Monday, May 31, 2010

Letters to the President: Natural Disasters

Dear Mister Obama,

I don't know if you're aware or not, but there is a disaster occurring as i write this. I wildland fire is burning out of control and needs to be stopped before homes are destroyed. It kind of irritates me that you're just sitting on your big comfy chair in the oval office not doing anything about it. I mean, i'd at least expect you and your pencil pushing cohorts to be out cutting line or burning out, because you're the president and you should be able to do stuff like that.

Never mind that it is completely out of your scope of training. You should be there brainstorming with the Incident Commander on strategy and tactics. Don't they teach you that kind of stuff in president's school?

Never mind that sometimes even the Incident Commanders, men (and by men i mean men) who have trained their whole lives for these situations, become overwhelmed with the disaster and don't know what to do.

Never mind that sometimes, even though thousands of firefighters are working to put the fire out, it takes mother nature to stop it. Do your part. Contact mother nature and get her to put it out. That is definitely in your administrations' power.

Never mind that the fire is in some of the most remote country in the United States, you need to somehow manage to get there and stop the fire. Not only that, but you need to do it yesterday. I'm sure that being the president, you have the ability to time travel.

And what's this i just found out? Not only did you basically cause this fire, now you won't let anyone have campfires? How dare you Mister President. You are overreaching into my personal freedoms as an American citizen. Who are you to say that i can't cook s'mores? That is a violation of democracy.

The more and more i think about this situation, the more i'm beginning to realize that you're at fault for this fire. Not the person that accidently lit the actual fire, they didn't know any better. They tried to stop it, but they purchased very poor quality tools because they were saving to buy another house, and the tools broke. It's not their fault. It's yours.

Thank you mister president. You've single-handedly burnt down the forest.

P.S. Reagan would have put the fire out with his bear hands (yes, i spelled it that way for a reason. think about it.)