The Quokkas are an internationally franchised drinking team with a cricketing problem
Renowned for our fearsome lack of fear on the cricketing pitch, we bring our unique brand of sporting ineptitude and enthusiasm over ability to the ovals of our opponents

Good turnout by the Quokkas for the St Anne’s quiz night last Wednesday.
The Binman offered up some truly rubbish answers but was on the whole forgiven by The Verger. They were joined by fellow team members Skip, Egg, Gymnast and Evil Dave to place a respectable 7th. Certainly respectable after Skip let slip that St Annes CC is actually an old-boys club for those who attended the Oxford college of the same name…
Quokkas won the spot prize for a round where they were the only team in the room not to score 10/10, after failing to remember a character from Catch 22 (despite a massive clue and 3 of the team having read it).

On the eve of the Quokkas 2010 campaign it’s time to invoke the spirit of cricinfo and reflect on the fortunes of last season in statistical analysis form. Starting with the obvious and yet traditional measures we see some new names on the quokka roll of honour

Leading batsmen – Quokkas 2009:

Shandy – 251 runs @ at an average of 35.9

Hairdresser – 170 runs @ 24.3

Skip – 167 runs @ 23.9

Leading wicket-takers:

Skip – 11 wkts @ at an average of 12.3

The Attack – 8 wkts @ 13.4

=Egg – 7 wkts @ 28.4
=Smithers – 7 wkts @ 30.7

The Skip also bore the most workload with 50 overs bowled, closely followed by Evil Dave (45) whom conceded the most runs (220). Most miserly was Simon D, with an economy rate of 2 runs per over. A suprise name for the title of strike bowler of 2009, as “Phil” Edmond just pipped the Attack with a season strike rate of 18 vs 18.75 balls

Bowling first, the Quokkas conceded an average of 201 runs (ouch!) to the opposition while managing to score just 136 themselves when sent in first. The Quokkas, however, are not daunted by a large total to overhaul as our win percentage was higher when chasing rather than defending (33% vs 20%). Those looking for omens or portents of quokka good fortune from 2009 could do worse than keep an eye out for the following:

The Binman is in the wickets – 75% Quokka win ratio when Smithers claims at least one wicket, 0% when he bowls filth and doesn’t bag anything

Unleashing the angry beast – If Evil Dave gets into double figures, the Quokkas win 66% of all matches. If path of righteousness restricts him it’s only 14%

Something for the weekend – The Hairdresser is our poshest classiest batsmen, but where in the order is he most effective?

Opening – 6 runs @ an average of 6

No. 4 – 110 runs @ 36.7

No. 5 – 28 runs @ 14

No. 6 – 26 runs @ 26

Catches win matches – Average number of wickets taken by Quokka bowlers in victory = 6.67. Average number taken in defeat = 5.25

In the all-time Quokka hall of fame, Skip risked incurring the wrath of the Mantis by becoming the leading runscorer, while the Attack held onto the position at top of the bowling charts despite dislocating his shoulder playing Twenty20

All-time runscorers:

Skip – 610 runs @ 33.9

Mantis – 511 runs @ 26.9

Hairdresser – 403 runs @ 21.2

All-time wicket-takers:

The Attack – 26 wkts @ 17.9

Fatman – 19 wkts @ 9.7

Smithers – 18 wkts @ 29.4

Skip, Smithers and the Egg now share the accolade for most capped Quokka (soon to be marked with actual caps! – stay tuned) on 23 appearances apiece.

Come revel in the displays of batting prowess, lightening quick bowling, friendly sportmanship and fill your soul with the spirit of cricket. Coming to a pitch near you this summer…. if you live in or around london and the m40 corridor.

Will Skip block the last ball of an innings while on 99no again? Can Big Karl replicate his slip catch? Does Shandy keep his helmet on when faced with a pint of premium lager? What happens when Evil Dave unleashes the Angry Beast?

Last weekend, I finally made my debut in 20/20 cricket, for my new occasional social team “The Quokkas”. We were up against a tough opponent from the yarra pub league, “Bar Open” on a Windy Sunday afternoon at Northcote. The publeague, in tribute to Pakistan cricket in the 80’s, has the same rules the Pakistan batsmen got when playing at home….no LBW and can’t get out first ball.

I was captain, won the toss, and with our bangladeshie club side bowling attack chose to bat. We were in early trouble at 5 for 30, but a captains knock of 32 of about 25 balls got us up to a very undefendable total of 82. I was cruising along with 6 boundaries until I was bowled by a deceptively straight delivery.

We had them in early trouble at 5 for 40, but like the Kiwis, their best batsmen were down the order and they won easily in 12 overs. My bowling highlight was not getting hit for a boundary and actually getting a ball to turn…one up on Nathan Hauritz.

To those of you familiar with the high quality cricket on show when the Quokkas take to the field, it must come as something of a suprise that the talent displayed is not just natural ability. But no, we actually practice to get this good.

And not for us some astro-matting in an urban park, where we risk the unwelcome attentions of the local gang of teenage hoodies, over-friendly canines and cheeky eight year olds on bikes. No, we do it in style at the Home of Cricket.

For several years we have held nets at Lords and, despite Tom the Yank’s efforts to demolish it, we keep on being allowed back! Perfect for ironing out the close season niggles and trying that new shot/mystery ball out