Monday, May 19, 2014

If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning.

Mitsugi Saotome

Relationships
are an essential part of our lives. Through our relationships we learn
to grow and discover the reflections of our best selves in those
around us. But there are also some common beliefs about relationships
that get us hung up, so let's take a moment to explore a few of the
biggest myths about relationships.

1. There is Only One Person for You

If
this was true then you would still be dating your second grade crush!
This is one of the greatest myths and the one that causes so many
relationships to turn bitter and sour, and in the worst case
scenario, it keeps people together when they are miserable.

We don’t get only “one” person, we get to choose who remains a part of
our life when that relationship is the most loving, fulfilling,
and purposeful. Life is in constant motion, and since life is constantly
changing, so are we. In relationships, we change individually and
we also change together—or we don't. We can continue to
choose the same person over and over again, but we are not obligated to
stay in any relationship that’s not adding to our growth. Healthy
relationships are always based in freedom, not obligation. If your
relationship is starting to crack, look at where you need to be more
flexible, loving, and understanding. Communication is key.
Listen to one another, ask for what you need, be respectful, and always
keep both of your best interests in mind. Relationships are, indeed, a
two-way street!

2. "I’ve had a tough life, and a relationship will help heal my wounds."

While it is true that your relationships will bring up
everything in your life that is unhealed or broken (emotionally
or spiritually), you do not want to use your relationship/partner to
heal you—that is something you need to do for yourself. If you
rely on your partner to fix you, you’ve not taken responsibility for
yourself—and when we rely on someone else for our happiness, we cannot ever be
truly happy. Happiness always begins within you.

3. Being in a Relationship is Better Than Being Alone

Not
if it’s a bad relationship! Remember: relationships are opportunities for us
to connect with like minds and spirits in order to understand
ourselves and explore our potential to create a larger experience. If you are
using a relationship to mask loneliness (which is based in fear, not
love) your relationship may allow you to temporarily forget your
loneliness, but loneliness will still be there. Being in a healthy relationship
with yourself reduces loneliness. Also, by
staying involved in a relationship that's not helping you grow you
cannot attract a healthy relationship that will—you already have that vacancy
filled! Only when you have created the space for something healthy can
it step into your life.

4. In Relationships, Opposites Attract

Personalities with opposing attributes may attract at first (simply due to the variety and contrast they bring), but rarely sustain. Having a
range of different qualities and interests can certainly be appealing—especially when first meeting someone—but in the long run you will need
to find more common ground on which to walk together. Use your
differences to teach one another about aspects of yourself you have
yet to explore, and use your relationship to mutually help each other
grow. Focus on your differences as strengths, and whether you agree or not, always be respectful.

5. "I’ve tried being in a relationship, but I always seem to mess things up."

You will get what you intend. When looking at past relationships, examine
why you went into the relationship in the first place. To fill a void in
your life? Take the place of something you didn't have? Find someone to
take care of?

Entering
a relationship out of "lack" will just bring more of it. Start by developing a
healthy relationship with yourself before going into a relationship with
another. If you're already in a relationship and need to find more
balance, take time out for yourself—find peace with yourself, your past,
and your decisions. If you believe that you will “mess up” a
relationship, your beliefs will fuel your attitudes,
actions, and words, and direct you into sabotage mode. In time, the relationship
will, indeed, fail—it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Set your course for
success! Believe that you deserve and will have positive, loving
relationships.

As
we enter into the summer of 2014, choose to create
healthy and happy relationships in all areas your life and watch the results. After all, it's your choice.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

It is not our abilities that showwho we truly are, it is our choices.Albus Dumbledore, Harry PotterJ. K. Rowling

One
of our biggest gifts is the ability to choose. In every moment we
choose what to give our attention, focus, and energy—and most
importantly, our responses to what is happening around us. The outcomes
of our choices, in turn, create our reality. Our choices stem from our
thoughts and feelings—and as Neale Donald Walsch states in his
brilliant book series, Conversations with God, "Feelings are the language of the soul."
Stop and think for a moment about the connections:

Feelings create thoughts;

Thoughts create words;

Words create actions;

Actions create character;

Character creates our life path.

If
we are, indeed, choosing in every moment, think about what life path you are creating? Is
it a story of joy, fun, and adventure, or is it a tedious
tale of anger, stress, and disappointment? The power of choice allows
us to create the reality we truly wish to create, regardless of what is happening
around us.
Here’s a simple 3-step process to help you consciously activate your power of choice and begin to create a reality for yourself that contains what you truly desire:
1. Decide. Think about what you really
want and begin to make choices that are in-line with those desires. Many people are on autopilot and not taking time to decide
what they really want. If you continue to accept your life events "by default"
then stop complaining when things consistently don't turn out the way
you intended. You need to decide what brings you true joy and happiness, and then focus only on those things.
2. Declare. Start writing and talking
about what you'd like and what you want to create—tell your friends and
family members. Just like fire, intentions spread and grow when you
start talking about them. Stating your intentions kick-starts the
process of creation and gives you the momentum and passion to achieve
what you want.
3. Demonstrate. I'm sure
you've heard the phrase, "Fake it 'til you make it"? This action is part of
becoming and moving into your reality as you create it. Demonstrating
your intention by acting as if you already have what it is that you
truly want puts you in line with receiving it—by thinking the thoughts
of what you want, you will start feeling them, speaking them, acting them, and
eventually your intentions must appear in your reality. That is the creative process.

Also, an important follow-up and a key step during the creative
process is to remember to be grateful for what you already have. Gratitude is a vital part of completing the circle of creation. Be thankful and appreciate whatever it is that you do receive, for every gift is a step towards your next creation.

About Me

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an inspirational speaker, best-selling author, and life
transition coach. His passion is to help people reclaim their power of choice and find
better balance in their work, relationships, and life—especially during transitions. Michael currently resides in Minnesota and enjoys traveling to new
destinations, meeting interesting people, and having quality conversations over
good food. Learn more at michaelsunnarborg.com