It was wisely pointed out to me that a family member might think, after reading the "February, 2005, Recovery Tip of the month"---that it might mean, to her, that SHE should point out to the alcoholic, how very good it is for his recovery, to make amends to her and the kids.

Well, folks, for the most part-----forget it.

Why? Because if you have an alcoholic who is that self-centered that he doesn't want to make amends...... then he'll probably just dig his heels in more....... thinking superficially that you are just trying to get him to be nice, once again (duhhhh-----what's wrong with that anyway??!!).

So, who did I write that tip of the month for?

a. many recovering alcoholics themselves read this website..... many will want to really recover in a lasting and deep way.......and will take that suggestion from me, who is not the family member.

b. many therapists and treatment-center personnel are looking for discussion questions and topics from the internet...... this would probably be a helpful "tip of the month" to print out and use in groups.

But-----I stress, the family member is so understandably upset when amends are not made....... but "getting in there again with him" about his program of recovery, in many cases, leads to frustration --------and embroils the family more with the sickness of his alcoholism.

Now------- if the couple is going to therapy or a couples' group---- this may very well be a useful topic------when it is led by a therapist, who hopefully will be skilled and knowledgeable about the family dynamics---- or if the couple is seeing a minister who counsels them-----or if the spouse is seeing the minister for counseling and if the minister is, again, knowledgeable and skilled around dealing with alcoholism and the family, the minister might very well ask the alcoholic to see him or her privately and discuss the amends to be made.....I would be sure, though, to maybe only go this route if the minister is not easily conned by the charm of many an alcoholic......... best to all in real recovery, Toby