I've posted about sympathy cards before, and Nathan and I were talking the other day about some more creative things you could write in them. Here is part of our conversation:me: Maybe I’ll start writing “happy birthday” in sympathy cards...

nathan: “Bummer, dude.”

nathan: “It could have been you.”

me: “Next time it will probably be you.”

“Don’t grieve for the lost—your own clock is winding down, too.”

nathan: “I give you permission to cry on someone’s shoulder, just not mine”

me: “If you ever wanted to commit a crime, do it now while you’re emotionally distressed. The jury will be more lenient.”

nathan: “I am sure you will see your loved one again, because the zombie apocalypse is just around the corner.”

me: “Free!”

“I’m so terribly sorry... but the inheritance will probably ease the pain a bit.”

nathan: “I’ll bet your uncle left you something nice like a collection of paisley ties or some sturdy TV dinner trays. If you’re lucky, you might even get his 1978 Lincoln Continental with that sweet Corinthian leather trim!”

me: “Sure, it’s bad for you. But think of the morticians who need work in these trying economic times!”

“He’ll make a great new soylent product.”

“Hmm, wasn’t he about the same size as you? You could get yourself a new suit if you play your cards right.”

nathan: “You could make a killing on the black market. But you’ll have to act fast!”