Each
day hundreds of thousands of children dread
going to school and facing the taunts, jeers,
and humiliation wrought by bullies. When we
think of bullying, the easily identifiable physical
and verbal harassment comes to mind, including
teasing, taunting, threatening, and hitting.
Relational bullying is more difficult for adults
to observe and identify. Children who bully
through relational means socially isolate their
victims by intentionally excluding them or spreading
rumors about them. Bullying, then, refers to
physical or psychological intimidation that
occurs repeatedly, is intended to inflict injury
or discomfort on the victim, and creates an
ongoing pattern of harassment and abuse.

The bullying relationship is
characterized by an imbalance of power, such
that the victim of bullying finds it hard to
defend him- or herself and begins to feel powerless
against the bully. The child who bullies typically
is bigger, older, stronger, or more popular
than the victim of bullying, and his or her
intent is to exert power over the victim. For
example, girls who bully through exclusion and
other forms of relational aggression tend to
have more social power than their victims. The
bully is aware that his or her behavior causes
distress, the bully enjoys the victim's reaction,
and the bullying continues and escalates. Bullies
hurt others in order to feel strong and powerful
at a given moment.

It's very difficult for most
parents to determine whether their children
engage in bullying behaviors because most bullying
occurs out of parents' sight.

Some adults and children rationalize
bullying because victims are overly sensitive,
cry easily, or act in ways that set them apart
from other children. Even if the victim does
show these characteristics, adults and children
must know bullying is not a healthy coping response—it
signals that a child needs to learn how to manage
his or her emotions, release anger and frustration
in more healthy ways, and learn more constructive
strategies for getting along with others. Your
role, as parent or teacher, is to help children
establish more mature and healthy ways of relating
with others, thereby ensuring that they will
grow into caring and adaptive adults.

Who is likely to be
victimized?
There are at least two types of victims: passive
victims and reactive victims. The stereotypical
image of the bullied child is the passive victim:
He or she avoids confrontation, is physically
slight, quiet, does not tease others, and does
not defend him- or herself from the bully. The
passive victim turns inward when bullied—crying
and withdrawing rather than fighting back.

Reactive victims are much less
common than passive victims. The reactive victim
provokes attacks by being aggressive, disruptive,
argumentative, and antagonizing towards bullies
and other children, and retaliates when he or
she is bullied. Sometimes reactive victims are
referred to as bully/victims because they straddle
the fence of being a bully and/or victim. They
are difficult to identify because they seem
to be targets for bullies, but they often taunt
bullies and other children. Not only do reactive
victims fight back when bullied, but they sometimes
channel their rage and anger into bullying others,
especially those younger and weaker than themselves.
In this way, some victims of bullies transform
into bullies themselves, perpetuating the abuse
and singling out new victims.

What are the effects
of bullying?
Bullying is not a normal part of growing up.
Victims of bullying suffer psychological and
sometimes physical scars that last a lifetime.
Victims report greater fear and anxiety, feel
less accepted, suffer from more health problems,
and score lower on measures of academic achievement
and self-esteem than students who are not bullied.
Victims often turn their anger inward, which
may lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicide.
The experience of bullying is also linked with
violence, as the fatal school shootings in Littleton,
Colorado, and Jonesborough, Arkansas, have illustrated.

However, it's not just victims
who are hurt by bullying. Bullies fail to learn
how to cope, manage their emotions, and communicate
effectively—skills vital to success in
the adult world. Without intervention, bullies
suffer stunted emotional growth and fail to
develop empathy. Since bullies are accustomed
to achieving their immediate goals by pushing
others around, they don't learn how to have
genuine relationships with other people. Instead,
they externalize and blame others for their
problems, never taking responsibility, nor learning
how to care for another's needs. Bullies who
don't learn other ways of getting what they
want develop into adult bullies who are more
likely to experience criminal troubles, be abusive
toward their spouses, and have more aggressive
children, perhaps continuing the cycle of bullying
into the next generation.

Ending bullying: What
works
The most effective way of addressing bullying
is through comprehensive schoolwide programs.
Schoolwide programs, developed collaboratively
between school administration and personnel,
students, parents, and community members, seek
to change the school's culture to emphasize
respect and eliminate bullying. So what has
been shown to work in preventing and ending
bullying?

Increased awareness, understanding,
and knowledge about bullying on the part of
school staff, parents, and students

Involvement of the wider
community, including parents and service providers

Integration of bullying-related
content into the curriculum in ways that are
appropriate to each grade

Increased supervision and
monitoring of students to observe and intervene
in bullying situations

Involvement of students

Encouragement of students
to seek help when victimized or witnessing
victimization

A plan to deal with instances
of bullying

Class and school rules and
policies regarding bullying and appropriate
social behavior