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Saturday, July 22, 2006

Betrayed

I think that is the word that best describes how I feel right now. I put so much trust into the company and really believed in what we were doing and now... its just gone.

And letting go right now is hard. All the things that once defined my life are now just all gone. Everything from what time I need to get up, driving in the stupid traffic of 95, listening to the early morning chatter of deciding what is for lunch. FUCK, its all gone and I don't want it to be. I don't want this to be happening.

One of my former coworkers said its like they ripped apart his family. And that really is the best way to describe it. We were a small close knit group. There were barely 20 of us and now there are 5 left. The one that I've spoken to extensively about this has said that they don't want to go back.

I remember sitting in the office while they were telling me, and I just kept waiting for him to crack a smile and let me know that he was joking. It never came. He kept searching my face for me to show emotion, but how can you show emotion when you keep waiting to hear the punch line.

I know that I'll bounce back from this, but this is a devestating blow. I really don't have anything to compare it too. Its worse than losing a boyfriend almost up there with a death of a family member. In a way it kind of is.

I'm allowing myself the rest of the weekend to wallow in sadness and self pity. But Monday morning, I'll be up and signing up for unemployment and contacting the "Outplacement service" that they are willing to pay for the first 30 days. And if need be, I'll be dropping in at my old stomping grounds to see if they could use another waitress.