Just another WordPress.com site

I’m kind of using my blog as a form of introspection at the moment. I feel I’ve lost who I am. I’m no longer enjoying where I work and I’m finding it hard to create. I even keep burning the dinner!

Keri Smith and Laura Mazurek’s blogs are inspiring me and allowing me to think in different ways.. I am sneaking in the odd new type of post such as this and trying the making lists idea from this. I feel that my blog is akin to an online diary/notebook and so far I’ve mainly used it as an online record of things or people I find inspirational but it’s now time to use it as a sounding board, as a way to explore my mind. A place to set myself little challenges, to remind me of ways I am wanting to grow.

I hope you have no objections to joining me on my journey, maybe you might find some inspiration on the way too?

Do you ever look out of the window & wonder when you last connected with nature?

Do you think about your family more than you actually see them?

Can you remember the last time you spent quality time with your friends?

Can you remember the last time you created something?

Can you remember the last time you felt connected?

I can’t.

I’m working on it.

I feel quite frustrated right now & completely disconnected from all of the things I feel are important. All of the things I hold dear I feel oddly unattached to… I feel almost as if I’m treading water, or as if an imposter has taken over my life & I’m watching it feeling completely disembodied.

I’m working on it.

Small steps.

I spoke to my mum this morning on the phone, I miss her, she lives quite far away. I am so like her it’s almost insane & she is my rock.

The lovely Fran of Skulls and Ponies asked me to write a guest post about balancing life & crafting which is basically a bit of a juggling act. If you’d like to know how I attempt to do it pop on over & have a read 😉

I realised something this weekend, as I celebrated my best friend getting married, I realised that I am a “grown up”, an adult.

This may not come as much of a revelation to you but it kind of was to me… I’m 33, almost 34 for those of you that didn’t know. I work as a waitress in a restaurant full of early-twenty-somethings, I have a boyfriend who skateboards, my best mate in Oxford is 24, I’m never asleep before 1am, I rent a room in a house, I can’t drive, I have no children… I still felt/thought like someone in their mid-twenties.

Watching Claire & Steve tie the knot & glancing round at old friends there, some married, some not, some with children, some without I realised that at some point, without realising it, I had grown up. I had hit my thirties and actually, I’m doing OK.

I may not be the journalist that I dreamed of being for a glossy magazine, I’m not married, I don’t drive & therefore don’t own a VW beetle and I don’t have my own house but I’m debt free (how many thirty-somethings can say that?!), I’m with a man that I love and I have a great relationship with his daughter, I’m going to college part-time and I’m pursuing my dreams. When I was seventeen I imagined that thirty was when I’d have achieved everything & gotten ‘it’ all. Now that I’m in my early thirties I’m pushing the barrier back… maybe I’ll have my own house by fifty??!

Now that I’ve realised that I have grown up, I’ve decided to do something about it. I’ve decided to embrace it… I don’t want to look like a student any more, I’ve decided to glam it up a bit! I’m going to get my nails done. I’m returning to brunette (my natural hair colour. Ish.) I will ensure I always have breakfast in the cupboard. I will wear high heels upon occasion. Mostly I will stop waiting for things to happen. I will get up off my adult ladylike derriere & go make them happen myself!