The names in these events have been changed for the safety of the families.

Jane’s abuse began as a child when she was molested by a sibling. It continued when she started dating at 16. It might have been different if Jane had a mother but her mother died when she was 1.

“I went through my life just like that,” she said.

Jane was a troubled child with no one to help her. She told the teachers at school who told her grandmother. That would result in a beating so Jane learned to say nothing. The grandmother died when Jane was 12 and the family of eight children lived in abject poverty.

“It was all so hard,” she said. “I had no one to talk to. I was angry. I felt like I was nothing, that God has turned his back on me.”

Jane ran away when she was 16. She said she was a magnet for abusers, every boyfriend was an abuser. She was stabbed, thrown out of cars, and had to jump from a two-story building to escape her abuser.

Jane was married in 1999 in Durham to a man that she had dated for about three years.

“When I married him all hell broke loose,” she said. “He turned into a person I did not know. I couldn’t see anybody. He would throw glasses at me.”

When Jane became pregnant and could not have relations with her husband, the violence escalated. He turned to her oldest daughter from a previous relationship.

“When that girl told me that, I felt like I had let it happen,” Jane said. “I just fell on the ground and hollered. The police was called immediately and my kids went through so much.”

Jane’s husband escaped and the police could not find him. The police came to her work one day to tell her that she did not know it but her husband was living in the basement of her house. She gave police permission to enter the home where they found him and notes he had written planning to kill her, the children and himself. Jane’s husband is serving 19 years.

Jane left Durham and returned home to Duplin County. It was several years before she would accept a date again with a man she had known from childhood. The relationship began with talking for three months, there was no intimacy. After about six or seven months, he took control and said he was going to take care of her. He did not want her to go to the store or to her daughter’s home. She realized that concern had turned into abuse. He stalked her, grabbed her in public, broke the windows in her car, held her down and put a pillow to her face. Jane said she still dated him because she was afraid and felt she needed someone to be with her. There were restraining orders that he ignored. In March, he strangled Jane to the point where the doctor said that if he had hung on for 30 more seconds, she would have died. Jane was holding her grandchild. That was when Jane went to the Women’s Center in Jacksonville and after 20 years of abuse, in that 90 days, she found the support that had been missing from her life.

Page 2 of 3 - “I am blessed to be here,” she said. “Teresa Wait is a pure angel. She helped me with counseling. She was my rock. Anytime I needed to lean, she was right there. She was sent from God to me.”

Jane says that she is a totally different person now. She is writing a book and speaks about domestic violence at events.

“I learned that I deserve better,” Jane said. “I got back what my abuser had taken from me. I learned a new way of life. I tell them thank you every day.”

Jane’s daughters are in college or have graduated from college. She has her own place and is starting over. Jane hopes to open a women’s shelter in a different area one day where families can be safe.

Drug induced abuse

Susan met her husband when she was 20. They dated for five years before marrying. Looking back, the red flags of abuse were there but she said she did not see them or turned the other way. Susan said she knew that she should not marry him but she kept thinking that God would bless her marriage if they did the right thing. Susan already had two children and the couple had two children together. Everything was fine except when he got high on coke or crack. At those times he would hit her and demand nonstop sex.

After a couple of years, Susan knew she had to do something. When a manager at work offered her a job transfer to Jacksonville, she took it and came to the Women’s Center.

Susan said that she found structure at the Women’s Center. The staff there helped her to be independent.

“They really embrace you,” Susan said. “Whatever you need help with, whatever resources you need, they try to help you.”

Susan is still working and she and her children are now in their own apartment.

“I have started over from the ground up,” she said. “I am doing what I need to do to take care of my kids.”

To other women, Susan says, “know yourself worth, know what you are capable of being. God loves you so don’t stay in a situation where it is dangerous for you and your children.”

Domestic violence may be the No. 1 problem in Onslow County, trumping hunger, homelessness and other social ills. In the archives of The Daily News, there are 64 stories about infant mortality in the past year. Our domestic violence cases have made national news — a sad portrayal of a great community.

These babies, like these women and children, are all victims of domestic violence. All family members that have lost their lives to domestic violence will be remembered at the 18th annual Candlelight Vigil scheduled for 5:30 to 7 p.m., Oct. 24 at the Riverwalk Park, 241 Court St., Jacksonville. Please come and join the Onslow Women’s Center in lighting the way towards a brighter future without domestic violence. Call 910-347-4000 for more information.

Page 3 of 3 - Return of the tree stands

Onslow Caregivers still needs donations of items and food for the Festival of Trees, tree sponsors and volunteers. Please call Jean Cole at 910-324-1650. Tree stands and items can be dropped off at The Daily News.