a family in the making

Month: April 2012

Excuse me, what? Did you say something? Sorry, I missed it because I am so overwhelmingly absentminded. Yes, Pregnancy Brain is in full force. This is quite a challenge because the non-pregnant me is also absentminded. So now it’s like I’m scatterbrained to the umpteenth power.

Oh and I’m dropping everything. Everything. The other night I dropped the ketchup bottle right into a big plate of hamburger fixings. Tim thought it was hilarious, but I was kind of freaked out. According to What to Expect When You’re Expecting, the “dropsies” are a totally normal pregnancy symptom. Of course, the non-pregnant me is also quite clumsy. So, again, I’m screwed.

I’m also verrrrry sleepy. And I don’t much feel like moving. If I could sit on my couch and watch never-ending episodes of the ABC family drama Switched At Birth, I’d be golden. Alas, I have to go to work and stuff. Damn.

The highlight of my week was when our friends Drew and Susie brought over boxes and boxes of baby clothes.

You can’t really get a good sense from this picture, but there is a boatload of stuff—tights, onesies, shoes, dresses, you name it—all the way up to 18 months. Our little lady is set! Drew and Susie have two little girls and now they’re pregnant again, but they’re having a boy this time. So I get all of their girl stuff! (Fun fact: Susie is the person who made me the Hope Street signs back in September.)

I started going through the clothes after they left last night and I had to stop myself because I could have kept at it until dawn. Let me tell you, looking at those things made me so happy. I got particularly sappy over a plain, pale-pink onesie that was embroidered, very subtly, with the words, “I love my daddy.” Just imagining my little fish wearing that and Tim holding her was too much for my hormone-addled brain to handle.

How I look:

Here I am at 25 weeks with Susie, who is due about a month before me. I’m excited for our babies to be best buds.

The studio where I practiced yoga for the very first time, Wake Up Yoga West, closed its doors last night. Fortunately for me, there are two more Wake Ups in this city, one of which is a stone’s throw from my new house. And while I look forward to practicing in those other locations, I will always have a soft spot for the West studio.

The owner of the studio gave one final class, which both Tim and I attended. I knew my pregnant body wouldn’t be able to do a lot of the poses, but nothing would have stopped me from making that class—I was determined to honor this space that shaped my life over the past three years. And determined to honor myself, and all that I’ve become in that time.

The class was emotional. The instructor cried, and if I were more comfortable with my own emotions, I probably would’ve cried, too. You’re likely wondering why the closing of a yoga studio has impacted me so much, so I’ll try to explain. I see two reasons.

One, I’d come to see Wake Up as a safe place, a shelter from the rest of the world. I knew that no matter what was going on in my life, I’d be guaranteed an hour-and-a-half of solace once I stepped inside. The studio helped me through wedding stress, struggles with infertility, the death of Tim’s childhood friend, the reemergence of my mom’s cancer, and the joys and fears of a new pregnancy. In short, we’ve been through a lot together. I would go to class, sweat out all of my bad energy, and leave with a feeling of calm. The studio began to feel like a trusted confidant, one who listened and soothed without asking for anything in return. How often in life do you find that? Almost never, I say.

Two, the instructor talked throughout the class about the cycle of life and how everything has a beginning and an end. This is something that’s been on my mind a lot these days, with the impending birth of my baby girl and my mom’s illness. The instructor stressed several times how it’s important to find joy and peace in the endings, not only because they are part of life’s natural cycle, but because in every ending there is a beginning.

And there it is. The very thing I’ve been struggling with lately: finding peace. I’m having a hard time reveling in all of the joys of now and not worrying about what might be around the corner.

So I’m going to take a moment to do that. Because the truth is, I couldn’t ask for more than what I have right this second—I’m pregnant with a healthy baby girl, my mom is still here with me and I’m married to my favorite person on the planet. Those are just the big three. There are countless other things to be thankful for. And yes, any of that could change tomorrow. But it’s not tomorrow. It’s today. It’s right now.

I’m hoping that you, awesome readers, will also take a tiny moment out of your day today to tally up the things you’re thankful for and to rejoice in what is right now. Because even though everyone says it all the time, and it’s the most obvious thing ever, it’s the thing I forget most often: all we have is the present.

So thank you, Wake Up Yoga West, for everything. I bid you a sweet adieu.

Namaste.

Posing with Victoria, the instructor who taught my beginning yoga classes at Wake Up West.

24 weeks! Only four months left to go—less if you’re going by calendar months and not pregnancy months. Pretty crazy.

I have plenty of things I want to talk about on here, other than weekly pregnancy updates, but these weekly posts seem to be all I have time or mental energy for. So many thoughts are racing through my head right now, though—about family and impending parenthood and a billion other things—so I’ll have to try and sit down sometime and get a few of them on “paper” soon.

Until then…

How I’m feeling: Physically pretty good, but I’m really, really tired. My round ligament pain hasn’t shown its face in a while, so last week I made it to three yoga classes—two regular, low-intensity and one prenatal! It felt incredible. I didn’t realize just how much I missed it until I went back.

The only other new symptom is Extreme Fullness. Like I’m carrying around a cement block and a baby in my stomach.

Mentally, I’m not feeling so hot. I’ve been pretty low these last few days, but there’s a lot going on other than the pregnancy—job drama, family illness, settling into new house etc.—so I don’t think hormones are totally to blame for that. The no-sleep trend continues, which I’m sure does not help matters.

The joy of my week has been feeling Baby move around like crazy. It seems like every day I notice her presence more and more. She feels like a little fish flopping around in there. Sometimes she moves so hard that it’s startling, and it always makes me giggle.

How I look:

Note the caricature of my parents in their twenties behind me. You can't really see it because of the glare, but my dad had a killer 'stache.

Tim’s school was on spring break this week, so I took off as well to join him for a staycation. The week was anything but relaxing. It involved cleaning the old house (which is now ready for renters), unpacking the new house (which is still not done, holy crap) and checking out daycares (I think we found one). But still. It was way better than being at work, and I am grateful to have this time to get the new house set up before Baby arrives. Today, at last, we are going to spend the day relaxing, starting with omelets and continuing with a 24: Season 4 marathon. Boring? Perhaps. But whatever. Boring is my middle name these days.

How I’m feeling: Pretty damn good! I’m still really tired and don’t get much restful sleep, but otherwise I’m mostly symptom free. I bought a body pillow and that really seems to help with the back pain. I also found a prenatal yoga class that doesn’t trigger round ligament pain and helps with the back. Score for me.

Mentally, I’m doing better. Even though this week wasn’t luxuriously relaxing, I think having a few days away from real life helped calm me down. Also, I had an appointment with the new midwifery and that went well. Both Tim and I liked the vibe there a lot. The midwife I saw was nice enough, but I wasn’t overwhelmingly in love with her or anything. I will see a different midwife each time, though, so I’m not stuck with this one. I heard Baby’s heartbeat again, which always helps relax me a little bit. The midwife said her heart “couldn’t sound healthier.” Go, Baby, go!

Movement: This brings me to the most exciting development of the last week—I finally felt her move! For real. I was convinced that what I was feeling was gas or my own mental delusions, but Tim put his hand on my stomach, felt it and was like, “You’re crazy! That’s exactly what I would imagine a baby kick to feel like!” It’s still very subtle and not at all consistent, but it’s awesome to feel. And not to mention wildly reassuring.

How I look: I’m starting to look like a legit pregnant lady. I had my first experience the other day where someone who didn’t know me asked if I was expecting. Exciting! I’m also getting larger all over. In the three weeks between doctor’s appointments I gained six pounds. Six! I suspect at least some of that has to do with all the take out we’ve been eating lately. But yeah, in addition to my belly, my thighs and arms are expanding rapidly. And it’s weird. But I digress—I could, and probably will, devote an entire post to the subject of pregnancy weight gain. Anyway, here’s another belly picture. Have a great Easter Sunday, everyone!

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