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The purpose of life is to always continue growing. And more often than not we can benefit from a new perspective, a different way of understanding things, a piece of wisdom that somehow unravels a deep understanding within. That's what this blog is all about.

I want to talk to you today about comparison because I really feel that is important for young people to understand.As we are growing up, it is common for us to look outside of ourselves to see where we fit in, who we want to become and this exploration is a normal part of our development and if we really understand what we are looking for and what that really means to us then it can lead to positive growth in our lives. However, there is a pitfall along the way called Comparison and comparing yourself to another person or an ideal that you have adopted can damage your spirit, your psyche and eventually your body as well as damage your relationships leading to isolation and unfortunately, we inflict this pain on ourselves.​So, what is comparison? Comparison is when you see something that you want; material objects, personal qualities, opportunities, things that other people seem to possess which are things that you value and then you evaluate what you have against what you see the other person having and you see that it’s not equal, not the same and in most cases (or in the case of you getting upset) it’s because you find yourself lacking, at a loss, not enough and in the negative.

And now here we are in the negative, but let’s look at the word negative from a photographic context.

A negative is the opposite of a picture or photograph. It is where the lightest areas of the subject appear darkest and the darkest areas appear lightest. And this is what happens when we compare ourselves to others; we shine the light outside of ourselves and dim the light within ourselves. But the purpose of the negative of a photograph is to show us what is not there. So, if you are up for taking the challenge of comparison and willing to examine the reasons behind your comparisons, then you will see what it is really telling you.

Most likely it is the opposite of what you think and it is simply showing you what is missing and has nothing to do with the “thing”, the attribute, the circumstance or the other person. It is a symbol that represents the person you want to become. And when you see the symbol for what it really is then you can move in that direction to gain the skills, the experience and competence to be able to have what it is you want in your life if you are willing to take action.

Comparison is the negative of gratitude. When your mind is focused on comparison, you are thinking about how beautiful the other person is, how smart they are, how much more resources they have than you, how they are chosen over you, how they get love/respect/recognition/attention and you don’t. And what happens with these thoughts? They turn to jealousy, anger, grief, hatred and whether we act on these thoughts or not, they create a separation between ourselves and the other. That person becomes a symbol of all the things we want but do not have and the more we compare the more isolated we become and the further we get to having the things we want. But in this state of comparison, you are not seeing the whole picture! You are only seeing the negative in black and white; they have and I don’t. And in this process of comparison, you have negated any good, beneficial, successful events and opportunities in your life. You have negated your own talents, gifts, good deeds.

You have put yourself in the hole.

So, what can you do here in the hole? Well, you can stay there, complain, wallow, dig it deeper OR you can change your mind. You can make a decision and ask the question “What is missing?” and listen for the answer. While you are waiting, think about anything you can be grateful for, big or small in your life. You can be grateful for your breath, a good meal, a walk with a friend, simple things and put your gratitude around your shoulders like you are wrapping up in a blanket and sit and wait until you can move forward in gratitude.

Another option is to use the opportunity to actively look for what is missing. Ask “What is it that I REALLY want?” Maybe they have a talent or skill that you don’t feel confident about in yourself. Sit, think, write down all your gifts, talents or ways that will help you achieve that skill and gain that talent. If it is beauty you see in others, find all of the beauty you can find inside of you. If it is resources, look for all the ways you can be resourceful. With sincerity and patience, answers and solutions will come and you will be able to decode the symbols that lead you to those Ah-Ha moments of self understanding.

Comparison on its own is only one side of the story and tends to be the negative story, but remember the negative is there for you to develop the positive and once you develop the positive you can then see the whole picture. And once you look at the whole picture then you see how the negative was necessary in order to develop and in that moment, it becomes a gift.

Now here’s the bottom line when it comes to comparison, as you compare yourself to all these different people or ideals who you deem successful, talented and amazing, can you accept that you are all of these things too?

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​AnaPaula Penalva

​I am a lover of adventure, travel, people and nature . Studied psychology and then got a Master in acupuncture and Oriental medicine. My greatest calling has always been helping and healing. I've worked with people in prison, newborns, teenagers, the elderly, you name it. ​I've also lived in 3 countries, married an amazing man and have 2 kids that keep me on my toes. I believe in always finding the best in people and helping them find that in themselves.