Girls. I wonder if I’ll ever understand them fully. Just when you think you know what’s going on — when you think, after days and weeks of hard graft, that you’re nearing some kind of blissful breakthrough, it all goes to shit and you’re unceremoniously dumped at square one. Sometimes, if you’ve really fucked up, you’ll get shunted back even further, leaving you yearning for square one rather than square -628. After such an experience, while still dazed and confused, you start pondering that age-old question that no one, not in 6,000 years of recorded history, has ever come close to answering: What did I do?!

Did I say something wrong? Did I do something offensive? Did I do something months ago that, taken out of context and with any qualifying information stripped away, could be possibly maybe misconstrued as incredibly offensive?

Redhead and Yoda, End of the Road festival

While you should always try to solve the problem after the fact, with lots of communication and love and sex and food and large bunches of flowers, the fact remains that you fucked up. Irrespective of the actual cause of the upset, and how seemingly insignificant and inconsequential you might perceive the misconduct to be, the main thing to come to terms with is that you fucked up. That insight will definitely get me kicked out of the Misogynists Society, but it’s true. You can try to blame the girl for being on the blob or try to belittle her grievance with some other sexist euphemism, but it doesn’t change the fact that you fucked up.

At this point, someone — usually a girl who’s been the target of such belittlement — asks if I’m being sarcastic or deeply ironic. Nope. The hard truth is that, if you pissed a girl off, you fucked up. It was probably because you did something that you didn’t fully think through; it might have seemed completely insignificant to you, but in actual fact turned out to be significant to someone else. It’s pretty normal to blame the girl for being overly sensitive — but really, you’re just not being sensitive enough.

All this isn’t to say that girls are completely infallible, of course. Girls fuck up, too. But that’s the topic of tomorrow’s blog post.

(This blog post started off as something else entirely, unrelated to girls. I’m not sure where this came from. My blogging muscles are rusty. I guess we’ll just see where this goes…)