17 Nisan 2011 Pazar

Coquette: dating house-arrest-guy may not be the best idea

I’m seeing a guy who is currently on house arrest. I used to despise him, but now that he’s sober and I really know him, I’m surprised by how much I actually like him. He’s the first guy that I’ve ever been with who seems concerned about me and he treats me better than others have in the past. We can’t go out on dates until September 2011, and I’m afraid to tell my father about him, because he already thinks I’m a complete disappointment as his child. I’m also concerned that we’re both only happy with each other because of this little bubble we’ve been staying in. Should I stay because I think this could be the guy or should I go because we can’t venture into the outside world?

Girl, I need to introduce you to Christo and Jeanne-Claude, because you’ve got enough red flags to wrap a mountain.

Where do we start? Your daddy issues? Your poor life choices? Even you admit that what you’ve created is a bubble. Well, what do bubbles do? They burst.

This guy who you formerly despised treats you better than average for two reasons. First, guys in the past have treated you like gum on their shoes, so you’re starting out with low standards. Second, he’s on his best behavior.

Why is he on his best behavior? The answer is as obvious as it is skanky. The dude’s on house arrest. He can’t walk off the property, so he has no choice but to get his intimacy delivered fresh, hot and in 30 minutes or less. Right now, he can’t afford to lose the number to Domino’s. Even if his heart is pure, his behavior is still a direct product of the bubble. The second that ankle monitor comes off and the bubble pops, he will be heading out for some prime rib.

But he’s not the problem. The problem is that you believe you deserve this. Your relationship with your father makes you feel worthless. Your romantic life has been a vicious cycle of low self-esteem running head first into (and accepting) a low-quality guy, which further reinforces the low self-esteem, which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. This scenario has become a reality that you don’t even know has an alternative.

I know you’ve got it in you to change your game. I read thousands of letters every month, and it doesn’t take more than 100 words to tell that you’re one of the smart ones.

All you have to do is wake the hell up. Just blink twice, look around, and see the chaos for what it is. I know it seems silly, but moments of clarity really are that easy. Don’t spend another minute with a guy who doesn’t treat you right. And don’t do any of it for your father. Let it be about you, and I promise, whatever else happens, you won’t be a disappointment as his child, regardless of what he thinks.