There are many ways to look at the "Final Fantasy XIII" comment I made yesterday,
but they all fit into three categories:

Hey, that moron meant "VIII", but hit "X" instead of "V"!

Wow, the implausibility of Thor purposely typing "XIII" never occurred to me.

Oh well, I screw up roman numerals sometimes, too.

Personally, I'm hoping for #3. (Even though #2 would mean you didn't notice I screwed
up... well... I'm also hoping my readers are a bit brighter than that.)

Use the force, Luke--as arts.

Thormonkey,

I was just wondering if Lucas Arts has even considered growing a brain and
making a Star Wars RPG?? I mean, wouldn't it just kick all galatic
bootie?? I mean come on! Everyone and their brother would buy this
friggin' game!

Can't agrue with that logic. It'd appeal to RPG geeks and Star Wars
geeks alike! Why, all they'd have to do is get William Shatner and
Jeniffer Love Hewitt to do voice, and they'd have the geek market
cornered. Behold, the power of geeks.

Oh yeah, and is Square sticking with Sony or are they
jumping another bandwagon after the PSX 2 comes out?? Ah well, I'll go
crawl back into my hole again. By the way, how do you spell bootie, with
a ie or a y? I think y is pretty stupid. Then again, so am I for asking
that question. Later..

- J-RAD king of the Moogles

It's kind of hard to predict anything Square's going
to do, these days. Still, it's safe to say Square won't align with
Sega over Sony or Nintendo during the next console war, so the best
bet of seeing Square titles on a system other than the PS/2 would
be if they converted games to other systems. Which is still, I think,
kind of unlikely. (It's "booty", btw.)

I was wondering, is Quest Fantasy Challenge an RPG? I can't find info on
it anywhere. I know the game it is based on(Quest 64) is totally
worthless, but I'm desperate for a new GB RPG.

Info is slim, but yeah, looks to be a version of Quest 64 even more lackluster
than the original. Don't despair, chances are Konami may translate the Game Boy Color
port of Azure Dreams. (The games' great -- my little brother is freaking addicted
to the PlayStation version. The graphics weren't all that good to begin with,
so AD won't lose much in the port to CGB.)

Also, what do you know about the American version of Last Bible II? Atlus
doesn't have much about it on their site.

As far as I know, there're no plans for a US port of Last Bible II. Bum-diddley-ummer, dude.

Gadzooks

Hello Thor, Lord over all of us fleshy mortals,

Hey, I'm fleshy too! I may be rail-thin, but I've still got a little meat left
on these bones.

I have not played many RPG's, but from what I have played, and seen adds
about, there are no women who are the main charactors, or
minorities(beside Barret) in your party.(run on sentence) Minorities and
RPG's don't seem to mix well.

Well, there aren't many women or minorities because developers don't
want to alienate their target audience. Women don't make up a large amount
of console gamers, and minorities are... uh... minorities. This may sound
Evil And Racist, but when you think about it, including more
minorities or women in RPGs won't attract all that many new gamers. Little changes rarely affect jack in this industry, you need
something that's really hyped. (Didn't matter how many quality RPGs
there were on the SNES, it took Final Fantasy VII and commercials on
MTV before anyone took notice.)

Also, for these games to be made in Japan,
how come a lot of the charactors are american(Fei excluded)? I know there
is a very big number of games that don't make it over here, and that is
probably where I could find the non-white charactors, but I think that
more games like that would see american shores. Oh well...

PS: I know and am friends with Mytmouse, who wrote in on Monday's column

Your lowly follower, who basks in your knowledge and glory,

- Dangermouse

Give him my best regards, and tell him to lay off the snuff already.

Anyway. RPGs are heavily influenced by anime. The first popular
'traditional/console' RPG, Dragon Warrior, had character design by
Akira Toriyama, and the trend has pretty much continued. Manga/Anime
stylizes life as opposed to trying to represent it, so characters don't
look very Japanese, and often have pink hair or animal ears or other oddities.
It sounds wierd, until you consider most American cartoon legends
were talking bipedal animals, who did everything from cross dress
to shooting themselves from cannons.

Deep thoughts by -- oh.

Thor,

Okay, here is yet another one of my paltry and meager attempts to send in
an impressive question or two. Someday you will be amazed at a question I
ask. Oh yes. Yes indeed. By the way, Edgar rocks. On to the important
crap...

I was in FuncoLand over the weekend and I saw a game called Alundra for
PSX. Ever heard of it? It says on the box that it was made by the same
people as Landstalker, which I think was a really cool game. I think it
was one of the most challenging action RPG's (at least for Genesis). But
regardless, can you tell me anything about this Alundra? Like, is it worth
buying?

Alundra is a bit like the Zelda series, with some Lufia tossed into the
mix. It's pretty hard, but from what I've heard, it's a pretty good buy if
you like a challenge. (The game also features a bit of a rarity -- a
serious-ish translation, with few trademark WD gags. Depending on your
sense of humor, this is either a good thing or it "sucked".)

Second... do you know of any online stores where you can purchase video
games? I checked Beyond.com and they have a very tiny archive (so small it
didn't even have FF7 for the Playstation!). Sites like Amazon.com are
great places to pick up books you can't find in bookstores, so I was
wondering if there are any sites out there that might have games that you
can't even find at FuncoLand.

In my experience, the best place to find a game online is at
eBay, an online auction site.
You buy the games, new or used, from normal gamers around the globe. You don't
even have to worry about being ripped off, 'cause you can view the seller's
history and see if his past customers thought he was rated "fair", "poor",
or "Adolf Hitler".

Third... A friend of mine has an <illegal> ROM of FF4j (hard type) on his
PC, and he said that Tellah actually calls Edward a Son of a <female dog>
instead of a spoony bard. This might not be accurate either, since the ROM
was translated by Americans.

Well, if he's using the translation I think he's using, then that wasn't a
direct translation, it just captured the spirit of the insult. (As opposed
to Final Fantasy II's real translation, which went with something hilarious,
inaccurate and yet somehow strangely fitting. At least moreso than "fool" or
something.)

Anyway, hopefully I have awed you with my incredibly uninteresting
quesions for the mighty RPGuru (Pronounced R-P-G Uru, haha). Keep up the
funny column!

Ugh. I'm not an RPGuru. And if I was, it'd be pronounced "R-P-G Guru".
Ahh well, at least "R-P-G Uru" is better than "R-P Guru". I mean, say it
with me -- Arpy Gooroo! Yes folks, the dorkiest name on the planet.

P.S. When you say you hold a hammer, are you referring to a large
rodent-man from Xenogears? Just wondering.

- Seth (No, not the one from Illusion of Gaia)

Yes. He has no complaints as long as I grip him gently. Uh. Next letter. Now.

Amano! Shame.

Okay, I think I know where Square got their ideas for chocobos. Go
here.

And you'll see what I mean. This is from an anime movie called Nausicaa.

- Christine

Woah. Weird. And Kaze no tani no Nausicaa was released long before even
Final Fantasy 1. Well, nothing much else to add. So. Um. Catch Raw last night?

Shuihu has been translated as the Water Margin, and is the story of 108
classical Chinese heroes. They were all men of great valor and skill, who
also happened to be quite vicious, skilled in the martial arts, vengeful,
and comadrely. The stories, allowing for cultural mores and such, read
very much like a set of Robin Hood or King Arthur stories. There were in
all 100 stories, or chapters, in Water Margin, and any collection of these
could very well have made it into Suikoden or Suikoden 2.

Now I've got to find some free time and see if Suikoden happens to be
based off the same stories as the Water Margin.

Yes, Suikoden is loosely based off of Water Margin. Pretty cool concept
for a game, eh? Now if only they'd make one based off of Ox No. 9...

Uh.

Dear "Thor,"

What is this, Final Fantasy Tactics all of a sudden?

I was at a local comic shop, scouring for Sandman merchandise (I'm a
Sandman fantatic, as well as RPGeek), a saw a great Sandman poster. But
here's the kicker: guess who the artist was?

Yoshitaka Amano.

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, no?

Oh, and for all of the Mac fans out there(all 10 of us, right?):
Bill Gates isn't a thief. He's a treasure hunter ;)

-Bryan Berg

But "Bryan", that's not all! Not only did Amano illustrate that nifty poster,
Neil Gaiman was so impressed with Amano's interpretation, he decided to
whip up a brand new Sandman graphic novel celebrating Sandman's 10th
anniversary. Sandman: The Dream Hunters. It'll be set in ancient Japan,
and sounds very very good. I mean, come on -- it's Gaiman and Amano.
They could take turns blowing their noses on a Wendy's napkin and
it'd be cool. Gross, but cool.

He was a good cop. But he saw too much. Now a corrupt police force and Colombian drug lords have to silence him before he
tells the truth. They killed his wife. They killed his child. But Quickies got away -- and now he's back with a vengeance.

How come you don't post the "Now playing" title in your column
anymore? Don't you know that are hundreds of obbsessive stalkers out
there that can't live with out knowing what your playing?

Gee whiz, when you put it that way, I'm almost tempted to bring the useless
bit of fluff back. Hmm... Hmmm... Hmmm... No, no I don't think I will after all.

Does anyone know what the lyrics to the song at the end of
Suikoden are? Please?! Oh... and if you could tell me what they mean in
English, too, that'd be great. :)
- Anson

Not a clue. Guys? Little help?

EGADS mentioned you again. they said
you were one of the people trying a new chrono trigger shampoo that gives
you hair like chrono. they had a anime thor picture and put chrono's hair
on you and said you were unable to comment because you were pondering
the meaning of blarg and dreaming of teri hatcher. at least they spelled
blarg right.
-mat

Hrmph. And that's not all -- "The Comic" used "blarg"
today. I didn't mind in the least, though -- that thing's hilarious.
And they spelled it right, too. :D

Are you sure you haven't eaten one too many of those Prozac cookies? ;)
You seem to have forgotten a key ingredient in any pastry in your
"recipe"... flour. Just an observation.
- Pteryx

Tarnation! I've had it up to heeeyah with womenfolk nonsense!

I thought Cecil was your favorite FF character.

Favorite main character, anyway. Cloud, no. Terra, almost, but Celes was
cooler. Butz? With that name? Nosiree, I'll take Cecil any day.

Loverbuns
- Janet Reno

Oh look! I guess it's official, now: my readers hate me.

How come Michael doesnt have a niftly anime pic like you or drew did?
Blarg.
- Darien

Well, I only added the picture 'cause... uh, I don't really remember, but I
didn't even check with the RPGamer gang first; it wasn't like a tradition-type thing. Drew added it because I'm cool,
and everyone wants to be like me. Michael didn't because he's a rebel, and his
cause is boycotting anime drawings. Well, it's kinda rebellious. I guess.