25 Ways To Stay Alive in a Horror Movie

1. When you hear a noise down a dark alley, or basement, up in the attic, in the woods, in the shadows, or a cemetery – don’t go to check it out or call out things like “Is anyone there?” or “Who’s there?”. You probably don’t want to know.

2. When confronted by a serial killer or zombie, etc. don’t try to come up with an overly elaborate Scooby-Doo-type plan to kill them. Run away.

3. If you’re in a good hiding space, don’t leave it right away or make a lot of noise. Shhh!

4. Don’t depend on someone coming to rescue you, they usually get killed.

5. Don’t go all hero and decide you’re going to go and fight the serial killer, zombie, demon, etc. It rarely works and usually ends in death, dismemberment, maiming, or all of the above.

7. Not the time for heart-to-heart chats, true confessions, make-out sessions, or arguments – wait until the bad things are gone.

8. If loved ones or companions start growling, hissing, have glowing eyes, misshapen features, sudden hairiness, a fascination with blood, this isn’t the time to practice tolerance – run!9. If you get invited to a spooky mansion for a party, don’t go, really, even if it seems cool, skip it.

10. If you see a book of spells or a book of the dead – don’t read aloud from it!

12. Don’t solve puzzles that might open portals to Hell, or loose demons upon the world, bringing about the End of Days, etc. Stick to crosswords.13. Even if you’re really good at it, don’t play with recombinant DNA, actually, especially if you’re really good at it.

14. If you find a town that’s deserted, leave. Leave quickly. But first listen to the old crazy who tells you there’s a curse, or alien invasion, or possession – he’s the last one alive, he knows stuff.

15. Don’t borrow or steal from the dead. Don’t wake the dead. Don’t try to talk to the dead even if you think they might have helpful information. Don’t even think about them. Just don’t.

16. If plants and animals start behaving in an odd or aggressive manner, this is not the time for curiosity.

17. If your children, loved ones or friends start speaking to you in Latin, or ancient Babylonian, or some alien language it’s probably time to run, or get help, or run and get help.

18.Don’t fall asleep (I got this one covered).19. Don’t try to figure things out or try to investigate. Also don’t go to the authorities, they’re probably already altered in some way, they won’t believe you, or you’ll get them killed.

20. If something is after you run or take a bus. I don’t care how reliable your car is, this time it won’t start or it will take you a long time to start it, or the cab driver will be possessed, or something really, really bad.

21. Even if you think your problems are over, you might want to wait to take a bath or shower.

22. If you find out your house is built on an old cemetery, ancient burial ground, where they use to perform rituals or sacrifices, or some other bad stuff, cut your losses, or get a really good supernatural real estate agent.

23. Always ask why a piece of real estate is so cheap and no one else wants it.

24. Whether you’re on an alien planet or Earth, stay away from: giant eggs, glowing things, ooze, furniture that moves on its own, scary clowns, TVs that lead to other worlds, hockey masks, machetes, chain saws, cabins in the woods, creatures, etc. And don’t wander around on your own or go looking for someone.

25. This is the most important one: good shoes. No heels, no slippery soles, no untied laces. You are going to be running. Yes, you still might fall as they chase you, but your odds are better if you have good shoes.

Reblogged this on bipolarandbreastless and commented:
I don’t reblog many posts, but this is absolutely hilarious and wonderful!! I hope everyone takes the time to read it and enjoy it . . . and that you enjoy it as much as I did!!

Great suggestions. I would also add never go out running in the woods, there are always been to be roots and you’ll fall over them…I think the point about not making out should apply to spy movies and all kinds of action movies too… Really funny and it had to be done!

We should all practice running backwards and looking backwards as well, especially in the woods, roots and fallen branches can be hazardous…hmmm, you’ve made me think, I wonder why no one ever bumps into woodland creatures when running away in the woods?
Yes, the making out thing should be applied to any movie where you could get killed by doing so. lol
Thanks for dropping by Olga, as always, a breath of fresh air. 🙂

I’m guessing you were over at Suzie’s, isn’t she awesome? I’m so glad you found me then I found you. 🙂
If you get a chance, pop by the Monster Meet and Greet Mash aka Blog Party I’m holding right now https://yadadarcyyada.com/2015/10/28/monster-meet-and-greet-mash/ Leave a link or two or more so others can find your blog, also you can meet the many bloggers who’ve left links. 🙂
Hope this weekend is treating you well. Happy Halloween! 🙂

Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
NOT MY CUP OF TEA…BUT AM RUNNING OUT OF BLOGS TO RE-POST AS REWARD FOR HER ATTENTION! DON’T FORGET TO DUCK WHEN THE BLADE COME FLYING THROUGH THE AIR!

Thanks, you’re too kind. Yes, this is all very useful advice and the best idea is to never be in a situation where you need it – well, I’m off to the basement before I visit my friends at an abandoned summer camp. 😉
Hope this weekend treats you well and sweet dreams. 😉

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Mother, Nehiyaw, Metis, & Itisahwâkan - career communicator. This is my collection of opinions, stories, and the occasional rise to, or fall from, challenge. In other words, it's my party, I can fun if I want to. .................................................................. Artwork by aaronpaquette.net