My story is hard to share since I’m not sure exactly what happened throughout the entire ordeal. I guess I always knew something was wrong with the man that I met when he asked me to lie about our circumstances, after he sexually assaulted me. I was severely traumatized by that time in my life and the events that surrounded them, so I had no idea how to recover from them, and I ended up in a toxic field that I believe puts me speaking here now.

I felt that since we had already been intimate that there was no backing out of it. I had been married before meeting him, and only intimate with my husband before him. So, it had been just my ex-husband for about ten years, then in one night it was all gone. I felt like a slut and awful.

I dated this man and quickly learned that there was something very wrong with him. He was very abusive and hiding things, one of which was a deep interest in porn. I discovered this on his computer.

Soon enough he began to share intimate knowledge of my body with a close friend, which horrified me on top of the rape. I wondered how his friend knew, and they would pick on me and insult me. The objectification was obvious by him and his friend, as well as a serious attempt to hide things. He also had no problem being an exhibitionist himself, and would do odd things to me when we were just going about ordinary, everyday activities. I learned to just freeze and let these moments pass.

Things came back to me, such as sex to him always being an act that was very much not about connecting, but about control and performance. I learned to survive the experiences, not enjoy them. I did my best to block them out and get through them, and pretend them away — as an actress would. He would do degrading things at times that I won’t fully share, and I was terrified to confront him.

I always had a feeling that the acts were being forced or compelled on me at times, and when I would not agree to things that he wanted, he would look to others for release. I am grateful I did not agree to do many things because of my values. He had pressure me to have sex in public, despite me repeatedly saying “no” — among other terrible requests to which I had to repeatedly tell him “no.”

I was thrown into this relationship as a victim of rape — scarred and scared. He did the crime, provoking and incapacitating me, never letting me know his guilt because he knew I would go to the police. Then his entire objective, I believe, seemed to be the hinting at several ways to get me into compromising sexual moments in order to expose me and himself — whether for money, boredom, or just because he was severely twisted. I never saw any tapes, but I believe that he made them.

I think back at how horrified I am day to day. Comments he made to friends about my body, comments he made about noises I made during sex — as if they were to be heard by other people — made me literally want to vanish off of this earth.

I am one of the most bashful people on the planet when it comes to intercourse. I had been with one person, ONE male before him in nearly a decade, and he took me and tried to turn me into what felt like or what I would call a prostitute. I would not know how I feel much different from one now.

I am devastated by this realization. It was not my choice or with my knowledge, even though I always knew something was very wrong. I also knew that if I ever questioned him on certain things he would become violent, so I think I knew it was not safe to talk about.

I am still afraid. I don’t know how to piece it all together for sure. That is partly why I’m here. He was clearly diseased severely, and thought he could take, intimidate, and dismantle another woman for his gain, and with no repercussions. He didn’t care about my values or morals and what it would do to my life one bit.

I will tell you nothing has kept me up more nights as much as this catastrophe. Nothing has made me want to take my own life as much as this heart wrenching tragedy has. This is to say because it was not my choice, and he was fully cognizant of what he was doing the entire time, along with his cohorts. I would never ever have agreed to the things he began, requested, and did deceitfully.

And since I ended the relationship I had with him, which was coated with lies and abuse, I have been with no one, and have spent my time trying to make my life better. I have felt like the slut or criminal, when again I did nothing. This again makes me cringe. The things he exposed or shared were sacred things to me, and I’m still not sure how to recover, but somehow, somewhere, I will find the strength.

The thought of other men, women, or people looking at my naked flesh, and seeing me have sex without my knowledge, makes my blood boil. Especially since they saw me with a man who raped me, and while doing acts that degraded me without my consent. If he had asked, he knew the answer would have been, “No way!” I’d have blown up in a full rage if he had requested. I’d have stood there and taken whatever abuse came my way.

So in my experience… my story… my power was taken away from me and shared with who knows how many people. When I walk into the world every day, I wonder if people might know me or recognize me from sick images released by a sick man. I hope not. It saddens me beyond repair. It breaks my heart because the choice was not my own, as I have reiterated so many times throughout this passage.

I wonder how many people know that? And if so, if they would continue to feed a sick monster like the porn industry because of my story. Will anyone now watch porn and wonder, “Did that woman get tricked into this?Or is she being drugged and raped? And if so, then I will refuse to watch this. I want no part of this.”

Do you know how many women out there are dying inside because of this violation? It has changed my worldview on this industry forever.

There is a NEW UK DOCUMENTARY that has been made on the harms of pornography! It will air Monday October 21 on Channel 4 and will then be posted on their site for 30 days! (Free On Demand.)

“Date My Porn Star” may not sound like an anti-porn doc, but it really is! And one of the things that makes it anti-porn is that our very own volunteer, ex porn performer Vanessa Belmond, is appearing in the documentary! She shares the HARSH TRUTH about porn with three male porn fans, and really wakes them up! 🙂

[Channel 4] – Watching porn has never been easier. With hardcore sexual imagery just a click away, more and more people, of all ages, are accessing porn. For many it not only forms part of their sex life, but can become a daily or even hourly fixture.

In this documentary, part of the Campaign for Real Sex, three British porn obsessives explore the boundaries between sexual fantasy and reality as they travel to the heart of the porn industry in Los Angeles to meet their favourite adult movie stars.

Forty-year-old Jonathan, 20-year-old Kevin and 23-year-old Danny are anticipating the trip of a lifetime. As well as meeting their porn idols, however, the men get more than they bargained for as they are faced with a darker and less glamorous side of porn.

Seeing their porn idols in action on set is enticing. But when they discuss their life and the value of real and lasting relationships it comes as a surprise for the men.

When they visit a low-end porn studio and witness a casting conveyer belt of wannabe porn stars, followed by a porn orgy that’s deeply degrading for female actors, the men begin to question their views.

The final meeting with an ex-porn star, who shares her candid, harrowing story, could be the final tipping point. Exposed to the challenging realities of the industry, can the men continue to reconcile their sexual fantasies with their experiences in porn-land?

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NOTE: We will be sharing a lot more about Vanessa soon, including about 15 articles that she has written, and about 15 videos that we’ve done together! 🙂 But in the meantime we just wanted to let you know that Vanessa is going to be in this documentary, and that she did a great job! We hope all of you who are in the UK will watch this program and let us know what you think! Thanks! 🙂

Here is a VERY disturbing story about a young man who spent four hours surfing for hardcore “granny” porn, then murdered his grandmother right afterwards! But porn doesn’t REALLY affect the viewers and their attitudes and behavior, right?? It’s just “harmless ‘adult’ entertainment,” right? We’ll let you be the judge…

TRIGGER WARNING! Contains horrific graphic details!

[Mirror UK] — A ‘troubled’ young man knifed his step-grandmother to death in a sexually-motivated killing after an internet surfing session for ‘granny porn’.

Jack Huxley, 20, armed himself with kitchen knives and a carving fork to stab vulnerable pensioner Janis Dundas as she slept, leaving three blades protruding from her battered body before he fled.

The 62-year-old had given her wayward stepson a bed for the night after he turned up on her doorstep, apparently homeless.

But after a late-night session on her computer searching the web for ‘sexual activity between young men and mature women’, Huxley subjected his elderly relative to a brutal attack, leaving behind up to 28 knife wounds.

Ms Dundas bloodied body was found naked on her bed with evidence that her stepson had engaged in ‘sexual activity’ with her, but not intercourse.

Liverpool Crown Court today heard loner Huxley had never had a girlfriend, had a history of self-harm and been bullied regularly during his childhood.

His barrister Charles Miskin QC said: “He was like a wild animal who doesn’t care about anything.”

Checks of Ms Dundas’ computer revealed Huxley, who sat in the dock holding his head in his hands, had scoured the internet for hardcore pornography over a four-hour period leading up to the ferocious attack at her home in Ellesmere Port, Cheshire.

Among the catalogue of injuries were a nine-inch wound to her neck, severing the larynx, and ‘horrific’ defensive wounds to her hands which left one of her fingers ‘hanging off’, prosecutor Stuart Lawson-Rogers said.

Ms Dundas heavily bloodstained tights had been removed completely while beneath her body was a pair of Huxley’s Calvin Klein boxer shorts.

Today, Huxley pleaded guilty to murder on the first day of his scheduled trial, but Judge Clement Goldstone suspended sentence until tomorrow.

A neighbour told police how she watched a young man drive away from the scene, on April 5, in Mrs Dundas Peugoet car, momentarily crashing into a wall.

READ THE REST OF THIS STORY AT THE LINK BELOW: (And please don’t forget to like, comment and share to spread the word and support the cause. Thanks!)

PLEASE READ AND SHARE this heartbreaking article on sex trafficking of girls in India.

[Toronto Star] — Like many Indian girls, Suchitra was taught her future profession by her mother. In her village, there was only one path. Even before she’d reached puberty, Suchitra had learned different sexual positions and other ways to please a customer.

At age 14, a man she had never seen before showed up one day at the family’s house near Bharatpur in northern India. At her mother’s urging, Suchitra got into his car. Six hours later they reached their destination. It was a brothel in New Delhi’s red-light district. She had been sent into sexual servitude.

“I always knew that this would be my life,” says Suchitra, sitting in her wardrobe-sized room and wearing a low-cut green top and jeans, her hair pulled back in a tight bun. “I can never forget what I’ve done but it is the only way for my family to earn a living.”

Suchitra, now 20, is from one of hundreds of villages in India where centuries-old tradition dictates that most girls enter into a life of prostitution. Rising wealth hasn’t reduced the trafficking of girls for sex in the world’s second-most populous nation: the number of child prostitutes is growing and the average recruitment age has dropped to between 9 and 12 years old, according to the Delhi-based National Human Rights Commission.

“We are witnessing an unprecedented growth in prostitution,” says K.K. Mukherjee, a sociologist who has studied sex workers for more than three decades and has written government reports on the subject. “It is being driven by rising levels of income but also by a change in sexual attitudes and the increasing migration of women to cities.”

Districts such as Bharatpur, where half of the women are illiterate, are breeding grounds for the country’s $4-billion sex trafficking industry. India has 3 million sex workers, of whom 1.2 million are below the age of 18, according to a government estimate. The South Asian nation traffics more women for sex than any other country.

The growth of underage prostitution in a country where the gross domestic product has risen on average about 8 per cent annually in the past decade is testimony to the treatment of women and the power of caste in the world’s biggest democracy. India, which carries out almost 40 per cent of the world’s female sterilizations, where a woman is raped on average every 21 minutes and where a third of all women are illiterate, is failing to change views that undercut the status of women.

Whole families from some castes at the bottom rungs of India’s social hierarchy rely on income from their daughters’ sex work, with fathers and brothers often acting as pimps. The girls often have their virginity auctioned to the highest bidder once they reach puberty.

Suchitra, who is of the Bedia caste, shows how the caste-based system determines access to occupations and social status. Rooted in religion, the millennia-old structure marginalizes certain groups, imprisoning women in a cycle of isolation and abuse. Many female members of the Bedia community, which numbers about 20,000, say they are treated like outcasts. They can’t marry if they have worked as a prostitute, are refused service in shops, are called “whores” and are greeted with disinterest by police when one of them is raped.

“Caste remains a defining feature for most Indians,” says Satish Misra, a political analyst at the Observer Research Foundation, a policy group based in New Delhi. “These attitudes bring an enormous cost in terms of a lack of social mobility and lost economic opportunities.”

CASTE-BASED PREJUDICE

A single bare bulb exudes dim light in Suchitra’s room, just enough to see the black water stains on the peeling, faded pastel-green walls. Used condoms lie on the floor. The stench of urine, sweat and cheap perfume hangs in the air. Rats gnaw at piles of garbage in the corridors outside.

Suchitra, who would only give her first name for fear of arrest by the police, says she has sex with as many as a dozen men a day for as little as 100 rupees ($1.65) a time. A concrete slab that takes up most of her room serves as a bed, where she sleeps and does her work. Customers have threatened her with knives, guns and beer bottles, she says.

READ THE REST OF THIS DEVASTATING STORY AT THE LINK BELOW: (And please don’t forget to like, comment and share to spread the word and support the cause. Thanks!)

Infamous “Porn Professor” Hugo Schwyzer sadly continues to harm others while he spirals further out of control! While Hugo certainly seems to be receiving a great deal of well-deserved karmic payback for his transgressions of infidelity, promoting porn, severe lack of professionalism, and taking advantage of young female students, his ever increasing number of victims shouldn’t also have to be sucked into his vortex of self-destruction! ~ See disturbing details below…

[Daily Caller] — Discredited American pornography scholar Hugo Schwyzer continued his unbelievable descent into public infamy after crashing his car while under the influence of prescription medication, seriously injuring another driver.

The woman he hit was airlifted from the crash site, and Schwyzer was arrested. He was held for six hours and released on a $100,000 bond.

Schwyzer admitted his responsibility in an exclusive interview with The Daily Caller.

“I’m praying for the health and recovery of the woman I injured in the accident,” he said.

Schwyzer had prescriptions for the medications he was taking, but had exceeded the recommended dosage, he said.

Schwyzer’s mother has hired a lawyer to help with his case, but the professor said that the idea of going to jail for a few years had a comforting allure.

“[Jail is] a safe place for me, given how much of a threat I am to myself on the outside,” he said.

Regardless of what happens, Schwyzer is finished at Pasadena City College, where he has been a professor for over 20 years and taught a course called “Navigating Pornography” as recently as this summer. The course earned media scrutiny after Schwyzer invited porn actor James Deen to address his students.

Schwyzer eventually admitted to cheating on his wife and sleeping with his students. He attempted suicide multiple times, and has been in and out of the hospital.

SAMPLE FACTS: “A majority, 59%, spend a remarkable 4-15 hours per week on porn, while another 24% spend 1-3 hours a week. 64% report that their tastes in porn have become more extreme or deviant – and among them, about half are ashamed of this. Most notably, an early start predicts a worse porn habit in the long term. Fapstronauts who started watching porn before age 10 were 3 times more likely than others to masturbate four or more times a day.”

Anti-Porn Film and Slideshow. Plus Stop Porn Culture Info

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** A GROUND-BREAKING documentary about pornography is available! **
Visit the site HERE for
"The Price of Pleasure: Pornography, Sexuality and Relationships."
See clips: I.e. Noam Chomsky on "choice" in porn.
See the whole film HEREright now at Media Education Foundation.
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*** The AMAZING and very eye-openingStop Porn Culturevideo slideshow "Who Wants to Be a Porn Star?" is available on the Internet! It exposes the true harsh reality of the porn industry and analyzes it with many profound and disturbing insights. To watch it right now click HERE.
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** STOP PORN CULTURE Info **
-- NEW SLIDESHOW: "It's Easy Out Here For A Pimp: How a Porn Culture Grooms Kids for Sexual Exploitation." Available for download from Stop Porn Culture website.
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If you'd like to be get future SPC updates emailed to you, please request HERE.
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The "Who Wants to Be a Porn Star?" slideshow is SPC's first line of offense in the battle to reclaim this culture from the misogyny, racism and brute power of
the pornographers. Please join SPC in the struggle for a violence-free world.
StopPornCulture.org
NOTE: Please contact SPC HERE for information about buying a copy of the slide show if you can't
attend a training.
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About This Blog & AntiPornography.org

This blog was created so that people who wish to do something about the harms of pornography will have resources available to help them and will know that they are not alone. This blog is pro-woman, non -partisan, non-religious, (but supportive of constructive, non-discriminatory, and pro-woman efforts of people of faith), and is a project of the 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization AntiPornography.org. We support, encourage, and welcome constructive anti-pornography activism on the part of everyone, even if we are less than 100% in agreement with someone's views or approach.
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Just because a person, group, organization, book, website, video, or resource, etc., is linked to or presented here on this blog, it does not mean that everything expressed or done by that person, group, etc., is personally supported by AntiPornography.org. (No anti-woman views or actions are supported, regardless if the source of them identifies as anti-pornography or not.) A wide variety of resources are provided here for visitors. It is up to each individual person to examine the resources for themselves, and to decide for themselves what information is useful to them or not, and who or what to support or not, based on what is right for each individual and where they are currently at in regards to their views and activism. We support someone taking what is useful for them from here and other resources, and then ignoring or leaving behind the rest. We share what diverse individuals and groups are doing to fight against the harms of pornography so that you can get ideas from others and then proceed to do your own activism as you choose, not necessarily to have you support or do exactly what others are doing. Finally, if you have any concerns regarding the resources on this blog, please realize that this blog, its overall content, and the list of what a person can do about pornography are works in progress and subject to revision. (As the content is further examined and considered as time permits.) If you think something should be revised or removed, (because you feel it is anti-woman, or for some other valid reason), please feel free to respectfully comment and share your point of view on the matter.
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