April 04, 2014

I'm guessing that means Putin will hit the dating scene. Because it can be kind of awkward to go
to a bar with a dozen bodyguards, six personal aides and a guy carrying the nuclear launch codes, I
imagine Putin will want to start with a singles ad.

I like long walks on newly annexed beaches, martial arts competition in which my opponents will
lose if they know what's good for them and just doing as many things bare-chested as I possibly
can. My favorite way to relax is to watch a beautiful sunset after a long day of snorting
derisively at the meaningless bluster of certain United Nations Security Council members.

If you like tranquilizing tigers, swimming in frigid Siberian rivers or co-piloting military
aircraft that I can summon with a single nod of my head, I might be the mate you seek. I'll decide
that upon our first meeting. Be prepared to be summoned at any time.

If you're a political dissenter just hoping to gather damaging information on me, don't bother
to contact me. I already know where you live.