How do I know I’m not dead already? Suffering a slow death from suffocation. A fissure in my heart so deep. Every ounce of passion I once possessed sucked from my soul until all that will remain is a hollow shell. Destruction from indifference. When did you stop caring who I am or about the things I need? Becoming a faint imprint of who I used to be. Cast into the shadows waiting for your cue. How long have I been dying? Going so long unseen. Questioning every decision I have ever made. Casting off old beliefs. Gone is the time I thought love could actually surpass time and space. No longer is desire reflect in your eyes, unsure that it ever was. Only a dull light behind mine, desperate to shine bright again. When was the last time you reached for me with uncontained carnivorous hunger? Years of being close to death, inhaling my last breath and never knowing all along death could be a welcoming relief to an inexplicable pain.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Unrealistic fantasies coagulated in my mindVenturing far from my comfort, no longer fetteredPlagued with atrophy I need you to breath life into meDiscarding all the things tangible in my lifeUsurped to love, it does not vaccinate you to lust and desireAbandoning reason, I am malleable in your handsConsumed in the moment, inhibitions lostUncontained is my need when your scent lingers on my lips

A symphony of a thousand embracesWhispering sweet nothings, liquid magic took holdExploring wet kisses, forever one to moldIt's a race to dance in beauty, tasting your skinWanting to feel you withinSweet visions flood my mind in frustrationI cry out in desperation!Our bodies play delicate rhythms, bathing in the moonlightDesires began to soar, intimate in the nightDelicate secrets remembered, to be left shakingBrilliant trust dawns in morning light

Franticly dreaming of bittersweet love makingHeat can be felt as I wake with a deep achingMy temperature rising, my face feels flushI am feverish with desire, but I don’t want to rush

Urging you with caresses up and down the length of your backFind my source of pleasure, give me all the things I have lackedMy blood boils through my veins, I part my legs for you to ease in-between Take me with a swift thrust, for far to long I have gone unseen

Suffering from withdrawsEvery embrace is a surreal escapeWhispers exchanged, electricity felt in every touchDesperate to approach passion with harmonyExquisite balance and rhythm found in you armsA sculpted masterpiece capturing raw ecstasySatisfaction mounted in my soul

On scented twilight, the air thick and heavy with heatHer legs dangling like a puppet off the side of the bedPerched on bent elbows, her lips are plump and primed Smelling faintly of daffodil soap, a fresh flower sanctuaryGazing into her blue eyes, our legs becoming entangledBodies molding, hands and fingers frantically trying to pleaseDrinking in her sweet nectar, a moan escapes from my own mouthBlossoms explode in magnificent cascades of living fragrant color Collapsing back onto the bed as the heat spreads from our bellies to our fingertips

Your words have a way of soothing meFrom your influence I never want to be freePretending I don’t need you is drainingUnable to explain, my resolve is slowly waning

An inexplicable need that may not make senseMy silence has come at a great expenseSlowly trembling, don’t wipe away my tearsI need them to fall so I can face my fears

This week was so very long, I am feeling defeatedMy psyche fragile, emotions raw and depletedNow knowing what you know, ignorance no longer a strengthYour heart guarded you hold me at arms length

Precariously moving forward, I need to know you will be thereStanding at the edge, I can not revisit that pit of despairIn my thoughts and dreams it is you I secretly craveTo you, my heart and mind I long ago willingly gave

I stumbled upon this artist. She actually is a phenomenal song writer and guitar player. I really like her melodies. Her music and talent will blow you away, so I had to share. This is only a small clip of her song "Ours to keep" I encourage you to seek out her music on youtube.com, itunes or even myspace.com/kinagrannis. Simply amazing! I like "The Goldfish Song" which can be seen on youtube.

Kina Grannis

Ours To Keep

How does circumstanceSeem to cost us every chanceAt living out the truth in our hearts

It seems the best laid plansFall just outside our handsAnd leave us broken down and far apart

But if faith plays a roleI know someday I’ll hold you in my arms forevermore

So let’s love like it’s ours to keepLove like we’ve always dreamedAnd maybe this timeThe fates will be kind to usSo let’s love like it’s ours to keep

I wish there was a wayThat we could somehow stayIn this perfect moment in time

Thank you for always helping me when I am stuck. This piece means a lot to me!_____________________________________________

I’m caught between all you wish for and all I need.How do we remain friends, how do we proceed?The events as of late have opened a new door.Now realizing things I didn't see before.

I would apologize if I knew what to say.Your integrity and trust I never meant to betray.You have known my heart for so long.Rethinking it all, was I really so wrong?

I was compelled by curiosity and deep thought.Your voice and language I secretly sought.You’ve become my refuge when I needed support.However in helping you I constantly fall short.

Finding solace together, we have never refrained,Always there for one another, when the other is in pain.Our souls mirror each other in perfect reflection,So often you have guided me, offering your protection.

Never has there been a moment you didn't matter.Without your friendship my foundation would shatter.Can our bond continue as it has always been?Knowing how each other think deep within.

I dread the thought of the damage caused.Waiting for your response, my life is paused.Seconds to minutes and minutes to hours.Over my emotions you hold such power.

Your approval I desperately seek.To think I don’t have it makes me feel weak.Longing to hear your voice telling me all is well,Until that time in anticipation I do dwell.

I have been making my way through some of the most prolific writers of the 19th and 20th century. Browning, EE Cummings, DH Lawrence, among numerous others. I thought I would share a few that I liked a lot.

This two are by Philip Bourke Marston

TOO NEAR

So close we are, and yet so far apart,—So close, I feel thy breath upon my cheek;So far, that all this love of mine is weakTo touch in any way thy distant heart:So close, that, when I hear thy voice, I startTo see my whole life standing bare and bleak;So far, that, though for years and years I seek,I shall not find thee other than thou art!

So, while I live, I walk upon the vergeOf an impassable and changeless seaWhich more than death divides me, love, from thee;The mournful beating of its heavy surgeIs all the music now that I shall hear:O love, thou art too far, and yet too near!

Marston, P. B.

SPEECHLESS:

Their lips upon each other's lips are laid;Strong moans of joy, wild laughter, and short criesSeem uttered in the passion of their eyes.He sees her body fair, and fallen head,And she the face whereon her soul is fed;And by the way her white breasts sink and rise,He knows she must be shaken by sweet sighs;Though all delight of sound for them be dead.

They dance a strange, weird measure, who know notThe tune to which their dancing feet are led;Their breath in kissing is made doubly hotWith flame of pent-up speech; strange light is shedAbout their spirits, as they mix and meetIn passion-lighted silence, 'tranced and sweet.

Not in light or darkness from you can I hideIn the recesses of my mind you always resideYour voice softly resonating in my headFrom reality I have long ago fled

Memories a mere collection of minutes standing still, silently frozenWanton sighs are but toxic reminders of paths not chosenAll this time I never realized I was rooted solidly in placeAmbitions and independence left unchased

By the gods of art and poetry you were my museTo you nothing could I ever refuseDefenseless under the moon and star lightEverything put on hold to forever remember this one night

Slowly disappearing under the weight of responsibilitiesI stopped seeing the world holding infinite possibilitiesFeeling vulnerable and my defenses down The smile vanished from my face, there was only a frown

Over me my good friends became protectiveMaking me step back and gain new perspectiveReminding me of all that I have and my own uniquenessYou can be strong and still have moments of weakness

Everything is alright everything is fineThe sadness I felt was a transitory declineFrom the world I am no longer withdrawnRapidly fading my darkness is all gone

Your adoration I should be forsakingFrom seclusion I am passively wakingMy resolve to stay away is breakingThe thought of you leaves me shaking I covet your masterful love makingLike warm summer fruit, I am ripe for the takingI want you to build up in me that deep achingThe kind that stimulates an inner quaking

From a dear friend to me in a time of crisis. She is my rock and I adore her!

my wings are heavy the air is dampduring the downpourit is hard for me to flyheld down from the weightdrained from the fightI am motionlesssensing my weaknessfull of self doubtaware of the storm around meunable to see through the dark cloudsso I waitrestless and drippingfor the sun to come out for it to shine againdrying the wetness away so I may fly once morewishing for my cocoonwhere I was able to hide awayshelter the stormwavering in the windI am crying within longing to be full of lifeinstead of roaming aimlesslythis day has been so longa shiver in my heartI feel cold on the insideseeing no reason to smile feeling like a useless creaturewhat good is a butterflywho’s burden is heavy and wetholding her down unable to show her graceisolated from her nestsoon I will see hopethe threat to my delicate soulwill evaporatewhen the sun peeks through the cloudsa rainbow to form in the distancemy outlook will changemy wings will begin to dryI will be able to soar in the clean airfresh from the rainI realizeit is just a single momentof dark, of helplessnessas I fadebut my wings will dryand I will fly again.

Destroyed by a ticking clockMemories are like intricate tapestriesDesperate for unconsciousnessTo escape back into my dreamsYour caress, a refuge where I feel safeDoubt and uncertainty can not penetrateYour voice softly resonating in my headGently influencing meMorning falters as the alarm rings

The pain in my soul is unbearableI beg for it to ceaseLost, living in my headExhaustion weighing heavy on my eyesHaunting my dreamsI seek reliefPlagued by nothingWithdrawing from everythingLetting lies linger on your lipsNow trapped in doubt the pain stingsLike paper cuts on a beating heart

Ethos, meaning "showing moral character". To the Greeks ancient and modern, the meaning is simply "the state of being", the inner source, the soul, the mind, and the original essence, that shapes and forms a person.

In defining my inner state, the "who" of who I am, I have decided I can not help but be a passionate person. I do not know how to be anything other then what I am. I am very expressive and animated. I am slow to anger and quick to forgive. I am fiery and feisty, sassy and opinionated, but I believe it gives me depth as a human being not to be seen as a flaw.

I can find beauty in almost anything. I am very much drawn to the beauty of the human body and the ability one has to express their identity through it. What other people may perceive as flaws is what I find most beautiful in a person. To truly see someone, to really see "who" they are is a rare gift to be valued and cherished.

I love being a little naughty, it makes me who I am and it makes me feel alive, so I can't imagine life with out passion. I have an insatiable appetite, a thirst for affection and closeness. A need for human contact. To touch someone, to hold a hand, to gently caress them even in passing from one room to another.

I believe in living in the moment, and I can appreciate unpredictability. I want to grab every moment, enjoy every precious second, because you never know when it will be your last. Even though I want ever second to "count" I still like some things to have order. I am an optimist at heart but a realist in my head. I want to see the good in others and hope that things will fall into place as they should, but I can't help but to have a back up plan.

I like to make strong commitments and stick to them, but somehow, in some way I find myself questioning everything. Who am I? What do I want? How do I make my mark? Do the things I say and or do really make a difference?

Brown sugar lather slithers over me in comfort, as the bubbles slowly creep their way to the top. Rubbing my hands up and down the length of my legs my muscles give way to the long day and relax in the hot water. Soft, smooth sounds of Jazz reach my inner ear, and I realize every chord struck, every note played is done in a delicate balance and rhythm. My eyes flutter closed, as the distinct sound of a saxophone is heard. I find that aching, pulsing place, and my fingers begin caressing life back into my soul.

A friend and I picked out 20 words to see how we would use them differently

___________Caliiope Jones____________

Together in a private momentShe had exquisite turquoise eyesA tremendous smile A lonely whisper escaping her lipsWith a raw fresh aromaMurmuring her name Swollen goddess in need of joy To ignite in a fiery blazeOne orgasm to satisfy And a candy kissTo concrete her place in this world

___________Caliiope Jones____________

naked woman beneath a stormy skypenetrating a magnificent bouquetparadise touched and cherishedpleasure embracedexploring, pounding tastingdelicious, velvet, softfinding the magical buttona flicker of happiness crossing our facesdropping together to the ground in exhaustion embracing what can never be

_______________cjn________________

A Concrete Memory

I remember how her lips burned like a fiery blaze,Joy murmurs in my heart when I remember the days.At the moment we gave into deep private desires,Coming together, we would explore and inquire.

Under the fresh turquoise sheets we sealed our fate. Her candy I longed for her sugar I ate.Never forgetting the whispers we shared in our kiss.Her swollen breasts and raw emotion I deeply miss.

An exquisite aroma when I found her special place,Satisfying a goddess, memorizing her beautiful face.In the dark, we shared a tremendous time,The ultimate orgasm flashes again in my mind.

_______________cjn________________

Beneath his strong bones, I am a womanI urge him to pleasure me just once moreHe chooses to explore my delicious oceanSeeing his eyes flicker in the candlelight As a magnificent storm builds inside of me I cherish the velvet, naked momentI have found paradise in his touchWe embrace the bouquet of exquisite passionHe has penetrated my heartPounded his self into my soulTouched the magic buttonAt his climax exhausted, together we drop

His pain was like a lighthouseA bright beacon on a stormy nightRadiant light reaching out piercing the darkBeckoning you forwardHis heart hammered like the thunder across the skyHis soul calling out to hers

Wind and rain beat fists down upon usLightening illuminated the skyShe was like the jagged rocksThat the waves broke uponCrashing down hardUntil they wore smoothHope disappearing like the cloudsNothing would be the same

Empty hands and emptier promisesReal eyes realize real liesIt will be our demiseSlowly coming ungluedYou destroyed all that I valuedMuscles in my face are spentTrying to smile and circumventThe perfect picture is now endangerOnce friends we have become strangersWe are broken fragments of each otherNo long good for one anotherAll the dreams we once chasedCan no longer be embracedPerhaps this is my fate, to which I resignBut it makes it hard to believe in a divine design.

Serenity in a corrosive stateReduced to emptiness and hateTremendous discontentElaborate tormentSadness allowed to devourLaughter and hope can no longer empowerFrom my throat tore loud screamsDespair no longer allows me to dreamThrusted into a deep abyssI am simply left to reminisce

Close your eyes and immerse yourself in my touchBrushing my lips across yours, I want you so muchDripping with desire, sexual confidence you exudeI have dreamt and yearned for this interludeGliding my hands down the inside of your thighGently parting your legs, my instructions you won’t DEFYFinding your wet, silky, smooth essences

Your body humming with vibration and temptationCommitting to every single tingle and sensationCreating a hunger with deliberate frictionExcitement swelling, unrestrained, a necessary addictionDetermination mixed with pleasure shown on your beautiful faceUrgency felt, as your breathing becomes a quicker pace,

Well manicured nails slightly digging into my shoulderMy movements becoming more intense and bolderYour head thrashing from side to sideFor you, no pleasure is deniedTiny moans escape your lipsAs you convulse against my fingertips

We were drawn together by fateMy words for you I createI get aroused when we debateBeing around you makes me feel greatTo you I can so easily relateMy feelings for you, sometimes you negateBut I believe you are my soul mateSo for you, I will forever wait………

In the bleakest of moments you are incandescentSwallowing hard against this perplexing needYou are cloaked in mystery and intrigueI have longed to absorb and understand all of your complexitiesYou are extraordinary at giving me all that I requireQuenching a quiet need that has remained unspoken

Immersing yourself into my folds you urge me to askAn allusive question I can not allow my lips to formYearning felt deep to my core, heat and fire ignitedUrging you with soft vulnerable movements offering complete surrender To reach that euphoric state where you belong to only meEcstasy so powerful it makes you forget time and space

Cruel reality awaits me when I come down from my highInevitable truths; you are not mine and I am not yoursBeing reckless, haunting me to death with hidden sorrowAn impulse that creates guilt on the life you have builtThere is no purification for the soul, twisted regretMy heart is bleeding, with you I will have no tomorrows

I choose to place a piece of art by Tomasz Rut with this poem. He is an artist that I find inspiring. His work is sensual and soft. I hope you like him as much as I do.

Art II

With a stroke of paint you could create my world and form a song that feels like a question. An abstract symbol for every passion I compose and will almost ask but never imagine. To draw, to capture the color of our senses. The fiery music we would love to hear or approach in soft movements as if it was as real as rhythm. You are the only ink from which I can write this joy. Let my impression come through your canvas like art.

FIRST COMES DENIAL………………..Smiling when I escape back to the weak moment of our perfect chemistry I am about to access my beloved memories They mysteriously empower me and quench a quiet needI yearn for another interlude, will you take the lead? I remember the savage urging within me the first time you led me to no returnYour touch lit a fuse in me making my insides burn Though it may sound absurd, I feel trembling when I think of it You are an ideal, one of a kind, a drug I cannot quit Though some may chastise, I think back with no regret I question if memories are useless nonsense, however you I will never forgetI visualize your handsome face, hoping to justify my broken heartWanting more then anything for you to stay, you still decided to depart Our friendship lead us on a quest of proportions so deep Your image comes to me so easy and potent, a memory I long to keep.

THEN COMES THE BITTERNESS………………..A sucker punch you gave me, now I cringe at the truthWhen we met I was naive and in my youth Thinking my heart was safe in your furl, not realizing your promises were void I have a knot in my stomach because I know our future has been destroyed Maybe to you our love was trivial, an empty ride of promises broken But I gave you my all, my heart was my gift, my love was unspoken I prayed you would stay, that to you I would not become another bore Instead you knocked me down like all your other whoresLeaving me broken and alone to loath you, like the others before me But it's done, it's over, now I have to move on and erase you from my memory You will see in the end, you lost the best thing you ever had And you will come back, but by then it will be so sadCuz this bitch doesn't forget, she doesn't just let it slip on byAnger has come now that I am over your heartless good-bye.

A flicker of escape crosses my mindIn this tiny space, I feel so confinedGlistening steel blade clutched in my handLooking in the mirror I see my eyes expandI am so lost and lonelyI thought you were my one and onlyYour love I believed was sincereBut where we are now is so unclearEmbracing trust makes for agony, I just feel numbI scream when magnificent ecstasy does not comeAs you slowly withdrawWith new eyes I see every flawLove waits to envelope me into safety, but my heart is filled with doubtQuick slash through my flesh,crimson red pours out

I must make a confessionI look forward to our sessionsWhere we form and ask questionsIt has slowly become an obsessionWhen I don’t speak to you there is a depressionUpon you I want to leave my impressionTowards her I have a small amount of aggressionOur game we will play with discretion

When I met Parker I felt this way. Like I had wings on my shoes that would carry me away. I don't think I have ever encountered someone that made me forget what I was about to say and then when I would say something I would get tongue tied and things would come out all wrong.

I wanted to see him more often but really had no logical reason to. Then when I would see him I found myself wanting to tell him things I would not normally say to someone I barely knew. I felt like I was on some high, some trip that I was easily becoming addicted to.

Forever falling further into the depths of your spellIn your safety I will forever dwellPerfumed waves caress the airSoft brown hairI wake from a long sleepSweet dreams of you I want to keepCraving to be near youPatiently awaiting your cueI yearn to feel skin on skinDrinking you in, making my mind spinDeep burning magnificent desireLike rising flames in a roaring fireStimulating me to my core, You are the one I adoreOur limbs intertwining becoming one Making me cum undone Worshiped and adored a sacred giftSlowly under your weight I shiftExploring with my hands and lips There is passion all the way to my fingertips

Trapped in a timeless existence We are separated by such distance I crave a time of honest joyMy love for you, you slowly destroyWhen you dress, it is no longer for meMy desires come out in a breathless plea

I beg you to seek assistanceBut I am faced with such resistanceYou tantalize me with hope of changeBut our kisses are broken-promises exchanged Wanting so much more, I find myself blueI no longer know how to see this through

We merely partake in co-existenceThis marriage is bound to burst under this persistenceMy life with you I want to shareI fall to my knees in prayerShouldering the responsibility for your happiness, I can’t let go For I fear a broken heart is all I am to know

“You don't have to be a "person of influence" to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.”

Scott Adams

As of late I have been influenced deeply by several people in my life that are all going through a tough time. Each one is strong and facing a completely different situation. Nonetheless their pain and growth has opened my eyes to a world I sometimes forget.

It is so easy to focus on short term goals and issues that directly effect us, we are often blind to the things happening all around us. The war, famine, economic crisis and on a smaller scale a friends marriage, childhood pain, and violation to a sister’s soul.

Their strength has influenced me in a way that I am having a tough time finding words for, yet these things have slowly robbed them of joy and happiness.

Take a moment and think hard about a person in your life that has given you strength perhaps at their weakest moment. Also let us think on how we may pass that strength on to someone else.

This is not my piece of work, and it is only a small clip but I met two people on the same day years ago that have impacted me deeply and they had a conversation with me about hands. This may only make sense over all to them but I think there is truth in her lines. That conversation stuck with me so much that when I stumbled upon this I knew I had to add it. So here it is.

Hands learn more then minds do. Hands learn to hold other hands. How to grip pencils and mold poetry. How to tickle piano keys, dribble basketballs and grip the handles of a bicycle. How to hold old people and touch babies. I love hands like I love people. They are the maps and compasses with which we navigate our way through life. Some people read palms to tell you your future, but I read hands to read your past. Each scar makes a story worth telling. Each callus palm or cracked knuckle a missed punch or years working in a factory.........

I don’t want to feel like thisI don’t want to miss your kissI don’t want you to hold me tightCuz my heart is breaking tonightYou said love me nowI said you don’t know howThe world spins and I stay stillI don’t think I can take a big enough pillIt won’t make the hurt go awayTell me was she a good lay?Was her hair blonde, brown or redI must be sick in the headWhen you said trust me it’s foreverI said; “Always it’s a leap and endeavor.”Hold my hand we will jump togetherI always thought it was forever.

A temptress am IAlluring you with my eyesConvincing you with honeyed wordsDeeper in my spell you do fallBlood boiling, the room becomes smallFascination dawns as a seduction bloomsOur smell hangs in the air, it loomsYour fingers clumsily undo my blouseI long for you to be my spouseFlames lick at my bodyI give you full custodyCreamy breasts fill your handsAs my trust demandsBrushing soft mahogany hair away from my faceYou quicken your paceUrgency can be felt in your touchDelicious rapture over takes me

The twisted trees, scented twilightOn the calm inky waterEmbroidered with black mossHidden by the windowWhere the stars are sleepingCloaked in ignoranceUnfathomable spaceI care for nothingI no longer felt like myselfFaithless bent and brokenTangled body movementsI lay contorted on the floorRagged breath dissolving emotion

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Copyright 2008, Calliope Jones All rights reserved. No part of this blog, book, poetry, or musings may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means; electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other wise, without written permission from the author, under the pen name of Calliope Jones.