun and eating ... the next fighting and swearing. It was a whole different
side of Sebastian I had never seen before. He became someone I didn't even
recognize. He revealed his true colours. He lied to me about Jordan to get
closer to me. He based our relationship on a lie - how could I possibly
trust him anymore? I don't know what if anything he said to me was
true. Everything he said was just to get to his end game - get me into
bed. I should have seen that in him. He's super competitive when playing
volleyball. He'd do anything to win - and he did.
Sitting in this empty gym, I've never felt this alone in my life
before. Perhaps that's why I came here - in some faint hope I could hit
rewind - go back to like things were before - when I was friends with Jenn
... and just English partners with Jordan.
I need to stop living in a fantasy world. I should go home.
"Noah?"
I look up.
Jordan?
*** JORDAN *** --- Friday Night: School Gym ---
I walk out into the gym and across the court. I am almost at the end when I
notice something in the corner of my eye. I turn around and look towards
the bleachers. Someone is sitting there - head down. Instinct tells me to
turn around and walk towards them.
Is that? It's can't be.
"Noah?"
They look up.
Thank god.
It's him.
I run over to the bleachers.
"Hi ... " he says standing up.
"Hi ... "
I look into his eyes.
Put my right arm around his waist.
Lean in.
And without thinking ... give into my inner desire.
I bring my face close to his and plant my lips on his, pressing against
him. The moment they touch it feels like an electric current has run
through my body. I feel energized, warm and complete. I bring my left arm
around and wrap myself around him, enclosing him within me. I kiss him
deeply and passionately. I kiss him like I've never kissed anyone before.
Midway through I start to realize what I am doing - I'm actually kissing
Noah - but I don't stop - I only hold on tighter. This feels right. I start
to feel his body tense up - it seems like he is hesitating. It then clicks
in my head he has a boyfriend. Shit! It's then that I break off the kiss
and take a step back. I lower my head - too afraid to look at him.
I slowly lift up my gaze. Noah is just standing there staring at me - eyes
wide open - like a deer caught in headlights. His mouth is open like he is
about to say something but no words come out.
I want to jump back on top of him and kiss him again - harder - deeper and
longer. But I refrain.
Instead, I take a deep breath, step closer to him, and punch him in the
arm. Damn that feels good.
His eyes grow even wider. He grabs his right arm with his left hand. He
looks so confused.
I need to distract him and change topics. "Where the hell have you been?"
I say to him.
When I saw Noah a rush of two emotions overtook me. Relief and
anger. Relief that he was alive and well. Anger for what he put us
through. It was either kissing him or punching him first. Now that I think
about it - I probably should have punched him first - he would have
forgotten that part by now.
"I'm sorry, did you just ... and I ... just ... "
"I know. We'll get to that in a second. First, where have you been? Jenn
and I have been going crazy looking for you!"
He just stares at me. "Was that ... some sort of mean joke ... because, um,
that really wasn't funny ... "
I look directly at him.
"I wouldn't joke about that. Besides, it doesn't matter. You're safe that's
all that matters to me. But where the hell have you been?"
"I'm sorry .. I'm clearly missing something here. Jordan - you just kissed
me."
"Yeah, I know." I say lowering my head. I feel stupid for putting myself
out there. That was a stupid, stupid idea.
He just continues to stare at me. "Why?"
I let out a small laugh, more like an awkward chuckle. "Isn't it
obvious. It's because .... " I breathe, " .... because I .... I have
feelings for you ... I like you."
His eyes grow even wider. It looks like they will pop out of his head. "Oh
... "
"I'm not gay .. I've never liked guys. I ... I don't know what this is -
but I can't help it. There is something here. I've been trying to fight it,
but it hasn't worked. I like you - a lot - and I don't know what to do
about it. It was stupid of me to kiss you. I'm sorry. You have a boyfriend
and that was dumb of me. You probably hate ... "
My rambling is interrupted as Noah moves quickly and swiftly towards me. He
takes my face in his hands and before I can even blink his lips are on
mine. He's kissing me. He's kissing me. My heart picks up speed as emotions
build up inside of me. I grab a hold of him again - this time stronger than
before. He returns the same passion I just gave him a moment ago. Our
bodies are tightly pressed against one another. I can feel his heart thump
against my skin. I begin to open my mouth and bring out my tongue. I want
to feel him. He gives way, opening up his mouth. We connect. We are one.
The moment of bliss is interrupted as my phone starts to ring. He abruptly
breaks off the kiss. I don't let go of him though.
"I don't have a boyfriend .... but you have a girlfriend," he says.
The moment the worlds leave his mouth my arms drop from around his
waist. Fuck! Jenn. I grab my phone - and sure enough it is her.
"Hey Jenn ... "
"Where are you? It's been like 10 minutes?" she asks.
"Sorry, I know but I found Noah."
"What? Where?"
"On campus - on my way to the gym. And he's fine."
"Oh thank god. I'm going to kill that nerd. Where is he?"
"Right beside me."
"Can I talk to him?"
"Sure," I say to her. "Here," I say to Noah. "She wants to talk to you."
He hesitantly takes the phone.
"Hello ... ... I'm .... Jenn ... but .... it's ... sorry ... "
The poor guy barely gets a word in. All I can hear is Jenn screaming on the
other end of the phone.
"Here, she wants to talk to you again ... "
"Yeah Jenn," I say.
"I can't believe that guy. I'm so mad at him. Kick him for me will you."
"I will."
"I'm so sorry about tonight Jordan."
"It's okay, it really is."
"If you don't mind I'm just going to go back home. I'm exhausted from
walking the planet."
"Yeah I completely understand. We'll talk later okay. Bye."
I shut my phone off and look towards Noah who has gone back down and sat on
the bench. His forearms are resting on his legs, head dropped to the
floor. I sit beside him. Neither of us look at the other.
"Jenn sends her best wishes," I say.
Even though I'm not looking at his face I can tell that made him smile.
"Yeah."
"She asked me to kick you - and I'm really thinking about it. You deserve
it after what you pulled."
He looks up at me. "What did I do exactly? And why did you punch me?"
"For disappearing like that. We've been looking all over for you. You just
dropped off the planet after Wednesday night ... " When I say Wednesday
night it clicks in my head. His date was Wednesday night and he said he
doesn't have a boyfriend. "What happened to Sebastian?"
He lowers his head again. "Nothing."
"I thought you two were ... "
"We're nothing."
"Did something happen on Wednesday?"
"He showed me his true colours - the real Sebastian."
"Did he hurt you? If he did, I'll kick the living ... "
He cuts me off. "No, he didn't hurt me."
"Are you okay?"
"I will be."
"I'm sorry Noah."
"Don't be. I'm not. It wasn't meant to be and I'm glad I found out before I
got too involved with him."
"So, where have you been these past two days?"
"Mainly in my room. I've had my phone and computer off. I just wasn't ready
to talk to anyone. I felt kind of dumb for thinking something would happen
between Sebastian and myself."
I turn to him, "Why didn't you call me?"
He laughs an awkward laugh. "How could I call you? Jordan, I don't
understand you. I really don't. Sometimes it seems like you want to be
friends and at other times it seems like you don't. That day in the gym you
were pushing me away - towards Sebastian. Why would I call you?"
Fuck! I was pushing him away - and he realised it too. "I'm so sorry
Noah. I ... I didn't know he was like that."
"I know you didn't mean to cause me any harm."
"I just thought if you were happy with Sebastian than everything would be
okay, that I could ignore the feelings I have for you. But then when I
couldn't find you tonight I got worried. I realized all that I was missing
and when I saw you I ...
"So that's why you kissed me ... "
"Yeah ... and you kissed me."
"I did."
"So does that mean you like me too ... ?"
He gives me a weak smiles. "You really are an idiot. What do you think?"
"I think you do."
"I've liked you for a long time now but I never thought you would have the
same feelings for me. I still don't really believe it."
"So where do we go from here?" I ask.
He drops his head back again, and looks at the floor. "No where."
"What? What do you mean?" His answer completely catches me off guard. What
is he talking about? I just put myself out there for him and he said he
likes me too - so what the hell is going on?
"There is no where to go. Jordan you're with Jenn."
"I know, but ... "
"And can you really live that lifestyle?"
"I don't ... "
"The first thing you said to me was you're not gay."
"Noah, I don't know what label I am. It's like Septimus and Evans. Our
relationship. It's not labelled by terms or anything like that. I like you
- you - Noah. You're a guy and so that's just the way it is. I don't know
more than that."
"Jordan - that's a book, that's literature - that's not life. We're in the
real world and you can't live in a bubble. Being with me means a life that
you may not understand .... "
"I know, but ... "
"Tell me, are you going to go and tell John and Eli you're gay or you have
a boyfriend?"
"I .... "
"Or your mom?"
He pauses for a moment. "I'm not sure ... "
"And above all, I love Jenn. I really do. She's my best friend. She has
always been beside me whenever I needed her. And she likes you. I can't
take that away from her. I can't. What kind of a friend would I be?"
"But what about us? What about what we feel for each other?"
"Right now Jordan you're not thinking straight - no pun intended - you're
emotions are overtaking your judgement. You kissed me because you're on an
emotional high and not thinking rationally. You'll understand what I am
saying when you think about it. It's getting late. I should go." He says
getting up.
Maybe he's right. Being with Noah means facing a world that I'm not sure I
can face. What would my mom say, my friends? What do I say to Jenn? These
are the same thoughts that kept me from doing anything in the past. I can't
keep holding on to them - I don't want to lose him again. I've been given
another chance, if I don't take it now, it might not ever happen again.
I get up. "Wait Noah ... "
"Jordan," he says turning around, "some stories are just not meant to
be. Good night."
He turns around and walks out the door. I sit back down on the bench,
defeated.
*** NOAH *** --- Friday Night: School Gym ---
Every inch of my body is yelling at me to turn back around and run right
back into his arms. He likes you. He wants to be with you - what are you
doing, why are you running away? I keep myself from turning my head back to
look at him. I have to stay focussed. Keep walking. Just keep
walking. Unfortunately my brain is working tonight, and it's telling me
going back is not the right thing to do. It takes a lot of will power to
push open the door and walk out of the gym into the cold and lonely night.
I could never have imagined tonight would have gone anything like it
did. He kissed me. He really kissed me. And damn did he ever kiss me! Holy
crap he's good. I can't help but feel a little happy inside. I had always
wished deep down he would like me. Though I always thought that was a
fantasy. I knew it was a delusion I needed to get rid of out of my
head. Instead I would have been satisfied with just being his friend -
though even that didn't seem like it would happen. Now, forget friends, he
wants to be my boyfriend .... my boyfriend ...
Shit! What am I doing!? I should go back to him, be in his arms, feeling
him ... kissing him ...
I don't know what came over me when I was with him. When he said he liked
me it just made me feel like I have never felt before. I felt wanted, cared
for. I felt special. He was so genuine and so cute too all mumbling and
all. Then it hit me when his phone rang - Jenn. Jenn! How could I do that
to Jenn. What am I going to say to her? I kissed her boyfriend? She would
never trust me again. I don't want to lose her ...
How can I backstab Jenn to get what I want? She likes him - she really
likes him and she is happy. I can't take that away from her for my own
sake. I know how crappy it felt when I had to break things off with
Sebastian - even though he was a jerk - and I don't want to make Jenn feel
that way too. She's always been there for me and I can't betray her.
The other thing is can I trust Jordan? Our relationship from the start has
been .... I don't even know how to describe it. We were good friends at
first, then we drifted apart, and then things got better again and then he
was pushing me away ... and there is just so much between us. We've never
really had a constant between us. He could want this now and then run away
two days later. He doesn't know what he wants. The first thing he said was
he wasn't gay. He doesn't understand what all of this means and I can't set
myself up for a fall again. I'm going to get attached and then he is going
to change his mind and walk out the door and I'll be left alone again. I'll
lose him and I'll lose Jenn.
AAAH!!! Honestly, why does life have to be so complicated? Why is it that
when you really want something and there is a chance you are about to get
it - it's in reach of your hand - someone yanks it away. It's almost like
the world is teasing me - leading me on. I'm just the idiot who keeps
falling for it.
I walk up the stairs and into my apartment. I don't change and just flop
right down onto the bed. I don't know what I am going to do. I throw my
head back and close my eyes. I picture Jordan standing in front of me. I
can feel his lips against mine. The sensation within me returns. My body
begins to burn up inside with desire. My hand moves down to my pants. My
dick is fighting for freedom. I recall his touch, his feel. I open my belt,
lift my waist up and pull my pants down. My free dick slaps against my
stomach. I feel it in my hand as I continue to remember Jordan's touch. His
lips. His body. His warmth. It drives me crazy as I start to pump my
dick. His hands on me. My hands on him. Our lips. His tongue. The feel of
his hair in my hands. I begin to jerk faster, breathe harder. His body
against mine, our tongues interlocked. His presence. With a moan I release
all over myself and my clothes. My orgasm is intense as streams of cum hit
my stomach and my chest.
What the hell am I going to do?
---
I'm not sure what time I actually fall asleep. I'm woken up by the stench
of dried cum. I had thrown my shirt on the floor which was covered in it. I
can smell it on my hands and on my sheets. I get up and make my over to the
shower. The warm water feels nice against my skin. My dick is hard again -
the thought of Jordan is fresh in my mind. It all seems like a weird dream
- the kiss, his touch. Him telling me he likes me. I slowly start to rub my
dick again with the thought of him in my head.
I'm brought back into the realm of reality when I hear a knock coming from
outside. I turn off the tap and walk over to the washroom door and shout
out.
"Hello?"
"Noah, it's me Jenn - open the door."
Shit. Jenn.
"Ah, I'm just in the shower. Give me two seconds k?"
"Hurry up!"
Crap! Jenn! What the hell is she doing here? I hop back into the shower and
quickly rinse off. My dick is hard but I will have to let that die down on
its own. I'm out of the shower in a few minutes and I grab some clean
clothes. Shit, it stinks in my room still. I grab my sheets and clothes and
throw them into the hamper in the washroom and shut the lid.
"Any day now Noah ... "
"Coming ... "
It still smells. I open the window and grab a bottle of cologne from my
table and spray a few shots in the air. It's a least a bit better now.
"NOAH!"
Shit. "I'm here, I'm here." I say as I open the door. Wow. She's
pissed. "Hi." She just looks at me. It makes me nervous. "Did you want to
come in?"
She walks past me and into the apartment. This is not going to be fun.
"So, how are you?" I say in the most calm voice I can.
"I want to kick the fucking crap out of you right now."
"I'm glad you're doing well."
"Where the hell where you for the last two days?"
"No where Jenn. Here. I just kind of lost track of time and I wasn't
feeling too good so I didn't go to class and ... "
"Bull shit - you look fine. I tried to call you, I even came here a number
of times. I looked everywhere - EVERYWHERE - that I could think of. I
called your mom. I even was about to go file a police report - and then you
turn up at the school gym! Did you not check your phone or your e-mail or
anything? Did you not think people might be worried about you? You didn't
show up to class and you don't do that without telling me. Then you miss
another. Then you don't answer your phone and then you don't reply to my
e-mail and ... "
She goes on for a few more seconds. I kind of tune out because my ears
start to hurt.
"NOAH!"
"Yeah."
"Are you not listening to me?"
"Of course, of course I am. I'm sorry - I'm really, really sorry - I never
meant to cause you so much stress. I didn't come to class because ...," I
might as well tell her, "because of Sebastian."
For the first time she actually looks at me and stops before saying
anything. She can finally see that everything isn't okay. A worried look
comes on her face.
"What happened?"
"Here, sit down." She had been pacing back and forth while on her rant. "We
broke up."
"Oh. I'm sorry Noah. But why? I thought things were going well?"
"I thought so too. But they weren't. He wasn't the guy I thought he was and
so when I found out his true colours I realized I had made a mistake."
"But what happened?"
I go through the story - or well most of it - I don't go into the whole
Jordan parts for obvious reasons. I tell her how he was trying to force me
to have sex with him and the subsequent argument we had.
"So I got up and walked out of his apartment," I say.
"What a jerk. I'm going to fucking beat the crap out of him. I'm sorry
Noah."
"You know what, it's fine - it wasn't meant to be and I'm glad I found out
now before things went further."
"Yeah, but hey you know there are a lot of positive things that came out of
this. You came out to me."
"Yeah I did and I guess it has helped me figure out a bit of this whole
sexuality question."
"Why didn't you call me Noah? I'm your friend, I would have been there for
you."
"I know you would have Jenn - but - I just felt so stupid. I felt like an
idiot for believing him, for falling for him and I don't know, I felt
ashamed of myself and I didn't want to be seen by anyone - you know, judged
by anyone."
"I would never judge you, you know that."
"I do, I do, but when the mind plays tricks on you, you forget
everything. So I stayed at home mostly."
"Well next time - and not that I am saying I want you to get dumped again -
but next time you are in some trouble - call me - don't hide. You freaked
me out. I was so worried something had happened to you. It was freaking me
out."
"I know, and again I am sorry. I really am. Forgive me?"
"No. I'm still mad and will use this against you for the rest of your
life."
"Fine, but I know you forgive me." I smile for the first time. Jenn - she
is the best. I don't know what I would do without her. All the more reason
why I can't be with Jordan.
"So then yesterday, where did you go?"
"Oh, I just needed to get out of the house and so I went for a walk on
campus. That's when I ran into Jordan ... "
"Yeah and I guess I know the rest from there."
Oh how you don't. I want to tell her. I should. Jordan kissed me. I kissed
him. But I can't bring myself to do it. I can't break her heart. It was a
one time thing and it won't ever happen again. I don't want to lie to her
though ... I have to tell her ...
"Jenn .... " I sigh. I can't tell her.
Her phone rings. Thank god.
"Hang on a sec," she says to me. "Hello. Hey Jordan. I'm good. Yourself?
Yeah my feet are much better, they hurt so much because of Noah. Lunch? I
am actually at Noah's place right now, ah, I'll bring him along too. I'll
see you in 1 hour. Sounds good. Bye." She hangs up the phone. "Sorry what
were you saying?"
"Nothing ... "
"Alright, get ready, let's go for lunch."
"I'm not hungry Jenn, you go on without me."
"I wasn't asking you - I was telling you. Get up, let's go."
"I don't want to be a third wheel."
"Noah, shut up man, you're not okay. I'm not leaving you alone. You're
coming with me okay, let's go."
"Jenn, I'm fine, really."
"I really will kick the crap out of you if you don't get up right now."
"Fine."
There really is no point of arguing with her - in the end she always gets
her way.
*** JORDAN *** --- Saturday Morning: Jordan's Work ---
I dreaded getting out of bed today. I had to wake up early to go to
work. It's my first day back after being away for so long because of my
foot. It felt nice to not be here. I hate this job. I've had it ever since
first year. Everyone was welcoming me back and asking me how I was. It was
nice to see everyone - but I still hate what I do. All day putting
groceries on the shelf and telling dumb people who don't know how to read
where things are.
The other reason why I didn't want to get out of bed was because of last
night. I had felt like I knew exactly what I wanted - and I went for it -
and yet I was shot down. It felt so right and felt good but it didn't work
out. Part of my feels like an idiot - the other part is confused. Noah
brought up some good points - all of which I have thought about before. The
problem is before that is all I did - think. I thought about being with a
guy and all the problems - I thought about Noah - and I didn't act. Then I
almost lost my chance with him - and so when I saw him - I took the
chance. Yet I came up empty handed.
Maybe he is right. Maybe I don't know what I am doing. Maybe this is all
just one stupid mistake. I don't know. What I do know is I have someone who
I do like and likes me back and wants to be with me - Jenn. On my break I
call her and ask her out to lunch. I was hoping to have this lunch alone
with Jenn but she invites Noah along. I wanted to object but I didn't know
how without sounding like an ass.
Oh Noah. Why did you have to make this so much worse? He's made his choice
clear and I guess I just have to respect that. I just feel like there is
something there - something I am missing. It felt so good to hold on to
him, to kiss him. But he is right, I'm not sure I can be gay. I want him -
but I don't want the uncertainty that comes along with it and the lifestyle
- people judging you and throwing you out of their life. I'm not sure I can
handle that if it happens.
I get off work an hour later and make my way over to the cafe. It's full of
people all moving around, having fun, chatting. It's a beautiful day
outside. The sun is out in full force and I can tell people are enjoying
this unseasonably warm October day.
I see Jenn and Noah enter through the door. Jenn smiles at me. I catch
Noah's eye. He looks at me and is about to turn his head away, but then
doesn't. I guess he is going to act like nothing happened last night.
"Hey Jordan," Jenn says.
"Hey, how are you guys?" I ask.
"Good," she says.
"Good," he says.
"Thank you for finding this lost one yesterday night," Jenn says to me.
"No problem. And I will have you know I did punch him." And kiss him too.
"Yeah thanks for that. I think I have a bruise." Noah says.
"Oh I barely touched you ... " Or well, more like felt you up ... "it can't
be that bad." I say.
"Well good, you should have kicked him too." Jenn adds in.
"Yes, yes, let's just all beat me up, shall we?" He says sarcastically.
The waitress walks over to our table. "Hi guys, I'll be your waitress for
today, are you ready to order?"
"Do you have any specials on today?" Jenn asks.
"We do, we have freshly caught grilled salmon." The waitress replies.
"Sound goods, I will have that, thanks." Jenn says.
"You know what, so will I," Noah chips in.
"I'll have an egg-salad sandwich, thanks." I say.
"Alright, I will be back in a bit with your food."
We continue to talk about nothing much in particular. Noah tries to act
like everything is okay - and that is the key word - act. I can tell it
isn't - and how could it be after last night. But it makes sense, I can't
let Jenn know what happened last night.
"Hey guys," the waitress returns after a few moments, "we actually only
have one salmon left. Sorry. Did one of you want to change your order?"
"Yeah, I'll get something else," Noah says.
"No that's fine I'll get something different." Jenn also says.
"I'll leave you two to decide and be back in 2 minutes." The waitress says
before she runs off.
"That's fine Jenn, you wanted it so have it." Noah says.
Interesting. Very interesting.
"That's fine, really, I'll get something else." Jenn says.
"Are you sure?" asks Noah.
"Yes, I am."
The waitress comes back and Jenn orders something else. I see this as an
opportunity to drive home a point.
"See Noah, Jenn is such a great friend, she put your needs in front of her
own."
The words are barely out of my mouth when Noah shoots me a look. He can
tell what I am doing.
"She really wanted the fish," I continue, "but she knew it would make you
happy so she gave it to you."
"Uh Jordan, it's only a fish." Jenn says.
"Yeah I know, but when I used to hang out with John and if we both liked a
girl, for example, John would always get super competitive. He never cared
what I wanted - it only mattered what made him happy. Now I don't see that
happening between the two of you. If there was something you both really
wanted but only one could have, would you give it to Noah Jenn if it made
him happy?"
"Um, I don't know. I guess so. Of course I want him to be happy - but he
knows that I matter more. It's just the way it is," she says. "And ... it's
only a fish, really Jordan."
"So you wouldn't sacrifice something you want if it made Noah happy?" I ask
her.
"Well, no, I wouldn't say it like that. In all seriousness, I probably
would. I'll be alright - but this one - well he is the way he is - he needs
all the help he can get. And I know if the tables were turned he would do
the same for me."
"That's the thing Jordan, in a friendship sometimes you win... " he looks
directly at me, "and sometimes you lose."
"And, yeah, and really it's only a fish - there will be more in the
future," Jenn says.
The waitress decides to drop in right then with our food. The conversation
from there isn't the same as it was before. Both Noah and I are awfully
quiet - which is fine because Jenn does most of the talking for the three
of us anyway. Every so often I glance over at Noah. He looks my way but
turns away quickly.
When we've paid the bill Noah makes some dumb excuse and leaves the cafe in
lightening speed. I decide to walk Jenn home.
"Is everything okay between the two of you?" Jenn asks when we are outside.
"Yeah, why would you say that?"
"Well you were both awfully quiet and when you did talk - you both
generally were talking to me and not each other."
"Everything is fine. I didn't notice anything."
"If you say so ... " she says. "So, I was thinking we could actually have
our proper date tonight since last night it kind of got messed up."
"Sure. I'll drop by your place at 7 ish and we can go out to eat or a
movie, whatever you want."
"Sounds good."
"I'll see you later."
She leans in and kisses me on the lips. My eyes close and the moment her
lips touch mine I think of Noah. I remember the feeling I felt when I
kissed him. The same emotion just isn't there.
"Bye Jordan."
"Bye."
---
I spend the next couple of hours trying to get some work done but without
much success. I keep thinking of Noah and the night before. The feeling of
him in my arms - kissing him - being with him. The desire to be with
him. The thing is, even if he agrees to be with me, how do I ditch Jenn and
then become her best friend's boyfriend? I can see that being a big
problem. But she wants him to be happy. At the cafe - she said so as much -
I just need for him to figure that out too.
I don't like dragging Jenn along. When she asked about tonight I should
have said no - but what else could I have done? Sit at home and be
miserable? This is the only viable option I have left. I just don't want to
use her. She is a really good girl.
I get dressed and head on out. Soon after my phone starts to ring - long
distance.
"Hello?"
"Hey Jordan!"
"Hey, Aiden - how are you man?"
"I'm good, back in Australia."
"When did you get back?"
"Yesterday - on Saturday."
"Isn't it Saturday?"
"Dork it's almost 11 o'clock in the morning here - on Sunday."
"Right, yeah the time difference. How's everything going?"
"Good, thought I would check up on you to see how everything is going?"
"It's just going man, not great, but not that bad either."
"So what happened with that girl you were crushing on?"
"Nothing man ... "
"Oh, is that because you didn't try anything?"
"I did."
"What did you try? Something lame."
"I'll have you know, we kissed actually."
"Right on! So what happened after?"
"Well, nothing, not interested. I'm dating their best friend right now and
so they said no ... "
"Oh, I could see that as being a problem .... so what did she say after you
kissed her."
"Asked why and actually, kissed me back."
"She kissed you back?"
"Yeah, but as I said it ended there."
"But you really like this girl don't you?"
"I do man. But maybe it's not worth it - there are so many obstacles and
... I don't know if I can overcome them all ... "
"You know man, I would in most cases say just move on, but she kissed you
back - and that has to mean something. She likes you too."
"Yeah, they admitted as much to me."
"So she actually told you she likes you?"
"Yes."
"Then dude what the fuck are you waiting for! I know the friend thing can
get ugly but, if this other girl is really her best friend, she should
understand. "
"I don't know Aiden ... if you stole a girlfriend from me, I think I would
be pretty pissed."
"What the hell are you talking about? Do you not remember Emily in grade
9?"
"That's not the same thing .... "
"You knew I liked her."
"Yeah but you weren't dating ... "
"So, you knew I was going to ask her out."
"Is there a point here?"
"My point is, I'm still your friend."
"Yeah, not a really god one. And the circumstances are really different
... "
"Jordan, what do you really want ?"
"To be with them."
"Then fuck it all - you're not one to quit - never have been. You're a
stubborn jackass. Trust me, I know."
"Thanks, I guess."
"You know what I mean. There has to be a way - you're a creative guy. And
their friend will get over it."
"I think it's over man."
"Well it's your life - just don't come whining to be when you are a horny
90-year-old wrinkled lonely man."
"I can't guarantee anything."
"Hey I gotta run mate this call is costing me my entire life savings
.... I'll catch you on MSN later - and I hope with some good news."
"Did you just call me mate?"
"No ... "
"Damn, you're becoming an Aussie already ... alright, talk to you
later. Take care man. Don't let a kangaroo kill you."
"Yeah because they just randomly jump on people and kill them here,
right. And yeah, you stay away from those geese, they're after
you. Dumbass. Bye."
"Bye."
I have heard of that cliche phrase before, a fork in the road - well
tonight I really am faced with one. If I go right - it will lead me to
Noah. It will lead me to want my heart wants, but my mind fears. It won't
be easy but I'll have a chance at being happy inside. It will make life so
much more difficult. But if I have Noah by my side, does it really matter?
The other option, if I go left - Jenn. She's a great girl who I can be
happy with. She's safe. Life with her is easy and drama free - well, it's
Jenn - so maybe not drama free - but not the same challenges I will face if
I go with Noah.
Tonight's the night I make my choice. I can't keep dragging Jenn along if I
am not interested. I can't keep going through these feelings with Noah - I
will drive myself crazy. Tonight I have to make a decision. There is no
looking back. Whichever way I go will be my destiny no matter what. I close
my eyes, take a deep breath and exhale.
I know where I have to go.
I continue walking; my pace quickens. My heart is jumping wildly inside my
rib cage. I can see the building. I start to have doubts. No. Push them
aside. This is it. Within moments I am there. I make my way inside of the
building and find the apartment. This is it. This is it. I knock on the
door and step back.
It opens.
"Hey Jordan."
"Hi Jenn."
--------
Well folks that's it! The End of Noah and Jordan ...
Or is it? Scroll down to find out ...
(FYI I was going to end the chapter here - but I thought I would be
nice. For once.)
--------
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*** JORDAN *** --- Saturday Night: Jenn's Place ---
"Hey Jordan ... "
"Hi Jenn."
"Come on in."
"Thanks."
This is the right thing to do. No backing out now. I just have to stick
with my decision.
"I'll be ready in a few more minutes."
"Um, actually, I was wondering if we could talk first."
"Okay," she says getting a somewhat concerned look on her face, "What
about?"
Okay - just do this. I have to. It's the only right thing to do. It's only
fair. The problem is my mouth is dry. I think there is more moisture in a
dessert.
"Jenn, I think you're an amazing person."
"I don't think I like where this is going ... "
"I'm sorry Jenn. I don't think we should see each other any more." I don't
look at her directly when I say this. I feel so guilty and like a horrible
person.
"You're breaking up with me?"
"I know this sounds like a line - but it really is me. I'm just not at the
right place in my life right now and I don't think it's fair to you if I
drag you along."
"You're really breaking up with me. I don't understand, I thought things
were going well between us?"
"They are - they are. I hope in the future I can explain all of this to you
- and I promise one day I will. I can't right now but I will - and I think
you'll understand then."
"Does this have something to do with Noah?"
Shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did I say fuck yet? If not - FUCK!
"I ... "
"Clearly there was something going between the two of you at lunch today
... "
I cut her off. "Jenn, this is about me."
"I don't understand. I ... well, if that's the way it is then, that's the
way it is."
"I hope we can still be friends Jenn, I really, really do."
"Um, right now I don't really want to see your face."
"I completely understand that ... I'm going to go. Again, I'm sorry Jenn."
When the door shuts behind me I let out a big sigh. I feel like a horrible
person - in fact - the worst person - but I've made my choice - and I had
to do this - it was the only right thing to do. In the future, she will
understand. I really hope she will.
I don't have much time. I have to get there before I change my mind or she
calls. That could ruin things. I start to run - and I mean run - across the
city. I only have to go a few blocks. I dart in and out of traffic. I
almost get hit once - I need to be more careful. I just need to get there -
now.
I see his building and run up the stairs - no time for the elevator. By the
time I am upstairs I am huffing like never before. I am out of breath. I
try to relax a bit but my heart is going a mile a minute.
Aiden brought up one good point I had over looked completely. He kissed
me. He kissed me back. And he really did kiss me. There was something there
- and it was strong. I could feel it from his end. He wants this just as
much as I do. I can't let him go without a fight.
This is it. I put it all out there once before ... here goes try number 2.
I knock on the door and step back.
It opens.
"Jordan ... " He looks surprised.
"Hey ... can I come in?"
"Um ... sure."
I walk in as Noah closes the door behind me. I turn around, put my hands on
his face and kiss him. I don't give him a second to react or retreat. I
need to do this. I need to show him how much I care. I plant my lips on
his. I can feel his body tense and then slowly start to relax. But just a
few seconds into the kiss he puts his hands on my shoulders and lightly
pushes me away. I still hold on to him.
"Jordan, we can't keeping doing this ... "
"Noah ... "
The phone rings. He lifts his head up and looks to the side. I use my hands
to bring his face back in front of mine. I want him to look into the
eyes. I want him to see how much I care for him.
"I broke up with Jenn."
"You what ... "
I cut him off. I can't let him speak. I need to get this out.
"I broke up with her because I know who I want to be with - you. Noah I
don't know how everything is going to end - I don't know if it will be
perfect or if we will be happy. I don't know when I will tell my mom or
friends about you - I don't know any of that - but it doesn't matter. None
of it matters. Only you matter. I don't care what problems I have to - we
have to face - we can do it. As long as you are by my side that's all I
need. I don't know what all of this is - I just know I like you - I really
like you. There is something here between us - you can't deny it. I can't
deny it any longer either. It will tear you apart inside if you keep
fighting this - lord knows, I've tried. The thing is as long as you are
with me that's all that matters. I know you may not think you can trust me
after how I treated you - and I am sorry for that - I was a jerk. But that
was the old Jordan - this is the new one standing in front of you - with
his heart before you. I've changed. Before I was confused so I pushed you
away - but Noah I'm not confused about my feelings for you anymore. I know
they are real. They're not going away - and more importantly I'm not going
away. I won't run out on you. I promise. I'm real, my feelings are real,
and I'm here, all I need to know is if you are with me."
The phone stops ringing and silence falls in the room. I'm still looking
deep into his eyes. I don't let my hand move from his cheek. I want him to
look at me - I want him to look into my soul and understand what I am
saying is coming from my heart.
After a few seconds he finally speaks. "It's not going to be easy .... "
"I know but as long as you're with me - it doesn't matter."
"You're sure about this?"
"More sure than I have ever been in my life. This is what I want. And I
know it's what you want too."
"I can't believe this is real."
"Well, let me help you."
I lean in, tilt my head, and kiss him again. I wrap my arms around him as I
drive into him and his body hits the door behind us. I suck on his lip -
savouring him - savouring every moment. I bring out my tongue - and I feel
the insides of him. The passion burns within me. The heat between us rises.
Our bodies are tangled together, a mess of limbs, intertwined together. I
find his hands and we lock them together over his head. I press into his
body. I feel him start to relax as his body melts into mine. For once I can
feel the real Noah - raw, free, bare, vulnerable, broken down, without any
barricades blocking his real emotions. I can feel the shy, insecure,
afraid, nerd I am falling for, fall for me. That's all I need.
-----
Now that's the end of Ch. 12.
I hope you liked it. It took 12 chapters to get here but I think they got
here at the right moment. I hope you agree. I should have just ended the
chapter when Jordan goes to Jenn's place - but I have a feeling I would
have pissed off a lot of people. It would have been diabolically mean, but
so worth it. Don't you think?
Like always, send me your thoughts if you want to. Positive or negative.
I'm a grown up - I can take it. mr_e08@hotmail.com.
And finally, on a not so positive note, life is crazy busy right now. I
will try my best to have another chapter out soon but I can't guarantee
anything.
Till next time friends.
Stay safe,
Ethan.