It Smells Like Feet in Here

He grabbed a Budweiser and said, "This is low carbs. Cool." A woman responded, "It's also lower in taste, unfortunately."

I heard one girl talking about moving here from Florida. She said, "San Diego is too cold. There's no humidity here." I later heard her say, "My friend is dating someone she met on Match.com. The guy is a real tool." Every time I walked by her, I'd catch a portion of some conversation that sounded interesting.

There were three people on the couch all talking on cell phones, I assumed not to each other.

I heard a guy say, "Why do all the women here have freckles? I hate freckles." He had a point. But the girls were all cute. I said, "Would you rather have a party filled with ugly chicks that didn't have freckles?" He looked at me confused and said, "I just hate freckles; that's all." Fair enough.

I talked to Carrie about her college days. She went to Chapman and was in the Sigma Tau Delta Sorority. She told me that she came up with shirts that said "STD... there's no cure for genius." A perfect shirt for the honor society. Another one said, "Excuse me, but your participle is dangling."

There were four full bags of trash in the kitchen and I helped her carry them out. I asked her if she recycled. She said, "No. I should, but I figure the homeless guys go through the trash anyway. They'll get all the cans out of there."

It reminded me of my friend who never puts the grocery carts back at store parking lots. When I bug him about that, he says, "They have employees come out and do that. I would hate to put them out of a job."

The Asian guys came in from the patio and said, "Why didn't you kick that girl's ass in basketball? I wanted to see that. She was out there saying guys can't take pain the way women can and how they would never be able to deal with the pain involved in having children. We needed you to shut her up." I hear women say that they have a higher threshold for pain. They often bring up the childbirth thing. But aren't their bodies designed for that? I broke my arms four times growing up. The times I've seen girls break bones, they are on the ground crying.

A few of the women here work as party planners. They told me, "You can't say this was a lame party. That would hurt our reputation."

One of the girls then said, "Let's do some shots of Jäger. It isn't a party until you down some Jäger." I didn't try any because I heard it tastes like black licorce, which I hate. Two guys debated what it actually tastes like.

I heard Carrie's sister say, "Where is the bedroom? We're going to go get it on."

Her boyfriend is from another city, and his body is covered in tattoos. I asked someone why he had numbers tattooed on his neck. Somebody guessed they were gang-related. They did retreat to the bedroom, and I never saw them again.

One of Carrie's co-workers showed up late, but he brought a Padres item for her as a housewarming present. Carrie started telling me about how much she loves baseball. I said, "Once people start talking about baseball, it's time for me to leave."

Plus it was after 2 a.m.

After all the 7&7s Jacyn made me and baseball talk, I was afraid I'd fall asleep right there.